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Chapter Text

The duo had just entered the gala, as they were sent there for a case by Qiao Ling concerning a close friend of her father's. As awkward as the situation was, they could not refuse the job since the man had provided for Cheng Xiaoshi ever since his parents' disappearance. 

With that in mind, Lu Guang accepted the case with little to no arguments. He knew fairly well that Cheng Xiaoshi held that man in high regard and that was more than enough of a reason for him. 

However, what they did not expect was that they had to retrieve the pictures first! This resulted in their current predicament, where the duo was requested to infiltrate in a masquerade hosted by none other than the target themselves, the one that they had to approach in order to obtain those pictures.   

When Qiao Ling proposed that Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi should be the ones to attend the event, her proposition was instantly met with a raised eyebrow from Cheng Xiaoshi, whose mouth was agape and steadfast refusal from Lu Guang.  

Don’t get her wrong, Qiao Ling understood Lu Guang’s reluctance to be around too many people. After all, he cannot monitor them all at the same time.   

‘Eyes open, who’s watching the watchers?’; he used to say in the first months after his return, sounding slightly paranoid each time. Albeit gentle in his ways, Lu Guang never failed to remind them of his stance towards this topic.  

The raven-haired woman, unfortunately for them, knew these fools better than they did themselves, hence her insistent behavior on the matter.   

Inwardly, she reasoned with herself that a long time has passed since the incident, concluding that it wouldn’t hurt whether he made an appearance in public or not, besides, it is a masquerade after all!   

She made a mental note to contact Xu Shanshan and Dong Yi to assist her for this noble cause. Here she was, doing her best to assist those naïve idiots with their own bottled emotions. It appears that someone is required to ‘open the lid’ for them to flow out freely.    

‘One day they’ll be thanking me’, she mused while looking at them communicating in their own... eerie way. Sometimes it was rather terrifying to witness those silent conversations they had. Head tilts and questioning eyes, gestures that the untrained eye would never be able to detect, let alone decipher.  

Taking this opportunity when the focus of the conversation was not on her, she ran to the door and shouted at the duo who were in their own little dimension.

“The event begins at 9 tonight! I’ll return with your costumes!”, and just as quickly, she shut the door behind her before she could hear the sudden wave of protests directed at her latest revelation.  

‘They should accept their fate already and have some fun for once’, she ruminated while looking up at the bright sky.   

Having acquired the boy's “consent” about the nature of this case, she texted Xu Shanshan to come over for operation “SHIGUANG”. 

It may have been in such short notice, but having faith in her best friend’s ability to make plans and visualize them just as quickly, Qiao Ling with a spring in her step and a knowing smile gracing her face, began walking home.

Meanwhile in the time photo studio:  

Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi stared at the closed door with such intensity that one may think that it would open once again and reveal Qiao Ling, striding in with milk bubble tea, a bright smile and the reveal that this was just a prank.  

A very distasteful prank. But it was not April and the door remained closed. And there they sat, dumbfounded at the gravity of the situation sinking in.  

After a good minute had passed, when Lu Guang’s brain had processed all this new, rather unpleasant information, he decided that it was too early for this kind of nonsense. 

Looking at his wrist, the watch’s small hand was pointing to the number ten, which meant that he had approximately eleven hours to think of a plan in order for them to escape this situation, since he had no intention of actually going to the event. 

Deciding that he should consult with Cheng Xiaoshi about the matter at hand, Lu Guang turned his head to his right, where the other man sat, only for their eyes to meet within milliseconds. However, before Lu Guang could get a word in, Cheng Xiaoshi declared that he was about to depart for grocery shopping and as soon as the words left his mouth, he did too. 

Lu Guang, being left at his own devices, had no one else to converse with, other than himself. Surprisingly he deems himself not to be his first choice, nor the second one, maybe somewhere around near the end of the list.  

They said that blood runs thicker than water but trauma has won the race by far. Said trauma has forged his current mentality, which is quite the fragile little thing.  

Being acutely conscious of the incident being nothing more than a ghost of the past, his mind decides not to register it at times.  

Times like those, he still feels like he is being observed by them, that they are lurking in the broad daylight, mocking him for not being careful enough. 

He keeps forgetting that unlike before, when he was just a mere piece in their chessboard, nowadays he, himself is a player, meaning that he owns half a board. His pieces are his friends and loved ones, meaning that defeat in this game of life is not an option anymore. 

His inner turmoil, like every other time, proved to be mentally exhausting and that often translated to physical exhaustion as well. In simple words, in times like these, his body and mind alike are in dire need of a well-deserved nap.  

However, from all those years, he was well aware that the realm of dreams would never offer him peace on a silver platter and this time, was not an exception. 

Closing his eyes, he let himself get swept by the drowsiness he felt, giving way to a new journey. 

It felt like not even a moment had passed until he opened his eyes again. Accepting that this was just another restless nap, he proceeded to stand up from the couch. 

He hastily made his way towards the windows, curiosity peaking at the sight before him. 

Instead of the buildings that were supposed to be at the other end of the transparent glass, there stood big and seemingly sturdy white walls, decorated with papers and machinery he could not put a name to, as well people walking around, dressed in pristine white robes.  

‘A familiar sight’, he mused ruefully.

-Chapter 1 end-

Dear readers, you shall receive the juicy version of this artwork. 

Feast.

Chapter Text

These people, appearance wise, did not differ much from the ones engraved in his memory.  

It wasn’t long before said figures took notice of him. They suddenly seemed alarmed and within a matter of seconds, the windows flickered simultaneously.  

Lu Guang was then greeted by the sight he was originally supposed to see, the same old buildings at the other side of the road that is. 

He audibly sighed as he concluded that this was a very well manufactured screen.  

Unsure about what this setup was supposed to be,  Lu Guang started walking towards the couch, when his ears picked up a pair of voices that were a tad too faint to comprehend the conversation they were having.  

Curiosity took the best of him as he decided to follow the trail of those voices by climbing up the ladder to their bedroom. However, when he reached the top, he noticed that his hands were littered with traces of relatively fresh paint. It was almost like the building was hastily put together, quite recently too. 

Taking in the sight in front of him, Lu Guang instantly realized that the room he had just entered was in fact a carbon copy of the one below, where he came from.  

‘It must be a dream of sorts, they cannot be identical’, he pondered while observing his surroundings. His logic often guided him in situations like those, easing his mind whereas others would panic.

Content with his discovery, Lu Guang decided to lay on the couch and wait for it to pass its course. Unfortunately for him, the dream realm had no intention of letting this simply slide.  

It continues as it is, with a sly method at hand which proved to be successful. The said method? Cheng Xiaoshi’s voice. The voices the white-haired man could only hear faintly before were crystal clear as of now.  

Although the pitch was different from the one he had grown accustomed to hear on a daily basis, this voice was unmistakably Cheng Xiaoshi’s. That alone was enough of a reason for Lu Guang to resume and follow the voices once again. 

Before he knew it, Lu Guang had already reached the outer door of the photo studio. His steps came to a halt as he poured his undivided attention and listened in on their conversation.  

“You don’t understand! We have to take him with us, I cannot leave behind my partner!”; That was definitely Cheng Xiaoshi. This new development prompted him to take the final step forward and open the door that was separating them.

The sight before him rendered Lu Guang speechless. 

He was disoriented by the change of scenery for a second, until his vision narrowed on the police station ahead. What he did not expect to see was officer Xiao Li, the one they came in contact with in Doudou’s case, and a younger version of his housemate.

He could recognize these messy dark locks everywhere and in every form.  

Starring nonplussed at the scene unravelling before him, Lu Guang tried to search his memories about whether this was another forgotten memory or if this scene was entirely created by the dream, with the sole purpose of tormenting him even when asleep. 

Lu Guang is suddenly pulled out of his thoughts by the frantic cries of Cheng Xiaoshi, who was currently being dragged into officer Xiao Li’s car.  

His eyes met with the younger’s just for a split second, which was enough time for officer Xiao Li to take notice of Lu Guang standing there. Then, the older man made the connection of Cheng Xiaoshi’s words about having a partner, to the man standing before him. His eyes widening in realization, he chose his next words carefully.

“Is that the partner you're so adamant to take with? He is going to be the source of your problems when you grow up, so listen to me carefully. This man will not be able to protect you, instead he will doom you.” 

“He needs to be exterminated kid and if you don’t make that call, I will”, the officer Xiao Li said in a tone that held no room for arguments. 

Seeing that Cheng Xiaoshi’s resolve would not change, officer Xiao Li unholstered his gun and raised it towards Lu Guang. 

No words were needed for this exchange, his fierce eyes were a giveaway. The man was aiming to kill. 

As officer Xiao Li moved his finger to the trigger and took aim, Cheng Xiaoshi quickly caught on and sprang into action and in no time, moved to kick him on the side.  

During this action though, kid Cheng Xiaoshi morphed into the adult version of himself that Lu Guang is familiar with.  

Because of that, the bullet missed its target and officer Xiao Li lost his footing from the impact of now adult Cheng Xiaoshi’s kick. Said impact was the reason why he fell into the middle of the road, where he met his end as he was run over by truck-kun.

The duration of that action may have been just mere seconds , but those very few seconds were engraved into his memory. The sequence of events was rather simple, an action-reaction pattern, however at that moment it appeared as something entirely incomprehensible to dream- Cheng Xiaoshi.

It was visible in his eyes that he couldn't believe that he just killed a man, simply like that. 

With a sudden whip of his head, Cheng Xiaoshi turned to look at Lu Guang, making him an active member of the dream. Being no longer a spectator, Lu Guang felt a mild panic rise within him, wondering how he should interact with a potentially traumatized Cheng Xiaoshi. 

Even though the sight before him was nothing more than a creation of his own dream, Lu Guang couldn’t help but feel the other man’s sorrow. Maybe being with Cheng Xiaoshi did make matters worse, he shouldn’t continue living in the photo studio with him.

His inner thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he felt two familiar hands grip firmly on his jacket. When did Cheng Xiaoshi manage to cross all that distance? Being absorbed in his own negative but quite reasonable thoughts , he didn’t notice the others' arrival in the slightest. Or maybe, the dream was toying with him once again. 

Cheng Xiaoshi’s grip on his jacket got stronger, and with that he was forced to meet the two tear-stricken golden irises that burned holes into his own very soul. 

“Why are you here Lu Guang? How come you stopped responding to me and now you appear here inside the photo? Answer me, Lu Guang!”, Cheng Xiaoshi said with his voice trembling, who was visibly disoriented about the situation at hand. 

Lu Guang stared at the other male with worry, pitying him. Even in his own dreams he cannot help but to put Cheng Xiaoshi through these torturous experiences. He is ashamed of doing so.

“Did I kill him? He wasn’t supposed to die! Tell me what to do Lu Guang…”, the raven haired male said while being at the edge of hyperventilating. It was truly a sight Lu Guang had witnessed one too many times for his liking.

Tongue-tied as he was, Lu Guang had no means at hand to attempt to comfort this version of Cheng Xiaoshi, who would ultimately disappear once he woke up. 

This is the logical way of thinking, after all. 

However sometimes, when it concerns Cheng Xiaoshi, this logic he has worked so hard on following, gives way to the sheer emotions the other man infects him with. 

It is irrational he mused, and yet. His hand, before he could process it moved on its own, to rest on top of Cheng Xiaoshi’s head, as if a trivial touch like this one, would fix every problem that was haunting that broken mind of his.

No man this pure, like Cheng Xiaoshi, deserved to carry a burden so heavy that slowly, but surely will devour his soul completely. He was kind to a fault, and that is the main factor of his sorrows.

He could feel the trembling spasms underneath his palm, fingers threading slowly through raven locks without a clue about what to do next. The sight before him seemed so eerily real down to the details that unsettled him.

With an echoing bang, the trembling of the other man abruptly came into a halt. Lu Guang’s eyes widened at the sight in front of him, unable to process the sudden change.

Now, it was Lu Guang’s turn to start visibly panicking. 

For a single moment, while focusing his gaze on these now blank and void of emotion golden irises, their color flickering and within a few moments, returned to its usual dark brown shade. 

At that moment, his brain short-circuited, and his now trembling arm, the one that was not coated with blood that oozed from Cheng Xiaoshi’s head, reached to grasp the other's waist. 

Not being able to hold the full weight of the now unresponsive Cheng Xiaoshi, they fell down ungracefully. Lu Guang shouldered the fall, with the other resting on top of him, blood gushing out of his wound in a rapid manner. 

Moving a trembling hand to the source of the blood, he started trying to wipe it off, as if the wound would close and his Cheng Xiaoshi would open up those beautiful bright eyes of his once more.

The weight on him as well as the blood that was starting to dry on his hand and his clothes felt too real, it was an unsettling and downright terrifying situation to be in. 

Taking a look at his other hand, which was becoming numb under the other motionless man, he took notice that he was holding a bloody gun with his finger on the trigger.

‘How could this be? I couldn’t have shot him… I could never’, Lu Guang kept repeating like a broken machine until his voice got hoarse.

The strong smell of blood along with the shock that has flooded his senses, made the logic he so desperately tried to hold on to seem like a pipe dream, long forgotten and buried.

His breathing became ragged, every breath was more difficult to take than the previous one, forced even. Turning his now blurry eyes to Cheng Xiaoshi’s limp form, he saw that the blood, which was previously a deep scarlet, had now turned to a blinding gold, which engulfed whe whole space around them.

The rest of the scenery had faded away to different shades of gold, some were bright while others slightly rusty but a breathtaking sight nonetheless. Clashing with the everpresent grey sky, the view seemed almost serene, were it not for the fact that Cheng Xiaoshi was gradually fading away as well, just like an old undeveloped camera film.

With the weight on his body fully gone, Lu Guang felt an even heavier burden than before. As the realisation hit him that he, himself, was the sole reason why Cheng Xiaoshi was suffering so much, his body began to sink into this golden mire that had formed underneath him. 

‘If I were to wake up now, will this be the endgame of our partnership?’, he thought mournfully.

Along with the scenery, his last restraints blended into the background, one that felt unreachable, too far away one may think. 

‘Will I be the death of him?, Lu Guang said in a helpless whisper.

A golden droplet made its way on his cheek, the last drop that caused the ‘glass’ to overflow. 

A single tear escaped his left eye.

It was followed by another, and another. Lu Guang kept weeping while his body was slowly getting engulfed by this burning hot liquid, a sensation that will be etched into body and mind alike, for a long time.

His vision blurred even more while a faint buzz was the everpresent sound that effectively put his brain in a trance. 

Exhausted as he was, Lu Guang drifted in unconsciousness once more.

Not even a moment had passed, until Lu Guang woke up with a start.

Looking frantically around him, Lu Guang’s last brain cell finally died.

He was back in the photo studio, on their couch. His eyes darted around the room and landed upon the very same gun, cleaned, shining like it was brand new. 

He had to make sure whether the loop simply restarted or if something changed. He cannot handle a repeating of what just transpired, the sight was too gruesome.

With a shaking hand, he picked up the revolver that he dreaded, maybe as much as himself, and proceeded to remove the cylinder in order to check whether any of the bullets were missing. 

A six bullet revolver with five bullets remaining. No sign of gunpowder residue. It appears that the dream has progressed, while his mental state keeps plummeting.

Five bullets to go. Did he have to watch Cheng Xiaoshi die five more times before his very own eyes? Unacceptable. 

His sorrow momentarily fueled the rage that was buried beneath, driving him to pull the trigger.

Blinded by his emotions, Lu Guang didn’t even register the sound of glass shattering, not until he got blinded by a red light. It’s warmth dazed him once more, with a single blink of his eyes the room reverted to its previous state. 

Furious at this dream’s antics, or more like furious at his own subconsciousness, Lu Guang thoughtlessly shot at the lamp on the ceiling, as he couldn’t stand watching his own two hands, which in his eyes will always remain coated with blood. 

A sinful and tainted man who has taken the lives of others, desires to hold someone dear and alive. The irony is evident, even his own dreams are mocking him.

The dream lulled him to sleep once again, falling onto the couch while it resetted. 

Opening his eyes, he quickly searched for the revolver, only to find out that there were three bullets left in it. A glimmer of hope to cling onto, he thought that maybe he could change the outcome of that scene. 

With newfound determination, he pushed down everything else. If he could fix this dream, then maybe he could redeem himself to the real Cheng Xiaoshi.

Lost in the ocean of maybe’s and what if’s, Lu Guang set sail for the very same door that led to the disaster he had experienced moments ago. 

He attempted to steady his breathing while clenching the doorknob until his knuckles turned white. As the voices at the other side grew more frantic, Lu Guang opened the door to the familiar sight of officer Xiao Li trying to holster Cheng Xiaoshi into his car.

Instead of idling, he opted to march towards them. The man took notice of him immediately and went in for the kill. Unlike before, he was not fast enough. 

A single bang echoed, a clean hit to the head with deadly accuracy, taking officer Xiao Li out of commission.

Before he hit the ground, Lu Guang took a glance at the man's eyes, they were scarlet. A color he learned to despise. 

“You haven’t changed at all, Luci”, the man said with a voice that did not belong to officer Xiao Li and a breathy chuckle. 

Lu Guang had no time to mull over this kind reminder about his past, he quickly turned to the small version of Cheng Xiaoshi who kept alternating his gaze between Lu Guang and the now deceased officer, finally settling on the former.

Those piercing golden orbs held a storm of emotions, worry, shock, relief, and fear. Cheng Xiaoshi never feared him, until now that is. How could he not after witnessing  the monster he actually is? It would be foolish of him to think that he would be accepted with all these sins he has committed.

And there it was. He felt a tiny hand clutching the hem of his jacket. If it were any other person, they would have run away and yet, Cheng Xiaoshi always managed to surprise him with his kind nature. 

Lu Guang though, did not deserve it. How could he ever hold that hand again, when his own are drenched in blood and filth? He was beyond saving in his own eyes, the rest of the world would agree if they were to learn about his previous lifestyle. 

So he begins to walk away. It is for the best, he keeps telling himself. This Cheng Xiaoshi is nothing more than a dream version of him, used to torment him. He won’t get hurt by his absence. 

‘There is no reason to get emotionally attached to a dream’, he scolded himself.

Picking up the pace, Lu Guang made his strides purposefully longer, not wanting to face the aftermath of his actions. It was not until he heard a tiny voice call his name with an uneven tone that he came into a halt. 

It was a mistake to turn his head back and take in the sight of the child version of Cheng Xiaoshi looking back at him. His eyes were wide and bloodshot from crying but when their gazes met, everything around them became still. 

What did those owlish eyes hide underneath? While usually they’re so expressive, there were moments that Cheng Xiaoshi guarded his inner thoughts like this, when nobody else could pry in. 

‘What’s torturing you every night?’, Lu Guang wanted to ask the real Cheng Xiaoshi. Don’t get him wrong, he did try. In fact, every time he asked, the other male shook him off, with that dazzling and yet pained smile of his.

After living together for so long, Lu Guang has grown accustomed to the others' facial expressions and that unfortunately worked both ways. Cheng Xiaoshi could always pick up his moods and did all kinds of things to help him stop overthinking. 

The dream version of him is currently sporting the very same expression Lu Guang has come to dread. His eyes are focused and yet, his mind is in a very faraway place. 

‘I’ve been the cause of this once again’, he sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. 

A single moment was long enough for the now familiar warmth of the dream to embrace him whole.

‘Another reset, I’ve failed him again’, Lu Guang  thought dejectedly. 

Chapter Text

Waking up for the umpteenth time, Lu Guang instinctively laid his eyes on the revolver, which now had two bullets left in it. 

Two bullets, meaning that he had to suffer through this nightmare two more times. He had yet to live through a scenario that did not lead to the ultimatum he had grown accustomed to. 

In a moment of clarity, he made the decision that he would not do this all over again, these improbable situations he had found himself in were starting to feel more and more like his soon to be reality rather than the antics of a mere dream.

In some of his previous dreams, there had been instances where he, one way or another, was killed. At those times, he remembers that he always woke up afterwards.

‘If I somehow end up dying here, I may actually wake up this time’, he thought while tracing his thumb above the cool metallic surface of the revolver. It may be clean but the stench of blood was evident. Lu Guang thought of making officer Xiao Li shoot him but he quickly discarded that idea. He couldn’t do this in front of Cheng Xiaoshi, not even the dream version of him.

For all he knew, the fool would probably spur into action and take the hit for him.

Cheng Xiaoshi, thinking of the other man gave him tremors. It felt like a minute had not passed since he had experienced the raven bleed out on top of him. 

He felt responsible for this, he knew that he was. Repulsed by his own pettiness, Lu Guang threw the gun away, as he began clutching at his own hair, he started pulling, as if along with the white strands that fell onto the ground, the memories of this dream would as well.

Muffled screams echoed on the rooms walls, Lu Guang was inwardly grateful that the only audience was himself. 

He needed to find the exit of this distasteful dream that acted more like his own personalized limbo. His subconsciousness has effectively materialized his fears once again, however it did enlighten him about something crucial.

He, is the reason why Cheng Xiaoshi is suffering and that is nothing more nor less than the undeniable truth. He cannot protect the other man by staying beside him and that much has already been proven once.

He had been the cause of the raven's death in his dream, who knows how long would it take before it transitions into reality?

It was only then, when the glimmer of the previously discarded weapon caught his attention through his peripheral vision. He could test his theory about death being the exit ticket from this limbo himself, instead of having those golden orbs placed on him again, silently analyzing him.

His breathing became erratic as he brought the revolver which still had two bullets remaining to his head. While struggling to steady his own two hands, he hears the voices again. They’re getting louder by the moment, more profound as if they are in the same room as him. The cries of Cheng Xiaoshi while officer Xiao Li is dragging him into his car, a scene that he knows too well, that has such a strong grip on him. 

He cannot bring his legs to move over there, not again. Yet, ignoring Cheng Xiaoshi’s screams is getting harder as time goes by. Cheng Xiaoshi, he thought. What would he think if he were to see Lu Guang like this? What kind of expression would he make at the sight, were he to witness how pathetic Lu Guang looked at this moment? 

Disappointment, disgust? Squeezing his eyes shut until he saw stars behind his closed eyelids, he took in a shaky breath.

‘No, Cheng Xiaoshi would only worry’, He knows that the other man would never forgive him for taking his own life so lightly, even in a dream.

Opening his eyes, with newfound conviction he steadied his hand and pulled the trigger.

The deed was done, the revolver dropped to the floor with an audible thud and a single bullet left within. 

As the smoke settled, it was visible that the bullet had found its mark, Lu Guang himself. 

Well, while the recipient was indeed Lu Guang in a sense, it was in a different font. 

One could tell the difference with a close look after all. 

Lu Guang glanced with a cold stare at the shattered glass that littered the floor. In the midst of that, laid the very first picture the trio had taken to celebrate the fact that he moved in, the day where he started living together with Cheng Xiaoshi. 

While Lu Guang was not fond of taking pictures of himself, he always looked back with fondness on this day. After all, he could not refuse those two sets of almost puppy eyes looking up at him. 

That very same picture is laid on the floor now, with a bullet hole on Lu Guang’s forehead.

‘Bullseye.’, he thought amusedly. How ironic. He was unable to achieve the real thing regardless of his perfect aim. 

Defeated by his own self, he plopped down on the couch and laid sideways gracelessly. Lu Guang pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his head on his knees, trying to resemble some sense of comfort. 

Another futile attempt transpired, the revolver had still one dreadful bullet in the chamber.

Lu Guang wondered what new sorrows would the, hopefully last trip entail while the warmth, signaling the dreams reset is enveloping him, once more.

‘Is this how Cheng Xiaoshi feels every time he dives in multiple pictures of the same client?’, Lu Guang cringed inwardly at the helpless feeling that engulfed him whole as he was not able to escape nor alter the nature of this dream. As much as he wanted it to be over, he was also fearing what awaited him once he woke.

Moving his hands to rub his now swollen eyes, he notices that his right hand is holding firmly the revolver he had previously thrown away. It seems that even the dream is mocking him, calling him a coward. 

While that is not far from the truth, Lu Guang did not find it amusing in the least. In order to avoid the temptation of giving it a second try, he proceeded to unload the gun and throw it away as far as he could. The revolver made contact with the wall with such force that it left a visible dent. 

Twirling the last bullet around his fingers with a blank stare, Lu Guang had lost track of how much time he spent repeating the same action over and over again. Not that time mattered in his own personal hell, of course.

It was not until he felt a shadow fall on him from behind, that he averted his gaze from the lethal object he was mindlessly focusing on.

What he did not expect was the said figure to smile at him fondly, as if he did something to deserve it.

“You don’t need that anymore Lu Guang”, the child version of Cheng Xiaoshi stated while pointing to the bullet that he was clutching in his left palm. 

“May I have that for a moment? I promise I will return it to you!”, he said with a mischievous smile decorating his maybe a bit too youthful face. 

Looking at the extended hand in front of him, Lu Guang contemplated his choices. Lifting his gaze, with one look at these golden orbs, that somehow managed to have literal stars embedded in them, Lu Guang opted to give in to the others whim and handed over the bullet.

The bullet, once in Cheng Xiaoshi’s hands, melted into a golden puddle in the middle of his joined palms. The liquid slowly started to rise upwards, discarding the laws of physics with doing so.

Lu Guang was magnetized by the sight, the very same bullet that he was holding just a minute ago was rapidly changing shapes, until it settled in its final form, which was a bright blue rose with a golden stem and leaves. It was truly a sight to behold, crafted unlike any other.

“Did you know”, dream Cheng Xiaoshi started with a soft voice and a sorrowful smile that he had never seen before on a child's face.

“There is no such thing as a real blue rose out in nature. People like to paint over flowers to create an enticing image for the rest of the world, just like how people hide behind graceful masks to conceal their flaws and survive, don’t you agree Guang-Guang?”, Cheng Xiaoshi said before burying his nose into the rose to get a whiff of its aroma.

“But as you are already aware, this is not the only reason why people are fascinated with the concept of a blue rose!”, Cheng Xiaoshi continued with an almost cheerful tone, whose smile did not reach his eyes.

“It also signifies new beginnings! Isn’t that exciting? Accomplishing the impossible and all that!”, he bounced on the couch as he said that, excited that he had the full attention of his audience. 

“Say Lu Guang, speaking of new beginnings... given the chance, would you attempt it? If so, which path would you follow? What is it that you truly desire out of this life that seems to be out of your grasp now?”, Cheng Xiaoshi looked over to the other man who averted his eyes upon hearing those words.

“You remind me of this flower you know? As they’re coated with artificial colors, so are you, in a similar way. Sometimes you’re too difficult to decipher, even for me Lu Guang. You clearly saved me back there and yet, you feel remorse, guilt even.”

Swinging his feet at the edge of the couch, dream Cheng Xiaoshi whose appearance still resembles the one of a child yet words that matched an adult’s, turned to look at Lu Guang’s petrified expression, which felt so vulnerable, like something had cracked somewhere deep within him. 

“What is that you wish for, hidden so deeply under the facade you refuse to acknowledge?”

Stretching out his tiny arm towards Lu Guang, Cheng Xiaoshi held out the rose for Lu Guang to take. “Of course I know all the answers to these questions, I am you after all. But he doesn’t know now, does he?”, the raven said more like a statement rather than a question while his hand was still outstretched.

As if the flower was made from glass, Lu Guang’s fingers tentatively closed around it. The object felt so foreign and yet familiar in his hand, that he felt that if not treated delicately it may shatter there and then. The sentiment was also directed at a certain someone, but he didn’t have to know that, he thought.

Bringing it slowly to his face to smell it, Lu Guang got mesmerized by the sweet fragrance it emitted, causing him to tear up once again. This time he cannot pinpoint the reason for his tears, as it is the first time they do not actually hurt. 

His eyes were no longer clouded over, in fact they almost felt serene, as if they had restored some of their previous shine. 

A new voice made its way into his ears, one that carried memories from those years that were almost forgotten in the passage of time. In front of him stood a childlike version of himself who had those dull eyes he used to have back then. 

It almost felt like looking into a mirror, although he could spot some differences, size aside. It was not long until the mini version of himself opened his mouth to speak with a monotonous voice, devoid of any emotion. 

“Have you forgotten that you’re not the only one hurting constantly? Your antics are having an effect on him too.”, his seemingly younger version said with a nonchalant tone while looking at the discarded revolver.

“You’ve grown to be so selfish, you know? We’ve finally found someone who genuinely cares about us and you are opting to leave that person behind! Did it not occur that after the incident his safety will never be guaranteed? Of course it did. We chose to ignore it to protect ourselves but for how long?”, dream Lu Guang stated, his previously jaded stare was now replaced with a furious look directed at his counterpart.

“Stop running away from reality! He is already involved and he kept looking for you now, did he not? You know that he’d never stop looking for us if we were to disappear again. 

He is kind to us, maybe more than we deserve but that is all the more reason for us to try and protect him by staying by his side! Once we’re away we have no control over anything after all.”, not used to using his voice that much, his younger self was left panting in the middle of the room after his outburst. 

With tears streaming out of his eyes after his speech he frantically tried to wipe them, to pretend that they do not exist. Young Cheng Xiaoshi quickly sprang into action by swiftly enveloping his also small partner into a fierce hug, while pushing gently his head on his own shoulder to hide that tear stricken face of his as he wept. 

Lu Guang observed them whispering softly words to one another, meant for their ears only. The sight before him as well as the scolding he had just gotten from his own subconsciousness rendered him speechless once again. 

Patting his head, like a signal of sorts, Cheng Xiaoshi broke off the hug and turned to grownup Lu Guang, starting to walk towards him with his counterpart trailing behind him while keeping a tight grip on his jacket, refusing to meet the other Lu Guang’s scrutinizing eyes.

Upon reaching his destination, Cheng Xiaoshi fished a blanket out of nowhere and proceeded to tuck adult Lu Guang in. 

“See you soon partner, I hope you don’t leave him this time”, young Cheng Xiaoshi said with a hopeful gaze while his eyes were shimmering with unshed tears.

Lu Guang mentally panicked, he had so many things he wanted to say but his words failed him miserably, so all he could do was stare at the figure before him, as if he would be able to convey everything with his eyes alone.

As a response to his attempt, young Cheng Xiaoshi rose up to stand on his tiptoes and patted his head while giving him a genuine smile, maybe the first one he had received from his mind’s projection of him.

That action made Lu Guang feel strangely content with existing right there and then. His dreams were never peaceful, maybe this time is the long awaited exception, he thought as he felt something warm but not overbearing grow in his chest.

Suddenly drowsy, Lu Guang could not keep his eyes open any longer. As the dream’s course apparently had come to a close, he let himself get swept by its antics once more. 

He can still feel people's eyes observing him behind his closed eyelids, that feeling will not fade away just like that, but now he knows that it does not matter, as he still has time to protect those he holds dear outside the land of dreams. 

With a bittersweet smile placed on his lips, an expression that almost radiated tranquility, Lu Guang processed the newfound sense of belonging. It took him too long to realise that something had changed in the back of his mind. 

In that instant he thought of the raven's eyes looking at him, unravelling the tangled strings his mind was made of, leaving him bare.

‘If only it was that easy to open up to him.’, Lu Guang thought as he dozed off.

"Scary version because I said so", art by our beloved Temper once again~

And normal one because it deserves some love. Definitely not me crying over it, no.