Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The car rides to the venues never really bothered her. It was always time she used for herself to prepare for the awaiting cameras or to nap and even slightly try to balance her sleep. But today was different.

Today, after such a long time of ignoring every digital eye, Siyeon is invited to an interview.

Not just any interview. The first interview after Dreamcatchers official disbandment and their three years of break. To say her heart is killing her, is an understatement. The last time Siyeon felt this insecure and nervous in her car to a venue, was the day of her debut ten years ago. However, this time she isn’t surrounded by her energetic members.

When she steps out of the car, Siyeon feels sick again. Cameras shoved in her face and paparazzies who want to get the best picture of her. Her name being screamed in order to get her attention, so she looks a certain way or mimics another pose. Siyeon just wants to run but she can’t. The fakest smile on her face, she greets the by-standing fans and walks as quickly as she can into the building.

She is doing this for her fans and that is the only thing keeping her from throwing up.

It has been a while since Siyeon sat down in front of a microphone like this. Her nerves are killing her slowly, like she imagines drowning in the ocean would feel like. It reminds her once again why she stopped doing this. She awkwardly fiddles with her hands. Years ago, she would’ve just taken one of the girls’ hands and squeezed them to help her calm, but that isn’t possible now. Clearly.

Siyeon looks around, glancing between the four other women sitting next to her. They only held contact briefly if their busy schedules allowed, so seeing them again evokes numerous feelings in her. Mainly pain, with all the old memories that come back and the bitterness of their falling out that leaves a sour taste in her mouth. Something along the lines of happiness or content – her members are healthy and joking around like they never actually stopped. Siyeon can’t help but feel at ease with them around and she hates herself a little bit for it. There definitely is anxiety, she has no clue how she will survive this interview or even what questions she would have to endure. And of course, guilt. There is so much pent up guilt in her heart. She never stopped feeling guilty.

They all seem different than when she last saw them. Coloured hair is now back to black or dark brown. Their faces a little worn out but healthier than ever. There is no ring on any of the girls’ ring finger but Siyeon is sure, none of them would want a public relationship after what happened. With the close distance Siyeon can see the dimples in Minji’s cheeks; she hopes the older is still smiling as much as she used to.

Yoohyeon sits next to Minji and Gahyeon, animatingly talking about some new game with Yubin, who apparently understood every word the tall woman produced. As far as Siyeon is concerned, she is trying her best not to get too far into her thoughts and listen to the girls. They all at least deserve her full attention.

Something nudges Siyeon’s arm and she turns to look at Minji. The latter smiles friendly, her eyes fall on Siyeon’s nervous habit.

“You don’t have to be nervous.” Her voice is gentle like she could never hold a single grudge. “Nothing bad is going to happen, try and enjoy it for our fans.” She reaches for Siyeon’s hands and gives them a reassuring squeeze, stopping the fidgeting. The younger does her best not to flinch and just stares at Minji for a second or two.

Before she can tell Minji the next lie about how fine she is, the volume in the room enhances. Between a high number of cameras, the busy staff and bright lights, Siyeon can barely see anything else. That is until two figures rush over to the two unoccupied chairs along the row. The seats are arranged in a half circle, making it easier for them to talk to each other and get a good view of everyone.

“Sorry that we’re late! My flight had delay and I pulled Bora into the mess when my taxi cancelled and I needed a ride.” Handong excuses their tardiness.

So, they still feel comfortable around each other, Siyeon notes.

One of the people, Siyeon assumed the director, told them that they don’t need to worry, he isn’t ready yet anyway. That gives Siyeon another excuse to look down the row, her eyes fall on Bora. They couldn’t sit further apart.

Her heart feels like giving up. There is so much unresolved pain and guilt, that just now crushed down on her again. Siyeon is unsure how she managed to hold herself up until now.

They haven’t seen each other in years and her heart still clenches the way it did before. Oh, how she wishes to perish the moment Bora’s usually warm, brown eyes meet hers. They don’t hold that spark anymore. Her eyes don’t shine when she looks at her for that one second.

Bora also seemingly doesn’t want to give Siyeon too much of her attention, which the younger completely understands. But she just wishes to see the older happy at least. Siyeon didn’t think that her presence only would pull down the other’s mood this bad. Now she can only do her best not to annoy Bora further and give her the space she clearly wants.

“So, let’s begin, the cameras are rolling!” A female voice behind the lights tells them and brings Siyeon back to reality. The seven of them hurry to straighten their hair a last time or check their clothes for wrinkles. Siyeon’s nerves hitch again but she scolds her features into a pleasant fake smile.

“Welcome back, Dreamcatcher!” Siyeon’s stomach drops at the name. It’s been years since someone addressed her with it. “Today we will talk about how you’ve been and you’re going to answer some burning questions your fans still have. How about you introduce yourselves first and tell us a bit about what you have been up to, before we start with the questions?”

“And remember,” the director adds, “Your fans want full disclosure, full honesty.”

All eyes land on Siyeon, urging her to start. She knew sitting on the far left was a mistake. Her stomach drops and she silently scolds herself again. At least they aren’t live and if Siyeon looks like she feels, her face can be cut out if needed.

“Hello, I’m Siyeon.” She waves at the camera, “And for the past couple months I’ve been traveling the world and writing a few songs.”

Short and sweet, Siyeon thought. She doesn’t want to give too much away. Yet, as the introductions go on, she wishes she was as creative as the others.

Minji opened her own bakery and volunteered at many animal shelters, modelling on her days off. Siyeon had seen the leader on a few covers before and heard about her café but she never actually visited or bought anything, finding new excuses every time she is in town. She apparently had also prepared some baked goods for the staff to try, ever the perfect Minji.

Yoohyeon has a Twitch and YouTube channel, producing gaming content and vlogs with her dog. Siyeon smiles at the thought of the taller showing off her gaming skills or the latest dog toys on the market. For a moment her thoughts drifted back. Yoohyeon passionately editing her own videos when they hadn’t group practice, asking the members for advice.

Gahyeon finished her degree at university and worked her way up at a well-known tech company. Siyeon almost felt uncomfortable how proud she is. She lost most of the contact to Gahyeon once the latter was busy studying and she herself started to travel further than a week’s trip. For a second Siyeon glances at Bora. For a moment she sees how proud the dancer looks. She had no idea if Bora still talked to them all frequently as they used to. But the look on her face vanishes into neutral once she catches Siyeon’s eyes.

Apparently, only Siyeon and Yubin stayed in the music industry. Even though she was just starting again with writing, not even wanting to come close to any camera, Yubin stayed behind the scenes since they disbanded and worked as a producer and composer. That far Siyeon knew, she saw Yubin’s name on by-lines and heard her music occasionally on the radio. But what she didn’t know was that the younger started her own ¬¬label recently. She took note to ask her about it later.

That left Handong living her life in China as a supermodel for countless products. Her clothes were already giving it away, Siyeon thought. The sassy confidence never seemed to have left her, she looks not a day older. Siyeon remembers hazily how Handong practically vanished from earth for a while, the girls assumed she visited family and took her long-needed break. Only a few month later Handong was the cover for Vogue China and her career sky-rocketed.

Bora. Siyeon has to blink a couple times at the others voice. She hates how it calms and makes her nervous at the same time. She shouldn’t feel this way. She just can’t.

Bora opened her own dance studio and choreographed for popular groups when she had time left. She says just as much as Siyeon did and only looks directly at the camera. Siyeon knows that fake smile all too well but she hangs onto every word those lips say anyways.

One of the staff members holds out a black box with a hole on the top, once Bora finished her introduction. The latter takes the box but before she can glance into it the director speaks up.

“There are questions inside the box and you’ll each take one out and answer it together then pass the box along. You can only put a question back one time. You can start when you’re ready but let me remind you again; we really hope you can give your fans the closure they asked for and answer truthfully.”

The girls all look at each other, Siyeon avoiding Bora, before Bora reaches for the first question. Siyeon holds her breath.

“How was it working with other idols, especially male idols? Did your company restrict you to have contact or were you able to at least crush on some?” Bora reads out loud after she gazed over the question.

It’s interesting, Siyeon thinks. Many young fans couldn’t comprehend the thought of male and female idol working together without having feelings or such things. But in her experience most idols were so focussed on themselves and not getting into trouble, that they seldom payed attention to artists from the other gender.

“We never really had restrictions of that kind,” Minji begins hesitantly, not looking at anyone but the camera, as if she is explaining a little child the way of life, “But we never really had that much contact to male idols. Most people in the industry are pretty focussed on their work, but who doesn’t have a crush from time to time.”

Minji’s chuckle affects the others to smile or give sounds of confirmation. Siyeon isn’t sure if this was the truth the fans wanted or if Minji’s hesitance would be taken as her hiding some secret relationship.

The toxic mentality about dating idols was something Siyeon hates to her core. It’s stupid, to put it straight. In the beginning she tried bending to every rule set in her path but somewhere along the lines she learned to look outside of her cage. Even though her awareness for it didn’t really kick in until later in her career, she fell in love long before she even debuted.

Suddenly Siyeon feels weird. Something in the pit of her stomach twists uncomfortably. Memories flash before her eyes and flow into her head like she is sent back in time to watch herself wander through her experiences. Everything feels too real for a daydream or a simple memory. It’s an odd feeling to see herself back in that old practice room she hated so much. It wasn’t the room she hated more like what happened every time she stepped foot into it.

In the back of Siyeon’s head she knows what will happen. She expects what happens next and wants to scream at herself to be ready. Not to look towards the door or make a sprint out of it. But that doesn’t really matter, because Siyeon is breathless and weak nonetheless. The moment a young Bora enters the room, Siyeon is drawn to her.

Something inside her just clicked.

Siyeon couldn’t take her eyes of off her. The way she danced froze her in place. She knew she shouldn’t stare, keep her manners straight, but in that moment, nothing seemed to bother her. The girl danced so freely, feeling the music in her bones and her body reacted just how it wanted. Mesmerizing. That was all Siyeon could think of.

Later she would be introduced to the girl, Kim Bora, she said was her name, and for a long while it will be the only name in Siyeon’s mind. Before she’ll realize, Siyeon had built a crush so strong she contemplated if there was anything greater than seeing Bora dance. Unfortunately, neither of them never really wanted to make the first move and Siyeon considered if Bora actually didn’t know she existed.

They never really talked until one certain day of extra practise. Siyeon, limps stretched away like a starfish, laid on her back in one of the dance rooms. She had a long day of practise and training but still set her mind to more. There are still moves in the choreography of this month’s evaluation that she couldn’t get behind and therefore asked Minji for help.

Minji was one of the most popular trainees and with Bora one of the best at dancing. The older was kind enough to teach Siyeon even though she was probably just as exhausted as her. They planned to train some more after Siyeon’s last dance class for the day, so she relished the little break she got until Minji would show up.

Siyeon didn’t open her eyes when she heard the door open. No one in their right mind would want to dance voluntarily this late.

“Minji, I don’t think I can dance today. I can’t feel my body anymore.”

The faint chuckle she got in response wasn’t Minji’s. She knew who that voice belonged to and hurriedly sat up, ignoring her aching body. This wasn’t how she imagined the first time she talked with her crush. And Siyeon imagined many things.

“Unnie…” she breathed as Bora moved from the door to plug in her music. “S-Sorry, I-I thought you were Minji Unnie.”

Bora glanced at her through the mirror and gave her a grin, “Sorry to disappoint, but Minji isn’t feeling well so she asked me to help you instead.”

“Oh”

Siyeon didn’t know what to do and just sat in the middle of the room, staring at Bora. The latter quickly set up the music and was beginning to stretch her muscles. Siyeon, like the usual, couldn’t take her eyes off the other. Of course, she wanted to reassure Bora, that she didn’t have to help her or do this, but her mouth just wouldn’t listen.

“Are you warm and stretched enough?” Bora asked and Siyeon scrambled to stand. By the heat of her cheeks, Siyeon guessed she was not needing more warmth and nodded sheepishly.

Siyeon had no idea how she survived the following two hours of being the only one in the room with Kim Bora. She might have been distracted a few times but tried to reason with her exhaustion. In the end, dancing was actually fun for the younger. For once she felt like it wasn’t a nasty obstacle in her way to becoming a singer, but a fun way to spend time with Bora while getting her body into shape.

Their little classes repeated themselves more often than originally thought, but neither of the two complained and Minji gladly let Bora teach the younger. Those times Bora helped her in dance class or stopped to chat after lessons in the hallways made the younger’s heart explode.

She never really looked for anything at that time. The only thing on her mind was training and ultimately debuting. That’s probably why she was rather distant, almost too shy to interact with many, and tried to remain her cool image. Looking back, Siyeon can’t blame herself. She was so young and naïve and foolish. But at that exact moment, when their eyes met for the first time, she felt like something clicked. That was the day Siyeon forever remembers as the day she crumbled to pieces by the first entrance Bora made inside her soul.

Only months, maybe years later, Siyeon realized and eventually acknowledged it. But all she knew back then was that her heart had beaten out of her chest and she feared everyone in the room might have heard it. It will be her biggest problem for a while, and Siyeon wants to smile at the innocence.

When they were put into the same group, Siyeon felt uncomfortable for several reasons, but Bora made it all better. She always did. The older was often the only reason why she kept moving and not quitting her dream. But then they didn’t seem to hit the numbers they should and all of their dreams shattered.

A hiatus, they called it. There was a lose promise in the air of debuting again and getting on those stages again. A promise of long nights of dancing until their feet couldn’t hold them anymore and their throats bleeding raw. And Siyeon hung on to that promise, ignoring the sound at the back of her mind voicing all of her insecurities. So for few months Siyeon thought she might have lost her feelings for Bora, but once the clouds of darkness and anxiety left her head clearer, she realized who helped her through.

When they debuted again, she knew very well that the crush she developed, won’t vanish like that. For a second, she wanted to hate Bora for it. For making her feel this much. For her to have the need to hide it in every interview they have. For her to fight the urge of confessing and potentially ruining everything. But in the next moment Bora smiled at her, and like that every thought vanished like she hoped her feelings would.

Something pulls her out of her trance of memories and Siyeon nervously glances around if her inattentiveness caught anyone’s attention. The only one who meets her stare is Bora. The look in her eyes is somewhat dreamy and Siyeon wonders if Bora might have thought about her.

Chapter Text

The next question is drawn by Minji. She fiddles with the box, everyone seems somewhat calmer than in the beginning, until she pulls out the next paper.

“What would you tell your younger self if you had the chance?”

That sparks a loud discussion about regret and wanting to change the past. Bora thought about that question for far longer than just this interview. She often asked herself if she would’ve done anything different had she only known better. Of course, lessening some of the pain would’ve been nice, but in the end, she probably grew from it.

When there is one thing Bora learned in these past years, it’s how to be strong. To stand up for yourself and be the woman she needed when she was younger. She wanted to become a role model for girls, now she got the opportunity. It was part of the reason why she founded her dance studio and started teaching mostly girls in not only dance but confidence and life in general.

But it was just so hard sometimes. To be the strong one. The brave one. On top of the world with a leading tone in her voice. Respected. That road gets hard and lonely. So, she told herself that it was okay to not be strong all the time. Even in times like this. She can allow herself to be human.

For a second no one says anything and suddenly Siyeon takes the chance to speak her mind. Bora’s eyes fall on the younger girl, she doesn’t want to but she can’t help herself.

“There is this quote that goes something like, ‘I have never known anything more boring than perfection.’ When I read that the first time, it really hit me.” Siyeon looks up at the cameras with an intense undertone that makes Bora almost shiver. “I think we all are pushing us way too hard. We’re just humans and everyone has flaws or bad habits they fall into. It would be such a boring world if everyone was the same. I may have regrets but I would simply tell my younger self to hang on and enjoy the ride.”

By the end, everyone is staring at Siyeon. Bora doesn’t expect to see the blush in the younger’s cheeks and the nervous knee that bounces up and down. The anxious messing with her hands also never changed, Bora observes. She changed so much but also not at all. She really doesn’t want to think this way. It’s in the past.

The next second, she feels that weird feeling again. Something tugs at her memories and she tries to push it back. She can’t have those feelings bubble up again just because she is nostalgic or has some weird Deja-vu. She blinks and takes a deep breath, this isn’t happening. But it doesn’t help at all and Bora is send back again a few years. To the ‘Fact in Star’ interview in 2017, if Bora recalls correct. Not like she would ever forget that day.

The next moments all happen in a blur and Bora is forced to watch her first kiss with Siyeon from a first-row seat as the two went all in at the game. Looking back, she had no clue why she always had to be so competitive and went so far, although that’s not the part she would tell her younger self to change.

Bora could feel her heart racing but she kept a smile on her lips. This was all just for show and not exactly what she wanted to do with Siyeon, no. They always fool around like this. It’s okay because this is for a game and their fans. Bora can do fanservice. Bora is good at fanservice, especially when it’s with Siyeon. Not like that mattered.

Then again, Siyeon looked so good that day, it surely wasn’t a problem to get this close to her.

In her mind Bora cursed herself. Since she started to realize her little crush blooming for Siyeon, she couldn’t help herself but fantasize about kissing the younger into oblivion. It wasn’t something Bora was proud of, but she didn’t have to admit her dirty thoughts to anyone, so it was okay. Barely.

The moment was brief. Their lips barely touched. Despite the screaming excitement around them, Bora could feel something almost like disappointment flow through her veins because nothing more happened.

Yet, Bora already sensed her bones aching for more. Her muscles tight in anticipation and her brain a cloud of desire. She had to act quickly for the camera, but her head was elsewhere. Somewhere shoving Siyeon into a wall and kissing her senseless. Oh, how she resented herself at that realisation.

The worst is that the memory made her feel everything again. No matter how much she wants to resist, those feelings somehow find a way back into her heart as if they never left. Like a tattoo her body can’t quite get rid of, Siyeon and her breath-taking lips find themselves at home in Bora’s mind again.

She knows what will happen next. It’s as if she watches a car crash on replay and her eyes can’t help but focus on it every time.

After the kiss, the interview passed very quickly. Bora might not have been paying as much attention as she should but probably no one noticed. The seven of them eventually got to the dorm and everyone just wanted to go to bed and sleep. Their schedule was killing. Promotion would never get easier, Bora thinks at the back of her mind.

No matter how tired and worn out she was that night, she couldn’t get her body to rest for a minute. Every time she closed her eyes, she would feel Siyeon’s lips on her own and that stare undressing her. Bora tossed and turned in her bed, hoping Yoohyeon wouldn’t wake from her restlessness. Her digital clock told her it was way past midnight but she took her phone from her bedside table anyways. Bora knew once she actually started playing any games on it, she wouldn’t get her body to rest. Therefore, she quickly opened YouTube to watch some of their videos, maybe that would remind her brain of the friendship she had with Siyeon.

The distraction worked only partially. After a while, she couldn’t hold herself back anymore and clicked on videos that included only her and Siyeon in them. It didn’t help her situation at all, Bora swiftly realized, but she kept going until eventually she needed time to breath. Time away from those brown eyes staring at her with that intense look that always made her weak.

It was a battle between logic and fantasy. Brain versus heart. She didn’t know who to root for, in the end, it would kill her either way.

Bora got up, still cautions of her roommate, and went into the kitchen for something cool to drink. Her mind was full of everything it shouldn’t. She didn’t switch on the light so she shouldn’t be so surprised when she ran into something. Or rather someone.

However, she was surprised when the person turned out to be Siyeon.

“Oh god,” Bora saw how she put a hand on her chest and took a deep breath, “You scared me.”

All of those videos must have really messed with her mind, but Bora couldn’t take her eyes off of the younger and her natural appearance. Bora was breathless but for a whole other reason.

“Sorry,” she muttered, “Why are you still up? We need to be rested for tomorrow.”

“Couldn’t sleep, too many thoughts up here.” Siyeon pointed at her head and took a glass from the counter, drinking its content.

Bora’s eyes were fixed on Siyeon’s throat. She hoped the little light that managed to stream into the room wouldn’t be enough to expose her very unfriendly stares. She felt her hands tingling with the desire to press the younger to the counter and taste those soft lips again. Either that or to slap herself.

“So, uhm, Minji and I wanted to go to that new Café down the street tomorrow.” Bora felt her cheeks grow warmer when she looked up again. Maybe Siyeon caught her. “Do you wanna come with?”

Everything in Bora’s body screamed yes. She wanted nothing more than be close to the younger but she couldn’t. It would be weird. More than that, she would ruin everything the seven of them build. No matter how close she normally acted with Siyeon, it couldn’t continue like this if she wanted to keep her sanity and the group.

Siyeon took her silence as a no. “It’s okay, you don’t have to come. I just thought you might need a little distraction from all of this. And you liked that other Café we went to recently.”

Bora froze in shock. Did she know about what was on her mind? Why would she suggest a distraction? She had to think of an excuse quickly, she couldn’t let Siyeon think she was some creep after what happened. She clearly knew Bora looked at her differently than everyone else.

“Ah no, its fine. I just had to think if I had plans, and well, I wanted to train some more tomorrow. Sorry.” She stumbled to answer and before Siyeon’s puppy eyes could change her mind, she ran out of the room, leaving a confused Siyeon back in the cold kitchen.

The next couple of days didn’t seem to be any different. Bora still tried her best to act the same in front of the cameras and their fans but it felt somehow awkward. Once she was free from prying eyes the dancer did her best to avoid Siyeon will all her might. Trainings were more than awkward. Meetings just a void of unsaid questions. Car rides drowning in deadly silence. It was harder than Bora initially thought, but she had to. She had to be professional. There was no way she would ruin all of their dreams because of a stupid little crush.

That was until one of the many nights she couldn’t sleep again, she went out to the kitchen. She didn’t turn on the lights because she knew her way around anyways. She got herself a glass of water and just stood there for a moment, taking deep breaths and reflecting her actions.

She missed Siyeon so much it was ripping her heart to pieces. Those sad eyes she avoided weren’t helping her to stay professional. Fortunately, the other members left her alone and just sent her confused stares. But this wouldn’t go well for the long run. She has to do something. Anything.

But she couldn’t just tell Siyeon what she felt. If she did, everything would change and that wouldn’t end very good. She can already see the painful mess before her eyes. Her brain might really win.

“Do you hate me?”

Bora flinched at the broken whisper. She hadn’t seen Siyeon come into the room. Her body went into panic mode, she wanted to run. Far, far away from this conversation that was hanging around them like thunderclouds before the storm.

“W-What?” Bora wanted to roll her eyes at herself for stuttering. For not being able to keep her nerves out of this. Her stare glued to the ground.

Siyeon sighed and took a few steps forward, slowly cornering Bora. “Why do you avoid me so much? You can’t even look me in the eyes anymore. Is it because you hate me? Because I can’t find another reason and this is killing me, Bora.”

Her voice was shaking and tired. But not sleep deprived tried, rather tired of walking on eggshells and that big elephant in the room.

“No! Of course, I don’t hate you,” Bora had to keep her eyes off Siyeon who came closer than she wanted. “It’s just… ah, I don’t know.”

With the close distance she couldn’t think straight and of another lie to tell the younger. And the latter knew what she was doing. Siyeon kept moving forward until she trapped Bora against the counter, but, to their dismay, still didn’t touch her.

“What is it Bora?” Her voice deeper than normal.

The older dared to glance up. She realized quickly that it was a mistake when she saw how dark Siyeon’s eyes shone in the moonlight. There was something unreadable in them. They resembled that deadly look of hers she wore on stage and it made Bora’s stomach drop.

“It’s nothing.” She lied. “Please let me go. We need to sleep. It’s late.”

Siyeon didn’t seem to take her excuse. “No.”

Bora couldn’t look at her but she felt the other’s eyes burning on her. She didn’t want to tell her the truth, but it was hanging on the tip of her tongue. There was just so much on the line, why couldn’t Siyeon’s stubborn mind just see that?

“Is it because of that kiss and that stupid game?”

Bora’s eyes dart directly into Siyeon’s. Her heart stopped and with it everything stilled for a moment. The dull buzz from the fridge stopped. The cars on the street downstairs stopped. The annoying ticking of the kitchen clock stopped. She saw her eyes getting sadder at her reaction. Tears on the brim of running.

“So, yes.” Siyeon concluded. “Look, I didn’t mean to make it awkward. If you’re disgusted by me, I understand but please tell me what’s up and don’t just ignore me. I know saying all of this out loud will ruin everything, but I can’t do anything against my feelings and I don’t need you to accept them or anything but please tolerate me at least-“

Her body moved before her mind could process what Siyeon just confessed. The next thing she knew, she tasted those perfect and soft lips again. The ones she dreamed of for so long. The ones who kept her awake at night for longer than they should. And Bora felt anything but disappointed. The world clicked into place and started spinning again.

After a second, she felt Siyeon respond and move against her. The older couldn’t hold back anymore. She lost her hands in Siyeon’s messy hair and pulled her closer. The kiss was needy and not really romantic like Bora wished a first kiss would be like but at the moment she couldn’t care less.

At some point, Siyeon’s hands found her waist and she pressed Bora into the countertop. The second their hips touched and Bora felt the pressure of the stone digging into her lower back, both moaned into the kiss. It was hot and messy and by the time they parted to gasp for air, both were panting each other’s names like a prayer. Their cheeks flushed bright red.

“I’m sorry,” Bora breathed close to Siyeon, still feeling dizzy. “I wanted to do that for so long but after that accidental kiss I got scared to ruin everything.”

Siyeon moved a bit away to get a better view of the older and shoot her a satisfied grin. Her hands wandered further down to Bora’s thighs and the older had to hold back another moan. This was everything she wanted and more. The younger felt so good against her skin and she couldn’t deny herself the feeling any longer. Her heart won.

With a swift move Siyeon lifted her up on the countertop and their lips met again. Bora instantly opened her legs for the other to stand in between. She might has just fulfilled one of Bora’s fantasies and the older has hardly enough strength left to shut herself up. Some things might be talked about later.

“Well, I’m glad we got that figured out then.” Siyeon whispered close to her ear and Bora shivered. There was just something so thrilling about the younger being all confident and sexy, it turned her on even more. “I really like you Bora. I have for a while now.”

The dancer watched her disbelievingly as if it was the most ridiculous thing she said the whole week. “You do?” She asked, biting her lip.

Siyeon only nodded and kissed her. This time the kiss was more sensual, conveying deeper feelings and emotions. Bora loved every second of it.

“I like you too.” Bora breathed between kisses.

The last thing Bora sees in her little road down memory lane is how happy she smiled at Siyeon and both went into the next kiss, tightly holding each other in the darkness of the kitchen. Bora wanted to curse at her brain, she could practically still feel Siyeon on her lips and smell her addictive scent.

“I would tell my younger self to stop being so scared of consequences and just do what I love.” She says out loud after checking if they are still on that question. “I think I missed out on a few things and I could’ve avoided a bit of pain or hardships at some point.”

Chapter Text

“Did you date while being in Dreamcatcher?” Yoohyeon reads the next question.

Siyeon’s stomach drops. This is getting personal, should she really tell the truth and expose everything? Even if it was for their fans’ closure, she wasn’t sure if that wasn’t a bit too private. But before she could think about it, Yubin answered in a cool and unbothered tone.

“Yeah we did. I believe most idols date, right?” She looks along the row in the stunned faces of her ex-members. They never really revealed such private things to the public. For various reasons. This interview seems to go different than all those others before, but that was to be anticipate.

“Well, some have a dating ban and others just don’t find the time, but despite all of that, why wouldn’t you date? To be clear, companies want to make as much money as possible, and when their artist date, it changes their image. Lots of fans dislike the thought of their favourite idol dating. Therefore, you probably won’t be informed about most relationships and companies prevent from dating.” Minji is the first to explain further.

“You can’t really keep idols from falling in love, we’re all just love-craving humans like everyone else. But like Minji said, it’s a really difficult topic, far too complex to really get into detail now.” Yubin clarifies, her face serious. “To cut it short, our company never really restricted us from dating and just gave us some guidelines so we won’t lose focus.”

With no manager giving them signs to stop talking or a company to request cutting certain parts of the video for their sake, Siyeon’s ex-member seem to let loose. It terrified her. But on the other hand, Siyeon can only imagine the attention all of this will receive from fans and people curious about the truths behind their masks. Was it worth it though?

“As long as it doesn’t affect your work and news-sites like dispatch don’t find out, everything should be fine.” Bora says almost bored. A moment of silence. Siyeon doesn’t dare to make eye contact with anyone but the camera. She makes a good show of not realizing the situation and ignoring Bora’s stare on her. She can’t let anyone see how her feelings are scratching at the inside of her throat, begging to be heard just once.

Yoohyeon’s awkward chuckle breaks the atmosphere. “Right. But why is it so controversial if people date who they want to? Nothing wrong with humans loving humans.” She pouts at Minji, leaning her head on the latter. Yoohyeon plays with the paper of the question in her hand. Siyeon can practically see her thoughts. “I really don’t get it.”

Siyeon shifts uncomfortably on her seat. This topic was exactly what she wanted to avoid. Bora’s eyes told her the same. The others seem to be fire and flame to fight social wars about dating and the respect of privacy. Yoohyeon looks rather cutely like a sad puppy who doesn’t understand why someone would take their favourite toy away, while Minji next to her is the complete opposite. The oldest still had that protective mindset, Siyeon notes.

“That’s something I never really understood,” Minji says, frowning. Her voice raw with emotion but stable with authority. There aren’t many times that Siyeon can think of, when the leader lost her kind composure. “Why would it be a scandal, if idols date? What we do in our private life is just the same as everyone else. It’s something nobody but those involved should be concerned about. Why is there such a strong need to publicize everything? If someone wants to go public with their relationship or private life, then so be it, but it’s not a necessity. You can’t just invade someone’s privacy only because they’re a public figure.”

“Most of the time we don’t even get a say in it, when some news-site disturbs our privacy.” Yubin adds and the rest nod in agreement.

Siyeon isn’t sure how to progress her ex-members’ words. It’s been so long, yet it feels like especially Minji isn’t over it. Siyeon couldn’t blame her. The industry is even to this day a bit difficult to handle with topics like dating. A few times a year news of a new couple make the round and every time Siyeon wants to slap the person responsible for exposing and making it harder for everyone involved.

“Exactly.” Minji takes a deep breath and glances at the other women. “I mean, I get that this is a job, where you put so much of you out there. But there has to be a line somewhere.”

“We hardly got any time really to ourselves.” Gahyeon explains to the camera. “And if we need to spend that time stressing over the fact that someone is watching our every step or taking pictures of us from every angle, that is tiring and exhausting.”

Siyeon doesn’t say it out loud, but she agrees. All those days stressing over everything someone might not like about her outfit that day, a perfect smile or anything along those lines exhausted her more than she would want to admit. At the end of Dreamcatcher and when she had more freedom as only Lee Siyeon, she realized what consequences it brought to share everything.

Minji gets her attention away from her thoughts and back to the room. “I think at the beginning, like just a few months into our debut, we had a bit more space.” She looks at the girls again as if to confirm her statement, “People weren’t focussing on us so much so we could walk more freely outside and stuff like that.”

“Good times.” Handong chuckles. “But coming back to the dating topic, it’s really interesting to see how couples in the same industry try to avoid getting caught. Like if you know they’re together, it’s obvious for you and their little stares at award shows or smooth words in interviews seem so noticeable. It’s hilarious.”

Siyeon’s stomach turns. Why was she saying things like that when she knows exactly what happened in the past? This is Handong’s never ending savageness, Siyeon reasons, nobody will follow it back to them.

Gahyeon on the other hand, laughs delightfully. “We knew of some, if not most, of the couples with a girl-group member because we somehow were connected like that. It was really funny to see how most didn’t get exposed.”

“Yes, like some things were so obvious.” The two women seem to have found the perfect topic to gush about and turn to each other. “Even if we did lots of fan service and skin ship, you don’t spend twenty-four seven with one particular member, kiss them like it’s nothing or say you’re married or things like that. Nobody can fake or deny real chemistry.”

Not subtle at all. Siyeon wants to curse at the two for making it so obvious. Of course, they are right, but that doesn’t give them the right to out anyone’s past or present relationships. Talk about not getting caught.

“Those who dated will not be named though.” Yubin quickly steps in, eyeing the innocent smiles from Gahyeon and Handong. “I think there are some things that should stay private and in the past.”

At the mention of the past, Siyeon feels herself being pulled back again. She still isn’t sure if she should love or hate that feeling. She couldn’t get a clear glance at Bora before her memories flash before her. She would really want to know what the other woman feels. If she remembers those moments like Siyeon does or if she just spaces out while the topic comes to speak. Suddenly Siyeon hears her own voice.

“God, you look so cute,” Siyeon sighed happily as she looked at Bora.

They were on their first official date and Siyeon took them to the zoo because she hoped to see fluffy animals and maybe some wolves too. She bought Bora one of those animal headbands with cute giraffe ears and horns sticking out on the top. Siyeon herself was adoring a matching wolfish headband. The smile Bora gave her was worth all the money she spent and more.

Bora chuckled softly and pulled Siyeon’s hand, “Let’s go, you’re blocking the way and the animals are waiting!”

Siyeon knew Bora wanted to deflect from her blushing cheeks and so she let herself be dragged across the path. The weather was beautiful sunny and not too hot, a perfect day for a first date, Siyeon thought, even mother nature must be on their side. She was nervous at first, to finally take Bora on a date and get a chance to be with the wonderful girl she had a crush on for far too long. Although, once she saw the older woman with a map of the zoo and her little backpack, navigating the two of them to the best spots, all of her nerves instantly subsided.

Bora dragged her out of the entrance and hesitantly let go of Siyeon’s arm. The latter barely hiding her disappointment, wanted to reach for her hand again but Bora used both hands to get a better look at the map. They stopped for a moment and Siyeon turned to the older. That pout on her lips would stay there as long as it took Bora to notice.

When the dancer was about to go on with new found energy, she realized that Siyeon wasn’t moving forward. She glanced back and her eyes fell on that pout. Puppy eyes stared back at her. Her composure almost crumbled and she had to remind herself of the others around. Otherwise she might had kissed her date in the middle of the zoo with everyone gawking.

“Look who’s being cute now.” She cupped Siyeon’s cheek softly. “What’s wrong, Singnie?”

Siyeon only frowned more and held her hand between them, palm up. Bora glanced down and smiled. She took the silent request and put her hand in the younger’s. Her own seemed so small on top of Siyeon’s, it made both of them smile shyly. It made Siyeon feel fuzzy, her heart beating uncontrollably.

The two of them couldn’t get rid of their grins or the glim in their eyes the whole way through the park. Like little children they ran from fence to fence, wanting to catch the best view of each and every animal. Their hands only letting go of the other when really needed. Once the women reached the enclosure of those smaller animals that are allowed to be petted, Siyeon knew they won’t move forward anytime soon.

Bora and her were equally amused by the kids petting and naming the bunnies as they were from the guinea pigs running for their lives. Some goats looked at them weirdly when nobody gave them attention nor food. Bora had food in her backpack but she said she’d only share with Siyeon. The younger repeatedly reminded her of that promise later on when Bora almost got weak at those puppy eyes she received from the flock of hungry four-legged -mammals. Siyeon was sure that the pout would be her new favourite weapon against the older.

They sat on one of the benches outside the fences and devoted some of their snacks when Siyeon started with her animal facts. Some more interesting and funnier than others but Bora was impressed nonetheless. She wouldn’t need to know that Siyeon googled facts beforehand and wasn’t just an all-knowing genius.

“If you would shave guinea pigs, they would look like tiny hippos.”

Bora choked on her food and stared at Siyeon weirdly. The latter just continued to calmly eat her sandwich, turning back to watching those families passing by as if she didn’t just propose to shave little animals for fun. At the ridiculousness of it, Bora had to laugh. Loud as ever. Some parents frowned at them weirdly but neither cared and Siyeon couldn’t hold back her own laughter. They were in their own little world, with their own weird dynamic, only they could ever understand.

-

The otters were about to get food when the two arrive at the enclosure. As the guide Bora pretended to be, she needed to adapt her plan because by the time they should’ve already been at the next attraction, they just started to giggle at the cuteness of the otters trying to stuff as much fish in their mouth as they could possibly carry. Neither really cared for how long they actually stood there and enjoyed their time together.

“Did you know, otter hold hands while they sleep so they don’t drift away from each other?” Siyeon asked and linked their own arms tightly.

“Naww that’s actually really cute!” Bora whined and clung to the younger. “I wanna be an otter too.”

-

“Don’t be scared,” Siyeon told Bora at the lion cage. The older was equally scared as she was impressed by the majestic animal marching their way. She happily acknowledged the high walls and that little water ditch. Bora strongly wants to believe that lions can’t swim nor climb, so they should be all good.

“Statistically, the most dangerous animal is the mosquito. It causes the most deaths with all those diseases it brings.”

Bora studied Siyeon’s calm face. “So, no need to be scared of lions, right?”

“Exactly.”

Siyeon turned to her and the arm around Bora tightened. The younger hopes she can convey some of that safety Bora usually brought her. Even thought both knew that there was no need to be actually scared, it was nice to savour that feeling of being so close.

“I don’t think this is how you prevent someone form being scared of lions, Singnie.” Bora put her head against Siyeon’s shoulder and took a deep breath.

“Well, we made it though.” Siyeon told her after she slowly navigated them away from the predator’s cage. “Still scared?”

“No. Not with you here.”

Siyeon couldn’t see Bora’s blush and only feel her own cheeks flaming. Her heart skipped but she didn’t mind one second. This would become the norm with Bora close to her.

-

“Oh, I have one too.” Bora spoke up after a listening to Siyeon rambling out a lot of facts about wolves she didn’t need to look up.

“A fact?”

The older nodded. Their eyes met in a deep stare, neither wanted to be the first to look away. “I read somewhere that wolves stay together for life with their mate. Isn’t that astonishing?”

Siyeon already knew that, but she reacted like she didn’t. Unconsciously, Siyeon’s hand wandered to stroke Bora’s red cheeks softly. She got lost in her fascination of Kim Bora but she still felt her leaning into the touch. They didn’t need to say anything or explain what that tension between them was. They knew.

She needed to remind herself of their surroundings again and moved away a bit. The other woman didn’t seem to mind too much and busied herself with searching for more snacks in her bag. From the bench they currently rested on, they could overlook a large playground for kids, the big wolf cave and a few other animals in the distance.

The younger really had to restrain herself from laughing at the kids who ran across the playground to get their parents attention or demonstrate their speed to the other children. There was one little human, about to throw a tantrum because he lost some race, that Siyeon found particularly entertaining to watch.

She could feel Bora’s stare on her so she turned to her with a soft smile. The other had something unreadable in her eyes that Siyeon was really curious to find out.

“What?” she asked after Bora made no attempt to look away.

Her smile widened and she hummed, shaking her head. “Nothing.”

She was still staring. Siyeon fully turned to her. She knew when there was more to Bora’s thoughts. “No, tell me.” She whined.

Bora chuckled and leaned against Siyeon, finally breaking their eye contact. “I was thinking about how you act with children. You maybe shouldn’t openly laugh at them. Especially when their parents are around. But other than that, I think they would like you.”

“Have you seen children? How can you not laugh at them?”

“Siyeon!” She would gladly take that punch in her arm again if it meant Bora would smile like that again. She also rolled her eyes and moved to look at her again, but that wasn’t the point.

“I’m joking, god.” Both laugh. “But just look at them.” She points at the playground. “They can barely walk and yet want to show the whole world want excellent sprinters they are.”

“And you think the best reaction to that is laughing?” Bora chuckled confused. “Why did I fall for such a weirdo?”

Indignant Siyeon moved away further and scoffed at Bora. “Hey!” She looked at her sternly but it only lasted seconds. She couldn’t really be angry at the older when she met her eyes with such a soft look that held more love than Siyeon would have ever dared to dreamed of.

“I can be nice and not weird if I want to! But it really is your own fault that you like me.”

Bora laughed again and pulled Siyeon closer again. She rested her head on the younger woman’s shoulder and sighed contently. “You are more than nice and I like you how you are, my little weirdo.”

For a moment both just watched the playground. Siyeon’s eyes follow the kid from before again. He must have hooked other children into his games and now a bunch of toddlers were running in circles, eventually falling into the sand from exhaustion and dizziness. Siyeon could feel the woman on her arm move a little. She was confused until she heard a supressed giggle.

When the children got dictated by the first kid to run into the water fountain to their left, Bora’s giggles slowly got louder. The water only shot out of the ground every few minutes to avoid flooding the whole playground. But the kids didn’t care. With pants lost somewhere next to their parents, little toddlers were chanting at the ground to spit out new water. It was a sight Siyeon never knew she needed to see, but it was hilarious in its own way.

Once the little sorcerers succeeded, two minutes went by and the air filled with loud screams of children running from the water. One of them might have not made it in time and got soaked from head to toe. That was when Siyeon felt Bora shaking and certainly heard her loud laughter.

“Hey! No laughing at little children!” Siyeon tells her, smirking how the tables have turned.

They took way too much pictures that day, posing with almost every animal and gesture they could think of, but according to Bora there would never be too many pictures. A few of them still ghost in their group chat that Siyeon is too scared to delete just like everything she still keeps on that one hard-drive in her office drawer.

Siyeon slowly wakes from her trance. As an afterthought she remembers how the two of them came home that day, drunk on laughter and the night sky filled with love. Only later she realized that their date was free from any thoughts about work, paparazzi or the fact that Korea isn’t as accepting as it should be. For once they could feel free from everything that was stressing them on a daily basis. And Siyeon felt so alive and so in love.

Chapter Text

The next question is for Gahyeon to read when everyone calmed down from the previous topic. “Did you ever break rules and were caught on camera or by a member?”

Was not going on a date with one of your members a rule? Bora hates how it is the first thing that comes to her mind after the third excurse her brain did. The second thing is how she used to act around Siyeon and speak about her in interviews. Who didn’t break the rules though? Everyone was sneaking out at some point to meet friends, secretly drank alcohol or something along those lines.

“We didn’t really have that much rules we couldn’t obey.” Yoohyeon informs. “Like doing drugs or smoking was never something any of us did or consumed.”

Of course, their minds would think of something more reasonable and logical than Bora and her ex-girlfriend. She really has to fight the urge of rolling her eyes at herself.

“And well, we did several videos of us drinking alcohol, so that probably doesn’t count.”

Minji clears her throat, swiftly glancing at the others. “I did have to play mom a few times to not get you in trouble though.”

Bora doesn’t really want to admit it, but Minji wasn’t wrong. Besides covering for her and Siyeon, the older tried her best to protect the group from everything. If they would be late, it wasn’t because they overslept due to exhaustion but because Minji forgot something insignificant in the dorm. When they would have to answer tricky questions, Minji would respond before anyone else could. More than once she bought more food after hard days for the members on a diet, claiming it was for herself when a manager asked. She really lived and breathed for Dreamcatcher.

“I think I also have something!” Handong declares. Everyone looks at her expectantly. “It’s not really a rule or something bad, but there were times we caught each other checking other members out.”

Bora gulps. Not this again, she thinks. She really wants to smack Handong’s arm but she knows she would just be teased about it as it’s practically an outing itself. She was definitely guilty but she wouldn’t just admit that. Not like she was the only one. Siyeon did plenty of checking out too. And Minji too. Well actually everyone did.

“We know each other for so long and seeing them grow into the attractive women they are today is really great, I think we can all appreciate beauty when we see it.”

Various noises of agreement approve of Minji’s statement. They used to very openly declare how attractive or good someone looked, that it now would be weird to decline it ever happened. It would be impossible anyways, she saw how most of their fans thought about it.

“There is one interview or show were one member did something cute that made another sulk because she didn’t get as much attention from that first member as she wanted.” Cruel as Handong naturally is, she nudges Bora’s side. By now it was clear about which incident she talks. Bora wants to get swallowed by earth itself. She covers her face with her hands and turns away.

“She really wanted to have all of that member’s cuteness to herself. And that was caught on camera.” Handong smirks at the other women and then into the camera. Oh, how Bora wants to smack the shit out of her.

As if certain videos with her and Siyeon in them don’t get enough attention already, Handong always has so meddle. Sometimes, on very rare occasions, Bora was happy about that meddling. But most of the time, she wants to die of embarrassment because the younger shouldn’t catch her being so whipped for the main vocal.

Bora drowns out the comments from the other women. “I don’t even know why I reacted like that. Really!” Oh, she knew exactly why. And the other members probably did too.

As everyone laughs at her, Bora is remembered why she wanted to be in front of the cameras in the first place. It was one of her favourite things in the world, to make others happy and if it was because of her silly jokes or wild loudness, she wouldn’t mind. She wouldn’t hold back. Not like she is right now. Somewhere along their disbandment, she felt her energy slowly leaving. Bora hadn’t really been in a mood to make anyone laugh at her expense. It all felt wrong.

She went into this interview, knowing their dynamic changed. It’s weird but they all matured and grown up. Change is inevitable. Bora’s throat tightens.

Not like Bora would want it any other way, right?

Hearing the others talk, she tries to get back to the question at hand. Bora has to at least pay attention if she isn’t going to be as loud and wild as in the past. So, if she really has to think about it, she really got caught exactly three times. And all three times with Siyeon.

The next flashback is almost predictable when she starts to think about the past more intensely. It brings her back to the first time. Dreamcatcher was on break after a long period of promoting and everyone decided to use their time to travel back home. Everyone except Siyeon and Bora. The two had yet to tell the others about their relationship but decided to hold it back for a few more weeks. For a few more weeks they wanted something they could fully call their own without anyone’s judgement or meddling.

So once the last member set off to their parents or relatives, the two could finally relax in each other’s embrace without a trace of worry.

They were currently watching some drama Bora couldn’t care less about. Normally she gave all of her undivided attention to the drama she was watching, especially those she specifically chose. But normally, she wasn’t so closely pressed up against her girlfriend, whose hand was slowly making its way under her shirt. Not that Bora complained, she had lost count how many times she had seen that movie.

She really tried her best to focus on the screen and not those warm hands that held her tight. Siyeon’s fingertips slowly and softly graced her skin on the left side of her belly. Bora wanted to meld on the spot. She could feel herself relaxing under the touch while simultaneously getting warmer and warmer. The skin Siyeon caressed felt like set on fire. Her breathing got heavy. But Bora didn’t want her to stop. She felt silly for getting too worked up about something so minor, but it was Siyeon. And Siyeon would always turn her on, no matter how.

She eventually lost herself in the random patterns the younger drew and closed her eyes. Her back was resting against Siyeon’s front, so she wouldn’t realize Bora wasn’t actually paying attention to the drama but rather relishing the warmth and love between them. With the other members in the dorm, they didn’t want to make it too obvious and stick to one another as often as they would’ve liked. But this was okay. More than okay. Because they were alone in the dorm and could freely do whatever they like. She really couldn’t think of anything she loved more than those quiet, intimate and loving moments with her girlfriend. Well maybe there was one thing. But she wouldn’t ask for that now.

A chuckle broke her from her daydreams. “Aren’t you paying attention to the drama you begged me to watch?”

Bora let her head fall back onto Siyeon’s shoulder, snuggling closer into the warmth. “I’m totally watching.”

“Sure.” Siyeon grins and pecks her girlfriend’s temple. “But you normally react to the way the main couple breaks up. You didn’t even once curse at that man.”

At the mention of the scene, the older opened her eyes to confirm her girlfriend’s statement. Siyeon was right. She always reacted to the crying girl on the screen, no matter how often they had seen that drama. Bora can’t watch pretty women cry.

“I reacted!” She protested weakly. “You just didn’t see it because you’re too distracted by having your hands all over me.”

“Oh, of course.” The grin was evident in her voice, Bora didn’t even need to turn around. She felt Siyeon’s hands wander further and suppressed a shiver. The younger made good use of her mouth against Bora’s ear and neck, caressing every spot she could reach from behind. Her hands explored the skin underneath them, knowing fully well what effects she had on the other.

Siyeon’s trail of kisses lead Bora to turn around and connect their lips with need. The drama long forgotten. Despite the kiss being so oddly desperate and needy, the older woman still felt that calm and reassuring gentleness that clung to Siyeon’s lips like a blanket shielding them from everything bad.

She shifted in Siyeon’s lap until she straddled her. Almost immediately hands found her strong thighs, stoking them up and down slowly. Bora softly moaned into the kiss at the contact and her own hands found Siyeon’s collar. Her fingers played with the first buttons but when she couldn’t get them to open, she moved to her neck and brought her even closer.

Electricity cursed in her veins, making her fingertips tingle. Bora suddenly felt more energy in her body than she had the whole week. It was a strange but satisfying feeling.

As much as she couldn’t get enough of Siyeon’s full lips, Bora moved downward. Her lips followed the trail of her fingers along the burning skin until she found one of her favourite spots. Siyeon’s low sighs almost got swallowed by the still running drama in the background but Bora was close enough to drink in every drop of the sound.

The younger woman could make many pretty sounds and Bora loved them all, but this was one of her favourites and it only took her a little extra care at the area around Siyeon’s pulse point. Bora knew what those deep and low moans meant. Siyeon was at a point she couldn’t hold herself back anymore. She loved to hold back too often, tease the older while she is at it, Bora thought, it took her a while to fully let go but Bora never backed down from a challenge.

Satisfied to have gotten such response from the woman under her, Bora wanted to give Siyeon everything she deserved and more. Fuelled with adrenaline, her hands had a mind of their own and worked down her girlfriend’s sides. She barely gazed her breasts but Siyeon arched into the touch anyways. It made Bora find the others lips again. She couldn’t be away from them for too long.

She grumbled into Siyeon’s mouth when she still couldn’t open her button-up shirt. Her hands shaking just a bit too much to fiddle with the buttons. Siyeon didn’t seem care, her nails dug into Bora’s hips just enough not to hurt but firmly press her close.

“Fuck.” Siyeon took a second to realize what Bora did when she heard something being ripped. The older woman sat up a bit at the interruption and let her lungs fill with air again.

“Baby, as hot as that was,” Those deadly, blown out eyes stare at her, “It was also my last good shirt.”

Bora tilted her head mischievously, not one ounce of regret in her bones. “Why were you wearing it while watching TV?”

Siyeon smirked at her, “Do you expect me to wear nothing at all?”

“Sometimes.” Bora hummed, “Much more convenient.” She really wanted to soak up the view, Siyeon all dishevelled, her shirt ripped to the sides and her chest widely exposed. But she also wanted to continue what she started.

“Wait.” A hand on her shoulder stopped the older from continuing to kiss down her exposed collarbone. Bora looked up at her questioningly. “I really need new clothes by tomorrow at the latest and when we continue this, I really don’t have anything to wear.”

The other woman groaned in frustration and hid her face in Siyeon’s neck. She knew the younger could feel how turned on she already was but the stores are only still open for a few hours. If they continued, god knows there wouldn’t be time to think about going shopping.

“Please, baby.” Siyeon hugged the smaller one closer, savouring their warmth. “We’ll continue once I have new shirts for you to rip, okay?”

“Do I get to choose what you buy? Can I help you try it on?” Bora couldn’t help herself but imagine how Siyeon would comply to her wishes and wear anything she wanted. It wouldn’t be easy to keep her hands to herself in public but she has to all the time anyways, so she will surely survive a shopping spree.

“I have the feeling, if I say yes, we will be shopping forever but sure. Why not?”

---

“How about this one?” Bora held a black, long sleeved top in the air.

“You’re oddly serious about this.” Siyeon said. She felt Bora’s eyes on her while she undressed but the older didn’t move from her spot at the front of the fitting room. They have been at this for a while now and Bora was a great help if she didn’t want to devour Siyeon in every outfit she enjoyed every now and then.

She scoffed and met Siyeon’s eyes in the mirror. “Of course, I want my girlfriend, who is a public figure, to have nice clothes. Do you want me to be all over you? I’m not some pervert.”

The younger didn’t say anything and just looked at her reflection. Before Bora could compliment her, Siyeon spoke up again. “Could you get me this in a size smaller?”

Like the good girlfriend Bora was, she complied, knowing were they got that top from. However, once she got back, she wished she didn’t. The few minutes she was gone, gave Siyeon too much time to change into something far more dangerous for her heart than just a crop top.

“There was just one-”

Her breath stuck in her throat once she saw the outfit. It wasn’t her first time seeing Siyeon in a suit but her body reacted like it was. She changed into a black, tight fitting suit that seemed almost perfectly tailored for her. Bora froze when she realized that underneath the smooth fabric, Siyeon wore nothing but teasing lingerie. She couldn’t decide if she wanted to panic with such a goddess in front of her or kiss and undress the hell out of her girlfriend.

“You think our fans would like this?” Her voice dripped with false innocence.

“Don’t you dare.”

She could see the smirk mocking her, but Bora’s eyes were still fixed on those soft abs and her inviting collarbone. “Dare what? I don’t think I can follow, baby.”

Bora met Siyeon’s eyes with a burning fury. She loved and hated the teasing games the younger liked to play because she would always fall for it. There was no way she would be able to focus nor keep her hands off her girlfriend once she wore this in public.

And Siyeon knew. She knew too well how Bora was crazy for her. Not like she was any different. She loved to test their patience, how long it would take Bora to give in and shove her against a wall. Which is why she choose this outfit.

Before Bora could make a move, Siyeon stopped her. This was a risky torture.

“You can’t.” Bora met her gaze, eyes burning with tension. Siyeon swiftly held a hand up and pointed at the thin walls around them. “Not here.”

Bora swallowed hard but her voice was still strained. “You have to be kidding me.”

Siyeon turned around and started to peel the suit off her body. Slowly and sensually because she knew Bora was watching every move. The older knew that this fitting cubicle was way too public and neither could keep their voice down enough for no one to notice. She tried to unclench her fists. She also knew that she couldn’t even kiss her girlfriend. Once she started, it would most certainly escalate. They had to at least keep some sort of decency.

The torture didn’t end there. Siyeon tried on a few more shirts until she was sure she had enough for now. Between trying on crop tops and long sleeves, Bora didn’t move. She sat in the corner of the small room and watched, only occasionally commented on the clothes.

To deflate the tension, they went for ice cream and a coffee after they had enough bags to carry. In the end, the day evolved into a nice little date, even though the tension never fully left the air around the two.

The moment they walk through their main door, Bora pushed Siyeon against it and kisses her deeply in a way she couldn’t before. She couldn’t possibly hold back anymore. There was too much pent-up frustration the whole day. All Bora could think about was loving Siyeon senseless and only stopping once exhaustion takes them over the edge.

If she would’ve let the younger at least put down her bags, they would’ve heard the voices from the living room and not jump in surprise when the sound was too close.

“You’re finally home! We’ve been waiting. Wait-” Bora detached herself from Siyeon and turned around, directly meeting Yoohyeon’s confused stare.

Bora froze. Somehow her mind registered Siyeon’s hand holding hers tightly but she couldn’t bring her body to react. So, she just stood there and waited for the other women to say something.

“Did you two just…”

She held her breath. Minji moved next to Yoohyeon and the four of them stared at each other. This is bad. They must look so messy, lipstick smeared and hair out of place. The couple had no intention to tell the other members about their relationship yet and even more didn’t think they had to improvise like this. It bordered at one of Bora’s nightmares. How could she be so careless to forget when the others came back?

“Well… finally.” Handong mumbled too quiet for anyone to hear.

Minji took a step forward only to stop instantly when Bora flinched. She didn’t know why her body reacted like this, she had no control. And that was the worst that could ever happen to her. No control. The thought haunted her. Not that the other women would ever do anything or hate her for anything she did, but for her not being able to control her impulses or how others preserve her terrified her immensely.

She could see the Minji’s worried look, her instinct to protect roaring to life. “Hey it’s okay. Don’t worry, I understand. We all do.”

She felt herself returning Minji’s soft smile and caressing Siyeon’s knuckles with her thumb. Bora knew the younger feared the exposure just as much as her, especially in a country like South Korea, they never knew how others accepted them. It was all too much to worry and she just wanted to come home and cuddle with her girlfriend after a frustrating but funny afternoon of running around the buzzing city.

When the oldest moved towards them again, Bora could control her body. She let Minji hug her and melted at the touch. She never knew how much pressure would lift from her shoulders when telling their closest friends, there weren’t many secrets between them. None big like this. Bora buried her face in Minji’s embrace. Nobody needed to see her cry over something like this.

“I got you.” Minji whispered and Bora knew she calmed Siyeon just the same. “I’m always here for you and no matter what, I’ll always be on your side. We love you, okay?”

Bora nodded slowly, letting the words sink in. Minji eventually let go and carefully wiped her wet cheeks. Yoohyeon smiled at them in a way they had rarely seen her. For a second Bora imagined her eyes glistering but the younger looked away quickly, clearing her throat.

“Maybe we should all talk about this.”

The couple followed Yoohyeon to the living room, slowly trying to come to terms with what happened in the last minutes. Minji went to get the other members, who surprisingly all came back at the same day. Bora wanted to curse herself at her careless actions. She should’ve known when the others came back. She should’ve kept it together. Bora saw how tense Siyeon sat on the couch and reached for her hand to calm her down. It worked only partially but her girlfriend shot her a grateful look.

It was weird. More than weird. Their mood shifted completely. The whiplash from all those emotions in such a short time period had her head spinning. Siyeon probably didn’t feel any better but they put on a fairly good mask.

When they were all cuddled up and explained their relationship status, how it all came to be, the other women didn’t seem too shocked.

“You’re not surprised?” Bora asked carefully.

“Not really,” Minji smiles, “We know you guys for so long, there is no way we won’t notice such a change in behaviour.”

Yoohyeon threw a clumsy arm around Bora who tried to fight it at first. “We support you no matter what. Love is love!”

Siyeon cringed from all the attention and her friends’ words. “Why are you acting so much, it’s weird.” Everyone laughed at her whines and protests but the pile of limps and cuddles just tightened.

Somehow, Bora felt really happy that part of her family finally knew, but she was scared shitless of the other side of her family finding out. It reminded her how fragile their jobs were. One fan finding out, one camera catching them in a wrong moment and everything they ever worked for would fall to pieces.

“I’m scared.” She whispers into the night, almost hoping no one caught her. Part of Bora wanted the others to be louder so she could skip this conversation.

She felt Siyeon move slightly next to her. “Me too.”

The was a pause nobody wanted to break but everyone knew what the two were talking about.

“Do you think…” Bora didn’t dare to say it out loud. Her voice trembling slightly. “That it’s worth it? That we’ll make it?”

Siyeon shifted to meet her eyes. They look at each other for a moment. A silent conversation hanging in the air. She knew Siyeon felt like her home and she would let nothing come in between. But nobody ever knew what the future might hold. It was more than just scary.

“We can’t answer that for you.” Handong suddenly spoke. Her voice calm and steady. “But we’ve been through so much, your love should be the least of our problems. Even if you were to fight or break up, you’re both mature and professional enough to not let it get in your way.”

Bora felt herself smile. A warm fuzzy feeling starting to bloom in her chest.

“When did you become the captain of the ship?” Gahyeon poked to lessen the tension in the air.

That night was one of the most peaceful in the dorm. Bora felt so at home in Siyeon’s embrace, surrounded by her family in the safe walls of their apartment. It made her forget about all those prying eyes and loud opinions for a while. She wouldn't change this for the world.

Chapter Text

“Do you sometimes watch old videos or stages?” Yubin asks.

Siyeon doesn’t. She can’t watch those videos if she wanted to close that chapter and move on. Her eyes fall on Bora. She knows the older did back in the days. Siyeon tries to ignore the urge to relive their old days, so every time she was about to click on a video about them, she scolds and distracts herself with something completely different.

“I have to be honest,” Bora begins and Siyeon sucks in a breath, “I watched a lot of our stages back when we performed them. Mostly to see how to improve but also to just watch us have fun on stage.”

“Yeah,” Minji agrees happily. “I still watch those. It just makes me really happy to see my members.”

Siyeon wonders how the oldest is still able to see those videos and not feel nostalgic or break down in tears. Minji has probably other memories linked to those videos, not like everything they did was painful. Minji always had this love for Dreamcatcher that they all would tease her for and say she was their biggest fan. It is probably still true, Siyeon swallows hard.

Yoohyeon bounces with too much energy in her seat. “I’m really happy sometimes, that this part of our lives is so heavily documented. I won’t ever forget how much I loved it.”

They all fall into a cloud of nostalgia and reminisce some of their happier memories. From their debut to their first win on a music show. Playing in chaotic interviews. Dinners with their staff and probably one beer too many. Slow days after promotions filled with many blankets and a pillow fort or two so everyone could cuddle on the living room floor. Vlogs from their vacations and tours when they tasted the fresh air of freedom.

It’s nice to be reminded of those good memories once in a while. Dreamcatcher has been such a big part in their lives that she practically could see herself grow up in their videos. She could see all seven of them grow up and love more fiercely.

Before Handong could read the next question, one of the directors speaks up again.

“Good to see you have linked happy memories to your videos. Dami has probably already seen it, that question is a game-card. The following game is pretty easy, don’t worry. We will show each of you one of your most popular clips and that member will try to recreate it.”
The women look at each other and the three youngest seem to be happy about the twist. Siyeon feels like she has to do good. To show everyone, including their fans, that she still has her charm and can easily sit in front of cameras. Show Bora how far she came. Make her proud somehow that she sang and performed again.

“What does the winner get?” Gahyeon wants to know, bubbling with too much pent-up energy just like Yoohyeon. Siyeon can almost feel her excitement from the few seats away. Handong and Yoohyeon seem just as ready to win as the youngest.

The staff chuckles at the request. “How about a free meal of your choice?”

Gahyeon being the loudest with all of her excitement is insisted to go first. She stands up to go behind the camera to watch and receive her task. The video she has to recreate is from one of the ‘Scream’ stages back in 2020 and she gets a very similar duplicate of the original mask of her rap part. Without any struggle Gahyeon performs a short form of her part and ends the clip with one of her iconic cute smiles.

Yubin is also asked to perform. She delivers her part from ‘You & I’ flawlessly, not even the stick glides out of her hands. Siyeon is in awe. The two almost haven’t changed at all, still the same in front of the cameras. It may be the task of the game, Siyeon reminds herself, but the way both could perfectly remember the choreo and mirror their old movements is amazing. Siyeon is sure, she wouldn’t remember a single choreography if asked. She really prays she gets a different challenge.

Yoohyeon gets to show off her language skills and speaks one sentence in each language like she did a few years back in a different interview. In the end she talks more than she has to and tells the camera how she learned new words to impress a potential love-interest. The puppy would never stop learning and Siyeon is once again inspirited by her.

Next, Handong and Jiu are asked to dance their cover of ‘Troublemaker’. Siyeon once again hopes she doesn’t have to dance. Not that she hates dancing, but she hasn’t really danced for a long while, hating how it reminds her of the main dancer of the group.

Their chemistry seems to be never fading and still burning when they dance so closely. It was more playful and less serious.

Siyeon really doesn’t want to dance, especially such a sensual or sexy song. Her mind tries to think of what might be a popular video with her in it. Of course, she was known to be act cute and sexy a second later. Maybe she will have to bring out her famous baby-voice or recreate some of her funny facial expressions. That she could do. She had done it many times in interviews. So often that it could be boring for this one, but Siyeon hopes the director would go with boring.

Of course, they don’t.

She should’ve known when Handong and Jiu were asked to perform but she ignored that nagging voice at the back of her mind that knows exactly what her most watched clip on the internet is. Siyeon wouldn’t never admit it though. She is way too ashamed because she might have watched it a few times too many herself.

“The last one is for Sua and Siyeon. Please come forward.”

Siyeon’s heart stops for a beat. Fear dreads in her belly.

Of course, she gets paired with Bora. This isn’t going well. How is she supposed to act normal with the older woman? Generally ignoring her or not talking to her directly in the whole interview is acceptable. Manageable. But to no extent could she get close to Bora without her heart failing.

When she gets up, Siyeon tries not to stumble over the cords on the ground. She could nearly see how she would make a fool out of her clumsy self again. To prevent it, she holds her head a little higher. The director comes closer and holds something her way. All curiosity is blown away when she sees the label of the package. She knows before the video plays or anyone could even mention the game.

Pepero.

Of course, it’s that stupid game.

The one video of her and Bora practically kissing, that went viral on several queer spaces of the internet, is the one the staff chose for them to recreate. Now Siyeon really wishes to have a silly dance to do again, but no. She gets to kiss her ex-girlfriend again as if it’s the only skill she is capable of. The only thing their fans will see her for is one moment of showing affection. The urge to curse at the higher gods for misinterpreting her prayers intensifies.

She is really annoyed by now and it must show on her face because the moment she meets Bora’s eyes, her expression changes. Siyeon wants to say she hasn’t seen the slight disappointment but she knew Bora’s expressions too well. She quickly fakes a smile and with it come further nerves.

There are no chicken legs and neither is Bora squeaking with excitement or calling her nicknames. When they stand closer, both blush furiously and Siyeon hopes her make up covers enough. The others compensate for their silence with whistles and screams at the video that led them to confess years ago. Although every eardrum stays intact this time, they quickly reach their old volume.

She knows the last time they talked, Bora told her to stay away. She can’t anymore. Siyeon, in all helplessness, searches for Minji. She doesn’t want to hurt Bora again. She can’t. She’d rather out herself to the public than hurt her ex-girlfriend. The leader knew about her guilt, even if only partially. She was the only one Siyeon couldn’t avoid to convey her troubles to. Minji, however, makes no move whatsoever and just smiles back innocently with her head tilted for a silent encouragement.

“Maybe don’t bite my lip this time, yeah?”

Siyeon wants to joke, lighten the mood, because she can feel her own sweaty hands shake. Bora’s eyes fall on her lips for a split second and she just forces a smile like hers. Somehow, Bora suddenly got pretty close and positions her hand at the back of Siyeon’s head. She can still see the pain so clearly in Bora’s features. It hurt so damn much, but there is no turning back now. No matter how much she wanted to let her heart shatter to the ground, Siyeon has to hold on for a moment. Has to be professional.

It’s almost as of the roles were reversed. Siyeon takes charge and bites the stick held in front of them. Their eyes meet again. There is something unreadable in them and something Siyeon doesn’t want to read. She can feel herself and Bora tense at the distance. She is weirdly competitive at the moment. It’s just for the free food, Siyeon tells herself. It does make a good excuse if anyone asks why she so desperately rushes closer to Bora’s lips.

The moment is over before Siyeon can overthink it. They didn’t break their record with still one centimetre left but it definitely felt way less when Bora breaks away. A weird feeling makes itself home next to the butterflies. One Siyeon hasn’t felt for such a long time.

She wants more.

She wants Bora’s lips on hers. Bora’s arms around her. For that hand on her head to wander like it used to. For those eyes to hold their magical shine again. And so much more.

Her eyes forced to the ground she slaps a hand over her mouth. A by-stander must think it’s out of pure embarrassment from their second almost-kiss on camera and not due to the realization how good Bora felt. The older turns and almost runs back to her seat. Siyeon has no right to need more of Bora but her body doesn’t care. She feels sick. How is she supposed to get rid of her guilt and self-hatred when she gets put in situations like these? It feels impossible for Siyeon to move on.

Being so close to her made her brain dizzy and knees weak. But she feels so alive again. A rush of adrenaline and endorphins. Something set into place again when Bora was this close.

As if some magical creature listened, she watches the next flashback fade in when Siyeon sits down again. A time in her past when she wasn’t scared to get more. A time when she didn’t need to fear that she might hurt Bora because she did something selfish or stupid. A time she felt alive.

Wet strains of hair dampen her shirt when she stepped out of the bathroom after her shower. Deep silence was all Siyeon could hear. The others must have finally gone out for that movie they so desperately wanted to watch. Siyeon had already seen it and she hoped Bora would stay in with her. They could certainly use some alone time. Not like they held back much with others in the dorm, but still.

She enters the cosy living room and before she saw Bora, she heard her humming to some melody from their songs that played in the background. Siyeon walked slowly closer to see her girlfriend watching one of her fancams.

“Enjoying yourself?” a smug grin on her lips when she sat down near the older. Close enough so their shoulders could touch with the next movement.

Bora seemed startled for a moment but recovered quickly, hugging Siyeon’s arm closer. “Well, I mean look at you…”

Siyeon was big on the screen, dressed in a dark blue suit. She recognized their cover stage of ‘My House’ almost immediately. It was a really good performance and the younger understood why Bora was so keen about it.

“Do you always watch my fancams?” Siyeon’s voice was low as she leaned closer, “Don’t get enough from me?”

“I don’t get enough from you in suits or sexy covers, that’s right.” Bora chuckled.

Siyeon turned to Bora and let her eyes run over her. She got lost in her girlfriend’s features for a moment. Relishing how the dim light highlighted her nose and those cheekbones perfectly. Her slightly parted lips, still red enough for Siyeon to know she previously bit down on them hard. Her jaw a bit too clenched for Bora to look relaxed. Bora knew she was watched and she knew Siyeon could read every of her signs. Her leg bounced almost nervously as her eyes stayed glued to the TV.

“So, this is what you think of, when you miss me?”

Her voice was just loud enough for Bora to hear. She nodded without shame, “Yeah, mostly...”

The video ended soon after and Bora turned to look at her. The flickering lights stopped. Bora’s eyes, darker than before, held her gaze. There was a lot of tension in the room, but neither made a move, waiting for the other to go first.

“So, show me,” Siyeon smirked when Bora glanced downwards, “What do I do in those fantasies of yours?”

Within seconds Siyeon was pinned down on the couch. The air in her lungs left but her smirk didn’t, pleased whenever Bora took charge. She straddled her and quickly restrained Siyeon’s hands above her head with her own. Siyeon looked up to see eyes burning with desire. And it must have been one of her favourite views because she wanted nothing more than to light that fire, ready to get burned.

“Tell me, are you going to top me like this?” Siyeon really loved to play with fire. Gasoline was her favourite weapon. She could see it in Bora’s eyes how she was playing the scenario in her head, wheels turned.

“You’ll be wearing one of your tight outfits, like those suits that highlight your perfect body.” Bora bend down and breathed close to her lips before getting up. She let her gaze and a hand wander across Siyeon’s body. It shouldn’t be too hard to imagine a suit instead of her sweatpants and the tight shirt. Siyeon was comfortable under her eyes but her body still raged with anticipation.

When Bora’s eyes found Siyeon’s again, she lowered her body. Siyeon could barely suppress the sounds that almost escaped her throat at the satisfying weight. The older picked up on her shallow and uneven breaths. She grinned close to her ear. “I’ll have you pinned down like this. Against a wall, a table or the floor. Whatever is close.”

“Maybe someone will be in the next room so you’d have to be quiet.” Siyeon shut her eye tightly at the image in her head. Bora loved to hear whatever sounds she was making, it practically drove her on. However, they both also loved challenges and teasing the other to disobey or defy them.

Siyeon played along and focussed to stay quiet. She knew it would be torture, the moment she felt hot breaths and lips wandering on her neck. Lost in the sensation her body ached for more. And as if Bora read her mind, she slowly began to move her hips. Siyeon tried to match the painfully slow grinding with her own hips. But as soon as she did, Bora lifted herself up and detached her lips from Siyeon’s collarbone.

Siyeon chased after her lips with her own as best as she could. She lightly grazed Bora but a hand on her chest pushed her back down. The frown on her face seemed to amuse the older.
She looked down with a devilish smirk adoring those lips Siyeon couldn’t get enough of. All of her senses were on alert and waited for Bora’s next move. All of her undivided attention was on Bora.

“I think I’d like to hear you begging first though.” The corners of her lips lifted higher when her hips met Siyeon’s again. Siyeon sucked in a breath and bit on her lower lip. Bora let go of her arms and a hand travelled to Siyeon’s face. Her thumb gently released and caressed her red bottom lip. “No. I need to hear you beg.”

Overwhelmed with the light touch and those words, Siyeon’s mouth was faster than her mind. She wanted to keep her cool and not beg for her girlfriend’s touch, but all of that vanished quickly with Bora’s display of dominance. It did things to her, she would never admit out loud.

“Please, kiss me.” Siyeon dug her fingers into Bora’s sides in order to pull her down and hold her steady. There was no time for embarrassment, because she wanted more. She needed more. “Please, baby.”

Bora seemed pleased with the desperate plea for more and granted Siyeon her wish. The kiss was slow and gentle at first. Both wanted to savour the sweet taste of the other and get lost in the bliss. Siyeon is the first to deepen the kiss. Her tongue grazed at Bora’s bottom lip, asking for entrance. When Bora’s lips parted lightly, Siyeon wasted no time to take control over the kiss. She was skilled and she knew exactly what to do, what buttons to push, for her girlfriend to let out those sweet sounds.

After that, kisses turned desperate and rough as if they don’t have all the time in the world. Teeth met flesh and their minds lost to pleasure. At some point Bora seemed to regain her train of action and with it her dominance. She put more force into her kisses, devouring every bit Siyeon had to offer. They hastily took of each other’s shirts in the process.

“Mhm.” Bora hummed, pleased with the sight in front of her. Red, swollen lips and light bite marks from her teeth on Siyeon’s neck. She probably knew just by Siyeon’s fidgeting and squirming under her, how impatient she was. “I’ll hate that you look this good in a suit in front of the cameras and I can’t do anything about it.”

Siyeon’s eyes fluttered open and met Bora’s. She saw how Bora enjoyed this kind of roleplay, maybe they should try it more often.

“I’ll want you all to myself.”

The way the woman on top of her growled made her realize how wet her underwear already was. That confession seemed dangerous, but weirdly enough, it made Siyeon feel confident. She knew Bora would never let go of her. All they ever needed was the other and that fact calmed her.

“I am all yours.” She whispered back. And she meant it. A part of her belonged to Bora. Just like a part of Bora was hers.

“God, Siyeon.” Bora sighed lowly, eyes shut tightly. “You drive me crazy.” The younger reached up and kissed her with every emotion she could manage to convey.

But the throbbing between her legs didn’t stop. Quite the opposite. She felt on fire. The knot in her stomach told her to act. Her heart told her to let Bora have her moment.

“Baby.” It came out more like a whine. A whimper she wanted to suppress. The older hurried to find her gaze. “I really need you. Please.”

She didn’t need to be told twice. Bora moved her kisses downward. From Siyeon’s collarbone, to her breasts, removing her bra and throwing it somewhere to her right. She took her sweet time, knowing it would help build up her high, regardless of how long they actually had been at it for already. Siyeon couldn’t hold back sighs and moans when lips met the soft and delicate skin of her nipples.

“I’d take my time with you. Mark you wherever I want.” She sucked hard on the underside of her left breast and soothed it with her tongue. “Only we know it’s there. Our little secret.”

She felt Bora position herself between her legs and she shivered in anticipation. Bora drew her hands from Siyeon’s chest down to her stomach and eventually her thighs. After she checked in with the younger, she pulled down her sweatpants and underwear. The sight of Siyeon, naked and splayed out in front of her like this, made her just as wet as Siyeon already was. She kissed along the inside of her thighs and close to her core, but she never actually touched it. Arms held impatient legs in place and thumbs drew little circles on her hipbones.

“What else-” Siyeon was cut short when a moan left her throat as Bora kissed a good spot. The older stopped for a moment and looked up. Something so wild in their eyes, Siyeon took a deep breath. “What else will you do to me?”

Bora glanced down at Siyeon’s glistering wetness. With one finger she lightly brushed the pink skin, not letting herself get distracted by the younger’s desperate squirming. She withdrew her fingers and moved up to kiss Siyeon’s slightly parted lips, silencing the whine. Bora was rough but Siyeon did her best to match the pace.

“I’ll edge you until you can’t hold it back anymore and make you come in my mouth.” She murmured into Siyeon’s mouth and roughly inserted two fingers into her girlfriend. Siyeon’s mouth fell open and Bora took the invitation to let her tongue assert control. Sharp nails scratched down her back and deep moans were muffled.

She started off with a fast pace with her fingers and didn’t let up until she felt the younger tighten around them. She could feel the trembling of Siyeon’s legs and how soaking wet she was. Bora moved away to pay Siyeon’s breast attention again but not before making sure that her legs stayed spread apart.

Bora, just like she said earlier, brought Siyeon close to her high two times but stopped right before Siyeon could actually finish. It was a bit evil. Although deep down Siyeon enjoyed it. By the second time Bora got her close to the edge, a frustrated huff escaped her lips. The frown on her face made it clear to the older how she just wanted to finally reach her orgasm.

Bora had mercy. She wasted no time and dipped her face between Siyeon’s legs, straight to the source of her heat. Before she closed her eyes to the sensation, Bora saw how the eyes of the other woman rolled to the back of her head and felt her fingers curling into her messy hair, to hold on to dear life. Bora surely knew all of the good spots, Siyeon didn’t need to navigate her head. And when Siyeon came, it was with a cry of pleasure and an aching body, bending to Bora’s will.

“You feel so perfect.” The older soothed. She came up to lay halfway on top of Siyeon due to the little space left on the couch. Bora watched Siyeon’s breath even out and her blush fading out before she let the younger taste herself on her lips.

“I’ll make sure to wear more suits then.” Siyeon said, still a little breathless but completely satisfied to a point where she wasn’t sure to have ever felt so alive and full of love for one person only. With a smirk she asked Bora, “Want to watch another stage?”

From that day on, the couple loved to watch certain performances together. Not only because it might end in mind-blowing sex, more so because they loved to see the other in their element. And the stage was surely their second home.

Chapter Text

It didn’t matter how long or detailed the flashbacks were, in reality only mere seconds passed. While the previous ones only made Siyeon feel nostalgic and reconsider her feelings, the last one left her all hot and bothered. She crosses her legs. This is going to be painful and that annoying aching between her thighs doesn’t stop.

“Have you ever been jealous of something one of your members achieved or was it always just love?”

Minji and her diplomatic leader tendencies are first to answer Handong’s question. Siyeon guesses she has it in her blood by now to be the one answering difficult questions that could easily project a negative image on the girls. Not that any of them complained, they did a lot of stupid stuff, no fan should know about if they wanted to keep their more or less innocent façade. They are only humans after all. And the rules they should be playing by are for anyone but adult humans just wanting to live their life and make music. However, that was something all of them only realized later on.

“I don’t think we’ve ever been jealous of the achievements from one another. There might have been days when someone felt down and compared themselves to another member who had a better day, but I wouldn’t call it jealousy.”

Minji’s kind smile shows no sign of what they had been through. Like she can’t even remember the bad days and those fights in the end. All those hard training lessons and postponed activities, the pressure and the stress. Nothing showed on her face. It amazes Siyeon every time the leader spoke about their active time together with that never-wavering smile on her lips.

“Especially as trainees, it was hard to see someone being better at dancing or singing for example.” Gahyeon added more thoughtful than the oldest. Even if Siyeon hadn’t seen her in her trainee days, she would get a glimpse now, how hard it had been on the youngest. “If you’re not strong enough to get over it, that can really do something to your mental health.”

Siyeon trained for so long, to be where she is now. Or well was. They all had. To be on stage, dancing and singing to their songs. Of course, it never had been easy with all the contesters wanting to debut. It took a toll on her and her members and she would never forget that part of her life, good and bad.

“We’re a family and even if we don’t talk constantly or fight sometimes, there are no hard feelings. If we wouldn’t love each other as much as we did, we wouldn’t be standing here.” Bora says fondly and it’s the first time Siyeon feels like the second oldest really shows emotions in this interview, as if something has shifted. “I like to think that there is this special bond between us, that keeps us together.”

Family.

Did Bora really still feel that way?

Siyeon feels her heart tighten. It’s a nice thought. It had been so long since that word was used in this context. More than three long years of not getting to hear something she never thought she needed. Siyeon’s emotions were all over the place, not only from Bora’s words, and she could feel tears pricking at her eyes. She hopes no one notices.

But of course, Handong does. “Oh, is Siyeon unnie crying?!”

The others laugh and tease her while Minji throws Siyeon in a light side-hug. Siyeon shakes her head and quietly laughs at their antics. She will always be the cry-baby of the group and the others will always laugh with her. Some things might really not change and it was good for her heart.

However, it wasn’t the first thing that came to her mind when she heard the question. There was a time, and she can remember it clearly as if it was yesterday, when she was furious of jealousy. Of course, Bora was involved too and the flashback quickly fades in.

Siyeon didn’t register it as jealousy at first.

She sat on the couch, warming up the blanket for Bora to join her when the dancer’s phone went off. She wanted to ignore it at first, because she really couldn’t care less about some notification on her girlfriend’s phone. But it just wouldn’t stop interrupting her drama.

“Bora,” Siyeon called in hopes of reaching the older, who was preparing food in the kitchen. “Your phone is annoying!”

Luckily, Bora heard her and walked towards her, “Why? Is someone calling?”

“No.” The blonde turns to show the other her device, hoping her pout is clear in the little distance. “I think someone is just texting you constantly.”

Bora chuckled and walked into the kitchen again, but not before yelling over her shoulder for Siyeon to read the texts out loud.

The latter was baffled for a second. Of course, they knew each other’s passcode, not to mention saving one another’s fingerprint to make it easier, but she would never go and read her girlfriends massages. They respected each other’s boundaries. It was key to a good and functioning relationship.

With little hesitation she unlocked Bora’s phone and was presented to a ton of new messages. A few from someone Bora had saved as ‘Manager’ and another few where from their group chat. However, there was one unsaved number that texted her multiple times in the past minute.

Siyeon got wary but she read out loud as she clicked through the masses of letters.

[11:31 pm] Unknown Number:
Hello Sua-unnie~! I got your number from your Manager, I hope that’s okay.
So, when do you have time to meet?
I really like the song you suggested, I think we should stick with it!
How to we go about with the choreography?
What do you think about dividing it by half?
Anyways, I should let you rest probably, but I’m really excited to meet you, so sorry if I’m too much… ^^’
Oh, this is CLC’s Seungyeon by the way~ ^^

By the time Siyeon finished reading, Bora took her place right next to her, fighting with the blankets and getting comfortable. The younger opened her arms for Bora to snuggle closer and lay her head on top of her chest like she always did. Out of reflex, one of Siyeon’s hands moved to scratch the dancer’s head carefully, enjoying her warmth for a moment.

Siyeon loved nothing more than cuddling with Bora. The latter gave her so much love and butterflies, like nothing else. Not even on stage she felt so at home as she did when Bora was this close. They just fitted. No questions asked. Well, almost.

“So, what are you two planning?” Siyeon asked softly. She knew Bora almost never took time to breathe and always had to do something, different projects in the making, mostly dancing or other active sports. One of the few things they did not agree when it came to spending their free time.

She could feel Bora moving, her voice still muffled, “We’re doing this dance cover together, I told you about.”

Siyeon hummed in response, she remembered how happy she was when the older told her about the next cover and showed her the song. It was a rather sexual song, but Siyeon thought her girlfriend would just do it alone like her ‘copycat’ cover.

“Isn’t that a more sensual song?” Her tone still soft, Siyeon wanted to make sure Bora knew she had nothing against it. Not that Siyeon had any right to retain her girlfriend from doing sexy concepts, she was her own woman. It was just sometimes hard seeing Bora charming other people around her and she couldn’t do anything but watch with a fake smile.

She could feel Bora nod against her neck and Siyeon wrapped her other arm around her girlfriends back too. By now, the older fully laid on top of her, but Siyeon didn’t mind one second. She felt hands wandering softly at her sides and relaxed further at the touch.

After a while Siyeon broke the silence whispering, “Well aren’t you going to answer her?”

“She can wait, cuddles not.” Bora grumbled in response and tried to snuggle even closer. Siyeon was happy with that but she couldn’t stop herself imagining her girlfriend moving her perfect body to the chosen song. Her mind instantly filled with various thoughts of the older that never ended with anything innocent. How was she going to survive this?

As if she read her thoughts, Bora’s hands moved under her shirt and she whispered, “You could come watch, you know.”

And with that, a few days later, Siyeon found herself in one of the many dance rooms of Cube Entertainment, enthralled by every move of her deadly skilled girlfriend. She was unable to not-stare for longer than a minute. Bora always had this magnetic energy to her, it was nothing new, but it drew the younger in every time, making her fall even deeper in love.

Siyeon couldn’t even remember the last time she had to concentrate so hard, to not just run over to Bora, slam her against the reflecting walls and make her scream her name in pleasure. She really had to get her mind right.

Seungyeon was surprised to see Siyeon at first, but that wonder didn’t last long. All of Siyeon’s lust vanished as soon as she realized what kind of choreography the two main dancers wanted to prepared. There was no way this concept could be misinterpreted. The way Seungyeon touched her girlfriend. How Bora even motivated Seungyeon to touch her further. Siyeon couldn’t think straight.

She wasn’t in any place to feel possessive. It just wasn’t right, Bora was her own person and could do whatever she wanted with whoever she wanted as long as she wanted. Siyeon’s heart was heavy and beginning to speed. Why was breathing getting harder?

She was indeed happy for Bora to have found an equally wild person who loved to dance, shared the same taste in music and even phone cases. However, the irrational part of her mind told her to worry. She could never compete to Seungyeon when it came to dancing. Nor did she completely understand all the things they talked about, finally having found someone just as crazy about dancing who was into all the insides and latest trends. It was frustrating to say the least but Siyeon played it off, saying she got distracted by her phone to understand the context. Her fists clench around her phone.

Soon the two women let her be and Siyeon felt like a parent, supervising their children on a playground. Only occasionally being in their field of view when they wanted to show her some detail or her opinion on a certain move.

Siyeon felt weird. So out of place like an intruder. This wasn’t right.

Seungyeon’s hands on Bora’s hips should’ve been hers. That loud laugh should’ve been because Siyeon said something hilarious, not Seungyeon. The reason her eyes shone should’ve been because Siyeon complimented her moves or her brain. This was getting the best of her, Siyeon just wanted to be close to Bora, eventually touch her. Tell her how beautiful she looked.

When Seungyeon went out of the room for a short toilet break, Siyeon used the momentum. Bora couldn’t even move out of the way or stop the younger, before she was pressed tightly against one of the mirrored walls. A thigh between her legs and fiery eyes stared down on her. She gulped.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Bora smirked when she felt determined hands wander along her curves, braver than Seungyeon just did moments before. “Don’t like the show?”

She knew exactly how to push Siyeon’s buttons. It was her favourite hobby but she had yet to see the woman so furious. She got only a growl in response and Siyeon closed the distance to her neck, kissing every place she can reach. Bora shuddered in anticipation. Both knew how risky this was, they were practically still in public, but Siyeon’s mind and body didn’t listen for even one second.

Bora’s breathing came shorter. Siyeon felt her warm huffs and smirked.

“Jealous my little wolf?” Bora wouldn’t let Siyeon take the control instantly and teased that smirk off her lips. Someone could come in at any second, both totally aware, although neither stopped and stepped away. Siyeon had a wild look in her eyes. A storm brewing inside of her, but she didn’t care, had no time or drive to dwell on it. Instead, she just kissed Bora, memorizing her taste and reminding the older of what she was messing with.

Possessive but desperate lips claimed one another. Siyeon almost moaned at the taste and pressed her thigh closer into Bora who in response sighed quietly. They couldn’t have a full on make-out in one of Cube’s practise rooms. So after a while, they regretfully stopped and Siyeon fixed Bora’s makeup. Her eyes completely fixed on the dancer’s mouth. Those lips will be the death of her someday.

“Why did you want me here today?” Siyeon asked, her brows furrowed. “You knew how I would react.”

The smile that played along Bora’s lips turned sinister. “Of course. And I loved every second of it.”

Siyeon heard someone talking loudly right in front of the milky door. There wouldn’t be much time left until Seungyeon came back. She quickly detached herself from her girlfriend, but not before giving her one last, harsh kiss.

For the rest of the practise, Siyeon’s mood didn’t turn sweeter and this time, Bora noticed that something wasn’t right. When the two dancers wrapped their practise for the day, both agreeing that they shouldn’t overwork themselves, Seungyeon invited them to a little restaurant that just opened around the corner. The couple declined, saying they still had to drive back to the dorm and had food at home.

However, instead of telling their manager to drive them home, Bora told him to stop at a different restaurant. Siyeon didn’t know what the older had planned, but she was in no mood to argue. She rather stayed quiet the whole ride, only occasionally letting Bora take her hand and hum in response to her questions.

“Baby, are you okay?” Bora asked once they were seated in a rather quiet place. The diner was by no means big but could hold a few tables and still looked presentable. There were only a couple of customers so they didn’t need to worry about getting caught. “You seem out of it.”

Siyeon just shrugged and focussed on the menu. She wanted to brood over this for a while before confronting her girlfriend. She didn’t even know why she was feeling this way. She never really got jealous like this. It was jealousy, right? Her mind was a mess and all she could see was Seungyeon smiling at Bora while dancing so impossibly close, it made her angry.

“Talk to me, Siyeon. Is it because of the practise?” She didn’t look up but nodded shortly.

“I thought you liked watching me dance?” There was confusion laced in her voice. Wasn’t it obvious why she felt like this? Did she really have to say it out loud?

“Yeah, normally-” Siyeon looked annoyed at the things on the table. She took a deep breath and felt her eyes burning. This was foolish. “But not when I want to dance like this with you.”

Siyeon swiftly glanced up to read Bora’s reaction. Her eyes soften at her confession like something finally clicked and confirmed itself for her. “We can, baby.” She reached over the small table to interlace their hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. “We’ll dance to all the songs you want once we get home.”

“That’s not-” Siyeon couldn’t get it out. Her throat dry. This wasn’t about the dancing part, but Bora knew that. She didn’t have to tell her, she knew.

“You want to dance in public together. I know, me too.” Bora sighed and hung her head low for a moment. It was when Siyeon saw how tired she actually looked. The circles under her eyes and a dull expression in her eyes gave it away. It must have weighted on her shoulders just as much as it did on Siyeon’s, maybe even more. “Should I tell you a little secret? When Seungyeon and I dance, I picture that it’s you instead.”

Their eyes meet and Siyeon finally lets out a little smile. “Better?”

She would still need a little more time to calm down, but food and Bora’s smile were a good step in the right direction. “A bit, thank you.”

For the rest of that day and the following, she remembers how attentive Bora was and always made sure not to overstep her boundaries because she felt bad to not have taken Siyeon’s feelings too seriously. Siyeon apologized soon after, knowing she shouldn’t have overreacted like she did. Although Siyeon felt better after a while, something else, far more unsettling happened.

Someone must have seen the two out that night. A blurry picture was shared on social media, claiming to be Dreamcatcher’s Sua and Siyeon. Luckily, it didn’t reach news or too much attention for the company to handle it, but fans speculated like crazy. They set off theories as to why their hands were interlaced, explaining Siyeon’s hunched figure and Sua’s caring position. Nothing came close to the truth, but it freighted the couple. Siyeon prayed she never got jealous like that ever again.

Chapter Text

When Siyeon reaches to read the next question, she soon realizes that it’s the last paper in the box. She clears her throat while rolling out the paper. As she scans the piece between her fingers, she wonders who picked and wrote them out. Siyeon would’ve expected and asked different.

She wanted to know if their fans still kept tabs on them. If Minji still feels the urge to mother them after she intensely watched their videos and stress bakes when no one is close. If Yoohyeon would still cling to the next best comfort person like the oversized puppy she is when she is embarrassed or just bubbling with happiness. If Handong still eats those weird food combinations, claiming are all Chinese when in fact they are definitely not. If Yubin still has the fingerprint of the people close to her in her phone, ready for them to take weird pictures she secretly likes and puts as a background. If Gahyeon still needs her regularly group hugs while watching dramas and recharge her energy.

If Bora still loves her.

“What has changed since the disbandment? What do you miss and do you regret the disbandment?” She keeps her eyes on the paper and mumbles for no one to hear, “To be honest, what hasn’t changed?”

For Siyeon, almost everything changed once they disbanded. She closed herself off, changed everything she could and ran away eventually. She wasn’t sure if she regretted it before, but after seeing everyone again after so long, she definitely missed them. Maybe she regrets the way they broke up and lost contact. Maybe everything could’ve been handled different. Maybe, just maybe, they could’ve saved Dreamcatcher.

Yoohyeon answers before anyone could hear Siyeon’s response. “Well, we’ve all grown up a bit. I don’t know about regret but I miss everyone so much because we don’t see each other as much as we used to.”

The mood turns sullen.

“Yoohyeon and I actually held contact to talk about video games and we often play together when we find the time.” Yubin explains. It’s obvious that she wants to give their fans a little insight in their lives and show that they’re still friends. “I tried to help Gahyeon with her homework and we’re neighbours now, so its hard to avoid her. Plus, I consult her about my new songs.”

Gahyeon smiles at her fondly and Siyeon is envious. She missed them all so much, but now it almost feels like they’re strangers. So much times passed and she made no move at all to get closer again. Would they even want her to make a move?

“Yes! Jiu unnie and I are also neighbours!” Yoohyeon grins happily. “She sometimes helps me bake cake if anyone’s birthday is coming up and I forgot to get groceries.”

Everyone chuckles at her silliness and the mood brightens again thanks to the tall girl.

“Dong unnie sometimes calls me and writes me letters with the newest items from her latest shoot. They always have this cool red seal on them. It looks like I get mail from the sixteenth century, very stylish.” Gahyeon proudly states.

Minji frowns and gets loud, “Yah! Why don’t I get things from you?”

“Because you didn’t ask.” Handong says with a lifted brow.

Gahyeon seemed confused for a moment. “But I didn’t need to ask?”

Handong’s cheeks grow red and everyone in the room laughs once more, almost bickering as loud as in the old days.

“I regret not staying in contact as much.” Siyeon speaks up when everyone calmed down a bit, glancing at her feet. She knew she would ruin the atmosphere but she has to get this off her chest. “I needed time to myself after the disbandment but then it felt weird to just call or something, I don’t know. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to support you.”

“Yeah same.” Bora’s voice is the last one she expected to hear so she looks directly up at her. There was nothing but kindness and love in them, all the coldness from earlier melted away.

“We understand.” Gahyeon softly tells them. “You’re here now.”

Siyeon’s heart tightens again, but in a good way. A genuine smile crosses her face for the first time since the beginning of the interview. She is trying now. She is here now.

“But in all honesty, I’m not sure if I regret the disbandment.” Handong wonders out loud.

Minji nods with a smile. “Yeah, me too.”

“There was just so much stress and problems, that our company didn’t really care about or helped us with.” Yubin added.

Yoohyeon, halfway out of her seat, points a finger at Yubin as if she wanted to accuse her of something, “Remember those times we had comeback after comeback? Plus all those shows and interviews we did!” She turns to the camera with a shy smile, like she just realized they were still recording. “In the last three, or I’d rather say two, years of Dreamcatcher, we had such a tight schedule but the company just pushed for more and didn’t let us rest properly. It was very draining.”

The other six nod in agreement. Siyeon really wanted to forget that part of her job. Of course, at that time, she was more than grateful to finally receive so much attention from the public which they didn’t want to lose too soon, but it had it’s downsides. Not that she was complaining, because she indeed knew what she was getting herself into when she chose that path for herself, but was a week or two per year to rest after a tight schedule really too much to ask for?

“Only after a while, I realized how much it all was. Like I really felt calm and at peace for the first time in years when I was on a walk alone in some random forest close to my hometown.” Handong explains to the girls, already forgetting the cameras. “It was like we were so caught up in this mess, that I had no time to appreciate the small things and breathe for a second without worrying.”

“Totally.” Bora puts a comforting hand on her shoulder and says. “And I regret how we handled the decision in the end.” Siyeon watches everyone nod along Bora’s words. “It could’ve been less chaotic, but what’s in the past, is in the past. We can’t change it and it’s okay.”

Siyeon remembers how it all went down. But it felt weird to bring that time up again. Like a dust covered book nobody dared to reach for anymore, Siyeon forgot those last weeks as a member of Dreamcatcher. She could only faintly remember the day that set the ball rolling. It started just like any other ordinary day off promotions. But Siyeon knew, one day it would happen and hit her with a force she couldn’t recon with. She was right.

Siyeon was practising in one of the vocal booths as their manager came storming in. His eyes hurried through the room. The phone in his hands, some blue app open, got squeezed to death. The singer quickly took off her headphones and tried to calm the breathless man. He shrugged her off and told her to immediately get into the CEO’s office. Apparently, something urgent came up, he wasn’t specific.

Thinking to herself that she shouldn’t let the boss waiting, she rushed through the building, passing their many posters and awards. When she walked into the office, it was almost as if the air changed completely. Siyeon never really liked sitting in this room when she didn’t know what for, but she normally liked the CEO. He could be kind if he was in a good mood like when they had just won some award. So, she was even more scared with the cool air and serious gazes on her.

He didn’t talk to Siyeon and just gestured to one of the black chairs. A quick bow to him and the director in the room, she took her place in front of the big desk. Only moments after, the door opened again, revealing Minji and Bora tailing after their manager. The women sat down next to Siyeon, equally clueless, Bora to her right and Minji left.

“I’ll keep this direct and brief.” The CEO begins and shuffles through his papers before staring directly at the three women. “We have a dating scandal at our hands.”

There it was. She knew the day would come but she was nowhere near prepared for what it actually meant.

“Someone saw the two of you,” he glanced at Bora and Siyeon, something bitter in his eyes, “and is now blackmailing us. The evidence is pretty clear.”

Suddenly there are pictures of the couple on the desk, so the idols could see. It wasn’t just one or two pictures. No. It was a variety, an album’s worth. All with different positions, outfits, times and places. The earliest Siyeon managed to see through her blurry eyes, was from their first date at the zoo. Images of them holding hands on different occasions might seem okay, Siyeon thought, but she looked further.

Bora reached for a photo of them clearly kissing. It was a bit dark and the quality could’ve been better, but the two are still identifiable. And it wasn’t the only one. They apparently kissed a few times outside their dorm, Siyeon realized as she glanced over the pictures. There even were some from their tour when they thought nobody in some faraway country would care if two women were kissing or who these two women were.

“The blackmailer wants Dreamcatcher or you two to break up, or else they will out you to the public.” The man sighed and Siyeon felt how heavy his heart was. “We won’t get into contact with the police. We need to be careful with this. Minji, I expect you to manage this with the others and tell me what you come up with.”

“Yes, sir.” Minji’s voice shook but Siyeon didn’t dare to look at her. She had struggle enough not to cry in front of the heads of the company.

This wasn’t fair. They couldn’t get the rest of the girls into this. But breaking up with Bora seemed like the end of the world. Nothing could ever compare to the love she had for Bora. It sounded childish in a way, there weren’t many other people or experiences to compare to, but she just knew deep in her heart that to be with anyone else felt simply wrong. No matter how much the consequences might hurt, there was this bond between them that led Siyeon to protect the older. She would never, could never, leave her. It seemed stupidly impossible.

Both options were impossible. Unbearable cruel.

Siyeon couldn’t recall how she ended up in their living room with the other five surrounding her and Bora in a big pile of blankets. Someone reached for her hand, another hugged her around her waist. The quiet was warm and let her almost believe in peace but her mind was a never stopping rollercoaster, contemplating all they could do.

“What if you just pretend like you broke up?” Yubin spoke up, “And act accordingly for the cameras but here at home, you can still be together.”

“So, like how we were actually supposed to act? You can see how that turned out.” Siyeon saw Bora’s pain directly in her eyes, but she couldn’t change it. The idea was probably the best, she came to that conclusion a few minutes ago when it was the only option that didn’t completely scream the end of the world to her. Yet, there was a big possibility, that it would end in failure too. They tired to stay low before, what would be so different now?

Why was there no other choice? Why couldn’t they just live and love in peace?

“I need time to think.” There was suddenly so much anger inside Siyeon and nowhere she could let it out. Of course, it always hit the wrong people. She somehow managed to stand up, walked out of the room and into her own before she did something to regret even more.

Bora involuntarily flinched when the door slammed shut and the others shared worried glances with each other. “This can’t be happening. It’s all just a bad dream, right?”

She was only met with faces painted in pity. “No.” She turned to Minji and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Tell me this isn’t happening. We won’t break up. Any of us. I’m not letting any of you go. No, never.”

Bora for once, didn’t care if she acted like a crazy person or if she cried in front of the younger members. Her mind didn’t want to catch up to anything. There was no way she would lose Siyeon, her soulmate, like this. There was no way, her dream of so many years painful training went to shreds like this. She would never just hang at the mercy of an evil person like this. Her breath hitched. No.

She didn’t even realize when Minji pulled her into a hug or when her tears started to spill over, but she didn’t know what to do anymore. So, she let it all out and cried for longer than she could remember ever having spilled her tears. Being held in Minji’s arms wasn’t as comfortable as Siyeon. The puzzle wasn’t fitting. She let out a loud cry at the thought of never getting to be held by her girlfriend again.

Fortunately, for the first few days, after Minji told the CEO the couple would break up, they had no major schedule that involved the public. The company didn’t force new ones and instead allowed a few days of rest.

However, neither acted the same after the meeting. Both were filled with fear of being outed to the public that they would put a stop to their affection as best as they could. At home, their act often didn’t stop. Never in a million years did any of them think that being close to their soulmate would fill them with so much terror. It was the most horrifying realization that both had to come to, had swallow down their raw throats, in their whole life.

It hurt so bad but Siyeon was terrified of others opinions that every of Bora’s approaches went down the drain. She was so scared that someone, anyone, could see her being vulnerable or affectionate towards Bora and turn it against her, ruin everything they worked for. The other members felt their awkward falling out strong. Siyeon wouldn’t go out of her room if they didn’t have a schedule and Bora distracted herself with everything that got in her way. She knew very well what she was doing, but wouldn’t admit her denial to anyone.

Minji felt more than helpless and it was obvious. She saw the light in her younger friends’ eyes fade into a dull and lifeless brown. She couldn’t tell them or lock them into a room together to talk it out and get back together. She couldn’t scream at the media and general public to stop being homophobic bullies. She couldn’t involve the police because the company would get problems. She couldn’t get any of her members back on track even if that was her only job as a leader.

She felt like she failed all of them.

The only thing she did was to slip under Siyeon’s covers when Bora didn’t. Not saying a thing, she only hugged the younger as close as she could. Minji knew she couldn’t make up for the pain and the emptiness but she would die trying her best. Nothing she could do to the stubborn hope of her little, human heart.

At one point or another she pressured Siyeon into talking about all of her worries because she knew all too well how the younger woman bottled it all up. She gently tried for several times but was met with nothing. Siyeon didn’t want to hurt or be a burden to anyone. So, the last time the leader tried, she stopped holding back. If gentle wasn’t the way, something harsher must break Siyeon to open up.

That’s when everything really started. Or ended.

“Leave me the fuck alone, Minji.” Siyeon growled when the leader followed her into their shared room. Siyeon just wanted to run away from the conversation with Minji like she did every time. She didn’t want to fight. But if the leader kept going, that was exactly what was going to happen.

“No.” Minji stopped in her way, looking sternly down at her. “You’re going to tell me what’s wrong and why you act this shitty.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because someone is fucking blackmailing us and I haven’t slept in days? How about that, Minji? Is that good enough for you? Will you finally leave me alone now?” She spat back.

Siyeon knew she went too far but her way back was blocked. She was cornered, and like every cornered creature, she bit back and let it all out. Minji’s face fell and Siyeon wasn’t sure if she would ever see that glorious smile of hers again. If the light would ever shine again. No. No. No.

“Siyeon.”

She aimed to walk away towards the living room, leaving the startled woman in her room, in hopes that Minji would stop if the rest of the members listened. But she didn’t. The oldest sat down directly in front of Siyeon on the couch who fixed her eyes on the television. The rest of the members slowly made their way into the room too and carefully watched the scene.

“Siyeon, look at me.” Her voice lacked her usual kindness so the younger complied unwillingly. “I know how hard this is right now-“

“Oh do you?”

“Yes.” Minji said coldly. She had to maintain her patience for the sake of the whole team. “But we need to work together to get through this. Nothing good will come from shutting yourself off.”

Siyeon glared at the leader who reached a hand out to her. Oh, how she hated it when Minji was right. Minji and her irritating perfection, that she always had to insert into every little detail. She couldn’t for the life of her figure out why Minji always tried so hard, always looked so immaculate even if she made a fool out of herself. It seemed like second nature for her to flawlessly match expectations without even thinking about it, while Siyeon even struggled to manage sitting lady-like. Why was it only now, with Minji straightening her back and staring at her expectantly, that she directed her anger at someone she always looked up to?

“Like it will change anything.” She muttered while tears threatened to fall. She didn’t want anyone close to her, her body wanting to reject contact like poison. Please stop.

“So what?” Minji asked and let annoyance slip into her voice. She withdrew her hand when Siyeon shoved it away and instead fixed her hair. “We’re just going to give up and give in?”

“I don’t care! We don’t work anymore!” Siyeon cried out, tears now openly streaming down her face. “I can’t look at any of you without hating myself, how am I supposed to stand in front of a crowd and sing?!” She gestures to where she suspected the others, “And just look at all of us. There is no energy left to deal with this. We’re all fucking drained and just want to get a rest and maybe finally do our own thing, and the company won’t even get police involved! Isn’t that fucked-up? Weird, they clearly don’t care anymore too!”

A silent breath.

“And it’s not like Korea’s mindset will change! We could fight against it all, against the world and its fucked-up mindset.” She could only make out Minji’s blurry outlines, but directs her tears towards her anyways. “But at what cost? It will only break us more, Minji.”

Bora’s broken voice got through to her. “And what do you propose we do?”

“Disband.”

The silence was deafening. Minji buried her face in her hands. Yoohyeon carefully stood next to her to provide some form of comfort. Siyeon couldn’t bear it anymore. She stood up, ran to grab her jacket and off into the darkness of the night. She feared if she stayed for only a second longer, she would explode into a thousand pieces. There wasn’t enough air. Stop. Stop. Stop.

She ran, ran, ran and ran. Further and further away from comfort and pain.

Then it all just abruptly stilled. Why did it make Siyeon feel good? Relieved even, with suddenly so much weight off her shoulders. Every step further away, on some unknown street, she let something of herself and that weight go. It made her sick. But wasn’t she finally free now? Nobody would force her to stay in the band. It was pathetic to feel this good about something so horrible. She hurt her closest friends. Crossed out dreams of her family. And she was happy about it?

Her knees felt weak so she sat down on a random park bench. Why was guilt so fucking heavy? Her heart had problems functioning under the growing pressure. The jacket she grabbed wasn’t helping with anything and certainly not the cold, but she probably deserved it. She wanted the freezing cold to burn into her skin. Remind her of reality. Remind her that she would never truly get what she so deeply craved. That the world just didn’t work in her favour.

She wants to scream at the world, show them everything, prove herself to all of them. As if her life had no meaning if she wasn’t watched all the time, she laughed bitterly.

You are not the only one that can destroy us. Watch me.

Siyeon doesn’t remember what happened next that night, not knowing where to go anymore. It felt so terrifying to be homeless at heart, no safe place to go to bed and settle down into a hug at night to make it all seem better. She probably found a bar and drunk herself under the table, she never was good with alcohol so at least something came easy that night. She closed herself off after that, went missing for days, never showing her face to any camera and cursed the world for breaking her dreams even if she knew it was all on her. No higher power or god would fuck up so much like she did for weeks until their contract finally ended.

It really hurts. Siyeon feels all the pain of running away, her body unable to avert the numbness creeping in her bones, to her limps and throat. It took months for her to sing again, let music back into her life or to even lightly move her body to the beats.

No more flashbacks, she pleads silently. It reminds her of so much she regrets of doing and not doing. There must be some reason why she couldn’t remember most of it before.

Luckily, they got a little break after the questions finished so the staff could rearrange something in the studio. The seven of them were led into a small break room with enough snacks on the table to support a whole army. Siyeon hasn’t even entered the room when Minji has already stuffed her mouth with sweets.

There was so much on her mind, that Siyeon didn’t realize that nobody is saying anything. Only after a moment she looks around confused and the others chuckle before busying themselves with food and drinks. Why were they watching her?

“Wanna share what’s up your mind?” Bora quips up next to her with a surprisingly kind smile. “You seem troubled.”

Siyeon contemplated if she should answer. It never turned out well if she said those dark things but what does she have to lose. Honesty is the key, right?

She clears her throat, looking at Yubin and Minji who organize their food to feed the youngest, “I’m just a bit emotional.”

Handong moves to put her arm around Siyeon. Appreciating the comfort, Siyeon smiles weakly at her and leans into the touch. Even though she doesn’t mean to, Bora and Handong wait for her to continue or explain herself. The others try to give them some space and make small conversation on their own.

“I just don’t think it’s fair that I got to decide what happened. I decided that we’d disband so all your pain therefore is my fault.” Her voice cracks, “I-I’m sorry.”

“What? We never gave you any fault, Siyeon.”

She looks up at Handong. Oh, how she has grown up.

“Don’t you get it, Siyeon?” She glances confused at Minji who slides into the conversation after having heard Handong. “It was the best option at that time. You didn’t decide, you just suggested and we all went with it because there was no other or better option to escape all of this. We all were burned out and tremendously tired.”

But it wasn’t the best option, right? Sure, they were tired, but nothing a bit of rest couldn’t have fixed. A bit of time and perspective could’ve helped so she wouldn’t have overdramatised the situation. Right?

“But we were at our prime, Minji! And I made mistakes that led us to disband. To throw everything we ever worked for out of the fucking window. We could’ve made it to the top and save us all the pain.”

She wonders why she is saying all of this. Does she want to make herself feel better? Justify herself like she couldn’t for years? No, the others seem to have finished that chapter. Why was she still hanging onto the last pages?

“What mistakes?” Bora whispers, as if she wasn’t sure she wanted an answer.

Siyeon turns to her bewildered, “S-Sorry?”

“What mistakes do you mean? Do you think w-we were a …mistake?”

They look at each other for a moment before Siyeon speaks up again. “No. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.” She really wants to close the distance to Bora, craving her touch like air. “But I kissed you in public. I shut you out after and wasn’t controlling my anger and took it out on you.”

“But it was never your fault, Siyeon.”

Her mind stops. It feels like she ran headfirst into a wall. She wants to take Bora’s hand, it’s so close. Comfort her somehow. Should she dare?

“It’s okay, I know it was my fault, you can say it. I was overdramatising everything and couldn’t cool down enough to think rationally or work it out properly.” Siyeon dares to take Bora’s hand slowly, just grazing with her fingertips. It still sends sparks up her arm. “I’m the reason we got blackmailed. If I hadn’t kissed you so often in public–”

“Stop.” Bora grabbed her hand fully, slightly tugging on it. Siyeon fully looks at her. Those pleading eyes creeping into her soul. “You’re wrong. No one blames you, or us, for what we did. Your feelings are valid, Siyeon. You had every right to react the way you did and what you did might seem dramatic now, but back than it was completely understandable.”

Something caught in her throat. Siyeon coughed vehemently, wanting to hide from Bora’s touch that made her feel like a stupid teenager. She doesn’t really register what nonsense the older woman just said. “What?”

Wide eyes fixed on the woman in front of her, Siyeon tries to find her words and her breathing. Bora must have seen her internal struggle. She always saw right through her.

“Can I hug you?”

Siyeon blinks at her, her body unable to listen to her screaming mind. Eventually she agrees with a nod. Within seconds, Siyeon still not able to recover from her shock, she feels strong arms wrapping around her mid-section. Bora’s scent, her warmth, her hold, everything just fitted perfectly. God, how Siyeon missed this. Everything is coming down at once and she feels herself responding to the embrace.

They both relax into the hug. No matter how stressed and tensed Siyeon seems, it all just vanishes as soon as the older touched her. She can finally breathe again. There could be a fire, burning down the whole room, she wouldn’t notice.

Bora moves slightly and out of instinct, or more like fear to let her go this soon, Siyeon tightens her hold which makes the other woman chuckle. She softly whispers into her ear and it made Siyeon shiver. “I got you. But you have to know that we all wanted to leave the company, you and me just made the final push out the door.”

In response Siyeon only hid her face in Bora’s hair. She wants to savour this feeling. Who knows when she gets the chance to be this close to her again.

“Don’t tell me that you shouldered this guilt with you all this time?”

Something cracks again. And this time it wasn’t her heart. It was the façade that her mind had built. The wall of protection turned out to be poison all along. Who would’ve known. She lets silent tears stream down her face. Her knees feel weak but for once it is okay, Bora is there to hold her.

Siyeon finally seems to realize something important. She needs to forgive herself before wanting to make others proud. It’s something she can maybe work on. Love herself at her worst and all that. Work on her anger and anxiety issues. How was anyone supposed to be proud of her, love her fully or commit to her when she wouldn’t herself?

She needs to make peace with her broken pieces. Not everything can be fixed, and that’s okay. Somewhere along those lines, there is beauty in the pain. It seems so easy to think about but Siyeon knows the actual hard work behind it and isn’t thrilled about it.

But she needs to find herself, the parts that are truly herself and not part of the group. She knows she tried that before. However, the difference from trying now is that she is sure, somewhere, once she found a basis to build herself and let others build, her girls will be there with waiting arms open for her.

And that’s a dream, a path so clear, she sees herself following, finally with a heart less heavy.

Chapter Text

After their little break, Siyeon seems to gravitate closer to Bora. The latter doesn’t mind and lets the quiet girl process her words, she knows it’s a lot. If Bora had known Siyeon twisted her thoughts to compensate the past, she would’ve talked to her sooner. Or at least Bora likes to think she would use it as motivation to send one of the billion unsend texts.

In the past few minutes, the staff cleared the studio, all seven chairs now stuffed somewhere to the other side while microphones proudly stood in their place. The seven women quickly stood behind them in the same order than before. Siyeon to the far left and Bora furthest to the right.

Bora could feel herself starting to stress over the fact how fragile and tiny her ex-girlfriend looks. All the flashbacks brought up all those feelings she drowned out and crammed into boxes in her head. It is very overwhelming to feel it all at once again, although the greater part of her brain just missed the other girl and wants her close. It is weird, only an hour ago she would hate herself for getting weak again for Siyeon. For letting her in, for letting her arduously build walls crumble to pieces in matter of minutes.

The director speaks up again, when Bora was about to let encouraging words from the tip of her tongue free for Siyeon to receive.

“Before I’m going to ask you to sing a last song, one of your choice because none of you switched out any questions; is there anything you still want to say to Somnias?”

The seven of them all say a few grateful words to their fans and thank them for their support before they performed the song they settled on earlier. Three years went by and Bora can’t really believe that their fans still stuck around, waiting just for them to answer a few questions together. Even over the many months she felt their support in little things. The opening of her dance studio got more attention than they reckoned with. Some new students ask her for Sua’s signature on old merch or advise on how to make it in the industry. Not to mention the support their fans still show continually online, if it’s posting about their birthdays or fan edits of ancient performances. Bora is more grateful and thankful than she could ever find the words for.

Music settles in and Bora feels the familiar ache in her bones to move her body. She is nervous, singing after so long for someone other than herself. Somehow the thought of their happy fans and the smiles on her members’ faces let her turn out her nerves when she sings the first notes of ‘Over the Sky’.

They all can’t seem to stand still and vibe with the music. The other girls sound almost the same, only matured a bit, yet still amazing. Yoohyeon beams at the camera and makes cute faces when it’s her turn. Bora, nostalgic from everything, wants to squeeze her to death or annoy her like they used to play, shower the tall puppy with all the love she missed out on.

All Bora waits for, is for Siyeon’s mesmerizing voice to lead into the chorus. She has to scold her features for the camera, but inside Bora is crumbling and blissful to finally hear her again. Siyeon isn’t giving it her all yet, but Bora guesses it’s because she is nervous as well, it has been so long for all of them. Nonetheless, Siyeon slays her part and lets herself fall into the happiness of the other six women.

In the end of the song, they all scream the chorus at the top of their lungs as if they wanted to convey a deeper message to the fans. By then Bora notices how Siyeon let every emotion flow into the lyrics and belted one of her best high-notes. She only laughs when the others cheered her on.

They are really one big, crazy family. And Bora wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Question.” Yubin says loud enough for everyone to hear over the chaos of the staff ending the interview, “Now that everyone is here, do you want to go get dinner together? We all won that game earlier so how about we use our prize?”

“Yes!” Handong jumps and startles the others with a tad too much enthusiasm on her side. Minji and Yoohyeon grin at each other and agree. They all seem happy to follow the idea and up until they reach their chosen restaurant for the night, the seven of them loudly sing to their favourite songs in the shared taxi.

When Bora first entered the building for the interview today, the last thing she expected from the evening was to go out with all of her members. She guessed they would all just do their own thing after or maybe Handong would invite to her to dinner as a thank you for fetching her from the airport.

However, she doesn’t complain, not in the slightest. Not even when her stomach starts to hurt from all the constant laughing and belting to songs. Not when she couldn’t find a better place to enjoy her evening than being comfortably surrounded with her old friends. Here and there, she sneaks a glimpse at Siyeon, checking if she is enjoying herself like the rest. Bora doesn’t care if the others saw her and her cheeks only burned slightly when Handong smirked at her obvious glances. But she felt comfortable. In control if anything would really happen or any outsider would notice her travelling eyes. It is a nice feeling for once and Bora let herself indulge in it.

“Do you think you’re still able to love me?” Is what Siyeon wants to say when they sit down in the not-too-fancy restaurant, but it came out like, “Do you guys think you’ve changed much after everything?”

Everyone at the table turns her way, looking up from their drinks or conversation. The waiter just brought them most parts of the food and Bora reaches for it. She knows Siyeon wasn’t too fond of complete attention from the other six when she spoke about something deeper like her feelings.

“Of course, I still love you.” Bora answers, only it comes out, “More meat, Singnie?”

She hasn’t meant for the name to slip, but it was always so easy with Siyeon and the initial fear of seeing her long lost somewhere in the earlier interview. It just feels right, Bora reasons with herself. And Siyeon only looks a little bit flustered, not seeming to mind too much, and Bora deems her slight redness still adorable.

“God, you two even have the same nicknames and corny metaphors in other universes, I don’t think you’ll ever really change.” Handong sips on her wine and eyes the food critically as if some of it might poison her. “Like, do you really not believe you guys are soulmates or at least meant to be together anymore?”

Six heads turn to the Chinese woman confused and the sudden silence makes her realize her slip up. “Oh fuck,” She mutters. “Did I just say that out loud?”

She meets their wide stares and Bora can shockingly see how Handong thinks to dismiss their following questions, tries to come up with anything to stop those thoughts running wild. But Handong knows it won’t help her in the end and sighs in defeat. Bora can’t really comprehend what happens, her mind processing, still stuck on the soulmate part, is taking all of her capacity.

“Other universes?” Siyeon furrows her brows, the meat dangling on Bora’s chopsticks falls back on her plate with a dull plop. “Sorry, what?”

Handong chuckles nervously and sits back in her seat. “Okay well, how do I explain this… please don’t freak out, it’s gonna sound crazy.” She glances along the table only to see perplexed faces crunched in confusion and takes a deep breath.

“Well, long story short, I’m more or less immortal and travel through different universes to make sure there is enough goodness and everyone gets what they deserve. Okay that sounds weird, but really, I am the balance in the world if you will. I’ve seen you, all of you, in other lives and I can tell you, Bora and Siyeon, you literally don’t function without the other.”

For a moment, a heavy silence follows and Handong fears she just led to the collapse of this world. It could be realistic, considering she isn’t supposed to tell anyone in order to keep said balance. She has told a few timelines what her general job was, but none of those got the complete story. Therefore, the woman is really testing her luck right now.

After the first shock sank in, at least half of the table gets loud and throws a million question at Handong. The clinking of cutlery and the faint conversations from the other tables drown out.

“Guys…” Minji tries to calm them down but to no avail. Instead, the group only gets louder.

Handong backs away a bit and Minji quickly raises her voice. “Guys! Hey!” Five confused women look up at their leader who just shakes her head. “You really haven’t changed. One question at the time, look how you scared Dongie!”

“You sure you’re not pulling a prank on us?” Siyeon wants to know and crunches her face, as if squinting cutely would help undercover the truth. “This sounds really crazy, Dongie.”

The woman sighs, knowing very well how her story sounds, “I know, but you can trust me. Ask me questions and you’ll see.”

Collectively they grumble an apology when Minji scolds them again and Handong grins her members, motioning for Gahyeon, who sits in front of her, to state a question.

“Since when were you able to do that?”

Handong ponders for a moment, “I think since I was little. It’s inherited in my family that the female firstborn from every third generation gets these powers and is able to wield them with something around eighteen.”

Gahyeon and the rest of the girls stare at her with wonder in their eyes. Handong seems relieved about the good responses, but what did she expect from her family. To her left, Yoohyeon whines about asking next and the Chinese woman turns to her.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?”

“God, I don’t even know if it’s good that I just told you this now. The universe is very fragile. You’re the first ones I told and I really didn’t mean to.” She explains but then chuckles at a certain memory. “Well in one universe, pre-industrialisation, I forgot to put my phone on mute but you lovebirds,” she gestures with her chopsticks in hand towards Siyeon’s and Bora’s general direction, “didn’t really notice or question it.”

Everyone, including Siyeon and Bora, laughed at their other selves. Bora feels her cheeks growing hot but she reasons it with the tiny amount of alcohol she drank. She busies her hands with the napkin on the table, her eyes cast down to it. Why was she embarrassed about something she didn’t even do? Maybe it’s more the fact that Handong calls them lovebirds that makes her feel hot all over her body. Bora weirdly missed this. All of them huddled together, teasing and laughing with each other.

“Can you switch universes now? Do you need a time machine or do you have to prepare something in order to travel?” Yubin asks interested and clearly eager to understand the concept of it all, unlike Bora whose brain did the best to keep up.

“If you don’t want me here, just say so.” Handong pouts and jokingly attempts to get out of her seat.

Yubin jolts in panic and hurries to apologize before everyone starts to laugh again. A bit calmed down, Handong says, “I can use any object if enchanted correctly. Mostly I use an old watch because I like the irony that I’m not just a simple time traveller.”

The other woman seems satisfied with that answer for a moment but Handong adds, “I can also bring other objects with me. Like how I forgot my phone in my pocket. I usually travel with a bit of luggage and food, depending where I’m going.”

“What about traveling with other people?” Yubin thought out loud.

Handong just shrugs. “Haven’t tried it yet.”

Gahyeon’s eyes sparkle with an idea in her head. So, she timidly raises her hand because she doesn’t want to disrupt the queue of questions or Handong’s explanations. The older looks at her fondly and nods for Gahyeon to say what’s on her mind. Bora has to fight a grin of her own, the youngest is just still too cute for her own good.

“Does that mean the letters I get are actually from the sixteenths century?”

“More like eighteenths, but yeah.” Handong nods tenderly and Gahyeon squeals in joy. “Oh my god, that’s so cool!” Her little joyful jumps distract from a pouty Minji, who mutters something inaudible about wanting cool mail too.

As much as Bora is amused by Minji’s sulking, she can’t for the love of god, picture Handong somewhere in medieval times without extravagant food or modern clothes. No, there is no place for cover star and supermodel Handong in a dark age castle, trying to fix Bora’s love life. Siyeon must have the same thoughts because when she looks up, the younger has the same glint of amusement in her eyes as Bora. They share a timid smile.

“So when you’re practically immortal, right,” Yubin narrows her eyes at Handong, “What have you been up to for so long? Are you even our age?”

Handong puts her chopsticks down and crosses her arms. She leans back a bit to stare Yubin down as if she just insulted her. “Of course, I’m your age. I haven’t been doing this for long. I’m not old, Yubin.”

Before the younger woman could protest that she never said those words, Gahyeon whines about wanting to know what Handong does in her spare time with her magic and if she could do tricks with it. Handong definitely doesn’t blush or glance downwards when the youngest called her magical, no. With a groan she gets herself talked into answering in more detail than “I don’t know, normal stuff.”

“I’ve been waiting and looking for you.” She glances back at the rest, still a little red. “All of you.”

“How do you find someone in millions of universes?”

Handong leans forward on the table with a sigh. “Ah well let’s just say I have my tricks and could find you or Yubin everywhere. And then the others are mostly somehow connected to the two of you. You’re not anyone who would be overlooked.”

The eldest women smirk at three blushing faces. Teasing can be fun if it’s not just them on the spot, Bora muses.

“You sure you don’t have ulterior motives in finding especially those two?” Bora asks grinning.

“W-what?” She almost chokes on her drink.

“Oh nothing, more rice, Dongie?”

“By the way, I’m actually on a mission right now.” Handong announces when she drank half of her wine and catches their attention. She glances at Bora and Siyeon to her right who shyly look away. “So, I can’t really switch right now, Yubin. Not before I got the lovebirds together again.”

“Why is that so important?” Minji questions with food halfway to her mouth. “I mean yeah, restoring balance, but why now when they’ve been apart for so long and why can’t they just stay friends or something?”

Handong sighs deeply. “It’s complicated. There was this one timeline,” She glances at the two to her right who finally meet her eyes, both probably too interested in her answer to shy away. “You both worked regular jobs, nothing too fancy but it was a good life. And you never took the chance. You both were miserable. And when–” She swallows as the memory bubbles up, “When you had your accident… I lost not only one friend but two. The balance was so out of order, I think it actually set loose something dark in multiple universes that I needed to repair first.”

“Oh, Dongie…” Minji sighed and Bora squeezed one of her hands in comfort.

“In every lifetime, either one or both of you just loved to throw themselves into danger headfirst. No matter what we tried, you just never stopped doing what you thought was right. But you had each other. You always protected one another.”

That sounds like something she would do, Bora thinks. Even now, she can feel herself opening up to Siyeon again and if she would need her help, or anything really, Bora wouldn’t hesitate to jump into action. It scared her tremendously because for three years she tried her very best to stop everything Siyeon-related. Every thought, every comment, every video got shoved away deep, deep in boxes. And now she is just forgiving her and falling like it’s nothing?

Handong took a breath before she continued. “I fucked up once, I’m not doing it again but I can only do so much. I never thought it would take three years, that’s actually way too long.” She turns to ask Siyeon and Bora, “You both saw the flashbacks, yes?”

“That was you?!” Bora’s high pitch voice screamed while the others just stare in confusion like minutes before. She doesn’t mean to be so loud, but those flashbacks felt like a bizarre fever dream. “You could’ve really warned a girl… seriously that was one hell of a rollercoaster.”

Siyeon just watches them, getting paler as the conversation goes on. Her head probably a mess from all the emotions prior and the new load of information. A thought hits Bora. Siyeon had the same flashbacks as she did. Was that the reason why her behaviour changed through the curse of the interview?

Handong sheepishly grimaces. “Yeah, sorry.”

“Flashbacks…?” Gahyeon dares to ask and Handong looks back to her, while Bora keeps her eyes trained on Siyeon, noting every little nervous habit of hers.

“In the interview earlier, I made them relive some old memories that their brain had paired with the questions, in order for them to remember the good times and their feelings. I didn’t think they would talk to each other otherwise, not with Bora being grumpy.”

“How do you– no, you know what, nevermind.” Siyeon murmurs, too quiet for anyone. She seems thinks of a different thing to ask instead because she knows she won’t be able to understand complex universe travel right now anyways. “Is that why you bailed as soon as we disbanded? To repair the other universes?”

“Yeah, I needed to visit your other lifetimes to see how you were doing there, a few were damaged too. And to learn how to get you back together again here to restore balance.”

Siyeon nods thoughtfully. Their life appears like it’s something for a greater use and it slightly starts to terrify Bora. Why her? She wasn’t that special. And her love life certainly was anything but great.

“Listen,” Handong gets their attention with a soft smile, “There are lifetimes full of love between your souls. Lifetimes of Queens, wandering souls and adventures. You are one of the oldest and most sacred souls on this planet, your impact on the balance is impeccable.”

This was certainly not helping Siyeon or Bora in their panic but Handong seems to already know. “I get that this sounds crazy and terrifying, but let me tell you. Your love is actually the easiest of them all. You fall every time, you match each other so perfectly. You are certified soulmates, if I may say so.”

When Siyeon looks in Bora’s direction to see what she might think, she spots a blush on the older woman’s cheeks. And it takes a lot to make her blush, Siyeon smiles knowingly. Bora’s heart lightened at her reaction, she doesn’t seem to take it too badly either that they would need to get back together to safe the universe. Bora laughs internally how crazy that sounds.

“How do we uhm–” Bora clears her throat, ignoring the others teasing her, “How do we help you with this balance thingy exactly?”

“You don’t.” Handong states, “It has to flow naturally.”

Bora actually isn’t too reluctant about being this close to Siyeon again. Of course, she would only agree to this if Siyeon wants it too and feels okay, but deep down she knows how the younger feels. She can feel their bond again and how much she missed just being in the taller woman’s presence. But should they really get close again? It was obvious that neither is sure if they are ready. For their hearts to be in this close proximity again and for when the possible consequences strike.

“But don’t do this because I told you or because of some balance shit of good and evil. Talk with each other because you love one another and have so much left unsaid. Love is the greatest gift in this world, use it wisely.”

“Wait,” Yubin says hurried, in case they wanted to move on from the topic. Her phone lays open in front of her, so Handong could see the little notes and sketches. She would never admit it, but her heart flutters a bit at the interest Yubin shows. “You said one timeline set off some darkness in others. Does that mean their breakup wasn’t supposed to happen? Like it got affected too?”

“Yeah, sort of.” Handong sighs and her eyes move upwards from the screen. “I messed up because I couldn’t stop the blackmail. It shouldn’t have happened or at least end differently.”

“How?” Minji isn’t the only one confused. At this rate, anything is possible if Handong told them it was. For all they know, unicorns could be real or aliens were already living amongst them.

“I actually found out too late that the blackmailer changed. Originally it was some weirdo who the police took care of.” She explains, pained by her memory.

“But the police were never involved.” Gahyeon cut in.

“Exactly.” Handong sighs and glances at all of them before dropping the bomb. “Because this time, the blackmailer was our CEO.”

All six of them go loud again. “What?”

“Yeah, the pictures came from one of the managers. The company didn’t want to be associated to a gay group anymore and after they found enough evidence, confronted you with that lie of a blackmailer. I checked a few other lifetimes to see how I could undo this but nothing helped and instead I just wasted time.”

Nobody said anything for a while. Bora’s heart drops. She actually trusted their company and thought even partly cared about the members of their biggest group. Well surprise, apparently, they didn’t care about anything but money.

Siyeon and Bora lost in their own world of thoughts. They can’t really process all of what Handong just said. It would mean it really was never their fault. It was never meant to happen like it did. By now the napkin in Bora’s hands is nothing more than a dozen tiny shreds on her otherwise empty plate.

The Chinese woman chuckles at the innocence of their bewilderment. “Did you never question how the blackmailer knew you two broke up and didn’t threaten to expose you further? Did you think a creepy fan would just take your word and leave you alone if he wasn’t close to you?” Everyone’s jaws are still hanging a bit open and nobody wants to admit their lack of reflection. “Did you seriously never watch a real crime movie? Guys, they do this all the time!”

“Again, why have you never said anything?” Yoohyeon quips up next to her.

“Because I could bring all of this even more out of balance if I did.”

“Can you like predict the future or something then?” Yoohyeon asks further and ignores Minji’s protest of order, swatting a hand in her way.

Handong laughs lightly at her eagerness. “Not really, since the stability of this world is wrong, things happen out of order and control and they will continue to shift until I fix my mess. Like I said, it’s complicated.”

While Handong continues to test the limits and tells the girls about their other lifetimes, Bora feels her mind wandering off to Siyeon. Not like she wasn’t always on her mind anyways. She sees how Siyeon is clearly struggling with her own thoughts and every part of her just wants to hold her close, tell her everything would be alright.

Siyeon abruptly gets up and excuses herself to the bathroom. Bora knows that it’s not just that and gives the younger a few minutes to herself until she decides to follow her. She herself is very confused about what the hell Handong just told them, but she would always put Siyeon’s worries above hers. Something she didn’t even really question anymore, it was just in her system since their trainee days. Something she still wanted to get rid of earlier that day and is now starting to accept again. Maybe some things aren’t meant to change.

Bora silently motions to Minji that she will look after Siyeon so that she doesn’t interrupt Handong’s current story about some wild and futuristic universe she didn’t really pay attention to. Moments later she walks into the giant bathroom of the restaurant. It’s bigger than she thought and the golden accents on the dark green walls don’t at all match with the interior outside of the room.

She hears the water tap running and turns to her right. Siyeon meets her eyes in the mirror but looks away quickly. Bora feels weirdly out of place. As if the expensive looking room was silently judging her questionable decisions, she fidgets with her fingers nervously. Why was she running after Siyeon? She doesn’t even know if the other woman wants her close or if she was just fouling into the fire.

“That was a lot to take in,” Bora speaks up, her voice shaking a bit. “How do you feel?”

Their eyes meet again, this time both manage a slight smile. “I’m not sure. Like I want to puke?” Siyeon scoffs somewhat at herself and shakes her head, glancing back down to her hands.

“It’s just–” She moves to wipe her hands dry on one of the paper towels at the side before turning to face Bora, “I pushed all those feelings down, trying my best not to be remembered of this and here we are, getting our old times flashed before our eyes and Dong tells us something about other universes and soulmates. It’s a lot. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize. I understand completely.” Bora rushes out. She really wants to get closer but she still isn’t sure if it would help Siyeon or have the opposite effect. “I did the same, but oh well, no amount of dancing or time could make me really forget us.”

Bora slowly takes steps towards the row of sinks Siyeon leans against. The latter makes no attempt to move away and Bora takes it as an invitation to shift closer until she could easily take Siyeon’s trembling hands into hers. They are still cold from the water but Bora didn’t care, she just relished the intimacy only Siyeon could provide her.

“I don’t know where your mind is at right now, but do you want to talk about all of this?”

Siyeon stares with something unreadable in her eyes at Bora for a moment and eventually lets out an awkward chuckle, “Do you think a bathroom would be the best place to talk about something so deep?”

Bora cracks a smile and rolls her eyes at the younger who only starts to fall into a fit of anxious giggles. “Hey,” She lightly slaps Siyeon’s arm but quickly interlaces their fingers again, “I’m trying to be supportive here.”

“Sorry,” Siyeon bites her lip to swallow her grin, “Yes, continue please.”

Bora squints her eyes at Siyeon and watches her for a second, checking if she really could hold herself together. The younger still seems to use those same coping mechanisms as she had before, Bora notes, but then Siyeon has to also remember that they don’t quite work with Bora.

“I’m serious,” Siyeon sighs and adverts her eyes up to the wall behind the older woman. She could never really talk about her feeling out in daylight public. “And my mind is a mess, but that’s nothing new. I have no clue what to do now with all this new input that I can’t really process yet, but I know that–” She swallows hard as her voice cracks and lifts her chin to glance up at the ceiling, “I-I miss you. I’m sorry, really. I tried not to, because I don’t want to burden you anymore. I hurt you enough and you shouldn’t have to deal with me and–”

She stops her rambling instantly when Bora lifts her hand to softly graze her cheek, pulling Siyeon’s face down towards her again. Siyeon looks back into deep brown eyes filled with nothing but affection.

“You still look so beautiful.” Bora whispers, letting her eyes wander all over Siyeon’s features and effectively shutting her up. The glistering shimmer in her eyes, that simply stares back at her, waiting for the older to do something, pains her deeply.

Her words hang just there. Somewhere in the air of this too green and expensive looking bathroom of a random diner with Bora two steps too close to breathe normally and one step away from kissing her ex-girlfriend.

“Do you really think my love for you would fade, simply because I was angry at you? I felt numb for a long while, yes, and then sad and so lost without you. Sure, I was mad when I saw you again today, but only because you made me feel things again. And god, I can’t even describe how much I miss you.”

Siyeon opens her mouth as if she wants to answer, but nothing comes out. Bora just smiles softly and studies her, knowing fully she shouldn’t overstep her boundaries. She couldn’t help herself with this close distance to the woman, the need to tell her everything that happened, that she felt, over the past three years sits on the tip of her tongue, just waiting for Bora to open her mouth wide enough to spill.

“I miss you too.”

It wasn’t more than a whisper but Bora’s smile widens anyways. Those little words have more power over her than she would like to admit. Still not sure what would be the best thing to do next, she settles to listen to her heart for once and hugs Siyeon tightly.

She can feel the taller tense for a second and Bora is about to regret everything she ever did when Siyeon takes her time to let herself fall into her. Eventually, they both melt in the embrace and Bora once again realizes that she could never get over Lee Siyeon. Not with her body reacting like it’s set on fire and finally at home at the same time. Not with her mind still reminding her of all that left-over information she could never get rid off about Siyeon. Just like her body remembers every curve and every smile, her brain can still name Siyeon’s favourite girl name or how long her tea takes to set.

“I know we need time.” Siyeon whispers and Bora wants to say she heard hope in her voice for the first time in years. “I need time.”

The older slowly steps away from their hug, a grin hanging from her lips. “I know. It’s for the better, neither of us is ready yet.” Bora glances over her shoulder. When she meets Siyeon’s eyes again, her grin widens. “Do you want to maybe get out of this bathroom and talk at a more private place? You know, to waste some time.”

Siyeon takes a shuddering breath and all of that worry that had built up inside her since long before the interview slowly vanishes. She can’t hide that little smile creeping onto her face and nods gently, “I’m really curious to hear about your dance studio.”

“You know, if you told me this before the interview I would’ve easily ripped your head off. But now, well… I have my keys on me.”

Chapter Text

4 months later

Siyeon bops her head to the song in her headphones. Their old group chat has never been more alive. She smiles down at her phone and moves to answer the newest message that plopped up on her screen when she hears the radio host start his introduction. She hurriedly puts her smartphone away and tunes all of her attention to the host, she has to at least try and be nice to him. No matter how much she actually enjoyed the interview, she can’t wait to get home again.

“So, a frequently asked question, did you take part in writing and producing for your album?”

“Yes,” Siyeon smiles happily. It surely is one of the answers she is most proud of. “I did most of it by myself with the help of my friend and producer Dami.”

“Dami as in your ex-bandmate, producer and CEO of Dream Entertainment, Lee Yubin?” Siyeon hums affirmative. Yubin doesn’t love to be dragged into the public like this, but she gave Siyeon her okay if it happened.

“Ah that’s cool!” The host continues without dwelling too long on her response. Siyeon contemplates if he was going to mention the that she recently joined Dream Entertainment or anything about the group. She isn’t too sure if he even knew Dreamcatcher or saw them in their active years. He looks a bit too young to be debuted when they were still seven on stage. Siyeon manoeuvres her mind back, she doesn’t really need to care about the young man or analyse anything.

“So, what inspired you to write such songs? Because might I add, the variety of emotions, from sad and rocky ballads to up-beat love confessions, is amazing. And there was one reoccurring theme, right?”

“Yeah well,” Siyeon chuckles, she feels weird, even after a few interviews, to talk about her actual inspiration. “It’s all mostly about my life and my feelings, with everything I’ve been through. The most influence on my life being my family. And for the theme, I wrote a lot about the concept of someone losing the one they thought was their soulmate.”

“And I think I can confess this here,” she goes on with a smile, “I met my soulmate already. It did a lot of inspiring for this album and even though we went through so much, I still love them to pieces. I could probably publish a few more albums filled with songs just about them.”

“I surely won’t complain about more chart-topping albums like this one!” He laughs, a dimple in his smile, and shuffles through his cards for the next question.

“There have been many controversies around your disbandment with Dreamcatcher, what you did in these past years and even before, there had been some rocks in your path. Did any of that affect you as an artist and the way you wrote this album?”

So he does know Dreamcatcher, she thinks. Siyeon keeps her eyes on the host and tries not to stress. She got better at talking about all of her past, but sometimes it’s still conflicting and her body tenses almost out of reflex.

“Definitely. The time in the group were defining years for me. It was practically our whole youth that we spend together and in the eye of the public. I think that shapes you as an artist and as a person. After leaving, I had a bit of growing up on my own to do.”

Siyeon can see how the host looks amazed by her honest answers, finding more interest in her every passing minute. He doesn’t even eye his cards anymore and just comfortably asks Siyeon his own questions.

“Is there anything that you learned in general or about yourself while writing and processing with this album? Did it help you growing?”

“I believe we always grow with new challenges and things we achieve in life. But I had to learn a lot, like loving yourself before you could love anyone else. Same with trust and forgiving. And when you listen to the songs, you might just catch a few things. I won’t really ever explain each song in detail, but the album is about growing and finally starting a new chapter you waited so long for.”

He smiles at her as if to say he understood.

“Coming back to the recent Dreamcatcher interview, how was being interviewed with the whole group together after so long?”

“Oh it was nerve-wracking.” Siyeon laughs, “It was really strange and somehow unfamiliar. I mean the girls are great and we had somehow no real trouble to fit back together again. But it’s so strange to sit in front of a camera after so long.”

“Yeah, I can imagine.” He chuckles, “Remind me again, how long had it been?”

“About three years.” She sighs.

“Oh, that’s a long time where so much can change. Is there anything from the time then or even now, that your fans would be surprised to hear? Some TMI?”

She hummed in thought so the listeners wouldn’t just listen to static noise. “That a few months prior to our disbandment, I started to resent cameras.”

The host let out a surprised sound and makes Siyeon almost regret opening up. But she doesn’t when she sees something like sympathy and understanding glistering in his eyes.

“Really? Can you talk us through that? What does that feel like to be a public figure but hating cameras?”

“I’d rather not, if I’m honest.” Siyeon politely declines. She shifts in her seat, for the first time in the whole sitting, when she notes his confusion. “It’s just not something I’m comfortable talking about right now. I didn’t really hate them. I was just so overworked and exhausted that even the thought of an interview or someone wanting a picture, I felt tremendously stressed.”

There was just so much she couldn’t even begin to put into words and only bits of it Siyeon was actually able to include in her music. Writing songs, that most definitely won’t ever reach the light of day, helped a lot with the whole process of mostly forgiving herself. She found her voice in music again and once she did, she couldn’t put down her pen or let her voice rest for more than half a day. Suddenly everything around her made good inspiration. She felt lighter than ever before with new ideas and energy. So much, Siyeon was wary at first and then prayed she never loses her gift again.

“Okay, well I’m very happy you honoured us with your presence today. This is one of the only few interviews you’ll be doing for this promotion, right?”

“Yes. I won’t be doing any shows nor many interviews, only a handful of radio shows and live concerts for my fans.” It was her own idea and she is proud of it, like everything she did with her first own album.

“Wow so you’re really rare to catch these days?”

Siyeon laughs politely. She doesn’t explain further, he wouldn’t get her reasons anyways, she decides. “You could say that, yeah.”

“But in general, this won’t be your last interview?”

“No,” Siyeon chuckles, already picturing parts of her next promotion that would only run at her pace as it was now. She finally has control over her own career and the path of it. She loves the stage too much to give it up. “It won’t.”

The host once again went through his notes. “Okay last question we’re asking all of our guests. How do you picture a perfect day?”

“I’m home, sitting at my little window seat with plenty of pillows and blankets, reading my favourite book, drinking tea and watching the clouds.”

The host seems impressed by her fast answer. Most guests probably talk about meeting fans or have something musical in their day, Siyeon guesses. But she couldn’t care less about what anyone thought about her day. It’s her favourite thing to do on rainy weekends or sun setting afternoons, and nobody’s opinion would change that.

Once the interview finishes, Siyeon hurries out the studio and into her car, off to her warm and waiting home. She didn’t despise the day packed with interviews or shows but nothing could ever compare to the great comfort of her house. The smell of coffee in the morning and tea in the evening that travels to perfectly around the rooms.

She drives along the same old streets she did years ago. So much has changed, yet it somehow still stayed the same. The buildings are buzzing with new technology but the people hurrying around still have the same need of getting home or to their loved ones faster than traffic allows.

At the thought of coming home to someone she loved, Siyeon needs to grip the wheel a little tighter, feel the leather to ground herself.

Bora and her took it slow. Maybe too slow. Because slow doesn’t really work for them anymore. Another thing they matured on, they both don’t tiptoe around their feelings as much as they did before. It was true, they needed time. But neither knew how much of it they needed and life is to be lived fast these days.

Siyeon was terrified that she would need too long to get herself together. That Bora’s time for her would run out before Siyeon could even manage to stand and fight. There is just something so fragile yet stable about their feelings and emotions. She would forever be an emotional person, easily triggered tears could fall. Right now, would not be a good time to let go and cry it out though.

Although she knows the danger of it so very well, Siyeon lets her mind wander at the next red light. She let tiny bits, as best as she can manage, of her memories flood her mind with her fears. What would happen if Bora decided she couldn’t wait anymore? That she couldn’t set her life on pause for Siyeon. If she got tired of Siyeon’s constant need of improvement to her mental health.

Luckily, she soon reaches her driveway and parks her car with a heavy heart. It was stupid and foolish, she knows, but that never stopped her mind from forming tears as it seemed fit. As she takes the first step into her house, she feels relieved instantly. The warm and woody scent of comfort clouding her brain and successfully flushing almost every thought out through the back door. She could set down all that invisible weight at the doorstep of her home.

But her home is more than just that building or some smell that comes with it and goes once the windows open. It’s not a cage she retreats to once she escaped reality for long enough to make it seem reasonable for an adult like her. Home isn’t a city she left far too often to remember the streets and drive without navigation. Nor is it depression, that, no matter how much Siyeon fought when it tried to make a home out of her head, never left.

“Hey baby!” Bora beams at her from the kitchen, looking oh so perfect in her new apron. A light at the end of the tunnel. Siyeon remembers how happy Bora was about her little gift, she could cry at again at the memory.

This was home. She can feel home in her heart and up to her fingertips when she balances a strain of Bora’s brown hair in her hands. It’s around her when she falls into the warmth of their bed, listing to each other’s heart beats or the falling rain. Home is when she recharges her energy at peace or loudly celebrates new music in the living room. She feels home even without anyone’s doing. Siyeon was capable alone. She felt home with Bora. And both things worked without crossing each other out. It is a new thing Siyeon is proud to learn.

Bora’s smile fades quickly into worry once she notices the shimmering eyes and that frown standing at the door.

“What’s wrong?” she panics, scanning Siyeon for any indicator to her tears as she moves over to her. “Siyeon? Are you okay, what happened?”

Siyeon throws her arms around Bora and hides her face. All her emotions just overcome her and she need the safety of the elder’s warmth. Damn her stupid tears.

“I thought I was too late,” Siyeon croaks out and Bora has to strain her ears to catch all of the broken whisper between the sobs. She hugs her even closer. They stay like that for a while, just hugging and Bora soothing her with one hand in Siyeon’s hair.

It wasn’t the answer Bora hoped for, clearly. Earlier, she asked Siyeon when she would be home so she could start dinner and dinner wasn’t even cold yet. What was she talking about?

“But you’re not late, Singnie. The food is still warm.”

Siyeon let out a wet chuckle, letting Bora wipe the tears that ran down her cheeks. “I didn’t mean the food.” A deep breath in, and out again. “Did you listen to the interview just now?”

Bora nodded so she continues, “Well, all of that talk about how many rocks we climbed on our way made me realize that I was almost too late. That I lost you for good. You know all that ‘the one that got away’ thing. God, I’ve wrote so many songs about it.”

It didn’t take them years to fall back together again in that already familiar feeling of home. It was as if almost no time passed in-between now and then. Did even enough time pass for her to improve enough?

But this time around, Bora stayed. They both did. And Siyeon smiles down at her, seeing the worry mix with affection and pure love. She leans forward, wanting to taste all of that love only for her.

“Please,” Siyeon rasps out, voice raw and eyes burning. “I don’t ever want to miss you like that again. I just can’t.”

“I promise, you won’t have to.” Bora whispers close to her lips before she closes the gap between them. “Not going anywhere without you.”

The kiss is soft and gentle but needy of love. Bora is already familiar with Siyeon’s sudden outbursts of emotions. It never annoyed her, which she has to assure the younger almost every time after she calmed down. Meanwhile Bora could never imagine a life where Siyeon wasn’t as attuned to her heart. Handong could probably prove her different but she doesn’t want to know.

After a while, Siyeon let’s go of Bora and slowly the music in the background seems to get louder. It was a happy playlist they loved to dance in the kitchen to. She follows the older back to the food on the stove and her eyes fall on something on the table to her right. Freshly cut flowers in one of Bora’s self-made vases adore the room. They remind her of her favourite shade of Bora’s lipstick.

Although she doesn’t need to say anything, the little smile on Bora’s lips tells Siyeon that the older had seen her fondness of the flowers. Bora would always pick up on small details and loves to decorate that way. There had been many days, the singer came home to find little love notes hidden in her bookshelves or cute pictures in other secret places that took her longer to find than Bora withstand not to tell her.

“Singnie, go wash up, dinner is almost ready.”

She does as she is told, but somewhere her body switches on auto-pilot and Siyeon lets herself daydream like it happens so often when she’s tired. She catches sight of a warm sweater on the bed next to her sweatpants. And maybe Bora put it out for her on purpose, she loves to think that way. Of course, the older would always deny but Siyeon knows she loves to see her in cuddly stuff. It hasn’t even been half a year but yet she lost count of what is her side of the wardrobe and what isn’t. Siyeon just picks what she supposes her size or matches her style. And what if she wore some of the big hoodies of her girlfriend? They seem to practically scream her name, Bora wouldn’t need those oversize ones anyways.

“Maybe I should come to your next interview to make sure they don’t stress you so much.”

Siyeon didn’t even realize when Bora came into the room, leaning against the doorframe, watching her roam around. She turns and stares in confusion.

“You’re a bit out of it, they stressed you too much, didn’t they?” Bora’s caring voice would never let her butterflies rest. “I can come talk to them.”

The singer shakes herself back to reality and gestures for her girlfriend to step into her open arms. With a tender smile she just glances down at her.

“I realized something.” Siyeon whispers, eyes never leaving the others. “I didn’t miss you.”

There is something about the phrase “in love” like it’s a place, somewhere you could live and make a home out of it. And Siyeon did without even realizing. She hides her chuckle from Bora’s confusion to the sudden confession and adds before the tiny woman could protest.

“I was homesick for you.”

Bora grins at her, Siyeon having explained her concept of home to her before, but there was something else in her eyes. Something so pure and unfiltered.

Love. Nothing but love.

“You sappy, lovesick puppy need to eat.” Bora tells her gently, yet pulls her into another deep kiss.

When they eat dinner and even afterwards, Bora is bubbly as always with all the new energy now that Siyeon is close to her again. Although silently happy that Siyeon picked the sweater on the bed, she makes her fondness obvious, unconsciously picking at the seam that falls over her hands. Little content sounds leave both of their hearts as they lay together on the couch after the kitchen is clean again.

“I daydreamed about you today.” Bora says softly, their limps intertwined and she halfway on top of her girlfriend. She waits for Siyeon’s reaction to continue, the tiny deep hum makes her smile further.

“About us in the future and how we’re going on those long walks together. Hand in hand we’re going to realize how hard winter hits and how nice fresh air is when we’ve been inside all day. You’re going to wear on of my self-made beanies with so much pride and the most arguing we’re going to have is about how the colour might not match to your gloves or how my pockets are too small to fit both of our hands at once. I’m walking as fast as always and you pull me back a little to warm me up for a little while longer because somehow, even with all of my energy, I’m still cold all the time. See how happy we are?”

The older lifts her head from her place on Siyeon’s shoulder. She meets that loving smile of hers and Siyeon’s eyes start to water again but she didn’t seem to realize yet.

“Coming back home from the cold outside, snuggling on the couch, blankets, hot cocoa and you.” Siyeon’s voice is raw with emotion. “Sounds like my dream too.”

“I can’t wait for our forever.”