Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kim Dokja sighed, cramping himself into the corner of the train seat. It had been a week and a half since the house party. He looked at his phone, rereading the invite to coffee he'd gotten from Han Sooyoung. He honestly wouldn't have even accepted if it wasn't for Sooyoung insisting and promising to pay for his drink. Sooyoung paying for anything was a feat all on its own. Thus he decided to order something expensive and disgustingly sweet if only so he could watch her foot the bill. A silent payback for dragging him from his routine.

He hadn't, however, expected the train to be this busy at this hour. Was there an event happening around here somewhere? Kim Dokja looked back at his phone, opening up a webnovel to pass the time. Whatever, it's not that important. The train stopped, and the person sitting beside Dokja stood and exited the train car. Kim Dokja relaxed a little, feeling minorly less cramped after shifting away from the metal armrest. He had at least two more stops before he could get off the train. He didn't bother to look up when the train moved and stalled again.

"Do you mind if I sit here?"

Dokja looked up from his phone and had to blink a couple of times to confirm what he was seeing.

Woah.

The person in front of him was handsome enough to slap Yoo Joonghyuk's face at least once and perhaps he was even a couple centimeters taller than him. His features were sharp but elegant with a straight nose, high cheekbones, and a strong jawline, not unlike an ice sculpture carved with precision and grace. His dark hair was tidy, falling just short of his eyeline. Those eyes were what completed the almost ethereal picture in front of Dokja. They were narrow with long eyelashes framing pale, cold grey irises that reminded one of an early morning fog or a storm brewing over the sea. 

The stranger tilted his head, still waiting for an answer. 

Kim Dokja snapped out of his reverie and nodded several times, unable to find his voice in his panic. He shifted back into the cramped corner, still reeling at the fact someone so handsome spoke to him. The shock quickly faded, the smile of a certain pro-gamer coming to mind. You are a fool, Kim Dokja. He thought, a familiar voice overlaying it at the same time. It wasn't that long ago that he always had the attention of a particularly handsome man. Kim Dokja bitterly turned back to his phone, attempting to bury the thoughts in his mind with whatever story he'd previously opened. He heard the train announce his stop. Dokja haphazardly shoved his phone in his pocket, stood up, then quickly exited the train. He failed to notice that the phone hadn't been secure where he'd placed it and was left behind on the train car seat. 

Dokja rushed to the place where he and Sooyoung had predefined for their meeting. The park was a bit out of the way for both of them, but they had chosen it for that reason. There were no… memories attached here. 

"Hey! Dokja!"

He spun around and spotted the short figure of Sooyoung jogging over to him. He waved, pulling his face into a polite smile. "Why are you acting so excited to see me? It's barely been over a week." He greeted once the woman caught up to him.

"Shut up. Who said I was excited?" She scoffed, latching onto his arm. "Come on. I have it under good authority that the place I texted you about is one of the best in town."

Kim Dokja sighed and allowed her to drag him. It was a short walk, no longer than maybe 10 minutes. However, in that 10 minutes his ears were filled with the irritated chatter of Han Sooyoung as she complained about her most recent editor's critiques against her work, only shutting up once they finally reached their destination. The establishment was small, but had a comfortable feeling. The sort of place he would have liked to go on a date once upon a time. Dokja bit the inside of his cheek. 

Stop thinking about him, idiot.  

"Are you coming, or are you just going to stand there?" Han Sooyoung looked back at him, hand on the door handle of the cafe.

Kim Dokja forced his business smile onto his face with practiced ease and stepped forward. "I'm coming." 

The duo stepped into the building. It was clean and the atmosphere was warm, soothing some of Dokja's nerves. There were a couple of potted plants scattered around on the windowsill and most of the furniture was wooden and well loved. They walked over to the counter, and he immediately began to scrutinize the menu.

"Why are you looking at it so hard? You look like you are trying to figure out the cure to cancer." His best friend looked at him with narrowed, suspicious eyes.

"I'm trying to figure out what combinations would be the best way to drain your pockets while still being something drinkable." Dokja smirked, seeing Sooyoung's gobsmacked face out of the corner of his eye.

"Kim Dokja don't you fucking da–"

Dokja spoke before she could cut him off, "Excuse me, could I get a large triple shot caramel and chocolate frappuccino with extra whipped cream?"

"Son of a bitch–"

"Of course, anything else?" The barista smiled, her orange hair swaying as she turned her head. 

"Yes, a chocolate cookie too. Plus I think my friend would also like to order."

Han Sooyoung came forward, grumbling under her breath. Once she looked up at the barista, she managed to smile. "A mocha with extra cream and a brownie, please."

"Alright, would that be all?"

"Yes."

"The total comes out to 30300 won." The girl said cheerfully.

Han Sooyoung's face was completely blank when she heard the price. 

He grinned down at her, "You promised."

 She cursed violently before pulling out her wallet. "You are a bastard."

Dokja laughed as Sooyoung coughed up the cash, feeling a lightness he hadn't in a while. 

After paying, we walked to the other side of the counter. I heard Han Sooyoung's phone ping. She looked at it and frowned.

"Hey, Squid brain, do you have your phone?"

"Huh? Yeah it's right–" Dokja reached into the pocket he usually had it in and found it empty. He blinked. Patting down all his pockets he could feel his anxiety spike. "Shit. I‐ I must have dropped it while getting off the train..."

His best friends snorted, texting away, "Yea that would explain why I got a text from you just now. Or rather from not-you."  

Kim Dokja looked at her with shaking eyes, "Can you ask them if they would be willing to meet up somewhere close by today?"

"Way ahead of you. They said they'll meet us here in 20 minutes."

Dokja sighed in relief. "I'll have to pay them back somehow later…"

"No shit." Han Sooyoung chuckled, "I can't believe the phone addict lost his phone."

"Shut up."

The barista handed them their drinks and the duo stepped away from the counter. They chose a table near one of the large front windows and sat down. 

"... I wanted to apologize for what happened at the house party. I didn't expect him to bring a ‘plus one’." Han Sooyoung's voice was softer than her usual tone. 

Dokja didn't say anything, instead using a straw to take a sip of his drink. Neither did I. He looked at her and smiled, "Don't worry about it. It's not your fault. Besides, it's fine."

"The fuck it is. I still don't feel like I said enough after you left."

Kim Dokja stared at Han Sooyoung with wide eyes, "You said something to him?"

"Did you really think I wouldn't? Bastard did what is probably the most inconsiderate thing possible. Not even I would do something so tactless." She hissed, looking out the window angrily. "And I wasn't the only one. By the time we were done with him, his girlfriend looked suitably uncomfortable and I'm pretty sure if she didn't stop him he would have decked either me or Huiwon, but he deserved that."

Embarrassment nestled itself into Dokja's chest, while at the same time he smiled softly, glad he had such good friends. "You didn't need to do that."

"As your best friend, I would be lower than a dog if I didn't step up to defend you from such bullshit." Sooyoung looked back at him, puffing her chest out proudly. "I only waited until you left because I didn't want you to be uncomfortable. Plus you definitely would have stopped us."

He laughed slightly, "Yeah, you are probably right."

The conversation turned lighter from there.  Kim Dokja listened to Han Sooyoung talk about the struggles of getting used to a new house, while she listened to him talk about work or whatever webnovel he'd read that week. The first completely natural smile he'd had in a while formed on his face. 

"Hello again."

Kim Dokja stiffened, turning to look up towards the same handsome stranger that had sat next to him some 40 minutes ago on the train. "Ah." Dokja got to his feet. "Hello, uhm…"

"Sung Jinwoo." The man, no, Sung Jinwoo held out his hand. Kim Dokja took the offered hand and shook it. Sung Jinwoo's hand was large, but slender. Familiar calluses covered his palms and fingers that Dokja recognized came from using game controllers for long hours on end.

"Hello Sung Jinwoo, I'm Kim Dokja." He replied as he let go of Sung Jinwoo's hand.

"Kim Dokja… as in reader?"

Dokja's eyes widened, "Yes, exactly."

"It's a good name." Sung Jinwoo's smile was small, but that wasn't what made Dokja's heart tremble.

Has anyone ever said that to me before…?

Han Sooyoung loudly slurped her coffee behind him.

Sung Jinwoo looked at her. "Oh. It seems I interrupted your date."

Kim Dokja froze where he stood and Han Sooyoung choked on her coffee.

"N– No. We aren't together like that." Dokja rushed to explain, horrified at the conclusion Jinwoo had come to. "We are just friends, besides I'm not pretty enough for her tastes."

Sung Jinwoo gave him a strange smile, "I don't know about that."

"He lacks boobs." Han Sooyoung cackled between coughs. 

Jinwoo blinked before nodding in understanding. "I see."

Kim Dokja was sure it had to be his imagination that Jinwoo appeared almost relieved. 

"Well, I only came here to give this back to you." The tall male pulled a smartphone from his jacket pocket, holding it out to Kim Dokja. 

Kim Dokja gingerly took the device back, opening it to check before sighing in relief. "Thank you so much."

"It's fine." An electronic chime sounded out and Jinwoo looked at his watch with a slight frown. He began to turn away, "Sorry, I have to go or I'll run late to a prior appointment."

Dokja stepped forward, "Hey, wait, I'd like to pay you back for coming all this way to return my phone." 

Jinwoo stared at Dokja for a moment. "Give me your hand for a moment."

Frowning slightly, Kim Dokja held his hand out to the other man. 

Sung Jinwoo pulled out a pen, then took the offered hand and scrawled something across his palm. Once he was done, Jinwoo began to jog out of the store. "I'll see you again sometime."

Dokja nodded robotically, watching the taller man leave. 

"Damn. I'm impressed, Dokja." The shit eating grin on Sooyoung's face could be heard in her voice. "You have better game than I thought."

He looked at his best friend with a withering stare, "What nonsense are you spouting now?"

"You just snagged the number of a guy who has looks on par with that Bastard and expect me to say nothing? Seriously? Who do you think I am?"

"The wicked witch of the west." Dokja answered by habit with a grin.

She threw a sugar packet at him, which he dodged.

He sat back down onto his chair. "Besides, the only reason he gave me his number was so I could pay him back."

Han Sooyoung scoffed, shaking her head. "You dated someone for 3 years and you are still somehow embarrassingly dense when it comes to people hitting on you." She stopped for a moment, "Then again that Bastard’s form of flirting wasn't what could be called standard, so I guess it makes sense that you couldn't know what it looked like when a normal person does it."

Kim Dokja rolled his eyes, entered the number into his reacquired cellphone and sent an introduction text. He decided to not think about Sooyoung's second statement. "You have an overactive imagination."

"And you are a blind idiot."

Later, after both had retired for the day and Dokja was back home, he got a barrage of texts from Sooyoung, all news articles. 

[After long battle, Pro-gaming Team's 5 year winning streak broken by a dark horse]

[Conquering King's Team Defeated?]

[Beginning of New Era in Pro-Gaming after Conquering King's Defeat?]

[Pro-Gamer Yoo Joonghyuk's 5 year winning streak broken by a younger upstart]

The titles were enough for Kim Dokja to almost drop his phone. However, that wasn't what made him stumble and flop down onto his couch. No, what surprised him the most was how familiar the face of the person who'd defeated Joonghyuk was. The very man who'd given him his number earlier looked back at him from his phone. Kim Dokja opened his text messages and sent a short message.

Sung Jinwoo  

Congratulations on the win, Sung Jinwoo-ssi.–

He wasn't sure how this happened.

Three days later, Kim Dokja followed through on his promise to pay Sung Jinwoo back. Or at least that had been the plan. Meeting for lunch had gone as intended, and the conversation, while a little awkward at first, didn't take long to flow smoothly. 

It was towards the end that things suddenly steered off course.

If they had followed the script, Kim Dokja would have paid for the meal and that would be it. The two of them probably would never speak to each other again. They would have gone their separate ways and lived very different lives.

Obviously, that isn't what happened at all.

Kim Dokja had gone to the bathroom, texting Han Sooyoung that he was fine and not stuffed in the trunk of a very handsome serial killer’s car or something equally unlikely. However, when he returned, Jinwoo had already paid the bill and was watching Dokja with a small mischievous smile.

Han Sooyoung listened to Kim Dokja recount all of this with a smug smile. "Hm. How kind of him."

"No! Not kind! That lunch was supposed to pay him back for my debt!" Dokja scolded, fake offended. If he wasn't trying to avoid his own apartment he wouldn't have agreed to this meeting.

"I guess you'll just have to pay him back next time." Han Sooyoung's smirk only got wider. 

"That is exactly what he said to me… he even refused when I tried to pay him back for the lunch right there." Somehow Dokja felt like he was being tricked.

Sooyoung threw her head back as she began to laugh, "How are you so dumb? Oh my God!"

"Just shut up." He scowled at her. "What am I supposed to do now?"

"What do you mean 'What am I supposed to do now?'' She wheezed, "Obviously you keep going on dates with him!"

"They aren't dates ."

Sooyoung controlled her laughter with several deep breaths, "Uh-huh. Sure."

"They aren't!" Dokja looked down at his phone, surprised to see an odd notification from the gallery app.

"If you say so." Han Sooyoung's smirk dropped while watching Dokja's face. "What is it?"

Kim Dokja clicked his phone screen off, lips thin. "It's nothing."

"Bullshit." Sooyoung darted forward, snatching Dokja's phone before he could stop her. 

「On this day 2 years ago: 20190423_163710.png」

It was a photo of himself and Joonghyuk, cuddled up on Dokja's couch. Joonghyuk was pressing a kiss to Dokja's temple while Dokja was taking the photo. It was a sweet photo turned to a bittersweet memory.

"Oh fuck no."

Kim Dokja watched his best friend quickly swiping his gallery with narrowed eyes and eyebrows twitching.

"Okay, get your ass over here." Sooyoung beckoned him over and he reluctantly complied. "I'm going to give you two options."

She put the phone between the two of them.

"We can just crop that Bastard out of the photos of you, and delete his solo photos." She gestured to another photo of Kim Dokja with Yoo Joonghyuk; they were hugging, there was a small smile on Joonghyuk's face and a light in his eyes that Kim Dokja missed dearly. "Or we can just delete all of these."

"I don't want to do either of those things, Sooyoung–"

"Dokja, listen to me." Han Sooyoung turned to him, placing a firm but gentle hand on his shoulder. "It isn't good to keep holding on to these now. That Bastard doesn't deserve you. You can make new memories, you don't need to keep these."

Kim Dokja's eyes shook as he looked into hers. "Okay." His voice came out weak, barely above a whisper. "Okay. Let's delete them."

Han Sooyoung handed him the phone, and starting from the bottom he began to select photos. Dokja could hear his heart in his ears, and if those were tears falling down his face and blurring his vision, neither he nor Sooyoung mentioned it.

Dokja bit into the cheap pizza that Jinwoo paid for. Again. "You know you are making it really hard to pay you back. At this rate I'm going to have a life-long debt to you. This is what? The 6th time?" 

Jinwoo hummed, the way his eyes caught the light in a way that almost made them seem to glow was accented with a small smirk. "How unfortunate."

Kim Dokja forced himself to swallow, pounding on his chest some, coughing as he began to laugh.

After a lot of convincing, Dokja had conceded to Sooyoung's insistence that these were dates. Honestly, Kim Dokja had been anxious when he accepted this fact, until he realized that Jinwoo was willing to wait for Dokja to lower his walls all on his own. The relief had been enough for Dokja to actually initiate hand holding on their 4th date. 

The only drawback was the guilt. 

Which brings them back to the present. 

Dokja took a deep breath with closed eyes, looking down into his lap while fidgeting with the white sleeves of his cardigan. The air was ripped from his lungs when a gentle but calloused hand reached for his own. Kim Dokja raised his gaze to meet Sung Jinwoo's gentle one. 

I need to tell him. 

This can't go on without me telling him.

"Hey, so uhm. I need to talk to you about some things." Dokja started, inwardly cursing at how awkward he was at this sort of thing. Emotional vulnerability was never his specialty.

Jinwoo sat up straighter, turning to fully face Dokja, "Okay."

"Three, almost four months ago my boyfriend of three years broke up with me." He looked back down towards his lap. "I'm… I'm still not over him. Not really. I mean, I'm getting better but I still–"

"Dokja, it's okay." 

Kim Dokja stopped and looked back up at those grey eyes. "What?"

"It's okay. I had a feeling there was something like that."

"H-How? And are you sure that you are okay with this? You are too good for me and I don't want to accidentally use you as a rebound or something–"

Jinwoo covered Dokja's mouth with his free hand, a deep chuckle rumbling from within his chest, "You have a talent for overthinking." He moved his hand from the smaller man's lips to cup his face. "I knew something was holding you back because you have been looking guilty since our third date. And the fact that most people would have tried to kiss me by the third date if they hadn't prior."

"Ah." Kim Dokja laughed bitterly, "Am I that obvious."

"I don't think it would be to most people." Jinwoo looked thoughtful for a moment. "But I pay a lot more attention to you than most."

Dokja pouted slightly, feeling heat rising to his face. "That was too smooth."

The taller man smirked, "Was it?"

"Yes." Black eyes closed and he nodded solemnly. "I'd say you even deserve a punishment for it."

Jinwoo blinked and raised his eyebrows, "Oh? What kind of punishment?"

Kim Dokja breathed in deeply, smirking and watched Jinwoo's reaction. He ignored how his heart had both squeezed and began to race. "This kind."

He grabbed Jinwoo by his jacket, near the other's waist, and pulled the taller man close. The sudden shift in position made Jinwoo release Dokja's face and instead brace himself on the couch. Once they were face to face and chest to chest, Dokja tilted his head up. Dokja gave Jinwoo plenty of time to pull away as he leaned in. Neither of them pulled back, instead they closed their eyes when their lips met. The kiss wasn't gentle, but it was chaste. 

Dokja broke away first, "Are you sure this is what you want? I can't give you my all, not yet at least."

"Yes." Jinwoo took this chance to shift his balance and moved to weave his fingers into Dokja's hair. "We can go at your pace. I'm willing to wait and make time for you."

Dokja smiled and kissed Jinwoo again before the other saw the tears filling his eyes. They folded into each other, mouths turned up in smiles. Dokja's hands released Jinwoo's coat and then wrapped his arms around Jinwoo, resting his hands at the small of his back. 

"I think I am going to block his number."

Jung Huiwon looked up from where she was cleaning the counter. "I'm surprised you haven't yet."

Kim Dokja bit his lower lip, "I… I think some part of me was hoping he would call and take it all back." He sighed, "It's stupid."

Huiwon gave him a strange look. "Well, I would have done it myself if it wasn't for Hyunsung stopping me. I think Han Sooyoung already blocked him."

Dokja snapped out his daze of staring at the contact information. "You don't need to do that, I don't want to tear the group apart because of this…"

"You aren't the only one who is mad at him, Kim Dokja." She hissed, scrubbing harder. "I was your friend first before I was his, and his complete disregard for your feelings was too much. I still can't believe he moved on after a month."

He stared at her and sighed. "Alright." Kim Dokja stared down at his phone. "Okay." He tapped the block button and Yoo Jonghyuk's profile picture became the default color, lacking a proper photo. Dokja pushed the phone away from himself. "I did it."

Jung Huiwon grinned at him. "Should we commemorate with a drink on the house?"

"God no, it's barely 3 in the afternoon!" 

Huiwon laughed at Dokja's scandalized face. She put the rag down and pulled out her cellphone. "Fine fine, but I want a selfie with you at least." 

Kim Dokja shook his head but posed with her for the photo and helped her choose fun filters and stickers. 「Finally Blocked His Number」was written in fancy text on the lower half of the picture. 

"I'm sending this to Sooyoung."

He laughed hard at her stern voice, he’d never been so glad to have such good friends.

Kim Dokja smiled as he scrolled through his phone. Han Sooyoung had uploaded a new chapter to her most recent novel. 

"Dokja-ah." 

He looked up and spotted Sung Jinwoo jogging over. 

"I hope I didn't make you wait."

Dokja looked at the time with raised eyebrows. "What are you talking about, you were on time." He laughed.

"And yet you beat me here." The calm, warm, and adoring smile on Jinwoo's face made him even more handsome than he already was.

Kim Dokja felt his face flush and he redirected his gaze. "Come on, one of my friends recommended this bar."

Jinwoo followed next to Dokja, wrapping his arm around the smaller man's shoulders and pulling him close. 

Dokja smiled up at Jinwoo and wrapped a hand around the other man's waist. With his free hand he reached forward and opened the door to the bar. 

The interior was clean and not overly crowded. The warm lights and smiling but softly spoken people within the room created an atmosphere that Dokja approved of. Huiwon never failed him in recommendation for nice date spots. Not that he told her he was going on a date, but she had good taste even without actively thinking of where to bring someone you are interested in. Dokja spotted a small booth in the back and pointed it out.

"You go save us a spot, I'll get the drinks." Dokja stated, already stepping away from Jinwoo to walk towards the counter.

"I can get the drinks."

"Nuh-uh. No way. I'm paying this time. You paid the last 8 times." Dokja narrowed his eyes at Jinwoo, pointing a finger at him threateningly, "I'm not going to keep mooching off of you, I'm not broke or anything."

Jinwoo held his hands up in surrender, chuckling. "Okay. I'll get the seats."

Dokja straightened and put his hand on his hip, "Good boy." He spun back around, marching forward towards the counter. Dokja looked at the menu for a moment then pulled out his wallet to fish out some money, "Excuse me, I'd like to get a bottle of C1 Blue and two glasses please." 

The bartender smiled at him turning to get his drink but then paused. "Are you Kim Dokja?"

Dokja blinked, "Yes?"

The man's face brightened, "Go ahead and put your money away and wait right here for a moment." 

Kim Dokja stood frozen to the spot, smiling awkwardly. Robotically he put the bills away and looked towards where the bartender had disappeared to. 

A minute later the man returned with a medium bottle of Yeonyeop-ju from a more expensive local brand. "Our friend Huiwon-ssi prepared this ahead of time for you."

Dokja stared at the alcohol, silently impressed. Huiwon must have the wrong impression of why I came here. He chuckled and took the bottle. "Tell her my thanks."

"Of course." He produced two shot glasses and slid them across the counter towards Dokja. 

Dokja nodded towards the man while picking up the glasses with one hand. He found his way through the room towards where Jinwoo was fiddling with his phone. "I'm back!"

Jinwoo looked up and smiled, slipping his phone into his pocket. He examined the bottle when Kim Dokja set it down on the table. "You bought this?"

The shorter man laughed and sat down, "No, my friend surprised me by buying this ahead of time. So I wasn't able to make a dent in my debt this time. Next time though…"

It didn't escape Dokja's notice how Jinwoo seemed a touch relieved as Dokja poured them both a drink with experience.

He must have panicked for a second thinking I have expensive taste. 

Cute.

Dokja chuckled as he drank his shot. The alcohol was sweet and mild, only a hint of a floral undertone. It tasted like money. Dokja frankly didn't want to know how much Huiwon dropped on this drink.

Two hours passed faster than Dokja planned, with easy conversation and flirting that got bolder with every pass. They had emptied the bottle, with Jinwoo finishing most of it. Dokja enjoyed the certain lightness he felt as the world swayed slightly around him and the gentle heat on his face. 

"You don't hold your liquor well, do you?" Jinwoo chuckled, watching him with affection clear on his face.

"Mmm perhaps." Dokja watched Jinwoo's mouth as he spoke while leaning heavily on his palm and still lonely holding his empty shot glass. His alcohol-addled brain not bothering to disguise the comfortable joy he gets when looking at Jinwoo. 

His lips are thinner than Joonghyuk's.

I wonder how they taste right now.

Jinwoo looked down at his watch, "We should probably get you home."

"Yeah, I am supposed to meet up with some friends tomorrow." Dokja sighed and pouted, "My ex will probably be there with his new girlfriend again."

"Oh, hm, well–"

"I don't want to see them." Dokja scowled, glaring off to the side at nothing, remembering the way Joonghyuk had held the pretty girl. The shot glass clinked against the table as he set it down. "He started dating her a month after we broke up. 3 years and all it takes is 4 weeks to move on. Bastard. Shows how much he cared." Dokja watched as Jinwoo frowned out of the corner of his eye.

 "I see. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that."

He smiled again and looked back at Jinwoo properly, reaching forward and weaving their fingers together. "It doesn't matter now, I have you."

Jinwoo's eyes widened and his face flushed. He cleared his throat, "Let's head out."

Dokja giggled, standing up with Jinwoo, not letting go of the taller man's hand. He stumbled slightly, leaning heavily on Jinwoo for balance. 

"You better not try to take me back to my home." Dokja joked, grinning. "It's sad and empty there."

Jinwoo laughed lightly, "Okay."

They walked for a while hand in hand in comfortable silence. Dokja looked up at the smog covered sky and grinned. He tugged Jinwoo closer before he released the other's hand in order to wrap his arm around the taller male. Jinwoo's face flushed deep red when he felt Dokja slightly grope his hip, his thumb catching on the waistband of Jinwoo's black pants. Dokja nuzzled into Jinwoo's neck, tickling the other with his breath. 

"W-we are here." Jinwoo tugged them forward, leading into the apartment complex while escaping from Dokja's grasp. 

The shorter chuckled watching how even the nape of Jinwoo's neck was pink.

They climbed up a few flights of stairs, Jinwoo holding Dokja's hand the whole way up. Once they reached the door of Jinwoo's apartment, Dokja stood back and admired Jinwoo from behind while the man unlocked his door. They took off their shoes at the door.

Jinwoo led them into the space, but Dokja barely paid it any mind, instead focusing his attention on the clearly nervous Jinwoo. The short man smirked when Jinwoo paused in front of the couch. 

"Jinwoo-ah."

The tall man looked at Dokja, tilting his head, completely unused to this tone of voice. "Yes?"

"Sit down."

Jinwoo sat before he knew what was happening, startled. 

Dokja stepped over, leaning down while tilting Jinwoo's face up to look up at his own. His knee pushed Jinwoo's legs apart and pressed heavily into the couch. 

"Huh? Dokja-ah?"

Before Jinwoo could say more, Dokja pressed their lips together. Both of their eyes fluttered shut. Dokja's hand moved to cup Jinwoo's face before sliding down his neck and resting right before his shoulder, placing his other hand on Jinwoo's bicep. Dokja pushed Jinwoo down, leaning the man back into the couch and breaking the kiss.

He tastes sweet.

He smirked at this realization, looking down at Jinwoo's half lidded and lust filled gaze and pink lips. Dokja shifted to straddle Jinwoo's lap, seating himself there comfortably before leaning back in to reclaim those delectable lips.

Dokja squeezed Jinwoo with his thighs as he bit the handsome man's lip. Jinwoo gasped and made a small noise in the back of his throat while Dokja ravaged his mouth. Pulling back, Kim Dokja peppered kisses down that strong jawline and nipped at the junction between Jinwoo's ear and neck. 

"Dokja-ah..." Jinwoo gasped, his back tensed and arched slightly. A shaky fist gripped the back of Dokja's shirt, not pulling him closer or pushing away, simply holding him still. Jinwoo gritted his teeth, feeling his date’s teeth graze his throat like sparks. "We should stop. You're too drunk and I'm too sober." His words came out low and breathy.

Kim Dokja sucked one last mark just below Jinwoo's collarbone before he sat up straight, pouting. "No one told you to have such a high tolerance."

Jinwoo laughed, "And no one told you to be a lightweight."

Dokja admired his handiwork with a smirk. In the limited time he'd had, he was sure that Jinwoo would have many colorful bruises in the morning. Dokja leaned in for one last kiss before climbing off the other man's lap. He settled on the couch comfortably, watching Jinwoo stand up. He liked how Jinwoo's hair looked when it was tousled this way. "So where am I going to be sleeping?"

Jinwoo looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Where do you think?"

"Well, I know where I'd like to sleep." Dokja blatantly stared at a small strip of exposed skin on Jinwoo's lower back from where his shirt had ridden up. 

Jinwoo sighed and shook his head while fixing his clothes. "Why are you bold at times like this but shy at others…"

"Well, I'm experienced at this, and..." Dokja giggled, "It's called liquid courage for a reason."

Jinwoo smiled at that, then held a hand out to help Dokja up. Dokja held that hand while Jinwoo guided them into the bedroom. "Are you sure you don't want to do anything?"

"Dokja." 

He clicked his tongue, but didn't say anything more. Kim Dokja sat on the edge of the bed and began to take his shirt off.

"What are you doing?"

"What? It's hot, and it's almost summer." Dokja replied, and finished pulling his top off. He threw it away from himself haphazardly and kicked off his socks. He laid back on the mattress and caught Jinwoo looking at him with an indescribable expression. "Like what you see?" 

Jinwoo looked away with a flushed face. He turned off the lights. "Go to sleep."

Dokja wheezed with laughter and crawled further onto the bed. He pulled only the top covers over himself. Once he felt a weight settle on the other side of the mattress and the covers finished moving, Dokja cuddled up to the other man's back, surprised to find it bare. Jinwoo's muscles stiffened slightly, but relaxed after Dokja settled by draping an arm over Jinwoo's side and pressed a chaste kiss on his nape. "Good night."

Jinwoo took a deep breath, "Good night."

Dokja was nervously sweating as Jihye poked at his side. 

"Ahjussi, did you lose weight again? Why is your shirt so baggy?"

He intentionally didn't look at Han Sooyoung beside him, somehow feeling that if he did it would incriminate him further. "I'm fine, stop poking me." Kim Dokja smacked the offending hand away without much force.

Lee Jihye gave him a dissatisfied pout in return, crossing her arms. "You should eat more."

Sighing, he shook his head and tried to keep his face straight, "Trust me, I'm eating just fine."

Han Sooyoung snickered.

Drinking the day before he was meeting up with all of his friends for the first time in a month was his first mistake. His second was removing any article of clothing he was wearing before he went to sleep. And his third and final mistake was failing to set an alarm for when he had to wake up. 

Other than the fact that he'd grabbed the wrong shirt in his rush out the door, the gathering was actually going fairly well. Even with Yoo Joonghyuk's girlfriend here, and with the dull ache in his heart, he was coping better than he thought he would. Really, it was just a simple matter of not looking at the two of them as much as he could. 

A ping from his phone made him look down.

Sung Jinwoo

–You left early

Yes sorry–

I left a note in the kitchen for you–

–It's fine

–But your shirt is here

–I am free today, do you want me to drop it off wherever you are?

Yes please–

■■■■■■■■■■■■■■–

That's the address for the park we are at–

–Let me get a shower and I'll meet you there in 30

Thank You♡–

All of Dokja's willpower went into not shrieking when he accidentally added a heart emoji on his way to hit send. His traitorous phone must still be thinking he was in a relationship.

–♡

The wheeze he made when he saw Jinwoo's reply as he was scrambling to delete the message caught Han Sooyoung's attention. He forgoed deleting the message in favor of clicking his phone off before the witch could see.

"What was that?" Sooyoung reached over him and he quickly moved it out of her reach, knowing full well she had already figured out his phone’s password.

"None of your business."

She squinted at him, he could practically see her plotting.

"Sooyoung." Yoo Sangah scolded, pulling her fiance away.

Han Sooyoung huffed, clearly disappointed but dropping it for now.

Dokja relaxed and slipped his phone securely into his front pocket. 

"Dokjaaaa" Uriel leaned over his shoulders going nearly limp and whining loudly. "I've missed you!"

He was glad he was sitting when she did this. "Sorry, I only finally started getting free time this last month."

"Then why didn't you text me? If you were free we could have hung out!"

"Ah, uhm, sorry." He wasn't sure if he should say that his free time was taken up by someone else. 

Jung Huiwon came to his aid, "Uriel, leave him alone." She smiled apologetically, "Besides, weren't you busy with practice all month? Even I could barely get in contact with you."

Uriel huffed, "I would have responded if it was Dokja, it's been months since I last saw him." She leaned closer, "Are you feeling better now? If you want I can go beat him up for you…"

Kim Dokja chuckled, "I'm alright, thanks." 

Uriel smiled, hugged him and squeezed, and then got off of him at last. "Good! Let me know if you change your mind! You are my favorite, you know!" 

He shook his head, feeling warmth watching the idol. "I will."

Time passed quicker than he expected, watching his friends chatter around him. He chimed in when it was appropriate but otherwise enjoyed the feeling of being a wallflower. The only hiccup was when he accidentally made eye contact with Yoo Joonghyuk, but he quickly looked down at his phone to avoid feeling awkward. How is he even supposed to talk to his ex? Especially with his ex's girlfriend there? That is asking too much of him. Oh that webnovel updated… and he was completely distracted. 

"That shirt looks good on you Dokja-ah." 

Kim Dokja looked up, tilting his head back to find Jinwoo leaning over him. "You're here Jinwoo-ah." His eyes found themselves following the trail of dark hickeys that covered the left side of Jinwoo's throat before disappearing under his black high collared tee-shirt. He'd forgotten he'd done that. A cold sweat gathered on the back of his neck and heat rushed to head when he felt prickling stares. 

"I brought your stuff." Jinwoo lifted up a plastic bag, but his smile was slightly mischievous. Dokja had a distinctly bad feeling. "Although perhaps I should have worn your shirt so we matched." 

Dokja was distracted from the implications by the mental image of Jinwoo in the tee-shirt he'd worn the night prior. He bent forward as he laughed, "Are you kidding? Do you want a midriff?"

"I probably could have pulled it off."

Dokja finally turned around and stood up, "Shut up, you would have looked ridiculous."

Jinwoo held the bag out to Dokja, who took it, "Your lack of faith saddens me."

The shorter man rolled his eyes, "Uh-huh, sure."

"Oi," Sooyoung interrupted, her grin absolutely malicious, "Dokja, when are you gonna introduce us to this very nice man, who came all this way to give you back your shirt that you must have left at his place last night." 

Dokja glared at her. "Hush you witch, nothing like what you are thinking happened."

"Yes! Introduce him!" Uriel's chipper voice chimed in, and when he looked at her she was practically vibrating in her seat.

Jung Huiwon smiling next to her said nothing, but her eyes were narrowed and she had her eyebrows raised.

Jinwoo put his hand on Dokja's shoulder. "I'm Sung Jinwoo. It's nice to meet you all."

Han Sooyoung held out her hand, "We've met once before, but I didn't introduce myself at that time. I'm Han Sooyoung, Kim Dokja's best friend."

Jinwoo shook her hand, smiling politely.

One by one the group introduced themselves, until Yoo Joonghyuk was the only one left. 

"Sung Jinwoo." Yoo Joonghyuk's glare was scathing. Dokja fidgeted uncomfortably when the stare was turned to him with an undertone of accusation. Gathering his courage, Dokja gave Yoo Joonghyuk his best business smile in retaliation. He remembered Joonghyuk saying that it was his least favorite of all Dokja's smiles.

"I didn't expect to see you here, Yoo Joonghyuk. I'm proud of my team for pulling through while I distracted you during our match." Jinwoo smirked, unaffected. Dokja didn't think Joonghyuk's glare could get any worse without bringing Yoo Mia into the conversation. Joonghyuk's girlfriend grabbed his arm, and the man took a deep calming breath.

Han Sooyoung's low cackles broke the tension. "Hey, Sung Jinwoo, how old are you?"

Jinwoo finally broke eye contact with the very irritated Yoo Joonghyuk to face Sooyoung. "I'm turning 27 this year."

"Dokja-ssi, you seem to really like the younger ones." Huiwon snickered, "I didn't expect that of you."

Dokja's face burned brightly, "S-shut up! Age has nothing to do with this!"

"As long as you are happy, Dokja-ssi." Lee Hyunsung's sincerity and gentle smile somehow made Dokja's that much embarrassment worse. Yoo Sangah nodded in agreement.

In the end he'd had to drag Jinwoo away from the rest of the group, for fear that if he stayed he would soon combust. Jinwoo kissed his temple before leaving with the promise of texting Dokja later once he got back. Dokja watched him leave with a smile, a certain lightness when he returned to the group. 

Of course, he didn't escape unscathed. The moment he'd sat back down, Dokja was accosted by questions about Jinwoo and how they'd met. Uriel was the most excited of course, and demanded that he show her the few photo's Dokja had of himself with Jinwoo. Despite everything, Dokja still excused himself first. Once he'd returned to his apartment, he went through the motions of finishing off his day. Brushing his teeth, he caught his own eyes. He was surprised to find that the person he'd become two months ago was almost gone. The eyebags had lightened and his face was full again. But more than that, the light that had faded from his eyes had begun to return. Dokja smiled. 

There is one last thing to do.

Dokja entered his bedroom and opened his closet. It took a moment of digging for Dokja to pull the boxes that he'd hidden in the back, out. He taped them all shut and pulled out his laptop so he could print shipping labels. Was this probably very petty? Yes. Did he care? Maybe he would have a month ago. Was he particularly proud of what he was about to do? Not really, but Sooyoung would be. He paused to take a photo of the soon-to-be packages.

Wicked Witch

「Getridof.png」–

I'm sending him back all the things he'd given me or left here –

– you should have covered it all in glitter before you taped it shut, idiot

He laughed aloud, turning back to the package labels. He finished preparing the boxes and moved them to sit next to his keys so he would remember to ship them out tomorrow. Returning to his bedroom, he collapsed onto his bed. He looked back at his phone when he heard it ping.

Sung Jinwoo 

– Hey

– Next time I want to introduce you to my friends

– They won't stop bothering me about wanting to meet you

Yes.

Dokja thought,

Things are going to be okay.

Chapter Text

"I hope we don't see each other again." 

For both of our sakes.

  Yoo Joonghyuk kept his face completely neutral, while his thoughts were a swirling storm inside. He forced himself not to react as the love of his life stared at him with wide, shocked, and hurt eyes. His hand formed into a fist, looking at the small man shiver. It was obvious Kim Dokja had rushed out of his apartment without considering his own health in his excitement. Joonghyuk turned and began to walk away, knowing if he stayed even a moment longer, his resolve would crumble and he'd tell Dokja the truth while giving him his coat. 

This is for the best for us both.

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't want to break up. But a week ago someone almost recognized the two of them together. Joonghyuk knew how the world was, and while he'd be fine if he was revealed to be gay online, Dokja wouldn't be. Joonghyuk didn't want to be the cause for Dokja getting ostracized at work or even worse, losing his job. Some part of him hissed that he was a coward. That he was making a mistake and was running away from the problem. 

It's only until I retire. 

He tried to console himself. 

Once I retire, I will apologize and do everything I can to make it up to him.

Lee Seolhwa was a close friend of his for years. She didn't think this plan was smart, but agreed to play her part. All they had to do was go out together in public occasionally. Outside of that, they went about their lives without acknowledging their fake relationship. 

Things began to go wrong when Yoo Sangah and Han Sooyoung had a housewarming after they'd moved in together. 

Dokja had been avoiding going out for the last three months, so Joonghyuk had thought it would be fine to bring Lee Seolhwa with him. He hadn't expected to see the one man he'd hoped he wouldn't see until he'd had things settled. Joonghyuk was ashamed to admit he'd frozen, barely noticing Lee Seolhwa continuing with their planned lie. He wrapped his arm around her, emotionless, squeezing and hoping she'd understand. 

Please, stop, I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have.

Kim Dokja left the room, entering the kitchen. Jung Huiwon glared hard at Joonghyuk from where she was seated next to Lee Hyunsung. Hyunsung was shooting him worried looks, the only other person besides Seolhwa who knew the truth. This isn't what was supposed to happen. He was going to take this chance to tell everyone else in the group what was really going on. But now how could he do that? This was a stupid idea. He should have listened to Seolhwa. 

He didn't say anything as Dokja left, avoiding looking at the man as he did so because he couldn't face him. I'm sorry. He thought, I'm so sorry. 

He was ashamed to admit that he let his anger get the best of him when Han Sooyoung snapped at him. Joonghyuk knew why her words got to him. He knew why Huiwon's angry judgement and accusations stung.

I know I fucked up dammit.

I know he didn't deserve that.

I know it was too soon. 

I know.

When he finally left the gathering, he let go of Lee Seolhwa's hand.

"Joonghyuk, you need to tell them the truth. You need to tell him the truth."

"I can't." Joonghyuk said through gritted teeth. "Not yet."

Joonghyuk felt frustrated. This was the first major tournament he was playing in 3 years without Kim Dokja to cheer him behind the scenes. These exact thoughts distracted him in the final round. He knew that if he won it wouldn't be the same. Dokja wouldn't happily call him to congratulate him. There would be no excited welcome home kisses. He wouldn't see those eyes that he loved curl into crescents and hold him close. 

When the 「You Lost!」message flashed across his screen. Joonghyuk blinked out of his daze. He barely reacted as he stood and shook hands with the winners. 

"I hope I can play against you again."

Joonghyuk frowned when he heard those words, properly looking at the man who he was facing now. Sung Jinwoo, a rising star in the pro-gaming scene. "Excuse me?"

"You were clearly distracted during the match. I hope I can play against you again when you are at your best. This barely feels like a proper win." Jinwoo smirked down at him, looking irritatingly arrogant.

"You won't like it when I am." Joonghyuk sneered.

"We'll see." 

They dropped their hands down to their sides and left the stage.

The rest of the evening was a blur, and once he was back home, he ran through the motions without really paying attention. It wasn't until he was seated across from Yoo Mia eating dinner that he finally snapped out of his daze.

"Oppa is an idiot sometimes."

Joonghyuk froze and gave Yoo Mia a stern look. 

Mia leveled him with a flat look, "Why did you break up with Ahjussi? You haven't been happy since then."

"Yoo Mia."

"And your relationship with that unnie is obviously fake. You haven't brought her here even once."

Joonghyuk didn't say anything and put his chopsticks down. "It was for the best."

"How? All it seems like is that you made both yourself and Ahjussi miserable."

"Yoo Mia." Joonghyuk scolded.

She sighed and stood, bringing her empty plate to the sink. "Oppa is a bigger idiot than I thought."

After a shower, Joonghyuk stared at the ceiling of his bedroom. He pulled out his phone and flipped to his contacts and tapped the one at the top of the favorites list. 

I wonder what Dokja would have done if we were dating right now. 

Would he have called with that voice he only used when he was worried? 

Would he have rushed over to his apartment the moment he'd heard the news that I'd lost?

Would he have brought me food from my favorite restaurant to cheer me up?

Does it even matter?

He contemplated calling Dokja, just to hear his voice. Joonghyuk sighed and let his hand drop to his chest. His sister was right, he is an idiot.

Joonghyuk eyes shook at the sight in front of him. He almost dropped his phone. He saw Dokja for the first time since a month ago, across the street, talking to someone else with a cheerful smile. They began to walk away, the stranger put his arm over Dokja's shoulder. Joonghyuk had half a mind to storm over and rip the arm off of Dokja while demanding to know who that person was, but stopped when he saw how Dokja looked up at the other man. Dokja's smile was the happiest he'd seen in a long while. Dokja, his Dokja, wrapped his arm around the stranger's waist, holding him close. 

Kim Dokja laughed at something the stranger said.

Joonghyuk's breath hitched.

He watched them walk into a bar together. 

Joonghyuk stumbled away. He didn't know how he ended up back at his apartment. Yoo Mia looked at him with a concerned look.

"Oppa?"

Wordlessly, Joonghyuk walked past her and into his bedroom, not even bothering to take off his shoes. 

He stopped in front of his bedside table and picked up a picture frame.

Inside the frame was a photo of him and Dokja at the aquarium for their two year anniversary. They were posing in front of a massive sunfish cutout. At the time, Joonghyuk had thought it was a stupid prop, but Dokja had stubbornly insisted. In the photo Dokja was on the balls of his feet, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. Joonghyuk had a small smile in return, leaning down a little so Dokja wouldn't have to try too hard to reach his face. 

Joonghyuk's vision blurred.

Water landed on the glass pane of the frame.

I'm such a fool.

Joonghyuk held the frame up to his face, pressing his forehead against it.

What have I done?

He squeezed his eyes shut.

Why did I think that this was a good idea?

He crouched down, shaking as silent sobs wreaked his body. 

I've ruined everything.

Joonghyuk knelt there on the ground and hugged the photo close to his chest.

I've lost him.

I really am such a fool.

I lost the person I need the most in my life, all because of my own hubris.

I'm such a fucking fool.

Joonghyuk couldn't take his eyes off Dokja the next day. He felt empty, and the solution was right in front of him but just out of reach. 

That shirt looks good on him.

Lee Seolhwa squeezed his hand and he finally dragged his eyes away from the person who held his heart. 

"Thank you." Joonghyuk murmured.

"Are you okay?" She whispered back.

He opened his mouth to reply, then closed it when he accidentally made eye contact with Dokja. His chest ached at how quickly the man looked away. "I'll… inform you later." He finished.

Joonghyuk felt bitter when he heard how willing Uriel was to pick a fight with him.

He's my favorite too.

When Sung Jinwoo arrived, Joonghyuk felt as if the universe was intentionally slapping him in the face. Hearing that the shirt Dokja was wearing belonged to the taller man, combined with the marks that Jinwoo didn't bother to cover up all over his neck, made Joonghyuk's blood boil. He gripped the table. While everyone was introducing themselves, Joonghyuk was trying to reign in his temper.

Finally it was his turn, but he didn't feel the need to say his own name, after all he and Jinwoo had already met. "Sung Jinwoo." Yoo Joonghyuk growled. The man who'd stolen what was most precious to him.

He then looked at Dokja.

Did you choose him because you knew it would bother me? 

Because I lost to him?

Dokja looked uncomfortable and squirmy under his stare.

No, you wouldn't have done that. 

You are petty, but not that petty.

When Dokja smiled at him, his heart both fluttered and felt like it had been stabbed. That was the smile Dokja only used on him when Joonghyuk had done something to properly make him mad. Or when Dokja was depressed and didn't want to bother others. Or when Dokja's superiors at work were being particularly overbearing.

It was Dokja's fakest smile.

"I didn't expect to see you here, Yoo Joonghyuk. I'm proud of my team for pulling through while I distracted you during our match." That obnoxious man spoke, smirking at Joonghyuk with so much arrogance like he knew who he'd stolen.

Lee Seolhwa grabbed Joonghyuk's arm to keep him in place. 

Joonghyuk took a deep breath.

You can't punch him.

He makes Dokja happy.

Han Sooyoung's laugh took the attention off him, and Joonghyuk was relieved. 

He only half listened, eyes partially glazed over, as he criticized himself for every decision he'd made that had led up until this moment. 

I should have called him that night. 

I should have listened to Lee Hyunsung and Lee Seolhwa and told him the truth.

I should have made sure he was okay or checked in on him at some point during the three months he was avoiding me.

I should have never broken up with him.

He watched Dokja see Jinwoo off. He felt like his mouth was stuffed with ash when Dokja leaned into the kiss Jinwoo placed on his temple. 

At least he looks happy.

He didn't know what he was expecting when he received several packages from Dokja. 

Joonghyuk picked them all up and carried them into his bedroom carefully, as he is fairly sure he heard some of them clink like they contained glass. 

The laugh that left his lips once he'd begun to open the boxes lacked any real warmth. 

The mug he'd used every time he stayed at Dokja's apartment.

A box of stuffed animals he'd won for Dokja while at an amusement park.

A key chain from a crane machine.

A bundle of pens that he had left at Dokja's place over time.

Shirts that were his, but Dokja had worn more often than him.

Joonghyuk didn't open another box, instead sitting heavily in his desk chair. He looked over the mess and choked up. All their memories were left for him to hold onto, alone. 

He's really moved on.

He stood up and left the room, coming back with an unopened bottle of wine. 

He's probably with that bastard right now.

Joonghyuk uncorked the bottle and took a long swig. 

You're happier now, right?

Joonghyuk looked over all of the memories in front of him. He took another sip of the wine.

You deserve to be with someone like that. That bastard was as mouthy as you, but he was nice.

Someone better than me.

He felt tears begin to fall.

So why do I feel so angry?

His shoulders began to shake.

Why does this hurt so much?

Joonghyuk dug his fingers into his hair. He chugged down the rest of the bitter drink.

Ah.

Finally it clicked.

It's because I love you.

Joonghyuk felt his face twist.

I still love you.

A violent sob shook his body and made his lips tremble.

I love you, Kim Dokja.

And the cool facade fell.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you but you are happier now.

I love you but I ruined everything.

He recalled how Hyunsung tried to comfort him, saying that he could also find someone new after the gathering a few days prior.

I don't want someone else.

No one can replace Kim Dokja.

Jinwoo's face came to mind again, smiling next to Dokja.

If that motherfucker dares to hurt Dokja, I'll hurt him just as bad.

Joonghyuk looked over at the photo sitting on his bedside table.

I'll be waiting forever for you.