Archive of Our Own ^beta

Steve huffed out a laugh as Bucky nudged him with his hip. “Buck, stop.”

”Why? I’m not doin’ anything illegal, right?” The brunette angled his head toward the blond, charming grin making Steve’s knees go weak.

”Well, yeah, but it looks like you are,” Steve turned serious, which almost made Bucky laugh since Steve looked like a blueberry muffin when he was riled up. “I-we can’t talk about it here.”

”And you think your house is better?” Bucky hurriedly pulled Steve away from a woman walking beside them. She looked back and scrunched up her nose in disgust at the two boys. “What makes you think she won’t react like everyone else?”

Steve yanked himself away from Bucky. His eyes were tightly shut, and his face was cast downward. Bucky quickly realized that they were both sharing their heartbreak. “She’s our only hope, Bucky. If she hates us…” 

We’ll have nowhere to go, no one to help us, nowhere to run. We’ll either die alone in a jail cell or beaten to death on the street, miserable because we chose to love each other.

Steve didn’t need to finish his sentence. It was probably for the better anyway, Bucky thought. Neither wanted to hear it.

They wove through the crowd silently, not daring to be perceived by the people coming straight from Mass, spilling out of the church in droves.

Bucky could see the hatred in their eyes. His parents would tell him what Father John had said, probably something about queers being attracted to children. It was disgusting how they just…believed it instead of challenging him. 

“Hey, Buck?”

”Huh?”

”Do you think we’re bad people?”

Bucky didn’t want to answer. He knew two answers he could give, both of which he felt were true.

1. They were. If people 1900 years ago were saying it, then it had to be true! There were ways to correct them, like lobotomy and electrocution. If it didn’t work, then it wouldn’t be used. Plus, everyone seemed to be normal, why couldn’t they?!

2. They weren’t. It wasn’t like they were hurting anyone. They were just two boys who loved each other to death. They’d never hurt a child like the ignorant in the streets whispered. They were happier than most lovers. Maybe that’s why they were called queers; they loved beyond the norm, and were loved in return by the people who mattered.

Something else told him that they shouldn’t care what anyone else thought. It was their private life, it didn’t matter.

However, he conveyed all of his thoughts in three words: “I don’t know.” Because, truthfully, he didn’t.

Steve finally looked up when they got to Mrs. Rogers’s apartment complex. They climbed up the stairs (the elevator was out of commission) in silence. Bucky could feel the paint peeling on the rail through the callouses on his hand.

They walked down the hall a bit until the reached Sarah’s door. Bucky knocked twice before opening the unlocked door. “Mrs. Rogers?” 

“James! Do you have Steve with you?” She called out.

Steve came in the living room hacking up a storm. Bucky didn’t know if it was anxiety or asthma.

”Stevie, dear, come sit down-“

”I like boys.”

Sarah and Bucky’s eyes widened in shock. Bucky wasn’t expecting for him to blurt it out!

”I know we do-we don’t keep secrets from each other, so I wanted you to know, but I also don’t want you to bring me to the hospital and I don’t wanna be arrested and-and I know dad was religious and would’ve beaten me and I don’t know-know if you’ll beat me and I’m terrified-“

”Steven!” Sarah shouted. She got his attention. Steve was tense and still breathing heavily. Bucky got his inhaler from his pocket and gave it to Steve. Steve took it with shaky hands.

Sarah turned to Bucky. “Did you know?” She asked him.

He didn’t want to lie to her. “Yes, I knew,” he mumbled.

”Are you and Steve-“

”Yes,” he said, sitting down heavily on the old wooden chair at the table. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Rogers.”

She looked almost as scared as them. “I don’t know what to do,” she said frankly. “I don’t want to turn you two in, but I also don’t want you to get hurt.”

”My parents will kill me.” Bucky put his head in his hands.

”We’re criminals!” Steve cried, even though they all knew the walls were thin.

”I won’t allow you to get hurt. I won’t dare tell a soul, but you guys have to hide it as well. Me and James’s parents are in high social standing here, and you two won’t have a future.” Sarah took a deep breath. “Steve, I love you. I will fight the church if I have to. And,” she placed a frail hand on Bucky’s shoulder, making him flinch, “I know James will to.”

Bucky put a watery smile on his face. “I already do.”

”I know.”

She hugged Steve, who’s breathing had finally evened out. He sniffled into her dress, full of uneven patches where she sewed patches of a potato sack onto it. 

To Bucky’s shock, she also hugged him. She dropped something into his pocket.

”I know you can’t marry him, but I’m giving you my engagement ring. I know you’ll use it one day. Stay with him, and protect him. I trust you, James.”

He didn’t know what to say. He just thanked her and held on tighter.

^

Bucky twiddled the ring in his hands. He didn’t trust himself with it, but Sarah had said to hold onto it, and he didn’t want to disrespect her wishes.

”Buck? What is it?”

He whipped around to see Steve, in the doorway of the Hydra base they’d made their home. “It-it’s nothing.” He said quickly.

Steve gave a small half-smile and walked over to him, sitting down to his right. “A ring?”

”Do you remember when you told your ma that we were dating?” Bucky asked.

Steve got slightly depressed. “Yeah. I had a panic attack, and you were scared shitless.”

Bucky nodded. “Well, while she was hugging me, she gave me this.” He showed Steve the ring in the sunlight. “She told me to use it whenever we could get married. It’s her engagement ring.” Steve sucked in a breath. “She told me to protect you.”

”You did. You’ve protected me, even when you weren’t 100 percent yourself.” Steve smiled at Bucky like he was the sun after a blizzard. Bucky welcomed it with open arms.

Suddenly, he grabbed Steve’s hand. His face grew paler than normal. “B-Buck?” He asked nervously.

Bucky slid the ring onto his finger. “Marry me?”

The tears fell down Steve’s cheeks faster than he could wipe them. He nodded. He was afraid his voice would break.

Bucky looked up at the sky. I did it, Mrs. Rogers. I’ll protect him with my life.

He hoped he wouldn’t have to. He wanted a future with his future husband.