Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Coming into existence was a memory best buried. But for Optimus, the memory was too important to forget.

When he came into existence, the base memory implanted in the processor of every Cybertronian told him in what state their home planet was in. Eighty per cent of it a barren wasteland, bleak, rotten and devoid of life. Cybertron had enough energy to ignite sparks but not the resources to give them frames, and with that, any chance of survival.

Optimus had been lucky, though – His spark had ignited in a place that had enough material to form a functional frame.

However, it did not have enough for his spark brother.

Coming into existence on a half-dead planet was a painful experience. It wasn’t physical pain, however – It was the pain of solitude.

When Optimus came to, he was alone.

He was confused, scared, and overwhelmed but had no one to comfort him. No explanation, no one to hold his hand, nothing but the knowledge set in his processor. And he had to calm down first before he could even think about them, which was an almost impossible task.

He heard no sound but distant howls. Saw nothing but the grey sky and the black ground he sat on and smelled nothing but foulness. The ground felt hard and porous, with a cold touch that sucked all warmth out of his frame.

Optimus himself felt…undone. He had a feeling he was supposed to feel different. Satiated, safe and secure. This deep cold felt horrible and wrong, despite not even knowing what genuine warmth was. Something was missing from him, and he got the idea that it was fuel; A substance called Energon. But he saw nothing around him that could be fuel.

Everything around him was just a bleak desert with a few dead trees.

Optimus couldn’t tell how he felt. Hollow. Horrid. Harrowed. He wanted to live but didn’t know if he could. Everything that his processor told him he needed – fuel, company, security – was nowhere in sight.

He was just born into existent but felt like he would die right after.

Optimus closed his eyes and laid down, trying to process his short existence. Wondering if he had any chance of survival or if getting up and trying to find fuel would just prolong his soon to come death.

But amidst all that hollow despair, he felt something else. Something foreign that didn’t seem to come from him.

He opened his eyes again and looked around himself once more, trying to find something in the grey and black wasteland. Then he saw a blue light.

The ground was full of creaks and holes, and out of one of them, a blue light shone through. And the more Optimus focused on it, the stronger this foreign feeling became.

For the first time, Optimus got up on his feet. His first steps were shaky and slow, but soon he managed to walk in a straight line towards the blue light. And the nearer he came, the stronger the foreign feeling became until he was able to feel what emotion it was.

Distress.

But it wasn’t his distress. He felt it, but it came from the light. When he finally arrived at the creak with the light, he kneeled to see what caused it.

Optimus knew what it was the moment he laid eyes on it – A spark.

Instinctively, he touched his chest, where his own spark started pulsing hard and fast. And to his surprise, the spark underneath him did the same.

It pulsed uncontrollably, and the distress coming from it became more intense. But Optimus felt in that moment that it wasn’t just distress, it was a call for help, and Optimus knew he had to get the spark out of its small prison.

Optimus knew that sparks were the life source of every Cybertronian and needed to be handle with delicacy and care, so he tried his best to put his hands around the spark and heave it outside the creak with as little force as possible.

When he got it out of the creak, he got up and held it close to his chest.

The spark was cold inside the creak, but it slowly warmed up inside his palms – the first warmth Optimus felt. And the distress slowly ebbed away together with the cold until the spark’s pulsing went from erratic to calm. The warmth increased in that time and warmed up Optimus entire upper frame.

But Optimus didn’t just feel a physical warmth, no; He also felt his own spark warming up and soothing the hollow despair inside his mind.

At some point, Optimus kneeled again, still holding the spark close to him. In that time, he could think clearly and remember what- who this spark belonged to.

Optimus didn’t have a name for him, but he knew the spark belonged to his spark brother – a spark that split away from his. Or his split away from his brother’s.

Slowly, Optimus moved his palms away to look at the spark again. It looked serene and peaceful; it was completely different from how it looked when Optimus saw it back in the creak.

Optimus knew it – The spark lived.

He had to think back at the earlier knowledge – The planet ignited sparks from time to time like it always did, but because it wasn’t able to create frames for all, most of them extinguished.

Optimus looked around again – He could hardly believe this bleak wasteland had enough resources to build a frame for him. No way would it have been able to give a frame to his spark brother as well.

Looking back at the spark in his palm, shining brightly and pulsing with life, Optimus started to despair again.

Would his spark brother extinguish as well?

How long did he have to live?

Optimus thought he’d lose his brother before he even got to know him.

He didn’t know he was shedding tears until they evaporated after coming into contact with the spark in his palm, and he watched the little puffs of steam fade to nothing.

Then the spark started pulsing again.

Optimus felt alarmed for a moment, thinking that something terrible would happen. But unlike before, the pulsing didn’t come with a feeling of distress. Instead, Optimus felt the spark calling to him. The feeling was melancholy but eager.

Optimus wasn’t sure what he should do and stood still for a moment, watching the spark continue pulsing at a fast but steady pace. He felt himself reacting to it, felt the longing and call from the spark in his chest and the spark in his palms.

He moved the spark back to his chest and felt a comforting calm once again, coming from the spark. The pulses from the spark moved towards and inside his own chest to soothe his own.

Just like Optimus had comforted his spark brother before, his spark brother offered comfort to him.

Despite the comfort he received, more tears started to fall.

His spark brother was alive. He could feel and react to Optimus. But how could it survive without a frame? How could Optimus keep it safe?

The sky turned as black as the ground before Optimus moved his palms away from his chest again.

And what he saw mesmerised him – The spark shone in a brighter and fuller colour than when he found it. He thought for a moment it was because it got darker around him, but the spark also felt firmer and even a little heavier than before.

He also felt his own growing weakness – He had more trouble standing up than he had the last time. He felt dizzy, and his stomach area hurt; From his knowledge, he knew that this ache was hunger.

More knowledge came up in his processor. Knowledge about split-sparks and the unique connection they have. That since they used to be one, they can exchange their energy.

Optimus thought that he just did that. He gave part of his own spark energy to his brother.

A ray of hope lit up from deep inside of him. He could keep spark brother alive!

And he remembered that not all of Cybertron was a wasteland like this – at least twenty per cent still had resources. If he managed to get to such a place, the planet would give his spark brother a frame.

Optimus started walking but was faced with a crucial problem.

He couldn’t keep his spark brother alive if he had no energy left.

He kept walking in the direction of where he heard howls from. His steps were slow and heavy, and his arms got sore from holding the spark to his chest. He tried not to keep it too close to his own spark to not give it more energy by accident.

He could tell that the howls came from living creatures. He didn’t know which – they seemed to be alien – but he knew they were alive.

And if they were alive, it meant they had the means to survive. And whatever that was, Optimus would be able to find it.

He’d keep himself fuelled and alive by any means. That way, he could keep his spark brother alive until he found a place that could give him a frame.

Optimus transformed and drove away with a determination to fulfil his wish to meet his brother.

Chapter Text

Optimus drove through the bleak and wasted lands in his alt-mode for a while, his spark-brother protected within his own frame.

But driving took too much energy from him, energy he couldn’t spare. So, he had to walk, his spark-brother in the open within his palms.

Optimus held the spark close underneath his chest, always making sure his grip didn’t have too much pressure, that he wouldn’t accidentally drop it, and always checking to make sure it still glowed in bright blue.

He was constantly worried about it, and the feeling he got back was mixed. From within his brother’s spark, he felt confusion, worry, but also a soothing rhythm of notes, which Optimus received like little bells ringing inside his helm.

His brother didn’t know why Optimus was worried, so he was confused and afraid. And yet, he tried to calm him down. Maybe he knew that nothing was happening around them. Maybe he was certain that Optimus would and could protect him, Optimus’ own fear unwarranted.

Optimus felt all these different emotions from the outside, finding comfort in the beautiful music inside of him. The melody of comfort tried to take his mind off anything else, and Optimus wanted to focus on just that. Let anything else just wash away and be deafened by a symphony of serenity and the warm illusion of a sanctuary made of dreams.

The melody created living pictures inside his mind. Springs, wells, and falls of Energon, shining in blue deeper than Optimus had seen. A world that wasn’t the dead grey he was surrounded by, but full of colour Optimus didn’t even have names for.

Each tone of the comfort he received changed the image in his mind so much that Optimus couldn’t even focus on anything. Colours and music, none that was actually there, none he saw or heard, were moving and sounding free, going one in one, mixing together to create a feeling of fleeting beauty.

All those colours moved around him and through all the landscapes he had in mind, hearing the melody change with them. And the melody moved the colours.

Optimus had his eyes wide open, but the sight didn’t register to him anymore. His reality didn’t depress him, not with his spark brother sending him his own perception.

That’s right. His brother was but a spark. He didn’t see or hear the bleakness of their shared world. He was innocent to the nothing that surrounded them. That surrounded Optimus.

Optimus noticed after a while how his worry had faded. He held his brother’s spark in his palms without problem and fear, walked at a measured and steady pace, and didn’t pay attention to his exhaustion.

He felt like he might just die from hunger and his need for life not met, but if he died at this moment, he would not mind.

That was until he heard something. Something real.

Howling. He heard this before. He went in the direction of the howls on his own. But now, they were louder, too close for comfort.

Optimus didn’t even know what awaited him, but the howls still sent chills through his frame, concern for his spark brother coming back in full force.

And soon enough, Optimus not only heard the howls. He also saw the four-legged beasts they belonged to. These beasts no longer howled when they saw him. No, they growled.

Optimus found himself surrounded by three such beasts, baring their sharp teeth and claws.

Fear. Optimus felt fear and dread shooting to every part of his frame, freezing his joints while setting his circuits aflame. The beasts caused horrible imagery to show up inside his processor, crushing the melodic paradise he had seen before. All the colours and sounds were shattered to be filled with shards of his own destroyed frame, ripped apart by the teeth and claws of the beasts in front of him. The growling penetrated his mind as well, a deafening sound Optimus feared he’d never get rid of.

But then, he felt his spark brother. Confusion had turned into fear and dread, similar to Optimus’ own emotions. His brother’s spark was confused about what made Optimus stop imagining their dream, and it was fearful thanks to the new images inside his processor.

For a short moment, one second, the only emotion that coursed through them both was dread. A never-ending circle.

But.

But Optimus had to stop this.

He went out to seek those beasts with the intention of finding out what kept them alive. He couldn’t let fear stop him from his goal.

Optimus needed to know how they kept themselves alive so he could do the same. So he could stay alive and keep his spark brother alive as well. And now, he had to fight to stay alive.

Optimus transformed into his car mode the second one of the beasts jumped at him. He managed to trap the beast’s front paws between one of his many transforming parts, ripping them off.

The sound and sensation were horrible. The sound of metal being crushed and ripped off was hurting his audial, as well as the cry of the beasts. And he had the lifeless pieces between his frame now, causing him to go back into his robot mode again to get them off.

During this stunt, he managed to have his spark brother inside his arm the whole time, not letting go. But Optimus couldn’t be relieved, as the remaining two beasts attacked.

Optimus felt the exhaustion he was pressured with, but the rush of fear gave him new energy, enough to fight back and survive.

Optimus leapt to the side while transforming again and stayed in his car mode for longer to run over another beast. And again, the experience was harrowing, hearing another creature die in such a crude way. Optimus also noticed the smell now. A bitter, sickening smell of whatever it was those beasts bled. Optimus could tell it wasn’t Energon.

Optimus had one beast left to kill and was still in his car mode when he saw it moving in circles around him, waiting for the right time to attack. It was quick as well, making Optimus wonder if he could catch it like this. It would be able to dodge way faster than he could make any turn.

Optimus waited still, waited for it to attack. His spark brother was safely tucked inside him, protected within his armour.

But then, he caught sight of something bewildering.

The remaining beast ran off, away from him. Optimus was surprised, wanting to know where it would go. And he saw it run to the still-alive beasts without the front paws.

It spasmed and shivered, its red blood leaking from the wounds, but it was still alive. It cried and howled from pain. And the other beasts took it out of its misery, biting into its neck.

Optimus was shocked by what he saw, another chill running down his frame. Such display… was met with apprehension from within. Such behaviour, biting one of your own kind, was wrong, according to the data he was created with.

And it was more than just biting.

Optimus saw the neck and upper body of the beast moving. Its colour began to shine within seconds, and it even seemed to get bigger, while the other lost all colour and became thinner.

Only once the victorious beast turned away from the victim, turning towards Optimus again, could he make sense of what he witnessed.

The victorious beasts’ teeth and mouth were dripping the blood of its victim. It drank the life essence of its former comrade.

That… That was how these beasts stayed alive. They drank each other’s living blood.

The blood dripping from the beast’s mouth was of dark red colour, turning black within seconds. The same black colour from the dead beast Optimus had run over. The fact that the victorious beast drank the blood of the beast that was still alive gave Optimus a good idea of how this circle of life worked.

Killing and feasting were one and the same act.

The victorious beast had its attention on him again, jumping to attack.

Optimus transformed into his robot mode again to catch the beast with his legs mid-air, kicking it away. He had to hold his spark brother with his hands, so he could only do battle with his legs.

He managed to get the beast away from him for a second, but his plan to transform back into his car mode to run it over was destroyed by the beast recovering faster than expected. Optimus saw that the beast hardly lingered on the ground it fell on, not irritated by pain or the injury on its front at all.

It ran towards Optimus faster than he could think, faster for him to do anything but turn around to keep the spark inside his hands away from the beast’s deadly teeth. Instead, his shoulder fell victim to the pain and agony.

Optimus let out a cry, the pain too much, too overwhelming for him to keep his balance. The beast pulled him down on the ground on his knees, its bite becoming more agonising by the second. And yet, Optimus had only his spark brother in mind, holding it as far away from the beast as possible, almost fearing of crushing him himself this way.

But like this, Optimus found no way of getting the beast off him. The pain made him lose focus. Optimus then decided to hold the spark with just his free arm, shaking the other violently to get the beast away.

But the beast, which was longer than his arm, kept its teeth buried deep within his armour plates, ripping and denting it apart to get to Optimus’ life essence. Some of it, his Energon, was already flowing down in small streams.

The pain only increased as much as Optimus’ panic and dread. But he had one last idea.

He was on his feet again and simply let himself fall on his right side. Crushing the beast underneath his own weight.

However, he remembered one thing. To not kill it.

The crash to the ground added to Optimus’ injury and pain, but he also heard the cracking and crushing of the beast. It suffered, trying to escape, the cables and fibres of its neck straining from the horrible angle it was trapped in.

Optimus still needed to get the beast’s teeth away from his shoulder but was faced yet again with the problem of having no free hand. But he was able to solve that for this time. He simply moved his lower arm away from his waist, putting his spark brother inside his right palm.

And with his now free left arm, he was able to pull the beast away from him and get up on his knees.

His shoulder still hurt, but he could move his arm, drawing it close to his chest to shield the spark. And with his left hand, he held the beast in place.

Optimus saw where he crushed the beast’s right leg and lower body, living blood flowing from many cracks. The beast hardly struggled, losing strength.

Optimus remembered what he had seen before. These beasts lived by drinking each other’s blood while still alive. This is the answer Optimus was seeking.

But nothing inside the knowledge he was created with suggested this would work for him. Just the idea of drinking the shed Energon or blood from another creature was abhorrent and wrong. But… it was life. Nothing inside his processor suggested that drinking blood was bad for him, just that it was wrong.

On the other hand, this wasn’t Energon like he needed to survive, and that flowed through his frame. But it was life all the same and the only thing around. If these beasts had to kill each other to survive, then it was definitely because they had no other option.

Just like Optimus had none.

Optimus decided to do the same he had seen from that same beast before. His teeth to its neck.

Unlike the beasts, Optimus had no sharp teeth to pierce through metal, so he had to put a lot of painful pressure and force into his bite. The beast’s plating was crushed between his teeth instead of pierced by the end, leaving a whole mess behind when he got the main blood pipeline.

But he managed to drink the red, living blood.

It was hot running down his throat, leaving a bitter taste behind. But he didn’t stop. It hardly even registered to him as anything bad as he felt his tanks being filled for the first time.

When he couldn’t get anything out of the spot he bit through, he heaved his upper body up again, looking down at the beast that was now dead and without any colour.

For a long moment, he just stared down, not sure what he should feel. One thought was present, that being that the beast would have done the same to him.

And then, a deep melancholy hit him. His entire frame sacked down, and he rolled to his side, lying on his healthy shoulder with the spark still close to his chest. He was still in pain, but that was not what had him so exhausted. No, it was some indescribable weight on him.

Nothing in his knowledge suggested he needed to kill to survive. Nothing suggested something would try to kill him to live.

But the knowledge didn’t give him any indication of what his life should have been instead. All he gathered was that Cybertron was a wasteland, some weird norms and rules that meant nothing to him, and the information on himself.

Would this be his life? Killing each day until he gets killed?

Optimus had his eyes open, looking at nothing until he noticed the blue light from the spark in his arms growing in colour and intensity.

Curious, he looked down, seeing that the spark had indeed taken a richer and brighter colour again, thanks to the proximity to his own spark. And he didn’t feel as exhausted as he had the last time this happened.

Optimus sat up, trying to get a feeling for his own frame and condition. The injury on his shoulder had stopped hurting, and he even saw that it had started healing. His hunger aches had faded, and so had the tiredness, even though he just gave a large amount of energy to his spark brother.

Optimus looked back to the beast he had just killed, whose blood he drank.

It worked. Drinking the blood of these beasts worked. Not only did it work for himself, but it also worked to keep his spark brother alive.

Optimus could tell that the spark was in turmoil before, and it still had a few static pulses coming from it. Optimus held it close to him again, trying to get the feeling of security and safety to his brother. The danger was gone. Danger, which his brother couldn’t even name, know, or see.

Optimus got up and transformed, driving faster now and further than before.

The idea of spending his entire life just killing and trying to not get killed was still haunting, nothing worth living through.

But he still kept in mind that not all of Cybertron was like this. Somewhere, he would see something else, experience new things, and if he pushed through hard enough, he’d see his brother in the frame he was meant to have.

And maybe, hopefully, Optimus could find places like the ones he imagined thanks to the comfort his brother, his sanctuary, granted him.

Chapter Text

It was a long way until his surroundings started to change.

Optimus managed to stay alive by eating and consuming the life essence of the strange beasts roaming the wastelands. He soon lost count of the endless fights he had to go through. They became routine. Almost the only activity that made any sense to him anymore.

Optimus started to smell beasts and their blood long before he saw them. He started to hear their howls from a wider distance. His reflexes got better, and so did his abilities to fight.

Soon enough, Optimus didn’t even feel the need to transform in order to defend himself. He had become fast and agile enough to dodge and slice without having to worry about dropping his spark brother.

His fingers have formed a sharp end, and even drinking from the beasts’ neck has become much easier with his teeth growing fangs to bite through metal.

Optimus could hardly remember if those were changes or if he was always like that. After every battle, after each thirst quenched, he felt sunken into himself.

No thoughts. No goal. Nothing.

Just bloodlust and the desire for more.

It was only his spark brother that made him remember himself. His reason to go on. His name.

Right. He killed and fed on those beasts to keep his brother alive. And he walked these lands to find a place rich enough in resources to build a frame for him.

Once a running thought inside his mind, now he needed to be reminded of it again and again.

Optimus found a place to recharge under a few dead trees and wondered, melancholy roaming inside his frame without hindrance.

Would he always be able to remember? Would he always come back to his senses? What if he loses himself to the bloodlust one day and forgets his spark brother? What if he becomes just like the beasts he fights against?

Would his spark brother always be his anchor, holding him in place? Making sure he couldn’t move to places beyond sanity?

Optimus held his spark brother in his palms, afraid to touch him with his long claws.

The spark was shining in bright light, the only colour Optimus could see in the darkness of the night. And all he did for a long while was to just look at it.

How much longer would it take for him to reach his destination? A destination he had no road to. How much longer could he bear to take this blood-ridden path before he lost himself to it completely? Would a way back be possible? Would everything be okay when his brother’s frame came to life? Would he be even able to make it?

Would he remember his spark brother?

Or would he go so far as to abandon his brother on this rotten wasteland while his instincts override his actions?

Optimus’ thoughts started to blend into each other, nothing coherent coming out of them. And oh, what headache they caused.

He knew he was a creature of rational thought and sentience, but it became harder and harder to stick to such concepts. What power did rationality have in this world he found himself in? It's kill or get killed. Optimus didn’t need to think to know that. And neither did the beasts.

He felt as if he had to beat his mind into thinking, hit it over and over again to make it work and keep functioning.

Optimus had to keep a rational thought intact, as otherwise, he wouldn’t remember to keep going. His instincts wouldn’t lead him to keep going and going. And they also wouldn’t tell him to keep this spark with him and let it feed on his own energy. He’d have a better time surviving and killing if he were without his spark brother.

But what he be without his spark brother? Just a beast.

A beast damned with life only meant to be shattered and taken out.

And Optimus had to remember that he didn’t want to survive. He wanted to live. Live a life with his brother.

But sadly, all kinds of knowledge of what a true life would even entail were almost lost to him.

Optimus brought his spark brother close again and just let himself feel the pulses and emotions coming from him.

That was the only kind of communication they had with each other. The only way to let each other know they weren’t alone.

His spark brother always comforted his own distraught spark and filled his mind with colours and light.

And sometimes, Optimus could even feel the prickle of sensation on his rough plating. A phantom feeling of touch. Not the claws and teeth of beasts, no pain or discomfort.

Just a gentle warmth where cold was all he knew.

Was this what he was chasing? What would await him if he finally managed to fulfil his goal?

The warmth and love he could only feel a small glimpse of in silent moments like this. Would he be able to feel more of that when his spark brother finally had a frame?

Would he feel real touch? Real warmth? See eyes similar to his own, experience the feelings of comfort and calm he never received from this wasteland?

Everything always happened inside of him, while the outside was filled with danger and bleakness.

What his spark brother offered him was all the light he had, something he clung to with burnt hands, unwilling to ever let go. A scorching ember that would destroy him but was the only thing that could make him forget about the cold he was surrounded by.

 Would the cold ever come to an end?

…

Optimus was walking on his feet, feeling the itch to use them instead of driving for once.

A forest was next to him, all made out of dead trees and no life coming from within. It was nothing that was useful to Optimus in any way, but it was new.

He liked to just look inside, see different shapes and shadows. Admire the light shining inside and causing different play each time.

The forest became emptier as more time passed. It came to an end, and Optimus was almost sad to see it go.

He wished he could have shared this with his spark brother and hoped that his own feeling of awe reached him. Maybe his dear brother was able to come up with his own idea of what caused the awe he received. Maybe he saw the inner image Optimus had created inside his mind about the beauty of light and shadow, having fun trying to understand it on his own.

His brother might not be able to know what light and darkness even are, but Optimus hoped he was able to give him a slight idea about what the real world was like.

And then he saw something else.

Another colour.

At the far end of the forest, Optimus heard crackles, a sound he had never heard before. And from that direction, a new colour sprung up.

It was…red? If he recalled correctly….

A red spark.

Newly ignited.

Optimus stood still. He could only look at the red spark for a moment. It shone brightly in red, a new sensation he hadn’t seen before.

He knew most of his own plating was red, but it was hardly visible in the greyness that surrounded him this whole time. And the only real colour he saw was the colour of his spark brother, who was blue.

So, seeing a new colour shine in the intensity the world was always meant to be painted in… it was beautiful.

It was a warm colour, and it felt strong. It felt alive.

From his spark brother’s blue, he always felt calm and comfort, something gentle and kind. Tranquillity and quiet. But the red of this new spark felt different. It felt energetic. Loud, even. A promise of movement, of force and strength.

The spark floated in the air for a while before it came down, and Optimus just looked at it.

The darkness of night began to come back, and Optimus was still awestruck by the red spark. A third life next to himself and his spark brother. A friend, perhaps?

What feelings could this spark share? How could it differ from Optimus’ spark brother? What life could it lead with such strong, lively energy?

Time passed by, and Optimus couldn’t think about the reality that would soon hit this spark. He didn’t think about the fact that he felt nothing from the spark like he always did from his spark brother. All he could think of was the beauty coming from it.

But the spark couldn’t continue to exist without a frame. And it had no one to keep it alive.

It came into the world alone.

Optimus started to flinch when he saw the red colour crack. Thin, black lines breaking the colour apart.

The colour itself faded to grey, slowly and agonizing, until the spark faded completely with a cry.

It was the sound that startled and shocked Optimus so much. A force strong enough to make him fall backwards. And now, his world was black and grey again. Black, grey.

The red was gone, and so was the life he had seen.

Optimus couldn’t move.

He could move his limbs; he couldn’t move anything.

But his entire frame started to shiver as the cold around him started to increase, restricting and painful.

And he couldn’t look at his spark brother inside his arms.

Fear coursed through his mind and frame. Fear of looking down and seeing nothing. Looking at his arms and seeing only black and grey again. Fear that his beautiful blue had vanished alongside the red.

Was this…. Was this what would happen to his brother if he didn’t feed him with his own energy?

Would he cry like this? Would he feel pain? Would he leave nothing but bleakness and darkness behind?

Would the world even care?

Had Optimus not been around, the red spark would have ignited and gone out without anyone or anything knowing of it. Nothing changed during the time frame in which it existed.

Did it feel Optimus being near it? Did it know that it wasn’t alone? Did it cry from pain? From being alone? Or because of sadness, knowing it lost Optimus’ presence? Or from sadness, knowing it would leave Optimus alone?

Finally, Optimus looked down at his arms again, seeing the blue shine of his brother.

His brother was distressed again, thanks to Optimus’ distressing emotions.

Optimus stood up, trying to soothe his brother, who had been left with no answer for far too long.

And yet, the fear remained. The fear of losing his brother. The fear about the uncaring world he was brought into.

Did a world beyond this bleak desert even exist?

Could he experience what the red spark had shown him? A strong will to experience everything, to explore and get excited. To leave footprints in a mesmerizing world, making yourself known?

Optimus could only hope. Hope and move on. Hope, move on and live on.

The spark faded, but Optimus knew it existed. He felt its will.

As long as he survived, the spark would continue to exist inside his mind. Inside his memory. The colour red had meaning for him now.

The world was uncaring, but Optimus cared.

The spark caused him fear and pain but also awe and beauty. And a new will to live on.

All while his brother kept giving him calm and comfort, enough to get over the pain.

Chapter Text

Optimus‘ daily routine didn’t change for who knew how long.

Walking, driving, killing, feeding, seeing the same grey and black wasteland.

Nothing else happened for a long time. He kept his spark brother safe and healthy and was content with that alone. He almost forgot what he was hoping to reach by travelling the whole time.

All until his surroundings changed.

Remnants of destroyed structures came into view and stayed for a long part of his journey. The beasts had many hideouts within those giant, broken walls. What were those? After trying to give it some thought, Optimus came up with a word to describe what he saw – Houses. A city. A ruin.

Optimus climbed up one of the larger, stable walls he saw, giving a view to a whole landscape of this ruin, reaching the horizon.

Was this a good sign? Was he reaching a place that had resources? Or did he just walk in the way of doom?

He decided to keep walking in a random direction until he made it outside of the ruins. He was well fed now and didn’t wish to fight, so his steps were careful and slow. However, every rustling noise, creak, or any other little sound had him be alert. His hearing was almost paining him – The wastelands were so quiet. Within these ruins, he heard wind piping, structures falling, sand dripping.

But one noise surprised him to hear. It sounded nothing like the beasts, no, it sounded similar to himself. The fine, electric little noises that came from moving. It frightened Optimus to hear, sounding so foreign yet familiar, and he took cover.

The noise was very faint and came in a steady rhythm. Peaking from his hiding spot, Optimus tried to see what it was, and he couldn’t believe his eyes.

A Cybertronian!

A Cybertronian was sitting on the ground, leaning against a crumbling wall!

He never saw another of his kind. Suddenly, the noises he heard made sense – They came from this Cybertronian. Of course, they did! Why didn’t he think of that before?

Did this mean that the ruin had resources after all?

Optimus looked at his spark brother and noticed no differences to usual. It lit up a little bit, reacting to his surprise with curiosity, and he tried to give positive feedback. Because this was positive, not? To meet another of his kind?

Optimus decided to take a step closer to the Cybertronian. Their colours looked dull, greyed out, almost mixing in with the background. Except for… for something that was on top of the Cybertronian. A sheet? Nothing mechanical, at least. And it had a deep red colour.

Despite Optimus’ excitement his steps were slow and careful again – He couldn’t know if this Cybertronian would be friendly or not.

And when the Cybertronian moved, lifting their helm, Optimus was startled and took on a defensive stand on instinct, ready to attack should he feel threatened.

Then… then the Cybertronian moved their mouth.

But the noise that came out…. It made no sense to Optimus.

Optimus tilted his helm in confusion. What was this Cybertronian doing? Such deep sound coming from their mouth, could Optimus do this too?

The Cybertronian did it again, and this time they waved his hand as well. From Optimus to himself. Did he want him to come closer?

Optimus decided to take a few steps closer without losing his guard. The Cybertronian kept making noises, and after a while, Optimus’ processor came up with a word for it. Talking.

“…*’)&%)”(§…yes?”

Ah! Optimus stood abruptly – He understood something! A word, the Cybertronian was using words! And he knew one of them. …Should he know all of them?

Optimus came closer once more, until he was right in front of the Cybertronian, and knelt. Looking at them. When he noticed the Cybertronian’s gaze falling on his spark brother, he tried to hide it through pure instinct, and growled as a threat.

The Cybertronian reacted by lifting their hands – They looked damaged and weak – and by talking again.

“Wow, wow…” They spoke slowly, and Optimus managed to understand the words now. “I mean no harm.”

No harm…. No fight. No damage. No death. So, this Cybertronian really was friendly?

Optimus couldn’t calm down completely, but he tried to relax. He still hid his spark brother, however. He couldn’t risk anything happened to it.

The Cybertronian did something weird with their mouth now. No words, just loud “Ha” noises. Something Optimus registered as good but couldn’t place at all.

“Oh… what is your name, boy?”

….

…Name?

Optimus… his name was Optimus. But why was the Cybertronian asking for it? They kept quiet as well now. Didn’t they know what his name was?

What’s a name anyway?

“Hm? Can’t you talk?”

Optimus didn’t know. Could he talk as well? Use his mouth, which he only ever used to bite and growl?

“Ah,” that didn’t sound like his name. How did this work? What was he supposed to do with his tongue? “Oh.”

“Oh? Is that your name?”

No! “Oh” sounded correct though. More than “Ah”.

He tried again, with difficulty. “Ooooh… p-p-p, tee…mahs.”

The Cybertronian tilted their helm: “Optimas?”

That didn’t sound right.

“…mus?”

“Optimus?”

That was correct.

The Cybertronian was quiet for a while, then said: “Is that correct?”

Hm? It was correct! Did Optimus need to say that too? His spark brother just understood. Talking was annoying him already.

“Co- o- rrect.”

“Good!” Optimus noticed that he was calmer now that he was certain the Cybertronian was no threat. So, he sat down comfortably and listened when they kept talking – He sure enjoyed listening more than talking: “I see you haven’t spoken much at all. If that spark in your arms was your only company until now, I understand why. I am the first Cybertronian you met, didn’t you?”

“Ah, correct.”

Optimus liked the deep voice of this Cybertronian. They spoke slowly enough for him to follow, and it even soothed him a little. His spark brother seemed to like that soothed state.

“Is that spark your brother or sister?”

“Correct. …B-brother.”

“I see. Will be a giant!”

Giant…? Optimus looked at his spark brother again. He couldn’t tell anything about what kind of person it would become once it had a frame. Not even a name.

“…How… How do you know?”

“Talking gets better with the second!” The Cybertronian made that “Ha” sound again. “I know because you were created. If the place you were created in only had enough for one of you, then it naturally selects the smaller one.”

Optimus never thought of that. He guessed it made sense. But he couldn’t imagine the spark in his arms to once be a giant, taller and broader than him. Right now, it was so small and helpless. And its feedback was always so gentle and kind.

“Optimus,” Optimus turned to the Cybertronian again – It felt strange hearing his name. But it was nice too. “I don’t need to ask – You fed on beasts until this time, right? I can see it in how your frame has these beastly features. Even your posture is unnatural. What a world Cybertron has become, one in which someone must resort to drinking the blood of beasts…. Do you wish to know what these ruins once were?”

Optimus was confused for a second, but yes. His frame truly had changed over time. He could remember not having fangs the first few times he fought against the beasts, for example. And these ruins? He was curious.

“Correct.”

“Say yes, that is more accurate.”

“Ah, yes.”

“This ruin was once a mighty city called Iacon. Millions of Cybertronians lived here. It was full of life, lights, and excitement. I remember living here, and I saw my city get destroyed…. I am old, you see. And I will die very soon.”

Optimus had to think about the red spark. The one he saw dying. Would he now witness someone dying again? The thought filled him with sadness.

“Before I die, I wanted to return to Iacon. Destroyed or not, it is still my home. But you, you don’t have to stay here. Give me your hand.”

Optimus was surprised by the order, hesitating. But he decided to comply and took the Cybertronians shaking hand, trying hard not to cut them with his claws. “You are not alone, Optimus. A group of resistant fighters exist, and they hunt down the Aliens who destroyed our planet. I will give you the information on how to get to them, as well as a place that has enough resources for your brother. It be will dangerous, but I think someone who eats beasts for breakfast has nothing to fear.”

The Cybertronian ha’d again, but Optimus could only focus on the information given to him through a cable coming from their hand. And within seconds, he suddenly knew where he needed to go. How long it would take. How to finally get to meet his spark brother.

All thanks to this Cybertronian.

Optimus looked at them until they said: “The words you are looking for are Thank You.”

“…Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Hey,” The Cybertronian picked up the red sheet. “Use this to carry your spark brother! That way your hands are free.”

Optimus was confused yet again, but he let the Cybertronian pick up the sheet and put it around him. In the end, the sheet was fastened around his torso with his spark brother inside. He truly didn’t need to use his arms anymore to carry it.

“Thank you!”

Optimus wanted to leave. He finally had a direction and clear destination. But he felt bad about leaving the Cybertronian behind.

He tried to drag them up, getting them to stand, but they refused. “No, no, Optimus. Go without me. I won’t be much help for you anyway. My time has come.”

“…Death?”

“Yes. Death. But it’s alright. When you meet the resistant fighters, tell them Alpha Trion sent you, alright?”

Optimus didn’t want to let the Cybertronian die. But he still let go. They- He was dying already. The colour faded more and more.

“One more thing,” Alpha Trion’s voice was becoming weaker and quieter. “You should talk to your spark brother. Don’t forget how to speak by not doing it.”

The colour of Alpha Trion’s eyes faded.

He was dead.

“Brother… Let us go.”

Chapter Text

Having a destination made the road so much shorter, the journey so much faster. A place to go to, not just a vaguely articulated goal. A place that Optimus finally reached.

“…We arrived, my brother.” Optimus talked to his spark brother, just as Alpha Trion had told him to do. “Soon, we’ll meet each other. Are you excited?”

As expected, his spark brother never answered. Optimus was certain he couldn’t hear anything. And yet. His brother always reacted to him speaking, feeling the emotion Optimus covered with his words.

Optimus was happy, optimistic, thrilled. His brother reacted in kind, sending those same emotions back at him.

A strange thought had Optimus pause before preparing to fight the new enemies he had already seen. His spark brother had no perception for anything but Optimus. Did he even know what Optimus’ goal was? Did he know that he could become something bigger than he currently is? Despite not knowing anything, not seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting, smelling anything, he was still happy. He was happy because Optimus was. …A warming thought.

Optimus was standing on a cliff, looking down at the giant construction in front of him. It had a wide, flat ceiling and behind it was a large, glowing field, crystals everywhere. Optimus could feel his spark brother becoming brighter and warmer the nearer he went, but nothing else happened yet. He guessed he needed to place his brother right into that large field with resources before a frame could be built for him.

Optimus had his spark brother securely tied to his stomach with Alpha Trion’s cape, meaning he was able to fight against the aliens that destroyed and occupied Cybertron with both arms, both legs and teeth.

The creatures had spears and Optimus bit through them, destroying them, before ripping the creatures apart. They always aimed too far above – Optimus was always crouching, running on all fours, jump as fast as possible from one enemy to the other. He got their blood on his tongue, an abhorrent taste. The creatures were easy to pierce through, not half as hard as the beasts he had fought against all this time.

And yet. Their number increased and increased. Optimus was standing in front of the building, seeing more and more of those aliens coming from both sides. It wouldn’t be a good idea to try get to the resource field by running around the building. He had to get on top of it.

Optimus jumped high and managed to hold himself on the building with his claws. The aliens couldn’t follow him, so he made it to the top in no time. In front of him was now the long, flat roof, and right behind it were the resources he needed. His spark brother was even warmer than before, and Optimus could see his light shining through the cloth.

Soon. So close. Optimus just had to run…!

Before he reached the edge, ready to jump down, the aliens attacked him again. Optimus failed to see them coming – They came from behind, many of them.

He was startled, in a short state of shock as his back got pierced and damaged. But he wasn’t down yet. The pain was sudden, but nothing that could hinder him anymore. He grabbed behind him, took hold of a creature and threw it towards a row of others. He did the same with the second creature still holding him down, stood up and was ready to fight again.

Optimus could hardly see the roof anymore, as too many of those creatures were in his way, causing him to get angry and frustrated. So close, and yet…!

He attacked the creatures, killed them, killed more, ripped them apart, but they didn’t want to become less. The corpses he left behind were getting in his way. He stumbled over them, he got distracted and hit.

It was too much.

Optimus couldn’t give up on his goal, however. No. he could never give up on his spark brother. So he tried to push the creatures and their corpses away, make a jump for the resource field.

…But he didn’t manage the jump.

A spear got him. Tore through his side. But what hurt much more was the ripping of the cloth.

Optimus got hold of it, tried to keep his spark brother safe, but he couldn’t land on his feet. He was so close to the edge, but couldn’t make it. He fell on his side, the damaged one, and his arm got hurt in the process. The damage was too great to keep his hold on the cloth.

His spark brother was unprotected.

The creatures were on Optimus again, but he could hardly care about them. About them stabbing him, hitting him. He just tried to reach for his spark brother, trying to get him back into the safety of his arms, the place he had always been. But he couldn’t reach him…! Couldn’t grab him. Couldn’t get a hold of him. Instead, he only managed to push his spark brother off the edge.

The blue light in front of him disappeared, and so did all light. Everything disappeared.

The building was tall, too tall. His spark brother would break, fragile as he was. Optimus couldn’t feel any pain, couldn’t see, couldn’t hear.

His light was gone.

He shattered. Inside of him, he shattered. He sunk, deep and only going deeper. His own spark gave out, stopped, feeling hollow. All his memories, his journey, all of that faded in that moment. If his spark brother was gone… what… what… how could he go back? How could he pick up what was destroyed right now?

…Was that even possible…?

His spark was alone now. He was alone. Where was the feedback he always got, each minute, each second? The confusion, the curiosity, the happiness, the fear? The small bundle of electricity, light and emotion, always communicating with him, always wanting to feel him. How could he live without this one spark of life he had carried his entire life…?

It faded, the connection faded… until it was close again.

Optimus could feel it. He was lying on the ground, face down, battered and damaged with the creatures still around him, his entire frame enveloped in pain and his blood.

But a heavy vibration and loud sound made him move his helm. He couldn’t see what it was because the creatures were in the way, but not for long. They were thrown away, pushed away, all of them. Optimus could hear punches, crunches, ripping metal. And steps.

Soon enough he saw giant, blue legs. He felt the weight on top of him leaving, pulled and thrown away.

Optimus wanted to move, but felt too weak to lift himself up. He felt frustrated about this, but was surprised to feel himself being pulled up. Turned around and have the back of his helm and neck be gently placed on something warm.

He looked up… into blue eyes. Shining in the same blue light as his spark brother did.

Suddenly, all pain disappeared. All discomfort, all the shards lying inside of him. His spark started to pulse again, colour started to shine.

Blue eyes, grey face, blue helm… a blue and red chest.

Optimus tried to reach for it, but couldn’t get his arm and hand to move. But he didn’t need to – His hand was lifted, by a white hand attached to a blue arm, and placed on that chest.

Confusion. Curiosity. …Happiness.

Optimus felt all that through the pulses of the spark inside the mech who held him close. Who gave him warmth. Those pulses went straight to his own spark, through his entire frame like a lightning. Brightening the world around him.

His brother… his spark brother. That was his spark brother…!

Optimus felt his eyes warm up, prickle, and tears flowing down his face. Everything felt warm, too much, Optimus felt the need to move, to embrace his brother, but his frame was too damaged to move…! All he could do was cry, stare and feel.

“…I’m sorry.” His brother spoke, clear and loud. “…I feel like I know you… but I can’t remember…”

His brother had tears in his eyes too. He felt it, felt Optimus, but his entire existence as nothing but a spark was lost on him. And yet. Here he was, holding Optimus in his hands after saving his life. He might not remember, but he knew that Optimus was important to him.

“I- I’m Optimus.” He managed to get the words out just so. “Your brother.” His brother’s tears flowed, his spark sending mixed signals of utter happiness and utter confusion. “Tell me…. Who are you?”

“Ultra Magnus.”

“Ultra Magnus… I am glad… to finally meet you.”

Optimus’ vision started to fade, his strength leaving him. Ultra Magnus reacted with short panic, pulling him even closer and touching his face. “Optimus! Brother… Please, stay awake!”

Optimus tried to, but his exhaustion was too much, for now. He’d need to sleep, let his frame heal. Does Ultra Magnus understand?

“I’ll be fine, Ultra Magnus. …I finally have you by my side. …I can sleep peacefully now.”

What more did this cold and painful world had to offer?

Optimus didn’t know. But at least, he wouldn’t go though it alone.