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How to be a Human

Summary:

Quackity teaches an oblivious Slime how to act like a human

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: The basics

Chapter Text

First thing that you should know is Slimes don’t sleep.
Mobs don’t sleep so it makes sense slimes don’t. So Slimecicle didn’t sleep. No matter how many years of evolution, it was still a slime at the core. So at 2am it sat in its room, on its bed, wide awake staring at a wall.

It had been in its new location for about a week now and nights were some of the most boring parts of its time. After being introduced to the flashing lights of Las Nevadas and the all the human activities, the time it so enjoyed of just sitting had become slightly less enjoyable.
During the 8 hours in which everyone else slept, Slimecicle moved a lot. It moved around their room, sometimes sitting on the bed, the floor, the dark closet, or the shower (the last two being favorites). It also moved between forms, switching periodically between slime and human.

Right now Slimecicle sat looking like a human on the bed. (After complaints from Las Nevadas staff about sheets being stained, Slimecicle was banned from being in slime form on the bed.)
Slimecicle swung its legs back and forth as it just stared straight ahead at a painting of a land it had seen years before, though it knew it look a lot different now. It had heard it be called a number of things by a number of people, L’manburg, Manburg, L’manhole, etc. It had stationed themselves at this land a few times before, but It hadn’t for a while. Despite the fact that the large cave that replaced the land that would normal appeal to them, Slimecicle avoided the place mainly because of the smell. In the painting though it was back in the days where it wasn’t a cave, but instead a little area will tall walls around it. Slimecicle thought it was quite beautiful.

Its train of thought, however, was interrupted by a knock accompanied by a voice.
“Hey.... buddy? You up?”
It was Quackity Las Nevadas. Slimecicle had grown quite fond of its first friend, so the second they heard them, it rushed to the door. Mid knock, the door flung open.
“Quackity Las Nevadas!” Slimecicle exclaimed staring down at Quackity.
“Well I guess that answers my question then” Quackity said with a small smile, “May I come in, I just wanna ask some quick questions.”
“Oh sure!” Slimecicle said stepping out of the door way to allow Quackity to walk in. Quackity made his way into the room and sat down on a chair next to a small desk. In his hand was a large duffle bag. Slimecicle, after closing the door, sat down on the bed once more.

“I just want to get to know you better man!” Quackity said after Slimecicle sat down. “ You know, sus you out a bit!”
“Sus me out? I’m not an imposter” They said with a wide smile. It had learned that one from the little goat boy. Quackity chuckled a bit, “You’re really something, you know? But more seriously, can I ask about... you”
“Well what do you wanna know”
“That’s the spirit! First things first, do you have a name? I’m mean I can’t just keep calling you Buddy or guy...”
“I guess not... I mean I guess I was called Slimecicle for a while”
“Slimecicle?” Quackity questioned.
“Well yeah, I was called that for years, but it’s not a name like I’ve seen you guys use. I only got called that because I can’t stay up very straight like this”, Charlie said gesturing to their current form, “So I had a stick put in my back! Slimecicle!”
Quackity just stared, “W-who the fuck would called you Slimecicle and who the fuck put a stick in you?” For a split second, Quackity saw something in Slimecicle’s face besides joy or confusion for the first time. Nervousness.
“Uh well that was a longgg time ago, I don’t really know um” Slimecicle stalled.
“You know what, forget it. But let’s get you a new name!” Quackity said changing the topic.
“Oooo I like that”
“Yeah yeah it’ll be lots of fun” Quackity said before staring at Slimecicle who just stared back. “Hmmmm... do you have any names you like?”
“Uhh the only names I’ve really heard for a while is all the people who live around hear sooo”
Quackity just squinted harder at them. “Any thing you like?”
“ Uhh I like water, I like the pretty lights downstairs, I like that stuff in the drawer, I like-“ Slimecicle listed.
“Wait go back, what drawer?” Quackity questioned. Slimecicle pointed at the top drawer of the tv stand. When Quackity stood up and opened it, he found a bunch of crumbled candy wrappers. And that’s when it hit him.
“ I’ve got it!” He said turning toward Slimecicle. “Do you know what a movie is?”
“... No” Slimecicle responded.
“I’ll show you later but theres a movie where a kid loves these” Quackity said grabbing a fist full of the wrappers and pointing at them, “I’m gonna call you Charlie!”
“... I like it!”
“ Fannntastic!” Quackity said dropping the wrappers back into the drawer and retuning to his seat.

“Secondly, outfit.” Quackity continued, “Where did you get clothes in the first place?”
Slimecicle, newly dubbed Charlie just shrugged.
“I don’t know exactly cause it was so long ago.... I mean I made the shirt myself because I thought it would help me blend in better”
Quackity looked at the shirt. It was a white tee with three hearts scribbled on it, one being half darkened. Underneath the hearts was scribbled, ‘So yeah, I’m a gamer.’
“I know you humans have some heart life thing so that’s the hearts” Charlie continued, “And I heard another name for humans was gamers!”
“Yeah I guess that’s sort of true... what about the sash” Quackity questioned gesturing to the green sash on Charlie’s waist.
“Oh that was a gift from an oldddd friend! I wonder how he’s doing...” Charlie said fondly.
“That’s nice. That’s nice... but I think I have something better.” Quackity said, throwing the duffle he walked in with at Charlie. Charlie opened it up to find more clothes.
“Since Las Nevadas is a nice establishment, I thought I would get you some nicer clothes” Quackity said with a smile.
“Oh thank you Quackity Las Nevadas! I’ll change right now!” Charlie exclaimed before immediately going to to take off their shirt.
“Woah woah!” Quackity quickly said once he realized what was about to happen, “Charlie uh humans typically don’t change in front of each other. It makes them uncomfortable...”
“Oh, ok!” Charlie said taking the duffle with them to the bathroom. After a few minutes, Charlie re-emerge. This time it were wearing a white shirt with puffy sleeves with little red hearts all over it underneath a green vest with gold buttons. It had on dark red pants, dark green shoes, and red glasses. It also had a wide grin on their face.
“This is great!” Charlie said twirling around, “Thank you Quackity Las Nevadas!!” As they said this it leaned in for a kiss, before being pushed away by Quackity.
“Come on, I told you not to do that. Humans don’t greet each other like that”
“But I’ve seen you greet people like that before?” Charlie said with an innocent tilt of their head. Quackity’s eyes widen.

How long had Charlie been around for?

Quackity just shook the thought from his head before standing up.
“I think that gonna be it for tonight, but I’ll teach you all about proper greetings soon, okay?” Quackity said as he made his way across the room quickly towards the door.
“Sounds GOOP to me!” Charlie replied. Quackity let out a slight laugh as he opened up the door.
“Good night Charlie”
“Good night Quackity Las Nevadas!”
“... you can just call me Quackity, Charlie”
“Okay!”
As Quackity started to close the door he heard Charlie call out, “Wait one last thing!”
“What is it?” Quackity said, swinging the door back open to view Charlie again.
“How do you sleep?”
“... What?”
“Slimes don’t usually ‘sleep’... so how do you guys do it...”
“Uhh I just kinda lay down, close my eyes and relax... I guess?” Quackity replied. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept himself and now he was teaching a slime to. His life was weird.
“Thank you Quackity”
“No problem, good night now”
“Good night!”
And finally Quackity closed the door.

 

In their room, all alone, Charlie laid on top of its bed with lights still on still in its new outfit, trying to sleep.
In his room, all alone, Quackity laid under his covers with the lights off in a sleep shirt and pants, trying to sleep.
And on that night, a slime learned to sleep and a human found out he had forgotten.

Chapter 2: How to Help Someone Out

Summary:

Charlie has some fun with Foolish! Quackity does NOT appreciate it

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Quackity stormed into lobby.

“Where is it?!” He said looking around. Fundy sat on a chair talking to a worker when Quackity had walked in. “Quackity what?” Fundy questioned looking up. Quackity whipped his head towards Fundy and run towards where he was sat.
Quackity grabbed him by the shoulders and said, “Charlie. Where on earth is Charlie?”


“Oh oh well I think its hanging out with... Foolish” Fundy mumbled.

“It is with WHO??”

“.... Foolish”

“... shit.” Quackity said letting go of Fundy and running towards the door. Fundy stood up and nervously followed behind.
Quackity exited the revolving doors and immediately heard Charlie’s voice carrying across the desert, “Ooo a lot closer that time!”

Quackity began running towards their voice with Fundy close behind. After running around for minute, Quackity made it towards the end of city where he saw Foolish standing, trident raised, facing away from Las Nevadas. 

“Where is it?” Quackity yelled. Foolish held up a finger before lifting his up his trident.
Fundy and Quackity tried to see what Foolish was staring at, but all they saw was the desert with a couple of holes in the ground.
“Look man I don’t know what-“ Quackity began, turning back towards the god.

He was cut off by Foolish launching the trident and Fundy screaming. He whipped back towards the desert to see the trident land right next to one of the holes. Fundy stood with a look horror at the hole.
“Fundy, what’s up? You okay?” Quackity asked the fox hybrid.


“Was he- Were you trying to kill it??” Fundy stuttered turning towards Foolish. Foolish’s trident came flying back towards him and into his hand before he turned towards the others.


“Thanks for messing up my shot. And no, it’s fine” Foolish said casually.


“YOU LAUNCHED A TRIDENT AT IT’S HEAD???” Fundy yelled.


“Okay okay everyone calm down. Who are we launching tridents at?” Quackity asked, still confused.


“CHARLIE!” Fundy informed.


“WHAT”

“Hey I wanted target practice and it offered” Foolish said sheepishly.


“Awww are we not playing anymore?” Another voice called out.
The group turned towards the voice to see Charlie, poking its head out of one of the holes in the ground. Immediately after noticing it, Foolish launched the trident towards the slime. Charlie ducked right before the trident stuck into the ground right where its head was.


“CHARLIE!” Quackity yelled, running across the desert towards the hole it had come out of.


“QUACKITY FROM LAS NEVADAS!” Charlie said poking its head out.

“What are you doing?” Quackity said frantically.


“Well I’m-“ Charlie began before Foolish cut him off.
There was a woosh and suddenly a trident was launched into its face.


“HOLY SHIT!” Quackity screamed kneeling down besides Charlie who was pinned in the dirt.
“Charlie CHARLIE ARE YOU OK?”


“Yeah I’m just a little stuck” Charlie said casually, “Nice shot Foolish!” Charlie smiled and stuck a thumbs up at Foolish


The trident then came out of Charlie’s head and flew back toward Foolish. Sitting back up, Charlie now had three holes in the side of his head. Despite the fact, Charlie looked like a walking jello and appeared to be fine, Quackity was still horrified by the large marks in its head.
“Get out of that hole right now, Charlie. AND IF YOU SHOOT IT AGAIN FOOLISH I’LL HUNT YOU DOWN!!” Quackity said. Foolish just put away his trident and rolled his eyes.

 “It offered, but whatever I’m the BAD GUY” Foolish said sarcastically as the walked back towards the hotel, clapping Fundy on the shoulder as he passed. Fundy stared at Foolish for a second, before slowly turning away and following him.

Charlie climbed out the hole and Quackity threw his arms around them. “You scared me Charlie! Don’t do that again. I need you to tell me when you do stuff like that. Okay?” Quackity said.
“Yes sir!” Charlie said, returning the hug.

The two stood up and walked back towards the hotel. Quackity wrapped Charlie’s head in bandages in order to cover the wounds on its head despite no effects caused by the injury besides the marks. Charlie then returned to his room and pulled out a book that Quackity had given to it.

Flipping to a clean page it wrote, Always report back to Quackity from Las Nevadas.

Notes:

-Big Q is a tad overprotective over Charlie, but slime guy just wants to have fun!
-Inspired by @sweet.n.sour.chickn on tiktok, they are amazing please check out their Foolish!!

Chapter 3: How to Connect With Others

Summary:

After Charlie had spent a month in Las Nevadas, you would think everyone would be used to them. Right? Well that’s true for almost everyone. Except for one person and unfortunately he’s the only one able to babysit today.

Notes:

I’m back baby!!
Tw// Kidnapping and passing out :)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“No Quackity”

“Sam please come on-“

“I’m not spending over an hour with… that”

Quackity and Sam were currently standing on the outskirts of Las Nevadas, arguing (they tended to do that a lot recently).

Behind Quackity stood Foolish, Fundy, and Purpled. Charlie stood next to Fundy, held back by a child leash.

 

“It’s only for like three hours, Sam. Come on!”

“Three hours too many. Just get one of them to watch Charlie” Sam said, gesturing to the three behind Quackity.

“No I won’t. Because you know why? They’ve already watched Charlie. And they’ve already have covered you turns to watch them in the past. Now they are coming with me and you are gonna watch it”. And with that Quackity turned around, grabbed the leash and thrusted it at Sam. Sam went to push it away when he looked up at Q.

 

Quackity looked tired. There was dark bags under his eyes and while his face had a hard look, his eyes were pleading with Sam.

Sam sighed, cursed himself for the mercy he had left, and took the leash. Quackity gave him a small smile.

“Thank you Sam” He said before clapping his hands together, “Alright boys let’s go!” And the group turned from Sam and Charlie and walked away from Las Nevadas.

 

Sam turned to look at Charlie. It was aggressively waving at the group as they walked away before it turned towards Sam.

“Hello Sam from Pandora’s box! Are we gonna have fun today?” Charlie asked with the biggest smile.

Sam looking down at Charlie with his eyebrows furrowed. Sam didn’t know why Quackity kept Charlie around. Sure it was a helpful spy, but if he was in Q’s situation he would have told him that good friends shut up and sit still unless needed. But alas, it seems as though Quackity has more mercy.

“It depends on you” Sam replied and turned back towards Las Nevadas and dragged Charlie behind.

 

                       

 

“This isn’t very fun” Charlie complained.

Charlie was tied to a post and Sam was relaxing in a lawn chair. They were sat by a small pool outside of Sam’s Las Nevadas residence. Sam’s armor was off for once and he was reading a book with a rose printed on the cover. Charlie wasn’t close enough to get into the water, but it could dip its toes in.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m having fun. Maybe you should try harder!” Sam replied.

“Oh okay!” Charlie said and it turned back to the water and kicked its feet in the water. Charlie was straining against its leash and slowly leaning closer. Sam went back to his book. He was finally getting his much needed rest.

Sam was so caught up in his relaxing that he didn’t hear the snap of the leash. He did however hear the splash that followed.

 

Sam sighed and lowered his book. Swimming around in his pool was Charlie with the biggest smile and broken leash floating behind it. After seeing it, Sam couldn’t help but have a little smile. He had originally banned it from entering the pool because he was worried about them tainting the water. But watching them swim around, it was holding itself together pretty well. Sam went back to his book, but after about 10 more minutes, he had the worst or best idea.

“Hey Charlie! Has Q ever taken you to get ice cream?”

 

                        

 

Sam and Charlie sat outside in the middle of Las Nevadas by one of the many fountains. Charlie was holding a cone of ice cream with a vanilla scoop and staring at it curiously.

“Ok Charlie watch me!” Sam said holding his own cone with a chocolate scoop. He held the ice cream up to his face and took a lick while Charlie slowly mirrored him.

“Good job! Now just keep doing that until your done” Sam said brightly as he continued to lick his own cone. Charlie slowly licked his own cone, occasionally glancing towards Sam just to make sure they were doing it right. It was quite a sight to behold. A creeper hybrid, now back in his netherite armor, assisted what looked to be a human eat an ice cream.

 

“Hey Sam from Pandora’s box?” Charlie said after a minute.

“What is it Charlie?”

“I know some people say you’re scary and mean and all but I think your pretty cool!” Sam stared at it.

“Oh Um thank you, Charlie”. Sam had no idea how this sentiment Slime knew how to worm its way into his heart, but yet it had managed to. Sam raised his hand and placed his hand on Charlie’s head. Charlie froze for a second before leaning into the touch.

 

                       

 

After they finished their ice cream, the two took a walk around Las Nevadas and Sam pointed out certain landmarks that interested him. One perk about having Charlie as a companion was that it was interested in almost everything and was a great listener. Sam was showing Charlie one of his favorite building he designed, an apartment, when Charlie suddenly pulled on Sam’s sleeve.

 

“What it is?” Sam asked turning towards Charlie, who had a look of horror on its face. It didn’t respond, just grabbed Sam by the shoulders and spun him around before hiding behind him. They were standing in a fairly deserted area, but their was a person standing a few yards away from the two.

 

They had on shiny netherite armor. They had golden blonde hair poking out from under their helmet, large black wings on their back, and a hardened look on their face. Sam instantly knew, it was Phil and he looked pissed.

Sam pulled out his sword.

“Phil. What are you doing here?” Sam asked.

“Where’s Techno, Sam” Phil asked coldly.

Sam narrowed his eyes. “Phil I think we both know that answer”.

Phil nodded and pulled out his own sword. “Unfortunately I do”.

“I don’t want to fight you, Phil. I’m just doing my job”.

“I don’t want to fight you either, which is why I’m not going to. NOW!”

 

Suddenly, Sam could feel Charlie’s hands  get pulled off his back. Sam spun around but instantly met a sword hilt to the face. Sam fell backwards and a foot held him to the ground. Niki’s face appeared in his vision and dropped a potion onto him. His vision slowly started to fade in and out. He tried to look towards Charlie, but he couldn’t manage to turn far enough before he passed out.

 

                       

 

“He’s out Phil” Niki reported as she stared down at Sam before removing her foot. Phil walked forward and joined the group.

“Good job mate!” Phil complimented. He look towards their final companion.

“What you got there, Ranboo?”

“I thought it was a person but now umm” Ranboo said holding up a small slime in their hands. “Like I pulled them away from Sam and now I’m holding a slime”

“Can I see it?” Phil asked. Ranboo handed them the slime. Phil stared down it. It look vaguely familiar. As if he had seen it a long long time ago. It looked like a typical slime, but something was different about it.

 

Phil shrugged.

 

“Take it anyways, something seems special about it”, he said handing it back to Ranboo. Ranboo opened their bag and attempted to place the slime in it. For some reason he couldn’t manage to place it in. After a second of trying, Ranboo sighed.

“This thing does not wanna corporate!” They laughed, “I’ll just carry it”.

“Okay!” Phil said brightly, “Lets head out”. Niki pulled out a rope and tied up Sam. Phil held out his arms. Niki and Ranboo lifted the creeper hybrid up and placed him in Phil’s arms. Phil then extended his long wings and took off. Ranboo then took Niki’s hand and closed their eyes.

The two then disappeared leaving only purple sparkles behind.

Notes:

Introducing the Syndicate! Seems they’ve take some of your friends hostage, well have to see what happens next!

Notes:

I may or may not add more depending on the reaction so let me know in the comments or on Twitter @ekbeanie

Credits for Charlie’s outfit goes to @quackburian so send them some love for me!

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