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Chapter Text

Prologue

A/N: Hello everyone! I've always loved the Twilight saga, except for New Moon. I don't know why, but the whole story did not sit right with me. Therefore, I thought it would be nice to rewrite the story. Please note that this fan fiction is based on Stephenie Meyer's characters. Some of the chapter titles and some dialogue are thus the same as in the original novels. However, I've rewritten most to create an alternate universe, where Bella is a little bit more assertive. Hopefully, I will rewrite the first Twilight novel as well, if you would like me to. That being said, let's get onto the story!

Edward POV:

Maybe I could do it. Maybe I could stay with her, and live a life as normal as possible for a creature like me. Bella would not have to die. She would not have to be turned into a vampire, in order to stay by my side. Instead, she would stay human, and I would still feel her warmth every single day when I touch her. I would see her blush every time she would feel embarrassed. I would love to see wrinkles appear on her face, something we would make fun of. I would feel a little bit jealous since my skin will stay the same, but I would love to see her age. I want to see her age. No, I need to see her age.

We would live somewhere excluded from anyone else, inside our own little bubble. She would be my world, just as much as I would be hers. She would grow older, but she would still be able to see her friends, Renee and Charlie. She would live a normal life, just as normal as it would be without a vampire as your significant other.

Unfortunately, neither her friends nor family would be able to visit us, given the fact I could not age. But she would see it as a small sacrifice she has to make, in order to stay with me. Actually, she would have to sacrifice every perk of a normal relationship, but I know she would gladly accept it all. And I would do everything in my power to make her happy, until the day she would ultimately die. She would be happy. I knew that for sure.

Sadly, I also knew that wasn't an option.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2: Birthday

Bella POV:

Oh no, today I'm officially 18 years old, I thought to myself while waking up. In all honesty, I've dreaded this day since I began dating Edward. Over the last six months, I've noticed there are a lot of perks about dating a vampire, but him not ageing isn't one of them. He stays 17 for eternity. Meanwhile, I'm only getting older. Of course, you won't see a difference between us yet, but I'm afraid of what will happen five years from now.

There is no point in postponing the inevitable, so I jumped out of my way too comfortable bed and hopped into the shower. As I let the warm water relax my tense muscles, I grab my shampoo bottle and start washing my hair. Once the strawberry sweet scent filled my nostrils, I chuckled a little bit. The first time my boyfriend Edward and I had to sit next to each other in Biology, he turned away from me, as if he were disgusted with my smell. I was a little bit mad since I love the scent of my shampoo. Little did I know, it wasn't the smell of my hair he hated. He hated my blood, the second he could sniff it. It was a sweet temptation, and he needed to fight the urge to not kill me in that classroom. Thinking back to it, it might have scared me off, if it weren't for how irrevocably fascinated I was. Maybe he wasn't the weird one after all.

After my shower, I've decided to dress up a little bit. After all, it was still my birthday and I wanted to dress to impress. I looked out of my window to see how the weather will turn out. It's literally always cloudy and rainy here in Forks, where I live with my father Charlie. I absolutely hated it, since I was used to the sunny climate of Phoenix where I lived with my mother Renee. Because she got remarried, I've decided to go live with my father again, here in Forks. I would have never expected Forks to be the place where I would fall in love with the most handsome person I had ever seen. Jokes on me, when I found out he wasn't even a person either, but a vampire. I learned vampires sparkle in the sunlight, which is the reason why Edward and his family are located in one of the gloomiest climates on the planet.

Today was no exception to the rule. It was a cloudy and grey day, with a constant drizzle. I put on a pair of dark blue tights with a dark blue dress. I brushed my hair and put it in a high ponytail, so it would not blow in my face all the time. Looking at the few make-up items I have in my collection, thanks to the few shopping trips I took with Alice, Edward's sister, I decided to brush my brows, put on a coat of mascara and pair it with a coat of bright red lipstick. If I had to do it, I might as well excel at it. Unfortunately for me, shoes had to be comfortable and practical around here, so I put on a pair of sturdy boots. Looking at the mirror, I was quite happy with the person who was looking back at me.

I quickly rushed downstairs. My father immediately came and greeted me. He gave me my presents, and I faked being happy with them. I was never quite fond of my birthday but this one, in particular, was my least favourite. Charlie couldn't know Edward was a vampire who didn't age, so I pretended to be as happy as possible for his sake. After all, he wouldn't want his daughter to be sad on her birthday, now would he?

After saying my goodbyes to Charlie, I headed towards Forks highschool. Upon arriving, I saw Edward standing in the parking lot, next to his expensive silver Volvo. Seeing him caught me off guard a little bit. Even after dating him for over six months, I was still amazed that this beautiful creature belonged to me. I smiled to myself for being so lucky and hopped out of my car. I did not see her immediately, since I was so focused on Edward, but his sister Alice was standing right next to him. She wasn't his biological sister of course. Everyone here thought they were the adopted children of doctor Carlisle Cullen and his wife Esme. What they didn't know was the fact that everyone in the Cullen household were vampires.

I rushed towards them. Alice's eyes lit up, and I noticed she was carrying a small birthday present in her hands. I immediately felt guilty, because I've told them I didn't want to celebrate my birthday. I should have known they've wanted to celebrate, given they could not celebrate a real birthday themselves. I put on a smile as I stood before them.

'Happy birthday Bella!'

'Shh Alice,' I said, as I turned around to see if someone might have heard her. 'I don't want people to know, please.'

Alice smiled at me before she continued to whisper: 'So, do you want to open your presents now or later?'

I've wanted to pinch myself a little bit for how harsh I was towards her.

'I'm sorry, Alice,' I said. 'It's just that... I'm 18 now. Which means I'm older than you guys. And you know I don't like being the centre of attention.'

Luckily, Alice wasn't even a little bit offended by my small outburst.

'So you really don't have to give me any presents,' I continued. 'But, if you really have to, I would prefer to receive them later at your place,' I added with a shy smile.

I should have known she already knew what presents I received this morning. Alice could see the future, which sometimes came in handy. Other times, it reminded me a lot that there was a difference between 'me' and 'them'. Like it did right now.

'I really like it, actually,' I answered. 'I thought it was a very thoughtful gift.'

I really did think it was a nice gift. I might not always see eye to eye with Charlie, but I knew he meant well.

Alice was pleased with my answer. We turned around and I forgot all about my silly problems. There stood Edward, my Edward. I gave him the brightest smile I could ever give and reached out to his hand. As always, his skin felt rock hard, smooth and ice cold compared to the warmth of my own skin. He must have felt my heart flutter in my chest, as he ran his fingertips to the edges of my lips. He returned my smile, and I wished we could stay like this forever.

However, he had to ruin the moment.

'So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?' he asked.

If I would have dated a human, I would have gently and playfully slapped him on his arm. Unfortunately for me, doing that to a vampire would have only hurt me in the process. Instead, I gave him a dirty look while I answered and tried to mimic his tone; 'Yes. That is correct.'

'I was just checking,' he said. 'You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts.'

'While I certainly enjoy getting gifts, I just don't like birthdays,' I explained while winking. 'In all seriousness, I have never liked the feeling of getting older and I have never liked my birthday that much. I don't know why, but it bothers me. And now it bothers me a lot more since you're 17 and I'm 18.' I sighed.

Edward and Alice gave each other a look I could not quite understand. Eventually, Alice said; 'We will make sure you'll enjoy it this time. Everyone will be nice to you today. What's the worst what could happen?'

What we didn't know yet was that on my eighteenth birthday, the worst did happen. It was the last time all three of us could stand in that parking lot, talking about silly things. If I had known beforehand, I would have made sure we didn't talk about my birthday. Instead, I would have told them how much they meant to me. How happy I was. How lucky I felt. How they made me feel loved and how much I loved them. Instead of that, I was acting like a whiny brat.

'Anyways Bella, Edward will pick you up at 5. So you can do a little bit of homework before you're headed to our place,' Alice continued. 'I see you've already dressed up, so I can't wait for you to see what we've planned for you,' she said with an enthusiastic smile on her face.

I was giving her a look of pure terror. Was she out of her mind? What did she do? I was giving Edwards angry looks, in the hope he would help me out. Instead, that little vamp chuckled upon seeing my face and sided with Alice. Who's side was he on?

'Alice is right, you look absolutely stunning,' he said. It did not make me feel any better, and even if it did I would not show it. 'You're gorgeous in blue, and it has been ages since we've celebrated a birthday. Please just do it for us,' he continued. Alice nodded in agreement.

'Fine,' I said. 'But no funny businesses!' I demanded as I pointed my finger at both of them. I didn't like the looks they were giving each other. I didn't like that at all. Much to my amusement, the bell rang at that moment and we needed to get to class. I was happy we could let this argument slide and could go on with the rest of the day as if nothing special was happening.

Edward and I were together in almost all of our classes. Last year, we only had biology together so this was way better. Much to Charlie's approval, my grades are significantly improved compared to last year. Edward is not only a sight for sore eyes, but because he didn't require any sleep he could study as much as he wanted. He's also extremely fast, not just in running but also in reading. And he's over a hundred years old so he knows the material by heart. To-may-to. To-mah-to. He's the best tutor I could have ever wished for.

Nothing significantly happened that day. It was the last normal day I had with Edward Cullen, and I would not want to change it for the world. The last bell rang, meaning the school was over. Edward and I walked to my car while holding hands. It seemed that Edward wanted to drive me, as he opened the passenger door for me. But the thing is; I really love driving that old thing, so I just stood there and ignored his gesture.

'It's my birthday, Edward. Meaning I would like to drive,' I said.

'Playing the birthday card, I see,' he gently smiled at me while getting into the passenger seat himself. 'How convenient.'

'Only if it's working,' I jokingly said. I turned the car around and started driving towards my home. Next to me, Edward was turning on the radio while complaining about its lousy reception.

And look; you don't come for my car. You can come for me any day of the week, but you don't come for my car. My car is amazing. It's literally the best car in the world. Edward is used to beautiful, new and expensive cars and he is allowed to. But my car has character. It's old, it's sturdy. It's great.

'If you want a nice stereo, you can drive your own car,' I snapped. Edward had to hold his laugh since he wasn't used to me taking offence that quickly. He should've known better; no one is allowed to bash my car like that.

I parked my car in front of my house. Right now was one of the best moments of my day. Sitting in a car with Edward, inside our own private bubble, was simply exquisite. Edward scooted closer to me and took my face between his hands. He gently touched the sides of my face with his fingers. That simple gesture alone sent shivers down my spine. I don't know how he did it, but even after all these months his touch still amazed me and left my breathing unsteady.

'You should be in a good mood, especially today,' he whispered while breathing on my face. His scent was intoxicating. It could not be compared to anything I had ever smelled; it was simply too good to be compared to anything 'normal'.

'I'm always in a good mood when I'm around you,' I answered half-serious, half-jokingly. He seemed to like that answer, as he leaned in slowly and pressed his lips on mine. I immediately felt my heart respond to his touch. He always kissed me gently. I knew why; he didn't want to hurt me because he was way stronger than me. Still, I sometimes wish he would kiss me a little bit rougher. I wrapped my arms around him and tried to deepen the kiss. He sensed it and smiled down at me as he removed my arms around him. This gave my heart a little break to slow down a bit.

'Be good, please,' he said in a husky tone. But the thing is; I didn't want to be good, I thought to myself. I want to be bad. Meanwhile, Edward noted my heart was beating a little bit more normal, so he gave me soft kisses while still maintaining some kind of space between us.

'Do you think I'll ever get better at this?' I asked him. 'I mean, you should think I would be immune to you at this point in our relationship, right?'

The look on his face was way too smug for my liking. 'I sure hope not,' he answered. 'I love you way too much for exactly the way you are right now.'

Oh, be still my beating heart. Please. You give me away far too easily.

A/N: Next chapter will be Edward's POV!

Chapter Text

Chapter 3: Party

Edward POV:

We went inside the house. Bella wanted to watch Romeo and Juliet together, and I wanted to watch Bella. Apparently, she needed to write a movie report on it, so I was eager to help her 'study.' I lay back on the couch, while Bella put the movie in the DVD player. In the car, Bella jokingly said that her heart was still beating very fast every time I was near and it slightly annoyed her. What she didn't know was that I was equally as mesmerized with her as she was with me. The way she stood there, mindlessly preparing our little movie date, fascinated me greatly. Her dark blue dress was hugging every curve on her body and I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have met such a beautiful soul. That's what she is; although her body could do things to my mind that weren't as gentleman-ny as I would like them to be, her mind was something else. Never in my life have I met such a brave and smart woman. Obviously, she was almost blind to see her own beauty and strength, so I reminded her every single day of the extraordinary woman she has become.

She walked over to me and hugged herself in a blanket before snuggling into my embrace. This way, she stayed warm enough while I could still feel every inch of her. I never particularly liked the movie Romeo and Juliet, but I did like how we were watching it right now.

'You know, I've never really liked Romeo,' I observed when the movie began. I could feel she was getting tense. This could be fun.

'There is nothing wrong with Romeo,' Bella said. 'However, there is something wrong with you for not liking him!'

I chuckled to myself. I had obviously hit a weak spot right there. I'm guessing he is her favourite character.

'First of all, he's in love with Rosaline. Then, he kills Juliet's cousin. Don't you think that's a little weird?'

Bella wasn't having any of that. I had put myself in the wrong. First I was bashing her car and now this? I could see she wanted to give me a piece of her mind, but as always; I was just one step ahead of her. I needed to quickly put her in a good mood since she was attending her own birthday party later today.

'Please Bella, watch the movie. I'll promise you I won't be distracting you anymore. I'll be watching you.' I said as I placed some small kisses on the temple of her head. 'And I'll be your Romeo throughout the movie,' I promised in her ear.

I whispered every line Romeo spoke in her ear. I could hear her heartbeat faster and louder with every whisper. At the end of the movie, she had to cry. I kissed her tears away and told her something I was almost too afraid to tell.

'I've always envied Romeo for the ease of his suicide,' I confessed. Bella immediately turned around and looked at me, with a little worried wrinkle between her brows.

'What do you mean?' she asked.

I tried to light up the mood and jokingly said; 'Well, you humans have it so easy. All you have to do is drink a few plant extracts. For us, it's a lot harder.'

'But I don't understand. Why would you think about your own death?' She really was clueless. And I didn't want to startle her any more than I already did. I tucked a couple of hairs that escaped her ponytail back in place. I raised my right hand to cup her beautiful petite face, and I placed the index finger on my left on the worried little wrinkle between her brows.

'Listen, Bella... Last spring, when you... almost died. I couldn't think straight anymore. I was going mad. In my mind, I was wondering what I would have done if you died that day.' I saw her silently touching the little scar that was left on her wrist. 'Just as Romeo,' I continued, 'the thought of being without you was too much to handle. I couldn't. I could not see myself living in a world without you in it, alive.'

A worried look took over her face. My little plea had surely made her uncomfortable. I didn't want that. I stroked my fingers very softly on her cheeks, which turned red in response. All of a sudden, I saw a little flash of anger in her eyes.

She looked at me and said; 'I don't want to hear this, you hear me. You do not get to talk to me like this, especially not on my birthday. I love you, more than you know, and I don't want to hear this pathetic excuse.'

I was shocked to hear her spit these words out so bluntly. I wanted to answer her, telling her that I know how it feels to love someone that deeply, but she didn't let me.

'No Edward, don't correct me. I do not want to think about a world where you don't live in. I cannot think about that. What happened to me in Seattle was unfortunate, but I survived. I'm still alive, all thanks to you and your family. I do not want you to feel sorry for what happened. It was not your fault. No one could have predicted it. And I feel safe when I'm with you. I feel protected. Please. Please believe me!'

I was truly shocked to hear her say that. She was particularly begging me to believe her. I saw the honesty in her swollen, puffy chocolate brown eyes. A part of me believed her in that instant. The human part of me believed that I was truly right for her. That she was honestly safe with me. That it was not my fault she had been hurt.

The vampire part of me took over. She was attacked by a vampire. A vampire! How could I believe I wasn't at fault in that. I was a vampire. She was human. Nothing has changed with that. If she is with me, she will always be at risk. If it isn't for me accidentally hurting her, some other vampire could easily do it.

She must have seen the worried look on my face. She gave me the softest, most sincere little kiss that she had ever given me. In that kiss, I could feel her worries. In that kiss, I could feel she wanted to take my worries away. And in that kiss, I promised myself I would stay by her for as long as she wanted me to. I would not leave her side. Vampire or not, I know she wanted me to stay so I would gladly do so.

I promise you, Bella, I'll stay with you...

Just as the little stolen moment between us passed, I heard Charlie's police car outside. We rearranged the couch between us, in order to look a little less snuggly. Bella quickly grabbed my hand, something Charlie could tolerate. He entered with a large pizza box and I noticed Bella's mouth started watering. Dinner for Bella and her dad was relatively quiet. Charlie was aware of the little party Alice had planned, so he wished her a good night and told her to not come home too late. Bella quickly rolled her eyes at him and reassured him that would not be the case. She grabbed her new camera and we headed out.

I was allowed to drive this time since it was very hard to find our driveway in the dark. Bella's car is sixty years old or something like that, so it was impossible to drive if you're used to fast cars. If Bella would have allowed me to buy a car for her, I would gladly do it. Unfortunately, she absolutely didn't want me to.

'You know, the offer to buy you a nice little Audi still stands,' I reminded her.

'Buy me a Lamborghini and I might take you up on your offer,' she laughed in response. How could you not love this woman?

'But in all seriousness Edward, I hope this birthday isn't too much.... you know. Just a nice little party.'

'Just a nice little party,' I agreed.

'But Bella, I have to warn you; the last real birthday we celebrated was Emmett's in 1935. We might be a little bit over-excited.'

Bella groaned, but I saw a little smile appear on her face. She did not want to show it, but I'm assuming she was secretly just as excited as we were. Talking with her about past birthdays, I noticed she never really celebrated them. I've wanted to make her feel special. Even if it wasn't a very large party, she would be surrounded by my family members who all loved her as if she were also a vampire. She became part of my family. She was my family.

'Why are you smiling at me like that, goofball?' she jokingly said.

'It's the nerves, I guess. And I haven't told you Emmett and Rosalie are also attending us tonight.' I quickly glanced over to see her reaction to that statement. She only nodded, which was good. So far, so good.

'Okay, but I thought they were still in Africa?'

'They returned. Emmett did not want to miss this for the world, and I promise you that Rosalie will be on her best behaviour tonight. She will.' I said more to myself than to Bella.

She was quiet for a minute before her smile returned. I know she loves Emmett as a brother, thus seeing him again would mean the world to her even if she would have to face Rosalie again. For some reason, my whole family could accept Bella as my partner, except for Rosalie. She was always rude to her or ignored her. Luckily, everyone else was smitten with her.

I quickly changed the subject. 'Is there anything else you would like for your birthday?'

Bella paused to think about it. I could almost feel her doubt telling me. Go on, I thought to myself. Just tell me.

'Well,' she started. 'Not for a birthday present, so don't worry about it. But somewhere in the future, I would like to be like you. And I'm not saying this to upset you. I don't want to upset you. But right now, at this moment, turning into a vampire is something that I would like to see happen at some point. Please don't be scared about it. We will discuss it, later. I've just wanted to tell you, so you can think about it. We will obviously discuss it when the time is right and right now, it isn't. But when you asked me what I wanted, the first thing that came to mind is... well... you.'

She looked at me, with so much love in her bright eyes. I truly didn't know how to answer. If I had a heart, it would have been filled with so much love and regret right now. Love for the woman in front of me. Regret for her wish, regret knowing that her deepest desire is to become a vampire. I wish I hadn't known. But she was right, this wasn't the time nor place to discuss such an important topic.

'You are right,' I sighed. 'We will have to discuss this when the time is right. Thank you for telling me, Bella. I know what you're asking and I know you've probably thought about this a lot. And you know how I think about it at this very moment. For now, we'll let it slide and enjoy our evening. What do you say?'

'I love you, Edward,' she simply replied.

'I love you too.'

'Hey, if I'll take pictures of your family members, will they even show up on camera?' she asked. I burst out laughing. The mood immediately became a lot lighter and I thanked her mentally for that. We spent the rest of the car ride talking back and forth about ridiculous vampire beliefs.

Once we arrived at the Cullen household, Bella's face simply lit up upon seeing all the pink decorations. Alice really outdid herself. Japanese lanterns and bowls of pink roses (her favourite!) were everywhere. We walked inside, and in the midst of the living room, there were all six Cullen family members, who all screamed 'happy birthday, Bella!' in unison. The room was decorated with pink roses, pink candles, a whole lot of presents and one very large pink birthday cake with roses on it. I didn't know what to expect, but I certainly did not expect Bella to burst out crying once she saw everyone. I held her in my arms and gave her a few soft kisses on the top of her head.

'Hey hey, what's wrong?' I quietly asked. 'We can leave if you don't want to stay here.'

'No. No. It's fine,' she sobbed into my arms. 'I just really did not expect you guys to do this for me,' she explained.

'I'm slightly overwhelmed, that's all. You really did not have to do all of that,' she said to everyone in the room. 'These are just happy tears. I'm very thankful for all of this, truly.'

I kissed some of her tears away. 'Don't be ridiculous, Bella. We happily did so.'

I bowed down so my lips would be close to her ear and I whispered: 'I did not expect this reaction, you know. But nonetheless, I'm happy you don't hate us for throwing you a party.'

Bella laughed at me and answered; 'For a vampire who can read minds, you sure as hell can't read mine. Of course, I would never hate you for throwing me a party. It's just that I never really had one. If I would have known they were as amazing as this one, you can throw me one any day of the week.'

She smiled at my family. 'I'm sorry that I've been this emotional. Now, come on and give me a hug!'

My parents hugged her first. Esme placed a tender kiss on her forehead, while Carlisle apologised for how excessive the party had become. Bella didn't seem to mind anymore, and I was thankful for that. Rosalie and Emmett followed. Luckily, Rosalie did not show any signs of annoyance. Emmett simply hugged her and I was bothered for a moment it would be too tight for my delicate Bella. Again, she didn't seem to mind.

'Let me see, can I already see some wrinkles on your forehead. Oh wait, here is one,' Emmett teasingly said.

'Thanks a lot, Emmett. You always have a special way with words,' Bella said as she rolled her eyes at him.

'I have to step outside for a second,' he said while winking way too obvious at Alice. 'Don't do anything funny while I'm gone.'

'I wouldn't dream of it,' Bella shouted at his back.

The last ones to approach Bella were Alice and Jasper. Jasper stood as far away from Bella as possible since he had the most trouble controlling his urges. Alice did not have a problem with Bella's scent, as she hugged her firmly.

'I knew you would love it,' she whispered in her ear.

Bella smiled; 'You're not playing fair, Allie. You can literally see the future.'

'Even if I didn't. I know what my best friend wants.' She winked.

'Thank you, Alice. It really means a lot to me.'

'Remember that when I tell you that you need to open your presents now.'

I saw Bella looking as anguished as she could.

'Oh no, Alice. I've told you that wasn't necessary.'

It did not work though.

'You did. And I didn't listen,' Alice said. I had to chuckle a little bit. Bella could try all she wanted, but if Alice had something in her head, she could not be told otherwise.

Alice gave Bella the largest box, to begin with. It was from Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper. She unwrapped the gift and looked up in confusion. The box was completely empty.

'Thank you,' she managed to say as thoughtful as she could. Everyone had to smile a little bit at her gesture, poor Bella.

Jasper finally explained; 'It's a stereo for your truck. Emmett's installing it so you can not return it. We know you would want to, otherwise'

Bella had to laugh at that statement. I was sure she could remember my earlier little banter about her terrible radio. I saw she was relaxed tonight. I love seeing her like that. She had nothing to be afraid of.

'Thank you, Jasper and Rosalie,' she said. She turned to face the door, where Emmett was still installing the stereo. 'And thank you, Emmett,' she yelled in his direction. We all heard Emmett's laugh coming from Bella's car.

Alice was beyond thrilled. I seriously don't think I have ever seen her this excited before, in almost the decade that I have known her. She jumped up and down and handled Bella our present.

'Please Bella, open mine and Edward's now,' she literally almost shouted. Bella quickly turned to me. I was expecting her to give me a dirty look, but she luckily only smiled in my direction. I can't lie; part of me was wondering what she would think of our gift. I did not spend any money on it as promised, even though I would have loved to buy her anything. I gave her a quick little kiss before Bella extended her arm toward Alice and grabbed our present.

If I could go back in time, I would. I would have slapped our present out of her hands. I would have taken Jasper hunting, so he would not be thirsty right there. I would have done so many things differently. The moment she slipped her finger beneath the paper, and the paper sliced into her skin, leaving a little drop of bright red blood behind, I knew. I knew I had messed up.

Everything happened in a blur.

I heard Jasper thinking. Blood. BLOod. BLOOD. He became a predator. All signs of humanity have left him.

'NO!!' I shouted. I saw Jasper was ready to attack Bella. I could not let that happen. I reached out to her and quickly shoved her out of the way. I could fight Jasper if necessary, but Bella absolutely couldn't. It luckily did not have to come that far, as Emmett instantly trapped Jasper in his arms. Only mere moments later, I also smelled it. The faint smell of blood had quickly become more penetrating. I needed to protect her, that was the only thing on my mind. Once I looked around, I saw that everyone was watching Bella. Eying Bella. Looking at Bella. Looking at her blood. On her hands. On her arms. On our carpet. It was everywhere. Literally everywhere. Oh no, what have I done?

Chapter Text

Chapter 4: Stitches

Bella POV:

Oh no. Oh no, what have I done? Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did I have to be so clumsy? Why? Why did I ruin a perfectly good night? I was devastated.

The blood kept pouring out of my veins. I could not look at it, since the smell alone made me nauseous. Carlisle was the only one who could think clearly.

'Emmett, Rose, take Jasper outside,' he demanded. Emmett nodded quietly, but I could still see a glimpse of... Of what, remorse in his eyes? This must be so hard for all of them! Why was I such a klutz! Eventually, Esme also had to leave the room. I felt horrible.

I took a good look at Edward, who was protecting me and eying everyone in the room like a hawk. I knew his muscles could not tense, but the way he stood there I could have sworn they were tense. He was ready to fight everyone off, who was getting too close to me.

Eventually, Carlisle realised I needed to get stitches. Edward was carrying me towards a chair, while Carlisle took his equipment to stitch me up. Edward did not want to leave my side, but I ordered him; 'Please Edward, go outside. I see how hard this is for you, and Carlisle will take good care of me.' I smiled reassuringly.

Edward sighed and turned to Carlisle; 'Please, take care of her,' before he ran out of the room. I was wondering what he was thinking at that moment.

Edward POV:

I was thirsty. I did not want to be, but I was. I ran out of the room, into the cool evening air and took a deep breath. I hadn't even realised I was holding my breath while I stood next to Bella. I looked around to find my family members, their shocked expressions matched my own, I assumed.

I did not see Jasper straight away. He'd flown a couple of miles through the woods. I followed him. He was sitting on a fallen branch, looking devastated. I did not want to startle him, he looked so lost. But of course, he already noted my presence.

'Edward, I am so sorry,' he whispered. Truth to be told, I wanted to be mad at him. I wanted to fight him. I wanted him to feel as hurt as I was right now. I wanted him to feel my pain. Luckily for me, if you could call it that, Jasper senses the emotions of those around him. When Bella was bleeding, he must have felt the thirst of all of us. Thus I could not be mad at him, he was simply feeling everything we all felt. And, at this moment he must have felt my sadness and despair.

'It wasn't your fault, Jasper,' I said as I looked at him. 'You were feeling what we all have felt. We were all thirsty and you felt all our emotions combined.'

I sighed. I felt an immense weight on my shoulders, and I absolutely didn't know what to do. Bella was safe at this moment, but it could have gone so much worse. I could have saved her this time, but what would happen next time? Could I prevent the next time from occurring? How could I prevent the next time from occurring? What would I need to do?

'Edward, this is not your fault. It was an accident,' Jasper said. Of course, he could feel my self-hatred inner monologue. Stupid Jasper and his stupid abilities, I thought to myself. But I couldn't help it; it really did feel as if it was my fault.

Eventually, Alice found us and joined our conversation.

'Don't beat yourself up, Edward. And you, Jasper. You couldn't prevent this. It was unfortunate, but stuff like this will happen all the time. Bella is alright and she is worried for you, Edward.' Alice explained. I heard her, but I could not quite comprehend what she was saying.

So this will happen all the time? What? I did not want that!

'Don't try to make me feel any better, Alice,' I almost shouted. She was shocked to hear the anger in my voice. I was angry. At myself. For putting Bella in danger. No one could sugarcoat it anymore, and I knew I was putting Bella in danger by being with me. We eventually all got up and ran back into the house.

I had regained control of my thirst. A different emotion took over once I saw Bella sitting there. A feeling of warmth took over, and I was relieved she was okay. Okay, for now, a voice in the back of my head said. I tried to ignore it, as I walked over to her.

'You sure know how to kill a party,' I smiled at her.

She returned my smile and I saw a flash of calm in her eyes. 'You know, I was dressed to kill, but I didn't mean myself for that matter.'

If I would have had a heart, it would hurt a bit by her statement. But, I was also happy she could joke about it in times like these.

If I would have had a heart, it would hurt a bit by her statement. But, I was also happy she could joke about it in times like these. Sometimes, she is absolutely stronger than me.

'Come on my femme fatale, time to get you home.' Bella nodded and stood up, and quietly took her things. She also took her half-opened presents. At the door, she turned around and looked at both my parents.

'I'm sorry the night turned out like this,' she said before quickly walking out of the door and towards her car. I glanced quizzically at Carlisle and Esme, before following Bella.

She was already standing next to her pick-up. She let me drive it, which was not a good sign. Neither of us spoke. Neither of us turned her new stereo on. The car ride was completely silent. I wanted to be the first one to break the silence, but I didn't know what I could say. I'm sorry Bella for hurting you multiple times? I'm sorry Bella for bringing you into my house, a house full of vampires? I'm sorry Bella that I could not stay away from you? I'm sorry Bella that I've fallen head over heels for you? I'm sorry Bella that I'm not strong enough to be separated from you, even though that would be the best for you? Neither of those excuses sounded right in my head, let alone if I would speak them out loud. Bella could not take it anymore and she begged me; 'Say something.'

I didn't know how to answer. 'What do you want me to say?' I instead asked her.

'Please forgive me, Edward, I feel responsible for what has happened. If I had been more careful, we wouldn't be in this situation. If I had been more careful, I would not have cut myself. If I would not have cut myself, no one would feel thirsty. I pushed all your buttons and it is all my fault.' She said out of breath, almost hyperventilating. I could hear her voice break, and when I looked over I saw tears forming in her eyes.

Then, it clicked. She was trying to be strong in front of my family. She was just as shaken up by the whole thing as I was. I could pinch myself for not seeing it sooner.

'Bella please, it's no one's fault,' I said equally to her as to myself. I didn't sound convincing though as I blamed myself mostly. I could see she didn't believe me either.

'How do you think I feel, Bella?' I instead asked her. 'I'm beating myself up, just as badly as you do right now. The only difference is that you only gave yourself a little papercut. That's nothing. If you had a normal boyfriend and you gave yourself a papercut, the worst that could possibly happen is that you could not find a bandage. But what did I do? I took you into a house full of vampires. Something like this was bound to happen. I'm to blame for this, Bella. Me!' I shouted at her.

She was quiet for a while. Clearly, I made her think about it. Suddenly, she looked at me with such devotion in her eyes, it kind of took me off guard.

'You're right, it's your fault,' she said while drying her tears. 'You kind of suck, you know.' She said with a warm smile on her face.

I could not understand this woman. Here I was, telling her all the reasons why being with me is the worst that could happen to her, and she made a joke out of it? How could she?

'Edward, we're clearly blaming ourselves for this,' she eventually continued in a more serious tone. I could hear her heartbeat more steadily, meaning she wasn't as agitated as before. 'And that's not helping either of us. So I suggest we'll postpone this conversation to when we're a little bit more cooled down. Or well, if I'm a little bit more cooled down since you're always cold.' She said while playfully rubbing my arm a bit. The warmth of her skin would have sent shivers down my spine if I could have shivered.

I hummed in agreement, as we arrived at her house. I looked down at her worried face and decided that I would let the topic slide. For tonight. For her.

'So, do you want to open the rest of your presents now?' I asked her.

'Oh absolutely not. I want to open them in my room tonight. You will still be coming, right?'

I knew that I could not say no to her, so I simply nodded. I did not want to stay away from her, since the shock of tonight was still so fresh in my memory. At least, I wanted her to have a great end to her birthday even though the party really flopped.

'See you soon,' I said as I leaned down to kiss her. I pulled her into my embrace and started kissing her forehead, the tip of her nose and both of her cheeks. Her heartbeat quickly changed from a soft barely noticeable beat to a quick beat that almost resembled a night club. I could feel her smile as I leaned in and planted a quick kiss on her lips. She didn't want that. She put both of her arms around my neck and stretched upward on her toes before she deepened our kiss. Her sweet scent did things to me, so I had to pull away. I always had to pull away, in order to stop on time before anything would happen to her. But how I longed for her! She wouldn't know!

She gave me one last smile before she turned around and walked inside her house.

Bella POV:

Edward had been quiet all evening. I knew he was blaming himself for the accident, just as much as I was blaming myself. This wasn't good, Edward has a little flair for the overdramatic, and his natural pessimistic tendencies could easily overrule his joyous character. I had to tell him it wasn't his fault, even if he would not believe me straight away.

After our lovely kiss (oh, the things he did to me, he would never understand!), I quickly went inside to greet Charlie.

'Hey Dad, I'm home,' I shouted. I could hear there was a football match on tv tonight so I decided to enter the living room if I wanted to see him. Oh, how occupied he was whenever there was a match on tv, it's really exhausting.

'Hey Bella, I almost didn't hear you come in. How was it?' he asked. I almost felt bad for how I downplayed his interest in me whenever there was a match on tv. Almost.

'Oh dad, it really was something else,' at least that part wasn't a lie, I thought. 'Alice really outdid herself. She ordered a pink cake and my favourite flowers were everywhere. She decorated the whole room and I felt really special. I even had to cry a little bit.' I cheekily explained.

That last part sparked his attention. 'Why?'

'I don't know. It was so beautiful, it just happened,' I said as I used my hands to explain the greatness of it all. That's when he noticed my arm.

'What happened to you?'

'Calm down, Dad. You know me: I fell,' I explained. 'Now, if you don't mind me, I'm hopping into a shower, since it was a long and exhausting day. Good night.'

I quickly ran upstairs before he could ask me anything else. I really wanted to hop into a shower before heading back to Edward. The water always calms my nerves, which is something I would need after today even though I already showered in the morning. After my shower, I put on my pyjamas. Since the moment I started dating Edward, my pyjamas slowly began to change into something a little bit more... Less gross. Before Edward, I only slept in Charlie's old sweaters and sweatpants. Now, I'm wearing normal pyjamas. Nothing fancy or overly sexy, but I still don't want my boyfriend to see me wearing my dad's old clothes. I headed over to my room, half expecting Edward already there.

Of course, he already was.

'Hey there, long time no see.'

'Hey.' He answered.

He looked at me with so much sadness in his eyes that I didn't immediately know how to react. Oh no. No no no. Not tonight. No sulking on my birthday. Just then, I knew what would cheer him up.

'Can I open my presents now?' I asked as I climbed on his lap, giving him a quick peck on his lips in the process.

It had worked, as he gave me a sweet little smile before giving me a long and narrow box. 'How come you want them now?'

'You made me curious. And these are the first birthday presents you have ever given me. So they set the tone for the rest of our relationship, don't you think?' I explained with a smile. He looked worried.

'But I wasn't even allowed to spend money on them. How can I meet your expectations?'

I simply rolled my eyes at him. 'Just give me the presents, Edward. I was joking before but now I really want to know what I got.'

Instead of answering, he picked up the present and pulled the paper off so I could not cut myself. A second time. How embarrassing that would have been.

I tried to give him the nastiest look I could produce. 'Gee Edward, think I can handle lifting the lid all by myself? Oh, how confident you are in my abilities! Wow,' I tried to say as sarcastically as I could. The look Edward gave me in response simple said; you know you would cut yourself a second time, right?

Ignoring him, I opened the present. I didn't know it was, actually. Suddenly, I could put two and two together and figured out these were flight tickets to Jacksonville.

'Oh. My. God. These are plane tickets! We're going to Jacksonville.' I exclaimed. 'Edward, I can't take these. It's way too much. Way too expensive. And you would have to sit inside all day since it's extremely sunny. It's too much.' But I could not remove the silly grin on my face. Even though it was way too much, I loved it. It was one of the most considerate gifts I had ever received, since the Cullens did not just buy me a plane ticket, but they bought me a plane ticket to see my mother. Forks had been amazing to me, but I still missed Renee and they knew that.

Edward was pleased with my outburst. 'Well Bella, I certainly did not expect you to be this pleased. I'm happy you like the gift. Now on to the next one.'

He opened the second present as well. You can never be too careful, I guess.

Inside the second present, there was a blank CD case. Feeling like an idiot for not knowing what three out of three gifts meant, I simply looked at Edward quizzically. He sighed and put the CD in my CD player. I heard beautiful piano music that I recognised as my own lullaby. Edward made a lullaby for me after we've met. It was beautiful. I thought plane tickets were the most considerate gift I had ever received. Boy, I was wrong. This was the best present that he could have ever given me.

I felt an immense wave of emotions rushing over me. The song brought back memories of our first encounter. How weird I thought he was. Our first date in Port Angeles. How I guessed he was a vampire. The first time I had seen his family. How welcome I've felt. How happy he makes me.

How weird tonight was. How scared I was for just a brief moment. How sad I am that he blames himself for it. How I wished I could take away his pain. His blame.

It was a long day, and tears started welling up in my eyes. I looked up and saw that Edward didn't really understand my sudden emotion.

'Thank you so much,' I whispered. 'This is beautiful. It's the best gift I have ever received, and I mean it. I can't thank you enough.'

He was obviously pleased with my answer. 'I sure do hope it had exceeded your expectations.'

'You know it has, Edward. Thank you so much. Now if you don't mind me, but I feel like I can't anymore today. I'm tired, and I just want to hug you and go to sleep.' I said with authority.

I didn't have to tell him twice. With immense speed, he lifted me from the bed and pulled me into a blanket. He laid next to me on top of the covers, in order for me to stay warm. He put his arms around me and I snuggled myself into his embrace.

I yawned. 'So after a day like today, what's on your mind right now?' I asked him, trying to get back to the subject of today's events.

'I'll promise you we'll get back to that subject. Just not right now,' he particularly begged me.

I could understand that. So, if my boyfriend did not want to engage in some pillow talk tonight, how else could I make him comfortable? Oh wait, I know!

'So Edward,' I started, trying to sound as seductively as one could get with her father sleeping in the room right next to her. 'You know it's still my birthday, right?'

'Yes.....'

'And on my birthday, you have to be nice to me. Am I correct?'

'Since when am I not nice to you?'

I rolled my eyes at him. 'That's beside the point. The thing is that I really want you to kiss me.' I batted my eyelashes at him. 'Since I really want to kiss you.' I bit my lip a little bit, hoping it would help my case. 'But you know, you don't have to, if you don't want to.' I pouted.

I saw. He was trapped. Trapped in the little dance I just performed. I was such a sneaky little bastard.

He gently cupped my face,and brought it closer to his. He started kissing me gently, as always. But instead of staying gentle, he became a bit rougher. He had never kissed me like this before. It was as if he was a castaway and I was his anchor. It was desperation. I felt his hands in my hair as if he was begging me not to stop. As if I would stop. As if I could stop. His tongue demanded mine. His lips demanded mine. All I wanted to do was follow. Follow his rhythm, follow his passion. I pressed my body into his. I couldn't help myself. I needed him. I needed his touch just as much as I needed oxygen. Way too soon for my liking, I felt his hands as he pulled me away.

'I'm sorry, it was way out of line,' he said. Trying not to sound too disappointed, I stuttered: 'I don't mind.'

But I did mind. That kiss was something else. And I could not shake the feeling off of me that something was wrong. He had never kissed me like that. He's always the one who's in control. For him to kiss me so... animalistic? It simply did not feel right. Sleep took over my worried thoughts, and I drifted into a dreamless state.

Looking back to that kiss, I wished I wasn't right about it. I wished it was just a rough kiss, and nothing more. That we were just passionate, nothing else. Looking back to it, I realised I might have missed the signs. I should have pushed him more to talk about his feelings. I should have fought harder. I should have done this. I should have done that. But the truth is, I don't know what I could have done to prevent this outcome.

I didn't know it at the time, but that kiss was him saying goodbye.

That was the last time I kissed Edward Cullen.

Chapter Text

Chapter 5: The End of an Era

Edward POV:

Watching Bella sleep was one of the many highlights of my day. I never really knew what she thought about, but while dreaming she would tell me even if she did not intend to. I took pleasure in knowing her thoughts and knowing what she dreamed of. It calmed me. Once she quietly whispered sweet ´I love you's, all my doubts faded away.

However, tonight was different. She was restless. She murmured and was obviously distressed. It broke my heart since I knew I was to blame for that. And I didn't want that. I didn't want the woman I deeply love, to be distressed. She deserved to be happy. She deserves someone better.

I could not shake the feeling that I needed to give her space. I didn't want that. More than anything I've ever wanted was to be a normal human being and to live my life with Bella right next to me. To grow old with her. When I was with her, I felt normal. I felt happy. I took great pleasure in knowing that this remarkable woman, this godsend creature, could love me. Me! A soulless vampire! Silly thoughts! She shouldn't love me. I was a great danger to her. I needed to go away. Let her live her life. Let her be happy.

NO! Another part of me shouted. Stay with her. She loves you. You love her. There is nothing else that matters. And there was nothing in the whole damn world I would love more for that to be true.

When morning came, I had made a decision. The hardest decision that I ever had to make in my entire life. I would set Bella free. It would kill me, but I needed her safe. There was nothing else in this world that I wanted more than for her to be safe and live a happy life. Being in danger every day, being around vampires that could kill her instantly, was not safe. It was not normal. Things could go wrong in the blink of an eye and I could not bear that thought. I love her more than I had ever loved anything else, and she deserves the world. So, I would set her free.

Once I had made that final decision, I spent the last few moments I had with Bella savouring every second. I buried my face in her hair, and let the strawberry sweet scent devour me. I smiled to myself since I knew the first time we had met, Bella thought I hated the smell of her hair. Little did she know at the time that I loved her smell. More than I should. I put my face right next to hers, and could not help but wonder what would have happened if I were still human. If I were her boyfriend who could not sleep and simply observed his sleeping girlfriend. I sank back into the pillows and looked at every curve of her body. Her body was changing ever so slightly, barely noticeable to the human eye. But I could see it. I could see her hips had grown a little bit over the last couple of months. I could see her breasts had swollen ever so slightly. Her body changed almost every day. Just as it should. Just as it would if I never turn her into a vampire.

I promised myself I will not let that happen. I promised myself right there and then, that this precious human being was the centre of my world and she would live a safe and happy life.

´I´m sorry Bella,´ I whispered. She shivered. She couldn't have heard me, but perhaps her non-awake instincts felt something change within me. But perhaps I was just thinking too much of it.

After a long night of bad sleep, she eventually woke up. I kissed her forehead, before leaving and going home. If I had talked to her that morning, would things have gone differently? I wouldn't know. I only knew that if I would talk to her, I could never leave. Never.

Upon arriving, I saw my sister Alice patiently waiting for me. Her seeing the future was amazing at times. Today was not one of them. She loves Bella and sees her as her best friend. She saw my decision to leave her. She wanted to interfere with that. I didn't want that. Stubbornness runs in the family, you could say.

´Before you say anything, I don't want to hear it,´ I said as quickly as I could.

Her eyes flashed with anger. ´You cannot do that to me. And you cannot do that to her. You have no right.´

´You think I don´t know that!?´ I said as I stood before her. ´You don't know what I´m feeling, Alice. You don't know what it's like to be afraid to hurt the one person you love the most. Now do you?´ I raised my arms to the sky. ´I don't know what I need to do to protect her. While she clearly needs protection from me. From us,´ I added softly.

´You will only hurt her this way, is that what you want? For her to feel miserable?´

That hit a nerve. I shook my head and headed inside. I could not deal with her right now. Alice clearly wasn't having any of that and quickly followed me.

´And you're only thinking about yourself. She is my friend too, you know. Don't be so egotistical. Please just think this through,´ she begged.

´I CAN'T think this through, Alice,´ I shouted at her. My parents and siblings didn´t know how to respond to my sudden outburst but I didn't care. ´Nothing makes sense anymore if I think this through. I won't be able to do it if I think this through. But the thing is, I NEED to do it. It's the only solution. I leave her or she becomes a vampire. There are no other options than that and I don't want her to die. I don't want her to become a vampire. I will not let that happen. So I´m sorry, but this is my choice to make. And I don't want your opinion to interfere with that.´ With that last sentence, I ran into my room.

Lucky me, I can hear thoughts. Lucky me, I can hear disapproving thoughts. Lucky me, I can hear disapproving thoughts about the consequences of my own action. Just great!

´If only I had controlled my thirst,´ Jasper thought. ´None of this would have happened.´
´This can't be happening. He looked so upset. I wonder how I can ease his pain,´ Esme thought.
´I will talk some sense into that boy,´ Carlisle thought.
´What a drama queen,´ Rosalie thought.
´Rose, please don't say anything negative out loud. He can't handle it right now. Please, I´m begging you,´ Emmett thought.

But the worst thoughts were Alice´s.

´This will crush Bella. This will crush Edward. I can´t stop it, oh no. Why did he have to be so stubborn, why? This is not good. How can I prevent this? How can I say my goodbyes to Bella?´

Eventually, they all began to speak.

´So, is it true? Do you see Edward leaving Bella in the future?´ Carlisle asked Alice.

´I wish it weren't true,´ she said sadly. ´And we can't do anything about it. I´m devastated, I can't see them returning to each other either.´

I wish I hadn't heard that last part. A very small part of me wished Alice could not see me leave Bella. That I could still stay. That we could still make it work. I would have to be a little bit more careful, though. But now I knew; I really wasn't coming back to her. I could not feel pain, but this was easily the hardest, most devastating feeling I had ever felt in my entire 120-year-old life.

Now the only thing that was left on my mind was; how? How could I do it? I needed it to be as convincing as possible. A clean break. A fresh start. That would be the easiest. But how could I convince her? How could I convince her that she -the very centre of my world- would be better off without me?

I had to dump her. For no reason. Even the words alone hurt me, and I hadn't even done the dumping. For the first time in my life, I was happy I would not have to hear Bella's thoughts. I could not hear what she was thinking, and still, go through with it. I would cup her face in both my hands and mumble all excuses I knew. I was weak.

So for the next few days, I would go to school, while Carlisle would finish up his hospital work. We all had to leave. We all had to leave Forks. We all had to leave her. It was for the best. It was for the best. It was for the best. I thought as if I had to convince myself.

I changed clothes, got into my car and drove to Forks highschool. The beginning of the end of our relationship had begun. I waited for a few minutes before I saw her car arrive.

Showtime.

I opened her door for her and asked her how she felt. She gave a one-worded answer; ´fine,´ before heading towards the school entrance. I knew she wanted to talk about last night. I wouldn't let her, as it was hard enough to leave her as it is. I could feel her anxiety, I heard her irregular heartbeat, but I could not ease away her pain.

I´ve decided that the best way to leave her, would be to act as unapproachable as possible. That way, it would not have to come as shockingly as if I were happy these last few days. Bella didn't ask any questions, as if she could sense I needed space. She probably thought I needed some space to clear my head. Little did she know, I never needed space from her. She needed space from me.

During lunchtime, Bella noted that the rest of my family would not be joining us. I couldn´t be bothered listening to their thoughts about my upcoming break-up, and I didn't want to change my mind. Bella asked where Alice was.

´She´s with Jasper,´ I eventually answered, avoiding eye contact. Not a lie, I was doing great thus far.

That seemed to caught her off guard. ´Oh no, and Jasper had to leave, right?´ She looked at me and placed her warm hand on my forearm. ´I sure hope he will get back soon, I hate to be a burden.´

I couldn't tell her; ´don't be ridiculous, you´re not a burden´ so instead I looked away from her. That seemed to upset her, but she let it slide. We didn't talk at all during that day and I knew it was only the beginning.

Once school was over, we walked over to her car. She turned around and gave me a fierce look, one I could not quite understand.

´So Edward, I´ll see you tonight,´ she said. I saw I was not allowed to discuss this or talk back to her. I was only allowed to come, no further questions asked. I had to keep myself from smiling and tried to give her an uninterested look.

´Fine,´ I said, as I turned around and walked over to my own car. I had to keep up this facade of me being unbothered, but oh… This day bothered me greatly.

Bella POV:

This was ridiculous. It was absurd. I didn't know what came over me, but after almost a full day of being ignored, I couldn't take it anymore. I demanded him to see me. He could not just ignore me like that, that was just cruel.

He was clearly shutting me out. Perhaps he felt sad? Perhaps he felt responsible? Perhaps he was just having an off day? I didn't know what it was, but it pissed me off. I drove to my house, did all my homework, cooked a simple meal for Charlie and me and once I heard Charlie putting on the television, I went to my room. I knew Edward was already there, his hearing was outstanding and he must have heard me coming upstairs.

´I'll skip over all formalities,´ I said. ´What's up with you today?´

He was clearly taken aback by my attack. Served him right, I thought.

´Bella, I don´t know what you´re talking about.´

´Oh no, Edward. You do not get to act all innocent,´ I said. ´You have ignored me all day. Tell me what's bothering you, please.´

He looked up and I saw Edward again. I saw the person he was before all the drama happened at my party. He had beautiful golden brown coloured eyes who looked at mine sincerely, and I knew I had him back. I knew he was giving me the answers I needed. I've felt it. I was feeling secure, instantly. It took only one look from him to calm me again.

´Bella, I promise you….´

´Go on.´

´I promise you it will all make sense. Not right now, but it will. Believe me.´

I would not be brushed off with that answer.
´You're being very cryptic, Edward. I can't help but feel that there is something off right now.´

He gave me a crooked smile before he said; ´Just please, I need to figure some things out. Please give it time.´

He walked over until he stood in front of me. He gave my forehead a kiss, said ´please´ one more time and ran out of my window. Something was off, I could not name what it was, but something was off.

The next day, nothing really had changed since our last encounter. He didn't say anything to me and he was lost in his thoughts and I gave him a little bit more space. He would come back to me eventually. He would tell me what bothered him eventually, I was sure of that.

At the end of the day, I´ve decided to drive to the Cullen´s estate. If Alice was still in Forks, she would have seen me coming. I needed to hear her opinion. We were friends through and through, but she knew her brother longer than I did, so she could perhaps give me some advice on how to approach him in his state right now. I didn't know what to make of his behaviour, if I should give him some more space or if I should demand more open communication between us, but she could for sure tell me what was best. I almost arrived at their house, but what I saw left me in shock.

Their house was empty! Completely empty. There was no furniture left. Nothing? How? Why? What did this mean? Were they leaving? No, they can't leave! Edward would have told me! He would have. This made no sense. Absolutely none. He couldn´t be this mad at me, could he? No, that can't be right. Edward wasn't mad at me, he told me that. But what was the meaning of all of this?

Walking around the house, I tried to find a Cullen to talk to. It didn't even matter which one. I needed answers. I would even gladly talk to Rosalie, and I meant that. Seriously. I´ve never liked her and she made no secret about the fact she could not stand me, but I would love to talk about her right now. Even her. So that said something. I really needed answers. Just my luck, since I couldn't find a single one.

Maybe they all went hunting, I thought to myself. They could do that. They would come back immediately. I just had to wait.
You stupid cow, you don´t need furniture to hunt. What are you thinking? They are gone. They have left.
But why? Why would they leave?

Eventually, I just gave up. I was standing in front of a vampire house, what did I expect? Even if all Cullens were there, they could be running around me and I couldn't see them with those stupid human eyes of mine. I got in my car and left.

What do I need to do now? The following day at school was practically the same, only Edward wasn't there. At all. Now I was really worried. What had happened?
Once school was over, I rushed towards my car. I wanted to drive to his house again, to give him a piece of my mind. But much to my surprise, Edward was standing right next to it.

´Get in the car, we need to talk,´ I told him. Who did he think he was, showing up at my car after barely speaking with me for days? After I´ve seen their house, as empty as they get. I needed to put him in his place but I didn't want to cause a public scene.

Edward POV:

I had anticipated Bella being angry. She had every right to be, as I was shutting her out of my life. But she wasn´t just angry with me; she was furious. Truth to be told, I was a little taken aback by it. Just as she said, I sat in the car right next to her. She drove away from school, and into the highway.

´Start talking, Edward,´ she spilled.

´I don't know where to start…,´ I tried.

She gave me a sarcastic smile; ´You better start by explaining to me why the hell your house is completely empty. All furniture is gone!´

I was shocked to hear that she went to my house. Damn you, Alice, I thought. I had asked her to stop seeing the future regarding me and Bella. She could have said she saw Bella at our house, then I could have prepared for it. My mind was blank.

´I´ll tell you once you stop driving, okay?´

Oh no, that only made her angrier. She was trying to control her emotions right now, but she could not control her furious heartbeat. This was going to be harder than I thought it would be. Maybe I needed to rip the band-aid off immediately. Bella, we´re leaving! No, she would think she'll leave with us. Bella, my family and I are leaving! No, she would still want to come with us. Oh no, what can I tell her? I can also use Carlisle as an excuse, since he looked younger than he should be. Yes, that's great. I can tell her that. Perfect. Excellent.

She pulled the car over and quickly got out.

´Alright, start talking Edward. You're gone all day and your house is empty. What's with that?´

I looked away, took a deep breath and prepared myself for the hardest conversation I ever had to have. The end goal was Bella´s safety, and I needed to think about that. Me leaving equals a safe and happy Bella. Think about that! You can do this, Edward, I told myself.

´We´re leaving,´

Short and to the point, I thought.

´What do you mean, ¨we´re leaving¨? You better explain to me why, Edward,´ she responded.

´Bella, we need to leave. Carlisle looks way younger than he is supposed to be. People are already asking questions. My family needs to leave Forks.´

´I´m not having any of this, Edward. Oh so suddenly, you need to leave. Why now? Why have I never heard of this before? When were you planning on telling me? Did you plan to tell me after all? What about me? Ever thought about that?´

I couldn't leave her, I thought. I couldn't even answer her questions. I couldn't even answer them for myself, let alone tell her lies forcing her to believe them. I needed to be harder. I needed to step up my game. You´re doing this for Bella! I shouted at myself. You´re doing this for her. For her safety. To protect her. Do it! Now!

´I´m sorry Bella, but I need to leave and I don't want you to come,´ I emphasised the words ¨I¨ and ¨you¨.

That's when I saw her change. I saw her noticeably change in front of me. She changed from an angry woman demanding answers to why her boyfriend was ignoring her, into an insecure teenage girl standing in front of her boyfriend who said something that hurt her more than if I had slapped her. I looked away, I could not handle it.

´But…. But why,´ she asked. ´What changed?´

´It was bound to happen, Bella. That story about the lion and the lamb, falling in love with each other? I don´t know… We were just a time bomb, waiting until the explosion.´

´I don't believe you. You´re just saying things. It doesn't make any sense.´ I heard the desperation in her voice. In return, I´ve avoided her eyes since it's already hard enough to leave her as it is.

Oh Bella, I tell you every day how much I love you. How do I tell you that this is only for your own good? It's the same as convincing someone the earth is no longer round. It's the same as convincing someone birds no longer fly. It's the same as convincing someone the sun no longer shines. How do I tell you that the life you´ve lived and the love you´ve felt, soon disappear?

´You´re not good for me, Bella.´ The final dagger.

´You really mean that, Edward?´ She wanted eye contact. She wanted to see my face, to see I wasn't lying to her. I tried to look as dead, as cold as possible. I could not answer her, so I nodded instead. Taking another deep breath, I turned to her and made my face unreadable.

´I mean it. We have to leave, but we won't bother you again. I promise that this will be the last time you’ll see me or my family. We won’t come back. We won’t put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from us. It will be as if we’d never existed.´

She closed her eyes. ´No,´ she whispered. ´No, I won't allow you to. You can't do that.´ She also took a deep breath before she continued. ´I don´t know what has changed these last few days, but this isn't you. Please just talk to me about it.´ She started crying. It took all of my willpower to not run to her, fall on my knees and beg her to forgive me. I'm only doing this for you, Bella. Please forgive me!

´I´ve made up my mind, Bella. I´m not human. I will never be human again. And I don't want to pretend that I am one.´

´But even if that's true, Edward… Why have you never told me that before today?´

´The incident with Jasper made me realise it, Bella. I'm not good for you. You´re not good for me. We don´t fit. We will never fit.´ Even I shocked myself by the harshness in my tone. She would have to believe this lie. I sounded so convincing.

´You don't get to decide that! What about me! What about Alice!´

´Alice already left. It's better to not say goodbye to her. And you´re just human, you'll get over it. This is just a teenage crush.´ I actually really hoped it would be for her. Please let her get over it soon. Please.

´So you just planned this whole thing? I can't see Alice anymore. You planned that. I´ll have to pretend I never knew you. You planned that. Apparently, we're done and you planned that? What's next? Do I get to decide anything? No, right? It's just you. It's always just been you! What gave you the right?! You aren´t the leader and I´m your follower. No!´ Anger had replaced her sadness.

´You know what? Fine! The almighty had spoken. Do you want to leave? Fine by me! Goodbye Edward!´ Bella said as she turned around and left.

I was shocked. She believed my lies, how could she believe my lies? But I was more shocked by the fact that she walked away. She literally walked away. She got angry with me and left. I did not see that one coming. That woman amazed me every day, I thought with a smile. Then it hit me. This was the last time I ever saw her. She left. The centre of my universe had just left, and all I felt was sorrow. What had I done? Oh no, what had I done?

Chapter Text

Chapter 6: The Break-Up

Bella POV:

I turned around, got into my car and drove away. Stupid Edward. What kind of talk was that? So apparently he needed to leave. Since when? Couldn´t he have told me that sooner? Something was off about it, I simply couldn't believe it. Or I didn't want to believe it, a nagging voice at the back of my head whispered. Maybe it was all too good to be true. To think that such an interesting and special person could ever love someone bland and ordinary like you? Foolish girl you are!

I shook my head to block out the nagging thoughts that kept coming. I needed to stay calm. For my own sake. There was always an explanation for everything. No need to rush into stressful thoughts. Everything will be alright again. Maybe this whole conversation was the result of some kind of stupid vampire hormones. Something like that. You´ll never know. It wouldn't be the weirdest thing that had happened to me. I actually had to laugh at that. Everything would be alright again, I knew for sure.

I drove to my house and opened the door.

´Dad?´ I yelled. No one answered. Maybe he had to work a bit later than usual.

I went inside my room and I thought I went mad. I knew for sure I left the CD that Edward had given me for my birthday, right next to my bed. It wasn't there anymore. But I knew I left it there, I knew it. I also knew Charlie would never enter my room, not even to quickly pick something up.

It will be as if we’d never existed.

That son of a… He wouldn't really go inside my room to remove something like that, would he? Something so dear to me. My most precious gift. He wouldn't really take that from me? How could he? How could he take something so important to me? What gives him the right? I knew he hadn't had a beating heart since the 1900s, but this was just plain cruel. Who would do such a thing?

Someone who clearly only thinks about himself, my inner saboteur said. However, she was right. He couldn't just do that. I really mustn't have meant much to him, if he could be so cruel. And that last thought hurt, more than I let Edward see. More than I wished it hurt. More than it should hurt. Maybe I loved him more than he loved me. I could look past him being a vampire meanwhile he couldn't look past me being human. I am human. We don´t fit. That's what he said.

Suddenly, I felt the hard wooden floor under my kneecaps. Did I fall? I couldn't hold my weight anymore. I heard Charlie coming home. I heard him running up the stairs. I heard him entering my room. He never does. He must have seen me on the floor. I felt his arms around me, soothing me.

´It's alright, Bells. It might not feel alright right now, and it will not feel alright for a long time. But it will feel alright again.´ He comforted me. Oh, just my luck. Of course, he already heard the Cullens left Folks. The perks of a small town! But I couldn't really be bothered. I heard some sobs, before I realised they were my own. I cried in Charlie's arms for the first time since I was a baby. I cried until my eyes hurt. I cried until I could not cry anymore. I cried until I was tired. It was exhausting.

´Thank you, Dad,´ I spoke softly. ´He left. He really left. It´s over.´ I was devastated.

´That moron,´ he murmured. Despite everything, I had to smile a little bit at that statement. He was right though, that moron. Suddenly leaving, who does he think he is? Instead of the overtaking sadness, I also felt a little bit angry. Yeah, that moron!

´I want the cheesiest and greasiest pizza you can find. And I want to watch a comedy on TV tonight,´ I ordered my dad. Post break-up comfort food is exactly the kind of thing I need right now.

´Ay ay, captain,´ he said as he got up and went downstairs to order a pizza.

I felt strange. I literally just got my ass dumped. I was angry. At Edward. I was sad. For myself. I felt empty. And I strangely felt comforted by my dad, which was new. We ate the pizza in silence and I went to bed early. Edward haunted my dreams as expected and I woke up tired.

School was horrible. People were watching me and I didn't like it at all. I avoided eye contact most of the time. During lunchtime, I tried to sit alone and let myself wallow in self-pity. I mean, I was allowed to do that, right? But Jessica and Angela were having none of that as they sat right next to me.

´Hey,´ Angela started.

I looked up and returned their greetings.

´Hey.´

´So…,´ Jessica took over. ´How are you?´

I´ve decided that it was best to be honest, as they could probably see the dark circles under my eyes and the sadness that lay in them.

´I feel horrible.´

Jessica took my hand in hers. I didn't know how to react, since she had never done that before. She gave me a warm smile.

´Listen Bella. I know we haven't really bonded over the last couple of months and that's okay,´ she quickly added. I immediately felt guilty since she was right; we haven't really bonded since I spend most of my time at the Cullen´s. Oh, how fun that had turned out. ´But that doesn't mean we will let you wallow in pity. Girl, we will help you!´ She and Angela both looked at me expectantly. I simply nodded my head.

´Cancel your plans for after school. We will have a little girls night,´ Angela added. It could not be worse than what I was feeling right now, so I might as well give it a try. Maybe, just maybe, it will help me heal. I would take anything that would give me even the slightest feeling of calm again.

Funny how people react differently than how you expect them to react. I thought Edward loves me. Well… I thought Charlie didn't hug. Well… And I thought Jessica wasn't quite fond of me. Well…

…

Later that night, I arrived at Jessica´s. Angela was already there. That night, they had planned a simple movie marathon. But what I didn't know is that they had planned a whole ´to get Bella back to her feet´ arsenal. Over the course of the next few weeks, they had planned movie nights, face mask Saturdays and little post-break-up cupcake baking contests. I was a downer and I didn't want to participate in all their activities, but they basically forced me to. I even had to run on some lovely rainy Sundays because that would get my endorphins running. They said, but it didn't help. But after another movie night, I felt something in me change. I was still sad. I was still angry. I was still heartbroken. And I still wished Edward was here with me. But I also felt something else. I felt… like myself again. All those meaningless silly movies didn't make me feel any better, but the fact that these two girls took so much effort into fixing my messy break-up. It felt great. No, it felt damn near awesome. I knew I had lost Edward, but I knew I had made two great friends. And for that, I felt happy.

Edward POV:

I felt horrible. No, worse than horrible. I was broken. Defeated. There was nothing left of me anymore. That might sound a little bit more too emo-like for most, but it was the truth for me.

Regret sank in, the minute I saw Bella drive away. I had to stop myself from running after her, begging her to forgive me. I would love to spend every day with her, even if it meant I had to beg her to forgive me. But I couldn´t, I told myself. I couldn´t. I needed to make this as easy as I could, for her. That's what she deserves.

I rushed to her house. Seeing her window, knowing what I was about to do and knowing it would be the last time I entered her house, hurt me more than I already was. I knew I had to take my CD with me. It was filled with love. She had to cry because it was the most perfect gift she had ever received, she said. If I left it there, she would never get over me. She would grieve. She would long for me, just as much as I longed for her. I didn't want that. She needed to be freed from me. She had to be freed from the grip I had over her, in order to become happy again. I took the CD in my hands, rushed out of the window and didn't look back.

I ran for what felt like hours. It didn't stop the nagging feeling I had inside of me. I needed to go to my family, and I didn´t feel like driving there. I needed to keep myself busy. I needed to do that, in order to not turn around and start begging her to forgive me. To take me back. No, I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. That was not fair to her. So instead I tried everything I could to avoid thinking about Bella and what I had done to her. Avoid thinking about the looks she gave during our last days together. Avoid thinking about the last passionate kiss we shared, when I had planned to leave her. Avoid thinking about her scent, her hair, her face, her humour, her intelligence, her beauty, her love for me. Avoid thinking about the fact she made me feel whole. Avoid thinking about the fact that she was a part of me, she had me. Avoid thinking about the fact that I love my family so very much, but she gave my life… A meaning. She brought happiness into my life. I needed her just as I needed blood to survive. I couldn't live without her. I need to turn around. Turn around! No, you can´t!

Damn it! I hoped with everything I had in me that she was coping with our departure better than I was. I really hoped she was.

I ran to New York, where my family will stay for the next few years. Unfortunately, I wasn´t exhausted. I hoped I would be, but I wasn´t. As expected, Alice met me and I felt a strong deja-vu crashing over me. Didn´t we do the same thing just a few days ago, when I had made up my mind about leaving Bella? Wasn´t she also angry at me at that time? Didn´t I also not want to talk about it then? Well, I sure as hell didn't want to talk about it right now. I was barely holding it together right now, I could not handle other opinions.

´I´m just worried,´ Alice said. ´But I won't interfere, I promise.´

At least that was something. It was probably the best I could get right now.

´I know you´ve wanted to say your goodbyes to her, I know. But I really think this is the best option,´ I said. I couldn't even say her name out loud. Pathetic. And I'm only myself to blame for that.

´I'll try Edward. For you. But please know that it´s not easy for me. I can see how you both will react and cope with this in the future. And besides, your problems are all in your head. Please just talk to Bella about them, she will understand,´ she begged.

´I CAN'T, Alice!´ I shouted. ´I NEED to try this. She DESERVES to be happy. I WANT her to be happy. I WANT her to live a long and happy life.´ I was furious. ´So please, don´t tell me how we will cope with this. It's so hard for me to restrain myself from going back to Forks. I want to go back to Forks. I want to beg her for the lies I've fed her. But I can´t and I won´t, because more than anything; I want her to live a normal, happy and long life. So I need to try this, Alice. For Bella. For her sake.´

Alice slowly walked over to me. I didn't know how she would react to that, but she simply hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her in response. I hadn't realised I was shaking. I was leaning onto her, my knees almost gave up. She had to support me. I cried tearless sobs onto her shoulder. She whispered; ´I´m sorry Edward. I´ll let you deal with this and I won't interfere. If you need any help, I´ll always be there.´ We stood there for hours.

Eventually, we went inside the house. Carlile and Esme immediately pulled me into a tight embrace. Jasper was nowhere to be soon, and I could only imagine the immense amount of pain he must have felt radiating off of me.

Rosalie and Emmett went to Vancouver for a couple of months. I was happy with that since I didn't want to hear Rose´s disapproving thoughts. She never liked Bella, she always thought she would be a threat to our lifestyle. On top of that, she couldn't understand why I was so intrigued with Bella and why I was distressed right now since she was only human. I wouldn't miss her thoughts that much right now.

Carlisle pulled away first; ´we won´t tell you what to do Edward. Just know that we will be there for you.´

I nodded. Esme added; ´we love you.´

For some reason, I couldn't bear to be near any of my family members anymore, so I excused myself and went into my room. In my head, I already felt like a burden to them. The room was dark, as a perfect metaphor for my overall mood right now. I sat down and let the darkness consume me.

Bella POV:

It had been three months since Edward left. Three long months. Three stupid months. Three painful months but also three cheerful months. Three months with ups and downs. I still longed for Edward, that hadn't changed. And I still miss him terribly, that unfortunately has not changed as well. I still feel that a part of me is missing.

On the other hand, if Edward had never left, my friendship with Jessica and Angela has not blossomed into what it is right now. I actually had to thank Edward for that. They both saw that I was miserable, and made sure to help me ´get over him.´ As if I ever could, but anyways... After the first successful night, we made sure that we would have a weekly girls night, where we would watch silly movies and bake break-up cakes. I lived for those nights.

I had told them everything about Edward that I could tell. Not that he is a vampire, of course. But I told them Edward was my first love. I told them I loved him very deeply. I told them it broke me to see him leave. But I haven't told them that on the night of my birthday, an accident nearly happened. You can never be too sure in a small town like this. Maybe my dad could hear it someday and I didn't want that to happen.

Speaking of my dad, since I didn't spend a majority of my time in the Cullens estate anymore, we bonded. We weren't really talkative before, so it was a nice change. We didn't talk a lot, though. However, it was still comfortable to just tell him a little bit about my day and him doing the same. It wasn´t as quiet as it was before. We had each other. It was good, I thought to myself as I quickly jumped out of the shower and put a towel on.

I moisturized my legs and blow-dried my hair. I´ve put on a half long buttoned-down skirt, a hoodie and my sturdy boots. I put a hairband in my hair and I was ready to go because I had a date tonight and I was looking forward to it!

I greeted my dad, told him I went home early and got into my car. I started driving to the movie theatre. I didn't have a date with a boy or a man, but with myself! It was an idea Jessica proposed and I liked it very much. I wasn't ready to date anyone at this moment since I was still heartbroken about Edward. It would not have been fair to anyone at this point. But that didn´t mean I could not have a great date. With myself. It might be a little weird, but hey. As Ru Paul once said; if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else? And at this point, I needed this. I needed these fun little trips. They helped me heal. So once a month I dressed up and went to the movies alone. I bought myself the largest bucket of popcorn and just simply treated myself to a great night.

I arrived at the theatre and bought some snacks. I didn't want to watch a romantic movie for obvious reasons. I also didn't want to watch a horror movie since they might contain vampires and I didn't want to see them for obvious reasons. So instead I settled for a light-hearted comedy. This was a luxury I needed to indulge in. It felt amazing. I let the movie consume me. I laughed at the silly jokes. I rolled my eyes at the way too obvious conversations and I simply engaged in the storyline.

Once the movie ended, I gathered my things and walked over towards my car. I saw something dark standing right next to it. Could it be? My eyes might be deceiving me, I thought. Coming closer I simply gasped. I really saw someone standing right next to it. Could it really be? Was I imagining things? Thank goodness I dressed semi-nicely, I thought.

I ran towards that person whom I had correctly recognised from the distance and timidly said; ´hey.´

He looked at me and said; ´hello Bella.´

Chapter Text

Chapter 7: Jacob Black

Bella POV:

Well, well, well. Look at that! The one and only Jacob Black stood before me. I didn't expect to see him here. But then it hit me; of course, he recognised the car. When I came to Forks, my dad wanted me to have a car to ride to school. He could buy a very old car relatively cheap from his best friend Billy. And since Billy was Jacob's father… He recognised the car immediately.

´You´ve changed a lot, Jake,´ I told him. I haven't seen him in a long time and he has matured a lot. He didn't look childish anymore. Instead, his strong masculine jaw made him look a bit older than his age. He had really grown in just a couple of months, amazing. His long black hair was pulled up in a bun and he was wearing a t-shirt even though it was quite cold right now. He must have seen me checking him out.

´Like what you see, ey?´ He said jokingly. I rolled my eyes at him.

´I mean, for a toddler, you clean up nice.´

´Ha-ha, I'm surprised the elderly of our little town are even outside at this ungodly hour. It's already 9 o´clock, so shouldn´t you knit a sweater right now, grandma?´
Alright, I´ll admit it, I had to laugh. I liked this little banter. I was happy he returned my humour.

´I went to the movies, what are you doing here?´ I explained.

´I took a walk and then I saw this little beauty here,´ he pointed at the car. ´So I thought, might as well wait a bit and see what you´re up to. I haven't seen you in so long.´

´Well, now you know.´ I had always liked his company. We were always friendly with each other and our dads were very fond of that. Suddenly, I realised I didn't want the night to end just yet. If you indulge in something, you might as well do it well, right? ´Care to join me for milkshakes?´ I asked him.

He was a little bit taken aback by my question. He clearly did not see that one coming. I was also a little bit shocked by my request, but there was nothing wrong with old friends catching up over milkshakes, now was it?

´Sure Bella. There is a nice little restaurant just down the street. Let´s go there.´

´Lead the way.´
We walked next to each other and talked. We interrupted our talk for a second to order our milkshakes. That weird boy wanted a pistachio milkshake, can you imagine? Anyways, we talked about everything that night. He told me his passion for cars and motorcycles had grown even more over the last couple of months. I in turn told him I was going through a rough break-up and was therefore going to the movies alone, to give myself a fun evening every now and then. He didn't even pity me for that and told me he thought it was a bold move. He told me we needed to do this more often and I wholeheartedly agreed. After an hour of catching up, we realised I needed to go home, since Charlie might be displeased with me being away all evening.

´Come on Jake, I´ll give you a ride home,´ I offered him.

´Great, I would love to see that one thing in action.´

´Gee thanks,´ I said, sticking my tongue out to him.

He laughed with me and we both hopped into my car. After he had given me directions and I had followed them, we eventually stood still in front of his house.

´It was nice seeing you again, Bella. Don´t be a stranger.´ He said with a bright smile on his face.

´I also had a lot of fun tonight, we should definitely do this again,´ I told him in return.

´How about this; when Billy and Charlie go fishing again, we also meet up and do something fun. Alright?´ He asked.

´Absolutely!´ It really was a great idea. I enjoyed his company a lot and the night was a lot of fun. Jacob got out of the car, waved goodbye to me and went inside his house.

I drove back to my house and thought about the night. I realised I was very pleased with this turn of events. I was always very fond of Jacob and we connected. I didn't see him much when I was still in a relationship with… him. A quick and very familiar twinge of pain shot through me when I thought of him and I quickly tried to swallow it away. Anyways, I was always very fond of Jacob and I was looking forward to seeing him again.

Once I got home, I told my dad about Jacob. He was very pleased with our little encounter and encouraged me to keep in touch with him. Not that I needed his encouragement, but it was nice to be on the same page with him about it.

The next day at school, Jessica came to me and greeted me.

´Hey girl, how was your date night?´ she asked with a wink.

´It certainly was interesting. I ran into Jacob Black,´ I told her.

She looked at me quizzically.

´You mean that hot friend of yours?! Are you telling me you went on a real date? Shut up!´ she exclaimed.

´Keep your voice down, it wasn't like that,´ I tried to sush her. ´We just ran into each other. It was nice,´ I ended with a smile. Hopefully, that kept her quiet.

´Omg, you´re totally into him!´

I started to get annoyed. It wasn't like that, I wasn't ready to date anyone just yet. My heart still aches for him. I still miss him. It would not be fair to anyone if I start dating at this point. My heart wasn´t ready for that. Jessica was more boy-crazy than I ever could be, so of course, she jumped at the opportunity to discuss boys. It was a great topic for her. It wasn't for me.

´Jess, stop. It isn't like that. I´m not ready to date just yet. And Jake is aware of it. We just like each other's company, nothing more.´

She looked a little bit disappointed with that.

´Can´t you at least give me some details?´ she sulked.

I smiled at her. ´Of course. So, we went to drink some milkshakes and we just started talking. Next time our dads go fishing, we'll do it again.´

Jessica´s eyes lit up. ´So, there will be a next time?´

´Yes, there will be a next time.´ And I was looking forward to it.

Edward POV:

I wasn't looking forward to anything. Once I let the darkness consume me, I was gone. I had more self-control than I ever imagined., I suppose. Since it took every bit of me to prevent myself from returning to Forks. To enter her window, my only sanctuary. And to beg her for forgiveness. I didn't know how much longer I could take this. It had been three months since I left Bella, and I was dying. I couldn´t die any further than the life I'm living right now, but I was. I was dying. I spent all of my time in my room, only coming out to hunt. It drove my family members crazy, but I didn't care. Every second was a battle. A battle with myself. A battle between my selfish desires to return to her and my fear of hurting her more than she already has. Alice had said that we both had trouble coping. She said nothing good came out of this. She might have been right. If Alice was right anyway, what difference did it make if I stayed here and tortured both myself and Bella any longer? I might as well just return to her. But I wouldn´t. She deserves better. She. Deserves. Better.

Bella POV:

I grabbed my hairbrush, faked it was a microphone and started singing at the top of my lungs. I was listening to a CD full of music from my childhood, and it brought back happy memories. I whipped my hair back and forth and swayed my hips to the rhythm of the music. I violently waved my arms around me and even did an air-kick once. Funny how way too loud music can block certain memories out of your system. One of those memories was the fact that today officially marked the six month anniversary that Edward had left me. Has it really been six months already? Time passed by. Even if I didn't notice it. Even if I didn't want it to. Time continued to pass by. The heartache is still there, unfortunately. I didn't want to think about that, so instead I indulged in my music. Today will be a perfectly good day, so I tucked every thought about Edward away at the back of my mind. I was starting to master that little act.

Today will be a good day because Jacob will teach me how to ride a motorcycle. I was so excited about that! Over the last couple of months, we´ve really bonded. We held into our promise to do something fun each time Billy and Charlie went fishing. So far, he has shown me all the motorcycles he is currently renovating, we´ve taken walks and we went to the movies. But mainly, we've chatted a lot. We made fun of each other and we simply can joke a lot with each other. After I told him I was still heartbroken, he hasn't brought up the subject again and I was very thankful for that. And it felt good to also have a male friend. As much as I love the little girls nights Jessica, Angela and I had each week, it also felt great to just bluntly chat with Jake. I felt that both my friend groups complemented each other greatly. On one hand, I could engage in some cheeky girl activities like painting our nails while talking about boys. And on the other hand, I bitched a little bit with Jake while renovating motorcycles. Best of both worlds actually. Couldn´t be better.

A car outside my house honked. I looked at the time. Oh no, I will be late! I rushed downstairs, opened the door and there he was; Jacob Black. He smiled at me; ´took you long enough.´

´Beauty takes time,´ I responded.

He studied my face.

´Hmm, can´t see it though.´

´Thank you,´ I said as sweetly as possible.

´You better quickly move your ass, we don't have all day,´ he said as he turned around to walk towards his car. Such a bossy little shit. I followed him and once I sat next to him, he started driving. I had already seen the two motorcycles in the back of his truck. Both our dads knew nothing of our plans, so we both felt a little sneaky to spend our Saturday morning running off to an abandoned road to learn how to ride a motorcycle. But nonetheless, it felt good.

´So, are you excited?´ I asked him.

´I actually am, yes. I love riding and I can't wait for you to fall in love with it too.´ I could see the enthusiasm on his face. I couldn't wait for it either. I felt so badass!

´I'm a little bit nervous, I can´t lie. But you know me Jake, I´m a clumsy mess,´ I laughed.

He laughed with me. ´Don´t say that Bells, now you make me nervous too.´

Bells. Just as my father names me. And I was sure; just as his father names me. But I did the same with Jake. They were nice pet names.

We chatted some back and forth about all the times I was clumsy in his presence. Which unfortunately for me were a lot of times. It's weird how one moment you're chatting with one of your best friends and the next moment, everything changes. Suddenly, it felt like time stood still and all my senses were working at full speed. I first saw it. I saw us. I saw our car, driving up to an intersection. I saw another car. One that was supposed to give us the right of way. I saw the car didn't stop. I saw Jacob didn't notice it. He was busy talking to me. Once he saw it, it was already too late. He couldn't stop his car anymore. We were going to crash. He knew it. I knew it. I saw he was scared. For some reason, I wasn´t. I almost wanted to comfort him. Then, I heard it. I heard the sound of the brakes. I heard the sound of tires. I heard the sound of screaming. Who was screaming? Was it me? Was it Jake? I heard the sound of metal, crashing to metal. The sound was overpowering. After I´ve seen and heard it, I smelled it. I smelled something was burning. What was burning? Did burned rubber smell like this? What was that smell? Then, I tasted it. I tasted blood. I hated blood. I hated everything about blood since it made me extremely nauseous. And after every sense, I finally came to the last sense. After everything, I´ve felt it. Hurt. It hurts. Where did it hurt, I didn't know but it did. Was Jake hurt as well? And I gave in to the pain and slowly drifted away into the darkness.

Edward POV:

It had been six months and I was done. Done. Completely done. I couldn't stay away from Bella anymore. I couldn´t. I would do anything to hold her again. No, I would do anything to even see her again. I needed to see her. I longed for her. Six months without her. Six whole months. It had to end. My whole life became meaningless after I had left her. I needed my meaning again. I needed her. This attempt to stay away from her was pointless. It was hopeless. It was doomed to fail anyway. It might as well just fail right now.
If I tell my family my plan to return to Forks, everyone will be relieved. And if we move straight away, we would arrive there shortly. Carlisle could easily return to the hospital, they needed him. Esme would be happy to see me coming out of my misery, she hated to see me like this. Alice would be thrilled to see her friend again, she missed her greatly. Jasper wouldn't have to be so down all the time, he always felt guilty for what happened. Rosalie would be happy if I was happy, even if we didn't always see eye to eye, she wanted to see me happy and Emmett adored Bella, she was basically his little sister. It really was the best option. I could see that now. We needed to move. Now.

I felt relieved. For the first time in six months, I had to smile. I smiled again! And I saw her. I always saw her, everywhere. But now I could almost touch her, she was so close to me. So within reach. I´m coming, Bella. I will. She smiled at me. I smiled back. I must be going mad. But if this is madness, I would never want to go back to normal.
Suddenly, I heard a loud scream. Within a second, Alice stood in front of me. She must have had a vision of me returning to Bella. She must be so excited. We´re going back. It´s over. We´re finally coming back. Wait for me, Bella.
I looked at her. She didn't look excited. She wasn't happy. I didn't know why. Wasn't this the best news ever? I frowned. What was wrong?

´I know I´m not allowed to tell you about Bella's future, but you need to know that she was in a car accident, Edward. And it´s bad. It´s really bad. I´m scared she won´t make it.´

The mental image of Bella, smiling at me, disappeared.
Alice started crying tearless sobs and I automatically wrapped my arms around her. Meanwhile, I was trying to understand her words. What happened? Bella was in a car accident?
That couldn´t be, her car was indestructible. I couldn´t believe it. It was like time had ended. I couldn´t understand anything anymore. Car crash. It was bad. Maybe she wouldn't make it. What? How?

Bella. My Bella. My precious Bella. In a car crash. I couldn´t believe it. Right there, I had made a decision. I needed to go to Forks. I needed to see her, even if it were for the last time. The last time….

The pain I had felt in the last six months was nothing compared to the suffering I endured right now. This was a new level of torture. How could I feel this amount of pain and still not die from it? Bella. Car crash. It was bad.

´We´re going to Forks. Now!´ I commanded Alice.

Chapter Text

Chapter 8: Hospital

Bella POV:

Everything hurt. My head hurt. My arm hurt. Everything. Hurt. I heard someone whispering. Hello? What were they saying? I couldn't comprehend anything. Wait, where am I? I tried to open my eyes. It didn't work. Please, talk to me. Where am I? I tried to listen to the voices around me.

´Four of her ribs are fractured, Mr Swan, and she has a skull fracture.´

´Then why isn't she waking up?´

I know that voice. It felt familiar. I immediately felt safe. Please continue talking! Please.

´She hit her head pretty badly. But the CT scan is showing us her brain activity works as it should. So she should wake up any time now.´

´Oh, thank god.´
Were they talking about me? I´m fine, I wanted to say. Don´t worry about me. I tried to open my mouth but instead, I drifted away in my unconsciousness.

I couldn't move anything. I couldn't move my head. I couldn't move my eyelids. I couldn't speak. I couldn't see. Everything was black. And everything hurts. I heard something. I couldn't hear it through the mist in my head. I tried to reach consciousness. It worked. Suddenly, I heard voices. Familiar voices.

´I won´t leave her alone.´
I know that voice! It's the same voice! The voice that soothed me. I tried to wake up. I wanted to comfort that voice. Please don´t be sad. I´m fine.

´Charlie, you need to sleep.´
Charlie? Why did that name sound so familiar? Did I know someone named Charlie? I couldn´t remember. Charlie… The name did sound so appealing. I knew I knew someone named Charlie, but whom?

´I don't want to leave her alone, Billy.´
Billy? Who was that?

´Don't beat yourself up. I can stay here for a few hours. You take a shower and put on some clean clothes. I´ll call you if anything changes.´
I didn't hear a response. Everything went dark again.

I could see a little bit of light. Finally! I didn't know how long I was out for, but I could see a little bit. Someone was standing next to me. I didn't know who it was.
´Bella, I´m so sorry my son put you into this mess.´
Son? What was he talking about?

´He should have never promised you to ride a motorcycle. What was he thinking? Jacob can be so reckless!´
Motorcycle? Jacob? What happened?
I drifted away again.

I felt… wetness? Wetness on my hand. What was that? I heard sobs. Who was crying?
´Bella, I'm so sorry. Please wake up, I´m begging you.´ I knew that voice. It was Jacob. I knew it for sure. Jacob was sitting next to me, crying. Why was he crying? What happened?
Don't be sad, Jacob. I will be fine. I've wanted to say that but I couldn´t.
I heard a door opening. Someone was coming in.

´What are you doing here?´ It was that voice again! That familiar voice. It belonged to… Charlie? Oh, Charlie! That's my father! My father Carlie. I remembered! I tried to smile. I couldn´t.

´Sir, I´m so sorry. I needed to see how she is doing,´ I heard Jacob say.

´Look, son, the accident wasn't your fault so don't blame yourself for it. But I'm still pissed at you for trying to teach Bella how to ride a motorcycle. What were you thinking?´ He snapped.

Trying to ride a motorcycle? Oh no, everything came back to me in a blur. We haven't even ridden the motorcycle. We were in a car crash. Jacob was sitting next to me. He was also in the crash. Is he alright?

´Charlie will return from the toilet soon. We only have two minutes.´ I heard an angelic voice. I knew that voice, even though I hadn't heard it in six months. Was that Alice? It couldn´t be? The Cullens? They weren't even in Forks. They left. They left me. I needed to wake up!
I felt something cold. Something cold was stroking my hand. Taking it. Taking it into his own cold hands. I recognised his touch. Edward was here. I was dreaming. This wasn't real. Clearly, this was the result of my head trauma.
The CT scan is showing us her brain activity works as it should.
Clearly not.

´Please come back to me, Bella. I´m sorry. I regret everything. Please wake up. I'm begging you. I love you...´
I´m trying to wake up! Can't you see I'm trying my best? My body didn't help me and I fell asleep again.

Female voices. Loud female voices. Way too loud female voices.

´O my God, Bella. Please wake up!´ I heard someone shouting.

´Calm down, Jessica. You heard the doctor, she is going to wake up anytime soon.´

´Then why isn't she already?´

Crying. Please stop crying. I am fine.

I woke up. I was thirsty and I needed to use the toilet. I tried to open my eyes. Look at that, it worked! I looked around and saw I was laying in a hospital bed. Charlie was sitting in a chair next to my bed. He was sleeping. He looked exhausted. I wanted to reach him. His hand lay on my bed, so I lightly touched it. He immediately woke up.

´Hey,´ I said quietly.

´Oh, Bella. Thank god.´ I saw the relief in his eyes.

´Don´t worry, dad. I´m fine, I promise. It´s over.´ I tried to calm him. He looked at me quizzically.

´You had me worried there.´
I tried to keep the mood light.

´I can tell, your hair is even grayer than before.´
He smiled at me and I smiled back.

´I´m so happy you´re awake.´
At that moment, the doctor came and examined me. He told me what I had already heard and asked me if I wanted to drink something. I wholeheartedly agreed to a lovely bottle of water. After he left, I asked my dad for details regarding the accident.

´It was horrible. Jacob told us another car came from out of nowhere. He hit your side of the car, so you're in a much worse condition than Jacob. He is fine by the way. Just a little shaken up, but fine. Until I heard you were going to ride on motorcycles! I was so angry at him. And at you, young lady. What were you thinking Bella? Those are the most reckless vehicles that are out there! How could you?´
I flinched at those words.

´Please don't be mad at Jake, dad. I've wanted to ride them. And he only agreed because I really wanted to. It's not his fault. Put your anger on me, please.´

´As happy as I am that you´re with me again, you´re still grounded.´ He said with authority.
I guess some things never change.

After I assured Charlie I was fine, he went to work. I needed to stay in the hospital one more day, but I was completely fine and he didn't have to guide me all the time. Not much after he left, Jacob came. He stood at the door, a little bit timid. I needed to soothe him, I guess.

´Hey Jake, are you coming in or what?´

´Do you want me to?´ He asked. No joke this time, but a real concerned question.

´Depends, did you bring me anything?´ I tried to lighten the mood.

´As a matter of fact, I did.´ I was a little taken aback by that answer. He eventually slowly got inside my room. He sat in the chair next to me before he gave me a little present.

´Since you´re grounded for the rest of your life and Charlie will kill me if I put you on a motorcycle… I might as well give you this.´ I looked at my present and saw it was a miniature motorcycle. I smiled at him.

´Thank you. It´s perfect.´

´Are you mad at me?´ He asked. I saw he was blaming himself.

´I have no reason to be. It was not your fault. Don't ever think that. It pains me to see you like this.´
As if he understood it, he also tried to make the conversation as light as possible. Just as we always talked with each other.

´Pains you to see me like this? You mean, as dashing as ever, right?´

´So hot, I might lose my consciousness. Again.´ I rolled my eyes at him.

´I see even a fractured skull doesn´t take away your big mouth.´

´Speaking of big mouths, who came to see me? If I remember correctly, Jessica and Angela came, right?´
I didn't ask directly about the Cullens. I was sure I was imagining their visit, but I still needed to ask. Just to be sure. And I knew I couldn't ask Charlie about it. So I jumped at this opportunity.

´Well, your dad almost never left your side, as expected. And you´re right, Jessica and Angela indeed came. Jessica was especially devastated, we tried to calm her since she was yelling a lot. And my dad and I did visit you regularly. Why?´

´I was just wondering...´

´See, you´re quite popular,´ he joked.

´And all it took was a tiny little accident. A small price to pay,´ I continued.

His big brown eyes looked at me with a troubled look on his face. ´But in all seriousness, Bells. How are you?´
I thought about it for a minute. ´Can you believe me if I tell you that I´m fine? I have some bruises and I´m obviously hurt, but it's really not that much. How are you holding up?
He took a deep breath before he started talking very quickly. I was concentrating very hard to understand everything. ´It was horrible, Bella. You weren't responding to me. At all. For a second there, I really thought you died. I thought I had killed you. It was so chaotic. I tried calling 911 and the ambulance came. But before that, before the ambulance came and I knew you were alive, I was frightened. I really thought you died. And it was all my fault. I am so sorry, you have no idea how sorry I am.´
He looked so heartbroken. For the second time that day, I reached out to grab the hand of someone to soothe them. He looked at the bed, avoided looking straight at me and I whispered.

´Jake, look at me.´ He looked up. ´This was just a stupid accident. Don't blame yourself for it. Accidents happen all the time. And you know… Some people tend to attract accidents more often than others so basically I need to apologize to you instead of the other way around.´
That seemed to calm him a bit. Just a bit.

´I´m serious. I´m sorry that you had to be in the presence of the world's greatest bad luck attracting female that walks this glorious earth. Are we even now?´

´That depends. You still up for some good old-fashioned banter every time our dads are away? We have to do it at your place, though. Your dad will not hesitate to kill me when I take you away next time.´

´Of course!´ I happily exclaimed. ´We don't want to see Charlie´s murderous side, now do we?´

´ Then yes, Bells. We´re even now.´ He smiled down at me.

Edward POV:

Upon arriving at the hospital in Forks, I quickly read the minds of every doctor and nurse, to see where my precious Bella would be. Alice and I stayed hidden on the rooftop since we didn't want to be seen by Bella´s friends or family members and no one would come up there anyways. I quickly overheard the doctor, telling Charlie about Bella's fractured ribs and a fractured skull. She was still unconscious. To my surprise, this wasn´t the extent Alice told me her injuries would be. I was tremendously happy about that, but I still didn't quite understand what Alice must have seen in New York.

I glanced over to her, standing next to me. She smirked. Wait a minute, she smirked?

´Why are you looking at me like that?´ I simply asked her.

´Please don't be mad at me, Edward. I knew she would be fine, but you needed an extra push to get to her. I´m sorry. I know I´ve said I wouldn´t interfere but I could not bear to see you like that any longer.´

So my little sister planned all of this? I should have known! But I also knew I could never be mad at her.

´Then why isn't she waking up?´ Charlie asked.

´But the CT scan is showing us her brain activity works as it should. So she should wake up any time now.´

I felt relieved. She would be fine. Everything could go back to normal. It was over. I had to resist the urge to simply run over toward her and hold her, but Charlie was still there and I didn't want to make myself known immediately.
Next to me, I could feel Alice getting tenser and tenser. I knew she also wanted to see Bella. We simply couldn't wait anymore. We were thrilled.

Charlie was still sitting next to Bella when his best friend Billy came to him. He told him he needed to take a shower, and that Billy would stay in the meanwhile. I sighted. We still couldn't go to her. After the longest six months of my life, these last couple of minutes before I could go to Bella were horrible. Then, Billy said something to alarm me.

´Bella, I´m so sorry my son put you into this mess.´
Wait a minute. What had happened? What had happened to Bella? What did Jacob, Billy´s son do? By dating Bella and getting into the minds of Charlie and Billie, I got to know his youngest son Jacob a little bit. I even had the pleasure of seeing him once or twice. He wasn't naturally fond of me but he seemed like a great kid with a good head on his sleeve. What did he do to her? Did he hurt her? Was he the reason she's in the hospital right now?
Alice put her hands on my wrists. I hadn't realised I was flexing and unflexing both of my hands. She must have seen me getting agitated. I took a deep breath and it made me as calm as I could be right now.

´He should have never promised you to ride a motorcycle. What was he thinking? Jacob can be so reckless!´
Bella wanted to ride a motorcycle? This was almost funny to me. Since when was she into these kinds of things? Sadness came over me, I hadn't been there for her for six months… Of course, she had changed. That was normal. This just seemed so out of the ordinary for her.

I heard a third voice. A younger voice this time. Would this be Jacob? So he was here with her.

´Bella, I'm so sorry. Please wake up, I´m begging you.´

I heard him crying. His thoughts were nothing but self-blame for the accident. Apparently, he was driving and they got hit by another car. I was furious. I wish I could be furious with this Jacob, but the rational part of my brain knew that it was not his fault. Still, I was furious. Bella got hit by a car! Charlie quickly joined him and his dad again.

´What were you thinking?´
I asked myself that very same question.

Jacob and his father eventually left the hospital. They were going to change clothes and freshen up. As a miracle, Charlie left for a toilet break. Meaning Bella was alone. Meaning we could quickly go to her. We rushed downstairs at our human pace, but we were impatient. If only we could run at our vampire speed, but the risks were simply too high. we arrived at her room and quickly got inside.

There she was. My world. My everything. It was as time stood still. I was mesmerized. It was heaven and hell, all at the same time.
Heaven for seeing her again. Hearing her rhythmic breathing. The soft beating of her heartbeat. I longed to touch her. I needed to feel her warmth again.
Hell for seeing how beaten up she looked. She looked so restless. So tired. If I could comfort her in any way, I would instantly do it in a heartbeat.

´Charlie will return from the toilet soon. We only have two minutes,´ Alice said as if she could see I could stand here for decades. No, centuries. But of course, she could see that. I snapped out of my mesmerized state and walked over to Bella. I put her delicate hand between my two hands. Her warmth radiated on my skin, sending shivers down my spine if it could.

´Please come back to me, Bella. I´m sorry. I regret everything. Please wake up. I'm begging you. I love you...´ I quietly said to her. At the same time I spoke my plea, I heard
Charlie´s thoughts. He was coming. Alice pushed me out of Bella´s room so we could walk back to the rooftop at human speed, without Charlie seeing us. If Alice had not pushed me, I stayed right next to Bella's side. I didn't care. I would come up with an excuse of some sort, but I would have stayed there.

The news of Bella´s accident must have reached high school. Jessica and Angela showed up, crying. I was a little bit confused when I heard their thoughts. I quickly realised Bella must have bonded with them over the last couple of months. That certainly was a change.

Alice and I tried to hear anything the doctors might discuss regarding Bella´s health. I also excessed Charlie´s thoughts, but he was sound asleep. Suddenly, he was woken up by something. In his mind, I saw Bella grabbing his hand. She was awake! Alice must have seen the change in my face. She looked at me quizzically and I simply nodded. Of course, she must have already seen it happening, but it was still amazing news.

´That's wonderful. I can´t wait to see her!´ She said very quickly, only for my ears to hear. And I couldn't agree more, this news was wonderful.
We could now both hear Bella. She tried to calm her dad. She even cracked a little joke, saying her dad´s hair had now become grayer over this stressful event. Oh Bella, always trying to cheer everyone up.
I looked over at Alice. She was obviously thinking the same thing as we smiled at each other. It was over. Bella was fine again. Thank every God that is out there for that.
But then, we heard Charlie talk about the accident. Both our faces dropped. We both heard the hurt in his voice, it was heartbreaking.
Of course, Bella tried to put all the blame on herself. She was just so absolutely and utterly… good. Oh, Bella…

Charlie left, and both Alice and I wanted to go downstairs to talk to Bella. We were discussing who could go in first since we didn't want to scare her off. And, to see if she even wanted to talk to us. Chances were very high she wanted absolutely nothing to do with us anymore, and we would respect her decision either way. One could only hope at this point.

But before we could walk downstairs towards Bella, I heard the young man's thoughts again whom I assumed was Jacob´s. He was hesitant to enter her room.
Bella immediately welcomed him. That stung a bit. What was her relationship with this boy? He was obviously distressed about her injuries, but I assumed that was because he felt guilty. No, that´s not what I assumed, that's what I hoped. Both these thoughts were unfair to either Jacob and Bella. Who was I to judge their relationship?
I saw he gave her a little motorcycle, as comedic relief to the whole situation. Bella gave him a warm smile, she was obviously very pleased by it. Jealousy showed herself, again. I've wanted to make her smile. I´ve wanted to sit next to her. I've wanted to shower her with gifts. Me. Me. Me.
Stop it! Contain yourself! You have ZERO right to be thinking these things. YOU left HER, I thought to myself.
Alice placed her small hand over my shoulder; ´Everything will be alright, trust me.´

I contained myself again and listened to their conversation.
They were joking around. Both playfully complementing each other. And for the first time since I've noticed, I could read minds, I felt I was invading a private conversation. That this wasn't meant for my ears to hear.
This was my own fault. She had moved on, just as I wanted for her. A normal life. A safe life. She finally got it.

Bella POV:

That night, I dreamt of Edward. It wasn't a particularly fun dream or anything, but thinking I heard him and his sister today… It made my subconsciousness do weird things to my brain.

It started six months ago. I dreamt I had never cut myself into that stupid paper. That we drove to my house, happily discussing what had happened and how over the top Alice had planned the whole thing. That he had kissed me. That he would have stayed over, while we were happily snuggling next to each other. Maybe if he had left under different circumstances, maybe everything would have been different.
Then, I dreamt about the life I'm living right now. Without Edward. I was coping without him. I missed him, but I managed to collect some great people around me. People who I never got so close with, if it weren't for Edward. Even in his abstinence, he still managed to do good things for me. Bastard.
I entered an all too familiar state of being awake and dreaming at the same time. I hummed his name, and I wasn't even aware of it.

´Edward...´
As if I had called him out, I felt something cold against my cheek. Stupid hospital air conditioning. I didn´t wave the coldness away, for it felt strangely familiar. Just my luck, thinking about Edward and suddenly I feel something cold against my cheek. Maybe I should call the doctor again, he clearly did not see some kind of damage I must have on my brains on the CT scans. If I could just linger this feeling. Just a little bit longer.
It did not feel like a dream anymore. It felt real. It could not be real. I did not dare to open my eyes, so instead, I waved a little bit. If the coldness left my cheek, I knew it was… something. Anything at all. Just not Edward. If the coldness stayed on my cheek, I would dare to look up. Much to my surprise, the coldness stayed.

Huh?

I could have sworn I heard some kind of happy chuckle. A chuckle that I could still remember till the day I die. This was crazy. I was crazy. I was really going crazy this time. Let's end this madness once and for all. I forced myself to open my eyes, expecting to see nothing but darkness. What I did not expect to see was Edward standing right next to my bed. Edward? It couldn´t be! I was mad. I was a madwoman. This is brain damage at its finest. There was something wrong with me. What kind of brain damage leaves hallucinations of your ex-boyfriend? This was some form of accident induced schizophrenia or something like that.

´Huh?´ I said. I closed my eyes again. Stop this nonsense.
Brain, from now on, you'll be working again!
I opened my eyes again. There he was. Edward. He was still there. But how? Why? Huh?

´Hello Bella,´ he said.

Chapter Text

Chapter 9: The Talk

Edward POV:

I really meant to leave her alone. I really did. She looked happy, I sure hoped she was. But I just needed to see her, one more time. Just one last time. So I told Alice that I wouldn't leave the hospital, and that I needed a few minutes with Bella alone. She understood and went to our house in Forks.

Bella was sleeping restlessly, stirring a lot and mumbling something. I could have sworn I heard her mumbling my name, but that could also be wishful thinking.
After watching her for a few minutes, I could hear her very clearly;
´Edward...´

She was dreaming about me! She really was. I could not contain myself any longer. The woman I love, the woman I have always loved was dreaming about me. Even after all this time, I crossed her mind in her sleep. I put my fingers softly and briefly on her cheek, and let the warmth of her skin warm my own dead cold one. As if she could feel it, she tensed a little bit. I saw her brow furrowing a bit, as if trying to understand something.
Suddenly she waved around a bit. I started laughing. What did she expect would happen? Her eyelids slowly flipped open. She saw me. She was looking at me. The crease between her eyebrows furrowed. She could not understand I was here, at all.

´Huh?´ she said.
I thanked all Gods, all angels and all heavens that were out there for hearing her voice again. She closed her eyes again. I needed to make some kind of contact with her, for her to realise that I was really here and I wouldn't go anywhere ever again, unless she wanted me to. She looked at me again and I simply said;

´Hello Bella.´
Bella. Saying her name again out loud. It was the best feeling in the world.

´Edward...´ she said. Hearing her say my name was even better than me saying hers out loud. She sounded confused.

´I´m sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you,´ I said. Of course she was confused! She gasped in surprise. She was quiet for a few solid minutes, while blinking constantly. What is she thinking? Suddenly her face fell and she looked sad. Did she not want me here? I mentally prepared myself for her saying those words, which were absolutely fair considering the things I have done to her.

´My brain…,´ she quietly explained. She was deeply distressed.

´What's wrong with your brain?´

´I'm imagining things. I´m seeing Edward. The doctor made a mistake.´ She closed her eyes again. Is this what she thought? That I wasn't really here? My dead heart sank, of course she would think that.

´Bella, apart from a fracture, your brain is fine.´

´Sure, sure. I´m seeing him. I'm hearing him. I even feel him touching me. None of this is real.´ She opened her eyes again and looked at me.

´I assure you, I´m really here Bella.´ I gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

´Why?´
That was indeed a very good question. Because I could not stay away from her. I did not want that anymore. I needed her. Perhaps those reasons were a little bit too exhausting for her brain right now. I tried to give her the simplest reason.

´Alice saw you in a car crash. We were worried.´
Oh no, she wasn't having that answer. She started laughing evilly. She rolled her eyes at me, and I instinctively flinched. Bad answer, bad answer!

´So, they were worried about me…. But they weren't worried six months ago when they left me. How strange,´ she said with a fierce passion. She harshly removed her hand under mine. I missed her touch the second it happened. In my head, I made a quick overview of how I could best talk with Bella. Maybe reasoning with her, even. I didn't want to tire her any more than she probably was. But then again, the anger she had felt and still feels towards me… I wanted to make it right, even if I was too late for that. She could resent me afterwards, but I needed her to know that I have always loved her and I would love her until the end of my days.

´I´m so sorry about that,´ I said as I looked deeply into her eyes. Sorry couldn't even cut it.
She noticed that the colour of my eyes were different compared to the last time she saw me. She took a deep breath before asking me; ´Why are your eyes so black right now? I have never seen them so dark before.´
Her mind works in mysterious ways, I thought while trying to hold back a crooked grin.

´We rushed over to here, so we didn't have time to feed ourselves.´

´I see. Is being here uncomfortable for you?´
Always so concerned for other people! Even after not seeing me for half a year, she was still concerned about my well being. Or her own, maybe she thought her blood tempted me too much to stay this close to her.

´No,´ I said truthfully. After being away from her for so long, her blood did not smell more appealing to me compared to the other sensations I felt being this close to her. I forced myself to not think about those sensations, as we needed to have this conversation now.

´In all honesty, being here is the most comfortable I have been in six months.´
She opened her mouth and closed it again. I had confused her deeply. Clearly, I needed to explain myself to her.
I did not dare to grab her hand again, afraid of her rejecting it. Instead, I had decided I would be as truthful to her right now as I could.

Here goes nothing…

´I lied that day, six months ago. I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be,´ I started. She quickly opened her mouth, probably to ask me if I would be lying to her right now.

´Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly. That was… excruciating.´ That had hurt me even more than doing the deed, itself. She believed me, she really did.

´I have no reason for not believing you, Edward. Overall, when a boyfriend says something to his girlfriend, overall he wouldn't lie,´ she said, stabbing a knife through my heart with each word. She sounded irritated and had every right to be.

´You´re right, and I´m so sorry for putting you through that. I lied, because I wanted to protect you. I lied, because I wanted you to be safe,´ I pleaded. Please believe me, Bella. Please.

´Protection from what, Edward?´ She really did seem confused.

´From me, from my family. I was so afraid I would hurt you somehow and I didn't want to let that happen.´
She closed her eyes again and exhaled slowly. I had never seen her this angry before, her whole body was trembling. I prepared myself for her response.

´Then why didn't you talk to me about it? I particularly begged you to talk to me. To explain it to me. I would have understood your reasoning, Edward. But instead you´ve ignored me for days. You shut me out.´
Tears started welling up in her eyes. I put my finger on them to wipe them away, but she quickly turned her head a bit, preventing me from touching her.

´Don´t, Edward.´

´Please Bella. I know you would´ve understood it. But I… I wanted to try… Try to set you free. Try to give you a happy life, without me in it. A happy life, with a normal boyfriend who is absolutely and utterly right for you.´ As much as it would hurt me, but then she would be safe. And that's all I would want for her.

She took a deep and shaky breath. My words hurt her, I could see it in her eyes. Her heartbeat started to quicken, meaning she was more upset now than before. The words were coming out of her mouth, so fast, even I had to concentrate very hard to comprehend them.

´You did not have the right to do that. It was so harsh. You´ve said you were leaving and you didn't want me to come with you. Why shouldn't I believe that? You´ve said we both were a time bomb, waiting for the explosion. What has changed about that? You´re still not human, meanwhile I am. That did not differ over the last six months. You´ve said I wasn´t good for you. Not good enough, you mean. Because we don´t fit and we will never fit, right? All of this for just a teenage crush, right? That's what you said. It would be the last time I saw you. And now you´re here? Why? So you can leave again when the going gets tough?

You took everything from me. Even the CD, my most precious gift. How could you? What gave you the right?´
Her words stung like knives as she repeated the hideous lies I've told her. She started crying and I wanted nothing more than to soothe her, but I knew she would not want that. Oh Bella, my precious Bella. What have I done to you? Can I ever make this right?

´Everything was a lie, Bella. Everything. I lied! But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible. I lied, and I´m so sorry. Sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. I´m sorry. I really did what I thought was right at that time. But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me? I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept, as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you.´
I put my hand in hers. She accepted it, and I was glad.

´Please Bella, I´m begging you. I don't know how to make this right.´
Her crying stopped for a second. I saw her trying to compose herself.

´How can I believe you right now?´ She eventually said. She still believed the lies. Oh Bella, I´m sorry I did this to you. If I could turn back time, I would!

´I´m here now and I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.´
I stroked her hair. It calmed her heartbeat a little bit. She even stopped crying, and I took that as a good sign.

´I. Will. Never. Leave. You. Again.´ I said very clearly as I looked deeply into her eyes. I saw pain flash there, anger and a third emotion I could not quite comprehend. Maybe hope?

´The hold that you have over me is way too strong,´ I continued. ´I was struggling every second I wasn't near you.´

´Edward…,´ she whispered. ´How can you expect me to believe this? All of this. When your actions have shown me something else? I don't understand this. At all. I´m so confused right now.´

She bit her lip. I longed to kiss her. I was becoming desperate.
´I understand and I´m so sorry. But why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?´ I was begging her.
That struck a nerve. The anger had returned on her face again.

´Well, you make it very hard to believe all of this. What am I supposed to make out of this? You are back and I should run into your arms? I don't think so! You left, Edward. And you did not talk to me about it. You made that decision, all by yourself.´

´You are right, you are absolutely right...And I'm more sorry for that than you can ever imagine. But I have to ask you one question, just one question please.´
She looked at me quizzically. I prepared myself for the hardest question I ever had to ask. I looked at her hand, which I was still holding. I gave it a gentle squeeze before I looked up to look at her beautiful face. A face that was hurt. Because of me.

´Just tell me whether or not you can still love me, after everything I´ve done to you. Can you? You don't have to spare me...´

´How I feel about you does not say anything about what's best to do right now. I don´t trust you, Edward. It pains me to say that, but I don't know if I can ever trust you after that stunt you´ve pulled. And trust is everything.´
I nodded.

´I understand.´

´Well, no. I don't think you understand at all. You really did hurt me, Edward. I simply just don't know if I can ever love you again after that. Now if you'll excuse me. I need to sleep. We might talk this through again tomorrow. Goodnight.´
She pulled her hand back, grabbed the blankets that covered her, turned around in bed and did not look up again.

Bella POV:

I forced myself to open my eyes, expecting to see nothing but darkness. What I did not expect to see was Edward standing right next to my bed. Edward? It couldn´t be! I was mad. I was a madwoman. This is brain damage at its finest. There was something wrong with me. What kind of brain damage leaves hallucinations of your ex-boyfriend? This was some form of accident induced schizophrenia or something like that.
´Huh?´ I said. I closed my eyes again. Stop this nonsense.
Brain, from now on, you'll be working again!
I opened my eyes again. There he was. Edward. He was still there. But how? Why? Huh?
´Hello Bella,´ he said.

This can't be happening?

´Edward...´ I struggled to find the right words. Wow, I´m hallucinating my ex-boyfriend. I´m really hallucinating my ex-boyfriend! I must be on some kind of anesthesia or something like that. Something very strong since I can also feel him, holding my hand.

´I´m sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you,´ my hallucination said. I gasped in surprise. Even in my hallucinations, he is polite and courteous. I must ask the doctor what kind of drugs he had given me.
Wait a minute… In the best-case scenario, this hallucination is indeed the effect of some kind of heavy medicine. On the other hand, it could also mean my brain has officially stopped functioning altogether. Oh no… I´m mad.

´My brain…´

´What's wrong with your brain?´

´I'm imagining things. I´m seeing Edward. The doctor made a mistake.´
I closed my eyes, trying to think about possible scenarios where someone hallucinates things. What could this be, a tumour? Oh no, Charlie could not take that.

´Bella, apart from a fracture, your brain is fine.´

´Sure, sure. I´m seeing him. I'm hearing him. I even feel him touching me. None of this is real.´

I opened my eyes again. He was still there. But how?

´I assure you, I´m really here Bella.´ He gave my hand a little squeeze. And I could feel it. Weird.
Wait a minute, he was here. But why? So I asked him.

´Alice saw you in a car crash. We were worried.´
I really have no colourful imagination. Was this all I could come up with? Edward standing next to my bed, because he felt worried?

´So, they were worried about me…. But they weren't worried six months ago when they left me. How strange.´
I was never this harsh on the ´real´ Edward. Let's see how he would react to this. If I have an imaginary friend (or enemy) I might as well use it to my advantage.

´I´m so sorry about that,´ he stared at me. I noticed his eyes were black. That surprised me, each time I had seen Edward, his eyes were amber coloured. I asked him about it. Apparently he rushed over to get to the hospital. I was slowly beginning to believe this version of Edward. I would never imagine a fake Edward with black eyes. If I remembered a fake Edward, his eyes would be amber.
I quickly remembered his appetite for my blood. This must be very hard for him! Standing so close to me, while being this thirsty. Wait, why am I even thinking about his well-being? I´m not concerned about him. F* him!

´I see. Is being here uncomfortable for you?´
NO Bella, you should not be asking that!

´No,´ he said. That was fine. I didn't care, I told myself.

´In all honesty, being here is the most comfortable I have been in six months,´ he continued.
I wanted to say; good for you, now get out of my room, but something in me refused the words to leave my mouth. Strange.

´I lied that day, six months ago. I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be.´
How dare he say something like that? Does he want me to believe he isn't lying to my face right now?

´Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly. That was… excruciating.´

Something in me snapped. What kind of talk is this? Girlfriends trust their boyfriends and vice versa. Boyfriends or girlfriends don't lie to each other. It's as simple as that. A 100 year old vampire should know that, right? It's not hard to understand.
I said so to him, and he told me some kind of BS excuse that he wanted to keep me safe.
Safe? Safe from what? I had been safe. Apart from that little incident at the party, I always felt protected.

´From me, from my family. I was so afraid I would hurt you somehow and I didn't want to let that happen.´
Ooooooooh. I closed my eyes, I needed to comprehend this new information. This didn't make any sense. I specifically asked him about it. Did he really…. ignore my request and just do his own thing? That egoistic…. That…. Aaaarggghhh...

´Then why didn't you talk to me about it? I particularly begged you to talk to me. To explain it to me. I would have understood your reasoning, Edward. But instead you´ve ignored me for days. You shut me out.´
I felt tears welling up. Oh no, I wasn't sad. There were angry tears. He wanted to wipe them away, but no. I want him to see them. Yes, see my tears Edward. I´m pissed off at you.

´Please Bella. I know you would´have understood it. But I… I wanted to try… Try to set you free. Try to give you a happy life, without me in it. A happy life, with a normal boyfriend who is absolutely and utterly right for you.´
Alright, that does it. Who was he to dictate that. For me? Was I dictating his life? Absolutely not. What gave him the right to do that? I was so pissed, I don´t think I´ve ever been as pissed off as I was right now.

´You did not have the right to do that. It was so harsh. You´ve said you were leaving and you didn't want me to come with you. Why shouldn't I believe that? You´ve said we both were a time bomb, waiting for the explosion. What has changed about that? You´re still not human, meanwhile I am. That did not differ over the last six months. You´ve said I wasn´t good for you. Not good enough, you mean. Because we don´t fit and we will never fit, right? All of this for just a teenage crush, right? That's what you said. It would be the last time I saw you. And now you´re here? Why? So you can leave again when the going gets tough? You took everything from me. Even the CD, my most precious gift. How could you? What gave you the right?´

I didn't want to continue this talk. I was crying so hard. Meanwhile, he was begging me, telling me everything was a lie. So I felt this miserable for six months, all for a lie? Only a lie? Because he felt the need to protect me, from what? His family? I call BS. He grabbed my hand and I could not pull away. I wasn't strong enough anymore. I have been so strong for six months and he broke me. Again. He came into the night, promising me sweet little things, telling me everything was a lie and telling me I was stupid to believe it. But what was I supposed to do? And he was asking me how he could make it right again? As if! As if I could still trust him after this.

´How can I believe you right now?´

´I´m here now and I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.´
He started stroking my hair. One part of me, a very small part of me, hoped this was all real. That this night really did happen. That Edward really returned. That everything was over, and he was back into my life. That Edward really promised me he would never leave me again.
But, my ratio took over. This wasn't real. Fairytales don't exist. And I, for one, did not believe in fairytales. He had completely vanished. He didn't even tell me where he went. One day, everything was fine and the next, he and his whole family were gone.

´Edward…,´ I asked. ´How can you expect me to believe this? All of this. When your actions have shown me something else? I don't understand this. At all. I´m so confused right now.´
That was putting it mildly. I wasn't even sure this night really happened. But then, Edward gave a very stupid excuse for an answer.

´… why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?´

I don´t know, Edward…. You tell me. What a stupid question was that! When someone lies to you, how can you know he isn't lying anymore?

´Well, you make it very hard to believe all of this. What am I supposed to make out of this? You are back and I should run into your arms? I don't think so! You left, Edward. And you did not talk to me about it. You made that decision, all by yourself.´

Luckily for him, he had the guts to say I was right. He said he wanted to ask me something. He sure had balls, asking me for something. I didn't owe him anything at all. He was squeezing my hand. I'm guessing he really was afraid of what he was about to ask me. I didn't want to, but I became immensely curious.

´Just tell me whether or not you can still love me, after everything I´ve done to you. Can you? You don't have to spare me...´
What kind of question was that? What I felt for him, was separated from this. I trusted him and he kept me in the dark.

I told him I didn't trust him anymore. And that I didn´t know if I could ever trust him again after his actions. I saw the sorrow in his eyes as soon as I said the words. It didn't hurt me. Good, I thought. If only he could feel a little bit worse about the pain he caused me.
He kept saying he understood. But, if he truly understood, he would have never done it to begin with. I was annoyed. He really did hurt me and a few cute excuses could not help with that.

´Well, no. I don't think you understand at all. You really did hurt me, Edward. I simply just don't know if I can ever love you again after that. Now if you'll excuse me. I need to sleep. We might talk this through again tomorrow. Goodnight.´
As if he would still be there tomorrow, he he he. The drugs have probably worn off by then. I quickly fell asleep as I was exhausted. Seeing your ex-boyfriend really is tiresome.

As I arrived home, I went straight to the shower. It felt amazing to wash the hospital smell off of me. I put on some comfortable clothes since I didn't have to go anywhere that day. Brushing my hair, I walked inside my room, and I almost let the brush fall to the floor.

What?

On my bed lay a little package. I had already recognised it from across the room, but I still made my way up to it to examine it further. It was the CD. The CD Edward had given me for my birthday. The CD that had mysteriously left since he had mysteriously left. The CD I talked about last night. Last night, when I thought I was hallucinating. That could only mean one thing…

The Cullen´s were back!

Chapter Text

Chapter 10: Sorry won't cut it

Edward POV:

´We might talk this through again tomorrow...´
Bella went back to sleep after that. I didn't know how to react to that. Part of me wanted nothing more than to stay with her, watch her sleep and talk to her again the minute she would wake up. Apologize, over and over, until she would forgive me if she could after the things I´ve done to her.
The rational part of me knew that that wasn't an option. She wasn't exactly pleased to see me again, and I could not blame her for that. But, even if she wasn't pleased to see me, she still wanted to talk things through. And that was more than I deserved.

I felt the hospital and went to our family home in Forks. Only Alice was there, but soon our family would relocate here again. Once we noted Bella wasn´t in a critical condition as Alice told me, I made the decision I would come back here. I could not leave Bella alone and I´ve wanted nothing more than to live as close to her as possible.

As expected, Carlisle could easily get his job back at the hospital. He was an excellent doctor and he told his former boss his wife could not get used to the big city of New York. He could start again next week. Esme was beyond thrilled once she heard the news that I've wanted to come back to Forks. She loved Bella and wanted nothing more than to see us work things out in the future.

Rosalie was a different story. She never knew what I saw in Bella and what pull she had over me. But, she saw how I coped without her and acknowledged that I was a different person without Bella in my life. And Emmett almost couldn't wait to see her again. The little banter they jokingly shared always lightened the mood and he missed those little chats.

How different that was for Jasper. He felt immensely guilty and dreaded going to school again and seeing Bella. Even though she immediately said it wasn't his fault and he shouldn't feel guilty about it, he still did. Now that we would return, we made sure he would feed more often to assure incidents like those would not happen again.

I entered the house and went straight to Alice´s room. She had already seen how my talk with Bella went, so I would not have to waste time explaining it to her. She was almost jumping up and down and seeing how excited she was brought a small grin to my face.

´Calm down, she even thought she was hallucinating at first.´

´Don´t tell me to calm down Edward. We will see her again tomorrow at school! I can´t wait. What shall I wear? And she thought she was hallucinating because she's in a hospital with a head injury. Of course, she did not believe it at first. Give it some time. But I´m so excited,´ she burst out. Even I had some trouble understanding her excited exclaims. But I had to give it to her, her agitation was contagious. We would see her again! Tomorrow! At school!

´I know, I know. You´ve missed her too. But she wasn't pleased seeing me again so don't get your hopes up too high,´ I tried to calm her.

´Even if she's mad at us, I'm still happy to finally see her again. You weren´t the only one who missed her, you know.´

´I know and I´m sorry for asking you to stay away from her...´ I looked outside the window before I continued. ´Speaking of staying away from Bella, how´s Jasper? I know he's still blaming himself for everything. If he continues his feeding schedule as it is right now, he should not have to stay away from her more than Bella wants us to.´
Alice looked quizzically at me. ´Jasper´s fine. A bit scared to return as he is ashamed for how he reacted that day. And what do you mean with Bella?´

´Well…,´ I didn't want to change her enthusiasm. ´No, nothing. It´s fine.´ I smiled at her. She didn't return my smile so I changed the subject and asked her; ´let me see the outfits you have planned to wear tomorrow. Maybe I can help you chose one.´ She jumped up and rushed to her closet. Sometimes, it was way too easy to distract Alice. The truth is, I´m scared Bella would want nothing to do with us. I hoped and prayed that wasn´t the case, but a part of me was terrified by that thought.

Bella POV:

There were two things I knew for sure. One, the Cullens were back. The CD on my bed was the only explanation that I hadn't imagined Edward standing next to my bed at the hospital. Second, I would have to return to the hospital because I would die from embarrassment. Embarrassment since I had to be driven to school by a police car, for a whole month.

Sitting next to Charlie right now wasn't the problem. The problem would arise on our way back, once he had heard that the Cullens had returned and wanted to ask me how I was doing. I didn't want to have that conversation. I really didn't.

Unfortunately for me, I must have incurred some bad karma in a past life. Once Charlie's police car rode up the school's parking lot, one expensive and shiny car grabbed both our attention. Edward´s car. Charlie knew it. I knew it. We both knew it. I glanced over at my dad, and seeing how his knuckles were white from grabbing the steering wheel made me smile. He was angry. He never was, but Edward leaving me made his blood boil.

´It's alright, Dad.´

´I never knew they were back. How are you holding up, Bells?´

´I´ll manage, you know I will,´ I assured him.
He sighed. He must be so worried about me right now. I mean, he saw how I coped with Edward leaving me and it wasn't always pretty.

´Just…. take care, okay?´
I hugged him. It was quite awkward to do so in a car, but I wanted to assure him I could handle it.

´Well, wish me luck I guess.´ I smiled at him. ´Don´t worry Dad, I'm a big girl. I can take it.´
And with that, I hopped out of the car and waved him goodbye. In mere seconds, Jessica and Angela stood next to me. One would think they were vampires with the speed they rushed over to me.

´Omg Bella, have you seen IT?!´ Jessica angrily yelled.

´How are you holding up, Bella?´ Angela asked in a much calmer tone. I was moved by their outburst and support.

´I´ve seen it. Charlie as well,´ I explained.

´How dare he just return, how dare he?´ Jessica looked furious. I have never seen her this agitated before, it almost made me scared.

´How did your dad react?´ Angela asked while grabbing my hand and giving it a tight squeeze.

´I am… shocked to see the Cullens have returned,´ I explained. ´Charlie was angry, as expected and for me… I don´t know. I really don't know.
Jessica quickly hugged me. ´Don´t you worry about anything, Bella. We will ignore that piece of shit together.´ She reassured me.
Both Angela and I had to laugh at her sudden outburst. Oh, how I love them both. And I knew they were right.
Once Edward left, I had to sit alone during all of my classes since we sat together everywhere. But when Jessica and Angela took me under their wing, they managed to sit next to me in turns. So half of the time, I sat next to Jessica and during the other classes, I sat next to Angela. Some lessons I had to sit alone, the ones they did not take.

Like biology. My third period.
Don´t think about that! I will manage, I have to.

´Thank you guys. Let's just ignore it, please.´ I said as I started walking towards our first period; English. As we arrived, I sat down next to Angela, while Jessica sat in front of us. A little barricade from Edward. I would definitely need that. As much as I didn't want to, I was anxious to see him again. That one time in the hospital did not seem real. I was still debating if it even was real and if he would even show up today. I did not want to get my hopes up. If you could even call that feeling in the pit of my stomach that.

And then… he arrived. His light brown hair with a reddish glint was styled into a messy ´out of bed´ look. He was wearing a simple black shirt with jeans, but his sculpted chest made all clothing immediately look designer. It was so unfair, why did he look so good? This was a losing battle, this isn't even fair. But the worst was yet to come, because now he looked up and met my eyes. Those eyes, amber again, made my knees weak. And I knew for sure, made my heartbeat quicken so he could hear. Damn it. I didn't want to. But a different feeling also took over. Wait a minute, those eyes betrayed me. Those eyes lied to me. Those eyes left me half a year ago. How could he? How could he do that to me?

I narrowed my eyes at him and turned to face Angela. She kept a close eye on me, to see how I would react. I smiled at her, giving her a wink to reassure her I was fine. I was fine. I could ignore him, ignore this feeling he held over me, and all would be okay again. I believe Jessica watched him as a hawk, giving him the evil eye, as he did not come closer to us and instead sat in front of the classroom.

Our teacher arrived, and I tried my best not to glance at Edward. He had probably noticed the stronger bond I had with both Angela and Jessica. That felt good. I wasn't a sad excuse of a person, desperately waiting for her ex boyfriend to return. No, I´ve made friends along the way and had a closer bond now with my dad than ever. I could do this. I could ignore him. I could get over him. I was sure of that.
The lesson ended, and Edward stood up. He turned around and walked over to us. But before he could reach us, Jessica also quickly stood up and blocked our way.

´I think you´ve done enough,´ she said. Her harsh tone did not upset Edward. I tried my best to ignore him, as I packed my stuff and also stood up. After a few seconds, Angela followed my cue to leave.

´Please Jessica, I only need a minute to explain myself to Bella,´ he said. He used his horrible, horrible powers. I knew Jessica did not stand a chance against them. His big devoting eyes were pleading with Jessica to get a minute alone with me. I saw her visibly buckle under his pressure.

´I mean….,´ she stuttered. Poor Jessica.

´It's okay, Jess. Thanks,´ I needed to save her.

´As for you,´ I turned around to face Edward. Do not look at his eyes, do not look at his eyes! ´I´ll see you during Biology. Whatever it is you need to say to me can wait till then.´

He nodded in response before he left. I had to take a deep breath to calm my nerves. Damn it! Angela grabbed my hand again.

´You did well, Bella. I´m proud of you. You were polite but you took control. You´ve got this,´ she assured me.

´Oh Bella, I´m sorry I could not stop him, I really tried,´ Jessica responded.

´It's okay, really. I´ll just hear him out, see whatever it is he has to say to me.´ I really didn't know what it could be. Or at least, I had a very, very good guess but I didn't want to think about that right now.
As we walked over to our second period, I felt a strong hand on my shoulders. I turned around to see Jasper, standing just a few feet away from me, avoiding my eyes. Jessica looked over her shoulders to see why I wasn´t walking next to her anymore. She saw Jasper and looked at me, to see if I needed any help. I never had a problem with Jasper, so I could easily listen to whatever he had to say to me. I gave Jessica a smile, and she got the hint and continued walking.

´Bella, I´m so sorry for all of this,´ Jasper shyly explained. I looked around and saw that we were the only ones in the hallway, before I answered him.

´It's not your fault, Jasper. I was never angry at you,´ I responded. Meaning, there were other Cullens I was angry at. I knew he had also heard that in my reply. He wanted to respond to that but I quickly added; ´Whatever happened six months ago was a stupid accident. Nothing more. But how… How... He responded to that. That had nothing to do with you. So I´ve never been angry at you,´ I explained myself. I had to stutter a lot and I was very thankful he didn't make a remark on that.

´He meant well, I promise,´ he told me.

´That doesn´t matter, Jasper. It doesn't take away the fact he lied. And lying is never the answer. I appreciate that you've apologised but there was really no need for that.´ I became a bit agitated. He noticed and said; ´thank you for listening to me, I won't keep you any longer.´ He smiled down at me. ´And good luck in Maths.´

´Thank you, guess I´ll need that. I´ll better run now.´ I returned his smile and jogged to my classroom. This time, I sat next to Jessica. Edward didn´t take this class so we could quietly discuss the recent events. Jessica was impatiently sitting and almost jumped up as soon as she saw me walking over to her.

´What happened?´ she whispered.

´It was just Jasper. He wanted to apologize to me. I told him I was never angry at him, but I still appreciated the gesture, you know.´

´Alright, I'll guess that's decent. But you know damn well I wasn't talking about him. Talk about… Edward. How are you feeling? I can try to skip next period and sit next to you, if you want?´

´Oh Jess, that won't be necessary. I´ll just hear him out and that's it. It won't have to be way more complicated than it is already.´ And I really wanted to hear what he had to say to me.

´If you´re sure about that,´ she looked sceptical. Just as I wanted to reassure her one last time, class started. I tried to pay attention and ignore the growing pit in my stomach. It was even harder right now compared to our last class, since I was very anxious to talk with Edward again. As the bell rang, I shoved my stuff into my backpack. Jessica wished me good luck one last time and I walked towards our Biology classroom.

However, before I could reach it, I felt another cold and strong hand on my shoulder. Wait a minute… I turned around and faced Alice. What a deja-vu. Almost all Cullens wanted to talk to me today. I almost thought it was funny. I must have smiled, as Alice´s face lit up and she reached out to hug me.
Wait, wait. No. As calm as I was facing Jasper, I wasn't calm seeing Alice again. Jasper was not to blame, as he simply followed orders. But Alice was my friend as well. And she did not reach out to me. At all. And that hurt. A lot.

´Don't hug me, Alice.´ I said. Her face immediately fell and I almost felt guilty. Almost.

´I´m so sorry Bella,´ she started. ´I tried to discourage him but he wouldn't listen to me.´ I avoided looking directly into her eyes. I needed to say to her that she hurt me as well.

´Sorry won't cut it, Alice. You left me as well. You also hurt me.´ It felt good saying that out loud. I mean, what did they expect me to do? Run over to them? No, they needed to know I was hurt and still am.

´I really tried, you have to believe me. Please,´ she begged.

´I don't have to, Alice. Since I now know what great liars you all are,´ I bitterly said. Regret immediately followed. Alice looked defeated, her shoulders were hanging, her face fell and she looked down to the ground as if I had slapped her. Maybe I was being too harsh on her. But damn it, they were toying with my head. I didn't know how to react anymore. I've wanted to apologize to her but something in me said; no. Don´t. Don't apologize. Give them a little taste of their own medicine. Be a bitch. They deserve it.

Without a word, I turned around and walked over towards the other problem I had yet to face. Biology. Edward. I had my poker face on and the day could not get any worse. So bring it on, I´m ready to fight.

Chapter Text

Chapter 11: Biology

Edward POV:

Alright, so my little morning chat with Bella did not go exactly as planned, but that was okay. She wanted to talk to me in Biology, and I held onto that thought. We would get a minute alone, and I needed that since her friends really blocked my way. I´ve heard Jessica´s thoughts and those weren't pretty.

Who does he think he is? I won't let him hurt Bella again. Not on my watch.

And the worst part of it all was that she was right. I did hurt her and I could not make that right.

As expected, Jasper tried to apologize to Bella and as expected, she immediately forgave him. We´ve told Jasper a billion times before that Bella was in no way angry at him, but I felt relieved he could hear it with his own ears. Bella was never angry at him, she was angry at me.
Her little talk with Jessica proved that.

Once her second lesson was finished, she walked over to Biology. I was already sitting there, patiently waiting for her to sit next to me. However, before she could reach the classroom, Alice had stopped her.

I heard Alice´s thoughts and listened in on their conversation. I know, not exactly a nice thing to do but desperate times called for desperate measures.

There she is! I can't believe it. Would she mind if I hugged her? No, she would mind that. Let me just place my hand on her shoulder, don´t want to scare her away.
Oh, she must have missed me too. She smiles at me, so she´s happy to see me. Come closer Bella, let me hug you.
Wait, she doesn't want me to hug her? She looks so angry. This is your fault, Edward!
Please believe me, Bella. I really tried to discourage him. Please look at me, see the truth in my eyes. You have to believe me, I also didn't want this. I´ve never wanted this. I´m also hurt by this.
I would never lie to you, Bella….
Edward, I know you are listening right now. This is all your fault!

I flinched. Alice was right, this was all my fault. But believe me, I will try to make things right again. I have to. I heard Bella approach the classroom door. She deeply inhaled one last time before entering. And I was directly mesmerized by her beauty. She was furious. All her movements screamed I´M ANGRY as she walked over to our place. In her eyes, I saw a raging fire burning to get out. Her mouth was a thin line, probably thinking about ways to insult me. She sat down next to me and directly started.

´So, apparently, all Cullens want something from me today. And what do you want?´ It was very clear she was immensely annoyed. Some heads turned around to watch us, as I'm sure we would be quite the spectacle in this tiny school, located in this tiny town. The long lost boyfriend finally returned. How would his ex react to that?

´I´m so sorry, Bella..´ I started. She directly interrupted me, holding her hands in front of her to stop me.

´Yeah, yeah. I´m sorry, I´m sorry. I´ve heard that line enough already. What exactly do you want?´
For us to make up and start dating again. But I could not tell her that already. It would only make her angrier. I looked directly into her eyes, and I heard her heartbeat react to that. Even if she was this angry at me, her heart reacted to me being close to her. That gave me a small sense of hope, which pushed me to my next answer.

´To just have two minutes alone with you, to tell you how sorry I am. Please, that's all I'm asking. And we can't talk openly here, class is soon starting.´ I tried to use that excuse to get her alone for a few minutes. Hopefully, it will work.

´Why would I give you even a minute of my time?´ That hurt, but unfortunately, she was right. Why should she?

´You have every right to deny my request. I just really need to set some things straight.´ She closed her eyes for a few seconds before she opened them again. She saw our teacher arriving and putting her books on her desk. Bella knew we only had a few seconds left of this conversation, so she faced me again and said; ´Fine, just a few minutes during our lunch break, that's all.´ She grabbed her phone, opened a group chat with Jessica and Angela and told them she would skip lunch with them to hear me out. Jessica responded with an angry faced emoji while Angela wished her good luck.

I would talk to her after this lesson. She wanted to hear me out. I was thrilled. It was absolutely more than I deserved. The class soon started and Bella pretended I wasn't there. She continued to ignore me for the rest of the lesson. Once the bell rang, she put her books into her bag and turned to face me, a bit calmer now.

´Lead the way.´
I also readied myself, before I felt the familiar anxious feeling return to my stomach. I did not want to mess this up, not again.
We left the classroom and walked over to the trees behind the school building. We had spent some happier moments there, and I hoped the serene scenery did calm Bella a bit more. Before we left the building, people turned around to watch us, to see how we would react to each other. I heard their thoughts, they were wondering what the hell Bella did, walking next to me after I had hurt her. Everyone was right. I tried to ignore them and instead focussed myself on the girl walking next to me. The girl that holds my heart. The girl that was the centre of my whole universe. My everything.
We arrived, and I turned around to face her.

´You have every right to be angry at me, at my family,´ I started.

´That's right. You lied and you left, who does that?´ I was taken aback by her direct comeback. I had no idea what the best approach was to respond to her.

´I really thought it would be better for you in the long run. I didn't want to endanger you any longer. I wanted to keep you safe and I thought I was doing that by leaving you. I now see that I hurt you in other ways and I´m so tremendously sorry for that. More than you know.´ I looked at her and she didn't look away. She must have seen the truth in my eyes because she was a lot calmer than before.

´I can understand that, Edward. I really can. But lying instead of talking to me… I don't appreciate that. I don´t know if I can ever trust you again after that. And I hate that feeling.

´ Tears started to roll down her face. I took a step in her direction but she took a step back, maintaining the distance between us. She wiped her tears away.

´And you completely vanished for half a year! How can I know for sure that you´ll stay this time?´ she continued angrily.

´Bella, I can't ever leave you again. Being away from you nearly broke me. I am nothing without you.´ I pleaded. No, I begged. Please believe me, Bella. I need you in my life.

´That still doesn't change anything about me not trusting you. I don´t know if you´ll leave again. I really don't know that.´ She looked at me with swollen eyes and I knew I had absolutely messed up. I had to gain her trust back somehow.

´I´ll stay this time. I promise. seeing you in a hospital bed broke me. I can't lose you. Not again.´ That had awakened something inside her. She looked away, trying to get her quickened breath under control before she continued.

´What's different now compared to six months ago? Nothing, right? You act as if I´m some delicate china doll and maybe compared to your strength, I indeed am. But I'm not stupid. I know the risks of dating you. I'm aware of the danger I put myself in.´ She looked at me again, with pure sadness in her eyes. ´But you decided by yourself.´

´What's different is that I now know I can't stay away from you. I really need you, Bella. Please. Tell me what I need to do to gain your trust back somehow. I´ll do anything,´ I quietly added.
Bella looked away again and fell silent for a few minutes. A few horrible minutes. If only I could hear her thoughts. I had no idea what she was thinking right now. Could she ever trust me again? She quietly mumbled the next few words that broke my heart.

´I want you to stay away from me.´ No. No no no. Anything but that! I can't do that. Please tell me I heard wrong. Please!

´You don't mean that.´

´But I do, Edward. This is all too much, can´t you see that? You can't just disappear and reappear every time you want to. And just because I had an accident? Humans have accidents all the time! I can't take this.´ She looked so defeated and I hated myself for letting her feel that way.

´Please, Bella.´ I would beg her on my knees. I would stay on my knees for centuries. Please don´t mean this. But she got agitated again.

´No Edward. No ´please Bella.´ I mean it. I really mean it. I want you to leave me alone. You could decide our future, and now it's my turn,´ she pointed her finger at me. ´I want to be left alone by you and your family. Definitely for now, since I need to gather my thoughts about all of you. So I need to know for sure you won't leave again.´ It broke my heart even further hearing her say those things. She wanted to be separated from us, to believe we were really here again.

´If that's what you want, I'll do it,´ I assured her.

´And this goes without saying, but I also don't want you to go to my house in the evening. I want us to ignore each other. I don´t want to talk to any Cullen right now,´ she continued.

´You have my word, Bella. We won't bother you any further.´

´Okay. Thanks, I'll guess.´ And with that, the bell rang, meaning our lunch break ended. Bella gave me a small smile to show me our fight had ended, and she turned around and left. She had to walk quickly to be in time for her next period. I stood still, unable to move as the realisation hit me she wanted to be left alone for now. She did not want to talk to any of us. And I simply did not know what to do or how to cope with this.

Bella POV:

I arrived just in time for French. I was absolutely grateful to sit next to Angela, as Jessica would probably tear me to shreds for my little conversation with Edward. Just as I sat down, they both turned around with a quizzical look into their eyes.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I looked at it, to see our group chat almost exploding with questions regarding Edward. I smiled a bit and took the hint that we needed to talk via messenger and respond to their questions. I told them Edward would leave me alone. Really leave me alone this time. I told them we talked things through and that I now understood his reasoning for leaving. I told them I was hurt and upset, but not for him leaving me, but for him lying about it. I could not tell them everything for obvious reasons, but I hoped that I was clear enough and that I provided them with good answers.
Both Jessica and Angela seemed pleased with those answers. As soon as the lesson ended, Jessica turned around with a smile.

´I could not have done a better job. Well done girl.´

´I´m pleased with the outcome, but that was enough drama for one day, don´t you think?´ I responded to both of them.

´The drama is just getting started. We have volleyball next period. Please, let this day be over already,´ Angela moaned.

´Oh no, I almost forgot. Your ex returning is nothing compared to that terror,´ I sarcastically replied while rolling my eyes. We all had to laugh a bit, taking the edge off of this whole bizarre day.

As expected, volleyball was horrible. But what was even more horrible was the car ride with Charlie I had to endure just now. He probably had so many questions about Edward and I did not want to answer a single one of them.
Before Charlie arrived, I walked outside for a bit. I saw Edward´s silver Volvo and him standing next to it, probably waiting for Alice and Jasper so they could return to their home. Their home in Forks. It was still weird. I quickly looked away, but we´ve already made eye contact. He looked sad, defeated almost. And just as with Alice, I felt guilty. And just as with Alice, I told myself to grow a pair. I did not want to talk to any Cullen right now, and I certainly meant that. Alice and Jasper came, got in the car and they drove away. I imagined Edward had already told them since none of them made eye contact with me. Good. Exactly what I wanted. Good.
Charlie came and I sat next to him. Before he could open his mouth to ask me exactly what happened today, I beat him to it.

´The Cullens are indeed back. They are very sorry for leaving. But I'm pissed they even left in the first place so I told them I didn't want to talk with them. They respected that.´ I could tell my dad even less than I could tell Jessica and Angela, but this explanation seemed to satisfy his curiosity. He hummed a bit and drove away.
I could almost not believe how easy that was. Almost too easy… Once we arrived home, he stopped the car and faced me.

´Bells…,´ he looked uncomfortable. ´You know you can tell me anything, right? You don't have to be braver than you are with this. I know it must be hard on you.´

´Oh Dad, the day had been long enough already. I really don't want to talk about the Cullens right now.´ I reached out to grab his hand. ´But I still appreciate your effort.´ I smiled at him.
We went into the house and I started cooking, a hobby of mine. I would even dare to say I´m very good at it. Charlie stood in the kitchen.

´I forgot to tell you, I´m going fishing with Billy this weekend so you can have Jacob over.´ Well, look at that. Marvellous news indeed. My face must have lit up and Charlie started laughing.

´Knew you would react like that.´
Yes, yes, yes. Just after the day I had, this was a wonderful prospect indeed. Jacob would not ask questions. We would not talk about Edward or things like that. We would simply just have some fun. I almost couldn't wait. I put a simple stew in the oven and walked to the telephone to call Jacob and tell him the good news. On the second ring, he answered.

´Ey Bells. What´s up?´

´Jake! Our dads are away this weekend. Wanna meet up?´

´Sure, sure. What do you wanna do?´

´Movie marathon?´

´Only if it´s not some dumb rom-com, I´m game.´

´You know what, you bring the movies, I´ll make the snacks. Deal?´

´Sounds like a plan.´
He was quiet for a few seconds before he continued. ´Hey, Bells… I've heard Edward returned. How are you holding up?´

´Who told you that?´

´Charlie told Billy. But that's beside the point. Are you alright?´

´I´ll have a little word with him later...´

´Bells..´

´Alright, alright. Jeez. I´m fine, Jake. They apologized to me but I´m still mad. I've told them to leave me alone.´

´Playing devil's advocate right now, but don't you think that´s a bit harsh? I mean, they did try to apologize to you..´

´Whose side are you on?´

´Yours, you know that.´

´Just… don´t talk about them anymore. Please? I don't want the Cullens to ruin my joyful mood.´

´So this is your joyful mood then? Hmm, don´t want to get to know what your bad mood is.´

´Whatever Jake. Goodbye.´

I hang up. I wasn't even mad at Jacob but I still reacted very poorly. No, I overreacted. He did not deserve that. I tried to call him back but he did not pick up. I instead messaged him.

Sorry Jake, did not mean to be a bitch. Pls forgive me? xxx

That will have to do. The food was ready and Charlie and I ate dinner in peace. I gave him a piece of my mind, telling him I did not like it that he told Billy about the return of the Cullens. After dinner, I went to my room to do my homework. When I went to bed, Jacub still hadn't answered. Weird. that wasn't like him at all!

Chapter Text

Chapter 12: Jacksonville

Bella POV:

I woke up and looked outside my bedroom window. Jikes, it was raining again. Meaning it was sweater weather. Or you could say, just a normal day in Forks, Washington. I did not want to get up this early so instead, I grabbed my phone. Jake would´ve for sure answered me by now. Or at least, that's what I thought. I opened our chat and saw nothing.
Heh? This was madness. I wasn't even that mean to him yesterday, right? He could not still be mad at me for that little outburst, right? Oh no, I really did not want to fight one of my best friends. Maybe I could cancel being grounded for one day. I only had to convince Charlie. If I told him I needed to see Jacob since we had a fight, he would love to drive me to their house, I was sure of it.

With a newfound motivation for the day, I jumped out of my bed. I quickly grabbed a pair of jeans and put on a blue blouse. I walked towards the bathroom and washed my face. I put on some lip balm and a fresh coat of mascara. Operation begging Charlie to drive me to Jacob´s house could begin.
I walked down the stairs and did not see Charlie. He must have already left then. New plan, maybe I could ask him after school. Oh wait, how do I get to school then? I´m still grounded and not allowed to drive. I was eating my cereal and contemplating taking the bus to school when the doorbell rang. I swear, if this was a Cullen, he wouldn't live to see that day. I rushed over to the door, opened it to find…

´Jake!´ I exclaimed happily. Before I could think it through, I pulled him into a tight embrace. ´I´m so sorry, Jakey,´ I said to him, still nearly crushing his bones with the force of my hug.

´Woah Bells, what's gotten into you?´ He awkwardly patted my back in return. I guess we never really hugged this long before. and maybe it's because I´ve known Jacob since we were both kids, but this hug felt extremely comfortable. It wasn't weird. There wasn't any tension, it was just plain comfortable. The complete opposite of hugging Edward actually. I was always a little bit afraid to push Edward´s limits, not allowing myself to hug him fully, afraid that the inevitable would happen. He made my heartbeat quicken, made my palms sweaty and made my thoughts go mushy. Jacob was different. He wasn't ice cold, to begin with, and my body easily melted into his.
I stopped hugging him, took a step back and looked at him. I guess he felt a little bit embarrassed, as he avoided eye contact and looked down at his feet.

´What are you doing here?´ I asked him. He looked up and smiled again.

´I´m giving you a ride to school, Charlie said it was fine.´ He pointed at the car behind him. I hadn't even noticed the bright red Peugeot 208. Woah, that was a nice ride. Better than the one that was crushed in the accident.

´Since when do you have a new car?´

´I don´t. I could borrow Sam´s car since mine is practically dead. You remember Sam, right?´

´Tall guy, long black hair and brown eyes? It rings a bell,´ I said with a wink. Since Jacob and I began hanging out, I´ve met a few of his friends. They basically all looked alike; tall and handsome young men with long, dark hair. Jessica would have even called them ´totally hot.´ I didn't mind hanging out with them.

´That's the one. Now, hop in. I don't want to anger Charlie any further.´ We both got into the car and he drove away. We were lost in thought until I remembered Jacob mentioning Charlie.

´So, how did you convince my dad to give me a ride?´ I asked him. ´I´m still grounded and your car is dead.´
Jacob took a deep breath before he spoke; ´Bells, promise me you won't get mad?´

´I'm intrigued, Jake. Spill it out already.´ He sure knew how to grab my attention. Why would I get mad?

´First, promise me.´

´Fine, I´ll promise.´ This was getting annoying, I was so curious!

´Okay, well… Charlie felt bad for telling Billy about The Return Of The Cullens,´ he said in a dramatic, cinematographic tone. I smiled at him, encouraging him to continue. ´And well… I don't know how to tell you this.´

´Just say it. Please, pretty please?´ I had to keep the annoyance out of my tone.

´Alright,´ Jacob quickly continued. ´Edward has given you two flight tickets for your 18th birthday, right? They are expiring soon. Charlie called the airline company to ask if they could change his name… Into mine. So we could get to Jacksonville this weekend. As a little surprise trip, what do you think?

´Has Charlie really arranged this behind my back?´ I was shocked, to say the least. Quiet Charlie saw I was down for a few days and wanted to cheer me up because he felt bad. I felt my throat tighten and had to fight back tears. How sweet of him!

´Please don't be mad at Charlie, he only wanted you to have a little fun,´ Jacob mistook my quietness for anger. He nervously looked at me, to see how I reacted to all of this.

´Oh Jacob, I´m not mad. I´m so excited. We´re going to Jacksonville together,´ I exclaimed. Realisation suddenly kicked in. Jacob and I were going to Jacksonville! This weekend! Sun, beach, Florida! Jacob was startled by my sudden outburst. His eyes got wide in shock before an immense grin took over his face. He had to laugh with me and he looked instantly relaxed. Did they really think I would get mad over this? This was one of the nicest surprises I ever got. I had to thank Charlie for this.
I took my phone out of my backpack and called Charlie. He picked up and I started screaming; ´Thank you, Dad!!! Jake just told me the news. Thank you so much!!!´
He was quiet before I heard the smile in his voice; ´Oh well Bells, I´m happy you like it so much. I'm sure you both have a wonderful time together. I´ll pick you up after school, okay?´

After thanking him some more, I hung up. I turned to face Jake.

´You´re such a sneaky one, you know that? Telling me not to get mad. I thought for sure something bad had happened.´

´I really did not know how you would react, Bells. I mean, you were a little bit on edge with this whole Edward thing. Not that I blame you,´ he quickly added because I wanted to interrupt him. ´Charlie felt really bad about it. He wants you to have a good time there, Bells. And I might want to meet the infamous Renee,´ he ended with a wink. I couldn't wait to introduce my best friend to my mother. Oh, this was all so exciting.

´You´re going to love it there. We must go to the beach. There is an amazing little restaurant which serves the best milkshakes I´ve ever had. Oh, I cannot wait. When are we leaving again?´ I almost jumped up and down in my seat.

´Woah Bells, careful or you'll break another car with all your jumping around. But to answer your question, I´ll pick you up on Friday after school. That works for you?´ He quickly glanced over.

´Yes!´

I was so happy, it must be contagious. The smile could not leave my face for the whole ride, I was so very thrilled. Sooner than expected, Jacob pulled over. I looked outside and noted that we had already arrived at school.

´Have a great day, child. Learn a lot and behave!´ Jacob jokingly said. I´ve decided to play along.

´Yes, Daddy. Don't want to disappoint you and Mum.´

´That's right, child. Now go and make your old man proud.´

´I´ll try.´

´And remember Bells, on Friday we will go to Florida. Don´t forget that. If today turns out to be a crappy day, remember that this weekend will rock. You will see your mum and we both will have a great time. Think about that, alright?´

I smiled back at Jacob. Even if today would be horrible, this was the best news I could have received and I was very thankful for the opportunity to visit my mum with my friend.

´Both you and Dad have literally given me the best news ever, Jake. I´m beyond delighted right now . Thank you so much. I'll make sure Jacksonville is worth the hype. You have my word. Have you ever seen a beach where the sun actually shines?´ I referred to La Push, a large beach here in Forks where it's always grey and cloudy.

´Truth to be told, I didn't think that was even possible. Now get out of this car or else you´ll gonna be late!´ Jacob already opened the door for me. Alright then, I´ll leave. I got out of the car, packed my things, turned around and said;

´Bye, I´ll see you soon.´

´Bye Bells.´

I watched Jake drive away. Oh, this was so cool. I could not wait to tell my friends about this. I had to contain myself to not do a little happy dance in the parking lot. But Jake was right about one thing, thanks to our little banter I needed to hurry to be on time. I was so lost in thought that I hadn't even noticed the silver Volvo. I was so lost in thought that I hadn't noticed Edward standing next to that silver Volvo. And I was definitely too lost in thought to notice the defeated look he was giving me.

I happily entered my English lesson. Angela and Jessica were already there. I excused myself to our teacher for barging in like that and sat down next to Angela. They both looked quizzically at me. I couldn't just tell them right there, as I wanted to give them as many details as possible and we didn't have the time to do that right now. As soon as the lesson ended, Jessica turned around and asked me why I was this happy.

´What are you talking about?´ I teased her as we all got up and left the room to go to our next period.

´You´re actually glowing, what´s up?´ Jessica continued.

´Alright, alright. I´m going to Jacksonville this weekend. Jake just told me in the car on our way to school. I´m so excited!´ I was already jumping up and down again. Oh, I really couldn't wait.

´Get out, you´re actually going to Florida? Urgh, I´m so jealous,´ Jessica said. Until she stood still and remembered something. Her eyes widened. Both Angela and I turned around to see why she wasn't walking with us anymore.

´Wait a minute, what did you just say? You´re going with Jacob? Tall, hot Jacob? Tall, hot Jacob, to Florida? To the beach in Florida?´ she stuttered. I needed to stop this before it got out of control, she wasn't making any sense right now.

´Her best friend Jacob, Jessica,´ Angela said. Oh, I could hug her. I shot her a smile before I addressed Jessica.

´We´re just friends, Jess. I'm more excited to see my mum again instead of seeing Jake in his swimwear. Iewl. Now come on, I´ll tell you all the details on our way to class, alright?´
Jessica rolled her eyes at us but she eventually joined us again.

´You´re both no fun. You could let a girl dream. But fine Bella, and don't you dare leave anything out.´

´I wouldn't dream of it. Alright, so Jake suddenly arrived at my house. Turned out, Charlie felt bad for telling his best friend that the Cullens returned, so he wanted to do something nice for me.´

´That's really sweet of him,´ Angela said. Jessica hummed in response.

´It is! Both Charlie and Jake did this behind my back and I was so thrilled. I actually had a little stupid fight with Jake yesterday and he ignored all my texts, so I was a little scared I had hurt his feelings,´ I continued. Jessica asked me what the fight was about and I told them I was just on edge all day and I took it out on him. I wasn't fair to him and he did not deserve it.

´But anyway, he stood outside my house and wasn't mad at me at all. Then he told me we´re going to Jacksonville this weekend and I freaked out. I wish it was Friday already, I literally cannot wait.´ The smile returned to my face and I imagined I started glowing again.

´I can't wait to hear your stories, Bella. You deserve a little break,´ Angela said as we arrived at our Maths classroom.

´I´m still jealous AF. You better tell me if there will be any juicy details,´ Jessica whispered to me as I sat down next to her. I started laughing and responded;

´I can assure you, there won't be any. Unless I walk into my mum and my stepdad Phil, but I don't think you would want to hear about that,´ I jokingly said.

´Then please just tell me what Jacob looks like in his swimwear, please,´ she pleaded. I faked being shocked, but I knew Jessica would eventually ask this question anyways.

´I´ll make sure to take pictures and leave a 5-star review on Yelp, is that alright with you?´ I sarcastically asked. She stuck out her tongue, and the lesson began so we had to pay attention to our teacher.

The next lesson was Biology. With Edward. I had absolutely no idea how he would react. I really hoped he would respect my wishes to be left alone. I had to give the Cullens credits, since no one talked to me today. I had seen Alice and Jasper only briefly in the hallways, but neither looked my way or acknowledged to recognise me. I hoped Edward would do the same, but I hadn't seen him all day.

I entered the classroom and saw him sitting there. He simply looked straight ahead. He wore a grey, buttoned-down shirt with jeans and he looked amazing in it. I felt my heartbeat quicken and I felt slightly embarrassed by it. I had to women up, and forced myself to have the same attitude and posture as Edward.
So I sat next to him, and also looked straight ahead. I did not look at him, and instead focussed very hard on our teacher. I had to ignore Edward, I had to.

And that might be harder than I thought.

Edward POV:

The day Bella told me she didn't want to talk to any Cullen anymore, Alice blocked her thoughts for me. She never blocked her thoughts for me, so something must be wrong. I knew she wasn't exactly pleased that Bella did not want to talk to any of us right now, and she correctly blamed me for that, but how did she think I took it? I felt horrible! But I had to suck it up, I needed to suck it up. For Bella´s sake.

´Alice, what aren't you telling me?´ I asked her once we arrived at our home.

´Jasper, please calm us right now,´ she demanded Jasper. I immediately felt a wave of calmth that took over my anxious state.

´Thank you,´ she said to him. She turned to me and said;

´You won't like it, but I had a vision that Charlie agreed to send Bella to Jacksonville this weekend. With Jacob. You remember the tickets you gave her for her birthday? He called the airline company to change your name to Jacob´s. Please just stay calm, Edward.´

Even though Jasper tried his best to calm my nerves, it didn't work. Bella went to Florida this weekend? With a guy that wasn´t me? Jealousy took over and blurred out every normal thought I had. I knew I did not have the right to feel jealous at all, but still…
What if something happened to her? What if her plane crashes? What if someone harms her? What if that Jacob kid harms her? What if he tries something she doesn't like? What if he tries something she does like?

´I need to stop her…,´ I mumbled. However, before I could run over to her house, I felt a few pairs of strong arms around me. Jasper grabbed me from my left side, and even Emmett grabbed me from my right side. Alice stood in front of us, her eyes black and filled with anger. Even though she looked like an adorable woman, her sight even frightened me right now.

´Don't you dare rush over to Bella's house right now,´ she started.

´But...´

´NO! You´ve done enough, Edward. Think about it, if you try to stop her right now, she NEVER forgives you for that. Do you want that?´

´She isn't safe...´ I tried to beg her. Alice had to acknowledge it wasn´t safe for Bella to travel all the way to Florida. What if something happened to her? We needed to keep her safe. I needed to keep her safe.

´She is perfectly safe with her mother and her best friend, Edward. Listen, I want to be near her, just as much as you want to. But before that, we need to respect her wishes. She wants to be left alone by us, even though it hurts us right now. Think about that.´

I felt more at ease right now, and I knew it was partially Jasper's gift and partially Alice´s speech. I nodded at both my brothers, and they correctly interpreted that I would not run away.

´I´m sorry,´ I started. I knew she was right, but still… She would leave all weekend and I didnt know how she would return. If she would return. Alice hugged me.

´I know. I miss her too. She comes back, I´ll promise.´
That calmed me a little bit.

That night, I thought about all the outcomes of Bella´s little trip. All outcomes were horrible. As if my family sensed I would flee the house, there was always someone watching me. It might have been Alice´s orders. However, I knew they were right. If I thought about the trip long enough, I would really flee the house and beg Bella not to go. I also knew Alice was right. If I did that, all my chances with her were lost. So the only reason for me, not to leave, was the little pinch of hope I've felt in my heart. If I could let Bella go on this trip, my chances with her increased. And I needed to feel hope. I relied on hope. Hope kept me sane.

The next day, we arrived quite early at school. And I swear, I heard the thoughts of my newfound nemesis, Jacob, before I heard the thoughts of the love of my life. They were discussing their trip to Florida. A little part of me hoped they would not go and that Alice made a mistake, but hearing how happy Bella was about it, the hope quickly disappeared. They were laughing together, planning little trips in Jacksonville and I was immensely jealous. It should have been me. I was the one she was supposed to go to Jacksonville with. She should have made those plans with me.

I´ve heard Alice´s thoughts, begging me to leave Bella alone. And believe me, it took all my strength to not go to their car. Strength I did not know I had.

The rest of the day was even more torture. Bella was so happy about the trip and I felt immensely guilty because she needed that trip, because I´ve returned. I was the reason for her escape.

However, hearing Jessica´s thoughts and outspoken remarks about Jacob fuelled my jealousy too. Jacob hot? I couldn't see it. Luckily Bella deflected everything about him. As I could not hear her thoughts or hear her whisper in her sleep anymore, I hoped and prayed that was the truth. And that she didn´t see Jacob as more than just friends.
Biology came. I looked straight ahead, afraid of what would happen if I looked at Bella. I needed to control my urges. I needed to. I thought about Alice and what she said to me. I had to ignore Bella, I had to respect her wishes and by doing that, I might get another chance. I heard her heartbeat quicken as she approached our table. I hope that some things might never change.

She sat next to me and mimicked my posture. Alright, the tone was set. This is how we would behave around each other. I had to ignore Bella, I had to.

And that might be harder than I thought.

Bella POV:

We were in Jacksonville! We really were in Jacksonville! It was everything I needed. Sun, warmth, beaches. I needed this escape. This little change in atmosphere. As soon as the airplane landed, I looked over to Jacob and saw the shock on his face upon seeing so much sunshine. I felt the same way, once you get used to the rain in Forks, it's hard to imagine this much sunshine.
My mum and Phill waited in the arrival hall. I hugged my mother for minutes. It must have been a little bit awkward for Phill and Jake, but I did not care. I haven't seen her for far too long. She stopped hugging me, looked over to Jacob and asked;

´So, is this your boyfriend?´
Both Jake and I turned red by her question. Great. We weren't even in Jacksonville for an hour and we´ve already felt embarrassed.

´Mum, no,´ I told her.

´You remember Jacob, right? Billy´s son? Don't embarrass him, we´re friends.

´If you say so,´ she said with a wink. I turned to face Jake and silently whispered ´I´m sorry´ to him.
Jake shook both Rene´s and Phill´s hands and introduced himself.

´Leave ´em, Rene,´ Phill interfered. I smiled at him, happy for his support. I knew I liked Phill a lot.

Both Jake and I went to the toilet to change into our summer clothes. I was wearing a floral dress and Jake wore a shirt with some khaki pants. We then left the airport and went to the car. Seeing the beach again made me so tremendously happy, I felt immediately at ease.

Phill suggested Jacob and I could go to the beach, while they would prepare lunch. Oh, this weekend will be amazing. Jessica´s thoughts about a half-naked Jake flashed before me in a split second, before I pushed them back. I would not let my hormonal friend´s thoughts interfere with this little trip!
Upon arriving at home, we both dumped our luggage and changed into our swimming outfits. We wore our normal clothes above them. We quietly walked to the beach before Jacob broke the silence.

´You didn't lie, it's absolutely beautiful here.´

´I know right. I'm so happy to be back. Don´t get me wrong, I love Forks. But being here, even just for a weekend, is simply amazing.´

´I can imagine, Bells. Not everyone be likin´ da rain, girl,´ he jokingly said. I had to laugh with him since it was a little inside joke. Once I arrived in Forks, I quickly grabbed the attention of one of the boys, named Mike. He asked me that question and it shocked me to the extent that I frequently used it as a little joke. Jake happily continued using it.
We arrived at the beach and removed our normal clothes to reveal our swimwear. I glanced over at Jake. Holy mother of…

Listen, Jake is my friend. Nothing more. But even if he's only my friend, I had to give Jessica credit. She was right. Jake had one of the most sculpted and muscular bodies I had ever seen. He was huge. His golden tone made him fit it perfectly with all those other perfectly sculpted people at the beach. He had to work out, right? How come I´ve never noticed this before? I mean, I have eyes. And I could see Jake isn't ugly but where had he been hiding this?
I had to contain myself. I was eyeing him out. Control yourself, woman! Luckily, he did not see that.

´Last one in the water is a rotten egg,' he shouted at me before heading off to the sea. He jumped into the water and he dived a little bit. I shook my head, controlled my own emotions and also jumped into the water. I swam quickly to catch up.

´Took you long enough,´ he said annoyingly.

´I saw something I like.´

Chapter Text

Chapter 13: Little Trip

Bella POV:

´Took you long enough,´ he said annoyingly.

´I saw something I like.´ I was out of breath, barely able to swim next to him. He was just so extremely fast, I should have known. He was very tall, lean and muscular, meanwhile, I didn't exercise at all due to my two left feet. Not a fair game! And I didn't want him to know I was checking him out, so I had to think fast about a possible explanation.

´Remember that milkshake place I've told you about? I had to see if it's still there. And it is, so after our swim let's go there? Please?´ A strong answer, I was very pleased with myself.

´Bells, you´re weak. Wanna race me to the buoy?´ Jacob yelled back at me, ready for another unfair little race.

´Absolutely not,´ I yelled back. ´Let's just enjoy the water.´

Jacob swam back to me and we were floating a little bit while enjoying the water. It was such a calm little moment. Next to us, people were screaming at each other, they were swimming or they were building sandcastles. But right here, right now, Jake and I were just enjoying each other's company. We closed our eyes, looked at the sun ahead of us and calmly let us be floated by the waves.

´You were right,´ I heard him say next to me.

´I usually am, but about what this time?´
I looked at him and he rolled his eyes at me.

´Ha-ha. You must be the funniest person ever, Bells. But you were right about Jacksonville. It's so calming right here. I feel so at ease.´ He continued to smile at the sun.

´I know exactly what you´re talking about. I feel the same way,´ I responded. Even though I love Forks with a passion, I´ve lived in warmer climates before and even though I can't seem to sunbathe properly, I still enjoy the sun a lot. I´m at ease right now and I just feel my muscles relax more and more each second.

´Good.´

´Good?´ I glanced over to look at Jacob again. I didn't understand his response directly. He avoided my eyes before he took a deep breath and looked straight at me. He gave me a little smile, but it did not reach his eyes. He looked sad as if he didn't know how to address the next subject. I had a gut feeling that I knew exactly what we were going to talk about right now.

´You know, with everything going on at home. I figured it would be nice to get away from it all.´

I was right, we were going to talk about Edward. I figured I needed to give him some sort of explanation for my behaviour, but I didn't want to do that right here. Here, I wanted to enjoy the piece. Here, I was in my second best happy place.

The thought of Edward and I, laying next to each other in the beautiful little meadow that he once showed me while he explained his vampire ways came back to mind. We had spent countless afternoons there ever since. It was the most beautiful little scenery and the one place in the whole wide world where I felt truly at ease, at home. Just laying there, talking with Edward, looking at him, looking at his dashingly crooked little grin that made my heart do wild things, it was heaven.
But now, it was also hell. I haven't been back since. And the thought about it alone hurts like hell. He left. He left me for six months until he came back. Out of nowhere actually. What was I to make of that?

´Not right now, okay? We´ll discuss it over milkshakes,´ I said. This was now my happy place and I didn't want to ruin it. Jacob agreed and we spent the next half hour just enjoying the scenery.

All good things must come to an end, and I did promise to tell Jacob about Edward over milkshakes, so eventually, we left the water. We dried up a little bit and put on our clothes again.

We walked over to a very small American diner. The interior was a mixture of a lot of bright pastel colours, mixed with black and white menu cards. You could for example already get cavities by just looking at it, since everything screamed ´guilty pleasure´. We glanced over the tables outside to see where we could sit.
Luckily, a couple just left so we could sit by a table in the shadows. The sun was heating up and the little cooling sensation of the shadows was very welcoming. I let myself think for a second that I could have never done this with Edward. The sunlight would expose his sparkling skin, and we would have never been able to swim in daylight together. Pushing that thought out of my brain, both Jacob and I ordered a vanilla milkshake with extra whipped cream, and Jacob turned to face me.

´You don't have to tell me, Bella,´ he started.

´No Bells this time?´ I tried to lighten the mood. He didn't respond and continued to stare at me. Eventually, I gave in.

´Fine, fine. I´ll guess I owe you a proper explanation for the way I´ve been treating you in that phone call at home. I was indeed on edge. Can we keep it at that?´

I almost pleaded. I really didn't want to talk about Edward anymore, the hurt in my heart was the direct result of that. Jacob was silent for a moment, debating whether or not to accept my proposal. His brow furrowed in sudden annoyance.

´Depends. I´m afraid you´re still ¨on edge¨ as you called it,´ he reached out to grab my hand, tenderly stroking his thumb over my knuckles to calm me, I guess. At that moment, our milkshakes arrived.

´Ah, young love,´ our waiter said as he put the two vanilla milkshakes on our table. That statement bothered me. It hit a nerve, as I felt my muscles getting more and more tense each second. How dare that waiter insinuate Jacob and I were a thing? How dare Jacob insinuate I´m still on edge, don't I have every right to be? And speaking of Jake, how dare he grab my hand in public? He must have seen the angry look on my face, as he quickly said;

´Don´t keep it bottled up, let it all out.´

Oh well, he was asking for it anyway. I removed my hand from his grip and started;

´Yes, I´m on edge. Happy now? And I have every right to be, Jake. Just so you know, Edward dumped me six months ago and then he left me. And now he's back, telling me he lied six months ago and practically begging me to forgive him. To take him back. And I have to see him every day. You have no idea how on edge I am and how hard it is for me´ I took a sip of my milkshake to calm myself a little bit before I continued;

´And I´m really sorry I took it out on you, I really am. But damn it, Jake, Edward returning makes me so angry.´ I looked up and saw Jacob smiling at me, drinking a bit of his milkshake as well.

´Took you long enough, Bells.´

´What are you talking about?´
He licked a bit of whipped cream from his upper lip before he answered.

´Bells, I know you. I know you were on edge. You needed to vent and I´m happy you could do that just now. You kept everything bottled up, pretending everything was fine. But in reality, just as you said, you have every right to be angry right now. And I don´t mind you taking it out on me. I can handle it,´ he winked at me.

´So what are you going to do about him?´

I was taken aback by that question since I didn´t know for sure myself. What am I going to do about Edward? Ignoring him seemed like a valuable option. I didn't want to talk to him anymore, afraid of all the lies he would feed me. And I could not deny the hold he still had over me, and the longing I´ve felt to be near him again. But on the other hand, I could also not ignore the fact that he left, just like that. So all in all, ignoring him seemed like my best option.

´I will ignore him. And he will ignore me. That would be the best outcome.´ I was determined to do that. Sadly, that wasn´t the answer Jake wanted to hear as he continued with his large brown eyes fixated on mine, his face cupped into his hand, getting closer to me as he bent over the table;

´But he wants you back, how's that?´
I rolled my eyes at him. He must know me better than that!

´I don´t care,´ I said as convincingly as possible. ´He can't just decide to want me back, right here and right now. I also have a say in that. I´m not some toy that you can throw away now, and six months later you want to play again. I don´t trust him right now. So I don't want him.´ I ended my outburst with a smile and a large sip of milkshake. It felt great letting it all out on Jake. I´ve felt so… light right now. So at ease. I guess the saying is true when you share your sorrows with someone, the sorrows will lessen.

´I hear you loud and clear. So if anyone else comes and sweeps you off your feet?´ he asked while tilting his head back to laugh a bit harder.

´If mister Right present himself right in front of me with a ribbon on his neck, I might take him up on his offer. But I´m so mad at Edward right now, I can't think about dating anyone at this point.´ I looked at his milkshake.

´Are you done? I´ve already paid so we can leave in a second.´ And with that, the topic of Edward Cullen was finished.

We didn't speak about him any more during our weekend in Jacksonville. As soon as we left the diner, we were occupied with all the little trips my mother had planned for us. First, Rene treated us to a homemade lunch. I knew what kind of cook she was, so of course, I was a bit hesitant to try her humus bread at first, but it turned out to be quite good.

Then, me and Rene went shopping. Phill and Jacob were left to keep themselves busy for a few hours. I was never quite fond of shopping, but thanks to Alice, I´ve learned to appreciate it a bit more. Alice even took me to some make-up stores back when all was well between us, and Rene was pleased to see the little collection I had gathered over the few months I had dated Edward. So I knew I could not tell her off, once she kindly pushed me in the direction of a make-up store.

The salesperson that was helping us, put some bronzer on my face to mask my never-ending paleness. I didn't like how un-Bellalike I was feeling with a little tan on, so I gently swiped it off. Instead, she recommended some brown eyeshadow and some pale highlighter. Seeing the little sparkle on my cheekbones, I had to laugh a bit. I almost looked like a vampire, who would have thought! I knew I had to buy it. Rene was very pleased with the fact I bought make-up now, she never succeeded in her attempts to indulge me.

´I definitely like this new side of you,´ she said as we walked back to the house.

´What, me liking make-up?´

´That's one thing I enjoy for sure,´ she joked. ´But I love how you´re so carefree right now. You´re glowing.´

´I should be glowing, that damn highlighter cost me a fortune.´

´Watch your tone, Bella.´

´I´m sorry. I was meant to say; that damn highlighter cost me a fortune, mother.´
Rene rolled her eyes at me before bursting out laughing.

´You´re impossible. Come, let's walk this way. It´s a bit quicker and we don't want to keep the boys waiting any longer.´

We walked into some alley, away from the tourists and the other people. It was a bit scary, but I trusted my mother. She knew Jacksonville. She probably knew this road would be quicker. I just had to tough it up. As we walked farther into the alley, we saw a group of men standing there. We were walking towards them and they hadn't spotted us yet. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rising, as a familiar feeling took over. Fear.

Suddenly, I was back to where I was a year ago. I was back in Port-Angeles. A year ago, I also went shopping. A year ago, I was also in some alley, with a group of men harassing me. They were dangerous, ready to kill me and leave me to die if I were lucky. If I were not so lucky they would have tortured me, probably raped me, and then left me to die. I was sure I would die that day. I would´ve died if Edward had not come in and saved me. He came and used his vampire ways to scare them off, while he absolutely wanted to kill them.

I would not need Edward right now. As we approached the group of men, it turned out they were way younger than I thought they were. Probably just some teenagers selling weed or something illegal like that. I let out of deep sight I didn't know I was holding in. I would not need Edward. Not like that.

The weekend was coming to an end, much quicker than I wanted to. Packed with gifts for Charlie and Billy, Jake and I were sitting in the airport terminal. Saying goodbye to my mother again was hard, much harder than I anticipated. Luckily, Jake was there to dry my tears. And for that, I was grateful.

Edward POV:

I´ve heard Rosalie´s thoughts before she knocked on my door.
Pathetic, all this moping around for a plain human!
I felt my wrists clenching and unclenching at her horrible remark. I liked it better when she was still in Vancouver, but unfortunately, she returned. I was tremendously happy Emmett returned, but I could do without Rosalie right now. She was never fond of Bella, never fond of the idea that a vampire and a human match to the extent that we do. Did… Do! I have to believe in our love right now, I have to.

And besides, calling Bella a plain human, how dare she? She was everything to me. The centre of my universe. She was my soul. And I wanted my soul back. I needed my soul back. I´ve missed her so much.

´Quit your little tantrum, Edward. Sitting in your room all day does not bring her back.´ Rosalie screamed at the door.

I wish! If it were that easy, I would for sure never leave.

´Leave him be, Rose,´ Esme told her.

´But it's the truth, someone needs to tell him.´

´He'll come out when he chooses to,´ Esme replied.

´Pathetic.´

I could not listen to this any longer, so I ran in vampire speed towards the living room. Every Cullen was already sitting there. One of the perks and downsides of being a vampire, since there goes my dramatic entrance.

´Alright, I'm out. Happy now?´ I said sarcastically.

´Oh Edward, you should not feel forced or anything,´ Esme came over to hug me. I felt guilty for worrying her. Once we were hugging, I felt at ease thanks to Esme´s motherly affection and Jasper's gift to spread a wave of calmth towards the room. Carlisle came over to us.

´It's just a weekend, son. She´ll be fine. Stop worrying.´

I smiled at him. My parents were right, I was indeed overreacting. Everything would turn out fine. I mean, Alice would see it in the future if it weren't fine, right?
I glanced over at Alice with my brow raised. She recognised my look and nodded her head in agreement. In her head, she showed me a vision of the future. Bella was fine. She was sitting in the airport terminal, loaded with gifts for her father. She was sad about leaving Rene again and had to cry about that. I felt the all too familiar stab of jealousy as I realised that Jacob would dry her tears while that should have been me. I must have looked devastated for a moment, as I heard Rosalie again.

´That does it. Edward, grow a pair!´

Alice gasped in surprise at the harshness of Rosalie´s tone. Jasper tried to calm the atmosphere but it did not work. Emmett rushed over to Rosalie´s side to soothe her, in an attempt to stop her next words.

´She's only visiting her mother for a weekend, while you´ve left her for six months. Man up!´

The room went silent. Six pairs of eyes stared at me, preparing and calculating how I would react to that. And I was truly shocked since it was the truth. It was the truth and nothing but the truth. I heard Emmett whispering in Rosalie´s ears.

´You should not have said that. He's miserable enough as it is already without you interfering.´

´But she's right,´ I said.

Chapter Text

Chapter 14: Bella goes to a party

Edward POV:

´Rosalie is right,´ I continued. ´I did leave her and I have no right to feel this way. But I do. I miss her and I´m worried about her. What if something bad happens and I'm not there? Even though Alice says she's fine, I´m still worried.´

Alice hopped over to me, her small frame blocking me from the rest of the family. She looked up at me, cupping my cheek in her hand and showed me that Bella would return safely to Forks. A little sunburn was the worst that had happened to her and she might be a little tired, but other than that, she's fine.

´I won't do this again, Edward,´ she warned me. ´I won´t show you her future ever again. I did this for you now, because I know you needed it. But you need to control… this. Whatever this is. You need to have faith in her. You understand that?´

I nodded my head in agreement. I rang my finger through my hair, trying to comprehend all of this. Leaving her alone was going to be way harder than I ever expected it to be.

Despite my family's attempts to soothe me, I was anxiously waiting for school to start again on Monday. When Monday finally came, I felt like a little schoolboy, waiting to finally see a glimpse of his crush. Or a vampire waiting to see the love of his life again after being away from her for a whole weekend. I was hopeless. Much to Alice´s amusement, I even asked her to help me pick an outfit to dazzle Bella. If it works, why not use it? We settled for a dark blue buttoned-up shirt with grey slacks.

We arrived at school way earlier than we should, but I simply couldn't wait any longer. I had to see her, I had to.
When Charlie´s police car finally arrived after waiting way too long, I was tremendously happy. I hid a bit in the shadows, respecting her to give her some privacy and to accept her wishes to be left alone by me. Bella was talking to Charlie about her trip and she looked mesmerizing. Even a blind person could see her excitement as she talked non-stop. Her hands waved around her to express the magnitude of the scenery of Jacksonville and she laughed uncontrollably. It was music to my ears. She was so happy, I could see it in everything she did.

She got out, and I noticed we wore matching clothes. Her dark blue sweater matched my shirt and her grey jeans matched my own. She saw Angela waiting for her and walked over to her to leave the parking lot and enter the school. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. She was safe. Everything was fine again.

One Month Later

One month had passed, and Bella and I hadn't said a single word to each other since. She hadn't said a single word to any Cullen at last. It was heartbreaking for me to sit next to her in Biology every day, without kissing her. Without talking to her. Hell, I would give anything for her to just acknowledge me sitting there. But she had this facade. As a wall protecting her from me. Not allowing a single crack. Not allowing a single glimpse of what we had slipped through. It was pure agony.

The one thing that made it slightly better was the fact that Alice went through the same thing. Seeing Bella every day without her acknowledging us was hard. Alice´s anger towards my decision rose every day until desperation took over. But the worst was seeing Alice´s sadness and despair, for the friend she once had and now lost. We had to remind ourselves that this little separation was what Bella wanted. And as one of us could not take it anymore and wanted to go to Bella, begging her to forgive us, the other quickly ´helped´ and forbade it. We were all in this together. As we would go through this together.

Luckily for us, we were gifted. Alice could see glimpses of Bella´s future which she hid for me to allow Bella some privacy. And I could hear her friends' thoughts, to see what Bella was up to these days. Every once in a while, the three of them -Bella, Jessica and Angela- would do something fun, just for them. I´ve heard stories about visiting Port Angeles for some shopping, staying in on a Saturday to watch some romcoms and even having a little pamper afternoon with facemasks and gossiping. I never knew Bella was into these things, but I was delighted she seemed genuinely happy in those thought-shots.

I could not contain myself, as I was less pleased with the fact she also saw Jacob a lot. I could only see the mental images Jessica and Angela portrayed of them together, and I hoped and prayed that the explicit ones Jessica showed were not true at all. Jacob would sometimes join them, not for the whole afternoon but if Bella was already with him, he would drop her off. Jessica hoped he and Bella would ultimately end up together. I sure hoped not.
I could not shake a gut feeling that all of this waiting was leading up to something bigger. I could only hope it was something positive.

After being released from the hospital, Bella had to be driven to school each day by either Charlie or Jacob considering her minor concussion and the fact she was still grounded. And each day, I hoped Charlie would bring her since that meant she would spend less time with Jacob alone. My jealousy went through the roof each time I saw them together.

Luckily, on a cloudy Friday morning, I saw her bright red truck again. She was driving. She was alone. Meaning her head was fine and she was not grounded anymore. I was relieved. She gathered her things and followed to where Jessica and Angela were already standing. They hugged her and excitedly started talking about some party. Wait, what? A party? How come I´ve never heard of this? I focussed myself on their thoughts.

Apparently, Jessica´s parents decided to go on a little romantic trip this weekend. Jessica took the opportunity to invite some friends over. It was all pretty last-minute. Jessica invited Bella and Angela to change clothes at her place tonight, so they could prepare themselves before the other guests would arrive.

´And guess what, my friend Owen from college even takes some alcohol with him. So you know this party's gonna be lit! I´m so happy you guys can stay over at my place, can´t wait,´ Jessica screamed from the parking lot. I didn't even need to concentrate or use my hearing capacities to hear her say that. In her thoughts, I could see she hadn't told her friends about this Owen yet. Angela shook her head at Jessica´s remark about alcohol and Bella just laughed at the both of them, seeing how excited Jessica was and seeing the disapproving shake of Angela´s head.

´And Bella, you have to invite Jake. I know you want to,´ Jessica said with a wink towards Bella. She nodded.

´I will ask him, but I can't make any promises.´

´Amazing! And remember girls, be at my place after school so we can play dress-up. Oh, it's going to be the best party ever!´

´I´m excited about it Jess, really. But tell me, who is this Owen guy you suddenly mentioned. Did you keep a secret from us?´ Bella raised her eyebrows at Jessica. For the first time since I´ve seen Jessica, she was quiet for a solid few seconds. She had realised she had slipped up and her cheeks turned pink. She eventually mumbled;

´Alright, alright. I may have been chatting with him for a few days. I got his number while we were in Port Angeles last week, where he lives.´

´You sneaky one! I can't believe you could keep still about that. Colour me impressed.´ Bella said, delighted. Angela was the more practical one of the group, afraid her friend wasn't talking to some creep.

´Where did you meet him?´ she asked.

´He was outside the diner. You girls still had to pay and I was waiting outside, remember that? We started talking and he gave me his number. I´m really excited to see him again.´ Jessica ended with a shy smile.

´I can imagine. We´ll make sure you look nice,´ Angela said as she smiled at her friend, happy for her to have found someone to be excited for. After they discussed the upcoming party for a few minutes, the bell rang and they hurriedly made their way towards their classroom.

I was so caught up in their conversation, that I hadn't noticed Alice standing next to me. She was also looking in the direction Bella and her friends wandered off to. She made a small coughing sound to grab my attention.

´What´s on your mind?´ she asked me.

´What will happen at that party, Alice?´ I asked in return.

´I won´t tell you, so you better tell me what you´re thinking about right now.´

´Will something bad happen?´

´If it did, I'll promise to tell you.´
She turned around to stand directly in front of me, her hands on her hips.

´So you won't go to that party, remember that!´
And with that little threat, she walked off. I knew she was right. I had to have faith in her.

Bella POV:

´I can´t be wearing that, it's too short.´

I looked at Jessica. She could absolutely not be serious about this. Jessica was holding a glitter tank top in her hand that was way too revealing for my taste, combined with a short skirt. When I agreed I would let her dress us up this afternoon, I did not agree with this. This isn't exactly my style. Jessica only smiled at me, not surprised at my response to her preferred clothes.

´I knew you would say that, but please just try it on.´

I let out a deep breath, as I realised I could not win this discussion. Since we both would be sleeping over at her place tonight, it was in all our best interests to keep Jessica happy right now. And I did say to Jessica she could dress us up, so now I had to take it. Luckily for me, Angela also needed to have a little Jessica approved make-over, so I was not alone in this battle. We were both sitting on Jessica´s bed, as she went through her clothes to find something appropriate for us to wear. She found a black shirt combined with shorts for Angela, meanwhile, I received this glitter top. Great, just great.

´Only for you then,´ I said to her as I stepped out of my own clothes and into hers. I turned around to look at myself in the mirror. Despite all my attempts to wear something a little bit more modest, I had to give Jessica credits where credits were due. I actually did look really great in this outfit. Although it was a bit more revealing than I would have preferred, the clothes hugged my curves in the most flattering way possible. The top showed the swelling of my breasts, which was way sexier than anything I had ever worn before. And the skirt was a bit too short, but it showcased my legs beautifully and made them longer than they are. Damnit, Jessica had good taste.

´Good girl,´ Jessica said with a grin that was almost as big as her whole face.

´Not in these clothes, I´m not,´ I answered.

´Isn't that the whole point? Now let me do your make-up.´

I gave her my make-up bag and she looked at what was in it. She made a very approving sound once she spotted the highlighter and eyeshadow I've purchased in Jacksonville. Make-up items that I hadn't worn before. She guided me to sit still and apply them for me. Next to eyeshadow, she also put on some eyeliner and mascara, making my eyes look very large and seductive. The highlighter matched my top perfectly. Once I was finished with my make-up, she brushed my hair and put some bobby pins in it. I could almost not recognise myself in the mirror. I looked like a way more mature version of myself and I was shocked to see what differences a little bit of make-up could do to my face. Maybe I needed to apply it more often, I thought to myself since I really liked this version of what I´ve become.

After I was finished, Angela received the same treatment only with red lipstick to compliment her black shirt. Jessica spent the most time on herself, as expected, and after she was finally done, the party could officially start.
We walked downstairs to wait for the first guests to arrive. At first, a couple of friends from school arrived. We engaged in some smalltalk for a few minutes, until I heard the doorbell ring. As Jessica was busy serving guest soda, I walked over to the front door. I opened it and saw Jacob standing there. I was relieved, as he said he didn´t know for sure if he could come as he was busy this afternoon. I gave him a hug.

´Jake, come inside. I´m so happy you could come.´

´Don't flatter yourself girl, I'm only here because you promised me booze,´ he said very harshly, but his smile and his tone gave away that he was only joking. I gave him a little slap and he entered Jessica´s house.

´You´re such a teenager.´

´You´re such a boomer.´

´Literally only teenagers use that word.´

´Sue me. Now enough talking, time for drinking.´

´Sorry to disappoint you Jake, but our supplier has not arrived yet,´ I raised my eyebrows at the word supplier to let him know it was a joke. We walked over to Jessica who was looking quite agitated.

´Any word from Owen yet?´ I asked her.

´He'll be there in a minute, I'm sure of it,´ she answered, but she wasn't looking that sure. Luckily Angela was there to save the day, as she put the music on quite loud and we all started dancing to some random 00's pop-song that everyone knew and liked. We did the silliest dances, the ones you could only do when you're surrounded by a group of great friends. We waved our arms in the sky, dropped it like it's hot and we sissy that walk.
After a good few songs, the doorbell rang and Owen eventually showed op with a beer barrel. Jessica´s face lit up as she saw him and she rushed over to greet him.

´Let's get this party started!´ Owen eventually shouted to the group. As if in order, we all put our first to the sky and shouted in return.
´Woooo!!!´

I think I might have drunk too much. Nope, I don't think that. I know that. But I didn't even drink that much, right? I mean, just a few beers, right? Then why is the room spinning like crazy? Why can't I see clearly right now? Everything is so dizzy and fuzzy and… Urgh, I need to sit down. Right now.
Suddenly, I see a glass of water. Water! How lovely. I love water. I need water. Yes, give me some water. I reached for that glass and drank it. Oh, that felt good. The fuzziness in my brain slowly left.
´Bella, you just had a brain injury barely a month ago,´ I heard a disapproving male voice from a distance.
I know, I know. I´m sorry. It was stupid. I should have never drunk beer. Stupid Bella. I looked up at the person that gave me the water

Edward POV:

I promised Alice I would not go to the party. I promised Bella I would leave her alone. And I promised myself that I would do anything in my power to earn Bella´s trust back.
But if Alice never found out, would it still count? And if Bella never found out, would it still count? If I would, let's say, go to a certain party once Alice was feeding herself, would it still count? If let's say, Bella didn't know I was at that certain party, would it still count? No, right? If I didn't tell the rest of my family what my intentions were, and if no one were to ever find out where I was tonight, it wouldn't count, right? Right?

I couldn't think straight. As soon as Alice left, I ran over to Jessica's house before I even understood what I was doing. As I arrived, I hid in the tree in front of her house, making myself invisible in case anyone would look up. I saw Bella's red truck in front of Jessica´s house and I instantly felt relieved. Now, I just needed to concentrate on the thoughts of the people inside the house.

The party was loud and wild. The music that was playing was some summer hit list from the ´00 and I hated it. Empty glasses were on every flat surface and I could smell the penetrating beer odour everywhere. I recognised a few people from school, and a few college students I hadn't noticed before. Most were having a fairly good time. Some students were dancing to the music, waving their arms to the rhythm while rocking their hips to the person behind them. While others were kissing each other. I even saw Jessica kissing a guy, which I recognized as Owen in her previous thoughts. The one person I could not find in everyone's minds was Bella. Panic filled my brain and I searched for her in everyone's thoughts. She had to be here. Someone must have seen her somewhere, right?

As if someone heard my silent prayers, the crowd emerged and there she was. I could finally see her in the minds of the other guests. She was mesmerizingly beautiful. I had to grab the nearest twig to not rush over to her, trying to cover her a little bit with my own jacket. It was irrational, I know, but I did not want others to look at her. Not when she looked like that. She was wearing a short skirt which illustrated her long and curvaceous legs, legs I had never seen without jeans or tights covering them. Her skirt hugged the curves of her hips perfectly. Her tight and very open top was glittering and showed her lustrous cleavage. It was the most naked skin I had ever seen of Bella, and I was lost. Her long brown hair was loosely pinned up a little bit by bobby pins, and the silky soft mane called for me to touch it. Her bambi eyes looked even larger than normal due to a carefully applied layer of brown eyeshadow and mascara. And she even had some glittery substance on her cheekbones. What was that? I didn't know what it was, but it looked so… fascinating?

She was a goddess. She was an absolute goddess. I could not look anywhere else, even if I tried. I was trapped in her spell and I would not have it any other way.
She laughed and all my sorrows disappeared. She then shook her head at someone. Who was she talking to? It took all my strength to see a bigger picture and also focus on the people around Bella. I saw Jacob. Oh, that's just great. He took her hand and led her to the dance floor. Stupid Jacob, Bella didn´t dance. He should for sure know that. But she surprised me as she danced comfortably with Jacob. Their movements are almost identical; hands in the air, shaking their hips from side to side to the rhythm of the music while singing the lyrics of the song they were dancing to. They were laughing at all the silly dance moves they performed and were both so carefree. They enjoyed each other's company and the party in general, I was sure of it. I was in trance and could not look away from her.

Some college student offered Bella a beer and she gladly took it. What was she doing? She was in the hospital barely a month ago? Jacob dancing next to her turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as he took the beer from her hands and drank it himself in one go. That seemed to piss Bella off. They were fighting. She told him he had to mind his own business. He told her drinking would be bad for her right now. I had to give it to this kid; he was indeed right about that. Bella told him she wanted to make her own decisions even if they were bad. Of course, she had my decision of leaving her in her mind when she said that. Jacob felt betrayed by her as he stormed off.

Bella stood there for a moment before she continued to dance. Her movements were a little less wild or carefree, and it was clear she liked dancing with Jacob more than dancing on her own. No one besides me kept an eye on Bella. And no one besides me was watching her right now. So no one besides me saw that some college boy offered her a beer. She hesitated for a second, obviously thinking about what Jacob said, as she shrugged and went for it. She drank her first beer in one go. She then drank her second one. She started dancing again, although she did not look as steady as before with Jacob.

I bit my lip and I contemplated all my options. Stop Bella, please. Don't force me to stop you. If I come down, she immediately recognises me since no one invited me here. She would know I followed her here and she would know I kept an eye on her. She would be so angry at me and Alice would never forgive me. But if I stayed up here, she would drink more and might pass out, or worse. Bella started to walk towards the kitchen. She was already unsteady on her feet. It was agonising to watch, agonizing to see her like this. Agonizing to know that if I helped her, she would be angry at me and if I did not help her, she might hurt herself.

Suddenly, I knew what my best option was. I had to nudge someone to go to the kitchen to help her. But who? And how? If I would just run to the party at my full vampire speed, whisper the words ´Bella´, ´water´ and ´kitchen´ into someone's ear, it could work. Yes, that was my best option. But who could I send into the kitchen?
I had to send Jacob. Damn it. He was the only one who was not occupied. So I ran into the party, whispering into Jacob´s ears the words he needed to hear while running at full speed to not get noticed. It worked, so I could leave again. He started walking towards the kitchen, visually shocked to see what vulnerable state Bella was in. He poured her a glass of water to sober her up a bit, which she gratefully accepted.

´Bella, you just had a brain injury barely a month ago,´ Jacob said disapprovingly to her. She looked up at him, thankful for the water and the company. Since he knew she was sleeping at Jessica's place that night, he put her in bed. Bella isn't that heavy and Jacob is quite strong, so he could carry her with ease, even though she was almost sound asleep already. Once he started undressing her, I had to clench my jaw to prevent myself from barging into that room. Thankfully, he only undid her shoes and put a blanket over her. He watched her from the door opening, silently whispering ´good night´ to her while she was already passed out, and left.

The second he closed the door behind him, I stood next to Bella. She was sleeping peacefully. I carefully put a bit of her hair behind her ear as I smiled to myself. I managed to save the girl of my dreams, as well as stay in the shadows so she would not have to know I did that. I simply hoped her hangover would not be too horrible or cruel to her tomorrow. She turned to her other side in her sleep and I heard her silently mumble my name.

´Edward...´

I hoped and wished she would go on so I had a better understanding of what she was dreaming about, but unfortunately, she did not.

I stayed with her until I heard Angela and Jessica coming upstairs, when I turned away from Bella and ran into my house, where I had to face an outraged Alice who was pissed off at me. That didn't matter to me. Bella dreamt about me and that was all that matters.

Chapter Text

Chapter 15: Biology (again!)

Bella POV:

That Saturday morning, I woke up with the first and therefore the biggest hangover of my life. What the hell, after I´ve only had only one beer? Alright, maybe two beers… But still, it should not have to hurt like this. Someone was banging on my head like it´s a drum. Quiet, please! My throat was too dry, the lightning in the room was too bright and I was too tired to deal with it all. Leave me here alone to rot all by myself, please.

´Wake up, sleepyhead.´

I heard a familiar female voice next to me. Could she shout it even louder? I tried to open my eyes a little bit

´Be quiet,´ I mumbled. ´And is it morning already?´

´Yes, it's morning.´

I recognised the voice as Angela´s. I opened my eyes fully as I saw her reaching out to give me a glass of water and a painkiller. Which I, of course, gladfully took. My head was killing me. After I took the painkiller, I drifted back to restless sleep.

The second time I woke up, I needed to use the toilet. I carefully got up and happily noticed my head wasn't spinning as much as the first time. After I was done, I washed my hands and looked into the mirror. Oh, I looked horrible. My eyeshadow was smudged onto my cheeks and my mascara even managed to reach my forehead. On top of that, I was still wearing last night´s clothes. I was a mess. So I quickly washed my face to remove the old make-up and went back to Jessica's room. I slipped into my casual pyjamas as I smelled someone was cooking bacon. My stomach started growling so I quickly ran downstairs.
Angela was already sitting in the kitchen, eating eggs and bacon while Jessica was cooking a new batch. They were both wearing their casual pyjamas.

´Morning,´ I said as I walked over to them.

´Morning, afternoon. Same thing,´ Jessica said with a bright smile on her face. ´Fancy some eggs?´

´How are you feeling?´ Angela asked me.

´Wait, what time is it?´

´It's 1 P.M. You´ve literally slept more than 12 hours. Now you want some eggs or not?´

´Sorry Jess, but yes. Would love some eggs right now. And to answer the second question; I´m fine, I guess. My hangover was definitely a lot worse before. Can´t believe I´ve slept that much.´

I sat down next to Angela.

´How are you both feeling?´

They both hummed something. Jessica put a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me and I hungrily attacked the plate. Oh, just what I needed. I instantly felt much better. I finished in mere seconds and looked up, to find Jessica and Angela staring at each other.

´What?´ I asked them.

´Well… now that you have, how do you put it? Satisfied your needs. I need to satisfy mine. Owen and I kissed yesterday! IEEE!!´ Jessica screamed, jumping up and down.

´Wow, I didn't even know you could produce such a high note. But congratulations Jessica, tell me everything. Who leaned in to kiss who?´ I smiled encouragingly at her.

´He kissed me. I was totally not expecting it. I mean, have you seen him? God, he's so hot. And the way he kissed me. Girls, I was gone. And his hair, so soft. He had a little stubble, kinda irritated my skin a bit but I didn't care. I was like, give me more, you know? And he already texted me back today so I thought, well, he must have liked it too, right? He really has the cutest freckles I have ever seen, o my God. He's such a cutie. But also such a hot piece of ass, I can´t wait to see him again.´

Jessica kept talking about Owen and I forced myself to smile at her. I hated myself for it but hearing her enthusiasm about Owen made me jealous. I was such a shitty friend! Luckily Jessica didn´t notice, but I did see Angela raising her eyebrows at me. Once Jessica went to the toilet, she asked me about it.

´I´ll ask you again but with a different context this time; how are you feeling?´

´As a horrible friend, since I´m a little bit jealous.´

´Why?´

´Angela, you know why. Can we please just drop it?´ Angela nodded.

Jessica returned and I managed to react more enthusiastically to her remarks about Owen this time. I laughed with her, eagerly squealed with her as she told her story countless times and asked her more about him. I was an awful friend before and that needed to stop. No one deserved my moping ass right now. And I knew exactly why I was so jealous of her. The happiness she felt right now was something I hadn't felt in a long time. That irrational, exciting feeling of love. Feeling like a giggly school girl must be one of the best and one of the worst feelings in the world and quite frankly, I missed it.

During the day, I managed to delete those thoughts out of my head as the girls and I lazily stayed inside and did absolutely nothing. We even ordered pizza before I headed home towards Charlie. He shook his head at my outfit choice because I was still wearing my pyjamas but I couldn't care less. I headed into the shower and started crying. It was irrational. It was stupid. It was insensitive towards Jessica.

But I felt such regret and sadness over Edward. Here I was, feeling jealous of my best friend only because she fell in love. I was the worst friend in the history of friends. And all because of Edward. It was unfair. All I did was love him and he left me in response. Seeing him every day while ignoring him was agony. It was so hard. And it was so unfair that it was this hard. I mean, him leaving me was easy, right?

So I cried. I cried for all the times I had to put this brave facade on. I cried for all the times I had to sit next to him in Biology. And I cried because I felt this damn sad right now.

On Monday morning, I was ready to face another week. The weather was gloomy as expected, my car was slow as expected and Jessica was over the moon, as expected. What I did not expect was our Biology group assignment.

When I entered the Biology classroom, I quietly sat down next to Edward and did not look at him. He ignored me in return. It was the same behaviour we portrayed during these past couple of weeks, as a little routine. Our teacher eagerly started to clap in his hands to get our attention.

´Alright class, are you all ready for a… drumroll please… group assignment!´
The classroom burst out in a booing sound, but it did not startle our teacher as he simply laughed sheepishly. I didn't really like group projects either, but since Biology was my favourite subject, how bad could it really be?

´I know, I know. You all don't like it that much. But hear me out, this assignment will be 50 per cent of your total grade this semester and I've already divided you all into pairs. How does that sound?´

Wait a minute, pairs? I looked around the classroom and saw that everyone was just as shocked as I was. So we couldn't even choose who to work with?! Everyone was shocked about it, everyone except for Edward. Of course, a group assignment did not scare a vampire, but it did scare me. Behave, Bella, I told myself. What are the odds you´re paired up with him anyways?

´Alright, now that I got your full attention, I´ll tell you the pairs. You cannot switch partners or else you fail, do I make myself clear? I don't have time for all your drama. Now after that is settled; Anna Brown is paired with Tom Jones.´
Oh no. Two down, six more to go.

´Brody Taylor is paired with Marco Hernandez.´
Oh no. Four down, four more to go. Please don't pick me and Edward.

´Kim Wit is paired with Nick Jackson.´
Oh no. That meant…

´And lastly, Isabella Swan is paired with Edward Cullen. And remember, these pairs are final. Now that you know who you´re working with, I´ll tell you what the assignment is. So
pay attention please.´

No. No. No. I´m paired with Edward Cullen. Oh, just great!

Edward POV:

If it wasn't so heartbreaking to watch, I would have thought it was quite hilarious to see Bella this agitated. Her hands were trembling, her heartbeat quickened and she nervously looked around the room. It was quite funny to see her react like this, if it weren't she reacted like this because she had to work together with me. She was this upset because of me and that hurts. Meanwhile, for me, this was the best news I could have ever received but it was clear the feeling was not mutual.

She could not pay attention to our teacher to hear what the assignment was about, but she would not need to with me as her partner. It was something bland about cellular aging anyways and since I've already gone to medical school twice, so it would not be that hard.

After he stopped explaining the assignment, I turned my head a bit to look in Bella's direction. She was still avoiding me at all costs.

´Bella,´ I tried to grab her attention but in reality, I enjoyed saying her name and having a reason to talk to her again. She bit her lip before she turned around, her dark brown eyes meeting mine. I saw a flash of sadness, one that was quickly replaced by a bit of anger.

´Edward,´ Bella responded coldly. I was prepared for the harshness in her tone, but it still hurt my aching heart. However, she said my name again and that feeling was heavenly.

´Shall we try to switch partners?´ I asked her, even though I would never want that. However, given her current state, my best guess is that I had to offer it to her, at least. She had to think about it for a second.

´Let's try to be civil and mature, alright. Then I won't see any need for that.´

´Alright. Then we´ll work together. When do you suggest we meet up?´ She looked outside the window, contemplating her next words very carefully. I anticipately waited for her answer.

´I suggest we meet up after school. How does that work for you?´ I eagerly wanted to agree to that but I figured I had to play it cool in order to not scare her away.

´That will be fine. Where shall we meet?´
I figured she would not want to work on this project at her place, given how Charlie would react to it.

´I´d rather not explain this to Charlie, as you can imagine,´ Bella said as expected.

´I understand. So it will either be the cafeteria or my place?´
She looked troubled. I figured going to my place would bring back many unwanted memories for her, but being in the cafeteria wasn't exactly the best option either as it was always crowded.

´I´d also rather not meet up at your place,´ she quietly said with immense sorrow in her eyes. She was thinking about something, and I would give anything to know what she was thinking about. She eventually shook her head, as if she made up her mind about something.

´You know what, let's do it at your place. It will be quieter and we might get more work done that way. I´ll drive behind your car.´

´I can also drive you to our place and let Alice drive your car to your place. And once we´re finished, I'll bring you home,´ I smiled at her, but I was too forward, too eager. I was too hopeful and I ruined it. I wanted too much and she wasn't ready. Her face was ice-cold again.

´I´d rather drive myself, thank you,´ Bella was distant as she stood up and left.

My next lesson was with Alice. She had seen a vision of Bella in our house again and could almost not keep quiet. In her mind, I saw Bella and I sitting at our dinner table with a laptop in between us. It looked so normal and cozy as if the last eight months had not happened. But if the last eight months had not happened, Bella would not sit so far away from me at the dinner table in our house. And if the last eight months had not happened, I would not hear Bella talking to Jessica and Angela a few rooms down the hall right now, that she would be working together with her ex-boyfriend on some stupid Biology project.

´Don´t worry, Bella just needs to vent,´ Alice growled at me so that I was the only one who could hear her.

´You did not see her face, Alice. She was so upset and I felt horrible,´ I growled back at her.

´She agreed to come to our house, right?´

´Yes, she even suggested it.´
Alice looked back at me in surprise.

´What do you mean, she suggested it?´

´She did not want to meet at her place. So only the school´s cafeteria and our place were left. She said she didn't want to meet at our place. But then she had a change of heart and suggested it would be better anyway since it's way quieter. But then I ruined it by proposing to drive her and she got upset and left,´ I quickly said as I relived the short talk Bella and I had.

´Don´t worry, Edward. She suggested coming to our house, so that's good. Just focus on that, okay?´

So I just focussed on that. It was a mantra I had at the back of my mind the whole day. She suggested coming to our house, and that was good.

At the end of the day, I impatiently waited next to my Volvo. She could show up any second. Alice and Jasper already went to our house so Bella and I were alone for the drive. Both in separate cars, but it was the thought that counted.

She came outside the school building, waved goodbye to Jessica and Angela and walked over to me. Jessica shot me angry looks but I was too mesmerized by Bella. She stood still in front of me while nervously playing with her keys.

´I´ll go get my car.´

She turned around to get her car while I also started mine and positioned it in front of her car. She gave me a signal that she was ready to drive off, and we left the parking lot. Driving to my house with Bella driving behind me was something we had never done before. The feeling was surreal. After months, she would enter the Cullen estate again. The last time she was here, her party went horribly wrong and I could not help but wonder what she was thinking about right now.

We arrived. I got outside my car while Bella turned her car off and walked over to me. She was nervous, I could tell her heartbeat was irregular and she had trouble keeping her breathing calm. I opened the front door and guided her towards the kitchen where we could work on our assignment. I felt her body stiffen as she entered the house, probably thinking about her failed birthday party eight months ago. However, she tried to make light conversation to keep her mind from thinking about something else.

´Where is everyone?´

I smiled at her to reassure her that I also heard her second, unasked question (´can we talk about literally anything else other than my failed birthday party?´)

´They are away and giving us some privacy.´

I had to give it to my family, they tried to make this little meeting with Bella as comfortable for her as possible. Even though she was only here because of an assignment, her time here must be pleasant. I bought some snacks for Bella during our lunch break and put them in our fridge, so she could recharge her energy resources whenever she wanted. And every Cullen was away, to give us some privacy and to not overwhelm her with our presence.

´That wasn't completely necessary. I hate to think they cannot be in their own house, because of me.´
She. Was. So. Completely. And. Utterly. Good. How can she still think about our wellbeing after I´ve left her?

´Well, we don't want to get distracted from our work by them, now do we?´ I tried to keep the mood light, as I said so with a smile.

´I suppose,´ Bella answered, her brow slightly furrowed as she thought about my words.

´In that case, we better get started then.´
We managed to work for a good hour until her stomach started growling. I mentally thanked myself for the snacks I had bought. This way, Bella did not have to leave straight away which might have given me a few more minutes with her. She noticed her growling stomach too.

´Alright, I´ll better head out,´ Bella said, already getting up. I wasn't ready for us to separate already.

´Because you're hungry? Esme left some food in the fridge, in case you would like to eat something small now.´
I could not tell her I did that, it would only scare her away more. She started to disagree with that, but her stomach had other plans and started to growl again, way louder this time.

´Alright. Might indeed eat a snack now.´

She walked over to the fridge and opened it. I heard her heart literally skip a beat. I turned around to see why she reacted like that. She still had the door in her hand, unable to react to what she was seeing in front of her. The fridge was packed with food. No, the fridge was packed with Bella's favourite foods. From dark chocolate bars to mangoes. From Gouda cheese to hummus. I wanted her to have some options, but instead of just picking a snack and coming back to the dinner table to work further on our assignment, Bella was quiet. She was more than quiet, it was as if she was afraid to turn away. Afraid the food would magically disappear if she looked away.

´Bella…?´ I asked her.

Then, I noticed a tear welling up in her eye.

Chapter Text

Chapter 16: Esme

Bella POV:

Contain yourself, Bella. You must stop this nonsense, right now, once and for all. The truth is, once I saw all this food, all of my favourite foods combined, I felt such sadness and love crash over me. It was as if I felt Esme´s love for me, through this little act of kindness. The Cullens did not eat normal food, so for Esme to go out of her way and buy all these snacks, just for my appetite, was so heartwarming.
I breathed in and I breathed out to contain myself. I grabbed a banana and sat down next to Edward again. If he had seen the small tear forming in the corner of my eye, he was an absolute gentleman about it and did not mention it.

´So, how is she?´ I tried to shift the topic to Esme. I had missed her so much these past couple of months, as she became a second mother to me in the time I was dating Edward.

´She has missed you tremendously.´ Edward looked intensely at me, his golden eyes fixated on mine as he softly spoke his next words, carefully looking at how I would react to them;

´Just as all of us.´

I felt my heartbeat quicken as he continued to look into my eyes. Damn it, I could not look away. I felt a blush rising on my cheekbones. My breathing became a bit irregular, as I tried to form one single coherent thought in my head. I closed my eyes, I needed to think straight and his look did not help me in the slightest.

´I´ve missed her too,´ I said to him, eyes still closed.

´Would you like to see her tomorrow when we continue working on this project?´ he nervously asked me. I opened my eyes again, surprised by this sudden turn of events. Edward looked questioningly at me, patiently waiting for my response. My own reply surprised me even.

´I would love to,´ I quickly said as I flashed him a big, bright smile. I would truly love to see Esme again.
Edward was taken aback by my quick and enthusiastic response. He had to take a moment to process this, but he could collect himself very easily. He smiled warmly at me.

´She will be very thrilled,´ he assured me.

´Just as much as I, I suppose,´ I grinned. ´It's wonderful I can thank her in person for all that delicious food, you know?´

He looked amused, as if there was a little private joke somewhere I could not quite comprehend.

´There is absolutely no need for that. I'm sure she was happy to help.´

´But still, it feels excellent to see her again. And aren't you normally the one who is appreciative of good manners?´ I jokingly asked him before I started to absolutely hate myself.

I bit my tongue. Hard. What was I doing? Here I was, cracking a joke, all because I would see Esme again tomorrow.

Retreat. Retreat.

´I should get going, I still need to cook for Charlie. Same time tomorrow?´ I quickly jumped up, grabbed my stuff and headed out. Edward closely followed me to the door, to see if

I managed to reach my car safely. In my car, I finally let go of a breath I did not know I was holding.

Chapter Text

Chapter 17: Seeing the Cullens again

Bella POV:

The next day, I was driving behind Edward´s car again. Soon, we would reach the Cullens estate and soon, I would see Esme again. I smiled and looked at the passenger's seat next to me. Since I knew I would thank Esmee properly for the food, I bought a couple of yellow tulips for her on my way to school this morning. The flowers still looked as fresh as they did this morning and I was glad for that. You don't want to show up empty handed, is what I've been taught and I was looking forward to this all day. I smiled.

Despite my initial shock of working on a project with Edward, it wasn't that bad after all. We managed to make an outline for our assignment and I knew we would get a great mark for it in the end. Sitting so close next to Edward also wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. I guess I was used to his presence in a way, although I could never get used to him at the same time. It was a weird feeling, but I always felt comfortable in a way when he was around. So I also felt comfortable during our study sessions.

My smile disappeared. I thought about what Jessica said to me today. After I told them I had to work together with Edward on some project, Jessica flipped out. Both me and Angela had to calm her down a little bit. She made me promise her that if Edward would try anything, I would tell her straight away. As if she could do anything about him! I really had to tell her this was just a school assignment and nothing more. I couldn't help but also feel a little bit annoyed with her remark, as if I could not handle Edward Cullen myself, but I had to remind myself she only had my best interests at heart. She was the mother lion of the group, I suppose. Always trying to protect her little babies.

Speaking of little babies, I would have to call Jake as soon as I arrived home. I still had not thanked him yet for saving me from a hangover last Friday night. I completely forgot, so I might as well drive to his house after I´m done here. But that would have to wait, I thought as I saw Edwards house appear. I smiled again.

I arrived after him and parked my car. I reached out to grab the tulips and my bag, hopped out of my car and walked over to Edward. He looked at the tulips in my hand, offered to carry my bag and we made our way inside the house.

The smell of chocolate filled my nostrils as I walked into the kitchen. There stood Esme, silently humming a song while cleaning up whatever she had previously done in the kitchen. It was a little act; she could clean up an entire house in literally a second, but the sight of her doing this was so calming to me.

´Esme!´ I managed to cry out before I ran over to her, jumping in her open and welcoming arms, the tulips still in my hands.

´Oh Bella,´ Esme whispered in my hair. Her strong arms held me tightly against her frame. I hugged her back, grabbing her as close to me as possible. I closed my eyes and pretended everything was normal again, just for a few seconds. I buried my face in her shoulder, taking in her vampire odeur and enjoyed this little moment maybe more than I should. Esme rubbed my back and I managed to keep a little bit more distance between us.

´I bought you some tulips but I'm afraid they might be a little bit broken now,´ I explained to her. I didn't want to stop hugging Esme but it might be better to stop now. It might hurt more afterwards if I continue.

´You shouldn't have,´ she smiled warmly at me.

´I've wanted to. See it as a little thank you for filling up the fridge with all my favourite foods. I really appreciated it.´
Esme looked behind my back at Edward. I felt I missed something there.

´Well… if you were already pleased with that… What would you say if I told you I just baked a full tray of brownies? They are done in about 30 minutes, so you might already want to start working on your assignment right now. And then maybe catch a break, and we'll catch up over tea and brownies. How does that sound?

´Brilliant,´ I winked at her. Esme left the kitchen so Edward and I could work for a good half an hour. You see, this is why Esme is one of my favourite Cullens. She baked brownies for me, even though she can´t eat them herself. She truly is one of the kindest people I know.

She still left you too, a nagging voice at the back of my mind said. I tried to keep that voice quiet. She was here now, and I would not let my inner saboteur ruin this one pleasant afternoon.

Soon, the oven indicated the brownies were ready. Esme arrived to put them out of the oven and to boil water for tea.

´Edward, go hunt or something,´ she ordered him. ´Leave the house so Bella and I can catch up.´ She turned around to wink at me. Did I mention already Esme could be a little bossy if she absolutely wanted to? Edward showed his displeasure as he growled under his breath.

´And no growling! Leave, now!´

In a second, Edward had left the kitchen and Esme and I were alone.

´Finally. Sorry, that took so long, Bella. Now, we´re finally alone. So tell me, how are you?´ Esme put a piece of brownie for me on a plate and poured some mint tea. She sat down next to me. I took a bite of the brownie and it was delicious. Just as I expected it to be, she was just a great cook.

´Don´t worry Esme. Where is Edward headed to anyways?´

She concentrated on hearing him.

´I hear he is running towards the mountains.´

´Hunting?´

´I suppose.´
Esme kept looking at me. With literally anyone else, it could have been awkward, but not with Esme. With Esme, it meant she understood I did not want to talk about me right now.

´And how are you?´ I asked her instead.

´I´m fine, Bella,´ she smiled sadly. ´Don´t you worry about me. That's my job, I'm supposed to be the one who worries about others.´
She silently reached out to hold my hand and I raised my eyebrows at her.

´What do you mean?´

´Forgive my forwardness, really. It was a slip of the tongue.´

´Is everything alright with your family, Esme?´ Suddenly, I did not want to eat the brownie anymore. Esme´s cryptic response made me frightened there was something wrong with any of the Cullens. ´Just because Edward and I aren't together anymore, doesn't mean I suddenly don't care about you or any other Cullen.´

´It's not like that, I promise you. My family is fine.´ She saw I knew she meant more than that, so she continued.

´I mean that I worry about the choices my family members make and the consequences of those choices. Bella, I am so sorry Edward left you. You have to believe me when I tell you we tried to stop him. Really. But at the same time, he has to make his own mistakes and we need to let him make those. And he has made a huge mistake.´ Esme started trembling as if she would cry. She put her head in her hands. This time, I was the one reaching out to hold her hand.

´It's alright, Esme,´ I tried to soothe her.

´No, it's not. I should have pushed him more into staying, but you know Edward. Once he has something in his head, it's impossible to tell him otherwise. That boy will be the death of me,´ she let out a soft chuckle.

´You are not responsible for Edward, remember that. I'm actually glad he left me,´ I tried to give a bold statement, in order for Esme to listen to me again. She was so lost in her own thoughts, so lost in her own world, that I would try anything to help her snap out of it.

´What do you mean?´

´I always thought I could not live without Edward. My life here in Forks resolved around him. My days started and ended with him. And now I know that I can live with him, just as well as I can live without him. So don't feel sad, Esme. Let it go. The past is in the past.´ I smiled encouragingly at her.

´I´m sorry to be such a buzzkill right now.´

´And you should feel sorry. However, you can make it up to me by giving me another brownie and then we´ll talk about happier topics.´

´Deal. So happier topics; what were you up to these past few months?´ She got up to give me a tea and brownie refill.

´I actually have a few friends now. Do you remember Jessica and Angela from school? They helped me tremendously. We meet up every now and then to just do something fun. Last Friday night, Jessica even threw a party. Alice might´ve already seen it though. Jake also went and thanks to him, I did not have a huge hangover. I still have to thank him for that. And I know, I should not have been drinking with my head injury. Wait, do you know Jake actually? Jacob Black? He is my fathers best friend's son. Anyway, I went to the movies a couple of months ago and we found each other there and we met up when our fathers were fishing ever since. He even wanted to teach me to ride a motorbike. Wait, did you already know I was in a car crash?´
I looked up to see Esme´s amused face. I was rambling like crazy, but I just had so much to tell her.

´Wow, Bella. You´ve certainly been entertained. Now tell me, who is this Jake boy you keep telling me about? Is he someone special? You can tell me, Bella, even though I might be a little bit biased towards Edward.´ Her smile told me she was partly just joking, so I entertained her suggestive question just a bit.

´He is someone special alright, but not how you insinuate it. Esme, And I would have never thought you had such a conflict of interest, shame on you.´

´What can I say, I miss girl talk. Speaking of which, what is that sparkly shadow you have on your cheekbones?´

´It's highlighter.´

Edward POV:

How ironic that the few minutes I had alone with Bella, she would much rather spend those alone with my mother. I ran toward the mountains, where my family was hidden away. We had made a rule with Esme, that if Bella would give us a clue she would like to see any of us, Esme would think it, so I would catch it and Alice would get a vision of it. We needed to follow Bella´s pace, even if it was a much slower pace than Alice and I wanted.
I cancelled Esme´s thoughts in order to give her and Bella as much privacy as possible. In an hour or so, when I would return home, Esme would silently think about Bella's response and one or more Cullens would also return to the house.

´Waiting is agony,´ Alice said right next to me. I nodded in agreement.

´Should we make a bet? I´m betting she only wants to see me, though,´ Emmett said as a way to keep the mood light. Or Emmett said as a way to be Emmett. The truth is I also thought she would want to see Emmett more than any of us right now.

´Don´t be such a child, Em. But I´m also betting on you,´ Rosalie said while giving Emmett a soft push.

´Don't hate the player babe, hate the game.´ He softly kissed her cheek. I had to look away, their affection for each other was a bit too much to handle at this moment.

´Shut up, Emmett.´ I had never seen Alice this frustrated before.

´Relax Allie, I´m just joking. We have to be here for an hour, might as well have a little fun, right?´ Emmett winked at her.

´Well, Emmett. How does this sound for fun; let's indeed make a little wager. How does that sound?´ Alice looked at all of us, and we all eagerly nodded in agreement.

´Excellent. Well; if Bella chooses me, then I want all of you to eat normal food in the cafeteria for a whole week.´ Alice laughed like a villain while we all looked disgusted at her. Eating normal food meant we had to throw it up at home. Normal food was disgusting.

´Luckily, she will not choose you then,´ Emmett responded while Alice tried to push him, hard. ´If Bella chooses me, we will drive my car to school for a whole month. And I know what you will all say, it's too big, it's too obnoxious but you know how I respond to that; I don´t care. That's my wager, end of discussion.´ Emmett crossed his arms in front of him.

´Interesting wager, Emmett,´ Rosalie said. ´However, I´ll have a better one. A wager that benefits us all. If Bella chooses me, I don't want to hear any music in this house, except my own, for two whole weeks. That includes your piano music as well, Edward. No one wants to hear that.´ Rosalie winked at me.

´Oh, that's a good one, Rose. Too bad I've already said my wager,´ Emmett said as he laughed hard. Only Jasper, Carlisle and I had to yet think of a wager. I had to think hard of a good one.

´I have one,´ Carlisle eventually said. ´If Bella chooses me, you all have to annoy Esme. I really want to buy a new car, a Tesla this time, but Esme doesn't want to own another car while we have a few perfectly fine cars already. So if Bella chooses me, make sure I'll get my car.´ He smiled at us all since we all knew he would eventually get that car already.

Jasper quickly followed; ´If Bella chooses me, I want to see each and every one of you dressed up as if you're in a Western movie. For a whole day. You might even say things like ´darlin´ but I would really want to see it.´

´Jasper, if you wanted to see me as a Southern Belle, all you had to do was ask,´ Alice said as she quickly ran into his embrace.

´You? Always, darlin,´ Jasper whispered into her hair.

Alice turned to face me; ´What's your wager, Edward?´

´I will already see her in a few moments.´

´That's not fair, tell us your wager,´ she continued.

´Alright, alright. If she chooses me,´ I let myself enjoy those words a bit, ´then I would actually not want anything at all. I don't need you to do something embarrassing. I actually won't need anything from you. If she chooses me, I've already had the best wager.´

´Laaaame,´ Emmett shouted. ´Totally lame.´

´Shut up, Emmett. I think it´s cute,´ Alice said as she approached me for a hug.

´But I mean, if I have to choose something, I would say you all can wear absolutele buttugly clothes for a whole month. I know that would be hell for Alice,´ I winked at her before I had to duck away because Alice wanted to punch me.
I was happy for this lighthearted chat, as it really eased the tension a bit. I focussed on Esme and Bella and heard they were almost done talking. Esme thought of one name in particular, one name of someone Bella wanted to see again. I looked around to find him.
Emmett recognised my look. He tilted his head in his neck and laughed.

´Suck it losers, she chose me. Sorry, Allie.´
Alice forced a smile, even though she did not want to show it, she was hurt by Bella´s choice.

´Might have better luck next time.´

´Are you ready?´ I asked Emmett.

´Born ready.´
We took off and ran towards the house. A few meters before we entered, Emmett asked me to stop.

´How is she?´

´What do you mean?´

´How is she with Esme? Will she also be mad at me?´
I finally understood it now. Emmett likes to think he's such a tough guy, but we all know he is quite soft on the inside. He was nervous about seeing Bella again. I reassured him.

´She and Esme are having a wonderful time. She will be thrilled to see you again, Emmett. You mean a lot to her.´
That seemed to calm him. We entered the house and I called out for Bella, to let her know we were coming.

´There is someone who would like to see you,´ I said as I entered the kitchen. Bella immediately jumped up and rushed over towards Emmett. She wrapped her arms around him, and he did not know what to do for a solid second. Then, he also wrapped his arms around her.

´Hey there little one,´ he lovingly said.

´Hey there bulky one,´ she annoyingly responded.

´I´m not bulky.´

´Well, I´m not little.´

´To me you are.´

´And to me, you are bulky.´

´I haven't missed you a bit,´ Emmett said as he gave her a quick kiss on her cheek to prove her otherwise.

´Be nice, Emmett,´ Esme said to assure us she took Bella´s side.

´She started it, ma.´ He said as he walked over to the kitchen table. We all sat down.

´Yes Emmett, be nice to me,´ Bella laughed with us. For a good second, everything felt normal again. We had a normal conversation. Emmett asked Bella about the past couple of months. Bella told us she wanted to ride a motorbike but got into an accident. Emmett was shocked, as he also wanted to ride a motorbike somewhere in the future so they bonded over that topic. I sat back and watched my family. I sat back and saw Bella being looser than she was the past couple of weeks. I saw Bella having a good time. And I felt hopeful for the future again.

After half an hour, Bella needed to go home again. I walked with her to her car.

´Esme loved the tulips, although they were completely unnecessary of course,´ I gave her the schoolbag I was holding.

´I wanted to give them. And I loved seeing her again, but we couldn't really work a lot on our project today, I´m sorry.´ She was playing with her car keys.

´I´m happy you had a good time,´ I looked into her eyes, hoping my smile would dazzle her, just as it did before. It was childish, I know, but I hoped I could win her affection back this way. Childish. Stupid. Desperate. Her heartbeat actually quickened.

´I always have a good time here, that's the problem.´ She returned my gaze and I could see the honesty in her eyes.

´Stay still,´ she demanded. As if I could ever deny her anything. She raised her arm and lifted her finger. She put her finger on my cheek, just as I did more than a year ago, only this time the roles were reversed. She placed her finger on my cheek and drew a single line, from my eyebrow to my jaw. It sent shivers down my spine and the warmth of her skin did not only warm mine but also my heart again. I was aching for more. I could smell her on my skin, I needed to feel close to her again. Without permission from my brain, my body reacted on its own. My hand cupped her cheek as I continued to look into her deep brown eyes. Eyes I could drown in. She continued to stroke my cheek, a single gesture that made me crazy. Made me hungry for more. Made me do things I swore I wouldn't do.

Contain yourself, contain yourself, contain yourself. It was a mantra I repeatedly told myself.

Contain yourself, contain yourself, contain yourself. I thought, as I, ever so slightly, closed the distance between both our faces. She copied my movement, her face also came closer to mine.

Contain yourself, contain yourself, contain yourself. I thought as I reached down to kiss her, seeing her stand on her toes to close the distance between us further.

Contain yourself, contain yourself, contain yourself. I thought, as her phone started ringing. She shook her head, saw who was calling her - that Jacob kid- waved to say goodbye to me and sat down in her car to talk with him. The gesture was universal; the day was over, she wanted to talk to him in private and I was dismissed.

Contain yourself, contain yourself, contain yourself.

Chapter Text

Chapter 18: Dating Edward Cullen

Bella POV:

Thank God Jacob called. He had saved me from making a huge mistake. I can´t believe I let Edward get so close to me. Again! What was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn´t. I could not let this happen. Not again. Never again. Protect yourself.

My heart ached. Begged me to get closer to him since my body craved his touch. I wished he could just hold me. I had a sudden urge to turn around, run into his open arms and pretend the past eight months had not happened at all.

My mind quickly put a stop to that. You will not let Edward get this close to you. You will not kiss Edward. He will only hurt you. He will leave you when everything gets too tough for him to handle. You have survived heartbreak once, who says you can survive heartbreak a second time? Don´t test it. Don't let him come too close to you. Protect yourself.

I waved goodbye to Edward and got in my car.

´Hey Jake,´ I answered my phone, aware of my heavy breathing.

´Bells…,’ he started, unsure how to continue. ´I haven't heard anything from you, so I thought; might just call her.´

´Are you at home?´ I instead asked him. ´And if you are, can I come over?´

I heard him breathe out. ´Sure, I´ll see you soon.´

We both hung up and I was pleased with this little distraction. I could go to Jake, tell him all about these horrible days and he would assure me everything would be fine. I was sure of it. I needed my friend more than anything right now. So I drove to his house, singing along with my car radio as I felt more optimistic. Jacob could place everything in the right perspective. I arrived, and he was already sitting outside. He jumped up and walked over to my car.

´Jake,´ I exclaimed as I jumped out. I tried to hug him, but he would not let me. ´What's the matter?´

He avoided my eyes and looked directly at my car. ´I was worried, actually.´

´Worried? For what?´

´I don´t know. Thought Charlie might ground you, again. You know, for drinking this Friday while still having a head injury. And then I didn't hear from you for a few days. So yeah, I was worried.´ He still avoided my eyes, looking sheepishly anywhere except me.

´I can handle Charlie, Jake. Is that why I couldn´t hug you just now?´

´No, that´s not it.´

´Were you pissed I haven't called you?´

He forced a smile and met my eyes. ´Is that very childish of me?´

I looked back at him and saw he was actually hurt by that. ´No, I should have called you to thank you for taking care of me and I'm sorry I haven't. But you wouldn't know what happened at school this week.´

´Alright, I'll bite. What has gotten your panties in a twist?´ He smiled again and I felt immediately at ease.

´So, Monday was just a normal day, right? I received a Biology assignment and now I have to work together with Edward Cullen for who knows how long. It´s horrible. Exes should not have to mix like that,´ I ended with a heavy sight. I looked up and saw Jacob had closed his eyes again. I wondered what was wrong. Had I said something that upset him?

´What´s wrong?´ I asked.

He laughed sarcastically. ´So just to be clear, you haven't called me because of Edward Cullen?´

´I don´t understand, Jake. What does Edward have to do with this? I´m sorry I haven´t called you, but you could have called me if you were so worried for my safety.´ I started to get annoyed at this. Truly, what did Jacob mean by any of this? He acted as if he was a jealous boyfriend, it was utterly absurd.

´I just had a bad day, Bells. And it slightly bothers me you completely forgot about me the moment you did something with Edward. But I apologise, I should not have acted this way. We´ll talk later, alright?´ He turned around, ready to walk back into his house.

I don't know what came over me. Flashes of Edward leaving me came to mind. When Edward left, I was angry and betrayed. I acted on impulses then, knowing I was mad at that moment and needed to keep the conversation in control. And I´m still angry when I think about it, especially now I know his reasoning behind it. He wanted to protect me and he still loves me. The second time Edward and I talked about this, I still needed to keep the conversation in control.

But now, I´m afraid Jake will leave me as well and that I have no control over it. I was shocked and afraid that this would be the last time I would ever see him. And even though my mind registered his words that we would talk later, my body reacted on her own. I could not let Jake leave me. I needed him. So my arm reached out and grabbed his. I made him stop in his motions. He turned around, surprised by my sudden devotion. His brow creased when he saw the desperation in my eyes. His lips slightly parted, as if he was ready to say something to me again.

And I grabbed his shirt with both my hands and tucked at it, hard. I had to stand on my toes and moved my face towards him. I inched closer to his face, hoping I would not make a mistake right now. Before he could understand what was going on, I quickly pressed my lips against his.

Kissing Jacob was definitely different from kissing Edward. For starters, Jacob was warm while Edward was cold. The coldness of Edward´s skin was never a problem to me, but it felt weird to kiss someone with warm lips, a warm breath and maybe also a warm tongue. Next to that, the kisses Edward and I shared were always full of love. Each kiss between us was a promise, a silent guarantee that we loved each other and would stay with each other. Kissing Jacob was a desperate measure. I kissed him as a silent plea. A desperate woman doing desperate deeds. Please don´t leave me, I´m begging you. I opened my lips slightly, hoping we could deepen this kiss. My tongue made its way to Jacob´s lips, trying to softly open them. But lastly, what really differed between kissing Edward and kissing Jacob, was the fact that Edward loved it and Jacob hated it. Edward wanted to deepen our kisses while those could potentially hurt me and Jacob wanted to stop kissing me altogether while his touch did no harm to me. Oh, the irony.
He removed his mouth from mine, tried to look into my eyes that could answer his unspoken questions, but he must have seen that tears started to form in them, as a result of him pulling away.

´Jake, please,´ I whispered.

´What's wrong, Bells?´ He wiped the tears away.

´Please don´t leave me.´ I must have looked desperate.

´I´m not going anywhere,´ he tried to assure me, but my body reacted differently as I started crying. He took me into his strong arms and started to rub my back as he shushed me.

´But… We were fighting… And you were angry at me,´ I hoped he could understand me through all of my sobbings.

´I wasn't going to leave you, silly. You are my best friend,´ he kissed the top of my head. ´Could you explain why you kissed me, though?´

´I was afraid you would leave,´ I looked up to meet his eyes. I wanted him to know for sure what my reasoning behind my actions was.

´You thought kissing me would make me stay?´ he asked. Knowing he was right, hurt. I had no other motive for it and reacted to my impulses. That was weird. And it wasn't fair to him at all.

´I´m so sorry,´ I said as I composed myself. I was making a fool of myself, and it wouldn't be the first time.

´Bells, Bells, Bells. You´ll be the death of me. I´m not mad at you but I would prefer it if you would not kiss me again. Alright? I was just a bit annoyed before, nothing more.´ He kissed the top of my head again.

´Are we alright?´ I asked him, afraid that I had ruined our friendship to the point of no return.

´Always.´

Edward POV:

Alice had closed her mind off again, so something must be wrong. Something had happened that she did not want me to see. I hoped it wouldn't be too horrible. Wednesday was already horrible as it is since we could not drive my silver Volvo but instead had to drive Emmett´s black Hummer. It was such an obnoxious car and I disliked it a lot.

I spent my day listening to the thoughts of Bella´s friends and teachers, to see what she was up to. It seemed she was closed off for some reason, deeply lost in thought. I was wondering what that was all about. Was she thinking about the kiss that almost happened between us yesterday? Or did something happen at Jacob's house she wasn't pleased with? I was wondering why she needed to go see him yesterday.

Jealousy showed its ugly green face again, making me second guess everything that had happened between us. Bella and I were getting closer, I could feel it. At the same time, why was she in such a rush to get to Jacob´s house? I had no reason to wonder, after all; she could visit him whenever she pleases, but I still let my mind wander. Was there something between them I hadn't seen before? Why did Alice close her mind off to me?

Lunch break came, and Jasper had to use his powers to calm my anxious thoughts. I was relieved for that quiet moment of peace in my brain. Unfortunately, it didn't last long. I heard Jessica talking to Bella, and the subject caught my attention.

´So, you have been quiet all day. Going on a little date tonight?´ she asked warmly. If I wasn't so distressed about what had happened yesterday, I could have used my mind-reading powers. And if I had used my mind-reading powers, I could have heard Jessica´s thoughts. And if I heard those thoughts, I could have known Bella occasionally went on dates with herself. It was something she started doing after we left Forks. She went on dates as a little gift to herself, because she wanted to treat herself every now and then. However, I did not look into Jessica's thoughts. I saw red and was angry. So this is what Alice tried to keep from me. Bella went on a date tonight. This must be it.

´Well, I suppose. Now that you mention it, I´m actually quite in the mood for it. If I leave right after I'm done at the Cullens, I can still watch that new Batman movie.´

´That actor is so hot,´ Jessica dreamingly sighed. I could not take this anymore. Fury took over that surprised Jasper, who could feel it.

´Easy there, Edward.´

´Is this what you´re hiding from me, Alice?´ I bitterly said.

´Relax now, will you? Think about yesterday. You´ve said so yourself that you´ve felt closer to her yesterday than you did all the months before. Just focus on that,´ Alice tried to calm me as well.

´How can I relax now?´ I snapped at both of them. Jasper used his powers again, a bit harder this time. That was good, I needed that. And I needed that for the whole day.

Once school was over, Bella and I continued our little routine. I drove in Emmett´s Hummer to our house and she was following me. This Biology assignment was truly a blessing. She did not ask why I was driving another car, though I doubted she was even interested in it anyway. Her mind was somewhere else and I hoped and craved it was somewhere with me. I felt possessive. This day made me feel emotions I had never felt before, ever. I was already jealous before in regards to Bella, but never to this extent. It was selfish of me since I knew I had no right to feel those feelings, but I still felt them. It was a craving, a craving to be the only man in her life and it made me sick to think of her going on a date with someone else instead of me. I was acting as a controlling prick and I knew I had absolutely no right to act as one. If I acted on these feelings, I would for sure lose any chance I might have with Bella and I could not risk it. The stakes were simply too high.

So I instead focussed on the woman who was sitting next to me. I concentrated on the task we had to fill in for Biology. Esme eventually also showed up, preparing some tea for Bella and another brownie. Her thoughts asked me why we were both so quiet but I did not want to answer her. Why Bella was this quiet, I had to idea. And I was quiet because my mind could not ease my emotions. We simply concentrated on our homework.

After one hour, we finished and Bella would leave. To her date. I felt sick to my stomach as I watched her drive away.

´What was that? I thought we had a great time yesterday?´ Esme asked as she stood next to me, waving Bella´s car goodbye.

´Yesterday was amazing, but today she´s going on a date,´ I answered truthfully. No need to lie to Esme.

´I see, and you´re jealous,´ she said as a matter of factly. She turned to face me.

´Before you go off on me, I know I have no reason for that. I´m not her boyfriend and she can date whoever she wants. I know that.´

She took my hand in hers. ´I wasn't even going to say that. Being jealous is a normal thing, Edward. You don't have to feel embarrassed about it. But the real question is; what are you going to do about it?´

I turned to face Esme. ´What do you mean?´

´She knows you love her, you´ve told her that before. And I can see you still dazzle her. I mean; you can hear her heartbeat when she's around you, right? She still holds you very dear to her heart, even if you don´t believe that. So, how are you going to act right now?´

I thought about it for a moment. ´Do you mean I have to crash their date?´

Esme angrily nudged me with her elbow. ´That's absolutely not what I meant. Haven´t I taught you any manners? No Edward, you need to woo her. You need to pursue her. Date her! You left her. We all did. And she could easily forgive me and Emmett because she doesn't hold a grudge against us. You and Alice need to step up your game now. I mean, she comes to our house regularly. So, now you can turn up the pace. Woo her. Make her trust you again. Stay with her and support her. That's what she needs right now.´

I let Esme´s words sink in for a moment. She was right, I needed to charm her right now. We were friendly at the moment and we haven't been for a few weeks, so now was the perfect time to step up my game. I wanted to thank Esme for her wise words when I heard Alice call me.

´Edward?´

´I´m outside with Esme,´ I answered her.

´Bella is alone at the movie theatre right now. Shall we go there?´

I was overjoyed and offended at the same time. Overjoyed because she was alone and was apparently stood up. Offended, because who in his right mind would stand up Bella? I looked at Esme who was obviously disappointed in us. Then, I looked at Alice who was beaming, ready to take the fastest car we own and accompany Bella to the movies. It was a battle between what was best for the short term versus what was best in the long run. If Bella saw us, she would know she spied on her and she would be mad. But, we could also pretend we wanted to watch this blockbuster. It was kind of ironic; vampires watching a Batman movie. And if she didn´t see us, we would have two hours to watch her. And since I hadn't watched her sleep in months, the only time I could see her was at school. And that time was scarce.

´Let´s go,´ I told Alice. I wanted to see her and that feeling won overall rational thoughts.

We took Alice´s yellow Cabrio and went to the movie theatre. The movie had already started once we bought the tickets. We sat at the back, and my eyes found Bella immediately. She was sitting in the front row with a bucket of popcorn on her lap. Much to my pleasure, it seems as if she enjoyed herself even though she had no date. Her scent was overpowering, the freesia smell lingered on my nostrils and I welcomed the pleasant feeling. Even if I had seen her a couple of minutes ago, all of me had missed her. I felt whole again, even if I was sitting a couple of meters away from her. Rosalie was right, it was pathetic. But I couldn't care less.

I looked at Alice, whose expression had matched mine. I knew she had also missed Bella tremendously. I had the pleasure of talking with Bella about our assignment but Alice had nothing. Bella and I were together in some classes and even sat next to each other in Biology, but Alice did not have that. She had missed her best friend and she could not do anything about it. So this little trip, even if it is as sneaky as it can get, was wonderful to us.

Obviously, we paid zero attention to the movies. We were only watching Bella. We were fascinated by the woman sitting in the front row who was enjoying herself.

The woman was clumsy and let her popcorn fall to the floor.
The woman bent over to pick popcorn up from the floor.
The woman who mindlessly looked behind her.
The woman who caught my eyes and recognised me.
The woman was now furious.

´Shit,´ I heard Alice hiss next to me. Oh shit, if Alice starts to curse, you know the future will turn out horrible. She looked at me and I could clearly see the panic in her eyes. Oh no.

Bella stood up and quickly left the theatre. We followed her. Her pace screamed how angry she was, her shoulders were tense and her heartbeat quickened. I could smell the adrenaline in her blood. She walked straight towards her car before she turned around to face us. I don't think I had ever seen her this angry before, and I don't think I was ever this mesmerized by someone´s fury. Bella´s always so warm and kind, so collected and aware of everyone's thoughts and feelings, seeing her this outraged was something completely else.

´What are you both doing here?´ she demanded.

´We´re sorry, Bella,´ Alice pleaded.

´I´ve already heard that one. Now tell me, what exactly are you both doing here?´

´We can't really explain it…,´ I tried to explain to her.

´You better damn well try,´ she quickly responded before I could finish my sentence.

´Bella…,´ Alice began to cry. ´It's my fault. I just missed you so much. I haven't seen you in so long and I´m so sorry. I needed to see you. I had a vision you would be alone here tonight and I just… I hoped. I hoped I could find you here. I hoped you wouldn't see me and if you did, I just hoped you wanted to talk to me again. I´m so sorry, Bella. I was desperate. I´m so sorry.´ Alice bowed her head, whispering over and over how sorry she was. I had never seen her this devastated before.
Bella took a few deep breaths to control her anger. It did not work. ´So first you all leave, and now you follow me? Is that how we´ll be communicating from now on? Nothing versus smothering? Is that it?´

´I´m so sorry for leaving you, Bella. That was all my fault, I take the blame for that. I don't want to overwhelm you. It was unnecessary coming here, it was a mistake. But we never meant to smother you,´ I followed.

Bella returned her gaze towards mine. She looked so fragile, so heartbroken, so hurt. ´Do you have any idea of how much that has hurt me?´ she asked me, voice trembling. ´Do you have any idea of the pain you've put me through because of that? I'm still scared that the people around me will leave me someday, because of you. Do you have any idea of what you´ve done to me?´

I looked at her, returned her gaze and spoke as truthfully as I could and I hoped she could see it. ´I´m so sorry Bella. I know that doesn´t make anything right and I know my words mean nothing to you, but it's the truth. I should have never left. I should have talked to you about my concerns since it both concerned your future and mine. I should have never made that choice by myself. It was the worst decision I have ever made and I regret it every single second of every single day.´

She looked almost manic. She was panting, trying to suppress her emotions. I didn´t know if I could hold her or maintain my distance. She looked so broken, it scared me.

´Leaving me was so easy for you,´ Bella eventually managed to bring out. ´Why is it so hard for me to get over you in return? That isn't fair.´

´On the contrary, it was the hardest thing I had ever done. It killed me. I could only do it because I was thinking about your future. And how happy you would have been without me in your life. While for me, Bella, I´d rather live a miserable life without you in it, but you would be happy than to bring you in any danger. I would never forgive myself if I let something happen to you. It would kill me.´ I took a step forward in her direction. She was shaking and I wanted to offer her my jacket in case she was partially shaking due to the cold.

´Why did you only come when I was in the hospital? Why did it take you all those months to come back to me?´ she asked while declining my jacket. Still as stubborn as ever.

´I would return to you any day. I was… done. I was done staying away from you, I couldn't do it anymore. And then Alice had a vision, and I thought I would be too late. That I could never see you again. That I could never tell you again how much I love you and much you've changed my existence. It was torture, thinking I was too late.´ I shrugged, thinking back to that day. I was already in a desperate need to return to Forks again and that vision made it a billion times worse.

´And why did you never reached out to me?´ she asked Alice.

´Believe me, Bella. I've wanted to. I begged Edward to please not leave. I could see how it would affect you all. It was horrendous to watch. I begged Edward, but he thought he was doing the right thing. That he was never supposed to be close to you to begin with. And he is my brother, I have to respect his wishes. And he wished we left you alone so we did. Or at least, we tried. But I've wanted to call you, every single day, you have to believe me.´

Bella started to fully cry now. Her silent sobs came in waves, breaking my heart any further with each exhale of her breath. ´I don't know what to believe. I want to believe you both, I really do. But I'm scared. And I´m afraid you will all leave again. I´m still human. I fall, I trip, I stumble, that's just what I do. If I won´t cut my finger today, I will fall tomorrow and get a cut in my knee. Think about that. I also miss you all, so much, but I can´t handle you leaving me again. I can´t. I really can't. I´m so sorry.´

She got into her car. I was frozen in place. I could not let her leave, not in the state she was currently in. She could get into another car accident. I rushed over to her side, asking her to open the window which she hesitantly did.

´Please, let me drive you. I´m begging you.´

She watched in awe, unsure what to do. Eventually, she gave in.

´Fine, hop on in.´

Chapter Text

Chapter 19: An Awkward Car Ride

Bella POV:

Truth to be told; Edward driving me home was probably for the best since I was way too agitated to drive myself. I got out of my car, walked over to the passenger's seat while he sat down in the driver's seat. He drove away, and that little act alone made me think of our better times together. He often drove, because he was simply a way better driver than I could ever be. It was something we often made fun of.

Who would have thought we would end up like this? I had always thought we were good together, but apparently, he had some demons on his own. I would have never known if it weren't for my birthday party. The strange thing is that a part of me just could not comprehend why he left me. A part of me always wondered if there was something I had done that had pushed him over the edge, somehow. And if it was something that could have been prevented. I often blamed myself for it.

And then he showed up in the hospital. When he told me the reason for leaving me, I could not believe him just yet. It was contradicting everything I thought was true. But now, seeing how upset both he and Alice were, the seed of doubt in my head slowly started to disappear. It wasn't completely gone and I had not forgiven him for leaving me, but being here must mean something, right?

I became a lot calmer. I could practically feel my heart beating calmer than before, so he must have also heard it. I turned to face him. He kept looking at the road, and I was wondering if he was afraid to say something that might upset me further. I tried to speak but I didn't know what I had to say to him. ´Edward…,´ I eventually tried.

´Yes, Bella,´ he said, still avoiding my eyes and keeping track of the road in front of us. As if he needed to do that.

I inhaled deeply to prepare myself for what I was about to do next. I didn´t know if it was the best option, but I also knew that I wanted to do it. ´I just wanted to apologize for the way I´ve been behaving towards you and Alice. I made a mistake yesterday and I feel guilty about it. So I was having an off day today and I only wanted to go to the movies to enjoy myself a bit. Then, I saw the both of you sitting there and I just snapped. I saw red, so to say. So I want to apologize for that. It wasn't completely fair to the both of you.´

I smiled at him, assuring him I truly meant it. It was a little olive branch, to show him I kind of understood their reasoning for following me. I mean; they were still in the wrong for following me to the movies and they should have never done so, but I could get behind their reasoning for it. Still wrong, but I understood.

Edward closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. ´Bella, you don't have any reason for apologising to us. We made a mistake coming here.´

I nodded. ´You sure did. It was a mistake following me here and you should have never done so. But now, I can see your reasoning behind it. It was still wrong though.´

´You should not have to say sorry for being angry at it.´ He finally turned to look at me. I wasn't shaken by the fact he stopped watching the road now, but I was shaken at how he looked at me. He looked almost angry. His brow was creased, his eyes a dark ember.

´What´s wrong?´ I gasped in surprise.

´Bella, you have no reason for apologizing to me or Alice. We were in the wrong. Your reaction to us was perfectly normal. You should be outraged, you have every reason to. We disrespected your wishes to be left alone by us, only because we wanted to watch you in secret for an hour because we've missed you. That's sick. Absolutely sick on our part. So I don't want to hear you asking for forgiveness anymore.´ The fire in his eyes could have easily scared me away if it weren't for the fact that I knew him and his facial expressions from the back of my mind. He was angry at himself.

´I never said I condone your actions. You should have never followed me here. However, I can see your point now. I saw how upset both you and Alice were and even though we aren't exactly on speaking terms right now, seeing you both upset is hard for me to watch. I don't want to upset you both.´ I kept looking directly at him. He needed to hear this. ´I was harsh to the both of you. Did I have the right reasons for that? Absolutely. Did I want that? No!´

Edward turned away from me. He continued to stare at the road while his fists were grabbing the steering wheel very tightly. I also turned away from him, my hands in my lap, my thoughts going in circles. Why did this upset him so much? We arrived in Forks and we would soon arrive at my house. Thank God, Charlie wanted to meet with Billy today, I did not want to explain this to him just yet. This also meant I had a few more minutes alone with Edward and I did not want us to part ways.

´Why?´ Edward mumbled softly, afraid.

´Why what?´ I truly had no idea what he meant.

´Why didn't you want to upset us? You had every right to scream at us, to be angry at us, to cuss us out. I just don't understand why you don't do that,´ he pleaded.

I looked outside the window, not able to look at him while I said. ´I just told you. Even though I´m angry at the both of you, I don't want to see you upset. You both mean too much to me to just hurt you on purpose.´ I closed my eyes again to gain some courage to turn to him again and when I did, he had an unreadable expression on his face. I saw shock, devotion, sadness, realisation, love, regret and wonder, all melted into one.

´You also mean a lot to us,´ he said and I knew he spoke the truth. Finally, I knew for sure. I did mean a lot to them. For the longest time, I thought I didn't but now I knew with absolute certainty. The realisation of that fact made me even want to crack a little joke.

´I figured. You wouldn't just spy on just anyone. I have to be quite special for you.´ Again, I smiled at him, hoping he would return it. Come on, the hard part of this conversation is now over, I thought to myself.

He was flabbergasted at my joke before he returned my smile. ´You know you are.´

He pulled over and I saw we arrived at my house. He was such a fast driver, I could never get used to it. The darkness made me brave and I was happy we were finally laying all our cards open. Even though he could see me perfectly fine, the fact that I felt a little bit hidden in the darkness made me courageous.

´You know, for the longest time, I´d doubted that. When you left, I figured your feelings must have been less than mine, and therefore you could walk away that easily. And I had thought that for the past couple of months. Even when you showed up at the hospital and told me all of that, it was a complete contradiction to what I was telling myself. You could even sit right next to me in Biology, without even acknowledging me. While for me, that was pure torture. And for some reason, seeing you and Alice this upset tonight... It made me realise that you are, in fact, upset.´ I didn't know why I was so brave tonight, but I hoped that laying all our cards on the table would make everything a bit less awkward between us.

Edward must have heard my heartbeat quicken. He turned to face me, his eyes full of pain, looking for forgiveness but also something else. I saw a spark of hope in them.

´I have always loved you, Bella. And I will always love you. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life and walking away from you was torture. And believe me, sitting next to you in Biology and not talking to you has also been torture for me. I´ve missed you. I´ve missed you so much. And I´m so sorry you´ve felt that way for so long. I hate to think you´ve doubted my love for you. Do you think you can ever forgive me for that? Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?´ Edward was pleading, begging me to forgive him.

I looked at him and I finally felt at ease. I was ready to forgive him. I wanted to let go of my anger, hurt and desire for vengeance. It has affected me and other relationships I had for far too long. He made a mistake and he knows it. What he did was not okay and we have more issues to work on, but for now, I was definitely ready to forgive him. We couldn't just go back to where we were before he left. We might never go back to that, but I was sure we could figure something out. I wanted to move on from my anger and I wanted to forgive him. Him and Alice.

It was as if a huge weight suddenly fell from my shoulders. I smiled encouragingly at him. ´Yes, Edward. Yes, I forgive you. Both you and Alice.´
Edward could not believe it at first. He looked at me in shock until he noticed my smile. My eyes spoke nothing but the truth and he saw it. He grinned. His muscles visibly looked a lot less tense. His eyes sparkled in a way I hadn't seen in such a long time. This was my Edward. He looked at ease, he looked relaxed. He looked as if he could conquer the world.

´Really?´ He asked, still not sure of it.

I rolled my eyes at him but I made sure he knew it was just a joke.

´Yes.´

´Bella, that´s… That´s… Absolutely wonderful.´ He reached out, wanted to grab my hands but I wasn't ready for that. That surprised him a bit. ´I will promise you this, Bella. I will earn back your trust somehow. You have my word.´ He stared at me and I wasn't sure how to answer that statement.

I just laughed at him. ´I have no doubt you will, but for now, I would like to stay friends for a while. I mean, we´ve recently started talking again... I don't want to rush things. Hope you can understand that.´

That seemed to be the right answer. ´Of course, Bella. Forgive my forwardness just before. I would love to be your friend,´ he assured me and I was relieved. A little bit disappointed he was okay with being just friends, not gonna lie, but mostly relieved.

´And I would love to be yours. And Alice´s. Believe me, I have also missed you all tremendously.´ I almost couldn't wait to see Alice again tomorrow at school and to talk to her like we had done before. I had missed her.

´I don't want to be too nosy, but as a friend, I can maybe ask you. I couldn't help but notice you´ve made some new friends while we were away?´ Edward asked, trying to keep his face in check.

´You little snoop,´ I playfully called him out on it. He even had the decency to look ashamed of it. ´But to answer your question, yes, I´m a lot closer with Jessica and Angela now. And I'm now friends with Jacob Black, my father's best friend´s son. We hung out all the time.´ Mentioning Jacob brought back a few unpleasant memories from yesterday, but I tried to suppress them. ´Jessica even had a little party last Friday night,´ I elaborated. I smiled just thinking about it.

Edward returned my smile. ´Not a wild party with alcohol, I suppose?´ I felt a blush creeping up, thinking of how I misbehaved that night.

Edward snorted quite loudly in response. I looked up to see what was that funny to him, but it seemed as if there was something I'd missed. Must be a private joke or something.

´Maybe it was. Nonetheless, I had fun.´

´I´m happy you did. It's important to have a little fun every now and then.´

´Are you still being this cryptic? Thought that would change over time?´ I tried to joke with him.

Edward was fully in his element, knowing very well how I could mock him being cryptic all the time. ´That's my secret to dazzle you,´ he winked at me.

I rolled my eyes at him. ´As if you don´t dazzle me enough.´

´Miss Swan, are you flirting with me?´

Luckily, he grinned so I knew we were just bantering a bit back and forth. I responded equally lighthearted. ´Only if it's working.´

´With you? It's always working. But don´t worry, we´re friends now. I´ll promise you that,´ Edward said.

There it was again, a little bit of disappointment. Damn it. ´Our daily Biology sessions certainly became a lot more interesting.´

´Wait until Alice knows about this. Luckily, we´re already on the right track with the assignment so I can spare you a few hours, otherwise, we would have had a problem timewise,´ Edward laughed.

´I can imagine I'll only be drinking tea and eating everything from your fridge the next few days then?´ I asked, thinking how enthusiastic Alice would respond to us being friends again. Oh yes, we would not have any time to study. Definitely not.

´Don´t worry, Bella. I´ll make sure the fridge is fully stocked again.´ Edward said until he quickly realised his mistake.

´Again? I thought you´ve said Esme filled it?´ I caught his little white lie.

´If I'm being honest, I did it. I´m sorry, Bella. I knew you would be coming over and I wanted you to be as comfortable as possible.´ He explained to me. I had no reason to be angry since this is typically Edward, always looking out for me.

´You don't have to apologize. I appreciate it, really. Thank you so much,´ I assured him. That seemed to soothe him as he was relaxed again.

´I´m glad, Bella. And as much fun I had tonight, we have to end it here. Charlie will be home in a few minutes so I better leave.´

I was disappointed the night had to end, but I was happy with this turn of events. I smiled Edward goodbye before he ran towards his house. The night was definitely better than expected.

Chapter Text

Chapter 20: She kissed Jacob?

Edward POV:

I did not want to leave Bella, but I heard Charlie´s car and I just knew she didn't want to explain this to him just yet. So I ran back to my house, telling myself that patience is key. Hopefully, someday she would allow me back into her house. Until that day I would happily be her friend. She had let me back into her life, which was already more than I deserved. I did not need to push my luck any further.

I pinched myself, to assure the last thirty minutes really happened. Bella kept surprising me, over and over, even now. When she apologized for being angry, I didn't know what I heard. I was almost angry at her; why didn't she scream at us, why didn't she throw a rock at our heads, even though it would do no damage, the message would be perfectly clear. Why did she apologise?

Because she did not want to upset us, that's why. She did not want to hurt our feelings. It hurt to hear her say that, even after everything I´ve put her through, she did not want to hurt me on purpose because she cared too much. Even though I had damaged her self esteem, she did not want to hurt me. It unleashed a feeling of hope within me. When she forgave me, I saw she truly meant it. I wasn't ready to forgive myself for it just yet, but knowing she was ready would already be enough. And even though I could not hold her hand and she wanted to stay just friends, that was enough. I will earn her trust back someday, somehow. She had rightfully guided her heart and I needed to show her she could trust me. Esme was right about that.

And I would love to be her friend for now. Alice would for sure freak out. Being her friend, I was allowed back into her life and it meant the world to me.
For a moment, I was afraid I pushed my luck a bit too much when I asked her about her other friends. I figured it wasn't a hard conversation topic and I did not want the night to end just yet. So I might as well engage in some small talk with her. And hearing her say she had gotten closer to Jessica and Angela warmed my heart, as I saw how fondly she spoke of them. I was happy she had found some companionship with them. However, hearing her talk about that Jacob Black kid gave me a little familiar stab in my stomach, one I had to get used to. I saw she flinched a little bit when she was mentioning Jacobs name, so I couldn't help but wonder if they were in a fight recently.

She also mentioned the party Jessica had thrown last Friday night, and my face revealed how funny I thought it was. She could not hide her embarrassment when I asked her about the alcohol at that said party. She didn't know I was keeping an eye on her and would never tell her, she would for sure freak out about it.

She joked about me being cryptic and I was happy about that topic. I pushed my luck just a little bit too much, trying to flirt with her but keeping it low key. She returned it since it was similar to how she would always talk with Emmett. Light and jokingly. I had to slow myself down, afraid that if I pushed too much, she would run.

She then talked about coming over to our house in the next upcoming days. We would certainly get no work done, but that didn't matter. It would be wonderful to have her over as a friend, knowing she would stay, talk and eat, just as she did before we all left. I slipped up and told her I would make sure the fridge would be constantly full and I could slap myself for that. This was it. I pushed it too far. Again. This was the moment she would demand me to leave. She would think I was some kind of creep and I ruined it, just mere minutes after becoming her friend. Over and over again, I neglected her boundaries.

And then, she surprised me once more, making sure I knew she appreciated it. I could thank all the Gods that are out there for her response. Unfortunately, that's when I heard Charlie's car coming our way and told Bella our night had to end here.

I almost arrived back at my home, when I saw a small pixie running towards me. Her short, black hair was a bit wild, and I'm guessing she ran her hands through it a few times this past hour. She was agitated, happy, afraid, but Alice mostly craved my hug. She ran into my arms and I held her close to me.

´She forgave us, Alice.´ I whispered in her hair, even though I knew she must have seen it in her visions.

´I can't believe it,´ she silently sobbed. I rubbed her back.

´Me neither. You had to see her, Alice. She really forgave us, I could see it in her eyes. And she even apologized for hurting our feelings too much, can you believe it? She's truly amazing,´ I ended with a sigh.

Alice released herself from our hug. ´Let's go inside now. The rest of the family had a hard time dealing with me seeing multiple possible endings of how the night would end.´

We silently walked inside the house. Jasper was already sitting on the carpet and Alice sat down next to him. He wrapped his arms around her while they both turned to me, waiting for what I´ll tell them. Carlisle and Esme were sitting on the sofa, her hand resting in his. And Emmett sat in a chair, Rosalie sitting in his lap while he softly caressed her back. Each and every one of my family members portrayed how much they loved their partner, just in the act of sitting right next to them.

And at that moment, I felt jealous. Jealous because I've wanted to join them. I´ve also wanted to sit there, only with Bella right next to me. For the longest time, I thought it would be impossible to find love but now that I´ve had a taste of it, I´ve wanted it back.

´Son, what happened?´ I turned to face Carlisle, who did not understand why I was this quietly standing in front of everyone.

I shook my head, I needed to compose myself. ´She forgave me,´ I just responded. In that one single sentence, everything was said and done.

Esme smiled at me. ´I´m happy for you, but that little stunt you and Alice just pulled…,´ she angrily shook her head. ´That was completely unnecessary.´

´I agree, it was stupid. I was so frightened when she saw us sitting there,´ I said.

´Me as well, but I still don´t understand why she was alone,´ Alice added.

With everything that had happened, that thought had completely slipped my mind. We had heard her correctly, right? She would be on a date, then why was she indeed alone in a movie theatre? That did not make any sense.

´I don´t understand it at all, but I´m happy with how the night proceeded. And don´t worry, Esme. She was indeed very mad at us,´ I assured Esme. She shook her head at us, mumbling how on earth could we have been this reckless.

´So now I need to share her with all of you again. Man, it was fun while it lasted,´ Emmett said. ´And this doesn't mean our wager is off; you still need to drive the Hummer.´

´Gladly, Emmett, gladly,´ I responded.

´Is she still coming over tomorrow?´ Jasper asked from the carpet.

´Yes. Why?´

´I shall make sure I´ll be hunting then,´ he explained. His answer surprised me. Hadn't Bella already forgiven him, the second the accident occurred? Alice also turned around to face her boyfriend.

´What do you mean? Bella was never angry at you,´ Alice helped him remember.

´I know. But I'm still not exactly comfortable with everything. I´m sorry, love,´ Jasper kissed Alice on her forehead.

´Don´t worry Jasper. I'm sure with time, everything becomes normal again,´ she turned to look at me, hinting that she meant Jasper´s guilt because of the accident, but also my relationship with Bella. I hope she was right and that everything did, in fact, return to normal again.

Everyone was silent for a second. Lost in thought about Bella, our renewed friendship and the fact she would be coming over tomorrow. I listened to their thoughts.

As always, Carlisle was happy his family returned a bit to normal. Being away from Bella had affected us all.

Esme could not wait to see her again. She had loved the days Bella came to our house and was delighted she had forgiven us.

Jasper felt guilty for everything and was a bit scared of her returning to us again. Even though Bella was never angry at him and forgave him the quickest, he still had the feeling that if the party had not ended the way it had, everything would have been different. I guess I´ll understand his thoughts, for those are the same ones that I always tell myself. If I hadn't done this, would the outcome still be the same?

Alice was the complete opposite. She was as optimistic as she could get, already debating what she would tell Bella the first when she would see her again. Her head was filled with outfit choices so I quickly went to Emmett.

Emmett´s thoughts were hopeful. The last few days with Bella were fun and he loved to tease her a bit more.

I finally arrived in Rosalie´s mind. She was particularly quiet. When she finally opened her mouth to speak, I was angry at myself for not listening in on her thoughts sooner.

´So, first, you spy on her and then she forgives you? She hasn't changed a bit,´ Rosalie said, while six pairs of eyes turned around to face her.

´Care to elaborate?´ I asked through clenched teeth.

She rolled her eyes at me. ´Don´t be all defensive, I´m just stating facts. She just doesn't have a lot of backbone. It's not wrong, per se, just the truth.´

´Rose, please don´t,´ Emmett quietly pleaded in her hair.

´Fine, fine. If you all just want to celebrate her coming back, be my guest and fine by me. Now, if you´ll need me, I´ll be in my room.´ Rosalie got up and left, while Emmett turned around and thought a little apology only for my ears to hear. To me, it didn't matter what Rosalie thought, because tomorrow would be a better day. I looked at Alice and saw she was also beaming with excitement.

The next day, Alice was anxious but overjoyed to see Bella again. She was simply a hot mess but no one could blame her for that. It took all of my strength to keep her from running over to Bella's house and riding with her to school. Eventually, we took Emmett´s Hummer and finally drove away. Alice was jumping up and down the whole time.

´I can´t believe I´ll see her in a few minutes. Can´t you drive any faster?´ she asked me, but I didn't budge.

´I can´t Alice, I´m sorry.´

´You´re no fun,´ Alice sulked. Jasper had to laugh as she was obviously displeased.

After a rather short ride, we arrived at school. Bella just got out of her car and started walking towards the entrance. Before me or Jasper could stop her, Alice already jumped out of the car and quickly walked over to Bella. Before she approached her, she was a bit hesitant as to how Bella would react to her. But Bella had already heard her, so she turned around to face Alice.

´Alice!´ Bella exclaimed, holding her arms in front of her, inviting Alice in for a hug which she gladly accepted.

´I´m so sorry, Bella,´ Alice tried to explain.

´Shhhh, Alice. I told Edward yesterday already that I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't condone your actions, but I understand them if that makes sense. Now just be quiet and hug me, I´ve missed you,´ she whispered in her friend's ear.

´I´ve missed you too, so much,´ Alice started sobbing even though tears could no longer leave her eyes. They were holding each other, happy to be rekindled. Jasper was thrilled with these emotions as he felt them intensified and Alice was simply lost for words with how happy she was at this moment.

Among these happy thoughts, I also heard some stunned thoughts, which I recognised as Jessica´s and Angela´s. Jessica was slightly annoyed while Angela was more hopeful for the future.

Why is she hugging Alice? Did they make up? When? She was so angry with the whole Cullen family before, what had changed? That stupid Biology assignment, they are messing with her head! Be careful, Bella!

I'm hoping they won't hurt her again, but I´m happy she seems at peace right now. She looks so relaxed right now, let's hope it will stay that way. That Biology assignment was a blessing in disguise.

Jessica called Bella over, and she looked up to see her friends standing there, waiting for her. She turned to face Alice. ´We will talk later, alright? I can't wait to see you after school again. I have so much to tell you, but I´ll better run. Don´t want to be late for class.´ She kissed Alice on her cheek, as they always did, and went to see her human friends.

Alice returned to us again, glowing with excitement. We had another class to attend in the meantime but hearing Alice´s thrilled thoughts made me also overjoyed for our next Biology session. I couldn't wait that long to see Bella again, so I concentrated on the talk she had with her friends.

´So Bella,what was that?´ Jessica asked her.

´What do you mean?´ Bella teased her since she knew Jessica would love to hear any gossip as quickly as possible.

´Oh come on Bella, why were you hugging Alice? I thought you hated the Cullens,´ Jessica could not hide her excitement for this new change in direction.

´Jess, leave her be,´ Angela quickly jumped in

´It's alright, Ange. But to answer your question, Jess; I saw them last night, we talked a lot and we´ve made up. And I´ve never hated the Cullens,´ Bella explained.

In Angela's mind, I could see Jessica frown at that statement. ´But… I have so much to ask you. How? Why? When?´
Bella laughed. ´Gee girl, get a grip. I saw them yesterday at the movie theatre, so obviously I was displeased seeing them. I was angry at them, but then I realised I didn't want to have this anger in me anymore. I looked at them and I thought to myself; I have to let it go. So I did. I told them I forgave them for leaving, and now we try to be friends. Does this answer your questions?´

´Euhm, no?! Are you now friends with Edward?´ Jessica demanded more answers.

´Yes, I´ll try to be,´ Bella answered. I´ll have to admit, I was hoping she would deny it and tell them she wanted to be more, but that was just my imagination doing tricks on me.

´I´m happy for you. You were really down for a while, but I see you´re a bit more relaxed now, so to say. Hopefully, everything will turn out great,´ Angela said while smiling warmly at Bella.

´I hope so too. I have missed them,´ Bella smiled back.

´How did Charlie react?´ Jessica demanded.

´I haven't told him yet. Seeing them yesterday came as a bit of a surprise. I wasn't really prepared.´

´Speaking of last night, how was the movie?´ Angela quickly asked, and I heard she tried to move the topic over to something else. She saw Bella was done with the conversation, done with explaining her reasoning for wanting to be friends with us and she tried to help Bella. Jessica could be a bit too much, and Bella was finished with that topic.

´Oh, it was amazing. That actor, what's his name again? Robert Pa… Pat… Something like that... Anyway, he could portray Batman so well, it was almost scary. Really recommend it.´

´Now that the Cullens are back, are you still going on these little dates?´ Jessica asked, knowing that the topic ´Cullens´ was over but still wanting to sprinkle their name into a new topic every now and then.

´I don't see why not. I really like it.´

´It might be a bit weird.´

´I don't see it that way. I mean, treating myself to these dates has been so wonderful. I feel instantly relaxed, and I intend to keep doing it. It's the ultimate way to treat myself. But please enough about me, tell me more about Owen. You haven't mentioned him at all today,´ Bella winked at Jessica and I finally understood it. She was alone yesterday evening because she chose to be. No one had left her alone, she wanted to be alone. She was treating herself. I felt instantly relaxed. Good for her, I thought. She deserved it.

Bella POV:

The day proceeded as normal until it was time for me to go to the Cullens again. I said my goodbyes to Jessica and Angela and walked over towards my car, where I saw Alice jumping right next to it. She was frantically looking everywhere until she caught my scent and turned to face me. Her smile grew even brighter.

´Hey Alice, what´s up?´ I greeted her.

´I figured, if you´re driving to our place, I could maybe drive with you. Only if you don´t mind, of course, no pressure,´ she ended, maybe regretting the over the top way she was acting around me right now.

It was almost endearing to see her being this awkward with me. Almost. ´Of course, I don't mind. Hop on in, Alice,´ I said.
Her face lit up. Her eyes were beaming and her smile would lighten up the whole school. I giggled, I have missed this.

We both got in the car and I turned on the stereo. The stereo they have given me for my birthday party. It was to show her I still used it and I was happy with it. I hoped it did not trigger any unpleasant memories for her, as I mainly used it as a peace offering.

´I see you still use it,´ Alice gladly noted.

´I mean, it's a great gift, don´t you think? I use it a lot.´

´I'm glad….´

I turned around to face her, to see why she was this quiet. I mean, I could guess it already. ´Hey Alice, don´t hold back, okay? I've forgiven you both, I mean it. I don't want to dwell on the past. If you want to be my friend again, you also need to let the past go, okay? It had happened. Nothing we can do about it now.´

She faced me. ´You are right. I just can't help but feel such remorse about it. I feel like I can never tell you how sorry I am.´

´Don´t, Alice.´

We drove in silence. This wasn't how I imagined our reunion to be. Time to engage in some good old fashioned small talk!

´I really like your skirt, is it new?´ I figured a compliment would be the best way to start.

´Oh, I´m so glad you noticed. I´ve made it myself this past week. I really like the colour,´ she stroked the emerald green fabric.

´It´s a beautiful colour, really compliments your skin tone.´

´You mean my ashy white skin tone?´ she jokingly said.

´You know what I mean,´ I rolled my eyes at her as she started grinning. Eventually, I also gave in and had to laugh until my stomach started to hurt. Alice even had to grab the steering wheel for a bit since I was laughing uncontrollably. And at that moment, I felt we would be okay again. The rough edge of it all vanished and we could focus on our rekindling friendship.

As expected, Edward and I could do no work on our assignment that afternoon. Carlisle was working at the hospital and I´ve been told Jasper was hunting. Rosalie was nowhere to be seen, so I´ve been left alone with Emmett who was constantly joking, Alice who could not stop talking, Esme who was feeding me uncontrollably and Edward who was watching all of this, amused.

We comfortably sat down in the living room with Alice in front of me on the carpet, Edward right next to me on the couch and Esme and Emmett on two sofas. As we sat down in these positions, Emmett jokingly said; ´Get a room, you two,´ since Edward and I sat down next to each other. This resulted in a low, angry growl by Edward and a disapproving look by Esme.

I just had to laugh at his statement. I wish! I wish Edward would have done something to me that needed ´a room´ when we were still together. Unfortunately, we could go no further than kissing because he was afraid he would hurt me with all of his strength. I mean, that was indeed a possibility, but I still craved him, you know?

´Don't listen to him, Bella. He was just being annoying,´ Alice tried to comfort me. Oh shit, I was glad Edward could not hear my thoughts. He turned around to look questioningly at me and I felt slightly embarrassed. My cheeks turned red and I had to contain myself. Emmett burst out laughing as if he knew what I was thinking. From now on; focus Bella!

´Don´t worry, Allie. I can handle it,´ I managed to mumble.

´I´m sure she can,´ Emmett continued to snort. Damn you, Emmett! Esme quickly interfered by offering me another brownie but I was truly full.

´I hope my children aren't bothering you too much,´ Esme said.

´Not more than usual,´ I assured her while laughing.

Alice kept tugging at my leg, grabbing my attention. ´Not fair, Emmett is the one who is constantly annoying you. I don't want to be named in the same sentence as him.´

´I don't need to grab her leg in order to get her attention, little one,´ Emmett sarcastically said to her.

´Oh, shut up, Em,´ Alice replied.

Edward turned a bit to face me while inching closer to me. My heartbeat quickened in response. He whispered as if the rest of his family could not hear him. ´Happy we have already done a lot for Biology, right?´

I nodded in response. I did not trust the steadiness of my voice right now.

´Speaking of which, Bella, when are you finished with it?´ Alice asked.

´I think somewhere next week, right?´ I turned to face Edward who also nodded. Alice´s face fell so I quickly added. ´But don´t worry, I´ll still be coming over if you would like that?´

She jumped up and gave me a fierce hug. It took me by surprise so, after a second or two, I was hugging her back.

´I would love to,´ she kissed my cheek again before sitting in front of me.

´Then it's settled,´ I smiled back at her.

´Get a room, you two,´ Emmett continued his teasing joke.

´Why? Wouldn't you just love to see us doing something that requires a room?´ Alice turned around to provoke him. It worked, as he was too flabbergasted to respond to her.

´Euhmm….,´ was all Emmett could say.

´Hashtag Team Alice,´ I continued.

We all burst out laughing at that silly little joke. After Emmett found his voice again, he also laughed with us. We laughed until I heard my phone vibrate in my pocket.

Edward POV:

The moment Bella´s phone went off, three major things happened.
First, I couldn't help but notice who texted her. It was that Jacob kid again and I also could not help but notice what he sent her.

Let's meet up this weekend, Bells.

I had no reason to instantly feel this jealous, I told myself. I had no possession over her and she was free to meet up with one of her best friends anytime, so step back, Edward!

Second, the little noise of the phone vibration and Bella´s obviously pleased reaction to the text message, made the blocking in Alice´s mind go away. She saw Bella and Jacob meeting up this weekend. But I also saw something more, something that she tried to hide from me two days ago. The reason why Bella was so upset when we met her in the movie theatre.

I saw Bella and Jacob kissing passionately. I saw she clung onto him, grabbing him and holding him as close as she could. Closer than she could have done with me. I saw red. I was envious.

Third, I broke the armrest of the couch, where my hand was gently resting just a second ago. Four people turned around to face me, to see why I was breaking the house down.

´She kissed Jacob?´ I whispered, defeated, crushed, in pain.

Chapter Text

Chapter 21: Revelations

Edward POV:

´She kissed Jacob?´ I whispered, defeated, crushed, in pain. I was sure everyone in the room heard my silent mumble. Esme felt a little bit embarrassed after hearing it, as she wished this would have been a topic of conversation for Bella and I only. Emmett was slightly amused by it, as he had to chuckle after seeing how jealous I instantly reacted. Alice
wanted to control the situation. I could hear her thoughts loud and clear.

Edward, contain yourself!

She then showed me a vision of what would happen if I didn´t, in fact, control myself. If I fled the room to smash something, leaving Bella behind more confused than ever, it would take me way longer to gain her trust back while maintaining a friendship. Bella would not understand the extent of my emotions and it would anger her tremendously. She would rightfully tell me I did not have a vampire claim on her and that she was allowed to kiss whoever she wanted. We would fight.
I had to control this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach, even though it felt as if it could physically hurt me. I owed it to Bella, Alice, myself and the rest of my family to be on my best behaviour from now on. I absolutely had to.

Bella was looking at me, then she turned to face Alice before she turned around to face me again. The silent conversation between me and my sister was not something she could have missed.

For the love of all that's good and holy, play it cool! Alice´s mind shouted.

I snapped out of my surprised state. ´Yes, Emmett would definitely want to see that, I guess,´ I tried and failed to sound as normal as I could as I wanted the conversation to return back to the topic we all had to laugh about. Unfortunately, it didn't work. Alice´s thoughts were loud and clear.

Dumb piece of… Urgh.

A slight crease had formed between Bella´s brows. I wanted nothing more than to kiss that little frown away if I knew she would let me.

´What did you just say?´ she instead asked me, her tone harsher than I´d anticipated.

´What do you mean?´ I tried to play the innocent card with an open posture as if I had nothing to hide and together with my large and honest eyes, it was almost impossible for a human to resist.

She closed her eyes, trying to keep her head clear. ´Don´t lie to me and don't act as if I´m a child. I´ll ask you once again; what did you just say?´

Christ, just tell her the truth!

´Alright, Alice,´ I hissed at my sister.

I looked at Bella. ´I´m sorry Bella. I saw Jacob…,´ I cringed at mentioning his name, real mature Edward! ´… texting you. And Alice tried to give you your privacy, so she blocked your conversations with him, from me. And that text message made the blocking go away, so I just saw you kissing him, in Alice´s mind, if that makes sense.´

Bella glanced over to Alice, a smile beginning to form on her beautiful rose lips. ´Thank you, Alice, I really appreciate it´ she said with real affection. She then turned to face me with a slightly annoyed expression on her face. ´And as for you, Edward, why did you molest that couch?´

´Oh shit, oh snap,´ Emmett chuckled while Esme shot him an angry glare. She mentioned they both needed to leave the room to give us some privacy.

´Can´t I just watch? I promise I´ll be very quiet,´ Emmett almost couldn't hold his laugh anymore. I could imagine this conversation would be considered funny if watched from the sidelines. But at this moment? Not so much.

´It's alright, you can stay,´ Bella mentioned in their direction, not breaking eye contact with me.

I knew I had to come clean. ´I was jealous.´

Bella was taken aback by that answer. Normally, I was very composed, always the perfect gentleman and never breaking out of that strict harness I hold for myself. She kept looking at me for a few seconds, still debating with herself how she should answer. Eventually, the right corner of her mouth involuntarily twitches upwards.

´Why?´ she asked as if she didn't know the answer to that question already.

´You know why, Bella,´ I sighed.

´I still want to hear you say it,´ she kept pushing.

´I'm jealous because I love you, alright.´

She closed her eyes and shook her head. ´You do not have a weird vampire claim on me, Edward, just because you claim to love me. I can kiss whoever I want. Are we clear?´

Alice's vision shot through my head. Damn you, Alice, this is exactly the same outcome! She's saying the exact same things as in the bad outcome.

´As crystal, Bella,´ I confidently smiled at her.

Emmett's thoughts were nothing but admiration for Bella, applauding her for standing up for herself and putting me in my place for my jealous behaviour. I could hear Esme felt a bit humiliated for listening in on our conversation but she was happy with how Bella reacted. Bella was confident. There was no denying that she would have reacted differently a year ago. A year ago, she would not have said that to me, perhaps she would not even think about those things. She still surprised me, every day.

´Now that that's out of the way,´ Emmett cleared his throat. ´Bella, could I invite you to a lovely baseball match?´ He finally asked. We all turned around to look at him. What was he doing? Bella was clearly shocked.

´Emmett, I´m human,´ she said, almost offended. She was referring to the baseball matches in my family. Each time it thunders, we would play baseball and use our top vampire speed and power. It made a horrible noise so we could only play with the thunder masking our sound. We had never played baseball before with Bella, at a normal and human pace. Come to think of it, that might have been a bit bitter for her, perhaps. She was always there but always watching from the sidelines. Never the main player but always sitting on the bleachers, so to say. What a horrible metaphor for how our whole relationship had been! When I chose to leave her, I had put myself out there as the main player and Bella as a side player. While of course, she had to be the main player as well!

Emmett nearly choked, if that were possible, with how he laughed right now. ´Silly Bella. What I meant was; do you want to play baseball with me, just at a normal and human speed. I promise.´

His thoughts were for me only.
Trust me on this, Eddie. Might be fun.

Look at Emmett coming in and saving the day. But I was sure Bella would not want that. And just as always, she surprised me again.

´I would love to. Who´s playing?

´I'll ask Rose. Then we´re with six and Allie can be the pitcher. Let´s do boys against girls. How's that?´

´Great idea, Em. I´m in,´ Alice said, while she turned to smile at me and meanwhile kept her thoughts to herself. This was going to be the death of me, but clearly, this baseball match would turn out for the best, otherwise, she would not smile at me this way.

´Aren´t girls with one player extra?´ Bella asked.

´With your two left feet? You can barely call that an extra player.´ Emmett winked at her, but she could not contradict his statement as she knew she indeed had two left feet so she laughed with him.

Emmett rose to pick up Rosalie who was partially hiding in her room and we all went outside. As we were playing at a human speed, we did not need as much space as when we were playing a vampire match, so we could luckily play just outside our home. The girls started playing offence while Emmett and I played defence.

The first one up was Esme. Alice threw the ball at her and as expected, she swung the bat gracefully and sent the ball to the other side of the field. She started to run and had to hold in to play at normal speed which was kind of hard for her. Nevertheless, she managed to run a homerun before we could record her out.

Rosalie was next. Alice threw the ball, Rosalie swung the bat and the ball landed perfectly in Emmett´s mitt.

´Sorry, babe,´ he called her out, but she was slightly annoyed by losing already.

Third one up was Bella. And I honestly don't know how she did it. She took the bat. Alice threw the ball at her. Bella swung her bat and she managed to hit herself with it, hard, before the ball hit her, hard. I stood next to her in an instant and held her before she would even fall to the ground.

´Are you alright, Bella?´ I hold her close to my chest, afraid she would stumble and fall if I let her go. I had wrapped my arms around her.

´I´m fine, I´m fine. I just hit my shoulder so I´m fine,´ she managed to say into my chest.

´Let's put some ice on it, shall we?´

´Isn't your hand literally the same temperature?´

I chuckled. ´Ice would feel better, I suppose. At least, that's what they say in all the medical journals.´

I felt her relax in my arms and I was grateful for this little moment. In a second, the rest of my family members had also gathered around us.

´Gee Bella, if you didn't want to play, you could have just said so instead of injuring yourself,´ Emmett jokingly told her.

She freed herself from my hug and faced him. ´We´re going to put some ice on it for just a second, but I really want to play afterwards.´

´As if Edward would let you play injured.´

´Don´t you know already that Edward has no say in it?´ She gave Emmett a wink before turning around, walking straight towards the kitchen.

Bella POV

Edward put an ice pack from the freezer and gave it to me. My shoulders would for sure be a bit sore tomorrow, possibly also black and blue with how hard I´ve hit myself. I felt almost a little bit embarrassed for how fragile I was, but that was part of being human, I guess.

´Thank you,´ I said to Edward, who kept looking at me.

´You´re welcome,´ he returned the gesture.

I looked up at him and we kept staring at each other, and I could not help but get lost in his golden coloured eyes. I couldn't blink. I couldn't tear my eyes away from his. They were so warm and soothing that I didn't even want to look away. It felt like coming home. The resistance that I felt started to crumble and I didn´t know if I should run away or run into his embrace. My brain told me the absolute opposite of what my heart wanted. And I knew with absolute certainty that I could stand here, with him, forever.

Until I saw Rosalie walking by. Wake-up call! Wake-up call!

´Hey Rosalie, can I talk to you for just a second?´ I asked her. She stopped dead in her tracks, amazed that I spoke directly at her. We never had a conversation just between the two of us, and I wanted to change that. And this was the first time I saw her after their departure, so I had to strike the iron while it's still hot. She exchanged glances with Edward who was also perplexed by my sudden request. I wondered what they silently discussed.

´Sure, Bella,´ Rosalie answered, so apparently Edward pushed her into talking to me.

´Edward, would you mind giving us a minute?´ I asked Edward, who reassuringly smiled at me before leaving the kitchen.

´So…,´ I started. ´You´re probably wondering why I asked you for a minute alone with me. And the truth is, Rosalie, we´ve never had one. And I wondered why?´
She raised an eyebrow at me. ´Is that what you wanted to talk about? I'm sure you can fill in the gaps.´

´Look, the thing is; I know your whole standpoint about vampires dating humans. I know that. But on the other hand; Edward and I had been dating for half a year already. We had been dating for half a year already, and even then you couldn't say one nice thing to me, even on my own birthday.´
I tried to remain eye contact with her. Even though Rosalie was breathtakingly beautiful and she could keep her face in check at any minute, I couldn´t. I needed her to see it had hurt me. I needed her to see I didn't like that treatment and I felt it was a conversation that needed to happen. I'm sure the other Cullens had already talked to her about her behaviour towards me, but I wanted her to see directly that it had also hurt me in the process.

´Why do you want to talk about that now?´ Rosalie dodged my question.

´I don't see why not. After all, I haven't seen you in months.´

Rosalie looked out of the window and watched her family members for a while. ´Bella, I don't particularly dislike you…,´ she finally said. ´It's just that I consider you a threat. A threat to our safety.´

I had already heard something like that from Edward before, but hearing her say that directly did something to me. ´Could you elaborate on that?´ I needed more answers.

´If it ends badly, and it eventually will, I don't want to think about the consequences my family will have to face.´ Rosalie turned and looked at me. It was clear as crystal she would do anything to protect her family. And I wasn't part of that, to her.

´And by ending badly, you mean my death?´ I needed to hear her say it. We have never talked like this and I might never get the chance again.

´Of course. If Edward had killed you the first few times he saw you, and you know he wanted to…,´ Rosalie said. I shrugged, as I remembered what Edward had told me, that my blood smelled more appealing to him than anything he had ever smelled before. ´… then my family would have to leave town. And if he turns you into a vampire right now, I wouldn't condone it. I would never overlook the fact that you chose this lifestyle, or that Edward let himself get close to you and made you consider choosing this lifestyle. If he had stayed away from you, you would never have fallen in love with him and you would never have chosen to become one of us. This isn't a lifestyle I would choose upon anyone, and you´ve seen what happened at your birthday,´ Rosalie continued.

Hearing her say these things out loud made sense to me. I could understand her reasoning, as Edward had partially told me Rosalie´s standpoint in our relationship. But I could not understand her whole attitude towards me. What had I done to deserve such a treatment?

´I understand, Rosalie. Believe me, I do. I understand you would want to protect your family and I understand that my interference isn't ideal. But what I do not understand is your whole attitude towards me. The fact that Edward had fallen in love with me, has nothing to do with me. And after a while, once the rest of your family started to welcome me, you still kept up the same attitude. And it slightly annoyed me, as Edward had done the same. I knew what the consequences were. I knew the risks and I knew the danger. Still, you´ve made no effort to get to know me. And if Edward loves me as much as he claims he does, I can only imagine the state he was in these last couple of months. So you´ve seen firsthand how much being away from me affected him.´

I spoke quickly, maybe a bit too quickly but I hoped she could also understand my viewpoint. In the last eight months, I had a lot of time to think things through and some aspects of the whole Cullen family did not sit right with me. Rosalie´s attitude towards me was one thing. I had actually asked Jessica and Angela about it, what it would mean if your boyfriend's sister did not speak to you at all, and both were shocked at Rosalie´s level of bitchiness. I did not see it as that once I was dating Edward, but now I see how wrong Rosalie's attitude was.

´I see how good you are to Edward at one hand. But at the other, I can't understand it at all,´ Rosalie said. I looked at her, and I saw she tried to make sense of my side of this story.

´Then I suggest we leave it at that. Thank you for elaborating on your views. I just wanted you to know mine,´ I symbolically offered her my hand and she shook it. I smiled at her, as I felt this was a conversation that needed to happen. We finally both understood the other.

´For what it's worth, I never once thought anything negative about you, Bella. I know you´re wonderful,´ Rosalie returned my smile.

´I was also never mad at you, Rosalie. I just simply did not understand everything, so to say. But I respect your viewpoint, so I´m happy we had this little talk.´

´Me as well. Now, let's kick some butt. I can´t let Emmett win at baseball, I will never hear the end of it.´

So after Rosalie and I had our little kitchen talk, we returned to the rest of the family. I can imagine Edward hearing Rosalie´s thoughts and I can imagine they would discuss our conversation after I've left. Nothing was really a secret in the Cullen family.

We managed to win, but I was sure the boys let us win. My shoulder was still sore and I was never really very good at sports, but I was still pleased with it. The air was cleared between Rosalie and I, so I hoped this new spirit made our victory a bit better.

Edward asked if he could drive me home in my car and I agreed. He could drive me and then return home on foot. I hugged everyone goodbye, even Rosalie! And then we left.

We silently drove until we were out of earshot of his family before he broke the silence. ´Congratulations on your win.´

´Which one?´

He laughed. ´You know I try to give anyone their privacy. But you´re right; I did hear something between you and Rosalie. So, congratulations on both of your wins.´ He turned to wink at me.

´Thank you. I understand her a bit better now and I'm glad about that.´ I felt the blood rise to my cheeks. We weren't even talking about us and I was already blushing. Horrible!

´I don't always agree with her, you know. How she behaved towards you was unacceptable,´ Edward said, clenching the steering wheel, obviously displeased with Rosalie´s attitude.

´That's true. But I understand why she behaved like that. She values her family and I can admire that, even if it were at my expense. I mean; we also had never talked about our future, Edward. We never seemed eye-to-eye about that. How can I ask Rosalie to understand while we never understood each other?´ I kept looking at my folded hands, afraid of what I would see if I looked up and saw Edward.

´You are right, Bella. As always, you are right. You were right about my jealous behaviour today and you are right, right now. I have made so many mistakes with us. I just wish I could turn back time.´

Edward sounded so defeated, so broken. I looked up and faced him. His posture was small, afraid and turned away from me. I did not want him to feel that way. ´Don't blame yourself, Edward. I was also too afraid to open up that conversation. We were both in the wrong. And I would not want to go back in time. We never had these kinds of talks last year.´

We had arrived at my house. He faced me. ´Do you mean that?´

´Of course.´

And for the second time that day, I got lost in his eyes. But this time, I was done pulling away from the undeniable force that kept pulling me towards Edward Cullen. And even though my brain kept telling me to keep away from him, my heart was ready to rule him in. His eyes were darker, filled with lust and with a hunger in them only I could satiate. I let my eyes wander over his face, his perfect bone structure, his soft hair and finally, his full lips. With his lips slightly parted, I could almost smell his sweet vampire odor. Without me realising it, my body kept moving closer to him. I wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss me. Finally!

O, my God, we´re going to kiss!

Chapter Text

Chapter 22: Finally!

Bella POV:

As I leaned in for a kiss, Edward pulled away. Wait, what? I felt a disappointed feeling in my stomach instead of a set of cold lips on my mouth. Had I misinterpreted everything that was going on? No, right? He said he loved me, why couldn´t he kiss me?

´Not that I don't want to, but Charlie is waiting for you. And he is not exactly pleased with me being here,´ Edward explained.

Oh no, I had completely forgotten to tell Charlie that Edward and I were working on a biology assignment together. I could only imagine the things that went through his head right now, how embarrassing.

´I will see you tomorrow then,´ I gracefully said Edward goodbye. We both got out of the car and he started walking towards his house. Edward turned around to wave at me and I waved back. And then I braced myself and went to see Charlie.

I wasn't even inside of the house before he started yelling; ´Was that Edward Cullen and why were you so cosy with him just now?´ Charlie was standing in the hallway, his hands on his hips and I couldn't help but feel annoyed.

´Hello, Dad. Nice to see you too,´ I sarcastically answered before I rolled my eyes at him.

´Don't use that tone on me, young lady. What is happening?´

´We´re actually working on a Biology assignment together. You can ask literally anyone in this town. I forgot to mention it to you, because… well… I wasn't exactly pleased with it either. The partners were already chosen and I couldn´t switch or else I would fail.´ I said much more gently. I knew Charlie was only looking out for me and I knew how it would look to him. Seeing your daughter absolutely heartbroken over her ex-boyfriend and suddenly that same ex-boyfriend returns again. And a few weeks later, your daughter is cosying up on him. I knew how it looked. I just didn't like it.

´It looked like you were about to kiss him,´ he kept nagging me.

´Dad, listen to me. I know what it looks like. But Edward and I have talked a lot over these last few days. He apologized and I believe his reasons now. You don't have to believe him or any of the Cullens, but I will have to ask you to have faith in my sense of judgement.´
I was stubborn and I knew it. I also knew that I wanted to be friends with him only a day ago and now I wanted him to kiss me, so I needed to get my head in check.

´I´m just looking out for you, Bells,´ Charlie said.

´I know that. And I appreciate it. But please, just let me make this mistake by myself,´ I smiled at him and went to my room.

I didn´t know if Charlie was right or not and that feeling was irritating me. Luckily, I had two female friends who could help me out for sure. First, I sent a quick text message to Jacob, telling him I would love to meet up this weekend before I opened my group chat with Jessica and Angela.

#Girlsquat

Bella: Girls, I went to the Cullens today and it was really nice. Edward drove me home and we had a moment… Until Charlie ruined it and now he's mad. Does he have a reason to be or not?

Jessica: Sis, you had a moment? Spill!

Bella: I wanted him to kiss me……

Jessica: OMG :D

Jessica: Go 4 it!!!

Jessica: We could go on double dates!

Jessica: Or even triple dates if Angela finds herself a man

Bella: Jess, that wasn't even my question!

Angela: He's looking out for you, Bella. But you need to listen to your own gut. Does Charlie have a reason to be worried? He's only trying to protect you.

Bella: I guess… I told him to trust me.. Edward and I really have talked a lot about us

Angela: And do you want to get back together with him?

Bella: …

Jessica: Bella, answer!!!

Bella: I just really wanted him to kiss me :(

Angela: Bella, think about what YOU want. Not Charlie. Not us. If you happen to get back together with him, we will support you. Right, Jess?

Jessica: Totally

Jessica: And if he breaks up with you again, we will key his fucking car, stupid piece of shit

Bella: Oh Jessica, I should never mess with you

Angela: And if you decide you don't want anything to do with him, we will also support that

Bella: I really needed to hear this, thank you guys xxx

Jessica: Anytime bae xxx

Angela: Sleep on it, Bella. We have your back xxx

Bella: Now that my relationship crisis is averted. Anything interesting happening in yours, Jess? ;)

Jessica: Sis, you won't believe the cute text message Owen just sent me. I was like, totally shook by it

After texting with them for a while, I´ve decided that Angela was right and that I indeed needed to sleep on it.

The next day was a Friday so I was glad the week was almost over. It really was one of the most nerve-wracking weeks ever and I was done with it.

I hopped out of the bed and saw that the sun was shining. This meant the Cullens would not be at school today because the sun would make their skin sparkle and they would be exposed. Slightly disappointed, I put on a knee-length, floral skirt and a blue pullover. I put my hair in two pigtails and was happy with the result when I looked in the mirror.

I rushed downstairs and made my signature bowl of cereal. Charlie was already gone so I had time to think about Operation Edward Cullen. What was I going to do with him? I still didn't know what the best outcome would be, so I´ve finally decided to let it go. I would just simply go with the flow and see how our relationship would proceed. I wouldn't make any harsh decisions right now.

Happy with the result of this little debate, I grabbed my car keys and opened the door.

´Edward?´

Standing in front of me stood Edward. A crooked grin that I loved so much, amber coloured eyes that sent shivers down my spine and worst of all; him knowing the physical effects he has on me. I just knew my heartbeat had quickened.

He saw what I was wearing and started smiling more.

´Good morning, Bella. I see we´re matching,´ He was also wearing a blue pullover. It accentuated the muscles underneath it.

I looked down at my clothes. He could wear a sack and he still looked like a snack, it wasn't totally fair.

´Good morning, Edward. What brings you here, the sun will shine today?´ I asked him, still unsure why he showed up at my door. I was happy with it, don´t get me wrong. I simply did not understand it.

´Indeed, so we all will skip school today. I've just wanted to see you for a minute before we go. Can I walk you to your car?´ Edward suddenly looked a bit hesitant and I wondered why.

´Those 10 meters? Are you sure I can handle that?´ I rolled my eyes at him before I burst out laughing.

´With your two left feet Bella, I can never be too sure,´ Edward said. He leaned down to give me a little kiss on my forehead and I stopped laughing altogether. The little gesture came as a complete surprise to me. The coldness of his touch sent shivers down my spine and I was sure, made my heart beat a little unsteady.

´Okay,´ I said. Very creative, very witty. Very good comeback indeed.

´I was also wondering if your shoulders were still sore from yesterday,´ Edward said, while gently brushing his finger over my cheek. Cheeks that were redder than a tomato, I was sure of it.

´My shoulders are fine, actually,´ I´ve found my voice again. ´The ice definitely helped.´

´I´m glad. We were all very worried for a second there,´ Edward winked at me. What was this? Dazzle Bella Friday? Make it stop. Let it continue. Argh. Not fair! He gently tucked at my pigtails. ´I like these...´ he mumbled.

´No need, I had a lot of fun. Really,´ I also smiled at him. I was sure my hideous attempts at flirting hadn't the desired effect, but I still tried. His eyes immediately got a little dark edge around the irises again. His glare became more persistent and he tried to reach out to me. I believe my smile even dazzled him, which was a great revelation. I winked at him before I hopped in my car and I waved at him. Two can play this game, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

After that eventful morning, school was definitely boring. I told Jessica and Angela every detail about my almost kiss with Edward. Then, Jessica told us all the details from Owen that we were missing. I enjoyed this harmless talk and I knew for sure that whatever I chose to do with Edward, they had my back.

During lunch, I received a text message from Alice, asking me if I wanted to shop with her tomorrow. My weekend certainly became a bit busy, as I had plans with Jacob for
Saturday afternoon to watch a movie and on Sunday, Jessica, Angela and I would meet up.

The school day came and went, and soon enough it was Saturday again. Alice picked me up and Charlie was pleased with it. For some reason, he had blamed Edward for everything and the rest of the Cullens were off the hook. So Alice was amazing in his eyes and Edward was utter trash. Oh well, I could handle it. The topic of Edward was off the hook anyway.

But as said before, Alice picked me up and we went to Port Angeles. Alice told me she would buy me something nice, as a little thank you gift for our rekindling friendship. I told her it was absolutely not necessary but she insisted. And debating with Alice was pointless anyway, so I eventually agreed.

She found a beautiful a-line dress in dark blue. We jokingly said I didn't even have to try it on as Alice could see in her vision that it fitted perfectly. And it did. The fabric hugged all my curves in exactly the right places and the a-line made sure my waist looked perfectly. The dress accentuated the hourglass shape of my body and I had to give Alice credits where credits were due; it was a beautiful dress.

After our shopping trip, we sat down somewhere to eat a little piece of cake and drink tea. Or at least, I was eating. Because Alice could not eat human food, she ordered my second best favourite cake so I had two cakes. It was the best day ever.

Alice brought me home, where Jacob was already waiting on me. She creased her brows a bit, but after I asked her what was wrong, she didn't answer. I kept pushing as I didn't like being left in the dark, and she told me she could not see Jacob´s future. It weirded me out but I paid no attention to it.

I got out of Alice´s car and went over to Jake. I was worried for a second that things would be weird between us, because of my stupid attempt to kiss him, but he assured me everything was fine. He pulled me in a hug and I felt at ease.

The movie we were about to watch was something he had chosen. It was a stupid horror movie and I was scared during the whole thing. Something about werewolves. Absolutely not my cup of tea.

We talked a bit about our dads, about school and about our attempts to ride motorcycles. I didn't want to bring up Edward again and Jake did not push further. I could imagine my Dad had already talked about it with Billy, so Jake would have already heard by now that I was more than friendly with Edward.

After he went to his house again, I made myself comfortable and watched a romcom. I had to delete those scary images out of my head. It didn't work so I eventually just went to bed.

Sunday came and went. I had fun at Angela's place as I always had fun with those two. Jessica could talk about Owen all day, and I was happy with the distraction. The rest of the afternoon, I spent doing homework and preparing meals for the week.

But then, Monday morning arrived. I had made myself busy the whole weekend to avoid thinking about Edward. And it worked. But now I had to face him again. And only I could choose how I wanted to face him. What attitude I wanted to have. How I would approach him. And I had decided I would go full femme fatale on him.

So I put on Alice's dress. I knew Edward liked dark blue on me. And I put my hair in pigtails again, as I remembered his words from last Friday morning. I carefully put some brown eyeshadow on my eyelids and finished it off with mascara. A little bit of highlighter and I was good to go. I was pleased with my look, I was a real vamp.

Nonetheless, I was a little bit nervous when I was driving to school, but I had to contain myself. I was a woman on a mission, as I wanted to kiss Edward. I had made up my mind. I wanted him and I was getting it. Today. And no one could stop me.

I arrived, and I noticed I was receiving a few looks from boys across school. Seductress points: +1

I even saw Emmett´s Hummer, so I knew the Cullens were already there. I spotted Edward first. The look he gave me… It was hunger. It was passion. I knew he wanted me, I saw it in his eyes. And I saw how annoyed he was as he could probably hear some upsetting thoughts about me from the boys around him. Nice. Seductress points: +2

I then saw Alice. She noticed I was wearing the dress we bought Saturday and she gave me a huge thumb up. Seductress points: +3

I was very pleased with my entrance.

During the day, I made sure to keep an eye on Edward. As if I needed to because his gaze kept following me like a hawk. I could not wait to get a minute alone with him, as I felt the jolts in electricity coming off from us. We were magnets, getting pulled towards each other. The harder I pulled away, the faster I kept coming back to him. The harder I ran in the opposite direction, the harder I returned. It was as if there was thunder, the clouds were already grey but you kept waiting for the storm to eventually begin. Even Jessica noticed the change in my behaviour today.

My salvation came during lunch break. I walked towards the canteen but Edward was already near me, touching my elbow to grab my attention.

´Can I get a minute?´ He asked me. I nodded. He brought me to the forest behind the school. If my brain was working, I would have thought it was quite ironic as this was the exact same spot, at the exact same time, where I asked him to leave me alone a few weeks ago. And now we were here to kiss. A full-circle moment. But I wasn't thinking clearly so that wasn't the thought I was thinking.

He turned to face me. ´Bella, you have no idea what you´re doing to me,´ he sighed.

This was it. This was my moment. I walked over to him, making sure I came closer to him so he knew exactly what I wanted. ´I think I have an idea,´ I whispered. I looked into his golden, amber coloured eyes. I cupped his cheek with my hand, softly stroking it. And then, I got on my tiptoes. With the hand I was holding his face, I gently pushed him down to me, so our lips could meet in the middle.

I gave him a quick peck on his cold lips. It was a test kiss, to see if my body still reacted the same as before he went. And it did not. The feeling of kissing Edward had only intensified while being away from him. My heartbeat quicked, my blush only became redder and my knees were wobbly.

Edward grabbed my face in both his hands. One hand on my cheek, the other in my hair. He stared at me, asking me for permission. I nodded at him.

And then he kissed me. And I kissed him back. The hand that was holding my face had to grab my waist, preventing me from falling. He was stroking my hair while keeping my face as close to his as possible. As if I wanted to loosen my grip! Both of my hands were now tangled in his hair. Oh, his hair, how I´ve missed it.

Our lips were moving slowly at first, exploring how the other would react but as the hunger was still not completely fed, our movements became more desperate. We simply clung at the other, afraid of letting go.

Not knowing what I was doing, I instinctively opened my mouth a little bit. I tasted his scent on my lips and I had to moan a little bit for how good it felt. I then felt Edward stiffen.

This was it, this was the moment he would pull away. In the second that rested me before that, I quickly licked his bottom lip with the tip of my tongue.

And then the most unexpected thing happened. Edward moaned in return. It was the most heavenly sound in the world and it made some muscles in my body tense on commando.
But unfortunately, he did pull away.

´I´m going to try something, Bella. I want to deepen our kiss, but you need to keep your tongue inside your own mouth. Do you understand that?´

I nodded. Did he want to deepen our kiss? We had never done that before, so I was very thrilled to try it this time.

He kissed me again. This time, he was the one who was licking my bottom lip with the tip of his tongue. His cold and wet touch sent shivers down my spine and I gladfully opened my mouth to welcome him. He carefully entered my mouth and I made sure to not stick my tongue into his.

He pulled back again and swallowed. He smiled at me. ´Venom,´ and winked again. As the only fluid in his body was venom, he did not want me to taste that and accidentally kill myself in the process.

We kissed each other again. Now that we knew how it worked, it became easier. We knew the rules. I could not stick my tongue in his mouth and he had to stop each minute to swallow back his venom.

We kissed during our whole lunch break. I was sure Jessica could forgive me for that if I gave some minor details about our kiss.

We walked back hand in hand. I could not delete the smile from my face. We walked across the parking lot and almost arrived at the main entrance from the school when I heard a familiar voice.

´Bells?´

I turned around.

´Jake?´

Chapter Text

Chapter 23: Two Important Men

Edward POV:

Kissing Bella again after months of agony, after months of waiting and after months of regret was the gateway to my personal heaven. It released a primal feeling in me, and my world only existed of us two. Kissing Bella here, in the forest behind our school, was the perfect spot to secure our relationship again. In this exact spot, she told me she did not want to talk to any of us. And in this exact spot, she asked me to kiss her.

Once she gave me a gentle kiss on my lips, the feelings I had for her only strengthened the beliefs that this was the place where I belonged. I grabbed her face as I needed to feel her. I needed to feel the warmth of her blush to assure myself this wasn´t my imagination playing tricks on me. As I kissed her and she kissed me back, nothing else mattered anymore.

Once she had opened her lips to welcome me, I instinctively backed off. I was afraid the monster had returned, the monster that would long for her blood. But I was pleased to notice the burning feeling in my throat wasn't as potent as it once was. It was still there, but instead of a burn, it felt more like a tickle. A tickle I could ignore very easily. I was debating with myself if I should try to deepen our kiss or not.

And then she sealed her faith by licking my bottom lip. I wanted her. I've wanted to taste her for so long, always afraid of hurting her by accident. Now that I knew the monster in me backed off, I allowed myself to deepen our kiss.

I made sure she could not reach my razor-sharp teeth, teeth that could harm her. I reached out and tasted her bottom lip for the first time, immediately knowing I wanted more. No, I needed more. My own personal brand of heroin, and I could not get enough.

I suddenly felt the venom bottling up and I tried to swallow it back while kissing her. It did not work, so I had to pull myself away from Bella to swallow. Her breathing was heavy and her heart did somersaults in her chest. If I could have physical reactions, they would have matched hers. Even I was out of breath by our first kiss.

Afterwards, we desperately clung to each other again. Kissing Bella became easier and I knew I had enough self-restraint to contain the beast inside of me. Bella´s desperation matched mine and we spent each second of our lunch break in this forest until it was time to leave. We both didn't want to stop kissing the other, but I was sure it was the first kiss of many more.

We walked back hand in hand and I could not think about anything else than Bella. I didn't even notice Jacob Black standing next to a motorcycle until I heard him call her name.

´Bells?´

I felt Bella turn around to see where that sound came from. She saw Jacob and I saw her smile as a reaction to it.

´Jake?´ Bella asked, surprised to see him standing there. She tugged at our intertwined hands and made sure we both walked over to Jacob.

´Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing? How in the world did Billy allow you to drive a motorcycle? Wasn't that your punishment?´ she enthusiastically said to him before she realised me and Jacob weren't formally introduced to each other yet. ´Jake, this is Edward. And Edward, this is Jake.´ She looked at the both of us, anticipating how we could react to the other. We both were two important men in her life and we both knew it.

´Jacob,´ I nodded. I kept looking at him, irritated by the fact that I could not hear his thoughts. Alice was right, she could not see his future either and it was mildly irritating. I really wanted to know what he was thinking and what his feelings towards Bella were. I hadn't forgotten about their kiss and I wanted to know what that meant for him.

´Edward,´ Jacob responded. The look he was giving me spoke volumes; it was a look of pure anger.

Silence.

´Well, this is rather awkward,´ Bella mumbled. ´Jake, motorcycle. Please explain.´ She turned to him, partially begging him to talk with her to end this awkward exchange between us.

It took a second for Jacob to turn his gaze away from me and focus his attention on Bella instead. ´Simple, after our accident, Dad realised that I was always very careful on a motorcycle, so he allowed me to drive one again and he ended my punishment. I´m a free man now, baby,´ he winked at her.

Jacob mentioning the accident so casually sent my mind into overdrive. How could he speak so casually about that? The moments I thought Bella wouldn't wake up were the most angsty moments of my life. And he was also partially the reason for her ending up in the hospital. The rational part of me told me that wasn´t the case at all and Jacob was not to blame for that accident, but I needed someone to blame and he was standing right in front of me.

Also, why did he call Bella, my Bella, baby? I hadn't heard that pet name before, why did he call her that?

´Are you here for a ride then, handsome?´ Bella asked him.

Wait a minute, handsome? What was going on? With the hand I was holding Bella´s, I gently stroked her thumb and I heard her heartbeat stutter. At least that had not changed in the last 5 minutes or so. Then what was this? This flirtation? In front of me?

´I wanted to invite you, yes. I know you need to get to your classes now,´ he smiled at her. She happily squealed and could not hold in her excitement. Bella glanced over to me and seeing my angry posture made her face fall.

´I… I would love to, Jake,´ Bella said to him, suddenly unsure why my mood was so drastically different. ´Pick me up after school? My car´s still here.´ She glanced over to the parking lot.

´Will do. Laters Bells,´ Jacob gave her a quick hug.

´See you, Jake,´ Bella happily returned the hug and let go of my hand. My skin instantly ached for her touch and I watched them hugging each other. I had to tell myself they were friends and I had no reason to react the way I did but damn it. Could they please stop already?

They let go of each other and Jacob nodded in my direction before he drove off.

´What was that?´ Bella, observant as ever, asked me angrily. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and demanded an answer.

´I don't know what he's thinking, Bella. It's driving me nuts,´ I explained to her.

´Then why are you this angry? You also don't know what I´m thinking.´

I signed. ´That's different.´

´It's really not, Edward. What's your problem?´

´Well, I don´t know, Bella. Maybe my problem is the fact that you´re going to ride on a motorcycle with him. And I don't know what he's thinking so I don't know what you are to him. And you both kissed. And he calls you ´baby.´ I don't know what to make of this.´ I looked at Bella who was growing impatient with me.

´Give me a break, Edward. We´re friends. And friends are friendly with each other.´ She took a step in my direction. ´And I want to go on a ride with him, so I don´t exactly appreciate your tone right now.´

´But it could be dangerous, Bella, please.´ I tried to grab her hand again but she wouldn't let me.

´Edward, what do you want me to do? Never do anything dangerous because there might be a slight possibility something could go wrong? Lock me up already then.´ She rolled her eyes at me.

´You´re not being fair,´ I pleaded with her. ´I just try to look out for you. You know how much you mean to me. If something goes wrong, I can never forgive myself.´

´Edward, don't be like that. It's just a ride and you're smothering me right now. You can´t be in control all the time.´ Her words hit like daggers because I knew deep down there was some truth in them. If I could ´lock´ Bella up in the woods where we spend every second of everyday kissing, I would do it. And a year ago, if I would ask Bella to not do anything too reckless, she would also do it. She had changed whereas I had not.

´You´re right…,´ I told her. Bella became a bit calmer at my confession. ´I'm smothering you and I´m jealous, I know. But don´t you think I have a reason for that? I mean, you both kissed and are calling each other pet names. What do I make of that?´

Bella was lost in thought for a second. ´What could you see of our kiss? What did Alice show you?´ She asked me.

´I don't really want to relive it,´ I sheepishly explained to her.

That did not sit right with her. ´Try at least,´ she said.

And I thought hard about the kiss. How she clung to Jacob, how she desperately fought for his attention and how agitated she seemed. Her hands tucked at his shirt, pulling him closer to her. As close as possible. I had to shiver as the mental image left a bad taste in my mouth.

´Well?´ Bella asked me.

´Alice showed me the kiss, nothing more,´ I said to her. With Jacob in the picture, both Alice and I had trouble painting a full mental image of what had happened as he blocked our abilities.

Holy shit, there would be more, wouldn't it?

´So she did not let you see him pulling away? She did not let you see me crying afterwards? Or our little fight before the kiss? Me begging Jake not to leave me? Leave me as well, dare I say?´ Bella continued, a harsh tone in her voice I had not yet heard before.

´What do you mean, Bella?´ I asked her, afraid of her response.

She laughed and it wasn´t the light, cheerful sound that it normally was. Instead, it was a humourless little whimper and I prepared myself for the impact her words had on me.

´I was afraid he would leave me, just as you did. So, I tried to make him stay by kissing him. Satisfied?´ She raised an eyebrow and I felt my mouth drop open.

I thought only of one little sentence.

You did this. You did this. You did this.

This new revelation was a billion times worse than I had ever anticipated.

´Bella…,´ I tried to reach out to her. I had hurt her so much and I hoped and prayed I could ever make it right again. This time, she accepted my hand and held it in hers.

´It's alright, Edward. It's in the past. So, you don't have to be jealous about that kiss. It wasn't exactly an act of passion.´ She kept looking at something behind me as her mind drifted off.

´Anyway, we should get going, don´t want to be late for class.´

´Bella, please…,´ I tried to make her stay with me here, tried to explain my reasoning in more detail but she shut me out.

´Leave it, let's go.´

And she turned around and left, leaving me behind while wondering about all the things I had done wrong to her.

My next lesson was with Alice, lucky me. I sat down and she instantly started.

So, I saw you guys kiss… And after that, everything became blurry, what happened?
Alice almost jumped out of her seat with how happy she was bouncing up and down.

I hissed back at her. ´Jacob Black came, that´s what happened.´

Alice turned to face me.
What's wrong?

´Bella will go with him after school and I became protective of her. She was mad at me.´

Why would you get jealous?

´I don´t know, Alice. Maybe, because you showed me they kissed, that's why?! I can't read his damn mind so I don´t know what Bella means to him.´ I hissed a bit too loud, as I saw Mike Newton who was sitting in front of us looking up to see where the sudden sound came from.

Alice rolled her eyes at me.
And the fact she basically clung to you like a drowning woman to a buoy five minutes before that didn't even cross your mind?

´I just don't know, Alice.´

And that's new to you. Listen, Edward, the feeling that you have right now might be new to you and that's alright. You´ve never felt this way to anyone before so I can partly excuse your rude behaviour. But, it's clear Jacob means a lot to Bella. You have to accept that he's also important to her.

I signed. ´Can´t you just at least tell me if she´ll get an accident, please?´

Alice laughed.
No can do, brother. You need to let her go a little bit, let her make her own decisions and mistakes. You can't always be there for her, even if you want to be.

This time, it was my turn to raise my eyebrows at her. ´Since when have you become such an expert, Allie?

She smirked back at me in response.
Since someone needs to be and you´re basically ruining everything if I won´t interfere.

´I can't deny that...´

Bella POV:

Stupid Edward. First, he kissed me back and then he acted like a total dick towards Jake. That poor Jake. Although, he wasn't exactly the friendliest I had ever seen him either. Might have a little word with him later. I mean, what kind of show was that anyway? They just stared at each other! And Edward claimed to be jealous, as if!

´What's wrong, Bella?´ Jessica whispered to me.

I stopped my inner monologue, aggressively accusing both Edward and Jacob of horrible behaviour towards the other to face Jessica.

´You've been quiet and angry during the whole lesson. Are you alright?´ Jessica continued.

I closed my eyes for a second. I knew Edward could listen in on our conversation, so I made sure it was worth the spectacle.

´Edward and I kissed...´ I started. Jessica´s eyes lit up with excitement until she put the pieces together of the kiss and my attitude right now.

´Isn't that a good thing, I don´t understand?´

´Oh Jess, it's a wonderful thing. It was literally the best kiss I could have ever gotten. I felt amazing. Everything around me disappeared and the only thing that mattered to me were me and Edward. We were the only people on earth. Literally, if there would have been a bomb exploding or something, I would have never noticed since I was so lost in that kiss. I needed that kiss like I needed oxygen to breathe.´

There Edward, there you have it. I hope you are listening to this, stupid shit that you are. Jessica was confused.

´That sounds amazing, I´m so happy for the two of you. But then I don't understand what´s wrong?´

´Oh, that's not all. So we were walking back, right? Holding hands, everything was fine. And guess who showed up? Jake!´

I waited to see if my message got the desired effect. It worked, Jessica´s eyes got bigger and she grasped.

´Continue!´ She demanded. I smiled at her eagerness.

´Jake asked me to ride a motorcycle with him after school. So of course, I wanted it. But before that, I introduced them to each other and they were both so rude. They basically didn't say anything to the other. So Jake left and Edward was jealous. Really jealous. And it bothered me. And that's why I´m mad.´ I smiled at myself. Take that, Edward Cullen!

´I don´t understand, why was he jealous? I mean, you and Jacob are just friends, right? And I can imagine you made sure Edward knows that.´ Jessica asked me. Wait a minute, this conversation wasn't supposed to go in this direction.

´We might have kissed once,´ I weakly explained to her.

Jessica looked surprised at me. ´And you didn't even care to tell me?´

I avoided her stare. ´Edward knows about the kiss and Jake rejected me. That's why I didn't want you to know.´ I didn't want to elaborate any further. I hoped and I prayed Edward wasn't listening to us right now. But who was I kidding? Of course, he was.

´So, let me get this straight. You kiss Edward. You come back and find your best friend waiting for you. Or dare I say, male best friend since obviously me and Angela are your besties, right? So anyway, you see your male best friend whom you kissed. And your ex and maybe current boyfriend stands right next to you while you eagerly make plans with your best friend. And the ex reacts with jealousy to that. And you think that's weird? Bella, Bella, Bella… Cut Edward some slack.´ Jessica started laughing and I tried to reason with her.

´Jess, be quiet,´ I whispered to her.

´Eddy boy has some reason to be jealous, let me tell you that. If Owen had kissed a girl and he is constantly around her, I would for sure be jealous about that. Even if that girl rejected him. Think about that, babe,´ she winked at me and I was flabbergasted.

I had never thought about it like that. Was I in the wrong all along? Edward told me he only saw the kiss, not the aftermath. So he never knew why I kissed Jacob and how he reacted to it. He simply didn´t know. Because I´ve never told him.

So he might have a little reason to be jealous. Might. I still needed him to understand how important Jacob was to me. And Jacob needed to understand how important Edward will be again. They did not have to become friends, but I hoped they would tolerate each other. I needed them to tolerate the other.

When the school had ended, I figured I could tell Jacob all about Edward in order to understand him a bit better. I was still debating how I could approach the topic when I heard the familiar sound of a motorcycle engine. He stopped in front of me, grabbed a helmet for me and offered it to me.

´Hey, loca, ready for a ride?´ Jacob smiled at me.

I grabbed the helmet. ´Born ready,´ I said as I climbed behind him. I did not make any eye contact with Edward as we drove away, afraid I wouldn't go through with my original plan if I let myself linger in his stare for too long.

We drove out of the parking lot. I sometimes closed my eyes, and let myself enjoy this peaceful moment where I was alone with Jake and simply enjoyed the scenery, the wind through my hair and the excitement of riding a bike.

For some reason, I could not picture myself doing this with Edward. No, this would be way too threatening for him, I guess. I smiled, Edward was always so concerned for me. Jacob naturally also was afraid something would happen to me, but something as harmless as riding a bike wasn't one of the things he was afraid of.

It's so weird to think that two of the most important men in my life were so different.

We stopped at the side of the forest. I looked up, and I noticed I did not recognise this place.

´Aren't we going any further?´ I asked Jacob.

´You need to go back to pick up your car, remember? And I´m afraid that if I wait any longer, I will lose my courage. So hop on off.´ We both got off the bike and I turned around to face Jacob. Something that he said did not sit right with me.

´Lose your courage for what?´

He signed and put both his hands in his hair. ´Remember when you kissed me? I told you I was having an off day and you kept talking about the Cullens. And that annoyed me. Do you remember that?´

I nodded in response.

´I was annoyed, because… Well… I'm a werewolf, Bella.´

It's so weird to think that two of the most important men in my life weren't so different after all.

Chapter Text

Chapter 24: Werewolves

Bella POV:

´I was annoyed, because… Well… I'm a werewolf, Bella.´

I gasped in surprise. Surely, he was joking, right? It would be next to impossible for the small town of Forks to inhibit not one, but two magical creatures. No, I probably heard it all wrong. Or I misunderstood it. That had to be the reason. A silly joke. And I had thought for just a second that it was true. Oh, how stupid of me. Silly Bella. She believes everything you tell her, haha. Silly girl. I was sure Jacob and his dad would get a good laugh out of this conversation once he told Billy. I signed.

´Haha. I get it. You´re large, you have tons of muscles and your hormones make you hairy in puberty. Nice joke, Jake. You almost got me.´ I was almost annoyed at him. What a stupid joke! And it wasn't even funny, to begin with.

Jacob looked unbothered by my remark. He kept looking at me, to see when I would finally connect all the dots. ´I understand you think I'm joking, but I´m telling you the truth, Bells. I wasn't allowed to tell you, but I wanted to.´

It absolutely couldn´t be, could it? Was everyone I grew close with, suddenly a magical creature? I could not believe my ears. ´I absolutely do not understand, Jake. What does this mean?´ I asked him.

´I want to tell you, Bella. Tell you everything I know. But please do not interrupt me, because I'm afraid I can't continue if I stop before I´ve told you everything. I´ll promise I will answer every question you still have for me at the end. Is that alright with you?´ Jacob looked up, his eyes filled with innocence and hope that I would hear him out. And I felt in the pit of my stomach that even though he had just told me he was different, to me he was still the same.

I nodded.

He closed his eyes for a second. ´Thank you, Bells.´

I did not answer him, afraid that would scare him off.

He opened his eyes and kept looking over my shoulder. ´So… I'm a werewolf. A real one. A giant wolf, so to say. I haven't known about it for too long, actually. And believe me, finding out about it was an even bigger shock to me than to you. I guess that's one of the reasons why I love hanging out with you so much, Bells. You didn't know that part of me, and to you, I was still human. And for a moment, I could pretend I was human. But I can't pretend anymore,´ Jacob explained. He made eye contact with me and I shivered.

´Please, don't be scared of me, Bells,´ Jacob pleaded, misinterpreting my reaction.

´I´m not, Jake. I promise. Please continue,´ I whispered. And I knew it was true. This man in front of me was still Jacob Black, I was sure of it.

He swallowed. ´Alright. So, I can't pretend anymore, since you're now way closer with the Cullens again, so you will learn about it sooner than later. And I´d rather have it if you learn it from me….Bella, I´m sure you saw how Edward and I reacted to each other in the parking lot just now. And I'm sure you wondered why. Do you know why?´ He hopefully asked me.

I, unfortunately, had no idea what he was talking about. ´No?´

´Werewolves are the natural enemies of… Vampires,´ Jacob explained to me. I was sure all the colour drained from my face as I was shocked to hear Jacob knew about vampires. How did he know? Surely, he didn't know about the Cullens, right? But he already answered my unspoken question.

´I know the Cullens are vampires, Bells. It´s a tribe legend that they are. And I know you know that too.´ Jacob stared intensely at me. I could not keep my face in check as I was truly surprised by the turn of this whole conversation. This could not be real.

´H… How?´ I managed to stutter. Denying it was pointless anyway as I´m sure Jacob knew more than I at this point.

´Look at your wrist,´ Jacob ordered me, his eyes flickered with anger. I did. I had a bright, white scar, where I had been bitten by a vampire from another coven a year ago. It was almost invisible, and only the trained eye could see it.

To me, the scar reminded me of the fact that not all vampires were vegetarians, like the Cullens. Not all vampires only feed on animal blood. Luckily, I only had a scar to remind me of the attack. It could have been much worse if it weren't for the Cullens.

´You´ve been bitten by a vampire, Bells. You were in danger. And… each time a human is in danger due to vampires, we as werewolves shift for the first time. Don´t worry, I haven't been a werewolf for over a year, but I did shift just two weeks ago. You know… When you and the Cullens got closer, again.´ Jacob stared at me, but I could not understand what he was saying. My eyes widened.

´But that can't be possible. It´s a mistake. I mean, the Cullens would do me no harm, I'm sure of it. You´re wrong, Jake. I´m sorry.´ I was begging him to hear me out. There had to be a mistake here. The Cullens would never hurt me. Jacob probably didn't know they were vegetarians, that had to be it.

Jasper almost hurt you, a nagging voice at the back of my mind whispered to me.

No, that was a mistake. He didn't want to.

But he could…

No, stop it. I shook my head. The Cullens would never hurt me. Period. There had to be another explanation for it.

´What other explanation do you have, Bells? It all points out. Suddenly, you see them each day and suddenly, I change? Seems too much of a coincidence, don´t you think? Billy told me the tribe legends, told me the Cullens are vampires and we as werewolves try to protect humans from vampires. It's the only explanation I can think of that actually makes sense.´ Jacob grew agitated as a line appeared between his brows. I had to calm him down somehow.

´Jake, hear me out. When I hear your explanation, I can understand your reasoning, I really do. But please listen to me; the Cullens would never hurt me. I understand that you will never be friends with them and I understand your attitude towards them, I really do. But they would never hurt me. There was to be another explanation for your shift. There has to be!´

Jacob turned his back on me. I tried to approach him so I reached my hand out to him but he quickly put a stop to that.

´Please don´t, Bells. I shift form when I'm angry or upset so I need to calm down first. This is also very new to me.´

He walked away from me. I saw how upset he was as I waited, trying to give him his peace.

´What can I do to help you?´ I asked him, once I saw he returned.

´I suppose staying away from the Cullens is too much to ask?´ he asked me. And I saw he tried to say it as a light and funny joke, but with a very serious undertone in it. It did not have the desired effect, as I felt a knot in my stomach at the thought of losing the Cullens, again. His statement reminded me of my original plan for this afternoon.

´Jake, regardless of you being a werewolf, I actually wanted to talk to you about that.´ I maintained my distance, as I was sure this next conversation had the potential of upsetting him. ´As you know, Edward and I are working on a Biology assignment together. These past few days, we've talked a lot about us and I actually want to try to rekindle our relationship...´ I looked up and saw that Jacob grew angry. His jaw tightened and he tried to take a step in my direction. I quickly took a step back. That seemed to remind him of his current state and he looked away, trying to calm himself again.

´After everything I've just told you? They could be dangerous, Bells! Even Edward!´ He took a few deep breaths and gritted his teeth. ´How can I protect you?´ He said, much calmer now.

´Please, Jake. I really feel that there has to be another explanation for it. Maybe another vampire coven is coming to Forks? That could be it! I mean, you shifted and it doesn't have to be because of the Cullens, right? Just a vampire threat so it could be anything. Please just trust me on this, Jake. Trust that I know the Cullens better than anyone else.´
He turned to look at me, sadness filling his eyes. ´Bella, if they ever hurt you… Knowing I could have stopped it...´

I nodded. I could understand his reasoning and I knew he wanted me safe, but I also knew he had nothing to worry about. ´I would never ask you to be friendly to them Jake, not now I know this about you. I understand you´re both natural enemies. But please, trust me on this.´

He signed. ´And Edward?´

The corner of my mouth involuntarily lifted up. ´Edward will stay. Hopefully for a long time. As I said, we've talked and I understand him. The feelings that I had for him never really went away and we want to try again. It… it's still new, it's still fresh. But I'm willing to give it a shot.´ I hadn't noticed I avoided eye contact and kept staring at my shoes until Jacob stood in front of me, lifting my chin up.

´Look at me, Bells. You could be right, alright? That I shifted could be from another vampire coven. It could be. But I don't think so. So all I'm asking you is, to please keep your guard up. If they make you feel threatened in any way, please come to me. If you´re uncomfortable around them, call me. And if Edward ever dumps you again, I will piss on his car, alright? I mean, what 17-year-old drives such a nice car anyway? It's uncanny!´ Jacob said, half-jokingly.

Even though this conversation didn't turn out the way I expected it to be, I still had to laugh. I tried to bite my lip to prevent it from happening, but it was unstoppable. ´Did you know Jessica wanted to key his car if he dumps me again?´

´Even better. But back to what I've said before, will you promise me you´ll come to me if you feel uncomfortable around them?´ Jacob offered me his hug and I ran into his open arms.

´I'll promise,´ I said to him as I embraced him back. ´Will you now tell me more about this werewolf stuff?´

I felt him laugh as we pulled back from each other. ´I thought it would have been perfectly clear by now. I mean, there is not that much to tell anyway.´

´It had to be clear by what? That stupid werewolf movie you made me watch on Saturday?´ I rolled my eyes at him. ´I hated that movie, by the way.´

´I´m sorry, I´m sorry.´ Jacob held his hands in front of him, a universal sign of surrender. ´I thought it was quite funny, actually.´

´Did your humour leave you once you become a werewolf, or what? I was so scared that I had to watch a romcom afterwards to calm myself down a bit.´ I gave him a dirty look.

´Not funny!´

´So let me get this clear. Finding out I'm a werewolf is not scary at all but watching a movie about werewolves is super scary to you?´ Jacob grinned. ´You never made much sense.´

´Very funny. Now shut up and finally tell me more, please?´ I asked him instead.

´What do you want to know?´

´For starters, don´t you turn into a werewolf at a full moon?´

Jacob burst out laughing. ´No! That's just folklore. I swear I only turn when I'm upset,´ he said with a wide grin on his face.

Thinking about the Cullens and their diet, I asked him. ´Alright. So you don't turn at a full moon. What about your diet? What do you eat?´

His eyes lit up. ´Humans.´ I must have looked shocked as he started laughing again. ´Just normal food, Bells. Relax, you are not appetizing to me.´

I rolled my eyes at him. ´You sure think you´re funny. But how does this whole thing work? You say you protect humans from vampires, right? Since when? Who´s also secretly a werewolf?´

´That, I can't tell, Bells. I´m sorry. But I think you can figure that out on your own. I just told you my secret because I want you to be on your guard at all times, for your own good. I can´t tell you more than this. And since when... I don´t know actually. I only know the basics. Anything else you might want to know?´

Suddenly, a thought came to mind. Both Alice and Edward told me they could not read Jacob´s mind or future. Could that have anything to do with this? I debated whether I should ask Jacob about this, but I figured it wasn´t my place to ask. Jacob told me he knew about the Cullens and he might not know anything about their special abilities, so I would not be the one to tell him that.

´That would be all. For now,´ I smiled at him.

´Shall we go back then?´ He asked, relieved.

I hopped on his motorcycle and let him drive me to school. I felt that this would be a new chapter in our friendship and I was very pleased with the turn of events. To me, he was still the same Jake as before, only a little bit stronger.

Fifty meters before school, Jacob pulled over.

´I hope you don´t mind, Bells, but I don't want to deal with any Cullen right now. Do you mind walking this part?´

´No worries, I understand,´ I reassured him before hopping off the motorcycle. We silently hugged and Jacob drove away. I watched him leave before I turned around to walk to school, ready to face Edward. One man down, one more to go.

Edward POV:

Bella had been gone for almost an hour. The rest of my family members had taken the Hummer to return home but I couldn't wait to see her again. I needed to speak with Bella and I needed to do that alone. I needed to apologize to her because I now knew that Alice was partially right. I needed to respect that Jacob was a part of Bella´s life now and that the two of them would be intertwined.

Nonetheless, I also hoped that Jessica was partially right. Surely, my behaviour wasn't that out of line, right? I might have had a teeny tiny reason to be jealous.

So, I´ve been eagerly waiting next to Bella´s car, in the hopes that we could drive together. We might even go to my place again to work on our Biology assignment again.

Just as I wanted to relive the wonderful afternoons that we had spent since that Biology assignment, I heard both Bella´s and Jacob´s heartbeats. I heard his motorcycle stop just a couple of meters before our school and I heard the two of them talking. Apparently, Jacob did not want to see any member of my family right now. That might be a bit too harsh, as I wasn´t that rude towards him, was I? Bella agreed and she hopped off. Did she also think I was that rude towards him? Surely I wasn´t, right? And he wasn't that friendly towards me either. So why did he react that way? My forehead creased as I recalled our previous conversation. What important detail was I missing?

I heard Bella approaching me and as soon as I had her in my vision, my eyes lit up with anticipation. Finally! Bella's eyes widened in response as she had probably not thought I would wait for her next to her own car. She wasn't expecting me here. As soon as she saw me, I noticed she walked a bit faster, as if she could not wait to get near me again. Or at least, that's what I hoped.

´Bella, I…,´ I started, but she had already interrupted me.

´Edward, listen. I owe you an apology,´ Bella said while looking up, her eyes filled with regret.

´No Bella, I owe you one,´ I responded, hoping she was referring to the discussion after our kiss and not the kiss itself. I reached out to grab her hand. Her heartbeat quickened to our touch and her face flushed. She softly caressed my hand before she spoke again.

´No, Edward. You had every right to be jealous. I see that now. I never talked to you about Jake so you wouldn't know anything about our relationship. But the truth is, we're friends. We have always been friends and we will always be friends. We know each other since we´re both toddlers and he quickly became one of my best friends in the whole world.´

Talking about Jacob brought a smile to her face and I nodded in return, asking her to continue. Until she reached the next part of her apology, which made her smile fade.

´We argued and I thought he would leave me. So I was afraid and I saw red. I tried to stop him by kissing him. It was a mistake and it was rude to him. It should've never happened. I simply wasn't thinking straight. Because I have never felt for him, what I feel for you, Edward. Jake stopped the kiss, saw I was upset and he did not get mad at me for it. He understood my reasoning.´

Bella looked up, her lower lip trembling as she was fighting back tears. ´Please, don´t ever feel jealous of that kiss or Jake. I never felt for him what I feel for you.´

I slowly kissed the tears away that had fallen on her cheeks.

´In return, Bella, I should apologise to you. I cannot read Jacob´s mind so I immediately thought the worst. While I should have respected your judgement. I was jealous, extremely jealous, because I was scared. Scared of losing you. But I should have realised that Jacob obviously means a lot to you. He is a part of your life and I hope to be, as well. You guys are friends and I should not have acted that way.´ I kissed the tip of her nose which made her smile. ´Please forgive me as well.´

Bella signed. ´I should have told you already that the kiss meant nothing. I let you in the dark because I was partly embarrassed.´ Her nose wrinkled. ´We´re both acting stupid.´

I had to laugh. ´You´re right, we´re both acting stupid. But believe me, Bella. You have done nothing to be embarrassed off.´ I kissed her forehead and she wrapped her arms around me in return.

´But… How was the ride?´ I asked while planting a soft kiss in her hair. I felt her getting tense and that surprised me. I thought we had already done the hard part of this conversation. What more could there be?

´It was… unexpected,´ she eventually told me, not letting go of our hug.

´How come?´ I asked her. She took a deep breath and faced me. Apparently, whatever it is she is about to tell me, has been weighing her down.

´I can't tell you, Edward. Believe me, I want to but I'm afraid it's a secret. Jake doesn't want anyone to know and I need to respect that as it is not my secret to tell. I mean, I respect your secret as well, right? And believe me, I don't want to leave you in the dark on this, but I owe it to him. I might tell you about it someday, but not today. Not so shortly after I discovered it myself.´

I could see she desperately wanted to tell me, but her loyalty to Jacob was holding her back. I respected that. I gave her a quick kiss on her lips to assure her I would not push further.

´Okay,´ I said to her.

She closed her eyes for a second. ´Therefore, you won't be seeing Jake again for a while. It has to do with his secret. Trust me on this.´

´It's alright, Bella. I won't interfere.´ I kissed her lips again and this time, she kissed me back. Memories of our more than pleasant lunch break in the woods came flooding back to me. Unfortunately for me, Bella pulled away before we could deepen our kiss. She had way more self-restraint than I! She seductively bit her lip - something I would love to do if my teeth weren't razor-sharp.

´Duty calls, Edward. I can't kiss you here all day, we have to work on our assignment,´ Bella winked at me.

´You should not have bitten your lip, then,´ I whispered at her, stealing just one more quick kiss for the road.

This time, we managed to work a little bit on our assignment. No one kept interrupting us, so we sat down at the kitchen table and quickly wrote down a few pages. I was positively sure we would be almost finished with it altogether. A part of me would miss these study sessions, but I knew we would find something else to study together instead. Or we would be occupied with something else…

I smiled and quickly kissed Bella on her cheek.

´What was that for?´ she asked me.

´I was just thinking about this assignment, and that we´re almost done with it. I will miss it,´ I explained to her.

Bella raised an eyebrow at me. ´Is this your way of saying our relationship ends when this assignment is over? I´m just joking, by the way. I understand what you´re saying. Who would have thought we would rekindle over Biology?! The same class we've met in. Full circle moment, I say.´ She smiled warmly at me.

´Indeed,´ I agreed with her.

´But Edward… There is something else that is bothering me,´ Bella hesitantly said. I was on guard, because after everything that we discussed today, I could not understand what was left undiscussed. For some reason, her announcement did not alarm me, but it made me immensely curious.

´What is it, Bella?´

´Something is missing...´ Her face reddened.

´I don´t understand, what do you mean?´ I felt my forehead creasing as I tried to understand what she was saying.

´Edward, would you please come to my room tonight? I miss you.´

Chapter Text

Chapter 25: Sleepover Fluff

Bella POV:

I was hesitant to invite Edward to my room at first, but I realised I´ve missed it. I've wanted to sleep in his arms tonight and no one could stop me. And after a day like today, all I wanted was to cuddle and relax. Whisper sweet nothings to each other and fall asleep. Or at least, I would.

Edward had no clue what I was about to ask him. My cheeks turned red. I was sure he wouldn't turn me down, but I was still a bit shy. What if he would? I've made it pretty clear I didn't want him in my room at night anymore and I knew he respected that wish. Still, now that we've kissed, things were different between us, right?

Edwards forehead creased and I wanted to softly kiss that wrinkle away. Contain yourself, woman! Well, here goes nothing.

´Edward, would you please come to my room tonight? I miss you.´ I confidently asked him, even though it was a little bit staged. Fake it till you make it, as they say.

His eyes lit up as he put two and two together. ´Are you sure, Bella?´

Of course! I batted my lashes at him. ´Yes. I´m inviting you.´

´Then I would love to come.´ Edward smiled his dazzling smile and I was happy I was sitting, otherwise I would for sure fall with how unsteady my legs suddenly felt.

´Good, good. Come once you hear Charlie's sleeping.´ I tried to be a little bit distant and not show my eagerness for tonight but the corners of my mouth involuntarily lifted. There goes my poker face.

´Alright.´ Edward absolutely showed his excitement. He started smiling broadly and I saw a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He instantly relaxed and I saw a glimpse of pure euphoria flicker in his eyes.

Oh, who was I kidding? I started grinning with him. Yes, I too, couldn't wait for tonight, is what my eyes told him.

After our little arrangement, it was almost next to impossible to focus on Biology again, but we managed to pull through. I would even go as far and say we´re finished with it but that could also be part of my wishful imagination. If we would not receive an A for this, I would not know what else we had to do.

And as much as I loved the Cullens, I was happy we could work on it without being interrupted.

I gathered my stuff and Edward walked me to my car. I felt a little bit tense with anticipation. I stood next to my car and my fingers played with my keys. Edward followed my gaze and his eyes lingered on my hands. He slowly looked up and I saw the dedication in his eyes.

He then wrapped me in his strong arms. My heart was almost bouncing out of my chest. He set his eyes on me with a seriousness that unsettled me and made me blush. I felt like I was melting in his arms and I had no clue where this would lead us. Oh well, no. I did have some ideas. I lifted my face to meet him halfway, making the angle to kiss me a bit smaller.

As if he needed that! Edward pressed his lips to mine, gently at first but more persistent as our kiss lingered. He opened his mouth slightly and put my lower lip in between his, while lightly sucking at it, tasting the sweet skin of my lip for the first time.

This new sensory feeling was almost too much to handle. He must have felt I stood quite unsteady at my feet, as he stopped kissing me like that and planted a quick peck on my lips instead.

´You didn't have to stop,´ I pleaded with him. It was true, I just needed a quick minute to catch my breath again.

Edward raised an eyebrow at me. His eyes got a little dark edge around the irresses again. I didn't like the look he was giving me and as a result, I wanted to show him I was good to go again.

I reached out and cupped his face in my hand. This time, I kissed him and this time, I did not want to waste any more time as I parted my lips slightly, welcoming his cold tongue in my mouth. This slightly surprised him, but he kissed me back instantly.

Before he had time to pull back and swallow his venom, I stopped kissing him altogether. He looked disappointed for our kiss to stop, but I winked at him, said my goodbyes, turned around and got in my car. I reminded him to come as Charlie was asleep, waited a minute for my heart to beat normally again and drove away.

I was in control.

Or at least, that's what I was telling myself as I drove home. Before Edward could come over, I had to make sure everything would be ready. As I returned home, I quickly cooked some pasta for Charlie and I. Afterwards, I kept myself busy with my homework assignments. Since Charlie had to work very early tomorrow, he would head to bed soon.

So I decided to brush my teeth, comb my hair and put on my pajamas already. I opened the window for Edward and I put the CD he gave me for my birthday in the stereo. I started reading a book to keep myself busy. I did not want to admit it, but I was quite nervous for tonight. I mean, I tend to talk in my sleep and I didn´t know what I would be brabbeling about. I only wanted to sleep next to Edward again, damnit!

Charlie knocked on my door and wished me a goodnight. The nervous knot in my stomach returned. Why was I this nervous? It would only be Edward. And I asked him to come?! What was wrong with me?

After a few minutes, I heard Charlie snoring peacefully. This is it. I tried to read again but a little bit of wind grabbed my attention. I looked up and saw Edward sitting in the chair in my room, totally relaxed.

´Hey.´ He smiled at me as if he were exactly where he wanted to be. As if he never left. And I felt he truly belonged here. Here, in my room and here, with me.

´Hey,´ I returned his smile, feeling my nervousness slowly go away and my excitement returning. I wanted this. I walked over to the stereo to silence the music.

I walked over to the chair and sat down in his lap. I put my arm behind him and he wrapped both of his arms around me. He put his nose in my neck and slowly inhaled my odor. As he did that, I felt his hair tickle my nose and I awkwardly kissed him where I could reach him.

I only now noticed the change of clothes.

´Why did you change your outfit?´

I felt him smile against my neck before he planted a kiss there. ´When we will drive together to school tomorrow, I don't want to wear the exact same clothes as yesterday. What will the people think, Bella?´ He asked while raising an eyebrow at me. I chuckled. We´ve always acted very PG-13 so there wouldn't be much to tell.

´So, will you stay until tomorrow?´ I asked.

´Only if you want me to,´ he explained while he studied my face, searching for a sign that I did not want that.

I´ve decided to tease him a little bit. ´Let me think…,´ I glanced up to the ceiling while I fought back my smile.

´Okay, you can stay,´ I exclaimed and his face lit up. Edward kissed my cheek and I giggled.

´You had me worried there for a second,´ he said in between kisses. I could almost hear my own heart react to his touch.

´Charlie will have to go to work early anyway. And as I said before, I´ve missed you.´ I moved my head a bit so that our noses touched. Nose to nose. Forehead to forehead. I closed my eyes and let myself linger in this moment. This one, beautiful and perfect moment where I was alone with Edward and I felt truly at peace. Our breathing became synchronised and I felt calm again. It was true, I´ve missed him. Once he left me, I physically missed Edward around me and when he came back, I´ve missed the emotional bond that we shared. We were out of sync and did not understand the other. But now, I truly felt synchronised again.

´I´ve missed you too. More than you can ever imagine,´ he whispered.

I smiled. ´I might have had an idea.´ I leaned in for another kiss.

His cold lips on mine sent shivers down my spine and my breathing became unsteady again. My cheeks reddened and my heartbeat quickened. I guess some things might never change. Oh well…

My hands in his hair, and his arms around me, he gently stood up. He had wrapped an arm under my legs and one arm around my back and he was carrying me towards the bed, bridal style.

He softly laid me down and put the covers on top of me. He laid down next to me, on the covers, and kissed me again.

´Wait,´ I said to him, as a thought came to mind. He always laid down on top of the covers, wouldn´t it be more convenient if he laid down next to me, wrapped in a blanket? So I stood up and grabbed a blanket. I placed the blanket on top of Edward to create a little barrier between our bodies as he was so cold, and I covered the both of us under the covers.

Now, if someone would walk in on us, it would seem like we were both under the covers.

´This is better,´ I said to him. I made myself comfortable and snuggled up to Edward. I took his arm and placed it so that I could rest my head on it.

´Isn't it too cold for you?´ Edward worriedly asked me.

´No, it's just fine. Relax.´ I kissed the tip of his nose and when I looked at him, I saw him smiling at me.

´What is it?´ I chuckled.

Instead of answering me, he reached out and stroked my cheek with his hand. He leaned in and softly kissed my lips. And my cheeks. And my forehead.

´I love you, Bella,´ Edward whispered. ´So long, and goodnight.´ Then, he started to softly mumble my lullaby to me. He must have heard that I listened to it before he came.

Hearing the familiar song made me sleepy and I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier. I nestled into his embrace and closed my eyes.

´I love you too, Edward,´ I whispered back while I was fighting back my sleep. I think he managed to hear me, since I heard him chuckle but I didn't know for sure…

I woke up and for a second, thought I had dreamt it all. I had never realised my imagination would be so vivid! But then I felt something on my chest, something heavy and cold. I opened my eyes and saw messy, bronze hair. So it wasn't a dream after all!

Edward´s head laid on my chest and he listened to my steady heartbeat. I reached out and ran my fingers through his velvety soft hair. I smiled. This was a lovely way to wake up for sure!

´Good morning,´ said the pile of hair. Edward slowly lifted his head from my chest and planted a kiss on my lips. I felt his smile against my lips and I was smiling right back at him.

´Good morning,´ I lazily said before I had to gawn. I stretched a bit, making sure sleep left my body and I would be fully awake.

Edward gave me one of his crooked smiles and my heart stuttered. ´I love you too.´

I raised my eyebrow at him. ´What?´

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. ´In your sleep, you constantly said that you love me. I had to wait until you woke up before I could return the favour. It was a long night
for sure.´ Edward wickingly smiled at me.

He leaned in and kissed my nose. ´I love you.´
He kissed my forehead. ´I love you.´
He kissed my cheeks. ´I love you.´
He wanted to kiss my lips. And then… My stomach started growling. He started laughing and I joined him.

´Perks of dating a human,´ I said, as I planted a quick kiss on his lips. He lifted me up and we both got out of the bed. Charlie already left for work so we had the house to ourselves. We went straight to the kitchen.

´Let me make breakfast for you,´ Edward said. I stood still, uncertain if I heard him right. Edward wanted to make breakfast for me? He had never done so.

´Don´t look so nervous, Bella. Have a little faith in me.´ Edward pretended to be a little bit offended. And I´ve decided I will just see what he comes up with. It might be tasty.

´So, pancakes?´ Edward asked. Oh, this morning just got better and better. Who would say no to pancakes?

´Sounds great,´ I encouraged him. His face lit up with anticipation and he turned around, ready to begin. He was searching for flour, milk, eggs and a decent pan.

I sat down and watched him. For the first time since I've known him, he seemed utterly at loss. It was endearing to watch, actually. Edward, my Edward, who could do absolutely anything, was struggling to make normal pancakes. And I wondered where and when he even learned to make them.

´Emmett and I practised,´ Edward answered my unspoken question. My heart filled with love as I envisioned those two, in the kitchen, struggling to make pancakes. Emmett, large and strong as a bear and Edward, absolutely talented in anything, in the kitchen, mixing flour with eggs and sugar to make the perfect pancake. I had to see it in action.

´Why didn't you ask Esme? Her brownies were delicious.´ I asked him.

´She would secretly make a pile and pretend I made them. And I wanted to make them myself. You know how Esme is. I would think I´ve made the perfect pancake, come over to your house and absolutely ruin them here. No, I asked Emmett instead. I needed a strong critic.´ He turned around to smile warmly at me.

´Well, you sure made me curious,´ I smiled back at him. That seemed to caught him off guard as he quickly turned around again.

´No flirting with the chef, Bella. I need to concentrate.´ Edward was now mixing all the ingredients and I couldn't help but chuckle.

´Isn't that supposed to be my line?´ I asked him as he always caught me off guard. He laughed in response.

Edward, standing in my kitchen, making pancakes for me certainly was a sight for sore eyes. If only the pancakes would taste as good as watching him, he could make them anytime again. And even if they tasted bad... He tried to make them, for me and it was the thought that counted. I felt loved. Loved by the fact that he loved me.
He took a plate and placed the pancakes on it. He gave me the plate and a fork and eagerly watched as I took the first bite. I smiled encouragingly at him, hoping to remind him that I love him, even if the pancakes don't taste good.

Hold that thought.

He had accidently switched sugar and salt. The pancakes were shit. I swallowed and he must have seen my face. His brows furrowed as he tried to make sense of what was wrong with them.

´No worries, Edward. You've switched sugar and salt. I'm sure they would have been absolutely perfect otherwise.

He silently took the plate and returned to the stove. ´Attempt one; failed.´

Edward POV:

Luckily, attempt two was a great success. Thank God! Bella was very appreciative of the food and it was truly a joy to watch her eat. She had been very hungry and the pancakes were gone before I knew it.

After her little breakfast, she headed over to her room to change. We soon had to head out and she wasn't even remotely ready yet.

As she left, I let myself think about the other night. In her sleep, Bella had tangled herself around me as if she tried to get closer to me. Her arms were wrapped around me and as a result, I held her there. It was truly marvelous to hold her in my arms all night. My joy was overpowering. Our first night together had been brilliant and I would not change a thing.
The moment she had been in a deep sleep and started mumbling sweet nothings, was the moment I wished I could sleep, so that I could dream of her. Her silent, ´Edward, I love you´s´ were music to my unbeating heart. How I wished she would wake so that I could tell her the same thing!

Once the sun came out, I laid my head over her chest. Her heartbeat was the most soothing sound in the world and it sang, just for me.
I smiled. Last night had been wonderful and it would hopefully be the first of many wonderful nights together. Just then, I heard Bella come down the stairs. She was wearing a casual sweater-dress and I held my arms open for her, as an invite for a quick hug.

She rushed down the stairs and jumped into my embrace. Her arms tightly wrapped around me, her face in my neck. She started grinning and I couldn't help but laugh with her.

I then felt her warm, soft lips on my neck, where she softly kissed me. From the little hollow under my ear all the way up to my shoulder, her lips made a path of little kisses on my body. My mouth fell open in surprise. Oh my.

´Bella…,´ I sighed. Pleased with my reaction, Bella slightly opened her mouth and gently nibbled down my neck. She sucked on my cold skin, tasting it on her tongue, before she pulled away. Her pupils were slightly darkened and she was breathing heavier than before.

She then kissed me and the taste of her warm tongue against mine brought me to life. I pulled her closer, as close as possible and fiercely kissed her back. My hands grabbed her hair and I wished this moment would not have to come to an end. Bella clung to me as if her life depended on it. Eventually, she had to catch her breath and I needed to swallow.

´Wow,´ Bella whispered, out of breath and a little shaken.

´Indeed,´ I whispered. I, too, was out of breath. It was actually quite ironic. I could easily kill the entire school in mere seconds and it would not be hard physically speaking.

But here I was, kissing her, and I was out of breath I didn't really needed.

I held her hand in mine and we left the house. We walked over to her car and she insisted she wanted to drive. I rolled my eyes at her, I guess some things never changed. We slowly -way too slowly for my liking- drove to school. There, we quickly grabbed the attention of our classmates.
Bella didn't care. She held my hand in hers as we walked to school. She gave a few smiles here and there but she was completely unbothered by the fact we were the main attraction of the parking lot.

Inside the school, I heard Jessica´s quite loud thoughts. She thought we looked cute together and although I might be biased, I had to agree with her. Luckily, Bella had already prepared her friends for our reunion so it wasn´t that remarkable to them.

During school, Bella wanted to sit next to her friends during classes, but she wanted to spend our lunch break together. I missed her, but she assured me she could not just abandon her friends right now. They wanted to hear at least a few details of our reunion. As much as I wanted to give them their privacy, Jessica, again, was very loud and her thoughts were pretty clear. I chuckled as she began describing all the slur words she would scrape on my car if I hurt Bella in any way.

Luckily for me, Bella and I had Biology without Jessica or Angela, so we sat down next to each other as close as possible during that lesson. Our teacher did not like it, but given we were the top students of his class, he allowed it.

And then, our lunch break came. Bella and I sneaked to the woods behind the school to repeat our little break from yesterday. This time, I made sure she would eat something as well. This resulted in an eye roll from her, but then her stomach gave her away and started growling.

After school, I suggested we would go to the meadow again and Bella happily agreed. The meadow was our spot and we hadn't been there in almost 9 months. The place held a special place in my heart, as it was the place where I first showed Bella my abilities as a vampire. I showed her I sparkled in sunlight and it was there, where I made the decision that I would do anything to protect the girl in front of me. Once I showed her the meadow, it became clear to me that we were connected in a way that was truly unbreakable. The place held one of the most special memories I've had with Bella.

After that first time, we regularly went back to truly be alone. We would often just lay down and watch each other. Or we would talk about anything. And as our relationship was now stronger than ever, I thought it would be a great idea to visit that place again.

And now we would. Bella drove us towards the woods. We made the silent agreement that she was responsible for getting us to the woods and I was responsible for bringing us to the meadow. As in; I would run and she would cling to my back.

Bella pulled over and we both got out of the car. She was a bit hesitant to hop on my back, as she got very nauseous the first time around and we had not run together for a long time.

´Remember to close your eyes,´ I reassured her.

She nodded and hopped on. I started running and I felt her smiling against me. She felt relaxed, so there was nothing to worry about. The cool wind felt amazing and I truly missed running with Bella. Running was a part of who I was and I was pleased to share that part with her. Meters before the meadow, I came to a stop and Bella got off.

´It's still beautiful,´ she said to me as she walked towards the meadow. Our meadow. And she was right. I also hadn't been here for months as I had to reason for being there without Bella. So it was also the first time I would see the meadow again. And it hadn´t changed a bit. It was still a little piece of quietness, filled with purple flowers. A small sanctuary.

´Just like you,´ I cheekily said to her as we both walked to the centre, holding hands. As much as Bella wanted to give a sarcastic remark, she actually beamed.

We sat down and Bella came crawling to me. I held her in my arms as we watched the peacefulness of nature together. I kissed the top of her head and she pressed her back more firmly against my chest in return. My head rested on her shoulder and my nose followed the curve of her neck, inhaling her intoxicating scent along the way. Her scent became more prominent, meaning she was blushing at this very moment. I grinned.

´What's so funny,´ Bella asked behind her, hating to be left in the dark.

´I was just thinking how much I love your blush...,´ I kissed her cheek once. ´… But I love you altogether.´ I gave her lots of quick kisses on her face, resulting in her squealing and laughing with pleasure.

´Ieh, Edward. Stop, you´re tickling me. I can't breathe,´ Bella laughed, out of breath. I laughed devilishly as I leaned in, preparing to give her more ticklish kisses.

Just then, I heard my sister Alice. What was she doing here? I did not immediately concentrate on her thoughts as I was still wondering why on earth she would be here right now. As I heard her running towards me and Bella, her thoughts became more clear to me and I only whispered one word.

´Victoria.´

Chapter Text

Chapter 26: Victoria

Edward POV:

´Victoria,´ I whispered. I instinctively strengthened my grip around Bella´s waist. Not again! Was this Bella´s fate? Was she doomed to encounter danger at any time, simply because she was with me? Danger could not keep away from her and neither could I. So I quickly prayed to all the Gods that would listen, to please protect Bella from her. Please protect Bella from any danger and please, keep her safe.

How in the hell could Victoria be here? Victoria was a member of another coven, a coven that fed on human blood. A year ago, Victoria´s mate attacked Bella and almost killed her in the process. My family killed her mate as a result. Was that the reason Victoria was back? To get revenge on us?

Edward, I saw Victoria. She's coming! Soon! Listen to me, she´s after Bella. We need to protect her. Get Bella somewhere safe!
I heard Alice´s panic thoughts. She would soon be here, in front of us. I felt Bella stiffen, as she would have probably felt a change in the atmosphere. Before she could blink, Alice stood in front of us, a fake smile plastered on her face. As Bella did not hear Alice, she was surprised to see her here. Bella´s heartbeat quickened.

´Hello Bella,´ Alice said, a bit too happy, too excited. She tried to remain cheerful as if that would somehow resolve our current situation.

´Alice, what are you doing here?´ Bella asked her, her eyes wide.

Alice thought; The truth or a little white lie, Edward? It's your call. What is it going to be?

I signed, debating what would be best. Keeping Bella in the dark would be a nice option, but that had not helped us in the past. I figured we could better tell her what was going on.

´Alice saw a vision of Victoria, that's why she came here. To get you somewhere safe.´

I buried my face in Bella's hair. I´m so sorry for putting you into this mess again, is what I wanted to tell her. I felt immensely guilty for all of this.

´Alice, tell me what you saw,´ Bella, practical as ever, asked.

´I saw Victoria, but it was blurry. I don't know why. I only know that she's coming and she´s after you, Bella. Because we killed her mate, she wants to hurt you in order to upset

Edward. An eye for an eye. So we need to patrol your house. Carlisle and Emmett are already there to protect Charlie and the rest are feeding themselves,´ Alice blurted out. I did not immediately react. How? How could this happen? How could I let this happen? Again?

´Alright, then we better leave,´ Bella said while getting up. She noticed I wasn't following her. She turned around and raised an eyebrow at me.

´Edward, what's wrong?´ Bella asked.

´I´m so sorry, Bella.´ I did not dare to look at her, afraid of the disappointment I would for sure see in her eyes. I had failed her, time and time again.

´For what?´ I heard she got alarmed at my attitude. But how could she ask such a thing? For everything, obviously!

´For all of this!´ I looked up and saw Bella grew agitated as she had every right to be. Her forehead creased and some tears shimmered in her eyes.

´Listen to me, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. Did you personally call Victoria to hunt me? No, right? So, you have nothing to be sorry for. You are not responsible for any of this.´ Bella said with a tremble in her voice as she tried to hold back her tears.

´You´re wrong, Bella. I´ve put you into this mess,´ I explained to her. Surely, she would understand this was all happening because of me?

´No Edward, I chose it. When I chose to be with you, I knew there would be some potential... Dangers. I knew that, yet I still chose it. I still choose you. We´ve already had this kind of talk before, so why won't you listen to me?´ Bella rolled her eyes at me. ´So you better get up and drag me home. Literally, stop moping around. We don't have time for that. We have to get moving.´

I heard that Alice agreed with Bella. Edward, please. She is right. We need to leave now. Bella is strong. She knows what's up and she can take it. But please just leave with her, right now.

And I knew at that moment that I was in the wrong. I might always feel slightly guilty for putting Bella at risk, simply for being with me. But Bella was right; she chose it. She knew I would always protect her from these dangers and she knew the risks she was facing. Yet she still chose to be with me. It was her choice and I had no say in that.

And I knew at that moment that Alice was also right. We had to leave. Right the fuck now.

So I put Bella on my back and quickly ran towards her house. Carlisle and Emmett were already there, watching Charlie while hiding in the trees in front of Bella's house. Alice joined them in the trees while Bella and I stayed on the ground.

´Took you long enough,´ Emmett complained when we arrived.

´Edward threw a little tantrum, but we managed to convince him to stop behaving like a little baby,´ Alice happily explained to my father and brother, who both had to laugh.

I gave them all a dirty look. ´I did no such thing!´

Bella looked at me with disapproval in her eyes. ´You kinda were in a mood.´

Emmett burst out laughing. ´Tell me everything, Bella.´

Bella first winked at me to let me know she was just joking. ´Oh, then we would be here all night, Emmett. You should have seen him,´ she laughed with him. Even Carlisle had to smirk at her little banter.

´Alright Bella, you need to get inside the house now. There will always be someone on guard inside your room and two or three of us will stay outside to also guard Charlie. The rest can feed in the meantime to strengthen for a battle. Is that alright with you?´ Carlisle, competent as ever, asked. Bella nodded to him to let him know she understood.

Alice faced Bella. ´I want to go first,´ she pleaded. ´Can´t me and Edward guard you while you´re still awake? It will be so much fun, I promise. Like a little sleepover.´

Bella grinned. ´You don't have to promise me, I know you can literally see it will be fun. As long as we aren't being too loud, we don't want to alarm Charlie.´

Alice almost fell out of the tree with her excitement. Carlisle could quickly grab her, not that falling would do any harm to her, but to prevent the neighbours from seeing it. ´Listen, we will wait outside until Esme, Jasper and Rosalie return. Then me and Emmett go feed. We switch during the night, as you both also need to feed.´ Carlisle addressed me and Alice. ´ We´ll see if we can smell Victoria in the meantime.´

I felt a low growl escape my lips before I could stop it. Leaving Bella tonight? Never!

´Yes Edward, you as well. We need to be strong for everything that could happen,´ Carlisle patiently explained to me.

´Gee Edward, behave for once,´ Emmett playfully rolled his eyes at me. I grabbed the tree he was sitting in and gently rocked it a tiny bit, making Emmett slightly lose balance. He had to keep a hand to his mouth to prevent his laugh from being too loud.

´Behave boys. Edward, bring Bella home,´ Carlisle ordered fiercely. But in his mind, I could hear he loved our brotherly mockery. And he had missed the lightfulness of conversation that we seemed to have whenever Bella was around.

I turned around and walked Bella over to her house. Charlie wasn't keen on my company yet, so I pretended to only bring her home and leave straight after. However, what Charlie could not see, was that I entered Bella's bedroom even before she had walked the stairs herself. Bella greeted Charlie and went to meet us.

Alice was already sitting on Bella's bed and I took the chair. Seeing us when she entered her room did not surprise Bella in the slightest.

´So, what do you guys want to do tonight?´ Bella asked the both of us.

´Can I braid your hair?´ Alice asked, already jumping off the bed to grab a brush. I grinned, if there was one thing Bella learned to tolerate, it would be Alice and her attempt to give Bella a make-over any chance she could get.

´If you insist…,´ Bella´s mouth curved into a smile. ´I mean, there is not much else to do, right?´

´Great! Now, go sit in front of me, please.´ Alice moved over, letting Bella also sit on the bed. She took a brush and started to comb through Bella's thick, brown mane.

As much as Alice tried to keep the mood light, I could hear she hated to be left in the dark regarding the future. She still couldn't see it happening and that bothered her greatly.

Think with me, Edward! What are we missing? Why can't I see anything? I only see glimpses of Victoria´s red hair, nothing else. I don't know anything. Think with me, please!

I hissed back that I also had no clue. And as if Bella could hear our silent conversation, she spoke to us. ´Allie, are there any updates?´ she asked and I noticed Alice tried to hide her upcoming fear. But as casual as Bella´s question seemed to be, her quickened heartbeat gave her away. Bella was also scared.

I could see Alice got more and more tense, as the answer to that question upset her. ´No, Bella. I'm afraid not. And I don't know why.´

Bella took a deep breath. ´I might know why.´

Bella POV:

As Alice combed through my hair, I could not help but wonder what was happening outside of my room right now. How were the rest of the Cullens doing? Did they manage to smell Victoria yet? Was she already in Forks? I knew we had a big disadvantage since Alice could not see the future for some reason. And also, why couldn't she? She said it was blurry and she didn't know why. But she never had that problem before, right?

I knew all of us were wondering that right now, but we still managed to ignore the topic altogether. I also wanted to avoid it, but as much as I wanted to, I couldn´t.

´Allie, are there any updates?´ I asked her. I could not hold it in anymore, I needed to discuss this.

And as I asked that question, a couple of thoughts came together in my head. Alice and I, shopping in Port Angeles. Alice who brought me home and Jacob who was waiting for me. Alice reacting weirdly to that. Me asking what was wrong. Alice telling me she could not see Jacob´s future. I paid no attention to that and let it slide. Edward who could not hear Jacob´s thoughts. And I, again, paid no attention to that. Jacob, telling me he was a werewolf. Would that… No, could that be related?

Holy shit. Alice did have that problem before. She had that problem with Jacob. My heartbeat quickened, thinking I had figured it all out.

´No, Bella. I'm afraid not. And I don't know why.´

I took a deep breath. ´I might know why.´

Edward immediately stood in front of me and Alice stopped combing through my hair. Edward gently took my hand in his.

´What do you mean, Bella?´ he asked, alarmed. He tried to come off as casual but I knew him long enough to notice the little tremble of his voice.

My breathing was irregular. Holy shit, this had to be it, right? ´Listen. Alice said she can't see Jake´s future. And you can´t hear his thoughts. Maybe that's the reason why Alice can´t see the future now. Because Jake is in it. That has to be it!´ I explained to both of them.

I heard Alice breathe out behind me. In front of me, Edwards' forehead creased. ´Why would Jacob be in it?´

Not onto the hard part. Telling them Jacob´s secret. I didn't know how to tell them without sounding off, but I had to give it a try. I mean, I had to convince a couple of vampires that werewolves exist, how hard could it be, right? This was my life now.

´Listen to me, and I know it sounds off. But… Jacob is a werewolf. You have to believe me.´ I looked at Edward, begging him to understand. His eyes widened. I then turned to face Alice who was constantly looking at Edward. I knew they were discussing this via Alice´s thoughts right now, but not knowing what they were talking about drove me nuts.

´What do you mean?´ Alice asked timidly. Damn it, they did not believe me!

I breathed in and closed my eyes. ´He told me. He is a werewolf. And I know what you´re thinking, I also did not believe it at first. But Jake told me everything he was allowed to and I believe him. Could that be the reason you guys can't see him in your visions or use your powers on him?´ I felt tears welling up in my eyes. They had to believe me!

Edward gently squeezed my hand with one hand and with the other, wiped a little tear away from the corner of my eye. ´We believe you, Bella. We truly do. In fact, we´ve heard about werewolves before but we had never… Encountered one, you know? This information is as new to us as it is to you. Could you please tell us more?´

´I can't believe it…,´ Alice whispered. ´How could we´ve missed it?´

I nodded. ´Alright. Well, he recently told me. That was the secret I was hiding about him. He told me in confidence and I did not want to betray that. I´m sorry.´

Edward´s crease furrowed. ´Bella, please. You don't have anything to apologize for. Please continue.´

But I knew why I was stalling. ´Please don't be mad. But Jake told me that vampires are the natural enemies of werewolves. I´m sure you both know that?´ I looked up and they both nodded in response. ´Well, Jake told me he knew what you… are. He knows you´re vampires. It was a tribe legend. He told me that werewolves shift whenever a human is in danger…,´

My eyes grew wide. Edward looked alarmed at me.

´Holy shit. He said he shifts when a human is in danger. He shifted two weeks ago. He thought it would be because of you guys but what if… What if...,´

´What if it's Victoria,´ Edward ended. ´We need to warn Carlisle. This changes everything.´

´What more can you tell us, Bella?´ Alice asked.

´So, this might mean that Victoria is already in Forks for two weeks, right? We need to inform Jake. He could help finding her. But how do we explain this to him? I mean, he really thinks he has changed because of you guys, so naturally, he is quite angry at all of you. Even when we were talking, he was very agitated and I tried not to upset him too much. So maybe I need to talk to him?´ I explained to her.

That caught Edward´s attention. ´What do you mean when you say, ´he was agitated?´

´Edward, he shifts when he is angry or upset. So we tried to keep him as calm as possible. So that he could not shift´ I told Edward.

That seemed to upset him. His eyebrows rose and his jaw tightened. ´So, not only were you alone with a newly changed werewolf? But also one that was angry? Bella, do you know how lucky you are to still be alive? Do you know how dangerous that was?´

I grew annoyed at him. ´Calm down, Edward. Jake would never hurt me, we made sure of that. We both kept our distance and Jake practically ran off when we talked about you guys. We really made sure he could not accidentally harm me, trust me!´

´It's not that I don´t trust you, Bella. I just… you amaze me every single day. Your strength, your courage. It's just… I don't know how to react,´ Edward stuttered. ´From what we've heard about werewolves, it would be next to impossible for them to control their emotions, yet you still managed to keep Jacob calm. That's utterly impressive.´

I reached out and cupped his face in both my hands. ´Edward, Jake is my best friend and he would never hurt me. Maybe it's the same as your thirst for my blood? Your desire to keep me safe is greater than that one. So maybe Jake feels somewhat the same. He wanted to be calm in order for me to be safe. So we both deserve the credit,´ I ended with a wink.

With my thumb, I softly caressed Edward´s cheek and my fingers made their way over to his mouth, gently feeling his cold lips under my warm touch.

Alice interrupted us. ´Guys, I don't want to be third-wheeling, but we still need to warn Carlisle and come up with a plan.´

´Alice is right. Bella, you just said Jacob was angry at us?´ Edward asked me.

I nodded. ´Yes, so maybe I can better call him now and explain everything to him. And with his help, we can come up with a plan.´

Alice handed me my phone. ´The more help, the better, I guess.´

I dialled Jacob´s number and Alice quickly got out of the window to inform Carlisle and the others. While I was waiting for Jacob to pick up his phone, Edward reached out and gently squeezed my hand.

Jacob happily answered his phone. ´Hey Bella, what´s up? Listen, I almost went to bed and then I thought; what do you call a sleeping werewolf? An unaware-wolf! Isn't that the lamest joke you´ve ever heard?!´

I bit my lip. ´Jake, please. Listen to me. I wouldn't be calling you this late if it weren't important.´ My voice cracked.

´What´s wrong?´ He worriedly asked.

´There is a vampire threat. You´ve seen my scar, right? Well, the vampire that attacked me had a girlfriend who is on her way to kill Charlie and I right now. I think that's why you´ve changed. I mean, I'm a human and I'm in danger due to a vampire. It all adds up. But the Cullens are on their way to find her and kill her and…,´ But Jacob had already interrupted me.

´I´m on my way, Bells. Hang in there,´ Jacob said before hanging up the phone.

I stared at the phone in my hands. ´He's coming,´ I said to no one in particular as Edward could have easily heard my conversation.

Suddenly, I felt scared. I was so proud of myself for connecting the dots of the missing future and Jacob, but right now, I was simply scared something could go wrong. What if I dragged Jacob into this mess and he got hurt because of me? Was this really the best thing I could have done? My shoulders shivered and I did not know why until Edward pulled me into his arms and I felt something wet against his shirt. Oh wait, it was me. I was crying.

´It will all be alright, Bella. Don´t worry.´ He tried to comfort me but it did not help.

´What if something goes wrong?´ I cried into his embrace. As much as the rational part of my brain assured me that they were all extremely strong, I could not help but feel guilty and scared. A horrible exhausting mixture of emotions.

´One werewolf and six vampires against one single vampire. We´re strong, so please don´t worry. And Jacob can lead us to Victoria, we have a really big advantage now. It will be alright, I promise you.´

´Six?´ I looked up. What did he mean by that?

´I won´t leave you alone, Bella. I´m staying here with you.´ Edward looked determined and I felt a little bit more hopeful.

´Do you really think we stand a chance?´ I asked, needed to be assured one more time.

´Yes,´ he whispered into my hair. I noticed my crying had stopped.

A knock on my window made me look up from Edward´s embrace. I released myself from the hug and walked over to see who was at the other side of the window.

´Jasper?´

I made room so that he could enter my room through the window. He walked over to me and he came very close. That surprised me, since I had only seen him at school. When I was visiting the Cullens, he made sure he was away and kept his distance.

He even put his hand on my shoulder.

´I´m sorry, Bella,´ Jasper said, smiling warmly. Why was he apologizing and for what?

Suddenly, I felt a heavy exhaustion seeping through my body; my eyelids were suddenly too heavy to hold up.

´Was that really necessary?´ I heard Edward´s cynical remark as he slipped his strong arms under my knees and behind my back. I drifted off to a dreamless state, before he even got me to the bed.

It was very early when I awoke. I had slept surprisingly well but I was more alert than I normally was when waking up. What day was it? Why was I this alert? I opened my eyes and immediately saw Edward, who was lying right next to me. He looked concerned. But why?

My eyes widened as I abruptly remembered everything from last night. The fight. Jacob. Jasper who put me to sleep. Had I missed everything?

´Sorry. Jasper thought you did need to relax. He felt how exhausted you were and he tried to help.´ Edward explained to me.

´Well, don´t tell him that. If he tried to relax me any more, I´ll be in a coma,´ I said annoyingly to him.

´So you noticed,´ Edward smiled and reached out to stroke my hair.

´He wasn't really trying to be very subtle about it,´ I pushed his hand away. I did not want to discuss Jasper or what he had done to me yesterday. I wanted to know more about the fight.

´How did you sleep?´ Edward raised an eyebrow at me as he didn´t know why I would push his hand away.

´Shut up about this. What happened last night? How many of you are dead?´ I grew angry at him. How could he lay here so nonchalantly while I was dying to know the truth about last night. What had happened? How bad was it? It must have been very bad as he did not talk to me about it.

Edward did not understand my question at all. He blinked a couple of times, until he gave me a perfect crooked grin. ´Oh Bella, it's over. We managed to find Victoria. She is dead. Gone. Not a threat anymore. And no one got hurt.

Well, maybe except Emmett´s ego a little bit. I heard Jacob was equally as strong as Emmett in the fight so I was very disappointed I could not directly see his face. But seeing it in the minds of the rest of my family definitely helped, though.´ He laughed as he thought about it.

My forehead creased. This did not make any sense at all! ´Then why did you look so concerned just now?

´Well Bella, I did not know how you would react to the ´putting you to sleep´ situation. You have every right to be mad about that, you know.´ He reached out again and this time, I did not stop him.

I pressed my lips together. ´But why did you avoid talking about the fight?´

Edward frowned as he made sense of what I was asking. ´Fuck, I´m sorry, Bella. With Jasper's ability, he had also calmed your heartbeat down so I did not hear how upset you were. I thought you were simply waking up. I had no idea how concerned you were about the fight. I´m so sorry.

The truth is, the fight happened really fast. Once Jasper had put you to sleep, Jacob came shortly after. He sniffed and my family quickly followed him. They found Victoria in the mountains, a couple of miles away from Forks. She knew she was outnumbered. So they circled around her and attacked her. It was over in mere seconds.
Jasper felt how exhausted you were, Bella. He tried to calm you as you had no reason to be so scared.´ Edward gently stroked my cheeks.

And I.. I don't know what came over me. Relief for what had happened did not even cover this immense feeling of pure blissful happiness. No one got hurt. Everything was over. The threat was gone.

My face lit up and I started grinning. It was truly over. Oh my. Edward was relieved at my reaction. He came closer to me, stroked my cheeks, gently grabbed my hair and finally kissed me on my lips.

And I… I don´t know what came over me. Call it relief, call it love, call it stupid teenage hormones, but I wanted him. I wanted him in a way I had not wanted anyone before. Anyone but Edward. So I kissed him back. I opened my mouth to welcome him and let my body react like it normally reacted around Edward. My face reddened as I reached out and placed my warm hand on the few inches of his skin that weren't covered by clothes. I placed one hand on the curve where his neck met his back and with the other, I tried to unbutton his shirt.

Edward stopped me. ´Bella, Charlie is asleep in the next room.´

´I don´t care.´

Chapter Text

Chapter 27: Lemon

Edward POV:

The hours while Bella was asleep -or unconscious- were anxious to me. On one hand, I knew my family was safe. Victoria was outnumbered and we could easily win this. Even though we had a small disadvantage because Alice could not see the future right now, the battle was already won. And with Jacob´s help, Victoria had nowhere to hide. It would only be a matter of minutes before we found her and killed her. 

But on the other hand, I was nervous since I didn't know what was happening right now. I knew I had to be here, in Bella's room, to keep her and Charlie safe, but a part of me wanted to rip Victoria to pieces myself. And now, I didn't even know who had the pleasure to put her to death. 

The monster in me was furious. I needed to be the one to kill Victoria for what she had done to the woman of my life. I wanted to see the look in her eyes once I ribbed her head from her torso. I wanted the last thing she would ever see before I threw her lifeless body into the flames, would be my face. Smiling. I would have taken my sweet little time if it would be me that killed her. And I would have enjoyed it. 

Probably a bit too much. 

I shivered as I ran my fingers through Bella's hair. My brave, remarkable girl, who wasn't even scared for herself but was scared someone from us could get hurt. Not scared her own life was in danger but scared for ours. So courageous for others yet filled with indifference once it concerned herself. I frowned as I gently stroked her cheek. 

She wasn't even mumbling something in her sleep tonight so Jasper's relaxation must have worked quite well. 

My family members' cheerful thoughts quickly put an end to my own troubled ones. I made sure Bella was asleep and walked over to the window to meet them. Everyone came running back from the fight and hid in the trees. Each and every one of my siblings was overjoyed that Victoria was dead -finally!- except for Emmett. I did not know the reason why, but I quickly caught a mocking joke from Jasper. Apparently, Jacob was equally as strong as Emmett and being the strongest of us, that bothered him greatly.  

You should have seen it, Edward. Emmett went in for the kill and boom, Jacob rushed over and snapped Victoria´s head off himself. Emmett's face was priceless! He could not believe someone could be faster than him and he's been down ever since! Try to mock him a bit, see how he reacts!

I chuckled. ´What did I hear, Emmett? Did the wolf beat you to it?´ I silently hissed at him. Jasper approved of this joke. 

Yes Edward, poke the bear! 

´Oh, shut up, Edward. I nearly got her,´ Emmett responded irritated. Rosalie put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down a little bit but we could all see she tried to hold back her laugh. 

´Speaking of Jacob, where is he? I want to thank him for doing what I should have done a year ago,´ I asked my family as I now noted Jacob wasn´t present.

Carlisle responded. ´He needed some time to cool off before he could return home. You know, he was furious so it might take a few hours.´

I nodded. ´Understandable. How did it go actually? The only thoughts I hear are jokes about Emmett.´ 

I bit my lip, but a soft laugh had already escaped my mouth. Everyone started laughing, except for Emmett. His face was priceless, even now. His eyes widened as he turned around to face his family. His mouth even fell open. 

 ´Even you, Rose? Et tu Brute? Thanks a lot, guys,´ he said, sticking his tongue out.

´Don´t be such a bad sport, babe. It was really funny,´ Rosalie said, planting a kiss on Emmett´s cheek to soften the blow a little bit. ´And even if you´re not the fastest or strongest in town, I still love you,´ she ended, serving him a compliment and an insult at the same time. 

´I´m the fastest and strongest vampire in town,´ he mumbled.  

´Emmett, stop now.´ Esme motherly ordered him. She then faced me. ´It all went according to plan. Jacob could lead us to Victoria. We found her and made sure she could not get away this time. We all went to tear a limb from her and Jacob went for her head. He was really furious as you can imagine. We then made a fire and threw her into it. We waited to make sure she was really dead. She's gone now, Edward. It's over.´

I felt relief pulsing through my veins. The threat was gone and Bella was safe again. ´Thank you all.´ 

´Bella is part of the coven, Edward. You know that,´ Carlisle assured me. Having my father say that to me strengthened my beliefs that Bella is part of my world now, even if I fought very hard against it half a year ago. We were tied to each other and when I tried to break that connection, it hurt us both more than necessary. She belonged to me, just as much as I belonged to her. I was hers. Truly hers.

´Besides, I think you will soon have to fight a bigger battle. Sorry again for putting Bella to sleep,´ Jasper said.  

Alice gasped and angrily faced Jasper. ´You did what now? I was so focused on the battle, I hadn't even seen it. Why would you do that?´

Jasper held his hands in front of him. ´I felt how stressed she was. And I knew that stress wasn't really needed. So, I tried to ease her pain a little bit. But I have no idea how she will react to that, so good luck, Edward. Tell her to blame me.´ Jasper winked at me. 

Alice pressed her lips together. ´Jasper! I can't even leave Bella alone for two minutes.´ She rolled her eyes. ´Edward, you have to tell Bella that we should do another sleepover. Without boys this time!´ Her angry glare was part for me, part for Jasper. 

´I´m sure Bella will be agitated enough once she wakes up, so no need for all these unimportant messages,´ Carlile, being the perfect doctor and concerned for Bella´s health, stated. 

His wife Esme quickly added. ´Yes, Edward. So you should invite her for tea tomorrow. I will bake something delicious for her. What about brownies? Or blondies this time?´ 

´That's… Not exactly what I meant, love,´ Carlisle said to Esme, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her closer to him.

´Still, invite her, Edward. She will love that,´ Esme said to me, ignoring Carlisle´s remark.  

´Well, if we´re all going to leave a message, tell Bella that my ankle was hurt so, therefore, I could not reach Victoria quickly enough,´ Emmett said to me. Everyone gave him a disapproving look. 

´What, I´m just saying…,´ Emmett held his hands up high. 

´You're worse than a sulking child, Em.´ Rosalie jokingly pinched his arm. Her face fell when she turned to look at me. I saw she was trying to formulate the right words and even her thoughts, which were always clear to me, were foggy. 

 ´Edward, you won't have to tell Bella anything on my behalf. I just wanted to apologize. As you know, Bella and I had a tough conversation not too long ago and she said something that was simply… right. Out of respect to you, I should have been more open to her and I haven´t. And I want to apologize for that.´ Rosalie said while her lower lip trembled and an unshed tear glinstered in her eye. 

  I did not know how to answer as this apology took me by surprise. So instead, I offered Rosalie a hug and opened my arms to welcome her. She jumped out of the tree and into Bella's room and hugged me back.

´You´re my annoying big sister, Rose. Of course, you´re going to look out for your dumb, brooding little brother.´ 

´I will ignore the word ´annoying´ and instead focus on the word ´dumb´, thank you very much,´ she smiled into my shoulder. 

A soft sound escaped from Bella's lips and made us all look up. She rolled over to her side and quietly slept again. I smiled warmly at her and I noticed that my body missed the warmth of her presence already.    

´We will leave you to it. Good luck son,´ Carlisle said. Everyone said their goodbyes to me as they jumped out of the tree and started running towards our house. 

And I climbed into Bella's bed again. I held her in my arms until she woke up. I wondered how she would react to last night's events. Her eyes widened in surprise so I was sure she now remembered what had happened to her. I tried to explain to her why Jasper did what he had done. 

I reached out and tried to stroke her hair but she wouldn't let me. That surprised me. She must be more furious about it than she let me believe. I tried to ask her how she slept as I had no idea how Jasper´s relaxation would work. Was it too strong for her? Was she scared? I did not hear a quickened heartbeat that could indicate the latter. She must have been scared about it, that must be it! 

But then again, Bella's mind worked in mysterious ways to me. She indeed was angry. But not about the topic I thought she would be angry about. No, she was upset I did not immediately tell her about the fight. I blinked a couple of times as I tried to understand her words. She thought some of us died? She thought we were dead? I laughed. She had no idea it was over. Truly over. 

Bella's forehead creased. She wondered why I looked so concerned at her just a minute ago. I stroked her hair. She asked why I tried to avoid the subject. That surprised me. Her physical reactions versus her words did not align. 

Until I thought about Jasper's gift. That must be it. I can´t hear her quickened heartbeat because she is still relaxed. For the first time since I've known Bella, I said a curse word. How utterly stupid of me to forget that! She must have been so stressed right now. So I explained the fight to her, just as my family explained it to me.

Bella started laughing, and it was the most wonderful sound in the world. I was relieved with her reaction and I started kissing her softly. That awoke something inside of her. The blood rushed to her cheeks as she reached out and placed her warm hand on my cool skin. She placed one hand on my neck and with her other hand, she tried to unbutton my shirt. For a minute, I let myself indulge in the bodily sensations of her warm skin on mine before I started thinking. What was she doing? Charlie was sleeping right next door!

´Bella, Charlie is asleep in the next room,´ I said to her in between soft kisses. Surely, she would understand, right? 

´I don´t care,´ was the only thing she softly moaned against my mouth. 

But I did care. We couldn't continue. We shouldn´t. So I grabbed the hand that was trying to undo my shirt and made her stop. I hoped I had not upset her. Bella stopped kissing me and looked at me, her brow furrowed in surprise.

´What´s wrong?´ Bella innocently asked me. I could not believe my ears, had she forgotten what I was?

´Nothing. It's just that… I´m afraid to continue,´ I explained to her. I couldn't even think about continuing and she only wanted to unbutton my shirt! Pathetic. 

´What do you mean?´ Bella used her finger to trace soft circles on my neck and I almost couldn't think straight.  

I signed. ´I´m afraid I will hurt you in some way. I´m afraid to try new things with you because I´m afraid that it will end badly. Bella, please understand that I'm simply afraid of hurting you.´ I could only give her this pathetic excuse, even though it was my absolute truth. 

´I trust you,´ she smiled at me. Of course, she trusted me. Hell, if only I had so much trust in my abilities to not accidentally hurt her. 

´I would never intentionally hurt you, but I'm afraid to try… stuff.´ I had to be such a disappointment to her. 

Instead of keeping more distance between us, she came closer to me and planted a quick kiss on the side of my neck. ´Relax, Edward. I was only trying to unbutton your shirt. I wasn´t trying to have sex with you. I´m not trying to go all the way, yet.´ She gave me a half-smile. 

I was flabbergasted. ´Wait, so you weren´t trying to have sex with me?´ 

She chuckled. ´I mean, not now. If that makes sense.´

´But you would want that, someday.´ I noticed she hinted towards a future possibility of us two getting that close. 

´Ideally.´ Bella confirmed my suspicions. 

I felt tense in anticipation just thinking about that. ´I don't know how,´ I answered Bella truthfully. I had no sexual experiences as a human and as a vampire, I had no idea how to be intimate with Bella. Physically, I was so much stronger than her, how could I not accidentally hurt her in the process? 

Bella´s cheeks reddened and once again, I felt myself wondering what she could be thinking off. ´We can… try other things?´ Bella mumbled. Had I heard her correctly?

´What do you mean?´

Bella rolled her eyes. ´I mean, sex is more than just intercourse. We could try other things and see what works.´ She quickly said, a little bit embarrassed.

I was taken aback by that answer. Never, in my whole life, had I thought I would be having this conversation with her. ´Bella, are we really having this conversation right now?´ I managed to stutter. 

´I don't see why not.´ Bella confidently responded. 

´Bella, I´m from a different time,´ I tried to explain to her. If I could blush, I would be scarlet. 

´And you live right now. So buckle up, we´re going to discuss sex.´ She planted another quick kiss on my cheek. ´Unless it's really weird for you. I understand that. Believe me, I do.´ She looked into my eyes to see if I was very uncomfortable. 

And I was. But I also wanted to have this talk with her to see where we both stood regarding the topic of sex. 

´Alright. I´ll start if you don´t mind…,´ I looked at her and she nodded, allowing me to continue. ´First, I was afraid of kissing you deeply, but I'm happy to notice that it's easier than I thought it would be. So maybe I'm stronger than I thought. However, the idea of sex right now scares me, Bella. It absolutely terrifies me. And I don't know how that would change in the future.´

Bella nodded and softly kissed my lips. ´Okay. I can understand that. Thank you for telling me. Could you maybe elaborate more on things you think you're comfortable with?´

I smiled. ´I don´t know, Bella. Your turn.´

She thought for a second. ´Well, I would like to try first. I understand that the bridge between kissing and full-blown sex would be too far, so I would want to try things first and see how that goes. Ideally, we would have sex together but I mean, we never thought kissing would work and it works fabulously.´ Her face came closer to mine, to demonstrate how wonderful our kissing routine worked.  

´It indeed does,´ I whispered before our lips were mingled together into a tender kiss. She opened her lips to welcome me and I kissed her back while playing with her hair. Way too soon for my liking, she pulled back.

´I have an idea. If it doesn't work or if it's too hard for you, please tell me, alright?´

I nodded. Bella got out of the bed and walked over to the farthest end of the room. I instinctively missed her. She turned around, a little pink blush on her face and I wondered what she was thinking about.  

She then did the most unexpected thing ever. She started to undress herself. She removed her pants and sweater until she stood in her underwear. A mismatched black, non-padded bra and a pair of purple panties were the only articles of clothing she wore. And I thought I finally understood what she meant by her earlier remark. Because as much as I wanted to worship her, the scent of her blood was stronger now that her bare skin was showing. And that was it. It was stronger, but not too strong. 

I smiled to let her know I had no problems with this, at all. ´It works, Bella. Your blood is not more appealing to me now than before.´

´Good. You think I can come your way or would that be too much, too soon?´

I winked at her. ´Let´s try.´

Bella slowly walked over to the bed. With each step, she stopped and made sure I was comfortable before she continued. And as much as I felt the vampire part in me loved the scent of her blood, the human part in me loved the sight in front of me a billion times more. 

Her long legs, with a ticklish part just below her knees, were mesmerizing to me. The curve of her hips that swayed with each step she took. Her bare stomach portrayed her lustrous waist. The swelling of her round breasts begged for my attention. Oh, how I had detested all the men that had fantasised about the most vulgar things and here I was, hypnotized by the sight of Bella in her underwear.  

´That seemed to work,´ Bella said as she hopped back into bed. I had lost my voice so I only nodded. She took the covers of the bed and wrapped herself in it. Being this close to her while she wasn't wearing many clothes made me painfully aware of the fact that vampires, in fact, could get erections. I was shocked. I tried to lay a bit differently so that Bella could not notice it. 

She then grabbed my hand. ´Edward, since that worked so well. Maybe we could try this.´ She had a little devilish grin on her face as if she knew exactly what she was doing to me. She placed my hand on top of her bra and put her own hand on top of mine. She then squeezed a bit, to let me know how much pressure I could apply to her breast. I felt her skin react to the cold touch of my hand. Her nipple rose and hardened and Bella showed me how I could pleasure her. She took one finger of mine and showed me how she liked to be touched there. Her heartbeat quickened and her breathing became heavier. Once she thought I had played enough with her nipple, she again placed my whole hand on her breast and squeezed a little bit harder than before. I mimicked her movements and she softly moaned. The scent of her arousal filled the air and it was even sweeter than the scent of her blood.  

Oh, my God. 

´And you can do my other breast some other day,´ Bella said with a wink. Oh, my God. I could only stare at her.

´Edward, are you alright?´ she asked, suddenly aware of my lack of speech. She looked up to see what was going on with me.   

I quickly kissed her. ´It felt amazing, Bella. And surprisingly easy as well. It was way easier than I had ever expected it to be.´ I grinned, as I was extremely proud of myself. I didn't even have to fight the beast inside of me, he simply disappeared compared to the other beast in me; my human beast. I wasn't even hungry for her blood, as I was now hungry for something else. 

She grinned. ´Alright. We have found a loophole then. You know what they say, slow and steady wins the race.´

She reached over me and kissed me on my neck. She then opened her mouth to softly bite me there as a joke. I chuckled as I softly kissed her neck and shoulder since her bare skin was literally begging me to kiss her.   

Bella POV:

It has been a few weeks since that amazing night with Edward. My weekly visits to the Cullen household definitely became a lot more interesting since our Biology project ended. Speaking of which, we managed to score an A, not that I thought we would get any lower since we're both top students of our Biology class.

But anyway, since our night, Edward has put a bed inside of his room. He doesn't sleep so the bed is used for other activities. I´m sure he was mocked a lot by his brothers, but I wouldn't know for sure. I don´t know how Edward did it, but each time when I visit and we end up in his room, the rest of his family mysteriously vanishes. I'm hoping it doesn't have anything to do with Alice's vision of the future, but for the sake of my own thoughts, I´ve decided to ignore that.

Since Alice knows about the blurry future she sees each time I´m around Jacob, she has learned to search for clues to guess how the future will go. She is pleased with that and much to Edward´s displeasure, he still can't read Jacob´s mind. 

Since the fight against Victoria, Edward and Jacob have mutual respect for each other. I don't think they ever will be friends and I won't ask that of them, but they accept that the other is a part of me and they are friendly towards each other. Having a mutual enemy brings people together.   

And now, Charlie is fishing and I´m waiting for Edward. Since our talk about sex, we´ve been more open about that topic than ever before. I´ve even said to Edward that I don't want him to come to my room each night since I sometimes need a few human minutes - to masturbate. I mean, he was very stunned that I blurted that out and he took a few seconds to process that information. The devilish part of me enjoyed seeing him struggle with that topic, but I won't ever tell anyone about that. 

A knock on my window made me look up. There he was. I opened my window to let Edward enter my room. His hands were on my waist as he pulled me closer to his body. Not that I needed the extra encouragement. 

´I´ve missed you,´ Edward said as he placed a trail of kisses from the little soft spot beneath my ear down to my shoulder. 

´I´ve missed you too,´ I responded as I shivered in pleasure. I heard him grin and I knew he loved my little physical reactions to him. 

´Hunting takes way too long,´ he kissed my nose real quick. We´ve noticed that Edward could kiss me anytime and his hunger for my blood would not take over, but when we would engage in more sexual activities, it was harder to stay in control if he was slightly hungry. So, before he came over, he made sure to eat a little bit. 

´Waiting for you takes way too long. Now come to bed.´ I ordered him. Enough with all this smalltalk, I just wanted him in my bed, right now. So I took his hand and led him towards the bed. He quickly sat down and I sat on his lap. He wrapped me in his arms. 

´You wear way too many clothes,´ Edward whispered into my neck. My heartbeat quickened with how arousing his words were to me. 

´I can say the same to you,´ I said to him, hoping I had the same effect on him as he had on me. 

I leaned back and unbuttoned his shirt. His marvellous chest was a sight for sore eyes. I ran my hands over his torso and enjoyed the little grasps that left Edward´s mouth. Finally, I knew the physical power I had over him and I loved it. I swear I could stare at his abs for days but Edward had other plans.

He removed my shirt and let his hands run over my breasts. His hands quickly went behind my back to open my bra and he delicately cupped my breasts in his hands as if it were the first time he saw them. He played with my nipples, just as I had taught him to do and I started to breathe heavier. As a response, he firmly kissed me and the combination of his cold tongue in my mouth and his playful hands around my breasts made me moan. 

I instinctively started grinding over his erection. I pressed my hips closer to his groin and cursed both our pants for blocking this friction. 

Edward noted I needed to feel closer to him, or he felt the same. Either way, he placed his hand under my knee and softly lifted me up. He then rolled me over, so I could lay in the bed and he could lay next to me. He reached out and started kissing me again. With one hand, he traced a little road on my body which started at my breasts and slowly made his way down to my stomach. Arriving at my jeans, he looked up but I eagerly beat him to it. I had already opened up my jeans and tried to quickly wiggle myself out of them. Since I was such a klutz, my jeans got stuck and we both had to laugh.   

´A little eager, are we?´ Edward raised an eyebrow at me.

´Oh, shut up.´ I laughed back at him. ´And don't you dare use that dazzling smile on me, right now. You´re not playing fair.´

´All's fair in love and war.´

´Oh, you want to play war? Watch me.´ I gave him a little evil smile as I returned the favour. I ran my hands over his chest and slowly made my way down to his stomach. Arriving at his jeans, I made sure to tease him a little bit. So instead of unbuttoning his jeans, which he thought I would do, I only traced my fingers around his hipbone and the little hairs on his belly. His eyes darkened once he understood what I was doing. 

´Not a fair game, Bella.´

I slowly licked my lips. I then bit my bottom lip and softly moaned while I put my fingers inside of his jeans, making sure I would not touch his erection. 

I batted my eyelashes at him. ´I´m not sure what you mean by that.´ I said innocently. 

Now, it was Edward´s turn to smile wickedly at me. ´I might get my revenge later, you know.´  

...

A few hours after I had fallen asleep, I woke up with a nagging feeling in my stomach. I recognised the feeling immediately and jumped out of my bed. I had to shake Edward´s arm off of me as he was surprised at my sudden movements. I didn't pay attention to that because I quickly ran to the toilet. I made it just in time, opened up the toilet seat and had to throw up.

Chapter Text

Chapter 28: Fever Dream

Bella POV:

Would it ever end? I felt I had already thrown up for a few minutes but it continued and continued. The sour flavour in my mouth felt disgusting and I felt tears forming in my eyes. Did I catch the stomach flu somewhere? 

´Are you alright, Bella?´ I heard Edward worriedly ask from behind me. Damn it, he wasn't supposed to see this. He was supposed to stay in bed. 

´Go away,´ I ordered him as I felt another wave of sickness creeping up and pushed my head back into the toilet. He did not leave but instead, came closer to me and held my hair in his hands, so that I would not accidentally get my vomit onto it. He sat behind me and stroked his cold hand onto my forehead and I liked the cold sensation. After I was finished, he gave me a glass of water.

´Thank you, but you should have left, just as I asked you to,´ I said to him. I was a little bit embarrassed by this. I mean, come on. Who wants her boyfriend to sit next to her while she vomits? Case and point. 

´Next time, I will. I promise. And Charlie's coming,´ Edward said before he ran off and left me alone in the bathroom. Seconds later, the door opened and Charlie looked concerned at me. 

´Bells, are you alright?´ Charlie asked.  

´I think I have the stomach flu, Dad. I´ve been throwing up a lot,´ I said to him. His forehead creased. 

´I´ll call the school tomorrow to tell them you´re sick, don´t worry. Do you need some medicine? The pharmacy might already be open, I could drive there right now.´ He mumbled while he took a step backwards, as if he was already on his way. I smiled at him to let him know I did not need that.

´It's just the stomach flu, Dad. I'll be fine. I´ll just try to sleep it off,´ I assured him.

Charlie nodded. ´If there is anything I can do to help you, please tell me. We could go see doctor Cullen tomorrow.´

´Dad, that really won't be necessary. But thanks anyway.´ 

After I assured him another time everything would be fine and I did not need any help right now, Charlie left to try and sleep a bit and I got up from the bathroom floor and went into my room. Edward sat on the bed and made room for me to lay down next to him.

´I really don't feel too well,´ I whispered to him, so that Charlie did not wake up. The acid made my throat burn and I felt a little bit nauseous.     

Edward kissed me on my temple. ´I´ll stay with you, Bella.´

I looked up to face him. ´What do you mean?´

He placed his cold hand on my forehead and the difference in temperature felt wonderful. ´I mean that you won't have to be alone, if you don't want that. If you want me here, I´ll stay with you. I can feel you´re starting to heat up a little bit so I think you also got the normal flu, next to your stomach flu. So, if you need some company, I´m happy to stay here.´ Edward kissed my temple again.

Thinking about staying in with Edward made me feel warm and fuzzy. Thinking about staying in with Edward while I was sick made me uncomfortable though.

´Please, just go to school tomorrow. And maybe stay away for a few nights.´ I told him. ´But I want you to stay tonight.´ I nestled myself into his embrace and closed my eyes. I made sure my warm head was resting on his cold chest. 

´You don't have to feel embarrassed. I want to be with you in sickness and in health,´ Edward whispered into my ear. I was so tired that I did not catch the popular wedding vow in that single sentence. 

´I know, but I just want to be sick and alone,´ I whispered back.  

I felt him chuckle into my hair. ´If that changes, call me and I´ll be there shortly after. I promise.´ 

´Perks of dating a human,´ I mumbled.

´I love you nonetheless.´

´Hmm,´ I answered, already too tired to respond back. 

Edward started humming the lullaby he had made for me and I drifted off to sleep. 

Edward POV:

Bella was sleeping restlessly. I hoped the coldness of my body offered her some kind of comfort, but she was still tossing and turning all night. Somewhere in the morning, I saw she grew agitated in her sleep. She was mumbling more than usual, but I could not comprehend a single word she was saying. I placed one cold hand on her forehead, hoping that would ease away the upcoming fever and made her sleep peacefully again.

As if I had burnt myself, I quickly pulled my hand away. What was that?

It couldn´t be, could it? 

I… saw something. And I… heard something. I gently placed my hand on her forehead again, afraid I had imagined it all. 

But I hadn't. In her head, I saw myself and I saw Bella. We were together. The image had been a bit foggy, but it was as clear as crystal that she was dreaming about me right now. But why would she be agitated about that? I then noticed we were talking and the conversation did not go as smoothly. The topic must have been a hard one. I was debating with myself if I should listen in more about her dream, or not. 

I then put my hand down. As much as I wanted to know more about it, she was entitled to her own thoughts. I had no right to see them as they weren't for me to see. But oh, how much I wanted to. 

How could this be possible? I had never seen or heard Bella's thoughts, so why could I see them so clearly now? Was it because of her fever? Maybe Carlisle had a theory about it. As I could no longer touch Bella's forehead, I wrapped my arm around her.

´Why can't you just love me, Edward, right now? We don't even have to talk about me staying human or becoming a vampire. Why can't you just stay with me and love me for a few years? I don't want to be constantly afraid you´ll leave again sooner or later.´ 

My eyes widened and I let go of holding her. This time, I heard and saw Bella very clearly. Was this her dream? Would this dream portray to me her fears and concerns? My heart was no longer beating, but the pain in my chest felt all too real. I wished I could jump into her dream and tell her that I did love her right now and that I would love her forever. And that I would never leave her again, and that it didn't matter to me if she would become a vampire or stay human since I would not go anywhere. If she would want me by her side, I would be there. 

I ran my hands through my hair. Longing to hear more about her dream and fighting the urge to listen in, I got out of bed. Bella's dream wasn't meant for me and maybe, if I would not be touching her, I would not hear or see it. 

So I sat down in the chair and hoped I would offer her some comfort this way. She had said she wanted me here tonight so I would not go home. My family would see me all day and night anyway since I wouldn't be with Bella for a few days. 

And that stung. I would miss her tremendously but I understood she might feel slightly embarrassed about being sick. Even though she had absolutely nothing to be embarrassed for. I simply hoped that once Bella felt a little bit better, I could come to visit again. 

 As if she missed my presence, Bella rolled over to a colder side of the bed. Even from our distance, I felt her fever had gotten higher. And even though I was no longer touching her, her dream became more vivid to me due to the rise in temperature, I suppose. I wanted to leave her room to give her some privacy, but I remember she asked me to stay the night.   

So I saw us in her dreams. No, I saw us and all the events that had happened to us in the ten months through Bella's eyes. 

Her birthday party and how surprised she was with all the effort Alice went through to make it a night Bella could never forget.

How horribly wrong it ended and how she loved the gifts she received from us.

The horrible things I've said to her when I tried to distance myself from her and how she handled the aftermath. 

Our reunion in the hospital while she thought she had head trauma and did not believe me when I told her I loved her.

Her demand to leave her alone and how annoyed she was that we waltzed back into her life.

Our second reunion when we had to work together in Biology, how touched she was that there was food for her in the fridge. 

Our talks.

Our kisses.

My beautiful Bella, who did not belong in my world because she simply was the centre of my whole universe. My love showed me right here and right now, that the feelings she had for me simply matched my own.     

My heart swelled up. She might have forgiven me for leaving her, but it still made her feel slightly insecure and I hated that I was to blame for that.  

I was going to fix that somehow.

Bella POV:

I woke up and felt horrible. My body was warm, I was nauseous and my head was throbbing. I felt the stomach acid burn in my throat and I knew I would be spending most of my day with my head inside the toilet seat.

And I instinctively missed Edward.

I looked up to see him sitting in the chair. That surprised me as he was always laying next to me if he stayed over. Would my fever be too hot for him to lay next to? 

´Why are you sitting there?´ I asked him. 

´Don´t worry, love. I was simply admiring the view.´ Edward gave me one of his crooked smiles and I knew something was up. He simply looked too innocent, so I knew he wasn't telling me everything. 

As if he sensed my resistance - of course, he did - he walked over to the bed and kissed my forehead. He then gave me a glass of water and a painkiller, which I gladly took. 

´I love you, Bella and I´ll be missing you. Call me if you need anything and I´ll be there. Please get well soon.´ Edward kissed my forehead again and went away. 

I thanked my body, because when Edward went away, I felt a sudden urge to vomit again. I got out of bed and ran towards the bathroom. One would think my stomach would be empty right now, but nope. 

As I was finished, Charlie knocked on the door.

´I´ll be going now, Bells. Are you good on your own? I can also call in sick so you have some company. Tell me if you want that.´

Hearing my dad this distressed made me almost smile. ´Thanks, Dad. I´m good. I´ll just be sleeping all day.´ 

I brushed my teeth to wash away the horrible flavour in my mouth and I heard Charlie leaving the house. I was alone. And I was tired. So I hopped into my bed and drifted off to sleep.

The sound of my cellphone had woken me up. I looked at the caller ID and saw that Jessica was calling me. I also noted the time. Oh my, I had slept until 3 in the afternoon. 

´Hey Jess,´ I answered my phone. 

´Did I wake you up? You sound sleepy. My God, I´m so sorry,´ Jessica apologized to me. 

´You did. But I slept until now, so I´m feeling a bit better anyway,´ I explained to her.

´If you need me to come over and tell you that you don't look sick, just say the word.´

 ´Then you would be lying. I'm constantly throwing up so please stay away for now.´ I laughed. I heard Angela in the background. ´Is that Angela?´

´Yes. Here, I´m giving the phone to Angela.´ I heard some noises. 

´Hey, Bella. Please get well soon. We miss you. And I´ve written notes for all the classes we take together so you won't have to be worried about missing something. You might need to ask Edward for his Biology notes, though. I'll email them to you,´ Angela said. 

´Thank you, Angela. I'm sure it will be fine,´ I said to her. 

´Ange, she's sick. Missing a few days of school won´t be such a bad thing,´ Jessica said to Angela. 

´I´m only trying to help.´ Angela snapped back. 

I laughed. ´Hey, don´t fight. I really appreciate the help from both of you. But for now, I'm only sleeping and throwing up. I might watch a movie later as I´m feeling slightly better. So I'm sure I'll use your notes in a few days, Angela.´ I yawned. ´I´m going to stop calling now. I'm sure I'll see you both soon. I will try to eat a banana or something. Miss you too.´

´Bye Bella, love you,´ Jessica yelled in the background as Angela was still holding the phone.

´Get well, Bella. We´ll miss you,´ Angela said before closing the call. And just as I had said on the phone, I went downstairs and ate a banana. I noticed I was a little bit hungry as I hadn't eaten that day, so it was a welcome little snack. 

After the banana, I settled on the couch and started watching a movie. After an hour, I felt another wave of sickness so I ran to the toilet just in time. I was tired again so I went to bed.   

Charlie coming home was what woke me up the second time around. I went downstairs to watch a little bit of tv before I went to bed again. This time, I slept peacefully.

Waking up in the morning felt better than the day before. I got out of bed without throwing up and I even showered a bit. Still, in my pyjamas, I went downstairs and turned on the tv to watch the end of the movie I started yesterday. I brewed a cup of tea and forced myself to eat a dry cracker.  

Around lunchtime, I saw someone standing in front of the door. I quickly noticed it was Jacob, but I had no idea why he was here. Didn´t he have to be at school just as everyone else? I got up and opened the door for him. That seemed to catch him off guard.

´Hey Bells, I was just checking if you were awake. I didn't want to accidentally wake you up,´ Jacob said while smiling down at me. 

´Yeah Jake, I just saw you. You could have been a burglar, checking out my house, you know.´

´You aren't exactly in the right shape to fight me off right now, as much as you want to.´ Jacob lifted an eyebrow at me. I smiled since I knew he was right.

´Well,´ Jacob continued. ´I have to say. There are easier ways to get out of school.´

´Speaking of, shouldn´t you be in one right now?´ I asked him.

Jacob grinned. ´Classes ended early so I thought I might check out how you´ve been. Clearly, all my worries were for nothing. The way Charlie spoke about you, I really thought you had already died.´

I rolled my eyes at him but I had the nagging feeling he might have been right. Dad was already very worried each time I saw him, offering me painkillers and asking me if we should go visit doctor Cullen. I could only imagine how he spoke about me being sick to his friends. ´Just for your information, I´ve been throwing up a lot. So if I feel the need to do so right now, you´ll be an easy target. But I'm still sick, I just slept a lot so I´m temporarily a little bit better.´

´Good. I even brought you a present to help with your sickness.´

´Really?´ That certainly was unexpected. 

´Yes. Here, some fresh herbs from our garden so you can make fresh tea. It's supposed to help against the stomach flu. So use your superpowers, Bells, and get well soon.´ Jacob gave me a little pot made out of glass, with some unfamiliar herbs in them. 

´Speaking of superpowers, I feel as if I´m the only one who doesn't have supernatural powers in this town,´ I gave Jacob a half-smile.

´You made the vamps and the wolves work together. That´s a great power to have. A true miracle, actually.´ He winked at me. 

´Do you really mean that, Jake?´

´Of course, Bells. I wouldn't be telling you if it weren't true. You know me long enough for that. It turned out that having a shared enemy was all that it took for both of our species to work together. And I guess we both want you to be safe.´ Jacob looked at me and I knew he was talking about Edward. 

´Thank you, that really means a lot to me. If I could hug you, I would, but I don't want to contaminate you.´ So I instead smiled at him. 

´And I don't want to keep you up too long. Take care of yourself. And drink the tea, it really helps.´ He waved at me and left. I watched him as I saw his car drive away before I went back inside. I brewed myself a cup of his tea. It was quite bitter for my taste but I hoped it did the trick.     

During the day, I noticed I indeed had to throw up less than yesterday so I was very pleased with that. Charlie came home early and I wasn't as tired as I was before, so that was also good. I told him about this magic tea I received from Jacob and he only had to laugh at that. Apparently, Billy was notorious for his little tea gifts and since he strongly believed in the healing powers because it has grown in his own garden, everyone who received it started to believe in it as well. But, it was just normal tares. Nothing special about that.    

The truth revealed itself and I went to bed. On the third day of my sickness, I noted my fever was still as present as ever, but that my stomach flu hopefully went away. So I sat down on the couch, made myself comfortable and I watched a series on television. 

Around three in the afternoon, the doorbell rang. I got up to see who was there. I smiled a little bit as I had never received so many guests before, so being sick really had its perks. I opened the door and was surprised to see Jasper standing there. 

´Hey Jasper, what brings you here? I've been sleeping very well these last few days so your services are not exactly needed,´ I said to him. Wait, that might have sounded a little bit too harsh but I was simply stunned to see Jasper here, alone, in front of my house. 

He sheepishly smiled at me. ´Hello Bella, how are you?´

´I still have a little fever. And please don´t think of me rude, I didn't mean to sound so sharp.´ I apologized to him. 

´Oh no, Bella. I completely understand why you are surprised to see me. I feel your emotions, you know?´ Jasper winked at me. ´And, that's actually the reason why I'm here. I haven't had the chance to apologize to you personally for putting you to sleep without your permission. I should have asked you before I used my powers on you and let you decide for yourself if you wanted to feel calmer that night or not.´

I signed. ´Jasper, I completely understand why you did it. I felt really guilty and scared that night. My head was probably a mess. So you're forgiven. We were under a lot of stress. Is that why you came here? To apologize to me?´

Jasper nodded. ´Well, yes. It was my fault so I wanted to apologize to you personally.´ He started laughing. ´And it helps that the house is rather small now that Edward is there constantly. The brotherly bickering truly never ends.´

Hearing Edward´s name made my heart flutter. My mouth curved into a smile and I needed to hear how he's been.  

´What do you mean?´ I asked Jasper. He raised an eyebrow at me because he knew I already knew the answer to that question. And he heard and felt my heart react to the sound of Edward´s name, so my own emotions weren't exactly closed off either.  

´Well, he misses you obviously. So he is rather grumpy, but don´t tell him I told you that.´ Jasper explained to me. 

I giggled. ´Is it really that bad?´

Jasper nodded. ´Today, we couldn't take it anymore so Alice took Rosalie out for some shopping and the rest went hunting. Edward stayed in his room, while sadly playing the piano.´ Jasper laughed.  

´I don´t believe it!´ 

´I´m just mocking him and the shopping trip was already planned. But yes, he really misses you.´ 

´I´m also missing him. But if he´s misbehaving I might have him waiting a day longer.´ I wickedly smiled.  

´Oh Bella, please. We´re begging you. We can´t handle him.´ Jasper sarcastically put his hands together as if he was really begging me and I started laughing a bit louder. I felt as if this little mockery at Edwards expense really brought Jasper and me a little bit closer together. 

´Alright, Alright. Bring him in tomorrow.´ I winked. 

´We are forever in your debt.´ 

Jasper and I talked for a few minutes until he noticed I was getting tired so he left. I took a lukewarm shower to ease away my fever and went to bed, as I was eager for the next day to arrive. 

The next day, I woke up and wondered when Edward would show up. Charlie already left for work and I was awake and my fever was under control. I thought I could better make myself comfortable on the couch and watch a movie, than to wait here on my bed so I did just that. I brewed some tea from Jacob and felt a knot appearing in my stomach. 

I hadn't seen Edward in three days so I was excited to see him again. Luckily, I did not have to wait for long as the doorbell quickly rang. I jumped up from the couch and almost ran to the door. I opened it and there he was. 

My Edward. With a worried look on his face which he tried to mask with a crooked grin. Holding a pan in his hands. 

´I've made homemade chicken noodle soup. Isn´t that what you´re supposed to eat when you're sick?´ I still needed a little second to process Edward standing in front of me, holding something to eat. As if my stomach heard those words, it started making noises. 

I smiled at him. ´That sounds lovely. Please come in, I´ve missed you. And apparently, I´m also hungry.´ 

He instantly looked a lot less tense. ´I´ve also missed you, more than you know. And how are you feeling, Bella? How is your stomach?´

´I still have a little fever but I feel much better now. The stomach flu is gone, luckily, thanks to some tea Jake had given me.´

Edward and I both entered the kitchen and he warmed the soup for me. I took a sip and as expected, it was delicious. I quickly ate the whole plate and Edward kept smiling at me, obviously pleased with how satisfied I was with it. 

´I´m happy to hear that you´re feeling slightly better.´

´So, what have you been up to?´ I asked him, since I noticed there was something he wasn't telling me. 

´Bella, I´ve seen your dream.´ Edward blurted out. 

Chapter Text

Chapter 29: Serious Talk

Edward POV:

´Bella, I´ve seen your dream,´ I blurted out. I bit my tongue as I was annoyed at myself for spilling it out straight away. I should have waited a few days before telling her. I should have waited until she was better again. How foolish of me to bother Bella with this information, just as she was fighting the flu. I should have explained I saw something and not immediately tell her I saw her dream. 

But the deed was already done. Bella´s eyebrows drew together as she tried to make sense of what I was saying.   

´I beg your pardon?´ 

If I had just kept my mouth shut! But at the same time I did not want to withhold any information from her, so maybe therefore I reacted so utterly irrational. 

´I´m so sorry, Bella. As your fever grew, I saw more of it. I wanted to stop looking but your thoughts became so clear to me, I couldn't close my mind off of them,´ I tried to explain to her. 

Just as always, Bella reacted differently than I would have thought. She smiled and I did not understand why. ´Were you therefore sitting in the chair?´

I ran my hands through my hair, trying to make sense of her. ´Yes. At first, I only saw something when I held you in my arms so I tried to give you your privacy. But as the night continued, I saw so much more. Carlisle thought I could only see your dream only because you had a fever.´ I looked outside of the window, giving her a second to process all of this. Her soft chuckle made me look up. 

´What is it, Bella?´ I worriedly asked her.

´Oh, Edward. I'm sure my dream wasn't that exciting, to begin with. But the way you´re sitting here, all flustered and apologizing, it's a little bit funny.´ Bella reached out and grabbed my hand. ´I still appreciate that you wanted to give me a little bit of privacy though, even if it's only in my dream. And I also know I did ask you to stay that night and you did. So don´t think I´m angry or something like that. Now, was that all?´ She laughed again and her last question was meant as a joke. I didn't react to it, because I knew the topic of her dream was something we still needed to discuss. 

Bella´s face fell. ´I'm sure my dream wasn't that exciting, right?´ She rightfully guessed why I was silent. Of course, she knew. She could read me much better than I could ever read her. With my thumb, I mindlessly caressed her hand in mine and hearing her body react to my touch eased a little bit of my angst away. 

´It just… made me think,´ I started. ´Can´t you remember it?´ I hoped she could as it would make this conversation much easier. 

´I have no idea. Just spill it out already.´ Bella rightfully grew a little bit annoyed at the way I was handling this. I took a deep breath I would not need and finally confessed what I was anxious about. 

´Bella, you dreamt about us. And it certainly wasn't a happy dream since you were scared I would leave you again. You asked me to love you. You asked me to avoid the topic of your humanity and becoming a vampire. You asked me to ignore all of that and you asked me to just be with you. Bella, that hurt me. Since there is no place on earth where I would rather be.´

I reached out to cup Bella's face in my hands and much to my dismay, I saw tears glistening in her eyes. With my finger, I wiped them away. Bella's eyes were wide as she looked at me. I spoke each word carefully, in order for her to fully hear the meaning behind them, loud and clear.

´I would never leave you again and I do love you. Always have. Always will. It doesn't matter if you are a vampire or human since you don't just belong in my world, Bella, you are my world.´

Bella started crying and I wrapped my arms around her. I mumbled her lullaby, hoping that would calm her down a little bit. Hearing and seeing her pain was a torture that I had drawn upon myself when I left. Even though she had forgiven me and ordered me to forgive myself as well, I could not help but feel horrible at this moment. 

´It's the fever, I swear,´ Bella cried into my shoulder. I shushed her and held her closer to me, as she had no reason to feel embarrassed for showing her emotions. 

´No, I mean it. I'm normally not that emotional, you know that.´ Bella took a deep breath and tried to stop crying. She forced herself to smile at me. ´See? All fine now.´

Seeing her struggle to be strong did hurt more than seeing her dream last night. I held her close to me as I spoke in her ear. ´Bella, it's fine. I hurt you. I know that. And that might have left some scars that are still present right now. 

But I´m going to fix that, I promise you. I´ll show you that you can trust me.´

Bella freed herself from my hug. Her heartbeat quickened and I was wondering if I had said something that might have upset her. ´No, Edward. I trust you and I do forgive you for that. I knew why you did it. I´m not sad anymore. I´m sick. I don't feel that well and I´m just emotional. 

However, how you reacted was odd. You don't have to feel sorry for leaving. You need to let go of that. It's in the past, truly. I thought we had already established that.´

Bella pressed her lips together in frustration. Could it be true? Could she really feel this way? Her dream showed me she loves me. Could she really and truly forgive me for leaving? Has she already?

As if she had heard my silent questions, Bella leaned in and kissed me firmly. Her sweet scent filled my nostrils and after not kissing her for a few days, my body felt as if I welcomed my very own soul back. I was alive again. So I breathed in Bella, as she was the oxygen I needed. She overpowered all my senses. All the other sounds grew silent and we were the only two people in the world. She clung to me just as much as I clung to her. 

Her insistent mouth then parted my lips and eagerly welcomed my tongue, which evoked sensations I had never even known I was capable of feeling. Nothing mattered but Bella and I. 

I opened my eyes and the expression of pure delight and love I saw on Bella's face matched my own. We broke our kiss and I held her in my arms as we waited until our heavy breathing became calm again. 

´It´s not easy,´ I whispered to her.

´What?´ Bella freed herself from my hug and faced me, her warm brown eyes concerned for what I would tell her. 

´Forgiving myself for leaving you,´ I explained. ´It fluctuates. Sometimes I know with all that I have inside of me that you've truly forgiven me. And sometimes, I struggle with it and jump to the worst conclusions, like in your dream. But I love you, Bella, and I hate that I'm to blame if you´re feeling insecure about us.´ 

Bella signed. ´Edward, I also do love you, you know that. And I know you love me. So if I'm having a bad dream and I'm sick, please know that it's not that serious. I´m not feeling insecure about us. I can think about one thing but be certain of something completely else. My dreams aren't my thoughts and my thoughts aren't my actions. That might be hard for you to hear as you can literally hear what everyone's thinking, but normally, people are defined by their actions and not their thoughts. 

But you did say one thing that alarmed me…,´ Bella did not meet my gaze and looked around her own kitchen, while working up the courage to tell me something she obviously dreaded telling.

´What is it?´ I asked. This suspense was killing me.  

´You said you would love me if I´m human or a vampire.´ Bella kept nervously looking at something behind me. 

´Yes…,´ I did not understand why that would upset her. I thought she wanted to become a vampire someday. And if that weren't the case, I would love her nonetheless. 

´What do you mean by that?´ Bella finally dared to look at me and I smiled at her. 

´I still remember your birthday wish, you know?´ 

That seemed to surprise her. ´Really?´

´Yes, you said you wanted to be like me. You wanted to become a vampire. You said I could think about it but then….,´ I winced thinking about the party and all the events that happened after our talk. 

´We never had a chance to discuss it further,´ Bella continued. Hearing how light I talked about the subject made her less tense and encouraged her to explain herself further. ´The timing wasn't exactly right.´

´Are you saying the timing is right, right now?´ I asked her. That surprised me. Did she really want to become a vampire at such a young age?

´We could discuss it,´ Bella explained. I felt relieved. I understood where the thought of becoming a vampire came from, and we could indeed just discuss it.

´At your birthday, you said you wanted to become a vampire, because you wanted to be with me forever.´ I started. And there would be nothing I craved more than to be with Bella forever, but it did mean she would have to die someday. And I didn´t know if she truly understood what that meant. 

´That's the plan,´ Bella added while nodding her head. 

´I understand.´

´So tell me more about vampirism.´ Her eagerness made me chuckle.

I grabbed her hand again. ´Before you make up your mind about becoming a vampire or staying human, there are a few things that only humans can do, Bella. Some things only humans can give you and I could never. So you need to consider that, before you enter the dark side.´ I winked at her.

´Like what?´ Bella´s brows wrinkled as she tried to guess what I was talking about.

´Imagine Bella, if I had never met you and you just came to Forks without me in the picture, how would your life turn out?´

Bella POV:

Edwards' question surprised me. I had no idea what he was trying to say. Why did he have to be so cryptic? But, I had no time to complain. He was actually talking about me becoming a vampire, so that's something. He did not do that last year, so this was definitely an improvement. 

So, there were some things I could never have as a vampire? But what?! His family was loaded. Carlisle worked so I easily could get a job. The rest studied so I could educate myself forever. We could travel the world and visit all the other homes the Cullens had, so I could be in the sun whenever I was with them.

Them.

They would be my only family. I knew I had to let my family go eventually if I wanted to become a vampire. At first, the thirst for their blood would overwhelm me and after, they would notice I did not age at all. I would have to say goodbye to all of my friends and family and I would live on even long after they died. That was something I already knew, so Edward could not be talking about that.

Wait.

Family.   

´Are you saying what I think you're saying?´ I asked Edward. I had an epiphany and I thought I knew exactly what he was talking about.

´I don't know what you´re thinking right now.´ Edwards dodged the question.

I grew annoyed at him. ´I´m thinking about your family. Some of them like being vampires, some of them don´t. And I´m thinking about Rosalie in particular. Am I correct that that's what you´ve been trying to tell me?´

Edward nodded. ´Yes, that is one of my concerns.´

I knew it! The one thing Rosalie is jealous of is my life. She would love to be mortal and to bear children. She would want to grow old and have her grandchildren run around her house. That is her one and only dream, while she knows she can never have that. That's what Edward has been trying to tell me. 

´I have always wanted to become a mother.´ I admitted. ´And when I look at Rosalie or Esme, who both love to be a mother and can´t be one anymore… I still have a chance to become one, that's what you´re trying to tell me.´

Edward nodded. He held my hand in his and the gesture calmed me immediately. ´You have to take that into consideration, Bella. Once you´re a vampire, you can never have children.´   

Hearing that so bluntly was a little bummer, but I was still happy we had this talk. After all, the solution to that problem was pretty simple, right? ´Then I might want to become a vampire after I've given birth since I have always envisioned myself as a mother. But how can I become pregnant?´ As Edward was technically dead, I knew his semen could not impregnate me.  

Edward chuckled. ´Well, when two people love each other very much...´

I gently slapped his arm but I knew it would do him no harm, which sucked. ´I can´t believe you just made that joke.´

Edward held his hands in front of him. ´I´m sorry, I´m sorry. But luckily for you, your boyfriend went to medical school and Carlisle is a doctor. If you really do wish to become a mother, Carlisle could easily help you.´ 

Feeling the need for a little bit of payback, I made a stupid joke in return. ´So, could Carlisle impregnate me? He´s a little bit old for my taste and I´m not really into the daddy kink, but if it works...´ I smiled wickedly at Edward, whose face had fallen.

´Easy there, tiger. I meant that Carlisle could help you at the hospital.´ 

´How?´

´With the help of a sperm donor,´ Edward explained to me.  

I thought about that idea for a second. So, I could become pregnant with a little bit of help. That thought appealed to me. I had an option. If I wanted to, I could do it. I could become a mother and Edward and I could become parents.

´How would it work?´ I asked Edward. 

´Well, Carlile could inseminate you with an anonymous sperm donor if that's what you want. Obviously, you can tell that to your family and friends. You could tell them I can´t get you pregnant and that we´re trying to become parents that way. Or, you could wait until you're pregnant before you tell them. It really doesn't matter. Just know that there is an option for that.´ 

Edward kissed my knuckles and I smiled at him. Look at us, sitting here at my kitchen table and discussing such important topics, together. Edward opened up to the idea of me becoming a vampire and we could discuss all the ins and outs of it respectfully with each other. 

´I think I really like that idea, but obviously, I still need to think it through. After all, I don't want to become a mother right now.´ I made a face. Nope, becoming a mother at 18 wasn't really the plan.  

´How would your ideal timeframe look like?´ Edward asked me. I had to think about it. 

´Obviously, I don't want to wait until I´m 40. If I become a vampire, I want to be your partner and look around your age, since I'm sure you do not have a mommy kink.´ I winked at him and he rolled his eyes at me. 

´What´s up with you and kinks today anyway?´ 

´I´m sick, so I'm allowed to behave extra silly,´ I grinned and to my surprise, Edward laughed extra hard with me. Seeing him this happy, made me laugh even louder and my stomach started hurting from it.

´And just so you know, I have a Bella kink so it doesn't matter to me what you look like or how old you are.´ Edward said as we both finished laughing. I felt my face reddened by his compliment. 

´Don´t be all cute.´ 

Edward quickly kissed my nose. 

´So, you want to be 30 years old, max?´ He asked. 

´I´m thinking 25 years old, max. I could always dress younger than my age.´ 

Edward checked me out and I felt slightly embarrassed because I was still wearing my unflattering pyjamas. Not even the cute ones, but the unflattering ´I think I´ll get my period soon´ - ones. But hey, I was sick. And this was my own house so I could dress however I pleased. Still, this outfit wasn't my best. 

´You dress perfectly fine.´ Edward assured me. His eyes got dark around his irises again, and I knew exactly what that meant. Really? Even in these pyjamas? Really? 

I rolled my eyes at him. It was only to hide how each muscle in my stomach tightened at the sight of him right now. 

´You know what I mean. I want to match you once I become a vampire. I want to be equal to you.´

That last sentence caught his attention. His eyes were amber coloured again -damn it!- and he had such a dreamy expression on his face, it made me wonder what he was thinking about. 

´Speaking of being equal to each other, what are your thoughts about marriage?´ Edward asked hesitantly but I knew him long enough to notice the hidden message behind his question. He wanted to marry me. It was as clear as if he had placed neon letters above his head. 

´I don't want that right now,´ I answered truthfully. ´I would like to be married in the future though. But I´ve seen how my parents married young and it did not work out. I´m not saying we don´t work out but I just don't want to be married right now.´ 

´So, you are not opposed to the idea of marriage in general?´

´Of course not! Just not at 18.´

Edward´s relieved smile melted my heart. He grabbed my hand and he started kissing my ring finger. It sent sparks of joy through my whole body.    

´I am so happy you said that, Bella. Because I would really want to make you my wife someday.´ Edward said in between kisses. I giggled. Look at us, first vampirism, then pregnancy and now marriage? We rocked! 

´I figured.´ I said while I pulled my hand back. Edward looked up, surprised, but I had already leaned in for a kiss. Kissing my hand was okay but now I wanted to feel his cold lips on mine again. 

And he wasn't complaining. On the contrary, he grabbed a handful of my hair and closed the distance between our bodies. Our earlier kiss screamed hunger, this kiss screamed love and respect. This kiss was a promise that whatever happened in the future, we could talk it through and discuss it, just as we did right now. 

Softly kissing my mouth, my nose, my forehead, my eyes and my cheeks, Edward whispered in between kisses. ´What do you want right now?´  

´Just be with you,´ I managed to answer while being slightly out of breath. 

I heard him laugh in the little corner under my ear where he loved to kiss me. ´That can be arranged. And what about next year?´

What was he talking about? Then, it hit me. We were seniors and he was talking about college. I chuckled. From all these heavy topics, we were now discussing college options, just as normal teenagers would do.

´We go to college together.´ 

Edward rolled his eyes at me for stating the obvious. ´I sure hope so. What about Harvard?´

So much for a normal teenage conversation. What was he thinking? I wasn't loaded like him. Did he have any idea how expensive Harvard was? Then I remembered Edward actually went to Harvard once. I stared at him, waiting for him to burst out laughing but he was dead serious. 

´Are you insane? I can't pay for that!´ Surely, he knew, right?  

Edward gave me a half-smile. ´But I can.´

´But I don't want that.´ That would be even worse! 

That seemed to surprise him. ´Really?´

´Yes, I want to pay for my tuition myself.´  

´Really?´ Again, surprised. 

´Yes, I mean it. And besides, if you buy me into Harvard what you will obviously do, I will always be wondering if I could go there on my own. However, if I go to a normal college and pay for it myself, I know I did it on my own. I might even get a scholarship and you know why? Because of my excellent grades.´ I smiled. This topic was nonnegotiable and he knew it. 

Edward looked away for a second, a thin line appeared between his brows before he addressed it. ´Alright. You´re right. You chose our college and it doesn't matter which one you will choose, I will be there.´ 

This was an excellent truce. 

´Good. I already have an option. Charlie has talked about Peninsula College at Forks or Port Angeles and that sounds appealing to me. I might do an honours Biology program there but I would love to check out the campus beforehand.´ I smiled as I remembered how happy Charlie seemed when he brought the topic of Peninsula college up. And I had to confess, it had also grown on me. 

Edward grimaced in obvious displeasure. ´You really want to stay so closeby?´

I kissed his nose. ´I kind of like it here. It has grown on me.´

A smile formed on his perfect lips and his eyes lit up as if he suddenly had an idea. ´So, do you want to stay here, living with Charlie?´

I wondered what he was up to this time. ´What are you proposing?´

´Well, if I´m not allowed to pay for your studies, am I allowed to pay for a nice, small apartment for the two of us?´ His eyes flickered with hope and the image of a whole apartment, just for the two of us, flashed before my eyes. Oh my, that would be amazing. Imagine all the privacy we would have. Living as a couple, studying together, going to college together, going on dates together. And, doing other activities together. whenever we want and not just when our family members are away.

´You want to buy an apartment?´ I tried to keep the excitement out of my voice. It was a stupid idea, of course. I mean, did he really want to buy an apartment? That would be so expensive.

´Yes´ 

´Can´t you just rent one?´ 

´Buying is cheaper in the long run.´

´So you want to buy a small apartment for us while we study in Forks?´ I asked him again. I needed to be reassured this wasn't another fever dream. If it was, it was a damn great one. 

´Or Port Angeles. Yes.´ My heart stuttered and he must have heard it. I grinned and he beamed as well. We were going to live together! I jumped into his embrace and he held me close. We really were going to live together! 

´And you promise me to let me have a job to pay for college?´ I said while smiling into his shoulder.

´I hear what you're saying and it's remarkable. So yes.´ Edward kissed the tip of my nose.

´Do you mean that?´ I looked into his eyes and saw how honest he was. Looking at him, I saw my own emotions reflected in his eyes. 

´I truly do. But, please know that I would gladly pay for anything.´

I smiled. ´Wow Edward, we've spoken about some major topics in life without being overly annoyed at each other. I´m proud of us.´ 

´Time to celebrate,´ Edward whispered before leaning in. His mouth on mine, his hands in my hair and my hands in his, his body pressed onto mine, I knew I was utterly and truly happy. I knew this is where I belonged.

Scratch that. I belonged in my room upstairs. As if Edward could read my mind, he grabbed me and carried me towards my room without ever breaking our kiss.

Chapter Text

Chapter 30: Epilogue

Bella POV:

Ah yes, today I'm officially 21 years old, I thought to myself while I hopped out of bed and rushed towards the shower as fast as I could after a rather short night. I needed morning showers to really wake me up, as sleeping was out of the question right now. 

I quickly saw Edward´s amused face as I gathered all my clothes and utilities to stay in the shower for as long as humanly possible. Before I closed the bedroom door behind me, I gave him a little smile. He became used to seeing me this excited for my own birthday, which was surprising considering my first birthday spent together didn't go exactly as planned. 

But, the parties that followed were absolutely wonderful, and I was excited to see what Alice had planned for this one. 

I hopped into the shower and let the warm water do its magic. I grabbed my shampoo bottle and started washing my hair. The strawberry scent was as relaxing as ever and I took my time to really enjoy it this morning. 

After my shower, I dressed up a little bit. I had a whole arsenal of new clothes to choose from as I had gained a few pounds over the last couple of months. I've decided to put on a dark blue dress, which I knew was one of Edward´s favourites. I blow-dried my hair, brushed my teeth and opened the bathroom door to meet Edward. 

´Happy birthday, Bella,´ Edward greeted me. He looked at my outfit and his eyes sparkled with desire. ´You look as elegant as always.´

´Thank you, Edward. But flattery doesn't get you very far. Now, where are my presents?´ I teased him. But I could tease him all I want, my heartbeat gave away that I actually enjoyed his compliment very much. 

Edward grinned and softly kissed me. As I was greedy, I opened my mouth to deepen our kiss. 

´I thought I would be your present.´ Edward teased me back. 

´Who knew you could be such a cheapass?´ I grinned. I knew Edward was far from being a cheapass. After all, the shower I just took, I took in our very own house in Port Angeles that he bought for us. 

And it was perfect. Small but cosy, and partly hidden in the woods. We actually wanted to buy an apartment but owning a house made it possible for Edward to behave more naturally and freely for him. Now, we didn't have neighbours so he could run down the stairs without having to listen to the thoughts of others, to see if they have noticed him. 

However, we did face one problem though. Charlie. We told my dad that Edward bought the house from his inheritance. Which wasn't a total lie as he did have a rather large inheritance. But, his family had more money due to their shares. 

Next to that, Charlie was a bit hesitant to see me moving to Port Angeles while I could stay with him. After countless discussions and even talking it through with Carlisle and Esme, he eventually agreed it would be a great step for Edward and I.

And it was. 

´You´ll get them later, I promise.´ Edward kissed me real quick before he walked towards the kitchen to make me breakfast. 

In the meantime, I grabbed my bag and shoved some Biology books in it. I looked at our room and tried to remember if I missed something. My mind has been really foggy these days. Pleased with it, I also walked downstairs. As I entered the kitchen, I noticed Edward had also prepared lunch for me. I smiled at him, sat down and ate the cereal that Edward had made for me.

After I was finished, we headed towards Peninsula College Port Angeles. Upon arriving, I saw Jessica standing in the parking lot, next to her boyfriend Owen, and Angela. They were waiting for us. Jessica kept looking at her watch and I had to hold in my laugh. She was so impatient sometimes. 

Edward parked his silver Volvo and I rushed towards them. Jessica´s eyes lit up, and I noticed she was carrying a small birthday present in her hands. My excitement grew and I smiled at the three of them.

´Happy birthday, Bella!´ They all said at the same time. 

´Thank you,´ I hugged each and every one of them and my gaze lingered impatiently on the gift in Jessica´s hands. Oh, what did they get me? 

Edward stood next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. He noticed my gaze but I was sure, everyone did.    

´She's been a little eager since she has to wait for my presents,´ he explained to them as if I was not there. They all had to laugh at that, those backstabbers. 

I pinched Edward. It was for show as my friends didn't know I could never hurt him, so he made a face as if I did. ´I can't help it, it's the hormones.´ I smiled wickedly. 

´Let not wait any longer then,´ Angela happily interfered. I smiled at her. Becoming a psychologist truly was meant for her as she always tried to resolve any ongoing conflicts in our group. And being friends with one sure had its perks, as I now got to open some birthday presents.   

Jessica handed me my present and luckily for me, it was a box so no repeats from my eighteenth birthday. I opened it and saw a silk sleep mask, paired with some earplugs and a lavender-scented candle. On top of that, they gifted me an assortment of face masks and a lavender-scented soap. I felt tears forming in my eyes.

´You guys, what a thoughtful gift,´ I said to them. They knew I had trouble sleeping so I would certainly need this. 

´I have that same candle, Bella. It works wonders.´ 

´Sometimes a little bit too well, babe,´ Owen playfully kissed Jessica on her cheek before she had the time to form a sarcastic remark. Just as Edward and I, they had been dating for the last couple of years. Owen was almost finished with his IT studies while Jessica went to study English literature. 

For some reason, we all loved the thought of studying in Port Angeles. Closeby enough to regularly visit our parents whilst far away to rent something and live our own life here. 

And as Edward was in my Biology program, we, unfortunately, had no classes together as a group, but that did not stop us from meeting up before or after school to talk, as we did right now.    

´What are your plans for today, Bella? As Edward will give you his gifts later?´ Angela asked me. 

´Well, we´re going to Forks to have lunch with my dad. Afterwards, we visit his parents' house. We haven't seen his family in a while, you know how it goes.´ I said. Little did she know, that wasn't exactly true. We actually visited the Cullens almost daily, as Edward´s horrible driving style made it possible for us to be there in under 20 minutes instead of the regular one hour drive it would have been if I drove.    

´And my sister Alice is dying to have the whole family back together,´ Edward added. 

´How´s Seattle?´ Jessica asked Edward.

´Exam season, so Alice and Jasper are pretty worn out. But, Alice would never say no to a little get-together. Especially now.´ Edward kissed my temple.  

I grinned. Edward and I wanted to be a little bit more independent, so we made the choice to study in Port Angeles. The rest of his siblings decided to study in Seattle, which was still very close to Forks, but just a little bit farther away. 

And I would not want them to live farther away than that. Especially now.

´Yes, so hopefully she doesn't go too overboard with decorations and such,´ I happily added. After my eighteenth birthday, Alice actually went overboard each year and I could not stop her. I didn't want to. So I knew the decorations would be top-notch this afternoon, but pretending to be slightly annoyed by that was so on brand, I needed to keep up that persona. 

Edward laughed as I started grinning. Even though he could not read my thoughts, he knew exactly what I was thinking. 

The bell rang and after saying our goodbyes to each other, we all headed to our classes. Edward and I only had a one hour class that day, so we could go to Forks straight after. Those truly were the advantages of college! 

After the lesson, we walked towards his car while holding hands. Edward opened the passenger door for me and I sat down. 

´Can't I drive? It's my birthday!´ I said to him, already knowing what the answer would be. 

´I thought we were going to have lunch with Charlie, not dinner.´ Edward winked and sat down in the driver seat. 

I blinked in surprise. ´You did not just insult my driving style!´ 

´Guess I did,´ he leaned in and softly kissed my lips. Bastard! He knew I would not be mad at him if he kept messing with my heartbeat! I wanted him to continue but he stopped kissing me, gave me a knowing look and drove away. 

I turned on the radio and together we sang the lyrics to an ordinary rock song. 

´You really do have a nice stereo,´ I said. Edward had to hold back his laughter as he wasn't used to me complimenting his car since I normally bashed the shit out of it. And I still didn't love his Volvo, but it had grown on me, especially now that I couldn´t drive my own car anymore. 

Edward parked his car in front of my old house and we got out. Charlie already opened the door before we made it to the front door, ran towards me and pulled me into a hug.   

´Happy Birthday, Bells. My little girl is so big now,´ he whispered into my hair. 

´Gee, thanks Dad,´ I rolled my eyes at him but he couldn't see. 

Charlie stopped hugging me and pushed me towards the house. ´Now quickly get inside, I don't want you to catch a cold.´ He turned around and shook Edward´s extended hand. ´Come inside, Edward. I hope you have been treating her well?´ 

´Dad, stop it!´ I angrily said to Charlie, whose brows rose at my tone. 

´Don´t worry, Charlie. I´m taking excellent care of her,´ Edward quickly assured my dad. They were horrible together! As if Edward wasn´t protective enough, Charlie made it ten times worse. Of course, I´m glad there was no bad tension between them after Edward and I´s break-up, but this was just as annoying. For me. 

 We went to the kitchen and sat down. Charlie had made my favourite soup, only for me because he knew Edward had to follow a special diet. It was delicious, I was hungry so I ate two portions of it.

´Glad to see you like it,´ Charlie said after I had finished my second bowl.

´I love it,´ I smiled back at him. 

´With that in mind, let me get you your birthday present,´ Charlie said before leaving the kitchen. I heard him pick something up and my heartbeat quickened in anticipation. Edward stared at me with his signature crooked grin and I wondered if he had something to do with this present. He better had, as I still waited for his present.

´Here you go, Bells,´ Charlie handed me a large but light wrapped up box. I opened it and found a pair of blue open-toe slides. 

´Very comfortable, dad. Thank you,´ I hugged Charlie and tried the shoes on. They fit wonderfully and were very cosy. 

´You will need them, Bells, with all that running around in the house.´

´I´m sure you will get great use out of them,´ Edward added. Charlie nodded, happy to see Edward agreed as well. 

After eating a piece of birthday cake with Charlie, Edward and I headed out to go to the Cullens. I felt excited because I did not know what Alice had planned this time. She would definitely go overboard, there was no denying that.   

Could Edward drive any faster? I want to be there already!

´Why are you smiling at me like that, goofball? I jokingly said as I noticed Edward kept staring at me.

´Even if I drive faster, you won't be there sooner,´ he said as if he could read my thoughts.

´How did you know I was thinking that?´

´It wasn´t hard to guess,´ Edward laughed. 

´I´m just so excited to see what Alice has planned. I can't help it. I want to be there already!´ I said, barely able to hide my enthusiasm. 

´Apart from Alice´s birthday party, is there anything else you would like to receive?´ Edward asked me.

´Whatever it is you´re giving me,´ I answered him. ´Your present better be good with the way you're hyping it up.´

  Edward laughed. I knew I was slightly irritating at the moment, but I couldn't help it. I just really wanted to know what was so special about his present. 

We arrived at the Cullen household and I immediately saw Alice truly outdid herself. Everywhere I looked, I saw bowls of white, pink and red roses. There were candles everywhere, making the entrance to the house almost fairy-lit. But before I had time to really take everything in, a figure stood next to the passenger seat and opened the door for me.

´Bella!´ Rosalie happily welcomed me and helped me get out of the car. ´Happy birthday! How are you?´

´Thank you, Rose. I´m mostly tired, but for now, I´m so excited!´ I answered her. ´It's so beautiful here!´

Rosalie wrapped her arm around me and we walked together to the front door. Edward walked to my other side and he looked annoyed at Rosalie.

´What?´ she snapped at him.

´Bella is fine.´ 

´And I'm making sure she stays that way. Right, Bella?´ She gave Edward a dirty look before she quickly looked at me to see if I was upset for any reason. I grinned at their bickering. 

´Don´t worry Rose. He's just jealous. He almost never lets me walk on my own so the pot really blames the kettle in this argument.´ 

Rosalie smirked. ´What do I hear now? Is Edward being overprotective? Who would have thought?´

Edward opened the door and we all walked inside the house. The room was decorated with more white, pink and red roses. Everywhere I looked, I saw more rose-scented candles, a pile of presents, one very large birthday cake with edible flowers on it and even some pink and blue balloons. 

Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Carlisle and Esme were patiently waiting for our arrival, even though Alice had more troubles with it. Once we entered the house, they all screamed ´happy birthday, Bella´ for me. Alice immediately came in for a hug. With great displeasure, Rosalie let go of me so Alice could hug me more firmly.  

´Careful Allie,´ Rosalie hissed at her. Alice simply stuck her tongue out and rolled her eyes at her. 

´Girls, behave,´ Esme ordered them.

In Alice´s arms, I started grinning at the harmless sisterly banter between the two of them. I hugged Alice back before I felt the familiar tears welling up in my eyes. 

Edward reached out and held me in his arms as I started crying as I would always do for my birthday. He gave me a few soft kisses on the top of my head, leaned in and kissed a few tears away.

After I was done, I smiled to assure everyone I was okay again. They knew it were happy tears and they knew I was always slightly more emotional for my birthday. And considering the state I was in, no one was really surprised to see me crying right now.  

´What did you think of the presents?´ Alice asked, changing the subject. 

´I loved the little sleep care package. Also loved the shoes, they will come in handy for sure. Or I guess, you already saw that.´ I smiled at her.

Alice smiled back and kissed me on my cheek. I reached out to her to hug her again. 

´Come here, Alice. I haven't thanked you yet for this amazing party you've thrown for me. You surprise me every year and I don´t know how you keep doing that.´

´I know what my best friend wants,´ Alice responded a little bit smugly.

I grinned at her. ´You sure do.´ 

Behind Alice´s back, Emmett made it known he wanted to hug me next. ´Allie, move along. Your time with Bella is up. It's my turn now.´

Alice let go of me with great displeasure. In a flash, Emmett took her spot and hugged me. He was more delicate than he normally was. 

´Wow Bella, you look exhausted,´ Emmett teasingly said.

´Thanks a lot, Emmett. You always have a special way with words. And I am exhausted.´ I rolled my eyes at him. 

´I have to step outside for a second,´ Emmett said while obviously winking at Alice. ´Don´t do anything funny while I´m gone.´

´I wouldn't dream of it,´ I shouted at his back. I had a sudden deja-vu at my eighteenth birthday party. Emmett also went outside during that party to install something in my car. But, we came with Edward´s car right now, so he couldn't really install something in that one, right?

The similarities between the two nights were there and I had a sudden uneasy feeling. Would this be a sign that something horrible would happen? Jasper sensed it.

´Don't worry, Bella. Nothing will happen. Everyone is well fed and you don't even smell remotely appetizing anymore.´ He winked at me, but he stayed far away from me. 

´Thanks for the compliment, Jasper.´ I gave him a half-smile. His words eased my doubts away a little bit. I looked up and saw Edward´s concerned face. He leaned in and kissed me on my lips and my doubts faded completely. 

After our little kiss, Carlisle and Esme came to greet me. Esme planted a soft kiss on my forehead and apologized for how her children were behaving. I assured her I loved their bickering. Carlisle gave me a fatherly hug and apologized again for how excessive the party had become. It was a little back and forth what we did each year.     

Alice interrupted, impatiently almost jumping up and down because my talk with her parents took way too long for her liking. ´It's time for your presents, Bella,´ Alice happily exclaimed. 

She guided me to the pile of gifts and gave me the largest one, to begin with. This time, everything was put in a box for obvious reasons. 

´This one is from Emmett and I,´ Rosalie said to me. I opened the box and it was completely empty. I looked up.

´Emmett´s installing it in Edward´s car right now. Want to take a look?´ Rosalie smiled at me and offered me her arm.

´Would love to,´ I said to her. We all walked to Edward´s car to see what was new in there and how I would react to it. 

As I reached Edward´s silver Volvo, I noticed the two new car seats that were installed at the back. Each car seat had a different name on it.

Lizzy.

Charles.

Those were baby car seats. I smiled and instinctively placed my hand on the growing baby bump. As if both my babies felt my excitement, they began kicking. Lizzy was named after Edward´s biological mother Elisabeth, and Charles was named after both of our dads; Charlie and Carlisle. We thought the sentiment behind the names was beautiful, as one represented the human life once lived and the other represented the togetherness of both our worlds. 

I had not anticipated getting twins, but that's pretty common when you're inseminated, Carlisle told me. Edward was over the moon. I was shocked and horrified. How would we handle twins? It was a miracle already that I got pregnant on our first try, but I also conceived twins? I had to be assured by Edward that he would take care of our babies during the night so I could sleep without being interrupted when they would wake. 

But, he could not help me with this huge belly that got in the way of a good night's rest. I was the one that had to carry our children. Unfortunately, he couldn´t.

And for some reason, since my blood is now mixed with the blood of our unborn babies, my scent became slightly off for the Cullens. Not so much they couldn't stay close to me, but strong enough that they had absolutely no urge or desire to drink my blood, which was a plus. 

And I was sure, even if my blood smelled better than before, there was no way Rosalie would back off once she knew Edward and I tried to have children. Because we tried and succeeded to do what she wanted more than anything in the world, she became very concerned for my health and my pregnancy. I understood her thirst for information, so I was happy to tell her all about my complaints about my pregnancy. She craved the stories about my morning sickness, my constant urge to go to the toilet and my sudden mood swings. She laughed with me as I told her about all the weird food cravings I had. 

Something changed in our dynamic and I knew I had gained Rosalie´s respect just as much as she had gained mine. She was now my sister and I knew she felt that too. And sisters are sometimes very annoying and way too protective. 

  ´Thank you so much, Rose.´ I kissed her cheek and freed myself to walk over to Emmett to hug him. ´And you, Emmett. I love it.´

´Anything for my little niece and nephew,´ he whispered into my hair. Emmett gave me a knowing look as we both saw a concerned Edward and anxious Rosalie watching us two as hawks. We all made our way inside again before they would throw a fuss. I swear, vampires! 

Alice was beyond thrilled. She grabbed my arm and led me towards the living room.

´You have to see Carlisle´s and Esme's present next,´ she ordered me. She held my hand and together, we climbed the stairs and stood still in front of the first door on our right.

´What is it?´ I enthusiastically asked Alice.

´Open it!´ She squealed. 

I grinned and opened the door. On the other side, the most beautiful baby room revealed itself. Two little cribs stood in the middle, one baby pink and the other baby blue. The rest of the room was decorated in a light beige colour and everywhere I could look, I saw stuffed animals in the shape of all different kinds of wildlife. There stood a comfortable chair in the middle and I could not wait to sit there and finally have my babies in my arms. 

´It's for sleepovers,´ Esme said from behind me. I hadn't noticed Carlisle and Esme also came upstairs and stood together to watch my reaction. 

´It´s wonderful,´ I whispered. I pulled them both in for a hug. 

´You can bring little Lizzy and Charles whenever you would like and you can stay as long as you wish. Or you could bring them and we babysit them. Rosalie said they could also sleep in our arms but maybe they prefer a crib, who knows?´ Esme said and I had to fight back tears. I was so happy we decided to stay close to Forks to study. Now, our children had their grandparents, uncles and aunties also closeby.   

´It's absolutely perfect, thank you so much.´ 

´I believe we have to go downstairs again. I can hear Alice and she´s impatient,´ Carlisle said and we all had to laugh. 

Just as expected, Alice was waiting on us with her own present in her hands. ´Please Bella, open mine and Jasper´s now,´ she almost shouted. 

I extended my arm towards Alice and grabbed their present. I opened it and inside the box, I saw a baseball jacket with the word ´mom´ on it and a baseball bat. 

The meaning behind it was clear as crystal.

We would play baseball again once I became a vampire. 

Just as Edward and I discussed, we´ve decided to become parents first and after, I would be turned into a vampire. As baby blood isn't appetizing to them, the Cullens were sure it wouldn't be much of a problem to me as a newborn vampire. I only had to stay away from my parents and my friends for a few months, but we figured we would tell them we went on a long holiday. And after, we would stay for as long as possible, until they noticed I did not age. Then, it was time for us to disappear. 

We didn´t know when Edward would turn me and we did not have a specific date in mind, but it would not be too long after we would become parents, so that our physical appearances matched and I would not be a threat to our children. 

Speaking of physical appearances, we had all found a way to stay longer at one place instead of moving around every decade. Make-up. Once Alice found out I bought that sparkling highlighter during Edward and I´s break-up, she began toying with the idea that we might stay at one spot longer if we all used make-up to age up. Paired with a partly grey wig, we would look significantly older than we were. 

It was new to them and they did not know if it would work or if people would notice it, but it was worth trying. If I could stay longer with Lizzy and Charles that way, it was worth it. Even if it only partly worked, each second longer with them would be a bliss.  

´Hopefully, you play better as a vampire than as a human,´ Jasper jokingly said. 

´I can only hope,´ I laughed. 

Alice was thrilled with my reaction. She then disappeared for a second before she handed me two other small packages. ´Bella and these presents are from Jacob.´ She was a little bit hesitant when she smiled at me. 

And I understood. I mean, they were natural enemies after all and I respected their differences. The Cullens and the wolves never became friends, but I still appreciated how they behaved around the other.

Besides, Jake was backpacking through Europe and he promised me to be in Forks on time for my delivery, so he better hold on to that promise. Otherwise, he had a worse natural enemy, namely me postpartum.   

I opened the first gift and saw a perfect replica of the little motorcycle Jacob had given me in the hospital after our accident. In tiny letters I made up the word ´Charles.´ I then opened the second gift and saw a handcrafted little wolf statue with the word ´Lizzy´ on it. I was sure he had made them himself.

´Beautiful,´ I said to no one in particular. When I heard no reaction, I looked up and saw that I was alone. Weird. 

As if on commando, I felt Edward´s arms around me. He kissed my cheek and whispered that the presents indeed were beautiful.

´Do I receive your gift now?´ I raised my eyebrow at him and he chuckled. ´I better be getting it.´

´I wasn't exactly lying this morning, you know,´ he said suddenly very seriously. 

´About what?´ I tried to remember what he could be talking about but the conversation was lost on me. Damn you, pregnancy brain. 

´Your gift.´ Edward reached out and cupped my face in his hand. He almost looked hesitant as if he was debating with himself if he should continue or not. 

´So, my gift would be you?´ I certainly had missed some joke here.

Edward grinned and I now knew for sure he was nervous, but for what? ´That's one way to put it.´  

He caressed my cheeks and I blushed in response. ´Bella, my gift to you would be me. All of me. You already have my heart and my soul, but I want to give you the rest. It's yours already. Everything that I am and everything that I will be is yours. 

I felt lost for so long. I never felt that I belonged anywhere. But now I know why that is. It's because I belong with you. Nothing about me made sense before, until you came into my life and showed me what love is. You gave me the world and I want to give you the universe.´ 

My heartbeat quickened as I finally understood what was happening. Edward kneeled down on one knee. He held my hand in his hands and softly caressed my ring finger. A tear started welling up in my eye. 

´No amount of time with you will ever be enough. You are the only one I want to share the rest of eternity with and I can't imagine staying seventeen forever with anyone else but you.´ I grinned and he smiled, happy that the joke took the edge of things. He reached out to his back pocket and showed me a beautiful platinum ring with seven small diamonds placed in a little circle.  

´Isabella Marie Swan, will you do me the extraordinary honour of marrying me?´

´Yes,´ I cried out. Edward placed the ring on my finger and got up. He kissed my tears away that had formed during his proposal. His cold lips on mine were my own gateway ports to heaven. I knew this was where I was supposed to end up, even though I did not believe in all of that. 

His lips opened and mine parted. We deepened our kiss and I clung myself to him. I never wanted to let him go. My hands were in his hair, begging him to come closer and he held me as close as possible to his body. 

I heard a very familiar tune in the background. Was that… my lullaby? I wondered who was playing it right now. I smiled during our kiss, those silly Cullens! 

Edward kissed my cheek and slowly made its way to my neck. He kissed my neck and whispered in my ear. 

´I´m proud of you.´