Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"You brought pepper spray, right?"

"Jesus, Andy. I'm not going to pepper spray the guy," Maya laughs, rolling her eyes as she slides out of the passenger side of Andy's car.

"You never know! He could be a serial killer," Andy insists, opening her own door.

"She's right, Maya. There are like a million murder mysteries about it," Vic says, arms resting on the roof of the car as she studies Maya on the opposite side. "Nice, seemingly innocent guy lures a girl in with a charming smile and kind eyes, then bam! He flips a switch, turns psycho and murders her."

"Exactly! I've seen so many true crime shows about it,” Andy confirms.

"And you aren't just meeting this guy for a date, you're considering living with him."

"You're welcoming him into your home. You're giving him a first class ticket into your life. Who knows what he'll do with it?"

Maya rolls her eyes at her friends, amused by how they're working each other up, but not buying it. "Are you both finished?" She pauses a moment as her friends exchange a glance and then both shrug before she continues. "Warren vouched for this guy. He isn't just some random stranger off the street. We're meeting for coffee in broad daylight in a busy coffee shop, both of you are here with me and I can bench press more than practically every guy on B shift. I think I'll be okay without a little pepper spray."

"Well even still…" Andy ducks back down into her car and reaches into the center console. She stands back up and tosses a small, black plastic tube at Maya. "You can never be too careful.”

Maya laughs as she looks at the can of pepper spray in her hands. She has absolutely zero intention of using it, but she tucks it into her jacket pocket anyway, knowing it's easier to give in than fight her friends on this one.

"Can we go in already?" Maya asks, taking a quick glance at the watch on her wrist. "I'm already late."

"We're 5 minutes early," Vic says, eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

"Which is 5 minutes late in Maya time," Andy explains.

"On time is late, early is on time," Maya shrugs, not understanding what's so weird about that ideology.

Andy walks around the car and pats Maya's shoulder. "I know this might be hard to believe, but not everything is a race," she teases.

Maya just rolls her eyes again, not willing to entertain that dig with a response.

"Okay, so Andy and I will go in first and scope out a table with the best view," Vic says. "Then Maya, you come in a minute later and find your own table within our line of sight."

"Or I can just walk in whenever I want and sit wherever I want because you're both being way too paranoid about this." Maya jogs the few yards to the door and pulls it open before her friends can stop her.

The other two girls hustle after her, huffing about Maya not following the plan.

"Sorry for wanting to make sure you don't get murdered," Vic complains.

"Yeah, we'll be sure not to care as much next time," Andy adds.

Maya laughs and scans her eyes over the coffee shop looking for an empty table. Instead, she sees the person she's supposed to meet already sitting at a table, two cups of coffee in front of him.

"Oh, he's already here," Maya says, impressed he seems to appreciate being on time as much as she does.

He hasn't noticed her yet, too occupied with his phone, so she takes a moment to look her new potential roommate over.

She's seen Andrew DeLuca around the ER a few times when she's dropped off patients in the aid car, but they've never actually met. The fire station's newest member, Ben Warren, speaks highly of him from when they worked together at Grey Sloan. When she mentioned to the team she was looking to rent out a room at her new townhouse to help with the loan payments, Warren suggested Andrew immediately. He gave Maya the rundown on his friend and assured her he was a good guy.

Andrew seemed nice enough from what she’s heard around the hospital and she trusts Warren's opinion, so she figured she would give it a shot. She let Warren coordinate this meeting between them and help with the exchange of phone numbers. She already told him if this meet-up goes south he's covering her laundry duty for a week, two if it’s really bad.

"What, where?" Vic peers around until she spots the familiar face and then gasps. "Oh no way, Ben set you up with Dr. Hottie? You didn't tell us that! Damn, maybe I need a roommate too."

"Or maybe I do," Andy muses, eyeing Andrew up and down.

"I highly doubt DeLuca wants to move in with you and your dad," Vic teases.

Andy punches her shoulder and frowns. Maya walks away from them both before they can really get into it. Normally she would encourage their bickering and egg them both on, but she's here for a reason so she can't get caught up right now.

Eyes forward.

She's a few feet away from the table when Andrew lifts his head up and sees her. A warm smile stretches across his scruffy cheeks, his eyes crinkling. "You must be Maya," he says as he rises from the table and stretches out his hand.

"Yes, and you must be Andrew," she replies, shaking his hand firmly.

Andrew sits back down and Maya sits across from him at the high top table he's picked out by the biggest window in the coffee shop. Sunlight floods in and gives everything a warm glow, which accompanied by the soft chattering of the other patrons and the thick, rich smell of coffee beans, sets Maya totally at ease. Even though this absolutely isn't, it almost feels like a blind date and she hates those because they’re always awkward. Sitting across from Andrew makes all that melt away though. He’s so calm and steady. She can already tell Ben was right about him being a good roommate candidate.

"Warren told me your coffee order, so if it's wrong you can blame him," Andrew laughs as he slides one of the cups towards her.

"It would be pretty difficult to screw up black coffee with sugar," Maya says, reaching for the cup.

Andrew's face falls immediately. "Wait, no. He said it was--" he stops panicking when he sees the grin on Maya's face. "Oh, you're totally messing with me."

"I had to," Maya laughs. She shrugs and brings the coffee up to her lips, the vanilla mocha latte tastes perfect from the first sip. "It's spot on, thanks. You didn't have to buy mine, though."

"No worries," Andrew waves his hand dismissively. "I appreciate you considering me so it's the least I could do."

They spend the next fifteen minutes getting to know each other. She tells him about her Olympic gold medal and he tells her about growing up between Italy and America. She tells him funny anecdotes from the fire academy and he tells her about the ways he used to keep himself up for all nighters in med school -- "eventually, you dunk your head in ice water so much it starts to lose the effect." He tells her about the craziest surgery he's ever assisted on and she tells him about the strangest call she's ever responded to -- "I've heard of cats getting stuck in trees, but that's the first time I've ever heard of a fully grown man getting stuck up one."

They get along well, laughing easily and teasing each other within minutes like they're old friends. Ben really might have been onto something here.

"Well let's get into the house rules," she tells him after their laughter fades away from his latest wild medical story.

She's already given him some of the details, texted a few pictures of the place and discussed what his rent would be. She let him know it's just four minutes from the fire station and five from the hospital. She knows he's already sold on the place, but she wants to lay some ground rules first.

"Wait, did you already decide to let me room with you?" He asks. "Warren said I'm just the first person you're meeting with."

"I hate these meet-ups and you're all right, so why not?" She shrugs.

Andrew laughs at how nonchalant she is about it. He lays a hand over his heart and says, "wow, thank you. I'm so honored you think so highly of me."

"You still have to agree to my conditions first before it's official."

He narrows his eyes, brow furrowed. "What are your conditions?" He leans in a little closer, obviously intrigued.

“Well for starters, I work crazy hours with my job, 24 hours shifts and usually longer, so I'll be coming and going at weird times. I assume you know what that's like and will be okay with it?"

Maya knew this would be a sticking point with any other potential roommates, but she didn't want to room with another firefighter. And besides, no one at 19 needed a new place and she wasn’t about to live with someone from another station. But she still needed someone who would understand the crazy hours. Based on what Warren has told her, hospital residents know all about weird work schedules.

"Oh yeah, that's totally fine," Andrew says. "24 hours shifts are common for me too, so that isn't a problem."

"Perfect," Maya nods before she continues. "I don't care if you have guests over, just let me know ahead of time and I'll do the same for you. And if you have any dates over, please contain any extracurricular activities to your bedroom."

Andrew actually blushes a little, which she will definitely tease him about later. "Yeah, that uh--that's definitely okay. I'm good with that."

"We can split up cleaning shared areas, but in general please make sure to always clean up after yourself. I really don't like messes," she says.

"That won't be a problem at all. My mom used to complain I kept my room too clean as a kid," Andrew laughs.

"That's pretty much all I have," Maya says, holding out a hand to complete the deal. "If everything works for you, let's do it."

"Well hold on, don't I get to state my conditions too?" There's a hint of humor in his voice as he fails to maintain his serious façade. The corner of his mouth betrays him as it ticks upwards the slightest amount.

Maya lets her hand drop to the table and settles him with a challenging look. "Okay, what are your conditions?" she asks, curious to hear what he has to say.

"I just have two," he says. "One," he holds up a single finger, "if we ever order Italian takeout, I have to approve of the restaurant. My mom will literally haunt me from beyond the grave if I allow fake Italian food to be consumed in my residence."

Maya laughs at that, but she nods. "Fair enough, I'd rather Mama DeLuca not haunt the place and I prefer authentic Italian anyway."

"Perfect. And two," he holds up a second finger, "if my sister ever comes to visit from Italy, you have to promise you won't sleep with her."

Maya chokes a little on her drink. She hadn't been expecting that at all. He laughed a little when he gave the first condition, but he isn't laughing at all with this one. His eyes are serious and his mouth is set in a firm line as he waits for her answer.

"Has that been a problem for you before?" She asks, curious why this is so important to him.

"Unfortunately, yes," he grumbles. "She likes to sleep around, which is totally fine, whatever. She's an adult and can do whatever she wants, but I'd really rather her not get involved with my friends anymore because it just makes things weird. She promised she would try to do better, but there have been a few slips so I try to reiterate it on my side," he explains.

"Isn't that pretty misogynistic of you? Policing who your sister can and can't date?”

She’s being pretty blunt, but she thinks it’s warranted. She hasn’t had any red flags with Andrew yet, but this gives her pause. He doesn’t get to decide who his sister sleeps with. That doesn’t sit right with her.

“It might be, but I really don’t mean it to,” Andrew admits. “Obviously she can do what she wants and I’d never actually do anything to stop her from sleeping with whoever. It’s not like I’m trying to lock her in a chastity belt. She’s free to do whatever, I just like to set boundaries when what she does overlaps with my life. I’d prefer it not be with my friends and I don’t think I would be comfortable living with someone who did sleep with her.”

Maya can understand that. She has a brother and even if they aren’t close, she’d feel the same way if there were any chance of him hooking up with her friends. There isn’t, of course, but she gets it. She definitely has more questions, but now isn't the time. She has an easy enough time picking people up on her own, she can handle writing off one person who may or may not ever even come to visit.

"Okay deal," Maya says. She holds up her hand again and asks, "roommates?"

Andrew's serious expression cracks into a wide grin and he shakes her hand. "Oh hell yeah," he agrees. "Now do you want to invite your friends over so they can meet me and see I'm not a serial killer for themselves?" He nods in the direction of Andy and Vic across the room.

Maya feels her cheeks heat up, knowing she's been caught. "How did you know they were here with me?"

Andrew smiles kindly. "I've seen them around the ER before and connected the dots," he shrugs.

"Busted," she laughs.

He waves over at her friends and they pretend not to see him at first, ducking their heads and dropping their eyes. But then Maya waves them over too and they know they've been caught. Vic hops up from the table and heads over quickly, eager to meet Andrew herself. Andy follows at a normal pace behind her.

They spend a few minutes introducing themselves and once they've confirmed neither thinks he's a serial killer, they make plans to help Andrew move into Maya's place the day after next when they all have off.

By the time Andrew is hugging them all goodbye and they part ways, she almost thinks it's too good to be true. Maya can't believe she was able to luck out with finding a roommate who is a nice guy, shares her sense of humor and works in one of the few professions that might just have crazier hours than she does.

Andrew agreed with all her conditions and the only thing she had to agree to was not eating bad Italian food or sleeping with his sister?

She thinks it couldn't possibly be any easier.

That is, until she actually meets Carina DeLuca.

Then she's wondering if this whole thing was a terrible idea from the start.

Chapter Text

Andrew ends up fitting into her life far more easily than either of them could have expected.

One week in, they happen to have the same day off and decide to spend it together. They take a trip to Ikea so Andrew can buy a bookshelf and bedside tables for his room. They spend way too long trying to put it all together, but after one jammed thumb, two paper cuts, and a lot of swearing and laughing, they finally manage to assemble everything. They end the day eating Chinese takeout and watching Netflix comedy specials until they're in tears from laughing so hard.

Two weeks in, they're inviting each other out to drinks with their friends and weaving their friend groups together. It isn't long before Andrew and Travis have a full on bromance going on, bonded by their use of the same brand of hair care products and their love of Seattle's women's basketball team. Stephanie and Jo get along so well with Maya, Vic and Andy, that Vic officially dubs them all a girl gang after one too many shots.

Four weeks in, Andrew starts joining Maya for ride-alongs when she's working the aid car and he has the day off so he can get some more experience with trauma. If his off days don't line up with Maya's turns manning the aid car, he still drops by for lunch at the station. He teaches Travis how to cook his favorite Italian dishes and joins in with the team when they tease Miller on his latest girl drama.

Five weeks in, she's helping Andrew assist Dr. Hunt in trauma certification for the surgical interns and letting Andrew teach her tricks and techniques she's never learned before.

Seven weeks in, Maya finally convinces Andrew to start joining her for runs some mornings and he actually starts enjoying it. He challenges her to a race every single time and though he never comes close to winning, he refuses to stop trying.

Two months in, they drunkenly get matching tattoos that say "C12" in honor of their townhouse number. The bright blue ink was inspired by the color they thought their front door was, only to remember once sober that their door is dark green. They laugh about it and start bumping wrists instead of giving each other high fives and exclaiming, "C12 forever!"

Three months in, Andrew convinces her they should adopt a cat to keep them company. Maya isn't thrilled about the idea at first, but Andrew makes a really good pouty face and honestly having a cat to snuggle sounds nicer than she'd care to admit. They go to the animal shelter and fall in love (though Maya denies it at first) with a scrawny, three year old orange cat they name Dr. Whiskers McBurney. Maya swears it’s a ridiculous name and only ever calls him Whiskers, but she still insists on adding “McBurney” to his name so there’s something a little fire related.

Four months in, Maya throws Andrew a surprise birthday party at their house, the fellow partygoers a well balanced blend of doctors and firefighters. Andrew doesn’t stop smiling the entire night. Once everyone leaves, he drunkenly cries a little bit when he thanks her for the surprise party, telling her no one has ever done that for him before. While he may be drunk, she knows the sentiment is still genuine. She kisses his head and sends him to bed with a glass of water while she starts cleaning up some of the mess so there's less to do in the morning.

Things are honestly almost perfect. Andrew has become one of her closest friends and she’s grateful to Warren for setting this up. She basically won the roommate lottery as far as she’s concerned. She can’t really see anything messing it up.

That is until five months in when a wrench gets thrown into the mix. A tall, hot, Italian wrench named Carina DeLuca.

Maya comes home from work after a 28 hour shift and wants nothing more than to get something quick to eat, shower and collapse into bed for the next several hours. They'd been one hour shy of getting to go home when they got a call for a house fire that took far longer than expected to put out. Luckily, all the occupants were able to be safely evacuated with only very mild smoke inhalation. Knowing the family was safe made the overtime worth it, but now that she's home, her muscles are aching and she's grumbling about the extra hours.

When she steps through the front door, she's greeted with the rich smell of tomato sauce, basil and fresh mozzarella. She assumes Andrew must have come home early today and is busy cooking away. He usually doesn’t go all out with cooking until dinnertime, but every now and then he gets in the mood to cook something amazing for lunch and it always makes Maya’s day.

She truly couldn’t have found a better roommate.

"That smells great!" She calls out as she kicks off her shoes by the front door and drops her car keys on the table. "How was your day?" She asks, walking towards the kitchen, pausing by the couch to scratch Whiskers' head.

"It was great, how was yours?" Says an accented, feminine voice that is most certainly not Andrew.

Maya stops in her tracks as she reaches the kitchen and watches as a woman she doesn't know turns around in front of the stove.

She might just be the most beautiful woman Maya has ever seen in her life. She's tall, with impossibly long legs that are barely covered by the tiny pair of red shorts she's wearing. She has a black tank top on and no bra, which leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. Her wavy brown hair falls over her shoulders and her deep brown eyes study Maya with curiosity. The smirk she's sporting does something to Maya's stomach she can't really explain at the moment. She has a wooden spoon in one hand and a glass of white wine in the other--long, thin fingers curled around the glass stem.

She half thinks she might have walked into the wrong house, but figures she must just be the girl Andrew has been crushing on that he's been hush-hush about lately. "Nice work, dude," is all she can think.

Maya has to swallow hard, her throat having gone completely dry. "Oh I uh…" she swallows once more and then tries again to speak. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize Andrew had company."

"He did not know I would be here until I found him at the hospital earlier. He must have forgotten to tell you after," the woman says, turning back to the pot on the stove and stirring whatever she's making.

The change in view just makes Maya's throat go dry all over again as she gets a look at strong thighs. She shakes her head and goes to grab a glass of water.

"Andrea should be home soon," the woman says.

Maya is confused for a minute how she already knows Andy and why she's coming over before remembering Andrew's real name is Andrea too. She hums in acknowledgment and then takes a long sip of her water, letting the cool liquid chip away at the lump in her throat. She does her best to be respectful and keep her eyes on a socially acceptable place, but given the small amount of clothing she's wearing, that just means Maya ends up staring at the back of the woman's head.

She must sense Maya's eyes on her because she looks over her shoulder with that damn smirk again. Maya doesn't miss the way the woman's eyes flit across the length of her body or the way one of her eyebrows cocks up as she clearly appreciates what she sees. She might be here for Andrew, but she definitely isn't discrete about her interest in Maya. Not that it matters. She and Andrew promised each other not to interfere with anyone the other was seeing after they realized they'd both been flirting with the same girl at Joe's Bar one night.

"You are Maya, yes?" The woman asks.

Maya nods to give herself a moment to remember how to form words. "Yeah, that's me," she finally manages and after an almost too long pause adds, "and you are?"

"I am Carina," she says, looking over her shoulder again and winking at Maya.

She knows she should probably just go upstairs to get some sleep, she's far too exhausted to think rationally right now, but she doesn't want to lose any time being around this girl. Even if she is off limits because she's with Andrew, that doesn't mean Maya can't enjoy some mild flirting.

"Andrea tells me you are a fighter of fires, yes?" She takes a long sip of her wine as she waits for a response.

Maya enjoys the way Carina's tongue rolls over the 'r' in Andrew's name way too much. Simply saying a name, especially a name that isn't even hers, shouldn't turn her on as much as it does. But honestly she just wants to hear it again and again.

"Yes, that's right," she says confidently, always proud to tell people her profession. "I'm a firefighter with Station 19, best firehouse in Seattle."

"That is impressive," Carina says, slowly stirring whatever she's cooking. She looks over her shoulder and adds, "that job seems very…hot." Her tone makes the intention of her words clear.

Maya feels her stomach roll as Carina bites her bottom lip a little. Hot. She called her hot. Well, she called firefighting hot, but Maya is a firefighter so therefore…

No. She has to stop this, she can't. This girl is with Andrew, she can't blur any lines. No flirting allowed.

"So uh--how long have you known Andrew?" Maya asks, trying to steer the conversation away from herself.

Carina shoots her a suspicious look. "His entire life," she says with a little laugh. "I was there the day he was born."

That catches Maya off guard. She figured she was just the secret girl Andrew has been not so secretly obsessed with the last few weeks, not a girl from his past.

She's about to ask for clarification when she hears the front door open. Andrew bumbles into the room and takes in the scene in front of him, eyes darting back and forth between the two women. He sighs and slides his backpack off his shoulder and onto one of the chairs under the kitchen island.

"Maya, I'm sorry. I thought I would make it home before you got back, but my surgery went long," he huffs, out of breath like he ran the whole way home. "I should've asked an intern to call you, I'm sorry."

Maya opens her mouth to speak, but Carina says something in Italian before she can. Maya isn't sure what she says, but it sounds sassy and it kinda makes her swoon a little.

Andrew replies in Italian, tone just as sassy as Carina's, and then he sighs again and turns to Maya. "I had no idea she was coming to town. She just showed up at the hospital and ambushed--" he glares at Carina, "--me with zero warning."

"Always so whiny, Andrea. Is it so bad I came to visit you?" Carina asks.

"I'm not whiny," he grumbles. "How did you even get in here? I told you to wait for me in the lobby and I would bring you home after my surgery. I looked all over for you before a nurse told me he saw you leave."

"I got bored waiting so I found your backpack in the residents' lounge and borrowed the key," she shrugs like it's no big deal.

"You went through my stuff?" Andrew asks incredulously, hands scrambling to the front pocket of his backpack in search of a key that obviously isn't there. "You went through my stuff!" He exclaims upon confirming his key is missing. "Why would you do that? You could've asked. You can't just steal things from me."

"You were in surgery and I did not want to bother you," Carina says. She waves her hand as if the simple gesture can brush away all his concerns. "And I did not steal the key, I borrowed the key. It's there on the counter for you."

Andrew looks down and snatches the key quickly, shoving it in his backpack as if that will keep it safe.

"You do things like this all the time," he says, more than frustrated. “What are you even doing, drinking at this hour?” He nods towards her wine glass in her hand.

“It’s after 9:00pm in Italy. I’m still adjusting to the time difference.”

“Yeah, well it’s 12:30pm in Seattle, so maybe slow down. And you tell me I need to grow up,” he digs.

He starts ranting in Italian after that and then Carina joins in as well until they're having a full fledged argument in a foreign language and Maya has no idea what the hell is going on. She looks back and forth between Andrew and Carina, eyes wide with confusion as she watches the scene unfold. She half wonders if she's actually dreaming this, if she really just fell asleep back at the station and none of this is real.

She pinches her arm and the quick, sharp jolt of pain tells her she's definitely awake and this is definitely happening. She has no idea what it is that's happening, but she at least knows it's real.

She listens to them argue back for a few more seconds, both gesturing wildly with their arms speaking over each other, their volume increasing with every word until finally she's had enough. As hot as it is listening to Carina speak in Italian, she can’t handle not knowing what's going on.

"Hey!" She shouts, making sure she's louder than both of them. She never yells like that outside of work, but it felt appropriate and even necessary in order to diffuse the situation.

Andrew and Carina both stop arguing immediately and turn to stare at Maya.

"Okay, now that I can actually hear myself think," she sighs. "Will one of you please explain to me what the hell is going on here?"

Andrew runs a hand through his hair, letting out an exasperated sigh as he leans forward with his forearms resting against the counter. "Maya, this is my sister, Carina."

Maya takes pause at that. She focuses on Carina again, the deep brown eyes, the ridiculously good hair, the charming smile, the multiple mentions of visiting from Italy. It's all so clear now, how couldn't she recognize it before? Of course this is his sister.

"Well, at least if she isn't his date then she isn't off limits," she catches herself thinking.

Wait, no. She absolutely is off limits. Andrew made her promise on day one she would never sleep with his sister. Though, if Maya knew Carina looked like that, she might never have agreed.

Maya shakes those thoughts away quickly. Of course she would have agreed. And she's going to uphold that promise no matter how hot and clearly interested Carina is. Andrew isn't just her roommate, he's her friend and she isn't going to go back on her word.

"Oh," Maya says, knowing she's already been silent a couple seconds too long and things are starting to get awkward. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

Carina mutters something in Italian that sounds accusatory.

"Of course I told her about you," he huffs. "I guess I just didn't tell her your name." He at least looks a little remorseful at that, hand raising to scratch nervously at the back of his neck.

"You also have no family pictures, not even in your room. Why not?" Carina asks.

"You went in my room? You can't just--" he stops short, standing up from where he was hunched over the counter. He shakes his head and takes a deep breath to calm himself back down. He looks away from his sister to keep his emotions in check and turns to Maya. "Carina said she's in town visiting and asked if she could stay here for a few days. I was going to talk to you about this," he explains.

"A few weeks, actually."

Andrew whips his head back to Carina. "What? No, no, no, you totally said ‘a few days’ earlier."

Carina shrugs and says, "that was before I spoke to Dr. Bailey about my research and she agreed to let me continue my study here."

"You what?" Andrew almost shouts. His brown eyes are wide and burning, and his cheeks are tinged red with what looks like embarrassment. "You spoke to my boss about your study? Why would you do that? I have to work there with those people! You can't just barge into my life with something like that without talking to me first. What am I supposed to tell people when they ask me about it?"

"You tell them I'm doing very important research on a topic that has rarely been studied. What is so hard about that?" Carina is still completely calm, the opposite of her brother. She's speaking slowly and rationally, like she doesn't understand why he's so upset.

"What are you studying?" Maya asks, jumping in before Andrew can complain again.

Andrew turns to her with flushed cheeks, his bottom lip bouncing up and down as he tries and fails to formulate words.

Maya turns to Carina instead and is met with a heated gaze that makes her think she shouldn't have asked.

"I am studying the effects on the female brain during orgasm," Carina says, dropping her voice to a tone that's so sensual it feels like the temperature has been cranked up.

Maya feels a shot like electricity down her spine. Her eyes lock onto Carina's and the way she bites her bottom lip sends Maya's stomach to her throat. She contains it well, swallowing it down and keeping her demeanor composed. Considering how ridiculously hot Carina is, Maya's proud of herself for staying so calm while she is clearly flirting with her. She usually has no trouble keeping her confidence when flirting, but something about Carina unhinges her just enough that she loses her composure.

"That sounds uhm…very interesting," she says, trying to keep it together. "I'd love to hear more about it sometime." She means it in a neutral way. It seems like the appropriate thing to say to someone about their research, but given the subject matter, she doesn't realize the underlying meaning until after she's said the words.

Andrew's eyes go wide as he looks at her, embarrassed beyond belief. "Dio mio," he huffs, turning to look at Carina. "A few weeks wasn't the plan."

"Plans change sometimes," Carina shrugs. "I have reason to stay a little longer now." Her eyes glance over at Maya.

It makes her heart race a little knowing she's a reason Carina wants to stick around, but she breathes slowly and makes it stop. She can't feel like this. She promised Andrew and she won't go back on that. A little flirting never killed anyone, but she can't let it go beyond that. Carina staying in town certainly wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, though.

Andrew eyes them both suspiciously before shaking his head and focusing on his sister. "Can you please go somewhere else for a minute and let me discuss this with Maya? A few days is a lot different from a few weeks."

"Fine," she sighs, stepping away from the stove. "I'll go snoop through your room some more," she teases. She tops off her wine glass from the bottle on the counter. "Don't let that burn!" She warns as she points at the pot on the stove and glares at Andrew before leaving the kitchen, making sure to throw a smile at Maya before she slips into the hall.

The second she's gone, Andrew leans forward on the counter again, resting his elbows on the granite and letting his head fall into his hands. He takes in a deep breath and lets out a slow, steady stream.

Maya shuffles on her feet, not knowing what she should do in this situation. "Are you okay?" She asks quietly, at a loss for what else to say.

Andrew takes a few more seconds to take another breath before lifting his head. "I'm sorry. I love her to death, but she can stress me out like nothing else can sometimes."

"It's okay," Maya says. "I understand family drama."

"I didn't know she was planning to stay in Seattle so long or I never would've told her I would talk to you about her staying here. I only thought it was a few days," Andrew explains. "I'll tell her she needs to go to a hotel or something."

Before she really even considers the words, she hears herself saying, "it's fine. She can just stay here."

Andrew tilts his head in confusion. "Wait, really? That's such a big ask, I never meant to put you in this position."

"You didn't ask, I'm offering," Maya says. She still isn't entirely sure about this arrangement, but her mouth just won't stop endorsing it and she can't really change her mind at this point. "She's your family and there's a futon in the office. It isn't a very big room, but if she's okay with it there's no reason she can't stay here. With the hours we work, we aren’t home at the same time a lot so it’s not like we’ll be crowded or anything."

She doesn’t mention the fact that this could potentially lead to alone time for her and Carina while Andrew is still at work. That’s so not an appropriate thought to have right now, but it still turns her stomach upside down and makes her palms sweat.

"You're serious?" He asks, shaking his head. He walks over to the stove, making sure to follow Carina's instructions and not let whatever she's cooking burn. "She can be a lot sometimes and she's very forward. I'm surprised she hasn't hit on you yet."

"Oh she did," Maya laughs, remembering the way Carina grinned at her and called her hot. Well, kind of called her hot.

Andrew whips his head around. "Oh my god, she's unbelievable." When he notices the slight smile on Maya's dazed face he narrows his eyes at her. "Wait, did you hit on her too?"

Maya wipes the smile off her face immediately. "What? No!" She immediately denies, but she knows her anxiousness only makes her more suspicious. "Okay, there might have been some very mild flirting, but I swear I had no idea she was your sister. I wouldn't have done that intentionally if I'd known. You never told me her name! My brother's name is Mason, by the way. I don't think I've ever told you that either. We should probably know that about each other. We're close enough friends." Once she realizes she's rambling, she clamps her mouth shut.

She doesn't know why she's acting like Andrew just caught her red handed doing something she shouldn't have. She barely even flirted with Carina. That's it. And now that she knows who she is, she won't allow anything to happen. She made a promise and she isn't going back on that. Maya Bishop doesn’t break her word. She especially wouldn't do that to Andrew.

Andrew gives her an endearing smile, amused by her rambling. He sighs, and shakes his head. "I'm sorry, you're right. I know you wouldn't do that. She just has a pretty long track record of hooking up with my friends, classmates, coworkers, ex girlfriends, basically anyone I've ever crossed paths with. I guess I'm automatically defensive about it."

"Ex girlfriends?" She asks without thinking. That really shouldn't be the detail that catches her attention, but she can't help it. She was already sure Carina was interested in her, but it's nice to confirm there was actually a possibility of something happening and not just her being a flirt.

"Yeah, a few times," Andrew rolls her eyes. "She says it's her way of getting revenge for them hurting me? She gets them interested and then drops them? I don't know, I've always told her not to. Carina does what and who she wants, though." He focuses on stirring the pot for a moment, letting silence settle between them. "You're sure it's okay she stays here? It's really okay if you want her staying at a hotel instead. I won't be upset."

"Seriously, it's okay." Maya looks down as Whiskers starts rubbing up against her leg. She leans over and picks him up, cuddling him against her chest and focusing on the way he purrs softly. "She's family, therefore she's always welcome here. Especially as long as she keeps cooking whatever that is. It smells so good."

Andrew grins, "it's our mom's bolognese recipe. Carina was always better at cooking it than I am." He gets lost in thought for a moment, the same way he does sometimes when he's thinking about his mother.

Maya walks over and pats his shoulder, wanting to comfort him without making a huge deal out of it. "She's family, she stays."

"Thank you," Andrew says, looking over at her with a grateful smile. "As much as she gets on my nerves sometimes, I have really missed her. It'll be nice having her around for a while." He sets down the spoon in his hand and reaches up to scratch Whiskers' ears. "You hear that, buddy? We have a new roommate for a while. She doesn't like cats, but I know you'll make her come around."

Maya laughs lightly as Andrew continues talking to the cat, but her mind is elsewhere.

She's wondering if letting Carina stay here is really the best idea. She meant what she said, Carina is family so of course she's always welcome. However, she can't help but feel nervous about the arrangement. There's this pit in the bottom of her stomach that tells her this is risky. Of course she promised Andrew nothing would happen with Carina, but she can't shake the thought in the back of her head that there's maybe something there between her and Carina, and she'd like to explore it further.

It doesn't matter though. She shuts the door on those thoughts just as quickly as it opened. She promised Andrew and she doesn't break her promises. Andrew's friendship is too important to her to let that happen.

So she'll be cordial. She'll be kind and she'll be a good host while Carina stays here, but that's it. There won't be anymore flirting or charged looks or sultry smirks. Nothing. Carina is Andrew's sister and that's it. That's all she'll ever be.

Still, Maya can't help but wonder what she might be missing out on.

Chapter Text

The first week Carina is in Seattle, they don't really run into each other much. Carina spends almost all of her time at the hospital working on her research, so she's rarely home when Maya is. Carina is usually gone in the mornings when Maya gets back from her run, and the few times she is still home, she’s on her way out so their interactions are rushed and insignificant. Twice that week they're both home for dinner, but Andrew is there too and he's a good buffer.

Almost.

Andrew's presence doesn't mean Maya can't feel Carina's eyes on her everytime Andrew looks away. It doesn't mean Carina doesn't let her hand linger on Maya's waist as she slides around her in the kitchen. It doesn't mean Carina doesn’t purposefully sit a little too close to Maya on the couch when they all settle down to watch TV before bed.

Her actions aren't overly aggressive and Maya knows Carina would stop if she asked her to, but she doesn't. She doesn't discourage any of it. She sends Carina her own heated glances across the dinner table even though she told herself she can't do that. She leans back a little into Carina's hand when it's on her back and then chastises herself afterwards. She lets her arm press against Carina's on the couch and then feels bad about it when she lays in bed that night.

She knows it's a dangerous line to walk and she shouldn't be risking it, but there's a thrill that lights up her entire body anytime she's even in the same room as Carina and she can't help it. She's interested in Carina and she wants to get to know her.

Whenever she drops a patient off in the ER, she can't help but let her eyes scan the whole room, hoping for a chance to see Carina. Even though Carina told her all her time is split between the MRI lab and the research library where she looks over the scans, Maya can't help but hope she's for some reason in the ER so she can see her without the constant presence of Andrew that always accompanies her at home. But so far, Maya hasn't been that lucky.

Aside from those few minutes in her apartment before Andrew got home that first day, she's never been alone with Carina. She doesn't know if she fully trusts herself to be, but it's the thing she craves most. Even just a quick exchange in a crowded ER would make her happy, being able to look at Carina without having to worry she's giving anything away to Andrew.

Andrew.

Her roommate.

Her friend.

She really needs to put an end to whatever this thing is with Carina. It isn't really anything more than a possibility, but it needs to stop. And in the moments where she's at the station or home while Carina is at the hospital, it's easy to remind herself why it can never actually be a thing. It's easy to remember the promise she made five months ago. She runs her fingers over the blue ink reminder on her wrist, the tattoo she shares with Andrew, so often she thinks she's going to wipe it off some days. It's a constant reminder of her friendship with him and the promise she made.

In those moments, she almost has herself convinced she's over it.

But then she sees Carina's smile or feels her hand on her back and the butterflies in her stomach start to swarm. Then she forgets all the hard work she's done trying to convince herself this can't happen.

She doesn't know if she can last for several weeks without doing something stupid.

Truthfully, she doesn't know if she wants to.

Halfway through the second week, she actually does run into Carina in the hospital.

She's working the aid car with Miller when they're called for an MVC. It's a relatively easy call, just a single car that ran off the road into a ditch. There's no gas leaking and the driver is conscious and alert when they get there. But while Miller is evaluating the driver, she starts to seize and a flailing arm catches Miller in the head, her watch cutting above his eyebrow. Luckily, they're able to quickly stop the seizure and then Maya stops Miller's head from bleeding too much.

Maya tells him he'll need stitches at the hospital, but he refuses to believe it. Sure enough, once they've handed their patient off in the ER, Dr. Avery happens to be there for a consult and takes a look at Miller's head. He confirms he'll need stitches and offers to do them himself after his consult. Maya tries not to rub it in too much that she was right about the stitches as an intern leads them to an exam room to wait for Dr. Avery.

It's while they wait there that Carina finds them.

"Maya?" Asks a newly familiar voice, laced with concern. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Maya turns around and when she sees Carina she tries to ignore the way her heart flips over. She's wearing high waisted black pants and black heels that give her another couple inches over Maya. She has on a lilac blouse with a white coat over it that has, "Dr. Carina DeLuca" stitched at the top. Her hair is flowing in waves over her shoulders and her makeup is light. Maya can't deny she looks sexy as hell, but she does her best to stop her eyes from lingering too long.

"Hey," she says softly. "Yeah, I'm okay. Miller took a knock on a call," she nods her head back towards where he sits on an exam table, "so Dr. Avery needs to give him some stitches."

"Ahh," Carina hums, stepping further into the room. Her shoulders may or may not relax a little once she knows Maya is okay and Maya tries not to read too much into that. "I am happy to see you." She flashes her classic half smirk.

"It's nice to see you too," Maya says, hoping the excitement in her voice doesn't give away just how nice she thinks it is.

This moment is one she's been hoping for since Carina came to town. Seeing her outside of the townhouse, in the hospital, in her element and most importantly, without Andrew around. As dangerous as it may be, she's been wanting a little alone time with her to see if she still feels as attracted to her, wondering if the thrill she feels around her is just because they're around Andrew and he basically forbade them from being a thing. She wants to know if it's really just the risk of walking that line in plain sight making her heart race so much around Carina or if it's something more.

But as Maya stands in front of Carina right now, she still feels that same spark in her chest and she knows it's real.

Dammit, she's so screwed.

"I have never seen your uniform before. It's…nice," Carina says. The way she pauses lets Maya know that isn't the first word she would've chosen, but is trying to be tame.

Maya looks down at her black clothes, the shirt collar suddenly feeling a little too tight as she feels Carina's eyes on her. There's nothing special about the day-to-day uniform, but in Carina's eyes she almost feels like she's in her turnouts, strong and powerful and brave enough to run into a burning building.

She's about to respond when she hears Miller clear his throat behind her. Honestly, she'd kind of forgotten he was even there. He gives her a knowing look and she can already hear the relentless teasing he's going to give her once they're alone again. She just hopes he won't say anything to the rest of the team when they get back to the station.

"Oh right," Maya shakes her head. "Carina, this is Dean Miller, he works with me at the station. Miller, this is Dr. Carina DeLuca."

Carina steps further into the room so she can shake hands with Miller. "Very nice to meet you."

"You too," Miller says. "Wait, DeLuca? You're Andrew's sister?"

"Yes, that's right. He is my baby brother." She perks up a little at that, proud smile on her face.

For as much as they bicker, Maya knows how much Andrew and Carina love and respect each other. They're proud to be able to call each other family.

"That's awesome, we heard you were in town but he hasn't brought you around yet. You'll have come out to the bar with us one night. DeLucs is basically one of us, so we'd love to get to know you more," Miller tells her. His tone tells Maya he's mostly saying this so he can get her around Carina in front of the rest of the station so they can all join in on teasing her.

"I would love that," Carina says, clearly excited at the idea. "I have heard so much about your team. It would be nice to meet everyone."

"I know they would love to meet you." Miller shoots Maya a wink, pleased with himself for setting this up.

"Sorry to hold you up, Carina," Maya says suddenly. She feels caught and she doesn't like the way it seems like her shirt collar keeps tightening. "I'm sure you need to get back to work."

"I was actually on my way to get a caffè," she says. "Do you have a few minutes to go with me, Maya?"

Maya looks up at her and the hopeful look in Carina's eyes is one she knows she can't refuse, though honestly she wouldn't want to.

She looks at Dean and even though he's looking at her with raised eyebrows that promise to never let her forget this, he mouths "go" as encouragement.

"Uh yeah," Maya says. "I have some time. That would be really nice."

"Perfetto," Carina smiles.

"Perfetto," Miller repeats, discretely kicking Maya in the leg and subsequently ignoring the pinch Maya gives his arm in retaliation. He instead focuses on Carina. "It was really great to meet you, hopefully I'll see you again soon. Drop by the station whenever you want, you're always welcome." He barely flinches as Maya pinches his arm again.

"That would be amazing!" Carina's whole face lights up. "I would love to see where Maya works."

"Our fire station is your fire station. You're welcome anytime. I know the whole team will really love having you there."

Maya is actually considering punching Miller right now and giving him another cut for Dr. Avery to stitch up. She knows exactly what he's doing, trying to get Maya and Carina in front of the entire team so they can see firsthand what he's currently experiencing, which is a slightly nervous Maya because that's an absolute anomaly. Maya doesn't get nervous and if she does, she certainly doesn't let anyone else see it.

Dammit, she's never going to hear the end of this.

To avoid taking a swing at him, Maya takes a step forward instead. "Miller, text me when you're done here and I'll meet you at the aid car."

"Sure thing," Miller says, tone arrogant and proud.

Carina and Miller exchange goodbyes and then she leads Maya out of the room. Maya makes sure to throw up a middle finger at Miller as she leaves the room, which only causes him to laugh.

"Caffè in America is not very good," Carina says as she takes a sip from her cup.

They're outside the hospital at one of the coffee stands by the parking lot. Andrew told her early on this was the best stand at the hospital and he's clearly already shared that information with Carina as well. They're sitting at one of the little tables across from each other, enjoying the rare afternoon sunshine while it lasts.

Maya laughs, having already heard Andrew complain about the same thing several times. "Well when you only have Italian coffee to compare it to, of course it isn't."

"I will have to buy a real caffè machine for the house and show you what you're missing," Carina says. A sly smile crosses her face before she adds, "or you could just let me steal you away to Italy and I will show you the real thing."

Maya's heart races with the idea of them alone in Italy. Her mind begs to run wild with all the things they could possibly get up to far, far away from Seattle, but she forces herself to stop.

"That would be cool," Maya says, staying nonchalant about it. "So how is your research going?" She asks to change the subject, biting her tongue when she realizes that isn't really the best topic to ask about if she wants to control her heart rate.

Carina's eyes light up at the question. If there's one thing Maya has learned about her, it's that she truly loves her work and she's always proud to discuss it and educate people.

"It is going very well," she says. "Some people were uhm…skeptic about it?" She scrunches her eyebrows, searching her brain for the correct word.

"Skeptical," Maya tells her.

"Ah yes," she lays a hand across Maya's arm on the table and squeezes lightly in gratitude. She doesn't pull her hand away afterwards and Maya tells herself not to read into it. "Some people were skeptical about it at the start, but now I have many participants willing to help."

"So what exactly are you doing? How do people help?" Maya knows it's risky to ask, but she's been so curious. Asking around Andrew is a no-go, so she has to take advantage of the alone time.

Carina smirks, but then she smooths her face out so it's nothing but professional when she says, "I ask volunteers to masturbate while they are in an MRI machine and I study the brain scans before, during, and after their orgasm."

Maya barely avoids choking on air. As nonchalantly as she can, she leans back in her seat so she can pull her arm away from Carina, her touch suddenly burning like fire across her skin. She doesn't know what she had been expecting, but it wasn't that. She knows this is a serious, medically focused study meant to educate, but also…the hottest woman she's even met is talking about masturbation and orgasms. Maya is just supposed to not react to that?

She pauses for a moment to collect herself and then does her best to stay as professional as possible about it.

"That's very interesting," she says. She knows it's a lame response, but it's the best she can manage. "Women just volunteer for that?"

"Sì," Carina nods. "It took a little convincing for some women to agree, Americans are so prude. I had no trouble finding participants in Italy."

"They're probably just a little intimidated by everything."

Carina tilts her head down and looks at Maya with a smile. "You think I'm intimidating?"

It's a challenge, Maya knows it is. Carina wants to know what Maya thinks of her, maybe figure out why she won't ever fully engage with her flirting.

Maya takes a steadying breath and says, "no."

It isn't a total lie. Maya doesn't find Carina intimidating. She finds the attraction she feels for her intimidating. Carina, she just finds intriguing and beautiful and intelligent. She wants to keep getting to know her. That desire for more is what scares her. She doesn't know what to do with it because she knows she can't really do anything with it, per Andrew's request.

"I meant they probably find the study intimidating."

Carina halfway rolls her eyes, a little disappointed Maya wouldn't engage with her. "Like I said, Americans are prude."

Maya laughs, knowing she can't really disagree. She aims to change the subject to give herself a break from trying so hard to keep her composure. "Do you see Andrew around the hospital much?"

When Carina finishes taking a sip of her coffee, she shakes her head. "Barely, he avoids me as much as he can. He is embarrassed by my study. He's been in America too long," she fully rolls her eyes this time. "We did have lunch a couple days ago, that was nice."

"That's good, I know he's missed you."

Carina gets quiet for a moment, pursing her lips as she considers her next words. "How does he seem to you?"

The question catches her a little off guard. It should be simple enough to respond, but there's something cautious about Carina's tone that makes her wonder if there's some deeper meaning to it.

"What do you mean?" She asks, wanting to see if she can get a little more detail.

"I just mean…how is he doing?" She asks, shrugging her shoulders like it's no big deal. She's picking at the order sticker on her coffee cup with her thumbnail, which makes her seem almost nervous. "I don't check in on him enough. He doesn't like when I do, but he's my baby brother. I just worry about him sometimes."

Maya still thinks she's trying to downplay this, but she won't push any further. If there's something else going on, she hopes it will come up when the time is right.

"He seems okay to me," Maya says. "He's tired a lot, but that's just because of how much he works. Once he gets some sleep he's back to normal. He seems happy here. He really loves his job."

Carina has a proud smile on her face. "That's good. I want him to be happy."

They settle into a comfortable silence for a few moments, drinking their coffee and enjoying the sunny day. Maya checks her phone for a text from Miller that he's ready to go, but nothing yet. She wracks her brain for another question. She has limited alone time with Carina so she wants to take advantage of it.

"So if Andrew avoids you most of the time, do you get lonely by yourself?" She asks.

Carina shakes her head, "no, no, I am rarely on my own. When I am actually taking scans, I don't allow anyone else in the room for privacy. But when I study them, many doctors ask to learn more. They are too shy to participate, but they're interested in the results." There's a brief pause and then, "Dr. Robbins spends a lot of time in the research lab with me discussing the scans."

Maya feels a chill down her spine at that, but she isn't sure what it means. She knows Arizona Robbins. Andrew lived with her before her daughter moved back from New York and he offered to leave. That's how he became Maya's roommate. She's only seen Arizona around the hospital a couple times, but she's joined them at the bar a few nights. She and Maya have heavily flirted on more than one occasion, but nothing ever came of it even though Andrew encouraged her to make a real move. She has nothing against kids, she just doesn't want to date someone with one. Though, Arizona did have her tempted to break that rule a few times.

She isn't sure why the idea of Carina and Arizona spending time together doesn't sit well with her. She's happy Carina is making friends, but for some reason she doesn't really like that it's Arizona.

"That's great," Maya says instead. "Arizona is really nice."

"Yes she is," Carina says, almost a little dreamily. "You know her?"

"Just a little. She was Andrew's roommate before me so we've hung out a few times at the bar." She wants to stop talking about Arizona immediately. "Have you seen Andrew's ex?"

Maya knows all about the surgical intern Sam Bello, who also happens to be Andrew's ex from med school. When Sam first showed up at the hospital, Andrew had called Maya freaking out. After she talked him down and he was able to form a coherent thought that wasn't a rambling mess of English and Italian, he explained the situation.

Andrew and Sam had dated in med school and it had been a whirlwind of drama and heightened emotions that ultimately imploded. They were too young and selfish to be able to have a mature relationship, but Andrew admits he did really love her, just not in a healthy way. After Sam ended things, he apparently ran away to Italy and hid out with Carina for weeks so she could pick up the pieces.

Andrew had been so freaked out when Sam showed up at the hospital, Maya was worried the chaos would begin again between them, but things have actually been pretty quiet. Andrew says he avoids her as much as possible and when they're forced to work on the same case, they manage to be civil and professional.

Maya thinks Carina might be less likely to forgive and forget so quickly, though. Andrew told Maya that Carina hates Sam. Even after Andrew moved on, Carina still bad mouthed her at any chance. Being the protective big sister Carina is, she couldn't forgive Sam for devastating Andrew the way she did.

Carina groans and rolls her eyes. "Barely. She avoids me even more than Andrea, but I am okay with that. She knows I don't like her."

Maya laughs at how annoyed Carina is. She can't help but think how cute Carina is like this, with her brow furrowed and her nose wrinkled to one side.

Luckily Maya gets a distraction from that thought when her phone dings with a text from Miller saying he's ready in the aid car. He couldn't have more perfect timing.

"That's Miller, I have to go," Maya says, rising from the table.

Carina stands too and she almost looks a little disappointed Maya has to leave, but she plays it off. "Yes, I should be getting back to the lab. It was really nice to see you, Maya."

Maya swoons a little at the way Carina says her name, she always does. "It was really good to see you too."

Carina hesitates a moment and then steps forward to wrap Maya in a hug. It's the most physical contact they've ever had and Maya's head is spinning. Carina smells so good and the rare Seattle sun has warmed her body perfectly. Hugging her makes all the tension and worry float away from Maya's body and she doesn't want it to ever end.

The hug lasts a couple seconds longer than it probably should. Carina is smiling at her when she pulls away, happy and content.

"You work until tomorrow morning, yes?" Carina asks her. When Maya nods she says, "well be safe. I will see you tomorrow."

Maya's heart aches a little knowing it'll be that long before she sees her again. Dammit she really needs to get a handle on her feelings. Stop getting distracted.

Eyes forward.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Carina squeezes her shoulder, letting her hand rest there an extra second or two, and then she heads back towards the hospital. Maya watches her walk away, heart flipping in her chest when Carina glances back at her over her shoulder and smiles.

This whole thing is going to be the death of her, she knows it.

Fuck.

When she makes it back to the aid car, Miller is sitting in the passenger seat, his smirk barely contained on his face.

"Don't," Maya warns as she steps up into the driver's seat.

"I didn't say anything," Dean says, holding his hands up like he's innocent when they both know he isn't.

"Don't," Maya just repeats. She turns the key in the ignition and fastens her seat belt.

She ignores the way Dean keeps shooting her glances on the short drive back to the station. She knows there's so much he wants to say, so many questions to ask and so many teasing comments to make. She pretends she's oblivious to it though, driving back to the station in silence and trying to act as if everything is normal. Because it is.

Once she's backed the aid car into place and turned off the engine, she turns to Miller with an accusatory look. "I swear if you say anything to anyone, I will make your life a living hell," she warns.

He almost looks a little nervous, but he just laughs and holds his hands up again. "I won't say anything," he tells her.

Maya doesn't know if she believes him, but she doesn't want to keep pressing. She's already made a big enough deal about this, she doesn't need to fuel it anymore.

She hops out of the aid car and is about to head towards the stairs to get something to eat when she hears a shout from up on the gangway.

"You didn't tell us DeLucs's sister was hot!" Andy shouts.

"Get it, girl!" Vic adds.

Travis whoops and says, "I'm going to need all the details."

Jack asks, "is there a second hot Italian sister for me?"

Maya turns on Dean, eyes burning with annoyance and betrayal. This time he definitely looks nervous.

"I told you I wouldn't say anything. You didn't ask if I'd already said anything," he says in defense like that would actually work.

She smacks his shoulder and turns around, knowing she has to face her friends. She takes a breath and heads towards the stairs again, ignoring the stream of questions still being shot at her.

When she gets up to the top, the team has congregated near her, begging for answers. She turns to them with as calm of a face as she can manage and says, "I'm not telling you anything because there's literally nothing to tell."

They all groan, clearly not buying it.

"You left me wounded and bleeding for her," Miller says from a few steps back. "Clearly there's something."

"Would you like to see Dr. Avery again?" She asks as she shoots him a glare. He backs up a couple steps so he's out of her range of motion.

"I hate you all," she says and heads towards the beanery.

They follow after her asking question after question, but she ignores them. She can't indulge or she'll be admitting to them and herself there's something there and she's been trying really hard to convince herself there isn't.

If she continues to ignore this, maybe it'll eventually go away.

Head up.

Eyes forward.

Chapter Text

A lengthy run on a crisp morning just as the sun is starting to rise will always be Maya's happiest time. Even though she hasn't been competitively running for years, running is still her therapy. There's nothing a few miles through the neighborhood can't solve. She's been going on even more runs lately, trying to work through her attraction towards Carina.

It hasn't helped.

Even still, running will always be a simple pleasure for her. But for Andrew, the story is a bit different.

"Six miles is way too many," Andrew huffs, collapsing to the ground outside their townhouse the second they get back. "Remind me to never let you convince me to do that ever again." He's flat on his back, arms stretched above his head to open up his lungs as he heaves in deep breaths.

Maya laughs as she jogs in place next to him, wanting to hit 10,000 steps before going back inside. "It wasn't that bad," she tells him. "And it wasn't even a full six miles. I usually go twice as far, but I was worried about you passing out. Just six miles is a piece of cake."

"Easy for you to say, you're like a running robot. A gold medal winning, unstoppable, running robot whose batteries are fueled by your obsessive desire to win that's so vast it shouldn't be able to fit in your tiny body," Andrew complains. "For us mere mortals, six miles is fucking insane."

That just makes Maya laugh even harder, while also filling her with a surge of pride. She's always been proud of her running prowess and even though most people call her a robot as an insult, she's always taken it as a compliment. She is a machine. A finely tuned, meticulously cared for machine and she's proud of all the effort she's put into being her best. There's nothing insulting about that to her.

"You're the one who said you wanted to join me this morning," Maya points out. "You could've just slept in." She checks the step count on her watch and sees she's just 200 steps away from her goal. She increases her steps so she'll finish more quickly.

"Worst idea I've ever had," Andrew groans. He rolls over so he's face down on the ground, running his hands over the freshly cut grass. "This grass is so soft, like a pillow. Which is good because I don't think I can ever move again." His words are muffled by the grass, but he makes no effort to turn his head.

Maya rolls her eyes, watching the count on her watch for the last dozen steps. As soon as 10,000 flashes across the screen she halts her steps and smiles to herself at her accomplishment.

"Just think about how much your secret crush is going to appreciate your hot bod after you go on a few more runs like that," Maya teases, laughing when Andrew groans into the grass.

He's been smiling at his phone a little too often and getting lost in his thoughts, staring all doe-eyed at nothing as he thinks about whoever it is on his mind. He refuses to divulge any information, though, and he denies the existence of such a crush anytime he's asked about it. Saying instead he's just distracted by a case at work. Maya knows it's bullshit, and Carina does too once she joins in on the line of questioning, but he refuses to budge.

Maya is pretty sure it's someone at work, but she knows it isn't Stephanie or Jo, so she assumes it's his ex, Sam. Andrew vehemently denies it's her and swears there's no one at all. Carina told Maya on the down low she was going to try and gather some intel at the hospital, but Andrew caught on quickly and now avoids his sister expertly at work. Carina hasn't been able to get anything so far. Carina thinks it's Sam as well, but she really hopes it isn't. She swears if it's Sam then she'll never let Andrew hear the end of it, but Maya just wants him to be happy.

"There's no crush," he insists, exasperation clear even through his muffled words.

"Sure there's not," she chuckles, letting it go. For now, at least. "Do I need to carry you inside?"

"You honestly might have to," he says quickly, grateful for the change of topic.

"You're so dramatic," Maya teases. She walks the few feet over to him and nudges him in the ribs with the toe of her shoe. "Roll over, I'll help you up."

Andrew groans loudly as he does what she says. He reaches up a hand weakly and looks genuinely surprised by how easily Maya pulls him to his feet. She reaches up and picks a few pieces of grass out of his hair.

"You need to shower, you're disgusting," she tells him, wrinkling her nose at how drenched in sweat he is.

"The fact you barely break a sweat running that far just reinforces my whole robot theory," Andrew says.

"Drew, babe, that's just called being in shape."

Maya heads towards their door, tugging on Andrew's elbow so he follows after her instead of falling back to the ground like she knows he's tempted to do.

When they get back inside, there's Italian music playing through a speaker in the kitchen and Maya can hear Carina softly singing along. When she hears the door close, Carina steps into the living room with a small cup of espresso in each hand. She followed through with her promise of buying a machine for the house to make Maya authentic Italian coffee and it's honestly been life changing. And not just because Carina is the one making it for her, though that certainly doesn't hurt.

"Buongiorno," Carina beams, stepping forward and handing one cup each to Maya and Andrew. "How was your run?"

"It was hell," Andrew complains, taking a sip of his espresso and sighing at how good it is.

"He's exaggerating," Maya says, shaking her head. "It was really great." She takes her own sip of espresso and barely stops herself from groaning. She doesn't know if she can ever drink American coffee ever again. "You should come with us sometime," she tells Carina.

Both Carina and Andrew burst out laughing at the suggestion.

"No, I don't run," Carina says, dismissing the idea immediately. "You two are on your own."

"I'm going to shower and get ready for work," Andrew says, backing down the hallway towards the bathroom. "Thanks for the caffè, Carina. Maya, I hate you for doing that to me." He practically limps into his room and closes the door, only for it to pop back open a second later. "If I'm not out in 15 minutes, check to make sure I haven't passed out in the shower," he says before closing the door again.

"Yeah, I might have pushed him a little too far," she admits to Carina once he's gone. "You're up early this morning," she observes, noticing Carina is already dressed for work, hair and makeup done as well.

And damn does she look so good.

There's nothing special about the flowy beige blouse and black pants she's wearing, but there doesn't have to be something special about anything Carina wears. Just by being worn by her, it's automatically an outfit suitable for any high end fashion runway.

"I have many participants today. I need to get started early," Carina says. She walks back towards the kitchen where her laptop bag is on the counter. "I was worried I wouldn't see you before I left." She looks back at Maya over her shoulder and smiles.

Against her wishes, Maya breaks out into a smile knowing Carina wanted to see her. Admittedly, she would've been disappointed if she got back and Carina was already gone.

"Don't worry, I'm here," Maya says, hopping up onto one of the stools next to where Carina is standing at the counter. Whiskers is asleep on the next stool, so she reaches over to scratch behind his ears and he starts purring softly.

"Thank god for that," Carina says with a wink.

Maya drops her eyes and focuses on her espresso instead, taking another sip and hoping the blush in her cheeks isn't obvious.

"You will be home tonight, yes?" Carina asks. "I am going to cook us all dinner, my mom's chicken cacciatore recipe. It was always Andrea's favorite growing up."

"Yeah, Andrew told me. That sounds incredible," Maya says. "I'll definitely be here."

"Perfetto." Carina reaches out and squeezes Maya's arm, letting her fingertips slide across her skin when she pulls her hand away. "I have to go, but I will see you tonight."

"See you tonight," Maya smiles, ignoring the way her skin burns where Carina touched her. "Have a good day."

Carina's eyes linger on Maya for a moment, like she wants to say something else. But instead, she grabs her bag off the counter and gives Maya a wave before turning around and leaving the house.

Maya waits until she hears the door latch closed before letting out a sigh and dropping her shoulders.

She doesn't know how much longer she can keep doing this. She isn't used to being so out of control with her feelings. She's usually so good at staying on task, but with Carina she keeps forgetting what the task even is.

Maybe she could talk to Andrew, see if now that they're such good friends and Carina hasn't caused any trouble yet, maybe he would be open to the idea of them dating.

Maya actually laughs at herself when she realizes what she's thinking. She doesn't date. And Carina probably won't even be here much longer. There's no reason to risk ruining things with Andrew for a fling.

No.

This isn't happening.

She walks over to the speaker and switches it off, ending the Italian music that's been playing and willing her brain to stop plaguing her with thoughts of Carina just as easily.

Maya has always been annoyed with days off. When she was training for the Olympics, there was no such thing as a day off. Her dad always told her days off were a waste of valuable time and only losers took days off. Maya was a winner. She didn't need a break. She needed to train. She needed to keep her eyes forward and win.

So mandatory days off were a foreign concept to her when she started working at Station 19. She used to still go to the station every day she had off and see if she could pick up extra time either on the aid car or even the front desk as much as she hated it. Anything to keep moving forward. Then Captain Herrera noticed she was on the clock over 80 hours most weeks and he put a stop to it immediately. Andy started inviting her to lunch or the movies on their days off for a while after that and Maya is sure Captain had something to do with it.

She's gotten better about actually taking advantage of her off days, but barely. She still makes herself be productive in some way whether she's cleaning or grocery shopping or working out. She can't just sit still.

These days, she has even more reason to keep herself occupied. If she's busy, she can't think of Carina.

But by lunchtime, she's done three loads of laundry, has cleaned every surface in the house and even brushed Whiskers so much she could make a second cat out of all the fur. She has nothing left to do and she still has several hours before Andrew and Carina get home.

She knows the normal thing to do would be relaxing on the couch and watching Netflix or reading, but that all sounds terrible to her. She can't sit still that long by herself.

She reaches for her phone across the kitchen island and calls Andy, figuring maybe she can give her something to do. The phone rings and rings and rings. Maya is about to hang up, assuming Andy is busy, when finally the call connects.

"Hey, Maya. What's up?" Andy answers, breathing heavily.

"Why are you so out of breath?" She asks instead of answering Andy's question.

"Oh uh…I'm just finishing up a workout."

Maya doesn't buy that for a second. "I've never heard you breathe like that after a workout. You're almost in as good of shape as me." Maya waits for a reply that never comes when finally it clicks in her head what's going on. "Oh my god, ew. Are you with Jack right now?"

There's a hesitant pause as Andy tries to slow her breathing down. "I feel like you don't want an honest answer to that."

"Gross, I can't believe you answered your phone while you're screwing him. As proud of you as I am that you're getting laid, that's so creepy."

"I'm not currently screwing him. He's in the bathroom," Andy says in a hushed tone.

Andy and Jack aren't public with their relationship. Captain Herrera would lose his shit if he knew about it. So they keep things a secret and steal moments away when they're able.

Maya knows, of course. Andy could never keep anything from her. And while Jack doesn't outright know Maya is aware of their discreet affair, she knows he assumes so. He'll never ask, but she'll catch him looking at her sometimes like he's wondering what she knows.

Maya is pretty sure Andy is just in it for the sex and gets turned on by the secrecy of it all, though she swears she really does have feelings for him. Maya is definitely sure Jack is head over heels for Andy. She almost feels a little sorry for him, knowing Andy might not be as into it. But she can never say anything about that to him, can never warn him before he gets hurt. Andy dismisses Maya's concerns anytime she brings it up, insisting her feelings are genuine.

"Still kinda creepy," Maya says. "I was calling to see if you wanted to hang out, but you're clearly preoccupied."

"Yeah, you could say that," Andy laughs. The sound of sheets ruffling filters through the line before Andy says, "it's barely past noon and you're already bored? Can you ever just relax? That's what I do on my off days. That's the whole point."

"Well we don't all have such easy access to a fuck buddy like you do." She sounds a little bitter, she knows. She doesn't mean to, but she's realizing now it's been way too long since she’s had sex and she's not okay with it.

Her off days on Wednesdays used to be her hookup days. She'd go to a bar on those nights, find some cute girl or guy to talk up, then she'd bring them home and enjoy a night of meaningless sex only to send them on their way come morning and never look back. It was practically her brand. She was so consistent, even after Andrew moved in. He would tease her about it on Thursday mornings, waking up earlier so he could make sure to see them leave. He would make up his own names for them because she would never remember what they really were. Taylor Swift Wannabe, Pornstache, Bicurious Prom Queen, Hipster Ken Doll, the list goes on. He got such a kick out of it, she got to the point where she was picking people up solely based on their name-ability the next morning, trying to guess what Andrew would call them.

She's realizing now it's been nearly a month since she's had her Wednesday night conquest. Not since Carina arrived to town. She tells herself it's just because she's been busy and not because she isn't interested in anyone other than Carina. That can't be true.

Today is Wednesday, she should go out tonight. But Carina is making dinner and she said she'd be home.

Dammit. This can't be about her.

"He's more than just a fuck buddy," Andy insists, interrupting Maya's thoughts. "And you could have the same easy access to great sex if you would just woman up and make a move on your hot, Italian doctor."

"She isn't my anything. There's nothing going on," Maya dismisses. She's regretting calling Andy in the first place.

"But you want there to be."

"Okay, I'm hanging up now."

There's a sound of a door opening and Andy says, "perfect timing. Try to enjoy your day off, okay? Read a book or take a walk. Just relax, it'll be good for you."

"Yeah, I'll try that," Maya says, even though they both know she won't. "See you tomorrow."

"Bye," Andy says, cutting off a giggle as she hangs up the phone.

Maya doesn't even want to imagine what Jack was doing to make her laugh like that.

She knows Andy is right. She needs to just relax, but how is she supposed to do that? When things get quiet, she can only think of Carina, which is the worst possible thing she could be thinking of. She shouldn't be so preoccupied with the way Carina laughs when she's tipsy off one too many glasses of wine with dinner. Or the way her voice cracks when she's still sleepy in the mornings before she's made coffee. Or the way her hands seem to always find Maya when they're around each other, whether they're gently pressed to her back when she passes by in the kitchen or how she always goes out of her way to brush her fingers against Maya's hands whenever she gives her something.

No. She can't be thinking about that. She needs something to do in order to keep herself distracted.

She considers calling Vic, but thinks she remembers her saying something about a spa day with Travis. She could call Miller, but he's been almost as bad as Andy when it comes to teasing her about Carina, so she doesn't want to deal with that.

Ultimately, she decides to go for another run. A longer one this time since she doesn't need to keep things easy for Andrew. She brings her headphones and finds a heavy metal playlist that she'll be able to turn up loud enough to drown out her thoughts.

Maybe that'll do the trick.

It doesn't do shit.

8 miles into the run her phone chimes with a string of 4 texts, interrupting her music. Usually, she would ignore them until after she was done, but so many messages in quick succession has her worried something is wrong. So she slows down and steps off the trail, walking a few steps towards the water to be out of everyone's way.

When she pulls her phone from her pocket, she has to fight to suppress her grin when she sees the texts are from Carina. Dammit. Carina shouldn't have her smiling like this, but luckily no one is around to judge her for it. She lets herself freely smile.

But the smile fades once she unlocks the phone and reads the messages.

Carina: 1:39PM
Andrea has to observe a patient
all night. He won't be home for
dinner

:(

Carina: 1:40PM
But he told me to still cook for you.
I guess it's just you and me tonight

:)

She's excited about the idea of them having the house to themselves, but that's also what worries her. Aside from that day they got coffee together and a few minutes here and there while Andrew is in his room or when he gets home a little later than Carina, they've hardly spent any time alone.

Maya wants to get to know Carina better. She's Andrew's sister and has been their third roommate for a few weeks now and she still doesn't know much about her aside from her research and the limited info Andrew has told her. This is a good opportunity to learn more. But yet her stomach is doing somersaults and her heart rate is picking up, which she knows she can't blame on the run.

It's infuriating how much of an effect Carina is able to have on her. This isn't normal for Maya, none of it is. She's historically been so good at avoiding catching feelings no matter how hard the person of interest tries. But with Carina, all she had to do was smile at Maya in her kitchen and she was a goner.

Maya hates it.

She considers telling Carina they should just do dinner another night and making Andy get dinner with her instead so she has an excuse. This whole night was planned for Andrew anyway, so would it really be fair to carry on without him?

But she can't do that. Carina was so excited to make Andrew's favorite meal tonight and she has to be upset he can't make it now. Maya can't bail on her too. She isn't that cruel.

She types out a quick text, then starts her run back home, knowing continuing it will be pointless with all the thoughts flying through her head. She'll just go home, shower, and figure out how to deal with it. She's stronger than this.

Right?

Maya: 1:45PM
Bummed Andrew can't make it.
More cacciatore for me I guess

Carina: 1:47PM
;)

Maya is just walking back up to the townhouse when her phone starts buzzing again, this time with a call that interrupts the song she's listening to. She takes her phone out of her pocket and when she sees it's Andrew, she feels guilt wash over her.

She hasn't even done anything with Carina, but if Andrew knew even half of the thoughts she's been having, he'd surely never speak to her again.

She swallows down the guilt as best she can and answers the phone.

"Hey, Andrew."

"Maya, hi!" He says, as cheerful as ever. "How many miles have you ran today to try and keep yourself busy?"

Maya rolls her eyes, annoyed at herself for letting Andrew get to know her so well, but also happy she has someone in her life that does.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she dismisses.

Andrew laughs lightly, "uh huh, sure you don't." He pauses and there's an uncomfortable hitch in his breath. "So uh, did Carina get up with you about tonight?"

Maya hates how sad he sounds. He's trying to put on a brave tone, but Maya knows him just as well as he knows her. She can hear the way his voice drops in tone, his cadence slows. He's really upset about having to miss dinner tonight.

"Yeah she did. I'm sorry you can't make it," Maya tells him genuinely.

She unlocks the front door and steps inside. Whiskers immediately jumps up from where he was sleeping under the coat rack and runs to hide under the couch, worried Maya is going to try and brush him again. She hangs her keys on one of the little hooks and kicks off her shoes.

"Me too, I was really looking forward to it," he laments. "How did Carina seem?"

"Uh…" Maya clears her throat and tries her hardest to school her tone. "I mean she only texted me so I couldn't get a good read. She's sad I'm sure, but she understands of course."

"I hated to upset her, but Dr. Grey and I have this patient who's really touch and go, so I need to stay and monitor him overnight."

"It's okay Andrew, really I get it. And Carina is a doctor, so of course she gets it too." Maya pauses as she realizes a way she could get out of this potentially friendship ruining dinner alone with Carina tonight. "You know, why don't you two just have dinner tomorrow night? She's doing this for you, after all."

"No, you two should have dinner. I want you both to still enjoy it and Carina wants to thank you for letting her stay with us," Andrew says, shutting that idea down. "Besides, if we do it tomorrow night then you'll be working and trust me, you don't want to miss out on this meal. Carina makes it almost as good as our mom and it's amazing. You're really in for a treat."

"Well if you insist," Maya says, hoping Andrew can't hear the way her voice starts to break. She walks into the kitchen and pours a glass of water to try and wash down the lump on her throat.

This dinner is really happening then. She's really going to spend the entire evening alone with Carina. And Andrew is encouraging it because he trusts Maya.

She's such a shitty friend for being excited at the idea of being alone with her best friend's sister. What's wrong with her?

"I definitely do. You two have fun, but you better save me some leftovers, okay?"

"If it's as good as you say, then I can't make any promises," Maya teases to lighten the mood.

"Watch it or I'm going to have to scare an intern into staying with my patient for a bit so I can run home and make sure you don't eat it all," Andrew playfully threatens.

"You would leave your critical patient alone with an incompetent intern just for dinner? What would Dr. Grey say?"

"I'd share some cacciatore with her and then she would understand it was necessary," Andrew laughs.

Andrew has the best laugh. It always brightens Maya's day. She never wants to do anything to take that away. She promises herself she'll be on her best behavior tonight.

"So you and Dr. Grey huh?" Maya asks, not able to pass up the opportunity. "You sure are working with her a lot. Maybe she's your secret crush."

"Oh whatever," Andrew laughs. "I don't have a secret crush. I swear between you and Carina, you're starting to actually convince me I am crushing on someone that's apparently a secret to me too."

"Because you are! Andrew, you're terrible at hiding this."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he dismisses.

"I'm talking about your crush, duh."

"I don't have a crush!" Andrew cuts himself off mid-laugh and groans. "Great, like 12 people in the hallway just heard me say that. Totally not embarrassing or anything."

"If you don't actually have a crush, then you shouldn't be bothered by it," Maya points out.

"Oh, fuck you," Andrew laughs. There's some shuffling from his end of the phone and then the sound of a door closing. "I'm going to try and take a nap since I'm going to be up most of the night. Have a good time at dinner, okay? I'm sorry again I can't be there, but I know you'll both have fun."

"Don't worry about us," Maya says even though all she's doing is worrying. "Get some sleep and then just focus on your patient. I hope everything goes okay."

"Yeah, me too. I'll see you later, Maya."

"Bye, Andrew."

She ends the call and then slides her phone so far across the kitchen island it almost falls over the edge, wanting to put distance between it and herself. She can't believe the turn this dinner has taken.

What was supposed to be a fun, family dinner has turned into the biggest challenge she's ever had. Being alone with Carina all night with good food, wine, and inevitably Carina dancing in the kitchen while she cooks and being cute as hell. And Maya has to act as if she isn't affected by any of it. She has to keep her cool and keep it together.

She can totally do this.

Or maybe she should just start packing Andrew's things up for him now since he'll surely want to move out immediately if this night takes the turn Maya's afraid of.

No. No, she can do this. She made a promise and she has to honor that. Maya Bishop isn't a liar.

Everything will be fine. They'll have a nice, polite dinner, and nothing more. This will be okay.

Right?

Chapter Text

Watching Carina cook is an experience.

Maya has seen it a couple times before, but it's always been with Andrew around as well so she's been too entertained by their sibling bickering or actively avoiding looking at Carina in front of him. She hasn't been able to appreciate it like she can tonight.

Carina's long, slender fingers curl perfectly around the knife every time she picks it up, moving it deftly through the vegetables she's chopping. When she stirs the pan on the stovetop, her hips sway with the motions like she's creating music and not dinner. She's never out of arm's reach of a wine glass while she cooks and watching the subtle movements of her throat while she swallows makes Maya's head spin every time. When Carina holds up a spoon to let Maya taste, Carina bites her lip as she waits for Maya's response and she grins brightly when Maya tells her how good it is.

Maya has fleeting fantasies about them both quitting their jobs and running away to Italy to open a restaurant just so she can watch Carina cook every day…but she quickly shakes those thoughts away, no matter how tempting they may be.

Instead she just enjoys this moment, knowing it might be a while before she gets another one.

She offers to help, tries to chop or stir. It's not because she actually wants to--she'd much rather just watch and enjoy--but she doesn't want to make Carina do all the work. Carina turns her down, though. Instead she tasks Maya with opening the wine and keeping their glasses full, which she insists is the most important job in the kitchen.

Maya is cautious with her pour, wanting to remain coherent enough to remember this and not do anything stupid due to lowered inhibitions. Carina rolls her eyes each time Maya tips the bottle back from her glass too soon, claiming Americans are lightweights, but she sips happily anyway.

"I'm sorry Andrew couldn't make it tonight," Maya says during a lull after she finishes telling a story about a call she once had for a teenage boy getting stuck on the roof of his high school during some elaborate promposal for his girlfriend.

She knows Carina is making the best of it by being excited to hang out with just Maya. And Maya knows some of that is genuine, but she can tell Carina is more upset than she's letting on that her brother got stuck at work. Carina understands why of course, but is still sad because Andrew is still holding her at arm's length and she wants to spend time with him.

Maya knows they haven't had the best relationship. That's mostly due to growing up on different continents and not knowing each other very well for so long, but also due to their tumultuous parental history. They were forced to choose sides when things fell apart even though they were both too young and it wasn't fair to them. It's evident Carina really wants to build a solid relationship, hence why she's staying in Seattle longer than initially planned. Maya knows Andrew wants it too, has seen the grateful smile that crosses his face when Carina asks him about his day or hands him an espresso she made just the way he likes, and even when she's annoying him about his crush.

Their relationship has already improved just in the few weeks Carina has been here so far. They still bicker on and off, of course, but they joke around more than they argue now.

Carina actually sat through an entire Seattle Storm game the other night and listened attentively as Andrew explained the rules and talked about his favorite players. Carina did her best to stay engaged even though she says she dislikes any sport other than soccer because, "football is the perfect game, why would I want to watch anything else?"

Andrew even lets Carina talk about her research now without audibly groaning and begging her to stop the entire time. He hardly asks questions so he can limit how much he hears, but Maya has seen him smiling proudly as he listens to how excited Carina is when she discusses her findings.

They're trying with each other and Maya is really happy to see it. So she truly feels bad Carina planned this dinner for him and he wasn't able to make it.

"Me too," Carina says, scrunching her lips up into a pout. "But his work is important and I am proud of him. I will make him dinner another night."

Maya can sense she's trying to be more optimistic than she actually is, brushing off just how upset she really is that he can't make it. So Maya tops off her wine glass even though she just did it a minute ago.

Carina grins appreciatively and takes a sip. "You're getting the hang of that," she teases.

"Thanks, I've been practicing my whole life for this moment."

Carina laughs, "I think you are joking, but I also wouldn't be surprised if it were true."

"I guess you'll never know."

They continue like that until dinner is done. They drink and laugh and Carina dances to the music, eventually convincing Maya to join her on her favorites. Maya keeps offering to help and keeps being denied. Carina takes care of everything, but waves her wine glass around after almost every sip for Maya to top off so she at least has something to do. Maya eventually convinces Carina to let her set the table and she finally feels useful.

The whole thing feels so domestic, Maya doesn't quite know what to do. She briefly lets her mind wander and she imagines night after night like this, maybe all the rest of her nights like this, but she shuts down those thoughts quickly. Because they're crazy. Because that isn't Maya's future. Not with Carina at least. Probably not with anyone. She always says monogamy is for the weak, and she stands by that.

Once they've settled down at the table and Carina has served them both generous helpings of chicken cacciatore and cauliflower rice that she swears by, she sits back and anxiously awaits Maya's feedback. It's not like Carina has ever cooked something that Maya hasn't loved, but considering this is her mom's special recipe, this review is far more important.

She takes her first bite and means to chew thoroughly before giving her response, wanting it to be thoughtful and deserving of the moment, but the instant she tastes it her whole face lights up. "Oh, holy shit, that's so good," she says without meaning to.

Carina has a giddy smile on her face as she asks, "really? You think?"

"Oh my god, yeah. That's seriously incredible, it might be my favorite meal I've ever eaten," she says honestly before taking another bite.

"Yes, it is Andrea's too. I can't make it quite as well as our Mamma did, but it is very close."

"I find it hard to believe anything could be better than this. Andrea will be lucky if I leave any for him." She chews for a moment before she realizes her mistake. "I mean, Andrew," she corrects herself.

She knows Andrea is his given name, but he always asks to be called Andrew. It feels intimate to call him Andrea, like it's something reserved for (or maybe just only tolerated from) his family. Maya isn't sure she qualifies as such just yet.

But maybe Carina does.

"I think you are one of the few people he wouldn’t mind calling him Andrea. He adores you."

Maya can feel her face lighting up at that, but she's quick to deny it. "Oh stop, it's not that big of a deal."

"No, I am serious!" Carina insists. "He loves having you as his friend, Maya. I think you might be the best friend he's ever had. He feels so happy and safe around you, I can see it so clearly. I came to Seattle for my research, yes. But also because I wanted to check in on him. He's doing better than he ever has, and I know a big part of that is you."

Maya has always loved praise, but this is different. This feels so personal. When Maya went looking for a roommate, she really just expected it to be a low key thing. She figured she'd find someone who she got along with, but didn't feel obligated to really bond with. Instead she found Andrew and they connected so deeply right from the start.

She hasn't done anything to get so close to him, though. She's just been herself and apparently that means they complement each other perfectly. So she doesn't think she deserves credit for him being happy. She's just been here, nothing special.

She doesn't want to dismiss another compliment though, so she smiles kindly. "He means a lot to me too."

And he truly does. As much as she didn't think she needed to form such a close bond with her roommate, she's so grateful she did. Andrew really gets her, all of her quirks and flaws and habits, both good and bad. She probably gets along with Andrew better than she does anyone else in her life. They just work together.

"I was worried what I would find when I came here, but I'm very happy to know he has you."

That catches Maya's attention. This isn't the first time she's mentioned being worried about Andrew or checked with Maya to see how he's doing. Maya just always assumed she was being a typical big sister and looking out for her younger brother. Now she isn't so sure. Something about her concern feels weighted.

"Why were you worried?"

Carina takes a bite of her food before she answers, chewing slowly. Maya wonders if she's thinking up an excuse.

"I always worry about him," Carina says eventually. "I've worried about him since I was twelve years old and our Mamma took him to America with her. I can't help but worry about him."

Maya can sense there's something she's not saying. But she isn't going to push it. She figures they don't know each other well enough at this point for her to pry and besides, Andrew is her friend and it would feel like going behind his back to find out information about him without his consent. So she accepts that's all she's getting and continues the conversation.

"I get that. I have a younger brother too. I worry about him all the time."

She doesn't know exactly why she brought Mason up. She doesn't usually like talking about her brother. It's too painful, too personal. But she feels comfortable enough with Carina to do so for some reason. Maybe she just wants to show her she understands what she's feeling. But she thinks it's mostly just because she wants Carina to know this about her, and is willing to open up to her in ways she doesn't with other people. Being known is terrifying for Maya, but here she is freely bringing up one of the most difficult parts of her life.

She has no idea what's wrong with her.

"I didn't know you had a brother," Carina says, smiling as she takes in this new bit of information.

"Yeah, his name is Mason. He's just about two years younger than me."

She lets herself smile a little at the thought of him, thinking about when she was 6 and he used to follow her around everywhere because he said he wanted to be just like his big sister. It's better than thinking about how things are now.

"Are you two close?"

Maya's throat constricts. She takes a sip of wine, hoping the chilled liquid will help ease it. "We used to be, when we were kids. Now not so much."

The look Carina gives her then hits her right in the chest. It's like she knows exactly what Maya isn't saying, knows about the drug addiction and the homelessness and the dropping out of school and the failed attempts at helping him. It's like she knows everything and yet there isn't an ounce of judgement in the way she looks at her. There isn't pity either. There's just empathy and the desire for things to be different for them. There's just kindness and understanding.

Maya drinks more wine.

Carina doesn't push either. She takes the hint in Maya's tone saying this isn't something she wants to divulge and moves on.

"You know, I was in New York City during the London Olympics. I remember seeing you all over the uhm...the big picture signs?"

"Billboards," Maya supplies, an amused smile on her face.

"Yes, billboards. You were everywhere!"

Maya revels in the way Carina grins at her. She wouldn't mind seeing that grin constantly, briefly considers all the things she could do to ensure it becomes a permanent fixture on Carina's face. Most of them would definitely stray into a territory Andrew wouldn't be too fond of, though.

"Yeah, they kept asking me to do photoshoots and I hated it. I don't like that side of sports. I just wanted to run, but I was always one of the first ones they asked."

Maya rolls her eyes, remembering how annoyed she got every time her agent would call her for yet another sponsorship. The money was great, of course, and all the free swag didn’t hurt either, but each one meant a new round of all day photoshoots and she always dreaded those. Though there was usually a cute intern or two on the sets to flirt with that helped occupy her mind and kept things from being too unbearable.

"It is because you are so beautiful," Carina says casually, like she doesn't know the effect that will have on Maya.

Maya doesn't blush. She doesn't. The closest she ever comes is when she's complimented by a superior for a job well done at work, but in those situations it’s just a surge of pride. She doesn’t blush when she’s flustered or embarrassed because she doesn’t get flustered or embarrassed.

But she thinks she might feel her cheeks heat up at that.

She blames it on the wine, takes another sip to justify it.

"Oh stop," Maya laughs, trying to play the whole thing off.

"I am serious!" Carina insists. "I don't usually drink soda, but I was always craving Cokes that whole summer after I saw your billboards. You were a wonderful way to sell their product."

"They surely seemed to think so."

Maya wonders what Carina was like back then. Was her hair a little lighter from the summer sun? Were her cheeks a little fuller, a sign of the indulgent summer spent abroad? Was she happy and healthy and maybe a little wild, enjoying the last few months of true youth before the world expected her to act like a real adult?

She wishes she could've known Carina back then. She almost wishes she would have met Carina first, before Andrew. She wonders what things would be like now if that had been the case. Would it have just been a lust fueled summer that burned so, so hot, but faded out just as quickly as it started? Or would it have evolved into something more? Would they both have realized the capacity they had for one another and made a go of it, settled down and put their mutually wild ways to bed? Would they still be together?

There's no way to ever know, but it doesn't matter. If Maya had met Carina before Andrew, she wouldn't be as close to him as she is now. He would only ever see her as one of his sister's conquests and nothing more. He wouldn't be one of her closest friends, maybe her closest, and imagining that just makes her sad, so she forces herself to stop.

There's a reason Maya didn't meet Carina when they were young. They weren't meant to. But she and Andrew were meant to be friends. Maya knows it and that's more than enough for her.

Their conversation is light and easy the rest of dinner. Carina talks about her research and Maya is amazed at just how intelligent she is. She's a doctor so of course she's smart, Maya knows this, but there are deeper levels to Carina's intelligence. Even if she hadn't spent years training in the medical field, Maya knows Carina is just so naturally smart she would still be impressed listening to her speak about her interests. She would be impressed listening to her speak about even the most mundane things, honestly.

Carina's so kind and considerate about the people helping her out in her trial too. She doesn't just see them as test subjects, she sees them as people. They're very real to her, as they should be, and she's grateful to every single one for how much they help her. It may be her research, but she recognizes it's only possible because of them.

Carina is so passionate and professional, Maya hardly even notices they spend nearly 30 minutes essentially just talking about orgasms. At the end of it, she knows her cheeks are actually just warm from the wine and not from the subject matter. Though, now that she makes that realization she thinks that actually is a contributing factor.

"This was seriously amazing," Maya says again, waving her hand at her empty plate and the partial tray of food. As much as she didn't want to, she stopped herself from taking any more helpings so Andrew can have plenty.

"I am glad you enjoyed it. Anything to make you happy."

She's flirting and Maya knows it. She has a sly smirk on her face and her eyes are glittering, maybe a little darker than normal. They're more than halfway through their second bottle of wine and they're both feeling lighter and looser than they usually do. Their inhibitions are definitely lowered and Maya doesn't know what that might mean for them, but she's more tempted than ever to find out.

But she won't.

She can't.

"You know, I've been here almost a month and you still haven't shown me your gold medal."

She wishes she could say it was at the firestation. It lived there for the longest time, a constant reminder to herself and everyone else of all she’s accomplished. But she brought it home shortly before Carina arrived. She still doesn't know exactly why. She hadn't thought it through, just tucked it in her bag one day when she was packing up after a shift and that was that. When she got home, she hung it up on a wall hook in her room. It's still a constant reminder to herself of all she's accomplished, but maybe she just didn't feel like she needed to prove it to others anymore. She can do that with her actions now, reminders of the past aren't needed.

She wishes she could say it was at the firestation.

But instead, she blurts out, "well it's hanging up in my room."

Carina's eyes go wide with childlike excitement. "Show me?"

It isn't until Maya opens her bedroom door she realizes she's about to be in her room. With Carina. With a bed. Alone.

Fuck.

She shouldn't have had so much wine. She sets down her half full glass on her dresser as soon as she steps in her room, effectively cutting herself off.

Maya catches the way Carina takes a moment to look around her room. Her eyes flit over the pictures on her dresser and she smiles when she sees the one of her and Andrew from the surprise party she threw for him. He has the biggest smile on his face and Maya is mid-laugh, their arms wrapped tightly around each other. He had framed the picture as a thank you for the party and Maya had been happy to display it alongside the pictures she has with Andy, Vic and the rest of the team.

Carina walks towards Maya’s bed, runs her fingertips across the purple bedspread, "this is nice," she muses.

She tries to catch Maya's eyes, but Maya looks away before she can. Maya can't look at Carina while she's that close to her bed. She can't. Not without thinking of all the things they could do there.

"Well, here's the medal," Maya says to move Carina away from the bed. She waves her hand towards said medal, not like Carina would need any help spotting it where it's prominently displayed.

Carina's smirk tells Maya she probably knows what she's doing, but she doesn't say anything. She walks over to where Maya is standing and admires the medal. Maybe she stands a step too close. Maybe their hands brush. Maybe Carina doesn't make any effort to move away.

Maya ignores it.

Well, she tries. She reaches out to straighten the medal on the hook even though it's perfectly in place. But she uses it as an excuse to put a little distance between them, standing back a half step when she pulls her hand away.

"This is amazing," Carina says. "Can I touch it?"

Maya laughs at the question. It's the same one everyone always asks when they see it. Every other time, she says no. But with Carina, she only nods without even thinking about it and feels her heart clench when Carina's face lights up.

Carina steps forward and reaches out her hand towards the medal. Her fingers delicately move over the purple ribbon down to the gold medal. She traces the letters in 'London' and sighs.

"Maya, this is incredible," she says.

"Thank you."

"When Andrew told me his roommate was an Olympic gold medalist, I thought he was joking."

"Most people do," Maya says with a light laugh she hopes doesn't sound forced

Maya watches as Carina moves her fingers with such care, like she's afraid she'll break it if she moves too quickly. She never lets anyone touch the medal because she knows they won't be gentle with it. It's durable, of course, it would take actual effort to damage it, but Maya has never wanted to take that risk. With Carina, though, she didn't even hesitate because she knew she could trust her. She's seen how delicately, but surely, those fingers wrap around the stem of a wine glass or the handle of a kitchen knife. She's felt those fingers intertwined her own exactly once, but she knows the careful power they hold.

She wants to feel those fingers again. Not even in an intimate way. She just wants to hold her hand. She wants to feel those fingers tangle with her own, feel the soft warmth she knows will set her racing heart at ease.

What the fuck? She's fantasizing about holding a woman's hand. She has well and truly lost it.

"Was this the best day of your life?" Carina asks, bringing her back to the moment. She pulls her hand back from the medal and turns towards Maya.

Maya shakes her head to focus herself and says, "yeah, it really was." She hesitates before adding, "but it was also the worst."

She doesn't know why she said that. She doesn't open up about stuff like this. Saying it was the best day could've just been the end of it. That's the answer everyone always wants to hear. They don't want or expect anything more.

But with Carina, she wants to tell her everything. Without her even coaxing, she finds herself wanting to open up. She wants to share parts of herself she usually keeps buried.

Carina's face scrunches up in confusion. "Why is that?"

"Well...uhm," she struggles to find the right words. She's never actually said this aloud before. Andy knows about her brother's struggles, but she doesn't know about this specifically. She hasn't even told Andrew about this. She's always felt such shame surrounding this moment, such responsibility.

She swallows hard and then decides to just say it.

"While I was celebrating my victory in London with our parents, my brother OD'd for the first time back here in Seattle."

As hard as it was, she feels better after saying it. She's used to keeping things to herself, forcing them down and locking them away in the far reaches of her brain. But there's something about sharing this with Carina that instantly makes her feel better and she hasn't even gotten a response yet.

"Oh, Maya," Carina sighs. She reaches out and takes Maya's hand in both of hers. She holds it softly, but surely, just as Maya imagined. There's genuine sympathy in her features, but not pity. Her eyes are kind and the sad smile on her face tells Maya she understands how she must feel without even having it explained. "I am so sorry that happened."

"My parents spent so much of their time getting me ready for London. All their time, really. They didn't have anything left for him. As soon as it was clear I had a talent, I became their sole focus. He got left behind." She still doesn't know exactly why she's sharing all this, but she's glad she is. It just feels so easy with Carina.

"Maya, that isn't your fault," Carina tells her. Maya looks away, but Carina tugs on her hand, making her pay attention. "It isn't your responsibility to make sure your parents are looking out for your brother."

"No, but I could have looked out for him myself. I was so focused on my own life, I never stopped to see if he was okay. He's my little brother, I'm supposed to take care of him. And he hates me for it. He still hasn't recovered. Last time I saw him he was living on the street and he said he was clean, but I don't know. I tried to help him, but he didn't want it. He hates me," she rambles. She's never opened up like this and now that she has, it's like letting down a floodgate. She can't help herself now.

Maya knows she has a big heart. She tries not to, but she can't help it. Yes she's selective of who she cares for, but when she does care, she feels it so deeply she almost can't stand it. She loves her brother so dearly, but she's never felt like she loved him enough. If she had, maybe he wouldn't have gone down the road he did. Maybe she could have saved him.

Carina moves so she's angled more towards Maya. She pulls Maya's hand up to cradle it near her chest. "If there is anything I've learned from growing up with my Papà, it is that you can only help someone so much before they have to help themselves. You can't do it all. It would not be fair to either of you if you did. If he wants to get clean and stay clean and do better, then that is on him. If he asks for help, then you'll be there. I'm sure he knows that."

Maya nods as she takes in everything Carina says. Deep down, she knows Carina is right. Maya can't do everything, but it's her nature to want to try. She's never been good at sitting back and waiting. Her default mode is going after everything, so when things fall through the cracks she can only blame herself.

"I hope he does," is all Maya says back. She doesn't think Carina is expecting anything else. She wouldn't even know what to say if she were.

It's then she realizes she can feel Carina's heart beating against her wrist. Carina is still cradling Maya's hand against her chest and suddenly it's all Maya can think about. Her hands are so warm.

Maya dares a look up and Carina's face is right there. She's so close she almost feels cross eyed looking up at her. Carina's lips curl up into a soft smile and then her eyes dart down to Maya's lips. It's just for a second, but it happened. Maya is sure of it. Carina's grip on her hand tightens, urging her closer. Maya's heart is beating in her ears, the blood rushing through her head and drowning out everything like white noise.

There's just Carina.

Maya feels the same way standing in front of Carina as she does when she's standing in front of a fire. Her whole body is warm and the closer she gets the hotter she feels, almost to the point she can’t breathe, but she doesn’t want to step away. She's smart enough to be terrified somewhere deep in the back of her mind, but she isn't intimidated by that fear. It empowers her. Because even if she's scared, she knows she can take it on. All she wants is to crash into it head first.

It would be so easy to kiss Carina right now. Maya would barely even have to tilt her head up, they're already so close. Maya would only have to lean in a couple inches and she could taste Carina's lips. And if one thing led to another, well she could just blame the wine. Andrew won't be coming back tonight so he would never have to know. This could happen once, maybe two or three times before the night is over, and then it'll never have to happen again. Maya could finally get this out of her system. Andrew will be none the wiser and things will just go back to normal.

But Maya knows there's no going back from Carina. And she also knows she would never be able to keep it from Andrew. The guilt would eat her up until she confessed everything and then she would lose him. She knows it.

Maya forces herself to look down at the tattoo on her wrist, the one Carina is holding against her chest, and remembers the night she and Andrew got them. It was such a dumb idea, but they were smiling and laughing and Maya felt lighter that night than she had in a long time. She realized that night Andrew was one of the most important people she had in her life and she wanted him to be around forever.

She looks at that tattoo and reminds herself exactly why she can't do this.

Then, even though every single fiber of her being is urging her towards Carina, she forces her brain to override those impulses and takes a step back, pulling her hand away.

"I should…uhm, I’m going to clean up from dinner," is the excuse she gives.

Carina stands there dazed for a moment, like she had been so sure things were about to go in a very different direction and she needs a chance to catch back up to reality. When she does, she blinks a few times and then glances quickly from Maya to the bed and then back to Maya. Acceptance settles over her face and she knows nothing is happening tonight, even if her breathing is maybe still a little shallow from being so close to Maya only seconds ago.

"You uh…you don't have to do that," Carina says.

"Of course I do. You cooked, cleaning up is the least I can do."

Maya hurries out of the room before Carina can protest further. When she makes it to the kitchen she immediately gets to work putting leftovers in the fridge and cleaning all the dishes. Instead of loading them in the dishwasher like she normally would, she hand washes everything. She needs something, anything else to focus on instead of wondering if Carina is still in her bedroom waiting for her to return.

Eventually, she hears Carina walk down the stairs. She pokes her head in the kitchen to say a quick, “goodnight,” but she doesn’t make eye contact and she barely waits for Maya to respond before she continues down the hall to the bathroom. There’s the click of a door closing and then the shower starts running.

Once she knows she's safe, Maya takes the chance to breathe. She came so close to ruining everything just now. She wanted to. She wanted to so damn much she can't stand it.

Maya doesn't know what's wrong with her. Well, she does. She desperately wants Carina, but she doesn't know why it's so hard for her to just ignore it. She and Vic have both flirted with the same guys at bars before and she's had no trouble stepping back and letting Vic have her shot. She just found someone else.

She can't do that this time, though. Carina isn't just some random stranger at a bar she's looking to have a one night stand with. She's beautiful and intelligent and kind, and Maya thinks she might have actual feelings for her.

Fuck.

Maya hasn't had feelings like this for someone since the girl she crushed on in high school and this is so, so much more. She'd been able to shut down her feelings years ago because of her father's disapproval and she carried that mindset with her all her life, but she doesn't think anything can make her feelings for Carina go away.

She can't stop them and she can't ignore them, but she sure as hell has to make sure she doesn't act on them. She can handle that. She's spent years honing her craft in self discipline. Eyes forward. She can do this.

Right?

30 minutes later when she's sitting on the edge of her bed with her head in her hands, she hears Carina climb the stairs again to go to the office she's using as her room. Maya's impulse is to rush to the door and open it, stop Carina before she closes her door. But once she has her fingers wrapped around the doorknob, she stops herself even though every cell in her body tells her to just open the damn door.

Somehow, she manages to lock it instead. Then, she climbs onto her bed, not even bothering to get under the covers because she knows she won't be able to sleep tonight. She's in for a long night of lying awake, plagued by thoughts of how desperately she wants the girl across the hall.

Yeah, maybe she can't do this after all.

She closes her eyes and goes for a mental run, knowing she's about to visually run through every street in Seattle to try and escape this.

Chapter Text

"All I'm saying is, she's a babe and you should totally go for it," Vic tells her, pursing her lips as she applies lipstick.

The team is meeting up at Joe's Bar with Andrew and some of the other doctors, including Carina. Tonight's the night her whole team will be meeting the girl they've been teasing her about for two weeks and she needs to try and temper things to get ahead of this. She's hoping opening up a little now will lessen the effect of seeing her and Carina together later.

She and Andy met up at Vic's to get ready before they all Uber to the bar. They don't work tomorrow so they're planning on enjoying tonight.

Maya is sitting on the edge of the bathtub, having been ready to go for fifteen minutes now. Andy and Vic are crowded in front of the vanity, putting the finishing touches on their makeup and hair. Vic is convinced she's going to find her next fling tonight and Andy says she is too, but only Maya knows she's just saying that so no one catches on to the fact she's hooking up with Jack.

"You don't even know what she looks like," Maya dismisses.

"Yeah, but I've seen her brother and he's hot, so I'm assuming she is too. Plus Miller said she's hot enough to make you nervous and that's saying something," Vic says.

Maya groans and rolls her eyes. She still isn't convinced she won't inflict bodily harm on Dean the next time she sees him. He's the one who started all of this. If he would've just stayed quiet, none of this would be happening.

Of course, if she would've just been able to control herself around Carina instead of smiling like an idiot, then Dean wouldn't have anything to tease her about at all. But it's easier to just blame him and call it a day.

"She doesn't make me nervous," Maya says. She hears Andy take a breath like she's about to argue, but Maya cuts her off by rushing to add, "it wouldn't even matter if she did because nothing can happen between us."

She wasn't planning on telling them, but honestly she thinks saying it aloud will help immensely. Saying it to someone other than herself might just be what she needs to finally believe it.

Ever since that night last week when Carina made dinner and they had their moment in Maya's room, she's been actively avoiding Carina. She stays at the station a little longer after shifts, taking her time gathering up her bag so she knows Carina will be gone for the day by the time she gets home. On the days she can't avoid seeing her at home, she sticks to Andrew's side and asks him endless questions about the patients he has, anything to keep the conversation going and keep her distracted.

She doesn't know if Carina knows what she's doing. She isn't acting any differently, so maybe she doesn't. Maya doesn't want to hurt her feelings by ignoring her. But she knows not ignoring her means potentially hurting Andrew's feelings and she can't afford that.

Vic eyes her suspiciously in the mirror and Andy turns around completely, lowering the mascara brush from her eye.

"What are you talking about?" Andy asks.

"Yeah, why are you so sure nothing can happen?" Vic adds.

Maya only hesitates for a second before she gives in, knowing saying it aloud will make it real and maybe that will make things easier. Maybe.

"Because I promised Andrew on the day I agreed to let him move in that I would never hook up with his sister," Maya admits.

She never told them about Andrew's condition to become her roommate. She isn't sure why she didn't. It's something the three of them would've laughed at for days. Maybe it just seemed like such a hypothetical concept at the time she didn't really see it worth mentioning.

Oh, how naïve she was.

Andy and Vic share a confused look before they both look back to Maya, Vic turning away from the mirror this time.

"That's not a big deal. You're all adults, I'm sure he wouldn't really care," Andy says.

"Yeah and when has that ever stopped you before anyway? You hooked up with that guy, James, I went out with once," Vic adds.

"Okay first off, you know I had no idea who he was or I wouldn't have done that," Maya tells Vic. "And second, Andrew really would care. It's apparently a sore topic for him. She's slept with several of his friends or whatever. I can't do that to him."

"So don't tell him," Andy shrugs. "What he doesn't know can't hurt him."

"We all live in the same house," Maya says. "I can't really sneak around that well."

"If it's just a one time hook up, wait until he works a shift. Bang it out and then you're good to go," Vic says. "It's what I'd do. Like Andy said, you're all adults. No one needs to get upset over a one time thing."

"And if it isn't a one time thing?" Maya asks, regretting it the second the words leave her mouth.

That is definitely not a Maya Bishop question. She's the queen of one night stands. She's had a total of two actual relationships in her life and both lasted less than two months and ended up being more trouble than they were worth, so she swore off relationships. She doesn't date. She hooks up and then she moves on. It's easier that way. She doesn't get hurt and there are no distractions.

Maya doesn't date.

But oh, does she think she wants to.

Andy literally drops her jaw and Vic looks at her like she's an alien, eyes wide and eyebrows high.

"Oh my god, you want to date her," Andy gasps.

"You like her. You want her to be your girlfriend. Oh my god," Vic says, her voice nothing short of astonished. She steps forward and reaches a hand for Maya's forehead. "Are you feeling okay?"

Maya swats her hand away. "Stop it, I didn't say that." She knows that's exactly what she said, though. She just didn't mean to say it. She's been avoiding conversations just like this one so she didn't say anything dumb like that.

But maybe this is just what she needs. If they tease her about it enough, that might be exactly the pressure she needs to spur her on to be stubborn enough to never let anything happen with Carina.

"You totally did! Why else would it be anything but a one time thing? You haven't slept with the same person twice in years," Andy points out.

"Damn, this girl must be insanely hot to tempt Maya into monogamy," Vic laughs.

"It doesn't matter!" Maya snaps, probably a little too harshly. She doesn't want to be short with her friends and usually she'd roll with the teasing, but what they're joking about isn't something that's possible so their comments burn in a way they don't mean them to, even if she did encourage this.

"It doesn't matter," Maya repeats calmly. "He asked me not to hook up with her, so I'm not."

Andy sighs, lifting a foot to nudge at Maya's knee. "Andrew is pretty easy going, maybe if you just talked to him about it he wouldn't mind that much."

"No, he definitely would. It came up again after she came to town and he got upset just at a few flirty comments before I realized who she was," Maya says.

"That's lame. I can't believe you're getting cock blocked by DeLuca." Vic pauses and corrects herself, "I mean box blocked?"

Maya laughs, grateful for a little relief to the tension. "It's not a big deal. I kinda like her, but it doesn't matter. I gave him my word and I'm not going back on it."

"Poor Maya," Vic says, bottom lip jutting out as she pouts. She isn't teasing her, she's genuinely bummed Maya can't have someone she wants.

She's upset about it too, but she won't betray Andrew's trust. No matter how much she wants to. And oh, does she really want to.

"I'm basically your sister, so how about I sleep with Andrew and then Carina is fair game?" Andy says, pretending for Vic's sake like she isn't already taken.

"Oh! If we're volunteering to sleep with him can I get in line too?" Vic says, raising her hand. “Then it would really be okay for you to get with Carina if both of us have been with him.”

"Eww! No, not allowed," Maya tells them, shutting that down quickly. Just the idea of that has her cringing. She suddenly understands exactly why Andrew made her promise to stay away from Carina.

"Ugh, you're no fun," Vic groans. She turns back to the mirror to finish her makeup.

"Don't worry, Maya. We'll find you someone hot tonight and you can forget all about Carina," Andy says. She shoots Maya a wink and then turns back around as well so she can finish applying her mascara.

Maya doesn't tell them there's no one that could make her forget about Carina. That thought is too pitiful to voice, though, so she shuts it down as quickly as it came.

It's fine. This is better anyway. She doesn't need any distractions. Andy will become Lieutenant soon and then once Captain Herrera retires, Jack or Andy will fill his place, leaving a Lieutenant position open for Maya. She's on track to start moving up through the ranks soon and she doesn't need anything messing with that.

Andy is right, she just needs to find someone else. Maybe that will help her finally get over this thing with Carina.

She hopes.

Maya's jaw actually drops when she sees Carina walk into the bar.

She's wearing dark jeans so tight, Maya isn't sure how she got them up her legs and heels that somehow make her already long legs look even longer. She has on a white tank top that's so low cut Maya's throat goes dry when her eyes trace along the seam. Her lipstick is bright red and her hair is so perfectly tousled Maya dreams about running her fingers through it.

Carina's eyes scan over the small crowd before finding Maya at the bar with Vic and Andy. Their eyes meet and Carina smirks. She looks Maya up and down, appreciating her jeans and leather jacket over a crop top combo. When her eyes lock on Maya's again, they're darker than before, desire painfully clear.

How the hell is she supposed to stay away from her when she looks at her like that?

"Holy shit, is that her?" Andy asks, reaching across Vic and tugging on Maya's arm to try, and fail, to pull her attention away.

"Oh my god, she is hot," Vic says. "Like stupid hot. Like probably the most attractive human being I've ever seen hot. Like I think I might be having a little bit of a bi awakening right now hot. Oh my god."

Maya barely hears a word they say, too focused on Carina to really pay them any mind. Andrew is busy talking to a few of his doctor friends, so Maya doesn't feel bad at all for staring at Carina, especially not when she's staring back.

There's something heated about the way Carina is looking at her tonight, something that's never really been there before. She looks at Maya and bites her lip, eyes unmoving from Maya's. Carina obviously thinks something is going to finally happen between them tonight. She fully intends it to, Maya knows. Maya has half a mind to say, 'screw it,' and take Carina home right now. She doesn't really need a roommate anyway.

But then Andrew laughs loudly at something Jackson says and that cuts right through everything Maya was thinking. She manages to tear her eyes away from Carina for a split second and the moment she sees Andrew beside his sister, guilt comes flooding in just for thinking those things. She's too good of a friend to let herself get carried away like that.

She can't allow it, she won't.

"Yeah that's her," Maya finally says. She spins on her barstool a little so she's no longer facing Carina. It's safer that way. "Don't be weird about it." She grabs her gin and tonic from the bar and takes a long pull, flagging the bartender down for another before she's even finished swallowing.

"Says the one who was just eye fucking her a second ago," Vic teases. "All I'm saying is, forget whatever Andrew made you promise him. She's worth breaking your word."

"Seriously," Andy hums, looking back at Carina again. "I'm considering promising him I won't sleep with her just so I can. The forbidden desire aspect makes it so much hotter. You have to go there."

Maya wants to point out Andy is already well versed in forbidden desires from her arrangement with Jack, but she won't because of Vic.

"You're both terrible influences and give shit advice," Maya says instead. She finishes her first drink just in time for the second to be placed in front of her. "It can't happen. It won't happen. Just drop it."

"Well if you won't sleep with her, then can I?" Vic asks.

Maya doesn't get to respond because suddenly she feels a warm hand pressed against her lower back, pinkie trailing over the skin left uncovered by her shirt and jacket. She knows exactly who that hand belongs to by the electricity that flows immediately through her body. Her breath hitches and she tries to hide it by sniffling her nose.

"Hi, Maya," Carina says, voice soft and happy in a way she's only ever heard when she's talking to Maya.

Maya takes a steadying breath and then turns to look at Carina, who doesn't let her hand move away from Maya's back. "Carina, hey," she says, hoping she sounds way calmer than she feels. Her skin is buzzing from being this close to Carina and she isn't sure if it will ever stop.

"Will you introduce me to your friends?" She asks, an excited smile on her face.

"Oh yeah, of course," Maya shakes her head for not already doing that. "Carina, this is Vic, and this is Andy. Vic and Andy, this is Carina."

Carina finally pulls her hand away from Maya's back so she can shake hands with both girls. "It's very nice to meet you. I have heard many good things." As soon as she drops Andy's hand, Carina's hand finds its way right back to Maya like a magnet. Her fingers dip a little lower this time, touching more skin.

"Same," Vic says. She looks a little starstruck and a lot embarrassed that Carina may have overheard what she said about her right before Carina walked up. She's trying to play it cool, but she's failing.

"It's really great to meet you too," Andy says, holding herself together much better. "Maya won't stop telling us great things about you."

Maya shoots her a chastising look. She knows exactly what she's trying to do, let Carina know how interested in her Maya is. But Maya knows she doesn't need any help proving that. They're both fully aware how much they want one another. Andy means well, but she wishes she wouldn't try to help.

"Oh really?" Carina asks, cheeks stretched wide with a smile. "You will have to tell me these great things sometime." She looks back at Maya and presses her fingers more firmly against Maya's skin. "Buy me a drink?"

Maya flags the bartender down immediately. "White wine please," she tells him without even asking Carina what she wants. She doesn't need to. "Next round is on you," she says to Carina.

"You can count on it," Carina promises, words low and slow.

Out of the corner of her eye, Maya sees Andy pretend to fan herself off, but she ignores it.

They spend a few minutes getting to know each other. Carina takes a particular interest in Vic when she learns she was a musical theater major in college. Carina tells her if she hadn't become a doctor, she wanted to be a dancer. Carina gets a kick out of learning Andrew and Andy are both named Andrea. She says she likes Andy even more now. Maya spends most of the time focusing on the way Carina's mouth moves as it forms the words she speaks. She gets a little dazed honestly, but Vic makes sure to kick her lightly before she can get too far gone.

"I am going to say hi to April and Arizona, but I will be back," Carina says eventually. "You will introduce me to the rest of your friends later, yes?"

Maya ignores the way her back stiffens when Carina mentions Arizona. She doesn’t like the way Carina says her name. She swallows down that feeling. "Of course I will," she promises with a tight smile.

Carina eyes her suspiciously for a moment, but then she smiles back and excuses herself.

Maya's eyes follow her as she heads towards a booth near the back where April and Arizona are seated. The way Arizona's face lights up when she sees Carina burns through Maya's chest, although she still isn't sure why. Carina slides into the booth next to Arizona, sitting a little closer together than Maya likes.

She shouldn't care.

She really shouldn't.

But she does.

Once Carina's safely out of earshot, Vic grabs Maya's knee and pulls her attention back to her friends. "I completely reiterate my previous question: if you won't sleep with her, then dear god, please can I?"

"Shut up," Maya grumbles, suddenly not amused by the teasing. “You don’t even like girls.”

“No, but I like her.”

Andy leans around Vic and asks Maya, "what's going on with you?" She's her best friend and it doesn’t take much for her to know Maya's upset.

"Nothing," Maya lies, trying to shake it off. She hopes saying it aloud will make it true.

Andy looks over her shoulder and when she sees Carina next to Arizona, realization dawns on her, but she doesn't say anything about it. "Okay," she accepts, letting it go at that.

"She's seriously amazing," Vic says, oblivious to it all. "So nice and that accent, my god. It's actually so rude of DeLucs to keep her away from you. It's a disservice to society, really."

Maya makes herself laugh at the joke, hoping it's convincing.

Andy changes the subject quickly to save Maya, complaining about something Jack did during weight training last night. Vic groans immediately, having been annoyed by the same thing.

Maya is glad the attention is being moved off of her. She sends Andy an appreciative smile and tries to pay attention to her friends talking instead.

She only manages to focus for about 30 seconds before she's glancing over her shoulder to Carina. Her heart skips a beat when she finds Carina's eyes already on her. Carina shoots her a wink and Maya wonders if it's even legal to look so sexy.

Maya turns back around and downs half of her drink.

This is going to be a long night.

"So I might be a little drunk," Andrew says when she slides up next to Maya at the bar. He presses against her shoulder and taps his forehead against the side of her head before taking a half step back.

Maya laughs and turns towards Andrew. Vic has started flirting with some guy down the bar and Andy is playing wingwoman, so Maya is grateful for the distraction Andrew provides.

She looks at his unsteady stance and dilated pupils and knows he's just on the other side of tipsy. It's still early in the night, but then again he's more of a lightweight than he cares to admit. Maya has definitely seen him way more drunk than this, though. He has a dopey smile on his face, but he isn't needing to lean against the bar for balance yet. Even still, Maya flags down the bartender to get Andrew a water. That will help with his headache tomorrow.

"You've been working really hard lately. You deserve a fun night out," Maya tells him.

"Well I'm definitely having it," Andrew says. "Are you?"

There are a few other adjectives to describe the night that come to mind first, but Maya is ignoring all of those. Instead she says, "yeah, I'm having fun too."

"Good, you deserve it too," he says matter of factly. He reaches for the water Maya got for him and takes a long sip. "So what do you think of Carina and Arizona?" He asks, nodding back to where Maya knows both women in question are seated.

Maya nearly chokes on her breath. She's grateful Andrew is tipsy enough to not notice. She resists the urge to look over her shoulder yet again at Carina and Arizona sitting just a little too close.

"Excuse me?" She asks, pretending she doesn't know exactly what he just asked her. She's going to need more of an explanation before deciding what her answer will be.

"What do you think of Carina and Arizona?" He asks again, offering nothing else.

Maya is really going to have to work for this one, isn't she?

"What do you mean? Like as people or…?"

"No, like as a couple," Andrew clarifies. "They'd be good together, right?"

Maya's breath hitches and she isn't able to stop herself looking over her shoulder this time. When she does, she finds Carina is already looking at her, lip biting smirk on full display. It's like she's freaking psychic or something and knows when Maya is about to look at her before Maya knows it herself.

After a second of eye contact, Maya manages to tear her gaze away and focus back on Andrew, though the last thing she wants to do is face his question.

Instead of answering, she deflects with a joke. "Was not dating Carina not a condition for being Arizona's roommate?"

Andrew laughs and says, "no, Arizona is basically like my boss. I didn't think I was allowed to make any conditions."

"You still consider her a friend right?" Maya asks, realizing she's actually a little annoyed at Andrew trying to set them up and not just because she's attracted to Carina.

Why is he encouraging this with Arizona, who's also his friend, when he so clearly asked Maya to stay away? Maybe he's getting over that? Maybe Maya could bring up wanting to try something with Carina?

She shakes those thoughts away immediately. She's only fooling herself with that.

"I mean yeah, but we're nowhere near as close as we were when we lived together. And besides, when I made the friend rule with Carina, I was mostly referring to my med school friends and colleagues. We were all in our 20s and still partying too much and being all around dumbasses. Arizona is older and way more mature. She owns a house, has a kid, and really excels at her specialty. She's way more settled and I think that could be good for Carina."

Maya tries her best not to be offended by that. She knows Andrew isn't personally targeting Maya when he says that, but it still stings a little. He's not entirely wrong, of course. Maya definitely doesn't have a kid. She's Andrew's age, so apparently too young by his standards. She thinks she's settled, but not really tied down to anything, she figures. The only box she does tick is excelling at her specialty.

Andrew is basically saying she isn't good enough for Carina. Not that it matters, because she can't be with her anyway, but it still hurts. She knows Andrew is oblivious to the fact she's interested in Carina in any way so he has no idea how pointed his words feel to Maya. He would probably feel bad if he knew, but there's no way she's going to tell him. She'll force a smile and pretend everything's fine.

All of a sudden, she really just wants to go home.

"Carina isn't here that much longer, though. It's probably not a good idea to start something that has a close end in sight, right?" She doesn't know if she's saying that more to convince Andrew or herself.

"Yeah, but maybe it would give her a reason to stick around?" He suggests, his voice hopeful. "I don't know, it's been really nice having her here. We bicker, sure, but it's also brought up all these memories of how close we were as kids. I've been shutting so much of that out all my life because it was painful once we were split up, but now that we're older and she's here…I don't know. I just think I'd like her to stay if she's willing."

It's a sobering moment for both of them.

Maya is suddenly struck by how Andrew sounds like a scared little boy, devastated his family is being torn apart and missing his big sister. She thinks she's finally seeing Andrew for the first time the way Carina sees him all the time. She understands why Carina is always checking up on him. All she's ever wanted to do is protect him from everything, even their parents.

Andrew looks almost embarrassed. He clearly hadn't meant to get so emotional on what's supposed to be his fun night out. Maya has always lovingly teased him for being a sappy, emotional drunk, but he always denies it. He might be starting to accept it at this moment.

Before Maya can open her mouth to say anything, comfort him in some way, he shakes his head and takes a half step back. His broken, vulnerable expression quickly replaced by his tipsy, dopey smile and wide, bright eyes.

"Anyway, I told her to go for it with Arizona, so we'll see," he says.

Maya feels like she just swallowed a cinder block, feels it drop through her chest and settle heavily in her stomach. She doesn't think she's ever felt anything quite like this before, doesn't even know how to name it, but she knows she doesn't like it.

"You did what?" Maya asks, forcing a laugh so maybe he won't tell she's upset as she is.

"I told Carina to take a shot with Arizona," he repeats. "She probably won't do it just because I suggested it, but who knows."

Again, before Maya is able to say anything in reply, someone shouts Andrew's name across the bar. Honestly Maya is grateful for the interruption because she has no idea what she would've said, has even less of an idea of how she could've said anything without giving herself away completely.

Andrew looks over his shoulder and sees Jackson Avery waving him over to the darts board.

"All right, I have to go kick Avery's ass," Andrew tells her when he turns back around. "I'll come find you later, okay?"

"Yeah of course, go have fun," Maya says. "And be careful with the sharp objects!" She warns as he's walking away.

He laughs and promises he will, then slips away in the crowd.

Maya knows she shouldn't, especially given the new information she has from Andrew, but she again looks back to where Carina is sitting with Arizona. Carina is, of course, looking at Maya already. She smiles at Maya, not the lip biting, sensual one from all the times before, though. No, this one is soft and genuine. Even from across the bar, Maya can tell Carina's eyes are bright and shimmering, just like Andrew's were a few moments ago.

She isn't sure why Carina's expression has changed so much. Instead of being the same charged and teasing one she's seen all night, this one is endearing, almost…appreciative? Maybe it's because she saw Maya and Andrew talking, she's already told Maya how much she loves their friendship. Honestly, Maya doesn't have the emotional bandwidth to actually try and unpack that right now.

Maya lets her eyes drift from Carina over to Arizona beside her. They're seated close, but Maya notices there's a couple of inches of space between the two of them. Maybe that's a good sign Carina isn't interested in her? Carina also keeps looking over at Maya, so whatever they're talking about with April and Amelia Shepherd must not be engaging enough for Carina to give it her full attention. Maybe there isn't actually anything going on between Carina and Arizona. Maybe Andrew was just wishful thinking.

But then, Maya sees Arizona's hand land on Carina's knee as Arizona tries to get her attention and Maya's skin feels as if it's burning.

Maya can't stand to see how long that hand stays in place. She forces herself to turn back around and rejoin Vic and Andy's conversation. Vic is still flirting with that guy, Trevor she thinks his name was? It isn't her good flirting though, Maya can tell that within the first sentence. She must not be as interested as she was earlier, but is still having fun.

Maya feels the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end and she knows Carina is looking at her again. She wills herself not to turn back around, though. She needs to stop whatever game they have going on. And besides, she can't bear to see where Arizona's hand might be this time.

She takes the still half full glass of water she ordered for Andrew and downs the rest of it, hoping it'll wash down the taste of bile in the back of her throat. She tries to join in on her friends' conversation as best she can, but she's really just trying to decide how much longer she'll have to stay here before it's reasonable to go home. Maya is suddenly over this night and would really rather just crawl into her bed and curl up with Whiskers.

But she can't. This is their fun night. She's supposed to be having fun.

Like a flip of a switch, she shuts down all those feelings and shoves them away to the back of her mind. She orders another drink and fully re-engages with Andy and Vic.

She isn't going to let whatever unnamed emotions she's feeling ruin her night.

Afterwhile, once Maya has finished another drink and managed to get her thoughts and emotions under control, Carina rejoins Maya. As promised, Maya introduces her to the rest of the team.

Travis is, of course, instantly obsessed with her just like he is with Andrew. He has her laughing and smiling in no time and it makes Maya's face light up as she watches them get along so well. Jack is his usual charming self. He tries to learn more about Carina by asking about her research, which makes Dean so incredibly uncomfortable once she starts explaining that he swiftly walks away from the table pretending he needs a new drink while not even trying to hide his still mostly full beer.

Jo and Stephanie finally show up after their shift end and they immediately drag Vic and Andy to the tiny makeshift dance floor. Maya tries to reject their coaxing to join, but then Carina takes her hand and pulls her along.

The six of them dance closely in the limited space, bumping into each other and laughing all the while. They're all pressed together so tightly it's hard to really distinguish whose shoulder or hip or elbow is touching her at any given moment. But there's no mistaking when Carina's hand finds her hip. Her fingers press firmly as she pulls Maya a little closer to her, their hips moving in sync with the heavy rhythm of the song pumping through the speakers. She holds Maya so close their knees knock together before Carina adjusts so one of her legs is between Maya's.

The room feels too hot in an instant. The back of her neck feels clammy and she's suddenly regretting wearing a leather jacket tonight. She's close enough to smell the wine on Carina's lips and she catches herself wondering what it tastes like. She has half a mind to order herself a glass just so she can pretend the taste on her tongue is from Carina's mouth.

She can't be thinking like this, but the steady hand on her hip and three drinks coursing through her bloodstream make her forget that for the moment. She leans against Carina's hand, stomach dropping when Carina squeezes her hip before sliding her hand around to her back, underneath both her jacket and shirt. Carina's hand is smooth against her skin, but firm as it presses her closer.

Maya turns her head around, looking for Andrew to make sure he isn't watching them. She finds him still caught up in a game of darts with Jackson and now Dean, paying the girls zero mind at all. She isn't sure if she's disappointed or relieved to know he isn't seeing this. If he did, she'd have no trouble stepping back from Carina, which is simultaneously what she does and doesn't want to do. She can't be wanting Carina like this, but it's becoming harder to deny.

She looks up at Carina and her eyes are so dark with want, pupils dilated from the alcohol, that Maya's breath hitches. She wants her back just as much. Maya doesn't know what to do with that information.

Carina's eyes move down to Maya's lips and linger there for a moment before meeting her eyes again. She bites her lip and Maya's hands twitch as they start to reach for Carina to pull her in before she reminds herself she can't. The way Carina is looking at her begs Maya to kiss her right now. She knows it's exactly what Carina wants. It's what Maya wants too.

All she can focus on is Carina's hand on her skin, eyes on her face and bottom lip half caught between her teeth. Everything else fades away. The music playing, her friends surrounding her, all the light in the room--it all disappears and all that's left is her and Carina, pressed close and aching for more.

Carina starts to tilt her head down, deciding to make the move all on her own and that's what snaps Maya out of her daze. Something about her being so close and her intention being so clear on her face suddenly makes this all too real. The promise Maya made rings loudly in the back of her brain.

She pulls back until Carina's hand is no longer touching her and she can actually take in a breath that isn't Carina's perfume mixed with her wine. Confusion flashes across Carina's face as she watches Maya take another step backwards.

Before Carina can ask what's going on, Maya says, "I'm going to get another drink," and turns to head towards the bar.

More alcohol is the last thing she needs right now, but she needed an acceptable excuse for essentially fleeing the scene. She hears Carina's heels clicking after her and she sighs, worried about the continued temptation.

"It's my turn to buy you a drink," Carina says as she leans against the bar beside Maya and waves for the bartender.

Maya just forces a smile in response and listens to Carina order their drinks. Maya counts her own breaths, in and out, in and out, letting it steady her. She keeps her eyes forward. Always forward. She's still paying hardly any mind to Carina even though she's right next to her. Carina doesn't say anything while they wait for their drinks, sensing something is up with Maya. But she does watch her closely, even if Maya is avoiding her eyes.

Once their drinks are set in front of them, Maya takes a large gulp from hers and Carina laughs softly.

"Maya," she says gently. She waits a moment for Maya to look at her and when she doesn't, she nudges Maya's leg with her knee. "Maya, look at me," she tells her.

Maya swallows hard and then finally turns to look at Carina. "What's up?" She asks, pretending to be nonchalant.

"Why have you been ignoring me all week?"

"What?" Maya scoffs. So apparently she has noticed Maya ignoring her. She must not have been doing as good of a job as she thought she was. "I'm not ignoring you," she insists even though that's a blatant lie.

Carina just laughs quietly again, rolls her eyes. She clearly isn't buying it, but she won't protest. "Okay," she says softly.

Maya thinks that's the end of it, but then Carina leans in close.

With her lips brushing Maya's ear, she whispers, "when are you finally going to let me kiss you?"

Maya feels those words in every inch of her body. They ring around her head, flutter through her chest, drop hard in her stomach, curl up her toes. She could turn her head right now, have her lips against Carina's in barely a second. She could have everything she's wanted for the past few weeks.

But she doesn't. She works up every ounce of strength and self control she has and tilts her head away from where Carina's lips are still touching her ear. "We can't," she says.

Carina sighs loudly and lets her forehead softly bump with the side of Maya's head before she pulls away. She looks disappointed and confused and maybe even a little upset, which Maya hates. She doesn't want to hurt her.

"And why is that?" Carina asks slowly, sounding almost exasperated.

Maya doesn't want to pin all this on Andrew. Sure, he's the one who asked her to stay away, but she's the one who promised and is choosing to uphold that promise. Andrew can't actually control who she does and doesn't sleep with, he just made a request that it not be his sister. He can't actually keep her from doing it. She's making the choice not to. She can't blame him for it.

"Because I just can't," Maya says, hoping she can leave it at that.

Carina isn't buying it, though. She scoffs and crosses her arms. "You know Maya, if you don't want to kiss me, you can just say it. I'm a grown woman. I can handle rejection, but what I won't handle is you lying to me."

Maya groans in frustration, turning to fully face Carina and blurting out, "of course I want to kiss you. It's all I've been thinking about every day since you got to town."

She would be embarrassed for saying that, but the smirk Carina gives her in response makes it worth it. Carina takes a half step closer and Maya lets her, she doesn't back away. She allows herself the small indulgence of sharing the same space with Carina because she knows it's all she'll ever get.

"Then what is the problem?" Carina asks, tilting her head down so she can look at Maya better.

Maya sighs, knowing this probably isn't going to go well, but she can't lie to her. "I promised Andrew I wouldn't sleep with you," she admits.

Carina's eyes go wide before they start burning with anger. "Are you serious? He made you promise that? He is a child, I swear." She starts grumbling something in Italian and then adds, "he doesn't get to control my life."

She starts to walk off towards him, about to give him a piece of her mind, but Maya reaches out and grabs her hand before she gets more than a few steps away. She coaxes her back with a gentle tug and keeps hold of her hand just in case she tries to make a run for it again. It's totally not just because she loves how soft and strong Carina's hand is in hers. Definitely not.

"It isn't about him, okay? Obviously he can't actually stop us from hooking up. He just likes to keep boundaries and I get it. I wouldn't want Andy or Vic sleeping with my brother either," Maya explains. "I know it sucks, but he's really important to me and I can't lose him because of this. This is something he asked me not to do the day we agreed to be roommates, long before I even met you, okay?"

Carina's eyes bounce from Maya's eyes to her lips four times before she scrunches her face up in reluctant acceptance. "Fine," she agrees, spitting the word out with a frustrated laugh like it's the last one she wants to say. But then her face softens and she turns Maya's hand over in hers, letting the fingers of her other hand dance across her palm. "You are a good friend," she says, "a loyal friend. I'm very glad Andrea has someone like you in his life, he needs solid people." She pauses and then adds, "but I also kind of wish you were a bad friend so I can have you in all the ways I've been imagining."

Maya groans, "that's so not fair."

Carina just laughs gently, her fingers continuing to trace along Maya's hand. "Neither is keeping me from having my way with you. I guess we're both unhappy."

Maya reluctantly pulls her hand away from Carina's. "You definitely can't say things like that," she laughs.

"Why not?" Carina smirks, leaning in a little. "Am I tempting you to break the rules?" Her words are spoken low and slow. She knows exactly what she's doing.

Maya laughs it off, knowing she needs to pretend she's above it in order to truly convince herself she is. "That smirk should be illegal," she points right at Carina.

Carina bites her lip and Maya thinks she dies a little inside.

"Well at least now the mixing signals make sense," Carina says.

"Mixed signals," Maya corrects.

She realizes how confusing this all must have been for Carina until now. Maya has been playing this so hot and cold to try and avoid telling Carina about this. She feels bad that she's been misleading her.

"Oh whatever, close enough," Carina laughs.

Maya reaches for her drink and takes a long sip, needing a moment to pause. "So we're friends," she says after she swallows.

"Yes," Carina nods. "Of course."

"We're just friends."

Carina sighs and nods again. She chews on her lip and she so clearly wants to say no, but instead she says, "unfortunately, that answer is also yes."

"Okay," she sighs, accepting. "Now let's go join the rest of the girls again."

Maya takes her drink from the bar and heads back towards the other girls on the dance floor. Carina stays back for a moment, watching Maya dance with Andy and Stephanie. Maya feels her eyes on her, but the gaze doesn't feel as heavy this time. It's like Carina is enjoying what she's seeing, but has stopped trying to do anything about it, which almost makes Maya a little disappointed.

She tells herself this is a good thing. She tells herself this is the right thing.

Maybe if she keeps repeating that, eventually she'll believe it.

Chapter Text

"One of these days, you have to let me drive," Andrew says as he helps Maya close the door on the back of the aid car.

They're in the ambulance bay outside Seattle Presbyterian and they've just finished dropping off a patient with a broken leg after a pickup soccer game went wrong.

Andrew had the day off so he decided to join Maya and Andy in the aid car. Carina tried to get him to stay home and rest after a few tough shifts at the hospital, but Andrew wasn't interested in that. Maya didn't want to take sides, but she trusted Andrew when he said he was up for it. Still, she waited until Andrew was in his room this morning and then promised Carina that she would look out for him, which let Carina finally release some of the tension from her shoulders as she gave Maya a grateful smile.

It's been a pretty easy shift today. Aside from this call, they've only had two others. The first was a small car fire that required one of the rigs as well, but it was quickly extinguished and the driver only sustained minor burns. The other was a suspected heart attack that Maya was pretty sure was actually just bad indigestion, which Andrew confirmed with Maggie Pierce via text after they'd dropped the patient off at Grey Sloan.

Maya sent Carina a text shortly before their third call letting her know everything was going well today and Andrew was in good spirits. Carina just replied with a kissing emoji, which had Maya quickly hiding her phone in her pocket to keep Andrew from seeing it.

"If I let you drive, then I'd get suspended. So no." Maya has to tell him this every single time he joins her, but he still tries to convince her.

"One day," he insists.

"Yeah, whatever," she laughs and rolls her eyes. "Andy is letting you sit shotgun, that's the best we can do."

They each circle around to the front of the aid car and get back in their seats. Maya has just started the engine when Andrew's phone starts vibrating on the dashboard as a series of messages come in.

"Damn, someone is a wanted man," Andy jokes from the back as she finishes cleaning things up.

"Is that your secret girlfriend you refuse to tell me about?" Maya teases.

Andrew shoots daggers at Maya with his eyes as Andy gasps in the back.

"Secret girlfriend? Please tell me more."

"There is no secret girlfriend," Andrew huffs. He glares at Maya again as he reaches for his phone. He tries to keep pouting, but isn't able to fight off the slight smile that crosses his lips as he reads the messages.

"Look at that smile! You totally have a secret girlfriend!" Maya cackles and shoves at Andrew's shoulder.

"What's she saying that has you grinning like that?" Andy tries to peek over his shoulder and read the messages, but he clicks his phone off and tucks it away.

"She isn't my girlfriend," Andrew says.

"So you admit it's a girl that has you smiling like that?" Maya pushes.

She can tell when Andrew has had enough. His eyebrows become permanently furrowed and his voice raises in pitch the more frustrated he gets. She'll make sure she never crosses that line because she doesn't want to truly upset him. That won't stop her from some lighthearted teasing, though.

"I will admit that I am texting a girl who is a friend and that's it. We're friends, nothing more. Just friends."

"Oh, are you guys friends? I don't think you were clear," Andy says, barely biting back a smirk.

"Yup, just friends," Andrew says, barely registering her sarcasm and trying to stay nonchalant. "Hey, we should probably get back to the station. Never know when another call might come in and Travis is probably almost done with dinner. I'd hate to miss that."

It's a less than subtle way of changing the subject to something not involving his allegedly nonexistent secret love life, but Maya decides to go easy on him and lets it go. There’s plenty of time for teasing later.

“You’re right. And he’s making his famous mac & cheese, so we have to make sure we’re there in time or it will all be gone,” Maya says, shifting into drive and pulling out of the ambulance bay.

“It’s insane how good it is. He gave me the recipe and I’ve made it the exact same way he does, and yet it’s nowhere near as good as it is when he makes it. I don’t understand,” Andrew laments.

“I’m convinced there’s a secret ingredient he doesn’t want us knowing about,” Andy adds. “If we were able to make it as good as he does, then we wouldn’t need him to make it for us anymore. He won’t tell us the secret because he likes feeling needed.”

Andrew shakes his head and looks over his shoulder at Andy. “No, I accused him of that one time after watching him step by step and he said the only secret ingredient is his love.”

They all laugh at that, knowing only Travis would ever say such a thing.

They spend the rest of the drive back to the station in silence. Once Andy is distracted on her phone in the back, likely texting inappropriate things to Jack, Andrew tries to discreetly pull his phone back out of his pocket. Maya sees him do it out of the corner of her eye, but she isn’t going to say anything about it. She keeps looking forward and pretends she doesn’t notice.

Andrew’s face lights up with a grin as he reads the messages again. This time, because he thinks he isn’t being watched, he makes no efforts to temper his delight at whatever those messages say. Sure, it’s driving her crazy not knowing who he’s talking to, but honestly as long as they keep making him smile like that then she’s okay not knowing. She just wants him to be happy.

And if it annoys her a little bit seeing him get to flirt and have fun with whatever he has going on while she has to keep Carina at a distance, she ignores it. Because in her case, they really are just friends and there’s no potential for anything else (unfortunately). At least with Andrew, she assumes there’s a chance for more. He deserves that.

When they get back to the station, they all rush out of the aid car and head up the stairs, eager for the delicious, cheesy goodness that awaits them. They’re just about to round the corner into the beanery when Maya hears an all too familiar laugh that lights her insides up.

Carina.

Andrew recognizes the laugh too and he hurries around the corner, a quizzical look on his face. Sure enough, Carina is there by the stove, laughing with Jack at something Travis just said. She has a hand reaching over squeezing Jack’s forearm as she laughs and Maya feels something uncomfortable bubble up in the pit of her stomach, something she doesn’t recognize.

“Carina?” Andrew asks as they get closer. “What are you doing here?”

She’s still laughing as she looks over and notices them there. Her eyes immediately go to Maya and she smiles. She gives Maya a once over, enjoying the way she looks in her uniform the same way she always does when she sees her wearing it. Maya has half a mind to never take it off so Carina never stops looking at her the way she is right now. But that wouldn’t be a thing friends do, so she decides against it.

“I got off work a little early, so I wanted to stop by and see how your day was,” she explains.

“So you’re checking up on me? I told you I was fine,” Andrew huffs in exasperation.

Annoyance flickers through Carina’s eyes, but she keeps it in check. She’s about to defend herself when Travis speaks up first.

“What she really means is I texted her to let her know I was cooking my world famous mac & cheese and she just had to stop by to try it for herself. No one can resist it,” he says smugly.

“Oh it’s world famous, is it?” Carina asks with a teasing glint in her voice.

“You guys text?” Maya asks at the same time.

Carina’s eyes find her again and something akin to confusion washes over her face, but she’s quickly distracted by Travis.

“Yes, it is world famous. Just ask anyone who’s had it, they’ll all agree with you. DeLucs, it’s world famous right?” Travis asks, pointing his serving spoon at Andrew.

“Oh hell yeah, world renowned,” he answers without hesitation.

Andrew and Travis are so obsessed with each other, Maya doesn’t think it would matter what Travis asked him to confirm, he’d do it in a heartbeat. Andrew takes a few steps closer to Travis and confirms this by doing their secret handshake, which is little more than a high five and fist bump, but it always makes them grin.

“That’s my guy, I knew you’d have my back,” Travis gloats. “And yes Maya, we text because she’s the only one around here who can keep up with my culinary skills, so we had to exchange recipes,” he explains.

“I think my skills are way better than yours,” Carina corrects him.

The small joke makes Jack laugh way more than warranted. Something about it doesn’t sit right with Maya. She doesn’t like the way he smiles at her as he says, “I think you’re right about that.” She definitely doesn’t like the way his eyes don’t even leave her as he tells Travis, “you’re good Montgomery, but Carina has you beat.”

Maya knows Jack has never even had anything to eat that Carina has made, so he can’t possibly know that. He’s right, of course, but he can’t prove that for himself. He’s just trying to compliment Carina and tease Travis. She's always on board for teasing Travis, but it’s the complimenting Carina part that rubs Maya the wrong way.

Maya looks over at Andy to see if she’s bothered by the interaction like she is, but she’s already seated at the dining table next to Vic, focused on whatever card game Vic is playing, and evidently winning based on her cheers, against Dean. She isn’t even aware of what Jack’s doing and she probably wouldn’t care if she did. There’s nothing to be bothered by, Maya is just being ridiculous. She’s sure she is.

“Don’t worry, Travis. I can train you. I will have you cooking like a pro in no time,” Carina says.

“The whole station will thank you for that,” Jack tells Carina in a fake stage whisper.

“Whoa, I am by far the best chef we have. If anyone needs help here, it’s you, Jack,” Travis says in self defense. “Maya, tell him!” He turns to her with pleading eyes.

It catches Maya off guard. She’s been watching the entire interaction from a safe distance, trying to gauge how she feels about it and why her chest suddenly feels tight. She isn’t aware of what exactly she’s being asked, but if agreeing with Travis means disagreeing with Jack, then she thinks that’s a safe bet.

“You’re right, Travis,” is the best she can offer up, but it’s enough.

Travis exclaims, “ha! I told you,” and pumps his fist. “Jack, you can make your own meals from now on. I’m not cooking for you.”

Andy laughs from the table, apparently paying more attention to the conversation than she made it seem. “Travis, if you do that then he’ll starve.”

“Hey! I am not that bad,” Jack complains. “I’ll just ask Carina for cooking lessons, then I won’t even need you, Travis.” He turns to Carina with a hopeful grin on his face, “you’ll help me, right?”

Carina shakes her head at how silly they’re both being, but she goes along with it. “How about I teach you both, then you can cook together?”

“That’s a great idea,” Jack says a little too enthusiastically for Maya’s taste. He turns to Travis and extends a hand as truce. “What do you say, Trav? Want to be my sous chef?”

“If anyone is the sous chef in this situation, it’s definitely you. But sure.” Travis shakes his hand and then announces loudly to the rest of the group, “dinner is ready! Wash up, you heathens. And someone go wake up grandpa Ben from his nap.”

“I’ll get him,” Maya raises her hand quickly, wanting a chance to catch her breath. She never thought she’d want to leave a room Carina is also in, but suddenly her shirt collar feels too tight. She walks away before anyone can say anything, unfastening one of the buttons on her collar as she heads towards Ben's bunk.

Dinner tonight is probably one of the liveliest Station 19 has ever seen. So lively, Captain Herrera ends up taking his dinner down to his office. He insists they’re all being too loud for him to think, but the slight smile he has on his face as he leaves tells everyone he loves how well they all get along.

Vic and Dean have an impromptu performance at one point, singing some Broadway song Maya has never heard before that has everyone whooping and clapping at the end.

Andrew and Travis tell a story about the last time they went out drinking after a Seattle Storm game and some bachelorette party mistook them for a couple and insisted they tag along for the rest of their night. The story has everyone laughing so hard their stomachs hurt. Maya is pretty sure some of it is made up and the rest of it is exaggerated, but everyone enjoys it so she lets them have their fun.

Then Carina shares a story about the time she delivered quintuplets that has everyone hanging on her every word, not just because it’s a wild case, but because everyone is so entranced by her that anything she says requires full attention. Jack asks so many questions, almost like he just wants to keep her talking so he can keep staring wide eyed and practically drooling.

Everyone is having a great time, with the exception of Maya.

She’s trying, she really is. She forces herself to laugh and gasp whenever it is appropriate and she shoves Andrew’s shoulder from where she’s seated next to him whenever it’s warranted, but she just can’t quite get into it.

Carina is across from her, but she’s next to Jack so looking up means seeing how he can’t stop smiling at her and Maya can’t stand it. She keeps glancing at Andy on her other side to see if she’s bothered by it too, but she’s barely paying them any mind so either she’s proving Maya right that Jack is nothing but a fuck buddy for her, or there truly isn’t anything for her to be bothered by and Maya is just being ridiculous.

Maya wants it to be the latter even if that means she's dramatic, but her inner pessimist is trying to convince her it’s the former and Jack really is shamelessly flirting with Carina.

She stays at the table long enough that it isn’t weird for her to leave. When she rises from the bench and makes some excuse about going to do inventory in the aid car, which is such a Maya thing to say, no one even bats an eye. Well, except for Carina. She shoots her another confused look, but doesn’t say anything as Maya leaves.

However, Maya is only down at the aid car for a minute or two before she hears heels clicking their way across the cement floor and she knows Carina is coming to find her. Maya focuses on the box of gauze in her hand, trying to keep track of the quantity even though she keeps losing count as she tries to ignore Carina’s presence until she clears her throat.

Maya looks up as if she hadn’t known Carina was there, “oh, hey,” she says before turning her attention back on the gauze.

“Hi,” Carina hums. She waits for a moment like she’s expecting Maya to stop what she’s doing, but once she realizes that isn’t going to happen, she laughs quietly to herself and steps up into the aid car. She sits on one of the benches and leans back against the wall.

Maya can feel her eyes on her as she waits patiently for Maya to say something. Maya doesn’t know what to say, though. If she says something, she can’t promise it won’t be some baseless accusation about Jack and that would be ridiculous, so she keeps her mouth shut. She just keeps trying, and failing, to count the same box of gauze until it’s clear she’s faking and then she moves on to the box of ibuprofen, but she can’t keep track of that either.

Eventually, Carina laughs softly to herself again and Maya doesn’t even need to see her to know she’s shaking her head.

“Maya,” she says firmly, trying to coax her to turn around.

Hearing a friend say her name really shouldn’t make her heart race so much, but she can’t really help it if her brain didn’t properly communicate to her heart that Carina is just a friend.

“What’s up?” Maya asks, she chances a quick look over her shoulder so it doesn’t seem like she’s actively ignoring her. It's a mistake though, because Carina is looking at her with a tilted head and an amused smile that makes her heart clench, further proving her heart so did notget the memo.

“I thought we were going to be friends,” Carina says.

She almost sounds sad and Maya can’t continue ignoring her now. Not if it results in Carina sounding like that. Maya would kick anyone’s ass for making Carina sound so defeated, which unfortunately means in this situation she has to kick her own ass.

“We are friends,” Maya tells her. She puts the box of ibuprofen back and closes the cabinet, admitting defeat in her inventory counting. She turns around and leans back against the cabinet, making herself look at Carina even though that makes it a little harder to breathe. “We’re friends,” she insists again.

“Then why have you been acting like I don't exist all night?”

Maya opens her mouth to protest, but knows she can’t so the words die in her throat. “I don’t know,” she says instead, which is the truth.

She can’t explain why she’s been acting so weird. She likes Carina, sure. This isn’t news to her and it isn’t news to Carina either. The past couple days around the house they’ve been managing. They’ve been friendly and keeping a respectful distance from each other and there might not be as much weight to their conversations now, but otherwise nothing has changed. Tonight though, Carina is right. Maya has been actively trying to pretend she isn’t even there and Maya can’t really explain it. She’s feeling something she isn’t familiar with and therefore, she doesn’t know what to do with it or how to even begin explaining it to Carina.

“Did I do something? Are you upset I am here?” Carina offers up, trying to figure out what’s going on. “Don't tell Andrea, but I was maybe checking up on him. I also knew I would see you though, so…” She trails off, knowing she doesn’t need to explain for Maya to understand.

“You haven’t done anything,” Maya insists. This is all her, she knows it. She doesn’t want Carina blaming herself for something she definitely hasn’t done.

“Then what is it? I get Andrea not wanting me here, but I thought you might.”

She sounds so sad, Maya has to physically stop herself from pushing off the cabinet and crossing the short distance between them to take Carina in her arms. She never wants to see Carina upset. Maya is mad at herself for being so ridiculous about the whole situation. This isn’t her at all.

“I do want you here,” Maya says. “Of course I do.”

Carina smiles at that, a shy, lip biting smile that has her looking up at Maya through her lashes. “Then can you tell me what is wrong?” She quickly adds, “and do not say it's nothing, because I know you better than that.”

Maya wants to be frustrated that Carina really does know her better than that, but she can’t. Carina is probably the only person she’s ever met that she’s okay with knowing her completely. It’s only been a few weeks and already Carina is able to read Maya like a book. And while that terrifies her, it also excites her. It sucks that she can’t hide anything from her, but she holds her accountable and Maya has to respect that.

“I don’t know,” Maya says again. She wishes she could offer something better than that, but she can’t. Carina’s narrowed eyes tell her that isn’t good enough though, so she tries again. “I guess I just…” she sighs, taking a moment to try and gather her thoughts. “I don’t know, I wasn’t expecting to see you here so it caught me off guard. I do like having you here, it just surprised me.”

“I understand that. I'm sorry for showing up here unannounced,” Carina says. “I didn't really mean to. I was heading home and then I got the text from Travis about dinner and I just came here instead. I did not even think about it. I wanted to check on Andrea, but I wanted to see you too,” she can’t fight back her smile at that.

"Because we're friends."

Carina sighs and lets her head rest back against the wall with a soft thump. She lets out an amused hum and confirms, "yes, because we are friends."

"Are you also friends with Jack?"

Maya wants to slap a hand over her mouth as soon as the words leave her lips. She didn't mean to say that aloud, she barely even meant to think it. But now the words are out there and she can't take them back. She forces herself not to drop eye contact, to not make this any weirder than it already is. She raises her eyebrows to try and make it seem like it's genuine curiosity that's fueling the question and not some unnamed emotion she doesn't want to give life to.

Carina's head cocks in confusion for barely a second before realization washes over her face. She has a satisfied smile on her lips like she's finally figured out the big puzzle that is Maya Bishop. She's finally clicked that last piece into place and now everything makes so much sense.

Damn, Maya's big mouth.

"Ah, I understand now," is all Carina says.

She stands up and moves to sit sideways on the edge of the gurney in between them, turned towards Maya. It only puts her maybe a foot closer to Maya, but given the tight quarters of the aid car to begin with, Maya feels like she's suddenly boxed in and has nowhere to go.

"Understand what?" Maya asks, electing to play dumb despite being smart enough to know that won't work.

Carina rolls her eyes at Maya for actually making her explain this. "I understand why you have been so weird tonight." She only pauses for a second before realizing Maya still won't let it be this easy and further clarifies. "You are jealous I was being friendly with Jack."

There it is. There's that emotion Maya couldn't name. Maya has never been jealous before, never needed to be. She was always the best and if she wasn't, she trained until she was. She never had to worry about wanting what someone else had because before too long, she'd have it for herself. So while Carina is absolutely right about her being jealous, Maya is uncomfortable being forced to reckon with this new emotion.

Maya chews on her lip. She needs to say something, but she doesn't know what. If she denies it, Carina will call her out for lying. If she admits it, she's confirming she's so hung up on Carina she doesn't know how to be just friends. Either way she looks ridiculous.

Luckily, Carina puts her out of her misery and doesn't make her say anything. Not yet, at least.

"Maya, Jack is not the firefighter I want."

She says it like she's trying to make things better, but it kind of just makes things worse. Maya's heart starts racing and she really wants to slam the door to the aid car closed and do things to Carina she definitely shouldn't be doing, especially at work. Maya unfortunately knows Andy and Jack have done a number of inappropriate things at the station so it's not like she would be the first, but she can't let herself justify it. She reminds herself Andrew is right upstairs.

"Good to know," she eventually says. It's not much, but it's better than nothing. It's a genuine response at least. She really does appreciate knowing she's the only one Carina wants even if she can't have her. She can't indulge that, though. "But you should know Travis is gay, so you don't really stand a chance there," she teases to try and lighten the mood.

Carina laughs, her head tilting backwards and her eyes squinting. It's such a beautiful sound. Maya wishes she were funnier so she could hear it all the time.

"Well damn, that would have been good to know before I wasted so much time flirting with him," she says, going along with the joke. "I guess I will have to find another firefighter to pursue. Any suggestions?" She raises an eyebrow and looks expectantly at Maya.

Maya wants to say something smooth. Now would be the perfect opportunity. She'd barely even have to try to make a move and she knows it would work. She could have Carina right now with only minimal effort.

Instead she says, "on second thought, maybe Jack is interested."

Disappointment flickers through Carina's eyes for a moment, lamenting Maya didn't take the bait. But she recovers quickly and says, "Jack is not exactly my type. I am more into blondes."

Maya feels her eyes go wide at that. Carina is so not making this any easier on her.

"In that case, how do you feel about doctors instead of firefighters? Because I'm sure Arizona would be interested."

Maya doesn't know where that came from. Arizona hadn't been anywhere close to being on her mind, but suddenly her brain just made her blurt that out.

Carina rolls her eyes hard. "I swear, between you and Andrea…" she mumbles, shaking her head. "I am not interested in Arizona. She is very nice and we get along well, but we're just friends. Besides, she is still hung up on her ex wife, but I don't think she knows that."

Maya feels a flood of relief at that. She figures she's been jealous over Arizona too. It's such a foreign feeling and she hates it. At least now she knows she doesn't need to be worried, not that she has any right at all to be worried about who Carina is or isn't interested in.

"You know, all those looks you were giving me and Arizona the other night at the bar make sense now."

Maya flushes at that. She swore she was controlling her facial expressions better than she obviously was.

Carina continues before Maya has to fumble through an explanation. "Let me clarify one more time. I'm interested only in blonde firefighters."

Maya's face heats up even more. Carina definitely isn't making this staying friends thing easy on her. She tries to deflect one more time.

"I bet Jack would be willing to dye his hair blonde for you. It might not actually look that bad."

Carina groans in frustration and then laughs. "Dio mio," she mumbles. She looks at Maya and shakes her head, letting her know how ridiculous she thinks she's being. Finally, she sighs and decides to shift the subject away from who she's interested in or not.

"Even if I did want Jack it would not matter because he is with Andy."

Maya is grateful for the change of topic. "You know about that?" She gasps. She's only ever discussed this with Andy before, hasn't dared divulge this secret to anyone else, not even Andrew. So it's blowing her mind a little to hear someone else bring it up.

"Oh yes, it's obvious," Carina laughs, waving a hand like it's no big deal. "They kept stealing glances and at one point during dinner, Andy tried to brush her foot against Jack's leg, but brushed mine instead."

Maya bursts out laughing at that. She's so going to give Andy shit for that. It'll be payback for all the teasing Andy has dealt her regarding Carina the past couple weeks.

"I told her they're terrible at hiding it," Maya says once she's calmed down. "I'm surprised no one here at the station has caught on, they're walking a dangerous line. Captain would lose his mind if he found out."

"Well, they are not the only ones who want someone they cannot have, so I can understand taking the risk."

The words are sobering. Maya is no longer amused by Carina figuring Andy and Jack out, she's just worried about someone else figuring it out too. The rifts that would cause through the team might not be something they can recover from, at least not completely. And that makes her sad because she can relate to wanting someone she isn't allowed to be with, so even if she isn't fully convinced Andy has real feelings for Jack, she can at least relate to Jack's side of things. He thinks Andy is worth the risk.

Maya realizes then she isn't keeping Carina at a distance because she isn't worth the risk, but because she is. She knows being with Carina would rock her entire world, and not just in a sexual way, which she knows would blow her mind. Carina would change her life and make her feel things she's never felt for another person. And while it would lead to Maya losing Andrew, Carina would be worth it. Everything she knows she could have with her would be worth whatever she had to sacrifice to get it in the end.

But that isn't a sacrifice Maya is willing to make.

Staying friends with Carina means getting to have both her and Andrew in her life. If she can't have them both the way she wants them, at least she can settle for having it partially. It's better than the alternative for Maya.

But for Jack and Andy, they're willing to risk their reputations and relationships they have with the rest of their team. Maya would never hold it against either of them, but she can't be sure everyone else will feel the same. It's hitting Maya even harder just how dangerous what they're doing is and she kind of wishes Andy had never even told her.

"If only it were that easy," Maya says sadly.

Carina sighs, "yes, if only." She lays a hand out towards Maya on the gurney, palm facing upwards.

Maya only hesitates for a second before she reaches out and lays her hand in Carina's. She can't even begin to describe the sense of ease that washes over her the second her skin touches Carina's. It's like she finally has a lifeline after floating aimlessly for so long.

"Do you hold hands with all of your friends?" Maya asks, a teasing glint in her eye.

"Only the ones I really like." Carina winks and squeezes Maya's hand. "By the way, you should know you are cute when you are jealous."

Maya definitely blushes at that. There's no denying it.

"Okay, I'm leaving." She pulls her hand away from Carina's, instantly missing the contact.

Carina laughs at how easy she's able to work Maya up, but she lets it go. "Yes, I should probably get home anyway. Want to help me convince Andrea to come home with me? He has a long day tomorrow, he needs his rest."

Maya clears the lump in her throat and says, "I'll try my best to help, but no promises."

"Something tells me your best is better than any promise you could ever make anyway."

Maya bites her tongue and shakes her head at Carina's goading grin. She's just trying to get a rise out of her again and Maya isn't going to engage. She isn't.

"I'm leaving now," Maya says before hopping out of the aid car without looking back.

Carina's laugh trails after Maya as she sets off to find Andrew.

Chapter Text

Maya has had a lot of unexpected things happen while at work. She's experienced explosions, people getting stuck in places they definitely shouldn't be, near death situations and a literal fireworks show in a convenience store. She's seen it all.

But none of those things could have prepared her for seeing Captain Herrera unconscious on the floor of a burning apartment complex. None of those things could have prepared her for having to help give him CPR when he lost his pulse while Andy yells at Jack about letting her dad out of his sight. None of those things could have prepared her for needing to strap Captain Herrera's unconscious body to Jack's back so they could all jump out of said burning apartment building seconds before the whole place went up in flames.

Captain Herrera is a rock. He's an indomitable force that has helped shape her into the firefighter she is today. He's shaped the whole team. And while his methods may be questionable when it comes to his own daughter, he's never been anything but solid for Maya. So to see him lying in a hospital bed later that night…well it all just feels far too surreal.

The whole team piles into the waiting room even though Andy tries to get them to leave. They aren't just there for Captain Herrera, but for her too. And they aren't leaving. Maya makes a couple calls, knowing Andy and Jack are too distraught to do it themselves, and gets B shift to come into the station early and cover for them. Their team can stay here as long as they need.

Andy is still back with her dad. Jack paces up and down the hallway. Travis sits slumped in his chair with his head resting back against the wall and his eyes closed, but Maya knows he isn't sleeping. He hates hospitals and the memories they drum up from when his husband died, so he's doing his best to block them out. Ben is hunched over, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. Dean produced a deck of cards from somewhere and is absent mindedly shuffling them in his hands. He asked if Vic wanted to play a game, but she politely declined. Instead, she's staring towards the door that leads to the hallway where Captain Herrera's room is, chewing on her thumbnail and lost in a daze. Maya sits in her own chair watching them all, this rag tag group of individuals that Captain Herrera hand picked and personally transformed into a family. She tells herself he's going to be fine, though she isn't sure she truly believes it.

The door swings open and half of them immediately jump to their feet, expecting Andy or Ben's wife, Miranda, with an update. Instead it's Andrew.

He rushes to Maya and practically lifts her off the floor to wrap her up in a hug. "Oh my god, I just heard. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Maya insists, pulling away from Andrew after a moment. She doesn't need comfort. Comfort implies something is wrong and nothing is wrong. Everything is going to be fine.

"Do you know anything?" Travis asks, rising from his seat and walking towards them.

"Hey man," Andrew says, stepping towards Travis and hugging him next. "No, I don't know the details. I just got out of surgery and heard what happened, but I'll go find Bailey and get you all an update, okay?" At Travis' nod, he starts back the way he came. "I'll be right back," he says, patting Jack on the shoulder as he passes by.

Maya watches through the window in the door as he walks down the hall until he turns a corner and then he's gone. Travis sits back down and Maya figures she should too, but she can't imagine sitting still right now. She can't do it anymore.

"I'm going to get a coffee," she announces. "Anyone want anything?"

She gets a couple silent head shakes in rejection, but mostly she's just ignored. She doesn't take it personally. She knows everyone has to deal with this in their own way, just like Maya has to deal with it in hers by leaving the waiting room so she can actually breathe for a minute.

"I'll be back," she says, despite knowing they probably aren't paying her much attention anyway.

She sets off down a hallway, unsure if she's actually going the right way. While she's a frequent visitor in the ER when dropping off patients, she's hardly been anywhere else in this hospital. She doesn't exactly know where she's going, but she figures she'll find her way eventually. Besides, the longer she spends wandering, the longer she gets to avoid the waiting room, so she doesn't mind getting lost.

Though she hardly gets the chance to get lost, before she's found.

"Maya!" She hears an all too familiar voice call after her, followed by the clacking of high heels on the linoleum floor.

Maya turns and sees Carina striding towards her, looking nearly frantic.

"I was on my way home when I heard what happened," Carina says once she's closer. She holds open her arms and hesitates, giving Maya a chance to turn down the contact. When she doesn't get any resistance, she wraps Maya in a hug and holds her tightly.

Maya doesn't hug her back right away. She isn't quite stiff, had welcomed the contact, but she just lets herself be held for a moment. She lets herself be comforted by the warmth and ease Carina offers. The same comfort she wouldn't let herself take from Andrew, but she doesn't have it in her to fight it from Carina. She doesn't think she wants to.

Eventually, she wraps her arms around Carina's waist and sinks against her body. She hadn't realized how mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted she is until just this moment. Carina hugs her and suddenly everything she's been blocking out the past few hours comes roaring to the surface. It's like she finally feels safe enough to let herself feel everything.

She's devastated about Captain Herrera. She's heartbroken for Andy. She's terrified for what comes next. She's exhilarated from her brush with near death. She's proud they managed to clear the building with no civilian casualties. She doesn't usually let herself feel all these things, especially not all at once, so she isn't exactly sure how to process them. But being held by Carina makes her think it might be okay to start figuring it out.

"Are you okay? I heard your Captain collapsed and you jumped out of a window?" Carina asks, stroking Maya's hair at the base of her skull that's come loose from her ponytail.

Maya hums as Carina's nails lightly scratch her skin. "I'm okay," she says, the words muffled against Carina's shoulder. Maya thinks she could stand here and hold Carina all night, but unfortunately Carina starts to pull away too soon.

"No you are not, you are bleeding," she says. Deft fingers rise up to touch Maya's forehead, brushing away more hair that's come loose. "Has anyone looked at this? I think you need stitches." She brings her other hand up to tilt Maya's chin upwards and allow herself a better look at Maya's head.

"I'm okay," Maya says again. "It's fine."

She didn't even realize her head was cut, but suddenly there's a throbbing pain underneath her skull and her skin burns. She notices there's a drop of blood on the collar of Carina's shirt and realizes it must have come from her.

She reaches out and tries to swipe it away, but it's too late. It's already stained the soft blue fabric. "Shit, I'm sorry about this."

Carina's eyes flick down to her shirt, but barely for a second. "Don't worry about that, I don't care about my shirt. I care about you."

She says it with such sincerity Maya has to take a step back. She doesn't know how to handle someone caring so much. Being taken care of is never something she's needed, she can take care of herself. She's fine. She doesn't need to dwell on what happened. She needs to keep moving ahead.

Eyes forward.

"I should get back to the team," she tells Carina, trying to back away.

Carina is too quick, though. She reaches out and gently grabs Maya's wrist, keeping her in place. "Dr. Bailey is with Andy and her dad. She is giving them the best care they could possibly have. Andrea told me he was getting your team an update and then he is going to stay with them until they leave. Everyone else is being taken care of right now. Please let me take care of you."

Her eyes are pleading for Maya to let her help. She's being gentle about it, knowing pushing too hard will send Maya running back to the waiting room. But she clearly believes Maya really does need help so she isn't backing down. She looks determined to win out over Maya's inherent stubbornness.

Maya sighs, figuring she might as well just go along with this. "Okay, fine," she agrees.

"We will go find an empty exam room and I can get you stitched up." She slides her fingers down Maya's wrist until she's holding her hand and tugs her down the hallway.

Maya follows along, thinking she would probably follow Carina anywhere.

This time at night, things are pretty slow so they have no trouble finding an empty exam room. Carina leads her in and closes the door behind them. Maya tries to ignore that there are no windows to the hallway, so they're essentially all alone where no one can see them. Carina flips on the overhead lights and Maya unintentionally hisses at how bright they are in the dark room, her head suddenly aching like it never has before.

"Sorry," Carina mumbles.

She switches off the main lights, leaving only the accessory lights on underneath the cabinets and by the door to light the room. Maya's stomach flutters as the words 'mood lighting' float through her head, but now is so not the time to think like that. She's literally bleeding and possibly concussed and Carina just wants to take care of her.

"Can you hop up on the table? I will find a suture kit somewhere here." Carina starts opening cabinets and drawers in search of the supplies she needs.

Maya sits up on the exam table as instructed, watching as Carina filters through all the drawers. She's chewing on her bottom lip as she searches. It's really fucking cute.

"Are you even authorized to give me sutures?" Maya means it as a joke, but it sounds more like a challenge.

Carina glances over her shoulder and looks mildly offended, but her words are lighthearted. "I will have you know, Dr. Bailey gave me privileges and I delivered a baby today. I think I can handle a few stitches."

"You delivered a baby?" Maya lets out a genuine gasp.

Maya doesn't care much for babies, but she knows Carina does. She also knows it's been awhile since Carina has been able to deliver a baby, focusing instead on her research. The smile that lights up Carina's face as she thinks about her day eases Maya's racing heart. For the first time since she found Captain Herrera out cold on the ground, Maya actually manages to smile.

"Yes I did," Carina grins proudly. "There were three OBs out sick today and they needed help so Dr. Bailey asked me to step in. I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby boy. His parents named him Milo."

"That's amazing," Maya says. She loves listening to Carina talk about her work.

"Ah-ha, there you are." Carina finally finds the supplies she's looking for. She grabs what she needs and sets everything on one of the little metal tray tables and rolls it over to where Maya is seated. "Sorry for the light," she says before switching on the bright light by the exam table. It burns her eyes for a moment, but she quickly adjusts.

"How did it feel getting to deliver a baby again?" Maya asks, wanting to keep Carina talking about the job she loves so much.

"It was so wonderful," Carina says, her smile even more blinding than the light. "I love getting to do my research, but I have missed delivering babies. I got into OB because I love bringing life into this world. It was very nice getting to do that again."

"I'm really happy for you," Maya tells her sincerely. "That's so special."

Maya saw a baby being delivered in the back of the aid car once and it was hard to understand the miracle of life everyone always raves about while there was so much screaming and chaos during a field delivery sans epidural. It wasn't until afterwards when Travis placed the wrapped up bundle of joy in the mom's arms for the first time that she finally started to get it. She doesn't know if she ever wants kids, but she respects those who do. It was a beautiful moment. At least for a few minutes until the baby started wailing.

She knows that she would want delivering babies to be her entire job, but she understands why Carina loves it. Her profession makes so much sense given how compassionate and kind Carina is.

"I think I will get to deliver more babies from now on," she says as she uses a sterile cotton swab to apply numbing ointment to Maya's head as gently as she can.

Maya hisses quietly as the ointment burns, earning her an apology from Carina. She knows the pain is temporary, though and she shouldn't feel anything soon.

She takes a slow breath before asking, "what do you mean?"

"Well the patient must have really enjoyed me. Chief Bailey told me they had very nice things to say and they wished I had been her OB all along," she smiles shyly, admitting to the compliment. "Bailey said there is an OB position open and it is mine if I want it."

Maya can't help but smile at that. She's so happy for Carina. Even if she doesn't accept the job, it's still such high praise for Miranda Bailey to personally offer it to her. Maya always assumed Carina was great at her job, but an endorsement from the Chief of Surgery is next level. She's so proud of Carina and knows she more than deserves it.

She wants Carina to accept the job, wants her to stick around. Yes, selfishly she wants it for herself. She wants to be able to see Carina and not wonder how many more times she'll be able to before she leaves. She's realizing now how much she was dreading the day Carina would tell her she's going back to Italy. Sure, it would be a hell of a lot easier to get over her feelings for her if she were in another country, but Maya doesn't want to lose her. Even as tormented as she feels now, wanting Carina and unable to have her, she'd still take that over not having her in her life at all.

So yes, she's selfishly happy the job would mean she still gets to see Carina, but she's also incredibly happy for Andrew because he gets to have his sister around longer. As annoyed as he gets by her constantly looking out for him, he's admitted to Maya how nice it is having his sister here. He would be heartbroken if she were to leave.

"Oh my god, that's incredible," Maya says. "Carina, that's so great, congratulations!"

"Thank you," Carina smiles as she sits down on the rolling chair and slides close to Maya as she waits for the numbing cream to start working.

"Do you think you're going to take it?" Maya can't help but ask. Sure, it's the appropriate thing to ask, but Maya knows it's weighted coming from her. She knows what admitting she wants her to stay means.

Carina studies her for a few seconds, eyes moving between both of Maya's, up to the cut on her head, down to her lips, back up to her eyes. She considers her answer carefully before she says, "there is a job waiting for me back in Italy." She waits just long enough for Maya's heart to sink before she continues, "but I am very happy here."

Maya isn't able to contain the sigh of relief she lets out at that admission. She'd been convinced for a moment she was going to lose Carina without ever even having her and she wasn't prepared for that to happen.

"I like Grey-Sloan," Carina says. "I like the other doctors and nurses. I like Seattle, even when it rains. I like living with my brother. I like…" she hesitates like she isn't going to continue, but eventually she adds, "you."

Maya's heart rate kicks up and she has to grip the edge of the exam table to stop herself from reaching out to hold Carina's face and pulling it towards hers. She's sure her knuckles are white from gripping too tightly, but it's that or fucking up royally. She grips tighter.

"I like you being here too," Maya says. It doesn't exactly mirror what Carina said, but it's the best she can safely give her without undoing all the hard work she's done to keep her distance. Besides, she knows Carina knows what she actually means by that.

"I am glad," Carina smirks. "But if I stay here longer, I guess I should look for my own place."

"No!" Maya blurts out before she can stop herself. Carina laughs at her outburst, but she doesn't allow herself time to be embarrassed, pushing forward with what she wants to say. "You don't have to move out, you can stay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course. I mean at least for a while, the housing market is crazy right now. You don't want to deal with that," she tries to justify even though she doesn't know shit about the current state of Seattle's housing market. "I know the office isn't very big, but we can officially make it your room. We never used it before anyway. We can get you an actual bed and sell the futon. The closet space isn't the best, but we can figure something out," Maya offers.

She doesn't know why she's so persistent with this. Things would be so much easier if Carina didn't live across the hall from her, if she didn't have to see her every single day. If Carina moved out they'd still see each other from time to time, but Carina wouldn't be such a constant presence and Maya could finally start to move on. Maybe by admitting she doesn't want her to move out means she's admitting to herself she has no intention of getting over Carina, but that's a problem for Future Maya. Present Maya isn't willing to give up her already limited time with Carina so Future Maya will just have to suck it up and figure it out.

Carina watches her again, looking for any hint of second doubt. Apparently she doesn't find any because she says, "okay then. I will stay." She smiles at Maya before adding, "I will have to check with Andrea first, but then I will tell Chief Bailey I want the job."

Maya can only smile in response, too worried about the words that would come out of her mouth if she chose to actually speak.

"The numbing cream will help, but tell me if this hurts too much," she says, remorseful as she holds up a gauze pad drenched in distilled water

"It's okay, I'll be fine." Maya brushes it off like it's no big thing.

Captain Herrera is lying in a hospital bed right now. His heart stopped earlier tonight. She can handle this.

Carina is meticulous with cleaning the wound, taking her time to do this carefully and thoroughly. Maya watches her face as she works. Her eyes are focused and determined, never leaving Maya's cut. There are little creases at the corners of her eyes as she squints slightly. Her teeth bite into her bottom lip until it starts turning white, but she hardly seems to notice.

Maya can't help but think how beautiful she is. Objectively, yes. She's gorgeous and everyone knows it. But in this moment, while she's zeroed in on the task at hand and totally in her element, Maya is taken aback by just how beautiful she is. She actually lets out an audible gasp, which breaks Carina out of the zone.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" She rushes out, pulling her hands back.

"No, no, I'm okay. You're great. You're perfect."

Maya bites her tongue, kicking herself for letting that last sentence slide. Carina just smiles and lets it go. She takes a couple more swipes at Maya's head and is then happy with how clean it is.

"Okay, that should do it," she whispers, tilting Maya's head gently to the side so she can make sure she got all the ash and dirt. "The next part will not be fun. Tell me if it is too much and I can find a nurse to get anesthetic. I don't have access to medicine yet."

"I'll be fine," Maya insists.

Carina rolls her eyes at her stubbornness as she picks up the needle and thread to get to work.

Maya hisses when the needle first pierces her skin, but she grits her teeth and bares it. She can handle the pain. She won a gold medal on a sprained ankle. This is nothing by comparison.

Carina hesitates. She opens her mouth, presumably to ask if she wants the anesthetic, but Maya cuts her off.

"I'm fine, just keep going."

Carina looks like she's about to protest, but she doesn't. She just continues on silently, being as careful as she can. Her bottom lip gets sucked in between her teeth again and Maya focuses on that instead to distract herself from the pain.

It only takes four stitches, but Maya still sighs in relief when Carina says she's finished. She probably couldn't have taken much more.

"You know, you do not have to be so tough all the time," Carina says, opening a bandage to cover the cut. Her tone is teasing, but there's a glint in her eyes that says she's serious too.

"Yes I do. Staying tough helps me focus. It keeps me moving. Eyes forward." Those two words are encoded in her DNA at this point. She doesn't know anything else.

"Eyes forward?" Carina asks as she presses the bandage over the wound and makes sure it's secure.

"It's something my dad always says. Looking back isn't an option, it'll only slow you down. Eyes forward at all times. Winners only ever look forward."

"Huh," Carina hums, but says nothing else. She cleans up all the trash from the tray table and gets up to throw it in the medical waste bin across the room.

Maya wants to ask what that 'huh' means because it was definitely loaded, but it's been too long of a night and she doesn't want to get into that right now. She's about to hop off the exam table when Carina comes back over and puts a hand on her knee to stop her.

"Hold on, I need to do a concussion test," Carina says. She pulls a pen light out of her bag and switches it on.

"That's not necessary, I'm fine."

"Maya, head injuries are very serious. Just because you feel fine now, does not mean you are. I am going to check you out," Carina insists.

Maya bites her lip at the word choice, but Carina doesn't even notice. She just raises the light to aim at Maya's eyes and begins the evaluation.

As Maya expected, Carina determines she is concussion-free and allows her to finally get off of the table.

"I should get back to the team," Maya says.

She's been gone too long already. Under normal circumstances, they'd probably be wondering where she was, but she's sure they're all so caught up in their own heads they haven't really noticed. Still, she wants to get back and wait with them. They should all go through this together.

"Wait, one more thing," Carina says.

Before Maya can ask what it is, Carina reaches out and takes Maya's wrist in her hand, pulling her in until she can wrap her in another hug. Maya doesn't wait to hug her back this time, instinctually wrapping her arms around her waist and holding her close even though she doesn't know what the reasoning is for the hug.

One of Carina's hands cradles the back of her head, fingers scratching at her hairline once again and sending shivers down Maya's spine. Carina's other arm is tight around her shoulders, ensuring they remain pressed against each other even after what's considered a normal amount of time to hug someone passes by.

"I am so glad you are okay," Carina muses, cheek pressed against the side of Maya's head.

Maya doesn't think she's ever had someone be so concerned about her wellbeing. Her team cares, of course, but they go through it all with her so a lot of their concern is reserved for themselves as well. Andrew has gotten pretty shaken from some of the stories she's told him, but he has crazy cases sometimes that have him a little desensitized to life or death situations. With Carina though, she's so deeply worried that Maya hears the slight anxious rattle in her breath as it ghosts across her ear.

It's jarring, having someone care so deeply after going without it for this long. Maya feels almost suffocated by it. As nice as it is to be held by Carina, it's suddenly too much.

As subtly as she can, Maya pulls out of the embrace. "I'm okay. I've had worse calls before. It happens."

Carina looks almost disappointed at how easily Maya is trying to brush this off, but she isn't discouraged. "Maya, it is okay to be upset. A very scary thing happened to you tonight and someone you care about a lot is lying in a hospital bed. You can let yourself feel it and scream or cry or whatever you need to do to let it out."

Maya feels her stomach tightening and knows she's getting frustrated. She's being pushed to confront something she doesn't want to shed light on and she thinks she might snap. She doesn't want to lash out at Carina. She knows she's just trying to be there for her and offering a safe place for Maya to break. But Maya doesn't break.

"I'm not going to cry," Maya brushes off the suggestion. "Crying is a sign of weakness and I'm not weak. I'm fine."

Sadness, but not quite pity, washes over Carina's face. Her features soften and she says quietly, "that's not true. Crying is normal and healthy. It's how your body releases the flood of chemicals from your brain when you experience emotions. It's okay to cry."

"Tell that to my dad," Maya scoffs.

It comes out more bitter than she intends, but she can't help it. She wants Carina to take the hint and let this go so she doesn't have to be even more rude about this. She needs this conversation to stop.

Carina's eyes burn like she takes that as a challenge and she says, "I think if I ever meet your father, I will have many things to tell him."

Maya doesn't like what her tone implies. As she's gotten older, she's realized some of her dad's parenting methods weren't exactly conventional, but he always meant well. She's made peace with some of the more difficult aspects of their relationship, but she knows she wouldn't be anywhere without him. She doesn't even want to ask what Carina means by that statement.

She's too distraught after the events of tonight. Carina is right. She is upset over what happened tonight, but she doesn't need to let that out. She'll deal with it internally like she always does. She's fine. She doesn't need to dwell.

Eyes forward.

"I need to get back to the team," Maya says, letting Carina know as kindly as she can that she's done with this conversation. "Thank you for stitching me up," she says to soften the blow.

Carina gives her a sad, but understanding smile. "Of course, I am always here to help you," she says as a final attempt to console her. "Andrea or I can take the stitches out in a few days."

Maya nods and opens the door, letting Carina turn off the lights and close the door behind them. Carina walks alongside her back to the waiting room, but they don't speak. The silence they're in isn't quite uncomfortable, but there's an edge of tension to it. It's the first time she's ever really felt uneasy around Carina, at least in a negative way. She attributes it to the residual chaos of tonight and hopes things will be better tomorrow.

Because things surely can't get worse than tonight.

Chapter Text

Captain Herrera is forced to take a medical leave of absence.

They all know that's just code for retirement, but he refuses to call it that and they don't dare voice that opinion in front of him. He still believes he's going to take some time off to get better and then he's jumping right back into captaining the station. They let him believe that, thinking it will help his recovery process if he stays optimistic.

Andy offers him a healthy dose of reality anytime he pushes himself too hard, reminding him of how important rest is. Andy got her stubbornness from him, so of course he's reluctant, but he's always had such a soft spot for his daughter, so eventually he gives in. At least he gives in as much as he's capable of doing. His last act as captain is to make Andy a Lieutenant, something he honestly should've done long ago, but at least he's finally doing it now.

The team misses Captain Herrera and feels his absence immediately, but they wish him well on his road to recovery. There's a somber weight hanging over them all during the first official shift without him. Jack stepped in to run things for a few days before Captain Herrera officially stepped down. Today is their first day officially Captain-less and there's a sense of unease as no one quite knows exactly what will happen now. They hardly get a chance to feel it though before Fire Chief Lucas Ripley shows up in the beanery during their breakfast, Jack and Andy flanking him on either side.

"Good morning everyone, listen up," he Ripley says. "I know you all are dealing with a lot after that apartment complex fire. I want to thank Lieutenant Gibson for stepping up in Captain Herrera's absence. Moving forward, he and Lieutenant Herrera will be alternating shifts in charge here at 19 until a permanent replacement for Captain Herrera is chosen. Lieutenant Herrera will assume command this shift and they'll trade off from there."

Maya is the only one not totally caught off guard by this. Andy told her last night this was going to happen. She had wanted Maya's support when the rest of the team found out. She knew everyone just assumed Jack would become the new captain, so they would likely be shocked to find out Andy has a shot at this too.

Looking around the table, there are definitely some surprised faces. Dean is doing a terrible job of hiding his shock. Travis looks surprised for a moment, but then he nods his head like it makes sense. Ben looks around at everyone else, trying to gauge how they're feeling to decide how he should feel. Vic looks surprised, but mostly because she can tell Maya isn't. She shoots Maya a look that asks if she already knew and Maya just gives her a quick nod before looking back at Andy, Jack, and Ripley.

"Gibson and Herrera are both very fine Lieutenants and I know Station 19 is in good hands with them in charge." He turns around to face Andy and Jack. "If you two would come with me, we'll finalize a few last things with the schedule and then I'll be on my way." He nods in the direction of the team, "take care, everyone," and then heads back downstairs, Andy and Jack following closely behind.

They all wait a few seconds until they hear three sets of boots descending the stairs before anyone speaks.

"So that was unexpected, right?" Dean asks.

"I mean it makes sense, I guess. Andy is just as capable as Jack," Vic says. "Even if she isn't capable of telling me this herself," she mumbles, barely under her breath.

"Yeah, Andy is a fantastic firefighter, but she's only been Lieutenant for like a day. Hasn't Jack been a Lieutenant for over a year?" Ben asks.

"Andy should've made Lieutenant the same time as Jack did, if not before," Maya chimes in, feeling the need to defend her friend.

"Yeah, but she didn't. Ben is right, Andy isn't exactly qualified yet," Dean says.

"Whoa, I didn't mean she isn't qualified. I just meant it seems a little fast," Ben clarifies.

"I think she'll do a good job," Travis says, calmly cutting off the argument that was about to start. "Andy is excellent. Captain Herrera trained her well, just like he trained all of us. I think she and Jack will both do a great job leading things until they decide who gets the job full time."

Everyone stays quiet as they process what Travis said. They can't deny he's right. Even Dean, who is clearly upset his best friend is seemingly being snubbed, shrugs his shoulders and relents.

"I guess at least this way, there's more than one opportunity for the next captain to be one of us instead of an outsider," Dean points out, apparently on board with things now.

"True that," Vic adds. "They can't bring in someone else and ruin our whole dynamic. Only 19 firefighters are up to par with 19. No one else is good enough for us," she laughs, though she's mostly being serious.

"19!" Maya exclaims.

The rest of the team joins in with their own shouts of, "19," and then they settle down and get back to their breakfast.

Maya is excited for Andy to lead things around here. Sure, it'll only be half the time, but she's looking forward to it. Maya loves Captain Herrera, of course. She owes so much of her success here to him, but she can't wait to have a woman as captain. She's only ever had male coaches throughout her entire career, always had men dictating her training schedule and deciding if she's good enough or not. Having Andy in charge feels like a win not just for Andy, but for Maya too.

The only thing Maya is worried about with Andy being in charge is how things are going to go between her and Jack.

Jack and Andy broke up the day after the apartment fire when her dad collapsed. Andy told Maya they essentially broke up in the hospital right after, but they talked again and made things official the next day. Neither of them wanted things to end like that when emotions were running high so soon after everything went down, but Andy says she knew things had to end. She swore from the beginning it was nothing serious and with everything going on, it was time to end things. Something tells Maya, Jack probably wasn't as quick to want things to end. He looked devastated when the team walked in on his argument with Andy in the hospital where she blamed him for what happened to her dad. Maya knows he loves her and so he probably would've preferred to try and make things work, but since Andy was done, so was he.

He's been weirdly mature about it, pretending as if nothing happened and Andy is just like any other member of the team. Maya didn't expect him to be petty about it or anything, but she at least thought he would act wounded for a while.

Maybe this won't be so bad. Maybe Jack and Andy will be able to lead as co-captains and keeps their former relationship drama to a minimum.

Maya doesn't let her hopes get too high on that one, but maybe.

A few hours into their shift, they get a call requesting one fire engine and the aid car. Andy instructs Maya, Travis and Vic to stay behind at the station in case they call for the second engine, and Maya thinks maybe she isn't so happy Andy is in charge after all. She doesn't like being left out of the action.

She gets the decision, though. Andy can't play favorites, not when all eyes are on her. She's under so much pressure to do well with this, so Maya cuts her a little slack for making Maya stay behind. If she does it again though, then Maya might be actually upset.

Vic and Travis start gossiping immediately once they're the only ones left. About what, Maya doesn't even know, but they're worked up about something so it's entertaining. Maya watches them trade exclamations back and forth across the front desk with an amused smile on her face, just trying to keep up.

Maya doesn't get a chance to quite figure it out, though before the front door to the lobby is being swung open. They all turn to see who it is, but Maya is the only one who knows.

It's her brother.

He looks better than when she last saw him a couple months ago. Then, he was living in a ratty tent under a highway overpass. Maya and Andy had been giving out free vaccines and Mason looked at Maya like he wanted nothing to do with her. He literally told her he didn't. Maya has never been good at backing down though, so she went back later that night with a bag full of supplies for him, food, warm socks, a first aid kit, and other things she though he needed. When she was at the store, though, she realized what Maya thinks Mason needs and what Mason thinks he needs are two different things. So she also bought some art supplies, paint and brushes, a sketch pad and pencils.

Mason had accepted it graciously and Maya had hoped they might be on track towards mending things between them. But when she went back by the next day on her morning run with Andrew, she noticed Mason's tent was gone. However, there was a mural painted on the wall that hadn't been there the night before. Maya recognized it immediately as Mason's work, the bright colors giving her a hopeful feeling like all his sketches used to, despite the hardship Mason was going through. Art was the only time Maya actually saw joy in her brother. She's glad he hasn't lost that, even if she didn't know where he was anymore.

Maya didn't tell Andrew that Mason had been there, she wasn't ready to talk about it. When Andrew had commented on how pretty the mural was, she just agreed quickly and then continued their run. She's gone back by the mural a few times the last couple months, hoping to see Mason's tent there again, but she never has.

Now Mason is standing in the lobby of Station 19, looking almost like his old self. His clothes are clean and his hair looks like it's been cut recently. He still has dark circles under his eyes like he isn't sleeping quite enough, but his eyes themselves are clear and bright, the same shade of blue as Maya's own.

"Mason, what are you doing here?" Maya asks, stepping cautiously towards him. She can't believe he's actually here.

"Hey, Maya," he says, trying to be casual, but mostly just sounding uncomfortable.

Travis clears his throat quietly and Maya figures she should make introductions. "Travis, Vic, this is my brother Mason. Mason, these are my coworkers."

Travis looks surprised, Maya doesn't think she ever told him she had a brother, but he recovers quickly. He waves at Mason and says, "nice to meet you."

Vic offers the same sentiment, somehow managing to contain her evident excitement at meeting Maya's long lost brother. She must be able to sense he's uneasy, so she doesn't want to overwhelm him.

Mason sends a small wave towards Vic and Travis, not wanting to be rude, but Maya can tell he isn't really interested in small talk with her friends.

He turns back to Maya, but won't hold eye contact. "Can we talk?"

Maya has no idea what he could possibly want to talk about, but last time she saw him he was living on the street and refused to talk to her about anything. So whatever it is, she's more than willing to talk with him now.

"Yeah, of course," Maya tells him. "We can go up to the lounge." She heads towards the stairs and waits for him to follow. She sees Vic and Travis share an apprehensive look, but she waves them off. "I'll be back soon, come get me if you need me," she tells them and then leads Mason up the stairs.

When they get up to the lounge, Maya takes a seat on the couch, but Mason stays standing by the door. He leans against the frame with his arms crossed like he wants to have a quick exit path if necessary. Maya doesn't push him.

"How are you?" Maya asks carefully. He's quiet for a few moments, like he doesn't know how to answer that question, so she helps him out. "You look good."

He holds her eye contact for two seconds, which is more than he has so far. He drops it before he says, "yeah I'm doing okay."

"That's great, Mason," she tells him genuinely.

He rolls his eyes a little at that and Maya pretends she doesn't see. She knows his distrust is ingrained so deeply in his brain that it will take a long time to rewire those synapses to be able to accept a compliment from her again. It hurts, but she's contributed just as much to the strain in their relationship, so she doesn't hold it against him.

"So what's going on? Why are you here?" She asks after he stays silent for several seconds.

He stops and starts his sentence a few times, "I uh…well it's ju--look I…" He trails off and looks up at Maya with pleading eyes.

When they were kids, they could practically read each other's minds. They used to joke that they were actually twins, but Mason wasn't ready to be born at the same time as Maya so he waited a year and a half longer. Other kids had secret languages, but Maya and Mason didn't even need words. They could exchange a look and have a full conversation in just a few silent seconds.

As they got older, they stopped being able to read each other. They grew apart and their communication dwindled. They still barely used words, but they didn't use looks either. They were both so cautious around their father, walking on eggshells so they wouldn't upset him, that they ignored each other as well. They worried any little thing could set their dad off for not living up to his expectations.

Now though, Maya knows exactly what his wordless question is. And she understands why he doesn't want to ask it, she wouldn't either.

"You need help," Maya says, trying to keep her tone as neutral as possible. "What can I do?"

Deep down she's excited and proud he's actually coming to her for help, but she also feels sad he's in a position where he needs help. She knows how hard this is for him to ask, so she doesn't want to upset him by seeming like she's pitying him and she really doesn't want to come across as condescending.

Mason rocks backward a half step as if he's considering leaving, but then he takes two steps into the room to force himself to stay. His arms remain crossed and his eyes are on the floor, but it's something. "I uhm…I need…I'm having trouble making rent this month." He chews on his bottom lip and then adds, "and I didn't pay it last month either."

"Okay," Maya nods, hoping he's telling the truth. She wants to believe this is the real reason he's asking for money, but her cynical side makes her worried it might be for drugs. She does her best not to sound accusatory when she asks, "where have you been staying?"

Last time she saw him he was living in a tent at a homeless encampment, so him being anywhere that requires rent seems like a big upgrade. She prays it's the truth.

If he senses her paranoia, he doesn't let it be known. "The sister of this guy I work with has been letting me stay in her basement. Her husband is a social worker so they understand my situation and have been helping me get back on my feet. She's been cutting me a deal with rent, and hasn't been pushing me for it yet, but…I just don't want to fuck this up. I don't want to take advantage."

Maya believes him. She thinks maybe she shouldn't, knows her friends would tell her to be more cautious, but she believes him. He wouldn't be asking her for money if he weren't telling the truth. She knows he wouldn't ask her for drug money because he wouldn't want her to know he was using. She can tell from his eyes he isn't using, though. They're clearer than she's seen them in years. He's telling the truth.

"How much do you need?"

His eyebrows shoot up, surprised it's this easy. "Really? You'll help?"

"Of course I will," Maya tells him without hesitation. "You're my brother."

That line is about as sentimental as Maya ever gets and he knows it. She isn't sure what's gotten into her. Maybe it has to do with seeing Carina and Andrew reconnect lately and it's made her nostalgic for a relationship with her brother. Maybe she's grown up enough at this point to stop holding what he's been through against him. Maybe she still feels residual guilt for stealing all the attention from their parents and leaving him alone when he needed them the most. Whatever it is, Mason is her brother and he needs help so she's going to help him.

"Tell me how much you need," Maya prods carefully.

"$600 will get me through to my next paycheck," he sheepishly admits. "I know it's a lot of money, but I swear I'll pay you back. It might take me a few weeks, but I will. Things have just been slow at work, but I'm looking for something else and I--"

"Mason, it's okay," she cuts him off. "I can handle that, no worries." She rises from the couch and moves around him, waving after him to follow her to her locker. "Tell me your landlord's name and I can write a check."

Maya doesn't even remember the last time she had to write a check, but she knows her checkbook is still in her backpack. She kept meaning to take it out, but always forgot. It feels a little meant to be that it's still there now.

There's an alarm bell going off in her head telling her this is too much. She should be more cautious, ask more questions, ask for some sort of proof of where this money is going. She can tell Mason is surprised it's this easy. She's surprising herself honestly. But when she saw Mason a couple months ago, she told him she just wanted to help him, whatever he needed. She didn't think he would ever actually ask for her help, but here he is and this is what he needs. She told him she would help and Maya Bishop keeps her word. So she's helping, even if it goes against her better judgment.

Mason follows her to her locker where Maya grabs her checkbook and writes out the amount before she can talk herself out of it.

"What's your landlord's name?" She asks, realizing he still hasn't told her.

When he stays silent for a few seconds, she looks up and finds him staring at her. He doesn't drop eye contact this time. He intentionally holds it like he's trying to have one of those silent conversations again. There's a flickering connection there, like two wires that haven't been fused together properly, but desperately want to communicate. They're trying their best to make it work despite everything up against them, but they just aren't quite there. Not yet.

Mason blinks hard twice after he realizes he'll actually have to use his words. "Just like that? I show up out of the blue asking for help and you just agree?"

"I told you last time I saw you, I wanted to help."

"Yeah, but this is…I'm asking for way more than you thought you were agreeing to, I'm sure. What do you want in return? It can't be this easy. What's your angle here?" He's agitated now, letting himself get worked up by his paranoia.

Maya gets it. She's the same way. Even his slight raise in voice has her on edge and she has to bite her tongue not to instantly turn defense. It would be so easy. Instead she takes a slow breath and does her best to keep her emotions in check.

"Look, Mason…you don't trust me, I get that. It's fair and I don't expect you to. Honestly, I don't really trust you either…but I want to," she admits. "Despite all my doubts, despite all the distress signals going off in my brain--the same ones I'm sure are going off in yours too--I'm choosing to do this. We're never going to trust each other if we don't give each other reasons to. I know it's a lot and I know you hate asking, but when I said I wanted to help you I meant it. If this is how I do that, then I'm on board. I don't have an angle. I just want to help."

Mason chews on his lip while he lets his eyes bob between the floor, Maya's eyes and the door to Andy's bunk behind her. It's clear to see how hard this is for him. Their brains have been hardwired by their dad to never ask for help, to never accept help and to never admit to weakness. He's doing all three and even after so many years, it's impossible not to feel like they're disappointing their dad.

Eventually, he brings his eyes back to Maya's and holds them there. "Okay," he nods. There's more he wants to say, but he doesn't and Maya doesn't push. "Her name is Luciana Alvarez."

Maya finishes filling out the check and tears it out of the book. She hands it over in as fluid of a motion as possible, not wanting to appear to be hesitating even if her instincts are telling her to.

Mason takes the check cautiously and stares at it. "I'm going to pay you back," he says. "I swear I will. It might take a while, but I will."

"I don't need you to pay me back."

"Maya," he warns. This was going so well and he doesn't want it to transpire into a fight. "I'm not asking for a free handout. If that's what this is, then take it back."

He tries to hand the check back, but Maya won't take it.

"This isn't a free handout," Maya corrects. "I just meant, I don't need money back. You can pay me in a different way."

He eyes her curiously and asks, "what does that mean?"

She thinks about it for a moment, not really sure herself where she was going with this. She doesn't want him stressing about money while he's getting his life back on track, but she'd never expect him to just take her money and not give her something in return. That wouldn't be helping him.

"Dinner," she says suddenly. "My address is on the check, come over for dinner sometime. Let me cook for you. I'm not the best chef, but I have a few dishes up my sleeve. You can meet my roommates," she offers, ignoring the way her heart flutters at the thought of introducing her brother to Carina. "Or I can ask them not to be there if it's too much pressure. Whatever you want."

"Dinner?" He scoffs. "That's all you want? That doesn't hardly seem fair."

"What I want is my brother back and dinner is a start to that. I know it's been so long since we had any semblance of a relationship, but we've both changed so much since then. We're holding grudges against people we aren't anymore, and that isn't fair to either of us. I want us to try again. Maybe we won't ever be friends like before and siblings is all we'll ever be, but I want to try."

She bites her tongue before she can say she misses him. She has no idea what's gotten into her. This isn't the Maya Bishop she knows. She doesn't reveal her heart. She doesn't show weakness, but she can't help it right now. She doesn't hate it as much as she thought she would, but it still feels uncomfortable, so she leaves it at that.

"Dinner," he hums, looking down at the check again. "Yeah I guess I can swing that. I work a lot of nights, but we'll find a time that works."

"That sounds great, Mason."

Maya smiles at him and he actually offers a small smile in return. She knows it's all she'll get right now so she doesn't ask for more. She'll take whatever he's able to give.

Just then, the klaxons start ringing and dispatch is calling for their second engine.

"That's my cue, I have to go," she tells him, closing her locker and heading towards the stairs. She really needs to run to the barn, but she waits a few seconds so she can say a proper farewell. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

Mason nods, "yeah, all right." He hesitates and then adds, "be careful."

"I will."

She knows there's so much more to say, but she doesn't have time and besides, they've reached their limit for the day. They both need time to recharge and process what just transpired.

Unfortunately though, that time will have to come later for Maya. Right now, she has a fire to put out.

Maya is exhausted when she makes it back home the next day.

They got called to a structure fire at a, luckily, abandoned warehouse around 9:00pm that there was no way to save. So they had to monitor the fire until it burned itself out, which didn't happen until nearly 4:00am.

Maya hates having to let buildings burn. It feels like defeat. Luckily this time it was an abandoned building and not someone's home, those are always the worst. But having to stand by and just watch a building burn while knowing she can't do anything to save it makes her feel helpless.

Once it finally burned out, they were overhaul and had to give the place a thorough search to ensure another fire wouldn't start.

By the time they got back to the station and got everything cleaned up, the hoses rolled, and their equipment put away, their shift was past over so there was no time for a nap after not sleeping all night.

Maya just wants to go home, curl up with Whiskers and crash.

When she opens her front door though, there's Italian music playing loudly, and the smell of bacon frying, and something sweet and full of cinnamon that could only be french toast. That combined with Carina's laughter ringing out from the kitchen does wonders to lift Maya's mood. She's actually smiling as she sets her bag down by the door and wanders into the kitchen.

She finds Carina and Andrew dancing by the island. They're speaking in Italian and she's clearly trying to teach him some dance moves that he isn't understanding. Maya's only done a few Italian lessons on a free app while she's bored at the station, but she doesn't need to be fluent to understand what's going on.

"Ahia! Andrea!" Carina exclaims when he steps on her toes with his socked feet, but she's laughing instead of upset.

"Scusa, scusa," he laughs, staring at his feet and trying again.

They haven't noticed Maya yet, so she lets them keep on for a few more moments, not wanting to interrupt such a fun moment between them.

It's such a stark contrast to how Maya's interaction with her brother went yesterday. Carina and Andrew are laughing and smiling at each other. They're having a great time and dancing together without a care in the world. Maya and Mason don't even trust each other. Imagining the two of them dancing makes her want to laugh aloud. She's happy things are going so well for Carina and Andrew, but she also can't help but feel a little jealous.

She tries to ignore that jealousy and focus instead on how hopeful she feels about her relationship with Mason. They still have a long way to go, but today was a great first step. They just have to keep trying.

Eventually, Andrew steps on Carina's toes again and the way she scrunches up her face and curses, "merda," under her breath is too cute for Maya not to laugh.

They both turn to look at her and their faces light up.

"Maya! You're home!" Andrew says happily.

"Good morning, Maya," Carina says, much more calmly but still just as thrilled.

"Good morning," Maya says, stepping further into the room. "You're both in a good mood. What's the occasion?"

"Carina officially accepted an OB/GYN position at Grey-Sloan! She's staying in Seattle," Andrew tells her.

"That's great, congrats again!" Maya says.

"You already knew?" Andrew asks.

Maya doesn't know why she feels like she did something wrong and Andrew just caught her in a lie. Carina told her of her own volition. Maya didn't press for the information. She scrambles for what to say that doesn't sound guilty, but Carina steps in.

"I told Maya I was thinking about it the other night when I gave her stitches, but I told her I wanted to talk to you about it myself and asked her not to say anything," Carina explains casually. She walks back over to the stove and removes bacon from one of the pans.

"Oh okay," Andrew says, accepting the explanation like it's no big deal. "Isn't it great she's staying?" He asks Maya. "We haven't lived in the same city since we were kids."

"Yeah, it's really great." Maya smiles and tries not to seem too excited. She doesn't want to give herself away. "I told her she could stay here if she wants and you're okay with that. We can turn the office into an actual bedroom."

"You'd really be cool with her moving in for real?" He seems surprised by that, which gives Maya hope he hasn't caught onto the flirting. He also seems cautiously excited, like he enjoys the idea of his sister being so close. They've really reconnected the last couple months and it's been great for their relationship.

"Yeah, I mean if it's okay with both of you," Maya says. She looks over at Carina and sees her grinning as she sips her mimosa. "Besides, we're all so busy, it's not like any of us spend a ton of time here anyway. There's plenty of room," she says to justify the offer.

"Yeah, that would be awesome. You should totally take my room though," he tells Carina over his shoulder. "You have way more clothes. You need the closet space more," he jabs playfully.

"Says the man who just bought a whole new wardrobe so he looks nice for his crush," Carina throws back.

Andrew frowns as both Maya and Carina laugh. "I've changed my mind. I don't want you living here," he grumbles.

Carina walks over and puts a mimosa in his hand to cheer him up. "Too late, you're stuck with me."

Andrew tries to keep pouting, but Maya sees him stifle a smile as he brings his champagne flute to his lips. "I have to go call one of the interns to check on a patient, I'll be right back. Do not let the potatoes burn," he warns Carina, though she's a much more adept chef than he is.

"Okay, okay," Carina says, rolling her eyes and walking back towards the stove to check them again despite checking hardly a minute before. Once Andrew is gone, she looks over her shoulder at Maya, "since I am officially moving to America, he wanted to celebrate with an American breakfast."

Maya smiles and walks further into the kitchen, leaning against the island. "It's sweet he's this excited."

"It is. I didn't know if he would be," Carina muses. "I think he is mostly excited about this because it means my research is complete and he won't be so uncomfortable anymore."

Maya laughs, "yeah, that's definitely it."

Once Carina is satisfied the potatoes aren't going to burn, she lays the spatula by the stove and turns around to the bottles of champagne and orange juice on the island. She pours the most champagne heavy mimosa that Maya has ever seen and slides it across the counter towards her. "A peace offering."

Maya eyes her curiously, but takes the glass. She'll never turn down a mimosa. "I didn't realize we were fighting?"

"Well we aren't, but..." Carina shrugs, "I wanted to apologize for upsetting you the other night. I pushed you to talk about things when you didn't want to. I'm sorry."

Maya hums, buying herself a moment to think of what to say. She'd like to say she had moved on and it wasn't a big deal. She doesn't like to linger on things. Eyes forward and all that. But she finds it harder to not linger on everything when it comes to Carina.

Things haven't exactly been tense between them the past few days, but they haven't been normal. Granted they've both been so busy and have really only crossed paths a handful of times, but when they did it was very cordial and polite. The ease they've established previously was gone. Maya hated it.

"I know you meant well," Maya says finally. "I appreciate how much you care. I think we just process things differently and that's okay."

Carina hesitates and Maya knows she's biting her tongue. She wants to know what Carina is thinking, but Carina ends up not pushing it so neither will she.

"It is okay," she nods. "So we are good?" She gives Maya a hopeful smile.

"Yes, of course we're good," Maya smiles back before adding, "roommate."

"I like the sound of that," Carina winks. "So how was your shift? You are home late, yes?"

"A little bit, yeah," Maya says. "We had a late call, but it ended up okay so it was a good shift." She hesitates, not sure if she's ready to talk about Mason yet, but she wants to tell Carina. This is something she wants to share with her even if Maya doesn't know how she feels about it yet. "My brother came by the station."

Carina turns fully around, her eyes wide with shock, but also hopeful. "Really? Why?"

"He needed my help," Maya shrugs.

She's trying not to seem too happy her brother is struggling, but she really is happy he came to her when he needed help. It would've been so easy for him to fall back into bad habits, but instead he took the difficult step to seek help. Maya is proud of him.

"That's wonderful he came to see you," Carina says, a soft smile on her face. "Did it go well?"

"Yeah, it really did. It was tough at first, we don't really know how to talk to each other anymore," Maya admits. "But it was good. He agreed to have dinner with me sometime." Maya can't help but grin at that.

Carina steps forward and reaches across the island so she can grab Maya's hand and squeeze it tightly. "Maya, that's so wonderful. I'm so happy for you. He seems good?"

"He seems better, yeah," Maya says, staring down at where Carina is still holding her hand. She never wants her to let go. "He still has a ways to go, but he's trying."

"Trying is all you can ever do," Carina hums. She squeezes Maya's hand again and then goes back to the stove.

Andrew comes back into the kitchen a few moments later and shimmies up to Maya, still in such a good mood, likely because he's already had a couple mimosas, given the way his eyes shine.

"How awesome is this going to be? My two favorite people in the world and I get to live with them both. I'm so glad you guys became friends." He throws an arm around Maya's shoulder and pulls her into a side hug.

Maya's stomach twists. She's one of his favorite people in the world. And so is Carina. Not that she needed the reminder, but this just solidifies she can never be with Carina. It would break his heart. Nothing has ever even happened between them and she still feels so incredibly guilty.

She thinks she could throw up at the sad smile Carina gives her when she says, "yes, Maya is my friend."

Andrew is tipsy enough he doesn't catch onto the regret in that statement. He just continues sipping his mimosa and smiling.

Maya would hate herself forever if she ever did anything to take away that smile.

Maybe she can do this. Maybe she can be Carina's friend and her roommate and never anything more. That will make Andrew happy and seeing her brother so happy will surely make Carina happy, which will then make Maya happy. Maybe that will be enough.

But then while Andrew is distracted setting the table, Carina looks at Maya with the most wanting expression, like she's considering telling Andrew right then and there she has feelings for Maya, consequences be damned. Maya gives her a quick shake of her head, which makes Carina take a step back as though she's caught off guard. She probably didn't even know what her mouth was about to do without her brain's permission.

Carina sends Maya an apologetic smile and then turns back around to scoop the potatoes into a serving bowl and continue her breakfast prep.

As sick as Maya feels, her heart also clenches at seeing Carina sad. She never wants that. She only ever wants her to be happy, wants to be the one making her happy.

Yeah, there's no way this can possibly go well.

Chapter Text

Maya was never one to have breakfast in the mornings, whether it's a morning before work or a morning before a day off. She never really saw the point. It took too much time.

Sure, there were special occasions where she would have breakfast, when Travis wanted to cook at the station or after a particularly successful shift when Vic would invite Maya and Andy over for waffles. But in general, breakfast always just seemed like a waste of time and energy.

She was always partial to just a protein shake and maybe an energy bar in the mornings. She only needed something quick and on-the-go. If she was feeling particularly hungry one morning, she might also have toast and an apple, but that was rare.

However, since Carina has been staying with them, Maya has been bending her breakfast rule much more.

Carina is adamant about having a sit down breakfast most every morning. She only misses it if she has an early appointment at work, and even then she'll at least take the time to have cereal before she leaves, even if she eats it while standing at the kitchen counter.

Most mornings though, Carina cooks breakfast. It might be something as simple as scrambled eggs and fruit she bought from the farmers market around the block, or it might be something as elaborate as her special french toast recipe. (The one that made Maya unintentionally say aloud it was better than sex and Carina smirked at her like it was a challenge. Thank god Andrew was in his room for that interaction.)

Carina always makes enough for Andrew and Maya to join her. Maya didn't always partake much in the beginning, not wanting to intrude on their family time together. Andrew and Carina would speak almost exclusively in Italian about what they were working on that day and enjoy a nice, calm moment together before their hectic days at work got started. Maya would usually crack her bedroom door open so she could hear their voices carry upstairs. She had no idea what they were saying, but it made her heart happy to hear them so at ease with each other.

Andrew eventually convinced her to start joining them though, not wanting her to feel left out. Maya has to admit, it's been a really nice way to start her days lately. It gives her time to properly wake up and have a moment to breathe before she starts her 24 hour shifts or let's her pass some time on a day off before she struggles to figure out how to occupy the rest of the day. She enjoys listening to Andrew talk about his cases or Carina share stories from her travels around the world.

Maya never knew it was possible to have such lovely mornings around a kitchen table. Family meals at her house were nowhere near anything like this when she was a kid. They were either silent and charged or an interrogation about her training schedule and previous races.

Maybe that's why Maya used to avoid spending too much time at her kitchen table and even considered selling it before Andrew convinced her not to. Either way, she's come to love breakfast in the mornings with Carina and Andrew.

At least she did until this morning when Andrew asks Carina a question that shatters the happy little bubble Maya thought she was in.

"Carina, are you still going on your date tonight?" He asks casually in between bites of pancakes he helped his sister make.

Maya drops the fork she was holding and it clatters to the table. "Sorry, my hand cramped," she manages to mumble before her throat closes and she can barely breathe.

Andrew makes a joke about Maya being clumsy, but she barely hears it. Her eyes are locked on Carina, who's giving her a sympathetic look that feels like a dagger to her chest.

"Yes, I am," Carina says, a sad little half frown on her face before she turns back to Andrew. "How do you even know about that?"

"You know how news travels in that hospital. Nothing stays secret for too long."

"Except your secret girlfriend," Carina quips.

They devolve into exchanging teasing jabs, but Maya doesn't hear a word of it. Her mind just keeps replaying Carina saying, "yes I am," on a loop. It hurts her heart more and more every time she hears it.

She knows she has no right being upset about Carina going out with someone else when Maya is the one who shut down all possibilities of something happening between the two of them. Carina was ready to confront Andrew about the promise Maya made to him, but Maya stopped her. She could've just let her go through with it and maybe she'd be happily with Carina right now. Maybe Maya would be the only one Carina was going on dates with. Maybe Maya and Carina would be sharing breakfast in bed instead of at the table. But then maybe Andrew would've moved out and stopped speaking to her by now.

She doesn't know what hurts worse, the thought of never speaking to Andrew again or knowing Carina is going out on a date tonight. She just knows she doesn't want to figure it out. She isn't that much of a masochist.

Maya hears her pulse pounding in her ears. It makes her head ache with every single beat.

Carina has a date tonight.

Maya can't believe it. Well…actually she can. Carina is intelligent and kind and funny, not to mention drop dead gorgeous. Of course someone asked her out on a date. She probably has people lining up around the block to ask her out. Maya wants to be standing first in line and fight off anyone who tries to cut ahead, but she knows she can't.

Andrew pushes back from the table, his chair screeching against the wooden floor pulling Maya out of her head and back to the moment. She just catches on to the end of his sentence.

"…and then I'm helping Dr. Webber on a hernia repair, so I'll probably be home late."

Carina hums in acknowledgment, but she's too focused on Maya to say anything more. She's looking at Maya so cautiously, the closest to nervous Maya has ever seen her. Carina exudes confidence, it practically comes off her in visible waves, but she really might be nervous right now.

Maya doesn't know what to do with that. Obviously she knew Carina going out with someone else was a possibility when Maya put a stop to anything happening between them. She didn't expect Carina to just sit around and wait for her to maybe change her mind one day.

But it still stings.

It makes her uncomfortable to imagine Carina out with someone else, laughing and smiling and holding their hand. She doesn't even let herself imagine anything beyond that. It might make her sick.

Maya drops her eyes from Carina. She needs to look literally anywhere else for a moment to give her a chance to breathe.

"Looks like you'll be on your own for dinner, Maya," Andrew says. He's standing at the counter, pouring himself another cup of coffee. "Do you even remember how to cook for yourself after living with Carina this long?"

He means it as a joke, Maya knows, and given any other circumstances, she would be laughing because he's right. Maya is capable of cooking, but she finds it time consuming and annoying. She's more inclined to order takeout than to cook for herself 9 times out of 10. Having Carina living here has been a dream for several reasons, but especially because Maya hasn't had to cook a thing for nearly two months and she's saved a small fortune by not having to order takeout as much.

Normally, Maya would laugh. Today though, the comment just annoys her.

She doesn't want Andrew to be suspicious though, so she forces a quick laugh she hopes doesn't sound fake and says, "I still remember."

Andrew shoots her a curious look, like he can sense the shift in her mood and is about to ask what's wrong. Maya feels panic rise in the back of her throat like he's about to figure it all out and she blurts out something to make him stop.

"I'm going to go out and get a drink tonight though, so I won't be home anyway."

Maya has no idea where that came from. It's Wednesday. It's her usual night to go out, so it's not like it's weird to say she is. She hasn't gone out on a Wednesday once since Carina came to town, though. She's never even considered it. So she doesn't know why that so quickly jumped to her mind before she could even think twice about it.

It's probably because Carina has a date. If she's going out with someone, then Maya should too. Maybe if they're both out with other people, they'll start to move on from this forbidden thing between them.

Right?

"Oh sweet! I've missed judging your hookups the morning after, it's been awhile. Try to bring home someone really odd this time," Andrew teases, his face lit up.

"Anything for you," Maya says with her best attempt at a smirk.

Just then, Andrew's phone chimes and after a quick glance at the screen, he pushes himself off the counter.

"That's my cue to go." He grabs him back off the kitchen island as he heads towards the front door, walking backwards as he speaks. "You both enjoy your nights out. Ciao!" He sends them a quick wave and then he's gone.

And Maya is alone with Carina.

Maya considers hiding under the table and acting like none of this ever happened.

Carina won't let her get away with that, though.

"Maya, about tonight," she starts.

"It's fine," Maya jumps in. "It's not a big deal. You're allowed to date other people."

"I know I am," Carina says matter of factly. "But I want you to know, I wasn't trying to hide it from you. This isn't a big deal. Beatriz is a scrub nurse at the hospital. We've run into each other getting coffee a few times, so she asked me to get a drink. It's nothing serious."

"You don't have to explain it to me."

"I know I don't have to. I'm explaining because I want to. I want to be honest with you."

"I appreciate that," Maya says honestly.

And she really does mean that. Carina has no obligation to tell her about this. Sure, they're friends, but Carina doesn't owe Maya anything. She could've gone on her date and never said anything. Maya would've never known.

Maya thinks it's better this way. Selfishly, of course, she wishes Carina weren't going on a date. But knowing she is means Carina is starting to move on. That means Maya can start too.

Starting tonight, she will.

"And you're going out too?"

Maya can't decipher Carina's tone. Her nervous energy is gone and she's masking any emotion she's feeling perfectly. Her expression is expertly neutral.

Maya just wants to know what Carina is really thinking right now, but she doesn't think it's very fair to ask.

"Uh yeah…it's just something I used to do on Wednesdays as a little stress relief," Maya admits.

"That's good. Self care is important." Carina hums and then stands up from the table. "Are you finished?" She asks, reaching for Maya's plate. She takes it when Maya nods.

"You don't have to clean up, you cooked. I can do that."

"It's fine," Carina dismisses, already setting the plates by the edge of the sink. She turns on the water and reaches for a sponge.

Maya thinks Carina is upset, but she isn't sure if she wants to push her on it. They've already dealt with pushing boundaries when the other didn't want to talk and they barely avoided that becoming a major issue between them. She doesn't think she wants to risk asking her anything further, but she also doesn't like just leaving things the way they are right now. Maya feels on edge and she doesn't like it.

Carina always seems to be a step ahead of her, though. She doesn't turn around from washing the dishes, but she does speak up.

"I think this is good for us," Carina says. "Going out with other people, I mean."

Maya doesn't want to admit it, but she's right. It could help them get over whatever this thing is between them. As impossible as it feels to get over Carina sometimes, she'll never know if she's capable of it if she doesn't actually try.

"Yeah, I think so too," Maya agrees. She watches Carina a moment before she stands up and walks towards the sink. "Let me help dry those."

"Thank you," Carina sighs as she hands a clean plate to Maya.

They work in silence for a couple minutes. Carina cleans the dishes thoroughly and Maya takes her time drying them, keeping her hands occupied and eyes focused so she isn't tempted to look over at Carina.

Eventually though, there are no more dirty dishes. With the distraction gone, they both chance a look at each other. Maya can tell there are so many unspoken words hidden behind Carina's eyes and Maya knows she has several of her own, but those things are better left unsaid. They have to be.

"I should get to work," Carina says instead.

"Yeah, wouldn't want those babies being born without you," Maya says, cringing at the terribly lame joke.

It makes Carina smile, though so it must be okay. "I will see you later?"

Maya wishes she knew exactly when 'later' would be, but she knows she needs to get used to maybe not seeing Carina quite as much if they're both going to start dating. She just has to find a way to be okay with that, even if she doesn't want to be.

"Yeah, I'll see you later." She chews on the inside of her lip for a moment before she adds, "have fun tonight," in as convincing of a voice as she can manage.

Carina gives her a tight smile. "Thank you. I hope you have fun too."

Carina reaches out and gives Maya's shoulder a squeeze before she pushes herself away from the counter. Maya listens as Carina grabs her bag from the island and heads out the front door. She doesn't let herself turn around until the door is closed, not wanting to make herself watch Carina leave.

Maya lets out a shaky breath once she's alone. She tries to convince herself this is a good thing. Theoretically, it should be. This is a big step on the path to getting back to normal. Maya let Carina come in and totally shake things up for her and she's let it go on for far too long. She should've put a full stop to things weeks ago, but better late than never she supposes.

This will be good for her.

This will be good for Carina.

Right?

It's been so long since Maya has had a night out to herself that she almost forgets how to pick someone up. It shouldn't be that difficult, really. She looks hot tonight and she knows it. She has on her tightest black jeans a white tank top that's impossibly low cut. She even pulled out her red lipstick just for good measure.

Realistically, she shouldn't even need to put in that much of an effort to have hook up options. In practice though, she just isn't impressed with anyone. She's had a few people evidently express interest, but Maya has shot them down with a look before they've even fully approached her.

There was a guy she heard speaking to his friends with a Latin accent who tried to catch her eye as soon as she stepped up to the bar, but Maya turned away from him as soon as he started to take a step towards her. He got the hint and she heard his friends tease him about it.

There was a woman with wavy brown hair and deep brown eyes she spotted from across the bar. She looked at Maya with a smirk on her face and nodded her over, but Maya shook her head and dropped eye contact. The next time Maya looked over, she was already flirting with another girl.

More recently, one of the bartenders had tried to flirt with her. She's tall and skinny, with long legs and brown hair tied up in a messy bun. She exudes confidence and has every bar patron wrapped around her finger. Everyone except Maya, that is. When she tried to give Maya a free drink, Maya insisted on paying, sliding a few bills across the bar and ignoring the bartender insisting it was on the house. She hasn't been back over to refresh Maya's drink since, instead letting the other guy handle it.

All of them are attractive and clearly interested. They would serve their purpose of being a fun one night stand perfectly. Any other night and Maya would've already been back at her apartment with one of them. Maybe even with the bartender and the girl across the bar together if she was really wanting to show her prowess.

There's something about all three of them that just isn't doing it for her tonight. She isn't sure what it is until a guy slides up next to her and she realizes he's the first person all night she actually might be interested in.

All three of those people reminded her of Carina in some way. They had the same hair color or a similar accent or the same brand of confidence. They hit too close to home. If Maya is going to try and get over Carina, she can't do that with someone who reminds her of Carina.

This guy standing next to her now though, he's different in every way. He's tall, very tall. He's very fit, his chest and arm muscles toned enough Maya figures he must be a personal trainer or else just has a premium gym membership. He has short, cropped blonde hair and green eyes that are actually very pretty for such a tough looking guy.

He's attractive, sure, but it's the fact he's so different from Carina that has Maya giving him her most seductive look, letting her eyes do that sparkly thing that always reels in whoever she aims them at.

"Can I buy you a drink?" He asks in a deep, yet gentle voice. He gives Maya a hopeful, boyish grin.

Maya almost feels a little bad she's about to use this guy. He seems nice.

"I already have a drink," Maya smirks back at him, bringing up her still half full glass for a sip.

"Well then, can I keep you company until you're ready for another one? Then you can decide if I can pay for that one or not," he suggests.

"I suppose that would be okay," she hums.

Maya watches as his eyes dart down to her mouth for a second before he looks back up at her eyes. She knows she has him right where she wants him.

"My name is Nick." He actually holds out his hand for her to shake.

Maya is amused by how polite he's being. She really thinks it's genuine. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn't really be into his boyish charm. He's sweet, sure, but Maya typically goes after people with a little more fire. She thinks she needs someone on the tamer side for this, though. She needs someone who will let her take the lead and get out of this what she needs.

One night with her will more than make up for the fact she's just using him to forget about someone else. She's sure he won't mind.

"I'm Maya." She reaches out and shakes his hand, letting him hold onto her hand for a few extra seconds before he drops it.

"That's a really pretty name," he smiles. "So what is it you do, Maya?"

"I'm a firefighter."

Maya's shoulders push back a little, pride filling her chest like it always does when she talks about her profession.

"No kidding? That's awesome," he nods his head, genuinely impressed. "I always thought I wanted to be a firefighter as a kid until I realized you have to actually run towards the fire. That fear ended any possible career down that path."

"The fact we're literally called 'firefighters' didn't give it away?"

"I was like 6, I clearly didn't have a great understanding of the world at that point," he laughs, shrugging his shoulders.

"I guess that's a good enough excuse," she teases. "What about you? Since firefighting didn't work out, what do you do instead?"

"I own a gym," he says.

Maya bites her tongue to stop from smirking, proud of herself for getting that one right.

They talk for the next 15 minutes about their individual training programs, which to anyone else would probably seem dull, but considering it's literally his job and Maya has always prided herself on staying in peak physical condition, it's actually a very animated conversation.

It's probably the only topic of conversation that could keep Maya's focus from drifting. She keeps wanting to think about Carina. Where is she right now? What is she doing? Is she having a good time? Is she thinking about Maya too?

That last one makes her stop her spiral of thoughts. She doesn't want to know the answer to that one. Because either answer would hurt too much, just for different reasons.

Maya takes the final sip of her drink and Nick starts to flag down the bartender to order her another one, but Maya reaches out and grabs his hand before he can get their attention.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Maya asks.

Nick looks surprised, but not uninterested. He's a little shocked Maya is moving this along so quickly, but it's something he very much wants considering his eyes give Maya a quick once over. His pupils are more dilated as he locks eyes with her again.

"Yeah? You sure?" He asks.

Maya appreciates he's checking for consent, but honestly she just wants to get him home. He's the perfect distraction and the sooner she's distracted, the better.

"Yes, I'm sure. Want to come back to my place?" She drops her voice to that low, slow tone that always works for her.

This time is no different.

Nick nods enthusiastically, but not overly so. It's endearing, honestly. He's cute and charming, and if she weren't so hung up on someone else, she might be willing to have a brief fling with him instead of just the one night stand she's planning.

"Yeah, I definitely do," he says.

"Then let's go," Maya grins.

She adjusts her hold on his hand so their fingers are intertwined and leads him out of the bar.

++++++++

Maya was actually looking forward to her night with Nick. It's been way too long since she's had sex and she hadn't realized how much her body had been craving it until she felt Nick's hand laid on the inside of her thigh on the Uber ride back to her place. She needs this.

But she's honestly wishing for a time machine so she can undo this entire evening the moment she pushes her front door open and hears Andrew and Carina's voices from the kitchen.

Fuck.

Neither of them were supposed to be here. It's still relatively early in the night, so she figured Carina would still be out on her date and Andrew should still be in surgery.

Maya turns around and is about to shove Nick back outside and suggest they go to his place instead when she hears Andrew call her name.

"Maya, is that you?" Andrew asks.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This can't be happening.

It is though, and Maya can't figure a way out of it. All she wanted out of tonight was to have mindless sex with someone she'll never see again so she can finally get back to the old Maya Bishop ways. She wasn't supposed to introduce that hook up to her roommates.

She definitely wasn't supposed to introduce the person she's using to get over Carina with to Carina. She curses herself for suggesting they come back here at all and even taking this risk. On some deep level, she wonders if maybe her brain did this on purpose to sabotage the night, but she doesn't have the capacity to think that one through thoroughly right now.

"Who is that?" Nick whispers to her. "You don't have a boyfriend who's about to try and kick my ass, right?" His tone is teasing, but there's a nervous undercurrent to it.

"No, it's my roommate. I thought they'd still be out."

Maya makes a split second decision and takes Nick's hand, pulling him towards the kitchen. Andrew seeing her with someone else will hopefully keep any suspicion off her and Carina. Not that she thinks he has any. He's so distracted with work lately that he hasn't caught onto anything, but introducing him to Nick might at least solidify that lack of concern.

Introducing Nick to Carina, well…maybe that will help them both move on. Carina had a date tonight. Maya will hopefully have a one night stand. They're both taking steps to get over each other. This can only help, right?

She's about to find out.

Maya steps into the kitchen and sees Carina sitting cross legged on the island and Andrew seated in one of the chairs beside her. There's a take out box on the island between them that looks like it holds a slice of cheesecake. They're both holding forks and are smiling brightly. Well, at least they both were smiling. Carina's slips when she notices Maya isn't alone.

"You're both home earlier than I thought," Maya says, swallowing hard and trying her best to seem like none of this is bothering her.

"My surgery got pushed until tomorrow and Carina's date was a dud," Andrew explains, taking another bite of cheesecake.

"Stop it, I did not say it like that," Carina chastises him, smacking his shoulder playfully.

Carina's eyes find Maya's and Maya can't for the life of her figure out what her expression means. When Carina's eyes flick over to Nick, Maya looks back at Andrew instead.

"Who's your friend?" Andrew asks, pointing at Nick with his fork.

"I'm Nick," he says before Maya can say anything. He steps forward and shakes Andrew's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Nick. I'm Andrew," he says.

Nick reaches to shake Carina's hand and Maya holds her breath. This is so not where she saw this night going.

Carina looks at his hand for a split second, just a moment of hesitation that Maya knows she's the only one who picks up on. Then Carina shakes his hand as well.

"I'm Carina," she says with a kind smile.

"Lieto di conoscerti," Nick says with that charming smile he has that probably makes most girls swoon.

Carina's eyes light up. "You speak Italian?"

"Barely," Nick laughs. "I spent a summer backpacking through Europe after college and learned enough phrases to get by in all the countries. Italy was my favorite place I visited, though. I'd love to go back."

"It's a beautiful country," Carina hums.

This is so weird. Maya can't believe this is happening. Not only did she have to introduce them, but now they're getting along? It's casual, meaningless conversation, sure, but it's way more than Maya bargained for when she invited Nick back here.

Maya can feel her resolve dwindling. She thought getting back into her Wednesday night self care routine would be a good thing. It's supposed to be a good thing, but she's starting to wish she didn't even go out tonight.

"We're going to go upstairs now," Maya says, reaching for Nick's hand and pulling him away before any conversation can continue.

"It was really nice meeting you both," Nick says, giving them a small wave.

"You too, man," Andrew says.

"Ciao," Carina says and then goes back to the cheesecake.

Maya tugs on Nick's hand and leads him towards the stairs, avoiding making eye contact with either of her roommates. This is just too strange. She definitely didn't bargain for any of this.

"They seem really nice," Nick says softly as they walk up the stairs.

"Yeah, they're great," Maya replies.

"Are they together?"

Maya huffs out a laugh. "No, they're siblings."

"Oh really? Andrew didn't have an accent, so I didn't even think of that."

She pushes open her bedroom door and pulls Nick towards her immediately. She doesn't want to keep talking to him about Andrew and Carina. Focusing on them completely defeats the purpose of tonight. This is supposed to be a distraction. There's still time to salvage that.

He lets out a little surprised gasp that Maya is once again being so forward, but he recovers quickly. He kisses her back just as fiercely, but his hands are gentle as they land on her hips and pull her in.

Maya squeezes her eyes closed and tries so desperately to focus on this moment, to keep her mind present here and not downstairs in the kitchen. She can do this.

She makes herself take note of all the things happening in this moment to focus.

Nick is a good kisser, like really good. He has a little bit of stubble on his chin that scratches Maya's skin, but she kind of likes it. His hands become a little more persistent as he slides one around to the small of her back and the other a little lower, right along the top of her ass. His tongue is warm as it slips into her mouth. His breath stutters as Maya works a hand underneath his shirt and scratches her nails lightly across his abs.

This is okay. This is more than okay. Maya can feel herself getting worked up just like she wanted. Her breath is becoming a little more shallow and her heart is pounding. She feels a warmth low in her stomach that spreads through her whole body. She's enjoying this.

Maya starts to step backwards, pulling Nick with her towards the bed. They kick their shoes off on the way and Maya's fingers start working under the hem of Nick's shirt, pulling upwards. He helps her remove his shirt and then he brings his lips to kiss her neck and Maya gasps.

"You are so beautiful," Nick whispers against her neck.

Something about the way he says that shocks Maya. She's suddenly transported to that night several weeks ago when Carina told her, "it is because you are so beautiful." She remembers later that night standing in this very room with Carina, opening up to her about Mason and about to risk it all.

Maya's heart skips a beat and it isn't because Nick has started pulling her shirt off and the cool air hits her bare stomach. It's because suddenly all she's capable of thinking about is Carina.

Suddenly, Nick's hands feel too big on her back, too calloused. The stubble on his chin hurts where it scratches against her collar bone. He's too tall and Maya has to tilt her head up too far to be able to kiss him as his lips find hers again. His cologne is too strong and it stings Maya's nose.

Suddenly, this is all wrong.

Because Nick isn't Carina.

Just as Maya's calves hit the end of her bed, she jerks away.

"Stop," she whispers, stepping to the side and out of Nick's reach.

He looks dazed as he blinks his eyes open and finds her across the room. "Are you okay?" He asks, voice filled with concern. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, no, you didn't do anything. You're fine, it's just…" Maya takes a moment to catch her breath.

She looks at Nick and she can't deny she likes what she sees. Even now, when her brain wants nothing more than to think about Carina, she isn't blind. Nick is standing in front of her shirtless and eyes full of desire for only Maya. She's attracted to him and she wants to get him into her bed, but she can't. She isn't doing this for the right reasons and that isn't fair to him. He deserves her full attention, not her closing her eyes and imagining him as someone else like Maya is worried would happen if this continues.

"I can't do this," Maya tells him.

Nick's face scrunches in confusion, but he nods like he isn't going to fight her on this. "That's okay, we don't have to. Are you okay though? I thought you were into this. I'm sorry if I did something wrong."

Maya feels like such a jerk. Nick is nice and sweet and understanding. He's more concerned with making sure Maya is okay than he is disappointed that Maya has been leading him on.

"You didn't do anything wrong, I promise," she tells him again. "You've been great, I like you. I just can't do this tonight."

She feels like she owes him more of an explanation, but she doesn't think she's ready for that. She doesn't even want to explain it to herself, let alone someone else.

"That's okay," Nick says. He reaches down and picks Maya's shirt off the floor, then takes a cautious step towards her and hands it to her at an arm's length. He steps back afterward and picks up his shirt as well. "It's okay, I'll just go."

"I'm really sorry," Maya says, crossing her arms tightly across her chest.

"You don't have to apologize, it's okay," he assures her as he tugs his shirt over his head. He finds his shoes and slips them on.

Maya pulls her shirt back on and takes a moment to breathe as he buckles his belt. She's glad he's being so understanding of this. She wouldn't have wanted to deal with some asshole not accepting 'no'. But something about how considerate he's being just makes her feel more guilty. He's a good guy and doesn't deserve Maya trying to use him to get over her own shit.

"I'm going to get out of here, all right?" Nick looks a little disappointed, but he mostly seems completely accepting of how this night ended up. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. "If you ever decide you want to hang out again, my cell number is on my card." He flashes a business card for his gym and then sets it on the end of her bed. "I'll see you around maybe?"

"Yeah, I'll see you," Maya nods, hoping that's true.

She truly would like to get to know him better, properly next time. She just isn't there yet. If only she had figured that out before she brought him home.

Nick flashes her a smile and then makes his way out of the room, closing the door behind him. Maya hears his footsteps shuffling down the stairs and then muffled voices for a minute before the front door opens and closes.

Maya walks over and falls back on her bed, letting out the biggest sigh she thinks she's ever experienced in her life.

She's such a fucking mess.

Nick is a perfectly nice guy and he'd been so polite to her all night. They were clearly attracted to each other and got along well in their brief time together. Maya really wanted to make things work with him.

But she just couldn't.

Maybe she isn't as ready to move past Carina as she thought.

There's a knock at Maya's bedroom door and her head shoots up. Her heart flips over at the thought it might be Carina.

"Maya, can I come in?" Calls Andrew from the other side.

It's probably for the best that it isn't Carina.

"Yeah," Maya replies, sitting up as Andrew pushes open the door.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" Andrew asked, voice laced with concern.

"What? No, he didn't hurt me. I'm fine."

"Well I've never known you to kick someone out until the morning after, so I just wanted to make sure. He was a big dude, but I'd still kick his ass if I needed to." He pauses for a moment and then adds, "well, I'd at least try to kick his ass. He was pretty ripped." Andrew crosses his arms tightly to try and show off what muscles he has.

Maya manages a genuine laugh and it makes her feel better. She can always count on Andrew to cheer her up.

"No, you don't need to try and kick his ass," she sighs. "Was he weird when he left?"

"Not at all. He was actually really nice. He told me if I ever wanted to work out at his gym, he'd give me the first week for free." He walks into the room and uses his gentle, calming voice he pulls out anytime he can tell Maya has a lot going on in her head. "Is everything okay? He seemed pretty cool and it looked like you were into him earlier."

Maya shakes her head. She has no idea how to answer that, knows even if she did she couldn't do it honestly without blabbing about her feelings for Carina.

Well…maybe she could just tell him? Right here, right now while he's already feeling sorry for her. He seems in a much more forgiving mood tonight. He's got to share cheesecake--his favorite dessert--and laughter with Carina earlier so he was in a good mood. Maybe this is as good a time as any?

Maya can't bring herself to form the words, though. Suddenly, any of the words she would need in order to say what she wants to about Carina flee her brain exactly when she needs them most. She takes it as a sign she should just keep her mouth shut.

"Yeah, he was great," she says instead. "I liked him, I just think I'm getting a migraine."

Andrew hums like he doesn't quite believe her and Maya is struck by how similar a move that is to the one she's geard Carina give her before. They're more alike than either of them will ever admit.

Also just like Carina, he doesn't push her on it even though he has doubts.

"Want me to bring you some acetaminophen?" He asks instead.

"No, that's okay. I'm going to change into some pajamas and then I'll go get some myself. Thank you, though."

"All right, well I'm going to head to bed. I'm going to work early tomorrow. I hope your migraine goes away with some sleep." He walks forward and leans down to kiss the top of Maya's head. He rubs her shoulder too and then starts back towards the door.

He's always so good at being soft with her exactly when she needs him to be. It took Maya a little while to get used to. Soft isn't really something she does, but she has to admit it's really nice being cared for and Andrew is the best at caring for his friends.

He's just about to close the door when Maya thinks of something.

"Hey, Drew. Did you think of a nickname for Nick?"

He stops and turns around with a knowing grin. "He was just too nice, I'd feel bad giving him a nickname."

"Bullshit," Maya laughs. "You thought Pre-Balding Prince William was nice too and you still gave him a nickname."

"Hey, that one was accurate!" He teases and then thinks for a moment. "Okay, what about Crossfit Junkie Anonymous Counselor? Wait, no. That doesn't really roll off the tongue. Uhm…Mr. Always Skips Leg Day?"

"I don't know, his legs were pretty sexy," Maya says, knowing it'll earn her an eye roll.

She's rewarded with just that and it makes her smile.

"Gross," he deadpans. "Hmm…Oh! I've got it. Off Brand John Cena. That's it, that's the one." He fist pumps triumphantly.

Maya laughs and she's grateful for the way it soothes her aching chest. She's glad she didn't tell him about Carina. She could never risk losing this feeling.

"There you go, that's a good one," Maya says.

"I've still got it," he says with a wink. "On that note, goodnight."

"Night," she replies as he closes the door.

Maya rises from the bed and goes into the bathroom so she can wash the makeup off her face. It ended up being wasted effort even putting it on, but it felt nice to try and get back into her normal rhythm. Tonight might have been a bust in the end, but she needed to start somewhere. It'll get easier from here on out.

She changes her clothes and brushes out her hair, tying it up onto a loose ponytail. She's about to just go to bed, but realizes she actually does think she's getting a headache, so she heads downstairs to get some medicine and a glass of water.

There's still a light on in the living room when she walks in and she's surprised to see Carina curled up on one of the chairs reading a book. She thought she had already gone to bed. Maya didn't think she would need to be prepared to see Carina, but here she is.

"Oh, you're still up," Maya says before she continues into the kitchen.

Carina looks so soft and sleepy in her spot on the chair. She's so cute and Maya can't bring herself to stand there and look at her when she's like this so she busies herself with getting a glass of water.

"I'm about to go to sleep. I just wanted to relax for a moment," Carina says. "And I was also hoping you might come back down."

Maya feels her stomach drop. She's trying so hard to move on from this, but all it takes is Carina to say something like that and it sends her heart racing.

"So how was your date?" Maya asks, ignoring what Carina had said.

Carina gives her that damned knowing hum she and Andrew share and closes the book she's reading.

Andrew said earlier the date was a dud, but Carina's reaction had made it seem like he was being dramatic. Carina was home much earlier than Maya was expecting though, so maybe he was telling the truth. Maya spent way too much time tonight thinking about how Carina's date was going. Even though she doesn't know if she really wants to hear about it, she has to know.

"It was fine. She was very nice, I just didn't feel a spark. I think we are better as work friends," Carina says as she stands up from the chair and walks into the kitchen. "How was your night? Mick seemed nice."

"Nick," Maya corrects.

"Right," Carina sighs with a smirk that tells Maya she messed up his name on purpose.

Maya rolls her eyes and smiles. "He was nice. I just didn't…" She trails off, trying to find the words.

"Feel a spark?" Carina offers.

"Yeah," Maya agrees with a nod. "I didn't feel a spark."

Maya knows exactly what a spark feels like. She feels a whole damned fireworks show in her chest every time she looks at Carina. She knows what it's supposed to feel like when there's a real connection. She might have felt the dimmest flicker of something with Nick, but she couldn't get over herself long enough to see if it would catch fire.

"Sparks are rare. You have to enjoy it when you find them."

It's such a loaded thing for Carina to say. Maya knows exactly what she means by that. She still thinks it's silly they aren't acting on their feelings. As much as she says she understands Maya not wanting to upset Andrew, Maya knows Carina still wishes they would take that chance. Maya does too, but she can't let herself cross that line.

"Sometimes, yeah," Maya says.

Carina chews her bottom lip and tries not to look disappointed.

"I'm sorry for bringing him home while you and Andrew were here. I didn't think anyone would be home," Maya says.

She knows it isn't something she really needs to apologize for. She used to do it when it was only Maya and Andrew living here all the time. Andrew did sometimes too. They're both adults and there's no shame in them dating. They followed Maya's rule and kept things to their bedrooms, so there was never an issue.

Tonight felt different, though. She felt uneasy bringing Nick home while Carina and Andrew were here, but maybe she also just felt uneasy bringing him home at all. A big reason why she felt weird about it is Carina and Maya knows it even if she doesn't want to admit it.

She didn't plan on bringing a potential hookup home to meet the person she's currently into. She wasn't trying to make Carina jealous. She's felt that emotion for the first time ever and she wouldn't wish it on anyone. Maya was just trying to follow her own rule of not hooking up with Carina, so she tried to hook up with someone else instead.

It just didn't work.

Maybe next time.

"You don't have to apologize for that. This is your home. You can see whoever you want and bring them here," Carina tells her. There's a slight edge in her voice, but she's being genuine. She hesitates, but then adds, "I'm a little glad nothing happened with him, though."

Maya can't fight the smile that works its way across her lips. She may not have wanted to make Carina jealous, but she clearly did. Maya doesn't feel as bad admitting to her jealousy either.

"I'm also a little glad your date was a bust," she admits.

Carina's laugh sounds like music and Maya wants to put it on replay.

As her laugh fades away, they lock eyes and it becomes charged in an instant. It isn't quite as heavy as it usually is, though. The interest is still there, but they're both trying hard to move past it. They might have failed in moving on so far, but they're still going to try. The thought of more trying makes Maya's chest feel tight, but she knows it's necessary. Even if she doesn't like it.

"There will be more dates," Carina says honestly.

Maya nods, knowing she has to accept that. "For me too."

Carina gives her a sad smile. She looks tired in an instant and she confirms that by saying, "I think I'm going to sleep now. I will see you in the morning before work?"

Maya smiles, already looking forward to the next time she'll get to see Carina. "Yes, I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight."

"Buona notte, Maya."

Carina makes her way out of the kitchen and down the hall. As soon as Maya hears the door click, her shoulders slump.

It's exhausting making herself be so strong about this. She knows it's what she has to do, and it's her own choice, but she's still tired. She tells herself this will get easier. Tonight was just the first night of really trying to move on. She'll try again.

Carina will also try again. She probably has half the hospital waiting to ask her out on a date and she's going to say yes to at least some of them. Maya will have to hear about those dates and she's going to have to force herself to sound supportive.

Maya's headache goes from a dull ache to a sharp pain.

She can't think about Carina going out on dates right now. Tonight, she just wants to take something for her headache and fall asleep as soon as she can. Hopefully she'll be able to sleep away this mess of a night.

Chapter Text

Carina living with them full time isn't that much different than when it was just temporary. She still cooks just as much, still forgets to clean up all her messes no matter how much Maya and Andrew ask her to, still plays Italian music while she gets ready in the morning, still takes showers that are too long.

The only real difference is she lives downstairs in Andrew's old room now and he took the office upstairs. Maya sold the old desk that was in the office that she never used along with the futon Carina had been sleeping on. Andrew and Carina split the cost of a new bed for him since she took his. He buys contraptions to help maximize his limited closet space, but in the end it isn't quite enough (because he has more clothes than he's willing to admit), so Maya makes some room at the back of her vast closet for some of the more seasonal things he doesn't wear often.

There's a voice shouting in Maya's head that this is too much, that her space is being taken up and she doesn't like it even though there's no reason she shouldn't. His clothes in the back of her closet don't burden her in any way. It's not like she's hurting at all for closet space.

So she tells herself she's fine. This isn't a big deal, everything is okay. It's just an adjustment and soon she'll get over it. Andrew is happy. Carina is happy. Everyone's happy. It's fine. Maya really believes that deep down even though her instincts are saying otherwise, but she's trying to grow so she keeps telling herself it's okay until she starts to believe it.

The best part of the arrangement is the fact there's now more distance between Maya's room and Carina's. Before when she was right across the hall, Maya would sometimes lie awake at night fighting the urge to cross the hall and give into the temptation. Andrew was always fast asleep downstairs or at the hospital, so how would he ever know? But now, Andrew is the one across the hall and maybe he would hear her. Now there's a whole floor separating her from Carina and even though it's really not that much added distance in the grand scheme of things, it would require more effort to pay her a late night visit, which means more time to talk herself out of it.

It shouldn't really matter that much, but it helps.

Three weeks into their new living arrangements, they've all settled in and everything is going well. Now that Carina is working as an OB, her schedule is a little more unpredictable as opposed to her regular research hours. Some mornings she will be gone before Maya and Andrew get up, called away to an early morning delivery. Once she even gets a call just as they've sat down for dinner and she has to rush back to the hospital. She's more tired than before, but she's enjoying it. She loves telling Maya all about the deliveries, either over a glass of wine at dinner or through texts during the day. Maya could listen to her talk or hear her voice in her head as she reads her texts for hours on end.

Honestly, Maya has no complaints about their new setup. She's even come around to having Andrew's clothes in her closet or the little messes Carina leaves behind. She and Andrew have both come to accept what he calls Carina's 'vagina art' and agree to a few pieces being displayed in the living room as long as the rest stay in Carina's room. Maya is slowly learning Italian and Carina is picking up firefighting lingo. Andrew's initial distrust of Carina's concern has all but faded and Carina has started to give him a little more space even though her instinct is to hover and protect him.

They're all adjusting and learning together how to make their new arrangement work.

Everything actually did turn out fine.

Andrew gets really busy at work and isn't home as much. He's in the running for Chief Resident so he takes every available on call shift and basically lives at the hospital. Maya goes a whole week without seeing him once, not even in the ER.

She's proud of him for working so hard, but she's worried about him too. She doesn't want him to get burned out. Carina says she's checking on him as discreetly as possible and she thinks he's okay, but Maya is still a little worried. Plus honestly, she really misses her friend.

So she texts him and asks if he wants to get lunch with her on her next off day. She even offers to have it at the little café right around the block from the hospital. The place isn't even that good, but she wants to get him out of that damn building and hopes that if they stay so close by, he might actually agree.

He does agree, enthusiastically with too many exclamation points and emojis. He's clearly missed her just as much.

But as much as he missed her, Maya is pretty sure he's standing her up when she waits for 10 minutes in the lobby and he still isn't here. She's called and texted, but it's to no avail. She knows deep down it probably isn't intentional, he just got busy and forgot, but she still feels rejected and it hurts.

She's debating whether it would be too much to have one of the nurses at the front desk page him when she hears Carina call her name from the other side of the waiting area.

"Maya, what are you doing here?" Carina asks, pleasantly surprised to see her.

Maya turns and feels a surge of warmth flood through her chest when she sees Carina. It's the first time Maya's seen Carina at work since she took the OB position so she's never seen her decked out in pink scrubs before. Carina is usually wearing dress pants, blouses and heels, which of course always makes her look gorgeous, but this look is something else entirely. The light color compliments her skin tone perfectly and makes her seem so soft and warm. Maya just wants to hug her. She has her white coat over her scrubs, her hands pushed casually into her pockets. Her hair, usually flowing in soft waves past her shoulders, is pinned up in two braids along either side of her head and twisted into a tight bun at the back. Maya's never realized how cute Carina's ears are before now.

God, she's such a sucker. Old Maya would make so much fun of New Maya.

"Hey, yeah I uh…" she trails off and tries to take a moment to compose herself. "I'm uh, supposed to be meeting Andrew for lunch, but it looks like he stood me up." She forces a light laugh, trying to pretend she isn't hurt.

Carina's face softens, not fooled by Maya's fake nonchalance at all. "I'm sure he didn't mean to," she says gently. "He's been so busy lately. He is probably just in surgery."

Maya told herself the same thing just a minute ago, but for some reason hearing it from Carina makes her believe it a bit more. "Yeah, you're probably right. It's not a big deal, we'll just try for another day."

Carina gives her a sad smile, "I'm sorry. I'm sure you were looking forward to it. I'd offer to go with you instead, but I have a mom who should be ready to start pushing any minute now and I need to stay close."

"It's okay," Maya waves a hand, "really, it's no big deal. I'll be all right."

Carina chews her bottom lip for a moment, thinking. Then she suddenly says, "come with me." She steps forward and puts a hand on Maya's elbow to spin her around and leads her down the hall.

"Where are we going?"

Maya may not know what's going on, but she doesn't put up any resistance. Carina keeps her hand on Maya's arm and she can't ignore the warmth radiating across her skin.

"We are going to find Andrea."

Carina leads her through a part of the hospital she's never been to before and takes a quick look at a giant whiteboard with OR numbers, procedures, patient names and surgeons organized in a nice, neat table. Maya is overwhelmed by the giant mess of a board, but Carina only needs a moment to find what she's looking for. Carina then pulls Maya along again and continues down a different hall to a small set of stairs. At the top, Maya realizes where they are.

"Whoa, am I even allowed to be up here?" Maya asks, stepping into the OR gallery.

"You're a first responder and you drop patients off here all the time. You are close enough to a hospital employee with all the business you bring in," Carina justifies. She sits down in one of the chairs and taps the empty seat next to her.

Maya hesitates, not wanting to get in trouble or to get Carina in trouble, but she can't say no to her. Besides, there's no one else in here, so who's going to tell? She sits down and looks to see what's going on in the OR.

She recognizes Andrew immediately, even though he's in a scrub cap and surgical mask. His hands are busy literally inside the patient's abdomen. Maya feels a little woozy. She treats patients all the time, but she never actually sees inside.

"Holy shit," Maya whispers, even though there's no one else in the room but them. "He's literally touching that guy's liver."

"He is," Carina grins, full of pride.

"He talks about surgery all the time, but I've never actually seen it. This is crazy," she shakes her head.

Maya watches Andrew work for a few minutes while Carina explains quietly what he's doing as he assists Dr. Webber with a liver transplant. It's a little mesmerizing. Andrew's hands are so steady, so sure. Every move he makes is confident and he's always a half step ahead of everything Dr. Webber asks of him, knowing what's needed before it's even requested.

"This is amazing," Maya muses.

"It is, isn't it?" Carina asks, but she's looking at Maya instead of her brother.

"Is he as good as he seems?" Maya asks, ignoring Carina's eyes on her. "Because he says all the time he's great and I always give him a hard time for being so cocky, but watching him now I think he's right. He seems really good at this."

"He's brilliant," Carina says. "He is an incredible surgeon and reminds me so much of our Papà," Carina sighs, finally moving her eyes back to Andrew. "He's so much like him and that terrifies me."

Maya manages to pull her eyes away from the operation and looks at Carina. She's never heard her say much about their father before, just that he was difficult to grow up with, but she sounds so sad all of a sudden.

"Why is that terrifying?"

Carina looks at her with nervous eyes and she's worrying her bottom lip between her teeth again. She doesn't speak for a moment, just lets her eyes flicker between Maya's. Finally, she asks, "how much has Andrea told you about our Papà?"

"Not a lot," Maya admits. "Just that he was never really that close with him because he lived in the US with your mom and he's a bit eccentric."

"That's one way to put it," Carina sighs. "Our Papà is brilliant, charismatic and very funny, but he can also be dark, distant and…cruel. He's a wonderful and complicated man, but he's also bipolar. At least, I've diagnosed him as such because he refuses to get real help," she says.

"I had no idea," Maya says. Carina's description of her father hits so close to home for Maya. She doesn't think hers is bipolar, but that combination of charismatic and cruel is more than familiar.

Maya feels a chill run down her spine at the memories that resurface from her own childhood, but she shoves them away. This isn't about her right now. She focuses instead on what Carina tells her.

"Andrea does not like to talk about it. I think he lets himself believe I exaggerate a lot because deep down he feels guilty I went through it alone, but he never lived with Papà like I did. He never truly saw all the versions of him like I did," Carina explains. "His highs are so high, but his lows are even lower. Our Mamma left because he would not get help. She took Andrea and wanted me to come too, but even at twelve years old I knew he needed someone to help take care of him so I chose to stay. I was worried he wouldn't let Mamma take us both and would try to keep Andrea, but I didn't want him having to grow up with Papà. So I told my mom I wanted to stay in Italy and she let me. I blamed her for putting me in that position for a long time. I wished she would have fought harder to bring me with her too. I was just a child. She should have protected me. Yes, Papà needed someone looking out for him, but Mamma should not have let me take on that responsibility."

"I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have had to go through that."

Maya feels anger towards a woman she's never met, a woman who's dead. There's that saying about never speaking ill of the dead, but Maya won't let that stop her from thinking an ill word or two. She doesn't blame Carina and Andrew's mom for wanting to leave their dad, but she's upset she didn't protect Carina the way she deserved.

"I know, but I did," Carina says with a shrug of her shoulders. "Mamma and I mended things before she died and I forgave her. I don't regret staying in Italy because Papà needed the help. I am afraid to think what might have happened if I was not there. After Mamma left, I got a job sweeping floors at the cafe down the street from our home. I said it was because I wanted money for clothes, but really I just wanted to save the money. During his bad episodes he wouldn't be able to make meals or remember to buy groceries, so I needed money to buy food for us and I didn't want to bother him for it. During his manic episodes he would stay at the hospital for days at a time and I wanted the money so I could take care of myself."

"Carina…I'm so sorry." Maya's at a loss for what else to say.

She had no idea Carina had to deal with all this. She got a little insight that night they had dinner at the house and they had a heart to heart about their familial drama, but she didn't know it went this deep.

Maya isn't good at offering sympathy or empathy. Even though she thinks she can relate to what Carina is saying on some level, Maya doesn't know what to do with that information. She doesn't think she's good at comforting people. That's just never been who she is. She wants too, though. She wants to come up with the perfect thing to say that will take all of Carina's pain away. She wants to take the burden on herself and give Carina some relief. She knows she can't and that frustrates the hell out of her. She feels helpless, so she can't imagine what Carina has felt like dealing with this for most of her life.

Carina blinks quickly and shakes her head several times. "It wasn't all bad," she says in his defense. "When he was good, he was the best. He would travel to hospitals in different countries for surgeries or lectures and he always took me with him. We would eat paella in Spain until we were sick and he would give me little sips of his beer in Germany. We stayed up all night watching the Northern Lights in Iceland and he taught me all the constellations. He even took me to the top of the Eiffel Tower one time. Those moments almost made up for the bad ones. I took care of him my whole life." Her eyes are downcast as she continues, her voice low and pained. "But then a few years ago, he operated on seven patients during a manic episode after being awake for over 48 hours. They were impossible surgeries he had no business doing, and…four of them died. I thought finally he would be forced to get the help he needed, but he's friends with the Chief of Staff and they covered it up." Carina shakes her head, trying to hold back tears. "I left home after that. I couldn't help him ruin his life any more, not when he was hurting people. If he was going to refuse help, I wasn't going to stay and watch. I couldn't."

Maya reaches out and places a hand on Carina's knee, trying to offer any amount of comfort she can. "I hate that you had to go through all that," Maya tells her. "But none of it is your fault. You can't make people get help if they don't want it." She remembers Carina telling her the exact same thing a few weeks ago, but it isn't always easy being that logical when you're the one dealing with it.

"I appreciate that," Carina says earnestly, laying her hand on top of Maya's. "I didn't say all that just to make you feel sorry for me. I want to explain how difficult my Papà is."

"What does that have to do with Andrew, though?"

Carina looks down at her little brother operating and sighs. "Papà was 29 when he had his first episode. At least, the first episode that was bad enough for people to take notice. Andrea just turned 29. They are so much alike and it scares me to find out what else they might have in common."

Maya understands her fears now. It makes sense why she always asks how Andrew is doing. Hell, it's probably the reason she even came to Seattle to begin with. She wanted to be here in case she needed to take care of her brother the same way she took care of their dad. Carina has the biggest heart of anyone she's ever met and it breaks Maya's own heart a little that she's so willing to uproot her life to look out for those she loves without any regard for herself.

"Andrew doesn't seem sick, I don't think," Maya says to try and ease her worries. "I've lived with him for eight months and I've never noticed anything wrong."

Carina looks at Maya again and she doesn't appear to be so convinced. "He works himself to the point of exhaustion every shift and he spends his days off with you in the aid car or picking up shifts at the clinic instead of relaxing."

Guilt washes over Maya at that. She knows Carina isn't blaming her, but she was the one who suggested Andrew join her on the aid car initially. She's the one who gave him the idea to spend his off days working.

"He just wants to help as many people as he can. All he wants is to save lives and help people," Maya tries to justify, not just to Carina but also to herself. She gets it, she does the same thing.

"He's been living at the hospital for six days. It just feels so familiar."

"He doesn't always do this. I've seen him stay here a day or two, but that's it. He's only trying to make a good impression so he can win Chief Resident. I really think he's okay," she says, squeezing Carina's knee. "It makes sense being worried. You love him so much and you just want him to be okay. He's so lucky to have you looking out for him. But I really do think everything is all right."

She's doing her best to sound reassuring and not condescending, but this is all new for her. She doesn't really do heart to hearts. Her talks with Andy and Vic are usually more one sided, them just needing someone to vent to as they work through their problems on their own. But with Carina, she wants to be helpful. She just doesn't know if she's doing a good job or coming across as dismissive.

Carina sighs like she doesn't quite believe her. "I hope you're right," she offers with a tight smile.

She looks down at Maya's hand laying over hers and flips her hand over so she can lace her fingers with Maya's, holding on tighter.

There's a twisting sensation in Maya's stomach that tells her to let go, but she doesn't. Holding Carina's hand feels too good. And besides, with the chairs in the row in front of them, there's no way Andrew would be able to tell if he happened to look up.

Maya gives Carina's hand a gentle squeeze and relaxes back into her seat.

"Were you ever worried about being bipolar like your dad?" Maya asks.

Carina has only mentioned her fears for Andrew, but there had to be some concern for herself as well.

"Oh yes," Carina nods.

She brings her other hand over to trace along the back of Maya's hand. It sends a chill through Maya's whole body and she wants to feel it again and again.

"My late 20s and early 30s were very wild," she says with a wistful smile as she remembers. "I was afraid I would be sick too, so I wanted to enjoy as much as I could while I was okay. Of course, because I was living so carefree, I started to wonder if I was actually having manic episodes. Then I would panic because I was so afraid I was manic, that I would start to feel depressed. It was a difficult time, but I just wanted to enjoy myself as much as possible."

"That makes sense," Maya says. "I understand being afraid of turning into your parents."

Maya is really only starting to realize now that she might be more afraid of that than she's ever let herself think. She owes a lot to her dad, but she also wouldn't want to emulate a lot of his methods. While his style of parenting worked for Maya, it was destructive for Mason. Maya would never want to take the risk that treating someone like that would break another person like it did to her brother. Maya couldn't handle being someone's undoing.

Maybe that's why she's always kept herself at such a distance from other people. She's never allowed herself to date anyone seriously, never letting anything last beyond a couple months of fun. Then, as soon as things start to turn serious, she cuts and runs. Maybe she was always afraid she was capable of hurting them.

Her head starts to spin with that realization and she doesn't want to continue down that train of thought. She squeezes Carina's hand and focuses on that instead. It helps ground her.

Carina gives her an empathetic smile, but she doesn't push. Instead, she sighs and says, "I think my wild ways back then are the reason Andrew has trust issues with me about who I date. There were some boundaries I crossed back then and maybe shouldn't have. I was so focused on enjoying myself that I didn't really take him into consideration. I guess in some ways I did end up like my dad."

"Hey, no I don't believe that for a second," Maya says, feeling the urgent need to defend Carina to herself. "From what you've told me about your dad, you're nothing like him. You're both gifted doctors, but it seems to me the similarities end there. You are kind and considerate, loving and loyal. You can't let the fun you had when you were young dictate how you see yourself now. Hopefully you still have a little of that wildness in you now to keep things interesting, but I don't think you're the same person as you were back then. I haven't known you long, but who you are now is incredible and anyone who meets you is lucky to know you. I know I am."

She didn't mean to get so sappy, but the shy smile Carina has on her face makes it worth it. The way Carina's eyes are lit up and looking at Maya with adoration makes her glad she let herself get a little emotional.

Carina is one of the best people she's ever met. This version of Carina definitely isn't what she pictured in her head from Andrew's stories. Carina said Andrew knew a different version of their dad, but Maya thinks he knew a different version of Carina too. Maya thinks he's been realizing that and has enjoyed getting to know this new version of Carina, the still fun, still flirty, but more mature and grounded version. Maya is sure Andrew has changed too since he and Carina were last involved in each other's life. They both needed to get to know each other again. It's been lovely to be a witness to that reconnection.

"Thank you," Carina says.

She glances down at the operating room and then brings Maya's hand up so she can kiss the back of it. Carina let's her lips linger for a moment longer and Maya's breath catches in her throat.

Maya stares at Carina's lips. She wants nothing more than to kiss her right now. If they weren't just a few feet above Andrew, she thinks she might. Which definitely doesn't sound like getting over her, but at this moment Maya doesn't really care.

Instead, she focuses on how the skin on the back of her hand still burns from where Carina's lips touched. She reminds herself to breathe again as Carina lowers their hands back to rest on her knee. There's a sly smile on Carina's face as she turns her focus back to the operating room. She knows exactly what she just did to Maya, but she isn't going to press.

Once Maya is able to get her breathing back under control and focus, they quietly watch the rest of surgery. Carina explains any questions Maya has, but eventually they fall into a comfortable silence and just watch Andrew work. They still don't let go of each other's hand.

Maya has seen Andrew interact with patients before and she's always been so impressed with how kind and compassionate he is with them. He somehow manages to be gentle even while he's doing something painful like resetting a dislocated shoulder. He's just so good with them. Somehow, even while the patient is unconscious and wouldn't know better, even while his hands are literally inside their body and he's slicing through tissue with a scalpel, he still manages to be just as gentle and attentive. Maya knows it wouldn't matter how hard she tried, she would never be able to reach the level of high quality care Andrew gives every single one of his patients.

She really hopes Carina is wrong and he isn't too much like their father. If he is, she knows he will be okay and will work through it, but he's just so good. She hopes he never has to deal with that kind of pain.

Maya looks over at Carina, enjoys the sharp slope of her nose in the side profile. Her brown eyes are studying Andrew so intently and with her hair pulled back like it is, Maya can see every single movement they make as she takes in the scene below them. Carina is so focused, Maya doesn't think she even knows she's being watched.

"You know, I really like your hair like this," Maya says, subconsciously reaching over to trace a finger softly across one braid. "Beautiful," she mumbles without meaning to. She thought it, but didn't plan on saying it aloud. She drops her hand quickly once she realizes what she did.

Carina's lips curl into a smile as she tears her eyes away from her brother and looks at Maya. "Thank you," she says.

Maya doesn't think she's imagining the flush she sees in Carina's cheeks.

She hopes she isn't.

Maya ends up staying at the hospital much longer than she meant to. She just couldn't step away from watching Andrew operate, she was too intrigued and impressed. Plus, Carina never got called away to deliver the baby like she was waiting for until after the surgery, so Maya didn't want to leave her either. They held hands through the entire thing and when it was over, Maya didn't want to let go.

It wasn't until the end that Andrew looked up and saw them. He looked confused to see them, then happy, then guilty when he realized he skipped their lunch. Maya couldn't even be that upset because him skipping it meant he got to save a life and Maya got to spend the afternoon alone with Carina. She didn't even realize how hungry she was until her stomach rumbled after the fact.

Andrew cleaned up and after talking with the patient's family, he and Maya finally had their lunch, though it was more of a very early dinner at that point and unfortunately in the hospital cafeteria for convenience sake.

"Maya, I'm really so sorry I forgot. I can't believe I bailed on you like that and didn't at least text," he apologizes for the tenth time. "Carol has been waiting for a liver for two years so when we got the call from UNOS we were so elated and everything was just such a blur that it totally slipped my mind. I'm so sorry."

"If I say I forgive you again, will you finally stop apologizing?" She asks, feigning annoyance.

"I'll certainly consider it," he smirks.

Maya rolls her eyes, but knows that's the best she'll get. "Okay fine, Drew, I forgive you."

"Thank you," he laughs. "It's cool Carina snuck you into the gallery. If I'd known you wanted to watch a surgery, I could've done it before."

Maya waves a hand like it's no big deal. She wouldn't be opposed to watching another surgery with Andrew, but she's infinitely grateful she got to spend this one with Carina. She can't tell Andrew that, of course, but she knows it's true.

"Don't even worry about it. I just happened to run into her and she offered. After all the times you've visited me at work, it was cool to get to see what you do for once."

"Yeah, surgery is pretty amazing. There's nothing else I'd rather do." He pops his last french fry into his mouth and leans back in his seat. He stretches his arms above his head and then crosses them over his chest as he slumps down and sighs. "Shit, I'm so tired. I don't think I've slept in like 30 hours aside from a 20 minute power nap."

Maya feels her stomach tighten as she recalls her conversation with Carina about her dad. There's no way Andrew is sick, right? He's just a workaholic and Maya is paranoid. That's it. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't be taking better care of himself in general.

"Dude, not cool! You need to get some sleep. I wouldn't have asked you to lunch if I'd known you would've been better off sleeping instead of eating," she scolds him as if she hasn't done the same thing while at her own job before.

"I know, I know," he sighs, not even bothering to argue. "I didn't mean to, I just got so caught up with patients I didn't even realize how much time had passed. Then I was going to take a nap before lunch, but UNOS called and you know the rest."

"Well seriously, go find an on-call room or something right now and get some sleep. Or better yet, finally come home and sleep in your own bed."

"Aww, do you miss me, roomie?" He teases.

"Not at all, Carina is a much better roommate than you," Maya counters.

Andrew laughs out loud at that. "Yeah right, she may cook better than me, but I know the messes she makes drive you crazy."

Maya just hums in acknowledgment. From a cleanliness standpoint, Andrew certainly is a better roommate than Carina, but Carina is cuter so they balance out.

"Seriously though, you need to get some sleep. I know you're wanting to make an impression for the Chief Resident position, but you need to take care of yourself too. Being responsible enough to look out for yourself on top of caring for your patients is sure to make a good impression," she points out, trying to turn it around on him.

Andrew sighs and rolls his eyes. "You sound like Carina," he says, but his tone is mostly teasing.

"We just care about you," Maya says, realizing too late she referred to them as 'we'. She likes the sound of it, but she hopes Andrew doesn't catch on.

"You guys talk about me?"

His tone is teasing, but it makes Maya paranoid he's caught onto something. Her hand burns again from where Carina kissed her. She absent mindedly runs her finger along the tattoo on her wrist.

Maya's stomach tightens and she thinks for a quick moment she's about to admit everything to him out of sheer panic, but luckily she's always been quick on her feet.

"Maybe if you would actually come home once in a while, we'd talk to you and not about you," she counters.

Andrew narrows his eyes for a moment to try and appear offended, but he quickly dissolves into laughter. "Okay, okay, fair enough. I'll come home tonight, all right?"

Maya wants to suggest he just go home right now and finally get some damn sleep, but she'll take what she can get.

"I'm going to hold you to that," she says. "If you're lying to me, I'll come back here and drag you home myself."

"I don't doubt it," he laughs. As if on cue, his phone beeps and he jumps up from his seat. "Sorry to run, I have a--"

"You have a patient," Maya cuts in. "No worries, go save lives. I'll see you later at home."

"Yeah, yeah, see you there," Andrew laughs as he rushes off.

Maya watches him go with a proud smile. He's stressed and busy, sure, but he's also so carefree and upbeat. Maya hopes he never loses that childlike energy.

She knows she's going to be extra attentive of him now after Carina confessed her concerns. The last thing she wants is Andrew to struggle with his mental health. She doesn't want that for him and she doesn't want Carina to have to go through it again. Maya knows she's going to be second guessing every dip or spike in Andrew's mood now, but she's okay over analyzing if it means looking out for him. He's her friend and she just wants the best for him.

Plus, if she's watching out too, maybe that will take some of the pressure off of Carina. Maybe if she's just a little less worried, she'll be able to focus more on enjoying her time with her brother instead of always being worried.

Maya is willing to take that on.

Andrew says Maya and Carina are his two favorite people, but Maya realizes now, Andrew and Carina are her two favorite people as well. That happened so quickly, but she knows it's true.

She just wants the best for both of them and Maya is grateful for any part she gets to play in their wellbeing.

Dammit, she's really going soft.

Chapter Text

As Maya walks towards her front door, she's so focused on texting Carina about the baby she just delivered that she isn't even aware of the person sitting on her doorstep. She startles when she hears them say, "hey," and her head finally shoots up.

"Mason," Maya sighs, taking a breath to slow her heart rate again. "Hey," she says more calmly this time. "What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

She hasn't seen her brother since he stopped by the station a couple weeks ago. She was worried she wouldn't ever hear from him again and hated how sad that made her feel.

But here he is. Maya can't help but smile.

He looks even better than he did when he came by the station. He's had his hair cut since then and underneath his gray zip up hoodie, he's wearing a blue button down shirt that doesn't have any wrinkles. The color of the shirt makes his eyes brighter and Maya is struck by just how much they look alike.

They used to pretend they were twins as kids. They would wear outfits that matched as much as possible and tell everyone they passed that they were twins. It always earned them a doting laugh and comments on how cute they were.

Maya hates they ever stopped doing that. She remembers her dad telling them one day they needed to grow up and stop acting like children. They never once played the twin game again.

"I uh…I have the night off and was wondering if you wanted to get dinner?" Mason says awkwardly as he stands, like he isn't sure if he actually wants to be asking.

She starts to point out that he could've texted her first, but realizes they didn't share numbers. She doesn't even know if he has a phone. It doesn't matter though, she's just happy he's here. They've never been affectionate, but after the afternoon she had with Carina and Andrew, she finds herself wanting to hug her little brother tightly. She doesn't, of course, but she takes the slightest step forward on instinct.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. That would be great," she smiles, not wanting to be overly excited and scare him away, but thrilled he's asking. "Do you want to come in? I can cook something. My roommates should be home before too long, I'd love for you to meet them."

He stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jeans and rocks back on his heels. "Actually, there's this really good diner a few blocks from here. I was thinking we could go there?"

Maya can tell from the hesitation in his tone he thinks having dinner at her home with her roommates is too much right now and she can't blame him. They're still getting to know each other again, they don't need the added pressure of something so personal.

"That sounds perfect."

They walk in near silence to the diner, aside from exchanging "how are you's" and "fines". It's not painfully uncomfortable, though. Maya just likes having his company again after so long.

As nervous as she feels around him, she also feels like she can breathe better for the first time in a long time. It's like just having him near her eases the tightness she constantly feels in her chest. Her shoulders relax a little and the tension she always feels in her spine starts to relent.

She never even realized just how desperately she missed him until she had him around again.

Once they're seated in a booth and looking over the menu (Maya's pretending she didn't just eat a little over an hour ago), Maya finally speaks up.

"So how are things going at work?"

He looks up at her surprised, almost like he forgot she was even sitting across from him. He clears his throat and says, "it's uhm…it's good. I'm just stocking shelves at a grocery store at night and I pick up shifts unloading trucks whenever they need the help. Nothing special."

Maya can tell he enjoys the job, even if he's downplaying it. Maybe he's just happy to have something to keep him busy or proud of himself that he's been able to hold down a job for a while. Either way, Maya is happy to see him take pride in something again.

"Is it weird being in a grocery store after hours when no one is there?" She asks.

They always used to love accompanying their mom to the store when they were little. The shelves seemed to stretch up to the sky from their tiny stature and they always dared the other to climb them. They would pretend to be twins and hold hands as they followed after their mom. Maya never told him, but she liked feeling like a protective big sister by holding his hand and making sure he didn't get lost. She smiles at the memories.

He grins a little. "Yeah, it's kind of cool. There's usually a couple other people working too, but it's so quiet most of the time it's almost a little creepy. It's so different from during the day."

The server comes and takes their order then. Maya gets pancakes and Mason teases her for ordering breakfast for dinner, but then changes his mind and orders the same thing. They fall into silence once the server leaves, but it's not as uncomfortable this time.

Eventually, Mason looks up from where he's playing with a sugar packet and breaks the silence. "So you have roommates?"

"Yeah, I have two. Andrew and Carina." Maya can't help but smile as she thinks about them. "They're brother and sister, and are doctors at Grey-Sloan. I've lived with Andrew awhile now, but his sister just moved here from Italy a couple months ago."

"That's cool," Mason hums. He takes an awkward pause, unsure where to take the conversation next.

Maya makes herself speak first. She hates the tension too much to let it hang there any longer. "They have a pretty interesting relationship," she starts. "They were really close as kids, then their parents separated and Andrew came to the US with their mom and Carina stayed with their dad in Italy so they didn't see each other much. But now that they're older, they've gotten close again. They're both really glad they reconnected."

Mason squints his eyes, like he suddenly isn't sure who the person sitting across from him is. He leans forward, resting his elbows on the table and studying Maya curiously. "Are you really comparing your roommates losing touch because their parents divorced to us being forced apart for self preservation from our abusive, son of a bitch father?"

Maya jerks back like she's been slapped. She really hadn't meant to make the comparison. At least she didn't do it consciously. Maybe a part of her is jealous of Carina and Andrew's relationship and she wants that for herself and Mason. But she didn't intend to draw the parallel.

She's more hung up on the fact he called their dad abusive. She's never thought of him that way. He was incredibly strict, sure. He had a bad temper and could also be really cold, but abusive isn't the first word that comes to mind for him. He just wanted her to succeed. He wanted them both to succeed, but only Maya ever did in his eyes.

Maya's jaw wobbles a couple times as she tries to figure out how to respond, but all she can manage is, "Dad never hit us."

Mason scoffs, like he can't believe he actually has to explain himself. "Abuse isn't just physical."

"I know that," Maya bites, getting defensive now.

Mason opens his mouth, but then snaps it closed. He grinds his teeth for a moment before finally saying, "I don't want to talk about Dad. I didn't come here to talk about him."

"Then why did you come here, Mason?" She snaps.

Mason slumps back in his seat and breaks eye contact. He clearly doesn't have an answer.

She didn't want their time together to dissolve like this, but maybe things are just too volatile between them now. Maybe they can never repair the things their dad broke.

And if that's the case, she'd rather they figure that out now than later. She doesn't want to get her hopes up about getting her brother back only to have them ripped away when they realize this was never going to work because they're too far gone.

"Honestly, Mason," she says, softer this time. She doesn't want to attack him, she just wants the truth. "Are you only here because I gave you money and you feel obligated? Because if that's the case, then fine. Just call it like it is, we don't have to pretend. Or are you here because you're actually interested in trying to scrape together at least some semblance of a relationship with me? Because that's what I want, but let's not kid ourselves if it's not possible."

Mason is quiet for a while. He sips his water and breathes steadily, gathering his thoughts. He was always so careful with his words. Maya lets him take his time, but the few seconds she has to wait are agonizing. She knows the answer she wants, but she isn't sure the answer she'll get.

"I'm here because I want to be," Mason finally says.

Maya's shoulders drop in relief and she lets out an audible, grateful breath that she knows Mason hears. She's laying it out there how much she wanted that exact answer out of him, but she's okay revealing her cards to him. She feels better now knowing he won't throw them back in her face.

He sighs and continues. "I don't know what's possible to repair between us, but I want to try." He offers her a small smile before he scowls again and adds, "I still don't want to talk about Dad, though."

"We don't have to," she rushes out, wanting him to know that isn't a deal breaker. "It can just be about us."

"That would be nice."

They share a smile and Maya feels like a weight lifts off her chest once again. She doesn't know how much better this thing between them can become, doesn't know if they'll ever be close like they were when they were younger, but knowing they're both on board to try sets Maya's heart at ease.

Their conversation through the rest of dinner is still awkward and a little stiff, but they do their best. Mason even agrees to their dinners becoming a weekly thing, so long as it works for their schedules. They exchange numbers before going their separate ways and finally having a way to get in contact with him after not knowing where the hell he was for so long makes Maya happy in a way she wasn't expecting.

She's struck with the urge to hug him, but knows they aren't there yet. She's never really been a hugger, but for some reason she's looking forward to the day they're comfortable enough with each other again that she can wrap her arms around her little brother and know they're going to be okay.

Maya is still smiling when she walks through the front door of her house after dinner. She feels giddy, which is a strange emotion to associate with her brother after how painful things have been, but it's more than welcomed.

Before she can even open her mouth to announce her presence, she hears someone shush her from the living room. She walks into the room with a confused expression, but understands immediately.

Carina is sitting at one end of the couch with Andrew stretched across it, his feet in her lap and Whiskers purring on his chest. Andrew is passed out cold, even snoring lightly. Relief floods her chest to see him sleeping so soundly. She's so happy to see him actually getting some sleep, she doesn't even feel the need to tease him later about snoring.

But then he lets out a particularly loud snore and Maya thinks she might need to tease him at least a little bit.

"Oh good, he actually came home," Maya whispers, walking closer and settling down on the couch's arm next to Carina.

"I had to actually drag him out of the hospital, but I'm just happy he's here," she smiles, tapping his shin with her fingers. "He was barely awake long enough to eat dinner."

The worried creases I'm her forehead as she looks at Andrew make so much more sense now after her conversation with Maya earlier. Carina looks at Andrew likes she's terrified, but loves him so much she's trying not to be.

Maya just wants to hold Carina and tell her everything will be okay.

She settles instead for a gentle squeeze of her shoulder and says, "that's good, he needs as much sleep as he can get."

Andrew has a peaceful expression on his face while he sleeps, which is so much better than the furrowed brow and heavy eyes he had through their lunch earlier. He looks so young and at ease when he sleeps. Maya thinks she might be seeing Andrew the way Carina always does, even if just for a moment. She understands exactly Carina's concerns for him and hopes this quiet moment allows her to stop worrying, at least for a few hours.

Maya looks up at the TV and realizes there's a basketball game playing on low volume. She recognizes the familiar green jerseys of Andrew's favorite team, the Seattle Storm.

"I didn't think you liked basketball," Maya says quietly, nudging Carina's shoulder.

"It will never compare to football, but I don't hate it," Carina rolls her eyes playfully. "Andrea was very excited for the game, but fell asleep before it started. I thought I would watch it and let him know how it goes. At least I will try to explain," she laughs.

Maya smiles at her effort. She chooses not to tell Carina she won't actually need to update him because Travis is probably texting his commentary every ten seconds. She knows Andrew won't tell her either. He'll happily listen to every word she says, thrilled she watched for him.

They watch the game in silence for a few moments before Maya feels Carina's hand lay over her knee, thumb tracing circles on the outside.

"Where did you go tonight?" She asks curiously.

Maya's brain can only focus on Carina's hand so it takes her several seconds to register the question and then another few to process it and formulate a response.

"Oh uh…I was having dinner with my brother."

Carina's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline before her lips curl into a proud grin. "Really?" She exclaims too loudly, head jerking towards Andrew once she realizes her mistake. He's still dozing away though, so she continues more quietly this time. "Maya, that's wonderful. How was it?"

Maya chews her lip as she thinks over the best way to respond. "It was so many things," she says. "But I think it was mostly good. We're going to try and make dinner a weekly thing."

"Oh, Maya," Carina sighs. She squeezes Maya's knee and leans her head against her arm. "I am so happy for you. I know how important this is to you."

Maya beams at how well Carina gets her.

Carina was the only one she told about Mason coming by the station at first. Vic and Travis knew of course because they were there, which meant everyone at the station knew by the end of shift, but she didn't talk about it with any of them. She ignored their questions and shut down any attempt at a conversation about it. She just wasn't ready yet. She was still processing it herself, so she definitely wasn't prepared to share it with someone else.

She had no trouble telling Carina about it when she got home from her shift that morning, though. Carina is just so easy to talk to. Maya wanted to share that news with her and she was glad she did. Carina understands wanting a connection with a brother on a personal level so she was able to share that hesitant joy with Maya better than any of her other friends could have.

She didn't tell Andrew about it until a few days after it happened. She needed more time to process it herself before opening up to anyone other than Carina. Plus, he hasn't been home as much so she took the time to really think about it.

Andrew was supportive, of course, but he was also cautious. He wanted her to be careful, but he also really wanted things to work out well. He had glanced over at Carina where she was cooking dinner in the kitchen with a smile and told Maya how nice it was reconnecting with a long lost sibling. He said it quietly, but based on the way Carina cleared her throat and sniffled a few moments later, she definitely heard.

Being a big sister with a complicated sibling dynamic herself, Carina understood Maya's willingness to try more than Andrew did. Carina's hopeful excitement and Andrew's cautious encouragement was exactly the balance Maya needed.

"Thank you," Maya says. She risks a glance over at Andrew to make sure he's still asleep before laying her hand over Carina's on her knee. She needs the extra support for what she's about to say next. "He said something about our dad that's been bothering me, though."

She knows it's a risky topic to bring up with Carina considering how tense things got last time they discussed Maya's dad. Carina stiffens slightly next to her, but Maya pretends she doesn't notice. She wants to talk about this with someone and despite knowing her the shortest amount of time, Carina is the only person Maya's ever really opened up to about her dad, even just as little as she has. Maybe it's because Carina opened up about her own father so vulnerable this afternoon that she's willing to bring this up.

"What did he say?" Carina asks, doing her best to not sound critical right from the start.

"He said he was abusive," Maya admits, the word feeling foreign on her tongue.

It still doesn't sound right, even after hearing Mason say it earlier. It's been bugging her since he said it, but of course she dropped it with him and didn't try to push it. She would've ruined everything before it had even started if she hadn't.

Carina bites her lip, like she's holding herself back from saying what she really wants. She takes a slow breath through her nose and instead asks, "and you don't think he was?"

Maya takes a moment to think that over again. She hasn't stopped thinking about it since Mason said it. She carried on silted conversations the rest of dinner on a variety of different topics, but her mind kept going back to that single word. Is he being dramatic? Or has she really been that naïve her entire life?

"I don't know what to think," she admits. "He was tough on us, sure, but he was also always the first one who rushed to hug me after I won a race. He was my biggest supporter, the only one who fully went on that journey with me."

"Abusers aren't always cruel. That's how they're able to get away with it for so long," Carina says carefully.

Carina does a good job keeping the accusation out of her voice. Maya isn't sure whether she's being cautious because of how their last conversation about Maya's dad went or she's empathizing with her after opening up about her own relationship with her dad, but Maya appreciates it. She's clearly trying to handle this in a way that won't upset Maya, while still trying to help her figure things out.

"You're right, but it just seems like such a stretch to me. I don't know," she huffs. "I don't want to be that asshole who says Mason is making it up, because I don't think he is. I know that's truly what he believes. He's just always been so much more sensitive, so I wonder if maybe we just reacted to our experiences differently."

Carina hums and squeezes Maya's knee. She glances at Andrew and then carefully turns her body more towards Maya while doing her best not to disturb him. Though honestly, he's so out he probably wouldn't even realize if Carina had shoved him off the couch entirely.

"Maybe it's not that you reacted differently, but you had different experiences all together," Carina suggests. "You said your father pushed both of you to succeed, but you're the one who was winning a gold medal and Mason wanted to go to art school. I'm assuming that is not something your dad thought was successful. Do you think that while you also got to see a good side of your dad when he celebrated with you, Mason never got to see that side? Instead, he only ever saw the bad?"

Maya thinks that through before answering. She never thought of it like that. As a kid, she thought she was protecting Mason by taking all the attention for herself. She thought if all their dad's energy was spent pushing her, then Mason would be free. Maya was willing to take the brunt of what she thought was just their dad's tough love because she knew she could handle it better than Mason could. It wasn't until they were older and Mason OD'd that she realized how wrong she was thinking he was safe because of her.

Carina makes a good point. Maya saw two different sides of their father that Mason was never privy to. He was just familiar with the cold shoulder and neglect. He never saw their dad be proud of him like Maya did. She was able to ignore the bad times because she also got to experience some good. For Mason it was all bad.

"I never thought of it like that," Maya admits.

Her mind is reeling a little bit. She feels like Carina reached into her mind, pulled out all the wires to her childhood memories and reconnected them differently. Everything looks so different when she thinks back on her childhood now. She doesn't even know what the right connections are anymore.

She feels panic building in her throat and knows she's about to spiral. Just before she's able to stand from the couch and escape to her room, Carina's hand on Maya's knee moves to grab her hand and squeezes it tightly. It keeps her grounded, like Carina could tell Maya was about to lose it and wanted to reel her back in before she got too far.

"I'm not trying to compare," Carina says gently. "I don't know how things really were with your dad, only you do. But I do know for me, it took a long time to recognize my Papà's behavior as abusive. I knew he was tough and could be very mean to me, but it wasn't all like that. He could also be very loving and celebrated my accomplishments with me so those moments made it easier to overlook the bad ones. They also made it harder to realize what I went through with him was an abusive relationship. He never hit me, it was never physical, but it was mental and emotional, which was just as traumatic. I didn't have bruises or scars as a reminder, but growing up in that environment had lasting effects. It shaped how I formed relationships for so long, it probably still does in some ways. It made me afraid of getting close to people because I never wanted someone to have the power to hurt me like that. Andrea didn't grow up with him like I did, though. So to him, Papà was complicated, but he was mostly just a good dad. He was the man who would take him on motorcycle tours of Europe when he visited over the summer. He was the man who taught him to play football and took him to games. He was the man who taught him to love surgery. Andrea wasn't around him enough to see all the bad stuff too. He didn't experience him the same way I did."

Carina sighs and brings her other hand up to trace patterns on the top of Maya's thigh, almost absent mindedly. "Again, I don't mean to say your relationship with your father is the same, but maybe it is more than it seems. Maybe now that you're older, you just need to look at it a different way and try to see things from your brother's perspective," she concludes.

Maya nods, trying to process her words and not be distracted by what Carina's fingers are doing. She's dealt with so many emotions today. She's mentally and physically exhausted. All she wants is a break.

"I'm afraid to think of it too much. I'm worried about what I'll uncover," Maya admits.

She doesn't have the brainpower to dive into that mess right now, but she also doesn't know when she'll be capable of doing that. She knows she should, but it feels so daunting to even imagine right now. Maybe when she's ready, Carina will help her through that too. Maya is pretty sure Carina will be willing to be there for her in any way she needs.

"You don't have to figure it all out right now." Carina smiles and lifts Andrew's legs so she can slide over on the couch. "Right now, you can just watch this boring basketball game with me and keep me from falling asleep before the end," she laughs, patting the space next to her on the couch.

Maya grins, grateful for the out. She slides off the couch's arm into the place Carina made for her. There's barely enough room so her whole thigh is pressed tightly against Carina's, but it gives her a welcome, warm sensation she never wants to go away.

And if her arm ends up on the back of the couch around Carina's shoulders, it's only because it's more comfortable given the limited area. At least that's what she tells herself when she sees the smirk Carina gives her out of the corner of her eye.

"I'm totally going to give Andrew shit for his snoring tomorrow," Maya teases, wanting to lighten the mood.

Carina laughs and looks over at her brother lovingly. "As long as he's sleeping, I can handle the snoring. It was worse when he was a child. I could hear him through the wall."

Maya smiles at the thought. "You're going to have to show me some childhood photos of you two sometime. I'll bet you were both adorable."

"Yes, but I was the cutest." She looks back over to Maya and winks.

Maya feels herself grin even though she really just wants to roll her eyes at the cheap shot. "I don't doubt that," she says because she knows it's true.

Carina smiles and settles against Maya as they let a comfortable quiet fall between them so they can strain to hear the low volume of the TV over Andrew's snores.

Maya finds herself wishing things could always be like this.

Chapter Text

Maya has spent months trying to figure out who Andrew was sending all those flirty texts to. She has questioned and teased him about it until she knows she needs to back off. She has tried to catch him talking to the girl at the hospital whenever she drops off a patient. Carina has even spied on him at work until he caught her and got upset so he made her promise not to do it anymore.

They're both pretty sure it's his ex, Sam, who Carina has multiple problems with, but Maya wants to give him the benefit of the doubt before writing her off. They were just kids when they were together the first time. Sure it seemed like absolute chaos and Carina tells very vivid stories of Andrew crying on her couch for three weeks after they broke up, but they were young. She can't speak for Sam, but she knows Andrew has grown up and is a responsible adult now. If he is back with Sam, she trusts the decision. She just wants to be let in on the secret. And she also wants to be proven right because she's so competitive she would be annoyed if it were anyone else.

After weeks of failed attempts to get Andrew to admit the truth, it's ironic she finally catches him after she's given up trying.

She's just finishing up filling out the paperwork for the patient she and Andy dropped off when she happens to look up and see Andrew down one of the hallways off the ER waiting room. Even from here, she can see the blinding grin on his face as he talks to someone. Maya can't see exactly who it is because they're leaning behind a supply rack, but she can definitely see when Andrew leans in and kisses her.

Maya's grinning, not only because she's finally about to figure out who he's with, but also because he's so evidently happy it thrills her. He deserves to be with someone who makes him smile like he is right now. And maybe if he's happy and loved up, he'll be more inclined to accept Maya and Carina. It's been getting harder and harder to ignore the way she feels about Carina. Maybe if Andrew is blissfully in love, he'll want the same for them, even if it's together like he's warned against in the past.

She's probably fooling herself, but the slight glimmer of hope makes her heart do a somersault.

Down the hall, Andrew pulls back from the kiss, the cheek splitting grin still in place as he takes a step back so the woman can leave. Maya holds her breath as she waits to see who it is. Sure enough, Sam Bello steps out from behind the rack and after letting her fingers trail down Andrew's arm, she turns and walks off down the hall. Andrew turns and watches her leave and even though his back is towards Maya, she knows he's still grinning like an idiot.

Maya does a mini fist pump, thrilled with herself for being right about this. She should've put money on it.

Maya finishes the paperwork, quickly filling out the last few lines, and then hurries towards Andrew before he can leave. He's just finally turning away from the direction Sam left when Maya walks up to him. Judging by the way his smile drops immediately, he knows he's been caught.

"So Sam, huh?" Maya says, taking a step to the side to cut Andrew off as he tries to hurry away. "Why didn't you just say anything before? She's hot, I totally approve," she teases.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he tries to deny. "I'm getting paged, I need to go."

He moves to step around Maya again, but she stops him with a hand on his chest.

"Your pager isn't going off, stop lying. And if you didn't want to get caught, you shouldn't have been kissing her in the hallway."

Andrew sighs and slumps against the rack Sam was just hiding behind. "I knew I shouldn't have done that. No one ever comes down this hall, I thought the coast was clear," he laments. "I suppose you're going to tell Carina now? She'll never let me live this down."

Maya doesn't hesitate before saying, "I won't tell her anything if you don't want me to."

Yes, she's friends with Carina now, but she's still loyal to Andrew too. Obviously she's incredibly loyal because she's still only friends with Carina, but she can't exactly tell him that to prove her point.

Andrew looks suspicious for a moment, but then accepts Maya's words as truthful. "Thanks," he mumbles. "She's just so biased towards Sam. I know she'll give me such a hard time."

Maya sees an opportunity and jumps at it. "Maybe you should just talk to her," she suggests. "Maybe she isn't fond of the idea right now, but if you explain things and make it clear how genuine your feelings are she might be accepting. Once she sees how happy you are, she'll be okay with it."

Andrew actually laughs, which is more disheartening than Maya expected it to be. She was hoping he could be reasonable about this and then maybe be reasonable about her and Carina. It looks like Maya's worst fears might be true.

"You clearly don't know Carina very well," he says.

That causes Maya to bristle. She may not have known her very long, but she'd like to think she knows her pretty well by this point. Maya knows Carina would be frustrated with Andrew at first for going back to Sam, but she thinks Carina would come around once she saw her brother was happy. That's all Carina cares about above everything else.

"I just think you should give her a chance. She's protective, sure, but she trusts you too. She'll be happy you're happy."

Andrew lets out a long sigh and crosses his arms. "Yeah, maybe you're onto something there," he muses. After a few moments he adds, "I'll tell her at some point, but not yet. Sam and I know how fucked up our relationship was in the past and we don't want it to be like that again, so we've been trying to keep things really low key until we're in a solid place."

"Clearly, that's why you were making out in the hallway," Maya jabs, biting her tongue between her teeth as she grins.

"Haha, you're so hilarious," Andrew says as he rolls his eyes. "We definitely won't be making that mistake twice."

"For the record, you guys are really cute and look super happy, so I support it. If and when you're ready for it, I'd love to have her over to the house for dinner sometime so I can get to know her."

Andrew's annoyed façad dissolves instantly. He gets this doe-eyed look and smiles softly at Maya. "I really am happy," he admits. "And I understand Carina's concern. Sam and I were a mess back then and I was devastated when it ended, but we were just dumb kids. We're better now. I'd love for you to get to know her."

Maya reaches out and squeezes his shoulder. "I'm up for that whenever you are," she says. "But you should really tell Carina. Just explain things and I'm sure she'll be okay with it. She trusts you."

Maya thinks maybe she should take her own advice.

"I'll think about it."

"There you are, Bishop. Ready to go?" Andy asks as she rounds the corner and spots Maya.

Maya looks over her shoulder and waves Andy off. "I'll be right there," she says. When she turns back to Andrew, she gives him as encouraging of a look as she can muster. "You and Sam are adults now. If you want to make it work, then I'm sure you can. Carina will understand that. You just have to trust her."

"I already said I'll think about it," he laughs, rolling his eyes. "Why are you so hung up on this?"

"I just want you to be happy."

What she doesn't say is she wants him to be blissed out in a relationship so he will hopefully be less inclined to complain about her and Carina. Of course, she mostly just wants him to be happy and in love, but part of her motivation is also selfish. She can't deny that. But Andrew doesn't have to know that just yet. She'll let him handle telling Carina about Sam first, then this should be easy by comparison.

At least she hopes so.

"I'm happy, okay? I'll tell Carina soon," he says. "Now get out of here. Don't you have lives to go save? I know I do."

Maya rolls her eyes, but she really he's out to squeeze his shoulder and then backs away. "We will definitely be talking about this more later," she warns.

Andrew rolls his eyes, but he gives her an affectionate smile. "I don't see how there's possibly anything else to talk about, but whatever you say."

They wave goodbye and Andrew continues on down the hall as Andy turns and joins Andy. They head back to the aid car I'm the ambulance bay and Maya jumps in the driver's seat.

Just ad Maya is turning on the engine, Andy turns to her and asks, "are you ever going to tell him about you and Carina?"

Maya's eyes shoot over to Andy. "There's nothing to tell," Maya says, but not even she believes that of course.

"Oh, whatever," Andy says, rolling her eyes. "You're all adults. He'll get over it. Just like you told him, he'll be happy for you and Carina because you're happy. He'll come around."

"Yeah maybe," Maya muses.

She wonders if she should finally just get over herself and take that risk. Maybe he really would be okay with it and if he isn't, that's his own problem. There's nothing Maya can do about that.

Maybe it's time to stop denying her feelings. Getting over them clearly isn't working. She doesn't want to keep making her and Carina both miserable by holding back.

Just then, dispatch radios through with another call and Maya stops that line of thought so she can focus.

She's waited this long to figure out if she should talk to Andrew or not, she can wait a little longer.

Maya has seen a baby be delivered twice in her time as a firefighter. Once from a safe distance across the patient's living room and once in the back of a van where she technically helped, but she mostly stayed out of the way and handed Travis whatever he needed when asked for it. She's been fortunate that she's never worked the aid car when a baby needs to be delivered.

Until today.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" The laboring mom, Janet, complains in between contractions.

Maya bites her tongue to stop herself from admitting she's a little out of her depth here. She knows the basics of what to do, but she's never done it herself and Andy doesn't have much more experience. So of course this happens while they're working the aid car together. Just their luck.

"Yes, everything is fine," Maya says as calmly as possible. She turns to Andy and asks quietly, "where is Ben?"

"He's dealing with the fire. Travis and Vic too. It would take too much time to switch with them. Trust me, I tried," Andy laments. "It's fine, we can do this," Andy whispers so only Maya can hear her.

Maya's pretty sure Andy mostly says that last line to convince herself, but she tries to believe it too. That is, until Janet has another contraction that causes her to scream so loudly Maya winces.

Without even thinking it over, Maya tells Andy, "FaceTime Carina. Right now."

Andy's face lights up. "Yes! Great idea!" She pulls out her phone immediately and Maya doesn't even bother asking how she got Carina's number because it doesn't matter right now.

"Are you seriously calling someone right now? You really don't know what you're doing, do you?" Janet accuses. "Just take me to the hospital!"

"You're too far along, it wouldn't be safe to move you right now," Maya explains again. She definitely considered having Andy gun it to the closest hospital more than once, but she knows better.

"You better not let anything happen to me or this baby or I swear--" her threat is cut off by another scream, which happens to be exactly when Carina answers the call.

"Whoa, what is happening?" Carina asks as she looks at Andy through the screen with wide eyes.

"We're on a call and have a patient in labor. We thought having you talk her through it might help calm her down," Andy explains.

"Calm me down? Yeah right," Janet scoffs. "You just can't admit you don't know what you're doing!"

"We do know what we're doing!" Maya snaps. "We've trained for this, but it isn't exactly an everyday occurrence for us, so excuse us if we're a little flustered. But we know what we're doing and you are going to be fine. So if you could stop screaming at us about how incompetent we are for 5 minutes, Dr. DeLuca here can help us make sure everything goes smoothly and we'll have you out of here in no time. Think you can manage that?"

Janet's eyebrows are still narrowed, but she nods in compliance.

"Thank you," Maya nods in return. Then she turns towards Andy's phone and sees Carina smirking at her and subtly biting her lip, but she doesn't have time to interpret that look right now. "Dr. DeLuca, we have a 29 year old woman named Janet. She's 38 weeks along and this is her first child. She has mild smoke inhalation from a house fire that we're treating with O2 and monitoring closely. She's fully dilated and contractions are only a few seconds apart. Can you talk us through this?"

Carina keeps her smirk for only a half second more before her expression turns totally composed and professional. "Absolutely," she nods. "Can I talk to the patient please?"

Andy turns the phone around to face Janet and Carina continues.

"Hi, Janet. I'm Dr. DeLuca and I'm an OB/GYN at Grey-Sloan. I know this is scary, but I assure you Maya and Lieutenant Herrera are excellent and you will be just fine," Carina says in the most calming voice possible.

Janet actually manages a smile as she sighs and relaxes back against the gurney. She's the most at ease Maya has seen since Dean carried her out of the house, which considering the circumstances is pretty impressive. Carina just has that effect on people apparently.

"Okay, let's meet your baby," Carina says.

Andy sets up her phone on one of the cabinets so Carina has the best view possible as she talks them through the delivery. As stressful as the situation is, it goes off without a hitch.

Maya had already confirmed with their portable ultrasound that the baby was in the correct position, and that Janet was fully dilated. By the time they call Carina, there isn't really much more for them to do than for Maya to instruct Janet to push while Andy holds her hand and Carina watches through the phone screen to offer them all encouragement.

Once the baby is out, Andy cuts the cord and Carina offers to guide Maya through the first examination, but really all she does is watch quietly and let Maya take it from there, trusting she knows what to do.

Maya hands Janet her healthy baby girl as Andy moves up to the front of the aid car to finally drive them to the hospital.

"Thank you, Maya," Janet says as she cradles her daughter against her chest, all the harsh words she threw at her earlier long gone. "Thank you, Dr. DeLuca."

"No need to thank me, Maya did all the work," Carina smiles.

"Hey, I helped too," Andy chimes in from the front seat.

"Yes Andy, you held Janet's hand very well," Carina teases, making them all laugh.

"Thank you, Andy," Janet sing-songs, drawing more laughs.

"I'm going to get a team ready. We will greet you as soon as you arrive at the hospital," Carina says.

"See you soon," Maya tells her, reaching for Andy's phone to end the call.

Before she's able to hang up, Carina says, "nice work, Bishop," and winks at her.

"Thanks for the assist, Dr. DeLuca," Maya grins.

Once she hangs up, she passes Andy her phone back and settles on the bench next to Janet's gurney, only realizing now how exhausted she is.

"So is she your girlfriend?" Janet asks.

Andy immediately starts laughing from the front seat and Maya has to bite her tongue to stop herself from cursing in front of the newborn baby.

"We're just friends," Maya says, not really wanting to discuss her complicated dynamic with Carina with a patient.

"Could've fooled me," Janet says.

Andy snickers and Maya just rolls her eyes, figuring a woman who just gave birth can get away with that.

"So Carina is kind of a bad ass, huh?" Andy asks, bumping her hip into Maya's as she steps up beside her.

They're in the waiting room on the labor and delivery floor, waiting for Carina to come back and let them know Janet is all settled. Carina told them they did everything perfectly and she wasn't worried about anything so they were free to leave, but Maya wanted to wait. It's the first baby she's ever delivered on her own, so she wants the extra confirmation everything is okay. It has absolutely nothing to do with wanting to see Carina more, no matter what Andy's annoyingly expressive face has to say about it.

"You're just figuring that out?" Maya says, even though she's still impressed herself by getting to see Carina in her work element.

Carina wasn't even there, just talking to them through a screen, but her confidence and cool composure would've had Maya swooning if she weren't so focused on delivering a baby. She isn't even embarrassed to admit that because she's always found confidence sexy. She's never found it quite this sexy, though.

"She seemed pretty impressed with you too."

Maya's eyes dart over to Andy and her eyebrows shoot up before she can school her expression. "Why do you say that?"

Andy's grin is devilish and Maya knows she's going to give her such shit for at least the next 3 weeks for how excited she is over this.

"She couldn't take her eyes off of you on that call," Andy explains.

Maya rolls her eyes, feels herself deflate a little, but that's probably for the best. "She was literally talking me through a delivery, of course she was looking at me."

There's no reason to be excited over something that was literally a requirement for Carina being on FaceTime in the first place. Andy is just trying to get a rise out of her and Maya is annoyed she let her for a moment.

"First of all, you basically rocked that delivery all on your own. Carina barely said 3 words once Janet started pushing. She was there more for your emotional support than anything. And second, she wasn't looking at what you were doing, she was looking at your face. Girl totally has it bad."

Despite Maya's best efforts, she feels a little hopeful at that. It's not a surprise Carina is into her, they've admitted that much to each other. It's still nice to hear it again, especially coming from another person.

It also worries her, though. If they're this obvious, how long before Andrew catches on?

That thought has Maya panicking and she's about to tell Andy they should just go and she'll text Carina to follow up on Janet, but then because of terribly perfect timing, Carina just so happens to choose that moment to walk back into the waiting room.

"You're still here," Carina says in a soft voice, her eyes smiling brighter than her mouth.

"Maya wanted to check on Janet one last time," Andy says before Maya can even open her mouth. "I'm going to check with Dr. Hunt and make sure there isn't any more paperwork I need to fill out. Maya, come find me in the rig when you're done. Thanks for all your help, Carina." She's walking away before Maya can stop her, an annoying smirk on her face that tells Maya she knows exactly what she's doing.

Maya knows for a fact Andy doesn't have any more paperwork to fill out. She watched Andy finish signing everything herself before she went up to wait for an update on Janet.

When Maya turns back to Carina, she sees Carina eyeing Andy like she's aware of the stunt she's pulling too, but she doesn't look disappointed. In fact, she seems delighted to spend a little more time with Maya. The thrill that zips around Maya's chest at that thought is wrong for so many reasons, but mostly because it's such a welcomed feeling.

"I just wanted to make sure Janet and the baby were all settled in," Maya says.

"They're perfect. You did such a good job, Maya." Carina smiles at Maya like she's never been so proud. "Would you like to see them?"

Maya's brain tells her to say no, but her mouth has a mind of its own and instead says, "yes, definitely."

She apparently just can't help herself when it comes to spending more time with Carina. Not that she minds her inability to say no to her, but she's stubborn enough to be annoyed at how little control she now has when it comes to standing her ground with Carina. She knows it's only a matter of time before she breaks her promise to Andrew unless she can find some more willpower somewhere in her brain.

Carina gives Maya a pleased little hum and says, "follow me."

They arrive at Janet's room quickly. Carina leans back against the counter of the nurse's station outside the room and nods towards the window to Janet's room. Janet is lying in bed fast asleep, sharing the bed with her boyfriend, Javier, who was at work during the fire, but met them in the ER as soon as they arrived. Javier is cradling their daughter in his arms, staring at her with absolute wonder in his eyes as she clutches onto his finger.

"They named her Natalia," Carina says.

"That's a pretty name."

"I suggested they name her 'Maya', but apparently they promised Javier's grandmother they would name her Natalia."

Maya looks over at Carina with a bemused expression. "You did not," she accuses.

"Yes I did. Maya is a beautiful name," Carina smirks.

Maya's eyes flit over Carina's face, trying to gauge whether she's being serious or not. There's a slight flicker in Carina's smile, it falls for just a fraction of a second, and Maya knows she's just messing with her. She lets her get away with it though, she's just happy Carina said her name is beautiful.

"It's pretty wild that baby was screaming in our aid car just a few minutes ago," Maya jokes.

Carina finally takes her eyes off Maya and looks back at the family. "And now she's sleeping happily with her Mamma and Papa. It's very special, isn't it?"

Maya has to admit, it warms her heart to see. She's never really cared for babies, typically avoids them at all costs. She once told Carina she had no idea how she dealt with crying babies all day and actually enjoyed it. Standing here though, seeing the look of adoration on Javier's face as he looks at Natalia, seeing Janet's hand reaching over to lay against Natalia's back as they both sleep soundly, Maya is starting to see the appeal.

“It is,” she admits. “It’s incredible you get to do this every day. Do you ever get used to it?”

Carina shakes her head and smiles as she says, “not really, no. Nothing beats the moment when you hand a newborn baby to their parents for the first time. The look in their eyes, the way they smile--it makes my heart smile every time.”

“You have such a nice smile,” Maya mutters.

She presses a hand to her mouth when she realizes she said that aloud. She was so focused on staring at Carina’s smile, she wasn’t able to make sure her brain kept that humiliating thought inside her skull.

Carina looks over at Maya and honestly looks breathless for a moment. She wasn’t expecting the compliment, but she’s clearly grateful for it. After a few seconds, her smile softens and she leans in to press her shoulder against Maya’s. Maya leans into the pressure automatically.

“You have a nice smile too,” Carina admits. “I feel uhm…bugs in my stomach every time I see it.”

Maya bites back a laugh at the endearing slip up. “Butterflies,” she corrects. “You feel butterflies.”

“Ah yes, those.”

“Really? Every time?” Maya asks. She needs to know the answer.

She thought she was the only one completely caught up in this thing between them. She knows Carina has feelings for her too, but she didn’t know exactly how deep they ran. Maya is the one who shut things down, so she thought (hoped a little bit, but mostly dreaded) maybe Carina was moving on from this thing that could never happen between them. Apparently Maya isn’t the only one incapable of moving on.

Carina uncrosses her arms so she can reach down and link two fingers with Maya’s. She tugs on her hand until Maya looks up at her. “Every. Single. Time,” she says slowly.

The words cut through Maya’s very being. She feels those words in her ribs, her throat, her knees. She leans more against Carina and it isn’t just because she wants to be closer to her. She needs the extra support in case her legs give out.

Maya has never wanted to kiss Carina more than she does right now. Screw the fact that Andrew is somewhere in this hospital and could stumble upon them at any moment. She doesn’t even care that nurses and doctors are milling around the hallway and she knows how news travels through this hospital.

Let them talk.

Let them tell Andrew.

Let them tell everybody.

Carina wants it too given that she starts to lean in, just the slightest bit. Maya could just let this happen and deal with the consequences. It would be so easy. Her eyelids actually start to flutter closed and she thinks she might finally do it.

But then Maya's radio pinned to her shoulder crackles with a call from dispatch and Maya jerks back, though she doesn't let go of Carina's hand. Not yet.

“I have to go,” Maya says, clearing her throat and hoping the disappointment in her tone doesn’t make her sound too pathetic. She doesn't think she's successful in that endeavor.

Carina looks just as let down, but she also gives Maya an understanding smile. “Do you have to? Can't Andy go without you?” She asks even though she already knows the answer.

"If only," Maya hums.

“Well hopefully this call won’t be quite as eventful as the last few hours have been. You look exhausted,” Carina teases.

Maya laughs, squeezing Carina’s hand one more time before she drops it. “I guess if I’m still able to give you butterflies even when I’m looking this exhausted, then I must be doing pretty well.”

“You always do,” Carina says with a smirk, her voice low.

Maya’s really glad she’s already dropped Carina’s hand. If she hadn’t, she knows she wouldn’t have been strong enough to resist pulling her closer and finally giving into her desire to kiss her. Instead, she starts backing away slowly.

“I’ll see you at home tomorrow, okay?”

“I’ll see you at home. Go save the day, be Super Woman."

"Oh, I'm a superhero now?" Maya laughs.

"You save lives, you're a beautiful and strong bad ass. You would fit in those silly movies Andrea watches."

Maya's whole body floods with warmth at the compliment and she knows she needs to leave right now or she'll ruin her entire relationship with Andrew and probably get fired for ditching a call. She thinks it might be worth it if it meant she got to be with Carina, but she scrapes together the last of the willpower she has in her being and keeps backing away.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Maya says instead of everything else she would like to say.

They give each other one last smile, letting that say everything they know they shouldn’t put into words.

Maya pretends it’s enough for now.

Chapter Text

A week later, Maya finds herself in a situation she isn’t sure she’s capable of handling. Andrew is away in Portland for two days helping Dr. Grey with a case, which means Maya and Carina have the house to themselves. It’s something they’ve experienced before while Andrew was practically living at the hospital, but he was always nearby, still in the same city and capable of returning home at a moment's notice.

This is different. He's in another state. Out of sight, out of mind.

And given how things have been escalating between Maya and Carina lately, Maya doesn’t know if she’s strong enough to not finally give into the temptation.

That becomes more than evident 5 minutes after Maya wakes up that first morning he's gone.

Maya tries to talk herself out of it, she really does. The mental conversation may only last 10 seconds, but she tries.

Maya has the day off and Carina leaves for work really early before Maya is awake. So she was long gone when Maya comes downstairs to the kitchen for coffee and sees Carina's lunch bag sitting on the counter. Maya has seen her leave it before when she's in a rush to make it to the hospital for a delivery or surgery, but usually she remembers and runs back in to grab it or asks Andrew to bring it to her. Since Andrew is in Portland though, that isn't an option.

Carina is an adult, Maya knows, and is fully capable of figuring out a back up plan for lunch. But Maya also knows how much Carina dislikes the hospital cafeteria's food. Maya also knows Carina is too kind to send an intern out to pick her up lunch from one of the nearby restaurants, which means Carina likely won't eat lunch today.

Maya opens and closes her message thread with Carina on her phone four times, debating whether or not to ask Carina if she wants her to bring her lunch by the hospital. Carina, being Carina, will tell Maya it isn't a big deal and she will figure something else out for lunch. That 'something else' has a 90% chance of being a granola bar from the vending machine and nothing else.

Maya can't let that happen, even if that is ridiculous.

She's pretty sure Carina would do the same thing for her.

So she makes her protein smoothie and then heads upstairs to change before grabbing Carina's lunch bag off the counter and heading towards Grey-Sloan.

She did try to talk herself out of it, she just didn't put up a very good fight.

As soon as Maya steps through the doors at Grey-Sloan she tells herself this is stupid. She's being ridiculous. She's so desperate to spend time with Carina, she's going out of her way on this silly mission just to see her.

She's lost it.

But that doesn't stop her from following the signs to the labor and delivery floor. She doesn't know exactly how to find Carina once she's there. She figures she will probably have to ask a nurse or whoever is at the desk, which means she'll have to ask another person about Carina and try to keep the nerves out of her voice.

Maya hopes she's capable of that.

Luckily, or maybe unluckily, Stephanie finds her first, so at least she'll be talking to a familiar face. Hopefully she won't pick up on how weird Maya knows she's being, though.

"Maya, hey. What are you doing here?" Stephanie asks when she spots her.

"Hey, uh…I was just looking for Carina. She left her lunch at home." Maya holds up the bag for evidence.

Stephanie looks at her curiously, like she thinks it's strange Maya came here just for that. "Well that was nice of you," she says, though she sounds skeptical.

Maya sees the moment where it clicks for Stephanie and she realizes Maya might have an ulterior motive here. Her confused expression twists into a cross between teasing and glee.

"So you and Carina, huh?" Stephanie smirks.

"We're friends," Maya clarifies, though it doesn't even sound true when she says it anymore. "I had the day off, so I didn't mind bringing it."

It sounds silly saying it aloud, but she's already made it this far, so she can't go back now.

"Uh huh," Stephanie says, like she doesn't believe her.

Before Stephanie can push further though, Amelia Shepherd walks by and chirps, "Edwards, let's go."

"On my way!" She calls after her. "We're actually consulting on a patient of Carina's if you want to follow me," Stephanie tells her.

Maya nods and follows along, several strides behind considering Stephanie is moving at a jog to catch back up to Amelia. Maya is anxious to see Carina, but she isn't about to run through the hospital halls.

They make it to the room and Stephanie tells Maya, "wait a minute and I'll tell her you're here," before walking through the door.

Maya waits awkwardly, looking inside the room and seeing Carina's back towards her. She's of course in those damned pink scrubs that make her look so cute it takes substantially much more effort on Maya's part to remember how to speak around her.

She can't hear what they're saying in the room and wouldn't want to invade the patient's privacy anyway, but she can hear enough to know Carina has taken on that tone she normally gets with patients. Maya heard it over the phone during Janet's delivery and a couple other times when Carina is in the ER while Maya drops off a patient. She takes on this warm, nurturing tone that sets her patients totally at ease. Even during a consult with a neurosurgeon, which can't mean anything good, the woman lying in the bed hardly looks nervous at all.

Maya really enjoys getting to see Carina in her work element. She's always confident, but there's something so sure about her movements and the way she speaks. Carina has absolutely zero doubts about what she says and does. Maya feels the same way at work. She knows it's because she's doing the job she's meant to be doing. Maya thinks Carina was born to be a doctor. It might run in the family, but Carina was already destined for this anyway.

The consult lasts a few minutes and then Stephanie and Amelia leave the room. Stephanie sends Maya a quick goodbye wave, but she's so focused on whatever Amelia is saying that she barely pays Maya any attention. Maya doesn't mind, she's more focused on Carina anyway.

Carina talks to the patient for a few more moments, they share a laugh, and then Carina leaves the room. Her face lights up when she sees Maya standing there.

"Maya, hi," Carina says, her voice full of excitement. "What are you doing here?"

"You forgot your lunch," Maya says, holding out the bag in her hand. "I know you don't like the cafeteria food and I didn't have any other plans today." Maya shrugs to try and make it seem like it's no big deal.

There's a moment where Maya can't decipher Carina's facial expression, something deeper than gratitude that Maya can't name, but it only lasts a split second before Carina smiles.

"That was very sweet of you. Thank you," Carina says. She walks closer and lays the chart she's holding on the counter at the nurse's station. "You didn't have to do that."

"I didn't have anything else to do," Maya shrugs again.

Carina takes her lunch bag, letting her fingers trail across the back of Maya's hand, which Maya knows was on purpose based on Carina's smirk.

"Thank you," Carina says. There's a lull as silence falls between them and they don't know where to go next, but then an idea sparks behind Carina's eyes. "Since you don't have anything to do, what if you spent the day with me?"

Maya feels her stomach flutter at the idea of spending a whole day with Carina.

"That would be amazing, but I thought you were working all day?" Maya says curiously.

"I am, but what if you shadowed me? You were perfect during Janet's delivery, but it never hurts to get more experience," Carina says. "I can ask Dr. Bailey. You will only observe, so I don't think she will mind."

Maya thinks this is probably a little crazy, but she's nodding and agreeing before she can talk herself out of it. This opportunity is just too good to pass up.

"Yes, definitely. That sounds really great."

"Perfetto," Carina says, absolutely beaming.

"I have one condition though," Maya says. "You have to give me a pair of those sweet pink scrubs to wear."

Carina rolls her eyes at the joke, but then her smile turns downright devilish. "Oh, don't worry. I will definitely be getting you out of those clothes." She pauses for dramatic effect before adding, "and into some pink scrubs."

Maya's brain short circuits and she thinks she might need Stephanie and Amelia to come back here and give her an MRI or something because she definitely isn't okay after that statement.

Carina shoots her a wink and then curls her fingers to tell Maya to follow her.

Yeah, maybe this is actually a terrible idea.

Dr. Bailey agrees to the arrangement. Maya isn't really that surprised. She's pretty sure there's no one capable of saying no to Carina. Except for Maya when it comes to their feelings of course, but Maya thinks her resolve is slipping for that one.

Maya doesn't look nearly as good in the pink scrubs as Carina does, but Carina still tells her she looks cute, which causes Maya's cheeks to turn a darker shade of pink than the scrubs.

Carina introduces Maya to all her patients as 'my friend, firefighter Maya Bishop' with a proud smile. Maya's chest floods with warmth every time at how proud Carina is to introduce Maya, almost like she's showing her off. Maya has to admit, it gives her a big ego boost.

Getting to fully see Carina in work mode is Maya's new favorite thing. She's just so good. All of Carina's patients adore her, which is no surprise. Even the new patients meeting her for the time are fawning over her within seconds. Maya notices some of the patients' husbands, and even a couple of the patients themselves, check Carina out and Maya can't blame then, but Carina is totally oblivious to it. Her sole focus is on her patient and their baby, or in the case of a mom pregnant with triplets, babies. Carina is so caring and attentive. She eases every concern any of the parents have.

Carina talks Maya through everything, but Maya is pretty sure even if she weren't here, she would still explain everything to the patient. She uses medical terms, but says them in a way that makes it easy for the patients to understand without seeming like she's talking down to them.

Maya hangs on her every word, but she learns a lot too. They go over some of this in the fire academy, but it's usually being taught by men who don't know what they're talking about so it isn't exactly the most educational experience. A lot of Maya's training has been on the job, but they don't encounter too many laboring mothers, so she's actually really glad Carina had this idea. Of course she's enjoying spending more time with her too, but she's grateful for the learning opportunity as well.

She finds herself wishing she had thought of doing this before. Andrew joins her in the aid car all the time, so it makes sense for Maya to do the same. She of course can't join in on Andrew's surgeries though, but this is somethinh Maya can do. She listens and observes, taking this whole thing very seriously.

It wasn't until the other night when she saw Janet with her baby that Maya had delivered that she finally understood some of the appeal about having babies. Maya doesn't think she wants her own, at least not for a long time, but she has to admit seeing parents hold their babies for the first time is really special. Carina is beaming every time she hands over a baby for the first time and her eyes are even a little glassy with tears at the touching moment. She truly loves what she does.

Carina is excellent at encouraging her patients through their deliveries. Maya thinks she could probably convince most of them to run through a brick wall if she really wanted to. She uses that special tone of hers that convinces her patients they're capable of doing pretty much anything, but especially giving birth.

At lunch time, Carina shares her food with Maya despite Maya's protests that she can just buy something from the cafeteria. Carina insists and once again, Maya isn't capable of refusing her.

They sit at a table by themselves, eating and talking about the appointments Carina has lined up for that afternoon. Maya asks questions about certain techniques or what Carina would do in situations where things don't go perfectly. Carina has a well thought out response prepared for every single question Maya throws at her. Maya almost wishes she had a notebook to write all this stuff down, but she wouldn't want to focus on anything else but the words Carina is saying (and maybe the way her mouth moves when she says them, but that's besides the point).

Maya finds herself wishing this day would never end.

They go to Joe's Bar after Carina is done with patients for the day. It's Carina's suggestion and Maya is pretty sure she's wanting to prolong their day together too. They would still be together if they went home instead, but there's something about spending time alone outside of their normal routine at home that feels so special.

"What? Why are you smiling like that?" Carina asks as she wipes her fingers on a napkin.

They're tucked away in one of the booths at the back of the bar. It's a relatively slow night compared to the other times Maya has been here, but they still wanted some privacy.

"Nothing, I've just never seen someone crush a plate of mozzarella sticks that quickly. And that's saying something because they're Jack's favorite bar food," Maya teases.

"Don't judge me," Carina laughs. "I know I complain that Americans fry all their food, but fried cheese has no right tasting this good." She picks up the last little overcooked piece in the basket and dramatically crunches it in her mouth.

"No judgment, I promise," Maya smiles. "It's impressive, honestly. You should challenge Jack to see who can eat an order of mozzarella sticks the fastest some time. You'd kick his ass for sure. Getting knocked down a few pegs would serve him well, he's been too cocky lately."

"I will remember that next time we're all here. Making men look like fools is my favorite sport."

Maya laughs aloud at that one, head tossed back and definitely being too loud given they're in a bar with about a dozen other people, but she couldn't care less. She just spent the whole day with Carina and she has two drinks flowing through her bloodstream. She's happy and light and her heart is buzzing. She'll laugh as loudly as she wants to.

When Maya settles and looks back at Carina, she finds Carina is looking at her with fire in her eyes and a wide smirk. Maya is pretty sure she knows exactly what Carina is thinking. It's what Maya has been thinking since she saw Carina step out of the attendings' lounge, freshly showered and changed out of her scrubs. Her hair was still a little wet, pulled back in a loose bun. Her shirt was so low cut it's maybe a millimeter away from not being appropriate to wear to work and her legs were so impossibly long with her fitted pants and heels that Maya swears her heart stopped beating.

Maya had been so tempted to pull Carina into one of those on-call rooms she's heard all the rumors about that she had to fake getting a call from Andy just so she could excuse herself down the hallway and catch her breath for a minute.

Carina is looking at her right now the exact same way Maya is sure she was looking at Carina earlier.

The drinks Maya's had and the reminder that Andrew is hours away in Portland have her glancing towards the bar bathroom, wondering if she's really desperate enough to pull Carina in there with her.

She thinks she is.

But while she's had a couple hookups in that exact bar bathroom before, she doesn't want that with Carina. It's one of the nicer bar bathrooms she's ever been in, but the lights are too bright and the lock on the door was broken last time she was in there and the air freshener is cloying to the point it gives her a headache.

That's definitely not an appropriate spot for a hookup with Carina.

She's wondering if maybe she should suggest they go home, but before she can truly decide, she hears someone say Carina's name in a bright voice and she looks over to see Arizona Robbins approaching their table.

"Carina, hi," Arizona says, smiling at Carina for a full five seconds before acknowledging Maya as well. "Maya, it's nice to see you again."

"Hello, Arizona," Carina says, her voice light and happy.

"Nice to see you too, Arizona," Maya lies.

She's been having the perfect day with Carina and she was hoping it would lead into the perfect night, but Arizona definitely isn't part of her idea of a perfect night.

Arizona sends a quick smile in Maya's direction and then returns her focus to Carina. "I was waiting for April, but she got pulled into an emergency surgery so I was going to head home. I saw you over here on my way out and wanted to say hi since I didn't see you at the hospital today."

"Yes, today was very busy, lots of babies to deliver," Carina says. "Maya actually shadowed me today so she could get some training, though she doesn't need it. She's already great." Carina gives Maya her biggest smile.

An electric surge of pride shoots up her spine and she has such whiplash from the sudden emotional shift from jealousy to this that she feels dizzy. She pushes her drink a few inches away, not needing to make this feeling even worse with more alcohol.

"I'm sure she is," Arizona hums like she isn't really that interested. "You're an excellent teacher and we can all benefit from time with you."

Maya forces a tight smile like Arizona didn't just undercut Carina's compliment about her. There's that jealousy again. She really doesn't like that emotion.

"Well, I guess I'll get going. Drinking alone is never fun," Arizona says, glancing at the empty spot in the booth next to Carina.

Maya can tell exactly what she's doing. She wants to join them and continue her obvious flirtation with Carina. Arizona clearly isn't even fazed that Maya is literally sitting right here. She must not see Maya as competition and admittedly, that stings.

Maya feels her walls building back up. She feels her brain reaching for that self-destruct button and she's about to blow this whole thing up, lash out before she can get hurt. Maybe Carina should just try to be happy with Arizona. That's what Maya has been pushing all along, anything to keep her from having to get up the nerve to tell Andrew about her feelings. Maybe this is the moment where that can happen.

She's just about to open her mouth and ruin everything by offering that Arizona join them when Carina speaks up before she can.

"Have a good night," Carina says, effectively shutting down the offer Arizona was searching for.

Arizona looks a little surprised. She definitely saw this going differently. Honestly, Maya did too. Arizona looks back and forth between Carina and Maya for a moment before realization dawns on her. She must think they're together or at least is picking up on the obvious attraction between them. She takes a half step back, admitting defeat.

"I'll see you around the hospital," Arizona nods in Carina's direction. "Take care, Maya." She offers a small wave and tries to hide the fact her ego is definitely a little bruised.

"See you," Carina hums.

Maya returns the wave, but can't manage to make her mouth form any words right now.

She had been so close to ruining this perfect day they just had, it's taking her brain a minute to catch back up to the shift in direction. Maya was expecting for Arizona to already be seated across from her, far too close to Carina. She had been planning to excuse herself after a moment and telling Carina and Arizona to enjoy the rest of their night. She had been preparing for the devastation she was going to see on Carina's face when she messed up everything. She had been steeling herself for the moment she realized she broke Carina's heart.

But now, Arizona is walking out of the bar and Carina is nudging at Maya's ankle with the toe of her shoe.

"We should play darts," Carina suggests, a competitive smirk on her face.

Maya shakes the last lingering thoughts away of how she thought this night was going to go and focuses instead on the possibilities of this new direction.

"You really want to challenge me? You know how competitive I am," Maya warns with a playful smile.

"I do, and I still think we should play. You are underestimating my skills." She pauses and then adds, "I have many skills you haven't even seen yet."

Maya feels her breath catch in her throat. There's no doubting what Carina means by that. Maya is reconsidering not wanting to hook up in the bathroom, but she stays strong. They can do so much better than a bar bathroom. And besides, she kind of wants to see how this game of darts plays out. Maya Bishop can never back down from a challenge.

"I'll bet you do," Maya smirks. "But being able to beat me at darts isn't one of them."

Carina laughs at Maya's boldness and slides out of the booth. She reaches out a hand to Maya and says, "come on, Bishop. Let's go find out how wrong you are."

"You're on, DeLuca," Maya grins.

She takes Carina's hand and lets her pull her up out of the booth. Carina doesn't drop her hand as she walks over to the dart board, only let's go when it becomes necessary for them to actually start the game.

Maya lets Carina start. She steps up to the line and takes a moment to arrange her stance. Maya bites her lip as she watches. She thinks it's really cute how seriously Carina is taking this when there's no way she'll be able to beat Maya.

Carina let's out a little breath, then looks over at Maya. She shoots her a wink that makes Maya's heart flip in her chest, then turns back to the board. She brings up a dart and lines it up before she lets it fly. She looks back at Maya with a cocky grin.

Maya was still staring at Carina so she didn't even see where the dart hit. When she turns and finally sees, she thinks maybe agreeing to this was a bad idea.

It's a perfect bullseye.

Maya's confidence must visibly falter because Carina let's out a little laugh.

Well shit. Maybe she should've just suggested they go home after all.

"How could I possibly have cheated? You watched me the whole time," Carina laughs as Maya unlocks the door to the townhouse.

Maya grumbles as she pushes open the door. She's never liked losing, hates it really. Even if it's just a friendly game of darts. Maya Bishop doesn't lose.

But she did. Badly.

Carina is never going to let her forget it.

"Well I want a rematch," Maya says.

"Sure, if you think that will help." Carina bumps her hip into Maya's playfully as she passes by in the entryway and heads to the kitchen.

Maya watches as Carina passes the couch and reaches for Whiskers, who is perched along the back. She scratches behind his ears and mumbles something in Italian in a playful tone. She didn't like the cat at first, but he's definitely grown on her. She even leaves her bedroom door open a bit at night so he can sleep curled up on the end of her bed whenever he wants.

Carina steps into the kitchen and goes immediately for the cabinet where the glasses are kept. It took her a few weeks to remember where everything was kept, but now she knows it better than Maya. She'll sometimes use a utensil to cook that Maya didn't even know they owned.

Carina pulls two glasses down from the cabinet and steps over to the sink to fill them both with water. She knows Maya always likes to drink a glass of water after a night spent drinking. She didn't even need to ask if Maya wanted one.

In just a couple short months, Carina has perfectly weaved herself into Maya's life, her home, her heart. She's friends with Maya's friends. She's familiar with firefighting lingo and hardly ever asks for an explanation now when Maya shares stories. She's gotten better about cleaning up her messes because she knows they bother Maya. She knows Maya's favorite foods and cooks them for her whenever she's had a tough shift.

Carina fits into her life so seamlessly, Maya hardly remembers a time when she wasn't around.

Maya doesn't want to remember a time when Carina wasn't around. She never again wants to live a life without Carina in it.

Maya kicks off her shoes and drops her keys on the table by the door, right next to a picture of Andrew and Carina as little kids at the beach, their hair wet and wild from the ocean. They have sand covering their legs and their hands and lips are stained red from Italian ice as they grin at their mom's camera. They're both missing the same front tooth. Andrew told her Carina had lost hers first and Andrew was jealous so he forced his same tooth out well before it was ready. It took almost a year before the adult tooth finally came through, by which time he was already in America with his mom. Andrew said this day was the last good memory they had as an intact family. He put the picture on the table shortly after Carina arrived and complained about the lack of family photos. Carina had teared up when she saw it.

Maya smiles at the picture. It's one of her favorites in the whole house. It's prominently displayed on the table next to pictures of Maya and the station 19 team, Andrew and Travis at a Seattle Storm game, Maya and Andrew out at Joe's Bar, Maya on the Olympic podium, Andrew and Carina at his white coat ceremony, Maya and Andy the day they graduated the fire academy. The most important parts of their lives are displayed on this table, the ones they want to share with everyone.

There's one more picture there as well. It's the newest addition, one Maya added just a week ago. It's a picture of Maya, Andrew, and Carina taken at station 19. It was taken on a day when Andrew had been helping on the aid car and Carina came to have dinner with them for Travis' birthday. They're all seated together at the dinner table, Andrew in between them both with his arms stretched around their shoulders. They had been posing for a picture, but this one is candid. They were smiling and then Dean made some dumb joke that had them all cracking up. That's the moment Vic had snapped the picture, when they're all mid-laugh.

They all look so happy and carefree. Carina looks so comfortable it's like she's always been there. Maya doesn't know if she's ever seen herself look so joyful before. Andrew has his head tilted back and eyes closed with laughter, the definition of unbridled joy.

Maya hopes she will get to see him this happy again after she does what she's about to do next.

She walks into the kitchen just as Carina finishes filling up the second glass of water. Carina turns and hands one to Maya before taking a sip from her own glass. Carina only turned on the light above the sink, so the kitchen is mostly dark. The soft light glows against Carina's skin and Maya loses her breath at how beautiful she looks.

Maya takes a long drink of water, needing to wash down the nerves bubbling up in her throat.

This is it. She's been putting this off for months, but she can't anymore.

"Today was amazing," Maya tells her, unable to stop from smiling as she remembers it.

Carina smiles too, tilting her head to the side. "It was a great day, wasn't it?"

Maya nods, taking a slow step closer. "I want all of our days to be like this."

One of Carina's eyebrows jumps up almost impossibly high. "Are you considering joining me in OB? Ben would be so proud of you wanting to change careers," she teases.

"No, I mean…" Maya trails off with a nervous laugh.

She's really doing this.

Here goes nothing.

"I want to be with you," Maya finally says. Her words are barely more than a breath, but they're enough.

Carina gives her a sad smile. She shakes her head like she doesn't understand why Maya is bringing this up, like she wishes she weren't, like she wants to know why Maya is ruining this perfect day but reminding her they can't be together.

"I know. I want that too, but you promised Andrea," Carina says with a shrug of her shoulder. Her eyes glance towards her bedroom door and she clearly just wants out of this situation. She doesn't want to keep being reminded of what she can't have.

She doesn't know Maya is trying to tell her they can have it.

"I know, but I'm saying that…" Maya pauses to breathe, needing one last little push to go back on her word, something she's never done before. "I don't think I can keep that promise anymore. I don't want to."

Carina's eyes widen. She hesitates like she wants to take a step forward, but she stops herself. Her hand is shaking a little as she sets her glass of water down on the counter. She balls her hands together and holds them against her stomach to try and prevent anymore shaking.

"You mean…?" She trails off, unable to actually say the words. Maya thinks she's afraid to say the words because she's worried they might not be true.

Maya smiles and takes that step closer towards Carina that she's too afraid to take herself. They've been afraid long enough. Maya is done being afraid. She'll figure everything else out later. Right now she just wants to finally kiss Carina.

"I mean, I want to tell Andrew I can't keep that stupid promise anymore," she says with a little laugh.

Admitting that feels like such a weight lifted off her shoulders. She's held herself back from day one and she doesn't have to do it anymore. There's a bit of guilt still over the fact Andrew might react very poorly to this, but she pushes it down. He's in a different state, so she's able to ignore telling him for now. Right now, she's able to focus on the most beautiful woman she's ever seen. She's able to focus on telling that woman she wants to be with her and that they finally can be.

Carina's face lights up with a smile and she starts to take another step forward, but again she stops herself. Her hand shoots out to grip the edge of the counter and hold herself in place. There's still something keeping her from giving in.

"Are you sure?" She asks, her smile fading into a serious look.

Now that Maya has given into her feelings, she's having a really hard time not just closing the distance between them and finally, finally finding out what Carina's lips taste like. She understands the hesitancy. She's going back on a rule she's held so firmly the entire time she's known Carina. They're entering new territory and it's a little daunting, so she gets needing confirmation this is real. It's all she's wanted for so long and it almost doesn't feel real to even herself and she's the one initiating it.

"Yes, Carina. I'm--"

"No, Maya, wait," Carina cuts her off. She lets out a shaky breath and continues. "I need you to be really sure, absolutely sure. I have been holding my feelings for you inside, trying to push them down and making myself miserable. But I did it because I respect your decision and I don't want to mess with you and Andrew. I lo--" she stops herself short, but corrects herself quickly so Maya barely even has the chance to realize what she almost just admitted. "I care about you both so much and I don't want to come between you. So if I let those feelings out, there's no way I will ever be able to contain them again. I need you to be sure."

It's Maya's hands that are shaking this time. She takes that one last step forward and reaches for Carina's hands where they're tangled together again in front of her stomach. Maya gently pulls them apart and takes one in each of her hands, holding them surely. Her hands stop shaking once they're holding Carina's, as if she's giving her all the confidence she needs.

Maya has to admit she feels stronger just being this close to Carina, breathing the same air and feeling those breaths across her forehead. Which is ironic considering she also feels terrified being this close. They've been building up to this for so long and Maya is a little afraid they're going to find out there isn't actually anything there, that it was only just the forbidden desire aspect that made this feel like anything real.

But then Carina squeezes her hands and pulls her in until their stomachs are pressed together and the surge Maya feels tells her she was a fool for ever being worried this wasn't anything other than completely real. Maya has an idea of what she thinks this feeling is, but she's never felt that before so she doesn't think about it right now. She can deal with it later.

Right now, all she needs to focus on is reassuring Carina.

"I am so sure," Maya admits. She's tilting back a bit so she can look Carina in the eye and make sure she knows how serious she's being. Holding herself back just those few inches is almost impossible considering the damn near gravitational pull she feels towards Carina, but she does it. "I'm really, absolutely, totally, completely, 100% sure."

Carina's face breaks out into another smile and she tilts her head down to close nearly all the distance between them, but she stops a few inches short. "Can I finally kiss you?" She asks in a low, sultry voice that would have Maya's head spinning if it weren't already.

"Hell yes," Maya says, barely able to give her a smirk before Carina leans in again.

Maya has always thought the movies, songs, and books were ridiculous for the ways they depict first kisses. Fireworks go off, time stops, the earth drops off its gravitational axis and all that bullshit. Maya has kissed plenty of people, she's had good ones and great ones, but she's never felt anything remotely close to that so she always just assumed the songwriters and the poets were full of shit.

She still kind of thinks they're full of shit, even after having kissed the person she has the strongest feelings for that she's ever felt. She kisses Carina and there aren't any fireworks. Time doesn't stop and the earth doesn't stop spinning.

Instead, she feels the strongest surge of calm flood over her. She feels heat course through her whole body too, of course, but she mostly just feels calm.

When Maya was younger and traveled the country for track meets, she would look out of airplane windows at the clouds and imagine floating in them. Those white, puffy clouds seemed like the safest harbor she could ever imagine. She could float within them and never have to worry about anything else ever again. She could be weightless and painless. She could escape all of her fears and concerns. Everything else around her would fade away into quietness and she could finally be at peace.

Kissing Carina feels like floating in the clouds.

She kisses Carina and her heart feels totally at ease. She has almost an out of body experience like she's floating above herself watching this happen. She sees herself kissing Carina, sees Carina's hands tug on her hips, sees her own hands cup Carina's face like she's holding the most delicate thing she's ever touched. She can feel those things happening too, her senses are aware, but she's also able to visualize every single point of contact.

Maya is floating above herself and for the first time maybe ever in her entire life, she's at peace.

Then Carina's fingers dig into her hips and she snaps back into focus. Maya's whole body feels warm. There's heat radiating outward from wherever Carina touches her. Her heart starts racing and she pulls back for a second so she can suck in a shaky breath.

Carina let's out a soft laugh. "I've thought about this every day since I got to Seattle and yet…the real thing is so much better."

"Yeah, I've been told I'm a pretty excellent kisser," Maya grins, somehow being confident even though she's totally out of breath.

Carina rolls her eyes and laughs. "Shut up," she mumbles.

Carina brings her hands up to Maya's face. She traces her fingers across Maya's jaw, down the slope of her nose, over her lips. Maya watches Carina's eyes, which follow the path of her fingers, and no one has ever looked at her this way. Carina looks at her like she knows every single detail about Maya's life, everything she's accomplished and her deepest desires. She looks at Maya like she knows every dark secret and every terrible thing she's ever done, but she doesn't care about any of it. She doesn't judge her or hold anything against her. Carina looks at her like she knows absolutely everything there is to know about Maya Bishop and yet she still wants to know more.

Maya wants Carina to know more. She wants her to know everything from her past, her present, and maybe terrifyingly, even her future. She wants Carina to stick around and find out all the things even Maya has yet to learn about herself.

This is all so overwhelming, but instead of wanting to run or float away into the clouds, Maya just pulls Carina closer to her.

Carina is her peace now.

"Baciami," Maya says.

Carina's eyes light up with wonder. "How did you learn that?"

"I might be learning Italian when I have down time at the station," Maya admits.

She hasn't told anyone that. She told herself it was just so she could do something productive in her free time, but of course it was for Carina. Everything she does now is for Carina.

Maya is so far gone for this woman and she doesn't even care.

"And you learned how to say 'kiss me'? That is not usually part of the lesson plan," Carina says in an amused tone. She brings her hands to the back of Maya's neck and twists then playfully into her hair, letting it run through her fingers almost absent-mindedly.

Maya feels her cheeks heat up, but she doesn't care. "I might have looked up a few phrases I thought could come in handy one day."

"Hmm, well I can't wait to hear more," Carina muses.

Carina leans in and kisses her again. Maya is able to focus more on being present this time. She feels Carina's teeth nip at her bottom lip before her tongue dips into her mouth. Carina's nails scratch at the back of her neck and send a thrill shooting down her spine. Maya untucks Carina's blouse and lets her hands slide up her bare back.

Carina gasps into Maya's mouth at the contact and leans back.

"You're sure this is okay?" Carina asks again.

"I promise it's okay," Maya nods.

She tries to lean back in, but Carina pulls back again. Maya looks up and studies Carina's eyes, sees the hesitant question she isn't asking aloud. Maya sighs and brings a hand up to cup Carina's face. Her thumb runs up and down Carina's face and she leans into the touch. The worry on Carina's face eases.

"I'll talk to Andrew as soon as he's back," Maya says, answering Carina's unspoken question.

"Okay," she nods. "I can talk to him with you."

Maya shakes her head and says, "thank you, but I think it should come from me. I'm the one who made that promise, I should be the one to tell him I can't keep it. You can talk to him after, but I should do it first."

Carina nods in agreement and then leans back in. "Until then, can I keep kissing you?" She asks, her lips brushing Maya's.

Maya's head is spinning, but she manages to reply. "Yes, you definitely can. You should."

Maya can feel Carina's smirk and she leans in to kiss her. Carina lets her for a moment, but then she pulls back again. Carina laughs at Maya's frustrated groan.

"I thought you were going to keep kissing me," Maya grumbles. Now that she's kissed Carina, she never wants to stop.

"Don't worry, I am, but I have one more question," she explains. She kisses Maya's cheek, then her jaw, then just below her ear. She brings her lips up to Maya's ear and whispers, "can I take you to bed?"

Maya is surprised her knees don't give out right then and there. She feels like she should be a puddle on the kitchen floor right now and the only reason she isn't is because Carina has an arm around her waist to hold her up.

Maya doesn't want to lose all control here, though. She's usually the one in control in her past romantic encounters. She's sure Carina is going to give her a run for her money and will probably win just like she frustratingly won at darts, but that doesn't mean Maya is going to make it easy on her.

"Do you think you can handle that?" Maya manages to ask.

Carina laughs and nips at Maya's earlobe before she leans back to look at Maya. "When we first met, I was researching female orgasms. Do you even have to ask me that?"

Maya gives up playing hard to get. There's really no point when she knows Carina is going to make this more than worth it if she just gives up control now.

"Solid point, let's go."

Maya leans up for one more kiss and then she takes Carina's hand and pulls her towards the stairs.

Chapter Text

Maya wakes up smiling the next morning. She has Carina pressed against her back and Carina's arm slung around her stomach. Their legs are tangled together and Maya can feel Carina's slow breaths against the back of her neck.

She's never been one for cuddling, but Maya finds herself never wanting to leave this position. She would happily lay right here all day, if only she didn't have to go to work.

She feels so warm and happy, instead of getting up Maya just closes her eyes and tries to enjoy this bliss for a few more minutes.

As if the world is conspiring against her, Maya's alarm on her phone goes off right at that moment, interrupting the slow, happy morning Maya was wanting to have.

Maya has to twist herself out of Carina's embrace to reach for her phone on the floor by her bed. It's still in the back pocket of her jeans that Carina peeled off her legs last night. Maya shivers as she remembers that moment and what happened afterwards, Carina pushing her down onto her back on the bed and getting onto her knees between Maya's legs.

Carina groans behind her, tightening her grip around Maya's stomach just as Maya's fingers are curling around her phone. She silences the alarm and then drops the phone back to the ground.

"Nooo, go away morning," Carina whines behind her.

Maya smiles at how cute and sleepy her voice is. She rolls over so she can face Carina and kisses her nose. It's such an uncharacteristic thing for Maya to do, but the sleepy smile it earns her on Carina's lips makes her glad she did it.

"Buon giorno," Carina mumbles, still not opening her eyes.

"Good morning," Maya says back.

Maya leans in and kisses Carina's cheek, then her chin, then her nose again.

Finally, Carina cracks one eye open and squints at Maya. "Oh good," she says. "I was worried last night was a dream."

"It was better than a dream," Maya says with a sickly sweet grin.

"Yes, it was," Carina says with her own matching smile.

She fully opens her eyes now, and they're so breathtaking from this close, Maya thinks she would fall down if she weren't already lying in bed.

"Did I prove to you I can handle it?"

Maya laughs, remembering her challenge last night. Really, she had no business challenging Carina like that, but it had been worth it. Carina touched Maya like she had something to prove. She made sure Maya came twice before she even let Maya touch her, though it took a bit before she could because Maya needed a breather after that.

"Yes, you definitely did," Maya confirms, though she never truly doubted Carina's abilities.

"Good," Carina says with a proud little smile. "You should call in sick to work today. I will too. I want to stay right here in this bed all day with you."

Maya groans and lets her head fall forward until her forehead is resting against Carina's chin.

"There's nothing I want more, but I can't. I've never called in sick before."

"Good, then you should have plenty of personal days saved up," Carina teases.

Maya really wishes she could be the type of person to fake being sick to get out of work. But no, she's the type of person who won Olympic gold on a sprained ankle. So skipping work to stay in bed all day with her girlfriend doesn't seem like a good enough excuse.

Wait, is Carina even her girlfriend? They should probably talk about that. But not now. Carina's hand is sliding down over her ass to squeeze the back of her thigh and pull her leg up over Carina's hip.

"Don't say no," Carina warns, though not very sternly. She must already know that Maya isn't going to budge on this.

"I'm not saying no, I'm saying not right now," Maya reasons. She raises her head again and looks at Carina. "You're right, I do have a lot of personal days saved up. We'll plan a day to stay home. Maybe even a couple days. Maybe we'll plan to take a trip somewhere."

"Ooo, like a vacation?" Carina asks, her face lighting up with excitement.

"Yes, exactly like that."

Maya doesn't even remember the last time she took a vacation. Has she ever? She used to think of her track meets all around the country as vacations, but she never did anything except train and compete. All her down time was spent preparing for her next race, so she never actually got to enjoy any of the places she visited.

Yeah, Maya is pretty sure she's never had a vacation before. Taking a vacation with Carina sounds pretty magical, though. She didn't even plan to suggest this to Carina, but now she thinks it's the best idea she's ever had. Now that she's had Carina, she never wants to let her go. So multiple days of uninterrupted time with Carina sounds like absolute bliss.

A vacation is definitely going to have to happen sometime soon.

"You sure know how to make a rejection sound appealing," Carina teases.

Maya rolls her eyes. "It's not a rejection, it's just a delayed acceptance."

Now Carina rolls her eyes, but she pulls Maya closer at the same time. "Yeah, yeah, whatever you say."

Carina lets her eyes close again and her breathing slows. She isn't trying to go back to sleep, but wanting to enjoy the last few moments they have of this quiet morning before their days get started. Her face looks so peaceful, like all her worries are abandoned for at least the next few minutes.

Maya has never been able to look at Carina for this long before, especially not this close up. She was always trying to play it safe in front of Andrew or trying not to let Carina catch her staring. But right now, she's able to look at Carina as much as she wants.

She appreciates the sharp angle of Carina's jaw, the delicate slope of her nose, her high cheekbones, that little freckle on her bottom lip that Maya can't help but lean in and press a quick kiss to. Carina's lips curl up into a smile at that, but her eyes stay close.

Carina is so beautiful and Maya doesn't think she'll ever get used to it. She'll never get tired of looking at her and appreciating how gorgeous she is. Maya would lay right here and look at her forever if only she didn't have to go to work.

"This is real, right?" Maya asks, the words slipping out of her mouth before she can even decide to say them.

At that, Carina opens her eyes again. They're soft and warm, like melted chocolate. She studies Maya's face for a moment before she says, "yes, this is real."

Maya's heart does somersaults in her chest. "I'm so happy," Maya admits. "I don't think I've ever been this happy."

Carina's smile reaches her eyes as she leans in and kisses Maya. "Me too," she whispers against her lips as she pulls away.

They lay there quietly for a while, eyes tracing each other's face. Maya knows Carina is trying to commit this moment to memory just like she is. She wants to remember every single detail.

Eventually though, they do have to get up and get ready for work.

"If you won't take the day off with me, will you at least shower with me before getting ready?" Carina asks her when they finally start climbing out of bed. She kinks one of her eyebrows so Maya knows exactly what she's asking for.

"Yes," Maya says immediately, knowing there's literally no other acceptable answer to that question. "Absolutely yes."

Carina smirks at how eager is, but she doesn't tease her for it. It's probably the exact reaction she was hoping for.

"Then let's go," Carina says, walking around the bed.

Maya's eyes rake up and down Carina's naked form. Her long legs look even longer unclothed and her soft, tanned skin is practically begging for Maya to run her tongue over every inch of it. Maya's surprised her eyes don't pop out of her head completely as she watches Carina approach her.

Carina is so unbelievably gorgeous, Maya thinks she might have dreamt her up. Maybe these past couple of months have just been a complete figment of her imagination.

But then Carina takes Maya in her arms and she knows this is real. They're really here right now. Carina really has her arms wrapped around her. They really just had the most mind-blowing night of Maya's life together. Maya might have to spend every day reminding herself this is real, but she doesn't mind.

Carina kisses her again, letting her hands wander down Maya's back until they reach her ass. She squeezes firmly and pulls Maya as close as possible.

"Come on, bambina. I want to enjoy every last moment we have this morning," Carina purrs in her ear.

Maya swallows hard and is unable to speak, so instead she just backs slowly towards her bathroom and pulls Carina with her.

"Bishop, you're late," Andy says the moment Maya walks through the front door at work.

"This is so unlike you," Vic chimes in. "I'm honestly a little disappointed."

They're both posted at the front desk like they've been waiting for her to arrive just so they could harass her about this. Knowing them, they probably have been.

Maya glances at her watch on instinct even though she already knows exactly what it says. 8:00 AM.

She thought about stressing over the time on her drive over, but she couldn't actually bring herself to care all that much. Her morning with Carina was more than worth it. Her thighs are still aching from holding herself up in the shower while Carina was on her knees in front of her. There's no way Maya could ever pass up that experience with Carina just to show up to work at her usual time.

"I'm right on time," Maya says in self defense.

Normally, she would be stressing over not showing up earlier, but today she couldn't care less. She still feels like she's floating on cloud 9 after the past 20-something hours with Carina. There's literally nothing that could bring her down from this high right now. Not even her friends teasing her.

Andy and Vic exchange a look before they say, "on time is late, early is on time," in near perfect harmony. Maya wouldn't be surprised if they practiced that just before Maya walked in.

Maya rolls her eyes, but she doesn't have it in her to be embarrassed about not complying with her own rule. She's still too blissed out.

"Yeah, yeah," Maya mumbles, walking right by the front desk and heading for the stairs to try and evade this situation.

"Hold on!" Vic exclaims. "Do you have the sex swagger right now?"

"Ohhhhh, she totally does!" Andy adds, teasing smirk on full display. "That explains why you're late."

"So who's the lucky person?" Vic asks, one eyebrow cocked up. "Or maybe you're the lucky one considering they were good enough to convince you to be late for work."

They have no idea just how lucky she is.

Part of Maya really wants to divulge to her friends the events of her last 24 hours, but she can't yet. She doesn't want to tell anyone else about this until she's had the chance to talk to Andrew first. She doesn't want to risk this getting back to him from someone else. If she tells Andy and Vic, then Vic will run right upstairs to tell Travis and Travis will tell Andrew so quickly, Maya would be getting a call from Andrew before she even has the chance to change into her uniform.

She can't allow that to happen.

So as much as she wants to share her happiness with her friends, she can't yet. Andrew will be back tomorrow afternoon, she can tell him first and then she can tell her other friends.

Until then, she's keeping her mouth shut.

"I'm not late," Maya scoffs, throwing her hands up in the air and avoiding the other topic of conversation.

Andy and Vic exchange another look.

"She thinks we're fools," Vic tells Andy.

"She really thinks we're going to let her get away with dodging the question," Andy says.

"She is literally standing right here," Maya laughs. "I'm not dodging anything, I just don't have anything to say because nothing happened."

They both turn back towards her with unconvinced expressions.

"Keep telling that lie all you want. We'll figure out the truth," Vic says.

Before they can say anything else, Jack comes clomping down the stairs. Maya never thought she would be so grateful for him.

"Bishop, Herrera, Seattle PD needs our help today. They're organizing a sting operation and need an aid car on standby downtown. That means you two," he tells them.

He's been enjoying this part time captain thing way too much. The temporary authority is definitely going to his head. He's walking differently, talking differently, carrying himself as if he already has the job. It makes Maya roll her eyes most of the time because he's definitely just trying to assert some kind of leverage over Andy.

However, as annoying as it is to admit, Maya does think he's doing a mostly good job. She still wants Andy to get the position, of course, but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if Jack gets it instead. As long as it's one of them, she'll be happy. She just doesn't want an outsider coming in and ruining their perfect dynamic.

"Which precinct?" Andy asks immediately.

Maya knows what she's really asking. She wants to know if Ryan, her childhood best friend turned high school sweetheart, will be there. Andy and Ryan have only ever bickered anytime they've been on a call together in the time Maya has known Andy. It's pretty entertaining, honestly, seeing how sassy Andy gets with him when she usually tries to be so unflappable.

That was before Andy hooked up with Ryan, though. She confessed to Maya they slept together recently and though she hasn't admitted it, Maya is also pretty sure she's also hooking up with Jack again, so the whole thing is a mess. Maya hasn't asked many questions about it. She usually just lets Andy come to her when she's ready to talk about her drama.

"I don't know, they didn't say," Jack says. Judging by the way he stiffens, he knows why Andy is asking too. "They're expecting you soon, so get ready to head out." Jack looks over at Maya and his face scrunches in confusion. "Did you just get here? Why are you late?"

Andy and Vic start laughing, but Maya just huffs.

"I'm not late! I was here right on time."

"Yeah, but you always say--"

"I know what I always say!" Maya cuts him off, not needing to be reminded again.

Maya turns and starts up the stairs, her friends' teasing laughter carrying after her. Now that her back is to them, though, she just smiles the whole way up the stairs. She can handle their teasing. Carina is definitely worth it.

Ryan is, in fact, a part of the sting operation. He greets them when they arrive, focusing mostly on Maya so he can avoid making eye contact with Andy.

He explains to them what's going to happen in as many details as he's allowed to share and hands Maya a tablet with a video feed of the building they're about to invade. He tells them to stay in the lot where they're currently parked until they're called for, and not a moment sooner. The drug ring they're busting is really dangerous, so he doesn't want them there until it's totally safe.

Andy's spine straightens more and more as Ryan explains everything to them. She's clearly worried for him, though she won't say that aloud. Maya is worried too, honestly. She and Ryan aren't much more than acquaintances at best, but he helped her with Mason once when he got arrested for shoplifting, so she's always had a soft spot for him. Sometimes when Andy is complaining about him after they've worked the same call, Maya will try to reason with her and defend him a little.

"You're all being careful, right?" Andy asks, trying to keep her voice as neutral as possible.

Ryan gives her a curious look, taking off his Seattle PD baseball cap so he can look at Andy properly. "Yeah, I'll be careful," he nods. "I'll be okay," he assures her.

Maya picks up on the fact that Andy asked about everyone and Ryan specifically said he would be careful. He knew exactly what Andy was really asking.

Some of the tension seems to melt from Andy's shoulders after that, but not all of it. She still sits ramrod straight when she and Maya climb back into the aid car to begin their waiting game.

"He's going to be okay," Maya tells her, though she knows it's little consolation.

They both know she can't promise that. Anything could happen. They've both seen that firsthand.

"Yeah," is all Andy says in response.

Maya gets the hint that Andy isn't feeling very talkative right now, so she doesn't try again. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and sees she has a text waiting for her that makes her smile.

Carina: 9:12 AM
I miss you <3

Maya's heart starts beating so hard, she's surprised Andy can't hear it from the driver's seat. She tries to bite her lip to suppress her grin, but she knows she's failing as she types out her reply.

Maya: 9:48 AM
I miss you too

Maya: 9:48 AM
We definitely should've called in sick

Maya shoots a glance at Andy, but she's still staring out her window, lost in her own thoughts so she's completely oblivious to Maya's inability to stop smiling. She wants to share her happiness with Andy, she's one of her best friends so of course she does, but she also likes the little bubble she's in right now. Maya knows that bubble can only exist until tomorrow when Andrew gets back, but she'll happily live in it as long as she can.

Carina: 9:50 AM
I told you!!!

Carina: 9:51 AM
You will learn I am always right ;)

Maya does her best to bite back a laugh.

Maya: 9:52 AM
Yeah, I think I'm figuring that out

"What has you smiling like that?"

Andy's voice startles Maya so much that she drops her phone in her lap. She reaches for it quickly and locks the screen so Andy can't see anything.

"Nothing," Maya says like that isn't the worst lie she's ever told.

"Is it the same thing that made you late this morning?" Andy presses. "Or should I say, is it the same someone who made you late?"

Maya groans, wishing Andy would just give this up. She knows if Andy keeps pushing then she'll spill. She's nearly bursting at the seams with joy right now, which is an emotion she's never come anywhere near feeling this strongly, so that urge to tell someone is bubbling right under the surface.

"I don't know what you're talking about," is all Maya says.

Andy rolls her eyes. "You're a terrible liar, Bishop."

Maya doesn't bother fighting her on that one because she knows it's true.

They fall into silence for another few moments and Maya is about to check her phone when Andy speaks up again.

"I slept with Jack," she blurts out, letting out a breath after the words like she's been holding this in for so long and she's relieved it's finally out there.

Maya was already pretty sure of that, but she pretends she wasn't suspicious. "Oh wow. Are you back together?"

"No, definitely not," Andy says with a shake of her head. "It was just sex. It's not like a thing. It was one time." She pauses and then adds, "well…three times."

"Do you want it to be a thing?"

Maya has never been the best at having 'girl talks'. She can trade stories of one night stands and random hook ups without any trouble, but as soon as feelings get involved she's never sure how to handle it. Now that she has so many feelings of her own, she wants to try and learn how to have those talks.

"I don't know," Andy sighs. She thinks for a moment and follows up with, "no. No, I don't want it to be a thing. We broke up for a reason. We just don't work. I'll always care about him, but we shouldn't be together."

"And then there's Ryan."

Andy gives Maya a look as if to say 'do we really have to go there?' But then she shakes her head and looks back to the video feed on the tablet Ryan gave them like she's hoping Ryan will walk into view right at that moment and give her a thumbs up that everything is okay.

"Yeah, then there's Ryan," Andy muses, too lost in her own thoughts to say anything more than that.

"He's a good guy," Maya tells her. "I know I don't know him all that well, but he really seems like a good one."

"He is. Even when we were young and stupid, that good guy was still there. I just don't know if it could ever work for us." Andy lets out a long sigh and looks out the window again. She taps her fingers on the steering wheel and mumbles mostly to herself, "what is going on in there?"

Maya hates seeing her friend struggling so much. She wishes she could help her through it, but she thinks this is something Andy has to figure out for herself. Only she knows exactly how she feels.

While Maya can't help Andy decide what to do, maybe she can at least help her take her mind off things.

"Okay, I'm going to tell you something that I maybe shouldn't, but you look like you need a distraction," Maya says before she can talk herself out of it. "You can't tell anyone though, got it? Especially not Vic."

That piques Andy's interest and she looks back over at Maya with a curious look. "Okay, I won't tell anyone."

Maya studies Andy's face for a moment until she's convinced Andy is telling the truth. "I slept with Carina," Maya admits. She's only able to hold her cheek splitting grin back for a millisecond.

"Oh my god," Andy gasps. "No fucking way." She reaches out to smack Maya's knee. "No wonder you were so late! I'm surprised you even made it in at all."

Maya laughs, admittedly still a little surprised she was capable of leaving her bed at all this morning. Staying there with Carina had been so tempting and she kinda wishes she had taken Carina up on her offer of them both playing hooky for the day.

Luckily though, Maya knows she'll have plenty more opportunities to share her bed with Carina. She isn't going anywhere and she knows Carina isn't either. She thinks they're stuck with each other and she doesn't mind one bit.

"I definitely considered calling out."

Andy shakes her head in proud disbelief. "Good for you, Maya. You two clearly really like each other."

"We really do," Maya says.

She thinks she maybe more than likes Carina, but that's too much to process just yet. Right now she just wants to enjoy the blissed out feeling she has.

"So Andrew gave you his blessing or whatever?"

Maya's smile drops at that. In just over 24 hours, she'll be telling Andrew what happened. She has no idea how he'll react. She's trying to stay positive like Carina and believe that he'll be okay with it. She wants him to want them to be happy enough that he's willing to forget about asking Maya not to cross that line.

She just doesn't know if he will.

"He doesn't know yet. He's in Portland working a case," Maya says. "I'm telling him when he gets back tomorrow."

"Do you know what you're going to say?"

"I have literally no idea." Maya lets out a frustrated laugh.

She wishes this weren't so hard. She wishes she could just be with Carina with no remorse. That's what Old Maya would've done. Old Maya wouldn't have held back for so long, she would've just had her way with Carina and not cared how Andrew would respond.

New Maya feels a little bit guilty being so happy. She has the DeLuca siblings to thank for New Maya. They've helped her change for the better though, so she can't really be mad at them about it even if New Maya does have way more feelings to manage than Old Maya did.

"Just be honest with him," Andy tells her earnestly. "Explain to him how you feel and how happy Carina makes you. DeLucs is a good guy too, he'll understand."

Maya sighs, hoping more than anything that Andy is right.

"And if he doesn't understand, then my offer to sleep with him to level the score still stands."

Maya lets out a much needed laugh at that. "I think you have enough to figure out with Ryan and Gibson. You don't need another guy thrown into the mix."

Andy tries to look mildly offended, but she ends up laughing too. "Yeah, you're probably right about that."

It feels so good having shared what happened with Andy. The little bubble Maya and Carina were in didn't stay afloat very long, but Maya doesn't mind as much as she thought she would that it popped. She would tell the whole world she's with Carina if she could. She wants everyone to know just how lucky she is.

Yeah, Carina is pretty much solely responsible for New Maya being such a sap.

Maya doesn't mind too much, though. If being happy feels this good, then she's okay with the sappiness that comes along with it. It's more than worth it.

The police sting turns out to be successful. They arrest all the players in the drug ring they were hoping to detain and no one gets seriously injured, but there was a close call. One cop takes a bullet, but he was wearing a bulletproof vest so aside from some bruising and a possible cracked rib, he's relatively unscathed.

Ryan is completely fine, just like he said he would be. Andy is more than relieved, which she won't admit, but Maya can tell Ryan knows.

Maya gets the injured officer situated in the back of the aid car while Andy and Ryan talk briefly in hushed voices a few feet away. When they're done, Andy and Maya take their seats back at the front of the aid car and head towards the hospital.

Andy doesn't say anything about her talk with Ryan and Maya doesn't push, but Andy does have a small smile on her face while she drives so Maya assumes it went well.

After they drop off the officer at Seattle Presbyterian, dispatch calls them to join the rest of station 19 along with station 23 at a 10 car pile up on I-5. That call takes up the rest of their afternoon into early evening, but luckily there are only minor injuries and no casualties.

By the time Maya and Andy make it back to the station after dropping off their patient at Grey-Sloan, Travis and Dean have dinner waiting for them. Dinner is its usual raucous affair, filled with laughter and everyone trying to speak over each other as they try to get the details right on the stories they tell from past calls.

In the middle of a particularly lively story, Maya looks around the table at this ragtag group of people that have become her family and she takes a moment to be grateful for them all, even Jack. These people are her family and she's thankful for them everyday, but she doesn't think about that enough. She tells herself she'll be better about that moving forward.

After dinner, they all go their own ways to unwind while they have the time before their next call.

Maya goes right to her bunk and changes into her sleep clothes, hoping she'll be able to get at least a few hours in case they're called out again. She isn't realizing until now just how tired she is. She was up so late with Carina, she didn't get as much sleep as she usually tries to get the night before a shift. Not that she's complaining of course, she would gladly let last night play out the exact same way if she had the chance to do it again.

She's just turned the light out and is climbing into bed when she gets a text from Carina asking if she's available to call.

Instead of texting back, she just calls Carina, who answers after one and a half rings.

"Ciao, Bella," Carina purrs through the line.

Maya's heart immediately starts racing. She's got it so bad.

"Hi," Maya says, her voice bright and happy. "How was your day?"

"It was okay, but I kept getting distracted thinking about last night. Those fingers of yours are very memorable," Carina says in that low, flirty voice Maya is becoming more and more acquainted with.

"You haven't seen anything yet," Maya smirks. She wishes more than anything that Carina were here with her right now instead of miles away and only talking to her through the phone.

"I can't wait to find out," Carina laughs. "What are you wearing?"

Maya chokes on her breath and tries to cover it with a laugh, but Carina's amused hum tells Maya she didn't do a good job at playing that off.

"Seriously?" Maya laughs, but she answers anyway. "Black sleep shorts and a gray tank top. Nothing special."

"Sounds pretty special to me," Carina quips. "Bra or no bra?"

Maya can't hide her smirk. She wouldn't want to anyway. "Sports bra. I have to be ready in case we get a call."

"Fair enough," Carina concedes.

"What are you wearing?" Maya asks, thinking it's only fair that Carina answers her own question. Once she replies though, Maya thinks she shouldn't have asked.

"Niente," Carina whispers through the line.

Maya knows exactly what that word means. She is seriously considering running across town right now to get back home to Carina. She's been away from her all day and it's been way too long. She needs to have Carina in her arms again.

"That's not fair," Maya chokes out.

"You asked," Carina says, her smirk practically audible. "You know, I didn't tell you last night, but your bed is very comfortable. I hope you don't mind me sleeping here tonight."

Maya shoots up in bed as realization hits her. "Hold on, you're naked in my bed right now?"

"Sì," Carina hums. "Maybe you should tell them you're sick and come home early. I can send you some pictures to make sure you look flushed so they'll believe you."

Maya's throat goes dry at the prospect of receiving pictures of Carina in her bed sans clothing. Maya doesn't know if she would survive that.

She doesn't get the chance to reply though before the klaxons start blaring through the station.

"Dammit!" Maya groans.

Carina just laughs through the line, "maybe next time."

"No, not next time. You should definitely still send me pictures for later," Maya says, hopping up from her bed and pulling on her pants.

"Don't worry, I was planning to," Carina tells her before she drops her flirty tone and adds much more seriously, "be careful, Maya."

"I will," Maya promises. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Bambina."

"Goodnight, babe," Maya says, then hangs up the phone and grabs her shirt on her way out of the door to her bunk.

It isn't until she's halfway down the stairs that she realizes she even dropped the pet name. She's never used a pet name for a significant other before, she always thought they were lame.

It just rolled off her tongue with Carina, though.

But she can't think about that right now. She finishes buttoning up her shirt as she's hopping up into the passenger seat of the aid car.

Just as Andy is pulling out of the station and following the engine to their call, Maya feels her phone vibrate three times in quick succession. She has to physically stop herself from taking a peak at the pictures she knows are waiting for her, knowing she would never be able to focus on this call if she looked now.

Dammit, she really hopes this call is over quickly. Until then, her phone practically burns a hole in her pocket.

Chapter Text

Maya doesn't make it home until almost 10:00 AM the next morning. They got called to a house fire early this morning that kept them busy for a while. The family wasn't home so there weren't any injuries, which meant Maya and Andy were able to suit up and help put out the fire so that made it worth the overtime. Maya doesn't mind working the aid car, but putting out fires is what she really enjoys the most.

So by the time she's finally stumbling through the front door at home, she's overly tired and reeks of smoke. All she wants is a long, hot shower and a few hours of sleep before Andrew gets home so they can talk.

Maya is a ball of nerves about it, her blissful happiness finally giving way to her anxiety. She just wants him to be home already so she can get this over with. She can't keep running through every possible scenario in her head, the outcomes getting worse and worse with each now one. She just wants to tell him right away and then find a way to deal with the consequences.

When she steps inside, she makes it as far as the couch before she lays down. She's so tired physically and mentally, she needs a break for a moment before she goes upstairs and showers. However, if she ends up just napping here before her shower, then so be it.

She's just closed her eyes when she hears a door open down the hall. Maya shoots back up, surprised Andrew is already home.

This is it.

"You're home early," Maya says.

"I haven't gone to work yet," replies a voice that definitely isn't Andrew. Carina walks around the corner and into the living room, a soft smile on her face.

As tired as Maya was 30 seconds ago, she now feels like she just had a shot of espresso from Carina's fancy machine. Seeing Carina makes her heart race and her mood instantly improve. She smiles and holds her hand out for Carina so she'll join her on the couch.

"You're still here," Maya says, her voice happy and relieved.

She didn't think she would be seeing Carina until later tonight, probably not until after she gets back from dinner with Mason depending on how late Carina stays at work. Seeing her early is such a nice surprise, Maya feels her throat getting tight with emotion. If Maya were the type to cry, the flood of relief she's feeling might be enough to bring on a few tears. Instead, she just swallows down the emotion and sighs once Carina takes her hand and sits beside her on the couch.

"I moved my day around so I could see you when you got back," Carina explains. "I'm going in soon though. I was worried I might not see you at all."

"We had an end of shift call that went long," Maya says. She reaches out and pushes Carina's hair behind one ear, her hand lingering afterwards to hold her cheek. "I'm happy to see you."

"Me too," Carina grins before leaning in to kiss Maya. It only lasts a moment before she leans back. "You smell like the inside of a fireplace."

Maya laughs and settles against the back of the couch. "Are you not into that sort of thing?" She teases.

Carina gives her a playful smile and sighs, "I suppose I need to start being okay with that. It is to be expected when dating a firefighter."

That word catches her attention and she perks up a little bit. "Are we? Is that what we're doing? Dating, I mean? Are we dating?" Maya asks, cringing a little at how she fumbled that question.

Carina's smile turns endearing and she adjusts how she's sitting so she's leaning back against the couch, but angled towards Maya. One of her legs lays across Maya's lap and she brings up a hand to play with her long, blonde hair.

"I'd like to think so," Carina says. "But if you would like to make it official, will you be my girlfriend?"

Maya feels her cheeks blush so she tucks her head against Carina's shoulder to hide it. "This feels so high school," she mumbles against Carina's skin. Even though it feels a little juvenile, it also feels so damn good that Maya doesn't care.

Carina smells so good, like some kind of flower. Maya makes a note to ask her what kind of body wash she uses. She wants to buy a lifetime supply so Carina never runs out and can smell this good forever. Her skin is warm and the black, silk blouse she's wearing is soft against Maya's cheek. Maya could stay right here and fall asleep for hours. Her heart is so content.

Carina laughs softly, moving her hand to tangle more in Maya's hair. "Is that a no?" She teases.

Maya lifts her head at that and gives Carina an incredulous look. "It definitely isn't a no," she clarifies. "It's a hell yes."

The smile Carina gives her then is so beautiful, Maya wants to look at it forever. But she also wants to kiss her more than anything, so that desire wins out.

Carina meets Maya halfway and this time, she doesn't lean back after a second because she smells like smoke. She kisses Maya deeply, running her tongue along Maya's bottom lip before slipping it into her mouth. Maya moans into the kiss, already a little dizzy from it. Carina's fingers scratch lightly against Maya's scalp. Maya brings her hand to Carina's hip and pulls until Carina is straddling her.

"I have to go to work soon," Carina reminds her, already sensing this is about to spiral into something much more than just a quick make out session.

"In a minute. I need to give you something as distracting to think about as those pictures you sent me," Maya says before bringing her mouth to Carina's neck. She nips at the thin skin lightly enough to not leave a mark, but hard enough that she gets a whine out of Carina before she runs her tongue across the spot.

"You asked for those pictures," Carina reminds her. She sighs as Maya bites her neck lightly again. "You're going to make me later than I already am."

"If you're already late, then what's a few more minutes?"

Maya brings her mouth back to Carina's, knowing she's going to need to let her leave soon. She lets her kisses turn less fervent, reminding herself how tired she is so that she can cool down and let Carina actually leave. She'd gladly stay right here on this couch with Carina all day, but she knows she can't.

Only a few moments later, Carina pulls away, leaning back so she's sitting more on Maya's thighs.

"I need to go," Carina sighs, letting her tone show how disappointed she is by that. "And you need to shower," she adds with a lip biting smirk.

Maya laughs and lets her head fall against the back of the couch. "You're so funny, aren't you?" She teases.

"I'm not being funny. I'm being serious," Carina says, though her barely contained smile gives her away.

"Okay, okay, fine," Maya grumbles. She steals one last quick kiss before she pats Carina's thighs to let her know she can get up.

Carina rises from the couch and holds out a hand to help Maya up. "Are you sure you don't want me to be here when you talk to Andrea?"

Maya lets out a long sigh. She had almost forgotten what she has to do today. She got so lost in Carina she was able to push away all her worries for a few minutes.

But now she fully remembers Andrew will be home in a few hours and she'll have to tell him about her and Carina. It doesn't feel so scary when she's standing here in Carina's arms. Maybe she should ask her to stay.

She shakes that thought away. She told Carina she wanted to do this on her own and Maya still thinks she should. As much as it might help Maya to have Carina here, she thinks it's better for Andrew if she isn't. Carina and Andrew can be such triggers for each other. If Maya tells Andrew alone, she's hoping he will be a little more receptive to it, but if Carina is here then she'll be a reminder of all the friends of Andrew's she's slept with in the past and Maya will just be another number to that tally. Maya knows she has to do this by herself.

"I'll be okay," Maya assures her. "It'll be better this way."

"Okay, bella," Carina hums. "Call me after?"

"Of course."

Carina smiles and leans in to kiss Maya one last time. When she tries to pull away, Maya holds onto her hips and keeps her there for just a couple seconds more, needing all the strength she can get.

Maya is so lost in the kiss, she barely hears the front door open. It isn't until she hears another voice that she realizes someone just came through the door and she jerks back from Carina.

"What's going on here?" Andrew asks.

Maya whips around and sees Andrew standing in the front door, a completely unreadable expression on his face as his eyes move between Maya and Carina.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

This wasn't supposed to happen. This is the literal worst way Andrew could have found out about this. Maya wishes she could just sink through the floor and escape this situation entirely. She wants to run away and pretend this isn't happening.

This can't be happening.

She had this whole speech planned out for later. She changes parts of it every time she thinks about it, but she at least had a base of a speech. She was going to explain how much she cared about him, but say that she cares about Carina too. She was going to assure him this was real and not just some fling. She was going to promise him this wasn't going to mess things up between her and Andrew, or Carina and Andrew. She was going to control the situation.

But now all the control has been ripped away from her in a matter of seconds and she can't possibly get it back.

No, no, no, no, no this can't be happening. This can't be happening.

"Andrea, we can explain," Carina starts, breaking the tense silence they were all in.

"I think it's pretty self explanatory," Andrew says. His tone is somehow perfectly neutral. His expression is still blank. He's giving away absolutely nothing as to how he feels about the fact he just walked in on Maya and Carina kissing.

For some reason, that bothers Maya more than if he was pissed. At least if he were angry, Maya would know what she was dealing with. But with this, Maya has no idea how to handle it. She doesn't even know what she's meant to be handling.

"Andrew, I was going to talk to you about this as soon as you got back," Maya says, her mouth somehow finding words even though her brain still can't figure out what to say.

"Well I'm back, so go ahead," he says. There's no cadence or inflection in his words at all.

Maya sighs, knowing she needs to figure this out in a matter of seconds. She feels Carina take her hand and it helps settle her. Andrew's eyes lock on their joined hands, but he still doesn't give anything away.

Her heart is in her throat, but Maya swallows it down and tries to find a way to start.

"This isn't how I wanted you to find out," Maya explains. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I'm sorry that it did. I didn't want you to feel ambushed by this but…here we are." She lets out a nervous laugh that makes Carina squeeze her hand in support. "This hasn't been happening long, okay? It literally just happened the day before yesterday. I'm sorry that I broke your promise. I tried really hard not to, but I…" she looks over at Carina and even with the panicked expression on her face, she's still breathtakingly beautiful. She is so head over heels for this woman. "I really care about Carina, okay?" She asks as she turns back to Andrew. "This isn't just some random hookup. This is serious. I know you didn't want this to happen and I tried so hard not to let it, but it did. I really hope you can find a way to be okay with this because I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry I broke your trust, but I wouldn't have done it if I weren't serious about Carina. I wouldn't have risked hurting you for a fling."

"Andrea, I care about Maya too," Carina jumps in. Maya can practically feel the nerves radiating off her. She just got her brother back and she must be afraid she's about to ruin their relationship again. "I know why you asked her not to be with me. I've hurt you in the past, but that's my fault. This isn't like before. Maya is very special to me."

Andrew keeps looking back and forth between the two of them, but he won't say anything. She won't nod or shake his head or walk away. He won't look pissed off or upset or accepting. He won't do anything except move his eyes from Maya to Carina and then back again. The silence is nearly deafening.

"What are you thinking?" Maya asks eventually, unable to handle the silence any longer. Her ears are ringing and her heart is beating so hard she's surprised it hasn't burst through her ribs.

Andrew drops his eyes from the both of them. He looks down at the 'C12' tattoo on his wrist. Maya's matching tattoo burns as he stares at his. He runs his thumb across it and then he looks back up at Maya.

There's a flicker of something in his eyes, but it comes and goes so quickly that Maya can't tell what it is.

Andrew opens his mouth, but it takes a second before words actually come out and when they do, all they are is, "I have to go to work."

Maya's heart feels like it breaks. She thinks his lack of reaction is so much worse than him blowing up about it. In all the possibilities she came up with about how this could go, this wasn't one of them. She expected a reaction. She never would've guessed he wouldn't give her one at all.

"Wait, what? I thought you were off today," Carina says.

Maya is too confused to speak. She needs him to give her something, anything so she can figure out how to deal with this. She has no idea how to deal with this stoic demeanor.

"I need to go to work," is all Andrew says, turning back towards the door.

"Andrew, please don't be mad," Maya blurts out. Now that he's trying to leave, she's panicking. She's afraid if he walks through that door then he'll never come back.

"I'm not mad, I just have to go to work," he tells her. He picks up his travel bag from where he must have dropped it by the front door when he came in. He slings it over his shoulder and opens the door.

"Don't go yet, okay? Let's talk about this," Maya tries again. "It's okay if you're mad, but--"

"I'm not mad!" Andrew exclaims, his voice rising and showing emotion for the first time since he got home. "I'm not mad," he says again, much more calmly. "But I do have to go." He leaves quickly, closing the door behind him.

Maya stands in stunned silence, staring at the closed door as if she thinks if she looks long enough Andrew will come walking back through and suddenly be okay with everything. Of course, she's not foolish enough to really believe that.

Carina pulls on Maya's hand to try and get her attention, but Maya still can't take her eyes off the door. Instead, Carina steps in front of her so Maya is forced to look at her instead of the door. She takes Maya's face in both of her hands and holds her gently.

"Maya, talk to me," she says gently. "Tell me what you're thinking."

Her heart is racing. She feels sick to her stomach. Her chest is tight. Her head is spinning. There are so many thoughts swirling through her head, she can't even begin to filter through them.

There's one that keeps jumping out at her, though.

"He hates me," Maya whispers. "He hates me. He's never coming back."

Carina shakes her head firmly. "No, that's not true. He doesn't hate you. He was just surprised. I'm so sorry this happened. If I had just gone to work on time, this never would have happened."

That catches Maya's attention enough that she snaps out of her trance. She doesn't want Carina blaming herself for this. It isn't her fault and it isn't Maya's. It was just unfortunate timing.

"Hey, no. That's not true," she says, bringing her hands up to hold onto Carina's wrists. She rubs her thumbs back and forth across the inside of her wrists, focusing on that motion and timing her breaths with it to steady herself. Panic is rising in her throat, but she's trying not to let it explode. "You never could've known he was coming home early. This isn't your fault. I don't blame you, so please don't blame yourself."

Carina sighs like she doesn't quite agree with her, but she doesn't argue further. "Andrea will be okay, he just needs time."

"I don't know about that. Did you see him? He was angry, right? I know he said he wasn't mad, but I don't know how he couldn't be."

"I don't think he's mad. I've seen Andrea mad, and that wasn't it. I think we just surprised him and he needs time to process everything. He will come back and talk when he's ready," Carina tries to assure her.

Maya shakes her head, thinking she doesn't know if she can quite believe her. She's never had a hard time reading Andrew before, but just now she had absolutely no idea what was going on inside his head. He didn't let on to any emotion at all, which means Maya can't help but assume the worst.

She looks past Carina to the pictures they have displayed on the table by the door. She looks back and forth between the ones with her and Andrew, wondering if they'll ever be like that again. She's inclined to think not.

Maya's heartbeat is thundering in her ears. She's sure she just ruined the best friendship she's ever had, which devastates her. But if it's ruined, it's because she took a chance on what she knows will be the best relationship she's ever had, maybe the last relationship she'll ever have, which brings her indescribable joy. She has such conflicting emotions tangling inside of her that it's hard to really grasp onto either one.

"I hope you're right," Maya manages to say. It isn't much, but it's at least the truth. She might not believe Carina is right, but she wants to. She tries to trust that Carina knows her brother enough to know this too.

Carina studies Maya's face for a few more moments, letting her thumbs run across Maya's cheeks. "I'll stay home with you today. I don't want to leave you alone."

"No, no, no. You have to go to work. There are babies to deliver and parents to charm. Don't stay here for me. I'll be okay," Maya insists.

"No, it's okay. I can get someone to cover for me," Carina tries again.

Maya turns her head and kisses one of Carina's hands where it's still holding her face. "Carina, it's okay. Really, it is. I'm just going to sleep most of the day anyway. You should go to work."

As nice as it sounds to have Carina spend all day with her, Maya mostly just wants to be alone right now. She needs to process this too and she can't do that properly if she's blinded by her happiness about being with Carina. She needs to gather her thoughts and think through how she's going to fix things with Andrew. She has no idea how to even start.

Now it's Carina's turn to not be sure if she can believe Maya based on the suspicious look she gives her. "Are you sure?" She asks Maya.

Maya is so tempted to say no, to let Carina stay home with her and escape to her room. Carina can hold her while she finally gets some much needed sleep and maybe it'll ease some of this aching in her chest.

She won't let herself let that happen, though. Maybe she wants to punish herself a little by dealing with this on her own today. Maybe she thinks she deserves it. Maybe she thinks this is what she gets for hurting Andrew, so she needs to deal with it herself.

"I'm sure," Maya nods. "I appreciate you offering to stay, but we both know you need to get to work."

Carina chews on her bottom lip, taking a moment to convince herself to agree with Maya. "Okay," she says eventually. "Okay, I'll go. Will you promise to call me if you start to freak out?"

Maya manages a smile at how well Carina knows her. She knows she's dancing right along that edge of freaking out, but is doing her best to contain it.

"I promise."

That seems to be enough for Carina. She nods and leans in to kiss Maya quickly. "Okay," she hums. She kisses her again and then starts to step back, but Maya grabs her hips before she can.

"Un altro?"

This flirty side coming out of her is surprising when she's dealing with so much internally, but it's welcome. Carina just makes her so happy, she's able to focus on that for a minute and distract herself from everything else.

Carina grins and steps back towards Maya. "We need to talk about how much Italian you know. How soon before I can talk dirty to you in Italian?"

Maya feels warmth between her legs and now she really wants to talk Carina into staying home today, but she settles for some flirting instead.

"You can always talk dirty to me in Italian. I'll learn along the way. I'm a very fast learner," Maya says with a sultry smile.

"I'll bet you are," Carina says before leaning in and kissing Maya once more like she requested. She sighs when she pulls away. "We will definitely continue this later."

"Oh definitely," Maya agrees.

Carina kisses her cheek and then she walks towards the door. She opens it, but turns around before leaving. "Call me if you need me," she tells Maya again.

"I will," Maya nods. "Have a good day at work."

"Ciao, bella," Carina says, blowing Maya a kiss before leaving.

Once the door latches closed, Maya lets out a shaky breath. Part of her still can't believe what just happened. She wonders if she actually fell asleep back at the station and this has all just been a dream.

If only she were that lucky.

She can't get Andrew's face when he saw them out of her head. There was just nothing there, no hints of any emotion at all. He's normally such an expressive guy, taking full advantage of his eyes, eyebrows, and mouth to convey whatever emotion it is he's feeling. He's terrible about hiding how he feels in any given situation because his face betrays him. He had no problem keeping it all inside today, though.

Maya wants to call him, and keep calling until he answers because she's sure he would ignore the call when he saw it was her. She just wants to talk to him. She wonders if maybe she should go to the hospital and find him, corner him until he's forced to talk to her.

But then she remembers what Carina said. Maybe she really is right and he just needs time to process this. He was caught completely off guard, so she's sure he's probably freaking out too. He has a lot to think about, so it would make sense if he just needed time and then he'll come around to this.

The cynical side of Maya tells her she isn't that lucky. She worries no amount of time will ever fix this.

She knows she should call him and she definitely knows she should try and ambush him at the hospital. He's had enough surprises for one day. She needs to do something though. She can't just let this go and wait for him to come around. Who knows how long that could take? She'll go crazy if she has to wait for him.

Maya reaches for her phone in her back pocket and opens her text thread with Andrew. The last thing he sent her was a picture of Nike World Headquarters from the road while they drove past on the way to the hospital for their case. He captioned it, "saw this and thought of you :)," along with emojis of a girl running, a gold medal, a leg, footprints, and for some reason a merman. She wonders if he'll ever send her another emoji filled text again.

She goes back and forth twenty times on what she wants to say. She knows she wants to say something, just a quick message to let him know she doesn't want things to end between them like this. But she also doesn't want to come on too strong. Never before has she stressed so much over a single text message.

In the end, she decides to keep it simple. She types it up and hits send before she can try and change it another twenty times. Then she heads upstairs to finally shower, wishing the hot water will wash away her anxiety along with the smell of smoke.

Maya: 10:57 AM
I'm sorry you found out like that. I'd
really like to talk about this more when
you're ready. Take all the time you need

Maya manages to actually get some sleep, but it's mostly restless. Every time she wakes up, she checks her phone to see if Andrew replied and when she sees he hasn't, she rolls back over and closes her eyes until she drifts off again. When she finally gets out of bed, she doesn't know if the stilted sleep actually helped, but she at least doesn't feel physically exhausted anymore. Her mental and emotional exhaustion makes up for that, though.

She texts with Carina on and off. Carina says she's giving Andrew space and even if she weren't, she's pretty sure he's avoiding her. Though she never takes advantage of interns by giving them menial tasks, she asks the one on her service today to check on Andrew a few times. Each time she reports back that Andrew seems fine and is just busy with patients.

As much as she desperately wants to talk to Andrew, she knows it's good that he's taking time. Honestly, she isn't even sure what she would say right now if he said he was ready to talk. She has so many thoughts and feelings running through her head. She doesn't think she could latch onto any of them well enough to have a meaningful conversation right now.

Carina sends her words of encouragement that help ease her mind a little bit and a selfie of her in pink scrubs that really helps. She has her hair braided the way she knows Maya likes. Maya looks at the picture and smiles, reminding herself that her happiness with Carina is worth it. She just hates that she hurt Andrew in the process.

She considers canceling dinner with Mason tonight, not knowing if she has the energy for it. She doesn't, though. She really wants to see him and plus, it'll be a welcome distraction.

At least she thought it would be. She spends the first 30 minutes of dinner barely contributing to the conversation with Mason, too lost in her own thoughts to properly engage. She thinks she's getting away with it, but of course she isn't.

"Maya, what's wrong?" Mason asks her after probably her dozenth one word reply.

Maya shakes herself out of her latest Andrew-related stress spiral (in this one, he managed to turn everyone at the station against her for breaking his trust and Maya had to end up transferring stations).

She looks at Mason like she doesn't know what he's talking about and says, "it's nothing. I'm fine."

Mason lets out a cross between a scoff and a laugh. "You always were a terrible liar." He gives her a knowing smile and says, "come on, you can talk to me about it if you want. Anything to get more than one word out of you at a time."

Maya gives him an apologetic look. She really thought she had a better handle on it that she apparently did. "My personal life is just kind of a mess right now," she tells him. "We don't have to talk about that, though."

"You can if you want," Mason offers. "I'm not really in a position to be offering life advice to anyone, but I'll do my best."

Mason being willing to try and help her through this without even knowing what it is, means so much to her she thinks she could cry. These Friday night dinners they've had have been nice, but their conversation has mostly been surface level. She's been holding back for Mason's sake. This is the first time he's been willing to dip into a more personal territory and Maya can't help but smile at that.

"Do you remember how I said I have roommates?"

"Yeah, Andrew and Carina, right?"

Maya is taken aback by that. She's only ever mentioned them that first dinner they had. She was too worried that bringing them up would trigger him into thinking she was trying to their dad again. She's flattered that he remembers their names. She hadn't realized he was really paying that much attention.

"Yeah, that's right," she says, deciding not to make a big deal out of the fact he remembered. "Well, when Andrew and I first moved in together, he asked me to never sleep with Carina if she ever came to town. I didn't think much of it at the time, so I agreed. But then a few months later she came to stay with us and she's…amazing," Maya says, unable to think of another word that can be used to fully describe her. "We were attracted to each other right away, but I never let anything happen because of what I promised Andrew. I thought I could get away with it, but I couldn't. Carina and I really care a lot about each other, so we decided to give it a shot. I was going to tell Andrew today, but he walked in and saw us kissing before I was able to."

Maya only realizes after she's said it that she's never actually came out to her brother before. She's never came out to any of her family. She just never saw the point in it. If she didn't tell them about her dating life when it came to guys, why would it matter when she was dating girls?

She watches Mason's face to try and gauge his reaction, to see if he will be bothered by the fact she's attracted to women.

There's no cause for concern, though. His face barely even reacts as he takes in the information.

"I take it he wasn't too happy to see you two together?" Is all Mason asks.

"I don't know what he was. It was totally impossible to get a read on him at all. Carina says she doesn't think he was mad, but I don't know," Maya sighs, still stressing about not knowing how Andrew is feeling.

She just wants to know. Even if how he's feeling is furious or enraged, she just wants an explanation. Once she knows how he's feeling, she can figure out how to deal with it. Not knowing is what's bothering her the most.

"You really care about Carina?"

Maya can't help but smile when she thinks about Carina. Her whole face lights up and she knows she probably looks half crazed from how big her smile is, but she doesn't care. Carina just makes her so happy.

Mason gives her a small smile, picking up on her expression. "I'll take that dopey, lovestruck look on your face as a 'yes'," he teases.

"Shut up," Maya mumbles, balling up her napkin and throwing it at his chest.

Mason laughs as he catches the napkin. He sets it on the table instead of throwing it back. "Look, all I'm saying is if she really makes you this happy, then hopefully Andrew will see that too. I mean how could he not, it's all over your face. Maybe once he sees that, he'll come around and be okay with it."

Maya sighs, really wanting to believe that. "Maybe you're right."

"I hope I am," Mason says. "But if I'm not, don't get mad at me. I don't know what the hell I'm talking about anyway."

Maya manages to give him a genuine laugh, grateful for the way it eases some of the knots in her stomach.

"If you're wrong, I'm never going to forgive you for it," she jokes.

"See, this is why I don't give advice," he laughs.

For the rest of dinner, Maya is able to engage more than she did earlier. Their talk helped release some of the pressure she's feeling, which allowed her to actually pay attention to their conversation.

Mason tells her he got a promotion at work and is now a floor manager. He tries to act like it isn't a big deal, but he has a proud smile on his face when Maya congratulates him.

When they're leaving the diner, Mason stops her before Maya can start walking back home.

"So I was thinking maybe for dinner next week I could take you up on that offer to come by your place?"

Maya tries to mask her surprise. She knows they're making progress, but didn't know how much it would take for him to be willing to come to her home. She can't help but smile as she answers.

"Yeah, of course. I can tell Carina and Andrew to come home late that day," she tells him.

Her heart aches when she realizes she doesn't know if Andrew will even still be living with her next week. She wouldn't be surprised if he went home and moved out all his things while she was at dinner.

"You don't have to. It might be nice to meet them." Mason shrugs like it isn't really a big deal.

It is to Maya, though. It means everything that he's willing to immerse himself further in her life like this. She wants more than anything to reach across the distance between them and pull him into a hug. She doesn't know how he would react to that. This thing is going so well and she doesn't want to ruin it like she's ruining everything else lately. So instead, she keeps her feet planted firmly in place on the sidewalk.

"That would be great," Maya says, trying not to come on too strongly with how excited she is. "I'd love for you to meet them too. I can ask Carina to make something for us. She's an amazing cook."

"Sounds good," Mason nods. He hesitates, but then he reaches out and squeezes Maya's shoulder. "I'll see you next week," he says and then backs away with a wave.

"See you," Maya waves back and watches his turn around and walk away down the sidewalk.

Maya feels tears prick behind her eyes. She's been feeling them on and off all day, and this is enough to finally push some to the surface.

She might finally have her brother back. That means absolutely everything to her. She really wanted something good to come out of this day and while it isn't exactly what she was asking for, she's incredibly grateful for it. Knowing she was able to make real progress patching things up with Mason makes Maya think maybe she can do the same with Andrew once he's ready.

She lets a few happy tears fall as she turns around to start her walk back home.

Andrew's car still isn't parked out front when Maya gets back home. She wasn't really expecting it to be, but there was a part of her she allowed to feel hopeful that it might.

When she steps through the front door, she's relieved to see Carina sitting on the couch, curled up reading a book with a glass of red wine in her hand. There's a second glass sitting on the coffee table, waiting for Maya.

It's such a small gesture, but it makes Maya's heart melt.

"Hi," Carina hums, closing her book and turning to look at Maya over the back of the couch. "How was dinner?"

"It was really, really good," Maya says honestly.

She sets her keys on the table by the door and kicks off her shoes. Then she walks into the living room and joins Carina on the couch. Carina pats her leg so Maya can lay her legs across Carina's lap. She sets her book down so she has a free hand to run her fingers along Maya's shins.

"It was the first time I really felt like we were getting back on track," Maya tells her. She reaches for the glass of wine on the table and takes a slow sip.

"That's amazing, Maya. I'm so happy for you," Carina says genuinely. She squeezes Maya's leg before going back to tracing patterns across her shins.

"He said he wants to come by the house for dinner next week. He wants to meet you."

Carina's whole face lights up at that. "Really?" She exclaims, childlike excitement in her voice.

Maya grins, thrilled Carina cares so much about meeting her brother that she's this excited about it. She can't wait to introduce them.

"Really," Maya nods. "I also might have told them I would ask if you could cook something for us…" she trails off with a hopeful smile.

Carina rolls her eyes playfully, but then she nods. "Yes, of course. I would love to cook for your brother."

"Thank you." Maya reaches for Carina's hand on her leg and bring it up to her mouth so she can press a kiss to it. She keeps holding her hand afterwards, tangling their fingers together and settling them in her lap. "Speaking of brothers…"

Maya trails off again, knowing she doesn't need to say anything else for Carina to pick up on the question she's asking.

Carina sighs at the change in conversation topics and squeezes Maya's hand. "I didn't see him at all at work. Dr. Qadri told me he didn't seem upset today, he was just focusing on his patients. I think she enjoyed spying on him a little too much. She might have a crush," Carina lets out a small laugh. "I don't know where he is now, though. Qadri said she saw him leave the hospital, but he obviously isn't here. Travis said he wasn't with him either. I'm sure he's fine wherever he is, I just don't like not knowing where he is."

Maya opens her mouth to say he's probably with Sam, but then remembers Carina doesn't know about Sam yet. That's still one promise to Andrew she can keep so she doesn't want to tell Carina. She also doesn't want her worrying though, so she decides to be vague and hopes she won't push her for more.

"I think I know where he is," Maya says carefully. "If he's where I think he is, then he's okay."

Carina narrows her eyes. "What do you know?"

Maya swallows, willing herself to stay firm in respecting Andrew's privacy. She doesn't like keeping secrets from Carina, but she hopes she'll understand.

"I can't tell you who it is because he asked me not to, but I know who he's dating. I'm sure he's just with her," Maya explains as much as she can.

Carina looks annoyed for a second at the fact that's all Maya is willing to give her, but then her face softens like she understands. "Okay," she nods.

"Okay? That's it? You aren't mad I won't tell you who it is?" Maya asks, hardly believing it's that easy.

"I mean, of course I wish you would tell me," Carina laughs. "But I respect that he asked you not to say anything. Yes you're my girlfriend and part of me wishes you wouldn't keep things from me about my brother, but he's also your friend. This is a new dynamic for us that we will have to figure out, but if you say he's okay then I trust you."

"Thank you for trusting me," Maya says, squeezing Carina's hand.

She knows how protective Carina is of Andrew, so the fact she's trusting Maya to keep his secret means the world to her. She knows Carina wouldn't trust just anyone like this. Actually, she probably wouldn't trust anyone else like this. But she trusts Maya and she's so grateful for that.

"You really think he'll come around?" Maya asks. She's been stressing over this question all day.

Carina told her it would be okay. Mason told her it would be okay. Maya tried her best to tell herself it would be okay, but she doesn't know if she's managed to believe any of it.

She tries not to torture herself, but she looks over at their pictures and locks on the one of her and Andrew at Joe's. They were both more than past tipsy when the picture was taken, so their smiles are big, Andrew's almost goofy. Her heart aches looking at how happy they were that night. She misses him so much already and it hasn't even been 12 hours since everything happened. How is she going to handle how much she'll miss him if he never comes back?

"I really do," Carina assures her, tugging on Maya's hand to bring her attention back. "He's probably upset and he's caught off guard, but I think once he realizes how happy we both are, he will be happy for us. I also think once he really stops to think about it, he will realize how much you and I make sense together."

That sparks something in Maya's chest. There are only two things that have ever made complete sense to Maya: running and firefighting. That's it. She's realizing now though, Carina is the third and most important thing that makes sense to her.

"You really think we make that much sense?" Maya asks, knowing she does or she wouldn't have said it, but she wants to hear the confirmation.

"Of course I do. You and I are uhm…cut from the same cloth? That's the saying, yes?"

Maya grins at her and nods. "Yeah, that's right. Good job with the American idiom."

"Thank you," Carina says with a proud smile. "I mean it, though. I think we are very similar people. We have gone through similar struggles, but we work hard to not let those things define us. We both have little brothers who we love and want to protect. We're both dedicated to being the best in our professions. We're both really hot."

Maya bursts out laughing at that laugh one. She scoots further down the couch until she's practically sitting in Carina's lap, close enough that she can lean in and kiss her.

"You're definitely right about that," Maya whispers against her lips before she kisses her again.

Carina kisses her back for a moment before she pulls away and takes Maya's wine glass from her hand. She leans forward and sets them both on the coffee table before leaning back in and kissing Maya again.

It's incredible how all the worries Maya's had today melt away the longer she kisses Carina. Something about Carina's hands on her is so healing. Sex used to be mostly a distraction for Maya, a release to the tension she feels every single day. With Carina, it's different. It's still new for them, but the affection and desire she feels from Carina already makes it different than any other experience she's ever had.

Carina wants to take care of her. She doesn't just want to give her pleasure, which of course she does, but she also wants to show Maya how she feels about her. She uses her kisses and touches to communicate to Maya how much she cares about her.

The way Maya feels about Carina is more than a little overwhelming, but instead of it sending her running, Maya chooses to embrace it. She's glad she does, because being with Carina is easily the most incredible thing she's ever experienced.

They don't last long on the couch before Carina has them stand up and leads them up to Maya's room.

Maya leaves her phone downstairs on the coffee table so she won't see the text waiting for her until tomorrow morning.

Andrew: 10:03 PM
I'm okay, but I'm not ready to talk
yet. I have a lot to think about. I'll
come home when I'm ready

He even includes an emoji of a house at the end, which will be the first real sign to Maya that maybe things will be okay.

Chapter Text

Maya goes four days without hearing from Andrew.

She's able to not think about it too much over the weekend because she's distracted by 48 uninterrupted hours with Carina. They spend most of their time in bed, but Saturday night they leave for a couple hours so Carina can take Maya on their first official date.

They go to dinner at the fanciest restaurant in Seattle, somewhere Maya would never bother going on her own because it isn't exactly her scene, but she jumps at the chance to go with Carina. Maya wears a red dress she bought once on a whim, but has never had the occasion to wear. Carina wears a black pantsuit with a plunging neckline that makes Maya push her against the front door for a lengthy make out session before they leave. They're late for their reservation and almost lose their table, but Carina sweet talks the hostess into seating them anyway.

Dinner is spent talking and laughing and continuing to get to know each other now that they don't have to hold anything back. It's amazing how easy it is for Maya to open up to Carina now that they're really together. She opened up to her before too, but there's no hesitation now. She doesn't second guess whether she should share or keep things to herself. She just tells Carina anything and everything because she knows she isn't going to receive any judgement in return. She knows Carina will accept every bit of new information she gives her as just another piece of what makes Maya who she is.

After dinner, they walk along the water and share ice cream. Carina laments about how much she misses gelato and promises to take Maya back to Italy one day to show her the real thing. Maya is half tempted to book them plane tickets on the first flight out. She had daydreams about the two of them running away to Italy before, but now that there's a real possibility, she wants it to happen immediately.

Being with Carina in public, getting to hold her hand and kiss her without being worried about who will see them, is such an incredible feeling, Maya wants to stay out all night. She wants everyone who passes them to be jealous that she gets to be with Carina and not them. She wants to show off how incredibly stunning her girlfriend looks tonight.

But because Carina does look so incredibly stunning and their make out session by the door could only ever tie her over for so long, Maya orders them an Uber back home the second they're done with their ice cream. She needs to get Carina home and out of her clothes immediately.

Sunday, they barely get out of bed. Carina makes them brunch, which they eat in bed of course. They take their time continuing to learn about each other's bodies. They make love slowly, then quickly because they're already so worked up, then slowly again. Maya learns Carina is dangerously good at teasing her and making her so desperate she actually begs. Maya shows Carina she's even better with her fingers than Carina first thought. They appreciate every inch of each other's skin.

When it becomes time to go to bed that night, Maya finds herself wishing she had a time machine so they could go back and replay this weekend all over again. She had no idea it was possible to be this happy and she wants to live in it forever.

Dragging themselves out of bed to go to work on Monday is one of the hardest things they've ever had to do. Maya walks to the station since she didn't go for a run at all this weekend, though she thinks some of the activities she and Carina got up to were more than enough of a workout to make up for that.

It's on the walk that reality sets back in and she really starts to miss Andrew. They talked about him a couple times over the weekend, but they didn't dwell on it. They wanted to enjoy their time together and not be sad about how he still isn't talking to them.

On Monday night, Carina gets a text from Andrew letting her know he's fine so she doesn't worry. Maya can tell it takes some of the weight off her shoulders, but she's still so worried. They're both giving him space, but they wish he didn't need so much of it.

Maya just wants to talk to him. She doesn't even need him to say anything back right now. She just wants the opportunity to be able to explain this to him the way she planned to originally. Maybe it will help Andrew process this more quickly or maybe it won't, but she's desperate to make sure he knows she doesn't want this to ruin their friendship.

During her shift on Wednesday, she finally gets that opportunity.

She's working the aid car with Vic. Dean was supposed to be working with Vic, but he showed up late to work because he stayed out too late with his new girlfriend so Andy put him on desk duty. Maya had been annoyed that she had to cover for him on the aid car, but while they're dropping off a patient at Grey-Sloan she sees Andrew in the ER and suddenly she's glad Dean was so late.

Andrew doesn't see her at first, he's too busy splitting a patient's wrist, so Maya is able to just look at him for a moment. He doesn't look upset or conflicted. He's joking with his patient so he can distract them from the pain and he looks so happy to be helping someone. Andrew loves being a doctor the way Maya loves being a firefighter. He might be better at being a doctor than Maya is at being a firefighter and with anyone else that would annoy her, but with Andrew she doesn't mind.

It makes her happy seeing Andrew so content with his patient. She's able to forget for a second that she's so sad.

Right around the time she and Vic are finishing filling out the paperwork for their patient, Andrew is done with the splint and he finally looks up and notices Maya.

Maya holds her breath, half expecting him to run in the other direction, but he doesn't. He gives Maya a half smile and a little wave before he looks back to his patient to finish explaining something to them. Then, he grabs their chart from the end of the bed and walks up to the counter to drop it off, which puts him right next to Maya.

"What's up, DeLucs?" Vic asks and Maya is grateful she's saying something first so Maya doesn't have to figure out how to do it herself.

"Hi, Vic," Andrew says. "Did you have a fun call?"

"No," Vic scoffs. "This dumbass got his hand stuck in a cookie jar. Literally. It was made of glass, so he thought he could just break it to get his hand out, but then shocker, he cut his hand in the process and probably severed a ligament. Dr. Avery's with him now, so hopefully he'll be okay."

Andrew gives Vic an amused smile and looks over his shoulder at the trauma room where said patient is currently being examined by Jackson.

"Well at least there's always a dumbass or two around to make sure there's never a dull moment," Andrew jokes. He looks at Maya and his face twists into a cross between pain and confusion. He looks like he wants to say something, but decides against it. "I have to get back, but I'll see you guys around," he says before turning to head down the hallway.

"Later, DeLucs," Vic says with a wave. She slides the clipboard with their finished paperwork to the nurse and then nudges Maya with her elbow. "Ready to go?"

Maya is still staring at Andrew walking away. Something in her gut tells her she can't let him go.

"I need to go talk to Andrew really quickly. I'll meet you in the aid car," Maya says, starting to follow Andrew before.

"Uh, okay," Vic says, seemingly oblivious to what's going on.

Maya hasn't told anyone at the station, aside from Andy, about what happened with her and Carina yet, so no one knows she and Andrew aren't currently on speaking terms. She's pretty sure Travis knows, or at least has his suspicions, but he doesn't say anything to her. Thankfully, he also isn't saying anything to anyone else.

She doesn't know exactly what she's going to say to Andrew. She hadn't planned on seeing him today, but she has this feeling like she has to say something to him right now. She can't just let him walk away without at least trying to make up some lost ground with him. She figures things are already as bad as they'll get, so she can't really make things worse.

"Hey, Andrew," Maya calls after him as he waits for the elevator.

He turns and doesn't look entirely surprised to see she followed him. He raises his eyebrows curiously and asks, "what's up?" As if he doesn't know exactly what's up.

Maya takes a quick breath in and out to steel herself. She didn't get to do this the way she wanted the first time, but now maybe she can still make this right.

"Can we talk for a minute?" She asks, doing her best to keep the nerves out of her voice. Based on the way Andrew is fidgeting his hands, he's feeling nervous too so at least Maya isn't alone. "Or can I talk to you at least? You don't have to say anything if you aren't ready yet, but I'd really like the chance to explain myself."

Andrew only needs to think about it for a second before he nods. "Okay, yeah. Let's go." He nods his head down the hall and starts walking.

Maya follows him a couple doors down the hall until he pushes one of them open. He flips on the light and they're in some sort of lab with equipment and machines that Maya doesn't have a clue what they do, but they look expensive. Andrew leans back against one of the counters and crosses his arms across his chest. He looks at Maya expectantly, but doesn't say anything. He just waits for her.

This is it. This isn't at all how Maya wanted this to happen, but she's going to try and make the best of this chance. She takes a second to collect her thoughts and then she starts.

"Andrew, I am so sorry you found out about us like that. It wasn't supposed to happen that way. I had a plan. I was going to explain everything and then…well you know what happened." Maya lets out a nervous laugh and tries to steer this back on track. "Okay, so I tried really hard to keep my promise to you about staying away from Carina. I really did because I respect you and I want to be loyal to you because you mean so much to me, but she means a lot to me too. We stayed just friends and I thought I could handle that, but the more we got to know each other and the closer we got, I realized I couldn't be just friends with her because…" Maya lets out a little gasp at the realization she has and makes herself voice it before she can change her mind. "Look, you're the best friend I've ever had and I love you, okay? I've never said that to anyone except my brother before so I need you to know that I really mean it. I love you, but I think I'm in love with Carina."

She can't help but smile at finally saying that aloud. She thinks, no she knows she's felt that for awhile, but she was too nervous to speak it into existence. Once that's out there, she can't take it back. It's real now. She's jumped off that cliff and there's no going back up.

Maya Bishop is in love with Carina DeLuca.

She would say she's hopelessly in love with her if she weren't pretty sure that Carina loves her back just as much. Maya loves Carina in a way she never thought she was capable of loving another person. She loves her in a way that she wants to last forever. She thinks that it will. She didn't think she would tell someone else other than Carina that she loves her for the first time, but if confessing this to Andrew helps her get her point across, then so be it.

Andrew's eyes widen as he takes in that information, but he doesn't look upset. He almost looks a little happy, but he's still trying so hard not to give anything away.

"I'm in love with Carina," Maya says again because it feels so good to say. "But I never meant for my love for her to hurt you and I'm so sorry that it did. I need you to know that this doesn't have to change anything between us. You're still one of the most important people in my whole life and I don't want to lose you. I hope you can understand that I would never risk upsetting you if I weren't absolutely serious about Carina. I wouldn't risk hurting you for just a fling or a hookup or whatever. You know me well enough to know I've never been serious about dating anyone, so if I'm saying it then it must be real. I really hope you know that."

Andrew nods a little like he's accepting that. Maya wishes he would say something, but he stays quiet. She told him she wasn't going to push him to talk, though. She only wanted him to listen and he did that, so she's going to give him time to process what she said.

"I have to get back to the aid car, but I hope you'll come home soon," Maya says, trying not to plead for him to come back like a part of her wants to. "Or if you want to come by the station tonight, it's Dean's turn to make dinner and he's cooking chili, which I know is your favorite. Come have dinner and hang out with our friends. We don't have to talk about this. We can just have fun and eat dinner."

She gives him a hopeful smile that he halfway returns.

"I'll think about it," he says.

That's more than Maya expected, so she accepts it and doesn't push for more. She gives him a quick nod and heads towards the door. She's just about to walk back through it when she stops and decides to be vulnerable one more time.

Maya turns back to look at him and says, "I've really missed you, Drew."

She leaves quickly after that, but not before she sees him give her a genuine smile.

There's a new skip in her step as she walks back to the aid car. She knows there's still a ways to go before things are totally okay between her and Andrew, but she finally believes they'll get there soon. Her shift in mood must be noticeable because Vic gives her a weird look when she pulls herself up into the passenger seat.

"Everything good with you and DeLucs?" Vic asks.

"Yeah, everything will be fine," Maya says, actually believing it.

"Cool. Does this mean you're going to stop being in a weird mood now?"

Maya looks at her curiously. She hadn't realized it had been that noticeable. In fact, she thought she had been doing a pretty good job of keeping her composure around everyone at the station. Apparently she was wrong about that.

"I didn't know I was," Maya says honestly, but also a little trying to act like she doesn't know exactly what Vic is talking about.

"You're terrible at hiding your emotions. You think you aren't, but you have tells," Vic says matter of factly as she turns the key in the ignition and the engine roars to life. "I don't know what it is exactly, but something is definitely going on between you and the hot as hell DeLuca siblings. My guess is you finally jumped Carina's bones and DeLucs isn't too cool with it."

Maya stares at her dumbfounded. She really thought she was doing a much better job of playing it cool than she clearly has been. The day after she and Carina slept together she could barely keep it together, sure, but she thought she had been doing better after that.

She's so shocked at being so specifically called out that she can't even speak, so Vic takes that as all the answer she needs.

"Based on that dumb look on your face, I'm right, which means Miller and Travis both owe me 50 bucks. So thanks for not being able to keep it in your pants." Vic pulls the aid car out of the ambulance bay and starts back towards the station.

"You made bets on my love life?" Maya asks, trying to decide if she should be offended.

"I know for a fact you and Travis made a bet on how long you think Miller will last with JJ, so don't act like you're so much better than me," Vic laughs.

Vic's right about that one. Maya had almost forgotten about that bet. She figures she can't really be upset at her friends betting about her and Carina since she did the same.

Maya groans and figures she might as well just come clean. She's in love with Carina DeLuca and she wants everyone to know. Well, maybe not that she's in love with her just yet. She should probably tell Carina that first before she goes around telling more people.

"Carina and I are together," she admits.

"Ha! I knew it!" Vic exclaims, bouncing up and down in her seat. "Next time we go out, I'm buying both you and Carina a drink with the money I'm making from this bet to celebrate. This is so amazing. How does it feel being one half of Seattle's hottest couple?"

Maya laughs, thrilled at Vic's excitement over this. It feels so good sharing this with her friends. She's so happy.

Now, all she needs is for Andrew to forgive her and everything in her life will be pretty much perfect.

"Andrea talked to me today," Carina says through the phone.

Maya is lying in bed in her bunk, waiting for dinner to be ready. She feels like she hasn't seen Carina in weeks even though she just woke up next to her this morning. She misses her so much she can't stand it. Maya knows they're probably just in the honeymoon phase or whatever right now and eventually she won't feel this bad about being away from her, but right now, hearing her voice on the phone soothes her heart immensely.

"Wait, really? What did he say?" Maya asks. She wonders if it was before or after she talked to him.

"He wanted to let me know he was okay and he didn't want me worrying that he hasn't been home. It was very quick. He barely let me respond before he walked away, but I think it's a good sign," Carina says, with a smile clear in her voice.

"That's a great sign," Maya tells her. "I talked to Andrew today too."

"What, when? How did it go?"

"Earlier when I was dropping off a patient at the ER. It went really well, I think." Maya hasn't been able to stop thinking about her conversation with Andrew all day, even if it was one-sided. "I did 99% of the talking, but I think he really heard what I had to say. I apologized and told him I didn't want you and me being together to change anything for him and me. I told him I was serious about you and I was really happy. I asked him to come home as soon as he's ready."

"Maya, that's wonderful. I am glad he listened to you. Do you think he'll come back soon?" There's a nervous edge in Carina's voice. She misses him too and has been stressing so much about what this is doing to her newly repaired relationship with him.

"I hope he will," Maya says.

She decides not to tell Carina about inviting Andrew to the station for dinner. She's been trying all day not to get her hopes up and she doesn't want to get Carina's up either. If he shows up, then she will tell Carina after, but she isn't going to get her excited about it in case it doesn't happen. Maya is anxious enough about it as it is.

"Me too," Carina sighs.

"Yo, Bishop! Dinner!" Jack calls from the locker room.

Maya groans, knowing she has to say goodbye to Carina. She's tempted to buy one of those obnoxious bluetooth earpieces and just walk around all day on the phone with Carina, her voice constantly there in her ear talking about what she's doing. That would be ridiculous and she won't actually do it, but it's also very appealing.

"Dinner is ready, I have to go," Maya pouts. She's pretty sure she's never pouted in her life, but she is right now.

"Only 13 more hours until I get to see you again," Carina says. "I'm going in later tomorrow so I can see you and kiss your beautiful face."

Maya smiles so hard. She can't believe what a sap she is, but she doesn't care.

"I can't wait. I'll see you then."

"Ciao, bella," Carina says.

"Buona notte," Maya replies.

Carina gives her a happy little hum like she always does when she speaks Italian to her and then hangs up the phone. Maya tries to pretend like she doesn't already miss her voice.

Yeah, that bluetooth earpiece sounds like an excellent idea.

Dinner is amazing, as always. Dean doesn't cook often because he only really knows how to make two meals, but when he cooks chili, it puts everyone in a good mood. No one can resist it.

Apparently, that goes for people outside of the station as well.

"DeLucs!" Miller yells from down the table. "You just had to come have a bowl of my chili, huh?"

Maya whips her head around to see Andrew walking into the beanery. She actually lets out a little gasp when she sees him. She had been hoping he would show up, but was starting to accept that he wasn't. Sure enough though, here he is right in front of her, a nervous, but happy smile on his face.

"Oh, you know it. Hopefully Gibson actually left some for me," Andrew teases, causing everyone to laugh.

Everyone dissolves into teasing jabs targeted at Jack and he slings them right back, but Andrew stays focused on Maya. He tilts his head towards the lounge, asking Maya to join him.

Maya hops up from the table immediately and walks to meet Andrew. The rest of the group is so focused on riling each other up, they hardly even notice she's left.

Andrew stands next to one of the chairs, but he doesn't sit. Maya stands awkwardly by the door once she closes it behind her. She thinks this is a great sign that he actually showed up, but she has no idea what is about to happen. The cynical side of her brain is telling her that he's about to tell her to go fuck herself and he never wants to speak to her again. She's pretty sure that won't happen, but she doesn't know if she can rule it out entirely yet.

"What's up?" Maya asks after the uncomfortable silence stretches on too long. He came here to talk, she's assuming, but he still hasn't said anything.

Andrew just looks at her silently for a few more seconds before he finally says, "I'm sorry."

Out of all the things she imagined Andrew possibly saying to her, this wasn't one of them. Not even close.

"Wait, what? Why?" Maya asks, totally thrown for a loop with this.

"I'm sorry for just walking out the other day without giving you the chance to explain and then ignoring you. That wasn't fair of me," he continues. "I'm sorry I even asked you to make that stupid promise in the first place. I had no right to do that."

Maya is still so confused. She hadn't seen this conversation going this way at all and she's struggling a little to figure out what to say. "Andrew it's…it's fine. It's okay that you wanted to set boundaries. And you don't have to apologize for how you reacted. You were totally blindsided. It makes complete sense to get mad about it."

"Maya, I told you I wasn't mad!" Andrew exclaims, but it's with laughter and not anger. "I wasn't mad that it happened…well, I mean I was maybe a little mad at first for like five seconds, but that wasn't why I was upset."

"Then what was it?"

Andrew sighs and shakes his head. He moves to settle down into the chair and shrugs his shoulders at Maya. "This is going to sound so lame, but I was jealous," he admits.

Maya screws her face up in confusion. "What, of me? Andrew, I would never come between you and Carina. You have to know that." She moves to sit on the couch across from his chair, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees.

As worried as Maya was about her relationship with Carina screwing up her friendship with Andrew, she was also worried about Carina and Andrew's relationship. She knows how hard they worked to make things right between them again and she couldn't stand being the reason they became estranged again. Especially after putting in the work to heal her own relationship with her brother. She can't let herself be the reason Carina and Andrew go back to barely speaking.

"No, no, I know that. I wasn't worried about that. I was…" he lets out a nervous laugh and shakes his head again. "This sounds so stupid, but I was jealous of Carina."

Once again, Maya is surprised by the direction this conversation is going. What could he possibly have to be jealous of Carina for?

"Is this your way of saying you're secretly in love with me?" Maya asks, 99.9% joking, but still 0.1% mildly concerned.

Andrew's face screws up in near horror. "Oh my god, what? No! No, I'm more likely to be secretly in love with Travis than you."

Maya lets out a relieved breath, but then tilts her head when she processes what he just said. "Even though I'm a little bit insulted you seem so disgusted at the idea of being in love with me, I'm actually not surprised you're in love with Travis. You guys would make a really cute couple," she teases, falling so easily back into that playful banter they've always had.

"Oh my god," he groans, but it turns into a laugh. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant…dammit, okay." He takes a quick breath to psych himself up and then he explains himself. "Look, I was jealous of her because I was worried if you two got together, then you wouldn't want to spend time with me anymore. I'm not exaggerating when I say you're one of my favorite people in the whole world and the best friend I've ever had. I was afraid of losing that. I was worried I would just become the annoying little brother of your girlfriend." His expression turns embarrassed and he groans again. "I told you it sounds stupid! And so childish, oh my god." He hangs his head and holds his face in his hands like he's trying to hide from what he just admitted.

Maya can't help but smile at how flustered he is. She really does love this sensitive, compassionate, strong willed guy more than a lot of other things in her life. She's so lucky to have him and she's incredibly grateful she hasn't lost him completely.

"Drew, wait, stop. It doesn't sound stupid, okay?" She says sincerely. She reaches out to grab one of his wrists, gently tugging it away from his face so he'll look at her. "I'm actually really flattered. That's so sweet of you to say."

There's a small part of her that's teasing him for being so emotional, but mostly she's just happy because she feels the same way.

"This is one of the most embarrassing moments of my life," he complains.

"Stop it, don't be embarrassed. I understand being nervous about that, okay? I've been worried this would mean I lost you too, and that terrified me. But Andrew, I wouldn't let that happen, okay? You're the best friend I've ever had too and I'm always going to want to spend time with you. Maybe it won't be as much time as now, but it will never go away completely. You'll be spending more time with Sam too, you know? And that's okay. We're still going to be best friends."

"Only for about five more seconds before I have Travis run me over with the fire engine to save me from this embarrassment," Andrew laughs, slumping back in the chair. He sighs and says, "no, I know you're right. I was just so scared when I saw you two together that I panicked. I started running through all the possible scenarios where you would cut me out of your life and it really freaked me out, so I ran away instead of being honest. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Maya says sincerely. She reaches out and squeezes Andrew's knee. "I'm sorry too for not telling you how I felt about Carina earlier. I should've been more honest up front, but I was so afraid of losing you so I just forced myself to shove it all down until I couldn't do it anymore."

Andrew shakes his head and almost looks disappointed in her. "Maya, if you were really that miserable, you could've just said something to me." He sits back up and leans forward so he can look right at Maya. "I probably still would've been a little annoyed at first, but I think if you had just been honest with me then I would've been fine with it. You're my two favorite people and all I want is for you both to be happy. It's awesome that you're happy together."

Maya's face lights up from hearing that Andrew is happy for them. That's all she's ever wanted, but was so worried she would never have it. He means the world to her and even though she's already happy with Carina, having his support means everything. She feels such a weight lifted from her shoulders knowing that she has Andrew back. She honestly could cry right now, but that would be way too many emotions for one night.

"I wanted to tell you. I almost did so many times, but I was so afraid of losing you."

"I'm not going anywhere." Andrew reaches his hand out for one of Maya's and squeezes it tightly.

"Neither am I," Maya promises.

As happy as she is that things are good between her and Andrew again, she's felt enough embarrassing emotions for one night. She wants to change the subject to something lighter and besides, she can never pass up an opportunity to give Andrew a hard time.

"So does San know you're secretly in love with Travis?"

"Oh my god," Andrew groans, pulling his hand away from Maya's. "I didn't mean that literally!" He laughs.

"Well I did and I also meant it when I said you two would make a cute couple," Maya continues to get him worked up. "Oh! Maybe you, Travis, and Sam could be a throuple. Then you can be with both of your loves."

Andrew crosses his arms and tries to scowl. "I take back every nice thing I just said about you. I actually hate you. You're the literal worst," he pouts.

Maya laughs so hard her stomach starts to ache. "Yeah, I love you too, Drew."

Andrew perks back up at that and Maya recognizes that glint in his eyes. He's about to turn this back around on her and she isn't quick enough to stop it.

"I can't believe you've said you love me twice today. How embarrassing for you," he teases.

Maya's cheeks burn red at that and she kicks out playfully at his foot. "Dude, shut up," she complains.

Andrew's laughter makes Maya so happy. She was worried there for a while she would never be able to make him laugh like this again, but she's so glad she is. His laughter is one of the best sounds in the world and it takes away the rest of the aching she's been feeling in her heart these past few days.

She has her best friend back. She can deal with some teasing.

"Don't worry, it's embarrassing for the both of us because I love you too, Maya," Andrew says once he's able to compose himself again. He smiles brightly at Maya and she knows in her heart they're going to be okay.

The door to the lounge swings open and Maya looks up to see Carina standing there. Her heart floods with so much happiness she doesn't think she can stand it.

"I hope those smiles mean everything is okay?" Carina asks, walking into the room slowly, still trying to be hesitant until she gets a real read on the situation.

"Yeah, everything is great," Andrew tells her with a nod.

"What are you doing here?" Maya asks. She thought she still had another 12 hours before she would get to see Carina again. Seeing her now gives her such a burst of energy, Maya thinks she could run laps around the station for those next 12 hours and never tire.

"Andrea called me," she says, coming to a stop beside Maya and Andrew. She looks cautiously between them both.

Maya turns to Andrew curiously, wondering what's going on.

"I wanted to have you both here to let you know you have my blessing or whatever to be together. Not that you need it, I know, because you're both grown women and can do what you want. But if you're happy, then I'm happy so I just wanted you to know that," he explains.

Carina has this little puckered smile on her lips that she gets when she's trying to contain her smile. Maya wishes she would never try to hide her smile because it's the prettiest smile there's ever been. She reaches out to take Carina's hand and as soon as she tangles their fingers together, Carina's whole face lights up just the way Maya wanted.

"Thank you, Andrea," Carina says, almost shyly.

There's more to be said between them and Maya is sure the two of them will have their own talk like she just did with Andrew, but she doesn't need to be there for that. She wants them to talk freely and privately about everything they're feeling. It will be good for them. If it gives Maya a fraction of the relief she now has, then it will be great for them.

"I also called Carina because I have to tell her something and I wanted you here as a witness in case she tries to kill me," Andrew tells Maya. He turns to look up at Carina and says, "I'm dating Sam. We're happy and in love and I know how you feel about her, but we were dumb kids when we were together before. We're adults now and things are so much better. Please be okay with that."

Maya watches Carina's face as she fights back against the anger she's feeling. Her eyes spark with rage at the woman who devastated her little brother and Maya can see her inner protective big sister fighting to come out, but Carina takes a slow breath and that fire lessens to a smolder.

Carina manages to keep her voice steady and free of anger when she says, "okay."

Andrew looks at Maya like he can't believe what he just heard and he needs to make sure she heard the same thing. Maya just gives him a little shrug, honestly surprised that's all the reaction Carina is giving him too.

He turns back towards Maya with a confused expression. He watches her face for a couple seconds, looking for any hint of sarcasm or lies behind her eyes, but there's nothing there. Carina is being genuine.

Andrew still can't believe it. "Wait, seriously? Okay? That's it? No, 'Andrea, how could you be such a fool? She is poison and you can do better. Don't let her break your heart again'?" Andrew asks, imitating Carina's accent flawlessly.

Carina rolls her eyes, but she's only mildly annoyed by his impression. "Yes, just 'okay'. If you are happy, then I'm happy for you," she says, repeating the same words Andrew just told them a minute ago.

Maya smiles as she looks back and forth between the two siblings. She feels indescribable happiness that they've all worked things out for the better. She loves these two people more than words and she knows they love her back just as much. Maya has no idea what she did to deserve that love, but she'll be forever grateful for it.

"Thank you," Andrew says with a smile before he looks between his sister and Maya, his smile falling then. "There's also something else I have to tell you both. I'm moving out."

Maya feels like the happiness rug just got ripped out from underneath her. She really thought things were okay between them, but maybe they aren't quite as good as they seem.

"Andrea, you don't have to do that. It's your home," Carina tells him.

"Yeah, she's right. You don't have to leave. I'm not asking you to," Maya says.

"I know you aren't. I'm deciding this for myself. Sam and I want to get an apartment together. We really want to give this thing between us a shot," he explains. "And besides, as happy as I am for you both, I just can't live in the same place where my sister and best friend are sleeping together. That's just weird." His face scrunches up in mild disgust, eliciting laughter from Carina.

Maya understands where he's coming from, but she's still sad he's moving out. He's a great roommate, yeah, but that townhouse is where they became best friends. She hardly remembers living there before he moved in. It'll be so strange not having him there. Even when he was gone for days at a time, camped out at the hospital, Maya still knew he would come back eventually. She can't imagine him never coming back.

"It's your home," Maya tells him, not trying to convince him not to leave, but wanting to make sure he knows that.

"I know," Andrew nods. "And even if I'm not living there, it will still be my home because that's where the two of you are." He reaches out to press his thumb over the tattoo on Maya's wrist. "C12 forever," he tells her with a grin.

Maya can't help but grin right back at him. "C12 forever," she repeats.

There's a knock on the doorframe and then Travis pokes his head in the room. "Sorry to interrupt what looks like a nice, wholesome family moment here, but Dr. DeLuca #1 and #2, if you're both planning on eating dinner then you better come get it now before Jack and Ben inhale the rest of the pot. They're savages," Travis says before leaving again.

They all laugh and Andrew pushes himself up out of the chair. "I'm going to go wrestle Jack for a bowl of chili, wish me luck," he jokes before leaving the room.

Carina tugs on Maya's hand and pulls her up from the couch. "How are you feeling?" She asks, bringing a hand up to push hair that has fallen loose from Maya's ponytail behind her ear. Her thumb lovingly strokes Maya's cheek afterwards, awaiting her answer.

"I'm happy," Maya tells her.

She's feeling so many things right now, but happiness is what it really boils down to. She's happy she's Carina's girlfriend. She's happy she's Andrew's best friend. She's happy she has a whole team of people out in the beanery that literally walk through fire for her. She's happy her brother is finally her brother again.

She's just so happy.

She can't put it into any other words than that.

"Me too," Carina smiles, pulling Maya in for a kiss. She pauses just before their lips touch. "Is it okay to kiss you here?"

"Absolutely," Maya nods, closing the distance between them.

Carina pulls away after a moment and starts to step away towards the door. "I don't know exactly what chili is, but I'm so hungry I want to go find out." She pulls on Maya's hand to follow her, but Maya stands her ground.

Now that everything's out in the open with Andrew, she barely has anything weighing on her heart, but there's one more thing Maya needs to say before her heart will be totally weightless.

"Hang on," Maya says, pulling Carina back towards her. "I need to tell you something."

"What is it?" Carina asks, scrunching her face into this cute, curious expression.

Maya leans in and kisses her quickly. She's so cute, Maya can't help but do it. And now that Andrew knows, Maya has no reason not to kiss her as many times in public as she wants to. She knows for a fact Andy and Jack have had sex in this station a number of times, probably in this room unfortunately, so her kissing Carina is far from the most inappropriate thing that's ever happened here.

When she leans back, she looks at Carina and tries to communicate everything to her with her eyes, taking a moment to just appreciate how beautiful is.

After a moment, she can't stand not saying it any longer. "I love you," Maya says, smiling at the feeling of total weightlessness.

She's floating in the clouds. She isn't standing in the fire station, she's a thousand feet above the ground, floating in the clouds with Carina by her side. She's at peace. She's in love and she's at peace.

Carina sucks in a breath, her eyes becoming instantly glassy. Her grip on Maya's hips tightens and her bottom lip quivers before her mouth stretches into a smile.

"I love you too, Maya."

Maya never thought she was capable of being loved like this. She didn't think she was capable of allowing herself to be loved like this. She didn't think she was worthy of it. She definitely didn't think she would ever be able to love someone else like this.

But here she is. She has Carina in her arms and she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she loves her with her whole entire heart. She used to think her heart was dried up and shriveled, never meant for accepting or giving love, but Carina showed her that wasn't true.

Carina walked into her life and she slowly and unwaveringly made Maya realize she was capable of so much more than Maya ever realized. She doesn't think she ever would have realized that without Carina. Maya has been attracted to Carina since the moment she laid eyes on her, but the affection and love she feels for her now can never be matched because Carina taught her how to feel it.

She doesn't know what the future will look like for them, once Andrew moves out and it's just the two of them living together. She doesn't know what will become of their lives once they tell the station 19 team and if Maya has it her way, once they tell the whole world. She doesn't know how Maya will navigate being in a long term relationship for the first time ever.

But Maya knows she loves Carina.

The rest of it they can figure out together.

Chapter Text

Maya has always hated surprises.

Carina likes to say it's because she's incapable of giving up control, to which Maya likes to point out she's given up control plenty of times in the bedroom. That always earns her a laugh and an eye roll as Carina points out that wasn't what she meant.

Maya knows Carina is right, though. In the 5 months they've been together, she's learned to lighten up and not take things so seriously in a lot of ways, but giving up control outside of their bedroom is something she still struggles with. She just doesn't like not knowing what's going to happen. She likes to be aware of what's going on at all times, so to lose that is terrifying.

Therefore, surprises are a no-go. Even Carina dropping by the station unannounced to have dinner with her or just to say hi for a few minutes on her way home from work makes Maya's blood pressure go up. She's always thrilled to see her, of course, but those first couple seconds of being caught off guard make her anxious.

So Maya is incredibly grateful when Carina ruins the surprise birthday party Andrew is throwing for her. Carina has just pulled her car into the driveway after taking Maya out for a nice birthday dinner and Maya starts to get out of the door when Carina grabs her arm and stops her.

"Hold on, I have to tell you something," Carina says.

Something about the way she says it makes Maya nervous. The words sound almost ominous. Maya was in a great mood after such a lovely dinner, but now she's suddenly very worried.

Maya settles back in the passenger seat and looks at Carina curiously. "Okay," she says, drawing out the word. "What's up?"

Carina's eyes flick towards their townhouse quickly before they land on Maya again. "I didn't know if I was going to tell you this, but I thought you would want to know." She pauses for what's in reality probably only a second, but feels like an eternity to Maya who starts preparing for the worst. "Andrea is throwing you a surprise party. The house is full of all our friends hiding in the dark, waiting for us to come home. I told him you would hate it, but he says you threw him a surprise party so he wants to do the same."

Maya lets out a huge sigh of relief. She had been expecting something so terrible she doesn't even want to put it into words. A surprise party is nothing by comparison.

But then she realizes that no, a surprise party would be awful. If she had unknowingly walked through that front door only to have everyone jump out and scream at her, she's pretty sure she would have punched the closest person to her out of sheer panic.

She thinks surprise parties are one of the worst things a person can do to someone else. She only threw one for Andrew because he mentioned how much he always wanted one while they were watching some movie on Netflix shortly after they moved in together. She was unsure about it the whole time she was planning the party, but luckily Andrew had been so thrilled that Maya was glad she spent so much time stressing over it.

She never expected him to want to return the favor.

Carina must take Maya's silence as fear because she continues.

"We can leave right now. I can start the car again and I'll take you anywhere else you want to go," Carina rushes out. "I will book us the nicest hotel room in Seattle and make love to you all night to make up for this near disaster. You just need to say the word and we'll go."

Maya grins, imagining that scenario playing out. "As tempting of an offer as that is, I think I'm going to have to take a rain check." At Carina's confused expression at the idiom, Maya clarifies. "We will definitely be getting that hotel room another time, but not tonight. Thank you for telling me about the party, but I'll be okay. I'm glad I know about it and having you by my side will make it easier."

She wouldn't want to upset Andrew. She's sure he's so excited about this. It explains why he's been so squirrely lately. He's barely talked to her for two weeks, dodging her calls and coming up with any excuse in the book for why he isn't available to hang out. He knows how bad he is at keeping secrets without making it obvious he's keeping secrets, so he knew if they spent any time together or even just talked on the phone, then Maya would figure out he was hiding something.

Maya is flattered, honestly. She wishes he would show his love for her in literally any other way than throwing a surprise party, but she still thinks it's sweet. He's probably gone through so much trouble planning this, decorating the house, swearing all their friends to secrecy, likely even crafting the perfect playlist with all of Maya's favorite songs. Maya knows how stressful it was planning his party and keeping it under wraps and Andrew is, she's sure, way better at this than she is so he's likely been at his wit's end the past few weeks.

She really loves this guy. He's a better friend to Maya than she will ever deserve and she'll be forever grateful for him.

She will also forever be grateful for Carina and the fact that she knows her well enough to know Maya needed a warning about this party.

"You're sure this is okay?" Carina asks again, needing confirmation.

Maya reaches for Carina's hand and smiles lovingly at her. She takes such good care of Maya. It took Maya a long time to be willing to accept that and it still isn't easy sometimes, but it feels so good when she just lets it happen.

"Yes, this is okay. It will be nice to see everyone and even nicer because they won't scare me when they all jump out."

Carina laughs and leans in to kiss Maya, letting the kiss deepen for a few moments. "You're sure you don't want to go to that hotel now?"

Maya pretends to think about it for a couple of seconds before she shakes her head. "Another night definitely, but not tonight. Right now, let's go see what nonsense Andrew has planned for tonight."

They walk up to the front door hand-in-hand. Maya had never been that big on holding hands. Even when she was a little kid, Mason was the only one she would ever hold hands with. She would drop her mom's hand after a few seconds. Her dad never offered to hold her hand. Maya never dated anyone long enough for hand holding to become commonplace so it was just never something she did.

Holding hands with Carina calms her, gives her strength when she needs it, keeps her grounded, and makes her think she can do anything. It's incredible to Maya that such a simple thing can make Maya feel so many different emotions, but it does. She squeezes Carina's hand as she unlocks the front door and holds it open for Maya.

As expected, all the lights are off in the house. Maya can hear the faintest shuffle of people hiding behind furniture, but only because she's expecting it. If Carina hadn't told her, Maya is sure she would've jumped out of her skin when she flipped on the lights.

Instead, she takes a steadying breath and then does her best to make herself look surprised when she turns on the lights and all the most important people jump out and shout, "happy birthday!"

Maya fake startles, knowing it's what everyone would expect from someone being surprised. She hopes she's convincing enough.

"Oh my god, what is happening?" Maya laughs, taking another step into the apartment and acting as confused as she can.

She looks around and sees Travis, Dean, Jack and Jackson Avery in the kitchen, applauding and laughing at what they hopefully don't know is Maya's fake shock. Andy, Vic, Stephanie, and Jo are right by the stairs, wearing firefighter themed children's birthday hats and blowing on those obnoxious little party noisemakers. Mason is standing in the living room with his arm around his new girlfriend, Jacqueline, next to Ben and Miranda. Mason has a bright smile on his face that matches Maya's own and Maya feels such a rush of happiness seeing her brother standing in her living room and being thrilled to be there. There are a few firefighters from B shift and other doctors scattered around the house as well.

And standing in the middle of everything is Andrew, two party hats on his head and two party noisemakers hanging out of his mouth. They're barely making any noise because he's smiling so big all the air is just rushing out of his mouth, but he's doing his best. He has what must be a dozen of cheap, plastic, red beaded necklaces around his neck and what looks like a temporary tattoo of a firetruck on one cheek and a dalmatian with a fire helmet on his other cheek. He must have raided a party store for children's party decorations because of course he did.

Andrew takes the noise makers from his mouth and throws his arms out to gesture around the room. "I'm throwing you a surprise party!" He exclaims as if that isn't already obvious.

"I can see that," Maya laughs, stepping further into the room. "How did you manage to keep this a secret?"

"I'm just that good," Andrew grins, stepping forward and wrapping Maya up in a big hug. He lifts her off the ground and laughs as Maya practically squeals at being airborne. He at least managed to surprise her with that hug even if he didn't with the party.

"Clearly you are," Maya muses, very grateful when her feet land back on the floor. "This is crazy, thank you so much," she tells him, finally saying something that isn't fake.

"You're welcome. I thought it was only fair if I returned the favor." Andrew points at Carina and gives her a smug look. "See, I told you she would be okay with this!"

Carina laughs with an amused expression. Maya knows she's the only one who notices the way Carina grinds her teeth for a second at having to admit Andrew was right, even if he wasn't.

"I know, I know," Carina sighs, letting Andrew believe he's right.

Andrew takes one of the party hats off his head and puts it on Maya's, being careful to not let the elastic band snap against her neck. Even when he's hyped up like this, he's still mindful enough to make sure he doesn't hurt her. He's just too good.

Even though Maya knows he's a mess because he's still heartbroken over Sam being deported, he's still finding it within himself to be upbeat and happy for Maya tonight. He really is the best guy Maya knows. She hasn't a clue what she would do without him and she's still grateful that her relationship with Carina didn't come between her and Andrew.

He didn't become Carina's annoying little brother like he was worried about. They're basically family by this point. He's even become great friends with Mason. After Sam left, Andrew crashed with Maya and Carina for a couple weeks, but once he was able to get some composure back, he and Mason moved into an apartment together. They live in a tiny two-bedroom in between the hospital and the grocery store where Mason is now assistant manager. Maya and Mason still have dinner once a week, most of the time with Carina and Andrew too. They've become such a family unit. Despite the shared familial trauma both sets of siblings have endured, they've managed to create their own family together.

"I hope you're ready to dance, because I have the best playlist queued up for us," Andrew says.

As if on cue, music starts playing through the speakers in the living room and Andrew starts immediately dancing without inhibitions. He tries to coax Maya into joining him and even though she hesitates because she never dances like this without at least 3 drinks in her system, but he threw this whole party for her so she rolls her eyes and joins him.

Carina, knowing Maya better than Maya knows herself, shows up less than a minute later with a drink that she passes to Maya. After letting Maya take a big sip, she grabs her hips and starts dancing right alongside the small group that's formed in the middle of the living room.

Maya has no idea how she got so lucky to be surrounded by so many people that she cares about so deeply, but she'll never stop being grateful for it.

Mason finds her later once Maya has settled on the couch to catch her breath. He plops down beside her taking a sip from his can of Coke.

He loves drinking it in front of Maya and teasing her for all the Coke billboards she used to be on back during the Olympics. Even though it's an understatement to say they weren't close back then, Mason confessed to her a couple months ago that he still followed along with her Olympic journey. He watched her qualifying races, read all the articles and interviews, and watched her cross the finish line in London. He said even though he was mad at Maya and resented her back then, he was still proud of her.

"So Andrew is a huge weirdo, huh?" Mason laughs, elbowing Maya playfully in the ribs.

"You're just figuring that out?" She asks him with an arched eyebrow.

"No, I've known it since the moment I met him. Tonight he's at peak weirdo though, and it's amazing."

Maya looks into the kitchen where Andrew and Travis are currently destroying Jo and Stephanie at beer pong. Maya had teased them all for being immature when Jo suggested they play, but it's been highly entertaining so she's glad they decided to play anyway. Every time Andrew or Travis sink one of their throws, they do this ridiculous little victory dance that involves them shimmying, spinning around and knocking their shoes together mid-jump. They're such dorks, but she loves them for it.

"He's having so much fun, you'd think this was his party," Maya jokes.

"Oh it definitely is," Mason confirms with a nod. "It might be your birthday, but it might as well be his. We're going to have to find a way to top this for his next birthday. We have less than four months, so we better start planning now."

"He bought children's, firefighter themed decorations, plates and cups. There's no topping this."

They both share a laugh and fall into a comfortable silence, despite the party raging on around them.

"So Jacqueline is pretty awesome, huh?" Maya asks, nodding to where she, Carina and Miranda are standing off to the side, talking and laughing about who knows what.

Mason looks over with a loving smile, completely doe eyed. He and Jacqueline met at the grocery store. He helped her get something off a top shelf one time and they shared shy, flirty smiles, but Mason thought that's all it was. Then she came into the store every single day for a week, buying a random item or two at a time so it was justified. Finally, Mason worked up the courage to ask her to go out for a coffee. It's still a new relationship, but Maya really likes her. She's good for him. She's tiny and blonde, is constantly optimistic and always smiling. She's basically sunshine in human form. She's a good influence on Mason and also accepts him for who he is without judging him for jow past. Maya is so thankful Mason found her.

"She's the best," Mason says, still smiling at her. Jacqueline happens to look over and makes eye contact with him so she shoots him a wink, which has him blushing.

Maya could tease him about it, but she chooses not to. He's happy and falling in love. She doesn't want to poke fun at that.

After a moment, he manages to tear his eyes away from Jacqueline and looks back at Maya. "So I know you told me not to get you anything for your birthday, but I did anyway. I didn't spend any money on it though, so technically I didn't buy you anything," Mason says. He holds up a hand to cut off Maya's protest and reaches for his phone in his pants pocket. He scrolls for a second and then turns the screen for Maya to see.

Maya focuses on the phone and realizes it's an email. It takes her a moment to realize what she's reading, but when it finally clicks, her jaw literally drops and she gasps. It's an email from Northwest College of Art & Design. More specifically, it's an acceptance letter to their program addressed to Mason.

"No fucking way," Maya manages to say, still a bit in shock. She looks at Mason and the proud smile he has on his face tells Maya this is for real. "Oh my god!" She exclaims, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around him in a big hug.

He always told Maya he wanted to go to art school and actually finish this time, but he hadn't told her he'd applied anywhere yet. He kept getting promoted at work so she thought he might stay there awhile and work his way up to managing the whole store.

"Mason, this is amazing," she tells him when she pulls back from their hug. She looks at his phone and reads the email again, absolutely beaming.

"Thanks," Mason says, trying to act like it isn't a huge deal, but the proud grin on his face betrays him. "I'm pretty excited," he says, knowing his face isn't keeping any secrets.

"You should be! I'm excited for you too." She looks at him and all she can see now is the little five year old boy he used to be, hogging all the crayons for himself and drawing pictures for Maya to hang all around her room. Even after everything they've both been through, Mason is still that little kid in her eyes. "I'm so proud of you," Maya says, her voice breaking. She can't help the emotion welling up in her throat or the tears that threaten to fall.

Mason spots her watery eyes right away and shakes his head. "Nope, we aren't going to do that. This is your birthday. This is a happy time. No tears." He stuffs his phone back in his pocket and stands up from the couch. The way he sniffles tells Maya he was getting emotional too before he shut it down. "I'm going to go check on Jacqueline."

He starts to walk away, but Maya grabs his hand. She won't turn this into some big emotional heart-to-heart per his wishes, but there's one more thing she needs to say first.

"I love you, Mason."

He chews his bottom lip for a moment, taking the time to keep his emotions in check. "I love you too," he finally says. He squeezes her hand and then drops it and head off towards his girlfriend.

Maya and Mason still have a ways to go before they'll be totally healed from their childhood trauma, but they're slowly getting there. She tells him she loves him whenever it's appropriate. After going so long without knowing where he is or if he's even still alive, Maya always wants to take the time now to make sure he knows how much he means to her. She knows the feeling is mutual, but she doesn't tell him so he can say it back. She says it because she wants him to hear it after spending years on his own. She wants to make sure he never doubts that again.

She watches as Mason walks up to Jacqueline and puts his arm around her. She leans up and kisses his cheek before tuning back in to whatever Miranda is saying. Mason stays focused on Jacqueline, though. He's got it so bad.

"You look like you want a second piece of birthday cake."

Maya looks up and sees Andrew standing in front of her, arm outstretched with a piece of grocery store sheet cake with brightly colored frosting. The cake had been on theme with the rest of the party and pictured a big red fire truck on it. He even had the store's bakery write 'station 19' along the side of the fire truck. The whole station 19 team had posed with the cake, grinning and pointing. Jack and Dean played rock paper scissors to decide who got the piece with 'station 19' on it, but Travis stole it while they kept re-challenging each other.

She smiles up at Andrew and takes the cake from him. She definitely doesn't need more cake, but she'll run an extra couple of miles in the morning to make up for it.

"Are you having a good time?" Andrew asks her, moving to sit in the spot Mason just left.

"I'm having a great time," Maya tells him genuinely. "This is the best party ever, thank you." She's still glad Carina ruined the surprise part of the surprise party, but she's still grateful for the party itself.

"You're welcome," Andrew nods, taking a sip from his beer bottle. "It is a pretty great party. Even if Carina did tell you about it in the car."

Maya's eyes widen and she's too stunned to come up with a lie to cover for herself. She really thought she had fooled him, but apparently not.

"It's okay, I figured she would tell you anyway," he laughs. "Even though she did, you were still surprised by that so technically this is still a surprise party."

"Drew, I'm so sorry," Maya says, finally finding words.

"Don't be," he says with a wave of his hand. "I wanted her to tell you because you hate surprise parties. I just didn't want to tell you myself because then you would've tried to convince me not to throw the party at all and that just wasn't acceptable."

"You know I don't like my birthday," Maya says.

She's never been a fan of birthdays. She's always down to celebrate someone else's birthday, especially if they get super into it like Vic does. It makes it fun. But her own birthday is something she's never wanted to be a big deal. It just feels like another day. She doesn't need all of that attention. She has to admit though, this party has been really nice. Her birthday hasn't been so bad this year.

"I know, but you have a house full of people here that love you. I wanted to make sure you knew that," Andrew explains. "When you threw that party for me last year…well, it was kind of the first time I felt that loved and appreciated since my mom died. It felt really good to know that many people cared about me. I just wanted you to feel that too."

Maya feels tears pricking her eyes again and she groans. "Between you and Mason, I swear. You aren't supposed to make the birthday girl cry." She's laughing as she wipes away her tears, but she leans into him as he wraps an arm around her shoulders.

"I cried to you on my birthday, so this is just payback."

"You cried after the party was over! It was only the two of us. No one else saw," she points out.

"Yeah, well I don't live here anymore. It would be weird if I just hung out until everyone was gone to make you cry."

"You could always move back in," Maya teases.

As much as she loved living with Andrew, she wouldn't trade living alone with Carina for anything. They've loved making this house their home. She's really loved the party where they no longer have to follow the 'no sex in shared areas' rule. They've had fun in every room of this house. Andrew would never sit on this couch if he knew some of the things she and Carina got up to on it.

She misses Andrew, of course, but it's definitely for the best that he doesn't live here anymore.

"Absolutely not. I still stand by refusing to live in the same house where my sister is having sex with my best friend." He takes a long sip of his beer to wash down having to say that.

Maya just laughs at him. She stands by his refusal too.

"Mason is a much better roommate than you, anyway," Andrew says. "He doesn't make me go on sunrise runs with him or force me to drink gross protein shakes. Living with him is awesome."

"Oh, whatever," Maya scoffs, shoving Andrew away from her and laughing. "You said it yourself, those shakes aren't that bad."

"I totally lied to you. They're terrible. I was worried if I dissented, then you might disown me."

"You're such a dumbass," Maya complains, but she has a fond smile on her face.

Andrew sighs and says, "no, for real though. I do miss living here some days. You were a pretty good roommate and we had a lot of fun together."

"Yeah we did," she agrees.

"Yo, DeLucs!" Dea bellows from the kitchen. The music isn't even that loud anymore and he isn't that far away, so he definitely doesn't need to be shouting that loudly. He's definitely well past tipsy. "Get back here so Gibson and I can kick your and Travis's ass."

"Not a chance in hell!" Andrew calls back. He turns to Maya and says, "well, I guess duty calls. You want the next game? It shouldn't take too long. Trav and I will crush them in no time."

Maya laughs and shakes her head. "No, I'm good. You kids have fun."

"We always do." He leans over and kisses Maya on the side of her head. "Happy birthday, Maya," he says before pushing himself off the couch and heading back towards the kitchen.

Maya takes a minute to look around the house at all her loved ones. They're all varying shades of drunk with the exception of Miranda and Ben, ever the responsible parents. Everyone is having a good time, laughing and dancing and joking around. Andrew is lining up his first throw. Travis is hyping him up. Andy is trying to teach Vic, Jo and Stephanie some salsa moves. Carina is telling a very animated story to Mason, Jacqueline, and Miranda that has them all laughing.

These are the people Maya loves more than anything and they all love her back. She never thought she would have such a support system. She never thought she needed it.

Maya is a runner. She only ever ran solo races. She wasn't part of a team, at least not in the traditional sense. She always just ran for herself. She motivated herself. She trained for herself. She ran for herself. It was only ever just Maya. Her dad was there too, but she's learned to stop crediting him for her success. He was never the one running, she was. Maya did all of that on her own.

She has to admit though, being part of a team is pretty damn amazing.

"So did you have a good birthday?" Carina asks Maya later that night while they're lying in bed.

Maya grins, knowing Carina already knows the answer to that. Her thighs are still shaking from Carina trying out her new birthday present on her, but she's finally caught her breath so she's able to speak.

"This is the best birthday I've ever had," Maya says honestly.

"Good," Carina hums, leaning down to kiss Maya's bare shoulder. "You deserve it." She kisses a trail across Maya's chest, light and delicate kisses that are barely there, but Maya feels each one everywhere. "Andrea did a very good job, but next year I will throw an even better party," she says, never able to pass up some friendly sibling competition.

Maya starts to roll her eyes and remind Carina that Maya is supposed to be the competitive one when she catches onto part of what Carina just said and she loses her breath all over again.

"You said next year," Maya whispers. She uses a finger to tilt Carina's chin up away from where she's kissing Maya's chest so Maya can look her in the eye. "You're planning to be here next year?"

Maya knows she can't imagine Carina ever not being there. She can hardly remember a time when she wasn't. She hasn't even known her a full year yet, but she feels like she's known her all her life. She feels like she knew her in a past life too. It's like Carina has always been there, even when she wasn't. She's always imagined Carina sticking around forever in her mind, but she's never voiced it aloud. Neither has Carina until now.

Carina smiles and leans in to place a kiss on the tip of Maya's nose before she leans back and says, "I'm planning to be here all of the next years."

Maya feels a shiver run down her spine while simultaneously her skin starts burning. The contrasting sensation has Maya craving Carina's hands on her again.

"You're stuck with me," Carina laughs.

Maya bites back a smile, knowing she would never feel stuck with Carina. Quite the opposite, actually. Carina makes her feel free.

"I can't imagine anything better," Maya says, knowing it's a cheap line but it's worth it for the big smile it gets her from Carina.

"I love you," Carina says, leaning in to kiss her lips this time.

Maya kisses her back, getting worked up in a matter of seconds. She thought they had been about to go to sleep, but nope. They were definitely just taking a break before the next round.

"I love you too," Maya says against Carina's lips.

Carina pulls back for a moment so she can look at Maya as she says, "happy birthday, amore mio."

"Grazie, bambina," Maya replies, knowing what her speaking Italian does to Carina, even if it is just a few simple words.

Carina leans in and kisses her again, getting lost in the feeling as Carina's hands start to work their way across Maya's skin, drifting lower and lower.

Yeah, this is definitely the best birthday she's ever had. She can't wait for a lifetime of birthdays spent with Carina by her side.

Chapter Text

When Maya was 13 years old, she suffered from a heat stroke.

It was 103⁰ F that day in Seattle, and while all of Maya's friends were at Jessica Scott's pool party, Maya was on the track training with her dad. She remembers being exhausted before she even stepped on the track. The heat practically evaporated all the energy she had in her body within seconds. It was difficult to breathe because the humidity made the air feel so thick.

While she was running laps, her dad was standing in the shade under a tree with a jug of ice water and a mini fan. When she asked to take a break after her first two laps and he said no, she remembers thinking she hated him. She felt guilty for thinking that, so to punish herself, she kept her eyes forward and continued running.

She remembers feeling her heart beating gradually faster, but she didn't think anything of it. It wasn't until she noticed she wasn't sweating anymore and her skin felt clammy that she realized something must be wrong. She knew she needed to stop, but she didn't want to ask her dad for a break that he would surely reject yet again.

So she kept running.

One and a half laps later, she passed out.

Two hours later, she woke up in a hospital bed and overheard a doctor explaining to her parents what was wrong with her. She could hear the judgment and caution in the doctor's voice as she asked what had happened. Her dad spun some story about him repeatedly asking Maya if she needed a break and offering her water, but he said she refused. The doctor seemed to buy it. Her dad can be charming and convincing when he wants to be. The doctor told her parents she should take the next two to three weeks off from training and get plenty of rest to allow her body to recover.

Her dad gave her four days off, and then she was back on the track again, this time with an extra bottle of water as if that would make all the difference.

Maya had almost entirely forgotten about that memory, but it comes surging back to the front of her brain when she's trapped in the garage of a burning house on a call. Her body overheating brings back the sense of memory, and then the rest of the details come flooding in.

Maya has found herself in some pretty dangerous situations while out on calls, but she quickly realizes this might be one of the worst. That realization is only further validated with each degree in temperature the garage climbs.

"If we die in here, Carina is going to kill me," Maya lamely jokes to Andy.

They're sitting on the ground, leaned back against the damn door that refuses to open. She can still hear the rest of the team outside, down at the other end of the door and trying with saws and jacks to force it open even though it clearly isn't working. She appreciates the effort but has accepted it's useless. They're going to have to find another way out of here, but she's all out of ideas.

"If we die in here, Carina is going to kill me," Andy says with a half-hearted laugh. "And then she'll make her doctor friends bring me back to life just so she can kill me again."

Maya manages a wry smile, but she's too tired to really laugh. And she's too scared. She might be making jokes, but that's just because she's too afraid to really think about how Carina would react if Maya really were to die in this stupid garage.

Just 7 hours ago, she was lying in bed with Carina, lazily making out while they fully woke up. It wasn't heated or rushed; they weren't trying to actually have sex. They were just enjoying letting their hands wander aimlessly and kissing slowly until their lips were sore. Maya remembers thinking how happy she was knowing she got to kiss Carina for the rest of her life. She wasn't pushing for it to go any further than that because they have all the time in the world; there was no need to rush.

If only she knew how her day was going to go, then maybe she would've let things progress a little more quickly.

She can't die in here. She won't let it happen. She isn't done loving Carina yet.

Across town, Carina is in the ambulance bay with Andrew and Dr. Shepherd, awaiting the arrival of one of Carina's patients who took a fall and hit her head. Dispatch told her ER the patient was lucid, and bleeding was minimal, but considering she's 30 weeks pregnant, no one was taking any chances, so her husband called 911.

"It's good to have you back, DeLuca," Amelia says, nodding her head in Andrew's direction. "I never told you how sorry I was how everything played out with Dr. Bello. She's a very gifted resident."

Carina knows Amelia isn't able to notice, but she picks up on the way Andrew's spine stiffens at the mention of Sam. He's still barely holding it together. He's taken up residence back at Maya and Carina's place, back in his old room like he never left. Except now, he barely leaves his room. He eats meals with them but barely partakes in the conversation. He just wallows in his self-pity and misses Sam.

Carina doesn't blame him, of course. She can't even imagine being in his situation. Well actually, she would be in Sam's situation and Maya would be in Andrew's, but still. Being forced apart from the person she loves due to bullshit immigration laws? It makes Carina sick to even think about. She applied to extend her work visa three months earlier than was suggested just to make sure there was no chance of things getting delayed and her being sent back to Italy. She even started driving slower and making every effort to rein in her temper while behind the wheel just to make sure she doesn't get caught in a situation like Sam did. And though Maya never said anything about it, Carina knows that's something Maya is worried about too. Maya offers to drive every time they go anywhere together now, when before she was always glad to hand the keys to Carina.

They're both trying to help Andrew as much as they can, or rather, as much as he'll allow them to. He doesn't want to talk about it at all. He barely wants to talk about anything but work, now that he's actually back. It's the only thing distracting him enough to keep going. He doesn't know it, but Carina heard him leaving a voice-mail for Sam late one night when she went down to the kitchen for water. His voice sounded more broken than she's ever heard it and it took everything in Carina to not storm into his room and take her little brother into her arms. But she couldn't. He would've been so embarrassed that she heard him. So instead she said nothing. She decided not to get any water so she didn't make noise and alert Andrew that she was downstairs. She went back up as quietly as she could and crawled back into bed with Maya, pulling her tightly against her chest.

Carina is pretty sure Sam never called him back. She thinks Sam cut off communication entirely to try and make things easier. Carina assumes this is just as hard for her as it is for Andrew, probably even harder since she's the one who was effectively deported. And Carina knows it isn't Sam's fault, not in the slightest, but the protective part of Carina wishes she would talk to Andrew, even just for a minute. Anything to help ease his pain, no matter how fleeting that moment is.

Andrew hums and nods in Amelia's direction. "She is," is the only thing he can manage to say.

Amelia takes the hint to not press it any further. She looks at Carina with a sympathetic expression and a tight, understanding smile.

Carina returns the smile and then looks to Andrew. He looks marginally happier when he's in his scrubs and white coat. Helping his patients is a welcome distraction, she knows. Even if it's only temporary.

Just then, the ambulance siren comes blaring from around the corner and Carina makes herself push her concerns for her brother aside so she can focus on her patient.

Carina flinches each time the siren starts its next tone, something she's done ever since she started getting closer to Maya. Even though Carina knows exactly who's in this ambulance, she's still nervous. Every time she passes one on the street or when she's in the ER and hears a new one arrive, she's terrified Maya might be the one inside. Carina has realized that while Maya is at work, Carina has started holding her breath. She didn't even notice it at first, but sometimes she'll catch herself suddenly gasping for air in the middle of charting or waiting on scans or reading a new journal article. When things get quiet, when Carina isn't distracted by the fast pace of her job, she holds her breath out of fear for Maya's safety.

She hates how dangerous Maya's job is. She loves Maya and part of that means accepting Maya risks her life every time she goes to work. It scares her endlessly, but she knows Maya loves it. She thrives at work and she's good at it. Maya told her the fire chief recommended she apply for a lieutenant's position once Andy or Jack are promoted to captain. Maya's face had lit up so brightly when she told Carina. She was so excited and inspired. It's as if she had never imagined that path for herself until Chief Ripley suggested it. Now it's all she can think about.

And Carina is terrified.

But she supports Maya and wants her to succeed at her job. She knows how important it is to her. But she can’t help wishing Maya’s job were at least a little bit safer. Just a little bit.

Now isn’t the time to think about that, though.

She has a patient.

The ambulance comes to a stop and the doors swing open.

“Patient is Anita Burch, 27 years old. She’s experiencing mild dizziness and nausea after hitting her head during a fall. She’s 31 weeks pregnant,” the paramedic says, Carina thinks her name is Bonnie. She’s done her best to try and remember the names of all the paramedics that come through regularly.

Carina already knows all these details about Anita, but she makes herself be patient and lets Bonnie do her job.

“Anita, how are you feeling?” Carina asks. She knows Bonnie just told her, but she needs to hear it for herself. She can manage to be patient, but she can’t help being abundantly cautious when it comes to her patients. She needs to ask again.

“I’m okay, really. Nick is just paranoid,” Anita says, rolling her eyes and reaching back for her husband’s hand after the paramedics move her gurney to the ground.

“You can never be too paranoid when it comes to head injuries,” Amelia chimes in, bringing up a pen light to do a quick check on Anita’s eyes.

“That’s what I said!” Nick exclaims.

“Can you all handle this from here?” Bonnie cuts in. “Dispatch called about some firefighters trapped in a garage and they need additional units.”

Carina’s head whips up at that. “Which station?” She asks, suddenly forgetting entirely about her patient. She’ll worry about feeling guilty over that later. Right now, she’s too busy being worried about Maya.

“I don’t know. 29? 19 maybe?” Bonnie says, a little too flippantly for Carina’s taste, but maybe she’s just being too critical because Maya might be in danger.

“Yeah, you’re good. Get to the scene,” Andrew tells Bonnie, sliding in to take her place next to Anita’s gurney. “We’ve got this.”

“Thanks, Dr. DeLuca,” Bonnie says before climbing in the back of the rig and slamming the door shut. The siren starts back up and the ambulance rushes away in a flash of red.

An ER nurse and an intern step outside and help pull the gurney inside, thankfully, because Carina is locked in place. Her shoes feel like they’re filled with cement and her skin is ice.

Maya might be trapped.

They’re calling in additional units.

This could be really bad.

This is really bad.

All of Carina’s worst fears, the ones she always tries to tell herself she’s ridiculous for feeling, might be coming true and she’s unable to even move her feet. She might have stopped breathing. She has a patient that needs her help and yet she can’t move her damn feet.

“Carina, it’s okay,” someone says, but Carina isn’t sure who.

Her eyes are still glued to the end of the alley where the ambulance was just a few seconds ago. The ambulance that might be going to rescue Maya. The ambulance that might be back here before too long with Maya inside.

Yeah, she definitely stopped breathing.

Carina feels someone’s fingers on her chin, gently turning her head towards them. She reluctantly looks and sees Andrew’s stoic face looking back at her.

“Carina, it’s okay,” Andrew says, evidently the one who said the same words before. “She’s okay. She is,” he insists.

“I don’t know how to do this,” Carina admits. She didn’t know she was going to speak. She didn’t know she was able to. The words feel foreign on her tongue, even more foreign than English usually feels. Or maybe she had spoken in Italian. She doesn’t even know.

“Look at me,” Andrew says. “Guardami,” he says more intently this time when Carina doesn’t listen.

That was definitely Italian. Carina knows that much. She thought she was already looking at him, but her eyes were still straining to the left, trying to see if an ambulance is about to arrive. Her eyes bounce around Andrew’s face for a moment before they settle on his eyes, eyes that match Carina’s exactly.

Carina can tell there’s concern bubbling under the surface in those eyes, but he’s managing to keep his composure. He must know that Carina needs it.

“She’s okay. We have a patient,” Andrew tells her, his voice steadier than she’s heard it in weeks. He’s been such a mess since Sam left that his voice wavers almost every time he speaks, when he actually does manage to speak. But now, it’s sure and clear. “There’s nothing we can do right now except help our patient. There’s no sense in worrying until we know more.”

Carina knows he’s right. Maybe Maya isn’t trapped. Maybe it isn’t even 19 that’s involved. Bonnie thought it might have been 29. Maybe it is. Maybe Maya is back at the station, safe and sound. Maybe Carina is freaking out over knowing.

“Breathe,” Andrew says. “Breathe with me.” He takes a slow, deep breath in and then out. He repeats until Carina finally joins him. “Let’s go inside and make sure Anita’s okay. After that, we’ll find out what’s going on. Okay?”

Carina feels herself nodding even though she doesn’t remember her brain telling the muscles in her neck to make that motion. She’s agreeing though, like she knows she should.

“I can’t lose her,” Carina says, fully aware of the words she’s saying this time.

“You won’t.” Andrew’s words and eyes are unflinching. He brings a hand up and wipes a stray tear off of Carina’s cheek. “We won’t.”

Carina takes another deep breath and then another. Andrew is right. If Maya even is the one in danger right now, there’s nothing she can do to help her. But she can help Anita. That’s something she’s actually capable of.

“Okay,” Carina says. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Andrew nods. He takes Carina’s hand in hers and squeezes. “Okay.”

Andrew pulls her in the direction of the ER and Carina makes herself follow him.

She tries her best to push her concerns aside, at least for the next few minutes. That might be all she’s capable of.

Maya can't stop picturing the plastic, exaggerated smile on her dad's face when he was talking to the doctor after her heat stroke as a kid. She can't stop hearing his hollow, manipulative words as he tried to twist the situation like it was Maya's fault she collapsed, as he convinced the doctor he would make her take a break from training so she could fully recover.

The hotter it gets in the garage, the more cold sweat starts to bead on her forehead, the harder it is to forget that day. It had been buried so deep inside her brain, but now she couldn't forget it. The details came rushing back and each one made her angrier and angrier.

She was angry at her dad for how he treated her. She was angry at her mom for letting it happen and not protecting her. She was angry at herself for being so oblivious to it all for so long. She was a little angry at Carina for picking up on it so easily, but her heart wasn't really in that feeling. She knew was wasn't actually mad at Carina, she just needed an outlet for all the rage she was feeling and that was an easy target. It wasn't fair when her dad deserved so much of it. Carina wasn't to blame here.

Maya had to stop thinking about this or she was going to lose her mind.

"We have to get out of here," Maya says as loudly as she can, trying to garner everyone's attention. She can't just sit here doing nothing anymore. She's a doer. She prides herself on her ability to take action. She has to do something, literally anything so that she isn't just stuck with her miserable thoughts.

"Yeah, no shit," Jack huffs.

Maya would smack him if she had the energy to reach across the few feet separating them. Instead, she decides she'll smack him later. Because there will be a later. There has to be. There's no way in hell this is how Maya Bishop gets taken out.

"She's right," Ryan says, defending Maya even though she's perfectly capable of defending herself. "We're running out of time. Everyone needs to think now. There's gotta be a way out of here."

Jack scowls at Ryan like he wants to kick his ass, which honestly he probably does given the way he’s been glaring daggers at Ryan and Andy any time they’ve been within two feet of each other, but now isn't the time. Luckily, he has that same realization because instead of challenging him to a duel for Andy's heart, he just shakes his head and leans back against the garage door.

"That door," Jack says, nodding to the door leading from the garage into the house. "It looks hydraulic. Could you hijack the motor? Open it to the inside of the house?"

"Isn't there a fire on the other side of that door?" Officer Reis asks like she's offended Jack would even suggest such a thing.

"We're firefighters," Jack shrugs, brushing off all her concerns with that simple gesture. He can never pass up the opportunity for a potential hero moment.

"We're not," Officer Reis says in a tone that implies she might be questioning Jack's sanity at that moment.

"We can get you guys out," Jack assures her, not even fazed by her worries.

Audrey rises from her spot on the floor and walks towards the door. She and her obsession for home security are the reason they’re trapped here right now and Maya still wants to yell at her about it, but know it wouldn’t do any good.

"I don't know,” Audrey says. “I didn't design the motor, but maybe."

Everyone jumps to attention at that. Well, they slowly stand up, but considering the heat is wicking nearly every ounce of strength from their body, it's a pretty impressive feat.

Audrey pries the fingerprint scanner off the wall, exposing all the wires behind it. Maya and Andy grab their crowbars and wedge them at the base of the door while she fiddles with the wires.

"Some of the wires are melted, but if you guys are fast, we may have a shot," Audrey says.

Maya says a quick, silent prayer. To what, she doesn't know. She's never been religious, but in this moment she finds herself wishing there actually is some higher power out there in the universe and she wishes more than anything that they'll help her out right now.

Suddenly, there's a whirring sound from the door and Maya pushes down on her crowbar with a strength she didn't know she was capable of. She hears Andy grunting and sees the muscles in her arms straining, telling Maya she's giving it everything she has too.

This feels like the only chance they'll get. Now or never. They're either getting out of the garage in the next few seconds, or they aren't getting out at all.

Maya manages to push even harder on the crowbar at that thought.

Just as she's starting to feel the door give the slightest amount, there's a sparking noise from the wires and she hears Audrey shout as she jumps back.

"Dammit, the wires are too fried," Audrey laments.

Maya feels her stomach drop, feels like it just fell onto the ground by her feet.

She really might die in here.

She'll never forgive herself for doing this to Carina.

"She won't answer her phone! Cazzo!" Carina exclaims, barely stopping herself from throwing her phone at the wall. On the off chance Maya might actually call her back, it won't do her any good if she smashes it to pieces.

"She leaves her phone in the engine on calls," Andrew tells her softly, even though he knows this is something Carina already knows.

He's handling this so much better than Carina is. She knows he's probably only holding it together as well as he is because Carina is falling apart and he knows losing it as well won't help matters. She loves him dearly for keeping his emotions in check so he can support Carina. She knows on the inside he's freaking out just as much as she is, sick with worry over Maya, but he's holding it all in so he can be there for Carina. She reminds herself to thank him for it later.

He was the one who kept her calm enough to treat their patient. He was the one who offered to stay with Dr. Shepherd waited for Anita's CT results so Carina could excuse herself to an on-call room to obsessively call station 19 until someone picked up at the front desk and told her what was happening. He's the one who delivered the good news to Anita that everything is fine and covered for Carina by saying she was with another patient. He's the one that knew the moment he stepped into the on-call room that Carina found out Maya was one of the firefighters stuck, just by the look on her face. He wrapped her in the biggest hug and didn't filter even once.

In the midst of his own personal crisis, he managed to dig deep and help Carina through hers. She doesn't know what she did to get blessed with the most wonderful baby brother, but she's forever grateful she did.

"What am I supposed to do, Andrea? I have to do something. I can't just sit here knowing Maya might be dying ten minutes away." Carina does her best to blink back tears, but she tastes salt on her lips as they fall anyway.

Andrew's face falters. He wants so badly to break down too, but he clears his throat and steels himself. "She's not dying. This is Maya we're talking about. She'll probably break the door down with her bare hands and then won't stop talking about it for a month."

It's a half attempt at a joke and Carina wants to be grateful for it, but all she can manage is a small shake of her head. She turns towards the window in the direction she knows the house is where Maya's trapped. She of course can't actually see the house, but she's still tempted to start running in that direction until she finds it. She knows there's nothing she could do even if she were there, but at least then Maya would know she was there for her. At least then maybe she wouldn't feel so helpless being so close and yet so far away.

"I can't lose her," Carina says, the words practically a whimper. Once they leave her mouth, she realizes it was a terrible thing to say considering Andrew actually did lose the woman he loves, but all she can manage by way of apology is a sympathetic look in his direction.

He shakes his head like he's dismissing her apology, telling her it isn't necessary. "You won't," Andrew assures her, not even a hint of hesitation in his voice.

"You can't know that."

"But I do. Because I know Maya. She's the most determined, most stubborn person I've ever met. If anyone can find their way out of this, it's her."

Carina knows he's right, but she's having an exceptionally hard time believing it. It's so easy to let herself spiral.

She's never been like this. She's always prided herself on her ability to stay level headed and think clearly during difficult situations. But this? Maya being in danger? All ability to remain calm has been thrown out the window and she doesn't think she'll ever get it back.

She looks at Andrew. He's leaning against the door of the on-call room, his arms crossed and his eyes large and full of sympathy. Only the tightness in his jaw gives away how much this is upsetting him.

Carina has always been able to keep herself composed when she's looking out for Andrew. Maybe she can trick herself into calming down in this situation if she tells herself it's for Andrew's sake.

"She's going to be okay," Carina grits out. It takes more effort than she expected, but she does feel better after she says it, like speaking it will make it true.

"She's going to be okay," Andrew repeats, certainty ringing clear through his words.

Carina nods for a long time, thinking if she keeps repeating those words in her head, she'll finally believe them.

She isn't quite as successful as she hopes.

Luckily, Andrew is there to wrap her up in his arms when she falls apart completely.

Just like so many times before, it's Captain Herrera that inspires them to finally find a way out. His desperate, encouraging pleas give them the determination they need to figure it out.

"The only thing that can get through that door is the thing trapping us in here--fire," Andy says, which makes the idea click in Maya's head a second later.

"We need an explosive," Maya adds.

They both look frantically around the room, looking for anything they can possible blow up. Maya sees Ryan look longingly at the car again, still convinced his idea to jump start it is the only thing that can save them.

"Wait, the water heater," Andy says before Ryan can bring up his idea again. "It has a pilot light. Pilot lights ignite things, cause explosions."

"Explosions turn anything into a high-velocity projectile." The gears in Maya's brain as turning now. She's exhausted physically and mentally, but she's starting to believe again they will actually get out of here.

She can already imagine Carina's arms around her once she's safe.

"It's worth a shot," Maya adds, knowing it's really their only shot.

"We just need something for the pilot light to ignite."

"An accelerant."

"Or gasoline, from the car," Ryan chimes in.

Maya would be pissed at Ryan for bringing up that damn car again if he weren't right. She's almost annoyed at him for actually finding a way to make his idea part of how they get out of here, but she's too damn thrilled to finally have an escape route that she gets over it.

The plan practically forms itself on its own from there.

They unhinge the water heater from the wall and lay it on its side so it can be launched towards the garage door. Ryan siphons fuel from the car and creates a makeshift explosive, which Andy positions right near the pilot light.

Everyone huddles down behind the car and braces for the explosion while Andy lights the flame. Maya watches with more tension in her spine than she's ever felt. She doesn't think she's ever been so anxious in her life. This is their one and only chance to get out. If this doesn't work…well, Maya won't even think about that. She can't. Not yet.

But then Maya notices the release valve is loose. She realizes that when the heater explodes, that valve could go flying anywhere in the garage and kill one of them.

She can't let that happen and she doesn't give herself the chance the think better about it. Andy tries to stop her, but it's useless.

Maya runs towards the heater and the moment she steps behind it, the thing explodes in a ball of fire and she's launched backwards into the air. Her feet leave the ground and she's sure for a second that this is how she dies.

The only thing she can think of is how pissed Carina will be that she did this to herself.

But she doesn't die. Her vision blurs and she's fighting slipping into unconsciousness, but she doesn't die. Her ears are ringing louder than any fire alarm she's ever heard, but her heart is still beating. Pain is radiating through her back from colliding with the wall, but at least she can still feel it so it can't be too bad.

It isn't until Andy grabs her shoulder and turns her around that she realizes even though she isn't dead, this might still be worse than she thought. She sees Andy's mouth moving, but she can't hear a single word she's saying. All the can hear is that high pitched ringing that makes her skin crawl. Nothing else. Not the shouts from the other firefighters as the flood into the garage. Not Captain Herrera's surely panicked words as he hugs his daughter. Not what she assumes are concerned questions from Vic as she does a quick medical assessment on Maya.

Nothing.

This is bad.

Carina camps out at the desk in the ER, waiting for the call to come through that firefighters are being brought here for treatment. They're the closest hospital, so there's no way they won't come here. Andrew is there too, technically helping with patients, but he keeps looking over at Carina every other second, making sure she isn't falling apart again.

Every time the phone rings, Carina jumps for it. The nurse running the desk got annoyed the first couple of times Carina snatched the phone out of her hands, but she's given up even trying to answer it. At this point she doesn't even look towards the phone when it rings, instead just letting Carina handle things and pass along whatever information is needed.

She's lost count of how many calls she's answered, how many times her shoulders slump when she realizes it isn't about Maya, how many ambulance sirens she's heard pull up and how many gurneys she's seen wheeled by the desk. She has no idea how long she's been there.

But then she finally gets the call she's been simultaneously counting on and dreading.

Incoming. One civilian. Two police officers. Three firefighters.

One of whom is Maya.

Carina is waiting in the ambulance bay before dispatch even ends the call. Andrew is right next to her only a second later with a steady hand placed on her shoulder.

Her heart is in her throat when she hears the sirens. She thinks dispatch told her they were all non-emergent, but Carina doesn't care. Maya could've died. Even if Carina is told Maya is medically okay, she won't believe it until she sees Maya for herself.

Carina is stepping forward and swinging open the door to the first ambulance before it's even fully stopped. When she sees it's just the civilian dispatch mentioned, Carina moves to the next one without a second glance. She knows she's a bad doctor at that moment, ignoring a patient in need, but she can't help it. Besides, there's a resident stepping up right behind her that takes her place so she's able to justify it.

When she opens the door to the next ambulance, she spots Maya sitting at the end of the bench, leaning back against the wall with her eyes closed. Carina rushes onto the rig immediately. She vaguely notices Jack and Andy sitting on the opposite bench, but she's too frantic to acknowledge them right now.

Carina sits on the bench next to Maya and takes her face gently in her hands. Maya startles, her eyes flying open and darting around before they settle on Carina. The surprised expression melts from her face and she gives Carina a tired smile.

"I'm okay," Maya says a little too loudly.

Carina pulls her into a hug and feels hot tears pricking at her eyes. All she's wanted the past few hours is to have Maya safe in her arms and now here she is. Carina told herself she would try to keep it together for Maya. She didn't want her to know just how scared she was, doesn't want her feeling guilty. But she can't help it.

Maya winces a little when Carina tries to tighten the hug and Carina jerks back.

"You're not okay," Carina says. "You're hurt."

"Yeah, getting thrown back into a wall will do that to you," Jack chimes in as he's moving off the rig.

Carina whips her head around to look at him. "What happened to her?"

Andy elbows Jack in the ribs and he glares so deeply at her, Carina thinks he has more grievances with his ex than just the blow to his side. Jack grumbles something to Andy, but gets the hint and says nothing further to Carina.

Carina turns back to Maya. "You were thrown into a wall? What happened?"

Maya watches Carina's mouth while she's speaking, which is strange because Maya is always so insistent on looking people directly in the eye when she's speaking with someone. She pauses before she answers, like she needs a moment to process what Carina just asked her.

"I'm okay," is all Maya says, again a little too loudly.

Something is definitely wrong, but Carina doesn't get the chance to ask anymore questions because Andrew is stepping up into the rig.

"Maya, I'm so glad you're okay. What happened?" He asks, reaching out to put a hand on Maya's shoulder.

It isn't until he touches her that Maya looks over and realizes he's there. She smiles at him, but doesn't say anything in response to his question.

Oh god.

Carina has a sinking feeling as she realizes what must be happening. She reaches up and snaps her fingers by Maya's ear.

"Maya, can you hear me?" She asks, but Maya is still looking at Andrew and doesn't even realize Carina just said anything. "Maya, look at me." Carina uses her fingers to tilt Maya's chin towards her and repeats herself. "Can you hear me?" She snaps by her ear again, then the other, but Maya doesn't even react.

She must have been able to read her lips though because Maya's forced smile slips from her face and she shakes her head and says, far too quietly this time, "don't tell anyone. Don't tell the team."

Carina is pissed.

That much is painfully obvious.

She brings Maya to an exam room and does the general evaluation herself while Andrew goes to find Dr. Avery so he can look at Maya's ears.

Carina looks incredibly concerned at first as she carefully checks Maya over for any bruises or broken bones. There are more than a few bruises, but luckily nothing is broken or fractured. She touches Maya so delicately and keeps murmuring what Maya assumes are sweet words. She can't really hear the words, but she's starting to hear the dull vibration of sounds other than that incessant ringing. Judging by the concerned and loving expression on Carina's face, her words are definitely meant to be soothing even if they aren't heard.

But then Jack steps into the room for a moment to check on Maya and she's pretty sure Carina interrogates him to tell her what happened. Maya can't hear what all they're saying, but she sees how sheepish Jack looks and how Carina's concern is transformed into anger while Jack explains. She can start to hear more as Carina's voice raises and her hand movements become wild as she grows increasingly more upset.

Maya appreciates Jack coming to check on her, but she really wishes he hadn't. She knew Carina would find out about how Maya hurt herself, but she was hoping for time to figure out how to tell her on her own. Leave it to Jack to swoop in and ruin that plan. He's here checking on her because he cares, but Maya kind of wishes Jack weren't such a considerate person and teammate right now.

Then a sinking feeling hits her in the chest.

What if Carina tells Jack about Maya's hearing being messed up? He's practically her boss, unfortunately. This wouldn't be like Vic admitting to them she's spooked by fire and the team rallies around to help her. Jack would have to report this. Maya would be benched for the foreseeable future. And what I'd her hearing never returns to normal? She could lose everything, right as she's about to start down the lieutenant's track.

She knows she asked Carina not to tell the team, and she nodded in seemingly acquiesce, but what if she's so pissed right now that she just blurts it out? Jack doesn't look any more concerned than he did before, if anything he's just more concerned for himself because of the way Carina is losing it on him.

Dammit, Maya really wishes she had taken one more second to think before launching herself at that water heater. It could've saved her so much trouble.

Once Carina is finished berating him, signaled by the fact she jabs a finger in his face once more and then whirls around and crosses the room like she can't stand to be near him anymore, he looks at Maya with an overly apologetic face.

He mouths the word, "sorry," and then steps out of the room. Maya sees him rush past the window in a hurry to distance himself from Carina's wrath.

Maya takes a breath and manages a cautious look over at Carina only to find her seething. She's grateful she still can't hear completely because she knows that's the only reason Carina isn't blowing up on her right now.

She understands her anger, she does. If Jack told her exactly what happened in that garage, then of course Carina is upset that Maya put herself in such danger. It was dumb and reckless, Maya knows that now. It isn't often she owns to to having a bad idea, but that was a bad idea. She just reacted. She saw a problem that could've endangered anyone in the garage and she had to try and stop it. Unfortunately she nearly blew herself up in the process.

So of course Carina is pissed.

Maya just wishes she would pretend like she weren't for a moment so Maya could hug her again.

She didn't let her brain linger on the thoughts very long, but she couldn't stop thinking about never being able to hold Carina again if they weren't able to escape. She never thought it was possible to desire being in someone's arms as badly as she wants to be in Carina's practically every second of the day. The comfort and ease she feels in Carina's embrace is just as steadying as it is intoxicating. Maya can't imagine never having that again.

She wishes just for a few more minutes Carina could forget her anger and go back to comforting her.

Maya is about to ask her for just that when Maya actually hears a noise across the room. She turns to see Andrew pushing the door open and stepping inside, followed closely by Dr. Avery.

During the exam, Carina shifts back into being concerned and attentive, but Maya can tell her anger is still resting just under the surface. Maya is able to hear more and more as the exam goes on, enough that at the end she can hear Dr. Avery tell her that it looks like she's ruptured her ear drums, but he thinks they will heal on their own without surgery. He says her hearing might ebb and flow over the next few weeks and the ringing will come and go, but it shouldn't last. She might experience nausea and vertigo, but he can prescribe her something to help with that.

Considering she's able to hear all that, it means she also knows she's going to hear the full extent of Carina's anger once Dr. Avery leaves, which is way too soon. He sees himself out with a kind wave and then it's just Maya and the DeLuca siblings.

Andrew eyes them both suspiciously, Maya a little nervous and Carina a lot upset. "What's going on?" He asks, too caring and attentive to them both to just take Carina's glare as a sign to leave.

"Why don't you ask Maya," Carina says, her words tight and measured, like she's about to burst open from all the emotions she's feeling inside.

Andrew looks at Maya like he knows she's in trouble and finally figures out he should give them space. "Or how about I go and let you two work out whatever is about to happen and then I'll ask for details later."

He doesn't give Maya time to protest and plead for him to stay with her as a buffer. He just steps closer and leans down to place a gentle kiss on Maya's cheek. "I'm glad you're okay," he tells her.

Maya gives him a quick smile, but it wouldn't even matter if she wanted to actually say something because he hurries out of the room. He's been on the receiving end of Carina's fury before and he clearly doesn't wish to experience it again.

Traitor.

Maya waits until the door closes completely before she looks over at Carina. She's so tired and her body aches so much, she would really rather just go home and take a nap. She considers asking Carina for just that, but figures there's no point in avoiding this. Besides, she won't sleep well knowing that Carina is so upset.

And there are things she needs to figure out first.

"What did you tell Jack?" Maya blurts out before she can stop herself.

Carina actually jerks back in confusion. "What?"

"Jack," Maya says slowly. She knows there's an edge to her voice that Carina doesn't deserve, but she's so afraid Jack is blabbing to their Battalion Chief right now which would mean Maya is going to walk right out of this exam room and into probation. "When he stopped by, what did you tell him? Did you tell him about my hearing?"

Maya is shaken by the disappointed look that flashes over Carina’s face. She doesn’t think Carina has ever been disappointed in her. Maya hates it, but she can’t help it. She feels her career slipping through her fingers. It’s a career she didn’t even know she wanted until a couple of weeks ago, but now she can’t get it out of her head. And now she might lose it before she even had a real chance to go after it.

She feels herself slipping into her old, hyper focused ways and it scares her. She doesn’t want to be like that again, but she doesn’t know if she’s strong enough to fight it.

“That’s what you care about right now? I was worried sick about you, afraid you were going to die, and you care if this will hurt your chances at becoming lieutenant?”

Carina’s voice is more betrayed than Maya has ever heard it. Even when Maya held her at arm’s length, insisting they couldn’t be together, Carina never sounded this upset. Her brown eyes are glassy with tears and Maya knows they aren’t angry tears. Maya broke her heart.

Maya hates herself in that moment. She wishes she could stop caring about this so much, but her dad is still in her head. Yes, she wants to become lieutenant for herself, but she also wants it to happen to spite her dad. He can take as much credit as he wants for her track career, she won’t fight him on that. As much as she hates it, he was unfortunately a big part of her success. But her firefighting career is all her own. She can become lieutenant, then captain, then battalion chief, then maybe one day even chief of SFD. She can do all of those things and not a single damn moment will be thanks to her dad. Not one.

She’s so angry at him today after all those memories resurfaced that she’s more determined than ever to jumpstart her climb up the ranks. Losing her hearing, even temporarily, could be a fatal blow to that climb.

“I wasn’t going to die,” Maya insists, even though there were several moments in that garage when she didn’t believe those words.

“You don’t know that!” Carina erupts, finally unleashing all the anger she’s been feeling. “Even if the heat didn’t kill you, Jack told me you ran towards a bomb! What the hell were you thinking?”

“It wasn’t exactly a bomb,” Maya tries to defend herself, but she trails off when Carina’s eyes narrow and Maya swears they flash red. It’s enough to get her to back down, if only a little. “Okay, it was kind of like a bomb. But I was trying to protect everyone. I thought I could make it in time. If that valve had gone flying, it could have killed any of us.” Maya cringes when she realizes she just proved Carina’s point, not that it needed proving because it’s something Maya already knows.

Maya could have died.

She really, truly could have.

She shouldn’t give a fuck about her hearing right now. She should just be glad she’s still breathing and was capable of walking out of that garage on her own two feet. She should be grateful she’s in the same room with Carina again, even if she is furious with her.

Maya could have died, but she didn’t. That’s all that matters.

"You could have died," Carina says, her voice cracking on the last word. She swallows down her tears and focuses on her anger, the internal struggle clear on her face. "And don't say you weren’t going to because Jack told me you could have."

Maya sighs and finally gives a reluctant nod. "Yeah, I could've died."

Carina's bottom lip flutters and she swallows hard. "You can't do things like that. I can’t lose you. What am I supposed to do if you die? How am I supposed to just move on? I don’t care how long we’ve been together. You’re the love of my life. You’re it for me. You can’t just go blow yourself up without even thinking about what it would do to me."

Maya really wants to get off the exam table and cross the room to Carina. She wants to take her in her arms and provide her any sort of comfort she can. The devastated look on Carina's face is breaking her heart and she hates she's the reason it's there.

She stays put though. She doesn't know if Carina wants her to touch her right now.

Maya swallows every ounce of pride she has and says something she rarely ever says, something she knows is just a start, but something absolutely necessary.

“I’m sorry.”

Tears finally break through and fall from Carina’s eyes as she crosses the room and pulls Maya into her arms. She holds her as tightly as she can without Maya wincing. It might still be a little too tight, but Maya holds in any sounds of pain. Feeling Carina’s arms around her is worth every bit of it.

“You can’t do things like that,” Carina says again, muttering the words into Maya’s shoulder.

Maya sighs again and hesitates before saying what she does next. “I can’t promise you that I won’t have to do something like this again.”

Carina sucks in a shuttering breath. “Maya,” she warns.

“I can promise you that I will do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen, but that’s all I can give you. I’m in dangerous situations all the time at work, Carina. You know that.” Maya leans back so Carina takes the hint and pulls away so they can lock eyes. Carina refuses to let her go, though. “I love you and I will always do everything I can to make it back to you. That’s the best I can promise..”

Carina closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to lose you. I was a wreck today. I was a bad doctor and I hated it, but I couldn’t help it. You were all I could think about.”

“I’m sorry,” Maya says again. “I can’t imagine what that was like. I couldn’t stop thinking about you either. Well that and…” Maya trails off. She hadn’t meant to bring this up. She didn’t think she was ready.

“What?” Carina asks carefully, reading Maya’s hesitant expression.

Maya takes a deep breath, figures she might as well tell her. She thinks she’ll feel better afterwards, she usually does.

Maya tells her everything. Her dad forcing her to train, the sense memory that brought the moment roaring back, the way he played the doctor, how he only gave her a fraction of the time off the doctor suggested. She watches as Carina’s face goes from sympathetic to angry to heartbroken to downright scathing. When she sees Carina grinding her teeth, she brings a hand up and traces her fingers along Carina’s jaw until the tension releases.

“It messed with my head,” Maya says. “When I wasn’t thinking about a way out or you, that’s what was taking up my headspace. I wasn’t thinking clearly when I ran towards the boiler. I’m not using that as an excuse and I’m not asking you to forgive me because of it. I’m just trying to explain. I’m responsible for my actions, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t distracted.”

Carina nods, reaches up and pushes some of Maya’s hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s not fair when the people who are supposed to protect us are the ones who end up hurting us.”

Maya knows that all too well. She also knows Carina has had more than her fair share of parental trauma. If anyone gets it, Carina does. And while she wishes Carina never had to experience any of it, knowing she understands a part of Maya that no one else does brings Maya a comfort she’s never known. She knows she can tell Carina anything and she’ll be empathetic. Even if she didn’t live that exact situation, she has some sort of parallel she can draw to it. Maya hates that for Carina, but she also knows she’s one of the few people she knows that can relate to her fully. It makes Maya feel seen. It validates all the things she feels and makes her know she isn’t alone. She and Mason still barely discuss their dad, it’s better that way. Maybe one day that will change, but for now Carina is the one person Maya can tell literally everything to and she knows she’ll never be judged for a moment.

Maya is infinitely grateful for it, loves Carina even more because of it.

“I’d completely forgotten about it,” Maya says. “It worries me to think what else my brain might be hiding from me.”

Maya knows that Carina wants to suggest she goes to therapy, but she won’t. She agreed to stop bringing it up. Therapy is certainly something Maya knows she needs one day, but she isn’t ready. Talking to Carina is one thing. Talking to a stranger is something else entirely. She thinks about it a lot and is coming around to the idea, but she isn’t there yet.

Instead, Carina leans in and places a delicate kiss on the corner of Maya’s mouth. “One day when you’re ready, you’ll be able to process it all.”

Maya nods, letting the topic rest right there. She lets out a slow sigh and squeezes Carina’s hips. “Can we go home now?”

“You don’t have to finish your shift?”

“Considering I almost died, I think I’ll be able to talk them into letting me cut out early.”

It’s not really a joke, but the nonchalant mention of her brush with death is not amusing to Carina. She narrows her eyes and Maya has the good sense to look regretful.

“Let’s stop by the nurses station on the way out so I can let them know I’m going. Then we’ll go home,” Carina promises. “And you’re getting right into the shower because you smell terrible.”

Maya feigns offense, knowing Carina’s 100% right. If only her sense of smell were damaged like her hearing. “As long as you join me in the shower.”

“I will join you for a second shower. You definitely need at least two.”

Maya steals a quick kiss before Carina steps back and lets Maya hop down from the exam table. Every muscle in her body aches and she knows she’s going to feel even worse tomorrow. A hot shower might be the only thing to soothe her right now.

Carina takes Maya’s hand and leads her out of the room. Maya is sure they have more to talk about. Carina isn’t just going to let this go quite so easily.

But right now, Maya is okay. They’re together and they’re going home.

The rest can wait.

Chapter Text

Considering they share a closet, Maya is always thrown when Carina puts on an outfit Maya has never seen before.

She used to think Carina hid her new clothes in the guest room closet downstairs so she could wear them as a surprise on date nights, but Maya has checked a couple times. It's still just filled with their winter coats and bags of old clothes they should really take to the thrift store, but keep forgetting to.

Maya isn't exactly sure how she does it, but she's always blown away when Carina surprises her with a new dress or suit. Especially when she looks so good in them.

Jo and Alex are getting married today, so Vic and Andy came over to Maya and Carina's place to get ready together. They haven't had a girls day together in a while because things have been so busy with work, so they're a raucous mess of laughter and talking over each other to give life updates. Carina hangs back on the fringes, laughing along in turn, but mostly just admiring Maya and their friends.

Which is exactly how she manages to slip into their room to change while the other three girls are piled in front of the giant mirror over their bathroom counter, halfway working on their makeup, halfway wheezing with laughter as Vic tells them about her epic failure of a Tinder date last week.

Maya is just finding her breath again when she catches a glimpse in the mirror of Carina stepping into the doorway. The air is stolen from her lungs all over again. Her stomach flips and the room suddenly feels way too hot.

Carina’s dress is tight and floor length, with swooping colorful lines that all match her skin tone perfectly. Her lipstick is a deep purple that Maya kind of really wants to see smeared across her own neck later tonight. Or maybe her thighs. Or maybe both. Or instead of later tonight, maybe right now. They can just skip the wedding. She'll buy Jo and Alex a really nice gift. They'll understand.

Carina's reflection smirks at her like she can tell from the dumbstruck look on her face exactly what she's thinking. She shrugs in a way that Maya takes as agreeing to ditch. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking.

Maya is trying to remember how to make her mouth form words when Vic finally spots Carina as well.

"Damn, DeLuca! Isn't there an unspoken rule about not upstaging the bride at her own wedding?"

Andy turns around and admires Carina too. "Yeah, if the bride were anyone other than Jo, they would definitely ban you from the ceremony."

Carina laughs off the compliments, but the way her back straightens ever so slightly tells Maya she's loving the attention.

"Wow," is the only thing Maya can manage to say and it comes out as barely a breath. Her fingers are twitching, begging to be grabbing onto Carina’s hips, and she aches between her thighs. This is far from an unfamiliar feeling when it comes to dating Carina DeLuca, but that doesn’t mean she’s all that great at handling it. Maya has always prided herself on being in control, but when it comes to Carina, she’s practically hopeless most of the time.

"Good job, Carina. You killed Bishop," Vic teases, nudging Maya with her elbow, causing Maya to stumble into the counter, which just makes Vic howl with laughter.

Carina winks at Maya and bites her lip ever so slightly. She looks Maya up and down, then she locks eyes with Maya and licks her lips.

Yeah, they're definitely skipping this damn wedding.

Maya opens her mouth and is about to kick their friends out of the house when she hears knocking at the front door followed by the sound of a key turning the lock, signaling the arrival of the one person who could dampen the sexual tension between them.

Maya actually rolls her eyes, knowing the moment is over. Carina laughs at her disappointment, but mouths, "later," to let her know this isn't totally over.

"Oh, that must be Andrew," Vic chirps. "I told him we'd get drunk and dance like fools together. He needs some cheering up."

"His girlfriend got deported and taking you as a wedding date is supposed to magically cheer him up?" Andy laughs.

"I'll have you know, I'm fantastic at weddings. I've been the highlight at practically every reception I've been to. I refuse to let them be boring. Mere acquaintances have begged me to come to their weddings after hearing about my skills. No one is a better wedding-goer than me."

"Are you forgetting I'm literally a salsa dancing champion? I've been known to be the life of a few wedding receptions too," Andy points out.

"Are you challenging me to a dance battle?" Vic teases with a raised eyebrow. "No seriously, though, are you? Because I didn't buy Jo a wedding gift yet, but a glorious spectacle like that at her reception is surely sufficient."

Her friends dissolve into a debate about appropriate wedding gifts, but Maya barely hears it. She's still so focused on Carina and the way her dress clings tightly to her hips. She already knows Carina is going to have to do a little shimmy to get the dress off later once they're alone. Or maybe Maya won't even wait until the dress is off. Maybe she'll just bunch it up around Carina's hips and fuck her with the dress still on. Now that would be a sight.

Turns out Andrew's arrival didn't actually do much to dampen her desire after all.

She does manage to tear her eyes away from Carina for a moment when Andrew appears beside her. Her heart breaks a little when she sees him and suddenly she's more focused on that than anything else.

He managed to shower and put on a suit, but his eyes are still so heavy and tired. His cheeks are a little flushed so Maya assumes he probably cried at some point this morning. Getting ready and trying to be happy to go to a wedding while he's emotionally devastated from Sam having to flee the country certainly isn't an easy thing to balance. He's here, though, which is all they can really ask of him.

He crashed on Maya and Carina's couch for days after Sam left. He technically was staying in his old room, but he barely left the couch, staring mindlessly at whatever show was on cable and only interacting with Maya and Carina when they forced their company on him. .

Eventually, Carina decided enough was enough. She knew he was going through something terrible and she felt awful for him, but she didn’t think wallowing was good for him. She firmly encouraged him to get off the couch and start finding a way to get on with his life.

Maya saw where she was coming from, but she also couldn’t even imagine being in Andrew’s position. If Carina were the one who had to leave the country and couldn’t return…Maya doesn’t even want to think about it.

Carina’s method was affective. She and Andrew argued about it, loudly and in Italian. Maya was proud of herself for understanding about half of it, but she didn’t intervene. She did her best to stay out of sibling matters, part of maintaining boundaries between her friendship with Andrew and relationship with Carina. It was dramatic, as to be expected from the two of them, but it worked. Andrew got up, showered, and actually slept in the spare bedroom that night. Then the next day, he went into work for the first time since Sam left.

It’s been a couple weeks since then and his mood ebbs and flows most days, but Maya thinks he’s doing better. He’s smiling a little more and laughing a little more. He’s still sad, but he’s learning to be happy again. Maya is proud of how well he’s doing. She isn’t so sure she’d be any better in the same situation.

“Damn, how are the DeLuca siblings both so hot?” Vic whistles, earning a small smile out of Andrew. She smirks proudly to herself. “We’ll be ready to go in a couple minutes.”

Vic and Andy go back to finishing their makeup. Maya is already done, but she turns around to face the mirror and pretends to touch up her mascara so Carina and Andrew can have a moment to themselves. She watches in the mirror as Carina reaches out to adjust Andrew’s tie. He rolls his eyes, but he lets her do it. Carina smiles and pats his chest when she’s done, her eyes full of love and barely masked concern.

Maya is the only one Carina has let in on just how worried she is about Andrew over this. She’s still so worried he is bipolar like their father. She’s afraid that this is triggering one of his depressive episodes. Maya has tried to reason that an awful thing happened to someone he loved and he lost her because of it, so of course he’s depressed. But honestly, she’s been concerned about his too. This seems deeper and more intense than any of the heartbreak she’s ever seen any of her friends go through. She tries to be optimistic about it, though. Carina is worried enough on her own. She doesn’t need to know Maya is worried too.

But today is a good day. It’s a happy day. Their friends are getting married. Today is a day of celebration and Maya has been looking forward to it for weeks. As much as she wants to blow it off and just take Carina to bed, she knows this day will be good for all of them.

She’ll just need to have her way with Carina later.

The day ends up being one mess after the other.

First, they show up at the wrong wedding venue. Then, when they do finally get to the correct location, Jo and Alex are missing. Plus, Ben shoots Maya and Vic a text to say that as soon as they left the wrong wedding, the bride’s mom collapsed at the alter so he and Miranda won’t be making it to Jo and Alex’s wedding.

Understandably, they all hit the bar as soon as they get to the right place. They’re two shots in and that’s all it takes for Maya’s resolve to start slipping. She can’t stop staring at Carina, he hips, her breasts, her lips, her fingers wrapped around the shot glass. Maya isn’t so sure she can keep her hands to herself any longer. And even if she could, why would she want to?

Her skin feels tight and itchy and so, so hot. It's a warm day, but she knows that isn't the reason why she's sweating at the base of her spine. Her thighs ache so badly her legs are a little wobbly. She wants Carina so badly all she can think about is her tongue in Carina's mouth and her hands underneath that damn dress.

She's so focused on the way Carina's throat bobs as she downs another shot, Maya forgets to take her own. That's when she makes her decision. She reaches for Carina's hand and pulls her off lodge or hotel or whatever building it is they're at currently. She's had such a singular focus all day, she's barely paid attention to her surroundings at all. She mumbles something about going to check out the horderves that her friends must buy because no one questions it.

They barely make it around the corner before Maya is backing herself against the wall and pulling Carina's into her.

"Took you long enough," Carina smirks.

"Shut up," Maya huffs, pressing her mouth to Carina's.

Maya sighs into the kiss. It's only a hint at the relief she needs, but it's a start. Her hands go to Carina's waist, fingers twisting in the fabric of her dress. She really fucking love this dress, but right now it's keeping her from Carina's bare skin, so it's essentially the enemy.

Carina bites Maya's lower lip seconds in and Maya groans.

"Since Jo is missing, her bridal suite is available, right?" Maya asks, her words pressed against Carina's throat.

Carina leans back and looks at Maya with a single skeptical eyebrow raised. "You're saying you want to go and sneak into our friend's bridal suite while she and her soon-to-be husband are missing from their own wedding, so we can have sex?"

Maya is breathless when she says, "yes, absolutely. I think Jo and Alex would support our decision considering they definitely snuck off to do the exact same thing."

Carina's smile turns wicked. "You truly are the love of my life. Let's go." She kisses Maya once, twice more and then pulls her towards the door.

"You two totally just fucked, right?" Vic asks the second Maya and Carina make their way back outside.

Maya says nothing, but she feels her cheeks flush so she knows that's answer enough for Vic.

"What did we miss?" Carina asks, looking around the lawn with a concerned expression, taking in the wedding cake smashed across the grass, overturned chairs, and--"wait, is that blood?"

"Yeah, so crazy story, but somehow this mess of a day managed to get even messier," Vic starts.

"That intern they call Glasses knocked over the wedding cake," Andy adds.

"And then the wedding planner had an allergic reaction and Owen had to give her a trach, hence the blood," Vic continues.

"And somewhere in there Andrew gave a drunken speech to everyone about how he used to be in love with Jo and Alex kicked his ass," Vic says, wincing as she remembers the obviously embarrassing moment.

"Oh Andrea," Carina laments, looking around the crowd for him. Her hand tightens around Maya's.

Vic notices the worried look in her eye and says, "he's okay now. Dr. Grey took him for a walk so he could cool off."

Carina's shoulders relax, but her grip on Maya's hand stays tight.

"Are Jo and Alex still missing?" Maya asks.

"Yeah, either Alex's stamina is literally legendary or they're actually in trouble. For Jo's sake, I'm hoping it's the former," Vic teases. She might not be drunk enough to give an inappropriate toast like Andrew, but she's definitely not too far off.

The way Andy giggles at the joke suggests she's even closer.

"What even is this day?" Maya asks, laughing incredulously and shrugging her shoulders.

As if on cue, Alex, Jo, Andrew, and Meredith come hustling back into the fray. Jo's dress is torn and smeared with dirt. Alex's tie is missing and his dress shirt is equally as dirty as Jo's dress, his suit jacket thrown over one shoulder well wrinkled. They both look frazzled, but they're grinning.

"We found them!" Andrew announces, looking proud of himself.

"And we found a dead guy!" Jo adds. She looks over at Alex and they both burst out laughing.

Maya has no idea what the hell is going on, but she's struck by how happy the couple looks even through what has clearly been a chaotic day from the very beginning. Any other couple would be panicking and stressed out beyond belief that the day managed to go so off the rails, but not Jo and Alex. They're just happy to be together and to be so in love. And after everything they've gone through, who can blame them?

Maya's stomach tightens and for a reason other than how worked up she got over seeing Carina in her dress. She thinks she loves Carina that much. She thinks she could have her entire day go to hell and she'd still just be happy to be standing next to Carina. She would be stressed and panicking at first, for sure, but she knows Carina would calm her down with little more than a hand on her back or a smile to her temple. Carina is the only one who has ever been able to ease her concerns so simply, or at all really.

They've only been dating a couple months, but Maya's heart has known Carina's since they first met, long before Maya let her brain stop getting in their way. She loves Carina enough to let her plans get ruined. She loves Carina enough to laugh at how bad their luck is. She loves Carina enough to get mar…

That's a wild thought.

A very, very, far off thought, but one that doesn't scare her the way it maybe should this early.

Maya looks up at the way Carina is looking at Andrew with relief, feels the way Carina leans into Maya to seek comfort, and knows that wild thought is the truth.

She files it away to deal with later because they're nowhere near that, but she feels a thrill shoot up her spine at the thought of that possibility.

The wedding was, understandably, called off.

Or so they thought.

They all pile back on a ferry boat to cross the sound, passing around the remaining trays of food and bottles of champagne from the abandoned festivities. The few other passengers on the ferry go elsewhere to avoid all the noise, so they have the entire upper deck to themselves.

Suddenly, Maggie starts telling everyone to meet at the back of the boat and is organizing then so they're a clear pathway through the group. The wedding is apparently still on, after all.

Meredith officiates the ceremony and does a lovely job. Maya barely knows her, but she knows a lot of what she's been through, so it's inspiring to hear how beautifully she speaks about love.

Jo and Alex are smiling so widely at each other it's a wonder their faces don't get stuck like that.

Carina stands behind Maya, her arms wrapped around Maya and her chin resting on her shoulder. She keeps tilting her face to kiss Maya's jaw, her neck, her cheek. Maya starts to wonder if her own grin is going to get stuck on her face.

After the ceremony, a makeshift dance floor forms among the group and someone pulls a bluetooth speaker out of their bag to play music.

Maya and Carina dance for a few minutes, but then they find themselves leaning against the railing, watching their friends have a good time.

Carina leans in to kiss Maya's ear and whispers, "you were dirty today," before nipping at her earlobe.

Maya's body feels electric in an instant and she knows this tension between them is far from resolved. "I wasn't that dirty," Maya insists. She only takes half a glance at Carina's raised eyebrow before she rolls her eyes and relents. "Okay fine, I was pretty dirty. But so were you and besides, I didn't hear you complaining."

"Oh definitely not complaining." She leans in and kisses Maya's jaw. "Pure admiration," she hums.

They fall into a comfortable silence for another few moments until that intern Glasses manages to fall yet again, this time right in the middle of the dance floor.

Maya cracks up and Carina barely bites back her laughter at the scene.

"Why does every social event in this city end in chaos?" Maya asks.

Carina scoffs and says, "that is a little dramatic."

Maya turns to her with wide eyes. "You're calling me dramatic? You argued with a waitress the other day because they had Hawaiian pizza on the menu and you said it was an abomination."

"They claimed to be an Italian restaurant. No self respecting Italian would ever serve fruit on pizza."

Maya laughs at how stubborn Carina still insists on being about this. "She was a college kid who was just trying to get a paycheck. She didn't make the menu. I gave her a 200% tip as an apology and wrote a promise at the bottom of the receipt to never come back."

"Oh whatever." Carina rolls her eyes and playfully smacks Maya's shoulder. "But still, not every event ends in chaos."

Maya knows there's no point in fighting this. She hates to win, but she knows Carina is stubborn enough to never let this one go, at least not if Maya doesn't concede first. "Okay, fine," she relents. "Maybe not every single one. But a lot of them."

Carina hums and shrugs her shoulders, giving in a little too. "That's fair," she agrees.

They fall quiet again and watch as the song fades into a slow one and couples start pairing off. In the middle of it all, Jo and Alex sway. They're barely dancing, but they're holding onto each other, Jo's head on Alex's chest and secret smiles on both their faces. Jo's eyes are closed and she looks more at ease than Maya has ever seen her.

She feels that earlier tightness in her stomach again and can't stop herself from asking, "that might be nice one day, yeah?"

Carina takes a moment before she answers, lifting her head from Maya's shoulder and looking at multiple couples in the crowd before her eyes settle on Jo and Alex. "What, marriage?" She asks, tone nothing but skepticism.

Maya shrugs, understanding exactly where she's coming from. Her parents sure as hell didn't have a marriage to model after and Jo is her first friend to get married. She really has no other points of reference for successful marriages except Ben and Miranda, but they're such a well paired match they're practically a fluke. She had the realization earlier today though, and now she can't really shake it.

She also doesn't want to push it too much though because she hasn't fully accepted it herself yet. "Yeah, I mean I guess. One day. What, do you not want to get married?"

Carina is quiet for a few moments while she considers it. "I used to always say no. I saw what it did to my parents, how it tore me and Andrea apart for so long. I've seen my little cousins devastated when my aunt and uncle divorced and the custody battle was such a mess. I never thought it was worth it. What's the point, you know? A piece of paper isn't going to make a relationship last forever. I can love someone for the rest of my life without a ring to prove it. Marriage just complicates things." She sighs and leans a little more heavily into Maya's side. "But now, I don't know." She reaches for Maya's hand and brings it to her lips, kissing her knuckles before letting their hands fall again but keeping their fingers intertwined. "Watching them and knowing what all they've been through to get here. I don't know, it might be nice. Some day, at least."

Maya can accept that. It's pretty similar to how she feels too. She can't expect some massive, life altering revelation in just a day. They're nowhere near that and Maya doesn't want to jump ahead to that part anyway. She still wants to enjoy where they are for a long time. The rest can wait.

"Yeah, some day," she agrees.

Andrew stumbles over to them a moment later not because she's still intoxicated like he was, but because he clearly has a thought nagging at his mind that has him distracted.

"So I uh…I think I might have uhm, I maybe kissed Meredith Grey earlier," he whispers.

Carina starts howling with laughter and Andrew cringes. He hides his face in his hands and shakes his head. Maya laughs too, finding Carina's enjoyment of this a little funnier than Andrew kissing his boss, but still enjoying that nonetheless.

Mostly, she's just glad this further validates her theory.

"Chaos. I told you. Literal chaos."

Chapter Text

Maya has never been stood up for a date before. Mostly because she's never really dated. Her random hookups usually ended after that one night, so she never gave anyone the chance to stand her up.

She's also made it a point to never stand anyone up. She might only send a half hearted brush off text when canceling plans, but she at least does something. Maya may not be the most morally sound person ever, but everyone has their code and having the decency to let someone know you're breaking off plans is part of hers.

And while Maya is sure that Carina has a perfectly valid excuse for standing her up, like literally bringing a life into the world, it still stings a bit that she didn’t even send a text explaining. Maya has the day off so she dropped by the hospital to take Carina to lunch, but apparently that isn’t happening.

Maya has been waiting in the lobby for twenty minutes. She's sent several texts and called three times. She even had the nurses station page Carina, but nothing worked. Carina obviously isn't able to come to lunch anymore.

Carina has had to cancel on Maya before due to unexpected deliveries. Maya has been bummed, but she understands. Her job is unexpected too and she's had to cancel on Carina swinging by the station for dinner. It sucks, but it's the nature of both of their jobs.

She's never forgotten to send Carina an apology text, though. Maya knows it's perfectly reasonable to get caught up in the moment and forget. At her own job, Maya is a firefighter first and Carina's girlfriend second. The same is true for Carina. But Maya can't help being a little upset that Carina forgot. She'll get over it, she knows. She'll listen to Carina talk about the crash c-section or breeched baby or whatever is going on and her eyes will light up with so much excitement for her job that Maya will forget entirely she was ever annoyed, but until then she's a little sad.

Maya is just pulling out her phone to text Andrew and see if he's available imstead when she hears someone call her name. She whips her head around, knowing it isn't Carina's voice, but not quite recognizing who it is. Maya looks down the hall and sees Arizona Robbins lopping towards her with long, sloppy strides and a huge grin on her face.

She isn't even able to ask Arizona what's going on before Arizona is crashing into her.

"Maya! It's so good you're here," Arizona exclaims, wrapping Maya up in a clumsy hug.

It catches Maya off guard. They've never had any sort of physical contact beyond brushing hands and a couple kisses on the cheek in greeting back when Andrew was trying to set them up. She isn't exactly sure what's happening, but she awkwardly hugs Arizona back with one arm, the other trapped almost uncomfortably between their bodies.

"Arizona, hi," Maya says with a nervous laugh. "What's going on? Why is it good that I'm here?" Maya politely and gently pushes Arizona away from her, but Arizona keeps her hands on Maya's shoulders. Considering she looks a little unsteady, Maya lets her keep her hands in place.

"It's so good you're here," is all Arizona says, a wide, dopey smile on her face.

If Maya didn't know better, she would think Arizona was drunk. But that's crazy.

"Okay…but why?" Maya's getting a little frustrated. She's still confused why she can't track down Carina and whatever is going on with Arizona seems silly. They aren't close enough for Maya to be willing to tolerate it.

"Because I lost someone. Well, actually two someone's," she pauses, scrunching her face up in thought. "Actually, three someone's. Oh wow, I lost three people. I'm bad at this."

For a moment Maya thinks Arizona means she lost 3 patients, but she knows Arizona would never be so calm about it and she also knows Arizona is an incredibly talented surgeon. There's no way she's talking about patients. But then who?

Maya takes a breath to try and reign in her frustration. "Okay, who did you lose?"

Arizona pauses while she thinks for a moment and Maya fights the urge to take her by the shoulders and shake her to get her to focus. Luckily, Arizona's eyes spark with realization before Maya can convince herself it's a good idea.

"Oh!" Arizona exclaims. "I lost Maggie…and Andrew…oh, and Carina too!"

Suddenly, Maya is a hell of a lot more invested in whatever is going on with Arizona. She reaches out to grab one of Arizona's shoulders, causing Arizona to drop her own hand from Maya's shoulder. It falls against her side with a thud that causes Arizona to giggle. What the hell is happening?

"What do you mean you lost them?" Maya implores.

"Well, they were with me and now they aren't." Arizona shrugs like that explains everything and giggles again.

"What the hell is going on, Arizona?" Maya snaps, losing patience. "Why are you acting like you're drunk?" She at least has the decency to whisper that last question. On the off chance Arizona has a drinking problem, she doesn't want to blast that info all over the hospital. There are better ways to handle that. "Wait, are you drunk?" Maya doesn't have enough of a connection to Arizona on her own to think it's her place to ask such a thing, but Andrew does and Maya cares about Andrew so that's enough for Maya to step in if needed.

"No, of course I'm not drunk," Arizona dismisses. She seems offended and the most like herself in this entire interaction. Before Maya can apologize though, she gets that dopey smile again and says, "but I am high. A lot of us are. It was a total accident though…but also sort of my fault…but mostly my patient's fault…but if that fraud doctor didn't diagnose her with fake cancer, then her wife never would've bought her peanut butter cannabis and they never would've accidentally given me those cookies and I wouldn't have given them to half the hospital so really it's his fault. It's always a man's fault. This is why I'm a lesbian." Arizona finishes her rambling with an out of breath sigh.

Maya has so many questions and while she really wants to learn more about this whole fake doctor thing, her main concern is with Carina and Andrew right now. She can deal with the rest later.

By doing her best to put the pieces together, Maya asks, "So your patient accidentally gave you weed cookies and you gave them to other doctors? Carina and Andrew are high?"

Part of Maya has to admit she'd like to see them high. They're amusing when drunk, so she's curious what they're like. But first, her priority is making sure they're safe. Considering they're missing, Maya can't know they're safe until she sees them herself.

Arizona hums and nods her head like she's agreeing to brunch plans and not her unintentionally getting her colleagues stoned at work. "Andrew is so high. He ate a lot of cookies. I think he was petting the plant wall last time I saw him."

Maya bites back a smirk imagining that, reminding herself the priority is making sure they're safe first. She knows exactly where the plant wall Arizona is talking about is located, so she figures that's as good of a starting place as any. "How long ago did you see him and Carina?"

"Uhm…maybe 5 minutes?"

"Okay, well let's go find them, yeah?" Maya asks, pulling on Arizona's elbow to lead her down a floor to the recently renovated nurses station, the one Maya knows has a wall of fake plants.

"Oh yay! An adventure!" Arizona exclaims happily, grinning as they start up the stairs.

Maya just rolls her eyes and keeps pulling Arizona along. Under other circumstances, she'd find the whole situation amusing and she will later, but right now, she's too focused on finding Carina and Andrew to enjoy this. Once they're located, then maybe she will be able to laugh about it.

Maya stops halfway down the flight of stairs so she has a good vantage point to look around the waiting room and nurse's station. Arizona didn't realize she was stopping and kept moving forward, but Maya is still holding her arm, so she stumbles backwards as her momentum is stopped. Luckily, Maya is much more coordinated than Arizona at the moment so she's able to keep them both upright when Arizona falls back against her.

Arizona just giggles and says, "whoops."

Maya bites back a smirk at how silly this is. She's just starting to think stopping turned out to be pointless because she doesn't see Carina or Andrew, when she catches a flash of Maggie walking behind the nurse's station.

"Oh, there's Maggie," Maya tells Arizona and hurries them down the stairs, making sure her grip on Arizona's arm is enough to keep her steady, but not too strong. "Maggie!" Maya says loudly enough to be heard over the hum of twenty different conversations happening around the busy lobby. Several eyes turn towards her at the noise, but most look away just as quickly.

Maggie looks over her shoulder and when she spots Maya and Arizona, her eyes go wide with something like fear and she turns away. She hustles down the hall and out of sight.

"Dammit, come on," Maya says, tugging Arizona along and picking up their pace. She isn't going to run through a hospital, but she also doesn't want to lose Maggie before she finds out if she knows where Carina and Andrew are. "Maggie, stop!" She calls after the receding form of Maggie Pierce.

Maggie sends a concerned glance over her shoulder and keeps moving quickly. Maya figures she must be someone who gets paranoid when stoned. She grumbles at her bad luck, but at least Arizona is happily moving as quickly as she's tugging her along so it could be worse.

"Maggie, please stop. I just need to talk to you," Maya says in as friendly of a voice as she can manage. That isn't entirely true. She also wants to make sure to stow her and Arizona somewhere safely to ride out their high or maybe even bring them wherever she decides to hide out either Carina and Andrew. She'll figure that out later. First she needs to catch up with Maggie.

Maya weaves her way through a particularly crowded hallway, dragging Arizona along behind her, calling after Maggie as calmly as she can despite being more and more frustrated with each step Maggie takes to evade her. Finally after a couple of minutes, Maggie turns towards the elevator right as the doors close and she's left frantically pushing the call button that won't return before Maya corners her.

"Maggie, it's okay. I just need to find Carina and Andrew. Do you know where they are?" Maya asks her, a little out of breath after their chase.

Maggie turns towards her slowly, arms crossed and eyes suspicious. "Maybe I do. Why should I tell you anything?"

Maya is surprised her eyes don't bug out of her head in annoyance. Instead, she takes two deep, calming breaths like Carina has taught her, and then speaks calmly. "Because I want to make sure they're safe. Arizona told me they're high, so I need to find them."

"Narc," Maggie snaps, glaring in Arizona's direction. "If I talk like Arizona, are you going to arrest me too?"

"What are you talking about? I didn't arrest Arizona," Maya says with an exasperated laugh. She lets go of Arizona's arm to prove her point. Arizona starts to drift to the side once Maya isn't keeping her steady though, so she grabs her arm again. "I'm just keeping an eye on her."

"Uh huh, that's what cops always want you to think," Maggie tells her warily. "I'm not falling for it."

"Maggie, I'm not a cop," Maya tells her, confused why she would think that. She's dropped off a number of patients for Maggie in the aid car before. Maggie knows Maya’s a firefighter.

"That's exactly something a cop would say," Maggie insists. "I've seen you in uniform before."

"You've seen me in a firefighter uniform. I'm a firefighter, not a cop," Maya explains as patiently as she can manage.

Maggie looks taken aback and she thinks this over for a moment. "Well…then you're cop adjacent. No, a cop friend. No…you're a cop cousin." Maggie giggles at the alliteration. "Cop cousin!"

Arizona cackles like it's the funniest thing she's ever heard, leaning into Maya's side and shaking with laughter.

How the hell did Maya's day turn into this? She's supposed to be having a nice, quiet lunch with Carina at their favorite little cafe a few blocks away. Instead, she's here. She looks back and forth between them, Arizona in tears from laughing so hard, Maggie trying to stay serious, but laughter bubbling under the surface, a shaking grin fighting to stretch across her lips.

"…I have no idea how to even respond to that," Maya says. She finds herself biting back her own smile and the absurdity of all of this, but she manages to keep it at bay. "Look, I'm not a cop and I'm not going to arrest you. I promise. I just want to make sure you're both safe, and I want to find Carina and Andrew."

Maggie still looks suspicious, but she must not be able to think of another argument because she lets her shoulders drop and finally she relents. "Okay fine, I'll tell you where they are."

Maya sighs with relief. She had no idea how to keep reasoning with her if she said no again. "Thank you, Maggie. Where are they?"

"I don't know," Maggie shrugs carelessly.

Arizona, who had just started to control her laughter, cracks up again.

Maya could scream. Actually scream in frustration right now. She knows her eyes are bugging out of her head and she probably looks insane. Maybe it's her own fault for thinking someone under the influence could be reasonable, maybe she should've seen this coming, but still. This is infuriating. She takes the deepest breath she can manage, knowing it's probably the past one she has in her before she loses it.

"You said you knew where they are," she says through gritted teeth.

"I said maybe I know where they are," Maggie points out. "I know where they were, though."

"Fucking semantics," Maya grumbles to herself. "Okay, well where were they?" Maybe they aren't still there, but it'll give her a lead, something else to do than stand here and argue with Maggie.

"By the vending machines down the hall. Carina was hungry," Maggie says, very matter of factly.

Maya sighs with relief at finally having an answer. "Okay great, let's go check there," Maya says, already moving in that direction.

Maggie looks at her suspiciously again, taking only a hesitant step to follow her. "Will you buy me snacks if I go with you?"

Maya rolls her eyes, but agrees just to keep them moving. "Yes, I will buy you snacks."

Maggie beams and her eyes light up. "Great, let's go!" She marches off ahead of Maya, hustling to the vending machines with only snacks on her mind.

Arizona speaks up as she follows along, as if she has an option considering Maya still has a grip on her arm. "Oh! Will you buy me snacks too?"

Another eye roll is warranted, but Maya still agrees again. "Yes, I'll buy you snacks too."

Arizona manages to do a little happy dance, barely breaking her stride.

Down another hallway, around another corner, then down another hallway and finally Maya is able to let out a huge sigh. Because sure enough, at the end of the hall is Carina, sitting cross legged by the vending machine while she's munching on a bag of chips. There's another crumpled bag of chips sitting beside her. Andrew is standing up, his face pressed flush against the glass of the vending machine, staring straight ahead and not moving, but otherwise seemingly okay.

"See! I told you I knew where they were," Maggie exclaims, incredibly proud of herself.

Maya just shoots her a look like she's crazy and reaches out to take Maggie's hand, which she latches onto Arizona's arm so they can look after one another while Maya walks to the few yards down the hall to Carina and Andrew.

"Hey, are you guys okay? I heard about the cookies," Maya says as she approaches them.

Andrew seems to not even hear her, but Carina lifts her head up from her bag of chips and grins at Maya like she's never been happier.

"Maya! You're here I missed you so much today you're so pretty I love you so much," Carina says in a rush, one word tumbling into the next.

Maya can't help but laugh. "I love you too," she tells her because she's incapable of not saying it back. It feels too good. "What have you been up to today?" Maya asks, already knowing at least half of the answer. She looks down at the bag in Carina's hand and gasps. "Seriously? Pickle chips? You gave me so much shit for liking these."

So rarely does Maya indulge in junk food, but when she does, pickle flavored potato chips are her go-to cheat food. She always keeps a bag tucked away in the back of her pantry for whenever she gets a craving. Carina found them once and was disgusted. Maya tried to convince her that despite them sounding so weird, they were actually really good and she urged her to just try one, but Carina refused.

Carina takes several chips out of the bag and stuffs them all into her mouth at once. "These are the best chips I've ever had," Carina mumbles, crumbs falling from her mouth as she speaks. Sober Carina will be horrified to find out she's talking with her mouth open. "Have you ever had them? You should try some."

"Yes I've had them, they're my favorite. I tried to get you to try some and you refused," Maya reminds her with a laugh.

Carina scrunches her eyebrows and looks up as far as she can like she's trying to look into her brain to find the memory. "No, I don't think that happened. I would remember," she tells Maya.

Maya just shakes her head, knowing it's useless to argue with her right now. She leans in to kiss Carina's cheek and then stands up to face Andrew. "Hey, buddy. How are you feeling?" She reaches out to gently nudge his shoulder, but he doesn't take his eyes off the vending machine. He gives her a quiet grunt and Maya figures that's all the answer she'll get for a while if he ate as many cookies as Arizona claims.

"Psst, Maya," Maggie says in a poor attempt at a whisper. "Don't forget you said you'd buy us snacks."

"Oh yeah!" Arizona lights up, not even attempting to be quiet. "I want snacks too! You promised you'd buy them." Her eyebrows narrow in a way Maya assumes is meant to be intimidating, but she just looks like a disgruntled bunny rabbit with her nose scrunched up.

"I know, I know. What do you want?" Arizona asks.

"I want more pickle chips!" Carina exclaims. She tries to stand up, but only makes it about halfway before stumbling forward. Luckily, Maya is quick enough to reach out and steady her. "You saved me! My hero." Carina says cheerfully, surging forward to kiss Maya right on the mouth.

Maya only entertains her for a second before she's pulling away. They've implemented a strict no PDA at work rule, even if Carina is too high to remember that right now.

"You're so pretty," Carina mumbles, leaning forward again.

Maya grins at how into her Carina is right now, but she holds her at a distance so she can't kiss her again. Carina's face screws up like Arizona's a moment ago, but Carina manages to look even less intimidating. Dammit, she's so adorable.

"You're pretty even when you're rejecting me, that's not fair," she grumbles.

Maya rolls her eyes playfully. "How about I buy you more pickle chips to make up for it?"

Carina's face lights up immediately. "Yes please!" She beams.

"I don't want pickle chips, those are gross," Maggie complains, earning a scowl from Carina that she ignores. "I want cheese! Is there a cheese vending machine?" She starts to walk down the hall in search or something that doesn't even exist, but Maya is able to grab her hand just in time and keep her in place.

"I'm sure they have something that's cheese adjacent," Maya says to placate her. "Pick out your snacks before we go find a room to hide out in until you all sober up."

The three women bounce on their toes in excitement. Carina even does a little happy dance that's mostly just shaking her hips. Maya is so desperately in love with her, even when she's a stoned mess.

$57.25 later, everyone is laden down with snacks and they're off in search of a room they can occupy for the foreseeable future. Maya has given up on her plan of stashing Arizona and Maggie somewhere to fend for themselves. They need supervision and Maya doesn't want it on her conscience if they manage to get into trouble if Maya leaves them alone.

They find themselves down a quiet hall filled with skills and research labs. Maya corrals everyone into an empty room with a large table with a digital screen on top. There's an image of a human with their muscular system on display that honestly skeeves Maya out a bit. Luckily, Maggie is entranced by the screen immediately and with just a couple taps, the person is covered in skin again and Maggie giggles at the change.

Maya closes the door behind them, flipping around a sign on the little glass window that says, "Testing in Progress. Do Not Disturb." Hopefully that way no one will come in. None of these doctors are fit for visitors right now.

Maggie is still entranced by the table, so Maya leaves her there to occupy herself. Andrew has curled up in the fetal position on the floor, smiling at whatever his brain is imagining in front of him. Maya leans down to brush his hair out of his eyes, but he doesn't even acknowledge the touch. Carina and Arizona are sitting in two of the school desks, side by side. Their snacks are spread out on each of their desktops like grand prizes. They're already negotiating trades between themselves.

"I'll trade you a peanut butter cracker for a chocolate chip cookie," Arizona tells Carina, ripping into the pack of peanut butter crackers and shoving one into her mouth, crumbs falling from her lips.

"Fine, but you can't have any of my pickle chips," Carina replies.

"Fine, I don't want any. They're gross."

Carina's eyes flare with a rage Maya has only seen when they're getting coffee and overhear the person in front of them order an 'expresso'. "I wasn't going to offer them as a trade anyway." Carina begrudgingly hands over the cookie and Arizona takes it happily, completely oblivious to Carina's anger.

"Where did the liver go?" Maggie mutters from across the room. "The liver is missing! I lost it!"

Arizona whips her head around, concern etched on her face. "Did you check the abdomen?"

"Oh! Good idea, let me look." Maggie studies the screen again, but then shakes her head. "It's not here!"

"Oh no, this is bad." Arizona jumps up from her desk and hurries over to Maggie, hunching over the table with her.

Maya shakes her head, watching as they frantically tap the screen, searching for the pixelated liver. Then, she walks over to the desk in front of Carina and turns around so she's facing her. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?"

"I have pickle chips and you're here, I'm great," Carina hums, crunching on another chip. She shimmies happily in her seat.

"Can I have some?"

Carina narrows her eyes like she's about to say no, but then she shrugs and says, "okay, fine." She shakes out a few chips on the desk between them and pushes them towards Maya. She grins when Maya picks one up and crunches it. "You're really pretty," she muses.

Maya grins. "Thank you, so are you."

Carina reaches out and runs her fingertips along Maya's arm where it rests on the desk. "We should have sex," she says, voice low and husky like always when she's trying to seduce Maya.

Maya bites back a laugh, not wanting to seem like she's making fun of her. "Andrew is right there," she points out. "And so are two of your coworkers."

Carina looks over at the rest of the group, her eyebrows scrunching together in confusion. "…oh right. Gross, Maya. Why would you suggest we have sex when my brother is in the room?"

"I didn't! You did!"

"Why would I suggest we have sex when Andrea is right there? He's my brother, that's gross. I would never have that idea." Carina crosses her arms, standing her ground.

Maya just laughs, knowing this argument she won't win. "You're right," she sighs. "I can't believe I would suggest such a thing."

"It's okay." Carina reaches out and pats Maya's hand for a moment before her fingers turn light and delicate, stroking Maya's arm again. "You're really pretty."

Maya can't bite back the laugh this time. "You're ridiculous," she says, knowing it's best not to engage.

Maya spends the next fifteen minutes consoling Arizona and Maggie once they decide they're unable to save their digital patient, declaring the cause of death, "acute liver disappearance." Carina spends the time singing an upbeat song in Italian that, based on the few words Maya is able to understand due to Carina's slurred words, is incredibly vulgar. The words are a humorous contrast considering the fact she's sitting cross legged on the floor, twisting tiny braids into Andrew's hair and lilting her voice like she's singing a nursery rhyme to a child.

She's finally managed to calm down Arizona and Maggie, convincing them it isn't their fault their fake patient died, when the door swings open and Meredith Grey is standing in the doorway.

"Oh thank god. I was about to blow up at Glasses for losing you all," Meredtih sighs in relief. "Bishop? Please tell me you aren't high too."

"Thankfully no or else we'd probably still be at the vending machine putting my debit card into overdraft," Maya laughs.

Meredith quirks an eyebrow before looking around the room and taking in all the crumbled snack wrappers, nodding once she understands. "In that case, do you want to take the DeLucas home and I'll handle these two?" She points to Maggie and Arizona with a bandaged hand.

"Sure, but what the hell happened to you?" Maya asks with concern even though Meredith is a literal doctor and if she doesn't seem concerned about her hand, it's probably not worth Maya getting worried.

"Bailey closed a door on it," Meredith rolls her eyes.

"Is she high too?" Maya asks, biting back a grin at the thought. At least Maya won't be the only one at the station getting teased when this story inevitably makes it back to 19. Ben will take the heckling with her in stride.

"Who isn't high?"

"Sounds like you're having a hell of a day. Are you sure you don't want me to stay and help?"

"No, it's fine. Honestly, the more stoned doctors we get out of this hospital unscathed, the better." She walks over to the couch and puts a hand on Maggie's shoulder. “Let's go back to the auditorium.”

“Mer, I lost it,” Maggie laments.

“Lost what?”

In response, Maggie bursts into tears again and Arizona follows suit. Meredith looks to Maya for an explanation, eyebrows screwed up in confusion.

“A liver,” Maya says, nodding towards the display table.

Meredith rolls her eyes once she realizes what's going on. “It's okay, he was terminal anyway. There's nothing you could have done,” Meredith says to try and calm Maggie.

Maggie looks up at her sister with teary eyes. “Really?”

“Really,” Meredith nods. “Now let's get back to the auditorium and you can tell me all about it.”

Maggie wipes her eyes and stands from the couch. “Okay, but it's really sad. So be prepared to cry.”

“I think you're crying enough for the both of us,” Meredith mumbles. She reaches for Arizona's arm and pulls her up from the couch. Arizona is too busy droning on about how she and her ex-wife would never work together but yet she still can't stop texting her to even put up a fight. She follows along beside Meredith towards the door. “Are you able to handle those two on your own?” Meredith asks Maya, nodding at Carina and Andrew.

“Yeah, don't worry about it. You have enough to handle, clearly.”

Meredith scoffs out a laugh. “This day,” she mutters, rolling her eyes again and tugging Maggie and Arizona out of the room with her.

“Finally she's gone,” Carina says the moment the door closes, suddenly at Maya's side. “Now we're alone,” she murmurs, kissing Maya's neck.

Maya grins and rolls her eyes. “Not quite.” She nods her head to the floor.

Carina turns and pouts when she sees Andrew sprawled out of his back, staring at the ceiling like it's a sky full of stars. “He always ruins everything,” she huffs like she's twelve years old again and he just crashed her birthday sleepover. Which she always loves to remind him he actually did.

“How about we get back home?” Maya suggests.

“But I have a C-section scheduled this afternoon. And two other moms who should deliver any minute. I can't leave.”

“You aren't in any shape to deliver a baby right now, especially one you have to remove using a scalpel. There are other doctors handling that, I promise.”

Carina pouts, but relents. “Fine. Can we get more pickle chips before we go home?”

“Anything for you, my love,” Maya says in a mildly sarcastic tone. Luckily, Carina doesn't pick up on at all given the way she bounces up and down on her toes and lunges forward for a kiss.

“Thank you!” She skips across the room to Andrew and nudges his foot with hers. “Andrea! Andiamo!

Andrew sits up, rising in one slow but fluid motion like a vampire rising in a coffin in those old horror movies Mason always made her watch when they were kids. He turns his head slowly and looks from Carina to Maya. “I think I might be a little high,” he mumbles.

“Oh really? What gives you that idea?” Maya laughs, walking over and offering him a hand to help him to his feet. She puts her arm around his waist and holds a hand out for Carina. “Come on, let's go home.”

Later that evening, Carina and Andrew are sprawled out on opposite ends of the couch, their legs tangled together in the middle. They were originally sharing a blanket, but now it's tucked up under Carina's chin and barely reaches Andrew's shins. He's been passed out for an hour though, so he clearly doesn't mind.

The coffee table is littered with empty takeout containers from their favorite Thai and Indian places because they couldn't decide which food they wanted more. There's even a pizza box buried underneath them all from the only Italian restaurant Carina has deemed acceptable in a 20 mile radius.

That delivery was a surprise. Carina had stolen her phone from Maya and ordered it online while Maya was busy coaxing Andrew into downing a glass of water. Maya snatched the phone back so Carina wouldn't send any inappropriate or unprofessional messages before she sobered back up. Apparently she has very strong opinions about some new policy Catherine Avery implemented in the hospital and Maya doesn't trust her not to send a strongly worded email about it right now.

Maya sits in the chair next to the couch, exchanging texts with Ben about Miranda and the DeLucas. Apparently Miranda becomes as paranoid as Carina becomes hungry while high and he's spent most of the evening convincing her that yes, Harper Avery is really dead and no, he can't fire her anymore.

She's just hitting send on a text to Meredith updating her that both Andrew and Carina will be fine after they sleep it off when Carina mumbles her name from the couch.

Maya figures she's just talking in her sleep, but she looks over and sees Carina's brown eyes shining with the reflection from the TV.

“You're awake,” Maya says softly. She gets up and goes to kneel by the couch, pushing hair out of Carina's face. She knows Carina will be complaining about how tangled it is in the morning.

“I'm hungry,” Carina says.

Maya laughs lightly and leans in to kiss her forehead. “You're going to be shocked tomorrow when you learn how much you ate today. I promise you'll be okay if you don't eat anything until breakfast.”

“You're trying to starve me,” Carina grumbles, but she doesn't fight her anymore. “You're so pretty,” she hums with a lopsided smile.

“So are you. Even when you're a mess.”

“Thank you for taking care of me today,” Carina tells her. “Thank you more for taking care of Andrea. I love him so much and he's so sad right now. I don't know how to help him.”

It's a rare sober moment and Maya knows it'll pass soon based on the way Carina's eyelids are already starting to droop.

Maya rubs her thumb in slow circles across Carina's cheek. “I think all we can do is love him right now. It's just going to take time.”

“I don't ever want to leave you. If anything ever goes wrong with my visa--”

“Hey, stop that,” Maya cuts in. “We can't worry about something like that until there's a reason to.”

She knows it isn't as simple as that. It's a big conversation they definitely need to have, but Maya isn't ready. And Carina definitely isn't ready in her current state. They'll find time to talk about it. Soon. For now, she can't let it hang over them.

Carina closes her eyes and sighs. When she opens them again, they're dopey and a little distant. “You're pretty and smart.”

“Not as smart as you, honey.” She leans in and kisses Carina softly one, twice. “Do you want to go upstairs and sleep?”

Carina looks down at Andrew snoring softly on the other end of the couch. She pats his foot, which is now resting on her stomach. “No, I'll stay here with Andrea. Someone needs to look out for him. I think I'm the best one for the job.”

“You always are,” Maya smiles. “I'm going to go to bed. Come get me if you need anything, okay?”

“Anything?” Carina asks, one of her eyebrows kinked.

“Anything that isn't sexual,” Maya clarifies with a laugh. At Carina's pout, she continues. “Once you're sober you can have your way with me.”

“Hmm, I'm going to hold you to that.”

“You better.”

Maya grabs another blanket and spreads it across Andrew's sleeping form. Then she fills up two water glasses and puts them on each end of the coffee table so they're just out of arm's reach for Carina and Andrew. Then she leans down and kisses Carina's forehead.

“I love you, my little stoner,” Maya teases.

“I love you too,” Carina mutters.

“Love you too,” Andrew adds, barely forming the words but at least getting three syllables out.

Maya just shakes her head and turns off the light.

Chapter Text

“You didn't have to sleep on the couch.”

Maya startles awake when she hears the words. She was never the heaviest sleeper growing up, but her years of firefighting have her brain trained to wake up at the slightest noise so she never misses a call.

She sits up and sees Carina standing in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, arms crossed. She usually looks sympathetic when she wakes Maya up so suddenly. But not this morning.

“You told me you didn't want me in our bed last night,” Maya says with an edge, though slightly less blunt than last night.

Carina lets out an exasperated sigh and Maya can see her fight the urge to roll her eyes. “Yes, but I thought you would sleep in the guest room.”

“Well, the bed was never remade after Gabriella visited,” Maya says, leaving the obvious unsaid and knowing Carina will understand.

Carina was supposed to remake the bed after Gabriella left two weeks ago. Carina's friend, Gabriella. Carina's ex-girlfriend or ex-fuck buddy or whatever, Gabriella. The woman who was perfectly nice and made an effort to get to know Maya, but also let her hands linger on Carina's waist and wasn't shy about bringing up the fact she had seen Carina naked any time the opportunity even slightly presented itself.

It was harmless, Maya knows. But that doesn't mean Maya wasn't still jealous. Carina more than made sure Maya knew she had nothing to worry about with her words and hands and tongue, so Maya really didn't care about their history anymore at this point.

But Carina also promised she would remake the bed after Gabriella left and she didn't. Considering Maya is the one mostly in the wrong after their fight last night, she's being petty enough to make sure Carina knows she isn't totally innocent either.

Carina's eyes narrow, but she doesn't take the bait. She turns and heads to the kitchen to make a coffee. She always makes one for Maya too and Maya wonders if she still will considering how angry she is.

“How did you sleep?” Carina asks without turning around.

“I didn't really,” Maya admits. “You?”

The crinkle of the bag of coffee beans stutters for just a second. “I didn't,” Carina bites out before continuing her coffee routine.

Maya says nothing.

Fights aren't an uncommon occurrence for them. Well, maybe not fights but bickering at least. Carina is passionate and Maya is stubborn. It's easy for a simple misunderstanding to escalate a bit, but it's always short lived and easily resolved. They usually end up laughing about how ridiculous they were behaving within a few hours.

But last night was different.

Ever since Chief Ripley mentioned to Maya that she would make a good lieutenant, she hasn't been able to get it out of her head. She'd be lying if she said she never thought about it before, but there was always time for that later. She enjoyed her job and she's good at it. She wasn't in a rush for more, no matter how capable of it she knows herself to be.

But then Ripley made her realize other people see her potential too. It isn't just something she wants for herself anymore. It's something others expect of her. And that triggered the competitive drive in her that fueled her to winning a gold medal on a sprained ankle. A drive that makes her selfish and disloyal, at least according to Carina.

Deep down, Maya can admit there's probably some truth to it, but it still hurt to hear Carina call her selfish. And when Maya gets hurt, she lashes out. She digs her heels in and makes it worse for herself.

So they fought. A lot.

Maya called her dramatic and ridiculous, which she knows always pisses Carina off which is exactly why she said it. Carina called her obsessive which is what the other girls on the track team used to call her behind her back. It isn't even that harsh of a word, but it dug at old wounds of her feeling isolated as a teenager and it set her off.

They yelled. Neither of them was willing to compromise. Carina made a snide comment about not wanting to sleep next to someone she didn't recognize. Maya knew she was exaggerating but decided to take it literally so she walked out of their room.

Carina slammed their door.

Maya stomped down the stairs.

They both went to bed angry and apparently neither slept.

After about 20 minutes of lying on the couch, Maya had wanted to go upstairs and make up, but she didn't want to have to apologize. She didn't think being ambitious was a bad thing. It's what's made her so successful. Her drive is something Carina has always said she found so attractive. But suddenly now it's an issue.

“We need to talk about last night,” Carina tells her, reaching up to take a coffee cup from the shelf. She starts to close the cabinet but then hesitates and takes down a second cup.

The gesture of her still making Maya a cup of coffee after everything that happens should soften Maya. And it does, but not enough to stop her stupid mouth from asking, “what, so you can call me a self obsessed, power hungry maniac again?”

“That is not what I said!” Carina smacks the counter with her palm to emphasize her point. “Do not put words in my mouth, Maya.”

“It's not like I'm that far off from what you actually said.”

Maya feels bile rising in the back of her throat. She knows she's being ridiculous. She knows she's making this worse. She knows she needs to shut the fuck up or apologize before she says something she can't take back.

But she can't stop herself. Old habits die hard and right now there's a voice in her head screaming at her that anyone who doesn't support her is a roadblock and she doesn't need them in her life. It's a voice she's recognizing more and more lately as the devil that's been on her shoulder all her life. It's her dad's voice and it gets too much power when her competitive side comes out because they've always corresponded in her head. Her drive and her dad's pushing are the same thing. She doesn't know how to cut that tie.

She should stop. She should stop.

But she can't.

“Maya, I can't have this fight again,” Carina says, sounding as exhausted as Maya feels.

“You're the one who said we needed to talk.” Maya rises from the couch and walks towards the kitchen. If they're going to have this fight, they need to be on level ground.

“Exactly! Talk!” Carina sighs and steps away from the counter, out of range of the coffee mugs so she isn't tempted to break one. She hasn't let Maya see that side of her and says she's outgrown it, but she's told Maya the stories of dramatic fights in her wilder days.

“I don't have anything else to say,” Maya snaps.

Carina looks at her and tears well in her eyes. It almost breaks Maya. Almost. Maya has never claimed she isn't stubborn.

“If that's true, then I don't know what–”

She's cut off by a loud knocking at the front door. They both look towards it and then back at each other in confusion. Another loud series of knocks echoes through the house.

“Who could possibly be here this early?” Maya mutters, grateful for the distraction from whatever Carina was about to say.

She opens the door and sees a tall man with close cropped graying hair standing in the doorway. He's wearing a tailored suit that's only slightly wrinkled and has a large suitcase next to him on the ground.

Before she can ask him who he is, he beats her to it.

“You are not my daughter,” he says in a heavily accented voice that Maya immediately recognizes as Italian.

If he's Italian and looking for his daughter then that means…

“Papà? Cosa ci fai qui?” Carina hurries from the kitchen and stands by Maya's side in the doorway. Her pinkie finger loops around one of Maya's just for a second before she drops it.

Maya isn't fluent in Italian, but she knows enough to know Carina's dad says something about not being happy with the greeting, then he's stepping into the house and wrapping Carina up in a hug. While she hugs him back, Maya reaches for his suitcase and pulls it inside so she can close the door.

“La mia bellissima figlia,” he sighs as he pulls away and holds Carina's face in his hands.

“Why are you here, papà?” Carina asks again.

“Always the english,” he says in a poorly exaggerated American accent, a bellowing laugh filling the room. “My children never come to see me, so I must fly around the world to them.”

Maya notices how distressed Carina looks and she wants more than anything to wake back up and start this day over. She was too hard on Carina. She knows it. Carina's complaints are coming from a place of love and concern. Maya just didn't want to hear it. She still doesn't, but maybe she will soon.

Their complicated relationships with their fathers has always been something they've unfortunately had in common. Their fathers are difficult in their own ways, but it's always something they've understood deeply about each other. She can't imagine all the thoughts running through Carina's head about a surprise visit from her dad. Maya would need at least 24 hours to prepare herself to see her own dad and he just lives across town.

“Papà, I've been busy,” Carina tells him gently. She takes a step back so his hands drop from her face. Her fingers scramble behind her until Maya reaches out and takes her hand. Her shoulders visibly drop. “There is someone I want you to meet, Papà. This is Maya.” She turns to Maya with a mostly grateful smile, but it's tinged with sadness. Their fight is still fresh in her mind.

“Maya? Who is Maya? Tua amica?” Her dad asks.

Carina groans and Maya's throat feels tight. Maya knows Carina has told her dad about her. She's heard Carina's side of their phone conversations. He usually brushes past it, but she knows he's been told.

“Maya is my girlfriend. La mia ragazza. You know this, Papà. I have told you,” Carina explains, hand squeezing Maya's tighter to show her exasperation.

“Ah, you were serious?”

Maya knows Carina's eyes are blazing without even seeing them.

“Of course I was serious. Why would I not be serious?” Carina asks, voice strained as she barely contains her anger.

He bobs his head back and forth for a moment. “If you want that I be honest, I thought you were telling a joke.”

Carina takes another step back like she's been slapped. Maya has half a mind to step between them, feeling the need to protect Carina from the carelessness of her father's words.

“Why would I be joking?” Carina asks, her voice high and tight.

“You never date a person so long. You have free heart, like me. You were so rude to me when I said it is not serious. I thought you are mad and you lie,” her father explains, shrugging his shoulders like he's making complete sense and not being at all offensive.

Carina's shoulders tense again and Maya knows she's about to lose it. Maya steps in before she can say anything.

“She definitely isn't lying. I'm Maya Bishop, sir. Carina's girlfriend. It's nice to meet you Mr. DeLuca.” Maya hold her hand out to shake his, leveling him with solid eye contact so he knows she isn't intimidated.

He breaks out into a wide smile. “So serious! Per favore, call me Vincenzo!” He grabs Maya's shoulders and kisses both of her cheeks. “My Carina has a girlfriend! How wonderful. She has finally grown up.”

There's a brief pause where Maya knows both she and Carina are considering saying something in defense of that statement, but Carina decides to move past it a second before Maya was about to say something that would definitely make it worse.

“Does Andrea know you're here?” Carina asks.

“It is not a surprise if I would told him,” Vincenzo says. “Where is my son?”

“He's at the hospital, I'm sure,” Carina sighs. He's been spending more time at the hospital again and of course it has her worried.

“That is my son! Always working so hard,” Vincenzo beams. “You could learn this from him. You could be a surgeon if you would committed yourself.” He wags a finger at Carina like she's a child and not a grown ass woman.

Maya wants to scream.

Carina must sense how Maya wants to react because she tugs on her hand. “Papà, I love my job. You know I love my job,” she says with a carefully clipped tone that comes from years of practice trying to keep her cool. “And I need to get to work. Have an espresso, I will get ready, and then we will go to the hospital to find Andrea.”

“Perfetto,” Vincenzo smiles, oblivious to the barely restrained rage both women are feeling as he heads towards the kitchen.

Carina pulls Maya's hand and hurries them up the stairs. Once they're safely inside their room, she closes the door and falls back against it with a huff, dropping Maya's hand so she can cover her face. She's muttering in Italian and Maya can only make out swear words.

Maya hates seeing Carina like this. She's been through so much with her father, too much. And she's worked so hard to put up the boundaries she needs to love him but also protect herself. Seeing her so easily undone by his surprise visit breaks Maya's heart. She wants to hold her, tell her everything will be okay and they'll get through this together. After last night, she isn't sure she can.

So she makes a decision.

“Pause,” Maya says.

Carina drops her hands from her face and looks at Maya. Her eyes are glassy from unshed, frustrated tears. “What?” Carina asks, clearly still upset with her and frustrated that her father has the world's worst timing.

“Let's pause,” Maya says, taking a step closer to Carina. “You're right, okay? I know we still need to talk about last night, and we will. But right now, supporting you through this is more important. So for right now, let's just put last night aside.” Maya reaches out and puts her hands gently on Carina's hips. “What can I do to help you right now?”

Carina sighs, like she isn't sure it's so easy to just ignore their fight. But she also doesn't push Maya away. She brings up one hand to hold one of Maya's wrists, rubbing circles over the thin skin with her thumb.

“I'm serious, anything you need,” Maya tells her. “Want me to take your dad on a tour of Seattle so you can figure out with Andrew what to do? Done. Want me to go tell your dad off? I will. Want me to drive you far, far away from here until he goes back home? You've got it. Whatever you need, just tell me.”

Carina leans in to rest her forehead against Maya's, taking a deep breath. Maya lets her think. She doesn't push for a response and lets the silence hang between them until Carina is ready.

“You should go to work,” Carina finally says, leaning her head back against the door and looking at Maya.

Maya's stomach sinks. She doesn't want Maya's help. Or she doesn't trust her to actually pause their fight and be there for her the way she needs. It makes Maya's stomach turn, but she can't blame her.

Carina must read Maya's expression because she leans in again and kisses her softly. “Thank you,” she whispers before giving Maya another quick kiss. “Thank you for pausing and being here. I don't know what I need yet. I'll take him to the hospital to find Andrea and figure out what's going on. You should go to work until I know what I need. Don't let me keep you from that. He's my dad. He's my responsibility. I'll handle it.”

Maya nods, knowing that's completely logical. The Maya of yesterday would have just accepted it and moved on. The Maya of today saw the way Carina's entire frame shrank down the moment her father walked through the door. She got a glimpse of the scared little girl Carina used to be, wondering if her dad would actually come home from work that day and what kind of mood he'd be in if he did.

It's a feeling she recognizes all too well.

So she backs away from Carina and crosses the room to pick up her phone from the nightstand where she plugged it in to charge last night when she still thought she'd be sleeping in the room. She doesn't let herself second guess her actions as she pulls up her contacts and presses the call icon. Maybe this isn't what she should do, but it's what she's going to do.

“Who are you calling?” Carina asks, looking confused.

As soon as the call connects, Maya fakes a cough. “Good morning, Captain Sullivan,” she says in a rough voice. She would laugh at the way Carina's eyes go wide in surprise if she weren't so committed to selling the act.

“Bishop, is everything okay?” Sullivan asks.

“I'm going to have to take a sick day,” she says for the first time ever in her life. That voice in the back of her head, the one she's realized recently is her dad's voice, is screaming at her to shut up. It's telling her to keep her eyes forward and not do anything to risk her chances at becoming captain. She wants to agree with that voice. Years of practice and training and old habits are making her want desperately to agree with that voice. But she doesn't. She keeps going. “I woke up feeling pretty terrible and I don't want to spread it around.”

Carina is still staring at her with wide eyes, frozen in place where Maya left her leaning against the door. Maya knows she can't believe the words she's hearing. Hell, Maya can barely believe them either.

“That's probably for the best,” Sullivan tells her and Maya doesn't think she's imagining the surprise in his voice as well. “You might have what took out half of B shift last week. Rest up and feel better. I'll call in someone to cover for you.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Maya says, ending the call and setting the phone back on her nightstand. She doesn't miss the way her hand shakes a little.

“You shouldn't have done that,” Carina says, still unsure.

Maya just shrugs even though every other cell in her brain is screaming at her to pick the phone up and take it back. This isn't what we do. But she did do it. It's done and she knows it's what she needed to do. She isn't taking it back.

“I wanted to,” she tells Carina.

“You want to be captain. Will this look bad?” Carina asks, nervously biting her lip.

Maya can't let herself think about that. The rational part of her brain knows one sick day in her entire career isn't actually going to matter at all, despite what that voice in her head is saying. So she just ignores all of it, the voice, the guilt, the natural instinct to be disappointed in herself over every single little failure no matter what.

She ignores everything and just focuses on Carina.

“It doesn't matter,” she says, meaning it. “This is more important.”

“We won't even be home today. We'll be at the hospital. You should just go to work, Maya.” It almost sounds like a challenge. Like she doesn't quite believe Maya after their fight last night and the past few months leading up to it.

Maya doesn't blame her. So she does her best to reassure her.

“I'll be here,” Maya tells her. “This is where I need to be. I'll wait by the phone in case you need a word of reassurance or you decide to take me up on that offer to escape and need a getaway car. Or if the day goes better than you expect, I'll be here to greet you when you get home and ask all about it.”

Carina's bottom lip wavers as she rushes across the room and wraps her arms around Maya. She kisses Maya's neck, her jaw, her cheek, before kissing her lips. Maya melts into it.

Sleeping apart from Carina last night was awful. They're apart every other night when Maya works so sleeping alone isn't an entirely foreign concept. But sleeping alone in the same house, knowing Carina is just a few steps away, was something Maya hated more than she knew she could. It just felt wrong. She still feels stubborn and doesn't want to totally give in after their fight, but getting this reminder that they'll be okay in the end strikes her in the center of her being. She's never expected anyone to stay before. She's never thought anyone could love her for all her faults and still stick around.

But Carina does. She accepts every piece of Maya, even the ones she disagrees with. She'll call Maya out on her bullshit, but that bullshit isn't going to chase her away.

Maya knows she isn't perfect and she knows she's too competitive to the point she lets it blind her. She knows Carina wasn't entirely in the wrong last night and she'll tell her that once they're through whatever comes up with Carina's dad. But most importantly, she knows Carina is going to stay.

“I love you,” Carina mutters against her lips.

Maya grins and kisses her again. “I love you too.”

“I'm also still mad at you,” Carina reminds her.

“And I'm still mad at you,” Maya says, almost a teasing tone even though they're both serious. “We can be mad at each other later. Right now, let's get through this.”

Carina groans and steps away from Maya, pacing in front of their bed. “I can't believe he's actually here. He barely ever leaves Italy anymore. Mostly because no other hospital will have him with his reputation, but still.”

“Maybe he really does just want to see you and Andrew,” Maya offers, not surprised when Carina stops and levels Maya with a sad expression.

“I wish so much that you are right.” She closes her eyes for a moment, getting lost in the daydream of what it would be like to have a father that really did show up for surprise visits just because he missed his kids. But she shakes it away with a jerk of her head and looks at Maya again. “But I know him. He's here because he wants something. I just need to find out what.”

“You get ready for work. I'll go keep him company until you're ready to leave,” Maya suggests. “I can try to gather some intel.” She wouldn't mind a minute alone with him, though she can't promise there wouldn't be a few not so thinly veiled threats involved.

“Oh absolutely not,” Carina laughs. “You are not going to be alone with him.”

“I'll be on my best behavior!”

“Not happening,” Carina says with a smirk. “I know him and I know you. He will say something to trigger you in less than two minutes and then he will overreact. If you think I'm dramatic, then where do you think I got it from? Trust me, this is for the best.”

Maya laughs, but she knows Carina is probably right. “Okay, fine,” she says with a playful eye roll.

“Keep me company while I get ready for work,” Carina says, leaning in for a quick kiss.

So that's what Maya does. She sits on the edge of the bathtub and listens while Carina talks about a patient from yesterday while she does her makeup. She ties the strings on the back of Carina's shirt when she asks, then jokingly starts to untie them again as she kisses Carina's bare shoulder. She helps Carina decide which shoes to wear today and then makes a joke about wearing the same heels next time she's called to a fire.

It feels normal. It feels like them. Things have been strained lately and last night was the tipping point. Maya breathes a sigh of relief and she accepts that even though they aren't through it all yet, they will get there. They'll be okay.

When it's time for Carina and Vincenzo to head to the hospital, Carina kisses her cheek and Vincenzo claps her on the shoulder.

“Very nice to meet you, Mana. We must get to know each other soon,” he tells her.

“Her name is Maya, Papà,” Carina huffs.

“Ah, giusto,” Vincenzo says with a wave of his hand as if he doesn't actually care. “Andiamo!” He says as he opens the front door and hurries down the front walk.

“Maybe keep the engine running on that getaway car,” Carina says, sounding completely serious.

“Station 19 has the fastest response time in the city. I've been training years for this moment,” Maya brags, puffing out her chest.

“Stupida,” Carina chuckles, rolling her eyes and leaning in for a kiss. “Thank you for making me smile this morning.”

“Happy to,” Maya assures her. “Have a good day, I love you.”

“I love you too, Bella.”

It takes less than 2 hours for Carina to call.

The first thing she says is, “I'll explain in a minute, but I need to freak out first,” and then she goes on a 5 minute rant in Italian.

Maya just sits and listens, humming when appropriate but mostly staying silent. She’s actually proud to realize she understands about 50% of it. Something about her dad having a meeting with Dr. Bailey for some kind of research project. She thinks she hears Carina say the words, “baby in a bag,” but she knows that can't be right.

She lets Carina talk as long as she needs to until she lets out a little scream of frustration and then stops, breathing heavily into the phone.

“So what is this research project of your dad's?” Maya asks.

“You understood that? You're learning,” Carina says and Maya can almost hear the faint smile on her lips. Then Carina sighs and remembers what's going on. “He has been doing animal trials with sheep fetuses where he puts them in a bag with a synthetic amniotic solution so they can continue to develop outside of the mother's womb. He wants support for human trials.”

Turns out “baby in a bag” might have been exactly what Maya heard.

“That sounds…” Maya trails off, and little at a loss for words. She can't fully keep up when Carina talks medical jargon to her, but she can usually get the gist. For this, she doesn't even know where to begin.

“Like science fiction?” Carina offers with an exasperated huff. “Yeah, that's exactly what I said.”

“I'm sure he didn't like that.”

“Nope,” Carina says, letting the “p” pop. “Neither did Andrea.” She sounds more upset about that than her father.

“He believes in the research?” Maya asks. She knows Andrew can be a bit of a dreamer and he's certainly been a bit more erratic lately, much to Carina's concern. But this sounds like too much, even given recent behaviors.

“I don't know if he actually believe or if he just wants Papà's approval.” Carina sighs and her next inhale is shaky. “He's trying to guilt me into helping them. He says it can be a family project, put the DeLuca name on the map. My job is literally all about babies, so of course he thinks I have to be on board.”

“Andrew or your dad?”

“Both, really. Andrea just goes along with whatever Papà says. He's always been that way.” Her voice starts to crack at the end.

Maya wants nothing more than to be able to wrap her arms around Carina and hold her tightly. She wants to protect her from any harm the world could ever throw at her, especially when it's from the ones who are supposed to love her the most.

“Is Bailey actually going to let them do their research at Grey-Sloan?” Maya asks after letting Carina breathe for a few moments.

“On a trial basis,” Carina says unhappily. “I wish she wouldn't, but I don't blame her really. If this is successful, it will completely change fetal medicine.”

“Then maybe you should help them,” Carina suggests.

“What?” Carina's tone tells Maya she's questioning her sanity a bit.

“I see two possible scenarios if you help. One, it goes terribly and you're there to stop it immediately before it goes too far. Or two, it goes well and you get to spend time with your dad and brother doing something really groundbreaking. So why not do it?” Maya tries to reason.

Carina is silent for nearly a full minute. Maya stays quiet too and lets Carina think through everything she needs. She listens to the steady breaths in and out of the woman she loves and it calms something inside of her she didn't even realize was tense.

“You have a good point,” Carina says eventually. “But I know the first option is the most likely outcome.”

“Then you should be there to step in when it goes south. From what you've told me, you dad doesn't listen to what anyone has to say. Maybe he won't listen to you if it's time to stop, but Bailey will. “

Carina hums in acknowledgement and then goes quiet for another minute. “You should have seen the way Andrea's eyes lit up when Papà was presenting his research. He's all in. He doesn't need another reason to spend more time at the hospital. Meredith says he hasn't been over to her place in 3 nights and Mason says he hasn't come home. So he must be crashing in on call rooms. And that's if he's even sleeping.”

Carina knows Andrew has the same bipolar disorder as their father and honestly, Maya knows it too. She sees all the signs that Carina has stressed about for years. It's early stages and Andrew refuses to hear anything about it, but a breaking point is coming. Carina says she's brought it up to Meredith, who Andrew has been dating for the past couple of months, but she doesn't see it. Maybe it's because she's worried that it makes her a consequence of his symptoms or maybe he just does a better job of hiding it from her. Either way, Maya knows a fallout will come soon. Hopefully it won't be his father's research that pushes him to the breaking point.

“You should be there for him,” Maya says, knowing it's what Carina was going to do anyway.

Carina's mind was likely made up before she even thought to call Maya and discuss. She just needed reassurance.

“You're right,” Carina admits. “It's what I have to do.”

“That's my girl,” Maya says with an air kiss. “Need me to come to the hospital and be a referee?” She asks, trying to lighten the mood while also being a little serious.

“No, I will be okay. Besides, we are all going to dinner tonight with Papà so you should save your energy. I'm worried you'll need it.”

“We're doing what?” Maya wonders if maybe she missed something with Carina was speaking Italian earlier.

“Papà wants us to celebrate,” Carina says, definitely rolling her eyes. “Me, you, Andrea, Meredith, and Papà.”

“That could be fun,” Maya laughs nervously.

Despite all Vincenzo's faults, at the end of the day he is still the father of her girlfriend and her best friend. There's a part of her that does want to know him and wants him to approve of her. And there's another part of her that wants to shake some sense into him for being such a shitty father.

Carina laughs too. “Oh it will be a train wreck, I'm sure. But it will be okay if you're there with me.”

“Of course,” Maya promises. “There's nowhere else I'd rather be.”

“Grazie, bambina.”

“Prego, amore mio.”

Carina lets out a contented sigh and Maya imagines her biting her lower lip, the way she always does when Maya speaks Italian to her. She's getting more and more confident in it, though her sentences are usually rudimentary. But with the way Carina lights up when Maya practices, she knows it'll motivate her to be fluent in no time.

Dinner isn't actually that bad.

Vincenzo is on his best behavior. He's charming and funny, exactly the way Carina always describes him from their good days together. He tells stories from when Carina and Andrew were children, back when he was still married to their mother and they were all happy. He has them all nearly in tears as he recounts the time when Carina and Andrew tried to make pasta on their own and ended up coating their entire kitchen in a thick coat of flour and cracking nearly a dozen eggs all of themselves. He said Andrew ended up getting his head shaved because of it and they were picking tiny pieces of eggshells out of Carina's hair for days after, no matter how many baths she had.

They're all enjoying themselves and Maya watches as Carina relaxes more and more as the night goes on. She's getting a glimpse of the Vincenzo that used to take Carina on adventures all around the world.

Unfortunately, that’s only part of who Vincenzo DeLuca is.

He and Meredith are finishing up trading surgical stories when he turns his attention to Maya.

“So Naya, tell me,” he starts.

“It's Maya, Papà. I've already told you this,” Carina speaks up, tension creeping back into her voice.

“Right, right,” Vincenzo says with another dismissive wave. “Tell me, how is it you convince my Carina to settle down? It is not like her at all.”

Carina's hand shoots out and grips Maya's knee. Maya lays a reassuring hand over top of hers and squeezes gently, letting Carina know she's okay.

“Honestly, Sir, she is the one who convinced me to settle down,” Maya tells him. She looks him right in the eye so he knows she isn't intimidated by him. Not at all.

“This is true? No, impossible,” Vincenzo laughs like it's the most ridiculous thing in the world that Carina could commit herself to someone. “Carina is free spirit. She is like me.”

“I'm not like you, Papà,” Carina says, squeezing Maya's knee harder.

“Why is it bad thing to be like me?” He asks with a condescending laugh. “You should be more like me. You should be surgeon. But you cannot commit.”

“Papà, that isn't fair,” Andrew steps in.

“Andrea, you know this. Your sister does not have our drive. DeLuca men do not quit. DeLuca women, they are different.”

“Don't you dare speak badly of Mamma,” Carina says, her tone biting. “She did nothing wrong.”

“The woman who steals my son and turns you against me? This was not wrong?” Vincenzo's eyes are no longer sparkling like they were when he was telling stories and cracking jokes. They're darker, cold. They remind Maya of her own father's eyes when he would get in one of his moods.

“You turned me against you, Papà. You did that by yourself.” Carina's voice is as tight as a drum. She's barely holding herself back.

“Maybe we should call it a night,” Meredith says gently to try and defuse the situation.

“Meredith is right. Vincenzo, you've had a long travel day. I'm sure it will be nice to settle in at the hotel,” Maya adds.

Vincenzo says something in Italian that makes Carina smack her palm on the table and Andrew mutter, “dio mio.”

“Don't you dare call my girlfriend foolish. She is just–” Carina starts before being interrupted by her father.

“Girlfriend,” Vincenzo huffs with a roll of his eyes. “This word is so strange for you to say. Maybe it is you that is foolish.”

“Papà, fermati!” Andrew says insistently.

Vincenzo ignores him.

“Carina, why do you play pretend with this girl?” Vincenzo's tone is one Maya is all too familiar with. “You do not commit. You never commit. You do not commit to surgery because you can't handle pressure. You do not commit to relationship because you are not made for it. You do not commit to me! You leave me alone because you are coward and believe lies of me. You leave me like your mamma and your silly little brother. You–”

“Mr. DeLuca, that's enough!” Maya cuts in. She's watched Carina grow smaller and smaller with every word out of her father's mouth. She's seen Andrew almost cower in his seat, trauma from childhood likely soaring back to the surface from where it's been buried deep. She can't sit here and let the people she loves be treated like this.

“Carina is the most incredible person I've ever met,” Maya continues. “And if you can't see that, then I feel sorry for you. Both of your children are kind and loyal and caring, traits I know they certainly didn't inherit from you. They have an overwhelming capacity to love despite never having seen it displayed by you. Somehow they still learned how to care for and trust other people even after putting up with your bullying and abuse all their lives. I know we've just met, but I feel like I've known you all my life. You've been allowed to tear your children down for too long, but it stops today. If you can't be the father they need you to be, then you won't be in their lives. I'll do everything in my power to make sure of that.”

Maya's breathing heavily now. She hadn't been planning to say any of that. She wanted to, of course, but it wasn't her place. She intended to be polite and respectful towards Vincenzo, so long as he deserved it. But he made sure to prove he didn't in spectacular fashion.

Carina flips her hand over and grips Maya's. It gives her all the strength she needs to maintain eye contact with Vincenzo as he shakes his head.

“Carina? You let this girl speak at me this way?” He asks, still looking at Maya.

“She's saying everything I should have said to you a long time ago,” Carina says firmly.

Vincenzo looks at Carina then, shock evident on his face. He swears in Italian and then looks at his son. “Andrea?”

Andrew doesn't hesitate before saying, “you should leave, Papà.”

“Ungrateful, disrespectful children!” Vincenzo shouts, earning attention from several tables nearby. “You will not help me with my research. You will not come to the lab tomorrow.”

“And neither will you,” Meredith says. “As a board member of the hospital, I'm terminating any agreement you have with Dr. Bailey. Grey-Sloan will not be supporting your research.”

Vincenzo swears in Italian and rises from the table. He opens his mouth to say more, but instead just looks between his children and shakes his head. “Siete entrambi delle delusioni,” he mutters as he walks away.

The whole table is silent for a minute after he leaves. People around them look in their direction for a while, but then eventually turn back to their meals.

“I'm sorry,” Andrew eventually says, looking at Carina.

“Why? You did nothing wrong,” Carina says.

“I never believed you when you talked about how awful it was growing up with him. I thought you were exaggerating. And tonight seemed tame for him. I can't imagine what you went through.” Andrew's voice is tight and his eyes are glassy. “I'm sorry,” he repeats.

“Don't be. He is the only one who should be sorry,” Carina assures him, clearing her throat and blinking away her own tears.

Meredith raises her glass of wine. “Here's to all of us for growing up with shitty parents and managing to turn out pretty damn good anyway,” she says, always one for dark humor.

“I'll cheers to that,” Maya says, raising her own glass.

Carina and Andrew both laugh at the absurdity of celebrating such a thing, but they raise their drinks too. They all clink their glasses together with smiles and drink deeply.

“Thank you, bella,” Carina says when she sets her glass back down. “You did not have to do that.”

“I couldn't listen to him talk to you like that. I'm sorry if I made things worse,” Maya says.

“There is nothing you could do to make it any worse than he already made it,” Carina assures her, leaning in for a kiss. “Thank you,” she mutters against Maya's lips.