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Chapter Text

Notes

So, I discovered that titan!eren fics are a thing and I just had to take a crack at one myself. Some notes here. One, sorry for the clunky use of 'it' as the only pronoun. Titans don't have gender here, so Eren currently doesn't have the concept for he/she pronouns. I plan to change this ASAP. Two, elephants communicate long distances by sending vibrations through the earth. In this universe, titans do much the same, talking with rumbles instead of words. Following that, point three, titans come in a range of intelligences, from insect level intelligence to fully sapient like our boy. Most however are insect to fish level smart. Lastly, as you can probably infer, the world outside the walls is completely different from canon. No Marley, no turning people into titans, no nine shifters. Also, if anyone would be willing to beta, that would be awesome. Alright, time to start the show.

Summary

Eren picks up the hobby of people-watching. This concerns the people.

Chapter

There were a number of human settlements, all scattered about in odd places. Usually places that are hard to get. Rocky outcrops, protected by vicious ocean waves. High up in tall trees, too tall to reach. Hidden in the sulphuric steam and fog deep in the mountains, where titans can neither see nor smell their prey. The curious titan used to not think much of it. Things were just how they were. Humans were a delicacy, so rare and hard to get, but so worth it.

But then it saw the largest settlement of all. Undeniable in its conclusion. Humans weren’t nestled into the environment, using it for safety. No, massive walls loom so high and stretched into the distance. The curious titan follows them, wanting to see where they ended, but they never did. After months, it found itself back where it first saw them. 

There were many titans here, hungry and smelling their prey when the wind kicked up just right. There were so many, more than any other settlement. More than all of them put together. How did they build such a thing? Did they, or could it be natural, just like the trees and rocky outcrops?

The curious titan stays, not to feast but to watch. Humans were often on top of the walls, too far for all but the tallest titans to reach. It wonders what they would do if such a large titan found them. Colossal titans were rare, and the curious titan hadn’t seen one in a very long time. But they still exist, it was sure.

After weeks, the curious titan was ready to move on. The humans were plentiful inside the walls, it could smell them, but had no way to get to them. The lessor titans stayed, sometimes clawing at the walls, sometimes kilometers away, rumbling hopefully. But it was pointless, the meat was impossible to get to. Perhaps it could try its luck in the mountains.

Except as it wanders away from the walls, sounds drew it back. And the smell of meat, not drifting down from a powerful gust that ran inside the walls. No, powerful and from a clear direction. The humans left the wall. It could eat.

It runs, hunger overtaking it. A plum of green smoke flies up in the air, and the curious titan briefly forgets its hunger. Why would the humans leave their walls? Why the smoke? It had never seen such colorful smoke before, and just such a beautifully clean arc across the sky. It stays back as an 8 meter titan continues to barrel forward. From its distance it can just barely see the humans. They move fast, faster than any other human. 

But no, they aren’t the ones moving. Odd creatures, like large deer but with more muscle. The humans are on top of them, and they are sprinting across the fields. Green cloaks cover them but they are still so exposed. The curious titan has an urge he had never felt before. An urge to attack the 8 meter titan sprinting towards the humans, to prevent them from being eaten. Not so he could eat them, no, but so they won’t be eaten all. It wants to protect these strange creatures, to learn more about them.

It never gets the chance to act on it. A human rises up from its not-deer and then-

It flies. It has no wings but it flies faster than any bird. Glinting metal for arms and it flies towards the 8 meter. The lesser titan grabs but its hands come up empty. The human banks left sharply- how- and then it is behind the titan. Metal meets flesh and the titan falls. It’s nape is just a hollow spot, destroyed with ease. The titan is dead and humans keep their charge, unharmed. The curious titan huffs a breath, lost in awe. These humans, they are special. They are strong, smart. Could they even kill him? It thinks they might.

The human stands, having landed unharmed. A sharp whistle carries across the plans and it’s not-deer trots over. It mounts it and they continue on their path. The curious titan runs after them, keeping pace but also at a safe distance. Faintly It can hear human sounds. Noises that change so quickly and precisely. When titans have something to say, they need only a few select rumbles to convey it. Fight me. I yield. Let’s share the food. What are the humans saying to each other?

A black pillar of black appears from one of their hands. Why? What does the smoke mean? Will it do anything? The smoke just rises and slowly spreads across the sky. They keep making their human sounds but the curious titan can only make out certain notes, the rest are garbled by the wind. So the curious titan changes its course, moving closer. It hears them better but they also seem to be louder. Such strange sounds, could humans really have some complex things to say?

“Sir, it’s getting closer. Permission to engage?”

“Give it another minute. Otto is going to throw a fit if we kill this one before he can study it.”

“It’s getting too close, we need to take it down.”

“Alright, T maneuver, stay on guard, we don’t know how dangerous it is.”

The curious titan is close enough to make out the different details of them. Their hairs are different colors, they have different sizes, and even their faces are different. They twist and morph into so many different expressions, unlike titans that are usually locked into just one.

They all raise up and take flight. For a moment the curious titan is afraid it scared them away, like a flock of birds. But no, they don’t flee, they swarm. It feels pinches and tugs in its flesh, and then the tearing of its own muscles. The curious titan roars, an emotion flooding it. It feels rage at the assault, as though they shouldn’t be attacking it. But titans kill and attack each other all the time, they don’t know allegiance nor betrayal. Still, the curious titan feels it in his veins. Betrayal.

A green blur whips around its legs and suddenly it falls. It worries briefly about crushing a human, but they are quick and move away. More green flies over its back and instinct answers. The titan’s hand flies up and knocks the human away from its nape. It is a special titan, it can recover even if they cut it out. But the humans are fast and strong, they might not give the titan a chance to escape with its little body. 

The humans scream and the green blurs retreat. The curious titan tilts its head to watch. Three are huddled together, metal arms out and tense. The other two are behind them, one cradling the other. Dark red stains the green cloak, and the curious titan can even see exposed meat on the still human. More human noises, shrill and fast as they tumbled out of the tiny mouths.

“Shit, shit, shit”

“It was so fast”

“Is she alive? Is she alive?”

“She’s not breathing”

“We need to move while it’s downed. No one else die, damnit”

They whistle and the not-deer appear. The humans mount them fast and within moments they are all galloping away. The curious titans watch from the ground. So strange. They left the last human behind. It crawls to the abandoned human, smelling the blood and meat. But instead the tita carefully picks them up. The body is limp and bends in odd places. Assuming that human bodies bend in the same places titan bodies do, this one is differently broken. But there’s no steam or mending flesh, nor decay or rot. Just stillness.

The titan pokes it, rolling it over. Its finger runs across the hair, fine and soft. Such interesting creatures. Why did they hold it? What were they saying? But the curious titan can learn none of these things from a body. So instead, it eats.

The curious titan never does continue its trip to the mountains. It stays by the walls and watches the humans. It’s rare that they leave, but the titan always watches them when they do. Green cloaks in the wind, not-deer stampeding across the plains with such pride. Something grows inside the curious titan. Whenever it sees them leave, it rumbles a warning to all other titans around. It’s normally used to broadcast that it wants all the food for itself, and will fight over it. And that it is half true, it will fight any titan that tries to eat this meat. But it takes none for itself. It will still kill any titan that tries.

“Whoa, check out that one with the hair”

“Is it an abnormal, right out the gate? Should we fire a flare?”

“No, not for that one. It’s a good omen, actually. That one doesn’t attack humans, just other titans.”

“What, really?”

“Yep. Hanji has been dying to capture it, but it’s too dangerous. It will kill any human that gets close. And it is fast. Just ignore it.”

“Faster than captain Levi?”

“Tch. I’m not wasting human lives on a science experiment”

The curious titan still doesn’t know what the human sounds mean. It has gotten better at processing them, learning the different sounds and fluctuations. But it is still at a loss for what they mean.

The curious titan stops instantly when it hears it. A challenge rumble. Most titans don't dare challenge it. They might offer up a pleading rumble as they go after the humans. An apology for their transgression, and a hope to not engage in a fight with it. But this is a challenge.

It bristles and roars. It suddenly changes heading and sprints towards the challenger. The humans yelp and startle, the not-deer swirling and scattering.

"What the fuck is it doing?"

"Can I cut into that fucker yet?"

"No, it's not coming for us. Let it pass."

"Damnit Erd, stand down. That one is too dangerous."

To make matters worse, the challenger is sending out sharing rumbles as well, which all the lesser titans take as their cue to gorge.

The curious titan pauses in its dash, just enough to bite the nape out of a 10 meter that was going after some humans. The simple titans are frenzied, eager to gorge. The humans are strong, killing many, but they grow tired fast. Soon they won't be able to fly and their metal arms will break. Worse, the humans have scattered themselves across the plains and it can't possibly protect them all.

The challenging rumble is enough to draw it forward. Beyond any urge to protect, its titan instinct demands it to attack. To defend it's own.

It finds the challenger atop a hill, feasting. The not deer are loose and panicked, most of the riders are gone. The challenger releases another rumble and it bites down on a struggling human.

The curious titan roars and charges, furious. At some point it decided that killing humans is bad and it won't abide this.

It grabs the challenger. It is clearly a superior titan like itself, smart and strong. Oddly curved and red with exposed muscle. Its skin is harder than any other titan. The curious titan didn't stand a chance.

The challenger’s fists beat down again and again and again on its nape. It hurts, like no where else on its body does, it hurts. But the curious titan has a trick, an ability just for such occasions. A small body in its nape. One that can escape and grow a new body, leaving the old one to rot. The curious titan makes a feeble swipe at the challenger, pulls its hair and causes its head to crash down. It doesn't damage the hardened titan, it didn't expect it to. But it takes its eyes off the curious titan’s nape long enough for the small body to escape unnoticed.

The small titan rolls into bushes while the hardened titan resumes it's assault on the now empty body. It begins to rot and the challenger accepts that as victory. It leaves, probably to find more humans. Victory, win, my meat , rumble through the earth.

The curious titan, now so small, forces back whimpers of submission. The small body is so sensitive. The sun burns its eyes and the grass stings. Even the air that fills it grates against its lungs. It tries to stand but falls. This body is so different, so feeble. Eventually it opts to just huddle against a tree, letting the sun heal it until it feels strong enough to grow a new body.

By the time it’s back, the damage has already been done. All living humans were back in the walls, and the dead were already eaten. Still, the curious titan paces the fields they were in. Not even their not-deer remain. It tries to smell for any stray humans, but the air is already thick with human blood and fear. It can't hope to pick out any living human with the scent of carnage so heavy in the air.

It's not until it gets to the beginning of a forest does it find something. A human. At first it assumes it's broken. All the living humans are gone, but they usually leave behind the dead. Despite the pang of guilt, the curious titan can't help but hope for some meat.

But no, this human hisses and shies away from it. Not broken. Except…

When it gets up, it stumbles, unable to stand on both legs. The curious titan rumbles, a mixture of excitement and an urge to protect.

It gently scoops the little thing up into its hand and holds it close to its face. It has never seen a living human this close before.

Pain. A swift and long gash running from chin to eyebrow, blinding an eye. It drops the human and howls. The betrayal stings but it fights it down. Humans are strong, and they bite. That's just how humans are.

This human still has a metal arm, though shorter than normal. It pants but keeps the blade up. The curious titan whines from the rejection but keeps enough of a distance to avoid more damage.

After a tense moment the human groans and relaxes. It doesn't make any human sounds though, which disappoints the curious titan. It makes peace, no fight gurgles to try to calm the human, but the little thing just scoots further away.

Maybe it would be more relaxed if it spoke human to it? It doesn't understand what all the different combinations of sounds mean, but it gives his best impression of the fluctuating pitch and sounds.

And aha, that does get a response.

"Are… are you trying to talk?" The little human makes sounds back. Elated, the titan continues on, warbling out sounds. It realizes that it can't make them quite right, and that those fleshy mouth coverings are pretty important for this. But the human seems captivated all the same.

"This is nonsense. You don't actually know the language, huh? If you understand what I'm saying, nod your head."

The human gave more sounds and the titan gives a delighted huff over it.

"Figures."

The titan would be saddened at the lack of human sounds, but the wind changes and it picks up a bad scent. The superior from before is back. And if it gets too close, it'll be able to smell the fresh meat of its human. It might even be able to now, if the smell of carnage has faded enough.

The curious titan can't defeat it, probably can't outrun it. But it's not willing to hand over its human. But what else can it do? The humans are smart, it might think of a way to hide.

But looking over at it, it just seems unsettled and focused on the curious titan, not the direction of the incoming hardened titan. Can humans not smell?

A thought hits it. The human could hide from sight and be quiet, but it can't hide its smell. But if the titan could cover up its smell, and the human knows to be quiet and still, then maybe…

It lunges and grabs the little human. The human tries to cut the titan's hand but the metal arm is growing dull and it can't cut through his fingers. The curious titan opens its mouth wide, collects its willpower, and throws the human in its mouth. It's careful not to bite down all the way, even as its instincts demand it. Instead it lets its thick drool coat the little human, hiding its scent under that of the curious titans. 

It walks away as it does this, knowing the superior will be there soon enough, following the trail. After a few moments it spits the human up into the palm of his hand.

It's so still that the titan worries that it broke it. But the human is sitting up, ramrod straight and the complete opposite of limp. Then, it retches. It lifts its arms and gags at the thick strings of slobber. But there's no time for this. The titan tucks its human into a bush and moves to deal with the superior.

When the superior titan crashes into its vision, exposed pink and red muscles and wild silver eyes, it screeches an offended screech. No doubt confused and angry that the curious titan is alive and well after supposedly killing it.

Where is food? My food.

It rumbles and the curious titan can't help but whine in submission.

No food. No fight, you stronger

It screeches again and sniffs the ground where the human was and sniffs the curious titan. It knows there was a human, fresh meat, but the curious titan gives it the free reign to search. With another angry screech the superior titan beats its fist into the curious titans chest. But it's not directed at its nape, it's not a call to a fight but a simple assertion of dominance before it leaves, looking for more stray meat.

The curious titan gives the superior ample time to leave before returning to its human.

The little one turned from green to pink. Or rather, it removed the green cloak, revealing a pink chest. Though there is a long smear of red along its side. At least its drool is covering up the smell of fresh meat.

"Oh Maria, it's in the wound." The human is back to making human sounds and doesn't seem that afraid of the curious titan anymore. All in all, a great improvement. It chitters happily.

"I need to get to the walls. Do you understand? Take me to the walls." The human makes its human sounds with such fervor, it surely must be trying to convey something. The curious titan doesn't know what but glad that he's being treated like it would another human.

"Walls" it chants, stretching an arm towards the human settlement. "Walls" it repeats that sound again and again.

"Alls" the curious titan tries to repeat. This gets a gasp and a pause from the human. Did it do good? 

"Take me to the walls" the human hobbles in the direction of the settlement. The curious titan understands the message. The human wants to go back to the settlement.

The titan huffs and considers it. There will probably be inferior titans milling about at least for the rest of the day. Until the smell of meat clears away. But the human's scent is hidden, and as long as it's not displayed in the open, the inferiors won't notice the human. It would only be an issue if the superior happens by them again.

"Fuck this. Why am I asking favors from a titan?"

The human turns away from him and goes to a tree to sit down. It still hobbles pitifully and clutches its damaged side.

"Alls" the curious titan confirms. The longer the human is away from its kind, the more chances for it to be eaten. So the curious titan offers a hand for the human to crawl into it.

"Walls" it repeats and steps up. The titan curls its fingers around the human gingerly and begins walking. There are titans everywhere, but all inferiors. A few notice him and wander away, fearing a fight. No sight of the superior, and the titan scents the air constantly for a whiff of it. But it's gone from the area for now.

It's not entirely sure where exactly the human wants to be. Perhaps where he came out of? It uncurls its fingers slightly and offers the human the ability to guide it.

"That way. Gate." It points.

"Gate" the titan repeats, eyeing the odd structure in the massive walls. "Gate" and it thinks it understands. Gate is a sound not for a feeling or message, but just simply for the place. 

"Titan spotted"

And within moments humans are flying towards the curious titan. It always knew that titans that get too close to the walls die, but it thought-

"Oi, stand down! That's an order," the little human in its hand makes human sounds. It freezes the others mid flight- how strange, not even birds can do that.

"C-captain Levi? Are you, is that, uh"

"Yeah, I went on a soul searching journey and found a titan lover. Get me the fuck out of here, I need a shower before I claw my skin off." The titan loves the way its human talks. The sounds blur and move together so fast and bold, especially with other humans around. It wonders what the little thing said.

The other humans creep down, uncertain. Its human stomps its foot and looks at the curious titan before raising a hand up, palm flat and up. It gets the message and mimics the pose, raising the little human as high as it can.

"Is that thing safe?"

"Hasn't eaten me yet."

The humans connect and soon the small weight is off its palm and the human is being dragged up and away. 

"Why are you wet? What is this?"

"Don't ask. I don't even want to think about it."

The curious titan whines, not in submission but in a new emotion. It'll miss the human.

"What the hell was that? Er, sir"

"Shut up and get me a horse ready"

The curious titan wanders back, alone and with a heavy feeling. It likes humans, it realizes. It likes the way they chatter to each other and hold each other. The tools they use and the way their faces dance to different expressions. It wonders what it's like, inside the walls.

It wonders, briefly, if its tiny form could be mistaken as a human. If it could fool them into thinking that it's human and live with them.

But no, it's too crazy, too dangerous. Assuming its tiny form could pass as human, it'd have no idea how to live there or even talk to them. Plus, its tiny form is too delicate. It's not even sure if it can survive in it long term.

Levi had never before appreciated being clean so much. No amount of sweat and mud could ever compare to that. But he's clean and safe, and now he just wants some tea and to sleep for a week.

Maria, what an expedition. He only hopes that-

"Levi! Levi, you open this door right now! I have express permission from commander Smith and I need to interview you right now. Levi!" Levi will kill the idiot that told Hanji about his return. Painfully and slowly, because he hasn't even been back for an hour and he isn't in the fucking mood for this bullshit.

"No, I-"

Thud

Apparently riding a titan back to the walls is enough for Hanji to start kicking doors in.

"What the fuck!"

"Okay, first of all, I need a physical description"

"And I need a new room"

"Oh shush, we have lots of rooms but we've never had a helpful titan before. Now, description." Hanji's glasses catch the light and their pen is waiting above their notebook, poised to collect everything he says.

"There's no way to put this off until tomorrow, huh?"

"Nope. It needs to be now. Once you sleep you're going to lose so many details." They wiggle with excitement. Fucking Hanji.

"Fine. It was the abnormal we've seen before. The one with the hair." 

"Ooooo, you mean Jaeger? Green eyes, long dark hair? You know, I wanted to know if it attacks other titans just to help us, or if it's something else entirely different." Hanji starts to babble but Levi really doesn't want this to take longer than it has to.

"My wires were snapped and I was too injured to run. No horses were answering the whistle so I took cover in a nearby forest. My plan was to wait until nightfall and hope that I could make it to the gate before sunrise." Hanji hums and he knows why. They'd been over twenty kilometers out and there was exactly zero chance he could cover that distance on a sprained ankle. "I figured it was a long shot, but better than waiting to be eaten."

"True. And then?..." Right.

"And then hook nose comes wandering by and I figure that I'm dead. But I have half a blade so I cut up his face when he got too close."

"Poor baby", Hanji coos and Levi has to stifle rage.

"It's a fucking titan Hanji." But even as he says that, he knows it's a lie. If nothing else, it's a titan that intentionally and purposely saved his life.

"And you owe your life to that titan!" Yeah, he walked into that one. Best to move along. Except he really doesn't know how to explain this next part.

"We… talked?" Hanji's eyebrows shoot up and he cuts them off right then and there. "Not really. But it's like it tried. It didn't understand what I was saying- and yes, I asked- but it tried to make, well, words. Or something. It was all gibberish but it wasn't the normal gurgling and growls and shit. It was trying to talk." Hanji makes a high pitched scree and she presses, wanting to invite exactly what sounds were made, could he replicate them, maybe it was talking in a different language. God, they are going to shit themselves once he tells them they actually did say real words.

"No Hanji, it just seemed like gibberish. After the talk," and heavy quotation marks around 'talk'. "It went tense for no reason that I could see. Then," and Levi loathes to even remember this part. "Then it… put me in its mouth." Hanji gasps, pen flying madly across the paper.

"So it did try to eat you."

"No. It just drooled on me for a solid minute. Then spit me into a bush."

"Any chewing?"

"No." He groans at the memory of thick drool and acrid breath. Horrible. "Another titan appeared, the new abnormal, the female. They made sounds at each other-"

"Like when he was trying to talk?!"

"No. Like, animal sounds. Growls and whines. It seemed kind of intelligent I guess. Then the female left."

"So, Jaeger sensed her before you could, coated you in its saliva and hid you? That's very exciting Levi. That means a lot of things. Oh boy, this is good stuff. Do you have any of the saliva left? Can I have some?"

"No. Go pull it out of the castle sewers." Really, as though he would keep any of it. He even scrubbed his wound open and bleeding to get that foulness off him.

"Levi, come on, don't you see what this implies? Titans can smell us. And we might be able to hide our scents with titan saliva."

"So your great idea is to slather us all with rancid spit before we ride out?"

"If it would help keep titans away. I wonder if there is something that could repel them? Now that would be a game changer." Hanji happily scribbles in their book. "Okay, what next?"

"Then I tried talking to it again. And that time it seemed to understand better."

"Better, like?..."

"I tried just repeating the word 'walls' and pointing in the direction of the gate. It got the message because it offered me a ride back."

"And how does a titan offer a ride?"

"Held out it's hand and repeated the word 'walls'" he shrugs like that isn't the craziest fucking thing in the world.

"It talked!?"

"Kind of. Just the one word, and it didn't say it right."

"And then you hopped into its hand and it took you to safety."

"I also taught it the word 'gate'" Levi adds, which throws Hanji into another screaming fit. Yeah, today was a weird day.

Chapter Text

Notes

(None)

Summary

Chapter

Titans are varied. Not just in size, but in intellect and abilities. Smaller titans tend to be lower intellect and lack anything special. Not every 15 meter has something special either. But they were at least usually more intelligent. Rather than just mindlessly clawing towards fresh meat, they are more likely to wait or even explore. And maybe, just maybe, they would be a greater titan. Titans who could think beyond the immediate hope for fresh meat. 

Issue with greater titans is that they tend to fight each other. The lessor titans could be easily disposed of, if they start eating too much meat. But a fellow greater titan was a constant threat, and not something that could be abided.

So really, it didn’t have a choice. The challenger titan had proven itself greater, and the curious titan could either stick around until the greater killed it properly, or it could leave. It left. 

It has to console itself with the fact that the humans were strong and existed without the curious titan for a long time. They can handle the new greater titan in the area. So the curious titan moves south to the great forests. Where trees lumbered as high as the walls did. 

When it gets there, it watches the humans there in a new light. It had assumed that the walled humans were special. After all, they had walls, metal arms, and the ability to fly. But these humans are more than just fresh meat too. Far up in the tree tips, away from the reach of any but the tallest titans, they move. All kinds of human structures were securely attached, bridges, shelters, ladders, ropes. It could hardly see from its place on the floor, but it could see the humans move about happily.

These humans also leave their home. It doesn’t understand why, but it learns that if it stays hidden in the thick brush, they’ll leave through ropes. It watches them as they work quickly, picking up bright berries and fruits from the plants. For the first time, it notices more human things on the ground. Cages and ropes, some of them with animals wiggling inside. They make quick work of breaking the forest beasts and collecting them.

“ Titan! Titan! ” One starts to scream as it pulls away a branch to reveal the curious titan. It’s not worried, these humans cannot fly nor do they have metal arms. They scatter, running up many different ropes and carrying their haul up with him.

These humans are different, but not that different. It still feels the urge to protect. It decides then, that it would like to protect all humans, not just the walled humans.

Normally the curious titan wouldn't dare return to the walled humans for a long time. But with every passing cold season, its anxiety builds. It had learned to like all humans, but the walled humans are the most interesting. And so the curious titan finds itself making its way back to them.

The greater titan from before is gone, for now anyway, but another is in the area. It can smell the new greater titan. With any luck, it can drive it out and reclaim the land.

That doesn’t happen. It sends out challenging rumbles, but the other greater titan doesn’t seem interested in it. This frustrates the curious titan because it can smell the greater, but cannot feel its rumbles through the ground. The other titan is silent, not even caring enough to reply to the challenge. No, it’s not until that day that it finally meets the other greater. And it’s a bad day.

It’s even stronger than the last greater. Its skin is hard all over but still so fast. The curious titan again has no hope of taking it down. But the greater still doesn’t care about it, it just wants fresh meat. It'll throw the curious titan, subdue it, but then continue on its path around the walls. Looking for something and calculating. What exactly it's planning, or even if it's smart enough to plan, the curious titan can't say.

That’s when the worst happens. When the new greater charges and brakes clean through the odd spot in the wall. Gate , it remembers vaguely, not that the human word for it matters right now. 

This is bad, so bad. Everywhere it goes, there’s the same pattern. Humans have a safe place, their own walls , be it protected by trees or water or mist. Humans leave the safe place, sometimes die, but titans never get into the safe place.

Today, a titan broke into the safe place. Already it can smell the pain and fear , and the heady scent of meat follows. Dust fills the air, makes it hard to see what exactly is happening. But it doesn't take much imagination to guess. The wall has a hole in it and titans are pouring through.

Humans are screaming. There's odd human structures everywhere, titans dance around them, scooping up humans. These humans don't have their green cloaks nor do they fly. Just just scream until the titans take a bite. Then there is silence and limp bodies. 

There's still an urge, deep inside the curious titan. A cry for food, meat. There's so much meat here, they can all gorge. Feast.

But no, it won't. Humans are not meat. They are more than food, better than food. It fills the curious titan with rage so it howls. It rumbles out a warning to all, that these are its humans and it won't allow titans to eat them. The lessor titans take heed, scurrying away from it but not leaving the walls. They just find another location with another human to feast on.

It's hopeless, the curious titan cannot defend against all of the lesser titans nor can the humans hope to live like this. It's not some plan or goal that drives it, no, it's simply rage.

The curious titan rages, bringing fists down onto the nape of the lesser titans. It bites and tears and rips at the titans, filling its bloodlust for its own kind.

The green humans appear, along with humans with brown cloaks as well. They fly with metal arms and slice apart the napes of titans. But just as often, the titans pluck them out of the air and eat their meat. The smell of fresh meat fills the air but its rage keeps any drive to eat away.

 Another bang, but the curious titan can’t bring itself to care. There's too much chaos where the curious titan is. The humans fly around, trying to kill the lesser titans and save the grounded humans. They don’t harm the curious titan and the curious titan purrs with some distant satisfaction. Have they come to an alliance?

The curious titan starts to let its guard down, begins to trust the green cloaked humans. They fly around him as they work towards the same ends. The weary alliance has bloomed and fruited something, trust .

It is misplaced.

It's a brown cloaked human that does it. That flies so close to its nape. The curious titan smothers the need to swat it, to protect itself. No, it trusts the humans.

Metal arms meet its nape. Flesh cuts clean and its nape is rendered loose.

It plops on the ground with a wet squish . The titan moves in a way it hadn’t in so long, moves its tiny arms and tiny legs. Pulls free of the remains of the titan body it had. Nothing but a scrap of flesh, The majority of its body is meters away and rotting. The humans crowd it, making loud, roaring human sounds. Good. It gives him a break, a way to escape. It tries to stand, but it’s missing a leg. Cut clean off on its thigh, and an arm is missing too. It’s bad but it can still crawl and hope the blood trail evaporates before they notice.

It manages to wedge itself under a fallen wall, hidden from any eyes and ears. It consoles itself with the memory that humans cannot smell, and they will not find it.

“Who the fuck killed it?”

“ Jaeger! ”

“It’s a titan”

“It was a titan that only attacked other titans, you fucking idiots”

“It was invaluable to fighting back titans”

More human sounds, but they aren't directed at its tiny body. No, it is safe for the moment, but it needs to think. There are humans everywhere, it needs to escape. It needs to leave the walls, regroup away from the humans.

“Hey, we have another survivor” Another human is there, pulling the little titan out. It tries to fight, to push back, but its tiny body is too frail. Unbalanced from missing limbs and weak from disuse. The human pulls it out and holds it up. “Shit, kid. Shit. Uh, just hold on, okay. You’ll be fine. I just need to…” The human ties something tight and all too painful around the remains of its leg and arm. It doesn't understand why, but the human doesn't seem interested in its nape or harming it in any way. Perhaps it can pass as a human. Then maybe it can escape the walls after it recovers.

“Okay. Okay, that will stem the bleeding, now we need to get you safe.” The human removes its green cloak and swaddles the little titan in it. It fits perfectly, then it realizes. It is human sized, and apparently the human cannot tell the difference.

“Do you have a family? Parents?” The human makes human sounds at him and it realizes that it is making the sounds expecting a reply. It never learned how to reply back, the sounds are too complex. But like before, it tries to mimic the sounds.

“Shit. Shock, maybe a concussion. Okay, it’s going to be okay. You’re a survivor, right?”

It makes more sounds, hoping beyond hope to pass as a human.

“Yeah, that’s right. Just… Just be strong, okay?” The human looks away and its expression drops. If the human thinks it is human, then what is it doing? The curious titan looks around, sees other humans either fighting titans or helping other humans move away. Helping. Humans help other humans. This human is helping it, mistaking it as a human. Suddenly it can’t breathe, trying to take it all in. The human is making sounds at it and helping it, like it was a human. Is this what humans do? Is this what it is like to be a human? It never wants to let the feeling go.

The human drops it off at another hole. Gate . It was a gate, those weird holes. This one is also destroyed. Humans are passing through it en masse and for a moment its mouth waters. So many humans, all together. It could scoop them up and enjoy the fine meat. But no. It doesn’t eat humans, not anymore. And it can’t even if it wanted to, not here, not like this.

“This one has missing limbs and a concussion. He needs a medic, ASAP”, the human hands him off to another. They drop him off on a wooden slab attached to more not-deer. It moves and they are being carried off. There are other humans there, some gasp and look at it. It doesn’t know what to do so it just looks to the side. No humans are talking at it, so it leaves it be.

“Why are his limbs smoking?”

“What is happening to him?”

“They are regrowing!”

“Is it a titan?”

“Everyone stand back”

The humans are panicking, moving away from the little titan. It tries to lay still, to give out peace, calm, no fight rumbles but the humans still scurry away. Some even jump out of the wagon, running into the fields.

“Damnit kid, talk to us. What the fuck is happening? Are you... “ One of the cloaked humans brings out a metal arm and points it at the curious titan. Have they discovered its true identity? Humans don’t heal, while its limbs have been steadily growing. That must be it. 

“Speak, or I will cut you down!” The cloaked human yells but the sounds are still lost on the little titan. It clearly wants a reply, but when the little titan tries to use human sounds it just panics more.

“You’re not human. You- you’re a titan, or something. No, this isn’t right. I’m going to…” The human seems confused, struggling to decide what to do. The little titan sees that its time is up. Its cover is blown but its leg is still healing. It could try to escape, but it would be no match in outrunning a human, much less a human on a not-deer. And it's still way too soon to shift back into its big body.

Feed, meat meat meat, eat

A titan, a large enough one to make rumbles that the little titan could feel even through the wagon. It tries to reply, no, mine, go away, fight but it is too small for its rumbles to escape the wagon. Instead it makes more human sounds, hoping beyond hope to convey the message.

It recalls then, that the little human in the forest pointed to convey a message. It doesn’t know if it should point towards the thing to focus on or in the direction to go, but it opts to point towards the incoming titan because at least that way, they are bound to see it.

“Shit, shit, what is it doing?”

“Oh Sina, it’s another one, it’s coming our way”

The humans all focus on the more immediate threat, the 12 meter sprinting their way. The little titan feels helpless, still recovering limbs and too small to even offer a proper challenge rumble, much less fight it. 

“You! Steer the horses away from it, but keep going north. I’m going to try to fight it,” the cloaked human takes flight, metal arms raised. But its cloak is brown, not green, and that means it is weak. It jerks to a halt in the air in front of the titan. Screaming and flailing wildly, the human is powerless as the titan opens its maw and throws it in. There’s a crunch , red trickles down its chin, and the rich scent of fresh meat fills the air. The little titan hungers. It is weak and needs energy to grow a new body. Its instincts scream to dive towards a human, feast while there is time before the larger titan gets there.

But no, it won’t. It won’t eat a human, even if they are doomed to be eaten. Even if the meat is so fresh, and would be so sweet in its mouth. Instead, the 12 meter feasts. It grabs the cart and is smart enough to break the not-deer so it no longer moves. The humans try to jump out, to flee but the titan keeps them carefully contained. One by one, it pops them into its gaping maw, feasting.

It pays no mind to the little titan, obviously. They are both titans, and only humans have meat. It can still smell the titan on the little body and knows it has no meat. Smell of human fear and blood fills the air and the little titan can’t help but rumble please share . The large one rumbles no and flicks the little titan away with a massive hand. It lands meters away by a bush, where it eventually stumbles into it. Perhaps there it could be safe from humans.

The sun is setting by the time another cart passes by. The previous cart is sideways, the not-deer crushed, and only blood stains remain of the humans. The titan is long gone and the little titan is exhausted. Its limbs are back but the dying rays are making it sluggish. Somehow the humans seem to be full of energy still, jogging towards the little titan and pulling it up. How can they find the power when the sunlight is waning like this?

“Shit, fuck. Are you okay kid?” The human asks and the titan just offers up its arms. It enjoys the contact of the human from before. The shared warmth and just peace of it all. Peace and protection and so many more feelings it never understood. They are so sweet as they settle in its chest. Better than all of the meat.

“Okay. Come on, let’s get you safe”

The human puts the little titan back on a wood slab pulled by a not not-deer. It looks around at its new cartmates and silently hopes they will have a safer trip than the last cart. It pulls the cloak tight, feeling a chill in the air. It never felt a chill before, but instinctively it knew to pull the cloak tight. Its little body is distinctly different from its titan one, and it's easy to see how the humans mistake the little titan for one of their own.

“Look mama, that man is naked”

“Hush babe”

“Are you okay?” A human talks to it. Behind it, another human holds close. The second human didn’t say anything, but they were leaning against each other in a way that suggested something. It didn’t know what, didn’t have the words, but they were together. The titan wants that. It wants to be together with humans, to help each other.

The world is dimming and so is the mind of the little titan. It had been a long day, and the titan is far from safe. The humans don’t seem to be slowing down, maybe they can last longer without the sun. Which means that the titan will be vulnerable while asleep, at the complete mercy of the humans. Safety. It wants safety. No, it wants protection . How it faithfully protected and saved that little human in the forest, it wants a human to do the same for it here.

It leans against the human that spoke to it. It is warm and safe. A new feeling blooms in the little titan, comfort . Its eyes flicker closed as its mind shuts off. The sun has gone and it is time to rest. The blonde human wraps its arms around the little titan, bringing them closer and sharing their warmth. It is nice, and it feels protected.

-

“Wow, he’s really warm. I think he might have a fever,” Armin’s hands skirt over the boy’s face. He looks… rough. Everyone does (oh Maria, what happened, can this be real) but this person is different. His hair is long and wild, his eyes wide with fear, the way he looked around, as though he never saw the outside world before. The only thing he is wearing is a green scout’s cloak, which Armin has the distinct feeling isn’t his. Maybe he was bathing or something when it happened. This isn’t exactly a normal day, so he’s not going to hold the nudity against him. Though if they do find some pants, that’d be great.

“Maybe he’s in shock. He seemed pretty out of it,” Mikasa offers and it does seem like it. Not surprising, considering how they found him. Clearly a titan found the wagon he was in, and it is nothing short of a miracle that he survived. What he must have seen.

What they all saw…

“Shock makes you cold, not hot. He might have an infected injury.” The wall garrison soldier chimes in. He doesn’t move from his post of steering the wagon though. “We’ll be inside wall Rose soon. Then we can get him checked out and clothed. Same goes for all of you. The sun set so the titans won’t be active anymore. I think we made it.” His voice cracks at the end and everyone sighs in relief. Some cry, some praise the walls. Mikasa leans tighter into Armin and they both let go of the fear and tension.

Armin pulls the strange boy into the hug as well. He doesn’t seem to have anyone. Maybe he did, and they were with him in the last wagon. Armin tries not to think about his grandfather, if he made it. If Elae, the kind old lady who would watch them on warm evenings, if she made it. Harry and Jannik, they would pick on him a lot but he finds himself wishing them safety as well. 

“It’s okay Armin. We made it, and we have each other.” Mikasa gives him a squeeze and he finally lets the tears spill. Yeah, they made it, and at the very least, they have each other.

It’s late into the night when they pass the gates of Rose. And while they knew that the titans were down for the night, Armin still feels a wave of peace wash over him. The strange boy is still nestled into his side, dead to the world. Armin can’t blame him, he wants to sleep and wake up back in his bed, have this whole day be a nightmare.

They are taken to a cathedral swarming with refugees and soldiers. The faint smell of warm soup wafts through the air.

“Hey, wake up. We’re here, I think,” Armin stirs to wake up the strange boy, but he really is out. His skin isn’t clammy, but it’s still hot and he doesn’t even stir. “Hey, I think something is wrong with him. He’s not waking up.”

“Shit, is he alive?” A soldier starts touching the boy, feeling his foreneck, neck, chest.

“Yeah, he’s warm and breathing. He just won’t wake up,” Armin finds himself oddly concerned. It’s like ever since the boy nuzzled into his side, it’s been his responsibility to watch over him. Which is silly, because he didn’t have to do anything nor was there anything he could do. But he feels a protective tug towards him all the same.

“I’ll take him to the field infirmary. Do you want to come along? I can’t promise that you guys can find each other later if you split up now.” And that’s a question that Armin has to think about. He shares a glance with Mikasa and she seems to be thinking the same thing. He doesn’t know the boy. Doesn’t even know his name. They have no reason to stick with him. But they lost everything yesterday. Homes, friends, family, everything. All they have are each other and the clothes on their back. So it’s natural, he thinks, to feel reluctant to let go of any kind of companionship he found. Besides, he gets the feeling the boy could really use a friend as well.

“Yes, let’s follow,” Mikasa makes the call for them, probably for the same reasons.

The soldier heaves up the boy, carrying him bridal style and the two others follow. It’s chaos. A woman frantically moves through the crowd, asking if anyone has seen her baby. An old man wails, a deep and sorrowful cry. The fragmented remains of a family hug and cry. So many people are pacing the streets searching for lost family. Armin tries to tune them out, tune out all the anguish and just look for a familiar face. But he can’t. He sees himself in everyone here. Lost and heart broken.

The infirmary is worse. It’s set up in what seems to be a dinning hall. Armin could picture lively nights and cheerful smiles here, in another world. Instead the tables are overturned and crammed into a corner. Cots fill the room, most of them with bodies in them.

“Shh Meik, it’ll be okay,” A young woman cries beside a middle aged man. Father, maybe. He groans and writhes. The sheets covering him are stained red, and with a rush of dread Armin sees the stain grow. Is the man bleeding that fast? Is he witnessing his dying moments?

“Armin, come on,” Mikasa tugs him along. Her eyes are filled with pain too, but planted firmly on the ground. Right, they need to move forward. They need to… Armin doesn’t know. But if he keeps this up, he’s going to go insane.

The soldier lays the boy on an empty cot in a thankfully quieter part of the building.

“Do you think you can eat? I’ll get you two some soup and a medic for your friend. Do you know where your parents are?” The soldier asks with a grimace, as though he already knows the answer.

“No. I really just have my grandfather, and we haven’t seen him since…” Since this morning. Since he went out to the market. The market on the south side, near where the titans got in.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay kid. I’m sure he’s looking for you right now. We have a lot of these camps set up, he could be in any one of them,” the soldier rubs his back and Mikasa is clutching his side. He’s hyperventilating, he realizes.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure he’s fine. He has to be,” because if he isn’t, then he really does have no one. The thought pulls a whimper out of Armin. A wave of grief hits and he tries to hold back the tears. Mikasa holds him tighter but the soldier leaves them be. Armin grabs the hand of the sleeping boy, if for no other reason than he’s another human being he has, somebody . 

“He’s probably at another camp,” Mikasa says after a long moment. “Him and Grisha, I’m sure.” Mikasa adds her foster father to the list. Grisha had run off, trying to help the injured back in Shiganshina but they had been with Carla for a time. Until the titan had…

Armin tries not to think about it. Her arm, outstretched towards them. The blood, her face as the titan...

They cry together, silent and holding each other tight. The medic comes in with two bowls and heavy eyes.

“Eat, you’ll need your energy,” he grunts at them when the pair just stare at the food. The soup is mostly broth with a few stray vegetables floating in it. There isn’t much nourishment to be had in it, but Armin doubts he could stomach anything more substantial.

“What happened to your friend?” The medic inspects the boy. He looks confused but not alarmed, so that is probably a good sign.

“I don’t know. When we found him, it looked like. Like a titan had gotten the wagon he was in. I think he survived by hiding in a nearby bush. When we found him he was pretty shook up. Needed to be carried to the wagon, then he just passed out.” It’s really a miracle he survived. Armin can’t imagine what he saw.

“He doesn’t seem to be injured, but he is running a fever. I’m not sure what to make of it, but there isn’t anything I can do but let him rest. Come get me if something changes. You two should rest up as well.” The medic pulls out some spare clothes and lifts the boy to make him decent. He is completely out of it, letting the medic manhandle him into clothes. Head lolling to the side and long hair falling freely. He almost looks feral in a way. He wonders what the boy’s name is, but it’ll have to wait until tomorrow. With a warm meal in his belly and relative calm, sleep pulls both of them down within minutes.

Blood. Blood, fear, pain, meat . It makes its mouth water. It is so hungry, it needs to eat. Needs to devour the meat, grow another body.

It swallows back the drool. No. Humans are more than meat. They are better than just meat. But the smells are making its skin prickle with the need and it needs to leave this area. It needs to get back out, away from the humans and the walls where it can be safe.

It’s wobbly when it gets up. Its legs don’t want to hold its weight and its stomach churns.

“Hey, you’re awake. Wait, you need stay,” a human makes sounds, clearly directed at it. Another human stirs nearby and they are both on the little titan. It’s not good at recognizing different humans, but it thinks these are the ones from last night. The titan groans, making a passably human sound but keeps it simple. The last humans seemed to realize its human sounds weren’t right.

“You’re safe. We’re safe. Here, let me get you some food,” the human with golden hair leaves it, scampering away. The second human keeps its grip on the little titan though. So it stays seated. Best not to act out, it doesn’t want to cause another conflict. These humans don't seem afraid of it, so they probably don't realize it's a titan.

“I’m Mikasa, and that was Armin,” the human says. Its voice is soft and the titan can’t help but feel more relaxed. Somehow it conveys ally, peace, no fight without any rumbles at all. 

“What’s your name?” It continues after a moment of silence. The titan clenches its teeth and turns away. It doesn’t know how to respond. The humans don’t rumble, they seem to convey messages with sounds from the mouth, and it doesn’t understand how to reply. Or even what it wants. It just hopes to not offend, hopes its silence doesn’t signal fight .

“So he is up,” the first human returns with another, taller human. The golden haired human is carrying some kind of steaming bowl. “Are you hurt anywhere? Any kind of internal pain?” The human pulls up a stool and plops into it. The titan looks down and hopes they have mercy. It doesn’t want to fight.

“He hasn’t said anything, not even when I asked his name.” The dark haired human speaks, and that seems to be enough to get them talking without the titan’s response. Good.

“He’s probably traumatized. You said that he was with another group that got massacred?” The tall human clucks and gently pulls the titan’s wrist. It decides to let the human have it. It presses a thumb into the titan’s wrist and for a long moment nothing happens. “Pulse is high, but that’s not surprising, all things considered. I think he’s suffering from emotional trauma, but is physically fine. Does he have anyone besides you two? Parents, siblings?”

“Uh, no? I don’t think so.”

“I know it’s asking a lot, but maybe you could watch over him then? He’s in no condition to care for himself, that much is obvious.” The tall human stands and looks over at the other two.

“Yeah, I think we can. Right Mikasa?” The golden haired one turns to the dark haired human.

“I guess so.”

“Good, hopefully he’ll be able to talk again soon. Until then, keep him comfortable and relaxed. The sooner he feels safe, the sooner he’ll begin to recover.” The taller human leaves after that. The other two stay though, and the golden haired one puts the steaming bowl in the titan’s hands. It is filled with a pale brown sludge that the titan really has no idea what to do with.

“I grabbed some for us too,” the human grabs more bowls from a table, offering one to the dark haired human and keeping one for itself. “So, you can’t talk?” The golden haired human speaks. A moment passes before the other chimes in.

“It’d be nice if we could get a name at least.”

“Yeah, it would. Can you write your name at least?” The titan keeps quiet, staring into its bowl. Things would be so much easier if humans just rumbled like normal, and didn’t make mouth sounds.

“That’s a no.”

“Maybe we can guess it. Let’s see. Does it begin with a vowel?” The golden haired human keeps talking at it, and the titan starts to get frustrated. Why can’t they just accept its silence? A growl tries to escape its throat, but it manages to bite it back. Humans can hear mouth sounds, so a growl might actually start a fight.

“Er? I think he tried to say his name. What names start with ‘er’?” 

“I don’t know. Eren, maybe?”

“Is your name Eren?” The humans seem to like grunts and groans. Even the titan’s aborted growl seemed to answer them. So following the trend, it hums in a way that it hopes they will find appeasing.

“I think that’s it. Eren. I guess it’d be hoping too much to get a last name,” the blond sighs and turns to its own bowl, satisfied. 

“Just give him your last name if anyone asks. Eren Arlet. It’s catchy.”

“No way! What if his family is looking for him?”

“Well not having a last name isn’t going to help them either”

“Yeah, but if we give a fake last name, it could make things worse. We should just be honest.”

“You’re too honest Armin,” the humans talk to each other. The flow of human sounds is nice, relaxing. The titan tries to parse the sounds but it’s mostly meaningless. ‘ Name ’ is a repeating sound but the titan doesn’t know what it means.

The humans use a small, metal piece to bring the brown sludge to their mouths. It doesn’t smell like meat, and the titan isn’t excited at the prospect of eating it. But if it wants to survive long enough to escape the walls, it needs to blend in. So with no enthusiasm, it brings a small portion of the sludge to its tongue.

Horrible. It’s definitely not meat and the titan’s entire body wants to reject the foul substance. It doesn’t care how swift death will be, not another drop of this heinous substance will touch its tongue. 

“Heh, yeah Eren, this is pretty bad.” The blond laughs as the titan gives it the bowl back. The other human hunches over, giggling as well. Such weird sounds, it had never heard them before, not even from the green cloaked humans. And yet, somehow, the titan finds itself making them as well, along with its two humans. Laughter .

Chapter Text

There's not enough food. Every day they get smaller and smaller portions. Some people leave the refuge camp but more come in. It's not until a wave of refugees, saying that their camp got shut down, that Armin sees that they need to leave. They wait in line for hours only to have the food run out before they can get a single bite. 

"What are we going to do now?" He trembles, full body shivers from fear and hunger.

"I don't know. I haven't seen your grandpa or Grisha. I don't think they're coming," Mikasa pulls her red scarf tight. Her eyes are wet. Beside her, perched on a crate, Eren seems as happy as can be. Legs kicking, smiling peacefully, basking in warm sunlight. His eyes trail across the streets, along all the suffering and lost, and he just smiles .

"How can you smile right now?" Armin really doesn't know where the rage came from. He was never angry, always understanding. Maybe it's all the stress and fear but he snaps. "People died. Our families are gone! Our home is gone! And you're just…" and as quick as it came, the rage leaves. He's just hurting. Lashing out.

"I don't think he's all there," Mikasa murmurs. Eren looks confused and concerned, but not really ashamed. Mikasa is right, he's just simple. He has to be. Or maybe the emotional trauma just broke his mind. Whatever the case, Eren doesn't deserve his anger.

"I'm sorry Eren. I shouldn't snap at you," Armin leans over and gives the boy a hug. He eagerly returns it after a moment and it does a lot to ease Armin's heart. He is still hot. Is it because he was sunbathing, or does he really just run this hot? Maybe he is sick?

"But we need food and somewhere to go," Armin sighs into the boy's neck. “So if you know of any family around here we can stay with, please share." Armin laughs weakly at the hopelessness of it all.

"Food. Do you know food?" Mikasa mimes eating at Eren.

"Mikasa, I don't think that'll help-"

"Fo-od?" Eren speaks slowly, like he's trying to feel the word in his mouth. "Food." He says again, more confident. Mikasa mimes eating again and repeats the word. Eren's eyes almost glow with understanding. 

"Food," he says one last time before taking off.

"Mikasa! Look what you did," Armin whines as they take off after him.

"What? Maybe he does know where there is food." They banter as they try to keep up with Eren. He surely must know the city, because he's leading them around with such confidence.

Or maybe he's just simple and they are all getting hopelessly lost.

"Food," Eren repeats, staring down a street full of food vendors. Everything from sweets to vegetables and even deliciously smoked meats. It's almost torture because they don't actually have any way to buy it.

"But Eren, we don't have any money. We need money to buy this stuff." And it's just cruel to look and smell and then walk away hungry.

"Armin's right. We can't just take it. We need to be careful." Mikasa gently lectures Eren, even though it seems like none of it is really getting through.

"Mikasa! You aren't thinking about stealing, are you?" Armin says in a hushed whisper. Mikasa doesn't answer, but trots along the path and oh so nimbly plucks a loaf of bread from a distracted vendor. Eren grins wide and follows suit, picking some apple pastries before they both duck into an alley. Armin swallows down his anxiety and tries to do the same (because they are starving children and isn't there a saying about stealing bread to feed the hungry?) but a hard glare from a turnip vendor keeps him on the straight and narrow.

He catches up with his friends- thieves! - deep in an alleyway. Mikasa had already torn her loaf of bread into threes and was chewing a large part of her share. Eren nibbles his pastry before scrunching up his nose and handing it all off to Armin. The pair happily eat in the shady part of the alley, while Eren seems more content to sunbathe on the other half. Despite being the one to lead them to the food, he doesn't take any for himself.

"He needs to eat," Mikasa hums, rolling a piece of bread in her hands.

"Yeah, I haven't seen him really eat anything yet. I get being a picky eater, but he has to be starving." Yet Eren seems to be keeping his energy up, despite hardly eating anything for days. He just tastes whatever food then sneers and passes it off.

"Here, eat." Mikasa crosses the narrow alleyway and shoves the bread into Eren's chest. Eren looks like a cross between confused and begging. Mikasa mimes eating again and stares him down. She could be pretty intimidating when she wants to be.

Eventually Eren began chewing on the bread. He's a picture of a kid being forced to eat his vegetables, face scrunched exaggerated chewing motions. Armin even chuckles a bit at it.

"Maybe he'll like a pastry more. They're pretty good," Armin comments. They are quite good, sweet and buttery. He gives one to Mikasa and she seems to agree, based on how quickly she eats it. They offer one to Eren, who has finally eaten his bread, but he huffs and looks away. Even without words, the message of ' leave me alone, I don't want to eat your gross food ’ is clear.

"He stole these just for us," Armin toys with the last pastry. He tries not to get lost on how they got the meal. He doesn't feel good about it, but he doesn't know what else to do. They were so hungry and the food had run out. Even before then, they had just been getting half a bowl of soup a day.

"What do you think is up with him," Mikasa muses. Eren has returned to sunbathing, but now with a twisted look on his face.

It's a good question. He doesn't seem to be able to talk, or even understand them. But he can apparently be taught words. 

"Maybe he speaks a different language." Armin concludes.

"Isn't that something from your grandpa's old book?"

"Yeah. There use to be societies all around the world before the titans. They had their own languages. Maybe there was a village inside Maria that had the last remains of one of these societies." Crazy, but it would explain Eren.

"Maybe. I don't think he's simple." Mikasa vaguely agrees. No, Eren isn't simple. He picks up on things well enough. Surprisingly well, if he really doesn't understand anything they say.

Suddenly Eren bolts up and stumbles forward a few steps towards some kind of abandoned crate.

"Eren, what's-" Mikasa starts but winces as Eren loses his meager lunch.

"Maybe you shouldn't force him to eat anymore."

"Yeah, that's probably for the best," Mikasa agrees. Eren plops back down into his original spot and looks a lot less pained. They should just trust Eren to know what he can and can't eat and when. 

It only gets harder from there. They aren't the first or last refugees that resort to stealing and it's becoming abundantly clear that they have worn out their welcome in Trost.

"Paper," Mikasa says slowly, showing Eren the flier. Refugees not welcome is written boldly across it.

"Paper," he replies with confidence.

"Words," Mikasa points to the text, and Eren's face falls.

"Paper words," he says, sans all previous confidence. Apparently this is confusing him, but there's really no other way to learn. And Eren is starting to pick up words, even though the whole process frustrates him.

"Do you really think there were villages out there that spoke a different language?" Mikasa sighs, clearly frustrated herself. Eren learns words for objects and actions easily enough, but when it comes to more abstract or complicated things he really flails. Like he can’t accept that a single object can have multiple words attached to it.

"I don't know. It's kinda crazy but what else could explain him." Armin muses. Eren has opted to tear up the offending paper before plopping down in a sunny spot.

"I think it's something crazier. He's not normal." Mikasa plops down next to Armin. Eren stays in his sunny spot. He loves to be in the sun, no matter how hot it may be.

"Mikasa! That's mean." Sure, Eren is a little off, but he's a good guy. He always is happy to help them, at least when he understands what they need.

"It's not like he can understand us," she shrugs. "And it's true. Like how he just passes out when it gets dark."

"He probably worked on a farm. You know they rise and sleep with the sun. And if he's from an isolated village, they would have to be self-sufficient." As weird as Eren is, it makes sense.

"He doesn't eat." Yeah, that's kinda weird. With how little he eats, he should be lethargic and losing weight. But he seems perfectly capable of keeping up with them, or even out pacing them.

"Maybe he's sneaking away to eat. I don't know, he has a way with finding food, and he does sometimes run off."

"If he's sneaking food in, I wish he'd share. I'm so hungry," Mikasa groans. Eren cocks his head at the two. He's still wearing the simple white shirt and trousers the medic gave him, and wraps himself in a green scouts cloak they found himself in.

"Food?" Eren asks. He seems to have picked out what they were talking about, or at least that it is about food.

"Hey, what are you kids doing here?" A gruff middle aged man scowls at them. They had been loitering in front of a house, and Armin guesses this must be the owner.

"We're sorry, but we don't have anywhere else to be. We didn't hurt anything, we promise," Armin begins talking. He's always the one talking their way out of trouble. Mikasa always preferred actions to words, and Eren didn't have any words to start with. So Armin usually found himself the one to smooth out issues.

"You got parents?" The man asks after a moment.

"I have a grandpa, Mikasa has her foster dad, and I'm sure Eren has somebody too. But we aren't sure where they are," Armin answers honestly.

"Haven't seen them since the fall, I take it?" The man sighs heavily. Armin shakes his head. He's about to insist that they made it out, they had to. But the man adjusts his pack and waves then forward.

"I can't have a pack of orphans starving on my front door. Come on, I can make you some lunch." The man disappears inside his house but leaves the door open. Armin and Mikasa beam before following. Eren wanders in after them, but with less excitement. Weary almost.

"Don't get used to this, I can't go adopting any ragamuffins." He gestures towards a table and moves to a basic kitchenette. The place is small, almost more of a cabin, but homey and lived in. It makes Armin's heart pang with homesickness. He misses home. He misses having a home.

The man pulls a limp rabbit from his bag and Armin gasps at the implication. "Meat?" 

"Yeah, I caught the little guy earlier today, but I already have a good supply of vegetables. I figured you lot could use it more. Kids your age ought to be growing, but I'm guessing you've been shrinking these past weeks." The man smiles warmly and begins the process of butchering. Armin tries to watch, should probably learn things like this. But the gore makes him turn away. Mikasa knows how to butcher animals, he thinks. And Eren is watching with a rapt gaze. 

"Thanks so much. We haven't eaten like this since…" Armin stops the thought, kills it before it can bring a new wave of homesickness.

"Don't mention it. We all need a little help getting up after a bad time. What are your names? I'm Mick." The man- Mick- converses casually. They chat easily while he cooks and soon he lays out a small feast for them. Vegetable stew, bread, and roasted rabbit.

"I don't think you'll find much more generosity in these parts," Mick comments as he joins them at the table.

"Yeah, I know. But we don't have anywhere else to go."

"Go north east, to Greding. It's not far, only a couple days' walk. They might have more room for you, but if not you might have to keep walking." Mick explains. "People here aren't bad folks. We look after people, when we can anyway. But there's just too many of you. Not enough to go around, it's making people look after their own first."

Armin nods. It makes sense. There's not enough food, or even clothes and shelter. The city streets are overrun with the homeless and starving. They beg and steal, and even Armin has to admit they’ve become a blight on Trost. But maybe if the refugees spread out, they'll be able to find new homes. A sharp pain hits his shin from under the table.

"Mikasa, ow!" But Mikasa just points to Armin's other side, where Eren is greedily chewing on roasted rabbit. They had never seen him actually eat before and it leaves both of them a bit flabbergasted.

"Your friend likes rabbit I see. He should eat his stew though, kids need more than just meat." Mick smiles at the kid.

"He, uh, has a pretty weak stomach. Hasn't been able to eat much." Armin wonders if it's because of the fall or if he's always been like that.

"All you kids needed was just a bit of sympathy. It's a rough world out there, and it's only going to get rougher. Try to remember to be good to each other, okay?" Mick's wise, gentle words make Armin want to cry. It's true. No one really cared for them since the fall. Overworked soldiers bused them from place to place, exhausted medics looking them over before sending them on their way. It felt like they were just livestock being herded and processed, not people.

"Thank you, really," Mikasa adds softly. She was also touched by Mick's generosity, probably feeling for the first time in weeks. He knew she liked to shove her emotions down, especially when things were tough.

"Thank- you," Eren adds in an odd, choppy way. Luckily Mick doesn't question his tenuous grasp of language, and instead sends them on their way. With a full belly and heart brimming with hope, Armin feels ready to face the future. Even Eren seems peppier than normal. Probably because it's the first real meal he's had for weeks.

"Are we really going to Greding?" Mikasa asks with a slow, heavy voice. She fingers her red scarf, her sour mood is in sharp contrast to the boys'.

"Well, yeah. Or at least somewhere else." They couldn't stay there, that's for sure.

"But then Grisha won't be able to find us," Mikasa keeps worrying away her scarf and biting her lip.

Right. If they leave the city, they'll have no hope of finding any friends or family. It's a chilling thought, forcing the two children to face reality. This is the moment that separates the before and the after. Once they leave, they'll be giving up on the idea of their parents finding them and then returning to a normal childhood, just in a different city.

But their parents aren't coming for them. No one in Trost is looking for them, and they can't wait around, pretending like they are. It's the brutal reality that Armin has been fighting to deny for weeks. They need to watch out for themselves now.

"I know. But we can't stay here anymore, you know that Mikasa," he says and her shoulders slump. He could almost see the hope escape her. She already lost her family once before, he can't imagine the pain and turmoil of losing her foster family like this.

"I know," she's so quiet, it's hardly even a whisper.

"No sad," Eren is on her, his arms wrapping tightly around her. She manages a weak laugh before turning into the hug.

"Sorry, Eren," she mutters and spends a long moment in the embrace. Did Eren not have a family? Someone to lose during the fall, to mourn? Maybe his family did get eaten in the wagon, and he's blocked it out or something.

"He's purring," Mikasa says. It's such a silly thought that Armin can't even parse it. "Come here," she adds after a moment and he does. Eren happily throws an arm around him, turning the hug into a three way affair. And sure enough, he's purring. It's a deep rumble in his chest that seems to spill across his body and into theirs. Not exactly like a cat, no. There's a certain pitch, fluctuations to it. But Armin would be lying if he said it wasn't a purr.

"Okay, I don't have a theory for this one." Armin's mind draws an absolute blank. Mikasa laughs and the heavy moment fades into the past.

"Yeah, he's pretty weird," Mikasa smiles gently at Eren as she pushes away from him. Eren, for his part, pouts and his chest goes silent. 

"Maybe he has something in his lungs? Like an infection. It would explain the fever." Though Armin hates the thought that Eren could be carrying something like the consumption (and hugging them with it). But he hasn’t coughed once so the theory is too weak to generate any actual fear.

"I think he's just weird." They begin walking away, towards the edge of town to follow Mick's advice.

"That's not an answer." Armin complains.

"What weird?" Eren asks, causing both of them to look back. They both had been teaching him words in their spare time, which was often. They really shouldn't be surprised at how quickly he is picking it up.

“You,” Mikasa explains, poking a finger into his chest. Eren furrows a brow, frustrated and for a moment Armin thinks that he understands and is about to be upset with them.

“Am not weird. Am Eren,” he corrects. Armin snickers. Mikasa calls him weird enough for it to be a nickname.

“He’s got you there,” Armin jabs. Mikasa huffs in mock annoyance but she’s smiling too. 

They are an hour out of the city when the sun begins to set. Eren, predictably, lags behind. And normally when Eren nods off at the first sight of darkness, it's fine. They didn't have anywhere to go or be, so they could just hunker down wherever he drops.

But today, it is an issue. They are out in the woods where it is dark and cold with who knows what lurking out in the trees. Armin wants to spend as little time out here as possible. And that means waking at least a little bit in the dark.

"Come on Eren, try to stay awake."

"No sun. Sleep," he groans, teal eyes going flat from exhaustion. His feet drag and he is practically stumbling. A single unfortunately placed rock in the road could probably bring him down.

"Come on, Eren. The sooner we get to the Greding, the sooner we can get a meal," Mikasa pushes Eren from behind. Eren whines but manages to stay on his feet. The moon is full and bright, giving them good enough visibility to easily see the road and they manage to trudge on for another hour before Eren finally gives up.

"Sleep," he grunts as he plops down against a lone tree. Armin wants to keep going, but he realizes how much they've been pushing Eren as is.

"Alright, we can rest for the night. But I really hope we can get to Greding tomorrow," Armin sits next to Eren and Mikasa follows suit. Ideally they could have looked around for a better spot to camp, but something tells him Eren isn't moving until morning.

Said boy gasps and sends panic ripping through Armin. Was there a predator? A bandit? But no, Eren is staring up at the night sky as though he's never seen it before.

"What that?" He asks, palming up at the sky as though he could brush the stars.

"Uh, the sky? Stars? Have you never seen the night sky, Eren?" Armin knew he slept whenever it was night, but surely there must have been some point in his life that he was awake at night, even if just going to the bathroom in the middle of the night?

"Sky stars?" He repeats, still in complete awe. He manages to pry his eyes away from them long enough to give Armin an intense look, as though he personally was responsible for hiding the night sky from him for his entire life.

"Stars," Mikasa corrects and Eren repeats the single word. He twists his head every which way, as though he could get a new angle on the twinkling lights.

"Maybe he's from the underground?" Mikasa suggests after a moment. And that would explain why he is awestruck by the night sky, but it still doesn't fit.

"But why does he always get so sleepy in the dark then? Shouldn't he be used to it?" Armin counters and Mikasa hums thoughtfully for a moment.

"Maybe the sun is so bright that it keeps him up, and he is sleepy when it goes down." Seems like a stretch but Armin doesn't call her on it.

"Well, that also wouldn't explain why he was inside wall Maria. Isn't the underground supposed to be below Mitras?"

"I bet it's a hell of a story," Mikasa says after a brief moment.

"Yeah. Whatever it is, it's probably pretty crazy. Huh, Eren?" Armin looks back at the strange boy. He apparently gave up his wonder of the stars for sleep and only gives an annoyed grunt in response. "I can't wait to ask him, once he can talk well enough." Judging by how fast he's picking it up, they should be able to have conversations in a month or two.

"I kinda of like guessing," Mikasa murmurs, looking up at the sky herself.

"Yeah, me too," he admits. It's nice, in a way. They are left guessing about so much. When their next meal will be, if their parents are alive, if they will ever get to go home. Those questions are like knives in their hearts. But Eren's past is something to puzzle on that doesn't really matter. He's with them now, and while it's fun to speculate, the answers don't really matter.

"He makes a good substitute for a blanket," Mikasa yawns as she snuggles up next to Eren. Armin follows suit, taking the overheated boy's left side. He really is warm and it does a lot to fight off the spring night chill.

"Goodnight Mikasa."

"Goodnight Armin." She replies. "Goodnight Eren," she adds, patting his chest.

"No," followed by an angry grunt is how Eren bids them goodnight. The two snicker before drifting off.

When Armin wakes up, Eren is already fidgeting. The sun is just rising, of course it is. Eren always wakes up with the sun. Armin groans, which gives Eren all the permission he needs to get up.

It was a terrible night's sleep. It was cold and dirty, the ground was too hard to be comfortable, and he kept getting woken up by sounds in the forest. They have to get to Greding today. Armin won't stop walking until they do. At least in the city it's a bit warmer and safer. Plus they can usually find some kind of shelter with something soft for beds.

"Come on, let's get going guys," Armin yawns as he stands. At least they won't be losing any daylight. Mikasa shambles up, looks like she didn't have a good night either. Eren though seems as chipper as ever. It's like he's right at home sleeping on the forest floor.

"Food?" Eren asks with too bright eyes.

"We can get food in Greding, Eren," well, maybe. There's at least food there, but they’ll have to find a way to get it. "There's nothing to eat here."

"Food," Eren repeats again, this time with a scowl. Armin fights back a groan, because this is absolutely not what he needs today.

"Eren, come on. I know you're hungry, we all are. But we can eat in Greding." Armin grabs Eren's wrist to pull him forward but he doesn't budge.

"Food," he repeats, pointing into the woods. It's dark and creepy and just not a place that Armin wants to be.

"Maybe he knows about something in there." Mikasa suggests and takes a step towards where he is pointing. Armin bites his lip. Eren does seem to have a sixth sense about food. But what if they get lost? Or run into a predator?

Eren bolts into the woods. He's gone from visibility in moments, and Mikasa follows quickly. Suddenly Armin is all alone on the side of the road.

"Guys, wait," he steps into the thick brush. It's hard to navigate around the bushes and trees. He feels like he's lost his bearings within minutes and he still can't see Eren or Mikasa. This was a bad idea. He's lost the road and his friends.

Voices, familiar and sweet voices to his left. Too muffled to understand but definitely Mikasa with a few of Eren's words sprinkled in. Armin doesn't wait to make his way towards them.

"Meat!" Mikasa's voice.

"Meat," Eren repeats.

"Rabbit," Mikasa says. They break into view. The two are smiling wide with twinkling eyes. Mikasa is holding a rabbit, limp and a bit bloody. Armin doesn't know how they found and caught that thing, but he's suddenly very thankful that Mikasa gave Eren a chance.

"I think I can butcher it," Mikasa suggests. She pulls out a knife. Tiny and dull, she managed to pick it up at the refuge camp, though hasn't yet had occasion to use it. Armin gave her grief over it but he's suddenly thankful that Mikasa is always preparing for a fight.

"I think I can make a fire to cook it," it's been a while since Armin went camping, but his grandpa made sure to teach him how to start a fire. And suddenly they are moving. Mikasa finds a flat rock to clean the unlucky animal and Armin is gathering kindling and wood for a fire. He finds a relatively open patch of the woods and gets to work.

"How did you guys catch it anyway?" Armin muses. Not that he's complaining, but he can't see how a pair of inexperienced kids just walk into the woods and have a rabbit ten minutes later.

"Eren led me to the spot. Then he pointed for me to stay and crept around. I got the feeling we were hunting and then he scared the rabbit out, right towards me." Mikasa explains. Armin is careful not to look her way, lest her job kills his appetite. Instead he rolls this new information around in his head.

Eren just keeps getting weirder. He doesn't know how to talk, yet is easily learning. He's always hot, but isn't sick. He's never seen the night sky, but knows how to hunt. Nothing about him makes sense. Every time they come up with a theory, something else pops up that destroys it. The pieces are just not fitting together, and Armin is starting to think that Mikasa is right. Whatever Eren's story is, it's probably crazier than any of their theories.

But as the three of them gather around the warm fire to chase off the last of the morning chill, Armin still can't bring himself to regret sticking with Eren. They dig into their meaty breakfast with fervor, huddled together in the small clearing. And as though to emphasize Armin's line of thinking, Eren starts purring again.

Chapter Text

The little titan has learned a lot in his time living with humans. For one, he learned that he is, apparently, a ‘him’. He’s still unclear as to why there are men and women. He tried asking Armin, but the blonde turned a bright red and babbled sounds that the little titan is pretty sure weren't actually words. But whatever, a look in his pants and comparing his findings to an anatomy book confirmed his sex. Eren will just have to guess as to why he has these parts though.

That’s another thing he learned, his name is Eren. He knew that humans had sounds for everything (everything) so it shouldn’t surprise him that they had sounds for themselves too. Even titans have something like names, though they are more just rumbling calling cards.

"Do you have spare food?" Eren asks a lady (at least he's pretty sure it's female, but he's still not great at telling). He makes sure each word falls into the correct place. He understands the words, well for the most part, but the order is another layer of confusion. But this phrase he says a lot. 

The lady stops, huffs, sneers, and eventually decides to say "no, I don't. Why don't you try finding some back inside wall Maria" before trotting away. It pisses Eren off, and he wants to say something back but he doesn't have the words yet. He still rumbles out the equivalent of titan shit talking even though he knows humans can't hear it.

You’re weak. I could destroy you, make you surrender

Ironically, Eren doesn't even want food, and would be more than happy to escape wall Rose back into titan territory. Humans mostly eat plants, which are just foul, like eating dirt. They'll sometimes eat animal meat, which is close enough to human meat to be good, but it's rare and hard to find. Still, Armin and Mikasa love their plant food, so Eren tries to get it for them. Begging is the first choice, though much less effective. No, the easier way to get good is just taking it.

Eren, still too frustrated by the lady's response, decides to move onto plan B. He cocks his head and subtly scents the air. Humans can hardly smell, and Eren does try to avoid suspicion. Slowly he takes in air, rolls it across his tongue, trying to pick out the different flavors.

Wheat, probably a bakery to the west, but to the east he smells rich soil and darks leaves. A garden, less likely to be attended. Humans don’t like it when you take from them. Not that titan’s do, but they don’t really have a sense of property like humans do. If a titan wants something, and can physically take it, it’s theirs. But humans have a sense of ownership, that even if you want it and can overpower them, you still don’t take it. It’s stealing, and stealing is wrong, as Armin explained.

But Mikasa says that they need food, and Armin is too nice for his own good. She says it with a thin, pale face and eyes that seem to burn with the will to live. Eren doesn’t understand a lot of this new world, but he understands the fire burning in her eyes, the desperate need for a continuous supply of food. So Eren goes east, cutting through crowds of humans that sneer at him. It seems like even though they see him as human, they still hate him.

The garden is a twenty minute walk with the earthy smells just getting more potent. It’s a small plot hidden behind tall wooden panels. It’s tucked away in a quiet part of the town with no humans around. He has to circle around it twice before deciding on a good enough place to climb. Another quick scenting of the air confirms there are no humans in there, but who knows when the owner will be back. So he makes quick work getting in.

There’s a lot of different plants here, and he’s not sure which are human food but why else would a human be growing them if not to eat them? So he plucks up several different ones, shakes the dirt loose, and throws them over the wall before scuttling over himself. Mission success, no one sees him make a break for it. He wanders away quickly, not caring about the direction and just wants to flee the scene of the crime.

When the streets start to get busier he slows to a casual walk, the ill-gotten food slung across his shoulder. He eyes the bypassers carefully but no one looks twice at him. Good, they probably just think he got them legitimately or something.

Eren wanders a bit, keeping a nose out for either of his humans. He’s thankful when he finally catches Mikasa’s scent. Once Armin sees the stolen food, he’ll make that sad face that Eren just hates. Mikasa, however, will probably have that warm smile that makes Eren rumble peace, together, alliance. Titans don’t really have a word for friend, but his body still feels the need to channel his emotions the best he can.

“Food,” Eren smiles, lifting up his haul for Mikasa to see. She had been begging on a corner, and it seems like she was as successful with it as Eren was. Which is to say, not at all.

“This could make a good stew,” she smiles gently, inspecting the various plants. “Do you know where Armin is?” And he doesn’t, not exactly, but he could sniff him out easily enough. So Eren nods and leads them in a random direction.

“You took these, didn’t you?” Mikasa accuses him once they get to a less busy street. Eren suddenly gets a wisp of Armin and leads them in the new direction.

“Yes. Garden,” Eren admits, pointing in the direction of pillaged land.

“Armin won’t be happy. He hates to steal,” Mikasa sighs, which brings up a question Eren has been rolling around his mind since he learned about this system of begging and taking.

“How get food, not steal?” He asks and hopes his words are good enough to convey the message. Mikasa doesn’t say anything right away, but doesn’t look confused so Eren gives her a moment to find her own words.

“Work. We do things for people, and they’ll give us money. We use that money to buy food,” Mikasa says slowly, and Eren can tell she is dumbing down her vocabulary and sentence structure too. Part of him wants to rumble a warning at being belittled, but he can’t deny that it helps him to follow what she is saying.

“Why no that?” If it can get them consistent food without stealing, it seems like a better option. At least it would make Armin happier.

“No one wants to hire a bunch of kids,” Mikasa groans, frustrated, but Eren doesn’t understand enough. He can guess what the word hire means but he’s at a loss about kids.

“What kids?” 

“Us. We’re too small to work,” Mikasa explains and Eren chews it over in his head. “It’s not true, we could work. Especially you,” she gives Eren a gentle shove. “But people don’t believe it.”

So if they could convince people that they are not kids, they might be about to do work for food. But how to convince people that they could work? Depending on what exactly this work is, couldn’t they simply show them? These thoughts are still rattling around when they finally find Armin. He’s begging with all his heart, telling anyone that looks his way that they don’t need much, they just need something to eat, anything they give is enough. Mikasa pulls him back with a soft hand on his shoulder.

“Eren got us dinner,” she points a thumb towards him. His hual is wilted at this point but that apparently doesn’t affect the quality of the plant food. Armin grimaces. Eren knew it, he knew that Armin would be upset. But if he didn’t steal, they would be hungry. And at least this way they don’t go hungry.

“We can’t keep doing this,” Armin leads them down the alleyways and towards their makeshift home. It’s a derelict building, missing walls and open to the elements. But it offers some protection and privacy, so they’ve stashed their meager belongings there.

“We can’t just starve,” Mikasa’s voice is tight. They’ve had this argument many times and it looks like they’ll be having it at least one more time.

“We’re thieves. What if they needed this food. What if some other kid is going to go hungry now,” Armin is talking too fast for Eren to follow easily. But he picks out the words theives, food, hungry, and kid.

“If so, then it was them or us. Why do we deserve to starve, Armin?” Mikasa shoots back. The air is getting tense, and Eren can’t help but vainly release peace, no fight rumbles.

“We work,” Eren offers, causing both of them to look his way. Armin’s shoulders drop.

“We tried, no one wants us,” he explains.

“Because kid, too small. But we not too small, we work. Just need… Just need,” Eren grasps for the words. They just need to prove themselves. If people could see that they could work, then they would hire them. They could eat without stealing. But he doesn’t have the words and eventually settles for a frustrated grunt. Both pairs of eyes leave but at least the anger dissipates from the air.

“We can eat these tonight, then we can try to find work tomorrow,” Mikasa offers. She picks up the veggies and shuffles towards a collapsed table to cut them up. Armin seems to accept this, or at least he doesn’t continue arguing. Eren moves to a nice, sunny spot and settles down. He won’t eat tonight, can’t stomach the plants. But he doesn’t mind, the sun is enough for him.

The wind shifts and he smells it. Two humans coming their way. Eren stands, looking at the direction they are coming from. Humans don’t normally go into this alleyway, that’s why they stay here.

“What’s wrong, Eren?” Armin asks. Eren doesn’t know the word for it. Humans, but not just humans. Humans that stink of aggression, threats.

“Trouble,” Mikasa answers for him. She moves towards him and they stand together as three men stumble into their home.

“Hey brats, where did you get the food?” One starts off and already Eren knows what this is about. They must have grown the garden he pillaged. The air is tense. The humans are bigger than his humans. Both taller, and with more muscle.

“We’re sorry,” Armin mutters from behind them, but Mikasa springs up with a lie.

“We bought them.”

“Oh, I doubt that. Fucking refugees, just taking what you want, not caring who you step on,” one of the strange humans rants. He paces and Eren gets the feeling that Armin can’t talk them down.

“Need food,” Eren growls at them. He doesn’t know much about the rules of human society or what’s wrong. But they are threatening his humans, and he can’t allow this. He abstinent mindedly rumbles challenges. Mikasa, standing shoulder to shoulder with him, gives him a brief, confused look but quickly returns to the interlopers.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you kid, but I know what is about to be wrong with you,” the lead human grabs him by his shirt and hoists him forward. His fist is pulled back and this is something that Eren knows, what he understands.

Mikasa stops the attacker before the hit lands. She’s fast when she wants to be. She shoves both of them down, but Eren is fast enough to twist out of the grip. Then it’s just Mikasa and the lead human on the ground, Mikasa on top with her dull knife out.

The other human yells and charges. Now it’s Eren’s turn. He intercepts, bringing the human down with a sharp elbow to the ribs. Mikasa and the other human continue to struggle, but he knows she can handle it. So he focuses on his opponent, keeping him down and gasping in pain. Humans feel so much pain, a titan wouldn’t be bothered by a knee to the gut like he is. When the human tries to scramble up on hands and knees, he exposes his nape perfectly to Eren. Stupid, just like a lessor titan. He wastes no time in slamming a punch down to the nape.

The human falls down, head bouncing against the hard dirt. He groans and the scent shifts from angry human to blood and fear. Meat.

Oh, he hasn’t had meat in so long. Not real meat anyway. The smell of it sends drool pooling in his mouth and for a brief moment he forgets everything. He just wants to eat, and the human in front of him is so weak, smells so rich.

Mikasa hisses behind him and it drags his mind away from his titan instincts. Her fight hasn’t gone as well. She is fast and her strikes are precise, but she’s small. A kid. And thin, with frail wiry arms that just can’t produce the strength needed to subdue someone so large. So it’s no surprise that the larger human has her pinned against a wall with a much larger, sharper knife drawn.

“What a little bitch,” the human growls.

“We’ll give them back, and you can have all our money. Just let her go, please,” Armin begs to the side. He's utterly ignored. The human that Eren fought is crawling away, no longer a threat. 

Eren grabs him, the bastard human that has a knife to Mikasa. The man jostles and there’s the smell of more blood (fresh meat, eat eat eat) but it works to get his attention on Eren. The human roars with anger and swipes his knife. The knife hits and digs deep into Eren’s stomach. It stings, there’s more pain than if he had been in his large body. But it’s not bad, certainly not enough to smother any of Eren’s rage. The man’s smirk falls as Eren tosses him to the side. He continues to wave his knife but he’s losing the battle and they all know it. A few well placed kicks to the ribs and the man curls in on himself. Again, exposing his nape like an idiot. Eren goes for the ending blow but then there’s a pull on his arm.

“Eren, stop. I don’t think he wants to fight anymore,” Armin is there, talking him down. The human is stumbling up but definitely moving away from him. Right, there’s no more need to fight. He won, his humans are safe. He won't have the meat. He won't.

“Calm down dude, calm… You can keep the food, damn,” the human mutters as he stumbles away. He helps the second one up and they both stagger away from them. Despite Armin’s words, his blood is still roaring. The air is heavy with blood and fear. He’s hungry, that’s what it is. He wasn’t fighting titans, he was fighting humans. And now he wants to feast.

“That looks bad Mikasa,” Armin says. Mikasa is sitting against the wall and Armin huddles in front of her. The heavy scent of blood still has Eren on edge. But then he gets a look at Mikasa’s hand. It spills red blood out of it from a deep cut that runs along her palm. The blood flows and flows, pink and red flesh peaks out and Eren wants nothing more than to eat.

He wants to eat Mikasa. The thought fills him with disgust. Mikasa, his friend and human. The person he was just stealing food to feed, who he sleeps next to every night and fights to get those warm little smiles from. Eaten by a titan, eaten by him. The thought alone spends him retching into bushes. He wants to eat Mikasa. In another time, he would. If he was in Shiganshina to eat rather than to help, he might have.

He can’t really help it, not now that the connection has been made. He’s eaten people before, of course he has. He’s a titan and titans eat humans. He tries to think of their faces, tries to imagine if they had friends or gentle warm smiles too. He can’t remember, never looked at them that closely. They were just meat, food to be eaten. But no, that’s wrong. Humans aren’t just meat, they are more than that. Eating them is wrong. And maybe that is what Armin is talking about, with stealing being wrong. That sometimes just because you are stronger and want something, just because you can take something, doesn’t mean you should.

“Eren, it’s okay. It’s okay, they’re gone,” Armin is beside his side, trying to calm him down. Mikasa is behind him, worried eyes and hand wrapped in a rag. They don’t know that he has eaten people. That a part of him wants to eat them. He’s a monster. He needs out. He needs away from his humans, from all humans. Out of walls where he can never be tempted again.

He shoves his humans aside. The scent of blood and fear is too heavy, it clings to him but at least if he is alone he won’t have to fight the part of him that wants to devour. So he leaves, away from his humans and the scent of fresh meat.

He runs. He shoves past more humans, too many humans in the streets. So he runs away from the town, away from the humans. Even when the cobblestone roads turn to dirt, he keeps running. He can still smell them, the humans. The meat.

It's not that he has to fight himself from eating them, not anymore. In fact the thought sends self disgust rocking through himself. Another new emotion, guilt.

He hasn't eaten human in a long time, but he has before. The forest tribe, he ambushed a gathering party while they were on the forest floor. Many escaped but he still feasted. He can't remember their dying words or even their faces. But he remembers the writhing warmth in his hand and the gush of hot blood down his throat as he bit down. And that was just one meal. How many humans has he eaten? Too many for him to count, even if he could remember them individually.

The humans in the walls, he realizes, are not special from the humans he eats. They simply have walls to flourish inside of.

Eren finds himself far outside of town, down an overgrown dirt road that twisted off from the main road some miles ago. He rests against a tree and just thinks. The guilt is still boiling over, and leads to the obvious conclusion that he is a monster. He's a titan, not a human. Never was, and he just fooled them into thinking it. He's a threat to them. Several times now he's had to talk himself down from eating. He even wanted to eat Mikasa.

He needs to escape. To leave the walls, then he'll be safe from the humans, and the humans will be safe from him. He's been indulging his curiosity but it needs to end. He needs to leave Armin and Mikasa, and focus on getting out.

That brings up another issue of how. Humans leave through the gates, but only the green, flying humans ever leave. He still has the green cloak stashed away (with Armin and Mikasa, so he can't say if it'd be worth getting) but he doesn't know how to fly. He tried asking Armin about it once, and he said they are scouts, but Mikasa told him that he won't join them before he even asked what they were. But Mikasa isn't here anymore, and he needs to escape.

"Hey, kid, you look strong," a human speaks to him. He was so lost in thought he didn't even notice them approaching. It is a woman, he thinks, lugging a large basket on her back. It smells strongly of soil and plant food. Beside her a smaller human looks at him with wide eyes. He can't pin the gender of the smaller one as easily.

"Yes?" Eren eventually offers. He feels uneasy, being expected to talk to a stranger without either of his humans there to help any social mistakes he makes.

"I'll give you some money if you help carry this to the market. Five lira, what do you say?" She asks. Eren understands enough for it. He understands money and carry. This must be what Armin said, work. And with work his humans can eat without stealing. Armin wouldn't be upset and they would be safe from attacks.

"Yes," Eren nods and moves towards them. He's still not entirely clear on what to do, but luckily the woman cues him in by dropping the oversized basket in front of him. Carry, he knows that. Armin asks him to carry things like their bedrolls all the time. So he heaves up the large basket.

It's heavy, and Eren sways as he tries to adjust his center of balance. The damn thing is taller than the tiny human and probably heavier too. But he keeps it upright and the woman seems pleased enough for them to begin walking. The tiny human says nothing and holds close to the woman.

 "I'm Lydia, and this is my son Mark," she explains.

"I'm Eren," he recalls that this is normal. Humans exchange the words they call themselves when they first meet. It makes sense, considering how often they talk and deal with each other.

"Not very talkative, are you?" She chuckles softly. Talk, what they are doing right now. He doesn't understand much of what she says but he knows that word.

"No," he says, hoping he is saying no to talking more. He doesn't think he can manage the kind of conversations Mikasa or Armin can have.

"That's fine. Mark could probably stand to talk to strangers, but he's probably even less talkative," Lydia clucks. The tiny human, Mark, whines and thankfully they fall into silence. They walk for a while, enough time for the sun to move noticeably across the sky before they reach cobblestone roads again.

"Have you been to the market here? We are going to the Oberman grocer. The owner buys the veggies that I grow," Lydia begins chatting again. Eren understands a few scattered words but can't piece them together into something meaningful. He hums and nods, hoping that's enough.

He smells Armin before he can hear him, but just barely. It's only a few moments after he catches the scent that he hears a gentle Eren being carried across the wind.

He's suddenly nervous. He doesn't want to face his humans. What would he even say? But he can't flee because if he does he won't get any money. He'd give it to them, of course, but he needs to finish earning it first. He was kinda hoping he could sneak into the camp when they were out and leave the money, maybe grab the green cloak.

"Eren!" The cry is louder and to the left. This time it's Mikasa and Lydia manages to hear.

"Are you friends looking for you?" She asks. They stop and Eren doesn't know what to say or do. Does he try to explain to Lydia, say fuck it and run, or-

"Eren, there you are! We were so worried, what happened? Are you okay?" Armin is on him, hugging him before poking around his stomach. The sensation is odd and causes inexplicable laughter from him.

"I thought I saw…" Armin trails off, staring hard at Eren's stomach. Eren really isn't sure what that is about, but he needs to say something to Lydia before this work gig falls apart.

"Work," he grunts and nods towards her. Lydia seems perplexed and is gripping Mark.

"Work? You found work? Eren, that's awesome!" Armin gushes with such excitement that Eren can't help the pleased smile that makes its way into his face.

"I'm Armin, and you already met Eren. Come on, we can find Mikasa later. Where are you taking these?" Armin starts prattling, and luckily it's directed at Lydia because he's talking way too fast for Eren to follow. The group begins moving again and Eren continues to haul the basket of food.

"Good to meet you Armin, I'm Lydia. Eren here is helping me take these vegetables to Oberman's. My husband passed last autumn and it's hard for me to carry it all myself."

"I'm sorry to hear that. We all lost our families in the fall," Armin says with a pained smile.

"Oh, the fall? You mean when wall Maria fell?" Lydia seems honestly shocked.

"I'm so sorry. You kids shouldn't have had to go through that. No one should. I can't believe it happened. I always thought we were safe inside the walls. But if titans can just get in like that, well..." There's an edge of panic to her voice and she squeezes Mark tightly.

"I hear that they are planning on taking back Maria though."

"Oh honey, haven't you heard how they are planning to do it?" Lydia looks honestly pained by the reality of it. Armin shakes his head and she continues. "They are going to use refugees, 250,000 of them. A month of training. I doubt they’ll even bother to arm any of them. It's just a culling." Eren doesn't understand but whatever Lydia says causes Armin to stop in his tracks.

"They're going to send them to their deaths…" Armin's eyes are wide and full of terror. "They can't do that."

"That can't feed everyone, I suppose. Though I wish they had a better way." Lydia hums with not nearly enough sympathy. Armin begins walking again but doesn't say anything else. They are silent as they get to the grocer, and neither boy say anything as Lydia makes the exchange.

"And here's your cut," she coos as she gives Eren a few scraps of paper. He's not sure if this is the money they were talking about, but Armin doesn't seem upset so it must be.

"Thanks, ma'am,” Armin says. His eyes are still blown wide and he fingers the money in a weird, panicky sort of way. Eren isn’t sure what is the matter, what she said to upset Armin so much, but he’s on high alert.

“No trouble at all. Eren is a nice, strong boy.” She smiles and pats his shoulder. Eren doesn’t know what to make of her still, but with Armin here at least he doesn’t have to fend for himself.

“If you need more help, we could always give a hand,” Armin is quick to offer.

“For a fee, I’m sure,” Lydia hums with a wry smile.

“We just need enough to live. We won’t ask for much. You can even pay us in food.” Armin pleads. Lydia chews her lip, mulling it over.

“And how many of you are there?”

“Just the three of us. Me, Eren, and Mikasa. We don’t need much,” he restates.

“And do any of you know your letters?”

“Oh, yes! Both me and Mikasa know how to read. I’m good with arithmetic too.”

“Alright then. I have a spare room, you’ll have to share it.” Lydia finally offers with a sigh, like she isn’t sure if it’s the right decision.

“That’s fine! We sleep next to each now anyway.” Armin’s eyes are sparkling.

“And I expect you all to work.”

“We will. I can tutor your son, and Mikasa knows how to garden.”

“I can only give you whatever we have leftover for food. It might not be enough for three kids.”

“We can always come back here to find more food.”

“Alright, that’s enough. I’ve got to do some shopping. Eren, do you remember the way to my house?” Lydia asks him. Eren nods, he’s pretty sure he gets the gist of the question, and yes, he can recall where her house is. Or at least the road to it.

“Good. Go pack up your things and find your friend. I expect you all to be ready to work first thing tomorrow morning.” Lydia is already turning around and leading her boy down the market streets. Armin doesn’t even wait until they are out of sight before he pulls Eren into a tight hug.

“You got us jobs, Eren! We won’t have to steal anymore. And we get a real home again.” Armin’s excitement is contagious. He pulls Eren through the streets, calling out for Mikasa. Eren has honestly no idea what is in store. He hasn’t lived with the humans for very long, and it has always involved living on the streets, begging, and stealing. But Armin and Mikasa seem to hate the lifestyle.

“Eren, you’re okay,” Mikasa hugs him tightly as soon as they reconnect. The smell of blood is stale but still potent, which reminds Eren of what started this in the first place.

“More than okay, we got jobs, and a place to stay,” Armin buzzes with excitement, relaying all the information to Mikasa. They walk to their camp while they chatter excitedly about it. Eren tries to pull together all the words he can manage to explain that he needs to leave.

“We’ll have to share a room but I don’t care. It’ll be a real room inside a real house.” Armin gushes.

“We won’t have to spend the winter outside,” Mikasa sighs and tension seems to melt off her.

“You work. I not work,” Eren cuts in. He’s glad his humans found work. A better place to live, a way to get food. But now he doesn’t have any excuse, he needs to go.

“Eren, what are you talking about? You can’t just lounge around and expect us to do all the work,” Mikasa seems to be equal parts angry and confused. Eren shakes his head.

“I need go home. You stay. You work.” And this time they seem to understand. At least if the tense silence means anything.

"Eren, you can't leave," Mikasa says with a dangerous edge to her tone.

"Where is your home?" Armin's voice is quieter but has just as much of an edge.

"You were inside Maria when we found you. So if your home is out there, it's gone Eren." Mikasa doesn't let Eren try to answer Armin. Which is for the best because Eren's mind is drawing a blank for answers.

"Mikasa, shush. Where is your home, Eren?" Armin asks again. Mikasa scowls at being shushed but accepts it. Leaving Eren in the spotlight with no good answer. He could lie, if only he knew enough of the human world to come up with one. Instead he just bites his lips, trying to find any answer that they could accept. He kinda hopes that Mikasa will pick up her yelling again, but they both seem to be more than happy to wait for as long as it takes to get an answer. Damnit.

"My home is… outside. Outside walls." He doesn't know what else to say but that is enough to send Armin into a tizzy.

"Like… outside wall Maria? Outside-outside? There's people out there? How do they manage? Do they have walls too?" Armin is asking a million and one questions, with hardly any one of them registering. Well, at least they don't seem to suspect that he's a titan.

"How would you even get to wherever your home is? There's titans everywhere out there. You wouldn't be able to survive a day." Mikasa still looks pretty pissed. It takes Eren a minute to understand. For a horrible second he heard titan and thought it was an accusation. But no, she wouldn't be looking mad if she thought he was a titan, she'd be panicking. So she must be talking about the titans as a threat to him.

"No worry. I safe from titan," Eren tries to reassure her without giving anything away, but it's clear neither Armin nor Mikasa buy it.

"Uh huh. Okay, pretend you can escape all the titans and run all the way to wherever your home is, you still can't do it. Only scouts are allowed to leave the walls. They won't let you just leave." Mikasa glares. Eren glares back. "You can't leave. Against the law." She says in slow, simple words, just to drive the point home. Eren for the gist before. They don't let people just leave. Not unless…

"I become scout," he dives for the green cloak, one of his very few possessions.

"No! Eren, joining the scouts is just suicide. They just go out and die. And I don't care what you say, you aren't titan proof," Mikasa is back to yelling. Eren sucks in a breath, ready to yell back, but Armin tugs his arm with a weak smile.

"Lydia doesn't want us to work for her, she wants you," he pokes Eren's chest. That gets the little titan to shut up. "You're the big, strong one Eren. We're just tagalongs. If you don't come with us, she'll send us away for sure."

Is that true? She did hire Eren to carry the stuff. And she was upset that there were three of them, when she was happy enough to hire Eren alone. Eren is bigger than his humans, and certainly stronger. It makes sense. If he leaves now, his humans will go hungry. He needs to stay longer, get them money or better jobs. Then he can leave. He can make it a little bit longer, right?

"Okay, yes. I stay." Eren's wrapped in two pairs of arms as soon as he says it. Yes, he'll stay a bit longer, just until his humans are safe. After that he'll join the Scouts, leave the walls, and then he'll be safe.

Chapter Text

The room is smaller than he thought. Armin wasn’t expecting much, but this is hardly more than an oversized closest. If he and Mikasa were to sit down on opposite walls with their legs out, they could bump feet. There is a dusty old chest, which they are free to use, and a single cot small enough that Eren’s feet would stick off the end. There isn’t even a window.

“Home, sweet home,” Mikasa sighs. Eren is giving him a look like he wants Armin to explain exactly how this is better than their old house with only two walls.

“Come on guys, a room is a room. And besides, this will at least be warm in the winter.” It might not be the home he wants, with a cozy bed, bookshelves full of knowledge and stories, and a warm stew on the stove. But this is better than on the streets, begging and stealing. At least he won't wake up to bugs crawling on him anymore. Mikasa seems to accept his reasoning but Eren huffs and drops down the rumpsack with everything they own. 

Eren. His past used to be a fun puzzle to distract them from reality. But something is wrong with him. Really wrong. When Eren first said that he was outside the walls, Armin pictured a lost civilization. But the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks it's something weirder. And the thought is crazy even to him, but he keeps coming back to the idea of Eren not being, well, human. Not knowing the language is one thing. And it's not normal how he sleeps. Given a few hours after sunset, he simply cannot be roused. No amount of talking, pushing, or shoving will even stir him. And when he's awake, he has this weird sixth sense of where things are. Like he can track down either Armin or Mikasa, or food or anything really, like he knows exactly where they are even from a mile away.

Then there's the really weird stuff. He doesn't eat. On the rare occasion they get meat, he'll happily eat it. But he goes weeks without food, and doesn't even seem to mind. They kinda just assumed he was sneaking off to eat, but why and how? Heck, he purrs. 

And Armin could have sworn he saw that knife go into Eren. The hilt was pressed snug against his shirt and there was blood. He saw the blood. He saw it steam. But then when he found Eren again there was no hole in his stomach, not even a scratch. There was no blood on his clothes, and even the blood on the knife seemed to vanish. The only thing left was a slit in Eren's shirt. And it would be easy to write it off, the shirt has plenty of holes already. Maybe he was just imagining things. Because certainly Eren couldn't make a hole in his stomach go away, make the blood vanish. Just like he couldn't go without eating for weeks. They decide it's impossible and find an excuse as to why their eyes are lying to them.

But maybe their eyes are telling the truth, and their brains are doing the lying.

Eren and Mikasa are trying to figure out how to arrange their bedrolls. But that's a hopeless endeavor because there's no way they're going to be comfortable in this tiny room. They might as well get used to sleeping together. Which Armin wouldn't normally complain about, because Eren is so hot he can keep them warm even with a threadbare blanket. But now Armin is really asking himself why Eren is so hot. The fever excuse ran out over a month ago at this point, and they never bothered to come up with a new one.

"Hey Eren, can you tell us more about your home?" Armin asks softly. It pulls both Eren and Mikasa out of their struggle for sleeping arrangements. They hadn't broached the topic of Eren's past yet, but his language is good enough now. Good enough for Eren to understand and his face to darken.

"My home not interesting. Boring." Eren goes back to fluffing the wad of rags that is his pillow. Mikasa looks carefully between the two boys and Armin can just feel that she's not happy about this topic.

"You said you're from outside the walls. We really don't know anything about what's out there. We didn't even think there's people out there." Armin presses, and honestly it's the truth. He would love to know anything about the outside world. "Even if you think it's boring, I want to know."

Eren scowls but says nothing. His pillow fluffing turns into pillow punching before he just gives up and leaves the whole thing alone.

"Eren, why don't you eat food?" Armin needs to know. Eren isn't a fun little mystery to distract them anymore. Armin gets the feeling whatever it is with Eren, it's big.

"I eat." He says it with a pinched face, like he's sucking a lemon.

"You'll eat meat. But we haven't had any meat in over two weeks. Have you really not eaten since then? Don't you get hungry?" He would be starving. Literally starving, wasting away muscle mass and struggling to walk. But Eren never seemed to mind going hungry. 

"I get hungry," Eren corrects him with a whisper. Armin hits something, he can tell. Suddenly Eren is wide eyed and looking guilty. Maybe he does sneak food in?

"Why don't you eat with us then?"

"You eat plant. Plant not food," Eren explains. Armin thinks back to the one time Eren ate anything but meat. The bread that Mikasa pilfered. He threw it up minutes later, like his body just couldn't process it.

"So, you sneak away to eat meat? Because you can't eat plants?" But where would he get the meat? There's just not that many meat vendors, and if Eren was really raiding them daily, they'd be guarding it. No, it's impossible that he's eating meat that often.

"No, I just be hungry," Eren explains with wide eyes, like he's being accused of something horrible. Which sends Armin back to the idea that Eren just doesn't eat very often. And he's really not sure which is crazier, Eren just not eating for weeks at a time, or being able to steal that much meat.

"Do you really not eat for weeks at a time? Don't you get tired? Weak?" Armin asks and Eren cocks his head in confusion. Like he honestly doesn't understand that you need food to have energy. Probably because he doesn't. Eren grunts and looks away. Does he know that he's showing too much ignorance? That any human being would understand what hunger does to a person, and if he doesn't know that when he must not be human.

"We need to eat every day, Eren. We need to eat any kind of food we can, because if we don't we starve. It gets hard to move and our muscles get small. If we don't eat for weeks, we die." Armin explains. Eren looks at him with shock and horror because he really didn't know. He thought they were just eating to eat, not eating to live.

"Do you know why you don't need to eat?" Eren licks his lips, expression still dark. Maybe a different line of questioning would get him talking again. Maybe his diet from before they met, to steer it back to the outside world. "Why can you eat meat but not plants? What kind of meat would you normally eat?" 

That's the wrong question. Eren explodes. He's up and on his feet, snarl on his face and cheeks red.

"No more talk! No more questions! I no eat meat, no more. I stop. I-" and with shuddering sob, Eren throws himself out of the room.

"Eren, wait," Mikasa flies after him but Armin stays behind. He needs to process this all. Eren said that he doesn't eat. That he didn't know that humans need to eat. And by extension, he admitted that he's not human. Or not really, not like them anyway. He looks like a human, and more or less acts like one. He's just got quirks. Maybe he's a different sub species or something? Maybe there's more than just titans out there. Maybe there's other humanoid creatures. And that thought stirs up old fantasy books about dwarves and elves, things that couldn't possibly be true. But Eren doesn't eat, and how can that be true?

But if this is true, if they really have some non human person from outside the walls living with them, they have to tell someone, right? What if he has information that could fight back the titans, or technology to expand their walls? But if he did that, what would happen to Eren? He might not be like them, but he's still their friend. He doesn't want anyone to hurt Eren. Would the state hurt him though, or would he be a hero?

Armin thinks and thinks and overthinks. He's driving himself mad and not getting any answers for it. Eventually he leaves the room and walks through the comfortable house. Their room might suck, but the rest of the house is soft and cozy. It eases his heart to just be in it.

"Oh, there you are Armin. I want you to start on your lessons with Mark," Lydia is the first to find him. He was hoping to get to Mikasa, talk to her about Eren. But they still need to feed themselves, and that means working.

"Oh, of course. Do you want me to just work on his letters, or do you want me to teach him arithmetic too?" Armin asks, shifting his mind back to the here and now. Mark is frowning at him, as though it's Armin's fault that he is going to lose his morning to schooling.

"Oh, teach him all of it. I want Mark to have every opportunity when he grows up," Lydia lovingly hugs her son. Armin nods and they get set up on the dining room table with pencils and papers. Lydia hovers in the corner at first, but Armin learns to ignore her fast enough. She probably just wants to make sure he really does know his letters and numbers.

Mark is quiet and clearly unhappy about being made to learn the alphabet. His grouchy attitude is tough to work with. Armin might know his letters, but he doesn't know kids.

"Come on Mark, you can't learn if you don't try," Armin tries to coax the kid into copying the letters. He wonders if he could get Lydia to spare Eren for the lessons. He does intend to teach Eren to read and write, and he might as well do it along with Mark.

He does feel bad about the morning too. Part of Armin wonders if he shouldn't be pressing like this. Eren was clearly upset, but Armin really can't understand why exactly. He assumes that it's ultimately because Eren wants to keep his secrets, but he really seemed to fixate on eating meat. It's not like Armin begrudges him that, especially if he can only eat meat. Heck, the worst Armin would do is ask him to share. But Eren seemed to think that his meat eating is a problem.

Eventually Mark gives in and starts copying the letters. They go over the sounds and Armin drills him on which letter makes which sound. Thankfully Mark loosens up and starts to put in some effort.

It's noon by the time Lydia comes back. She carries in two sandwiches, one child sized, with a bright smile.

"Looks like my big boy is learning fast," she coos at her son and hands him the small sandwich. He's not learning fast, he's hardly even trying, but Armin doesn't need to say that. Instead he waits patiently to get his, but it's a struggle. He hasn't eaten since yesterday, when they cooked the stolen veggies into a simple stew.

"Yes, mommy," Mark takes large bites out of his sandwich. Armin licks his lips. There even seems to be some chicken in it. Maybe he could save the slice of meat for Eren as an apology.

"I'm glad, it's too far into town to send him every day. And there's just not enough hours in the day to teach him everything. I'm glad I found someone to teach him." Lydia gushes. Armin smiles and nods, never taking his eyes off that sandwich.

"My pleasure, ma'am." Armin's heart breaks as Lydia picks up the other sandwich and digs in herself. Mother and son eat happily at the table while Armin just watches on, empty stomach churning painfully.

"Uh, ma'am? Do you have anything I could eat?" Armin asks, trying to kindle hope. It's one thing to be hungry. It's another thing to watch people eat while hungry. But Lydia's cheeriness flies out the window instantly with the question.

"I'll see what I can spare tonight." She says curtly and Armin tries not to seem too disappointed. "I told you, I can't feed all three of you." She adds, frustrated by the mere idea. And she did say that, but Armin still can't fight off the wave of despair. "I think that Mark had enough lessons today. Why don't you go help Mikasa with the laundry?" Lydia's sour expression is enough to make Armin leave with a quiet yes ma'am.

He finds Mikasa hanging laundry outside. A few meters away Eren is mumbling angrily as he digs a hole. For a moment he thinks the morning's fight is forgotten. Until Mikasa shoots him a foul stink eye anyway. Not knowing what else to do, he moves beside her and helps her hang cleaned laundry. He's not ready to face Eren's anger. Or to do hard labor, honestly.

"Is he mad?" Armin asks with his voice quiet enough that he hopes Eren can't hear. The strange boy doesn't seem to pay them any mind at least.

"He's afraid," Mikasa says with venom, and a glare for good measure.

"He's not…" Armin starts, but he can't finish the sentence, the idea is still too crazy for him.

"He's weird, I know. But he's also our friend." Well, Armin was going to say human but he chickened out of saying it.

"If he's really from outside the walls, that's big. I don't think we can just sit on something like that."

"And what? Hand him over to the government?" Mikasa stops her work and almost growls. Never before had Armin legitimately worried about getting in a fight with Mikasa, but he was suddenly very afraid of the notion. "What would they do to him? Keep him locked up, interrogated?" Armin slumps. She's right, if they hand him over, it'll probably be bad for him.

"He's our friend. He helps us so much. He does whatever he needs to to get us fed. He's always trying to keep us happy and safe. I won't let you just throw him away like that." Mikasa's voice lost the anger but none of the determination. Armin thinks that she knows he wouldn't really betray Eren like that. But if anyone did try to take him, she'd defend him tooth and nail.

"You're right. I wouldn't. But I want to know what he knows. Whatever it is, it's big. Big enough to save humanity even."

"Maybe. And maybe he'll tell us in time. But until then, let him have his secrets, okay?" Mikasa sighs as she hangs the last of the clothes. "He wanted to leave us yesterday. We barely talked him into staying. Let's not do anything to drive him away." It wasn't open to discussion. As soon as Mikasa finished saying it, she left for the house. Armin thought about following, but he really did need to patch things over with Eren.

Eren is still shoveling away. The ground here is hard and he's having to stab the shovel to get large rocks loose. He's still glaring intently at the rocks and Armin hopes it's the job he's angry at.

"I'm sorry, about this morning." Armin starts. Eren doesn't respond, doesn't acknowledge him. Armin sighs. He knew this wasn't going to be easy.

"When I was a kid, my grandpa had a book. The book was forbidden, because it talked about outside the walls." Eren stops shoveling and twists his head to look at Armin out of the corner of his eye. "It talked about bodies of water that went further than the eye could see." Eren's eyes twinkle with understanding. Has he seen the ocean?

"They call it the ocean, and it's suppose to be salty. There were other things too. Mountains that spit fire and entire planes of sand that move with the wind." Eren's attention is now fully on him.

"I loved that book, reading about it and imagining what is out there. I want to see it, all those sights that you could hardly imagine." Armin takes a breath and steels himself for this next part.

"You aren't like us, Eren, I know that." Eren instantly tenses. "But that's not bad. You're like one of those wonders I read about, but somehow you came to us. And I just wanted to learn about you. I was curious and excited. And I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me anything, and we aren't going to think differently about you." Armin finishes. Eren is staring at him with a furrowed brow and Armin really hopes that he at least got the basics of what he was saying. Armin is just considering if he needs to repeat his speech in simpler words when Eren pulls him into a tight hug.

He's warm and even purring, and the ludicrous nature of it all has Armin giggling.

"Do you want to learn to read and write? I can teach you." Armin offers, thankful that the tense part of the conversation is over with. Eren pulls away and gives him a thoughtful look. "I'm not going to make you if you don't want to, but it's very useful."

"I want. I want to read," Eren nods with the same level of conviction he somehow always carries around. "You teach me many thing. I could teach you some things too." And Armin can see the gears turning behind those teal eyes. "And you no tell my secret, if I tell you?" Eren is tense and the implication takes Armin's breath away.

"I promise I won't tell anyone." And Eren seems to accept that.

"Tell Mikasa okay. No one else." Armin nods eagerly. Eren looks around and even sucks in a deep breath through his nose before leaning in. "I see ocean before. Is real." And Armin is practically squealing.

"And it's salty?" Eren's eyes are far away and Armin can only guess what the memories are like.

"Yes, salty. Very salty. Everything it touch, salty. And animals."

"Animals?" Armin doesn't remember the book saying anything about ocean animals. "There's fish in it?" Eren nods eagerly.

"Big. Titan fish," he throws his arms wide. Giant fish?

"Are they bigger than a person?" Because that thought is horrifying. The idea of titan fish swimming around suddenly makes the ocean less appealing. And to Armin's horror, Eren gives him a look like he just asked something hopelessly stupid. He spends a moment thinking before he paces over towards the house. Before he gets there he draws a deep line in the ground with his shoe. Then he walks away. And keeps walking for 15 meters before he draws another line.

"This big," he says with a point. Armin's blood runs cold. That's huge. That'd be big even for a titan. Can fish that size really exist? Eren goes back to digging, which is for the best because Lydia doesn't seem like the kind of woman to accept slacking.

"Do they eat people?" Armin eventually asks, suddenly very, very put off from the ocean. Eren shrugs.

"No know. Human not normally go in water." But wait, that means-

"There are other humans outside the wall?" Eren gives him another no duh look. Armin bites his lip, trying to swallow his curiosity but before he can his lips are already moving. "And these humans, are they like you, or like me?" Is Eren some kind of anomaly, or are all the humans outside the walls like him? Eren freezes and gives him a hard look. It was a stupid thing to ask. He should take it back.

"Like you," he says and continues digging. He doesn't sound too upset but Armin is still feeling guilty. A memory springs up and now is a good time to make amends he thinks.

"It's okay for you to eat meat," Eren freezes and this time the tension doesn't escape. His knuckles are white around the shovel handle and Armin doesn't even think he's breathing. "You get us a lot of vegetables and bread to eat, and you don't get any of it. So it's okay if you eat any meat that we get. It's fair, I think. I bet Mikasa would agree too." But Eren doesn't relax, not even an inch. "It's okay, I don't know why you're upset, but whatever it is, it's okay."

"No. Not okay. Never okay," and Eren picks up digging again. This time he is oozing rage and is stabbing at the dirt like it's behind all of their struggles. Armin has no idea what this is but he seems to just be making things worse.

"Okay Eren. I'm going inside now. Please don't beat yourself up though." Eren grunts and Armin takes that as the end of the conversation so he returns inside to find Mikasa doing the dishes and Lydia sewing up a dress.

"I was wondering when you'd stop chatting and get back to work," Lydia hums with thinly veiled frustration.

"Sorry ma'am." Armin fights back a groan. He had a feeling Lydia wouldn't appreciate dawdling.

"Well, now that you're here, you can go ahead and sweep out the place. It's so dusty. Oh, and Mikasa? Maybe you could get a fire going for dinner."

-

They work all through the day, doing various chores. Once the sun gets low in the sky Lydia starts on dinner. It fills the house with a hardy smell that spends their starving bodies into a frenzy. But they don't eat together. Instead Lydia tells the three of them to wash up. She gives Eren a particularly firm stare when she says it, which is fair because he's covered in dirt and grime. Honestly, if Lydia didn't insist Eren take a bath, Armin probably would. And by the time they are all washed and clean, the pot of stew is mostly empty.

"You kids can have the leftovers. No need to work anymore today, you can relax until bedtime." Lydia smiles her fake, sweet smile before wandering to the living room. Mikasa and Armin swirl the dregs of the stew around in the pot. There's probably enough for a bowl and a half. Or two smaller bowls. Even Eren is glaring at the pot.

"At least Eren doesn't need to eat," Mikasa grumbles as she gets two bowls. And that's the only saving grace they have. Eren, the one doing hard labor and should be eating a pile of food after today, isn't eating anything. Otherwise all three of them would end up starving to death. And Lydia has no way of knowing that Eren doesn't eat, so is she trying to literally work them to death?

The soup is warm and rich, and is honestly the best meal they've had since the fall. Lydia's garden gives her a good choice of herbs and veggies. Which makes the paltry amount even more insulting. They leave the kitchen hungry and agitated. Eren is starting to nod off so they get a candle lit and go to their pitiful room. Armin was going to offer the single cot to Eren, since he's the one doing hard labor. But the boy plops down on his bedroll and doesn't seem keen on getting up again. Mikasa takes the other bedroll and Armin doesn't have the energy to fight so he takes the cot. Maybe they can trade off tomorrow.

The room is silent and tense. Armin is trying to convince himself that this is better than on the streets, and it really is, but he can't make himself accept it.

"There trees too," Eren eventually starts. He's tired and his voice is heavy with the need to sleep. But his words manage to suck the bitterness from the room. "Taller than titan. Humans live there. In tall trees, away from titan." Armin pictures it, and suddenly he's not in this dingy room, trying to decide if he can actually live in such squalor. He's thinking about lumbering trees with humans in the canopy.

"Do they have cities? Buildings, like this house?" Armin tries to picture it, a city like Shiganshina or Trost hanging in a tree.

"Yes. Not stone, wood. And bridges." Eren's hand traces invisible paths along a world only he has seen. An entire city in the trees. Armin's heartbreak about the ocean is instantly healed. He wants to see the hanging city. But Eren yawns and Armin knows he can't get much more out of him tonight. Maybe tomorrow he can hear more. And he'll see if Eren can start learning his letters too.

Armin spends all night dreaming of the hanging city and tries to imagine what other wonders are out there. He's forgotten all about the bleak reality that faces them tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Mikasa tugs at the full laundry basket. It rises slightly before it falls back down. She’s putting on a show, making it seem heavier than it really is. Eren watches with fake concern, trying to help the ploy. Lydia buys it with a frustrated groan.

“Why don’t you have Eren help you carry it to the river?” She grumbles. Armin is teaching Mark his letters in the other room and Lydia probably has something else she wants Eren to be doing. But today is laundry day, and that means Mikasa needs to haul the dirty laundry to the river. The perfect opportunity, if they could both go.

“Sure thing,” Eren grins and heaves the basket up. It's heavy but not too bad. Mikasa could certainly carry it without too much trouble. Not that Lydia knows that. They are practically out the door when Lydia calls out.

“Just be fast with it. I need Eren to finish chopping that firewood.” Blah blah blah. She’s constantly putting Eren to work, like she loathes the thought of them being idle for even a minute. And he checked with Armin, work is suppose to pay enough to at least keep people fed. While Lydia doesn’t even give enough to feed his two humans, let along enough if he needed to eat too. He knows better than to talk back to her with human words, but he isn’t above rumbling out some shit talk in titan speak.

“You’re purring again,” Mikasa accuses, though her voice is lighthearted and a smile is tugging on her lips. They are already through the door and out of earshot. Eren huffs and stops his rumbles. Apparently humans can hear titan words, but only when they are touching him. And they are brushing their shoulders, so she must have picked it up that way. Even though they can feel them, they don’t seem to understand what he is saying. Eren didn’t know any human words, so it makes sense they don’t know any titan words. Eren is even half tempted to try to teach them. But he feels like that would be getting them too close to the truth, and what good would it do anyway?

“I don’t purr.”

“Mm. Whatever you say,” Mikasa teases. Eren feels like explaining that he doesn’t purr, he’s not a cat, and he is offended they could even make that connection. But they are getting into the woods proper, and they have a job to do. So he eats his anger and quiets his steps. He takes slow, long inhales, looking for scents buried in the smell of trees and dirt.

It only takes another few minutes of walking before he picks something up. A trickling scent of bird, musty yet light. He looks to Mikasa, who is already watching him intently. He carefully puts the basket down and creeps in the direction of the bird. Mikasa tails him, quiet and ready. She already has her knife at the ready. The bigger, sharper one those thugs used to cut her. He's glad that she kept it for herself. Bastard humans.

When he can see the bush it is roosting in, he stops and nods towards it. Mikasa understands, he doesn’t need to instruct or bicker with her like with Armin. They split directions, she hangs low and stills a little ways behind the bush. Eren moves to the opposite side, gives her a final nod, then charges. He comes in high, forcing the bird to stay low and dart across the forest floor. Mikasa is fast, her reflexes are sharp. Much sharper than his, which is why she always takes this job. She snaps the grouse out of the air. It cries and flails for a moment, but goes limp with a single crunch. 

With food in hand, the tension of the hunt leaves them. Mikasa works quickly, plucking the feathers. “We can sell these,” she sets aside the long tail feathers. “But it’s going to take a while to dress this.” She bites her lip. Eren groans, already seeing where this is going. Lydia expects them back soon, and she can’t find out that they are hunting. The one time she got found out, she insisted on cooking it herself and them 'having a nice meal together'. Of course ‘together’ meant her and her son got first dibs and his humans got the scraps.

“Fine, I’ll go do the laundry,” Eren hauls up the baskets and trudges away.

“Thanks Eren!” Mikasa calls after him. Whatever. He's not happy about doing laundry, but this is how his humans will eat. So he takes the dirty clothes to the river. It’s wide, wider than his big form is tall. There’s a dock that leads into the deeper part of the river. He pulls out a random sheet and wets it before working soap into it. He runs the soapy clothe against the washing board before returning it to the river.

It runs fast and washes the grime and soap from the clothes. And it’s useful, he knows it is. But he hates it. Water is just wrong. His titan brain tells him to walk away, to get away from it. Dangerous. But it’s okay, as long as he doesn’t go in the river. If he doesn’t go in, the water can’t choke him. He can dip the clothes in, scrub them with soap and wash them. He’s okay, just don’t go in the water.

The water is cold but he’s hot enough to stave off any chill. Still, everything is getting colder. The leaves have started to turn and even fall. The cold doesn’t mean much for titans. They are too big and hot to feel much affect. But humans are small and delicate. They get cold so easily, and Eren has a really strong hunch that if they get too cold, they die. Mostly just because humans in general are so damn death prone. Don’t eat? Die. Too cold? Die. Lose a limb? Die.

There’s something awe inspiring about it all though. Any individual human can be killed so easily. And yet they work together to be so much stronger than any titan. They care for each other, helping people just because they need help. They prattle on about nothing all day, just sharing thoughts and feelings. They look at the world and see what they can use and create, how they can work together to build something great. As death prone as they are, there's something grand about them.

Mikasa’s scent, thick with animal blood, approaches. It knocks him out of his reflection. He stands, eager to get away from the water. Mikasa only visually appears when he is 2 meters off the dock. She seems confused, but he’s stopped trying to hide his ability to track them. They already figured out that he’s not exactly human, so what's the point in hiding? As long as they don’t figure out what he is, there's no harm in them knowing what he isn't.

“Get this to Armin,” she hands off the dressed grouse. It's a decent size and will go far in supplementing his human's meals. So long as they can keep it hidden from Lydia anyway. But Armin is just as aware as Mikasa, and knows to find an excuse to wait outside the house without ever needing to be told. Turns out humans can work together without bickering when there's food in the line. Eren hands off the bird as subtly as can be done with a half kilogram raw meat. Armin says nothing but smiles eagerly and whisks it away. Eren doesn't wait, going back into the house for new orders

Lydia is doing the dishes with a pinched face. "Finally. I thought you two would be dilly-dallying all day. Honestly, what do I even pay you for?" You know it's bad when she drops with the sweet facade.

"You don't pay us. You feed us scraps, and hardly enough to live off of." Less, actually. But Eren has enough restraint to not let on that they sneak in extra food.

"I feed you and house you, and I all ask if for you to do some chores in return. Honestly, how did your of parents raise you?” Lydia turns. Eren squares his shoulders. Gone are the days where he lacked the vocabulary to argue back. He doesn’t even know what he is going to say (probably about how Mark never does any chores), and they never find out because Armin is there in a flash, defusing the situation.

“Eren, what’re doing? Lydia, I’m sorry, you know how he is,” Armin is pulling Eren’s arm, trying to coax him out of the room. Lydia glares but is supplicated enough by Armin.

“At least one of you knows manners. Honestly, why did I even take you in?” Lydia returns to the dishes. Eren would want to point out that he doubled her garden size, built a new outhouse, and even added a basement, all for just sacrificing an oversized closet and food scraps. But Armin is giving him wide, pleading eyes and he settles for more threatening rumbles rather than words. At least he can get some aggression out that way.

“Sorry ma’am,” Armin doesn’t wait for a new task. Instead they both leave the house. Which is probably smart because Eren feels like he’s ready to explode. But they walk a little ways into the forest, and the cool air does a lot to sooth his temper.

“Eren, you can’t go off like that.”

“She had it coming.”

“I’m not saying she doesn’t. But we have it good here.” Eren snorts. Good. Armin is rubbing his arms, his thin clothes not providing nearly enough protection from the autumn air. Yeah, really good. “Okay, maybe not good. But better than living on the streets. Especially with winter coming.” Okay, having a warm house to fight the cold with does help a lot. And between the scraps, hunting, and foraging that have a more or less stable supply of food. It's livable, but only just.

“I hate her.” Eren almost regrets learning human words better, because now he knows just how insufferable she is.

“I know. Just… tolerate her, okay?” And Eren knows he has to, knows what is at steak. It’s just hard to remember in the heat of the moment. Armin dives a hand into a pocket and pulls out a folded up piece of paper. “Hey, we can practice a bit, until Mikasa gets back.” He hands him the paper. It’s packed with text and too many long words. Eren groans. He’s gotten pretty good with reading. He knows all the letters and their sounds, and can pretty easily recognize most smaller words. But now he’s having to sound out longer words and it’s just tedious. But Armin insists that practice makes perfect.

“The Scouts are in need of new…Re-see-uts?”

“Recruits.” Armin traces the word out, sounding out each individual letter. What a stupid spelling. The letter c really should just make one sound, and whoever decided to give it two sounds needs to be hit.

"Fi… uh, help me out here," because Eren has no idea for to say the next cluster of letters.

"Fight. It's just the t sound." Eren groans. If it's just the t sound then why is there a gh there too? Eren continues to struggle through the flyer, Armin correcting him as need be. It was probably just a random flyer, picked because no one would miss it and it was a good reading level. But somehow Eren doubts it. And the gleam in Armin’s eyes says otherwise.

"Do you still want to join?” Armin asks after he finishes the flyer. And it takes Eren a moment to think about it.

“Yeah,” he needs to get home. As great as his time in the walls has been, he doesn’t belong. And he can't shake the fear of what would happen if he's discovered. He's not even sure how Armin and Mikasa would react. And judging by how the humans took him down when he was trying to help Shiganshina, the military probably wouldn't accept him existing in the walls either. So he really doesn't have a choice. He needs to leave. Because sooner or later, he's going to be found out if he stays.

"So you can go home?" Armin's voice is sad. Eren feels a pang as well. He'll miss his humans terribly, and they'll probably miss him.

"Yeah."

"Can we come with?" Armin meekly suggests. And Eren thinks about it for a moment, because there is a charm to the idea. They could travel together and Eren could show Armin and Mikasa the world. They could see the ocean and hanging city. His humans could meet the other societies and learn their ways. Except for the fact that titans would be on them within a day.

“It’d be too dangerous.”

“You said the titans don’t attack you. Can’t we do whatever it is that protects you?” Armin’s eyes are wide and hopeful. He probably wants to explore the world as much as he wants to stick with Eren And it’s a beautiful thought, but he can’t hide his humans. He managed to smuggle that human he found in the forest back to the walls, but that was just a few hours. He couldn’t possibly hope to hide two humans indefinitely. And maybe he could fight off the stray lessor titan, but what if a hoard finds them? Or another greater titan? It is just too dangerous.

“No. It doesn’t work like that.” Eren presses his lips together and looks at the trees around them. Anywhere that isn’t Armin, really. He can’t give much more detail on that topic, because it’s not something that he does that keeps titans from attacking him. It’s what he is, or rather, isn’t. Titans really only care about humans, and he’s not one. Armin and Mikasa though? They are grade A titan food.

“Maybe if you tell me how you avoid them, I can-”

“No. Drop it.” Eren tries to keep his anger down. It’s just fueled by fear, with no real heat behind it. But he can’t give in to Armin’s curiosity. Not on this.

“Okay,” he eventually concedes, thankfully. “But I still think we should all enlist together.” That thought doesn’t sit well with Eren. Assuming that he leaves shortly after joining the Scouts, he won’t be able to properly protect his humans. And he knows how many Scouts die. There’s only so much he can do from the sidelines. He sucks in a breath, ready to tell Armin as much. Explain in full, painful detail about how that is a bad idea. But Armin raises his hands before the first syllable can be formed. 

“Hear me out. This flyer outlines the process and requirements.” He points to some smaller text towards the bottom. “They train you for three years before you even get the option to join the Scouts. After the three years, you can join the Scouts and go on your first expedition within the month. Or you can join one of the other two branches, which rarely ever see any titans. Three years is a long time, Eren. It might be hard for you to avoid suspicion for that long. You'll have to train, eat, and sleep next to a dozen other people. What are they going to think when you don't eat? Or when you pass out at sunset?" Damnit, he has a point. Three years with a bunch of humans is going to be rough.

"And we don't have to join the scouts in the end. We can join the wall garrison, or even the military police if we do good enough. We'll have a real job that will actually pay and feed us. And we can make sure you get out safely." And they don't want to split up, not until they have to. But that part can go unsaid.

Honestly? It sounds like a good plan. Eren can't object to it. He'll need the help if it's three full years of training. And so long as his humans don't join the scouts, they will be safe enough. Better, even, if they can have a stable, good job. It'd be the happy ending they all need.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea, Armin." Eren is smiling and knocking Armin on his arm. Armin breaths a visible sigh of relief.

"You think so? I haven't brought it up to Mikasa yet. I don't think she likes the idea of you joining the scouts still." And yeah, she never accepted the idea of Eren being titan proof.

"I'm still joining, she can't stop me." Though he would hope he won't be fighting her on this until he leaves.

"I know. But I wish you would stay too." Armin's brand of melancholy is so much harder to deal with than Mikasa's quiet rage. He has plenty of rage of his own to spit back. But he can't counter Armin's moping.

"I have to."

"If you tell me why then maybe-"

"No. No questions. Like it or not, I'm going to have to leave." And Armin accepts this, for now anyway, if the slump of his shoulders mean anything.

"Fine. But if we enlist together, we'll need to wait a while. Minimum age is 15," he points to the list of requirements on the flyer.

"And how old are you now?" Armin frowns at his question and Eren is tempted to point out he didn't even know humans had juvenile forms until a couple months ago. But he likes to think that Armin doesn't know about that.

"We're 11," and Eren starts counting off on his fingers, because he's just started learning his numbers, and 11 is one of the weirdly named ones. "It's four years. Eleven is ten plus one. How old are you?" Eren is still reeling from following the math that he nearly misses the personal question. That's not that bad of a question, he thinks.

"I don't know. We don't count the years like you do." He feels like he's more than 11, but he can't really say by how much. He can just see all the questions swimming in Armin's head, but thankfully the boy knows to keep them to himself.

"Let's talk to Mikasa about it after work, okay?" And Eren agrees before they split ways again. Lydia has Eren chop firewood. He's been chopping firewood for days now. The lean-to is practically full of It. Seriously, how much of a stockpile does she need? Mikasa and Armin chat with him briefly as they go about their work. 

Armin gripes about his tutoring. Mark is being difficult, as usual. He's just starting to learn words that Eren was learning in the heat of summer. Armin says that it's nothing to brag about, Mark is a little kid and little kids don't learn as fast. Eren wants to know what's the point of being a kid. When titans hatch they are self sufficient and as smart as they'll ever be. Give them a few meals and they are full sized too. So why do humans need to be dumb and weak for years? But he doesn't ask Armin because his ignorance would say too much.

Mikasa's cold from doing laundry in the river but Lydia doesn't give her enough time to warm up inside. Instead she's made to hang the laundry up to dry. Her hands are clumsy with the cold, and Mikasa is never anything but graceful. Eren needs to stop himself from starting another fight with Lydia over it. Mikasa finishes her work and gets to go inside soon enough at least. It's not until the scent of human food radiates from the house does his work day finally end. He ends up chopping more wood than can fit in the lean-to but he doesn't care enough to do anything but dump the excess in an ungainly pile next to it.

"Eren, come on inside and wash up. You've done enough for today," Lydia finally calls him off firewood duty. He trudges towards the house and knocks the loose mud from his shoes before entering. Not for Lydia's sake, but Mikasa just swept the place yesterday.

Mikasa is by the fireplace, hair wet from her own shower. Armin is in the kitchen, probably helping with dinner. Mikasa gives him one look before crinkling her nose.

"You should get cleaned," she frowns. Eren is almost tempted to give her a hug, just do share the dirt and mess with her. But she just washed up, and that would be cruel.

"Yeah, yeah. Going." He makes his way into the bathroom. It's a simple room with a stone floor and drain. A cauldron of water, warmed by a fire that no doubt Armin or Mikasa stoked, a bucket, and some soap is all it offers. Eren strips down and uses the bucket to label water over his body. It comes off him brown and he keeps going until it's clear. Then he lathers up and cleans himself some more.

It's one of the many things he never thought about in his big body, but the dirt and filth bothers his little body. Feeling clean is truly an amazing experience that he missed for too long. He leaves enough water for Armin, and hates having to crawl back into his dirty clothes. But he only has the one outfit.

Armin is next up to bathe. Eren and Mikasa loiter in the living room while Lydia and Mark eat their dinner. It's a mashup of potatoes, carrots, and peas. No meat, which Eren internally gloats about. His humans at least will be having meat tonight.

When all three of them are washed up and Lydia is finishing her meal, she calls them to her. Which is weird, because she'll usually just tell them dinner time and leave.

"You kids have been a great help these past few months. I was skeptical at first, but you really proved yourself." She smiles and it almost seems genuine. The three of them exchange some looks, trying to decide what is coming next. "Really, I don't think I could have managed without you three." Armin and Mikasa seem to be cautiously optimistic. Perhaps she will give them a present? Mikasa says that humans exchange gifts in the cold months.

"So, if you want you can come back in the spring and I can hire you back." Lydia smiles wide and sweet, yet the room seems to suddenly be freezing.

"In the spring? What about winter?" Armin asks.

"I can't grow anything in the winter. How am I suppose to keep feeding you kids?"

"We'll freeze," Mikasa's voice is tense.

"Oh come on now, don't be so dramatic. You're resourceful kids, you'll figure something out. Now, why don't you have supper. Tomorrow I'd like for you all to move out." She leaves. Probably doesn't want to argue with them. Not that any of them have the words to do so. They're all shell shocked. This was suppose to be a warm place for winter. That's what they said. Over and over again, when the days were long and brutal, that's what they said. Hey, at least we won't freeze in the winter.

All that's left is half a potato. Her pantry is getting thin, and she probably intentionally left that behind for them. But it's still not nearly enough for even two kids, much less two kids and Eren. But they still have the grouse along with some wild berries and leaves Armin found. It makes for a filling, if not quiet meal.

"Have some," Mikasa cuts a thick slice of meat off the roasted bird. She skewers it on a fork and hands it off to Eren.

"You guys need it more," Eren denies it but Mikasa insists.

"I don't think we can stomach it all. It'll go to waste," she explains. Armin doesn't object, doesn't even seem to be paying attention. So Eren goes ahead and takes a bite. It's food, but only just. It doesn't send him vomiting in the bushes, but poultry is hardly worth eating. However humans hate to waste food, and they certainly aren't going to give the leftovers to Lydia or her brat of a kid.

"What are we going to do?" Armin finally asks the question hanging over them.

"We'll find something out." Mikasa doesn't sound like she believes it herself.

"Is there somewhere else to stay? Like an empty building?" Eren asks. They stayed in that ruined house for a while, but it wouldn't offer any protection from the cold.

"I don't think so? The refugees with money bought up all the unoccupied houses. And the shelters are all full."

"We need warm clothes. How much money do we have?" Mikasa asks.

"23 lira."

"We might be able to sell those feathers for a couple more." Mikasa adds.

"Is that enough?" Eren really doesn't know how far 23 lira will go.

"Maybe one cheap coat. Not enough for all of us."

"I don't need new clothes." Eren adds quickly. Well, he doesn't think so. The cold is unpleasant and slows him in his tiny body, but he doesn't think he'll freeze to death. Probably. Maybe.

"If we get a coat, we'll have to share it. Maybe a heavy blanket would be better?" Mikasa suggests. 

"I don't know if we could get a heavy blanket for that much." And the defeat in Armin's voice is just painful.

"We'll just see what is available tomorrow." Mikasa finishes the conversation, because there really isn't anything else to add. They'll take their money and meager belongings to the city tomorrow and just see what they have. In the meantime, they enjoy their last night inside a house for the foreseeable future.

Chapter Text

Armin can't feel his fingers. His clothes are thin and the wind cuts right through him. The blanket that he shares with Eren and Mikasa isn't enough to block the cold anymore. Even pressing himself tight against Eren's unnaturally hot body doesn't stave off the cold. And snow keeps falling and falling. It's not even noon and the day shows no signs of warming up. The sky is cloudy and overcast with no hope of sun rays breaking through.

Even Eren is affected by the cold. Shivers rack his body and his lips are faintly blue. Though Armin can tell he's more worried about them than himself. This is bad. They are going to lose toes and fingers to the cold at this rate.

"We need to do something," Armin fights to get out through chattering teeth. Mikasa's head is down and she's just a black blob on the other side of Eren.

"What else can we do?" They already spent all their money on this blanket and found a nook in an alleyway to huddle against. The snow has made everything that could have been burned wet. They could try to go out and find something . Firewood, shelter, anything. But then they would be even more exposed and could succumb entirely to cold.

"Hey Eren, if you have the secret ability to turn into a heated house, now would be a good time to share," Armin jokes, because if he doesn't joke he's going to cry and his tears will probably just freeze to his face.

"Yeah," Eren breaths. He is radiating nervous energy and maybe it's not all from the cold. "I can." He says it without a hint of humor, but maybe he's just too cold to muster it. "But not here."

"You can turn into a house?" Mikasa's voice is full of frustration and Armin can see why. They are in a dire situation and this make believe isn't doing anything to save them.

"Something like it. But we need to get away from the city first," and he stands. He stands up into the chilled air, letting their life saving heat escape.

"Eren, you can't, what are you doing," Mikasa legitimately flounders for words, which is a rare enough event that Armin knows this is desperate times.

"Do you trust me? I can keep us all warm, but we need to get somewhere hidden." Eren is still standing, eyes blazing with determination. This isn't a joke, he's not spinning some fantasy to share in. And sure, Armin trusts Eren. And he knows he's not really the most human-y human out there. But he wants them to leave their huddle, leave the city with any chance of help, and wander into the forest in the middle of winter. It's just asking for a lot of trust.

"Eren, we're not going into the forest." Mikasa glares and tries to tug Eren back down.

"Why?" Armin struggles to form the word with his fridget lips. "I trust you Eren, but I need to know what you're planning." Eren looks at them with sad eyes. He looks to the sky, to the snow, and back to them. Then he says the craziest thing, words that he never expected to come from anyone.

"I'm a titan," his voice is soft, quiet, barely audible over the wind. Eren is not a titan. He's closer to being a cat than a titan. Maybe he's suffering from hypothermia?

"Eren, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard from anyone," Mikasa's voice cuts harshly between them. "I've seen titans. I've seen them eat people. You are not a titan." Eren looks befuddled, as though he really expected them to just accept his ludicrous claim.

"I am. And I can show you. My big body can protect you from the cold, and puts out more heat. But you have to trust me." Eren pleads. His voice is desperate, they all are. There's a heavy silence while Eren begs with his eyes. Then, finally, Armin stands. It's cold, so much colder so he clings to Eren's warm body.

"You can't possibly believe him?" Mikasa growls. She's alone under the blanket now. She's upset, furious. She wants to survive and staying put is the safest option. Except it's not.

"He's not a titan, but he's something . And he's never steered us wrong before." He can almost feel Eren beam beside him. A warm arm wraps around him. "Mikasa, we're going to die if we stay here. Maybe not freeze to death, but what happens when our fingers turn black from frostbite? What happens when the infection sets in?" Armin shakes his head. It's death waiting for them in that corner. Maybe fast, maybe slow. But they won't survive the winter like this.

"Mikasa, please . I can save you." Eren's voice is too honest, too desperate. He's not a titan, but Armin has to believe that he has something behind this. With an angry shudder, Mikasa stands. She wraps the blanket around them and they begin a slow shamble out of the alley way. Down the street. A left turn and they are leaving the city. The wind hits them so much worse in the open plains outside the city. Armin buries his face into Eren's shoulder just to protect it.

They keep walking. Down the dirt road and then off the trail into the barren trees. Dead bushes brush against his legs and it hurts. His skin is so tender from the cold. They keep walking. They walk until they find a place where the trees aren't as dense and they can't see the road anymore. Then Eren puts an arm on both of their chests. They stand and Eren keeps walking.

"Why are we here, Eren?" Mikasa's voice is hoarse and it sounds like she fully believes he's leading them to their deaths. And maybe he has, because it's so much colder and empty here. But Armin trusts Eren, has to. There's nothing else to do.

"You need to trust me, okay? It's still me. Please don't run," Eren gives them one last pleading, sad look. He's about ten meters away and the snow is falling heavy enough that his motions are obscured. He raises a hand to his mouth, then-

Light, steam, the smell of ozone. Squelching muscles and crackling bones. A writhing, growing mass of tissue explodes from Eren was. It forms a body, so large. An expanse of pale skin and long dark locks of hair. Familiar teal eyes set in a head far, far too big.

Eren is a titan.

It's crazy, it's stupid, impossible and even laughable. But Eren is a titan . His first instinct is to run. Mikasa shoves herself in front of him, knife already drawn, though it would do nothing against a titan. Memories from the fall, from these lumbering monsters crushing humans, eating them alive, toppling buildings. This one has a lipless mouth, showing off top and bottom rows of massive teeth.

Teal eyes fall on them. Armin locks up, a too loud part of his brain screaming that he needs to run, this is how he dies, it's happening again. But the monster doesn't grab for them. It uses its massive hands to wipe away the snow under it. Then it sits and slowly, tenderly, reaches towards them. Not to grab them, it doesn't even try to touch them. Just to beckon them. It slouches and it's torso leans forward enough to block more snow from landing under it. It's hunched over, an empty space, arranging it's body carefully to protect the small bubble from the harsh environment.

They shiver. The titans whines. The entire thing is surreal. Mikasa pushes them forward a few steps before losing her nerve.

"Eren?" She asks. The titan perks up. Huge jaws part and a steamy breath escapes 

" Yes ," it's a single breath, but enough to keep walking forward. He's so big and every step forward just makes him bigger. Eventually they are staring up at it while it looks down at them. The cold chases away their disbelief. Armin can't wrap his mind around it. Eren turning into a titan, a titan offering up it's body for shelter. But the cold is so real. So they enter that little protected bubble, with a torse for a roof and arms and legs for walls.

"He's so warm," Mikasa gasps and practically collapses against a thigh. Armin follows, the blanket is still tethering them together. And she's right, the leg is so much warmer than Eren's skin was. They settle into the back of his knee, suddenly surrounded by a blissful amount of heat. They bodies warm and as crazy as the situation is, it's good.

The titan- Eren?- watches them. The face is still scares him, but it's no longer a sense of terror. At first Armin just saw another warped titan face, but with the panic gone he can study it more carefully. The intelligent eyes, pointed ears, beak nose.

"He really is a titan," Mikasa murmurs beside him.

"I guess?" Armin still can't accept it. Sure, Eren can turn into a titan. But that doesn't mean he is a titan. He has a titan body, but he also has a human body. Maybe he's some kind of halfling?

Armin’s brain can’t turn off at this point. With the security and comfort that comes with the heat, his mind wakes up and thinks . Because those giant teal eyes never leave him or Mikasa, never give him a break from the reality that Eren is a titan . He reviews all those bits of information he learned. Eren’s heat, how he sleeps and rises with the sun, how he doesn’t need to eat, but can only eat meat. Meat.

What was he doing in Shiganshina? Was he one of the titans eating humans? The thought makes Armin shiver despite his new warmth. Does Eren eat people? Does he want to? He wants to go home, outside the walls. Is that so he can continue to eat Scouts as they leave? Were they wrong to trust him? Armin can’t reconcile that with the Eren he knows. The guy who cares so deeply, who protects them. He steals and fights as needs be, but Mikasa does as well. And he only eats meat after they have their fill. How could Eren possibly be a bloodthirsty monster? He keeps going back to the idea that Eren isn’t really a titan. He’s some kind of halfling, capable of growing a titan body from his human one.

“How do we work with this?” Mikasa shoves Armin out of his thoughts. She’s warm enough to have the blanket drop from her shoulders and rest in her lap. Armin stares at her, trying to understand what she is getting at. She rolls her eyes at his confusion. “You think too hard about the wrong things. I guess we have shelter now,” she looks up into Eren’s eyes. They practically glow green and have never left them. “But we need food too. And better clothes. Money.”

“You want to monetize having a titan?” Armin inquires. Eren huffs out something that could have been a laugh. “It’s just, maybe we should figure out this whole… Titan business first?”

“What’s there to figure out? Eren is our friend, and he can turn into a titan.” Mikasa shrugs easily. How can she just accept this? As though this is anywhere near normal? “I know it’s a shock, but we need to work with this. We can’t just sit around thinking about it until we starve.” Above them, Eren nods. Armin rubs his face and forces his brain to reset. He’s stuck in the loop of Eren is a titan , figuring out how and why and what it means. But Mikasa is right, they have more immediate needs. And though there’s still a million questions swirling in his head, he forces his mind to address the here and now.

“Can you talk like this?” Armin asks Eren. The massive jaw opens, the tongue writhes and Armin works hard to squash the memories of humans being thrown into mouths like that.

“ Kin dove. ” Kin dove? Kind of. Well, that answers that.

“How long can you stay like this?”

“ For-ever .” And for some reason that sends a chill down Armin’s spine. When was he living before?

“Can you change back easily?” Armin asks, probing more at the limitations here. Eren doesn’t reply. His eyes lazily scan the surroundings, thinking. That’s worrisome. If Eren can’t go back to his normal form, if he is stuck like this, they would have to hide him. And how in the world could they hide a titan?

“ Don know .” Armin groans. That is not a problem he needs. Freezing and starving to death suddenly seem to quaint.

“What’s the process? Do we need to feed you something? Do a dance?” Armin needs to know what he is working with. Eren huffs again, something that is definitely supposed to be a laugh. He leans down a little further, dark stringy hair suddenly invading Armin’s space. Then he taps the back of his neck.

“ In ‘ere. Need ‘ut out .” Armin takes a moment to process the broken words. Titans can be killed by cutting their necks. He recalls a soldier explaining that during the fall. So maybe they need to kill his titan form, to return him to his human form? If that is the case, that’s something Mikasa will have to do. He hopes her knife is enough for the job.

“Do you think you can do that?” He asks Mikasa, who seems genuinely taken aback by the thought.

“I don’t know,” and yeah, that’s understandable. Eren is huge, even by titan standards. And sticking your knife in a titan alone seems so intimidating.

“ Ay can do et ay-elt ,” Eren speaks a sentence that is mostly gibberish. A glance at Mikasa says she also has no idea what he said.

“Okay, well let’s say that won’t be a problem. We can’t have anyone see you like this, so whatever we do we'll have to do it away from people." Though Armin doesn't like the thought of being feral children. If they could find a way to get money while rural, they could all live comfortably in a city. But what could a titan in the woods do to make money?

"Maybe we could sell firewood?" Mikasa suggests. Everyone does need firewood right now, and Eren could haul large amounts of wood to a roadside to sell. But they are missing one thing.

"We don't have any way to cut the logs into pieces." And no one would give them money if they have to chop their own wood.

"Eren already did," Mikasa has a mischievous glint in eyes.

"Oh no. No no no. We can't steal from Lydia! And how would we even do it without her noticing? He can't exactly sneak around like this." Armin objects but Eren is chittering happily and he knows this is a losing battle.

"Think of it as proper compensation for our work. And Lydia goes into town for supplies every Tuesday. She'll be there all day." Of course today has to be a Tuesday. Like the universe was giving them the green light. And even though Armin hates to steal, he can't really feel sorry for Lydia. She has enough money to buy the firewood, and they really should have been paid more than a potato a day.

"Alright. But let's be quick." Eren smiles, somehow. He doesn't have lips, so it must be all in the eyes, but Armin can just picture the wide grin he'd have if he was in his normal body. The massive limbs around them shift until the titan is squatting in front of them. Somehow over the last couple hours he's become a lot less scary.

So when a huge hand is laid flat in front of them, palm up, neither human is afraid to step into it. The floor shifts and they are jostled into a sitting position as they rise up. The forest floor falls below them, they tumble onto their knees, and the world shrinks around them. Eren is about as tall as the trees around him, with some being shorter and others being taller. Armin can see so much further here. There is something awe inspiring to be able to see the forest stretch on like this.

Eren walks. It’s not comfortable. It’s bouncy and makes the world around him jump but there’s something so novel, inhumane, that makes Armin giggle. It’s only a few minutes walk to Lydia’s when your stride is 6 meters. Armin is worried that Lydia is there for whatever reason, but nope. Eren seems confident that she isn’t, and she doesn’t run out screaming so she must be in town.

Eren lets them down in the familiar garden. It’s barren, of course, and dusted with snow. The stockpile of firewood is nearby, clean and dry. Eren looks at, his hand hovers around the lean-to like he isn’t sure how to do this. He looks towards the two smaller forms, silently asking for guidance.

“Just smash it,” Mikasa shrugs.

“Don’t break her stuff. We’re just here for fair compensation, not vandalization,” Sure, Lydia wasn't a good boss, but they aren't scoundrels. In the end Eren opts for an inbetween, scrapping out the firewood and only cracking a support beam. He can pretty comfortably grab and carry most of the firewood against his chest. Only a few stray pieces fall down, and even those Mikasa pick up as they trail behind him.

“I wonder how much money we can make off of this,” Armin muses as they begin to leave. Mikasa and Armin are on foot now, and move much more slowly. Eren only takes a single step every few minutes. And wow, it’s kinda intimidating walking beside a titan like this. If Eren accidentally steps on them, they’re dead. But he’s so careful with every move. Walking, but also when he was sheltering them or carrying them. Every movement is precise and slow. And despite the sheer power of it all, Armin isn’t truly afraid. It’s Eren, and he trusts Eren.

The snow picks up a bit, which is both good and bad. The chill sets in again, but at least it hides the giant footprints.

When they get close to the city, Armin breaks off to scope out the road leading into it. Seeing that it is clear of any witnesses, he beckons Eren forward. He moves gracefully through the trees despite his size, and he drops all the firewood into a clunky pile beside the road. Then he disappears back into the trees, leaving only a single, oversized footprint behind. Armin begins kicking the snow around, obscuring it. Mikasa is nearby, biting her lip.

“Do you think you can… get him out?” The task seems so obscenely gorey and bloody, and he can tell Mikasa isn’t excited for it.

“I don’t know. He’s so big, and heals fast. I don’t think so…” Mikasa looks at the blade in her hands. It’s been dulled from frequent use, not that it was new when she got it either. It’s a four inch blade, big for them but miniscule compared to Eren. “There’s nothing to do but try though,” Mikasa shakes her head and turns away, towards the forest. You know it’s bad when Mikasa is dilly-dallying. Before she can get far though, Eren, human bodied, leaps out.

“I told you guys I could get myself out,” he scoffs. Teal eyes, dark hair, tan skinned, just the normal looking guy they’ve known for almost a year now.

“Is that what you said?” Mikasa questions smoothly. The whiplash of the situation is leaving Armin tongue tied. How can Mikasa adapt so easily? “Well, now I don’t have to figure out how to get you out.”

“Yeah, don’t let anyone go there for at least an hour,” Eren jams a thumb behind him. Armin wants to know why, what happened to the body, how did he get out, and oh, and just a general ‘what the hell is happening’. “After that the body will be gone.”

“Gone?” Mikasa drives the conversation. Eren nods.

“I don’t know if you noticed, back when… well, titan bodies disintegrate pretty fast.” Eren explains awkwardly. Back when? During the fall? When Eren got trapped inside the walls? Because he is some kind of titan shifter. Suddenly now that they aren’t freezing and starving (or at least have a plan to stop freezing and starving) the questions come back to Armin. And he can’t let this lie, not when Eren is a titan.

“Eren, what were you doing in Shiganshina?” Were you eating people? Armin needs to know. He needs to know if Eren is a human, or a titan. Eren gives a wide eyed look, like the question has cut him.

“Not now, someone is coming,” Eren mutters. Armin doesn’t like the way he looks around. He’s back to picturing Eren as a monster, eating humans. Eating his family and friends. Armin doesn’t see anyone, and it feels like a lame excuse. But Eren is always right about this stuff, and soon enough an elderly man with a donkey and cart comes by.

“Firewood, one lira for five pieces.” Mikasa offers. The man’s eyes sparkle and he stops in front of them.

“That’s a pretty good deal, and I need to stock up. Nice and dry too,” the old man inspects the wood before loading up his cart. They get a wad of lira, enough for a real meal. More than they’ve had in a long time. It serves to remind Armin that, regardless of the past, Eren is helping them now. And how he helps. Truthfully, he kind of carries them.

Once the old man is disappearing into the distance, Eren’s smile falls from his face.

"I was helping," he almost whispers. Helping. Armin wants to believe that. It's the best case. But can he really believe it?

"Helping?" Eren nods.

"When the armored titan broke through, I wanted to help. So I followed. I was fighting back the titans when one of the Scouts cut me down. I guess they didn't notice my small body escape." He ends it with a shrug, as though it's trivial. Armin's insides are still twisted in a knot. He wants to believe Eren. He really, really does. But he didn't see any titans attacking other titans. He didn't hear about it either. Isn't that something everyone would be talking about?

They lapse into an awkward silence that is only broken by the occasional traveler buying wood. The pile shrinks and their collection of bills grows. Eren doesn't speak again for a long while. None of them do. Armin is going through every memory with Eren and reanalyzing them. Trying to decide if Eren is really a friend, or…

"I can leave. You have your money, you'll be fine," Eren stands abruptly. His face is pinched in hurt rage.

"What? Eren, what are you saying?" Armin tries to cool his friend.

"You're afraid of me," is his simple accusation. And while he's not strictly speaking wrong , Armin can't let him think it.

"No, Eren, we're not-"

"I can smell it." Eren's eyes are full of anger. That heated glare was intense enough without Eren being able to turn into a titan

"What?" 

"I can smell your fear," he says slowly, like Armin if daft. "Titans have a much better sense of smell. Didn't you ever wonder how I can find you guys so easily? How I can find animals to hunt?" He rolls his eyes, like he's talking to a couple of stupid children. Maybe he is. Mikasa is clutching at her scarf, frozen in place. Armin visibly cowers. Maybe it's because of just how pissed Eren is, maybe it's because he's making it known just how non human he is. But something snaps in those teal eyes.

"Yeah, titans can sniff out humans. Makes sense, cause we eat you guys." Both Armin and Mikasa wince at that one. Suddenly Armin can't help but think of the scenes of titans eating friends and family. "And we can smell the different emotions on you. I can smell your happiness and anger. But fear is easiest to smell. Do you know why?" Neither of them answer. Armin can't even look at Eren anymore. If he did, he'd see the unshed tears and anguished face. Instead, he just heard the rage filled voice.

"Because it smells delicious. The smell of blood and fear is just heavenly to us, makes us want to eat until our stomachs explode. So maybe you're right to be afraid of me." The anger cracks from his voice, and by the last line there is nothing but pain. The words themselves are jarring enough that Armin brings his knees to his chest and hyperventilates. He's not looking at the ground anymore. He's looking at the streets of Shiganshina. Titans chasing people down, wide grins as they ate and ate and ate. Screams, screams coming from everywhere. Blood and entrails, human faces warped cold by death.

Mikasa shakes him hard. He's safe inside wall Rose, resting on the side of the road with a pile of firewood and a blanket. He breathes slowly, forcing his breath back into control.

"He's gone," she says simply. Armin cocks his head to where Eren was. Just footprints now. "Is that a good thing?" Her voice is small. It's an honest question. Eren is a titan. His words sealed any doubt, he's a titan. He isn't a human that can turn into a titan, he is a titan that can turn into a human. He… he wants to eat people.

But he didn't eat them. Never even seemed to consider it. Never did anything but help them. A memory flitters into his mind. Eren exclaiming that he won't eat meat, that it's never okay to eat meat. At the time it didn't make sense, Armin thought he wanted to save the meat for them. But now everything clicks into focus. Human meat. It's never okay to eat human meat . And despite his jeering about how delicious humans were, they were left alone and unscathed.

"I don't think it's a good thing," Armin finally answers her question. He needs to check something. He needs to know. "Can you watch the stockpile? I can go into town and buy some food and clothes." Mikasa nods numbly, hands off the money. He opts to leave the blanket with her and he bears the cold day as he walks through town.

He finds a second hand shop and picks the cheapest clothes that would actually offer enough protection. He uses some more money on bread, oats, and lentils. But there's one last stop he needs to make. The local newspaper. They offer up access to their archives for a small fee.

He searches the articles from the weeks after the fall. All the headlines are about the refugees, the threat of Rose falling, food shortages. Nothing about a titan helping the humans. Certainly, someone would have seen it, reported it. But if Eren was lying, if he was in Shiganshina to… to eat…

Scouts Align Themselves with the Titans! The headline catches his attention for some inexplicable reason. It's buried deep in the opinion pieces, another story about how crazy the Scouts are. But Armin's eyes still trail over it, and he finds himself thankful because it turns out to be exactly what he is looking for.

In the devastation following the fall of Wall Maria, the Scouts make it clear that they are not on humanity's side. Brave garrison soldier, Rene Warnz, fought and took down a 15 meter titan ravaging Shiganshina. However the Scouts claim that this titan should have been protected and saved! Going even as far as trying to have Warnz court-martialed.

They claim that this titan was actually helpful, fighting back other titans and ignoring humans. Commander Smith, head of the Scouts, says that they were familiar with this titan prior to the fall, and claims that it acted atypical and generally passive. "This titan showed both a high level of intelligence and a willingness to cooperate with humans. We had hoped to capture it and use it to expand our knowledge and possibly even use it in battle. This titan was humanity's hope, and to see it cut down is devastating." When Warnz was questioned, she insisted that the titan was just like any other. She was doing her job, protecting humanity and killing titans.

It's a well accepted fact that the Scouts are mentally unhinged. They would have to be, throwing themselves out there to be eaten by titans. But now it's the official stance of the Scouts. They aren't fighting for humanity, they truly are on the side of the titans!

Armin reads and re-reads it again. Especially the quote from Smith. Helpful, highly intelligent, passive towards humans. It's true. Eren was telling the truth. He was in Shiganshina helping, not eating. And no one believed it. Of course they wouldn't, Armin probably wouldn't either if he didn’t meet Eren. But the Scouts can vouch for Eren.

Armin practically runs back to Mikasa. The firewood pile is steadily getting smaller, and they'll probably run out by nightfall. They might even have enough money for a real room. But there's a more pressing issue first.

"He was telling the truth," Armin doesn't bother with pleasantries. Mikasa is currently in the middle of a sale, so he needs to be vague. But her eyes flash with understanding anyway. Still they wait in silence until the last customer leaves and they are alone. Mikasa takes the time to put on her new winter outerwear.

"He was helping in Shiganshina. The Scouts were familiar with him from before. He wouldn't attack them, and then when wall Maria fell he was fighting titans. He's not a monster," Armin explains. Mikasa presses her lips thin, like this is somehow upsetting news.

"We need to find him then," and yeah, there's that. Armin feels like a monster now, recalling how clearly upset and bothered Eren was. How they just let them go. In the end, they didn't really trust Eren, did they?

"What are we going to do? Where did he even go?" Of course Eren's footprints are long gone, buried by the snow. Armin can't even recall in which direction he went. And while he would like to think that Eren will come back to them, it feels like he might be gone for good.

"He followed the road away from town, but I stopped paying attention after you had your attack," Mikasa explains. 

"Well, well, I was worried you left town," a familiar voice called out. Lydia was smiling at them with her too sweet smile, Mark of course by her side. "And you have a little business here too." She gestures to the firewood.

"Well, you said it yourself that we're resourceful," Mikasa hums. Despite the clawing concern and guilt over Eren, they take a moment to relish in Lydia’s concerned and frustrated gaze. Hey, at least no one is dying anymore

“That you are. Well, we best be going. We won’t be needing to buy any firewood this winter.”

“You never know, you might need to stock up again,” Armin couldn’t help himself. He smiles innocently. Lydia gives another confused look.

"We'll have to see on that," are the last words she gives them before pulling Mark along with her, down the road. Both Armin and Mikasa smirk and even chuckle as she leaves.

"Think she'll suspect us?" Mikasa asks, still smiling.

"Probably. But we're just a bunch of kids, how could have stolen that much firewood? How would we have transported it so fast?" Armin shakes his head. Lydia will no doubt suspect them, but if she tries to accuse them, she'll just look crazy. Mikasa nods, accepting this.

“And we’ll find Eren. I don’t think he went far,” she adds and Armin has to agree, if for no other reason than there really isn’t anywhere for him to go. They’ll search around for him, he’s probably in the city, or maybe in the forest. They’ll catch up to him, apologize, and then... 

Well, now at least they know why he doesn’t feel welcome or safe inside the walls.

Chapter Text

It's stupid, really. Eren shouldn't care. He's a titan, he doesn't have any business living with humans. Titans have a simple range of emotions, ranging from hungry to mad with the occasional fear or deference. They don't feel rejected and they don't get hurt feelings.

So why is his chest clenching like this?

Whatever. His humans got their money, they can manage without them. They don't even want him, so there's no point in fretting over them anymore. So Eren left them, and that's fine. He's fine.

He's avoiding the road just because he doesn't want to deal with any more humans. He doesn't know where he's going, just that he's in the woods and walking away from the scent of humans. In the back of his head he knows he needs to join the Scouts, and that means three years of training and he doesn't even know where to go for that.

The whole thing is ridiculous and isn't even fun anymore. Maybe he can just crawl over the wall or something. It can't be protected everywhere. Now if he could find a 100 meter ladder, he'll be set. Fucking hopeless.

And the cold is miserable. He does better than a human would, his flesh is always so much hotter. But apparently his small body is still pretty susceptible to the chill. It makes his limbs slow and numb. It's a lot worse without a blanket and two warm bodies beside him. He wonders if he can die from the cold like humans can. He can't picture it, but the idea is unsettling all the same.

He could move into his big body. That way the cold wouldn't bother him. And there's no humans around to see. But if some stray human did find him it could be his end. It's when he's considering these options that the wind changes and he picks it up. The faintest hint of human. His humans.

What are they doing? They must be going into the forest, and pretty deep if he can smell them all the way out here. Are they trying to hunt? Do they want to find him? It's cold and they won't be able to find shelter or food. He should probably check on them. Not even talk to them, just make sure they aren't going to get themselves killed. It'd be a shame if they up and died after all he did for them.

So Eren turns in the direction and creeps towards them. He really isn't intending to confront them. He doesn't know what would have changed since he ran off, so what's the point?

"Eren! We're lost in the woods and need you to come save us!" Mikasa's voice is just loud enough to hear. Eren snorts. Her tone is light and he knows Mikasa wouldn't get them lost like that. She's just teasing him about how he mothers them too much.

"I have a whole roasted rabbit that I can't finish on my own!" Armin's voice, and yeah, they are fucking with him because he doesn't smell any rabbit. And he's slightly offended at the obvious lie. Now Armin owes him a rabbit. Which is an odd thought considering not even an hour ago he was set on never seeing them again. Maybe it's just that hard to picture life without them.

But they know the truth, and they fear him. And that fact makes his eyes prickle and his teeth grind. Part of him says fuck them. If after all this time they still don't trust him, whatever. He can go it without them. Fuck them.

A traitorous part of his mind suggests that they are right to not trust me. That when the scent of blood and fear is heavy in the air, he starts drooling and his stomach churns with need. That he's dangerous. When he stole the vegetables and the humans attacked, he had wanted so bad, he was even going to…

"Eren, I'm sorry! I know you aren't going to hurt us!" Armin again. Are these idiots really just wandering the woods, screaming bribes and apologies? How would they even know if he was listening or not? Still, the words loosen something in him.

"Armin's an idiot with an oversized head. I was never afraid of you!" Mikasa. The playful banter makes him quirk his lips up. He misses them already and it's only been a few hours. And yeah, Mikasa's scent had a lot less fear in it, but it's still a lie to say she was never afraid.

"You're both terrible liars!" Eren yells back.

"Eren!" Armin yells and he can hear supremely clumsy sounds of snow being kicked and bushes being pushed through. He's so honed in on Armin's clunky journey that he actually misses Mikasa's entrance entirely. So he's understandably surprised when her scent hits him and arms wrap around him.

"Armin really is an idiot. We know that you aren't going to hurt us. Or eat anyone," she gives a playful shove as she pushes away. The fact that they know him eating people is on the table still sends his heart stuttering. But she seems genuine and doesn't have a hint of fear on her. The relief is enough for him to pull Mikasa into another tight hug. Armin comes crashing through the woods and suddenly their hug is a three way.

"I'm sorry Eren. I just, I didn't know what to think and you know how I think too much," Armin also doesn't have any smell of fear. Eren enjoys the warmth and scents of his humans, once again completely trusting of him.

"I don't know why it took you so long to figure it out that I'm not going to eat you," Eren teases. "So how long were you yelling apologies to the trees? And when did you go shopping?" He tugs at the heavy coat. His humans smile and tension melts from the air. They know they are forgiven, even if he doesn't say it.

"Well, I felt like you would be more comfortable in the woods, away from people. And you can track us down, which I assumed you would. You aren't the kind of person to back away from a situation. So it was really just a matter of time," Armin explains. And he was right on all counts, so Eren can't fault his logic.

"We didn't get anything for you. Sorry." Mikasa frowns and pinches his thin and well worn shirt. And yeah, he’s pretty jealous of their thick jackets and trousers.

“Well, do we have enough money for me to not freeze?” He scoffs, rubbing his arms half out of the cold, half to guilt them.

“And then some,” Armin smiles. Eren smiles back and they return to the city. Back to not just his humans but humanity in general. They even find an inn and book a room for the night, a novel experience for Eren who had thus far either slept on the street or in Lydia's closet. But stepping into the rented room, it actually looks comfortable. A simple desk, wardrobe, a door to a bathroom, and two beds. But enough space for all three of them to move around comfortably. Armin had excused himself to grab dinner, another novelty. They apparently made some good money from all that firewood.

“You’ve probably never slept in a real bed, huh?” Mikasa asks as he’s inspecting the thing.

“Nope,” he shrugs. He has his bedroll, which is really just a blanket with good enough dimensions. Then there’s the cot at Lydia’s, but even that was a far cry from this large and cushioned bed.

“What’s it like when you sleep?” She asks with some hesitation. Before he wouldn’t answer questions like that very often. But now it’s all out in the open, so why not?

“Uh, I don’t know. I figured it was the same as for you,” he answers lamely but Mikasa shakes her head.

“I don’t think so. Once it gets too late, you can’t wake up,” she explains. Eren ponders this. Humans did sleep whenever, sometimes during the day, and often stayed up after dark. Which he never really got over. He cocks his head and looks at the evening sun. They had maybe another hour of light, and then he would sleep until the sun returned. There was no flexibility there. No variance.

“Well, how do you sleep?” Eren counters. Mikasa shrugs. Yeah, it’s not exactly an easy question

“Do you dream?” She pressed. Dreams. Eren had heard of them before. Things humans imagine at night. He never understood what exactly they were and never felt comfortable enough to ask.

“I don’t think so. What evem are they?”

“Dreams are things we see when we sleep.” Yeah, he got that, but he still can’t really understand what exactly they were or why humans had them. "Like visions. A lot of times they don't make sense. Just jumbled stories about places and people we know."

“Yeah, I don’t have anything like that. It just goes dark until the sun comes back,” Eren cuts off his questions because Armin is coming and if his nose doesn’t deceive him, there is the smell of rabbit with him. And sure enough, when Armin pushes the door open, he has two bowls of stew and a plate of rabbit meat.

“Here, I thought you’d like something to eat,” Armin offers the plate to him. And yeah, the tender meat has him drooling. But old habits die hard, and he doesn’t need to eat like his humans do.

“It’s fine, we have our own food,” Mikasa chides him, almost reading his mind. And yeah, their bowls are full and the soup is heavy with vegetables and even shreds of meat. His humans dig in and that’s all the permission Eren needs.

The meat is savory and even has some fat to it. It’s not like real meat but-

He stops the thought there. He doesn’t want to even think about real meat. No, the rabbit is good. It’s enough. He greedily eats the morsels until the plate is completely empty. He notices Armin looking at him as he chews on the last bite.

"What's the look for?" Eren jeers but he can take a guess why.

"Oh, um. I guess I was just thinking…" He trails off. Eren groans. This shit is going to get really old really fast.

"Ask your questions. Just don't get all freaked out about me again." Probably best to just be open moving forward. Eren flops onto the bed, and yeah, it's pretty comfortable.

"Are all titans like you? Is there a civilization of titans? Do other titans turn into other things? Where do titans come from?" The onslaught of questions doesn't stop and suddenly Eren regrets the offer. And as he starts to answer them it just creates more questions. This goes on until the sun sets and Eren's world gets too fuzzy to understand them.

When he wakes up, he's pleasantly warm under heavy blankets. Armin is sleeping a respectable distance away in his bed, a clear sign he isn't cold either. Mikasa is in the other bed and the early morning light is just strong enough to clear the fuzz from his mind. The room and even the city outside is completely silent.

But Eren doesn't sleep in, so no one else gets to. With no respect for his sleeping humans- because it's time to get up anyway- he throws himself out of bed and makes his way into the bathroom. His humans groan at the interruption. Really, you'd think they'd be use to it by now.

After they morning hygiene routine is over, they make their way to where the woodpile was. Not a single piece remains. His humans had sold most of it but did end up abandoning some of it to find Eren. And between the new clothes, supplies, food, and room they had blown through most of their money.

"Maybe Eren could cut some more?" Mikasa offers but Armin shakes his head.

"We don't have an axe," he sighs, but Eren is grateful. He is, at this point, pretty damn sick of cutting wood. The wind shifts and he picks up a familiar scent. Without even trying to hide it, he throws his head back and groans.

"Guess who?" He mutters when his humans give him questioning looks.

"Oh, there you are. I was hoping to find you." Lydia. And boy does she look pissed. A scowl, furrowed brows, and shifting from foot to foot. As though she wants to accuse them of something but doesn't know how to do it. Wonder what it could be.

"Hello ma'am," Armin offers with a tense polite nod. 

"I was wondering if you had any firewood left, but it seems like I missed it," she glares at them. "Where did you lads get all of it anyway?" Armin twitches so Eren is the one to answer. Armin does hate to steal.

"I chopped it up," he shrugs. And it isn't even a lie. Lydia hums with suspicion.

"Funny, it seems like something happened to my firewood."

"Weird," Eren shrugs.

"Do you know anything about it?"

"Nope," he pops the p. Lydia glares and clearly doesn't believe them. His humans stay silent but he knows that at least Mikasa will back him up if it comes to it. Armin looks like he's ready to kneel over and hurl.

"Well if your firewood is really gone, I can come by and cut some more for you," Eren sighs. Lydia softens instantly, a coy smirk gracing her lips.

"Well, that's so decent of you. It'd be such a help if you could," Lydia smiles her shit eating grin. Armin and Mikasa look like he's lost it.

"How about 300 lira?" Eren offers. Mikasa cracks a grin.

"What?" Lydia sputters.

"I think 300 lira for a day of cutting wood is fair," Eren explains. Mikasa hides a snicker. Lydia gawks. He actually doesn't know if it's a fair price, but he knows that it'll keep them fed and housed for at least a few days. It must be fair enough though because she eventually agrees.

Her little house looks cozy with the dusting of snow. Eren gets to work, finding felled trees and chopping them up. He's pretty damn sick of this task, but at least he has Armin and Mikasa around to help out and keep him company.

They had managed to haul a sizeable log to the house and Eren is currently whacking it into smaller chunks.

"Fizio would definitely be able to defeat Levi," Armin and Mikasa are having some inane conversation about hypothetical fights between people that Eren doesn't even know 

"Levi is a real person," Mikasa counters. "Fizio is just some made up character."

"I'm pretty sure they exaggerate captain Levi's skill," Armin doesn't back down.

"Who are either of those people?" Eren grunts as he splits a log apart.

"Fizio is from a fictional book Armin read as a kid. Levi is a captain in the Scouts, known as humanity's strongest." Mikasa clarifies. Eren wonders if he ever saw Levi.

"I don't know anything about this Fizio guy, but some of the Scouts are crazy strong." He thinks about the way they would take flight. How fast they would strike. The coordination and fearlessness. Ruthless even.

He watches the questions flicker through Armin's eyes, but he's smart enough not to ask them now. Not when Lydia is possibly within earshot. Which, as it turns out, she is because she pops her head out of the back door a moment later.

"Oh, Armin? I'm wondering if you could make yourself useful and go over Mark's letters with him?" She smiles.

"Of course ma'am. I could do it for 50 lira," he gives her his own too-sweet smile. Her pleasant smile wavers.

"You kids are really going to take me for everything I have, huh? No, I'll just teach him myself," she huffs and returns to the house. Eren snickers and Mikasa punches Armin's shoulder as with a proud smile.

They only have a few hours of sunlight left when Eren decides to call it. The lean-to, still cracked and bent, is only a quarter full but hey, she's not going to freeze tonight at least. That's more than she gave them.

"That's all you cut?" Lydia pouts after Eren knocks on her backdoor. 

"Yeah. It took me three days to fill it last time, and there was more wood around then." There's a tense moment where Eren thinks she might stiff them. But she's not the sort for confrontation and eventually she hands over the money.

"I know you had something to do with it," and she's not wrong. In fact, she's entirely right.

"Ma'am, we're just a group of orphaned children. How could have possibly done anything like that?" Armin supplies, canting his head innocently. Lydia seems entirely unconvinced but without any evidence or even a plausible way they did it, she can't do anything. So they get their money and return for another night at the inn.

But Lydia is quick to start spreading rumors about them, even saying that they stole jewelry and would hit Mark. She's persistent enough that enough townspeople turn, and they start getting dangerous glares when walking down the street. They make the decision to move onto the next town before things get heated. Not like they had anything left for them there.

It's in the cold of winter, when their money got too thin for a room, that trouble next hits. They go into the forest and Eren moves into his large body to serve as a makeshift shelter. His humans look so small and delicate from this angle. But unlike at first, they've become comfortable with his large body. He's too paranoid to even twitch a muscle for fear of hurting them. 

They set up their bedrolls by his legs and create a campfire to cook some food in. It's not as comfortable as an inn, especially with the snow piling up. But he's large enough to block it and hot enough to fight off the chill, so it's good enough.

It must be a hunter. Why else would he be so far out into the forest? Plus he stays upwind from his path. But whatever the reason, a sudden wave of cold washes through Eren's body when he hears him.

"Titan! Titan!" A strange voice screams. Eren looks and his humans fumble under him. The hunter takes off running as fast as he can through the snow. 

"Titan! Titans are in Rose! It's the end," trails after him as he runs off.

"What do we do?" Mikasa hisses. Eren is still frozen in place. He rumbles worriedly. Mikasa looks ready to chase after the hunter.

"Don't go after him. It'll just make things worse," Armin makes the call. "But we gotta go. Now," so they do. They flee the forest and any humans that live within gossiping distance of it. The snow hides the massive footprints, but Eren can't help but wonder what they'll do when the snow leaves. And he just has to hope that no one will stumble on the decaying body of his large form.

It's spring when they get into trouble again. People are wandering around more freely, including in the woods, making any transformation even more risky. But it's not as cold so at least they don't risk freezing anymore.

Armin finds him a job. He's usually the one to do it, more talkative than Mikasa and more polite than Eren. A horse breeder had some damage from a storm and some of his horses ran off. Now he needs an expert tracker to find them before predators do. Luckily Eren was raised in a hunting village and is a prodigy at tracking. Or at least that's what Armin says.

But hey, for enough lira he can play the role. He bends down and rubs some dirt between his fingers before nodding thoughtfully.

"We're close," he bullshits them and looks in a random direction. The rancher is looking less and less impressed as the hunt goes on.

"Kids, you better not be fucking with me." Yep, they are losing credibility.

"He was able to track down a hare from three miles away," Armin tries his best to act indignant but the rancher doesn't buy it.

"I don't know what you thought would happen-"

"This way," Eren says with emphasis. He gets the scent and leads them with conviction. It's enough to shut the rancher up. They sloppily bound through the underbrush until finally they catch sight of the horses. Five in total huddled and panicky but backed up against a ridge.

"Oh shit, you actually are a tracker," the rancher goes towards his horses, calming them with his familiar voice.

"We told you. A prodigy, best in the village," Armin follows after him, moving to rope and help collect the uneasy horses. Eren follows suit, approaching an increasingly panicked mare with some rope.

"Kid, be careful," the rancher yells. Eren rolls his eyes and tries to move slower and speak softly to her. She goes stiff as he corners her. He raises the rope but then she panics again. She rears up, screams, and then her body is twisting around in a flurry. Two powerful hind legs land squarely on his chest.

He can feel his organs jostle around. And that's before he lands on the dead, jagged branch. It goes deep into his back and judging by the sudden difficulty breathing, hits a lung. Not his day.

"Oh shit, oh fuck, kid are you okay? Shit, shit, shit," the rancher is freaking out around him. Understandably, since this would probably be lethal for a human. But it just pisses him off because he hates blood in his lungs.

"I'm fine," Eren wheezes and tries to get up. Sooner he can get this stick out of his lung, sooner it can patch itself up. But Mikasa is there to give him a hard stare. Right, he needs to act like he's dying.

"You are not fine," the rancher yells. The horses whinny and run away. Eren really doubts they are going to see any money from this. And now he's having to spit up steaming blood from his lungs. The rancher gawks at the blood, steaming and evaporating into nothing. Alright, jigs up.

With a heave and a grunt, he pulls himself off the branch. He kneels over and hacks up the rest of the misplaced blood before feeling his lung knit back together.

The rancher goes silent and pale. Looking between Eren's pissed face and quickly healing back. They can even hear his ribs crack back into place.

"What… what are you?" The rancher backs away. Eren doesn't have a good answer so he looks towards Armin. Armin is usually their best bet to get out of this stuff.

"He's a, uh, fairy," Armin lamely answers but the rancher is already booking it through the woods, horses forgotten.

"A fairy? Really?" And even Mikasa gives Armin a weird look.

"It was the least scary thing I could think of."

"Yeah, but maybe you could say I'm something a little bit more cool." Honestly, a fairy?

"Guys, we need to flee town now. Let's argue about this later," Mikasa sighs. And yeah, she's right. They should run before the rancher gets an angry mob together.

They jump from town to town. They can sniff out jobs well enough to get their needs met, but it's just a matter of time until Eren is shown to be inhuman. Then they gotta pack up and repeat the process in the next town. And eventually they're going to run out of towns. That or they'll slip up around a garrison soldier and Eren will be caught and who knows how that'll end.

So when the years fly by and his humans turn fifteen, they all understand that they need to enlist. Eren simply cannot stay within the walls. He needs to join the scouts and escape the walls. And before he can do that, he needs to spend three years in training.

Which is why they are in this barren, desert hell scape with a drill Sergeant screaming in their faces.

Chapter Text

“Remember to smile,” Armin whispers to Eren. They are stalling outside the mess hall, the first real opportunity to meet their fellow cadets. They’ll be here for three years and they need to make a good first impression. Or at least a look, totally normal human impression.

“Don’t smile, we’re cadets. Look intimidating,” Mikasa gives her counter views.

“Guys, come on. I’ll be fine. It took you guys a while to figure out something was weird about me,” Eren huffs out his chest, swatting away their fussing. His humans exchange a look.

“No? We knew instantly something was off about you,” Armin tells him gently. What? He thought he was being normal. He was being smooth, playing aloof and using nonverbal communication.

“Really off,” Mikasa agrees.

“You didn't talk or eat,” Armin elaborates.

“You growled at people.”

“You didn’t know the difference between men and women.”

“You purred.”

“Alright, guys, geeze. Leave me with some pride,” Eren cuts them off. “And I don’t purr.”

“Not so much anymore,” Armin places a hand on his back, like he’s silently checking for any rumbles. Eren swats it away.

“I never did.”

“It’s not a bad thing. You can do it again, just not around strangers,” Mikasa suggests. Eren is entirely fed up with the conversation. With a final, pissed huff, he pushes into the mess hall. The day is still early. Shadis just introduced himself, had them run laps, and told them to grab some food. Probably only noon. The mess hall is full of nervous energy. Three years. He needs to pass as human around these people for three years. They can’t just flee to the next town if he slips up. Considering this is a military base, he would be lucky to flee at all. 

Lunch is a bowl of lentils and some bread. Nothing that interests Eren. There are dozens of cadets, and cliques have already started to form. The trio scan the tables, calculating their first major social decision. They opt to go to one of the livelier tables that contains a larger group. Easier to blend in. At least that’s what Armin’s calculating decision was. Truthfully, Eren was just drawn to the loud and boisterous bunch. He’s been told he is loud and boisterous. Should fit right in.

They are huddled around a single table, eating their lunch with various levels of disappointment. Except one girl with a brown ponytail who is inhaling it. The trio take some seats at the end of the table and it falls silent for a moment. For a brief, fearful moment Eren thinks he messed up already. That he did something trivial to show his inhumanity. But then a bulky blonde man slaps Armin’s back and laughs.

“Name’s Reiner, and this is Bertholdt. We’re all just getting to know each other. So, names?” The loud blonde- Reiner- asks as he bites into some bread. Instantly the tension melts.

“I’m Eren, this is Armin and Mikasa,” he explains. Mikasa gives a polite nod and Armin offers a wide smile and a wave. The rest of the group introduces themselves and soon they can put a name to every face.

“Are you going to eat that,” Sasha points at Eren’s untouched meal.

“Nah, have at it,” he pushes the bowl into her eager hands. That girl can eat.

“What, you too good for the food here,” Jean scoffs. Already this guy is rubbing Eren wrong.

“I ate this morning, before getting here. Maybe I’m just better prepared than your dumb ass.” Eren glares at the kid, his temper acting up. It’s all lies, of course. He’d eat the food if it wouldn’t cause his stomach to cramp painfully until he throws it up. As is, he hasn’t eaten for a few weeks now. Not that it is an issue for him.

“So you are some rich kid? Mommy sent you off to war with a big breakfast?” Alright, this fucker needs to shut up. With a fist to his face. Eren stands with intent to do exactly that.

“Hey, chill out guys,” Connie tries to diffuse the situation and is easily ignored. Jean opens his stupid mouth to say more bullshit, but Reiner’s booming voice cuts him off.

“No making enemies on day one. Give it at least a week before you decide to hate each other.” Between the wisdom, playfulness, and sheer volume Reiner’s voice does the job. Eren sits back down and Jean mutters an apology. 

More idle chatter and getting to know each other wastes away their lunch time. Eren finds himself fitting in well, better than either Mikasa or Armin actually. But then a horn sounds, blasting across the compound. They exchange silent looks for a moment.

“I hope we don’t have to run more laps. My legs are still jelly,” Marco whines as they all get up. As fate- or Shadis- would have it, they do run more laps, but only a few. Eren jogs at an easy, slow pace. Hardly more than a walk, but he is keeping pace with Armin who is doing a pitiful shamble while gasping for breaths. His face is red all over and coated in sweet. Mikasa is on his other side, keeping a similar, easy pace as Eren. 

Armin garbles something between huffed breaths and waves them away.

“Is he going to be okay?” Eren asks Mikasa. He’s never seen his human like this before and isn’t sure how worried to be. But a few other cadets are in similar shape and no one is panicking, so it can’t be that bad.

“Yeah, he’s fine. Let’s leave him,” Mikasa picks up her pace and jogs ahead. Armin doesn’t seem upset and Eren does want to compete with the humans at the front who are handling the run well. So he gives Armin a final, worried glance.

He trots ahead of Armin and catches up to Mikasa who is passing others herself. Bertholdt is jogging at a slow pace and is easily passed, but he doesn’t seem to be dying like Armin, Marco, and Connie. Christa is panting and struggling a bit but is putting in decent effort and has some speed. Ymir is beside her with a unique blend of teasing and cheering. Both are easily passed. Then they hit the real competition. Sasha is going at a good pace and isn’t struggling. Mikasa and Eren have to put in real speed before they can pass her.

Jean glares hard as Eren reaches him, and he returns it with even more heat. Eren tries to pass him but Jean picks up the pace. He was panting before but now he is huffing, struggling to keep up with Eren. Eren, however, doesn’t even pant and eventually Jean’s pace falters and he falls behind. Reiner and Annie are all that are left. And they are both impressive. They can keep up a fast speed that even challenges Eren. Though he is at least able to keep up with them.

A faint smirk ghosts across Mikasa's lips. The four of them are tied, at a stalemate for first. Until she pushes her body even further, harder than the rest, and pulls ahead just enough to assert herself at the top. A friendly rivalry flares in Eren and he is just about to push himself harder when a whistle blows, signaling the end of running laps. The four trot over to Shadis in silent respect for each other. Or relative silence anyway.

"Looks like I got some good competition. I like it," Reiner huffs.

“Maybe together we can give Mikasa a run for her money,” Eren laughs as they move into position. No one has time to reply before Shadis is there, yelling at them.

"I didn't realize this is the corp for chatty little kids!"

"Er, sorry?" Eren offers, which is the wrong answer.

"You will address me as sir, and I expect to see a salute. What sorry excuse for a soldier are you?" He screams right at Eren.

"Sorry, sir," Eren yells back, offering a salute and keeping his eyes forward.

"There might be hope for you yet, cadet. The rest of you are pitiful though! If there was a titan here, you'd be nothing but a puddle of blood," Shadis yells at the less capable cadets coming in. Eren smiles. This, he understands. He can understand deference and power balances. It clicks pleasantly in his mind. He even allows himself to rumble peace, you're stronger, I submit . He has gotten mostly out of the habit of speaking in titan since his humans insist it's purring. But there's something cathartic about letting his body express itself.

After running laps, they do push-ups. Eren doesn't understand the issue, but others seem to be struggling. Armin simply fails after a few, laying flat on the ground and wheezing. Shadis is quick to begin his yelling, and thankfully Armin isn't the only one whose body is failing him. At least he doesn't have the full force of Shadis' rage. They cycle through a number of exercises, with the humans around him fatiguing faster and faster. Eren doesn't feel the need to slow down but does anyway. He can't draw suspicion on day one. They have three years of this stuff.

It's five in the afternoon when Shadis dismisses them. Yet no one moves towards the mess hall or the barracks or at all. Everyone just drops where they are, if they haven't already. Armin looks dead, Connie is throwing up, Reiner is chugging water, and even Mikasa is taking a moment to collect herself. Eren uses it as the perfect excuse to flop down and sunbathe. The rays are strong here and do good to keep his energy up.

"This is crazy. We're going to die. He's going to kill us," Connie gawks after his stomach settles.

"Stop whining," Ymir chides.

"I need food," Sasha hobbles up and stumbles towards the mess hall. Eren can't be sure but she seems to be chanting food, food, food , as she walks away. Maria, he could use some food too.

The thought is so casual, he doesn't even realize how strange it is until it passes. He's hungry. And it's like there's blood and fear in the air, calling him to eat. No, there's a gentle churning in his stomach, like his body is asking for food. Weird. But he can smell the mess hall, and it is devoid of any animal meat, so he's not eating today. He shoves the thought away and joins Mikasa in helping Armin up and towards food.

Everyone is eating alone. The social spirit and camaraderie from earlier is gone. Instead everyone is either focused on their food or seem to be in a daze. It's not hard for the three of them to find an empty corner and pass around their trays, hiding the fact that Eren isn't eating. Still, the lingering hunger gnaws at him. He wants to eat in a way he never has before. But it's easy enough to shove away.

After dinner everyone goes to their bunks. For once, most of the humans around him go to sleep before Eren. The ones that stay awake are still in that daze, staring out into nothing, unmoving.

"Was today really that rough?" Eren asks Mikasa, careful to keep his voice low. They got Armin into his bunk and Eren gets the feeling he won't hear his friend's voice for a while.

"Yes," is all Mikasa says in return. She's in better shape than most, but still collapses onto her bed. The sun is only starting to set, and Eren feels restless. He wants to chat or play a game or something. But for the sake of blending in, he lays back into his bed and waits for consciousness to leave him.

When he wakes up, he doesn't get up. He needs to blend in, pass as human for three years. So he resigns himself to staring at the ceiling for hours until normal humans get up. Which is why he's pleasantly surprised when only a few minutes later a horn blares through the compound and forces everyone awake.

"Oh Sina, what time is it?"

"No, no, no, I can't do another day."

"I don't think I can even walk." 

All around him humans stir and grumble and just generally be miserable and sad. Eren tries to mime their pitiful shamble, but his body feels fine. They start their day with laps again. A lot of the cadets do it at a brisk hobble. Even Mikasa and Reiner keep it to a tame trot. Eren could easily outrun them, go at the same place he did yesterday. And a competitive part of him wants to. But he doesn't. Instead he keeps pace with Mikasa, copying her lackluster trot.

How , she mouths at him. He smirks and bites the air. It's become an inside joke, a secret way to say titan without anyone else knowing. Mikasa rolls her eyes. Shadis screams about their failures from a distance. The drill sergeant focuses on the ones in last place, with Armin getting more than his share.

"Think he'll be alright?" Eren asks, watching their friend. Seeing Armin struggle like that makes him want to rip something in half. But he can't do anything about it.

"Talk to him, encourage him," Reiner butts into the conversation. "This is going to be rough, but with the right motivation, I'm sure he can push himself."

"He's right," Mikasa agrees. Her eyes are filled with concern too. "We can't train for him. We can only push him forward." Eren nods weakly, still not liking the idea but they're right. Nothing else to do.

"Bertholdt also isn't doing great," they move their gaze to the lanky kid. Better than Armin, but still struggling to force his muscles to work. Everyone is struggling to a degree. Even Eren is at least pretending to struggle. They struggle through the laps, the push-ups and pull ups, squats and crunches. 

Armin struggles a lot. Hell, he struggles to even take the position. Shadis is screaming at him and Eren wants to protect him. He knows that Armin hates being yelled at and sucks at exercise. Why is he dragging Armin through this? 

When they break for lunch Armin doesn't say anything or even go to them. He just limps towards the mess hall. Mikasa and Eren are quick to move to his side but neither of them are good at this stuff.

"Rough day," Eren starts but Armin shoots him a foul look.

"You don't even have to try." I'm trying to escape with my life is what he wants to say. But for Armin he swallows his anger.

"You don't have to be here," Eren says instead. Armin stumbles and looks horrified at the mere thought. Crushed even.

"What? You don't want me around?" Even Mikasa gives him a dirty look. Bad wording.

"No, nothing like that Armin. Of course I want you around. But this isn't exactly your cup of tea, you know?"

"Eren, where else would Armin be?" Mikasa's voice is low and dangerous with a hint of patronizing. Eren thinks about it for a moment and yeah, he sees her point. They are all Armin has. He doesn't even have any property outside from the few things in the chest by his bunk.

"Okay, I don't think sometimes. You know this," Eren rubs his face. Luckily his humans seem to take this as the apology it is. "It's just, it's not easy watching you have trouble like this." Thankfully his friends don't look pissed at that statement, so he's finally removed his foot from his mouth.

"I know. But it'll get better. I'll get stronger. I just need to stick with it." Armin nods with determination.

"And don't let Shadis get to you. Yelling at us is his job," Mikasa adds.

"Yeah, I know. I think this is good for me," Armin smiles. "It'll make me stronger. Tougher." Something about that doesn't sit well with Eren.

"But don't get too tough," he says before he can even parse his feelings. Armin and Mikasa stop on their walk to lunch.

"What, you don't want competition?" Armin looks mildly offended.

"Maybe I'm too much for him, he can't handle more." Mikasa jabs. Eren growls. Foot back in mouth it is. He looks around to make sure they are alone enough.

"I like you being soft," he pokes Armin's chest. He'll probably find a way to phrase this in the most offensive way possible, but here it goes. "Titans are tough. They only care about killing. They don't care about each other, or right and wrong. But humans do care. You care a lot. Humans are soft, but that makes them better, you know?" They stare at him with blank faces.

"That's sweet," Mikasa eventually says, lips lifting up into a soft smile.

"That's… really sweet," Armin says, nodding and looking like Eren just said something profound.

"But we still need to be tough in some spots, even if we're soft in others," Mikasa begins walking again and they follow after. Eren is happy to let the conversation drop. Armin is happier and no one is mad at him or making him explain things he doesn't have the words for. It's a win.

Armin does get better. They all do, or at least almost all. Their laughable, shambling gait turns into confident strides. The wheezing turns into controlled puffs. And where Eren use to dominate them, he falls behind. Even trying his hardest, he can't keep up. Mikasa and Reiner bolt ahead of him during laps and every day he seems to fall further and further behind.

It's not that he's doing worse. He's doing as good as he ever did, but no better. But all the humans, even Armin, improve. Eren doesn't. And he hates it. The competitive spirit in him demands he overtake them. But just three weeks in, he's running as fast as he can when Jean overtakes him. Jean . The fucker with his stupid horse face and shit eating smirk. He even gives Eren a cocky grin and flips him off.

Eren growls, rumbles out fight me, I'm stronger but even his burst of rage isn't enough for him to keep up.

They break for lunch and Eren can smell it. Chicken. He's drooling before he even gets to the mess hall.

"What's the rush?" Armin asks, trotting to keep up with him.

"Meat," he breathes, drools. He needs it. He's so fucking hungry. His stomach churns with raw need. The hunger that he got on the first day has only been building and growing. And now it's a maddening need. He needs to eat, he needs food. Like never before in his life, he needs food.

It's a pile of peas, potatoes, and a generous slab of chicken. Eren doesn't even wait to be seated before he digs into the poultry. It's still not really good. It doesn't taste anything like real meat, but it's something his body can accept.

"Think those two are related?" Ymir laughs. Eren looks up enough to see everyone giggling at him and Sasha, who also is destroying her poultry. Eren doesn't care enough to waste the valuable mouth time to talk. His hunk of chicken is almost gone but bless his humans. Armin takes half his veggies and puts his piece of chicken onto Eren plate. Mikasa follows suit, and now he has triple the chicken and no gross plant foods.

He mumbles gratitudes around the new meat and rumbles out share, happy, friends . Armin must pick it up and presses his body closer to Eren. Why do humans enjoy hearing titan rumbles? Weird. With a pointed look, Mikasa does the same. He's too thankful about the extra servings to even glare, but he'll have to remind them later that he does not purr.

"Whaaaaat? No fair! Why don't any of you share your chicken?" Sasha gawks, looking around the rest of the table. Eren smirks around his extra shares of chicken. His humans are the best.

"Connie, don't you want to-" Sasha's voice is low and sultry 

"No," the little human barks back, protectively holding his chicken away from her.

That night, Eren isn't hungry. The demanding pangs retreat. But it's short lived. The next day brings the hunger back. It builds and gnaws at him. He's idly sucking down water from his canteen, watching the humans. Shadis gave them a water break and everyone is taking full advantage.

"You're being weird," Mikasa joins him.

"What? How?" He's just drinking his water.

"You're staring."

"What's wrong with that?"

"You're staring at them like they're pieces of meat," Mikasa leans in and mutters it. Eren winces. He's been with humans for five years now and he's long since gotten over associating them with meat. But now, yeah. He can't help it. He can't stop the thoughts. They are meat and he is so hungry.

"I'm so hungry, Mikasa. I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy." He's grinding his teeth, chewing nothing. Meat, they are all meat. And he swears he's so close to just… giving in. "I'm afraid I'm going to do something bad." He whispers his darkest fear.

"No, you won't." She says it with complete confidence.

"How do you know?" Eren growls.

"I know you," she shrugs, like it's so obvious. "You won't hurt anyone, not like that anyway. You might punch Jean though." She explains and his confidence in him is staggering. Shadis calls the break to the end and they all begin their next round of laps, this time carrying weighted sandbags. Eren slings his bag over his shoulder and goes. He's still faster than many of the cadets, but he's solidly average at this point. Jean overtakes him quickly with a stupid fucking laugh and the heady scent of human.

He should eat Jean. If he's going to eat anyone, definitely should be Jean. Shut him up. He lets the smell of human fill him and he can't help the fantasies that fill up. Bloody and full of real meat. He also can't help the guilt that hits him for these fantasies.

This has got to stop. Something has to give. Eren is just getting hungrier and hungrier. So when dinner comes and the mess hall is filled with the scent of ten bean soup (and not a hint of meat), Eren grabs a bowl. And rather than do their shuffle that gives the illusion of him eating, Eren brings a tentative spoonful to his mouth. He can feel Mikasa and Armin stare- gawk- but he needs to eat . They don't say anything, can't in this busy mess hall. So they watch as brings the soupy substance to his mouth.

He's hit instantly with the reality that this is not food. It's not. It's like eating lumpy mud. But he swallows and eats another bite. He needs food. His body is screaming for food. And the humans eat this stuff, so he can too. He has to, because there isn't any other food around. Nope. As much as Jean would make a tasty meal, he will not. So he forces the soup down his throat.

He's a third of the way through the bowl when his body rejects it. His stomach flips, his throat contracts, and he's dashing out the mess hall and losing all ten beans into the bushes outside. He's sure that everyone is either asking about him with concern or talking shit, but Armin and Mikasa can deal with it. Right now, it's just him, the bushes, and the painful clenching of his stomach.

It's when his stomach is finally calming down that he smells it. Blood. Not human blood, animal blood. The smell of a butcher. His opportunity to finally eat. He follows it around the mess hall and off the compound. Through some trees and down a hill.

"Finally, some real food," Sasha is muttering around a small fire. Just enough of a flame to cook a small rabbit. Eren is there in a second, practically shoving her side. He won't eat anyone, but he's not above throwing some punches at this point.

"Back off! Mine!" Sasha practically growls and pushes him away. Eren rumbles fight, my food, give me during the tussle.

"Are... Are you purring?" She freezes, though keeps the headlock she has on Eren firmly in place.

"No. I don't purr." Shit. None of this is normal human behavior, is it? But Sasha is acting more like a titan herself, growling and fighting over a scrap of meat, so he might be okay.

"Share?" Eren offers once he regains enough of his mind.

"Pfft, no! I caught it, it's mine," she tightens the headlock on him. What a dick.

"What if I help you hunt? Then we can split whatever we catch?"

"You hunt?" She seems skeptical. He's not exactly a traditional human hunter, but he is plenty good at it.

"Sure. I can track down animals. But I need someone to help me catch them." Sasha instantly drops him.

"That's perfect! I'm killer with a bow or trapping, but I can't find anything out here." She waves around the arid land. Eren sniffs and can pick out the trail of at least a few animals.

"I want a leg, for food faith," Eren grabs towards the rabbit. Sasha frowns but tears one off for him.

"Alright. But if you're lying about the tracking stuff, I'm putting you back in the headlock," she warns. He's not lying, so he really doesn't care about the threat. All he cares about is getting every last shred of meat off the tiny bones. Sasha eats her lion's share with equal vigor.

He subtly scents the air because he's suddenly suspicious that Sasha is a titan like himself. But no, she smells entirely human. Weird. Maybe the differences between their species isn't that great after all.

"So, what do you normally hunt?" Sasha asks after the impromptu meal. She's kicking dirt around the remains of the fire, killing the flames and hiding the evidence.

"Anything I found," Eren shrugs. It's true, or at least as true as him being a hunter.

"I like it. Us too. Me and my dad, I mean. Lots of deer, but meat is meat, am I right?" She elbows him with a smile as they walk back to camp. Eren fights back the urge to say no, some meat, real meat is wrong but Sasha probably never even considered human meat.

"Red meat is best. Poultry is okay, but-"

"Oh man, don't even let me think about beef," Sasha wails. And yeah, the one time Eren had beef it was amazing.

"Now I'm thinking about it!" Maria, he wants beef now.

"What do you think the biggest game out here is? I bet I could smoke it to preserve it. Hog?" Sasha gushes with pure enthusiasm. They scheme out hunting, cooking, and preservation plans that are probably way too big to ever hope to happen. But when they part ways Eren is full of hope. And a little bit of meat. He goes to the barracks. The sun is setting and he's going to pass out soon.

"Where were you? We were worried sick," Armin is instantly on him. Mikasa looks none too happy either. The barracks are mostly empty at this point, but soon people will pile in.

"Hunting," Eren leans in to whisper with a grin. He wonders if they can smell the rabbit meat on him.

"Eren, you can get in trouble for that. You need a permit, and this is military ground." Armin scolds.

"I think it's a good idea. He's going crazy without food," Mikasa backs him up.

"I'm not the only one either. Sasha is hunting with me. So this isn't just a titan thing," he mutters the last part so softly he doubts even his humans could hear.

"I'm sure that it wouldn't be too bad if they are found. Probably just run laps," Mikasa muses. Armin stays silent but is clearly not happy about it. But he's always been a goody two shoes and hates breaking rules. "If you ever have extra, I'd like some."

"That's a big if . I'm not convinced that Sasha girl isn't, you know, like me ." Both their heads snap towards him in shock. "It's a joke. She just, really likes food. Meat especially." Eren rolls his eyes and they calm down. But internally Eren is willing to call Sasha an honorary titan.

They have their first real hunt the following day. They don't even bother with the mess hall, too eager for meat. Well, Eren couldn't even eat at the mess hall anyway. They walk around, Eren puts on a show off inspecting the dirt and branches.

"Know how to catch quail?" He asks. Sasha perks up.

"Hell yeah. Snares work great. Just point me to where I need to set them up."

They end up catching two quails, one each, and greedily eat them as soon as they are cooked to edibility.

"You really are a good tracker. Usually it takes hours, but you picked them out in minutes," Sasha strikes up a conversation as they return.

"They called me a prodigy," Eren looks away. He doesn't like this conversation. It's easier to bullshit hunting if the person you're lying to isn't a hunter herself.

"How do you do it? You gotta teach me."

"If I did that, you wouldn't need me anymore."

"Oh, don't be like that. We're hunting buddies now!" Sasha swings an arm around him. He's come to like Sasha a fair bit. "And besides, I can teach you how to set traps." Tempting. Very tempting. He'd take her up on the offer if he could. But alas, he can't exactly teach her how to sniff out game. Or even tell her that's how he does it.

"Nope. It's a family secret."

"Gah, you're such a spoil sport," she groans. They go to the mess hall and manage to grab some food before they close. For Eren it's just for appearances. He excuses himself to eat with Armin and Mikasa, then tosses the food when he can.

It takes him a week, but soon enough he's overtaking Jean again. And he's practically giddy as he flips the fucker off.

Armin pinches his arm during a water break.

"What's that for?" Eren glares at his blonde friend 

"You've put on muscle," he continues to poke Eren's arm. And yeah, it does seem bigger. "And you're doing better with training." He is. He's not competing with Reiner, Annie, and Mikasa like he was at first. But he's definitely getting closer.

"Yeah, kicked Jean's ass at laps this morning."

"So you need to eat to put on muscle, but not to maintain it? Or if you stopped eating, would you go back to your original build?" Armin is muttering. And yeah, that tracks. His body needed the meat to build the muscle to compete with the other humans.

"How should I know?" He takes a swig of water, thinking about it. "Fuck, that'd suck if I needed to keep eating to keep this muscle." Armin snickers.

"What?"

"You're becoming more human every day," Armin explains. Eren scowls, but he's got a point. Humans do have to eat regularly. Multiple times a day even.

"Yeah, well, it wouldn't be an issue if I could eat plants."

"Alright worms, back to it" Shadis breaks up their conversation. Eren is eager to get back into it. Mostly just to show off his supremacy to horse face.

Chapter Text

“Rise and shine people, let’s go,” Eren hops out of his bunk right as the horn blares. He really has no patience for lazy humans who refuse to rise with the sun.

“How are you this much of a morning person?” Ymir buries her face into her pillow.

“How are you not? We’ve been doing this for over a month,” Jean grumbles. Eren hates to side with Jean, but when he’s right, he’s right.

They change into their uniforms quickly and with minimal stumbling and whinging. Within fifteen minutes they are all at the normal training grounds, alert and ready for another day of laps and pushups. They do five laps and Eren is happy to see that he can pass most people with relative ease. That and Armin is doing much better too. He’s still in the back but his breaths are measured and controlled and his pace is a steady trot. Shadis blows his whistle and they all reconvene, ready for the regular routine of pushups, pull ups, and crunches. 

“Alright worms, you have been working your body but your mind has been getting soft. I want all of your asses in the lecture hall pronto,” Shadis yells, pointing towards a thus far unused building. Well, damn. That’s different. But there’s nothing else to do but begin the march over.

“Finally, I get to be back in a classroom,” Armin smiles on the walk there.

“I hope this won’t take long,” Eren grouses. He doesn’t like sitting still and listening. He’d rather be out doing and learning through experience.

“Well, when we were kids it was six hours a day, five days a week,” Armin muses and Eren’s eyes widen. That is way too much time for that. “But I doubt they’ll want us to use that much time in the classroom.”

“It’ll probably still be at least an hour a few times a week,” Mikasa muses.

“That’s… bearable. I hope,” Eren grumbles as they enter.

Some guy- Eren can’t even remember his name- starts lecturing about OMD gear. Which is apparently how soldiers fly. And while this topic was interesting at first, now he is talking about the proper way to put on the harness. Less interesting. He goes into such minute detail about such trivial stuff that Eren’s eyes want to roll into the back of his head.

Armin is beside him, eagerly soaking in every detail, the nerd. Mikasa is paying attention with a more respectable level of disinterest. Walls, just let him into the gear and he’ll figure it out on his own. But no, they need to explain the proper way to strap in gas canisters. Eren is actually excited for lunch when they break. They don’t go straight to the mess hall, they never do. They always wait for it to empty out a bit to hide the fact that Eren doesn’t eat. So instead they go to their regular spot behind the barracks to wait it out a bit.

“I think my brain died,” Eren groans.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Mikasa rolls her eyes.

“It makes sense they’d give us classes first. OMD gear can be dangerous, they want to make sure we don’t hurt ourselves,” Armin speculates. And yeah, that makes sense. But it doesn’t help with how boring it is.

“This is probably the first time you’ve been in a classroom, isn’t it?” Mikasa asks.

“Yeah? You guys met me when I first got here, and titans sure as shit don’t have classrooms.” Eren reflects on how human children have to go to classes like that almost every day for their entire childhood. “Did you guys really have to do that every day growing up?”

“Not the weekend, but most days, yeah,” Armin nods. Eren shivers. Humans truly are insane. “Let’s get some food, I’m starving.”

Lunch goes by uneventfully and quietly. Afterwards Shadis has them running laps and stretching. Eren is thankful for the familiar, and physical, work. But of course it isn’t meant to last. Eren knows something is going to be different when he sees a bored looking instructor next to Shadis.

“Listen up children! Today you will be practicing your hand to hand combat skills. I want you to watch these moves carefully. I expect flawless execution. Anything but can be the difference between apprehending a criminal and being a bloody corpse in an alleyway.” Shadis yells before turning to the instructor that Eren still can’t recall the name of. Shadis throws a punch, though pulling back before hitting the guy. He explains the proper way to throw your weight into it. Then they add complexity when the instructor blocks. Then there’s the proper counter attack. On and on. At least this is more interesting than a chalkboard of how to use the OMD gear. Eren is itching to practice the moves.

 When they break to practice, Eren gets paired with Sasha. Armin is with Connie and Mikasa is with Annie, so Shadis is probably trying to match them with equals.

“The hares should be nice and fat this time of year,” Sasha muses as she blocks Eren’s blow. He snorts. Is she always thinking of meat?

“I’m still hoping to find that wild hog. Think you could really smoke it?” Eren picked out the scent but it was old and too far away to hunt with the little time they have at the end of the day. 

“Yes! That would be enough to last us for months ,” she’s practically drooling. Sasha throws a punch and Eren’s instincts take over, throwing her face first to the ground. Her nape perfectly exposed for a killing blow. Not that he moves for it. Hand to hand combat is something he knows well. Titans fight with their fists, and he’s fought a lot of them. It’s a bit different with humans. They hurt a lot easier and have many weak spots, not just one. But the basics are the same.

“Daaaamn, where did you learn that?” Sasha jumps up, rubbing a sore shoulder. That wasn’t one of the moves taught, huh? Looking around he has some attention from his fellow cadets. Even Shadis is watching him with mild interest.

“Fighting is popular where I come from,” he admits, trying to make it seem like nothing. “Come on, I won’t throw you again,” Eren takes his pose and they start up again. He sticks to the moves Shadis taught but still finds himself enjoying the sparring. But then a whistle cuts through their work and all eyes move to Shadis.

“Dinner time, worms. I expect to see you back here at oh seven hundred hours. Break,” he dismisses them. Shit, 7 pm is kinda late. Hopefully whatever he wants them to do then won’t take too long. Eren looks over to Sasha for their evening routine but she shakes her head.

“Sorry, can’t hunt tonight.”

“What? Why not?” Not that he needs meat every day, but he is worried about it costing him muscle mass. He does not want to fall behind Jean again.

“There was an incident, the fire spread faster than I thought, and now I gotta clean the latrines.” Sasha explains with some bitterness and a glare at Connie. There’s a story there, but Eren needs to focus on his own problems.

“When did you even find the time?”

“Maybe if you didn’t sleep like the dead, you’d have more time too,” Sasha rolls her eyes and goes towards the mess hall. Damn, and now he is thinking about his sleeping issues. Hopefully tonight won’t be an issue. He wanders towards his humans and when they are alone enough, he dives right into it.

“Is tonight going to be an issue?” He hasn’t even tried to stay up past the sun since they started training. And even before then, it was rarely successful.

“I don’t know. How long do you think you can stay up?” Armin asks.

“How should I know?”

“Do you feel tired?” Armin asks, as though it’s the obvious gauge. Eren shrugs. ‘Tired’ is a forign concept to him.

“I don’t think his sleep works like that,” Mikasa chimes in. And yeah, titan sleep and human sleep is very different.

“I know, but sometimes you seem to pass out right away, and other nights I can at least get a response out of you for a while. There has to be some pattern.”

“So are we just assuming this is going to go late?” Eren was still hoping that it would be something quick.

“It has to be. Maybe it’s night training?” Armin seems fully sure. Well, damn.

“So what’s the plan for when Eren passes out?” Mikasa asks Armin.

“Hey, I might make it.”

“If it’s night training, he’ll probably want us up half the night. Maybe all night.” Armin gives him a sad look. Eren baulks. How can humans stay up without the sun that late? “I don’t know what to say when he passes out though. Maybe you can pretend to be sick?”

“But what about the next time? I can’t always be sick,” Eren counters.

“Grisha saw a boy once. He would fall asleep at random times and he couldn’t wake up. He said that it was narcolepsy. We can say that Eren has that?” Mikasa offers.

“I guess that will work,” Armin nods.

“That doesn’t actually help me pass the training though,” Eren grumbles. He just started competing with Mikasa and Reiner again. He doesn’t want to fall back down.

“I don’t know how to help with that,” Armin shrugs. He looks to Mikasa. She shrugs too. Damnit.

“Whatever, let’s get dinner,” Eren grumbles and walks towards the mess hall. No meat tonight and now this night training stuff has put him in a rotten mood. At least he still has an edge with sparring. 

They meet at the training grounds at 7 pm and Eren watches the blooming orange and yellow sky. Not much sunlight left.

“The world doesn’t stop with the sun, worms,” Shadis yells. Maybe not, but Eren’s world sure does. “Tonight you will be running drills in the dark. I don’t want to hear any grumbling, whining, or toe stubbing. Yes, you will be tired. No, you will not be able to see. These are exactly the reasons people will attack you at night, and this is why you need to learn to attack back,” Shadis gives his typical lecture. Eren understands. There had apparently been a few occasions where trouble cropped up at night and he woke up with a scared Armin and pissed Mikasa. But humans have the strange ability to work without the sun. Something titans lack.

“Grab a bag and follow me,” Shadis jabs a thumb towards a pile of bags. Everyone grabs one and they begin marching towards the wilderness.

“Holding up?” Armin asks him. The sun’s final rays are hitting him, and he can already feel things go fuzzy. His limbs are a bit heavier, and everything takes a bit longer to process.

“Not for long,” Eren grumbles. Mikasa looks concerned but stays quiet.

“Think we should tell Shadis, or…” Armin trails off. Mikasa shakes her head.

“Let’s give him a chance,” she says and that gives Eren a bit of hope. A chance. The world around them dims and it becomes harder to make out their surroundings. Eren blinks, trying to adjust. The world is dark and his mind is blurry. He stumbles over rocks and logs and whatever the hell else is on the ground.

“No stumbling! Learn to have confident, quiet steps, even if they are slower. Falling down in a fight is a great way to never get up again,” Shadis yells from somewhere ahead. Eren groans. He tries to move his feet slowly, feeling for any unsteady ground.

“Can you really not see the ground?” Armin’s voice is beside him. He can just barely make out the silhouette of the human.

“No? Can you?” Eren looks below him. It’s nothing but darkness.

“Yeah? A bit anyway. Do your eyes not adjust?” Eren sees flashes of dark blue and black in front of him. He weakly bats in front of him and swats away what he assumes is a hand. He can feel it coming. He can feel the fuzziness growing and numbing him. He looks up at the night sky.

It’s beautiful. He had never seen it before joining the humans. Never bothered to even try to stay awake past the sun. He had never known that the night hid such brilliant speckles across the night sky. It’s the last thing he can remember.

He wakes up in his cot in the barracks. Early morning sun warms him. He groans and rolls over. He’s not tired, but he really doesn’t want to face the day. There is no horn with the sun today, but Eren’s patience is too far gone to longue about for hours. So he slips out of the bunk and makes for the showers. He didn't have a chance to clean himself last night, and now he has dirt and leaves on him. He doesn’t even want to think about the social mess he left for his humans.

When the airhorn sounds a couple hours later, Shadis lets them know that the regular morning exercise will be skipped and they all need to go straight to the lecture hall. When they file into the classroom every spot has a paper and pencil on it.

“Take your seat quietly. You will have ten minutes to finish the quiz, then we will start the next lecture.” Quiz?

“Read the questions and write down the answer, to show that you paid attention yesterday.” Armin explains quickly and quietly before taking his seat and beginning. They mentioned that schools tested them, but never exactly how. Makes sense, he guesses. Eren looks at the paper. Five sentences with large spaces after each. He tries to read the first one, but a lot of the words are longer ones that he needs to sound out. When he finally unstands the question, he can drudge up the answer but now he is faced with the challenge of writing an answer. Reading is much, much easier than writing. He has to recall the right letters and right spelling. All the stupid little rules.

He’s parsing the second question when the time runs out. Everyone hands their papers forward. And glancing at them, everyone answered all the questions. Fuck. It puts a bad taste in his mouth for the rest of the lecture. He makes sure to pay better attention, but that isn’t going to help him read and write better.

Luckily after lunch they go back to sparring. Eren gets paired with Reiner, which he is thankful for. Reiner is both huge and powerful. Eren doesn’t feel bad taking out his frustrations fighting him. He doesn’t even try to stick to the moves they learned that day. He uses a few but mostly he uses the techniques he honed personally against other titans.

“Maria Eren, where did you learn to fight?” Reiner gawks after a firm palm to his chest. He hunches over and collects himself. And as much as Eren wants to keep beating his fists against something, he gives Reiner a moment to collect himself.

“Seriously, I don’t want to get paired with him,” Connie mutters. Everyone else is stopped, watching Eren fight. Not even Shadis is complaining. He's just giving Eren a firm, thoughtful stare. Bernholdt and Reiner are muttering together.

“Hey, turns out I got off easy,” Sasha laughs. No one else joins her. Everyone is watching him with a mix of awe or fear. What does he say? Is his level really that odd?

“Alright worms, since you tuckered yourself out sparring, it’s time to test your balance,” thankfully Shadis moves things alone. He needs to get it together. The only thing he is doing good in, he is too good at. “You all have been learning about the OMD gear, let’s see if you can use that knowledge.” Everyone mutters excitedly and Eren is forgotten. Even Eren has forgotten about his failures. They are going to start their OMD gear training. How soldiers fly. Probably the single best part of the job. Well, besides not starving anyway.

Shadis leads them to a weird metal frame. From a nearby chest he pulls out a mess of straps and buckles before plopping it down on the dirt.

“Team exercise. I want this mess untangled and every cadet in their harness in the next five minutes,” Shadis yells. Lazy fuck probably just doesn’t want to untangle them himself. Armin, Mikasa, and Reiner descend on the pile, with a few others wandering after them. Eren huffs and stays back. Too many hands is bound to make things harder. And after some yelling and arguing, people begin walking away with freed harnesses.

“I got one for you,” Armin throws Eren one. Bless his heart, he’s too kind. Eren looks it over, trying to connect it to the chalkboard drawings. And after seeing how Armin puts it on, it’s easy enough to follow suit. Shadis, seeing the cadets finishing up with their harnesses, walks to the metal frame. “Balance is fundamental to OMD gear. Some people have it, some people don’t. Here we will test if you have this fundamental skill. Ackerman, front and center,” Shadis beacons Mikasa up first. She obliges, stepping into the metal frame. Shadis connects some loose wires to her harness, and turns a crank on the frame. Slowly, the wires go taunt and eventually Mikasa raises. Her arms spread slightly, her knees bend gracefully, and there she is, hovering in the air.

“Cadet Ackerman is showing the level of balance needed for the gear,” Shadis points out details of her posture that her body instinctively moved to. After a minute he lowers her and calls on a volunteer. Reiner does almost as well, though wobbling slightly at first. Christa stumbles and flops on her first try, but after Ymir cheers her on she keeps her balance the second time.

When it comes to Eren's turn, he’s excited. Everyone was excited, they are finally going to learn to fly. And thus far no one has really failed. At worst they just need a few tries, which Shadis doesn’t seem opposed to.

Shadis connects the wires, turns the crank, and slowly Eren feels himself get lighter and lighter until finally his feet leave the ground.

And his head slams into it. It happens so fast, one moment he is being raised, the next he is holding his head and shaking off a ringing in his ears.

“And that is a fine demonstration of a lack of balance,” Shadis yells. He kneels by Eren and unhooks him.

“I can do it, I just need another try,” Eren argues, which is usually a bad idea with Shadis but damnit, he just needs another try.

“Not with that head injury Cadet. Consider yourself lucky that you aren’t going to spend your days drooling in a chair after that hit,” Shadis stands as soon as Eren is free.

“But-”

“Cadet, I will not hear your ‘but’s and just for that I expect twenty laps before breakfast tomorrow. Head injuries cause a loss of balance and dizziness. If you didn’t before a head injury, you won’t do it after. Get some water and sit it out in the shade. Cadet Blouse, you’re up!” Shadis summons Sasha forward. Eren grumbles but does as told. Mikasa joins him, having already proved herself.

“Are you okay?” She asks with mild concern. Of course he is. You could cave in his skull and he’d be okay.

“No. Did you see me? I instantly fell,” He groans and rubs his face.

“A lot of people fell,” and as if to prove her point they hear Connie wailing in the background.

“But not like I did.” They stumble and wobble, grab the metal frame for balance. Eren just went down.

“Maybe you just need practice,” Mikasa offers.

“This better not be a titan thing,” Eren continues his whining. The defeat of last night still stings. Speaking of which. “How did last night go? I kinda just woke up in my bunk. Anything I need to know?” Judging by Mikasa’s face it wasn’t good.

“Shadis was mad.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Eren nods. When isn’t he mad?

“I said you have narcolepsy. He seemed to believe it after he couldn’t wake you up.”

“And?”

“He was still upset. Said that isn’t an excuse,” Mikasa adds.

“Shit.” Not surprising though. Shadis doesn’t believe in coddling. He expects every cadet to meet his standard and doesn’t care for excuses.

“Everyone also laughed.”

“Oh come on,” Eren groans, looking down.

“Jean made a lot of jokes about you being a baby.”

“Fucking horse face prick.” Could it get any worse? 

As it turns out, yes. Eren’s descent from within the top four to failing continues into the next day when Shadis has them carry more sandbags into the wilderness. At least during the day this time around. Except-

Roiling, frothing, churning water. It moves fast and Walls know how deep it is. Eren holds his sand bag tighter. There is one simple fact that he knows right now. He cannot go into the water.

"Alright worms, single file. Let's go. Not a drop of water on those bags. If those bags are your gear and rations, they are the only things separating you from death," Shadis yells. Reiner goes first, throwing the sand bag over his shoulder and putting a bold leg into the water. It cuts through the water and with some wobble he starts to cross the waist high water.

Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Eren liked the exercise routine from before. But now Shadis wants them to do this new stuff. Actual soldier stuff and not just building muscle. 

Jean stumbles into the water after Reiner. The current pushes him around but he manages to stay up. Humans, for whatever insane reason, are okay with water. Armin and Mikasa used to bathe in it (he kept a respectable distance, using a bucket on the river bank) and even played in it on hot summer days. Mikasa goes next, keeping a firm grip on the bag and her footing never wavers. Connie goes, but between his height and general suckiness he quickly tumbles and is taken down stream. Eren is concerned for a moment, but the flailing limbs end up just a few meters downstream in a wider and gentler part. Connie pulls himself to the bank and aside from being wet and coughing, seems fine.

“You okay?” Armin asks. Eren gives him a weak smile that is probably more of a grimace. At this point it was just the two of them. Sasha was wading through the water and Eren was running out of time.

“Stop squawking and get in the damn water!” Shadis screams. After a moment Armin moves to the river side and puts a tentative leg in. He staggers in and makes it halfway through before he loses his footing. Then he’s just a blonde and pasty blurr until he is pulling himself out of the water.

Right, he can do this. He has to. He’ll cross, and if he falls then he’ll just flow downstream and get out. Easy. Nothing to be afraid of. The water can’t hurt him. His titan instincts are screaming no,turn back, danger but the humans are fine so he has to be fine.

“Cadet, if you don’t get in that water right now, I will personally throw you in!” Right, he just has to step in. Eren figures it’s best not to overthink it, so he pushes his instincts down and plants a foot in the water. It’s only shin high, but nothing bad yet. He puts his other foot further in, and suddenly it’s up to his knees. His world seems to spin a bit and Shadis is yelling something. But the sooner he gets this over, the better. He pushes his leg through the water- Walls, it’s so much harder to move- and soon he is solidly thigh deep. He lost the sandbag somewhere along the way, maybe that is what Shadis is yelling about but he can’t hear anything over the blood in his ears. The world is sideways and suddenly everything is cold and wet and his body is flying in such a wrong way oh Maria make it stop-

“Get back, all of you!”

“Is he breathing?”

“Oh shit, Eren, are you okay?”

A hard, firm force hits him hard on his back. And again, and again. An arm in keeping his chest up but his head down and hey, he’s not in the water anymore. But the water is in him and it’s like blood in his lungs but so much worse.

“Damnit Cadet, spit it up,” Shadis is yelling right behind him. It’s his fist banging into his back and finally something moves inside his chest. He heaves forward and water spills loose from his lips.

“Ew, that’s nasty,” Connie mutters from the sidelines. Everyone is around him, staring.

“Don’t be like that! He could have died,” Christa squeeks. He messed up, everyone is staring. But they look worried so at least his cover isn’t entirely blown. Shadis leaves him to spit up water and cough. 

“Lunch time. Let him work it out on his own,” the drill sergeant ushers everyone away.  Mikasa and Armin stay back and Shadis doesn’t complain. Eren pulls his knees to his chest, trying to regain control of his breathing. Shadis gives him a hard look. “I don’t know what is wrong with you boy, but I want you to work it out by the end of the week. Go to the shallow part and figure out how to swim. I’m going to expect twice the work from you once you get it. And I expect you to stay up for night training next time,” Shadis explains before following the rest of the cadets, leaving the trio alone.

“Can you swim?” Mikasa eventually asks. Eren shakes his head violently. He never tried before, but clearly the answer is no.

“What happened?” Armin asks. Eren shrugs. His throat is still rough and sore. He doesn’t want to talk and he doesn’t want to be near that damn water anymore. So he stands and stumbles after the rest of the cadets. What a miserable experience.

After lunch it's horseback riding, which turns out to be miserable in a different way.

"When you have a titan chasing your ass, your only way of escape is your mount. Our horses are a special breed to be fast, enduring, and brave. Learn to be comfortable on them, worms, because if they buck you, you're titan chow. So pick a good one and introduce yourself." The stables are full of horses. They are massive and the entire room smells like grass and horse. The rest of the cadets walk by the stalls, inspecting the huge beasts.

"I didn't realize your mom was here, Jean," Eren says idly because he really just can't help himself.

"Oh fuck off. At least I can handle a meter of water."

"Jean, he could have died," Christa stands up for him.

"So Eren can drown, Jean can be trampled by a horse, and we can all get some peace," Ymir groans. The banter continues but Eren opts to focus on picking a horse. He's really not sure what to look for. They all seem big, strong, and are eyeing him wearily. He approaches a hulking gray horse. Everyone else is just walking up and petting them, so there doesn't seem to be a trick to it.

Eren walks up but the horse backs away and nickers. He looks around and everyone else is doing fine. That's a normal horse sound, right? He starts walking again and the gray mare rears up.

"Oi, stupid horse. Let me pet you," Eren bitches and reaches towards the flighty thing.

It screeches and rears up on its hind legs. Just like with the horse breeder all those years ago, it starts kicking and bucking, rattling the entire barn.

"Easy, easy," Shadis is there, calming the beast and shoving Eren away. After it calms enough to not knock a hole in the stables, Shadis is back to glaring at Eren. Everyone is staring at him, again. “What did you do?”

“Nothing! I just walked up to it,” Eren defends himself. Everyone is staring. Can they see that he isn’t human? What is he doing wrong?

“Walk up to her slowly, speak soft and low, and no sudden movement,” Shadis points to a brown mare. Eren does so, slowly, muttering nice things. It doesn’t help. As soon as he gets within a meter she whinnies and turns, looking for an escape. Eren stops in his advances. He did everything right.

“What in the hell is wrong with you, boy?” Shadis looks genuinely perplexed as well. His fellow cadets are murmuring with a mixture of confusion, worry, and humor (Jean, the fucker). “These are retired war horses. The only thing they are afraid of are titans, so how in the hell you are spooking them is beyond me.” Titans. They are afraid of titans. Forget the humans, all the horses are looking at him. Ears backs, heads down, nostrils flaring. Smelling him. The horses know he is a titan. The horses are trained to keep their distance from titans, to be weary of them.

They systematically go through every damn horse in the stables and not a single one is willing to let Eren touch them.

“Kid, I don’t know what to tell you. They must smell something on you or something. Hit the showers and come back. Everyone else, grab a saddle.” And for the third time ub 24 hours everyone else continues with training while Eren is left behind. He goes to the showers and scrubs himself raw, trying to wash away his titan nature. Walls, he wish he was just a human. That he could just do this stuff like a normal human. He wouldn’t even have to leave, he could stay in the walls forever. 

When he returns to the stable, scrubbed clean five times over, Shadis leads him to a bay gelding, supposedly the calmest horse of them all. But as Eren approaches, the horse flares its nostrils and knickers warningly. It’s no good. Of course it isn’t. It’s not like he was rolling in anything. He is the source of the offending smell, and he can’t wash his nature away. Shadis presses his lips together in a thin line.

“In all my years, I have never seen this.” Shadis isn’t yelling, he’s talking with sympathy and calmness. That’s how Eren knows this is really bad. “I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t want to fail you, this isn’t your fault. But I can’t say that you can ride a horse. Sorry kid. If you deal with your sleep thing and learn to swim, maybe the Garrison will overlook this.”

“I don’t want to join the Garrison. I need to join the Scouts.” The Garrison. They never leave. Never had Eren ever seen a brown cloak leave. Shadis gives him an incredulous look.

“That’s isn’t happening. Horseback riding is vital to them. If you can’t maneuver on a horse, you are as good as titan food. They’d never take you.” Fuck. So he needs to get one of these beasts to ride him? That doesn’t seem likely. “Sorry kid. You had a lot of potential, and you can fight like a beast. But maybe you should think about a different career choice.” Shadis offer. His voice is too soft, too sympathetic. Like he’s given up training Eren, on Eren being soldier material. No. No, no, no. He can’t fail training. If he fails, then there’s no other way out. He needs to join the scouts. Otherwise it’s just a matter of time until he is discovered.

“Sorry kid,” Shadis offers before leaving him for the rest of the cadets. They are all planted on the back of horses doing laps at various speeds. Shadis didn't tell him what to do in the meantime. Like the OMD training. Like the water training. He's failing. He can't meet these human standards. Like a round peg in a square hole.

He's in the little shady nook behind the barracks when Mikasa and Armin join him.

"More titan stuff?" Mikasa asks as she sits down next to him.

"Pretty sure the horses can smell me. What I am." Damn horses. They are use to running around titans. Why are they so upset about one riding them? Stupid horses.

"Maybe you can give them treats? So they warm up to you," Armin suggests. Eren throws his head back, looking up at the sky.

"What about the water? And the night training? And the damn quizzes," Eren lists off all his failures. Which ends up being most topics. "I'm going to fail at this rate. Shadis says that there's no way I'm joining the Scouts. Doesn’t even think I can graduate at all at this rate. What are we going to do? I can't stay in here, but the Scouts are the only way out." There's a heavy silence. The Scouts is his only shot, and he's losing it.

"Then you'll do better," Armin says with confidence. "Shadis is training you like a human. And that can work for some things, but maybe for other things we need to just figure out how it works for a titan."

"You really think it's that easy?" Eren would like to think so.

"We haven't even tried . There has to be something. I’ve seen you stay up later, and you made it pretty far into the water. I bet the horses can be trained. We'll just do some private training, figure it out." Armin is smiling and just a bundle of optimism. On Eren’s other side, Mikasa looks equally determined. Humans truly are amazing, how they help each other. Care for each other. Eren truly made the right decision to value and protect them.

"Yeah, okay. Let's try to figure it out," Eren nods. They'll just need to do some troubleshooting.

Chapter Text

"So, you can't swim, horses don't like you, you can't stay up late, and you can't balance in the ODM gear," Armin taps his chin, listing everything out. They are still in their hidden little nook behind the barracks, nice and private.

"When you put it like that, it makes it seem like I'm failing everything," Eren grumbles.

"Not everything. You are good at sparring. And at least not handicapped in the classroom," Mikasa offers.

"Uh, yeah…. About the classes. I'm not doing great in that either," Eren confesses.

"What? Why not?" Armin seems almost offended.

"It took too long to read and write on the quiz. I'm not as fast as the others," Eren hates to admit it.

"Right, that makes sense. You never got the chance to really practice reading and writing like we did. Okay, so… pretty much everything." Armin concedes. Eren groans. "We just need to look at it one at a time. The classroom is easy, you just need to practice. We can do that while we eat."

"We can train a horse to be comfortable around you. It'll take more time but the horses are bred to be trainable," Mikasa adds. "We can go to the stables after dinner. Get them used to you, offer treats."

"We can test when exactly you lose your balance with the water and the ODM. Maybe there are tricks we can figure out," Armin adds. "And I know sometimes you can stay up later. We just need to know why." Eren ponders it. He always gets groggy and fuzzy without the sun, but sometimes the fuzziness does stay in the corners of his mind for a while.

"How long did you guys stay up during night training? Was it really all night?" Eren can't picture staying up that late. Thankfully Mikasa shakes her head.

"Only a few hours." Okay, that's more doable.

"You get your energy from the sun, right?" Armin asks.

"Well yeah, where else would I get it from?" Seems pretty obvious.

"Food, maybe? That's where we get our energy from. And you have been able to stay up a little bit better since you started hunting with Sasha," Armin points out. He hasn't thought about it much but it doesn't ring true. Sun goes down and he wants to sleep, just the same as always.

"I don't think so. I'm still in bed at sunset. You guys just harass me so I don't fall asleep as fast." His humans have a habit of poking him and chatting with him when he tries to sleep. It's retaliation for how he always drags them out of bed at the crack of dawn and something they've always done. But his humans have been much more persistent lately.

"Yeah, that's what I mean. We can keep you awake. Before, when you didn't eat, you just passed out. Dead to the world, like a coma." Okay, that tracks. Maybe his humans aren't being more persistent, maybe he's just more susceptible.

"You didn't get the chance to eat before night training either," Mikasa points out. It adds up.

"So, let's see if you stay up longer with food. I also have a theory about the moon," Armin's eyes twinkle in that way when he has ideas he wants to explore. "The moon doesn't produce its own light, it reflects the sunlight. So maybe you can stay up on full moons because there's some sunlight available."

"I don't think Shadis will let us pick and choose when we do night training," Mikasa interjects.

"Hell no, but it would still be good to know." Eren likes this plan. It was never an issue before because all titans slept at night. But now he'd like the option to stay up, since humans can be active then. He doesn't want to miss out on all the night time human stuff, whatever that may be. But apparently that's when the fun stuff really happens.

"Right, so we just need to figure things out. Come on, let's get dinner. We can practice your reading and writing," Armin stands. Eren groans. Why do they have to start with the most boring thing?

-

The moon is only a crescent and Eren hasn't eaten for two days. So when the sun rays start to leave him, he's crawling for his bed.

"Eren, shouldn't we play cards a bit before bed?" Armin asks, pulling out his well used deck of cards. Eren blinks, trying to make sense of it through the fuzz. The barracks are full and they can't exactly talk openly about their special training. Eren really, really doesn't want to play cards. He just wants to sleep. But Mikasa gives him a firm look and he reminds himself that his life depends on learning to act like a human. And humans stay up after dark.

"Fine," he sits on his bed and takes his hand of cards. His eyes droop and he tries to remember the rules and what the cards mean. 

"I got a meld," Mikasa smiles as she lays down some cards. Eren tries to think of what a meld is or what anything is, really. But the sun is entirely gone and his mind is all mixed up.

"Go fish?" He mutters. His humans shoot him confused looks. Wrong thing to say?

"Eren, are you alright?" Armin asks. Blue eyes are swimming with concern. Is he alright?

He wakes up in his bunk, early morning light hitting his skin. Well, last night was a failure. He sits up and inspects the quiet barracks. The humans are all peacefully asleep despite the morning sun filling the room. It's so unfair. Eren can't stay up late and he gets shit for it. But he can wake up fully alert with the sun, every day, no horn needed but no one cares. Maybe humans have the wrong sleep pattern and titans got it right.

The horn sounds, everyone groans but gets up. Stupid humans and their stupid sleep.

"Did little baby stay up past his beddy-bye time last night?" Jean's stupid horse face looks over at Eren and baby talks him. That's it. Eren is in no mood, not today.

Eren lunges towards horse face, and slams his fist right into the fucker's cheek. Jean retaliates by grabbing Eren's shirt and going for a sucker punch.

"Eren, no!" Armin screams.

"It is too early for this shit," Reiner yells from his bed.

"Fight!" Connie seems giddy at the spectacle. Eren and Jean fall to the floor in a violent embrace. This isn't a spar, this is a sloppy fist fight where they roll around and take cheap shots. Eren can't help but rumble fight me, I'm stronger, you're weak .

"Knock it off!" Reiner bellows from above them. He grabs Eren and throws him against an empty bed. Jean scrambles up and wipes some blood from his face. Eren smirks. The smell of spilled blood gives him an entirely different sense of pleasure here. Fucker had it coming.

"He started it!" Jean points the finger of blame at Eren.

"He was shit talking me!"

"Jean, stop shit talking Eren at 6 in the damn morning . Eren, learn to walk away. Walls, are you guys sure you're old enough to enlist," Reiner barks at them. He clearly doesn't like a messy brawl as an alarm clock.

They start to get ready in earnest and soon they are doing their regular routine. Laps and light exercise in the morning. A quick breakfast, then off to the lecture hall. Eren manages to do better on the quiz, mostly because Armin focused on teaching him relevant words yesterday. He still doesn't finish the quiz, but at least he answers half the questions.

He has less luck in the afternoon, when they practice ODM gear. Everyone is improving. Christa stays up on her first attempt, and after a couple tries Connie stays upright too.

"Eren, you're up!" Shadis yells. Eren had already put on his harness, ready to go. Last time he fell instantly. But he only got one shot, he was just unlucky. He has the balance, he knows he does. He has to have it.

He bounds up into the metal frame and gets hooked in. The crank turns, the frame clicks as the mechanisms inside lifts him up. He's getting lighter and lighter until his feet leave the ground.

He manages to catch himself, but only just. His forearm slams into the ground, sparing his face and head. His body finishes hitting the ground as Shadis lowers him.

"Again!" Eren demands and Shadis allows it.

"You can do it Eren!" Christa yells from the side lines, also a bundle of smiles. He's lifted again, and again he falls.

"Again!" Eren yells again. He has to get this. ODM gear is a core skill. He doesn't graduate unless he's proficient in it.

"No. You don't have the balance, cadet. You're only going to hurt yourself," Shadis' voice is firm but with an edge of sympathy.

"Damnit, just let me-"

"Cadet, I will not have you speak back to me. Just for that, I want the entire class to drop and give me fifty crunches!"

"Oh fuck you, Eren."

"Jerk." 

His fellow cadets boo him as they all drop and begin their crunches. Shadis pulls Eren aside.

"I think you should leave the cadet corp." Shadis doesn't mince words. Eren winces.

"I can do it, I just need practice." Eren fires back. He can't give up. This is his only way out.

"You can't learn the balance needed for ODM gear. And the horses don't accept you. You can't make them. You have good fighting skills, I'm sure you can find good work with them. But the military isn't for you." Shadis' eyes are soft and apologetic. Eren hates them.

"I'm working on it. All of it. Give me a month. If I haven't improved in a month, I'll leave." Eren is practically pleading. There's a tense silence for a moment, then-

"You have a month. But I expect you to be gone the day it ends." Shadis cracks with a heavy sigh. Eren beams.

" If I don't get better, I'll leave. But I will improve." Eren corrects him. Shadis just shakes his head and returns to the group. They finish their practice and then Shadis leads them out to the wilds around the base. They go over survival training, making a fire, finding edible plants and water, shelter. All the while Eren is just waiting to see how he fucks it up, what new way his titan nature will screw him over. But Eren is actually good at it. Better than most of the other cadets even, since once he learns the scent of what he's looking for, he can pick them out easily.

When Shadis declares the lesson done and the day over, Sasha is bounding over to Eren.

"Not today," he has to reject her. She instantly starts to pout. "I gotta work on my ODM skills."

"Yeah, you really do. Do you want me to help you out? I'm pretty good at it," Sasha offers but Eren shakes his head.

"Nah, I got Mikasa, remember? Nobody is better than Mikasa. At anything," Eren laughs a bit, turning her down. She nods, accepting her fate of beans and bread for dinner.

"Alright, but you better learn to master it. I don't think I could eat this well without your tracking skills. So don't get kicked out any time soon," she gives him a playful shove.

"Shadis is going to have to drag my body out if he wants me gone," Eren bristles at the thought of failure. Sasha just rolls her eyes and wishes him good luck before leaving.

Eren runs back to the barracks to fish his harness out of his chest while his humans grab dinner to go. After thirty minutes they all reconvene at the metal frame used for ODM practice. Everyone is gone, eating and lounging for the evening so they at least have privacy.

Just like before, as soon as Eren's weight is off his feet, he falls face first into the dirt.

"Ah, fuck," he hisses as he wipes blood and dirt off his face. His nose is broken and bleeding freely. With a wince and sickening crunch it fixes itself and begins emitting more steam than blood.

"We're really lucky that didn't happen in front of the rest of the class," Armin shivers. And yeah, he's right. His injuries thus far have been internal.

"All the more reason we gotta figure this out as soon as possible," Eren says.

"Let me have your harness. Maybe if you watch me, it'll help. Or Armin will see something," Mikasa suggests. Eren does so, handing off his harness to the girl. She straps it on like it always belonged on her. Then they hook her up to the frame and she begins to raise. Her body twists and coils, adjusting her center of balance perfectly.

But she still falls face first into the dirt. 

"Shit, you okay?" Eren is by her side and Armin is helping her up. Her lip is split and bleeding a respectable amount.

"I'm fine," she growls. She hates being fussed over, something Eren understands. So he gives her space as she holds a rag to her lip to stem the bleeding. Luckily it doesn't look all that bad.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to get my harness," Armin says before dashing to the barracks. Eren licks his lip, trying not to get his hopes up. But if Mikasa- top of the class by a mile, Mikasa- fell then he never had a shot in that harness.

Armin returns holding his bundle of straps.

"Give it a try, Eren," Mikasa urges. Eren doesn't need to be told twice. He wiggles into Armin's harness and goes to the frame. His blonde friend slowly cranks it. Moment of truth. Do titans really just have bad balance, or did he just have bad luck with picking a harness?

Weight leaves him, his feet lose the ground. He feels his body start to sway forward and instinctively he leans back. But something new happens. A wire goes tight and he actually does correct himself. He feels his body drift right, gravity tugging him down, but again he corrects himself. He wobbles a bit, sure, but he stays up.

He rumbles victory, I'm strong, success, happy even though it feels so weird for his rumbles to not be able to go into the ground. 

"I can't believe it was that easy!" Eren throws his hands up. He again wobbles but again stays upright. That's more than half his class could say 

"Congratulations Eren," Mikasa says with a soft smile.

"Let's hope the rest of it is this easy." Armin adds in as he lowers Eren. Eren trots to Mikasa.

"Can I have my harness back?"

"Sure," she replies, a bit confused. But she takes it off and gives it to him. Eren flings it as far and hard into the shrubbery around them as he can.

"Fuck that thing," he smirks.

"Eren! That's not really yours. And maybe they could have fixed it." Armin, always the good kid.

"It's no one's now, and it can rot under the sun for all I care. Come on, they probably have extras in that chest," Eren walks over to the chest that originally contained them. He plucks out a new one to call his own. And this time when he straps himself into the new gear, he stays upright. Fuck yeah. And Shadis was about to kick him out!

They break for dinner, jolly from a problem easily solved. Until, at least, Armin slams down paper and pen in front of Eren.

"Oh, Maria no. Please…" Eren groans. It's just so boring .

"Do you want to fail out of the cadet corp?" Mikasa rolls her eyes at him.

"No..." Eren sulks. He grabs the pen and blank paper.

"Expulsion of the ODM hook happens through the rapid opening of the gas tank valve," Armin reads off from his notes, just a bit slower than his typical cadence. Eren writes down the sentence as fast as he can, trying his best to keep up. Forcing his mind to process the spoken words into letters. The pace that Armin reads at is brutally fast, but still keeping just within Eren's ability. It's mentally straining but is pretty effective at getting him more fluent in reading and writing.

When they make it back to the barracks, Eren passes out as soon as the last sun rays leave him.

-

The next day it’s back to the stables. Already the horses seem to be in a bitchy mood. Eren might have come to love humans, but he hates horses. 

“I want your horses saddles and you on their backs in five minutes. Go!” Shadis shouts and the entire class scurries to grab tack. Eren walks towards a dark brown gelding, but it stamps its hooves in warning when he ever starts to get close. Eren stalls, unsure of what to do now, until Stadis make’s eye contact with him.

“Cadet Eren, go run drills while we train with the horses,” Shadis brushes him aside. The rest of the class lead their chosen horses out into the field and Shadis follows, yelling insults and corrections to them.

It's just Eren and a handful of horses. Most of them are gone, taken by the other cadets. Shadis told him to practice drills, but fuck that. He needs to get one of these horses to let him ride it. He can't join the Garrison, he needs to join the Scouts and they won't take anyone who isn't proficient in horseback riding.

He looks over the ones left. He's going to need to focus his attention on just one but he still has no idea what to look for. They all seem the same to him so he picks a gray mare that doesn't look entirely distraught. He begins to walk towards her. She knickers and backs up. He stays put. He doesn't want to spook her. He'll stay until she seems to be comfortable enough for him to get closer.

"It's okay, girl. I know I smell funny but I won't hurt you," he mutters softly. Not that it can understand him, but apparently horses feel reassured by human voices. And he might not smell human, but at least he sounds like a human.

After a few minutes the horse’s ears go from flat to forward. She still watches him closely, but he takes it as an opportunity to take another step. She snorts and Eren digs around in his bag. He pulls out an apple and that gets her attention.

"Yeah, you want this, huh? But you'll need me to get close to you." Eren toes closer. The horse is tense but interested. Another step. A weary knicker. When he's within a meter he carefully reaches out his hands, apple included. The horse stares him down with large eyes. Her nostrils flare, and he can practically see her doing the horse math. Getting close to a titan versus getting an apple. Apple wins. She reaches out and takes the fruit, munching happily.

Eren tries to go in for a pet but nope. The horse turns and screams at him, and though he doesn't know horse, he gets the message. Fuck off . Fine, but he isn't going anywhere. He stands in place, staring her down until the rest of the cadets get back. Even as the cadets bring in their horses and chatter about the exercise, Eren just watches the gray mare and she watches him right back.

-

"What happens when you kids are out playing soldiers and one of you gets a scraped knee? You can't call for your mommies. You gotta fix your injuries, or your comrades' injuries, yourself. Today, we will cover first aid." Shadis yells out the topic of the class. It makes Eren weary. The smell of human blood, especially when paired with fear, still tugs at his titan instincts. At this point it's easy enough to control at least. The real danger is if he gets injured. If he gets injured, his body will mend itself before anyone can finish first aid. And that would be hard to explain.

"First up, lacerations." Shadis pulls out some bandages and demonstrates the proper technique on his arm. Hold up, apply pressure, wrap tight. He yells at all of them to do the same. Right. Guess they don't need to actually have an injury to practice applying a bandage. It'd be kinda cruel to give the cadets an injury just for practice.

Eren wraps the cloth tight around his arm. Shadis inspects it and passes him with a gentle nod. No titan bullshit sabotaging him. It’s a nice change of pace. They go through a few other skills and eventually Eren is paired up with Connie to practice working on a fallen comrade.

"As cadet Eren so kindly helped me demonstrate, if you recover someone who drowned and isn't breathing, but still has a pulse, they most likely have water in their lungs. You need to tilt the chest down and hit their upper back to dislodge the water.

Eren lays on the ground, letting Connie heave him up to a sitting position.

"Damn, you're hot," Connie muses.

"Why Connie, I didn't think you felt that way about me. I'm flattered."

"Oh shut up," Connie rolls his eyes and whacks Eren on his back. A gust of breath is forced out of him but Shadis is still eager to point out all the wrong stuff Connie is doing.

"Besides, you know I'm a lady's man," Connie waggles his eyebrows after Shadis moves on. They change places and now it's the smaller cadet laying on the ground. Eren snorts.

"I know that you think that."

"Hey, it's tr-ooooh." Connie gets cut off as Eren's palm slams into his back. He begins coughing and sputtering. Eren remembers this part well enough. He was on the receiving end of it not too long ago. Shadis again gives him a simple nod of approval before moving to the next group.

"Speaking of which, you and Sasha, eh? EH?" Connie elbows him with way too many winks.

"Pft, no." Eren laughs.

"Wait, what? But you two are always sneaking off together." Ah, that does make sense. Ymir and Christa sneak off a lot too, and they are not hunting rabbits. Still, why do humans have to be so gossipy about it?

"It's not like that."

"Then what is it?" Connie seems almost offended.

"Hunting," Eren leans in close.

"Like, hunting animals?"

"Yeah. Easy meat," Eren nods. He has never before eaten so regularly. And it might not be real meat, but it's good enough to keep down and build muscle with. Also, the taste is worth it too.

"You two should get together, you're both meat crazy." Connie rolls his eyes. "Really, why don't you two get together? Is she not into you?" Eren shrugs. He doesn't really know what to say. He never thought about it. Never thought of getting together with anyone.

"I'm just not interested. I don't think she is either." 

"Wait, are you, uh, you know?..." Connie waves his arms around like it’s supposed to mean something. Eren looks at him like he's the idiot that he is. "Not into women?" Connie eventually finishes. And yeah, he isn't really into any of that. Men or women. Sometimes he's woken up stiff but he's never even had the urge to tug one out. It always just goes away on its own.

"Nope," Eren answers truthfully. Connie's eyes go wide.

"That's cool. I'm not, you know, against that stuff. You just didn't seem like the type. Not that there is a type, I mean!" Connie becomes a blathering mess. Clearly Eren said the wrong thing but he isn't exactly sure why or what. Is not wanting to fuck women really that weird? He'll have to ask Armin about it later.

"Stop your gossiping and give me a hundred push-ups," Shadis charges at them. Looks like Connie got a bit too loud. It's a good excuse to end the conversation before Eren says something else wrong.

-

“The trail is fresh,” Eren smells it, potent and acrid. A fresh hog trail.

“What, really?” Sasha gasps and clutches her bow. She managed to get one just for this purpose. It’s time.

“Yeah, that way, to the east,” Eren starts to lead them in the direction. Sasha follows, they both move carefully through the brush. Silently, with precise steps. They cannot let that sucker run away from them. When Eren gets a face full of heavy hog smell, he lifts his hand to silently signal Sasha to stop. Then he points to the location and she moves ahead of him, graceful and lethal. She spots the hog and her eyes narrow. She knocks the bow, takes aim, and then there’s a high pitched squeal.

The bushes rustle, the hog charges. Sasha nocks and fires another arrow, so much faster but just as deadly. Two, three arrows and then the bushes go silent.

“Got him!” Sasha woops and hops over to the hog. She works fast with her blade as well, finishing the beast and begins dressing it. “Can you start a fire?”

“Happily.” Eren begins the process of collecting wood and tinder.

“Oh man, I’m so excited to get this guy in my mouth. Oh, he’s got a good amount of fat too,” Sasha is gushing over the meat. Eren is also getting worked up over the smell of fresh meat. It’s still not real meat, but he’s found that pork is the closest thing to it. His mouth is actually watering.

“I haven’t had pork in years,” Eren groans. Sasha puts a couple of cuts over the fire. “Could you put a few more on? For Mikasa and Armin?” Eren asks. After all, they have plenty.

“I wish I had friends like that. Close enough to share meat,” Sasha sighs as she puts more cuts on.

“You could share with the other cadets,” Eren offers.

“No, it’s ours.” She practically growls. Eren snickers. Honorary titan indeed. As the cuts finish cooking they feast, filling their bellies with so much meat they couldn’t even hope to eat the plant-based gruel served in the mess hall. Eren packs away a generous amount for his humans. The sun is beginning to get low and he’ll need to return soon.

“You’ll be fine out here, right?” He asks Sasha. She’s carefully gathering wood, judging each piece intently.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I’ll need a few hours at least to smoke this,” Sasha waves him away. Eren happily trots back to the base, sniffing out Armin and Mikasa easily. They are in the mess hall, chatting with the other cadets.

“So, anyway, I says to him, I says-” Floch is telling some inane story

“Come on, I got something for you two,” Eren literally pulls his humans out of their seats and towards the exit.

“Ow, Eren!” Armin whines.

“Bye, I guess!” Marco calls after them. Eren pulls them to the first isolated spot he finds before pulling out the meat. They both gasp and Eren grins.

“Eat up.” He offers it to them. They both grab chunks and pop them into their mouths.

“This tastes amazing,” Mikasa sighs. Armin can’t bother saying another over the second piece he grabs.

“Got plenty of it. Sasha is smoking the rest right now.”

“Eren, have I told you that I love you recently.” Armin gushes happily.

“No, but I know it,” Eren beams. There is something so satisfying about sharing his fortune with his humans. It is never like that with titans. It’s either a fight or a weary alliance. But there’s never this rush of pride and warmth to share with them.

“Hey, is it bad if a man doesn’t want to have sex with a woman?” Eren asks, thinking back to his conversation with Connie. Mikasa freezes and Armin almost chokes on his bite.

“This sounds like guy talk,” Mikasa decides. She takes a generous amount of the meat before disappearing. Armin is blustering and red.

“No? I mean, it’s not normal. What I mean is, most guys do, but it’s not bad to not. Why?” Armin is getting flustered, even worse than Connie did.

“Connie was asking me about it. I said that I didn’t like women and he kinda freaked out. Is this a problem we gotta fix?” Eren doesn’t want to chase down Connie and try to sell him some bullshit excuse.

“That’s exactly what you said? That you don’t like women?” Armin presses. Eren nods. “Okay, so he probably thinks that you’re gay then.”

“What? Just because I don’t like women, I gotta like men?” Eren doesn’t understand humans or their social logic.

“You’re a, you know. So it’s not weird that you don’t like humans like that. But most humans want to, you know… Do that stuff with somebody,” Armin explains, albeit poorly.

“So what should we do?” Eren asks.

“Could you just let them think you’re gay?” Armin suggests and Eren sneers at the idea. He knows how sex works, and it seems disgusting and unpleasent. “You won’t have to do anything, just tell them that you like men. It’ll be more understandable than you being asexual.”

“What if someone wants to have sex with me then? Oh walls, what if Jean comes onto me!” The thought is enough to make Eren shudder.

“Okay, I don’t think Jean would ever want that. People usually have to like each other to want to do it. Secondly, you don’t have to do it with anyone. You can just say no. Tell them ’you’re not my type’ or ‘I don’t think of you like that’.” Armin assures him and that sounds reasonable. He can say that he likes men, as long as no one expects him to actually do anything about it.

“Human mating is so convoluted. Why don’t you guys just lay eggs, like titans?” Honestly, it’s all so much simpler with titans. Everything is. But Armin shakes his head.

“Titans don’t love, but humans do. We want to meet someone special, and go through life with them. Be partners, have a family with them. And do that stuff too. It’s about having that love and bond with someone, but just having kids or the, you know. Sex.” Armin starts eating again, deciding that he’s explained enough.

Eren stays up into the night thinking about it in his bunk. He does Mikasa and Armin, but they both are lacking in certain ways. Not that he would ever hold it against them, but he tries to imagine what a lover for him would look like. He would have to be strong. Probably one of the strongest humanity has to offer, to keep up with Eren. Not afraid to fight, or butt heads. A foul mouth, ready to verbally or physically put Eren in his place. Not too loud though, otherwise they’d be constantly yelling over each other. Introverted enough to not be dragging Eren around other humans all the time, risking him being discovered. A strong, foul mouthed guy who knows how to put Eren in his place. He wonders if he ever meets such a person, if he would get sexual feelings for them.

Not that it’ll ever happen. Eren will join the Scouts in under three years, then he’ll be back to watching the humans from the outside.

-

Running, white, churning, violent water. The same stream that tried to drown Eren last time, flooded his lungs with water. But this time they are alone, no Shadis or other cadets.

“You made it pretty far last time. What exactly happened?” Armin asks.

“I don’t know. I got dizzy, I guess.” 

“Why don’t you try stepping into the water and describing what you feel,” Armin encourages. Eren shoots him a dirty glare. He does not want to go into the damn thing again. “If we don’t figure this out, Shadis won’t let you pass.” Ah, damnit. Armin knows what strings to pull to get Eren to walk towards the roaring menace. His titan brain is screaming no, go back, danger but he is in constant danger for as long as he stays within the walls. With a sigh, he puts a foot into the water, just shin high.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Fucking peachy.”

“Eren, I can’t figure out how to help you if you don’t tell me what is happening.” Fucking Armin with this fucking logic. Eren looks down and takes stock of his body.

“I feel… bad. Like there’s a voice in my head screaming danger .”

“But you don’t feel like you are going to fall over?”

“Nope.”

“Alright, go a few more steps in, until you start to feel dizzy,” Armin presses on. Eren groans and forces his legs through the water. Again the water puts up unnaturally hard resistance. He’s knee deep when he hears the ringing in his ears and he has a hard time keeping tabs with what way is up.

“This is bad. I feel bad.” Eren comments. He can hear Armin’s voice but between his scrambled brain and ringing ears he really can’t understand what he’s saying. Instead he focuses on staying upright.

“I can’t hear. I can’t think. World spinning.” Eren shoots out his experience with disjointed words. Armin is still talking but Eren has no hope of understanding. Warmth is behind him, his world tilts. He’s being dragged.

“Are you okay?” Armin asks. His and Mikasa’s faces hover over him. He’s laying on the river bank, free from the vile fluid. Mikasa must have dragged him out, bless her.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.” Eren sits up. His world isn’t spinning anymore. The ringing is gone. “I don’t want to go into the water anymore.”

“Well, did you come up with anything?” Mikasa probes Armin. She doesn’t seem happy about putting Eren through that either.

“So water disorinates him. It happens when both of his feet are in. It doesn’t have to be deep and staying still doesn’t help. Hm. Let me think about it,” Armin ponders.

“Sure. But I’m not getting in the water again.” Eren stands and begins to walk away. They can get lunch now and get far away from the damn stream.

When the afternoon comes, Eren insists that he gets another try with the ODM gear. And despite Shadis’ skepticism, when he is lifted up, he stays up.

A week later, he’s riding a gray mare alongside the rest of the cadets.

He never does cross the river, but Shadis assures him that he won’t fail him just for that.

-

“Back from your make out session?” Jean snickers when Sasha joins the rest of them for dinner. Naturally Eren and his friends aren’t around, they always eat later.

“You’re such a pervert,” Sasha scoffs but carefully neither confirms nor denies.

“I heard a rumor about you and Eren,” Connie leans in with his shit eating grin. Sasha rolls her eyes and shovels lentils into her mouth. When she and Eren started to sneak off to hunt, people started to make their own conclusions. Not that Sasha is interested in Eren like that- dude is way too intense for her- but the obvious assumption makes for a good cover. Shadis probably would be pissed to learn that they are hunting without permission.

“Everyone already knows, Connie. Doesn’t take a genius,” Ymir rolls her eyes.

“No, I heard that it’s not what we think.” The squirt gets everyone’s attention. Oh no. Does he know? “I heard that you guys aren’t boning at all. No, you guys are hunting the wild game! Platonically.” Connie accuses with vigor.

“N-no, it’s not like that. We’re just fucking is all, I swear,” Shit, shit. Shit. If Shadis finds out that’ll be the end of it.

“Oh, I don’t think so. Because you know what else? Eren’s gay.” Connie leans back in his chair, smug. The table is quiet. Sasha can’t say she’s surprised about Eren. Dude never even looks twice at her or any girl for that matter.

“Please, don’t tell anyone. If Shadis finds out, we’ll be over,” Sasha begs.

“No, Eren isn’t gay,” Jean snorts.

“He said so himself,” Connie fires back.

“Wait, Eren told? That idiot, I’m going to kill him!” Sasha feels a rush of betrayal. Traitor!

“How can Eren be gay?” Jean presses. 

“Well, you see, it means when he sees a pretty boy his pe-” Ymir starts, earning a heavy blush from Christa.

“I know what being gay is! I just mean, he’s not… You know what I mean.” Jean fumbles and earns a firm glare or exasperated eye roll from half the table.

“He isn’t doing his hair and limp wristed?” Reiner finally speaks up. “Stereotypes are just that. I don’t want anyone treating him differently or thinking any less of him. Understood?” Reiner says it to the entire table, but his stare is clearly pointed towards Jean.

“Hey, I get it. I was just surprised, is all. None of my business.” Jean lifts his hands in defense. Everyone else nods or mutters agreement. Sasha, however, is notably silent. Not that she cares about the gay thing. She is happy that she doesn’t doesn’t have to worry about him catching feelings, if anything. But something has never sat right with her about Eren.

“I have a theory about Eren, and I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out.” Sasha speaks up. All eyes are on her. “The guy is pretty weird, right? He hates water, can’t swim. The horses don’t trust him. He’s an amazing hunter. Like, I don’t even know how he does it. And he loves to sleep. He’s always warm. He likes to sunbathe.”

“Yeah, he’s kinda weird. What of it?” Ymir cuts in with a chip on her shoulder. Maybe she’s still sensitive from Jean’s homophobia.

“Well, I noticed another thing. I only felt it once, but I know what I felt. He purrs .” Sasha adds. The table breaks out in incredulous laughter and groans.

“He does not purr.” Marco.

“Sasha, that’s so stupid.” Connie.

“How would he even do that?” Christa.

“I actually noticed that too,” Jean speaks up. Everyone looks his way. “When we were fighting, I noticed this weird vibration coming from him. Like a purr, yeah.” And with Jean’s testimony the table is in stunned silence. Time for Sasha to pitch her idea.

“I think he’s not really a human. No, I think…” She leans in closer, the entire table watching her with wide eyes, hanging on her every word. “I think he’s a cat.”

“He’s not a cat.”

“That’s even more stupid!”

“How would that even work?”

Chapter Text

“Leave a bloodied cloak over a log, ideally surrounded by water, and travel upwind. Titans will be attracted to the scent on the cloak but unable to cross the water to investigate further. This will provide time to escape and regroup,” Hange reads off the paper. They look at Levi with a cocked brow. The wagon around them jostles as the horse goes over a poorly maintained section of road.

“It might work, if it ever came up. Fat chance of that happening though. When a titan sees you, one of you has to die.” Levi answers. Hange rolls their eyes.

“But the question was, ‘Describe a strategy for retreat when being attacked by a lone titan’. The kid was just answering the question. But it would work, right?”

“You tell me, shitty glasses,” Levi grunts.

“I don’t know! That’s the thing. We think that titans have a good sense of smell, but how does this kid know,” they slap the exam papers. “And the water thing. We’ve seen titans prefer to go around the water, but it’s rare enough that we don’t know how universal this is, or just how much they will avoid water. This is cutting edge stuff that we don’t teach the cadets.”

“Maybe this Arlet kid is a titan loving freak like you.” The wagon rocks again and they both sway. Hange pouts. Levi sighs again. That’s the reason Hange is going to the southern training camp. This Arlet kid answered his exam questions so creatively that the instructors didn’t even know if he was right or wrong. So they sent it to the Scouts research team, which made its way to Hange. And then it was love at first read, and they knew they needed this Arlet kid on their research team. A prodigy at titan research, Hange said. Vital to recruit him, Erwin said.

It’s dubious logic as to why Levi needed to be involved. Erwin just likes sending him off to whatever recruitment event to try to draw a crowd. Maybe impress this Arlet kid? Fuck if Levi knows. Erwin should know at this point that Levi shouldn’t be the face of the Scouts. He's a grump on his best days, and downright bitchy when made to babysit a bunch of brats.

“Look at this one. The question is ‘what makes a scout more vulnerable to titan attack?’ He said, ‘Fear, titans are attracted to fear’.” They read off. Levi almost shivers. It does seem that titans and fear go together. But it’s pretty obvious that the titans cause the fear, not the other way around. Most people shit their pants the first time they see one of the bastards.

“Titans are scary. A titan shows up and everyone pisses themselves. I doubt they actually care about what we feel though. They aren’t fucking shrinks,” Levi answers but Hange is already shaking their head.

“I think there is something to it. I’ve noticed that new Scouts are more likely to get attacked, no matter where they are in the formation. Ever since you demonstrated that titans use their sense of smell-” Levi glares at the reminder. “I always wondered if they smelled something on the new recruits but I couldn’t think of anything that didn’t suggest a high level of intelligence from the titans. But fear makes sense. I think this Armin kid is onto something.” Levi doesn’t like the thought of it. Titans are horrible enough as is. They don’t need them literally smelling their fear.

“Why don’t you save it for the brat then?” Levi looks out the wagon.

“Because I’m too excited! We have to get Arlet to join the Scouts,” Hange gushes. She writes more notes on the already heavily annotated exam. Fuck. This trip is going to last a long time just because Hange probably has literal days worth of stuff to talk about. Which means Levi is going to be stuck out here for days surrounded by brats and expected to play nice. Fuck his life.

-

“I’m in so much trouble,” Armin groans, burying his face in his hands. The mess hall is empty save for them.

“Uh, not as much trouble as me ,” Eren bites back with a glare. 

“What are you going to say? Do you know who is going to do the interview?” Mikasa adds. She’ll probably be implicated too. Eren can see it now, cadet found guilty of one count of being a titan, and two humans found guilty of being accomplice to titan-hood .

“The lead researcher of the Scouts. And I have no idea what to say. I didn’t think my answers were that telling,” Armin bites his lips.

“If I didn’t remember hearing an answer in class, I just left it blank. Like a smart person ,” Eren glares some more.

“But not everything was covered in class. Some questions were meant to have us reason through them,” Armin defends.

“I just gave answers that made sense but wouldn’t work.” Mikasa explains. She passed the exam easily. But no, Armin had to answer the questions to the best of his ability. His ability being the single most well educated person on titan biology because he has an inside source. And apparently his answers raised some red flags and got tossed around and now he is going to be interviewed on what he knows and why.

Truthful, goody two shoes Armin is going to be interviewed by top ranking Scouts, all alone. They are so fucked. 

"I'll just tell them that I reasoned it out. Everything I said can be reasoned from the material we got. And maybe I have good intuition. We'll be fine," Armin tries to assure. He sounds like he's trying to convince himself.

Eren smells them before anything else. Before Armin and Mikasa, before the fall, there were them . He instantly knows who it is, and there is a flutter in his chest when he picks out the scent of the little human. The one that he saved in the forest. Eren cants his face up, sucking in all the loose tendrils of scent he can. They are still a ways off, and he just gets flickers of the scent.

“What is it?” Mikasa asks with some weariness.

“The Scouts are almost here.”

“Wait, how do you know?” Armin asks. Eren rolls his eyes and taps his nose. Humans are horrible senses of smell, but Armin knows that Eren can sniff them out.

“Okay, but how do you know it’s them? Maybe it’s a supply wagon,” he presses. Eren shakes his head.

“No, I remember them. From before,” Eren elaborates. Understanding sparks in Armin’s eyes.

“From before the wall? When you were?....”

“Yeah,” Eren confirms.

“Oh Maria, they must be really high up then,” Armin groans into his arms. Mikasa consoles him but Eren is lost to them. His mind is a mile away. He wants to know their names. He wants to talk to them. Like a human talks to a human. He tried in the forest with the little human, but that was before he understood how to talk. He must have really confused the little thing. 

“What are you smiling about?” Mikasa asks, and judging by her scowl she isn’t happy. Eren, on the other hand, is damn near giddy.

“I’m excited. I was never able to talk to them before.”

“Eren…” Mikasa sighs and he can feel the lecture coming.

“Actually, maybe it won’t be that bad,” Armin starts. He’s looking at the ground so Eren knows whatever is on his mind is going to piss off Mikasa. “Maybe the Scouts aren’t the enemy.”

“The Scouts are the best. They are the bravest and strongest of all of humanity,” Eren gushes.

“And they only want to help humanity. And Eren wants to help humans, so we should all be on the same side, right? And that newspaper clipping did say that the Scouts were upset when they thought Eren died,” Armin continues. Eren chews his lips. He wants to believe that. He does. But would rather have the option to run away if the Scouts aren’t so friendly to him.

“I don’t know, Armin. During the Fall I was helping them and they still cut me down,” Eren sighs. As tolerant as Armin and Mikasa are, he can’t picture humans as a whole being that accepting. Hence why he got attacked within his first hour inside the walls.

“You can ask around, but don’t say anything too incriminating,” Mikasa adds.

“I won’t,” Armin assures them. Eren goes back to watching the road. The Scouts don’t need to know he’s a titan. They already know his titan form. Now he wants them to know him as a human.

-

The horn blares, signalling the end of lunch break. Everyone except Armin ambles over to their regular spot. Shadis had summoned him to meet with the Scouts, but Eren and Mikasa were left alone. Ignored. Eren is going to have to find another excuse to meet with the Scouts. Preferably the little one. That one is his favorite. It's not Shadis there but an instructor, telling them to run laps.

"I wonder what is going on?" Bernholdt muses while they jog together.

"Probably just bureaucratic stuff," Reiner shrugs. Eren and Mikasa stay completely silent on the topic.

"I don't know, I have a bad feeling," Connie mutters.

"Where's Armin?" Christa asks, making both Eren and Mikasa stiffen. Shit. What do they say? Do they lie, do they say that-

"He's sick," Mikasa lies smoothly.

"He seemed fine to me this morning," Ymir clearly isn't buying it.

"Oh man, is Armin in on this? If you know what is happening, you gotta-" Connie is cut short by Shadis' booming voice. 

"Bring it in worms. I got a special treat for you," Shadis hollars and they all change course. With Shadis is someone new, except not. A smaller man, yet full of muscle. Raven hair and cool grey eyes. So familiar that Eren trips over his feet. It's him. It's the little human. Eren breaks into a wide, dopey grin.

"Today you get the honor of being inspected by Levi of the Scouts, Humanity's Strongest." Shadis introduces the man. Levi. The Levi. Of course, it makes sense. His little human was always so strong, the best of all the Scouts. Eren should have trusted that he learned the title Humanity's Strongest.

"You're all shit at running," Levi announces. No introduction, nothing. Just straight to the criticism. Eren loves it. He always hated the unnecessary talking that humans seem to love to do. "Pair up and show me how shitty your hand to hand is." Eren does so, pairing up with Reiner. Everyone is silent and seems to be trying their best. Eren too. He wants to impress Levi. He wants to earn a place in the Scouts. For some unplaceable reason, he wants to catch Levi's eye.

He fights his hardest. Damn blending in, Eren starts throwing his punches faster and harder, blocking and counter attacking. Using the blend of human fighting techniques learned here and titan techniques learned beyond the walls. He pushes Reiner back, overpowering him and showing his superior stamina. Reiner fights back as hard as he can, but eventually Eren knocks him over, and he stays down, panting heavily.

"Oi, brat. Your technique is a piece of shit," Levi is right there, staring at him with bored grey eyes. But there's a flicker of something in them. Interest? Eren licks his lips, trying to suppress whatever weird feeling is bubbling up from his chest.

"I kicked his ass, didn't I?" 

"You go too hard. You'll fatigue yourself and make yourself a sitting duck. Plus you counter too hard and leave yourself open," Levi explains. The smaller man takes a fighting stance, a clear invitation that Eren will not- cannot- pass up.

Eren takes his fighting pose. Everyone stops their sparring to stand on the sidelines. Even Shadis seems to be waiting with bated breath.

Eren strikes first, throwing a fist. Levi dodges, of course, Eren expects it. So he throws more punches, this time where Levi is moving to. But none of them land. Some meet thin air, some meet hard muscle in a block. But none land. He's so flexible, so fast. Every bend is controlled and confident. He goes down low, lower than Eren expected. He uses his height, or lack thereof, to his advantage. Then a rock hard first pummels into Eren's stomach. It knocks the air out of him, destroying his sense of balance. He falls down, defeated in a single hit and without landing any.

When the stars go away, Eren gets an entirely new angle of Levi. He looks taller when you're on the ground. His muscles seem almost more pronounced, his face, those eyes looking down at Eren .

There's a weird tension in his pants, and he's faced with a need he's never felt before, but it's definitely a need. His mouth is dry and he wants to… he doesn't know what he wants but it involves Levi, that's for sure.

"This twerp is still better than any other shit stain of a cadet here," Levi says as he looks over the crowd. Eren hops up and watches the Scout. He’s amazing. More than Eren ever hoped for. He always watched him fight and lead the other humans. He’s watched him face down huge titans without any fear. He’s watched the way he protects the other humans. He’s watched Levi in moments of tragedy and compassion, when another human has been fatally injured and Levi stayed with him in his final moments so he wouldn’t die alone. He always wondered what this human was like, what it would be like to be with him as another human.

He’s hard and crass. He has a foul mouth and a nasty snarl. But Eren knows there’s so much more to him. And he wants to see all of this complicated human.

-

“You must be cadet Armin Arlet,” a strange woman- man?- walks into the room. Armin swallows thickly. Green cloak. A Scout. It doesn’t help that this room feels like an interrogation room, with just a simple table and chairs. 

“Yes, sir,” Armin tries to take a deep breath, to calm down, but he can’t stop the fluttering in his chest. The person takes a seat opposite him. They lean in, glasses catching the light. A wide grin is plastered on their face. A familiar wad of papers, covered in new messy scrawl, is thrown to the table.

“I'm Dr. Hange Zoe. Pleasure to meet you. So Arlet, mind telling me where you got the inspiration for these answers?" The Scout asks, cutting right to the chase. Their eyes are intense and Armin can almost feel the air crackle with tension.

"The lectures," he answers. His mouth is so dry. Why is it so dry?

"The ideas you wrote down are much more involved than what they teach. I know, I'm the one who writes the curriculum," Hange presses.

"Well, I had to reason some things out. But all the pieces were in the lectures," Armin tries to hold strong.

"No where in the lectures did it say that titans are attracted to fear." Oh no, Armin did say that, didn't he? He tries to mentally flip through the lectures on titan psychology but they never did mention titans being attracted to fear.

"Oh. Um. Maybe I got confused. They did say that giving into panic is dangerous in the field, so maybe I just got mixed up," Armin tries to bluff, but Hange seems unconvinced.

"See, it's interesting that you said it, because it actually does make sense with the data we have. Tell me, have you ever seen a titan?" They ask. And the lie, no , is on the tip of his tongue. But then he sees an excuse, an explanation that just might satisfy them.

"Yes. I have. I was in Shiganshina when it happened." When those monsters invaded, when they destroyed and devoured. Yes, Armin has seen titans. Real titans, not the odd halfling that Eren is. Hange leans back, a flicker of sympathy and pity dancing across their face.

"I see. I'm sorry to hear that. You must have been young."

"Ten," he answers simply. He doesn't like thinking about that day. But it might be his only excuse for his knowledge on titans. He reflects on the memories and tries to make sense of the titans' behavior. To him, it seemed like chaos. But there must have been a pattern. What did Eren see on that day?

"And you were able to get a sense of how they operate, based on just that one day?" Hange seems less suspicious now, which is a blessing. Armin thinks of all the half truths that Eren likes to say. Maybe he should follow suit 

"It didn't all come to me on that day. But something about the day has stuck with me ever since. I've just been thinking about it all, and combined with the classes, well. I guess have a good intuition." It's not so much that something stuck with him, but rather someone . But it's close enough and Hange seems to accept it.

"Fascinating. 'Good' doesn't begin to cover your intuition. It's great. You're a prodigy of titan research. I would love it for you to join my research team. Your innovations could save hundreds of Scout lives. And maybe even be enough to turn the tide and help us reclaim Maria."

"Your research team? With the Scouts?" The Scouts. The suicide regiment. The corps that Eren will join.

"Yes, the Scouts. I know it's a scary thought. And yes, you'll have to be in the field and no, I can't promise you'll be fine. But I can't promise you'll be fine if you stay in the walls either," Hange has a fire in their eyes, a passion that is unraveling before his eyes. "Over six years ago, we lost Wall Maria to an abnormal. And there's more and more abnormals as time goes on. These walls stood for a hundred years, but they won't stand for another hundred. You can't grow old inside these walls.

"What you can do is fight. If we fight back, we might be able to win. Maybe you'll be able to grow old, maybe not. But even if not, you'll give humanity the best chance of survival." Hange leans in, looking at Armin with way too much intensity. He doesn't know what to say, what to think. 

"I don't know, I-" he tries to form words but Hange cuts him off.

"Sometimes one person can make the impact of a thousand other people. Some people have a skill that makes them an indispensable tool to save humanity. Captain Levi has the combat skill to turn a battle into our favor. Commander Smith has the strategy to make key victories. I don't know how you think or how you find out what you do. But you have the intuition about titans that can revolutionize the way we fight. Arlet, you could single handedly be the savior of humanity. You can't walk away from that." Their face is so tense, their eyes pinholes. And the bigger picture clicks in Armin's head. Why had he never thought of it like that before? He was so concerned about protecting Eren, he never thought about protecting humanity.

What he's learned from Eren could change everything. And they are losing the war. They lost one of their three walls, and they have no way to protect the other two from similar attacks. Eren can go free, but Armin has a responsibility to help. To use what he learned to save everyone. Weakly, he nods. Barely more than a heavy swallow, but it's enough for Hange.

"Great! Of course you'll need to graduate from the cadet corp, but I'm sure that won't be an issue. I have authorization to assist you and provide additional materials as we see fit," Hange starts to babble on, as though it's a done deal. Is it? Is Armin really going to join the scouts?

The idea is terrifying, facing down titans regularly. But he'll have Eren watching over him, protecting him. Maybe he'll even be able to visit Eren this way. And he'll be able to make a difference. A smile creeps onto his face. Yes, Armin will join the Scouts.

"Hey, Dr. Zoe?" Armin asks weakly. He shouldn't, he knows he shouldn't. But curiosity is chewing away at him. Plus, maybe, just maybe, Eren won't have to leave at all. "Have you ever heard of a helpful titan?"

"Why do you ask?" Their voice is tense and Armin knows there is a story there.

"I read a newspaper clipping about it. That there was a helpful titan during the fall. That it attacked other titans but not humans," Armin explains. Hange breaths out, long and heavy. A moment of silence, then-

"It's name was Jaeger, and it was beautiful. An abnormal that we had been keeping tabs on for years. It didn't attack humans, but would prowl on the side lines. That's why we called it Jaeger, because it reminded Otto of a predator hunting, waiting to ambush. He always thought it was a threat, but eventually it actually started defending us, attacking other titans. Of course it'd attack us if we got too close, but poor thing was just scared." Hange is now pacing the room, throwing their arms around as they explain the story.

"And it was intelligent too! Did you know it saved Levi's life? Ten years ago, when he had just made caption. He got stranded deep in titan territory, and Jaeger saved him . He carried him all the way home, like a hurt little kitten!" They freeze after saying that. "Don't tell Levi I said that. Actually, don't talk to him at all about it. He gets moody about it. Well, more moodier." Hange nods even though Armin didn't say anything.

"Anyway, Jaeger. Intelligent abnormal who didn't attack humans, but actually showed a willingness to help. It went missing for a few years after the thing with Levi, which is a shame because I had just convinced Erwin to let me engage with it. But it just disappeared! Until the armored titan showed up and busted into Shiganshina. Then, like a hero, it appears again! Inside the walls and tearing titans apart. It even let us get closer than ever before. I was there, I could feel it. We were working together towards a common goal. We were allies.

"But then a damn Garrison soldier… they… They cut Jaeger down! In cold blood! It didn't even try to defend itself, it wasn't expecting it. It trusted us," Hange is literally brought to tears over the event. Armin processes it all. He's heard the story before from Eren's perspective. Whenever Armin suggests that they even consider coming clean, that maybe the Scouts would accept him, he cites that day. When he did trust them, and they cut him down and trapped him in the walls.

"What if he didn't die though? Maybe he got away?" Armin suggests. Hange shakes their head.

"I was there. I watched it's body disintegrate. That titan could have changed everything. But the damn Garrison just saw any other titan and killed it."

"What would you have done, if they didn't kill him?" Armin asks carefully. Hange sighs wistfully.

"Capture it. Don't go around talking about this, but I keep a few titans for experimentation. I'd love to have the chance to run tests on Jaeger. Maybe we could have weaponized it too. That would be the ideal," Hange explains. Experimentation and weaponizing. Even knowing that he is intelligent and wants to help, they'd treat him like a monster.

Eren was right. He can't trust the Scouts, not about his true nature. He needs to escape the walls. There's no happy ending for him if he stays inside.

"Right. That makes sense," Armin nods, trying to smother all the bad feelings growing in his gut. Hange seems to pick up on his soured mood.

"Don't let that turn you off of the Scouts though. You won't have to experiment on them personally if you don't feel comfortable. We have lots of others who can run the tests for you," they offer a patient smile. Armin forces himself to smile back. He tries not to imagine Eren chained up, being experimented on and tortured.

“But, if it’s intelligent and helpful, why do you need to capture maybe? Maybe you can try to talk with it?” Armin asks slowly. Hange’s face falters.

“You’re starting to sound like Levi. He’s a tough guy and all, but I think what happened with him and Jaeger might have knocked a few screws loose. He always looked at that titan more like a human than a titan after that.”

“But-”

“But! Jaeger is still a titan. And I’ve spent my entire life studying titan psychology. It’s entirely different than human psychology, and if you treat it like a human, you’re going to get eaten,” Hange explains with thin patience. Armin feels like this is an argument they’ve had before, possibly with Levi. “Titans usually have basic minimal intelligence. No smarter than a fish, and only interested in food. Sometimes, rarely, they can be intelligent, even almost as smart as humans. Using tools and planning. Those are abnormals, and you never want to run into one. But they are still just interested in eating humans, nothing else.

“Well, not all titans want to eat humans. Sometimes they want… something else. Stupid things. Like my predecessor, Otto, he reported seeing a titan that wasn’t interested in humans at all, it just wanted to collect rocks. Had a giant pile. Would just go around, find a rock, and bring it to its pile. See, no matter the titan or the intelligence, they are always singularly focused. They want one thing, usually to eat us. But they don’t feel . Not like us. We can’t relate to them and we can’t expect to reason with them, even if intelligent. I don’t know what Jaeger wants. But I know it isn’t really to help us. Titans just don’t think like that.” Hange finishes their rant. This is clearly an old fight, and something they are set on. Maybe their years of research have given them tunnel vision. Maybe if they just saw Eren, talked to him. But only the truth could possibly convince them, and the truth isn’t something they can offer right now. So Armin nods weakly.

“Right, that makes sense. You wouldn’t want to put human life at risk for something unpredictable,” Armin sighs and nods. Them Hange’s perspective, it probably does make sense. Armin will just have to accept that.

-

Bright Eyes is looking at him again. His teal eyes are intense and it makes Levi's skin crawl. They are too intense. Why is he looking at Levi like that?

The entire class is doing push-ups, as fast as they can. They've been going for five minutes and it's obvious that they are wearing down.

"Oi, the first brat to stop gets my boot up their ass," Levi yells and the entire class starts to pick up the pace again. He's not sure why he is torturing the cadets. It was Erwin's idea to drag him out here. And he's in a pissy mood now that he's here and not in his private quarters enjoying his time off.

Bright Eyes isn't wavering, not even slightly. Every other cadet is struggling at this point, but he's just watching Levi and panting slightly. Freak. 

Handsome though.

A small kid with a buzz cut cracks first. He flops down, cants his head to the side, and spews chunks. Levi sneers at the filth.

"You're pitiful, cadet," he plants a boot in the kid’s back and gives him his best death glare. "The best you can hope to amount to is a steaming pile of titan shit," Levi growls. The cadet whimpers. Everyone else takes it as an excuse to stop their pushups. Everyone except Bright Eyes. Levi leaves the poor cadet alone to inspect Bright Eyes some more.

"What's your name, cadet," Levi asks.

"Eren," he answers simply. He's still doing push-ups at a brisk rate, not even breaking a sweat.

"Eren what? Last I heard, people have last names."

"I don't," he answers simply. Weird. But Levi doesn't have a last name either. Something about the shared trait is endearing. Levi doesn't push. He doesn't appreciate it when people push him about his lack of a family name, and it's not like it's any of his business.

"You can stop showing off now. You're a freak of nature, we can all see that," Levi tells the kid. Eren does so, hopping up gracefully. Levi needs to look up to him. Kid is too damn tall.

"Sorry, sir," he seems legitimately put out by being called a freak. He looks to his peers, suddenly embarrassed. Between the sparring and the push-ups, it's clear that this cadet is physically superior to the rest. He's tall but not even that bulky. Levi briefly wonders where he keeps his muscles for such intense workouts. But then again, Levi has even less body mass but can still pack more of a punch then he should.

"What regiment do you plan to join?" If this kid is half as good at the rest of the topics as he is with sparring, he can easily get into the Military Police.

"Scouts," is his simple answer, and it takes Levi by surprise.

"You could probably get into the MPs. Live it up in the interior, getting drunk and fuck whores," Levi really does hate the MPs.

"I don't want that. I want to join the Scouts. Leave the walls. Be free," Eren says and his voice is almost wistful. Levi has to bite back a smile. He's starting to like this kid.

"Who else wants to join the Scouts," Levi asks the rest of the class. Silence. "Tch. Typical." Cowards. Levi looks back at Eren, considering. He is suppose to be recruiting, and this kid has talent and an interest in the Scouts. Levi should pull him aside and make sure he keeps his interest in the Scouts. Walls know they always need new blood, the more talented the better.

"If it's alright with you, I'd like to take this one. See what he's made of," Levi asks Shadis while nodding towards Eren. Bright Eyes somehow gets even brighter.

Shadis nods. "Of course, captain Levi. Cadet, you are under captain Levi's command. I expect you to show him the respect he deserves," Shadis tells Eren.

"Yes, sir," with a salute is all Eren offers back.

"Brat, get your ODM gear and meet me at the training ground," Levi demands. Eren smiles an entirely too wide smile.

"Yes, sir," Eren nods and then runs off. Levi also leaves the bulk of the cadets for his guest room. Levi grabs his gear, tucked away in the spare room he was given. By the time he gets to the ODM training ground Eren is already there and geared up.

"Do you always have that idiotic grin on your face," Levi sneers.

"Only when I'm being privately trained by Humanity's Strongest," he laughs a bit. It's heavy and raspy, more manly than any teen has a right to be. Levi takes a closer look at his face. It’s hard to place his age, seemingly having a mixture of mature and teenage features.

"How old are you?" Levi asks, indulging his curiosity. 

"I'm twenty?" The way he says it, it comes out as a question. He rubs his hands, like he honestly isn’t sure if that is the right answer.

“Are you telling me, or asking me?” Levi barks. Even with his abyssal upbringing, he knows his age and birthday. Levi doesn’t know what corner of the world shat this kid out, but it must have been a pitiful place if the brat doesn’t even know his age. Eren looks genuinely taken aback. After a moment of him floundering for words, Levi puts him out of his misery.

"Doesn't matter to me," Levi brushes aside the topic. "I'm going to make you regret agreeing to train with me. I made your little friend hurl, I can do it to you," Levi threatens. Eren's lips quirk up into a grin, and Levi can see Eren's desire to rise to the challenge. The past awkwardness is entirely forgotten.

"Oh, I'd like to see you tire me out," Eren grins. Levi tries not to sputter. This kid is going to be the death of him. Does he even realize how flirtatious that sounded? Or is the brat just dense? Levi truly can't tell. And while Levi isn’t above a quick fuck between training sessions, it’s probably not wise to do anything with a cadet he’s recruiting. Seems like the kind of thing that would a lecture from Erwin.

"Don't test me, brat," Levi retorts before firing an anchor into a tree and taking off. He retracts the anchor half way there, trusting in his momentum to take him the rest of the way. He lands gracefully on a branch. When he turns to look at the brat, Eren has an impressed look on his face.

"Oi, brat. Were you all talk and no action?" Levi encourages Eren to follow, in his own way. The brat twists his body around in an all wrong way, fires an anchor, and when he feels good and ready starts reeling in his line and hits the gas. He gets up into the branch with all the grace of a baby taking their first steps.

Levi actually needs to take a moment to collect his thoughts because of how shit that was.

"Hey, we only started real ODM training a month ago," Bright Eyes defends himself.

"And what in the fuck have you been doing before that?"

"Balancing, anchor aiming, gas control. All the pieces, we just didn’t put them together. Shouldn’t you know? Didn’t you go through the cadet corp?” Bright Eyes glares. Levi did not go through the cadet corp. He trained himself on stolen gear and was recruited directly to the Scouts. But the brat doesn’t need to know all that.

“Well, you’re shit at it,” Levi says before he flies back down to the ground. Eren follows in his clunky way. As soon as the brat lands Levi is on him.

“Your posture is all wrong, your center of balance needs to be lower,” Levi grabs Eren’s hips from behind. He uses a leg to force Eren’s legs apart, widening his stance. He presses his hips down, practically spooning Eren so he gets into a slight squat. When he gets around to looking at Eren’s face, it’s completely red. He looks like a schoolgirl who just walked in on her crush changing. Levi bites back a groan. Can this shitty brat get his mind out of the gutter for at least an hour? Levi likes a good fuck as much as the next guy, there’s a time and place, and this isn’t it. Levi attempts to knock some sense into the brat with a firm, hard , kick to his ass. Eren squawks and flops forward. 

“Get up, brat. I want to see you actually hit the gas as soon as your anchor lands,” Levi scowls, expecting Eren to fail. That kick was hard enough to leave a nasty bruise and he should be on the ground rubbing his ass for a few. But no, Eren jumps up with that dumb ass grin. He squats into the position Levi showed him and makes his best attempt at moving with the ODM. 

Too bad he trips over his feet and lands and lands on his face. Poor shit even gets dragged a bit from the momentum. But sure enough, he springs right up and tries again. Holy shit, this kid can take a beating like nothing else. After a few more tries and failures, Eren is starting to get the hang of it. Thanks to his determination and total willingness for abusing his body, the brat is a fast learner.

“Oi, oi, oi, don’t try anything fancy. You’ll get yourself killed,” Levi interjects when Eren tries to pull his anchor early. Eren lands and pouts.

“But you do this all the time,” Eren huffs but Levi instantly picks up that something is amiss. He does do that, but he hasn’t today. He intentionally kept his maneuvers basic so Eren wouldn’t try to do anything beyond his skill level. So how exactly does Eren know his typical style?

“What? Why the bitch face?” Eren glares back.

“Have we met before?” Levi tries to place Eren’s face, tries to remember he has met the brat before. But his mind is drawing a blank. Even if he saw the kid in the streets or some event, Levi wouldn’t be using his ODM gear then. So how in the fuck…

“Er, no. Nope! Pretty sure never,” Eren flounders. All confidence is gone and he’s looking away in a pitiful attempt to be casual. So not only have they met before, but Eren doesn’t want to fess up to when. So it probably means it was either embarrassing for him or he was breaking some law. Levi takes a moment to ponder it, trying to decide if Eren is a treat or not. The kid seems genuinely interested in joining the Scouts, and he doesn’t seem malicious. A bit too brass for a spy, unless it’s all an act.

“I just want to impress you,” Eren continues. There’s a dusting of pink on his cheeks and his words are candid. Levi sighs and lets his suspicion go. Or at least put it on the back burner. It’s probably nothing.

“Then go take a shower, I can smell you from here,” Levi sighs and turns to leave.

“Wait, am I dismissed?”

“Yes, you are dismissed. I’m sick of looking at you for the day,” Levi waves his hand, shooing the brat away. He always hated the formality of the military.

“But I can keep going!” Eren moves closer to Levi. He curls his nose. Walls, Eren does actually stink. Between the sweating and the falling down, he smells like a swamp. “I thought you were suppose to tire me out. You were suppose to make me beg, remember?” Eren crosses his arms over his chest and glares. Levi takes a moment to look at his face. He still doesn’t know if this kid realizes the phrasing he’s saying.

The thought of what fucking Eren would be like does pass through his mind and he honestly doesn’t know if he would be able to live up to that challenge. Shit, the kid is a beast.

“Then go run laps until you vomit. I don’t care. But I need a shower,” Levi takes his leave, walking across the compound and towards the guest house.

“Will I see you again?” Eren asks, keeping pace with Levi.

“If you join the Scouts,” Levi answers.

“I will,” he answers quickly. 

“Good,” Levi answers as he ducks inside his guest house. He doesn’t give Eren a chance to reply. That kid is way too far up Levi’s ass. He has a charm, but damn that brat can be a lot. Levi is sure he would make a good Scout though. Physically he’s a beast, and mentally he doesn’t back down from anything. But his obstinacy could be a real issue.

“Who was that?” Hange asks from on the couch. Levi sighs, willing this conversation to be easy. Conversations with Hange are rarely easy.

“A cadet that I’m recruiting,” Levi answers as he starts to make himself a cup of tea.

“Ooooh, you found someone to recruit too? Tell me about them? What’s their name?”

“Eren. He has a good psychology for the Scouts and is very strong,” Levi explains, staring into his steaming cup.

“So he’s got some suicidal tendencies?” They joke and it actually cracks a smile on Levi’s lips. The best Scouts have a few screws loose. You can’t be all there in the head and be willing to play keep away with giants hell bent on eating you.

“He kept flirting with me, so he must have a death wish,” Levi comments. It’s not uncommon for him to have admirers, but it is rare that his personality doesn’t scare them away. But Eren seemed just as eager after multiple beatings. Hange gasps and Levi instantly regrets telling them. Walls, they are going to make this a thing, aren’t they? Fuck.

“Is he cute? How old is he?” Hange starts into a barrage of questions.

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing is going to happen,” Levi takes his cup and enjoys it at the kitchen table. Hange pouts.

“Oh come on, you might really like him if you give him a chance.” Levi tries to push away the thought and just focus on his tea. Maybe, not maybe. But it wouldn’t be worth it. Levi just grunts, willing this conversation to be over. Hange does not accept.

“It’s been, what? Four years since Denis? And that was just shit luck, you know?” Hange prattles on and on when Levi just wishes they would shut up. Levi doesn’t want to think about Denis. Or Ralf. Or any other of his past failures into love. They all end one of two ways, getting dumped or them getting eaten. At this point in his life, Levi is happy with his few friends and an occasional fuck with a faceless man. 

“I’m not doing anything with Eren. It’d be inappropriate,” Levi tries again to get them to drop it. He’s not exactly in the mood to lay his broken heart on the table.

“Like you give a shit about that. I know for a fact that you don’t,” Hange counters. They’re right, but still.

“Just shut up already. Go ready a shitty romance novel or something,” Levi barks.

“Alright, Levi. Just keep an open mind,” Hange clucks with a shitty grin. Levi would throw his cup at them, but he’d rather not waste the tea. “Well, let me tell you about Armin,” they move to the next topic and Levi groans. He’s doomed. Truly fucked.

Chapter Text

Levi slams the door on Eren. His mind is swirling. Good . So Levi does want him to join the Scouts? Eren pictures it. Riding out with the other humans, green cloak flapping in the wind. Side by side with the Scouts. With Levi. No longer watching from a distance.

He also thinks abouts when Levi touched him. When he threw Eren on the ground and looked down at home with those eyes. When he used his knees to spread Eren’s legs apart. Yeah, it was to adjust his stance, but he remembers the warmth of the leg on his thigh and…

Eren briefly palms his groin. There’s a firmness there he’s not used to. And the pressure of his hand is so nice . His hand falls and he swallows thickly. He turns and walks away. He doesn’t know where. He should return to the rest of the cadets. Or try to find Armin and see how his interview went. But right now Eren wants to be alone. So he returns to the ODM gear training ground. A quick sniff confirms that no one is around. And that Levi’s scent is lingering. 

His hand returns to his groin and he squeezes. It fills his veins with fire and he needs more. He begins panting and rubbing. His hips seem to buck forward on their own but it’s so right. More. He needs more. He throws his hand down his pants. Walls, it’s so much different now. Though he still can’t see it, he can feel it. Firm and large, yearning for attention. So hot, even hotter than the rest of him. He wraps a fist around it and clumsily squeezes. He needs more space, he needs to be able to move and-

Mikasa. He picks up her scent and instantly the fire in his gut dies. He has a vague idea of what this is, and he knows that Mikasa isn’t a fan of visible penises. So he quickly removes his hand. Luckily his lower half seems to get the message too, and the firmness wilts too.

“Eren, what are you doing here? I thought Levi was back at base,” her voice calls out. She sounds tense. Right. They were worried about Armin being interrogated and spilling the beans. Being fugitives and needing to flee for their lives. Should probably see how that is going.

“Uh, nothing. Just… Nothing,” Eren fumbles and Mikasa seems not at all convinced. “Is Armin back? Are things, uh, good?”

“Yeah, he’s back. Says it’s fine but seems pretty dazed. I was worried that something happened with you and Levi. Did something happen?” She asks. Damn, nothing gets past her.

“Nope, nothing. Let’s go find Armin,” Eren trots past her, leaving the topic behind. He already suspects where Armin is but he knows for sure once he gets the scent trail. Behind the barracks, in this little tucked away nook. He’s sitting down, knees to his chest. He looks like he is lost in thought, but his scent is clear of worry or panic. Which means that they are probably not going to be hunted down and Eren gets to go back to worrying about the important things. Like if Levi likes him, or what is wrong with his penis. Eren plops down beside Armin and throws his head back, looking at the sky. Armin offers him a weak smile but not much else. Suits him fine.

"So, how did things with the Scouts go," Mikasa asks, finally breaking the silence. She was the only one not spending half the day alone with a Scout.

"I don't know," Eren groans. Armin just moans and buries his face in his arms.

"This is serious. I need to know. Are we going to need to get out of here," Mikasa asks with a lowered voice and a heavy glare.

"No, they don't suspect anything like that," Armin says, voice still muffled in his arms.

"Eren? Does Levi seem to suspect anything?" Mikasa asks him. Eren sucks in a breath. 

"I have no idea," Eren thinks back over his afternoon again. And again. He was so excited to meet Levi, to talk to him. And it was great. Better than great. But now Eren wants more. He's full of some kind of energy that makes him want to do… something. He's not entirely sure, but it involves Levi and his dick.

"What happened? What did you do?" Mikasa pushes. 

"Nothing! We just trained some. He showed me some postures and we worked on my ODM. Everything went fine. Great,” Eren tries to assuage her but Mikasa just looks more pissed.

“If they discover that Eren isn’t human, we are all going to be detained. They could lock us up forever, or even execute us. They could be talking about it right now, putting the pieces together. I need you both to be honest, are we in danger? ” Mikasa asks again with a sharp glare to the two both of them. Eren sighs, realizing that she’s valid in her frustration.

“Levi didn’t seem suspicious at all. He was impressed- I think. He wants me to join the Scouts, that’s all,” Eren explains and Mikasa seems to accept it. Armin’s turn.

“I told Hange that I learned a lot about Titans during the Fall, and they seemed to accept that. After that, they mostly just asked me about my thoughts on how titans work,” Armin explains. Mikasa still seems on edge but accepts these explanations.

“We need to be really careful. Eren, I know that you were excited to meet them, but just remember that they aren’t your allies, okay? Their entire job is to kill titans,” Mikasa’s voice is soft. Eren scowls.

“Their job is to keep humans safe. Maybe they wouldn’t just instantly kill me,” Eren fires back. Maybe he can join the Scouts for real. Maybe he can stay.

“Um, Eren?” Armin speaks up. His big blue eyes are full of pity. Oh no. “I did talk to Hange a bit about you. Titan you,” Armin begins.

“Armin, don’t you think that is suspicious?” Mikasa asks bitterly.

“No! I referenced a newspaper article about it. It’s entirely possible that I read that article,” Armin counters and Mikasa backs down. “Anyway, I asked them what they thought about you, and what they wanted from you.”

“And?” Eren asks, heart in his throat. He gets the feeling he isn’t going to like the answer.

“And it’s not good, Eren. They don’t think of you as a person. They want to capture you. Study you and ‘weaponize’ you,” Armin says, a bit of anger seeping into his voice.

“Weaponize him?” Mikasa scoffs. “He already wants to fight for them. They don’t need to do anything, just not attack him,” Mikasa rants.

“I know! But Hange has it in their head that Eren is just another titan,” Armin spits back. Eren is hardly paying attention though. He thought he had something with the Scouts. With Levi. They learned to not attack him. And during the Fall, they even worked by his side. Together. Didn’t they see that? That he could be their equal, working together to save humans. Not their slave or their ‘weapon’. Eren stands abruptly. There's a new tension in him. Angry and hurt, he wants to be alone.

"Where are you going?" Armin asks, standing to chase after him.

"Hunting," Eren answers. He'll have to do it without Sasha, but he's learned enough.

"Oh. Do you want company?" Armin asks.

"No," Eren grits out. He wants to be alone. Away from humans. Fuck, he wants out of these walls. Fuck the Scouts. He thought they were building a rapport. He thought they understood. He thought Levi understood. He saved Levi. They talked. Kinda.

Eren wanders away from the base. Away from the humans and the Scouts. The lies and secrets he needs to hold. He wanders freely in the wilderness. It's familiar. A call back to a simpler time. Before he was an imposter among humans. When he was just a titan. He walks, no destination in mind. He even allows himself to idly rumble, though no other titan is around to hear it. Nose scenting the air, feet rumbling on the ground, and a blank mind.

It takes a few tries to catch anything, but eventually he gets a rabbit. It has a limp, probably old and slow. He breaks it quickly in his hands. Meat. He's a titan, and it's fresh meat. That's all he thinks as he begins to eat it raw and unbutchered. Just like when he ate humans. It was simpler, easy. He didn't have to struggle to earn approval, nor did it hurt when he didn't get it.

A gasp. So faint he almost missed it over the cracking bones. How did he not sense them? He throws his head up, worried. Human shame flooding back into him. It's Mikasa. She must have been looking for him. Knew to stay downwind too.

He's tries to think of what to say. How to explain the blood and scraps of rabbit in his hands. Nothing comes to mind. He’s a titan, and he is doing what titans do. He isn't a human, never was. Why lie? All this time he’s been feeding his humans a delusion. Time to let them see his true self.

“You can’t go back like this. We need to go to the river and clean you up,” Mikasa walks to him, tugs his arm. Her scent is free of fear. She’s not afraid of him, not even slightly.

“Why bother?” Eren asks roughly. He’s still so pissed. So angry at humans in general. Mikasa gives him a look, her exasperated ‘ what are you talking about’ look. “I’m not a human, Mikasa. I never will be.” They can wash away the blood and clean him up. Clothe him and teach to talk like a human. But he’ll never be a real human. Always just an imposter.

Mikasa smiles softly, sympathy swimming in her eyes. Such a human emotion for an inhuman monster. “Come on, let’s go to the river,” she says, giving his arm another pull. Eren obliges, trailing after his human friend. They walk in silence. The blood dries on his hand, and he’s sure that his face is even worse. But Mikasa doesn’t seem to mind the mess he made. They get to the river and Mikasa unwraps her scarf. She wets it and begins the process of dabbing it on Eren’s face. Her dark eyes skim over his face, taking in the blood but just calmly wiping it away. No fear.

“I’ve eaten humans, you know,” Eren says. He doesn’t know why. There’s something infuriating about her calmness. Like she doesn’t understand what he is.

“I assumed so,” she replies. Her voice is maybe a bit sad, but no fear. Not even disgust. 

“I’m a monster,” Eren hisses, pulling away from her. “I have killed and eaten people. I still want to,” he elaborates. Mikasa puts her scarf back into the river, wringing it out. A cloud of blood appears but is washed away just as quickly.

“I remember. You told us that when we first learned about you,” she says, still too mundane. Eren is about to blow up, but then she continues. “I was more confused than scared. People have an idea of what titans are, even if we never see them. They are mindless, they only want to kill and eat. They only want to destroy. But you were with us for almost a year. You were our friend, protecting us and helping us,” her words soften something in him. She returns to cleaning his face and they fall into silence for a moment before she continues.

“I think the Scouts probably see titans like that too. They don’t understand. They never got a chance to learn about you,” she adds.

“Do you think if they understood what I was, they wouldn’t want to capture me?” Eren asks, hope slowly blooming. Mikasa flicks his ear.

“Don’t bet on it. Sometimes people get used to thinking a certain way, and they don’t like to think about other ways. Even if those other ways are true. Humans aren’t always as great as you make us out to be. We have our flaws too,” Mikasa mutters the last part. Eren cracks a smile.

“Well you guy do-” Eren is interrupted with a mouthful of bloody scarf.

“Stop talking, you’re making it hard to clean up,” Mikasa chides. Eren smiles but stays quiet. Eventually his face is deemed clean and he washes his hands in the river before returning to base. 

Eren can already hear the laughter and cheer from the mess hall. Laughter, joy, comradery. Connections and bonds that are so uniquely human. And here he is, a titan, infiltrating and stealing those affections. He sucks in a breath, suddenly feeling unwelcome. Like he doesn’t belong.

“Come on, everyone was wondering where you were. They were worried,” Mikasa tugs him towards the hall. Worried. Mikasa still looks concerned as well. Imposter or not, he’s already made those bonds, and the humans care for him.

“I can go a few hours without killing myself,” Eren scoffs, brushing off the last of his funk. He might not be human, but for now, he’s close enough.

-

The trees around him twist and shake, branches almost writhing with the wind. Levi is alone, no gear, no blades, not even a pocket knife. Alone and unprotected in the forest. The titans are waiting, searching. Their maws open and thick drool flows out. Death awaits him. He's hopeless. For as strong as he is, he's powerless.

One titan is different. It looks at him, goes to him, but doesn't harm him. The other titans still run through the wicked forest, searching for him, hungry, ravenous. But Jaeger doesn't go for his blood. Jaeger looks at him with stunning green eyes. Thoughtful. Compassionate . An ally. He's safe. He’s with Jaeger.

Other titans snap their jaws at him from the edge of the trees, but they cannot get him. Jaeger is protecting him. He's safe. Big hands keep him warm and safe. Safe with a titan, from the titans. Green eyes stare at him. Thoughtful, considering.

Eren. Eren is there all of a sudden. Levi is still in the palm of the beast, the kind monster. But Eren is on the shoulder. Thoughtful, green eyes. Matching pairs, big and small.

"I wanted to train with you some more," the titan, Jaeger, says, but it's in Eren's voice. The wild titans around them are gone, the forest is empty. Just the three of them. Two of them?

Levi jolts into wakefulness in an instant. The sun is hardly up but he’s fully awake now. Shit. It’s been so long since he thought about that day. Why now? It was over ten years ago, and the damn thing is long dead. Levi supposes that Eren has a similar shade of green eyes. That's probably it. Explains why the brat was in his dream as well. Whatever. It doesn't matter anymore. Whatever happened in that forest, it’s in the past. He gets up and decides to make himself a cup of tea. 

Hange is already up. Maybe they never even went to bed. They get like that when something gets them excited. They are at the table, tapping a stack of notes. Probably from interviewing that brat yesterday. Levi tries to slip by them. Last night Hange talked for hours about the kid. 

“Morning, Levi,” their voice is way too chiper. Of course Levi couldn't escape their notice. As ditzy as they can seem at times, Hange is still an elite Scout. Levi just grunts in response and begins making his tea.

Levi doesn't try to dwell much on Jaeger. Especially now that it's dead. It was complicated. A disturbing question with no answer. Hange swears up and down that it was, fundamentally, just a titan. A titan with an unknown motive, but a titan all the same.

Levi swears he saw more than just a titan. More than just an intelligent titan. Because even the intelligent ones are still just interested in eating humans. No, that damn thing was like a kid. A human kid. It was curious and protective. It wanted to help Levi, but also wanted to talk with him. Fuck, it tried talking with him. Didn't say words, just strings of syllables. But that's not titan behavior. That's something entirely different.

"Something on your mind?" Hange sing-songs. Damn, why do they have to be so observant today?

"It's nothing. Just had a stupid dream."

"I had a stupid dream. Dreamed that I was drowning in pudding," Hange smiles over their notes.

"Somedays I would like to drown you," Levi grumbles.

"Oh, I know. So, why the angry face? You usually aren't this pissed first thing in the morning. Must have been a bad dream," Hange says.

"I dreamed about Jaeger," Levi says simply. Hange stops shuffling their notes and a heavy silence falls on them.

Everything changed when Jaeger rescued Levi. Before, the titan was an interest but there was no clear benefit to capturing it. Erwin would never sign off on it because they knew the cost of human life would be high. Just wasn't worth it.

But then Jaeger proved itself to be intelligent, possibly human level intelligence. And had an interest in helping humans. And with the potential of a weaponized titan, expeditions were launched to capture it. But Levi never liked the plans. It's a titan, he knows that. But it acted like a human. And Levi couldn't accept treating it like any other titan. He wanted to try to talk to it again. Fuck, it learned two words within hours, Levi was sure they should teach it to talk. And it wanted to help. Fuck knows why, but they could probably just walk up and ask it for help.

Hange never agreed. Hange accepted that it's intelligent, and that it helped Levi. But they could never accept that it was truly helpful. That it wanted to learn and help humans. They insisted that reasoning with it would end in disaster. Of course Erwin sided with his titan expert. And when they launched expeditions to find Jaeger, they were equipped with heavy wagons and harpoons. Levi was secretly glad that the thing disappeared. Better than being captured and locked up in Hange's lab. But then it showed up one last time, when Maria fell. Only to be cut down by some idiot Garrison soldier. What a horribly stupid end.

"It's been a while. Over five years since the poor thing died," they muse. "Why dream about it now?"

"It's nothing. The brat I'm recruiting just looks a bit like it," Levi dismisses.

"He looks like a titan? That's alarming. They aren't over three meters tall, right?" Hange jokes.

"He's tall, but not that tall," Levi snorts. "Just has a similar eye color. It's nothing." Levi takes a sip of his tea but Hange is still looking at him intently. "Why the look? If you’re going to shit your pants, do it in the bathroom."

"Hm? I'll have you know I'm perfectly continent. But it's weird. Armin was asking me about Jaeger yesterday as well…"

"So? It's a coincidence," Levi tries to dismiss the connection. "Sometimes they happen. Don’t get your panties in a knot over it."

"Maybe you're right. But still. Armin's story seems very spectacular. He is a certified genius and all, but how could anyone learn so much about titans just during one day? And now Jaeger is cropping up," they begin scribbling on a new piece of paper. Poor Armin. Levi never met him but he pities anyone that has Hange this twisted up.

"If the brat is suspicious, investigate him more, but I'm telling you, Jaeger has nothing to do with it." Levi grumbles. Hange teeters on the edge of insanity. It's how they operate, and how they can see things no one else does. But it also means that they sometimes see things that just aren't there. Like a long dead titan being involved with a brat cheating on exams.

"Did Eren say or do anything suspicious?" Hange, predictably, completely ignores Levi. He sighs and is about to say no when he remembers something. And he's so tempted to still say no and refuse to fuel Hange's insanity. But it was suspicious enough at the time to get his attention.

"Yeah, actually," he starts and Hange scrambles for fresh paper. "The brat seemed to know some of my ODM moves. He tried to copy my glide, even though I never did it in front of him."

"Hm. So he had familiarity with your style… Did you ask him about it?"

"I asked if we've met before and he said no. But the shit was obviously lying."

"Interesting…" Hange chews on their pen. "So let's suppose that both Eren and Armin are lying. Eren knows more about you than he should and Armin knows more about titans than he should, but what does it mean?"

"I'm going to go take a shit, try not to give yourself a brain aneurysm," Levi less than politely excuses himself. Maybe Hange is onto something, but if so that's all the more reason to keep an eye on the two.

-

“So how long have you and Armin been friends then?” Levi hears Hange ask as he steps out of the bathroom.

“Oh, uh, a while,” Eren’s voice follows. What’s he doing here?

“Did you know him during the Fall of Wall Maria?” Hange asks.

“Erm…. Yeah,” Eren’s voice is so tiny and meek, the exact opposite of his usual level.

“Were you there with him? Can you confirm what kind of titan encounters he had?” Hange dives into another series of questions. The Fall. Titan encounters . Shit, Eren would have been just a kid during the Fall. Levi didn’t think he was actually in wall Maria when it fell. That was a horrible day. Jaeger aside, an untold thousands of humans died. Children and civilians that were never supposed to ever see a titan were eaten alive.

“Leave him alone Shitty Glasses,” Levi makes his appearance. “Not everyone gets excited remembering that day,” Levi sneers. Hange frowns but he can tell the point still lands.

“I was just trying to get some details fleshed out. I didn’t realize that Eren and Armin were actually good friends. It’s interesting,” Hange mutters, looking down. Eren is looking wide eyed, like he’s unsure if he’s in trouble or not. 

“Oi, brat, what are you doing here? It’s too early for me to be babysitting,” Levi turns his attention to Bright Eyes now that Hange is subdued. Eren looks back at Levi, teal eyes falling on him. They brighten up like the sun, like Levi is a polished gem. It makes him cringe. Why does this brat have such a fascination with him? Usually people have the good sense to leave him alone.

“I heard that you are staying another day, and I want to train with you some more,” Eren answers, a wide, sloppy grin on his face. He makes a salute, even though his words are formal. Like he’s getting to play soldier and it’s the best game ever.

“Too bad. I have better things to do,” Levi scoffs. Truth be told, he doesn’t. And he did picture working with Eren again today. But the brat doesn’t get to just waltz in like he’s owed Levi’s training.

“But-” Eren begins but Levi never gives him the chance to finish.

“But nothing. You aren’t entitled to my time, shitty brat. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that I like you. You just so happen to be the only snot-nosed kid here interested in the Scouts,” Levi scowls but Eren is completely undeterred. Hange is grinning wildly from the side and he doesn’t even want to ponder what they are thinking about.

“ But I just thought that your training would be really useful. You know, for my first expedition. I wouldn’t want to be eaten by a titan before I can even do any good,” Eren smiles like he just won a game of chess and not like he was talking about the very real possibility of his gorey death. And damnit, it works. Levi hates watching Scouts die pointless deaths. He hates watching them die on their first expedition. He hated how Farlan and Isabel died and he doesn’t want that to happen to anyone else. But why does the brat act like he knows that is Levi’s weak spot? Like he knows anything about Levi?

“Fine. Let’s see if you can stay on a horse. Gear up and be in the stables in thirty minutes,” Levi concedes.

“Yes, sir!” Eren salutes.

The brat is gone and out the door instantly. He has such a smug grin too, like he just won something. Levi is going to make him suffer. Kid might have the endurance of a horse, but he has to break eventually.

"I can see why you like him," Hange comments, still with that shit eating grin. Levi fights the urge to throw something.

"He's a punk with a shitty attitude."

"Yeah, but so are you," Hange counters and Levi is taking a breath to retort before he realizes he has nothing. It's true. Maybe that’s part of why Eren likes him. Neither of them care much for kissing ass or bending to authority.

"Be nice to him. He's Armin's friend. If Eren is getting into the Scouts, I can use that to convince Armin to follow," Hange begins munching on some bread. Where did that even come from?

"I'm going to kick his ass and make him rethink his life decisions," Levi says as he goes to his room. He needs to gear up if he's actually going to train Eren properly. Shit, his ODM skills are disgraceful. He's just starting to train them properly, but if he doesn't get a lot better he's going to be titan food in the first hour of his first expedition.

Levi gets to the stables first, but he's early so he doesn't hold it against Eren. He goes over to his faithful horse, Lark, and begins saddling her. Everything is normal when she goes tense. Head down, ears forward. Danger. The other horses are on edge too. One trots nervously in its stall. Something is wrong. The horses are always the first to sense it, and Levi has learned to trust their instincts.

"Sorry if I'm late," Eren mutters as he enters the stall. The tension doesn't break. Every horse, Lark included, is looking at him like he's a predator. Well, every horse except a gray mare that Eren instantly goes to. He doesn't go right to her though. He stops a few feet away, murmurs it's me, I'm not going to hurt you before offering her a sugar cube. Seems like even the gray one needs coaxing to accept him. And Levi gets the feeling any other horse would want to break his bones if he even tried that with them.

"You're not," Levi answers simply. He goes back to Lark, but is careful and slow with her. She's still weary of Eren and he doesn't need a spooked horse knocking him on his ass. Lark never spooks though. She's only afraid of titans, and only when they get really close.

Eren leads the gray mare out of stables and Levi follows, albeit after a minute, keeping a wide berth between Lark and Eren.

"I hope you're better at riding than ODM. If not you're completely hopeless and should just throw yourself off the wall now," Levi jabs as he mounts Lark. Eren does the same with his steed.

"You sure like to give shit to people that haven't been trained yet," Eren scoffs, as though Levi isn't humanity's strongest and he isn't some cadet brat. As though they are just two people. Friends. Eren is speeding off with his horse before Levi can even answer. His posture is low and tense, better for quick bursts of speed rather than endurance. The kid needs to learn to pace himself.

He taps his heel into Lark's side and she takes off after the other horse. She's not willing to get close to Eren though, and he's not going to make her. Which is a shame because Eren's riding is sloppy and Levi wants nothing more than to explain to him all the ways in which he sucks.

They get close to the cluster of trees that serve as the ODM training grounds. As soon as they are in range Levi fires his anchors and flies off Lark. Maybe he shouldn't have, because Eren takes it as a challenge. Where Levi lands gracefully under the trees, Eren slams into one way too fast. Levi sees it all. He puts his wrist out to catch himself and tilts his head back. He lands directly on it, all of his momentum going up against a single bent wrist. Levi can even hear the crack of bones and pop and broken tendons. That wrist is wrecked, and it’ll be months before he can use it properly. And if it’s bad enough he might not ever get full range of motion back. Levi is going to be pissed if this brat just ended his Scouts career before it even started.

Eren hisses, clutching his wrist to his chest. He’s curled around it defensively, hiding it away from Levi. Levi has no patience for this bullshit.

“Shitty brat! I told you yesterday, nothing fancy,” Levi instantly is yelling at the little shit. He grabs Eren’s shoulder and pulls, trying to turn him around. But Eren hunches in tighter, refusing to let Levi see the damage.

"Oi, brat, let me see it," Levi tugs harder, forcing Eren around. He’s still too hunched over to see the wrist properly. Levi swears he sees a wisp of steam, but that doesn’t make sense. No, it must be dust and his minding playing a trick. Though his mind never plays tricks on him.

"I'm fine, it's fine," Eren huddles in closer, refusing to let Levi inspect his wrist.

"Shitty brat, you can't ignore a broken wrist," Levi has had enough. He grabs him- why is he so hot?- and forces his arms apart so he can get a view.

"It's not broken, just a bit sore," Eren breaths with almost panic. His wrist looks… fine. No swelling, bruising, awkward angles, or jutted out bones. Levi carefully grabs his forearm and pulls it out, giving him a good view. He lightly pokes the area, keeping his eyes on Eren's face, expecting him to wince in pain. He looks scared shitless, but not pained. Levi presses harder, feeling the tendons and flesh. It's hot, but no hotter than the rest of his. Maybe a bit swollen but it all seems intact.

How the fuck? Levi looks up into those cerulean blue eyes, filled with panic and devoid of pain. And for the first time, he thinks that something is really off about Eren. The insane stamina, lack of last name, knowing his moves. It was weird, but excusable. But now Levi  knows this kid has secrets. He doesn’t know what happened. Did he somehow avoid the hit? Can he just pop his bones back into place?

The horses. They knew something was wrong with him. Lark knew. But what? What is different about this kid. Levi looks over him again and again but all he sees is a scared kid. Levi was never really normal either. He was always faster than the others. He could lose more blood without going down, take more hits. He is a born fighter, but his skills were always inexplicably better, even with no practice. And to this day, Levi still doesn’t know why.

Maybe there is something with Eren too. Something different in his biology. Something that he doesn’t understand, but wants to use for good. Because Levi keeps looking and looking, but all he sees is a scared kid. No malice, no ill intent. And he’s damn good at reading people.

"Tch. Don't try anything like that again. ODM gear isn't a damn toy. You treat it like one and you're going to get impaled on a tree," Levi lectures him. Eren nods in that special way where you understand but sure as shit don't agree. Like he knows that he doesn’t need to be as careful as others.

"I'm fucking serious brat, you're going to get ripped apart before the titans can even get to you," Levi throws his wrist back at him. Eren smiles. Why is he smiling? Clearly he has shit for brains. Especially if he was there during the Fall. He should know what titans can do.

"You care about me," his teal eyes shimmer with joy, like this is some kind of revelation. Levi has a dozen sarcastic remarks ready. From I don't want to have to clean up the gore pile you'll leave behind to Shadis is going to be pissed if you up and die . But doesn't say any of that. Maybe because he does care, he feels the need to justify it, excuse it away.

"I care about all my comrades," it's true. He does care about all his comrades. No one should have to be eaten alive, and the fact that people are willing to sign up for it for the sake of humanity shows that they are good people. He expects Eren to tease him, press harder, accuse him of caring too much. But he does none of those things.

"Yeah, you do," he smiles, looking at Levi like he just shit a golden egg. Which is a look he gets a lot, being humanity's strongest. But it's like Eren is in awe about his compassion. Which is not something he's ever been known for.

"You're a weird brat," Levi tch s, still trying to make sense of the interaction.

"Sorry, it's just different from what I'm use to," Eren shakes his head. And yeah, that's another thing that Levi can understand. He had a hard time getting used to people caring for each other. In the underground everyone is out for themselves. Compassion is a luxury that no one could afford.

"Shitty brat, stop flapping your lips. If your wrist is really fine, anchor over there," Levi points to a tree and Eren does so. It's shitty and Levi is there to tell him why. But the next time around he does a little better. Eren picks it up fast, and thanks to his crazy stamina he can keep going and going.

"Oi, shitty brat, you're going to break more than just a wrist doing it like that," Levi growls. Eren kills the gas and stumbles to a halt.

"I'm not made of glass. I'll be fine," Eren whines. Levi sighs. Forget the titans, he's going to get himself killed. Inexplicable hardiness be damned, no one can survive an impaled chest or broken neck.

"When you land, bend your knees to absorb the impact," Levi squats, emphasizing the motion. He catches Eren looking at his ass rather than his knees. Little perverted shit. He shoots up and lands an elbow on Eren's solar plexus. The cadet goes down, naturally, falling on his back, sputtering and coughing. Levi glares down at him, giving the best murderer impression he can offer.

The kid regains his composure pretty fast. Then he's looking up at Levi, a blush spreading across his pretty cheeks. Fuck, does he get off from this kind of treatment? Shit, this backfired. Levi steps away and walks towards Lark.

"Lunch break, brat," he sighs as he mounts his horse. Eren takes a moment to get up and follow.

"Oh, um…." Eren trails off. Levi can hardly hear him over the horses. "I'm not hungry?" It comes out as a question, and a stupid one at that.

"You've been practicing all morning. Don't be a little shit, you won't improve if you don't eat," Levi puts an end to his objections. He likes Eren, but he can be pretty weird. The best Scouts are though, so he'll fit right in.

-

It's a lentil stew, and even the flecks of possibly ham isn't enough to make it appealing. Usually Levi gets somewhat better food, being a captain, but he also spent many meals dining on field rations. And in the underground, you ate whatever you found. So he really isn't that bothered by the sub par meal.

Eren, however, is looking at it like it killed his mother.

"Why the bitchy face? Are you really too spoiled to eat it?" Levi chides, but his suspicion is growing. Eren has been here for over a year. Even if he came from a spoiled home, he had to be used to the food by now.

“You’re one to talk. You look like you’re walking through horse shit,” Eren scoffs. And maybe Levi does have a sneer constantly stuck on his face, but they keep this place a mess. The cadets track mud and who knows what else into every building and no one seems to care enough to clean it.

The obvious deflection doesn’t escape Levi, but Eren does start eating. Albeit slowly and with a look of torture on his face. Which makes Levi think that this kid is has something else- better- to eat. But where and how? Not that he particularly cares. If anything, it just shows the brat is resourceful.

They eat in companionable silence. Though Eren would probably be more mouthy if he wasn’t choking down his stew.

“I gotta go to the bathroom,” Eren says in a rushed breath. He takes his bowl, a little over half empty, to the tray return area before dashing off to the shitting holes. Weird. Maybe he is allergic to something? If that was the case he could have just said something. And Levi doubts he is the kind of person to be too shy to speak up. Brat is loud and proud of just about everything. Maybe didn’t want Levi to think he was whiney.

Whatever. None of his business. Levi finishes his food and returns his tray as well. He just hopes whatever self-inflicted havok is being wrecked on his stomach, it won’t take long. And luckily it doesn’t. Eren pops back in ten minutes later, looking a lot better. Dumbass.

“Come on, you’re going to need every second of training if you ever want to beat someone in hand to hand combat,” Levi ushers the kid towards the sparring grounds. 

“I can sure beat the ass of almost every other cadet,” Eren brags. Right, back to his cocky self.

“And they all are pitiful too,” Levi retorts. They continue their easy banter while they make their way to the thankfully empty training ground.

They start sparring, and this time Levi doesn’t just throw the kid instantly. Instead he shows him blocking and dodging. The kid has freaky stamina, never tiring. His smile is wide and genuine, and he soaks in every piece of advice. He’s actually a pretty fast learner. 

Eren tries to block but Levi sees an opening and twists him around into an elbow lock. Brat gasps and shudders before instantly going still. He’s been beat, again, and he knows it. Eren’s face tilts up and his head twists around, like he’s looking for something.

“Oooooh, looks like Levi caught a pet cadet,” Hange snickers. A blonde cadet, probably Arlert, follows them.

“Shut it, Shitty Glasses,” Levi shoves Eren away with a bit more force than needed. Brat doesn’t seem to mind, just rubs his abused elbow a bit and walks over to the blonde. He begins muttering and snickering to the blonde, and Levi focuses on Hange.

“Well, if you want to say and tearful goodbyes, now is the time. We gotta get going,” Hange explains. Eren cocks his head and looks somewhat sad. Levi, personally, is glad. He’s sick of dealing with uncertainties and too bright eyes. Levi turns and goes towards the stable, not even offering Eren a final glance.

“Will you be back?” Eren asks. Levi stops but doesn’t look back. He ponders it a moment, and shrugs.

“If I’m ordered too,” he replies honestly. He’s a soldier, he goes where he is told to, and doesn't travel far unless instructed.

“Oh,” Eren sounds deflated. Levi can hear the hurt and it tugs at some previously undiscovered heart string. Even Hange gives him a hard elbow to the ribs.

“Probably every few months,” Levi admits. That’s about the frequency when they are trying to recruit cadets. And while he could probably weasel out of the visits, since Hange is the one trying to recruit Arlert, he can tag along as well.

“Oh, great. And we can train some more then?”

“Yeah. We’ll train more then, brat,” Levi sighs and begins walking about. Hange waves goodbye to Arlert, wishing him well before catching up to Levi. That shit eating grin is on their face again.

“Not a word, Shitty Glasses,” Levi groans. He can’t wait to get back to HQ and put this emotional mess behind him.

“See you soon, Levi!” Eren calls out and Levi sighs. Yep, he has a new fanboy. And he isn’t going to be able to shake him any time soon.

Chapter Text

(Begin Sex Scene)

It’s on him the second he wakes up. The need . Eren rolls onto his belly and presses his groin into the mattress. It’s good, but not good enough. He needs more. Damnit, ever since training with Levi, he's been like this. His skin is almost as sensitive as when he first moved into his tiny body but it somehow feels good to touch. Especially his groin. He presses again, harder, into his mattress, rolling his hips. So good and so frustrating.

Eren scans the barracks. Everyone is still. Bernholdt is half off the bed, but that means nothing. He's limp and snoring softly, so Eren decides he's in the clear. He slips out of his bed and leaves for the bathrooms. He should have at least a few minutes before the horn sounds. He picks the stall the furthest from the doors, locks himself in, and glares down at his tented pants.

Why is it doing this? Why now? He tries to press it down but it just bobs right back up. In his loose sleep pants it's entirely noticeable. Apparently it's called 'morning wood', and he's seen what they do to cadets that have it. Fuck, Eren has joined in chasing after his fellow cadets, whipping towels and jeering. He thought he was above this 'morning wood'. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

 He pulls himself loose, gripping at his foreign and engorged member. It feels good, so good. Better than the mattress. He squeezes the tip and a soft gasp escapes his lips. Yes, that's better. But more. He pulls back the delicate skin protecting his head and rubs a thumb along it. Shit, too dry, too much friction. Not good, not good. He whimpers and retracts his thumb.

Despite the pain it's still standing at full attention, and demanding attention. Okay, now he knows to be careful with the head. Dry hands aren't very pleasant. He grabs it once again, squeezing more and enjoying the feeling build up again.

Eren jumps when the horn sounds. Shit. Times up. But he's still hard. And he's made a lot of enemies when it comes to morning wood in the locker room. Lots of towels snapped painfully against his fellow cadets for their morning wood.

A barrage of groggy cadets flood into the bathroom. Then there's a loud bang against his stall door.

"You better not be stinking up the bathroom right before everyone needs it," Jean hollars but didn't stick around for an answer.

"Jean, you shouldn't interrupt people when they're on the toilet," Marco's voice follows. Eren looks back down and all the rigidity has left him. He's normal again. Well, that's one problem solved.

(End Sex Scene)

He's nervous to join the showers but luckily his lower half stays soft and no one whips his ass with a towel. It's all in all an uneventful shower but Eren is still wound tight and frustrated. He gets some jerky from his secret meat stash for breakfast, but it doesn't help with the tension.

He goes straight for the table when they arrive at the mess hall for breakfast, still munching on his meat. Armin and Mikasa are away getting their own food and Eren is gnawing at the jerky with more aggression than needed. At least the other cadets seem to understand it and ignore him. Although...

He's tried asking his humans about sex stuff. Mikasa vanishes and Armin turns into a tomato. Neither are helpful. But maybe the other humans can help? They're constantly talking about their dicks and what they want to do with them.

"Oh walls, I had the worst neighbors. Every night they would practice their singing, but they sounded like a dying cat," Bernholdt groans, adding to a conversation that Eren hadn't been paying any attention to.

"Hey, how do you masterbate?" As soon as he says it, the table breaks out into chaos. Connie is cackling, Christa gasps, Marco chokes on his bread. Oops, looks like that is a question he shouldn’t have asked. The humans constantly talk about sex, so what is wrong with asking how to do it himself?

“Eren, the fuck?” Ymir glares and covers Christa’s ears, who is currently beet red. Somehow more red than Armin gets.

“What? Connie told a story about falling on his balls, but I can’t ask how to masterbate?” Eren shoots back.

“That’s different. Walls, why are you so weird,” Ymir grunts.

“Hey, it’s not his fault if he never figured it out,” Connie jumps to his defense. “Some guys learn slower than others,” he adds.

“Uh, sure, why bring it up during breakfast?” Jean sneers but Connie ignores him entirely.

“You know what I like to do? I go out of base to those pine trees near the east side, find a nice, big pinecone, and, well, you know…” Connie waggles his brows and the table is entirely silent.

“I’m sure all the guys here can attest to how nice a pinecone is for that,” he adds to the rest of the table, tone heavy with a suggestion.

“Oh yeah, absolutely,” Jean answers, biting back a grin. “Those little green ones can be nice too,” he nods.

“Guys, maybe we shouldn’t-” Marco begins but is quickly talked over.

“No, I think we should tell Eren the tip about the pinecones,” Reiner nods thoughtfully.

“Pinecones? What do I do with a pinecone?” Eren is racking his brain but is at a complete loss. He doesn’t see how they would fit together at all.

“Oh, you get alone with a pinecone in your hand, and you’ll know,” Connie explains and the others nod. Eren’s still trying to piece them together.

“Am I suppose to rub it or what?” Eren asks.

“Just trust your body, you’ll know when you’re there,” Jean explains. Eren is about to demand answers but he sees Armin and Mikasa coming towards their table. And he’s really tempted to ask his humans what the fuck he is suppose to do with a pinecone. But he’s decided to figure this out without them.

“Alright, fine. Bernholdt, keep talking about your neighbors,” Eren clumsily tries to change the topic before his humans are within ear shot. The other humans exchange knowing looks and seem to accept the topic change.

“Right, so my neighbor had this idea to be a singer-” Bernholdt continues his story as Mikasa and Armin sit down. Eren is still trying to figure out what the hell he does with the pinecone.

After their meals finish the horns blare, sounding the beginning of the training. And as usual, they start with running laps. Eren scans the grounds for a pinecone. He still doesn’t understand, but everyone insisted he’d get it. So maybe if he is looking at one, it’ll make more sense.

“What are you looking for?” Armin asks softly. 

“Nothing! It’s nothing,” Eren yelps, looking away. He really would like to ask Armin for clarification, but Armin simply cannot answer these questions. He asked how people made babies and Armin was incapable of answering with any level of detail. No, he can’t go to Armin for this one.

“Jeeze, alright. Are you okay, Eren? You’ve been tense,” Armin asks. “Does it have anything to do with Levi?” Eren shudders at being called out.

“No… Yes… Get off my back, it’s fine,” Eren snaps and Armin raises his hands in defense.

“Alright, sorry I asked,” he grumbles and Eren sighs. They fall into a comfortable silence and Eren’s mind now shifts away from pinecones to Levi.

He has something to do with it. Has to. It was only after Eren met him that he got this issue. And when he thinks about Levi he gets those weird feelings again. And he had an idea of what they mean, but human mating is so damn complicated.

Armin talks about finding a girl to fall in love with and have kids with. But then he met Ymir and Christa, and turns out you can love and mate with someone without making kids. And then Jean started blabbing about prostitutes, which are apparently people you pay to mate with. Eren is unsure if you get a kid at the end or not and no one answered him when he asked. So you can have sex, love, kids, gay, straight, casual, marriage. It's a damn complicated mess that Eren has been happy to ignore. But now he wants to know what's wrong with him, what these feelings mean, and can he fix them?

The only couple that he knows is Ymir and Christa. And maybe Christa could help, if she could ever give a straight answer, but Ymir is nothing but a ball of sarcasm and bad advice. But who else…

Eren spies a couple of humans across the track. They don't really hang around his group as much. Hannah and Franz, he recalls. And they are grossly in love, according to Connie. Eren picks up his pace, enough to get a few what the fuck from those he passes. But he's a titan on a mission and he needs advice.

"Hey, you're Hannah and Franz, right?" Eren asks as he slows beside them.

"Yeah, and you're Eren," Franz smiles back.

"You're pretty hard to miss with how loud you can be," Hannah chuckles. And Eren can't really disagree. He can be loud, especially with Jean around.

"Sorry about that," Eren apologizes. Hopefully he isn't too much of a pain to the other cadets.

"Don't be. At least you're quiet as a mouse when you sleep. That's all I care about," Franz waves him off. Eren really doesn't know what it's like sleeping in the barracks. With the regular meat he can stay up later but he's still usually the first to bed. He doesn't experience anything until morning. But he's heard Armin complain a fair bit about snoring. Ah, well. That's a human problem, and he has his own problems.

"That's good. But I have a few questions," Eren moves to the point. They look confused and put out so Eren quickly elaborates. "About relationships. You're kinda the only couple I know. Well, that doesn't have an asshole in it anyway," he glances over to Ymir and Christa.

"Aww, do you have a crush?" Hannah is back to her bubbly self and Franz is also smiling. Something about it rubs Eren wrong but he actively makes an attempt to reign in his anger.

"I don't know, maybe," he grumbles, trying to shake off their patronizing tone. "How do you know?"

"Well, do you want to be around her all the time?" Franz begins. Levi isn't a 'her' but Eren thinks that he doesn't need to correct them. He wants to be around Levi more anyway, maybe not all the time though.

"Do you worry about what she thinks of you?" Hannah picks up. He hadn't before but now that he thinks about it...

"A flutter in your chest just thinking about her?" Levi makes many things flutter.

"Do you hate it when she leaves?" Eren was pretty sad when Levi had to leave him.

"Yeah. To all of it. Or most of it. I think, I don't know," Eren groans, trying to work through what they said and how it fits.

"Oh yeah, you have it bad," Franz laughs. "I can see it on your face."

"Alright, fine. I have a crush. What do I do about it?" Eren snaps. Shit, he needs to keep his temper in check. Be friendly. Don't yell at people.

"You want to win her over? Well, you went to the right place," Franz grins wildly and brings Hannah in for a hug. She stumbles a bit but giggles anyway. Gross. Will it be like that with Levi? Eren hopes not.

"Talk to her, take time out of your day to be with her," Franz begins. Easy enough to do, when Levi is actually around. He's ordered to spend time with Levi, but getting Levi here with him is the hard part.

"Okay, but how do I get them to want to be around me?" If Eren could get Levi coming back more, that'd be a great first step.

"Well, that's where you need to be bold. Let her know that you're interested!" Franz smiles. And aside from walking up to him and saying I like you, let's be in a relationship together Eren doesn't know how to do that.

"Flowers!" Hannah cuts in. "Remember that giant bouquet of flowers you got me?" She nudges Franz’ side.

"Oh yeah, I spent hours finding them." Flowers? Eren looks around. It's fall so there's nothing around in bloom. Hopefully they have more tips.

"And those cheesy pick-up lines," Hannah laughs again and Franz joins in. "We were walking through a field when he just flopped right into his back. I thought he tripped or something but then he looks up at me and says, 'I've fallen for you'." They both burst out laughing. Eren is now utterly lost. Why does he need to fall? What does it mean? Damn, humans are so weird. He's never going to understand why they do the things they do. 

"Alright, alright, I think I get it," Eren lies. He sighs and glares at the ground. Why is this shit so complicated? Titans don't mate but if they did, it'd be easy and simple. Now he needs to get flowers and fall down.

"Hey, buck up. You'll win her over, I'm sure," Franz slaps Eren's back.

"Yeah. Hope so. Thanks for the advice," he grumbles and picks up his pace. How is he supposed to do any of that stuff if Levi isn't around? It's hopeless.

Eren realizes he's running too fast for too long when Connie huffs out a what the hell the second time Eren passes him. Right. Humans get tired. He slows his pace to a light trot. Humans do a lot of things. Eren once again curses the species for being so damn complicated.

"What was that about?" Mikasa is suddenly beside him, looking suspicious. 

"Nothing, just making friends," Eren shrugs. Both her and Armin get so fidgety when he talks to anyone without them around. Like he's just going to blurt out hey guys, I'm a titan .  

"Eren. I know that you're up to something. Tell me," Mikasa says. Damn, she had no patience today. But maybe it's for the best that Eren comes clean. If he's going to be picking out a bouquet of flowers for Levi, maybe she could give some guidance.

"Alright, fine. I think that I have a…" Eren stalls, trying to remember the word Hannah used. "Crush," he recalls. Which is such a weird word for it because he doesn't want to crush anything, but humans just hate to make sense.

"You have a what? Eren, why do you think that? On who ?" Mikasa hisses. Jeez, why is she always mad about this kind of stuff?

“Well, for the last couple days when I wake up my penis is-”

“Eren, no. Stop, I don’t want to hear this,” Mikasa steps back. “Nevermind about why. Who do you have a crush on?”

"Levi-" Eren starts but can’t even get a second word out.

"Levi? Seriously Eren, Levi?" Mikasa growls. She grabs him and pulls him off the track and behind a shed. Uh oh. That must mean she's ready for a fight, and so is Eren. “What happened to just lay eggs ?”

"Yeah, Levi. What's wrong with Levi?" Eren responds. "He's great. He's strong and ruthless and nice and-"

"And the single most efficient titan killer humanity has to offer,” Mikasa cuts them off. And yeah, there is that, but Levi cares about his comrades. That’s what he said, he cares about all of his comrades. And Eren is one of his comrades.

“He just doesn’t understand. You said it yourself, people don’t understand, you know. My kind,” Eren looks around, making sure no one is listening in.

“He doesn’t and he does, Eren. He spent his entire life killing titans. Do you really think you can just change everything? Just like that?”

“I don’t want to change anything. I’m an exception, that’s all,” Eren still wants Levi to kill titans. Just not him .

“Yeah, you are an exception. And they are excited about that. Remember what Armin said? About weaponizing?” Mikasa presses. Eren sucks in a breath at the memory. Walls, he hates the thought. Humans are supposed to care about each other. And he knows that he isn’t a human, but he feels like if he acts the part, they should still treat him like one.

“Yeah, but-”

“There are no ‘but’s, Eren. If you want to try to connect with them, connect after you leave. When you can run away,” Mikasa sighs. And yeah, maybe she is right. Once he gets out of the walls, he can put space between him and the Scouts if he needs.

“What if this is my only time to get to know them though?” Eren asks. “What if, after this, it’s just me watching them and never… talking. Laughing. Being human with them.” All the human stuff that they do. Eren wants that. He wants to be human with the Scouts.

“You’ll just have to have hope,” Mikasa answers. Her anger is gone and he can feel the sympathy. And at least he has his humans.

-

Shadis is his office, reflecting on cadet files and making notes of who is improving and how. His dinner is half eaten and forgotten. When he switched to the Cadet Corp, he had no idea just how much of the job would be dealing with people. Every cadet is an individual with skills and weaknesses. His job is to toe a fine line, trying to see the unique potential in each one while ensuring all have the same skill set needed to survive. He might spend all day yelling at them, but he values the young blood. Who they are and what they will do for society. 

So he almost misses the knock on the door. But he doesn’t, so he puts the files and pen down. “Come in,” he answers. The cadets should be eating dinner right now, and the staff usually don’t bother him in the afternoons.

It’s Eren. No last name. Virtually nothing on his intake file. The only thing was that he was within Wall Maria when it fell and has no family. He’s the oddest cobbling of extreme weaknesses and extreme strengths. In the right circumstances, he can be a super soldier. In the wrong one, less than useless. 

“Cadet, you better have a good reason for disturbing me, otherwise I’ll be having you running laps instead of breakfast,” he hollers at the strange youth. Eren moves into a salute, well used to the routine at this point. But instead of answering with a bold voice and eyes forward, he stalls. His fist falls from his chest and he looks around. Odd behavior for the normally loud and angry cadet.

“I found a pinecone, but I still didn’t know what to do with it…” he mutters to the floor. Shadis blinks and tries to think if he doled out some pinecone related punishments lately. But no, Eren hasn’t gotten in trouble recently, and he isn’t one for unusual, pinecone related punishments.

“Cadet, that doesn’t answer my question. I don’t care what you do with a pinecone, but if this isn’t going anywhere I might make you wash up with one,” Shadis yells. He doesn’t know what this is about, but he doesn’t appreciate cadets wasting his time.

“I don’t know how to masterbate, and when I asked the guys how, Connie told me to use a pinecone. And I know this isn’t a normal thing to ask you, but I don’t know who else to ask,” Eren explains with a frustrated sigh and Shadis is left speechless. Absolutely no words.

Eren has no family. Orphaned in the Fall, or maybe even before. But he grew up without parents, so it makes sense that he doesn’t understand sex. Poor kid. Suddenly the scene changes in Shadis’ head. Eren isn’t an aspiring soldier, not here. Not now. No, he’s just a kid who grew into a man’s body without anyone there to explain it to him. And through fate, Shadis is the only vaguely father figure in his life. He never married or had kids of his own, but today, for now, he can try to be a father.

“I see. Well then, take a seat. I’ll explain some things to you,” Shadis says, dropping his drill sergeant tone. Eren brightens up instantly. “And close the damn door,” Shadis adds. This is going to be a painful conversation, but someone has to be there to teach these kids.

-

The guest house at the cadet core was filthy. Probably hadn't seen a proper cleaning in years. So naturally Levi could never really get clean there. Then it was a two day horse ride, which is even worse. Filth and mud and grime clings to him. The fall brings the wetness, and the wetness brings insects that get everywhere.

So when they roll up the Scouts HQ Levi wants nothing more than to go straight to his personal shower. And he damn well intends to. Except Erwin is right there, ready to greet them. Or block Levi's path to his shower. Either way, Levi is in no mood.

"Commander, to what do we owe the honor?" Hange asks as they leave the wagon. Much more peppy than Levi. Good, maybe they can distract Erwin.

"Call it intuition. Tell me, have you turned up anything interesting?" He asks Hange. Straight to business. Shit, Hange is going to go off andLevi is going to be trapped here for hours. Levi needs a bath and if Erwin hears-

"Very. Something is up with some of the cadets. I don't know what, but I think they might be able to lead us to a huge discovery," Hange leans in close. Fuck. Now Levi is going to be spending another two hours stewing in filth while they blather on with each other.

"I knew to trust your intuition. Come on, let's discuss this inside," Erwin is sure to make sure contact with Levi, as though he knows what he's thinking about. Probably does.

"This better not take long. I smell like a horse took a shit on a dead cat," Levi bitches as he follows the commander inside. 

"I understand this must be difficult for you Levi, but I would like to understand what we are dealing with," Erwin brushes off Levi and Levi is very close to snapping back but thinks better of it. Erwin tolerates his mouthiness but Levi tries not to test things too much.

"We're dealing with something big, I know it. Maybe not the cadets themselves, but they know something that we need to know too," Hange starts at soon as they enter the meeting room. They instantly go to the chalk board and start writing out things they noted. Erwin is happy enough to talk to them, huddled around the board. Levi spends the time picking off stray filth from his jacket. Honestly, why does he even have to be here? This is Hange's mess and Levi is more than happy to let them deal with it themselves.

"Levi, can you confirm this?" Erwin is looking at him as though he was paying any attention.

"Confirm what? That I need a shower and you both need to let me go already? Then yes, can confirm." Levi grouses.

"That you worked with an anomalous cadet," Erwin sighs heavily. Maybe Levi should be taking this more seriously. Shit, it's probably important. But it's not his forte and he doesn't appreciate being forced into this. He kills titans and, if the situation calls for it, smashes in faces. He doesn't do sleuthing or researching or charming. 

"You talked all about how Eren is off. You called him a freak several times," fucking Hange jumps in. Making more work for Levi. He already relayed all the details to them anyway.

"He's weird, but he's not the one that knows too much about titans," Levi defends.

"No, but there's a connection," Erwin cuts off their squabble and moves to the chalkboard "Arlert knows an inexplicable amount about titans and we need to figure out how." Erwin writes an A and circles it before drawing an arrow with a question mark. "Arlert is close to two other cadets, Ackerman and Eren, who he joined the military with." Erwin continues to expand the connections to A on the board.

"During your time with Eren, you noticed a number of abnormalities. And while on their own they wouldn't raise suspicion, simply his connection to Arlert is enough for an investigation. Every idiosyncrasy above needs that to be considered. Levi, can you go into detail about what you observed?" Erwin pauses his drawing, hovering the chalk under the letter E on the board. 

"No last name. Very high stamina levels. Can take a hell of a beating. Horses don't like him. And he seems to be familiar with how I use my gear," Levi hates to mention the last part because he knows it's going to get Erwin all worked up. And sure enough, he's written all the traits down but stalls at that one. Erwin's face darkens and Levi legitimately feels sorry for the hellstorm his commander is planning.

"How familiar? Could it have been a fluke?"

"No. He was trying to copy moves only I do, but I never did them in front of him," Levi elaborates. He has a unique style with the gear. His instincts and fast reflexes let him pull off extreme maneuvers that other people know not to try. Which is why Levi doesn't doubt that Eren has seen him before. There's no other explanation.

"Then he's just as suspicious as Arlert, if not more so. The only time you use your gear is outside the walls. He has no reason to know them." Erwin, just as Levi predicted, angrily circles the E on the board. If there is one thing he hates, it's when people know things that he doesn't. If there is some kind of subterfuge or spying going on, it'll send Erwin into a tizzy. But he has a point. Eren has no right knowing, unless…

"He did say that he was with Arlert during the fall. Maybe he saw me then," Levi offers. And it's perfectly reasonable. He was there, fighting off the titans. Maybe Eren happened to be in the same area. Erwin seems only mildly assuaged.

"That's when Arlert says he gained his knowledge…" Erwin mutters to himself. The room falls silent as his commander looks at the board, trying to piece things together. "I want both of you to keep a close eye on them. All three of them. Tell them it's about recruiting them. I want the pretense to stay that we consider Arlert a prodigy. I don't want them to think that we suspect them. But gather as much information as you can."

"Yes, sir," Hange is eager to go back into the fray. Levi is the exact opposite.

"Oi, why bother me with this stuff? You know I don't play nice or make friends," Levi snaps back.

"Normally I would send a more…  charismatic scout, yes," Erwin explains. "But Hange was saying that Eren took quite a liking to you. I don't know why, but keep doing whatever you're doing to earn his trust. Arlert is guarded, and according to the Cadet Corp's records, Ackerman is even more reserved. Eren might very well be their weak link, and you are his weakness." Despite his best efforts, heat creeps across Levi's face.

"Oi! What are you saying, shitty brows?" Because what it sounds like Erwin is saying is that Levi should try to, what, seduce Eren for information? 'Be his weakness', whatever the fuck that means? Erwin, however, looks only mildly confused.

"Er, right. I didn't bring it up, buuut… Eren might have a crush on Levi. Was apparently flirting with him," Hange explains with a cheeky little grin. They even go as far as to snicker, which Levi responds with his best glare.

"Interesting…" Erwin mumbles. "Doesn't change the plan though. I want you to get close to Eren however you see fit. Learn what he knows and how. Him and Arlert are highly suspicious and cannot be ignored. If Eren has an interest in you, use it to your advantage." Erwin nods and Levi deflates. He's angry and small, not exactly seduction material. And as flattering as Eren's interest is, he's not about to whore himself out for the Scouts.

"Tch. I'll keep an eye on the brat but he's not getting in my pants," Levi stares down Erwin.

"It's at your discretion, but do keep in mind what is at stake," Erwin counters with his own stare.

"Understood," Levi grunts, accepting his role. He's still not going to fuck the brat though. "But I'm taking a damn shower now," Levi stands but stalls briefly. As much shit as he gives Erwin, he's still Levi's commanding officer.

"Dismissed," Erwin waves him off and Levi is off to the exit immediately. "Though I expect to talk with you later for any follow up questions," Erwin adds. Levi just grunts good acceptance and makes a beeline for his private quarters. When he gets there he practically has to peel his clothes off. Horrid. But then he's naked in his bathroom and finally, finally it is time.

(Begin Sex Scene)

Warm, hot, blessed water. Walls, showers are amazing. Especially after a long day traveling through the countryside. Levi scrubs soap into his hair, washing all of the dirt and grim away. He scrubs every inch of his skin clean, relaxing into the water and his own touch. Finally he can let the past few days go. Those days of travel. Erwin and Hange chasing after the truth which may or may not exist. And that fucking brat. Loud and obnoxious, no respect. Stunning teal eyes and a passion Levi’s never seen before. His mind lingers on the boy because, well, he is pretty weird. Not in a bad way though. Levi really does think he’ll make a good fit for the Scouts. And though he isn’t going to let Erwin whore him out, well. It’s not bad being wanted. He's only mildly surprised to find that he's a little firm.

He'd never admit it aloud, but part of him enjoyed Eren's… less than subtle interest. It's been a couple years now since he's felt wanted in that way. Getting dumped by Denis was a blow to his ego and having a hot young man pawing at him did more for him then he would like to think.

He grips himself and gives an experimental tug. His lower half responds eagerly, raising to full mast with just a few more pumps. He normally doesn't like to think about people he knew, but Eren was all over him, and the brat never needed to know that the attraction is at least a little reciprocated.

Shit, the brat has some nice lips. Levi can practically see them wrapped around his member. He wonders if the little shit can take his full length in his mouth, or will he have to use hands too. Would those teal eyes darken when they look up at him? Levi can only imagine what his back side is like. A firm ass, hair let down and flowing freely, legs around Levi's hips. That deep rumble of a voice going high pitched as Levi slams into him again and again and-

He comes with a hiss. His seed is painting the side of his private showers and is quickly washed away. It doesn't take long for his post jack off session shame to hit. Shit, what is he getting into? First Eren was all over him, now Erwin is telling him to play along. And he might be not interested in anything happening, but his lower half certainly is. Damn, this is exactly why he hates these types of missions. He is good at killing, not flirting . Walls save him, he has a thin line to tread.

(End Sex Scene)

Chapter Text

“Anything?” Sasha whines, and Eren feels her pain.

“These squirrel tracks look fresh, but everything else is at least a few days old,” Eren whines as well.

“Ugh, we can’t catch a squirrel without a real trap or a bow,” Sasha says, which Eren had already learned the hard way. Those little fuckers are fast.

“Do you think we can rig something up?” Eren pleads. It’s been a week since he last ate, and he’s getting hungry. That deep gnawing hunger that shatters his mind and makes him look at the other cadets is bad ways. It was like this last winter too though, and he managed to get by. He can do it again.

“Mm, not for a squirrel. For something bigger we could, but squirrels can wiggle out of almost anything,” Sasha explains, biting her lip. “I want some meat as much as you, but I think today isn’t our day.” Eren snorts at her words. He’s pretty damn sure he wants meat a lot more than her. She can at least eat the plant food. But she is right, today isn’t their day.

“Fine. Come on, Shadis wanted to meet with us anyway,” Eren begins walking about to the base.

“You don’t think he knows about our hunting, right?” Sasha asks nervously.

“Nah, he wasn’t screaming when he said it. Besides, we also wanted Jean and Reiner to come too.” If Eren had to guess, it’s some random chore he wants to saddle off to cadets.

“Hmm, maybe it’s a supply run? I saw the carts coming in a few days ago, so maybe it’s time for us to pick up the odds and ends?” Sasha muses, and it makes sense. Every time they get new supplies, there’s always smaller things the carts don’t bring. And Shadis sends cadets out to the cities to grab them. Eren hasn’t been since he screwed up the last time, but maybe he’s getting a second chance?

“Well let’s go then. We might still be able to go today,” Eren trots forward. He likes the human cities, especially the market places.

When they get to Shadis’ offices, Jean and Reiner are already leaving, Reiner holding a piece of paper and Jean reading over his shoulder

“Ooooh, so it is a supply run?” Sasha pushes ahead.

“Yeah, we’re going off to Houtbergen to buy some spices and seasonings,” Reiner nods.

“Probably all for the officers too. The food here is so bland, we are lucky to get pepper,” Jean groans, but Eren doesn’t care in the slightest. It’s just plants on plants, none of it is food to him. What he does care about is getting his list so he can go explore a human town.

“Quit your whining horse face,” Eren walks past him and knocks on the door. Shadis quickly calls them to come in and he and Sasha are walking in before Jean has time for a response.

“Ah, good, I was hoping you two wouldn’t be long,” Shadis shuffles around his papers. “Sasha, I need you to go to Bonnfingen for some mechanical supplies. Wires and pulleys, things of that nature,” he hands over the list to her. “It’s only a few things, so go alone. Eren, I need you and one other cadet to go to Gladenfeld for general supplies. Soaps, clothes, lanterns,” Shadis prattles off, handing the list to Eren.

“Yes, sir,” Eren and Sasha give mirrored salutes before leaving.

“Gah, I wish I went to Houtbergen. Maybe I can trade lists with one of the other two,” Sasha mutters before running off after the Jean and Reiner. Whatever. Eren wanders off as well, going to the largely empty mess hall to try to read the list in peace.

Eren reads over the list, trying to make sense of the words. He understands the number 5 and bars of soap but the word between them is long and weird and he has no hope of saying it.

“So, what’s on the list this time?” Connie asks. Why is he always asking questions? Then again, the little human also loves to go on supplies runs too. Probably trying to cozy up so he can go along too.

“The usual. Soap, socks, things like that,” Eren shrugs and puts away the list. He did see those two words, but he’s going to have to have Armin go through it because there’s a lot of words on there he doesn’t know.

“Think you’ll get to go to the market plaza?” Connie asks, eye’s shining.

“Probably. We might even get some free samples,” Eren shrugs, taunting the kid. The market plaza is a pretty cool place. Everyone is trying to sell something and there are so many sights and smells. Sometimes there’s even street performers doing shows.

“I’m sure. He always sends us to the plaza, unless we act up. It’s just a reward for behaving, you know that, right?” Annie sighs before taking a sip of tea. She’s probably right. Every cadet is excited when it’s their turn to go on the supply run. And Sasha was sent to that creepy back alley instead of the plaza after she stole all those carrots…

“Hey, Eren, if you need a hand carrying some stuff, I could-” Connie begins.

“Fuck no, I’m taking Mikasa with me, not you,” Eren swats him away. He’d take Armin too, but he’s only allowed to take one other cadet with him, and Armin just went last time anyway.

“But she’s a girl, I’m sure I could carry more than her,” Connie argues. And that is such bullshit. Eren is about to explain exactly why, but Annie beats him to it.

“Funny that you say that, since Sasha regularly pins you in spars. And Mikasa is way stronger than Sasha. I’m sure she could carry all the supplies with you on her back,” Annie explains cooly.

“Yeah, what she said,” Eren nods in agreement. Humans can be so weird about the sexes.

“Hey, I didn’t mean anything mean, it’s just biology,” Connie squawks and Annie turns to face him with a full glare. Looks like she has this, Eren should go find his humans anyway.

“Connie,” she growls and Eren takes his leaves.

“Have fun you two, I’m going now,” Eren says, though they both ignore him. If he needs to keep his nose clean to go to the plaza, he’s not going to get involved in any fights.

Mikasa is in the barracks, cleaning her ODM gear, with Armin idly laying on his bunk.

“Oh, Eren, did you get a shopping list?” Armin asks, turning his head to Eren.

“Yep,” he hands the list to Armin, expecting him to read off the items.

“This isn’t too bad, shouldn’t be too heavy,” Armin nods thoughtfully before handing the list back.

“But what are they?” Eren scowls. Armin knows he’s not good at reading.

“You should probably at least try to read it,” Armin nods with an encouraging smile. Eren glares.

“Why should I? I can just have you guys read whatever I need,” Eren counters.

“Because we won’t always be around for it,” Mikasa chimes in.

“She’s right, we aren’t around you every hour of every day,” Armin nods. Eren makes a pissed off grunt but can’t disagree.

“Five… hi-po-all…” he tries his best to sound out the word but it’s a mess of letters and he can’t remember all the rules. Shit, why are letters so complicated?

“Hypoallergenic,” Armin reads over his shoulder. “It means it won’t cause rashes or anything, if you have sensitive skin,” he adds. Right, rashes. Humans sometimes get injured just by touching the wrong thing. It really is amazing how they can manage to kill titans when they are so weak and delicate.

“Five hypoallergenic bars,” he tries to pronounce the word right and understand how the letters fit to make the sounds. “One liter… flax?” He guesses the word and Armin nods approvingly. “Flax seed oil,” he continues, reading down the list. It’s a slow process but he knows most of the words, and Armin teaches him the ones he doesn’t know.

“It’s still early, if we want to go today,” Eren observes the sun still high in the sky.

“Sure,” Mikasa shrugs and puts away her ODM gear. The cables still seem a bit dirty, but she can finish cleaning later. Right now, it’s time to go to the market.

They change into street clothes, grab some extra large bags, and they are trotting off on their horses. The area outside the base is calm and screen, away from rowdy teenagers. The air is crisp and cool from the coming winter. Eren sighs peacefully, taking in the new scents. His mind wanders to the Scouts and Levi. He wonders when he will see them again. Levi did say they’ll keep in contact.

“Are you thinking about the Scouts again?” Mikasa asks, and her puckered face is a sure sign that she isn’t happy about it.

“No. Why would you think that?” Eren lies.

“You always get that dopey look when you are. Don’t lie,” Mikasa calls him out. Damnit, how can she read him like that?

“Maybe I was. So what?” He mumbles.

“Don’t test our luck, Eren. We were lucky they didn’t notice anything. Every time we see them is an opportunity for them to realize something isn’t right,” Mikasa explains with thin patience. Eren scowls.

“You know I’m going to join them eventually,” Eren counters.

“Yes, for a few weeks, hopefully less. You’ll have to keep your head down and talk to no one. Stay locked away in your room as much as you can, and when they send you on an expedition, you run the first chance you can,” Mikasa lays out their plan.

Eren hates that plan. He's spent years watching the Scouts and this is his chance to actually meet them. Once he leaves, he won't be able to talk to them again. He'll be just another titan again. Mikasa gives him a hard look and continues.

"Eren, that is the plan. Tell me that you'll follow the plan," Mikasa pushes.

"The plan is stupid," Eren snaps. "I've been here for well over a year and no one suspects anything. Everyone just sees me as another human. I know things were rough when I was first learning, but I'm good now. I can act like a human. There's no reason for me to hide in a room."

"The cadets think you're a cat," Mikasa rebuts and Eren jumps at the claim.

"Why does everyone think I'm a cat? How stupid are humans? Fuck," Eren shoots back. Dumbass humans, they think that titan rumbles are purrs because they are too stupid to understand the rumbles. Are humans the same as horses because they both talk with their mouths? No, and titans aren’t cats!

"The Scouts actually deal with titans. They'll be able to connect the dots a lot faster. You can't underestimate them."

"I haven't rumbled around humans for months. I'll be fine around the Scouts," Eren yells. He's sick of this conversation, he's sick of Mikasa constantly telling him what to do. He clicks his tongue, signaling for the horse to go faster and luckily Mikasa let's him have his distance.

Neither speak again until they get into the town and by then Eren's anger is long forgotten. It's a lively town full of cozy brick houses and colorful awnings. They ride through the streets and a couple of kids come running by. The smells of dust and rotting wood mix with simple stews and fireplaces. It’s relaxing and charming in a way that the Cadet Corp never can be.

“Why do we have to wear these clothes anyway?” Eren groans, picking at the poorly fitted simple clothes. It’s too short and too loose but still hugs his arms tightly. Just overall a bad fit. It would be easier to just wear his Cadet uniform. And the humans seem to respect the Cadets, much more than they respect the Scouts.

“The military has money and people know it. Vendors will raise the price if they know we can afford it,” Mikasa explains.

“I thought they liked the Cadets though?” Eren asks, trying to make sense of the human ways. Though when it comes to money, there seems to be an entirely different set of rules.

“They do. But they need money. They’ll get it however they can,” Mikasa explains some more and Eren can tell he is wearing down her patience.

“We didn’t need money,” he shrugs. Before they joins the Cadets, they got money sometimes but they could get by without it too. What they really needed was food. Humans eat a lot, and get weak fast without it.

“We were street orphans, Eren. They don’t want to be like us,” Mikasa scowls.

“What was so bad about it?” Eren actually likes those early memories. Learning the ways of humans, travelling, getting to find and take what they needed to survive.

“You don’t understand. Maybe you can’t. We used to have homes and families. Food every night and a warm bed,” Mikasa breaths, and Eren swears that her eyes are wet. No, he doesn’t understand. That sounds boring, and he would much rather be a ‘street orphan’ than be stuck in one place with nothing to fight for. But clearly humans are different, and Eren isn’t going to make Mikasa cry.

“Maybe one day you can have that again,” he instead says, and that pulls a smile from her.

“Maybe one day,” she smiles wishfully. Maybe humans truly are different like that. But with how hard Mikasa works to help him, she really does deserve it. Even if it sounds horrible to Eren.

The market plaza is entirely different from most of the town. It’s lively and bustling, full of stalls and people yelling about the benefits of their goods. They hitch their horses and start to move through the crowds on foot. Eren reviews the list, trying to remember the new words that Armin taught him. Well, first up is the soap, so they pick a soap vendor at random.

“Hypoallergenic? No, but I have lavender, good for sensitive skin,” the vendor holds out a bar for them to inspect. The smells are potent and mix together in a way that makes Eren’s nose tickle.

“No, we need hypoallergenic,” Mikasa shakes her head and begins to step away.

“We have a special blend! Better than hypoallergenic,” the vendor yells but Mikasa doesn’t go back. Eren trots after her.

“Maybe we should try his soap? He said better than hypoallergenic,” Eren asks. If it’s better and costs less, it seems like a good deal.

“He’s lying, he just wants a sale,” Mikasa explains and Eren tries to understand. Humans sometimes lie but also get upset when you lie. And it’s completely hopeless to figure out when they can and cannot lie.

“They are allowed to do that?” Eren asks, trying to figure out when humans lie. Mikasa sighs deeply, almost a groan.

“Somewhat. It depends on how obvious the lie is. Saying it’s ‘better’ is vague and he could probably argue it. Plus, it depends on if he actually gets caught, and most people aren’t going to call the police for it,” Mikasa tries to help Eren understand. It still doesn’t make sense though. Some lies are ‘obvious’ and others are ‘vague’ and now the police need to be involved? Eren got yelled at by the other cadets when he got caught in a lie about a missing sausage. So why can’t other people just yell at the vendor for lying?

“Don’t worry about it,” Mikasa shakes her head. “Just let me worry about finding the right things.” Probably smart. Eren only went on one run before and he bought the wrong stuff. Shadis yelled at him for hours and he had to do laps until sunset.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eren sighs. Whatever. Parsing the stalls is boring human stuff anyway. He mostly wants to people-watch and see what other things they are selling. He wanders away from Mikasa to smell some candles.

“You like the candles? I have something perfect for a young man like you,” the vendors shuffle arounds and pulls out a red candle, long and slender. “Pumpkin and cinnamon. Light it when you are with a woman and your passions will last all night,” he nods and hands the candle towards Eren. It smells sweet and spicy but he doesn’t really understand what the vendor means. Why does he have to be with a woman for it to work?

“Nah, people say I’m too passionate already,” Eren shakes his head and for whatever reason that makes the vendor laugh a deep belly laugh.

“A real lover, I see, I see,” he says.

“Eren! I found the soap,” Mikasa calls from down the street and Eren moves to her.

“I have something for your girl as well, come back!” But Eren leaves the vendor. If you never walk away, they’ll never stop talking. He’s learned that much.

“Hey, Mikasa, why do I need a girl to have passion at night?” Eren asks. Mikasa blinks in confusion for a moment before a blush creeps onto her cheeks.

“Don’t worry about it,” she mutters, looking away. Is it a sex thing? She normally only blushes like that when he asks her about sex things. And she hates talking about sex stuff.

“Alright,” Eren accepts that he’ll never have an answer. Although he wishes he did, since Levi seems to have awakened that part of him. “What’s next...” He pulls out the list and reads off the next thing. The day continues like this, buying goods, exploring the market, and trying to make sense of the human ways.

They almost have everything when Eren hears a strange sound. Mikasa is haggling over some waterproof clothes when a hushed gasp comes from a nearby alleyway. Eren wanders over, looking into the alley when the scent of terror and panic hits him. A woman, in a delicate dress and with fine jewelry, is being held by a man. A knife to her throat and a hand over her mouth.

He looks like the exact opposite of the woman. A potent human smell tells Eren he hasn’t bathed in a long time. He’s missing a shoe, and the one he does have has twine keeping it together. His clothes are dirty and full of tears.

“Don’t fight, I just need your money,” he hisses, pulling the knife closer. She struggles but his grip is firm. He’s taking her money. A mugging, Armin calls it. Eren’s taken money before. Mikasa said that he did what he needed to, but Armin says that stealing is bad. That other people need their money too.

Eren is about to leave them to it, when she twists around one more time, more aggressively, and the knife slips deep into her shoulder. The scent of panic ratchets up another ten notches and now there’s blood, heavy and delicious in the air and oh wallls

Meat meat meat meat

Eren is hungry and there is fresh meat. So much fresh meat, but he goes for the one he is looking at. He lunges, fast, the human doesn’t expect it. Eren’s on him within moments and the other meat runs. That’s okay, he has his prey. The scruffy human twists in Eren’s hold, yells words that Eren doesn’t bother to understand. He is fresh meat. The mugger lifts a hand, maybe to defend, maybe to attack. Meat.

Eren sinks his teeth in, and finally, he can eat. How long has it been since he ate fresh meat? He rips off the delicate flesh and chews. Bones crunch and the human in front of him screams. But his mouth is full of meat and that is all he needs. No, he needs more, another bite. The human is yelling, screaming is pain and fear. The smell is so delicious, he needs more.

More more more more

A force pulls at him, desperate, but he needs more meat.

“Eren!”

More, he needs more.

“Look at me! Eren!” A face, who is she? Familiar. Mikasa. That is Mikasa’s face. He’s Eren. He’s also holding a man, pale and shaking, staring at his hand. What’s left of it anyway. Did he…

“Eren! Are you back? Can you hear me?” Mikasa hisses, desperately holding his shoulders. Eren can’t speak, he just looks at the mugger, sitting on the ground and staring at his shaking, mutilated hand. Blood gushes out, falling freely to the ground and running down his arm. So much blood, so much meat, the smell is delicious and he needs more

“Eren, we need to go. Now!” Mikasa pulls at him and for the first time, he goes along with it. She frees her scarf and sloppily wipes his face with it. Like with the rabbit, but worse. Her hands are shaking too. She’s scared. Is she scared of him? Would he eat her too?

She pulls him out of the ally and he gives the mugger one last look. He’s pale and shaking and the only sounds he makes are little gasps. But Mikasa doesn’t bother to help him. She drags Eren down the street and towards their horses.

“Keep your head down, your face is a mess,” she hisses and pushes his face down. Eren chews, realizing that there’s still meat in his mouth. Human meat, flesh that he bite right off of a man. He needs to spit it out. He can’t eat it, he can’t eat human meat anymore.

He swallows it and every part of him screams for him.

“Come on, get on your horse Eren,” Mikasa urges. Eren’s mind is still swimming. What he did. What he wants to keep doing. What he would have done if Mikasa didn’t pull him free.

“Come on, Eren! We need to leave. Now,” she hisses, desperation filling her voice.
“But I… We should go back. He needs help, and I…” He’s a monster. He shouldn’t run. He should get caught. The Scouts would be right to kill him. He’s a titan inside the walls. He eats people.

“And what would happen to me and Armin? If you aren’t going to run for you, run for us,” she glares. Shit, she’s right. They’ll be after his humans too. The only thing his humans did was trust him. Eren mounts his horse and follow’s Mikasa’s lead. They don’t run, they keep their horses at a steady trot. A kid idles on the side of the road, staring up at Eren with wide eyes.

“Eren, keep your head down. Your face,” Mikasa scolds and he looks away from the kid. His face is covered in blood, he’s sure. And now the humans can see the monster he is. He holds the reins right, fighting the urge to… Go back? Turn himself in? What can he do?

It happened so fast. The smells hit, and he hadn’t eaten for a week. He just… lost it. He forgot everything and just snapped. What if he snaps again? What if that was another cadet? Or even one of his humans?

“I’m dangerous,” Eren says. He thought he could handle it, but ever since joining the Cadets and the exercise regime, his need for meat is so much stronger. What happens when he hasn’t eaten for months and someone cuts themselves?

“That’s why you need to join the Scouts and leave,” Mikasa answers confidently. They stop at a bridge and Mikasa pulls him towards the river bank. Once again, she dabs her scarf in the cold water and begins cleaning his face. It’s not rabbit blood this time.

“Will they come after us?” Eren muses. If they come for him, he’d understand. But he hopes his humans will be fine.

“I don’t think so. Only the man saw you, and he seemed like a criminal. Criminals don’t go to the police,” Mikasa assures him.

“I ate his hand.”

“Part of it. He still had some fingers,” Mikasa adds as though it was something mundane, like discussing the weather.

“I was eating him,” Eren sucks in deep breaths, remembering the agonized screams and terrified eyes. The sweat meat in his mouth.

“I know Eren. It’s okay” She says evenly, and it angers him that she can shrug it off so callously.

“It’s not okay! What if that happens again? What if it happens to Sasha, or Connie, or even Armin?” Eren yells.

“It won’t.”

“How do you know?” Eren glares. It’s like she isn’t taking this seriously, or doesn’t even care.

“Because I know you. It won’t happen again, not to any of the cadets. Now come on,” she pulls them back to the horses. Eren mounts and continues the ride back to the base. How can she say that? How could she know? Is she just lying? Why would she lie about this?

Eren stews in his thoughts as they ride in silence. As they just leave the town behind. The man with missing fingers, the shame, the fears. They just leave it all behind, like nothing happened.

“Hey, Mikasa?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell Armin.”

“Of course.”

Chapter Text

"Hey, bitch face, you got a letter," Jean shoves a white envelope towards Eren. The taller cadet was on mail duty today it seemed. Lucky. Eren was assigned to take inventory, which involves way too much math. He does what he can but will probably have Armin actually calculate the final numbers later on.

"Bitch face? How do I have a bitch face? You're just trying to make up for your horse face," Eren pivots and glares. 

“Oh, let me explain just how your face is bitchy,” Jean sucks in a breath but then Eren processes the rest of his sentence.

“Wait, I have a letter? From who?” Eren snatches the letter from Jean.

“See? That’s your bitch face,” Jean gestures wildly to Eren’s face.

“Blow it out your ass, horse face,” Eren counters, trying to decipher the letter. It’s addressed to him but who the hell would write him a letter? He only knows Mikasa and Armin, and they live with him. Jean keeps talking to him but he’s completely tuned him out, eyes darting around for the familiar blonde bob. The trio was split up for assigned chores so Armin wasn’t nearby to read it for him. Well, no harm in giving it a try himself. It is his letter after all.

He looks at the bottom of the letter, at who signed it. It’s a short name, and he tried to sound it out in his head.

 L-E-V-I. Lee vee? No, Lee v eye. Levi.

“Are you even listening to me?” Jean snaps, but nope. Eren has better things to do than put Horse Face in his place. He got a letter from Levi. He’ll need to write back. Walls, what does it even say? 

“Fuck no, I got work to do. Beat it, Horse Face, other people need their mail,” Eren waves him off. He goes to the stationary shelves, pretending like he’s just taking inventory and not gathering supplies to write back.

“Yeah, sure. Looks like you are a bit too excited over this letter anyway. I don’t need to see what you do when you get a letter from a pretty girl. Or guy. Whatever! I’m going,” Jean rambles before leaving. Eren doesn’t bother trying to figure out what that was about.

He tries to read the letter, but it’s full of words he never learned. Shit. Even the small words are unfamiliar and need to be sounded out. He gets some pen and paper but they stay forgotten. He spends way too long just deciphering the first sentence, and some words he still can’t get.

Hey Brat,

I’m going to be busy with… for the next few… still need to keep in…

It’s a mess. He can guess some words but what if he is wrong? He’ll look like an idiot, and maybe the Scouts will decide not to take him. Should he get Armin to read him the letter? But what if there is something private in here? What if he tells Mikasa, and she wants him to ignore it? He can do this on his own. He just needs to remember his letters.

The horn blares, marking the end of morning chores and the start of training. Fuck. He’ll read it later. Away from Mikasa and Armin, maybe while hunting? Will Sasha tell? He’ll have to figure it out another time. He’s gotta get to the training field before Shadis lays into him. 

.

Shadis gives them twenty minutes after training to clean their gear. A good habit that’ll save your life in the field , he says. It won’t be for Eren, but it’s still a nice time to relax with his humans. Though Eren is still thinking about the letter after training. Normally Mikasa would call him out for not paying attention, but apparently Armin is being weirder.

"Out with it, Armin," she breaks the silence they had been working in. Eren looks over the blonde boy and yeah, he looks flustered. Flustered in that way where he has something to say but doesn't know how to say it, so he starts thinking himself to death over how to say it.

“I got a letter today. From the Scouts,” he admits in a single breath. He holds out a folded piece of paper. On it is a broken wax seal that had the Wings of Freedom. Eren snatches the letter before his humans can and opens it up. He scans over the words, or at least tries to.

The Scouts Re…

He glares at the jumble of letters. He knows this one, he's seen it before…

"Armin, what's this word," Eren points to the damn thing.

"Regiment," Armin answers and pulls the paper out of his hands. "And let's not have the illiterate one read the letter," he adds.

"Hey, I'm literate," Eren grouses.

"You muddle through," Mikasa shrugs and leans over Armin's shoulder to join in silently reading. Eren takes the other shoulder.

The Scouts Regiment would like to…

Eren is sounding out the word ‘formally’ when Armin sighs and begins reading out loud.

" The Scouts Regiment would like to formally invite the cadets Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman, and Eren [no last name] to join their ranks. After careful review, great potential was found in each of the cadets that could help humanity's fight against the titans. To ensure continued interest, Scout representatives will be sent every six months to oversee training. Funding is also available as needed for the cadet's progression and development. 

Signed, Erwin Smith, Commander of the Scouts Regiment ."

A silence falls on them as they process the words.

"This is bad," Mikasa sighs.

"Does this mean I'll get to see Levi again?" Eren muses. "But why is it addressed to all of us? I'm the only one who wants to join the Scouts." Armin flinches at the question.

"Ahh… about that , I said that I wanted to join. Last time, with Hange," Armin confesses.

"You what? Armin, you aren't serious. You can't be serious," Eren bites. Oh no. No, no, no.

"Eren, we have information that-" Armin tries to defend himself, but is dwarfed by Eren's anger.

"You're going to die! Do you know how many Scouts die? Most of them."

"I know, but-"

"Titans wait outside the walls, rumbling to each other about when the next meal is," Eren knows, he was there. 

"We have to do something," Armin starts to get some fire in him.

"No you don't! You can join the Garrison and live a safe and happy life," Eren spits. That was the plan. That was always the plan.

"People join the Scouts just in the hope of doing something good. But if I join, I can tell them what I learned. I can make a real difference," Armin pleads.

"You're going to die. I can't save you from out there. What if a swarm of titans gets you, or a stronger titan. What if I just can't get to you?" Scouts die in so many different ways. Eren had to watch it time and time again. There's only a handful of Scouts that persist for years. Mostly it's just a meat grinder. A damn buffet for the titans.

"I've been thinking of joining the Scouts as well," Mikasa butts in. Eren gawks. "To keep an eye on you," she adds.

"To keep an eye on me? I'm fine out there. I'm not in danger. You're the titan chow," Eren points a finger with all the aggression he has.

"You find creative ways to get in danger," Mikasa adds, frowning at the letter. "But we might not even get that far. If we have Scouts coming every six months, we might be found out."

"No one here has found us out, and they won't be spending that much time with us," Armin defends.

"Hey, I'm not done with you guys joining the Scouts," Eren barks. Neither human looks at him.

"But these are Scouts. They deal with titans regularly. They might recognize the signs," Mikasa looks over at Eren, who is still very pissed about them wanting to join the Scouts. However his ranting has become background noise.

"I don't know, it's pretty crazy that he can transform. There's no other titan like you, right Eren? And they've never seen your human body, right" Armin asks, and it's clear that they are done defending wanting to join the Scouts.

"No," Eren answers between grit teeth. "But you're still not joining the Scouts! You'll both die, and I can't…" they go back to tuning him out.

"See? The truth is so crazy, they wouldn't be able to find it out," Armin nods with confidence but Mikasa is still weary.

"It's a bad idea to invite them back," she shakes her head.

"I don't think we have a choice, it says that they're coming back. Maybe we can try to tell them no when they get here?" Armin muses.

"Tell them no, you don't want to join the Scouts!" Eren cuts in but is still ignored.

"We need to be careful around them. And try to keep Eren away from them as much as possible," Mikasa decides.

"Right, makes sense," Armin nods.

"Why are you guys ignoring me? You can't join the Scouts!" Eren continues to scream as they put away their gear and walk towards the mess hall for lunch. Eren gives up talking sense to them and just sulks. He doesn’t even get around to reading Levi’s letter, he’s so wound up about it. 

The image haunts him. Armin and Mikasa riding out in green cloaks, a titan seeing them. They would try to fight back, just like every other Scout. But human bodies are so fragile, and a titan’s nape is so far away. Mikasa might be about to join the small handful of long lived Scouts, maybe. Armin would be eaten. His golden locks and burning desire to be good and help would turn into a red paste before disappearing down a titan’s mouth. Everything that is Armin, and everything he could be will be lost and gone in a moment. He tries to picture it again and again but he cannot see Armin facing a titan and not dying.

It’s hard to truly learn from training how big they are, how they move. Some Scouts freeze up, others make serious blunders, not foreseeing how the titan will counter. They train on giant wooden dummies, so of course they aren’t used to the titans fighting back. They think they can just swing around and cut at the nape. But no, the titan will turn with them. They’ll kill them. Humans only ever have one chance with fighting a titan, and it’s easy to blow it.

And it only takes one swipe of the hand for a human to die. Or worse, be injured and eaten alive. These thoughts are the ones that are in his head when he passes out for the night, and are there when he wakes up. 

It’s an obvious solution, but it takes a day for it to hit him. They could be long lived Scouts if they learned how to fight titans and counter them. If they got real experience fighting a titan, they could do better. And what luck that they know a real titan.

He’s stretching next to his humans, warming up for sparring, when he says it.

“We have tomorrow morning free,” Eren says casually. “I think we should train during it,” he adds.

“But we already spend all day training,” Armin whines. Mikasa looks like she already knows Eren is up to something.

“If you’re going to join the Scouts, you’ll need a lot of training. You’ll need to face down titans and not die,” Eren explains. His humans exchange a confused look. Guess they don’t get it yet. Eren reaches down, touching his toes so as to not draw the wrath of Shadis on him.

“I’m thinking maybe we can go out into the woods alone for some private, special training. So when you fight titans, you’ll be ready. Have some real life experience, fighting titans,” he mutters the last part. Mikasa heard it alright though.

“No. Eren, no,” she starts.

“If you guys are going to join the Scouts, I’m going to make sure you can take down a titan,” Eren glares.

“If we get caught, we’re all going down,” Mikasa says.

“Then we’ll either make it together, or die together,” because in Eren’s head, it’s suicide. Even Mikasa is liable to die, and Armin surely will. He’d rather take the risk of humans finding out than the certain death of sending them out to titan territory.

“Eren, that is a really bad idea,” Armin mutters.

“So is joining the Scouts. You either promise you won’t join, I’m going for a nice, big walk tomorrow morning,” Eren emphasizes the word ‘big’, because something is going to be supersized tomorrow. And it won’t be the length of the walk.

Armin and Mikasa look unsettled but their conversation is ended when Shadis splits them up for sparring. If they insist on being humans in titan territory, then he can be a titan in human territory. This won’t be the first time he shifted within the walls. It’s higher stakes than normal, but he can’t just let his humans go out and die. If he needs to put his life on the line to give them a chance, he will. 

So the next day, when Shadis gives him a half day off, they go deep into the woods. So deep that no traces of human scent can be found. Then, they train. They train all morning and they train some more later in the week when they end normal training early. Eren pushes everything else aside to train his humans. When he hunts, he doesn’t go as far as he should. When he gets another letter from Levi, he doesn’t spend the time to decode it, or even respond to the first one. His humans need to learn how to fight a titan if they have any hope to survive.

It’s two months later when Shadis calls him into his office.

“Eren, I’ve heard some troubling stories about you,” Shadis begins, folding his hands as he glares across his desk. Eren licks his lips, trying to see where this is going. A troubling story. Shit, what if it’s the mugger’s hand?

“What kind of stories?” Eren asks, trying to keep his cool. If Shadis is talking to him, he can’t be too suspicious. Maybe he doesn’t believe the stories?

“That you’ve been sneaking into the surrounding woods during your free time,” Shadis explains. Fuck . Does he know that Eren is a titan? Has he seen him shift? If so, he’ll need to run. Or maybe, if Shadis hasn’t told anyone else, he could make sure he couldn’t talk. He could take care of Shadis, if he had to. For his humans.

“And do you know what I’ve been doing while out?” Eren asks carefully. He’s stronger than most humans. Maybe Shadis has more hand to hand skill, but he couldn’t hurt Eren and Eren has the stamina. If it comes to a fight, he’ll be able to win. But what if he can’t end it fast enough, and someone walks in?

“Yes, Eren. I know,” Shadis says, standing. So this is it. But what next? He’ll need to get Armin and Mikasa. Where will they go? “You and Cadet Blouse have been hunting without a license or authorization. I cannot let this go, Eren,” Shadis scowls. Wait, what? Hunting?

Oh Walls. He was going to snap his commander’s neck and flee for his life. But hunting isn’t that big of a deal, right?

“Yeah, I have been hunting with Sasha,” Eren admits. His head is still reeling. He needs to act normal. Act ashamed? Shit, he doesn’t know. He just knows that he doesn’t need to fight.

“Eren, the Cadet Corp provides three square meals a day. You have no need to hunt, and doing so not only threatens local wildlife populations, but is an insult to the surrounding towns. We need to ensure a stable wildlife population for the long term, and that means people can’t just hunt whatever they want, whenever they want. And as a cadet, you need to be an example of a law-abiding citizen,” Shadis’ voice grows in volume.

“Yes sir, sorry sir,” Eren mutters, playing the part.

“I want you to clean the bathrooms, top to bottom, by yourself,” Shadis adds.

“Ah, sir, but-” Eren winces. He really doesn’t want to do it. And alone? That’s just cruel.

“Cadet, I don’t want to hear any talk back. You have your orders, I expect you to do them with a smile. And if I hear of you hunting again, you’ll be begging to clean the bathrooms again!” Shadis screams. “Dismissed.”

Well, at least he isn’t going to have to kill his commanding officer and go on the run.

.

Hange has been going insane. More insane than normal. Turns out that Arlert kid’s theory was spot on, and they are coming up with a long list of experiments. Which means a long list of expeditions and capturing titans for study. Levi needed to get away, but he didn’t have anywhere to go. Not like he has family or friends outside the Scouts. Not like he’s going to crawl back into the Underground to visit old business partners that want him dead.

It’s really on a whim that he opts to visit Eren. Erwin is happy enough for his leave to be spent touching base with the brat. And Levi just needs time away with Hange’s mania. Though he’s not exactly happy with Eren either. The little shit ignored two of his letters. 

Levi finds Eren in the bathroom. And normally the grunts and muttering what the fuck is a sign to leave a guy alone. But Levi also hears a very familiar sound. A brush being vigorously rubbed against stone. And so he finds Eren on his knees, rubbing away at some dubious stain beside a toilet. Or at least he was. He must have heard Levi coming, because he’s frozen in place, looking up with his giant puppy dog eyes. It’d be endearing, if Levi wasn’t pissed at him.

“Oh, Levi! I thought it was you. What are you doing here? Am I going to get more training? That’s great, because Shadis told me to clean the bathroom, and Jean made a horrible mess,” Eren babbles and straightens up. Levi is having none of it.

“If you want to join my team, you’ll need to learn how to clean properly. Now get back down and scrub better.” The look on Eren’s face is priceless. Deliciously miserable as he sinks back down and goes back to the foul stain. “Not up and down dipshit, in circles,” Levi corrects and Eren groans in suffering. Good. Serves the brat right for ignoring his letters.

Not that he cares. He doesn’t give a shit about this brat, but Erwin said to buddy up. And they’ve been busy with testing Armin’s theories and that was the best way to keep in contact. No skin off his back if the shit didn’t bother to reply to either letter.

“You’re not going to make me clean all day, are you?” Eren whines.

“Depends on how long it takes you to clean the bathroom,” Levi answers. “What kind of cleaner are you even using?”

“Er, just soap and water,” Eren answers, looking up confused. “That’s what Shadis gave me.”

“Then he’s a dumbass that doesn’t know how to clean either. Let me find some real cleaner. You keep scrubbing,” Levi orders as he leaves the bathroom. If a bathroom is getting cleaned under his watch, it’s getting cleaned properly. It takes some time digging around the storage shed, but eventually he finds some proper cleaners. And maybe this will be his day, just cleaning a bathroom with Eren. But as long as he gets a break from Hange’s insanity, he’s happy. He’d much rather spend a day scrubbing shitters in comfortable silence, or even banter, with Eren.

Eren’s still scrubbing then he gets back, though he picked a new spot. “Tch, you didn’t even finish the first stain,” Levi chides as he pours some cleaner on it.

“I’ve been scrubbing for ten minutes and it’s not coming out,” Eren bitches.

“That’s why you use real cleaners,” Levi explains. Though it’s not his fault that Shadis didn’t give him proper gear. If Eren does end up on his squad, he’ll be sure to teach the brat the proper ways and tools of cleaning. “And you push down, hard and slow, like this,” Levi joins Eren on the floor, showing the technique to wipe away stains. A few iterations and that foul brown splotch is gone. 

“Like this?” Eren roughly scrubs at his stain.

“Looks like your trying to fuck it. Slower, you dumbass,” Levi corrects. Although Eren really does look quite pleasing on his hands and knees, rocking forwards and backwards. Though Levi would prefer a different setting, far away from any filthy toilets.

“For a guy who spends his time chasing down titans in the mud, you like things clean,” Eren teases as he gets his rhythm.

“When you spend your entire life in filth, you get sick of it,” Levi grunts. The underground was always disgusting. For the first half of his life, it was just a fact of the world. But now that he knows clean, he never wants to go back.

“Yeah, I get that. I’ve really learned to enjoy the daily showers and clean sheets here,” Eren smiles contently. Levi wonders where the brat was before training. Homeless and impoverished people have been everywhere ever since the Fall, so it wouldn’t be surprising if he spent some years on the streets. At least he isn’t a prissy rich kid.

They lapse into comfortable silence, broken by the occasional correction or banter. Levi’s frustrations melt away and he actually enjoys the brat’s company. Though he still can’t understand why the shit didn’t write back. 

“It’s rude to take a brush if someone is using it,” Eren grumbles, glaring at the brush in Levi’s hand.

“It’s also rude to ignore letters,” Levi brings it up. Not that he cares. He just wants to know.

“Oh. That…” Eren goes stiff. He is still scrubbing, somewhat, but his mind is clearly torn away from the task at hand.

“Don’t shit yourself over it, it doesn’t matter,” Levi sighs.

“I wanted to write back and I tried, but… I’m not good at it,” Eren explains clumsily. He winces when he finishes the sentences and looks down.

“You’re not good at writing letters?” Levi scoffs and Eren flinches at the accusation. It seems like a stupid excuse until he thinks about it. “Or are you not good at writing?” Levi asks, dropping his snark. Eren bites his lip before fishing a paper out of his pocket. Slowly, he hands it over to Levi.

It’s addressed to him, and looks like a child wrote it. Careful letters written with uncertainty. Basic, small words, and a few larger ones that are horribly misspelled. The best attempt from a vaguely literate man. The image brings Levi back to his youth. Back to when he first joined the Scouts and could hardly read. How Erwin pulled him aside and Levi wanted to punch the guy just for bringing it up. The pain and embarrassment of being on the same level of a young child.

“I’m not good at writing, okay? I’m better at fighting, you know that. And for reading and writing, I have Armin. It’s just that I didn’t want to show him the letters,” Eren explains, tense and clearly ready for a fight.

Levi yelled at Erwin, practically started throwing punches when he admitted it.

“I wasn’t either at your age,” Levi carefully folds the letter up and tucks it away in his pocket. Eren is still glaring up at him, defensive and insecure. For the first time in years, Levi wants to soothe over those fears and anger. It’s okay, I understand , are words he wants to say but can’t.

“Not everyone gets to go to nice happy little schoolhouses where they learn to be good members of society,” Levi sneers, letting long forgotten frustrations rise again. Eren nods, agreeing but still tense.

“I didn’t go to school. Armin taught me everything I know. And with writing, I thought I knew it good enough and stopped learning,” Eren explains and Levi smiles wryly. Yep, he knows that. He learned to read the labels of crates to decide what to pilfer from or not. And once you know the words to look for, you stop caring about the others.

“The other Scouts gave me hell for it. You’ll want to get better before then,” Levi comments, legitimately wanting to spare the cadet his same fate. Eren groans.

“Come on, this shit house is clean enough,” Levi stands, stretching out his muscles from the hours scrubbing on his knees. He takes a final look over their work. Shining floors and sparkling bowls. A few scuffs and damaged tiles, but that cannot be fixed with cleaners.

“Finally,” Eren hops up too. “What’s next? ODM training? Sparring?”

“I just told you dumbass. We’re going to work on those letters,” Levi deeply enjoys the fall of Eren’s face. From excitement to shock and horror, and then defeat.

“Right. But can we do it in the guest house? I don’t want the others to know,” Eren looks away.

“Sure, I get it,” Levi shrugs. He wouldn’t want any shitty cadet interrupting them anyway. 

“Come on,” he beckons Eren out of the bathroom and towards the guest house. 

“Why were you cleaning the shitters by yourself anyway?” He understands putting the cadets to work, but that seems like a job for five cadets.

“Oh, uh, it was a punishment,” Eren chews his lip. A trouble maker? Levi respects the spirit but can’t have them on his team. When you're fighting titans, you can’t have one guy going off on their own.

“For what?” Levi asks. If Eren gets into stupid shit, Levi’s going to need to grind that bullshit out of him now.

“Hunting,” he says simply.

“Hunting what?”

“Animals. For food. Me and Sasha started doing it because they don’t serve meat here very often. So we’d sneak away and hunt. But apparently we are supposed to have a license, and cadets aren't allowed to hunt anyway. I don’t know, it all sounded like bullshit to me but we can’t disagree with Shadis,” Eren looks pretty bitter about it. Hunting. That’s actually pretty clever. And it’s good that the brat can sustain himself and think outside the box.

“Tch, disobedient shit. You’ll need to learn to eat some lentil stew,” Levi chides him, but his heart isn’t in it and he’s sure Eren can tell.

“I’m never going to learn to like that gruel,” Eren mutters

“You don’t have to learn to like it, just learn to stomach it,” Levi corrects him. “Food is food.”

“Yeah, I know,” Eren groans. It’s only a couple minutes after that before they get to the guest house. It’s just him this time, so they put him in a smaller building, more of a cabin. But it has a bed, a stove, a table, and even a private bathroom so Levi can’t complain.

“Take a seat at that table and I’ll get some paper and pen,” Levi shuffles through his bag while he can hear Eren pulling the chair out. With the supplies, Levi takes the other seat. The table is small and they’re close enough to brush elbows. Being so close he can feel just how warm the brat is. He really does run hot. Whatever, good for cold seasons anyway.

Levi pulls out Eren’s letter and reads over it again.

Hey Levi,

I am doing wel with traning. I am stil the best at sparing and wil defeet kick yor as…

Levi bites back a smile at the crude writing. He clearly relies on sounding things out a lot, but that doesn’t always work.

“First off, a lot of words end in two Ls,” Levi taps the words. “Secondly, you will never kick my ass in a spar.”

“I bet I could! I’ve been practicing with Annie and she’s really fast like you are.”

“Write me a new letter and I’ll give you the chance to beat me. But I’m not going to go easy on you,” Levi taps a blank paper and pushes it towards Eren. He carefully grabs the pen, rolling it in his hand before tapping it to the paper. 

“I don’t know what to write,” the cadets confessed lamely.

“Just whatever you’d put in a letter. Start with redoing what you already wrote,” Levi snarks and Eren listens. He starts redoing his words, remembering the double Ls but failing with the word training .

“That’s not how vowels work,” Levi stops him and explains how the vowels come together to form the right sounds. And with minimal griping, Eren accepts the corrections.

“What if I wanted to write you a question?” Eren asks after getting a few sentences in.

“Then ask the damn question, dumbass. Write it down,” Levi gives him the obvious answer.

“Do you think the rest of the Scouts will like me? Would I fit in with them?” Eren seems inexplicably nervous about it. Which is stupid, the Scout Regiment isn’t a social club. Though now that Levi is dwelling on it, yeah, they’d most likely come to love Eren. He’s good hearted, but loud and boisterous. Also kinda weird. The normal people always seem to die fast, or not even bother with the Scouts. You need to have a few screws loose to excel in the Scouts.

“Tch. Yeah, you’ll fit in well,” and for some reason the thought of losing Eren to more friendly Scouts is a heavy one. “Probably end up being the life of the party,” Levi admits.

“You think so?” His teal eyes are swimming with giddiness.

“Yeah, just don’t forget who got you there,” Levi huffs. It’s a fucking lie too. Eren could easily get into the Scouts on his own. Though the horse thing might be problematic, they’d never turn away an otherwise exceptional Scout. 

“I won’t. I’ll never forget you. Or Armin and Mikasa,” Eren says with a bitter sweet look, as though it’s some great goodbye and not them working together. 

“Wipe that pitiful look off your face, you’re going to make me throw up,” Levi scolds. “Now write down the damn question.” Eren does so, carefully sounding out unfamiliar words. It takes almost an hour before the page is full. Levi carefully folds up the letter and puts it into a pocket.

“Now, next time I write to you, I expect you to write back. Do what you can and I’ll explain your fuck ups when I write back.” Levi sighs, finally done with the tedium. He needs some exercise 

“Fine,” Eren accepts bitterly. “But don’t expect good spelling.”

“Oh, I know you can’t spell worth a damn. I’ll be lucky if I can even understand what the fuck you’re trying to say,” Levi teases. Eren looks angry but not downright pissed.

“Erwin had to teach me to write,” he begins his story. He might tease Eren, but he doesn’t think less of him for this. He can’t. Levi was in the same spot. “I thought that spelling was really stupid. Why have the extra letters? I tried to spell it in as few letters as possible.”

“Yeah! What’s the point of the double L’s and silent letters?” Eren scoffs, in complete agreement.

“There isn’t any,” Levi shrugs. “But people like to talk shit about you for anything they can. If you can’t read and write like them, they’ll think you’re an idiot.” He remembers the assholes that said that about him. Called him underground filth, said his brain was too underdeveloped to learn, all kinds of bullshit lines to make themselves feel superior. But now they are all dead, eaten by titans, and he’s a captain. 

“Are people really that bad?” Eren frowns.

“Yes. How could you not notice?” And looking down on you isn’t the worst that they could do either. Not by a long shot. Eren spends a moment, looking off like this is some deep, profound conversation. Levi learned that people suck when he was a young kid and never questioned it since.

“People can be shitty sometimes, but sometimes they can be pretty good too,” Eren decides, a blazing fire in his eyes. 

“When I first- When Wall Maria fell, I was confused and scared. I thought for sure I was going to die. But then people, Scouts, they saved me. They were fighting titans to save people, and they carried me away. Clothed me and cared for me,” Eren explains clumsily. Levi can say a million things to that. Soldiers do as they are told, or else they lose their bed and food. Even the Scouts are full of righteous idiots who get warm and fuzzy when they think about sacrificing for the greater good. That those people that saved him didn’t really care about him, they were just doing what they needed to do. But the memory seems like a cherished one. And if Levi tramples on it he’ll break the brat’s heart and commitment to join the Scouts.

“Believe whatever you want, brat, but don’t complain to me when you get burned,” although Levi would be inclined to beat anyone that burned Eren. “Now come on, I promised you an ass kicking,” Levi walks out of the cabin and Eren hurries after him.

“I think the sparring ground should be free for-” Levi cuts him off with a firm kick to his side that sends him down.

“Fights can break out anywhere, so you better learn to defend yourself outside of a designated zone,” Levi scoffs, hands raised defensively. Eren is still on the ground, though seemingly not in pain. Levi grins and rolls his shoulders. This, he can look forward to. Eren is a beast of a man, and can take a hit like it’s nothing. Levi doesn’t need to pull his punches, and he actually does need to worry about Eren landing a hit.

Eren jumps up but doesn’t lunge right for Levi. Seems like his fighting technique has refined. Perfect. Eren’s punches are more careful and timed, though Levi can still dodge and block. After one block Eren manages to grab hold of him and land a hard hit. It’s the first time in a long time someone fought him like this, and Levi can easily get lost in the flow.

Eren looks away, distracted by something not noticeable to Levi. Levi takes the opportunity to land a right hook on the brat.

“Captain, you sure are rough with the cadets," Shadis comes from nowhere. How does that brat always know when people are coming?

"Eren is tough, he can take a few hits," Levi shrugs. Eren beams under the praise, not at all bothered by the hard punch he got just moments ago.

"Yes, you are quite right. He'll make a great Scout, I'm sure," Shadis nods to the cadet and Eren looks about ready to explode with pride.

"Is there a point to this conversation?" Levi asks, sick of the interruption already.

"Yes, the cooks want to know where you'll be having your dinner."

"In my quarters," Levi answers, trying not to be too annoyed. "And tell them to bring something for Eren as well." Shadis cocks an eyebrow and Levi can feel the questions forming. The Scouts already have a promiscuous reputation. Whereas the other regiments forbid sex and romance with superiors, the Scouts take a 'no harm, no foul' approach that ended with many shared beds.

"Oi, don't look at me like that. It's under your watch the brat is deficient in classroom topics," Levi explais, beating away the illicit thoughts.

"Hey, I'm not that bad," Eren speaks out of turn.

"What's seven times three?" Levi challenges, which shuts him up. Eren looks down on his hands, trying to count with his fingers to puzzle it out.

"Ah. I didn't realize any of the cadets lacked basic education like that," Shadis mutters, and Levi thinks he might even be embarrassed.

"It's twenty one! Right?" Eren finally gives them an answer. Well at least he can reason it out. He's not dumb, just uneducated.

"Good job, you can compete with an eight year old," Levi jabs, though he couldn't do that level of math at eight. Just like reading, arithmetic was something that he got around to in his late teen years.

"Yes, well. I'll have two meals sent to your quarters. And reevaluate some of the classroom lessons too," Shadis salutes before leaving them alone again.

“Why does it even matter if I know math?” Eren grumbles.

“A gas canister lasts about an hour and a half, you have two crates of five canisters each and there’s three Scouts on your team. How long do you have?” Levi posits. He’s had to make tactical decisions based on things like this. Knowing how long your supplies will last, if you have time to hold your ground or if retreating is feasible.

Eren takes the question very seriously, and begins counting on his fingers again.

“The answer, dipshit, is that being able to do math is important,” Levi cuts him off before he can get too distracted. Eren sighs.

“Fine. So we are going to work on my numbers too?” Eren looks so sour about the whole thing. And shit, now that Levi is thinking about it he really doesn’t want to do it either. But Erwin did it for him and now it’s time to pay it forward.

“I’m not looking forward to it either,” Levi commiserates. “Go take a shower, you’re filthy,” Levi waves him off. He’ll be doing the same. The sparring was fun but left them both dirty.

“Yes sir,” Eren salutes before scampering off. Damn kid has too much energy. Levi returns to his cabin for his own shower, washing off both the grime from sparring and the filth from travelling. At least the cabin still gets hot water. Once clean, dry, and dressed he makes himself a cup of tea. Eren is taking a suspicious amount of time to return and it gives Levi an uneasy feeling. No one should be taking that long, especially with a cold shower. What could that brat be getting up to?

A knock on his door answers the question. He opens the door, ready to insult the cadet, but what he sees kills the words on his tongue. It’s Eren, but not at all the loud and aloof brat he was before. No, he’s looking down, a blush covering his face. And in his hand, offered forward to Levi, is a bundle of flowers. Tiny little wild flowers, a few of them the entire plant, root and all. Like he spent the last thirty minutes wandering around and grabbing anything that could be called a flower.

“What’s this?” Levi asks, all of his piss and vinegar leaving him.

“Flowers. Hannah said I should give people flowers, to show interest,” Eren explains, still not meeting Levi’s eyes.

“Interest?” Levi parrots, his brain still turning back on. Never once has anyone given him flowers. Not even his past boyfriends. It was too cutesy, too feminine, too cliche and if anyone else tried it he’d shove the flowers up their ass. But here and now, with Eren, it’s different. Not sweet or romantic or any bullshit like that. No, the brat clearly has no idea what he’s doing. Like he heard about the concept only once in passing. None of the frilly implications are there.

“Yeah. You know things like hugs and sex,” Eren explains and it’s too much. Levi barks out a laugh at the pure absurdity of it all. Eren’s face falls, broken, for just a moment. Then anger fills him. 

“You don't have to be an asshole about it!” Eren shouts. Right. Despite how asinine all this is, it’s still Eren coming onto Levi and… asking him out? Should probably not break his heart.

“I don’t get a lot of bouquets. Come on, let’s talk inside,” Levi ushers him in. Eren enters, though still on edge and hurt. Shit, what is going to do? What does he even want to do? 

“Look, kid, I’m flattered. But I’m not exactly lover material.” Levi sighs. It’s a lot easier to shit on other people but he’s gotta face reality. Levi isn’t cut out for relationships.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eren asks, half confused and half pissed.

“It means I’m a salty old bastard. I’m not going to take you out for candle lit dinner or buy you flowers. I don’t do that shit,” Levi gestures to the crude bouquet in Eren’s hand. And Eren actually looks relieved.

“That’s fine. I don’t really care about that stuff, I was just told that it’s how people do it,” Eren shrugs.

“Then what do you even want?” Levi asks, trying to figure out what the fuck is happening. It’s something that even Eren takes a moment to reflect on.

“I want to see you more. And not just for business either, but things like eating together, and training, or talking after a bad day. I want to be friends, like I am with Armin and Mikasa,” Eren says, reasoning it out as he goes. Which is fine and dandy, he likes Eren and would be fine with being friends.

“Then why the flowers? I assume you don’t give a bouquet to everyone you want to be friends with,” though maybe he does. He’s a weird kid.

“Well not exactly like Armin and Mikasa. I want to have sex with you too,” Eren adds, completely straight faced and sober.

“So you want to be fuck buddies?” Levi asks.

“What’s that?” Eren asks, trying to mull over the new term.

“They’re buddies that fuck, idiot. Friends that have sex.” Casual sex without the pretense of love or settling down in the future. Just a friend that you can stick your dick in. Exactly the territory that Levi prefers to stay in.

“Yes, that,” Eren nods frantically. “I want to be your friend. And have sex.” Levi takes a moment to consider the offer on the table. He does like Eren. And the brat has a fine body. And he is supposed to ‘seduce’ the cadet for information. But…

“It’s an enticing offer, but I think Shadis wouldn’t be happy with me fucking his cadets.” Erwin doesn’t care. As long as everything is consensual and keeps the morale up, he doesn’t involve himself in the personal lives of Scouts. But Erwin has a unique vision that the other regiments don’t have. They have strict codes of conduct that Levi never bothered to learn.

“Why would he care!” Eren gawks.

“Same reason he cares about you hunting. Some fatass somewhere wrote it down as against the rules,” Levi shrugs. He agrees with the fuck the rules spirit, but he doesn’t need to making political messes for Erwin. “How about this,” Levi stands, pinning Eren against a wall. He leans in close, close enough for his breath to ghost along tan neck skin. Then he licks his lips, briefly, but enough for his tongue to flicker along the freshly washed neck.

(Begin Sex Scene)

“As soon as you join the Scouts, I’ll be there to rip that green cloak off of you and fuck into hard into a mattress,” Levi promises. Eren swallowed thickly, panting and Levi is sure he has to be at least half hard.

“But that’s over a year away,” Eren whines and it is truly pitiful. “I don’t think I can wait that long.” Eren’s words drudges up visions of him fucking other cadets. Of losing interest in Levi and picking someone that can satisfy him. And that isn’t a vision he likes. No, Levi doesn’t share. 

“How about we compromise,” Levi suggests as he gropes the cadet’s groin. And forget being half hard, the brat is at full mast. “I’ll fuck you hard into the mattress when you join the Scouts, but for now you just get a taste.” He gives that firm bulge a hard squeeze and a strangle wheeze leaves Eren.

“A taste…” Eren parrots, though it seems like his mind is already leaving him. Walls, he is so sensitive, so receptive. Levi dips his fingers into his pants, feeling the thick hairs and pinching the pant’s button open.

“A free trial. Hey, are you hearing me?” Levi asks as he pulls the cadet’s cock free. It’s a hot and heavy weight in hand and he can’t stop himself from beginning to stroke. Shit, it’s been too long since he’s been with anyone. He’s forgotten how good sex can be when it’s not just yourself. Eren arches, greedingly thrusting into Levi’s hand and making all kinds of sinful sounds.

“Oi, brat, listen to me. I need to ask you something,” Levi demands his attention. He even stops stroking the brat to force him to pay attention. “When was the last time someone touched you like this?” Levi asks. The brat is too sensitive. Despite how hot he is, he probably isn’t getting any if he’s squirming like a virgin.

“I- ahh- I touched myself last week,” he confesses, weakly thrusting into Levi’s still hand.

“With someone else, dumbass,” Levi silently grants his request with slow, lazy strokes.

“Never,” he says simply. Levi’s lips curl up into a smile. He’d been trying not to hope but he suspected when the brat started whining like a bitch. “Is that a problem?” Eren asks, suddenly self conscious.

“No. And you better keep it that way,” Levi growled, possessive instincts taking over. He’s not cut out for love and softness, but he’s got plenty of jealousy in him. He doesn’t share, he dominates. 

“Only I am allowed to touch you like this, got it? And if I’m not around, I want you jacking off to this memory,” Levi demands, pushing Eren against the wall even harder before dropping to his knees. The cadet’s member is long and hard, dripping precum with pure need. It’s been a while since Levi’s done this, but Eren won’t know if he’s rusty or not.

He starts with an exploratory lick, tasting the precum. Eren instantly reacts, moaning and squirming. Of course Levi is going to have to keep his hips pinned to the wall. Though when he takes the length into his mouth, it’s actually hard to keep Eren still. It’d be annoying if his breathy moans weren’t so damn sexy. He begins bobbing his head, nice and slow, savoring the sounds it elicits. Eren is incoherent, a constant stream of swear words and Levi’s name on his lips. Good.

He’s going slow but he can tell Eren isn’t going to last much longer. Especially when the cadet throws his head back and begs for release. Shit, if he’s cumming thirty seconds into a blow job, it’s probably good that they build up to the main event. He doesn’t want Eren blowing his load as soon as he gets a finger in him.

Levi picks up his pace, taking in as much as he can and kneading the balls gently. When the flesh in his mouth twitches, he knows the time is near. He pops it out of his mouth and quickly replaces his tongue with his hand. His strokes are fast and brutal, pushing Eren to release. He bites down on his neck, giving Eren some pain with pleasure as he hears the gentle splat of cum hitting the floor. Levi releases the spent cock and relishes in the sight of Eren. Teal eyes dull with satisfaction, body limp and generally looking fucked out. Shit, he’s going to look good after Levi fucks him.

“Clean that shit up,” Levi gestures to the new mess on the floor. They might be fuck buddies now, but Levi isn’t about to give him any slack with his duties. 

“Yes sir,” Eren says after catching his breath. No complaint, no whining. He just pulls up his pants and gets a rag. He even gets to cleaning just like Levi taught him. Perfect.

(End Sex Scene)

Chapter Text

It’s finally mail day. It’s been the only thing keeping Eren sane, since he can’t hunt anymore. The hunger is building and he’s getting twitchy. But that’s okay, because it’s mail day.

“Did I get anything?” He asks Sasha, who got the task of doling out the letters and packages.

“Uh, yeah, actually,” Sasha shuffles the papers around and his heart leaps. “Here you go.” 

He snatches it out of her hand as soon as he can. Sasha makes a joke about having a boyfriend, but he’s gone before she can even finish. Yes, he does have a boyfriend. Or a fuck buddy. He’s not sure what the difference is but it doesn’t really matter. He gets to be with Levi. And he gets to do things with Levi.

He shudders at the memory. At how his mouth felt. Walls, so much better than a hand. And the fact that it is Levi that did it fills him with a buzzing energy. But now’s not the time to get hard, he’s gotta read his letter. And probably finish his chores too.

Brat,

You better answer this time. I’ll try to use small words but I expect you to deal with anything you don’t know. We’re hurting for numbers here so try to convince your friends to join the Scouts. We’ve launched a bunch of new projects, testing some new theories. Turns out that titans really hate water, who knew. Erwin is going crazy with this, so now we’re expected to dig a fucking chanel out in titan territory. The giant fuckers are dumb as shit but know how to swarm. Then they stick around the area, making this whole thing a clusterfuck. We could really use some extra bodies here, so hurry up and graduate already. I’ve made other promises about when you join and I plan to keep those too.

We get leave for the solstice. I normally don’t go anywhere, but I can go visit the Cadet Corp. It’ll give me a break from the madness here. Hanji and Erwin are feeding off each other’s insanity and I need a break. I expect a letter back before then, so get writing. Also practice your math. Answer what twelve times seven is.

Levi

Eren tries his best to read it but the majority of the letter is still lost on him. Shit. He’s going to have to really try. But Levi said it’s okay if he doesn’t understand everything. That’s the point, right? To help him practice? He’ll figure out what the letter says later, but as he goes back to his chores, he starts thinking about what he wants to write back. What do you say to your boyfriend/fuck buddy? Eren hopes he can see him soon. He hopes that Levi will do that thing with mouth again, he really liked that. He’s not sure about returning the favor. He doesn’t trust himself to not eat any kind of human meat that finds its way into his mouth. But he’s eager to try other things!

Now how to put all of that into writing.

.

Reading is hard. Especially when he hasn’t eaten for over a week and the hunger is filling him. But he has the letter and trying to understand it was something to do, something to keep his mind away from the hunger. So he tries to read it whenever he can, sounding out the words to decipher the message.

“Cadet, are you even paying attention?” Shadis yells right at him. A rush of frustration and titan rage flashes in him.

“Shut it old man,” he snaps, almost snarls and gnashes his teeth. He could eat him. He could tear him limb from limb and finally eat.

“Cadet, you do not talk back to your commanding officer,” Shadis gets in close, voice low and dangerous. Eren’s titan rage shimmers down enough for his human brain to take control. 

“Sorry, sir,” he mutters. He still wants to rip and maul and eat, but he needs to contain himself.

“I want you to run laps. A hundred of them. And if you cut corners, I will make you suffer. Go!” Shadis growls and Eren accepts his punishment wordlessly. He runs the trail while the rest of the cadets go through their regular drills. He keeps running as they keep working, and even after the cadets leave, he keeps running.

He doesn’t think about why, he doesn’t think about how he yelled back at Shadis. He just runs. Mind blank, stomach demanding food. He’s supposed to run a hundred laps but he isn’t keeping count. The hunger is making his mind fuzzy and all he knows is running and hunger.

“Are you still at it? It’s been hours. Either you’re lazy or forgot how to count,” Jean laughs. Jean is a human. Humans are meat. Eren slows to a stop about ten meters away. He licks his lips, mind still fuzzy.

“By that blank stare, looks like you forgot to count,” Jean rolls his eyes, but Eren doesn’t respond. Words are for humans. Humans are meat. He walks closer to the human.

“You’re being kinda creepy, you know that?” Jean answers. Jean is a dick, Eren never liked him. He could go missing. He could be meat. Eren keeps walking towards the food. Jean starts to back away, muttering something. Doesn’t matter. Eren is so hungry.

A new scent. Mikasa. Eren halts. He can’t. His human mind is fuzzy and far away, but he remembers that he can’t eat Jean. He can’t eat anyone. Humans are more than meat.

“Eren,” Mikasa growls.

“Come collect your weirdo, he’s being creepy,” Jean demands, before turning to leave. The food is gone.

“Eren. What were you doing?” Mikasa is pissed. She must know what he was doing, so why is she around him and not running away?

“Hunting,” he mutters honestly.

“Eren,” her voice is so sharp. But the truth is the truth. “I can try to hunt instead. Or steal something from town. You can’t go on like this.” Words. Human plans and thoughts. He is a titan, and titans need to only find humans.

“I’m fine,” he grunts and shoves past her. He’s not, but he doesn’t want her neurotic mothering right now. He just wants to eat.

“I’m going to try to figure something out. Just hang on, okay?” She pleads. Eren doesn’t care. He goes back to running. The only things a titan needs to know is how to run, find humans, and eat. So he runs to where the humans are at; the recreation building. 

“Oh, hey Eren,” Bertholdt smiles at him as soon as he enters. Eren blinks, trying to remember the human response to it. Ultimately he just grunts.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed you’ve been kinda grumpy lately…” If Eren was more aware he might notice how the room went still and all eyes were on him. “And, well, we figured it was because Shadis caught you hunting…”

“Here,” Reiner butts in and offers Eren a few large cuts of jerky. He doesn’t wait to bite into one, the meat still in Reiner’s grasp as he brings both to his awaiting maw. Reiner actually squeaks and retracts his hand, but Sasha is laughing so it might be okay. The flesh is dry and tasteless but it’s food. It’s something to quell his stomach.

“Look, we’ve noticed that you really only eat meat,” Reiner continues and Eren tenses. “We don’t need to know why, but you’re one of us. And that means we can’t let you starve,” Reiner gives a playful shove before returning to his seat. Bertholdt takes his turn to offer a few more cuts of jerky.

“My mom sent it to us. She lives in a village to the north and had a good season with her tavern,” he explains. Eren hardly cares, he’s still filling his stomach with the precious stuff.

“If we all give you our meat, you better stop being so bitchy. You look like you want to skin us and eat us alive half the time,” Connie jokes. Eren roughly swallows before awkwardly laughing.

“Thanks,” he says lamely. The full realization starts to set. “Thanks, really,” his voice is softer and full of real gratitude. “I didn’t realize you guys knew… I don’t know what to say.”

“We’re a team. We have your back, and you’ll have ours,” Marco smiles.

“You’re our friend and we won’t let you suffer,” Krista adds with a vigorous nod, though Ymir rolls her eyes and elbows her girlfriend. Eren digests the words a bit. The comradery.

“And I’ll return the favor. I’ll make sure you are all safe. I’ll do everything in my power to keep you all safe,” he says, concreting it in his head. These are his humans. All of them are his humans. And he will protect them with his life.

.

Apparently they are moving to a new base camp. One in the mountains, for winter training. Apparently there was this big two hour lecture on it. This is all news to Eren, but the hunger was distracting him. So now he needs to play catch up and dig through the scraps of the winter supplies to find something that fits him.

“Mm, seems too tight,” Mikasa tugs on the sleeves of the thick winter coat. Eren sighs and takes off the thing. Apparently he was supposed to do this days ago, but he didn’t know he needed to pick out his own winter gear.

“Do you get hot?” Armin asks from his perch on a crate. Eren pulls another coat on. It’s bulky and makes it impossible to feel anything. He also does heat up but it doesn’t bother him.

“Yeah, but it’s nice. It feels kinda like when I’m big,” Eren clenches his gloved fists. It’s familiar in a weird way. All he feels is his own warmth. It’s nice how the small body can feel things but sometimes it is overwhelming. This feels right though.

“Would it be too weird to wear the winter outfit outside of the winter training?” He asks hopefully.

“Yes. Any human would be sweating and suffering heat stroke with it on,” Mikasa explains. Well shit. Eren takes it off but shoves the well-fitting clothes in his sack.

“So that’s what it feels like to be a titan?” Armin muses, eyes gleaming with interest. Even after all these years, the boy is still so curious.

“Yeah. We can still feel if you touch us, but it’s faded. Like with all the fur and layers,” Eren touches his own arm to demonstrate. He can feel the skin and the heat, each individual finger on his arm. If he digs a fingernail in, he can feel the extra pressure. But with the coat it's all just one uniform pressure, and there’s no pain.

“Armin, we shouldn’t be talking about it, someone could overhear,” Mikasa chides.

“No one is around,” Eren corrects her. She is always worrying over everything. She needs to just relax and enjoy the moment sometimes. Eren pulls on a heavy boot, but quickly pulls it off when it is too loose.

“I want to learn everything I can. That’s the point of joining the Scouts, so I can share these kinds of details with them,” Armin jumps in.

“How do you plan on doing that anyway? You can’t exactly say you learned it from your titan friend,” Eren asks as he tries another pair of boots. Too small.

“Well no, but it actually wasn’t hard to explain things to Hanji. I just started with some key observations and connected them in an intuitive way. It makes sense if you know what to look for. Like how titans don’t seem to react to pain, but can still feel if you touch them. When you put those two facts together, it seems kinda obvious.” Armin explains. Mikasa seems weary but Eren trusts that he knows what he is doing.

“Well it’s working. The Scouts are using your tip on water right now,” Eren shrugs. He managed to get that much out of Levi’s letter.

“How do you know that?” Mikasa asks with a cocked brow.

“Levi mentioned it last time he visited,” Eren lies. He’d rather not fight with Mikasa over the letters. She would definitely want him to stop. He’s going to keep the letters and fuck buddy thing a secret as long as he can. Speaking of which, he needs to send his letter off. He’d like some more time to work on it, but doesn’t know how long travelling will take, or if there will be mail at the winter camp.

“Alright, these boots fit well enough,” Eren throws them into his sack and gets ready to leave the stuffy supply shed. He has a lot to do while he still has food in him. The jerky should hold him over for a few weeks at most but then he’ll be back to fantasizing about eating Jean.

.

As it turns out, the snow is much worse in his tiny body. It’s the first day at winter camp and they are just learning to navigate in the horrible stuff. It was so much easier in his big body, but it’s halfway to his knees in his tiny body. It’s a slog to walk through and easy to trip on invisible rocks.

He stumbles and falls face down into the misible stuff.

“Are you okay?” Armin asks from somewhere above him.

“Yeah,” he mutters from the ground. He hates this. He hates all of this. Except when on the ground, he notices something. A faint rumble, but not like a titan. He creeps over to it as softly as he can before digging into the snow and dirt.

“What are you- oh…” Armin starts but stops when Eren pulls out a groggy chipmunk.

“Let’s keep walking,” Mikasa pulls Armin along. Eren keeps a firm hold on the little fluff

“Yeah, I’ll catch up in a few,” Eren says awkwardly. He knows that his humans know, but it’s a touchy subject, especially with Armin. A human would probably leave the cute little thing be. Maybe, if they were hungry, they’d carefully slaughter and butcher the thing before cooking it with some herbs and vegetables. Eren isn’t a human. He eats the poor creature alive and whole in just one bite. So he appreciates that his humans are willing to at least look the other way with his savagery. 

He catches up with his humans soon enough and they return to base in a heavy, awkward silence. Winter training goes on and he can luckily find a few more hibernating animals. It’s a few days in, towards the end of a day practicing scouting. He’s sipping on some hot broth. It’s not that he’s cold, but he won’t pass up something meat-adjacent when offered.

“What’s with the face Marco?” he asks his friend idly.

“Daz isn’t back yet…” he mutters back. Eren surveys the room and sure enough, the blonde is missing. Training was supposed to end an hour ago.

“Ymir and Krista are gone too. They were all one group, won’t they?” Reiner muses. “I’m going to go tell Shadis,” Reiner adds. Eren gets up too, but it is mostly to explore and see if he can sniff them out.

“I’ll go too,” Eren adds as an excuse, but Reiner just shrugs. Eren ends up leading them to Shadis and Reiner doesn’t comment about his ability to know where he is. Shadis isn’t in his office, he’s in a back room with a group of other instructors.

“Sir,” Reiner starts with a salute and Eren mimics the action. “We noticed that some cadets haven’t made it back yet.”

“Yes, we are aware of the situation,” Shadis growls. There’s a moment of silence before Reiner speaks up again.

“Do you have plans to search for them?”

“We already did, but we couldn’t find them in time,” an instructor pipes up with a heavy tone. 

“‘In time’? What does that mean?” Eren asks. He knew that humans could freeze fast, but they had winter gear. They should be fine.

“A blizzard is coming in. It’s why we cut training short today. It’s starting to pick and if we send anyone out now, they won’t be able to make it back.” Shadis explains and shoots the instructor a dirty look.

“So what’s the plan?” Eren asks.

“We wait until tomorrow and if they are lucky, they found a place to escape the storm.”

“But, if they didn’t…” Eren begins but Shadis is clearly done with the conversation.

“Sir, we trust your judgement. Thank you, sir,” Reiner salutes and pulls Eren out of the room. They begin walking back to the rec room but Eren is still making sense of the conversation.

“What if they didn’t find a warm place?” Eren asks. He remembers watching Armin and Mikasa slowly freeze. Will that be Ymir, Krista, and Daz?

“Then we’ll find them tomorrow,” Reiner explains with a sour face.

“Will they be okay?”

“No, not if they don’t find somewhere warm. But Shadis is right, it’s pointless to send more people out. It’ll just be more bodies to find tomorrow.” Reiner says bitterly. Eren stalls in the hallway while Reiner goes into the rec room to break the news. He can’t get the image of them freezing to death, their frozen bodies being hidden under snow. He’ll probably be the one to find their bodies tomorrow, with his sense of smell.

Eren paces. He hates this. Sure, they aren’t his humans but they are still his friends. If it was Armin and Mikasa out there, he’d be going after them without thinking. But it’s not them and he doesn’t have to save them. 

But he could. The others can’t, it’s too cold and there’s no visibility. They’ll have to go find their frozen bodies tomorrow. But Eren doesn’t freeze, and he can sniff them out. He can save them. And that’s what humans do, they save other humans. He can save them. He wouldn’t even be putting himself at risk. He’s not going to freeze, he just needs someone to vouch for his location, if anyone asks where he is.

Armin is in the bathroom, which is good, because that means he can get him alone. Mikasa would tell him to leave them to die but Armin doesn’t have the heart.

“Gah! Eren, we’ve talked about this,” Armin yells as he finishes up his piss. “People want privacy in the bathroom,” he sighs. Most others don’t seem to want it as much as Armin does, but that doesn’t matter right now.

“I need your help,” Eren says when Armin begins washing his hands.

“With what?” Armin asks, ready to move on.

“I’m going out to save them,” Eren says, determined. He can do this. He will. He just needs someone to cover for him. “I need you to say that I never left, that I was with you.”

“Is that safe? Do you think you’d be okay?” Armin asks, biting his lip and looking torn about it.

“I’ll be fine. You know the cold doesn’t affect me,” Eren assures him. He knows that Armin will agree. Mikasa wouldn’t, but Armin cares too much.

“Okay, let’s do this,” Armin says, picking up confidence. Eren knew he wouldn’t be able to say no.

“I’m doing this, you are staying here,” Eren corrects him. No way in hell he is letting either of his humans out into that mess.

“I’m not going out, but I’m still going to help. You’ll need to take supplies. Blankets and something hot,” Armin nods, making a mental list of everything Eren will need. Good thing Armin always pays attention in lectures, because Eren was only half listening during the search and rescue classes.

Armin pilfers what they’ll need and is smart enough to take from the back of the shelves so people don’t notice the missing supplies. And he gives Eren a crash course on first aid and treating hypothermia before sending him out the back door.

As soon as he leaves the warmth of the building, the storm is on him. The icy winds batter his face and the building disappears into hazy whiteness within just a few meters. It’s uncomfortable but it’s not debilitating. The other cadets were shivering and struggling to move, but Eren was just annoyed by the cold.

The worst part of it is the sight. He can’t see shit, it’s just a white and gray around him. It’s unsettling, but he can do this. He just needs to rely on scent. He sucks in the frigid air and tastes it. All the cadets are there, but after wandering around the building he can pick out the missing three’s scent. It’s their trail leaving the camp, but it’s a start. Eren struggles through the snow, following the scent. He stumbles over hidden rocks but presses on. 

It hits him hard. Blood and fear whacks him in the face with a shifting wind. He follows the trail, buzzing with the need to save his friends and creeping need to feast.

He finds them huddled under a tree. Definitely not a ‘warm place’ to ride out the storm. Daz is laying unconscious in a makeshift stretcher, bloody leg wrapped up. Ymir is hugging Krista tightly, rubbing her arms and muttering. The trio reek of fear and Daz’s bloody is heavy in the air. Food. No, friends. Friends, that he will save. 

He could eat them. He could shift and eat them whole, never leaving a trace. He could go back to base, tell Armin he couldn’t find them, and they would be reported missing. No one would ever know. He could finally eat.

“Eren? What… what the fuck are you doing here?” Ymir asks around shuddering and clattering teeth. She looks at him with shock and hope. A full array of human emotions. Precious and so much more than meat. Eren reminds himself of that again and again, they are more than meat.

“I’m here to rescue you, idiot,” Eren answers, still trying to fight back the instincts. His words are clean and smooth, no signs of stuttering that Ymir has. No impact from the cold. 

“Oh, Eren, would you like some tea?” Krista asks, smiling widely and offering a palm full of snow.

“Krista, no, don’t touch the snow,” Ymir hisses and pulls her arms back. Eren stars at the smaller woman, trying to figure out what the fuck she is on about.

“She’s confused,” Ymir explains, dread and fear painted over her face. Confused. Right, Armin mentioned that. Hypothermia, with confusion being a sign of moderate cases.

“Let’s get you back then,” Eren pulls out some supplies. Armin gave him a bit of everything, but some blankets and a thermos of warm tea seem like a good start. Ymir greedily holds it, sipping and offering a bit to Krista.

“Oh, Eren, this is lovely tea, how did you know?” she gushes, clearly out of it.

“Who else is with you? Do you have flares to signal them?” Ymir asks.

“Uh, no one. And no. I’m not supposed to be doing this,” Eren explains, eying Daz’s leg. It looks bad, and part of him wonders if he will keep it. If the leg needs to be amputated, then surely a taste wouldn’t hurt…

“Eren, what the fuck is wrong with you? How are we even supposed to go back? I can barely walk, and Krista and Daz can’t move at all. Do you even know the way back?” Ymir yells, and Eren can smell the fear rising back up. He takes a step back, trying to get some fresh air.

“I can lead you back, if you guys can move,” Eren offers, sucking in the blood free air.

“ We can’t move . It’s too cold, the snow is too thick,” Ymir says, her frustration boiling over.

“Ymir, it’s okay, we have plenty of biscuits to go around,” Krista nuzzles into her chest.

“We’re going to die. Fuck, Eren, you could have saved us but your dumb ass fucked it up and now we are all going to die,” Ymir panics. She hugs Krista tightly and rocks back and forth.

“Ymir, let me go, it’s getting hot,” Krista whines but Ymir doesn’t relent. They are dying. This is how humans freeze to death.

“I can carry you all back,” Eren says, struggling to face the reality of how dire it is.

“How?” Ymir hisses.

“I can carry you all back, and keep you warm, Shield you from the cold. I used to do it with Armin and Mikasa, before we joined the cadets,” Eren explains. He still doesn’t know if he should. Would they tell? Would they panic? He could still leave them to die. Maybe if they react badly, he could do it. See how they respond, after he shows them.

“Eren, what are you talking about?” Ymir asks, low and angry but with a glint of hope.

“You can’t tell anyone. No one.”

“Eren…”

“I mean it, Ymir. Swear that you won’t tell anyone, and I’ll save you all.”

“Alright,” Ymir chuckles a desperate laugh. “If you can save Krista, I’ll keep whatever secret you want.”

“Okay, good. And just remember that I don’t want to hurt you, or anyone, okay? I know that it might be confusing but I’m not a threat, okay?” Eren pleads. He needs her to understand. Shit, is he really doing this?

“Eren, just do whatever it is you’re going to do? We are literally dying,” Ymir scowls. Right. To Eren it is just uncomfortably cold, but they are freezing to death.

“Right,” Eren mutters and turns to walk a few paces away. He needs more space to shift.

“Eren?” Ymir asks, panic in her voice once again as they disappear into the whiteness behind him. Then, he bites his hand.

“Fuck, shit, what the fuck,” come from below him. Eren turns and squats down, getting a look at the tiny blurs of humans. Slowly, he offers his hand as a platform for them. Ymir stares, frozen. Krista squirms and comments about training. It’s the moment of truth. Ymir can fight or run or scream, and the three can die. Or they can trust him.

A moment goes by before Ymir stands and pulls Krista with her. And into Eren’s waiting hand. Then she struggles with Daz, but Eren carefully helps the unconscious body along. When all three bodies are in the palm of his hand, he covers them with his other. Cupping them in warm and calm air. Then, he walks.

He walks down the mountain and hopes it isn't to his doom. Humans help other humans, and he can only hope Ymir is willing to extend that to helpful titans.

He stops when the outline of the camp becomes just barely visible. Then he squats down and  lifts his hand, giving the humans a way out. Inside are the three humans, looking a little bit better.

“ Go ,” Eren struggles to say in his big form. Words are harder with this mouth, but they get the message. He looks over to the building and Ymir’s gaze follows. She pulls Krista up and out of Eren’s hand before dragging Daz along too.

“What a big boy you are,” Krista mumbles up at Eren.

“Come on Krista, we need to walk this way,” Ymir pulls her again.

“I want to go back into the warm though,” Krista keeps looking up at Eren. Her cold addled brain just can’t make sense of it. Eren stands and walks away, leaving the three humans to make the last few meters on their own.

Eren goes back into the woods, to a heavily wooded area to lose his big body. Though it’ll probably be long gone by the time the storm ends, he doesn’t want to risk any human finding it.

It’s a slow journey for the lost trio apparently, because Eren is back and his humans are putting away the borrowed supplies when they hear the commotion. Mikasa caught wind of his scheme, of course Armin tattled to her. But Eren was long gone by the time she found out, so all she can do is sulk about it.

“They made it back!” Connie yells through the halls. The building comes alive with cheery cadets rushing to the infirmary. The three of them finish their task quickly before joining. 

A paramedic is on them, checking them out. Ymir is warming up with a blanket by Krista’s bed. The smaller blond is completely out, sleeping soundly under a pile of blankets. Daz is in bad shape, but alive at least.

“How did you make it back in the storm?” Sasha gawks.

“We knew it was downhill. Took us a long time to figure out exactly where though,” Ymir lies. She looks briefly at Eren before brushing a lock of hair behind Krista’s ear.

“And with an injured cadet?” Jean adds, shocked that Ymir could pull it off.

“Don’t underestimate me,” she scoffs. The tension in Eren’s gut loosens. She’s lying. She’s keeping her promise.

“Give them some rest,” the paramedic chides. “The two girls should be fine, but I need to get this young man into surgery,” she adds as she wheels away the limp body.

“Krista looks pretty out of it too. Did you have one on each shoulder?” Connie presses.

“Guys, fuck off already, We’ll tell you the full story tomorrow but just let us sleep,” Ymir snarls and that gets the cadets to start filing out. Eren joins them, but dawdles in the hallway.

“I can’t believe they made it back. Maybe they were pretty close to base?” Jean muses. “But how could Ymir carry them back?”

“She is pretty strong,” Renier adds. Armin and Mikasa stay silent. They know what happened. Though maybe not exactly. And Eren hopes they don’t learn that he blew their cover. Speaking of which, he quickly breaks away from the group and slinks back to the infirmary.

“Walls, what is it now?” Ymir starts bitching but stops dead when she sees it is Eren. He shuffles foot to foot, trying to think of what to say. Is she going to tell? Does he need to answer any questions?

“Don’t,” she says, putting a hand up. “Don’t say anything. I don’t want to know.”

“But-”

“But nothing. I don’t know what is going on with you, but I can tell it’ll be trouble. I don’t want it. I appreciate what you did, but I don’t want to get involved in whatever mess that you have going on.” Ymir sneers.

“Aren’t you afraid or curious?” Eren is stumped. He didn’t expect this reaction.

“Nope,” she pops her p. “I managed to haul Daz back, and Krista was able to walk by herself and no one will ever know otherwise. And if some horrible secret of yours comes out down the road, I didn’t know shit,” Ymir explains. Eren nods. It makes sense. He thought she would either immediately tell or demand answers, but she just doesn’t want to get involved.

“Good. Now go, you don’t have any reason to be here,” Ymir points at the door.

“Right. Get well soon. And thanks,” Eren leaves the room. Mikasa is glaring at him when he walks into the hallway.

“Well?” She asks, bitter and pissy.

“Everything’s fine. She’s not going to tell anyone,” Eren walks away. He did his job, he saved them. And now it’s time to leave this behind.

“And how much does she know?” Mikasa asks.

“She doesn’t want to know anything,” Eren answers.

“It makes sense. He did save her, the least she can do is keep quiet,” Armin tries to smooth things over. But it’s no use, Mikasa is pissed and is going to be bitching at him until he passes out for the night.

.

Ymir chews her potatoes slowly, replaying last night’s events again and again. Eren just came out of fucking nowhere, like a spector. Not bothered at all by the storm and frigid temperature. Ymir was sure she was hallucinating. Especially when he turned into a fucking titan . Ymir was sure, at that point, that she was as gone as Krista. That they were all going to die in the snow, and her frozen brain was just creating visions.

But then she was pulling Krista and Daz towards the camp. And she was still ready to think it was a hallucination, and she just somehow powered through it. Because being able to turn into a titan is crazy. So she was ready to write it all off. Until Eren snuck back in her room. When she was warm and completely sane.

The fucker really is a titan. Or able to turn into one. Whatever. 

“Are you not going to eat your beef?” Krista asks. She had already eaten her entire breakfast, but Ymir knew she wasn’t asking for her leftovers. No, Krista never thought like that. She was too kind, too pure. She just wanted to make sure that Ymir got her energy back.

Ymir, however, remembers more from the last night. She presses her fork into the meat, causing juices to spill out.

“Yeah, yeah, I will. I’m just going to stretch my legs while I eat,” Ymir pulls herself out of the bed.

“Is that a good idea?” Krista pouts. And no, the medic said to stay in bed and stay warm. But one image from last night haunts Ymir. Not of the love of her life dying. Not the unstopping, smothering snow. No, it was Eren’s eyes. The way he looked at Daz. Like he was food.

And that’s because he probably was food, to Eren at least. When Eren first found them, he wanted to eat them. Ymir could feel it, they were predator and pray. Those cold, teal eyes had found food. At least until some other part of his brain kicked in and decided to not eat them.

Eren is with the other cadets in the mess hall. There’s no tray in front of him. He only ever eats with them if there is meat, and only the meat. He’ll say that he ate earlier, or his stomach is upset but it’s easy to see the pattern. Dude is a carnivore, and now Ymir knows humans are on his menu.

Eren senses her. No one else picks her out from the dark hallway, but Eren tilts his nose up and turns right towards her. Is he smelling her? Shit. Fuck. It would explain how he found them last night. How he always seems to be able to find anyone. Why he is so good at tracking down animals to hunt. Or people. The thought sends a shiver down her spine.

Ymir nods at him and he quietly excuses himself from the table before trotting over. He’s curious and innocent, and Ymir cannot see the bloodthirsty monster in him. Not at the moment, anyway.

“Hey, weirdo, I thought I’d give you my leftovers. As thanks,” she offers the tray, with a thick cut of beef, to him. His eyes light up and he greedily takes it.

“Mhm, thanks,” he says before digging into the meat. He eats it with all the excitement that Sasha does, but it’s so much more morbid now. That could have been her. That could have been Krista. But for whatever reason, it’s not. Eren saved them and is eating a cow instead. He didn’t eat them last night, he went out to rescue them, risking himself. He saved Krista from certain death. So, Ymir does owe him one, titan or no.

“Looks like Ymir is changing her tune about sharing with Eren,” Marco picks them out and laughs. Eren cocks his head but keeps his focus on his meal.

“Did you learn something about teamwork last night?” Reiner chimes in. They laugh as though this is fine. They have a fucking predator in their midst and they don’t even know. They don’t realize that either they give Eren their food, or they will be his food. And Ymir isn’t going to say anything. Eren is a bomb and she wants her and Krista to be far away when it blows.

“Whatever keeps him well fed,” Ymir waves him off and slips away. Not before she catches a dark glare from him though. When she returns to her bed, Krista looks angry. Krista-angry, which is more of a cute pout than anything else.

“I had to lie and say that you were in the bathroom,” she huffs, deep blue eyes twinkling.

“You didn’t have to do anything. But thanks,” she ruffles Krista’s hair, but that quickly turns into stroking her face. Krista is alive and well, and that’s all thanks to Eren. Whatever is going on with that boy- monster?- she’ll keep his secret. As long as he doesn’t eat Krista, they are good.

“Of course I had to, you saved us last night,” the blonde smiles so brightly. “Although I have the strangest memories.”

“Oh? Like what?”

“I have memories that Eren saved us,” Krista admits to her lap. Ymir tenses. She doesn’t want this secret to be on Krista’s shoulders too. Whatever is going on with Eren, it’s going to end in disaster, and they need to stay as far away from him as possible. But Krista wouldn’t see it that way.

“Well, not exactly. Eren showed up, but then it was a titan that saved us,” Krista continues, smiling softly. Ymir bites her lip. She hoped that Krista wouldn’t remember any of it. Shit, what does she say? Will Krista understand? No, her dumbass will want to get involved.

“But it wasn’t a normal titan either, this one has clothes. A fine suit, and a top hat. We were at a tea party before that with some elves,” Krista smiles cheekily. “Crazy, huh? It was all like a dream. I don’t remember what actually happened at all.”

“You were talking about tea and biscuits,” Ymir relaxes. Thank the walls, she might have seen Eren but she doesn’t believe that he was actually there. “I can promise you, Eren wasn’t out there saving us, and there weren’t any titans or elves around.”

And that’s the story she’s going to stick with.