Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Bells,” Jake swung open my truck door for me before I could, “here for game day, huh?”

I waved my worn paperback in his face. “I’m here for the pizza.”

The truth was, Charlie wasn’t all that keen on my staying home alone anymore, afraid that when he came back I’d have run off to Phoenix again, or have Edward over without supervision. I was convinced those options were equally unsavory to him. If game days and fishing trips were what it took to rebuild my fractured relationship with him, it was a small price to pay. I had never realized how much I needed Charlie in my life until I was confronted with losing him.

“And on two feet again,” Jake teased as I finally climbed out of the truck. “For now.”

I stuck my tongue out at him. “Are you going to make fun of me, or are we going to go eat?”

As I knew he would, Jake fell in line with me as I made my way past Charlie’s cruiser and up to the front door.

“Bella,” Billy greeted me with a nod, “It’s good to see you here.”

I wondered at the inflection of ‘here’ unsure what message Billy could be trying to pass along. More often than not, these days, it felt like he and I were having a layered conversation, him trying to warn me away from the Cullens, me pretending not to know what he could be talking about. And I really didn’t know what he was talking about, because surely he couldn’t be thinking of the same reasons for danger as I knew to be true.

“It’s good to see you, too, Billy,” I gave him a tiny smile, dragging two pieces of pizza out of the box and onto my plate. “I’m …” I floundered for something that would give him the reassurance he seemed to need, “…happy to be here.”

Behind me, I heard Jacob snort. I sent him a half-glare over my shoulder. “I am.”

“Sure, sure. Glad your boyfriend let you out of his sight for more than two minutes.”

Jacob’s gripe wasn’t unfamiliar. And at this point I couldn’t say it was unfounded, either. It was true that after our brush with disaster Edward was a bit protective. But it wasn’t his fault I was so breakable and so very human. A walking temptation, and a defenseless one at that. As Edward had pointed out, when I told him I was going to the reservation, if something happened to me here, he couldn’t come help me.

“My balance is a menace at the best of times,” I grumbled as I walked past Jacob toward the couch. “Did you want me to come out to the beach with you on crutches and break my neck, too?”

Charlie’s mustache twitched as he suppressed a smile. The bickering was as familiar as the worn recliner and the ancient tile on the kitchen floor. And my father was, above all other things, a creature of habit.

Jacob plopped down next to me with twice as many slices of pizza on his plate and one in his mouth already. “I’d catch you.” It came out garbled around the pepperoni and cheese. He swallowed. “We should go for a walk after we eat – get your nose out of that book.”

“The book I haven’t even opened yet, because you won’t shut up?”

Billy and Charlie exchanged a look, and I pretended not to notice. Charlie made no secret of preferring Jacob over Edward and trying to steer me in that direction. As if my heart could be won by convenience or popular opinion. No heroine’s heart had ever been so easily swayed.

-*-*-*

Sure enough, as soon as Jacob had finished his fifth slice of pizza and drained the last of his soda, he put out a hand and wiggled his fingers. “C’mon, Bells, let’s go see if your legs work on sand.”

I waited, half expecting a “Who else will be there?” from Charlie. Then remembered that he didn’t feel the need to monitor my time with anyone but Edward. Ignoring Jacob’s outstretched hand, I pushed to my feet, collected our plates, and dropped them in the kitchen sink on the way to the door.

We wandered in the direction of the beach, not taking the most direct path there.

“You know I just worry, right?” Jacob looked uncomfortable.

“Sure, Jake,” I shrugged. “But you don’t need to. Edward would never hurt me; he makes me happy, and he looks after me, and he wants what’s best for me.”

“Does he know what’s best for you?” Jacob asked, then flinched, like he couldn’t believe he was willingly opening the lid on emotions. “Most high school relationships don’t last. I’d hate to see you get screwed over because you weren’t willing to keep your options open. With college, studying what you want to, going where you want to. Would he follow you to Florida if you wanted to go to college near your mom?”

“No,” I responded, prepared to defend Edward with a 'Florida is way too sunny' and stopping myself at the last minute.

Jacob raised his eyebrows at me, like I’d just proved his point.

“He’s not going anywhere, so you’d better get used to him.” I turned my glare straight ahead toward the beach, steps careful but determined. Jacob let me pace ahead of him, but he was at my side in a moment when I gasped and pointed. “Who is that?”

The shape of a body lay curled up, half in the water. A wave crashed ashore, washing over the figure’s head. The person didn’t move a muscle.

I took off running, not sure what was wrong but knowing something was. My left foot snagged against a piece of drift wood and I sprawled into the sand, landing a few feet away from the person – who I now could see was a young man.

“Sam?” Jacob was at the man’s other side, grabbing the man’s bicep and trying to drag him further up the beach, away from the water. “Bella, help.”

I planted my feet, curled my hands around the man’s other arm, and helped haul him out of danger. When we had him propped against a log, I asked, “What’s wrong with him?”

Jacob nudged Sam in the shoulder, “What’s up, man? You okay?”

Now that I took the time to really look, I saw that the man’s eyes were open but unfocused. He was trembling, and I realized his skin was burning hot against my palms, where they were still clasped against his arm.

“Hey,” I leaned into what I thought was probably the man’s field of view. “Sam, right? I’m Bella. I’m going to sit with you while Jacob goes to get some help.”

Jacob looked at me, checking in that I was okay to stay with some stranger we found half-drowned on the beach. I nodded, and he took off running in the direction of the closest house.

I focused my attention back on the man in front of me. His breathing was stilted – like he was trying to hold his breath but his body wouldn’t let him. I pressed the back of my hand to his forehead. “Do you want to see a doctor? You feel like you’re running a fever.”

“No!”

The rough voice was a shock after he’d been so unresponsive when we moved him.

“No you’re not running a fever?” I asked, incredulous. He definitely was. “Then why are you collapsed out here with the tide coming in?”

Sam stayed silent for several long minutes, long enough that I thought he’d dropped back into his trance-state again. Eventually, though he answered. “She said no.” His voice cracked on the last word, as if he was crying, but his eyes were dry.

“Who said no?” Was there someone out there looking for him? Who would be able to get him the help he needed? I hoped so, because I had no idea how to help. Renee was always overly demonstrative when upset, tantrums that disrupted life for days, but I always knew exactly what she wanted from me. And Charlie showed so little emotion he never seemed to need anything from me at all.

“What do you need?” I asked Sam, just trying to get him to respond. I touched his scorching skin again, trying to draw his attention. The moment I touched him he slumped onto my shoulder like a shirt falling off the hanger.

“Emily,” he gasped, and I felt the trembling increase. “Need…. Said no….”

“Bella,” Jacob was back, with Sue Clearwater and her husband Harry. I’d met them a few times, mostly when I was much younger, but Sue’s kind smile hadn’t changed.

“Thank you for staying with him,” Sue nodded to me, and I remembered that she was a nurse. “We will see that Sam gets home safe.”

I took the dismissal for what it was, tugging Jacob’s arm until he followed me back to their house.

-*-*-*

When Edward asked how the visit to the reservation went, I lied. It didn’t feel right to tell him about a stranger’s breakdown, though I wasn’t sure why. It felt like a secret; another secret that wasn’t mine to tell.

I wondered, too, if Jacob’s worries didn’t have a kernel of truth. Because Edward loved me, and he protected me, and he was the perfect gentleman, but I couldn’t help but notice a time or two when he absolutely wouldn’t listen to me, to what I wanted. We’re young; we’re learning how to make a relationship work. We have forever to figure it out together. I assured myself.

The only way to figure it out was to spend as much time together as possible, and it seemed like Edward as in agreement; so we went on long drives, and runs, we went to our meadow and I had picnics, and not a night went by that he didn’t come in through my window. My protector.

So it happened that nearly the whole summer passed before another day came where I had to entertain myself. The Cullens had left for Denali the previous day, and Edward had left early in the morning to catch up with them. As soon as Charlie left for work, I called over to the Blacks’ house.

Chapter Text

“I thought maybe you were spending the summer out in Florida,” Jake half-teased as I made sandwiches for us. “Thought there was no way you’d go so long without visiting if you were only twenty minutes away.”

“I know.” I kept my face turned toward the counter so Jake wouldn’t see how guilty he was making me feel. “I just – Edward – “

“Sure, sure, no need to explain,” Jake waved me off with a roll of his eyes, and I pursed my lips. Part of me wanted to explain, but what could I even say.

“Let’s take our lunch down to the beach,” I looked up with a smile.

“Don’t forget the chips!”

I nodded, “Go grab us sodas from the garage and I’ll meet you outside?”

We took a direct route down to the water this time, eager to settle in and start eating. I pressed our cans of soda into the sand so they would stand up on their own, and when I straightened back up, Jacob was staring at something over my shoulder.

Someone, I discovered as I turned. Sam.

“Um. Hi.” I furrowed my brow. What is he doing here? And why do I always sound like an idiot.

“Hi.” His voice wasn’t as rough as I thought it had been last time. It occurred to me that maybe he’d been crying before we found him, and that was why he could barely speak. That and swallowing seawater couldn’t help.

“Good to see you upright,” I offered him an awkward smile, and elbowed Jake when I could sense him taking pleasure from my disastrous social skills.

Sam nodded.

I cast my eyes around, looking for anything to comment on, and my gaze was captured by his chest. How much must he work out for definition like that? I didn’t even know what type of gym facilities might be on the res, or if he had to go into town to find all the equipment he might need. Why isn’t he wearing a shirt?

Both Quiletes chuckled, and I realized I’d spoken out loud.

“I was going to go for a swim,” Sam tilted his head toward the water. “But I wanted to thank you for staying with me, when we met.” He glanced at Jacob and seemed to be choosing his words carefully, “I was going through a pretty horrible breakup, and you helped.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You cared about me when I didn’t care about myself,” Sam countered. “That’s not nothing.”

“I guess,” I agreed uncertainly.

“Take care.” Sam gave me another nod, and then he was gone – not toward the ocean, but into the woods in the same direction he’d come.

“Horrible breakup my ass,” Jacob grumbled through a bite of sandwich.

I turned back to look at him. “Why do you say that?”

Jake eyed the sandwich sitting ignored on my lap. “Are you going to eat that?”

“Yes.” I took a huge bite while staring him in the eye. After chewing for an eternity to make up for the amount of food in my mouth, I prompted. “What about Sam’s break up?”

“He was with Leah Clearwater,” Jacob explained. “For years, high school sweethearts, rock solid. We all figured they’d be setting a wedding date any day, then all of a sudden he ghosted her for, like, a month. When he finally did show up, he dumped her and the same day, he tried to get with her cousin Emily who was visiting from the Makah res at the time.”

I furrowed my brow. That didn’t gel with the Sam I’d seen on the beach that night. Not that I knew him, really at all, I reminded myself firmly. But if he was that much of a jerk, why find me and thank me today, because I had no doubt that he’d sought me out especially to say thank you. I gave a mental shake of my head. “Weird.”

Chapter Text

My ears came back online first. Someone was shouting my name. Did I need a name, without Edward to speak it like it was the most precious word in the English language? My skin came back next, prickling with cold. But when I tried to tell my arms and legs to move, they wouldn’t. And my nose wasn’t working right either. I couldn’t get any air.

Oh well. Who needs air?

Maybe if I told myself firmly enough, I could stop breathing altogether. Stop trying, and just go. My life was over, my world was gone. Taken from me when Edward turned and walked away from me in the woods.

If I were a little faster, if I could have caught up. If he changed me when I first asked. If I was enough for him. Half formed thoughts swirled in my mind, nearly drowned out by the steady beat of He’s Gone. He’s Gone. He’s Gone. He’s Gone.

“Bella!” The shout was different this time, and I couldn’t put my finger on why. Then, I was on fire. Strong hands of flame lifted me up, and then I was engulfed in it.

My world moved in time with the fire, rocking back and forth. Weird. I don’t have a world; how is it moving?

I cracked open my eyes, crusted shut with dried tears. I gulped air into my throat. I couldn’t breathe.

What did it matter?

Sam. The fire was Sam. Does he always have a fever? I blinked. Does he never wear a shirt? Then, Edward used to wear shirts.

He’s Gone. He’s Gone. He’s Gone.

I coughed. “Sam.”

Warm, dark eyes flickered down to my face, and he offered me a nod. “I’m going to get you home to Charlie, okay? He’s frantic.”

“Home?” Home didn’t exist anymore. My room, with Edward in the rocking chair while I slept. That was home. It was gone.

Hot arms cradled me closer. “Oh, Bella,” Sam sounded sad. For me? Who had the energy to even feel sad anymore? Sad didn’t even begin to cover it.

We stopped.

I could hear other people still calling my name, and wondered how long I’d been gone.

“Hey,” Sam was looking at me fully now that he didn’t have to watch where he was walking. He was still carrying me, and I was distantly impressed that his arms didn’t seem to be getting tired. “Bella, look at me.”

Wasn’t I? I blinked again and tried to focus.

“I know how devastating this feels. Remember? You found me, and I was just like you are today. I have to live my way through this, every day. And it sucks. So just know that you’re not alone, alright?”

No one has ever been how I am today. We were supposed to be together forever. He said we were soulmates. He said. Forever.

“He’s gone,” I croaked.

He’s Gone. He’s Gone. He’s Gone.

“I know,” Sam nodded. “So is she. But I’m here. And so are you.” He started moving again. “And so is Charlie.” He took a few more steps, then called out, “I’ve got her. Here!”

Chapter Text

I was running through the woods, knowing that Edward was just a few steps ahead of me. And also knowing I would never catch up. I tripped and fell, and a hand reached down to help me up. I took it, looking into Sam’s warm eyes. I looked down at our hands, and when I looked up, I was holding onto Edward instead, only his eyes were red. He opened his mouth, and—

I awoke, aware that I’d been screaming only because Charlie was already bursting into my room.

“Sweetheart,” he wrapped an arm around me, letting me lean into his shoulder as I tried to remember how to breathe. Waking up was always the worst – I never quite knew how to breath, how to swallow, how to move, right after I woke from one of my nightmares.

It had been two weeks, and I knew logically that I should be getting better. Teens broke up all the time; as Jacob had pointed out, high school relationships were rarely forev—rarely worked out. But how could I get better without my heart inside me? I sucked in a breath, coughed on it, and gasped, “Where is he?”

Charlie frowned. “Edw—”

“No.” I didn’t have the energy to flinch, all my energy went to not letting the gaping hole in my chest swallow me whole.

“Who?”

“Sam.” It must have seemed totally out of the blue, because Charlie didn’t respond. “He’s the one who found me. Sam,” I repeated.

“Sam Uley,” Charlie filled in his last name. “You need Sam Uley?”

I nodded.

Charlie sighed, and I absently registered that he looked exhausted. I really needed to pretend better, for his sake. “Okay, Bells,” Charlie patted my shoulder. “I’ll call Billy in the morning and see if he can send Sam down for you after school.”

-*-*-*

How was Sam able to find me? I wondered as I pushed applesauce around in a plastic bowl. I mean, literally, how could he function well enough to be up and about and searching for me, if he has this gaping hole in his chest like I do?

“What do you think, Bella?” Angela asked.

“Yes?” I guessed, giving her a dull look. I fought the urge to glance at the Cullens’ table, left empty by some unspoken rule of the student population. It felt like a special form of torture just for me.

“Cool,” Angela smiled brightly, and I winced involuntarily at the foreign motion of her mouth.

“You know people there, right?” Mike chimed in. “I remember you introduced us last time we went out there.”

I nodded once before turning my attention back to my uneaten applesauce. I’d have to ask Angela in English what exactly I’d just agreed to.

-*-*-*

“Billy said you needed to see me,” Sam greeted as I stepped out of my truck after school that day. He studied me, then frowned. “I won’t ask if you’re doing okay, because it’s clear you aren’t.”

I lifted one shoulder in a shrug and dropped down onto the porch step. He mimicked me, and I decided to cut to the chase. “How do you live with pain like this?”

Sam stretched his legs out, carefully considering his response. After long minutes of nothing but the quiet rustling of wind through branches, he spoke, “You saw me, that first night. I might have drowned if you and Jacob hadn’t found me, and I did not have the strength to care. Or, I thought I didn’t. But I’ve found strength I never knew I had – to push through, to take on responsibilities, and to find something else to be the center of my universe. It can’t be her, and I can’t hold onto something that never existed.”

“He – we – it did exist,” I faltered.

Dark eyes sought mine, and for the first time since that night in the woods, I didn’t duck away from the eye contact. “I know, Bella. But it doesn’t anymore.” I watched him watch me tuck my arms tighter around myself. “Believe me when I say I know how hard that is to hear. If you’re asking what helped for me: It was finding something to be responsible for.”

I frowned. The raw edges of my missing heart throbbed at the thought of finding a distraction, As if He is a school assignment or fight with a parent that can be forgotten over a good book and a cup of tea.

“I’m hungry.” Sam stood up and tugged me upright with him. He stood next to me as I unlocked the house, then ushered me into the kitchen. “Have any leftovers? Jacob raves about your cooking.”

I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d cooked – weeks ago, certainly. Charlie had been getting dinner on his way home from any one of the places in town, and I … wasn’t hungry. I examined Sam as he leaned against the counter. He was tall and broad and – Should I just assume he doesn’t own a shirt at this point? It’s not even hot outside. But he did look a little skinny; I could see his ribs too clearly.

“Sit down,” I nodded toward the table and moved around it to dig through the fridge. “Fish okay?” It was the one thing we always had plenty of in the freezer, thanks to Charlie’s fishing habit.

“Thanks,” Sam nodded again, and I wondered what he had against smiling. I thought of my reaction to Angela’s smile at lunch and thought maybe I understood.

“So I’ll be on the res next weekend, apparently.” I offered the information as I thawed the fish and chopped some veggies. They weren’t exactly fresh, but it was obvious that Charlie had at least tried to shop in my …absence from the kitchen.

Sam fiddled with the salt and pepper shakers on the table absently. “Yeah? I didn’t realize you and Jake planned that far ahead.”

I glanced at Sam, wondering when he’d gotten so invested in my friendship with Jake. “No, not with Jake,” I tried to smile and felt it fail as it reached my lips. “Um. Some of the folks in my year are going to First Beach, and they invited me along.”

“It’s good that you agreed,” Sam praised. “At the risk of impersonating a therapist, it’s important not to shut yourself off from the people who care about you.”

I remembered the words Sam had offered me when he thanked me. You cared about me when I didn’t care about myself. I knew he was speaking from his own experience. “I didn’t agree intentionally, I just wasn’t paying attention. But,” I hastened to add when I saw concern flit across his features, “I don’t think I regret it.”

The thing about cooking is that it is a great distraction, even when you don’t want to forget about your hurts. I was so engrossed with getting Sam’s dinner ready that I didn’t hear him get up and move behind me.

“Here.”

I jumped, surprised that he’d managed to cross the kitchen for a second plate without my knowledge, and in true walking-disaster fashion fumbled the knife straight into my own palm.

“Shit!” Sam moved rapidly around the kitchen, getting me a towel, moving me over to the sink, and tucking the knife safely off to one side of the cutting board.

I cringed, pressing my hand into the towel so hard I could feel the fibers of it in my cut. “I’m sorry; I’m so sorry.” I was holding my breath, just as They did to control their bloodlust. “I’m such a klutz; it’s my fault.”

Gentle hands clasped around each of my wrists, pulling the towel away from my injured palm enough for Sam to take a look. “Take a breath, Bella. You’re going to be fine; it was an accident. I startled you. I’m sorry.”

I nudged the faucet with the back of my wrist, determined to wash the blood away as quickly as it could come to the surface.

Sam nudged the water back off. “You don’t need to do that, Bella. The smell isn’t going to bother me. Understand? I’m not going to attack you.”

My body executed a feeble nod before his words registered in my brain. “What did you just say?”

His eyes danced away from mine for a change, and he stared at his hand, holding mine and the towel. “Please, Bella.”

“What?” I was trembling, staring at him, willing him to repeat what I was sure I’d heard him say.

Finally, his eyes met mine again. “Take a seat, I’ll grab the food and then we can eat.”

“It’s all for you,” I corrected. “And don’t think I’m going to let you distract me.”

Sam shook his head as he plated dinner on two plates, one heaping with food for himself, one with a few teaspoons of salad and two bites of fish. “This looks like it’s more than you’ve been eating.”

“It is. Now what did you say? Or, what did you mean?”

Instead of answering, Sam took a few bites of food. I couldn’t fault him for it, since even I could hear his stomach growling at the plate in front of him. I tried to mirror him the best I could, and even got both bites of fish down before my mouth felt glued shut. I swallowed several times, pushing my salad around on my plate.

“You know exactly what it’s like, having a secret you can’t tell.” Sam started. “I can’t tell you why or how I know what the Cullens are, but yes, I do know what they are.”

The hole in my chest throbbed at hearing them spoken of so plainly. “Then you know th—you know they – wouldn’t hurt me.”

Sam’s face was distinctly unimpressed by my defense of them, and I couldn’t exactly blame him, given my spectacular reaction to cutting myself. To my surprise, that’s not what Sam brought up when he spoke, “They hurt you by leaving. They say they’re good and kind and gentle, but they left you.”

“It’s my fault.” My voice cracked, but I managed to push the words out. “After what happened on my birthday, they had to.”

“Tell me what happened, then. Explain it to me.”

And I did. The whole story spilled out like a rain barrel that had been knocked over. It was hard to talk about them, hard to even recall the memories when all my mementos had been stolen from me, but at the same time it was freeing to have one person I didn’t have to lie to. “And the rest you were there for,” I concluded weakly, afraid to look Sam in the eye. I was sure I’d see the condemnation there that I felt myself.

“It’s all bullshit; you know that, right?”

My head jerked up, glare aimed right at him.

The man smirked. “Your turn to eat while I break down what you just told me.” I shook my head, and he just raised an eyebrow at me. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re not dead. And I’m certainly glad they didn’t turn you, but that’s all they would have had to do. Turn you and take you away from Forks. Or, send the one that attacked you away for a while to work on its control.”

“His. His name is Jasper,” I interjected.

“You get what I’m saying though, right? And they didn’t leave right away. If they were fleeing in the heat of the moment, they wouldn’t have been around the next day. And they were. I could sm—” he cut off with a frustrated noise. “Just, I promise you they didn’t leave immediately like he told you they did.”

“He lied?” I felt a wave of hurt pulse through me, followed by a foreign heat. It took me several seconds to identify it as anger. Have I ever been angry at any of them? Have I ever wanted to defend myself against something they did? I couldn’t really remember.

“How’s your hand?” Sam called me out of my spiraling thoughts. He indicated my injured palm with his chin, and I looked down. My fist was clenched and dripping blood onto my plate.

My empty plate. “I ate?”

“Yes, while I was talking,” Sam’s smirk was back. I wondered what it would take to earn a real smile. “Do you want something else to eat?”

I started to shake my head before pausing to actually consider. Now that I’d managed to get anything into my stomach, it was starting to come back to life. “Pineapple and bacon pizza?”

Sam nodded solemnly. “I’ll call it in if you find me a shirt?” It was a request, and I hastened to comply, totally entranced by the foreign feeling of hunger. But it was easy to feel human again with Sam, with no lies that needed telling and no masks that needed wearing.

That’s how Charlie found us, several hours later: Empty pizza box on the coffee table, both of us tucked into opposite corners of the couch, with my feet creeping across the couch toward Sam’s heat. Labyrinth was playing on DVD because Sam had never seen it, and he was pointing out inconsistencies with a good-natured smirk.

“Hi, Chief Swan,” Sam greeted politely, with what, in my mind, was quickly becoming his signature nod.

“Sam,” Charlie greeted with a smile. “Something good for dinner?”

“We tried to save you some pizza,” I offered, “but it turns out Sam is a human garbage disposal capable of eating his own weight in bacon.”

Charlie stared at me, and it took me a moment to realize that I’d responded the way old Bella would have, instead of the way yesterday’s husk-Bella might have.

Luckily, Sam was there to stop us from having a moment. “You’re not wrong, but you shouldn’t call your dinner guests trash, Bella.”

I stared at him, wondering if he had made a joke, and got my answer when he broke out into a wide grin. He stood, “Yes, that was a joke. I am capable, you know. But I should be headed home – I have an assignment to finish before tomorrow.”

I nodded, folded the pizza box up, and passed it to him. “Can you toss that in the bin on your way out?”

Sam took it wordlessly, a tiny smirk across his lips, and I realized the easy familiarity I’d fallen into. I never could have done that with Him, I realized, then mentally shook it off. Must just be that he feels easy like Jake does.

“I thought you weren’t going to college,” Charlie asked, ever the cop, as he walked Sam toward the door.

“Yeah,” Sam quickly explained. “I had wanted to go down to Seattle for school, but the Tribal Council couldn’t afford to help me, and I couldn’t get there on my own. So we compromised with online classes. Might take me a little longer, but I can keep working at the same time, so that’s a help.”

I shifted across the couch into the warm spot left by Sam’s huge frame. Warmth soaked into me, thawing out my bones, and I quickly relaxed into sleep.

Chapter Text

I awoke screaming again, with Charlie as always, nearby. “I’m right here, honey,” he soothed, pushing my hair off my sweaty forehead.

“Sorry for waking you,” I croaked, forcing my lungs to work despite their best efforts. I looked around and realized I was still on the couch, an ancient quilt draped across me.

“I was already awake,” Charlie shrugged. “Going to head into work a little early today, so we can get out in the woods. We’ve been getting reports of a giant bear attacking hikers.”

A giant bear? I wasn’t convinced. If my time with the Cu- with them had taught me anything, it was that animal attacks were not always what they seemed. I curled my arms around my chest and took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’ll go put on a pot of coffee then.”

Charlie smiled. “I appreciate it, Bells.”

We ate breakfast together, or rather, he ate breakfast and I stared into a mug of coffee aimlessly. Despite my hunger the night before, my appetite had disappeared again. I wondered if I could call Billy to get Sam’s number, but forced the thought away. He’s not your friend, Bella, he’s just keeping you company so you aren’t left alone with your thoughts.

“Have a good day at school,” Charlie bid me goodbye. “I’m not sure what time I’ll be home – after the search Harry’s having a fish fry, so I thought I’d do that for dinner.”

“Sure,” I nodded, then perked up a little. “Am I invited?”

The answering smile that spread across Charlie’s face was worth setting myself up for disappointment if neither Sam nor Jake were there.

-*-*-*

I’d no sooner stepped out of my truck into the drizzle of Harry Clearwater’s driveway than Jake’s cheerful voice swept over me. “Bella! I didn’t believe Charlie when he said you’d be joining us.”

I couldn’t quite muster up a mock-glare for him, much as I wanted to. School was unbearably difficult; it felt like every single classroom I entered taunted me with memories of Him - making me laugh or blush or some other emotion that felt permanently locked away from me. That’s what happens when someone moves away and takes your heart with them, I mused.

Jake nudged me gently, curling his arm over my shoulder and guiding me toward the backyard. “Not raining too bad yet, so we’re still outside.”

I nodded, stepping carefully until he deposited me on a log bench. “I’ll bring it over, no sense tempting the fates.”

That time, I managed to give him a weak scowl, at least. “I am perfectly capable of walking.”

“Usually,” Jake called over his shoulder, already moving toward the food.

“Bella.”

I twisted to face Sam, and he dropped down next to me on the bench. I took a deep breath as he did so, already feeling marginally more relaxed that someone was there who had no expectations of me. “Did you get your assignment done?”

He nodded. “No thanks to you, keeping me out past curfew.”

“I did?” A tiny wave of guilt crashed over me. My arms twitched a hair tighter as I realized I might be a burden he didn’t need.

To his credit, Sam realized what I was feeling right away, because he shook his head. “God, Bella, no, it was another joke. I don’t have a curfew; I live alone.”

“Alone?” I echoed. I couldn’t even imagine living alone with the hurt I was feeling. How much worse would it feel not to have Charlie there after a nightmare? Not to have someone at least trying to get me to eat, and shower, and be social.

Sam didn’t explain further, eyes catching on the figure of Jake waiting in the fish fry line. “Calling Billy to find me worked, but I think he’d prefer it if he didn’t become my social planner.”

He’s Gone. He’s Gone. He’s Gone.

The drumbeat reminder had been absent for a while, but returned with a vengeance as it occurred to me what Sam was asking for. Well, he can’t ask if I offer, I pushed myself to not be selfish. “Don’t worry, Sam. I know we’re not friends; I won’t bother you again.”

“What?” Sam’s brows knit together and he turned back to focus his attention on me. “No, that’s not what I was getting at. I just meant: I don’t have a cell phone, but my house has a line. Here’s the number.” He held out a slip of paper – one of those free memo pads that you get in the mail when an organization asks for a donation – with his number on it.

My lips formed a tiny “O” and I felt a blush rise to my cheeks at my mistake. “Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry,” Sam assured, bumping his shoulder gently against mine. “Take a deep breath.” I did so, and he gifted me with the tiniest of smiles. “Better?”

Actually, yes. I wasn’t sure why or what, but I did feel a little more at ease. I nodded as I tucked the number into my pocket.

“Good,” Sam nodded. He stood, and it occurred to me that he was actually wearing a shirt for once. He looked down at me once more. “Call me if you need me; I’ll be around.”

Then he was gone.

Jake dropped into his spot, passing me a plate full of food. “You good, Bells?”

“Yup,” I responded, and it wasn’t until after I said it that I realized it was – well, not true exactly, but much closer to true than it had been two weeks ago.

Jacob gazed across the crowd, clearly looking for someone, and caught a glimpse of Sam. “What does he think he’s doing here?”

“Hmmm?” I inquired as I put a bite of food in my mouth. I felt a tiny flicker of satisfaction as my mouth watered instead of drying out.

“He broke Leah’s heart, started a gang, and then shows up here?” Jacob clutched the flimsy paper plate.

I stared at Jacob for a moment, then realized he must be talking about Sam. “A gang?”

My friend nodded, digging into his fish as if it had personally offended him. “This summer he was just a loner, but now Jared is with him constantly. Like, what do they have against shirts? And matching tattoos? And they watch some of the other guys too. They’re constantly checking in on Paul, like he doesn’t have enough going on already!”

“Okay,” I forced a laugh and almost choked on it. “I get it, I get it. Eat your fish.”

Chapter Text

Somehow I made it through the next week and a half of school. I wasn’t exactly as numb as I had been in the initial month, but I’d missed too much gossip to be of much use to Jessica, and Lauren had never had any need for me. So it was Angela, Ben, and Mike who fought to keep me in the loop.

The day of the First Beach trip finally arrived, and we met outside Newton’s Outfitters. “Can I ride with you?” Angela asked, polite as always.

I nodded, hoping she wouldn’t ask about the radio. “Make sure to slam the door when you get in, or it won’t latch,” I prompted as we climbed in.

Angela was really the best sort of friend, I decided as we drove. She was content to sit in silence as we drove, watching the landscape slide past the window.

I recognized Sam even before I put the truck in park, and wondered if his timing was intentional. I climbed out and took a deep breath. My lungs miraculously worked at full capacity, and I took another breath as I waited for Angela to join me.

“Think fast!” Mike called, tossing a football in my direction.

Naturally, I flailed, intercepting the ball just as I realized it had been intended for Ben, and bouncing it right into my own face.

I immediately covered my cheek, where I could already feel a bruise forming.

“You okay?” Sam had somehow reached my side, and he tugged my hand away to examine my face.

“Of course,” I shrugged. “You know me, always something going wrong.” I met his eyes and found my lips twitching upward into a tiny smile.

Sam offered an equally tiny smile back, then glanced over my head. “Could you introduce me to your friends?”

I did so, noticing Mike’s narrowed eyes as the two shook hands. It was a truly ridiculous juxtaposition – Sam, well over six feet tall and twice as broad as Mike, who was a full head shorter. Another teen was with Sam, not as tall but nearly as broad. “Your turn,” I prompted with a tilt of my chin.

“Sure,” Sam shrugged easily and beckoned the other Quileute closer. “Bella, this is Jared.”

“Right,” I snorted. “The gang member.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “That’s right, we’re a gang. We pick up trash on the beach and make sure all the kids walk home safe from school, but we’re the dangerous ones.”

“Hey,” Sam interjected, firm but kind. “They can think what they want. They’ll come around eventually.”

I watched the interaction with interest. I didn’t care what Jacob said, I knew Sam wasn’t bad news. I couldn’t be sure what was going on with Leah and –what was her name, Emily?- but I was sure that there must be more to the story.

“I think your friends are leaving you behind,” Sam observed, a hint of amusement in his voice.

Turning to look over my shoulder, I shrugged. “If you aren’t busy, I think you’re more fun.”

Jared snorted. “He’s not busy; I’m going to pa- pick up his shift so that he can hang out with you.”

I felt blood rush to my cheeks at the blatant set up. But even through the embarrassment of maybe inconveniencing this near stranger, my lungs were working, and I was getting a little hungry. “Where are you working?” I remembered Sam mentioning working his way through college, when he was talking to Charlie, but couldn’t remember if he’d said where.

“Construction,” Sam answered, turning and starting to walk toward a log. He trusted me to keep up, despite my proof not five minutes ago that I was a walking accident. “I just pick up shifts when I can; Jared does too.”

“It was nice to meet you,” I gestured to Jared as he turned to leave us.

“You too.” The dark-haired teen smiled easily. “It’s nice to see Sam smiling again; keep it up.”

That remark left me confused, but I was determined to enjoy the day while I could. “So that’s your gang, huh?”

“I promise it isn’t actually a gang,” Sam let out a small huff of air that might pass as a laugh. “It’s … You remember our conversation about secrets? We can’t tell people the secret, so we have to let them think what they will.”

Interesting. “So Jared knows about the Cu-“ Nope, it still hurt. “Knows about Them, too?”

“Yes,” Sam nodded. “But it’s not his secret to tell, either.”

We sat and talked for the next hour, sort of watching Mike and the rest play football. I was mainly waiting for them to start a fire so we could make s’mores, but it was so out of the norm for me to be hungry that I didn’t dare ask, in case they commented.

“Uh oh.”

I looked at Sam, who had cut himself off in the middle of a story from his junior year of high school, and then followed his line of sight. “Oh.” It was Jacob, and he was running down the beach at full tilt.

“Hey, Jake!” I stood to greet him, wobbling just a smidgeon until Sam steadied me with a hand to the shoulder. I took a couple steps, throwing my arms around his shoulders, which were broadening as he moved into his middle teens.

“Bells,” Jake’s smile was bright as he looked at me. Then, keeping one arm around me, he gazed over my shoulder. “Sam. Why are you here?”

“Same reason you are,” I interjected quickly, aiming a weak punch at Jake’s shoulder. “My stunning company.”

Jake blinked, as if shocked that I’d made a joke, and I guess it was fair. It had been a long time since I’d been joking around, but I was feeling the closest to normal that I had in a while. “But why.” His tone made it clear that it was a threat and not a question.

Lifting his hands in a sign of surrender, Sam stood. “It’s fine, Jacob. I should head out anyways.”

“No!” I’d never heard Jake’s voice sound that raw, and I gaped up at him, but he ignored me, continuing, “I don’t know what you’re up to, but I know it can’t possibly be good. You watch Paul like he’s a ticking bomb; you constantly wander around the res like you own it, you’re with my dad and the Elders all the time, pretending like you believe in all those legends when you must know they’re just ghost stories. I’m still working on how it fits together but you are going to leave Bella out of it!”

“Jake,” I placed a hand on his arm and could feel how tense he was, “Jake, it’s fine. Sam and I are kinda friends, especially since he found me – “ I couldn’t finish the sentence.

He’s Gone. He’s Gone.

The pounding returned, but I pushed it away fiercely. He lied! He left! He made his choice.

“So you think he’s some sort of hero?” Jake’s face was twisted, and I knew for a fact he’d never addressed me in such a way before. Where has the ray of sunshine gone?

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I took a deep breath, more grateful than ever that I could now. I propped my fists on my hips. “Jacob Black, if you think you can try and control me—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jake’s voice was bitter. “I know, I know. Only Cullen is allowed to do that.”

I could see as soon as the words left his mouth that he knew he’d seriously crossed the line, but they couldn’t be taken back. I closed my eyes, and I wasn’t sure if I was trying not to cry over Him or trying not to scream at Jacob.

“That’s enough,” Sam’s voice was steady. “Your problem is with me; Bella didn’t deserve that.”

Jacob nodded, turned on his heel, and walked away. “Careful, Bella, you never know who might be a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

Chapter Text

I was running through the woods, and although I couldn’t see or hear him, I knew Edward was chasing me. Without knowing how I knew, I was absolutely certain that I couldn’t let him catch me – that I wouldn’t survive the experience. “Help!” I tried to scream, but as so often these days, my lungs weren’t working and I couldn’t get the word out.

There was a shadow and a growl, then a huge wolf stood between me and Edward, whose red eyes I could now see glowing. The wolf stomped its massive paw and snapped at Edward, who froze in place. Instead of approaching me, he reached out his hand, “Come here, love. You know you want to join me.”

I shook my head, reaching out for the wolf, seeking its protection and strength. I opened my mouth –

“Sam.” The word left my mouth as I woke up, and I was surprised to see that Charlie wasn’t there. I must not have been screaming, then. I took a shaky breath. How had I not remembered the legends earlier? It had been less than a year ago that Jacob told them to me on the beach, trying to explain why the Cul – why they didn’t go to La Push. It never occurred to me to question the truth behind the spirit wolves, if vampires existed, surely shapeshifters could too.

My cell phone was on my bedside table, and I grabbed it, already pulling up Sam’s number before I looked at the time and realized it was 3 in the morning. I flipped the phone shut again. In a few more hours, I could just drive out there and find him.

In the meantime, I organized my closet by color, finished up the last of my homework, outlined an upcoming history paper, then headed downstairs to cook breakfast. Charlie hadn’t mentioned going fishing today, but it would unusual if he wasn’t, and whether he was fishing or not, he never slept in.

“Smells good,” Charlie’s voice was groggy when he stumbled into the kitchen around 6. “There an occasion I forgot about?”

“Not that I know of,” I answered over my shoulder as I poured him a mug of coffee. I set it down in front of him. “I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to hide in my room.”

That earned me a small, approving nod. Charlie took a deep breath, like the aroma of coffee was enough caffeine to give him that first boost. “I know it hasn’t been easy for you, honey, but I see how much you’re trying to get better, and I’m … proud of you.”

I peered through the window in lieu of a response, knowing neither of us wanted to prolong the sentiment. “Is that the actual sun I see?”

“Yeah, believe it or not,” Charlie chuckled. “Don’t mistake sun for warmth, though. Wear layers.”

“Sam runs like a furnace, anyways,” I mused aloud, not really intending for Charlie to hear it.

“Bells…” Charlie’s voice was tentative enough that I turned to see what the matter was. “Are you dating Sam Uley?”

I tightened my arms around my torso, expecting the raw edges where my heart should be to throb, but realized the thought didn’t bring up feelings of guilt or betrayal. Or denial. Interesting. Am I actually … getting better?

Charlie cleared his throat, and I focused back on the conversation at hand. “No, we aren’t. But he’s really nice and smart, and he gets what I’ve been dealing with.” Understatement of the century.

My father studied me, accepting my words although I could see that he wasn’t totally convinced. “He’s a good kid,” he offered.

I nodded, “But I don’t want to start another relationship too quickly. I can’t go through it again.”

That was the end of the conversation. Charlie washed his mug and grabbed his breakfast sandwich to go, then I scrambled up the stairs to dress for the day. By 7 I was on the road, heading to La Push.

-*-*-*

My truck was conspicuous moving through Forks, but that was nothing to the way it shattered the stillness as I drove through La Push. I wasn’t sure where Sam lived; every time we’d seen each other, it had been because he found me. So I figured I’d park where my truck might be spotted and then wait on the beach.

Luckily I didn’t have to test out my theory, because as I drove toward what passed as the town center, I saw Jared coming out of the woods. I slowed to a stop next to him. “Need a ride?”

Jared grinned as he hauled open the door, “Not going to say no! Looking for Sam?”

I felt a blush heat my cheeks, and reveled for a moment in the reaction that I’d thought was dead. Jared smirked, “No worries, I was headed there myself. I’ll give you directions.”

For the next several minutes, Jared directed me away from the main road and further into the edges of the woods. Finally, we pulled up to a small, weathered cabin-style home. The paint was pealing and the window boxes hung empty, but it seemed to radiate the warmth I already associated with Sam.

“If you’re here for breakfast, you’re out of luck,” Sam’s voice chided from down the hallway when we swung the door open.

Jared laughed, and even I couldn’t help a tiny chortle. The kitchen was placed at the very center of the house, so I quickly moved there and started digging through cabinets. The yield wasn’t fantastic, but it was enough for me to pull together a scramble from the mostly-frozen ingredients.

“Are you cooking?” Sam’s voice was followed by his footsteps, and he entered the kitchen, where Jared gave him a shit-eating grin.

“I came with my own chef this morning.”

“There will be enough for both of you,” I waved Jared’s smug comment off. “If you want to be helpful, you can get the plates.”

Sam gestured for Jared to stay sitting at the table, crossing the kitchen to stand nearly against my back. He reached over my head and pulled the plates down. “You’re eating with us.” It wasn’t a question.

I paused to take stock of my body. My breathing was even and easy, my mind was calm, and best of all, I was hungry. I dug back into the freezer for a second bag of frozen potatoes.

“So, do you eat as much as you do because you’re ‘growing boys,” I asked, “or because you spend half your times as giant wolves?”

Jared choked on air, and Sam patted him on the back while turning to examine me carefully. “You figured it out.”

I gave him a triumphant grin. “I remembered. Jake told me the legends last year when I was looking for more information on the Cullens.” Hey, it didn’t hurt, I realized, and mentally patted myself on the back.

“Goddamnit.” But Sam was laughing, so I knew he wasn’t really upset that I’d figured it out. He leaned against the counter, and my eyes flickered down to his chest, bare as always.

“Does that have something to do with the no-shirts thing?” I asked as I noticed that Jared was also shirtless.

“Yup,” Jared popped the ‘p.’ “Our body temperatures are, like, crazy high, so it’s too hot for unnecessary layers most of the year. Not to mention every time we phase we rip whatever we’re wearing.”

I hummed in agreement, dishing up three plates of food and handing two to Sam. We moved to join Jared at the table, and I asked my next question. “So there’s just the two of you?”

Jared and Sam exchanged a look, and I wondered if – like with Him – I was about to be told that I didn’t need to know. Sam shook his head, “It won’t always be. Paul is ready to go any minute; it’s why Jacob’s noticed us keeping such a close eye on him. It’s terrifying the first time, and we don’t want him to be alone during that.”

I dug my fork into the scramble. “I need to go grocery shopping, then.” Sam’s furrowed brow told me that he didn’t track the conversation, so I explained, “I could barely scrape together breakfast for the two of you. If the pack is going to be growing, I’m going to have a lot more mouths to feed.” Sam was still gaping at me, so I turned to Jared, “Is this the official home base?”

“Sam is the alpha – the leader of the pack,” Jared supplied. “For now, at least.” Said alpha shot a quick look at Jared, and the younger man shrugged, “What, we’re trying to keep secrets at this point?”

The raw edges of my chest trembled. I’m not enough for the truth with Sam either. Always secrets. Too human to be in the loop.

“I was going to be a little careful about bringing it up,” Sam’s voice was fondly exasperated. He turned to me, “It’s probable that Jacob is going to phase as well. And since Billy is the Chief and Ephraim was the alpha of the last pack, it’s Jacob’s birthright, when he’s ready to accept it.”

The air got caught in my lungs for a split second as I processed that new information. He’s so young for so much responsibility. Some of my thoughts must have shown on my face, because Sam offered me a small, reassuring smile. “Not until he says he’s ready.”

Jared scooped the last of his scramble into his mouth. “I’m going to go get some sleep. I’m going over to Paul’s later, so I’ll let you know how it goes.”

Sam nodded and collected the plates to bring over to the sink. As Jared loped out the back door, the alpha motioned me to move into the living room with him. “So that’s why you’re here this morning? To tell me you figured out my secret?”

I shrugged. “I really appreciate not having any secrets from you; I was hoping that you’d also be able to have someone who you don’t need to lie to.”

Warm eyes caught my own, appreciation flooding them. “Let’s start at the beginning then,” he suggested, settling more comfortably on the couch. “I was the first to phase; that’s why I’m the alpha, and I’ve appreciated knowing what the rest of my pack members will go through, but being totally alone and confused…. It took me days to calm down enough to be human again, and it was only then that the Council came to me and explained what was going on. They told me it had to be a secret, even from Leah. And I couldn’t lie to her, so I had to avoid her, until I built up the strength to break up with her.”

He ran a hand down his face, looking exhausted. “When I went to her house to end things, her cousin Emily was visiting. The moment I saw Emily’s face I knew….” He paused to take a deep breath, and I knew he was preparing himself for what came next. “Wolves do this thing called imprinting. It’s a way for us to identify the person who could be our perfect partner. The Council think it’s more about the best probability to pass along the wolf gene, but no one knows the purpose for sure. It’s the strongest feeling of love at first sight that you can even imagine. And it washed over me, there right in front of my ex-fiance.”

So Jake was right, to be expecting a wedding announcement. I couldn’t even imagine how terrible and overwhelming that situation had to be. I laid my hand on Sam’s arm empathetically.

“The next day, I found Emily and begged her to give me a chance. I know she felt it too, I mean, I’ve been told that imprints do. But she told me in no uncertain terms that she would always pick her cousin first and that I should fuck off and die.” Sam’s voice was hard, devoid of emotion, as if he was reciting the Gettysburg Address. “So I tried to.”

“What?” My hand tightened on Sam’s forearm until it had to be uncomfortable.

Sam gave a mirthless laugh. “A wolf will be whatever an imprint asks him to be. She asked me to die, so … I tried. It became obvious that my advanced healing wouldn’t let me seriously injure myself – I healed before I lost enough blood to even pass out. So, I went to the beach. Surely my advanced healing wouldn’t be any match to drowning, if I shut myself off from my survival instincts. If I went numb.”

”The night we found you,” I murmured, shifting to give him a sideways hug. Tears stung the corners of my eyes at the thought of anyone having to experience that.

He nodded. “Yes. And even though you don’t think it’s a big deal, it really did a lot to show me that I was worth someone caring for. It was only a couple days later that Jared phased, and then I had someone to look after – a pack to protect. That’s what helped me push through the worst of the pain. I mean, it’s not that easy, I had no appetite for weeks, no sense of humor for longer than that, but it’s been months now, and I’m feeling almost myself again. The Council weren’t sure I’d survive the rejected imprint – there are no records that it’s ever happened before.”

“Oh, Sam,” I whimpered, hugging him tighter. “I’m so glad you’re still here.”

We stayed like that for a few minutes, before a howl sounded and Sam jumped to his feet. “That’s gotta be Paul,” he explained quickly.

I nodded my understanding. “I’ll go grocery shopping so he has something to eat when he phases back.” I watched Sam go, blushing when he stripped off his shorts before transforming into a massive black wolf. Interesting.

I climbed back into my truck, memorizing the roads so I could find my way back with the groceries. Within two hours, I’d fully stocked up the bed of my truck with supplies the growing pack would need. As I carefully made the return trip, I saw Jacob and his friends, Embry and Quil, who I’d met at the fish fry.

Jacob flagged me down, and I was able to offer him a genuine smile. “Hey, Jake!”

“You look like you’re having a good day,” he grinned at me, climbing into the passenger side. “Mind giving us a ride back? We’re working on the Rabbit.”

“Sure,” I agreed easily. “There should be room in the back, if Embry and Quil don’t mind sitting on top of the big packs of paper towels.”

Quil stuck his head around the side of the truck with perfect timing, “You stocking up for the apocalypse?”

I gave a sheepish laugh. “Feels like it, but no. I’m stocking up for—” I froze, remembering Jacob and Sam’s confrontation on the beach.

“Your new boyfriend?” Jacob finished my sentence bitterly.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I corrected, and the hurt in my chest panged. Why does everyone assume I’m jumping back into a relationship?

“He’s been watching Embry, you know.” Jake accused. “It was bad enough when it was just Paul, but now it feels like it’s just a matter of time – no one’s safe.”

I bit the inside of my lip. I hated having to lie to Jacob about this, too. Not forever, though, I assured myself. Sam and Jared think Jake’s pretty likely to be in the know sooner or later. To Jacob, I tried to assure, “I’m sure it’s not like that. It’s probably nothing nefarious.”

That earned me a glare. “You’re not smarter than me just because you have a bigger vocabulary.”

My mouth dropped open for a moment as I pulled into the Blacks’ driveway. “You think I’m trying to be smarter than you?”

“You don’t know everything, Bella,” Jacob didn’t answer my question. “I don’t need you trying to explain the guys to me. I live here. I know what’s going on.”

No you don’t. I hung my head, listening to the thumps as Embry and Quil jumped out of the back. When I heard their chatter move toward the garage, I reversed and retraced my route back to Sam’s.

-*-*-*

“You’re still here?” Sam’s voice was tired, surprised, and also … appreciative?

I looked up from my textbook, which I’d spread across the kitchen counter while the lasagna baked. “No, I’m back. I hope you don’t mind.” I’d unloaded the supplies into Sam’s house yesterday, then hung around cleaning and tidying for a few hours before I remembered that it might be days before Paul phased back.

I’d gone home, dropped into a dreamless sleep for a change, and returned as soon as school let out for the day.

“Not at all,” Sam slumped into a seat at the table. “Paul’s taking a nap, but Jared will bring him over for dinner in an hour or two.”

I marked my place and turned to face the tall man. “Jake said you’ve been keeping an eye on Embry.”

A frustrated sigh escaped Sam before he quickly corrected, “That wasn’t directed at you. Yes, Embry seems to be in the early stages – which is a real puzzle because no one knows who his father is. He wasn’t really on our radar because relatively few families are known to have the wolf gene, and because anger could be a normal sign of being a teenager. But it’s starting to be obvious that it’s more than that.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I changed the subject. “I’m trying to stock you up on meals that can keep in the fridge, so you’ll all have food that can be warmed up quickly during the week when I can’t be out here everyday.”

Sam offered me a warm smile. “I don’t want to become a burden. You don’t need to cook for us – and you don’t need to clean for me, either.” He chuckled at my wide-eyed confusion, tapping his nose. “I can smell the chemicals, though it’s dissipated enough that I’d guess they were used yesterday.”

“You caught me,” I offered him a sheepish smile. “But don’t think I’m doing it out of obligation. I just….” I paused, trying to figure out the words. “Everything is easier around you. I don’t know if it’s because you know the truth about what They are, or because you’re just easy to get along with, or if it’s just a change of scenery with fewer memories, but whatever the cause, it’s just easiest to exist when I’m here.” With you, I didn’t say or examine too closely, even in the deepest recesses of my mind.

Dark eyes studied me, trying to determine the truth of my statement. Finally, Sam seemed to accept my words. “In that case, you’re always welcome. My spare key is in the window box to the left of the porch, but the backdoor is rarely locked. I’m glad you feel safe here.”

Is it about safety? The legends said that wolves were the natural enemy of vampires, so if I needed protecting, I didn’t doubt Sam could do it.

The timer dinged, and I stood quickly, tripping as my sneaker caught the leg of the chair. Sam caught me before I could hit the floor, tugging me securely into his body.

“Oof.” His hand caught my ribs and forced an exhale as I got my bearings. With my wits about me once more, I stood again and moved to turn off the timer and turn off the oven. The lasagna would keep just fine until Paul got here. I moved to slice some bread and put it in the oven to warm up.

-*-*-*

“The redhead’s back!” Jared’s voice was urgent as he burst in through the backdoor, totally naked.

Sam and I looked up. We’d pulled out a weathered puzzle from his creaky games cabinet and started assembling it while we waited for Paul and Jared to join us. “Where?” Sam demanded, and it was the first time I saw him in his full position as leader.

“We caught her scent on the trees closest to the cliffs,” Jared spoke rapidly. “Paul got really amped up over the scent, so he’s taking an extra lap. But we didn’t actually find her.”

“A redhead?” I spoke as quickly as the picture formed in my mind. “A redhead vampire woman?”

Both wolves nodded. “She’s been circling in and out across our borders. Figuring out what land is ours and what is on the Cullens’ side of the treaty line.”

I’ll need more clarification on that later, I made a mental note. “Do you know what she’s looking for?” My eyes locked on Sam’s, and my heart was hammering in my throat. Of all the times for my heart to come back. When he shook his head, I continued. “I think I do. Me.”

“What?” Jared guided me into a chair, dropping down to one side of me, while Sam crouched next to me on the other.

Sucking in a deep breath and clenching my fists against the edge of my seat, I told them of the baseball game, our escape to Phoenix, and even being bitten before James was killed. That was the moment Sam, who had been hovering next to me protectively, burst out the backdoor.

“What’s with him?” A new person stood in the doorway for a moment, before entering the kitchen.

“Bella knows who the redhead is and what she wants,” Jared answered, foregoing the introductions.

“The leech-lover.” Paul’s voice trembled as he looked at me.

Jared laid a hand on Paul’s shoulder. “Do you need to go outside? She’s with us now.”

With visible effort, Paul’s shaking subsided. I rewarded him with a small smile. “You boys want lasagna?”

Chapter Text

I ran through the woods, laughing. I could see the wolves flitting between trees like shadows. They were moving slowly enough for me to keep up with them, some sort of a game. The sun shone through the leaves, keeping me warm.

Suddenly, the sun dipped behind a cloud and Edward appeared – dropping out of the trees. His red eyes bore into me, and I was frozen in place. I was frozen, period. Edward stroked my cheek and his skin and mine were the same temperature. Victoria giggled from behind me, and when I turned, she stood next to Sam, who stared at me in horror. “Why? Bella, why did you let him bite you?”

I woke with a start, lightheaded with fear and unable to breathe. Belatedly, I realized that I’d clasped my hands over my mouth in sleep. I stretched my fingers out, wincing. Happy Friday.

I hadn’t been back to La Push since Monday evening. I was too busy with homework, not to mention, I didn’t want to disappear on Charlie – although I suspected he wouldn’t mind as long as I was spending time on the res instead of. Well, there was no comparison, clearly.

Clutching my chest, I pushed into a seated position. What I’d said to Sam about existing the easiest with him proved true in reverse as well. The longer I stayed in Forks the less appetite I had, the harder it was to breathe, and the worse the nightmares got. I checked the time on my phone. 4:07.

If I got up now, I’d be exhausted all day and probably seriously cranky by the time I got to my shift at Newton’s. But sleep wouldn’t be coming back to me after that last dream. I flicked on my lamp. Might as well get some homework done. Maybe I could pick up an extra shift this weekend – goodness knew I needed all the money I could get to keep feeding the pack. But the idea of having money to take care of them dulled in comparison to the idea of actually spending the weekend with them. Where things were simple and I was alive.

-*-*-*

I was right. By the time I pulled on my Newton’s Outfitters shirt and clocked in at 4, my eyes felt like they were made of sandpaper and I was one rude customer away from tears. Lauren had pointedly asked if I’d heard from the Cullens lately, laughing when I hadn’t had an answer for her. I’d been hit in the head with a baseball in gym. And Mike and Jessica were planning a romantic date for over Christmas break.

I want to go on a date. My chest had throbbed as I saw a flash of the meadow, of Him sparkling under the sun as he fed me fruit.

He’s Gone. He’s Gone.

I shoved the drumbeat away savagely. “Stop it.”

“Excuse me?” A middle-aged woman pawing through the sale rack looked up to glare at me.

“No, I’m sorry. I was talking to myself,” I stared fiercely at the counter, fighting tears.

“Well,” the woman started to respond, but was interrupted when the bell on the door chimed.

“You have wolf repellant?”

I looked up, a mock-scowl already on my face. “Go ask the vet.”

Jared grinned at me. “Maybe I will.” He spotted the woman watching us with open disapproval and bared his teeth, a strangely wolf-y action for him to take as a human.

“My goodness!” She turned and rushed from the store.

“That commission was going to make you brownies,” I teased, but my heart wasn’t in it.

The shifter shrugged, walking to the edge of the counter and joking, “I don’t need the calories.” He looked at me for a moment, then opened his arms. “C’mere.”

Gratefully, I stepped into the warm hug. I couldn’t relax all the way, but the bands around my chest loosened a little. Without pulling away, I asked, “Not that I’m not thrilled to see you, but what brings you down to my neck of the woods?”

Jared was positively beaming as he let me go. “We’re celebrating; you’re invited. After you get off work, come over to Third Beach for a cookout.”

“Sure,” I acquiesced. “What are we celebrating?”

“Paul lasted a whole day without rage-phasing. And.” The normally bright teen was suddenly bashful. “I found my imprint.”

I gave him an ineffectual shove. “And you didn’t lead with that? What’s she like?”

His eyes danced as he described Kim, the moment he first saw her, and how good it felt that she agreed to hang out at the cookout. “Sam and the Council are explaining the imprint to her now, and I was making them all tense, so they told me to go away. Hope you don’t mind, but you’re ‘away.’”

That earned him at least the impression of a laugh. “I don’t mind at all. I’m so happy for you.”

Poor Sam. I couldn’t even imagine how it must feel to watch a brother have the level of joy that was cruelly denied to him. At least I’ll never have to watch Him move on to a new relationship. One he actually wants. It was a small consolation to the aching hole in my chest.

My shift at Newton’s dragged a little less after Jared left. I still felt a little weak, but at least I didn’t have to fight for every breath. As soon as I flipped the closed sign, I was out of my scratchy uniform shirt and across the street to the corner store to buy four family sized bags of chips. I wasn’t hungry, but I figured a bag each for the wolves and a bag for Kim and anyone else who happened along over the course of the evening.

As I shifted into park along the street across from Third Beach, I noticed Sam perched on a rock, staring out at the ocean.

“You here to help me carry all these chips?” I interrupted his thoughts, knowing they couldn’t be anything good.

The alpha gave me a grateful but sad smile. “Sure, Bella.” He crossed the street to scoop up the grocery bags in one large hand.

I caught his wrist. “You don’t have to be strong for me.” I’d expected another small smile, maybe an “I know.” What I got instead was two arms full of feverish man as Sam cried into my shoulder. My heart ached for him; I held him tighter because it was the only thing I could do. I tilted my head to rest against his, rubbing his bare back. As he shook against me, I was ashamed to realize I could breathe again. My icy veins were thawing out, and the headache that had plagued me for the last two days started drifting away.

“I am happy for him,” Sam started as he finally pulled away from me.

“You don’t have to explain it to me,” I offered him a gentle smile. “You know I get it; I’ve been thinking about it since Jared told me.”

Sam nodded, picked back up the bags of chips, and then offered me his other arm. “Don’t die on your way down to the beach, okay?”

I looped my arm through his, leaning on him to steady myself as we navigated the uneven terrain. We’d just reached the edge of the beach, when Paul charged us from the side.

“Paul!” Sam’s voice was a stern warning, but it was of no use as Paul scooped me up over his shoulder, stole the chips from Sam, and took off down the beach.

“You were moving too slow,” Paul called back to Sam with a hint of challenge in his voice.

I dug my nails into Paul’s back in retaliation. “Put me down!” The ground stopped blurring past us, and I was unceremoniously dropped onto a blanket next to the bonfire they already had burning.

“In Paul’s defense,” Jared grinned lazily from where he perched next to a beautiful teen girl, “Sam did tell us we weren’t allowed to eat until you got here.”

“And Sam has less of a stick up his ass when you’re around,” Paul’s mouth was already full of barbeque chips. He tossed a bag of sour cream and cheese to Jared, then tossed me the salt-and-vinegar. “Those are Sam’s favorite.”

“How do you know?” I set the bag down next to me, not questioning that Sam would find his way to my side when he joined us.

“Shared mind.” Jared made a face that was equal parts wish-it-weren’t and what-can-you-do.

Both wolves straightened their posture minutely as Sam finally dropped onto the blanket with me, and I saw how their response – looking up to Sam – put unintended pressure on him. His shoulders were slightly stiffer, and our proximity allowed me to see tiny tension lines around his eyes.

As if sensing my observation, Sam turned to me, catching my eye and offering me a small smile. He pulled open the bag of chips and bumped his shoulder against mine, “Thank you for taking care of us.”

“It’s what she do!” Jared and Paul responded in unison, and then howled in laughter.

“You’re all dumb,” I retorted primly, but the effect was spoiled when Jared threw a chip at me and I almost toppled into the fire trying to catch it in my mouth.

This is what normal feels like. The thought struck like lightning as Sam pulled me away from the fire and deposited me back next to him, hip-to-hip. I sucked in a deep breath, testing, and met no resistance from my body. Everything was working as it should be.

Chapter Text

“Wha?”

I’d been woken up by my phone rather than a nightmare, which made a nice change. But it was still undoubtedly too early to be awake on a school day.

“Are you okay?”

I didn’t need more than that to know who was calling me, even though I hadn’t seen the caller ID. The honey that soothed the edges of my chest was enough. “I’m fine, Sam. Why?”

“Jared and Paul tracked the redhead into Forks. When they told me, I worried she might have gotten to you.”

Rationally, I knew a locked window would hardly stop Victoria, but I double-checked it anyways as I repeated, “I’m fine, Sam.”

“Jared’s on his way to your house. I’m going to have someone watch it whenever you’re there.”

I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t necessary, but over weeks of me spending more time with the Pack, I’d learned that he considered me firmly in the group of “people I’m responsible for.” I didn’t love feeling like a burden, but I appreciated the help keeping Charlie safe. And I still breathed easier with the Pack than in Forks.

“How’s Embry?” The newest pack member had phased only three days ago, and despite a rocky start was adapting quickly.

“Good, good,” I could hear Sam’s smile. “Looking forward to your beef stew tonight.”

I groaned internally. “Please tell me you haven’t been building it up; I’d hate to let him down.”

A chuckle, then Sam defended himself, “It’s not my fault he saw us remember how good it was. We didn’t say a word.”

“I don’t believe you,” I rolled my eyes and relaxed back into my pillows.

We sat in a companionable silence for a moment before Sam spoke again, “Will Charlie be mad if he wakes up and finds Jared in your house?”

“It’ll be fine,” I assured. “He can come through the window and hang out in my room, like Edward always did.”

Sam hummed in agreement, and I froze. It was the first time I’d been able to say his name, let alone think of him so casually. The realization brought a pain so severe I couldn’t move, couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe.

“Bella, come back to me.” Sam’s warm honey voice broke through my thoughts, and I got the impression that it wasn’t the first time he’d spoken my name. I gasped, and Sam was in my ear, “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Look out your window and see if Jared is there?” Sam requested. “I’ll feel better when I know you’re safe.”

With shaky legs, I crossed my bedroom, peering into the darkness. Two eyes reflected back from the woods at the edge of our yard. I waved, and Jared’s distinctive dark gray muzzle emerged from the shadows, followed by the rest of his hulking form. “Yeah, I see him,” I assured Sam, flicking the latch of the window open in a clear invitation.

“Good,” Sam’s voice was more relaxed. “I’ll see you tonight. Have a great day, Bells.”

“See you tonight,” I echoed, disconnecting the call as Jared climbed silently through my window. “Need a shirt?”

Jared shrugged, then wrinkled his nose. “What’s that smell?”

“What smell?” I dug an oversized shirt out of my closet just in case. I’d need to go to the thrift shop and buy more if the wolves were going to be hanging out here more often.

“Like burnt, rotten sugar,” Jared’s answer was matter-of-fact. He opened his arms, and I moved immediately to give him a hug. I tensed when I realized he was smelling my hair; I jerked away. Jared had the curtesy to explain at least, “You always smell a little bit like that – like leech – but I thought it was just integrated into your scent after months with Cullen. But this is – more concentrated?”

I tensed. Had Victoria been in my room without my knowledge? Was there a vampire in my house right now?

Jared had the same thought, as he tucked me between his body and the wall. He took a few deep breaths, moved to crack open my bedroom door, and took another breath. Then he knelt in the center of my floor. “I think you’re safe,” he gave me a half-smile as he grabbed a metal letter opener, and wedged it between two boards.

There was a dull crack as the board lifted, and we both froze. When Charlie didn’t come bursting through the door, Jared shifted the flooring out of the way. “Shit.”

“What?” I crept closer, careful not to trip or stumble. I didn’t want to do anything that might alert Charlie to my early-morning guest.

Reaching into the opening, Jared pulled out piles of CDs, photos, everything that I thought Edward had taken with him when he left. I stared at the piles, fingers pressing to my lips in confusion and dread. He never did anything without a reason, so what’s going on?

“I have a theory,” Jared spoke quietly. “Is it okay if I take this stuff with me and check with Sam and the Council? Hopefully we’ll have an explanation by the time we see you tonight.”

“Well, I certainly don’t want it,” I retorted, surprised by the words coming out of my mouth, so much more cavalier than I was feeling.

Jared gave me an approving nod. “If you want more sleep before school, I can pack this up and then hang out in the yard until you leave.”

I shook my head. “I’m not going to be able to sleep, so you can entertain me instead. Did you and Kim have a good time hiking on Sunday?”

-*-*-*

I was shocked by the open relief Sam wore when he saw me pull up outside his house that evening. It was an emotion I was used to feeling by now, every time I was around the Pack, and especially Sam, but I hadn’t known it was mutual until that moment.

I’m not a burden. I’m one of his people. He picked me.

I climbed out of the truck, and by the time I reached for the grocery bags I’d brought with me, Paul was already carrying them back to the house. I shook my head fondly at him. “Moving faster isn’t going to make it cook faster,” I chided.

“Fuck you,” he returned with amusement, “I’m hungry.”

Catching up to him in the kitchen, I handed him a large Tupperware of cookies. “Dessert first then. Share with your brothers.”

Totally comfortable in Sam’s kitchen by now, I started cooking immediately. The stew would take a while to cook, and I knew better than to expect a few dozen cookies to hold off four hungry wolves for long.

It was only a few moments before Sam joined me. “Billy’s going to be joining us, too, so he can explain the significance of your find this morning.”

“I better make extra biscuits,” I thought out loud. Without prompting, Sam moved to pull out the ingredients I would need. “Thanks,” I smiled easily at him, then moved into his space to fold him into a hug.

He wrapped his arms around me, grateful for the unspoken support. I knew he valued having someone to share the burden of taking care of the pack. Maybe that was why he was relieved to know I was safe – the burden wasn’t all on his shoulders when I was around. That doesn’t give his heart enough credit.

“How long til dinner?” Embry stuck his head into the kitchen, curls trimmed but still longer than most of the other wolves wore their hair.

“It’ll be ready when it’s ready,” Sam tossed a salt shaker at Embry’s head. “Don’t nag.”

Embry caught the shaker out of the air and moved to set it on the table. “I wasn’t asking you.” It was so rare that any of the boys showed Sam any real disrespect, that my shock almost drowned out the second half of his sentence. “I was asking PackMama.”

Slowly, I turned away from the stove to look at Sam. I couldn’t have heard that correctly. Surely he’d clarify for me. Instead, he ducked his head and I could see a blush high on his cheeks.

“PackMama?” I echoed, raising my eyebrows at Embry.

Jared and Paul were cackling from the living room, and I grabbed my wooden spoon in an attempt to look intimidating. “Care to explain, boys?”

“Well you are,” Jared pretended to hide behind Kim’s tiny frame. “You feed us, check in on us—”

“And if we accept the alpha as the head of the Pack…” Paul trailed off with a filthy grin. “Sam’s the dad and his partner is the mom.”

I rapped him lightly with my spoon. “You know we aren’t dating.”

“Sure, sure,” Paul poked me back, “but it started as a joke, and every time I said it Sam got real bashful and awkward about it, so it continued as a way to tease him.”

“Embry picked it out of our brains, I guess, without realizing it was a joke,” Jared concluded.

I turned and walked back into the kitchen. I was silently pleased to know how integral I was to the pack. It was the type of centrality I’d always sought from the Cullens but never achieved. I stirred the stew pot, adding some spices and winking at Sam as he propped his hip against the counter and watched. “Ten minutes to supper; boys, set the table.”

“Yes, PackMama,” they chorused, testing my reaction. Sam and I both laughed and blushed, but it was a good feeling. This is what it feels like to be alive.

Naturally, setting the table took three wolves about ten times longer than it would have taken any one of them individually, so we were barely sitting down to eat by the time Billy hollered to be let in.

I served stew and biscuits to everyone as Billy settled at the table, and when that was all done, I looked at him. “It’s really good to see you, Billy.”

The man who’d seen me grow up smiled fondly at me. “You, too, Bella. I’m sorry you haven’t been able to come round the house lately – Jake is having a hard time with the transition.”

“I certainly can’t blame him, from what I’ve heard,” I gestured around the table.

Sam set his spoon down with some strength, looking at Billy. “With all due respect, can we make small talk after we find out what that stash in Bella’s room means?”

Luckily, Billy took no offense. “Naturally, let’s cut to the chase.” He looked around the table, then settled on watching me. “I’m not sure if the Cullens ever told you, but everything about a vampire is meant to lure humans, their prey, in. Their looks, their humanlike movements, and even their scents.”

“Okay,” I realized I was white-knuckling the edge of the table and purposely relaxed my fingers. “I’m with you so far.”

“In fact, their scents are one of their most powerful tools. Their venom lulls the reasoning center of the brain into a false sense of security. It means that humans don’t realize they’re being attacked until it’s too late. In your case, it was like – keeping you in a fog.”

“My schoolwork didn’t suffer.” I wasn’t questioning Billy, merely seeking clarification.

“It wouldn’t, necessarily.” Billy made a face. “We’re not really sure, but we think it triggers a fake calm much deeper than that, in a much older area of the brain.”

“Like focusing on a jigsaw puzzle and not realizing the room is on fire around you?” Sam offered, covering my hand on the table where it was clenched again.

“Something like that, I suppose,” Billy agreed. “The thing we know for sure is that their scents linger for months. Not only were the Cullens doping you with their scents everyday when they were in Forks, by leaving those items behind, drenched in the scent of his venom, he was essentially creating a hot box for you to dose yourself every night as you slept.”

“Why?” Jared asked. “I mean, I think Bella’s great and generally want her to stick around, but I wouldn’t drug her to keep her here.”

“I’m his singer,” I spoke as I thought. “Sam, you said the Cullens didn’t leave when Edward told me they did. He must have had more trouble convincing them to go than he expected. But he wanted them out of the way, so that he could come back on his own. I’d still be ‘dosed’ not to question his return, and he’d be able to whisk me away.”

“Singer?” Paul growled, and I knew his confusion was fueling his frustration; Paul was used to being the smartest guy in the room.

“My blood smells the best to him. It’s … exactly his brand of heroin, as he described.” I let that sink in for a moment.

“And you dated this pretentious asshat?” Embry looked like he was doubting my sanity.

Sam squeezed my fingers. “To be fair, she was apparently drugged at the time.”

“But it’ll wear off?” I sought reassurance. “Now that the stuff is out of my room, it’ll dissipate over time?”

Billy nodded. “Quicker if we let your room air out.”

“And leave a neon entry way for Victoria to get into the house and kill Charlie?” I couldn’t believe Billy was even suggesting such a thing.

“There’s a game on tonight, and I have a doctor’s appointment in the morning. Charlie will spend the night if I ask, and that gives us until at least tomorrow afternoon before either of you are in danger.”

“We’ll go through the house with you tomorrow after school and make sure there are no nasty surprises for you,” Embry offered, relieved to be some help.

Sam and I exchanged a glance, each weighing the plan. I thought it was passable, and it seemed he agreed, because he nodded. I squeezed his hand. “Let’s do it.”

Chapter Text

“Bells,” Sam called from the living room, “I need you to go into the bathroom and lock the door for me.”

I’d been in the kitchen making enough dough for personal pizzas – one each for me and Kim, four each for the boys – in preparation for our Friday night movie night. But at Sam’s warning I immediately ran down the hall to follow his directions.

The bathroom window had a decent view of the backyard, and I probably could have seen what was going on if I’d looked, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. More and more the wolves were getting into skirmishes with Victoria and her helpers and coming back injured. I couldn’t bear to see any of them in bad enough shape that Sam would purposely get me out of the way.

“Where the hell is Bella?”

Jacob? It had been weeks since he’d even agreed to speak to me on the phone, but I still recognized his voice. The Pack had been keeping a close eye on him, ready to intervene at any moment if it looked like he was about to lose control and rage-phase.

Sam’s response was too quiet for me to make out, but Jacob’s explosive “Bullshit!” was not. I sat on the edge of the tub and listened to his scream. “My dad told me she’s here all the time, and I want to know why! Why she suddenly joined your gang, and Embry, when they’re the smartest people I know and they wouldn’t do that and how dumb are you to bring in a girl whose father is a chief of police when you’re up to no good.”

I made out my father’s name as Sam spoke again, but not more than that.

“Let me talk to her!” The scream was so anguished it sounded like Jacob was in physical pain, and a moment later there was ferocious snarling. A shadow passed the bathroom window, and I risked a glance. Paul had arrived and was helping Sam pin down a thrashing Jacob.

Let’s hope the pack mind helps, instead of escalating it, I sighed. I’d seen enough of both, fights sometimes were resolved within thirty seconds on patrol together, but other times they became wounds that took days to heal. Luckily, no one seemed capable of holding a grudge against a pack brother, so things always sorted out within a few days.

The snarls had subsided outside, and I looked out the window again. All three wolves had disappeared into the woods. I moved back into the kitchen.

“Was it Jacob?” Kim’s voice startled me as she walked through the front door.

“Yes,” I handed her a stack of dishes, “Can you get all the toppings out in separate bowls?”

Kim complied happily; to my observation she was always happy around the Pack and Jared, but she was only allowed to join us on weekends. She shook pepperoni out of the package into a dish, and asked, “So I get why you and Sam didn’t start dating right away, but it’s been what, five months? What’s your excuse now?”

My grip faltered on the knife where I’d been slicing bell peppers and I nicked two of my knuckles. "What are you talking about?”

The pretty young woman put a fist on her hip. “You know what I’m talking about, Ma.” That was my newest nickname, an abbreviation after the boys suffered through the full ‘PackMama’ for about two weeks.

I sighed. While my relationship with Angela was slowly being rebuilt as I came fully out of the funk I’d been in, it had been a long while since I’d had a girl to talk to. Or anything to girl-talk about. “Are you going to tell Jared?”

To her credit, Kim didn’t try to lie. “Oh, I’m sure, eventually. But I’ll try to keep it private as long as I can. You know I can’t lie to him.”

Weighing my options, I nodded. “Okay, that’s good enough for me.” I gave the tomato sauce I was making a good stir, then pushed myself up to sit on the counter. “You know at first, I was way too broken to even think about it. It was a long time before I realized being around Sam made me feel better. A large part of that was, and is, just the fact that he’s the first person I didn’t have to pretend around. We have a lot in common, in the way we see the world, and react to it. And we’ve always been able to understand each other naturally.” I smothered a wide grin that threated to take over my face, but could tell from Kim’s giggles that I didn’t do a good enough job.

“Now, I know that I was benefitting from being around any of the wolves. Their scent was countering Edward’s and helping me get balanced perspective. But Sam’s scent has the same properties as any of the other wolves, so that wouldn’t explain why I felt more at ease and more eager to see him than the rest of them.” This was the part I’d only accepted in the last few days. “So yeah, mutual respect and understanding has definitely grown into something more. I’ve always known he’s attractive, I mean, I have eyes, right? But that’s certainly not where it started for me. I’m not sure when I started to want more with him, but by the time I realized it I’m in too deep to back out now.”

Kim’s eyes were shining with happiness for me, and I wondered why she assumed I’d get the answer I wanted, were I to talk to Sam about my interest in him. You’re an adult, call it what it is.

“Look what Jared got me,” Kim held out her wrist to display a delicate braided leather bracelet with a combined J and K carved into a smooth stone.

I brushed my finger against it. “it’s lovely.”

“Oh.” Kim withdrew her wrist and carried some bowls of different cheeses over to the table. Then, she turned back to me. “You aren’t Quileute.”

Tell me something I don’t know, I wanted to stick my tongue out at her, but restrained.

“You don’t know what it means,” Kim explained, picking up on my exasperation. “In our tribe, a handmade bracelet like this is, essentially, a promise ring. Jared wanted to wait until Valentine’s Day, but he was so excited when he finished it that he gave it to me early.

“Congratulations, then,” I was grateful to have a better understanding. We exchanged shy smiles just in time to be interrupted by the pack returning.

“Honey, I’m home,” Sam called with a goofy grin.

“If you’re honey, he’s the fly,” Kim murmured, not quietly enough to go unheard.

I sent her an exasperated look, but moved to give Sam the hug I knew he was asking for. My heart pounded as he enfolded me in a warm embrace and rested his chin against the top of my head. “Welcome back.”

Around us Kim was directing the boys to make and bake their pizzas, instructing them that I’d done all the prep work and deserved an evening off. I was grateful, especially since it meant I could stay in Sam’s hug until he was ready to release me.

“You were standing over a hot stove,” Sam rubbed a hand down my arm. “How are you so cold?”

I gaped at him, a plan quickly forming in my mind. “You think I’m cold?” I nonchalantly tugged my long sleeves up to bare my hands. “I’ll show you cold!” I pressed my freezing fingers to his chest. He made an exaggerated shocked face, and I laughed as I pulled my hands away, but he caught them in his own.

“For real, you’re freezing,” he frowned a little at me. “C’mon, let’s find you a sweater.” He kept hold of my hands, pinning them against his sides as we walked down the hall. By the time we’d reached his closet, my fingers were already feeling better. He bent and fished around a box at the bottom of his closet for a moment while I tried to be subtle while I stared at his butt. He stood, and I averted my eyes to his nightstand.

It was far from the first time I’d been in his room, since most of the time when I stayed overnight I slept in his bed and he crashed on the couch, but I’d never noticed the picture before. It was us, on a blanket next to a bonfire. His face was ducked toward me and I was grinning up at him. The fire gave both of us a golden glow. It could have been taken at any number of our Friday night hangouts, so I didn’t wonder too much when it had been taken. But I wondered at it being next to his bed; the only other picture there was of his mother, who had died when he was young.

“One sweater for Miss Swan,” Sam presented me with a worn pullover.

“A dress, I think you mean,” I teased as I tugged it over my head. The sleeves hung down far below my fingertips and it smelled of him. Although I knew that each of the wolves’ scents had similar properties for counteracting vampires, I still thought Sam smelled best. The most like home.

“Put a sock on the doorknob,” Paul hollered at us as he passed the doorway to go to the bathroom.

“Avert your eyeballs, son,” I hollered back.

Embry, Jared, and Kim broke into peals of laughter back in the kitchen.

Sam stared at me for a long moment, then pulled me into another hug. “Thank you for taking them just as they are. They’d be totally unmanageable without you.”

I squeezed around his waist and peered up at him. Our faces were so close. Kiss him! I cleared my throat. “Sure, there’d be hunger strikes on a daily basis.” I bonked my forehead against his shoulder. “For real, Sam, I am going to have to get another job if I keep feeding your hooligans.”

“I think they’re our hooligans.” Sam dropped his arms but captured my hand to bring me back out to the group. “We-”

“Bella.” Jake’s voice was full of too many emotions to identify.

I grinned at him, reaching to give him a hug. He didn’t return it with the enthusiasm I’d expected, but I didn’t take it personally. “See, not a gang!”

His dark eyes bored into mine, until he realized I was joking. He shrugged, “Jury’s still out. But the transform-into-a-giant-wolf thing is a pretty convincing argument.”

“Pepperoni and sausage?” I asked, moving toward the table. “It’s your first night, take a seat.”

Chapter Text

“Were we expecting anyone to join us?” I wedged my toes under Sam’s thigh, stealing his heat, and turned a page in the book I was re-reading.

Valentines’ Day had fallen on a Friday, and I’d offered to make unlimited grilled cheeses for anyone who showed up for game night, but it was 9 already and we had no takers.

Sam tugged my feet into his lap and then tugged the blanket off the back of the couch and over my lap. “Obviously we weren’t expecting Jared and Kim. I think Paul is out with …Tiffany…? He wasn’t about to give up Valentines’ to hang with us. Jacob and Embry said, and I quote, ‘Our Valentines horror movie marathon is a six year tradition, we’re going to Quil’s come hell or high water.’”

I snorted. “The fact that he’s showing more and more signs of phasing is an added bonus, right? They can pretend they’re doing pack duty and play video games at the same time.”

“Exactly,” Sam dug his thumb into the arch of my foot and I squirmed. “Have you ever gone cliffdiving?”

Who does he think I am, Evil Kanivil? I nudged his leg with my toes, “You know I haven’t. It sounds terrifying.” I watched Sam’s eyes trace from my foot, up my leg, and eventually to my eyes. His gaze was teasing, and I shook my head. “Absolutely not.”

“C’mon,” he chided. “You know I won’t let anything happen to you, and we’ll wait until the weather warms up.”

He had a point. With the painstaking care he was taking to keep me safe from Victoria, he wouldn’t be suggesting this if he thought I was in any danger. Washington Girl Evades Vampire, Impales Herself on Rocks. I wiggled my feet on his lap, prompting him to continue the foot rub. “Fine. But not until the weather warms up.”

Deep brown eyes lit up and the tiny tension lines disappeared. “It’s a date.”

-*-*-*

I was enjoying a lazy afternoon on the couch, waiting for Charlie to get off work so we could order pizza and watch the news together like we did every Thursday, when the front door thudded open. I bolted upright, immediately on alert and reaching for the closest heavy object, which happened to be a fish-shaped book end from the DVD shelf.

“We got her!” Jacob crowed, leaping over the back of the couch to land next to me. He took in my weapon of choice and guffawed. “What were you going to do, hook me to death?”

My chest loosened; with Victoria and her cronies still at large I was anxious every moment I spent in Forks. Jacob’s words caught up with me. “You got Victoria?”

“Yes.” Warm, home, hope. Love.

I strained to look past Jake and saw Sam, Embry, and Jared crowding the entryway. I tilted my head, wordlessly inviting them in. “Congratulations, say you’ll stay for dinner?” My heart was pounding, but I wanted to hold it together in front of the boys. If I broke down and admitted how afraid I’d been, they’d all be filled with guilt for how long it took them to kill her and for having any fun at all in the months it had taken.

Embry and Jacob exchanged skeptical looks, and I laughed. “Pretend to eat like normal teenaged boys, and when you go home you’ll find two pans of parmesan-crusted chicken in the freezer.” Home. That word had held a lot of meanings for me over the last few years – Phoenix, Forks, Edward. Now it meant a worn little cottage at the edge of the woods, with the pack alpha inside.

Suddenly, I was overcome with emotion. I’m so happy to be alive. I’m so happy I get to stay alive. I had to excuse myself, “I’ll be right back with shirts.”

I bounded up the stairs as quickly as I could and retrieved four shirts from the bag under my bed, each of them was big enough to be a nightgown on me, but they were perfect for the hulking wolves who were, by the sound of it, currently wrestling on my living room floor.

“You’re safe.”

Knowing Sam was here to take care of me, I let the tears fall, crumpling into his arms and burying my face in his chest. I could hear his heartbeat against my ear and closed my eyes.

Of course, he caught me, pulled me into him even more firmly. “You’re safe,” he repeated against the top of my head, and I felt hot tears fall into my hair. “I’ve got you.”

“There’s no getting rid of me now,” I joked with a hiccup.

Sam’s fingers tangled into my hair and he pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Somehow, I think I can live with that.” He tensed for a moment, and I wondered if he expected rejection. Does he really not know how desperate I am for any breadcrumbs from him? “For one thing, we’d starve,” he joked weakly.

The familiar joke brought us back onto even footing, and I wiped my eyes. “Thank you for protecting me.”

“You, anytime. Anyone else, once, and then they have to pay us. Like the mafia.” His eyes stayed gentle despite the quip, and I offered him a tender smile in return. Sam caught my hands and gave them a squeeze, then grabbed a handful of shirts. “C’mon, we need to get our hooligans dressed before your dad gets home.”

“Sentences that should never be uttered,” Jared called up the stairs with a grin. I could see the relief in his shoulders, in Jacob’s laugh, in Embry’s posture. We were all free from the burden of Victoria.

Chapter Text

Sam’s fingers danced across my collarbone as I rested my head in his lap. It wasn’t exactly warm, but it wasn’t exactly cold either, and with a couple weeks with no vampires under our belts, we’d declared a no-patrol day so we could all hang around Third Beach.

“You okay?” Sam checked in, mistaking my goosebumps for cold and not sheer enjoyment. We still hadn’t had the type of conversation that probably needed to happen, but we were certainly getting more tactile. On Taco Tuesday, Quil had studied us carefully, before asking, “Are you sure imprints don’t share their mates’ mind?”

That had sparked an interesting discussion between Billy and Harry Clearwater over imprints versus chosen mates. Over the years imprints had proven pretty rare, and there seemed to be very little difference between those relationship and ones of choice, aside from the intensity of the first meeting. The word ‘mate’ had been thrown around casually, an accepted term of wolf culture, apparently. But it had been buzzing around my brain ever since.

I blinked up at Sam, smiling. “Never better.”

“You’re not cold?”

I nudged him in the stomach, he was wearing a shirt today and it felt strange to have so little of his skin on display for me to enjoy. “With you around? Not likely.”

“Still up for cliffdiving?” Sam’s fingers carded through my hair. I’d trimmed it, but there was still enough length for him to sift through.

Pressing my head up into his hand like a cat, I considered. “Not today, too comfy.”

Sam chuckled. “You know it’s only a matter of time before I get called into their football game, right? You can’t use me as a pillow forever.”

“Watch me.” I rolled over, still using his thigh as a pillow but now surveying the pack, strewn about the beach. Most of the boys were, indeed, playing football. Kim and Paul’s current girlfriend were on a blanket painting their toenails. Further down the beach, another group was building a fire.

“Tomorrow, then?” Sam got the conversation back on track. “You can come back if it’s not raining?”

I patted his knee lazily. “I’ll just stay the night. I swear, Charlie doesn’t even expect to see me on weekends anymore. I walked in last Saturday afternoon and thought he was having a heart attack at the sight of me.”

“Fine by me,” Sam reached for a soda and popped it open one-handed, then passed it to me when I raised my hand.

“Ma, let Sam come play,” Embry jogged over to us.

The alpha gave me a knowing look, and I pinched him sharply in retaliation for the unspoken ‘I told you so.’

“Oh my god, you’re worse than Jared and Kim,” Embry complained, gesticulating impatiently toward the football game.

“Don’t talk back to your mother,” I scolded, wagging a finger at him playfully. As they ran back to the game, I smiled to myself. How could things possibly get better?

-*-*-*

I woke the next morning to the foreign feeling of being completely refreshed. I yawned wide enough to crack my jaw, then shifted to stretch my back.

“Morning, sleeping beauty.”

It was only then that I realized Sam was sitting on the bed, holding a tray with fruit salad, toast, and eggs. “Morning, yourself,” I pushed myself to sit against the headboard. “Did you make this?”

Sam handed me the tray, then retrieved a mug of coffee off the floor to hand me. “No, I bribed the kitchen fairies.”

The coffee burned my tongue as I took the first sip, and I gave Sam a slow smile. “Don’t knock it; if vampires and spirit wolves exist, who’s to say fairies don’t?”

“If they do, I don’t want to know,” his eyes were laughing at me as he stole a piece of toast.

I strained to see out the window. “Are we cliffdiving today?” I pushed my hair out of my face impatiently while trying to balance my coffee mug and the food.

Sam darted forward to move my hair out of my eyes for me. “We’ll need to do it sooner rather than later,” he shifted so he was sitting against the headboard next to me, our shoulders brushing companionably. “There’s a storm rolling in, and if we wait too long the undertow will be too strong for me to take you.”

Never going to risk me, I thought contently. But never overprotective or controlling.

I could feel the goofy grin plastered across my face, and tilted my head onto Sam’s shoulder so he couldn’t see.

“Eat, Bells,” Sam chuckled at my early morning antics. When I didn’t move, he swiped the fork out of my hand, loaded it with fruit, and held it out for me. He shifted so his arm was around me and I could no longer hide against his shoulder.

I relaxed under the familiar warmth of his skin and the less familiar weight of his muscular arm draped over my shoulders. He fed me another bite of fruit before I stole the fork back. “So after we jump off a cliff, what’s next on the agenda? Any Pack business need attending today?”

“Nope,” Sam twirled my hair around his fingers, and he looked as relaxed as I felt. I was glad I could offer him that – relaxation, one person he could be all of himself around. “Or,” he corrected, “nothing that Jared can’t handle.”

“Well, good,” I cleaned the last of the fruit of our plate, “you deserve a day off.”

Sam washed the plate and our mugs while I got dressed for the day, pulling on one of Sam’s neglected t-shirts under my flannel. When I joined him in the kitchen, he had a backpack over one shoulder. “Ready?” He held out his hand and wiggled his fingers, and I giggled as I grasped his hand.

We took my truck out to the cliffs, knowing we had the rest of the day to wander on foot if the mood struck. Plus, Sam had reminded me I would probably want the heater after our dip in the ocean. When I pulled off the side of the road, Sam gave me a near predatory grin. “Layers off, sweetheart.”

I gaped at him as he quickly stripped off his cut offs and grabbed the backpack off the floorboard; I tried not to stare as he dashed across the road to deposit it on the beach where we’d be coming out of the water. Get it together, I gave myself a mental shake and pulled off my flannel, folding it into the truck.

“I don’t want you weighed down unnecessarily if I lose my grip on you,” Sam explained as he appeared at my shoulder.

The thought of him holding me tight against himself while we jumped lit up my cheeks, and I cursed the knowledge that he could hear how my heart leapt at the thought. “I get it,” my voice was husky. I kicked off my sneakers, too, then looked at him expectantly.

His eyes flitted up and down my body, and he reached out to fist his hand in the fabric of his shirt next to my hip. “It’ll do,” he rubbed his thumb against my ribs with a tender look. Then, the moment was gone, and his hand was wrapped around mine as we climbed to the lower of the two cliffs.

“We’ll do the big one next time,” his grin was teasing. He led me right up to the edge. “Is it better to look or not look before we jump?”

I peered down before drawing myself back against his side firmly. “It looks impossibly high. But I know you’re not going to let anything happen to me.”

“Who would feed us?” Sam’s arms curled around my waist and he rocked us from side to side gently. I could feel him take a deep breath, then he stilled.

“Thoughts?” I was surprised that I knew his body language so well, but not at the same time. After all, we were partners, a team. I needed to be able to read his cues so we’d be on the same page with the boys.

“I don’t want to let you go, but we need to be able to run and jump out so we clear the rocks at the base of the cliff.” His fingers curled around my belt loops, holding me where I was while he thought. Finally, he smirked at me, “Ready, Bells?”

“For what?” The words hadn’t even left my mouth by the time Sam backed up, took a running start, and scooped me into his arms as he flew off the edge of the cliff.

I let out a startled whoop, then grabbed onto his arm with both hands. For several impossible moments, we were floating, then the near-freezing water washed over us, shocking us back to reality.

I was only underwater for a second before Sam lifted me above the surface. His head popped up right after, “How was it?” He looped one arm around my waist and started swimming us back to shore; I kicked my legs so I could at least help.

My bare feet slipped on the rocks as we scrambled back onto the beach. “That was wild.” I couldn’t stop smiling, though, as I bent over to ring out my hair.

“I don’t think your hair is the real problem,” Sam laughed, unzipping the backpack and pulling out a dry sweater for me. His eyes widened as I whisked my shirt over my head, swapping it for the sweater. By the time my head emerged from the wool, his gaze was pointedly off into the trees.

I crouched next to the backpack and dug out Sam’s cutoffs, tossing them at his chest. “If I cared whether you saw, I would have asked you to turn around. Now stop standing naked on the beach, you weirdo.”

Sam blushed slightly as he quickly pulled his shorts on. “You warm enough?” He opened his arms, a welcome invitation.

“Never.” I stepped into his embrace and pressed as much of myself against his hot skin as I could, happy for the excuse even though in the sweater I was reasonably comfortable. I felt him press a kiss against the top of my head and melted into him a little more. “Movie?”

“Sure,” Sam scooped me up easily, one hand guiding my legs around his waist. “Gotta get you home and warmed up, first.”

Chapter Text

“Sleepy?” Warm honey pulled me out of my drowsy haze and I blinked up at Sam. We were on the couch watching a movie, and I was sprawled across his chest, using him as my own personal heater.

The moment we walked in the door, Sam had sent me to shower. Halfway through, the bathroom door had cracked open. He’s going to join me! My heart leapt and my stomach clenched, and I couldn’t even muster up embarrassment when I heard him chuckle. He hadn’t joined me, he’d only been leaving me a pair of sweats and a clean t-shirt to change into.

Somehow, his eyes when I appeared dressed entirely in his clothes was even better. And when he beckoned me to lay down with him during the movie? That was the best.

“I was,” I grumbled, bumping his chest with my nose. “But if you’d rather talk, we can.”

Sam’s hand squeezed the back of my neck gently. “I’m just as happy just laying here and watching you sleep.”

I groaned into his skin, shaking my head. “God, Edward used to do that all the time. How did I think it was romantic?” The alpha beneath me grew tense, and I scolded myself internally. “Like, vampires don’t sleep at all. Isn’t it weird to lay next to someone for eight hours and watch them sleep?”

Even that addition didn’t make Sam relax entirely, but he attempted a joke, “I don’t know; we can test it out and I’ll let you know.”

I laughed. “Sounds like a plan.” I rested my head back on his chest. “I don’t think I would mind, with you. It might actually be romantic if it felt less like an obligation or… just a way to kill the time?” My hand traced the vein on his arm, where it flexed to make sure I didn’t fall off the couch. “Not to mention, there was never even a good morning kiss.”

“Well, we can’t have that,” Sam chuckled. His hands slid me up his body slightly, until I had to lift my head. “Good morning.” His lips found mine, warm and tender and full of life. He applied just the right pressure to make sure I had no doubt of his intentions without pressuring me to stay there if I didn’t want to.

I opened my mouth to him. Uncharted territory. He tasted like honey and salt. I’m glad it’s him.

“Okay?” Sam’s lips were against my cheekbone now, next to my ear.

I wedged my elbows on either side of his ribs to prop myself up. “So much better than okay.” I darted down to press a tiny kiss against his mouth, smiling against his skin when I felt a rumble in his chest. “Good?”

“So much better than good,” a playful grin shone up at me. “I wish I could keep you here forever.”

I nodded, snuggling back into his chest. “Me too. I know it started out as a wolf thing, keeping the bad vampire memories away, but I hope you know that’s not what this is.”

Warm fingers tangled in my hair, and Sam guided my lips back up to his. “I know, sweetheart. You know I understand.”

-*-*-*

“Please come in for a minute?” I asked, my fingers tangled comfortably with Sam’s against his thigh. He was driving my truck, taking me home like a proper gentleman who hadn’t been making out with me on the couch for the better part of three hours.

“Sure, sure, Charlie can practice his shovel talk,” Sam lifted our joined hands to press a kiss to the back of mine. He turned onto my street, then slammed on the breaks.

“What?” I strained my eyes but could barely see the outline of a car in the cloudy dusk.

“Vampire,” Sam’s voice was more growl than not, but he let the truck creep forward. “It’s a Cullen, but I never smelled them enough to distinguish scents.”

“No,” the word forced its way out of my throat as my heart sank into my stomach. I tightened my grip on him. “Why?”

Sam pulled into the driveway and put my truck in park, pinching the bridge of his nose. I saw the tension lines appear next to his eyes and hated that I was the one putting them there this time. “Do you recognize the car?”

I peeked out the window and heaved a sigh. “It’s Carlisle’s. Thank goodness.” I squeezed his fingers, “Now you have no choice but to come in with me.”

With a nod, Sam exited the truck, then came around to open my door for me. “It might be your turn to protect me; I know the treaty is unbroken, but vampires and wolves are natural enemies. We might not be able to stay cordial.”

“We’ll do our best to behave,” I gave him a grin, then tucked myself under his arm. Unlocking the door, I exchanged a glance with Sam, then called, “You can come out now.”

“Bella! Hi!” The shortest of the Cullen clan appeared seemingly out of nowhere, rushing me with open arms, only to freeze a foot away. “You have a pet.”

I looped my arm around Sam’s waist, clutching his belt loop. “His name is Sam; babe, this is Alice.” I felt rather than heard Sam suppress a snort at the term of endearment and, honestly, was right there with him. She needs to know his presence is not up for negotiation. If he leaves, I leave.

I took a deep breath and instantly sensed the difference in the air – vampire pheromones, long since cleared out of the house, were fresh again. I looked at Sam quizzically, and he gave me a reassuring squeeze. “You know what to be aware of now.”

“Bella,” Alice persisted, moving forward to hug me. “How are you not dead?”

“Dead?” Sam growled, angling himself between me and Alice subtly. Or, not subtly, judging by the frown she wore.

“You jumped off a cliff!” Alice completely ignored Sam’s question.

Oh. I shrugged, and it felt natural to grin up at Sam as I remembered everything that had unfolded since that moment. “For recreation. Sam wouldn’t let anything happen to me.”

Alice nodded, but it was clear she didn’t believe me. “You can’t trust wolves to have your back.”

My hands shook, and I rolled my shoulders, only then realizing that Sam’s impeccable self-control was failing. I was feeling his trembling. I laid my hand on his chest, over his heart. “You okay?”

“I need some air,” his words were clipped. “If you trust this one, I’ll be on the porch.” He waited for me to nod, then bent, pressing a tender kiss to my lips and squeezing my hip affectionately. “Back in a minute.”

The dark-haired vampire had watched the interaction, and now she smiled sadly. “That explains why I don’t see you as a vampire anymore. But I’m glad you didn’t die, jumping off a cliff. So foolish.”

I shrugged and moved into the kitchen, putting on a simple pasta dinner by rote. Sam never said no to food, and Charlie would be home soon. “You can see that I’m fine, so you can leave.”

“I can’t.” I turned and saw that she was twisting her fingers together. “Edward hasn’t been with the family much lately; he’s too distraught to have left you behind. I don’t think there’s a moment when he hasn’t regretted it. But he recently joined us again. When I had my vision and decided I needed to come back to check on you, he … he caught a glimpse of my thoughts.”

“And?” The boys were so open with their thoughts and feelings that I found myself with very little patience for the slow unfolding of information Alice was giving me.

“He saw you die by suicide – so we thought. He’s on his way to Italy. He’s going to make the Volturri kill him.”

Of all the asinine schemes. “And this involves me why?” I dumped the boxed pasta into the boiling water, then called gently, “Sam, can you come back?”

“For food, always,” he teased as he popped through the door. He touched the back of my waist as he moved past me to pull drinks from the fridge and set the table. So that’s what the boys were seeing when they teased us for being a couple. I sent him an appreciative look over my shoulder, and he paused long enough to kiss my forehead. “Focus, Bells.”

“But you’re more fun,” I whined playfully.

“Bella! Edward is going to kill himself and only you can save him,” Alice reprimanded sharply, and I sensed Sam coil to strike should she snap at me again.

“This isn’t Romeo and Juliet,” I retorted, tired. “He’s a hundred years old; old enough to deal with the consequences of his own decisions.” But even as I spoke, I saw Alice’s lower lip wobble and her eyes fill with venom tears that couldn’t fall. He’s her family. Wouldn’t you move mountains for Jake? Or Jared or Paul or Embry or Quil?

“Right,” Alice’s agreement was barely audible.

I sighed. “No, Alice. I get it. I really do. How much time do I have to decide on a course of action?”

The vampire’s eyes went glassy as she searched for the answer. “If we’re going to make it to Volterra in time, we’ll need to catch the 7:40 flight out of Seattle.”

“In two minutes, take the pasta out and strain it,” I instructed, looping my hand around Sam’s elbow and towing him upstairs to my bedroom where we could pretend to have privacy. When we got there, I collapsed into his arms. “I have to go.”

“I know.”

“If I’m the only one that can save her brother, I owe her that much at least.”

“I know.”

“And this has nothing to do with him; it’s a favor to her. You know that, too?”

Sam’s answering smile was so full of love it took my breath away. “I know, sweetheart. You have to tie up this last loose end; it’s … your responsibility.”

I shook my head. “It’s not. But, I have to try, if I’m going to keep claiming the moral high ground.” We exchanged smiles but managed not to giggle with Alice right downstairs. I frowned. “We should leave sooner rather than later, if we’re going to make it to the airport on time, even with the way Alice drives.”

The alpha nodded, cupping the back of my neck with one warm hand and kissing my head. “I’ll cover with Charlie. Tell him we were making him dinner when Kim called needing a girls’ night. Charlie doesn’t know them well enough to know how unlikely her and Jared fighting would be.”

“A girls’ night? For days on end?”

“Maybe it was a really bad fight.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ll never question where the boys get their poor planning from ever again.” But I was only teasing, because I’d seen Sam run them through drills on more than one occasion and they were a well-oiled machine, and highly strategic thanks to the pack mind.

Sam rubbed his cheek against mine, running his hands all over my back and hips.

“I’m not complaining, but … what?” I pushed him away lightly, but leaned in for a swift little kiss.

The wolf furrowed his brow. “I’m not sure, exactly. Some instinct? My wolf really hates the idea of you going into a city of vampires without his protection.”

“That would be very subtle,” I chuckled, pressing back against him.

“I also…” his voice faltered, and I looked at him. He was looking at me shyly from below his lashes. “I have something for you? I didn’t intend to give it to you yet, but I finished it last week and I feel like you should have it now.”

I watched him, confused, as he dug deep into the pocket of his cutoffs. His hand reemerged and unfolded to reveal—

“Sam!” My fingers brushed the sturdy leather cuff bracelet. It had a hammered metal disc on one side and a sturdy buckle on the other.

“I’m pretty sure not even you can break it, Bells.” He undid the clasp deftly, holding it open until I moved my wrist into place. He buckled it and tucked the loose end into a pocket of the leather. “Good?”

“Perfect.” Tears slid down my cheeks, and I threw my arms around him. How could I ever have thought I was in love before?

“Tick tock,” Alice called up the stairs, loud enough for even me to hear her.

Sam and I exchanged a look of irritation, before I assured, “I’ll be home before you know it. The boys won’t even have time to miss me.” We headed for the stairs as I continued, “You have plenty of meals in your freezer to keep up with Pack metabolism for at least four days, but that’s all I could fit, so if I’m not back by then I’m sure Jared and Embry will come looking.”

“You’re going to owe them at least a lasagna and pan of brownies each for missing tomorrow’s bonfire,” Sam warned me.

I laughed, pressing a kiss to his shoulder as we reached the ground level. “Good thing I have all the time in the world to make it up to them, then.”

Chapter Text

“A wolf, Bella? We never should have left, if your immediate response was to seek out the one thing more dangerous than us.”

I tuned Alice out, determined not to let her sour my mood. My fingers once again found the promise bracelet around my wrist. I smiled as I twisted it around; what I’d thought was a hammered metal disk at first was actually a quarter-sized stamp of the tattoo all the members of the pack had. Marking me so clearly as family. My whole body buzzed with the thought.

“Sam and the boys aren’t more dangerous than you,” I finally cut off Alice’s stream of complaints. “None of them ever brought me into the woods and abandoned me there.” With that final word, I dug a worn paperback out of the tiny backpack Alice had packed me.

Alice sighed, gently pushing the paperback closed. “I know; it’s just a hard adjustment. You were supposed to be my sister and now that door is firmly shut. And you smell, Bella, so, so bad.”

I gave myself a tiny sniff, but could only smell Sam on my shirt. “I smell great.”

“You reek of wet dog.”

-*-*-*

A few hours later, I was regretting all my decisions of the last twelve hours. Why did I ever leave La Push? I lamented, gripping the door of the yellow supercar Alice had ‘borrowed.’ Alice looked, as always, perfectly polished in her hat, scarf, and flesh-colored gloves. I, by comparison, felt extra frumpy in jeans and Sam’s worn long-sleeved shirt that hung half-way to my knees.

“This is as close as we get,” Alice murmured, the car gliding smoothly to a stop at the curb. “See that tower?” She waited until I nodded, “Get there, as fast as you can.”

I gave another nod, swung the door open, and ducked into the crowd, pushing through as quickly as I could be. Luckily the Pack had gotten me used to being jostled around, and I didn’t trip over my own feet. I made one final turn and the square opened up before me.

Edward stood there, in the shadows for now, and wearing a robe.

I broke into a run.

The robe fell to the stones beneath Edward’s feet.

He’s so tiny! I used to be attracted to that? My thoughts distracted me, and my feet faltered. I tripped and started to fall.

Reaching my hand out as far as I could, I managed to slam it into Edward’s chest, startling him into taking a step back before my face met stone. “Ouch.”

“Bella?” Edward’s voice was full of disbelief, and when I pushed myself onto my knees, I saw he was staring at me like I was a ghost.

“Not dead,” I wheezed, quickly diagnosing my own broken wrist where it had slammed into his granite chest.

“Alice saw you—”

“She saw me cliffdiving with my boyfriend,” I corrected weakly. I glanced around, noticing robed figures moving in from all directions. “Should we get going?”

“Too late.”

Minutes later, I was being ushered into an enormous chamber filled with red-eyed vampires. Cool, new nightmare fuel, I mused, but knew that it was unlikely; I had never gotten a nightmare when Sam was near.

I studied the guards around the edges of the room, then turned my focus to the vampires standing front and center. “Alice,” the one in the center beckoned her forward and took her hands. They stood for a second, before his head whipped in my direction. “Really? Curious.”

My fingers traced the symbol on my bracelet and I pretended I was in Sam’s kitchen, in charge – confident but calm, responsible for the Pack in a way I relished. I should have told Sam I love him before I left. The vampire extended a hand to me, and I moved forward carefully.

“You’re injured.”

“Not the first time I’ve been injured in the presence of vampires,” I shrugged, willing my voice to hold steady even though my heart was pounding.

Aro held out his hand, and I laid my injured wrist in it. The cold was a welcome relief. He stared into my eyes for a moment, and I recalled being told that he was some sort of touch-telepath. “It is as you said,” he spoke over me to Alice. “Nothing.” He turned his attention back to me and glanced down at my wrist. “Ah.” He released me.

I took my wrist back, cradling it against my rib cage.

“You belong to someone else.”

I traced the edge of the leather fondly. “Yes.” As I stood in front of the most powerful and ancient vampires in the world, the words came easily. “I am the chosen mate of the alpha of a pack of spirit wolves. I would like to be returned home.”

Aro and I stared at each other for another moment before he turned to one of the guards. “See that it is done; we have a jet available.” The guard gestured for me to follow, and I faltered, looking for Alice. “No, child. The Cullens will stay with us a while longer. But this is private, vampire, business.”

Chapter Text

To my surprise, the guard who brought me to the private jet was courteous and polite. Once he saw me safely ensconced, he directed the pilot to return me to Port Angeles.

So, after a long nap and a complementary meal, I was disembarking and making my way into the baggage area for the second time in as many years.

“Ma,” Paul grinned, hugging me fondly, then pulling away and wrinkling his nose. “You reak.”

“I know; sorry,” I looked past him, searching for the tallest of the pack and not seeing Sam.

“I’m the welcome wagon,” Paul tilted his head in the direction of the parking lot and we started moving. “Billy got a call from the head Cullen. They won’t be returning to Forks anytime soon. And you haven’t missed any action.”

“And you’ve all had enough to eat?’ I poked him in the ribs with a grin.

“The rest of the pack have wasted away already. I had to eat Quil, just to have the strength to pick you up from the airport.”

“Dinners will be so much quieter,” I pretended to lament, and Paul cackled. “Is Charlie okay?”

The wolf opened my door for me and then slid across the hood of the car to reach the driver side. “None the wiser,” he assured, turning the key in the ignition. “Helps that you weren’t gone as long as we expected. We’ll bring you home first, so you can shower and change. Sam brought your truck back, as part of your cover story.”

I hummed my agreement, taking a deep breath and letting the comfort of the pack wash away any leftover tension. Home sounds good.

-*-*-*

“Dad?” I opened the door and heard the game on in the living room.

“Hey, Bells,” Charlie didn’t even turn to look at me, just tilted his head vaguely in my direction as he asked, “Is Kim feeling better?”

“Yes, finally,” I couldn’t look at him as I lied, shuffling into the living room to drop onto the couch.

Where Sam was already sitting, feet up on the coffee table, a pizza box resting next to them. “Hey, sweetheart,” he grinned at me, oh so casual. “Can I finally have my house back?”

I was so busy taking in the sight of him that I could barely string together words. My fingers clasped the edge of my bracelet, now on the other wrist because the doctor on the private jet couldn’t put a cast on around it. “We didn’t leave you any ice cream,” I pretended to apologize.

“I’ll survive,” Sam’s lips quirked upward into a smirk. He reached out, caught my hand gently, and rubbed his thumb over the buckle of my bracelet. I could almost hear him say the words, “I’m glad you’re okay. I’m glad you came back to me.”

Charlie watched the interaction, clearing his throat. When I turned, he looked pointedly at my wrist, and I remembered that he practically grew up on the reservation. “When did this happen?’

I faltered, not sure if this had to be one more thing to lie about.

“That depends on what ‘this’ is,” Sam answered easily. “The bracelet is new, just this weekend. But I knew Bella was the one the moment she pushed past her own heartbreak to cook me dinner.”

My heart was sneaking up my throat as I waited for Charlie’s reaction. Finally, he looked at me and nodded, “I like this one much better.”

I couldn’t stop the fond look in Sam’s direction. “Me too.”

Sam stood, “Now that I know I can safely return home, I’m going to do so. I have some homework to catch up on. Walk me out?”

“Obviously,” I linked our hands and led him to the front porch. “I missed you.”

Tenderness danced in Sam’s dark eyes, “I missed you too. You’re never leaving again, unless I can go with you.”

I wrapped my arms around him, feeling warm for the first time in days. “Deal.”

“See you at home?” Sam asked against my hair, stroking his hands up my back to cup the back of my neck.

“Not today, obviously I just came back from there.” I reminded with a wink. “I’ll be by on Thursday for the fish fry, and the week after that there’s no school, so we can catch up then.”

Sam nodded. “Responsibilities.” He leaned down to give me a sweet kiss. “I meant what I told your father. I knew you were my perfect partner when you showed me how selfless and kind you were. When I said I was hungry you could have pointed me in the direction of the diner, but you didn’t.” He pulled away from me, smiling an adoring smile.

“Hey,” I caught his shoulder before he could go. He gazed up at me, expectantly, and I felt my heart pound a drumbeat. Love Him. Love Him. Love Him. “You know that I…”

“Yup,” he pressed a kiss to my cheek, then below my jaw. “I love you too. I’ll see you at home.”

I felt a sappy grin take over my face as I watched him jog into the woods. A moment later, a wolf peered back out at me, giving me a slow nod before retreating into the shadows.

Home. With Sam and the Pack. Sounds so good – perfect even. For as long as I live.