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Chapter Text

As they neared the door to the Three Broomsticks, heart pounding in her ears, Hermione pulled Ginny aside with more strength than expected.

“Ginny, these people are my coworkers and almost friends. You are not to say anything remotely inappropriate to them”

“What on earth are you on about,” the ginger smiled coyly at her in a way that reminded her of Fred and George. The comparison did little to calm her nerves.

“You are the most crass person I’ve ever spoken to. And I am begging you not to say anything crude in front of anyone here. There’s a reason Harry and I don’t let you come!”

“I can’t believe you would insult me like this! I am your dearest friend and am frankly hurt that you and my husband are teaming up on me like this. If you’re going to tag team me, at least do it naked as my 30th birthday present like I’ve been begging of him for years.”

“See that! Exactly that! You cannot make jokes about having a threesome with me in front of my coworkers. The fucking Slytherins will be there and the snakes will never let me live anything you say down”

“But you let Lavender go down on you in fifth year!”

Hermionie’s magic crackled and Ginny finally took took the hint.

“Jesus, the fact that Harry was the one to kill Voldemort and not you will never cease to amaze me. I promise to be on my best behavior and not say anything that would force you to have an HR nightmare. I’ll be such a good girl for you, I promise,” said Ginny. Throwing her a wink, unable to help herself. Hermione thoroughly regretted drunkenly telling her about her praise kink at the last girls night.

“Ginerva,” and she hit her with a look of pure mirth, her warning clear as day.

Thankfully, Harry walked up just then to save the situation.

“Harry, back me up and tell your wife she needs to tone it the fuck down tonight”

“I can’t believe you to are teaming up against me and not on-“

“She already made that joke? Jesus, it’s not even 9 pm, dear,” Harry laughed until he saw Hermione’s face. She and Basilisks seem to both have the face to kill with a single stare.

“Hermione, she’s winding you up and you know it. She will be fine. Now let’s just go in and get you good and proper drunk. I will deal with my wife.”

“H, you know I wouldn’t actually do anything to hurt your job. You just make it easy to wind up,” she hooked her arm in Hermione’s and felt her finally relax.

“I know I know, you’re just such a damn wildcard.”

“I promise to be the picture of dignity tonight,” said Ginny, pushing the door open. Just when Hermione thought she was in the clear, “and I swear I won’t mention to a certain platinum blonde about the wet dreams you’ve been having of him since 3rd year.”

Ginny pulled her over the threshold of the pub, and Hermione knew she’d live to regret this night forever.

The crowd was already in full swing when the trio arrived. The department of law enforcement had such a shit show of a day, that all of them cut out as soon as they could and started drinking immediately. As Harry, Hermione and Ginny approached, it was clear that they had quite the catching up to do.

“Oh my fucking god. Yes yes yes, Ginny get your pert ass over here,” squealed Pansy Parkinson.

Hermione and Harry caught each other’s eyes with a fear in them they hadn’t seen since the war. Pansy and Ginny together were a more formidable force than Bellatrix and Voldemort.

They weren’t really sure how or why, but the further they got from the war, the closer they got to be with people they previously believed to be forever enemies. Working at the ministry forced them to collaborate with all sorts of people across all sorts of departments, projects and deadlines causing interactions between the most unlikely of pairings. Now ten years post war, their social web was a tangled mess of green, gold, blue and yellow.

Pavarti Patil was chatting with Theodore Nott about her latest project, her affinity for divination pushed her into the department of mysteries. And the Nott families affinity for throwing money around the ministry, pushed him into the Unspeakable program as well.

Hannah Abbot was sandwiched between Neville Longbottom and Blaise Zabini, animatedly chatting about trade regulation of Devil’s Snare.

Roger Davies, Cho Chang and Ron Weasley were having a heated argument about the Chudley Cannons chances, or lack thereof, of the World Cup this year.

The blonde who Ginny mentioned haunting Hermiones dreams was nowhere to be seen, causing her to exhale in relief. She’d had a particularly vivid dream of him last night and knew she wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye without picturing him on his knees with his face buried in her...

Someone bumped in to her, thankfully pulling her out of her naughtiest of thoughts only to feel butterbeer slop all down her back.

“Shit, sorry Granger. I didn’t mean to get you all wet. Fuck, look you’re soaking.”

She looked up and saw Malfoy, who had been trying to balance one-two-many drinks and failed splendidly. Clearly having no idea all the ways his words were applying to said conversation. Hermione vanished the spilt drink with a flick of her wand and regained her composure. The butter beer acting as effectively as a cold shower.

“It’s fine Malfoy. Don’t worry about it,” she said trying to avoid eye contact. Thankfully, his tall frame meant that her natural gaze hit right at his pecs. Unthankfully, she was now forced to see his formidable chest and delectable arms, the fabric seemingly screaming against his bulging biceps.

“Here, Potter, I got you the shittiest muggle beer I could find,” Malfoy smirked as he handed Harry his drink.

Malfoy and Harry’s friendship was the strangest of all those that had developed in their tangled web of schoolmates. They were assigned to work together in the Auror department. Harry’s was all instincts and gut feelings, where Malfoy was scheming and meticulous plans. After months of butting heads over a few pints at a department party, Blaise told them that they either fought so much because they were too damn similar, or had unresolved sexual tension. The pair burst out laughing and had been friends ever since. Boys were so simple, Hermione thought dully as she rolled her eyes just as a cold glass was pressed into her hands

“Granger, your martini. I grabbed a drink for your dear wife as well Potter, which was the one that pushed me over the edge and caused me to spill her butterbeer all over Granger. The world clearly needed to punish me for being far too nice to Griffyndors,” Malfoy drawled as he threw her a wink

“Honestly, it’s for the best Ginny didn’t get the drink. She’s absurd enough as it is,” said Hermione

“Yeah, Remember the time she got so sloshed at Victoires birthday party that she asked Draco if the rumors were true about being a ‘Slytherin Sex God’ and asked how long his snake was,” Harry smiled as though it was the proudest he’d ever been of his wife.

Malfoy’s cheeks slightly pinked while Hermione took the worlds biggest sip at the memory.

“Yes. She was definitely the drunkest there. Which wasn’t a huge competition, as it was a child’s second birthday and 10 a.m. But no luck on delaying the inevitable, she’s ripping shots with Parkinson as we speak” said Malfoy.

Hermione’s neck snapped to see Ginny and Pansy downing a very pink shot. She inwardly cursed ever liking Pansy enough to bring her to their girls nights and rushed over to them. She thought they’d wait until at least a few hours before they got into shooting Pink Pussy’s like their lives depended on it.

“Ah, Granger. Perfect. Knew that’d get your attention,” smirked Pansy.

“Parkinson and I have been talking,” Ginny began but was cut off by Blaise Zabini sitting down next to them and saying “never a good idea.”

“Blaise, darling. We are having girl time. Why don’t you go back to eye-fucking Penelope Clearwater. You love doing that,” snapped Parkinson.

“One, I plan on doing more than eye-fucking her. Two, Ginny never is allowed to come to these things and I am simply desperate to know why Potter and Granger insist on hiding her from us.”

Hermione went to try and stop this dangerous threesome from continuing before Ginny beat her to it.

“Hermione and Harry think I am a bit of a liability,” she said loudly enough to get the attention of the entire table, “but they simply don’t have faith in me. I will be showing everyone tonight how appropriate I can be. In fact, I’d like to begin tonight by a rousing discussion of muggle slang.”

Hermione knew this topic was too innocent for Ginny to bring up. She couldn’t possibly see how this would get inappropriate, but judging on the smirk on her best friends face, she knew it was inevitable.

“Well, as the Muggle Studies professor, I am happy to contribute to this discussion,” piped Susan Bones.

“Perfect professor, I would like to discuss a term I am newly familiar with. Do you know what BDE means?”

Susan burst into laughter and Hermione felt her stomach turn into knots. She knew that explaining that term to Ginny would come back to bite her in the ass. Especially since the very person she’d used as the shining example of it was here in this very room. As though he could sense it, Malfoy’s drawling voice came from behind her.

“Now, Bones, what on earth could the she-weasel be talking about that has you in such a state. Please, share with the class,” his signature smirk lighting up his features.

Hermione briefly allowed herself to take in his appearance. Malfoy was no longer the prejudiced prick he was in school but, unfortunately for her, was also not the skinny boy he was back then either. He towered over everyone, having to be around 6’4, and was all long legs and broad shoulders. He filled out perfectly, his body looking like a marble statue of a greek god. Something he clearly knew, as he wore clothing that looked like he’d gotten it tailored in the biceps and ass. Knowing him, he probably did. But tonight he had truly outdone himself. He was wearing a tight black sweater tucked into perfectly fitting charcoal trousers with a belt of snakes that slithered to form two G’s. Of course, Malfoy had taken the initiative to rid himself of his hatred of muggles by buying out the entire Gucci store. His Chelsea boots had a small G on them as well, the gold of them matching signet ring gleaming on his left hand. While the look was simple, Hermione thought it was quite possibly the sexiest thing she’d ever seen him in. She thanked Merlin he’d taken his wand holster off, or she’d have to leave.

Ginny’s next word snapped her out of her trance as she said

“It means: Big Dick Energy” she said, her eyes firmly locked with Draco’s.

The room erupted in laughter while, surprisingly, Susan began to explain further. How the hell did Ginny manage to get her as an ally?

“Yes. A muggle comedian is actually who inspired the term. He’s fine looking but nothing to write home about. But there is just something about him that exudes…just something. So everyone began talking about all the men they thought fell under that category. Or the opposite. Your nephew,” her eyes floated over to Ron and Ginny, “asked if they could write a paper on the topic.”

Hermione couldn’t help but laugh along at that as well. It was unsurprising to hear that he was walking in his uncles footsteps.

“Wait, I still don’t understand,” Nott began before Zabini cut him off

“Yes, of course you don’t.”

Nott ignored him.

“Can you please give us some examples of this BDE? I also feel examples of SDE would help me further understand the theory,” he pushed his glasses further up his nose and Hermione was suddenly reminded of him back at Hogwarts.

To her horror, Ginny answered,

“Oh my dearest Theodore. I truly thought you’d never ask.”

The look Ginny, Pansy and Theo shared caused Hermione’s heart rate to reach an unhealthy rate. They had planned this whole conversation.

“Well you see boys, it’s quite easy for you all to see what a girl has going on. But for us, especially us witches as we are forced to be surrounded by men who drown their gorgeous figures in robes, it’s nearly impossible to know what you’re working with. And although muggle mens wear makes it easier, on a completely unrelated note, Drakey, nice trousers,” Pansy said as she tossed him a wink and looked directly at his crotch. Malfoy flushed slightly and adjusted himself. Hermione tried not to stare.

“We still have no idea if the wand matches the wizard, so to speak. So it’s a bit of a fun game to try and guess. As far as an example of someone with BDE, Viktor Krum comes to mind.”

“So if you’re an international quidditch player that automatically means you have a huge dick? Perfect for me,” piped Oliver Wood as the table laughed.

Ginny and Hermione shared a knowing glance. I mean with a last name like that, it shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone, but Hermione couldn’t walk for a week after their one-time fling a few summers ago.

“Not necessarily,” Ginny began, “something about his energy. I mean he’s obviously talented but also brooding, and has this quiet confidence. Sort of one of those ‘it’s always the silent ones’ type thing.”

“But you could be wrong. I mean there’s plenty of people who overcompensate,” Zabini began before Pansy cut him off.

“While you’re right Zabini, Krum is confirmed. What did you say about him Hermione, that you couldn’t tell if you were fucking his dick or his broom handle?” She hit Hermione with a sly smile that Hermione was so tempted to hex off. Before she could think of something to retort, Nott cut in.

“Yes, yes. Viktor Krum has a cock so big it’s a wonder his broom can get more than a few feet above the ground. I was there that girls night Hermione regaled us with the tale. I think we’ve all got the concept. I’d love to know though, who do we all think has the opposite. Who just exudes SDE. Come on class, house points are up for this.”

Without missing a beat, all the boys said

“Fucking McLaggan.”

She heard Draco draw it out the longest, dripping with disgust from behind her right shoulder. Her body hummed at his proximity.

Everyone laughed, including Hermione, but faltered when she took one look at Ginny’s grin and knew what she was about to say.

“While that is an astute guess, the git seemed like he had to be overcompensating, we’ve confirmed that one as well.”

“Bollocks,” said Seamus Finnegan. “There is no way that’s true. I don’t want to live in a world where that prat has good reason to be cocky.”

“I wouldn’t have believed it either,” said Pansy, “if it wasn’t for our dear Granger. You know just how passionate she is about experimenting and solving puzzles. She’s the one who confirmed it, and she simply is never wrong.”

Before Hermione could even begin to deny the claim, Nott started talking.

“Yes, it was a very interesting tidbit I found out. At first I was annoyed, I mean just because I’m gayer than Dumbledore, god rest his soul, doesn’t mean I am interested in going to girls nights. But everything was worth it to hear Granger describe her hook ups with McLaggen. What was the exact quote again? ‘Do you know how fucking annoying it is for him to be hung like a centaur?’”

“This is absolutely horrible news” Anthony Goldstein said before downing his newly full pint

“Ah fear not my sweet,” Theo continued, looking hungrily at how well Goldstein’s throat accommodated 22 oz of beer in such a small amount of time “just because one has the size does not mean one has the skill. This story has it all: black mail, the Hogwarts restricted section and a happy ending, albeit a premature one.”

“Theo,” Hermione warned, but knew it was no use. That’s what she got for telling a secret to a Slytherin. Besides, McLaggen fucked up one of her most recent cases by claiming he spoke French, which she took as the language while he meant the kissing. He was certainly not fluent in either. The French Ambassador she was collaborating with was not amused.

“This story casts you in the absolute best light, you told me instead of Weaslette and it was my birthday 48 days ago. I’m telling it”

Fuck it. Hermione grabbed Malfoys expensive scotch and downed the whole thing, stealing herself.

“McLaggen came in a condom,” Theo said proudly.

Malfoy shifted behind her and whispered “You’re going to pay for that. Those 2 ounces cost more than your rent,” his tone far too aggressive for the scotch and money she knew he cared little about.

“I know you’re the purest of blood, but you know condoms are very normal and honestly a good call with knowing where that idiot has probably been,” Dean Thomas rolled his eyes, pulling her back to her imminent mortification.

“Oh you misunderstand me. McLaggen came in the condom as he was rolling it on,” he paused to let everyone die of laughter before continuing on with what he felt was the best part of the story.

“Of course he proceeded to get on his hands and knees and apologize to Hermione profusely with the usual. ‘This never happens,’ ‘I didn’t sleep last night,’ ‘you’re just so beautiful that’s why,’ blah blah blah. And he begs her not to tell a soul. Well the brightest and most empathetic witch of our age, took pity on him and said she wouldn’t tell. But needed something in return and as the bloke was already aptly positioned on his knees, they made a trade.”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME,” Ginny erupted and her red hair made it look like her whole body was on fire.

“You told me McLaggen ate you out up against every wall in the castle because you had created a potion to make your pussy taste like the scent of their amortentia.”

Each time she thought the group couldn’t laugh harder, they did. The sound was nearly drowned out by Malfoy whispering “naughty girl” against her ear. She downed his drink again, hoping it would mask how desperately she wanted him to say that again.

“Obviously,” she said in her best Snape impression.

“I took that potion every day for years and it was all a lie?”

“Is that why when you’d ask me how you tasted and when I replied ‘delicious’ you asked if I could use more descriptive adjectives’” Dean asked, trying not to die laughing.

“If you could refrain from reflecting on eating my wife out, I’d appreciate it,” Harry said, trying and failing to be menacing.

“Oh don’t get jealous darling. Nobody can top you and your parsle-tongue,” Ginny slurred, sticking her tongue out like a snake at the end.

“Let us not diminish all of my hard work! I missed quidditch tryouts because of it.”

“It’s okay Dean, I do still miss that BBC of yours. Another muggle phrase! I am such a woman of culture and intellect,” Ginny said shooting Dean a wink that Harry did not appreciate.

“What was in that potion Granger,” Ginny rounded back on Hermione.

“A contraceptive. Which you obviously needed,” which caused everyone to laugh, except for Ron.

“You are racking up quite a tab there Granger. However will you repay me” Malfoy drawled, pulling her attention back to him. Had he moved closer?

“Just because you grew up in a castle without any love and affection doesn’t make me a pauper. Both my parents are doctors, I live in a building with a doorman in the center of London and I make more money than you. Now if you wouldn’t mind getting the Caribbean cask next time. This last one was too peaty.”

The scent of Malfoys decidedly masculine cologne was overwhelming her, so much so she couldn’t properly process how truly obnoxious Blaise was going to be now that he’d had BBC explained to him.

Draco was about to respond scathingly when Pansy drew back their attention.

“Tell me, does blackmail get you off Granger? Is that why McLaggen did it so much for you?”

“I will say, your excitement when you trapped Rita in a jar forth year was borderline sexual,” Harry replied, ignoring everyones reaction to her trapping and blackmailing a formidable witch at the age of 14.

“It was not sexual, I was simply excited to have figured out she had reported all of those stories about you because I’m an amazing friend,” she snipped back.

“Really,” George Weasley appeared out of fucking nowhere giving her a look that all but swore it wasn’t going to end well, “is that why you blew Fred in a spare compartment on the Hogwarts express home?”

“Let us not speak ill of the dead,” Hermione replied quickly, wondering why George was there and why he and Ginny seemed to both want her life ruined.

“I was dead for all of 3 minutes before I was revived, thank you very much,” Fred replied, sharing in his twins ability to appear out of thin air.

Ron, who had mercifully been getting another drink, returned with his eyes roving over everyones stunned faces at this latest piece of gossip.

Draco came to her rescue “what we’re you saying Pans?”

His chivalrous move backfired as Pansy took the opportunity to change targets

“Draco darling, what was more scarring: Walking in on your mother sitting atop your sexy daddy’s face or walking in on your dear Aunt Bella throwing it back for the dark lord.”

The room absolutely lost it.

“I told you that under DURESS,” Draco said, his cheeks reddening “and do not call Lucius sexy or daddy.”

“Me withholding a blow job is not duress.”

Draco mumbled something that sounded like “it is when you’re 15,” while Pansy continued

“And Lucius is sexy. He was my sexual awakening.”

“And mine,” chimed in Theo and Daphne Greengrass.

“I thought I was your sexual awakening,” Draco turned on Theo, looking offended in a way he’d never admit to.

“You we’re when I realized I was gay, he was my sexual awakening. See with Lucius and the long hair, I could tell myself it was because he was more on the feminine side so I surely wasn’t actually gay. Don’t tell me you’re offended? I tried out for Quidditch just to see you naked. Does that help?”

“My father is not feminine, I am not offended, no that does not help because you were bloody terrible at Quidditch!”

“Touchy touchy. I was good at Quidditch when we played against teams with lots of girl members. I couldn’t help getting distracted seeing the Chosen Ones Chosen cock in that delectable Quidditch kit. No need to be so fussy all because I said I desperately wanted to pull on that gorgeous mane while I fuck your dear daddy.”

“WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!” Draco tried to regain control of himself. “And my father would certainly not be the one being fucked in this preposterous situation. Perhaps you would’ve excelled as a player if you were keeper, since it would lean in to your natural predilections.”

“You are so terribly sexy when you’re all worked up like this Drakey. Do you normally use such impressive vocabulary during dirty talk, I can think of a few swotty people who are dying to know,” Theo shot Hermione a wink that she tried to ignore as staunchly as she was ignoring how wet the idea of Draco dirty talking with an SAT worthy vocabulary was making her.

“Alright Theo, ease up,” said Blaise. Draco turned his stare to him, having a suspicion that this wasn’t going to improve the situation.

“Drake, would it help you to know that my sexual awakening was the idea of fucking both of your parents? OUCH,” Blaise winced as Draco’s stinging hex hit him on the arm.

“If I could obliviate the memory of you asking me if I thought my parents would agree to a threesome with you as a Christmas gift, I fucking would. Now for the love of God can we change the subject.”

“Oh Draco, don’t act like you don’t think about your da-father,” Pansy corrected, seeing Draco raise his wand to her, “during sex. I know if someone whispered ‘Draco, son I am so proud of you’ (she said in an uncanny Lucius impersonation) in your ear you’d come instantly.”

Hermione could feel his body radiating behind her with rage, his magic crackling behind him.

“It makes perfect sense to develop a praise kink in response to your trauma of a lacktherof in your childhood,” said Luna Lovegoods dreamy voice “like how I now like to be tied up as a response to residing in your dungeon during the war. It’s perfectly normal.”

The room went silent, in a way that could only be caused by one Luna Lovegood. Although she’d blame it on nargles.

“Ugh, thank you so much Lovegood. And here Harry and Hermione thought I’d be the one to absolutely ruin the mood. Now if you all don’t mind, I am going to take my husband and his chosen cock home. All this talk of school makes me want to role-play in our old uniforms. Pip, pip Potter.”

And with that, the group separated. Hermione rushed through the floo without looking back at any of them, torn between the feeling of overwhelming arousal and pure humiliation.

Chapter Text

Hermione woke up the next morning with a raging headache and hanxiety the likes of which she hadn’t seen since Ginny’s bachelorette party. She heard Crookshanks mewl, knowing he wouldn’t stop until she dragged herself out of bed to feed him.

She forced herself not to be sick over wet cat food as she fed Crooks, immediately flooing to the Potters to avoid the smell and hoping that yelling at Ginny would make her feel better.

“Ginerva Weasley you are a dead fucking woman,” she screamed the second she walked into Grimauld Place.

“My, my, with your hair looking properly wild, last nights eye makeup smeared, and that phrase, you could be a ringer for Bellatrix Lestrange,” Harry said as he eyed her from the couch. “Don’t yell, you’ll scare Sirius,” he scolded as the black dog, impervious to the yelling, bound over to lick every inch of her that he could. His massive tongue flitted into her mouth as she was opening back to retort to that particularly low blow.

“Merlin, shut up. I have a terminal hangover at the moment and you are not helping,” moaned Ginny as she thumped downstairs, looking as bad as Hermione felt.

“I will not allow your well deserved hangover to take credit for your murder. That will be my honor,” she snapped as Ginny snuggled up to Harry on the couch.

Not wanting to be caught in the middle, he got up offering to get hangover potion for them both.

“I didn’t even do anything bad last night! Most of the really embarrassing stuff I didn’t even bring up! I simply brought the conversation around to Malfoy’s suspected, nay, probable cause colossal cock. Which is a favorite topic of yours,” Hermione opened her mouth to deny it but Ginny plowed on, “the sexual tension between you two is insane and for two swots, you’re both so fucking stupid. The man is absolutely desperate for you and speaking of sexual tension we have to talk about Bellatrix.”

Hermione sighed, knowing she was right on multiple accounts but swearing to herself not to admit it. Plus the gossip was too good.

“I fucking knew it,” Harry returned with the literal liquid gold that is hangover potion, “I told you so many times Hermione and you brushed it off!”

“Yes because we were fighting for our lives in that blasted tent and all you wanted to talk about was being Master of Death and Bellatrix getting her back blown out. I was not disagreeing, simply trying to redirect your energy to something remotely helpful!”

“She was absolutely feral for that dick,” Ginny nodded thoughtfully, “oh to be an unregistered animagus insect on that wall. They must have been positively horrifying.”

“I was already on the brink of puking without this conversation please stop,” Hermione continued to groan, counting the seconds before her hangover potion kicked in.

“You know what always makes me feel better when I’m sick? Forgiveness. Judas always says forgiving an innocent, lovely, beautiful friend is the easiest way to heaven.”

“It’s Jesus, I haven’t been to mass in years and you are most certainly not forgiven.”

“I simply do not understand why not.”

“Hmm, let’s see. You told my coworkers about McLaggen”

“Technically that was Theo and Parkinson,” Ginny tried to cut in but Hermione hit her with a glare that had the effect of a strong silencio charm

“You planned that entire BDE conversation with them to bring up that topic in front of Malfoy, you told all my coworkers about Krum, about McLaggen, about blackmailing McLaggen, about blackmailing Skeeter and about Fred!”

“I literally didn’t say any of those things! Now, did I create a safe and welcoming environment in which everyone felt comfortable divulging parts of their past in a sex positive way? Yes. Did I foster friendships that we’re previously unable to make the jump from mere coworkers? Yes. Did I try and broaden everyones horizons by educating people, who mere years ago we’re blinded by prejudice, about muggle culture? Yes. So I am guilty. Guilty of caring too much, of loving too hard. And that is something I will never apologize for,” Ginny finished as dramatically as she could, wiping fake tears off of her eyes by the end.

“Why am I even friends with you?”

“Because one day, when Dragon Dick Draco is buried inside of you, you will thank me.”

Hermione threw a pillow at Ginny, which her Quidditch honed reflexes brushed off with ease.

“Now lets go to brunch, my treat, get positively plastered off mimosas and if you’re a good girl I’ll even buy you a book.”

“Stop calling me that,” Hermione ground out, but rose all the same. Knowing the greasy food combined with the hangover potion would cure her “and getting drunk will not help us escape this hangover.”

“I will stop saying it when Draco starts saying it. And I will be hungover, just not today. I have Mondays off anyways,” she said while stepping through the flew to Diagon alley as Hermione followed mumbling, “well I bloody don’t.”

“Ah but if you didn’t work tomorrow you’d miss out on your opportunity to ogle Malfoy’s fine ferret ass”

“Will you quiet please? We are in public,” Hermione begged to no avail. Pansy, Theo, Susan and Blaise we’re sitting at their table in perfect ear shot.

“Oh don’t look at me like I just strangled a niffler right in front of your face. Everybody knows at this point.”

“Yeah I wonder why?!”

“While I do love blaming things on Weasleys,” Blaise cut in “we have known about this unresolved sexual tension for years. I mean I lived with the guy, I heard him moaning your name in his sleep long before you both started getting paid to eye fuck each other at the ministry.”

“Are you sure it was him and not Goyle?,” Theo cut in “he was properly besotted with you.”

“Gee, Goyle, who did literally everything he could to emulate Draco. I wonder where he got the inspiration for his obsession,” Blaise snapped back.

Ginny looked like Christmas came early.

“Neither of those boys fancied me in school. Do you remember how horrid they were?”

“Don’t you know, boys tease the girls they have crushes on?” Pansy smirked at her.

“That is a dangerous and misogynistic trope that convinces women from a young age that toxic relationships are love—“

“Granger, let’s chill with the feminist rant until after I have a drink in me. Aht, aht don’t look at me like that. I am a true and proper feminist, I am simply too hungover for a Granger rant. Now let’s return to a universally favorite topic: Draco’s ass,” Theo said casually as he nodded at their usual waitress signaling for a full round of mimosas.

“I’d love to circle back to Goyle’s wet dreams about H actually,” Ginny said, chugging the entire mimosa the second the waitress set it down.

“Draco had the wet dreams. Goyle, the idiot couldn’t cast a proper silencing charm and we could all hear everything when he wanked. I mean I get it, we were randy teenagers but a silencing charm is just human decency. Nobody needs to hear him moan Grangers name,” Blaise said, eyeing Ginny with a mixture of awe and uncertainty and she waved for a second mimosa.

“I think him calling her mommy was where my issues arose. If I didn’t know I was gay then…” Theo trailed off.

“Theo, you used to borrow your house elves pillow cases, style them as dresses, add jewelry and other accents, and do fashion shows in the manor ballroom with Flopsy, Rish and Wabble. When was a time where you didn’t know,” Pansy shot back. Everyone laughed, being able to perfectly picture the scene.

“Oh sorry that I had to find a shred of joy in that ghastly house with my torturous, abusive, fashionless father. And actually, I was ahead of the time when it comes to fighting for house elves rights to accessorize. Just call me Granger!”

“Oh save us with your daddy issues, my father betrothed me to his grandfather, my great-grandfather. When I was 8,” Pansy scoffed as she demurely drank her mimosa.

“Ah but our trauma is so integral to our humor and personality. And not to one up but I’m pretty sure my mother murdered my father so let’s calm down with the abuse olympics. I obviously get the gold,” Blaise said.

“It’s such a wonder Slytherins weren’t popular with other houses,” Susan sighed “you guys aren’t uncomfortable at all.”

“One, I am highly adept at socializing,” Blaise shot back

“Fucking anything that moves doesn’t count,” Pansy said lazily as she waved for another drink

“Two,” Blaise said more loudly to drown her out “I went and smoked at Huffle-puff-puff-pass all the time and three, nobody can bring down the mood quite like one very non-Slytherin Luna Lovegood.”

“Yes I’m not sure what was cringier: you all waxing poetically about wanting to shag Draco’s parents, H narrowly avoiding her ex overhearing about blowing his brother before she’d so much as given him an OTPHJ, or Luna talking about the psychological ability to transform trauma into kinks,” Susan said, with a hint of a grimace on her face.

“It was really truly the best night of my entire life,” Ginny said dreamily, already on her fourth mimosa somehow, “I can’t wait for next weekend.”

“Absolutely not! That is never happening again. I am invoking an emergency girls night,” Hermione said wagging her finger at a now rather tipsy Ginny.

“Wow, Granger. You pretend to be all about bringing people together and yet here you are discriminating against gender,” Blaise replied. Hoping he’d get a rise out of her.

“Now, now, Blaise. I have not drank enough to deal with this argument. It is not discriminatory if it discriminates against straight men. You can plan a boys night and we can have a marvelous competition,” Pansy said, tapping his hand affectionately.

“I will flit between both and be the judge. My absolute favorite thing to do! We will rank based on the outfits, decor, drinks and overall vibe,” Theo exclaimed excitedly.

“I’m bi, why can’t I go to both too,” Blaise whined, hoping for some sympathy with Granger.

“Yes but we won’t be able to naked pillow fight and scissor with you there,” Ginny said back, dying over Blaise’s pained and jealous face.

“You specifically told me that didn’t happen!” He yelled at Theo, looking properly unglued.

“Like I would allow that in my presence. You just plan a good boys night and if you win, you get to go to the next one,” Granger said diplomatically.

“Swear? Make an unbreakable vow. Susan, you be bonder.”

“I am not making an unbreakable vow you absolute psychopath.”

“Think of it as blackmail! You love blackmail. And don’t act all innocent, Mrs. invent a fake potion to cover up said eating-out extortion,” Blaise said now practically banging his fists on the table.

“Speaking of, how hard do you think the idea of Granger inventing a naughty cunnilingus concoction made dear Draco last night. Those were always his two favorite subjects: potions and pussy,” Theo said.

“Harder than he was the match he beat Potter to the snitch in 8th year,” Blaise said back, grinning at the fond memory.

“Gods that game was erotic! Now let us part ways, I’ve already put everything on the Malfoys tab, for Blaise and I have a boys night to plan,” Theo shot up theatrically, with the slightest of a stumble.

Hermione groaned, the conversation forcing her hangover to return in full force as she dreaded seeing Malfoy the next day after spending a full brunch discussing his allegedly hard cock.

Chapter Text

Hermione knew she should feel relieved for avoiding Draco the past four workdays, and she was. In fact she didn’t miss him at all while he was away on a mission. She didn’t miss the coffee he brought her each morning or their standing lunch where they’d have rousing debates in her office. She was thrilled that she could no longer smell his light yet masculine cologne on her person. And she most certainly did not walk by his office to tell him about her latest findings, forgetting he was gone. But when he strolled in Friday morning, she thought the separation made it worse. That and the fact that—

“Malfoy what in gods name are you wearing?” she shrieked, trying not to look at the perfect specimen in front of her.

“Is that how you professionally greet a coworker Granger? And to think I brought you coffee,” he said sauntering over, cup in hand. It smelled fucking divine.

“You cannot lecture me on the ins and outs of professionalism while you’re dressed like that,” she said gesturing to his outfit, desperately trying not to gulp.

Draco Malfoy was wearing grey sweatpants. Gorgeous, fitted, expensive-looking grey joggers with a black t-shirt. He stood directly in front of her desk, meaning that from her seated position she was looking directly at the most incredible dick outline she’d ever seen. She was trying so desperately not to stare, and was just beginning to bargain with her subconscious that if she looked away she’d allow herself to write to McGonnagall to borrow a pensive so she might relieve this moment. Again. And again. And again. Preferably with a tape measure, when he drug her out of her reverie.

“Tell me, Granger, do I have something on my trousers?”

“Wh-what?” Hermione shakily said back, forcing herself to make eye contact with him again, willing her cheeks not to flush and her nipples not to rip through her blouse.

“Oh, I just thought there might be something on them by the way you’re staring. You could make a bloke self conscious, you know,” he said as he leaned his perfectly veiny forearms on her desk, grey eyes flitting down her silk button down from his high vantage point.

“Funny, I must have the same thing on my blouse,” she snapped back, desperately trying to regain control of the conversation.

He smirked in response, leaning back to make himself comfortable on the leather armchair reserved for guests while propping his feet up on her desk.

“You know my desk was quite happy to avoid your scuff marks all week,” she said, slapping his trainer clad feet off the mahogany.

“One pair of my shoes cost more than every item in this office, Granger. It is an honor for this hunk of wood to have something as luxurious as my feet on it.”

“Oh, I don’t know Malfoy. My order of Merlin is quite expensive for those who need to throw galleons at the minister to receive one. Even a third-class, like your daddy” she smiled sweetly, gesturing to her first-class framed above her.

“You seem to have lost your touch a bit since I’ve been gone, jokes about my dear father are simply too easy. Now do tell me what my golden girl got up to while I was away?”

She hated the term golden girl as a rule, but when it was proceeded by “my” and said by Draco Malfoy, she might make an exception.

“Would you prefer I joke about wanting to shag your parents? Oh don’t look at me like that, I’m kidding. Let’s see, I translated those Nordic runes for the Storvos case, helped Pansy prep her house for this girls night competition we’re having, stopped Ginny from renting a muggle stripper for said girls night, stopped Theo from renting a wizard stripper for said girls night and I hexed MacLaggen for asking if I wanted to blackmail him again.”

“Attagirl,” he said with more smile than smirk. Fuck, that term of endearment should not do the things that it did to her, and paired with that smile she had to look away. Unfortunately, her eyes roved straight to the sizable dick outline and her mouth went dry. The only thing that seemed to be dry at the moment.

“Well,” she cleared her throat, “are you all ready to host this evening?”

“Am I ready to have a gaggle of griffyndors plus Blaise in my home as Theo darts about rating the aesthetic and ambiance of a boys night? I’d so much rather listen to She-Weasel tell stories about my favorite Brightest Witch of Her Age on the streets, Blackmail Baddie in the sheets. Why can’t I come to yours instead?”

He pouted like a precious toddler, which caused Hermione to start imagining tanned babies with white-blonde curls and grey eyes. She physically had to shake the image out of her head.

“Well based on what your vastly inappropriate joggers are displaying to the entire office, you have a certain appendage that prevents you from attending our hen party. Now let me get back to work.”

Please let me get back to my work before I straddle that gorgeous grey-clad cock.

He looked so thrilled with her obvious discomfort and wandering eyes. The smirk was gone, he was full on smiling at this point. And it wasn’t pulling at her heartstrings in the slightest, thank you very much.

“Fine, fine. Owl me if you come up with any ideas on ways to fuck with Theo during his judging,” Draco said over his shoulder as he slunk out of her office, thanking her muggle God for inventing grey sweatpants.

Chapter Text

“Shit Malfoy, this place is huge. Compensating for something?” Harry jibed as he Neville and Ron walked in to the enormous flat for their boys night.

“Keep talking like that and you will be forced to drink a vintage swill younger than you,” he countered, leading them into the den.

Theo and Blaise we’re already seated on luxe black leather sectionals, dealing out cards they would hardly play.

“Let us play a game. We will all go around and answer questions to topics of each others choosing. What is one hill that each of us will die on: Draco, you begin,” Theo announced, hands clapping excitedly for the night ahead.

“Voldemort would have never crusaded against muggle borns if someone had showed him porn, you simply cannot think muggles inferior once you’ve seen it. I mean, one look at a thong would have changed the world” Draco drawled before pausing suddenly. “I am not drunk enough for that honest of an answer, Nott what did you do?” His suspicion set in, not liking the idea of being lose lipped.

“I’m just trying to create a fun atmosphere so you all get top marks for the overall vibe category of this competition! And if Dumbledore’s conniving ass would have just gotten the man into therapy for his daddy issues we wouldn’t have needed Pornhub either,” Theo replied. “Blaise, your turn.”

“Nott, did you poison us?” Potter shot back, but with less suspicion than he normally would have.

“I simply included a bit of a relaxing remedy in the drinks! It just loosens the tongue the slightest bit, while still allowing you to retain control. Go Zabini.”

“Draco, your mothers tits are the reason why the war ended. Potter took one peek down that dark green dress of hers, caught a hint of areola and was instantly revived. That is my hill!”

“Taking about my mothers tits is the quickest way to get yourself avaded.” Draco ground out.

“Actually the quickest way to get Avaded is to marry Blaise’s mum,” Theo quipped “and you are too sensitive about that topic Drakey dear,” Theo replied, patting his shoulder sympathetically.

“Too sensitive?! How the fuck would you react if Zabini asked your mother if he could breastfeed,” Malfoy said shrugging off his friends arm.

“Wet nurses are extremely prevalent in pureblood culture,” Blaise defended.

“Yes for children. We we’re in second year!” Draco yelled back, starting to rise out of his chair as Theo pushed him down with a hand.
Harry and Ron we’re rolling with laughter.

“Fuck, I wish we stopped being mortal enemies sooner,” Ron choked out, wiping a tear from his eye.

“I think it’s time for the little lions to entertain us, lay off dear Drake for a moment,” Theo said, not wanting for his best friend to crack too early. “What is something ridiculous or embarrassing or both, bonus points if its sexual, that the Gryffindor boys used to do in the glory days.”

“Oh, easy. The Draught of Living Death Challenge,” Longbottom replied quickly.

“I thought evading death was Potters thing?”

“Oh it was, and his ability to do so applied with this too. You had to drink just enough Draught of Living Death to be out cold, then get an erection, wank and cum before it took effect,” Weasley sighed, clearly reliving a happy and innocent memory of his youth.

“Merlin, I was sorted in to the wrong house,” Theo mumbled.

“I had a sex dream about Hermione!” Potter blurted out suddenly, looking flustered and guilty.

“WHAT?” Ron was standing now, “Mr. she’s like my sister, the Horcrux was lying, I’ve never been attracted to her Potter?”

Draco was standing now too, looking murderous.

“It was just a dream! And I was 15…and…and…and…it’s not like she’s my actual sister”

“I have had sex dreams about your actual sister, Weasley, if that helps,” offered Blaise.

“No Zabini that does not help! Wait 15, you mean fifth year, when you would wake up sweaty and screaming all the time from reading you-know-who’s mind?”

“Yeah that happened less times than I let on,” Harry said guiltily, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact.

“Understandable mate. Between Granger and Chang, you’ve got a lot of material,” Blaise nodded thoughtfully.

“Blaise was so terrified of getting whiskey dick that he only ate oysters for days leading up to his threesome with the Patils,” Theo said, desperately hoping to shift the conversation from the current topic, lest Draco and Ron team up to murder Harry.

“They are supposed to help with blood flow! And I told you that hoping to help you one day,” Blaise yelled back looking betrayed.

“Let’s move on shall we. Why don’t we each talk about the simp-iest thing one of us has done for someone we had a crush on,” Neville said, hoping to find a more neutral line of questioning.

“Now, Neville dear, please explain what a simp is. As a professor, I know you’re so up to date on the best slang! Please follow it with an example, and I will award appropriate points,” Theo said, gesturing to a replica of the Hogwarts house point hourglasses.

“Did you seriously take the time to replicate and animate these for a stupid bet over a boys night?” Draco asked, trying to think of how he and Granger could sabotage it.

“It is not a stupid bet! You have no idea the nefarious things those women get up to, She-Weasel assured me there is-“

“Zabini, shut up. Longbottom, do go on.”

“It is basically just a term about a guy who does over the top, usually cringey acts to get a crushes attention. Bonus points if they don’t reciprocate the feeling. Like, hmmm…Snape’s patronus becoming a doe because he wanted Harry’s mum.”

“Ah yes, another example of a Slytherin that Dumbledore should’ve immediately put in extensive therapy. Amazing the amount of wars that could be avoided if men got in touch with their feelings and over their daddy issues. A wonderful definition and example. 10 points! Potter, you go next,” Theo said while he waved his wand at the hourglass to add the correct amount of gemstones.

“Let’s see, Ron wearing a gold chain that said ‘Won Won’ on it comes to mind.”

“It is not simping if you get head for it thank you very much! And I only wore it the one time. How about your god father becoming an unregistered animagus to spend more time with his lycanthropic lover Lupin,” Ron spat defensively.

“I so regret reading those diaries. Read more graphic than Ginny’s bodice rippers. There’s just some things you don’t need to know about your deceased father figures,” Harry said, shaking his head slightly.

“Potter, five points to you. Weasley is right, the simping isn’t as good if there’s reciprocal feelings. Weasley, 15 points to you because of how far Black took it, plus being gay,” Theo waved his wand again, excitement building.

“Alright, my dear simp expert Nott. How about when you bought an apartment in muggle London because you ‘fell in love with a barista,’” drawled Draco.

“We had a connection! And he obviously wanted me desperately!”

“He literally made you a cappuccino. That was it,” said Zabini. Already bored of a story Theo made him dissect for no less than six hours at the time it happened.

“Yes but I asked for a latte but he made me a cappuccino which was exactly $4.69. I mean 69, hello!”

“Oh of course, you forgot to mention he messed up your order, how romantic,” Longbottom mumbled.

“Imagine spending tens of thousands of galleons simping for, worst case a straight man, just as worse case a gay man who is into 69ing,” Draco laughed back. Theo’s eyes narrowed, clearly affronted.

“You know I’m so glad this topic came up so naturally since we have the perfect definition of a simp right here in front of us, don’t we Drakey? You’re quite the expert, seeing as you’re so desperately in love with a girl you claim is ‘just a coworker, barely a friend.’ Now, does anyone remember our potions class where ole Sluggy showed us Amortentia?”

“Theodore,” Draco chided, hoping the full name would make his friend too nervous to finish his thought. It didn’t.

“In a shocking twist of events, Granger, regaled us all with a perfect explanation of the love potion. But as she got all wrapped up in her swottery and excitement she accidentally let slip something she smelled in her Amortentia. Anyone remember what it was? Drakey darling, care to answer. Get your boys some points?”

“Spearmint,” he ground out, practically against his will.

“5 points for you darling. Now, that fact might seem a tad innocuous, but Draco here, ever the cunning snake he is, immediately switched to spearmint toothpaste. Every month, for an embarrassing amount of years, he will purchase and use a new brand of spearmint toothpaste in the hopes that it matches our dearest Grangers most tantalizing scent. Now tell me, who of us is the simp now,” Theo asked with an artificially sweet voice.

“Malfoy…you don’t…” Weasley was torn between laughing and crying out of sheer sympathy.

“Of course not, Theo is just feeling vengeful,” Draco scoffed, shooting Theo a look that could kill. He couldn’t deal with the way the Gryffindors were looking at him, their eyes full of pity. He took a swig of scotch.

“Well, easy enough to discover, Accio toothpaste.”

“POTTER DON’T!”

But it was too late. There were loud clatters coming from the master bathroom, the sounds of wood breaking and glass shattering. All the sudden the den was swarmed with toothpaste, the boys pelted with hundreds of tubes. Swirling in the air was every single type imaginable: muggle, magical, organic, just for kids, for sensitive teeth, to whiten teeth, British, American, Chinese…the list went on and on and on with only one thing in common: the flavor.

The room was still, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. Draco’s high cheekbones were beet red, the look he was giving Theo terrifying.

“Well, it could be worse Malfoy. You could be a simp for Accio and Expelliarmus like Harry?” Neville said slowly, thinking a jibe at Potters expense could help dissipate some of the second-hand embarrassment.

“Right we’ll I’m off to go hang with my galpals! Try not to have too much fun without me, and keep playing this game! You are all doing so well! If you update your wardrobe or the decor at all, please floo call me so I can make amendments to the current tally. Ta ta!” Theo said nervously, snatching far too much floo powder and ducking in to the fire and out of sight in an instant.

Everyone sat in the most awkward silence, staring at Draco.

He tried to take a deep breath, tried to steel himself, tried to come up with a retort or an excuse.

Instead, he promptly grabbed a bottle of the oldest scotch he had, bit off the cork and proceeded to chug the whole thing.

Chapter Text

When Hermione entered the monstrosity of an entryway that was Pansy Parkinson’s house, she truly thought she got off at the wrong floo gate.

The house was always a touch absurd because of its sheer size, but it was usually sleek, modern, minimalist. It looked like she had paid a party planner way too much money to turn it in to the absolute opposite.

There was color absolutely everywhere. Bright pink and gold streamers covered walls normally adorned with original Jackson Pollocks, brass chandeliers, big as a truck tire, had beads of every color dangling precariously. She followed the bright colors and loud music into the grand living room, where she felt like she was caught in another dimension.

There was an entire wall covered in boxwood, from floor to 20-foot high ceiling. At first glance it seemed Pansy was inspired by a Muggle photo backdrop and then did to it what Pansy does to everything.

Took it too fucking far.

Upon closer look, it was not boxwood, but rather a magical variant of it. What would normally be plain green leaves we’re a bright gold that appeared to glow from within, with real fairies fluttering about. Where a muggle neon sign would be, Pansy had clearly charmed the wall to glow with different phrases of her own creation, complete with sparks flying from the ends.

She saw it flit between “in our house, girls are always on top,” “power to the pussys,” and “ask for a Nimbus while you ride that dick.”

There was also a dance floor, a champagne tower a story high, an entire wall of nude male photographs and what appeared to be a scoreboard that took up the entirety of the west side of the room.

“Ah, perfect you’re here. Susan taught me what a Pinktrist was,” said Pansy as she sauntered in the room wearing a hot pink floor length sheer robe, complete feathered sleeves.

“It’s called Pinterest. Where are you off to tonight? Murdering your elderly husband?”

“Don’t even try to feel proud of that insult because that is exactly the vibe I was going for,” she said haughtily.

“You told me this was a pajama party,” Hermione said as she gestured to her satin pant set.

“Listen, do you want to beat the boys or not? Theo is judging, do you really think that is going to cut it for the outfit category? I am carrying the team on my fucking back with the décor, cocktails and overall vibe categories. Go get changed. Pansy Parkinson doesn’t lose,” she shoved a gift bag in her hands and ushered her to put it on.

When Hermione returned, she found all of the usual suspects lounging on couches and chaises off of the dance floor. Nobody was dressed quite as dramatically as Pansy, but none of them we’re wearing anything anyone would ever actually sleep in either.

Pansy was presiding over all of them, like a queen holding court and began as soon as Hermione plopped down.

“Good. Now that we are all here. Theodore, being the drama queen that he is, recreated the Hogwarts house points system for tonight. He’s already been with the boys, taking them through drinking games, critiquing outfits and, of course, awarding points. The scoreboard over here mirrors the original at Draco’s,” she gestured to the wall with the points. A sign bearing “Chicks vs Dicks” flashed above it.

“Pans, you’re fucking crazy,” Theo said, rolling his eyes.

“Painting women as crazy is an inherently misogynistic trope—” Pansy started.

“Aht, aht. Normally I agree with you, but Pansy you are actually, literally crazy. Don’t you remember when you were mad at Draco so you tried to seduce Snape to get back at him?”

“WHAT” the whole room shouted at once.

“Draco was being absolutely unreasonable and needed to be reminded what he could lose,” Pansy began.

“Do tell the class why he was being unreasonable again?” Theo goaded her.

“I simply asked if he would consider transfiguring his hair, so it was longer, tie it up in a ponytail and pretend to be his father during sex. And he said no! I mean, can you believe the audacity of that man? What is so funny?”

“So, you thought trying to bang his favorite teacher and head of house would fix that?” Susan asked skeptically.

“No, of course not. That alone wouldn’t do it. It was more the fact that it was his godfather,” Pansy replied as though this was obvious.

“Ah yes of course, revenge fucking his godfather after being rejected to pretend to fuck his actual father. I can’t imagine why he was upset,” Susan replied sarcastically.

“Damn, if only I thought of that earlier. Do you think if I threw myself at Sirius then Harry would’ve realized his deep-seeded love for me sooner?” Ginny questioned thoughtfully.

“First of all, no, he would have been disturbed. And second of all, you did throw yourself at Sirius when we were at Grimmauld, remember?” Hermione replied, once again wondering why she was friends with either of them.

“I mean talk about someone who gives off a tauntingly toxic dick energy. And those diaries, whew,” Ginny said fanning herself, “they get me through when Harry is out of town on missions. Which speaking of, quick question for you Hermione. Hypothetically, not for me of course, I’m simply a third-party observer with no interest in the matter, would you perhaps know a charm or translation spell that could change two words in a document. Say if you wanted to change the word Remus to Ginny—"

“Oh my god Ginny absolutely not,” Hermione said with a shriek.

“Okay who was a good toxic dick for you, Pansy” asked Ginny, not needing a lecture from Hermione.

“Well definitely not Draco, he was more of a brotherly dick situation,” Pansy said, running a hand across her chin as though thinking hard.

“Pure bloods have enough of an incest rep what the fuck do you mean by brotherly?” Theo shouted back, a touchy subject for the Nott’s especially.

“We’d just known each other our whole lives! Don’t get me wrong, he’s great in bed,” she shot Hermione a not at all subtle wink, “but the tension wasn’t really there. It’s not like when you’ve known someone since you were 3 it’s easy to be like ‘hey call me a slut and slap me in the face.’”

“How on earth do you ask someone to slap you?” Susan wondered aloud.

“I find that if a man has already spent a prolonged period of time with me, he’s already thought about doing it in a non-sexual context. Not a far jump,” Pansy said shrugging.

“Back to what you were saying Pansy,” Theo redirected the conversation.

“Ah yes, no he was almost brotherly. You know thoughtful and all of that bullshit.”

“So, when I walked in on you blowing Draco in the prefects bath, it was in a brotherly way?” Hermione asked skeptically.

“We just didn’t have that big of a spark. It’s not like we were, oh I don’t know…childhood enemies and academic rivals, turned begrudging coworkers, turned almost friends with a layer of sexual tension that permeates our entire office. Now that would lead to amazing sex with Draco…hope he finds it with someone one day,” Pansy said as she fixed Hermione with a stare before asking “I assume the brotherly thing was the same as you and Ron?”

“Actually, I kind of see what you mean there. More of a sweet sort of thing. Brotherly would absolutely not be the word I’d chose though,” Hermione said carefully.

“Moving on from Pansy and Drake’s incest, let us all, in the spirit of Sirius Black, god rest his soul, riminess on our most toxic dick?” Theo said at once, clapping excitedly.

“Zabini,” Ginny said confidently, completely ignoring the bomb she dropped on the room.

“I’m sorry, when the FUCK did you hook up with Blaise?” Theo looked positively beside himself.

“Oh, before Harry but after Dean, he called me a blood traitor in bed and it fucking did something to me,” she looked completely unphased at the faces of shock around her and called on Pansy.

“Marcus Flint, biggest dick I’ve ever seen. Only thing that troll blood is doing for him. He had me absolutely dickmatized for weeks. Granger?” Pansy questioned.

“Oh, I don’t know. I mean Cormac is a fuck boy and a narcissist—"

Ginny cut her off “I think the dick has to actually go inside of you for it to count. It’s obviously Charlie.”

“Charlie Weasley? I’d assume his would be brotherly seeing as he actually was almost your brother by marriage,” Susan asked, while everyone listened intently.

“Oh, there was nothing brotherly about that one,” Ginny began, looking way too excited for someone discussing her own siblings sex life. “The man is a fucking savage. Come on H, tell the story!”

“Oh alright, we were sharing his room at Christmas one year since space was tight. I offered to sleep on the floor, but he’d have none of that,” Hermione continued almost dazedly, the whole room in rapt attention for any juicy details on the, heavily debated, sexiest Weasley.

“I woke up the next morning to him spooning me with a massive hard on. We both kind of came to at the same time and just were awkwardly for a moment. Then he rolled over and said, ‘sorry love, I need to take care of this before I go down and see everyone, it can’t exactly fit in my pajamas. You understand right?’ And he just started jacking off right then and there, making eye contact the whole time. I mean I couldn’t move, there I was on Christmas morning, in my ex’s families house, watching his brother with the thickest cock I’ve ever seen. I’ve wanted to jump that man’s bones since the moment I saw him at 14, but I assumed there was a hard line there. Then he looks at my sleep shorts and sees a bit of a, well a damp spot,” Hermione looked embarrassingly at the floor, refusing to make eye contact, but continued

“And calls me out on it. I tried to deny it, he’s still stroking himself the whole time, mind you, he said ‘oh I don’t know if I believe you sweetheart. Why don’t you let me check.’ And all of the sudden he sticks one of his massive, callused, perfect hands in my knickers, laughs, and asks me why I am dripping all over his fingers. As if I wasn’t already then. So, we start having sex and he refused to put up a silencing charm saying I’ll have to ‘just be a good, quiet girl’ or else everyone will know exactly which Weasley boy is making her cum like this.”

Hermione finished, blushed and slightly breathless. Theo conjured a fainting fan out of thin air and was cooling himself dramatically.

“I’m so glad I slipped something in everyone’s drinks, holy hell that was erotic. Why the fuck did you not abandon your life and move to Romania to be a stay at home dragon mom?”

“What do you mean you slipped something in our drinks?!” Susan asked irately.

“Oh, just a little concoction I’ve aptly named loose lips. Which, after that story might work on several levels. Granger, 50 points for that story. Wow, how about a game of fuck, marry, kill? Susan: Longbottom, Thomas, Potter?”

Theo’s invention clearly made everyone calm enough to not throttle him for the mild poisoning because Susan answered at once.

“Hmm, fuck Thomas because he’s so hot. Kill Potter, because it would be cool to say I did something nobody else could and marry Longbottom. He’s supposed to have a huge dick, so I’d like to keep that around.”

“Now see that’s interesting,” started Pansy.

“Pansy, absolutely not. You’d terrify the boy. He’s sweet and pure. Susan, 10 points, excellent rationale. I would choose exactly the same, mainly fucking Thomas. He seems the most flippable” Theo said.

“And I would let him stay pure…pure blooded,” Pansy said smirking.

“You know what, I’m awarding each of you 25 points for being so unhinged. THIS is the level of entertainment I was looking for with the boys. Draco just talked about muggle porn,” Theo said, waving his hand at Pansy’s tracker.

“Draco was talking about muggle pornography?” Hermione asked, trying to play it casual but her voice had raised an octave.

“Yes,” Theo said, fixing Hermione with a firm stare “I didn’t ask his preference but if I were to guess it’d be: swotty brunette with nice ass and curly hair finally fucks childhood enemy turned friend during a work trip where there’s only one bed in their shared hotel room.”

Hermione flushed, but refused to give Theo the satisfaction.

“What would your porn searches have been in school Theo? Two best friends, one brunette, one blonde, who are both completely straight guys blowing each other, but are still totally straight after?” Hermione asked.

“Ah, angry enough to try and work in jabs about my childhood internalized homophobia? I’d tread carefully if I were you, Granger. Wouldn’t want me to expose any of your secrets to dear Drake. Although I will award you 10 points for that, it was a funny retort.”

“Please, you all continuously embarrass me with what you say to him, it’s not like it can get worse,” Hermione scoffed.

“Oh sweet, innocent Granger. He doesn’t believe us because he thinks we’re just fucking with him. But it sure would be difficult to refute hard evidence,” Pansy said smirking as she pulled out her cell phone and began to read.

“SOS 9-1-1 EMERGENCY. DRACO IS WEARING THOSE BURBERRY PLAID TROUSERS WITH A BLACK TURTLENECK. A FUCKING TURTLENECK. THE MAN IS SO FUCKABLE I NEED TO BE EUTHANIZED (MUGGLE VERSION OF AVADA).”

“Okay, that was one time, we’ve all been there,” Hermione shot back defensively.

“Oh, oh, oh, me next!” Ginny said quickly, grabbing the mobile Hermione got her for Christmas. The traitor.

“Please tell my family that I love them, but due to Draco’s ass in his Quidditch kit today, I have no other option but to pass away,” Ginny said, trying to keep a straight face.

“Okay, obviously I was kidding! A simple joke! I can objectively admire a man with a nice bum.”

Everyone ignored her protests, Theo continued.

“Theo, I need you to obliviate me so that the memory of Draco Malfoy in a navy muggle suit can no longer haunt me. I am going absolutely bonkers, I nearly pulled a Pansy and bribed a male intern to sneak a photo of his dick at the urinal,” Theo read, trying and succeeding to imitate Hermione’s voice.

“What the hell does pull a Pansy mean, I’ve never done that!” Pansy exclaimed.

“I think it’s just the spirit of it Pans,” said Susan reconciliatory, “So it seems this man, who you don’t think you’re in love with, drives you to death or committing sexual crimes.”

“That seems like a reasonable summation, Susan. 20 points,” Theo nodded approvingly while he stood up.

“Well ladies, this has been an amazing night. I am off to tally the scores, though it’s clear you all have won by a landslide. Let us all part ways before we come together again at drinks next week! Hopefully nothing incriminating that was discovered tonight manages to reappear at the 3B’s. Ciao!”

And with that terrifying thought, the group all separated, as Pansy passed out gift bags bursting with muggle penis straws, edible body paint and vibrators.

Bag secured indeed.

Chapter Text

“Harry James Potter, what the hell is she doing here!” Hermione yelled while pointing her finger dramatically to the woman in question.

Harry had the presence of mind to appear guilty as he sheepishly looked to the side at his wife.

“Now, now, H, is that any way to greet a best friend? Your future maid of honor, future godmother to your cute, curly white-blonde babies?” Ginny asked innocently.

“See!” Hermione yelled exasperatedly, looking at Harry “exactly that! She cannot come to drinks if she’s going to act like that.”

“Hermione, I promise that I will make sure Ginny is on her best behavior. I’ve got everything under control,” Harry said confidently.

Hermione rolled her eyes and scoffed.

“When on earth have you ever had me under control,” Ginny asked indignantly.

“I have no control over you, but if you embarrass Hermione tonight, I will tell your mother.”

“Threatening me with my mother, please,” Ginny said, her confidence faltering slightly.

“You misunderstand me darling; I will tell your mother that it is ever so important to me that she and your aunt Muriel chose your wedding dress. And I will name one of our children Albus Severus!” He snapped back, looking gleeful at the idea of winning an argument for once.

“Okay, you can threaten her with Molly, but you cannot put that kind of a burden on your unborn child. That name is fucking awful to begin with, but to be named after two master manipulators, one a racist master manipulator, is practically child abuse,” Hermione cut in.

“Okay, Dumbledore was a tad manipulative but to call Snape racist is—"

“Absolutely not, we’ve had this argument before. If you don’t care about eugenics until you want to bang a muggleborn, you are racist. This is not some shitty star-crossed lovers Nazi unrequited love story! No Severus,” Ginny said defiantly.

“You’re being so stupid that I agree with Ginny. Now let’s go inside before I change my mind,” Hermione said, recognizing defeat and ushered them into the bar.

They entered the tavern to see their usual crew, Hermione purposely tried not to search for Malfoy as always but was unsuccessful. His tall stature and distinctive hair caught her eye immediately. He was leaning casually against the bar joking with Blaise, he had a scotch in one hand and a dirty martini in the other. He caught her eye and gestured for her to come grab her drink. She didn’t swoon at all.

She tried to join them as casually as possible, not wanting to appear to eager. Not even Ginny and Harry trailing dangerously behind her could ruin her elation at Malfoy buying her a drink.

“Granger. Potter. Decided to bring She-Weasel for a repeat performance I see?” He asked teasingly, pushing her drink towards her.

“My fiancé,” Potter said determinedly, “will be on her best behavior tonight, I have her word.”

Meanwhile, Ginny had grabbed Blaise’s cocktail and downed the whole thing, motioning to the barkeep for shots. Harry was trying his best to intervene.

“Please,” Draco drawled looking entirely unconvinced as he dropped his voice speaking directly at Hermione, “the only time you ever have any sort of control over a woman is when you’re in the bedroom. I find the only way she’ll do what you ask is when you’re eating her out.”

Hermione tried to glance around casually, seeing if he had said that more for Blaise and Harry’s attention, but it appeared it was said just for her own enjoyment. Her heart stuttered at the very idea of Malfoy going down on a girl. Surely not, the cocky bastard probably never did that sort of thing. He definitely just jackhammered a witch and then asked after the fact ‘was it good for you?’

“Hmm, you don’t strike me as the type of guy to be doing much of that, so controlling a woman must not be your forte,” she said confidently. There was no way he was going to rile her up like this, he was unbearable enough after the whole grey sweatpants’ debacle.

“Oh, please Granger, you know I’ve always had a sweet tooth,” he said dropping his voice. When did he get so close to her? Why does he smell so good?

“I’m happy to prove it to you if you like,” he shot her a wink and turned to talk to Blaise and Harry.

She needed to get the fuck away from this absolute delicacy of a man before she did something rash, she scanned the room looking for anyone else to talk to. Terrifyingly enough, Ginny, Pansy and Theo we’re all sitting at a tall table together taking shots of something that was on fire. She dashed over, wondering how on earth shots with them was a safer option than talking to Malfoy.

“Hermione, my love, my light, my life, how are you darling,” Theo stood on wobbly knees to embrace her.

“Theo is blackout already, obviously,” Pansy said, shooting out an arm to steady one very intoxicated Theodore Nott.

“I see your ferret lover got you a drink, a dirty one at that. You certainly looked cozy over there, what were you all talking about?” Ginny asked coyly.

“Oral sex,” Hermione shot back, enjoying the look of shock on their face.

“Ah yes, a classic topic for two people who are just friends,” Pansy said, looking positively gleeful.

“Literally every single one of you regard oral as a comfortable topic for just friends,” Hermione said, rolling her eyes.

“Too true! Now, let us all enjoy another shot. What shall we cheers to?” Theo waved over his favorite server to flirt with.

“How about to the money I have coming my way soon! I have a wonderful feeling about tonight, progress seems to be going well,” Ginny said as she grabbed another round of something, this time bright green, from the clearly not-interested straight server.

Hermione didn’t even bother to unpack whatever Ginny was talking about, thinking she could use the liquid courage at the moment.

The shot and martini had calmed her nerves and she was just feeling confident that the night would be just find when she saw Malfoy make his was back over with Harry and Blaise.

She tried to take in her appearance as discreetly as possible. He was wearing a pair of dark grey plaid trousers tucked into his favorite pair of dragon hide leather boots. On top, he had a very formfitting turtleneck with a fitted blazer over it. His now signature Gucci snake belt peaked out slightly. Definitely a top 5 fan favorite outfit. Maybe the drinks weren’t her best idea, especially since she was so blatantly looking Malfoy up and down. Maybe he hadn’t noticed?

“Another dirty martini for you Granger, you certainly look thirsty,” he pushed the drink towards her, his look clearly saying that he noticed.

The crowd seemed to have gathered into one big group which appeared to excite Theo to no end, never a good sign. She was hoping to avoid another BDE-worthy discussion this time, when Malfoy stole her attention from her left.

“You know, I’ve always wondered if there is a correlation between dirty martinis and dirty girls,” he questioned oh so casually, pretending to look at his cuticles, then setting his arm gently on the back of her chair. Hermione swallowed thickly.

“It’s an observation I made once I noticed you drinking them,” he shrugged, “it’s still in the hypothesis stage but I’m hoping to find someone to experiment with. You know so I can really test the theory and then report my conclusions.”

He had propped his leg on her barstool, fuck he was close. Damn this man using the scientific method to get her hornier than she normally was around him.

“Gather round, gather round,” Theo shouted jovially, finding himself at the center of attention just as he preferred. “As you all know, the girls absolutely clobbered the boys at our competition last week!”

All the girls clapped while Blaise sat sulkily.

“Yes, yes, well done ladies! Boys, you tried your best, but the girls really brought it with their incredible stories. Since last week was more of a cultural seminar than entertainment, I figured this week we won’t be as academic,” Theo continued. Hermione couldn’t help but roll her eyes at his description of their last happy hour.

“So, let us begin with a round of my favorite game, inspired by the one and only Pansy Parkinson! It is aptly called ‘sexy or psycho?’” Theo was really heating up now, his movement getting bigger, his voice getting louder, his stumble more prominent.

“Now, I will tell a story and we will all take a vote whether what occurred we consider sexy or psycho! Let us begin with the time that Pansy asked Adrien Pucey to come on her face,” Theo yelled as loud as he can, emphasizing the last part.

Adrien looking mortified, Pansy looked unphased as ever.

“Sexy,” every single one of the guys answered at once. Hermione tried not to appreciate how tantalizing the word sounded coming out of Malfoy’s perfect mouth.

“Oh, darn I forgot the determining factor. I must mention that this was in a coat closet, right before she was to walk down the aisle as her cousin’s bridesmaid. Thankfully, Adrien had the sense to ejaculate elsewhere, and not ruin dear Rose’s day,” Theo was really hitting his stride now.

The boys seemed to change their names in favor of psycho upon hearing the full story, Hermione felt Draco shift slightly, his arm now firm across her shoulder blades, his knee grazing her thigh.

“You know, I still might vote sexy,” Draco said low, just for her, “I do love the look of my cum dripping down a girls face, but I also am absolutely terrified of Pans’ aunt so I guess I’ll go with psycho.”

Hermione was trying her absolute hardest not to look unaffected by his words and felt confident she was failing spectacularly.

“Okay everyone, sexy or psycho: Theo hooking up with one Horace Slughorn,” Ginny shouted, moving to the middle of the circle along with Theo. Hermione did not like the idea of the two of them joining forces.

“Now, now, that was not really what it seems. I actually did that as more of a social experiment, you see. It was not so much in a gay sex way, but more in a satirical, social commentary of inappropriate relations in academia sort of way. Performance art, really,” Theo said quickly.

“You literally told us you put hairs in each other’s amortentia’s and let him fuck you over a cauldron in your old station from school,” Pansy said joining the others in the middle.

“Well, allegedly” Theo began.

“Theo you cannot just say the word allegedly before everything you hope to get out of! That is not how it works!” Ginny laughed back.

“Do you know how rude it is for Theo to waltz in and ruin all of my potions fantasies by fucking Slughorn,” Draco brought her attention back to him in an instant, “fucking someone over a cauldron used to be such a go-to of mine.”

Hermione took another huge gulp of her martini, desperately trying not to envision Draco and her going at it in a Hogwarts classroom. She felt dazed by the very smell of Draco’s cologne and spearmint breath, her mind was immediately dragged back to a memory that felt like forever ago, of cauldrons bubbling in a dungeon, Amortentia’s spiral-like waves wafting towards her.

Hearing Pansy say her name snapped her straight back to the present.

“Granger, sexy or psycho: Quidditch role play,” Pansy, Ginny and Theo we’re all looking at her expectantly. They we’re standing in the middle of the crowd, like ringleaders in their circus that specialized in ruining Hermione’s life.

“Well, it depends,” Hermione tried to say diplomatically in the hopes of avoiding the question.

“No Quidditch role play for you Granger?” Draco asked in her ear, sucking in a mocking breath “that might actually be a deal breaker for me.”

Now her mind was filled of ideas of role playing with Draco, of Hogwarts uniforms and healers robes, of Quidditch kits and professors robes.

“Guys let us not goad H,” Ginny began innocently. Hermione knew better, “obviously there is a line at some point. Like take Viktor Krum, a brooding handsome fellow who exudes BDE, but unfortunately found a way to push it just a bit too far. Far enough to make Hermione stop going back for more”

“Allegedly!” Theo shouted, convinced that meant he could be off the hook for helping to expose this particular story.

“Babe tell him why she finally stopped going back for more,” Potter laughed. Hermione shot him a look of utter betrayal. We were supposed to be in this together, what the fuck Harry!

“Oh yes, he asked her to role play something that was too much for our kinky girl here. I mean she’ll be punished in a library all day long, but the poor boy simply asks for her to dress up as a golden snitch and run around his room that’s transfigured to look like a quidditch pitch and she dumps him in a heartbeat. The poor thing.”

Hermione couldn’t tell if she wanted to throw up, die, or kill Ginny. Honestly, she would gladly take Azkaban at this point. But she’d had a bit to drink and decided to try and get even.

“Ginny let’s not go there. You do not want me to start spilling all of your dirtiest secrets,” she prayed her voice sounded intimidating and not shaking with rage and embarrassment.

“Mione, I’m begging you to not talk about my sisters sex life.”

“Oh, shut up Ron, I had to pretend not to see Hermione giving you a foot job in the middle of Christmas dinner at the Burrow when you two dated.”

Hermione snapped.

“Harry, remember a few weeks ago when you were all excited because you finally made Ginny squirt. She was so wasted that she accidentally peed on you and that’s how she lied it off,” now it was Harry and Ginny’s turn to flush as the whole table erupted in laughter once again. Hermione felt vindicated. It didn’t last.

“Oh shut up H, just because your golden Gryffindor pussy gets wetter than the black lake doesn’t mean you have to take it out on the rest of us. Please quit rubbing your squirting vagina in the rest of our faces,” spat Ginny, who gave her a look that said, ‘I’ll wear whatever the fuck mom and Muriel want. Bring it’

“Speaking of rubbing vaginas in faces, did you ever tell your teammates that Harry kneeled under the invisibility cloak and went down on you in the locker room during your last half time meeting?”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew that the night was downhill from there.

“You know, Hermione, did you ever tell your friends that Ron is not the only Weasley you’ve banged?”

The rest of the group’s eyes were darting back and forth the sparing Gryffindor’s.

“Oh, such a splendid story to bring up Ginerva,” Nott began and Hermione felt her stomach contort with dread. “That has become an instant classic after hearing it told at our girl’s night and actually a perfect example of our vocabulary word from last week, BDE. I mean who in the world does that description apply to if not a sexy, rugged, dragon tamer.”

“Oh, come on now Granger, it’s embarrassing enough to have been with one Weasley, but two?!” Malfoy playfully whispered in her ear, far closer than before, as the rest of the table laughed and pieced the puzzle together. Her breath hitched and goosebumps broke out along her back as his snide remarks hit her. She instantly regretted wearing a backless silk dress sans bra. She felt her nipples harden at his taunts.

“Honestly, the Weasley with the most BDE is Bill. He’s a fucking curse breaker and married to a Veela,” Blaise retorted back to Theo.

“Who knew you thought so much about my brothers and their penises Blaise. I thought it was just Theo who did that,” chided Ron.

Theo scoffed, while Wood took over.

“Fucking Fred and George spent as much time as humanly possible in the nude. I’ve seen way too many Weasley dicks in the locker room to last a lifetime.”

She dragged herself back to the present situation only to find that Pansy was feeling left out and wanted to add to her own.

“Speaking of multiple siblings. Blaise, remember when you had a threesome with both Patil’s?”

“Parkinson, I’m right fucking here!” Parvati yelled, and Hermione felt solidarity that someone was as mortified as she was.

Pansy tried to divert attention from herself as she saw Parvati reach for her wand.

“Notts got a small cock!”

“You only saw it soft Parkinson because I couldn’t get it up for you! Because I’m fucking gay,” he barked back.

“Oh my god yes!” Blaise looked more excited than he had all night. “When you were trying to make Drake jealous after your other option refused.”

“Which weirdly worked, I was pissed. Malfoy’s don’t share”

She gulped and nearly jumped out of her chair when she felt Malfoy’s thick arm snake down the chair, his large hand finally settling on to the small of her bare back.

“You know, I always thought you spent far too much time at the library in school, but I never knew it was because you we’re fantasizing about being fucked into a bookshelf.” Malfoy hissed and she tried not to faint. Talking to him about the most normal topics already made her weak in the knees, but all his sexual comments were becoming just this side of too much. Not to lose a battle of wits with Malfoy, she suddenly spun herself around in her barstool to face him and searched her mind for the cheekiest retort.

“Ginny loves to exaggerate, I much more prefer the professor/student role play,” she smirked as she saw him struggle to keep it together.

“And who are you in this little fantasy of yours Granger? The student or the professor” he asked gruffly.

“The student of course, Malfoy,” she said sweetly as she leaned closer to him, crossing her legs demurely, “you remember me in school, always just so eager. Doing anything I could possibly do to get an O,” the words flew out of her mouth before she could think about the consequences.

She did not just say that to Draco fucking Malfoy.

She did just say that to Draco fucking Malfoy.

But his reaction was so priceless, she found herself not regretting it quite like she thought she would.

His face was flushed, as he nodded slowly, running his tongue over his teeth and laughing slightly, in that ever so sexy way some men we’re able to do. He was looking down at her with the hungriest expression she’d ever seen. Victory was in her hands and she felt awash with joy at her ability to leave him speechless.

He took both of his massive hands and put them on either side of the table behind her, so she was completely closed in, engulfed in his intoxicatingly sexy scent. He slid one of his thick thighs in between her legs. She stopped breathing.

“Oh, trust me Granger,” his voice quiet and dangerous “I remember you very well in school.”

She refused to lose this game.

“Oh please, Malfoy. You paid me no attention in school but to insult me. You were far too busy shagging Pansy in every corner of the castle. You didn’t know me then at all.”

He wasn’t planning on losing either.

“Oh, I paid you plenty of attention in school Granger. Far more than you would’ve believed. And the things I didn’t know about you for sure, I let myself imagine.”

His thigh moved closer, parting the fabric of her dress. It was just inches away from where she actually needed it.

“For example, I noticed your knockout of a Yule ball dress, but then I allowed myself to imagine what you were wearing underneath. I paid close attention to your long, toned legs tucked into your school skirt that I always wished was shorter, while I imagined that you were starkers’ underneath. I noticed you bouncing up and down in your seat, barely able to contain yourself in your excitement to answer a question, while I imagined you bouncing up and down on my cock. And right now, I’m noticing how very hard your nipples are in that dress that you clearly wore simply to torture me, and I’m not just imaging but also hoping that upon hearing all of this that your knickers are absolutely soaked through. It’s truly a wonder that my imagination is able to drum up any other images because after she-Weasel mentioned your bodies many talents, the only thing I’ve been able to think about is eating you out until you scream my name.”

He was messing with her right? Someone must’ve told him about her crush. There was no way he’d thought those things about her for that long. No way that they’d spent years dancing around each other, oblivious to each other’s attractions.

“Now, why don’t we play a little game here. If you can prove to me that my words aren’t affecting you, you win. But if you lose, which I’m feeling quite confident that you will, I am going to cast a few clever concealing charms and proceed get you off right here, in this pub, in front of all of our friends and coworkers.”

On a scientific level, Hermione knew that human beings needed oxygen to breathe but she was finding that entire concept difficult at the moment. She also knew that she was fiercely competitive, though this game sounded like one she didn’t mind losing. She needed to breathe, she needed to respond, and she needed to simultaneously cum and combust.

“Well what happens if I win?”

She was brave, she was a Gryffindor, she did not back down from a verbal spar with Draco Malfoy.

Draco cocked an eyebrow and leaned in even closer, until their temples were almost touching and whispered, “then I’ll take you home and let you cum. And it won’t have to be quietly in this pub, and on something far larger than my fingers.”

Okay just kidding. She was no longer any of those things. In fact, she didn’t think she was even a human being anymore, and certainly not one with a functioning brain.

“If you agree to the terms of the game, stand up and turn around like we’re through talking and you’re ready to resume conversation with everyone else.”

As though she was under an Imperious, she did just that.

“Good girl.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

“Now wave over at the bartender for another drink.”

She did.

“Get me one too. Let’s go with the Johnnie Walker Blue tonight. On your tab, if you please.”

“Okay I am absolutely not going to purchase you expensive scotch while you-“

“Oh please, please finish that sentence aloud,” he’d moved in behind her again. Close enough that it couldn’t quite be considered casual but not explicit either.

She bristled at that. She wasn’t going to take this completely lying down. She asked the bartender for another martini and a Johnnie Walker. Black. She looked at Malfoy over her shoulder, arching one eyebrow.

“There she is,” he said with a laugh “I was worried you were getting too conciliatory. But trust and believe you’ll be paying for it later. Now laugh.”

She did, just on cue with everyone else. How the hell had he managed to keep track of the rest of the conversation? And exactly how will she be paying for it? And why did the very thought thrill her?

She tried desperately to catch back up.

Theo was telling the group Pansy’s attempt at seducing Snape. She wasn’t taking it lying down, retorting by telling everyone about the time Theo spent $10,000 at the Neimans in Beverly Hills because he wanted to fuck the sales associate. Who was married. To a woman.

She laughed along with the group as everyone began to play what seemed to be a game of pass the potato with embarrassing stories of one another.

Draco still hadn’t touched her. Had she imagined it all? Did he change his mind? She was just beginning to feel self-conscious while listening to a story about Neville’s explicit experiments with a venomous tenctacula when she felt a hum of magic around her.

Draco cast a notice-me-not charm on her lower half and something that made him able to put his hand straight through her dress without it moving. She forced herself to breath.

Draco’s insanely long arms were able to start rubbing small circles down at her lower thighs, just above her knee. She glanced around the room, trying to keep her face as neutral as possible.

Ron was explaining the term simp to the group at large, while everyone debated who was a bigger simp for Harry in school: Ginny with her limericks or the Creevy’s and their cameras.

She felt his chest lean briefly on her as he said softly in her ear “you have the sexiest legs; do you know that?”

Blaise was getting roasted for trying to sleep with one of his stepdads.

Both of his enormous hands grabbed the interior of each lower thigh and spread her legs just wide enough.

She tried to laugh at George talking about one of the gnomes biting his toe while he and Angelina were mid stroke in the Burrows garden.

“You know I do loathe losing, and while I appreciate the merits of the consequences of this particular situation, I am ever so excited to say, ‘I told you so.’”

His voice was so low, so dangerous, so close to her ear. She shuddered as his breath tickled her neck.

Hannah Abbot was trying not to laugh while telling everyone about Susan and Anthony being walked in on by Nearly Headless Nick.

Each of his hands started to creep up the inside of her legs, tantalizingly slowly, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He barely got up to her upper thighs when she could hear the smirk in his voice.

“It’s a pity really. I was so looking forward to hearing you scream my name. But watching you cum in front of your nearest and dearest will make up for you having to be quiet. Don’t you think?”

She scoffed, “please. You’re clearly not as good as you think you are. You’re not even near where you should be.”

Fred was trying to defend himself by saying that only lasting 2 minutes in doggy style was still impressive because that’s 14 minutes in dog years.

Draco’s lazy drawl cut over the crowd.

“Nott, remember when Blaise accidentally came inside of that Beauxbatons girl, so she reached in and slapped him with it?”

She felt one of his large hands leave her thigh. Was he stopping? How was he so unaffected that he was able to maintain conversation. His left hand creeped casually up her back and over her arm. His fingers swiped just across her elbow. She could feel herself on them, they were far too wet for only making it to her upper thighs.

“I assure you Granger, I know exactly where I need to be,” the timbre of his voice sent a shiver up her spine. His left hand made its way back to her, his right spread her legs wider.

“I thought I’d at least be able to make it to your knickers before I could feel you, but you’ve made quite the mess, haven’t you, my little lion?” he quickly licked the back of her ear.

She cast her eyes around the room once more, but everyone was so caught up in the stories that they were completely missing the most erotic experience of Hermione’s life.

“Feeling quite cocky, aren’t you?”

“Hmmm,” Draco paused, pretending to think, “you could say that.”

Then he pressed his entire body against her quickly, she could feel him hard against her back. She tried to lean into it and try and gauge what she was working with, but all too soon it was gone.

“Now, are you ready for me?”

Fuck, was she? Was she really going to cum in the middle of this pub?

“If you are, start off a story about Potter. He’s avoided embarrassment for far too long tonight. If you aren’t, then simply remain quiet and we can stop.”

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. She reminded herself about how much she wanted this. For how long she wanted this. She could feel Draco’s nervous energy behind her.

“Harry, remember when you mixed up Ginny and Arthur’s Christmas gifts and accidentally gave him a muggle vibrator?”

There. The quaffle was in his hoop. No going back now.

The rest of the room died laughing as George took over telling the finer points of the story, like how Harry stammered that it was a back massager. Ginny told everyone about how it was still in his shed where he liked to tinker with things.

Draco’s massive hands cupped her ass, kneading it slightly, her black lace thong giving him the opportunity for direct contact. He groaned at the realization. He left his right hand on her butt while his left slowly, finally swiped across her through her knickers. She bit back a moan.

His fingers were dancing ever so lightly across her cunt and even though he avoided her clit, it was the most satisfying experience of her entire life.

“You. Are. Drenched,” he ground out. He sounded like he was in physical pain. “Bring up another story.”

He began to slowly run his middle finger forward and backward along her slit, the lace of her underwear giving her some delicious friction. His other hand slowly moved up and down her thigh, driving her crazy.

“Draco no, absolutely not. I am not going to keep bringing attention to myself.”

“Oooooo, kittens got claws” he said as he licked a slow strip up her neck. “Do it. Now. Or I will keep up this teasing indefinitely.”
If he kept up such a sexy and demanding tone, she might be able to get off on just the teasing.

She wracked her brain trying to think of a single story. Draco didn’t appreciate the pause and brought a quick slap to her ass. She whimpered.

“Pans, you have to tell that one story about Blaise,” it was all she could manage. Knowing that Pansy would take it from there.

“Attagirl,” he whispered as he finally, finally pulled his finger across her clit. Just one single drag across it and she felt as though she was about to burst. She pushed her breasts into the table so her nipples could have some sort of relief. She had to turn her moan into a cough.

Pansy was talking about the time Blaise got tied up by a rando he met at the club.

Draco was slowly rubbing small, tight circles around her clit.

“Now if you want me to take off these knickers, throw out another story. And not a cop out like last time,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.

“Can you do that for me Granger? Can you be good and follow instructions? I promise I’ll make it worth it,” he picked up speed and pressure on her clit.

“Pansy, you’re forgetting the part where she hit her head so hard against the dresser while trying to do a strip tease that she knocked herself out cold. Leaving him stuck to a four poster,” she said with just the slightest shake in her voice.

She felt her underwear vanish instantly, and before she could chide Draco for ruining a very nice and expensive pair of La Perlas, he plunged one long, thick finger into her. She’d give him every pair of underwear she had if it meant he kept doing this. Every bra too. Actually, all of her clothes.

“Mmmm, you feel exquisite,” he whispered softly near her ear. “And don’t worry, I sent your panties straight to my flat. I’m planning on keeping them forever, but maybe we can come up with some way for you to earn them back,” his finger curled slightly, not moving as she clenched down on it desperately. She was barely holding it together.

“One more time, love. One more story and I’ll put you out of your misery,” he said as his solitary finger started slowly moving rhythmically inside of her. “Come on my little lion, don’t you want to be good for me?”

God this man and his turtleneck and his words and his perfect, perfect fingers.

She could do this. One more story. Come on Hermione.

“Pansy, remember when you made me teach you how to use social media so you could stalk the muggle you were seeing, but accidentally asked him how his ex-girlfriend’s aunt Lydia was recovering from her back surgery the first time you ever met him?”

“Good girl,” he said gruffly as he slid in a second finger and finally gave her what she needed. The sounds her body was making was downright indecent. She could hear a soft squelch each time he plunged his fingers in and out of her.

Goldstein was coming up to say his goodbyes. Draco removed his right hand from her ass as he clasped him on the shoulder.

“You out of here mate?” He questioned casually, as he pushed his fingers in further.

Every one of her senses was on fire and she was trying so hard not to cum with Anthony feet away.

She tried to give him a soft smile while Draco made plans to go over a case with him Monday morning. His fingers were moving faster, twisting slightly, curling at the most perfect angle. He brought his right hand back to her and began using it to draw circles all over her clit.

Someone had to be able to hear it, right? Had to be able to smell her arousal? She should be embarrassed for being in such a situation around coworkers, but she found herself without a single fuck to give.

“I can feel you fluttering around my fingers, Granger. You’re so close, aren’t you? Why don’t you look around this pub…Do you see how many people there are? Do you realize that every one of them knows your name? Do you think any of them know that you’re about to cum? That you’re going to dribble down my fingers?” his face was buried in her hair, inhaling deeply. Hermione was staring down at the table, biting on her inner cheek in an attempt distract her nervous system in some way.

“Oh no, it looks like Weasley’s coming over here. Don’t you dare cum until I give you permission. Nod your head for me.”

She nodded. For the first time in her life she knew the plight of a man trying not to cum too soon. She tried to relax her muscles, tried not to let herself flex herself into an orgasm. She schooled her features and gave Ron a kiss on the cheek goodbye.

Draco took his right hand and ran it along her labia for just a second, wetting it briefly. Then, smug as can be, he shook Ron’s hand with it as he said his goodbyes.

Motherfucker. Well, a bit of anger might help her not cum. This was good. A good reminder of what a dick Draco could be.

He stuck his fingers in his mouth with a slight moan.

“Mm, delicious.”

Okay the moment passed. Now she was back to trying not to cum.

“I ought to be offended when you said earlier that I didn’t seem like the type to enjoy eating a girl out. I should punish you for that, you know, make you beg me to go down on you. But fuck if you don’t taste divine,” she could see him out of the corner of her eye, slowly licking every single drop off of his fingers.

“Like I said, Granger, I have a sweet tooth, and I have never been one to deny myself desert.”

His fingers picked up a brutal pace, curling ever so perfectly. His other hand had returned, wet with his mouth, circling strongly on her clit. She thought she was going to shatter the glass in her hand, she was seconds away. She couldn’t hold it much longer.

“Now, cum for me. Cum for me right now Granger, in this packed pub. Do it quietly, but in your head, I want you to be screaming my name.”

And she did.

She forced her mouth to remain closed and tried to focus on an exit sign on the wall across from her. Her muscles were contracting on his fingers over and over again. She felt a bead of sweat roll down her back as she shuddered softly and came harder than she ever had. It was an out of body experience that seemed to drag on and on. She was white knuckling her martini glass when Draco swept his thumb over her clit one last time. It shattered. He stepped into her fully and wrapped an arm around her waist, she could feel how hard his cock was on her back.

Everyone’s heads snapped to the sound of glass shattering.

“My my, Granger, look what a mess you’ve made,” Draco drawled for the crowd “why don’t we get you home?”

He steered her to the floo, keeping his back flush against her. They both were in so much of a rush and post orgasm haze as he called out his address, that they didn’t hear the entire pub break into applause and cheers of “fucking finally.”

Chapter Text

They burst through the floo at Malfoy’s grand apartment and immediately froze, staring at each other. The gravity of the situation seemed to dawn on them at the exact same time.

Hermione’s face was flushed, her hair slightly damp with sweat, her dress askew with nipples prominently peeking through.

Draco’s cheek bones were tinted pink, his trousers disheveled, his fingers glistening.

He had just got Hermione off for the first time in a pub in front their entire friend group. She had come on his fingers and they still had never even kissed, never acknowledged an attraction. She started to panic, and was about to turn around and rush straight back through the floo when she heard Draco say:

“Fuck it,” and he closed the distance in an instant.

And then his hands were in her hair and his lips were crashing against hers, and their brains completely turned off.

Within seconds he had her pinned against the wall, one hand snaking through her curls and the other gripping her waist tightly. The kiss was a mix of tongues and teeth and a million words still unsaid. Of schoolgirl fantasies, of racy workday thoughts, of drunken almost kisses, and infuriating innuendos.

He broke apart and began on her neck, alternating between licks, kisses and bites.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you for making me cum in the middle of the crowded pub,” she said breathlessly, her head falling back on the wall.

He grabbed her hand and brought it down to his crotch, where she could feel a distinctive wet patch on his trousers.

“Let’s call it even shall we? I’m not particularly thrilled at cuming in my pants like a randy fucking 3rd year as a grown man,” he was sucking at her neck now and slowly moving her hand over his clothed cock.

“You we’re already hooking up with girls as a third year?” Hermione asked, gripping his thick shoulder with one hand and his dick with her other.

“No, but this particularly infuriating one slapped me across my face, and it was a bit of a sexual awakening for me,” he confessed, moving lower to get access to her breasts.

“You did not cum in your trousers when I slapped you,” she shrieked as he began softly biting her nipples over her silk dress.

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it was the first time a girl gave me an erection,” he said as he groaned into her perfect chest.

“Who knew, the only thing I needed to do to get you to finally notice me as an adult would be to slap you when you were acting like an absolute prat,” she said as she looked down at Draco laving at her tits through her dress. Between his tongue and his firm eye contact, she was already feeling herself slip out of control.

“The slapping is completely unnecessary at this point, you have me hard constantly these days. Now as enjoyable as you cuming on my fingers was, I have very big plans for you tonight. Bedroom. Now,” he said, giving her nipple one final bite, then threw her over his shoulder and apparated them to the bedroom.

If Hermione wasn’t already desperately horny before, the sight of Draco’s huge, lavish bed would’ve done the trick. It was massive, covered in million thread count sheets and countless fluffy pillows.

Immediately he had her pressed back against the wall, one of his massive hands gripping both of hers and pinning them above her head. He slid one thick thigh in between her legs, but unlike earlier in the night, it was right where she needed it. She began to grind against it inadvertently.

“That’s it Granger, ride my thigh,” he whispered against the edge of her ear.

Hermione whimpered as she began grinding desperately against the taught muscle, his expensive trousers rubbing against her bare core. He moved a hand to her waist, using his strength to move her harder against him.

“Malfoy…fuck…your trousers,” she tried to stutter in between sloppy kisses.

“These trousers are already covered in my cum, but I’d much rather have yours on them too. Why don’t we see who can make a bigger mess?” he moved his kisses down to her neck, sucking right on her sternum, taking her breath away.

Hermione was banging her head against the wall, feeling so needy and desperate, cursing Malfoy for doing more with his fucking leg than most men could do with any and all of their extremities.

“Are you going to cum like this Granger? Are you coming to cum all over my thigh while I dry hump you like a fourth year, hmm? Tell me what you need from me?”

“Please I was doing far more than this in fourth year,” she spat back, knowing this man did not need his ego inflated any further.

Suddenly, Malfoy’s hand was off her waist and on her throat. He wasn’t gripping tight, but with enough pressure to remind her of its capabilities.

“Now tell me Granger,” he said, danger in his low voice, “how many of those little boys we’re making you feel like this? Did Krum ever make you so wet you were dripping down your legs at a crowded pub with just his words?”

He let go over her pinned hands, using a wandless sticking charm to keep them to the wall, and brought his fingers down to her waist in a bruising grip.

“Did fucking McLaggen,” his grip tightened infinitesimally “ever make you this wet and needy while he was tongue fucking you in the halls?”

He was dragging her against his leg with nearly overwhelming pressure, the combination of his words and his body we’re pushing her so close to the brink.

“Because the way I see it, you’re a grown woman about to cum for the second time tonight and I’ve barely touched you at all.”

Hermione felt completely out of her body as she pulled on her hand restraints, her legs shaking, pleasure shooting all over the lower half of her body. She was overwhelmed by how sexy she found Malfoy’s dominance.

“Look. At. Me” he snapped, his hand tensing lightly on her throat. She complied in an instant.

“I want you to keep making eye contact with me while I make you cum on my knee. Now are you going to continue to be a brat, or are you going to behave?” he asked, raising a single eyebrow.

“I—I” she tried to reply but she was getting so close, her mind was long past being able to form words.

“Cum Granger, I know you want to,” then he moved his mouth to her nipple and sucked. Hard.

Her world exploded as Malfoy stole her orgasm from her, her back arching against the wall, a silent scream ripped from her throat.

He released her arms as she fell against his chest, both of them breathing heavily. He let her come down from the high, holding her steady as he played gently with her hair, pressing chaste kisses on her sweaty temple.

“Alright, Granger?” he asked, with a ghost of a laugh on his lips.

She nodded, rolling her eyes when she saw the sinfully smug look on his face.

“Good. Get on the bed. Now,” he said commandingly.

She arched an eyebrow at him challengingly.

“I am not one to be bossed around Malfoy,” she shot back at him, flipping them quickly, so his back was the one against the wall.

He didn’t look deterred in the slightest, simply smirking back at her.

“Well, I must admit, this might just be my favorite part,” a quiet warning in his voice.

He pushed himself off the wall, beginning a predatory walk, as Hermione stepped back trying to create distance.

“Though I have thought about this exact moment far more than I will ever admit, I never really knew what you’d actually be like. What you’d like or not like, your favorite positions, the sounds you’d make, all the little touches I could do to make you scream” Draco continued loftily, his slow steps pushing her backwards, further towards his monstrosity of a bed.

“I have a few sneaking suspicions, even more things I’m hoping you’re in to,” he had her backed up against the bed before she knew it, her calves pressing against the edge of the mattress.

“And what might those be,” Hermione asked, trying to look unaffected as she realized she was effectively cornered.

“Hmm, shall we start with suspicions?” Malfoy asked, casual as ever, as he began slowly shedding his blazer, charming it to hang back in his closet.

“Based on how heated our arguments get and how much you love words in general, I have a feeling that you’re a fan of dirty talk. That was all but confirmed this evening at the pub,” he said as he pulled his turtleneck over his head.

“You do love positive reinforcement, and since you we’re such a teacher’s pet I have a feeling you have a thing for praise. I tried to work in ‘attagirl’ casually in our meetings in an attempt to suss it out, based on your neck flush, I think I’m right again.”

Hermione was trying to focus on his taunts, but his perfect, broad, naked chest was vying for her attention at the moment.

“You also seem like the type to say ‘stop’ but not really mean it. So, I think it would be a good idea to establish a green, yellow, red situation. I am on a bit of a role tonight as far as being able to say, ‘I told you so,’ how am I doing now Granger?” he asked mockingly, slowly running his fingers ever so lightly up her arms.

“Green, yellow, red is fine,” she said, with only a hint of shake in her voice. She needed to get herself together, this was one of her favorite parts too. The newness, the uncertainty, experimenting with what made a partner tick.

“I like being told what to do sometimes, but I have no problem taking control too. I don’t like being boxed in one way or the other. Similar to our debates in my office, I like a give and take,” she said as she reached for the G of his belt, taking absolutely no care in avoiding his crotch.

“We’ll see if you can talk me into that,” he bit back, hissing as she brushed against his cock.

“I’m not so much one for humiliation, but I do like to a tone of…hmmm…patronizing I guess is a good way to describe it? So, what you’ve already been doing for years,” she unbuckled his belt as he rolled his eyes at her dig.

“I like to be on top typically, but I’m open to suggestions,” she ripped the belt quickly out from his belt loops with a snap.

Draco lost it, pushing her back on the bed in an instant. She caught herself on her elbows, eying him, clearly trying to decide if she was going let him get away with that.

“You’re difficult enough to figure out in real life,” Hermione continued as though he hadn’t just thrown her across the bed, “so what you’re like during sex, that’s hard to say. You’ve always been mouthy, so I’d put my galleons on you being into dirty talk as well. And while you have a bit of a domineering side, you’re also attracted to me. So clearly you like a woman in control.”

He gripped each of her legs and slowly pulled them apart, grabbing the right and pulling it to his mouth to start peppering kisses on her ankle.

“Positions, you definitely would want to be on top or doggy. And I still don’t believe the oral thing, you seem much to selfish for that,” Hermione said condescendingly, knowing she was goading him.

It worked.

Draco immediately moved to put his face between her thighs, bound and determined to show her exactly how much he enjoyed and excelled at this when her stiletto hit him right in the forehead, effectively stopping his advances.

“Aht, aht, aht. I didn’t say you could do that yet. You’ll need to talk me into it,” Hermione said, with a sweet smile.

Draco couldn’t decide if he was annoyed or agonizingly aroused by the power dynamics.

“You want me to beg you to eat you out?” Draco asked, unable to be truly annoyed with the view of her laid bare before him.

“Well like you surmised, I do like dirty talk, and I’m not sure I’m ready to give that up. I’m trying to decide which use of your tongue I’d like to make.”

In an impressive bit of wandless magic, Draco vanished Hermione’s dress and shoes, and yanked a bare foot over his shoulder.

“I assure you Granger, you will be the one begging here very, very soon,” Draco said, trying to sound demanding but faltering slightly. He was finally seeing Hermione naked for the first time, and it was a bit of a spiritual experience.

He couldn’t think of a way he’d find her more beautiful than with her sculpted legs thrown over his shoulders, her bare pussy shining in front of his face, her toned stomach and perky breasts right in his line of vision. But really, it was the look she was giving him that would do him in. She was all wild hair, lusty eyes, and a smirk so familiar, he might see the same one each time he passed a mirror.

“You are,” he began kissing up her thigh, “the sexiest,” another kiss a little higher, “thing,” a lick up to her apex, “I have ever seen,” he said breathing hotly over her.

He never broke eye contact and was rewarded by seeing her perfect façade break as she drew her lip in between her teeth.

Hermione was oh so not so subtly lifting her hips up, trying to guide his mouth right where she needed him, when he was on top of her swiftly. He was gripping her hands and pushing them roughly on the pillow, unmoving.

“Draco—what’s wrong? What’re you—what’re you”

“Shhh, just give me a moment, will you?” he asked condescendingly. Then, more softly, “I just need a moment to look at you. To finally see you like this,” as his eyes roved every inch of her body. She wanted to squirm and hide herself, to feel self-conscious, but the look he was giving her naked form was like nothing she’d ever experienced. “So beautiful,” he practically whispered and gave her a slow, searing, short kiss.

“How’s your occlumency?” he asked, suddenly struck by an idea.

She scoffed, “please”

“How about under duress? This” he released her hands and a slow trail down her body with his tongue “type of duress?”

“Flawless,” she said, breathily, staring at him as he moved back down to his previous position.

“Who the hell trained you under these circumstances? Actually, the only thing that can make me lose my erection is if you say my godfather’s name so do not answer that,” he said, tone changing immediately.

“Oh my god, gross! Snape did not train me, he failed to train Harry. And though there were many flaws in his methods, that was never one of them.”

“Maybe it would’ve been if Potter looked less like his father and more like his,” Draco started.

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence!”

“Will you just lay back, let your occlumency walls down and try to let me salvage the mood you’ve so thoroughly destroyed”

She eyed him suspiciously, trying not to focus on how delectable he looked in between her legs.

“Why?”

“Because,” Draco blew cold air right over her, “I am going to find a way to both bury my face in this very appetizing cunt of yours, while still being able to tell you all the dirty little things I’m going to do to you after,” he stuck one long finger into her. She was soaking.

“Now relax your walls,” he curled his finger slightly, smirking at the double entendre before removing it way too quick “and let me fulfill my most frequented morning shower fantasy,” he lifted one eyebrow challengingly, pushing his magic towards her.

She looked him in the eye for a moment before giving him a slow nod.

His mouth was on her in an instant.

“Fuck,” she heard in her mind as she watched in awe as he began to worship her.

“You taste even better than I could have ever imagined. A million morning erections, thinking of this very scenario, grunting your name as I came, none of those ever came close to how delicious you are.”

He was pressing wet, sloppy open mouth kisses up the left side of her labia, then her right, over and over again. She was trying to grind her hips so his mouth would meet her clit, until he grabbed both of her thighs and pressed them simultaneously down and open.

“Granger. Stay.” She heard gruffly, as she whimpered but complied.

“Good girl,” he cooed as he began kissing all over the top of her, still avoiding the clit.

“Fuck,” she said at his praise.

“Knew you’d like that, I already warned you earlier love that you’d be paying for intentionally misordering my drink” he thought, looking at her with a smirk as he continued to kiss her everywhere but.

“Are you ever going to get to the good part?” Hermione said, running her hands down her flushed face in frustration.

“Patience, little lion, remember I said I would make you beg” he thought condescendingly, rewarding her by sticking one single finger inside of her and hooking it slightly. Hermione moaned loudly.

“If the only sexual thing I got to do for the rest of my life was this, I would die a happy man. Please let me enjoy every moment of it,” a slow lick from the bottom of her slit, all the way up, stopping just before her clit.

“Please,” she was too out of her mind to play this game, she wasn’t above begging, “please Malfoy, please just suck my clit. I’ll do anything. I’ll get on my knees and return the favor; I’ll suck your cock and let you come all over my face.”

“Fucking HELL Granger, I’m trying to focus here,” he groaned into her, creating the most pleasant vibration. She arched her back and gripped her breast firmly.

“Please, please, please, I just need you to lick my clit. I need to come, I need you to make me come,” she licked her fingers and began rubbing them in circles around her nipples, “watch me play with my tits, see how desperate I am. I am dying to see your cock, please, please hurry up and let me see it. I’m begging,”

“Good girl, Granger,” he grunted, and finally, finally, sucked her clit. Hard.

“Fuck you’ve got such a perfect, dirty mouth. Tell me what you like sweetheart. Do you like when I kiss your clit, when I suck it, when I run the tip of my tongue against it, or the flat of my tongue,” he questioned as he demonstrated each option.

“I—I—” Hermione stuttered, even with ignoring her clit up until this moment, she already felt close to unraveling.

“Use your words Granger, I need to taste you come, I need to taste you squirt, I need to feel you running down my chin,” he lifted his right hand and gave a firm spank to her right thigh as he admonished her.

“I like when you suck on it, like you were with my tits earlier,” he adjusted to her instruction, “yes, ugh, perfect. Just like that. I like when you finger me while you do it, curl slightly, ugh, another finger, fuck, right there,” she was breathing heavily now. He was applying her notes perfectly.

“And I can come like this, but I can’t come…like that…like this. It’s not the right angle and your fingers,” he began to increase the speed and depth of his fingers, “your fingers feel fucking amazing, but they’re not deep enough for that to happen.”

“Hmmm,” Draco pretended to consider this new information as he continued sucking her clit, staying firm and consistent, “I can think of something that can get deeper than my fingers, but we will just have to save that for later.”

She could hear his cockiness in his voice, but she was too far gone to care. She could feel her muscles clenching around his fingers, the perfect pressure on her clit, her orgasm building slowly.

“That’s it Granger, I can feel you getting closer. I can feel you gripping my fingers, fuck you’re so tight. I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard in my entire life,” his thoughts began to get more incoherent as he could anticipate her reaching her peak, “you taste so fucking incredible, you feel so amazing, I need you to come, please, please come for me Granger. Can you do that? Can you come all over my chin? Ruin my sheets? Can you be good for me sweetheart, please I’m begging, I need to feel it”

His perfect tongue and dirty words were going to be the death of her. She could feel the beginning of her orgasm beginning.

“That’s it, come on Granger,” it was building and building, her legs began to shake as her back left the bed entirely, Draco maintaining his pace throughout, coaxing out every second.

“Fuck, Malfoy,” she yelled as she came, breathing heavily, shaking from head to toe.

He placed one more firm kiss on her clit and whispered a final “good girl” as she whimpered slightly, feeling overwhelmed with sensation.

He crawled up her body and began to kiss her, letting her taste herself, as he languidly swirled his tongue around her mouth. He let her catch her breath as he pressed chaste kisses across her forehead, her jawline, her neck.

When she finally came back down to earth she looked at his smug face, cheeks flushed, chin glistening.

“Hi,” she whispered, running her fingers through his hair.

“Hey, you,” he said with a smirk that was almost a smile.

Just looking at him like this, disheveled and freshly almost fucked had her feeling needy all over again. She was just thinking maybe she’d flip him on his back and return the favor with her tongue when he was on top of her, boxing her in.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but absolutely not,” he said firmly, with a quick kiss for good measure.

“Why can’t I,” she started but he cut her off.

“Granger, I already came in my trousers at the feel of you on my fingers, I cannot take another blow to my stamina and reputation by finishing in your mouth before I ever am inside of you. I promise I want you to, dreadfully, but not tonight.”

Hermione tried to cross her arms and pout, but he moved his mouth to her ear and her annoyance fizzled.

“Tell me something, Granger,” he began to nibble on the sensitive spot just behind her ear.

“Mmmm?” she replied, part question part moan.

“When you were teaching, She-Weasel what the term BDE meant, did you have anyone in mind?” he licked a slow strip from the base of her neck on her ear.

“No,” she lied quickly.

In an instant, Draco rotated to his back, pulling her on top so she was straddling him.

He arched a questioning eyebrow up at her.

“No,” she lied more firmly.

Draco brought one of his hands down hard on her ass cheek.

“Would you like to try that again?”

She paused. Another spank on the other cheek.

“You, I was thinking about you,” she moaned out, feeling breathless already.

“Good girl,” he said, rubbing her burning cheeks gently.

Hermione leaned slightly over, so her tits we’re just over his face. He was reaching his mouth to suck on a nipple when she smiled sweetly and whispered in his ear “but seeing as you still haven’t let me see it yet, maybe I was wrong. It’s okay Malfoy, there’s no need to be embarrassed,” she cheekily retorted, drawing out the last word.

His spanking was immediate and firm, her new angle meaning that his fingers were closer to her center this time. She moaned and ground down on his bare torso.

“Oh, you’re playing a dangerous game here Granger,” he taunted, blowing cold air on one of her nipples.

“You know they always say, it’s not the size of the boat but the motion of—”

He grabbed her hips firmly and pulled her body down, dragging her cunt across the length of his still-clothed cock.

“Alright,” he said, with the swagger of his youth, “you’ve got me Granger. You’re right. It’s tiny.”

He pulled her back over him again, as she moaned at the friction of his clearly not unsubstantial dick.

“Well, you’ve got a nice right knee at least” she said mockingly and was rewarded with another spanking.

“Now Granger, if you like to be spanked, you should’ve just asked me too. No need to lie,” he sucked one nipple into his mouth.

Hermione was both impressed and annoyed that Malfoy was not reacting to her teasing at all, seemingly content to spend the entirety of the night drawing everything out as long as possible. But her body had reached the point where she thought she’d rupture if he wasn’t inside of her right then.

“It’s alright, Malfoy, not all of us can be as gifted as McLagg—” he had her pinned under him before she could even finish the name.

Immediately he was rolling off of her and stood up to the side of the bed.

“Oh Granger,” he unbuttoned a button on his trousers, “you are going to pay for that mouth of yours,” he slowly unzipped his fly.

“And you’ll be paying for it with that pretty little cunt of yours,” he pushed his ruined trousers to his feet “I’m going to make you cum so many times” he reached the waist band of his trunks, “that you’ll be begging, crying out for me to stop,” he rucked them off in one fell swoop.

Hermione’s bit her bottom lip as she stared at the most perfect penis she had ever seen. He was big, but not so massive that it was scary, and while his length was impressive his girth was what made her softly moan.

If she wasn’t so desperate to have him inside of her, she’d be borderline terrified at how unbearably smug his smirk was, but she had a one-track mind at the moment. She had pulled herself up on the bed and began crawling towards him without even noticing, staring in awe as he pumped himself slowly.

Malfoy finally laid on the bed and pulled her on top, her legs straddling him unconsciously, trying to wriggle herself lower on his torso.

He pulled her into a deep kiss, as his hands found her hips, and brought her down on his torso over and over again, grinding her clit firmly along the hard planes of his lower abs.

Hermione tried to sneakily move her body lower, the need of having him inside of her was overwhelming. She began licking and sucking his ear to distract him, moaning softly, and waiting to hear his breathing increase before she struck.

She lifted herself slightly and put her slick cunt right on the flat of his penis that was resting against him, slowly moving up and down it, and smiled to herself at the sound of him groan.

She reached down to grip him so she could direct him inside of her, when he caught her hands

“Tricky tricky, my little lion. But I won’t be inside of you until you tell me exactly how to make you cum,” he laced his fingers through hers, pulling her arms back to the pillow, putting her boobs right in front of his face.

“You’ve already proven you know how to do that,” she finished with a groan as he began licking her nipples again.

“I know how to make you cum, but I want to make you cum like that” he gave her a little bite for emphasis.

“Oh,” she realized what he was asking, her brain not firing on all cylinders with her tits in his mouth and his perfect dick so, so close.

“Well, it’s a bit of a rare occurrence and requires a certain angle in order to—”

“What position do you need me to be in?” he cut her off, staring at her with such reverence.

“Well that sort of depends too, I guess. You have to be really deep in order for it to happen”

He cut her off again, his fingers in her in an instant, curling at her g-spot.

“No, not there actually. Common misconception. It’s literally just straight up but deep. And it doesn’t happen every time, and sometimes it does happen but before I cum? I don’t know it’s strange, it’s a whole different sensation, and it normally takes a couple orgasms before it can even happen, if it does even happen” she was getting slightly nervous at his obsession, worried she wouldn’t be able to please him this way.

As though the passageways between their brains was still open, he lightly gripped the side of her face, running a soft thumb over her cheek.

“Hey, hey, hey. Just being inside of you will be the greatest sexual experience of my entire life. There’s no pressure on my end at all, I just want to make it good for you. I assure you; I’ll be spending the entire time berating my subconscious into not busting immediately upon entry”
She laughed at his honesty, then immediately apologized for doing so.

“No need to apologize Granger. If you can’t laugh while you’re having sex, you’re having sex with the wrong person. Although, I would not have appreciated you laughing when you saw me fully naked the first time,” he said between kisses across her clavicles.

She smiled softly, her body beginning to grind down on him of her own accord, her brain reminding her how urgently she needed him inside of her. She reached down to grab him and this time, he didn’t stop her.

She sat up, angled him just so, and finally, finally, finally sank down on him.

“Fuck,” they said simultaneously, feeling as though no other word could capture what they were feeling at the moment.

Draco pulled her into a ferocious kiss as he let her body adjust to his size. Hermione delighted in the feel of that delicious stretch, letting herself sink further down him until their bodies aligned again. She planted her hands on either side of his head, hovering over him so she could continue snaking her tongue in his mouth, letting her nipples drag across his hard chest.

His hands snaked down to her hips and dragged her firmly along his length. She saw stars.

The overwhelming feeling of him finally inside of her after years of imagining it caused her to release his mouth, as she threw her head back in extasy.

“Fuck you look so beautiful like this,” Draco said against her throat. Hermione could only whimper in return.

Draco took one of his hands from her hip and gripped her shoulder tightly, pushing her up so she was sitting upright on his cock. The new angle was so overwhelming, so deep, so, so good.

“Fuck, you’re doing so well, taking all of me. How does it feel to have me inside of you? To feel this full,” he asked as he moved one thumb to circle her nipple.

“Fuck,” was the only response she could come up with, grinding down harshly, letting her clit seek friction against him

“That good, mmm? You feel so fucking incredible, you take my cock so well, such a good girl you are” his hand gripping her hip was bringing her down faster and harder than ever. She could feel her orgasm approaching, a tingling sensation beginning in her thighs and working its way up.

“I can feel you fluttering Granger, are you close already? Just a few pumps on my cock and you’re gripping me like a vice. Do you want me to make you cum Granger?” he licked his fingers quickly and moved it down to her clit, rubbing furiously.

“I fuck, yes I’m close,” she gasped out, as she licked her own fingers so she could rub her own aching nipples.

“I know you are love; I know. You’re such a good, dirty girl. Cum for me Granger, let me feel you cum like this, right on my cock,” he continued moving her along his length. Once more. Twice. Three times.

And then Hermione was out of her body, screaming his name as she felt her whole-body flush with heat and sensation.

Draco waited until she was almost done, when her spasms were getting further and further apart, before he lifted her off of his cock gently, hooked two fingers inside of her, and used that leverage to pull her up his body.

Before Hermione was even able to get her barring’s, his fingers were curling perfectly, and his lips had latched on her clit.

“Malfoy—I—it’s too much,” she whined.

“I know darling, I’m sorry but I couldn’t help it. I needed to taste you again. Come on, can you give me another one?” he thought, while he continued his assault on her clit.

“I—I—no I can’t” she knew she didn’t really want him to stop, but fuck if she didn’t feel so overwhelmed.

“Use your colors if you need to, but I know you don’t. I know you can give me another one. I know you want to give me another one.”

Every single fiber of her being felt it was on fire in the most delicious way. She was too horny to even feel embarrassed as she grinded shamelessly on his face.

“That’s it. Use my face. You love it when I play with your cunt like this don’t you?”

“Yes,” she gasped out, feeling herself get closer. Another orgasm coming swiftly and easily with such little downtime.

“I know you do. That’s it, there you go. Good girl, cum on my face just like that,” he thought as he continued his movements, staying consistent as he felt her walls shaking, her thighs gripping either side of his face. He thought that if she suffocated him with her cunt, there would be no better way to go.

“Fuck—Malfoy, I’m—I’m cuming,” she screamed and arched her back, breathing deeply.

He didn’t give her a second’s pause, as he pulled her back down his body and impaled her on his thick cock. She felt her orgasm re-ignite, clenching him again and again.

“Do you feel how hard you make me Granger? Do you feel how huge my cock is when you let yourself cum down my face? Let yourself squeeze my face with your perfect fucking thighs?”

He pushed her chest back suddenly, and she caught herself, resting her hands on his knees behind her, opening them up to a new angle that was impossibly, deeply, delicious.

“Fuck,” he groaned, finally losing some semblance of control as he drove himself further into her than he had been thus far.

Hermione used her arms to help her pump up and down on his cock, the new angle pushing her to a superior peak.

Malfoy grabbed one of her hips and dragged her up and down her cock, feeling her grip and release him over and over again. He was getting close himself, but he needed to feel her cum again. He licked one hand and began rolling a nipple gruffly with his fingers.

“You want me so much don’t you? You’re so desperate for this dick. I can feel how much you want to cum again,” they were thrusting against each other with complete abandon now, slick with arousal and sweat. The only sound in the room was the slap of their bodies and the obscene sounds Hermione’s dripping core was making.

“Fuck, Malfoy, Malfoy, Malfoy, I’m so close,” she felt unhinged in her desire. And it seemed she needn’t have worried at all because the building in her stomach that only meant one thing was creeping closer and closer.

“Already? Why are you going to cum again Granger? Why are you absolutely drenched?”

“I—I. Malfoy—I’m”

“Oh no, no, no, my sweet girl. You can call me two names, both of which start with D, but no more Malfoy. I need you to scream the name of the man who is fucking you like this, fucking you this good. The only man who makes you this fucking wet, this needy, this desperate to cum.

“D—Draco?” she asked, barely able to get the words out.

“Daddy would also be permissible,” his hands we’re everywhere, his legs thrusting wildly into her perfect, perfect pussy. He couldn’t tell if she was too far gone to admonish him for the daddy thing or if she was into it. He was hoping for the latter.

“Cum on love, one more time. Give me one more, can you do that? Can you be my good girl Granger and cum all over me?” he was staring up at her in awe of how beautifully undone she looked like this.

“Draco, if you don’t want me to—it’s about to happen—so you need to stop unless,” she tried to warn him, tried to give him and his sheets the ability to back out now.

His pace became brutal, their bodies slapping together violently as their congruent movements brought them together over and over again. Hard.

She could feel it approaching, so close to an orgasm that she knew would ruin all other men for her. She threw her head back and allowed herself to enjoy the sensations, letting her body take control.

“That’s it Granger, just like that. Cum for me,” he was begging now, staring at her in wonderment when it finally, finally happened.

Arousal gushed out of her, covering his torso and chest, spilling off and onto his sheets, noises the likes of which he’d never experienced we’re spilling out of her body, his first name among them.

“That’s it Granger, just like that. You’re such a good girl, cuming so messily for me. Fuck,” Draco couldn’t take it anymore, he finally let himself go inside of her, feeling her flutter around him again and again as he came more than he ever had in his life.

They lay there panting and exhausted, a tangle of limbs and sweat. Malfoy dragged her over to the side so she could rest her head on his chest. He scratched her back absentmindedly as she listened to his heart beat slow gradually down, their breathing evening out. She felt Malfoy fall asleep almost instantly, as men tend to do, but her brain couldn’t stop racing. After the haze of her many orgasms dissipated, she watched the sun light slowly begin to illuminate the room, and her fears came with it.

What the fuck did she just do? This was her coworker, her friend, her friend’s friend, and now she might have just ruined all of that because she let him finger her in a crowded pub. She should have known that this would have made all of the feelings she had about him, the ones she’d been pretending she didn’t have for years, so much more intense. She was overwhelmed. She needed to get out of his bed, that was huge and perfect and that smelled so wonderfully like him.

Maybe it was because of the buildup, maybe she’d just been brave too many times before, or maybe it was because she literally had Slytherin genes inside of her at the moment, but for once she chose self-preservation.

She reached for her wand on the bedside table and snuck out of bed.

Chapter Text

Or she tried. Draco immediately flung his hand out and dragged her back to bed with him.

“Oh no you don’t. You are absolutely not sneaking out like a thief in the night after everything that just happened,” he sat up and pulled her down, so they were face to face.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. This has all been, lovely, but I…I”

“Words, Granger. Come on, I know you know several.”

She went to smack him, but he grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers.

“What if we just made a huge mistake? I mean we work together; our friend groups are tied together. And you’re hard enough to read on a good day so I have no idea what you’re thinking. I don’t know if you were just drunk and horny and don’t even find me attractive or if you just think of me as a friend and regret it because of that. Or if it was fine but you don’t want to muck up the friend group. Or maybe you do want to do it again but maybe I don’t want to. Or maybe in reverse,” she was rambling now, but she couldn’t stop.

“You know,” he cut her off “for someone people call the Brightest Witch of our Age, you are acting like an absolute idiot. Now, do you remember the techniques we used last night to share thoughts?

“What are you going to do delve into my brain?” she asked, rolling her eyes not seeing how the hell that would help anything.

“No,” he said simply and grabbed her cheek in his hand, “I’m going to let you read mine.” 

Then the room around them disappeared and they were spinning through time and space.

They were in the ministry but years previously. Her hair was longer, his was shorter, they must have been fresh out of school. She was gesturing wildly while arguing with a middle-aged man. 

Ah yes, Hermione remembered this one. He had told her that he was choosing to go with another researcher because he preferred a man’s hand, no offense meant. Of course.

“Just because I don’t have a cock does not mean I am incapable!” she screamed for the whole hall to hear. Did her voice really sound that shrill when she got angry?

But instead of hearing what her own thoughts were in this particular moment, she heard Draco Malfoy’s inner monologue.

God, the word cock sounds so gorgeous coming out of her mouth.

“And while I’d love to further educate you on how our genitals don’t rule each aspect of our work lives, or even our gender identity, you are simply too daft to even be able to grapple with the finer points of biology.” 

I wonder if he’ll try and cut her off and she’ll get angrier. Then I can see her rage blush as it creeps further down her neck, inching below her blouse.

“The fact that you have the audacity to look down on me when I was figuring out how to get rid of the darkest wizard of our time,while you were twiddling your thumbs in the ministry doing absolutely nothing, simply shows your lack of intelligence.”

Fuck I’m hard, can I get fired for getting an erection on the job?

“You shouldn’t be allowed to decide anything for this department, let alone anything of importance. I accomplished more by the age of 13 than you will for the rest of your miserable life.”

What if she sees how hard I am while I watch her absolutely throttle Warbley. Will she turn her sights and yell at me? Does that thought make me harder?

The scene changed again.

She’s talking to Robard’s in the hallway, leaning casually against a door frame. She’s wearing a black button down and white trousers.

Thank fuck she’s finally wearing pants. One more day of her fuck me pencil skirts and I will have to crawl under them and lick every inch of her, waiting until she begs me to suck her clit into my mouth and—

Hermione turns and starts down the hall, and Draco sees her ass for the first time.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? She thinks she can be in a professional setting wearing that?! She legally should not be allowed to wear those. It’s a safety hazard! Someone is going to break their neck tripping when they see her ass in those trousers. Okay so not just a legal issue but a medical issue. 

All of the sudden memory Malfoy’s face became stoic once again, his eyes blank. He was occluding.

Then he was drunk with Theo and Blaise at the Leaky cauldron asking if they’d ever had to occlude because they we’re so painfully attracted to someone and did they have any advice.

He was in his office weeks later when a memo from Theo darted in saying to alert the cavalry, Granger is in the pants. Begin the occluding now! 

Blaise’s followed shortly after wondering if the issue is how her ass looks great in them, or if it’s her walking towards him down a long hallway wearing white. 

His cheeks are bright red, his face buried in his hands.

I hate my friends.

He was walking in her office with a cup of coffee in hand, looking casual as ever.

“Granger, you look absolutely feral this morning. Here drink this,” he drawled as he handed it to her, looking almost bored.

Fuck I look like such an idiot. What kind of pussy brings his crush coffee and then proceeds to act like an asshole? No, Draco you’re fine. She’s going to like it. She had to be up late last night dealing with the Scandanavian translations, she will appreciate it. But will she appreciate it in an “oh Malfoy what a sweet friend, no more no less” sort of way or a “what is in this coffee that makes me want to blow you” sort of way?  At least I know it’s right, I only made that idiotic barista Theo wants to bang remake it four times. How hard is it to boil exactly 17 mililiters of water to 29 degrees Celsius with 2 oz freshly ground coffee, steep for 120 seconds…

“I’m not even exhausted enough to properly dress you down for how rude that was and this smells like heaven.”

God please dress me down so I can wank to the memory later.

Then they were back in the dungeons sixth year, Malfoy gazing dreamily at the cauldron of Amortentia while she answered questions for Slughorn.

The smell of the wind when I’m on a broom right after its rained, the pages of the older tomes in the Manor’s library, brand new leather shoes, and something rose, citrus and lavender? A perfume? No, softer, maybe a soap?

Then he’s washing his hands in the bathroom at Grimmauld place. He’s dressed as a vampire, so it has to be the Halloween party they threw when she first lived there. He pauses and turns to the shower, grabbing a bottle of something and taking a deep inhale. He smiles softly.

Not a perfume, not a soap. Shampoo. Her shampoo. Rose, grapefruit and lavender shampoo. 

Fuck.

They’re in her office and he’s fitted in gear, ready to be sent off on a quite serious mission. They’re arguing about Werewolf rights.

“How could you possibly think that way? This is something they have absolutely no control over! And you think a registry is truly the best way to go about it? Why not just put a fucking cattle tag on their ear”

She’s rambling now, but I can’t even pay attention. I’m sorry love, I agree with everything you say on this issue. But I’m nervous for this mission and I need to see you like this one time before you go. With hair wild and fire in your eyes. This way I have something to fight to come back for. And well, worst case, a fresh memory to call forward in my last moments. 

“Do you know how dehumanizing it is to do this? The way we treat Werewolves is so similar to the U.S.A’s handling of the AIDS crisis”

Does she know how she looks when she’s like this? Has she ever been in a mirror and seen how perfect her eyes are when she’s on a tirade? How there’s a small golden band around the edge of the brown in them? How her hair takes on its own sort of magic. And fuck her rage blush. Gods she’s so cute.

They’re at Ginny and Harry’s engagement party and are out on the dance floor together, Malfoy leading flawlessly.

I have to ask the DJ what the name of this song is. It is my new favorite. I want to learn it on the piano. I will first learn to play the piano and then learn this song. And then play it every morning. Play it for her every morning. And she feels so perfect in my arms and her hair looks so lovely but there’s hairspray in it and she doesn’t smell like my amortentia as strongly this way. 

But touching her, like this, is like a song. 

They’re back in the office and Hermione is getting ready to leave for the night, she’s changing into nicer heels and putting on lipstick. She was going to give a presentation to 7^th years at Hogwarts about wandless magic. Malfoy’s face falters when he sees her.

She’s going on a date. Of course she is. She’s perfect. Any man in the world would be lucky to have her. And I’m not even sad about it because she should be happy. Gods I want you to be happy Granger.

“Big date tonight Granger?”

Can she hear how devastated I am?

She rolls her eyes not rising to the bait, since she told him Tuesday what she was doing. But she wore the pants on Tuesday and he didn’t hear a word she said. 

She smiles at him, like they’re sharing a private joke.

Gods I love that smile. I can’t believe I make her smile like that sometimes.

“Yes, an extremely important date.”

Fuck, it must not be a first date then. But what if he chooses a French restaurant when she prefers Italian? What if he orders for her but doesn’t know she likes her steak rare and not medium-rare. And she’ll be too nice to correct him so she eats it anyways even though it’s not cooked perfectly. Maybe if it gets serious, I’ll tell him. So it can be perfect, for her.

And now she’s looking at me confused but she can’t know how heartbroken I am over this. Because she should enjoy her date. She shouldn’t feel guilty because I’m a selfish bastard. Salvage this.

“Well, if he leaves you…unsatisfied,” Malfoy says seductively with a wink “you know where to find me.”

Hermione blushes.

I would take a vow of celibacy just for the chance to make you come once. You must look so beautiful when you come. And now I’m half-hard at work again.

He turns on his heel and leaves. The scene changes.

They’re at a ministry ball, maybe last years, and Hermione is dancing with Harry. At Last by Etta James is playing.

Our song, she’s dancing with Potter to our song. But look at how happy she is. 

She is like a song. Falling for her feels like a song. Like the first time you hear it and you know it will be a new favorite even though it’s still unfamiliar and new. But now I know her so well, and it will never be new again, never be the first time again, but I think it’s better. Because now I know the words.

They’re back on his obscenely comfortable bed again, in present day. And for once, Hermione Granger is at a loss for words.

“Please.” His voice is still gravelly from sleep, from being up all night, from hours of desperate kisses and dirty whispers.

“Please give me a chance. Please Hermione.”

And then the world stopped because he called her Hermione. She wonders if her name had ever sounded so beautiful. If anyone had ever let the syllables flow so perfectly with such purpose. And she wonders why poets and musicians even bother to try to anymore because no one has ever created anything that sounded as beautiful as Draco Malfoy saying her name.

She was so overwhelmed, trying to get herself together so she could respond properly. She took a deep breath, ready to tell him that she felt the same, but he was impatient.

“Forget it,” he said harshly. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, I don’t want to ruin…don’t what to ruin…what we have,” the rest was softer.

“Malfoy—”

“It’s okay Granger,” he took his hand off of her cheek. She didn’t know what she missed more: the warmth or her first name.

“We can just be friends. Please, I promise I’ll keep it under control. I didn’t mean to freak you out, I just didn’t want you to think I didn’t find you attractive or, or just thought this was a drunken mistake.”

“Malfoy, wait,” she tried to reach for him as he stood up off the bed.

“Shh, no, no, it’s fine. Please, let’s just forget it,” he looked so broken, so desperate. “We don’t have to do lunches together anymore, and I can tell Theo to bring you coffee instead so you aren’t uncomfortable. And I’ll stop coming to happy hours so you don’t have to worry about me ogling you. Maybe if you could just only wear the white pants while I’m away on a mission,” he was rambling now. She kept trying to get his attention, but he was pacing now, avoiding eye contact.

“Draco. Enough.” The first time saying his first name snapped him out of it. She needed him to know, she needed him to feel the reassurance he gave her. She wasn’t a legillimens, but she always had a way with words.

“Draco, come sit with me. Please?” He sat tentatively on the edge of the bed, leaving as much space as she could.

“Before you steamroll me and jump to conclusions,” she began.

“Oh please, much more your style—”

“That’s an absurd accusation! I am a planner and a brilliant public speaker who perfectly cultivates her thoughts before she puts them in to words—”

“I mean if we’re talking about someone who plans their words and actions, I think it’s pretty clear that I am the more calculating of the—”

“The house an old hat put you in 15 years ago does not give you the monopoly on being calculating, there’s a reason I’m the youngest head in our departments history—”

“And you all thought I was the narcissist—”

“Are they doing it NOW?” She yelled, finally cracking. Her chest was heaving, and she was staring at him with such intensity.

“What is they and what is it?”

“Are my eyes? Are they fiery now? Did you do that to get a rise out of me to see it one last time? Before you end something before it even began because I needed one minute of gathering my emotions after finally knowing that for the better part of the past decade we have been absolute idiots? Because we could have been together all this time?!”

“Wait, what—"

“Oh, absolutely not, Draco Malfoy. You shut up and listen to me! And I am going to go on a full rant right now and you will not interrupt, and you will not get an erection—”

“Well, I’m not promising—”

“When you and Dean do combat training on Wednesdays, and you have to wear those running shorts and tight tee’s, I specifically bring a second set of underwear because you look so fucking sexy I can’t stand it. And I have to change after you join me for lunch”

He shifted a little closer on the bed, a glint of hope in his eye.

“That day when we met with the budgetary committee and you cited article 3.4 of the gender equality law of 1745, reminding them that they legally had to show us all the salaries of each ministry employee. You made that absolute idiot Pronce go through every single line to make sure that every female employee was being paid equally to their male counterpart and I had to go home on my lunchbreak to masturbate because of it.”

He grabbed her hand again, she’d missed it.

“Did you know that your partner for that mission in Switzerland was supposed to be Margot Greenberg and the thought of you being gone for weeks in the Alps with another woman drove me so mad that I confounded Robbards to change it to Seamus”

“I’m sorry, you confounded our BOSS?”

“I told you not to interrupt,” she screeched.

“Yes, well you also told me not to get an erection and that didn’t work either.”

She tried her best to actually look upset at him, but now his other hand was on her cheek again and she just couldn’t be mad when he held her like this.

“The night after we danced to that song, to our song,” she spoke more softly now, “I went home so elated from being in your arms, I drew myself a bath, drank a bottle of wine, and went through my old Astronomy books looking for my favorite constellations,” she paused. He looked confused.

 “Or my favorite constellation names.”

The air itself was heavy. The weight of their confessions was taking up too much space. There was no room for oxygen when things like their song and baby names and falling in love we’re so very dense.

And then he kissed her.

And it was so different. The years of sexual tension had made the previous night’s kisses feel hungry, aggressive, desperate, raw. The darkness, the newness, the butterflies, the need to be as physically close to one another as possible.

But now, with the soft light coming through the window, with lazy tongues and hands that knew where to go, with the smell of her shampoo in his nostrils and the hint of spearmint on her tongue, it was so different. And it’s not the first time, but its better. 

Because they know the words.

Chapter Text

The languid, slow sensual kisses soon gave way to something more. Before Hermione knew it, Draco was pulling her onto his lap, forcing her legs to straddle him.

“Malfoy, are you actually hard right now?!” she exclaimed, feeling him firm against one thigh.

“Yeah Granger, it’s the morning,” he rebutted, rolling his eyes.

“You literally slept for like 10 minutes, and then proceeded to get in a fight with me!” she leaned her torso away from him, but his firm grip on her hips kept her locked against him.

“Yeah and I told you that I refused to guarantee that I wouldn’t get an erection while you yelled at me,” he spat back, moving his mouth to start kissing slowly along her jaw.

“You are so ridiculous!”

“Am I, Granger? You’re telling me right now that you aren’t wet right now?” he paused to look at her.

“Of course not!” she threw back, avoiding making eye contact.

“I thought we learned this lesson last night already?” he smirked at her, slowly moving his hands down her hips and along her thighs.

She simply huffed in response.

“I thought you were my good girl, the best in the class?” he began whispering in her ear, drawing slow circles on her upper hips.

“Normally, you don’t need to have a lesson repeated,” he started nipping softly along her ear, Hermione suppressed a groan.

“Why don’t I just check and see? Since you’re so certain,” he teased, sucking on the most sensitive parts of her neck.

“That is completely unnecessary.”

“Is it, now? I think I’ll be the judge of that. Why don’t you lie back and let me check just how pink and glistening your perfect little pussy is?”

“Malfoy—I—that’s just preposterous, there is absolutely no need to”

He cut her off abruptly by pushing her shoulders back so her upper body was flat against the mattress, while her legs we’re still slotted around his waist.

His smirk was downright murderous as he took her in, clearly enjoying the vision of her splayed out before him.

“Granger, are you actually dripping for me right now?” he looked down at her, loving using her words against her.

“Listen you’ve been kissing my neck and saying things to me and its obviously perfectly normal”

He quickly moved one hand to run along her slit, smirking when he found it exactly as he expected.

“Mmmmm, you’re drenched sweetheart,” he brought his fingers up to his mouth to suck on her arousal.

“I—I”

“Granger, why are you so wet?” he asked, using his most patronizing tone as he continued to lightly run his hands slowly up her thighs and across her abdominals.

“I’m sure you’re simply exaggerating,” she choked back, gripping the sheets at his teasing.

“You think so?” he asked.

“You’re sure you’re not just absolutely soaked for me?”  he took a single finger and dipped inside of her, sliding in ever so easily.

Hermione willed her body not to react, but she clenched inadvertently.

“You’re absolutely positive,” he curled his finger slightly, “that you’re not running down my fingers right now?”

He gave one, slow, twisting pump.

“Completely confident that your cunt isn’t gripping me like a vice?”

He pulled his finger out and brought it to her mouth, raising an eyebrow in lieu of a question.

She opened her mouth obediently and immediately wrapped her lips around his finger, keeping his burning eye contact the entire time.

“Suck.” His tone left no room for argument.

Hermione dutifully sucked on his finger, moaning as she tasted herself.

“Fuck,” he said softly, “you’re going to look so perfect with my cock in your mouth.”

He pulled his finger out, her mouth reluctantly releasing him with a loud pop.

“Now,” he began as he ran his wet finger down her neck, “how should I punish you for lying to me this morning?” The finger continued its downward descent, softly passing her breasts, drifting across her stomach.

“Should I edge you until you’re begging for me, desperate for my cock to stretch you out?” his hands met each other on the tops of her thighs, kneading her sore muscles.

“Or I could make you cum over and over again, until you’re imploring me to stop? Until you’re so sensitive that you have your own cum dripping down your legs and tears dripping down your face?” he moved his hands up, taking each of his thumbs and pulling her clitoral hood back so she was completely bared.

Hermione was trying her best to remain unaffected, but this fucking man with his stupid perfect hands and sinful words was already killing her. She’d never been one to enjoy getting in trouble before, but she was quickly beginning to see the appeal.

“Maybe I’ll put you over my knee and spank you until your arse is red and raw?” he softly blew cold air across her clit, making her shiver with need.

“I could shove my cock down your throat? And fuck your face until I cum wherever I so please?” he smirked as he watched her pulse slightly.

“Mmm, you’d like that wouldn’t you Granger? You’re absolutely gagging for it?”

While she loved his dirty words, she knew Draco could talk to himself and about himself for hours, so she opted to take matters into her own hands.

She released her death grip on the sheets and moved her hands slowly up her body, smirking as his cockiness began to show the smallest of cracks.

She let her fingers draw up her abs until they finally reached her tits. She gripped them tightly, then began circling her hard nipples with her fingers.

“Hmmm,” Hermione pretended to think, letting one hand stay rubbing her nipple while the other made its descent to her core. Draco’s eyes we’re tracking every slight movement.

“Do I have any other options?” she moved straight past his hands holding her open and plunged two fingers inside herself.

He wasn’t lying, she was fucking wet.

The look he was giving her was positively savage.

“Typically, one does not get to choose their own punishment,” he ground out, “sort of defeats the purpose.”

She took her fingers out to rub the moisture all over her clit.

“And you won’t make an exception?” she asked casually while beginning to draw slow circles around her clit, matching the ones her other hand was doing with her nipple.

“There’s nothing I can do for you that would change your mind?” she quickly licked the the hand on her breast before letting it glide down, down, down, until it finally reached his achingly hard cock that was wedged between their thighs.

“Are you trying to seduce me Miss Granger,” he huffed as she wrapped her thin fingers around him.

“Is it working?” she gave one slow pump “professor” she emphasized every syllable.

“Fuck me,” he whispered, looking helplessly up at the ceiling.

“I’m so sorry I got so wet, sir. I didn’t mean to; I just couldn’t stop thinking about how good your dick would feel inside of me. Please don’t give me detention, I’ll do anything.”

“For the love of Salazar, tell me you still have your old uniform, Granger” he desperately looked down at her hands, one circling her clit lazily while the other was dragging purposely against him.

“I do,” she paused to wet her hand again, this time with her own arousal, and continued her movements on his cock.

“The only issue is, it’s a little small on me now. The shirt is overly tight, the buttons look like they’re about to burst, and the skirt is much too short.”

“I see no issue with that,” Draco smirked down at her, his hand joining hers so he could show her a rhythm he liked, “and we will reconvene with this particular fantasy one day very, very soon.”

Suddenly, Draco grabbed her and pulled her body back up. Her legs remained wrapped around him, but their chests we’re flush against one another.

“However, I do not have the brain capacity for that at the moment,” he thrust against her, his cock rubbing against the outside of her core.

“Me neither,” Hermione said breathily, “I need you in me now,” she reached down to position his cock just so when he stopped her.

“I, more than anyone, respects your ability to distract me. You came so very close to making me forget about your punishment with your little show just then, but I am a man of my word, Granger.”

“Malfoy—come on,” she groaned but he pushed her off of him.

On her back again, he pried each of her legs off of him, moving away slightly.

“You know, Granger, I was really liking your performance,” he grabbed a pillow from behind him and shoved it underneath her arse, so her pelvis was lifted perfectly and grabbed each of her knees, spreading her as wide as she’d go.

“I think for your punishment, I’ll make you continue it,” he sat back on his knees, taking in the sight of her naked form.

“This is bloody ridiculous! If I wanted to masturbate, I’d just go home. Why won’t you touch me,” she tried to sit up, but Malfoy pushed her back down on the bed with ease.

“You know that was my plan before you decided to lie to me, Granger. If you weren’t such a little brat, you would have already cum many times over by now. A pity really,” he smirked, looking like it was anything but.

She opened her mouth to protest but he held up a hand to silence her.

“Granger, if you are good and do as I say, I’ll talk you through it. Would you like that darling? Would you like me to whisper dirty little words to help you cum?”

Hermione was irate at this point, but her horniness and overwhelming desire to follow instructions was winning out. She reached up and licked each of her thumbs, then began rolling her nipples slowly with them.

“Good girl.”

Unintentionally, her inner walls clenched, the perfect combination of his sexy gravelly voice and praise would always do something to her.

Draco smirked, and she quickly realized the reason for the pillow and spread legs. He was planning on watching every movement, able to notice everything that made her tick.

“I must say, Granger, I’ve always been an arse man, but your tits are making me reconsider,” he was licking his lips lewdly as he looked down at her.

“I will literally let you paint ‘I must not tell lies’ with your cum on them if you would just fucking touch me,” she spat back, moving one hand down her body to really start touching herself.

She could tell he was trying not to laugh, so much so that he couldn’t even smirk, just smile wolfishly at her.

“I may hold you do that, but for now, show me how you touch yourself. Show me what your fingers do late at night, when you think of me,” he licked his own hand now and wrapped it firmly around his cock.

She started slowly circling her clit, using the lightest of touches. Draco was staring intently, committing everything that made her moan to memory.

“You look so perfect like this, Granger all wet and panting for me. What gets you off when you’re all alone? What do you think about?” he was absentmindedly stroking himself, but the majority of his focus was on her.

Normally, she used her very high-end vibrator to get the job done, and using her fingers made her feel like she was back at Hogwarts again. Or the fucking Middle Ages.

“I use my imagination. I fantasize about things that have already happened and improve them, think about things I’d like to do but haven’t yet,” she kept a constant circling of her clit with one hand, and brought the other hand down to insert one finger inside of her.

“Tell me about one of them.”

“I thought the whole point was that you were going to talk to me,” she said, reaching new levels of frustration as she inserted a second finger. They weren’t really big enough to reach where she wanted.

“I will, I will. I promise. Give me one fantasy and I’ll reward you,” he took his hand off of himself and began drawing slow circles on her thighs.

Just the lightest touches from him, nowhere near where they needed to be, already had her heartrate accelerating.

“I have one where I’m in an argument with a man in my office, let’s call him Cormac,” he cut her off with a firm slap on her thigh.

“Damnit, fine. I have a reoccurring one where we are in my office over lunch arguing about something asinine. We’re going back and forth fiercely, getting closer and closer, until we’re almost nose to nose and then finally, finally, you kiss me,” she curled the finger inside of her and moaned softly. She closed her eyes, focusing on the way her hands we’re making her body feel.

“You grab my blouse and wrench it open, buttons popping off and flying all over the room,” she added another finger and sped up slightly. Draco moved his hands higher up her legs, running his thumbs along her inner thighs.

“Then you bend me over my desk and hike my skirt up,” she was breathing hard now, her fingers moving with purpose.

“You rip my panties off and stand behind me,” she was struggling to form coherent thoughts at this point, she opened her eyes to see Draco looking down at her. His teasing air was gone, his face hard and he looked hopelessly torn between loving and hating his no touching her rule.

“Keep going, Granger,” he was pleading with her now.

“Draco, I can’t. I can’t—talk anymore,” she gasped as he moved his hands up her body to her breasts.

“Yes, you can. You’re doing so good. Such a good girl for me,” he started moving his thumbs around her nipples.

“I hear the click of your belt,” she moaned loudly when he began pinching her nipples, “and you’re pulling yourself out, and I’m sick with anticipation when you finally thrust into me for the first time.”

“And how did I take you Granger? Was I hard and fast? Was I whispering in your ear? Grabbing your hair?” he questioned while continuing his attention on her breasts.

“It was hard but not fast, you knew the difference,” she gasped out, applying more pressure to her clit.

“Mmm, I certainly do,” he replied, and moved one hand down her body to join her fingers. He used his larger, stronger hands to push her dainty ones further inside of her.

“And you we’re gripping my throat and saying—you we’re saying—” her voice cut off as she felt her legs start to shake.

“Yeah? That feel good, darling? You take me perfectly, such a good girl for me,” he leaned over her and began sucking on her nipple.

“Malfoy, fuck, I’m about to,” he watched as she threw her head back, her orgasm spreading throughout her entire body.

“That’s it, Granger, cum for me sweetheart. You look so perfect when you cum,” he kept laving at her nipples as she came down from her high. The tension, unnecessary in Hermione’s opinion, had made her orgasm all the more intense.

She had to forcibly remove him from her very sensitive nipples, trying to let her heartbeat come down and her breathing steady. Draco’s head found the valley between her breasts and pressed his body weight into her, letting her relax into the bed. But just for a moment.

“Malfoy, what’re you doing,” she asked suspiciously as she felt him shift, dropping kisses down her body.

“You made quite the mess, darling. I’m just licking you clean,” he snarked, licking slowly across her abs, dripping lower to her pubic bone.

“Malfoy, I need a minute,” she moved up on to her elbows to look down at him.

“And I need to taste you,” he rolled his eyes and kept on his current descent.

“Malfoy—I,” she was struggling to voice her thoughts as he began kissing her upper left thigh.

“Colors if you need them. But I’d like to take credit for this next orgasm.”

“You we’re literally the one that insisted I touch myself!”

“Yes, and I’ve realized I didn’t quite like that punishment. So, I’ve decided on another one,” he continued kissing, licking and nipping her thighs.

“That’s absolutely not fair! What on earth are you going to—” her argument was cut off as Malfoy licked one, slow, strip up her slit.

“Delicious,” she could hear his words and subsequent moan vibrating in her dazed brain.

“I’ve decided that a betrayal as egregious as lying deserves a 3-part punishment,” she felt him push her lips up, leaving her clit fully exposed.

“Refusing to touch you was one, forcing you to cum over and over again is your second,” he took the tip of his tongue and flicked it quickly up and down, over and over her pulsing clit.

“Because when I jack off, this is what I think about. I think about making you cum on my fingers, on my tongue, on my cock. I think about fucking you through your clothes, I think about you warming my cock in public. I think about taking you every way I physically can. So, let’s work on your stamina now, because I plan on waking you up like this every morning.”

Her mind should have been so far gone in her pleasure and swiftly impending orgasm that his words shouldn’t have registered. But the promise of again. The vow of every morning managed to turn her on even more.

“Are you getting close already darling,” he goaded, inserting a finger inside of her, “I’ve barely been down here two minutes and already you’re going to cum again? What a needy little thing you are,” he began sucking intently on her clit now.

He could feel her walls fluttering softly, her feet moving wildly beneath him, as her upper body thrashed on the bed.

“I can feel you fluttering around my finger, would you like another?”

“Yes!” she gasped out.

“Good girl. Begging so prettily for me,” he added a second finger, curling it just so.

She was moving so erratically now he was having to use his body weight to keep her still as he licked and sucked and fingered her into oblivion.

“Come on Granger, cum for me. I know you want to. Please, darling, let me taste you. Let me feel you grip my fingers.”

“Draco—I’m about to—”

“I know kitten. Cum now, that’s a good girl.”

And she did.

Hermione’s mouth silently screamed her orgasm, her mouth forming a classic O shape as Draco kept licking her slowly through it.

Hermione felt like she’d run a marathon, heart pounding as she gasped shaky, desperate breaths. Thankfully, her mind came back quicker this round, and she suddenly remembered something Malfoy had said.

“Malfoy…you said you had three punishments,” she nervously sat up on her elbows and looked pointedly at him.

He looked perfectly at home between her legs and smirked in response.

“Yes, for this third one, I’ll need you to get on your knees Granger. I’ve waited quite a long time to have my cock down your throat, and I don’t fancy putting it off much longer.”

He slowly rolled off of the bed and stood next to it, naked as the day he was born, his cock standing at perfect attention.

Despite her orgasmic induced exhaustion, she felt a thrill of excitement run through her. Slowly, she slunk off the bed and onto the floor next to him, lowering to her knees.

She felt Draco grab her wild hair, pulling it back away from her face, and held on to it. A lose, make-shift ponytail, with his muscular hands acting as a hair tie.

She looked up at him slowly, wide-eyed and anticipatory.

“Fuck,” he whispered, more to himself.

“You look too perfect on your knees in front of me,” he dragged his other hand gently along her jaw.

“Draco?” she asked, he raised an eyebrow in response.

“Can you lower your occlumency walls too? So, I can talk to you while I do it?” she looked so innocent, full of an emotion he assumed was nerves.

“Yes, darling. Tell me whatever you need to, let me know if it’s too much. Alright?” he swept his thumb across her pout lips and took a deep breath. Forcing his mind to lower walls he’d built up over years of life-threatening necessity.

“Draco?” she tried tentatively.

“Yes, Granger. I can hear you perfectly,” he dragged his thumb down her bottom lip, spreading her mouth open slightly.

Then the witch had the audacity to smirk up at him. That face looking up at him while she was on her knees, just a breath away from his cock was utterly overwhelming.

“Good. Consider this payback.”

And with no hesitation, no teasing licks or tentative touches, she enveloped him in her gorgeous mouth.

“Fuck,” he threw his head back, feeling thoroughly deceived. And then further turned on by that fact.

“Mmmm. You like that Malfoy?” she questioned as she pushed him further and further down her mouth, spreading as much saliva around as possible.

“Ye—yes. Yes that’s—that’s good,” he dragged his free hand down his face.

Her right hand came up to grip the base of his shaft, moving it up and down in time with her mouth, twisting it at the end.

“You know what would make this even better? If you’d fucked me earlier so I could taste myself on your cock,”she wetter her other hand and moved it back to cup his balls.

“Damnit, Granger.”

“Mmmm. Is that hot for you? You like me wanting to taste myself? Wanting to taste pussy?” she slowly and gently rubbed his balls.

“Fuck, yes. Fuck.”

“But you just had to be difficult didn’t you? Had to play with me all morning?”

Her mouth and hands sped up gradually, spreading as much of her saliva on him as possible. It was messy and fast, and he simply couldn’t tear his eyes away.

“Gods, you’re too good at this. I should’ve known you’d be good at this. You look so perfect with my cock in your mouth, sweetheart.”

Malfoy was rapidly regretting his standing position, feeling his orgasm quickly impending and worrying about the structural integrity of his own legs.

Hermione just looked up at him coyly, moving her mouth and hands swifter and gripping him tighter.

“Damnit, Granger. I’m—I’m close,” he didn’t even have the brain capacity available to feel ashamed at his brevity.

“Already? This is what happens when you tease me all morning you know,” but her face didn’t show an ounce of annoyance. She looked absolutely pleased with herself and her ability to turn him in to just as much of a writhing mess.

“I—I” he stuttered.

“That’s it Draco. Fuck my face. I want you to cum down my throat. It’s my turn to taste you.”

His grip on her hair tightened and he began to move his hips in rhythm with her. She picked up the pace to something so brutal, she knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

“Please, please cum for me. I need you to cum. Can you do that for me daddy?”

That did it.

Draco gave one last thrust, ramming himself down to the back of her throat as his cum shot into her. His other hand found her shoulder for balance as he grunted and whimpered while Hermione drank him in. Hermione slowed her pace, swirling her tongue around his tip, using a tight grip to squeeze every drop out of him.

He immediately pulled her up to standing so he could kiss her intently. He seemed to have zero qualms about kissing her post blow job.

He broke the kiss and allowed their foreheads to connect, holding her tightly, and scratching up and down her back.

They stood there in silence, enjoying each other’s embrace before she finally spoke up.

“Every morning, mm?” she asked tentatively.

“As long as it involves you sucking dick like that, every morning for the rest of my life,” he kissed her temple.

“Okay you we’re being sweet, and you had to go and ruin—"

A loud crashed reverberated throughout the house.

They looked at each other quickly before they furiously grabbed their wands, Draco pulling on boxers and Hermione throwing on his old Quidditch jersey, they dashed to the sound. Preparing to fight off intruders.

“SURPRISE!”

They we’re practically thrown back by the sound, absolutely flabbergasted by the sight of all of their friends in Draco’s den.

“What. The. Fuck. THEO!”

“And why on earth would you think that I am to blame—"

“What the fuck Theo?! We all equally planned this!” Ginny screeched looking offended. “It is your surprise sex party!”

“I am absolutely not having a sex party with you! I do not need to watch you peg your husband on a Saturday morning” Draco looked like he was on the brink of losing it when Harry stepped in.

“No, no, not that kind of sex party. A ‘congrats on the sex party,’” he said as he gestured to the huge balloon wall covering Draco’s bookshelves, where the phrase was spelled.

“Explain,” said Hermione, doing a scary good job of channeling Minerva McGonnegal. “Now.”

“Well you see, we have been highly anticipating this event for years,” Theo began.

“You don’t even know if we had sex!” Draco yelled back.

“Draco, you literally have an erection and Granger’s hair looks like my owl lives in it, plus she’s wearing your Quidditch jersey. Don’t insult our intelligence,” Pansy shot in.

“I am still talking! Everyone placed bets on when this would finally happen, and we joked we’d throw a big brunch party when it happened. Well, you two idiots took so damn long that you gave us way too much time to plan it, so honestly that’s on you. And the betting pool got so large that we had plenty of money to cover the party and then some. Now, we we’re thinking some of it could go to the wedding, I personally have been manifesting like a gorgeous Italian countryside moment for you all—”

“Theodore. Cantankerus. Nott,” Draco looked like he was going to lose his mind. Hermione lost hers first.

She was doubled over, laughing hysterically at the absurdity of her friends.

“Oh my god I hate you all. I love you all. Who won?” she asked, wiping tears from her eyes.

“I ALMOST did,” Zabini started.

“God not this again,” Neville groaned.

“No, no, no. If it had happened at the happy hour last week, like it so clearly would have, victory would’ve been mine! But Looney over there,” Zabini pointed accusingly at Luna who seemed perfectly unphased by the rude nickname.

“Exactly, you would have,” she said serenely. “Those two we’re so close to going home together that night and my bet was the week after. So, I simply sabotaged the mood, so to speak.”

The room stood in shocked silent. Blaise looked equal parts annoyed and besotted with Luna.

Draco sighed, pulled Hermione close to him, kissed her forehead and stage whispered, “my girlfriend’s friends are idiots.”

The room broke into applause and she tried to keep a serious face and scold him for using that word before they’d discussed details of the relationship. But she couldn’t, she was just too happy to care.

While all of their friends began tucking into their lavish brunch, popping champagne bottles and asking lude questions about the night before, Draco and Hermione simply leaned on each other contentedly. They both felt like the weight of the world was lifted off their shoulders now that they we’re finally honest with one another. Like nothing in the world could pull them out of such a happy and relaxed state of being.

Not even Theo yelling to the crowd at large:

“Now who is in for bets on the wedding date?”

Years Later

Draco had to begrudgingly admit that letting Narcissa, Theo and Pansy take over wedding planning was one of the best ideas they ever had.

The manor garden was perfect, every inch of it bursting with fragrant blooms. The sunset was casting a perfect golden hour glow across the lawn, as he looked at every important person in their lives. Draco held Hermione’s hand tightly as they waited for the band to announce them, and he felt so deliriously happy that he barely heard them blare their names, almost didn’t register their guests cheering wildly, as he felt her guide him into the reception.

Everyone was on their feet, some popping off mini fireworks (Fred and George), some waving their napkins like a flag (Blaise), and many sobbing into handkerchiefs (Molly, Hermione’s mother, his mother, and Hagrid).

He took a moment to take everything in, gripped Hermione’s hand tighter, took a deep inhale, and cast a quiet “Sonores.”

“Thank you, thank you everyone for coming tonight. This room is full of all the people we love the dearest, who we couldn’t fathom celebrating such a joyous event without. And the rest of you we’re on Granger’s guest list,” he shot Harry and Ron a wink, who laughed good-naturedly.

“I know that today is about the two of us coming together in matrimony, but I wanted to take a moment and acknowledge that there is more than just two people in a marriage. No, no Blaise, not like that don’t get excited,” Blaise faux frowned and the crowd giggled again.

“Today, Hermione and I did not just join together the two of us, but rather we brought together two families, families that everyone in this room is a part of. For, if there is one thing, I had to learn the hard way, it is that blood matters very little when it comes to love,” Hermione gripped his hand tightly, knowing how deep that went.

“So, I guess what I have to say to each of you all here, is thank you. No matter how big or small a role, every one of you here have shaped me and Granger in some way. Whether it be years of raising one know-it-all bookworm, sorry Jean and Richard, or dealing with a decade of Malfoy meltdowns, sorry mum and dad,” he paused to look at each of their parents, marveling in the moment of them all being together.

“Whether we spent years wandering the halls of Hogwarts together, weekends flying over the countryside, breaking into banks,” he paused for applause as Harry, Ron and Hermione glanced sheepishly at each other.

“Joining the real world, happy hours, boys’ and girls’ nights. You helped us navigate a winding path, full of wars won and lost, of celebration and grief, of darkness and light.  Every single person in here helped illuminate the trail that led us to one another. And though we are imperfect apart, we are so perfect together, and I will never find the words to thank each and every one of you for making me, me and Granger, Granger.,” Draco cleared his throat, looking at Hermione with wonder. Feeling as though this couldn’t really be his life, that he’d wake up from this wonderful dream at any moment.

“So, I wanted to treat all of our nearest and dearest with a bit of raw vulnerability,” he took a deep breath.

“For as most of you know, I’ve had a bit of a crush on Granger for quite some time,” Theo did a spit take, Blaise corrected with “you mean obsession” and his mother looked at him knowingly.

“Right, well, you know what I mean,” he said trying to not let him embarrassment get the best of him.

“If you we’re to ask my friends when the moment was, I knew I loved Granger, they’d all say something different. If you we’re to ask Blaise, it would be when I asked ‘do you think we could convince Minister Shacklebolt that ministry employees aren’t allowed to wear white trousers? I mean there’s got to be some sort of legal precedent in preventing her from wearing those” the crowd laughed, Kingsley’s deep chuckle reverberating.

“If you we’re to ask Theo, it was when I joined him for drinks, celebrating after our first day of work, freshly out of Hogwarts, and asked him if Granger was single.”

“If you we’re to ask Pansy, it was when I asked if Granger would prefer an oval or emerald diamond. Minutes after I dropped her off after our first date.”

“If you we’re to ask my mother, it was when I wrote owl after owl, complaining about sharing the heads dorm room with the chief swot.”

He took one last deep breath, ready to bare his soul to her.

“And I know for many people they can’t necessarily pinpoint a moment, and I’m not completely certain that this was when I knew I was inadvisably in love with Hermione Granger, but I can remember the exact moment when I knew there was something there.”

“There was something so familiar about her. Like this wasn’t our first lifetime meeting, like we were destined to find each other over and over again until we finally got it right. As though someone, and we may never know who,” he gave her hand a knowing squeeze, “fiddled with time just enough to ensure we would all be here today. And so, I can remember the exact words that jolted me into this realization, though it would take me years to accept it,” his voice was slowly shaking now, grounding himself in the steady pressure of Hermione’s hand.

“And it was when one Hermione Granger burst into my compartment on the Hogwarts express, all hair and teeth and brazenness, and said,” he cupped her cheek softly, looked into her eyes, and confessed: “’has anybody seen a toad? A boy called Neville’s lost one.”

There we’re gasps and sobs and teary smiles throughout the room, but Draco couldn’t hear any of them. Every single one of his senses was focused on his beautiful wife, who was looking at him with watery, reverent eyes.

Without consciousness he led her out onto the dance floor, holding her tight as the band began to play. And as the singer crooned “At Last,”, Draco and Hermione sang softly to each other.

Every single word.