Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

kaz added Heart-Tr3nder, wifewithaknife, Matthias, Wylan Van-Egg, and jesjes to crows

crows:

kaz: is that everyone?

Heart-Tr3nder: yeppp

jesjes: soooo
jesjes: the dreaded kaz Brekker decided to made a group chats bccc

kaz: for business.

wifewithaknife: ah hah. sure

Heart-Tr3nder: ah yes. business

jesjes: suuuure

kaz: yes, for business. if i have things i need to share with u, it's easier to do this than actually have to call a meeting or do it individually or via email
kaz: happy now?

jesjes: very much so, thank you kazzie

kaz: i hate you.

Matthias: Wait, how does this work? Do we just message?

Heart-Tr3nder: yes mattie, thats how messaging ppl works. u type and they reply :)

Matthias: Did you just do a smiley face at me?

Heart-Tr3nder: yes :)

Matthias: It feels like a threat now.

jesjes: excuse me yall k am officislkt having a hesryattack
jesjes: this dinavsbc birds flew by an game me a heartattack cuz it scared me chsncjdjskd
jesjes: so neck I can't type cproeprly someone jelps

Wylan Van-Egg: Can someone please translate for the text to speech?

kaz: gladly,
kaz: a bird flew by jesper an he's a coward.

jesjes: it isn't funny kazzie :(

Matthias: I think it's very funny!

jesjes: sad boi hours :(

jesjes: are y'all happy now that I'm sad

Heart-Tr3nder: yes

kaz: yes.

Matthias: Maybe.

wifewithaknife: no

jesjes: thx inej by beloved

wifewithaknife: you're very welcome jesjes

kaz: i would like to inform you that this is not the use of the group chat. it is for business purposes not spam or sad boy hours.

Heart-Tr3nder: oh boo hoo kazzie

Wylan Van-Egg: Nina, the text to speech hates your name.
Wylan Van-Egg: It says it Heart T R 3 Reender

Heart-Tr3nder: oh shit
Heart-Tr3nder: do u want me to change it????

Wylan Van-Egg: Nah, it's funny.
Wylan Van-Egg: It also hates Inej’s so…

wifewithaknife: I am trying not to start a personal grudge with your ext to speech buttt
wifewithaknife: how does it say my name? Inej.

Wylan Van-Egg: In-edge

wifewithaknife: that's it I'm throwing hands with your text to speech
wifewithaknife: I'm meeting it the McDonald's parking lot this evening it's going down boyyyys

Heart-Tr3nder: can I acomoany you to the McDonald's parking lot to throw hands with Wylan’s text to speech

wifewithaknife: absolutely my darling Nina denim

Heart-Tr3nder: denim?

wifewithaknife: auto correct I wanted to say zenik

Heart-Tr3nder: ahhhh zenik yes that makes more sense

Wylan Van-Egg: No, you may not throw hands with Allison.

wifewithaknife: it has a name

Heart-Tr3nder: oh well now it's personal
Heart-Tr3nder: we are defiantly throwing hands with Allison

wifewithaknife: it is on, so save the date everyone.

kaz: can i remind everyone that this is not the purpose of this chat? im trying to get work done but i cant bc ur blowing up my phone and its driving me crazy.

wifewithaknife: we're sorry kaz

Heart-Tr3nder: no were not

Wylan Van-Egg: Not particularly sorry.

jesjes: not sorry at all

Matthias: Not a tiny bit sorry! :)

kaz has left crows

wifewithaknife has added kaz to crows

wifewithaknife: well, I'm sorry even if the other's areng

Heart-Tr3nder: kazoo, u do realise that you can just mute us, right??

kaz: ik.

kaz has left crows

wifewithaknife has added kaz to crows

kaz has left crows

Heart-Tr3nder: let it be Inej. hes just being petty

jesjes: as usual

Heart-Trender: exactly

wifewithaknife: ik ik, but still
wifewithaknife: he's been off recently

Matthias: Don't worry. I am sure he's fine! :)

Heart-Tr3nder: dont steal the smiley face from mee mattie :(((

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Wylan Van-Egg:

Wylan Van-Egg: I know what you mean
Wylan Van-Egg: About Kaz, I mean

wifewithaknife: wait you do? So it isn't just me?

Wylan Van-Egg: Nope.
Wylan Van-Egg: He’s been like, grumpy sad instead of just grumpy.

wifewithaknife: exactly. do u think I should add him back to the chat already?

Wylan Van-Egg: Maybe give him some time? I mean, I'll message him, but I don't know if he’ll respond truthfully. You might have a better chance at that

wifewithaknife: there's nothing between us.

Wylan Van-Egg: I'm not trying to imply there is, I promise. Kaz just trusts you more than he does me

wifewithaknife: right yeah
wifewithaknife: srry

Wylan Van-Egg: Don't apologise, it's all good!

wifewithaknife: we still on for dinner at the diner?
wifewithaknife: i mean ik Kaz won't be coming but we can still hang out the five of us

Wylan Van-Egg: Absolutely. I'll see you there

wifewithaknife: cya there wy <3

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Wylan Van-Egg and kaz:

Wylan Van-Egg: So, I'm guessing you're not coming to dinner.

kaz: correct.

Wylan Van-Egg: Are you mad at me or everyone else? Or are you even mad?

kaz: no! of course im not mad at everyone for fucking never taking anything seriously. of course im not fucking mad about that, i left the chat multiple times for other fucking reasons!

Wylan Van-Egg: It's slightly funny to hear Allison say what is blatant sarcasm.
Wylan Van-Egg: Kaz?
Wylan Van-Egg: Are you really ghosting me?
Wylan Van-Egg: I know I sort of deserve this, but Kaz, I'm here if you need to talk.
Wylan Van-Egg: I'll see you around.

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and kaz:

wifewithaknife: kaz, wylan says that you're ghosting him.
wifewithaknife: kaz, ik you're not busy so reply pls

kaz: fine. hey.
kaz: how do u know im free?

wifewithaknife: bc ur usually at dinner with us and you always make time for dinner and ur not here tonight, idiot

kaz: j could've done without the insult.
kaz: ur right though.

wifewithaknife: rit srry

kaz: np

wifewithaknife: so what's gotten you so upset recently??

kaz: cant a man just be grumpy like usual?

wifewithaknife: well, yeah, but ur grumpy usually not upset. also kaz ur in high school ur not a man yet

kaz: fine.
kaz: i made the chat bc i had some big business news to share and i was sort of excited but then it fell through and at the same time u guys were joking around on the chat and it was just too much.
kaz: happy now?

wifewithaknife: kaz…
wifewithaknife: they didn't mean to

kaz: ik, still kinda sucks.

wifewithaknife: ik it does. Im srry the business thing fell through <3
wifewithaknife: i think u should message wylan back. he does feel bad. like, staring at his waffles sadly bad

kaz: i will.
kaz: tomorrow, though. when im a bit calmer ig.

wifewithaknife: good idea. do u want me to add you back to the group chat?

kaz: after i apologize to eylan.

wifewithaknife: kk :)

kaz: inej,
kaz: thx.

wifewithaknife: ur welcome <3

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and jesjes:

jesjes: ineh my beloved ahy r u starin at me over ur waffles should I be scared

wifewithaknife: yes
wifewithaknife: on a serious note ur need to message kaz

jesjes: but why
jesjes: i mean ikik heleft the amazing roup chat but like he's fine. usual kazzie kazzoo kazzle dazzle shit

wifewithaknife: eh, hds stressed out
wifewithaknife: an ik u didn't mean to but u defiantly didn't help ether so

jesjes: what should I say tohim?????

wifewithaknife: yk how ppl say to be urself
wifewithaknife: dont do that

jesjes: rudeeee

wifewithaknife: hha jkjk do be urself

jesjes: so impress kaz with my radiant personality

wifewithaknife: yeah sure

Private Chat: jesjes and kaz:

jesjes: lol hey kazzie kazzoo kazzle dazzle love of my life my beloved my sunshine the light of my day the Apple of my eye darling <333
jesjes: i have a photos for u

jesjes sent 22 photos:

kaz: I hate u

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and kaz:

kaz: what did you do?

wifewithaknife: wdym

kaz: tell me why I just got 22 goat photos from jesper

wifewithaknife: shit
wifewithaknife: I told him. To talk to u and be himself

kaz: half the goats have flower crowns.
kaz: on second thought, don't add me back to the group chat if this is what jesper does I'm his free time

wifewithaknife: it's not that bad on the group chat

crows:

jesjes: ALL HAIL THE GOAT GOD

Heart-Tr3nder: ALL HAIL THE GOAT GOD

Wylan Van-Egg: ALL HAIL THE GOAT GOD

Matthias: Even I cannot refuse the oh great goat God!
Matthias: But if we're all at the diner together now, why are we messaging?

Heart-Tr3nder: bc inej and jesper started messaging each other and then jesjes sent goat photos soooo

Wylan Van-Egg: The people next to us are looking at me like I'm crazy because I'm holding my phone up to my ear to hear Allison

Heart-Tr3nder: lmaooo

Matthias: What does ‘lmaooo’ mean?

Heart-Tr3nder: laughing my ass off

Matthias: Then what about the extra two ‘o’s?

Heart-Tr3nder: they make add spice

Matthias: oh okay!
Matthias: lmaooo!

jesjes: someone take his phone away

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Wylan Van-Egg and kaz:

kaz: hey wylan, just want to apologise for snapping last night.
kaz: it was just shitty and i felt shirry but I shouldn't have taken it out on you so,
kaz: *shitty and im sorry

Wylan Van-Egg: It's alright. I knew you were upset over something else, not me.

kaz: still. i shouldn't have been rude to you.

Wylan Van-Egg: Thanks, Kaz. It means a lot.

kaz: np

crows:

wifewithaknife has added kaz to crows

wifewithaknife: so everyone plays nice kk

jesjes: hey kazzie kazzoo kazzle dazzle love of my life my beloved my sunshine the light of my day the Apple of my eye darling <333 how r u on this fine day

kaz: i still haven't forgiven u for the goat pics.

jesjes: ikik but tehhrr very cute so be nice kamhhyy

Heart-Tr3nder: jesjes u type like you type with ur eyes closed

jesjes: bold of u to assume i don't so hah

Wylan Van-Egg: Jesper, babe, I'm pretty sure you're Allison’s worst nightmare.

wifewithaknife: speaking of Allison…

Heart-Tr3nder: oh no

Wylan Van-Egg: Oh no

jesjes: oh nooo

kaz: oh no.

Matthias: Oh no!

wifewithaknife: I'm still throwing hands at her im srry
wifewithaknife: McDonald's parking lot today ill be there

Heart-Tr3nder: well obvs ill be there as ur right hand woman lmaooo

wifewithaknife: well obvs lamooo

Wylan Van-Egg: I'm guessing I need to be there as well? To bring Allison?
Wylan Van-Egg: Also, please do not kill Allison. I sort of need her.

wifewithaknife: nah nah I won't kill her just beat her up so she knows her place lolll

Wylan Van-Egg: Go easy on her, okay?

wifewithaknife: fineeee
wifewithaknife: <33

Wylan Van-Egg: I love you too, Inej

jesjes: >:0

Wylan Van-Egg: I love you also, Jesper

jesjes: :)
jesjes: >:)

wifewithaknife: oh no

Heart-Tr3nder: soooo mattie u coming toooo <33

Matthias: I still don't see how Inej is supposed to fight a text-to-speech?
Matthias: It doesn't make sense.

Heart-Tr3nder: shhh darling let her have her moment!!!

wifewithaknife: kazz do u wanna come fight Allison with me??

kaz: sure.

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and kaz:

wifewithaknife: u okay?

kaz: oh.
kaz: yeah yeah all good.
kaz: bit tired but eh.

wifewithaknife: so ur down to help me throw hands at Allison??

kaz: absolutely.
kaz: ill see u there.

wifewithaknife: ofcofc :)
wifewithaknife: cya there love

Private Chat: kaz and jesjes:

kaz sent 1 screenshot:

jesjes: holyyyy shit

kaz: thats not how ur supposed to react.

jesjes: ‘love’????
jesjes: did I gone ur whipped

kaz: what?
kaz: no.
kaz: but love?

jesjes: how does that amen ur feelll

kaz: this isnt therapy jesper.

jesjes: still still
jesjes: did u dislike it????

kaz: thats it im not talking to u.

Sexy Kanej shippers United:

jesjes: guysgutsguysguysguys
jesjes: lmaooo I have news

Heart-Tr3nder: oooh yes pls share jesjes

jesjes sent 2 screenshots:

Heart-Tr3nder: holy shit
Heart-Tr3nder: love?

jesjes: tags what O said lmaooo!!!

Matthias: Inej calls everyone pet names though. Like, she calls me Tulip sometimes? :)

Heart-Tr3nder: yeahhh bc u r a boarding tulip
Heart-Tr3nder: *brooding but she doesn't call kaz pet names!!!

jesjes: that we know of…

Heart-Tr3nder: that we know of ;)
Heart-Tr3nder: but given his reCtion I think we can assume this doesn't happen often
Heart-Tr3nder: i mean he basically freaked out sooo

Matthias: What is Kanej?

Heart-Tr3nder: oh you innocent brooding tulip ilysm
Heart-Tr3nder: ill tell u later rn I have to be inejs right hand woman lolll.

crows:

wifewithaknife: so im at mcdonalds now r u dudes coming or what???

Wylan Van-Egg: On my way now, Inej

jesjes: omw one lme :)))

wifewithaknife: Nina i seeee yoyuy and Mattie :))

wifewithaknife sent 1 photo:

Heart-Tr3nder: ur right that is me and Mattie
Heart-Tr3nder: Heyy bestie I seee u tooo

Matthias: Hello, Inej! :)

kaz: ill be there soon. the bus is late.

Wylan Van-Egg: I’m also taking the bus, so I’ll probably arrive with Kaz. Once the bus finally gets here.

jesjes: im here bishessss :))) i see uuu

Heart_Tr3nder: lmaoo jesjes i see u too
Heart-Tr3nder: im waving bitch cant u see me?

jesjes: i dont see u bitch

wifewithaknife: jesper u idiot turn around

jesjes: oh lmao hii
jesjes: i was looking the wrong wayyy

Heart-Tr3nder: idiot

wifewithaknife: our idiot <3

jesjes: awww love u too nejy

Wylan Van-Egg: The bus just got here. Give us ten minutes or so and then the fight can begin!

Matthias: Here. I see all of you!
Matthias: Jesper, why are you trying to do a cartwheel?

jesjes: shhh don’t question genius mattie mthe typlip

Heart-Tr3nder: HVJXVAJKVEWU
Heart-Tr3nder: mattie give me ur phone now no questions asked…

Matthias changed their name to Typlip

Heart-Tr3nder: >:)

Typlip: I hate you.

kaz: hate to ruin the romantic moment but were here.

wifewithaknife: yayyyy time to fight Allison
wifewithaknife: i throw the first punch

Heart-Tr3nder: wywy bby this is where you act out what allison does lmao <33

Wylan Van-Egg: Fine
Wylan Van-Egg: Allison ducks

wifewithaknife: i kick allison

Wylan Van-Egg: Allison lies down on the ground of the McDonald’s parking lot and accepts her fate to die at the hands of the wonderful Inej Ghafa.

wifewithaknife: wait but now i feel bad :(

Wylan Van-Egg: :)

wifewithaknife: i help allison get off the ground and establish a mutual bond between us in which no one gets hurt. i am then hungry and ask the most wonderful person here to please buy me some chicken nuggets because i am tired and hungry after fighting allison- my new bestie
wifewithaknife: …
wifewithaknife: this wonderful person knows who he is bc he is the only one here with money pls buy me chicken nuggets oh great wonderful god

kaz: why is everyone looking at me?
kaz: oh.
kaz: fuck.

jesjes: kaz pls buy us cihicken nuggets!!!

Heart-Tr3nder: bestieee pls :((((

kaz: fine. a bunch of chicken nuggets and french fries. anything else?

Typlip: A coke, please!

wifewithaknife: has anyone seen wylan or jesper

Heart-Tr3nder: not since u finished the fight with allison lmaoo
Heart-Tr3nder: but seriously where r they?

Typlip: I found them.

wifewithaknife: an?

Typlip: I refuse to speak of what I saw.

wifewithaknife: ?
wifewithaknife: oH
wifewithaknife: OH NO

Heart-Tr3nder: HJXKI NOT IN THE MCDONALD@S ARKING LOT THE IDIOTS

kaz: that seems very unsanitary.

Heart-Tr3nder: HIB KQEHBBHKWKHJQCBEHKBI”EJBJ I CANTTTT

kaz: wylan benedict van eck and jesper llewellyn fahey stop making out in the mcdonald’s parking lot.

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and kaz:

wifewithaknife: not u pulling out the full names lmaooo

kaz: well, they do need to stop. this entire place is lined with windows and im slightly scared the customers are going to see.
kaz: customers including me, i don’t want to see that.

wifewithaknife: yepyepyep
wifewithaknife: thx for getting us food kaz <3

kaz: its no problem, really.
kaz: i dont mind :)

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Heart-Tr3nder:

wifewithaknife: JKGXYU”G!YGKXQ
wifewithaknife: nina darling i have a problem!!!

Chapter Text

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Heart-Tr3nder:

Heart-Tr3nder: a problem? is it allison again?

wifewithaknife: ninnaaaaa this is serious i genuinely need help

Heart-Tr3nder: oh shit
Heart-Tr3nder: well go ahead im all ears bby <333

wifewithaknife: oh saints this is hard
wifewithaknife: ninaaaa i think i like kaz
wifewithaknife: like like

Heart-Tr3nder: HOLY SHIT

wifewithaknife: nina!

Heart-Tr3nder: sorry but holyyyy shit
Heart-Tr3nder: u sure u like him>

wifewithaknife: yeahh pretty sure
wifewithaknife: i mean ive sorta known for a bit like vaguely known but now i know know and im basically freaking out and holy shit

Heart-Tr3nder: bby u look like ur abt to hyperventilate take some deep breaths for me, love <3
Heart-Tr3nder: bby even mattie the tulips noticed that u aint looking so great
Heart-Tr3nder: deep breaths hun

wifewithaknife: im okay. alls good
wifewithaknife: im screwed. im freaking out over the fact that i like kaz brekker of all ppl and hes inside buying me chicken nuggets
wifewithaknife: can this get any worse?

Heart-Tr3nder: dont look back but hes coming out of mcdonalds now :)

wifewithaknife: shit

crows:

Typlip: Thank you for the coke, Kaz! :)

kaz: np.

jesjes: u got chicken nuggets?

kaz: yes. did u not read the messages up above?

jesjes: nope, i was busy doing something lmaoo

Heart-Tr3nder: JXBQICHUQ
Heart-Tr3nder: is that somethn a certain Wylan Benedict Van Eck?? >:)))

jesjes: what?
jesjes: fuck
jesjes: oH FUCK

Wylan Van-Egg: What’s going on?
Wylan Van-Egg: Fuck!
Wylan Van-Egg: Matthias, I am so sorry.

Heart-Tr3nder: JGCIQGCUI IM QUAKING RIGHT NOW COMEDY GOLDDDD

kaz: jesper llewellyn fahey we need to have a conversation.

Heart-Tr3nder: oh shit

wifewithaknife: oh shit

Wylan Van-Egg: Oh shit.

Matthias: Oh sh*t! :(

jesjes: shitshitshit

Private Chat: jesjes and kaz:

jesjes: im very sowwy daddy :((

kaz: im going to pretend i didnt see that.
kaz: jesper u idiot.
kaz: im no one to comment on your sex life but,

jesjes: yeh bc im older than u

kaz: but the mcdonalds parking lot is just absolute idiocy.
kaz: not only can ppl see you, like poor matthias, but its unsanitary and unclean.

jesjes: kaz, relax, all good. No need to go all dad mood on mee lmaoo
jesjes: but seriously, its all good we didnt even have sec
Jesjes: *sex

kaz: just never in a mcdonalds again.
kaz: if you need to, at least do it at chik fil a.

jesjes: good plan. Have sex at the homophobic restaraunt. I like ur thinking kaz brekkerr

kaz: thx.

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Heart-Tr3nder:

wifewithaknife: nina do u think i should tell him/

Heart-Tr3nder: absolutely darling
Heart-Tr3nder: and i mean it. that boy is whipped for you, as he should be. he absolutely likes you back <33

wifewithaknife: r u doing this to further ur kanej agenda

Heart-Tr3nder: whAT

wifewithaknife: bitch i know u and the other crows have a shipping chat just for kanej, me and kaz. Dont try to deny it :(

Heart-Tr3nder: how do u know that

wifewithaknife: nina hun i know everything
wifewithaknife: also jesper is bad at keeping secrets
wifewithaknife: the chat is called Sexy kanej shippers United

Heart-Tr3nder: fuck sorry

wifewithaknife: dont be sorry, its sort of funny
wifewithaknife: nina?

Heart_Tr3nder: yeah bby?

wifewithaknife: do u think he likes me?

Heart-Tr3nder: absolutely
Heart-Tr3nder: I promise, he likes you.

wifewithaknife: alright imma do it
wifewithaknife: nothing to lose bitch!

Heart-Tr3nder: thats the spirit bb!

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and kaz:

wifewithaknife: hey kaz i need to talk to u abt somenth

kaz: oh?
kaz: yeah, sure, i actually need to talk to you 2.

wifewithaknife: wait really

kaz: yeah.

wifewithaknife: well, here goes nothing
wifewithaknife: kaz, you mean a lot to me. i trust you, somehow, and u make me feel safe. being with you feels like being home, and for some reason it feels like it was always you. you mean alot to me and i wouldnt have it any other way :)

kaz: …

wifewithaknife: kaz? u there?
wifewithaknife: shit im so sorry i shouldnt have said that shit

kaz: no, its fine.
kaz: i was just going to say that i have a new job for you. not… that.

wifewithaknife: oh sorry

kaz: its fine inej, honestly.
kaz: do u accept the job offer?
kaz: inej?
kaz: hey?
kaz: u there?
kaz: inej?
Kaz: inej… fuck

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Heart-Tr3nder:

Heart-Tr3nder: Inej my darling love of mu life, how did it go?
Heart_Tr3nder: inej?
Heart-Tr3nder: darling, u okay?
Heart-Tr3nder: thats it im killing brekker

wifewithaknife: dont

Heart-Tr3nder: inej honey

wifewithaknife: dont make it a big deal
wifewithaknife: please nina

Heart-Tr3nder: i wont
Heart-Tr3nder: im sorry bb <33

wifewithaknife: thx.

Private Chat: Wylan Van-Egg and jesjes:

jesjes: heyy bestie
jesjes: hi sisters!
Jesjes: wy godammit give me love an affecytion

Wylan Van-Egg: Hello

jesjes: so kazzie kazoo kazzle dazzle love of my life darling apple of my eye gave me his keys for the day cyz hes offf brooding soo i get the keys to his house lamoo

Wylan Van-Egg: I’m going to pretend I understood a word of that

jesjes: rude >:P
jesjes: tldr: i have kaz’s keys to his apartment
jesjes: and ik u have flourr and baking supplies

Wylan Van-Egg: And your suggestion is?

jesjes: we’re making cookies at kaz’s house get in looser

Wylan Van-Egg: Rude >:P

jesjes: bb its cuter when i do it lmaoooo
jesjes: anuway are u in or not

Wylan Van-Egg: Sure, why not?
Wylan Van-Egg: What’s the worst that can happen?

Phone call between: Jesper Fahey and 911

(Jesper) “911? Hello?”

(Operator) “You’ve reached an emergency operator. How may I help you?”

(Jesper) “Oh thank god! I need a firetruck. The apartment I’m in is on fire. It isn’t my apartment, my friend, but he let me use it.”

(Operator) “Alright, are you out of the building? Is anyone else inside?”

(Jesper) “Me and my friend are out, he was also in the apartment with me, and the fire alarm has gone off, so people know, but I’m not sure if everyone is out yet.”

(Operator) “Thank you, and what floor is the fire on?”

(Jesper) “Top floor, tenth. It started in the kitchen.”

(Operator) “What were you doing when the fire started?”

(Jesper) “Trying to bake. The oven caught on fire because we forgot about it when we went on a walk.”

(Operator) “Thank you, sir, and the address of the building.”

(Jesper) “East Stave, 13th Street, Number 13. Yes, my friend has horrible taste in where to live. He was basically asking for it at this point.”

(Operator) “A firetruck is being dispatched now. Thank you for your cooperation.”

Private Chat: kaz and jesjes:

jesjes: kaz, im so sorry but i ae some news
jesjes: yknow how u gave me ur house keys while u went to bored
Jesjes: well that was amistake lmaoooo

Chapter Text

crows:

kaz: i need some urgent help.

Typlip: Sure! What’s up?

kaz: i need someone to fucking beat jesper up for me.
kaz: like urgently or im certain ill strangle him to death.

Typlip: WOAH! That’s extreme! What happened?

kaz: little fucker burned down my fucking apartment, thats what happened.
kaz: i give him the keys for one fucking day bc i trust him and this fucking happens.

Heart-Tr3nder: wHAT HAPPENED!
Heart-Tr3nder: i decide to spend one day relaxing with my bf and jesper burns an apartment building!!!
Heart-Tr3nder: i wish i was there to watch it!!!

kaz: nina.

Heart-Tr3nder: right, too soon. srry kaz! :(

jesjes: it was and accident! We wwre baking cookies then waent for a walk bc we wante to go dor a walk and then the apartment burned down soo

kaz: i fucking hate you.
kaz: all of you.

wifewithaknife: kaz stop lashing out
wifewithaknife: go ahead, be angry at jesper, but if youre going to be rude to the rest of us, leave the chat until you fucking calm down.

jesjes: for what ist worth i am sorry kaz. I ient mqn ro4 thi to happen, it was a addident
jesjes: *didnt meant for this to happen, *accident
jesjes: kaz?

wifewithaknife: leave it jesper

Private Chat: Wylan Van-Egg and kaz:

Wylan Van-Egg: Kaz, are you okay?
Wylan Van-Egg: It was an accident. The cookies slipped my mind when we went for a walk. I never meant for this to happen.

kaz: ik that.
kaz: this is just the last fucking straw. my whole week has been shitty. the buisness deal fell through, everyone fucking hates me, ive felt like shit the whole time, ive ruined the one good thing going for me right after something fucking good happened, this whole week keeps reminding of shit in the past, and now my apartments burned down and i have no place to stay. i am this fucking close to it.

Wylan Van-Egg: Kaz, close to what?
Wylan Van-Egg: Kaz Brekker, close to what?

kaz: dont worry about it.

Wylan Van-Egg: Kaz, should I be concerned?

kaz: no.
kaz: do urself a favour and dont worry abt me.

Wylan Van-Egg: That’s it. I’m coming over. Kaz, if you’re being serious now…

kaz: dont.
kaz: im not going to do anything rash
kaz: i promise.

Wylan Van-Egg: Okay.
Wylan Van-Egg: If you need talk, I’m always here to listen.

kaz: ik.
kaz: thx, wy.

Wylan Van-Egg: Any time.

Private Chat: Jordie and kaz:

Jordie: Hey Kaz. I know it's this week so I just wanted to check up on you.
Jordie: Kaz?
Jordie: Kaz please answer my message, thank you very much.
Jordie: You stubborn asshole answer me.

kaz: hey.

Jordie: So? How are you?

kaz: my apartment burned down, which I think is an apt way to describe my week.

Jordie: I'm. Sorry, what?

kaz: i wasn't in it at the time, it was a friend. still, i don't have anywhere to stay.

Jordie: You know you can always come back home, right?

kaz: thx.
kaz: ill figure something out.

Jordie: Alright, cya!

kaz: cya.

Private Chat: Wylan Van-Egg and jesjes:

jesjes: bestieee is kaz rlly mad at me

Wylan Van-Egg: He's also stressed, not my story to tell, and a bit mad and I think all of that combined is just a lot.

jesjes: ohhh okaiije
jesjes: saitt did he feel u all his emotional baggage

Wylan Van-Egg: Not really. It was all this long vague paragraph in which he swore a lot.
Wylan Van-Egg: I am worried about him though.

jesjes: oh?

Wylan Van-Egg: He said it was nothing but I don't know.

jesjes: it's kazzie I ybonk hell be okayy
jesjes: hell be okayy

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and kaz:

wifewithaknife: hey kaz

kaz: oh.
kaz: hey?

wifewithaknife: sorry abt earlier lmao
wifewithaknife: i kinda sprang that on you. ill gladly accept the job offer

kaz: oh, okay.
kaz: ill message you the details soon.
kaz: but also no need to apologise

wifewithaknife: i think it's better if we ignored that happened lol

kaz: sure.

wifewithaknife: jes is rlly sorry abt what happened

kaz: ikik.
kaz: still sucks.

wifewithaknife: ik
wifewithaknife: do u have any where else to stay

kaz: my brother said i could stay with him,
kaz: but it's complicated,
kaz: so not rlly, no.

wifewithaknife: i have and extra room in my apartment

kaz: inej i don't want to intrude

wifewithaknife: u won't be. honestly. it's the best solution

kaz: kk.
kaz: u sure abt this?

wifewithaknife: absolutely
wifewithaknife: so, you'll be staying at my place

kaz: until this new job opportunity takes off and im back on my feet, yes.

wifewithaknife: awesome then :)

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Heart-Tr3nder:

wifewithaknife: ninnna i have another problem

Heart-Tr3nder: does it include murdering kaz Brekker :)

wifewithaknife: absolutely not
wifewithaknife: ive just invited him to share a house with me

Heart-Tr3nder: IM SORRY WHAT LIKE UR APARTMENT WHAT?

wifewithaknife: i mean he needed somewhere to stay and i have a guest bedroom so it makes sense

Heart-Tr3nder: bby girl this is the same kazzie Kazzo kazzle dazzle that rejected u <3

wifewithaknife: and we made a mutual agreement to forget it ever happened
wifewithaknife: all is well neens

Heart-Tr3nder: kk
Heart-Tr3nder: i just worry abt u babes

wifewithaknife: ik and ily for that

Heart-Tr3nder: ily2 darling

Private Chat: jesjes and kaz:

kaz: jesper help.

jesjes: and to think I thought I'd never hear j say that

kaz: fuck you.

jesjes: sweet <3
jesjes: what do u need help with my beloved kazzle dazzle

kaz: i am moving in with inej.

jesjes: CJDKSKFJVJKD MY KANEJ HEART IS SCREAMING RN HOLD ONNN

kaz: what? kanej? what's that?

jesjes: nothing!
jesjes: so Joe did that happen lmaoo

kaz: idk she offered and i accepted?
kaz: im in shock

jesjes: oof my dude
jesjes: this rough

kaz: and this is the last time i ever ask u for advice.

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and jesjes:

wifewithaknife: JESPER LLEWELLYN FAHEY WHY THE FUCK IS KAZ MESSAGING ME TO ASK WHAT KANEJ IS WHAT DID U DO?

jesjes: oops?

Chapter Text

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and kaz:

wifewithaknife: shit
wifewithaknife: srry just realised theres no furniture in the guess room!

kaz: oh oops.
kaz: i mean I don't have any shit either so,

wifewithaknife: well have to but some new shit then

kaz: u don't need need to do that for me.

wifewithaknife: kaz, u need shit to sleep on. honestly, we’ll just get a bed and a small chest of drawers so u have somewhere to put what stuff u have left

kaz: some clothes and other stuff, more personal, in other places.
kaz: luckily i don't use the apartment that much, just for sleeping and storing meaningless stuff. nothing important is gone. all work and any memorabilia is tucked away safely somewhere with more safety or somewhere no one knows about but none of those places have space for sleeping or running water so nowhere else to stay, if u endertsnad.
kaz: ik u didn't ask but yeah.

wifewithaknife: no no no im glad u haven't lost too much lmao
wifewithaknife: so im guessing were going to inkea now so wanna invite the kids?

kaz: sure.

crows:

kaz: were going to ikea for shit. who wants to come?

Typlip: Why do you need to go to IKEA?
Typlip: Also, Nina, please show me how to change my name back! :(

Heart-Tr3nder: ill shoe u later bb <3 for now it's funny asf
Heart-Tr3nder: also i am always ready for a trip to IKEA so sign me up babes

jesjes: immc oming tooooo

Wylan Van-Egg: I'm guessing I have to be there to babysit Jesper?

jesjes: u guessed correctly bpo <3

Wylan Van-Egg: Fine. When are you guys going?

wifewithaknife: later today probably
wifewithaknife: ill drive everyone in the van. it's like 40 minutes by cat anyway and u need to take like three buses. yall are coming in the van
wifewithaknife: no arguing on this. ill come pick y’all up

Typlip: You know where my apartment is, right? If not I can send you the address! :)

wifewithaknife: ik where ur apartment is matty <3 n ik where all of u bbs live

Wylan Van-Egg: Because that’s not worrying.

wifewithaknife: kaz ur staying with jesper rn right?

kaz: just until i can move into ur place.

Typlip: What?
Typlip: Am I the only one to not know about this?

Wylan Van-Egg: I think so. Jesper told me.

jesjes: and kaz told me

Heart-Tr3nder: an nej my beloved told me

kaz: its just until i can get a new apartment.
kaz: which should be soon if all goes well.

wifewithaknife: jes and wy im at ur place rn

jesjes: i see uuu nelly im coming oit noww

wifewithaknife: kk mattie we might be a few minutes later to ur apartment bc theres traffic

Typlip: Where is everyone sat already?

Heart-Tr3nder: inej driving and kaz in the passenger seat obvs, wy and jesjes in the middle row, and then u and me in the back ;)

kaz: nina stop with the tomfoolery in my van. - inej
kaz: for ur info, she is making me write that bc she is driving and doesn't have a deathwish.

wifewithaknife: kk we’re here now mattie :)

Typlip: I see you! :) And thanks again for picking us again!

wifewithaknife: np, i like to do things for my friends :)

Heart-Tr3nder: awww ilysm

Typlip changed their name to Matthias

Matthias: Yay!

Heart-Tr3nder: aww boring bb

Wylan Van-Egg: Guys, we are literally all in the same vehicle and yet we’re texting each other?

Heart-Tr3nder: wait shit ur right lmaoo

Actually Responsible Not Yet Adults:

wifewithaknife: should we have established a meeting place before we split up?
wifewithaknife: i mean jes just ran off immediately, dont know where he is, and wy tried to follow him. nina and mattie r looking at stuff idk and me and kaz are looking at beds

Matthias: Actually, we’re looking at couches. Mine broke recently. No sign of Jesper or Wylan.

wifewithaknife: and they both left their phones in the car idiots

Matthias: Jesper forgot his, I know, and Wylan didn’t bring his phone because he forgot his headphones and doesn't want to make a scene by using text-to-speech outloud in public. So we’re all screwed.

kaz: i see jesper.
kaz: wait thats and employee sorry.
kaz: fuck sorry. shit. i think we lost them shit.

Matthias: Kaz? You good?
Matthias: Kaz? Inej? You still there?
Matthias: Fuck! :(

wifewithaknife: is this the first time ive heard you swear :)

Matthias: Inej!
Matthias: Is everything okay?

wifewithaknife: yeahh all okay. kaz just needs some fresh air, i think. he went to calm down a bit.

Matthias: Okay! :)
Matthias: So, has he found anything yet?

wifewithaknife: we found a good bed quickly, and it fits the room nearly perfectly, but finding drawers are harder. no good ones yet, sadly :(
wifewithaknife: u find anything yet <3

Matthias: Not yet.
Matthias: Inej? Hey?
Matthias: Are you there?
Matthias: Inej?

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Heart-Tr3nder:

Heart-Tr3nder: bb whats going on mattie is worried abt you?

wifewithaknife: nina please
wifewithaknife: theres a guy who keeps talking to me and he wont stop. Ive told him to go away but he keeps watching me help

Heart-Tr3nder: take deep breaths, im coming now <33 ur by the beds, yeah?

wifewithaknife: yeah and idk where kaz is

Heart_Tr3nder: thats okay we can look for him later once ur calmer
Heart-Tr3nder: im coming as quick as i can

wifewithaknife: ik and thx <3
wifewithaknife: i see you now

Private Chat: Heart-Tr3nder and Matthias:

Matthias: Honey, where are you?

Heart-Tr3nder: uhh by the beds?

Matthias: So am I… :(

Heart-Tr3nder: no the ones closer to the exit

Matthias: Which way is the exit?

Heart-Tr3nder: bb follow the arrows <3

Matthias: I can’t see any arrows!
Matthias: I think I might be lost…

Heart-Tr3nder: yeahhh this is a problem. Me and nejy are looking for kaz and wy and jesper, and now u too ig
Heart-Tr3nder: have u at least found a sofa yet?

Matthias: Actually, yes!

Matthias sent 1 photo:

Heart-Tr3nder: thats cute!

Matthias: Thank you! :))

Heart-Tr3nder: i cant believe we’re all lost
Heart-Tr3nder: well, me and nejy know exactly where we r its everyone welse ho is wrong sooo

Matthias: Am I the only one one genuinely concerned as to how we are to regroup?

Heart_Tr3nder: yeahh well figure it out somehowww we’re smart enough right?

Matthias: …
Matthias: Changing the subject, :)

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and kaz:

kaz: i found jesper.

wifewithaknife: oh really!

kaz: yes, hes eating ice cream by the exit. wylans here too.

wifewithaknife: oh thats good :)

kaz: yeah, sorry i disappeared off like that.

wifewithaknife: hey, its all okay. no worries
wifewithaknife: so we’ll meet you by the exit.
wifewithaknife: nina says hi btw!

kaz: no she does not.

wifewithaknife: ur right… fine, nina says to go fuck yourself

kaz: how sweet.
kaz: but yeah. we; meet by the exit.

wifewithaknife: and get ice cream?

kaz: i mean… sure
kaz: u can get ice cream

wifewithaknife: u need to get ice cream as well :’(

kaz: uhhh why?

wifewithaknife: bc the rest of us are getting ice cream
wifewithaknife: nina says she wants ice cream

kaz: fine. ill eat ice cream with you. after we get the bed and chest of drawers.

wifewithaknife: oh!
wifewithaknife: u found one?

kaz: yeah. its pretty nice.

wifewithaknife: nina says she wants to ride on the trolley things!

kaz: tell nina that if anyone’s riding on the trolley its me im very close to dying rn.

wifewithaknife: oh, u okay?

kaz: yeahyeah
kaz: just sore, but i found somehwere to sit down for now until you get here

wifewithaknife: thats good. omw now :)

Private Chat: Heart-Tr3nder and kaz:

Heart-Tr3nder: i will gladly push u around on the ikea trolley kazoo kazzie kazzle dazzle <333

kaz: u spend too much time with jesper.

Heart-Tr3nder: ikik
Heart-Tr3nder: u doing okay tho??
Heart-Tr3nder: cuz ikik were not like closest of friends but we still friends kaz brekker n u can talk to me yknow

kaz: im fine.

Heart-Tr3nder: bish u rejected nejy my beloved and ik u like her so whats up?

kaz: nothing.
kaz: i mean, i like her
kaz: as a friend.
kaz: mostly.
kaz: its complicated?

Heat-Tr3nder: and im all ears bby! :))))

kaz: not rn. shes like nearly here.

Heart_Tr3nder: ooh good luck <3

kaz: stfu <3

crows:

Matthias: Does everyone have what they came for?
Matthias: Just checking before we leave! <3 :)

kaz: yes. bed and a chest of drawers, both bought.

jesjes: yess dad <33

Wylan Van-Egg: Can we agree that this was probably a bad idea?

jesjes: rpbs yeppp

Heart-Tr3nder: yessss

wifewithaknife: yeah lmao

Matthias: Yes!

kaz: yes.

Chapter Text

Sexy Kanej shippers United:

Heart-Tr3nder: can any of us actually believe that Kaz and inej my beloved will be sharing a literal apartment

jesjes: nopenopenope

Wylan Van-Egg: Wait, what? Did I miss something

jesjes: wait didnt i tell u last nigfhr what happeenend?

Wylan Van-Egg: Maybe. I must’ve forgotten though

Heart-Tr3nder: ah right okie
Heart-Tr3nder: since kaz’s apartment is deceased due to unfortunate circumstances, he’s staying with inej until he can get a new one

Matthias: Doesn’t Kaz own many apartments?

Heart-Tr3nder: idk stop questioning the kanej bish
Heart-Tr3nder: jkjk, lve u bby <3

Matthias: I love you too, Nina <3

jesjes: so back to the subject at hand we need to atalk abt kanej
Jesjes: and their prediencament of sharing apartment
Jesjes: bc djefwhnfurubhrnhvriewougfhiufaweuhf

Wylan Van-Egg: They’ll work it out in their own time, we shouldn’t pressure them into anything

Heart-Tr3nder: constantly the voice of reason, eggy boi
Heart-Tr3nder: but yeah, i agree ig
Heart-Tr3nder: but they do like each other

jesjes: wel, nejy likes kazzie at least

Heart-Tr3nder: kaz said that its complicated
Heart-Tr3nder: as in lik, he doesn't know

jesjes: guess wjelll hsvw tp waut
jesjes: gess well have to wait
jesjes: lmao autocorrect rlly falling me rn

Wylan Van-Egg: You don’t use autocorrect.

jesjes: bingo!

Heart-Tr3nder: but why tho

jesjes: fo the atstehic nines

Heart-Tr3nder: For Allison:
HeartTr3nder: or the aesthetic, nina

Wylan Van-Egg: Thank you Allison really appreciates it.

jesjes: bbbyy come here and gimme affections

Wylan Van-Egg: Good plan, I’m on my way

Private Chat: wifeiwithaknife and kaz:

kaz: hey inej,
kaz: uh dont wanna wake u up but how tf does ur coffee machine work?

wifewithaknife: good question, it doesn't

kaz: did i wake u up?

wifewithaknife: nnonononono! not at all lmao, i was just getting up
wifewithaknife: how did you sleep?

kaz: haha good question.
kaz: i didn’t.

wifewithaknife: oh sheet u good?

kaz: oh yeah, im fine. used to it. i dont usually sleep anyway.

wifewithaknife: is it the mattress or smnth? is the bed okay?

kaz: its all great inej <3

wifewithaknife: oh k :)

kaz: rlly, thank you for letting me stay here.

wifewithaknife: ofcofc, its what any good fren does

kaz: also u dont have many groceries in ur kitchen.

wifewithaknife: oh yeah haha
wifewithaknife: i usually go shopping today so

kaz: oh, i can.

wifewithaknife: u dont have to do that lmao

kaz: eh, i want to. anyways, i wanna earn my keep here.

wifewithaknife: aww, wel
wifewithaknife: thank you

kaz: <3

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Heart-Tr3nder:

wifewithaknife: this stupid ass boi is making it so hard to unlike him istg-

wifewithaknife sent 2 screenshots

wifewithaknife: JKHHBDBHKHBCEHKWHVRHBEV

Heart-Tr3nder: BESTIE u woke me up
Heart-Tr3nder: but HYIEYCBBWWCBC A HEART?

wifewithaknife: IKR

Heart-Tr3nder: he so likes you nejy

wifewithaknife: :(
wifewithaknife: but he said that he doesn’t babe

Heart-Tr3nder: did he actually say that?

wifewithaknife: technically no
wifewithaknife: but stilllll :’(

Heart-Tr3nder: listen inej imma be completly honest w/ u
Heart-Tr3nder: that boy is absolutely whipped for you. do u have any idea hw he looks at you bestie? he looks like you hung up the stars for him. i am positive that there is no way that he doesn’t like you. maybe he just needs some more time to realis it or he’s scared to mess up ur current relationship, but there are a million conclusions i jup to before thinking that he doesn't like u back

wifewithaknife: thanks, that really helps <3
wifewithaknife: if thats the case tho, i wish hed just tell me :(#

Heart-Tr3nder: ikik
Heart-Tr3nder: an i complete understand that
Heart-Tr3nder: but also i dont think hes used to this. i genuinely think that u caught him rlly off guard

wifewithaknife: maybe

Heart-Tr3nder: dont wait for him forever, especially not if it hurts you, but maybe give things a little bit of time to work itself out <3

wifewithaknife: bestie u give such good advice <3

Heart-Tr3nder: ikr bestie im literally a genius <3

homiesexuals:

jesjes: LMAO
jesjes: forgottt we had this groupchat lmao

Heart-Tr3nder: WAIT A MINUTE
Heart-Tr3nder: oml i remember this chat
Heart-Tr3nder: wait but who did we have in it?

jesjes: HVGVYBHJBHV THE ENTIRE GSA

Heart-Tr3nder: OH YEAH BEFORE VAN ECK SHUT US DONE!
Heart-Tr3nder: good times

jesjes: but it cant just be te two of cu
jesjes: we needs a new nemebr

Heart-Tr3nder: but whooooooooooooo

jesjes: LMAO I KNOW WHOOOO

jesjes added Wylan Van-Egg to homiesexuals

Heart-Tr3nder: U GENIUS

Wylan Van-Egg: Hey!
Wylan Van-Egg: Wait, what is this chat for?

Heart-Tr3nder: it used to be ou entire school gsa club but that got disbanded so everyone left so its just us now

jesjes: sn u
Jesjes: and u

Wylan Van-Egg: I am honoured to be considered a homosexual
Wylan Van-Egg: homie sexual
Wylan Van-Egg: Allison doesn’t like me today haha

jesjes: LMAOOO

Heart-Tr3nder: LMAOOOOO

Wylan Van-Egg: What do you do as a homie sexual?

jesjes: simp ovr or boyfs
jesjes: ik thats easy for u ;D

Wylan Van-Egg: You are very correct
Wylan Van-Egg: Insert that cute heart that everyone uses

jesjes: u know what
jesjes: U KNOW WHAT

Heart-Tr3nder: what?

jesjes: we should go on d a date
jesjes: somewhere eomantics
iesjes: w/ caandles

Wylan Van-Egg: That sounds lovely but I’m busy for the next couple of weeks, sadly

jesjes: aww okie well find a date that works for ur date :)

Heart-Tr3nder: maybe do this on a private chat? like, w/o me maybeeee

jesjes: nina darling
jesjes: i would argue that the homiesecual chat is the perfect plae for this type of thing

Heart-Tr3nder: ur right *heartbrocken*

jesjes: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBWKNXHJJWvuhbfhbfhb#
jesjes: well plan after the date on a proate chat howvert

Wylan Van-Egg: Insert winking face here

Heart-Tr3nder: LEAVING NOW

crows:

wifewithaknife: how does everyone feel abt a housewarming party?

Matthias: But your house isn’t new.

wifewithaknife: ikik but now its kaz’ house as well

kaz: not forever.
kaz: just till i can afford my own.

wifewithaknife: is it illegal for me to want an excuse to party with my friends >:(
wifewithaknife: jkjk

kaz: well, it’ll be nice to hang out with everyone

Private Chat: jesjes and Heart-Tr3nder:

Heart-Tr3nder: THIS ISN@T THE KAZ BrEEKR I KNOW
Heart-Tr3nder: THIS IMPOSTER IF TOO POLOTE

jesjes: JKEWKJHUGH£CFYU£FY£UGFHUEWBCHEW

crows:

wifewithaknife: so can everyn make it>

Wylan Van-Egg: Of course! I have no social life outside of all of you.
Wylan Van-Egg: Insert smiley face here.

wifewithaknife: wylan nooooooooooooooo not the smiley face
wifewithaknife: :((((((

Wylan Van-Egg: Insert sincere smiley face here.

wifewithaknife: hooray :D!

jesjes: i cant make it i am very preoccupied.

Heart-Tr3nder: ur literally just cuddling wylan u bish

jesjes: as i said very pprecicicpped

Matthias: I can make it :D! It will be fun

Heart-Tr3nder: likewise <3

wifewithaknife: yay!
wifewithaknife: so like in and hour or so u can make it rit?

jesjes: yeeeeep

Wylan Van-Egg: Yes

Matthias: Yes! :D!

Heart-Tr3nder: yas <3

kaz: obviously

Heart-Tr3nder: OKAY SNAPE

jesjes: NO NOW I CANH JUST HEAR HIM XJKBBIEWBCUHBR£U

Wylan Van-Egg changed kaz’s name to Snape

Snape: change it back. Now.

Heart-Tr3nder: I CAN MAKE IT BETTER

Heart-Tr3nder changed Snape’s name to Walmart Emo Snape

Walmart Emo Snape: do u find this funny?

Heart-Tr3nder: very much so
Heart-Tr3nder: but also very much so: fuck jkr

Wylan Van-Egg: Fuck J K R
Wylan Van Egg: Insert sarcastic heart emoji here

jesjes: q u a k i n rn but yeah fuckkkk jkr transpobbs are very icky

Matthias: Very icky indeed!

wifewithaknife: fuck jkr and stan walmart emo snape <3

Heart-Tr3nder: wait a sec-
Heart-Tr3nder: does walrmart emo snape support trans rights?

Walmart Emo Snape: obviously.

jesjes: JBRCIEBIHCRBILHRBIHLEXKHLEXNJOERKLTNJLNJLIT

Wylan Van-Egg: Damn
Wylan Van-Egg: You broke Jez. He’s lying on the floor wheezing.

Wylan Van-Egg sent 1 video.

Heart-Tr3nder: im dying both at jesper dying of laughter at walmart emo snape
Heart-Tr3nder: but also allison deciding to rename him ‘jez

jesjes: :( why does allison get to rename me

Heart-Tr3nder: shhhh let Allison have her girlboss moment <3

wifewithaknife: as hilarious as all of this is, i need to prepare snacks for tonight. cya then <3

Chapter Text

crows:

Heart-Tr3nder: on second thought i might be a bit late :(

wifewithaknife: oh no” is everythin okie?

Heart-Tr3nder: im on a call with and old friend rn
Heart-Tr3nder: she isnt doing great, so ill come when ik shes doing better

wifewithaknife: ofcofc take all the time u need and she needs <3

Matthias: I can still make it on time! :P!

jesjes: tplup the way u type of obscene pls stop right now
jesjes: someone throw this man in jaill

Wylan Van-Egg: Allison prefers Matthias’s typing over yours, Jesp

jesjes: >:(
jesjes: do u prefer allison over me now
jesjes: huhQ
jesjes: do u prfefer allison overr meee

Wylan Van-Egg: Jesper, you’re the love of my life. Allison is the whiny toddler who I also rely on to cook me food

kaz: there goes the prize for weirdest analogy ever.
kaz: bc toddlers cant cook for shit.

Jesjes: how do u now? HUH

kaz: ive met far too many toddlers.

Wylan Van-Egg: Allison is a pure-bred toddler. She can cook and keep me functional
Wylan Van-Egg: Maybe a better analogy is Allison keeps me functional Jesper makes me infunctional.

wifewithaknife: is that even a word?

kaz: no.
kaz: also inej wtf is the party playlist?

wifewithaknife: a nostalgic journey of 2010

kaz: correct answer, a mess.

wifewithaknife: dont be mean >:-(

kaz: fine.
kaz: it is a lovely mess

jesjes: INEJ WTF IS THAT A NOSE?

wifewithaknife: Y E S

jesjes: despcicable

Wylan Van-Egg: Me

wifewithaknife: ewkjbiaewfbhierhbvrbheriyberhibersibherhbfechnirnhierrrbyv4whrehni nhryubryubtryubvrjkhberbyhIUIUGOYUGSYUBCRWIIV$BIUOIBVHIHERBHHAHHAHAHAHA
wifewithaknife: peak comedy right here folccs!

Matthias: I leave all you alone for five minutes and this happens?

Wylan Van-Egg: To quote Kaz it is a lovely mess

Matthias: A very messy mess! :(!

kaz: the sky is blue

Heart-Tr3nder: dont be mean to my bofy >:( hes too sweet for yall

Matthias: :D!

Heart-Tr3nder: his typing is atrocious tho

Matthias: :(!

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and kaz:

wifewithaknife: are u excited for tonight?

kaz: surprisingly?
kaz: yeah. ive been feeling pretty good recently!

wifewithaknife: aww thats great <3

kaz: i have to tell you something as well.

wifewithaknife: oh?

kaz: but uhh not rn. tonight maybe?

wifewithaknife: okie :D

kaz: okie :)

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Heart-Tr3nder:

wifewithaknife sent 1 screenshot

Heart-Tr3nder: BESTIE WHAT
Heart-Tr3nder: hyperventilating rn!

wifewithaknife: i dont wanna get my hopes up but!!!

Heart-Tr3nder: i rlly think he might just confess his love for you bestie

wifewithaknife: mmmmm maybe????

Heart-Tr3nder: also its nice to see that hes doing good <3

wifewithaknife: ikr hes happy <3
wifewithaknife: on a slightly related note
wifewithaknife: hows ur friend?

Heart-Tr3nder: alright. I dont wanna get into specifics bc its personal yknow but shes okie now thx for asking so ill be along soon

wifewithaknife: okie!
wifewithaknife: the door just ran so our boys are here brbb <3

Heart-Tr3nder: yay! the party is starting!

homiesexuals:

jesjes: BESTIE U are missing a histpric event rn
jesjes: kaz is singing to classic ynkow that song:

Heart-Tr3nder: i dont believe you. I require prof

jesjes sent 2 videos

Heart-Tr3nder: NO WAY hes just staring at inej the whole time while mouthing the words <3

Wylan Van-Egg: It’s better in person he looks very happy right now.

Heart-Tr3nder: just missed my bus :’-(
Heart-Tr3nder: what r u doing?

jesjes: inej made garlic bread its amazinggggggg

Heart-Tr3nder: pls save for e

Wylan Van-Egg: Don’t worry I’m saving some for you definitely.
Wylan Van-Egg: Kaz was right the playlist is a 2000 10s mess
Wylan Van-Egg: It’s a lovely mess though

jesjes: curewnyl playing cheetlrafer

Heart-Tr3nder: do u mean cheerleader?

jesjes: ja

jesjes sent 3 videos

Heart-Tr3nder: fjsjcjfjdkjvjs yall r being too cute stop
Heart-Tr3nder: seriously post those on the group chat

crows:

jesjes sent 5 videos

jesjes: loveeee yalll

Private Chat: jesjes and Walmart Emo Snape:

Walmart Emo Snape: jes help i need a confidence boost.

jesjes: Vidvjhgi khate
jesjes: vidkvjkkskalu goooo kax breeelrr

Walmart Emo Snape: ur drunk. too drunk

jesjes: no in bpt
jesjes: hahaha msbye

Walmart Emo Snape: imma message wy instead then.
Walmart Emo Snape: and just bc u won't remember this, ily <3

jesjes: hahahahshdhfhhshah
jesjes: ily2 kaxxienc ~4

Private Chat: Wylan Van-Egg and Walmart Emo Snape

Walmart Emo Snape: ur boy is drunk.

Wylan Van-Egg: I know right it is very cute
Wylan Van-Egg: Insert sincere heart emoji

Walmart Emo Snape: not the word i would use but sure.

Wylan Van-Egg: Insert broken heart here

Walmart Emo Snape: i desperately need advice.
Walmart Emo Snape: im sitting in the bathroom rn contemplating everything.

Wylan Van-Egg: Are you okay?

Walmart Emo Snape: define okay.

Wylan Van-Egg: That’s it I’m coming over now Kaz genuinely worried

Walmart Emo Snape: wait no not like that.
Walmart Emo Snape: im fine.

Walmart Emo Snape sent 1 voice message

Wylan Van-Egg: Ohhhh that makes a lot more sense
Wylan Van-Egg: I think you should

Walmart Emo Snape: ikik but still nervous

Wylan Van-Egg: I just went for it honestly.
Wylan Van-Egg: Which is weird
Wylan Van-Egg: Since I’m like the most nervous person I know

Walmart Emo Snape: then how did u do it?

Wylan Van-Egg: Well I knew that it was something that I really did want to do so I went for it

Walmart Emo Snape: thx wy <3

Wylan Van-Egg: Aw you’re welcome
Wylan Van-Egg: Insert sincere heart here

Walmart Emo Snape: yknow what imma do it now.

Wylan Van-Egg: That’s the attitude you got this exclamation mark

Walmart Emo Snape: wooooo abt to tell her.
Walmart Emo Snape: wish me luck?

Wylan Van-Egg: Good luck Kaz

Walmart Emo Snape: i did it!

Wylan Van-Egg: And how did it go
Wylan Van-Egg: Kaz
Wylan Van-Egg: Kaz C’mon
Wylan Van-Egg: I’m guessing that the exclamation mark means that it went well
Wylan Van-Egg: But tell me please

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Heart-Tr3nder:

wifewithaknife: forget anytime i ever said i wished that i didnt like this boy <3 this may the best feeling ever

Heart-Tr3nder: BESTIE
Heart-Tr3nder: DOES THIS HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH WHAT HE WANTED TO TELL U ABT OML
Heart-Tr3nder: DONT JUST LEAVE ME HANGING

wifewithaknife sent 1 photo

wifewithaknife: ;)

Heart-Tr3nder: KAZ MOTHERFUCKING BREEEKR FEEL ASLEEP ON UR SHOLDER?

wifewithaknife: mhm!

Heart-Tr3nder: WHAT DID HE SAY>

wifewithaknife: well most of it is sort of private yknow
wifewithaknife: but wve decided to stay mostly friend for now
wifewithaknife: ikik but its a good decision for now less stress

Heart-Tr3nder: ofc i respect ur guyses privacy but ahhhh this is exciting! <3333

Sexy Kanej shippers United:

Heart-Tr3nder: YALL HEARD IT RIGHT HERE FOLKS
Heart-Tr3nder: KANEJ HAS OFFICIALLY SAILED!!!!!!!!

Wylan Van-Egg: That’s what Kaz was talking about he ghosted me after saying that he confessed to Inedge

Matthias: Now it is really party time!! :P!!

jesjes: im gettreiuvrhue89jh the bbeerr

Heart-Tr3nder: Not saying that i endorse underage drinking buttttt im not against that idea
Heart-Tr3nder: everyone bit jes tho
Heart-Tr3nder: somehow hes had enough already

jesjes: ineywireyi haa a dwcret bberiu34 cabintre
jesjes: hahahahahaha

Wylan Van-Egg: Asking Inej now

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Wylan Van-Egg:

Wylan Van-Egg: Hullo Inej mind if we dip into your beer stash

wifewithaknife: ofc not go ahead im not having any tho <3

Wylan Van-Egg: Thank you very much smiley face
Wylan Van-Egg: Also congrats with Kaz

wifewithaknife: awww thx <3 did ninns tell yall

Wylan Van-Egg: Just the bare minimum

wifewithaknife: awww okie, thx for being super sweet
wifewithaknife: ily wy <3

Wylan Van-Egg: Love you too Inej

crows:

Heart-Tr3nder: well me and matty r gonna head home soon <3
Heart-Tr3nder: this has been wonderful and its such a joy to see yall <333333

Wylan Van-Egg: Aw everyone’s very sappy today
Wylan Van-Egg: Not complaining though
Wylan Van-Egg: Have a safe trip back Nina and Mattie heart here

jesjes: bye bue
jesjes: hahahha

Wylan Van-Egg: I should get this one home soon

Matthias: Good idea. Underage drinking is a huge problem!

Jesjes: lehakky illwoed to drunk
jesjes: 19

Heart-Tr3nder: *18 but drinking laws here r more relaxed

Matthias: AH! That makes more sense! Thank you for explaining darling <3!

Heart-Tr3nder: u r very welcome <3

Wylan Van-Egg: Leaving now
Wylan Van-Egg: Heart inserted here

jesjes: nooooooo :((((
jesjes: ineh haa gopd b3hjt54vw

Wylan Van-Egg: Definitely time to go home for you

jesjes: :(

Wylan Van-Egg: Inej thank you so much for inviting us this has been amazing
Wylan Van-Egg: See all of you soon
Wylan Van-Egg: Insert heart here of the sincerest kind

wifewithaknife: aww its been lovely to cya 2 <3 have a safe trip home
wifewithaknife: and if jes needs a major hangover cure i have plently

Wylan Van-Egg: Thank you so much

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Walmart Emo Snape:

wifewithaknife: i mean ikd when ull see this but
wifewithaknife: good night kaz <3
wifewithaknife: ily to the moon and back

Chapter Text

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Walmart Emo Snape:

Walmart Emo Snape: little late but <3
Walmart Emo Snape: also thx for getting me to bed haha.

wifewithaknife: oh no problem! i knew that youd probably be super ucomfy if u just stayed sitting on the bathroom floor, especially ur leg haha <3

Walmart Emo Snape: yeah.

wifewithaknife: u good?

Walmart Emo Snape: yep!
Walmart Emo Snape: i just rlly dont want to make this too awkward…
Walmart Emo Snape: but im not very good at all thi stuff.

wifewithaknife: thats kie <3 i mean, nothings rlly changed but i get it
wifewithaknife: ya know what hb we meet up for coffee this afternoon or smnth

Walmart Emo Snape: thats a nice idea.

wifewithaknife: does 3;00 work fr u?

Walmart Emo Snape: yep!
Walmart Emo Snape: i dont have anythin on today haha.

wifewithaknife: same! :D

Walmart Emo Snape: :D
Walmart Emo Snape: cya then!

wifewithaknife: cya then!

Private Chat: Heart-Tr3nder and Wylan Van-Egg:

Heart-Tr3nder: good morning bestie <3

Wylan Van-Egg: Ah
Wylan Van-Egg: You just gave me a heart attack

Heart-Tr3nder: sorry! :(

Wylan Van-Egg: No no no no no all good Jez isn’t up yet though

Heart-Tr3nder: that boy can sleep throh a fire alamr

Wylan Van-Egg: Haha yeah

Heart-Tr3nder: no
Heart-Tr3nder: literally!!!
Heart-Tr3nder: we were at a hotel sleeping and the fire alarm wnt off i an I woke Up PANICKED and this boi just kepr sleeping like hs life depended in it!!

Wylan Van-Egg: That sounds like Jes
Wylan Van-Egg: Insert loving heart here

Heart-Tr3nder: what r u doing rn?

Wylan Van-Egg: Making breakfast and hangover cure

Heart-Tr3nder: Do u like cooking?

Wylan Van-Egg: I prefer baking truthfully but cooking is good too
Wylan Van-Egg: Colm always says that I don’t have to but I like it

Heart-Tr3nder: ur staying with colm rn?

Wylan Van-Egg: My mum gets out soon though then I’ll live with her again

Heart-Tr3nder: thats good<3

Wylan Van-Egg: Yeah
Wylan Van-Egg: What are you doing

Heart-Tr3nder: cuddling with matty

Heart-Tr3nder sent 5 photos

Wylan Van-Egg: You two are very cute together heart heart

Heart-Tr3nder: so r u n jes <33333

Wylan Van-Egg: Haha thanks
Wylan Van-Egg: I know tomorrow is Sunday but
Wylan Van-Egg: How about we go to the dinner
Wylan Van-Egg: Since last time was a while ago and Kaz was pissed off

Heart-Tr3nder: OMG GREAT IDEA YASSSS <3333
Heart-Tr3nder: Matrt officially loves the idea
Heart-Tr3nder: It will be fun!! <3!! -Matty the tytplip

Wylan Van-Egg: Yay we’ll see if everyone else can make it

crows:

jesjes: i feel like literal shit someone help
jesjes: :(

Heart-Tr3nder: did u just wake up?

jesjes: u didnt?

Heart-Tr3nder its nearly lunch…
Heart-Tr3nder: anywayyyyys who can make it to the diner tomorrow?

wifewithaknife: oh yes! im facing timing my parents in the morning so does lunch instead of breakfast wok?

Heart-Tr3nder: absodllyyeryuetxcfghjkio
Heart-Tr3nder: Sorry! Nina fell of the bed! :(! -Matthias
Heart_Tr3nder: im okie!

jejes: ill make it :(((((((

wifewithaknife sent 1 link

jesjes: thx darling ur a national treasure <3

Heart-Tr3nder: All hail Inej and her hangover cues

jesjes: and the goat

Walmart Emo Snape: ofc the fucking goat.
Walmart Emo Snape: i can mkae t tomorrow.
Walmart Emo Snape: so cya there.

Heart-Tr3nder: so everyone can make it?

Walmart Emo Snape: yes.

Matthias: Yes! :)!

jesjes: yeeeep

Wylan Van-Egg: Yeah

wifewithaknife: ja!

Private Chat: jesjes and Walmart Emo Snape:

jesjes: awwwww u love me <3

Walmart Emo Snape: i was drunk.

jesjes: no u were not
jesjes: u lovr me <3

Walmart Emo Snape: no.

jesjes: admit it kazzie-kazzie kazzoo kazzle dazzle love of my life my beloved my sunshine the light of my day the Apple of my eye darling <3333

Walmart Emo Snape: no.

jesjes: oui

Walmart Emo Snape: no.

jesjes: ja
jesjes: si
jesjes: yes in any language u can thimk off

Walmart Emo Snape: no.

jesjes: kazzie doodle doo just admit that u lobe me <3

Walmart Emo Snape: no i wont.

jesjes: :(

Walmart Emo Snape: no.

jesjes: :’(

Walmart Emo Snape: no.

jesjes: :‘-(

Walmart Emo Snape: no, end of conversation.

jesjes: yes, end of cnvo!
jesjes: kazzie?
Jesjes: damn u actually meant end of convo lmao

Gatelight, girlkeep, gasboss <3:

bitchy: hey

sunny: hey!

Heart-Tr3nder: oMG
Heart-Tr3nder: hey zoay <3

pretty: hello darls <3
pretty: neens change ur username for this chart :(

Heart-Tr3nder changed their name in this chat to gay

pretty: perfect <3

sunny: yay!
sunny: also thanks so much for helping me yesterday you amazing amazing people <333

bitchy: ur welcome

pretty: we’re always here fur u babe <3

gay: ofc ofc
gay: id be a bad friend if i didnt help u

sunny: yall r literally the best

bitchy: bahahahaah
bitchy: but thx darl
bitchy: ur literally the best

pretty: mmmmm love yall <3

sunny: love u too babe <3

bitchy: <3 how much more summer holiday do u have neens

gay: uhh next week, and then two days the teachers are in for but were not

sunny: we have two more weeks

pretty: wait a minute-
pretty: imagine if we met up for the last week of ur holiday lmao

gay: WAIT IMAGINE

sunny: mu gf is a genius yall <3

gay: YOU COULD MEET MATTY

bitchy: ur boyfriend?

gay: YES

pretty: YES

sunny: YES I WANNA MEET MATTIE <3
sunny: ik youve sent pictures but I WANNA MEET HIM SO BADLY :(((((

gay: where will we meet up tho?

bitchy: nikolai has and island house.

gay: NIKOLAI LANSTOV?

pretty: her fuck buddy :(

bitchy: NOT MY FUCK BUDDY

sunny: her golden retriever boy :(

bitchy: I HATE YOU ALL
bitchy: im sure hell let us use his island house for a week or so for funsies

pretty: can we meet the rest of ur friends?

gay: YES

sunny: YES we’ve heard so much abt them but never met them :(((((

pretty: pls

bitchy: im literally checking boat schedules rn this is happening right?

gay: OFC!
gay: I wanna see my besties again :(
gay: brb asking my crows if they wanna come

sunny: im always jealous of ur cool group nickname :((((

pretty: yeah what can we be?

bitchy: the ACES

pretty: that is entirely irrelevant to our aethsteic

sunny: u just searched that up on google :(

bitchy: u caught me

crows:

Heart-Tr3nder: EXCITING NEWS YALL
Heart-Tr3nder: MY BESTIES ASIDE FROM YALL JUST MESSAGED TO INVITE ME TO A WEEK AT THEIR ISLAND HOUSE FOR OUR LAST WEEK OF HOLIDAY AND IF YALL CAN MAKE IT YALL R COMING!

jesjes: WAIT SERIOUSly?
jesjes: ijervand hose?
jesjes: coolio im in

Matthias: I can make it!

Wylan Van-Egg: Same here

wifewithaknife: will there be adult supervision?

Heart-Tr3nder: just checked, yes :D

wifewithaknife: awesome! Can make it if tickets are paid for

Heart-Tr3nder: zoya’s ‘friend’ is paying for all expenses apparwnyly
Heart-Tr3nder: so tikits will be bought once we know who is coming

wifewithaknife: in that case, all in but where’s the island?

Heart-Tr3nder: nejy i failed geography last year :(
Heart-Tr3nder: idk not a far boat trip apparently?

jesjes: yAY this is exiting!!!

Heart-Tr3nder: hbu kazzie?
Heart-Tr3nder: can u make it?

Walmart Emo Snape: no.

Heart-Tr3nder: aww :(

jesjes: u nevgebre plan tghinga for the lastr week of school tho

Matthias: In case something happens! Like this!

Walmart Emo Snape: plans fucking change, alright.
Walmart Emo Snape: i cnt make it to some stupid island house with ur friends, okay?

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and Walmart Emo Snape:

wifewithaknife: kaz whats wrong?

Walmart Emo Snape: nothing/

wifewithaknife: something is clearly bothering you,
wifewithaknife: and i wanna help you <3

Walmart Emo Snape: im fine.

wifewithaknife: why dont u want to go to the island house kaz?

Walmart Emo Snape: i cant make it.

wifewithaknife: thats not true

Walmart Emo Snape: plans changed.

wifewithaknife: whats wrong with going to the island house?

Walmart Emo Snape: i dont want to talk about it.
Walmart Emo Snape: its just shitty and i dont mean to snap at you all,
Walmart Emo Snape: but i rlly dont want to go to the beach house but i dont wanna explain why bc its personal, and absolutely nothing against all of you. i would if i could.

wifewithaknife: okay
wifewithaknife: u dont have to disclose anything u dont want to

Walmart Emo Snape: ur not mad?

wifewithaknife: ofc not <3

Walmart Emo Snape: okay <3
Walmart Emo Snape: cya soon

wifewithaknife: right yeah! cya soon love

Private Chat: Jordie and Walmart Emo Snape:

Walmart Emo Snape: jordie help.

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Jordie and Walmart Emo Snape:

Jordie: Whats wrong?

Walmart Emo Snape: ehjehfireshjguyf
Walmart Emo Snape: my fiend has invited all of us to her friend’s island house for the last week of school
Walmart Emo Snape: i do rlly want to go bc itll be fun to spend ime with my friends and her friends but i cant.

Jordie: Im sorry

Walmart Emo Snape: no, not ur fault, never ur fault.

Jordie: It sucks ik

Walmart Emo Snape: yeah, ive explained to one friend that i cant make it for personal reasons but,
Walmart Emo Snape: but i kinda snapped at all of them.

Jordie: R u going to apologies?

Walmart Emo Snape: ofc.

Jordie: good

Walmart Emo Snape: yknow what,

Walmart Emo Snape changed their name to kaz

kaz: thats better.

Jordie: inside joke?

kaz: yeah.

Jordie:Im glad that u found a good group of friends

kaz: yeah.
kaz: theyre really amazing.

Jordie: R u apartment hunting currntly?

Kaz: im staying with a friend rn but yes. old one is being rebuilt thankfully but im banned for life from that building for burning it down. i mean, it wasnt even me who burnt it.

Jordie: What friend?

kaz: uve never met her.

Jordie: Right yeah…
Jordie: U never tell me anything abt ur personal life

kaz: personal for a reason.

Jordie: But im ur brother

kaz: ikik,
kaz: i wanna tell u tings but sometimes its hard.

Jordie: Well, since ur friends r leaving for some island house fur the last week of holiday , which i also have off , how abt i come round and we can do some brother bonding time together. like watch movies and shit like that <3

kaz: i like that idea <3

Jordie: Yay!
Jordie: cya then!

kaz: cya then!

crows:

kaz: im sorry for snapping at yall. i didnt mean to. i would want to go on the holiday but for personal reasons i cant. Sorry.

jesjes: <3

Heart-Tr3nder: AHHHH Im GONA MISS U :(
Heart-Tr3nder: I TOLD MY FRIENDS THEY COULD MEET THE EMO

Matthias: Aw Man!

wifewithaknife: ill miss u <3

Wylan Van-Egg: All good

kaz: my brothers coming too for like a brother bonding week so i wont be alone.

jesjes: NO
jesjes: I REFUSE
jesjes: FOR Y E A RS I HAVW WISHED TO MEET THE INAFMOUS JORDIE BEKKER WHATVER AND NOW I AM MISSIJBHG THIS ARRIVAL THI I BALSHMPHEMY

kaz: oops.

jesjes: EVERY SICE U CALLED ME HIS NAME I HAVE WANTWD |TO MEET HIS MANZ

Heart-Tr3nder: wait what?

kaz: long story, not going to relay it.

wifewithaknife: also very sad that i will not meet Jordie but me and kaz must go now <3
wifewithaknife: cya at the diner tomorrow <3

Matthias: Where are you going???

wifewithaknife: ;)

Heart-Tr3nder: Nejy?
Heart-Tr3nder: NOW CMON ANSWER US
Heart-Tr3nder: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Heart-Tr3nder: :(

jesjes: :(

Gatelight, girlkeep, gasboss <3:

gay: alroghty i have all of my friends coming except for one

sunny: oh no! which one cant make it

gay: emo asshole who reptends that he doesn't love us but secretly does

pretty: not the emo!
pretty: officially heart brocken

bitchy: shame

gay: mmmmm yeah especially since him and my knifey wifey are like kinda dating
gay: its adorable istg

sunny: aww <3

bitchy: why cant he make it?

gay: tbh idk tho he got very defenseive when i suggested it like SUPEr defensive like he apoligised but i dont wanna push if he isnt comfy telling us why

pretty: aww hes gonna be lonely

gay: his brother is coming to stay for a week i think
gay: tho if im being tritful i didnt know this brother existed for like a year or two before kaz told me

bitchy: kaz?

gay: emo dude

bitchy: bestie im gonna need a list of all ur friends

gay: my bf, matty. the crazy bisexual, jesper. the less crazy homo, wylan. my knifey wifye, inej. emo dude who you wont meet, kaz

sunny: screenshotting for future reference <3

pretty: if i forget their names will they answer to the descriptions u gave?

gay: absolutely!

pretty: yay! i cant wait to meet them

sunny: same here <333

bitchy: i am surprisingly excited to meet ur crows

gay sent 1 photo

gay: cutest pic of us all together <333
gay: my besties and me
gay: well ur all my besties

sunny: and next week we can be ur besties all together <3

gay: can’t wait <3

Private Chat: wifewithaknife and kaz:

wifewithaknife: that was a really fun date!

kaz: oh yeah!
kaz: it was nice.

wifewithaknife: we should do it again!

kaz: after school starts. ur away until then.

wifewithaknife: i can stay behind with you if u want?

kaz: go have fun with everyone <3 besides itll be nice to spend time with my brother.

wifewithaknife: how long has it been sine uve last talked to him?

kaz: too long.
kaz: its my fault rlly but its hard.

wifewithaknife: ik

kaz: yeah.

wifewithaknife: i mean obviously i dont know but yeah

kaz: dw i get what u mean :)

wifewithaknife: where r u rn?
wifewithaknife: i mean ik u said u have stuff to do
wifewithaknife: but

kaz: apartment hunting.

wifewithaknife: oh

kaz: i mean i love rooming with you but i wanna be out of ur hair as soon as possible haha.

wifewithaknife: i love rooming with you too
wifewithaknife: ur not a burden

kaz: oh.
kaz: haha.
kaz: thx

wifewithaknife: have u found any good options?

kaz: nope. ive tried looking for ones on a lower floor but theres not many. most that r high up also have elevators that are either broken or have broken in the past multiple times, which sucks. so no luck yet…

wifewithaknife: aw that sucks :( i hope you find a good apartment at some point

kaz: haha me too.
kaz: but thx <3

wifewithaknife: ig that ill cya this evening?

kaz: absolutely <3 cya

Private Chat: Wylan Van-Egg and jesjes:

jesjes: ikik that ur bday is not for lik fifty six months or somethn but i habe a surprise presney fr ur!

Wylan Van-Egg: Seriously
Wylan Van-Egg: Exclamation mark I’m excited right now

jesjes: drum roll pls
jesjes: guess where we’re gping for the winter holidays?
jesjes: broadway

Wylan Van-Egg: What the fuck
Wylan Van-Egg: Wait excitedly what the fuck holy shit

jesjes: i mean i wanted to get ur confirmation for what shows to see but colm is booking tickets and airplanes and shit soon

Wylan Van-Egg: Woah

jesjes: bb u good?

Wylan Van-Egg: I’m in shock right now
Wylan Van-Egg: Are you serious

jesjes: asoleuete consider this early bday fist or smsnth :D

Wylan Van-Egg: You’re the best Jesper
Wylan Van-Egg: And I love you so fucking much it’s incredible

jesjes: my dad is going away on the second weekend of school for some work thing we can have some private time then

Wylan Van-Egg: I like the sound of that

jesjes: yay!

Wylan Van-Egg: Yay Exclamation mark

Chapter Text

crows:

Wylan Van-Egg: Just to be clear we can all make it for the diner for lunch correct

Heart-Tr3nder: Yeep <3

kaz: yes!

jesjes: in my a exc,ametion mrk and yes

Matthias: Absolutely :D!

kaz: inej is on a call with her parents rn but yes for her as well.

jesjes: hwoo2 do u know that huh?

kaz: bc im in her apartment,
kaz: idiot.

jesjes: why ri in her apapryment?

Kaz: bc i fucking live here idiot.

jesjes: :’-(

kaz: affectionate heart <3

Wylan Van-Egg: You’re my idiot
Wylan Van-Egg: Affectionate sincere heart inserted here

jesjes: yall i feele so loved rn <3

wifewithaknife: yay! We love u jes <33333

Jesjes: ajkhiehvfdfsubgur <3 awww

Heart-Tr3nder: NEJY MY BELOVED!
Heart-Tr3nder: HOW ARE U PARENTS?

wifewithaknife: theyre good! they miss me, ofc, but theyre’ coming for the winter holidays :D

kaz: thats great <3

jesjes: KANEJ CONf\iMED

Matthias: Aww you are such a cute couple!

wifewithaknife:...
wifewithaknife: matty, darling
wifewithaknife: me and kaz arent together rn <3

Matthias: what

Heart-Tr3nder: BAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Heart-Tr3nder sent 1 video

wifewithaknife: HE LOOKS SO SHOCKED PMG_
wifewithaknife: MATTY

kaz: haha.

Matthias: Stop laughing at me! :’’’---(

Heart-Tr3nder: Oh darling, its just kinda funny <3 and very very sweet

Matthias: I love you :---D

Heart-Tr3nder: i love ya 2 <3

jesjes: ant believe ur dating a man who pits noses on his emoticon

Heart-Tr3nder: STOPSTOPSTOPSTOP
Heart-Tr3nder: AMKE FUN OF ANYTHING ELSE BUT THAT IM BEGGING YOU

Matthias: What is wrong with my smiley nose face?

jesjes: everything

Matthias: Jesper is mean :’---(

kaz: jes is ver mean :(

jesjes: STOP IT :(
jesjes: kazzie is a big meanie brocken hearted rn

kaz: :>

Heart-Tr3nder: thats the first time ive ever seen u use that face lmaooooo

Wylan Van-Egg: Jesper is losing his mind right now
Wylan Van-Egg: That isn’t the Brekker I know
Wylan Van-Egg: The Breaker I know doesn’t use smiley fames especially not cute ones
Wylan Van-Egg: So therefore this Breaker is in fact a hallucination

wifewithaknife: jes stop hijacking wy’s phone for ur conspiracy theory

jesjes: biyt its a good conspiracy theory

Matthias: You know what, it makes sense kind of! :--D!

kaz: oh no u found out my biggest secret.
kaz: :>

wifewithaknife sent 2 photos

wifewithaknife: just so yall also get the dry sarcasm that comes along with this

Heart-Tr3nder: BESTIES I JUST HAD A G E N I U S IDEA
Heart-Tr3nder: WHAT IF WHEN WE go TO THE DINER WE DRESS UP IN OUR FANFIEST CLOTHES

jesjes: and look like the wirdsst little funky quuer pp; to ever exist?
Jesjes:im in!

Wylan Van-Egg: Me too
Wylan Van-Egg: Even if we’re three queer people and three heterosexuals

wifewithaknife: *four queer people :)

kaz: *five queer people.

Heart-Tr3nder: :0
Heart-Tr3nder: :D

Matthia: :--D

Heart-Tr3nder: So its decided then
Heart-Tr3nder: we go to the diner as five funky little queer people and my darling heterosexual <3

wifewithaknife: oui!

jesjes: si

kaz: ja.

Matthias: Yes!

Heart-Tr3nder: YAY!
Heart-Tr3nder: what do yall think of this dress?

Heart-Tr3nder sent 1 video

kaz: you look great :)

Wylan Van-Egg: The sunflower dress
Wylan Van-Egg: It’s gorgeous

jesjes: beaiguoul daling

Wylan Van-Egg: Someone take clothes away from Jez

Heart-Tr3nder: ;)

Matthias: Oooooh! Scandalous!

Wylan Van-Egg: No not like that

Wylan Van-Egg sent 1 photo

Wylan Van-Egg: This is what he is wearing

Heart-Tr3nder: I retract my winky face

jesjes: i thought er decided to be funky lil where ppl :(((

Heart-Tr3nder: funky lil queer ppl WITH GOOD FASHION SENSE
Heart-Tr3nder: matty is dressing better than u

jesjes: :(

wifewithaknife: i think that u loook good :>

kaz: inej is too nice.

jesjes: :((

kaz: u don't look terrible, just very colourful.
kaz: like a parrot.

jesjes: I bet ur dressing like some asshile with a god complex

kaz: correct.

kaz sent 1 photo

Heart-Tr3nder: oh my

jesjes: now I rmebet when I had a dcrush on u lmao

kaz: what?

jesjes: GJEJSKGJIWKUCHSJHC
jesjes: Cjdjsjvjjdjdjdhdhhdhdhdhdhjjjjdjfjfjsjsj :)?

Wylan Van-Egg: Uhhh

jesjes sent 42 photos

kaz: the goats do not distract me from what you just said.
kaz: had, right?

jesjes: yes yes had way before I met wy
jesjes: idk, I had a thing for unavailable ppl back then
jesjes: it was. Ebevrr s rious or anyhung

kaz: im not uncomfortable or anything, just thought it was funny ig.

jesjes: oh okie :)

Wylan Van-Egg: So all is well
Wylan Van-Egg: We’re right outside the diner now

wifewithaknife: ill be a couple of secs :)

Private Chat: Heart-Tr3nder and wifewithaknife:

Heart-Tr3nder: so no comment on Katz's attire?

wifewithaknife: shut up

Heart-Tr3nder: he looks pretty good

wifewithaknife: u win,
wifewithaknife: yes he does

Heart-Tr3nder: dw, his jaw is going to DROP when he sees u

wifewithaknife: u think so<3

Heart-Tr3nder: i know so

wifewithaknife: vidhshchdjjjgjgj

crows:

Wylan Van-Egg: Hey guys once we're all here can we not use the chat to communicate
Wylan Van-Egg: It just makes it harder for me to keep up

kaz: ofc <3

jesjes: of course baby<333

Heart-Tr3nder: ofcofc we love u wylan

jesjes: okay phones away now!! I'm here y'all

Heart-Tr3nder sent 5 photos

Heart-Tr3nder: my fav pics from lunch <3

wifewithaknife: we look so amazinggggg!

kaz: :)

Wylan Van-Egg: I had so much fun but I'm so full lmao

jesjes: same
jesjes: that diner has the best milkshakes

wifewithaknife: agreed <3

Heart-Tr3nder added wifewithaknife, Matthias, Sunbeam_, Genya <3, Zoya, jesjes and two others to besties!!

besties!!:

Heart-Tr3nder: this is just for information abt the holiday, k? like, don't spam so warnings an shit get hidden, k

jesjes: bestie u sound like kaz

Heart-Tr3nder: STOPPPPPPpppp
Heart-Tr3nder: ill add him once the holiday is over <3

wifewithaknife: yay :D

Sunbeam_: we should probably do introductions, like name, pronoun, an partner(s) maybe

Heart-Tr3nder: y'all know me obviously, but nina, she/her, dating Matthias

Matthias: Matthias, he/him, dating Nina <3

Sunbeam_: alina, they/she, dating genya

Genya <3: genya, she/they, dating alina the light of my life

jesjes: jesper, he/him, dating wylan

Wylan Van-Egg: wylan, he/him, dating jesjes

Zoya: she/her, single

wifewithaknife: she/her, inej, it's complicated. kind of dating kaz?

nikolaithebest: Nikolai, he/him, single (for now)

Zoya: asshole

nikolaithebest: it's my beach house ur using :(?

Zoya: fair point
Zoya: I'll save the insults until later then

Heart-Tr3nder: Enemies to lovers <3

Sunbeam_: BDHCJAHAHAHAHAHAGA

Genya <3: Bah Hahahahaha

Zoya: NINA DENIM I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

Heart-Tr3nder: nah, u love me <3

Zoya: ugh fine

jesjes: i have a feeling that im gonna like y'all
jesjes: we're all gonna be besties