Chapter Text
Boom!
“Saint Jimmy’s comin’ down across the alleyway!”
The blasting heat of the fire made Billie break only a mild sweat. After all, him and his bandmates had dealt with the heat of fame and flames since 1989. He knew this rodeo, being almost fifty and all. Now was the time to bring someone up, so he started scanning the crowd for any extra enthusiastic faces.
Then, he saw him.
A flash of red caught Billie’s eyes as his line of sight approached the right side of the crowd. There, a mysterious masked man with a red devil’s suit was creating the most rambunctious mosh pit he had ever seen. Everyone, man and child, woman and toddler, person and teenager, was flying up and falling down everywhere, but he was somehow able to stay perfectly upright. There, Billie thought, was his next guest.
“Alright! How is everyone doing?” he was answered by waves of hands in the air and loud cheers. “It’s time to bring someone up to play When I Come Around! Who’s ready?” The crowd was mildly confused because he normally did not bring people for that song, but nevertheless pushed forward to have a chance at seeing how their height compared to Billie Joe Armstrong’s. However, Billie only had one man in mind to bring up. He was all that mattered.
“Hmm… how about…” Billie faked thinking, as he often did. He quickly scanned the crowd, avoiding eye contact so as to not raise hopes.
“You! Man in the red suit!” He looked up in surprise, glancing around to make sure it was him.
“Yes, you! Get up here you handsome devil!” The masked man made his way through the crowd, finally arriving on stage and locking eyes with Billie. Dear God, he was the most attractive man Billie had ever seen. His straightened raven-black hair stuck up at the top of his mask like an upper middle class suburban house’s lawn. His eyes, however, were the real gem. They were the most vibrant grass green he had ever seen, finishing the suburban lawn aesthetic perfectly. This, in turn, contrasted with his bright red PVC suit which fit him perfectly, showing off his fit limbs, including his red devil tail which swung with excitement. He was wearing a Hella Mega tour dates shirt, pulling the entire outfit together superbly. God, Billie thought, what he wouldn’t do to spend the rest of his life with this man. He cleared his throat, suddenly breaking eye contact to carry on with the show.
“You know guitar?” The masked man nodded as Billie gave him his favorite guitar; black guitar #290409590. He shed a single tear as the man perfected the intro, and realizing he was the one responsible for vocals, did as such. However, he glanced back every so often to observe the man. Damn, Billie thought, he’s good. His hands glided gracefully across the fretboard, releasing an impeccable tone Billie could never replicate. He really was the one. Unfortunately, as soon as it started, the song ended and Billie had to part ways with the newest love of his life. But suddenly, an idea popped into his head for once. He grinned as he approached the man again.
“Alright! Thank you so much! And you know that guitar? It’s yours,” he winked as the crowd went wild. Quickly, he moved the mic away from his face and whispered something to the man before he left forever.
“Meet me backstage after the show. Tell them I sent you.” Billie flashed the most attractive smile he could muster before the man nodded solemnly and exited. Billie could barely contain his excitement, running up to the mic stand to lay some wisdom down on the crowd below
“Piss in my mouth! Piss in my mouth! Piss in my fucking mouth!” He was once again met by cheers of admiration.
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“That was a good show, don’t ya think?” Tre laughed as he brought Mike into a loving embrace. They had been together for years at this point, and Billie thought nothing of it. After all, he was a bisexual icon himself. However, he was only thinking of one gender tonight.
“Can I ask you guys for advice? Dating… advice?” Tre and Mike looked at each other worriedly before reluctantly nodding. Billie gasped for air before he started his long, detailed rant.
“Ok, so I saw this really attractive guy and I think he might be the love of my life. He has this mowed lawn type hair and his eyes look like the grass I used to eat at that one place on tour in ‘99, right? And he’s so good at guitar. Like, way better than me. He’s so fit too, did you guys see his arms practically bulging out of that PVC suit? I just- I don’t know man. This is different from that person in London. And that guy in New York. And the girl from Montana. He’s just… perfect.” Mike looked at Tre and sighed disappointedly.
“If you really want him, I’d say just act casual, I guess.” Mike shrugged, “that’s how I got Tre.” He laughed awkwardly, as he was lying. Tre and Mike had actually made a deal ages ago where, if neither had gotten with Billie in fifteen years, they would give up and date. Unfortunately, neither ended up happy and instead with each other. They could live with this, though, at least they kept each other company.
“You’re right, yeah!” Billie exclaimed, “Y’know, I’m actually feeling a bit better-” his confidence was quickly shattered by a door slamming open behind him. He didn’t even need to turn around to recognize the handsome musk of the masked man. Billie took in the deepest breath known to man, reminding himself he was the most attractive man alive according to some random teenagers on the internet, and faced the man.
“Oh, I see you’ve come backstage… wink.” Billie smoothly remarked as the man’s eyes wandered, observing his surroundings. “I’m Billie, but you already know that. Tell me a bit about you.” He was internally facepalming. Why, Billie thought, did he say wink out loud? The man only laughed.
“I’m Wilhelm Fink. But my friends call me Fink.” Fink held out his hand. He was so smooth and handsome, why did Billie think he ever stood a chance?
“Well, hey… Flip. I must say, you remind me of a freshly mowed lawn. No weeds!”
“What?”
“I mean, uh,” Billie quickly realized what he said and looked around in panic, “you look good. Where’d you learn guitar like that?”
“Only from the best,” Fink laughed as he grabbed Billie’s shoulder, smirked, and looked him in the eyes. “And I must say, you look good yourself.” Billie could hardly contain his blushing. The perfect man complimented… him. No, he was the perfect man. He could one-up this.
“You’re hotter than the sun.” Billie winked, horribly at that, at Fink. He burst out laughing.
“Oh my Snoo, you’re hilarious!” Snoo, Billie thought? He was quirky too, this just kept getting better. “Here’s my number. I have to go, maybe we could carry this conversation on another time?” Fink held Billie’s hand, slipping him a piece of paper before exiting as fast as he came. Billie only stood in shock.
“Guys, I totally pulled that off,” he laughed, looking back at Mike and Tre’s morbidly worried faces. They only gave a synchronized thumbs up before exiting to the dressing rooms.
“I can’t believe Billie’s gonna go with some weird masked dude instead of one of us,” Tre grunted, “I mean, what kind of a name even is Fink? What is he, German or something? That’s disgusting.”
“Aren’t you German?” Mike asked. After all, Tre’s real name was Frank. Like a frankfurter, Mike thought to himself.
“Shut UP!” Tre yelled. He quickly regained his composure and lowered his voice. “Listen, Billie’s supposed to end up with one of us. We gotta ruin this like that person in London. And that guy in New York. And the girl from Montana.”
“Holy cow, we really control his love life and he loves neither of us” Mike remarked. “We gotta get rid of this dude.”
“Agreed.”