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Chapter Text

It had been a long time since Spock had seen James T. Kirk. Their five-year mission had ended years ago and upon the conclusion they had gone their separate ways.

Once, during that five-year mission, Spock had thought he would spend the rest of his life beside Jim. But then he hadn’t been able to give Jim what he wanted, Spock knew, and their relationship had ended.

Spock did not blame Jim. He blamed himself. Jim had been right to end things between them, given the circumstances, even their friendship at the time. But it had been a lot of lonely years since then.

And now here he was, in front of Jim’s front door, contemplating whether to knock or go away.

So much time, so many things, had passed. Would Jim even want to see him considering what had happened?

Spock wanted to see Jim, he’d come all this way. He knocked.

The door was opened a moment later by a blond boy of about eight. Though they had never met, Spock knew who the boy was. He knew much about the years since they’d been separated.

“Hello, David.”

Another, smaller, blond boy appeared next to his brother. Spock knew this boy was named George.

“Hello, George.”

“Who is he?” George asked.

“He’s Captain Spock. He used to work with Dad,” David replied. Spock was not surprised to learn David also knew who he was. Jim would have likely talked about his time on the Enterprise. He held the door open wide. “You can come in, sir. I’ll go get Dad.”

George stared up at him. He was only five. “You’re a Vulcan, huh?”

“That is correct, George.”

“Are you really a captain?”

“I am, yes. I was not when I served under your father. He was my captain at the time.”

Spock felt a low thrum of awareness just as Jim appeared. Despite his telling himself to be under control, Spock’s shields wavered and his heart rate sped up.

There was a bit of gray now at Jim’s temples and he was perhaps a little thicker in the middle than he once was, so was Spock for that matter, but his blue eyes still sparkled and his smile still dazzled. He’d turn any head, certainly Spock’s.

“When David told me it was you, I could hardly believe it,” Jim said, with a bright smile. He came forward without hesitation and embraced Spock. It was not a long hug, but it was enough to tighten Spock’s throat with more regret than he had felt in many years.

Jim pulled away and glanced at his sons. “You met the brats?”

“Yes,” Spock replied. “They resemble both you and Carol.”

For just a moment there was a flicker of sadness in the blue but it was gone quickly. “Yes, they do. Let’s go out onto the patio.”

Spock followed Jim out to the patio and took a seat at the small round table.

“Want anything to drink?” Jim asked.

“Not at present, thank you, Admiral.”

Jim nodded and sat on the other chair at the table. “You look good. Really good.”

“I reciprocate the sentiment.”

Jim smiled. “Thanks. And it seems silly to remind you after all this time, but it’s Jim. Jim, Spock.”

Spock hesitated. “I…heard about your loss.”

Jim looked away for a moment. “Yeah. It was…it was unexpected. Heart attack. She was way too young for that.”

“I grieve with thee.”

“The boys keep me on my toes. And my duties. Still strange as hell to be grounded, but I don’t want the boys to be up in space.” Jim shrugged. He smiled again. “And what about you, Spock?”

“Me, Admiral?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Yes. Are you…bonded? With a Vulcan?”

Of course, Jim would not know. Vulcans were very private and Jim had been living his life with Carol and their sons.

“No, I am not. I was unable to complete any bond with any females of my species. I did provide other contributions toward the broadening of our people.”

“Oh.” Jim nodded. “You mean sperm?”

Spock felt his cheeks heat, in spite of his attempt at control. Just a few minutes with Jim and he was faltering already.

“Yes,” Spock agreed.

“So you didn’t find anyone you wanted to be bonded with?”

“It was discovered I had a bond.”

Jim frowned. “You did? With who? And how did you not know that?”

“It was dormant. But it prevented the completion of any other attempt,” Spock explained. “I did not desire to break the dormant bond, therefore, I remain unfulfilled.”

“Isn’t that painful for you, Spock? Don’t Vulcans need their bonds?”

It was quite painful, of course.

“It is manageable.”

Jim studied Spock intently. “Do you know who the dormant bond is with?”

“Yes,” Spock said after a slight hesitation.

Jim continued to stare at Spock, his blue eyes bright and intense. “It’s me, isn’t it?”

Spock was not at all surprised how quickly Jim had gotten it. “Yes.”

“Jesus. Fuck.”

“I apologize.”

“No, I…just. Why didn’t you say anything?”

Spock inclined his head. “Under the circumstances, I felt I was unable to do so.”

“Carol.”

Spock nodded. “I have…many regrets, despite Surak’s teachings. My own failings orchestrated this. I was not sure I should come here still.”

Jim leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. “You know how I feel, Spock. How I’ve always felt. That hasn’t changed. Never will change.”

“Nor have my feelings changed either.”

Jim opened his eyes. “How long have you known about this? Is it recent? Since Carol died a year ago?”

“Before.”

“How long before?”

“Before your wedding,” Spock said quietly.

“Before…Oh my God.” Jim covered his face with his hands. “Spock.”

“I discovered it just after I left for New Vulcan when we parted,” Spock explained, aware of the shock and dismay coming off of Jim. “When I had intended to bond with a Vulcan female as was the council and my father’s wish.”

“I see.”

“I sought out Dr. McCoy and he advised me of your engagement to Carol Marcus. Considering my own actions led you to seek out her company I felt it prudent to allow you to live your life without my interference.”

He watched Jim’s Adam’s apple bob as Jim swallowed. “You knew I loved you. Still loved you. Even then. God, Spock.”

“You also cared for Dr. Marcus.”

“Yes,” Jim agreed. “Carol was great. And I miss her every fucking day.”

Spock tried not to feel pain over his statement, he reminded himself he had only himself to blame for it all. But the pain was sharp anyway.

Jim leaned forward in his chair, now resting his head in his hands. “I don’t know what to do with this information, Spock.”

“You do not have to do anything,” Spock whispered.

“Really? Because I’m pretty sure you just told me we were bonded.”

“Yes, but we have been for some years and you were unaware. You could continue that way for as long as you wish. Until your death.”

“But you…you will continue to suffer?”

“It is…manageable. As I said.”

Jim lifted his head to stare once more at Spock. A muscle ticked in his jaw. “This is a lot to take in.”

“I am aware. I was not certain I should tell you. Or even see you. After all this time.”

“Yet you did.”

Spock nodded, exhaling slowly. “Yes.”

“Why now?”

“There is no one like you, Jim. I thought perhaps I could find someone. I cannot. Even if the bond can never be fulfilled, I find that, if you will allow it, my place is still at your side.”

Jim blinked several times and then stood. “I need to make dinner for the kids. Are you staying?”

“If permitted.”

“Yeah, okay. You can help. I’m sure I must have something vegetarian in there somewhere.”

Spock stood too, his throat closing. “Thank you.”

Jim shook his head. “Don’t thank me yet. I still have no idea what to do with this.” He went inside his house.  

Chapter Text

When Spock followed inside, Jim was nowhere to be seen, but David stood nearby and he peered at Spock with very familiar blue eyes.

“Dad’s in with Sammy.”

Spock inclined his head. “Sammy?”

“Yeah. Second room on the right.”

Spock went down the hall to the referenced room and discovered Jim taking a small girl of less than two out of a crib. She had blonde curls and she was smiling happily as Jim swung her into his arms.

Jim turned to Spock with a smile. “This is my daughter, Sammy.”

“I was not aware you had a third child.”

“Yeah, she was born not that long before…before,” Jim trailed off, and his gaze refocused on his daughter. “Sammy looks like her mama even more than the boys do. Just as beautiful.”

Sammy grinned happily at her father and she placed two chubby hands on his cheeks. “Daddy.”

“Hey, sweet pea,” Jim said softly. “Sammy, this is Daddy’s friend, Spock. Can you say hi?”

Sammy’s wide blue eyes turned to stare at Spock. Her smile turned a little shy. “Hi.”

“Hello, Sammy,” Spock said formally. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

“She probably needs changing, so if you want to wait out in the kitchen, there’s some stuff to make tea, if you want. David can show you.”

Spock nodded and returned to the other part of the house. He heard sounds of George playing in one room and when he peeked into the room George was playing with a toy starship shaped very much like the Enterprise.

Spock went to the kitchen and he was unsurprised to find David waiting. “Your father said you would show me where the tea was.”

“Sure. So you’re staying for dinner?”

“Yes, if you do not mind.”

David shrugged. “If Dad says it’s okay, it’s okay.” The boy went to a cabinet and pulled out a box of loose leaf tea and handed it to Spock. “There’s also a replicator if you want to make it fast. But Mom preferred to make it herself. The teakettle is there.”

“Thank you, David.”

David shrugged. “Sure. I’m going to go back to George now, all right?”

“Yes.”

Jim came into the kitchen a few minutes later while Spock was preparing his tea. “I put Sammy in her playpen in the room with the boys.”

“You must have your hands full raising three young children.”

“Have to do what I have to do,” Jim said with a smile. “They’re good kids. And when I have to be down at HQ, I have some good babysitters.”

“Indeed?”

“Bones for one. Hate to tell you, Spock, but he’s still hanging around.”

“I did not suspect otherwise. He has always been a good friend to you for which I am gratified.”

Jim bent down to look in his refrigerator. “I usually make fresh food for them rather than replicating it unless I’m in a hurry.”

“It is remarkable to see you with children,” Spock admitted. “During our time together I never got the impression you were that interested in being a parent.”

“Well,” Jim said, taking out leafy greens and placing them on the counter. “I can’t really say I did want to be a father. Not at first. Considering my own circumstances the possibility or desire for it seemed fairly remote. But Carol wanted them.” Jim shrugged. “Once David was born I fell in love with having a son and it went from there.”

“The boys were close to her?”

“Sure, yeah. She was really good with them.” Jim went into a cabinet and took out pasta. “Spaghetti and a salad, all right? I don’t remember if you like Italian food.”

“It will be fine, whatever you prepare.”

Jim nodded. “Good, because I’m really kind of tired and I don’t really want to make a fuss. Had a long boring meeting early this morning.”

“You have a very attractive family, Jim, and you seem well adjusted.”

“Thank you. How’s your father?” Jim asked after a moment of silence. “At first, you know, I kind of kept track of things, but it’s been a while since I have.” He sighed. “Sorry.”

“An apology is unnecessary, Admiral. Your life was your priority.”

Jim smiled a little. “So, how is he?”

“He has weakened of late.” Spock replied. “He has never been quite the same after my mother died and the loss of our planet. But I believe he keeps busy.”

“Want to make the salad?” Jim handed a bowl and the leafy greens to Spock. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“Admiral?”

“Making small talk like this. After all that we’d been through, together with the crew of the Enterprise and with each other, and now we’re making awkward small talk as though one time we weren’t each other’s everything.”

Jim was still Spock’s everything. Always would be, of course. He’d been forced to stay away, but perhaps now he would have that second chance he never really deserved. Jim had lived another life, loved another, instead of Spock, and Spock had to accept that. But…there was a glimmer of hope.

“I suppose it is rather odd,” Spock agreed quietly. “But we have not seen each other for years.”

“Yeah.” Jim stopped what he was doing at the stove and turned around to face Spock. “I really missed you.”

“And I you.”

“Where are you staying? Starfleet housing?”

“I have obtained temporary housing there. I’m currently on leave from my duties.”

Jim’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh?”

“There is an investigation to be done on the last mission of my most recent command,” Spock explained.

“An investigation? You’re not in trouble, are you?”

“It is a small matter.”

“Small? Spock?”

“There is a slight possibility of a court martial for my first officer, but I do not believe it will come to that. We all intend to testify on her behalf.”

“Anything I can do?”

“Perhaps. I will send you a file on the matter later when I leave for my apartment.”

“Good.”

“In the meantime, it’s my intention to take on a professorship at the Academy.”

“Permanent?”

Spock gave a small shrug. “That remains to be seen.”

Jim licked his lips and nodded. “I guess so.”

George appeared at the kitchen doorway. “Daddy?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Can we get pizza?”

“Tomorrow night, maybe. We’re having spaghetti tonight,” Jim told the boy.

George nodded and stared at Spock. “Your ears are really pointy.”

“George, that is impolite.”

“Well, they are!” George insisted.

“Yes,” Spock said. “That is a common feature of my species.”

George smiled. “Cool.” And then he turned and left the kitchen once more.

“Sorry about that,” Jim said.

“I am not offended.”

“I know,” Jim said softly. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yes.”       

Chapter Text

“This is a rare pleasure,” Bones said as he took his seat across from Jim at a booth in a little café just down from Starfleet Headquarters.

Sammy sat next to Jim in a highchair. He’d dropped off the boys at school prior to meeting Bones for breakfast.

“For once I didn’t have a meeting first thing.” Jim handed Sammy a little sippy cup. “I’ve got an afternoon meeting, though, so if you could pick up the boys, I’d really appreciate it, Bones.”

“No problem at all.”

Bones had semi-retired from Starfleet, even though he wasn’t that old, really, but he said he was tired of space. He acted as a medical consultant for the Federation which freed up a lot of his time. Fortunately for Jim.

“And Christine won’t mind?”

Just five years ago, Bones and Christine Chapel had decided to officially become a couple and live together. Both insisted marriage wasn’t necessary. But whatever, it seemed to work for them.

“Nah, she loves the kids.”

“Good.” Jim smiled. The waitress appeared to take their orders and when she left the table, Jim said, “So you’ll never guess who showed up at my door last night.”

Bones sipped his coffee. “Animal, vegetable or mineral?”

Jim laughed. “Animal.”

“Hmm. Male or female?”

“Male.”

“Human or otherwise?”

Jim smirked. “Well, I’d have to say that’s a tough one to answer.”

Bones’ eyebrows shot up. “Spock?”

Jim nodded. “In the flesh, yeah.”

“Well, shit. After all this time?”

Jim reached over and grabbed Sammy’s little fist as it banged against the highchair table. “No, no, sweet pea.”

Sammy giggled.

“Yeah, after all this time,” Jim said. “Surprising, right?”

“I’ll say. How’d he look?’

Jim snorted. “That’s your first question?”

Bones shrugged. “Well those bastards don’t age like us, so yeah I’m curious.”

“Good. Really good.”

“Figures,” Bones grumbled. “What he want?”

“That’s the million dollar question for sure. To reconnect.”

“Reconnect? With you?”

“Who else?”

“Didn’t he go to New Vulcan to bond with a Vulcan woman to make hobgoblin babies?”

“He couldn’t.” Jim laughed when Bones started asking about impotency. “No, not that couldn’t. He can make babies, Bones. He gave them his sperm for that.”

Bones grimaced. “That’s something I didn’t need to know.”

The waitress returned to their table with Bones’ eggs and potatoes and Jim’s pancakes, as well as a small bowl of baby cereal for Sammy. Jim cut off a little of his pancake and handed it to Sammy, who happily shoved it in her mouth.

“Spock couldn’t bond, Bones.”

“Nobody wanted him?”

“Bones.”

His friend rolled his eyes. “What, then?”

“He discovered he had a dormant bond,” Jim explained, slathering butter on his pancakes.

“When was the last time I checked your vitals?” Bones asked, pointedly staring at Jim’s actions.

“I’m sure they’re fine. Stop distracting me.”

“So Spock already had a bond with someone and so he couldn’t sacrifice himself on the Vulcan altar of logic, is that it?”

Jim nodded. “That sums it up.”

Bones shook his head and took a bite of eggs. “I’m guessing that bond wasn’t with Uhura.”

Jim’s heart squeezed a little even at the memory of Spock with Uhura. Sure, it was years ago, now, and Jim’d had Spock afterward, but yeah, sore subject.

“No, it was not with Uhura.”

Bones stared at him for a moment. “Why am I not surprised?”

“He knew before I married Carol,” Jim told him softly. He handed another bit of pancake to Sammy.

Bones nodded. “That doesn’t surprise me either. He came to me once asking all kinds of questions. Didn’t really think about it honestly. But I did tell him you and Carol were getting married.”

“He told me.” Jim sighed. “I wish he had told me all this then.”

“Would it have changed anything, Jim?”

“I don’t really know, Bones. I loved Carol. We got together at a time when things were really bad for me. The breakup with Spock…I didn’t think I was going to get through it.”

“I remember.”

“But Carol was great and so patient. And when we got married, I was honestly happy for the first time in…I don’t know, years maybe.”

“And you have the kids.”

Jim smiled. “I know. Knowing them as I do now, there’s no way I’d give that up. But then…I don’t know.”

“So, what’s this about reconnecting? What’s he want now?”

Jim finished off his coffee. “Just what you think he wants.”

“He wants to be bonded to you now? After all this time?”

“Yeah.”

Bones frowned. “I don’t think I like that.”

“Why?”

“Jesus, Jim, you remember how it was. Your breakup nearly killed you. Literally.”

Jim winced. “I know. I’ve got the scars to prove it. But I’ve been thinking about that. If we really had this bond or whatever, maybe that’s a large part of why it was so painful.”

“All that Vulcan Voodoo crap.”

“Maybe. It’s a theory anyway.”

“And just like that you’re supposed to welcome him back with open arms.”

Jim shook his head. “He knows it’s not going to happen like that, Bones. I told him I had to think about all this.”

Bones scowled. “Thank God for small favors. And he knows you come with three kids, right?”

Jim laughed. “It’s hard to hide that, Bones.”

“And what about you, Jim? Do you even love Spock?”

Jim smiled faintly. “I’ll always love Spock. From the first time I saw him until I take my last breath.”

“Great,” Bones muttered. “Here we go again.”

****

“Thanks, Phil. I appreciate it.” Jim shook Phil Keefer’s hand as he got up to leave his office. “If Spock says Saavik did nothing wrong on that last mission, I am certain she did not.”

“Well with you vouching for them both, Jim, and Captain Spock’s exemplary record, I’m pleased to see the whole matter dismissed,” Admiral Keefer told him.

“Me, too. Dinner next Wednesday?”

Keefer smiled. “I’ll check with Marion, but it should be fine. Thanks for stopping by, Jim. I know how busy your schedule is.”

“No problem. And now I’m off to go get the kids. Goodnight, Phil.”

“Night, Jim.”

Jim left headquarters and made the short trip to Bones’ apartment to pick up the kids, who eagerly traipsed out to the hover car. After strapping them all in, Jim headed home.

“Can we have pizza tonight, Daddy?” George asked immediately.

Jim should have known George wouldn’t forget. “Were you good for Uncle Bones and Aunt Christine?”

“Yes,” George said solemnly.

Jim eyed David. “Was he?”

“Yeah, he was pretty good,” David said.

“Okay, we can get pizza.”

“Yay!”

Jim smiled as even Sammy clapped her little hands. She didn’t eat pizza, she just liked George’s enthusiasm.

“Will Captain Spock be joining us, Dad?” David asked.

“I think so. I invited him to come last night as he was leaving.” Jim pulled the hover car into the bay by their house. “Is that all right?”

David nodded. “Sure. I wanted to ask him about his study of science.”

Jim should have known. David had already mentioned several times his interest in science. Kids grew up way too fast, Jim decided.

And they all piled out of the car and into the house to wait for Spock.

Chapter Text

This time when Spock knocked it was Jim himself who opened the door. He’d changed out of his admiral uniform, or so he imagined since he knew Jim had been at HQ earlier, and wore sweats and a soft gray T-shirt. It seemed to highlight the blueness of Jim’s eyes, always a particularly pleasing aspect of Jim’s appearance.

“Hi, Spock,” Jim greeted him with a warm smile that made Spock’s heart do a little flip.

As Spock thrust the small bag he carried at Jim, the admiral’s gaze switched to it instead of Spock and Spock was able to breathe again.

“What’s this?” Jim asked, peering into the bag.

“Apples,” Spock explained. “I recall you had a particular fondness for them.”

And then the blue gaze rose and Spock was caught all over again.

“Thank you, Spock. Come in.” Jim stepped aside for Spock to gain entrance. “We’re going to order pizza but I thought I’d wait for your opinion on what to order.”

“So George was successful in his persuasion of you.”

“I’m pretty much wrapped around their little fingers,” Jim replied. “Come in.”

David was sitting, holding a PADD, while George was lying on the floor of the living room watching some sort of holovid. Sammy, absent from the room, was likely put down in her own room.

“Good evening,” Spock said formally.

“Hello,” David returned.

George didn’t respond, seemingly engrossed in his program.

“I’ll order the pizza in a few minutes, boys,” Jim promised. “Come with me, Spock.” And Jim led him into the kitchen.

Jim took an apple out of the bag and put the rest in the refrigerator. “Got any preferences other than no meat toppings?”

“Negative. I do not eat a lot of pizza, so whatever your family would like is acceptable to me.”

“The kids love it. Of course I guess Vulcan kids probably never developed a fondness for it.”

“Indeed.”

“You want tea?”

Spock nodded. “I would be grateful.”

Jim chuckled a little and shook his head.

“What amuses you?”

“You haven’t really changed, Spock.”

Spock was uncertain if that was meant to be a good thing. “Admiral?”

“Yes, Captain?”

Spock knew Jim was attempting to tease him. “I have recently come from Starfleet Headquarters.”

“Right.”

“I was informed by Admiral Keefer that the charges against my first officer have been dropped and the matter is considered closed.”

“Congratulations.”

“I believe you had something to do with it.”

Jim handed Spock a mug of tea with a shrug. “It was no big deal.”

“It was indeed a big deal. However, when I spoke of it with you yesterday it was not my intention to persuade you to go to such great lengths.”

“Spock, I didn’t go to great lengths. I simply had a conversation with Phil Keefer.”

“Nevertheless it has removed a great burden from Saavik and the rest of my crew. I did not intend to use my friendship with you for undue influence.”

Jim rolled his eyes at that. “Are you seriously complaining?”

Spock frowned slightly. “It is not my intention to—

 “Spock.”

“My apologies.”

Jim sighed. “I’m glad I was able to help. It was not a big deal. And I am glad it’s over. All right?”

“Yes, Admiral.”

Spock knew that Jim was very well liked among his fellow Starfleet officers. He supposed the multiple times he saved the Earth and other Federation planets had a lot to do with that.

Jim leaned against the counter holding his own mug of tea. “It’s going to be weird for a while, I guess, huh?”

“Explain.”

“I don’t know. Dancing around everything with us. We weren’t just friends, Spock.”

Spock exhaled very slowly. It helped with his ever wavering control. “I am aware of that.”

“I guess yeah, it would be hard to forget it.”

“Impossible,” Spock acknowledged. He sipped his tea and shifted awkwardly. “I was at your wedding.”

That earned him a surprised look. “Yeah?”

Spock was not sure why he blurted that out. “Yes. In the very back. I did not stay past the ceremony.” Which had been painful. More so than Spock had imagined before he’d attended.

“I didn’t see you.”

“It was for the best. You made…an attractive couple.”

Jim sighed a little. “I get it, you know.”

“Get what?”

“It’s hard to talk about me with Carol. Believe me, I know. There was all that time you spent with Uhura and I thought at times my heart was bleeding. I know it was every time I saw you together. The first time she kissed you in front of me it felt like she was flaunting it and it was just…it hurt like hell.”

“It was never my intention to hurt you or make you uncomfortable,” Spock said softly.

“No, I know that. Didn’t make it better or easier though. Carol was a big part of the last ten years, though, and if we’re…if we’re going to be anything—you and me—she’s going to keep coming up. She was the mother of my kids and my wife and I loved her.”

Spock could only nod.

“At the end.” Jim stopped, seemed to collect himself. “At the end of you and me, it was like I was steeped in this big, dark cloud, endlessly sad and mad, and so many things. It was breaking me, Spock.”

“I know,” Spock said quietly. “That is why you ended our relationship. I understood and agreed.”

“With Carol…she brought the sun. It broke through the clouds and claimed me and made me whole again.”

Spock said nothing, though he was aware his shields…his control was shaky.

“And I am not telling you this to hurt you or cause you pain,” Jim told him. “God, I love you, Spock.”

“As I love you.”

Jim nodded, licked his lips. “I’m just saying, this is really hard. Still. Every day I wake up and remind myself that she’s gone and it fucking kills me. I want you here. In my life. I do. But I can’t go back to the way it was between us at the end. I can’t do that again.”

“I do not wish for that either.”

George appeared at the edge of the kitchen.

Jim’s intense expression shifted immediately to a wide smile. “Hey, buddy. What’s up?”

“I’m hungry.”

Jim bent down and scooped up the boy, who looped his arms around Jim’s neck. “Well, I guess we’d better order that pizza then.”

George smiled and then eyed Spock. “Do you eat a lot of pizza, Mr. Spock?”

“I am uncertain as I have not had occasion to consume it very often.”

George scrunched up his face, then he brightened. “Better order two.”

Jim laughed. Spock loved Jim’s laugh. There was something joyous about it. “Two it is.”

“Yay!” George yelled happily as they went out of the kitchen to order pizza.

Chapter Text

There was probably something entirely too unfair about Spock looking so good, even now. Really to Jim’s eyes he hadn’t aged much since their days on the Enterprise. Vulcans lived longer than humans, of course, so it made sense that Spock wouldn’t look very different. Still unfair though.

Jim was aware he wasn’t as well-built as he once was. Married life had made him just a bit soft around the middle. And now with being a single father and working behind a desk he didn’t have a lot of time to work out. And he relied a little bit too much on convenience food like the pizza they were now all eating.

Sadly, he hadn’t really worried that much about his appearance lately until Spock showed up on his door talking about bonds.

“You haven’t eaten much, Dad,” David said, noting Jim had not replenished his plate after his first slice of pizza.

Jim picked up the apple he’d removed from the bag of apples earlier and took a bite. “I feel like having an apple.”

Spock was on his second slice but he was eating it with a fork and knife, carefully cutting each piece off. It amused Jim but he didn’t comment on it.

“Do you like it, Mr. Spock?” George asked Spock. He’d chosen to sit next to the Vulcan and between Spock and Jim.

“It is edible,” was Spock’s reply.

George scrunched up his face and looked to Jim. “What’s that mean?”

“He likes it,” Jim told him. “Okay, time to do your homework.”

“I have already completed most of it,” David announced.

“Good, you can help George when you’re finished.” Jim rose and removed the plates. He headed into the kitchen.

“Captain, would you be willing to look at my science project and give your opinion?” Jim heard David ask Spock.

“Yes, I would be pleased to do so. But you may call me Spock.”

Jim smiled to himself and took care of the dishes. When he went back out to the living room, Spock was on the couch with David on one side and George on the other. They were all peering at David’s PADD.

“Um, guys, don’t bother Spock.”

“They are not bothering me, Admiral,” Spock assured him.

Jim laughed and shook his head. “All right, but don’t say you weren’t warned. They’ll stick to you like octopus’ tentacles.”

“What’s an octopus, Daddy?” George asked.

“A sea creature. Look it up.” Jim went down the hall to Sammy’s room. She was sitting up in her crib playing with a stuffed sehlat Jim had purchased for David when he was little. He remembered how surprised he’d been to find one at the toy store on Risa.

Sammy stood on her little wobbly legs and reached out for Jim. He scooped her up. “Daddy.”

He smiled. “Hey, sweet pea.”

If someone had told him even eleven years ago he’d live in a suburb of San Francisco with three kids and working at a desk as an admiral he would have thought they were fucking nuts. Now he thought maybe he was.

He loved the kids. Hell, who wouldn’t? He’d do anything for them. Had actually. He’d given up space for them and he fucking missed space exploration. Sometimes it ate at him. He was happy. He was.

“You are sad.”

Jim turned to see Spock standing in the doorway.

“Is there something I can do?”

“How’d you even know?”

Spock stepped inside the room. “Body language for one and I…feel some of your emotions from the bond we share.”

Jim frowned. “You said it was dormant.”

“It is not entirely. It has not reached full potential but our close proximity affects the bond and my part of it.”

“Just yours?”

“Since you are psi-null, before full maturation of the bond, yes.”

“Okay.” Jim nodded. “So is it just because we’re here together or were you affected before you came? Did you always feel something on your end of the bond?”

Spock hesitated, which told Jim what he wanted to know.

“You did?”

“Very faintly. It is stronger now. Most of the time I was able to shield it.”

“Most of the time?” Sammy slapped his face lightly. He grabbed her little hand and held it.

“The best way to describe it is some of your stronger emotions bled through sometimes. I dealt with it by strengthening my shields.”

Sammy leaned away from Jim and toward Spock. Her little hand clenched and unclenched as she stared near the top of Spock’s head. “Pointy.”

Jim refrained from laughing. Barely. “Uh, no sweetie. We don’t grab other people’s ears.” He eyed Spock. “Want to hold her?”

Spock blanched. There was no other word for it. “I…uh. Admiral.”

“Come on, Spock. There’s no need to be afraid. She’s just a little girl.”

“I would rather not.”

Jim did laugh then. “Spock, if you and I are going to be bonded for life or whatever, you do know you’ll have to deal with it.”

Spock straightened and exhaled very slowly. “Very well. Pass me the child.”

“It will be fine, Spock. I promise.”

He passed Sammy over to Spock who held her way out far away from him, kind of dangling in the air.

“No, no. Closer. Like I was doing. Balance her kind of on your hip. There you go. Like that.” Jim grinned at seeing goldie locks Sammy in the very proper Vulcan’s arms. “Can you say, Spock, Sammy?”

“Spock,” she repeated, happily smiling and staring rather in awe at Spock.

“Well. This is…interesting,” Spock said quietly. Sammy pulled on his lip. “I believe her diaper is soiled, Admiral.” Spock pushed her quickly back into Jim’s arms.

“A big strong Vulcan like you afraid of a little natural function, Spock?” Jim rolled his eyes and took her to the changing table.

“Why are you sad?” Spock asked, returning to the subject he had first brought up when he’d entered the room.

Jim removed her diaper and began to clean her. He shrugged. “Just…you know. Sometimes I miss life on a starship.”

Spock nodded. “As do I. It is time for younger officers to explore.”

“We’re not that old, Spock.”

“Perhaps not,” Spock acknowledged. “But our lives have changed from those young explorers.”

“Yeah.” Jim sighed. “Takes some getting used to, though.”

“Indeed.”

Jim picked up a newly diapered Sammy, then went to the small sink in the room to wash his hands, balancing her on his one hip. “Are you ready to leave?”

“It was my thought to leave, yes,” Spock said. “I have an early meeting concerning my professorship at the academy.”

“You think it’s going to be permanent? Now that your first officer is cleared, can’t you go back into space?”

“Technically, yes. But as you are aware there are other considerations concerning my location now.”

“That’s true. I don’t want to keep you from space if that’s where you want to be, though.”

“Where I want to be remains unchanged.”

Jim frowned. “Meaning?”

“By your side, Admiral.”

Chapter Text

“Do you know who that is?”

“Everyone knows who that is!”

“What’s he doing here?”

“Don’t you know? Captain Spock used to be his first officer. He served under him on the Enterprise.”

“Oh, my God.”

Spock turned around at the chatter. He’d been about to point out parts of a lesson on the overhead screen when the whispers caught his attention.

Jim had entered the classroom, of course, wearing his Admiral uniform and wearing it exceedingly well, Spock thought. He hovered near the door but of course the cadets had noticed him immediately.

“Class is dismissed,” Spock announced.

The cadets all rose, and Spock should have realized this would happen, they all converged on Jim as though he was a celebrity, and Spock supposed he was.

“Without accosting Admiral Kirk, please,” Spock said loudly. “I am quite certain he isn’t here to be overwhelmed by cadets.”

Jim smiled at them as they all reluctantly went past him and out of the room. “Sorry about that. I didn’t intend to disrupt your class.”

Spock stepped out from behind his podium and down to where Jim stood. “Indeed. However, your legend precedes you.”

Jim laughed. “Hardly a legend, Spock.”

“I think you underestimate yourself, Admiral.”  Spock allowed his gaze to sweep over Jim. The uniform seemed made for him.

Jim smiled then. “Are you checking me out, Mr. Spock?”

Spock arched his brow. “And if I am?’

“I have no problem with it. I’m surprised. You never used to be so blatant.”

Spock shrugged. “We are older now. There is no time to waste as they say.”

“True.” Jim chuckled. “I didn’t come here just to interrupt your class. I thought maybe we could go to lunch.”

“That would be agreeable, but I recommend if you do not wish to be accosted by your admirers we choose a location off campus.”

“Honestly, Spock, you exaggerate.”

“How often were you stopped on the way to this classroom?”

“Uh.”

Spock nodded. “I thought so. I know a café that will accommodate both of our preferences.”

“Lead the way, Mr. Spock.”

****

“This does look good,” Jim commented as he looked at the menu.

They were seated outside. The day was warm and sunny without a hint of a breeze. Just down the street from the café was the Pacific Ocean.  Spock had allowed Jim to sit in the spot that would allow him the view of it.

“And you’re right, the view is amazing. I can see pretty far out to the sea from here.” Jim smiled. “It’s nice. I didn’t really get much of a chance to go to the ocean and definitely not the beach. I should take the kids sometime.”

“Why do you say definitely not the beach?”

Jim shrugged. “Carol wasn’t really a fan of the ocean or the beach. Complained about her fair skin and the sand.” He grinned.  “It wasn’t really that important, you know, I grew up in Riverside where there wasn’t any ocean. But when I was here at the academy I’d go. I even learned to surf. But she didn’t like it, so I didn’t go.”

“We should definitely go then.”

“You like the beach, Spock?”

Spock nodded. “Nyota and I would go sometimes when we first met. My mother used to speak of her fondness for it as well. So I would go when I could. I am certain your children would like to see it.”

“Yeah, I think they would.”

The waiter came by and Jim ordered a hamburger and fries while Spock ordered a quinoa with sun-dried tomatoes dish.

“I really shouldn’t eat like that,” Jim said with a sigh. “It just sounded so good.”

“I would not worry too much about it, Admiral. You are still quite fit.”

“Jim, Spock. Neither of us is on duty.”

“As you wish, Jim.”

“I miss command, exploration. I know my life is different now, I accept that, but still…”

“It is not the same.”

“No. I hear about everyone else, you know? Sulu’s captaining a ship now. He’s really happy from what he says. Everyone else…they’re still on ships.”

“Except Dr. McCoy,” Spock pointed out.

Jim grinned. “Yeah. He can’t bear to be parted from me.”

“Understandable.” Spock knew he was likely revealing too much, but it was not as though he was trying to hide his desire for more from Jim. 

Jim’s eyes softened. “You really want this, don’t you?”

“Clarify.”

“This bond. Between you and me.”

Spock inclined his head. “It is pointless to state otherwise. I came here, to San Francisco, to your home, with my intentions quite clear. It is your decision…your move if you will. Since I have stated what I wish.”

“It’s a lot of pressure,” Jim said softly.

“I do not intend it to be. You are aware of my regard. It has not changed.”

“I know. I love you, too.”

“The feelings between us have not been questioned for a number of years,” Spock agreed. “However, if it is your desire to maintain only a friendship rather than a romantic union, I will accept that.”

“Just a friendship? Would that work with the bond?”

Reluctantly, Spock nodded. It was not what he wanted. But he would accept whatever conditions Jim placed on their bond.

“We are t’hy’la. Friends. Brothers.” Spock paused. “Lovers if that is acceptable. But that level of physical intimacy is not required. Sharing a mind link would be, however.”

Jim’s gaze looked past Spock and out toward the ocean. “In the beginning, what we had…was the best thing I’d ever had. For the first time in my life I was happy. You were…amazing. I loved being with you.”

Spock nodded slowly though Jim did not look at him. “As I found contentment in your arms also.”

The intense blue gaze shifted from the ocean to Spock. He was caught in the depths. Captive to all that was Jim.

“I want that again.”

“As do I.”

Jim covered Spock’s hand with his own, tracing his index and middle fingers along the veins on the back of Spock’s hand.

“The truth is…I’ve never wanted anyone the way I wanted you. The way I want you…still.”

Spock blew out a shaky breath. “I am gratified. And I reciprocate.”

Jim smiled and moved his hand away just as the waiter arrived with their lunch.

Chapter Text

“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in,” Dr. McCoy declared with no little amount of glee when he opened his door to Spock and Jim.

“Bones.”

“Oh, I’ll be civil, Jim, no worries there.”

McCoy opened the door wide to allow them entrance into his high rise apartment in downtown San Francisco. They’d stopped by to pick up the admiral’s daughter, Sammy, whom Dr. McCoy had been watching.

“Been a long time, Spock,” the doctor said as he closed the front door.

“Indeed it has, doctor. Approximately ten years, three weeks, and two days.”

“Approximately, huh? Well as long as we don’t get too precise.” McCoy eyed him up and down. “Jim’s right. You don’t look like you’ve aged much.”

“I have aged the same amount of years as yourself and the admiral.”

“Haven’t changed at all, I see. Well, come on in then. Want something to drink?”

“We can’t stay long, Bones. Have to pick up the boys.” Jim went into the living room area of the apartment where Sammy sat playing with holographic blocks.

Sammy looked up and immediately her eyes lit up and she bounced excitedly. “Daddy.”

“Hi sweet pea.” Jim scooped her up.

It was plain to Spock that the curly blonde child had her father wrapped around her chubby little finger.

“Actually, Bones, we do have a huge favor to ask of you.”

“Oh?”

Jim glanced at Spock. “Is there a day—you pick—where you and Christine could keep the kids overnight?”

McCoy smirked. “Oh, I get it.”

“Bones,” Jim said, sounding exasperated.

“You and Spock want to get reacquainted without the kids bugging you.”

“Can you do it or not?”

“Of course I can,” McCoy chortled. “Just be sure, as usual, not to give me any sordid details.”

Jim snorted. “Like we would.”

“You can have tonight if you want. Just go get the boys and bring them here. We’re free to watch them.”

Jim glanced at Spock who arched a brow. “Okay, yeah, sure. I think tonight would work. Are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, go get the boys. Christine will be thrilled to have a sleepover.”

****

“So, here we are alone,” Jim said, leaning against the counter in his kitchen. “Feels kind of weird, huh?”

“Weird how?”

Jim shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just…it’s been years since you and I were alone like this. We’re not in public at a restaurant or at a Federation meeting. No kids here. No Bones.”

“No Carol,” Spock said softly.

“Yeah.” He lapsed into silence, wondering just what he could say. It shouldn’t still be awkward between them, yet it was. “I think, maybe, we should talk about what happened between us.”

“Agreed.”

“Should we go into the living room or something? Might be more comfortable to sit than stand in here.”

Spock nodded. “Yes.”

Jim went to the living room and sat on the couch. He was glad when Spock sat directly next to him.

“It’s not that I want to rehash painful memories, Spock, it’s just that, I think if you and I are going to be what you want us to be, we need to talk about it.”

“What I hope both of us want us to be,” Spock said then.

Jim smiled. “Yes. You know I want this to work. I always wanted it to work.”

“Sometimes over the years I have wondered where we went wrong.” Spock hesitated. “Where I went wrong.”

“You were right the first time, Spock. Our problems stemmed from both of us.”

Spock covered Jim’s hand with his. “You were unhappy, ashaya.”

“There was so much I didn’t understand then. For a long time I repressed my feelings for you, when you were with Uhura, and then it just…when I finally had you it became almost overwhelming.”

“Whatever reassurances I gave you were not enough.”

“No, they weren’t,” Jim admitted. “I thought you wouldn’t be the emotionless Vulcan with me.”

“But I was.”

“Yeah. I thought I was doing something wrong.”

“You were not. It is true that I did not understand your emotional needs,” Spock said, closing his fingers over the palm of Jim’s hand. “I thought the declaration that I wished to be with you was enough.”

“It should have been,” Jim whispered.

“Perhaps, but I was well aware you were an emotional being. But I was uncompromising. It had been implied by other Vulcans that you would be too emotional to be my partner— that you would not be supportive of my desire to live fully as a Vulcan—I became determined not to allow that to happen.”

Jim nodded, glanced down at their entwined hands. “I know. I think they had reason to fear that. I wanted you to feel like I did.”

“I felt deeply then and I still do.”

“Everything was so dark. The crisis with Ceti V. So many people dead and I was convinced it was my fault. And when I wanted you to comfort me—”

“I did not.”

“No. And then no matter how much I brought up bonding between us, you never wanted to talk about it. It was like…I wasn’t good enough for you to bond with.”

“Jim—”

Jim swallowed. “No, that’s all done. And what I did…I had no right. Not when we were supposed to be together.”

Spock tightened his hold on Jim’s hand. “I admit your infidelity hurt me more than I ever imagined.”

Jim exhaled and leaned toward Spock. “I know. I regretted it the minute it was done. If I could have taken it back, I would have.”

“But you could not.”

“No,” Jim whispered. “And the guilt and the depression just began to eat away at everything I thought I knew. When I saw the note from your father about T’Pring, it was like something snapped.”

“And I was entirely too logical about mating with her to create a child,” Spock said.

“It was so fucked up. I hated that you were going to just go sleep with her like it was nothing even though I’d just fucking done the same thing.”

“Ashaya, as humans say, it is water under the bridge.”

“I know,” Jim said. “But I wanted to talk about it because I don’t want to be that Jim and Spock. We never talked, really. It was as though just being together was enough and everything was supposed to work out, you know? But I never said what I needed and you never said what you needed.”

“And so?”

“And so, if this is going to work for us, Spock, we need that communication. I know we’re two idiot guys who don’t want to talk about feelings and all that. But if you need something, or feel something, or don’t think I am giving you what you require, you need to tell me and the same for me. If there’s one thing Carol taught me it’s that we really need to have a partnership. I don’t ever want us to shut each other out, Spock.”

“Nor do I.” Spock lowered his head slightly until his lips met Jim’s. It was a soft, gentle kiss, but full of promise. “Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”

Jim’s breath hitched. “I know.” He cupped Spock’s jaw. “Are you hungry? Should I make dinner?”

“I am hungry, but not for food.”

“Me too,” Jim breathed, feeling his cock swell with arousal. “Thank God for Bones.”

“Please do not refer to the doctor when we are about to engage in coitus.”

Jim laughed. “Some things don’t change.”

“Rather than soil the couch where your children sit, I suggest we move this to your bedroom.”

Jim licked his lips. “Yeah, we should. But I don’t want to move.”

Spock stood and then scooped Jim up into his arms. Jim looped his arms around Spock’s neck as Spock headed down the hall toward the master bedroom.

The door was open so Spock walked in and laid Jim on the bed as though he was fragile and would break. Jim smiled.

“You know I like it rough,” Jim reminded him. “You don’t have to treat me like I am made of glass.”

Spock arched a brow. “We have not been together physically for over ten years, I would like to make love.”

“Okay, okay. Have it your way. Next time then.”

“After dinner?”

Jim grinned. “Oh yeah.”

Spock removed Jim’s clothes far too slowly as far as Jim was concerned but he allowed it since Spock seemed to want to take his time. He didn’t totally blame him. It had been a long time for both of them and savoring it did seem like a good idea.

When he had Jim completely naked, Spock began to remove his own shirt, but froze. “I did not think of lubricant.”

“Fortunately, I did,” Jim said. He rolled over onto his stomach and crawled over to the bedside table where he had put the lube he’d purchased a couple of days ago.

When he turned back around it was to find his Vulcan naked and very aroused.

“You thought to acquire lubricant?” Spock asked with a raised brow.

“Well duh. How long have you known me, Spock?”

Spock’s lips quirked up very slightly. “Sometimes it seems like an eternity and other times as though it were not nearly long enough.”

“Better watch that, Mr. Spock. That sounded almost like romantic sentimentality.”

“It is true that you are so steeped in illogic that it begins to rub off on those around you.”

He laughed. “I see that. Come here.”

Spock knelt on the bed until he was looming over Jim. His hand went to Jim’s face.

“You want to meld us?” Jim wondered.

“If I do, it may complete the bond,” Spock replied. “I am not certain you are quite ready for that.”

Jim nodded. “Yeah. Maybe soon, though, all right?”

“Whenever you are ready, ashayam.”

Spock kissed him deeply, long and thoroughly, his tongue slipping inside Jim’s mouth. Jim moaned into the kiss, all the old desires, passion, and love coming to the surface. Though Spock hadn’t melded with him he could feel Spock’s emotions through the contact of their skin, proving Spock no longer shielded from him. They matched his own love and need.

He spread his legs as Spock slicked his fingers with lube and then he released his held breath as Spock’s digits entered him, pushing past his tight muscle.

“You are all right?” Spock asked, breaking their kiss long enough only to ask.

“Yeah, fine. It’s, um, obviously been a while.” Jim smiled in reassurance. “You were the only one.”

Spock’s brown eyes looked like melted chocolate as he retook possession of Jim’s lips. When Jim was loose and ready, Spock rose above him and entered him with one swift and deep thrust. Spock’s hand moved from Jim’s face to hold Jim’s hand high above his head, lacing their fingers together as he drove inside Jim with slow intimate precision.

Jim’s sensitive, erect cock rubbed against Spock as he moved within Jim, pulling moans of ecstasy from him.

And it was true, Jim had never allowed anyone else to take him like this. Only with Spock did he allow this vulnerability, this intimacy. Now Jim didn’t want anyone else. Just Spock. For the rest of whatever time they had left.

Spock moved his lips from Jim’s to Jim’s throat as he bit at Jim’s pulse point.

“Spock, oh God, Spock.”

“T’hy’la,” Spock groaned as he tensed and spilled his seed into Jim. A moment later, Jim followed Spock with his own release and they collapsed together, just a mixture of limbs twisted together.

“It has been far too long,” Spock whispered, stirring later.

“Yeah,” Jim agreed, kissing Spock’s chest. “Let’s not make it so long next, huh?”

Spock nodded. “I will be ready in approximately sixty point three minutes.”

Jim laughed. “Okay, good to know.” Then he grew serious. “Will you stay with me?”

“I thought that was the point of having the children stay over with Dr. McCoy.”

“It was. I mean, not just tonight.”

“Are you certain you want that so soon?” Spock asked quietly, rising up to stare down at Jim, meeting his gaze.

“Is it soon? Seems like we’ve wasted a lot of time.” Jim felt his chest tighten. “You don’t want to?”

“I want it more than I have words to say, Jim.”

“Yeah?” He smiled.

“But we should explain to your children first.”

Jim nodded. “Okay. Yeah.” He looked at Spock with a teasing glint. “So, as long as sixty minutes?”

He felt Spock’s amusement through their skin contact.

“Possibly less,” Spock admitted as he leaned in for a kiss.

Chapter Text

 “You really like my dad, don’t you?” David Kirk asked Spock as he assisted Spock in preparing a vegetarian dinner for Jim and his children.

Spock had offered to cook them some of his native dishes, though it was admittedly difficult to find all the ingredients that had been native to the now extinct Vulcan. He’d had to substitute some of the original ingredients as certain vegetation had not done as well on the colony as it had on the original planet. Spock had asked David if he would like to assist in preparing the meal and David had readily, if quietly, agreed.

“I have been and always shall be his friend,” Spock replied in his usual answer.

To Spock’s surprise, David shook his head. “That’s not what I mean.”

“Is it not?”

David’s blue eyes—so beautiful like both his father’s and mother’s— rolled in a fair imitation of Dr. McCoy. “You like him like him.”

Spock did not understand the point of saying it twice and opened his mouth to inquire as to the meaning.

“You look at him the way Mom does,” David said softly. “Did.”

“I see.” Spock nodded. “I will not deny it. However, it is not my intention to make you uncomfortable, David.”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t. I mean…he’s my dad. I want him to be happy.”

“That is admirable.”

“Since Mom died, he hasn’t been. He’s been…sad. But when you got here, things have changed since. He’s more like my dad was before.” David was now looking at his hands which were clenched in front of him. “Mom would want him to be happy, too. Don’t you think?”

“Your mother loved your father very much, so I would agree.”

David nodded and licked his lips, just like his father, and Spock felt a little squeeze in his side at these miniature Kirks that were heartbreakingly like Jim.

“So, yeah,” David said, looking up to meet Spock’s gaze. “If you make Dad happy, then I’m glad.”

Spock turned to the item he was cooking on the stove. “Does that mean that if your father and I made our…friendship…more permanent, you would not voice an objection?”

David scrunched up his face. “Huh?”

“You would be okay with your father and I being together?”

“Oh.” David nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

Spock felt a great deal of relief for he had suspected Jim’s oldest son would pose the most difficulty. Sammy was quite young and even George had not known Carol for as long as he should have. But David had known their mother the longest and would likely have the largest adjustment of any of Jim’s children.

“Even if I make this my home as well?” Spock asked carefully, wanting David to fully understand.

“Yes, Captain.”

Spock allowed a small smile to show. “You may address me as Spock when you are not on duty.”

David returned the smile. “Aye, Captain. I mean…Spock.”

Jim stepped into the kitchen then, dramatically sniffing the air. “Something smells kind of good.”

Spock arched a brow. “Kind of?”

Jim laughed. “I know, stop being ungrateful.” He rested his hand on David’s shoulder. “Everything going all right?”

“Yes,” David replied. “I like vegetarian food.”

“Oh, God, not another one,” Jim joked.

“You can set the table,” Spock told him.

“Hey, hey, I just came in to check, not be given a task.”

Both Spock and David stared at him.

“Fine,” Jim grumbled, grabbing the plates and going into the dining room.

****

Spock went into the hallway just as Jim opened his front door to Dr. McCoy and Christine Chapel. Jim has asked if they could be invited and Spock would indulge Jim with anything he wanted.

He had learned years before that the doctor would always be part of Jim’s life and though there were times Spock felt left out of their close friendship, he had never begrudged it. Spock could even admit a little that he considered the doctor a friend to him as well.

Dr. McCoy embraced Jim. “Still hanging around with Spock, huh?”

Jim grinned. “I’m keeping him.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “Figures.”

“Leonard, behave yourself,” Christine Chapel admonished. She smiled at Spock. “It’s been years, Mr. Spock. It’s a pleasure to see you.”

“It is nice to see you as well,” Spock replied. “I am ready to serve dinner so if you find seats at the table, I will be out momentarily.”

Spock returned to the kitchen and was gratified to find David waiting for him once more.

“I’ll help you bring out the food,” the boy said.

“I appreciate it.”

They brought out the three serving dishes to the table. Spock noted that Sammy’s highchair had been placed next to Christine, who sat next to Dr. McCoy.

On the other side of the table George sat closest to Sammy, then Jim, then David and at the head of the table, Spock. He was uncertain he wished to be placed at such a prominent spot, preferring Jim sit there, but it was not worth making a fuss, so he took the seat.

After a few minutes, Christine spoke up, “This is delicious, Spock.”

“Thank you. David assisted me as well.”

“Well an excellent job, David.”

“Thank you,” David said with a shy smile.

“Speaking of, David,” the doctor said, waving his fork. “What’s this I hear about you being a scientist?”

“You don’t want to be a captain like your dad?” Christine asked.

David glanced at his father who gave him an encouraging smile. “I want to be a scientist like Mom.”

“That is an admirable goal,” Spock said quietly.

David blushed a little as he looked once more at his father. “I think what Dad did was great, but I like science.”

Jim smiled. “I’m pretty sure your mother would be thrilled to hear it. And as proud of you as I am.”

David grinned. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean it’s pretty obvious I like scientists.” Jim met Spock’s gaze and his smile widened. “You can be whatever you want, David.”

“Sure,” McCoy spoke up. “Don’t forget I’m something of a scientist, too.”

“No one could forget you, Bones,” Jim assured him.

Christine patted Dr. McCoy’s hand and then turned to Sammy to give her something to eat.

Sammy shook her head. “Daddy!”

Christine sighed. “Such a daddy’s girl.” She handed Sammy down to Dr. McCoy and over to Jim.

“Hey, princess.”

Sammy smiled happily as her father held her. Jim picked up one of the vegetables and held it out to her. She munched it.

“You like that?”

“Like.”

“Spock made it,” Jim told her.

Sammy turned to look at Spock. “Spock.”

“Yes,” Spock replied.

Jim laughed. “He’s cute, huh?” he asked Sammy.

She stared at Spock a moment and then started opening and closing her pudgy hands in his direction.

“Oh, that’s her way of saying she wants you to hold her,” Jim said.

Spock backed up a little in his chair. “I do not think—”

“Oh, brother, Spock,” McCoy said with a snort. “Don’t be afraid.”

“I am hardly afraid, doctor.”

To Spock’s dismay Jim handed him Sammy.

For several seconds of silence Sammy and Spock stared at each other. She put out her right hand and flattened it on his cheek. Spock arched a brow. Sammy tilted her head and then patted his face.

“Pretty soon Sammy’s gonna be raising her eyebrow just like the hobgoblin,” McCoy muttered.

“Daddy?” George tugged on Jim’s arm.

“Yeah?”

“What’s a hobgoblin?”

****

The sliding door behind him opened and a moment later Jim’s hand was on his back.

“You’ve been out here for a while. Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“Bones and Christine just left. Kids are in bed.”

“I apologize, Jim. I should have assisted you.”

“It’s all right, I managed.” Jim came to stand in front of him, taking Spock’s hands in his. “Is this too much for you?”

Spock stiffened. “Clarify.”

“Having everyone over.”

Spock blew out a relieved breath. “I thought perhaps you referred to yourself and your children.”

Jim smiled a little, his blue eyes intense. “I didn’t. Should I have?”

“Negative. You and your children are not too much for me. Sometimes all the human emotions in a room can overwhelm me, though, which is why I came out here.”

“I’m sorry,” Jim said softly.

“For what?”

“I should have thought of that. I know you’re trying really hard. I just…I wanted everyone together.”

“There is nothing wrong with that, t’hy’la. You may always do as you want, I only wish to have you be happy.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Explain.”

“You don’t have to suppress everything you think and feel because of our past. What I want is not more important than what you want.”

“It is to me.” Spock shook his head. “My emotional health is reliant on yours as my mate.”

“What I feel is still not more important than how you feel,” Jim insisted.

“All I need to remain happy for the rest of my life is you,” Spock told him softly.

Jim kissed him. “I can’t promise the rest of your life. But I can promise the rest of mine.”

It would have to be enough. Only for Spock it never would be.

Spock closed his eyes and wrapped Jim in his arms. He inhaled the scent of his mate, his love, his t’hy’la. “Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”

“And I you.”