Archive of Our Own ^beta

Josh wasn’t sure what to make of how sick Tyler looked.

His eyes were getting hollow again, the usual soulfulness that permeated them dimming into something dark and vacant. His hands shook more often, the twitches were more consistent, and Josh didn’t know what was wrong. He could feel a sinking in his own stomach whenever he looked at his friend. There was just something missing that hadn’t been before, or something that was there that hadn’t been, and he couldn’t for the life of him tell which one it was.

There was a look on his face too often that Josh had never seen before and it took longer than he’d have liked to place it.

He didn’t realize what it was until he caught Tyler staring, face void of emotion and stomach growling, into a crowd of people, the actual food on his plate untouched. He thought back to the conversation they’d had over a year ago. Tyler’s admission that he wasn’t exactly human. That he was a monster. Josh felt sick, pushing his own plate away as he watched his friend with concern, his curiosity carefully shoved away so that he wouldn’t have to deal with it. He didn’t want to admit to that just yet, the idea of this being interesting to him made him recoil from Tyler, made him less of a friend, and he hated it. He hated that this wasn’t easy.

He hated that Tyler wasn’t human.

Except he didn’t.

He didn’t hate Tyler, because he was still Tyler and he was still his best friend and the man that Josh had known for over four years, but now he was also something else. Now he was something more than human and less than humane. He was something that, given the wrong circumstances, would have eaten Josh with hardly a second thought.

He hated that it excited him a little bit to know.

Death was weird and interesting, and while it was usually Tyler’s thing, but Josh felt a draw to it, too. He could feel the pull in being curious, the unknown fascinating and terrifying all at once.

But it wasn’t like he wanted to die.

That look on Tyler’s face sent chills down his spine, though, and Tyler looked at him with sad eyes when he noticed Josh’s staring. He seemed to know why Josh was giving him that look and quickly averted his gaze, picking his fork back up to push his food around his plate. He’d played at being human long enough to know when he made one apparently uncomfortable and guilt ate at Josh from the inside. It was a weird feeling and he wondered if this was what Tyler felt like all the times that he ate-- what? People food? That made him sound like some kind of animal that Josh had to separate from himself on a deeper level, but he didn’t want to do that with Tyler.

Instead he watched Tyler eat full plates of food and still wither.

“Tyler,” Josh said softly, knowing that the younger man had slinked off to his bed very shortly after they’d all gotten back from dinner. He was staying with Josh and Dustin while he was in LA, living between the couch and Josh’s bed, depending on how tired they were and how comfortable he was. Josh had gotten over the not human thing pretty quickly, even with the knowledge still being incredibly strange. He didn’t fully understand it and didn’t think he ever would, because Tyler was definitely keeping parts of it from him, but he could try his best. “You okay, dude?”

“I’m fine.” Tyler’s reply was immediate, but his reaction was sluggish. He rolled over to look at Josh and Josh kind of wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

So he did.

He’d always had somewhat poor impulse control.

He knew Tyler better than anyone else did, save for his family because he was pretty sure that they would know more about him, but maybe not necessarily know him better. He could tell when Tyler’s ‘I’m fine’ was a lie and when it was genuine. The fact that he almost never said it unless he was lying about being fine was a huge giveaway. Josh could feel his usual protective instincts toward Tyler kicking up and sparking in his chest. It was just that the younger was always so sad now, and Josh was sure it ate at the both of them. He knew it ate at Tyler for whatever he was feeling, and it ate at Josh because he hated seeing Tyler like this. He hated knowing that his best friend was hurting and that there might be nothing he could do about it.

“Tyler,” he said evenly, his tone stern and maybe a little pleading. Only Tyler would be able to hear that, though.

The singer rolled the rest of the way over to face him and Josh sat on the edge of the bed, dropping his hand to his shoulder and rubbing up and down his arm slowly. Tyler relaxed slowly and Josh could physically feel the tension bleed out of him. It was a comforting feeling.

“I’m just… hungry.” The way Tyler’s voice wavered, and the way he sort of shrunk back into himself told Josh all he needed to know.

This wasn’t a human hunger that Josh could fix just by going to get some Taco Bell. This was that monstrous, deep hunger that Tyler had told him about when he’d confessed that he wasn’t human all that time ago. He’d had an inkling of the idea of it, but he’d needed the confirmation to really let it sink in. Thinking back on it, he doubted that Tyler had eaten like that in quite some time. He didn’t know the last time the singer had even mentioned it-- because sometimes he did, when it was quiet and he was afraid of Josh thinking he was a monster, he would ask again what the drummer thought, and Josh would always think back to that first time when he’d screwed up and mutter that he didn’t think Tyler was a monster. He’d messed that up phenomenally, though, and Tyler had been living thinking that Josh thought he was a little bit of a monster this entire time. It hurt something deep in his chest to know that and he smoothed his hand back down Tyler’s arm.

“When was the last time you ate?” He’d thought long and hard about how to word that in the few moments of silence that followed his first train of thought before speaking. He didn’t want to let that linger on too long, though.

“I went to dinner with you guys earlier.” His voice cracked, and Josh curled his fingers around his arm.

“You know what I mean, Ty.”

“Josh…” He looked up at him with those big sad eyes and Josh wanted to smooth the creases and dark circles away with the pads of his fingers. He let go of his arm, combing his fingers through the singer’s hair, soothing and gentle. “Thanksgiving,” Tyler muttered after a long moment and Josh wasn’t sure how long he was supposed to go without eating, but he was pretty sure that that was much longer.

“Tyler.” His tone wasn’t scolding, just a weird mixture of concerned and hurt, and Tyler dropped back down into the bed.

“It’s fine, Josh. Don’t worry about it. I’ll just wait until we’re done recording and then eat some-- something when I get home.” Josh noticed the way he stumbled over the words and it struck him that Tyler meant a person. He’d be eating a person and Josh’s stomach didn’t even roll uncomfortably this time. If this was the effect that doing that had on his friend, then he didn’t want to him go that long.

“No. I’ll cover for you, and you’re gonna go eat.” Tyler jolted a little, seeming to regain a little energy, and whipped around to look at him like he’d grown a second head.

This wasn’t Tyler’s hunting ground, Josh knew that. He didn’t know how comfortable Tyler would be with finding a person here to kill and eat, but it was LA. The implication that the person could have a family that would miss them, loved ones that would look for a body they’d never find, struck him, and it made his chest feel uncomfortable, but this was Tyler.

Tyler who helped so many people and who Josh had once said didn’t deserve the demons that plagued him. He still meant that, even if one of them was the singer’s own stomach, now that he knew. He wondered if it ever bothered the-- whatever Tyler was, that they ate people and took them away from their families. He’d have to ask Mrs. Joseph about it because he honestly doubted that Tyler would be too willing to come forward about him not being human anymore. Not after the last time.

“Seriously?” Tyler squeaked out after another pause. Josh only nodded.

He just hoped he didn’t live to regret this as Tyler slowly got up, eyeing him like he might change his mind any moment.

He wouldn’t, though, especially since Tyler looked utterly grateful as he was leaving.

He warded Mark off when he called, asking to talk to Tyler. He warded Dustin off when he asked where Tyler was so they could all go get food. He told Jenna that Ty was ‘out eating’ and he figured that was as much of an explanation as she’d need. The thing was that he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

The idea of Tyler literally going out there and killing someone while his normal message was only about staying alive made him feel like he was in on some giant secret that the world could never know.

Well. He guessed he was.

It wasn’t until Tyler came back, sneaking in through the window instead-- and Josh had to wonder how he even got up there, but he figured it was just another part of the whole ‘not human’ thing-- that he realized he wasn’t sure how to feel about it entirely. He’d been back and forth all night and he still didn’t see Tyler as a monster.

That was the problem, he didn’t see Tyler as anything other than Tyler. He was just himself and he was Josh’s best friend and the person that Josh trusted more than anyone in the world and he wouldn’t trade him for anything, not even this secret that he knew could get them into serious trouble.

Looking at him, though, he didn’t seem strong and monstrous and intimidating like Josh had expected. Tyler looked fragile, blood streaked across his mouth and smothered over his cheeks. His shirt and pants were caked with it, and he looked smaller with the clothes sticking to him than he usually did when he was just letting them float off of him.

“Ty, you okay?”

“Yeah, I just don’t usually. Eat. Here.” His voice was a little off, and he ran bloody fingers through his hair.

“Go shower, Ty.” Josh stepped over to him, reaching up with a frown and untangling the singer’s fingers from his hair, smoothing the tremors in them out despite the blood.

“Thank you. For covering for me. I, uhm, ate more than usual. Sorry.” His fingers twitched again and Josh twisted his own in between Tyler’s.

“Always, dude. You’re my best friend and I’m not gonna let you just get sick over it.”

Tyler’s smile kind of made his heart do a little flip, because that was a very appreciative, very genuine look coming from a very, very bloody face. It shouldn’t have been, but it was still endearing and his heart ached a little more for Tyler again. He didn’t know how hard it must have been to confess to not being human and he couldn’t imagine having to kill people and not feel bad about it. Hell, he felt a little bad about it and it wasn’t even him killing people.

Still, though, he watched Tyler go with a little more fondness for him and a little more understanding.

Maybe.

It was still a weird limbo area where he wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about anything other than he really loved his best friend to death.