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Chapter Text

Atsushi Nakajima had always worked on the night shift in a small coffee shop near his university. His nights were filled with college students who looked like coffee was the only thing keeping them alive, and if he was being honest, it probably was.

Night shift was relatively easy, with most people simply ordering expressos and staying in the sofa working on something they had to finish by the next day, which made things surprisingly quiet, probably because they were sleepy, or hated university life, or both, Atsushi didn't know.

Atsushi was convinced his schedule didn't have any flaws, and nothing could change it. Atsushi waked up at 3pm just before his first class, and then he would finish his classes at 6pm, he would advance in his homework until the start of his shift at 8pm, and he would work all the way until 2am. He would finish his homework for the day and then go to sleep at around 8am.

Everything was perfect.

That was, until his perfect schedule was suddenly throw out the window with no mercy.

"Atsushi-kun..." a voice behind him said, Atsushi turned around and was met with his co-worker, Dazai, another student at the University, he was about to graduate, unlike Atsushi, who still had three more years before graduating. Atsushi raised his eyebrow, what was he doing there so late? Didn't he have his shift during the morning?

"Yeah...? You need something?" He asked, confused; Dazai nodded. He joined his hands together and lowered his head, Atsushi took a step back, surprised.

"Please help me!" He begged. "I'm starting exams next month, and Kunikida-kun is doing a study group and I really need to go! Can we please change shifts for the meantime?"

"C-Change shifts? You mean taking the morning shift?" Atsushi asked, Dazai nodded.

"Is technically the mid-morning shift, but yes. I would ask Haruno-chan, but she has classes at that time. You don't start classes until 3:00 in the afternoon, right?"

"Y-Yeah, but..."

"Then please help me!" He asked again, Atsushi opened his mouth ready to refuse, but Dazai didn't let him talked. "I need to get incredible grades on these exams. My career might be in danger!"

"Y-Your career?" Atsushi asked, astonished.

There was no way in hell he could refuse now, he would feel guilty!

"Yes! If I fail this exam I might get kicked out!" Dazai said dramatically.

"Wait..." Atsushi remembered, "Aren't you the one that's always showing off your incredible grades?" He asked "Why would they kick you out just for one bad grade?"

"My teachers hate me! They're always like 'Dazai-kun, you can't commit suicide in class' or 'Please stop trying to convince girls to commit suicide with you'! So annoying!" Dazai complained, Atsushi laughed nervously. "They've been looking to expel me for ages! I need to get a perfect grade in every subject! And that's hard... Even for me!"

"I..."

"Pretty please! No, not even pretty please... precious please?" Dazai begged, Atsushi frowned, and seconds later sighed, defeated.

"I will..." he accepted. Dazai's eyes seemed to shine and he smiled almost innocently.

"You are a life-saver, Atsushi-kun." He thanked; Atsushi simply laughed nervously. "I'll tell the boss, go home."

"Wait... right now?" Atsushi asked, Dazai nodded.

"Why not? From now on it'll be me taking this shift, so I might as well start now."

"Yeah but..."

"No but's! Go and do homework or whatever kids your age do these days!"

"We're almost the same... Whatever," Atsushi sighed taking his apron and giving it to Dazai, who happily took it. Atsushi turned around, ready to leave through the back door. "Good night...?"

"Good night! Don’t forget, you need to come here tomorrow at 9am!" Dazai said before Atsushi went out the door, he nodded, and seconds later closed the door behind him.

Atsushi took a last look to the coffee shop and sighed. He had to reorganize his schedule, he would probably go and sleep at a normal hour, but he was so used to getting into bed around 8am it would be simply impossible to grow accustom to a new schedule so easily.

He sighed loudly and while changing alarms in his phone, Atsushi walked to his room in the University's dorm rooms, he decided to go to sleep immediately, considering he had to get up at around 8am if he wanted to be ready to deal with customers at 9am...

"Sure, I'll manage..." Atsushi muttered sarcastically to himself while changing the alarm. "Is not like my body is used to a ridiculous schedule."

Atsushi grunted loudly. He would be able to survive somehow... right?

Atsushi was sure he would die during his shift. He spent way too much time doing his homework, and he was mentally and physically tired, but he still had at least an hour before it ended, and he had class afterwards.

His new co-worker was called Tanizaki, and he was a guy his age who also attended the same university as Dazai and Atsushi. He was a nice guy, and Atsushi decided he liked him, but not even Tanizaki could make him feel like a functional human being.

"Atsushi-kun... Are you okay?" He asked, Atsushi yawned and nodded, he gave a small look to the clock in the wall, it was still 1pm was time going slower or something?

"Yeah, suddenly changing shifts is hard..." he explained. "I normally go to sleep at 8am."

"Do you want to only take orders? I can take care making the coffee, if you want." He proposed, Atsushi's eyes widened and he slowly nodded.

"Thank you so much, Tanizaki-san!" He thanked him, Tanizaki smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

He turned to the customer who had just entered the shop, ready to take his order, when his mind went blank for a moment.

In front of him was probably the prettiest guy he has seen in forever. He had pale skin, which contrasted perfectly with his piercing gray eyes. He had black hair, with the tips of the front strands white.

He was wearing black jeans with a gray hoodie, and his eyes were locked in his phone, he didn't raise his eyes when he said:

"I'll have a black coffee, Dazai-san." He said, Atsushi opened his mouth to say that he wasn't Dazai, but the gorgeous stranger continued: "By the way, how's everything going with your exams? Did you manage to convinced the teacher that...?”

He interrupted himself when he raised his gaze, he blinked a couple of times and Atsushi simply smiled nervously.

"You're not Dazai-san." Was the only thing he said. 'Clearly!' He thought, but nevertheless, he smiled.

"H-Hi, my name is Atsushi Nakajima!" Atsushi greeted; the boy he didn't seem impressed. "I'm taking Dazai-san's shift from now on..."

"Oh, okay. Then give me a black coffee, Nakajima." He asked, Atsushi nodded and turned around where Tanizaki was organizing the types of coffee.

"Tanizaki-san, a black coffee please!" He asked him, Tanizaki raised his head and nodded, smiling. Atsushi turned to the customer. "It'll be done in a few minutes!"

But he didn't even seem to hear him, in some point during the few seconds that Atsushi turned around, he took out his phone and was already in a call.

"Hello?" He talked through the phone while waiting for his coffee. "Dazai-san?"

Atsushi's eyes widened, why was he suddenly calling Dazai? Were they close? Atsushi didn't want to look like a nosey person, but he would be lying if he said that he didn't care about Dazai's relationships, especially when said man was always so... misterious.

"Yeah, did you change shifts?" The man asked, he stayed quiet for another ten seconds or so, before saying: "No, is not like that, I told you... yeah... Night shift? Isn't that hard? ...I-I see... Okay... Yeah, goodbye..."

The man hanged up the phone, and Atsushi was completely sure that phone call was more interesting than most of the dramas he saw on TV. He wished he could have heard both side of the conversation.

"Is my coffee ready?" He asked, his mood seemed completely different. He looked extremely annoyed at something, and Atsushi didn't know why, but he really didn't want to anger him anymore, considering that even thought he was very attractive, he was equally intimidating.

He immediately turned to Tanizaki who was finishing serving the cup of black coffee. Atsushi smiled, thankful that at least he wouldn't have to make the customer wait any longer.

Atsushi took the cup in between his hands and he walked fast to the counter, trying to get the coffee to the man as fast as possible.

However, Atsushi wasn't really on his best shape, considering he was tired and had barely sleep during the night, and he didn't realize a small tile out of place in the floor, and he tripped, spilling the coffee and breaking the mug on the process.

"Ouch!" He screamed when he felt the burning coffee hit his skin, Tanizaki hurried up and helped him get up.

"A-Are you okay?" Tanizaki asked, Atsushi nodded slowly. He looked at the floor and notice the mess he had done. Atsushi turned to the customer, who was standing still with his eyes widened.

"I-I'm really sorry!" He apologized. "I'll give you another right away... uh..."

"Akutagawa..." he introduced himself, a little doubtful. Atsushi bowed his head a little bit.

"I'm really sorry, Akutagawa!" He apologized again. Akutagawa stayed quiet, still looking at Atsushi with wide eyes.

"Uh... doesn't it hurt?" He asked slowly while pointing at his arms, Tanizaki seemed to be wondering the same thing, considering the look he was giving him. Atsushi lowered his gaze and noticed that the places were the coffee had touched his skin were red, he'd probably end up with burns, he sighed.

"It's okay, it wasn't that hot." He assured both of them.

"What do you mean 'It wasn't that hot'?!" Tanizaki asked, panicked. "I just took it out of the coffee maker, it was on top of the stove, Atsushi-kun!"

"I... I, uh... I don’t... uh... it's okay!" Atsushi assured them. Both, Tanizaki and Akutagawa, looked at him with disbelief, none of them knowing what to say, Atsushi laughed nervously. "I... I'll go and get you another cup of coffee right now!"

Atsushi tuned around and went quickly to get another cup of coffee, he could feel both sets of eyes in his back. It only took him a few seconds to serve another cup of coffee, he was thankful that not a single customer was waiting in line after Akutagawa.

"Here's the coffee, I'm really sorry!" He apologized again, Akutagawa took it and he nodded.

"It's okay... You, uh... You should get your arms bandaged..." He suggested giving him a concern look, and after bowing his head a little, Akutagawa took the cup and went to sit down in one of the sofas.

Atsushi waited for Akutagawa to be far enough before grunting loudly and hiding his head in between his arms.

"Uh, everything okay?" Tanizaki asked kneeling down to take the medical kit from under the cashier, Atsushi simply grunted again. "Does it hurt?"

"I just embarrassed myself in front of him! Did you see him? He is gorgeous..." Atsushi muttered low enough so that only Tanizaki could hear him, Tanizaki thought that maybe the coffee wasn't that hot, considering Atsushi's reaction, and he laughed.

"You better not go there." Tanizaki said, he opened the kit and took out some bandages, he signaled Atsushi to extend his arm, which he did slowly. "Akutagawa is Dazai-san's ex-boyfriend..."

Atsushi sat up and looked at Tanizaki with both of his eyebrows raised. Tanizaki nodded while bandaging Atsushi's arm.

"Dazai-san broke up with him three years ago or so, they ended up in good terms." He said, Atsushi's gaze wandered to Akutagawa, who was sitting down while reading a book, he returned his attention to Tanizaki just a few seconds later. "He... Akutagawa doesn't really seem to be over Dazai-san..."

"Really? Even after so long?" He asked, Tanizaki nodded.

"Akutagawa still comes here every day at the time of Dazai-san's shift... Well, what used to be his shift..." he told him, Atsushi hummed lightly and nodded, he flinched a little when Tanizaki squeezed the bandages a little too hard. "Sorry."

"It's okay... So, that means Akutagawa won't be coming here anymore?" He asked, Tanizaki seemed to think about it for a moment, and he shrugged.

"Maybe he'll start coming at night now that Dazai-san change shifts..." Tanizaki muttered, Atsushi nodded.

He was glad that his new co-worker was one of the nicest guys he knew, and it was even more surprising how easy it was talking to him. At least his new shifts wouldn't be so bad as he thought.

"There you go." Tanizaki said while cutting the excess of the bandages, he put them away and return the kit to his place, Atsushi looked at his arms and frowned.

"I look like some bootleg version of Dazai-san..." Atsushi muttered, Tanizaki chuckled and shook his head, smiling.

"Well, at least that's something your gorgeous customer likes." He teased; Atsushi laughed.

"Well, that is a benefit." He joked back. Tanizaki stood up and started to mop the floor where the cup had fallen, Atsushi sat in front of the cashier while waiting for customers, but his gaze wandered on his own.

Akutagawa was still sitting down, and he had the same book on his hands, Atsushi tried to quint his eyes and see what was he reading, but he was too far away, and is not like he could go and ask him randomly.

That would be weird. And Atsushi was not a weirdo.

He simply... enjoyed watching pretty people, and Akutagawa was one of them. Actually, he was the king of all of them.

"Hey, Tanizaki..." Atsushi called, Tanizaki turned his head to look at him.

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any idea why did Dazai-san and Akutagawa broke up?" He asked, Tanizaki stopped for a moment, but then continued mopping.

"Well, Dazai-san wasn't uh... a good boyfriend, to say the lease... but Akutagawa seemed to be obsessed over him," Tanizaki said, Atsushi's eyes widened, and he focused on listening. "One-time Dazai-san stopped going to classes, and disappeared from the dorm rooms, no one knew what had happened for a long time, not even Akutagawa. But we didn't worry, Dazai-san is a weird person, after all..."

Atsushi listened carefully. His gaze moving from Akutagawa to Tanizaki, who sighed.

"He returned after a year, i think, and he had... changed." Tanizaki said. "Dazai-san broke up with Akutagawa immediately... no one really knows what happened, we discussed in between ourselves, but no one knew what happened. It was a before you started working here."

"Huh..." Atsushi muttered, thinking about it. He changed his position and tried to rest his head on his arms, and he immediately felt a piercing pain through his arms.

He stopped for a second and looked at them, his arms were completely covered in bandages from the wrist to all the way to the elbow.

Well, at least the pain had woken him up.

Time passed and a few customers came in, but Akutagawa didn't seem to have any intention of moving from the sofa, gently passing the pages, with all of his focus on the words in front of him.

Atsushi was asked a couple of times about the bandages, and he had to embarrass himself and admit that he had burned himself. He gained a few sympathies looks, and he even received a few 'what an idiot', but overall, he wasn't so tired as he used to be.

He didn't know how much that would last, though, considering that immediately after his shift he needed to go to class. He sighed loudly and turned his head to the clock on the wall, ten minutes before 2:30pm, meaning ten minutes before his shift ended.

Atsushi stood up and began walking towards the tables that had dirty utensils. He took a dirty mug, a dirty plate, and he walked towards the dirty mugs on top of the table next to Akutagawa, this time focusing on not tripping.

He took the mug and stretched his neck a little trying to figure out what was Akutagawa reading, without any success, he breathed and gathered courage, before asking:

"What are you reading?" He asked, Akutagawa raised his head and looked at Atsushi with his eyes widened, surprised by the interruption. He closed the book while marking the page in which he was with his finger, Atsushi read: "'Hamlet', huh?"

Akutagawa nodded. "I didn't realize how much time had gone by... I should probably go..."

"O-Oh, yeah, sure..." Atsushi said, he laughed nervously. Akutagawa stood up and gave him a small nod and he left the coffee shop, without even looking back. Atsushi turned to Tanizaki who gave him a doubtful thumbs up from behind the counter, Atsushi grunted loudly.

"I talked to him and he left two seconds later..." Atsushi lamented, Tanizaki patted his shoulder.

"Maybe you'll see him again." Tanizaki said, Atsushi looked at the door and returned his gaze to the clock on the wall.

"It's okay," he said shrugging. "I don't even know him, I'm just that desperate to getting laid..."

Tanizaki laughed lightly and rolled his eyes. "Who knows? Maybe you changing shifts was meant to be..." he said, Atsushi chuckled lightly and closed his eyes.

"Yeah... maybe..." He muttered.

Chapter Text

"Hamlet?" He asked, Atsushi nodded slowly. "I think I have a copy in my room."

Atsushi was a mayor in literature, but he had not yet read Hamlet, which was surprisingly considering how many books he had read. The book had caught his attention, plus, Akutagawa seemed very interested in it, so invested that he even forgot the hour. He decided to give it a shot, but his payday was in around two weeks, and he couldn't wait that long to buy it, so he decided to ask Dazai-san about it.

"By the way, Atsushi-kun... Are you trying to mimic me?" He asked looking at his arms, which were still covered in bandages. "That's not right, you need to find your own thing, Atsushi-kun. I think piercings would look lovely!"

"I'm not getting any piercings!" Atsushi interrupted him, Dazai smirked, amused. "Plus, I'm not wearing bandages for fashion. I spilled hot coffee on them yesterday."

"Oh... Why would you do that?"

"Not on purpose, Dazai-san!" He exclaimed, Dazai laughed and started walking to the University residence, Atsushi walked beside him.

"Why do you want Hamlet? Do you need it for class?" He asked, Atsushi shook his head.

"I saw someone reading it, and I wanted to give it a try." Atsushi explained. Dazai stopped in place immediately and looked at Atsushi, who simply raised both if his eyebrows, confused. "Why are you stopping?"

"The person you saw reading it... Was it Akutagawa-kun?" He asked, Atsushi's eyes widened for a second, and he nodded. Dazai clicked his tongue. "So, he's reading it again." He muttered, more to himself, but Atsushi heard, so he spoke:

"'Again'?' Atsushi asked. "What do you mean?"

"I... no, never mind. Let's just go." He said, and kept walking. Atsushi knew—thanks to Tanizaki—that Dazai and Akutagawa had dated a while ago, but he wasn't aware of all of the details. He decided to feign ignorance to try and get more details from Dazai.

Definitely not because he was interested in Akutagawa, or because he was really curious about their history.

"Do you know Akutagawa?" Atsushi feign ignorance, Dazai laughed loudly.

"You could say so..." He answered.

"That's not an actual answer, Dazai-san." He replied.

"Well... I'd say yes, I know him."

"Really? How come?" He asked.

"Hm... Well, Akutagawa-kun and I used to go to the same high school." He explained, Atsushi hummed, thinking about high school Dazai. "We met each other in a literature club."

"Oh, really?" Atsushi asked, Dazai nodded.

"We have... some, uh... history together." He said, and he laughed softly, but Atsushi he didn't looked happy at all, and he decided not to push into it, no matter how curious he was.

They both entered the elevator and waited. Dazai lived on the same building as Atsushi, and they would often go home together whenever their classes ended, they both reached Dazai's floor and started walking to his room. Dazai opened the door and entered, with Atsushi following from behind. Dazai's room was surprisingly clean, but Atsushi knew it wasn't thanks to Dazai himself, but his roommate.

"I'm back!" He greeted, Kunikida Doppo, Dazai's roommate and current boyfriend, raised his head from his work, and was surprised to see Atsushi there.

Atsushi knew Kunikida, he worked in the cafe as well, but during the early morning shift. Kunikida was someone applied and perfectionist, and he never understood how his relationship with Dazai—probably the most relaxed person in the world—started, but they somehow made it work.

"Oh, Atsushi, what are you doing here?" He asked, completely ignoring his partner, who simply pouted.

"Hello, Kunikida-san," he greeted. "Dazai-san is lending me a book."

"Which one?" Kunikida asked, standing up and walking towards the bookshelf.

"Hamlet." He answered, Kunikida immediately turned his head and looked at Dazai with a raised eyebrow, Dazai who simply nodded. Atsushi wanted to ask what was that all about, but he thought it would be better off leaving them alone. 

Kunikida returned his eyes to the bookshelf, and took one of them, he then gave it to Atsushi, who looked at it intensely. It was the same book Akutagawa was reading in the cafe, they were probably bought on the same store. It looked old and worn out, Atsushi feared that it might get destroyed by touching it.

"Thanks!" He thanked them, Dazai and Kunikida stayed quiet, but they both seemed like they had something to say, Atsushi laughed nervously. "W-What's up?"

Dazai turned his head to Kunikida and looked at him with puppy eyes, Kunikida shook his head, and said: "You should be the one to explain."

"But—"

"No. I won't."

Dazai grunted. "I thought you loved me."

"Not enough."

"Fine," Dazai accepted, Atsushi stayed quiet in place, looking at his shoes, a little scare of what was the man going to say. "Atsushi-kun..."

"Y-Yeah?"

"On the book... You're going to see, uh... highlighted words and phrases..." Dazai said, Atsushi opened his eyes wide and looked down at the book in his hands. "Try to not read too much into it... okay?" He ended up saying. Dazai looked awkwardly to the side, and Kunikida fixed his glasses.

"I-I see..." Atsushi responded without raising his head, Dazai laughed a little and Kunikida nodded. "I'll take my leave, then. Goodbye and thank you!"

Both of them nodded and Atsushi left the room. He decided to go somewhere and immediately start reading it.

Atsushi opened the book and started to leaf through the pages, and the highlight parts were mostly around act IV, many related to the part of the character named 'Ophelia'

"'Ophelia'?" Atsushi muttered while entering the elevator. "I wonder what's her deal..."

Atsushi closed the book and hugged it closer to his chest, feeling a sense of worry growing on it. Dazai's words felt... weird, confusing, and even suspicious in some way. He left the residence and decided to go to the library, he was planning to start the book immediately. He loved the library, it was quiet, and solitary. But it would be the first time he would go during the afternoon, since he would normally be working at that time.

Atsushi entered the building and sat down in a corner. The library was old, and it was full of dusty books, but Atsushi thought it was the greatest place. He could read in silence without feeling watched by his roommate (He was sure Kenji—his roommate—wasn't judging, but it still felt weird to read in front of him), and he could stay as long as he wanted since it never closed

Atsushi entered silently and slide through students and tried to reach a small corner, one that was never used by anyone but him. The corner was in between two shelves, hid from view. He sat down with his back against the wall, and opened the book on the first page. Atsushi, of course, knew Hamlet, after all, its author, William Shakespeare, was not only an incredibly famous one, but one that had been a topic he had to study for his Literature class.

Hours passed, and before Atsushi realized, night had fallen. He tried his best to ignore the highlighted parts Dazai had talked about, but the parts were very specific. And it was always centered about Ophelia and Hamlet's characters, as far as he read, scene 3 was the one with the most phrases highlighted.

Scene three talked about Ophelia's relationship with Hamlet; Lord Polonius and Laertes—Ophelia's father and brother, warn her to be careful, and to not trust Hamlet's words, while Ophelia keeps arguing and convincing herself that Hamlet actually loves her. Atsushi didn't know why, but this made shivers run down his spine. He swallowed saliva while reading.

Ophelia:  He hath, my lord, of late many tenders of his affection to me.

Lord Polonius : Affection! Pooh! You speak like a green girl,
Unsifted in such perilous circumstances.
Do you believe his tenders, as you call them?

Atsushi was a literature student, sure, but he couldn't think of a single reason why this relationship seemed so important to Dazai. Was Ophelia maybe a character he had to study for some class? But the scenes.... they all seemed so important, someway, and Dazai asked him specificaly to not pay attention to them. This whole sitation was confusing, and he frowned, not understanding a single thing.

He sighed loudly at the end and giving up, he closed the book. He should probably go to sleep, after all, he couldn't lose his routine now that he was changing it completely. And he had work tomorrow, meaning he had to wake up earlier. He took a deep breath and stood up. Atsushi walked slowly through the shelves. As far as he could see, there was no student present, it was only him and the silence of the library.

He decided to walk around for a few minutes, times where the library was completely silent were rare and Atsushi wanted to see the normally crowded places completely deserted. He finally reached the place that used to be the most crowded place, but unlike he thought, it wasn't completely empty, a guy was actually sleeping on a corner, he raised an eyebrow and decided to walk quietly towards the man, and his eyes widened when he realized it was actually Akutagawa, who still had Hamlet in between his fingers.

Atsushi wondered if he should wake him up, after all, sleeping in the library wasn't exactly weird, except Akutagawa seemed to be planning to sleep all night in the floor, he played a little with his fingers, and inhaled loudly. He walked to him and kneeled down in front of him. For a second Atsushi thought of the possibility of not waking him up, after all, he did look very relaxed, and Atsushi couldn't help but to appreciate his traits.

His eyes followed the pale skin and reached his eyelashes, which were probably longer than those of average girls, he had a small nose, and small lips; Akutagawa looked almost ethereal asleep. He shook his head trying to delete his thoughts and slowly shook Akutagawa's shoulder.

"Hey, I don't think is a good idea if you stay asleep on the library." He said softly. Akutagawa opened his eyes slowly and focused on Atsushi's arms, he raised an eyebrow.

"Dazai-san?" He asked, still half asleep. Atsushi looked at his own arms and notice his bandages. He bit his lip awkwardly.

"Uh, not really..." he said, Akutagawa yawned lightly and raised his head, his face frowned in confusion when he saw Atsushi.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, Atsushi laughed nervously.

"I stayed late, and I saw you asleep. I didn't think it was a good idea to let you stay the night in the library, so I waked you up..." he said awkwardly. Akutagawa looked around, and noticed how the library was completely desert except for the two of them and the librarian that was probably in the other room.

"I see..." Was all Akutagawa said. He stretched lightly and standing up, he started walking to the door, Atsushi didn't move for a few seconds. Akutagawa turned around and looked straight at him. "Are you coming?" He asked.

"U-Uh, yes!" He blurted, he hugged his bad closer to his chest and ran behind Akutagawa, who kept both of his arms hidden in his hoodie. Atsushi could swear the book was burning inside his bag.

They left the library and both of them started walking towards the residence, Atsushi wondered on what floor was Akutagawa's room, but he wouldn't know if it would a normal thing to ask, specially since they didn't know each other.

"Are... are your arms okay?" Akutagawa asked after a few minutes of silence, Atsushi raised his arm and looked at it, the bandages were falling and he needed to change them, he nodded.

"Yeah, it wasn't so bad." He assured him; Akutagawa raised an eyebrow.

"I would be surprise if you don't have ugly burns under those bandages, how can you say is not bad?" Akutagawa asked, Atsushi hummed lightly and hugged his arms.

"I'm used to getting burn." He answered silently. Akutagawa turned his head, ready to ask him about it, but was draw back by Atsushi's frowning face. He decided not to comment on it, after all, is not like the two of them were friends.

"Oh..." Was the only thing Akutagawa could think of saying. Atsushi suddenly seemed lost in thought, and they kept quiet until they reached the elevator. "W-What floor are you in?" Akutagawa asked.

Atsushi jumped in place; he didn't even seem to realize the moment when they had entered the elevator. He laughed nervously and looked at Akutagawa.

"Uh... W-What did you say?"

"I asked in what floor is your room." Akutagawa repeated. Atsushi thought that Akutagawa didn't seem weird asking in which floor was his room, but again, that might just be pretty privilege, considering Akutagawa was gorgeous and Atsushi wouldn't judge him even if he was asking for his wallet at gunpoint.

"I'm in floor three," He said, Akutagawa nodded and pressed the button, Atsushi swallowed saliva, and asked: "In what floor is your room?"

"Five." He answered. He didn't seem bored by it, so Atsushi decided that asking was a normal thing. He felt more proud about it than he should, and he hid both hands behind his back, embarrassed.

The elevator door opened on floor three, and Atsushi bowed his head slightly to Akutagawa before stepping out.

"See you tomorrow." He said, Akutagawa raised an eyebrow.

"'Tomorrow'?" He repeated, confused.

"Yeah, Tanizaki-san told me you always show up during the mid-morning on the cafe, so I guessed I might see you there from now on." Atsushi said, feigning ignorance about the knowledge that Akutagawa might only go there because of Dazai.

"I... I, uh..." Akutagawa eloquently answered, Atsushi smiled almost innocently and Akutagawa sighed. "Yeah, see you tomorrow." He said, defeated. Atsushi smiled.

"Goodnight, Akutagawa." He said, Akutagawa pressed the button to floor five and nodded slightly.

"Goodnight, Nakajima." He said, and seconds later, the elevator door closed.

Atsushi stayed on place for a few seconds, and took a deep breath. He turned around and started walking to his shared room.

Atsushi opened the door slowly, and was careful of not making any sounds. His roommate was always asleep early, and even if he was a heavy sleeper—possibility the hardest person to wake up, actually—Atsushi always liked to be extra careful, specially because he was scary whenever he woke up.

Atsushi walked slowly to his bed and without even changing his clothes, he laid down looking at the ceiling, he could hear Kenji's slow breathing in his own bed a few meters away, Atsushi sighed, and hugged his bag.

He closed his eyes, and unconsciously smiled softly. Akutagawa was an interesting, and maybe Tanizaki was right, maybe it had been fate the one that made Dazai and Atsushi change shifts.

"As if..." he muttered quietly to himself. Still, Atsushi fell asleep with a soft smile on his face.

Chapter Text

It had been a while since Atsushi and Dazai had changed shifts. Atsushi was getting used to a new schedule, and Dazai seemed to be surprisingly invested in his extra study sessions, which was a surprise, considering Dazai wasn't really known for being an applied student. Atsushi had already finished Hamlet a while ago, but he hadn't given it back to Dazai. He remembered his words clearly when he asked him not to look into it. But he couldn't ignore it, and the more he thought about it, he believed he had an idea of what Dazai meant; what did the highlighted parts meant.

Hamlet was Dazai, and Ophelia was Akutagawa.

It was painfully obvious, and when he remembered Tanizaki's words, every piece fell in place for him before his eyes.

Ophelia went mad for Hamlet, believing that he truly loved her. And that was her doom. Ophelia died, in what could be considered a suicide, and all of it because Hamlet refused her many things.

Hamlet: [...]  I did love you once.

Ophelia:  Indeed, my lord, you made me believe so.

Hamlet:  You should not have believed me. [...] I loved you not.

Ophelia:  I was more than deceived.

Atsushi felt sick thinking about it, he moved his fingers softly through the pages and he furrowed his eyebrows. He was currently lying in his bed looking at the ceiling, the old book in front of him, with a million notes hanging from it. Dazai Osamu was a... bizzare man, to say the least. Atsushi knew this after knowing the man for a few months, but everything about this story simply made Atsushi think about him with different eyes. It made him curious, and he realized that, in fact, he knew nothing about Dazai.

"Atsushi-san?" A small voice by his side interrupted his thoughts, he turned his head only to find Kenji looking at him from his desk, Atsushi sat down on his bed and smiled.

"Yes, Kenji-kun?" He asked, Kenji smiled and placed his pen down.

"You look a little distracted... are you okay?" He asked, Atsushi forced a smile and shook his head. Kenji was a first year, and he had just moved to the city. He used to live on a small village, and Atsushi doubted he could talk about this with him, considering he didn't seem like the kind that would understand these types of problems, considering that his problems were completely different—like how to use a computer!

"I'm okay, Kenji-kun!" He assured him. "How's everything's going for you? Have you made any friends?" He asked, Kenji's eyes lit up and he nodded, excitedly.

"Oh, yes! I've been wanting to tell you!" He said putting his hands together and smiling, Atsushi laughed. "I made good friends! People from the city are very nice!"

"I'm sure there are nice people everywhere, Kenji-kun." Atsushi commented, but the boy didn't seem to pay attention to him, as he was already naming all of the friends he had made. Atsushi listened smiling, in the little time he had been friends with Kenji, he had notice how much he acted like a little child. "I'm sure you would like them!" He exclaimed.

"I'm sure they're nice." He said, Kenji nodded.

"Oh, by the way, can I ask for a small favor?" He asked, Atsushi nodded.

"Yeah, what do you need?"

"My friends want to meet up in a mall on the other side of the city, but I don't know how to use the subway..." he explained, his smile not leaving his face for one second. "Can you help me?"

"Of course!" He accepted quickly. "When are you guys meeting up?" He questioned, Kenji placed a finger in his chin and thought about it for a second. His smile returned just a few seconds later.

"Today. At 6 in the afternoon." He said, Atsushi hummed lightly. A few seconds later, he stood up and looked at Kenji with his eyes widened.

"It's 5:30 already Kenji-kun!" He exclaimed. Kenji simply looked at him, confused.

"But this 'subways' are supposed to be fast, right?" He wondered; Atsushi nodded. "Then there's no problem!" He exclaimed with a grin.

"Yes, they are fast! But if you want to be there in time we better get going then!" Atsushi rushed, Kenji nodded and stood up just a few seconds later, he didn't seem worried about anything, trusting Atsushi.

The two of them ran to the station as fast as they could, but Kenji never lost his smile. Atsushi wondered how could the boy live without worrying about anything. They both reached the station a few minutes later, and Atsushi was sure he'd never be so thankful for the station being so close to the dorm rooms, and he panted.

He gave Kenji his card and taught him how to use it, and told him that he would tell him how to get his own next time—when they have more time. Kenji nodded and looked at the station, completely in awe.

"It's so big! The city sure it's amazing!" He exclaimed; his eyes widened slightly by the sight of the station before him. "Oh, look, Atsushi! There’s Gin!" He exclaimed, he pointed at a young girl with long black hair, who turned his head when she heard her name, her lips formed into a smile when she recognized Kenji, and she ran back to him.

"Kenji-kun!" She exclaimed smiling. Atsushi stopped for a second completely awestruck by how beautiful Kenji's friend was. "I thought I was going to be late, good to know I'm not the only one!" She laughed.

"Are we late...?" Kenji asked, confused. Gin just smiled, probably used to the boy's ignorance. Kenji took Atsushi's arm and smiled at Gin. "This is my roommate Atsushi!" He introduced him; Atsushi smiled lightly. "He was just teaching me how to use this card!"

Gin laughed and bowed her head lightly, Atsushi bowed back to her.

"Cool, I came here with my brother, he's right there, see?" She said pointed somewhere behind her. Both Kenji and Atsushi looked back and look in the crowd where Gin was pointing, without really recognizing anyone "Come, I'll introduce you two!" She said, and taking the two of them with her, they entered the station.

Gin touched a man from behind and he turned around, Atsushi's eyes widened when he recognized the man's gray eyes. Akutagawa also seemed surprised to see him there, but he didn't say anything.

"This is my brother, Ryunnosuke." Gin introduced. "This is my friend Kenji, and his roommate Atsushi."

"Nice to meet you, Gin's older brother!" Kenji greeted him with a smile.

"U-Uh, we already know each other... kind of." Atsushi muttered awkwardly; Akutagawa nodded slightly.

"Oh, cool." Gin answered without asking questions, she didn't really seem interested. She turned to her brother and said: "You can leave now; I can take the train with Kenji." She spoke.

"Are you sure?" Akutagawa asked, she nodded, Kenji turned to Atsushi too.

"I will take the train with Gin, then!" He spoke. "You can go with Gin's older brother somewhere! You are friends, after all!" He said, Atsushi tried to find the words to explain that 'know each other' wasn't the same as being friends but he didn't have the heart to erase Kenji's smile from his face, so he just nodded awkwardly while trying to avoid Akutagawa's curious gaze.

"Have fun, Kenji-kun!" Was the last thing he said before Kenji and Gin left, leaving both Akutagawa and Atsushi standing awkwardly side by side.

They didn't move for a few seconds, Akutagawa coughed lightly and the air between them felt heavy. Atsushi looked at his feet, without really knowing what to say, Akutagawa sighed and turned to Atsushi.

"I have unfinished business," he spoke. "So, I'll be leaving, goodbye."

"O-Oh, yeah!" Atsushi answered. "I have some unfinished business too at the... uh... library." He lied, Atsushi wasn't sure why exactly, he probably didn't want to look like a complete loser who had no plans. "Y-Yeah! I was planning on borrowing a book!" He said, Akutagawa stopped for a second and placed a hand on his chin, thoughtfully.

"Actually, I'm also headed for the library." He said, Atsushi felt his eyes widen lightly. Akutagawa turned around and started walking, Atsushi didn't move, Akutagawa turned around. "Are you coming?" He asked, Atsushi laughed nervously and nodded, walking fast to catch up with him.

"What are you doing at the library?" Atsushi asked, Akutagawa placed both of his hands in his coat.

"I need to investigate about a certain topic for class," he explain, Atsushi hummed, and realized Akutagawa had a small bag that probably carried his notebooks. 

"What is your major?" Atsushi asked without any intention beside doing small conversation. 

"I am an art major." He spoke without paying much attention. "But I started as a literature before I decided to switch."

"Oh, I am a literature major!" Atsushi exclaimed. "So, you're my senpai!"

"Not really, I dropped it after just a few months. You probably know more than I do..." He explained, Atsushi didn't know how to answer, and they both stayed quiet the rest of the walk.

Akutagawa wasn't what Atsushi would refer to as a social student. He was quiet, and he couldn't really maintain a conversation. Or maybe that was just how he was with him, they weren't friends, after all.

Yet, Atsushi felt somewhat drawn to him. Akutagawa wasn't the kind of person Atsushi would instantly want as a friend, but there was something about him that made him want to know him better.

And it wasn't just the fact that he was hot—Which he was!—but he seemed... somewhat interesting, mysterious, even. He wondered what made him drop Literature major, or why he had chosen it in the first place. Atsushi dound himself wondering many things about him, and didn't get an answer for any of his questions.

(Probably because Atsushi hadn't asked, but that would be weird!)

Akutagawa didn't look very interested in Atsushi, after all, their interactions were limited to Akutagawa's regular order of a black coffee, and sometimes they would see each other at the library—Like that one-time Atsushi had woken him up!—but they weren't friends; maybe acquaintances, at best.

"What book are you planning on reading?" Akutagawa asked, Atsushi hummed.

"Haven't thought of that, I'll read whatever I found." He said, shrugging his shoulders. "I've been having a little of free time lately. And I already finished all of the books I had at home; did you know I can read many books at once? Tanizaki-san says is weird, but I don't think it is!" He continued smiling, Akutagawa looked at him for a few seconds, before saying:

"I can see why you chose to be a literature major; you seem very... fond of books." Akutagawa said, and Atsushi jumped lightly and felt his face burn of embarrassment. He was rambling, and to someone he barely knew!

"Oh... sorry... I get excited when I get to talk to someone about books..." he apologized nervously, Akutagawa shook his head slightly.

"It's okay," he assured him. "I wish I could be as excited as you talking about something..." he said, Atsushi hummed lightly.

"I'm sure there's things you like." He said, Akutagawa raised an eyebrow lightly. "You said you were an Art major, right? How about drawing? Do you like it?"

"I'm not bad at it, but I wouldn't say I like it..." Akutagawa answered honestly, but Atsushi was not giving up.

"Then maybe something else. Singing?"

"No, never in a million dreams."

"Hm... Then playing video games?"

"Never been that type of person."

"Eating?"

"I eat because I want to survive, not because I enjoy it." He said, Atsushi rolled his eyes.

"You seem to enjoy black coffee though." He said, Akutagawa placed a hand on his chin, thoughtfully.

"That's different. Black coffee is like gasoline, I wouldn't survive studies without it." He said, he looked completely serious. Atsushi chuckled lightly.

"How..." Atsushi interrupted himself before he could finish. He bit his lip and thought about the right words to say. When he talked, his voice was softer than before: "H-How about reading?" He asked. "You said you were a Literature student before..."

Akutagawa didn't answer immediately, and Atsushi didn't dwell in it. Both of them walked silently, the sound of their steps slowly getting synchronized, and Atsushi realized their steps were coordinated. He didn't mention it.

"Reading... can be fun, sometimes, I think..." Akutagawa answered quietly. "I just... I haven't found any good books lately."

Atsushi knew he shouldn't go down that road. He knew what he was going to get himself into, but his stupid mouth didn't, so he said:

"How about Hamlet?" He asked, he noticed how Akutagawa jumped slightly behind him and Atsushi bit his lip, slapping himself mentally for his stupid decision. "I-I mean... You seemed pretty... uh, interested in reading it."

Akutagawa stayed quiet for only a few seconds, and Atsushi was about to apologize (Not sure how he was going to apologize without revealing that he knew about Akutagawa and Dazai's relationship all along. But he would manage), but the man by his side responded:

"I don't like Hamlet." He spoke quietly, Atsushi didn't know how to answer, so he stayed quiet, and Akutagawa didn't continue. Atsushi realized it would be a mistake to push any further, so, they both stayed quiet for the rest of the way to the library.

When they both entered the old building, Akutagawa hurried to the Art section, while Atsushi simply stared at his back while he walked away.

"Hey, Akutagawa..." He called one last time. Akutagawa stopped walking for a second and turned his head back, his expression told Atsushi how much he actually feared being question about the earlier conversation. Atsushi smiled softly. "I'll be on the fiction section of you need anything." Was the only thing he said, Akutagawa looked surprised for a moment, but he nodded not long after.

Atsushi stared at him until he disappeared behind the wall, and he sighed. Akutagawa was a mystery, and Atsushi wanted to solve it. He clicked his tongue lightly. What a stupid thought.

Akutagawa and him were not friends, he reminded himself.

He walked to the fiction section with a small frown on his face. He went through the book without really taking any, his thoughts wandering to the man on the room next to him. From what he knew, Akutagawa Ryunnosuke was anything but a simple man. He didn't seem to have many friends, but sometimes he would go to the cafe with a blonde girl—His girlfriend, perhaps?—on those rare occasions, Atsushi would pay even more attention, considering his focus was on the girl and probably wouldn't realize Atsushi's eyes on him.

He realized a few things that made him feel like a stalker, considering he probably didn't think of Atsushi as his friend. He realized how, even though he wore baggy clothes, he was severely underweight; when he realized this, Atsushi started offering desserts to eat with his usual black coffee, which he would usually deny.

He also realized the way he always coughed. Atsushi remembered one-time he had a coughing attack inside the cafe, and him and Tanizaki had to help him with it. Atsushi had never seen anyone cough up blood before that time, and the memory always made a shiver run down his spine. Was he sickly? Atsushi's thoughts dwell on different tangents, and he didn't realize he had been standing in front the same bookshelf when a voice behind him called him, forcing him out of his thoughts.

"Hey, Nakajima..." Akutagawa called, Atsushi jumped slightly and turned his head to face Akutagawa, he laughed nervously.

"Y-Yeah?" He asked.

"Can I ask you something?" He spoke nervously, Atsushi raised an eyebrow, confused, but nodded.

"What do you need?" Atsushi asked.

"Can you please model for me?" He spoke, Atsushi felt his eyes widened and he opened his mouth, but no words came out of it. Akutagawa's cheeks blushed slightly and he averted his gaze.

"Uh... w-what?" Atsushi asked, confused, Akutagawa took a notebook out of his backpack and pointed at it.

"For my class..." he said. "My project is on photography... can you model for me?" He repeated. 

Atsushi let out a small 'oh', and he stood quiet for a moment, thinking about it. He didn't really have a lot of free time nowadays, with his classes and his work. He was about to refuse, but then his eyes locked with Akutagawa's, he swallowed saliva.

"I will." He said immediately, Akutagawa seemed to relax immediately and if Atsushi didn't know better, he would say Akutagawa smiled slightly.

"G-Great!" He said, he took out his phone and gave it to Atsushi, who simply raised an eyebrow. "Uh, it would be helpful of you could give me your number..."

"O-Oh, y-yeah!" Atsushi said, probably a little louder that he should've, and after adding his contact to Akutagawa's phone, he returned it. "There you go." He muttered. Akutagawa looked it for a few seconds and nodded.

"Thanks, you'll be uh... really helpful." He said, Atsushi smiled awkwardly. Akutagawa turned around and seemed ready to leave, but he stopped just a few moments later. "Actually, do you have time to hear about my project right now?" He asked, he seemed. nervous. Atsushi smiled and nodded.

"I do." He answered. Akutagawa nodded and sat down on the library's desk; Atsushi sat next to him.

While Akutagawa was pulling out his things from his backpack, Atsushi supported his head in his hands and inspected Akutagawa's profile.

He was... very pretty, and Atsushi could feel himself blushing slightly only for looking at him, he bit his lip and averted his gaze.

"Anything troubling you?" Akutagawa asked looking at him with an eyebrow raised, Atsushi hadn't even realized he was frowning so he simply laughed it off.

"Everything's fine, just thinking." He answered, Akutagawa hummed lightly and returned his gaze to his notebook, looking for the right page; Atsushi sighed.

He was dead. Akutagawa was totally different from him, he told himself. He was quiet, hard-worker, and he liked black coffee, for God's sake!

And he loved Dazai-san...

This new crush of his was a little more troubling than what he first thought it would be.

But that was all it was, a simple, innocent crush on Akutagawa, right? He would move on quickly and he would not trouble anyone with his thoughts.

Akutagawa finally found the page he was looking for behind him and he smiled softly, Atsushi cursed himself the moment he saw him curve his lips, and he looked down and his hands.

Maybe he wasn't moving on any time soon...

Chapter Text

The project was simple enough.

Akutagawa would take pictures of Atsushi, and Atsushi would only need to... pose for them. Which wasn't exactly complicated, but that didn't stop Atsushi from panicking while walking to Akutagawa's room.

What if it was all a joke? A really unfunny and messed up joke, that is. Atsushi would embarrass himself for life!

He took a deep breath and knocked on the door, it only took a few seconds for Akutagawa to answer, he let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't a joke. "Hey." Atsushi greeted, Akutagawa muttered a small hi and moved to the side to let Atsushi enter his room. His mouth and eyes widened when he saw how Akutagawa had organized his room.

There were two beds, one with a few materials on top—That one was probably Akutagawa's—and the other one was empty. There were a few color backgrounds on the floor, and a professional camera on top of the desk. A portfolio, and also some props were on top of the bed. Atsushi swallowed saliva. Everything looked so... professional.

"I, um... S-Sorry for the mess." he murmured, Atsushi shook his head.

"Is alright, uh, it looks pretty cool, actually, like a professional studio of some sort..." Atsushi said, avoiding his gaze, embarrassed. Akutagawa didn't answer for a few seconds, and an awkward silence was born, Atsushi swallowed saliva, nervous.

"D-Do you want to start immediately or do you want a glass of water or something...?" Akutagawa asked without looking at him in the eye, Atsushi hummed lightly.

"Let's start if you want to..." he said, Akutagawa nodded and turned around slowly. He took the portfolio from his bed and started going through the pages, Atsushi stood up quietly waiting. Akutagawa turned to a certain page and placed the portfolio on top of a table; Atsushi got closer to see it.

The page opened was pink, with a sketch of a face with butterflies, Akutagawa avoided Atsushi confused gaze, flustered.

"This is, uh..." he coughed lightly. "This is the type of pictures I want to take today, is that okay?" Akutagawa asked. Atsushi opened his eyes wide and nodded slightly. Would he be able to do it? He would probably fail at it... Oh, no, Akutagawa would hate him because he would make him fail this project.

However, Akutagawa smiled with relief when he saw the way Atsushi nodded. Atsushi didn't have the heart to tell him that he would probably fail if he used him as a model, so he kept quiet. He kept quiet when Akutagawa started preparing the different backgrounds and props. Akutagawa placed an orange background with butterflies, and told Atsushi to stand in the middle, and Atsushi did as ordered, quietly

"W-What should I do...? Sorry, I have never done this before..." Atsushi said, Akutagawa took his camera and looked at Atsushi, his eyes carefully analyzing the scene.

"J-Just look at the camera... and, uh, d-don't smile." Akutagawa said quietly. Atsushi nodded, and did as order. Akutagawa took many pictures, but Atsushi couldn't help but to think his face was awkward, and he was sure both of his cheeks were burning of embarrassment.

Akutagawa changed the backgrounds a few times, and change his position couple of times, but most of the time he was simply staring at Atsushi.

(Something Atsushi didn't found embarrassing, of course not)

Sometimes Akutagawa would bring out props, and make Atsushi pose with them, and sometimes he would tell Atsushi to look on different directions, and Atsushi simply thought he would ruin the picture. He decided not to comment on it.

The sun was almost setting when Akutagawa decided he had enough pictures for his project.

"Thanks, I couldn't find anyone else to help me..." he said, Atsushi nodded slightly and smiled softly.

"I'm glad I could help... I'm sorry if I wasn't a perfect model..." he apologized. Akutagawa raised an eyebrow and stared at him, confused.

"What do you mean?" He asked. "The pictured turned out great, you were absolutely incredible. When I finish editing them, I'll send them to you. You are an amazing model" He complimented, Atsushi opened his mouth, surprised, and felt his cheeks burn slightly. Akutagawa didn't seem at all embarrassed, but he was staring completely convinced of his words. Atsushi laughed nervously.

"Oh..." was everything Atsushi could say. Akutagawa looked through the window and after a few seconds, he sighed, Atsushi swallowed saliva, nervously. "Is everything alright?" Atsushi asked, Akutagawa nodded.

"Yeah, is just... Well, um," he spoke eloquently. Atsushi raised an eyebrow, and Akutagawa sighed again. "Can... Can you help me again some other time...?" He asked, Atsushi raised his eyebrows, surprised, and stared at Akutagawa, who simply avoided his gaze by looking at his feet, Atsushi coughed lightly.

"U-Uh, y-yeah... I... I can help you again, if you want to..." he said, Akutagawa immediately relaxed and nodded.

"Thanks... You will be really helpful." He said, Atsushi opened his eyes slowly and gave him an honest smiled.

"I'm glad I could help." He said smiling. Akutagawa gave Atsushi a very small smile and he nodded, Atsushi felt his heart jump in his chest.

They both started putting the mess away after a few moments. While Atsushi collected the props and the backgrounds, Akutagawa was organizing his portfolio and putting the makeup away. It was a quiet afternoon, and Atsushi couldn't help but to feel somewhat comfortable next to Akutagawa, without even exchanging words.

"How are your arms?" Akutagawa asked after a few seconds. Atsushi lowered his gaze to his arms and looked at the bandages, he laughed nervously.

"They're alright. Almost completely healed." He spoke. Akutagawa looked at his arms for a few seconds and frowned.

"Didn't you go to a hospital, or something? The burns were pretty serious..." he said silently. Atsushi swallowed saliva and he looked at his arms, he laughed slightly, not really knowing what to say.

"Oh... I, uh, I simply treated them at my apartment." He said awkwardly. "I-It's okay thought!" He spoke. Akutagawa hummed lightly and shook his head.

"If you say so..."  is everything Akutagawa replied. He seemed like he wanted to ask or say something else, but Atsushi thanked that he didn't. They both finished up cleaning in silence, their hands moving steadly to collect every prop used.

It was somewhat late when they finished cleaning, and Atsushi, as tired and exhausted as he was, he couldn't help but to hope to see Akutagawa a little longer. He blushed lightly at that thought, and swallowed saliva.

Of course, Atsushi was well aware that Akutagawa's interest in Atsushi didn't go beyond asking him for a coffee in the morning—And now asking him for a favor for his class!—but somehow, Atsushi still felt drawn towards him.

He wanted to know everything about him, without being creepy, of course. He wanted to know his favorite color—probably black—, his favorite food—Does Black Coffee counts as a food?—, what he likes to do in his free time—Read...?—, everything.

Again, he was just being ridiculous, there was no way Akutagawa was interested in the slightest in Atsushi. He sighed.

"I'll be going now, but I'm glad I could help..." Atsushi said, Akutagawa opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, like he wanted to say something, but ended up deciding not to say anything. He nodded a few seconds later.

"I... I see, thank you again for your help." He said, Atsushi nodded and turned around, and just as he was about to close the door to Akutagawa's room, he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

He turned around and saw Akutagawa holding his shoulder, a surprised look on his face, like he wasn't expecting to throw himself to stop Atsushi. He pulled his hand back and bit his lip, Atsushi blushed lightly.

"Actually..." he coughed. "Actually, I have an, uh... invitation."

"An 'invitation'?" Atsushi repeated, confused, Akutagawa nodded and avoided his gaze.

"Yeah, uh, m-my roommate is doing a party later today, would you like to join me?" He asked, Atsushi opened his eyes wide and stayed quiet for a moment, not really knowing what to say, Akutagawa seemed to take that as a no. "I-I mean, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked, you can leave, is fine—"

"Actually... I'll be glad to come." Atsushi muttered with a small smile on his face, Akutagawa cut his words and laughed nervously.

"O-Oh, I see... I'll, uh, I'll send you the direction later." He said, Atsushi nodded with his head and smiled.

"Okay, thanks." He spoke. Atsushi bowed his head one last time, and this time, he actually went out of the room. He made his way to his room in silence, and he opened the door. Kenji was nowhere to be found, and Atsushi sat in his bed, confused.

Was it his imagination, or was Akutagawa actually showing some kind of interest in him?

The thought made him blush strongly and he hid his face on the pillow, embarrassed. Atsushi rolled in his bed a couple of times, when the notification bell of his phone rang, he took it out of his pocket immediately and stared at the message.

Akutagawa had simply sent him a location, and Atsushi felt his lips curve without him being able to stop them from doing so. He laughed nervously and answered a 'thanks', he threw the phone on his desk and stared at the ceiling, his eyes focusing on the white fan above his head.

He heard Kenji walked through the door, and he turned his head. Kenji smiled at him and placed his backpack on his bed.

"Oh, Atsushi-san, you're back!" He exclaimed; Atsushi nodded. Kenji sat down on his bed and stared at Atsushi. "What are you doing?"

"Just thinking..." he replied, he sat down and faced Kenji, who hadn't erased his smile. "Oh, I'm not going to be here later, you can order food or something if you want." He spoke, Kenji opened his eyes wide.

"Oh, really? What will you be doing?" He asked, Atsushi laughed nervously.

"I'm going to a party, a, uh, friend invited me." He explained, Kenji let out a small 'oh' and nodded.

"Sounds fun! What will you be wearing?" Kenji asked, Atsushi hummed lightly.

"I don't know, I'll figure it out..." he said shrugging his shoulders. Kenji nodded.

"Are you going to do your makeup?" Kenji asked innocently, while taking some things out of his bag.

"I don't kno— Wait, w-what?!" He jumped slightly when he realized what Kenji had said, his roommate simply nodded, not even looking faced.

"Makeup!" Kenji specified, "Gin says she wears it for parties and events, why don't you too?" Kenji asked, Atsushi opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, not knowing how to answer. He sighed.

"I... I have never worn makeup to parties or reunions before... I-I don't even think I own makeup!" He exclaimed, Kenji nodded and placed a hand on his chin.

"Oh, I see!" He said, Atsushi nodded. "Then I'll call Gin so she can come and do your makeup for you!"

"Yeah... Wait, no, Kenji-kun!"

"I'm sure she'll be so happy to do it. Gin told me she loves doing makeup." Kenji spoke already taking out his phone and looking for Gin in his contacts, completely ignoring Atsushi. "Oh, there she is!" He spoke when he found his friend's contact.

Kenji pressed on their chat and completely ignoring Atsushi's requests to stop, he sent the message, and he received a reply just a few moments later.

"She agreed!" He said, Atsushi opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. What was he supposed to say? Thank you? Well, is not like he minded, but...

He sighed. "Don't you think it'll look bad...?" He asked, Kenji opened his eyes wide and stared at Atsushi dumbfounded for a second. He shook his head.

"I don't think so..." He replied. "Plus, Gin works half-time as a makeup artist, I'm pretty sure she'll do great!"

Atsushi didn't know how to say that it wasn't Gin's skill what he was doubting about, so he simply forced a smile and nodded.

"Yes, you're right..." he muttered. Kenji smiled one more time—Did this kid ever stopped smiling? Not that it was troublesome it was just... surprising to see someone this happy—and turned his head, returning his attention to his things.

Atsushi looked at the boy for a few seconds, and sighed softly. He decided to take a look at his notes to pass the time, and before he could even realize how much time had passed by, he heard knocking on the door.

"Oh, that must be Gin!" Kenji said standing up, he opened the door and was met with a smiling Gin, who in her hands she carried a small box, Atsushi swallowed saliva, nervous. "Hi! Thanks for coming!" Kenji said, Gin nodded.

"Don't worry about it," she said, she bowed her head slightly to greet Atsushi and placed the box on top of Atsushi's bed, she smiled. "Now, what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to do his makeup!" Kenji answered, Gin chuckled.

"Yes, I know that. I was asking what kind of makeup did you wanted?" She asked, this time turning to Atsushi.

"I, uh, Something... something simple...? Maybe? I-I... I don't know... J-Just do whatever you think is right!" Atsushi stuttered through his words, Gin stared at him for a few seconds, and nodded slightly, with a small smile on her face.

"You don't need to worry; I'll make sure you look nice!" She said, Atsushi relaxed a little when he heard her, and he took a deep breath. "Sit down, I'll start by doing your eyes!" She said, Atsushi nodded.

Kenji started talking with Gin about their classes while she while she took out different kinds of makeup tools Atsushi had never seen before.

(What was that thing she was holding? It definitely didn't look like something you should use on your face...! Was this some kind of modern torture..!?)

Gin told Atsushi to close his eyes, and he did as order, he felt how a small brush touched his eyelid, and he tensed under it.

"Relax, it's fine. I won't do anything over the top, I swear." She said, Atsushi hummed lightly and tried to relax, a few minutes went by, and Gin swapped tools every so often, going through different brushes, and powders Atsushi had only seen on commercials.

She took out a... pencil? Was she going to draw on his face? Gin noticed Atsushi's doubted look towards the eyeliner she was holding, and she simply laughed. Atsushi did not. Laugh, that is.

He felt the way the pencil started... drawing...? On his eyes, he was told to look up and down a couple of times, and when Gin smiled proudly at him, Atsushi let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Okay, I'm done," she said, Kenji let out a small 'oh' in the background and Atsushi felt his cheeks burn of embarrassment. "You look pretty good even if I must say so myself, what do you think, Kenji?"

"You look very handsome!" Kenji said, Atsushi laughed nervously. How did Kenji managed to say whatever was in his head without feeling any kind of embarrassment will always be a mystery to Atsushi. Gin took out a mirror out of her box—which Atsushi was sure it was endless, because no normal box would be able to have so many things inside of it—and handed to Atsushi, which he took doubtfully.

He turned it around and opened his eyes wide when he saw his reflection. The different marks on his skin had disappeared, and the pencil on top of his eyes (Eyeliner, Gin had called it) made him look... different... Atsushi would go as far as to say he looked good. His eyelashes looked darker too, was that mascara? Atsushi looked at Gin and couldn't help but to smile, a little embarrassed

"So, what you think?" Gin asked, Atsushi nodded slightly.

"I... I like it... thanks..." he said, Gin smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

"So, where are you going today?" She asked while putting her things away, Kenji had left to the bathroom a few moments ago. Atsushi smiled.

"Actually, your brother invited me to a party later, I told Kenji-kun about it and he had this whole idea of me wearing—"

"—Wait, wait," Gin interrupted him with a frown. "My brother, you said?"

Atsushi nodded, confused. "Yeah?"

Gin stared at Atsushi for a few seconds, and bit her lip. Her frown grew bigger and Atsushi simply smiled nervously.

"I-Is there a problem...?" Atsushi asked nervously, Gin shook her head, and muttered something.

"I'm just..." she sighed and closed her small box. "Tell Kenji-kun that I'll come later to hang out. I need to talk to my dear brother. Bye, Atsushi. Good luck."

"U-Uh, y-yeah, bye...?" Atsushi replied confused while Gin went out the door. He stayed in place for a few seconds, not knowing what to think about her reaction.

He stared at the door with a confused frown on his face. What was that all about?

"Oh, Gin already left?" Kenji asked as soon as he walked out of the bathroom, Atsushi nodded slightly.

"She said she'll come back later to hang out."

"Oh, okay, did she say why she left?"

Atsushi bit his lip and thought about his answer for a few seconds, he sighed.

"No idea..."

Chapter Text

Atsushi stared at the door of the club for a few seconds, debating with himself whenever he should enter or turn around and tell Kenji he was a coward and stay up all night probably hating himself until he can sleep.

Second option was horrible, but that didn't mean he wanted to enter... well, he did, he just didn't know how. Would he enter and then everyone would turn their faces? Would they judge him because of how he looked? It would be so awkward! Atsushi sank deeper into his thoughts and his feet did not move a single millimeter. Also, Gin's comment and tone simply was a red flag about this whole situation. I should go...

"Oh, Atsushi-kun, you're here!" A voice behind him called, Atsushi jumped in place and turned around slowly, only to be met with Dazai standing in front of him (with his eyes glued on his phone screen) and Kunikida's small scoff. He smiled awkwardly.

"Hey..." he greeted them with a small smile, Dazai didn't raise his head and nodded.

"Hello, Atsushi-kun, I didn't expect to see you here—" Dazai interrupted himself when he cached a glimpse of Atsushi's face, and his lips quickly curved into an amused smile, with eyes that said I will have fun with this. Atsushi swallowed saliva. "My, my, Atsushi-kun, I can't say I have ever had the honor of seeing you with makeup on..."

"Dazai, leave the kid alone." Kunikida said, Dazai—to Atsushi's misfortune—ignored him and kept talking.

"I will say, you look extremely handsome, I might even try to steal you for myself..." Dazai spoke, Atsushi looked behind him to look at Kunikida's reaction (And throw him a save me glance while at it), but the blond man only rolled his eyes. "Who are you trying to seduce? Is it me? Oh, I'm honored—!"

"Dazai." Kunikida called coldly. Dazai's smile dropped and he sighed.

"Alright, fine, Kunikida-kun, but only because you are very attractive!" Dazai spoke, Kunikida scoffed lightly, but Atsushi could swear the tips of his ears had turned a light crimson color, he smiled lightly. "Anyway, we should enter the place, we can't keep the people expecting us waiting, now, can we?"

"Nobody is expecting you..." Kunikida muttered, and if Dazai heard, he decided to ignore this comment.

Atsushi's doubts about entering were soon replaced with loud music on his ears, the strong smell of alcohol anywhere he looked, and a bunch of college students dancing or playing some party game. Atsushi swallowed saliva.

Well, it wasn't like he had never been on a party before, some friends in his classes like Lucy invited him sometimes to gathers with a few classmates... but it was clearly not on the same level.

Whoever Akutagawa's roommate is... they must be popular.

"Oh, well, Atsushi-kun. I will go with Kunikida-kun and ask something to drink, you can come with us if you want to or you can go look for that one person you tried to impress today with your makeup..." Dazai spoke, Atsushi jumped slightly and felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment.

"I-Is not like that!" He replied, a little louder and sounding a little more desperate than what he would've liked. Dazai only laughed.

"Sure is not, well, I'll see you around!" Dazai said intertwining his arm with Kunikida's, Atsushi nodded and in just a few seconds, both men had disappeared from his view.

Atsushi stayed in place for a few moments, awkwardly looking around and trying to figure out what to do. He walked around for a few seconds and caught a few people staring at him, he blushed strongly at the unwanted attention. well of course they would stare, I must look out of place...

"Oh, Nakajima, you've arrived..." A voice behind him spoke, Atsushi jumped in place and turned around slowly. Atsushi smiled relieved when he saw Akutagawa, standing in front of him. Akutagawa opened his eyes wide when he noticed Atsushi's makeup, Atsushi simply raised his hand with a small smile.

"Hey, Akutagawa..." He greeted him, Akutagawa kept staring at his face completely dumbfounded and Atsushi laughed nervously. "I-Is everything alright?"

Akutagawa blinked a couple of times and then coughed into his hand. He nodded. "Yes, sorry, I just didn't expect..." Akutagawa interrupted himself and shook his head, Atsushi stared at him for a few seconds. "U-Uh, come with me, I'd like you to meet my friends..."

Akutagawa started walking and Atsushi followed behind. They walked through the room trying not to bump into anything, and Atsushi made sure to not lose Akutagawa.

Akutagawa suddenly stopped walking and Atsushi crashed into his back. He let out a small 'ow' and raised his head to see Akutagawa, who was standing in front of a group of people.

"Hey, this is Nakajima, the one I told you about..." Akutagawa called them, everyone raised their heads and stared at Atsushi, who swallowed saliva.

"Oh, so this is the kid?" A guy with red hair and a hat said while he took another drink of of his glass. He looked... quite classy, even in the messy environment he was in, Atsushi bowed lightly to greet them all.

"These are Higuchi, Koyo-nee, Chuuya-san, Tachihara and Kaiji." He introduced them, some of his friends muttered greetings while some only ignored him. "This is Atsushi Nakajima, and he has been helping me lately with my photography project."

"Oh, so you're the model?" Tachihara asked, Atsushi nodded slightly, and Tachihara just smirked. Atsushi didn't want to ask what the smirk meant.

He had seen some of them around the campus sometimes, and Higuchi sometimes went with Akutagawa to the café. Akutagawa and him sat down next to each other and in front of Koyo, who smiled softly at him.

"So, Nakajima-kun..."

"A-Actually, Atsushi is fine!" He interrupted Koyo, she simply smiled and nodded.

"Okay, Atsushi-kun..." she said. "Did my eyes deceive me, or were you with dear Dazai?" She spoke, he felt the way Akutagawa tensed by his side and Chuuya let out a small grunt. Atsushi smiled awkwardly, apparently, Dazai's name was one that changed the complete mood of the conversation. He nodded lightly.

"Yeah, I encountered Dazai-san and Kunikida-san on my way here..." Atsushi answered, Koyo smiled.

"Really? That's nice..." Koyo said, to what Chuuya only rolled his eyes.

"Stupid Dazai, why did he even come? He wasn't even invited!" Chuuya complained, Kaiji laughed.

"Oh, Chuuya-san! Why don't you understand?! Even if you don't invite Dazai, he will always appear, one way or the other!" Kaiji spoke on an over-dramatic way, and Chuuya only rolled his eyes.

Atsushi chuckled lightly and turned his head to see Akutagawa. His smile quickly disappearing when he noticed the way Akutagawa was biting his lip, Atsushi frowned.

"I need more alcohol..." Chuuya muttered.

Koyo shook her head and took away his glass. "One more glass and you'll get wasted. Your alcohol tolerance is equal to zero."

"Shaddup! I'm an adult, my alcohol tolerance is not zero!" Chuuya complained, but Koyo didn't even flinch at his words.

"Last week you came to my apartment and got drunk. I had to take care of you." She spoke. Their argument kept going for a few moments, and Atsushi noticed the way Akutagawa had significantly relaxed when the conversation had gone a different direction. Apparently, he didn't like talking about Dazai.

Atsushi listen to their conversation, and even commented a few times. He discovered that Chuuya was the one that planned the party, and he also discovered that the Tachihara guy and Gin were dating. Koyo seemed like a big sis to everyone, Higuchi was way too sweet to be with this... intense kind of people, specifically with Kaiji, who was very... indescribable.

He didn't discover anything else about Akutagawa, unfortunately. Akutagawa was quiet, but he still seemed to be enjoying himself. At least, that's what Atsushi got from the way his lips would sometimes curve in a small smile.

Atsushi stood up and smiled. "I'm going to get something to drink." He declared, Chuuya asked him to get him something before getting hit on the shoulder by Koyo, Atsushi laughed lightly.

"Hey, Akutagawa-kun, go with him." Koyo said, Akutagawa raised his head and stared at her for a few seconds. He sighed and nodded, standing too and staring to walk to the drinks table in an uncomfortable silence.

"U-Uh..." Atsushi muttered to call for his attention, Akutagawa turned his head and waited for Atsushi to continue. "I-Is Chuuya-san... you know... rich?" Atsushi asked while looked around, Akutagawa, to his surprise, chuckled lightly. Maybe the alcohol had started to get into him...

"We all say he is, but he never says anything about his family," he explained, Atsushi nodded "Koyo-nee san thinks that his grandpa is part of the mafia, isn't it crazy?

Atsushi hummed lightly. "Well, he would fit very well with—"

"—Oh, Atsushi-kun, and Akutagawa-kun! You're here!"

Akutagawa froze the moment he heard the voice, Dazai was staring at both of them from the bar, seemingly... drunk. Kunikida was sitting beside him, with his eyes on a book, not even paying attention to his boyfriend.

"Here, here, come here!" Dazai called raising his hands. Akutagawa and Atsushi shared a look and slowly started walking to Dazai. "Look, Kunikida-kun! My two favorite people in the world are here!"

Kunikida hummed lightly, not paying a single bit of attention. Dazai pouted lightly but quickly returned his attention to Akutagawa and Atsushi.

"I didn't expect to see you guys together, are you friends?" Dazai asked, Atsushi laughed nervously and didn't answer (totally not because he didn't know what to answer), while Akutagawa opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. "Oh, so you're not friends?" Dazai asked with his eyebrows raised, Akutagawa coughed into his hand and muttered something that Atsushi couldn't understand, Dazai laughed. "Care to repeat that, Akutagawa-kun?"

Akutagawa jumped slightly and nodded. He immediately extended his arm and intertwined Atsushi's hand with his own. Atsushi blushed strongly and stared at Akutagawa in disbelief, who simply avoided Atsushi's gaze by staring straight at Dazai.

"We are actually dating..." Akutagawa spoke, Atsushi opened his eyes wide, and was about to argue when he felt Akutagawa squeeze his hand lightly, like asking for help. A million thoughts ran through his mind in just a few seconds, and he forced a smile.

"...Yeah..." he agreed, nodding, not sure of what was happening. Dazai put both of his hands together and laughed loudly, Kunikida threw him a glare from the side but say nothing.

"I can't believe this!" Dazai exclaimed, a little more excited than what Atsushi would've liked. "Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were friends...!" He whined; Atsushi laughed nervously, not knowing what to say.

Many things were happening, and Atsushi wasn't sure he could keep up with the situation, but thankfully, Akutagawa answered. "We just started dating." He said, Atsushi nodded, not really understating what was happening. Dazai laughed.

"Oh, so I'm actually the first one to know? I'm so honored! Did you hear, Kunikida-kun? I'm special...!" Dazai threw his hands up and almost falls of his chair, Kunikida sighed and slowly closed his book.

"You're already drunk enough, let's get going" he said while standing up, Dazai frowned.

"But it's still early...!" Dazai complained, Kunikida didn't flinch.

"Is not my fault you got drunk in the first few hours. Now, no complains, let's get home." Kunikida remarked harshly, Dazai pouted.

"I want to hear everything about my dear Akutagawa-kun and my dear Atsushi-kun's relationship..." Kunikida said, Akutagawa and Atsushi blushed strongly at his words and avoided their gaze. Kunikida sighed.

"Let's go, Dazai. You'll ask them later..." he said, he helped Dazai to stand up, and he bowed lightly to both of them, before dragging Dazai with him, who kept whining to Kunikida, who simply rolled his eyes.

Akutagawa's forced smile immediately disappeared, and he immediately let go of Atsushi's hand, he exhaled loudly. Atsushi stayed quiet and waited for Akutagawa to explain. But Akutagawa simply sat down on the chair in front of him, and grunted loudly.

"Akutagawa... W-What... What was that?" Atsushi muttered, Akutagawa froze, like he had forgotten Atsushi's existence. He didn't answer, Atsushi frowned and touch his shoulder. "Hey, answer me."

Akutagawa didn't move a single centimeter, and Atsushi sighed. He pulled a chair and sat down next to him, in silence.

The bartender—an open bar? Chuuya must be extremely rich to afford it—approached them and asked them if they wanted anything, Atsushi was about to shake his head and decline, when he stopped himself.

He threw a glare at Akutagawa, and he bit his lip. "Actually, can I have two bottles of uh... whatever that is?" He asked pointing to some bottles behind him, the bartender nodded and turned around, Akutagawa turned his head and opened his mouth, but Atsushi interrupted whatever he was about to say: "Just... shut up, let's drink and you'll explain later." He spoke.

It was tirying. To see someone you're interested in use you as... as a way to call for someone else's attention...? Atsushi wasn't even sure of what was going on, but somehow this made him a little angry, and frustrated.

Akutagawa seemed surprised by Atsushi's determination, and if Atsushi was being honest with himself, he simply wanted to avoid hearing Akutagawa's bullshit reasons. He didn't have the energy to.

Maybe the few sips of alcohol he had a few hours ago were already affecting him, but whatever it was, he didn't care, especially when he saw Akutagawa's surprised expression. That made it a little worth it, just a little.

The bartender didn't take long, and in just a few moments, two bottles of alcohol were placed in front of Akutagawa and Atsushi. Atsushi took it and looked at it for a few seconds, he sighed.

"To misunderstandings and other idiotic things." He cheered, his voice not sounding exactly... well, cheerful. He brought the bottle closer to his mouth, and gave it a long drink, feeling the alcohol burning in his throat.

Akutagawa stared at him for a few seconds, and sighed. He took the bottle, and took a drink out of it as well.

Who cares? Thought Atsushi to himself while he stared at the bottle in his hands. After all, we are dating now, aren't we?

He laughed bitterly, and hid his face with his hand, and ignoring the look Akutagawa was giving him from beside him, Atsushi gave another drink to his bottle.

Chapter Text

"So, Akutagawa..." Atsushi called resting his face on his hands, Akutagawa turned his head. He had gone through half the bottle, and he already felt a little dizzy, but who cared? He was having the time of his life. He laughed for no reason. "Are we dating now?" He asked. Akutagawa jumped slightly and shook his head.

"I didn't know you had such a low alcohol tolerance, almost as low as Chuuya-san..." Akutagawa muttered, Atsushi didn't know what he meant, nor he did care, so he continued:

"I mean, that's what you told Dazai-san, do you want us to date...?" Atsushi asked, Akutagawa stayed quiet for a second, and shook his head slightly.

"No..." he murmured. "Dazai-san is..."

"Yeah, yeah, you're true love or whatever! But that's boring!" Atsushi said, with a dumb smile. "Plus, Dazai-san already has Kunikida-san! Meanwhile, I am single, and in need of a partner!"

Akutagawa stared at him for a few seconds in disbelief, and then chuckled lightly. "I didn't know it would only take a couple of drinks to make you show your real personality." He said, Atsushi raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean my real personality?" He asked frowning.

"You are usually... very collected, extremely quiet and awkward, and you always seem... afraid, like you don't want to mess up." He spoke, Atsushi bit his lip.

"Well, how about you?" He spoke. "You are quiet, and your eyes are always... distant, like you are looking to something far away from you... What are you seeing?" Atsushi asked, Akutagawa stayed quiet. "Answer me."

"I don't have to." He replied.

"Hey—!" Atsushi stopped himself, and bit his lip, there was a pause, before he continued: "Why do you read Hamlet, when you said you didn't like it?"

Akutagawa inhaled loudly, and frowned. Instead of answering, he asked back: "Why didn't you react when you burned your arms?" He asked. Atsushi jumped in place and gasped lightly. So this was the game Akutagawa was going to play, huh?

"Why did you drop out of the literature major?"

Akutagawa could feel their voiced getting louder with every second, but thankfully everyone around them were too drunk to realize, including Atsushi, but Akutagawa thought he could see a sense of consciousness on his eyes, like he was sobering up with their discussion.

"Why did you do your makeup today?"

"Why did you invite me?"

"Why did you accept modeling for me?!"

"Why are so obsessed with Dazai-san?!" Atsushi exclaimed, and the moment the words left his mouth, he immediately regrets them. Akutagawa had opened his eyes wide, but he had stayed quiet. Atsushi breathed heavily. He would not apologize, not yet, at least, not until he had his answers.

"Akutagawa..." he called, his voice significantly softer, Akutagawa stared at him, his eyes cold and deprived from any kind of reaction. Atsushi swallowed saliva. "Who is Ophelia... What does she have to do with anything? What happened?"

For a second, he thought Akutagawa wouldn't answer, as he just stayed quiet while avoiding Atsushi's gaze, but then, thanks to either their relationship evolving, the mood that had been set, or the alcohol his his system, he started talking:

"Dazai-san... well, he is just amazing, isn't he?" Akutagawa muttered, not looking at Atsushi in the eye. "He has outstanding grades, he is incredibly attractive, and he is the best at everything he tries..."

Atsushi didn't say anything, he was worried that if he did, Akutagawa wouldn't talk anymore, so instead, he leaned into the table and bit the inside of his mouth. Akutagawa sighed.

"High school was... difficult, to say the least. Both of my parents died, and Gin and I struggled for a while... Or at least, that was until Dazai-san came along." Akutagawa paused for a moment, and Atsushi wondered if he was looking for the right words to say. "Can you imagine how I felt to be saved by someone as amazing as Dazai-san? He would bring us money that we didn't bother asking where he got it from, and he would help us with so many things..."

At this point, Akutagawa was frowning, he leaned into the table and hid his face in his arms.

"How could I be so stupid..." he murmured, more to himself than to Atsushi. He noticed how his voice broke in the middle of the sentence, he decided not to mention it.

Instead, Atsushi placed his hands on top of Akutagawa's back and leaned towards him. He listened to the way Akutagawa's breath stopped for a second, and then, he continued:

"Dazai-san and I started dating when I was 15, he was 17..." Atsushi opened his eyes wide at this, and simply caressed Akutagawa's back, trying to show comfort. "I was thrilled, thinking that someone as amazing as him would pay attention to me."

He hit the have table, and Atsushi threw a glare at the clock on the wall. It was late, and most of the people around were either going home, or passed out on the floor.

"He... He wasn't great, I know, I knew back then but... But I couldn't bring myself to hate him, I still can't, he has helped me so much..." Akutagawa spoke. "He recommended Hamlet to me, and told me that I was his Ophelia... I didn't know what it meant, even when it was obvious, stupid, is it not?"

"It’s not stupid..." Atsushi muttered, and if Akutagawa had heard him, he didn't say anything.

"Then, I started college, and I decided my whole career path just to be with Dazai-san, I wanted to have the same classes as him, I wanted to be with him... But then, he was just... gone." Akutagawa said, not raising his head. "He was gone for a few months, and when he came back, he had... changed. He broke up with me, and told me he was sorry, and that he would try to be better... I couldn't believe it."

Atsushi didn't know what to say, he was never good comforting other people, and for some reason, he was convinced that Akutagawa wasn't telling him this to make Atsushi feel sorry for him, so, as much as he wanted to comfort him, and say it wasn't his fault, Atsushi only bit his tongue, and swallowed his words.

"I could barely understand what he said, saying something about how someone had changed his life, but... but he just abandoned me...! I would've been fine with how things were, as long as I was with him... heh, it's so stupid..." He muttered to himself. Akutagawa sighed loudly and Atsushi stared quietly at him. "I changed majors, and eventually Dazai-san started dating that Kunikida guy... he suddenly forgot about me, and I... shit, this is ridiculous" Akutagawa's voice was barely audible at this point. "Hey, Nakajima... will you remember this conversation tomorrow...?"

Atsushi took a while to answer. "Probably, I've sobered up..." Akutagawa sighed.

"Well, shit, I'm sorry," he murmured, Atsushi breathed against his back.

"Is alright, I'm sorry I shouted at you before." He said, Akutagawa couldn't help but to chuckle lightly.

"That's what you are sorry about?" He asked, Atsushi chuckled back, their voices suddenly getting softer. "Thanks, for dealing with me, and listen to me. I never... I had never said this before our loud, I feel weirdly better."

"Good." Atsushi said, Akutagawa leaned back and Atsushi pulled back. He smiled lightly. "What did Gin tell you earlier today?"

"To not use you... But it turns out I did exactly that..." Akutagawa murmured, Atsushi opened his eyes wide while the scene replayed in his head.

"Dazai-san thinks we're together now...! Oh, he will tell everyone...! I need to explain this mess to Tanizaki, but what are we going to do if—?!"

"Relax, Nakajima, I'll explain to Dazai-san tomorrow," Akutagawa explained. "I'll say something about being drunk or something..."

"Oh... I see..." was everything Atsushi could say. They both stayed quiet and Atsushi looked at him from the corner of his eye, wondering what he was thinking, he swallowed saliva. "Do you like me...?"

"...what?"

"A-As a friend, of course!" Atsushi exclaimed, blushing of embarrassment. "Are... are we friends...?"

Akutagawa's eyes opened wide, and he smiled softly, Atsushi stared at Akutagawa's smile with his mouth wide open. It was beautiful... "Yeah, I'd say we're friends..." Akutagawa answered. Atsushi smiled and nodded to himself.

Most of the people were gone, and Chuuya and the rest were nowhere to be seen. Atsushi smiled softly, and hummed a song, Akutagawa stayed quiet, and rested his head on his arms, staring straight ahead. They both stayed quiet, after all, their conversation was as good as dead, and they didn't want to make it even more awkward by trying to revive it. Atsushi pushed the alcohol bottle away. He wouldn't be drinking again for a while. Akutagawa smiled softly at Atsushi's expression, and then turned his gaze away, resting his head on his hands.

Atsushi wasn't sure how much time they spend, simply enjoying each other's company, and by the time Atsushi and Akutagawa walked out the door, their surrounded were completely empty. They walked in silence, and Atsushi couldn't help but to think he didn't deserve to know about Akutagawa, and what he thought, or what he had been through. He pushed that thought to the corner of his mind, and placed both hands on his pockets.

"You look nice." Akutagawa muttered, Atsushi turned his head and noticed how Akutagawa was avoiding his gaze by looking in the opposite direction.

"Huh?" Atsushi asked, thinking he had heard wrong.

"I... I never got the chance to say it... T-The makeup, it... it looks nice, you look... attractive." Akutagawa ended, Atsushi opened his mouth, and raised a hand to touch his face, he felt his cheeks blush and he unconsciously smiled.

"I... Thanks, it was mostly thanks to your sister..." he said, Akutagawa nodded.

"Still... I like it..." He spoke, Atsushi laughed softly, his face burning of embarrassment.

"Oh... thanks..." He muttered quietly, and Akutagawa didn't reply. Atsushi wondered if he had even heard him.

The both stepped on the elevator, and it stopped on Akutagawa's floor a few moments later. Akutagawa bowed his head lightly and took a step forward, but stopped himself before he could step out of the elevator. "Is everything alright?" Atsushi asked, Akutagawa opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, like trying to find the words to say, Atsushi waited patiently.

"You... I want to know about your past as well..." Akutagawa ended up saying, avoiding Atsushi's gaze. Atsushi jumped slightly in place.

"I..."

"You are scared, I can see that, but I know your reactions are not normal and— I mean... I'm... I'm not stupid, I can guess but—" he stopped himself, he breathed heavily. "I want you to tell me... because we are..." another pause, he closed his eyes. "Friends."

Atsushi stayed quiet, and without thinking he hugged himself, he forced a smile. "...okay, I'll try." he said, Akutagawa looked at him, and bowed his head, then left the elevator without saying anything, and not even tuning his head back.

The elevator closed its doors and Atsushi looked at his reflection in the closed doors, his makeup had been smudged, and he was starting to get a little sick, and even a little dizzy. The rest of his way to his room was uneventful, and he immediately collapsed in his bed. He closed his eyes, and his earlier conversation with Akutagawa started repeating in his head. Atsushi hugged a pillow closer to him, and hugged it tightly.

For some reason, he felt his eyes water, and he hid his face on his pillow, and bit his lip. There could be many reasons for his tears, but Atsushi knew immediately why he was crying, and the guilt only made him cry harder.

He wasn't crying of sympathy for Akutagawa, or even because he had mention Atsushi's past trauma.

Atsushi was crying because Akutagawa loved Dazai...

He dug his nails into his own arm, and he realize how he couldn't stop soft sobs from coming out of his mouth.

How stupid, Atsushi Nakajima, he thought to himself, digging his nails even harder into his arm, and if its blood started spurting from the places he dug his nails, Atsushi didn't notice.

How utterly stupid...

Chapter Text

"Here's your order." Atsushi spoke while giving Akutagawa a forced smile, that was not reciprocated.

Atsushi had injured himself during the night with his nails, and his—just cured—arms were covered in bandages again. When he entered, Tanizaki immediately started bombarding him with questions, but Atsushi avoided them by laughing nervously or changing topics. But it didn't seemed Akutagawa was going to be distracted too easily.

Atsushi noticed how Akutagawa stared at his arms for a few seconds, and feigned ignorance, simply stretching his arm and offering his coffee. Plus. Akutagawa wouldn't even ask about them, is not something you ask a stranger—

"What happened now?" Atsushi was proved wrong by Akutagawa's question. He coughed lightly by the surprised and he sighed. Right, they were friends now... officially. And friends do ask each other things.

Not that he minded it just seemed... oddly convenient for Akutagawa.

"Nothing, everything is alright." He lied, Akutagawa frowned, not convinced.

"I don't believe you." He said, Atsushi opened his mouth to reply, but didn't know how to answer.

Is not like he could go and say: 'Yeah, I was lying.'  As if! He simply closed his mouth and avoided Akutagawa's gaze, who scoffed lightly and took his coffee from Atsushi's hands without saying anything else. Atsushi grunted lightly.

"Everything alright?" Tanizaki asked while popping out of the restroom, Atsushi nodded.

"Yeah, everything is perfect." He said, Tanizaki stared at him for a few seconds and sighed, not pushing it. Atsushi thanked him silently for it.

The rest of their shift was pretty much uneventful, but Akutagawa had still not left. He was sitting in one of the tables with a drawing tablet on his hands, the empty mug by his side.

"Go offer him something, he has been here for a few hours now, maybe he'd want something." Tanizaki said while cleaning the counter. Atsushi jumped in place and tried to think of an excuse, but he was un capable of thinking of one, so he simply sighed and walked to Akutagawa.

"Hey, would you like something?" He asked. Well done, you went casual, Atsushi congratulated himself in his mind. "You've been here for a while now..."

Akutagawa stared at him for a few seconds, but then returned his eyes to whatever project he was working on. "No, I'm just waiting for someone." He said, Atsushi opened his mouth to say that whoever he was waiting for, would probably not show up consider how much he had already waited, but he decided to keep quiet.

"Okay." Was all he said. He went back to his place behind the counter and Tanizaki looked at him with a puzzled look on his face.

"W-What wrong?" Atsushi asked nervously, Tanizaki's eyes wandered from him, to Akutagawa, and then back to him.

"When did you guys started being friends?" He spoke after a while. "A few days ago, you talked like acquaintances, at most! But today... I don't know, you seem more... relaxed...?" Tanizaki continued, Atsushi hummed lightly and his gaze wandered to Akutagawa.

"We spend the night together..." he said, Tanizaki jumped in place and Atsushi opened his eyes wide when he realized what he said; his cheeks blushed strongly. "I-I mean—!" He started a little louder than he should, he coughed lightly.

Tanizaki was still staring at him with his eyes and moth wide open while clearly waiting for an explanation. Atsushi breathed, and hit his cheeks a couple of times, trying to calm himself.

"I mean," he repeated, less loud this time. "We went to a party together yesterday, during the night. We spend the party together. During the night." Atsushi said, his cheeks still colored a light pink color. Tanizaki stared at him for a few seconds, before laughing lightly and placing a hand on top of his face.

"Oh, Jesus Christ! I was worried there, for a second." He spoke. Atsushi chuckled nervously, and thankfully he was saved by a costumer that entered the shop, who distracted Tanizaki from asking any more questions. The rest of his shift went by pretty quickly, and after what seemed only a few minutes, Atsushi took off his apron and gave it to Yosano—another employee—with a smile.

He took his things and walked out of behind the counter. He was walking to the door, when he was stopped by Akutagawa, who stayed all the way to the end of his shift. "Hey, are you done?" Akutagawa asked, tapping on his shoulder; Atsushi raised an eyebrow and nodded.

"Yeah...?" He answered, confused. "Do you need anything?"

"Yes, come with me." Akutagawa said taking his wrist, he started walking while Atsushi stumbled behind him.

"Uh, I... I h-have class..." Atsushi muttered, but it seemed like Akutagawa's didn't listen, because he kept walking.

"It was a while, I didn't know your shift was so long." Akutagawa said, Atsushi raised an eyebrow.

"Huh?" He asked, confused.

"Well, I was waiting for you to finish, but I didn't expect you to take so long." He answered, Atsushi opened his eyes.

Oh, so he was the someone Akutagawa was waiting for. He felt his cheeks blush and he pushed some thoughts to the bottom of his head. Atsushi coughed lightly "Why were you waiting for me...?" Atsushi asked. Akutagawa didn't answer immediately, and kept walking.

Atsushi didn't know where they were heading, but Akutagawa didn't seem to even hesitate to which turn to take, and eventually, less buildings and more trees were around them.

"Because..." Akutagawa muttered after a few moments, his eyes lowering to see Atsushi's arms for a few seconds, and he frowned. "Because I wanted to know about what happened to you." He replied. Atsushi stopped slowly in place, and Akutagawa turned around.

"...w-what?" He asked, Akutagawa avoided his gaze.

"I... Well, I told you about me—I was maybe a little drunk, but...—and... And I want to know what happened to you. From the start..." Akutagawa answered, his voice getting softer and softer with every passing second. "...Can I?"

Atsushi lowered his gaze and stared at his arms, covered in bandages, and he thought of the skin underneath. He frowned, more to himself than to Akutagawa. He stayed quiet, and Akutagawa simply stared at him.

"Here, just—" Akutagawa took Atsushi's hand and turned around, he coughed lightly. "Follow me, okay?"

He started walking slowly, and before Atsushi knew what he was doing, he was following right besides Akutagawa. He knew that if he wanted to, he could turn around, and say something around the lines of 'I have class', and Akutagawa would leave him alone, but...

But maybe he didn't want to go away, because he didn't even try to, not even when they had walked at least a mile away, and they had reached what seemed like a small park, or when they sat under the shadow of a tree.

And then... silence.

Atsushi almost expected Akutagawa to start questioning him immediately, or for him to force him to tell him everything, but he didn't. He simply sat next to Atsushi and closed his eyes.

Atsushi knew Akutagawa wasn't forcing him to say anything, and he knew that Akutagawa wouldn't insist on knowing everything, but if Atsushi wanted to share something, Akutagawa would be there, to listen.

Minutes passed, in which Atsushi debated whether he should talk, or simply stay quiet, a million thoughts ran through their mind, and he didn't understand a single one of them

Would he hate me if—?

My arm hurts—

Am I not enough—?

I lov—

Maybe it was because his leg had started bouncing with slight anxiety, or maybe because he had started breathing loudly, but the next thing he knew, Akutagawa had slowly reached for his hand, and softly grabbed it, squeezing it lightly.

He turned his head slowly, but Akutagawa was facing the front, without even acknowledging Atsushi's existence. He sighed, and squeezed Akutagawa's hand back to him; he took a deep breath, and closing his eyes, he murmured:

"I... I was born on an orphanage," Atsushi spoke, softer than usual. "Things weren't... nice, to say the least; the director..." he laughed bitterly, and tried to focus on the warmth on his hand, and not the knot on his throat. "He is the reason why I'm used to getting burn, and... and other things..."

The sun was setting, and Atsushi wondered how much time had actually gone by since they left the cafe, it only felt like a few minutes, but it had to be at least a few hours. He bit his lip, and kept going.

"You don't deserve to be cared of," Atsushi quote, his voice barely audible, his eyes started filling up with tears, but he swallowed saliva, while refusing to let them out. "That's one of the first things that was engraved in my mind. I think... he is right, maybe, a little bit."

"No." Akutagawa interrupts firmly almost immediately, Atsushi is drawn back by this, and gasps softly. Akutagawa coughs lightly. "I-I mean, he is wrong."

"Oh..." is everything Atsushi replies. He looks down at his arms for a few seconds, staring at them for a few seconds. He presses his lips together.

"My arms... I accidentally hurt them, I didn't even realize—" Atsushi stops himself and sighed. He won't talk anymore, he decides, Akutagawa doesn't deserve to be burden down by his issues. 

Akutagawa stayed quiet for a few seconds, in which Atsushi felt like crying.

"Did you do it yourself...?" Akutagawa asked slowly, almost in a whisper. Atsushi bites the inside of his mouth, and, an answer, he slowly leaned towards Akutagawa, feeling his body rest against his. And for some kind of divine luck, Akutagawa doesn't push him away, and doesn't question him further.

"I don't know why is it so easy to talk to you..." Atsushi mutters, Akutagawa doesn't answer, and he doesn't need to.

Then, again, silence falls in them, this time, with a calm air around them. No one was around them, and Atsushi wondered how had Akutagawa found this place. It was relaxing. Atsushi would've fallen asleep if it wasn't for Akutagawa shaking his shoulder lightly.

"Hm...?"

"Is late." He said, Atsushi looked up and noticed how the moon was already up.

Okay, maybe he had fallen asleep.

He blushed lightly and nodded. He stood up and looked up to the moon, he smiled softly. "Thanks..." he thanked. Akutagawa looked at him for a few seconds, and his lips curved into a soft smile, and Atsushi simply jumped lightly.

"We are friends, after all..." Akutagawa said, Atsushi stared at him, and forced a smile.

"Yeah, friends..." he said, and hugged his legs closer to his chest, hiding his face. "Hey, Akutagawa..."

"Yeah...?"

"Do you love Dazai-san?" Atsushi asked. Akutagawa jumped slightly and didn't answer for a few seconds, Atsushi laughed bitterly. "Sorry, shouldn't have asked that."

Akutagawa pursed his lips into a thin line, and Atsushi only mentally slapped himself. "I don't know..." Akutagawa muttered after a few moments. "I thought I did... But... I don't think— I mean... I... I don't know anymore..."

Atsushi opened his eyes wide at Akutagawa's answer, and he sunk his face farther into his arms. "Oh..." he muttered. Atsushi sniffs lightly and silently rubs his eye. Akutagawa and Atsushi stood up, and slowly, they stared walking back, in silence. Atsushi might be a selfish bastard, and someone that doesn't think of other's feelings or sentiments, but at the same time, when he silently grabs Akutagawa's hand, and he decides to squeeze it back, Atsushi can't bring himself to care.

Because for some reason, everything seems right.

Chapter Text

"At-su-shi-kun~!" A well-known voice creep from behind. Atsushi jumps slightly and turns his head a little scared, he forced a smile.

"Y-Yes, Dazai-san...?"

"Look...!" The man exclaimed. He pulled some papers out of his bag and smiled. Atsushi smiled awkwardly and threw a 'save me' glance to Tanizaki, who only whistled lightly and ignored him. Coward.

Atsushi returned his head to Dazai who almost shoved the papers on his face. He took them, reluctant. Dazai still had that mischievous smirk on his face.

His eyes widened slightly when he started reading them, and he heard Dazai huff with pride on the background. "This is... wow..."

"I know! Ain't I amazing...?!" Dazai asked. Atsushi, despite himself, nodded.

"I always knew you had good grades... but to think you'd get a perfect score in every subject..." Atsushi muttered, Dazai nodded, excitedly.

"I won't be expelled now!" Dazai laughed. "Oh, you should've seen my teacher's faces, absolutely priceless!"

Dazai rapidly started talking about how he had even been accused of cheating, and had completely embarrassed his teachers by proving them wrong. Atsushi thought he looked oddly proud for someone who just destroyed some old people egos, but he couldn't say he exactly care.

Atsushi lowered his gaze and started cleaning the counter. Almost no costumers had come by in the whole day, and Dazai just happened to drop by when they were completely empty of people. Atsushi didn't have an excuse to escape him, so he simply kept nodding or laughing slightly while Dazai kept rambling.

"...and I totally destroyed them, even the counselor—who hates me—congratulated me, can you believe it, Atsushi-kun?" Dazai continued. Atsushi didn't even have time to answer, because Dazai continued: "You won't need to take the mid-morning shift anymore, now that I'm free." He spoke.

Atsushi froze in place for a few seconds, and skipped again. "W-What are you saying, Dazai-san?" He asked with a smile on his face. "You're not taking in back, are you?"

"Well, there's no reason to keep them the way they are, is there?" He spoke. Atsushi opened his mouth, but couldn't find the words to answer. Dazai laughed out loud, convinced he was correct. Which, he technically was.

"Oh... Is there a reason you want to keep this shift...?" Dazai questioned with an eyebrow raised. Atsushi knew what he was expecting to hear. That bastard. "Now, if you just tell me, then I might—"

"T-There's no reason...!" Atsushi interrupted, Dazai smirked.

"Are you sure, because... Oh, look!" He interrupted himself and turned his head to face the door. "It seems the reason is here!"

Atsushi looked to where Dazai was glancing and saw Akutagawa walking inside the building. He jumped in place and felt his cheeks blush slightly. Why did Dazai had to come right now...?

Oh, wait...

Dazai is here...

Atsushi opened his eyes wide and he moved his gaze from Dazai's smile to Akutagawa, who had his eyes locked on his phone. He swallowed saliva.

"Wow, isn't it Akutagawa-kun!" Dazai exclaimed. Atsushi noticed how Akutagawa's shoulders immediately tensed and he stopped in place, raising his head slowly.

He forced a smile when he noticed Dazai, and walked slowly to them. "Dazai-san, what are you doing here?" Akutagawa asked. Atsushi tried to connect their gazes but Akutagawa's eyes were fixated on Dazai, who kept on smiling.

"Oh, nothing, I just wanted to see how my favorite couple is doing today!" He spoke. Atsushi and Akutagawa froze in place. Right...

Atsushi felt Tanizaki's eyes on his back—Oh, he had so much explaining to do—and felt his face grow hotter, Akutagawa's ears had turned a light crimson color, and he coughed lightly into his hand.

"A-Actually, Dazai-san..." Akutagawa started, Dazai opened his eyes and curved his lips into a smirk, and stared intensely at Akutagawa.

"Yes, Akutagawa-kun?"

"We are, uh..."

"Oh, but first, please do me the pleasure of looking at this!" He exclaimed, taking the report card away from Atsushi's hands and giving it to Akutagawa, who still seemed paralyze. "Can you believe I had a perfect score?" He asked dramatically, but Akutagawa didn't answer. Dazai buffed lightly to the lack of response, and he stretched his arms back. "I feel great."

"Dazai-san..." Akutagawa called silently. Dazai snatched the paper back from his hands and smiled.

"Yeah?"

"I— uh..."

Atsushi noticed how Akutagawa's voice was starting to sound lower, and how his hands started trembling slightly. He opened his mouth to talk for him, but was interrupted when someone walked inside the cafe.

"Oh, well, I guess I better get going, I need to tell Kunikida-kun about my perfect report card." Dazai talked, Atsushi forced a smile.

"You haven't told him yet?" Atsushi asked, surprised.

"Not enough times~!" Dazai laughed loudly and winked at him, then, he turned on his heels and walked outside the door, throwing a smile to the lady that had just entered the place.

Akutagawa blinked a couple of seconds, and grunted loudly while hiding his face in between his fingers. Atsushi leaned closer from across the counter and tapped his shoulder.

"Hey, are you alright?" He asked softly, Akutagawa raised his head and stared at Atsushi for a few seconds. He nodded lightly and tried to recompose himself. He coughed lightly.

"Yeah. I'm just—" He interrupted himself. "I'm sorry."

Atsushi raised an eyebrow and stared at him for few seconds, confused. Akutagawa pursed his lips.

"I told you I would tell the truth to Dazai-san... a-and I haven't... yet, but I will." Akutagawa assured, putting his fists on the counter and staring at Atsushi like he was begging for forgiveness. Atsushi stared back at him for a few seconds and sighed.

"Can you stay until the end of my shift?" Atsushi is all he said, Akutagawa jumped slightly, and after opening and closing his mouth a couple of times without answering, he simply nodded. "Good," he turned his head and grabbed a cup of black coffee. He returned his focus to Akutagawa and smiled. "Here's your order."

Akutagawa took the cup that was offered with a confused look on his face, but he ended up sitting down on a chair next to the window. The lady that had entered a few seconds ago had ordered as well. A few people had entered the cafe, and Atsushi and Tanizaki had to take orders for a few minutes, but at the end, they were left alone behind the counter.

Tanizaki sighed, and immediately threw a glance at Atsushi with crossed arms and his eyebrow raised. Atsushi laughed nervously.

"Okay, Tanizaki-san, is not—"

Tanizaki pulled him closer and whispered to him: "what the hell was that?" He asked. Atsushi laughed lightly.

"It's not what you think. Is a lie." Atsushi explained, Tanizaki stared at him with a confused look on his face. "We're not actually dating, that's a lie." He explained.

"You are lying to Dazai-san? Am I supposed to believe that he falls for it?" He said, Atsushi scratched the back of his neck.

"To be fair, he was quite drunk when we told him."

"Why would—" he interrupted himself. Tanizaki touched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "It doesn't even matter, so Akutagawa and you... are nothing?"

Atsushi opened his mouth slightly and looked down, he played with his fingers slightly. "I..." he started, but sighed. "Yeah, I guess so."

Tanizaki stared at him for a few seconds, and placed a hand on top of his shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm not sure of what happened, but it doesn't seem like is perfect... Are you okay?" Tanizaki asked. Atsushi opened his eyes wide and stared dumbfounded at Tanizaki for a few seconds.

"I... I am." Atsushi spoke, trying to sound as convinced as possible.

"Try not to get hurt, because... Well, this just seems like a mess," Tanizaki continued. He gave him a soft smile and pulled back. "For now, I think you should leave early."

"Huh?"

"Well, there's not much to do anyway, and we both know that this job is easy enough for only one person to take care of it." Tanizaki explained, Atsushi opened his mouth to argue, but Tanizaki stopped him. "Plus, if you leave now, you won't be missing class later. Don't argue, just pay me with telling me everything later, okay?"

"But..."

"No, just go. You need to talk to him," Tanizaki told him, his voice suddenly getting more serious. Atsushi swallowed saliva. "You need to ask him clearly what are his intentions with you..."

Atsushi jumped lightly at his words and felt his cheeks burn with a crimson color, but Tanizaki either didn't notice or decided to ignore his embarrassment, because he continued: "He can't... keep doing this to you..."

"H-He isn't doing any—"

"He isn't doing anything intentionally..." Tanizaki interrupted him. Atsushi didn't know how to answer, so he simply bit his lip.

Tanizaki stared at him for a few seconds, and sighed. He pulled Atsushi closer for a comforting hug, and Atsushi hugged him tightly.

"Be careful, I don't want you to get hurt, alright...?" Tanizaki said softly, Atsushi jumped slightly at his words and he nodded. How did Tanizaki managed to be so incredible and nice was beyond him, so he simply stayed quiet while Tanizaki continued: "Now go, and tell me everything's afterwards~"

Atsushi gave him a small smile and nodded. "Thanks, Tanizaki-san, really."

Tanizaki basically ripped the apron from Atsushi and pushed him. Atsushi threw him a glare and Tanizaki only gave him a thumbs up, he laughed lightly.

Atsushi turned around and started walking to Akutagawa, surprised to see that his attention was already on Atsushi, and was staring at him with some kind of... frown? He swallowed saliva and gave another step.

"Hey, Akutagawa..." Atsushi called, Akutagawa raised both eyebrows and said nothing. Atsushi didn't know what he was thinking, but he sure as hell knew he wasn't happy. He gripped his hands into fist and pushed himself to not turn back. "I was actually dismissed early."

Akutagawa stared at him for a few seconds and sighed. He nodded lightly and stood up. He started walking before Atsushi had time to say anything else. He threw a glance at Tanizaki who gave him a reassuring smile. Atsushi nodded and followed Akutagawa.

"Can you come to my apartment? I'm pretty sure Kenji-kun is having class right now, so he won't be around..." he said, Akutagawa didn't answer for a few seconds, and Atsushi was scared he might have done something wrong, but Akutagawa nodded a few moments later.

The walk was pretty silent, with the only sound being their shoes walking against the pavement. Atsushi's hand brushed against the back of Akutagawa's, but the later only placed them inside his pockets. Atsushi would be lying if he said that didn't hurt.

Atsushi exhaled and thought that the fact that Akutagawa was following him was enough, but couldn't help but to feel disappointed and... somewhat hurt by his lack of reaction.

Atsushi's room was empty, and he asked Akutagawa if he wanted anything to eat, or drink, and he was declined. Akutagawa sat on the border of Atsushi's bed while he sat on the chair of his desk. Atsushi swallowed saliva.

"Can I ask you something?" Akutagawa questioned before Atsushi had even time to organize his thoughts. He nodded, confused, and noticed how Akutagawa took a deep breath, before saying: "Are you dating him?" He asked.

Atsushi stayed quiet for a moment, trying to process what he had just heard. He raised an eyebrow and tiled his head. "Huh?" was his only answer. Akutagawa coughed lightly, and continued:

"Well, you two seem very close, and—"

"Wait, wait, him?" Atsushi asked. "Who even is him?"

Akutagawa opened his eyes wide and avoiding his gaze, he muttered something Atsushi couldn't understand.

"What?"

"Your co-worker. The redhead that wears hair pins." He repeated, louder this time. Atsushi stared at Akutagawa in disbelief.

Was he absolutely crazy, or did Akutagawa seem somewhat... jealous? He had to be losing his mind, because there was just no way—

"So...?" Akutagawa questioned. Atsushi realized he hadn't given him an answer yet, and he shook he head.

"Uh, no, we're not dating..." Atsushi said, Akutagawa's body immediately relaxed and he placed a hand on top of his mouth, and if Atsushi didn't know better, he would say he was trying to hide a smile. “Why do you ask?" Atsushi asked.

Akutagawa stayed quiet for a few seconds and then, closing his eyes, he said: "It would make more difficult to explain to Dazai-san if you were actually dating someone..." is all he provided for an answer. Atsushi muttered a small 'oh', and looked outside the window.

Yeah, that made more sense, He thought to himself, of course he wasn't jealous...

Akutagawa coughed lightly to call for his attention, and Atsushi turned his head back to him. "You called me here because you wanted to talk to me...?"

"O-Oh, y-yeah... I did..." Atsushi replied softly. Akutagawa waited quietly for Atsushi to continue, and he took a deep breath, trying to give himself courage. And before he could regret it, he spoke in a low, quiet voice: "W-What... What are you trying to do...?"

Akutagawa jumped lightly and stared at Atsushi with his eyes wide. Atsushi lowered his gaze and stared at the floor.

"I-I mean," He continued, Atsushi realized his voice was getting lower with every second, but couldn't bring himself to talk louder. "I-Is it, really necessary to bring me into this mess...?" He ended, Akutagawa didn't answer for a few moments, and Atsushi slowly raised his gaze, he opened his eyes wide.

Akutagawa was never an expressive man, but he was looking at Atsushi with his eyes and his mouth opened wide open, he looked... surprised by Atsushi's words. Atsushi stared at him for a few seconds, without saying anything, and Akutagawa seemed to react a moment later. He coughed and threw his head back.

"Of course..." He muttered, Atsushi raised his hand and tried to touch his shoulder, but Akutagawa stood up. "I... I should go..." he said while turning around.

"Wait, no, why are you leaving?" Atsushi asked, He stood up and tried to grab Akutagawa's hand, but he only pulled his arm back.

"I shouldn't have said anything. Forget everything." Akutagawa spoke. Atsushi shook his head. What happened? everything was going to fast around him, and he couldn't keep up with the situation. Akutagawa grabbed the door handle, but Atsushi got closer to him and grabbed the end of his jacket. Akutagawa turned his head and stared at him for a few seconds. 

Atsushi was drawn back by Akutagawa's expression, he just looked... hurt. But he didn't let go of the fabric, and Akutagawa didn’t walk away. They both simply stared at each other for a few seconds, Atsushi trying to read Akutagawa's mind—to no avail—while Akutagawa looked like he wanted to escape.

At the end, Atsushi sighed and took a deep breath. He bit his lip and pulled Akutagawa closer, Akutagawa stumbled and almost falls down, but Atsushi managed to catch him and held him closer, while embracing him. He felt the way Akutagawa tensed under his touch, but he didn't pull away. Akutagawa didn't return the action but Atsushi didn't pull away.

"Why did you try to run away?" Atsushi asked. "I thought we were friends..."

"I... Well, you said it yourself, didn't you?" Akutagawa replied silently. "I didn't want to bring you into this mess that is myself..."

Oh... 

"That's not what I meant." Atsushi was quick to say, he could feel the way Akutagawa jumped slightly under his touch, but he decided not to mention it. "You know that's not what I meant..." He spoke quietly.

"That's the problem, Nakajima, I don't know. I'm not... used to this kind of things." He said while pushing Atsushi away. "I am sorry for messing with you. Truly." He spoke biting his lip.

Akutagawa gave Atsushi one last look, and before Atsushi could call his name, he was out of the room.

Chapter Text

Atsushi could barely pay attention to any of his classes, his mind completely distracted by his last conversation with Akutagawa.

He was walking in the hallway on his way home, trying to put all of his thoughts in order without paying much attention to his surroundings, when he accidentally crashed into someone. "Ouch..." he muttered, he raised his gaze, and extended a hand to help the person. "I'm sorr— Oh, Gin-chan?"

"Nakajima-san..." Gin muttered, surprised to see him. Atsushi stood up and quickly helped Gin. She took his hand quietly and fixed her dress.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying much attention..." he spoke while laughing nervously. Gin nodded lightly and stared straight to him. Atsushi didn't know why, but even though Gin looked and was a sweet girl, he had the impression that she was very capable of destroying him.

(He wasn't sure if he means that in a literal way, for his own sake, Atsushi will pretend he doesn't)

"I-Is everything alright...?" Atsushi asked quietly. Gin didn't answer immediately, and Atsushi only swallowed saliva, nervous. At the end, she sighed and touched his shoulders, staring at him firmly. Atsushi totally wasn't scared of her.

"Something happened, right?" She asked. Atsushi didn't know what she meant, so he simply stayed quiet. "Between you and my brother, I mean." She specified. Atsushi opened both of his eyes wide and opened and closed his mouth a couple of seconds, without saying anything. Gin bit her lips. "Yeah, that settles it, I will kick my brother's ass."

Gin let go of his shoulders and turned around, determined to (in her words) "beat her brother's ass." Atsushi blinked a couple of times, and then called after her.

"H-Hey, w-wait!" Atsushi called. Gin stopped for a few moments and turned her head slightly. Atsushi swallowed. "D-Don't worry, is nothing serious... I-I'm sure we'll manage to be friends again...!"

Gin stared at him with narrowed eyes, she laughed sarcastically. "Nothing serious, you say?" She repeated. Atsushi nodded lightly. "I haven't seen my brother in the last few days, nor have I received a text from him... He is locking himself from others... again."

Gin spoke, her fists were trembling by her side, and Atsushi only swallowed saliva. She looked extremely worried, Atsushi, not knowing what to say, only stared at the floor, listening to her words.

"My brother is naïve. He might think of himself as mature and capable, but when there's as much as an issue, he crumbles... and he won't let me help him," she spoke, her voice getting softer and softer with every passing second. Gin slowly lowered her gaze, and stared at her shoes while gripping her dress by the sides. "I know is not your fault, because I know my brother. I just... I don't want past situations to repeat themselves..."

Gin raised her hand and scratched her eye, Atsushi stayed frozen for a moment at her words, and took a deep breath. He placed his hands at the sides of Gin's arms and did his best to give her a reassuring smile.

"D-Don't worry...!" He spoke. "I will make sure everything is better, I swear!"

Gin stared at him for a few seconds, she didn't look impressed, but then she cracked a really small smile, and nodded. "Okay, I will trust you in this..." Gin spoke, Atsushi gave her a small thumbs up. "Just, know that if you are lying to me, I will not only kick my brother's ass, but yours as well."

Atsushi tensed in place, and after giving him another soft smile and a reassuring squeeze on his hand, Gin disappeared as quickly as she had come.

Atsushi stayed in place for a few moments, and then felt a shiver run down his spine.

Yeah, she wasn't lying...

Atsushi played with his fingers nervously, he knew he had to do it, but that didn't mean he was any more excited to. He was nervous, extremely nervous, actually, but he couldn't back down, he had to do this.

He took a deep breath, and tried to give himself courage. He slowly raised his hand, and knocked on the door, hearing the small knocking sound. It didn't take long for the door to open, and Atsushi only stared at the man in front of him with a serious expression.

"Dazai-san," he greeted with a small bow. "Can we talk?"

Dazai stared at him for a few seconds, and nodded. He threw a glance behind him and then walked out the room, closing the door behind him. "Atsushi-kun, can't say I expected you today," Dazai said while tilting his head. "Is there anything that I can help you with today...?"

Atsushi nodded lightly and lowered his gaze. Dazai raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms, waiting. Atsushi put his hands together in front of him and stared at his fingers.

"I... C-Can you tell me about you... a-and Akutagawa...?" He asked in a small murmur. He didn't hear any answer from Dazai, but he had visibly tensed after the request. Atsushi swallowed saliva. "P-Please...?"

Atsushi was almost expecting Dazai to turn around and slam the door on his face, or for him to insult him and tell him something around the lines of 'is not your business!' But Dazai simply stayed quiet, thinking. Atsushi raised his head slowly, and connected his gaze with Dazai's, who simply bit his lip. At the end, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Okay..." he muttered. "I will tell you everything, Atsushi-kun, just—" he interrupted himself, and sighed. "Nevermind, it doesn't matter."

Before Atsushi could ask about it, Dazai had already started walking on the opposite direction, and he had to run behind him. Dazai placed both hands on his beige coat, and hid his eyes with his bangs. Atsushi swallowed saliva, he doesn't think he has ever seen Dazai like this.

"What do you know? What did Akutagawa-kun tell you?" Dazai asked, Atsushi jumped in place, and took a deep breath.

"He told me about you two dating on high school, the way you disappeared and... and the money you gave him and his sister..." Atsushi spoke, Dazai laughed bitterly.

"Yeah, that's a short version of what happened, I'd say." He spoke. The two of them walked outside the residence building, and started walking around the university campus, which was mostly empty.

"W-What happened?" Atsushi repeated. 

"What you know, Akutagawa-kun and I were dating while I was in my last year of high school, I was eighteen, and he was sixteen." He spoke. "I left for a while, trying to escape... something, I didn't know what it was, until much later..."

"Oh... something must've taken place during that that time, right?" He asked tilting his head.

Dazai smiled lightly, and stared at the sky. "I fell in love..."

Atsushi jumped in place, but stayed quiet. He threw a glance at Dazai and stopped in place when he saw his expression. Dazai turned his head the moment Atsushi stopped walking behind him, with a soft smile on his face. Atsushi opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but without having any idea of what.

"W-What was their name?" Atsushi asked, Dazai got closer and placed a hand on his head. 

"His name was Oda Sakunosuke..." He spoke with a soft smile. Atsushi didn't recognize the name, and he bit his lip. Dazai turned his head and kept walking. Atsushi ran behind him. "He was everything to me, even if I was a brat when I met him."

Atsushi didn't mention the way Dazai used past verbs.

"Oda-san and you... How did you meet?" He asked instead. Dazai stared at him with wide eyes and chuckled.

"I don't remember, as far as I was aware, I had always known Odasaku." He spoke. Atsushi lowered his gaze and stared at the floor. Dazai stopped walking for a second, and stared at the sky. "He was... He was a criminal."

Atsushi jumped at his words, and abruptly turned his head. Dazai only looked at him with an eyebrow raised, and Atsushi coughed to hide his surprise.

"A... A criminal?" Atsushi stuttered, Dazai nodded.

"Part of the Mafia to be exact." 

"O-Oh...!" Atsushi exclaimed smiling nervously, not knowing how to react.

"He was the one that gave me money, he said he didn't need it, but I wonder if he did, I don't know... But he was... different," He continued, and if he noticed Atsushi surprise, he ignored it. "He was... kind, unlike anything I had seen before. He even adopted five brats."

"H-How old was he?" Atsushi asked, Dazai seemed surprised for a second.

"I don't know, but he was older than I was..." He spoke. "I was working as an apprentice for a doctor, one that treated criminals, and killers. Odasaku's kindness was... something else. I loved him; he was the first person I loved." 

Dazai had stopped walking and he turned his head, avoiding Atsushi's gaze. He wondered what was his expression, but realized he was not the one supposed to see it, so he simply lowered his gaze.

"He was involved in an incident, and he died, all of his brats died as well... I was supposed to treat his wounds. But... I couldn't save him." 

The way the last words were said, Atsushi realized, it was... painful. Dazai was in pain. Atsushi followed slowly and grabbed his arm, hugging it. Dazai jumped lightly at the touch and turned his head to see him, his lips curving into a painful smile when he saw Atsushi hugging his arm. 

"He told me some things... and I realized I was wrong. In so, so many ways." Dazai spoke. "He... changed me, and I tried to change..."

"That's when you broke up with Akutagawa..." Atsushi muttered, Dazai didn't reply anything. "And Akutagawa... He is in love with you..." He said, mostly to himself.

Dazai pushed Atsushi back, and lowered his gaze. Atsushi stared at Dazai with eyes wide open, but Dazai didn't look back at him. Atsushi didn't expect an answer from him, and Dazai didn't gave him one, instead, Dazai continued:

"Do you know why I'm telling you this?" Dazai asked, Atsushi was a little drawn back by the question. He wasn't expecting to be asked anything; he shook his head, a little confused.

"No, I don't. Or at least I'm not sure..."

"Why do you think so?"

"Mainly because I asked...?"

Dazai couldn't help but to chuckle at this. "And you think I would tell this to anybody...?" He asked with an eyebrow raised; Atsushi tilted his head, and bit the inside of his mouth.

"I guess not..."

"I'm telling this because it was you the one that asked." Dazai said with a soft smile. "And... because I know you love him... and you truly do love him... unlike the way I did."

"A-Actually, Dazai-san—" Atsushi stuttered, before being interrupted.

"You two are not actually dating, are you?" Dazai said, Atsushi was surprised for a second, but relaxed not long after. Of course... he thought. This is Dazai-san. Atsushi shook his head, and Dazai placed a hand on his shoulder. "But I still know you love him..."

Atsushi stayed quiet, his face suddenly growing hotter and hotter with every passing second. Dazai chuckled lightly, and squeezed his shoulder softly. 

"Although... you were wrong with something you said earlier..." Dazai continued; Atsushi raised an eyebrow, and stared at him, confused. "Earlier, when you said that Akutagawa-kun loves me... you were wrong."

Atsushi shook his head, with a frown. "I'm pretty sure I'm not wrong, after all—"

"—Akutagawa loved me, he did, in the past. I don't think he does anymore."

"No, no, you're wrong, I'm convinced that—"

"—Atsushi-kun." Dazai interrupted him, his voice dead serious; Atsushi swallowed saliva "Akutagawa-kun loves you..." 

After Dazai said the words, Atsushi shut up immediately. He took a step back, and shook his head. "No, you're wrong."

"I'm not," Dazai said, convinced. Atsushi looked at Dazai, but it didn't matter how much he stared, his face didn't show any hints that it was a joke. "When have I ever been wrong, Atsushi-kun...?"

"B-But..." Atsushi stuttered, not knowing how to continue. He turned his head around, and stared at the residence building behind them, Dazai smiled.

"You're going, aren't you?" He asked. Atsushi bit the inside of his mouth, and before he could think, he had already turned around and was running towards it. "Good luck, Atsushi-kun~!" Dazai cheered from behind.

Atsushi stopped after a few seconds and turned his head around to face him, and Dazai raised an eyebrow. "What didn't you say?"

"Huh?"

"Before," Atsushi explained. "You stopped yourself from saying something, what was it?"

Dazai opened his eyes wide, and stared at Atsushi, surprised by his question. He gave him a soft smile.

"I was going to ask you to not hate me." He said, Atsushi opened his eyes wide. "But then I didn't have the right to, after all, I—"

"—That's ridiculous." Atsushi said frowning. "I would never hate you, Dazai-san."

And leaving those words behind, Atsushi disappeared. Dazai stated frozen in place for a few seconds, before cracking a soft smile.

"Jesus Christ..." he muttered to himself while putting a hand on top of his forehead. "These kids are going to be the death of me... Although, dying like that doesn't sound so bad..."

Dazai laughed lightly, and turning his head, he started walking, humming an old song with every step he gave.

Chapter Text

Atsushi only had to knock once on the door, before it was answered. The same guy he had met at the party, Chuuya Nakahara, answered; he stared at him, with an eyebrow raised.

"Nakajima? Do you need anything?" He asked.

"I-I'm looking for Akutagawa, have you seen him?" He asked. Chuuya shook his head.

"Nah, these last few days he has been only coming at night, probably past midnight. I don't know where he spends the rest of his day. Higuchi says he hasn't been attending class, either. She’s probably even more worried than I am." Chuuya explained. "Tried talking to him, didn't do much. If you find him let him know that I will beat his ass when he returns to normal, 'kay?"

Atsushi placed both hands in front of him and nodded nervously. "I-I will, Chuuya-san..."

And after bowing lightly, he turned around and sighed, defeated. Now what? It was already nighttime, and tomorrow he had work, but he hadn't seen Akutagawa in a few days now, and he really wanted to see him.

Tanizaki asked him about what happened, and he wasn't surprised when Akutagawa didn't show up after Atsushi told him what had happened. He still prepared his order. One black coffee, but there was no one to give it to.

Atsushi sighed and returned to his bedroom, and quietly sat down on his bed, defeated, and sighed. He felt a pair of eyes looking at him in the darkness.

"Atsushi-san..." a whisper called him. He blinked a couple of seconds and tried to force a smile.

"Isn't it past your bedtime, Kenji-kun?" He asked softly. "What are you doing awake?"

"Today I had fun," Kenji said, completely ignoring Atsushi. "Gin introduced me to new people, and I made new friends. The city sure is nice!"

"Oh, really? That's good..."

"Yes, but Gin didn't look very happy, I asked her about it, and she only shook her head, muttering something about her brother..." Kenji continued. "You two are friends, right? Gin's brother and you, I mean."

Atsushi's breath cut for a moment, and he laughed bitterly. "I... I don—" he sighed. "I'd say so."

"Good. Can you talk to him? Gin looked sad..." he muttered, Atsushi smiled softly and nodded.

"I will, I promise. I just... need to find him," Atsushi spoke. "And he has been... hiding from me."

"Oh, you're playing hide and seek? I'm an expert at that game, nobody in my village has ever beaten me!"

"I see..."

"Is easy, you just need to think about the person that is hiding!" Kenji continued with a smile. "For example, Grandma Sakura always hid with the cows, because she loved cows, I also hid with the cows, because I love cows, and little Yamato also hid with the cows, because he loves cows..."

"Does anyone in your village hid in another place?" Atsushi asked, Kenji stopped talking for a second.

"Kita-san hid with the chickens, but that's because she is allergic to cows. But that's beside the point," Kenji said, shrugging his shoulders. "The point is, to find someone, you need to look for them."

Atsushi laughed. "Well, I have."

"But have you looked for them? What does Gin's brother like? Oh, I bet he likes city things! Like... those electronic things!" Kenji said with a tired smile. Atsushi's eyes widened lightly and he thought about it for a second.

"Something that... Akutagawa likes?" He repeated, Kenji nodded cheerfully. "He likes... black coffee... and... books."

Suddenly, a realization hit Atsushi. He stood up immediately and grabbed his coat. Kenji yawned. "You know where he is...?" He said, Atsushi nodded.

"I think so..." He replied, Kenji gave him a tired smile and a thumbs up. Atsushi got closer to him and patted his head. "Thank you, Kenji-kun. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Atsushi-san...!" Kenji exclaimed, and he tucked himself in bed. Atsushi closed the door as quietly as he could, and immediately started running on the halls.

He threw a glance at his wrist watch. It was past midnight, and he had work tomorrow, but that didn't stop him. He placed both hands on his jacket's pockets, trying to warm them from the cold of the night, and walked as fast as he could.

In just a few minutes, he was standing in front of the library building. He looked around, and he entered the building just a few seconds later. The librarian threw him a confused glance, but he didn't say anything. Atsushi walked to the different areas, feeling his breath getting heavier with every second. 

He entered the fiction section, and there was a small moment in which his breath stopped, and he froze in place. He was there.

Akutagawa was sitting down on a desk, bent down while his eyes were focused on whatever he was working on. Atsushi's breath stopped for a second, but Akutagawa didn't seem to hear him, and he kept working, completely concentrated on his computer.

Atsushi walked slowly towards him, line in a trance, without thinking, nor caring for any consequences of his actions. He was right there, so, so close...

Atsushi's steps must've gotten closer, because when he was just a few centimeters away, Akutagawa abruptly turned his head while closing his computer.

Atsushi blinked a couple of times, and Akutagawa opened his eyes wide. For a few seconds, neither of them said anything, simply staring at each other. The tension made Akutagawa's breath heavier, and when Atsushi took another step towards him, he stood up immediately, his chair falling to the floor in the process.

"Akuta—" Atsushi's words were cut off, because Akutagawa had run out the door as fast as he could, even leaving his laptop behind.

Atsushi turned his head, ready to run behind him and chase him, when he threw a glance at the abandoned computer on the table. He sighed, and taking it under his arm, he started running behind him.

The librarian shouted something at him while they ran through the halls, but Atsushi barely paid attention. He looked around desperately, and tried to catch on to any sounds that might reveal Akutagawa's location.

Kenji was right, this is a stupid hide-and-seek game...

After a few ridiculous seconds of him standing and listening, Atsushi finally heard the bell that sounded every time someone walked in or out the door. His head turned immediately and he ran out the door.

However, the outside was silent. He looked both sides, and could not even catch a glimpse of Akutagawa. Which was stupid, because he knew for a fact that Akutagawa wasn't athletic, there was no way he had run away in so little time. Meaning, he had to be close.

And, Atsushi thought, probably listening.

"I... I have your laptop..." he muttered to the air. Atsushi couldn't help but to hug the device closer to his chest. "Today I talked with many people, y'know...? Gin said that she would kick your ass—her words, not mine..."

He forced a laugh, but Atsushi's sure it sounded more like a tired huff. He sat down on the floor, his back against the building, and he raised his gaze to the sky.

"Chuuya-san said almost the same thing, but I'm sure he's just worried," Atsushi continued. For a second, he considered the possibility that Akutagawa had probably left, and he was talking to himself, his voice wandering into the night, with no one to recieved them. Either way, he didn't stop: "And earlier... I met Dazai-san..."

He stopped talking for a few seconds, and took a deep breath. He wasn't sure if he wanted to continue, but at the same time, even if there was only a remote chance that Akutagawa was listening, he had to keep talking.

"He said the craziest things, some, I believe, and others... I'm not sure," Atsushi tapped the floor with his fingers, and closed his eyes. Maybe, if he didn't see, he could pretend that Akutagawa was in front of him; his lips curved into a soft smile. "Would you confirm his theory for me? He said..." His voice broke down, and he choked up. He felt small tears running down his cheeks, and he whispered: "He said you loved me..."

He hugged his knees closer to his chest, and hid his face in between his arms. Atsushi tried to muffle his sobs, and he bit his own arm. Hard.

He tried cleaning the tears of his eyes with his jacket, to no avail, and he looked down. Atsushi laughed, but he was tearing up again. "Stupid. Stupid. You're not worthy." He whispered to himself, quietly. “Hey, Akutagawa, if you’re listening, can you please come out. I’m tired of playing hide-and-seek with you.”

Tiny, and doubtful steps approached him slowly, but Atsushi was too distracted to notice until he felt a hand touching his shoulder.

Atsushi opened his eyes slowly, and was met with gray, teary-eyes. Atsushi's mouth opened slightly, and he let out a small whimper, feeling a lump on his throat, which wasn't allowing him to talk. With him in front of him, 

Akutagawa was kneeling in front of him, his eyes threatening to shed tears, and he swallowed saliva. Akutagawa didn't say anything, and sat down next to him, feeling his warmth by his side. Atsushi could only stare at Akutagawa, who only stared back, quietly.

"I'm sorry." He blurted out. Akutagawa turned his head to face him, and Atsushi bit the inside of his mouth. "About what I said earlier, about not wanting to be with you. I didn't mean it that way, I swear..."

Akutagawa's breath stopped for a second, and looked down. "I... I know," he started, his voice breaking down with every syllable. "The more I thought about it, the more I realized it... but," he stopped for a few seconds, and sighed. "But I couldn't help but to compare you to him...! I... I don't know what to do, I don't want to be left behind... again."

"I won't leave you." Atsushi assured, in a low voice.

"I want to believe it but— I can't bring myself to do it, I want to..." Akutagawa didn’t finish the sentence, his voice was getting lower with every passing second. Atsushi swallowed saliva, and leaned towards Akutagawa's body, resting his head on his shoulder. Akutagawa tensed under his touch, but he didn’t move away. Akutagawa took a deep breath, and said: "Why did you come here...?"

"To find you..." Atsushi answered, hugging himself.

"But why? I didn't want to be found..." Akutagawa murmured.

"Because..." Atsushi started. He felt his face burn with embarrassment, and he wondered if Akutagawa could feel the heat on his shoulder. He gulped. "Because I love you."

He feels the way Akutagawa's jumps in place, and in just a few seconds, he hears muffled sobs, and Atsushi suddenly felt like crying again. Akutagawa mutters a low 'why?' and Atsushi pretends not to notice, instead, he moves his hand and intertwined his pinky with his. Akutagawa closed his eyes tightly, and squeezed his pinky back.

"I love you." Atsushi repeated, embarrassed and with million shades of red painting his cheeks. He wondered what was Akutagawa's expression at the moment, and he turned his head just to have a small look.

Atsushi frowned unconsciously when he saw the way Akutagawa furrowed his eyebrows, and even though he did look a little embarrassed, his expression said something else, almost painful. Atsushi immediately understood that it wasn’t because of him, and worried, he pulled away. He took Akutagawa's face in between his fingers, and forced him to see him. Akutagawa looked defeated, and Atsushi felt a knot on his stomach.

"You can't love me..." Akutagawa whispered, avoiding his gaze. Atsushi frowned. "I don't want to hurt you..."

"So, you're going to run away, and hurt yourself?" Atsushi asked. Akutagawa closed his eyes.

"Maybe..."

Atsushi stared straight at him, and he got closer, headbutting him with his forehead. Akutagawa yelped silently and pushed him away, placing a hand on top of his forehead. Akutagawa threw him a glare but Atsushi only scoffed. They both sat in front of each other for a few seconds, both of them had watery eyes, but neither mention it.

Atsushi crossed his arms. "You can't decide that..." he spoke while staring to the side, Akutagawa furrowed his eyebrows, this time, looking confused.

"Decide what?"

"Who I love, and who I don't." He murmured; Akutagawa pursed his lips. "You don't get to decide that for me..."

"But—"

"I can't help it, I just love you," Atsushi spoke quietly, his face burning hot. He raised his hand and slowly placed it behind Akutagawa's ear. "…I still haven't heard you say it."

"Hm...?"

"I haven't heard you say it," Atsushi repeated. "That you love me, I mean. Do you?”

Akutagawa's jumped slightly and stared at Atsushi with his eyes wide open, the tips of his ears turning a strong crimson color, he coughed lightly into his hand. Akutagawa opened his mouth, and he looked like he was going to say something, but then close it, and lowered his gaze. Tears started falling down his eyes to the pavement, and he gripped his fists.

"I-I can't say it..." he said between sobs. "I'm trying, and I want to, but I can't."

Atsushi opened his mouth and muttered a small 'oh'. He swallowed his own tears back, and pulled Akutagawa closer to him, embracing him while he hid his face on Atsushi's neck. "It's okay, you don't need to say it," Atsushi managed to say after taking a deep breath. Akutagawa looked up and Atsushi tried to give him a comforting smile. "It's okay."

The way Akutagawa's facade finally crumbled was absolutely devastating to watch. His eyes widened and the corners of his lips curved down, just before being letting out something that sounded like a sob. Atsushi's heart sank immediately, and he pulled him closer again, this time, holding him tighter.

"It's okay," Atsushi muttered, while sniffing quietly. "I will be with you, even if you can't say it right now."

Akutagawa only sobbed louder, and that was the moment Atsushi realized it: He might never say it. Akutagawa might never be ready to love someone, and that broke his heart to pieces.

But when he held him closer and felt Akutagawa's hands clenched to his own body, he realized, he didn't mind, or at least, he didn’t mind as much as he should’ve.

Because even if Akutagawa could never love him back, he still did.

Atsushi and Akutagawa walked quietly side by side. It was probably closer to the sunrise when they finally stood up and decided that sleeping on the streets was probably not a good idea.

Their eyes were red and Atsushi could still feel a tight knot on his throat. Akutagawa hugged to his computer closer to his chest, silently. "I'm sorry," Atsushi muttered without facing him. "For putting you in the spot earlier, I..." his words faded off, not knowing how to continue. He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. Truly.” He repeated, looking down.

Akutagawa didn't respond anything, but abruptly stopped walking. Atsushi bit the inside of his mouth, ready to hear whatever insult Akutagawa was going to give him now that they had both calmed down, but was surprised when Akutagawa only looked down at his computer, and spoke: "Can... Can I show you something... please?" He spoke quietly.

Atsushi frowned lightly and raised an eyebrow, confused, but nodded anyway. Akutagawa opened his computer and after a few clicks, he turned it around, and showed Atsushi. Atsushi could feel his eyes widen and his jaw falling down, surprised. His gaze moved from the screen to Akutagawa, and from Akutagawa to the screen. He walked closer, and stared at the picture he was showing him.

"After our fight, I thought I didn't want to have anything to do with you, but—" Akutagawa smiled bitterly, looking down. "I couldn't get you out of my head, it seems."

Atsushi was looking at one of the, now edited, pictures Akutagawa had taken of him while he was helping him with his project. The picture he was looking at showed himself with a delightful smile, and he simply looked like he was happy, having fun while messing around with the props. It didn't look like a professional photo, like the serious ones he had seen on Akutagawa's portfolio, but to see himself so happy, made his heart ache lightly.

" D-Didn't you finish this project a few weeks ago...?" Atsushi stuttered. Akutagawa avoided Atsushi's gaze, and nodded lightly.

Atsushi felt his eyes widen lightly and his cheeks burn hit, the corners of his lips curve unconsciously and formed a small, soft smile. Akutagawa slowly closed the computer and threw a glance to Atsushi, and Atsushi noticed how the tips of Akutagawa’s ears had turned a strong shade of red.

"This.... It wasn't for class. I just... I wanted to see your smile..." Akutagawa muttered. Atsushi jumped slightly and put a hand on top of his mouth, trying to hide his growing smile.

Akutagawa started walking again and Atsushi followed silently behind. Neither of them said anything during the rest of their way. Akutagawa simply staring at his feet while Atsushi looked at the sky.

It wasn't perfect, their relationship was probably the farthest from perfect, but for some reason, Atsushi felt happy. He looked at the stars one last time before entering the residence building, and they both silently entered the elevator.

Akutagawa pressed the button to his floor first, and stood near the door while biting the inside of his mouth. It only took a few seconds for the elevator door to open, and Akutagawa only bowed lightly before stepping out.

Atsushi stared at him for a few seconds, and pressed a button for keeping the door open. "Hey, Akutagawa..." he called. Akutagawa turned slowly and stared at Atsushi with his wary eyes, Atsushi smiled lightly.

"Would you date me?" He asked softly, Akutagawa inhaled loudly while Atsushi only waited. He didn't say anything for a few seconds, but Atsushi waited quietly. He then nodded slowly. Atsushi looked at Akutagawa dearly. "Good, now we aren't lying to Dazai-san."

"We are... partners, then?" Akutagawa asked, his voice sounding surprisingly soft. "Romantic partners?" 

Atsushi jumped lightly, but answered slowly: “I’d say so…” He said, Akutagawa didn't say anything else, and Atsushi swallowed saliva. "Are you okay with it?”

“If you are…” Akutagawa said, Atsushi smiled.

“I am…” he muttered, more to himself than to Akutagawa. Atsushi gave Akutagawa one last smile before the elevator door closed, leaving Akutagawa alone on the dark hallway. He stared down at his hands, and closed them softly.

"I'm sorry, Dazai-san..." he whispered to himself. "It seems like I have fallen for someone else, even if it's just a little..." he said to himself. He threw one last glance at the now closed elevator. "Love, huh...?"

Akutagawa felt his lips curve in a soft smile, and he raised his hand, trying to cup his face on the same Atsushi had done. He closed his eyes, and a single tear rolled down his cheek.

"It's okay, right?" He whispered. "Even for someone like me...?"

Nobody answered his question, but Akutagawa felt somewhat relieved. He tightened the hold of his computer, and smiling softly, he entered his room.

Chapter Text

"Tanizaki-san, hurry up, please!" Atsushi exclaimed with a worried look on his face. Tanizaki fixed his tie and laughed it off.

They both stood in front of a mirror, Tanizaki was playing with his appearance while Atsushi hurried him from behind. Atsushi threw a glance at his reflection and looked away immediately. He would never not be embarrassed about wearing eyeliner, no matter how much time it had passed since he started.

"Relax, Atsushi-kun, why are you so desperate to leave already?" He asked while touching his hair. Atsushi growled lightly.

"Because we're running late!" Atsushi insisted, Tanizaki laughed it off and shook his head.

"As if Dazai-san would be there before us." Tanizaki joked while looking at himself in the mirror, even winking at himself.

"Tanizaki-san, do you remember who Dazai-san is marrying...?" Atsushi asked while crossing his arms, Tanizaki looked at himself one last time, before his smile crumbled and he gasped lightly.

"Shit..." he muttered; his eyes wide. "Kunikida-san is going to kill us.

Atsushi nodded, and before he could realize, Tanizaki was dragging him out the door, Atsushi whined. "Tanizaki-san, wait, you'll rip off my sleeve!"

Tanizaki let him go and laughed nervously while looking at his watch. "We are 5 minutes late to the time Kunikida-san told us... He will never forgive us," He exclaimed. Atsushi stuck out his tongue in a childish way.

"And who's fault is that?!" Atsushi asked. Tanizaki didn't answer the question. It had been a few years, and things seemed to go well. Atsushi and Tanizaki were Juniors, and they had saved up money to move together to an apartment nearby. Pretty small, but enough for both of them so they can even invite their friends over. 

At first, they had been a little doubtful about moving together, but when both Akutagawa—Atsushi's partner—and Naomi—Tanizaki's... sister? Atsushi never understood their relationship, and he was happy in his ignorance—agreed with their decision without much trouble, they had quickly made plans.

They both took a taxi and they finally reached the ceremony, just a few minutes before it started, and they were met with Kunikida's angry frown at the doorstep, he was wearing a white suit with a red tie. "You are exactly 15 minutes and 23 seconds late." He stated while crossing his arms; Tanizaki and Atsushi smiled nervously. "How am I supposed to trust you anymore with anything?"

"We're sorry, Kunikida-san, but—"

"Relax, Kunikida-kun~! It's a good day today, let the kids go~!" A voice crept from behind, Kunikida froze and turned his head, and was met with Dazai's smirking face, who only placed his arms around Kunikida's shoulder, who simply sighed. Dazai was wearing a gray suit with a black shirt underneath it, he hummed lightly and rested his weight on Kunikida, who hit him lightly on the head.

"Do not wrinkle your suit, you idiot..." He muttered, Dazai smiled and hugged him tighter, giving the two of them a small wink, which Tanizaki and Atsushi used that as a sign to escape and walked away, ignoring Kunikida's yells from behind them. They laughed softly.

"Oh, look, there's Akutagawa," Tanizaki said while pointing with his chin somewhere up ahead, Atsushi turned his head and noticed Akutagawa standing next to his sister, wearing a dark blue suit with a black tie, Atsushi smiled when he noticed it. "I'll go with Haruno-san over there, I think you should, y'know..."

Tanizaki pushed him lightly, and when Atsushi turned around ready to ask him why he pushed him, Tanizaki had already walked away, and he was left alone standing in the middle of the room. He shook his head lightly and rolled his eyed, before he started walking. Gin noticed almost immediately and nodded lightly at him, she was somehow gone in less than a second, leaving Akutagawa confused.

(As well as Atsushi, who would never understand how she did that)

Atsushi touched his shoulder from behind, and Akutagawa jumped lightly. "Hey." He greeted, Akutagawa turned his head immediately and relaxed when he realized it was only Atsushi, he bowed his head lightly. "I thought you wouldn't come..."

"I wasn't going to. But Dazai-san insisted, and he assured me that glasses was okay with it too." Akutagawa explained, Atsushi raised an eyebrow.

"You've met him many times before, shouldn't you call Kunikida-san by his name?" Atsushi asked, Akutagawa huffed.

"I will never do such thing." He said, Atsushi sighed, of course he wasn't going to, Akutagawa was stubborn as hell.

Atsushi decided to change topics. "Want to sit down somewhere?" He asked, Akutagawa only shrugged, but Atsushi took that as a positive answer, and he pulled Akutagawa to an empty table. "I have exams soon," Atsushi talked with no real intention behind it other than making small talk. "It seems like my teachers don't like me, probably because they saw me hang out with Dazai-san when he was still a student."

"Hm..." Akutagawa hummed lightly.

"Plus, my I've been sitting down next to Lucy lately, and they don't like her much either," Atsushi talked while resting his head on his face. "Oh, I also heard Gin-chan's team won the debate she as studying for, Kenji-kun was worried about her being nervous, but it seems like she did well..." Akutagawa seemed distracted, and didn't answer. Atsushi continued, cringing lightly. "Uh, T-Tachihara was the one that told me about it..."

Atsushi laughed nervously, Akutagawa was staring at him with great concentration, but at the same time, it didn't look like he was paying any attention to his words. He swallowed saliva.

"Why... w-why are you staring at me...?" Atsushi asked with a confused smile. Akutagawa blinked a couple of seconds, like he hadn't realized he had been staring, and then looked away.

"No reason..." he murmured. Atsushi tilted his head, and stretched his arm to grab Akutagawa's hand, he caressed it slowly, and Akutagawa didn't pull it away.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Atsushi asked. "You seem... distracted."

"I'm completely fine." He said closing his eyes. Atsushi turned his head around, and saw that Kunikida was chatting with Dazai, who was smiling from ear to ear. He frowned.

"Oh, I see..." he muttered, mostly to himself. Akutagawa turned his gaze to him with an eyebrow raised.

"Wait, you do?" Akutagawa asked, surprised. Atsushi shrugged.

"I suppose so." He spoke quietly.

Of course, he thought to himself.

He should have known this since the beginning. Even though the two of them have been dating for almost two years now, Atsushi, since the beginning, knew that Akutagawa wouldn't fall in love with him. He knew.

Yet, Atsushi couldn't help but to feel somewhat disappointed, but he couldn't bring himself to blame Akutagawa, after all, he had made it clear long time ago, hadn't he?

'I can't say it'

It was Atsushi himself to brought this situation onto himself. He sighed, and Akutagawa tilted his head lightly. "What are you thinking?" Akutagawa asked, Atsushi shook his head.

"Doesn't matter," He spoke, forcing himself to smile. Akutagawa was about to say something else, when they were interrupted by a voice from behind Atsushi.

"Akutagawa-kun, Atsushi-kun!" Dazai spoke to both of them from behind.

Atsushi jumped lightly and opened his eyes wide; his gaze immediately looked towards Akutagawa, but he seemed relaxed, not even a sign of discomfort. Atsushi tried not to look too surprised.

Dazai walked to their table and sat down on the chair next to Atsushi, with a smile on his face. "How are you doing? I feel like I haven't seen you two in forever! Why is that?!"

"Hello, Dazai-san." Akutagawa said bowing his head, calmly. "Shouldn't you be with glasses?"

Dazai opened his eyes lightly, and laughed. "'Glasses'? Dear me, Akutagawa-kun, I didn't know you could be so creative with nicknames." He spoke jolly. "I will start using that from now on!"

Akutagawa simply huffed and Atsushi chuckled lightly. "We haven't seen each other in a while because you're always busy," Atsushi responded to the earlier question, Dazai gasped.

"Are you trying to blame me?! It's you two that never call me...!" Dazai complained dramatically, Atsushi rolled his eyes. Dazai lowered his gaze and suddenly, he looked more serious, Atsushi would never be not surprised at how fast Dazai could change his tone, and he felt chills run down his spine. "Hey..." He started, Atsushi swallowed saliva and waited quietly, Dazai took a deep breath,a nd asked: "are you two happy?"

Both, Akutagawa and Atsushi, jumped in their place when they heard the question. They looked at each other for a few seconds, and Atsushi opened his mouth, but no words came out, not knowing what to answer. Surprisingly, it was Akutagawa the one that responded:

"I would think so..." He answered, he threw a small glance to Atsushi and nodded to himself, "Yeah," He spoke again. "We are."

Dazai opened his eyes wide for a second, and smiled softly at the ground. Atsushi turned his head to stare at Akutagawa with a surprised look on his face, but Akutagawa was staring at Dazai with a determined look on his face. Atsushi blinked a couple of times.

"I see..." he said, he then raised his head and gave them another of his relaxed, childish smile. "Then, if you don't have anything else to say, I will go and bother Kunikida-kun some more because he chose that ridiculous white suit."

"I think... I think is a nice suit...?" Atsushi said quietly, Dazai laughed loudly.

"I think so as well, but he doesn't need to know that~" Dazai spoke while winking at them, and just a few seconds later, he had disappeared. While Atsushi stared at his back, he couldn't help but to think that he looked even happier, like a weight had been taken off his shoulders.

Atsushi looked down to his hands and sighed softly. Akutagawa stared at him from the side and tilted his head. "You're doing it again." He spoke. Atsushi was brought out of his thoughts and forced a smile.

"Huh?" He asked. "I'm doing what again?"

"Thinking... something." Akutagawa said, Atsushi raised an eyebrow. "Something not good, and probably untrue."

Atsushi widened his eyes for a moment, and then exhaled loudly. "It's okay, and it is true anyway, so it doesn't really matter."

"Tell me about it, then." Akutagawa said, Atsushi frowned. "If it's the truth, then tell me about it, is probably about me anyway."

Atsushi laughed softly. "When did you become so egocentric to think all of my thoughts revolve around you?" He joked, trying to lighten the mood, but Akutagawa didn't even smile. "Well, is not that you're wrong but—"

"Then tell me..." Akutagawa repeated, looking into his eyes. Atsushi leaned back and swallowed saliva, but Akutagawa's gaze didn't flinch. "...please...?"

Atsushi bit his tongue lightly and raised his eyebrows, trying to find a way to put it into words. "You lied to Dazai-san, earlier..." He ended up saying. Akutagawa blinked a couple of seconds, before saying:

"...What?"

"When Dazai-san asked us if we were happy, you said we were, but you lied." Atsushi explained.

"No, no, I got that," Akutagawa spoke while frowning. "Just... why do you think I lied?"

"Because you're not happy." Atsushi declared. Akutagawa raised both eyebrows and looked at Atsushi, confused. He frowned. 

"Do I look unhappy...?" He asked, not sounding angry just... puzzled, like he didn't understand. Atsushi shook his head, without connecting their eyes.

"No, you don't."

"Then, what makes you think I'm not happy...?"

"Well... this."

"This... what? What do you mean?" Akutagawa insisted, Atsushi shook his head again, he gripped his fists to his side. Akutagawa took Atsushi's cheeks in between his hands, and forced him to raise his face. Atsushi avoided his gaze. 

"Dazai-san's wedding, you're not happy about it." Atsushi spoke quietly. Akutagawa's eyes widened and he opened his mouth slowly. "You're not happy about it because you still love him... And you don't love me—"

Atsushi bit his lip the moment he realized the words had slipped from his mouth. Had he said too much? Had he ruined everything? It had been a while since they last talked about their issues, but Atsushi had never bluntly said what he thought. He will probably hate me from now on—

Atsushi closed his eyes, and he slowly felt the way Akutagawa's fingers touched his cheeks, caressing them slowly. "Don't cry..." Akutagawa whispered, Atsushi sniffed softly "Hey, you're going to ruin your makeup."

"Is just—" Atsushi started without opening his eyes. Akutagawa pulled his face towards him and joined their foreheads together. Atsushi continued to breath quickly, and Akutagawa stayed quiet, simply letting him feel his touch. "Is just—!" He repeated.

"Is this what you've been thinking all this time?" Akutagawa asked quietly. "You think I love Dazai-san?"

Atsushi nodded his head slowly, and tried to suppress a sob. Akutagawa separated from him and patted his head slowly. He pulled him again, but this time, he hid Atsushi's face in his chest.

Atsushi opened his eyes wide and sobbed silently, with Akutagawa patting his back slowly. He gripped Akutagawa's suit and looked up, only to be met with Akutagawa's dark eyes staring back at him, he swallowed saliva.

"I'm sorr—" He started saying, before being interrupted.

"—I love you." Akutagawa spoke without flinching. Atsushi opened his eyes wide and gasped softly.

Akutagawa didn't look like he was joking, he didn't look like he was just messing with him, and Atsushi couldn't believe he had heard the words. He must be dreaming, because...

"I love you, Atsushi." Akutagawa repeated, like he knew what Atsushi was thinking. "I always had, since the beggining... I just... I couldn't say it before. But I can say it now: I love you..."

Atsushi blinked a couple of seconds, and Akutagawa cleaned his cheek with his thumb. It shouldn't be such a shock, considering they had been dating for a long time now, but to hear him say that.

To hear him say that...

It felt surreal, like he was hallucinating, but Akutagawa's eyes were enough to disregard his doubts and give him a new sense of comfort.

For some reason, even if he had never heard those words come out from Akutagawa's mouth, he somehow realized that they were right. Even if they were never said, Atsushi knew it, deep down, he knew.

He felt his lips curve upwards and he smiled with tears on his eyes. "Yeah...!" He exclaimed, his voice sounded higher than usual, but he didn't care. "I love you too..." he muttered.

Akutagawa leaned towards him and slowly brushed Atsushi's lips against his own, and Atsushi smiled softly.

"I love you, I do, I do, I do..." He spoke, Akutagawa chuckled slowly and held him tighter and closer to himself, and he hid his face in between Atsushi's neck.

"Thank you..." Akutagawa muttered against his skin, making him shiver. "For loving me."

Atsushi looked into the sky and smiled softly, feeling tears roll down his eyes, and he shook his head.

"No..." he spoke in a whisper. "Thank you for saving me..."

And with those words, they held each other closer, and Atsushi realized that Tanizaki was right all along.

They were meant to be.