Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hope Mikaelson never truly liked birthdays, not hers, not anyone’s.

Sure, the gift part was good, the cake was also good… She just didn’t understand what was the appeal in celebrating getting older. It had always seemed pointless to her, but today was different, today was Josie’s birthday.

Josie. Who was now laying bare beneath her sheets, in her bed, sound asleep.

Hope knew she had to wake the girl up soon, but she really, really didn't want to.

“You’re staring.” Josie said, eyes still closed. Hope smiled.

In one swift movement she placed her right arm around the younger girl’s waist, pulling her closer, as the other stayed put in its place, serving as Josie’s pillow.

“I thought you were sleeping.”

“I was, but all of that staring woke me up.”

“You’re too beautiful, I can’t help myself.” Josie chuckled. “Shut up and let me sleep.”

“Have your way.”

“Thank you.” Josie snuggled closer to her, pressing her face into the curve of the girl’s neck and shoulder.

She was seconds from falling asleep again, when Hope spoke.

“But you did ask me to wake you.” Josie groaned.

“What time is it?”

“Almost 7.” Another groan. “What do you need to do so early, anyway?”

As soon as the words left her mouth, Hope knew she had asked the wrong question. Feeling Josie’s body tensing up, as she slowly moved away from her only confirmed it.

“I’m gonna have breakfast with Finch.”

Hope held her breath, nodding in silence.

Of course Josie had plans with Finch. Because Finch was Josie’s girlfriend.

Not her. She reminded herself, ignoring the knot forming in the pit of her stomach.

“Of course.” She didn’t intend for her voice to sound as harsh as it did, but, well, too late now.

“Hope...”

“You should go.” Hope said, before getting up. “you don’t want to risk someone seeing you.” She ignored her discarded clothes on the floor, as she made her way to the dresser across the room.

“It’s still early. I don’t have to go now.” Josie lifted herself up by her elbow, sheets still wrapped around her body. “Unless you want me to.” Hope didn’t answer, focusing instead on getting dressed.

She figured she had about 20 seconds before Josie'd speak again, which meant Hope had 20 seconds to get her shit together.

Today is not the day to get angry about Finch, she repeated to herself.

Today is also not the day to get angry about being the other woman.

Fuck, fuck.

15 seconds.

She knew what she was getting into when she kissed Josie for the first time. Three fucking months ago.

She knew what she was doing when she promised her that they could keep them a secret.

“No one needs to know.” She said.

“I won’t tell anyone.” She said.

"Fuck my life, I'll let you do it without ever complaining." She didn't say, but she might as well had.

She knew Josie had a girlfriend, whom she was terrified of breaking up with, because, in Josie’s words “she felt somewhat responsible for her and it wasn’t fair to hurt her.”

She also knew that excuse was bullshit and the real reason why Josie didn’t break up with Finch was because she thought Finch was safe. And in Josie’s mind, Hope was not.

What she didn’t know was how much more of all of that fucking drama she could take before exploding.

10 seconds.

Sure, she loved Josie and Josie loved her, but the siphoner didn’t trust her and, honestly, she couldn’t blame her.

Hope was a Mikaelson and she was every bit what that last name meant.

Finch on the other hand was the safe human Josie could rely on. No complications, no angry outbursts, no dramatic past or supernatural related traumas. No fated premature deaths in her future.

Just ordinary normalcy.

In Hope’s opinion, Finch was just plain boring.

5 seconds.

But today is not the day to get angry about Finch.

Today is Josie’s birthday and all Hope wants is for her to have a happy day.

4 seconds.

But here’s the thing people don’t tell you about being supernatural, being selfless is fucking hard.

3 seconds.

For once Hope wished she could feel normal levels of emotions, without the heightened everything that came with being both witch and werewolf. Maybe then controlling her jealousy would be easier. Maybe then she wouldn’t imagine ripping Finch’s heart out every time Josie mentioned her name.

2 seconds.

Today is not the day to get angry about Finch.

Today is not the day to get angry about Finch.

Today is not the day to get angry about Finch.

Today is not the day to get angry about Finch.

1 second.

Hope took a deep breath.

“Hope?” Josie tried one more time. Hope took another deep breath.

“Josie?” She turned around, resting her back against the dresser and doing her best attempt to smile.

“Do you want me to go?”

“I don’t, but I meant it when I said that you should.” She paused, weighing her words. “You still have to get ready and you don’t want Finch walking around the school, asking questions as to why there’s people drinking blood for breakfast. I don’t think she’ll believe it’s strawberry juice.” That made Josie chuckle and just like that the tension was gone.

Hope did inspire to be the first tribrid to win an oscar.

“Ok, you’re right. But I will see you later? At the party.”

Right. The party.

“I’ll be there.”

Hope did her best at trying to match the smile Josie gave her.

The tribrid watched as she got up, holding the sheet to cover herself while gathering her clothes from the floor.

She said nothing else as the girl made her way to where she was.

“I promise we’re gonna have alcohol.” Josie had her arms around Hope’s neck. She closed her eyes, already feeling the girl’s lips against her own.

She hated herself for being incapable of not kissing back.

She hated how much she loved having Josie this close to her.

She hated the way her body craved for the feeling of Josie's hands touching her.

She hated how her body reacted to her.

But what she truly loathed was watching the girl walking away.

Chapter Text

As Hope looked at the dress lying on top of her bed, she rolled her eyes for the 10th time that afternoon. She did spend a great amount of time picking it and she loved how the red silk hugged her body, but still, couldn’t Lizzie just throw a normal party for once? One that the dress code allowed her to wear jeans.

Or even better, one without a dress code.

Hope turned around, her hands finding the half empty bottle of bourbon sitting on her nightstand as if they had a life of their own.

On any other day, she’d avoid drinking this early, but she was about to spend the whole night watching the girl she loves dancing with someone else. Hugging someone else. Kissing someone else.

She brought the bottle to her lips.

Apparently “someone else” that she wasn’t allowed to kill.

That alone was torturous enough, she didn’t need to add sobriety to her suffering. Hence the bourbon she was now drinking. The burning sensation in her throat, although it didn’t solve her problems, it helped her control the impulse to go after Finch and break her neck.

Self control is an art. One that Hope was yet to master.

She took her eyes off of the dress, focusing her attention now on the black jewelry box by its side. She had already given the twins their present over lunch: plane tickets for them to visit Caroline, but she wanted to give Josie something else, something that was only for her.

She took the box in her hands, playing with its wrapping like she had done everyday for the past week, wondering for the billionth time if Josie would like it.

The last time she gave her anything was three years ago, when Josie turned 16, but back then she didn’t wait to see the girl’s reaction. She simply left the present for Josie to find.

This time she wanted to do it in the right way, but just thinking about it was worsening her anxiety. It was ridiculous, honestly.

She was naked with the girl less than 24 hours ago and there was no nervousness, but the simple act of giving her a birthday present was making her palms sweat.

If this was happening to anyone else, Hope would laugh at them, but it wasn’t. It was happening to her and she hated it.

She took the bourbon again. This time taking a much bigger sip.

2 hours later, Hope was ready. Her make up was done, her dress was flawless and the black box was safely inside of her handbag. She also had a bottle of tequila in her hands, just like Lizzie asked.

Actually, just like Lizzie demanded.

The fire messages she had gotten earlier still made her smile and roll her eyes. Not necessarily in that order.

“5pm. Our room.
I demand you bring tequila.
And Mikaelson, before you try to deny me,
remember it’s my birthday.”

And 1 minute later:

“By demand she means she is asking in a very polite way.
And she thanks you in advance.”

One didn’t have to have magical powers to know which one made her smile.

The first thing Hope heard as she approached the twins' bedroom was Josie’s laugh and just like that every bit of nervousness she was feeling left her body, in its place happiness and excitement appeared. She still didn’t understand the relevance of birthdays, but she was glad she was going to spend Josie’s with her.

“Did you bring it?” Lizzie asked as she opened the door. Hope rolled her eyes. “Happy birthday.” She placed the Tequila in the girl’s hand.

“Say thank you” Josie shouted from inside the room. “And let her in.”

“Thanks, Hope.” Lizzie said in a monotonous tone, opening the door wider. “Please get it.”

She could hear Lizzie saying something behind her, but she couldn’t bring herself to pay attention, her focus was now entirely on Josie… And Josie’s peach lace dress and Josie’s bare legs and Josie’s cleavage- For fucks sake.

She was breathtaking and Hope was left speechless.

The girl was standing in front of the mirror, a look of concentration in her face and an eyeliner in her hands. Hope smiled at her. Partly because every time she saw her she involuntarily did so, partly because her mind had decided to act like a horny 12-year-old boy who only knew four words:

Dress, legs, cleavage, fuck.

“And I’m ready.” Josie said, turning to look at Hope. “Sorry about Lizzie.” Before she could register what was going on, the siphoner’s arms wrapped themselves around her neck.

What about Lizzie?

Oh, right. The messages.

“It’s ok.” Hope finally said, hugging Josie back. Her arms circled her waist like they always did and the girl’s scent invaded her senses like it always did, causing Hope’s heart to skip a beat, like it always did.

“Thank you again for the plane tickets.”

“You’re very much welcome.”

“By the way...” Josie moved her lips to the older girl's ear. Her voice now lower. "You look stunning.” Hope held her breath, holding Josie closer and tighter one last time, before letting go. “You do, too.” She answered simply, painfully aware of Lizzie standing behind them.

She got the impression the girl wanted to say more, but before she could ask, a knock on the door interrupted them.

MG entered the room with a smile on his face taking Lizzie in his arms before the girl could object.

“Happy, happy, happy birthday.” He said, spinning the blonde in the air. She screamed, telling him to let go of her and put her down, but Hope saw that she was smiling.

“Keep your arms away from me.” Josie said, moving to hide behind Hope when MG got closer. Hope laughed.

MG looked offended.

“Are you seriously trying to hide behind me? You’re taller than I am.”

“But you’re the tribrid.”

“You make a good point.” Hope said. Josie smiled smugly at her, before sitting down in her bed. MG sat in Lizzie’s as the blond took upon herself to open the tequila.

Hope was about to take the space next to the boy, when Josie’s hand found her wrist. She gently pulled her to the bed and like an idiot, Hope let her.

Ever since she got into the room, Josie’s perfume was all she could sense, sitting next to her was definitely not the right decision, but Hope had already drank one bottle of bourbon, she wasn’t in the best position to make good decisions.

Fighting the urge to lay her head on Josie's shoulder and kiss her neck was enough of a task for now.

“Ok, so, Jed and the other wolves were in charge of the beers and whatever. But I wanted something else to celebrate our 19th birthday.” Lizzie said as she poured them shots. “Not only because it’s our birthday, but also because we all deserve to have fun after, well, everything.” She looked at Hope. “Especially you.”

Hope started laughing.

“I wholeheartedly love how your idea of having fun is having tequila shots.” Lizzie let out a laugh. “See? I knew this new found friendship between us was a good idea. You just get me Mikaelson.”

The blond gave each one of them a glass.

“C’mon, let’s toast.” MG said.

“Please don’t say ‘to us’, I beg you.” Josie said.

“Fine.” He stood up, raising his glass. The girls did the same. “To... Getting wasted tonight.” Josie laughed when Hope rolled her eyes.

“Cheesy, but I’ll allow it.” Lizzie said, as they toasted.

Hope watched as Josie drank the tequila without a gasp. She smiled to herself before doing the same. She personally preferred bourbon or even vodka, but after her 4th shot she had to admit: tequila wasn’t so bad after all.

Lizzie and Josie only drank two, but MG was more than happy to be Hope’s drinking buddy.

“On most days, I don’t think about being a vampire, not even a werewolf...” Lizzie started saying when MG handed Hope another shot. “But I do envy your guys' tolerance.” Hope laughed. She didn’t know why, but she felt like it, so she did.

“Do you want some water before you go?” Josie asked. Hope watched as the girl’s hand moved to her thigh. “You seem... not so sober.”

She was far from being actually drunk. That is, on tequila. The thing that was messing with her mind and making her dizzy could not be found in a bottle.

Hope lifted her eyes to meet Josie’s gaze.

“I’m good.” She said with a smile. One she thought was reassuring, but Josie kept looking at her. “What?”

The siphoner looked around, making sure neither Lizzie or MG were paying attention to them. Hope waited.

“Are we ok?”

Were they?

Hope had been thinking about that for longer than she cared to admit - ever since they started that whole thing, if she were being honest - and the more she did, the more doubts she had.

The truth was that she didn't know.

She didn't know if they were ok.

She didn't know if she had ever been ok with their situation or even if she should be, because she didn't know how to be ok when the condition to have Josie was sharing her with someone else.

She didn't know what morals were ok to bend anymore. She couldn't remember why she thought it was in the first place.

She didn't know what to think.

The only thing she knew for sure was how much she loved Josie.

Even if she oftenly wondered if love was enough - but today was Josie's birthday, today was not the day to dwell on things she had no idea how to change.

“Yeah, of course.” Josie didn’t look away. “Ok.”

“Ok…?” Hope repeated uncertainly. She felt her future Oscar slipping through her fingers. “Listen, I promise you, we are ok. You have nothing to worry about..." And I’m a liar, she thought to herself. "...except, as MG put it, getting wasted.” Hope interweaved their fingers. “And maybe save me a dance?”

She still wasn’t sure if the girl had believed in her, but she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Will do.” Josie said with a small smile.

Hope didn’t fail to notice that she didn’t let go of her hand, but she did choose to ignore how her heart reacted to it as she tossed back the tequila she was still holding.

Even though Hope’s idea of a party was very much different from Lizzie’s, she had to admit the girl had outdone herself this time.

Unlike the previous years, the twins’s birthday party didn’t take place at the Salvatore School.

Instead, Lizzie, after an insane amount of pleading and begging, managed to convince their father to let her do it somewhere else.

Three weeks ago, Hope discovered that “somewhere else” meant her family’s mansion. Her first thought was saying “no”, thinking that being there would make her miss her father in some way. Although he didn’t spend that much time in Mystic Falls, that was still his house, but she was glad she changed her mind and said “yes”.

It felt good to see the abandoned mansion alive for the first time.

“You’re never gonna hear me saying this again.” Hope said to Lizzie. “But you were right, having the party here was a great idea.”

Surprisingly enough Lizzie didn’t have any pretentious comeback. She simply smiled.

“Thank you for letting us do this here.”

It didn’t matter how much time passed, Hope was 100% certain that she’d never get used to the fact that she was now friends with Lizzie.

It was a good thing to be surprised about, though.

“Of course.” She said, smiling back at the blond, right before Kaleb approached them.

“Finally!” The boy said, throwing an arm around MG’s shoulder. “I thought you guys had gotten lost or something.”

“He is already drunk isn’t he?” Josie whispered in Hope’s ear, her lips unnecessarily touching the girl’s skin.

Hope didn’t know if Josie was actively trying to tease her or not, or if the girl had a hidden agenda to drive Hope crazy. But whatever it was, it was working.

Hope felt her pulse racing, as the heat she felt every fucking time Josie touched her, started to make its way through her body.

“I wouldn’t say completely drunk...” She whisper back in Josie’s ear, but instead of touching the siphoner with her lips, she chose to gently and slowly tuck a loose strand of hair behind the girl’s ear. “But he’s certainly getting there.”

If anyone else looked at them, they wouldn’t think anything out of the ordinary was happening. The music was loud, so it made sense for them to be closer in other to speak to each other, but Hope could hear Josie’s heartbeat speeding and Josie was more than aware of the way Hope’s eyes had changed. Her pupils were now dilated in the most beautiful way possible, almost to the point that no blue could be seen anymore.

Both of them had gotten used to it by now. Communicating without speaking, stealing glances and touches even when around other people.

They had gotten good at it. Almost too good, in Hope’s opinion.

But no one suspected anything and that was all that mattered… Right?

“That’s just not fair.” Josie mischievously smiled at Hope. “It’s my birthday. I should be the one drunk.”

Soon enough Hope found herself holding a drink she had no idea what was called, but it tasted like lime. Apparently Kaleb had not only taken care of the “beers and whatever”, he had also hired a bartander - after compelling the poor guy to forget every supernatural thing he might see throughout the night.

“I also told him this was a 21th birthday party.” Hope remembered him saying. Lizzie laughed, already making her way to where the man was, while Josie turned to Kaleb, thanking him.

Speaking of her, Josie was also holding a drink. A very colorful one. Hope could almost smell the sugar just by looking at it, but that wasn’t what was strange about the whole thing. The strange part was the fact that Josie's so-called girlfriend was nowhere to be found.

It had been almost 2 hours since they arrived and Finch wasn’t there yet.

Hope distinctively remembered when Josie invited the girl and she was very much present when Finch said she was going, but yet. No Finch. Nowhere.

Not that Hope is complaining, she’s more than happy not seeing them together, but still, it was strange. Something felt off about the girl’s delay, but she didn’t hate herself enough to ask Josie where her girlfriend was, because that’d be acknowledging Finch’s existence, which Hope tried very hard not to. No matter how curious she might be.

“I have a question.” Josie said, leaving her now empty glass on the table behind them. Hope did the same.

“Ask away.”

Josie took Hope’s hand in hers, interviewing their fingers.
Seeing as Lizzie and MG went dancing with Jed and Kaleb and everyone else around them was either too drunk to pay attention to them or simply didn’t care enough to do so, Hope let her.

“When are you finally going to give me my birthday present?” Hope widened her eyes, subconsciously holding her handbag closer to her body. “How do you know I have a present for you?”

“I didn’t, but I do now.” Josie chuckled. “I just- I saw the box in your room on thursday, but I wasn’t sure what it was. I didn't opened it, I swear.”

Hope rolled her eyes.

“I don’t like you sometimes.” Josie laughed.

“C’mon, I’m curious.”

“I was going to wait until later...” Hope said with a sigh. She wasn’t drunk enough to do this now. Waiting until later was code for waiting for the many drinks she had planned on taking to finally kick in.

“Please...” Josie’s thumb started to carelessly draw circles in Hope’s palm, the so familiar pout taking its place on her face.

Hope was seconds from giving in when Josie abruptly pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, before turning around to follow the girl’s gaze - and just like an evil spirit appears out of nowhere in an horror movie, there was Finch.

Hope watched in silence as the girl talked to one of the wolves, most likely asking about Josie. It didn’t seem like she had seen them. Yet.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think she’d still come.” Josie said, her eyes back on Hope. Her smile was now gone, and so was the flirtatious tone she had before. Instead, all Hope could hear and sense was the girl’s guilt infecting her every action.

The urge to roll her eyes was almost as strong as her need to throw up, so much so that Hope almost didn’t believe in herself when she did neither.

“It’s ok. I’ll leave you to it...” She said, turning around, ready to leave. "Excuse me."

She didn’t wait for Josie's response.

And if she were being honest with herself, she didn’t think the girl would have said anything anyway.

Chapter Text

Josie wanted to run.

She had always felt proud of herself for being brave when she needed to be, but she had no problem accepting her cowardness instintics now.

She wanted to run.

Finch’s arm around her waist was making her feel claustrophobic and the girl’s mouth in hers only worsened the feeling. She couldn’t get enough air. She couldn’t breathe.

“Finch.” Josie was panting, but not in the way she should. “Yes, babe?” The girl moved her mouth to her neck, mistaking Josie's shortening of breath as a pleasant response to her actions. “Please, stop.”

Finch pulled away almost immediately. Josie tried her best not to sound relieved.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think I had too much to drink.” The lie came out easily. “I just need a minute.”

Josie didn’t wait for her answer. She needed to leave that room and she needed to do it now.

The Mikaelson manor wasn’t called that for no reason. Josie soon realized as she tried - and failed - to find a bathroom.

Her first thought was going outside, but in order to do that, she would have to go downstairs and deal with a crowded room, filled with drunk teenagers - she didn’t have enough energy for that.

She tried another door - It still wasn’t the bathroom, just another bedroom, but it was attached to one.

Josie closed the door behind her, letting her body rest against it as the room started to spin.

Ok. Maybe she hadn’t completely lied to Finch. She did drink more than she probably should have, but the alcohol wasn’t the only thing making her ill. No. She wouldn’t be so lucky.

The heavy weight on her chest, making her feel as if someone was holding her lungs and heart in the tightest fist was a result of her own doing. Her own guilt.

She closed her eyes, allowing Hope’s face to fully take over her thoughts. But unlike other times, she wasn’t remembering the tribrid’s smile or the way their hands fit together. No. This time all Josie could see was the hurt in Hope’s eyes when Finch arrived.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fucking hell.” She cursed and cursed and cursed some more, wishing she could scream instead.

Part of her knew it’d be pointless - no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t solve her problems by yelling at them. But the other part of her, the less rational one really wanted to try. Anything would be better than this:

Hiding from her girlfriend, during her own birthday party.

She didn’t have it in her to keep doing this anymore.

Cheating, lying, hiding, lying.

And lying.

And hurting people.

And lying more.

It was all too much. But the alternative - telling the truth, breaking up with Finch or letting go of Hope… It felt even worse.

Josie had gotten excellent not only at lying to other people, but also at lying to herself - and it worked. Saying she was doing what was best for everyone was her most carefully carved lie, she constantly repeated it to herself and for a while she truly believed she was doing the right thing.

Finch was happy. She was happy. Hope was happy.

But how can someone be happy when they’re being lied to?

How can someone be happy when they’re lying to everyone?

How can someone be happy when their so-called happiness is based on a lie?

They can’t. Not for long - and Josie knew that. She had always known that, but lying was so much easier than facing the truth.

She opened her eyes, pulling away from the door. Her breathing was slowly returning to normal, but her skin felt as if it was on fire. Deciding against her desire to repeatedly hit her head against the wall, she made her way to the bathroom, purposely ignoring her own reflection on the mirror as she turned the sink on, focusing instead on the feeling of the cold water touching her neck and arms.

She couldn’t hide in this room forever, but she really wanted to.

Hope’s face was still on her mind, tainting her every thought and increasing Josie’s hatred towards herself within every passing second.

She needed to end it. All of that.

Finch. Hope. Hope. Finch. Hope. Hope. Hope.

If choosing was her only obstacle, if there weren’t any repercussions to it, she would’ve done it months ago. She would’ve chosen Hope in a heartbeat, but that’s not how life works and Josie was terrified of what would happen after.

They never talked about it, but Josie knew Hope believed the reason she was with Finch was because the girl made her feel safe whereas Hope didn’t. She knew Hope still believed Josie was scared of her and scared of what she could become but it wasn’t true.

Josie trusted her with her life.

Hope wasn’t entirely mistaken, though, she only got the “why” part wrong.

Dating Finch didn’t make her feel safe because Finch meant security and Hope meant danger. Dating Finch made Josie feel safe because between the two of them, Finch liked her more. She loved Josie - and Josie could feel it and it was good. Easy. Simple.

Being with Hope was all but that. It wasn’t good. It was painfully addictive. It wasn’t easy. It was utterly complicated. It wasn’t simple. It was all consuming and beautifully tragic.

Leaning against the sink, Josie breathed out a deep sigh.

When it all started, Josie was too weak to resist it. Hope was kissing her, so she kissed back. To hell with morals and ethics. She wanted to be wanted by her - but she didn’t think it’d last. Eventually Hope would get tired of her and she would end it without thinking twice about it. Josie truly believed that was what was going to happen.

But it didn’t.

And she didn’t just feel wanted by Hope. She felt loved by her and she didn’t want to ever let go of that feeling.

It was then that Josie realized she would do anything for Hope and the thought horrified her.

Because although Hope’s destiny is living forever, Josie’s is dying at 22 and she had already come to terms with it. She wouldn’t fight Lizzie. She couldn’t. But for a split second, as Hope whispered “I love you” into her ear. Her hand entangled in her hair and their bodies perfectly aligned together, Josie wanted to live. She wanted to fight, instead of giving up. She wanted to win the merge to be with Hope.

And in that moment, she didn’t care about anything - or anyone - else.

She knew Hope would never ask her to do that, Lizzie had become family to her - but Josie would do it. If it meant being with Hope, she would.
And she hated herself for thinking that.

It didn’t matter if it was going to happen three years from now. It didn’t matter that she didn’t know if Hope and her would even still be together then...

Knowing she was capable of doing that petrified her.

The next morning, she left Hope’s room, careful not to wake her up.

She went back to her own room and called Finch.

She patiently waited for the girl to pick and when she did, Josie told her she loved her.

Because dating Finch didn’t make Josie feel safe because Finch meant security and Hope meant danger. Dating Finch made her feel safe because Finch was the only thing protecting her from her feelings for Hope.

2 second later Finch said “I love you” back.

Chapter Text

Intoxicated. Tipsy. Hammered. Wasted. Under the influence. Drunk.

Feel free to choose the one you like best.

Hope’s favorite was “hammered”, but that was only because it reminded her of her aunt Rebekah. She loved how the word sounded in her thick accent.

“Hope, love, you’re hammered.”

Her aunt wasn’t there, but if she was, she would have said it exactly like that and Hope would've laughed and Rebekah would've laughed with her.

But Rebekah wasn’t there and Hope wasn’t laughing. Not that the situation she was in wasn't laughable, because it was. It was hilarious.

Here she was, drinking cheap, disgusting wine - alone - at Josie's birthday party, said party that was located at her own family’s house, while Josie was upstairs. With. Finch.

Upstairs. In a bedroom.

See? Hilarious. Let’s all laugh, shall we?

Hope reached for the wine, taking a much larger sip than her last one.

Oh. It gets better. Hope isn't just guessing where Josie is. She knows that she is in a bedroom with Finch because she saw them.

She saw Finch wrapping her disgusting arms around Josie’s waist, she heard when Finch said she wanted to give Josie her “birthday present”. She followed the couple with her eyes. She saw Josie’s smile, not as wide as the ones she gave Hope, but still there. She saw the kiss Josie planted on Finch’s neck. She saw Josie’s hands holding Finch’s, keeping them around her body…

... How she didn’t rip Finch’s head off in that exact moment, was beyond her.

Hope drank again, debating whether or not she should go back inside or just call it a night and go back to the school. Her original plan was sleeping at the manor, but she didn’t hate herself enough to do that now. She was already having a hard time as it is, trying not to listen to anything she shouldn’t and didn’t want to hear.

That’s why she came outside. She needed to distance herself (and her wolf) from that. From Josie and Finch - but she wouldn’t be able to control it the whole night.

Her wolf was a fucking masochist.

Hope emptied the bottle.

God, her life was a fucking joke and she only had herself to blame for it.

Well - maybe she had someone else, but that someone was currently busy having sex with their girlfriend.

Finch’s disgusting voice filled Hope’s ear before she could block that awful awful memory out.

“Let me give you your birthday present.” Followed by Josie's smile.

Josie's. Fucking. Smile.

But of course she was happy, she was about to have her girlfriend most likely go down on her. Who wouldn’t fucking smile?

Hope threw the wine bottle across the garden. It scattered as it hit the ground and Hope pretended it was Finch’s head. She almost threw own gift for Josie away, too.

“Almost” being the key word.

How fucked up she was for still wanting to give it to her?

Where in hell her self esteem had gone?

“Fuck this.” She cursed under her breath, wondering for the 10th time that night, if she still had any self respect left.

Probably not.

Her wolf wasn’t the only masochist, after all.

Hope didn’t go back to the school that night. She didn’t stay in the Mikaelson Manor, either.

Instead, she ran - wanting, praying for the exhaustion to take over her body.

When it did, she turned back to her human self. The pain, the anger, the jealousy, the shame… All of those feelings were still there, but as she walked back to her car, she didn’t think about any of them.

And for the first time in two days, she breathed in relief.

Back at The Salvotore School, with her dress back on, her heels and purse in her hands, Hope tried her best not to make any sounds as she made her way to her room.

Dr. Saltzman might know about the party, but she really, really didn’t want to explain to him why she was coming back alone at 6 in the morning.

Just thinking about how that conversation would go was making Hope want to throw up.

“Dr. Saltzman, hi. 'Where’s Josie and Lizzie?' I don’t know. I left the party earlier 'cause I was about to kill Finch. Josie’s girlfriend, remember her?”

“Oh, ‘Why?’, you ask. Because she was fucking her and I didn’t want to hear it, so I wolf out and spent the whole night running in the woods.”

Yeah. No. Not happening.

Hope walked up stairs as quietly as she could - the sight of her bedroom door making her the happiest she had ever been, but before she could reach it, a voice stopped her.

“Hope, wait.”

Josie. Because of course it was her.

Hope turned around.

“I was looking for you.” She said, closing the door of her dorm behind her. "Here I am..."

As Josie walked up to her, Hope noticed a few things.

1- Josie didn’t spend the night at the Mikaelson Manor. She came back home.

2- While Hope was still wearing last night’s clothes, Josie was wearing very small pajama shorts and a very familiar sweater. Hope’s sweater.

3- Hope really, really wanted to kiss her.

“I thought you might still be at the party.” Josie was now standing right in front of her. Hope rested her back against her bedroom dorm. “No. No. I left around 2.” Josie raised her eyebrows. Her eyes went up and down Hope’s body twice and she nodded in understanding.

Understanding of what Hope had no idea.

“Oh. Right.” She said, taking a step back. “What?” Hope asked, genuinely confused.

Why was Josie looking at her like that? She had amazing control over her wolf, it wasn’t like she was covered in blood like any other werewolf would be. Sure her hair was messier than usual, her dress was probably wrinkled, but- Oh. Oh.

Hope wanted to laugh.

Less than 4 hours ago Josie was doing god knows what with Finch and now she was what? Jealous of Hope? Thinking she had just come back from a one night stand?

“Josie-”

“It’s none of my business, Hope. You don’t have to tell me anything.”

“You’re right. It’s none of your business.” Hope smirked. She pushed herself away from the door, letting her shoes and her purse fall to the ground, before moving her hands to Josie’s waist. “But I wasn’t doing anything… I just went for a run.”

“A run? At 2 in the morning?” Josie was the one confused now, but her hands still found their way to Hope’s arms. “The party felt a little claustrophobic…” Hope leaned into Josie’s touch as the girl started to gently run her nails up and down her skin. “I wolf out in the woods.”

Josie’s hands stopped. It was only for a second, but Hope noticed.

“You’re right about the claustrophobic part...” Josie said, her voice was lower than a whisper. Hope suspected she was speaking more to herself than to her. "You said you were looking for me. Did something happen?” Josie’s eyes drifted to her arms, following the movement of her own hands.

“Not really. I just...”

“You just?”

“I missed you.” Hope hated how much she loved hearing that. “You did?” Hope also hated how small her voice sounded. “Yes.”

Their eyes meet and Hope didn’t even try to pretend to think about it before she stepped forward and captured Josie’s lips between her own.

And just like that, all the tiredness she was feeling, disappeared. She had never felt more awake.

Because Josie’s mouth was hot and her lips were so fucking soft and Hope didn’t care about anything anymore.

All she could see was Josie. And that’s all that matters.

So what if she’s going to be miserable the second Josie leaves her room? So what if Josie’s kisses are more desperate than they usually are? So what if Finch’s scent still lingers on her skin? So what if it makes Hope’s skin burn with rage? So what if Josie’s moans are the most beautiful sound she has ever heard? So what if she feels the selfish need to mark Josie’s neck and thighs and proclaim her as her own? So what if she knows she can’t?

So what if she knows she can’t do this anymore for much longer? So what?

So fucking what?

Josie’s naked body was on top of her, her mouth was firmly pressed against hers and Hope had lost the ability to think clearly a long, long time ago.

The only thought on her mind was how much she needed Josie to be closer.

And closer...

And closer...

And closer...

Hope flipped them over on the bed.

“Hope...” Josie said, breathless. Hope lowered her head to her breasts, circling her nipple with her tongue.

“Hope...” The girl was panting and groaning in her ear, her hips were aggressively thrusting against Hope’s thigh, and fuck- it was overwhelming. Josie was overwhelming. “I need more. Please...” Josie all but moaned and the sound sent shocks directly to Hope’s center.

But instead of putting Josie out of her misery, Hope pulled away, pressing Josie’s hips down to the bed, stopping her movements and holding her still.

“What- What are you doing?” Josie sounded frustrated.

“Giving you a much better birthday present.” The words left her mouth before she could stop them, but she wasn’t sorry nor would she take them back.

Especially when Josie’s answer came in the form of parted lips and dilated pupils, making Hope want to laugh in a really petty way.

Fuck Finch.

Hope smirked.

She got up only to kneel down on the floor one second later, pulling Josie by her hips, moving her to the end of the bed. Josie had her legs now wrapped around Hope’s head, both of her hands entangled in her hair as Hope started to kiss every inch of her.

Hope didn’t fail to notice how Josie kept her eyes glued to her head the whole time. She also didn’t failed to take full advantage of that as she ran a flat tongue through Josie’s center.

“Fuck... Hope…” Josie called her name like a prayer. She tugged hard at Hope’s hair as her other hand grabbed the sheets.

Hope was breathing heavily against her skin and Josie felt like she might pass out at any second.

Hope’s nails dug themselves in Josie’s hips, keeping her in place when Josie started to move, trying to match Hope’s pace on her crotch. She was kissing her everywhere, except where Josie actually needed her to be.

Josie knew of how loudly she was panting and how harsly she was tugging Hope’s hair, but she couldn’t care less. Especially when Hope finally let her tongue circle Josie’s clit at the same time as the girl entered her with her finger.

“Fuck, Hope- Oh my… God.” Hope was moving in and out of her in a rough and fast pace while her tongue kept going at a torturously slow rhythm, circling and pressing against her clit. Josie was burning from the inside out, her breathing was erratic and her body was starting to tremble, but nothing could compared to how she began to moan when Hope added another finger and the movements of her mouth got faster.

Even to her own ears the sounds she was making sounded dirty and borderline pornografic, but she was too far gone to mind. Her back was now arched and with one final move from Hope’s tongue, Josie’s limbs treblemed as every muscle in her body tensed up, only to relax seconds later.

Josie was still riding against Hope's face as the aftershocks of her orgasm came rushing through her veins when Hope pulled her fingers off of her. Josie let her legs fall back on the bed. She looked down at Hope, still trying to control her breathing.

Hope’s eyes were now opened, but her tongue was still attached to Josie’s center, licking and kissing her and savoring her. Josie felt shivers going down her spine when Hope locked eyes with her.

“Don’t stop.” She said, still watching her. She was painfully aware of how sensite her clit was, she could still feel it throbbing, but Hope’s tongue felt too fucking good against her and she didn’t want it to end.

Hope didn’t move her eyes from Josie’s face, they were now staring at each other and Josie felt her heartbeat increase for the 100th time in the last hour.

She took one of her hands from Hope’s head, placing it on the sheets beside her, grabbing them in a fist, but she kept the other entangled in Hope’s hair. Instead of pulling it, though, just like she had done before, she just let her hand rest there, lightly stroking the girl’s scalp.

“Just- go slow.” Josie said. Hope obeyed.

She ran her tongue against Josie and the girl let out the lowest of groans. Hope all but growl in response.

One of her hands made its way to grab Josie’s breasts and she started to gently but firmly drag her nipple back and forth, Josie lifted her hand from Hope’s head to hold the one the tribrid had on her breasts.

Josie was so fucking beautiful- No, not just beautiful. She was gorgeous. And immoraly breathtaking.

Malivore himself could come back to life right now and start to dismember people alive at the town square and Hope still wouldn't dare to take her eyes off her.

"Right- Right there..."

Hope didn’t use her fingers this time, instead she focused all of her attention on Josie's clit and folds.

"Hope..."

Hope could feel the girl pulsing against her tongue.

Josie started to rock her hips one more time, bringing them closer to Hope’s face. She really tried to keep her eyes opened but it all became too much and for the second time that night she felt her body shaking as one last stroke of Hope’s tongue made her climax.

She opened them a few seconds later when she felt Hope pulling away.

Hope crawled back up to Josie's side, closing the distance between them and burying her face in the girl's exposed chest and leaving small kisses along Josie’s collarbone. Her arm found its way to Josie's waist, where it belong to and where Hope never wanted to move it from.

Josie smiled.

They were both still panting and for a while the only noises filling up the room were their attempts to catch their breath.

A moment later, Josie turned her body to the side to look at Hope. Hope lifted her head to meet Josie's gaze.

“Hi.” Josie said.

“Hey.” Hope answered.

Josie traced her face with her fingers. Her nose, her mouth, her jawline... Hope leaned in her touch, closing her eyes as Josie lowered her fingertips to her chin.

Josie blushed as she felt the wetness that was still there. She whipped it with her thumb, cleaning it in the sheets behind her one second later. Hope opened her eyes.

“Thanks.” The air around them felt heavy, but Hope didn’t think it was uncorfable.

It was intimate and it felt sacred.

Even though it wasn’t.

It was filthy and dirty and wrong.

But, God, it felt everything but that.

“You’re welcome.” Josie said with a smile.

Hope watched as the girl closed her eyes, feeling her own about to do the same. She was seconds from falling asleep when she remembered.

She moved her hand to Josie's face, pushing a strand of hair away from her cheek.

"I have something for you." She said, her voice barely above a whisper. For some reason, it felt wrong to say it any louder. "You do?" Josie's voice was also low and her eyes were still closed, but she was smiling. Hope almost gave up on moving, she just wanted to stay there, looking at her."What is it?"

Instead of answering, Hope got up, reaching for her purse on the floor. She took one last deep breath before taking the black box out of her bag and going back to her bed. She sat down next to Josie and waited for the girl to do the same.

Josie didn't bother to cover herself up, before sitting up. She smiled, placing both of her hands on each one of Hope’s thighs. Hope, instinctively, moved closer. She let out another deep breath, holding the box tighter than she should.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but are you nervous?” Josie tried not to smile.

“Maybe.” Hope answered. She didn’t need a mirror to know she was blushing. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I just- I’m afraid you won’t like it, I guess.”

“That’s impossible. You could give me a paper clip and I’d love it.” Hope chuckled. “You could have told me that sooner, I’d have saved a lot of money.”

“Shut up.” Josie said, still laughing. “But really, If it’s from you, there’s no way I wouldn’t like it.” She said as if it was obvious. Hope didn't think it was obvious. Not at all.

And for the 4th, maybe 5th, perhaps 1000th time that day, Hope tried to ignore the way her heart kept reacting to Josie.

“Now, c’mon. Show me.”

Hope pulled away only enough so she could give Josie the box.

"Happy birthday, love."

Josie let go of her thighs, her hands now busy unwrapping her gift.

The tribrid watched in silence as Josie got rid of the wrap.

The first thing Josie saw was a folded paper. Inside she found herself, drawn by Hope. Josie recognized the setting. It was one of their study dates.

On the paper, she had opened books around her, her hair was gently falling around her face and even though the drawing only showed her side profile, she saw herself smiling.

It was beautiful, but yet drawing-Josie felt different. She was still trying to figure out what it was when she saw Hope’s handwriting on the edge of the paper:

“If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me.”

She traced the lines with her fingers.

“Hope… This- This is beautiful. I don’t know what to say.” Josie closed her eyes, feeling the tears starting to form. She blinked them away.

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m just glad you like it.”

“It's the most thoughtful and wonderful thing anyone has ever given me. Thank you.” Hope chuckled, noticing the girl had completely ignored the rest of her present, focusing instead only on the drawing. “Again, I’m really really happy that you liked it, but your actual gift is still on the box.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” Josie said with a smile. “I didn’t forget, I swear. I just wanted to look at the drawing one more time.”

“Sure.”

"It 's true...” Josie folded the paper, before opening the box again. “You know how much I love when you dra- Oh my god.” She stopped talking, her attention now focused on the most beautiful flower cluster bracelet she had ever seen.

As she looked closer she recognized the flowers. Daisies, with each petal made of diamonds.

Josie opened her mouth, but no words came out.

“I- Oh my god. Hope, I- this is too much.”

“Maybe." Hope felt as if her cheeks were on fire. "But I saw it and it reminded me of you, so...”

“I love it, thank you.” She said, leaving a kiss on the counter of the shorter girl’s mouth. “Here, let me help you.” Hope slipped the bracelet around the girl’s right wrist, snapping the clasp shut with a tiny click.

Something about Josie being naked on her bed, with after sex hair, her throat littered with dark, red marks, while wearing diamonds she picked and bought felt so goddamn good. And right. And perfect. And God, she was so beautiful.

Who the fuck was Finch anyways?

Hope was still looking at the bracelet when she felt Josie’s lips on her own.

She whimpered.

Josie moaned.

"Is the door locked?" She asked, her hands grabbing Hope's hips, pulling her closer. Hope nodded. "Good."

Chapter Text

Josie had it all figured out. She had made up her mind.

She was going to end things with Hope.

She was going to make her relationship with Finch work.

She left the party last night with that in mind, but Hope wasn’t there anymore. She looked and looked, but the girl was nowhere to be found.

Finch on the other hand was everywhere.

“Josie, are you ok?”

“Josie, talk to me.”

“Josie, what happened?”

So, Josie lied again. She blamed it on the many, many drinks she had and told Finch she wanted to go home, because “the world was spinning and she felt like throwing up.”

Less than 20 minutes later, Finch dropped her off at the Salvore School.

Hope wasn’t there either, but it didn’t matter. She would show up, eventually, and then Josie would end it all and Hope would understand, because Hope always understood. Things would be awkward for a month, maybe two, but they would find a way to continue being friends and everything would be fine.

Josie knew that was the right decision. It was for the best.

No more lying, no more hiding. No more cheating.

Hope would understand. That was the right decision.

But then, Josie saw her - and everything else didn’t matter anymore. She didn’t care about right and wrong, about doing the right thing. All she could think about was how much she loved her.

And then, Hope’s arms were around her waist, Hope’s lips were on her neck and shoulder, on her stomach, in between her thighs. Hope’s bracelet was around her wrist, making Josie feel hers and she couldn’t care less about the outside world.

Fuck doing the right thing. Fuck Alaric’s unrealistic expectations of her. Fuck the merge. Fuck all of that.

She hated it all. She hated how those things seemed to control her life and how she let them take over her.

She didn’t want any of that.

She wanted to be who Hope thought she was. She wanted to be worthy of the beauty Hope seemed to think she had. The beauty she saw on the drawing Hope gave her.

She wanted Hope.

She wanted her to take her away. From everything. From everyone.

“Lay down for me.” Josie all but demanded, but Hope didn’t protest. Josie’s lips made their way to Hope’s jawline, kissing the skin there sensually and slowly, as she watched Hope close her eyes.

The sight in front of her made her center throb.

Hope had her mouth slightly open, her lips had a distinct redness on them, bruised by Josie’s kisses.

She opened her eyes and Josie noticed how dilated her pupils had gotten, making them look darker than they actually are. The blue she usually saw in them now gone, almost entirely.

Hope was panting, her nails dug into Josie’s back and all of Josie’s current thoughts were unholy and sinful in the most delectable way and all of them were about the girl in front of her.

“Beautiful.” Josie whispered against Hope’s skin. She pulled back just enough so she could look into Hope's eyes and what she saw in them made heart skip a beat, in the best way possible. “So fucking beautiful.”

“Touch me.” Hope said. No, she begged.

“Where?” Josie smirked, turning her head to kiss Hope’s neck. “Here?” Her hand traveled to her ribs.

Hope shook her head. “Lower.”

“Here?” Josie was still smirking as she moved her palm to cup Hope’s breasts. Her lips were now touching her earlobe. The girl moaned. “Lower”

“What about now?” Josie placed her hand on Hope’s abdomen. Hope shook her head again, still panting, still sinfully gorgeous and fucking mesmerazing.

“Lower?” Josie asked. Lips still attached to Hope’s ear. Hope nodded, her right hand that still entangled Josie’s hair, tugging on it tightly. “Ok.”

Josie let her fingers wander, making the girl shiver.

“What about now?” She asked once her fingers reached Hope’s navel. Hope let out a low and perfect groan. She moved her head to Hope’s breasts, covering the skin with wet kisses at the same time that she moved her hand to the girl's center. “Here?”

“Y-yeah.” Hope only nodded, panting as Josie started to press her fingers against her clit, moving down to her entrance and back up again. Hope moaned loudly.

“Fuck, Hope, you’re so wet.” She said against Hope’s collarbone. Her voice barely above a whisper. The girl’s only response was a heavy and low groan.

Josie increased the pace of her fingers, Hope’s reaction driving her crazier by the second - but she wanted more. She moved her month from Hope’s neck back to her ear.

“You look so fucking beatiful right now.” Hope back arched in response. Josie took that as her chance to slide two fingers inside of her. The moan Hope let out became her favorite.

“Jo, Fuck.”

Josie was smiling. Devilishly so. She started moving her fingers inside of her as her thumb kept pressing against her clit.

Hope’s grip on Josie’s back tightened and she captured the girl's lips on her own.

“Faster.” Hope said, breathless, making Josie smirk. She sucked Hope’s bottom lip, slowly, before complying. “Jo, Fuck.”

Josie lowered her head to Hope’s neck - licking, sucking, kissing her eagerly, determined to keep hearing Hope’s moans. The sounds she was letting out acting not only as Josie’s most precious rewards, but also as her favourite form of addiction.

She moved her lips to Hope’s ear, trapping her earlobe between her teeth, sucking on it slowly.

“Josie...” Hope spread her legs wider, rocking her hips against Josie’s hands. “Jo… Fuck- Jo...”

Josie moved her hand to Hope's breast, dragging her nipple side to side at the same time as she curled her fingers inside of her.

“Josie…”

“Come for me.” She said against Hope’s ear. Hope gasped and Josie watched while her eyes turned into gold and her body trembled as she fell over the edge.

“Beautiful.” Josie whispered one last time, before falling asleep to the sound of Hope’s breathing and the feeling of her hand caressing her hair.

Hope woke up to an empty bed. Josie’s scent was still lingering on the pillow next to her, but the girl wasn’t there.

She turned to the side, eyeing the clock on her nightstand.

“3:38 pm.”

The events of the night before and the following morning coming back to her in flashes.

Tequila. Josie. Josie. Josie.

Josie and Finch. Wine. A lot of it. Jealousy. More wine. The woods. Josie again. Josie naked. Josie on top of her. Josie underneath her.

Josie’s perfect, immaculate lips on her skin, her fingers buried deep inside of her-

God.

And of course, her own complete lack of self respect.

Great.

Hope got up, anxious for a bath and food. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time she ate, but she sure as hell could still taste the wine she drank. The cheap, cheap wine from the party.

Just great.

Josie opened the door.

“And here I thought you had forgotten the way home.” Lizzie said from where she was sitting on the bed. Josie rolled her eyes. “Shut it.” She threw herself onto her own bed, tucking the black box where Hope’s drawing was safely folded under her pillow and wishing she could still be laying next to her.

But it wasn’t like she could just disappear for a whole day, not without Lizzie getting suspicious of Josie’s whereabouts.

“Dad came looking for you.” Josie opened her eyes. “And what did you say?”

“The truth...”Oh. “...that you were at Finch’s.” Right. “He said he would come back later.” Josie hummed in response.

She didn’t want to think about their dad. No. Her thoughts were still circling back to Hope.

She distinctly remembered how she decided to end things with her, only to be back in bed with the girl hours later.

She also remembered how shitty she treated Finch.

Josie traced Hope’s bracelet - her bracelet - with her fingers. It was beautiful, even more now that she could see it in bright daylight.

Every flower was so delicate and the diamonds encrusted on its petals did so in the most elegant way

Hope might have said that it reminded her of Josie, but to her, the bracelet screamed “Hope”. It felt like her.

Beautiful. Delicate. Elegant.

One of a kind.

Breathtaking...

...And something Josie didn’t feel worthy of having, although it fit her like a puzzle piece.

She could happily spend the rest of the day just looking at it, but Lizzie’s voice took her out of her trance minutes later.

“Why did you let Finch maimed your neck like that and can you please cover it up before Dad sees it?”

“What are you talking about? Finch didn’t-” She interrupted herself. Hope. Her hand flew to her neck. “Shit.”

“Yeah. ‘Shit’ sounds about right.” Lizzie walked to her, taking a closer look at her sister. “You know, I didn’t think Finch was into that. Good for you though.”

“God, Lizzie!” Her sister laughed. Josie waved her hand, murmuring a spell under her breath. “Is it gone?” Lizzie nodded.

Josie got up, wishing she could spell away all of her other problems.

Hope opened the fridge, wondering how a school with dozens of students could have nothing edible apart from fruits and… frozen nuggets?

Dr. Saltzman thought she was what? 5?

“We should order pizza.” MG said, sliding out of his chair and closing the fridge. “I told you, I need unhealthy, greasy food. There’s nothing good here.”

He did say that - repeatedly - as he insistently knocked on her bedroom’s door.

“Fine.” MG smiled, triumphant. “But-”

“Extra olives. I know.”

Josie gave up on trying to sleep. She was tired, she was also slightly hungover, but her brain didn’t seem to care about those things. It wanted to keep awake and it wanted to keep thinking about blue blue blue eyes and pink lips.

Josie sighed.

She had seen Hope less than 2 hours ago, she shouldn’t be missing her this much. It was pathetic.

Josie felt pathetic.

She hadn’t seen or talked to Finch since she bought her home, but all she could think was Hope.

Josie turned around in the bed, laying now on her back. She should call Finch and apologize for how she treated her last night. Yes, that was a good idea. She should call her girlfriend.

Even better. She should go see her. Finch. Not Hope.

She got up.

Josie was halfway down the stairs when MG passed by her, rushing to the door.

She was about to ask him what happened, her mind still used to associate people running with immediate danger, when she saw her.

Hope.

“Can you calm down? He’s still 4 miles...” Her words died out when their eyes met.

Josie felt her heart skipping a beat. How could someone look this beautiful just walking?

“Hi.” Josie spoke first.

“Hey you.”

“I’m hungry, Andrea.” MG yelled, opening the door. Hope rolled her eyes. “I know, Milton.”

“What is he doing?” Josie asked, glancing at MG as they reached the end of the stairs.. “Being annoying.” Hope smiled cynically. “But also waiting for the pizza to arrive.”

So, no danger. Good.

Hope stopped by the door, her hand in the door knob. “I would ask if you want to join us…” She eyed Josie up and down, before continuing. Josie felt shivers down her spine. “...but I’m guessing you’re going out.”

Scratch that- Yes, danger. Not good. Bad. Bad.

Josie simply nodded. “Yes, I am.”with Finch.

They locked eyes as the unspoken words lingered between them. A minute passed, before Hope spoke.

“Have fun, then.” She looked down, then back at Josie’s face and Josie saw it again. The pain in her eyes, the way her jaw clenched as if she was purposely shutting herself up.

Josie hated to hurt her, but she did thank Hope for keeping her thoughts to herself.

She feared the day when the other girl wouldn’t be that restrained.

“And we have food.” MG said, standing on the front porch with two pizza boxes in his hands and a smile on his face.

“Finally.” Hope sighed, taking one of the boxes from him, and pulling a slice of pizza out, wolfing down half of it in less than 2 seconds.

Josie wished she could be that pizza.

“Gross. Where are you manners, Andrea?” MG said, as he started to walk back inside the school, shaking his head in disapproval. Hope didn’t answer him with words, her mouth still full, instead she chose to show him her middle finger. Josie laughed.

“Rude.” He turned around to face Josie. “Anyways, Jo, do you want some? We ordered that veggie one you like.”

Hope’s eyes were on her again and Josie cleared her suddenly dry throat, before speaking.

“I- I can’t stay, but save me some?”

He nodded. “Yeah, no problem.”

Josie thanked him, breathing out a small “I gotta go.”, followed by “See you guys later.”

MG wished her a good night, but Hope just hummered in response, walking back inside and closing the door behind her.

Josie eyed the wall in front of her for a little too long after that, tempted to violently hit her own head against it.

She managed to walk to her car, battling against flashes of blue eyes that kept hunting her every thought.

She turned the car on - Hope’s voice ringing in her ears like a broken record.

“Have fun, then.”

“Have fun, then.”

“Have fun, then.”

She started to drive, the memory of Hope’s arms around her burned on her mind.

“Have fun, then.”

“Have fun, then.”

“Have fun, then.”

She stopped in front of Finch’s house.

“Have fun, then.”

“Have fun, then.”

“Have fun, then.”

And then she turned back around.

Josie knocked on Hope’s door.

Once.

Twice.

Hope opened it.

“We need to talk.”

Lizzie was bored.

She had spent the last month obsessively thinking and planning last night’s party and now she had nothing to do.

Josie was spending all of her time with Finch.

Hope was probably still dead asleep or doing something boring like panting or… Working out?

MG’s room was too far away from hers. Kaleb’s, too. She didn’t want to walk all the way to the other side of the school.

Although, Kaleb might still have a bottle or two of wine left- No, no, no. Her stomach was still pissed at her for drinking as much as she did last night.

Maybe her father would want to grab dinner?

Lizzie sighed. She needed new friends.

She was still debating whether or not she had enough energy to actually get out of bed, when a knock on the door startled her.

“Finch?”

What was she doing here? “Lizzie, hi. Have you seen Josie?”

“What? Wasn’t she with you?” Lizzie furrowed her eyebrows, getting more confused by the second. “No… Not since I dropped her off after the party. She was drunk last night and feeling kind of sick. I just wanted to check up on her.”

What. the. fuck?

Didn’t Josie say she was going to “spend the night at Finch’s”? Lizzie distinctly remembered her saying that before she left. And that was hours ago.

Again. What the fuck?

“Lizzie? Do you know where she is?”

“Sorry. No, I don’t know.” But I would love to find out. “What time did you drop her off?”

“Around 3 am.”

Oh. Fuck.

What the fucking holy hell?

“Why do you ask?”

“No reason, I just- I got home just now, so I haven’t seen her all day, but she must be with Dad, he likes to take us out for birthday dinner. Individually. I went with him yesterday, so it’s probably her turn now.”

Lizzie mentally high-fived herself for quick thinking. But to be honest, she didn’t lie. No completely. Alaric did like to celebrate with them individually, but because both Josie and her were too busy planning the party, he couldn’t, so they had dinner yesterday.

The three of them. Together. Which meant, Lizzie had no fucking idea where Josie could be.

“Oh. Ok, can you ask her to call me when she gets back?”

“Absolutely.” Lizzie smiled. “Thank you and sorry to bother you.”

“That’s fine.” Lizzie kept smiling. She was afraid that if she stopped, her jaw would drop painfully to the floor.

“Well, I’m gonna go. Have a good night.”

“Good night to you, too.”

“What the fuck?” She whispered to herself once she was sure Finch was gone. “What the fuck? What the fuck?"

Lizzie’s head was spinning. She had so much to process. She was so confused.

She also wanted to laugh like a mad woman. Not because she thought this was funny, though, but to let out all of the mixed feelings she was currently having.

Finch said she dropped Josie off at 3 in the morning. Josie came back to their room around 2 in the afternoon, with fresh hickeys on her neck. Smilling like a fucking and recently fucked idiot, but she didn’t spend the night with her girlfriend.

Something wrong wasn’t right.

Yes, they could’ve had sex when Finch dropped Josie off, but Finch said Josie was feeling sick. So, no sex.

Maybe they had a make out session in the car?

No. No. It didn’t make sense. Lizzie knew her sister and again, she was smiling like someone who had just been fucked. A make out session wouldn’t have that much of an affect on her.

What the fuck? What. the. fuck?

Was Josie… Cheating on Finch?

Her sister. Josie. Josette. Josette Lucas Saltzman.

No. No.

There must be another explanation. Lizzie just couldn’t think of one.

But... What if Josie was indeed cheating…?

“Fuck.” Lizzie cursed again and then she laughed.

Chapter Text

Hope knew this day was coming.

She spent more hours than she liked to admit thinking about this very moment. The moment when Josie would look at her, a sad smile on her face and say: “We can do this anymore.”

She knew it would happen, she knew it was just a matter of time, but knowing did nothing to prepare her for it.

At least that’s what Hope guessed Josie wanted to talk to her about.

The subject of said talk was yet to be disclosed, because Josie remained in silence, staring at the floor as if it was the most interesting and captivating thing she had ever seen.

“Take your time.” Hope’s tone came out more sarcastic than she intended, but she was getting more anxious by the second.

And a lot of seconds had passed since Josie said they needed to talk.

660 to be exact.

Not that Hope was counting.

“Remember last night when I said I was looking for you...” Josie started saying, eyes still glued to the ground.

“Yes?”

Josie stiffened her back, taking a deep breath. Hope felt her own air getting stolen from her.

“I was trying to find you because… I- I was going to end things between us.”

Hope closed her eyes, focusing all of her attention on her own breathing. Josie was still talking, but she had no idea what the girl was saying.

She needed to breathe first, hearing was secondary.

“But then I saw you and I didn’t know how to say it…”

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

“I just- I don't know what to do, Hope.”

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

“We keep avoiding it and pretending it’s all fine when it’s not and-”

Hope got up, her conversation with Josie from last night/this morning playing it back on her mind.

“You said you were looking for me. Did something happen?”

“Not really. I just...”

“You just?”

“I missed you.”

“Wait. Stop.” Hope took a step back, standing now in the middle of her room. “You said you wanted to end this, but what are you saying now?”

“I’m saying we need to talk about this.” Josie said, finally meeting Hope’s gaze, but as soon as she did Hope realized she didn’t want to look at her.

She wasn’t angry, she wasn’t even sad. No. All Hope was feeling was tiredness.

She was so fucking tired.

“I don’t have anything to say, Josie.”

“Hope, please-”

“No. I’m not trying to avoid the subject.” It was Hope’s turn to take a deep breath. “I’m just saying there’s nothing I can say about this.” She gestured between the two of them.

“Why?”

“Because It’s not up to me, Jo.” The tribrid knelt down in front of her, hands on the bed, on each side of the girl. “I’m not going to make a big speech and try to make you see that I’m the better option, or say that you should be with me and not with her…” Josie met Hope’s gaze. “... Because you have to decide, not be convinced.”

“That’s not- I don't want you to do that.” She said exasperated. “It looks like you do.”

“I don’t. I don’t.” Josie lowered herself, just enough so she could touch Hope’s forehead with her own. “I promise you.”

Hope closed her eyes, giving herself a second to gather her thoughts - Josie wasn’t making any fucking sense and her head was starting to hurt.

She got up. “Then what are you doing here? What is this really about?”

Josie said nothing. Hope wanted to yell in frustration.

“Is it about last night?” She tried again. “Josie.”

“It’s not just about last night, Hope.” She finally spoke, making Hope regret ever asking her to, but now that she started, it seemed she’d never stop. “It’s about every other night before that… and afternoon, and morning that I saw that look on your face.” Josie got up, closing the distance between them.

“What look?”

“This look.” Josie moved one hand to Hope’s chin, making the girl look at her. “The same you had the day Lizzie almost caught us last month and I dropped your hand. The same one as last week when Finch showed up for lunch and you and I had to cancel our plans. The same look you had the weekend before that, when we were sitting together at the futebol game and she kissed me.” Josie sighed, her voice now choked.

Hope tried to think of something to say, anything that would make Josie stop talking, but she came out with nothing - all she could do was stay there, in silence, frozen while every word the other girl said hit her like a punch in her stomach.

“This look.” Josie repeated, eyes scanning Hope’s face. In search of what Hope had no idea. “The one you have everytime I hurt you.”

Looking back at this moment, Hope was sure she could have handled it better, but she was exhausted from having to do the right thing all the time.

If she really stopped to think about it, that was the reason why she started all of this - that was the reason why she kissed Josie all those months ago.

Being selfless and responsible was exhausting.

For once, or twice, she just wanted to do what she wanted to do.

“Then don’t.” Her voice came out small, weak. Hope still remembered the last time she felt like that, but she really didn’t want to. “Don’t hurt me.”

“I’m trying not to.” Josie whispered, their faces now less than an inch apart. “But lately it feels like that’s all I can do.” She closed her eyes. Hope watched as a single tear fell from them. “Trying and failing. And hurting people. Hurting you.”

Hope traced the falling tear with her finger, until it came to a stop by Josie’s upper lip, the decision coming to her quicker than she ever thought it would happen.

She remembered why she had to be selfless and responsible. Why she needed to do the right thing.

In every other aspect of her life, it was because if she didn't, then no one else would. But when it came to Josie, it was simply because Josie deserved the very best and Hope wanted to be the better option to her. She wanted to be worthy of her - and that was the only way she knew how to.

The girl’s eyes were still closed and Hope silently thanked her for it. She didn’t think she would be able to say what she had to say if Josie was looking at her.

“Then we end this.”

That one tear became two, that soon became dozens until Josie buried her face in Hope’s neck, holding onto the girl’s body as if she could use it as a shield to protect herself from her own feelings.

She couldn’t. But she didn’t care.

“Please, don’t hate me.” That made Hope smile. “Already tried to, turns out I can’t.”

A lot of things about the last hour made no sense to Hope. She still had no idea why Josie was with Finch. Why or even if that meant Josie was choosing the other girl over her - part of her was sure Josie was still hiding the real reason that motivated this whole conversation, but Hope had never had any doubts about how much she loved her.

And she couldn’t run from the truth: whatever it was they were doing, no matter how right it felt, it wasn’t.

If Josie and her would’ve any chance in the future, they needed to end this before the cheating, the hiding and the guilt destroyed all the good parts.

Hope, just like Josie, knew that.

That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

It didn’t mean Hope didn’t want to run and cry and scream, but for now, with Josie still in her arms, she decided she could do all that later.

The next morning was inevitable. She couldn’t avoid it, but she could hold Josie until then.

And so, for one last time, Hope let herself get lost in everything that was Josie Saltzman.

Chapter Text

Lizzie checked the clock again for the 8th time that morning.

9:14

9. fucking. 14. AM.

And Josie was still nowhere to be found.

Which usually was fine - on any other day Lizzie would be happy she had the room for herself - but today was not any other day.

Lizzie was curious, she was anxious. She wanted to find out what the fuck was going on with her sister.

But again, said sister was nowhere to be fucking found.

Lizzie had lost count of the amount of times she had cursed her father for not allowing them to have cellphones - but that didn’t stop her from murmuring “stupid fucking useless rule” one more time.

When Josie did eventually show up, Lizzie had already given up on seeing her that day.

The cafeteria was almost empty and lunch hour was pretty much over, but Josie didn’t seem too concerned about that.

“You look awful.” Lizzie said once Josie sat down in front of her, nothing on her plate except for an apple.

Josie let out a dry and sarcastic laugh. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Lizzie’s smile didn’t fade. Josie was finally here, she could finally figure out what the fuck was happening and who the fuck Josie was fucking instead of her girlfriend. “So… Where were you?”

“I told you. I went to Finch’s house.” Josie’s voice was monotonous, tired even. Lizzie narrowed her eyes. “Really? Then why did she call last night asking where you were after you left?”

Lizzie watched Josie like a hawk for the next seconds. She waited to see a crack in her sister’s facade. Anything. But Josie’s only reaction was furrowed eyebrows.

“I didn’t go straight to her place, I stopped to talk to Hope when I was leaving. I guess we lost track of time.”

Lizzie didn’t fail to notice how Josie purposely avoided looking her in the eye as she spoke, but she had to admit, Josie’s answer made sense, except-

“But Finch didn’t say she called here?” She asked, willingly making her tone sound distracted, even though her focus was solely on Josie.

Josie shook her head. “No.”

Lizzie stared at her, while Josie stared at the apple. She saw the red circles around Josie’s eyes, the way her skin was paler than usual, how she was biting her bottom lip… She knew Josie was lying, there was no doubt about it. What she didn’t know was why she looked like she was seconds away from crying and why it look like it wasn't the first time she would cry that day.

Lizzie restrained herself from asking anymore questions. She could interrogate her sister later - first she needed to find out who made Josie this upset and then she needed to kill that person.

…

…

Ok, fine. Lizzie wouldn’t kill kill them, but she still wanted to know what happened.

For now, though, she chose a safe subject. “Where’s Hope anyway?”

Hope was pissed.

At herself. At the world. At everything - and that included Josie.

Yes, she said she understood why the siphoner was ending things between them and she truly did understand. Hope hadn’t lied. Whatever it was that they were doing- it wasn’t right.

It had to end. She was sad and she felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest, but she wasn’t angry about it.

She also meant it when she said she wouldn’t hate Josie for that. Hating Josie was not in her nature.

Getting pissed at the brunette, on the other hand, was something Hope was very familiar with.

So yes, she was pissed at Josie because now that she had time to stop and really think about it all, nothing about the last day and a half made any sense. Not at all.

First there was the party and whatever happened there that made Josie decide she was finally going to break things up between them.

Again, it needed to happen. Hope understood that, but then Josie changed her mind and they had sex, then, she changed her mind again the next day somewhere between The Salvatore School and Finch’s house, turned around in her little blue car and made all the way back to Hope’s bedroom door.

“We need to talk.” Josie said and what a great talk it was.

Hope didn’t even want to get into the fact that they had sex again after that, much less think about Josie leaving this morning. She wouldn’t let herself think about that. She couldn’t.

So she didn’t.

Instead she painted, because yes, she was pissed at Josie, but most of all Hope was pissed at herself for letting things get this far.

She felt used, even though she knew Josie would never do that.

She felt betrayed and hurt, even though she knew this was how things would inevitably end and on top of all that, she missed Josie, which only made her self hatred intensify.

She was a Mikaelson, for God’s sake. She was supposed to be better than that - bus she wasn’t. Being a tribrid apparently didn’t protect her from feeling like throwing up everytime she thought of chocolate eyes and pouty lips.

Hope took a step back from the canvas in front of her, putting the brush back on the table.

One look at it and she bite her tongue so as not to yell at herself.

Staring back at her in bright yellow were the same lips she was trying to forget.

Hope turned around, taking the untouched can of white paint from under her bed. She opened it and without another thought, she splashed on the canvas.

Maybe painting wasn’t such a good idea after all.

3 days later

Hope was nowhere to be found.

Josie wasn’t even gonna try to pretend that she hadn’t been looking for her in the halls or spending more time than she should walking around the woods surrounding the school, hoping to see a glance of Hope’s wolf.

Needless to say, she hadn’t been successful.

The only reason why Josie hadn’t done a locator spell yet was because she knew Hope was at the school. She wasn’t lost or in danger, she was just ignoring Josie. Simple as that.

And it was driving Josie insane.

She understood when Hope said she needed space, but she never thought “space” meant completely disappearing.

“Earth to Jo… Josie?” Finch’s voice brought her back to the present. She turned her attention back to the girl. “Hi. Sorry. What were you saying?”

“I asked you if you heard back from Whitmore yet. My friend said they started mailing the acceptance letters.”

Oh.

College. Right.

The real world.

“No, not yet. Neither did Lizzie. What about you?” Finch shook her head. “I’m cautiously optimistic.”

Josie pushed her milkshake away from her, making room so she could get closer to Finch.

“I’m sure you’re gonna get in.” She said, putting her best smile to good use.

She didn’t need her girlfriend to know that she had forgotten about college because she was too busy thinking about Hope’s whereabouts. Or that she had forgotten she had even applied to Whitmore because she was too busy having sex with Hope.

Finch smiled back at her, already leaning in - Josie noticed that a little too late. Too late to avoid it.

When Finch pressed her lips against hers, Josie thought about stopping her. She almost did, but then Finch’s hands found their way to her waist and even though her touch was never going to compare to Hope’s, Josie let herself imagine it was Hope kissing her.

That instead of Finch’s, Hope’s hands were the ones around her body… It lasted no more than a minute, but for that one minute, Josie felt like she could breathe again.

When Finch pulled away, Josie kissed her again, all along repeating to herself:

It was the right choice. Hope’s fine. I’m fine.

It was the right choice.

Everything is fine.

5 days later

Nothing was fine.

Nothing was remotely fine.

In fact, Josie was seriously considering repeatedly hitting her head against the wall and giving herself brain damage, so she wouldn’t have to deal with the reality of how not fine things were.

At least, it wasn’t about Hope this time. Not entirely.

Not that Hope’s current decision to ignore Josie's existence was helpful, because it wasn’t - but for once, the tribrid was not the cause of Josie’s present conflict.

She was still the main character - because honestly when was anything in Josie’s life not about Hope in one way or another?

Regardless, it wasn’t the tribrid's fault this time, or Josie’s.

It was her sister's.

Said sister who decided to take upon herself to find out why Josie and Hope were suddenly not talking to each other.

Honestly, she wasn’t even mad at Lizzie. She knew it was just a matter of time until someone noticed something wasn’t right between Hope and her. One cannot expect to stay off the gossip radar when the gossip radar was their sister.

“For the last time, Lizzie. We didn’t fight.” Josie sounded tired even to her own ears. “Then what the fuck happened?”

“Nothing. I told you, Hope’s just busy with her own things.”

“Fuck off, Josie. Hope’s always busy, but she still finds time to eat and breathe outside of her room.” Josie rolled her eyes. “Now you’re just being dramatic. Hope didn’t stop eating just because she’s not having lunch with us.”

“Fine. But still… There’s something you’re not telling me. I know it.”

“Lizzie I’m not-”

“Yeah, yeah.” Lizzie interrupted her, tired of hearing the same excuses. Josie sounded like a broken record. “You’re not hiding anything. You’ve said that already, but I still don’t believe in you.”

“Then don’t believe me, I’m fine with it if as long as it means you’ll stop with the constant interrogation.”

“First of all, I’m not interrogating you.” Lizzie turned away from the mirror to face her. “If I was, you wouldn’t know.” Josie rolled her eyes. Again. Lizzie considered punching her. Again. “Second, you can’t tell me everything is fine while looking like that everytime Hope’s name is mentioned.”

“What do you mean like that?”

“Like someone strangled your pet and made you watch it.”

Oh.

Josie did her best at trying to hide how right Lizzie was. “I don’t look like- you’re delusional.”

“Ok, let’s say I believe everything is fine between you two, what other reason would Hope have to fucking dissapear for an entire week?”

“She didn’t disappear, she’s just not spending as much time with us as she used to.”

Lizzie furrowed her eyebrows, scanning Josie’s face for any indication of hidden truths. “Right. So if she’s just busy, then my question is: busy doing what?”

“I don’t know, Lizzie. With her own life?”

“C’mon, Jo. You know everything about Hope’s life.” Lizzie sat down by her side. “And the only other time she went MIA like that it was when Landon was still… Well, here. Which is no longer the case.”

“I told you, I don’t-”

“Wait-” Lizzie’s eyes were now wided open and Josie was honestly afraid they would jump out of her face. “Oh my fucking God, that’s it.”

“What?”

“Hope must be seeing someone.” Lizzie started saying, as if she had just solved the world’s oldest mystery. “That explains everything, she has a new Landon.”

Josie opened her mouth to deny and then she closed it again, realizing that:

1 - Lizzie thinking Hope was with someone else was better than having her sister prying into their relationship - or lack of.

2 - As crazy and far off as Lizzie’s theories used to be, Josie had to admit her sister did have a point and she really didn’t want to think about what or who Hope could be doing.

Just considering thinking about that made her stomach twist and turn on itself.

“That’s definitely it.” Lizzie said victorious. Josie hadn’t paid any attention to what she was saying, but she nodded nonetheless.

8 days later

“Josie.” Alaric said, startling his daughter. “Yes?”

“Have you seen Hope?”

Josie fought the urge to roll her eyes. Wasn’t there anyone else in this entire school her father could ask about Hope?

“No.” She said dryly.

Josie waited until after he left to let her head fall to the table, the book she was reading long forgotten next to her.

Rationally she knew she shouldn’t get this angry over a simple question, but knowing did nothing to prevent her from wanting to punch Alaric in the face.

Her dad asking her about Hope wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, she was used to it - Josie oftenly wondered if that man knew how to tie his own shoes without Hope’s help - but ever since Hope decided to ignore and avoid her, Josie really, really didn’t want to hear her name.

It only served as a reminder of her own guilt. Not that she needed one, she was pretty good at reminding herself of it.

Letting out a deep sigh, Josie turned her head to the window next to her. From where she was sitting she had a clean view of the woods behind the school, which may or may not have been the reason why she chose this particular spot - unsurprisingly, though, no matter how much time she spent searching for white fur or auburn hair, she saw nothing.

Yesterday successfully marked a week since it all started - Hope ignoring her - and it was safe to say, Josie’s mood was getting worse by the minute. She was losing every capacity she once had to pretend nothing was wrong and all she wanted to do was scream, maybe then she would get rid of the feeling of that ever present frustration she couldn’t shake, no matter how much she tried to.

Taking a quick look around the empty library, she thanked the student’s body for its lack of academic interest. The last thing she needed was someone seeing her like that and asking her if she was ok.

She had already lost count of how many “I’m fine” she had said.

Gathering her book and the rest of her belongings, Josie got up.

Her ability to focus on anything other than Hope was, just like Hope herself, nowhere to be fucking found.

12 days later.

Josie lost it on a friday night.

All reason, all shame - she said “fuck it” to it all.

In her defense, that was not how she intended on spending her friday night and if she was being honest, it wasn’t her fault. Not this time.

It all started when Jed got his Whitmore acceptance letter the day before.

When she heard the news, Josie pushed down all concerns about her own letter’s delay and congratulated him. She wholeheartedly wished the boy the best of luck and went back to eating her lunch, truly believing that was the end of it.

Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Josie soon realized that when the werewolf intercepted her in the hallway the next morning.

He had a big smile on his face, and before she could stop him, his arms were around her waist, lifting her from the floor and spinning her in the air.

The invite to his celebratory party came 10 seconds later. As soon as he spoke, Josie tried her best not to run in the opposite direction.

She had already turned down Finch’s invite to come over to her place that night. Her grumpiness was showing, that’s how Lizzie liked to put it, and for once she did not disagree.

She was not a good company to have around, but Jed was so happy and even though partying was the last thing she wanted to do, she didn’t have the heart to say no. Not when his smile looked so much like Hope’s and the joyful look he had reminded her of the way the tribrid used to look at her.

Which honestly, didn’t make any sense because the two of them were nothing alike, but Josie missed Hope and Jed was the closest person she had that had any real connection to Hope.

Jed was also a crescent wolf, that much she knew, and besides all werewolves were somehow related, weren’t they?

(Or maybe she was just desperate.)

Regardless, Josie did her best at ignoring her bad mood as she said “yes” to him.

That’s how she found herself drunk in the old mill hours later with Lizzie, MG and Finch by her side and as she held a drink she had no idea what was called, much less what was made of.

But again, it wasn’t her fault. Not really.

At first she started drinking because she was nervous about Finch being there. It was one thing asking everybody to behave at her birthday party, but she didn’t expect the witch and much less the vampires and werewolves to maintain any appearances in Jed’s party.

So, she drank.

Later on, when Lizzie finally convinced her to let MG compel Finch, Josie kept on drinking simply because she forgot to stop.

The fact that being drunk eased the guilt she felt everytime Finch kissed her was just a plus.

“Are you sure you don’t want some water?” Finch asked. Josie tossed down the rest of her drink before answering, feeling suffocated as soon as Finch put her arm around her. “I’m fine, I promise.”

She tried to give her a reassuring smile and apparently it worked, seeing as Finch only nodded and went back to discussing whatever it was that she was discussing with MG.

And for once, Josie was happy that Finch was talking to him instead of her. Anything was better than having Finch’s attention on her, because everytime they as much as locked eyes Josie was reminded that she was still not sure what to do about their relationship.

When they met Josie invested on her as a way to get over Hope - she wasn’t proud of it, but it was the truth - then months passed and Hope kissed her. Finch then became a way to prevent Josie from feeling everything she knew she shouldn’t let herself feel for Hope, which was, to say the least, a dick move. She was bluntly and consciously using the other girl and she knew how fucked up that was, but it worked.

That was until she ended things with Hope.

Now she just had no idea what Finch meant to her. That relationship was never meant to last this long. Josie didn’t love her, that much she knew, but Finch was there, she was always there and Josie was feeling fucking lonely and as far as tonight as concerned, she was drunk and sad, so when Finch asked her to dance, she said yes.

And when Finch kissed her, Josie kissed her back - and it felt good. It helped.

For a few seconds Josie forgot about Hope. It was brief, but it was good. But then - then Josie saw her and she stopped listening to whatever it was that her girlfriend was saying in her ear. The music around her also didn’t matter.

All of her attention was focused on Hope.

“Jo? Are you ok?” Finch asked, her voice louder than before.

“Yes, I’m-” Hope’s eyes met her gaze. Josie felt her heart skip a beat. “Josie?”

She forced herself to look away, trying her best to focus on Finch. Her girlfriend, who was again saying something she again had no idea what it was.
Josie felt her mind getting dizzier with every passing second.

“Josie?” Finch called her again, her voice filled with concern.

Josie blinked.

One time.

Two times.

Five times.

“Yeah?”

“I asked you if you were ok.”

“I am. I’m sorry, I got distracted.”

Josie would never know if Finch actually believed her, but for the time being, she was just glad the girl didn’t ask for further explanations, she honestly had no more energy to come up with any more excuses.

Actually, Josie had close to 0 energy to do basically anything at the moment, except stare at Hope. She had no idea what Lizzie and MG were saying, she was barely aware of Finch’s hands on her hips and only a small part of her brain was registering her surroundings, but she could describe in detail every piece of clothing Hope was wearing and count with ease how many times the tribrid tossed her hair to the side in the last 30 minutes.

30 fucking minutes. That’s how long Josie was trying to find the courage to go talk to her.

Needless to say, she was failing miserably at it.

Staring at Hope and blaming the alcohol later was easier. Letting her eyes linger on Hope’s very very low-cut top was easier.

Walking to her and actually saying words? Not so much.

So, with Finch’s head safely resting on her shoulder and everyone else too drunk to notice her, Josie kept staring.

She knew Hope could feel her looking at her, but Hope’s eyes never met hers again.

She watched, instead, as the girl drank beer after beer, she followed her every move and almost set a werewolf on fire when he dared to put his hands around Hope’s waist. But through it all, Hope remained… Unfazed. Normal. Indifferent.

And Josie hated every second of it.

She also hated herself for being incapable of looking away, but no hatred could compare to the one she felt for Lizzie less than an hour later.

She wasn’t naive enough to think she was the only one who saw Hope, but she thought she could dream, she could hope (no pun intended) and beg the universe that Lizzie for once in her entire existence would give her the gift of shuting the fuck up.

Realistically, Josie knew that was impossible. What she didn’t anticipated was Lizzie chosing to shout Hope’s name from across the room the second her sister saw Hope.

The events that followed that moment all still feel like a fever dream to Josie.

“Mikaelson, you’re alive.” Lizzie said as Hope walked to where they were, smiling. “That I am. Hi guys.”

Josie was used to how her body reacted when Hope was near, but it never failed to amaze her how her mere presence or voice could put her heart in cardiac arrest at the same time it gave her arrhythmia.

“Fancy seeing you here, Andrea.” MG said, smiling. “What a surprise it is to find you here, Milton.”

They laughed. Josie wanted to die.

Knowing she couldn’t, she tossed down the rest of Finch’s beer instead.

“So… care to share with us why we haven’t seen you in the last two weeks?” Lizzie blatantly asked. Josie immediately looked down, playing with the now empty bottle in her hands. She didn’t want to see Hope’s reaction, much less hear her answer, but getting up and leaving now would just raise Lizzie’s suspicions.

“I was just busy.” That made Josie smile. Lizzie furrowed her eyebrows. “That’s what Josie said.”

Josie almost looked up when she heard her name, but she commanded herself to stay put. So what if the floor had started spinning and her vision felt blurier by the second? She could keep her eyes away from Hope.

It wasn’t that difficult. Just not exactly easy.

“That’s what we all said, Lizzie.” MG interjected. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

“Tell me you were not creating theories about me. Please.” Josie could hear Hope’s smile as she spoke. “Oh my God, you were.” The tribrid said when Lizzie didn’t answer.

Josie had to give it to her, Hope knew how to handle Lizzie like no other.

“Just one!”

“Lizzie…”

“No more than three. I promise."

“She means five.” MG said, already laughing, Hope joined him, the two of them finding Lizzie’s paranoia hilarious. Even Finch was smiling.

Except this time her sister was right, but Josie would never tell her that.

“I never thought I’d see the day I’d think your sister is funny.” Finch whispered in her ear. “She has her moments, that’s for sure.”

“FINE. Laugh all you want, but I was just worried.” Lizzie spoke again. “No need to. I’m here now and everything is just fine.” Josie raised her head at that.

It was barely noticeable, but she heard Hope’s voice going from assertive to vicious in less than a second.

Everything is just fine. She repeated in her head, her anger increasing with every passing second.

Everything. is. just. fine.

Hope spent the last two weeks pretending she didn’t exist, how on earth was everything just fine?

“I need a drink.” Josie said to no one in particular. Usually she would just take Finch’s or Lizzie’s, but both of them were empty-handed and MG was drinking water for God’s sake. The only one left was Hope.

Josie was drunk, let’s make that clear, so when she got up and took Hope’s glass from her hands she wasn’t exactly thinking. She was just… Reacting and she just really needed alcohol.

She also wasn’t thinking when she tossed down all of the tequila left there, gave the glass back to Hope and said: “Glad to know nothing happened.”

Flashing her most beautiful and fake smile, Josie turned to her friends and girlfriend. “I’m gonna go find Jed and ask for more beer. Do you guys want something?”

Lizzie declined. MG said beer was fine. Finch asked again if she was ok.

“Just fine.” Was the last thing Josie said before walking away.

She didn’t fail to notice Hope’s eyes on her, but she did her best ignoring how her heart responded to it.

Finding Jed took her less than a minute, but Josie never got the chance to talk to him.

“What was that all about?”

Lizzie. Great.

“What?”

“You. And Hope.” Josie sighed, even in her best days trying to outwit Lizzie was difficult, but today it felt impossible. “I can feel the tension from here.”

“I’m too drunk for this, Lizzie. Or maybe not drunk enough, I don’t know.”

“So there’s a this? I was right!”

Josie closed her eyes - suddenly Lizzie’s head disappeared and in its place a dog showed up. A dog clutching to a bone, like its life depended on it.

Lizzie wouldn’t give up, Josie knew better than to believe otherwise. Regardless, she still tried. She spent every day for the past two weeks trying and she was fucking tired. Tired of lying. Tired of spending every fucking second thinking about Hope and missing her, even though Josie herself was the one who decided to end things between them. She was tired of her stupid attempts to distract and to fool herself into believing she made the right decision.

She was just exhausted.

God, she wanted to scream. Yell. Set herself on fire and incendia everyone around her.

She wanted to stop her mind from constantly thinking.

She wanted to stop it all.

The world.

Herself.

Hope.

The fucking merge. All of it - but she knew she couldn’t.

She couldn’t even stop the words coming out of her own mouth, much less everything else.

“Yes. There's a this. Yes, Hope and I are not speaking. Yes, that’s why she went MIA the past two weeks, and no, everything is not just fine. Happy now?”

Josie didn’t wait to see Lizzie’s reaction before walking away.

“Meet me in your bedroom.” She murmured under her breath, knowing without needing confirmation that Hope was overhearing it all.

Josie unlocked Hope’s door with a flick of her hand.

“Why are you ignoring me?” She didn’t need to turn around to know Hope was right behind her. “Josie, you’re drunk.”

“I’m not saying I am not.”

“Let me walk you to your room.” Hope carefully said. “We can talk in the morning.”

“No, no. We’re talking now.” Josie got closer to her, making Hope’s back touch the wall behind her. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“I’m not-”

“Cut the crap, Hope.” Josie was well aware of how desperate she sounded, but she didn’t care. “Why are you ignoring me?”

Hope raised her head - unintentionally or on purpose, Josie didn’t know - but they were now face to face and when Josie looked into her eyes, she felt her legs losing its strength.

“I just needed time.”

“Time?” Josie asked, incredulously, her anger intensifying against her better attempts to control it. “You pretended I didn’t exist for two weeks because you needed time?”

“You gotta be fucking kidding me right now.” Hope murmured more to herself than anything else. She tried to pull away, but Josie only got closer to her. “You are mad at me? You ended this. It was your decision, so yes, Josie. I needed time without you.”

Hope wasn’t yelling, far from it, her voice had never been more calm, but Josie felt as if she was screaming at the top of her lungs.

Josie never felt smaller than in that moment, the truth behind every word Hope said hitting her with the strength of a wrecking ball.

“You promised you wouldn’t hate me.” She almost whispered.

Hope closed her eyes, letting out the deepest sigh of her life. “I don’t hate you.”

“Then stop acting like you do.” Josie begged, throwing out of the window any and every sense of self preservation she had.

A pause. Neither of them dared to speak.

“I don’t hate you.” Hope moved her hands to Josie’s waist, pulling the girl impossible closer to her and successfully ending any remaining space between them. Josie hated herself for letting out a sigh of relief when she felt Hope's body against hers. She hated her hands for finding their way to Hope's neck, as if they had a life of its own. As if it was their second nature.

But she did nothing to stop them.

“I don’t hate you.” Hope repeated, raising one hand to wipe out Josie’s tears with the tip of her fingers. Josie didn’t know when she started crying, but she didn’t try to stop it. “But seeing you, being near you…” Hope’s hold on her got tighter. “It hurts.”

Their eyes met at the same time Josie felt her heart sinking into itself. “Not seeing you, not being near you hurts, too.” She said.

The hand Hope had on her face started to wander, - her touch ever so delicate. First on her jawline, then her neck and collarbones, until it found its way to her cheek.

Josie almost smiled at the action, letting herself believe for one split second that she had won, that Hope was coming back to her.

She had no idea how wrong she was.

“Then why are you with someone else?” Hope moved her fingers, tracing now every inch of Josie’s face as she spoke. “Why are we putting ourselves through this hell?” Josie closed her eyes. “Do you love her more than you love me?” Was Hope’s final question.

Josie didn’t dare to move, she honestly didn’t know if she could even if she tried to.

“Answer me.” Hope’s tone was demanding, but also so, so gentle, much closer to a plea than an order. Josie opened her eyes.

“No.” Hope’s finger felt like a feather against her lips, brushing the skin as Josie spoke. “I don’t love her.”

“Then why? Why did you choose her? Why don’t you wanna be with me?”

Against her better judgment, Josie pulled away.

She had been thinking about those same questions every day ever since she left Hope’s room two weeks ago.

She knew why, she knew what was at stake, what it meant for her, for Hope. God, even for Lizzie and their family. She was well aware of how much she was giving up in a weak and maybe pointless attempt to fight a battle she could never win, but thinking about all that was-

She didn’t want to. Not today, not ever. Because the more she thought about it, the more she was sure she was making the biggest mistake of her life.

“Hope… It’s complicated.”

Hope let go of her, her arm falling motionless on the side of her body. “Complicated? That’s honestly the answer you chose?”

Josie stayed quiet.

“What are you not telling me?”

No response. Josie didn’t know what to say.

“Fine. Don’t answer.” Hope said, her voice growing colder by the second. “I give up.”

Josie tried to pull her closer again, but Hope pushed her hand away. “Hope… Please.”

"No. Just- no." Hope shook her head. Josie closed her mouth, not knowing how to act once she saw how Hope was looking at her.

The girl's eyes had changed. Not from blue to gold like she was used to.

This time was diferent. The blue was still there, but the warmth they usually carried was now gone. All that was left was a cold and harsh void.

The tribrid inverted their positions, pushing now Josie's back against the wall and taking two steps back, needing to physically distance herself from the girl in front of her.

"I’m tired of this fucking mess and this disgusting drama.” With Hope’s every word, Josie’s heart started beating a little weaker. “You don’t want to answer me, fine, have your way, but don’t you fucking dare come after me again, demanding explanations as to why I act this or that way.” Hope paused, choosing her next words in the same way Kol taught her how to choose her knives, giving preference to the ones that cut deeper.

“I don’t owe you anything and starting now, you don’t either. We are not dating, we never were, and it’s time we finally look at this...” She pointed between them. “...For what it truly is: a mistake I’ll forever regret making.”

Their eyes met once again and Josie tried to come up with something to say, she really did, but her voice was nowhere to be found. She doubted she had once learned how to speak.

She felt illiterate.

She wasn’t even crying anymore, she was just… There. Standing in the middle of Hope's bedroom, alone, as she watched the girl she loved walking away from her, knowing she had no one to blame but herself.

Later that night, when Hope invaded her sleep, Josie allowed herself to chase after the blue blue eyes and pink lips she so desperately missed.

She ran after them like her life depended on it, but just like in the real world, she failed to get to them.

Not even in her dreams she could find Hope.

The sick irony of it all combined with the widows being burst opened was enough to wake Josie up. Startled, she looked down at her glowing hands, realizing a second too late that she had caused the wind to blow as violently as it did.

“Fuck.” Josie cursed under her breath, running her hands through her hair. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Thanking whatever God or entity for Lizzie not having come back yet, Josie got up.

It wasn’t until she looked in the mirror that she noticed she was crying.

“Great. Fuck.”

“It’s time we finally look at this for what it truly is: a mistake I’ll forever regret making.”

She felt like she was drawing, suffocating - like the world didn’t have enough air for her to breathe.

“It’s time we finally look at this for what it truly is: a mistake I’ll forever regret making.”

As she hugged her knees, sitting on the floor after giving up on trying to wipe her tears, Josie caught a glimpse of shiny diamonds. Even in the dark, the bracelet Hope gave her was still easy to spot.

She wondered, not for the first time, if it had a light of its own.

“I’m tired of this fucking mess and this disgusting drama.”

But that night, she looked at it for a different reason. The jewelry, usually light as a feather, felt heavier than a brick on her wrist and the weight was strangely similar to how heavy her heart felt in her chest.

“I’m tired of this fucking mess and this disgusting drama.”

Still sobbing, Josie took it off.

Chapter Text

Lizzie prided herself on always knowing what was happening in The Salvatore School. Even now, months after having graduated, she still managed to keep track of all the important things.

It wasn’t like she had anything better to do - not until she heard back from the colleges she applied to, at least.

Besides, Lizzie liked to be the one everybody went to when they needed information.

Everyone else had their thing, that was hers.

Hope had the fighting skills, being The Tribrid and all of that. MG had his master plans. Josie had her spells and potions. Lizzie had the knowledge, the intell - she knew everyone’s secrets and she had the wisdom to know how to use that in her favor.

Fuck siphon powers, that was her true calling. And everyone knew that, she was never shy about it. In fact, Lizzie made sure everyone was well aware of it.

That’s why not knowing what the hell was happening to Josie was driving Lizzie fucking insane.

Her sister, her twin sister, was keeping things from her, hiding the truth, withholding information and not only lying to her face, but also lying about lying to her face-

Honestly, Lizzie didn’t know what was worse, that Josie refused to tell her what was really happening or that Josie truly believed Lizzie was buying her lies and excuses.

Of course when it all started and Lizzie first noticed something wasn’t right, she never thought Josie was hiding something like that from her.

She theorized about Josie having applied to a different college, about Josie deciding to move to a different country or city, hell, she even thought that maybe she had started doing black magic again, but not in a billion years, it crossed Lizzie’s mind that her sister was fucking Hope Mikaelson behind everyone’s back.

Josie had a girlfriend, for crying out loud! (A very… peculiar one, but a girlfriend nonetheless.)

Regardless of what Lizzie thought of Finch, she never ever thought Josie would cheat on her or on anyone for that matter.

But what is life if not a box full of surprises?

(Lizzie was 1100% sure she would never recover from that one.)

At first all she had were pieces. Of what? She didn’t know yet, not really, not until Jed’s party.

That’s when it all began to make sense to Lizzie. It was there that she finally saw the whole puzzle, the bigger picture, if you will - but if she had to guess, the chain reaction she witnessed had been set in motion a long time ago.

She was just lucky enough to be in the right place, at the right time to see the end result of it all. The fucking tragic and dramatic outcome of the collision of those idiots known as: Josie Saltzman and Hope Mikaelson.

But first things, first.

For the sake of clarity and in honor of chronology order, let’s go back to the start:

“Yes. There's a this. Yes, Hope and I are not speaking. Yes, that’s why she went MIA the past two weeks, and no, everything is not just fine. Happy now?” Lizzie stayed silent while Josie spoke, and in silence she remained as her sister walked away.

She was too busy repeating Josie’s words in her mind to do anything else.

Lizzie knew deep down she was missing something. Josie’s whole attitude, the way she spoke, how she was acting those last weeks… Lizzie knew the key to understanding it all was right in front of her, but she couldn’t grasp it.

Maybe if she were sober, she would have put 2 and 2 together sooner, but it wasn’t until Hope walked past her, avoiding everyone else's look and going in the same direction Josie went that she finally realized what was happening.

Josie and Hope were in the middle of a fucking lovers quarrel.

It took Lizzie longer than she was proud to admit for her mind to properly function after that.

“Oh, fuck me.” She murmured to herself. “Fuck fuck me. Those two motherfuckers.”

It was painfully obvious to her now. Why Josie was so miserable, why Hope didn’t set foot outside of her bedroom whenever Josie was around, why they stopped talking to each other out of the fucking blue. God. The marks on Josie’s neck that Lizzie never understood how had gotten there (Finch was definitely not a top.)

It all made sense now.

Hope and Josie were having an affair. Josie was cheating on Finch with Hope. Hope was branding her sister like a fucking livestock and Josie was more than happy to let her do it

"Fucking assholes."

Lizzie needed a drink. A lot of drinks - but before she could find any, MG’s voice caught her attention.

“There you are. You never came back.”

“Sorry, I-” Think, think, think. Lie, lie, lie. “I needed to go to the bathroom.”

“Was Josie with you? Finch got worried that she might be too drunk for her own good.”

Finch.

Fuck. Finch.

That poor girl.

She had no idea her girlfriend was cheating on her and yet, she was worried about that little asshole Lizzie called sister.

Lizzie almost wanted to hug her.

“She…” Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie. “Hope took her back to our room, she was feeling a little sick.”

“Oh. Ok, I’ll tell Finch.” MG said, before leaving. Lizzie simply nodded, uncertain of what to do now next.

Sure, she had options but none of them sounded good.

Honestly.

She could:

a) Follow Hope and Josie and confront them, but in doing so she was at risk of seeing things she really didn’t want to see.

Who knows how those two ended their arguments?

b) Do nothing and wait to see how everything would turn out, even if that meant having to deal with miserable and depressed and grumpy Josie for God knows how long.

c) Lock those two in a room and demand explanations.

d)...?

That’s it, Lizzie didn’t have more options.

…

…

…

Actually, she had one more.

d) She could ignore what she had just found out, at least until tomorrow and enjoy the rest of the party getting extremely drunk in preparation for the oh so great talk she was going to have with Josie in the morning.

“Yep.” Lizzie nodded to herself as she made her way to the beer keg she spotted next to Jed. “D it is.”

Hope had no idea how long it had been since she left the school. She also had no idea when she turned. She didn’t try to stop it, though, but she also didn’t provoke it. Not consciously.

All she knew was that one moment she was her and the next, the white wolf had taken over her body.

It felt good. Hope felt better, but she could still feel her anger, burning beneath her skin. She could still hear her own voice like a broken record:

“Then why are you with someone else?”

“Why are we putting ourselves through this hell?”

“Do you love her more than you love me? Answer me.”

Hope kept replaying that conversation in a loop in her mind, trying to pinpoint the moment she decided to give up on Josie.

The more she thought about it, the more sure she was: It was not when she said “I give up.”

It wasn’t even one moment alone, but the combination of a lot of different things.

During the whole time they were together and during that whole conversation (or argument, whatever you wanted to call it) Hope felt as if Josie was running or wanting to run as fast as she could in the opposite direction and she was tired of chasing after someone who so clearly wanted to flee.

She was tired of trying to earn the trust of someone who was so blatantly trying to push everyone away by building innumerous walls around themselves. Someone who was so determined to keep hidden whatever it was that they were hiding, that they were willing to give everything up in order to do so.

Because that’s what Josie was doing. She was hiding something.

That’s the conclusion Hope came after two weeks of constantly thinking and overthinking about it all.

For a while she believed Finch was the thing getting in between them.

When that was proven wrong, Hope thought Josie was scared of her, of what it meant to be with a Mikaelson, especially given Dr. Saltzman’s history with her father - but it didn’t make sense. Nothing Hope came up with made sense and it still didn’t.

Straight asking Josie what was happening was Hope's last attempt to figure it out, but when Josie chose silence as her answer, Hope realized then that whatever it was she was thinking or hiding or avoiding, she would never willingly tell her and making Josie do anything was not something Hope would ever do.

She wanted Josie to want to tell her, to want to be with her, to want to want her.

But apparently, Josie didn’t. So, Hope gave up.

But the words: “I give up” were just the final nail in a coffin that had been sealed shut a long time ago.

Loving Josie was beautiful and exciting. It made her feel alive, but it was also agonizingly confusing and tiring. It was all consuming and devastating in the best and the worst way possible. The one thing that it wasn't, was healthy.

They did it all wrong, from the very beginning, all the way until now. They fucked it up spectacularly and Hope had no idea how to fix it.

She didn’t even know if she even wanted to fix it. Not after tonight.

“It’s time we finally look at this for what it truly is: a mistake I’ll forever regret making.”

Hope had seen Josie angry before and hurt, both emotionally and physically. She had seen that look on the girl’s face before. It was there when Penelope left, it was there when Josie met and lost her biological mom on the same day… Hope saw and felt the hurt Josie was feeling those times.

It poured out of her entire body.

It stared at Hope in the form of deep deep brown eyes and she hated it, every second of it, because it meant Josie was sad and all Hope ever wanted for her was happiness, but she still found it beautiful - in the most melancholic way - and she was never, not once, scared of it.

Never intimidated by it and never the cause of it.

Not until now.

Hope never thought it would come the day that look would be directed at her. She never thought she would be the one hurting Josie, the one causing the sadness she so devotedly used to fight against.

“It’s time we finally look at this for what it truly is: a mistake I’ll forever regret making.”

Despite how messy things had gotten, Hope never thought she would say those things to Josie. She knew she was capable of it, she just never believed she would purposely choose her words with the solemn goal to hurt Josie.

“It’s time we finally look at this for what it truly is: a mistake I’ll forever regret making.”

But most of all, Hope never thought she would feel numb about it.

Yes, she was mad and disappointed … At herself. She hated it when her anger got the best of her, when it controlled her, but towards Josie, she felt… Nothing.

No. Not nothing.

Hope felt the absence of nothing, as if there was an endlessly void where Josie once was.

All the sadness she tried to escape from for the last two weeks was now gone.

The love was still there, Hope wasn’t optimistic enough to think it would ever go away, but it felt distant somehow. It felt out of reach - and she was weirdly ok with it.

She didn’t want to go anywhere near that feeling. She didn’t want to love Josie Saltzman anymore. She didn’t want to feel sad anymore.

Just like Josie, Hope just wanted to… run.

She knew she couldn't, though, but it didn't stop her from trying.

Lizzie woke up with the worst hangover of her life and yet she still looked more alive than Josie.

(Even a corpse would look more alive than Josie.)

“I need aspirins. I need water. I need… medical attention.” Lizzie’s voice came out muffled. The pillow she was currently burying her face into making it harder for Josie to understand her.

“What?”

“Hangover, Josie. Head hurts. Need medicine.”

Josie rolled her eyes. “Don’t be dramatic.”

Lizzie sat up, throwing her pillow at her with all of the remaining strength she had. She smiled when it hit Josie’s head.

“What was that for?”

“A lot of things. All of which I’m too unwell to get into now.”

Josie turned to face her. “What are you talking about?”

Lizzie lied back down, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. Her head was already hurting too much, moving her eyes sounded like torture.

“Later, Jo. Later.”

A week went by and said “later” never happened.

Everytime Lizzie mentioned Hope’s name, Josie changed the subject. Her whole demeanor became defensive and her eyes turned darker with what Lizzie only assumed were clouds of bad bad feelings.

She thought about just blurting out: “I know you’re cheating on Finch with Hope.”, “I know about you and Hope.” or her personal favorite: “I know you and Hope are fucking each other.”

But she never got the courage to actually do it. Not even her was capable of being that cruel, not when it was about her sister.

Which is why Lizzie decided to focus her efforts on the other part of the infamous couple.

The almighty tribrid: Hope Andrea Mikaelson.

Who, by the way, didn’t seem at all affected by the fight Josie and her had. At least, the fight Lizzie assumed they had - It was honestly the only thing she could come up with to explain Josie’s behavior and her lack of will to live, but with every passing day, Lizzie grew more and more confused about the whole thing.

Why was Josie looking so down and borderline mournful while Hope looked as nonchalant and as composed as ever?

It didn’t make sense to Lizzie, but she wasn’t surprised it didn’t. Nothing about Hope and Josie would ever make sense to her and not because them liking each other was news to her.

Because it wasn’t.

Lizzie knew Josie had a thing for Hope ever since they were kids and Hope did tell her she had a crush on Josie at some point in time.

It was really just a matter of time until they got together.

The weird and confusing part of it all was why in hell they were not together and why was Josie still with Finch.

Something about all of that just felt off and Lizzie hated when things felt off. She needed it to know what was happening and she was tired of waiting for Josie to leave sorrow town and bounce back to life.

And so she was left with Hope.

The tribrid would never be Lizzie’s first choice, but desperate times call for desperate measures and Lizzie was desperate.

At every other time Josie got upset about something or someone, she usually came back to normal after a day or two, but it had already been one week - actually three if she were to count the time before Jed's party and Lizzie was starting to get worried about her.

She was used to bitter and depressive Josie, but this time something felt different. Josie didn't look just angry or sad, she looked... Empty and about to explode all at the same time. Lizzie could feel it through their twin bond and she didn't like it at all.

There was an ever lasting heaviness surronding Josie and if Lizzie was feeling suffocaded by it, she couldn't even imagine how Josie was feeling.

Lizzie needed to find a way to fix it as soon as possible, but she couldn't do that without first knowing what needed to be fixed.

She needed answers, but she knew Hope well enough to know that getting any sort of information out of her wouldn’t be easy. She was painfully aware of that, so much so that she anticipated all the immediate obstacles she could have.

Hope denying, lying. Hope trying to punch her way out of it. Hope plainly refusing to answer her questions… Lizzie thought of it all and she had a plan for all of it. She even asked MG to take Josie out for the day, so she could talk to Hope without any disturbances, but as she made her way to Hope’s bedroom, she never ever thought her greatest obstacle would turn out to be Maya Machado.

Maya. The human girl who she hadn’t seen for at least a year and who was now naked and on top of Hope.

“Oh my fucking God.” Lizze all but yelled, closing the door as fast as she could.

“Lizzie!?” Hope asked from inside of the bedroom, sounding of course, out of breath. “Unfortunately, yes.”

Hope opened the door, closing it behind her in the next second. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” Lizzie tried her best to keep her voice down, but it came out more like a yell than anything else. “What are you doing there? With- with her.”

“Nothing that concerns you.”

“Nothing that- Fuck you. Of course it concerns me.” Lizze scoffed. “What about Josie?” She lowered her voice at that last part.

Hope’s face lost all of its color. On any other day, Lizzie would laugh at how pale she had gotten and how fast it happened.

“What does Josie have to do with this?”

“Are you really gonna play dumb right now? Really?” Lizzie asked, putting all of her frustration behind her every word, but before Hope could answer, Maya opened the door.

“Hey…” Lizzie watched in disbelief as the girl’s hand went from Hope’s arm to her hand, Interlacing their fingers together. “It’s getting late, I should go.”

Lizzie was ready to say “Yes, you should.” but Hope shut her up with one look. The blonde rolled her eyes.

“You don’t have to. Lizzie was just leaving.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll come by tomorrow, if that’s ok?” Hope nodded and smiled. She actually smiled. Lizzie wanted to throw up and when Maya kissed Hope’s cheek she almost did.

“That was… Disgusting.” She said after the girl left. “You’re cheating on my sister and you don’t even have the decency to try and hide it.”

“Cheating!? Lizzie- Get in here.” Hope grabbed her arm, pulling her inside of the bedroom. “What are you talking about?”

Lizzie pulled her arm back. “I know about you and Josie.”

“Me and Josie?” Hope slowly asked as she locked the door. Lizzie nodded. “And don’t you try to deny it.”

“I’m not denying anything because there’s nothing to deny, Lizzie.”

“Really?” Lizzie stared down at her. “So answer me this: Did you or did you not fucked my sister behind everyone’s back?”

“Yes, I did.” Hope’s eyes widened as she heard the words leaving her mouth, but she couldn’t stop them.

“I knew it.”

“Why did I just say that?” Hope’s question was directed more at herself than at Lizzie, but hearing Hope’s confusion only made the blonde’s mischievous smile grow wider. Hope turned around just in time to see it happening. “Lizzie… Tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.”

“Yes, I put truth weed in your juice at dinner. Sue me.” Hope almost strangled her. “I fucking hate you sometimes.”

“The feeling is mutual. Now, tell me.” Lizzie sat down on Hope’s bed, crossing her legs in the most dramatic way she could manage. “Why were you having sex with Maya if you are with my sister?”

“I’m not with Josie.”

“But you just said-” Hope cut her off. “I said we have had sex, not that we are having sex. Because we are not.”

“You are not?”

“No.”

“But you were?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you no longer fucking my sister?”

“Can you please stop saying fucking?”

“No.”

“Lizzie.”

“Ok. Fine.”

“Thank you.”
…

...

...

“So?”

“What?” Hope asked with a tired sigh. “What happened between you two? Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you guys lie to everyone? Why is Josie still with Finch?”

“Lizzie…”

“What happened at Jed's party?”

“Lizzie.”

“Why are you with Maya? What are you doing with Maya? Why are you two-” Hope physically shut her up. “Stop.”

Lizzie rolled her eyes, pushing Hope’s hand away from her mouth. “I’ll stop when you start answering me.”

“How did you even find out about all of this?” Hope asked, still confused and getting more overwhelmed by the second.

Lizzie took a deep breath before speaking. “Long story short, I caught Josie on a lie when Finch called one night. I didn’t know who she was with, but it became pretty obvious she was cheating. After that it was just a matter of time until I found out it was with you. Your decision to ghost her helped, but what truly gave you away was how you ran after her at Jed’s party, like a lovesick idiot.”

Hope decided to ignore that last comment, knowing that if she didn’t, she would have to explain to Dr. Saltzman why his daughter’s head was detached from her body and she was not in the mood for that.

“But I wasn’t sure, not until now.” Lizzie spoke again. “So thank you for that.”

“Great.”

Hope started to massage her temples. She didn’t know if tribrids could have headaches, but she was sure she was moments away from finding out.

“Hope?”

“Yes?”

“I’m waiting. What happened?” Hope raised her head, meeting the girl’s gaze. “So fucking much.” The tribrid said, withholding a more tired sigh than the one she had let out before.

Lizzie didn’t think she had ever heard Hope’s sound that... Defeated.

The next time she spoke, her voice came out softer. “Did you guys break up?”

“Yes and no.” Hope spoke after accepting the truth weed wouldn’t let her ignore Lizzie’s questions. She hated that feeling. It was like her words were not her own anymore. She couldn’t control them, but trying to fight it was worse. “We were never dating, so, no. But things between us did end, so, yes.”

“Why?”

“Because she has a girlfriend, Lizzie.”

“C’mon, Hope. That didn’t stop you two from starting this, do you seriously want me to believe that was the reason, the only reason, why it ended?”

At that moment, Hope promised herself she would burn all of the truth weed from the school’s garden. Maybe from the world.

“It was not the only reason.” She reluctantly admitted. Lizzie kept looking at her, waiting for her to continue. “But it was part of it. Lying to everyone, hiding all the time- It wouldn’t work for much longer, so we decided to stop.”

“At Jed’s party?”

“No. After your birthday party.”

“Wait, wait. Wait a minute.” Hope could almost see the engines going into overload inside of Lizzie’s brain. “If you broke up then, what the fuck happened last week?”

Hope took another deep deep breath. She doubted it would be her last. “You will never drop this, will you?”

“No.”

“Fine.” Hope pulled a chair from below her desk, sitting now in front of Lizzie, looking nothing but resigned. “I hadn’t seen Josie since we ended it all, but after she talked to you, she asked me to meet her here and we talked.”

“Talked? Or argued?”

“Both, I guess.” Hope shrugged. “Then we ended things again, and I left.”

Lizzie furrowed her eyebrows, eyeing Hope up and down in silence. “And Maya?”

“What about her?”

“That’s what I’m asking you. What about her? What is she to you?”

“She’s my friend.”

“Naked friend.”

“Lizzie.”

“Sorry.”

“She’s visiting Ethan. I ran into her this week and we started hanging out.”

“Naked.”

“Lizzie!”

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll stop.” Hope rolled her eyes. “No, you won’t.”

“No, I won’t.” She said with a smile. “But are you guys a thing now?”

“No. It’s not like that. Tonight was just the second time I saw her and I-” Hope stopped talking. “I don’t need to tell you this. I don’t need to explain myself to you. Why am I explaining myself to you?”

“Truth weed.” Lizzie reminded her, still smiling. Hope again fought the urge to kill her. “Right. Of course.”

“So Maya is basically your rebound?” Lizzie’s accusatory tone was not lost to Hope. “I don’t know. Maybe. I just… I wanted to move on, I needed to.” Hope almost whispered the last part, her voice sounding more throatly than she intended to, but if Lizzie noticed, she didn’t say.

The blonde seemed more concerned with staring down at Hope once again.

“What, Lizzie?”

“That’s it?” Lizzie asked unimpressed. “You and Josie argued, ended things that were, allegedly, already over, you left, decided to move on and started to study the monologues of Maya’s pussy?”

“Lizzie!”

“Hope!”

“Do you have to make everything sound so dirty all the time?”

“Fine.” Lizzie uncrossed her legs. “Maya’s vagina.”

Hope rolled her eyes. “You’re insufferable.”

“Look who’s talking. I never heard so much bullshit come out of your mouth like I have in the last 10 minutes.” Lizzie got up, pointing her finger at Hope as if she was talking to a child who had misbehaved. “Tell me the truth, why are you not with Josie?”

“Because she doesn't want to.” Hope blurted the words out. Almost vomiting them as she spoke. “And before you ask me why, I don’t fucking know. All I know is that when I asked her, she said it was complicated and she refused to explain why. It’s like- It’s like she’s hiding something and I gave up on trying to figure out what it is.” Hope finished talking with a sigh.

Lizzie said nothing at first and then she decided to slap Hope in the face.

(Metaphorically, of course.)

“Do you love her?”

Hope cursed the truth weed like she had never cursed anyone or anything in her entire existence.

“Yes.”

“Ok.”

“Ok what?”

“I’m going to find out what Josie’s hiding.” Lizzie said with a sense of finality that made Hope question if she should be afraid or terrified. Or both.

Chapter Text

It had been 7 months since Malivore was defeated, Josie realized when she saw the date that morning.

She checked the calendar twice more, just to be sure. It still somehow felt like it all happened yesterday.

Rescuing Cleo, saving Landon, stopping Hope-

Just thinking what could’ve happened if Hope had actually turned still terrified Josie.

Regardless of how fucked up their relationship had gotten, at least she knew Hope was there. They weren’t speaking to each other, Hope probably hated her now and Josie still had no idea what to do about all of that, but at least she knew Hope was safe.

The same wouldn’t be true if they had followed their initial plan. If Hope had become the tribrid, If she had to kill Malivore, if she had to kill Landon…

Josie had spent more time thinking about those “if’s” than she liked to admit and in every scenario she could think of, the end result was either tremendously depressive or immensely violent.

The one “if” Josie was still unsure about the ending, the one she hadn't decided how it made her feel, was the one where she and Hope had never gotten together. The one where they stayed friends. And nothing more.

Would it have been for the best?

Was kissing Hope back all those months ago such a terrible mistake?

Should she look for a time traveling spell to change the past?

Did those even exist?

Should she create one?

…

But even if it did exist, even if it was possible to create one, who was she trying to fool?

Josie didn’t think she was physically capable of not kissing Hope. She could be a tribrid, a vampire, a freakin vampire-dragon hybrid like Kaleb… Hell, Hope could be Malivore and Josie would still kiss her back like her life depended on it.

The only way for Josie to not have kissed her, was if the possibility had never been presented to her in the first place.

If Landon hadn’t left again, If Lizzie hadn’t convinced Hope to go to that party, If she and Hope hadn’t drank as much they did…

Maybe then Hope wouldn’t have kissed her. Maybe then, they would still be friends.

And maybe, just maybe, Josie wouldn’t want to set herself on fire every time she saw Hope in the hallway.

“This is getting ridiculous.” Lizzie said as she closed their doorm’s door. Josie tore her eyes away from Hope’s back.

Hope.

Who had just walked past her as if Josie was just another painting on the wall - one that was either not interesting enough to catch the girl’s attention and too ordinary to even be acknowledged by her.

Maybe both.

“Jo?”

“Sorry, what?” Whether or not her voice came out higher than she intended was just how her voice always sounded like in the morning and not because of any other reason.

“Whitmore.”

“What about it?” Josie asked, confused. “You didn’t hear a word of what I was saying, did you?”

Josie considered denying it. Pretending to listen to Lizzie was basically second nature to her at this point, but this time she really had no idea what her sister was saying. “No, I’m sorry.”

The blonde rolled her eyes. “Of course you didn’t.” Josie thought she saw Lizzie smiling, but it was gone before she could be sure. “I said, angrily , that me, Jed, MG and those awful cheerleaders from Mystic Falls high have all already got into Whitmore, but you still haven’t heard anything back and it’s getting ridiculous.”

Oh.

Josie stopped walking, purposely facing the dining hall's door instead of Lizzie’s face. “About that…”

“What?” Lizzie asked nonchalantly. Josie took a deep breath. “Please don’t tell anyone, please, please, please-”

Lizzie’s eyes grew wider. “You got in????”

“Yes.” Josie said, slowly. “But before you go around yelling and freaking out, I don’t know yet if I’m going to go and I don’t want mom and dad to know until I decide what I’m gonna do.”

Lizzie stared at her, her expression going from mildly confused to extremely confused in less than 2 seconds.

“Why?”

Josie looked down. “I- Honestly, I don’t know. I’m just not sure if college is where I wanna go now.”

Lizzie opened her mouth twice, but no words came out.

“Liz?”

Again, nothing. Josie wondered if she had broken her.

“Lizzie. Say something.”

“I’m too stunned to speak.” Josie rolled her eyes. “No, really.” Lizzie spoke again. “You are not sure if you want to go to college? It's you. You’ve been talking about college ever since we were 7…”

“Lizzie-”

“... I’m sorry if I’m surprised that all of sudden you've decided you don’t want to go anymore.”

“I didn’t say I don’t want to go…” Josie spoke again, making her way to their usual table. “I’m just not sure if I want to go right now.”

Lizzie sat down in front of her. “And I repeat: why?”

“I haven’t decided anything yet.” Josie said, dismissively. Lizzie didn’t fail to notice she didn’t answer her question. “But the important thing is: I don’t want you to tell mom and dad yet. Especially Mom. Ok?”

“Ok.” Lizzie nodded, literally biting her tongue, pushing down all of the questions she wanted to ask.

Josie wouldn’t answer any of them, anyways.

Just like she hadn’t answered any of Lizzie’s questions about Hope. Or Jed’s party. Or why their bedroom’s windows were cracked. Or how-

“Thank you.” Josie said.

Lizzie didn’t answer her, not verbally, but she did stab a strawberry with more strength than advised.

Whether or not she pretended it was her sister’s head in its place was a secret she would take with her to her grave.

Hope heard Lizzie’s voice before actually seeing her.

“I hate your girlfriend.”

She thought about rolling her eyes at that, but in order to do so she would have to open them and that was the last thing Hope wanted to do.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.”

Lizzie sat down on the couch next to her, taking the joint from Hope’s hand. “I hate your ex-girlfriend.”

“Don’t have one of those either.”

Lizzie rolled her eyes putting all her anger and annoyance behind the action. “I’m sorry. I meant: I hate my sister. You know her, brunette, brown eyes, also known as your former lover, the other half of the infamous and illicit couple you were also a part of. Josie is her name, remember her? you used to f-”

“Ok, ok. I get it. You hate Josie.”

“Yes, I do. She’s insufferable, she refuses to talk to me and when she does, all that comes out of her mouth are lies.”

Hope opened her eyes, only half listening to Lizzie. Her attention focused on watching the smoke filling out the air around them.

“...And now she’s just decided not to go to college and she-” That got Hope’s mind to refocus. “Wait, what?”

“She said she’s not sure about Whitmore anymore.” Hope let Lizzie hit the joint one last time before taking it away from her. She blew out twice before speaking again. "That 's…"

Weird. Alarming. Unusual. Concerning.

Hope scolded her own mind to stop. Josie was no longer her problem. She wasn’t.

That was over.

“... None of my business.”

Lizzie ignored her.

“You were right. She’s definitely hiding something, but don’t worry about it. I’m gonna get to the bottom of this.”

“Lizzie…” Hope sat down. “I told you, I don’t want you to do any of that.”

“And I told you, I don’t care about what you want.” Her tone was serious but she was smiling. If it was because of the weed or just smugness Hope wasn’t sure. “Whatever it is, it’s not just about you, and if it’s affecting or causing her to reconsider college of all things, I just- I need to know why.”

Hope tossed the joint to the ground, crushing it under her boot and fighting the urge to take another one. “I’m too sober for this.” She murmured.

“Oh, c’mon Hope.” Lizzie scoffed in disbelief. “Drop the act. I know you are just as worried as I am.”

Hope got up. “It’s not an act. When I say it’s none of my business, I mean it. Because it isn't.”

Lizzie narrowed her eyes, wondering, not for the first time if she could get away with punching Hope in the face without breaking her wrist.

“Fine. You don’t care about Josie anymore, you’ve moved on. You’re over her. She means nothing to you.” The mockery in Lizzie’s voice was tangible. She was so fucking tired of those two.

First Josie not only being evasive and avoiding her every question, but actually believing Lizzie was falling for her stupid stupid lies. Then Hope, that freaking love sick idiot of a tribrid, who was going out of her way to pretend Josie didn’t matter to her anymore when it was clear to everyone who had eyes that she was just as miserable as Josie was.

It was so annoying. They were so fucking annoying.

“Lizzie-”

“Don’t Lizzie me, Mikaelson.” She moved out of the couch, standing now in front of Hope. “You two are annoying me more than usual today. And that’s saying a lot.”

And then, she left.

Hope sighed, telling herself that she shouldn't, she wouldn't hex Lizzie.

Hexing Lizzie, although oh so tempting, was wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

It was wrong.

Mentally repeting it as if it was a mantra, Hope lit her second joint, laying back down on the couch as she did so.

She didn’t close her eyes this time, instead, as the smoke filled her lungs, she stared at the ceiling, waiting, praying for the effects of the weed to kick in soon.

She hated smoking, she hated the smell of it, the way it lingered on her hands even after she washed them, but apart from shifting, that was the only thing she knew it worked when she needed to stop her mind from thinking.

And Hope really, really didn’t want to think.

About anything. About anyone.

Not about brown, tearful eyes, looking at her, or long long legs around her hips and pouty lips… No. She wouldn’t think about any of that. Much less about how much she missed the feeling of said lips against her own-

“Fuck.” Hope murmured under the breath. “Fucking hell.”

The next time she smoked, she inhaled deeper than ever before, hoping as she breathed out that everything haunting her could burn along with the weed.

(...)

It took her less than a minute to realize her efforts were useless.

And so, Hope decided to turn to the second best thing.

“Hey you.”

“Hey. Are you busy right now?”

Maya’s answer came with a smile. “For you? Never.”

Lizzie slammed the door behind her as she entered her, unsurprisingly, empty room.

Because of course it was empty.

Ever since Josie decided to spend every waking moment with Finch, in what Lizzie could only guess was her sister’s latest, lamest and most useless attempt to get over Hope, their bedroom was always empty.

“Idiot. Idiot. Stupid idiot.”

Both of them. Hope and Josie were fucking idiots.

But that was their problem.

The mess they made of their love lives was the furthest thing from Lizzie’s mind in the moment.

She won’t deny it, she did want to play cupid for a while there.

(She was bored, she can’t be blamed for it.)

And yes, fixing their relationship might have been what first caught her attention and sparked her interest. But no more.

Not ever since Lizzie realized things were more serious than she initially thought they were.

(They must be if Josie was choosing Finch of all people over Hope.)

Maybe it was a Malivore monster. She thought to herself. One with mind controlling powers.

Maybe it was part of a new villain's master plan to destroy all supernatural beings by turning each one of them into fucking monrons as a way to make killing them easier. If that was the case, they had obviously started with Josie and Hope.

That would explain a lot.

Or maybe they had started with Lizzie, mind controlling her to kill Hope and Josie.

That would explain a lot, too. For instance, all of her recent homicidal impulses towards the both of them.

Or maybe, the pot she smoked was finally kicking it.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Who could be sure?

Lizzie laid down on her bed, burying her face in the pillow. If she used it to muffle her yelling, it was just a fun, silly way of letting her emotions out and not her frustration and anger getting the best of her.

“Pull yourself together, Elizabeth.” She said out loud. “You can do this. You can figure this out.”

Lizzie had promised herself she wouldn’t use magic to get Josie to talk. Using it on Hope was one thing, but Josie was her sister, she wouldn’t do that to her.

But again, Josie was her sister. Going through her things was Lizzie’s birthright.

She hadn’t done that yet, though, and not because she hadn’t thought about it. Because she had. A lot. Constantly. All the time.

The one thing that had stopped her was hoping Josie would decide for herself to tell her.

But well, that obviously didn’t happen.

“Fuck it.”

Lizzie got up.

Chapter Text

“Are you busy right now?”

Maya’s answer came with a smile. “For you? Never.”

She pushed the door open, inviting Hope in with a nod of her head.

“What do you have in mind?”

“A few things.” Hope smirked, eyes traveling Maya’s body up and down as she spoke. “Such as?”

When Hope pulled her closer, instead of answering, Maya laughed, but she did nothing to stop it.

Hope’s lips were on hers less than a second later.

It was only when the girl pulled away, that Maya realized how weird her eyes were. And how dilated her pupils were-

“Hope Mikaelson, are you high?”

Hope was the one laughing now. “Maybe.”

“It’s not even 10 am, Hope.” Maya said in disbelief, although Hope’s laugh was causing her to smile along with her. “I woke up earlier.”

“What does this have to do with anything?”

“It means that…” Hope’s hold on her waist got tighter. “... Because I woke up almost 2 hours earlier than I’m used to, 10 am to me it’s like past noon.”

Maya stared at Hope.

“Two hours earlier… Two hours later… It’s basic math.” Hope tried to explain again. Maya shook her head. “No, no. I got it. But it still makes no sense.”

“It does.”

“No, Hope, it really does not.” Maya tried her best not to laugh again. “But it’s ok. High you is still cute.” She said, tucking a strand of hair behind the girl's ear.

“Well…As long as I’m cute...” Hope’s tone was sarcastic, but Maya chose to ignore it, kissing Hope was a much more interesting idea to her than discussing math.

This time the fading taste of whatever it was that she had smoked didn’t go unnoticed by Maya, but she decided she didn’t hate it.

Far from it.

Lizzie sat down on the floor, her back resting against her bed, as she stared at the notebook in front of her.

Josie’s diary.

It was different from the one she had the year before.

This one was blue. Her older one was green.

This one had a matching strap on it, the other didn’t.

And this one, unlike the green one, was full of dark magic. Dripping with it, actually.

Lizzie could feel it radiating through the cover - like waves. Just touching it sent electric shocks across her back and up and down her arms and legs.

She knew Josie wouldn’t just leave her diary there without protection, but dark magic? Really?

Because Josie and dark magic was such a good combination.

Lizzie took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself to siphon it all out, but as she started it, feeling the familiar pull of magic in her palms, she realized something wasn’t right.

She stopped.

Siphoning dark magic was painful, it burned. But what she felt touching the notebook was light - nothing more than glamor and illusion spells.

What the fuck?

Lizzie resumed siphoning, flipping through the pages this time. Josie did put a spell on each one, front and back, which honestly was a little over the top in Lizzie’s opinion, but apart from that, there was nothing unusual about them.

The black magic wasn’t on the notebook, but Lizzie could still feel it, surrounding it somehow? Or inside of it?

She tried siphoning one more time.

At first, Lizzie felt nothing. It was as if she was siphoning ar, but then-

It burned.

The diary fell open in her lap. Its pages were the same as before, but she could see now that something was tucked in between them.

It looked like pages out of a… grimoire?

No.

There were definitely spells written on them, but it didn’t look like the grimoires Lizzie had seen before. They looked more like ripped pages from an old journal-

But whose?

Lizzie looked closer.

And then, in the messiest handwriting Lizzie had ever seen:

It was clearly a spell.

Lizzie tried reading it out loud, but nothing happened.

She was about to try again when the burning sensation in the back of her head made her vision blurry.

She choked.

Her hands went to her mouth.

God.

Lizzie barely had time to run to the bathroom, before the black, thick essency of the magic she siphoned came rushing through her throat.

Hope pulled her head back, smirking, her fingers slipping out of Maya as the girl fought to control her breath.

“Fuck me.”

Hope’s smirk turned into laughter.

“Well…” She climbed up Maya’s body, laying down next to her on the bed. “I kinda just did that.”

“Shut up.” Maya said with a roll of her eyes, a tired and content smile still in her lips. She lifted herself up by her elbow, eyes traveling up and down Hope’s naked body. “It’s my turn.” She smiled mischievously as her lips eagerly found the tribrid’s.

Hope came with a moan not long after that, her hands desperately grabbing the sheets beneath her and her mind still clouded as Maya collapsed by her side.

Even though the effects of the weed had subsided a while ago, she still felt somewhat high.

If she had to guess, though, it had more to do with Maya’s fingers and mouth than with the drugs she had smoked earlier, but she wasn’t complaining about it. Not at all.

It felt good. Amazing even.

It wouldn’t last forever, far from it, but succeedly avoiding thinking about Josie - for however fleeting - was already a win in her book.

And sex with Maya was a much better option than weed. That’s for sure.

Did that make the girl her so-called rebound like Lizzie had said? Yes.

Hope felt guilty about it? Yes. Kinda. Yes.

She was still trying to come up with the courage to talk to Maya about it? Yes.

Was she avoiding that conversation for the past week like it was the plague? Yes. Definitely.

But well.

Maya hadn’t brought up the subject, either. So.

She could wait a little longer.

“You know…” Maya said, getting up. Hope watched her as she tried to find her clothes on the floor. “Ethan told me the pack is throwing a party tonight.”

“Yeah… Jed decided he would throw as many parties as he can before he goes off to college.” Hope reached under the pillow she was lying her head on, grabbing Maya’s shirt with one hand. “Here.”

“Thanks.” The girl said with a smile, taking it from Hope’s hands. “No problem.” Hope got up herself, looking for her own clothes. “But yeah, this will be the third one this week. Or the fourth. I don’t even know anymore. I just went to one.”

She was half way through putting her pants back on, when she realized Maya must be waiting for an invite from her.

Oh.

“I was gonna ask you if you were going to go.” Fuck. “Ethan said he wanted me to get to know his… Friends? Pack? Mates?” Hope laughed at that. “Them.” Maya summed up with a chuckle.

Hope, now fully clothed, walked to where the girl was sitting on the bed. “I truly was not planning on going…”

“Please, please, please, be a good friend and help me bond with a bunch of werewolves I know nothing about. Please.”

Wait. She said “friend”.

Thank God.

Hope almost let out a sigh of relief.

“When you say it like that…”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes.”

Getting to witness Maya’s celebratory dance was worth having to endure another Jed’s party, Hope decided, laughing at the girl’s far too excited “yay”.

Lizzie eyed the pages on the floor from where she was sitting on her bed. She knew the magic could only hurt her if she tried to siphon it again, but she needed to put some distance between her and that, whatever that was.

She had felt dark magic before when she siphoned it from Josie during her dark dark days. She had also felt its effects through Josie, but it had never felt that horrible… Or deadly.

She honestly believed if death had a taste, she had just felt it. And she could still feel it, no matter how many times she had already brushed her teeth trying to get rid of it.

Lizzie had no idea who those pages belonged to, but one thing she knew for sure, whoever wrote that, although, viciously powerful, was also truly fucked up in the head and she didn’t want to go near it again, at least not today.

Not when her head was still pounding and she felt like shit.

Instead, she focused on Josie’s diary.

Lizzie turned the page. She didn’t need to read about that.

Lizzie turned the page faster.

Huh. Really?

“No. No. Don’t need to read that.” Lizzie said it out loud.

Lizzie almost gave up on reading after that. She knew Josie’s thing for Hope was borderline obsessive but c’mon, couldn’t she write about anything else for a change?

Well. At least she had the decency to feel bad about that, Lizzie thought to herself.

YES.

Lizzie stared at the paper.

Mourn?

The merge?

What the fuck?

She was about to go back to reading when a ripped piece of pieper caught her eye. It was still Josie’s handwriting, but more hasty than usual.

Lizzie read it again, then again. But it still made no sense to her, and she was left more confused than she already was.

She looked at the piece of paper again.

The lines were different, meaning Josie took it out from another notebook. Maybe the green one?

Lizzie looked around the room.

Where was it?

She was ready to trash the room in order to find it, but a knock on the door stopped her.

“Lizzie?” Josie’s voice almost gave her a heart attack. “Why did you lock the door?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Shit, shit, shit.

“I’m changing. Give me a minute.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Shit, shit, shit. Fuck.

Her hands were shaking, her heart was beating so fast she could almost hear it.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Shit, fuck, shit, shit. Fuck. Fuck.

“Lizzie. Let me in.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Shit, shit, shit.

“Just a second.”

Lizzie waved her hand, sending Josie’s journal back to where she found it, the pages from hell with it, but she didn’t have time to re-do the spells she took down.

Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

Murmuring a spell at the last minute, she changed her clothes, before opening the door.

“Sorry. I was trying to decide what to wear.”

Josie got in.

“You look pale.” Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Are you ok?”

Think, think, think. Fuck.

“Cramps. I was just about to go to the pharmacy.”

“Oh. Ok. Do you want me to go with you?”

“No, no. Thanks. I’ll see you later.”

“Ok. Let me know if you need anything.”

Lizzie was out of the room before she even finished talking.

She locked herself in the first empty classroom she could find, resting her back against the wall with the deepest sigh coming out of her lips.

Her mind was spiraling. Her breath was still erratic and now she could really hear her heart beating, each beat worsening her already annoying headache.

“Fuck. Fuck. What the fuck?” She murmured to herself.

Who the hell was Valerie? What was the merge? Why was Josie hiding this from everyone?

What the actual fuck was happening?

Who did that diary from hell use to belong to? How and why Josie had it?

Again: what the actual fuck was happening?

Lizzie wouldn’t be surprised if she passed out anytime soon. Honestly. She was kind of expecting it, but against her better judgment she pushed herself off the wall.

She needed to breathe, calm down and think of a way to confront Josie about all that. She also needed to find out more about it all.

She needed to finish reading Josie’s diary.

Why did she decide to come back home earlier today of all days? Why?

Wait.

Why did she decide to come back home earlier today?

What was Lizzie forgetting?

What?

What?

What?

Oh. Jed’s party.

Lizzie breathed out in relief.

God bless that boy.

She really needed to get drunk tonight. Maybe her drunk self could find out why the fuck her sister was messing with dark objects and hiding weird and old pages from strangers journals.

Maybe.

Chapter Text

Lizzie had only one goal tonight:

Get drunk.

Extremely, out of her mind, wasted.

(And maybe get Josie to stay out of their room long enough so she could finish reading that journal of hers.)

But only after she got drunk. Not before. She wouldn’t do anything before that.

Lizzie refused to think about any secret spell or cursed diary, or whatever that shit was, while sober.

So what if her head was still pounding and getting drunk was a terrible idea? So what if there was a huge chance Josie would feel the pain too and get suspicious? So fucking what?

Lizzie honestly didn’t care anymore.

She still very much cared about finding out what was going on, but everything else other than? The secrecy of it all? She was done with it.

She wasn’t about to go to Josie and tell her she knew about Hope and her, nor was she eager to confess that she had read her journal, but if Josie asked her, she wouldn’t lie.

Lizzie doubted that Josie would do that, anyways.

Her sister was too busy moping over Hope and fooling herself with that poor excuse of a relationship she had going on with Finch to notice anything else.

What was that about anyways?

Lizzie wasn’t Finch’s biggest fan, but even she was feeling sorry for the girl.

Josie was so clearly using her, it was painful to watch - but Lizzie wouldn’t worry about any of that tonight. She also wouldn’t worry or say anything about Hope and Maya and how disturbing the whole thing was.

Even if they were currently right in front of her, attesting to that.

It wasn’t that they were doing anything repulsively cute or obscene, because they weren’t. Maya had just finished her beer and Hope offered hers to her. That was all, they were just sharing a beer.

Lizzie had shared many beers with Hope, it was friendly and normal. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Except for Josie, who was looking at them as if she was seconds away from ripping Maya’s heart out with nothing but the will of her mind.

So, in reality, Hope and Maya were not the disturbing ones. Josie was. As fucking always.

“You’re staring.” Lizzie said. She almost laughed at how fast Josie’s head turned around. “What?”

“You. Are. Staring.” She said each word slowly. “At Hope and Maya and it’s weird, so please stop.”

“I’m not.” Lizzie raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “I just don’t understand what Maya is doing here.”

Lizzie tossed down the rest of her beer. “It’s a werewolf party. Her brother is a werewolf, so…”

“I know that. But I didn’t know Hope and her were such good friends.” Josie said, the jealousy in her voice not only noticeable but palpable. Lizzie stared at her, expressionless, with only one thought in her mind:

How the hell did Josie manage to hide that fucking affair for so long?

She was so obvious that Lizzie felt secondhand embarrassment for her.

“Hope barely spent a month in Mystic Falls High…” Josie spoke again. Still jealous. Still bitter.

Lizzie was about to answer, when an idea came to her.

“Well, they certainly know each other.” She said with a smirk. “What do you mean?”

Lizzie’s eyes shined with mischievousness. “I caught them together in Hope’s room days ago.” Her tone was dismissive, but she was fighting the urge to laugh. An evil laugh. “By the way, I had no idea Hope was a top.”

Josie’s face was the perfect picture of stoicism, but Lizzie saw her clenching her jaw. She was angry.

“They are…?”

“Sleeping together? Doing-the-deed? Yes.”

Josie didn’t answer, instead she drank in one single gulp what used to be a full bottle of beer.

Lizzie wished she knew a spell to read Josie’s mind, it sure as hell would make her laugh now.

“That’s great.” Josie said after a long, long pause, during which Lizzie asked herself again:

How the hell did she manage to hide that fucking affair for so long?

It wasn't longer after that that Josie left to grab more drinks for them and came back with a bottle of bourbon. A familiar one, that resembled a lot the ones their father had in his office, but Lizzie didn’t complain.

If Josie wanted to drink their father’s expensive alcohol, she would gladly join her. It was way better than Jed’s beer, that was for sure.

Besides, in the best case scenario, Josie would get drunk, make a scene, yell at Hope and the cat would finally be out of the bag.

Worst case, she would do no such thing, but still serve as Lizzie’s drink buddy.

And Lizzie was more than ok with that. Any of that.

MG didn’t plan on going to Jed’s party. For one, Jed was throwing so many parties in such a short period of time that MG was getting tired of them.

He already saw everybody everyday, also seeing them every night was a bit much for him.

But more than that, he was tired of the drama.

See, being a vampire meant he took four, maybe five times as long to get drunk than everyone else, so no matter how much he drank, he was always sober than his friends. And he was fine with that, for the most part.

But the other perk of being a vampire was vampire hearing. Which often caused him to overhear their friend's drunk conversations and arguments.

Not by choice. Let's make that clear.

MG tried to block it all out and most days he was a pro at doing it, but adding alcohol to the mix made things a little bit more complicated, because controlling his hearing demanded concentration and he didn’t have much of it when he was drinking.

Which was how he found out about things he really didn’t want to know, for instance, how Maya, Ethan’s sister, wanted to get Hope “out of those clothes” and how Lizzie was “so horny” she could “even have sex with Jed.”

That one made him drink half of a bottle of wine in less than 10 seconds.

But what had truly astonished (and traumatized) MG, making him not want to go to a party again any time soon, was what happened the week before, when he - again, against his choice - overheard Hope telling how much of a mistake sleeping with Josie was.

MG almost decided to pledge alcohol abstinence after that. He didn’t go through with it, but he thought about it for a whole day.

What he did decide was to take a break from parties for a while.

He even said that to Jed when the werewolf invited him and he rally meant it.

That was until this morning when Ethan said that Maya and Hope were going to the party together.

He couldn’t care less about who Hope was sleeping with, but he had a feeling Josie wouldn’t be as indifferent.

And so, he went to the party, praying, hoping that his concerns were unfounded. To be honest, he wasn’t sure what they actually were about, he just had a feeling, a bad one, that Josie being in the same place as Hope and Maya, only a week after Hope and Josie had argued, was a terrible idea.

The hurt he heard in both of their voices… He had no idea what exactly happened, but it wasn’t good.

MG also had no idea what was going on between them but he didn’t need them to tell him. He was fine not knowing, he was fine keeping what he heard to himself.

He didn’t need to know to care.

Hope was one of his best friends, but so was Josie and he worried about them. Both of them.

He didn’t think Josie even knew about Hope and Maya, but he knew she hadn’t invited Finch, meaning she would either be alone and drunk, or with Lizzie and drunk.

Neither of those options sounded good to him.

“MG.” Lizzie called his name as soon as she saw him. He automatically smiled at her, walking to where she and Josie were. “Ladies, how are we doing tonight?”

“We are getting drunk.” Lizzie said, already buzzed. “Josie is pretending she’s not staring at Hope and Maya.”

Well, that was fast.

Josie rolled her eyes. “I am not.”

“Yes, you are.” MG didn’t fail to notice how Lizzie’s speech was slurred. “She’s jealous but I’m pretending I don’t know that.”

Josie smacked her arm. “Fuck you.”

MG looked at two of them, narrowing his eyes as if that would help him understand them. Josie didn’t sound angry, she just sounded… drunk.

And Lizzie making fun of Josie and Hope wasn’t new. It was basically her second nature, whether she was drunk or not, but now that he knew about Josie and Hope, he started to get suspicious.

Did Lizzie know? Did everybody know but him?

“I’m not jealous and I’m not staring.”

“Whatever you say, Jo.” Lizzie said dismissively before turning to MG. “MG, will you drink with us?.”

MG had planned not to drink, he came tonight with a purpose, a plan, but Lizzie was smiling at him, holding his hand and God her perfume was so good. What was he supposed to say? No?

“Of course.”

“I have a question.” Maya said, pulling away from Hope. “Why are the Saltzman twins staring at us?”

Hope raised a brow, but Maya didn’t think she looked surprised, just… annoyed?

“Don’t mind them.” She said, moving her hands back to their previous place on each side of Maya's hips at the same time as she pressed her lips deliciously against the girl's neck.

Maya closed her eyes instinctually, the feeling of Hope’s mouth and tongue almost successfully making her lose her train of thought.

Key-word being almost.

"You are trying to distract me." Hope moved to the other side of her neck. Maya fought the urge to close her eyes again. "I am not." The tribrid said, her breath tickling Maya’s skin as she spoke.

She forced herself to pull away again, not entirely, but enough so she could look Hope in the eyes. "Don't lie to me."

"“I’m not.” Hope repeated, smiling what Maya suspected was her drunken attempt of an innocent smile.

“Yes, you are.” Maya affirmed. Each word she said followed by a slap against Hope’s arm.

"Yes.” Slap. “You.” Slap. “Are.” Slap.

Hope didn’t deny this time.

“Is it working?”

Maya rolled her eyes. “Maybe.”

“Then why did you stop me?” Hope asked with a smirk, taking a sip of her beer right after.

“Because Josie and Lizzie are staring at us and it’s creeping me out.”

Hope took a much bigger sip this time. “Just ignore them, really.”

Huh. So there was something to ignore.

Maya narrowed her eyes, watching Hope more intensely, she was half expecting her to tell her she was imagining things. Apparently she wasn’t.

“Am I missing something? Cause it feels like I am.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Hope, c’mon, they didn’t take her eyes off of us ever since we arrived. Did I do something to them and don’t remember? Do they hate me or something?” Maya asked, truly confused.

On any other day she wouldn’t care about the opinions of people she didn’t really know, but those people mattered to Ethan and with everything that happened to him - Malivore mind controlling him, his werewolf curse being activated - Maya was trying to be a supportive sister and part of that was getting along with his new… Friends? Classmates? Supernatural new acquaintances?

All of the above?

She didn’t know the twins very well or at all, actually, but she knew Ethan had a thing for Lizzie and that Josie helped save him. She hadn’t asked how, honestly she didn’t want to know about how a freakin mudmen made her brother kill people, but she suspected it wasn’t something too easy to overcome.

Hence why she decided to incorporate the supportive sister role, but those two staring at her was starting to annoy the shit out of her.

“You didn’t do anything.” Hope said with a sigh. “Ok.. Then what’s happening? Are you in a love triangle with them or something?”

“God, no. No. That’s disgusting, Lizzie is like my sister.” Hope said defensively and suddenly Maya wasn’t annoyed anymore.

She was amused.

“...But not Josie?” She asked, smirking. Hope’s silence was all the answer she needed.

Maya’s smirk turned into a full laughter.

“Tell me you didn’t sleep with Josie Saltzman.”

“I didn’t sleep with Josie Satlzman”

“Now tell me the truth.” Hope closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “I slept with Josie Saltzman.”

Maya erupted into laughter again, but it was short-lived this time around. “Wait, wait. Isn’t she dating Finch Ferrayo?”

“Yes.”

Oh. Oh.

“Let me get this strai- Right. Let me get this right. I refuse to say straight right now. You had an affair with Josie?”

“Yes.”

Fuck.

“You and Josie had sex while she was dating Finch?”

Fuck.

“Yes- Why are you laughing again?”

Maya took a deep breath, trying to fill her lungs with enough air so she could speak. She stared at Hope, as serious as she could manage in that moment and said:

“Finch’s my ex.”

Hope didn’t say anything back, but Maya honestly didn’t think she needed to. Her expression said it all and it screamed a big fat ass and confused “what the fuck?”

“It’s like I’m living in a L word episode, but in a crossover with Supernatural.” Maya murmured to herself, laughing at Hope’s reaction.

“This is not- We’re not in a tv show, Maya.”

“Oh, really? Let’s recap ok?” She took another deep breath. “Josie, a witch, is dating Finch, my very human ex-girlfriend. You, a tribrid, are currently sleeping with me, a human with a werewolf gene, and if that wasn’t a treat in itself, you and Josie also hooked up. Tell me it doesn’t look like a L Word episode: supernatural edition, that is.”

“God, that’s- I didn’t need to make that connection. And no, we are not in the L word. We are in a very small town. That’s all.”

“So L word: virginia.” Maya deadpan stated.

This time Hope laughed.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“No, I don’t. But I do hate this town.”

Maya raised her beer, toasting with Hope’s. “Cheers to that, babe. Cheers to that.”

Josie always thought Hope was beautiful - and she knew other people thought the same. Not everyone, though, just those with, you know, eyes.

But honestly, how could they not? Hope was unquestionably gorgeous. Dashingly so.

Josie knew that, but knowing did nothing to ease her jealousy.

It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so fucking awfull. Or maybe she was just too sober to appreciate the irony of it all, but that would change soon.

Because what else can you do when you see your ex/former best friend(?) kissing your girlfriend’s ex?

Cry? Possibly, but Josie was too proud to do that in public.

Rip Maya’s heart out in rage? Also a great choice, but it wasn’t worth the consequences.

She did know the spell, though. She had been repeating it in her head for the last 20 minutes now.

But no. No.

She would not do that. That would be wrong - morally and ethically wrong.

And so, Josie drank, clutching her cup with more strength than she should, trying her best to ignore how the weight in her chest got heavier every time Maya got too close to Hope.

The thing was, Josie wasn’t a stranger to seeing Hope with someone else. It wasn’t anything new to her. She did spend almost three years having to watch her and Landon together, but somehow it felt worse now. Because now she knew how Hope’s lips tasted like, she knew how it felt to be held by her.

And now she wasn’t just jealous, she was envious and bitter. And so fucking miserable.

And the worst part of it all is that she knew it was all her own doing.

It was all her fault.

Hope was kissing someone else and she had no one to blame but herself.

Still, when Lizzie called her out on her staring, Josie denied it, even if she was aware of how obvious she was being at that moment. And at all the moments after that.

She didn’t try to stop, though, and she didn’t force herself to look away, but she did emptied a bottle of her Dad’s bourbon.

Her oficial excuse was the fight she had with Finch earlier, and it became her oficial excuse because that’s what she told MG when he asked why she seemed “so upset.”

It wasn’t entirely untrue, but she wasn’t upset about that. She wasn’t even angry at Finch, that fight was just the cherry on top of the giant pile of shit she was sitting at.

No. The thing that was truly upsetting was that Finch being angry at her meant she had no one to distract her tonight.

No safe place to run to, no hideaway. No anything - and it was fucking awfull. She was left with her own thoughts and she hated it.

Josie often questioned herself as to why she was still dating Finch.

Most of those times she told herself it was because she didn’t know how to break up with her, she even tried to convince herself that she could love Finch if she tried to. Whether it was an attempt to make herself feel better or just plain denial, Josie wasn’t sure.

But now, feeling the illusion of clarity only alcohol could give you, Josie wondered if the real reason why she couldn’t bring herself to end it was because she just didn’t know how to be alone.

She never thought of herself as a good person, mostly because she had seen enough to know good and bad cannot be separated from one another. They walk together, side by side, but maybe, just maybe, her bad self, her dark self was the stronger one and she lacked the will to fight it.

She knew she was using Finch, she wasn’t in denial about that part, Josie just didn’t know what she was using her for.

Distraction? Maybe.

Sex? Sometimes.

An excuse to keep herself away from Hope? Yes, at first, but it wasn’t working anymore, because all Josie could think about was Hope. And it was maddening.

Her voice, the way she walked, how she used to fit right under Josie’s chin when they hugged, her touch, the way she whispered Josie’s name when she was about to come, her mouth…

God, her mouth.

And her lips.

And her tongue-

See? Those were the moments she would turn to Finch for help. And yes, she knew how fucked up that was, but it didn’t matter right now, because Finch was not there.

Beer was, and well, Josie wasn’t feeling very picky at the moment.

"Jo don't you think you've had enough?" MG asked, watching her pouring herself yet another cup.

Probably. Yes.

"Not really." Josie answered at the same time as Lizzie said: "Let her, she deserves it"

And for the billionth time that night Josie failed to understand what her sister was referring to.

She had spent the entire night making remarks about something or a lot of somethings, but Josie did her best to ignore all of that.

Just like she was ignoring how wrong it was to mix bourbon and beer.

Just like she was ignoring Valerie's calls for the past week and everything else, honestly.

The Merge. Finch. Lizzie. The rest of the spell she failed to translate the night before. Valerie. Hope. The merge. Hope. Hope. The merge-

Monday morning she would deal with it all, but not tonight. Not when Maya fucking Machado was dancing with Hope and Josie was too busy imagining how delightful would it be to watch her bursting into flames.

“But are you sure you don’t want some water?” MG asked again, this time touching her wrist to get her attention.

Josie pulled back instantly, the pain making her head dizzier than the alcohol. “Fuck.”

She held her arm against her chest, eyes closed and forehead frowned.

"Shit. Sorry, what did I do?"

“Nothing, it's just a scratch." Josie lied. It wasn’t just a scratch, but the very painful remains of dark magic, courtesy of that spell she had yet to master.

Maybe Lizzie was right, Josie did deserve to get drunk.

“What happened?” MG asked. Josie blinked twice, trying to remember the excuse she had carefully prepared. "I was helping the kids in the greenhouse and one of them accidentally broke one of the recipients. I hurt myself cleaning it up, but it’s fine. Just hurts a little."

The boy apologized again, asking if she needed anything. Josie denied, repeating it wasn’t anything serious, but the pain was still there.

Valerie must have felt it, too, Josie realized a minute later.

Great.

Josie made the decision as she spoke. “But you’re right, I should probably get some water. I’ll be right back.” She said, leaving MG and Lizzie alone on the couch.

Needless to say, she didn’t go anywhere near the water bottles in the bar.

Josie’s initial plan was to go back to her room and take the second dose of the healing potion she had brewed earlier. She knew it wouldn’t work, much less stop a very angry Valerie from calling her tomorrow, but she needed to at least try.

All she had to do was get to her room. Walk through the trees, ignore the pain in her arm, pretend the world was not spinning around her and just get. to. her. room.

Even as she stumbled and almost fell twice, when she arrived at School’s entrance, Josie truly believed she could make it. All she needed to do was open the doors, walk upstairs and everything would be fine.

But of course, the Universe had different plans for her.

“Josie? What are you doing?”

Josie heard her before actually seeing her, her body reacting to the sound instantly.

“Hope.” She breathed out, her voice sounding weaker than she anticipated.

“What are you doing?” Hope asked again, walking closer to her. Josie turned around, faster than she should have.

The world around her went from spinning to turning completely upside down in a span of seconds, the hold she had i=on the doorknob the only thing keeping her standing.

“I’m trying to- I need to get to my room.” Josie managed to say, failing to ignore the shooting pain on her shoulder.

“You are not going anywhere like this.” Hope said, eyes never leaving Josie’s. It didn’t last long, but for one second Josie let herself believe the girl was actually worried about her. “Shouldn’t your girlfriend be helping you?”

A very short second.

“She’s working tonight.” Josie lied. There was no power on earth, hell or heaven that could make her tell Hope about her fight with Finch.

Nop. Not happening.

“So that’s why you’re drunk.” Hope said as she walked to where Josie was. She stopped right in front of her, smiling as if the confused look on her face was the most amusing thing in the world. “No need to babysit the muggle this time.”

Josie didn’t have a high tolerance for pain, quite the opposite, actually, but in that moment she couldn’t be happier that her arm was hurting as much as it was, because the pain was the only thing stopping her from answering back at Hope.

Not that she had any idea what to say after that, but c’mon.

They hadn’t talked in days, the last time they spoke to each other ended fucking terriblely, and when Hope finally decided to talk to her again, that’s what she chose to do? Make fun of Finch?

To what fucking end?

“I need to go.” Was all Josie said, consciously or not pulling her arm closer to her chest, as if by holding it tight enough she could replace one pain for another.

She pushed the door open, refusing to meet Hope’s stare, even if she could feel her eyes following her as she walked upstairs, even if she could hear her footsteps behind her.

It wasn’t until she got to her room that she turned around. “Just go back to the party.” Josie said from inside the room. Hope once again just stared at her, her expression indecipherable.

Josie didn’t know if she wanted to close the door in her face, or beg her to stay.

“Not until I know you’re ok.”

Josie didn’t know if it was possible for her to get even more confused, but well. Hope was determined to push her to her limit.

She was the one that started ignoring her, why had she decided to stop now? Why was she talking to Josie in the first place? What the fuck was this all about?

“As you can see, I am.” She was far from ok, but Hope didn’t need to know that. “You don’t have to- You can go, honestly.”

Josie waited for a response, but Hope said nothing.

It was only when she moved to close the door that she spoke again.

“Wait.” Hope grabbed her wrist, her touch was so cold, it made Josie shiver. “I’ll go, just answer me one thing first.”

“What?” Josie asked as she felt blue blue eyes boring into hers. Hope seemed to be weighting her words. Why? Josie had no idea, but she couldn’t help her mind from going to her favorite delusion: The one where Hope would apologize to her.

She could almost hear Hope’s voice in her head. Her apologies.

“I’m sorry for what I said last week.” She would say. Josie of course would forgive her on the spot. “You were angry, I understand.”

“I didn’t mean it.”

“I know.”

Then, Hope would kiss her, and Josie would finally be able to breathe again. No more pain, physically or metaphorically.

She had dreamed about that moment everyday for the past week, but that’s all that was. A dream.

And what Hope really had to say was nothing like the script Josie had created.

“Is she worth it?”

“W-what?”

“Finch.” Hope said, her voice a messy mix of irritation and distaste. “Is she worth it?”

Josie felt all the air being sucked out of her lungs.

“Hope. Stop.”

“No. I want to know. I need to know. You told me you don’t love her. You told me you love me. And yet, you’re with her. It doesn’t make sense, Josie. None of this does.”

Josie didn’t know how or why, but with every word Hope said, her pain got worse, taking the form of shock waves, pulsing at the same rhythm as the girl’s voice, making Josie’s heartbeat go erratic.

What had started on her wrist, was now everywhere. Her back. Her legs. Her neck. It was too much.

She wanted to scream.

“The lying, the excuses, the sneaking out… All of this… Was it for nothing? Did it mean something to you?”

Josie didn’t dare interrupt Hope, nor did she ask her to stop. She knew she deserved every bit of Hope’s anger.

“Or was it all just a whim? A sick cheating fetish? Some childish fantasy you wanted to bring to life?”

Hope was still looking at her, she never looked away and neither did Josie, not because she didn’t want to, but because she couldn’t move.

“Do you even like Finch? Or are you just using her like you used me?”

Josie didn’t plan to respond, but the words left her mouth before she could stop them. “Is that what you think of me? That I would be capable of doing that to you?”

Josie had felt how loaded and heavy the air around them was, how it had been ever since Hope started to speak, but now, she felt no air at all.

It was suffocating.

“It doesn't matter what I think, Josie. That’s what you did.”

“How can you say that?” Josie lashed out. “How can you believe even for a second that I don’t lov- That I would do this?”

“Because you did. If not with me, then with Finch.” Hope said furiously. “All you do is lie to everyone and if that wasn’t already terrible, you also lie to yourself, pretending and acting like you know what is best. News flash, Jo: You fucking don’t.”

“I don’t-” Josie stopped herself, not knowing what to say, much less what to think.

She ran her hands through her hair, taking a deep breath in a weak attempt to clear her mind. It was a bad decision, she realized not even two seconds later, seeing as it did nothing to calm her down, but it did make her chest ache.

“What do you want from me? Why are you saying all of this now? I never meant to hurt you, Hope. I never wanted any of this to happen and I’m sorry. I’m so terribly sorry.” Josie knew how desperate her voice sounded, but she didn’t care. She also didn’t care about the tears that were starting to fall down her cheeks. All she cared about was Hope. “I need you to believe me, I love you. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone.” She ended the distance between them, needing to be closer to her. “Please, believe me.”

Hope pulled back. “It’s a little too late for ‘I’m sorrys’, Jo.” She said, letting go of Josie’s wrist.

“No, it 's not. I can fix this, I know I can. Please, Hope. Please. Let me fix this.”

That’s not how she envisioned her night would end, she didn’t want to have this conversation with Hope, not now, not ever, but now that Hope was there, she needed to make her understand that no matter how fucked up things were, the feelings Josie had for her were not shallow. They were real.

Hope and her were real.

“It’s too late, Josie.”

Josie shook her head. “No, it’s not.”

She didn’t understand how Hope could’ve given up on them, on her so fast.

Was she that easy to move on from?

Was she that easy to forget that it took Hope less than a month to get over what they had?

“Don’t say that.” She begged.

“We’ve been through this before. This…” Hope pointed between them in the same way she had done days ago. Josie had instant flashbacks. “Us. It’s pointless.”

Josie looked down at her arm, where Hope’s hand had been. Her touch had felt so cold. Too cold.

Hope’s touch was never like that.

“No. We are not a mistake.” She murmured under her breath. “I refuse to believe that.” She said, more firmly this time, as firmly as she could manage in that moment.

Hope took another step back. “Yes, we are. You’re just too stubborn to admit it.”

“No. No. You’re just saying that because you’re angry at me and you have every right to be, but what we had, what we still have, it’s not a mistake.”

Josie could hear how fast her heart was beating, she felt it pouding in her ears. Like a warning.

Another wave of pain made itself known, a bigger one this time. More intense.

Josie ignored it.

“What I feel for you is not a mistake.” She said, taking both of Hope’s hands, trying to pull her closer. Hope didn’t move, so Josie did and that’s when she saw it. The flickering light around Hope. It was subtle, almost imperceptible, but all the while phantasmagoric... Almost delusory.

Hope pulled back.

“What is this?” Josie all but whispered, more to herself than anything else. Hope stayed silent.

Josie wiped her tears with the back of her hand, trying to see past the blur that had taken over her eyes.

Hope took several steps back, purposely putting more and more space between them. Josie hated it, but something stopped her from going after her.

“Josie-”

“What’s happening?” She asked, confused.

Josie didn’t know it was possible, but her heart started to beat even faster than before. Her skin felt as if it was on fire and Hope started to flutter in front of her.

Whenever she thought back to this moment, she always wondered why it took her so long to see what was really happening.

Maybe it was the pain combined with the drinking.

Maybe some part of her thought she deserved to hear all that. Or maybe she just wanted Hope to talk to her again, even if all she had to say was everything Josie didn’t want to hear.

“You’re not Hope.” Josie said.

Fuck. Fuck.

Josie started to walk backwards, if before she needed to be near Hope, as close as possible, now what she wanted was to be far, far way from her. From that

“You’re not real." She said out loud, shutting her eyes as she tried and failed to calm her breathing. "You're no one..."

...Because I’m fucking hallucinating.

Josie dug her nails into her arm. Forcefully. Violently. Using the pain to anchor herself to reality.

The smell of blood filled her nose. She felt her skin throbbing, pulsing.

“You’re not real. You’re not real.” She said it as a mantra. “You’re not real. You’re not real. You’re not real.”

The next time she opened her eyes, she was alone.

Chapter Text

Josie used all her remaining strength to push the door open. She had no idea how she managed to get this far. Her vision was blurry, her feet seemed to have given up on walking in a straight line- she was miserable.

That was the last time Josie had let Lizzie talk her into going out.

She was done with parties.

Done. Done. Done. Don-

“Jo?”

Josie turned around a little too fast. Faster than she should. If anyone asked, she would say she just lost her balance, but the truth was, she had none left to lose.

Hope was by her side a second later, much to Josie’s surprise.

“Easy there. Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Hope loosened her hold on Josie’s wrists. “Are you sure?”

No.

“Yes. I’m just-”

“Drunk.”

“I was gonna say tipsy…” Hope chuckled. “But yeah, that too.” Josie finished saying as she slumped against the couch, pulling Hope with her.

She would be lying if she said she didn’t notice she was holding her hand, but Josie’s mind was just foggy enough for her to ignore how it made her feel.

“I’m assuming the party was a success, then?”

Josie rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t. It was just boring and long as usual… You’re lucky you left earlier.”

Hope rested her head against the cushions. “I guess.”

“Trust me, you do not need to see Jed and Ethan betting to see who can chug down a keg first.”

“Ethan threw up again, didn’t he?”

“Yep…” Josie turned her head to the side, smirking. “And I won 20 bucks.”

“Wait, why?”

“He said he wouldn’t throw up this time and I bet he would.”

That made Hope smile. “Of course you did. And of course he did it.”

Josie reached for her pocket, pulling a 20 dollar bill. “I’m rich.”

“Yes, you’re.” Hope agreed, laughing.

Josie smiled along with her. Not because she thought what she said was funny. No. She smiled because Hope smiled.

Hope had such a beautiful smile.

Josie never wanted to stop looking at her… No matter how heavy her eyes felt.

She didn’t want to ever look away. She didn’t even want to blink… But maybe she would have to.

Hope’s mouth seemed to be moving, Josie should probably pay attention to what she was saying, instead of just eyeing its movements. But in her defense, Hope’s mouth was just too beautiful.

Not looking at it seemed wrong… Criminal.

“Josie?” And then she was obliged to blink. “Yes?”

“Where did you go?”

Josie couldn’t decide if the laugh she let out was a nervous one, a drunk one, or just one caused by her gay gay gay panic.

Maybe all of them mixed in one.

“Nowhere. Sorry, I’m just sleepy.”

“I can see that.” Hope gently said as Josie yawned. “C’mon, I’ll walk you to your room.” She got up, offering her hand to the girl.

Josie did enlace their fingers again, but she didn’t move.

“That would be amazing… If I could go to my room.”

“Why can’t you?”

“Lizzie is in there, and she’s kinda busy.”

Hope raised her eyebrows. “Oh. Oh. But wait- You were just going to sleep on the couch, then?”

“Probably. Yes.”

Hope only stared at her.

“You do know it’s Christmas break and you live in a boarding school with a lot of beds, right?”

“Yeah, but still. I can’t just sleep in someone else’s room.”

“You’ve got a point. But sleeping here isn’t any better.” Josie didn’t mean to pout, she really, really didn’t. “But I’m tired.”

Hope smiled as she got up, pulling the younger girl with her. “I know, I know. C’mon.”

“Where?”

“To bed.”
_________________________________________________________________________

Hope had done it. She had finally done it. She had gotten drunk.

It lasted no more than an hour, but regardless. She spent an hour without any concerns other than breathing and blinking.

She had lost count of how many times she found herself in that same state during her not so long life. And all of those times she wished she could stay in it forever.

The reason was always the same, she wanted to stop thinking. But more often than not, her family was the cause of it.

Her dad, what she used to hear about him and still does

Her mom.

The amount of “What if?” she desperately tried to run away from.

Her so-called “fate”. And everything that came along with it.

The thing she never ever thought would make her drink her ass off, though, with the werewolves of all people, was Josie Saltzman-

Actually, that’s a lie.

5 months ago, that thought would never occur to her, but for the last couple of months- well, she had thought about it. A lot. And done it too. Drinking, trying to find a way to block every Josie related thought from her mind. Erase them, if possible, erase her.

Dramatic, she knew that. But in all honesty, Hope wished she had the means to do it. To forget about the girl.

To stop looking for her in the crowd, to not be aware of her. Every single fucking second of the fucking day.

Even when she was nowhere near her, Hope was still somehow drawn to her. Even when she didn’t know.

“Hey, are you ok?” It was Jed.

Hope blinked twice, trying to focus on the boy in front of her. “Yeah, yeah. I just…” I just want to rip my own head off to stop thinking about this girl. You know her, Josie Saltzman. “...need some water.”

She was on her feet before finishing her sentence.

“Want me to go with you?” Maya asked. “No need. I’ll be right back.”

She wasn’t planning on returning, but Maya didn’t need to know that.

Hope was less than 10 feet away from the school’s front door when the smell hit her.

Blood.

At first, she thought some of the vampires had taken a blood bag with them, but it didn’t smell like animal blood and even if they had done it, it wouldn’t be inside of the school.

Then, she thought one of them had bitten someone at the party. It wouldn’t be a surprise considering how drunk everybody was, but the smell wasn’t strong enough. And it felt… Weirdly familiar.

But Hope had no idea why and her werewolf senses were no help. They weren’t as strong in her human body as they were in her wolf form.

She took one more step. And then another.

The smell grew more intense.

To humans it’d be nothing, but to her it was undeniable.

It wasn’t pleasant, much less alluring. No. It was just strong. Terribly strong.

Hope stopped walking when she got upstairs – she didn’t need to keep searching, she knew where the smell was coming from.

The twin’s room was dark. The only visible light was coming from the bathroom, but Josie was nowhere to be found.

“Josie?”

Hope called her name one more time, but there wasn’t an answer. That smell was still there, all around her, but the room was clean. She looked around one last time, not knowing how to shake it off the feeling that something was wrong.
_________________________________________________________________________

Josie let out a breath when the door was closed.

“Invisique.”

She fell onto the bed, too exhausted and weak to do anything else. She still didn’t know how she managed to make herself invisible, when she felt like all her energy had been drained from her body.

Pulling herself away from that state, from Hope, even though it wasn’t really her, was more difficult that she would have imagined. The tiny cut in her palm was nothing compared to the nasty, nasty one in her arm - a physical evidence of how fucked up she was.

Here’s the thing about dark magic. It hurts. A lot.

Josie felt it mostly on her wrist and shoulder, much like a punch, sometimes like a twinge. But last night the pain was the only thing Josie could think of to stop that hallucination. And so, she cut herself right where it was hurting – and it worked. It was almost like the pain pulled her back to reality.

It had happened before – those hallucinations – not as real as that one felt, but still. It wasn’t her first rodeo.

What she truly wasn’t expecting was for Hope to actually show up looking for her.

What did she want? Why was she there?

 _______________________________________________________________________

Hope waited while Josie showered, part of her still laughing of how funny the girl was when she was drunk.

Buy really, Hope was used to laugh when it came to her, because Josie was just of one those people that were funny without needing to tell a joke.

That was one of the reasons why Hope loved being around her.

It didn’t matter how shitty her day was or how complicated things had become with Landon, she knew she would feel better with Josie, just by being around her.

That was just something about her. And withing every passing day, Hope found herself wanting to spend more and more time with her.

“Hi.” Josie said, hiding herself behind the bathroom’s door. Hope smiled. “Hi.”

“I need clothes. Please.”

“Here.” Hope handed her a pair of shorts and a matching shirt. “Thanks.” Josie said.

And then, a moment later. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Hope laughed. “You good?” She held Josie’s hand, gently pulling her to sit next to her in the bed.

“Much better. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Jo. But you don’t need to thank me.”

“Yeah. I know. But thank you.” Hope rolled her eyes, smiling. “Anytime.”

Josie looked down, noticing she was still holding Hope’s hand. She loved her hands, they were so soft and pretty. She could honestly hold them forever-

“Jo?”

“I’m sorry. Hi.”

“Hi.” Hope chuckled. “I asked you if want anything.”

Josie looked at Hope’s hand again. Hope’s fingers were so, so beautiful and so kissable- No. No. She wouldn’t think about that. She couldn’t.

So instead, she laid down, letting go of Hope’s hand.

“No, I’m ok. I promise.” Maybe she was still a lit bit drunk. Maybe. “I’m just tired, but the world is not spinning around as much as it was an hour ago.”

“That’s good.” Hope moved to lay by her side. She closed her eyes, letting out a small breath, in the way only someone who had the most exhausted day could do. Josie followed every line of Hope’s face with her eyes for as long as she could.

“Are you ok?” Josie asked. “That sounded tired in a bad way.”

“I’m ok.” Hope pulled the sheets from the end of bed, covering them both. “Today was just one of those days, you know?”

“Why?” Josie asked gently. Hope met her gaze. “Aunt Freya called. She wants me to go back to New Orleans, for good this time.”

Oh.

“Fuck.”

“Yep. Fuck sounds right.”

Josie ignored the sudden urge to call Freya and just say: “No. Please, no. No, no, no, no.”

“I told her I didn’t want to go, gave her all the reasons why, but she didn’t listen. So, I just hung up.”

“She tried calling again?”

“No, Aunt Freya doesn’t work like that. But don’t be surprised if Rebekah calls tomorrow.”

“You think they all agree with Freya?”

Hope only nodded.

“Hey.” Josie got closer to her, her hand going to Hope’s wrist and with the most reassuring tone she could in the moment, she said “They will change their minds.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Well,” Josie said with a small smile. “Because this is your home, this is where you want to be. And because I have Freya’s and Rebekah’s number.”

That made Hope smiled.

“You know they can just ignore your calls.”

Josie rolled her eyes. “They won’t. I’m adorable. They love me.”

Hope laughed.

“Sure, sure.”

“What? I am. And may I remind you that Freya said I’m a great influence on you and that she said and I quote, she sees a lot of her young self in me.”

“God, you memorized her exact words.” Hope said, laughing. Josie felt her face burning. “Maybe I did.”

“Your crush is showing, babe.”

Josie stopped breathing at that. Babe.

God.

She hated when Hope used that word. She hated how giggly it made her feel.

“Shut up. I just think she’s an incredible which and I admire her.”

“Yeah. Sure. That’s why your face is all red, because all of that admiration.” Josie felt her face turning even more red. “I hate you.”

Hope’s smile grew bigger.

“I think you two would make an adorable couple.”

“I can’t hear you anymore. You’re suddenly mute.”

“What? You would! She’s certainly an upgrade from your current girlfriend.” She almost whispered that last part.

“Hope Mikaelson!”

“Yes?”

“I hate you. I truly hate you.”

Hope laughed again. She knew it was wrong and oh so toxic, but she hated Finch so fucking much.

“I’m going to sleep now. Good night.” Josie closed her eyes, covering her face with the sheet. Hope kept smiling. She got closer to the girl, gently pulling the sheet off. Josie didn’t open her eyes.

“Good night, Jo.” She said, moving her hand to Josie’s. It was meant to be a quick thing – a soothing gesture, but Hope interlaced their fingers and didn’t let go. Josie let her.

It was becoming a thing between them. They never cuddle, but they would always sleep holding each other’s hands.

Hope wasn’t unaware of that, quite the opposite, she was always the one to seek Josie, but she also didn’t dedicate time to analyze it – again, she just knew she liked to be close to her.

It felt good, Josie felt good.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Care to tell me what happened to you last night?” It was the first thing Lizzie said when Josie sat down next to her at breakfast.

Her arm wasn’t hurting anymore, and she wasn’t hungover, but she felt hungover.

“I came here.”

“Alone?”

Josie rolled her eyes. “Yes, Lizzie. Alone.”

She was starting to get annoyed by the tone of Lizzie’s jokes. Last night she was insufferable, but when it came to Lizzie, Josie really preferred not knowing the “whys”.

“You didn’t miss much. But MG was looking for you.”

“I’ll talk to him later.”

Lizzie just nodded and Josie zoned out of everything her sister said after, her mind focusing only on Hope. As usual.

Not so deep down she was also worried about Valerie, but she wasn’t here. Hope was. And that took precedence over everything else. As usual.

The thing was: Hope didn’t know Josie was in the room when she came looking for her, so Josie theoretically didn’t know Hope was looking for her, therefore she couldn’t just go to her room and say: Hey, Hope. Sorry I didn’t talk to you last night, I was in the middle of a psychotic black magic induced episode.

(...)

See the problem?

But Josie didn’t want to deal with any of that. She knew she had to, but she really really didn’t want to.

She just wanted to forget everything about last night.

Lizzie, on the other hand, had different plans.

“So… How much longer do I have to wait until you tell me about you and Hope?”

Chapter Text

So… How much longer do I have to wait until you tell me about you and Hope?”

Within every word that left Lizzie’s mouth, Josie felt her blood cells turning to ice, one by one.

“I’m sorry. What?”

“You heard me the first time.”

“Y-yes. But I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Now, let’s take a breath. Yes, Lizzie was two seconds away from losing the little bit of patience she still had, but no, she wouldn’t tell Josie she knew about Hope and her.

Her plan to keep searching their room last night was ruined and she needed an excuse to keep Josie out of there. Breakfast could only last too long.

Picking a fight with her was as good an idea as any. Because here’s the thing about Josie, whenever she was pissed about something, she needed fresh air and whenever she was angry with Lizzie, she avoided her like she was the plague - meaning Josie would go to the garden and avoid their room for the rest of the morning, giving Lizzie time to go upstairs and search even the dirt of Josie’s plants.

“Bullshit. It’s been weeks since you guys talked and I still have no clue about what happened. And don’t get me started on you mopping around like a kicked puppy and Hope’s sudden interest in spending every waking second high or/and fucking Nathan’s sister.”

Ok, so maybe Lizzie was less than a little impatient. And maybe she didn’t need to add that last part, but well.

“You don’t even want to talk about college anymore, for God’s sake… And I know that’s because of Hope. I know whatever happened, happened after your birthday, cause you guys were glued by the hips then and out of fucking nowhere it was like you’ve never met.”

Josie didn’t interrupt Lizzie, but when she finally spoke, she sounded broken.

The look on her sister’s eyes almost made Lizzie regret saying anything. Almost.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you, Lizzie. Honestly. I already told you: Hope and I- We’re not friends anymore, ok? It’s that simple.”

“I-”

“No. You nothing. And I don’t need nor do I want to know what Hope is or isn’t doing. If she wants to fuck Maya to oblivion that’s her problem, not mine. And not yours.” She walked out without waiting for Lizzie’s response, leaving her food untouched and Lizzie speechless.

Well, fuck.

Part of her felt bad, she knew her sister was suffering, but the other part could overlock Josie’s feelings, she just knew whatever it was that josie was hiding, apart from the cheating mess, was much more important than any heartbreak.

Josie’s hands were shaking, her heart was beating oh so fast and she wanted to punch Lizzie in the face.

How dare she demand to know anything about anything? Who the fuck did she think she was? Their mom?

God.

Josie hated when Lizzie got like that. And she hated how much it affected her.

Whenever she got angry, her magic grew stronger. Josie could feel every bit of energy pulsing through the school’s walls, floors, the students. It was all consuming and so fucking maddening.

And she wasn’t only angry, she was jealous, so everything was even more intense.

She knew Hope was spending time with Maya, she saw them, she heard them. She knew. But she didn’t need to be reminded of that particular fact. Said fact that Lizzie did her the favor of mentioning.

Josie was sure that if she saw Lizzie now, she would kill her. Fuck with the merge, she could solve it all right now?

So what if Lizzie didn’t say anything but the truth? So what if Hope and Maya were free to do whatever they want? So what if Josie knew she was the one to blame for all of it? So fucking what?

Just imagining Hope kissing someone else was painful, but Josie didn’t need to imagine, she saw it, she had the living image of it. Knowing they did a lot more than kissing didn’t make it all worse, it didn’t make the pain in the pit of her stomach grow. She would be ok if that was the case. But no. What it did was turn the pain into hate.

Josie didn’t suffer from knowing Hope was having sex with someone else, she hated it. She loathed it.

She could honestly imagine killing Maya out of jealousy.

She wouldn’t, of course. But God, did she want to.
And that thought was the only one going through her mind as she walked out of the school, doing her best to ignore the urge to siphon.

Valerie told her it would only get worse. Josie just didn’t expect to be this worse.

Feeling homicidal wasn’t part of her plans.

She needed to call Valerie back. She also needed to talk to Finch.

Their fight yesterday was the furthest thing on her mind, but she needed to fix it.

But first she need to calm the fuck down.

Hope had no intention of talking to Josie.

She meant when she said she was tired.

But that was before she smelled Josie’s blood all over the girl’s bedroom.

She knew nothing terrible had happened. Mostly because it was almost 9 am and no one came looking for her, but still. Something had happened.

And now, she couldn’t help but think about how fucked up their relationship had gotten to the point where Hope felt somewhat grateful that Josie wasn’t in the room, because if she was,then she’d have had to talk to her. And that was the last thing Hope wanted.

On the other hand, and that was the thing that was eating her alive: what if Josie was hurt?

Hope thought about asking Lizzie, but that wouldn’t work - Lizzie was way too drunk last night to notice anything and she doubted Josie would’ve told her sister anyways.

The one thing she could do was the thing she didn’t want to do: talk to Josie.

Hope knew herself well enough to know that sooner or later she would get tired of the drama and would eventually talk to her. But for now, she was not in the mood.

Mainly because she was the one who told Josie to never talk to her again, but also because she didn’t want to start or restart any contact with the girl.

Talking to Josie meant looking at her, which meant seeing the face she so desperately was trying to forget.

Being with Maya helped, but there were no feelings involved, which honestly only made Hope miss Josie even more sometimes.

Sex with Maya was incredible, but it was just sex because Maya wasn’t Josie. She would never be Josie. And sex with Josie wasn’t just sex. It never was. It felt different from the very beginning.

Josie’s voice, her hands, her body- Every fucking thing about her. From the way she held Hope's neck right before kissing her to the way she closed her eyes when Hope touched her.

Josie was the girl songs were written about and Hope would forever be at her mercy. It wasn’t something she could fight her way out, it was just the truth.

But the thing about those songs was that you wouldn’t know if it was a love song or a heartbreak one until it was too fucking late.

And now was one of those too late moments, because the one and only Josie Saltzman was standing in front of her and Hope had nowhere to hide.

Well, standing backwards to her.

Hope should take that chance and leave, she really should, because whoever it was that Josie was talking to on the phone, got her distracted enough and she hadn’t noticed Hope yet.

But Hope lost the ability to walk. Josie was just close enough for Hope to smell her perfume and remember how amazing it was feeling it as she kissed her neck.

She needed to get out of there before Josie turned around. She needed to get a grip and remember not how incredible she was, but how messed up it was being with her.

How painful and humiliating it was.

And not how kissing her made Hope feel alive.

She got up, shaking her head as if that could shake away the thoughts she shouldn’t be having, but as she was making her way out of the old mill, she overheard Josie saying her name.

“No, Hope doesn’t know. You don’t have to worry…”

She paused.

“I did it. It’s fine, I’m just- It’s just getting a little too much, that’s all. But I can handle it.”

Another pause.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m gonna use a few more and- Yes, of course. I’ll call you next week.”

Josie ended the call. Then, she turned around.

They stared at each other for what felt like hours, but it was only a few seconds until Josie got the courage to speak.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think anyone would be here.”

Hope wasn’t planning on answering, but that was before she saw the look on Josie’s face.

She wasn’t just sad, she was…dreadful. And something else.

In another life, Hope would ask what was wrong, she would be concerned, move hell and earth to fix it. Whatever it was. But that wasn’t her job anymore, or maybe it never was.

Josie wasn’t her problem anymore.

Hope felt all air disappear as she passed by her. She felt her whole body screaming at her to reach out, to touch Josie. To hug her. She felt her eyes burning, wanting to look one more time, her legs unwilling to keep walking, needing to turn back around.

But Josie wasn’t her problem anymore.

“I was just leaving.” Hope said.

And that’s what she did, with one last thought in her mind: at least she is safe.

At least she is safe. At least she is safe. At least she is safe. At least she is safe.

Hope didn’t go back to the school and all Josie heard was a distant howl.

Chapter Text

Flashback

Josie was determined to spend the day as an hermit. No social interactions, no small talks or conversation of any type. She was putting herself on a cleanser.

And seeing as today was Remembrance Day, she was hoping everyone would be too busy getting drunk and no one would need her help with anything.

Lizzie being one of those people.

She had woken up Josie this morning asking her to go, along with everyone else, but “everyone else” included Hope. And Josie really didn’t want to see Hope today.

…

That was a lie.

Josie wanted to see Hope everyday, every hour of every day, actually. But that was precisely the problem.

Ever since Landon left, Hope and her were spending more and more time together. Which was fine. Perfect even.

Until it wasn’t.

Josie didn’t know what changed or when it happened, but something had changed.

Not about them, exactly, but about Josie.

She was feeling feelings and having thoughts she should not be having.

She had a girlfriend, for God’s sake.

She shouldn’t be thinking about how breathtakingly beautiful Hope was, she shouldn’t be dreaming about kissing her.

She should not be getting nervous every time Hope held her hand or simply entered a room.

It was like Josie was 12 again, waking up early just because Hope liked to have breakfast 2 hours before classes. Waiting for her in the bleachers, lying to Alaric, saying she was waiting for him instead, just to see if Hope was ok after their training session, only to talk to her for 30 seconds. Changing her class schedule, taking advanced classes she had no business taking, just to be in the same room as Hope.

Josie couldn’t let herself go through that again.

Back then, it was just a crush and a lot of mixed feelings. The worst thing she did was break her mom’s favorite china when she baked cookies to make 14 year-old Hope smile.

Now she was having oh so vivid sex dreams about her best friend while sleeping next to her girlfriend, after just having had sex with her.

She needed therapy. So bad.

So no, Josie would not be going to the Remembrance Day party. She would not be mixing Hope and alcohol.

She was going to stay in her room, read a good book and wait for Finch to pick her up later.

And most importantly, she was not going to answer the door, regardless of who was knocking on it.

“You know I know you’re there.” Hope said. Because of course it was Hope.

Maybe if she pretended to be asleep, Hope would leave.

“I know you’re awake.”

Fuck.

“Jo… Please.”

Josie opened the door.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Hope let herself in. “Why are you not going with us today?”

Because I can’t stop thinking about kissing you and I don’t know what to do about it.

Hope sat at the end of Josie’s bed. “Did something happen?”

“Not really. I’m just not in a party mood today.” Josie said, sitting in Lizzie’s bed, away from Hope.

“Want to go get milkshakes later then?”

“I can’t, actually. I have a date with Finch tonight.” Josie said, nervously pulling her lip between the teeth.

It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. Yes, she had plans with Finch, but she could go with Hope before and still have plenty of time to get ready before Finch arrived, but it was the best excuse she could think of.

And it made Josie feel like shit. Not because she was saying no to Hope, but the reason why she was doing it. It wasn’t Hope’s fault Josie couldn’t control her own feelings.

“Oh. Ok.” Hope said, looking… Surprised? And… Sad?

“Maybe we can-”

Hope cut her off. “It’s fine, Jo. I’ll leave you to it.”

She was out of the door before Josie could think to answer.

Two seconds later, Josie screamed into her pillow, feeling, again, like a 12-year-old.

Later that night, as Finch kissed her and Josie wished she was Hope, she wondered if it would ever stop. If she would ever stop wanting Hope.

She had a feeling the answer was “never”.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope felt… Uneasy.

 She didn’t think she had ever used that word to describe herself, but nevertheless, that was how she was feeling.

It had started on Remembrance Day, when Josie said she was busy, but it didn’t stop there.

Josie spent the last two weeks busy. With Finch.

The girl never did anything to make Hope dislike her, but she didn’t need to. Her presence was enough of a reason.

She had such a weird vibe. Ans Hope couldn’t, for the life of her, understand what Josie saw on her. The fact that she was the thing keeping Josie busy was only making it all worse.

Regardless, Finch was Josie’s girlfriend. It made sense that Josie wanted to spend time with her. Hope understood that, but that didn’t make her feel any better.

And it was all Josie’s fault.

Not for having terrible taste in women, although that too, but for making Hope get used to having her around all the time and then disappearing without warning.

Hope wasn’t clueless. She knew why Josie decided to go out with her as much as she did, why she kept checking in on her, inviting her to sleepovers and parties all the time. She knew how concerned everybody was about her after Landon left. Especially Josie. Afterall, she was there that night. When it all happened.

She saw it first hand how heartbroken Hope was.

Still, Hope should’ve known better. She shouldn’t have let herself get this attached. She knew Josie wouldn’t be around all the time forever. She had a life of her own. She had things to do. Places to be. And she had a girlfriend. She was not obliged to be at Hope's disposal 24/7.

Again, Hope knew that. She understood that. What she didn’t understand was why she was feeling this awful mix of annoyance, anger, sadness and resentment about it all.

Hope’s lack of a love life and a social one was not Josie’s fault.

“Mikaelson!” Lizzie called from behind her. Hope turned around, closing the book she had been trying and failing to read for the last 2 hours.

She wondered if it would disappear too if it found a girlfriend.

“Are you coming tonight?”

“Where?”

“Karaoke night, remember?”

Oh. Right. That was tonight.

Hope was about to say “no” when she realized she didn’t have anything better to do.

And she really did not want to spend the night staring at the same page she had been staring at since this morning.

“Why not?”

“C’mon, it’s gonna be fun- Wait, did you just say yes? Without needing convincing? Are you ok?

“I’m just fine. I’m just bored.”

“Tell me about it. It’s so weird living at a school when you’ve already graduated.” Lizzie said, and then proceeded to talk about everything she hated about The Salvatore School, its dorms, the new students…

And Hope let her. Because even though she hated Lizzie half of the time, she also really loved the girl’s ability to turn a conversation into a monologue.

It was the perfect distraction. Hope didn’t have to reply or ask questions. She didn’t have to think. She just needed to listen.

Agreeing to come may have not been the greatest idea, Hope realized as Lizzie ordered her fourth? Fifth drink? and decided it was a good idea to sing “baby got back”.

The Mystic Grill should really stop allowing underage drinking.

“Josie! Finally!” Lizzie spoke into the mic as the one and only Josie Saltzman walked in holding hands with that muppet she called girlfriend.

Hope tossed down the rest of her drink.

“Hey, guys.” Josie said, taking the vacant seat in front of Hope. Finch sat by her side. “She’s drunk isn’t she?”

Her question wasn’t directed at anyone specifically, but Hope felt Josie’s eyes on her. Not in a demanding way, more like wanting to start a conversation.

“Oh, she’s definitely drunk.” MG said laughing.

“Before you guys arrived she sang Mamma Mia.” Cleo added.

And Hope thanked the Gods she did it, because Josie kept looking at her, expecting her to join the conversation and that was the last thing she wanted.

She didn’t know why, but she didn’t want to talk to Josie.

They didn’t have a fight. Nothing really happened. Yet, somehow, looking at Josie there, in front of her like it was just another night, like she hadn’t been ignoring Hope for the last two weeks was really pissing her off.

The rational part of her brain kept telling her that she was overreacting, that maybe Josie really was just busy, but Hope couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something else going on.

And she hated how it was making her feel.

Having feelings was hard enough, but not understanding what feelings she was having, and why she was having them was maddening.

Hope really wished she could shut her brain up.

News flash: she couldn’t. But she could have a cigarette and forget about Josie for more than 2 seconds. So that was what she did.

Unsurprisingly, karaoke night wasn’t the Grill’s busiest night, so the tables outside weren’t occupied.

Hope set her drink aside as she lit the cigarette, letting the nicotine cloud her mind for blissful seconds.

She blew out the smoke slowly, savoring its taste as it lasted.

And just like that… Everything was less shitty.

That was until Josie decided she wanted some fresh air too.

Hope wanted to smash her own head against the wall.

“Hi.”

“Hi, Josie.”

Or maybe put out the cigarette using her eyes as an ashtray.

“Are you ok?” Josie asked, leaning against the wall in front of Hope.

“I’m fine.” Hope replied, as her jaw tensed.

“Are you sure? You seemed a little off back there.”

Off. Huh.

“I’m perfectly fine, Josie.” Hope didn’t mean to sound as sarcastic as she did. She really, really didn’t.

Again, she wasn’t angry at Josie. She had no reason to be.

Then why was she acting like a dick?

“Did something happen?”

Hope didn’t reply. She flicked her cigarette instead, hating everything about this interaction.

“Hope.”

“Nothing happened. I’m just gonna finish this” she pointed at the cigarette. “And I’ll go back inside, ok?”

“Hope, c’mon. You’re not even looking at me.” At that, Hope met her gaze. “Thank you.” Josie replied just as sarcastic as Hope had been. “C’mon, talk to me.”

A very bitter part of Hope wanted to say: so now you want to talk to me? But, instead, she said:

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“You’re being weird and you know it. You didn’t even say hi to Finch and I.”

Oh. So that was the problem.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t say hi to Finch. I’m going back there right now to beg for her forgiveness.” Hope snapped.

Ok, so maybe Hope was angry at her.

“Why are you acting like this?” Josie asked, genuinely confused.

“Why am I- God, Josie. I just came here to smoke a fucking a cigarette in peace. You came after me. You kept saying how off and weird I was being. Even though I said I was fine. So, why don’t you tell me why am I acting like this? Since you seem to know everything else I’m feeling.”

Josie didn’t reply right away, too taken back to say anything, but when she finally spoke, her voice was nothing more than a whisper.

“I’m sorry.” She cleared her throat. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I was just worried about you.”

Hope took a deep breath. “Well, you can stop it now.”

“What?”

“Worrying about me. You don’t have to babysit me anymore.”

At first, Josie seemed confused, then sad. Now she was pissed.

“Babysitting you? What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you.” Hope said, running a hand through her hair as a clear sign of frustration. “And how, ever since that night, the night that Landon left, you seemed to think you had some sort of obligation to ensure my well being. ”

“That’s what you think I’m doing?” Josie asked just as angry, moving away from the wall and closer to Hope.

“Yes. And I’m saying now that you can stop. You’re clearly busy with Finch, if the past two weeks were anything to go by, so it’s fine, you don’t have to check on me anymore.”

Hope went to smoke again, only to realize the flame had died.

Perfect.

She tossed it out as Josie spoke again.

“I’m not just checking up on you. I’m your friend. I care about you.”

“You’ve ignored me for 2 tweeks, Josie.” Hope said. “I can take a hint, you know? I get it. You want to spend time with Finch. It’s fine.”

Josie visibly tensed. Whatever anger she was feeling went away and all Hope saw guilty all over her face.

“Hope, I’m sorry. I was not ignoring you and I was just-”

“Busy. I know.”

“Yes. But-”

“You don’t have to justify yourself, Josie. I get it.” Hope said, her voice sounding dull, unlike Josie, who was exasperated.

“No, you really don’t.” She said.

“Of course I do. You wanted to make sure I was ok and I’m. You can stop worrying about me now.”

“Can you stop saying that?”

“Saying what?

“That I can stop, as if caring about you is an assignment I’ve just completed. Like you’re releasing me of my duty.” Josie tried to control her breathing. “You’re not an obligation to me, Hope. I care about you because I- because you’re my friend, not because I think you’re my responsibility.” She trailed off.

Hope did her best to make the lump in throat go away before speaking.

“Then what happened? What’s going on here, Jo? I know I’m not crazy.”

“Hope-”

“You were ignoring me, weren’t you?”

“I- I was, yes. But It’s complicated.” Josie said avoiding eye contact, as if looking at Hope was too much in that moment.

“Try me.” Hope almost pleaded.

Josie opened her mouth once. Then twice, but nothing came out.

“I can’t, Hope. Not now. Please, don’t ask me about this right now.”

They stared at each other for what felt like forever. Hope debating whether or not to keep pushing and Josie trying really hard not to let her feelings get the best of her and make her do something she would regret later.

Like telling Hope she was in love with her.

“Please.” Josie spoke again, her voice almost breaking.

Hope was ready to keep asking until she got a real answer out of Josie, but she didn’t have the strength to do it. She felt drained.

“Ok.” She said, quietly. “Take your time.”

“Thank you, but you have to believe me, Hope. I’m so sorry. For everything.” Josie said with a shaky breath as tears started to fall from her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Hope. I’m truly sorry.”

She sounded so broken and Hope had no idea why.

Fuck it.

“Come here.”

Hope closed the distance between them and Josie gladly put her arms around her shoulders, hugging her tightly.

“Are we ok?” Josie asked. Her voice came out weak.

“I don’t know. You tell me. Are we?”

Josie let out the deepest breath. “We are.”

“Ok.” Hope tightened her grip on her waist.

It didn’t feel like they were anything close to ok, and not knowing why was killing Hope from the inside out, but in that moment, she couldn’t help but feel relieved, because Josie was there.

Hope wasn’t losing her. At least, not tonight.

_________________________________________________________________________

Lizzie’s hands were shaking when she opened Josie’s diary. She didn’t dare to touch the ripped pages from last time. Whomever they belonged to, she had a feeling they were not good.

Praying Josie hadn’t written any obscene entry about Hope, Lizzie started to read.

January, 20th

How? Why? When?

What the fuck was that?

This can’t be true.

I know “normal” for us is the opposite of regular, but still. What the fuck?

This can’t be true. This cannot be true.

January, 29th

Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?

January was such an uneventful month. Mallivore was gone and dead. Landon had already left. The only thing that happened was their mom coming home.

What the fuck happened to Josie?

February, 10th

I called Valerie.

She’s lovely, and terrifying.

But at least now I know it’s true. I almost feel sorry for Kai.

Who the hell is Kai?

What it must have been to grow up feeling like and being treated like an abomination?

And they wonder why he lost it… Honestly, who wouldn’t?

If his first sin was being born a siphon, what does that mean for Lizzie and I?
That we’re the 2nd generation’s abomination? Destined to destroy each other just for the sake of what? Tradition?

This is so fucked up.

February, 20th

I should be writing about kissing the girl I’ve always dreamed about kissing, I should be writing about Finch and trying to find out what I’m gonna do about all of that. I should not be trying to stop a 500 year-old family fucking curse.

March, 5th

What if I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time? Can I find another way?

If I can’t stop it, maybe I can find a way to survive it. Own it.

Who am I kidding? This is fucking impossible.

But that ritual… It’s too much for anyone to handle. I wonder if mom knows, if she found out how to read that book and if she’s just as scared as I am.

March, 8th

Here’s the thing I don’t understand. Why?
Why did they decide the best thing to do was hide this from us?
Why is the gemini coven so fucking insane and no one did shit to stop this soon?

Why did they think it was ok to make people go through this? To make the coven stronger? Well, guess what? It didn’t work and now everyone is dead.

March, 10th

I need to end it. I need to focus on trying to solve this fucking mess.
But do I explain any of this to Hope when I don’t even know how to explain it to myself?

Finch deserves better, but I don’t know how to do this alone. I don’t know how to do any of this alone.

I’m using her. Both of them. I know that.
I need to fix it.

March, 17th

I did it. I ended it.

I don’t think she’s ever going to forgive me for ruining us. I don’t think I’m ever going to forgive myself for hurting her.

March, 20th

Everything hurts. I can’t control it. And after the party it just got stronger.

I can’t close my eyes without seeing her. I can’t concentrate- The noises are too loud.

Lizzie only noticed her tears when it fell on the page. She didn’t know when she had started to cry, but with every new entry she imagined- She felt what Josie felt.

Dark magic always leaves traces and Josie was dealing with that for months.

Lizzie knew something was wrong. When the magic got too intense, she felt it too, but it all just started to affect her weeks ago and only a couple of times.

She had no idea Josie had spent that much time doing it. Feeling it.

March, 29th

She’s avoiding me like I’m the fucking plage. But why would she want to talk to me? I ruined everything.

I can’t fix us. I can’t find a way to stop the merge. I keep hurting everyone.

Finch, Hope, Lizzie. Mom.

This is too much. This is too fucking much.

April, 8th

The dark objects aren’t working anymore. I’m losing control.

I can’t keep doing this, but I don’t know how to stop it. I can’t stop. I can’t just give up and wait until we’re 22, just hoping for the better, cause there’s no better.

But doing the ritual?

How can anyone live with themselves after doing something like that?

How do you look at yourself in the mirror after?

April, 15th

Valerie keeps calling me. She’s worried, I know. But I know there’s a way, it has to be.

It’s magic 101. Every spell has a loophole. I just need to find it.

I just need to focus.

I just need my mind to stop hating me. I need Aunt Bonnie, but that’s not an option.

I need Hope.

The next pages were illegible. Too many sentences were crossed out, most of them Lizzie recognized as latin, most likely pieces of spells, but she didn’t know what any of them meant.

The last illegible entry, though, was the one Lizzie wished she hadn’t read.

May, 2nd

How did I lose so much control over my own life?

Was my life ever mine?

Lizzie put the journal away. Unlike last time, she wasn’t feeling sick, there wasn’t any trace of dark magic on it, so it didn’t hurt her.

But there was a knot in her throat, making it hard for her to breathe. She wanted to find Josie and hug her. And also demand her to explain what the fuck was going on. Only knowing half of the story wasn’t enough.
Yes, she knew Josie was using dark magic. Bathing on it, probably.

And she was doing it while researching this curse put on or put by the gemini coven on themselves, maybe. Or someone else. Lizzie assumed it was called The Merge. And their mom knew about it too.

And kept from them.

But Lizzie still had no idea who the hell was Valerie and what the ritual Josie kept mentioning consisted on.

It just didn’t make sense.

Why would Josie be trying to find a spell, or learn how to cast it, in order to break the curse if she already knew how to do the ritual that could break the freaking curse?

And what that had to do with her? With them?

Why did their mom keep it all a secret?

Who started this whole thing?

Who the hell was Kai?

What was the curse about?

How did Josie find out? and why did she refuse to tell anyone about it?

Lizzie had so many questions. She felt like her head was about to explode.

But at least one thing she knew for sure, Valerie was the one Josie went for answers and if Valerie kept calling Josie, she had a phone number.

A number Lizzie could use.

_________________________________________________________________________

Hope didn’t hate being a werewolf. But in times like these, when her emotions were all over the place, being a wolf was the worst thing on earth.

Whenever she was anxious or sad, or angry, her wolf felt it too. 50 times more, actually, making it impossible to ignore it. So even though she could control the shifting, she couldn’t choose not to do it.

When her wolf needed to run, Hope needed to run. And since Josie, her wolf seemed to be training for a marathon.

If Keelin was there, she would tell Hope how important it was to feel those feelings instead of bottling them up. She would take a deep breath, pour a glass of white wine and say: Your wolf only overreacts when you don’t act.

Hope knew that, but she didn’t want to feel anything. She wanted to become an amoeba, cause amoebas didn’t think, they didn’t have memories.

She couldn’t, unfortunately.

Accepting her fate, sadly, as a thinking being, she shifted back, daydreaming about her bed. Where she could sleep instead of thinking about Josie or asking herself why she was so strange back in the garden.

Hope had to constantly remind herself that whatever trouble Josie was having now was not hers to solve or fix. Because Josie wasn’t hers. She never was. Hope repeated to herself as she walked past the girls bedroom door.

“There you are.” Said a familiar voice just as Hope was about to go into her own room.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

“Auntie Becks? What are you doing here?”

Hope knew what she was doing there, but she really wished she was wrong.

“Hi, dear!” The woman pulled Hope into a hug. “You kept dodging our calls, so Freya and I decided it was time for a visit.”

“Freya is also here?”

Rebekah smiled as Hope feared for her life. “She’s arriving tomorrow.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck.

Hope didn’t know what her expression was like, but it made Rebekah laugh.

“Breath, Hope.”

“I’m breathing just fine. I’m just surprised. That’s all.”

“Let’s get a drink. Shall we? I’m confident the Mystic Grill still serves good alcohol.”

Chapter Text

“So…” Rebekah started, stirring her drink and driving Hope craze.

“So?”

“How are you, love? What have you been up to?”

The death glare Hope gave her made her laugh.

“What? Can’t an aunt ask about her favorite niece’s life?”

Fair enough.

“I’m awesome. Really loving life without exams. How about you?”

“Oh, you know, I’m fine. Just wondering, as one does, why is my favorite niece still living in a boarding school when she graduated months ago.”

And here we go.

Hope tossed down the rest of her drink.

“I’ve told you this a million times, I don’t want to move away now. And I know you and aunt Freya want me to go to college in New Orleans, but-”

Rebekah cut her off with a smile. “No, we don’t. You can go to college if you want to, or don’t go If don’t want to. That’s not important to us. We just want you to be happy, preferably somewhere, anywhere that’s not Mystic Fall.”

Hope opened her mouth to answer, but Rebekah wasn’t finished.

“You know if the decision was up to us, you'd have left when that whole insanity with Mallivore and that poor boy first started. But you decided to stay, and we respected your decision. But Hope, that was… I don’t even know if I truly understood what happened. Regardless, it was too much. Too dramatic. Too… Traumatic.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

“But not even when Landon was missing you stopped calling us. And now you’ve disappeared.”

“You’re being overdramatic…” She deflected.

“Well, that’s who I am, but it doesn’t make it any less true. I just- I’m sorry if we weren’t here for you when that boy left, I honestly didn’t think it had affected you this much, but-”

“Wait. Wait. Stop.”

“What?”

“Landon and I- Breaking up was the right thing to do and I promise you I’m over him. It took me a long time, but I’m ok. I mean it.”

Rebekah eyed her up and down twice, trying to see through her niece’s facade, but it didn’t seem like the girl was lying.

“Then what’s happening, Hope? You haven’t called as much as you used to and every time you do, it’s as if you’re in autopilot mode. You stopped talking about college, which, by the way, was something you wanted. And you’ve spent a lot of time in the woods.”

“I didn’t- Wait. How do you know how much time I’m spending in the woods?”

“That’s beside the point.”

Hope blinked once. Then twice. Then a third time. Giving her brain enough time to put two and two together.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You had me followed?”

“No. But Marcel is very well connected.”

“And…?”

“Some of his friends saw you - his werewolves friends - and they mentioned that you’re turning more frequently.”

“I’m part werewolf, it is expected of me to be a wolf from time to time.” Defensive was not a word strong enough to describe Hope’s tone in that moment.

“Yes.” Rebekah started slowly. “From time to time, not for consecutives days.”

And for the second time that night, Hope blinked once. Then twice. Then a third and a fourth time.

“Wait a second, that’s why you’re here, isn’t?” Rebekah didn’t answer. “Almost fucking 20 years later, and the tribes are still bothered by me? This is- God. This is so stupid.”

“People have a tendency to be horrible. Humans and not humans alike. But Marcel talked to them, it’s not going to be a problem, it’s just some stupidity about territory, but it made me- it mas us wonder why you were doing it and wondering got us worried.”

“I’m fine, aunt Becks.”

“You don’t have to convince me.” And after a deep breath. “All those years ago, when your mom chose that school for, we honored her wishes because she believed that was the safest place for you at the time, but school is over, sweetheart. It’s time to move on. And don’t even look at me like that. You didn’t actually expect us to let you stay here undefinedly, did you?”

“Let me? No, I didn’t. But I also thought I was allowed to decide for myself. It’s my life after all.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right, it’s your life. But you’re not deciding anything, you’re stalling, and I really wished you’d tell me why. And don’t give me any bullshit about having to stay here to protect the school. if I hear this one more time, I will personally demolish that hideous house.”

“I wasn’t going to.” Hope’s voice came out barely above a whisper.

“Then what it is, Hope? What is keeping you here?”

There it was. The million dollars question. The question that kept Hope wake at night more times than she wanted to admit.

If Rebekah had asked that exact question two months ago, Hope would’ve answered in a heartbeat.

And back then, her answer would not only have a name, but a last name, a social security number and beautiful, beautiful brown eyes.

Now, though, Hope couldn’t even bring herself to look at her aunt. Instead, she stared at her own hands, playing with her rings, trying to think of a single thing to say.

“I don’t want to have the same conversation twice. Can’t we just wait for Aunt Freya?” And before Rebekah could protest: “I promise I’m gonna answer all of you guys’ questions and I won’t make any excuses to avoid you. But right now I really don’t want to talk about it. Any of it.”

“So, there’s a it. Huh.”

Fuck, fuck. Fuck.

“Aunt Becks. Please.”

“Fine. We can wait for Freya.”

Hope left the Mystic Grill feeling uneasy.

She thought about going for a run in the woods, but she was too tired from the last one and Rebekah had asked her no to.

She thought about calling Maya, but sex was the last thing on her mind right now.

She thought about going to the Old Mill with a bottle of wine or/and a few joints, but even that required some level of energy and Hope didn’t have any left.

She thought about going to the gym, to the movies, to the library, but nothing felt right.

And that’s how she found herself back at the school, sat by the fire, watching the flames dancing in front of her. She wished it was raining, just so she could have the perfect atmosphere for a breakdown.

Yes, she managed to escape Rebekah’s interrogation for now, but she still had no idea how to answer her question.

What was keeping her at the Salvatore School?

The plan had always been going to college, but somehow along the way it became “going to college with Josie”.

But now there wasn’t Josie anymore. And it wasn’t like Hope was waiting around thinking that would change… Mostly because it wouldn’t.

There was also no more threats to the school that required Hope being nearby, which meant she could go anywhere. Any fucking where. New Orleans, Paris, Rome, Australia, Japan. And still, she was stuck in the same place she had always been.

Why? Why was she still there?

Why thinking about leaving made her heart race like that? Why her hands felt suddenly so goddamn cold?

Was this some kind of Stockholmer Syndrome where the Salvatore School was her captor with whom she developed a weird kind a of emotionally dependency?

She was so fucking tired. She wanted to scream. Maybe cry and then scream again, but at the same time, she didn’t want to do anything.

And once again she wished she could blame it all on Josie. All her anger, sadness. Cowardness. But Josie didn’t do it alone. Hope agreed to it.

Hell, she begged her for it to continue. More than once – and for what? For it to end and leave her like this?

Frozen. Empty. Not even knowing how to name what they had. Doomed to keep calling it it?

Hope threw her head back, deciding she would now stare at the ceiling.

She was debating whether she would stare at the wall or the carpet next, when she heard the front door opening.

It was Josie, but of course it was Josie – and she wasn’t alone. Because of course she wasn’t alone. Finch was there. Because of course she was there.

They couldn’t see her, thankfully, but if she got up, they would, meaning she would have to wait for them to leave.

Perfect.

“Please, Josie. Talk to me.” And of course they had decided to argue right now.

“I don’t have anything else to say to you, Finch. Everything I do say you don’t believe, so-”

That caught Hope’s attention.

Were they talking about… her?

“I’m trying to, it just- I’m not stupid. I know you’re hiding something.”

Oh.

“Fuck, Finch. I’m not.”

“I’m just saying, whatever it is, you can tell me. I won’t hold it against you.”

In a sick sick way, she had always hoped Finch would find out about them and break things up with Josie. She used to fantasize about the day that would actually happen, but not once Hope thought Finch would actually forgive Josie.

“For the billionth time. There’s nothing going on between Hope and me.”

Well, she wasn’t lying.

“Josie-“

“And even if it had, it’s none of your fucking business anymore, is it?”

With that, Josie shut the door.

And before Hope could think of a spell or any other escape route, Josie turned around.

Their eyes met and Hope wished Mallivore had succeeded, she wished she was dead, she wished an asteroid would collide against the planet right now and end life as we know it.

She wished Rebekah would appear out of nowhere. Or Freya. Or Lizzie. Anyone.

But nothing happened and no one came.

It was just her and Josie and a deadass silence that was driving her crazy.

“Of course.” Josie murmured under her breath, but Hope heard it anyway.

She thought about leaving, but her only options were shitty:

Josie was in front of the door, so if Hope wanted to leave the house, she’d have to go pass the girl.

She could also go upstairs, but there was too much of a chance that Josie would do the same thing, which meant walking together, something that would only make this already weird situation even more awkward.

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

Josie held her gaze for what felt like forever and then did the last thing Hope expected her to.

“I’m sorry you had to see that. If you excuse me…”

She said as she opened the door she had just closed and left.

Hope didn’t go back to stare at the fire, or the celling, much less the wall or the carpet. Instead she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and said out loud,

“It’s not your problem anymore. She is not your problem anymore.”

And repeated it as if it was a mantra, because every single cell in her body wanted to go after Josie and demand answers.

What the fuck was that?

Did they just break up?

Why make the both of them, actually, the three them, go through all of that, only for that to be how it all ended?

What. The. Fuck?

It’s not your problem anymore. She is not your problem anymore.

Chapter Text

Flashback

They stared at each other for what felt like forever. Hope debating whether or not to keep pushing and Josie trying really hard not to let her feelings get the best of her and make her do something she would regret later.

Like telling Hope she was in love with her.

“Please.” Josie spoke again, her voice almost breaking.

Hope was ready to keep asking until she got a real answer out of Josie, but she didn’t have the strength to do it. She felt drained.

“Ok.” She said, quietly. “Take your time.”

“Thank you, but you have to believe me, Hope. I’m so sorry. For everything.” Josie said with a shaky breath as tears started to fall from her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Hope. I’m truly sorry.”
She sounded so broken and Hope had no idea why.

Fuck it.

“Come here.”

Hope closed the distance between them and Josie gladly put her arms around her shoulders, hugging her tightly.

“Are we ok?” Josie asked. Her voice came out weak.

“I don’t know. You tell me. Are we?”

Josie let out the deepest breath. “We are.”

“Ok.” Hope tightened her grip on her waist.

It didn’t feel like they were anything close to ok, and not knowing why was killing Hope from the inside out, but in that moment, she couldn’t help but feel relieved, because Josie was there.

Hope wasn’t losing her. At least, not tonight.

 _______________________________________________________________

Hope woke up the next morning feeling disorientated, to say the least.

Her talk (?) - fight (?) - with Josie still all so fresh in her mind.

She had no idea if things were really ok between them, regardless of what the girl said, and so she did what she does best, she pretended it was for the rest of the night.

Mostly because they had already spent a lot of time outside and soon enough someone – Finch– would come looking for them, but also because Hope didn’t want to prolong that conversation.

Yes, she wanted to know why Josie was actively ignoring her, but she didn’t want to get into a fight with her, which was what that whole thing was turning into.

A very strange argument. One Hope had no idea what it was about, but she was determined to find out.

And that’s what she tried to do for the next 3 days.

She tried and tried to find out what was happening with Josie – with them, but it was pointless.

Josie wasn’t ignoring her anymore, but she was avoiding being alone with her.

Every single time Hope had tried to get her alone, she failed. And boy did she try.

Her first attempt was the very next morning. Her initial and most naïve plan was to wait for Josie at the cafeteria, but of course Josie wasn’t there.

“She went back to Finch’s last night. Said she’ll back tomorrow.” Lizzie had said, making Hope’s internal organs twist and turn with the thought of Josie sleeping with that thing she called girlfriend.

Didn’t she have a perfectly comfortable bed upstairs?

Anyhow, Hope waited until the next day.

And sure enough there Josie was.

With.

Finch.

We don’t need to get into all the murderous thoughts Hope’s had when she saw the two of them cuddling in the couch. But still, she endured and tried to ask Josie if they could talk later, to which Josie said:

“Sure, I’ll find you.”

Spoiler alert: she didn’t.

Hope a feeling the girl didn’t even tried to, actually – find her that is. Because Hope stayed in her room, waiting and waiting.

And. Waiting.

Unlike any other day, she was a really easy person to be found that night – If someone cared to look for her, which wasn’t the case. At all.

Regardless, Hope tried again the next afternoon. Finch had finally remembered she had her own house and so Josie was free. No muppet girlfriend around, that was Hope’s window to act.

She waited for Josie in the garden, knowing she had to take care of the herbs there while the Botanic Teacher was out on leave, and sure enough Josie showed up, with not one, not two, but 8 sixth graders.

“Hope, hey. Didn’t expect to see you here.” She said with a smile. As if everything was ok and it was just another beautiful day at the Salvatore School for the Young and Gifted.

“Yeah, I was actually hoping to talk you. I guess you were busy yesterday.”

“I told I’d find you later, I’m sorry.” She said apologetically, Hope almost believed her. Almost. “Finch left really late, I didn’t want to bother you.”

“It’s fine.” No, it’s not. “But I supposed you’re busy now too.”

“Yes, kinda. Dad asked me to help until Mr. Fairchild comes back.”

And why not bring the whole class along, right?

“I’ll leave you to it, then.” Hope tried not to sound angry, but she wasn’t sure she succeeded.

She left after that, fighting the urge to cast a Incendia and laugh as the herbs burn.

That night Lizzie invited her to movie night, along with MG and of course Josie, but the thought of having to pretend yet again that everything was fine between them and the sense of dread that came with that was enough for Hope to say “no, thanks”.

She figured she had humiliated herself enough for one day and decided to try again in the morning.

Her hopes of finding Josie alone had drastically diminished, so she decided to change her tactics instead. She would talk to Josie in front of whoever the fuck was there. It could be Finch, it could be Lizzie, it could be Dr. Saltzman for all she cared.

Having set a new plan, Hope made her away to the cafeteria, sitting by Lizzie’s side like she always did.

MG showed up shortly after. But Josie never did.

She tried the library, the garden, the cafeteria again, Dr. Saltzman’s offices, the classroom, The Mill, but Josie was nowhere to be found.

Lizzie had no idea where she was either.

Hope felt like she was leaving a real life version of Pac Man, where she was one of the ghosts.

Eventually, she gave up, but not because she wanted to, simply because there wasn’t anywhere else to check. She figured Josie had to come back at some point, so she picked a book – A Psalm for the Wild-Built –, ironically the one Josie gave to her, and went to living room, choosing the chair that had the best view of the door, not bothering to be subtle.

She was halfway through the story, and unfortunately enjoying it, when the front door was opened.

But it wasn’t Josie.

It was never Josie.

It was no longer after that that Hope got tired of counting how many people opened that freaking door.

She also stopped reading – she was two chapters away from finishing the book, but if she did it, she would have to get up to find something else to do and Josie could show up in the meantime.

It was too much of a risk.

More hours passed and nothing fucking happened.

It was almost 10 pm when Hope, as stubborn as she was, had to give up. She also had to admit how ridiculous she was being and how ridiculous this whole situation was.

Frustrated, irritated, and all around pissed off, Hope made her way upstairs, leaving the book in the chair, sick and tired of looking at its cover. She passed the twins’ bedroom without sparing it a second look, but then she heard a voice.

Josie’s voice.

No way. Was she there the whole time?

How?

“No, Finch. For the billionth time, no.”

She was on the phone, that part was clear, and in what looked like a fight with Finch. Hope thought about waiting for that to end and maybe knock, but then, then she heard the last thing she expected to hear.

Her name.

“Hope is my friend, for God’s sake.”

What did she had to do with anything?

“What you want me to say? She’s-”

“I’m not sleeping with her!”

Oh. Oh. So that’s what was happening.

It wasn’t a secret that Hope never liked Finch, but she truly loathed that girl now.

“I so fucking tired of having the same argument over and over again.”

“You know what? Maybe we should.”

Hope heard a thud and then, silence.

She didn’t need to see inside the room to know that was most likely the sound of Josie’s phone hitting the ground. Or something else being thrown against the wall. She also knew talking to Josie right now was a terrible idea. Maybe one or the worst ones she’s ever had, but that didn’t stop her from knocking.

A moment passed and nothing happened.

In any other day, Hope would take that was her cue to go and leave Josie alone, but not tonight.

She knocked again. “Josie, it’s me. I know you’re there.”

Hope kept staring at that door for what felt like forever, until Josie finally opened.

“Hope, hi. I’m sorry, I- it’s not a good time.” She said as she stared firmly at the ground.

But Hope didn’t need to see her face to know she was crying.

The girl had just gotten into what it seemed to be a huge fight with her girlfriend, so that wasn’t much of a surprise. What did surprise Hope was how it seemed like Josie had been crying long before opening the door.

“I know. I heard.” Was all Hope said as she pushed past Josie, deciding it was pointless to wait for an invitation.

Josie's grip on the doorknob tightened and Hope couldn't help but notice the tension radiating from her.

“You mean-”

“I mean…” Hope cut her off, placing her hand over Josie’s, shutting the door herself. “I heard when you said to Finch that we’re not sleeping together”

And then Josie lost it.

“Hope, I’m sorry. That was- She’s jealous, it’s stupid.” She said, exasperated.

“I don’t give a fuck about what Finch thinks, Jo, but now I can’t help but think that this is why you were avoiding me before”

“That’s not it, Hope. I swear.”

Hope run her hands through her hair, feeling frustrated like she’s never felt before.

“Ok, then what is? What am I missing here Josie? Because I’ve spent the last few days trying to talk to you, but you were never alone, always busy and now this?” Josie tried to speak once more, but Hope stopped her again.

“And don’t give any bullshit about ‘telling me later’, or how you ‘don’t wanna talk about it right now’, cause I’m seriously losing my shit here. I was practically camping out downstairs, waiting for you, because it felt like ambushing you was the only way to get you to talk to me. Do you have any idea how insane that is? So can you please tell me what the fuck is going on with you?”

Josie didn’t answer, she didn’t even breathe. She seemed to have forgotten how to.

“Please.” Hope tried one more time.

Josie rubbed her forehead as if trying to soothe the mess of thoughts crowding her mind, finally letting out a strained laugh that held no humor whatsoever. "God, this is such a disaster”.

She wasn’t crying, but Hope could tell she was about to. She just didn’t know if it was out of sadness or anger.

“What is?” Hope asked, but instead of answering, Josie made her way to the bed and sat down. Her eyes met the girl’s one second later, who stood frozen by the door, waiting.

“You know I haven’t told Finch the truth about the school… Or about me, and any of us.” Hope nodded. “Which was fine when we first started dating, because I was living with Elena and Damon, and back then I didn’t know if it was going to be a serious thing or not, but then when the whole thing with Mallivore happened and she only knew what I told her, which was that Landon was missing and you had gone after him. I couldn’t tell her what was really happening, and frankly I didn’t want to, but she saw how worried I was and I did tell her I was going to New Orleans to look for you-”

Hope tried her best not to interrupt, but the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

“So, what? She thinks we had sex in the middle of Bourbon Street?”

Josie pretended she didn’t hear that.

“She thinks something happened and that’s why you and Landon broke up. I told her it was nothing like that, but she didn’t- she doesn’t believe me. And when you and I got closer, it only served to prove her point.”

Hope waited for Josie to continue, but nothing happened.

“What point?” She asked, breaking the silence.

A faint, embarrassed flush crept up the girl’s neck, blooming across her cheeks as she let out a nervous breath.

When she finally spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper.

“That I had feelings for you.”

Hope was aware Josie was still talking, but she stopped listening. Too caught up in her own thoughts, or thought, singular, because there was just one thing going through her mind.

“You’re ignoring me because she asked you to.” She said, her voice quivering.

Josie stopped mid-sentence, whatever she intended to say no longer important.

“No, it wasn’t like that at all.”

“Then why, Josie?”

“Finch didn’t asked me to stop talking to you, ok?” The girl fumbled with her hands. She was nervous, it was obvious, but Hope needed to know. She needed to understand. “Nothing like that happened. The reason why I ignored you it was because- it’s because she’s right.”

“Right about what, Josie?” Hope snapped. “About us having sex in the middle of the bourbon street? Cause I think I’d remember that.”

“Not about us.” She trailed off. “About me.”

“What do you mean?”

“God” It was Josie’s turn to snap. Her voice tighten and strained. “I’m saying she’s right about me liking you. Because I do.”

Hope’s eyebrows furrowed, her heart faltering as if it had unlearned how to beat. She stared at Josie, trying to make sense of her words, her mind scrambling to process whether she had heard the girl correctly.

She parted her lips, only to close them again when no words came out. All the while, Josie kept talking.

“You don’t need to do anything about this, ok?” Josie started saying. “I’m just telling you because you asked. We don’t even need to talk about it. In fact, we can just forget this conversation all together…”

Hope let her eyes fall to the ground, her jaw clenching, before slowing lifting her head, the movement deliberated, almost hesitant, her eyes narrowing slightly as she locked onto Josie’s across the room.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Josie bit down on her lower lip, her teeth holding there as if the pain might help keep her grounded. Her fingers dug into the palm of her hand – the slight tremor in her hands betraying just how tightly she was holding on.

“I didn’t know how to.” She finally said.

Hope’s expression shifted, unreadable but piercing.

“You should’ve told me.”

Josie tried to speak, but Hope cut her off by opening the door. “I need to go.” She said.

“Wait, Hope. Please.” Josie stood up, crossing the room in a second. “I’m sorry, please, just- Don’t go.” She said, her voice low, but pleading. “I know ignoring you was a shitty move, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but what difference would that have made anyway?”

Hope’s hand hovered over the doorknob, fingers brushing it lightly but not gripping it. She met Josie’s eyes one more time.

“We’ll never know now, will we?” Was all she said before she leaving.

 _______________________________________________________________

Josie couldn’t sleep, she tried to, but she wasn’t tired. Far from it. Her mind was very much awakened. It was as if she was stuck in loop, replaying that last hour over and over again.

“We’ll never know now, will we?”

“We’ll never know now, will we?”

“We’ll never know now, will we?”

What Hope meant by that?

“We’ll never know now, will we?”

“We’ll never know now, will we?”

Was there anything to know?

Josie had spent the last 4 hours analyzing and overanalyzing what the girl had said, but she got nothing. The one thing that somewhat made sense was too unrealist to even be considered.

“We’ll never know now, will we?”

“We’ll never know now, will we?”

Guess we fucking won’t.

Josie kicked off the covers. It wasn’t a hot night, but the chill in the air didn’t bring her any relief – it seemed to press in on her, instead, making the air feel dense, suffocating.

“We’ll never know now, will we?”

Her breaths came in uneven gasps, her chest tight as if the icy air was heavier than it should be, filling the space with a weight she couldn’t escape.

“We’ll never know now, will we?”

The room was too still, too quiet. She needed to get out of there.

So that’s what she did.

She moved through the hallways with practiced ease, her footsteps barely making a sound against the woody floor.

Thankfully, breathing got easier as she walked, but Hope’s words were still echoing in her mind, like a broken record.

From where she was standing, she could see the faint glow of light spilling from the crack beneath the girls' bedroom door, casting a soft, golden hue on the dark hallway, meaning she was awake. Meaning, Josie could walk up there right now and knock – actually ask the girl what she meant, instead of trying to guess.

The thing was, as easily as Josie could choose to do that, Hope could choose to shut the door in her face.

She knew what the right decision was. And that was turning around and going back to her bedroom.

But as much as she tried, she couldn’t, something was pulling her there, something – maybe a death wish – that was now controlling her legs, making her walk.

Well.

Here goes nothing.

_______________________________________________________________

“I know I’m the last person you’d wanna see right now, but can we talk?” Josie blurted once Hope opened the door.

“Josie? It’s 4 am. Can’t this wait?”

“No, it can’t.” It was her turn to push pass Hope and walk into her bedroom, despite not being invited in.

The whole room was bathed in a soft, muted light that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at once. It felt… Warm, but in a nice way, nothing like the one she had just run away from.

She waited for Hope to kick her out, was ready for it, actually, but the sound of the door being closed behind her meant she was safe. For now.

Once she was inside, the first thing she noticed was the half painted canvas on the counter.

The second was Hope’s bed, still perfectly made, as if she hadn’t even tried to go to sleep or, much like Josie herself, had given up on it all together.

The third was the joint burning in the ashtray by the window.

Hope walked past her, sitting down on the bed. Josie didn’t move.

“What it’s so important that you couldn’t wait until morning?” Hope asked. “When you left earlier, you said ‘we’ll never know’, what did you mean?”

Hope rubbed her forehead, her fingers pressing into her temple as the realization sank in.

“I meant I wished you had told me sooner.”

“I got that part. But why?” She insisted. Hope’s eyes met her gaze then, but just for a split second, before darting away, sending shivers down Josie’s spine.

She wondered, not for the first time, if there would ever come a day Hope would stop affecting her like this.

“It is literally the reason why you stopped talking to me, don’t you think I deserved to know?” Hope asked instead of answering, as her hands ran through her hair in frustration.

And just like that, the tables turned. It wasn’t Josie asking the questions anymore, it was Hope.

“I do,” Josie replied as she moved toward the bed, sitting down in front of her. She waited again for Hope to tell her to leave, but nothing happened. “And I’m terribly sorry I didn’t tell you, I just- I know it was wrong, I know I screw up, but I honestly believed I was doing the right thing, I need you to understand that.” She added.

“What makes you so sure?” Hope asked, her eyes fixed on her hands resting in her lap.

Josie followed her movements, her gaze drifting.

Hope wasn’t someone who let emotions get the best of her. She was always poised, always composed – calm, even when she wasn’t. But over time, Josie had come to realize there was one thing that betrayed that carefully crafted facade: her hands.

More precisely, the way she started to absently twist the ring on her middle finger whenever she was nervous.

It was subtle, but it was there, and Hope was doing it right now.

What Josie couldn’t figure out was why.

“It wasn’t like me telling you would change anything, anyway, so why make everything worse, you know?” Like it is right now.

Hope looked up. “Again, what makes you so sure?”

“Of what?” Josie asked, genuinely confused. When Hope replied, her voice came out small. “That it wouldn’t change anything?”

This time, Hope didn’t look away and neither did Josie.

She wasn’t sure she understood what Hope was saying, and wanted to ask what she meant, what things, but when she did speak, what came out was,

“If I had told you that I had feelings for you, what would you have said?”

That question was only meant to be a way to prove her point – to prove to Hope that had she said anything, she would’ve either avoided her entirely or pretend like nothing ever happened, like everything was fine, even if it wasn’t, which would eventually make things worse and ruin their friendship.

But as she looked at Hope now, waiting for her to respond, she felt exposed in a way she hadn’t anticipated. It was like a mix of fear and vulnerability, like every inch of her was laid bare for Hope to see and judge and, untimely, reject.

Josie clenched her hands into fists to stop them from trembling, as she fought the urge to run away as fast as she could.

“That’s- that’s not the point.” Hope said, as she stood up, ready to walk away, but before she could take another step, Josie gripped her wrist, her fingers tightened around her pulse, a silent plea that held Hope in place.

“Then what is? When you said: ‘we’ll never know’, what did you mean? What is there to know?”

The air felt still around them, yet there was a sense of something lingering, waiting.

“I meant things could’ve been different between you and me… It could’ve been different.”

Josie’s breath hitched, and she froze, letting go of the girl’s arm. “Different how?” She asked.

“Better, maybe.”

“Better how, Hope?” She insisted. “What are you trying to say here?”

“I’m saying…” Hope hesitated, as she stared into Josie’s eyes, making every cell on her body light up and burn and ache. “…I have feelings for you too.”

Josie didn’t move, she didn’t even breathe, all she could feel was her heart pounding in her chest, each beat so fast and loud it seemed to echo in her ears.

“When?” She managed to ask.

Hope run her hands through her hair one more, tucking the strands behind her ears before sitting back down, in front of Josie. “Does that really matter?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t actually know, Josie. It’s not like I woke up someday, saw you and thought “Huh, I wanna kiss her’. It wasn’t like that.”

Josie did her best to ignore that last part.

“Then how it was?”

“I don’t think that there was an exact moment, Josie.” Hope took a deep breath. “But every time I think about it, I always go back to that summer, after everyone found out that I was a Mikaelson, and not just Hope Marshall, remember? Lizzie went to visit your mom, but you decided to stay here.”

Of course she remembered, it was the best months of her life, but Hope didn’t need to know that. She also didn’t need to know she was the reason why Josie chose to stay at the school.

Not trusting her own voice, she only nodded.

“Back then, you were the only person that didn’t look at me like I was an abomination and because we were the only ones here, we got closer, until-”

“Until Lizzie got back and freak out when she saw us together at the Mystic Grill.”

Hope rolled her eyes.

“Yeah… Ever so loving, as she always is. But to answer your question, I guess that summer was when I started to…” She trailed off, trying to decide what the right words would be.

“To…?” Josie prompted gently, urging her to continue, her tone soft but persistent.

“To…” Hope let out a strangled laugh… “Waking up, seeing you and thinking ‘huh, I wanna kiss her’”

To say Josie felt the air leaving her lungs wasn’t the right description. It was more like someone had punched her ribs so hard, she would never be able to breath on her own ever again.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She felt stupid repeating the same thing Hope had asked her but did it anyway.

“You don’t remember.” Hope stated, the surprise clear in her voice. “I tried to tell you. I went to you room to tell you, but then you told me…”

Fuck. Fuck.

Fucking hell.

“I told you Penelope had asked me out.”

“Yes, you did.” Fuck. “Then you guys started dating and by the time you broke up… Well, a lot had happened.”

Josie didn’t need to ask what she meant this time.

It couldn’t have been more than a week or two after Penelope had broken up with her. She was in her dad’s office when he got the call. It was her mom, saying Hope’s father, Klaus Mikaelson, had died.

“Of course.” Josie stood up, her hands trembling slightly as she tried to steady herself, her heart still beating too fucking fast.

Her eyes darted around, not quite able to focus on anything, it was as if every part of her was caught between wanting to escape and needing to stay.

She turned around, facing Hope one more time.

“So when you said ‘Things could’ve been different’, you meant that if I had told you I liked you, you’d have told me you liked me back?”

Hope stood up as well. “I like to believe I would. Yes.”

“But instead, you met Landon.” Josie said.

“And you met Finch.” Hope replied.

Finch. Right. Her girlfriend, whom she just had a fight with, about Hope.

Hope, who was now telling her that she liked her ever since they were 15 years old.

Hope, who was now looking at her, as beautiful as she’s always been.

“I don’t know what to say.” She admitted after the silence got too much.

“I don’t either, but Josie” Hope walked closer to her, taking the girl’s hand in hers. “I’m not mad or angry at you, ok? I don’t want you to think that.”

Josie looked down at their hand together. The sight made her eyes sting.

“But you were.”

“I was, before. Because you were ignoring me, and I had no idea why.”

“I’m sorry…. I’m so sorry, Hope.” She started saying as she began to play with Hope’s ring, the one she played with when she was nervous. Her fingers traced the smooth metal, turning it back and forth as if trying to find something to focus on, anything to stop her mind from spiraling.

Hope watched her for a moment, before gently stopping Josie’s movement. Her touch was soft, but firm enough to catch Josie’s attention.

“It’s ok. I don’t think I was ever angry, not really. Just confused and… Sad.” Hope let out a humorless laugh. “I just- I got so used to have you around all the time, that not talking to you felt… I don’t know, wrong. Unnatural.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” Josie replied, the tears she felt forming threatened to fall as she tried her best not to let them.

She was so fucking tired of crying.

Unable to hold Hope’s gaze any longer, she turned away, her movements slow and hesitant. She made her way back to the bed, sitting down.

Hope mimicked her actions, taking the place next to her.

They sat there, in silence for a while, but it wasn’t awkward or heavy.

It was needed.

“I can’t believe I told you I like you.” Josie eventually said, more to herself than anything else, as she tried to make sense of everything that just happened. “I can’t believe you told me you liked me… What do you do now?” She asked, turning her head to face the other girl.

Hope didn’t answer right away, though, too lost in her own mind. But when she did speak, Josie wished she hadn’t

“It sounds like a bad joke.”

Josie furrowed her eyebrows, confused. “What does?”

“You and me.” Hope said as she tried to laugh. Except, it didn’t really sound like laughing, it was more like a sharp exhale, the sound brief and dry, carrying none of the warmth or joy a real laugh might have. “I didn’t tell you I liked you, Josie. I told you I like you. Present tense. And you told me you like me too. But you have a girlfriend, that apparently hates me because she thinks we are sleeping together, when we haven’t even kissed, despite having feelings for one another, for what? Years, now? It’s all just-”

“A bad joke.” Josie finished her sentence, feeling once again her heart start to beat faster than it should.

Hope was looking into her eyes with an intensity that made her breath hitch. Like she could see straight through her, past every wall Josie had ever built, right into the depths of her soul. Her gaze was unwavering, heavy with something that demanded to be acknowledged.

“I can’t help but wonder what could’ve happen if we had just… Told each other what we felt…” Hope started saying, as her gaze shifted from Josie’s eyes to her mouth, then back to her eyes again.

Josie froze, her hands gripping the edge of the bed as she watched Hope’s face come closer, the space separating them shrinking.

“Hope…”

She stopped moving, but her eyes didn’t leave Josie’s lips. “Yes?”

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to find out what we could have been.” Josie felt the warmth of Hope’s breath ghosting over her skin as she spoke.

“Hope, we can’t.” She whispered, her voice thick with desire, and laced with guilt.

“Why?” Hope’s voice was quiet, almost pleading. “I have I girlfriend.” She swallowed hard, the words heavy on her tongue.

Hope locked eyes with her, and Josie felt her whole body burn in anticipation.

“I know. I just don’t care.”

“Hope.” She tried again as her hand instinctively reached up, pressing gently against Hope’s chest to stop her.

“Tell me to stop and I will.”

When Josie didn’t say anything, Hope spoke again.

“Do you want me to stop? Yes or no?”

Josie’s breath hitched, the temptation so close she could almost taste it.

“No.”

Hope ended the space between them one second later – her hands finding her way through Josie’s shirt, grabbing her waist as their lips met, pulling the girl impossibly close.

She was kissing Josie so deliciously hard that all Josie could do was pull her closer and closer, her own hands lost in the girl’s hair as her body throbbed.

There was a part of her, the sane part of her, screaming how wrong that was.

But when Hope pulled her to her lap, making Josie wrap her legs around her hips, as her lips found their way to her neck, Josie chose to ignore it.

Yes, she might, probably would, regret this later, just not while Hope’s hands were grabbing her breast, and the girl was moaning her name.

As of now, she couldn’t feel nothing but Hope, she couldn’t hear anything but her – nothing else mattered.

And after that night, she feared nothing else would.

Chapter Text

Flashback

Josie had been staring at the ceiling for what felt like forever, it was her strategy to avoid the images that kept appearing everytime she closed her eyes.

Hope’s hands oh hers, her mouth on her breast… The way Hope’s eyes turned gold as she watched Josie come. Everytime.

God.

Josie wished, not for the first time that morning, she could crawl into a hole and never come out.

One of her best qualities – and worst flaws – was her self-criticism. So condemning herself wasn’t something new to Josie, but she never once imagined she would have to add “cheater” to the list.

Loyalty was the part of her personality she was most proud of. It was the base of it.

It was the reason people thought of her as trustworthy. Stable. Dependable.

Not a cheater. A Lier.

And yet here she was, lying to everyone for weeks, cheating on her girlfriend with Hope Mikaelson and not at all sorry for it.

She felt no remorse. She didn’t regret one second of it.

How could she? She had dreamed about being Hope since… Well, forever

But in all of those scenarios, she never thought it would actually happen. It was always a fantasy. A hell of a good one. One she cherished very much, but never more than that.

But last night-God, it was so much better than anything she could have imagined.

Having Hope that close. Being able to touch her, to kiss her… She never wanted to stop.

She wanted to go to Hope’s room right now and kiss her, tell her how much she loved her, get down to one knee and propose.

But she couldn’t. Hope wasn’t hers to have and Josie wasn’t allowed to want her.

She had a girlfriend, and Hope was in love with Landon. Whatever happened last night, whatever Hope said… It was a mistake.

Right?

“I didn’t tell you I liked you, Josie. I told you I like you. Present tense.”

Josie closed her eyes again.

She could almost feel Hope on top of her, kissing her neck, whispering the most unholy profanities in her ear.

Fuck.

“I like you. Present tense.”

What the fuck “like you” means? “Like you like a friend”? “Like you like a rebound I need to get over my ex-boyfriend”? “Like you” as in “I’m horny and you happen to be here”?

Josie opened her eyes as Lizzie ever so loudly opened the door.

“Finally, you’re awake. Mom is gonna be here at any second. Please, be ready.”

The lunch.

Fuck. Fucking hell.

Josie forgot all about that. A testament of how out of orbit she actually was. Their mom visit was all Lizzie talked about for the last two weeks.

“I said Please, be ready.” Lizzie repeat as Josie gave no indication of getting up anytime soon.

A knock on the door was the only reason she didn’t tell Lizzie to fuck off.

“Tell mom I need a minute.” Said Josie still laying down, still staring at the ceilling.

“One second!” Lizzie shouted, and then to Josie. “It’s not mom, it’s Hope. She’s coming with us, remember?”

Josie all but ran to the bathroom. It wasn’t her finest moment.

But in her defense, Lizzie was already opening the door and she had no time to think of a better plan than hiding.

She hadn’t time to pick a outfit either, a fact she only realized once she stepped out of the shower.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Josie could hear Lizzie’s voice through the door, but not Hope’s. Which meant nothing concrete.

Lizzie could easily talk for hours and Hope would more often than not dissociate and just let her.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck it.

Josie opened the door, a towel and Lizzie the only two things between Hope and her.

Painfully aware of Hope’s eyes going up and down her body, Josie fantasized about jumping from a very high building.

“HI, Josie”

“Hi-”

“You’re late.” Lizzie cut her off. “Mom is gonna be here at any second and if we’re not ready she’s gonna be pissed.”

Clothes in hand, Josie turned to Lizzie. “You need to calm the fuck down.” She closed the bathroom door.

Josie was usually patient with Lizzie, especially when it came to their mom. But Hope’s perfume was still lingering in her skin – the shower did nothing to help in that matter.

Hope herself was sitting in her bed, making the entire room smell like her and looking at Josie like that.

It was driving her crazy. And that was all the craziness she could handle today.

Lizzie would have to back down.

By the time she was dressed, and ready Lizzie was nowhere to be found.

Meaning, she was alone with Hope.

Perfect.

“She went to see if Caroline has arrived.”

When Josie said nothing back, Hope took as her chance to speak again.

“I’m sorry to ambush you like this. I forgot about Caroline’s visit and when Lizzie saw me at breakfast, I couldn’t think of a way to get out of it.”

Crossing the room, Josie stood in front of the mirror. She busied herself with fixing her makeup even though there was nothing to fix.

As Hope spoke, she met her gaze through the reflection.

“It’s fine.”

“You sure? Cause I have a feeling you were planning to ignore me today, seeing as you fled this morning.” Hope said with a smile, but her tone showed she wasn’t actually amused.

“Planning? No. Hoping? Maybe.” Josie tried a joke. It didn’t work.

Hope only stared at her.

“We need to talk about last night at some point, Josie.”

No, we don’t.

“I know we do. I just don’t know what to say, Hope.” She turned around at the same time Hope stood up.

Hope closed the distance between them in a second, in the same way she had done the night before.

The feeling of déjà vu that came over Josie was suffocating, but this time Hope didn’t reach for her hand.

Josie didn’t miss how Hope let her hands drop halfway through, though, as if she’d been about to do just that, but changed her mind in the last second.

“Then let me start.” Josie barely nodded. “I’m sorry for last night. It shouldn’t have happened like that. I shouldn’t have told you like that.”

Josie didn’t dare to breathe, she stood completely still as Hope spoke, doing her very best to control her heart that now seemed to have moved from her chest and was now pounding in her ears.

“But I’m not sorry, or I ever will be, for what happened next.”

Josie was dizzy. Her body felt on fire, which made no sense, because she was feeling unbearably cold.

She couldn’t feel her heartbeat racing anymore. Not because it wasn’t, but because she could hear it anymore. Hope’s voice had drowned out everything else. She saw nothing. Heard nothing. Only her.

“But if you are, if you think last night was a mistake and you want to pretend it never happened, I promise to never bring it up again.”

Josie didn’t lie. She knew they needed to talk, but whatever she thought of saying felt inadequate.

She needed time. She needed to find the right words.

She did just cheat on her girlfriend with her best friend, for God’s sake. Said best friend with whom she had been in love with even before she understood what love was.

She couldn’t just improvise and hope for the best.

But here Hope was, saying the right words. The ones Josie didn’t know she needed to hear.

And God, she was beautiful. Josie desperately wanted to hold her.

“I don’t.” Josie finally spoke. “I don’t want to pretend nothing happened. That’s the last thing I want.” Hope’s expression stayed unreadable, but Josie noticed her breath ease. Barely, but enough to show a hint of relief. “But I did cheat on Finch with you. You didn’t make me do it, I chose to and I need to come to terms with that choice before anything else. I’m sorry. I need to talk to her and then you and I can talk.”

It was the right thing to do.

Right?

“Ok.” Was all Hope managed to say before Lizzie came running through the door.

“Mom’s here!”

 _______________________________________________________________

Lizzie closed the door behind her as quietly as she could. Her dad had said he would be back the next day, but that did nothing to ease her nerves.

Alaric’s study, unlike his personal life, was as neat as it gets.

She moved cautiously, her eyes darting toward the heavy oak desk where she knew he kept the book she needed.

Josie’s diary were nothing but descriptive.

“Dissero.” She whispered, siphoning from the wall behind the desk.

The top drawer unlocked. Lizzie smiled. She opened it, fingers brushing past old pens, crumpled notes, and forgotten receipts. Her brow furrowed as she dug deeper, but then, then, her hand froze. Her eyes widened. A sharp breath escaped her lips, half disbelief, half joy. She pulled the book out slowly, as if afraid it might vanish.

A dark blue, worn out cover stared back at her.

“The Gemini Coven: history and tales.”

Heart beating a little faster than it should, Lizzie locked the drawer, leaving the room as fast as she could.

She walked the whole way from her father’s office to her room looking over her shoulder, afraid someone would see her, know what she was doing. It was stupid, she knew.

Worst case scenario, if someone saw her, all they would see was a girl holding a book. No big deal. No body. No crime.

Just a girl and a book.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Hope woke up that morning feeling awful. Her heart racing as if she had just run a fucking marathon and her whole body aching as if she had been hit by a truck.

One didn’t need to be a genius to figure out the cause of her anxiety, the one and only Freya Mikaelson, who had just arrived in town and was “expecting Hope shortly”. Meaning: Hope had no way out, she would have to go. Ditching was a distant distant dream.

She was ready to go, by the way. Had been ready for the last half an hour, she just didn’t want to leave her bedroom.

Starring at the door seemed such a better idea.

Or at least it did… Until Lizzie came rushing through it. A book in her hand and a crazy look in her eyes.

Hope cursed under her breath as the blonde said “We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t.” She got up, stopping Lizzie before the girl had a chance to close the door. “My aunts are waiting for me, I have to go.”

“What the fuck? To New Orleans?”

“What? No. They are here, they’ve arrived yesterday.” Hope explained as she not so gently pushed Lizzie out of the room.

“Can’t you call them and said you’re busy?”

“I really, really can not.”

“But Hope,” Lizzie started saying, brushing Hope’s hands off her. “It’s important. It’s about Josie.”

Fuck.

Hope turned around. “Did something happen? Is she ok?”

“Physically, yes, but-”

Hope let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, ignoring how fast her heart started to beat. “Then, it’s not my problem, Lizzie.”

“Hope, c’mon.”

“No. Josie is not my problem anymore.”

Lizzie let out a deep breath. “God, I hate sapphics. I’m not saying she was or is your problem. I’m saying she might be in trouble and I need your help. If you made her your problem at some point that’s on you, not on me, much less on her.”

Hope didn’t bother to answer, she didn’t have the energy to.

“I have to go. I’m late.” Was all she said, before walking away, leaving a pissed off Lizzie behind.

“Very mature, Hope. Very fucking mature.” Lizzie shouted.

 _______________________________________________________________

The whole way down the stairs Hope had only one thought.

Josie. Whom apparently needed her help.

A fact she was deliberately choosing to ignore.

Everyone knew Lizzie had a tendency to exaggerate. To turn small, tiny problems into the end of the world.

Josie was fine. Lizzie said she was fine.

Hope got the front door repeating that to herself.

By the time she started the car she had made a mental list of all possible enemies Caroline and Alaric had had that were still alive and could choose to get their revenge on them using their children.

Then, she listed all of her enemies, the Mikaelson’s enemies.

She was halfway to the manor when she turned around.

Yes, she knew Josie wasn’t in any immediate danger. Lizzie would have told her if that was the case.

But that knowledge did nothing to ease the tight knot forming in Hope’s stomach or the ache in her chest that only grew worse and worse by the minute, exposing the truth Hope was trying not to face, the reason she didn’t know what was happening: she wasn’t part of Josie’s life anymore, how could she know what was happening to her? How could she be sure she was safe?

 _______________________________________________________________

Finding Lizzie was easier than Hope anticipated, seeing as the girl was just where Hope had left her. In her bedroom. A book opened in her lap.

“Took you long enough.” The blonde said, as she tried to smile. But Hope could tell she was crying.

“You’re scaring me, Lizzie. What the hell is going on?”

Lizzie didn’t answer. Instead, she handed Hope the book she was holding.

“Among all rites practiced by the Gemini Coven, none holds greater significance than the Merge.” Hope read. “What is this?”

“Just keep reading.”

It is the cornerstone of Gemini identity, the ritual that binds their power, preserves their lineage, and ensures the continuation of their bloodline.

While many outside the Coven have attempted to reduce it to a simple act of magical absorption, the truth of the Merge is far more complex, sacred, and deeply rooted in the origins of the Coven.

The Merge is not an act of destruction, but of preservation.

In the ritual, once the twins turn twenty-two years old, one twin – known as the Bearer – absorbs the life-magic of the other – the Tided -, gaining their sibling’s strength, memory, and magical essence, while the consciousness of the Tied is said to endure within the Bearer, though no longer tethered to a separate body.

Through this union, the power stabilizes once more, strengthened rather than diminished.

Since the founding of the Gemini Coven, the Merge has ensured the survival and unparalleled strength of their bloodline.

In this way, the Gemini do not diminish with time.

They compound.

They ascend.

They endure.

“What the fuck?”

“My thoughts exactly.” Was all Lizzie said.

“What is this, Lizzie? What did Josie do?”

With a sight, Lizzie answered. “As far as I know, she didn’t really do anything. My best guess is that she’s trying to find a way to prevent this Merge from happening and she’s using dark magic to do it.”

What the fuck?

“Wait. Just- Wait. What exactly did I read?”

“This is the book the tells the stories of our Coven. And apparently, we are bound to do this ritual, The Merge. Being the only two twins left alive and all.”

To Hope, Lizzie was speaking Japanese.

“How did you find this out? How did Josie find out?”

“Dad kept this book in his office. I stole Josie’s diary and found out where, so I went and took it.” Lizzie let out a deep breath. “Apparently, Josie overheard mom and dad arguing about it months ago. They never told us.”

“Wait. You said bound. What do you mean by that?”

“Go to page 44.” Lizzie said, too tired to explain. “Fuck, I need drugs. Do you have drugs?”

Hope didn’t answer.

Long before the Gemini were known as a great and powerful bloodline, Lucius and Magnus were born into the Valestran Circle, an ancient Northern coven devoted to elemental magic and the preservation of ancestral knowledge. The brothers were gifted from childhood, but it was Magnus whose brilliance shone brightest. His command of healing, protection, and life-magic earned him recognition as one of the most promising witches of his generation.

As adults, Lucius married and soon welcomed his own children — a pair of twins, a boy and a girl. The birth was celebrated as a blessing, but joy quickly turned to fear when the girl was struck by a mysterious and dangerous illness. No healer could diagnose it. No spell brought her relief. While her brother grew strong, she weakened by the day.

Lucius refused to surrender her to fate.

For years he traveled the North, gathering forgotten scrolls, deciphering runes, and learning from isolated clans of witches whose magic predated the Valestran Circle itself. Through perseverance, he uncovered fragments of an ancient and unfinished ritual — a Bonding Spell said to allow life to be shared between those who were joined by blood.

But the spell lacked form and clarity. It had never been successfully completed.

Lucius devoted years to perfecting it.

When his daughter reached 11 years of age, the illness grew dire. Determined that she would not die, Lucius performed the ritual he had reconstructed with the help of Magnus, his brother and coven leader.

According to the accounts preserved by the Valestran scribes, the brothers attempted to cast the spell together, but the power it demanded was far greater than either had foreseen.

They channeled not only each other, but also the ancestral strength of their bloodline to cast the sacred spell — the one that would allow Lucius’s daughter to draw vitality from her own brother, restoring her to full health.

Magnus, standing beside his brother as he always had, gave everything he possessed to sustain the ritual, but the magic consumed him.

He died in Lucius’s arms, urging him with his final breath to finish what they had begun.

The ritual succeeded.

The girl rose from her bed, healed as though the sickness had never touched her.

Life continued peacefully for many years.

But when the twins reached their twenty-second birthday, the boy — once the stronger of the two — suddenly fell gravely ill. His strength drained at an alarming rate, and no healing practice of the Circle could halt the decline. Lucius recognized the signs:
the bond he had created all those years ago was shifting.

If unbalanced, it would destroy them both.

His daughter, now grown and strong, realized the truth before he spoke it. She felt the pull of her brother’s weakening life. She felt the bond tightening around them like a shared breath. And she believed it was her responsibility — her duty — to save him as he had saved her.

Together, father and daughter returned to the ancient notes of the first ritual.

If life could be shared, then perhaps it could be joined.
If vitality could pass between them, perhaps it could be made one.

There was no way to save the brother’s life in his own body.
But he could live through her.

Thus, they shaped a new ritual - the Merge.

A sacred union in which one twin would absorb the life and magic of the other, sustaining both within a single vessel. The brother’s body failed, but his life continued, woven into his sister’s soul, strengthening her beyond any witch the Circle had ever seen.

Through the Merge, came a profound revelation:
twins possessed a unique magical bond capable of sustaining an entire lineage.

Together they were greater than the sum of their parts.

United, they formed a force no other bloodline could match.

From this revelation, Lucius found a new coven — The Gemini Coven, named for the twin nature of the magic that defined their children.

Lucius became the founder and first Leader of the Gemini Coven and The Merge not only the heart of their power, but Lucius ultimate legacy.

“This makes no sense, Lizzie. You know this makes no sense, right?”

Hope’s head was spinning.

“I know. Trust me. I know. And I didn’t even tell you the best part. You know how Mom is always traveling, “recruiting” students? She’s actually trying to find a way to stop The Merge. And we had another uncle. Did you know we had another uncle?” She didn’t wait for Hope to answer. “You know that rat's ass of a story Dad told us, about how our Mom died in their wedding day because a crazy witch had a vendetta against the Gemini Coven? Our uncle, her fucking brother, was the crazy witch. His name was Kai and Josie has his diary.”

Hope’s head was still spinning, and the speed at which Lizzie was dumping information on her was only making it worse.
“Lizzie.”

“Hope.”

“Please, breath.” Much to Hope’s surprise, Lizzie obeyed. Hope sat in front of her on the bed. “I need you to calmy explain to me what this really means. And then I want every painful detail of what you found all of this out and how.

And so, Lizzie did.

From the moment she realized Josie was acting strange, when she thought it was because of Hope. How she found out there was so much more involved. How Lizzie started suspecting dark magic because of the bruises that kept appearing on her body, mirroring the ones Josie clearly had too and was trying to hide.

What she managed to piece together from the journals, both Josie’s and Kai’s, how Josie seemed to have learned about the Merge – even Valerie’s number, the one Lizzie never had the courage to call but had memorized from staring at it so much.

Lizzie told her everything.

Then, she explained The Merge. Hope didn’t misunderstand. They were bound to do the ritual on their twenty-second birthday, because if they didn’t, they would both die.

Lizzie and Josie would die.

Lizzie or Josie could die.

Hope felt sick. She wanted to throw up. She didn’t, though – instead, she hug Lizzie and said how sorry she was for her. How horrible and cruel the whole thing was.

Then she stood up.

“We need to find Josie.”

Chapter Text

Flashback

Not to be dramatic, but this day had been one of the worst days of Josie’s life.

Being in the same room as Hope and not talking to her like they used to talk, not holding her hand like she used to do- It was torture.

Although the feeling wasn’t exactly new to her, she still hated every second of it.

There was no way of escaping it. It only got worse and worse with time. And now it was ten times worse than before.

Because then her torment had been different: hugging Hope but not being able to kiss her, sharing a bed with her but not holding her the way she ached to.

But now? She had done all those things. She knew what she tasted like, she didn’t have to wonder anymore. She could still feel Hope’s lips on hers, she didn’t need to imagine it. And somehow, knowing exactly what it felt like but not being allowed to do it again was a sharper, crueler kind of pain than the ache of wanting what she thought she could never have.

It just wasn’t as painful as knowing that the reason she couldn’t have it, have her, was herself.

Ok.

Maybe it wasn’t that simple.

It wasn’t like Josie could just walk up to Hope and kiss her in the middle of the room even if she was single.

Which she wasn’t, by the way.

She desperately needed to talk to Finch, but for a vampire her mom sure seemed to be taking her sweet time at this lunch. It was almost 3 pm for crying out loud, everyone had already eaten, drank and had dessert, what else did that woman wanted?

Josie almost cried of happiness when Caroline asked the waiter for the bill.

“So, what are you girls’ plans for tonight?” She asked as she finally finally made her way out of restaurant.

Lizzie said something about going out with Ethan.

Hope said she wanted to finish a painting she started yesterday.

Josie said nothing.

What was she supposed to say?

“I’m planning to break up with my girlfriend because I can’t stop think about Hope after all the sex we had last night”?

“What about you, honey?” Caroline asked her. Josie tried to smile. “I don’t know yet.”

“Weren’t you meeting up with Finch tonight?” Lizzie spoke and Josie almost cast a spell to set her on fire.

She felt Hope’s eyes on her, but she didn’t dare to look back.

“We… haven’t really decided yet.”

“Well, if you do see her, send her my love.” Her mom said. Josie then considered setting herself on fire. “Will do.”

Josie wasn’t lying. She really wasn’t sure if she’d see Finch tonight – not because she didn’t want to, but because Finch had the night shift at The Grill and wouldn’t get off work until 11 pm and Josie was terrified that waiting around that long would drive her insane and admitted into a mental facility.

She debated whether or not to ask Finch to change shifts so they could talk, but it seemed cruel to make her reorganize her entire day just because of her, just so Josie could break up with her.

But it was the right thing to do.

Wasn’t it?

She cheated, she needed to come clean, and not only because she couldn’t wait to knock on Hope’s door and kiss her again, but because Finch deserved to know.

God, she was being such an asshole.

Who was she trying to fool? Finch didn’t deserve to know. Finch didn’t deserve to be cheated on.

Josie was only doing it so she could be with Hope. And she didn’t even know if Hope wanted to be with her.

It could easily have been a one time thing.

But she did say she still has feelings for Josie. That has to mean something.

Right?

Caroline parked in front of the School, pulling Josie out of her mental rambling.

Again, she felt Hope looking at her, but again she didn’t look back.

Hope had always held a strange power over her, but her eyes – they were a whole other thing. Looking at them ignited something in Josie. Sometimes an urge to kiss her right then and there, on the spot, other times the impulse to run as far and as fast as humanly possible, terrified by the certainty that one look from Hope was all it’d take to bring Josie to her knees, willing to do anything for her.

She really needed to break up with Finch.

But despite her anxiety, Finch’s text came hours later.

“I’ll be done in half an hour. Should I wait for you?”

Josie was dressed and ready to go 5 minutes later.

She made her way downstairs in a hurry, but her mom’s voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Don’t you think I know we’re running out of time? Don’t you think I fucking know?” Caroline wasn’t yelling, she was hissing the words in a furious whisper.

“Invisique.” Josie said quietly, the word leaving her mouth without making a sound.

“Care-” Alaric tried to speak, but she didn’t let him.

Josie didn’t move.

“Their lives are passing by without me. They’re my daughters too. I’m tired of watching them grow up from a screen.”

What the fuck?

“You know if I could go in your place I would.”

What the fuck?

“You know if I could go in your place I would.”

“I know. I just-” Josie watched from the doorway as Caroline dropped an old leather-bound book on Alaric’s desk with a heavy thud. “I hate this book.”

“I know,”

“No, Ric, I hate it. This stupid, self-righteous, ancient set of rules made by a coven that doesn’t even exist anymore is telling us how our daughters’ lives will end. Who they have to become. Who dies. Who lives. Who gets swallowed whole.”

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

Josie ordered her body to move. Caroline seemed distracted, but Josie was pushing her luck. Eventually, her mother would hear her.

She needed to get out of there.

Doing her very best to stay quiet, she left. Her head spinning, her vision wavering and Finch’s text long forgotten. She would come up with an excuse in the morning. Say she fell asleep. It didn’t matter. She didn’t care about Finch anymore.

She didn’t even care about Hope right now.

Reaching the stairs, Josie all but ran to her room.

Lizzie was still out, she wouldn’t be back until much later, which was good. Josie needed time.

She also needed to breathe, but more than anything, she needed to get that book.

She needed help.

She needed MG.

When he opened the door, Josie told him everything.

Needless to say, MG thought she was losing it and asked her, more than once, if she was okay. She wasn’t, but that wasn’t the point.

She asked for his help. He agreed and, together, they came up with a plan. MG would sneak into her Dad’s office and search for the book. But only in the morning. Josie needed to sleep, MG said. She needed to rest.

Josie protested, but MG was irreducible and deeply worried about her.

She went back to her room and tried to sleep; it didn’t work. She simply laid there and pretended to be asleep when Lizzie got back, as if she wasn’t anxious and with a million questions that needed an answer. She waited and waited until it was a remotely acceptable hour to get up. Leaving Lizzie dead asleep on the bed next to hers, she went to MG’s room.

Now, all she needed was an excuse to get her dad out of his office. It was the easy part: she knocked at the door and asked him to help her find a book in the library. She told him she didn’t remember the title. Only the cover.

She said nobody knew the Salvatore School library better than him. Alaric was happy to help. So, he followed her there while MG slipped into the room. Less than two minutes lates, MG appeared between the shelves, throwing Josie a triumphant thumbs-up like he had just completed a top-secret ninja mission.

Alaric found the book Josie pretended to need no longer after that. She thanked him, and then rushed off to meet MG. He handed her the book, and she read it cover to cover. Then she re-read it. Twice.

MG said nothing. He simply waited and when she started crying, he held her.

He told her it would be okay, because he didn’t know what else to say, but how could he know?

How could he be sure?

It was a cruel destiny, an impossible choice.

She felt the ground disappear under her feet.

She felt helpless.

She felt betrayed.

How could her parents keep something so monumental from her and Lizzie?

And how was she supposed to tell Lizzie?

How could she be the one to make her sister feel what she was feeling right now?

MG didn’t try to answer any of her questions, he knew Josie didn’t need him for that. She just needed him to listen.

And so, he did.

“Whatever you need, I’m here.” He said.

When she finally felt steady enough to stand, Josie told him she needed to be alone. He didn’t argue. She returned to her room gratefull that her sister was allergic to staying in. Once inside, she locked her door, but she didn’t cry this time. She just stared at the wall, trying to figure out what the hell she was supposed to do now.

She had given the book back to MG. She didn’t need to read it again. Josie had practically memorized the whole thing, but she still needed answers. She needed to know what her mom knew.

She checked the time. It was almost 3 pm.

Josie remembered Caroline saying she would go to brunch with Bonnie and Elena, and knowing those three, she knew it’d be a while until her mom returned. So Josie went to her room. She didn’t know what she should look for, but she knew she would recognize it if she saw it. So she searched.

She went into her mom’s computer.

She read her notes, her notebooks – everything - but found nothing.

She was almost giving up when a old calendar caught her attention. The cover was black, nothing like her mom’s brightly patterned things. It definitely wasn’t hers.

Ignoring how badly her hands were shaking, Josie opened it and on the inside cover she found a name and a phone number.

Valerie Tulle.

It could belong to anyone. A friend. A parent of a student. It could mean nothing, but Josie knew that last name. She didn’t know where from, but she was sure she had seen it somewhere before.
So she wrote it down and kept it.

Tulle.

She needed to figure out where she had heard it. Where she had seen in.

She left her mom’s room and went straight to the library. It was a long shot - there were thousands of books – but if there were any answers anywhere, it would be there. Maybe in some forgotten grimoire. Maybe in a family tree tucked away in a dusty book. Maybe in Stefan Salvatore’s old diaries.

She was sure she had read it before.

That first day gave her no answers.

She returned the next day. And the next. And the next. Until two weeks had passed and still... Nothing.

That freaking place had become Josie's home and that’s where Hope found her, sitting at one of the back tables in the back, surrounded by open books Josie didn’t even remember pulling off the shelves.

Their eyes met and Josie froze.

Hope had tried to talk to her before, but every time Josie would mutter that she was busy.

The first time Hope said she understood, or at least she pretended to. The second time Josie had thrown together some excuse about doing research for her mom, something about an ancient spell she needed. It wasn’t a lie. Not really. Again, Hope said it was fine, they could talk later.

Josie felt like an asshole. She knew it looked like she was ignoring Hope on purpose, but she wasn’t.

She just couldn’t tell Hope what she was busy with, because she didn’t even know herself. She was searching for answers to questions she didn’t have words for, but now Hope seemed determined to talk to her. She walked straight to her and all but ignored MG was sitting next to her.

“Josie, I need to talk to you.”

MG stood up immediately.

“I’ll give you guys some privacy.”

Stupid MG, Josie thought. She wanted to grab him by the arm and beg him not to leave – not because she didn’t want to talk to Hope, but because she couldn’t handle this right now.

At first, neither Hope nor she said anything. Hope just stared at her. Josie could tell she was pissed.

Ashamed of herself, Josie refused to meet her eyes. Then Hope spoke.

“Josie, what is going on? Are you avoiding me?”

“I promise you, I’m not. I’m really not.”

“Well, I don’t believe you.”

“I’m not ignoring you. I’m just-“

“You’re busy. So you’ve told me.”

“I am. It’s not a lie. I swear to God.”

“I don’t care.”

“What?”

“I don’t care. Honestly, I’m going insane here-”

An asshole. Josie was an asshole.

“I’m going to talk to her today. I promise-“

“Josie, I don’t care about Finch, I don't how many times I have to say it until you believe it. If you need to talk to her, that’s fine. But what I need to talk to you about has nothing to do with her.”

Josie felt her heart skip a beat.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I don’t care about her. I mean… I only care about you - about us.”

“Us?”

“Yes. Us.” Hope took a breath. A long, shaky, terrified breath. “This is new territory for me. I never thought we’d end up here. But I’ve had time to think, and ever since that night- after that night, I realized I don’t want it to stop. What we did. I don’t want it to be a one-time thing.”

Josie stood frozen, heart pounding.

Hope continued. “I like you. I know it took forever for me to say it, but now that I have… It’s weirdly easy. I like you, Josie.” She swallowed. “But I don’t want to lead you on so I’m going to be completely honest. I’m not ready to be in a relationship. I don’t know if you think you have to break up with Finch so you and I can be together. I don’t even know if you want to be with me, but I know that I’d like for what happened that night to happen again. That is if you want it too. If you don’t, it’s ok. It won’t change anything between us. At least, not on my end. I promise.”

Josie felt like she’d been hit by a truck.

She felt all air leave her lungs. She couldn’t feel her legs, or her arms, but she didn’t dare to interrupt her.

Hope finished quietly. “What you tell Finch is up to you. What you do is up to you. She’s not my girlfriend and I couldn’t care less about your relationship. Or its status.” She got up. “That’s it. That’s what I wanted to say and don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything now. I know you’re busy, so I’ll leave you to your research.”

And then she left.

And Josie tried very, very hard not to scream. Or cry. Or burst into flames. Or ser the whole school on fire.

After everything that had happened in the last few days, Josie honestly thought she couldn’t be surprised anymore, but boy, was she wrong.

What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?

She couldn’t believe it. Hope Mikaelson, her best friend, Hope Andrea Mikaelson, had just walked up to her and basically offered to be her...mistress? Offered her an affair?.

What the hell was happening right now?

Not in her wildest dreams did Josie ever imagine this. Sure, she had fantasized once or twice about Hope confessing her love and the two of them running off into the sunset together, but in none of those dreams was Josie cheating on her girlfriend with Hope.

That was not how this was supposed to go.

This is wrong.

This is so wrong.

So why was she tempted to say yes?

Learning about The Merge made Josie realize her life was apparently going to be way shorter than she ever thought, she couldn’t deny it, and she was desperate and she had no idea what to do. She didn’t know whether she should tell Lizzie or not. She didn’t know anything. She was lost. She had never felt this lost in her entire life, but that didn’t give her the right to start acting like a moron, but being with Hope, even if it was just for one night- she had never felt more complete. She had never felt more like herself. It felt so right.

How could something that felt so right be so fucking wrong?

This is stupid. She had to break up with Finch. That was the right thing to do. Break up with Finch, and then after that maybe start something new with someone else. Not agree to have an affair with her best friend.

And what the fuck did Hope mean by “I’m not ready for a relationship”? She didn’t want anything serious? How was that supposed to work? They would fuck at night and have breakfast in the mornings with their friends as if nothing had happened?

Josie’s head hurt. Her head hurt so much.

On paper it should have been simple, right? Tell Hope no. Break up with Finch. Then tell Hope how she actually felt. That of course she wanted to be with her but really be with her. That if Hope needed time to be ready for a relationship, Josie didn’t mind waiting, because Hope was worth it.

Why couldn’t they just be together? Hope said she liked her. Josie liked Hope. Why couldn’t two plus two equal four? Why, suddenly, did two plus two equal five? Why did one plus one now equal three?

This is wrong.

This is so fucking wrong.

What Hope was proposing… What was Hope proposing?

This is wrong.

This is so fucking wrong.

She knew it was wrong. Still, Josie couldn’t help but wonder, why was it wrong?

Hope wasn’t ready for a relationship. She said that herself, and Josie… Josie didn’t know if she even had the strength to break up with Finch. She’d thought about it constantly these last few days. She didn’t want to hurt her. She loved Finch – at least she thought she did.

Finch loved her. That she had no doubts. Was it really worth ending things with her for… what? A few stolen nights with Hope?

Josie ignored the gigantic “Yes” it formed on her mind.

It felt like the ground had been ripped out from under her. What the fuck was wrong with her? She couldn’t do that to Finch. She couldn’t do that to herself.

She didn’t want to be alone. And breaking up with Finch and saying yes to Hope meant being alone, because whatever Hope was offering, it wasn’t safety, it wasn’t stability, it wasn’t love. It was a terrible decision – an absolutely terrible decision, but If your life has an expiration date… Is it wrong to do the things you always wanted to do?

Maybe if she didn’t know about the Merge, she could think clearly. Maybe she’d be brave enough to go to Hope’s room, knock on her door, and demand that Hope gave them a real chance.

She could say: I like you. I love you. I want to see what this is. I want to see what we could be.

But she wasn’t brave enough to do it, and she sure as hell wasn’t brave enough to say no to Hope, because it was Hope.

Hope Mikaelson.

Hope Andrea Mikaelson.

The most beautiful girl Josie had ever seen. The girl behind her every fantasy. The girl who haunted every one of her dreams. The one she tried to forget a hundred times and failed every single one. How could Josie say no to her?

With everything that was happening, how could she say no to the one thing she had always wanted? Her definition of happiness. How could she say no to Hope? Even if saying yes came with strings attached- it wasn’t like it would be forever.

It was just until Josie figured things out – until she figured out the Merge, her future, her life. Then she could have a real conversation with Hope. She just didn’t have in her to do it now. Did that mean she should miss her chance to be with Hope?

She needed time. God, why did everything have to be so fucking complicated?

Finch loved her.

Finch cared about her.

Hope liked her. Hope liked her? Hope liked sleeping with her.

Finch loved her, and if Josie died in four years, at least she’d know Finch loved her. Even if Hope didn’t.

Josie pretended she hadn’t made her decision the second Hope offered. She rationalized her irrationality and pretended not to notice how wrong the situation was because it was the only thing that felt comforting in a life that had suddenly fallen apart around her. She liked to believe the answer wasn’t always yes, but if she were being honest with herself, she never knew how to say no to Hope.

Mostly because she almost never wanted to.

As she walked to Hope’s bedroom, she pretended not to know how fucked up it all was.

As she knocked on the door, she pretended not to know how wrong it was. How bad she would regret this later.

As she kissed Hope, she forgot about The Merge, about Valerie and all the books. About all the questions she had no answers to.

She forgot why she thought this was wrong in the first place, because when your life has an expiration date, you’re allowed to do the things you always wanted to do.

When morning came, she left Hope’s bedroom and called Valerie. To hell with all the books, she needed answers now. If she turned out to be wrong and Valerie was no one important, so be it, at least she would know.

“I’m sorry to bother you. I’m-” Josie started saying, but the Valerie interrupted her.

“Josette Saltzman. I have been expecting you call.”