Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Liam accidentally slams the door as he enters his house. He freezes for a second, expecting his mother to start shouting at him because she always reminds him not to slam the doors. Nothing happens, though and he continues walking to his room. He pauses in front of the kitchen as he hears rumbling and his mother’s chirping voice echoing through the room. That’s probably the reason she didn’t pay attention to him. He sighs and takes the stairs two at a time so he can get to his room faster.

He passes his sister’s old room on the way to his and he can’t help but stop and peek through the door that’s always cracked open because his mom likes to think her girls might still come out of there. Liam misses them, too and he understands.

It’s almost empty now, considering Ruth’s married and Nicola moved in with her husband-to-be. All of the girly stuff that used to invade the room is gone now, along with them. Now, it’s just a normal guest room with no traces of two teenage girls ever spending their childhood in there.

Liam sighs, leaning his head against the doorframe. He would give everything to talk to one of the right now. They may have been a pain in his ass when they were younger, but they always knew what to do when it comes to girlfriend problems and always helped him out.

He shakes his head, finally moving to his room.

He lets this door fall shut quietly behind him, unlike the first time. He leans against them for a minute, trying to compose himself, but it doesn’t seem to be working.

He flicks his backpack to his left, not paying attention to where it ends up falling before he flops onto his bed, crumbling the sheets underneath his weight.

It’s hot outside, and he practically ran home. He sits up, pulling off his shoes, socks and the plain white T-shirt right away. When he’s left in only his gray sweatpants, he lays back on the bed, hands behind his head as he stares at the ceiling.

The sheets beneath him are cold against his warm skin that’s glistening with sweat and it protests with the air being colder than on the outside, goosebumps showing up.

He probably needs a shower and a glass of something cold, but he can’t move. He’s too frustrated to do anything, really.

He’s been dating Sophia all through highschool and to be honest, things were going pretty great for the first two and a half years. They were the perfect, clichéd couple. She was a cheerleader and he was the captain of the football team. Everyone seemed to have interest in being a part of their life and since Sophia always liked the attention and popularity and Liam liked her it wasn’t something he was going to oppose to.

Liam also liked the feeling of everyone admiring him and what he had managed to achieve when he was younger. He had an amazing girl, so much people around himself, always begging for his attention and he was always happy to give it. He ended up giving so much that he almost ended up with nothing himself.

Over the years, Liam grew up. All of those friends showed up being fake ones, with no respect for anything he believed in, football became more than just a way to prove himself to others and his girlfriend… Well, Sophia ended up being just a big disappointment.

She was just a shallow waste of space, as Louis liked to put it. Liam didn’t like hearing it, but Louis’ thing was to say everything right into someone’s face. That’s probably one of the main reasons that Sophia hated him with a passion. The feeling was mutual and Liam would bet his life on it, giving the glares Louis gave every time she was around.

Their relationship was still something he couldn’t give up on, though. They were falling apart for the last few months, but she insisted to keep it going and saying that she loved him. Liam was sure he loved her, too, but he was tired of this. Everything became just a habit. Dates, hugs, kisses and even sex. It was just the same old routine where they just wanted it to be over so they could go and do something else.

This was the last day of school. Liam was waiting for her after his classes, even if Louis, Harry and Niall bitched about him leaving them again.

They were his best friends, those three and he knew that they didn’t like her, but they appreciated his decisions and his choices, loving him unconditionally.

He wanted to be with her today, though and apologize because he’s been missing out on her lately. He was too busy with everything else to give enough attention to her and he was feeling guilty because of it. That’s why he wanted to take her out and be with her for the rest of this day, now when they’re finally free of school.

What he saw when she emerged from the building wasn’t an angry girlfriend full of rage and hurt. Sophia was happy and giggling like a maniac to something one of her girls said. Her hair was tied into a high ponytail and Liam rolled his eyes because he liked it loose and lately, Sophia always wears it like this. Her summer dress was too short for his liking and her heels to high for school, but it was part of her that he didn’t want to discuss, knowing there’s no way to end up winning.

She wouldn’t even notice Liam if it wasn’t for one of her friends who tilted her head in his way. He saw that her expression changed drastically as she saw him and stomped over to him, telling her friends to wait up for her.

She didn’t kiss him, not even on the cheek, not even a proper ‘hello’ before she said that she was sorry, but she had made other plans and she forgot to tell him.

Liam tried to explain to her that this was important and that he wanted to tell her something, but she interrupted him before he could get a word out.

“You don’t care about me, Liam. You only care about what you need and what you want.” She said with a bitchy tone and she left with her friends.

Liam stood there, not even understanding why he was shocked anymore and rushed home before he lost his mind over it.

Right now, he was over thinking everything they’ve agreed on. He was trying to remember why this whole thing they had is worth the nerves he’s losing over it.

When nothing realistic came into his mind, he jumped out of the bed and ran into the shower.

He hoped that that’s going to clear some things out.

It didn’t.

After he finished showering, he put on some new clothes and went down for lunch. His mom was setting the table as he entered the kitchen.

“Hi, love.” She said sweetly as he pressed a kiss on her cheek. “How was your day?” She asked.

He helped her with the last of the work and slid into a chair next to hers. “Good.” He said as he served himself. She gave him a knowing look, raising her eyebrow and he smiled at her. “Seriously, mom. It’s fine.”

She shook her head. “That damn girl…” She started, but Liam interrupted.

“Mom.” He groaned.

“I know, I know. It’s none of my business.” She raised her hands in defeat. “It doesn’t mean I’m not right, though.” She mumbled, reaching over for a piece of meat.

“You really don’t like her, do you?” Liam asked, but it sounded more like a statement that a question.

She turned to him and just stared at him for a while. Most of the people would expect her to say that he was wrong and that she loved the girl and that she thought the best of her, respecting Liam’s choice. It was his mother in question, so he wasn’t surprised at all when she said, loud and clear: “No.”

He should probably argue for Sophia’s sake. Instead, he chuckles as his mother shrugs.

They eat in silence before his mother speaks again. “I have something to tell you, love.” She smiles and Liam nods, gesturing for her to carry on. “You remember my friend Trisha? The one who moved away to US a few years ago, when her husband passed away?” Liam nodded again. “She’s moving back here and I invited her and her family to dinner.” She chirped. “They’re gonna be our new neighbors, love. They’re moving into Mrs. Hawkins’ house.” She clapped her hands together happily, looking like a kid on Christmas.

“I’m glad, mom. I know you were best friends and you miss her a lot.” He says honestly.

She sighs. “Yes, I really do. Keeping contact with someone over the phone for so many years is very hard. Plus, I’m really happy our kids get to see each other again. You remember Doniya and Zayn?” Liam nods, because he does. Doniya was his best friend and they kept contact for a year or two after they left, and he remembers Zayn, too and how they played together for hours and hours. “Well, there are Waliyha and Safaa. They were very little when you last saw them.”

“Yeah, Waliyha was four or five and Safaa was just a baby, I think?”

His mom nods. “I’m so happy. I hope we’ll have a good time.” She says.

“I’m sure we will.” Liam assures and the blinding smile his mom sends his way makes everything else melt away.

Saturday is spent in making the house look its best so when the guests come it ends up looking spotless. His mom is freaking out, Liam can see. It’s adorable, Liam thinks, the way she’s so excited to see her best friend after so long.

He was awakened by the rumbling outside in front of the old Mrs. Hawkins’ house. He didn’t have to get up and peek through the window to know that the Maliks arrived, but when he did, he saw his mom already there, hugging a lady her age that he remembers quite well.

Trisha looks the same, he thinks. Long hair colored brown, same crinkling eyes as she smiles at his mother’s goofiness, returning the hugs. She’s a pretty woman and the years only did her a favor.

He can also see Doniya and two little girls running in the front yard, clearly loving their new place.

What catches the most of his attention is the figure leaning against the car.

It’s a boy his age. He smiles at the memories that fill his mind, two little boys hiding under the covers with a flashlight on, reading comic books and discussing which superhero was better. Soft giggles that left his mouth as Liam told jokes that weren’t funny at all, but Zayn still laughed and cuddled closer to him asking for more. He made him feel like they could conquer the world together.

Now, there are only small traces of that boy left. The soft silky hair is still raven black, but a tiny fading blond streak peeks out. It’s buzzed on the sides and the rest of it is styled into a quiff that’s just enough high. Round blushing cheeks are replaced with high cheekbones and a sharp jaw, covered in a light scruff. Lips, no longer slick from the little boy licking them, nervous are now red and plump and curled around a cigarette. They form into ‘o’ as he exhales the smoke.

He’s wearing all black. Trousers that leave nothing to imagination, a black top with a band sign on it and even if it’s hot as hell outside, a leather jacket.

Liam can’t help but roll his eyes because Zayn looks like a total cliché, only missing a motor bike.

That’s when he notices him looking back. He’s wearing a smirk on his lips, and before Liam’s breath catches it turns into an unexpected glare and Zayn throws the fag carelessly on the ground before he goes inside the house.

Liam’s brow furrows in confusion, before he closes the blinds and goes into the shower. He’s probably imagined it all, he assures himself, letting the water wash away the picture of the boy out of his mind.

It’s around seven when the doorbell rings and he hears his mother shriek downstairs. Liam chuckles, because who wouldn’t?

He’s getting ready, putting his clothes on. He decided on a simple white T-shirt, because those are his favorites and dark baggy jeans that sit low on his hips. He styles his hair quickly and it’s easy now that it’s still short from when he got a buzz-cut a few months ago.

He pulls his shoes on, before finally leaving the room. He comes down the stairs and he’s met by a cute little girl at the bottom of it. She’s wearing a mischievous grin on her face, which would surely make Louis Tomlinson bow down to her.

He grins back as he approaches her. “And who are you?” He asks sweetly.

“Safaa!” She says excitedly, extending her hand for Liam to shake.

He chuckles. “Hi, Safaa.” He says as he shakes her hand.

“Are you Leeyum?” She chirps and Liam laughs, nodding. She grins. “You are cute, just like my mom said you’d be.”

“Thank you.” He says slowly, blush creeping onto his cheeks. “Why aren’t you with the others?” He asks.

She shrugs. “I wanted to find you. I was promised a piece of chocolate cake for desert if I did. Now come with me.” She orders, grabbing Liam’s hand and pulling him along.

Liam’s eyes widen in astonishment. She’s a very smart kid and he admires it.

She pulls him out in the back yard where his mother insisted on having dinner, since it was warm and nice.

“Liam, love.” His mother says at the very second he’s out there. “Come here.”

He goes to his mom, Safaa letting go of him and running away somewhere.

He’s met by other three women, all looking gorgeous and smiling at him.

“Liam.” Trisha says as she gathers him into her arms, hugging him tightly. “You’re so… Big, love.” She says and Liam can’t help but laugh.

He did change. He’s grown into a proper man over the years, all the baby fat replaced with muscles and broad shoulders. He grins as he hugs back.

He shakes Waliyha’s hand and grins at her when she croaks a shy and insecure ‘Hi’, but he catches Doniya in a strong hug, lifting her off her feet as she peppers his cheeks with kisses, making everyone giggle.

“Hiya, Li.” She whispers as he puts her on the ground, cradling his face in his hands.

“Missed you, Don.” He admits, because even if they didn’t see each other, he remembers his best childhood friend and everything still feels easy with them. She nods and pulls him into another hug.

When they pull back, he turns around to see everyone already at the table. His mom and Trisha are already engaged into a conversation, not paying attention to anything else. He grins and turns to see Doniya with the same expression on her face.

He pulls her towards the table where Waliyha sits next to Zayn, who’s cradling Safaa in his arms, a fond smile on his face as she talks.

“And Leeyum’s very handsome, Zee. I’m gonna ask him to be my boyfriend when I grow up.” He hears her say and he can feel his cheeks burning and Doniya pinches his arm playfully. “There he is! Leeyum!” She calls out and Zayn turns to look at him, biting his lower lip.

A smirk forms on his lips as he notices Liam blushing at her words.

Liam shakes off the nervous feeling, coming up to them and letting Doniya sit next to him as he slides into the seat next to Zayn’s.

“Hello.” He says slowly, extending his hand for Zayn to shake.

Zayn’s motionless for a moment, just staring into his eyes and when Liam starts thinking he won’t take his hand, he holds Safaa with just one, lifting his arms and curling it around Liam’s own. He nods his hello, choosing to stay quiet, much to Liam’s annoyance because he’s dying to hear his voice. His hand falls, curling around Safaa again as she continues talking.

“Do you have sisters, Leeyum?” She asks.

Liam nods. “Two, actually.” He tells her.

“Where are they?” She asks, pouting.

“They don’t live here anymore, they moved away a few months ago.”

Her expression changes into something sad and Liam feels his gut twist. “I thought they were little, just like me and I’d get to play with them. Waliyha says I annoy her and I hoped they’d be my friends.” Zayn snorts and ruffles her hair.

“You’re a menace, Saf.” He says fondly and Liam can’t help the way his heartbeat picks up pace at the sound of his voice. It sounds so different than he remembers. It’s deeper and kind of raspy, but he blames it on the cigarettes he knows Zayn smokes. “There will be a bunch of new friends for you to impress in your new school, yeah?”

She grins again. “Like I impressed Leeyum?” She says, giving Liam a challenging look. Seriously, Louis would be so proud of this kid.

He crosses his hand across his heart. “I’m completely yours, miss.” He says courtly and she giggles, while Doniya snorts next to him.

Safaa then climbs off Zayn, taking her own seat on the table.

Liam gets up to help his mom set the table and soon enough, they’re all eating and talking about everything they’ve missed. Zayn is quiet, though and whenever Liam tries to engage him into a conversation with Doniya, he just nods and replies shortly. Liam doesn’t know what to do after a while. Something just feels off.

He spends the most of the night after the dinner sitting on an old swing texting someone like his life depended on it, while Liam pushes Safaa on the other one and talks to Doniya.

Eventually, Safaa jumps off the swing running towards the table and Doniya following along, leaving Zayn and Liam alone.

Liam sighs and sits on the empty swing. He should probably say something, given the awkward silence, but Zayn beats him to it. He locks his phone, putting it into his pocket and pulling a pack cigarettes out.

“You know,” he starts, but pauses to light up. “You don’t have to work so hard with me, Liam. Our moms are too caught up into each other to notice anything.” Liam’s brow furrows in confusion. Zayn turns to look at him and notices it. “You’ve been trying so hard all night long that I’m losing my hair over it.” He clarifies.

Liam rolls his eyes. “I’m sorry, it’s just... hard.” He decides. “It’s not easy with you like it’s with Doniya.” He admits.

“You and Doniya were best friends, hell you still are. You and I...aren’t.”

“We aren’t?” Liam asks, but he knows the answer.

“No. So stop.” Zayn snaps. “Go back to the being perfect son, best friend and a perfect student and leave me alone.”

Liam cringes at his tone, because what the hell is wrong with this guy?

“What are you talking about?” Liam snaps at him.

“Stop trying to fool me, like them, Liam. I’m not interested.”

“I’m not…” Liam tries, but Zayn cuts him off.

“Just fucking leave me alone.” Zayn says as he gets up, strolling towards the table.

Liam sits there, eyes widened in shock.

He didn’t exactly expect Zayn to open his arms and pull him into a hug like Doniya, but he sure as hell didn’t expect him to be this rude and annoying. He wanted to please his mom and get along with him, but he’s just going to have to fake it all since there’s no way he’s going to be a friend to an asshole like Zayn.

He gets up and follows after Zayn, taking his seat again.

Zayn’s talking to his younger sisters, making them laugh and Liam feels a slight pang of jealousy, because that’s what he wanted to have with him.

Doniya throws an arm around his neck, smiling apologetically. “Don’t worry about Zayn, he’s just being a little shit, like always. You’ll get used to it, just ignore him.” She says loud enough for Zayn to hear which earns her a glare from her brother and a giggle from Waliyha.

“Kids.” Karen interrupts them, stealing all of their attention. All eyes on her, she continues. “You know that we haven’t seen each other in so long and that your house is still not ready for you to completely move in.” Liam nods because he knows that Trisha hired people to take care of that since most of them were women and honestly, Zayn doesn’t seem the type to help with moving. “Um, I know it’s a bit sudden, but we’ve decided on going somewhere for the rest of the summer, like a vacation.” Everyone at the table cheer excitedly, except for Zayn, who just snorts and Liam, who’s too surprised to even move. “I think we haven’t been on a proper beach for years, Liam and I know how much you like the sea and the water.” His mom says. “And Trisha loved the idea of her children spending some time away from all of this before the school starts in September, so we decided on this.” She finishes.

“Mom.” Liam croaks. “I can’t leave right now.” Everyone falls silent and he can feel all eyes on him. “Me and Sophia are going through a rough time and we promised on trying harder to fix this. I can’t leave for the whole summer!” He exclaims.

Everyone else sighs, except for Zayn who snorts, clearly annoyed with this.

Liam turns to glare at him. “Don’t you have a girlfriend to care about?” Liam asks, because there’s probably no one who can possibly be in a relationship with this idiot and he wants to prove him that he does have a heart.

Zayn turns to him with a smirk. “I do, but I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve like you do and I don’t really care what she thinks.” He smiles, mockingly.

“Of course you don’t.” Liam deadpans.

“Liam.” His mom steals his attention again. “I think this will only do you good and you will realize what you really want when you get away for a bit.” She says slowly.

“I want to keep my girlfriend and that’s not gonna happen if I leave for a couple of months.” He responds.

Zayn snorts again and Doniya reaches behind Liam to slap him on the back of his head. “Will you stop, you cold blooded animal?!” She whispers furiously.

“Both of you stop.” Trisha warns. “Liam, darling. I’m sure you can talk to her. If she’s a good person and she loves you, she’ll understand.”

Liam sighs because he knows that she’ll throw a fit as soon as she hears about this, but he nods.

Zayn shakes his head next to him and he wants to tell him to fuck off, but that would only make things worse.

“Can’t I just stay?” Liam asks meekly. “I’m eighteen. I can take care of myself.”

His mom shakes her head and Zayn laughs lowly. Seriously, he wants to punch him at this point.

“Everyone’s going and I don’t wanna hear a word.” Karen says and Liam knows that she doesn’t give a damn about his girlfriend since she never like her.

“Fine.” He sighs as Doniya pats his back in comfort.

“Sorry, buddy.” She says and he nods.

Their moms go back to talking about their plans, deciding on where to go along with the girls while Zayn and he sit back in silence.

“I don’t wanna go, either, if it’s a consolation.” Zayn says.

Liam turns to him. “It’s really not.”

Zayn shrugs and takes a swing of his beer. “C’mon Liam, cheer up. You’re gonna have me around all the time, to spoil everything for everyone and to question your every move, being a little coldblooded shit like always. How bad can it be?” He says, glaring at Doniya who rolls his eyes at him.

Liam groans. He really is a little shit.

And this is going to be a long summer.

Chapter Text

It’s always been quite easy to adapt to the idea of going on a vacation, for Liam. His mom always made sure that they went somewhere both of them would enjoy everything the place had to offer and he loved the idea of leaving this place for a while.

When you’re practically forced to spend time in this town and with these people during the school year, you can’t wait for summer to get away from all of it for a while. Not this time, though.

This time, his relationship with Sophia is much more delicate than it was for the last couple of years and he thinks there isn’t a right way to tell his dramatic girlfriend that he’s leaving for such a long time and have it all end up all right.

That’s why he’s basically slapping himself mentally when her eyes widen in horror and tears start streaming down her face as soon as he breaks the news.

“What? You’ve…” She’s furious, Liam can tell. “You’ve what?!” Sophia screams.

He went to her place the day after his mom told him. He spent half of it trying to find the best way for all of this to end well, but lost his nerves in the end and just ran to her place and told her once they were alone in her room.

Liam sighs. “Babe, calm down.” He reaches for her, but she pushes him away.

“I can’t calm down, Liam! You’ve just told me that you’re leaving me for two fucking months and when I need you most and you want me to calm down?!” She says incredulously.

“Soph.” Liam tries, but she won’t let up.

“What?!” She snaps. “You haven’t thought of telling your mom that you care about me? That you want to fight for me? For us.”

“I did, but…”

“Well, maybe you just don’t care enough, Liam.” After those words leave her mouth, she suddenly turns sad and tears forming in her eyes are now from pain and not from rage. “Maybe this is your way of breaking up with me.”

Liam storms up to her, cradling her face in his hands. “No. Just.” He fits their foreheads together. “I love you, I don’t want to leave you.” He says with thickness in his voice. “I want to stay here with you, but there’s no way in hell my mom’s gonna leave me behind. And I don’t want to disappoint her.”

“But you can disappoint me.” She says thickly. When Liam’s about to protest, she shakes her head. “It’s okay, she's your mom. And I know she doesn’t even like me.”

Liam shakes his head. “I don’t care about what she thinks. I’m the one who’s dating you.”

He kisses her then, tries to make it better. They pull back after a minute.

“I’m not even close to breaking up with you.” He says. “I think this might do us some good, too.”

She scoffs. “How?”

Liam shrugs. “Make us stronger as a couple. Make us stable and sure of what we want.”

“I want us.” She says immediately.

Liam nods. “That’s what I want, too.” He admits. “Are we gonna do this, then?”

She looks reluctant for a second, but then nods. Liam pulls her into a hug, then. She hugs back just as tight and he can’t help but feel that he’s doing the right thing.

Greece. His mother and Trisha decided on Greece, out of all places.

“You could have taken me all the way to China, you know?” Zayn had snapped right away and Liam thinks that’s the first thing the two of them had agreed on since Zayn was back.

When they told them, the girls loved the idea and Liam would also be happy if it wasn’t for the situation. Zayn, on the other hand was straight with them. He hated the idea and he told them.

Their opinion didn’t seem to matter, obviously because three days after that they found themselves boarding a plane that would take them to some town on the coast of Greece whose name Liam’s brain didn’t bother to remember.

He didn’t even have time to say goodbye to Sophia, only leaving her a note with her dad. Her mom and she had left for a short visit to some relatives and they were due to come back on the weekend, when Liam’s was originally supposed to leave, but because faith is a bitch Liam’s flight was moved for a day earlier.

That’s why he found himself on a plane, sitting next to a pissy Zayn that was groaning because he didn’t catch enough sleep and pissing off a few other passengers that were shooting glares Liam’s way, like he could do something about it.

He insisted on sitting with Doniya, but there were rules that had to be followed and his seat was right next to Zayn’s, so here he was.

“Will you shut up?” Liam hissed.

Zayn opened his eyes and glared at him. “You woke me up at this unholy hour and put me on a stupid plane that will take me to another stupid town, just the same as the stupid one we’re running away from so I can spend two fucking months looking at you whining about how much you miss your girlfriend and staring at the endless pile of water and your stupid face. I don’t want to shut up.” He growls.

Liam rolls his eyes. “Will you stop making everything about you for once?”

Zayn laughs in his face. “Mate, I think that’s you.”

“Just shut up.” Liam snaps. “You’re making everyone else nervous as well.”

Zayn scoffs. “How are you okay with this?” Liam looks at him, confused. “Going to fucking Greece of all the places. Leaving your girlfriend.” He explains.

Liam shrugs. “We’re gonna work it out, I have faith in us.” He whispers.

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Of course you do.” He deadpans.

“Why are you so much against all of this? What’s it to you, if you have no commitments to worry about?” Liam asks curiously.

Zayn’s quiet for a moment, looking ahead. “If it was any of your business, I would’ve told you already.” He says.

Liam would scoff at him, but there something in his voice that stops him. His eyes aren’t sleepy anymore, but sad and he feels more distant than ever. Liam wants to ask, but he knows Zayn would refuse. That’s why he only nods.

Zayn turns to look at him and rolls his eyes again. “Oh, good. You look like a kicked puppy again. Don’t think it’s gonna soften me like the others, though.”

Liam grins. “It’s said to break the strongest, this one.” He teases. “You feel threatened yet?”

“Whatever.” Zayn says and hides his own smile in his shoulder, slumping down in his seat so he can sleep, but not before Liam catches it.

It makes something unknown swell in his chest because he just managed to make a tiny hole in one of the walls that Zayn has built around himself. It makes him feel proud, for some reason.

He slumps in his seat as well, fighting a smile and letting the memories of a distant childhood lull him back to sleep.

After a few hours, the plane has landed and soon enough, Liam finds himself in one of the cars that’s taking them to the hotel where they’re going to spend most of this summer. He spends the whole ride looking through the window, trying to see as many things that his eyes can catch.

His mom said it was a tiny town on the very coast, but Wolverhampton’s tiny. This really isn’t, he judges by the thousands of cars making the traffic imaginably worse than he thought it would be. Tons of people running around like there is no tomorrow, looking like they don’t belong there. That’s how Liam realizes that he’s going to spend his summer in a town full of tourists, instead of calm countryside or a small and quiet town like before. He minds, a bit, but looking at his mom’s and Trisha’s excited faces where they sit behind him basically force him to look for something that’s seems worth of spending the summer here. He finds it, eventually.

He loves the park they pass by on their way to the hotel. It looks like a great place where he can do his morning run without going too far away from the hotel or running through the streets and bumping into the mentioned tourists. The small but very noticeable comic book shop on his left is covered in graffiti and looks old, but that’s one of the most perks places like that have. It means that a lot of people go there and that’s why it’s been there for so long. Liam itches for going immediately, but he knows he’s going to have to wait until they’re settled in the hotel. There’s a music store on his right and he makes a mental note to go and purchase a new guitar for Niall. He knows that his friend lives for music and considers his guitar like another vital part of his body he couldn’t possibly live without, but his current one is in a very bad shape since it’s years old and Niall never really seems to stop playing it. That’s why Liam thought of getting him a new one for his eighteenth birthday. Seems like an awesome present anyway.

Soon enough, they reach their hotel. First thing that Liam notices is that it’s huge and looks amazing. It seems to have endless possibilities of entertaining their guests and Liam can’t wait to see the inside of it and his room, of course.

He gets out of the car, helping the others with the luggage. He grabs his mom’s as well as one of Trisha’s noticing Zayn rolling his eyes and mumbling something incoherent.

Liam glares at him because this hasn’t even started and he’s already being a jerk.

The inside of the hotel is just as he imagined it, if not better. There’s an entrance to a casino on his left, as well as a huge dining room next to it. A cinema on his right looks entertaining enough, but nothing on the posters takes much of his interest. Maybe later, he thinks. There’s a tiny coffee shop next to it, followed by a row of tiny gift shops.

They head over to the reception area to check in and to get their room keys. He’s looking around when his mom breaks him out if it, giving him a key. Number 403, Liam notices.

That’s when it hits him. He has no idea who is he rooming with. He knows that the money isn’t a problem and they could’ve gotten a single room for him, but his mom probably wanted some of them to share rooms.

He looks at Doniya, but she’s standing next to Safaa and Waliyha with a grimace on his face. Okay, he thinks. It’s logical for the older sister to take care of the younger ones. He switches his eyes to his mom, but she and Trisha are too caught up in a conversation and Liam supposes that they’re sharing as well.

He feels all of his muscles tense as his eyes widen in horror because no way this is happening.

He turns around to find him looking back into his eyes, with a smirk on his face that Liam wants to wipe away with a punch.

“Hi, roomy.” Zayn says teasingly and Liam groans.

“There’s no way in hell this is happening.” He facepalms. “Mom!” He calls out, causing everyone to look at him. “Can’t I just room with one of the girls?” His mom snorts and Trisha grins.

“This is a good way of you guys to bond.” Trisha says.

“No offence, Trish.” Liam says. “But I don’t wanna bond with a psychopath that wants to kill me in my sleep.” Trisha doesn’t seem offended, even if his mother gives him a warning look. Trisha only laughs at him.

“Consider his psychopath’s feelings hurt.” Zayn says and Liam turns to glare at his fake puppy dog look and a hand he's got over his heart. He’s looks like one of those famous stuck up people just waiting for everything to be given to him on a golden plate. He’s also got a cigarette tucked behind his left ear and Liam knows he’s going to light up as soon as they’re in the room which makes this entire situation even worse.

“Boys, Trisha’s right. You better not make me regret this decision and try to bond a little.” Karen says.

“Or what?” Zayn teases.

Karen turns to him with a killing smirk of his own and Liam’s lips twitch in spite of everything as he fights a smile. “I’ll ground you and lock you both inside of that room and the only thing you’re gonna see, hear and smell for as much as I want is going to be the other one.” She says, making both of the boys groan in frustration as the women around them laugh.

“You’re being mean, Mrs. P.” Zayn says, but he grins at her and gives her a wink and she can’t help but return the guesture. He turns to Liam, then. “Let’s go and see that cell of ours, then.” He says pointedly, patting Liam on the back as he passes him and starts towards the elevator.

Liam rolls his eyes. “Dammit.” He curses lowly.

“Move it, Wonderboy.” Zayn calls out and Liam stomps after him, blushing at the nickname and not even understanding why.

Their room is huge, as Liam can notice from the doorway. There’s a tiny hallway leading to it, so the first thing they check out is the bathroom on the left. It’s big and white and the shower is large enough for three people to fit in and Liam likes it. Zayn leaves before him as Liam stays to observe the huge mirror and the attractive white-blue cabinets. There will be enough space for both of them to be comfortable, Liam can tell.

“Oh, shit.” Zayn practically gasps from the room which makes Liam retreat and see for himself what made him sound so shocked.

“What?” He snaps as he approaches Zayn, who looks like he got hit by a truck.

He notices a wall made completely out of glass, giving a perfect view of the beach and the endless sea. It makes Liam’s breath hitch, because it’s breathtaking. He doesn’t want to take his eyes off it, but Zayn clears his throat, stealing his expression.

“Yeah, I know. The view’s ace. But…” He gestures to the other side of the room and Liam turns to look.

His eyes widen comically as he notices the real reason of Zayn’s shocking gasp.

There’s only one bed in the room.

Zayn actually giggles at his expression. Fucking giggles when Liam wants to pull his hair out.

“This is not funny.” He chastises.

It’s not that he minds sharing a bed with someone. He’s done it with Sophia multiple times and it’s not even because Zayn is a guy because he’s done it with Harry, Niall and Louis. It’s because this is Zayn and it’s for the whole summer and Liam didn’t even stand the idea of sharing a room with him, a lot less the bed. If things between them were any different, then maybe. But like this? Just no.

Zayn snorts. “I hope you don’t mind sharing covers, Liam.” He teases and Liam fights a blush creeping on his face.

“I do, as a matter of fact.” He snaps.

“That poor girlfriend of yours probably freezes most of the time, then.” Zayn says as he pulls out his lighter and plucks out the cigarette that was behind his ear, lighting it. Liam grimaces at the smell.

“Do you have to do that?” Zayn shrugs and Liam growls. “And don’t talk about my girlfriend.”

Zayn opens the door leading to the little balcony, flicking the ashes over the edge.

“I’m just stating the facts, roomy.” He says. “That’s probably why she wants to leave you.”

That does it.

“Shut up!” Liam shouts. “You have no right to say that!”

Zayn flicks his cigarette somewhere, getting back into the room. He’s wearing a disinterested look on his face. “I can do whatever I want, Liam.”

Liam scoffs. “You have no right to act like you know me and to talk about my relationship.” Zayn looks up angrily making Liam cringe under his gaze. “You’re giving everything too much thought. Why don’t you just accept the fact that that thing’s gonna be over before the summer’s even done?”

“Shut up!” Liam shouts, getting into his face.

Zayn comes even closer, their noses touching.

“What If I don’t?” He says challengingly.

His breathing is perfectly calm while Liam’s chest is moving fast with his ragged breathing.

There’s nothing he can do, actually. He might even lift a hand and punch him and Zayn’s still going to be an idiot. That’s not changing any time soon. That’s why he pulls away and storms into the bathroom. Zayn’s amused chuckle fades away as he slams the door shut.

He takes his clothes off, climbing into the shower. He keeps the water almost cold as he tries to adjust to it. This is what he always does. Every time he gets upset end tries to run away from the world, he tries to drown the problems under the spray of water. It helps most of the times, but this time it doesn’t.

When he gets out of the shower, the room is completely empty and Zayn is nowhere to be found.

Thank God, Liam thinks. He’s not sure he could handle him at the moment.

He unpacks, seeing that Zayn still hadn’t bothered with his bags that are still in the middle of the room. He does it slowly, paying attention to put everything in the right place.

After he’s done, he get’s dressed and ready to go out. They’ve agreed on dinner with the rest of the family and he makes himself look presentable.

Zayn’s still not back, though. Liam feels a pang of guilt in his chest, but wills it away immediately because all of this is Zayn’s fault and not his.

He grabs his phone and his wallet before he exits the room.

The dinner with the family is absolute bliss. Everyone’s excited about seeing new stuff and going to the beach. Trisha and Karen make sure to warn everyone to take care of themselves and of the youngest ones, but give the rest of them enough freedom to do anything and anytime, but only if it’s safe and legal.

Zayn is not at the table, Liam notices as soon as he gets there. Doniya explains that he already ate and had the talk with the mom’s and left for a walk. Liam only nods in response. He can see that Doniya notices that something’s wrong, but she keeps quiet, probably brushing it off on Zayn’s usual behavior.

After the dinner, he excuses himself and leaves the table and the hotel, taking the unfamiliar path towards the shore.

He follows the smell of the salt in the air and the sound of waves crashing against each other, more than signs.

In a few minutes, he’s got his shoes in his hand and he’s walking over the wet sand. The cold water brushes his feet every now and then and disappears again as the sea retreats.

He loves the sea. It makes him feel humble and delicate next to something so immense and powerful. He enjoys the way the water hugs his body and all the things it lets him do which gravity prevents when he’s on the dry land.

When he was a kid, he would spend as much as time as he could in the water, until his lips were blue and his fingers were numb because the water was cold. His mother shouted at him for it, but he still did it over and over again.

The beach is mostly deserted, probably because the night is falling. Liam turns to leave after a few minutes, the air chilly against his naked skin and that’s when he notices a familiar figure nearby.

He’s sitting in the sand, leaning forward on his knees and staring at the endless water in front of himself. He doesn’t notice Liam, even if he’s close enough, but Liam blames it on the fact that he looks so lost in his thoughts to notice anything, really.

The last remains of sun give him a special glow in this light, one that Liam never noticed before. His skin is a shade darker, but warmer. Amber eyes reflect the golden shades that would even make the Sun jealous. He’s got his leather jacket on and the clothes from earlier, but the wind destroyed the quiff and the strands of hair are flying in random directions making him look younger and boyish.

Liam’s lungs clench at the sight, leaving him breathless. He doesn’t understand why, because he’s never looked at anyone like this, he’s never stared.

Zayn is truly a sight to behold, he thinks and then, what?! He shakes his head, trying to look away. He manages, somehow, tuning away to get back to the hotel, but spares one last glance at Zayn before he leaves.

He’s still lost in his thoughts and Liam craves to know what they’re about.

Another half an hour passes after he gets into his room and into the bed for Zayn to come in and go straight into the bathroom. Another half an hour passes until he comes out, lights a cigarette and goes out on the balcony.

It takes an eternity of anticipation on Liam’s side to hear him come back and close the door. He turns the lights off and it’s so quiet for an entire minute that Liam thinks he might’ve left the room, until he hears Zayn sigh and crawl under the covers with him.

Liam makes sure that Zayn’s breathing even out before he turns around to face him.

Just like him, he’s on his own side of the bed, curled under the covers. He’s lightened softly from the streetlights and Liam can see that his hair is slightly damp, falling over his eyes. He looks calm and at ease and nothing like Zayn he’s gotten used to.

Liam sighs and closes his eyes, too. It’s going to be hard, but they’ll have to make it work, for everyone’s sake.

Soon, his breathing evens out as well and he falls asleep bathing in the scent of citrus that Zayn brought into the room.

Chapter Text

The next day, Liam wakes up alone. Which has no sense, because Doniya told him that Zayn slept in late and wouldn’t wake up early even if it was the last day of his life and the apocalypse threatened to level the Earth.

Liam turns to look at the clock. To say that it’s early would be an understatement. It’s 7:30 a.m. and that’s early, even for Liam. He has no idea what dragged Zayn out of bed at this hour.

He sighs, running a hand through his messy hair. He can’t sleep anymore, either. Too many things are bugging him this early and that kills the need for sleep.

That’s why he gives up on trying and gets out of the bed, groaning at the heat. Zayn left the door to the balcony opened and all the hot air from the outside got inside the room. He goes to it and slams it shut, heading into the shower to wash away the sweat clinging to his skin.

Once he’s freshly showered and dressed, he takes the familiar path leading to the beach. The air is hotter than he expected and he craves the cold water that the sea provides, but he forgot his swimming shorts and he’ll have to wait for it later.

He takes the path he took the night before, breathing in the scent of salty water and enjoying the way his feet disappear in the sand. He notices his mom and the girls swimming near the shore. His mom is laughing while holding onto Safaa, probably to take care of her since she’s the youngest. She looks so different, Liam thinks. He gets it better now, how much she misses Nicola and Ruth. It was like this every year when they were still at home, but since they moved out it’s just been the two of them and it wasn’t quite the same. He smiles at the view because it’s heartwarming.

“Liam.” Trisha calls out to him and he turns his attention to her, smiling immediately. “It’s nice to see you out of bed this early.” She says and he approaches her and sits beside her on the sand, facing the sea.

“Morning.”

“Morning, sunshine.” She says. “Is my son even thinking about getting out of bed today?”

Liam’s brow furrows in confusion. “He wasn’t even in the room when I woke up so I think he’s already up.”

“Really?” Her eyes widen and Liam can’t help but chuckle a little at her expression. “That’s nothing like him.”

“Yeah, well.” Liam says lamely, switching his eyes to the girls. His chest feels tight when he speaks up again, because this feels more than awkward. But Liam needs to know. “I thought I knew him, you know?” He says. He can feel Trisha’s eyes on him and he continues. “Doniya didn’t change at all. She’s still that same protective big sister that she was when we were kids, the same words and giggles and the same fond looks. But Zayn?” Liam shakes his head. “I don’t even know what I expected, but this is surely far from it. He’s just so different and I don’t know how to act around him.” He confesses.

Trisha sighs and Liam turns to look at her again. She’s gazing at the sea, profound sadness in her eyes.

“He was such a lovely kid, remember?” She says and Liam nods, because he does. “He was never loud like Doniya, or a riot like Safaa is. He was shy and quiet, but confident at the same time. There was that special shine in his eyes, as cliché as it sounds.” She laughs a little. “But then his dad died.” She turns to look at Liam and his throat clenches. “They were inseparable, Zayn and him. He taught him everything, from how to make his favorite dish and how to play footie. To draw, too. It was one of the many things they had in common. When my husband died, everything came crashing down and that little boy vanished from thin air.” She says. “You know, sometimes I think it was my biggest mistake taking them away from home. From you, Liam.” Liam looks at her confusedly. “You were such a good boy, Li. You dealt with your father leaving so well. You stayed strong and sane and I know you’d make it all better for him as well and you’d ground him.” She finishes.

“It’s not your fault.” Liam says. “You were doing what you thought was best for your children.” He smiles sadly. “I wish you stayed, too.” He confesses.

Trisha nods, dropping a hand around Liam’s shoulders, drawing him in close. This feels just like Doniya’s hug, just more motherly and loving, Liam thinks. He missed Trisha just as much. She always treated him like he was one of her own children, never making a difference. Plus, she was one of the coolest moms he’s ever met.

“I wanted to ask you something, a favor.” She says apologetically.

“Sure, what is it?”

“I know you boys aren’t in such a good state with your friendship, but I thought you might help him break some of the bad habits he’s reluctant to let go.”

Liam snorts. “I’d say no problem, but whenever I try to make him stop smoking, even in the room, he throws a fit and tells me to go to hell.”

She grimaces. “I’m sorry. He’s just so stubborn.”

Liam nods pointedly, because he is. But he can’t help but feel guilty with the lost expression on Trisha’s face so he finds himself saying: “I’ll try, though. I promise.”

He doesn’t even think about it and he wants to take it back because Zayn is an asshole and doesn’t deserve it, but the grin that spreads on Trisha’s face makes it worth the trouble.

She kisses him on the cheek as they go back to small talk and watching the rest of the girls.

Back in the room, he tries calling Sophia, but she doesn’t pick up. It makes Liam feel guilty and angry because this was his fault for leaving without a proper goodbye, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He thought she would understand, but he knows her too well and he’s sure she’s probably brooding and prissy at the moment.

He sighs, throwing his phone away and sitting on the bed. That’s when Zayn comes in, surprising him.

There’s a cigarette dangling from his mouth, filling the room with the smoke in seconds.

“You done being bitchy about your girlfriend, Wonderboy?” He says as he slumps into the seat from across the bed.

Liam glares at him. “If you’re done being an asshole about it.” He says, making Zayn scoff.

“It’s not my fault I’m gonna end up being right in the end.” Zayn says before he takes a drag from his cigarette.

Liam rolls his eyes at him. “You shouldn’t smoke so much.” He says instead of responding.

Zayn’s eyes narrow at him. “Did mommy dearest talk to you about this?”

“No.” Liam lies, but he blushes immediately and he knows that Zayn sees right through him.

“Don’t.” Zayn snaps. “I know she begged you to talk to me and help me stop it, but I don’t need help and especially not from you. And you don’t even want to help me!” He throws away his finished cigarette through the window.

Liam gets up from the bed. “No, I really don’t. But…”

“Of course you don’t.”Zayn interrupts. “But golden boy couldn’t tell her a simple no that would ruin the perfect image, right?” He snaps again.

Liam opens his mouth to talk again, but his phone goes off and he slams it shut. He’ll get back to Zayn later.

Zayn only scoffs at him as he gets out on the balcony, picking up.

“Soph, I’ve been trying to call you the whole day.” He says.

Sophia sighs on the other side of the line. “I didn’t think you’d remember, to be honest.” And the bitchy tone is back. Liam facepalms. He loves her, but she can be really insensitive sometimes.

“Don’t say that, Sophia.” He says. “I had no choice but to leave so suddenly. I know we agreed to spend a day together before I left, but it wasn’t much of a choice.”

She scoffs. “One would think you did have a choice. You always act good and you do anything your mother wants. I think you should take advantage of that sometimes and do something for yourself, for us. But you don’t, not even this little thing I asked for.” She finishes angrily.

“I left you a letter explaining everything.” Liam says, not commenting on what she said.

“I read it.” She says. “I wish you told me in person, though.”

“Well, that clearly wasn’t possible.” Liam finally snaps, not able to help himself.

She scoffs again. “You don’t have to say it in that tone. You know what?!”

“What?” Liam rolls his eyes.

“I need time to think about this, us.” She says angrily. “I think we should pause it a bit.”

Liam’s eyes widen. “Break up?” He asks shakily.

“No.” She grits out. “Take a pause, Liam. Exactly what I said. Cool it off for a bit, yeah?”

He shakes his head. “I…”

“I’ll call you, Liam. Bye.”

His head snaps up. “Soph…” But she hanged up on him.

He puts his phone back into his pocked, leaning against the fence for a few minutes.

He knows all of this is his fault, but he really couldn’t do anything about it and Sophia has been in a relationship with him long enough to know that he would never do anything to hurt her on purpose. She doesn’t, though. And this is the main reason things have been going bad lately.

She finds mistakes in the smallest things and always blames it on Liam. Sometimes he’s sure that all she really wants to do is fight with him. He tries to shake it off, but the rage and anger inside of him can’t seem to vanish. He can still smell the smoke from Zayn’s cigarettes from the inside and even though he doesn’t like the, he craves one if it means it would take the edge off.

Turning around, he goes back inside, closing the door behind himself.

“Trouble in paradise?” Zayn is still right where Liam left him, another fag dangling from his hands. He’s wearing a teasing smirk on his lips and Liam wants to punch him. It seems like a normal situation when ever Zayn’s around.

“Shut up.” Liam snaps.

“Told you I was gonna be right.”

“We didn’t break up.” Liam insists.

“Yet.” Zayn says pointedly and Liam sighs, falling face down on his bed. Zayn chuckles, the bastard. “C’mon, Wonderboy. She’s just another hoe.”

Liam lifts his head to glare at him. “Hoe is a piece of gardening equipment.” He points out.

Zayn shrugs carelessly, taking another drag from his cigarette. “Easy to forget when I see no difference. Not that she has any brain in her head when she’s dating you of all people.”

“Fuck you!” Liam doesn’t know if that’s an insult on his or Sophia’s account, but he still jumps up from his bed. “Why are you so rude?”

“It’s given.” Zayn says immediately.

Liam rolls his eyes. “I can’t believe I have to put up with this shit.” He barks and grabs shorts, heading to the bathroom to change.

“And we still have the rest of the summer.” Zayn calls after him.

Liam wishes he’d drown.

The rest of the week is spent mostly on the beach.

Even though he’s practically and adult, his mom had to drag him out of the water so he wouldn’t spend the rest of the summer in a bed with a fever. The water still feels the same, caressing his skin after the first shock of getting inside when it’s cold. The sun used to burn his skin, but not anymore. It’s feels warm and welcoming after he got out.

He built a castle of sand with the smaller girls and raced Doniya around the shore a few times. He taught Safaa to swim better and spent the most of the time teasing Waliyha about a brown haired boy she developed a crush on.

His mom and Trisha would mostly spend time laying on the ground and getting some tan, even though he knew they’d both just get sunburns.

Zayn spent those time fully dressed, sitting on the shore with a notebook and a pencil in his hands. He wrote and drew for hours and Liam wanted to take a peek to know what was in there, but he didn’t because he knew that Zayn would say that it was none of his business and to fuck off.

He never got into the water, though. He was like a cat, Liam thought. Whenever someone would mention water or swimming, or when Doniya tried to push him in he would jump away like a savage cat. Liam wishes he understood why.

Everyone acted like it was completely normal for him to act like that, even Liam’s mom. It’s like there was a reason everyone else knew, except for him.

Whatever, Liam thought. It’s not like I want to have anything to do with him.

But he did and it made him anxious, the realization. He wanted to break those walls around Zayn and to get that little boy back, but he didn’t know how.

No one has ever confused him this much.

Chapter Text

He runs as fast as his feet can carry him. He knows he needs to get there on time or it might be too late.

His lungs hurt from the exertion, but he doesn’t give up. The ground seems to be slipping away under his feet and the way home seems much longer than he remembers. The little box that he’s clutching in his arms feels like it’s going to slip away from his sweating hands and he fights against it, pulling in closer.

One more block and he’ll be there.

He almost crashes into an old lady on the corner, but he can’t stop to apologize even as she shouts after him.

Six more houses. His breathing his ragged and his heart is jumping out of his chest.

Three more. He sees the car in front of his house and his mom and Trisha clutching onto each other tightly.

A few more feet and he stumbles in front of his house, his cheeks flushed and sweat on his forehead. The two women pull back and turn to face him.

“Li!” Karen says, tears evident on her face. “Where have you been, boy?”

“I…” Liam gasps. “I had to bring this.” He lifts the box with his trembling hands.

Trisha can’t contain the sob that escapes. She kneels down, drawing Liam into her arms and he clutches her closer, returning the hug.

“You are a good boy, Liam. Never let anyone change that about you.” She says and Liam nods into her neck, feeling his own tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

“Please don’t go.” He begs. Trisha pulls back, shaking her head. “There’s nothing more that I wish than to have things be the way they were before, but I can’t change what happened.” She says mournfully. “I wish we could stay to, but we have to leave, sunshine.”

“When will you come back?” Liam croaks.

“One day.”

“Promise?”

“I swear, love.” Trisha says.

“Can you…” He cuts himself short, but she understands. She takes the box from his hands and smiles softly. Then, she fits a kiss on his forehead and gets up.

After she gives his mom another hug she gets into the car.

Doniya sits in the back of the car, her head hung low as she smiles sadly at Liam. She’s cradling a sleepy Safaa in her arms while Waliyha’s already asleep next to her.

He returns the smile and wipes away the tears that threaten to fall again.

He’s sitting in the front, with an emotionless face. Liam’s heart breaks at the sight. This is not what he’s used to see when it comes to his best friend, but it’s a harsh reality.

Zayn hasn’t said a word since the funeral and he only ate when he saw Doniya cry and beg for it. He showed no emotions at all. Liam though he was going to break and cry, but Zayn only entered some state of shock and then resignation. He was another person and Liam didn’t know how to act around him anymore.

He’d like to come up to the car and say something to him, but Liam is out of words.

Instead of that, he stands still and watches Trisha drive away. He feels his mom come up to him and hug him as they look after the car.

At the last moment, as the car’s about to turn on the corner, he sees a little boy his age bolt up from his seat as he turns around swiftly to catch Liam’s eye, teary-eyed.

Liam tries to move and run after them, but his mom stops him and the car disappears from the view soon enough.

As he stands there, looking at the almost empty street, he feels suddenly cold and alone no matter how hard his mother hugs him.

Liam stirs from his sleep. He blinks a few times, trying to recover from the dream he just had.

There’s sweat across his forehead and his breathing is ragged, just like in the very vivid dream he just had. Except it’s not a dream. It’s a memory that’s never left Liam live in peace.

He always remembers that day and always asks himself how things could have been if the Maliks had never left.

Liam sighs, sitting up. He runs a hand through his hair, grimacing at the sweaty mess he is. He automatically thinks of showering and moves to get up and go into to bathroom when he realizes that he’s alone in the room.

The other side of the bed is still unmade and the scent of tobacco is strong, but there are no signs of Zayn.

Until he hears him, that is. Liam can hear the shower running and there’s a steady beat of bass coming from the bathroom. Zayn likes to shower with the music on, Liam remembers.

His throat constricts when he notices that there’s another sound.

He hears a sweet, silky voice harmonizing with the lead singer. It’s steady and confident, like Zayn is. It follows the voice from the speakers, if not overshadowing it.

“He can sing.” Liam whispers to himself. It’s an understatement, really. The way Zayn catches on the lower parts and then suddenly hits a perfect high note has Liam holding his breath.

Liam falls down on the bed as the song changes into something slower. He recognizes Ed Sheeran’s voice immediately, Louis’ fault. Closing his eyes, he listens carefully.

When your legs don't work like they used to before

And I can't sweep you off of your feet,

Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?

Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

He doesn’t dare to move a muscle, too afraid he might make him stop even if he’s in the other room.

And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways,

Maybe just the touch of a hand.

His breathing shallows as Zayn reaches the chorus.

So honey now

Take me into your loving arms,

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars,

Place your head on my beating heart.

His voice is seductive and amorous, persuasive. Liam’s never heard him like that. It makes his skin prickle with some new energy he wants to will away, but he fails.

I'm thinking out loud,

Maybe we found love right where we are.

He finishes and Liam can almost hear him sigh.

Liam pushes the covers and jumps out of the bed. He doesn’t even considers putting some clothes on before he goes out on the balcony, closing the door behind himself with a thump.

He breathes in the fresh but hot air that doesn’t do much to cool off the anxiousness he’s feeling.

Later, when he’s sure that Zayn had come out of the bathroom and that he left the room, Liam goes inside and takes a shower himself. He keeps the water colder than he usually would and finally it helps, just like Liam hoped it would.

His mind clears and the lump in his throat feels slightly smaller than it was.

After that he gets dressed, deciding on loose jeans and his favourite thank top, instead of a swimming suit. He’s not going to swim today. The water seems too cold, given to all the people he saw down on the beach that we’re sitting on the shore instead of getting in the water. At least, he’ll go and check for himself. He can always come back and change his clothes.

He grabs his stuff before going down for a coffee.

The coffee shop is crowded, but he manages to find a space, sitting near the exit.

The waitress, her name tag says Maya, seems a bit too friendly and Liam fights and eye roll after she comes with his order and a phone number on the check.

He smiles knowingly at the wink he gets, pays the bill and leaves the money with the bill on the table.

She’s a pretty little thing, sure, but Liam’s not the one to cheat and this is no exception.

He enjoys his caffeinated sugar bomb, as Harry calls it and heads down to the beach right after.

The shore is crowded with families, children screeching and screaming as they play in the shallow end in the water and in the sand. He smiles at a boy and a girl making mud pies from the wet sand. It all seems so familiar and he misses his sisters once again.

He knows that Nicola would bitch about the heat and Liam’s enthusiasm about the water, while Ruth would take his side and flip her off. He misses them so much.

When two boys run beside him chasing another on, he almost trips over his own feet trying to get out of their way. He recovers his balance quickly and chuckles at them.

He continues his walk to his favourite part of the beach. It’s a bit isolated from the rest of the places people spend the day, a huge high rock with a perfect view of the rest of the beach and the endless water. It gives him peace and consolation, sitting there in quiet. As he comes closer to it, he notices a familiar figure on the top.

Liam sighs. He should probably turn around and go, but there’s something at the back of his mind that won’t let him do it. That’s why he continues to walk.

Once again, he’s lost in his thoughts and doesn’t even notice when Liam climbs up to up. It’s when Liam sits next to him that he tenses and jerks his head around swiftly to look at the intruder.

Liam doesn’t look at him. He keeps his eyes at the water ahead of them instead.

“I didn’t ask for company.” Zayn says venomously.

Liam snorts and turns to look at him. He’s glaring openly at Liam like that would make him get up and leave instantly.

“And I didn’t wanna share my favourite spot with you, either.” Liam shots back. “But you’re still sitting here.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Of course this is your favourite spot. Just like you, to sit high and above the world, looking down at all the other mortals like the king you are.” He spits.

Liam grimaces. “And of course you’re in one of your moods again. It was a bad idea coming up here in the first place.”

“I don’t have moods!” He snaps and Liam snorts. “I don’t.” Zayn insists.

“Yes you do. You’re all fine at one moment and you’re singing in the shower and then you run away from the world and build some kind of walls around yourself to hide away from everyone.” Liam says firmly. He ignores a slightly panicked expression on Zayn’s face and carries on because he needs to get it all out. “You play with Safaa and tease Waliyha and you smile at our moms and then you flip the switch and I see you sitting on the shore, far away from everyone and the water, getting lost in that notebook of yours like your life depended on it. And no matter how much Safaa begs you to get into the water with her, you refuse and choose to stay away from it, fully clothed and wearing a leather fucking jacket even if it’s a million degrees outside. I just don’t get you.” He finishes.

Zayn has diverted his eyes away from his, choosing to stay quiet. For the first time, Liam wanted a reaction from him and for the first time he doesn’t get one. If he was confused before, it’s nothing compared to this.

Liam shakes his head furiously when Zayn doesn’t say a word. He jumps from his spot, ready to leave him to his brooding self once again.

“I can’t swim.” Zayn says. His voice is uncertain and it sounds more like a question than a statement. Liam stops dead in his tracks.

“What?” He half-turns to look back at him.

“I don’t get into the water because I can’t swim.” Zayn says more firmly, not taking his eyes off the water.

That makes no sense in Liam’s mind. Zayn is much older than both of his younger sisters and they both know how to swim.

He makes his way back and sits back next to him. He’s out of words, waiting for Zayn to speak up again. He does after a while.

“I never learned how to.” He admits. “My mom’s always telling me that I should and she wanted me to take lessons this summer, but I refused.”

Liam’s brow furrows in confusion. “Why?” Zayn snorts, sparing Liam a look. There’s something uncertain in his eyes, like he’s afraid to admit. “Zayn.” Liam warns.

Zayn sighs. “I’m afraid of the water.” He snaps. “And don’t you dare give me shit about it.” He warns and Liam would laugh at his expression, but he’s sure Zayn would kill him and dump his body somewhere where no one would find it. He shakes his head instead.

“I won’t.” He promises. “But why didn’t you take classes? I’m sure they have great instructors here.”

“Because,” Zayn starts. “Only children take them. And seriously, Liam, think about it. Do I seriously seem like a person that would spend a few hours a day learning how to swim with a bunch of children making fun of me?” He asks.

Liam can’t contain a laugh, but quickly recovers from it. “No, you don’t.” He admits.

“There you go, then.” Zayn says.

There’s a sudden idea in Liam’s head. It’s such a bad one and he wants to kill himself for even thinking about it, because it’s such a bad idea. He can’t shake it off, though. He bites his bottom lip to try and forbid the words to come out, but he still finds himself talking.

“I could help, maybe?” He says slowly.

He feels Zayn tense next to him and turns around to look at him.

“No.” Zayn says as their eyes meet. “No way.” He shakes his head, his eyes wide opened.

“Why not?” Liam asks. “You don’t have to take those lessons and you’ll still make your mom happy. Plus I’m not a bad teacher. I taught Safaa.” Liam points out.

“I don’t need your help.” Zayn insists, shaking his head.

“Zayn...” Liam tries, but Zayn won’t let up. He gets up and brushes off his clothes.

“No. I don’t want you to help me just so you can be the golden boy in my mom’s eyes once again. Besides, don’t worry, she likes you better than me anyways. It’s not gonna make much more difference.” He says and then storms off.

Liam watches him jump off the rock and furiously stomp away like Liam’s proposition burned him to ashes.

He’s left there alone, mouth slightly opened and his eyebrows drawn in confusion.

“You idiot.” He says to himself. “You knew it was a bad idea.”

He shakes his head and gets up as well. He climbs down slowly and unlike Zayn he walks slowly back to the hotel.

As soon as he enters the hotel, he notices the girls in the lobby. They all smile at him, but the youngest one starts running towards him.

“Leeyum!” Safaa chirps and launches herself into his arms.

He catches her easily, lifting her up and chuckling into her hair when he hugs her back.

“Hiya Saf.” He says.

“Where have you been, Leeyum? Momma and Auntie Karen took us shopping and she bought me a gorgeous dress!” She exclaims, making everyone laugh.

“Is that so?” Liam gasps mockingly and she nods excitedly.

“She says I can wear it at dinner tonight. And now we’re going to have ice cream. Come with?” She asks hopefully.

Liam shakes his head apologetically. “I’m sorry, Saf but I’m a bit tired and I want to lay down for a bit, yeah?”

Her face falls but she nods. “Okay. Gotta go now.” She presses a sweet kiss on his cheek and wiggles out of his arms.

She loves the way Liam can lift her up without much effort because her mom always tells her that she’s too big for that and nobody except Zayn and him does it anymore.

“Have fun!” He calls after the girls and they waves at them before taking off.

His phone goes off before he even opens the door. He retrieves it and the key from his back pocket.

Sophia’s name flashes across the screen and he smiles before pressing the button to accept the call.

“Hi, Soph.” He says as he struggles for a bit to unlock the door, holding the phone between his head and his shoulder.

“Hey, Li. What are you doing?” She asks.

“I was down at the beach for a mo’ and I’m just getting back into my room.”

He closes the door, coming into the room. Zayn’s lying on the bed, only in his jeans and a black T-shirt. The rest of his clothes are carelessly thrown over the floor. He’s got a cigarette in one hand and takes a drag from it before blowing out the thick smoke in little circles, not sparing Zayn even a look although he definitely noticed him come in.

“You, babe?” He asks Sophia.

“Nothing. I was just out with some friends and I thought to give you a call.” She says nonchalantly, but Liam notices that something’s off.

“Is everything fine? You seem weird.” He has to ask. He can hear her sigh on the other side of the line. “Soph?” He tries again.

He almost trips over Zayn’s shirt on the floor and bends down do pick it up. He makes a ball of it and throws it in Zayn’s direction, hitting him straight in the face.

Zayn grabs it and makes a protesting sound at the same time Sophia starts talking. Liam rolls his eyes at him.

“Okay, look.” She starts. “Let’s not make this longer than it should be.” Liam tenses at her tone. “Things haven’t been great lately...” She curses lowly. “Okay, they’ve been pretty shit and you know it.”

“What are you talking about?” Liam asks impatiently. It seems to catch Zayn’s attention as well, because he sits up obviously listening to their conversation and not giving a damn if he’s being rude. Liam actually doesn’t give a damn about it at this point, really.

“I think we should take a pause, Liam.” She blurts out quickly.

Liam heartbeat picks up at this point, the thumping too loud in his ears. She cannot be serious, Liam thinks. She can’t be throwing all of this away like this. He tries to calm down his breathing as he speaks up again.

“Are you breaking up with me?” He says incredulously. “Like this? Over the phone?”

“Yes!” She snaps. “It would be different and maybe it wouldn’t even happen if you were here instead of fucking Greece that’s like a world away from me!”

“It’s not my fucking fault, Sophia. I’ve been trying to explain it to you for days!” He shouts back.

“Well, now you don’t have to anymore.” She says in a bitchy tone that Liam hates so much.

Liam sighs. “So it’s over, just like this?”

“I guess so.”

“Soph, please let’s just talk about it.” He begs. He practically hears Zayn roll his eyes.

“Not like this, Li.” She insists. “Maybe when you come back and we’re still into this.”

Liam’s nods even if she can’t see it. “You’ve really made up your mind about this, ha?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” She sighs. “Look, have fun in Greece and take care of yourself. You can still call me if you need something, you know that?” She doesn’t wait for a response before she hangs up after a half-hearted goodbye.

Liam detaches the phone from his ear setting it on the table and dropping down onto the armchair next to the wall of glass.

He runs his hand down his face, trying to gather his senses.

This was sudden and he’s left in some state of shock, but when he thinks about it, he should have felt it coming. After all, there were only small bits of this relationship left and they were nothing he could have used to save it.

But he knows that once the rope breaks and you tie the ends back together in a knot, that knot’s always going to be there as a reminder that it could break again and it’s always going to be an obstacle. That’s what it would feel like if they tried to get back together. And Liam knows that they’re not going to give it another try.

He feels alone and cold, like he hasn’t felt in years. He’s hit with a realisation that he just lost something and someone that he had for years and that it’s not coming back and it’s like the whole air emerges from his lungs. He clenches his eyes shut, his head in his hands.

After a while, he hears Zayn shift on the bed. That’s when he realises that he’s not alone. He jerks his head up to find Zayn sitting at the end of the bed, looking at him curiously. His hair is messed up. Strands of hair standing in different directions, making him look much younger than usually.

He looks thoughtful, but breaks out of it as Liam’s eyes meet his.

“You okay?” He asks carefully.

Liam shakes his head. He can’t form words right now.

Zayn snorts. “I couldn’t help but listen in on what happened.” He says as he gets up from the bed, walking to the centre of the room and stopping there. Liam fights a snort because you can practically feel the sarcasm in the room. “You should be happy that it’s over, she sounds like a bitch anyway.” He says nonchalantly.

“Zayn, I’m not in the mood for it. Can you just leave me be?” Liam finally speaks up.

“Plus, she broke up with you over the phone.” Zayn ignores him. “She didn’t even have the balls to call you over Skype and tell you in your face what you need to know if she didn’t want to wait for the rest of the summer.”

“Zayn, stop.” Liam begs quietly.

“I would if you’d stop looking like someone died.” Zayn points out.

Liam feels a pang of pain in his chest. Someone did die, or something did, better said. How can Zayn expect him to let it go so easily when he just broke up with a girl that he had been with for years? He feels his eyes burn as the tears threaten to fall, but he rubs his hands over them. He can’t cry in front of Zayn. It doesn’t hurt that much. But he has to fight really hard against them and the lump in his throat. Instead of responding, in fear that his voice might break he looks down at the ground, staying quiet.

Zayn groans and comes up to him. He sneaks his hand under Liam chin and making him look up at him, surprising the hell out of him. His hand is warm against Liam’s skin and Liam’s hates the way it feels comforting even though his eyes blaze with fire.

“You need to stop looking like a kicked puppy every time I say something.” He points out and Liam can’t help the snort that escapes. “It’s guilt inducing.” Zayn says and his brow furrows like he can't believe his own words.

“Are you capable of feeling guilty?” Liam asks.

Zayn shrugs. “Happens to the strongest of us, remember?” He says and pats Liam’s cheek before removing his hand. Liam still feels the heat it left, though. “Seriously, now. You need to get over it. She’s not worth it.”

“You don’t know...” Liam tries, but Zayn cuts him off.

“She’s not.” He says firmly and Liam sighs. It’s not even worth fighting on it when a part of him feels the same.

“I don’t know how to be without her, though.” Liam admits. “It’s been too long.”

“Then learn how to. God. Get her off your mind. Get busy with something else.” Zayn says.

“Like what?” Liam asks impatiently. What could possibly make him forget all of it, even for a short period of time?

Zayn looks like he’s thinking of something and then tenses. Liam sees the change in his expression. He looks like his debating of saying something or staying quiet, but Liam lifts his hands and lifts his brow in question and he sees the moment he makes the decision.

His brow furrows in confusion and Liam notices the way he fights it, but still speaks up. He touches Liam’s foot with the tip of his toe as he talks, eyes on his.

“You’re gonna teach me how to swim.” He says at last and Liam’s heart skips a beat.

“I am?” He asks uncertainly.

“Yes. And don’t comment on it.” Zayn warns.

In spite of everything, Liam feels his lips twitching up as he fights a smile at the boyish expression on the other’s face. He bites his lower lip to prevent it.

Zayn groans when he notices it. “At least I got you to smile.” He shrugs and then grabs his pack of cigarettes from the table, heading towards the balcony. “Do your research, Wonderboy. We’re starting tomorrow.” He shouts before he gets out.

This time, Liam lets it happen. His lips form a smile and he feels his eyes crinkle from the size of it.

He’s happy that at least something good came out of this situation. He managed to break through Zayn’s walls and soften him up somehow. Not really sure how, though but it doesn’t matter.

He shakes his head more fondly that he has the right to. This means that he might get to do even more and it gives him hope.

He makes a decision himself, then. It’s not teaching Zayn how to swim that he’s going to concentrate on. It’s on breaking down those walls and getting him back that he is going to work on.

The pain and hurt he felt only minutes ago seem a lot more distant now and it gives him an uneasy feeling that Zayn made it happen.

Chapter Text

Greece is amazing, really. The weather is great and water is rarely cold so on most days the beach is full of people. The city they’re at is nothing like the first day, when Liam was still holding grudges about his mom making him come here for the summer.

The more time they spend here and the more places they get to visit, Liam ends up mesmerized by the beauty of all of it. Of course, there are places for posh and rich people that Liam doesn’t even bother to take a look at because it’s often too much for his taste. But the places that have still hold the scars of time and generations that were here before are what catch his eyes.

Every morning when Liam wakes up, and before he puts his clothes on while, Zayn is still sound-asleep next to him, only stirring a bit when Liam makes a sudden noise unintentionally.

Liam takes the opportunity to sneak out of the room and out of the hotel for a morning run. It’s something he does to take the edge off, and lately, there’s an edge to everything he does.

The morning air is cool against his skin and the breeze on his sweaty skin causes goosebumps to form under the white cotton T-shirt he pulled on. That only makes him increase his pace as he runs in a familiar direction.

Like the mornings before, the park is absolutely deserted when he enters it.

It’s the only place in the town that gives him peace, aside from the beach. But it’s different kind of peace. The soft grass under his running shoes, the leaves on the trees slowly swaying to the quiet rhythm of the wind, the birds chirping enthusiastically, it’s much different from the sea and the beach.

It reminds him of home. Of Louis’ crazy banter with Harry about who’s gonna make the winning goal at a school game, of Harry’s raspy voice when he argues with him just to rile him up even if they both know that Harry only ever has faith in Louis and knows that it will be him to make the goal and it will be him who will kiss him senselessly in the middle of the field while Liam will duck his head and blush for the sake of his friends. It reminds him of Niall and the music he carries in his mind and his soul, of the sound of the guitar and blond strands of hair and of the crowd and laugh Niall always brings to the crowd that always surrounds him. Of how he blushes sweetly when Harry and Louis talk too much about their sex life and how he cracks up and laughs until Liam is sure he will burst into flames if they don’t stop him on time. He craves the brotherly touch that comes from each and one of them, but Liam knows it is not possible at the moment.

Liam sighs and starts stretching. He needs as many exercise for his body and his brain if this day is going to be the same as the ones before.

Just as Zayn and he agreed on, he’s taken upon himself to teach Zayn how to swim. They started the morning after the night Sophia and he broke up. Liam tried with little steps and, of course, he failed even in that. But it wasn’t his fault that Zayn was the most reluctant swimmer ever or most reluctant person ever.

It took a whole hour to even get his feet into the water and another three days of Zayn watching Liam interact with the water while he stayed in the shallow end. Things would be much easier on both of them if Zayn wasn’t practically petrified of water.

Liam finishes with stretching and stands there awkwardly for a minute, still catching his breath.

The day before he actually made Zayn comfortable with getting in the deeper end, where the water was a bit higher than his waist. Liam explained to him what he had to do and showed him how it’s supposed to be done before he made him try by himself. It took many tries because Zayn was still afraid and he still desperately clung to Liam when he got water in his mouth. It kept going like that for a while. Liam tried to be patient and he fought the urge to shout at him, until he couldn’t do it anymore.

“Just relax Zayn!” He had snapped.

“Relax?” Zayn asked incredulously while still clutching Liam’s arms. “I can’t fucking relax when I could drown any minute!”

“You’re not going to drown! The water isn’t that deep.” Liam insisted but Zayn’s glare made him shrink under his gaze. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”

“You seriously expect me to believe that?” Zayn scoffed.

“Yes!” He said desperately. “I haven’t done anything to deserve you acting like a bitch all the time.”

“Well fuck you Liam. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Liam brought one of his hands that Zayn was holding onto up to his hair, pulling hard on it to stop himself from blurting out something he would regret later. “I offered to, didn’t I? I want to.”

“You look so enthusiastic about it.” Zayn snorted and Liam beamed at him. “Whatever, I don’t want to anymore.” Zayn rolled his eyes when Liam tensed. “For today.” He added and Liam’s muscles relaxed. “I’m going back to the room and sleep for a bit. This water is fucking cold.” He said and slowly got out of the water, storming off to the hotel.

Liam groaned and followed him. He would probably stay a bit longer, but Zayn is right. The water was too cold and it’s not like Liam could have enjoyed it after this anyway.

So, this whole thing wasn’t such a good idea after all and Liam was sure regretting it at this point. But his mom and Trisha were happy to see them doing something that didn’t involve guns and knives and killing each other in a very graphic way, so Liam gritted his teeth and stuck to his words.

Glancing at his watch, he felt the air getting warmer and the sun peeking out behind the buildings. He took one last look at the park before he turned around and started running back to the hotel faster than before.

When he opened the door to the room he was hit by a familiar scent. It was a mixture of citrus shampoo and body wash and of tobacco.

The room was filled with smoke which could mean that either something was on fire or Zayn was already up and smoking.

Indeed, as Liam enters the room, he finds Zayn sitting on a chair beside the window, his legs crossed. He’s got a coffee cup in one hand and a cigarette dangling from the other one. He’s glaring at Liam and Liam can’t find it anything but amusing since Zayn isn’t even fully awake but he still finds time and will to glare at him.

“What?” He snaps when he notices Liam’s amused chuckle.

“What crawled up your ass and died this early in the morning?” Liam asks from where he’s leaning against the wall and taking in what’s in front of him.

“Your damn phone went off and woke me up.” Zayn croaks.

Liam grimaces. “I set up an alarm in case I didn’t wake up on time and I forgot to turn it off before I went out.”

“Well, fuck you.” Zayn says halfheartedly and Liam chuckles again. “What were you doing up anyway?”

“Was out for a run.” He shrugs.

Zayn beams at him. “Of course you were, Wonderboy.”

Liam rolls his eyes and turns around. He chooses to ignore the nickname one more time and heads for the shower.

When he’s under the spray of water, he does his best to focus on the sound of the running water and ignore the sound of Zayn’s voice on the other side of the door, singing at the top of his voice, because no, he is not going to get lost in it again.

Just put your hand on the glass, I’ll be trying to pull you through, you just got to be strong, and the shampoo slips from his hands, making a clattering sound when it hits the ground. It startles Liam and makes him come back from the daze he didn’t even notice he was in.

Liam notices that the water is also getting colder against his skin.

He sighs and leans against the cold shower wall. Well, damn. Zayn just keeps crawling under his skin and Liam doesn’t even know how to fight it anymore when he doesn’t even notice it half of the time.

“Just kick!” Liam shouts but still holds onto Zayn, in case the other lad chooses this very day to drown even if the water is a bit more than four feet deep.

Zayn grunts in response, but does as he’s told.

He’s getting better at this, Liam must admit. When the initial fear of the water had past and once he was sure Liam would save him from dying, Zayn finally started learning something and Liam was happy that they moved on from that spot.

Zayn was a fast learner, too. He was already able to stay up on his own for a while, but in the end, he still needed Liam to be close when his body would give up on swimming.

That’s why Liam found himself clutching hard on his hands, trying to ignore the prickling sensation that their skin made where they held onto each other, and tried his best to be patient and make this as easy and smooth as it can be.

“Good.” Liam says as Zayn stops kicking and stands up. They let go of each other.

“I think you’re doing a good job. A few more days and I think we’re done here.” Zayn tells him, but Liam rolls his eyes.

“You think you’ll be ready to swim by yourself in that short period of time?”

“You think I won’t?” Zayn says challengingly.

Liam is quiet for a minute before an idea pops into his head.

“Why don’t we move this into a deeper area and find out?” He shots back.

Zayn’s eyes widen at his words and Liam knows that deep inside he’s definitely over thinking it, but as always there is that stupid need to prove himself to everyone and he nods in the end.

Liam knows that this might be a bad idea and that he should probably tell Zayn that he was just joking around and it’s not necessary today, but before anyone can get a word out he surprises the hell out of Zayn and himself when he grabs Zayn’s hand and drags him into a deeper area.

It’s deep enough that Liam is comfortable to swim, but their feet can’t touch the ground and Zayn seems much more reluctant once he finds out that fact.

“Liam.” He croaks. He’s still holding Liam’s hand, but with so much force that Liam thinks it might bruise in the morning.

Liam shushes him. “Just kick, okay? I’m right here.”

Zayn is still for another moment, but when Liam lifts his eyebrow to show his impatience, he does what he’s told. It goes on like that for a few minutes, both of them just kicking the water and Zayn still clutching onto Liam. After a while, though, Liam starts slowly moving away to let Zayn do it by himself.

“No!” Zayn shouts and uses his hold on Liam to pull him closer than they were before.

Liam doesn’t expect it, really. He thought Zayn was okay with Liam letting go of him after a while and he even gave him a few minutes to adjust to the idea of what was coming. However, as soon as he tries to let go, the other boy panics and pulls him in.

In a spur of the moment and not having time to think, Liam’s right hand curls around Zayn, resting at the small of his back, while his left comes to rest at Zayn’s waist.

Zayn is clinging to him like a koala bear, there’s no other expression for it. Both of his hands are around Liam’s neck and his legs are tangled around Liam’s thighs, making it quite difficult for Liam to keep them afloat. He is hiding his face in Liam’s neck, breathing ragged and damp against his skin.

“Don’t let go.” Zayn demands.

“Zayn.” Liam croaks.

“No. I’m not ready. I lied.” Zayn rushes out. “I lied, just take me to the shore and stop this.”

He shakes his head. “You have to try.”

“No I don’t, Liam. I said take me to the shore! I don’t want to drown.”

“I told you I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” Liam whispers. “I promise, you’ll be fine. Just try.” He pleads.

They stay like that for a while, Zayn’s breathing calming down against Liam’s neck and Liam’s own increasing the longer they stay like this.

“C’mon Zayn, I’m freezing my balls off.” Liam rushes which earns him a chuckle from Zayn that he can feel through his body.

Finally, Zayn nods and Liam makes a content sound.

Zayn moves away from him, kicking the water right away, frantically.

“Slower.” Liam chides softly until Zayn slows down. He squeezes Liam’s hand as a sign and Liam lets go, inch by inch, just to show Zayn that he’s close.

Liam can see that it’s unfamiliar to Zayn, to swim, but when he finally gathers that he had managed it without Liam’s help a his lips twitch upwards and they form a grin and Liam? Liam is stuck.

Amber eyes looking back, somehow burning holes into Liam’s own. His breath catches when a pink tongue peeks out between Zayn’s lips and licks at them unconsciously.

Something familiar, unwanted curls inside of Liam’s chest, hits him like a truck until he can’t form a word. That’s why he lets his guard down and forgets a possibility of something going wrong.

He’s so lost in the shades of Zayn’s eyes and the sound of their own breathing that he barely notices the shocked expression on Zayn’s face before he goes underwater.

He acts quickly out of pure instinct and dives in. Zayn’s limbs are everywhere and he almost kicks Liam in the stomach in his panic, but Liam manages to escape and grab him in time and then uses all of his strength to pull them up.

Zayn coughs out water that ended up in his mouth, his eyes squeezed shut as he tries to come back to his senses.

“Are you okay?” Liam asks worriedly.

It’s like Zayn didn’t even notice Liam before he spoke up. His eyes open swiftly and Liam knows that he’s about to shout at him for what happened. He opens his mouth to apologize, but the apology dies in his throat when Zayn wings his arms around Liam’s neck and his legs curl around Liam’s waist.

“Liam.” Zayn gasps out and that makes Liam realize the position that they’re in.

One of his hands is on Zayn’s waist and the other one is under one of his legs that are thrown away around his waist. If Liam thought that Zayn was close before, to say it now would be a wrong thing to say because there is almost no space between their bodies. He can feel Zayn’s breath on his face as he speaks and their lips are almost brushing together.

Liam knows that he should probably move sometime soon, but as he lifts his gaze from Zayn’s lips back to his eyes he can’t move, again.

They’re even more beautiful, Liam thinks. There’s a sudden softness in the golden shades that Liam never noticed before. They are full of warmness, but also fear and that boy that Liam longed for and missed for years.

He’s aware that he’s staring and it couldn’t get weirder than this… Oh wait. Zayn licks his lips again and squirms nervously under his gaze, causing their hips to grinds together and Liam’s breath catches in his chest when their cocks slide against each other…

They both go underwater.

It’s easier to pull them up this time, since Zayn isn’t putting a fight and releases Liam, only holding onto his hand.

Once their heads are above the water, Liam doesn’t even bother to take a look at Zayn. He can’t, so he pulls them towards the shore without a single word. When their feet can finally touch the ground and when he’s sure he can let go of Zayn and that he cannot have himself killed, he releases his hand and immediately walks away from him.

When he hears Zayn’s amused chuckle behind himself, he increases his pace despite his frantically beating heart and storms into the hotel, almost bumping into someone on his way upstairs.

Once he’s alone and in the room, he takes clean clothes from the closet and practically runs into the bathroom.

In the middle of his shower, when his breathing is back to normal, he leans on the wall and closes his eyes. He tries to ask himself what is wrong with him and why does he keep reacting like this, but he doesn’t get the answer when he’s too busy remembering the way Zayn’s skin felt so hot on his despite the cold water.

He tries his best to ignore the arousal crawling into his body, because he doesn’t like Zayn like that. He’s never liked a guy like that and no one has ever made him want to question his sexuality before. Zayn, on the other hand, seems to be an exception to everything that Liam’s ever gone through.

Damn you, Zayn, Liam thinks to himself. Why does it have to be you?

“Why can’t it be so fucking easy to hate him the way he hates me?” He says out loud, almost a whimper, but he doesn’t get his answer this time, either.

‘Meet me at the lobby at 9, boyz. We’re going clubbing tonight. Wear something hot. ;)’

Doniya messaged him around six o’clock and now was nearly seven-thirty. He was still in bed, since he decided to skip lunch and go straight to bed in case Zayn came into the room.

Liam stretched his arms above his head. Clubbing wasn’t such a bad idea, Liam thought. It would be a nice escape from the routine that he got himself into since the day they came here. Plus, he wouldn’t mind a drink or two to take the edge off.

He sits up slowly and rubs at his eyes, taking time getting used to the sunlight that makes it much harder to open his eyes.

When he does, he notices another coffee cup on the table. The ashtray is full of fags and the room still smells of remains of caffeine and tobacco.

He didn’t notice Zayn coming in, probably because he was too deep in his slumber from the exertion this morning.

Liam sighs heavily. He doesn’t want to disappoint Doniya and if he wants to be down in the lobby on time, he needs to hurry up and get ready. He might need another shower, though, given to the fact that he’s been sweating crazily while he was asleep. But that’s probably Zayn’s fault since the door to the balcony was opened and the heat from the outside flooded the room.

He groans, pushing the bed covers away and heads to the bathroom.

After another much needed shower, he gets ready and grabs his wallet and phone, leaving the room.

On the way to the lobby he gets quite a few looks from the other guests of the hotel and also a couple a cat calls from a group of teenage girls that look a bit too much for his taste. He throws them a look over his left shoulder and smirks at the blush on their cheeks.

He knows he looks good and that’s not bragging. All those trainings and time spent in the gym and running eventually paid off. He’s not that curly haired kid that used to get bullied and insulted. His muscles and his investment in sports gave him a new respect and he still hasn’t given up on it.

Plus, he knows the clothes are having an effect, too. He decided on a navy blue dress shirt and dark jeans with a leather jacket on top and black boots to go with it. His hair is gelled up into a tiny quiff that definitely doesn’t match Zayn’s in height but still looks good.

It might be hot outside at the moment, but the air becomes chilly at night and he knows that fewer clothes would mean freezing for the rest of the night.

The lobby is mostly deserted aside from a few women. Doniya is nowhere to be seen, but Liam knows that he’s ten minutes early, so he doesn’t bother to worry and waits patiently.

Ten minutes later, she comes down.

“You look gorgeous.” He says as she approaches him and she really does. Her dress is short, but not too short and he loves it. Liam always admired girls who knew when to stop with the makeup and the jewelry and not end up like the people that perform in the circus. Doniya was one of them and he smiled softly at his friend.

She came up to him and he scooped her up in a hug bathing at the scent of her flowery perfume.

“Thank you, darling.” She chirped into his neck, kissing him on the cheek as she pulled back. “You look...” She paused. “Damn.” Liam blushed and simply winked at her, making her giggle. “You ready to get drunk, Li?”

He hummed. “Oh yeah.” He responded and then paused. “Where is Zayn? I haven’t seen him…” Since I made a fool of myself on the beach and I have no idea why I keep doing it, Liam thinks. “Since this morning.” He says.

“Oh, he’s gonna meet us at the club. He said he had somewhere to be and he’ll catch up with us.” Doniya says simply. “Come on, now. Let’s go.” She pulls him outside and Liam goes, craving that promised drink.

The club is full, packed. Liam can’t even breathe properly, but he honestly forgets that it’s necessary after his third beer and the second shot of vodka that Doniya basically pushed down his throat.

His head is buzzing, the beat too loud in his ears and he fights against the raving crowd so he doesn’t lose his balance.

Liam was never a lightweight, but it’s been too long since he had a decent night out and the alcohol was running through his veins in the most amazing pace.

He can see Doniya at the bar, chatting to some guy that seems a bit too enthusiastic and Liam rolls his eyes when Doniya meets his eyes and winks at him.

The girl that he’s dancing with was so much fun when she pulled him on the dance floor, but now she seems a bit too drunk for Liam’s liking. She can’t even move her body the way she could an hour ago and she loses her balance too many times before something snaps in Liam and he grabs her hand, pulling her back to the bar so she can get back to her friends and so he can leave.

She kisses him wetly on the cheek before he has a chance to flee and stumbles into her friends’ arms giggling like a maniac.

Liam turns to leave before something catches his eyes.

He’s in the corner, leaning against the wall as a taller figure of a man leans over him telling him something that he doesn’t seem so interested in. Liam didn’t notice him before, although he’s not sure how that is possible when he doesn’t look quite like anyone here.

Zayn looks the same as he always does with his usual black clothes on, but there’s a new sharpness to the set of his jaw. His lips are swollen and an angry shade of red. The raven haired quiff is mostly ruined, probably from the sweat or from someone running their hands through it. It’s disheveled and it gives certain softness to the rugged look and the prissy mood that he seems to be in, judging by his facial expression.

Then, the man says something in his ear, causing his face to suddenly break into a grin and then he’s leaning up and crashing his lips to the other man’s, blowing all the remains of air from Liam’s lungs.

He knows he probably look like he got hit by a truck and his eyes are comically wide, but he can’t help himself. He can’t take his eyes off the scene.

There’s fire in the way they move, in the way they clutch onto each other. Liam doesn’t pay attention to the man, though. He’s too busy watching the way that Zayn angles his head on the side as he deepens the kiss and the way his hands slide over the man’s shoulder, then his neck, only to end up tangled in his hair. He pushes their bodies so close, that there is no space left between them. His waist moves rhythmically to the slide of man’s hands over it.

And Liam is dizzy, out of breath.

He doesn’t know for how long he stares at the scene before the charm is broken as Doniya comes up to them and pulls Zayn away from the man’s arms. The man seems reluctant to let go, but Zayn just shrugs in response and smiles cheekily as Doniya pulls him towards the exit, waving to Liam and motioning to him to follow.

He finally sucks in a breath and follows them out on wobbly legs.

Zayn is leaning against the wall, Doniya pacing impatiently in front of him.

“What’s wrong?” Liam asks, voice almost steady.

Doniya huffs angrily. “I don’t want to go home yet, but I also can’t have this jerk stay here for much longer. Look at him!”

Zayn groans. “I am perfectly fine.” He slurs out to Liam and Liam raises his eyebrow mockingly which earns him a glare from Zayn.

“You are drunk and high out of your ass and you just snogged a random guy because he gave you another joint. You are not fine.” Doniya snaps.

Liam cringes at her tone. He takes her hand, pulling her into a comforting hug.

“I can take him back to the hotel.” He offers.

She shakes her head. “It’s not your job.”

“It’s not yours either.” He points out.

“But I’m his sister and…”

“And he’s being a pain in the ass for a long time and you need a break.” Liam interrupts her. “I’ll take him back and I’ll come back for you.”

She smiles softly and shakes her head. “I’ll come back on my own, don’t worry about it.”

“You sure? It’s a different country and you don’t know the language. I…”

“Go, I’ll be fine.” She chastises him and motions to Zayn that’s about to looks like he’s about to fall asleep on his feet. “Just get him in bed.”

Liam sighs and nods.

She kisses him on the cheek before going back inside, leaving the two of them alone.

It’s quiet for a minute. Liam is not sure what to do.

“You gonna move, Wonderboy?” Zayn snaps.

Liam sighs again. “Good to see that you’re never too drunk to forget that.”

“Never.” Zayn shakes his head. “Now take me to bed, I need to lay down.”

“Can you walk?” Zayn shakes his head in response and Liam is going to choke him in the morning. He gives up and comes up to Zayn, slings his hand around his own shoulder and grabs his waist to get him to stand before he drags him to the hotel.

It’s hard and Liam is out of breath when the hotel comes into the view. Zayn isn’t putting a fight, but he isn’t helping at all which makes things harder for Liam.

“Zayn, you need to help me out. We’re close.” Liam groans. “Come on, you’re heavy.”

Zayn giggles. “That guy from the club could lift me like I weigh nothing.” He slurs and Liam blushes.

He bites his tongue for a minute or so, until the words come out despite his efforts.

“I didn’t know you were into guys.” Liam says softly, pleased that Zayn is cooperating and walking almost by himself now.

Zayn shrugs. “I don’t care.” He says. “I like girls and I’ve only dated girls lately, but guys?” He smiles knowingly at Liam. “Definitely a better catch.”

“Why?” Liam asks, unsure.

“Because they don’t smell fruity, they don’t bother with makeup, they’re strong and tough, instead of fragile and soft and most of them already know what you like and how you like it.” Zayn explains. He stumbles for a second, but Liam catches him easily.

“Oh.” Oh. That means Zayn had taken things much further than what he witnessed in the club. “Since when?” He asks as they enter into the lobby and head to the elevator. Liam is not sure that he could carry Zayn up the stairs right now.

“You ask so many questions.” Zayn points out sleepily and Liam knows he is, but he wants to know and he won’t get his answer from Zayn when he’s sober. “Since I kissed Sidney behind the school when I was twelve and didn’t like it and since I kissed Brian in the same spot for weeks later and loved it.” Zayn admits. He turns to Liam.“You got your answer?”

“Yeah.” Liam breathes as they stumble into the elevator. He struggles to push the button to their floor and to keep Zayn on his feet and the smaller lad almost slips out from his hands, but he catches him on the time. “Zayn come on. Hold on, we’re almost there. Help me out.” He insists.

Zayn leans into him, fits their foreheads together and wings his arms around Liam’s neck while Liam’s rest on his hips so he doesn’t topple over.

“You didn’t have trouble holding me in the water this morning. You were enjoying it quite well, I reckon.” He says cheekily, his eyes closed.

Liam tenses at his words cursing under his breath. “Nothing happened in the water.” He says firmly.

“Because you ran away before you had the balls to kiss me.” Zayn slurs out, a slick smile on his lips that erupts into laughter when the door suddenly open and Liam pulls him out of the elevator and drags him towards the room without a response.

He feels his skin burning and his breathing is ragged again. He is sure that it’s not just from the exertion.

Zayn keeps laughing at him as Liam unlocks the door to their room and Liam wonders if there will be complaints about noise in the morning.

As soon as they’re inside he pulls on Zayn’s jacket, getting it off as Zayn just stands there watching him amusedly through lidded eyes. When the jacket is off he pushes Zayn back.

“Bed.” He says thickly.

“I’m not that easy, Payne.” Zayn retorts, but sits on the side of the bed as Liam kneels in front of him and pulls his boots off.

“Go to sleep, Zayn.” Liam pleads, his eyes screwed shut.

It’s quiet for another moment and Zayn giggles one more time causing Liam to blink his eyes open.

He doesn’t even see it coming and he blames it on the beer and the shots for the fact that he doesn’t flinch away. Zayn presses a quick, but firm kiss at the corner of his mouth and pulls away immediately, falling back on the bed and Liam is sure he’s asleep before Liam can suck in a sharp breath from his shock.

He gets up slowly, much more sober now, or more drunk, he’s not sure, and goes out on the balcony. He breathes hard, uneven.

The pack of Marlboro’s is still in his hands from when he was taking Zayn’s jacket off. Before he can think twice, he opens it and pulls one out along with the lighter.

He lights up and sucks in the thick smoke that he detests, but by the half of the cigarette, his blood pressure seems to have worn off and his heart had stopped trying to jump out of his chest.

The cool air, mixed with the smoke in his lungs doesn’t do much to help his thoughts, though. Those are filled with images he didn’t expect to see and his mind screams ‘Zayn’ too many times for him to calm down for real.

This summer might be too long, but it might be too much as well, Liam thinks.

The survivors will be the ones to tell the story, crosses his mind. But how does one survive when he doesn’t even know what he’s fighting against?

Chapter Text

They say it’s easy to ignore and forget the things that don’t matter. But the things that are so small and insignificant to the others may be a life changing experience to yourself.

Also, the things that you fight the most , out of fear and instinct, and pressure given by the people and the circumstances are the things that are most likely to appear in your life and break every single one of those thick walls that you’ve spent your whole life building around yourself as a way to stay safe, protected, ordinary.

In the end, though, that may be your destruction, your own personal apocalypse, but also, something you have always secretly craved and longed for. In the other case, all the sacrifices, words, or acts don’t seem to be worthy enough of what you gained. And you would be willing to give so much more to ensure that it never goes away.

And for you to fall never felt this hard, excruciatingly slow, never this freeing and amazing.

You would fall over and over again, until your last breath. Just as hard and just as fast.

Just the same.

He’s sure that going on a vacation is supposed to mean that you are going away from home to get away from problems and to have time for yourself. To spend every minute of the said vacation relaxed and in peace, enjoying all the things the place has to offer. But if anyone asked Liam, he would probably tell them that he is missing out on a vacation this year, due to the fact that ever since they boarded the plane and landed in Greece, he’s had nothing but ten million problems rushing through his mind.

He would rather have his old lumpy bed instead of the king-sized one they have in the hotel, because he hasn’t slept well from the day one.

Liam does his best to endure all of it and to please his mother. He knows that she is definitely enjoying her time with her best friend and that’s what he wants for her. He loves Trisha and he knows that she’s glowing in the inside and on the outside. The two of them are in their perfect and delicate bubble of happiness that Liam can’t bring himself to destroy.

The girls are the only thing keeping him sane, if he is being honest. The more time he spends swimming with Safaa makes that dull pain in his head go away as she giggles to everything he says and complies happily with everything he asks for. She is a cure to every illness, Liam swears. Hours and hours spent playing Call of Duty with Walihya in the dimness of the girls’ room and chatting about stuff back home make him feel slightly warmer and better. Even if she is young, this girl knows her way around words and people, too. She seems like one of the coolest girls he’s ever gonna meet, wearing oversized hoodies and sweatpants, playing video games and chatting about sports and action movies, not bothering to look perfect every second. On the other hand, he can still see the girl her, from the softness in her fond looks and high-pitched chuckles.

But in the end, Doniya’s small touches and firm hugs for no special reason, or every reason he has make him relax and let his heart crawl back down into his chest from where it sat for days in his throat. She whispers sweet nothings into the crook of his neck when he admits some things to her, craving for Harry, Louis and Niall, but knowing that he can’t tell them over the phone. He can’t wait anymore, so she is all he has left, uncertain and full of questions.

She rubs his back soothingly as he talks about himself and for the first time whispers the word ‘gay’ and she promises that he will be fine, no matter what and gives all of her support without asking for anything in return. Tells him that he should take his time to figure out himself and not let anyone else tell him what to do.

He nods at her, soothes the fire on his nervously bitten lips with his tongue and prays that she doesn’t ask where all of this is coming from.

Liam keeps quiet and he doesn’t mention Zayn. Zayn that has been acting perfectly normal since he woke up that morning, hungover and remembering nothing about the talk that they had or the way he kissed Liam. Off-centered, but it was still a kiss.

He is the same person that hated Liam from the first time that they spoke to each other, being nothing but a rude and ruthless enemy to him. And he is also the reason that Liam had been asking himself a million questions, not having an answer to any of them.

Liam doesn’t understand why, but there is obviously some masochistic part of him that he didn’t know about. Because, why would a person with a functioning brain in his head date girls his whole life and then, after a break up that he didn’t expect because he loved his girlfriend, question his sexuality because of a guy that had been nothing but a jerk to him? Why did he have to develop these feelings towards Zayn when he will get nothing but hate in return? He has no idea. One thing that he is certain about is that it happened and he can’t get rid of them because he still hasn’t figured out how to.

Zayn and he continued with the swimming lessons. It was clear that Zayn had no idea of what happened and Trisha was still giddy about the fact that her son is doing something productive and that Liam made it happen. He couldn’t say no even if he wanted to.

The last thing he needed at this point was a half naked Zayn waiting for Liam to teach him something, because Liam wasn’t sure he was able to think straight because of the afore mentioned half naked Zayn and all of the things rushing through his mind.

He still did it, though. If Zayn could live with not having a problem with the building tension between the two of them, Liam could pretend that everything was okay and ignore all of it too.

Well, at least he’ll try to.

The dinner is crazy, to say the least.

Karen and Trisha informed them that it’s something that needs to be done because they still need to spend time together like friends and family that they are.

None of the kids argue, Liam especially, because it’s much harder to explain every reason he has not to go along with this than to sit calmly for an hour or two and try to forget that Zayn is right in front of him, ready to ruin everything like always.

The restaurant is already packed when they come in, and it’s a bit hard to find a table for seven, but somehow they manage. Liam sits next to Doniya and Waliyha, letting their moms to sit next to each other again, while Zayn and Safaa sit across from Liam and Doniya.

Liam keeps his feet close to himself, to ensure that his foot doesn’t accidentally touch Zayn’s in the middle of dinner. He doesn’t need to blush like a teenage girl and choke on a bite of food and make a scene out of himself. He’s a mess, really, and it’s only getting worse.

It would be easier to accept the fact that he likes guys and come out to everyone than to admit to himself that out of all people, Zayn is the one causing it to happen.

It is hard, though, to concentrate on all of those bad things about the guy when he can’t help but notice all the smaller things he does and that make him question every single thing that he knows about Zayn.

At the dinner table, he surprises Liam with his acts. There is none of that rude attitude towards everyone and the brooding, selfish Zayn that he’s gotten used to is replaced with this one.

Liam is out of words, really.

He can’t find connections when he sees the way he laughs throatily when Safaa tells him about spending the day with some twin brothers on the beach and how she won in almost every single game they played. Zayn ruffles her hair playfully and she swats his hands away when he goes to pinch her cheek.

He argues with Waliyha about a boy she’s got a crush on, teasing her until her cheeks are the sweetest shade of red and winks at her when she flips him off, going back to texting someone.

Doniya exchanges fond, knowing looks with him across the table and Liam wishes things were always like this.

The minutes pass and the unsaid, unwelcomed words still float in the air above his head, but Liam bites his lips numb so they don’t come out. He holds tight onto his second glass of wine and welcomes the bittersweet taste when he takes another sip.

He loses himself between the conversations around himself, his mind going back to something earlier that day.

Once again, he was walking along the beach. He was barefoot, his shoes in his hand and his trousers rolled up to his knees so they don’t get wet.

The water felt cold against his skin, but he welcomed the feeling as he tried to cool off the burn in his chest. It washes away the footsteps he left in the wet sand until there are no signs that he ever walked over the surface.

He was nearing the rock, his favorite place on the beach. He hadn’t been there for a while, he has to admit. The place contained some kind of tension now, memories that Liam tried to run away from.

Right on that rock, Zayn confessed that never learned how to swim. He uncovered a weakness to Liam for the first time. And right behind that rock, the water was more peaceful, less exciting and less dominant. That’s where he had been teaching Zayn how to swim. It was private, quiet, away from the tantrum going on on the rest of the beach.

That is the place he saved Zayn from drowning, only to let himself drown in something dizzying, incredible.

He only comes close to the rock now, never climbing up on it like he did in the first days that they spent here. That place is occupied almost every time he comes this far. Today is the same case. Liam stops in his tracks, praying that he goes unnoticed. He can’t go away now, not after his eyes catch it.

Zayn is sitting on the rock, legs dangling where he sits on the edge of it. He’s got a notebook in his hands, like always, and his right hand moves furiously over the smooth paper.

Liam can't help but stare.

This boy is the epitome of everything he wanted to avoid in his life, but this feeling that creeps into his chest makes him think that he was wrong all along.

The way he concentrates while he draws, his lips parted and tongue pushing at the back of his teeth, jaw loose and his brow furrowed as his fingers smudge the trace of the pen make Liam's throat suddenly too dry.

Sophia never made him feel like this.

And he would like to know what that means, but he can’t ask himself that question, because he knows that he won’t like the answer.

That is why he spins on his heels and flees.

He runs fast, just like when he was a little boy, but in the opposite direction. Away from the boy he always ran to.

Before he can fall harder than he ever thought he could.

He gets up before he has the chance to think about it again, surprising everyone at the table.

“I have to go.” He blurts out. He realises that everyone’s eyes are on him now, including Zayn’s. “Um. I’m not feeling very well.” He explains, biting his tongue hard when his mother looks at him worriedly.

“What’s wrong sunshine?” She asks, worry in her tone.

He shakes his head quickly. “All fine, I guess I’m just tired. I’m gonna go into the room and lay down for a bit until it goes away, yeah?” All the women nod in his direction, smiling warmly as he wishes them good night. Zayn stays immobile, and Liam can feel his eyes burning holes into Liam’s scull as he walks away.

He showers first, trying to clear his head and later, when he’s in fresh clothes, he puts in the Avengers and crawls into his bed and into the pile of pillows.

He stays like that, in the calm and quiet room, concentrating on the movie that he’s seen more than a few times, but he never gets bored with it.

He’s caught in between the crazy banter between the Captain and Tony Stark that he almost misses the sound of the door opening and Zayn coming into the room. At this point, though, he feels too tired to even react when Zayn snorts at him.

Liam doesn’t take his eyes of the movie, chooses to glue them to the screen instead of Zayn’s chest when he discards his shirt. He can hear he move through the room and hears the lighter a few seconds before the room is filled with familiar scent of smoke. Even if he wants to say something about it and complain to Zayn, his tongue feels heavy in his mouth and his eyes are closing on their own accord.

He’s on the very brink of falling asleep when he feels the bed dip.

“You’re taking away all of the pillows and most of the bed.” Zayn whines and he’s stumbling over his words. Liam remembers the wine that they had during the dinner and he sighs, opening his eyes, but not moving.

Zayn looks at him expectantly like he’s waiting for him to move and give him a pillow, but Liam doesn’t. He groans in the end, laying down next to Liam, almost on the edge and leans his head on the edge of a pillow.

Liam wonders why Zayn hasn’t done anything about it, why he hadn’t shouted at Liam and taken away his pillow on force.

The movie is nothing but a white noise in the background and Liam is no longer sleepy and tired. He’s too busy watching the way Zayn slowly slips into his slumber, and the way his facial expressions smooth out into something soft, calm.

Zayn is mostly calm and doesn’t move, but something causes him to stir in his slip. He almost slips off the pillows and off the bed.

Before he can give it a thought, Liam reaches out for him and stops him from falling. He curls a hand around and draws him closer to himself. Zayn surprises him when he makes a happy noise deep in his throat and scoots even closer to Liam, curling under his arm that is thrown over Zayn’s back to stop him from toppling over and puts his own hand on Liam’s chest where it burns his skin like fire.

There is a leg thrown over his thigh and Liam can’t breathe.

Zayn is too close, that’s the thing. Liam is not used to them being this close if it isn’t in the water. He knows that Zayn doesn’t do it on purpose then, he does it to survive. But now he can’t quite understand.

He tries, he struggles not to look down, but he can’t resist when it’s all he can think about.

His eyes are closed, breathing even and deep and Liam knows that he’s asleep. But there is a tiniest hint of a smile playing on the corners of his lips and Liam tenses. He never noticed how long his eyelashes are. He’s never seen them this long on a man. They cast a shadow on Zayn’s cheeks. They are a little flushed, even in the dark room, the flush contrasting to the golden skin.

He looks young and reckless, boyish and carefree just like Liam knows he was when they were kids.

Liam’s hand lifts on its own accord, tracing the sharp jaw and the soft stubble against the cheekbones.

He’s mesmerising. Liam can’t think of another word, because he feels fuzzy and on a brink of something that scares him to death, but he wants it nonetheless.

It’s intoxicating, the feeling that crawls into his chest and he tries to blame it all on the fumes in the room and the scent of salt in the air, the wine that still runs through is veins as he leans down and presses his lips to Zayn’s.

He doesn’t do it the way he wants to, afraid that Zayn will wake up. It’s only a timid brush of lips because he’s unsure and scared.

It hits him like a brick on the back of a head, what he had done, and he is scrambling back, thinking about running away while he still can and...

There is a hand on the back of his neck pulling him back in and before he can react, those lips are firmly pressed to him own.

He gasps into Zayn’s mouth, surprised. Immovable from his shock, he stays still and tries to think. But those lips are moving fervently over his, soft but stubborn.

“Let go, Liam.” Zayn whispers against his mouth when he gets no response.

Rough teeth bite at his bottom lip and those fingers tug lightly on his hair and let go Liam!

He does. A whine escapes his mouth before he finally kisses back.

It’s even more intoxicating than before, now that Zayn is kissing him back. They fight for dominance, their lips swelling against the others. They burn and prickle as they move fervently together. Liam fights it until he can’t anymore. He opens his mouth, welcoming the tongue that enters right away, eliciting a involuntary moan from Liam.

He moves his own against it, chasing the taste of wine mixed with chocolate that Zayn ate at dinner with Safaa. He feels a strong taste off tobacco and remotely caffeine. He traces the roof of his mouth and feels something that is purely and simply Zayn. Liam thinks that he might be addicted to it.

Liam curls his hand into Zayn’s hair and even though he knows that he uses products to keep it still, it’s incredibly soft between his fingers. When Zayn licks at the back of he’s teeth, he tugs on a few strands causing Zayn to groan and stumble in his actions, and Liam uses it as a chance to take over dominance in the kiss.

Zayn lets him ravish his mouth and he keeps doing it until he’s completely out of breath and has to pull back for air.

His heart sits high in his throat furious but not moving. Every part of his skin is prickling with this new sensation and he feels like he is caught on fire. He can still feel Zayn’s breath on his lips and he realises that they’re still clutching onto each other.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” He croaks out and winces at how unsteady his voice is.

Zayn chuckles, the bastard. “You still did, mate.” His voice is raspy and thick. There is sweat forming on his forehead and Liam fights a grin, because he did that.

“It was a mistake.” He says.

“Do you regret it?” Zayn asks challengingly and Liam wants to say that he does, but.

He shakes his head. “I will in the morning, though.” He admits.

“Why?” Zayn asks, confused.

Liam slides his hand out of Zayn’s hair letting it fall on the bed. “Because in the morning we’ll hate each other again and you’ll be sober and think the worst of me like you always do.” He says thickly. “And I have no idea what this means or why I let it happen.” He finishes.

“You like me.” Zayn says simply and Liam glares at him.

“You’re rude and bitchy and you make me want to commit murder or suicide on a daily basis.” Liam offers. “I...”

Zayn interrupts him with a grin. “You like me, Payne. Face it.”

Liam groans and hides his face in Zayn’s neck. “I don’t want to. You’re horrible.” Zayn only giggles in return. “Plus, you’re drunk and you’ll forget all of this in the morning.” Liam points out.

Zayn shakes his head. “No way I can forget this.” He breathes and Liam blushes. “I am drunk, though and I don't want to say something wrong. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.” He promises. “Now sleep, Liam.”

He presses his lips to Liam’s forehead and all of his body to Liam’s. Liam tenses, but Zayn whispers: “Let go” against his skin, curling his arms around him and Liam does.

He sighs heavily, knows that he’ll regret this in the morning, but Zayn is warm and solid next to him and he lets that lull him into sleep.

Chapter Text

When I'm losing my control the city spins around

You're the only one who knows, you slow it down.

Liam feels a movement that he knows he didn’t make, but someone who did is too close and that is not what he expected. His eyes blink open swiftly and he looks down.

Zayn has an arm draped over Liam’s chest, where Liam’s is still curled around him. Their legs are even more intertwined than Liam remembers. He looks so peaceful and calm that Liam feels a sudden pang of jealousy because Liam sure doesn’t feel like that.

His brain is still fogged up from sleep, but slowly it all comes rushing back to him. Zayn painting the day before, the dinner when he almost choke on every bite of his food, the way he ran away from everyone and crawled into his bed to relax. The lump in his throat returns and his blood cools when remembers the way Zayn came into the room and crawled into their bed. The way he kissed Liam when he wanted to run away after what he did.

Liam swallows thickly. They kissed. And if you ask Liam, it was the most spectacular kiss he’s ever had and it’s going to be very hard to erase it from his mind.

But he feels wrong, because he knows that this only made things worse than they already were.

His senses are in chaos and his mind is a rushing tornado of unfamiliar words and restless feelings which twirl around in his head, making him feel uncomfortable and nauseous.

Without a second thought, he jolts away from Zayn and jumps out of the bed like it burned him.

Zayn shoots up in a sitting position immediately. His eyes are wide with shock and surprise.

“What the hell?” He asks, his voice raspy and thick with sleep. Liam doesn’t answer. He goes to stand by the window, staring at the endless water like it contained an answer and a solution to this. “Liam.” Zayn snaps, trying to get his attention, but Liam stays in place, quiet.

Zayn groans frustratingly and falls back onto the bed. It’s quiet for a few minutes, the only sounds in the room being their shallow breathing. Liam spares Zayn a look.

He is staring at the ceiling, sleep long forgotten. There’s a frown on his lips, his brow furrowed in confusion. Liam knows that Zayn is being quiet only because he is giving Liam time, or an out, Liam is not sure. But that would be easy for someone, to act like nothing happened at simply move on with their life. Not, for Liam, though. He needs to talk about this, because he feels like it’s going to blow up in his face.

“What happened last night shouldn’t have happened.” He says quietly, trying to keep his voice firm. He feels Zayn’s eyes on him again, but he goes back to looking out the window because it seems easier. “It was a mistake and it won’t happen again.”

Zayn snorts. “This is so like you. Whatever Liam, it was just an experiment. We don’t have to talk about it.”

Liam turns to look at him. He raises his eyebrows questionably. “We don’t?” He asks hopefully.

Zayn shakes his head. “We don’t. It doesn’t have to mean anything, Liam. So calm the fuck down. I don’t want anything from you.” He says firmly, but Liam cringes at his tone. He can’t help but notice something like hurt on Zayn’s face. Liam only nods in response, not being able to come up with an answer.

The serious expression is gone from Zayn’s face suddenly, replaced with his signature smirk that makes Liam’s heart jump in his throat.

“You’re a good kisser, I must admit. Loved the technique.” Zayn teases and Liam groans in response, hoping that the room is not light enough to show the blush on his cheeks.

“You’re not gonna let this go, are you?” He deadpans and Zayn shakes his head happily. “You said we don’t have to talk about it!”

Zayn grins. “We don’t have to talk about emotions, feelings and stupid things like that. But we could definitely talk about the way you kiss, Payne.”

“No we can’t.” Liam says sternly. “I don’t want to.” He says and turns to rummage through his bags in search for clean clothes.

“I can.” Zayn insists, his tone playful.

Liam stands up and glares at him on his way to the bathroom. “Go back to sleep.” He snaps.

He’s about to close the door when he hears Zayn again.

“I can’t. We have swimming lessons, Liam. Did you forget?” He calls out to him.

Liam shuts the door closed with a thump and heads into the shower.

“Fuck.” He says as the water pours down onto him.

The swimming lessons are going to be twice as awkward after what happened.

Today, Liam wishes that the water was colder than it is. That way he would be able to get out of this miss that he got himself into with the swimming lessons and he wouldn’t have to struggle to keep his sanity around Zayn.

He is not that lucky, though. That’s why, around noon, he finds himself in the water with Zayn again. Zayn, who doesn’t want to make things any easier on him and who keeps turning Liam into a blushing mess with every chance he gets.

“C’mon Zayn you have to go slower.” Liam tells him as Zayn kicks the water too fast again. “We’ve been over this a thousand time and you were much better before than you are now. It’s like you want to fail.”

Zayn shrugs and only gives him a blinding smile in return.

“I’m gonna slap you one of these days, I swear.” Liam grumbles under breath, but Zayn still hears him. He stops in his movements and uses the hold he has on Liam to draw him much closer, using it as an excuse to retrieve his balance even if he didn’t really need it in this shallower end. As soon as they’re face to face, he rests his hand on Liam’s waist and leans in to whisper in his ear lowly.

“I may be into that, you know.” He pulls back and winks at him before going back to what he was doing, never breaking the eye contact with Liam.

Liam thinks he’s the one warming up the water with how his skin catches on fire every time Zayn even breaths close to him, not to mention the heated, teasing looks he gives him every now and then.

It goes on like that until Liam thinks he’s going to lose his mind.

Finally, Zayn takes mercy on him after an hour and tells him they’re done for the day.

“Good. I need a shower and a nap before we leave with Doniya tonight.” Liam responds as they get out from the water and he starts walking back to the hotel, seeing that Zayn’s going to stay for a while longer.

“Have fun!” Zayn calls after him. Liam stops in his tracks and turns to give him a quizzing look.

“In the shower.” Zayn clarifies and Liam’s cheeks catch on flame again, but he still finds the strength to flip him off before he leaves.

Liam walks away faster than someone that doesn’t give a damn should and Zayn chuckles amusedly after him again.

His skin is on fire. The black T-shirt clings much closer to his body than before. His hair is sweaty, ruined from the way he ran his finger through it chasing away the sweat. The heat is too much and just enough at the same time, but he blames it on the now countless shots that he took with some girls at the bar. Music rings loudly in his ears and he swears his heartbeat took the same pace as the beat.

He sways his hips along to it, following some girl’s movements with his own. She’s a good dancer, Liam thinks. She has rhythm and she’s easy to follow and she follows easily. Her name is Tanya or something like that, Liam can’t really remember. She smells good and smiles cheekily at Liam. She wings her hands around his neck and presses close until they’re sharing the same breaths, but never kisses him.

“You’re amazing and I would do nameless things to you.” She whispers against his mouth and then grins. “But your boyfriend might kill me for it, so…” She shrugs and looks on her left, winking at someone.

Liam turns to take a look himself and then groans. “Not my boyfriend.” He says frustratingly, but she doesn’t seem to notice as she is too busy watching Zayn as he comes up to them to the crowd, pulling a girl with him. She’s way too pretty, Liam thinks. It makes him nauseous and jealous in the ways he can’t explain, but he forgets about it as soon as she slides behind him and presses close to him, hugging him from the back and starts dancing. He takes a look at Tanya, only to find her in the exact same position with Zayn. They press close to him as well, until there’s practically no space left between anyone.

Liam should feel suffocated, he knows, but he feels aroused much more. He thinks Zayn mouths at him something like ‘let go’ and he smirks when Liam silently moans and finally starts moving.

If he felt on fire before, it’s nothing compared to the way he feels when he meets Zayn’s gaze over Tanya’s shoulder. It’s dizzying, this whole thing and he doesn’t know how he manages to keep his balance.

It goes on like that for a long time, until Liam looses count of minutes and songs. Later, when the music changes into something more aggressive and when he’s sure he’s going to come in the middle of the dance floor if he keeps it up, he extracts himself from the crowd, kissing the girls on the cheek before he leaves them with Zayn. He finds himself at the bar, sipping another beer and looking at Doniya and the boy from the other night snog on the dance floor.

Someone who is even drunker than him bumps into him with such force suddenly and Liam can feel it. He’s going down and he knows there are going to be bruises in the morning. That doesn’t happen, though.

“Will ya watch it Wonderboy?” Someone groans into his neck and Liam fucking giggles. Zayn has got a strong grip on Liam and pulls him up as if he weighs nothing. He fits a hand under Liam’s chin, watching him amusedly. “Drunk?” He asks.

Liam giggles again. What the hell?

“Very.” He hiccups out and Zayn smiles at him fondly, making Liam frown suddenly. He has no idea why he finds it so endearing.

“We need to take you home, Payne.” Zayn sighs out when Liam pouts. “Stay here and don’t move. I’ll be right back.” He guides Liam so he can lean on the counter while he gets back.

Liam can see him moving through the crowd easier than Liam, faster. He doesn’t even apologize to the people he pushes. He whispers something in Doniya’s ear and she nods. Seconds later, Zayn is back and Liam is hauled up onto his feet again and Zayn lets him lean on him by throwing Liam’s hand around his shoulders before he drags him out of the club and home.

The walk home seems too long, even if he’s sure that he doesn’t remember half of it. Zayn keeps talking nonsense, probably because he had a drink too much as well, while Liam hums in responses or giggles when they stumble over their own feet. Zayn snorts at him every time, but it sounds too playful to be mean.

When they reach the room, Zayn seems to have sobered up a bit and he acts quickly. He makes Liam drink a glass of water despite the protests and he drinks one himself. They undress quickly (Well, Zayn does and then he helps Liam with the rest of his clothes.) and Liam is too drunk to be aware of the fact that he is only in his boxers and splayed over the bed.

He’s sure that he will regret making this decision in the morning, but as soon as Zayn moves to leave the room and go on the balcony to have one last smoke before bed, Liam extends his arm towards him.

“Stay.” He croaks out.

Zayn chuckles. “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll just have a smoke and then I’m coming back.” He says, but Liam shakes his head instantaneously making Zayn sigh and come closer to him. He places his hand on Liam’s right cheek, rubbing soft circles. “I promise. Now go to sleep.”

He moves away again, but Liam catches his wrist before he gets too far. “Please, Zayn.” He slurs. “Come to bed.” He’s not sure what makes him even dizzier, the alcohol rushing through his veins, or the smirk that crawls onto Zayn’s lips as soon as Liam says the words.

“Okay.” Zayn whispers and Liam tugs on his wrist to get him to move.

Zayn places his cigarettes on the bedside table before climbing under the covers. Already too tired, Liam unconsciously drags him closer than probably needed and Zayn complies, still smirking. Their limbs tangle together comfortably and that is probably the last thing Liam remembers.

Zayn whispers something into his hair and Liam can feel his smile, but he doesn’t hear it because he is already asleep.

Liam can’t remember the time when he was this much in pain after a night out. He’s practically awakened by the dull pain in his head and the pain in the rest of his body. He would swear that his left arm is asleep from the position that he had slept in, but he can’t bring himself to actually move and make it better.

He would like to open his eyes, but the light in the room seems too light even through his eyelids, not to talk about what would happen if he opened them quickly.

However, he can feel someone’s eyes practically burning holes into his skull, even if he can’t see it. Liam gathers some will and some strength and finally does open them.

The light is blinding, just like he thought. His eyes are immediately in pain, but he forces them opened. He groans, pulling his hand where it was crushed under his body, bringing it closer and rubbing it with his other hand to retrieve some blood in it.

Someone chuckles on his right side, making him jerk his head in that direction, regretting it right away when the light almost blinds him again. He throws and arm over his face and makes painful noises, provoking that someone to laugh at him again.

He snorts and peeks at him from under his eyes.

Zayn is leaning on his elbow, gazing at him amusedly. There is no other expression for it. His lips are twitching up in a smile, the amber eyes are still lidded with sleep. His hair shows no traces of hair products anymore, standing up in a million directions, but it doesn’t look bad at all. There is no universe where he could look bad, Liam thinks and then mentally slaps himself for thinking like that and blames it on the hangover that he’s going through. He does divert his eyes from Zayn’s, though and keeps them glued on the ceiling.

Sleep seems to be out of question now and Liam seems much more awake then a few moments ago. None of them say anything, leaving the room silent, apart from their breathing. For the first time, it’s not awkward to be this close to Zayn and to be quiet, Liam thinks. He knows that there are a hundred questions hanging in the air around them, but he likes this.

However, there’s something that is still sitting high in his throat, unmoving and he needs to get it out soon, even if he ends up regretting it later. The words start flowing out of his mouth before he even gets the chance to stop them.

“I never thought I was gay.” He starts and he can feel Zayn tense up next to him, but he doesn’t bother to look at him, continuing. “I’ve only ever looked at girls when I was younger. I guess that’s what I saw the other boys doing and I did the same.” Liam admits. “Then Sophia came up and there was only her, for years. I’ve only ever looked at her because she was my girlfriend and I loved her.”

“You never noticed anyone else, besides her?” Zayn interrupts and Liam shakes his head, happy that Zayn is going along with this and not taking the piss at him.

“Not once. All I knew is that she was my girlfriend and being faithful to her meant so much more than to chasing other girls.” Liam retorts. “She was the only thing that mattered and I wanted to be with her no matter what. Plus, I was too busy with school and sports to even think differently. But look what that got me into now when she left me for god knows what.” He finishes mournfully.

Zayn ignores him, though. “You’ve never looked at any guys? Ever?” He asks and Liam turns to look at him. His eyebrows are raised questionably and he looks more surprised than amused now.

“Not like that.” Liam says. “Even when Harry and Louis came out to everyone I clapped them on the back and gave them all of my support, but I didn’t even think about myself ever liking guys.”

“You never looked at other guy’s naked ass, chest or noticed their dicks in the locker rooms?”

“What? Of course not!” Liam scoffs and blushes in spite of himself. Zayn grins.

“Calm your tits, Liam. I’m just checking.” He says and Liam rolls his eyes. “So…” Zayn starts and there’s a teasing tone to his voice that Liam tenses at. That is never a good thing when Liam feels this vulnerable. “You chose to have a sexuality crisis over me of all people.”

“I didn’t chose it. I...” Liam rushes out and then cuts himself short when he realises his admission. Zayn grins at him amusedly and Liam is sure that if he blushes any harder, he will catch the bed on fire. “Shut up. You’re awful.” He tells Zayn.

“You still find me irresistible.” Zayn says and Liam’s heart picks up pace.

He tries to keep his voice steady when he speaks up again. “You smoke too much, you’re a hazard to society, you have no respect for rules or people, you waste your days doing absolutely nothing and you never care about consequences of your actions.”

Zayn surprises the hell out of him when he pushes himself up and moves until he’s straddling Liam’s hips. Liam gasps and moves to do something, even if he’s not sure what he would do, but Zayn catches his wrists in a tight grip and pins his arms above his head. Liam squirms under his weight, but stills in his shock when he grinds up against Zayn’s ass which only makes Zayn grin harder and god he’s beautiful. He leans down until his face is inches away from Liam’s and Liam can feel his breath on his face when he speaks up.

“You like me.” Zayn says matter of factly and Liam lets out a shaky breath. “And you want to kiss me again.” He says the last of it against Liam’s lips but he never fully leans in to connect their lips. Liam thinks that minutes pass before anyone makes a move. Zayn snorts and starts moving away slowly. “But you’re too big of a coward to actually do it.” He releases Liam’s wrists and moves to get up, but Liam reacts quickly, not giving it a second thought.

He lifts his hand swiftly and fits it at the back of Zayn’s head to stop him from moving further. He draws him in again and whispers: “Not quite” against his mouth with a sudden grin before surging up and closing the distance between them.

This kiss is languid, slow instead of rushed like the last time. It’s something familiar to him and he hates how much he likes it. Zayn’s response is immediate, like he knew exactly what Liam’s reaction was going to be. When Liam realises it he bites at his bottom lip, eliciting a moan from the other lad. He adores the way their lips slide together, but he craves more and uses it as a way to coax his mouth open and sneak his tongue inside.

There is a strong taste of sour coffee and tobacco and Liam wants to pull back and tell him again how much he hates coffee without sugar, but the way Zayn feeds it to him with a skilful tongue makes him think otherwise. Remains of toothpaste washed away from coffee, but not completely stick to the back of his teeth and Liam groans into Zayn’s mouth.

A strong scent of citrus tickles his senses and Liam doesn’t remember when, but Zayn got up already, had his morning coffee and showered before he got back to bed. Liam pulls away slightly.

“When did you get up?” Liam asks against Zayn’s lips.

“Around nine. Couldn’t sleep.” Zayn admits. “It’s almost noon now.” He says and Liam can’t believe he slept this long.

He goes to say something, but Zayn kisses him again to stop him.

“Shh.” Zayn admonishes. He pulls back from Liam’s mouth only to bend down to lay kisses down his neck to his collarbone. “Don’t give me excuses, Li. Stay in bed today. With me.” He adds. Liam shakes his head and goes to protest, but Zayn’s mouth is suddenly replaced with his teeth as he bites harshly at the skin where Liam’s neck meets his shoulder and Liam moans helplessly. His hands move and curl in Zayn’s hair.

“Zayn.” Liam tries to protest, but it comes out more like plea.

“C’mon Liam.” Zayn says huskily and rolls his hips down grinding against Liam in a way that makes his eyeballs roll over and he groans appreciatively.

“I don’t...” He tries, but he doesn’t even know what he wants to say.

Zayn chuckles lowly and comes back up to look him in the eyes.

“Just let me, okay?” He asks and Liam’s eyes widen but he remains speechless. Zayn continues. “It’s just an experiment.” He says. “Just a way for you to find out if you’re into it.” He pecks Liam softly on the lips. “You back out whenever you want to, babe.” He leans his forehead against Liam’s. “And I’ll stop anytime. Just let me.” He whispers.

Liam knows this is a bad idea. He knows that there is no good ending to all of this, but he nods the best way he can with the way their foreheads are fit against each other. Zayn smiles cheekily before kissing him again.

Liam groans again because this kiss has a purpose. Zayn’s hands are sliding the bed covers off his body and tracing invisible patterns over his skin. That’s when Liam becomes fully aware of his nakedness. The only thing he has on are his boxers, but they do a poor job to hide the way his cock thickens under the material with every sound Zayn fits into his mouth. He feels embarrassed with his reaction, but when Zayn pulls away from his mouth only to lay kisses over his chest and lick over his collarbones and grinds down on Liam’s thigh, showing him that he’s just as much into this, Liam sighs out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Zayn makes a spectacle of kissing and licking every surface he gets to touch, going lower and lower until he’s at the hem of Liam’s boxers. Liam’s breath hitches when he pulls them down on one side, but Zayn diverts his attention when he goes to suck numerous bruises on them. He doesn’t even notice Zayn’s hand moving until it’s covering his still covered dick and palming him firmly through the material.

He should push him away, he knows. He should tell him that this is a bad idea and all of it was just a mistake... Zayn has stopped bruising his hip and his hand is replaced with his mouth. He’s mouthing at his cock through his now wet boxers.

“Fuck...” Liam moans, not being able to look away.

Zayn licks at the damp material before opening his eyes and meeting Liam’s gaze.

“Let me make you feel good.” He begs prettily and Liam nearly has a heart attack when he pulls off his boxers in one swift move.

It’s pure lust and passion what overflows his mind and any doubt he had over this flies out the window when Zayn smirks at him before he takes him in his hand and without breaking the eye contact sinks lower until...

“Oh god.”

Zayn swallows him down to the hilt.

He moves like an expert, like he was made to do this. He never gags or chokes. He loosens his throat every time he goes down and hollows his cheeks on the way up, pulling the foreskin back and licking around the head, collecting the precome before he goes back down. Liam thinks he might actually faint at one point so he curls one hand into the sheets while he tangles the other one around loose strands of Zayn’s hair. He’s a writhing mess of helpless sound when Zayn doesn’t stop in bobbing his head in the same pace for a few minutes. Liam was never this loud in bed, but he can’t help it this time.

When he pulls on Zayn’s hair, the other boy hums around him and Liam is right on the edge. He knows that there’s no way back now.

He is right there when Zayn hollows his cheeks for the last time, kisses the head wetly before he pulls completely off.

Liam groans at the lack of contact but Zayn is crawling back on top of him and kissing him wildly again. He can taste himself in Zayn’s mouth and instead of gross, he finds it incredibly arousing. He kisses back hard, grinding up to meet Zayn’s hips and moaning when his erection catches on Zayn’s through the material of Zayn’s pants.

Zayn lets him keep it up for a while before fitting a hand on his hips to pin him down.

“Not yet.” Zayn says. His voice is raw and deep and Liam lets out a shuddering breath when he realises that he did that to Zayn.

“Come on, Zayn. I want...” Liam says breathlessly but Zayn kisses him quiet.

“I know, babe. But you’ll have to wait for another minute.” Zayn pulls back to say and he grins at Liam’s confusion.

Zayn stretches over him to open the bedside drawer and Liam keeps his hands on Zayn’s hips so he wouldn’t fall over. Or run away, he thinks. Liam’s eyes widen in shock when Zayn comes back with a tiny bottle of lube and a condom. Zayn grins at him again before he moves off Liam only to take the last of his clothes off before he’s back again, straddling Liam.

Liam watches, stunned, the way Zayn opens the bottle and slicks up his fingers. There’s no finesse to it, he’s rushed and clumsy and that is the first time that Liam notices that he is nervous about this as well. He slicks up three of his fingers before reaching behind himself and... Oh.

If he thought that Zayn was beautiful before, it’s nothing compared to this.

He’s on his knees above Liam, head thrown back. His mouth is slightly opened and his brow is furrowed in concentration, just the way he is when he draws. His eyelashes throw a shadow over his cheekbones and there’s a slight sweat forming on his forehead. The veins on his neck are showing off restraint and struggle, but the way his collarbones seem to move along to his shoulders and the way his hips keep grinding back on his fingers show how much he’s decided on this.

He suddenly jerks back and moans, retrieving Liam from his daze. His cock curves up against his belly and he’s breathing becomes ragged and quick.

It’ all feels like too much and just enough and all Liam wants is to touch. So he does.

He moves forward, tracing the tanned skin with his fingers until Zayn looks down at him and then he replaces his fingers with his mouth.

He traces the Arabic with his tongue, sucking a pretty bruise just under the skull until Zayn moans. He fits his lips over the red ones on his chest, laying kisses all over it. He traces the inked heart with his left hand, moving his right one over one of Zayn’s nipples. After a first few touches, he leans in, mouthing over it and then sucking hard until he feels it harden in his mouth.

“Jesus.” Zayn gasps. “Fuck, Liam.”

He pulls back to look at him again, and his hand traces the gun and the ‘Don’t think I won’t’ before he takes Zayn’s cock in his hand.

It feels weird, having someone else’s dick in his hand, but the way relief flashes over Zayn’s face makes Liam forget about it and he does his best to remember the things that he likes before applying more pressure on Zayn as he jerks him off.

His other hand wonders under, and he pulls lightly on Zayn’s balls until Zayn makes another delicious sound before moving even further and...

He crashes his forehead against Zayn’s stomach and moans hard. He can feel the way Zayn has three fingers moving in and out of his hole. The remains of lube are scattered all around it, making it slick. Before he knows what he’s doing, Liam is reaching for the bottle lube himself, slicking his own fingers and bringing his own fingers to the same place.

He pulls Zayn’s hand away until he obliges and pulls his fingers out. Liam is tentative at first, running is index finger around the muscle and feeling it throb under his touch.

The first finger slips in easily and the second one follows suit. At the third one, Zayn leans his hands on Liam’s shoulders and pushes back until Liam starts moving them.

He’s just moving them, learning the way it feels, the way Zayn constricts around him every time he goes deeper. It’s not until he curls them slightly that Zayn reacts properly. As soon as he brushes over something, Zayn’s eyes shoot open and he moans out the filthiest of moans Liam has ever heard.

“Liam.” He croaks.

Liam smirks, suddenly confident at the way Zayn feels this vulnerable. He does it again, eliciting another sound from Zayn.

“What do you want, Zayn?” Liam asks. His voice doesn’t sound like his own anymore. “Tell me.”

Zayn doesn’t seem coherent anymore. “Your cock Liam.” He says and Liam nearly comes on the spot. “Gimme your cock or I’ll come like this.” Zayn begs.

“Shit.” Liam gasps, mouthing at Zayn’s chest again.

“Please, Liam. God.” Zayn begs and Liam is sure he’s going to lose it before he even gets to be inside of Zayn.

“Okay.” He says softly. “Okay.”

Liam pulls his fingers out, noting the way Zayn winces at the lack of contact. He wipes his fingers on the now ruined sheets before grabbing the condom Zayn left beside him and rolling it on. He takes more lube and coats his cock generously, pumping it a few times before pulling Zayn closer.

“You sure about this?” He asks against Zayn’s neck.

“Yes, I’m sure. Just hurry up.” Zayn rushes out against his temple.

Liam nods in response before he lines up.

He wants to go slow, not wanting things to end so quickly and not wanting to hurt Zayn, but as soon as the head catches on his hole, Zayn grinds down and sinks down until Liam bottoms out.

They both hiss at the sudden pressure, Liam struggling to stay composed because it feels like too fucking much.

“Oh, fuck.” He curses.

There’s no way to describe it. It was never this with Sophia. He feels like he’s been plunged into something new and unfamiliar and he can’t seem to get enough of it. Some sort of electricity rolls through his body, making him hot all over, but in the best ways possible.

When their breathing finally calms and they adjust, Liam grinds their hips together seeking friction. Zayn complies, moving up slowly and then sinking down again.

“Does it hurt?” Liam asks thickly.

Zayn leans in until they’re sharing the same air. “At first.” He admits. “But it’s worth it, believe me.” He starts moving faster and more confident, chasing the breath out of Liam. “And it goes away eventually.” He adds. He swallows thickly and grins at Liam. “The way your cock feels inside of me, babe, nothing can top that.” He says and Liam thrusts up, meeting him halfway. Zayn moans in reaction.

He continues shakily as Liam moves with him. “Are you sure you haven’t done this before? Because you move so... You feel so good and big. I'm so full. ’M gonna be sore for days, Liam.” Liam groans and surges up to kiss him. He needs to shut up this very moment or it’s all going to end up quickly.

He ravishes Zayn’s mouth and tries to ignore the way amazing and incredible and utterly beautiful sit heavily on his tongue.

They move in unison, sharing the same air until the sweet feeling of ecstasy comes close again.

Somewhere between a throaty Liam and a holy fuck Zayn comes between them, untouched and coats his stomach white in four long spurts. He thrusts up a few more times before he follows suit, spilling inside if the condom.

They’re quiet again, after that, trying to calm their breathing and come back to their sanity.

When he pulls out, Liam feels Zayn hiss at the emptiness and the lack of contact. He ties the condom before leaning over the bed to dispose it into the bin before lying down on the bed and pulling Zayn down next to him.

Once again, there are a million questions hanging in the air above them and Liam feels like he got all the answers, but he can’t quite form the right words.

To his luck, Zayn is the one to speak up first and to break the silence.

“Let go, Liam.” He says softly and Liam turns his head to look at him properly. He looks so dishevelled, his hair a mess and his skin sweaty and glossy. The look he gives Liam is full of confusion and compassion, but his words are firm and his voice is stable. His words sit heavily around them, like an answer to the question Liam didn’t know he was silently asking. “It’s okay.” Zayn continues. “I’m not gonna take a piss at you babe. You’re probably the best I’ve had.” He grins when Liam blushes sweetly and he lifts his hand to trace his fingers over Liam’s cheekbones, over the bridge of his nose and ending up curling under his chin to keep him in place while he thumbs over his bottom lip. “You’ll be fine.” He assures and Liam is not so sure about that.

“Will I?” Liam voices, glad that he sounds more like himself now. “You do realise what we just did? We can’t pretend like it never happened.”

Zayn snorts. “Do you wish it didn’t? Because I remember telling you that you could back out any minute.” He retorts.

Liam shakes his head. “I didn’t want to back out.” He admits. “But I don’t know what to do now that it’s over.”

“I could always go for round two, just give me a minute to recover and...” Zayn starts and then burst out laughing when Liam groans and facepalms to cover his blush.

“You’re insufferable.” Liam admonishes, but he can’t help his lips twitching up.

Zayn sighs out a long breath and Liam lifts his head to look at him.

“You don’t owe me anything, Liam.” Zayn says. “Look at it like an experiment so you could find out what you actually want. And now that it’s over, we can move from it. Just forget about it if it makes things easier.” He finishes quietly and Liam wasn’t expecting so much pain to fill up his chest at the words, but it still happens.

He nods helplessly after a moment, not knowing how to react. Zayn looks unsure of his own words, his voice not so steady and firm anymore, but Liam doesn’t notice.

“Okay.” Liam says and then smiles, unsure when Zayn bites at his bottom lip. “I’m not, like...” He cuts himself short and chuckles earning himself a grin from Zayn.

“Out with it, Liam.” Zayn orders. “You had your cock up my ass minutes ago. I think we’re done with stalling and being nervous.”

“Do you have to be so crude?” Liam growls at him, but Zayn just shrugs nonchalantly. “Um.” Liam continues, his shyness back despite everything. “I’m not gonna say thank you, mate.” He grins when Zayn groans and throws his hands in the air. “That would just sound so...”

“Unnecessary?” Zayn supplies and Liam nods in agreement. “You better don’t, Wonderboy, or I might actually kick your stupid ass for it.” He says matter of factly and Liam chuckles. “So...” He raises his eyebrows amusedly. “How was it, now that you know it’s done with a guy?”

Liam fights a blush, but snorts in response. “You don’t want me to say thank you, but you do want me to praise you for the way you act in bed?”

“So that good, ha?”

“Egomaniac.” Liam laughs out.

“Did you discover something about yourself in the end?” Zayn asks.

I think I discovered it at the very moment I kissed you and only confirmed it now, Liam thinks.

“I did.” Liam says and nods.

Zayn nods as well. “Okay.” He says softly and then yawns out of nowhere. “We probably need a shower, but I’m too tired for that.” He says and reaches over Liam to grab the bed covers and pull it over both of them. “Nap first.” He adds and Liam chuckles at his goofiness. Zayn is like a child when he’s sleepy.

He feels like an intruder, staring, but he can’t stop his eyes from moving over the invisible patterns over Zayn’s skin. There’s so much more tattoos than he expected and he wants to ask about them, learn their meaning.

His eyes fall on a pretty bruise just under one of the skulls and his breath hitches slightly because he did that. But there are at least dozen bruises that Zayn left on his own skin and he feels branded and he hates the way that he doesn’t seem to mind at all.

“Stop starin’. You’re creepy.” Zayn croaks sleepily and Liam grins.

He can’t sleep, though. If Zayn is drained of energy, Liam feels like he has too much of it. Like he drank a couple of energy drinks or had several cups of strong coffee. That’s why he gets up slowly, not wanting to jostle Zayn, and goes into the shower to wash off the remains of sweat, lube and come off his body.

When he finishes showering and puts some clothes on, he gets out of the bathroom only to find Zayn sound asleep and in the same position.

He sighs before taking his keys and his phone before he gets out of the room and heads out.

The beach crowded, like most of the days, but he continues to walk until he comes up to the rock, his favourite place on the beach, and climbs up slowly. He sits down on the edge, legs dangling slowly. He is alone here, away from everyone else.

There’s a strong scent of salt in the air and Liam grins, because it calms him down. The water is a bit more restless today, but stretching calmly on the edges and Liam can relate.

Now that he thinks about what happened, it doesn’t seem like a mistake.

The way it all felt, the way Zayn felt, couldn’t be discarded like a stupid mistake.

He hated to admit to himself that he felt rejected and hurt after Zayn called it just an experiment when it felt like so much more. Liam didn’t plan on it happening, and even less sticking to his memory like this, but it was all done now.

Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Let’s be honest, how can two guys that hate so much about each other be anything more than what Zayn and Liam were at this point? This was a good thing, Liam assured himself.

They still have a few more days of vacation left and it better less awkward than it needs to me.

Because, soon enough, they will go back home and Greece, this summer and Zayn will all be just a memory at the back of Liam’s head.

His phone goes off in his pocket and brings him back from his thoughts. He retrieves it from his pocket.

Sophia’s name flashes across the screen and Liam cringes at it.

You couldn’t have picked a better moment to call, Liam thinks. He presses the button to dismiss the call and he turns off his phone before putting it back in his pocket.

He can’t believe the nerve of her.

Whatever, it’s not like he gives a damn anymore. If there was any chance of them ever getting back together, it just vanished off the face of the earth.

Because he will try his best to do so, but he’s not sure that he could ever get out of his head what happened this summer.

And he will hate Greece forever, the stupid hot weather, the way the sea felt too cold more times that it didn’t, the way he fought everything this summer brought to him, but it all still managed to win him over.

And he might hate Greece forever, but that only means that he will never forget it.

Chapter Text

Come on, then. Soothe the burns and bruises you left behind on my skin. Trace the scars with your fingertips and don’t mind the way I tremble underneath your touch. I’m just afraid, I reckon. I’m scared that you might leave more of those marks on my soul than you did on my body. Afraid that I might let you do it or even beg you for it, because it seems like a better idea than you leaving.

Use everything in your power to save me, not destroy me. Even when I’m sure you are capable of both.

Let me breathe and don’t take my last breath away. Try and breathe with me instead.

This is home, Liam thinks. The weather is warm, but the air and the sun don’t burn his skin. He is not surrounded by cold, endless water anymore. Instead of that, all he can see right now is what he craved the most over the summer. He smiles at the view.

Harry is lying on the grass next to him. Tight jeans hug his body perfectly, leaving nothing to imagination and Liam fights an eye-roll. The white-brown shirt hangs loosely on him along with the necklaces he always wears. Few buttons a-on the top are a undone and familiar tattoos are peeking out, screaming for attention even if Liam knows that they are there for a very private reason. He knows that one of the birds is smaller than the other one and Harry loves that one far more than the other one. Not that him and Louis are private with anything in their relationship. Liam still can’t forget the numerous conversations on their sex lives he had to listen to even if he begged to be excused from them. The curls are still brown and wild, as Louis doesn’t let him cut it. He’s wearing a fond smile on his lips, the dimple on his left cheek dragging the attention away from the piercing green eyes.

Niall is sitting in front of him, his legs intertwined. The guitar Liam brought for him from Greece sits perfectly in his hands and Liam smiles at the way that Niall keeps touching it delicately, like he is afraid he might break it or something, even if Liam knows that Niall was born with a guitar in his hands. His hair is longer than at the beginning of the summer, the artificial blond hair almost completely faded away, replaced by his natural brown color. He’s dressed in loose blue T-shirt that matches his eyes and tight jeans that look more like Harry’s than his own. Liam smirks because he probably borrowed it a few months ago and never really gave it back. Not that Harry would mind, Liam is remembers. Niall’s shoulders shake with laughter and his laugh is just like Liam remembers. Round cheeks on flame, eyes squeezed shut and his laughter loud and carefree, just like him.

All Liam has to do to see the reason of his laughter is to turn his head to his left. His breath hitches a little, but he firmly slows it down before he makes a sudden noise to avert the attention to him.

He missed Louis the most, but he’s not going to admit it to the bastard. Louis Tomlinson is a constant, rushing tornado in his life ever since they were kids. He was always the loudest of them all, for a start. He had the bluest eyes Liam had ever seen, the wild, but soft brown hair he wore with pride and the everlasting smile that had broke everyone down without even trying. With no regard for rules, always getting himself and everyone else in trouble, forever late everywhere he had to go, one would think he was a bad person. But none of them were there when Louis was there for his friends and family. He defends them with a fire and determination Liam has never seen on someone. When he was like this, though, it’s a side only some people are blessed to see. The way he smiles softly and chuckles lowly, like it’s a secret. The way his eyes crinkle in the ends just like Liam’s.

He looks the same, just like Liam remembers, except for a few more tattoos scattered on his forearm and the ‘It is what it is’ on his chest and the soft brown hair pulled up into a messy quiff. But Liam knows where he got that from. Louis looks up suddenly and meets Liam’s eyes. He smirks knowingly at him and Liam blushes helplessly.

Liam doesn’t remember this. This is not something new and he still hasn’t gotten used to it and he thinks he never will.

Louis’ got him in a firm headlock so he can’t quite do anything when Louis uses his free hand to mess up his hair perfectly styled hair. He makes a protesting sound but still laughs defiantly when Louis demands that he takes back what he said.

Liam wants to be jealous, furious that he infiltrated every single part of his life like this, but Zayn fits so well that Liam hasn’t got will or strength to even think that way.

The boys took him in immediately. Harry and he have an art thingy going, always drawing and talking about art. Niall keeps dragging him away from them so he can help him with the songs he’s writing saying that Zayn has an amazing voice, making the other boy blush. Liam wants to say that he knows, that he spent hours and hours pretending to be asleep while Zayn was humming to the songs on Liam’s own IPod, but he can’t because that’s more that creepy. Louis keeps insisting that he calls the shots on him, calling him his partner in crime, which was expected with how reckless both of them are. Zayn just nods and winks in response every time.

That is what happened with the rest of the school. Things were kind of weird in the beginning, Zayn trying to blend in with everyone and he was afraid that he might not. Soon enough, though, he walked through the school hallways like he owned the place. Everyone was mesmerized with the raven strands of hair and the perfect quiff, the tattoos that peeked out under the clothes. Girls squeaked happily every time he recited Shakespeare in class, but still held his cool.

What bothers Liam most is the fact that all of them are a drooling mess over him and they haven’t seen half of the things he had seen. They don’t know how he looks under the golden sunset, or how he draws in concentration, excluding the rest of the world from his mind. They don’t know about the rest of the tattoos hidden away under the clothes, or the way he breathes evenly when he sleeps, but also raggedly when his heartbeat picks up rate. The way he looks boneless and pliant when he’s coming from his high and the way he seeks comfort later on, looking young and slightly broken.

Liam shivers with the memory he still holds onto. He wishes he doesn’t, prays that it becomes something forgettable and that he can move on.

And he sighs and lies back on the grass, trying to calm his senses. He couldn’t stand to fuck this up even more, not when he’s trying to move on.

If it was only that easy, he thinks to himself as Zayn shrieks again and shouts his name.

“Leeyum!” He drawls out while the others laugh. “C’mon Wonderboy, save me from this beast.”

Liam laughs despite of himself. “You could just admit defeat.” He points out, but he’s already getting up and strolling towards the wrestling boys.

“Not in my DNA.” Zayn chokes out.

Louis scoffs. “But you’re still begging Liam for help.” He points out.

“I’m demanding help.” Zayn rushes out. He tries to take control over Louis, but Louis doesn’t let him. “Liam!” He half-giggles when Louis tickles his side playfully.

Liam doesn’t comment. He only bends down, pulling them apart and then pulling each of them in his own headlock.

“Hey!” The both protest, learning a laugh from everyone.

“Let go Muscles!” Louis protests. “You’ve proved your point.”

Liam smirks. “Say please Liam let us go and sorry that we’re action like a misbehaved children all the time and…”

“Fuck you.” Zayn spits.

Liam grins and tightens his grip on them.

Eventually, Louis starts screaming at the top of his voice, gathering all the attention in the park just like Liam knew he would. Liam lets him go so he’d stop embarrassing them and Louis laughs breathlessly crawling over to Harry and kissing him chastely.

Zayn doesn’t move at all, just lifts his head and smirks at Liam, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. That’s enough for Liam to let him go, but only after he glares at him halfheartedly.

Zayn chuckles and falls down on the grass, leaving Liam in a deep mess by only existing.

Awesome, Payne, Liam thinks to himself. He tries to enjoy the park and ignore everything else.

Breathe in. Glide. Breathe out. Breathe in. Glide. Breathe out.

He comes up for more air as he touches the hard surface in front of him with his hand and breathes out a shaky, but content sigh.

Liam loves the gym. This is where he spends almost all of his afternoons, where he goes after school. Ever since he started coming here, he feels better. He destroys all the bad energy and concentrates on his work out instead of everything else that’s on his mind.

What he loves the most about it, though, is the pool even if he prefers when the water is colder and they it’s heated in here.

The water has always been one of his favorite things in the world. It made him feel the freedom that he longed for, the runaway from everything that waited for him whenever he touched the solid ground.

It’s been a quiet month, Liam thinks, but it feels like too much sometimes anyway. That’s why he runs away every time he gets the chance. He believes that if he lets water control him, he won’t have to feel like he has to control everything else.

He dives back in, repeating the actions from before while he swims to the opposite side of the pool. It takes him even less time than before to get to it and he smiles to himself slightly before he comes up again. What greets him as soon as he wipes the water from his face and opens his eyes wipes away that smile, too.

Of course he’s here. Liam was just waiting for him to take this little space away from him now that he’s infiltrated every other part of his life.

Zayn’s sitting on the edge of the pool, legs crossed and he’s leaning back on the palms of his hands. His head is up, defiantly, as always, but his eyes are downcast so they can meet Liam’s. And of course the hint of that smirk is evident even when he’s biting his bottom lip. He’s beautiful, and Liam should really stop thinking that way.

“What are you doing here?” Liam asks, a little breathless.

Zayn nods towards him. “You’re all wet.” He says instead of answering his question and Liam has the urge to dive back in under Zayn’s teasing smile and burning eyes.

“I’m in the water. It’s given.” Liam retorts, shaking the water droplets out of his hair like a wet puppy. He gets some water on Zayn too, who only huffs out a curse, but he is grinning so Liam doesn’t think he minds.

“Sport.” Zayn teases and Liam rolls his eyes.

“Zayn.” Liam warns and Zayn sighs.

“Fine. It’s Doniya’s birthday in a couple of weeks.” He says and Liam nods because he remembers, even if it’s been years. “I need help getting her a present.” Zayn says sheepishly.

Liam’s brow furrows in confusion. “You don’t know what to get her?” Zayn shakes his head earnestly. “But you’re her brother!” He says incredulously.

“Am I supposed to know everything about her, then?” Zayn asks, impatience in his voice.

“No. But you should at least know what she likes so you can get her something for her birthday.”

Zayn looks thoughtful for a second. “She likes…” He turns to Liam. And he shakes his head again. Liam sighs frustratingly. “Okay. You’re her best friend and you know more than I do. So you’re gonna help.” He orders which earns him a glare from the other boy.

Liam thinks about turning him down, seriously, but this is for Doniya.

“Okay.” He says. “Just give me ten minutes.” He asks as he lifts himself up on the edge of the pool, getting out.

His limbs feels too heavy from being in the water for so long and his skin is cold, but his cheeks still flush as Zayn appreciating eyes rake his body.

“Already done? Now when I was thinking about joining you.” Zayn teases.

Liam turns to him. “I’d let you drown.” He says, but Zayn only laughs in response.

He turns again to leave so he can change in his normal clothes. He’s about to disappear on the corner when he hears a yelp and then a loud splash of water. When he spares another look at Zayn, he’s gone and Liam doesn’t think before he runs back.

He catches a glimpse of him under the surface before he jumps in. He almost swallows a mouthful of water as he gasps at the sudden pressure, but he ignores it and swims towards Zayn.

Liam hears some people shouting for help, but he concentrates on getting the other boy as soon as possible. When he gets to him, he curls his hands tightly around him and swiftly pulls him up.

It takes more time because this end is deeper than the others, but he manages. He takes in a sharp breath that he forgot to take before he jumped in and then swims towards the edge of the pool, never letting go of Zayn’s limp figure.

There are people already there and they help him take him out of the water. They lay him on the floor just as Liam jumps out of the pool himself and crawls quickly towards Zayn.

“Zayn!” He calls out, but the other boy stays in the same state. That’s when Liam takes his head in his hands and notices the blood. It’s not a serious injury as he can see, but it still makes his breath hitch. “Fuck.” He curses.

“Check his pulse.” One of the women says as the others call out for paramedics. When Liam does, he feels it, but it’s too weak to be normal.

“He must have swallowed a lot of water.” A man says as Liam shakes his head furiously.

He acts again, no thinking. There is not time to wait for help.

Liam is not an expert and he’s never given CPR, but he does his best to do what they were taught in school.

Zayn’s lips feel too cold against his, so unmoving and dead and he almost loses all of the air himself. He keeps up the CPR until it feels like an eternity and Zayn still hasn’t reacted.

Until he does. His whole body jerks up as he repeatedly coughs out water and Liam sits there in pure shock as Zayn comes back to life next to him. And that’s when paramedics storm in.

Liam stays in his spot, even when they come up to them and take Zayn away. Even when Zayn croaks out something that sounds a lot like his name. He stays like that until someone starts shaking him. It’s the same woman from before, smiling softly at him.

“You okay, love?” She says softly and it takes a beat for Liam to nod in his response. She smiles even wider. “Your boyfriend is in the other room, he seems much better now. Go and see him.” The woman pushes him up gently, holding him firmly by the arm until he recovers the balance on his wobbly legs.

He doesn’t even think about the boyfriend comment before he croaks out a thick ‘thank you’ and runs towards the room where she said that Zayn was in.

“You’re magical with your hands.” Is the first thing he hears as he storms into the room. It’s Zayn’s voice, of course. A bit raspy, but his. He’s looking up at the unimpressed nurse, teasing smile on his face.

She jabs at his wound a bit firmly, making him hiss in pain and she smirks at him. “Save it, mister Malik. I’m happily married.”

“Touché.” Zayn retorts and they both laugh. He catches a glimpse of Liam on the door then, smirking because he knows that Liam had heard him.

“There you go. All fixed.” The woman says as she finishes with the wound. There’s no more blood around it now and it’s looks less horrifying to Liam with a tiny bandage covering it. “Oh, here is your savior.” She says as she notices Liam. “Very brave this one.” She winks before packing up her stuff and leaving the room.

And then it’s quiet for the longest time. Liam can feel the relief and the tension overflowing inside of his body, but his tongue seems too heavy for him to form proper words.

“You okay, Liam?” Zayn asks, an amused tone his voice. Liam looks at him incredulously.

“You almost died half an hour ago!” He shouts frustratingly. “And the first thing I see you doing is flirting with a married nurse. It’s a bit too much for me.” He says and goes to sit down next to Zayn on the bed, his head in his hands.

Zayn chuckles. “I’m quite gangsta, aren’t I?” He teases and Liam groans in response. Zayn nudges his shoulder with his own so he’s forced to look up. “Thank you.” He says earnestly and Liam sighs.

He nods. “I’m sorry for the drowning comment now.” Liam admits and Zayn smiles.

“Didn’t let me drown, did you now?” Zayn says softly, unreadable expression on his face.

“I couldn’t.” Liam says. “You’re annoying as hell, but I can’t have you dying before you change.” He grins.

“Don’t need to change.” Zayn insists defiantly and Liam snorts a laugh.

“C’mon.” He says. “You’re free to go. We have a present to buy if you forgot.”

“I’m all wet.” Zayn points to his wet clothes, but follows Liam out of the room.

Liam throws him a look over his shoulder. “Are you now?” He says and he pats himself on the back when he doesn’t flush when Zayn smirks knowingly.

He’s almost out of the building, where he’s supposed to wait for Zayn who went to fix his hair into the bathroom when he slams into someone’s body.

He fights a groan that bubbles right inside of him when he sees who the person is.

“Li?” Sophia says. “It’s so good to see you!” And then she hugs him.

Liam hugs back out of instinct. He might not want this anymore, but this is what he’s been doing for years, so that’s what his arms do before he gets a chance to think about it.

It’s not the same, that’s the first thing that hits him. She feels too small in his hands, too soft and tender. Too foreign. And there’s a pang in his chest, a pang of guilt and pain, but then he remembers that none of it was really his fault. And then he pushes her away. Gently, but firmly.

“Don’t.” He says. She looks more angry than sad.

“Why not?”

“You told me it was over, that you needed to be away. So do it.” He shrugs.

“No, I was wrong.” She starts and Liam sighs. “I…”

“Babe?” Zayn calls out for him and judging by his tone, he had already heard all of it and he knows who the girl is.

Liam turns his head to look at him just in time for Zayn’s hands to go around his neck as he pulls him in for a kiss.

Both him and Sophia gasp, but his own gasp is swallowed by Zayn’s insistent mouth. He wants to pull back, because he knows that this is wrong. Instead of that, Zayn bites at his bottom lip sharply and Liam knows what he’s doing, so he puts his hands on his waist and pulls him closer, opening his mouth to the skilful tongue.

This kiss is short, but it’s thorough, insistent and it’s making a point. Zayn pecks him one more time and smiles against his mouth before he pulls back to look at Sophia.

“Liam!” She shouts. “What the hell is this? What are you doing?” Sophia looks so out of space as she talks.

“Sophia.” He says. He hears Zayn take a sharp intake of breath as the complete realization hits him and he almost laughs at the faces both him and Sophia make as they look at each other suspiciously.

Like any of you have the right, Liam thinks.

“Are you gay?” Sophia continues.

“No.” He says, non-convincingly.

“But this?” She gestures at him and Zayn who are still too close to pass it as being friends.

“This is nothing I’m going to discuss with you.” Liam says, happy that his voice is finally stable and firm. Zayn smirks against his cheek and Liam pulls away a little.

The gesture must look like a rejection towards Zayn to Sophia as she smirks again and Liam knows her. He knows that she’s onto them.

“I’ve been calling you, baby.” Sophia tells him. “Why haven’t you answered any of my phone calls?”

Before he can even think of a word to say, Zayn is already answering for him.

“He’s been busy.” He says nonchalantly.

Sophia turns to look at him. “And you are?” She asks, venom in her voice.

“None of your business.” He retorts which earns him a glare from Sophia and a sigh from Liam. There’s no point to interfere since both of them are stubborn and they’ll just carry on like he’s not even in the room.

“Don’t you know who I am, boy? I’m his girlf…”

“Ex girlfriend.” Zayn points out and moves until he’s only inches away from Liam, adding more fuel to the fire he had started. “And I know too much about you, things that are irrelevant at the moment, actually.”

“Oh yeah?” She spits. “What have you been told?”

“Oh I’ve been told the best things about you.” He says, making her brow furrow in confusion, but he continues so he can wipe the appearing smile off her face. “But what stands in front of me is just a useless, shallow waste of space with no brain in her head, since she decided to leave what was probably the best thing she’s ever had and the thing she’s never going to have again. Not in your lifetime.” Zayn finishes, leaving both Sophia and Liam speechless.

“Liam is not something you can throw away and then come back for it when you get bored or realize your mistake. He’s twice as good as you’ll ever be, so leave him alone and wallow in your misery.” He adds.

“Liam? Why are you allowing him to insult me?” Sophia demands. “Tell him to fuck off. Tell him you still love me. That it’s still me.” She pleads but her tone is so wrong and Liam sees right through the lie.

“Liam.” Zayn whispers next to him and it sounds like a question.

After so long, he finally has the answer to it.

He gives Sophia a piercing look, a look that makes her shrink under it. And he keeps his voice stable as he speaks up.

“I don’t want you anymore, Soph.” He says and she opens her mouth to talk but he shakes his head to stop her. “No, listen. We’ve been dating for years and you choose to break up with me over the phone. You’re lucky I’m even giving you a chance to talk to me again.”

“Is it because of him?!” She shouts.

“No.” Liam retorts. “It’s because we were never in love and we would have broken up even if I didn’t leave the fucking country. Because you were never the right person for me. Because you liked the idea of being with me, more than you liked me. And that’s it. I won’t have it again. I won’t have you again, so leave me alone and go on with your life because I’m rebuilding mine.” He finishes.

“With him?” Sophia asks and that’s why he never had a normal conversation with this girl. She always had to have the last word.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” It’s Zayn who says it, just before he grabs Liam’s arm and pulls him away from Sophia, this conversation that leads nowhere and outside.

And Liam lets him.

He curls an arm around Liam’s shoulder, and holds him all the way home.

They don’t end up going home. That’s what Liam first thought, but Zayn takes another path very familiar to Liam and he can’t help but smile ridiculously as they arrive to his favorite spot.

They’re in the park near his house. This is where he goes when he wants to be alone, away from everything. He comes here on his morning run, sits against the giant oak tree that holds scars and memories older than Liam himself.

He grins when Zayn lets go of him only to run up to the tree and sit down on the grass, leaning against it. He takes out the pack of red Marlboro’s from his pocket along with the lighter and lights up before patting the space next to him as a silent invitation for Liam.

Liam sighs and goes.

The park is deserted, apart from him and an old lady that’s just passing by while walking her dog. He loves it like this.

“So.” Liam starts. “How do you know about this place?” He asks Zayn.

The other boy takes a drag from his cigarette before responding.

“I’m a man of many details, sport.” Zayn responds.

“You stalking me or something?” Liam ignores the nickname, or tries.

“Or something.” Zayn remains mysterious and Liam rolls his eyes because he’s already used to it. “You did well there, you know? ‘M proud, I must say.”

Liam snorts. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Zayn is grinning when Liam turns to look at him and he blushes in spite of himself.

“You know what for.” He says thickly.

Zayn shrugs. “I owed you, since you saved my life and all. Proper hero, you are.” He teases. “But don’t get used to it. I’m not going to kiss you every time you need help.”

“I didn’t ask you to kiss me!” Liam yelps and blushes again. Zayn laughs in response, showing Liam that he wouldn’t mind at all. “Whatever.” Liam says, but he looks away.

They stay quiet after that, even when Zayn’s cigarette burns out and the smoke fades away.

It’s more than natural, this. Sitting here with Zayn makes him think of happier times, when they were children. When it was all less confusing.

“What?” Zayn speaks up, interrupting his thoughts. “Why are you smiling?” He asks.

Liam sighs. “You know, I was so devastated when you left.” He starts. “You and Doniya were the best thing that happened to me since my dad left me and my mom. It was all so hard, but then Doniya came and she acted all protective and like another big sister for me. And you were so happy, so cheerful that I had no choice but to be as well.” Liam laughs slightly. “You were the only thing keeping me sane. And now you’re right the opposite. You’re nothing like that anymore. And I know people grow up and change, but you’re completely gone. The little boy who ran around with me and played hide and seek with me against the girls, the one who read comic books with me when I was sad. He’s gone. And I’ve waited for him to come back for years. And when he did, he wasn’t the same. Doniya at least wrote back, but you. Nothing at all.” He finishes.

“I was gone before we even left, Li.” Zayn retorts and Liam turns to look at him. There’s so much sadness in his expression that breaks Liam in half. “It was my dad’s death. He was everything to me. He taught me how to read, ride my bike, to draw. He always told me I had the most amazing voice and that I was gonna become famous because of it one day.” He smiles sadly. “When mom told me he had died, I didn’t even react. She says that I looked like a doll, dead and broken. She took me to the doctor’s to see if I’d talk, but nothing came out. So the best thing she could’ve thought of was packing things and moving away. And the first time I reacted to something wasn’t in America. It was in that damn car when we were driving away from your place. I didn’t even realize what was going to happen, that I was gonna lose you until it was too late. I jumped out of my seat, cried and begged, but she still drove away, saying it was too late. Because you were the same thing to me. You were my best friend, my support and everything and I left you, just like my dad left me. And then I became this coldblooded thing that had no feelings towards anyone. Nothing until…” He laughs suddenly, face hidden away his hands.

“Until what?” Liam croaks out. His heart is sitting in his throat again, unmoving.

“You, you idiot. Until you.” Zayn says desperately. “I was okay with being bitchy and heartless, but as soon as you came into the view, being a blushing mess with an apology on his tongue all the time and looking like a kicked puppy every time I said something.”

“Is that a wrong thing?” Liam asks.

“Yes. Because you make me feel, and feel guilty and weak. I don’t like that. It hurts like a bitch when I let someone in and that someone breaks me.” Zayn finishes softly.

“You’re insulting me for being good?” Liam huffs out a laugh, shaking his head.

“Yes. Fucking Wonderboy.” Zayn spits out, but his lips twitch up in a smile.

Liam’s heart flutters at the sight.

“I know it’s more than late to go back to how we were when we were kids, but I want to be your friend, for the sake of everyone. I don’t want us to spend the rest of our lives hating each other.” Liam says.

Zayn groans. “I don’t hate you Liam. That’s the problem, I can’t hate you.” He says. “I hate that I can’t hate you.”

Liam sighs. “Believe me, I know.”

They’re silent for a minute before Zayn speaks up again.

“It seems I have been injured. We should play doctor.” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, gesturing to the bandage in his head.

Liam moans. “Not what friends do.” He chides.

“Who told you I wanna be friends?” Zayn scoffs.

“Zayn.”

“My head hurts.”

“So does a tooth with a hole in it.” Liam teases and Zayn nudges his playfully. “

Wonderboy.”

Liam grins. “Friends, then?” He asks softly.

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Fine. Are you gonna be all over the news about it now?”

“No.” Liam scoffs. “You’re a bad company. I don’t want so many people to know.” He says, non-convincingly. “And let’s get you home so you can sleep this off.”

He gets up, pulling Zayn up with him. They leave the park behind and take a familiar path home.

“Are we gonna play doctor when we get home, then?” Zayn can’t help but ask, so it seems.

“I’m already regretting this.”

“Good point, young Liam. And Is that a no?”

“It’s a no.”

“You’re no fun.” Zayn throws at him but there's a different glow in his eyes and sticky smile playing on his lips that matches Liam's.

Chapter Text

And here I was, thinking that you were one of those things that go away quickly. You didn’t, though. You still don’t.

You’re like the scar that doesn’t heal, even though I try my best to forget it ever existed. Like a silent lullaby in the middle of the night when I’m trying to fight off the sleep and the memories that haunt my dreams. Like the thick cigarette smoke that floods my lungs when I inhale too much of it, unwillingly. Even the slightest idea of you burns and hurts me until you completely haunt every corner of my memory. Until I miss the feeling of being numb, because you’re too much to handle.

I want to forget the silent touches of lips, or the burning desire that calloused fingers left underneath the thin layer of nervous sweat on my skin. I want to forget the unwelcomed emotions underneath your eyelids, behind the blaze of fire.

I need to forget you, because how am I supposed to survive not having you if I don’t?

I wish I could feel calm, but it doesn’t come. I guess I’m just not one of the lucky ones.

“Leeyum!” Safaa chirps as soon as he enters the kitchen. He giggles immediately, not being able to resist her charms and he bows down to pick her up.

Liam was awakened by a sharp pain in his head. But that’s probably normal after a night of excessive drinking. It was a boys’ night in, the ones that are kept as tradition ever since they were too young to know what it meant. As expected, over the years the toys and the movies were replaced with bottles of cheap vodka and beer that Niall managed to sneak in past their parents and silly drinking games that Louis insisted on playing and the others were already too used to them to say no.

Liam never liked them, as a kid, but over the years it became too much of a fun to watch Louis get pissed of his ass and talk shit, while Niall laughed at him while hiccupping drunkenly and Harry sleeping tucked into Liam’s side, treating him like a pillow of some sort. The only difference was that now Zayn was there with them, tucked into Liam’s other side, smirking proudly as his partner in crime, as he calls Louis, tried to keep it quiet so he doesn’t wake his mom and failing miserably.

He’s not sure if it’s gotten easier or harder to be this close to Zayn, but he’s sure that has gotten used to it to the point where he couldn’t imagine it being different. He fits so perfectly into their little dysfunctional group that surprises Liam at no ends, but grounds him as well.

The way he can sit calmly and listen to Harry as he talks slowly, falling over his own words, about art and music he dreams of making some day. The way Niall clings for dear life to every high note Zayn manages to get out as he soothes the sudden little noises that escape Niall’s guitar with it. The way he can fucking tolerate the way Louis constantly rambles about Harry and football and some musicians that nobody but him knows about. The way he never complains when he drags him into something stupid, but laughs at the consequences along with Louis.

It’s nonsense. It baffles Liam every day.

He’s amazed the way he’s so careful around Liam, non-like the way he was a few months ago in Greece. He gives him these uncertain looks, like he’s afraid of how Liam might react. He shuffles close to him every time he has the chance, but waits for Liam to curl an arm around him and pulls him closer until he finally melts next to him and fits perfectly at his side.

And Liam does it, not thinking about it anymore. Because this seems much easier than talking about it, even though he knows he should and even if he knows that Zayn wants it, too from these little, but piercing looks he gives Liam every now and then. But he can’t. It’s better this way, more safe.

“Wow, you’re getting too big for this.” He teases Safaa as she curls to him naturally, but she only rolls her eyes in return.

“That’s what I say, but Lou says you are Muscles for a reason and that you’ll always be able to carry me around.” She says graciously and grins when Liam eyes roll so hard he sees his brain.

The effect Louis has on her was expected.

“You need to spend less time with Louis.” He tells her halfheartedly, lips twitching in a smile helplessly. “He’s a bad influence.”

“No he’s not.” She retorts defiantly. “He calls me princess and says I should be treated as one and that no one has the right to say anything about that.”

He can’t help but giggle at her face. Chin tilted upward, lips pursed and a challenge in her eyes. So Louis-like.

Liam hums in approval. “You are indeed, but he’s only trying to make his own dreams come true through you.” He says as he carries her into the kitchen.

“Lou wanted to be a princess?” She says, fighting of a giggle.

Liam grins and nods. “Never succeeded, though. Not as gracious or pretty as you, I’m afraid.” He says and she beams at him happily. “C’mon, then. You alone here?”

She shakes her head. “Momma’s here with auntie Karen. Their drinking coffee and chatting.” Liam nods.

“Let’s go and see then. I smell pancakes.” He grins and she nods excitedly.

“Momma and I made some and we brought over.”

“Well, I must try those, then.” He says earning a smooching kiss on the cheek from her that makes his heart warm up.

As they enter the kitchen, he’s senses pick up on the familiar scent of his mom’s cooking and his stomach churns in interest. It’s mixed with a strong scent of sweet dough and vanilla, probably from the pancakes that are laid out on a plate on the kitchen table. He flushes a bit when his stomach shows more interest and the sound makes his mom and Trisha turn around and grin at him where they’re sitting at the kitchen table, slowly sipping their coffee.

“Morning.” He says as he puts Safaa down on the ground. She rushes over to sit on a chair as he comes over to kiss his mom and Trisha on the cheek to greet them properly.

“Have you slept well, love?” His mom asks. There’s a bit of blush to her round cheeks and her hair his pulled up messily into a ponytail, making her look younger and slightly childish.

He nods, slipping into a chair next to Safaa, eyeing the pancakes.

“These look so tasty.” He admits.

“Give them a try.” Trisha says. “Saf and I made them this morning at we thought you wanted some as well, after last night, so we brought them.” She says, teasing tone in her voice and the same look in her eyes.

He takes one and he closes his eyes on the first bite, making an approving sound.

“So good.”

“How was your night?” His mom asks.

He swallows before speaking. “Good. As usual. Movies and stuff.”

“How are the boys?”

“Great. Louis might be a bit hungover this morning, but he’ll survive.” Liam shrugs and both of them laugh, because they now Louis too well to think he was eating popcorn and pizza all night, or watching the television patiently.

“I’m glad my Zayn has been blending in so well with you guys.” Trisha admits. “I like the fact that he’s with the four of you, more than the fact that he would usually end up with bad kids like before.”

“Yeah, we’re getting along.” Liam retorts. “But that’s because of you. He always speaks the best of you, Liam.” Trisha smiles and Liam nods, only blushing slightly as a response. He can’t quite believe this, to be honest. Zayn has always made fun of him for being good and honest.

“They spend a lot of time together, it’s not a surprise.” His mom says. “I mean. They’re obviously inseparable.”

Liam catches something in her voice just in time for her to wink at Trisha and for the other woman to return the gesture.

“Um…” Liam starts, unsure. “Where is this conversation going?” He asks.

The matching grins he receives make him blush from his head to his toes.

“Come on, love. You think we didn’t catch on of what’s going on between you two?” Karen asks.

Liam’s brow furrows in confusion, before the realization hits him.

“There is nothing going on in there. Like, no.” He knows that he probably looks like a deer caught in the highlights, eyes wide and ready to die. From embarrassment, in his case. “A big, giant no.” Liam insists, shaking his head.

“Oh, come on. You don’t have to hide it anymore, Li. I’m okay with the idea of you liking boys.” Karen says and Liam sighs heavily.

“Mom.” He runs a hand over his face. “I… Okay, I might like boys, too, but Zayn?” He looks at Trisha. “I’m sorry, but never in a million years.” He says defiantly.

They don’t look much convinced, even at this state. If anything, they look sure that they were right and Liam tries not to choke on his own spit.

“You’re going to try and convince us that you and Zayn haven’t got anything but a friend thing going on?” Trisha says. “Because Zayn doesn’t try to hide half as good as you, but he manages to do it better. Everything is completely clear to us, though. We’re your mothers, Liam and we deserve to know.”

Liam groans frustratingly. “Why are you torturing me?” He asks lowly, earning a giggle from everyone. He can’t believe he’s been this obvious about Zayn.

“You can hide anything but love, my dear. It’s so evident that you just can’t.” Karen sing-songs while Safaa crawls into Liam’s lap, prying his hands away from his flushing face.

“You like Zee!” She exclaims and when he shakes his head immediately, she gives him the familiar knowing smirk that has Louis’ signature on it. “When we mention him you blush like Waliyha when she talks about Johnny from her class and like Doniya when Andy comes over.” She insists. “And you always cuddle him and he lets you touch his old comic book stash, even if no one else is allowed. And he shares his favorite ice cream with you and wears your clothes!” Liam blushes at that one, eyes wide at what she’s saying because how did she manage to see all of those things when even Liam didn’t. “If that doesn’t mean that you love each other and that you’re boyfriends, I don’t know what does.” Liam shakes his head unbelievingly as the two women in front of him giggle proudly at Safaa.

“It means you’re not getting any more of those sweets I sneak in for you before dinners on Saturdays.” He frets.

“That’s a yes, folks.” She says and bows slightly. Seriously, who is this kid?

“It’s a no.” He retorts and starts tickling her furiously and peppering kisses all over her face before settling her into her chair and getting up. “I’m going outside.” He exclaims.

“Run away all you want, but we’re onto you.” Trisha shouts after him.

Before he’s out the door, he turns around to yell something that would have Louis at his feet, proud. “Stop talking all they long and go to your kitchen and cook something, women!” He hears a squeal from all of them and then a laugh because they know that he’d never mean it that way.

He grins and runs out before they throw more questions at him.

Liam wonders the streets for a good while, thinking about what happened earlier. There are a million questions in his head all similar to the other, all asking how the hell hasn’t he managed to keep his thoughts and feelings about Zayn to himself. How did he manage to reveal so many things to Safaa, who’s still too young to notice them properly, without noticing it himself?

He walks through the park and through the familiar streets, until they take him back on the same place that he came from. Only, before his own, Zayn’s house is the first that comes into the view and in a split of a second, he decides that solving a problem requires affronting him first.

Before he knows, he passes over the lawn, climbs up the small set of stairs that lead up to the door and knocks on them impatiently.

He’s standing there and that’s when he feels the nerves kicking in for the first time. He thinks of turning around and running away, like he always does, but he still stands his ground, unmoving. He’s not expecting anything to happen, but he still needs to find out what the hell has been going on with him, that made everyone else think that he and Zayn were having something above friendship.

He’s interrupted in his thoughts revealing Doniya on the other side.

“Li!” She chirps, immediately pulling him inside and into a hug.

She’s dressed up, a beautiful raven dress hugging her body perfectly, hair pulled into a messy bun, her makeup perfect as always.

“Hey, babe.” He smiles against her neck, bathing in the scent of her perfume mixed with a distant smell of orange spiced tea that she drinks in the mornings.

“What brings you here?” Doniya asks as she leads him through the foyer and into the living room.

“Um…” He starts, unsure of what he’s about to say. “I was just walking around and… I just… I thought…” She smiles knowingly and Liam cringes a bit, not understanding where it comes from.

“You’re looking for Zayn.” She says and oh. Oh, no. Not her, as well.

“I wasn’t specifically…” He starts defending himself, but Doniya shakes her head, interrupting him.

“Oh, cut it. We both know that you’re here to see him, babe. I won’t say a thing.” She winks and Liam just stares at her wide-eyed. “Look,” she starts. “I’ve got to go. Have a date with Andy in, like, 5 minutes ago, shit.” She looks at her watch, cursing. “Look, you know where everything is in the house, help yourself if you need something. Zayn’s in the shower, but he should be out soon.” She rambles, already walking over to the door. “If ya want, go upstairs and give him a surprise.” She winks and Liam is sure his eyes are going to fall out if he widens the more, but what the hell is happening? “I’ve gotta run! Have fun!” She sing-songs and gives him a grin before stumbling out and slamming the door behind herself, leaving a dumbfolded Liam by himself.

He spends the next few minutes gaping at the wall, feeling more confused than when he stepped into this house. It’s like all of the girls were talking about this and agreed to torture him. He rolls his eyes. Not excluded.

But, Doniya was right. He knows where everything is in this house and he doesn’t want to wait alone in the living room when he knows that Zayn probably won’t even come down when he’s done showering.

Liam sighs heavily before getting up and he goes straight to the stairs, climbing up.

Zayn’s room looks the same, like always. Red walls splashed with golden and black spurts, as Zayn was the one who painted it, along with Liam and Harry. He wanted an artsy look, or summat.

“Something that keeps me calm and at home when I study or write and something that gives me fire and expands my inspiration when I draw and paint.” He remembers Zayn explaining.

Two of those walls, including the one next to Zayn’s bed, are almost completely covered with pages ripped from a familiar notebook. Sketches that he knows so well, because he’s spend hours and hours looking at them, or even watching as they were made by skilful hands and smudging fingers.

Under the bed are two boxes, one that contains all of the other drawings and paintings that Zayn doesn’t consider worthy enough of putting up, even when Liam never grew tired of saying amazing and incredible and you’re crazy mate and put it up. He never got tired of tracing his fingers carefully over them, like he was afraid he might destroy them.

The other one contains all the old comic books that Zayn spent years collecting. The ones he never shows to anyone, but he still let Liam take them out and go through them, smirking at every sound of excitement and admiration that Liam let out, not paying attention.

Liam smiles at the memory and walks slowly over to the large computer desk next to the bed. It’s crowded with pencils and sharpies and tons of books that are probably not for school, because that’s another passion Zayn has. What catches the most of his attention, though are the drawings that are scattered carelessly over it. He takes a few of them in his hands before giving them a look.

These are new, he can tell, because he’s sure he’s seen almost all of the old ones. Zayn kept telling him that he didn’t have to act like he liked them, but Liam just shook his head and called him stupid before going back to looking at the stubbornly.

They’re all familiar places. The first one is a sketch of Louis and Harry in the park near the school. They’re so lost into each other, eyes locked and bodies leaning towards each other. It’s such a intimate moment so well captured that Liam feels like he is intruding on something.

The second one is a drawing of Niall, on a pitch. His muscles are strained with effort and the concentration evident on his face as he swings towards the ball. The light hair is ruffled by the wind or nervous hands running through it to will away the sweat. He looks like he belongs there, like he owns the field.

The next one makes his breath hitch. His heart jumps into his throat and Liam tries to swallow it back down, but it doesn’t move.

It’s him.

It’s also a familiar place, even though he sometimes wishes it wasn’t. His feet are hidden away under the layers of water and wet sand. Droplets of cold water running down his naked torso. Every muscle is perfectly defined with a skillful pencil, strained. The movement is perfectly captured, like on the other ones, if not better. He’s getting out of the water. Soft, damp strands of his hair lit by the sun slotted over his forehead. His arms limp against his sides as he’s breathing in the salty, hot air. Liam can almost feel it. The way he leaned his head back and tries to calm his breathing after diving for so long. The blue shorts hang low on his waist, giving away a hint of hair that goes low and disappears behind the material. His lips are slick, plump and wide opened and his eyes crinkle in the ends as he soaks in everything. The sun, the slow, but restless wind, the air and the smell of sea. The water crawls down his body tickling his skin, but he doesn’t brush it away.

The drawing seems to be taken from a familiar rock and he can almost imagine Zayn sitting crossed-legged with a notebook in his hands, balanced on his knees and a pencil tracing his mouth. His neck craned in some awkward angle as he watches and makes a sketch in his mind, first. Brow furrowed and silky tongue at the back of his teeth as he concentrates on the object of his drawing. On Liam.

He’s so lost in it, that he doesn’t hear the door slide open or someone come into the room until Zayn shuts the door with a thump, making Liam jump a little.

“Will you explain what are you doing here and why are you going through my stuff?” He asks.

He’s leaning against the now closed door. His tattooed torso is completely naked, in fact, all of his body is, except of the towel that hangs loosely off his hips, covering the most important fact. The quiff is gone and replaced by damp raven strands hanging loosely, even getting into his eyes. His arms are crossed over his chest, hiding a few tattoos that Liam knows very well and he remembers the exact places where they are. His eyes are filled with some emotions that Liam can’t really wrap his mind about and he’s biting his lips cherry-red, like he’s fighting the words to make them stay unsaid.

“Do you mind?” Is the first thing Liam says, slowly getting up, but not moving further.

It takes a beat for Zayn to shake his head.

“No.” He shrugs.

Liam sighs. “I found these.” He gestures to the drawings. “I wanted to have a look and…” He cuts himself short, not really sure how to continue.

“Out with it, Liam.” Zayn orders impatiently.

“I wondered about this one.” He lifts the drawing of himself, trying to stop his hands from shaking.

Zayn cocks his head to the side, eyeing it intently.

“I think it needs more details.” He says, coming up to Liam and he takes it from his hands, looking at it closely.

Liam shakes his head. “How… When did you make it?” He stutters out.

“When we were in Greece, obviously.”

“Why?” Liam has to ask.

Zayn doesn’t lift his head as he speaks. “I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I was just sitting there, rolling my eyes to every move you made in the water, from jealousy, I guess.” It’s hard to admit this, Liam can see, but Zayn doesn’t stop and Liam doesn’t stop him. “You looked so natural and calm, like you belonged there. It was like the water was a part of you, or summat. You looked free and with no problem in the world. It looked like the water welcomed you, hugged you and gave you everything you needed. Not like in my case, where I wanted to scream every time I got near of it.”

He puts his weight on the other leg and Liam watches the way his hipbones shift above the material of the towel. Oh, right. He’s naked under that.

It’s like that is the first time Liam really notices. He tries to fight of the blush on his cheeks, but he feels it creeping up his neck to his cheeks and when he lifts his eyes to meet Zayn’s, he sees a familiar smirk playing on those lips and he knows that Zayn noticed him staring. That only intensifies the blush, but he tries to cover it up when Zayn speaks up again, eyes on the drawing one more time.

“And every time you get out of the water, you just don’t seem to shake it all off. And that’s what I drew. The way it still clings to you, even when you’re walking away. The way you bathe in the sunlight.” He smiles suddenly. “An angel bathing in sin.” He says, voice thick, tracing the part where Liam’s shorts hang loose on his hips with his forefinger and then up his torso, stopping at his lips. Liam cheeks feel on fire. “Mesmerizing, really.” And Liam’s heart skips a beat.

“Beautiful, Liam.” Zayn says, finally taking his eyes off the drawing and looking up into Liam’s eyes. He moves a bit closer to him, lifting his hand and making Liam suck in a harsh breath at the first touch. “And it’s like you don’t even see it.” He whispers as his hands trace Liam’s cheek slowly, then the corners of his eyes. They go down, slowly over his nose, stopping at the bitten bottom lip. “Amazing.” He whispers just loud enough that Liam can catch it before he looks up into his eyes.

It takes everything in Liam’s power to find the will to breathe again and not choke on his heart that still sits in his throat, unmoving. It’s like every nerve in his body has a pinpoint on the spot where Zayn is touching him and he can feel it throughout his whole body.

It takes everything in his power not to pull him closer and kiss him right then and there. Instead of that, he lets himself blush one last time in the wake of Zayn’s smirk and a small smile playing on his lips before he smiles helplessly, pulls back and leaves the room.

And Zayn lets him, because he knows that Liam’s making the right decision. And Liam is sure that Zayn doesn’t want him like that.

That night, when he locks himself into his room, finally alone and resting in his bed is when he truly gets it.

He remembers that even when they fought like the greatest enemies and when he was sure that he hated him the most, Zayn has always left him breathless.

When he sang the silliest song lyrics and the ones the ripped your soul open, when he refused to dance because he thought he wasn’t good enough and when he moved his hips expertly to the beat. When he read silly books and got lost in his comic books, or when he’d draw things in that notebook until his fingers felt numb. When he fought for what he believed in, or teased Liam or touch him to the point where he felt he was on fire, but floating in something he’s never known before.

Zayn left him speechless every time. Speechless and amazed.

Dizzy.

It’s right then that it hits him how in love he is with this boy. No matter how much he fought it, Zayn still crawled deep under his skin and it’s too late for Liam to kick him out.

And he’s sure that Zayn knows it. He feels it every time Zayn gives him a knowing look, or touches him carefully. Every time he whispers softly, carefully to him. He’s sure that he knows.

But Zayn doesn’t feel the same way and Liam can’t do anything about it.

Zayn has made it clear, from the day one that he and Liam are never going to be more than what they are now and even this is for the sake of everyone else.

What bothers Liam is that sometimes, only sometimes, he thinks that Zayn might feel the same. But he never does anything to prove it. He always teases Liam, never lets him quite forget what happened between them, but he never takes it further. And that might be Liam’s mistake, because he insisted on a friendship, but he’ll never know now.

It’s a constant pang of pain in Liam’s chest, the fact that he’ll never get to experience Greece all over again, that first kiss, or that first touch of their bodies between the sheets.

But it is the way it is and he’ll have to live with it. He’s never been one of the lucky ones, anyway.

He falls asleep, dreaming about amber eyes and a familiar smirk on cherry-red lips.

The next day, he finds Sophia kissing some guy behind the school.

They both pull back at the sound of him approaching and Sophia flinches away from the guy like he burned her.

“Baby!” He calls after Liam, running towards him, but he’s already backing away. “I wanted to talk to you, baby. We need each other. I…” Liam turns around and walks away after waving a hand dismissively at her. “Liam! This was nothing.” She shouts after him. “I want you back. Come back! Liam!”

Liam shakes his head in return and just goes inside of the building, not able to contain a laugh full of sarcasm that bubbles inside of him.

He wishes her the best, honestly. He hopes she will grow a brain and a heart soon, or she’ll end up all alone in the end, like she deserves.

“Liam!” He hears a voice shout.

It’s Louis, of course, since the sound is still ringing in his ears. He’s waving for him to come over where he’s waiting with Harry and Niall at the end of the hall.

He starts walking but someone bumps into him hard, but helps him recover his balance with a careful hand, surprising him.

“Coming, Wonderboy?” Zayn teases playfully and winks at him before he takes off in the same direction, satisfied grin plastered on his face, leaving Liam to follow.

Liam sighs heavily and shakes his head fondly before he smiles helplessly and finally follows to where he knows that electric personality, music, raspy, calming voice and piercing amber eyes will await.

Chapter Text

No matter how hard I struggle to bite my tongue and will away the words that fret to leave my mouth, I still can’t fight the way they pile up in my head, or the way they torture me.

They spill out, in the end. And the way your eyes glow once they do, I don’t think I mind anymore.

Maybe I am one of the lucky ones, despite what I hoped.

Liam can’t remember the time that one of Louis’ ideas, put into motion, led to something good happening in the end, but that’s probably because it almost never happens.

That’s why, tonight, Liam is just waiting for that tiny string of luck to break and hell to break loose around them.

They’re in another nameless club where Louis’ dragged them, saying that it’s been too damn long since they hung out like this and that they were all in terrible need of getting drunk. Liam thinks he used that same phrase every weekend since they were barely sixteen. But well, no one can say no to Louis, because the consequences are worse than being hungover or getting alcohol poisoning.

Crowded against the bar, Liam can only see an outline of Louis and Harry and he blames it on the lights, the vibrating crowd blocking his view. But he knows it’s them, knows their body language too well for his own liking. He knows that they’re crowded close, moving against the other bodies surrounding them, hips moving in unison, shamelessly.

Liam shakes his head to will away the picture in his head. He takes another sip of his beer, welcoming the sour taste. It’s his fifth, no, seventh. Whatever, he lost count a while ago, right somewhere between the third shot and Zayn’s throat muscles contracting as he swallowed as well. All while his eyes were locked with Liam’s.

Oh, wait. They barely left Liam’s, ever since they came in here.

It’s like something’s different tonight and Liam can’t wrap his mind around it. But he blames that on the alcohol. Or the self preservation, he’s not sure.

The only thing he does know, the only thing that he feels is that the room temperature is wrong, unwelcoming on his skin. There’s cold sweat forming at the nape of his neck and he’s barely moved from the bar, choosing to stay away as far as he can. The bass beats along with his heart, high in his throat. He feels uncomfortable and choked on the air. Too much alcohol running through his body, the strong scent of cigarette smoke hanging in the air. Too much people singing along to whatever comes out of the speakers. He can’t even hear what he’s thinking.

And even the amount of alcohol in his system doesn’t help the way he slightly trembles whenever he looks Zayn’s way.

He’s dancing with some guy. The man is much older than him, shoulders wider and he stands a few inches taller. He’s got his hand on Zayn’s hips, pulling their bodies flush together as they grind together. There’s sweat forming on his forehead and Liam can see him gasp every time that Zayn moves his hips with more confidence. It’s driving him insane, just like Liam.

There’s that pang of jealousy deep in his chest, because he wants, craves that himself.

“You okay buddy?” Niall says and claps him on the back.

If it weren’t for Niall, Liam thinks he’d go insane. He’s been hanging around him all night, close to let him know that he’s still alive. Reminding him to breathe every time his breath hitches.

Liam only nods in response, not able to look away from Zayn and the guy. He can’t.

He hears Niall sigh loudly, over the loud music, but he doesn’t react.

Dizzy, is what he feels like. And he can’t shake it off.

He doesn’t realize the others approaching until there’s much less space at the bar and Louis’ voice brings him back from his daze.

“Liam! You don’t look drunk enough.” Louis points out.

Oh, really? Liam thinks. “I’m trying.” He says, gesturing to his beer.

“You okay?” Harry crowds close to him, blocking his view towards Zayn. Maybe it’s for the best, actually.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” He snaps suddenly, but he gets an eye roll from everyone.

“Oh, please.” Louis mocks. “You can’t hide this to save your life and you still think the we hadn’t realized what’s been going on.”

“What’s been going on?” He asks, surprised by Louis’ bluntness.

“Zayn.” Harry says, a grin plastered across his face.

Liam groans loudly, hiding his face in his hands. This can’t be happening.

“Our Payner is in love.” Louis sing-songs causing Niall and Harry to chuckle and Liam to groan again, shaking his head violently.

“No. Definitely not.” He tries, but the blush on his cheeks must scream otherwise, because the others only sigh in response.

He really is a shit liar and he has to admit it to himself. If he hasn’t been able to keep this a secret from everyone else, Zayn knows for sure.

Of course he does. That’s why he’s been practically sitting on Liam’s head all the time. That’s why he’s been torturing him for days now, always sitting too close, touching with purpose. That’s why he’s making Liam’s life a living hell tonight, because he doesn’t give a shit about how Liam feels and he enjoys seeing him suffer.

“Whatever.” He tells them. “It’ll pass. It’s not like he feels the same.”

Everyone groans at that and Liam wants to punch each one of them for even bringing this up. This was the last thing that he needed now.

“You just don’t see it, do you?” Niall asks, wide-eyed. He turns to the others. “He has no idea.” He says.

“About what?” Liam snaps, brow furrowed in confusion and annoyance.

Niall only shakes his head, defeated. “Forget it, Payno. Another round?” He asks and doesn’t wait for an actual response before turning around to shout his order.

Liam rolls his eyes, because he has a feeling that he doesn’t really want to know what Niall meant with it. He feels much safer with not knowing. If he knew, there probably wouldn’t be enough alcohol in the bar to make him forget it. He doesn’t need to be told that all Zayn wants is to fuck with his head and to make him lose his mind. He doesn’t need to know that, tonight, again, he’ll go home and want Zayn right next to him in his bed. He doesn’t want to know that the room will faintly smell of citrus shampoo and silly expensive cologne that Zayn uses, because he was there, hours before Louis picked them all up.

He needs to breathe and no one is letting him do that.

Out of corner of his eye, he sees his body shift and he turns to look, despite the need to make the boys think otherwise.

Zayn’s has turned around so he’s facing the guy. They’re so close, is what hits Liam first. Too close. The guy has his arms around Zayn, pulling him flush against his body. Zayn has his hands against the guy’s chest, probably trying to put some distance between their bodies. Then, suddenly he turns, looking Liam straight in the eyes, just when the guy leans down and grazes his teeth against Zayn’s neck. Liam’s chest clenches with the possibility of him leaving a mark. There’s that stupid smirk, playing on Zayn’s lips and his eyes are lidded with something that makes Liam’s mind go somewhere between the dirty sheets covered with sweat and a room filled with pants and filthy moans, in a familiar hotel in Greece.

“Oh, Liam.” Louis sighs, sliding a hand around his neck and pulling him closer. Liam sighs into the comforting touch, willing himself to breathe.

The guy pulls him even closer, making Zayn look away before he whispers something in his ear, lips grazing the shell of it with the tiniest hint of tongue. Zayn pulls away, shaking his head, but the guy only smirks, before pulling hard on his hand. You can see the way Zayn’s fights for a moment but he catches Liam’s eyes with his own once again, before he shakes his head, defeated and goes with the guy.

As they slide through the opened door, the guy practically dragging Zayn along, that’s when Liam finally snaps. He pushes away from the bar and storms after them.

He can hear the others calling his name and running after him, but he doesn’t turn around to see.

As soon as he is out, the cold air washes over him immediately, making him cringe, but he can’t thinks about that when he’s trying to find him.

“No, let me go!” He hears Zayn shout and he snaps his head so fast to where the voice is coming from that he almost breaks his neck.

The guy’s got a good grip on Zayn’s arm, looking impatient and annoyed.

“Kid. You said that…” The guy starts, but Zayn interrupts him.

“No.” Zayn says firmly, pulling away from the man.

Liam acts before he even realizes it.

“Hey!” He shouts as he jogs up to them.

Zayn looks like a deer caught in the headlights. His eyes are wide opened, brow furrowed in astonishment and mouth opened.

“What are you doing?” Liam asks once he’s in front of them.

Zayn laughs. “What do you think I’m doing, Liam?” He snaps.

“Don’t.” Liam pleads, all defenses crumbling down.

Zayn shakes his head, staring at the ground. “You gonna give me a reason not to?” He lifts his head then, challenging look in his eyes. Liam only swallows thickly, surprised with the question. “That’s what I thought.”

“Are you coming with me, or not?” The guy turns to Zayn. “I don’t have that much time.” Liam glares at him, but doesn’t say anything, waiting for Zayn’s response.

It comes, far from what he was wishing for.

“Yeah.” Zayn says, looking at Liam disappointedly. “Let’s go.”

They both turn around, the guy with a pride smirk on his face and Zayn with an unreadable expression on his face. Something, jealousy or fear, makes him act then. Liam reaches out and grabs Zayn’s hand, pulling him back.

“Zayn.”

“What, Liam?” Zayn turns around and snaps at him and the guy groans.

“Don’t go with him.” Liam tries again. “I…”

“Yeah, stay here with your little boyfriend.” The guy throws in and Zayn turns at him.

“Nobody asked you anything.” He snaps.

The guy laughs like it’s the funniest thing in the world. “I knew you were just a lousy little bitch.” He mocks. Zayn only rolls his eyes, not offended at all, but Liam.

Before he can realizes what he’s doing, the anger that bubbles inside of him makes him throw the first punch. His fist connects perfectly with the guy’s nose, sending him a few meters back. He screams in pain and Zayn stands still with shock, not moving a muscle for a moment that Liam uses to get close to the guy again and punches him even harder with his knee on the side, sending the man to the ground.

He would go for another blow if it weren’t for the two sets of hands pulling him back and Louis yelling at him.

“Liam! Fucking stop!” He shouts, but he keeps struggling. He wants to get this rage out of his system.

“Liam.” That’s Zayn.

He stops struggling, staying completely still as Harry runs towards the man, checking if he’s alright and Niall joining him after a beat. Louis still has a good grip on Liam and Liam doesn’t think that Louis realizes that he does, high on adrenaline.

Zayn is right in front of him, shouting something at him that Liam doesn’t even listen to. His head is buzzing with something unfamiliar, unsettled.

He barely registers Louis telling him to go home and handing him the keys to his car before promising to take care of everything, before he reacts.

He feels his blood slowing down in his veins, the ringing in his head quieting and that’s enough for now. He grabs Zayn’s hand, despite the other’s protests and drags him towards the car. Liam doesn’t let go even when Zayn tries to fight him. He only opens the door and pushes Zayn into the car before climbing in after him.

He tries his best to ignore Zayn and his shouted words all the way home.

Liam pulls over in front of his house, getting out of the car immediately. The only thing he wants right now is to crawl into his bed and forget all of this happened. He doesn’t turn around to object when Zayn follows after him, finally quiet so he doesn’t wake anyone in the neighborhood. Liam doesn’t care, honestly.

The house is empty, because his mother chose to spend the night over at Trisha’s so all the guys could sleep over at Liam’s,

They walk fast, ridden by anger and soon enough, Liam storms into his room and Zayn follows him inside, closing the door after him.

“What is wrong with you?” Zayn hisses out. Liam’s stays quiet, going over to the window and leaning against it. He feels that nervous energy washing over him again, that cold, unwelcoming sweat. He wants to crawl under the duvet and will it away with sleep. But Zayn is having none of that, apparently.

“You can’t just beat up people!” Zayn continues. “I don’t know what the hell has gotten into your stupid head. You’re such a superhero, Wonderboy.” He spits. “Always trying to save the world, but guess what? I didn’t need saving. I was perfectly fine handling everything by myself. You had no right to intervene. I had everything under control.” He takes a deep breath. “And what’s it to you, ha?” Zayn asks. “Why would you fucking care if I went home with that guy?” Liam squeezes his eyes shut to prevent himself from reacting. “Why do you care if I fuck a stranger? You obviously don’t, since I asked you and you didn’t give me one fucking reason not to.” You have no idea, Liam thinks. “So why?” Zayn asks, and Liam says nothing.

That’s when Zayn really shouts. “Fucking react to me, Liam!” He orders. “Tell me why you…”

He can take this anymore. This whole night was practically leading up to this, when he thinks. Zayn was provoking him all night, trying to break him and this is when he does break. He breaks all of those walls in his head, turns around and storms up to Zayn.

Before he can get another word, another insult out, Liam pushes him back, crowds him against the wall and crashes their lips together.

It’s a hungry kiss, bruising. He uses Zayn’s gasp of surprise to sneak his tongue in his mouth, taking over the control. He slots their bodies together, pinning Zayn completely against the wall. He ravishes his mouth with a skilful tongue, groaning and pulling back to bite and his bottom lip as Zayn slips his hands into his hair and finally kisses back.

It’s crazy, frantic. Their lips moving together, teeth tugging and biting. Tongues fighting for dominance in a battle they’re both going to lose in the end. The bruising force and a pace that has Liam slumping against Zayn body. He fits a leg between Zayn’s and the other boy instantly grinds against it, causing Liam to moan into his mouth helplessly.

He pulls back for air in the end, afraid that he might faint somewhere between the slip of Zayn’s tongue against his lower lip and the unsteady beat of his heart in his chest. And it’s quiet, for a couple of minutes. Their foreheads leaned together, noses touching as they share each other’s air.

It’s when their breathing is less forced and more even and when Liam’s about to lean back in for another taste, because he’ll never get enough, that Zayn speaks up.

“What happened with being friends?” He asks cheekily, smiling helplessly at Liam.

Liam groans, right against his mouth, causing Zayn to chuckle amusedly.

“Nothing with you is ever that easy.” He chides before kissing him again, shutting out the other noises that threaten to come out before it’s time.

This kiss is languid, firm. Zayn is kissing him back with confidence and passion that makes every fiber of Liam’s skin catch on fire. But he feels more calm then he had felt for days. Months, actually. This kiss has a purpose, and Liam can feel it in the way Zayn kisses, in the way familiar hands angle his head for a better angle, to deepen the kiss. He feels it in the way Zayn grinds slowly, but purposely against him, fitting the most delicious sounds into his mouth.

“Liam.” Zayn stutters when Liam pulls back from the kiss, only to lean in again, peppering kisses against Zayn’s neck. He intensifies the hold that he has on Zayn’s hips, trying to tell him what he wants with actions, instead of words. He was never good with words. That would be Zayn. Liam uses his hands, his mouth and all of his body to show him what he wants. But as always, Zayn needs confirmation. “Tell me.” He orders huskily against the shell of Liam’s ear, causing him to moan and shiver in anticipation. “

Bed.” He begs. “Take me to bed, Zayn.”

Zayn laughs breathlessly against his cheek. “Finally.” He whispers against his lips before he drags Liam into another bruising kiss and pushes him back towards the bed, never breaking the contact.

Liam expects it to be rushed, done in a couple of minutes, from the way he wants it so much. And he can see that Zayn wants it just as much as him.

It’s everything but rushed.

It’s slow and needy. They fumble at first, to take away the clothes that separate them. But then they take their time, kissing and touching until Liam’s sure he has every inch of Zayn’s skin memorized in his mind, on his own skin. They kiss for so long, that Liam gets drunk on Zayn’s swollen lips and the slow glide of his body against Liam’s. Until everything in his head becomes a mantra of ZaynZaynZaynZayn and more. Until he feels like he’s going to burst with this feeling of want inside of him. Until Zayn grinds their cocks together, slow and purposeful, to show him he is into this just as much as Liam.

When Zayn pulls back only to take time sucking tiny bruises against his neck and collarbones, ravishing every new patch of skin with his mouth, Liam loses it. He knows it’s lame, but if they don’t take this further, he’s going to come just from this and he wants so much more. He can’t wrap his mind around it.

“Zayn.” He grits out, but Zayn only hums in response, moving down to his chest and to his nipples. He doesn’t wait for a response before he closes his mouth over one of them and sucks and bites at it until it hardens between his lips and Liam moans, helplessly. “Come on. I need…”

“What?” Zayn asks, voice not as choked as Liam’s, but just enough not to sound like he usually does. “Tell me what you need.” He grins against Liam’s chest, sucking another bruise. He has a thing for them, Liam can tell.

“You.” Liam says simply, hoping that Zayn will catch onto it.

“You need me to what?” Dammit.

It’s been a long time coming and now when he finally has a chance to have this, Liam is not going to back out. Even if he’s nervous as hell and his heart is about to give out on him from even thinking about it.

“All of you. I want all of you.” He keeps his voice firm, not wanting to sound week as he feels, but Zayn chuckles at him.

“You want my mouth?” Zayn asks cheekily, the bastard.

“Yeah.” Liam gasps when Zayn repeats the action from before on his other nipple, giving it a tug with his teeth before pulling back.

“My fingers?” He asks, a tiniest hint of uncertainty in his voice and Liam nods jerkily, making Zayn groan by his answer.

“My cock, maybe?” He moves up, biting just below Liam’s birthmark.

“Yes.”

“Liam.” Zayn moans and Liam swears that his cock twitches against Liam’s thigh. He hides his face in Liam’s neck, breathing harshly. “Babe, you don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“I don’t care.” Liam insists. He’s never needed anyone like this before. “Just. Come on.”

“It’s different.” Zayn explains. “And I don’t want to hurt you, Li.” He kisses Liam’s neck softly.

Liam sighs. “You won’t. I trust you enough.” He promises. “I want it. Need it, actually.”

Zayn chuckles against his skin, his breath tickling him. “I can see.” He drags the palm of his hand from the base of Liam’s cock to the top of it. “But we don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” He lifts his head to look at Liam, serious expression on his face. “We could just watch a movie. Or talk if you want to.” He offers. “I don’t want you to do anything if you’re feeling obligated.”

Liam only shakes head in response, pulls Zayn in with a hand on the back of his head into another kiss. He grins against Zayn’s mouth.

“I don’t want to watch a movie and we will talk later.” He tells him. Zayn nips on his upper lip in retaliation, but Liam only laughs. “I want more, tonight. I want all of it.” He assures him. “And now that I see that asking nicely doesn’t seem to work for you, I’m telling you that if you don’t get inside of me soon, I’ll leave this room and finish myself off in the bathroom.”

“Hell no.” Zayn groans and kisses him quiet. He brings his hands to the back of Liam’s thighs, lifting them up so Liam has no choice but to bend at the knees. He pushes them further apart before shuffling further up until Liam feels the head of his cock against his entrance and gasps at the contact. “You still want it?” Zayn asks one last time before Liam nods again, with much more conviction. “Okay. Lube?”

“In the drawer.” Zayn reaches over and opens it, shuffles through it before he retrieves a tiny bottle from it and he closes is with a thump. He coats his fingers generously before leaning back in to kiss Liam breathless, to distract him. He manages that, because Liam doesn’t notice when Zayn’s hand disappears between his parted legs and between his cheeks. He gasps into his mouth in surprise when he feels a wet, cold finger rubbing against his rim, insistently, but never pushes in.

“Have you ever fingered yourself before, babe?” Zayn asks, lips skimming over Liam’s throat.

Liam shakes his head honestly. “I’ve thought about it, though.” He says sheepishly, chuckling nervously.

“It’s gonna hurt for a bit, but later…” Zayn cuts himself short, only to push the forefinger in to the first knuckle.

It is different, more than everything that Liam had ever experienced. Liam feels torn between wanting to shuffle off Zayn’s finger and pushing back against it.

“What happens later?” Liam asks, curious. His breath starts coming out in ragged little breaths when Zayn pushes his finger in completely, curving it.

“Relax.” Is what he gets first. He does his best to oblige, concentrating on Zayn’s mouth tracing his heated skin repeatedly. “You’ll feel something that will make you beg for more.” Zayn promises and Liam pushes back onto his fingers and tries his best to relax when Zayn sneaks in another finger.

It hurts, but Liam welcomes the pain. It feels terribly arousing, even more than uncomfortable.

“Shit.” He curses when Zayn curves his fingers slightly and brushes over something inside of his that has him seeing stars.

Zayn grins against his collarbone. “I told you. Tell me how it feels, babe.” He rubs the spot firmly until Liam’s panting and pushing back.

“Feels so good.” Liam moans out. “Stay there. God.” Two fingers are soon replaced with three and Zayn keeps hitting that spot until he has Liam completely lose and squirming beneath him. “I’ll come.” Liam warns after a few minutes and Zayn pulls his fingers out, Liam wincing because of the loss. “No.” He pants. “It felt so good. You didn’t have to…”

“What would you do for more?” Zayn asks as he settles between Liam legs and oh.

“Zayn.” Liam squirms when the head of Zayn’s cock rubs against his stretched rim. It’s slick, probably because Zayn rubbed more lube on it and Liam mentally chides himself for not looking.

“You gonna beg for it, Li?” Zayn teases, but he’s just as breathless as Liam feels. “Always figured you’d beg for my cock. Just waiting for it, so stretched and ready…”

“Fuck.” Liam curses. “Come on. I…” He’s cut off when the head slips in through the stretched muscle. He hisses at the sudden pain, not used to this feeling. Zayn is so much bigger and thicker than his fingers and Liam clenches so hard around him that he almost pushes him out.

“You have to relax, babe. Come on.” Zayn begs. “Breathe.” He kisses Liam’s neck and whispers sweet nothings against his skin until Liam tries to catch his breath. He feels so full, stretched. “Show me what you’re made of, Wonderboy.” Zayn whispers against his neck and Liam chuckles despite of himself and he finally feels his muscles relax and Zayn wills away the pain with a skilful tongue against the dip in Liam’s collarbone until he’s fully inside of Liam.

“You can move.” Liam says, surprised at how chocked his voice sounds.

“Take your time, babe. I told you I don’t wanna hurt you.” Zayn says softly.

“Zayn.” Liam begs. “Please.” Zayn groans loudly before he obliges. He pulls out, but not completely, before grinding back in and Liam knows that he’s holding back. That’s not what he wants. “Come on, move.” He orders. “Show me what you’ve got.” He says cheekily and Zayn chuckles before leaning down to kiss him breathless before he slams into Liam, causing both of them to moan.

They build a steady rhythm, Liam pushing back to meet Zayn’s hips at every thrust. Soon enough, though, their moves become more erratic and less synchronized. When Zayn angles his hips differently and hits his prostate again, a moan slips out from Liam mouth and he’s sure the whole neighborhood heard him. He doesn’t care, though.

“Fuck.” Zayn curses above him. “You look so obscene, babe. You have no idea.”

Liam’s sure that he does. He can’t do anything to change it though, when he’s been right on the edge of coming ever since Zayn and he fell into this bed.

“I’m gonna…” Liam can’t even form words. Zayn seems to get the message, though, because he slips a hand between them and takes Liam into his hand, pumping him in time with his thrust. There’s only so much Liam can take, really, and before he even realizes it’s happening, his orgasm washes over him so hard that he almost blacks out.

He comes with Zayn’s name on his lips, coating both of their stomachs with long white spurts of come and Zayn follows only a couple of thrusts later, burying himself deep inside of Liam as he spills inside of him.

After that, Zayn doesn’t even bother to pull out of Liam before he collapses on top of him, both of them trying to recover from the exertion. And Liam doesn’t mind at all.

They’re quiet later, lying next to each other after they cleaned themselves. Liam had to get up, still wobbly on his legs while Zayn laughed amusedly at the slight limp in his walk.

The room is still charged with some kind of energy, even when it’s all over. Liam knows that it’s from millions of words and feelings hanging in the air, but he’s struggling to be the first one to open his mouth and talk.

He’s lying on his back, staring at the ceiling like it contains all the answers. Zayn is on his left, lying beside Liam so he’s facing him. Liam can feel those eyes on him, burning holes in his skull.

“Out with it, Liam.” Zayn tells him. “You’re thinking so hard that you’re driving me insane.” He chuckles, but Liam can’t laugh. Not now, when he knows that it’s time to stop lying.

He shakes his head and sighs.

“C’mon, Wonderboy.” Zayn teases and Liam’s mouth twitches helplessly. “You can tell me.”

“Shut up.” Liam turns around to tell him.

Zayn has a dopey smile on his face. His eyes are still lidded from tiredness, hair disheveled probably by Liam’s hands. There are still traces of sweat across his glistening skin and Liam takes in the tattoos scattered over it one more time. His lips are red and swollen and he’s still biting at them. Even in this state, Zayn looks more breathtaking than ever. It’s mind blowing how into him Liam is at this point.

Liam has to look away and go back to staring at the ceiling if he’s going to talk. He does, once he can tear his eyes away. Because Zayn is not his to watch so intently, even after what just happened between that.

“I’m in love with you.” He blurts out to the ceiling, not turning around to see what Zayn’s reaction will be. He needs to get this out before he does. “I hated you, mate. I really did.” He continues. “You always looked everyone from high and you treated me like shit most of the time. You were broody, reckless and moody and I hated the way there was nothing I could do to change it. You were just so… Unattainable. And I hated it. Or I thought I did.” He admits. “I have no idea how it happened or when it actually happened, but I fell for you.” He sighs. “I don’t regret it as much as I’d like to, you know. I finally know who I am now and I’m going to be thankful for that for a lifetime. I just…” He pauses for a moment. “I just regret that we’d never work well together, you and I.” He laughs humorlessly. “And in the end, I’ll have to get over you because you’ll never feel the same about me.” He finishes, voice thick with regret.

“Bloody hell!” Zayn curses and before Liam can apologize for his words, he’s crawling on top of him, pinning his hands above his head before he leans down and kisses him quiet.

It’s the hardest kiss they have shared tonight. Liam can feel Zayn’s anger and secretly, he enjoys the roughness. Their tongues fight against each other, teeth clanging and lips bruising. Again Liam loses the battle and lets Zayn lead the kiss. He enjoys the taste and touches when Zayn slows down after a minute, keeping it slow and chaste in the end, before he pulls back completely.

“You’re an idiot.” Zayn tells him pointedly.

Liam sighs. “I’m sorry. It will go aw…”

“No!” Zayn hisses. “Don’t you see what has been going on here?” He asks and Liam just stares at him dumbly, not able to do much when Zayn has him pinned down. “Liam, I’ve been doing everything that comes on my mind to show you. I’ve tried to be sweet, even if it’s not in my description. And Niall calls me a goofball for trying so hard, but I still did it. And when that didn’t work, I tried provoking you to get a reaction for days. And you still didn’t give me anything. And you tell me that I don’t feel the same when I’ve been trying to show you…” He cuts himself short and leans his forehead against Liam’s and Liam can’t breathe properly at this point.

“Show me what?” He asks, still afraid by the answer at this point.

Zayn sighs against his lips. “I do love you, you jerk.” He says and Liam’s chest fills with something that has him breathing harsh. “And don’t even think about trying to get over me because I swear…”

Liam interrupts him with a kiss. He gets his hands free from Zayn’s hold, grabs at his hair and crashes their mouths together. He kisses him breathless, ravishes him, until he imprints every single emotion and thought into his lips.

“I’ve been so stupid.” He whispers against Zayn’s mouth, making the other boy chuckle.

“You were indeed.” Zayn tells him. “I’m sorry for being a dick to you all the time.” He apologizes and Liam pecks him one more time before giggling. “What?” Zayn asks, brow furrowed in confusion, but a smile on his lips.

“This is so not going to work.” Liam says, still laughing.

“Well,” Zayn aligns their bodies and Liam’s head spins when he feels that Zayn is hard again, his own cock twitching up in interest. “Every time it doesn’t work, we’ll fix it. Because I don’t want to go back at being friends.”

“You’re a shit friend.” Liam teases as Zayn skims his lips over Liam’s and grinds against him in the most satisfying way.

“Well, it’s a good thing we’re far away from being just that.”

“Kiss me.” Liam says simply and Zayn does. He kisses him and touches him until Liam’s squirming under him one more time in need.

“How loose do you think you still are, babe?” Zayn asks, tracing his fingers over his rim before pushing two inside experimentally.

“Come on.” Liam orders and Zayn’s smiles against his mouth before taking Liam apart one more time.

Who would have thought he’d get to have this?

Liam is woken up by someone’s warm, insistent lips on his neck and he for a second before he remembers because oh, that’s right. The last night happened and he can also feel it in the slight, throbbing pain in his muscles, but he loves it.

He wills his eyes to open, blinking a few times to get them accustomed to the light. When he looks down, Zayn is looking at him amusedly. His eyes lidded with sleep and that familiar smirk that drives Liam insane playing on his lips.

“Morning.” He whispers and Liam leans down to peck him on the lips, because he wants to and he can.

“What time is it?” Liam asks when he pulls back.

“Around 12:30.”

Liam’s eyes widen. “p.m.?”

Zayn laughs at his expression. “Yes Leeyum, p.m.”

Liam sighs against Zayn’s hair. “We have to get up, like, two hours ago.” He grins. “Mom’s making the barbeque today, remember?” Zayn hums against Liam’s neck in affirmation. “I promised to help her.”

“No. Bed.” Zayn says stubbornly, curling his arms around Liam tightly causing Liam to laugh.

“I’d like to stay here with you all day long.” Liam promises. “But I’m afraid we can’t do that.”

Zayn sighs regretfully. “Fine.” He settles. “But you’re giving me clothes. It’s too hot outside for what I wore last night.”

“Deal.”

They sneak into the shower, separately, not wanting to be even more late and then get dressed. Liam gives Zayn a pair of sweatpants and Zayn steals his favorite T-shirt, but Liam doesn’t mind at all. In fact, Zayn wearing his clothes has him thinking stuff that don’t help at all getting downstairs in time for lunch.

Once they do, though, it’s a whole different view from what he was expecting. His backyard is full of people. Beside Trisha, the girls and his mom, there are also Niall, Harry and Louis with his mom and sisters. The women are standing together, chatting while the little ones run around and play.

His eyes fall on his best friends, all cuddled together around the table.

“Lovebirds have honored us with their presence!” Fucking Louis, Liam thinks as he and Zayn come out of the house.

“Sleep well?” Harry asks, but all three of them, including Doniya, Waliyha and Lottie burst out laughing, making Liam grit his teeth to prevent himself from saying something inappropriate in front of children.

“Boys.” Karen says as she approaches them. “Don’t make fun of them. Come on.” She turns to Zayn and Liam, a smirk on his lips. “Sit, we’ll serve the lunch now.”

Zayn nods and leads Liam towards the table. He smiles against Liam’s shoulder when Liam gets the urge to take off his shoe and hit Louis straight in the face when he points out the limp in Liam’s walk.

The food is delicious and it’s amazing during lunch and throughout the whole day. He’s got everything he needs right here, in his backyard and he’s the happiest than he’s been in so long. And later, in the evening, when the children are at home, sleeping, the rest of them still sit around the table, enjoying the night and chatting.

“Well,” Louis stands up and lifts his glass of wine. “I think it’s time for a toast.” Everyone lifts their glasses as well. “Here’s to family, friends, love,” He turns to Harry and smiles at him before turning his attention to Liam and Zayn. “And for these two finally getting their shit together.” He finishes, making everyone laugh and Liam blushes sweetly.

“Cheers.” Zayn says and they drink. He lowers his glass on the table and kisses Liam’s shoulder whispering Wonderboy against his skin and making Liam chuckle in spite of himself.

“Um,” Karen starts, making Liam look up at him. “I’m very glad that the two of you are happy.” She admits, making everyone coo at her. “And I give you all of my support. But, um.” She pauses, unsure and Liam’s brow furrows in confusion. “I know you’re big boys, but I just wanted to tell you to…” She sighs frustratingly. “You are being safe, are you?” She finishes and Liam’s sure that his eyes widen so much that they almost fall out while everyone else laughs hysterically.

“Oh, god.” He groans, hiding his face in the crook of Zayn’s neck as Louis and Niall laugh so hard that it echoes throughout the whole neighborhood.

“Love you, babe.” Zayn whispers against his forehead and Liam smiles helplessly, because he’s in love.

And maybe they’re a slightly dysfunctional group of people, but the amount of love they have for each other makes everything fall into place.

Maybe things won’t always be so easy between them and life gets harder at one point, but Liam believes in this very moment that he lives in and he enjoys it, with all of his senses.

Because in the end, he is one of the lucky ones.

And falling in love is so strong, breathtaking.

He’s dizzy and weak from the feeling, but he would never change how it is.

Come, it’s time for sleep. Let me curl into your arms and sing to me until my eyes flutter closed. Because it’s here, the calmness. I feel it in every spot where my skin touches yours, in every verse you sing to me and every perfected falsetto that I catch with my mouth at the corner of your lips.

Come on. Let’s put an end to this day. I can’t wait to wake up next to you in the morning and kiss you awake.

And I’ll see you in a few minutes, right on the border between dreams and reality, because you never quite vanish.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.