Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

14 months left…

“Okay Sunny, let’s begin our session. I want you to stay as relaxed as possible. Just listen to my voice.”

“Follow my voice as I bring you down and down, guiding you into the past.”

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I am floating.

Just a moment ago, I was sitting on a sofa, accompanied by a psychologist who was sitting right beside me. But now, I am all alone.

I am floating between time and space.

The psychologist’s voice guides me as I cross through the event horizon: the point of no return. Reaching the point of singularity.

I feel my body is being stretched apart towards the focal point. The molecules in my body begin to break. I can no longer feel my legs, my hands, or my body.

I no longer feel anything.

I am losing a part of myself. I feel like I am everywhere, yet nowhere at the same time.

“As you follow my voice, you then found a coloured light. Could you tell me what colour it is?”

“…”

“…white.”

“A white colour? I see. Do you see anything else?”

“…a laptop, a hanging bulb, and a notebook.”

“I see, so you see yourself in a room, I presume? Now, the person you care about is in that room with you. Do you know who that is?

“Yes…my sister.”

I walk closer to her. That beautiful long hair, those pair of loving, caring eyes…

I want to hug her tight, to tell her I’m sorry. For being angry, impatient, rash…

If I could just hold on a little longer, then she would still be with me.

Forgive me, dear sister.

“Your sister, hmm? And what does she say to you?”

“She says…”

I can’t hear her. Her mouth is moving, but I can’t understand what she is saying.

Then…

Memories come flooding back into my mind like a geyser.

“Come here, Sunny. Your lovely sister wants to give you a very big hug!”

“You should smile more, little brother!”

“Mom! Sunny doesn’t want to eat his vegetables.”

“Don’t be afraid. It is not as scary as you think.”

“If you’re having nightmares, you can always come and sleep with me.”

“Sunny, you need to be strong. Can you do that for me?”

In an instant, the whole room changes. It becomes…

“Red.”

“Red?” The psychologist’s voice seems far away, leaving me all alone.

“Again. We will not stop until you get this part right.”

“C’mon, Sunny. Focus!”

“Ugh, why do you keep messing this up!?”

Colours of crimson begin to encroach reality itself as gigantic hands start to emerge from above and below. They then form an ominous, yet inviting-looking throne. Without a second thought, I walk towards it, proudly claiming it as my own. From my throne, I observe the phenomenon occurring before me. Could one call this hell? But it feels so…comforting. Like, this is where I belong.

Where I deserve to live.

My sister is clearly not amused by this. She begins to shout at me, begging me to stop this madness at once. I don’t pay her any mind. How could I, when such a marvellous event is taking place right before my very eyes? Feeling annoyed, my sister walks towards me, bringing her face way too close to my face, and starts shouting.

Screaming.

Nagging.

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…please, shut up.

Several hands emerge out of thin air, pulling her away from me. The hands hold her in place, violently choking her, prompting her to be quiet. The more she struggles, the tighter the grip on her got. She looks at me, trying to earn an inch of sympathy.

Poor, poor sister.

She tries to wriggle her body, kicking the air, but it is to no avail. I watch as her life slowly ebbs away from her fragile body. Her desperate attempts for air, her eyes which look like they could pop out at any moment due to the pressure.

“Sun…ny…”

“Stop it…”

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“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!”

“Sunny!?”

“I KILLED HER. IT WAS ME. IT WAS ME!!”

“Listen to me! I am now going to pat you on your shoulders. When I do, you will be fully awake.”

“3, 2, 1, now!”

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“…HAHHHH!!!”

It takes a few moments, but my vision becomes clearer as I slowly regain consciousness. The pain in my head skyrockets as if someone shot a bullet straight into it. My senses begin to return: the sight of a plain wall filled with motivational posters, the smell of lavender, the soft fabric of the sofa, the taste of my mouth, and the loud beating of my heartbeat.

Somehow, I come back here, the world of the living. No longer I was in a white void or a space filled with hands. And her face now disappeared from my sight.

“Are you alright? Please rest for a moment. I’ll go and grab a towel.” The psychologist hurriedly walks out of the room. I wipe off the amount of sweat from my forehead, wondering how the hell I am sweating in an air-conditioned room.

“…sigh…”

After everything’s said and done, I finally excuse myself from today’s session. My eyes wince a bit as I take a step outside the building, allowing the heat-scorching sunlight to kiss my pale skin. This heat is unbearable, making me yearn for the softness of my bed.

I reach into my pocket for my phone, before a familiar white car enters my vision.

“Hey, Sunny. Just on time. C’mon, get in.” Mom softly smiles at me as she opens the passenger door.

The city is as bustling as ever. Pedestrians can be seen everywhere minding their own business, whether it’s taking numerous photos or simply strolling around. Numerous stalls and shops can be seen within the naked eye, counting each and one of them would take ages. Vehicles with various shapes and colours speed their way on the road under the tall bridges and buildings.

Simply put, this place is packed, to the point where it might feel a bit suffocating. It’s like twenty Faraway towns, condensed into one big package.

“So, how was it? Sorry that Mommy couldn’t make it today. Work’s been killing this old woman.” She softly chuckles. As a single mother, carrying the weight of responsibilities all by yourself is not an easy task, this I understand. I wish I could do something to help her, even in the slightest.

“It’s not that bad, they said.” A small lie to make her feel better.

They call it hypnotherapy, a type of treatment where hypnosis is used to create a state of focused attention in the treatment of a medical concern. After that ‘small’ incident, the doctors decided it is best for me to stop and continue with the normal counselling and some medicines. I am probably not suitable for that kind of treatment; not like I know any better. I underwent this treatment without telling them about my past, so they probably couldn’t diagnose me properly. Why didn’t Mom tell them the details?

Of course, she didn’t. How could she even tell such a story?

I softly sigh. Seems like the path of recovery is going to be a tough one.

As we make our way towards our home, I suddenly have this feeling. This uneasiness, like I’m forgetting something. Is it my wallet? No, it’s right here. The medicine? Nah, it’s here too.

What could it be?

Like any other teenager, I reach out for my phone, hoping that this small device can solve this little problem of mine. I watch as my thumbs press the dial pad, navigating through the menu until it reaches the contact list. I don’t have that many numbers, so the only ones there are Mom, the therapist, and the other three.

Aubrey.

Basil.

Kel.

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 Time begins to move at a snail’s pace as my gaze is fixated on those digits, feeling the growing anxiety within me. I swear I can see the pixels of the screen slowly turn into small eyes, looking at my soul. Judging me. Probing me to do something with it.

“…”

You know, come and think about it, I’m kind of not in the mood to do some talking. I have just finished my therapy session, and I am particularly drained. It would leave a sour taste in my mouth if I send them a message, or even worse, giving them a call in this state of mind. Things like these, you can’t rush it.

Feeling content with myself, I put my phone away and slowly lean my back towards the car seat. It is no big deal. I have all the time in the world.

Yeah…

13 months left…

“Alright class, pay attention! It seems like a lot of you still have problems at this part, so listen well now…”

Everyone is in silence, but it’s painfully obvious none of them are paying any attention to what the teacher is saying. It turns to background noises as students found other interesting stuff to talk about.

“…so, about that new game, I told you about…”

“…when will this class ends, I swear…”

“…let’s go to the arcade after this…”

A silent sigh escapes from my lips. They could at least pretend that they’re listening, not that I can blame them. Even I struggle to keep my eyelids from calling it a day. There are times where I can feel doses of motivation courses through me, and they're also days like this one, where I would rather roll up into a cocoon and just fall into a deep slumber.

Sometimes I wonder why I’m here, attending a school of all places, trying to be a productive member of society. I mean, waking up at 6:30 am every day? Who in their right mind thought this is a good idea?

Mom said that I need to catch up with my studies, but couldn’t she just hire a tutor and home-school me instead? Sure, it gets lonely. But I rather have that than have to wake up feeling sluggish and sleep-deprived. She probably wanted me to socialise a lot more.

But you see, dear mother, that’s where the problem lies. I am now in an environment where nobody knows or even acknowledges me. How am I supposed to make friends here? What do I say to them?

It’s not like I didn’t try, but every time I did, they always have this sense of uncertainty, like I am someone that should stay away from. A bad influence, a weirdo, a creep, as they whisper among themselves. 

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Another sigh. Schools are not supposed to be like this from what I recall. It used to be different back then. Meeting new friends, learning new and interesting stuff, the fun activities we have every day. It felt like a second home to us. At least, to me. Sure, I spend most of my time daydreaming, but it was because of how comforting it was to be there.

But now, gone are the warm feeling I was accustomed to, leaving only the cold metallic touch of rusted tables. The sound of markers screeching pierces through the dreaded atmosphere. There is no longer ‘we’ or ‘us’, only ‘I’ and ‘you’. Even the teachers seem to be struggling to keep up a happy face.

Is this how growing up feels like? Is this really the reality I choose?

Did I…do the right thing?

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It has to be, right?

“Sunny?”

A voice pulls me from my thoughts, sending me back to reality. I look towards the source and found the teacher, looking at me with concern in her eyes. Did she just call my name? I am more surprised she even remembers it. I never tried to stand out from the crowd, or put myself out there. If this is a TV show, then I would simply be an extra or a background character. No one remembers those sorts of people. They could disappear from the face of the earth and nobody would bat an eye.

“No one cares about you.”

Not now, brain.

“Could you please read this passage for us? The one on page 49?”

I silently nod, not even bothering to give a reply. It seems like my teacher knows that I was sort of…not here. Why didn’t she say anything? A question for another time, I suppose. I stand up, holding the book right close to my face, and start to read.

“Believe it or not, the act of recycling can bring many benefits to our Earth. One of them is—”

“s…s…s…”

This is why I hate it when any teacher picks my name.

“s-s-save the e-e-envi…en…”

“HAHAHAH OH MY GOD HE CAN’T READ HAHHAHA!”

Laughter. A cure for sadness, as they say, is made to bring joy and happiness to everyone around it.

What a load of bullcrap.

“Class! I don’t appreciate the way you’re treating him!”

Poor teacher. She is trying her best, but her words are drowning in a sea of laughter.

Stupid, stupid, stupid me. Why are you so useless? It’s just reading. READING! Anyone can do that.  So why can’t I?

“s-s-save the e-e-en…”

I force myself to vomit out the words, but it just won’t come out.

The laughter fills my ears. My chest starts to hurt, my knees beginning to betray me. I am drowning in this sea of anxiety, gasping for air. I can’t even see the text properly now; my vision is blurred by watery liquids.

No, no stop this. Stop crying. Why am I crying over something as simple as this? 

“THAT’S ENOUGH, EVERYONE! It’s okay, Sunny. You can sit down now.”

I return to my seat, hanging my head down. I hate this. Why do I have to embarrass myself in such a way? Why am I so incapable of doing easy tasks? It’s just a sentence. It would take no effort from anyone, yet it feels like a struggle to me.

“…”

“…woah, is he crying?”

“Pfft, hahahaha. What a goddamn loser.”

“He’s a boy, isn’t he? How pathetic.”

Ignore them. Ignore whatever words and insults they throw at you. Soon, they will forget about it, and life moves on.

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I find myself in the school bathroom, washing my hands after relieving myself. It is certainly what you expect from a typical boys’ toilet. Broken doors, weird drawings on the wall, mostly consist of vulgar humour and of course, the infamous stench coming out of this place.

Today couldn’t get any slower than this. It feels like an eternity, but the school’s finally over. I thought I have already gotten used to the constant jeering from others, but that incident proved me wrong.

I look at myself in the mirror. A skinny figure, scarily pale skin, a short height, and an eyepatch for the missing eye. Honestly, I can’t blame them. Someone like this is definitely asking to be made fun of.

An idea suddenly forms. Slowly, I curl my lips upwards, forming a shape of a smile. It’s small, but I prefer it that way. Having a wide grin will probably make my face look weird. Then, I furrow my eyebrows, showing off the meanest look I could.

It looks stupid, to be honest.

 I realise I have been in touch with my emotions, lately. If it’s a happy occasion, I can form a smile. If it’s a sad one, the tears come out easier. Not sure if it’s a good thing or not.

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It is time for me to go home. The sooner I am away from this place, the better. Then, I have to be here again the next day. Honestly, what is the point of me coming here if all I got are constant harassment? Isn’t a school supposed to be a safe place for learning knowledge?

I am walking down the hallway, making my way towards the exit, before I hear a voice from behind approaching me.

“Out of the way, shorty!”

Just before I could turn around, a forceful shove pushes me down to the ground, forcing me to take in the smell of shoe soles. Naturally, I make an effort to stand up, but it seems like someone wants me to kiss the dirt for a while. Not like this is the first time ever.

This person then proudly put his shoes on my back, stepping on it a few times, earning praises and cheers from his friends. Another dirty uniform, I say to myself. One of these days, Mom is going to grow suspicious of me. But I don’t have the courage to tell her the truth. The last thing I want to do is give her more burden than she already has.

And also, deep down, I deserve this. Me being humiliated, made fun of, all of it.

“Bro, I can’t believe he fell just like that. You don’t push him that hard, do you, Mike?”

I heard that name before. This Mike person, probably one of my classmates. He rarely attends class so I can’t exactly recall how he looks like.

What does he even want with me? I never disturb him, nor call him names. Does my existence really irritate him that much?

“Is he crying? We didn’t even push you that hard. What a drama queen.”

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I thought I was strong. I thought everything would be fine as long as I believe in myself, as long as I keep pushing forward. But I guess even that is asking too much.

I don’t want to go on. What’s the point of continuing if I have to suffer like this? What do I get in return? If I knew it would turn out like this…

…then I would rather stay in that void for the rest of my life.

The voices begin to drown in silence. Slowly, I feel reality itself starts to shift. I no longer feel the stomping feet nor the cold floor. My mind is taking me somewhere. Somewhere safe…

“Welcome to White Space. You have been here for as long as you—”

THUD!!

Fate is really cruel and twisted. As if it isn’t satisfied torturing me, here I am back in reality. The next thing I know, I am being pushed against the lockers, the loud banging sound falls to deaf ears. No one is here, after all. Someone is grabbing me by the collar, probably this Mike person. His gnarly face is uncomfortably close to mine. I, my pathetic self could do nothing but wait for his next actions.

“Listen here, kid.” He snarled. “Don’t think just because you act soft and cry like a bitch, everyone would take sympathy on you. Over time, people will get sick of it, and you have no one to blame but yourself. This world is harsh, and it got no place for crybabies like you.”

My mind tries to send me back into the white void, before a sharp pain lands at my cheek, anchoring me to reality. It hurts.

“Hey come on now. Didn’t your mommy ever tell you to listen to people when they talk?”

“Alright, Mike, I think he has it enough.” One of his friends voices his concern, before someone else chimes in. “C’mon, dude. He’s just getting started.”

With a wide grin on his face, Mike turns his attention elsewhere. Somewhere I wish he did not. “What’s up with this eyepatch, hmm? Think you’re hot shit, huh? Trying to be different from everyone else!?”

He forcibly grabs the eyepatch and snatches it away, revealing my past, my sins, my shame. At that point, I no longer feel anything. Pain, anger, not even sadness. Whatever strength I have left disappears as I fall to the ground, surrendering myself to whatever these guys will do.

These guys are right. I am weak, pathetic, and useless. I wish I could fight back, or even scream for help. But what’s the point if everything that they said is true? Why bother denying the truth?

Somehow, Mike is even more pissed at my motionless behaviour. “What a waste of time. Guys like you don’t deserve any sort of attention. The sooner you rot, the better.” Feeling like he has nothing to say, he and his friends walk away, leaving me to drown in self-pity all by myself.

Poor Sunny, he can’t defend himself.

Poor Sunny, he can’t stand up for himself.

Poor Sunny, he can’t live for himself.

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Dragging myself out of the school, Mike’s words keep buzzing in my ears, reminding me of how weak I was handling that situation. Thinking back on it, I was never the kind to fight back. It was always my friends who defended me, although Kel and Aubrey got a bit physical sometimes.

“…”

Tears begin to roll on my cheeks once more. Call me whatever you want, but I do miss them. Kel’s wholesome energy, Aubrey’s admirable strength, even Basil’s bright smile. I hate myself for feeling like this, but at this point, nothing matters anymore. All I want is to see them again.

I just can’t hold it back any longer.

I hastily reach for my phone, searching through the contact lists as fast as I could. My fingers are shaking as I try my best to remain calm, but the longer I put this off, the worse it gets.

Sure enough, those three names appear on the screen once more.

I stare at it for a few seconds. Just press the dial button. Didn’t you promise to call them every now and then? You know they would never betray you. Kel, Basil, and Aubrey, these three would always listen to your troubles. Even after four years of separation, the bonds between us are as strong as ever.

So, why can’t I press it?

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There it is again. That feeling of being watched. The pixels turn to small eyes once more, looking at me. Staring at me. Waiting for something to happen.

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Something within speaks to me. How can I be so sure that they really forgive me? I mean, they could just be pretending to be nice, since I’m leaving and all. Anyone can put up a mask if they want to.

Do they…really forgive me? Or is it just out of sympathy?

Was it genuine in the first place?

If it was not, then I don’t have the right to call them.

They probably are enjoying their lives a lot more, knowing that the one responsible for their misery is finally gone. If I call, it may just be an annoyance to them.

They probably don’t even remember me anymore.

And besides, the reason I told them the truth that day in the first place was to allow them to finally move on. And if me calling them might bring back sad memories…

…then I’m just being selfish, aren’t I?

Feeling reluctant, I put back my phone into my pocket, quickening my pace towards home. Being alone makes you an easy target, and I already have my fair share of beating today.

12 months left…

“Mom, can I…ask you something?” I ask in a fairly-low tone, still wondering whether the decision I’m about to take is right or not. The time is 7 pm, a fairly reasonable time to have dinner. The menu is simple fried noodles, nothing too fancy. It’s not like Mom has any free time to cook something special.

Mom who is sitting across me, pauses her eating for a moment, locking her eyes with mine. “Yes, dear?”

“Do you…remember what month it is?” My fork is twisting around the noodles, slowly wrapping itself with it, trying my best to distract myself from looking directly at her. Mom is quite gentle, but even she has those days where a single mishap can tick her off.

“Hmm, now’s October, isn’t it? Do you have any plans this month?” She rests her index finger on her chin, giving off the I’m-so-into-this-conversation vibe. Perhaps she’s happy I’m the one that starts a small talk? Usually, our dinner sessions go in silence.

“No, it’s just…” Ugh, why can’t she just take the hint? How am I supposed to approach this without offending her in the slightest? This topic is already touchy as it is. “it’s already that time of the year…”

She asks in a puzzled tone. “That time…”

“It’s already been 4 years…”

“4 years? Sorry dear, I’m not quite sure what you—”

“…oh.”

Silence. Her face changes into something with a more sorrowful expression, fully realising the intent of my question. I silently apologize to her, for it is not my intent to reopen old wounds.

That’s right. It has been 4 years.

4 years since the incident.

4 years of her not with us.

Now, it’s Mom’s turn to remain silent. She hangs her head down, staring at the brown hot noodles. It’s probably not as appetizing as before.

“Yeah, it really has been 4 years…time really does fly, doesn’t it, haha…” An attempt is made to lighten the mood, but the tension still remains, lingering around the small apartment room. She scoops her fork, trying to brush off the topic. “What about it, dear? I hope you already know that Mommy forgives you.”

I mimic her movements as well, swallowing the food. “Thanks, but there’s something more than that.” My chewing becomes slower, trying to stretch this as long as I can. What words do I use? What kind of mannerisms should I apply here? Should I go straight to the point, or dance around it a bit?

“I’m just thinking…of visiting…her…”

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I shouldn’t have gone straight to the point.

Mom stops her eating, her eyes looking straight to mine, a bewildered expression is worn on her tired face. It is not filled with care or anger, but simply nothing. An icy cold stare, revealing everything yet nothing at the same time. One that is hard to judge, and that’s the scariest part. An unpredictable outcome. I can feel chills running through my spine, fearing what might happen next.

“Sunny…what are you talking about?” A dried voice escapes from her lips, devoid of emotion. “You’re not being serious are you…?”

I return to my old habits, being neither proactive nor reactive, but to remain silent. I shut my lips tightly as I could, hanging my head down. It’s a coward’s way out, but I am already one.

Mom then leans back towards her chair, her gaze still fixated on me. “Do you know why we even move here? I thought I told you this already. So, we can move on. Start a new life, leaving the past behind and slowly build a new future.”

No words come out of my mouth.

“Do you have any idea how hard I work day and night, surveying through every nook and cranny of this dumpster of a city just so I could find this apartment!?”

Her voice raises as she continues, making me cower a bit. I start to hear ringing in my ears, my chest is tightening due to fear. Clawing at every single bit of courage I have left, I take deep breaths, calming down my senses.

“And now after everything I did, you’re here telling me you want to…to go back!?”

It failed. Her voice goes straight through my heart, stabbing it with no mercy. I feel like something is pushing my head, no, my whole body down, forcing it to curl into a ball.

This is a mistake. All of this is a mistake. Why do I even open my mouth in the first place? Of course, Mom’s not going to be pleased with it. She did everything for me, and I just have to mess it up every single time.

Why am I so useless?

“SUNNY!” She slams her hand on the table, not satisfied with my silent treatment. ANSWER ME!”

“I just…want to see her…” A cowardly reply. I can even feel tears start to well on my eyelids.

“See her? And you think I would just let you go easily like that? I’m worried about you, Sunny!” Her voice shakes a little. “These past few months, I have never seen you happy even once! It’s always you being sad or miserable, sometimes both. I try to bring you to therapy, forcing you to go outside, but nothing works! You always stay the same.”

“I-I’m trying, but it’s just so…hard…”

“Oh, and going back to Faraway somehow will fix all of that!? What if something happens when you’re over there? What if you meet your friends again? What if that blonde kid does something to you again? Please, stop being selfish and think about your mother!”

Selfish…

Selfish…?

At that moment, something within me snaps.

“YOU’RE THE ONE THAT’S BEING SELFISH!”

Mom is taken aback. My heart is telling me to stop, but my emotions overflowed, revealing my feelings deep down. “I NEVER ASK TO MOVE HERE! YOU’RE THE ONE THAT’S MAKING ALL THE DECISIONS WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST!”

She stands up, looking in fury. “I DID EVERYTHING FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!”

“HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? YOU LEFT ME TO ROT AT THAT HOME ALL BY MYSELF!”

“SUNNY!”

She raises her hand before abruptly stops, as she sees me instinctively cover my face, cowering in fear. Both of us gasping for air, tears running down our cheeks, realising what we have done.

I…raise my voice. Towards my mother, of all people. How could I have done such a thing?

This feeling, this moment…

It’s just like back then.

Mom wipes away her tears, still looking away from me. “I-I’m not letting you go back to Faraway. And that’s final. I don’t want to hear you mention anything about it.” She picks up her plate, bringing it to the sink. “Make sure you finish your food.”

I do nothing but emptily stare at my plate, the noodles are not even half-finished. Honestly, eating is the last thing I want to do. After some moments, I hear footsteps and a click sound of a door closing. There I am, all alone in the kitchen, pondering after the things I just said.

Good job, Sunny. You just make everything worse for yourself. Ruin it even more, wouldn’t you?

I couldn’t sleep.

Midnight has engulfed this city in darkness, letting its residents drift away in dreams. Moonlight shined the quiet night through the cracks of the clouds, illuminating some of the stars far away from this earth. The sounds of the clock softly ticking and the fans spinning are the only ambient noises in this room of mine.

…

I couldn’t sleep.

I turn my body to the left side, trying to gain some comfort, but it is to no avail. I begin to feel restless. I turn to the opposite side, yet it results in the same. My legs feel so sweaty and itchy, even though my fan is set at max speed. I forcibly shut my eyes, drowning myself in happy thoughts.

…

I still couldn’t sleep.

This is getting annoying. The argument I had with Mom is probably the reason for all of this. Even now, I can still hear her voice, shaking in rage and grief. I groggily wake up, thinking of ways to let myself rest. Maybe a trip to the bathroom will do.

As I open my bedroom door, I just realise just how…dark our apartment room is. It’s pitch black. If you’re not familiar with the interior of this room, chances are you might accidentally trip. I could use my phone screen, but its brightness is not enough to use as a torch. Well, no choice but to rely on your senses. The toilet should not be that far now…

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…why am I still not there yet?

It feels like ages, but the toilet door has not even entered my sight. Have I been standing still this whole time, without moving even an inch? That’s impossible. I can feel my legs moving. So, why am I still not there?

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Is someone moving me instead?

No, no, that’s not true. Calm down, Sunny. You’re just overthinking things. Just go to the toilet, relieve yourself a bit, and go straight back to your room. You can do this.

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Someone’s watching me.

I don’t know who, but I can feel it. Someone, something out there, meekly watches my movement, silently observing my actions.

I turn my head towards the living room, which is totally cloaked in black.

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There’s nothing there. Just me here.

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…right?

Humans are afraid of many things. Death, heights, drowning…

But the one thing we all can agree on is that we are all afraid of the dark.

Why? Because we don’t know what’s in there. The unknown. Something we have absolutely no control in, leaving this sense of vulnerability.

And that is terrifying.

I shut my eyes while taking deep, deep breathes. Calm down. Breathe in. It’s not as scary as you think. It’s not scary as you think. It’s not as scary as you think. Breathe out.

I slowly open my eyes. The toilet door is still not within my reach.

I turn my head towards the living room once more.

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Someone’s standing there.

Looking at me.

Among the darkness, there it stood.

A demon.

A white gown.

Empty eye sockets.

A wide-gaping mouth.

A broken, elongated neck.

Long, stringy black hair.

It begins to twitch.

Its head moves in an inhuman form.

It moves slowly.

Slowly.

Slowly.

Towards me.

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It lunges forward.

…

The next thing I know, I am on top of my bed, curling myself into a ball while covering my whole body with a blanket.

Please fall asleep. Please fall asleep. Please fall asleep. Please fall asleep. Please fall asleep. Please fall asleep. Please fall asleep. Please fall asleep. Please fall asleep. Please fall asleep. There’s nothing there. There’s nothing there. There’s nothing there. There’s nothing there. There’s nothing there. There’s nothing there. It’s not as scary as you think. It’s not as scary as you think. It’s not as scary as you think. It’s not as scary as you—

…

It’s useless. I can’t calm down. I can’t focus. I can’t persist. My body feels so cold. Very, very cold.

Someone. Anyone. Please help me.

Mom’s just next door. It’s a bit embarrassing to ask her to accompany me, but surely, she can help me.

…

…

…no, I shouldn’t.

We just had an argument a few hours ago. She probably needs some more time for herself.

Why do I keep making things hard for myself?

“You are such a burden to everyone around you.”

“…!”

“Poor mother has to spend most of her time handling someone like you. You, who couldn’t even take care of yourself.”

“…”

“She could have done so many other things. She could have used her money to spend on things she like. Things that could make her happy. But instead, all of it is wasted on you.”

No…

“Grow up for once. Stop being a burden to everyone. You’re wasting their time.”

Shut up.

“Everything you did was useless. You can never do anything right. Even if you try, you will always fail at the end.”

Shut up.

“If you don’t want to bother people with your incompetence, it would be better to just—”

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

I grip my ears, forcing it to block any sort of noise, yet the ringing keeps getting louder. The sheets of my bed are already dampened with my tears. I feel the pain coming from my teeth due to gritting them so hard.

I need to calm down. But how?

…

That’s right. The antidepressants. The doctor said to use it every time I have a panic attack.

I reach for it at my nightstand. Good. Now, I just need some water—

No…it’s not here. I don’t have a water bottle with me.

Which means…I have to go out of the room.

…

No, I can’t do that. Not after that. I just can’t.

I find myself struggling to breathe. My body is soaking with sweat. My chest hurts like it’s about to burst at any moment.

If only Mari is here…

If only Kel is here…

If only Hero is here…

…

In an instant, I reach out for my phone. My thumbs are shaking as I navigate through the menu once more, finding their contact lists.

There it is again. Those three names are displayed on the screen. Waiting for something to happen.

Once more, small eyes pop up at the screen, staring at me.

Something…is staring at me through this phone.

This thing…could they be the reason behind all of this?

…

No.

No more.

I am tired of this.

I am sick and fed up with this wishy-washy attitude these past few months.

Reconnecting? Stay in touch? To hell with those! Because of you, I have been struggling all this time. Because of you, I have been clinging to the past.

The things that happened today, all of this wouldn’t have occurred if I had just moved on. If I just forget about them.

And if removing you means that I can finally move forward…

Then I…!

…

…

…

…

…

I throw my phone as hard as I could, letting it crashes the cold, hard floor. I lie down on my back, my arm over my eyes, as tears roll down my cheeks. Sobs and cries fill the silence of the room.

Idiot. Stupid. Foolish.

What have I done?

Did I really just do that?

…

How can I call them ever again?

Ah…

I don’t care anymore.

I’m tired. So, so, tired.

I just want to sleep.

And drift away…

Drift…away…

Chapter Text

10 months left…

The mall is fairly packed with people walking around chasing the hottest deals, teenagers simply loitering around and few workers working together hanging decorations as that one song by Mariah Carey is repeatedly playing in the background, reminding everyone that yes, it’s already December. As if the numerous trees filled with lights and glitter didn’t give that away already. All in all, it’s going to be a pretty hectic month.

What am I even doing here, in this kind of place, you ask? No particular reason, really. I just want to get some fresh air, or new scenery, you may say. This bustling environment, filled with annoyingly bright lights, proves to be a good way for me to be distracted from my thoughts. Cooping inside my room can be quite suffocating, and Mom’s constant nagging certainly doesn’t help in the slightest. 

Now that I think about it, why a mall? Surely, a park would be a better place. Eh, too late for that.

I actually have no idea where I’m going. Wherever my feet take me, there I shall go. The number of times I ride the same escalator up and down is getting absurd, hopefully, people don’t take notice of that. As I walk among the pack of crowds, I keep a mental note on the stores that I pass through, just to create some sort of hobby. A clothing store, a bookstore, another clothing store, a toy shop, an arcade, yet another clothing store...

…wait, an arcade?

Across from me stood a fairly spacious one, multiple-coloured lights are emitted from it. The interior lighting is quite dim, but the noises surely aren’t. The closer I get, the louder the noises are, drowning even the Mariah Carey song. It feels like I enter a portal to a totally different world or something. 

It is then something struck within me. How long has it been since I touch a game console, let alone play one? Sure, Pet Rocks are considered as one, but aside from that? I don’t believe I ever play anything other than that crappy blackjack game. 

There I am, standing right in front of the arcade, pondering whether I should enter or not. It’s certainly tempting, with its huge variety of games. But…

“GOD DAMN THIS STUPID FREAKING GAME!!”

A loud voice snaps me from my current dilemma. From the inside, I spot two teenagers playing what seems to be a fighting game. The brown-haired boy, who surprisingly has a flower as a hairpin, is gripping and shaking at the arcade machine, shouting at it like a madman, as if that machine is responsible for all the misfortunes that happen in his life. Ironic. 

“THIS SHIT’S A HACK! I’M TELLING THE OWNER ABOUT THIS CRAP!”

Alongside him is a slightly tall blue-haired kid wearing a black orange-striped jersey with a beanie on top of his head. He’s looking quite uneasy, thanks to his friend’s sudden outburst.

“I don’t know man, maybe you’re just not that good enough.” As soon as Blue-Haired Boy said that, his friend immediately shot him with a glare. “That’s bullshit! I fought him like ten times, and I still lost.”

I meekly watch from afar as Brown-Haired Boy begins to slot in another coin, trying for yet another turn. If he’s going to act like that when losing, maybe he should take a break, but hey, I am none the wiser.

…

…

…

…wow, he sucks. 

Is he trying to lose or something? The CPU clearly has a pattern of move sets that can be countered if you look hard enough. Of course, you’re going to lose if all you do is keep mashing the buttons, hoping for a miracle to happen. 

My legs have a mind of their own, and soon I am slowly approaching them before I stop myself. What am I doing? Sure, he’s horrible and all, but they’re complete strangers. They’re not even my friends. What right do I have to suddenly come up and disturb their playtime? Come to think of it, it’s kind of rude to do something like that. It’s best if I leave them be.

Just walk away. Do not bother other people with your presence. Just walk away.

But he’s really struggling, isn’t he? I can’t help but feel bad for him. Being angry and stressed out is not good for your health, after all, I learn that first-hand. And if me helping them can do that, then…

It’s okay. It’s going to be alright. Just go and help them, then leave. They probably won’t even remember you’re there after that. 

With a deep breath, I continue my pace towards them.

…

“Come on, Rowan. Just give up and move on, will you? We have tons of games yet to play.”

“You can go and play by yourself, first. I’m not stopping until I get this piece of—WHAT THE HELL? I FREAKING PRESSED THE BUTTON WHY WON’T YOU BLOCK!?”

Blue-Haired Boy could only sigh, scratching his head in frustration. He is about to comply with that suggestion before he notices someone’s presence closing in. 

“Hmm, you wanna play, kid? Sorry, but you might wanna play the other ones first. This man-child here is gonna be here for a while.” 

???

He didn’t really just say that…

A kid?

Did he just call me a kid!? 

That’s preposterous, to say the least! Sure, I might be shorter than your average male, and being a shut-in doesn’t help with my growth, but to call me a kid? Like I am some sixth-grade student? This dude is making fun of me, surely. Grr, the nerve of him. If I recall, Aubrey is around the same height as me, and I don’t see anyone calling her a kid.

Well, getting triggered this early will not give a good impression. Sometimes, you have to swallow your pride and go with the flow. I lift my right index finger, pointing to the screen before them. “…pattern.”

“Hmm? Say what, kid?”

“p-p-p…”

No…not again. Not after all of this…

“…?”

“p-p-pat-pat…”

Come on, Sunny. You can do this. There’s nothing to be afraid of here. You’re not in front of a stage, or inside a classroom. It’s just the two of them. Imagine the word in your head, first. Then, slowly pronounce it.

“p-p-pattern…movement…”

Blue-Haired Boy raises his brow a little, trying to digest the words this ‘kid’ just said. “Oh, you mean this game?”

I nod. “It has a set of patterns. If you can r-read it, then you can w-win.”

Blue-Haired Boy slowly rubs his chin while eyeing his friend for a moment, before returning his glance towards me. Well, can’t exactly blame him to feel weird if a random stranger suddenly comes up to you and starts giving life tips. 

It took a while, but sure enough, he bites it. “Well, you heard him, Rowan. Try and see it for yourself.”

“You mad, bro? I’m playing a fighting game, not chess! No time to sit around and learn his patterns or what not…and who the hell is this kid, anyway? He got lost or something?”

Rude.

“Well, surely you already memorize the move sets after what, ten times fighting him?”

Brown-Haired Boy, or Rowan as his friend calls him, stays silent for a moment, before letting out a slight groan. “Ugh, fine. I’ll do it…”

None of us says a word as we watch the boy glues his eyes to the screen. Slowly, he regains composure and relaxes a little. He looks extremely focused that I can’t help but be in awe. It’s like someone flips his switch, making a complete 180 on his whole behaviour.

“…you’re right.” He mutters. “He does have a pattern.” Rowan, now discovers the key to victory, begins to counter the CPU’s attack, and lo and behold, he finally stands triumphant. After a long-hardened battle, he raises his fist into the air, claiming his first blood. “WOOO YEAH, BABY!” 

He then proceeds to shadowbox, for no apparent reason. 

Blue-Haired Boy lets out a light chuckle, shaking his head at his friend’s silly behaviour. “Thanks, kid. You are a lifesaver. I don’t think I can stand him ranting any longer.” 

“…I’m not a kid.”

“You’re not?”

I rub my hands together while glancing at a corner, giving a sheepish look. “I’m sixteen.” 

Both of them collectively gasp, their jaws come crashing to the ground. “No way!” Rowan suddenly rushes towards me, grips my shoulders, and starts shaking my frail body like that arcade machine. “That means you’re the same age as us. But how? You’re so freaking tiny!”

Ffhfuwf…so…wwqyiffh…dizzy…

Blue-Haired Boy finally separates us, thankfully. “Well, in that case, I’m sorry for assuming. You’re so short, I mistook you for a kid, hehe.”

I shake my head, telling him not to be sorry about it. Now, if the height jokes would stop, that would be perfect. 

After all of us calm down a little, he offers me his hand, prompting me to do the same. A slight smile can be seen on his face. “I’m Rudy, by the way. That guy over there is Rowan. And you?”

I stare at his hand, letting the moment settle in. Does he…want to be my friend? Is this really happening? I was expecting them to brush me off right after they win, forgetting my entire existence in an instant. 

Do I even deserve this? Deep down, I want to run away. Weaving relationships is painful. All that effort can be easily shattered due to one simple mistake. It only takes a simple misunderstanding, a simple argument, a light push to destroy everything. Why even bother? You hurt no one, and no one hurt you. 

…

But I want this. I hate myself for being selfish sometimes but long have I craved for this. New memories, new bonds, a chance to start over.  

Oh, how cruel this world is. As if torturing me isn’t enough, you have to dangle the chance of happiness right in front of my face, knowing full well I will be tempted to reach it, before you snatch it away, laughing as I succumb into darkness.

“I hope you can find some peace…or you know…some happiness.”

“…”

No, you’re wrong. I can never find peace, nor happiness. The things I did, if anyone ever knows, if these two people know, they will leave me. Like I leave everyone else.

But if the world decides to give me one last chance…

Then, at least until everything crashes down, let me enjoy this just a bit longer.

I reach out for Rudy’s hand, shaking it as firmly as I could, replying to his smile with one of my own. It’s not big, but hopefully, it is enough for him to notice.

And from that moment, my life starts to change for the better, even if it may last for a fleeting moment.

“Sunny.” 

7 months left…

I don’t know, but something about school lunch just doesn’t sit right with me. Like, why it looks and tastes so…bland? A chicken as your main meal, a whole-grain roll, and a salad as a serving. How come anyone in their right mind has a look at this and go ‘oh the kids going to love it? Whoever that person is, I hope he forgets to charge his phone every morning. 

Whatever. It’s not like I can’t go and buy some other stuff after school. With the monthly allowance from Mom, plus some extra cash from a part-time job, I’m pretty much a rich person. Well, as rich as a school kid can get.

And besides, lunch break means no learning time, so that’s a yay from me. The cafeteria is packed with students, all of them have their very own circle of friends. To put it simply, there’s a social hierarchy here. The popular ones all have their own spot, mostly consisting of those from sports clubs. The rest of us peasants have to find our very own, and if you’re unlucky, you might end up in a small spot eating by yourself. And of course, I am that unlucky person. 

“Ugh, the menu for today sucks.”

Well, not for today. This person’s unlucky streak has come to an end, saved by my two only friends. Please ignore the ‘only’ part. 

Rudy and Rowan sit right across me, placing the food trays on top of the table, their faces clearly unamused. Can’t blame them. Even I don't know how to react seeing today's meal.

It has been 3 months, but it still baffles me how the three of us become friends in such a bizarre way. Total strangers who meet up at the arcade, are now lunchmates. And we’re all from the same school, too. That’s life, I suppose.

“You arrive quite early, Sunny. That hungry, huh?” Rudy asks. A bit of hesitation draws on his face as he examines the food before him.

I simply nod, forcing myself to swallow the bread. “Yesterday’s food was good…munch munch munch…don’t know what happened today.”

“It’s like a freaking Russian roulette with this school.” Rowan chimes in. “Gotta keep guessing what’s on the menu every day. Piss off.”

I have to admit, Rowan’s usual rants are quite enjoyable to watch. Still can’t fathom why he wears a flower on his head. Is he trying to convince everyone that he’s a gentle boy, deep down?

We all continue to eat in silence as the sounds of chatter from other students become background noise. Every now and then, I take a short glance at the two people in front of me, just for fun. 

These two are quite opposites from each other. Rowan, despite his modest appearance: a brown vest over a white-collared shirt, packs in a hell of a personality. Anger is his default emotion and he freaks out over simple things. But that’s what makes him fun to hang around with. There is never a dull moment with him, always full of surprises.

Rudy, on the other hand, is quite gentle. He looks scary, with scars and bandages all over his arm and some on his face. Some might even consider him a delinquent. But once you get to know him, he can be such a caring person. That blue-hair dye along with his peach-coloured contacts really suits him well. But it seems like there is more to him than meets the eye.

 Well, it’s not my business. He’s not the only one that’s keeping secrets. 

…

The bell’s ringing pierces through the air, calling students to return to their classes. Even though all of us are in the same grade, Rudy and Rowan both are in different classes than mine, which is probably why we have never seen each other before. 

 Just a few more hours until the day is over. Hopefully, I’ll survive till then.

On the way, we pass through a group of students who are leaning against the wall corridor, chatting amongst themselves. I half-expect Mike to be one of them, but he is nowhere to be found. May it stay that way for the rest of this school year. 

None of us exchange a word, before one of them perks his head towards us. “You got yourself some new weirdos to hang out with, Rudy. Desperate for some new company, eh?”

Rudy, upon hearing his name, suddenly stops dead in his tracks. His face gives out an unpleasant feeling like he is in discomfort. He refuses to turn towards that person, his back is still facing him. 

“Hmph, don’t even wanna look at me now, huh? I still remember the day when you used to sulk all by yourself. You look so pathetic back then. I felt bad, but eh, you kinda deserve it.”

“The hell you want, Zack? I thought you already decided to never talk to me again.” Rudy snarls. The tone of his voice emits bitterness, hiding an absurd amount of grudge. 

Zack continues to play with his hair, giving off this holier-than-thou attitude. “Nothing, really. I’m just surprised you manage to move on, that’s all…”

“Tch…” Wanting to leave as soon as possible, Rudy begins to open his steps once more. I can’t shake off this uneasiness within me. I want to help, but at the same time, I know damn well there’s nothing I can do for him.

“…I do wonder, though. How long will it take before you leave them, like you leave us?”

Like a skilled, experienced hunter, the words go straight through Rudy’s heart. He finally turns towards Zack, giving an icy cold stare, so cold my body begins to freeze. 

What is that look? It’s hard to describe it, but it’s enough to send chills all over. Terrifying. 

Zack, feeling satisfied with what he did, slowly backs away and walks in the opposite direction, leaving the three of us alone. 

“Rudy, are you okay?” Rowan’s words of comfort comforted no one as the boy lightly scoffed before walking away, none a word escapes his lips. 

“What is that all about?” I can’t help but ask. The flower boy looks at me, giving me a look of uncertainty, before slowly shaking his head. “It’s better if you ask him yourself that. It’s quite sensitive to him, after all…”

Well, now that he puts it that way, even I’m not that keen to know. To confront someone about touchy stuff is basically a red flag, like an unarmed person walking straight into a lion’s den. They do say that curiosity killed the cat. If the result may make things worse, or even destroy the only relationship I have right now, then it is simply not worth the risk.

“Now, come on, Sunny. We’ll be late for class at this rate.”

5 months left…

Sleepovers are a thing of the past, a memory ingrained deep into my mind bringing me back to when times were simple, where we were able to laugh and have fun without worrying about the next group assignment or your next part-time job shift. Watching late-night movies with the boys while chilling in a couch fort, sneakily eating junk foods which Mom would definitely scold me for, staying up late just chatting about random stuff, like comics or games. Even love, if we were feeling quite adventurous. Poor Hero being a victim of an endless barrage of questions, like what did he like about Mari, or who confessed first. Though, Aubrey was the one that had such an interest in that stuff. Kel and I were too busy watching Captain Spaceboy traversing through space. 

I thought sleepovers are a thing of the past, at least until my two new friends suddenly suggested coming over. 

It was a bit awkward at first, them coming to my small apartment and all. Is my place even suitable for a sleepover? Not only it is quite cramped and small, but it also doesn’t have the inviting atmosphere like the one back in Faraway. Would they feel comfortable spending the night here? I tried to give them multiple reasons to change their minds, but it was fruitless as every single one of my attempts met with them shaking their heads, saying “Yeah, we know. Still don’t care.”

I can’t understand them, sometimes.

And so, here we are in this small bedroom of mine, as I awkwardly sit on my bed, watching these two study the interiors of my chambers, though there’s not that much to look at. A desktop computer over there, a study table beside it. 

Well, there is a sizable box storing all my plushies, and I admit, it is quite embarrassing to see them checking it. A 17-year-old teenager who still plays with plushies, how weird is that? 

“So, these are from your childhood, Sunny? I’m surprised you haven’t thrown them away yet.” Rudy asks while holding one of my plushies, Mrs. Plantegg. 

I immediately nod my head. “Feels bad to throw them all away.”

“Ah, I understand. I have one at home, you know. Just like this one, although the design is a bit different.”

“…you have Mr. Plantegg?”

The blue-haired boy raises his eyebrow. “I don’t remember what’s it called like, but probably, yeah.”

Rowan, on the other hand, is sitting at the study table, probably looking at my desktop computer. Does he want to play my games? It’s not that many, and some of them are old retro ones. I’m not sure if someone his age would find my weird tastes in games interesting.

But nope, his hands instead land on a small grey box which is right next to my computer. “Damn bro, you got a lot of eye patches!”

Oh, that. 

I watch as the brown-haired boy rummages through the box before pulling one out. Particularly, the one with a cartoonish drawing of a cat’s face slapped on top of it. The background is light pink with small white paws haphazardly thrown at it.

Of course, he has to take THAT one out.

 I randomly found that design while I was at a shopping store once. Well, at the kids’ section, to be precise. So, something with a cat design is not entirely out of place. It’s childish, but it’s also cats. Cats! How can anyone resist their cute meows!? 

I wait for his comment on how ridiculous it is, but no. He instead looks at it, blinks for a few seconds, then puts it back into the box, without saying anything.

“…”

He has to be judging me, surely. That look of emptiness on his face, at least show some reaction, damn it!

 Rowan suddenly asks, snapping me back to reality. “You know, Sunny. I don’t understand why you still wear an eyepatch at home. Wouldn’t it feel uncomfortable?”

Panic slowly rises, and my finger instinctively lands on my current eyepatch. “Oh, that…that…”

How can I tell them? That I still feel uncomfortable with them seeing my scar? There’s a lot of history with this eye, one I wish I don’t have to remember. Yet every time I look at the mirror, it’s always there, reminding me of my mistakes. My eyes both tell a different story: one that looks towards the future, and one that is stuck in the past. 

I still have nightmares to this day. The memory of that night is still fresh in my mind like it was just yesterday. I, struggling to breathe, gasping for air. He, with his garden shears dangerously close to my face, and then…

“C’mon, Rowan. You know Sunny is still not comfortable with that, yet. Let’s give him some time.” Rudy lightly taps my shoulder, gently smiling at me. I already cause so much trouble for everyone around me, and these two don’t need to concern themselves over my well-being. 

Yet, isn’t that what friends are supposed to do?

I silently apologise to both of them. We have been friends for almost half a year, and there is still a barrier that I set up between us. 

…

After some time fooling around, Rowan finally cuts to the chase. The static noise greets us as he boots up my computer. “So, what kind of games you got here?” Rowan asks, curiosity oozes from his voice. His eyes frantically search for anything interesting at the desktop before something catches his attention. 

 “Woah, holy shit dude, you got Lego Racer!?”

I nod. “It’s been a while since I played it. You play it too?”

“Of course, I do! Do you know how long I search for people who play it? Most of them only play the Mario ones…oh man, I’m so happy!”

Rowan starts to hyperventilate like an excited puppy receiving a brand-new toy from its owner as the game menu pops up from the screen. “I can’t believe someone actually plays this game…” 

I couldn’t help but smile. Seeing him happy like this instead of being angry is certainly a welcoming scenery. I didn’t do much, but if this can cause him happiness, then I would like to do some more for him.

“So, you must be a fan of Legos, right Sunny?”

“…oh, I’m actually not that much of a fan. I just play their game, that’s all.”

…

Oh no.

Why did I just blurt that out, in my usual deadpan voice, even? Him being all giddy from knowing I own that game is already enough hints to know how much of a stan he is. 

And just like that, the excited puppy Rowan is reduced to atoms, the only one that remains is the sad, pitiful puppy who looks like it has been gutted at the stomach multiple times. His eyes, once filled with stars and glitter, now devoid of light, replaced by an eternal dread. There is no more hope in this unjust world. 

“…oh…I see…”

A light chuckle comes from behind, it seems Rudy finds this little show amusing. “Don’t worry, Sunny. That boy’s just being dramatic.” He is still holding that plantegg plushie, like it is his own child. “Rowan here is a big, big, Lego fan. His room is full of that stuff, you gotta watch your step if you don’t wanna break anything. There are sets of buildings, Star Wars stuffs, Bionicle—”

“Damn it, Rudy. Don’t spoil it!”

“Pshh, you’re going to tell him anyway.”

Although I’m not that familiar with Legos, I do understand its appeal. Building things straight from your imagination, creating your own world…

…damn, kid me would have been obsessed with those kinds of stuff.

“So, you’re a Lego fan, huh?” I ask. 

“Yeah, what about it?” He replies. A bit of harshness can be heard from his voice. I don’t mean to make fun of him whatsoever. In fact, I…

“No, no…I just thought it’s cool and all, that you have such a big collection…”

“…oh…thanks…”

“…”

He looks bashful, for some reason. Did I somehow offend him again? Ugh, dealing with people can be a pain sometimes. 

 “See, Rowan? No need to be ashamed of being a Lego fan.” 

“S-shut up, man…”

…

It’s finally nighttime, and all three of us are preparing to sleep, even though it’s still 11 pm. Mom is here, after all, so everything she says, goes. 

“You kids need to get enough sleep, you hear me? Staying up late is bad for your health.”

Man, when did Mom ever get this bossy? She never said this to me when it is just the two of us. Speaking of her, she was extremely happy today. The smile never left her lips, even the menu for today was something out of a luxury hotel. I mean, steak, and it’s well made? That’s like once in a blue moon. 

She’s probably happy that I brought some friends here. she was so ecstatic when she heard about the sleepover. It’s a step forward, she said. 

I can’t help but be at ease too. If she’s happy, then I’m happy. And I certainly don’t want to ruin her good mood by staying up late like an owl. 

So here we are, three sleeping bags on the bedroom floor, alongside some cushions for that extra comfiness. They keep insisting me to sleep on the bed since I am the owner of this house, but it just feels unfair for them. Luckily, they give in to my request, and now all of us are simply staring at the ceiling, letting the stillness of air slowly envelop us, my nightstand being the only source of light. It does feel awkward sleeping in the middle of two other people, the last thing I did this was when I slept with Mom and Dad, and that was ages ago.

Rowan starts first, breaking the silent ambience. “Your mom’s nice, Sunny. Though she can be a bit strict at times.”

I let out a chuckle. “Eh, you’ll get used to it.”

“Still, this is getting boring. What kind of people goes to sleep at 11? That’s no fun.”

Another silence.

“…c’mon, let’s talk about something. I know for a fact you guys are not sleepy yet.”

“Then, bring up something, idiot. What you got in that head of yours?” Rudy silently barks from the corner.

“A lot of things, mind you. Legos, movies, girls…”

…

Why is there a slight pause at the ‘girls’ part?

Oh no, I can guess where this is going. Rowan’s snicker laugh can be heard from the dark.

“So, Sunny…” I internally sigh, mentally facepalming myself. “You seeing anyone lately?”

“N-no, actually…” A timid answer, but an honest one. The idea of dating someone sounds exciting, but I’m not sure if I can handle that. Mentally, that is. 

“Ugh, bummer. How about any crushes, though? And don’t say you don’t have any, cos that’s a freaking lie.”

“Crushes, huh?” My mind begins to wander around several places, trying to remember some of their faces. Me and crushes, we go a long way. At that time of age where lots of boys threw silly jeers at girls, I never did those kinds of stuff. Maybe because I had a girl around my friend circle.

Perhaps that’s why I already had crushes before I even realised, I liked girls. 

A face pops out in my mind. “Well, maybe Jessica—”

Just before I could explain, Rowan lets out this annoyingly-exaggerated yawn. “Boring, next.”

Le gasp. “W-what’s wrong with her?”

“Sunny, everyone likes Jessica. I swear if I hear any more people fawn over her, I’m going to lose it.”

I mean, she is the most popular girl in school: tall figure, long brown hair, sky blue eyes. Plus, she’s the student council president. You would be mad not to at least crush on her.

“Got anyone else?”

I put my hand on my chin, pulling a thinking pose. “Well, there’s Gwen, the school athlete. Then, my classmate, Julia. Then, there’s this blonde girl I met at the cafeteria a few times. Is it Susan, Susie? I can’t remember. Oh, there’s this girl who—”

“Whoa whoa whoa, slow down there. You can’t date all of them at once!”

I look at him, eyebrows slightly raised. “But I’m not planning to, though.”

“Eh?”

Rowan gives me a puzzled look. Is it that weird of a thing to do? Those girls are way out of my league, so the chances of dating them are basically zero. Why even bother trying? And I don’t think I even fit their tastes in men. Who would want to date someone who wears an eyepatch?

Leaving the confused boy aside, I turn my attention towards my other guest. “You okay, Rudy? You seem awfully quiet.”

“Ah, of course he is.” The Lego-loving boy replies in an unusually smug tone. “Our friend here needs no crushes, for he is already taken.

I immediately turn my head to the left, and it seems what Rowan said is spot on. I expect a reaction out of him, but instead, he lets out a slight groan, turning his back towards us. I swear I could see some shades of red on his face.

No way. You gotta be pulling my leg right now…

I turn back towards Rowan, his shit-eating grin is still on his face. “Rudy has a girlfriend!?”

“Well yes, my dear Sunny. You would think someone like him would date girls like Jessica, but no, our boy here prefers the…mysterious type, you might say. She is a librarian, you see, and one day—”

“Rowaaan…” The blue-haired boy finally faces us, and his face is super flustered, like a tomato with a big blue brand sticker slapped on top of it. “She’s my girlfriend, let me be the one that tell him.”

“Alright, man. Whatever you say~”

I still couldn’t believe what my eyes are-well, eye is seeing. Another new side of Rudy I get to witness today. 

I face the lovestruck boy, and I can feel a small smug slowly creeps on my face. Damn, it seems this sappy mood is really taking me away.

“Ugh, not you too, Sunny…” Rudy roughly sighs before relaxes a little. “Her name’s Hiyori. She usually spends her time at the school library, so you might not see her often. Dark brown eyes, black hair, nothing that stands out. She does tie her hair in a pigtail, though. Cute…” A soft chuckle escapes his lips.

“Heh, cute he says…”

“Tch, be quiet, Rowan. Nobody asks for your opinion.”

“Alright man, chill. No need to be so over-protective, hehe.”

I’m not the type that always brings up girls whenever we talk, but this is really enjoyable. Mostly due to Rudy’s so out-of-character behaviour. 

The longer this goes, the more curious I become. “Why did you fall for her, then?” 

“W-why!?” He stammers, the blush on his face deepens. “W-well, that’s because…”

Silence fills the room as we wait for his response, our eyes are all fixated on Rudy, who awkwardly fidgets around his sleeping bag. The room feels hot, for some reason.

“W-well, she’s a really nice person, caring, smart…” He brings his fingers out one by one, counting his reasons why. A few drops of sweat can be seen rolling on his forehead, his voice becomes more ragged, like a student being called out to talk in front of the public. “And she’s p-pretty too. The way she daydreams sometimes is r-really cute…a-and…and…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…ahh, this is too embarrassing. Let’s talk about something else!” Rudy shuts off immediately as he faces away from us, hiding his face. I, on the other hand, am dying of either cringe or second-hand embarrassment, tightly covering my face, squirming inside. Rowan hasn’t moved an inch, his soul probably leaves his body, venturing towards the other world.

I learn something new today. Lovestruck Rudy is cursed, and should never be seen again. It should be kept inside a locked box, and be buried six feet under. Then, millennial years later, aliens would discover it, reminding that humanity was indeed, a weird species. 

Colour begins to return to Rowan’s pale face, as he suddenly perks up, his eyes looking straight at the computer. “I suddenly have this urge to kill something.”

“Well, I have Max Payne.”

“No, I already played that.”

“Then, how about Unreal Tournament? You can see limbs and all that fun stuff.”

“…that’ll do.”

After Rowan marches towards the battlefield, and a reminder from me to keep the volume low, I take one last glance towards Rudy, who is now curling himself into a ball, his hands covering his face like a Disney princess who is moping due to missing out on her meeting with a prince. What a cursed image. That’s already two eye-gouging abominations I witness today. 

Love can make you do weird things. 

3 months left…

It took a while, but after multiple attempts, I finally got the chance to visit Rowan’s house, which is not that far from where I live. His parents are out on a vacation, probably for their wedding anniversary, and his two elder sisters are busy with work, so it’s just him at the house. Being the only boy out of his siblings, it can get pretty lonely sometimes.

I was expecting Mom to initially oppose the plan, but the moment she knew about it, she sprung in joy, telling me to go out and have fun. I have been getting on Mom’s good side lately, hopefully, I can keep up the good streak.

But no sleepover, though. Oh well, beggars can’t be choosers.

After meeting up with Rudy at the bus station and a 15-minute ride, we are now standing in front of Rowan’s humble home, which is a simple terrace house. A part of me is expecting a big bungalow with three fancy cars and a pool at the side, along with a butler greeting us with a thick British accent. But instead of a wealthy-looking butler, it is good ol’ Rowan at the front door, still wearing that flower pin attached.

Going inside his house, its interiors really hammer home of what a ‘humble home’ really is. Pots of flowers are spotted on the tables, a wide living room consists of few cushions and a medium-sized television, family portraits are proudly hung on the wall, furniture that doesn’t look too modernized nor it’s taken straight out of the Victorian England era.

It’s a simple house filled with warmth and comfort, the kind in which most American kids dreamed of growing up. I was expecting Rowan’s room to be more or less the same.

Well, I was half-right.

Rudy once told me of Rowan’s Lego collection, but I didn’t expect the room to be absolutely packed with it. There’s a tall cabinet containing multiple rows filled with various modular buildings, weapons, ships all made by Lego. There are replicas of houses that came from various ages, many world monuments, and lots of Star Wars related stuffs. At his window, you can spot a row of Bionicle characters, all lined up like soldiers readying to enter a warzone. On his study table is a medium-sized cottage replica, probably his very own dream home. But why a cottage, though?

I stand there, looking at the room dumbfounded. It’s nice and all, but wouldn’t you feel a bit stressed? What if you knock one of these things down? It must take tons of patience to build even one of these.

“Well, what do you think, Sunny?” The owner of the house asks me with a small grin, probably is satisfied by my reaction.

“It’s…amazing, really. Such a large collection…”

“Oh, it’s not that big…” A slight blush formed on his cheeks. “I’m planning to build my very own Lego City, maybe after I move out of here. A single room, only for my Lego buildings. It’s gonna be heaven, I tell you.”

As he continues his ramblings, my eyes land on the Death Star replica. There is an urge within me to pick it up to get a closer look, but I feel like one simple touch will break it to pieces. I am here to make friends, not enemies.

Rudy suddenly taps me from behind, mischief can be sensed from his smirk. “It’s nice, isn’t it? Makes you want to take it and just, throw it on the floor as hard as you could.” He whispers.

“That’s bad. We can’t do that.” I whisper back, trying to play the moral ground.

“Oh c’mon, just imagine the look on his face when that happens.”

That scenery starts to play on my head. The blood on my hands as I drop this boy’s handicraft onto the ground, destroying his hours of blood and sweat. Rowan, now rolling down on the floor, squirming around while throwing insults and swear words.

While imagining that peak comedy, I don’t even realise a small smirk forming on my face, and Rudy seems to notice it, giving me a light elbow.

“Don’t give him any funny ideas, Rudy. And stay away from my Death Star! I don’t want your dirty hands to touch it.”

“C’mon bro, still salty over the last accident? I told you I’m sorry.”

“Sorry, my ass! Do you know how long it took to build that?”

“There was a roach right next to my feet at that time. The Death Star was on my hands, so I thought I could kill it.”

“We have a spray for that, you idiot! The hell you think I bought it for, decoration!?”

…

After calming down, the three of us finally do the thing we come here for, which is to play some games. Rowan is really excited to show us his Xbox 360, and I can’t help but feel giddy too. My only source of entertainment is my desktop computer, and while the games in there are fun, it’s about to get stale. And I heard that console can also play multiplayer, so that’s something to look forward to.

We decide to play some Call of Duty 3 online matches, each of us taking turns each time we complete a match. We are worried at first since losing in a ranked match can cause your level to fall down, but Rowan doesn’t seem to mind. Lucky us.

“Damn Sunny, how do you even get that kill? I didn’t even notice him!”

“You’re pretty good at this. Play for all my games then, Sunny. I’m going to get a high level at this rate.”

I couldn’t help but smile at their praises. On one hand, my humble self wants to tell them that anyone can do this with a bit of practice, but my ego demands these peasants sing my name until night falls, as I have reached the apex of gaming one could wish they attain.

Calm down, Sunny. It’s just a game.

The game continues with me contributing the most kills to our team. The controls take some time getting used to, but once you do, it’s like a walk in a park, or a battlefield in this case.

Rudy suddenly taps me from behind. “You know, there’s this guy that keeps dying to you, the one with the ‘Death Reaper’ username. You really hate him, huh?”  

I shrug. “Eh, free kill. It’s his fault for leaving such an open space.”

The game ends with us winning by a large margin. I pass the controller to Rowan since it’s his turn to play. Man, it feels really good to be a pro in something.

Rowan suddenly speaks up, noticing something strange. “Who the hell is sending me these voice messages?” We check the inbox, and sure enough, it’s the ‘Death Reaper’ fellow. Tons of messages are sent, some varying from 30 seconds to a minute each. “Uh oh, looks like someone’s not that happy.”

“Well, should we check it?”

“Why not? He seems to have a lot of time in his hands to send us a message.”

With a press of a button, the voice message unravels before us. At a split second, we unanimously decide it’s a bad idea, and to make things worse, we set the TV volume quite high.

“YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER PIECE OF SHIT I HOPE YOUR MUM DIES YEAH YOU DICKHEAD HOW ABOUT PLAY THE GAME FOR REAL FOR ONCE YEAH YOU THINK YOU REAL SHIT HUH LET’S FACE ONE ON ONE THEN I’LL FUCKING BITE YOUR FACE OFF YOU LITTLE SHIT FUCK OFF—”

“Turn it off, Rowan! Turn that shit off!”

…

Silence fills the room for a moment, each one of us taking in on what just transpired, before bursting out into laughter.

“Oh man, you really pissed him off, Sunny. He was fuming over it, hihihi.”

I can feel my cheeks beginning to ache. It has been a long time since I laughed this hard, and to think that something as vulgar as this will make me lose it is just too perfect.

A light bulb appears in my head. It’s quite rude, but I just know it will be worth it.

“It seems like he’s still online. Start a voice chat with him.”

Both of them look at me with surprise. “You’re not serious, are you?”

I give them a thumbs up. “Don’t worry. I'll handle it.”

After some time, we finally get in contact with this ‘xxDeathReaper69xx’ fellow. Rudy and Rowan are sitting far back from the console, leaning against the wall while their hands are covering their mouths, trying to hold back laughter. I mentally prepare myself, bringing out my infamous poker face and my deadpan voice.

“What’d you want?”

...wait, what?

Hold up for a moment. The tone of that voice belongs to a girl. 

Could it be his daughter? But the response sounds so harsh, which means this person knows the intent of this call.

Don't tell me...the one that has been murdering their throat just now was this girl?

An image of a girl screaming into the mic like an absolute maniac…

Whatever, focus Sunny. Don’t let that distract you from your original goal.

“I want to know why you just shout at me down the microphone.”

“Why did I shout at you at the microphone for? Pave your fucking mouth, yeah? You keep aiming at me, even though there are other players out there. You got a problem, dipshit? Huh? You wanna brawl? Come meet me face to face then. Meet me at Faraway, AND I’LL BREAK YOUR FUCKING LEGS, YOU LITTLE DICKLESS BRAT! YOU WILL SEE! YOU WILL FUCKING SEE!”

Oh, this is getting even better. “Oi, stop shouting at the mic.” I reply back in a very polite, civilized manner.

“SHOUTING? SHOUTING? I’LL RIP YOUR VOICE BOX OUT OF YOUR THROAT, YOU FUCK! COME TO FARAWAY I’LL FUCK YOU UP! COME TO FARAWAY NOW, AND I’LL FUCK YOU UP! I’LL TELL YOU WHERE I LIVE. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE I LIVE!? I LIVE IN FUCKING FARAWAY. NOW COME, AND I’LL KILL YA!”

I take one short glance at Rudy and Rowan, who are seemingly dying at the corner, holding their laughter as best as they could.

“You won’t kill me—”

“I WON’T!? I FUCKING WON’T!?”

“Uh, excuse me. You won’t kill me cause I’m a gangster.”

…

…

…

…

…

“Look, now SHUT UP YOU DICKHEAD, NOW FUCK OFF! DON’T CALL ME AGAIN, SO FUCK OFF!”

…

‘xxDeathReaper69xx’ has left the chat.’

Suffice to say, the three of us spend the rest of our afternoon laughing our butts off. I probably shouldn’t have done that, but damn, it’s worth it. Although, there is something she said that bothers me a bit.

…did she say she’s from Faraway?

1 week left…

“So, Sunny. How have you been so far?” Mom suddenly asks, opening up our dinner conversation. She sits right across from me, eating fried rice which she ordered from a nearby Chinese restaurant. Her schedule recently has been overloaded with work. The constant over time she had to take caused her to come back late, it really has been doing a toll on her.

I wish she could just take it slow, but I know whatever I said would only pass through her ears. That is also one of the reasons why I take up a part-time job. It’s a nearby fast-food restaurant a few walking distances from here. The pay is not that great, but I’ll take whatever I can get. As long as I could ease Mom’s burdens, even for just a bit.

“Well, so far so good. I think I can manage.”

“Okay…” She lets out a small chuckle. “How about school? Have those two friends of yours been treating you well? And have you been treating them well?”

“Yes, Mom. They have been great. I’m glad to have met them.”

The rice here tastes a bit salty. Every time we order fried rice from this place, it always has the same problem. Does Mom not realise this? I need to remind her, one of these days.

“How about your studies?”

“Erm, I’m struggling a bit, but I think I can keep up.”

“Oh, dear. Do you need some help with that? Mommy may not look like it, but I used to be a top 5 student in my class.”

I shake my head. “It’s okay, Mom. I just need to review some parts in the textbook, and I’ll be good.”

“I see.” A slight pause. “Does the counsellor say anything lately?”

“They said it’s been good progress. Though, I still need to rely on the meds for a while now.”

“Hopefully you don’t need to take those anymore.”

“Yeah…”

…

We continue our dinner in silence, letting the sounds emitted from the television fill the ambience of our apartment room. Apparently, the hot news currently is about the next election, or something like that, not like I have any particular interest in it. The only time I turn the TV on is for background noises, or if there’s an anime show that’s airing at that time.

“You’ve changed, Sunny.”

I raise my head, looking straight at her. The wrinkles on her face begin to show even more, and some of her hair strands start to lose their colour. The person who is sitting in front of me has already passed her prime, age is slowly catching up to her.

But despite of all that, there is still this feeling of warmth radiating from her, the feeling of comfort that pulls you to just bathe in it. Her smile, so small yet so bright, assuring you that even if the world is against you, there is still someone that will support you. Beneath all that is a woman, who may make mistakes in the past, but at the end of the day, still cares about her son.

“You actually smile a lot more, have been a lot more outgoing, and overall, just looking healthier. I still remember a year ago, how you look like you were suffering. Every day, you hung your head down, never once looked up into the sky, and that worried me a lot. I was afraid that you would never come back, and I am glad I was proven wrong.”

Hearing Mom says those things make me a bit nostalgic. These past few months have been a rollercoaster: too many highs and lows, and it never slows down even a bit. I was forced to grip the rails called life, sometimes wondering what would happen if I just let go. Yet, a part of me kept holding on, and now here I am. One year later, and I already made some memories here in this city.

 I still don’t have it in me to say that I deserve all of this. But maybe someday, I will.

I slowly turn my spoon around, making small circular motions on the golden rice. “It’s nothing, Mom. You’re the one that helped me a lot.”

“Oh, Sunny, please. Let’s be honest here. I did nothing, it was all you.”

I could only muster a smile. How am I supposed to reply to what seems to be a grand statement? I was the one that did all of this? This cry-baby actually did something positive in his life? It was good, too good to be true. I even pinched myself in the cheek sometimes, wondering whether all of this was a dream or not.

Maybe there is still hope left, after all.

“Oh, that reminds me. Do you remember what month it is, dear?”

“It’s October, what about it?” My gut can already tell where is she going by this, but I decide to not push it and let her be the one that starts it.

“It has been 5 years now, right? Heh, time sure does fly when you’re not looking.”

I silently nod. It really has been that long. There are nights where I wondered, if she is still here with us, what would she think about the current me? Will she be happy? Proud? Nostalgic, even? That her little brother is now in high school, living through the same thrills she once did? Struggling through the troubles she once did?

“I remember a year ago, how you said you wanted to visit Faraway again…”

That memory is still vividly etched into my mind, burned into it like a photograph. The way I raise my voice at her. It is something I wish I don’t have to experience again.

“It’s okay, Mom. At that time, I only think about myself. I never consider what you were feeling at that moment.”

She slowly shakes her head. “No, Sunny. You were not in the wrong. You just wanted to visit Mari. I was the one that’s being selfish. I was afraid, that something might happen to you again, and you know I can’t afford to lose you too. You are the only one I have left.”

“…”

“No, perhaps I was just protecting myself. I wanted to forget, to just run away from all of it. But I know, the more you run, the deeper, more terrible it grows behind you. I never once consider that you might not think the same, Sunny.”

I can feel the tears start to well. There is a voice deep within, growling at the deepest depths, that wants nothing more than to blame every single misfortune on her. Her inability to take care of me, her neglect, her stubbornness…

But there is also a small whisper, telling me that what she did was the right thing. Maybe, I wasn’t ready. Maybe, I needed more time to think things through.

Mom has always meant well. Even though she might stumble here and there, she still cares about me. And I care for her too.

“It’s okay, Mom. It’s all in the past now.”

Our conversation paused with another silence. The ambient noises of cars honking outside fill the otherwise quiet night with a semblance of normality.

It’s hard to describe what I’m feeling at the moment, but I can say for certain that I am happy. Very, very happy.

“Are you planning to visit her this year, dear?” She suddenly asks. I find myself tongue-tied facing her question. I would’ve answered yes in a heartbeat, but I don’t want this decision to happen at the expense of her happiness. It should be honest and sincere, not out of sympathy.

“I do, but it’s okay if you’re not feeling comfortable with it. There is always time for that…”

“Sunny…” She looks at me with such affection, her voice is as gentle as a falling feather, gracefully reaching my ears. “…don’t worry about me. What is it that you want?”

What do I want?

That is a question I often ask myself, yet each time, I couldn’t find an answer to it. I was never the one to lead the charge or be upfront about my opinions on a matter. As long as the majority agrees with it, then I too shall follow suit.

Yet, there comes a time where I have no one to lean on. Where everything falls onto my shoulders. And I alone have to make a decision whether I like it or not.

“What do I want?”

A year ago, a question was raised, and I have to choose. To live in a world full of fantasy and lies, or a reality of pain and suffering, but with a glimmer of hope. And I said…

“I want to forgive myself.”

And now, here I am again, being given yet another choice. To stay here being content with the present, or to confront the past once more. There is still that uneasiness, that feeling of being watched, just waiting for the moment I slip up. Many things can go wrong, this I know.

But this time, I think I can handle it. My time over there doesn’t have to be that long. Just go straight to the cemetery, say the things I want to say, then leave. It wouldn’t even take more than half an hour.

My mind is made up. I look at Mom straight in the eye, pushing any sort of doubts or anxiety away. With a single breath and a sense of determination, I give her my answer.

“I want to visit her.”

Mom only replies with a smile, knowing full well that’s the response I give. She softly lets out a sigh, before longingly looks at-no, looks through me, as if my whole life is showcased right before her very eyes.

“The look in your eyes just now…you really are Mari’s little brother.”

I slowly rub the back of my head, feeling a tinge of embarrassment. I don’t think I can ever be like her, and I don’t have to. I am me, and nothing’s wrong with that.

Just a few days left, and I will finally be back. To where everything started. To where my story began.

Wait for me, Mari. Your little brother is coming to visit.

Chapter Text

There is always this feeling of nostalgia, wistful longing for the old days whenever you return to your hometown. Whether it is to visit your parents, or just simply to escape the hectic life in the city, it always feels bittersweet to come back to your roots. Makes you wonder what would happen had you not moved out. Would you remain the same person as you are now?

The ride back to the quiet town is well…quiet. From the constant car horns and traffic jams to the quiet, yet calming highway, it relaxes the nerves, probing me to close my eyes and be swayed by dreams. There are only a few passengers, and since the bus is quite spacious, we all have the luxury of not having to sit beside each other. More privacy is always a good thing.  

Our only source of entertainment aside from the beautiful landscape of the sky is the bus’s old radio blaring some pop song, along with the driver singing along, having fun. His talent in singing is questionable, but hey, a happy driver is a happy ride.

Video killed the radio star!

Video killed the radio star! 

“I don’t know the damn lyrics! Oh-a-a-a-oh!”

Leaning back into my seat, I let out a small chuckle. Should’ve brought a music player along…

“Faraway Town!”

When I was but a young child, I used to wonder about my name a lot. ‘Sunny’. Like, is that a common name, or something? Having my name based on a type of weather is not what I expected. Once, I asked Mom about it, even childishly wanted her to change it to something more cool-sounding, say, ‘Space-Boy’, for example. Mom only smiled at me, lightly patted my small head, before replying:

“Isn’t sunny a great weather? Whenever it’s sunny outside, we can go out and play with our friends. You know, on the day you were born, there was a heavy storm all over. Thunder, lightning, even your daddy got scared. Then, the moment you were born, the rainstorm stopped, and a big ray of sunshine shined from the windows. That’s why I named you that, dear. We want you to shine on everyone else’s lives, just like you did with ours.”

It gave me a sense of pride, knowing that I was able to make my parents happier, to be a blessing in this small family of ours.

…

…

…

But I should’ve known better.

From the bus, I see vibrant colours everywhere. The town may be small, but it was filled with such joy and happiness, you couldn’t help but wonder what sort of people live there for it to be so colourful.

Yet, the moment I set my foot on its soil, the warmth I am accustomed to instantly evaporated, making me cold inside. Gone are the colours of red, yellow, and orange, now replaced with monochromes of black and white. In an instant, the town feels…dead. Lifeless. Abandoned.

It’s as if my very presence is an omen. Wherever I go, the rain follows.

Whatever. That is the least of my concern. Remember what you come here for.

And so, with a heavy sigh, I march my way towards the cemetery.

…

As I walk among these streets, which were my playground once upon a time, I realise there are not that many cars driving on the road, nor the passing pedestrians. Granted, there are still people here and there, minding their own business, but comparing this to the bustling city, it’s like comparing heaven and earth. 

Living in the city is indeed more convenient. Everything that you ever need is there, whether it’s simply basic needs or entertainment. However, you have to bear with the constant car horns blaring the air, the stress-inducing traffic jams, and due to it being so packed and rushed, you have no time to know each other. Everyone is for themselves.

In a small town like Faraway, while yes, it is certainly lacking in some parts, it is not as stressful as in the city. You can take it slow here, and its small community pushes you to be more friendly with everyone.

I guess there is no such thing as a perfect place to live. If you are the type that can put up with its problems, then good for you.

After a few minutes, the sight of an old church finally enters my vision. Dried leaves can be seen landing on its roof as the warm sun shines behind it. Feels like it’s taken straight out from a painting canvas.

I slowly push open the door, expecting some sort of sermon to take place, only to be met with dead silence. Not even the pastor is seen anywhere.

Well, fine by me. It’s not like I’m looking forward to seeing anyone or anything. The fewer people that I stumble upon, the better.

The sounds of my shoes echo through the walls as I make my way towards the cemetery. It might just be the wind of autumn, but I can feel goosebumps all over. These walls and corridors begin to whisper among themselves, telling me to turn back and walk away.

Am I…getting cold feet?

No. After all of this, I can’t fall back now. Mom already trusts me enough to let me come back here. If I falter now, there will be no second chance.

With a twist of a knob, I open the door, and right before my eyes, is the land of the dead.

…

It’s quite nostalgic. The last time I was here, we were having a picnic to remind us of simpler times.

When we were all happy.

When we were smiling, not giving a care about the world.

When you were still with us.

My legs begin to move on their own. There is no need for any conscious actions, my body knows where it needs to go. For we are connected by blood.

The time when you baked cookies for us, I had to fight my urge from gobbling it all. Not only because of how delicious it was but because it was made with your hands. 

Sounds of dried leaves being crunched can be heard as I steadied my pace towards it.

Those hands held me very tight, protecting me from any sort of harm.

The soft wind blows on my face, letting my black hair flow freely.

Those hands that saved me once from death’s embrace.

I pass through the Faraway statue, proudly stand at the center, acting sort of as a guardian.

Those hands created magic that allured even the toughest hearts, melting it as the music notes danced around their ears, pulling its audience to a world full of imaginations. 

My legs finally stop, as I stand in front of a particular tombstone, looking over it with somber. A sentence is carved at the stone, signifying whose resting place this belongs to.

Those hands could only belong to you. You, who I cherished so dearly.

‘To our dearest, Mari Suzuki. The sun shined brighter when she was here.’

…

“H-Hey, Mari. It’s me, Sunny…hope you still remember me.”

If you told me a year ago, that I would be standing in front of my sister’s grave, paying her a visit like any other normal brother, I would’ve called you insane. Thinking back on it, on that day, was visiting her really my intention, or was it just an excuse to run away?

I guess it doesn’t matter, now.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Sorry, I don’t come here often; life is quite busy these days. I don’t live here anymore. Mom wants us to move to the city, saying we need new scenery for a change. At first, I was against it, because that would mean leaving this place. But, perhaps, Mom was right.”

I realise the amount of stammer doesn’t come as often now. Probably because there’s no one here. Just the two of us.

“I’ve been doing well, recently. I eat a lot more, went outside, attended school. I even made some new friends there. It’s not that many, but I appreciate their company. I wish I could introduce them to you.”

A soft sigh escapes my lips. “It still feels like a dream. A year ago, I wouldn’t have imagined myself living life like this. Taking part-time jobs, worrying about homework. It’s too good to be true. I honestly don’t deserve it…”

I immediately shake my head, dispelling those thoughts. I need to stop talking like that, especially now that she’s with me. What would she think if she sees me like this?

“A-anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I’ve been taking care of myself, just like you want me to. I hope I make you proud…”

“…”

The only thing that answers me is the soft breeze of the wind, carrying some of the dried leaves off the ground, letting it dance around the air before it falls with grace. From the corner of my eye, I spot an orange cat soundly sleeping right next to her grave, enjoying the windy season. It looks so peaceful as if nothing in the world could bother it at the moment.

I couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh, by the way, I’m already seventeen years old. They do say you get more mature as you grow, but honestly, I just feel the same...speaking about birthdays, here’s a funny story.”

Feeling eager to share it with her, I take a glance at the ground, checking if it’s dirty or not, before landing my butt on it. There is no mattress here, but no matter. This pair of pants is going to get washed, anyway.

“On the day of my birthday, Mom and I didn’t celebrate it. Not because we decided not to or anything, but because both of us completely forgot about it! It was not only a week after, Mom suddenly exclaimed that we missed the date. Hehe, I can’t exactly blame her. She was super busy with work, and to be fair, even I didn’t realise it.”

“To make up for it, she decided to give me a cake as a gift. But here’s the catch, it’s not store-made, she was going to bake it herself. I told her many times she didn’t have to, but she insisted, saying this was her way to make amends or some sort.”

“After buying the ingredients, we started baking. It was going smoothly…until it wasn’t. Turns out we put it in the oven far too long, and the result: a medium-sized burnt cake. It would be a waste if we threw it all away, so we had to force ourselves to finish it.”

I gently shake my head, feeling a small smile slowly creeping in. It was terrible, but there was beauty in imperfection. Sure, the cake was burnt, but it was our cake, made by both Mom and me.

“If you were there, you probably would have saved the whole thing. Baking has always been one of your specialties, after all.”

Yeah, if she was there…

“…”

It felt like yesterday since my twelfth birthday. Ever since then, so many things have happened.

Time waits for no one. It may feel slow to some people, fast to others, but the moment you look your eyes away, it passed by, without looking back.

I was but a child. And she was a young teen.

But now, I am a teen, approaching adulthood soon. And she…remains as a teen.

Time waits for no one.

These last few years flashed by in an instant. The next thing I know, I might already be a working adult. Then, a parent. And then, a grandparent.

And she…will remain as a teen.

She will never experience her very own seventeenth birthday. Her school graduation, her first time applying for a job, her marriage with the man of her dreams.

Her first music recital.

All of that is taken away…by me.

“I’m sorry, Mari. I’m so sorry…”

I begin to curl myself into a ball, my body trembles, unsure whether it’s due to the cold or my sobs.

Fool. Ignorant. How can you tell her such stories without thinking about her? How dare you boast your happiness to the person you robbed the chance to experience all of this?

“If only you are still here…if only I can hold you once more…”

“If only I can tell you how sorry I am…”

But she can never hear me. No matter how hard I cried, how hard I begged, it will only end up as empty, desperate words, like a prisoner pleading for forgiveness after being sentenced to death. Even if I dig this grave with my bare hands till it bleeds, the only thing that shall greet me is nothing but ashes.

The floodgates open once more, letting my feelings overflow. Sobs and cries fill the cold air of the cemetery. My mind ventures to other places, of times when she was still here, by my side. Comforting me like she always does.

But when everything is laid bare open, all limitations are lifted. The moment you let your guard down, that’s when they strike.

“It should have been me…”

A simple argument. A simple push. That is all needed to bring everything you built upon came crashing down.

“If only I was the one that fall…”

She is the one that people look up to. She has the charm, the strength to take on this world. It should have been her to continue living, not me.

“…then I don’t have to endure all this pain.”

My mind snaps. I realise the things I just said, but it is too late.

Opening my eyes, a scenery full of dread greets me. The sky looks down on me, coating itself with colours of blood, devoid of the warmth of the sun. The wind howls violently, screaming as if mother nature itself is questioning my very own existence, arguing why I’m still allowed to breathe. The air tastes like metal and my chest tighten as I gasp for air. Yet, the more I breathe, the painful it gets.

I want to run, but the grass has chained me into the ground, forcing me to endure whatever kind of punishment awaits me from the other side.

I am no longer surrounded by tombstones, as the only thing that remains is me, in this wide and empty field. Like a small drop of ink on a piece of paper.

This uncanny feeling within me, telling me how familiar this place is. Have I been here before?

Why do I have this sense of déjà vu?

…

My retinas widen upon the sudden realisation. If this is truly what I think it is…

I slowly raise my head to confirm it. And sure enough, in front of me stood a tall tree. The tree I was so familiar with. My shade during the hot summer. My paradise.

My hell.

No. Not again. Please, no more.

Why does this keep happening to me? To spite on my face for what I’ve done? To remind me of my mistakes, how all of this is my fault?

…

The wind speaks to me. It wants me to look up. My heart screams, begging me to stop. But my body doesn’t listen.

“…!”

My eyes widen in fear. That unholy sight is right there, dangling at the branch. Sounds of stretching ropes screech through my eardrums.

Her dirty white gown flaps in the wind, hugging nothing but rotten flesh and human bones. Maggots are swarming around it, finding every piece of flesh to savour.

But her eye, her one uncovered eye, is the only one that remains untouched.

…

I feel nauseous. My throat burns, prompting me to throw it all up.

No, hold it in. It will only make everything worse. For now, just take the antidepressants. That will work.

I slip my hand into my pocket to grab it, then—

…

…no.

You’re joking, right?

It should be right here. I make sure to bring it along with me before boarding the bus.

Then, where is it?

…

WHERE THE HELL IS IT!?

“Sun…ny…”

“Help me…”

I hear bones, rattling from a distance. My mind has gone haywire as my entire vision is now blurry. I feel myself slowly descending into a deep spiral, the light slowly being engulfed by darkness.

The spiral goes even deeper, reaching towards a certain end.

It keeps spiralling in a downwards motion.

An…endless…loop…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

“…nny.”

“…unny!”

“…Sunny!”

A touch, nothing but a simple gesture. Like a bird’s feather softly landing on your shoulders, or a small, insignificant snowflake on a chilly winter day. But its presence is big enough to act as bait, pulling me from this endless dream of guilt.

“HAAAHH!!”

Just as my body is about to give in, succumbing to the never-ending spiral, it pulls me back. Back to reality. The tree that haunted my dreams, a witness to my sins, has disappeared.

“H-hey…”

A voice reaches my ears. Slowly, I perk my head up towards its source.

“…!”

The wind gently blows, softly letting her hair flow in elegance. Illuminated by the autumn sun, her pink hair stands out, pulling my gaze towards her, and her only.

She is shining. Her radiance is too bright, blinding my eyes. But even still, I couldn’t find myself turning my gaze away from her, fearing that if I do, she will disappear like a fleeting memory.

Fate has such a twisted sense of humour. The one person I so wished I didn’t have to meet, and yet here I am, staring at her for what it feels like an eternity.

I become speechless, not because of the sudden turn of events. I am at a loss for words because of her overwhelming beauty.

And here I thought I had moved on, but once again, I am entranced by the girl before me.

Both of our eyes are locked onto each other before reality finally sinks in me. The moment I become aware of my surroundings, waves of pain shot through my body, tightening my chest once more.

“Erm, I think you drop this…”

She stretches her hand towards me, and in it is the thing I’m searching for. I snatch it immediately from her grasp without a second thought. It is a bit rude, but that can wait. I reach for my water bottle and take one pill, gulping it with haste.

Two minutes…five minutes…seven minutes…

Like landing your tired, overworked body on a big, brand-new cushion after a long hard day at work, I feel a wave of relaxation courses through my bloodstreams, my heartbeat starts to beat in a more harmonious rhythm, and I can finally taste the calm autumn air once more. It tastes like lavender, somehow.

That, or it’s coming from the girl now sitting next to me. The girl who was once one of my closest friends, one that I often spend lots of time with.

“Are you feeling better?” She asks, her tone emitting a bit of concern.

“Yeah, sort of…” Avoiding her gaze, I muster a few words of reply.

Aubrey is certainly…unique. She is the one that undergoes the most drastic changes the last time we met since we were kids: a bright, dyed pink hair paired with cyan-coloured contacts, in contrast to her natural black hair, with a small pink bow on top of it. Its appearance is enough to tell people what kind of a girl she is. Troublemaker. Delinquent. A good-for-nothing teenager.

I’ll admit, I find it hard to understand her sometimes. But I do know that underneath all of those masks and personas, lies a hurt, broken girl who only wants those she cares about to be around her. Behind the rebel, attitude is a sweet, caring girl who still wishes the best for her friends, even to those who were responsible for her to turn that way.

Yet I wonder, on this particular day, in this cemetery, will she show me the same treatment?

She has no reason to. I was the foolish one that made high promises and didn’t have the backbone to at least try to fulfill it. I was given a chance to reconnect, and I threw it at her face with spite. Once more, I acted out of selfishness, unaware of the people I hurt, again and again.

...

Why do I have to see her again?

“Do you visit her often?” Her voice breaks the silent, awkward tension between us. An attempt to make some small talk. The least I can do is to play along.

“No, this is my first time here in a while. You?”

“Sometimes, when I’m free.” Aubrey softly sighs, puckering her lips a bit. “Five years have passed…it still feels like yesterday we were all together.”

“Yeah…”

 Her gaze is still fixated on the tombstone, never once meets mine. I begin to fidget and twiddle with my thumbs, slowly counting the number of dried leaves on the ground, distracting myself from the situation at hand. Her tone emits neither bitterness nor relief, making me unsure of her current feelings.

How am I supposed to handle this? What am I supposed to say next? Should I just straight up and ask her how has she been this past year? But that just sounds too inappropriate, acting as if I care about them in the first place, brushing off an entire year of silence. I can’t exactly perceive the emotions she’s showing at the moment. Anger, sadness, nostalgia, I don’t know.

I hang my head down as if a tonne of weight is placed on it, pushing me down to the ground. I want to run away, go somewhere, just anywhere from seeing her face again. I can’t even look at her in the eye, let alone start a conversation. Too afraid to confront her, too weak to move my body, I remain stagnant on the ground, unable to do anything. Just waiting for any sort of outcome.

Moments pass, and I heard some rustling noises beside me. Aubrey is now standing, brushing off the dirt from her pants, letting out a soft yet audible sigh. She’s probably tired of sitting around, wasting time with someone so passive. I can’t blame her.

“Are you hungry?”

I perch my head towards her. Now that she mentions it, I have not eaten anything yet, aside from the fried bacon Mom made for breakfast. “Kind of…”

“Well, it’s reaching noon right now, and I haven’t eaten anything yet. I was planning to grab some at Gino’s, and now that you’re here, we could…y’know, go grab a bite or something.” She looks sideways, hiding her face from me. “That is, if you’re free after this.”

Ah, yes. Another choice is being presented right before me, and I have to choose yet again. I hear whispers, telling me to leave as soon as possible. You already promised Mom to return early, and you even wanted to not meet anyone else. Wasting any more time here would be a liability.

Every single scenario I think of, each one of them tells me the same thing. Leave this place, don’t bother her anymore with your presence, and walk away. Let her move on from the past.

But even still, there is a seed of doubt planted itself deep in my conscious. That seed then sprouts into a small seedling, slowly growing near into my ears, whispering to me:

“What do you want?”

I take one more glance at Aubrey, still looking away from me. This may be the only chance I have left to at least reconnect with her. To waste it right now would be a shame, wouldn’t it?

And besides, it’s not like I was the one that proposed the plan in the first place, so at the very least, I don’t look that desperate.

 “…sure, why not?”

“Really?” She asks in bewilderment. I simply nod.

“Sweet. Let’s get going, then.” She then offers me her hand, with a smile of relief on her face.

I hesitate at first, but eventually, I accept her hand.

Walking along these streets of Faraway feels like a trip down memory lane. The old and new houses, the road pavements with silly graffiti drawn on them, a few pairs of shoes hanging on the cables, I couldn’t help but be reminiscent. This place was my home, my playground, my world. And to think there is a bigger one out there, just ready to be explored.

The idea of exploring every place this world has to offer is impossible, yet an ambitious one. I don’t think I could even see everything in this lifetime. Ah, such is the fragility of human life.

I pull myself out from my daily daydreaming, finding it amusing how even in a situation like this, my mind can still wander off to other places.

Aubrey is now walking in front of me, leading the way towards Gino’s. Her long pink hair is neatly tied into a ponytail, bouncing around by the soft wind, leaving a trail of lavender scent. Her oversized yellow jacket makes her look bigger than she usually is, not like I would tell her that.

Now that I think about it, I’ve never seen her putting on this kind of casual look before. It’s not bad, per se. On the contrary, it’s pretty…cute.

…Woah, what am I thinking right now!?

“You look pretty good, Sunny. That all-black outfit suits you.” She suddenly talks, almost throwing me off. Did she just compliment my looks? I always thought that my appearance is pretty plain: a standard black suit coat over a dark-grey sweater vest and a dress shirt, nothing that stands out from the norm. Typical autumn attire. Unlike her, people won’t notice me walking around the streets, well, maybe except the eyepatch.

“T-Thanks…” I timidly reply, bowing my head down a bit, like talking to a senior from my school. “…I have been going out lately, like you asked me to.”

Aubrey slows down her pace, allowing us to walk side-by-side. Looking at me, she flashes a small smile. “Yeah, I can see that. Your skin looks a lot better now.”

I nod.

“Still a bit shorter than me, though.”

I pout.

“Oh c’mon, don’t get mad. I’m just teasing you.” She snickers, giving me a light elbow. Yeah, yeah, real funny. Come up with a better joke next time, okay?

Can’t say I don’t enjoy her teasing, though.  

...

As we pass the familiar playground, my shoulders begin to relax a little. It might just be due to the weather, but Aubrey seems pretty cheerful, compared to her demeanor a while ago. I can put my anxiety aside, even for just a while.

It feels really good to talk to her like this again. Perhaps my overthinking got the best of me last time.

Feeling a bit confident, I decide to break the ice. “So, how have you been? How are the others?”

Aubrey lightly brushes her hair from her face. “Oh, nothing much. I am catching up to school now, thanks to the others, though it was a pain. Kel is focusing more on basketball now, he’s trying to make it for the try-outs. Basil, on the other hand, is working a part-time job at Fix-It. At the flower section. He even opened a small tea shop there.”

“Really?” My eyes widen, slightly taken aback. Basil working at the flower section of Fix-It is something that I expect, but opening a tea shop? I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride, knowing he has been doing well this past year.

“Yeah, really. He was the one that proposed the idea to the manager, saying it will attract more customers, or whatever. Had to do some convincing, but the boss finally gets on board with the idea.”

An image of Basil, busily tendering the various pots of flowers, decorating the shop as a few of his customers enjoying a cup of jasmine tea and a couple of biscuits while reading a newspaper, pops into my mind. It’s quite wholesome. Though, his regular customers will probably be the old grandpas and grandmas taking a break after a small walk. He does well with old people, after all.

Aubrey suddenly snaps her fingers, as if a lightbulb suddenly flickers on her head. “Oh, I know. Why don’t we go and visit Basil after—”

“NO!”

“Eh!?”

My body suddenly tenses, as if someone just jabbed me with a taser. “Sorry, but…I’m not ready, yet.”

“Oh…alright then.”

I pull my eyes away from her, hiding my face which shows a ping of guilt. Despite the more carefree attitude we’re having, there is still a sense of fear gnawing behind my back, as if it controls the way I think and talk. I was lucky enough nothing worse had happened when I met Aubrey, but Basil? There is too much history between us, one that I wish I could just wipe away slate clean.

I feel my right eye starts to itch. I don’t like it.

“One medium pepperoni pizza for order 38!”

All of the slight changes and new faces, and Gino’s still stayed the same. The smell of wood from the wooden floor, the brick-patterned wall which already had some stains and smudges, though you have to squint to spot it, the old jukebox at the corner blaring some old-retro music. It feels good to know that at least this place remains unchanged, giving off this sense of belonging.

We decide to order only one pizza since I don’t think both of us can finish one on our own. Our stomachs are not a bottomless void, unfortunately. And neither of us is that hungry.

Our lunch continues, but not a word has been exchanged. Granted, it’s nothing out of the norm. I am never the one to start a conversation, and neither does Aubrey, surprisingly. It’s the brothers who always have a topic in mind.

“Ugh, this pizza is greasy as hell. Going to get a heart attack at this rate.”

“Well, that’s Gino’s. It’s their trademark.” When I was a kid, I often begged my parents to eat pizza like, once a week. They always said no, saying that it’s unhealthy and all. Back then, I took this as a form of oppression, but now, I may have found the truth.

“Pfft, if that’s the case, that’s a bad one." Aubrey pulls a few sheets of tissues, wiping the excess grease from her fingers. "How’s the pizza in the city, by the way? It must taste better than whatever this is.” 

“Maybe? I’m not sure. We never have pizzas regularly over there. It’s quite expensive.”

“Hmm, is that so?” She gives me a sly look, all while a small smug is forming on her face. “Pretty sure you make an exception for steak, am I right?”

Damn, she got me. I could do nothing but reply with a faint blush on my cheeks. “Steak is different.”

“Heh, making excuses now?”

Both of us let out a small laugh, even though there is no punchline. For a while, it feels like everything has returned to what it used to be.

“I miss this, you know.” She leans back into her chair, gazing into the old ceilings.

“Miss what?”

“Us. Spending time like this, just talking. Chatting. Having fun like we used to.”

I scratch my chin a bit, nodding my head as a sign of approval, before letting out a light sigh. “Yeah, me too.”

“Then, why?”

…

I feel fear is staring at me in the eye.

The smell of pizzas baking from the oven somehow disappears from the restaurant. The warm, wholesome air is replaced by a cold, still one. The rising volume of the diner is drowned in a sea of silence. They say words are a mighty weapon, and it shows here. It strikes like an arrow, going straight into the heart. A deadly blow.

For a moment, I have to remind myself to breathe. Her words cut deep, deeper than any knife. But I, of all people, should know better. The one-year gap, my sudden reaction upon the idea of visiting Basil. It will come back and bite me.

Aubrey turns towards me; her eyes waver a bit. “One year, Sunny. One year is not a short time. At first, it was fine. We all thought that you might be busy, moving to a new place and all. Entering a new school. We understood that.”

“…”

“But soon, it piled up. Days, weeks, months, and soon, we got worried. All of us wanted to think you are doing well, enjoying life in the city. But there is still that doubt, that perhaps, something has happened to you. Kel was even planning to come to the city to see you, but we don’t even know your address, let alone your phone number.”

“So, the only thing we can do is wait. The next thing we know, a year has passed.”

I feel a cold air running through my spine, freezing me in place. My head feels heavy, I couldn’t lift it to meet her gaze. It feels like I am being judged, and to make things worse, the judge is someone I know.

“I’m sorry…” That is all I could muster. Such a cheap apology, yet what more could I say? Do I have to defend myself? To convince her that it’s not my fault, that some things are just meant to happen? Now, that would be cowardice, wouldn’t it? She has every right in the world to be disappointed in me.

Aubrey’s gaze is still fixated on me, her tone seems to emit bitterness. “Why, Sunny? I understand if you’re busy, and taking a bus to come here can be costly. But not even a call? Not even a measly ‘how are you?' Didn’t we make a promise?”

My left eye is tightly closed, my body is screaming for me to run, but I have no strength to do such a thing.

The only thing left for me to do is to lay it bare. “I…I was scared.”

Even without looking at her, I can feel the amount of shock and disappointment surging. Once more, I hurt those around me, without even realising it.

Aubrey’s voice rises a bit. “Of what? Sunny, you were, and still are our friend. Best friend. I thought you know this. Didn’t you…trust us?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

Silence. The sounds of the spinning fan and the random chatter from other customers are the only things filling our ears.

“Sorry.” Aubrey begins to shift in her seat, probably feeling anxious. “I know you’ve been through so much, and at the end of the day, it’s still your choice. It’s just…I don’t know how to tell you that we still accept you.”

No. Please, don’t say that. Why are you blaming yourself for this? This is entirely my fault. My cowardice causes all of this to transpire in the first place. Had I had more of a backbone, none of this would have happened.

Hey, Aubrey. Did you know that this ‘friend’ of yours deleted your number? This ‘friend’ of yours was so pathetic he couldn’t decide for himself? And when he does, it always caused trouble for everyone else?

It’s so bad I want to laugh.

But of course, I could never tell her that. That would destroy this already frail friendship we had, one that I caused to myself. How sad.

…

Things are about to come to a standstill before someone pulls us out from this predicament.

“Hey, Aubrey. How’s it going?”

A bespectacled man, probably in his mid-twenties suddenly approaches us from behind. There is this look of uncertainty on his face as he slowly rubs his hands together, looking nervous.

Getting a closer look, turns out it's just the pizza guy.

“What’s up, Gino? Why are you looking like that?” As both of them are conversing with each other, I silently thank the man for breaking off this awkward situation I found myself in. “Well, you see…I’ll put it this way. You want the good news or the bad news?”

“Ugh, just spit it out, already.”

“Bad news it is then. Jason got a bad case of diarrhea, and we have a few orders that need to get done ASAP.”

“What!? That’s like the third time this week. You sure he’s not bailing on purpose?”

“Maybe, maybe not, but we can deal with that later. Now, I know you’re busy and all, and—”

Aubrey shrugs the young man off, getting up from her chair, looking slightly annoyed. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. You want me to pitch in for the poor sod, right?” She pauses for a moment, finishing the remaining water in her cup. “I’ll do it, but you better pay me extra this time, got it?”

I can feel a wave of relief rushes through Gino’s sleep-deprived face as he wipes the sweat on his forehead. “Of course, Aubrey. No need to worry about that.”

“…wait, hold on. What’s the good news, then?”

And just like that, Gino disappears into the night, or more like, retreating to the kitchen.

“Tch, what a pain.” She lightly curses, before remembering my presence. “Sorry, Sunny. But I have to go. Gotta cover up some other people’s jobs, again.”

“You work at Gino’s now?” I ask while staring at her, dumbfounded. “Oh yeah, guess I never told you, huh? I have been working here for like, half a year. Would prefer other places, but hey, can’t be too picky these days.”

I simply nod. Knowing how her financial situations are, it makes sense for her to grab whatever chance she got. As busy as Mom is, I feel grateful for at least having a support system, one that Aubrey does not have. Having to do everything by yourself at such a young age must be tough. Then again, Aubrey is lucky to have a set of friends that can support her whenever she needs help.

I wonder, where do I fit in all of this?

No, of course, I don’t. I choose this path, and I have no one to blame but myself.

“Well, I’ll be going now.”

“Yeah, okay…”

And with that, she begins to make her way towards the exit, and I do nothing but look from my seat. 

I shouldn’t be complaining. After that last conversation, it’s natural that she wanted a way out, and she got one. I can’t blame her.

I look at the clock watch and it's already past noon. About time I return home, anyway. Mom’s going to get sick worried if she hears nothing from her son. Ugh, I want nothing more than to lie down on my bed and just, forget all this.

That was what I was going to do, before I feel someone is approaching me, more specifically, someone with a pink aura. Aubrey immediately grabs my hand, pulling me from my chair.

“You know what? Come with me.”

Could this day get any more unpredictable?

Here I am, at the back section of the shop, where few delivery bikes are parked, ready to be used. I used to ride it back when I was still in Faraway, earning a few bucks just to kill time. Pretty productive, if I do say so myself.

And before me, of course, is my pink-haired friend inspecting which bike to use, while rocking that pizza delivery uniform. Ugh, she looks so cool in it. It’s simply a crime how someone can just wear anything, and still look beautiful and elegant. Aubrey usually wears her sailor jacket, but what if she decides to be more formal, say, a black suit for example.

I can see it now. She looks towards the distance with a stern face, hand in her pocket, striking a cool and confident pose, the black complements her pink hair as it flows elegantly into the wind and—

“Uh, Sunny? You okay, there? You’ve been staring at space for a while now…”

A hand lands on my shoulders, snapping my entire fantasy to ashes. “H-Huh!? Oh no, it’s nothing.”

Damn it, I’ve been caught red-handed! And by her, no less. I can only pray my face looks deadpan like usual during that time.

“Okay then. Now, come here. We have a few orders to deliver.”

“Wait, what? Orders?”

She pulls a fairly big bike from the parking lot, stuffing the pizza boxes into the delivery box towed on it. “Yep, you heard me right. You’re coming along with me to deliver these pizzas. And considering your size…” She then eyes me up and down. “…you should fit well. No offense, by the way.”

Every single of my line of thought either meets a dead-end or ends up in a tangled mess. What is she trying to accomplish from doing this? Wouldn’t that make it more difficult to ride around? And two people on top of that, isn’t that dangerous?

“Why? I-I don’t understand—”

“Look, Sunny.” Aubrey then comes closer to me. “What I said back then…I still don’t know how to convince you that we all still care about you. That we all still want you around. So, I’ve been thinking, the only way I can show you is by doing this. The way I know how.”

I honestly don’t know how to respond to this. Why would she go out of her way just to prove a point? Why do all of this for me? All of this just to say ‘you are still our friend’?

I don’t deserve this. After everything I did to her, after one whole year of radio silence, and this is what I get in return? It’s unfair.

“Aubrey, y-you don’t have to…”

“No, Sunny. I want to. And that’s final.” The sounds of the engine roar from the bike’s exhaust. “Now, come on, already. We have to take care of what is left of Gino’s dignity.”

...

There is this thing about cats. Some of them act all high and mighty, but once they click with you, all of a sudden, they become super clingy. The more you shower them with affection, the greedier they become.

And now, there is a desire within me, that wants to take this opportunity and just, live in the moment. Enjoying whatever time left I have with her. The one who still accepts me as one of her own, despite my faults and flaws.

I can’t believe it. After all my whole resolve of not running away and facing the truth, I have been doing the same thing again for a whole year.  

In the end, all I could do is sigh and surrender to this girl’s unmovable resolve. She really is like a gladiolus, one that always stays true to herself.

Sitting just right behind her, I realise it is quite cramped, obviously. Pizza delivery bikes are usually ridden by one person, so it might get a bit uncomfortable.

And also, our bodies are so close to each other. Like, really close. I can even feel the warmth of her body, her scent from her long hair, her—

Damn it, I’m getting too self-conscious about this. Calm down, Sunny. You and Aubrey have already been this close with each other since you were kids. This is no different. Just imagine this as another sleepover.

She suddenly exclaims from the front. “Hold on tight, Sunny! Or, you can just hug me if you want~”

It’s not New Years’ yet, but I can already hear multiple fireworks erupting inside my head. “Whu-wha-huh-au-uh.”

“Hehe, just kidding~” She snickers, putting out her tongue in a playful manner. “Let’s go!”

The bike starts moving, but my mind is still left hanging at what she just said. Did she even hear herself talk? This girl, I swear.

Chapter Text

Delivering pizzas is nothing unusual to me. In fact, it is something I used to do myself. But this time, it feels different, somehow. Whether it may be due to the size of this bike, or the fact that two people are riding this, or the cold autumn wind blowing on my face, or Aubrey's soft hair tickling my nose. Simply put, it is a new experience.

There is still this fear of danger, that something bad might happen. However, weird as it may be, I kind of like it. Doing something as dangerous as this, this thrill of excitement awakens my rebellious teen spirit from its long slumber. Like, screw what everyone thinks, yeah? I'm going to do bad things now, like talking out loud in a library, or eating pizza without the crust. 

I wonder how would Mom react if she sees me doing this? She will probably turn pale at the sight of me riding something as intimidating as this bike, then grounds me for a week.

Well, some things are better left unsaid.

Speaking of this bike, despite its size, Aubrey can handle it quite well, like it’s just another one of her scooters. The engine roars through the calm, chilling atmosphere of Faraway Town, but is not loud and ferocious enough to disrupt it.

I raise my voice a bit. “You always ride around with this bike?”

“Not until recently. Gino won’t let me at the beginning, saying like how it’s dangerous for kids like me. Well, I bribe him with my outstanding work, and the next thing I know, the keys are on my hands.”

The thought of Aubrey working like a typical nine-to-five worker is not what I imagine from her, but nevertheless, a lot of things can happen in a year. “Well, Mrs. Employee of the Month…”

“First, it’s not that grand, since not that many people work there. Second, you’re getting snarky, aren’t you? What did the city do to the precious, quiet boy I once knew?”

I snicker. “A few bits, here and there.” Thinking about it, I have really changed a lot, compared to how I was a few years ago. But even though with all these changes, I’m still me, deep inside. Hopefully, she knows that.

“Well then, city boy. Let’s see if you can handle this!” Even from behind, I can already see that devilish grin on her face, as she begins to rev the bike.

Uh oh. Is she…?

“Wait, wait, Aubrey-NOOOOOOOOOOOO”

Damn it, I can’t feel my legs.

Everything was happening at a neck-break speed, and the next thing I know, the bike makes its stop, and we finally arrive at our destination. Sometimes, I ask myself whether all of this adrenaline rush is worth it or not. Risking my youth for some cheap entertainment.

My answer? Hell yeah, it is!

Look at roller coasters, for example. From an outsider’s perspective, anyone with a few loose screws on their head is the one foolish enough to ride such a thing. Yet, why does it still remain one of the people’s favourite park rides?

It’s because of the intensity, the excitement, the thrill of doing something challenging, both physically and mentally. Like dangling on Pluto’s biceps as he travels through space, holding on to dear life. I might get addicted to this.

I said all that, yet my body feels like it’s going to collapse like a deck of dominos at any moment. Clearly, my physical strength is still underwhelming. Such are the struggles of being a once shut-in.

While I was busy having a crisis, Aubrey enters my vision with a big devilish grin widely drawn on her face. “So, how’s that for speed?”

I reply with a thumbs up, all while forcing a smile, trying to convince her that I’m fine.

“Heck yeah! That’s the spirit, Sunny.” She howls in excitement, lightly jabbing me at the shoulder. “Now, come on. We have some pizzas to deliver.”

As shocked as my body is, my heart couldn’t help but skip a beat every time I see her smile, especially that mischievous grin she does every now and then. Her usual, sweet smile is charming already, but something about the wild, devilish one makes me feel…funny, inside.

Why am I like this?

…

I said before how Gino’s little changes are a plus to me. At the very least, there is still a part of this town that I am still familiar with. Though, if there’s one thing that I wish it did change, it has to be this.

“Ahh, reading this idiot’s handwriting is going to make me lose all my hair! And he had the nerve to complain why no one wanted to work with him.” Aubrey grumbles, her hands are about to crumple the paper, wanting to throw it as far as she could, before eventually calming herself a little. Her face can get quite scary when she’s angry; the wrath in her eyes burns with a raging fire.

“At least we can get everything done. Just one more order now.” I try to rationalise the situation.

“Well, aren’t you just Mr. Positive? Though, I guess you’re right.”

After squinting our eyes really hard, we finally arrive to deliver our final pizza order. Aubrey and I are standing before a white-painted house with a grey-coloured roof. Few bushes are planted in front of its window, and a pink doormat is laid at the front.

Aubrey’s eyes widen a little, noticing the familiarity of this household. “Huh, this is Charlene’s house…”

Just before we walk our way towards the doorbell, a thought pops into my brain. I have always been planning to do something like this should I ever work as a pizza delivery boy again. And now, the chance is presented right in front of me on a silver platter. I’m not sure if Charlene will notice it, but if she does, then it will be golden. Or maybe not. Either way, I want to do it.

From behind, I tightly tap my friend’s shoulders. “Aubrey, let me do it.”

She turns to me; confusion is drawn on her face. “Okay…? But you need to wear my uniform, though.”

“Come along with me then.” I shortly answer, taking the still-warm pizza box from her. Judging from her face, she still seems quite confused by my sudden request. Oh, don’t worry. All will be revealed soon enough.

DING DONG

I stand there before the door, trying to hold my poker face as best as I could, maintaining my composure. I take many deep breathes, calming down my senses before I hype myself too much. Footsteps can be heard coming from the inside. This is kind of exciting, but I need to relax. It would’ve been really awkward if my body suddenly freezes the moment she opens the door.

Sure enough, the interior of the house is revealed, but it is not Charlene that greets us. A big, gruff blonde man, probably in his mid-twenties, is looking at both of us with a disinterested look on his face. “Yeah?”

This is it. All seventeen years of my life have led me up to this moment. Like a deserted traveller finally found a source of water, I have discovered the purpose of my life, and it is for this exact moment. Under a soft breeze of autumn, I silently thank my mother for raising me the best she could.

Time begins to freeze as the only thing that still remains in my conscious is my own self, and the man standing right before me. An overflowing confidence courses through my body. I look at him deep in the eye before reciting the holy phrase.

“Pizza time.”

A weight has finally been lifted. Waves of relief and satisfaction runs through my body, as time begins to move once again.

I did it, Ma. I serve my purpose in life, and now I can die, knowing that I have played my part.

The man who stood before me looks with bewilderment, eyeing me up and down as if someone has handed him the results of his diploma. However, the confusion on his face morphs into a deadpan look once more. He glances towards his wall clock, before giving his response. “You’re late. I’m not paying for those.”

Oh. My. God. This can’t be happening. This is-

“Wait, what?” Just before I could say anything, a hand lightly pushes me to the side, as a dissatisfied teen now is facing our customer. “The hell you mean you’re not paying!? Do you think we’re doing this for charity? Either you take your damn pizza or…”

Uh oh, things are about to go south really quick. I need to diffuse this situation before it explodes. “Aubrey, wait! You’re misunderstanding things!”

“Nuh-uh, Sunny. I’m not going to sit down and tolerate this man’s self-entitled bull—”

“It’s a joke, Aubrey! I was making a joke!”

An angry Aubrey turns at me with a surprised look. “…a joke?”

“Good grief. This is why I despise the lower realm.” The blonde man speaks in a manner I unusually heard of, all while shaking his head as if he’s showing his sympathy towards us. “The current masses are run by ignorant fools who don’t possess the capacity to think for themselves, and these people claim they advocate for free will? Absolutely deplorable.”

“…what? I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what kind of joke both of you are…”

“Flaunt not your ignorance, child with no knowledge nor interest of human culture and entertainment. If your cerebrum couldn’t comprehend the magnificence that is Spider-Man 2, then do not communicate with me, nor make any attempt to heed my words, for we are simply not on the same wavelength. It would take you 10...nay, 100 years to even comprehend my manner of speech.”

Aubrey, surprisingly, seems at a loss for words. The fiery delinquent who always bites back with words of daggers is now finding herself tongue-tied. Not even Kel can bring her down. And somehow, this man can do it with mere words.

He then turns towards me, but unlike Aubrey, his eyes show affection, a sense of understanding. “But it seems, there is still a glimmer of hope in the lower realm, even though it is like a small gem covered by dirt and slit.” He pauses for a moment,  before respectfully bowings his head. “I bear the name of Tucker. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I tip my hat for you, but it seems it is now in possession of another.”

Also, he talks funny.

Aubrey, who has been awfully silent, lightly tugs at me, motioning her head towards the bike. “C’mon, Sunny. Let’s go.” She whispers, clearly wanting nothing more than to escape this situation.

I am about to comply before something comes into my mind. Something that happened not long ago. It couldn’t have been him, but judging from the way he acts, there is still that possibility. “Hold on, I have to ask him something.”

“What? Oh, for crying out loud…”

Wasting no time, I face this man, who may be Charlene’s brother. “Um, excuse me…”

“Speak, my fellow acquaintance. And I shall listen.”

Well, here goes nothing. “Could you perhaps…own a gaming console? And, maybe play something like…Call of Duty?”

Tucker stares at me for a moment, his eyes bore into me, and I can’t help but feel like being interrogated, even though I was the one that asked. Not long after, he lightly shakes his head, snickering. “Oh, my child. It would seem I overestimate you, though you are not wholly to blame. Born amongst the ignorant masses, it is unavoidable to be stained by the commoner’s ways of life.”

I can hear Aubrey facepalming herself. “Damn it, Sunny. What have you got ourselves into?”

“Although the idea of gaming consoles is certainly an interesting concept, I do not dabble in this ‘Call Duty’ you speak of. My tenure in philosophy major has left me in thirst for knowledge, for a piece of media that are bold to challenge the current society’s way of perceiving things. I yearn for a time when we could stop glorifying violence and war, and instead focus on what’s more important: human connections, emotions, our relationships with others.”

“Which is why I prefer the more subtle ones. The ones that require patience and a level of empathy that the current generation clearly lacks. I believe in the power of visual novels, for they have been proved, time and time again, to deliver such an emotional…”

The door is slammed shut, and I found myself being dragged further from the house, as Tucker’s voice becomes more muffled with each passing moment.

“C’mon, Sunny. We’re wasting time.”

“But he was about to tell me about visual novels.”

“He speaks gibberish, for all I care. And visual novels are not that great, anyway. It takes a lot of time to finish one.”

I mean, she does have a point. Unlike normal games, visual novels can be quite tiring to finish. Unless you are totally engaged with it, it would be a drag. And of course, the—

Hold on, what did she say just now?

“…wait, Aubrey. You know what visual novels are?”

“…”

She suddenly stops dead in her tracks, looking at me with her eyes are as wide as saucers. Her face is red as a beet, perhaps even redder than her hair colour. “I-I-I DON’T KNOW WHAT VISUAL NOVELS ARE, OKAY!? AND I CERTAINLY DID NOT P-P-PLAY ONE.

“But just now, you said—”

“LET’S JUST GO!”

After all that ruckus, we are finally done delivering pizzas. And oh boy, I feel like some years of my life have been shaved away. My whole body is spaghettified as if the bones in my body have been disintegrated.  My brain has to battle between the adrenaline from Aubrey’s personal ride to hell and the dopamine from her soft, pink hair tickling my face.

I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me.

We are now heading towards Othermart, the not-so-big yet still convenient mall. Why, you ask? Well, thanks to Aubrey’s selfless sacrifice, she earns a bit more extra today, much to her delight. At first, she wanted to split the payment between us, but of course, I said no since I didn’t do anything except tag along. Since our argument was going nowhere, she decided to just treat me for a drink.

And so, here we are, walking among the tall racks of fruits, vegetables, utensils, you name it. All the basic needs. Compared to the city, this mall is surely dated and lacks some other stuff, but me saying that out loud will surely make me Faraway’s public enemy.

“You’re okay with a slurpee, right?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Going to a mall always feels surreal. You think with the many choices of products to buy, it would make it easier for the customer to choose anything. Yet, every time I enter one, I always get overwhelmed with lots of choices and decisions. You take Product A, but then you see Product B which is the same thing but cheaper. Soon, you see Product C which is pricier but is better in terms of its quality.

How come no one has brought this up during those TV talk shows, or during any political campaigns? Someone needs to take a stand and attempt to remove this dilemma. The whole world will benefit from this, surely.

Not me, though. I have better things to think about. Like, how to draw without tiring myself, or how to get a six-pack body in just a week, or how to stop stealing glances at Aubrey for five minutes. It’s rough being a teenager.

As we both treading our ways towards the drink counter, a middle-aged woman suddenly approaches us, her small eyes open widely in excitement, like stumbling upon an old friend.

“小孩，你好！“ (Hello there, child!)

Oh, she’s not talking to us, then. Not paying her any mind, I continue my pace before—

“阿姨，下午好！你今天怎么样？“ (Good afternoon, aunty! How are you today?)

…wut?

“有点忙哦，工作太多了！对了，你有空吗？来帮我一下，好不好？我付钱给你”。(A bit busy, there’s a lot of work! Oh yeah, are you free? Come and help me a bit, will you? I’ll pay you.)

“我现在有事，明天再说吧。好的，阿姨。我先走啊！“ (I have things to do right now, so maybe tomorrow. Later, Aunty!)

Is this real? Am I imagining things? There’s no way this could happen, right?

I lightly tug at Aubrey’s sleeves, demanding an explanation. “What was that?”

Her bright cyan contacts give me a puzzled look for a bit. “Oh, that? The old lady was asking if I want a job or not.”

“No, not that. You can talk Chinese?”

Aubrey pauses for a moment, before drawing a small smile on her face. “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that. I have been working with her for a while now, and I guess I pick up her language, sort of? But I won’t say I can really speak it, though.”

I simply stare at the pink-haired girl in amazement. The fact that Aubrey can at least understand more than one language is already a remarkable feat on its own. Kind of makes me envy her, though. My Japanese skills are rusty enough as it is, and I had no interest in learning them before.

But now, I feel challenged, kind of. 

"Come back, again!"

Ah yes, walking out from Othermart alongside my childhood friend while drinking a cup of slurpee. What a way to spend your day. You could make a teen romance flick out of this.

Not knowing where to go next, we just opt to go to the playground, since that’s where most of the kids are. If there’s one good thing this town has over the city, it has to be the playground. While yes, the city has a much wider variety, it feels…lacking. Empty. Soulless, sometimes. Whether it may be due to the size of the playground, or only a few kids running around. The fact is, it’s not as lively as the one here.

Faraway’s one is always full of life. Different people with various personalities all gather around and have fun. That sense of community is always present here, one that few appreciate. Even myself.

Our walk there is not in silence though, as both of us trade stories of our own. Of how Aubrey and her gang have gradually stopped their mischievous demeanor, emphasis on gradually. Or how that one time this one customer keeps causing trouble for everyone during my part-time job. Or how that one time she had to pitch in for Kel because he forgot to bring his wallet, again. Or how my new experience in the city is.

…

I expect the playground to be packed with people, but it seems many are susceptible to the cold weather, except for a few kids playing basketball at the court. At a hidden spot in the park, an old lady can be spotted sitting behind a small booth.

Aubrey spots the lady too, raising her hand towards her. “Hello, aunty. How’s it going?”

“Well, hello there, dear Aubrey. You’re looking quite well.” She adjusts her glasses, getting a better look. “Not that much, I’m afraid. A lot of trashes have been taken care of, thanks to you. But then, if there’s no longer trash, what job do I have left, you know?”

The pink-haired girl gives a sheepish smile while rubbing the back of her head. “Sorry about that, hehe.”

“Oh, no need to apologise about that, girl. You’re doing a good thing. Just…” The old woman puts up her hand at her mouth as if she’s whispering. “Don’t be too diligent, okay?”

Aubrey nods her head, before excusing herself. I could only scratch my head, coming into terms with how much things have changed. And this is only Aubrey. Who knows what more things are in store for me when I meet the other two, eventually?

She points her finger towards an old swing set across from us. Old red bars, rusted chains, dull yellow seats which have lost their colour, showing their age. It is a shadow of what it used to be.

But to me, this rusty old thing holds thousands of timeless memories, ones that I simply won't forget even if I try.

“Hey, let’s take a seat over there. You still have time, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure.”

As I slowly land myself on its seat, the touch of the cold chains sends me a wave of nostalgia. How long has it been since I played on the swings, or even sit on one? The ones in the city are sure taken care of better, and I did use it from time to time. But the one here…feels different.

It was a quiet normal day, like any other. Birds were happily singing the tunes of autumn, brightening the day even for just a bit. Few dried leaves can be seen slowly piling up the ground. The bright sun shined upon this small town of Faraway, yet its heat didn’t scorch us. It was neither hot nor cold. Perfect weather for kids to come out and play.

I slowly moved my body, making a low swinging motion while lightly humming a random tune I once heard from an ice cream truck. Despite the weather, not many children were spotted running around the playground, as the only ambient sounds were the engines from the few passing cars. It was lonely, but I didn’t mind.

On the contrary, it was peaceful. Very, very peaceful. Compared to the noisy classroom and loud laughter of kids, this playground was like another plane of existence. Could this might as well be heaven, as to how it was portrayed from the books I read and the TVs I watched? I saw myself running through the garden of flowers, finally free from the burdens of homework and chores, rolling my body through the small hills—

“Hehe, daydreaming again, Sunny?”

A voice snapped me from reverie. Much to my annoyance, I mildly turn my head towards my right, pondering whoever ruined my silly fantasy. And in an instant, the annoying feeling disappeared, replaced by blooming flowers of fluttery.

There she was, looking at me with gleam and glitter in her eyes. Her long, black hair elegantly fluttered in the wind, her small pink ribbon cutely placed at the side of her head. Her smile, oh how sweet it was. Every time my eyes land on her, there was this aching feeling in my chest, the loud beating of my heart, the sudden hotness I felt at my cheeks, even simple sentences which were so easy to say before, now became a hurdle as my tongue is tied into a knot. All of these abnormal reactions, and it's because of her. The girl who I encountered at a sidewalk once, now has reduced me to such a state. For what reason, I don’t know.

…something’s not right.

I blink my eyes once, and everything returns to what it initially is. And so does the girl before me. Her once black hair is now coloured into a bright pink, shining brightly under the golden sun. She may have changed since then, yet her sweetness, her beauty that charmed me once upon a time is still there.

Maybe, some things never change, after all.

“Thanks for tagging along with me for today. It must have been tiring for you, following me all around.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” I reply. “I should be the one thanking you instead.” She lets out a small hum, probing me to say more. “Truth be told, I never had this much fun before. Eating pizzas together, going around town riding a bike, it was fun. So, thank you, Aubrey.”

The girl give me a sheepish look, before averting her gaze; her index finger slowly scratching her reddened cheeks. “Thanks…glad that you feel that way…”

…damn, that is cute.

We stay in silence for a moment, slowly feeling the awkwardness rising between us. Is it something with what I said? I thought it was pretty honest. Nothing wrong with it, right?

“So, you have been quite busy, lately,” I ask, trying to break this stalled air. I was never the one to start a conversation, but so much has happened today, might as well do something different for once. “The pizza jobs, the job at the mart, even selling trash…”

Aubrey lifts her head up, bringing her eyes back to meet mine. “Yeah, about that…” She then looks away momentarily, staring away into the far houses. “I guess you could say I’m doing a…community service, sort of.”

“Community service?” I repeat the words she said, probing her to elaborate more.

Her gaze goes into the far distance as if reminiscing of something. “These few years, I have not been…the best with people. I did lots of things, some of which I'm proud of, others not so. Everywhere I go, people would give me a certain look. Disappointment, Disapproval, resentment, you name it. I don’t blame them. I mean, who would want to hang out with a girl carrying around a nail bat, right?”

I remain silent, letting her continue her story, all while a ping of guilt is creeping inside me. To think I was partly to blame for her to become like that.

“So now, I’ve been thinking to y’know, change all that. Change how they look at me, even if just a bit. Do some jobs here, help some people there, doing bits and pieces. It sure is a way to kill time, that’s for sure.”

“…glad that it’s working out.” I point out to her. Judging from the reactions of the people we encountered today, it seems she is fondly accepted. One of the things I really admire about Aubrey is how proactive she is in dealing with things. Unlike me, she always knows what she wants, and works hard to get it, even if it takes a long time. What a great quality to have in a person.

Hearing my comment, she lets out a small laugh. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Unfortunately, her laugh is a dried one. “But there are some that still glances at me in a resentful way. Even in school. I did make some new friends, but there are still people that talk behind my back, saying how my actions are still insincere, or how I’m still not to be trusted with.”

“I guess people forgive, but they never forget.”

…

Such a powerful line. Only made up of a few words, yet it struck me deep in the heart.  People can forgive you now, but the past has already been written. There is no way they would forget all of that as if nothing ever happened.

An ex-convict can change as much as he likes. Giving charity to those who need it, contributing towards a healthier community, overall being a productive member of society and an upstanding citizen.

But the fact is, he is still an ex-convict, thrown into jail for committing a crime. That label will forever be his brand, shamelessly stamped on his forehead. A few good deeds wouldn’t erase that. A few apologies wouldn’t erase that. A few drops of tears definitely wouldn’t erase that. 

“They don’t forget, huh…”

I know. I know very well that that is not what she meant, but my pessimistic self keeps telling me that it is somehow directed towards me. It has been a long time since then, and I made my peace with it.

But no matter how many times I wash my hands, the stains of blood still remain.

Aubrey suddenly panics, her face turns towards me with a shade of worry and guilt. “Oh no, Sunny. That’s not what I meant. I-I was talking about myself when I said that…”

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. Did I somehow say that out loud? I really need to be aware of my own actions from now on. “Oh, of course, Aubrey. I was just…repeating what you said.”

What kind of reason is that?

“Sunny,” Aubrey says my name in a commanding tone, making sure that I pay full attention to her. “You are still our friend, and I will drill this into your head for as long as it takes, you hear me?”

Her voice is so sharp, my body instinctively stood up straight, like a student being called to the principal’s office. Sitting before this amount of strength and dedication, I could only reply with a smile, nodding my head a few times.

…

I was worried. Worried about the possibility of meeting my old friends again. Even after a whole year, the seed of doubt is still planted deep inside my conscious. And to be honest, that seed still remains now.

One of the reasons I told them all the truth was to be free of the ghosts that haunted me and to let them move on from their own guilt. The fact that I’m moving away does helps me a lot in that matter. I didn’t seek forgiveness, and if they lashed at me, then that was fine. They didn’t have to see my face anymore. It was a win-win situation.

Yet, after everything that we did today, would it be alright for me to cast away this doubt? To actually let my guard down? It seems her actions are nothing out of malice, but out of genuine friendship. One that we built since childhood.

Maybe, there is still hope.

...

RING RING

A sudden ringing noise disrupts the flow of our conversation, pulling me from this temporary bliss. It sounds like it’s from my phone. Whoever could it be? The only ones that have my number are my counsellor, Mom, and—

Oh no.

Panic starts to boil within my chest. Bringing the phone close to my ear, I slowly press the answer button. “Hello—”

“SUNNY! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? IT’S BEEN FIVE O’CLOCK AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T COME BACK. DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I AM?”

Ah, damn it. Here we go again. I got so caught up in delivering pizzas I totally forgot to tell her I’m going to be late. She’s going to kill me.

 It seems Mom uses a megaphone to talk since even Aubrey is giving me a look. “Heh, is that your mom?” I nod, silently apologising to her. Luckily, she understands me, giving me a slight nod, as if telling me to take my time.

Bringing my attention back to the raging woman, the gears of my brain begin to cog, finding ways to escape from this mess. “Sorry, Mom. I-I forgot to call you beforehand.”

“Where even are you right now? For crying out loud Sunny, you said you’re going to be back around 2. It’s already been three hours!”

A bud of sweat rolls on my forehead. How the hell am I sweating in this cold weather? “I’m still at Faraway. But don’t worry, I’m with my friends.”

Somehow, her voice gets even louder. “Your friends!? Who are you with? I swear if that Basil kid is with you again, I’m gonna—”

“Aubrey, Mom. I’m with Aubrey!”

“…huh?”

Damn it, I just have to blurt out her name. Why did I drag her into this mess of mine? I timidly peek at her, wondering if she’s mad at me.

Instead, the girl laughs at me while giving me a look of sympathy. Aubrey stretches her hand towards me before saying, “Lend me the phone.”

“O-Okay…”

The moment the phone rests on her ears, a switch has been flipped. “Hi, Mrs. Suzuki. It’s me, Aubrey. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Who is she and what happened to the Aubrey I know?

 Her manners, her tone of speech, even her posture go through a whole transformation. The wild, rebellious teen is gone, replaced by the typical ‘sweet-girl-that-lives-next-door’ trope. Had this been a cartoon show, my jaw would have fallen, crashing to the ground.

“…yes, yes…”

“…oh, don’t worry about that…”

“…alright, I will…”

After a few minutes, Aubrey hands me back the phone, and she smiles in satisfaction. “All settled! But your mom is still pissed for not telling her, first.”

Well, my fate is doomed. Nothing I can do about that, except by accepting the inevitable. “It is what it is…” I sigh, rolling my eyes to the side. “Thanks, by the way.”

She gives me an ‘OK’ sign, before her eyes land on my phone. “Nice phone. It’s Nokia, right?”

 “Yeah. Got one from a second-hand store.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t get those flip phones everyone’s talking about.” Aubrey points out; her voice shows genuine curiosity. “Isn’t that the hottest trends among the city kids?”

“It’s a bit expensive, so I didn’t get it,” I explain. If I could, I would definitely get my hands on one of those. Flip phones are super cool. The way you open it like a clamshell, then the sound of it as you shut it, gives off the vibe that you’re just after a very important call meeting. It’s so satisfying.

“Oh, I forgot to ask. You still have our numbers, yeah?”

…

My grip on the chains tightens. Once more, I find myself in a similar situation.

Life has a funny way of screwing me over. It seems that no matter what I do, my actions will always end up hurting or disappointing others.

I was given something. Something to be trusted, a sign of friendship. And in a fit of rage, I cast it away like it’s some insignificant trash. Such immaturity.

Though it has been long since then, the pain that I felt that night still remains, refusing itself to be forgotten. There are some nights where I wished I could take it back, but I know no amount of wishful thinking would reverse everything.

And now, I am facing my punishment, and along with it, another set of choices. To come clean, or to mask it with lies? Both have very good reasons to. A white lie, a necessary evil to protect what’s left of this friendship we have.

‘But this is different! No one’s suffering from your cowardice, and the weight of your lies this time is nothing compared to the last one. There is no need to come clean.’

True, that is a compelling argument. But will my conscience let me live with it? Can I sleep at night, knowing that I, once again, run away from the truth?

“Didn’t you…trust us?”

Her words linger on my mind, guiding me towards a certain choice. These are my friends we’re talking about here. We swear to depend on each other in times of need. And they have proven to accept me as one of their own.

Should I just take a leap of faith?

“Oh, about that. I…”

…

…

…

“…I lost it.”

“…”

Aubrey stares at me in silence. Her eyes are empty, and I couldn’t pinpoint what she’s feeling. No words are shared, but her silence screams a thousand words. Did she buy it, or did she not? I couldn’t tell.

In the end, I couldn’t do it. Fear hovers above me with judging eyes, and I crumble at its weight. Perhaps, I overestimate myself.

“…I see. That’s a shame then.” She sighs, her voice seems drier than usual. “Do you want my number, then? Since you have a phone now, you can keep it safe this time.”

“Okay…”

…

A familiar number is displayed on the phone screen.

The sky has turned darker, signalling the end of the day, telling me that time is running short. Aubrey gets up from the swing, walking towards the park’s exit before she stops to turn towards me. She gestures her head towards the road, saying, “It’s time, Sunny. I’ll walk you towards the station.”

I remain seated at the swing, looking down towards the ground. Is this really the ending that I wanted?

…

My feet won’t budge.

“Sunny?”

…

My lips tremble.

“I lied.”

Aubrey raises her eyebrow, letting out a slight hum.

“I didn’t lose it. I even saved it in my phone.”

…

My body quivers.

“But I deleted it. I got fed up with everything. With myself. For being so…scared. I’m sorry…”

…

The deed is done. What pushes me to change my mind? Is it my self-righteous side taking over, or am I being overwhelmed by guilt? I can’t say for sure. All I know is that I choose this path, and the only thing that awaits me is her response, whether I like it or not.

…

…

“…I know.”

“Huh?”

I raise my head feeling puzzled, as the girl traces her steps back, now standing inches before me, looking at me with a soft expression. “You can’t fool me, Sunny. I knew from the moment you told me you lost it.”

“But, how…”

“Sunny, how long have we been friends? From our times playing together, to our long talks at the swings. I can tell what’s going on in that head of yours. Well, I’m not that accurate, but still…”

 “Then, aren’t you m-mad?”

Aubrey’s lips force a smile, and I swear I could see a vein pops out from her forehead, even her eyebrows twitch a little. “Oh, don’t get me wrong. I want nothing more than to deck you in the face right now, but…” She pauses, giving out a hearty sigh. “…it doesn’t matter now, right? You’re here now, and that’s what matters.”

My cheeks flush in red. This has to be the most embarrassing moment of my life. To think that not only did she see through me, but she instead didn’t act on it, even though I rightfully deserve a beating or two.

“And besides…” She continues. “Your mother wouldn’t let you come back here if she finds out her son suddenly has a black eye, right?”

Both of us laugh, even though there’s nothing funny about it.

Soon after, the girl lands her hand on my shoulders, surprising me a bit. It is not out of malice or some sort of grudge, but a gentle touch of an old friend.

“Sunny…” She tilts her head a bit, still maintaining eye contact with me. “…thank you for being honest with me.”

I nod my head. Once more, I feel undeserved of the amount of kindness she has been showering me with.

Faraway’s bus station is pretty quiet in the evening, save from a few people chattering among themselves. Aubrey and I are waiting on one of the seats, simply enjoying the evening silence. There’s something different about this group of friends and my other ones. With the likes of Rudy and Rowan, I always feel anxious whenever our talks become stalled, fearing that they might find me boring. But with the ones here, like Aubrey for example, I feel content with both of us spending our times together like this. It feels…peaceful.

A few minutes after, a roaring engine soars through the sky, as a huge bus enters our field of vision. It's time to return home.

I turn my face, facing my childhood friend. “Well, I’ll be going now.”

“Yeah. Take care, Sunny.” She replies with a smile on her face. “And, thanks for today.”

After doing one last mental check on my belongings, I make my way towards the bus. Today is certainly an experience, one that I will cherish to heart.

“Hey, Sunny!”

A voice calls for me from behind. Aubrey looks at me with expectancy. “Will you…come back here, again?”

On any other occasion, I would’ve answered no. A place full of memories, both good and bad, is too much of a risk for someone like me to take.

But after everything that’s happened today, a spark of hope has been ignited inside. That, everything will be okay in the end.

“…I’ll try.”

And with that, the bus finally drives into the main road, and the last thing I see is Aubrey waving her hands at me, followed by the town of Faraway at the background.

The ride back to the city is pretty quiet. The few passengers in the bus are either staring at the window, plugging in their earphones, or sleeping away their tiredness.

Half an hour has passed, but it seems my mind is still hung up at Faraway, remembering back the things I did today. Exploring the town again, visiting Mari, and of course…

Meeting Aubrey again.

She has changed a lot, hasn’t she? From the angry, rebellious teen to a now softened one, though there are still remnants of her past. My eyes are gazing at the window, and slowly I imagine the cool wind breezing my hair, as Aubrey sped through with her bike. The greasy taste of Gino's pizzas, alongside Aubrey's little remarks of how bad it is. The nostalgic feeling at the swings, with Aubrey sitting beside me like we used to. It feels so surreal, knowing that after everything that we’ve been through, we are still able to laugh without a care in the world. 

…

My heart aches a bit. Damn, I miss her already.

An idea comes into my mind. I pull out my phone, navigate it through the contact list until her name is displayed on the screen.

A year ago, I always felt a sense of fear looming all over me, as small eyes pop up at the screen, intimidating me to no end. But this time, that feeling dissipates entirely, leaving me with a sense of relief and peace of mind.

My gaze is fixated on the screen. Should I do this? Wouldn’t it annoy her somehow? It’s just been 30 minutes, isn’t it too early for that?

But the things she did today, how active she was reconnecting with me, how forward she was, the honesty she displayed.

It would be unfair if I don’t repay her with the same kind of treatment, wouldn’t it?

…

…

“Wow, it has only been half an hour, and you’re already calling me?”

Her voice comes out from the small phone speaker, though it's a bit muffled. But that tone is all I need to recognize who it belongs to.

I let out a slight laugh. “H-hey, Aubrey.”

“What’s up, Sunny? You wanna say something?” She sounds awfully cheerful.

Uh oh. I didn’t actually think this far. Quick, think of something to say! What’s on my mind at the moment? What am I thinking at this time?

Why do I even call her again?

“Oh no, nothing. It’s just that I…uh…mmm…”

“…I just miss…hearing your…v-voice…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…bzzzt…what…Sunny…I can’t...bzzt…hear you quite well…bzzzt…”

My heart palpitates like crazy. “O-Oh no, it’s nothing j-just checking up b-bye!”

I cut off the line, burying my face into my hands as deep as possible, feeling myself slowly melting into a puddled mess.

What the hell was that all about!? Did I really just say that? Is my brain having some sort of malfunction? Ugh, I so want to die right now…

Well, it’s not like she hears what I said. Thankfully the line has a disruption. If not, then forget coming back here, I’m locking myself in my room again.

My body feels heavy, probably due to the exhaustion from today. I rest my head on my seat, shutting my eyes, impatiently waiting for sleep’s embrace.

Thanks to the autumn season, most places would have a drop in temperature, and people have been advised to wear more thick clothing to accommodate the cold. This also includes Faraway, a small isolated town located somewhere in this vast world. Though, it seems this town appears to have a slight temperature rise.

In other words, the air of Faraway is quite warm, and it’s all thanks to a certain teenage girl. As to how this one person can cause this small phenomenon, the cause is yet unknown to the public.

Aubrey is rolling on her bed, her face is glued to her pillow while her blanket hugs her body like a huge sushi roll. Though she’s not looking at the mirror, she can tell just how red her face is. Poor Bun-Bun has to witness such an abomination coming from her owner.

“I just miss…hearing your…voice.”

The more she thinks about it, the deeper the blush on her face is. What was that all about, she wonders to herself. What did Sunny mean when he said that? Did he even hear himself talk?

It was a good thing she acted fast, faking the whole line-disruption thing, or else she would have no idea how to respond.

The last time she felt like this was when she was just an innocent, sweet child. To think that she would experience this emotion again, with this intensity, even.

After steam-rolling her mattress, Aubrey finally tires out, now lazily laying on her bed, staring at her patched ceilings. This room has always felt cold, devoid of warmth. A gloomy feeling hangs around the beaten-up walls.

But now, the only thing she feels is the warmth from her heart, and frankly, she likes it.

If before her room is dark and gloomy, now it is bright and...sunny.

She shakes her head. That is a bad pun.

A big sigh escapes from the girl’s red lips. It has been like half an hour, and she already misses him. He said he’s coming back, right? Would it be this Christmas? Or maybe, even sooner than that? She could only guess…

“Damn it, Sunny.” She slowly mutters. “It’s rude to make a lady wait, y’know.”

Chapter Text

Ugh, today just couldn’t get any worse.

A garden of roses is not as beautiful as they make it to be. Between those beautiful, striking petals, lays the few small, sharp thorns, ready to harm those who are unwary. There is nothing in life where everything is viewed through rose-tinted glasses. Few mishaps are meant to happen.

The part-time job today was—well, tiring, to say the least. Thanks to the holiday season slowly creeping its way in, most shops will have their annual end-year-sale promotion. With the number of customers swarming in, suffice to say, things can get a bit hectic, and oh boy, it did get hectic. Orders coming in at a neck-break speed, customers with their very own personalities; some are tolerable, others not so. Chatter noises slowly drown the screams of fellow workers; if you’re the type who can multitask and work under pressure, then this is a good field to test your strengths.

However, I am not one of those people.

“Snap out of it, Sunny!”

“Are you deaf, kid!? This order should be delivered five minutes ago!”

“If you can’t do things as simple as this, then get out of here!”

The words keep lingering in my mind, bugging me to no end. I try various ways to distract myself: listening to music, finishing some homework, even trying to go to bed early. Here I am, laying on my bed for what feels like hours, yet the venom dripping from their words keeps stinging me, making it hard to fall asleep.

I know. I’m very well aware of the challenges and risks a part-time job has. Dealing with people, getting yelled at. It’s not like this has never happened to me before. But to think it can get this worse…

I admit, there are many things I am still incapable of. Being a shut-in in four years makes you regress in more ways than one. The skills one needs to communicate with people, the patience one needs to face various troubles. These are things people naturally learn as they mix with society and interact with others. Something that I’m currently struggling with.

“…then get out of here!”

Perhaps, they were right. If I can’t handle this amount of pressure, why even bother trying? What once was an opportunity to try new things, now has become a pain to do. Going to work every day, getting yelled at for things that are simply out of your control; where’s the joy in that?

Sometimes, I wonder if I should continue working like this. So many things I don’t know, so many things I’m incapable of. What makes me think I can take on this? Perhaps, I overestimate myself.

Maybe I should just give up.

…

DING

A familiar noise pulls me out of my thoughts. I silently grumble, cursing what kind of sicked soul out there, that thinks sending me a message in the middle of the night is a good idea. Whoever that person is, they deserve a personal ride straight to hell. And it better be important! If it’s some kind of scam like [[FREE HOT DEALS!!!]], I swear I’m going to—

Aubrey: you awake

…oh.

Well, I’m still mad. But I’ll make an exception for this one.

Sunny: yeah still am

Aubrey: you need to sleep early you know

Well, look who’s talking. I wonder if I fire her back with the same question, will she get offended?

Better not to. I’m not that eager to know.

Sunny: yeah yeah I know. So, what’s up?

Aubrey: can’t sleep. I’m bored.

Sunny: wanna talk about it?

Aubrey: yeah sure

And just like that, all of my worries and stress are washed away, like it never happened in the first place.

The night continues its reign, as Aubrey begins to share the daily things she encountered, whether it be the mundane stuff like school work and gossip, or the more bizarre ones like that one time Mikhael punched a crane machine due to not getting that adored Sweetheart figurine. Every now and then, I would chip in, giving small comments on how bizarre her stories are.

Ever since my last visit to Faraway, Aubrey and I have been more in touch, whether it be through text messages, or the occasional voice calls, though she’s the one that started the conversation first. It’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s just hard to start something first. Letting other people be the ones that take the lead has always been how I handle things. At least, with Aubrey contacting me first, I know that she wants to talk to me. What if I start a conversation, but she is not really in the mood, then just play along simply because we’re friends?

It’s stupid, but my pessimistic self won’t stop planting these doubts.

…

As the conversation continues, I become unaware of the passage of time, my mind is completely immersed in Aubrey’s daily life story, absorbing every detail and its plot twists. There’s something about the way she tells her story that is so alluring, so engaging, that it pulls my whole attention towards her and her only. Even though it is told through the limits of 160 characters, I can feel the twinkling stars in her eyes, the aura of enthusiasm that is so infectious, as if I am really there, experiencing the story myself.

It’s as if I never left. That I’m still there at the park, swinging with a wide smile by her side.

Just me and her.

Although, it would feel much more like that had we actually voice called right now. Maybe, next time. Wouldn’t want Mom to barge in and yell for pulling an all-nighter.

…

Our talks are fun, but it sure is getting a bit late. Aubrey can get really carried away when telling her stories. I’m glad that she’s having fun, but if this keeps up, I’m going to be a sleeping log come tomorrow morning.

Aubrey: so yeah, mikhael is now banned from going to that arcade ever again. Serves him right

Sunny: well, he deserves it. Anyway, it’s getting quite late. Need to sleep.

Aubrey: oh crap its already 1am. Sorry about that sunny. Must be tiring for you, huh

Sunny: no big deal. It’s fun talking with you.

…wait, that came out quite wrong. Damn it, I just have to screw that one up! Now, she’s going to think I’m flirting with her, or something. Quick, I need to diffuse this before—

Aubrey: hahaha yeah. It’s fun talking with you too. Just like old times, right? Wish we could do this sooner.

Phew. Glad she didn’t take it the wrong way. I blow air out of my mouth, wiping sweat from my forehead, even though I'm not really sweating. I really need to stop this. Getting heart attacks during midnight is not good for the body.

Sunny: yeah, me too. Ok then, Aubrey. Good night.

Aubrey: Yeah. Good night, dear~

I pull the phone screen away, finally letting my hands rest after a long session of texting. My only good eye feels a bit dry, probably from looking at the phone for too long. Tomorrow is going to be a long day…

…

…

…

Wait.

Something doesn’t feel right.

My body tenses up as I reach the nightstand for my phone. I don’t know what causes this; maybe I just remembered some overdue homework, or maybe some weird, overlord has hypnotised to do his bidding through the phone screens. Either way, I need to find the source of this.

Soon enough, my fingers navigate me to my chat logs, my eyes are as wide as saucers, staring at its latest message. The palpitations begin once more, as the meaning finally sinks in me.

‘Good night, dear~’

She…she can’t mean it that way, right?

I mean, it’s probably a typo, since she’s sleepy as well.

But if it isn’t…

Then she really just called me…

…

…

…

“Today’s work has been really rough, lately. The boss is going to kill me at this rate.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Sunny. Wish I could help a little bit…”

These last few days have been a hellish experience for Sunny. The constant need to work overtime, the ear-ringing shouting from his boss didn’t help to ease his stress in the slightest. If it were up to him, he would gladly slap some senses into that self-entitled bastard and tell him of how fed up he is with everything. But alas, if Sunny gave in to those innate desires, then how could he find a source of income for his family? There was nothing he could do. It was hell.

“It’s okay, Aubs. You being here with me is good enough.” 

“Aww, you romantic dork.” She playfully coos, nuzzling her head deep into the crook of Sunny’s neck; her personal spot. “Getting sappy with me at this hour, Sun-Bun?”

“Mm…” He lets out a small sigh, gently running his fingers through Aubrey’s pink hair.

Even though work may be a pain, Sunny is willing to bear it all. Because he knows, someone is waiting for him at home. Someone that can easily wash away all of his stress with only a smile and a 'Welcome back, honey!'. And who could that be, if not other than his friend, his partner, and most importantly, his wife? 

He doesn’t ask for much. Just a simple job, a small home, and a quiet life with the one he loves. That’s all he needs.

Drowsiness starts to take in, slowly probing the tired Sunny to close his eyes. “Auby, I’m getting sleepy…”

“Hehe, alright then. You deserve it.” She lightly giggles, before planting a soft kiss on his cheek. On any other occasion, Sunny would reply to her affection with a few pecks on her soft, lovely face, but today is already hectic as it is. Oh well, there is always tomorrow. They have all the time in the world.

Just before he drifts into the world of dreams, Aubrey inches closer to his ear, whispering the words of love.

“Good night, dear~”

…

…

…

AAAAAAA SHE’S SO CUTE I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT—

THUD

“…ow.”

Reality is a cruel mistress. Instead of landing my lips on Aubrey’s, my face ends up kissing the hard, wooden floor. It is cold, lifeless, and empty. Like my soul.

Snapping out of it, I place my eyes onto the screen once more, reconfirming whether it’s a hallucination or not. And sure enough, her text remains unchanged.

My eyes didn’t play tricks this time. She…she really called me ‘dear’.

I can feel the blood rushing through my face, making me feel hot all of a sudden. The gears in my brain operate inhumanly, finding ways to rationalize this.

What could she mean by that? What was her intent behind that text?

…it couldn’t be, right? The chance of that happening is one in a million. But let’s say, hypothetically, it is true. That she exactly meant what she said. Then…

…

No, it can’t be. It’s just me looking too much into things.

Aubrey is my childhood friend. That’s all there is to it. Nothing more. Nothing less. It’s impossible for anything more than that to blossom between us.

First off, she is completely way out of my league. Comparing her to someone like me: a skinny physique, a short height, a non-talkative person; a boring personality. Not to mention, a once shut-in. I can’t even take care of myself, much less someone else; an undependable person. What kind of girl finds that attractive?

I’m not like Kel, who is a charismatic person, pulling everyone towards him, similar to his brother. I’m not like Basil either, who is gentle, making people easy to be around him.

I’m just…me.

And to make things worse, I hurt her. Multiple times, whether it is through my actions or my words. I’m not a good person.

I don’t deserve her. And she deserves someone else. Someone that she can depend on. Someone that understands her. Someone that can take care of her.

I wish I was that person for her. But the ugly truth is, I abandoned her for four years. It’s good enough that we’re already friends. To ask more than that is just being selfish.

…

I hate feeling like this. Just a moment ago, I was all over the moon, indulging in my own fantasies. And now, here I am, being reminded of the harsh reality. One that I brought upon myself.

This burning feeling inside of me, the fire that is ignited every time her image flashes in my mind, should be cast away. The sooner I move on, the sooner I accept the fact that all I could ever have with her is a strong friendship, the better. And that’s good enough.

Climbing back onto my bed, I let out a dry sigh, covering myself with my blanket, waiting for sleep’s embrace. Tomorrow’s going to be a new day, and hopefully, these feelings will decay soon enough.

Hopefully.

“Yo, Sunny! You still with us?”

A light tap on my shoulders makes me aware once more of my surroundings. We’re supposed to be having English class now, but the teacher has some personal matters to attend to, so a substitute has to come in. Luckily, he is a bit carefree, so we are free to do our own work as we please. Chatter noises can be heard everywhere; some are gossiping about other popular students’ lifestyles, while others are having a quite heated discussion about some kind of sport.

“Hey, Daniel. What’s up?” I turn my head towards my desk mate, his blue eyes look at me eagerly, alongside a couple of his friends.

“You free after this? We are planning to hit the karaoke, and Susan can’t join us today. You wanna pitch in?”

Oh, I see. So, I am just a backup plan in this. Someone only to replace one of them. Well, it’s not like I should be offended or anything. The fact that they even want to invite me is good enough.

I rub my head, giving him a sorry look. “Thanks, but I’m quite busy after this. Part-time jobs.”

“Ah, bummer. Next time, then.” And with that, he waves his hand, before continuing his conversation with his other pals.

Compared to this a year ago, my school life has been going towards a better turn. Finally loosening myself a bit, I find myself having more small talks with people, even though said talks are shorter than Rowan's temper. But still, this is miles better than me last year that no one wanted to talk to.

Of course, all of this wouldn’t happen without the help from my two other friends, who encouraged me bit by bit to open up with others. I couldn’t thank them enough.

The pungent smell of dirty water and clogged toilets fills my nostrils with feelings of disgust. School bathrooms are basically a spitting image of what hell looks like, with vulgar drawings and the unholy sight of whatever is inside the toilet bowl. I can’t help but sympathize with the janitors for having to face this ‘scenery’ every day. I would prefer to relieve myself at home, but to hold it in till school ends? That’s just absurd.

Luckily, the toilet is quiet enough for me to be at peace. The loud voices of teachers and the noises from fellow classmates can be an annoyance. At least here, I can recollect my thoughts, pondering about today’s events.

That is, until a loud banging noise comes from the outside, followed by a group of people suddenly singing their throats out. Judging from their voices, it’s probably around three or four of them.

…

My heart stops for a moment. It’s Mike and his gang. I can tell from his raspy voice and the sudden smell of nicotine.

Of course, out of everyone, it has to be HIM. Inside a toilet, no less. The one place where you don’t want to encounter someone like him by your own lone-self. And, that unfortunate soul has to be me.

What should I do? Is it better to just stall here and wait till they leave? They don’t seem to be in a hurry to return to class, though. It would be hours till then. And my long absence from class will surely raise some eyebrows.

If I come out of this stall, I have to face them. And my relationship with Mike is not what you call an ideal friendship. The repeat of last events will happen again. I don’t want that.

But if I don’t leave, then how long do I have to sit here and wait for a miracle to happen? And who’s to say they won’t get suspicious of this one locked bathroom door? If they try to peek inside, then this whole situation would take an even worse turn.

I violently scratch my head in frustration. Why, oh why, am I being put in this situation, with him of all people? Can’t he just disappear from this school? Why is it always me?

…

I make up my mind. It’s a lose-lose situation. Might as well go for it.

I unlock the bathroom door, allowing their crooked singing voices to reach my ears unfiltered. After washing myself, I make haste towards the exit. The sooner I escape, the better.

Don’t look at them. Keep a neutral face.

“Woah, what’s up shorty? Haven’t seen you in a while…” One of his friends perks his head, noticing my presence.

Don’t look at them. Keep a neutral face. Just head towards the exit.

“Hey, idiot! We’re talking to you!”

Don’t look at them. Keep a neutral face. Just head towards the exit, and—

THUD

A sharp pain jolts through me, as my body is pinned towards the cold, dirty wall. Another dirty uniform.

Mike finally makes his move, grabbing the collar of my shirt with his shit-eating face right close to me. “Hey, dumbass. When people are talking to you, you look at them.” He snarls.

“…”

His breath smells of cheap cigarettes. I hate it.

“…why are you looking at me like that? You got a problem, then say it.”

“…”

He reeks of filth.

“FUCKING ANSWER ME!”

“…”

He raises his voice in anger, trying to appear intimidating. I remain silent, staring daggers into his dark-brown pupils. There’s no way I’m giving him the satisfaction of me cowering in fear.

I’m tired of seeing his face. I’m tired of having to live in constant fear of him. I’m tired of all this.

Simply put, I hate him.

My silence rubs Mike the wrong way, much to my delight. He begins to ball his hand into a fist, readying to unleash his anger on this so-called ‘poor, weak, shorty kid.’

And I’m done playing games with him.

Just before he could land his punch, I bury my teeth deep in his hand, forcing him to let go of my shirt. Mike winces in pain, dropping his guard down. Not letting him a chance to rebound, I go up close and land a strong headbutt on his forehead. My head hurts, but no matter. The adrenaline is enough to mask the pain.

As my eyes lay set on the exit door, I immediately make a dash for it, before Mike’s other two friends pin me back into the wall; each of them holds both of my arms, rendering escape useless. I wriggle my body, try to twist my arms, but is futile. It’s two against one, after all.

“Hahaha, this kid’s got some energy in him!”

“Poor shorty, trying to fight back? How adorable…”

My good eye lands on the livid Mike, now walking towards me, rubbing his forehead. “Not bad, midget. But you’re gonna pay for that.”

Hopelessness begins to seep in. My eye begins to water, but I try to suppress it as hard as I could. If I show a glimpse of weakness, they win. I maintain the same glare I’ve been giving him, not wanting to falter.

“Still not gonna talk, eh? Fine, guess I’ll have to force it out of you, then!” Mike readies himself to knee me in the abdomen. I mentally prepare for the pain, before—

“What’s going on over here!?”

A foreign voice snaps all of us, as we all turn our heads towards it.

“Rudy…”

The blue-haired boy glances at me, a bit of surprise is shown on his face, before turning his attention towards the other three. “Hey there, Mike. You’re looking quite busy.”

“…”

“The hell you want, Rudy!? This ain’t your business!” One of Mike’s friends tries to shoo him away, but the boy remains firm.

“Oh, but it is.” He replies. “That boy over there is my friend. So naturally, it is my business.”

“…he’s your friend?”

Rudy then continues, though his voice seems to rise with each passing moment. “Oh, but if you insist, then, by all means, do continue. But lay one finger on him…”

“…and I’ll repay it back ten-fold.”

His voice is calm, like stilled water. But deep down we know, he absolutely meant every single word of that. That is the conclusion all of us come into.

Slowly, the grip on my arms loosens, as both of them back away, looking uneasy. The three of them walk away, not even uttering a single word. There is no need to, for the message is clear.

“I don’t want to see you even near him again, you got that?”

“Don’t act like you’re any better than us, Rudy.” Mike hisses. “I don’t care how much you changed…”

“…a devil will always be a devil.”

…

“Hey, you OK there, Sunny?” Rudy finally approaches me, after everything seems to calm down a little. “They didn’t hurt you or anything, right?”

I flash him a thumbs up, my body couldn’t get even more relieved. “If you didn’t come earlier, I would’ve been beaten up.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t worry too much. The look on your face just now, sheesh.” Rudy pats me on the back, just feeling content that things didn’t escalate even further. “If looks could kill, you would’ve become a murderer!”

I could only reply with a simple shrug. “Thanks, Rudy. You really saved me.”

“Don’t sweat it. That’s what friends do.”

“Dude, you ever heard of John Titor?”

I raise my eyebrows as a reply. This is the first time I ever heard that name.

“You seriously don’t know?”

“…I don’t see anything in MySpace.”

Rowan is fuming as if he is going to flip this table we’re using. “You idiot! MySpace isn’t the only thing on the internet, you—”

“Be quiet!”

“…oops.” Rowan covers his mouth as if that is going to rectify his actions. He then whispers, “Forgot we’re in a library after all, heh. Anyway, where was I?”

The Lego-loving boy continues his rant about this John Titor fellow, who apparently claimed himself to be a time traveler in 2036. According to him, he was on a mission to retrieve an old computer, called the IBM 5100, which somehow was vital to prevent a deadly war. Whether all of this is true or not, well, guess we’ll have to wait a few more decades, then.

“I don’t know, Rowan. It’s interesting, but it’s kind of…too much? And 2001? That’s a few years ago.”

“Dude, he explained his method of time travel, and it’s all science stuff. He couldn’t possibly make that all up.”

“That, or he has way too much time on his hands.” I can definitely relate to that. Being a shut-in for years, having a good imagination is a must to keep yourself occupied. “Sorry, but I need to go. My job’s starting soon.”

“Alright, bro. You go on first. I need to return this book.”

…

After packing up my things, I get up from my seat—well, maybe too fast, as I feel something bump onto me from behind. I turn back, and much to my dismay, several books and papers are scattered on the ground. Uh oh. This is a mess.

“Um, sorry. I don’t mean to.”

“No no, it’s my fault for not looking.”

Feeling guilty, I immediately crouch down and work as fast as I could to gather back the books.

“Oh please, you don’t have to…”

I pay the person no mind. Intentional or not, this is still my mistake, and I have to fix it. From the back of my head, I can feel the peering eyes of other students looking at us, which may explain the sudden hotness I feel in my cheeks.

Oh well, too late to try to save face. Just toughen your skin for a minute.

After picking up the last paper, I pile them up before handing them back to the person, finally getting a good look on their face.

Instead of letting the hair flow freely, she instead opts to stylize it by tying it into two pigtails, with a small yellow hairpin attached at the right side of her head. Her dark-brown pupils blink once, while her black hair shows a shade of brown due to the glow of the sun from the window. She wears a short-sleeved white shirt beneath her black vest, with a bright red ribbon neatly tied in the front, along with a red skirt. It’s similar to a typical Japanese uniform, one might even think she’s an exchange student.

“Oh, thanks.” The girl timidly replies, before bowing her head a few times. “And sorry for bumping into you earlier.”

But there’s something off. Something about her appearance, her facial features, the way her eyes shyly look at me, the way her lips shake a little; it’s uncanny, to say the least.

“Dude, you alright?” Rowan approaches me from behind, finally takes notice of the ruckus, before turning his head towards the girl before me. His face lightens up a bit. “Oh, hey Hiyori. What’s up?”

???

The girl slowly nods towards the brown-haired boy, waving her hands. “It’s rare to see you here, Rowan.”

“Eh, could use a change of scenery.” He replies before both of them let out a small chuckle.

“…Hiyori?”

Rowan perks up as if he finally remembers my entire existence. “Oh yeah, I haven’t introduced her yet, have I? Hiyori, this is Sunny. The one I told you before, remember? Sunny, this is Hiyori.”

“Good to know you, Sunny. I apologise for before again, and I hope we can get along.” Hiyori starts first, bowing her head again.

“Uh, yeah, uh, me too, hmm.” I find myself struggling to even string a few sentences. This girl is way too polite for me to take in. Kind of makes me a bit self-conscious of my own behaviour.

I take one last look at her. If this is the Hiyori that I heard of, then Rowan was right. Judging from her manners, someone like her doesn't exactly fit Rudy’s rebellious shtick. They are both opposites of each other, just from their appearances alone! But hey, do not ever question something as mysterious as love.

“Well, I have to send these books to the teacher. So, if you excuse me…”

“Oh, sure, go ahead. Both of us are about to leave anyway.” Rowan replies, pulling me to the side to let her walk.

As we tread our way towards the door exit, I inch closer to Rowan, whispering my thoughts. “So, this is the one?”

“Yep.” He whispers back. “What do you think?”

“…not what I expected.”

“Heh, funny. Because that’s my exact reaction when I found out.”

School hours have ended a few minutes ago, and while students are swarming towards the school gates like a flock of mindless sheep, there are still many that choose to linger around, whether making a stop to buy small drinks, having their usual daily training session at the field, or gather together to hold a study group. From the corner of my eye, I spot Daniel and his friends, probably on their way to the karaoke booth. I could only stare at them from afar.

Truth be told, I do want to join them. Even though I was treated as a backup plan, they still invited me, didn’t they? In their eyes, I am considered a friend.

And I reject their offer, all for the sake of the part-time job, one that I no longer find any pleasure with.

How strange. When I applied for the first time, I was filled with a sense of determination, eager to take on the job, learn new things, living life as a normal high school student.

Yet, as time passes, that burning innocence in me slowly dissipates; the only thing that remains is the cold feeling of vain and harbored spite. Doing the same chores, seeing the same faces, hearing the same complaints, repeating the same routine, day in and day out.

…

My shoulders feel heavier than usual. Why am I still forcing myself to this kind of life? Is it out of a sense of obligation? But then again, this is something I do out of free will. Or perhaps, a way to pass time? Surely, there are more exciting ways to do so than this. So, what?

…

Honestly, having a dilemma about something as puny as this just hurts my head even more. Whatever. I’ll just go to work for today, then I’ll think about it.

As I make my way towards the school gate, a muffled buzz sound comes from my pocket. Pulling the phone out, I open the message; its sender is someone familiar, handing me an invitation.

Aubrey: Hey, Sunny. Have any plans for this winter? Come to Faraway, we all miss you!!!

Meanwhile...

School has always been uneventful for someone like Hiyori. Unlike the popular students, her life here is a quiet one, free of any gossips or arguments. Well, it used to, but that’s a story for another time. Spending most of her time in the library, busy rearranging the books, reading one of her favourite novels are enough to keep her mind off of other things.

Although, to say that she’s not slightly interested in the latest trends is a lie in itself. Sometimes, she wants to join in the talks her friends are having. It is in her nature, after all, to let those wings soar free and enjoy teenage youth to the fullest. But alas, her quiet, reserved personality is probably what hinders it, not that she could do anything about it. To suddenly become a loud, outgoing person one day is a big task. It’s just not her.

Today, however, is slightly different, for she met with someone. A boy named Sunny. Well, it’s not like there’s anything striking about him, it’s just…there’s something about him that feels off. It’s like looking at your own reflection in the mirror. You know it’s not exactly ‘you’, but in an essence, that reflection is, well, ‘you’.

She immediately cuts that line of thought. No need to go psychological here.

She quickens her pace towards the teacher’s office before a voice suddenly calls her from behind. A voice she is familiar with. A voice, which once terrified her, now a lovely tune to her ears, like the birds happily chirping on a summer morning.

“Hiyori! There you are.” Rudy catches up, who is more than eager to talk to the girl the second his eyes lay on her. “Hello, Rudy. Good to see you here.” She smiles.

“Where are you going? That’s a lot of books you’re carrying.” The boy points out, lifting his index finger towards the pile on her hands. “Oh, I’m just bringing these to the teacher’s office.”

“Well then, allow me.” Rudy offers his hands, carefully takes some of the books into his. “Oh Rudy, it’s okay. I can bring it by myself.”

“Oh, c’mon now. Let me help a bit, okay?”

“You don’t have to…”

“Nonsense. It’s just a couple of books, after all.”

Hiyori sighs, finally giving in to the boy’s requests. “Well, if you insist…”

Yet, under that sigh, a small smile is drawn on her lips. On one hand, she doesn’t want to trouble Rudy with her work, but on the other, spending some alone time with him is always a plus. Study work has been keeping them apart for some time now, so chances like these are getting rare.

She may also be getting a little touch-starved, lately. Does Rudy feel the same? She thinks to herself. Oh well, time to find out, then.

Rudy and Hiyori enter the teacher’s office, fully expecting one or two sitting by their desks, but their only audience is the silence and the ceiling fan slowly spinning on top.

“Huh, there’s no one here.”

“There’s probably a meeting going on.”

Both of them walk towards one of the desks, carefully placing the pile of books, letting out a slight groan after that. They’re not that heavy, but carrying that for some time can get your hands sore a bit.

“So, um, Hiyori…” Rudy suddenly talks, his eyes darting left and right with uncertainty, his hands slip into his pockets, hiding the nervous feeling looming all over him. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Um, yeah, it is...” Hiyori replies, knowing full well where this talk is going. Her hands twirl around her pigtails, trying her best to calm her slowly-increasing heartbeat. She wants to do something with him but is quite unsure if he will agree to it. Will he like it? Does it look a bit too much?

“Wanna go to the swings, after this?” The boy proposes, now looking straight at her, though a deep shade of red is plastered on his cheeks. “I-I can buy some drinks, on the way.”

That is a good choice. The old swing set has always been special for both of them, after all. But now, there is another pressing matter, and Hiyori’s brain is working its nerves off. Her angel self descends from above, telling her, “No, don’t do this, me. We’re in a teacher’s office. It’s inappropriate. Do it somewhere else!”

Suddenly, her devil-self rises from the abyss, cackling while mocking her other half. “Oh, don’t listen to that goody-two-shoes. You know you want it. You know he wants it too. And in a teacher’s office, no less. Isn’t that just racy?” The devil smirks.

Ugh, screw it. Whatever happens, happens. 

“Um, Rudy…” Hiyori begins, she timidly glances at the boy, fluttering her eyelashes, while her lips form into a small pout. Both of her hands are held on her back. “A-aren’t you forgetting something?”

“H-huh? I do!?” He stammers, his cheeks flush even deeper. Oh, that look on his face. The way his eyes widen in embarrassment every time she pulls something like this, darting left and right, trying his absolute best to avoid meeting her eye contact. Such a contrast from his 'tough guy' persona everyone associates him with. The fact that only she's the one that reduces him to a blushing mess, the fact that only she's the one Rudy will act so sappy with, Hiyori's heart fills with glee.

She sways her body left and right, exuding the shy, cutesy girl, roping the boy further in. “You know, I have been working myself a lot.”

“You do?”

“Mmhm.” She then lifts her fingers one by one, before continuing. “I have been jogging a lot more, talking a lot with other people, doing push-ups…”

“So…” Taking him off guard, Hiyori steps closer towards Rudy, boldly moves her face closer to his, so close she could feel his hot breath on her face, rendering her blushing boyfriend speechless. It requires every single inch of her willpower to hold the urge to just smash her lips into his, burning his taste into the back of her mind. “…don’t you think I deserve a little reward~?”

“R-r-reward?” Rudy’s knees buckle as if they’re about to collapse at any moment. The knots in his stomach tighten, as his entire vision is filled with nothing but Hiyori's smug grin. Her soft, absolutely kissable lips. Her deep, beautiful eyes which he countlessly gets lost in. He always wanted to admire her beauty from up close, but not like this! When did Hiyori get this bold!? Granted, both of them had hugged multiple times, sometimes even kissed too. But this is something new. His heart feels like it's about to leap out of his chest from the nervousness and the excitement he’s feeling.

“What do you mean by t-that?” There’s no way she’s asking for THAT, right?

Multiple scenarios play on his brain, varying to wholesome, sappy ones to absolute degeneracy, when suddenly Hiyori slightly bows her head towards his, putting his thoughts into a halt. “H-huh?”

“Headpat me.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Headpat.”

“…you want me to headpat you?

“Mmhm.”

“…”

Rudy feels his soul slowly escaping from his gaping mouth, before forcing it back into his body. He is expecting something far worse, but it is just headpats. Phew, nothing wrong with that. And Hiyori looks so adorable, too. Like a cat snuggles its head at its owner, craving for some attention. And boy, he is more than willing to shower this cutie all of his love.

With a gentle motion, his lands his hand on top her black hair, enjoying the softness of it, before pets it with care.

“Hmm…” A small hum escapes from the girl’s lips, encouraging him even more. Oh, how he very much enjoys this. It’s been a while since he did something like this with her, and with each passing day, his longing for her grows even deeper, that his dreams have been nothing but her as of late. And now, finally after so long, he can shower his affection to the girl he loves oh-so-dearly. The girl acknowledged his mistakes, yet chose to be by his side anyway. Oh, Hiyori. If only I can love you even more than this. 

Though, as he indulges himself in this bliss, something pleasant enters his mind. He doesn’t know how to describe it, but all he knows is that it is good, and he wants more of it.

Did Hiyori use a new shampoo, today?

No wonder he is feeling over the moon right now. The golden ray of afternoon shines through the window, the calm, silent ambiance surrounding them, the soft feeling of Hiyori’s hair; it feels straight out of a romantic setting. Waves of dopamine are sent to his brain, and he craves it badly.

Rudy's innate desires take over. As if someone is guiding him, he subconsciously moves his head closer, planting a soft kiss on her hair, all while taking the scent of her newly-applied shampoo. Hiyori’s scent.

He would bathe in this moment forever, had Hiyori’s sudden gasp not pulled him out of this entrance. “I-I’m sorry, Hiyori! I thought that, since I was petting your head, I could, you know…” Guilt now finally sinks in him, fully realising what he had done. Rudy slowly backs away, feeling bad, before he feels a light tug on his shirt.

Hiyori purses her lips, trying her best to hide her embarrassment, but even that couldn’t stop her ever-growing blush to reach the end of her ears. “I-I didn’t ask you to stop…”

“Oh, uh, okay…” The boy then put both of his arms, averting his eyes, his blue hair in contrast to his reddened face. “…come here, then.”

Such a cute sight from the boy she loves. It destroys any sort of restraint that held the girl back before.

Hiyori leaps towards him, perhaps too eager, as she buries herself into his chest, wrapping her arms around the blushing Rudy, smiling all the way. Leaning on his body, she unabashedly inhales his scent, feeling her thoughts with nothing but the boy before her. Rudy’s hand lands on her head, enticing a small giggle.

The pair enjoy each other’s warmth, slowly matching their breaths as the afternoon sun wraps them into a warm, loving hug. Rudy would sometimes land his cheek on her hair, peppering it with small kisses, causing the blushing girl to tighten the hug.

At that moment, nothing else matters. All of their worries, all of their fatigue, and stress from today are washed away by the overwhelming love they have for each other.

“We should probably go…the teachers might find us.”

“Mmm…” Hiyori’s soft voice comes up muffled from the fabrics of his shirt. “…five more minutes.”

Rudy ruffles her hair again, feeling the blush from before rapidly coming back. How can someone be this cute? It’s not fair! “Well, if you say so…”

He then closes his eye, enjoying the warm presence of his girlfriend back in his arms again. He makes a vow in his heart, that as long as his heart beats, he will never, ever forget this feeling.

Chapter Text

It is a chilly January morning, and I am sitting beside the windows, resting my warm head against the cold glass, looking at the passing dried trees, as the sky is overcast with grey clouds, shielding the sunlight.

The road to Faraway is quiet, save from the whispers and the light coughs from other passengers, along with the bus engine lightly rumbling from its interior. The bus driver’s hands are firmly glued to the steering, his radio remains silent. What a shame. This ride could use some uplifting tunes.

I slowly twiddle my thumbs. This moment of tranquillity always brings me back to simpler times. Mom is never a fan of the cold. Come to the end of the year, the words ‘bone-chilling’, ‘howling wind’, and all sorts of other descriptive ones would come out of her mouth, grumbling at the fireplace whenever Dad or Mari kept begging her to go outside. She’s not wholly to blame, though. The wind does send chills to the bone, which I agree with.

She was initially repulsive of me staying a few nights at Faraway. It seems her worry still remains, but the mention of Aubrey’s name causes a change of heart. Mom then spouts things like, how if Aubrey’s there, then she can be at ease. Or how she can depend on the young teen to take care of me, things like that. Ugh, I hope she doesn’t say things like that when Aubrey meets her, someday.

Though, the idea of Aubrey taking care of me is…

“…”

Blood begins to rush to my cheeks. Well, I could at least use that to cope with this weather.

Speaking of Aubrey, I pull up my phone, rubbing my fingers a few times to lessen the numb feelings. I navigate through my latest text logs, hoping that somehow it could solve the lingering thoughts in my brain.

Aubrey: Make sure to text me first when you arrive, okay? And I already told Kel about you coming, and he’s more than willing to let you stay at his house for a few days. So, don’t worry about a place to sleep. See you then!

“Kel…”

The image of the tall, tanned boy widely grinning at me, reminiscent of that time back then, keeps flickering in my mind. A part of me is more than eager to see him again, catching up with each other, talking about silly stuff like the recent comic issues or the latest anime shows (does he even like anime?). Yet, I couldn’t help but wonder if my presence would be greeted with a cold shoulder, with Kel refusing to look at me in the eye, rightly so. And me sleeping at his house? I’ll be nothing but a nuisance to all of them.

It was a miracle that nothing wrong happened with me and Aubrey. On the contrary, we are now in touch as friends. But with miracles, you can’t expect them to occur more than once. That’s just wishful thinking.

“This sucks…” I slowly mutter, watching my hot breath forms a fog at the window.

The moment I set my foot on the ground, a gust of wind breezes through, shivering my body from top to bottom. And here I thought my thick grey jacket is enough to withstand the cold. There is an option to wear more clothes, but that would make me really uncomfortable to move around. I bring my fingers to my face, slowly rubbing it before blowing warm air, hoping to ease the numbing pain.

“Yo, city boy. Over here!” A feminine voice calls for me, as I turn towards a pink-haired girl waving her hand, with a sweet smile drawn on her face.

I have to remind myself to breathe.

It might be me missing her, or me longing to see her face for months, yet the way she lazily wears a baggy white jacket, giving off a casual, yet still cutesy look. The way she slightly tilts her head whenever she’s trying to decipher my way of talking. The way she brushes her hair from her face, revealing her soft skin. The way her pink hair flutters, urging me to just brush it and admire it up close, is a definition of beauty.

My plan failed. It seems even the cold winter isn’t enough to put out the burning flames in my heart.

“Um, Sunny. You there? You look like you see a ghost.” A wave of her hand right in front of me snaps me from reverie.

“U-U-Uh, yeah. Hi…” Way smooth, Sunny. Give yourself a pat on the back, okay?

After exchanging our greetings, we make our way towards the town. The walk there is not far, and I have to make mental checks to keep my eyes on the road, and not on Aubrey.

“Well, here we are.”

 A fairly big house presents itself with colours of beige and light-brown roofs, with a blue doormat laid upfront, in contrast to its orange-coloured door. A small dog house is spotted just beside their garage.

At the corner of my eye, I glance towards a plain white house and grey roofs; nothing too fancy, just a typical middle-class house you see everywhere. But at the side of the door, the picnic basket most of us are fond of is now gone. What once was a distinctive feature of that household, now has become just like any other.

“…”

This place here holds many memories. Ones I wish to cherish forever. Ones I would rather forget. 

I turn my head back towards the house before me. In a few moments, Aubrey will knock on the door, and Kel will greet us with his trademark grin. We will have lunch at Gino’s, talking like we used to. I get to see Kel and Aubrey argue about stupid stuff again. Then, we’re going to crash in his messy bedroom, eating potato chips while playing some video games. Everything is going to be okay.

…right?

That’s how today is going to happen, isn’t it?

“Stay safe, bro. If you ever come to visit, always know that my house would always welcome you.”

I mean, this is Kel. The sweet, wholesome, and understanding Kel. We have been friends for as long as I remember. Sure, he can be naïve, and dense sometimes, but that’s a part of his charm. He will accept me, just like how Aubrey did.

…right?

“One year, Sunny. One year is not a short time…”

“…Kel was even planning to come to the city to see you, but we didn’t even know your address, let alone your phone number…”

“…didn’t we make a promise?”

“…Sunny, are you alright?” Aubrey’s voice barely registers, as the ringing in my ears gets louder and louder. I force myself to muster a reply, but only a few, incomprehensible words come out from my voice box. A coiled necklace is tightly tied at my throat, making me want to throw up.

“Hey hey hey, listen to me. It’s going to be alright, okay.”

She brings her face closer to mine, filling my entire vision with her.

With a firm hold on my shoulders, she speaks with a stern voice, locking her eyes with me. “Sunny, I need you to calm down. Breathe in. Breathe out, okay? Follow my voice.”

“Breathe in…”

“…”

“Breathe out…”

“…”

I close my eyes, focusing on my breaths, making sure I take things slow. And sure enough, the pain in my chest subsides, the knot I feel in my throat loosens. My vision slowly returns to what it once was.

“Hey, are you okay? Feeling better, now?” Aubrey asks, her face is still close to mine. I reply with a slight nod, still taking a few deep breathes, calming the racing heartbeat.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…” My voice sounds raspy, under the heavy gasps. “…I’m a bit nervous, that’s all.”

 “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t force you to come back here. I—”

“No, Aubrey! N-no…” I place my hands on her shoulders, trying to reassure both her and myself. “I-I need this…for me…”

My body is screaming for me to run, to back away from all of this. Multiple scenarios play in my head. Of how Kel ignores me for the rest of the day, of how his parents pretend to act hospitable, of how the possibility of meeting him again; the worst outcome.

Yet, despite these evil, parasitic thoughts, one single thought persists itself, as a question keeps echoing at the back of my mind, asking me:

What do you want?

“I-I want to see him…to see Kel again.”

Aubrey’s eyes bore into me, her lips quivering before finally drawing a small smile. “Okay. I’ll be there with you.”

“Thank you.” And with that, both of us tread our way towards the orange-coloured door. I feel a soft, warm sensation at my hand, only to realise Aubrey’s fingers are interlocked with mine, holding it tightly, as if she’s assuring me that I am not alone in this.

...

DING DONG

“Hello, is anyone home?” Aubrey calls in a surprisingly polite tone. A few seconds pass before a muffled voice can be heard from the inside. “Who is it?”

“It’s me, dumbass!”

Oh, okay. Never mind, then. That’s the Aubrey I am familiar with.

“Aubrey? Is that you?”

“Who else could it be? Now hurry up! It’s cold out here.”

After a few loud footsteps, followed by some rummaging noises, the door finally opens, and what towers above me, is a giant-tanned man, wearing an oversized yellow sweater, his hair has grown a lot longer. I have to even lift my head, just to get a good look at his face. “You know, it would be good if you could at least be polite with me.”

Aubrey gives a simple shrug, brushing the man’s words. “Anyway, look who’s here.” She steps to the side, as my miniature figure is wholly revealed. I timidly wave my hand. “H-hey, Kel…”

“…”

“…”

“…oh. It’s you.”

Huh?

The moment our eyes make contact, his face tenses up, as his smile from before slowly disappears. It emits bitterness, something that I never associate Kel with. “So, the city boy finally remembers to come back here.” He remarks, all while slowly approaching me.

Fear overtakes me. I slowly back away.

“What happened? Think you’re cool enough to hang out with guys like us? Is that it!?”

The ringing in my ears begins once more.

“Kel, what the hell—”

“Shut up, Aubrey! I’m not talking to you.” The boy scowls, not letting his cold gaze leave me. Aubrey then quickly stands between Kel and me, holding her ground.

This is a mistake, after all. All of this. I should’ve backed away when I had the chance, and now I ruin it. Of course, he’s going to find my presence a nuisance. Of course, he is going to have a grudge against me. After how I horribly treat him, this is the most sensible outcome. Why can’t I see this?

 There’s nothing I can do, except wait for my punishment.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“How about that, huh?” Kel suddenly nudges at the girl, his usual grin returns. “I saw this one dude did this at a movie once, and he looked so cool.”

“Ugh, you freaking idiot.” She facepalms herself, giving out a loud smack sound.

“Wait, what—”

Just before I could say anything, the tall boy lunges at me, his big hands wrapping around my skinny figure, like a bear trapping its prey. “SUNNYYYYYY. I MISS YOU MAN WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? IT’S BEEN MONTHS SINCE I HEARD FROM YOUUUU—wait, huh? WAIT NONONO DON’T CRY! YOU KNOW I WOULDN’T MEAN THOSE THINGS I SAID, RIGHT? NOOO, I’M SORRYYYYY.”

As he bear-hugs me to death, emotions run through me like a speeding train. Tears start to leak from my eyelids, unsure whether it’s me being scared, me being relieved, or me wanting to punch Kel in the face for pulling that stunt. But there’s one thing I know for certain. And that is…

That is…

That is…

…

My ribs are going to turn to sandpaper any second now.

“Kel…stop…can’t…breathe…” My plead for mercy falls to deaf ears, as this orange titan lifts my body up and down, crushing my bones to smithereens.

“I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY”

Damnit, he can’t hear me! I turn towards Aubrey, hoping she could slap some sense into this dude. “Auby…help…”

To my dismay, she gives a slight shrug. “Sorry, Sunny. But he won’t shut up talking about you ever since I told him the news. Let him have this moment, okay?”

My good eye rolls upwards, as my whole life flashes before me in an instant. Here lies Sunny Suzuki, he will be missed. Cause of death? Power of friendship.

After that near-death experience, all three of us finally step inside Kel’s house. It’s cozy, warm, few family portraits are proudly displayed on the wall; a typical house one dreams of owning. Such is expected from Kel’s family. Apparently, his parents took Sally to the mall in the city to buy some things, so for the time being, the three of us have the house for ourselves.

Kel, without a second notice, brings my luggage to his room, acting sort of like a chauffeur. He didn’t have to, but seeing the ever-widening grin on his face, I could do nothing but surrender to his hospitality.

“Listen, Kel. About last year, I…”

“Oh, don’t sweat about it, bro. Let bybones be bybones, that’s what they say.” Kel replies with a high voice pitch, like an exciting child inviting his friends to have their very first sleepover.

“Let bygones be bygones .” Aubrey groans from behind.

“Eh, sounds close enough.”

I feel something starts to boil in my chest. No. Not again. I can’t accept yet another blind forgiveness. “But, Kel. I—”

“Sunny, look.” The boy stops mid-stairs, his back still facing me. “Aubrey…told me everything. And, I’m sorry that you felt that way back then. I wish we all could help you. I mean, that’s why we gave you our numbers…” His voice sounds a bit strained. My body winces.

“But that’s all in the past. And it doesn’t matter.” As he says those words, the boy turns to face me, now with a wide smile that even reaches his ears. “What matters is that you are here, now in the present. That is enough to make me happy.”

I couldn’t believe what I’m hearing. It’s not fair, I repeat that to myself. To be shown this much kindness after everything that I’ve done is simply unbelievable. What’s even worse, is that this past year could’ve been avoided had I trusted them enough. Of course, they would accept me as their own. Of course, they would make time for me.

“T-Thank you, Kel.” A word of gratitude. That is all I could offer at the moment.

Kel beams at me, his grin shines even brighter. “Now, let’s go to my room already. A guest’s comfort is our main priority!”

As we continue our steps, I inch closer to Aubrey, whispering. “Kel’s really changed, huh?”

The girl simply scoffs. “About time he does…but yeah, he has matured a bit.”

"Does he know about the numbers? That I...you know..."

"...no, he doesn't. Do you want me to tell him?"

I immediately shake my head. "It's fine. I'll tell him myself." It was I that deleted their numbers. It only feels right that I find it back myself. 

We never realise the value of something until it slips out of our fingers. 

...

Kel leads us into his room, or as to how I like to call it, ‘The Vibe Zone’. A big boombox is slotted right between his disheveled bed and his small CRT TV, a basketball hoop at the top wall of his bed, and of course, the thing most boys’ rooms have in common: used clothes laid on the floor. Some may call it dirty, but nay, we fellow men call that reuse. A rule of thumb: as long as it doesn’t smell bad yet, then it’s still good to re-wear.

Overall, Kel’s room is the same as ever, the kind of room where you can stretch your feet and chill; a place you can call home.

Though, some might find this simply disgusting. “Ugh, these dirty socks…” Aubrey gives a disgruntled look, before pushing it into the corner using her feet.

After settling ourselves, Kel finally addresses the elephant in the room. “So, what do you guys want to do now?”

“Eh, I’m okay with anything. It’s all up to Sunny, though.” Aubrey replies.

“Oh, since everyone’s here, why not we go and see Basil?” Kel suggests. “I’m sure he’s still working at Fix-It. He’s working hard, even during holidays.”

“I’m not sure if he’s here. Doesn’t he have his usual doctor appointments during this time?” The girl points out. “And besides, I’m not sure if Sunny’s okay with that…”

Both of them face me, eyes full of worry and concern. I force myself to swallow a lump of air. Once more, I make my friends worry about me, and frankly, I’m getting tired of it.

Just like Kel, I too want to see Basil again. Judging from what Aubrey said, it seems he’s taking the path to recovery, and that lifts a weight off my chest. It’s good to know that he’s trying to move on, as we all should.

But to see him at this hour? Right after my small episode in front of Kel’s doorsteps? I don’t want to take the risk. That, or I’m making excuses for myself. Either way, he’s not available today.

“…maybe tomorrow?” I ask, with a hint of doubt in my voice.

Both of them look at each other for a moment, before replying. “Alright then, tomorrow it is.”

“So, what now?”

Kel perks his head up, his eyes show excitement. “You guys eaten anything, yet?” Aubrey and I shake our heads. “Well, in that case, let’s go to Gino’s. Can’t have a good talk without a good stomach, right? My treat!”

“Oho, you’re going to treat us? That’s new.” Aubrey snickers, before Kel replies with a proud grin, puffing up his chest. “Of course! Sunny’s in town, after all. If there’s any time to splurge some money, it’s now.” He then opens his wardrobe, putting on an orange winter coat, and a wallet in his hand. “Besides, I have to pay back the twenty dollars.”

I’m surprised he still remember the money he owed back then. My mouth is about to open, to tell him that he doesn’t need to before promptly shut it. Twenty dollars is a lot of money, to be fair.

As Kel readies himself, my eyes land on a box just beside his study table. Upon further examination, a white coloured machine is spotted inside, with a few cables and controllers messily tied together.

Hold on. Is that…

“Kel, you own an Xbox?”

“Yep!” The boy beams. “Just got it a few months ago. Been saving some cash to buy one, and Dad spotted in some too, since he wanted to play that one soccer game.”

My eye is glued to the gaming console, admiring the hardware machine, before I realise Kel’s presence, slowly approaching me with a knowing smug. “You want to play it, don’t you, Sunny?”  

My small lips curl into a smile, telling him that yes, I do want to partake in some gaming sessions.

“Hah, I know you would. Though, I don’t think Aubrey wants to join us…” The tanned boy then glances towards the girl, to which she looks away, hiding her ever-growing blush. “W-whatever.”

“Still feeling salty?” Kel raises his hand, pulling the holier-than-thou pose. “Maybe it’s about time you accept you’re not that good at this.”

“…I don’t want to talk about it.”

 “What’s going on?” I ask Kel, who is more than eager to share this story. “Oh, man. You are NOT going to believe this.”

“Shut up, Kel! Sunny doesn’t need to know.”

“Don’t care.” Not paying the fuming pink of fury any mind, Kel turns towards me, continuing the story. “Anyway, I invited Aubrey and Basil to play at my house, once. We were playing this one shooting game, and when it was her turn, oh boy, she was bad. And I mean, really bad. She kept dying to this one guy, and then…”

Kel’s story turns to a halt, as his body begins to shake, his widening grin reveals all of his teeth, trying his best to contain the hurricane of his laughter. “A-and to make things worse, that guy called us through the voice chat! You should’ve seen the look on her face. She was so mad, that I thought my controller was going to snap in two! Even Basil had to hold her down. CAN YOU IMAGINE!? BASIL, OF ALL PEOPLE!?”

“I-IT’S NOT MY FAULT, OKAY!?” The pink mess scowls, while her face is as flushed as the freshest tomato you could find. Her cyan ribbon suddenly erects, taking a shape of bull horns, fitting for its owner. “That guy was being a total jerk in the first place!”

Kel continues to laugh his butt off, so much so he starts to wheeze like a dying donkey, gasping for air. Aubrey grumbles, stomping her way towards the door. “Screw you guys, I’m waiting downstairs.” The door is slammed shut, leaving me with the cackling maniac.

“Hah…hah…oh man, that was good, hehe…Sunny, are you alright? You look kinda spaced out, there.”

“H-huh? O-oh yeah, I’m fine, mmm…”

I prefer not to speak. If I speak, I am in big trouble. Big, big, trouble.

So, an athlete, a delinquent, and a hermit all walk into a bar. Or, a pizzeria, in this case.

A quiet, stilled atmosphere, greets us as we open the door to Faraway’s Home of Italian Food, not like there’s any other choice. The warm, cosy temperature in contrast to the cold outside sends waves of relief through us. After reserving our seats by putting our respective winter coats down, we head towards the counter.

Gino perks his head up as soon as the bell at the door rings. “Welcome to Gino’s Pizza, how can I…oh, Kel. It’s you.” His voice turns to a deadpan one once his eyes lay on the tall boy. “I reckon you’re going to order a Hero Sandwich, today?”

“Hi, there.” Kel greets back. “Nah, not today. Two big meatloaf pizzas, please!”

“Oh, you’re actually going to order a pizza?” Gino fires back.

“Yes…that’s why I come here…”

“Mmm…makes sense…”

Kel and I return back towards our seats, landing our butts on the soft, warm cushioned chairs, enjoying the comfort of the heat emitted from the heaters. Aubrey joins soon after, bringing the pizza we ordered.

“Your shift is not today?” I ask. The girl replies, shaking her head. “Nah, someone else can pitch in.”

“Yeah, right, whatever. Let’s dig in!” Kel remarks, extending his hand to reach the delicious bread at a light speed.

Without wasting any time, we gobble up the pizza in front of us, enjoying its explosive meaty sauce and the oily grease dripping from its crust, as our munches are the only sounds coming out from our chewing mouths. Despite Gino’s infamous reputation of serving unhealthy foods, in time most of us accepted it as one of its charms.

Our eating session does not go in silence. After settling down, Kel then shoots me with a barrage of questions, not letting me have a chance to rebound.

“How’s the city life?”

“How’s the new school experience?”

“Is the city filled with people wearing business suits, with flip phones at their hand?”

It’s like having a badminton match, only this time, fatigue starts to catch up, and my serving gets sloppy. Whereas the opponent’s playstyle gets more aggressive.

Can’t say I don’t enjoy it, though. A bit of mental exercise wouldn’t hurt.

“Ahh, I really want to live in the city after I graduate. Can you imagine? Me, watching the city nightlife from above, a glass of Orange Joe at one hand, a flip phone at the other. So classy~” Kel stares towards the far horizon, with stars glittering in his brown eyes.

I don’t bother to point out the endless car horns blaring the ears. “It would suit you,” I reply, finishing the slice on my hand.

“Oh, speaking of the city. I need to know one thing.”

“Hmm?”

“Is there a big Orange Joe factory over there? Or maybe, an Orange Joe shop?” Kel asks me with expectancy.

“Oh, sorry. But they don’t. Orange Joe is hard to find since not many people buy it, and they only sell it in small stores.” I answer, feeling a bit guilty.

And so, the child in the young Kel withers, as he droops his eyelids in disappointment, like a dying plant reaching its age. Truly, a tragic story that could even rival Shakespeare’s.

“Hah, knew that would be the case.” Aubrey cackles, seizing the chance to mock the orange lover. “See, Kel? No one drinks that putrid drink anymore.”

“Nuh-uh. If there’s truly no one, then…” Kel points towards the counter, where a medium-sized poster is hung on the wall. “…why are they doing the Orange Joe Drinking Challenge?”

The girl blows air out of her nose. “Seems to me they’re desperate to get some customers. And besides, having a challenge? At least, they’re self-aware.”

“Grr…” Aubrey’s words, coupled with her smug grin seem to be getting under Kel’s skin. He grits his teeth, before he relaxes his eyebrows, composing himself. “I…need to use the bathroom. You guys go on.”

Huh, that’s a weird reaction. “What’s up with that?” I ask.

Aubrey simply shrugs. “Who knows? Probably has a bad stomach or something. Do you see the way he eats?”

With Kel bailing, it’s just me and Aubrey, trying to finish this oversized pizza by ourselves. Good thing we’re halfway there, my stomach is about to reach its limits.

Wait.

…

Oh crap, it’s just me and Aubrey.

Somehow, the sudden realisation changes something in me. I begin to fidget in my seat, sometimes twiddle with my thumbs, making a mental note to cut the growing nails. My ears catch the buzzing sound of a fly, much to my annoyance. Was there a fly a few moments ago? My good eye is darting everywhere, landing itself on every single detail this old pizzeria has to offer. The smudge on the table, the big jukebox, an old couple sitting a few tables across from us.

But eventually, I couldn’t resist the temptation to gaze upon the girl sitting right across me.

Aubrey is busy tending to her slice of pizza, which she holds on her right hand, while her left is brushing the bangs of her pink hair, revealing more of her face. Her eyes stare into the slice, studying the ingredients and its toppings. She blinks once, twice, before she opens her mouth, not too big to reveal her throat, but enough to see her front teeth. Aubrey then bites the pizza, letting the cheese from the topping stretch a bit, before it breaks. She then licks the sauce on her red lips, taking a piece of tissue to wipe it off. Her jaw moves up and down as she chews the food with her lips closed.

To others, it may be a normal girl enjoying her meal. But to me, it’s like witnessing an outline for a drawing slowly gains its shape and colour, as the artist pours his heart and soul to create his very own magnum opus.

This dreamy feeling would last forever before I realise her cyan contacts suddenly meets my gaze. For a split second, time moves at a snail’s pace, as the world is swallowed by the white void, the only ones present are me and her. Her gaze is so alluring, so beautiful, like a rare jewel found on a plain, vast desert. You couldn’t help but want to admire it up close, to hold and cherish it with your whole life.

It doesn’t matter if it’s cyan, dark-brown, or any sort of colour. It’s beautiful because it belongs to her.

The moment flies by in a heartbeat, as the blood rushing to my cheeks pulls me back. I avert my gaze from her, focusing on anything, just anything but her. My stomach begins to turn, the feeling of nausea creeps in. I could only pray that she didn’t notice that.

All of my bravado to bury the hatchet, to put out the burning fire in my heart, to let these feelings wither away. Yet, all of those crumbles at the sight of Aubrey, eating pizza of all things. Way to go, Sunny.

I spot a woman wearing a striped shirt with an orange apron over it approaching us, carrying what seems to be a tray of glass bottles. She heads towards Aubrey, lightly tapping her shoulders. ‘Hey there, Aubrey. Enjoying the food?”

Aubrey looks back, flashing a smile to her co-worker. “Hey, Tina. Thanks for taking care of my shift.”

“No problem. Anyway, here are the ten Orange Joe drinks as ordered. I have to say, you’re pretty daring to take on this challenge.

…

A loud ding can be heard from the kitchen. “Wait, what? I don’t even remember taking a part of the challenge.” Aubrey replies.

Tina raises her eyebrows. “Eh? But just now your friend said that you wanted to enter the challenge.” She claims, filling up our table with the orange drinks. 

“My friend? But that would mean…”

Just before Aubrey could finish her sentence, a laugh creeps its way from the corner, interrupting us. A laugh so evil, so vile, it drips of malice. Like a villain, who after years and years of meticulous planning, finally sees his efforts come to fruition. From the darkness, he emerges, revealing himself before his friends—no, his enemies.

Aubrey’s face drops in horror, fully realising the trap she fell into. “You…”

“It is I, Aubrey!” The orange menace throws his hands in the air, pulling a pose that would put even Mikhael to shame. “I am the one that put your name in the drinking challenge. You should feel honoured.”

“YOU ABSOLUTE BUFFOON!! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT!?”

“Why? You want to know why!?” Kel asks mockingly. “For months, I kept quiet, keeping my opinions to myself. For months, I played along with your foolish remarks, of how Orange Joe is dying, and how horrible it tastes. But that ends NOW! I realise the only way to change your mind is to give you a taste of it. You can thank me later.”

“Thank you, my ass! I’m not doing this stupid challenge, and that’s final!” Aubrey shouts at him, before turning towards Tina, who is clearly enjoying this little theatre show. “Tina, please. Can’t you help me here? You know how much I don’t like drinking these.” The girl begs, giving her co-worker puppy eyes.

Tina hesitates for a moment before she lets out a dry sigh. “You can withdraw the challenge, but you have to pay the compensation. That’s how the rules say.”

“…fine, I’ll pay. How much?”

“Well, since one bottle is five dollars, so the total would be…50 dollars.”

“50 DOLLARS, WHAT THE HELL? I DON’T HAVE THAT MUCH MONEY RIGHT NOW!” The poor girl shrieks in terror, even I feel my jaw drops to the ground. That price is going to suck the soul out of my wallet. What kind of trouble did Kel get us into? Seems like there is no way to get out of this.

Aubrey ponders over her decision; her eyebrows furrow, as she closes her eyes shut, pulling her long hair in distraught. In a blink of an eye, I swear I could see her teal headband flap up and down as if it suddenly gains sentience. She glances towards Tina, then to me, then to the bottles on the table, then finally back to me. Her eyes scream for help, pleading for me to save her from this tragedy.

Believe me, Aubrey. I want nothing more than to just grab your hand and dash away from here, as we ride together on your scooter towards the far sunset. Too bad we’re not the main characters of a children’s fantasy book.

“What’s wrong, Aubrey? It’s just a drink, it can’t hurt you.” Kel snickers.

“Will you shut up!? You’re the one that started all of this.” With each passing second, the girl’s voice begins to lose more and more hope, until eventually, she succumbs to her painful fate. She grabs one of the bottles, loudly sighing. “Fine, I’ll do it…”

Kel claps his hands, applauding his friend’s courage, while I flash her a thumbs up, wishing her luck in silence. “You’re not helping much, Sunny…” she says…

…before a lightbulb suddenly lightens on top of her head.

“Say, Sunny…” She speaks to me, mischief can be heard in her voice. “Didn’t you say you hated Orange Joe too?”

…what?

“I remember that one time, you used to complain at me all day long, of how disgusting it was, and how you rather drink milk- and plain milk, you told me, than Orange Joe. It was rare to see you that angry too.”

Her accusation throws me off balance. What on earth is she talking about? While yes, Orange Joe is not my first choice of drink, I never once bad-mouthed it in front of everyone. This is slander! Lies! Betrayal at the highest degree! Why would she accuse me of doing such a thing? “Aub—”

Just as I am about to defend myself, I feel a cold shiver running down my spine, as it guides me towards a certain friend, staring daggers at me. It’s as if he was stabbed in the back, and the culprit is me.

“Sunny…how could you…”

“Wait, Kel. I—”

“That’s it! I am done with friends stabbing me in the back! You are entering this challenge too, whether you like it or not.” He pulls out a fake sob, wiping his non-existent tears. “And here I thought we were friends…”

And so, I remain seated like a clueless idiot, unable to do or utter a single word, as Tina begins to place some of the bottles in front of me. How did things get into this? Just a moment ago, I was enjoying my friends’ company, and now I’m being dragged into a competition I didn’t even sign for. This is not what I come to Faraway for.

All of this is her fault. She’s the one that causes all of this. If only she kept her mouth shut, none of this would have happened. “Traitor…” I murmur, giving her a cold stare.

Aubrey clasps both of her hands. “Sorry, Sunny. But you know I can’t finish all of these.” She whispers. “You will help me, right? Please?” She maintains her eye contact with me, giving me puppy-like eyes, battering her eyelids, with her soft, cute voice making my knees weak. “Won’t you help your friend, Aubrey~?”

“…”

“…”

“…f-fine.” I answer half-heartedly, reaching for the bottle, mentally preparing myself to chug this carbonated drink. And beneath it all, my heart begins to palpitate like crazy. Curse her and her wicked tactics. With her face pouting to me like that, how could I ever say no? It’s unfair how adorable she is. Oh, I just want to pull her close and—

No, Sunny! Focus! Right now, she's your enemy. A cute one, but still your enemy. 

…

“CHUG IT, CHUG IT, CHUG IT. YEAH!!”

“GO, SUNNY! GO, AUBREY!”

“C’MON, AUBREY! SHOW THEM WHY YOU’RE OUR LAST MONTH’S BEST WORKER!”

“My bet’s on the eye-patched kid. He’s drinking it like crazy.”

It only has been two bottles, yet my stomach is churning inside like an erupting volcano. The pungent smell, the carbonated taste which hurts my throat, and these people’s annoying cheers don’t help me in the slightest. And I still have three more. I want to go home.

Well, at least Aubrey’s suffering with me. Poor girl is clinging to whatever sanity she has left.

For a split second, our eyes meet, and I feel flowers start to bloom inside. It's as if she's telling me in silence, that even if we’re suffering, at least we’re in this together. It’s bittersweet, in a way. I give her a small smile. She curls her lips upwards in return.

Oh, she’s so beautiful—

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING? YOU GOT TWO MINUTES LEFT!”

Shoot me.

Somehow, Aubrey and I complete the drinking challenge, and what did it cost? A really bad stomach, the constant urge to throw up, and the destruction of our bud tastes. I can’t even differentiate between what’s sweet and what’s bitter.

Oh, and there’s a picture of me and Aubrey laid wasted on the table, while Kel was watching us with amusement. That’s a plus, I guess. A picture of Aubrey is always a good thing.

Kel and I are now walking back towards his home, and Aubrey heads towards hers since she says today’s already too much to take in. I can’t blame her. My body is already yearning for the softness of a bed, no matter who it belongs to.

“Mom, Dad, I’m home! Guess who’s with me?” A loud greeting informs Kel’s parents of our presence, as both of them are busy doing their own business. The moment their eyes land on me, their faces brighten as if one of their relatives has come to visit.

“Sunny! How are you, my boy?”

“Oh, it’s good to see you again, Sunny. Have you been eating well?”

Though it’s a bit to take in, I try my best to keep up with them, even though it can get quite exhausting. This warmth, this radiance, is something I really crave in a family. I know Mom tries her best, but maybe it’s because of our living conditions, or the rare occasions of relatives visiting us, but the apartment room in the city can get cold and lonely.

Once more, I am reminded of my mistakes. My reckless actions are what robbed me of everything. We would still be here in Faraway with Dad and Mari, had I just…

No. Stop it, Sunny. Keep those bad thoughts away. You don’t want to sour the mood now, do you? Even little Sally is here, happily sleeping in her cradle while suckling her little thumb. The pure happiness Kel must have felt that day, knowing another sibling shall enter his big family.

After we exchanged our greetings, Kel pushes me into his room, while his mom’s reminder of dinner is heard from our backs. The room is pleasantly warm, in contrast to the chilly weather outside.

“Ahh, it’s good to be back here~” The boy lets out a loud groan, stretching his arms and legs. Throwing his jacket on his bed, he looks at me, saying: “So, want to play some games?”

I nod my head a few times, akin to a child who is promised to get candy. “Which console are we playing?”

“Depends. Though, I do have more games on the PS1 than the 360. Whichever is your choice.”

“…PS1.”

“Sweet. Let me set things up, first.”

As Kel pulls the console out of the box, my feet wander around the other parts of his room. Kel’s side is full of what you expect from him: action figurines, some leftover snacks, used clothes everywhere. A perfect spot for roaches to hide in. Hopefully, there’s none, though.

A clear contrast to the opposite side of the room. Trophies perfectly align, not a speck of dust is spotted on it. Everything is squeaky clean, similar to those bedrooms you find on pamphlets. It gives off an image of perfection, just like the owner of this room.

I stare into the open space, watching the apparitions of a young man, sitting at the study table. His eyes are glued to the book, preparing for his college entrance exams.

…with a young woman sitting beside him.

“…”

“…Sunny?” Kel pats me on the back, bringing my thoughts to a halt. “Are you okay? You, uh, spaced out for a moment, there.”

“Uh, yeah. I’m just…thinking about my place to sleep.”

“Ah, no worries about that. You can just use Hero’s bedroom. Look’s it’s even tidy and all!” He beams.

The mention of his name sends shivers down my spine.

“O-Oh, Sunny. Don’t worry about it! It’s not like Hero’s using it. And I’m sure he wouldn’t mind it anyway…”

“Yeah…”

None of us share a word for a short while.

“Is it done? The game?” I ask, wanting to steer the conversation. Good thing he picks it up. “Yeah, it is. Come on.”

The day goes on, as the sounds of cars crashing and explosions come out blaring from the small CRT TV. Kel is having the time of his life, with his eyes glued to the screen, his brows frow a bit as his car attempts to cut past the computer’s. I wish I could just forget everything and lose myself in this game, but these small thorns of negativity keep pricking me inside. Just the thought of me being in his room feels so…wrong.

This needs to stop. “Sorry, I need to go to the bathroom.” I excuse myself. Kel only replies with a nod and a small hum.

I step outside the room, while Sally’s heartful laughs and Kel’s mom’s cheery voice fill the household, as a children’s cartoon is playing from the main television. A lively family. 

The bathroom pretty much reflects the cosy feeling this house has. Few botanical plants are hung at the wall, the bookshelves to satiate the boredom, a big mirror at the sink, and a small table mirror beside the toilet bowl. It’s spacious and wide, comfortable for any to use it. 

Aside from the torture that is drinking Orange Joe, today seems to be going well. I was able to reconnect with Kel again, the three of us hung out at Gino’s, overall, we were having fun just like back then. I couldn’t ask for anything more. As for tomorrow…

Well, best not to think about it for now.

After relieving myself, I get up from the seat and flush the toilet down. While washing my hands, an unusual sound comes from the toilet tank. Water seems to be leaking out from it, wetting the floor in the process. Oh no, did I break something? The only thing I did was flush the toilet, nothing else. This has never happened back home. Great. I am a guest in this house, and I already made a mess. What a nuisance. 

Okay, relax. Don’t panic. Just go and get some help, and they can probably fix this. 

I tiptoe my way back to Kel’s room, where he is engrossed in his gaming sessions. He probably didn’t notice my presence, even after I opened the door. A weight of guilt hangs over me. I was hoping he could help, but it feels like I am using his kindness and hospitability to my advantage. 

“Um, Kel…”

Of course, he doesn’t notice me. My voice comes out like a squealing mouse. Only after I lightly tap his shoulder, does he realise me calling him. “Oh, Sunny. What’s up?”

“Um, don’t get mad, but uh, I think I break your toilet,” I murmur under my breath. “Sorry…”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

I lead him towards the bathroom, showing him the mess that I created. The leaked water is now spreading throughout the floor, even dampening the laid mattress. I turn my head away, not daring to see him in the eye. “I’m really sorry…”

“Hm, why are you being sorry for?” Kel blinks once, before approaching the cabinet, pulling a strange, flat object. “It’s just the toilet has a running problem, again.” 

“Running problem?”

“Yep.” He points to the overflowing water. “Usually, this happens when there’s something wrong with the float or the flapper is getting old. Luckily, we have an extra flapper just in case, so this wouldn’t take a while.”

My brain is spinning, trying to decipher these new foreign words, akin to me being thrown into a new country and having to listen to locals speaking a language I don’t understand. Kel lifts up the tank cover, revealing some sort of mechanism inside, making me surprised. Truth be told, I never even bothered to open one before, fearing that I might break something in the process. 

“Kel, is there something wrong?” His father walks in, catching up the wind of the situation. “Oh, nothing. It’s just the toilet running again.” Kel replies.

“Do you need help? Remember what I taught you.”

“I’m fine. It’s almost done, anyway.”

Kel’s father draws a prideful smile, resting his hands on his waist. “It’s really good that you’re getting proficient with things like these. Now I don’t have to worry when you move out by yourself. Isn’t that right, Sunny? HAHAHA!”

“Yeah, sure…” I reply timidly, while he pats me on the back. Damn, this man can really pack a punch.

He then continues. “Kids like you need to pick up skills like these as soon as possible. When you grow up and have a house, a family of your own, it will be really important. Not only you can save money, but you will also be a more independent person, overall!”

My lips remain shut, slowly digesting the words he said. Kel’s father gives me another pat on the back, before turning towards his son. “By the way, Kel. Where are my car keys? You were the last one that used it, right?”

“It’s in my room. On my study table.” He gives a short reply, his eyes still focusing on the tank. Kel’s father leaves shortly after. 

Something about what he said back then piques my interest. “Keys? You can drive, Kel?”

“Not that great, though. Dad won’t let me drive that far yet, since I don’t have a license and all. So, I only drive around this area.” Kel then continues his business, while I simply watch him from behind.

“…”

What is this?

What am I doing?

Aren’t I supposed to say something, here? Maybe, ‘Congrats, Kel. Learning how to drive early is good!’ or ‘You should drive to the city when you can.’ Even a measly ‘good for you!' is enough. Anything to celebrate his achievements. 

But I can’t. My tongue is held in place, not allowing it to move.

Is this jealousy?

“…”

No, it’s more than that. It’s not that I hold any sort of grudge over him.

It’s self-realisation. That Kel, despite being the same age as me, is becoming a strong, independent person.  

And I’m the exact opposite of that. 

“…and it’s done. Now, the toilet won’t bother us anymore, and we can finally sleep well tonight. C’mon, Sunny. Let’s get back to our game.”

…

Both of us return to the room, and Kel picks up his controller, resuming the game. But my mind is still elsewhere, lingering on the words Kel’s father said. 

“…you will be a more independent person!”

What does it mean to be independent?

To be confident and do things without needing help from other people. To be able to think and make your own decisions with confidence. To be able to stand on your own two feet as you enter the world of adulthood, and that I shall venture soon.

The world of adulthood. Am I ready for such a phase in my life?

I still rely on Mom for so many things. Whether it be for cooking or my basic needs. Even though she is busy with constant overwork, she always has some time for me, albeit short. But at least, she tries, and I appreciate that. 

Though there are some nights, where everyone is sleeping their fatigue, a slow weep can be heard from her room. 

“Oh, Sunny…I can’t take care of you forever…what will happen to him when I’m gone…”

One thing I learned is that life is short and fragile. You might meet someone today, but there’s always a chance that they will slip from your fingertips, leaving you all by your lone self. 

Mom will not stay with me forever. There will come a time, when I have to move on by myself, without her by my side. And that sends shivers to my body. The last time I was alone, I couldn’t even leave the house. 

…

I take a look at Kel. We are about the same age, yet he knows so much stuff. He has seen many things, gained lots of experience. His parents wouldn’t worry about him, for he can take care of himself. Because he’s an independent person. 

A total opposite of me. 

How am I supposed to be an adult if I can’t do things as he can? How can I live my own life if I don’t have the basic skills to survive?

How can I even dream of taking care of Aubrey, if I can’t even take care of myself? 

The irony is so obvious it almost makes me laugh. Here I am, dreaming of having a future with my so-called ‘dream girl’, yet even the most basic things I found myself struggling with. I want to shout, to scream at my past self for shutting himself away. I could’ve learned so many things, picked up all the skills had I just stayed patient. If only I didn’t do the things I did. If only I was good enough. IF ONLY I DIDN’T PUSH HER AND—

…

…

…

What am I doing, fretting over the past like it would change anything? No matter how much I cried, begged for a second chance, everything has been written. Those four years, all I’ve done was run away, chasing distant butterflies, never once stopped to realise the flowers I stomped on, the lives I destroyed. All for a chance that never came. 

My life…has been a waste. 

Kel is still focusing on his video game. Maybe he can solve this dilemma of mine? Perhaps, his words may be a key to this problem. It wouldn’t hurt to at least try.

“You’re so lucky…”

“Hmm?” Kel turns to me, pausing the game. 

“You can do so many things: play basketball, make new friends, fix toilets. You can even drive too. You don’t have to rely on anyone for help.” The words flow out of my mouth like a broken dam, and I can’t stop it. With each second, my head feels heavier. 

“I’m not like you. We’re at the same age, yet there are so many things I don’t know, so many things I miss.” Gosh, I feel so pathetic. Wallowing in self-pity like this, how would Kel react, I wonder. He was just having fun moments ago, and now he has to witness something as petty as this. 

“…”

“…”

“…then learn.”

His reply lifts my head up, meeting his eyes. “You know, Sunny. Back when I first joined the basketball team, it was rough. Do you think I was putting in constant pointers back then?”

I shake my head.

“I thought I was good enough, that I have already played the best I could. But when compared to those who have been there for some time, I was nothing. And I won’t lie, it felt terrible. Seeing all these people, some of whom were even younger than me, pulling these amazing throws. It got to me. At one point, I was even considering quitting.” 

“But you want to know what my coach told me? He told me to keep at it. To learn, learn, and keep learning. Never give up, until you reach your goals. It was hard at first, but eventually, I was able to play as well as them. Some of the team even considered I was among the best. Not sure if they’re being honest though, heh.”

Kel looks at me for a moment, before momentarily panics. “Oh boy, where am I going with this? Um, I-I guess what I’m trying to say is that everyone starts somewhere, you know? Most of us are not born a genius, so don’t worry about not knowing stuff, okay?”

His words stir something within me. A faint ray of sunshine shines its way through the thick, dark clouds of self-doubt. There is a never hint of disgust, nor the look of judgment in his eyes. Only a smile. A smile so universal even a baby knows it by heart. 

Just like back then, Kel pulls me from the darkness of my own prison, letting me see the light this world has to offer. This amount of kindness is too overwhelming. I don’t deserve it.

“Well, it’s probably too late for that. I’m going to be eighteen this year, so…”

“Nonsense!” He interjects. “There is a saying, you know: Life is a constant process of learning. So, it doesn’t matter if you’re a kid or an old man, what matters is your desire to learn.” 

…

“W-wow…” I suddenly let out a gasp, feeling in awe. “Where did you get that quote?”

“Oh, Mom put lots of motivational stickers at the fridge. I just happened to remember that one.”

My lips couldn’t help but curl upwards, letting out a chuckle. That’s just who Kel is, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“T-thanks, Kel.”

“No problem, bro. Now, let’s get back to our game.”

We jump back into the land of fantasy, as Kel changes his game, now embarking on a secret mission to infiltrate a military base, with only a cardboard box as his cover, weird as it may be. And I am there, spectating from behind.

Only this time, I watch him with a smile on my face. 

Bonus:

“Hey, Kel. I have to tell you something.”

“Sure, bro. What is it?” Kel flinches a bit, hearing me use those words. Whoops. Should’ve worded that a bit better.

“Do you remember the Aubrey story you told me? Of how she got so mad?”

“Mmhm?”

“…I’m the guy.”

“You’re pulling my leg.”

“I’m not. Your username is Death Reaper 69.”

After dropping such a bombshell, I expect Kel to start laughing like a crazed lunatic, and oh boy, does he deliver. He cackles from his bed, his body is spasming and moving like a demon trying to possess his body. At one point, it gets so bad he has to cover his mouth to cover his wheezes.

“Oh, man…hihihi…it makes too much sense now…hahaha…” The boy gasps, taking a few deep breathes to calm himself.

“Promise me you won’t tell her, okay?”

“I will, I will. Don’t you worry about that.” Call me a pessimistic man, but I don’t feel an inch of assurance from this man. Maybe it was a mistake telling him in the first place. Oh well, at least he finds it amusing.

"You know, I had a feeling it was you. The way that man talked sounded really familiar. To think it was actually you..." Kel wipes off the tears from his eyes, still clutching his stomach. "Small world we live in, huh? So, you have an Xbox now?"

"No. That time I was playing at my friend's house." It was weird how I didn't recognise Aubrey's voice back then. Perhaps I was too busy trying to stay in character.

Although, there is something that bugs me. “Why do you call yourself Death Reaper?” I ask, finding it weird how someone like Kel could find a name so…grotesque.

“Huh? Oh, that. Pretty stupid name, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I made two accounts: one is my personal one, and the other is for others who come to play. You see, I wanted to give it a simple name, like Bob or John. But Aubrey and Basil thought it was lame. I forgot what Aubrey wanted to name it, but it was too girlish? Or too explicit? Somewhere between the two.”

I simply nod my head in succession, before the realisation hits me like a truck. “Wait, then that means…”

“It’s Basil, yes.” 

Chapter Text

When we decided to meet up at Hobbeez first before entering Fix-It, I never would've guessed the town would be coated with the white snow this fast. The slippery roads as I came out of Kel's house are certainly a surprise, considering no snow was falling down yesterday. Maybe that explains the quality of sleep I had last night. The warmth comfort of the quilt was enough to knock me out. It felt like I was back in Mari's loving arms, as she told me children's stories during the cold night.

"Blergh, what is up with comics these days? It used to be so cool back then." Kel lets out a fake gag, turning the pages of the book, his eyebrows frown in disgust. He couldn't be closer to the truth. With the countless reboots, the silly spinoffs, one can't help but wonder if the writers are running out of ideas or simply wanting to stretch it as far as they could. Or perhaps we have grown up from that phase. Poor Space-Boy. He could conquer space, yet even he remains hopeless against the testament of time.

That is sad and nostalgic and all, but there is another pressing matter I need to address. "Hey, Kel. You got a minute?"

"Hmm? What's up?" Kel asks, his eyes still glued to the comic.

I swallow a lump of air, balling my fingers into a fist. This is it. The moment I come clean with him. It took me hours to do so, but it's better late than never. "Um, can I have your number?"

"Oh sure, bro. Wait a sec." He pulls his phone before abruptly stops. "Hold on, didn't I give it to you already? I'm pretty sure my number still stays the same."

"About that. I…"

…

"I see."

"I-I'm sorry, Kel. It's a stupid thing. I really shouldn't have done that."

"Hey, it's okay, now…" Kel brings his arm over my shoulders, pulling me close. "I…I'm sorry that you have to go through all that. I wish I could do more to help you. But let's not worry about that anymore, alright? As I said, you're here now. And that's all I care about."

"Thanks, man." I muster a quiet reply, giving him a small smile. He simply nods back.

Our moment is interrupted when a girl's voice suddenly calls for us. I expect it to be Aubrey, but the voice sounds far too cheery for someone like her. "Hey, Kel! Good to see you here."

He turns his head towards the voice, his usual grin returns. "Mincy! Hey, how are you doing?

"I'm fine, thank you." She beams at him, before finally noticing a person besides the tall boy. "Oh, is that you, Sunny? It's been a while, hasn't it? You come here to visit?"

I wave my hand towards the young artist. "Yeah, since it's the holiday and all."

"You have grown quite a bit. I can tell." She points out, to which I bashfully nod my head. Mincy hasn't changed that much since the last time I saw her. Her black hair has grown a bit longer, and she's still using the same brown glasses. But she is more outspoken now, though her shyness is still there. She is hugging a few comic books at her chest. A reference for her drawings, perhaps?

"We're actually going to Fix-It to drink some tea. You want to join?" Kel asks.

"Ah, I know that shop. Your friend, Basil works there, correct? I've been there a couple of times. The flowers are so beautiful…but I have some work to do after this. Sorry."

"Oh, don't feel bad, Mincy. There's always next time."

"Hehe, you're right. There's always next time…" Mincy replies with a low tone, weirdly glancing at Kel. Am I the only one that notices that? Kel doesn't seem to.

We say our goodbyes before Mincy turns to Kel once more. "By the way, my piece is almost finished. Can't wait to show it to you!"

"Hell yeah! I'm sure it's going to be a masterpiece, just like your other ones. Good luck!" Kel pumps his fist into the air.

The girl walks out the door, and I inch closer to him. "What drawing?"

"Oh, Mincy was watching my latest basketball match, and she said she's going to draw me playing! Honestly, I don't think I played well that day, but hey, if she can find some inspiration from that, then good for her! Though, I wonder if she can actually draw my whole team…"

Yeah, pretty sure she only draws you, bud.  Doesn't he notice the way she looks at him?

A few minutes after, Aubrey finally arrives, and we all make our way to the store. It hasn't changed that much, and the jumbled mess of the tools are still there. Does the owner really not care about these things anymore?

"Oh crap, I forgot to bring my wallet!" Aubrey suddenly speaks from behind. "You guys do have money, right?"

"Nope." Kel gives a short reply.

"Huh!? We're going into a shop, Kel. Why are you being so carefree about this?"

"Relax, Aubrey. Basil's our friend. Surely, we will get some leeway, right? And besides, Sunny's even here! I'm sure he will make an exception for this one."

"…well, I hope you're right." Aubrey sighs. I sure hope the same thing, too. If you go out without bringing your wallet and your phone, you're basically naked.

Fix-It's back section of the shop is like chalk and cheese; both are vastly different from each other. If the front section is full of metal and rusty clutter, here, flowers are planted everywhere as the eye can see. Gardening supplies neatly arranged on its rack, big stacks of gardening soils are stacked on each other, as mother nature wraps its arms around us, welcoming us with the colourful petals of daffodils and winter jasmine. It's like the garden of heaven those books and TVs portrayed as. One might even say, we're knocking on heaven's door.

Ever since I was a kid, flowers were never considered as one of my passions, as I took more interest in the savvy tech the digital world had to offer. But it's all thanks to him that my eyes were opened to the wonders of these floras. Of how each of them carries a different meaning, whether it be melancholic or dramatic. Of how one can convey their feelings through these, and not by words alone. Truly fascinating. I can't help but be in awe of the dedication he has in understanding the language of flowers.

"Basil, we're here!" Kel calls for him, and not long after, a blonde boy in his plain green clothes, with a dark blue apron covering it, comes out from the tall racks.

"Hi, Kel! Hi, Aubrey! Glad you could make…it."

…

Einstein was right. Time is relative to the observer. When you are reading a photo album, walking down a memory lane, time slows down. Memories of good, simpler life flash by.

"Hehe, you guys look so cute in this picture!"

"That's how I want to be like…someone who always sees the bright side of things."

"Maybe one day…things can go back to the way they were before."

…or looking up at the tip of garden shears.

"Everything is going to be okay…everything is going to be okay…"

"Stop struggling, Sunny…"

"Why…why won't you stop!?"

"I'm trying to save you!"

The past is like the shards of a broken mirror. You try to pick it up, and you end up cutting yourself. But sometimes there is no other choice but to grit your teeth and endure it. Only then, you can put back the pieces, fixing that gaping hole in your heart. Some people choose to confront it, some blind themselves with a blindfold, succumbing to blissful ignorance, while others are still wandering, struggling to live in both the past and the present.

As for me, I already made my choice.

"H-Hi, Basil." I look at him in the eye, ignoring the increasing itch at my eyepatch.

"H-Hello, Sunny…it's been a while," Basil replies with a smile, though his voice wavers a bit. Both of us approach each other, slowly pulling each other into a hug. It feels warm. Comfort. Nostalgic.

"You didn't tell me you were going to come. I would've prepared something."

"Thanks, but you don't have to. I don't want to trouble you more than enough."

As we depart from our hug, Basil changes his demeanor, akin to a young, energetic florist. "I suppose you're here to have some tea? Please, have a seat first. I'm currently dealing with other customers so I'm quite busy, but it's okay! I'll ask Charlene to hand you guys the menu." He motions us to our seats before hurriedly returning to his job.

Charlene? Isn't she one of Aubrey's friends? She's not that talkative, but I do know that she loves flowers too. Makes sense for her to have a part-time job here.

Aubrey and Kel are chatting something amongst themselves, yet my mind couldn't catch what they're saying, still lingering on the events that just transpired. So far so good, I say to myself. Though there are still faint, silent whispers at the back of my mind, putting me at unease. Are Basil and I actively trying to ignore the looming clouds over us, not wanting to say the things we wanted to say? I can't say for sure.

I need to speak to him, in a place with no peering eyes. For now, I just have to wait for the opportunity to arise.

"Hey, Sunny. How are you feeling?" Aubrey suddenly asks.

I give her a thumbs up. "Okay, so far. Though, it feels kind of itchy, here." I point at my eyepatch. I always have a suspicion this would be the case should I ever meet Basil, which is why I make sure to bring an eye droplet just in case.

She lands her hand on my shoulders, softly looking at me. "Okay. Just, if anything happens, do tell us. We're here for you."

 "Thanks, Aubrey."

"Psst, guys. Look over there." Kel's voice interrupts our moment, as he points his finger to a certain crowd not far from us. Three girls, presumably high school students, are surrounding a blonde boy, their voices are cawing like crows.

"Oh my god Basil, you're so knowledgeable in this!"

"I could listen to you talk for hours!"

"That flower pin on your head is so cute!"

"O-Oh, um, t-thanks…glad you like it," Basil replies with an awkward smile while pulling a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe the sweat from his forehead. How could he withstand such high-pitched squeals from those girls without bleeding your own ears? Even from here, my eardrums begin to feel really itchy.

The flower boy, wanting to steer the conversation away, leads them to a small section, where multiple flower crowns, some are varied from colour to colour, are perfectly arranged together, taking a shape of a heart. "W-would you like to try wearing these flower crowns? These are totally handmade, all thanks to our wonderful staff working here. Did you know, back in the day, flower crowns were a symbol of love, fertility, and celebration? It was extremely popular, especially in Ancient Greece and Rome.

His detailed explanation is met with oohs and ahhs from the girls with much enthusiasm. Whether it's directed to the story or Basil himself, only those three know.

"Er, so you guys want to try wearing one?"

Basil's 'fangirls' look at each other, before one of them speaks up. "Can we see you wear one first?"

"Eh, why me?"

"Er, we just think that you would look good wearing one." Girl 2 continues, followed by Girl 3. "Yeah, it must fit you so well!"

"Please, please, please?" They beg in unison, bringing their faces way too close to the boy's face. He is left squirming, unsure of what to do.

Poor Basil. He finds himself in a rather peculiar situation. Three predators are cornering him, cutting all ways of escape, making sure the blonde prey has no choice but to surrender to their innate desires. As Basil's friend, it's my responsibility to save him from this mess he got himself into.

"…"

However, as Basil's friend, it's also my responsibility to see things through, to witness the conclusion to today's romantic comedy episode. How would our main character react? What would become of his fate? Will he, against all odds, stand triumph and claim victory? Or will he succumb to the fate this cruel world has laid out for him? The audience can't wait.

Yeah, that's totally it. And it's not because I'm jealous of him or anything. Nope. Nonsense.

"…"

If only Aubrey pulls something like that to me. That one time doesn't count, though. It got a bit too…violent. I can still vividly hear the sounds of baseball bats clashing with each other, as countless toasts of bread laid before me.

But I do enjoy them fighting over me.

Basil finally puts on the flower crown, and lo and behold, the girls are jumping up and down, squealing madly. Like a fanatic seeing their favourite singer winking at them during a concert. Only this time, they get to see their idol up close.

"UWAA YOU'RE SO PRETTY!!"

I WUV IT SHO MUCH!!!"

"I think I'm going to faint."

"Basil, please take a picture with me."

"Me, first!"

"No, me first!"

"Well, someone's clearly enjoying himself…" I instinctively close my mouth, fearing that my internal thoughts somehow slip from the depths of my mind. But nope, it's just Kel, taking notice of the little show happening.

"Ooh, is that jealousy, I hear?" Aubrey snickers, giving a smug grin while lifting her eyebrows.

"Nah, not really. In fact, I'm kind of happy. Seeing Basil interacts with other people, not as nervous as he used to be. It's good, you know?" Kel explains with a smile as he gazes towards the blonde friend; his eyes show relief. "Though, who would've thought Basil is such a popular kid?"

"Tsk tsk tsk, catch up with the times, Kel." The girl leans back onto her chair, waving her index finger in front of him. "Nowadays, not every girl is into buff, muscular guys, you know. Some of us prefer gentle, pretty boys. And, considering Basil pretty much checks all of those, it's no wonder there are girls all head over heels for him. Heck, I won't be surprised if he already has a girlfriend."

That last line Aubrey said almost made me choke on my own precious jasmine tea. Good thing they don't notice that. Basil getting a girlfriend, before Kel? Even me? Why am I being so competitive about this?

"Well, if that's true, then good luck to him," Kel says, letting out a loud groan. "He has to go on dates now, buys her tons of gifts, listens to her talk about her favourite band for three hours, at least. I have heard some stories from my fellow basketball teammates, and let me tell you, their love lives are so complicated. One of them recently broke up too, to which he said they simply fell out of love. Weird, huh? It makes me appreciate the single life I have now."

"…"

Aubrey laughs a bit. "You say all that, then the next thing we know, you're the first out of all of us who get married."

"Look, Aubrey. We get there when we get there. But for now, all I need is a bottle of Orange Joe in my left hand, a basketball in the other, then I'm all set. Of course, I can never forget my teammates. They're great friends!"

"Oh, is that so? Then, what are we then? Are we not your great friends?" The girl asks, jokingly.

Upon hearing that, Kel's cheeks suddenly turn red, his eyeballs drift towards the table, avoiding meeting our gazes. He rubs his right cheek, before stutters. "Y-you guys are different. You're like…a family."

 "…"

"…"

I almost choke on my tea again.

"O-Oh, I see…I don't expect you to say s-something like that." Aubrey's face begins to flush. I bring the teacup close to my face to hide the sudden hotness I feel.

"It's true, after all…I always imagined all of us graduating together, going to the same college. Then, we would live in the same neighbourhood with our own families. I know that is impossible, but I just…want all of us to stay close, you know?"

I have to admit that it is a nice dream. If anything, it is similar to the fantasy that I lived in. All of us are with each other, spending the rest of our lives in love and happiness. Reality doesn't go that way, which is why dreams shall only remain as dreams.

But man, hearing someone says that out loud is really weird. 

The three of us remain wordless, unsure of how to handle this awkward feeling. Even Aubrey is fidgeting around her seat, scratching the scalp of her hair, trying to bring back the friendly atmosphere we had just moments ago. "Damn it, Kel. Why do you have to make things awkward, now?"

"D-Don't you guys think the same?"

"Of course, we do! It's just…"

"…"

After what feels like an eternity, Basil finally emerges, pulling us out from this hole we dug ourselves into. "Sorry, guys. The last customers just now were quite a handle—eh, is everything okay? Why are you guys acting all weird?"

The day continues its reign, the snowflakes dropping from the sky slowly coating Faraway with white snow. Even though this section of Fix-It is not packed with people, few of them can be spotted inspecting the gardening supplies or asking other workers about the flowers they sell. Charlene is busy arranging the pots, while Basil is nowhere to be seen. He's at the storeroom, perhaps. I excuse myself, feeling the need to use a bathroom. Maybe I can find him after that.

The toilet is rather cramped, with the smell coming out of it is tolerable at best. I was half-expecting it to be 'nature-themed', with its walls made up of bamboos, pots of flowers are decorated everywhere. But I guess that's too much for a small flower shop like this. Stepping out of the bathroom, some rummaging noises are heard not far from where I am. Basil's probably there, I think to myself.

And sure enough, there he is, tending to a bonsai tree. His expression seems calm, in contrast to his nerve-wracking one back then with the girls. I land a light knock on the wall, not wanting to surprise him. "Hey, Basil. What are you—"

My eye drifts to his right hand. Garden shears. A tool used for gardening. And yet, that thing…

That cursed thing…

"…!"

Nostalgia is supposed to bring good memories to people, but in my case, it brings me nothing but pain and suffering. A year has passed by, yet the pain I felt as it pierced through me is still vividly etched in my mind. The rhythm of blood throbs in my head, as if someone put a bullet straight into it, and I can't spit it out. 

"Oh, Sunny. What are you—" His eyebrows furrow in confusion, before his eyes land on the shears. His face drops in horror. "S-Sorry! I didn't even realise you're here, so I…" He hides the tool away from sight, now approaching me with worry. "A-Are you okay?"

I give him a slight nod before turning from him, the itch I feel becomes progressively worse. Searching for my eyedrop, I have to use all my willpower to hold down the urge to gouge my right eye right there and then. "Sorry, but I need some space…"

"Oh, okay then," Basil replies. I can sense a hint of remorse in his voice. Amidst the cold winter, my entire body itches, as if a swarm of ants is nibbling at my skin. My legs beg to walk away. My heart pounds; its heartbeat threatens to break my ribcage from the inside. Yet, despite it all, I grit my teeth, planting my feet firmly onto the ground.

…

Using the eyedrop seems to do the trick. The irritating itch fades away as my breathing slows down, now with a steadier rhythm. After taking a few deep breathes, I turn back, facing my old friend. "Sorry about that…"

"N-No, it's fine. It's not even your fault, to begin with…"

"…"

"…"

The air feels suffocating, both of us found ourselves facing a dead end. My mind was so focused on seeing him I didn't come up with things to talk about. Such recklessness.

I glance towards Basil, finally getting a good look at him. Certainly, he's gotten a lot healthier. I even go as far as to say he has grown some muscle, probably thanks to his gardening work. Though, there is still a sense of nervousness from his blue pupils. Guess he's still the same shy boy deep down. My chest feels warm, seeing him living for himself, no longer chained by the sins of his friend.

"How have you been?" I start first, all while thinking of where to steer the conversation.

"Okay, I guess." Basil rubs his head. "How about you?"

"Pretty much the same."

"…"

"…"

Well, this is getting nowhere. Even Basil is getting uneasy, fidgeting around, trying to ward off this awkward feeling. How sad. Two people who once spent lots of time talking about mundane things for hours, now struggling to even hold a small talk.

I decide to cut to the chase. "I'm sorry Basil. For not contacting you, or any of you, this past year. Even though we made a promise and all…"

Basil's eyes meet mine, before falls back to the ground. "Oh, that. D-Don't worry about it, Sunny. I understand. It must've been hard for you to come back here."

"But still, I could've done something. I could've found some time to come back."

"That's…not what I meant."

I slightly raise my eyebrows in confusion. "You must have so many thoughts controlling you, right? Fear that nothing good will ever come if you visit…or at least, that's what I think."

A small gasp escapes from my lips. "H-How can you tell?"

"It's just a guess. I also went through the same."

I remain silent, allowing him to continue. "Even though Aubrey and Kel said they forgave me, deep down, I find it hard to believe them. It's not like they treated me badly for anything. But even after all this time, I still can't get rid of these bad thoughts in me. Our relationship would never return to what it once were. I knew that was the case. After all, I learnt it the hard way."

"A few weeks after you left, we didn't stay in contact. Aubrey said she needed time to think things through. Kel didn't say anything, but I figured he was pretty much the same. At that time, I thought they abandoned me. I felt so…alone. But it was not their fault! I never once blamed them for that. I would do the same if I was in their shoes."

"Basil…" I slowly approach him, but Basil put his hand out front, stopping me. "It's okay, Sunny. I don't need your pity. As much as it hurt, it was exactly what I deserved. After what we did. After what I did."

"I was lucky to have Polly at that time. She had every right to quit her job, after learning the truth. She had every right to be disgusted at me or want to cut ties. But she didn't. Polly held me tight, crying while saying how everything was her fault. I didn't understand why she said that. I never did."

He lets out a small chuckle, gently touching the leaves of the bonsai tree he tended minutes ago. "After that, she dragged me to meet a doctor, much as I refused to. We had very long talk sessions, I took their medicines. And somehow, I started to climb back. I thought all hope was lost, that there was no point in doing these. But when I think about Polly, and the amount of effort she put into, I felt like…I had to do something. As time goes by, I started to feel a whole lot better, though there were times when I felt hopeless again. Polly encouraged me to work here, and the rest is history."

"And the others? What about them?"

"I was already under the assumption that I would be alone from then on. But later then, Kel suddenly greeted me at school, and we hung out like usual. Aubrey then followed suit. She even brought her whole gang and apologised to me at the park. Heh, it was surreal."

I remain silent, looking at him with solemn. To think that Basil too went through tough times after my departure. The first few months in the city were one of the most painful experiences I had to go through. The constant battles I had with myself, the voices I heard at night. It was a living hell.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. Things were rough for me too in the city. It was…scary."

Basil nods, silently understanding the pain we both endured. "I had a feeling that was the case."

"Hey, do you still see…it?" I ask.

"See what?"

"You know, that thing…Mari…"

The mention of her name shudders both of us. It's been years since then, yet we are still carrying that weight, and probably will continue to do so. Until we both die.

When we finally pass from this world, what would Mari think? Will she accept us as brother and friend? Or we will be condemned as murderers? 

"I've been seeing it less and less…"

"I see…"

The air becomes stagnant for a moment before Basil breaks it. "You know, this past year, after you left, I had time to do a lot of thinking. Of myself. Of what I wanted to do. Of who I wanted to be. And I think I finally found it. I…I decided to live for myself. To do the things I always wanted. And it's all thanks to you, Sunny."

"M-Me?"

"Back then, when you told everyone the truth, I was mad. You went on and did everything on your own without even asking me first. I felt betrayed, to be honest. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised it was the only way for us to move on. To let go of all of this. Thank you once more, Sunny. And I'm sorry it took me this long to properly tell you this." He gives me a smile, this time an earnest one, not the fake smile he used to show back then.

The things I did on that day, it was true that I was being selfish, just like I had always been. All I ever wanted was to end all the lies, the grief that we both caused. Had I kept my mouth shut and played along, will I still be here? Would the nightmares cease to exist, or would the chains on my neck tighten even more?

It's best not to think about it.

…

"Sunny. Can you do a favour for me?"

"What is it?"

"It is something I wanted to know for a while now. I already asked Kel and Aubrey about this, but I'm not quite satisfied with their answers. I didn't dare to ask them more than that. But now that you're here, I believe you can give me what I'm searching for."

It seems this is a serious matter. Basil sounds determined, his blue pupils give me a serious look. "Alright then. Go ahead."

"But before that, promise me one thing. That you will answer me honestly."

"Sure." I shortly reply.

Basil takes a deep breath, blinking his eyes a few times. His body tenses for a bit, before meeting my eye once more. "What do you think about me?"

"…what?"

"You heard me. What do you think about me?"

I find myself tongue-tied, dumbfounded at his bizarre question. What sort of response am I supposed to give here? I mean, I think of him as a friend, obviously. Should I just give him that answer? Well, he did say to be honest…

"I-I think you are a good friend, Basil." I reply, feeling the awkward feeling crawling on my back.

Basil stays silent. He brings his head slightly down, hiding a portion of his face, making me unable to see his eyes. Did my answer make him mad, somehow? What is even going on?

"Hm, I see." The boy sighs. "That is the exact reply that those two gave me."

"Well, you want an honest answer, so I gave you one." 

"Sorry, perhaps I worded it quite wrong. I'll get to the point." He suddenly steps forward, closing the distance between us. "Do you hate me, Sunny?"

My legs have a mind of their own. I feel myself backing away. "Huh? Hate you? What are you talking about? Why would I even…"

"Sunny, please..."

"Basil, wait! I don't understand. Why are you—"

"JUST ANSWER ME, DAMNIT!" He shouts back, his voice is as sharp as a razor. That bloodshot glare he's giving me is something I never imagined someone as gentle as Basil to do. Though his voice is seething with pent-up anger, his wavering grip on my shoulders tells me otherwise. It's strong, yet weak; a desperate person. "Please, Sunny. I need to know."

"I…"

…

Do I hate Basil? 

Obviously, my answer would be no. Basil is one of my closest friends. A tight bond that we have both built ever since childhood. He loved to talk about flowers, his passion for his hobbies is really admirable. And I would sit there, right next to him, listening to his ramble as he loses himself in his own world, his eyes shine brighter than ever. I never once felt he was a nuisance. Just like the others, I appreciate his company, and I would never trade it with anything else.

However, deep down in my heart, amongst the deepest, darkest depths in my mind, a place where none shall ever lay their eyes upon, laid the seed of hatred.

All of my hate. My pain. My suffering. The memories of that day. The sins we committed. The lies we conjured. It would be a lie if I say I didn't resent him.

In the darkest pit of my heart, multiple scenarios played in my mind. For years, I lashed out my anger at him. Even if my memories of that fateful day were hazy at that time, glimpses of him were enough to send me feelings of unease.

I…I wanted him to be forgotten.

Humiliated.

Decapitated.

Eaten alive.

Stabbed.

Killed.

Tortured.

Bled to death.

This heinous, disgusting person wished him to be dead. And that person is none other than me.

"…I do. Sometimes."

"…"

"…"

Silence lingers in the air, shrouding us with overwhelming guilt. Some things are better left unsaid, but now that I have laid everything bare, he now sees who I really am. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. What is he feeling right now? Hurt? Betrayed? I don't know, nor do I want to.

"…I see." Basil finally speaks. "I don't blame you. It makes sense that you feel that way."

"Then, what about you? I suppose you feel the same, right?" I ask, feeling unfair that Basil's the one at the receiving end. For all the hate I had towards him, that didn't change the fact that his actions were because of me. I was the reason for him to act that way.

On that day, had I not done it, none of us would be having this conversation right now. Basil would have a healthier life, and my right eye wouldn't end up like this.

The boy ponders before finally giving me the answer. "I do, too." A hard pill to swallow, but I do see it coming. How could you not resent the one who left you for four years?

He musters a weak smile. "Thank you for being honest with me, Sunny. I really appreciate it…you should go back. Your tea might get cold at this rate…"

"Basil, wait! I…"

Is this really the conclusion to our story? Is this really how I wanted things to go?

Things can never return to the way they once were. For the longest time, I chose to turn away from that fact, blinding myself with fake dreams and fairy tales. But the more I ran, the more tired I became, and eventually, I have no choice but to succumb to the reality we live in. Basil and I, we hurt each other. The scars we left are too deep to recover. It's still a miracle that we are still allowed to walk around, living our lives like any other person. Did we face the consequences? Are we judged fairly? I can't say for sure.

Any other person would say it is best for us to cut ties. To start anew. To turn over a new leaf. Mom had the right idea, and it worked out well. I began to go outside, attended school, made new friends and memories.

But to forget my old ones, to push them further back in my mind, as if they're a painful memory? I can't accept such an outcome.

Aubrey. Basil. Kel. These are my friends, and I refuse to throw it all for the sake of moving on. It might seem stupid. It might be immature, even. But I just can't.

I don't want to lose them. Not again.

"W-We're still friends, right?" I ask him. My one final attempt to protect the bridge between us. Basil's eyes widen, his expression shows shock. He glances down, his lips quivering, before he brings his face up, forcing a small smile. "Y-Yeah, of course. We're still friends."

A weight has been lifted from my chest, and I can finally breathe properly again. Overwhelmed by relief, I pull him into a hug, thanking him for accepting me.

Not long after, I hear a few soft, muffled sobs from my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Sunny…for what I did…for hurting you…I'm sorry…I'm so, so sorry…"

I softly pat him on the back, letting him pour all of his feelings out. As if the feeling is contagious, I begin to choke on a small sob as well, feeling a single wet tear leaking from my eyelid.

Things may never return to what it once were. There would still be feelings of unease lingering around us. But even so, we can start anew. We can still create new memories together. It's something that I want to believe in, even though it may seem like a fantasy.

A few minutes have passed, and Basil and I have calmed down a little. The air no longer feels dry, the warm feeling of hospitality slowly finds its way back. The blonde boy returns to his bonsai tree, and I decide to roam around the storeroom, with his permission, of course. Aside from the huge stacks of gardening soils, the walls are decorated with pots of flowers, each with its very own shapes and colours.

"You sure do have lots of flowers here…" I point out, letting my fingers slowly brush the leaves.

"Yeah. Though there's more before this winter. It depends on the season, really." Basil explains.

"Oh? It depends on the season?"

"Of course. Not every flower is suitable for winter. It's cold, after all. Aside from the pine leaves, some of the ones you see here are imported from other countries."

"Wouldn't those flowers be affected by the weather here?"

"Nope. We adjusted the temperature in here specifically for them to grow. So, there's no need to worry."

"I see…" I nod in agreement. "…that sounds like a hassle, though."

Basil lets out a chuckle. "Well, if you want to work as a florist, you gotta get used to it." 

Tending to every single one of these must be exhausting. Granted, there are a few workers here as well, but with the number of flowers here, fatigue is surely not a stranger to them. Plants are quite tedious to take care of. You have to make sure they receive enough sunlight and water, their fertilizer fits their plants, not to mention the threat of bugs and parasites.

And you have to do that every single day. Don't these people get tired of it? Is the payment that high? I was already at my wit's end with my current part-time job, yet the workers here always wear a smile, dealing with the customers.

Though I shouldn't compare a small florist shop to a fast-food restaurant, but I digress.

"Hey, Basil. How do you manage all of this?"

He gives out a slight hum in response.

"There are so many flowers here, and you have to take care of every single one of them."

"Well, that's where the other workers come from," Basil interjects.

"I know that. But still, there are a lot of these. Not to mention, the ones at your home too. I'm just wondering how do you keep at it? Don't you ever get bored?"

"Hmm, bored, huh?" The boy puts on his thinking face, rubbing his chin while staring up at the ceiling as if my question is displayed up there on a projector screen. "Well, I can't say I never felt bored, but I didn't mind it as much. It's my hobby, after all."

My heart sinks a bit hearing that. Hobby, huh? There's nothing wrong with his answer, but something about it just rubs me the wrong way. People always say to do things that you enjoy most, but there comes a time when it starts to become a chore, and slowly, you fall out of love with it, especially when you have to do it every day. The fiery passion you had when you first started dissipates away, now replaced with a buggy annoyance.

…

Music. Few beautiful tunes are composed together to create a melody, entrancing those who hear it. It dances around our ears, pulling us into a world full of imagination, beyond our wildest dreams. It pulls our heartstrings with no mercy, as we helplessly got wrapped under the violin strings and the piano keys.

When Mari first played the piano, my child-self was enthralled. How could this big machine produce such a beautiful tune, which could even sway a crying baby into a blissful sleep? I was drawn to it, like a moth to a flame. With each key she pressed, I saw the music notes floating in the air, inviting me into a dance. Every day, I would enter the music room, sit on one of the chairs just to hear her play. What once was my intent just to spend more time for her, right there and then, it blossomed into something else.

I thought it was the most beautiful thing in my life, better than any video game I have ever played, even though Mari thought otherwise. When she let me try her piano for the first time, the cold feeling I felt when my fingers touched the keys, the ecstasy that ran through me when a tune came out as I gently pressed it, the scenery I imagined as Mari guided my hands to play a song: the wide blue skies, the green hills, far as the naked eye can see. It was as if I was given a taste of what heaven looked like. These emotions, these feelings. And it was all thanks to the piano.

It was then I declared to myself, that I liked music. If I could invoke these emotions on others, perhaps they could see the scenery that I imagined.

On that day, when I got the violin from my friends, I swore to myself that I would play it the best as I could. To see my friends cheer as I strike a tune, to witness my parents smile as I perform in front of a stage, to have Mari be proud of me as her brother. That is the scenery that I wanted.

…

But I never did reach it.

Just because I liked something, doesn't mean I'm any good at it. If only I realised that sooner.

Every single day. The same faces. The same instructions. Do it properly, they said. Keep practising, they said. The same tunes. The same mistakes. Over, and over again…

The scenery that I saw on that day: the wide blue skies, the roaring cheers from my friends…was nothing but an illusion. It was neither heaven nor hell.

Only a dangling corpse on a grey evening.

That was the last time I ever put my heart and soul into something and look how that turned out. The thrill of doing things that you're passionate about only lasts a while before it slowly feels like a burden. This is why I find Basil's answer quite unsatisfying. I need more than just 'it's a hobby'.

…

From the back of my mind, Kel's words suddenly ring. He mentioned how tiring it is to be in a relationship, and how much he prefers the single life. I couldn't help but wonder about myself. Of how I too get tired of music.

Would I…really get tired of Aubrey?

The simple thought of her is enough to cause butterflies in my stomach. But that's probably because we rarely see each other. If we are to get in a relationship, that means we're going to see each other a lot more. That thought is exciting, but with it comes a heavy responsibility. It is something I have to commit, just like back then with music.

Can I really handle such a thing?

What if I'm not strong enough?

What if…I hurt her?

What if…it ended just like Mari?

"…"

"Sunny, are you okay? You look pretty tense, there…"

Basil's voice pulls me back from whatever hellhole I was just now. It takes a while for me to realise that I'm still in Fix-It, talking to my old friend. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine…"

"You sure? Do you find my answer not that satisfying?"

Should I be honest here? Might as well take a bullet.

"Well, it's like…there has to be more than just a hobby, right? I mean, don't you have those days where you feel like, you don't want to do this anymore? Don't you ever feel tired of your job?"

Is that good enough? I hope I don't sound too offensive or anything. An outsider asks you if you ever hate your job. That's pretty rude, I have to admit.

Basil crosses his hands, furrowing his eyebrows, before he lets out a laugh, much to my surprise. "Well, when you put it that way, I do get tired. These flowers are living beings, after all. So, you have to give them extra care. Watering them every day, making sure no parasites are ruining it. It can be a hassle. I admit, there are days when I just didn't care anymore. I wished I could throw all of these away and simply quit."

"But deep down in my heart, I still love gardening, and it's because I love it that I can tough it out when things get rough. Sometimes, we just have to grit our teeth and keep on going, even when we feel everything's going against us."

Basil pauses, looking at the hanging flower pots as if he's reminiscing. "When I see our customers smile, the satisfaction on their faces when they found the perfect flower for them, the stars in their eyes as they tried the flower crowns, I'm always grateful that I decided to do this. If I could bring happiness to their lives, even for just a bit, then that's enough for me." 

"…"

I am at a loss for words. The things he said are not something I expect coming from him. I am in awe, admiring the stars shining in his eyes. It is true after all, that our demeanor changes the moment we talk about things we're passionate about.

Basil has really grown up as a person, hasn't he? Even Kel and Aubrey have gone through changes too. All of them are growing up.

I really need to catch up with them.

But something about what he said bugs me. Of how his love for flowers is what motivated him to keep on going.

Love, huh…

The image of Aubrey comes into my mind—

No, stop it! Why does she keep appearing whenever love is mentioned? I'm getting sick of it, but every time I see her, the palpitations won't stop.

…

What do I think of Aubrey?

She's a great friend, of course. And it's no surprise that I…do like her more than just a friend.

But do I really want to be in a relationship with her?

I mean, of course, I do! I want to go on dates with her as many as I could. I want to hold her hand and tell her how much I like her. But this is so much more than just dates and kisses. There will be ups and downs in a relationship, and that is where the real test begins.

When things get rough, will I stay by Aubrey's side? Can I remain strong for her?

If somehow, my feelings for her waver, what would happen?

…

I'm scared, I really am. These doubts are bubbling inside, making me reconsider my feelings.

Do I really like her? Or do I just like the idea of dating her?

"Anyway, enough about me. I want to know about the city!" Basil exclaims, clasping both his hands together. Well, I have been the one asking him questions, it's only fair that he knows about my life, though there's not much to talk about.

And besides, I need a distraction from those venomous thoughts.

"I'm glad you're doing well in the city, Sunny! Maybe I could come for a visit someday. If I'm free, of course. Things are quite busy nowadays."

"No problem, Basil. I can show you around."

"So, I've been meaning to ask…" He slyly looks at me, giving me a smug grin. Why do I have a sense of déjà vu? "…are you dating anyone, lately?

"W-Why are you asking me this!?"

"Oh c'mon, Sunny. This is the city we're talking about here. There has to be someone out there that suits your fancy. C'mon, spill the beans~"

Ugh, so annoying. Why is he being so pushy all of a sudden? Kind of reminds me of Rowan. Do boys who wear a flower pin tend to be nosy or something? "No, I don't." I give a firm reply.

"Aww, that's a shame. How about crushes?"

"…"

"Aha, you're blushing!"

"I'm not…" I can already feel the blood rushing on my face. Screw you, teenage hormones.

Basil gives out a loud sigh, seemingly content with my reaction. "Man, this takes me back. Remember when you used to have a crush on Aubrey back then? You always asked me to look at her photo every time we took a picture."

Aubrey…

…

"Hm? Why are you hiding your face like that?"

I'm not answering that. I think he's going to get it, anyway.

"Don't tell me…"

Yep, he gets it. Even my ears begin to feel hot, for some reason.

"Sunny…it's been years, and you still have not moved on!?"

"I-It's not my fault that she's so p-pretty…and beautiful…and cute…" Did I really just stutter saying that? So uncool.

Basil gives me a blank stare, so blank I can feel the disappointment seeping from his eyes. "You're hopeless."

Ugh, buzz off, flower boy. You have a literal harem that you can brag about. I don't want to hear the word 'hopeless' come from your mouth ever again.

"…"

"…"

"…so, you already told her?"

"No, not yet."

"Are you even planning to tell her?"

"…maybe."

"Maybe!?" Basil's voice suddenly skyrockets, startling both of us. It seems my answer pisses him off, somehow. "Sunny, you need to be serious when it comes to things like this. It involves another person's feelings!"

"I am being serious!" I fire back, defending myself. "I just…need more time."

"Time for what?"

"I'm not ready."

"Then, when will you?"

"...I don't know."

The two of us become silent. Basil then sighs, scratching his head. "Well, it's not like I don't understand where you're coming from. But we're going to graduate soon, you know. After that, all of us are going to be busy with our own lives."

I forcibly shut my eye, grimacing. What Basil said is right. Time's running short, and I need to act fast. Aubrey's not going to be around forever. She has her own life, her own dreams to chase. And she's certainly not waiting for anyone else.

But still, I just can't tell her yet. There are so many things I don't know, so many things I miss. I can't even take care of myself. Hell, I'm not even sure of my own feelings! At this rate, how am I supposed to build a relationship with her?

I'm still imperfect. I still have these glaring flaws in me that need to be fixed. Once all of that is taken care of, confessing to her will be the first thing that I do.

I just need more time. That's all I ask.

I return back to our table, feeling relieved that things are settled with me and Basil. I can finally enjoy the aroma of jasmine tea and the smell of flowers without any worries. I did ask him for his number after all of that, and thankfully he understood my story.

From a distance, I hear two familiar people arguing about something involving comics if I have to guess. A familiar scene, I utter to myself.

"Sunny, what took you so long? C'mon, you need to help your bro, here." Kel perks his head up the moment he notices me, immediately pulling me back to a chair beside his. "Tell this stubborn girl of how amazing of a story-telling 'The Tragedy of Lieutenant Drake the Wise' is."

"For the last time, Kel. I don't give a crap! That plotline ruins Space-Boy and his entire legacy." Aubrey explains, her eyes couldn't get any wider, looking absolutely done dealing with Kel.

"How many times do I have to tell you that it doesn't!? Space-Boy going evil is unexpected, yes. But that's why it's good! Finding out that Lieutenant Drake has the power to revive people, and Space-Boy being desperate to save his dying father, Pinkbeard. It makes sense that he would do anything to achieve that power, even if it means betraying his comrades. You agree with me right, Sunny?"

"Space-Boy is supposed to be a hero of justice! A man that abides by his code, no matter what happens. Someone that will always do the right thing, even giving up his dreams. He is the symbol of hope. To have him turn evil is nothing more than shock value, and it's a betrayal to all long-time fans. No wonder that issue starts a ton of controversy. You're with me right, Sunny?"

Both of them turn towards me, impatiently waiting for a response. If looks could kill, I would be a dead man.

"Will you two keep it down? We're in a public place, after all." A voice comes in, saving me from this mess. Thank you, Basil. I don't want to imagine the catastrophe that would occur had I chosen one over the other.

Both of them are about to go at it again before Aubrey's phone suddenly rings. She picks it up for a moment, her eyes widening, letting a slight gasp. "Oh, Kim's having a party at her house today, since her parents are out on a trip. You guys want to join in?"

"Are you sure it's not a 'girls only' kind of a party?" Basil asks.

"Nah, she's inviting the other gang, too. So, how about it? Can you make time, Basil? I know these two would." She gestures to both of us. Kel replies with a smile, while I flash a thumbs up. My last interaction with Aubrey's gang ended with a pepper spray to the face. It would be interesting to see how they are doing right now.

Basil lightly taps his fingers on the table, before giving his reply. "I think I can join. Let me ask the boss, first."

"Then, it's settled," Kel says, getting up from his chair to do some light stretches. "I think it's time we should go now. We don't want to disturb your working hours, after all."

"Oh, it's no big deal. Thanks for stopping by. We all really appreciate it."

"No problem, Basil. A word of advice, don't play with a girl's heart, okay? They can be quite fragile~" Aubrey winks at the flower boy, giving him a smug grin.

"W-What are you talking about!?" The three of us laugh, entertaining the sudden blush on his face.

This is nice. All four of us, together again. The group may be incomplete, but if it's the price I have to pay, then so be it.

"We'll be going now. Thanks for the tea, Basil!"

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Um, guys? Are you forgetting something?"

"Hm? What do you mean?" Kel walks to the table, looking all over it. "Pretty sure I took everything with me."

"Oh, Kel. You're such a jokester." Basil lets out an awkward laugh. "But I'm being serious, now."

"I…don't get what you're talking about."

"The…payment?"

"…oh."

That word sends a chill down my spine, freezing me into place. My body tenses up, unable to move or utter a single word. I look at my right. Aubrey's face loses colour, staring at Kel with empty eyes.

Basil, now catching up with our reactions, slowly loses the smile on his face. A single vein pops out from his forehead. "You guys really come here without bringing any money?"

 "I-It's not like that, Basil. We, er, thought that since w-we're friends, s-so…er…" Kel explains, fumbling his words in the process.

Another vein pops out. "So, let me get this straight. You guys thought you could come in here, drink our tea, have some fresh scones, and walk out scot-free, just because we're friends?"

"Well, now that you put it that way…" Damnit Kel, be quiet! You're just adding fuel to fire at this point.

"I see…" Basil's eyebrows twitch, his voice becomes raspy. "That's…not good. Really not good…"

"Basil, wait!" Kel interjects. "I-I could just grab my wallet from my home. It won't be that long, I promise."

Basil looks at the frantic boy, taking a few deep breaths. "Yes…that would be good."

"I'll come back here as fast as I could. Don't go anywhere!"

"Of course, Kel. I'll be waiting." And with that, Kel sprints towards the exit, rushing back home.

Well, that is something. I didn't think Basil could sound so…serious. The passive-aggressive tone in his voice really gives me the shivers. It's so cold, even winter doesn't stand a chance. I let out a big sigh, before—

"I am so disappointed in both of you!" Basil suddenly approaches us, his hands crossed, looking all scary. His presence is enough to make both Aubrey and I stand up straight, like two students before a raging principal. A short principal, to be exact. But I'm not telling him that.

"You see, I expect things like this with Kel. But you, Aubrey? Sunny? Unbelievable!"

"Yes, sir. Sorry, sir." Both of us whimper in unison.

"You guys are very lucky I work here. What would happen if this happen in, say, a restaurant for example? How are you guys going to solve that? They could sue you, and that's another can of worms you have to open. I would love to let you all drink here free of charge, believe me. But unfortunately, that's not how the world works. In today's age, where money is really important, we have to—"

As Basil continues his lecture about the current economy, Aubrey nudges at me, whispering. "Seems Basil is doing well, huh?"

"Yeah, he is," I whisper back.

"Are you happy?"

"…I am."

"Are you two even listening!? If you two are going to flirt, do it somewhere else!"

I hear the sound of mirrors cracking.

"W-W-WHAT!? WE'RE NOT F-FLIRTING OR ANYTHING!? RIGHT, SUNNY?" Aubrey panics, her face flushes with embarrassment.

"Y-Yeah…" What the hell is Basil thinking, saying things like that? I'm here trying to rebuild the bridges between us, not burn it down! That word would create a whole ton of misunderstandings. I shoot Basil a glare and from the corner of my eye…

I notice a small smug on his face. That shit-eating grin he gave me years ago on that rainy day, is here now, all in its full glory.

Oh, screw you, flower boy! That cheeky bastard…

Chapter Text

The sun starts to set, slowly darkening the limitless skies above, painting the whole town in hues of orange. Beneath the evening sunset, Kim's house stood there in all of its glory. From the doorway, pairs of shoes and slippers are messily scattered. Chatter noises and waves of laughter can be heard even from the outside; a lively group, that's for sure. They are the infamous Hooligans of Faraway, after all.

"Aubs, you finally here! What took you so long?" A blue-hooded girl approaches her as soon as we open the door. The house is as messy as expected, with plastic bags and playing cards laying around. A scenery of hell for clean freaks out there.

"Pfft, I'm not that late. It's your party, anyway. No need to rush." Aubrey snickers back. After the two of them greet each other, Kim finally lays her eyes on the crowd behind the pink-haired girl. "…oh, you brought the nerds, too."

"Thanks for inviting us!" Kel replies with his usual loud voice while Basil timidly waves his hand. The bespectacled girl rolls her eyes back, before suddenly jerking her head in my direction. "Oh shit, didn't expect you to be here!?"

I nod my head in response. "I'm just here to visit since it's the holiday and all."

"Well, the more the merrier. Come on in. Make yourselves at home."

We tread our way into her house, making sure not to step on anything slippery. I get that it's a party and all, but couldn't they at least keep it a bit tidy? Even a bare minimum would be fine. Kel doesn't seem to mind it at all. He sure takes the phrase 'make yourselves at home' literally. Aubrey's gang members are seen doing their stuff. Mikhael and Angel are busy playing a game console, while Charlene is sitting at the corner reading a book. The fact that she can focus her reading in a place like this is a feat on its own.

"Hey, guys! We got some company." Kim announces, pulling the others to look at us. Mikhael greets us first with his usual chuuni shtick. "Ah, if it isn't our arch enemies! You are now under the mercy of The Maverick. Be very honoured, heathens."

Classic Mikhael. I do admire his confidence for acting so grandiose, even though it earns a few groans from the others.

Angel perks his head, pointing his finger at me. "Oh hey, it's the knife boy! You still walk around slashing people and—eep!"

"Angel…" A growl comes behind me, as Aubrey gives the boy a glare that could even make the fiercest lion cower in fear. 

"I-I'm sorry, Boss! I mean, uh, good to see you, uh…what's your name, again?"

"Sunny," Aubrey answers, her voice is ice cold.

"Right, er, good to see you again, Sunny…"

I wave my hand in response. Guess even the 'angel' cowers when facing the 'devil'. Who would've guessed?

Vance comes shortly after, seemingly happy to see so many guests in his house. Kel is the most excited one to see Kim's brother, as he approaches him with a wide grin. "Hey, Vance. Want to do a rematch?

The boy gives him a knowing smirk. "You sure about that, Kel? I told you, you can't lift me."

"I have grown a lot stronger since then. I'm pretty confident in myself." The tanned boy punches his right fist into his left palm, looking like he's getting ready to enter a brawl.

"Heh, suit yourself. Don't say I didn't warn you—"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You both are brutes, we get it." Kim gets in between the two, before turning to face his brother. "Now, could you go and buy some food for us, please?"

"Why don't we just order?" asks Aubrey.

"That's what I said, but Vance here wants to take a walk, so hey, why not?"

"What do you want me to buy?" The boy raises a question.

"I don't know, something edible, I guess? Othermart, Gino's, even that burger shop. Just make it quick, since you want to walk so much."

That last bit catches me by surprise. Since when has there been a burger shop in Faraway? As the siblings bicker among themselves, I whisper my question to Basil, to which he replies: "Yeah, a few months after you left, they opened a burger joint here. Not the best, but not the worst either. You should go there sometime."

Vance, looking fed up with his sister's nagging, raises his hands in defeat. "Alright, alright. I'm going. Yo, Kel. Do you want to join in?

The boy immediately nods his head. "Sure! More muscle equals more stuff." And with that, both of them head outside to be volunteers to today's event. Aubrey, however, is not amused. "Let's hope they can make it quick. Knowing Kel, he's probably going to make a few detours before actually buying some food." 

The party goes on, as chatter noises and sounds of munching potato chips fill the air of this house. It's still a foreign concept to me. For years, the quiet, still air—similar to the ones in libraries—has always been my comfort zone. And while I don't hate the cheery atmosphere of malls and parties, I would rather be in a place where I could have peace of mind. Although, it's a nice change of pace. To be around people and not the cold, dull walls. To live in the moment, as they say. It can get tiring, but I do want to try new things. Life is short, after all.

Aubrey and Kim are upstairs the last time I saw them, while Basil and I are watching Mikhael and Angel play this one video game; a horror genre, to be precise. The premise is quite interesting: two young girls found themselves in a ghost town, using a special camera to defeat the haunted spirits, all while uncovering the secrets of the lost village. Sounds like this is right up in Basil's alley. Though, I'm not sure if playing a horror game during a party is the right mood.

"Master, this is not scary at all! And why are we even playing this game in the first place?" Looks like even Angel has the right idea.

"H-Hush, my young padawan. A good horror game would send you chills nevertheless if the mood's right or not. Not like I, The Maverick, am getting scared or anything."

He says all that, yet the shaking in his fingers says otherwise. Angel gives a sly look, snickering. "Master, don't tell me you play the game right now is because there are people here, so you won't get afraid?"

Mikhael jerks his head, almost knocking down his trademark wig. "P-Preposterous! Such slander, my dear apprentice! It would be wise for you to remain silent before accusing me of such things—WAAAA!!"

The one thing with horror games is that they always get you when you least expect it. A long black-haired woman crawls from the corner and immediately lunges to the screen, scaring our butts off. The maximum volume of the TV doesn't help in the slightest. Mikhael throws the controller out of fear, curling himself into a ball, whimpering. Even I almost jump out of my seat. I turn to face Basil…

…only to find him picking the controller with haste?

With the other two laying on the floor, Basil takes the helm, focusing on getting a good camera shot to exorcise the ghost. It is a tough battle, with him taking a few hits, but eventually, the enemy is defeated. Basil lets out a satisfied sigh shortly after. "Phew. That's a close one."

"You're not scared, are you?" I ask from the couch.

"Oh, I still am. But I have always wanted to try this game out. I mean, they're using cameras. Isn't that cool!?" The blondie speaks with excitement. As I said, this game is made for camera enthusiasts like him.

...

Loud footsteps come rumbling from upstairs, as Aubrey and Kim pull our attention; both of them with a plastic bag at hand. Kim starts with her announcement. "Alright, listen up nerds! We're going to do something fun today while waiting for Vance and Kel. Try to guess."

"You bring some board games?"

"Wrong answer, Angel. Next!"

"…you're not going to cook some food, right?"

"No, Mikhael. We're ordering some outside. And why the hell do you look so scared? You want to say something?"

"No, I'm not. And it's The—"

Basil suddenly intervenes. "Er, maybe we're going to brew some tea?"

"Hehe, seriously Basil? Do tea and flowers are the only things in your mind?"

Well, since everyone has already given their shot, I guess it's my turn now. "Um, could it be—"

"Ah, you boys are hopeless. Show them, Aubs!"

Why do I even bother?

Aubrey reaches her hand into the plastic bag, pulling out a small bag of balloons, and an air pump along with it. "I don't know when the hell Kim bought these, but whatever. We'll be doing some balloon twisting today!"

The news is met with cheers and roars from the gang, much like a group of football fans seeing their favourite team score a last-minute winner. Mikhael and Angel are pumping their fists in the air, even Charlene puts her book down, her face smiles in anticipation.

"Woo, let's go!"

"Hell yeah! I'm going to make tons of swords!"

I scoot closer to Basil, asking him about this 'balloon twist' thing. "I'm surprised you don't know about it. It's exactly like it said: you take a balloon and twist it into whatever shape you like. Animals, weapons, you name it."

The girls come closer to sit with us, putting the plastic bags on the floor. "Well boys, go crazy with these!"

"I call dibs!"

"Should we hold a competition for this?"

"If there's a prize, sure. If not, nope."

I watch as they pump air into the balloons, stretching it multiple times before twisting it with delicacy. How on earth can a balloon, something that is so fragile, a small needle is enough to pop it, can be handled in such a manner? Is this some sort of laws of physics the school hasn't taught us yet?

I was so mesmerized by these people's handicrafts I almost forgot the one bag in front of me. Is that bag...for me? I take a quick glance at the others; all are busying themselves with their own balloons. 

Oh no. This is bad.

"Sunny, are you okay? You haven't even started yet." Basil asks, noticing my abnormal behaviour.

Shit, what now? I feel a bead of sweat slowly rolling on my forehead, my heart beats like I'm in a marathon, and for some reason, my gaze is glued to the floor, unable to look at them in the eye. It's all over now.

"Do you…don't know how to twist balloons?

"Er, I, uh…"

I feel myself squirming inside. This has gone from bad to worse. All of them are staring at me, and I become the centre of attention; the one thing I hate the most. My whole world begins to shrink, as I feel every single inch of my movement is being watched.

"…no, I don't."

There, I said it. What will they do now? Will I be ridiculed? Would they laugh at me for not knowing something as simple as this?

"HAHAHA, OH MY GOD HE CAN'T READ HAHAHA!"

"He's a boy, isn't he? How pathetic."

It's happening again, isn't it? The jeers, the laughs, the boos. I can feel them holding their laughs under their breaths. This is a mistake. I shouldn't have come here. If only I remain at Kel's room, pretending to be sick, or other excuses like—

"Oh, you should have told us earlier! We could've taught you how to do it."

"…!"

My eye widens hearing that. The weight of embarrassment is pushing me down, yet somehow, I can lift my head to meet their faces. And there are only smiles drawn on it, not the judging, vile sneers that I was used to. Here I was, expecting to be the butt of everyone's joke, yet that didn't occur.

"Y-You guys are not…mad?"

"Huh? Why would we be mad? This is just for fun, bro. We're not competing or anything." Kim replies.

"Well, it may be a fun pastime for you lot, but I, The Maverick, am taking this seriously—"

Mikhael's usual shenanigans are interrupted by cold glares, all around him. He then retraces his steps, saying: "A-Although, if you are willing to learn more, then I am more than ready to share with you some of my wisdom. Rejoice, my former enemy-now-friend! Under my guidance, you shall be one of the greatest balloon twisters!"

"What he said, yeah." Basil puts his hand on my shoulder, smiling at me with content. "Don't feel bad about it, Sunny. We're all here to teach you."

"I…I…"

Oh, if only they know how much those words mean to me. I always see myself as someone with bad luck. Dark clouds looming all over, following me wherever I go. Yet, I never realise just how lucky I am to be around people like this. These people, who I call my friends.

I have been blessed with good company, yet it took me this long to realise this.

"T-Thank you…sob…so much…sob…"

"Whoa, you're crying!?"

There I go again, letting my feelings go loose. I miss the times when I could hold a poker face, giving everyone a deadpan look. I think it fits me better, honestly. "S-Sorry about that…but I'm okay, now," I mumble under my hitched breath.

I lightly slap my cheeks, gaining back my composure. And from the corner of my eye, I notice Aubrey is softly looking at me, nodding her head with a smile. Gosh, seeing her looking at me like that is kind of embarrassing, but no matter. I look at the balloon pack with a newfound sense of determination. Another challenge I have to hurdle, but this time, I got my friends with me.

Let's do this! I'm going to be a pro at this in no time!

…or so I thought.

POP!

"W-Well, it's okay Sunny. You can always try again. These things take time, after all.

POP!

"Try to be more gentle, next time."

POP!

"…it will work this time, I think."

POP!

"Behold, the holy sword: Excalibur! You shall now address me as your king!"

POP!

"C'mon, Aubs. Do something other than bunnies for once."

POP!

"Hey, Basil. Take a picture of me with my balloon!"

"Yeah, me too!"

POP!

"…"

How many has it been? Ten? Fifteen? I've already lost count at five, and before I know it, the floor is already filled with ripped balloons. I already knew this would not be an easy task, but to think it would come to this…

Every single attempt ended with a pop, to the point where I've become numb to it. It's like rewatching a horror movie; you watch it so many times the scares are no longer as effective as it was.

I don't understand. What did I do wrong? I made sure to follow all the steps they told me—the twisting, the locking of the balloon bubbles, yet all of it ended with a loud pop. So much so the others began to wince every time I failed.

"Yeah, I think maybe you're just not cut out for it. Sorry, dude." Kim sighs, looking at me with pity. I pay her no mind; my hands still holding the balloon, trying to do a lock twist—

POP!

Charlene suddenly gets up from the floor, bringing the book along with her. "Sorry, I need to use the bathroom." She utters in her low voice, walking away from the living room.

I'm not stupid. I know exactly why she did that.

POP!

Basil and Kim are sitting on the sofa, watching Mikhael and Angel continuing that horror game, while Aubrey is nowhere to be seen. All of their balloons are neatly arranged on a table, each with various shapes and colours. Some decided to only make one, while others like Kim and Basil made more just because.

It's been more than thirty minutes, and I'm still stuck here, struggling to even make one.

POP!

The air feels thicker now; gone are the warm feeling we had minutes ago. I can't see their faces well, but there's no need to. Their body reactions every time I attempted for another try are enough for me.

Am I being stupidly stubborn here? Maybe I should just give up. That's probably what everyone had in mind. I have been nothing but an annoyance for them, and on top of that, I am a guest! Mom's words ring in my head, of how I need to be more respectable when visiting one's house. But if I stop now, this past thirty minutes would have been a waste.

“…”

Letting out a groan, I groggily get up, taking a balloon pack with me. "Sunny, where are you going?" Basil asks. I motion my head towards the kitchen, telling him that I'm going to continue there.

"Oh, b-but you can just do it here?"

"It's fine, Basil. I'm probably disturbing you guys with me popping the balloons."

"Oh, okay then…"

I make my way towards the kitchen, along with a heavy feeling sinking in my heart. The noises coming from the living room become further and further as if I have walked into another new place entirely. 

A heavy sigh escapes from my lips, as I land myself on a wooden chair. They were right, after all. This activity is just for fun, no need to take it seriously. If you can't twist a balloon, then that's all there is to it. No need to mull over something as petty as this. Maybe, I am still an immature child, after all.

But they don't know what it feels like. To be an odd one out of the bunch. To see others doing things normal people can do, while I sit there, sulking like an idiot. I want to twist balloons as good as them. I want to have fun just like them. Is that too much to ask? Why do I have to be so inadequate in many things?

I can't stop now. No matter how long it takes, I will be good at this.

I immediately grab the balloon pack, getting straight into it. This is the last pack I have left, and I have to make this one count. I already wasted three, surely this one would be it, right?

…

"…I just have to tie this one here, and then…"

"Oh, Sunny!"

A sudden voice startles me, pulling me out of my focus. Luckily, the balloon doesn't pop this time, though the twisting comes undone. I look up, and it's Aubrey, coming out from the bathroom. "Oh, sorry. Did I surprise you?"

I shake my head. Sure, my process is now undone, but I can just do it all over again. I have been doing that for the last half an hour, another more wouldn't hurt.

"Why are you here in the kitchen? Shouldn't you be with Basil and the others?" Aubrey asks, now taking a seat right beside me.

"It's a bit loud, plus I want to focus on these," I reply, bringing the balloon close to her.

"Still can't make it, huh? It's hard to get used to it, at first. I was struggling with it myself."

I nod my head, before noticing a small spanner on the table. "You were fixing something?"

"Yeah, I notice the sink has a pipe leakage, again. Honestly, Kim's mom is better off buying a new one at this rate." The girl replies, placing the tool back to its original place. Lucky her for being able to fix things like that herself. Whenever that happens at my house, Mom usually calls the plumber to fix it, and that already costs money. I never tried to do it myself, afraid that I somehow will make things worse.

Sounds of rubber fill the kitchen air, as I try to remember the next required step to make a dog balloon. Surprisingly enough, Aubrey is still beside me, watching me work. It's great that we are having some alone time, but I prefer it not to be when I'm focusing on something else. Besides, her presence here is making me a bit self-conscious. "You're not joining the others?"

"Nah, I think I'll stay here."

"You sure? Just to let you know, I'm not good at this. I don't want to annoy you or anything."

Aubrey chuckles a bit hearing that. "Well, duh. I can even hear the popping sounds even from the kitchen…but I don't mind it. Besides, I don't want you to feel lonely now."

"…suit yourself." I feel my face slowly heating up. She is such a sweet girl.

…

…

…

It's not working.

Time has passed, and not a single attempt I did today was successful. I inflate the balloon, I twist it, the twisting comes undone, I repeat it, the balloon pops. Every. Single. Time. Even Aubrey winces a bit with each time it pops. The fact that she is here, watching me fumbling away, makes this entire situation even worse.

"Come on, please…"

POP!

"AHH, SCREW THIS!"

In a fit of rage, I throw away the air pump, letting it fall on the floor. I feel like I could break into tears at any moment, but I don't want to make a scene. Today is supposed to be a fun day for everyone, yet I am here ruining it with my stupid dumb luck.

This is the worst. Why am I like this? Why am I so pathetic in everything?

 "Sunny, are you alright?" Aubrey voices her concern, and I almost forgot that she is in the kitchen with me. She goes and picks up the air pump, putting it back on the table. Fantastic. She just saw me throwing a temper tantrum like a damn kid. Seriously, couldn't this day get any worse?

I hang my head down, not wanting to show my face to her. "Sorry…"

"It's okay…"

"…"

"…"

"…I'm pathetic, aren't I?"

Aubrey remains silent.

"Honestly…why can't I do something as simple as this? It's just twisting balloons, yet I can't do it."

I can feel my eyelid begins to water. My conscience is screaming at me, begging me to shut up. But the words are flowing out of my mouth like a broken dam. I can no longer stop myself. If she's going to see me at my worst, then so be it. Let she sees who I really am.

"It's always like this. Things that any ordinary person would be capable of, I can't do them at all. And even if I try, no matter how hard I work at it, I would always fail. I understand that I did not leave the house for so long, so things like these will happen to me. But still…"

Memories of me playing the violin flashes in my mind. Of how I tried so hard just to get it perfect. Of how I endured the pain as bristles formed on my fingers. Of how my ears flared up when Mari scolded me. Yet, all of that effort, all of that pain amounted to what, exactly?

Ever since I was a kid, I have always been a failure. I have no special talent in me like the other brilliant ones. I'm not as smart as Hero. I'm not as athletic as Kel. I'm not as strong as Aubrey. I'm not as kind as Basil. And, I'm not as perfect as Mari.

I am nothing. Just a plain boy who ruins everything for everyone.

"If I'm going to fail like this, then what's the point…?"

I bring my chin closer to my chest, trying to conceal the flowing tears, yet the uncontrollable sobs are too much for me to hide. Nothing matters anymore, at this point. If Aubrey is going to be disgusted at me, so be it. If Kim is going to kick me out of her house for ruining the party, so be it. If the others are going to call me a pathetic crybaby, so be it.

For the first time in a long while, I have never felt as vulnerable as I am today.

...

Not long after, I feel something warm land on my head. It's so delicate, so slender, that I couldn't help but look up at it, only to find Aubrey, looking at me with her soft eyes. "I don't think it's pathetic at all."

"What do you…mean?"

"That just shows you're a hard worker, Sunny. No matter how many times you stumble, no matter how many times you fall, you always get back up and give it your all. Even now, you still refuse to give up, right?" Aubrey pauses, gently moving her fingers around my black hair. "I think that's really admirable."

"But I…fail so many times. That's just bad."

"Oh, Sunny…" She lightly giggles, and I can't help but feel offended, even though it's cute. "You're still learning how to do these balloon models. Of course, you're not going to get it right from the get-go. Everyone fails from time to time, so you're not the only one."

"Even though I'm pretty slow at learning?"

"Well, then that just means you're a slow learner, and there's nothing wrong with that. That's just who you are! But don't let that fact stop you from keep trying your best. It might take a long time, and it can get frustrating, but when you finally reach your goal…"

"…isn't that the best kind of feeling in the world?"

"…"

They say that words are like a double-edged sword. It can be a mighty weapon, striking its opponent at its most vulnerable, hurting them from the inside. It is also the greatest medicine, curing broken hearts, placing them back together, making them whole once more. There is nothing extraordinary with what she said. She wasn't speaking eloquently or masking it with layers of metaphor like the ones commonly found in old poems. Yet, the sincerity in her eyes, the softness of her smile, the honesty of her words, full of care and comfort of a dear friend, is simply breathtaking in every single way.

She is beautiful. Those are the only thoughts that linger in the chambers of my mind.

"So, don't feel bad if you fail many times, okay? As long as you get back up, I'm sure you can do it." Aubrey ruffles with my hair a bit more, and just like that, the gloomy clouds begin to clear away, as a new warm sensation wells up in my chest.

Wiping the tears from my cheeks, Aubrey retracts her hand from my head, and I already miss the warm touch of her fingers. But no matter. Right now, there is something else that I have to do. I insert the air pump nozzle into the balloon, ready to inflate it and start the whole process once more.

This sudden rush in me, this burning desire to keep repeating till I succeed. What is the cause for all of this, I wonder?

Such a silly question, for the answer, is right here beside me. I can still feel her eyes on me as if she's patting me on the back, giving me the slight push that I need.

I want to try new things, and even though I may stumble on the way, I'll keep getting up, and give it my all. Because I know you'll always be there, by my side.

With you here, I feel like I can do anything.

…

So far, I have been doing a decent job. It's pretty shaky at first, but I already got the head, and the front legs were done. All that's left is the two back legs. My hands are shaking at this point; the sweat making it a bit slippery, weakening my grip on the balloon. I'm almost there, I can feel it.

"…so, I'm going to twist it like this, and then…"

POP!

"Ugh, damnit…"

"Ah, you're so close." Aubrey comments, her face draws as much frustration as mine does, as if she's the one doing it. "But I think you're getting the hang of it."

"Yeah, the legs part is the hardest one." I reach for the balloon pack, and of course, only one left remains. How dramatic. It's like entering a final boss level, and you are hanging by a thread, hoping that by some sheer dumb luck, you can cheese your way out of this.

"Last one, hmm? Better make this one count."

"Yeah, I should…"

After giving the balloon a few stretches, I inflate it using the balloon pump, leaving an inch of uninflated end. Then, I proceed to make a few basic twists, making sure not to let go of the first twist before moving to the next one. How many times have I been repeating this same process in this past hour? At this point, my dreams are going to be nothing but balloons for the next few days, at least.

"…okay, the head part is done. Now, the legs…"

Time seems to move at a snail's pace, as I bring my weary, tired hands to do one final twist, locking the knots into place. Everything starts to merge into one hazy blur; my entire focus is on the balloon before me. One more step and I am done with this stupid thing. Please, don't pop now…

Please…

"…"

"…"

"…"

"It's…done."

Some people may look at this and claim that it's no big deal. Others may say that I'm overreacting over something so small as balloon twisting. And they are right, to a certain extent.

But this means so much more than just a simple pastime activity. My balloon, there it proudly stood right before me. My very own handicraft. All of my effort, the countless failures. All of it resulted in this cutely-shaped dog.

I did it. I finally did what others can do.

I'm actually…useful.

"Sunny, you did it! Just look at it!" Aubrey beams at me, her excitement feels like it surpasses mine, even though she's only spectating.

“Aubrey, I did it!” I squeal, feeling my inner child resurfaces once more, showing my balloon to her like an excited child presenting his grades to his mother. “I really did it!!”

“Hehe, you sure did! Aww, look at that dog. Isn’t it just cute?”

"Mm…it is." My lips are stretching as far as they could, grinning from ear to ear. This happiness that wells in me, I can't help it. It's been a while since I've been this joyful.

"It feels good, doesn't it? To see your efforts finally paid off?"

I nod my head in agreement. "It's all because of you guys."

"Us? What do you mean?"

"The other guys for teaching me how to do this, even though they don't have to. And you, for giving me the push I need…"

The overwhelming emotions in my heart guide my actions, as I turn to face her, wanting to show her my gratitude. Her words act as a pillar to my wavering spirit, supporting me till the very end.

'Thank you, Aubrey." 

"O-Oh, no problem, mm…" Aubrey suddenly stutters. Quite a surprise, coming from her of all people. Her face is as red as a tomato, and I swear I could see her eyes glitter for a split second, "A-Anyway, if you're done, I need to take something from Kim's room, so…"

Not giving me a chance to say anything more, she immediately gets up from her chair, hitting her knee in the process. I can't help but cringe a bit hearing the banging sound from the table. That has to hurt. Aubrey lightly curses, before exiting the kitchen, leaving me all to my thoughts.

I do have to say, she looks so cute when she's all flustered. That image is going to float in my mind for a while now, though I do wonder what got her so worked up all of a sudden?

I give a light tap on Basil's shoulders, who is still watching the horror game Mikhael and Angel are playing. He looks so immersed in it; I don't have it in me to call his name out loud.

"Huh? Oh, Sunny. It's you—" He looks back, before noticing the balloon model on my hand. "Wow, you did it! Congrats. And it's so cute, too."

My cheeks flare up a bit hearing his compliment. "Really? But you guys already made so many, and it took me so long to just make one."

"Don't worry too much about it. You're still a beginner, and I'm sure you can make so much more if you keep practicing after this." Basil then gets up from the sofa, pulling his polaroid camera. "Would you like a picture?"

"You're not charging me for this, right?" I jokingly ask, earning a little laughter from the both of us. Basil motions me to get into place, as he brings the camera up, preparing to take a shot. "Ready? One, two…"

A picture of me with my very own balloon model. I wonder how I would look in it? The way I look in these photos never seems to match the way I perceive myself when looking at the mirror. I must look like a total dork now, like a kindergartener holding his lunchbox or something. Well, at least Mom would like it. Speaking of her, I think I'll keep my meeting with Basil quiet from her. Who knows what will Mom do when she—

"FOOD DELIVERY HAS ARRIVED! LET'S FEAST!!"

The sudden banging of the door followed by Kel's usual obnoxiously loud voice almost squeezes my soul out of my body. Good thing my balloon is safe though; the things I'll do to that idiot if it pops again. Basil walks closer, handing me the picture.

"Ugh, I look so bad." The photo is me, looking all scared; my good eyeball almost popping out from my eye socket with a blurry figure of Kel in the background.

"Hehe, I think it's funny." Basil gives out his opinion. A trash one, but I do see the charm of it. "Would you want another retake?"

"No, it's fine." I shake my head, taking the photo from his hand before slipping it into my pocket. Not long after, the blondie nudges at me, giving me a smug grin. "By the way, I may or may not have something that you may or may not like." He brings another photo, and my face drops in horror. It is me and Aubrey in the kitchen; I was busy twisting my balloon, with Aubrey watching beside me.

"You…!"

Basil inches a bit back, waving the photo in front of me, in a teasing way. "Ah, if you get mad, I'm not giving this to you~"

This flower bastard! A part of me wants to strangle at him; it's supposed to be a moment of just me and Aubrey! Knowing that someone else was peeping into it kind of reduced its magic. Though, it's not like we were in a secluded place, to begin with.

On the other, it's a photo of me and Aubrey. No one else was present, just me and her. That moment, now immortalized. If I recall, there was never a picture of just us two in the photo album.

"So, what would it be?"

"…"

 "…fine. Give it."

"Hehe, you never changed, do you?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

With Kel and Vance coming back from their food trip, the party can finally commence. The house is loud and lively as it is messy. Food boxes are littered around, with tons of sodas (grape flavor, objectively, is the superior drink) scattered everywhere. The party goes on, with all of us playing a football tournament game on the console; Kel and Mikhael have a pretty intense match, so much so it goes on into penalties. In the end, Kel somehow comes out victorious with a narrow win, as poor 'Maverick' succumbs to the ground.

After that, we change to a fighting game, which is my playground. The results? I don't think I have to answer that. It seems my gaming skills have not gone rusty, as I tower above these newbies with their baby-like skills, though Aubrey does give me a slight challenge. She's a total newbie at first, but she picks things up really fast. I have to get a bit serious for a moment. Doesn't help that her face when she's serious is so freaking distracting.

And finally, what kind of party would it be if there's no karaoke event to end it all? All of our voices are questionable at best, but it doesn't matter if everyone's having fun. Vance sings an old ballad love song; he sets up the mood right with a single rose in his mouth. Some of the boys even fake swoon for him. Mikhael chooses a popular anime song, and I'm pretty sure he butchered the lyrics completely. The highlight of the event is Basil, who attempts to sing a famous rock song, out of everything. He's not that great, but his voice cracks every time he tries to reach that high pitch, causing all of us to burst into laughter. Even the neighbours have to come in, giving us an annoying lecture of how disrespectful teenagers are these days.

Looking at it back, I can't believe that I'm actually experiencing all of this. Eating unhealthy foods with the group, listening to Aubrey's gang rambling about the latest school gossip, me reaching the brink of tears as Kel and I sing some goofy song about friendship.

Me living in the moment. With actual living people, and not fragments of my memory.

It feels too good to be true. Sometimes, I'm a bit wary of pinching my cheeks, fearing that all of this is a dream, and I will wake up on my bed, with dull walls acting as prison bars, trapping me from the outside world. A cliché way to answer this dilemma is to hope that this is indeed reality, and if it's a dream, then let it last a bit longer.

But I'm done dreaming.

If somehow, I am given a second chance, and I find myself waking up in the hospital room, on that fateful day once more…

I wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again. And I would work as hard as I could so that this 'dream' will become 'reality'. That is my vow.

...

"Hello? Earth to Sunny?"

I feel a slight nudge on my chest, pulling me from my pool of thoughts. Aubrey is looking at me and-oh god, why is she sitting so close to me? And why is everyone squeezing themselves in this sofa? Oh, I can feel our shoulders touching…

"You okay, there?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry…"

"Heh, you still like to daydream, huh? Anyway, we're going to take a picture now." She points her hand towards Kim, who is setting up her camera.

"Finally wake up, city nerd? Now look over here, okay? Just let me set up the timer, first…Charlene, could you scoot a bit closer?"

"Why not take the picture outside? All of us at the sofa is a bit cramped…"

"We don't need to, Vance. It would fit, I promise."

"Are you sure your camera's good, Kim? Why not use Basil's?"

"My camera has no timer, so one of us is not going to be in the picture if we're using that."

"Fret not, my dear companions! With I, The Maverick here, the photo would come out sublime, surely!"

"Pfft, yeah sure…"

"Did you say something, my dear rival? Or perhaps you prefer I address you with your real name, Kelsey?"

"You call me that and it's all over, Mikhael Baker~"

"DON'T YOU DARE UTTER THAT GODFORSAKEN NAME—"

"Alright, shut up! The timer's already on!"

"Hurry up, Kim!"

"Aubs, make some room for me! Okay, now smile for the camera, guys!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

CLICK!

Time goes on, as we busy ourselves with our lives. All of us will be going in our separate ways, trying to survive another day. But we can still look back at this photo, laughing at our innocence, reminiscing about simpler times. And maybe someday, we shall meet again under the starry skies. 

Bonus:

Kim is sitting on the couch, loudly munching on the taffy she saved for weeks while watching her friends scare themselves playing that horror game. They have been asking her to not munch so loudly, but who cares? This is her house, in the first place. Everything she says, goes. How dare they try to boss her around. She reaches for her candy, only to realise there are around three to four of them left. "Damn," She curses under her usual grumbles. "I need to restock these soon…"

As she unwraps the candy, she feels a tug at her sleeves, interrupting her eating session. She turns her head in annoyance, and it's her pink-haired friend, who much to her surprise, is looking quite flustered. "Kim, come with me for a moment," Aubrey asks, her voice sounding a bit shaky.

"O…kay? But why, though?"

"Just come with me, okay!?"

Much as she refuses, Kim reluctantly agrees to her requests. She wonders why Aubrey is acting all strange, seeing the usual hot-headed girl now is looking like a lost child tugging at her mom after getting lost in a mall. Whatever it is, it has to be serious.

They reach upstairs, and when they make sure no one's looking, Kim decides to address the elephant in the room. "What's the problem, Aubs? No one's giving you any trouble, yeah?"

"No, it's not that. It's, er, how do I say this…?" The girl looks around as if finding some sort of clue to answer the question. "It's…about Sunny."

Kim raises her eyebrows. What does that city boy have to do with this? Could it be…

"What's up with him? He didn't try to hurt you, right?" Memories of that day come flashing into her mind. Aubrey insists that he's changed, but still, she couldn't let her guard down around someone like that. And wasn't she alone with him in the kitchen minutes ago? This is bad…

"No, of course, he didn't! It's just…"

"Tch, damn it Aubs. Just spit it out, already!" She is getting tired of her wishy-washy attitude, before Aubrey suddenly holds-no, grips her shoulders. Her grip is so strong it hurts, her fingers are sinking into the fabrics of her jacket, and oh god, why is she panting? "Woah, girl. What's wrong with—"

"…cute."

"Huh?"

"Sunny…hah...cute…"

"Er, you might wanna repeat that?"

Out of nowhere, Aubrey pulls her into a bear-hug, swaying her body left and right as she is handling Kim like a huge teddy bear. "ohmigod Kim, Sunny is soooo cute!! Like, so so cute, I don't know why?? Just now, he was doing his balloon thing, and the way he looks when he's serious is so, hnggh, I can't take it! I just want to pinch his soft cheeks but I can't, even though I want to so, so, much! And then, and then, and then, he smiles to me, girl. SUNNY. FREAKING. SMILES. Do you know how rarely he does that? And oh god, his smile is soooo freaking adorable! I just want to pet his soft black hair and pamper him! And then, he said 'thank you' to me, even though I didn't do anything, but still, AAAAA!! I wanna hug him, I wanna hug him, I wanna hug him sho bad!!!!"

"…"

And just like that, all the tension is thrown out of the window instantly. Kim slowly regrets her decision for even agreeing to listen to this idiot. She could be finishing her taffy right now, but no, she just had to be a caring person, because that's what good friends do, right?

Though, there's something weird is going on now. She looks around for a moment…

And yeah, something's definitely wrong. Why does she feel like she grows a few inches taller? And why her foot is not touching the floor? She lifts her head…

"What the fuck?"

Kim is never the one to believe in miracles. But when she looks up to figure out her situation, she might as well be a believer. Aubrey's teal bow, somehow, is spinning around like a helicopter, using its speed and velocity to lift two grown teenagers.

"It's unfair! It's so unfair of how cute, adorable, and huggable he is! It's so freaking unfair!"

"HOLY SHIT, GIRL! CALM DOWN, WE'RE GOING TO FLY AT THIS RATE!"

Chapter Text

"Wakey, wakey, Sunny! Rise and shine!"

Kel's words ring louder than any alarm clock, and have it not been for my empathy, I would've smashed his head like those whack-a-mole arcades, fully knowing that my punch probably won't even scathe him. Instead, I opt for the more passive route; pulling the covers closer, feeling the warmth from the thick quilt hugging my entire figure, as I become one with the bed.

I am a cocoon. Cocoon is me. I am a cocoon. Cocoon is me.

"Come on, dude. It's already eight-thirty. Are you going to waste your day just lying on the bed?" His voice keeps buzzing in my ear like an annoying fly. What is he, my mom? I already had to deal with her nagging in the city and to think that Kel, of all people, is the one that does her job today. Even in Faraway, I can't escape her wrath.

"…five more minutes." I reply in a half-dozed state. Kel lets out a dry sigh in return. "Look bro, I would agree with you with staying in bed and all. I mean, it is a bit chilly today. But aren't you going back to the city this evening? You can't just waste your time in the room doing nothing."

Well, I have been doing exactly that for four years, another day wouldn't hurt anybody. But I won't tell him that. The cold weather just saps all my energy to be snarky with him. "We can just play games here."

"That would be nice, but I have to go somewhere today."

His reply piques my interest. "Where are you going?"

"An outing with my friends from school." He explains, though his voice doesn't show much enthusiasm. "They have been planning this for some time, but it always got delayed. I would feel bad if I bail on them this time. Sorry about this, since you're my guest and all…"

Aw, how sweet of him. I'm a bit touched hearing that. But even so, I don't want to be the reason he loses some quality time with his current friends. "It's okay, Kel. You should go with them."

"Heh, thanks, bro. I promise I'll be back to send you off, so don't worry."

So, I have all of today for myself, then. Kel is right, after all. Spending the last day here cooping in the room would leave a sour taste in my mouth. But that begs another question; what should I do today?  Visiting Basil sounds nice, but my presence would probably distract him from work. And the thought of doing nothing but drink tea for hours is too 'grandpa-like'. At that rate, I'll be seeing myself playing bingo with the aunties and uncles here. Hobbeez? Well, that would be no different than me playing games at Kel's.

"…"

My brain cogs up, as it tries to recall the words Basil said yesterday at the party. "Hey, Kel. Do you know about that one burger shop around here?" I ask him.

"Oh, that burger shop. I've been there a couple of times. The burger there is just amazing. That taste of cheese melting in your mouth, along with that juicy patty…" A trail of saliva drools from Kel's mouth. He needs to stop, or I'll be having high expectations for it. "Anyway, you want to go there?"

I answer him with a light hum. "Is it far from here?"

"Eh, so-so. If I do recall, from Othermart, you need to cross through a junction, then turn left, then right, then left again, then—"

"I'm not going to remember all that." I let out a scoff. "Could you write it, at least?"

"Hold on." He reaches for his drawer, taking a pencil and a piece of paper, as he starts to draw the map for me, only to suddenly stops a few minutes after.

"What's wrong?"

He scratches his head. "Damn, somehow I forgot."

Of course, he does. "Well, maybe next time."

"Wait, why not ask someone to go with you?"

"Well, who's free?" I retort back.

"Basil? I'm sure he can…oh right, he can't."

Then what other choice do I have left? Aubrey's friends? Well, that's an option, but I'm not that close with them, yet.

So, that leaves only one.

…

"Well, you better call her first then, for your own sake. A grumpy Aubrey is always bad news." Kel warns, now piling up an empty basket with his used clothes. I give out a small hum. Sure, I'm going to give her a call…right after I get some sleep. I close my eye shut, slowly feeling the drowsiness kicking in…

"Oh, Sunny. There's a spider near your bed..."

That line would've sent me into a frenzy, but at this point, I'm feeling way too drowsy to even care. It's a good thing that my fear of those arachnids has been overcome, or else my beauty sleep would've been ruined—

"Shit, it's in your covers!"

"HUH? WAIT, WHERE!?" I don't know where do I summon this amount of strength, but I feel my entire body spring out from the bed like a scared cat. I check my pajamas, fearing that creature is crawling on me, before I notice Kel covering his mouth, trying to stifle his laughter.

"Hahaha, you finally get up from bed! Man, you're just like Hero sometimes…er, why are you giving me that look? Hehe, you're getting kinda close…"

SMACK!

"…owie."

And so, after dealing with Kel's usual shenanigans, I finally drag myself from the covers of the bed and am now waiting for Aubrey in front of the park. Seeing the few rooftops covered with snow, along with the small, soft snowflakes falling out of the sky like angels manage to evoke nostalgia in my chest, longing for times when we used to build snowmen together, making snow angels with everyone, laughing without a care in the world.  The naivety and the innocence we once possessed, if only we realized how precious it was…

While waiting for her, a sight of a girl jogging towards my direction catches my eye. My instincts tell me it's Aubrey, but her hair colour tells me otherwise. Unless she suddenly decides to dye her hair blue, that can't possibly be her.

Blue hair, huh? That sounds oddly familiar.

"Oh, is that you, Sunny?" The girl greets me, waving her hand with excitement. "Don't you remember me? It's Cris!"

Ah, now everything clicks.

"H-Hello, Cris. It's been a while…" I return her greeting, finally remembering my once neighbour, who I rarely interacted with in the past.

"My, look at what the city has done to you. You're a bit taller now! Enjoying the new life, I suppose?"

"It's alright, I guess. Took a while to get used to, though." I reply, shaking my head in embarrassment.

"Nah, I totally get you! I was like that when studying abroad. Took around two to three months to get over the home-sickness." I nod my head in response. Just like Aubrey, her ocean-like blue hair stands out from the crowd, making it easy for people to spot her. She must be pretty popular in school, considering her outgoing personality and her athleticism; the kind of girl everyone wants to be friends with. Although, her clothes are quite bizarre, to say the least. "Why are you wearing running clothes?"

Cris blankly stares at me for a moment, before lightly tugging her jacket. "Oh, these? I'm just finishing my morning joggings. Not even winter can stop me from my daily runs!"

Such dedication to her fitness. Something I couldn't relate to. "Won't you get cold?"

"That wouldn't be a problem," Cris then unzips her red jacket, revealing a few layers of clothing beneath it. "See? This would keep my body warm enough, though it makes moving a bit slower."

"Hmm, I can see that."

The two of us continue with some small talks, mostly talking about school life and whatnot before the girl asks my reason for waiting at the park. "I'm going to that one burger shop around here with Aubrey." I reply, to which she beams at me with excitement. "Oh, you're going to that place? That is such a good hangout spot among the school kids. I've been there a few times myself. Only you two are going?"

"Mmhm. Everyone else is busy."

"Uh-huh."

Yet another one who gives out a good review about that joint. This might be worth all the trouble, after all. Unfortunately, our small talk has to come to an end. As Cris excuses herself, she suddenly turns to me, asking, "Oh, by the way. Are you staying at Kel's?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Did he say anything about an outing? And if he did, is he planning to come?"

"Oh, yes. He did say he has somewhere to go. With his friends, I believe."

Upon hearing my answer, Cris pumps out her fist, her lips mouth a silent 'Yes!', her eyes twinkle like stars. "Thanks for telling me. Well, I'll be going, then. Goodbye!" She jogs away from the park while waving her hand at me. What's up with that reaction, I wonder. She gets really excited when hearing about Kel coming for their outing. Putting that line of thought aside, I raise my hand, waving it back at her.

"And enjoy your date with Aubrey!"

 "…?"

Huh, wonder why she says that? Does it look like I'm going on a date with her? A burger shop doesn't sound like a romantic place to go, not like I know any better. Wouldn't you go to, say, a theme park, for example? Or a movie theatre for that romantic feel? 

Speaking of Aubrey, she's still not here yet, though she's not to blame. This is an impromptu activity, after all. But it's no big deal. I can repay her by treating her lunch, and I make sure my pocket is filled with money. Wouldn't want to repeat the last incident in Fix-It now, would I? Though it's a shame the others couldn't join, so we have to make it with just the two of us.

Yeah, that's right…just the two of us…

The two of us…

"…"

Eh? Why does that sound a bit off?

Let's dial it back a bit. Today, I want to try the new burger outlet in Faraway, and since Kel and Basil have their things to do, and I don't know the directions, Aubrey agrees to come with me to the shop, just us two. Which means…

ARE WE BASICALLY GOING ON A DATE?

The sudden realisation hits me like a truck, and I so hope I got transported into another world. Everything is spinning, my legs are wobbling like wet noodles, and the throbbing of my heart reaches my ears. Trying to regain my footing, I reach out to grab on the metal railings—

"AH, THAT HURTS!"

The moment my gloves make contact with the metal, it gives out a loud zap sound, literally shocking my entire body. Stupid physics and their electrostatics.

Well, good thing that the pain brings my head back to the ground. Take deep breaths, Sunny. It's not as scary as you think. Even if Cris said it's a date, it isn't. No matter how much it looks like it, this is not a date! It's nothing but a simple hangout between two old friends. That's all there is to it. No need to overthink such things.

"Yeah, there's no need…"

"…"

A gust of wind blows through me, almost messing up my hair.

Speaking of which, did I comb my hair before heading out? Since I always keep it short, a bad case of bed hair is never a concern. I also make sure to brush my teeth too; good thing that Mom drilled that into my head since I was a kid. I take a long look on my clothes for today: a simple grey winter coat with long blue jeans. Looks presentable enough, to be honest. Not too flashy to earn attention, and not too weird to earn glances. I never trust in my sense of fashion, so Mom was the one that did all the decisions. Aubrey is in a whole other league, though. She always looks good in whatever she wears, whether the cutesy look back when we were kids or the cool, rebellious one she puts on now. Oh no, what if she thinks my clothes are plain and boring, or even worse, finds out that I never pick one on my own? Ugh, I'm such an idiot! If only I took on Rudy and Hiyori's offer to help me buy clothes back then…

And I did apply some deodorant today, right? Being nervous can excrete sweat, which leads to body odor, and girls don't like smelly boys. Cleanliness and body hygiene is one of the keys to a successful date. At least, that's what the internet forums told me.

…not like this is a date or anything! Why am I even freaking out in the first place?

"Hey, Sunny! Were you waiting for long?"

A feminine voice calls me from behind. Uh oh. She's here, isn't she? "It's alright, it's alright…" I repeat those words to myself, cupping my cheeks to regain some composure. With a steel heart, I turn to greet the girl before me. "Hey, Aub…rey."

Her figure stands out like an oasis in this plain field of snow. A black turtleneck sweater with matching pants, giving off the aura of a prideful woman, along with a dark grey winter jacket to complement it. Her long pink hair flowing in the wind and her teal bow tied on top of it is just perfect, like pouring the hot gravy juice onto a perfectly cooked medium-rare steak, grilled by the most elite chefs. It's as if she has become the centre of attention, and she's damn proud of it.

"Did I make you wait? Sorry, I have to feed Bun-Bun, first." Aubrey wipes the few strands of hair from her face, her cyan contacts now meet my gaze.

"N-No, not really…"

"Alright then. Now let's go! It's not far from here, and don't have high expectations for it." Aubrey is now in front of me, leading the way to the restaurant, yet my eye wouldn't tear away from her, as she walks with such confidence and style, making me self-conscious of my posture. But most importantly, she looks so freaking cool I can't—

"Um, Sunny? You okay there, dude?"

"H-Huh? Oh yeah, I am…" Come on, Sunny. Get it together! It's a good thing my face was completely blank the whole time. Hopefully.

Mom is a busy woman. As a lone mother, the responsibility she has to carry; working full time to earn money so she can feed food to her only son, paying the monthly rent and bills, all of that by herself—it's an arduous task. But that doesn't mean she has no time for herself. During the weekends, other than checking up on me, she would lounge on the couch and indulge in some TV dramas, mainly soap operas aired on Saturday evenings. I only tune in for the weekly animes, but I do sometimes watch a few that catches my eye with her, although I have to drag a chair from the kitchen since the couch is too small. I would call her cheapskate, but we're not very liquid on money for the longest time.

The plot of some of these dramas was absurd, to a point where I wonder where do the writers get these ideas from? It can get off-putting at times, but Mom seems to like it. There is this one show that stands out. In it, there was a scene where the main couple was walking together on the sidewalk on a winter day. They shared talks, allowing themselves to be vulnerable as they laid bare their feelings, before ending it with a declaration of love as they both shared a gentle, slow kiss under a mistletoe. Hats off to the actors, they played their roles so well.

Watching that, I was moved by the scene, and in the back of my mind, I imagined myself having a quiet walk, admiring nature's beauty, alongside my significant other. How romantic that must be…

"…"

Well, too bad. Because I'm not feeling an ounce of romance at all.

It's been five minutes since our walk from the park, and Aubrey leads upfront, none word has been exchanged as of yet. This winter walk to me is as exciting as it is nerve-wracking. Exciting, as in my gaze has been fixated on the girl in front of me, reveling in how black goes well with her pink hair as if she looks straight from a fashion magazine. Damnit, if only Basil is here! Where's the photograph enthusiast when you need him?

On the other, her style for today is so cool I am at a loss for words, making the entire walk shroud in silence. My heart wants nothing more than to shower her with compliments and praises, but my brain reasons with it, saying it might make things even more awkward. Just what should I do at this point?

Well, I guess a little bit of praise wouldn’t hurt. "Black clothes suit you well, Aubrey."

The girl turns back, her eyes darting around her clothes, before flashing me a small smirk. "Heh, you think so? I never tried to wear all-black before…"

"When did you buy it?"

"Well, it's more like a gift. Polly and Basil brought me to a mall once. I told them I have the money, but Polly wanted to pitch in. She can be persistent, sometimes."

That's a relief to hear. Judging from her home situation, you wouldn't expect someone like Aubrey to wear fashionable clothes like that. At the very least, she has been getting more and more help from other people. She is no longer left alone to decide on what to do next, unlike back then. I couldn't ask for a better outcome.

That aside, the thought of Aubrey going shopping at a mall is an interesting one. Maybe someday I can bring her to the city, where fancy clothes are as wide as the eye can see. She can try any sort of fashion to her heart's content. She can go for a stylish one, a more casual look, or even that adorable pair of bunny ears that I saw once…

…and the others will be there too, of course. I'm not as stupid as to bring only her to the city. That looks I'm trying to hit on her or something—

"Sunny, there's a truck!"

Everything flashes by in an instant. Time ticks off in a way that my brain couldn't perceive as if I have been left in some sort of limbo. The next thing I know, I am being held by Aubrey, with the loud engine sounds of a vehicle lingering in the air.

"Are you alright? That damn bus was speeding for no reason." I nod my head in response, still finding it difficult to open my mouth. "Geez, you need to be more careful, dude. Don't suddenly daydream when walking beside the road. It's dangerous!" She lectures; her eyes looking at me with worry. I internally sigh, being saved by a girl in such a manner is pretty lame. I'm about to open my mouth to thank her…

…before I realise what kind of position are we in. My entire body is leaned back, Aubrey's arm catching me by the waist, similar to how couples end their partner dances. Our faces are so close to each other, to the point where our noses are lightly bumping, with her hot breath landing on my cheeks.

I feel the blood rushing to my face as my brain finally registers the soft feeling of her touch. Yet, for some reason, I couldn't move a muscle. My eye darts around, studying the shape and details of her face: the shape of her nose, her bit-chapped lips, those eyes that bore into my very own, the trail of sweat falling from her forehead, her pink strands of hair tickling my face…

"Wow…"

"H-Huh? What do you mean 'wow'?"

"And we're here."

The girl points her index finger towards a two-storey building, painted in colours of red and brown, with a big circular logo, containing letters of 'B' and 'P' plastered at the centre. A huge burger replica is placed on top of the building, attracting those who have a sudden craving for such food.

"Welcome to Burger Prince or the 'BPs' as the locals call it. You sure you haven't seen this in the city?" Aubrey asks, to which I simply shake my head. I'm pretty sure there is a joint there, and it's just due to me not eager enough to search for any. Burgers are a fine choice of food, but it's far from my favourite. Steaks, however…

"How come you haven't seen any? I thought the city has everything."

I give her a deadpan look. "Just because I live there doesn't mean I know everything about it."

The girl shrugs her shoulders. "Makes sense, I guess."

Opening the door to enter the joint, we are greeted with warm air blowing from the inside, probably due to the heaters they installed. This sudden comfort is certainly welcoming, as if I'm back in my room, sleeping under the warm quilt during a cold winter night. Finally, I can take this thick jacket off.

Oh, and it's also packed with people. "Wow, this place is full."

"Well, it's the holidays, after all. More free time for people to go around and have fun." Aubrey comments, her eyes are darting around in search of an empty seat.

"Yeah…anyway, let's try to find a—"

I slightly turn my head towards her, and my heart suddenly throbs from my chest. Aubrey has taken her jacket off, exposing her turtleneck sweater for me to see. The way it hugs her body figure-not too baggy that makes her look big, nor too tight that makes her look skimpy. It fits just right, accentuating her confidence and her feminine charms as if this particular sweater is specially tailored just for her. This woman is so cool and so dreamy, can she just carry me bridal style already, and just—

"Let's go find a seat really quick. It's going to get busy from now onwards." Aubrey walks away and I have to blink a few times to realise she's talking to me. Shaking my head, I follow her from behind, placing a hand on my chest to calm my increasing heartbeat.

…

Looks like today is our lucky day. There is one vacant spot not far from the ordering counter, and it's near to the drinking fountain, making it convenient to refill our drinks. There is a group of girls sitting beside the spot, and though I prefer more privacy, I can't expect that kind of luxury in a restaurant packed with people. "Aubrey, we can seat here." I point out.

But there's something weird going on. The girl glances shortly at the free seat, then turns towards the opposite direction, her head moving around as if still trying to find other places. Is something wrong with the one we have right now? I look back to the seat, and it's perfectly fine. Sure, it's not cushion-made like the other ones, but better that than not having a place to seat. Sitting on the floor is an option, but I'm not going to embarrass myself. "Um, is something wrong?"

Aubrey looks at me, her eyebrows slightly furrowed, her lips struggling to put on a smile. "Erm, do we really have to sit there?"

"Well, we don't have to…but I'm not sure we can find another free seat."

"Yeah, you're right..."

Hmm, that’s weird. "Is there…"

"No, it's nothing." She cuts me off just before I could say anything, as she puts down her jacket on the table, marking it as ours. "C'mon, now. Let's go and order something."

"Okay…" I muster a reply. So many questions, so many concerns, yet there is nothing I could do. If she doesn't want to say, then I should not press for answers. Hopefully, this doesn't drag out throughout our whole lunch. 

…

Coming from someone who works in a fast-food joint, I do have to give praise to 'Burger Prince' for their efficiency and speed in delivering orders. It took around five minutes for our order to be delivered, and that's pretty impressive, considering we are during peak hour. Though, the looks on their faces as they sort out all the coming orders, all while dealing with the customers, is something I can relate to.

As for the food itself, it's decent. It has everything one expects from a burger: the buns are warm enough, the veggies, while not fresh, are still edible, and the patty is cooked well. The black pepper sauce, the variation that I ordered, gives out the spice to enhance the flavour. It’s not mind-blowing, but I don't expect to be amazed every time I eat something. If it tastes good, then that's enough.

Although, I do wish I could enjoy it more, have it not been for the lingering tension in the air.

Aubrey and I have not said a thing, and while that is the norm for both of us, this time is different. I can feel the uneasiness coming off from her. Her face tells me that she's enjoying the food, but her body language shows otherwise. She fidgets around her seat, lightly shaking her legs, her body tenses up as if she wants nothing more than to leave this place. I don't understand, a moment ago she was all happy and cheery, and now she's acting like a different person.

"No, it's nothing."

Anyone who has some common sense can tell that she's lying. Aubrey is someone that wears her heart on her sleeves, someone that is always honest to herself. Even back when we were young, she was never a good liar.

"…"

Maybe I could help her, somehow. It's my last day in Faraway, who knows when we could hang out together again, and I would rather have our memories here not be ruined by any bitter feelings.

"T-The burger's pretty good, don't you think?" I try to start some small talk with an upbeat tone.

Aubrey gives a short response. "Yeah, it is."

"The sauce, too."

"Mmhm."

"Do you always come here?"

"Sometimes, if I have some cash to spend."

"Right. It's a bit pricey…"

"Yeah…"

"…"

"…"

I internally sigh. This is getting nowhere. In fact, it's gotten worse. The air feels heavier, almost suffocating to a point. My half-eaten burger no longer looks appetizing, and my stomach begins to churn, making me want to throw up due to discomfort.

I should've listened to my gut. What was the point of asking her if it was going to make her uncomfortable? If she says it's nothing, then that's all there is to it. Aubrey is not a kid anymore. She is a teenager who can handle everything by her own. She knows herself more than anybody. If she doesn't want to share her problems, then what right do I have to force her? It’s not like back then, where we shared our feelings without any sort of worry.

Time changes, and so do people too.

It is a memory of a distant time, back when we were defined by our innocence. I was on my way back from school when I noticed Aubrey sitting on the swings by her lone-self. She looked gloomy and unhappy, a contrast to her usual energetic personality when we all hung out together. Had it not been for her distinctive pink bow on her head, I would've mistaken it with someone else. It was rare to see her all alone like that, since she is always seen talking with Mari or playing with Kel.

She perked her head up the moment she saw me slowly approaching her. Aubrey greeted me, yet her tone sounded dry as if she forced herself to say hello. I voiced my concern for her, but she brushed it off, saying that everything was fine, telling me not to worry about her.

I didn't listen.

Ignoring her pleas, I sat on the empty swing beside her. She asked me why to which I replied:

"I don't want you to be sad."

The difference between kids and adults is that they never hold back. They speak whatever they have in mind, or act purely on their emotions, which is why they are associated with honesty; they don't know how to lie, so everything they do is based on what they're feeling.

We sat there in total silence, letting the soft windy breeze blew our hair and the leaves from the ground. Aubrey began to open up, and slowly, her words flowed like a river, to a point where she choked on her sobs a few times. And I sat there, listening to what her mind had to say. To think that even someone as strong as Aubrey had problems of her own.

At one point, she asked me something. Of what I thought about her, after seeing her crying her heart out like that. "You must not want to be my friend anymore, right? Now that you see me as a big crybaby and not this happy girl everyone sees me as."

"I don't think that changes anything."

"Huh?"

"You're still you. It doesn't matter if you're happy or sad. You're still my friend."

The words blurted out of my mouth. Straight as an arrow, and about as smart as one. But who would’ve guessed that arrow would mark the beginning of our little secret? Since then, our talks at the swings have become more common, with Aubrey gushing about her daily life, or sometimes pouring her heart out, and I would always be there, sitting on that swing by her side.

I didn't say much, nor did I offer her a solution to her problems. But the fact that she chose me to see the side of her that nobody knew of, the fact that she trusted me to share her buried feelings. It made me happy, knowing that I was able to help her in some way.

It might be childish, but even after all this time, I still want her to depend on me like she used to. But we're not little kids anymore, where we can share or say anything in our minds without any sort of restraint. Funny how adults are depicted as brave, mature individuals, yet we all are afraid of vulnerability, scared of being hurt by others.

“…”

I put down my half-finished burger on the tray. This simply cannot continue. If this place is too much for her, then the least I can do is bring her out of it. There is no longer joy left if one is not into it. "Aubrey, maybe we should—"

"…ugh, why is she here…"

"…and here I thought we won't have to see her again…"

What is that?

"…just look at her, trying to act good and shit…"

"…her pink hair makes me sick. She wants attention or something…?"

"…just fuck off, already. No one wants you here…"

These whispers…

“…her clothes look nice, though. I bet she steals it…”

“…makes sense. Didn’t her dad leave her and her mother…?”

“…yeah, and that somehow excuses her for everything she did. Huh, what a bitch…”

The voices seem to come not far from us, particularly from where the group of girls is. I take a little glance, only to see those girls whispering among themselves while giving us judging eyes, full of hate and resentment.

"…"

No, that's not it. They're not giving me those eyes. Even if my eyepatch may warrant some unwanted attention, I am only but a stranger to them.

It's not me they're talking about. But her…

In a slow, but painful way, the entire mood shifts. I feel a terrible pain gnawing in my stomach, as those whispers become more and more noticeable. Aubrey's unwillingness to choose this seat, her sudden change in behaviour, her tensed body language; everything starts to make sense.

And then, it reaches the breaking point.

"I'm sorry, Sunny."

 Before I could do anything, she jolts up from her chair, slamming both her hands on the table, alarming all the other customers. "If you want to say something, then say it! Grow a fucking spine and talk to me, face-to-face!" She shouts in anger, bringing the entire food joint into a dead silence.  

I can feel the peering eyes of other people, as we become the centre of attention. Curiosity, annoyance, frustration. These are what they must be feeling, but none of them even try to interfere. Why would they, since it has nothing to do with them. Better be the spectator than being involved, right?

This is the worst. I want to run away from this dreadful place, but my body won't budge, chained by the overwhelming feeling of anxiety.

Suddenly, a voice breaks the awful silent air. "You want to make a scene? Fine, then."

From the group, a short-haired brunette girl stands up, glaring at Aubrey with sinister eyes, not once feeling intimidated by the girl. "You think you can just walk in here like you did nothing wrong?"

"What's it to you, then?" Aubrey snaps back, her lips narrow as if she’s biting them. "If you people have a problem with that, then get the hell out of here. No one's stopping you."

I remain glued to the seat, watching the events unfold, before a few strings of whispers enter my eardrums.

"…such language…has that girl have no shame…?"

"…kids these days are getting too violent and rude…I feel sorry for her parents…"

My heart screams, begs for me to rectify their comments, to argue, or just do something. Anything to diffuse this situation. But I can't. Like a puppet, my body is being pulled by strings of fear, leaving no choice but to helplessly watch.

Aubrey…please, stop. Let's get out of here and be done with it.

The brown-haired girl clicks her tongue. "You little…oh, who's that boy over there? Heh, let me guess. Another weak boy for you to bully huh, Aubergine? Do you think you're tough, picking on guys like him? Are you really that desperate for self-validation!?"

More whispers can be heard.

"…Aubergine? Isn't that the girl that lives near the church?"

"…isn't she that kid who always caused trouble? My daughter once told me about her…"

"…that brat did something again? Why didn't the school just throw her into juvenile, already?"

Aubrey flinches, her fingers slowly ball into a fist. "He has nothing to do with this."

"Oh, is that so? That's fucking rich, coming from someone like you! You act all self-righteous when it concerns you, but when it comes to other people, you couldn't care less, huh!?"

From the corner of my eye, some of the workers are panicking, stumped on what to do next, trying to figure out how to control the situation. One of them reaches for a phone, possibly calling for their manager.

Aubrey begins to waver. "Who are you? What do you want from me?"

"I can't believe this," The brown-haired girl retorts, before suddenly letting out a mocking laugh, agitating Aubrey even more. "You took my brother to a hospital, and you don't remember? You really don't care about others, do you? He may have forgiven you, but I never once did!"

"Brother? What do you mean..."Aubrey is about to open her mouth again, before her jaw drops, her eyes widen in fear. "...no, you're…!"

"Finally remember, huh? To this day, I will never forget the look my brother had. The tears spilling from his eyes, the blood trailing from his head, the bruises tattered all over his body, and it's all your fault!"

Aubrey doesn't say a word. Her legs step back, and her eyes threaten to leak. 

"Seeing you at school, trying to behave like a good girl as if you did nothing wrong, pisses me off. Who are you trying to fool here? Everyone knows what you did, so it's useless anyway. Why not ditch school like you used to? At least the teachers don't have to deal with your bullshit anymore."

"…"

"What's wrong? Got nothing left to say? In case you haven't figured it out yet, let me spell it out for you: I hate you, Aubergine. I don't care how hard you try to change yourself, or to appease to everyone, because the way I see it…"

"…you're nothing but a devil, trying to pretend as an angel!" 

And at that moment, everything breaks loose.

It all happens in an instant, leaving the sudden gasps from other strangers behind. Yet, I somehow witness all of it in each detail, like flipping through a photo album.

Aubrey's hands move as fast as a shooting bullet, as she grabs the girl by the collar, bringing her face close. Her eyes glare with fury, her flaring cheeks wet from the flowing tears, and her arms are shaking from the sudden adrenaline, earning shrieks from people around us.

The brunette slips out a sudden gasp for a split second before she regains her footing. "Go ahead," she says, her hands spreading wide as if she's surrendering. "Hit me. Let these people see who you truly are."

I bite my tongue, feeling the taste of rusted metal in my mouth. What am I doing, still sitting down like an idiot? I need to do something now! If I stay like this…

"Somebody, stop these kids! This is a public place!"

Move…

"Get them out of here! Bloody delinquents…"

Move, damnit! Aubrey needs you right now, more than ever! If you stay like this, she's going to do something bad. If you stay like this, you're going to regret this for the rest of your life.

"Hey, if you kids want to fight, then take it outside! This is my restaurant!"

For once in your life, take action, instead of sitting around!

Aubrey slowly raises her fists, and then…

"NO!"

Mustering all the little courage I have left, I spring myself from the seat, immediately wrap my arms around her, using whatever strength I have to hold her back. She jolts at first, struggling to break free from my grasp, before turning to face me, her pupils dilating in bewilderment. "Sunny…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

It feels like the passage of time comes to a standstill. Everything becomes static, except for my racing heartbeat and my ragged breaths.

When finally, Aubrey shoves the girl down, her sudden movements bring me back to reality. Without glancing at me, she grabs her jacket and storms away from the scene.

"Aubrey, wait!"

Chapter Text

I dearly pray that all of this is just a dream, a nightmare that I am so familiar with. But it seems, I am nothing but a hopeless man, being forced to look at reality in the eye.

As I step outside from the restaurant, a cold gust of wind blows on my face, tasting the fresh air entering my nostrils; a contrast to the warm, yet suffocating air inside. Panic fuels me as my head turns left and right, frantically searching for Aubrey, or at least getting a clue to where she's gone. And in that moment of restlessness, a lone black silhouette with shades of pink enters my horizon, though its size is getting smaller, slowly being swallowed by the white snow. I command my legs to run, this time they listen to my needs.

"Aubrey!" I call out her name, desperate to catch up to her as fast as I can, all while cursing myself for letting things spiral out of control. Had I acted soon enough, maybe things would've turned out different. Few bystanders are weirdly looking at me, probably wondering why this young boy is chasing a girl. One might think this is the usual couple argument, though, at this point, I would rather have that.

"Wait, please!" I cry out for her once more, feeling myself losing some footing thanks to the slippery roads. Any moment now, and I would surely fall face-first onto the hard concrete.

And by some miracle, Aubrey actually stops running, and now stands there, her back is still facing me. Did my voice reach her? Or is there something else? My legs slow their pace, though the seeds of anxiety start to plant themselves in my heart. Am I doing the right thing, or perhaps it's wise to leave her alone at the moment? "H-Hey, are you…"

She turns to face me, and my heart suddenly aches like never before. Her cheeks are drenched from the seething torrent of tears that have been building up since the argument. Her lips quiver, as if she's struggling to swallow a lump of air. Those pair of cyan contacts look at me with a bloodshot glare, yet it is not anger that I see, but the pain and sorrow of one lone girl.

It hurts to see her like this. Back when we were at the swings, then at the church, and now on a cold January winter.

"Sorry for leaving you like that. I forgot you may not know the way home."

"No, it's okay…erm, about just now—"

"Can we…talk elsewhere? People are looking at us…"

"Oh, right. Sure."

That little exchange that we had was ten minutes ago, and ever since then, none of us share a single word on our way back, as we pass through the familiar Othermart. Aubrey is trying to act as if nothing happened. She hides her face well, but the cracks forming on her mask are so obvious to see. She's never good at lying, anyway.

And yet, even after knowing all that, my tongue struggles to move, as if something is stuck in my throat. What am I supposed to do, seeing her like this? If she's uncomfortable in sharing her thoughts, then I have no right to probe her into it. Asking her about it would probably tick her off, souring the entire situation even further. There are things that we can't be honest about, even if we're friends.

But then, am I supposed to leave her by herself? Just smile and wave, turning a blind eye to the whole thing? Hoping that she somehow will bounce back on her own? Aren't friends supposed to have each other's backs? When should I be forward, and when should I know my boundaries?

Why does everything have to be hard?

"…"

We're at the junction towards Aubrey's house when she finally turns to face me. "Well, I guess this is where we part ways. Sorry again about today. It's even your last day here, and I have to…" She trails off, looking as if she's forcing her lips to stay smiling. "…anyway, I shouldn't keep you waiting. See you." Aubrey waves her hand, slowly walking away from me.

I...

"…hmm?"

Out of instinct, my fingers are now tugging her jacket sleeves, as if my entire life depends on it.

"Sunny?" Aubrey asks, her eyes suddenly widening.

"I…"

For so long, I have never been the one to take the lead. Letting others make the decisions while I follow them from behind. That is how I steered my way into this life, akin to a nail that will never move unless a hammer force it to.

What I'm doing right now is probably an unwise thing to do. Aubrey might get mad, yelling at me to mind my own business.

But even so…

"C-can we… talk for a bit?"

…it's still better than doing nothing at all!

"…"

"…"

"…"

I lift my head, using all the courage I have to not avert my gaze, her eyes still staring at me in shock. After what feels like an eternity, she brings her head down, her lips shaking, showing an ounce of hesitation. My fingers remain tugging her sleeves, not once wanting to let go.

"…"

"…okay."

No one's currently at the park, save for a small family happily building a snowman right beside the huge replica of a cat, now covered completely with snow. Aubrey and I sit on the swing-set not far from them, but enough to have a sense of privacy. A quiet, calming air fills the silence of the park, both of us at the swings, with me sitting at Aubrey's left: a familiar scenery. I can't help but feel nostalgic.

"I'm guessing you have so many questions in your head, right?" She asks, to which I reply with a nod. "Heh, makes sense. You saw everything, after all. From start to finish." The girl pauses with a dry sigh, letting out steam from her mouth.

"That girl you saw is from my school. We're not classmates, so I barely know her. And, considering my previous reputation here, we tried our best to stay out of each other's way. You don't get in my way, and I won't get in yours. That was how things were going, until one day."

"I was at the park here, with Kim and the others, fooling around like usual. People didn't like us that much-or maybe they were scared of us, so we usually had the park all for ourselves. It did make us act more like jerks, that's for sure. But then, we noticed someone staring at the forest, where the secret hangout spot is. It was Basil, all alone by himself."

My body winces like it's my second nature upon hearing Aubrey mentioning his name. During those years, their friendship had been stained with anger and hate; a product of my cowardice. There are days when I wished things would turn out different, but I can't erase what's already written.

"Basil just stood there, without moving a muscle, simply staring deep into the forest. Thinking about it, he was probably reminiscing of old times, of what we once had. But of course, I didn't see it that way. Just the sight of him was enough to make my blood boil. We went and started to pick on him, called him names and whatnot, even threatening him to leave the park. And he sat there and took it, which probed us to do it even more."

"But then, Basil suddenly stood up. He pushed Kim and Angel out of his way, all while screaming at us to leave him alone. It was a shock at first since he never once fought back all the times before. And I, instead of trying to see through him, decided to blind myself with hate and pushed him onto the ground. 'You're the one that started all of this.' 'If only you cherished the photo album instead of ruining it.' Those were the thoughts that clouded my mind as I landed kick by kick onto his stomach."

Aubrey's voice hitches the more she speaks, and her lip corners drop, with her eyebrows being pulled close. She recoils a bit the moment she realises my hand slowly approaching her; my effort to at least comfort her. "Thanks, Sunny. But it's okay. I was a horrible person back then, no need to deny that." She displays a small smile, before continuing with her story.

"And then, out of nowhere, a boy came up to us from behind, telling us to stop what we were doing. He looked a year younger, yet the look on his face was enough to tell how brave he was. He was even ready to get into a fight, rolling his sleeves and all. I was already that mad with Basil, and suddenly, an outsider came from who-knows-where, had the gall to tell us what to do? I was beyond livid. I told him to back off, he stood his ground, we got into a verbal fight, and eventually, it got physical. I was lucky that Kim pulled me out of it because had she not, things would've turned out for the worse. The bruises I gave him, how weak his body looked. It was then I realised that I went too far...even now, I can still feel the weight of my punches reverberating in my hands." Aubrey pauses once more, her hands are now raised in front of her, lightly shaking.

"Fearing that we might be caught, we bailed out immediately. But of course, every action has its consequences. A few days later, we got suspended from school. Heh, what a fitting end, right?"

"During the suspension period, I did a lot of thinking. Of how I went overboard on that poor boy, or how I directed my anger for Basil towards him, who was just simply an outsider. My whole friends got in trouble because of me, so the least I could do was own up to it. After the suspension ended, I searched for the boy's home address. I knew an apology wasn't enough to erase everything, but it was better than none at all."

"Apparently, his bruises were so bad that he had to receive some medical treatment from the hospital. The only reason their parents didn't come and sue me was that they knew of my family situation. And on top of that, the poor boy…forgave me. He didn't want to elevate things even further, so the entire family decided to end things on a quiet note…except for the boy's older sister. On that day, when I stood in front of their home, wanting to apologise, she was there at the front door. When she told me everything, I have never felt so horrible about myself. I used to not care about the things I did, but at that moment, for the first time in a long while, I was being shown the consequences of my actions. When I insisted to see the brother, she didn't buy it. She screamed at me, saying how unfair everything was, and even threatened to call the police if I didn't leave. That was the last time we ever saw each other face-to-face. Until today, that is."

"…"

That is…a lot to take in. There are so many things I want to say, but my brain is struggling to find the suitable words for it. I wished I could tell her that it wasn't her fault, but no matter how I slice it, she did go overboard. There's no masking it, and I don't think she's even trying to defend herself. And that brother's older sister, her anger is justified. If it was me in his shoes, there was no doubt that Mari would've been livid by it. And yet, does that justify her actions back then, at the restaurant? Her anger is understandable, considering how lucky Aubrey was for getting just a short suspension as her punishment. She might even feel the whole situation is unfair. But even so, does that excuse her decision to publicly shame Aubrey? No one deserves to suffer such humiliation.

Hearing all of this, I can't help but wonder about my situation. Basil and I, children or not, did something horrible. Our lies haunted people for years, and in the end, we got away with it. What's stopping them from bringing us to the law? If the truth got out to the public, how would they look at us? That we were just innocent kids who didn't know any better, or problematic ones that should be judged?

"…"

"…"

The passage of time continues to flow, with the sounds of cars passing through lingering in the cold, windy air. Snowflakes are falling from the cloudy skies with elegance, some even landing on my shoulders. I turn to my right, and Aubrey is staring into the ground, watching her feet making circular motions on the snow.

"Sunny…am I a bad person?"

Her question almost throws me off. "…w-why do you say that?"

"It's just…I don't know. This past year, I have been trying hard to fix myself. To be a better person. To not get as angry as I used to. It's not much, but bit by bit, I want to change how people look at me. From doing part-time jobs to cleaning the graveyard at the church. But sometimes, I wonder if everything I did was just for naught, and all these months were a waste of time. That deep inside, I'm still the same old me…a devil."

Her lips tremble as Aubrey's body begins to shake. Even the brightness of the snow isn't enough to hide her falling tears. My heart aches once more.

"It hurts, Sunny…the words she said to me, it hurts so much! Everyone was looking at me, judging me, condemning me…I don't care if she never forgives me! Hell, I deserve all of this. The humiliation, the embarrassment, the pain, all of it. But even so…"

Her voice hitches.

"Do I don't deserve a second chance? Am I forever going to be hated by everyone around me? I don't even know what to do with myself. I even tried to hit her…"

And then, everything breaks down. Her emotions flow through like a broken dam.

"That's right, I tried to punch her. I worked so hard to control myself, and in the end, everything was for nothing! NOTHING! I'M STILL THE SAME OLD ME, USING ANGER TO SOLVE EVERYTHING! I HAVEN'T CHANGED EVEN ONE BIT!"

Aubrey lets out a loud, painful cry as her sobs and wails become louder and louder, threatening to even shatter the skies above, as if she's at the top of the world, shouting to her heart's content, letting the whole world know of her sorrows.

"…"

I wish I could be more useful to her. That my words can cure her sadness away like medicine, patching the scars of her heart. Yet, what more could I do? What can I do? The fear of making everything worse is holding me back. That my words, instead of being a medicine, becomes a double-edged sword, hurting both of us.

"…Sunny…why am I like this…why can't I change…"

"…"

Her voice sounds weak, making me want to scream. I want to tell her that everything will be fine, that she didn't do anything wrong, that we were all immature kids back then. But once more, my tongue refuses to move. As if a small lock, made by fear and self-doubt, suddenly materializes, locking my mouth shut.

Aubrey's sobs continue to fill the cold air, and in the end, I could do nothing but sit and watch the waterfall of her tears flowing from her face.

"Sorry for rambling to you, again. I just…couldn't hold it back any longer." She sighs, wiping the tears and snot from her face with the handkerchief that I gave to her. "Ugh, I'm such a mess."

"It's fine." I take a glance at her drained face, noticing her swollen eyes.

Aubrey rarely cried in front of other people . When we were kids, she always appeared strong, as if nothing in this world could ever phase her. Even when she fell from climbing trees, or getting bested in a challenge, she always seemed so cheerful and energetic. Such a contrast to me; timid, passive, and quiet boy. Her bright smiles and her loud laughter shine like a sun; so bright, yet so far. I always thought of her as someone far better in everything; someone who I can only watch and admired from afar.

But there were days, where the clouds were gloomier than usual, that her true, real feelings slipped out. Even the unreachable sun falls to the ground during sunset. Aubrey, like any other human, had her problems and insecurities. And she showed all of it to me. To this day, I never understand why she chose me out of everyone. Why not someone as mature as Mari, or even someone who is fun to be around with like Kel and Hero? Or even Basil, the ever-optimistic friend?

"…"

Overwhelmed by frustration, my hands grip the cold chains of the swings. My chest suddenly feels hot. This feeling, this desire to help, this fire that burns in my heart. Yet, what can I do for her? How should I comfort her? What words do I have to say?

Wait…

The cold chains of the swings…

My eye lands on the red metal before it raises to the yellow bar that these chains are attached onto.

The swings, huh…

…

"…anyway, thanks for hearing me out. I honestly need that—er, Sunny?"

Her face looks so lost the moment she turns my way. I am pulling my entire body backward, using my legs to anchor myself, ready to move into a full swing. I take a short glance at her, before saying, "Let's play."

Her face becomes even more dumbfounded. "What?"

I tilt my head sideways.

"You want to swing?"

I give out a light hum. "Together." I lift my legs, letting the momentum take me as my body oscillates upwards. "Swing with me, Aubrey." I call out for her, praying that she joins in soon. It's going to be awkward if I'm the only one swinging here.

And soon after, my prayers are answered, as I see Aubrey begins to launch herself too, her face still remain confused. 

The two of us continue to swing, though I feel like both of us are not giving our all. An idea suddenly pops into my brain. "Let's see who can go the highest," I suggest.

"What's with you all of a sudden?" She snorts out in surprise.

"Nothing. Just feel like it. So, you in?"

Aubrey doesn't say a word, and I begin to feel uneasy. Did I somehow make everything worse? Or maybe she's thinking of how childish this is?

However, a familiar, energetic voice fills my ears, putting my worries to rest. "Sure, let's go! I'm not going to lose to you, though."

I loudly blow air out of my mouth. "Hah, we'll see!"

Not long after, the quiet atmosphere that gloomed all over the park slowly dissipates away, replaced by the heartful laughter and squeals from two grown teenagers. The cold wind now ravages my face with no mercy as my momentum gains more force with each swing. The higher I go, the feeling of nausea in my stomach becomes more noticeable. Ugh, I might push myself too hard, here. I begin to slow down my movement, before…

"C'MON, SUNNY! YOU CAN GET HIGHER THAN THAT! HAHAHA!"

Her bright voice, the cute giggles she gives out, her loud, yet oh-so-charming laughter. Those are enough for me to keep going.

Nothing else matters. Our sins, our mistakes, our painful memories; all of them disappear for just a fleeting moment.

Just a young boy and a young girl happily playing at the swings.

Alas, all good things have to come to an end. My face feels so dry thanks to the breeze, and my stomach is upset with me swinging like a madman. The things we do to achieve happiness…

"Whew, that was great! I haven't laughed that much for so long." Aubrey groans, giving herself light stretches as she gets up from the swings. Well, seeing her now all happy at least makes all this pain worth it.

"Hey, did you…do that for me? Just now?" She suddenly asks, giving me a soft expression. Feeling embarrassed, I land my eye on the ground, unable to meet her gaze. "I…don't know how to help you, Aubrey. I have never been that good with words, so I feel like this is the best that I can do for you. Sorry if it's not much…"

Sometimes, I feel ashamed of myself. My friends all have these good qualities that set each of them apart, whether it be their way with words or their contagious smiles; all of them help me in their ways. And then there's me, who has always been on the receiving end, rarely offering something in return. 

"What are you talking about?" Aubrey chuckles, her voice contains no malice. "Sunny, you have done so much for me."

"Really? But I don't help you in any way. I just sit there and listen…"

"And that's more than enough," She puts her hand on my shoulder, her touch feels strangely warm. "Look, I don't need a prince on a white stallion to scoop me and somehow save me from all of my problems. Sometimes, just you being here, lending me an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on. That is all I need."

Her words echo in my mind; gentle as a breeze on a quiet afternoon, but strong to blow away the clouds of self-doubt shrouding me. Perhaps it's because of said clouds that I struggle to see anything good in me, except for my glaring flaws. I still don't buy it, but I'll take her word for now.

"So, don't go thinking that you're not helping much, okay? I'll hit you if you do that again." She shows her teasing smirk, while playfully hitting me on the shoulders. If she has the energy to crack some jokes, then her worries must have been washed away.

"So, are you all better, now?" I ask, just to hear her say it.

Aubrey looks deep into me, locking her eyes with mine. And all of a sudden, I feel something stir within me.

From the cracks of the clouds, a ray of sunlight shines its way upon the earth, and by some sheer luck, it illuminates her entire face perfectly, as if an angel has descended from heaven. Her cyan contacts are as pretty as jewels, with her chapped but still smooth lips stretching from ear to ear, showing bits of her front teeth, as a gentle gust of wind breezes past us, blowing her long, pink hair, leaving trails of watermelon scent.  

As if the whole world marvels at her sweet smile, everything is perfectly aligned for this exact moment. Akin to a masterfully drawn portrait, or the best candid photo one ever took.

"Yes, it sure did!"

Her voice sounds so sweet and pleasant; a mix of her soft, cheery tone akin to when we were young, and her rough, brash voice that everyone finds intimidating. Yet somehow, it has to be one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard.

She's gentle. She's rough. But above all else, she's beautiful. Everything about her is too beautiful.

That moment immediately flies away along with the windy breeze, but that image of Aubrey widely smiling at me is now burned into my mind, forever it shall remain in the gallery of my memories. Something about her smile, of how sweet and innocent it is, makes me…

It makes me…

"…"

What is this feeling?

It's…hard to describe it. This sudden rush of emotions, this warm feeling swelling in my chest, the sudden palpitations. My head feels dizzy, and I find myself tongue-tied, unable to utter a single word. It's unpleasant, yet I…don't mind it at all.

Aubrey is now in front of me, treading her way towards the exit. Her mouth is moving, her hands are motioning towards me, but her voice doesn't reach my ears, as the only thing I hear is the loud beating of my heart. I try to distract myself by admiring the scenery of the town covered by snow, but even the cold isn't enough to thaw this fire within me, fuelled by her dazzling smile.

No matter how hard I try, that image of her wouldn't leave my mind. 

The golden ray shines through the creamy skies, splashing colours of orange into the limitless field, as the sun comes down, slowly becoming one with the white field of snow. The curtains have been brought down, and the sand in my hourglass starts to run out. It's time to return home, much as I relent to. My heart will surely ache the fresh air and the simpler, more calming atmosphere of this small and wonderful town. Facing the bustling, stress-inducing city every day, a little bit of escapism wouldn't hurt anyone.

I am now walking towards the bus station, revelling in the marvelous sight of the white snow being reflected by the sunlight. Winter may be cruel with its bone-chilling coldness, but this sight is more than worth it to witness. It's no wonder why people love to take pictures during this season; not only it's a good picture, but also provides a stellar background for a group photo.

Speaking of photos…

"Okay, you two. Can we get a move on? You can take your pictures later." A complaint comes out from Kel's mouth, as a funny sight is happening before us. Aubrey is under a particular tree, pulling all sorts of poses as Basil, his polaroid camera on hand, moves side to side to get a good camera angle. Both of them look as if they're having a photoshoot in this faraway of a town.

Although it seems Basil is quite unhappy with the results, even his scrunched face shows that frustration. "Is it my fault, Basil?" The girl asks with worry.

The boy shakes his head. "No, that's not it…sigh, I just can't seem quite satisfied with the outcome, you know."

"Well, why don't you take photos like you used to? You know, the ones where we least expect it?"

"You mean candid photos? Yes, while I do prefer taking those kinds, it would get boring if that's the only type of photos that I do, you know?"

"Well, if you want to take those kinds of photos," Kel comes closer to them, with a metaphorical lightbulb lit on the top of his head. "Why not have a group photo, right now? The sun is setting, so that's going to be a pretty background. Aren't I right, Basil?"

Quite a surprise, seeing Kel being this knowledgeable about photography, or maybe that's just common knowledge that I haven't picked up yet. Basil's eyes lit up hearing his suggestion. "Sure, why not?" He excitedly nods his head. There's still time before my bus arrives, so I guess a little bit of detour wouldn't hurt. Better than spending the time idling around the station, that's for sure.

We manage to find a good spot to take a photo, though there's another problem: Who's going to take it? Kel seems to have an answer in hand, as he shoves Aubrey, lightly of course, out of the group. "The hell is that for, you ass?"

"Well, someone has to take a picture for us." He calmly replies.

The girl snorts. "Oh, and since when you're the one that decides that? I want to be in the picture, too."

"C'mon, Aubrey. You had your fun a few minutes ago. And besides, this is going to be a boys-only picture," Kel brings his big arms over me and Basil's shoulders, bringing us close while putting his tongue out to her. "So, no girls allowed!"

A part of me fears for another argument to occur, but Aubrey shakes her head instead, laughing it off. "Childish as ever, huh? Alright then, get yourselves ready." She brings the polaroid camera to her face, her index finger resting on the shutter.

A picture with my old friends. Thinking back on it, these last few days, aside from the one with Kim's, we didn't take a single picture of us together, just us four. Back then, Basil was the most eager one, capturing every single moment he could, no matter how significant it was. Now, everyone is busy with their own lives, which makes moments like this even harder to come by. But I suppose that rare chance is what makes it even more special.

"…"

That being said, this is taking quite longer than expected. A strong breeze blows past us, sending literal chills down my body. It seems I'm not the only one, as even us being physically close like this couldn't stop Kel and Basil to shiver.

"Brr…w-what's the holdup? Just take the damn p-picture, already." Kel whines, followed by Basil's concerning voice. "Is the camera n-not working?"

"Nah, it is."

"Then, hurry up! It's too c-cold out here…" Kel starts to shift his body a bit before Aubrey's loud commanding voice stops him. "Don't move, you're going to ruin it!" says the girl, though my good eye catches something strange.  Right from the corner of her lips, a small smirk slowly creeps its way into her face, her figure emits this aura of mischief.

She's enjoying this, isn't she?

"Damn it, Aubrey! You're doing this on purpose-whoo, that's cold…"

"I should've...wear more clothes..."

Kel and Basil's continuous whining seems to be music to Aubrey's ears, so much so, her little chuckles and giggles grow louder. "Well, if it's too cold for you guys, then we don't have to take it~"

Usually, I keep myself quiet in situations like these, letting others go at it while I spectate from the sidelines, but right now, the cold is pushing me to the edge. "Aubrey!" I call out for her, and she jolts her head towards me, like a deer caught in headlights. If she's not going to listen to the other two, then she's not going to with me. Might as well go for it. "Can you…hurry up, please?" My lips form into a small pout, as I give out the best pleading voice I could.

The moment she hears my plead, the smug grin she wore disappears completely, her behaviour does a complete 180 as if a spell is cast on her. "…okay, if that's what you want." Aubrey timidly replies, looking awfully like a scared little bunny. 

"That was literally what we've both been asking for!"

…

"So, how do we look?"

"Eh, could've been worse. Our smiles look pretty unnatural, though."

"Well duh, it's cold. We could've done this a lot faster, had it not been for a certain someone…fooling around."

"Shut up, Kel. That's what you get for pushing me around."

I bring my head closer to get a better look. Two photos are taken; one where it's just us the boys, and the other where all of us are there. By the time we took the second one, no one was around to help us, so Kel had to take one by himself since he's the tallest and all. It took a few tries, but we managed to get one.

"Hmm, it's a bit blurry though, don't you guys think?" Basil points out, holding the group photo for us to see. Certainly, it is. Our positions are a bit off, with Kel's face almost taking up one-third of the frame, and his face was all scrunched up, like a student receiving his grades. "And you look weird."

"Hey, cut me some slack! The flash is right in front of me, it's an involuntary reaction!"

We unanimously burst into laughter, unsure whether it's directed to the photo or the fact that he used the word 'involuntary'. But it doesn't matter. For a moment, it feels like everything returns to what it used to be; just four kids, laughing under the falling snow. I, for one, think that the picture itself is good. The composition, the blurry quality, the position; it's not important. All of us are here, and that's what matters the most.

"I wonder, when will we get a chance like this again…" The words escape from my mouth, pulling their eyes towards me. "What do you mean?"

"It's just…all of us are going to be busy from now on. So…"

"…"

I can't finish that sentence. Even though all of them get the gist of it, I don't have it in me to verbalize it out loud. The idea that all of us are going to be separated again. That we will be drunk with work and responsibility, slowly drifting away. That moments like these will never last forever, and they will only come once in a blue moon.

Time is such a cruel concept. It continuously flows forward, never once waiting for its passengers.

"…wow, what a way to bring the mood down, dude." Aubrey scoffs, though the look on her face tells me even she's having those thoughts.

"Sorry, it suddenly comes into my mind." I rub the back of my head.

"I mean, Sunny's not exactly wrong," Basil replies with a heavy voice. "We're at that age where we will be deciding on what to do with our lives. Kel's trying to play basketball on a professional level. I want to learn more about business so that I can open my flower shop in the future. I'm not sure about Aubrey, but she must have a dream of her own. And Sunny's at the city, where they have countless jobs there."

"Everyone…is going on their separate ways. I doubt we will even stay in Faraway. That's just how it is."

"…"

"…"

"…"

The air tastes drier than usual, as Basil's words weigh around us. None of us say a word, yet the silence is already an answer by itself. No one tries to refute what he says because deep down, we all know that this is the kind of world we live in.

"C-Come on, guys! What's with the heavy mood, here?" Kel suddenly speaks up, his smile is as wide as ever, though even he struggles a bit keeping it up. "So what if we do get busy in the future? That just means we have to cherish the time we have now, right?"

"…"

I feel my lips curl upwards a bit hearing that. Kel might be naïve, but sometimes, his naivety is exactly what we need. He has always been the one that can cheer us up, even if it only lasts for a moment.

"And besides, we all have each other's phone numbers, yeah? We can always hit each other up anytime, so there's no need to worry."

It seems his efforts are working, as the mood starts to change slightly. Aubrey scratches her head, letting out a hearty sigh. "Heh, you're right about that one." Basil simply smiles with a faint blush, hugging his camera close to his chest. "That's right. No matter how far we may be, we will always be connected."

"See? Now everyone's happy. Just, don't go and pull a Sunny on us, okay?"

The other two simply laugh, and I could only bow my head in embarrassment. "Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry about that…"

"Don't worry, bro. It's just a joke…" The tanned boy winks at me before his face suddenly lightens up. "Anyway, since we're talking about dreams and stuff, want to do that thing in movies where they start shouting to the sky about their goals?"

The boy fidgets around as if trying to contain his excitement from bursting out. "Er, we might disturb the others, though." Basil tries to reason, his face broads with a frown.

"Come on, Basil. There's no one else here on this road but us. And even if there is, who cares? Let those wings of youth fly, baby!!" The boy crouches down as his hands frantically gather the snow on the ground, forming a snowball. All three of us do nothing but watch him, feeling dumbfounded by his sudden change in demeanour.

"Watch this," he says, before making a light run forward. As he throws the snowball far into the distance, a loud voice pierces through the silent air.

"I'M GOING TO BE THE BEST BASKETBALL PLAYER IN THE WORLD!!"

The snowball soars through the skies, landing on who-knows-where. Kel turns to face us, and he has never looked so satisfied as he is now. He motions his hands, encouraging us to do the same.

It looks fun and all, but to suddenly shout in public is not something I would rather do. It's a shame, but I have to pass on this one—

"HAAAH!!"

Every single thought in my head comes to a halt the moment I see Basil blitzing forward like a guy being chased by a goose, as his right-hand readies to launch a snowball into the air.

"I WANT TO OPEN A FLOWER SHOP OF MY OWN!!"

His voice is as ferocious as an angry chihuahua it almost makes me laugh, but his willingness to do such a thing is such a contrast to his timid personality, I can't help but be in awe. Even Kel is taken aback by his sudden outburst. "That's right, Basil! Scream as loud as you can!"

"…pant…pant…that felt really…good…"

"I know, right? C'mon, Aubrey! It's your turn."

"But I don't know what to say!"

"Just say anything you have in mind!"

The girl ponders for a moment, her feet lightly tapping the ground, before her face suddenly lightens up. Now, with a snowball in hand, she charges forward, shouting:

"YOU GUYS ARE SUCH…IDIOTS!!"

And with that, her snowball flies forward, hitting a tree in the process. The other guys clap their hands as they finally turn their heads to me. "Come on, Sunny! You're the only one left!"

"…"

A soft sigh escapes from my lips. Never in my years of seclusion had I imagined myself throwing snowballs while shouting my dreams for everyone to hear, with these people who I call my friends. Basking in the warm sunlight, enjoying whatever youth I have left…

Do I deserve this? Someone like me? After everything I did?

I…

"Yo! Hurry up, dude!"

"…"

"…coming!"

I still don't have an answer for that. But perhaps, just for this moment, I want to believe that I do deserve it. That I too can run towards the future, with my own two legs.

As for my future, I haven't thought about it yet. It all feels so distant and far away, so I never once have a moment to dwell on it. However, there is something else. Something that I want the whole world to know.

The cold winter wind hits my face as I dash towards my friends, now looking at me with excitement. Using all the strength in my body, I throw the snowball in my hand as far as I could, taking a deep breath, as I let out the loudest shout I ever had.

Aubrey. Basil. Kel. Their figures float in my mind. And I…

"I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!"

The ride back to the city is quiet as always, with passengers minding their own business, or simply sleeping away their tiredness. I sit by the windows, lazily resting my head on the cold glass, watching a few cars passing by as the night slowly spreads its reign. These three days of me here in Faraway went by in a flash. At first, I was scared that my visit here would be frowned upon. That I would be treated as an outsider, or even get rejected. But that didn't come to happen. Instead, I was treated like an old friend, just like any other. It's as if I never left this place.

A year ago, I would've never imagined me coming back to Faraway, of all places, to meet my old friends. The idea that my future life will be devoid of colour, decorated by the tall, intimidating buildings, blaring car horns, and the intoxicating smell of polluted air; I have accepted that kind of life.

However, I met new people in the city, created new bonds with them, and now successfully rekindling old ones. Bit by bit, my plain, monochrome life gradually gains more colour. Strokes of sadness, splashes of happiness; all of it combine to create a beautiful canvas, filled with memories, both good and bad. Playing games together with Kel, having the much-needed talk with Basil, fooling around with Aubrey's gang, even throwing snowballs around…

But among all these moments, few of them stand out from the rest. The pain I felt when downing those putrid orange-flavoured sodas, the frustration of making balloon models, the bittersweet feeling of nostalgia when playing the swings. All of those have something in common. What could it be?

"…"

Stifling a small chuckle, I lightly shake my head. Such a silly question, for the answer, is too obvious.

It has to be her, hasn't it? Her presence alone is enough to make all those struggles worth it. Because of her, I feel a bit stronger inside. Because of her, I am willing to try even more exciting things.

Because of her, I feel like I'm living my life.

The palpitations begin once more. Just imagining her is enough to induce such emotions in me. Even if I want to forget, my conscious wouldn't let me. It's as if she has taken a hold of my heart, claiming it as hers, making me yearn for her.

Her adorable, pretty face.

Her rough, yet gentle voice.

Her beautiful eyes.

Her long, silky hair.

Her genuine smile.

"…"

A question is randomly raised in my head. A question that I'm so familiar with, one that always comes when I'm being pushed into a corner. And now, it speaks to me, saying:

"What do you want?"

That image of her smiling at me flashes into my mind once more.

If before, I might struggle to come up with an answer. But now, I know exactly what I want.

I want to protect her smile. I want her to be happy, and to live a long, fulfilling life. Though we all left each other in the past, this time, I won't repeat the same mistakes. I want to be a better person, to fix all of my flaws, so that one day when the time comes, I can be with her.

I…want to be with her. Through the ups and downs of our life. Forever.

…

"Ugh, honestly…"

My face is heating up so bad, it's practically melting from this sheer embarrassment. What's with these prince-like thoughts? It's as if I'm declaring my vows or something.

Yet, that doesn't sound too bad, right?

For as long as I remember, this ever-present feeling is always there, lying dormant in my heart. It would come ablaze every time my eyes lay upon her. But I have always thought that she is someone far out of reach, that these feelings would only remain as such, and my dreams would never be realised. She and I. We both come from different worlds.

An energetic, outgoing girl who never backs down from anybody.

A quiet, timid boy who remains as an observer.

How these two opposites could ever come together?

I have accepted the outcome. She is someone that I could only watch from afar, and my feelings would never be reciprocated. That is how things have been. No matter how many times it resurfaced, it would be pushed back into my mind, brushing it off as just another puppy crush.

Even after the four years…

Even after we met in the cemetery…

Even after the text messages and the phone calls…

Even after we got together these last three days…

I told myself to never get hopeful and to simply move on.

But…

"…"

Now, I…

"…"

I can't hold it back any longer.

Ah, there's no use denying it now.

This feeling…it's no longer just a puppy crush.

I really do like—

No, that's not it. It's more than that.

I…

I am in love with Aubrey.

Bonus:

Few months back…

"Yo, Sunny. What's up with the long face?"

The eye-patched boy broke off from his daze, before looking at his friend. "Oh, Rudy. It's just…I'm thinking of buying new clothes."

"Really? I don't see you as someone who cares about fashion." The boy commented, feeling fairly surprised that someone, as reserved as Sunny, had this side of him. Perhaps there was more to him than meets the eye. "So, why are you feeling all moody? Short on cash this month?"

Sunny fidgeted around his wooden chair, wiping the hair bangs that covered his eye patch. "Not really. More like, I don't know what to buy. I'm unaware of what's trendy these days, so…"

"Hahaha, you worry too much, bro." Rudy let out a small chuckle, seeing his friend like this did hit his funny bone. "I honestly think you look good wearing anything, though."

"You're joking…"

"Hah, what made you say that?"

The both of them continued their small bickering, before a small touch on Rudy's shoulders snapped him out of it. It was so soft, so gentle, it almost tickled him. Almost. "Ah, done already?" He said, turning to face his girlfriend.

Hiyori nodded her head in response, waving her hand at Sunny in the process. "Yep, let's go."

"You two are going somewhere?"

"Yeah, we're going to the mall to check some clothes," Rudy answered, his voice sounding a bit giddy. Not long after, a bulb lit up in his head. "Oh yeah, why don't you join us?"

"Eh?"

"Of course! The two of us can help you choose one. Isn't that right, Hiyori?" The boy faced her, expecting her to be on his wavelength. But…

The girl simply smiled. Not a chuckle, nor a nod in agreement. Just a simple smile.

And yet, that harmless image somehow sent a cold shiver down Rudy's spine. He didn't know why, but his body reacted out of instinct. Even Sunny froze for a moment before he shook his head. "M-Maybe next time. I have things to do after this."

"Oh, okay then. See you tomorrow." And with that, Sunny went on his way, leaving Rudy to deal with…whatever mess he got himself into. "So…should we go now?"

"Yes. Let's."

Her voice was ice cold, so cold he felt a chilly breeze enter his ears. This has gone from bad to worse, he thought to himself.

…

The both of them were walking down the hallway, as they made towards the school gate, with Hiyori leading upfront, still not saying a single word. Rudy racked his brains out, trying to make sense of all this. She was fine a few minutes ago, but the moment he brought up Sunny, her whole demeanour changed. Well, when he asked to bring him along, to be exact.

Wait…could that mean…?

"Um, Hiyori?"

She continued her walk.

"Are you, um, mad that I wanted to bring Sunny along?"

"…"

Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks, finally turning to face him. Rudy readied himself for a face-ready-to-enter-a-warzone Hiyori, but instead…

"…hmph."

It was a pout. A very angry pout, as dangerous as a kitten.

And in an instant, Rudy felt a huge wave of relief inside. Everything fell quickly into place, much like a student finally figuring out the solution to that one complicated maths problem. "I-I'm sorry, Hiyori! It was supposed to be a date, but then I invited someone else. I just wanted to help him out, so I figured that I could…you know…" He clasped his hands together, begging for forgiveness. Hiyori can be quite scary at times, as gentle and reserved as she is.

And finally, the girl spoke to him. "It's not like I don't understand where you're coming from. You're a caring person, and I like that about you…" Rudy's heart almost skipped a beat hearing that. But not long after, her angry face returned full force. "But I'm still mad about it, okay?"

Oh well, he can't win everything in life. "Then, what should I do to make up for it?" He sighed. Hiyori eyed him up and down, giving him a serious, observant look before stepping closer to him. "Well…"

"…you're going to wear the clothes I choose for you today. How's that sound?" She suggested with a sly look on her face.

"Please, don't let it be weird."

"No promises~ Now c'mon, let's go!"

Not leaving a chance to rebound, Hiyori grabbed Rudy by the hand and ran towards the exit, earning grunts from nearby students and teachers. "Whoa, slow down! You're really excited for this, are you?"

"Of course!" She looked back at him, with her dark-brown eyes shining brightly, akin to an innocent child. "Whenever I'm with you, even simple things like shopping becomes fun!"

Her words brought a blush to Rudy's cheeks. Seeing Hiyori this excited and happy filled his heart with glee. Not wanting to be left behind, he regained his footing and began to run alongside her, as wide smiles were drawn on their faces. Their hands remain intertwined, not wanting to let go.  

Even boring days like these became more special with you around.

Chapter Text

"Man, I'm not feeling so good…"

"What's wrong? Are you alright?"

"No, my stomach is acting up again…damn it, this is already the third time…"

"You go on. I'll handle the cashier."

"You sure? It can get quite stressful, you know…"

"It's okay, I think I can do it."

"Thanks, Sunny. I'll be going now…ugh…"

I say all that, but being a cashier is still a huge pain in the ass. Not only do you have to be efficient in handling the machines-some of its instructions are extremely in detail, but you also need to deal with customers, all with their own sets of problems. Some take years to decide on an order, others are way too picky with their food. If that's how they're going to act, why not cook it yourself? Well, whatever. Let's just hope today goes on smoothly…

Never mind. The customers that just come through the door ruin it. If it isn't Mike and his stupid friends. Of all the times they could come, they choose the one where I'm the cashier. What sort of bad luck do I have right now? This is going to be a long day.

"Yo, I'm starving as fuck, right now! Feel like I could eat the whole damn menu."

"Of course, you would, fat boy. You eat anything you suit fancy."

"Hey, watch your mouth! I'm not fat, I'm big-boned."

They sure are loud, but at least they have some sense of humour. Surely, they're going to recognise the cashier any moment now. Or, maybe fate is on my side, today?

"Anyway, give me Set A with fries, extra-large and…whoa, isn't that you, shorty!?"

And there it is. I guess not many workers out there who wear an eye patch like me. "Hah, can't believe you work here. Desperate for some cash, eh?" One of the guys asks-or shouts, to be precise. I'm not deaf, idiot. No need to be so loud.

"Y-Yeah…" I force out a smile. Remember, Sunny. They're customers. "What would you like to order?"

One of them suddenly tries to reach for the cashing machine. Oh no, that's bad news. "Hey, I always wonder how these things work. Mind if I check it?"

"Hey, you can't touch that…"

"What, you think I'm going to steal or something? You want to fight, shorty?" I internally sigh. Why does everything have to go like this?

Things are about to turn bad, but much to my surprise, he got hit by none other than…Mike? "What the hell, man? You got a problem or something!?" He winces, but Mike only gives him a disappointing glare. "That's enough, asshole. We're not here to cause trouble."

All of them give him a weird look, and even my jaw crashes to the floor. Mike, the school bully, the delinquent, suddenly plays the moral ground? What's next, Aubrey has feelings for me too?

Mike clears his throat. "You guys go and sit, I'll handle this," He says, then turns to face me. "Anyway, give us the…"

…

Damn, they do eat a lot. I am struggling a bit to compute this many orders, but Mike seems not to notice anything, or at least, he chooses not to. "The total would be thirty dollars," I mention the price, yet the feelings of unease still latch behind my back. We both have an ugly history between us, and I can't help but feel he's hiding something up in his sleeves. Any moment now, and he's going to pull something bad.

But he didn't. The only thing he pulls is his worn-down wallet, handing me a few dollar bills. His face doesn't show any hint of malice. Pretty creepy. "Here you go."

I take the money from his hands, manually checking the amount, and…

"Oh, sorry. You still need around three dollars."

"What? Shit, hold on…" Mike opens his wallet again, but it seems that is all he has left. "Fuck, what should I do…" He lightly curses. "Why not ask for your friends to pitch in?" I ask. Mike blinks his eyes at me, looking a bit flabbergasted before he brings his face down. "It's my turn to treat them today, and I just know they don't have a single penny with them." He shamefully replies.

Seeing him cowering like that almost draws a smile to my face. Just what should I do with this guy, I wonder. I can report him to the office, and leave him to deal with the troubling stuff by himself. Perfect revenge for all those times he treated me at school. He then shall know how does it feels like to be on the other side.

I wish I could be as cruel as that. But…

"It's alright."

"…huh?"

I lean in closer, before whispering, "No need to pay the remaining ones, I'll deal with it, somehow."

"But, that's…" Mike tries to refute back but I flash him a small wink in return. "It's okay. Now go, before they see us."

Humans have a variety of emotions, and I get to see all of them transitioning from one to another on Mike's face. From confusion to relief, then regret. "…thank you." He whispers before he hurriedly walks to his seat.

The boss is going to chew me if he finds this out, but even if he does, it's whatever at this point. I don't want things to escalate further just because the customer couldn't pay a measly three bucks. Yeah, that's probably the reason why I did that.

…

Well, that was an interesting one. It's good nothing bad happened for now. Being a cashier might be not as hard as I thought it was. Although, I would rather prefer dealing with random strangers, instead of people that I know. That would be awkward as hell…

"Whoa, if it isn't the one-eyed boy himself!"

Well, this is a surprise. Who would've thought Daniel and his group, the ones that invited me for karaoke once, could be coming here, today? "Yo, Sunny. Looking good in that outfit." He flashes me a grin, the kind where girls are supposed to squeal seeing one, according to those drama shows, at least.

"Daniel? How do you know I work here?"

"Oof, that sounds like you don't want me to be here…anyway, your friend here told us. I asked him about your workplace, and he led us here. " As he says that, a familiar face pops out from the group, giving me a nervous-looking smile. Of course, it's him. Who else could it be? "Rowan…"

"Hey, don't get angry, bro. Can't you see I'm trying to help here?" He says while re-adjusting his flower pin. I let out a big sigh in return. "Anyway, what do you want?"

…

"Here's your change."

"Thanks, and oh, by the way, is your shift ending soon?" Daniel suddenly asks.

"Yeah, it is. Why?" I ask back.

"Sweet. We're planning to go bowling after this. Wanna join us? Rowan's going to be there, too."

"Oh, so you’re doing bowling now?"

"Well, it's either that or karaoke and the majority speaks for itself. So, how about it? The last time I asked you, you were busy, so…"

Bowling, huh? I did see that sport on TV once, and it piqued my interest. Perfect chance to do something I had never done before. And besides, Rowan’s going to be there, so it won’t be as awkward as I fear it would. Wonder what the atmosphere's going to be like? It's going to be noisy, of course. But I guess it doesn't matter if everyone's having fun.

This is embarrassing. Since when do I become more willing to hang out with people? I still would prefer to stay at home, but now, I can even tolerate the idea of socializing with others. The old me would've crumbled upon the thought of going outside.

It took many months, but slowly, I feel myself changing for the better.

"Yeah, I'll join." I accept his invitation with a smile. Daniel beams back, hitting me with a light fist bump. "That's what I want to hear!" He then turns to his group, telling them the news. "He's coming, guys."

"Heh, that's surprising. I guess he may not look as boring as I thought," One of the girls among them speak up, flashing me a small wink. "No offense, of course. But you look so scary, sometimes."

Feeling embarrassed, I lightly rub the back of my head. I have to work on that, someday.

The smell of burnt charcoals lingers around the kitchen, messing with our senses of smell. Mom blankly stares at the fried rice in front of her, her lips remain shut for the last twenty seconds, unintentionally raising the tension. She takes a spoonful, slowly munching the food before she finally swallows it with a gulp. "It tastes…alright. The rice is a bit burnt, and it's also a bit salty, but overall, you did great, Sunny. You pass!" She claps both her hands, but somehow, even with her praises, I'm still not satisfied with the result.

"…"

"Oh, cheer up, dear. This is good! Compared to your previous attempts, this is a huge improvement." She tries to convince me, as she takes another spoonful. "Just remember to not use high heat, okay?" 

"But…it doesn't taste like how you do it, Mom. And it looks different, too." I don't understand. I did everything as she said, and yet, it just felt…off. I made sure to use the exact amount of ingredients, too.

Mom lets out a dry sigh in return. "Oh, don't worry about it too much, Sunny. You're still a beginner, so of course, you're not going to nail everything the first time. And besides, you're just cooking for yourself. It's not like you're in a five-star hotel or anything."

I roughly blow air out of my nose. Certainly, she's right in what she said. But still, there's nothing wrong with wanting to do everything perfectly. Why settle for less when you can go for more?

"You know, you're just like Mari sometimes."

Feeling surprised, I raise my head to look at her. "When she started cooking, she was exactly like you. Trying to follow everything in the exact order, making sure all the ingredients were accurate, even getting upset when it didn't look like the one on the cookbook," Mom's eyes drop to the side as if she's reminiscing. "The girl can be quite stubborn, sometimes. You're just cooking for the family, no need for it to be perfect."

I remain silent hearing that. Mari…was like me too, back then? I guess it made sense, since we were both siblings and all, so we shared some similar traits. For as long as I remember, Mari has always been great with her cooking, especially her cookies, so it's a surprise to hear this side of her.

My eye draws onto the fried rice. If Mari's still here, I could let her taste my cooking. How would she react, I wonder? She probably would send me her usual smirk, teasing about my sudden interest in cooking, saying how I'm trying to impress someone.

"…"

In the end, those are all mere speculations. What she will exactly say, I will never know.

"Oh, by the way," Mom suddenly interrupts the silence. "Have you been getting into drawing, recently?"

I raise my eyebrows, feeling confused. "Why do you ask me that?"

"Oh no, it's just…I was in your room the other day, and I noticed your notebook was left open…"

My fingers suddenly lose their grip on the spoon, letting it fall onto the golden rice. The realisation hit me in the face, along with the sudden burning in my ears, as if someone lit up a candle right next to it, making my stomach churn.

"And I saw many drawings of this one girl…"

"A-A-A…" I want to fight her back, but the only thing that comes out of my mouth are garble noises. All hope is lost, for what's left is despair on this slowly, decaying earth. Mankind has surrendered to whatever fate has in store for them, as they wait for their impending doom.

"Hehe, it's alright, Sunny. You're at that age, after all. Mommy understands." Mom attacks relentlessly with her smug tone, no doubt Mari got it from her. Curse you, past me. Why did I forget to hide the notebook away? Now, she knows everything about my dark secrets. How can I face her now?

"…"

Well, at least she doesn't know who that girl is. I can just tell her that it's one of my classmates. That should shut her curiosity down—

"Say, that girl looks a lot like Aubrey, right? With her pink hair, and her contacts, and all. Why her, of all people? Is it for drawing practice? Or maybe…"

"…"

Mom suddenly leans closer, with her growing smug aura mocking me. "Could it be, that you like her?"

That's it, I've reached my limit.

I immediately jump from my seat, grab my plate, and hastily move toward my room. "I'm eating in my room!" I shout out, before I slam the door shut, as the last thing I hear is my mother's snickering laugh.

Yeah, really funny. Too bad I'm not laughing, though.

I don’t even want to go out today. It’s Sunday, and I would rather enjoy the remaining hours of the weekend before having to wake up early tomorrow. But Mom’s constant nagging of me not using the bicycle I bought is torture even worse than hell, and I would rather face the fury of the sun than her.

Thanks to my part-time job, I was able to land on a bicycle of my own, though it’s not the sporty one most of the kids here use. It’s the classic granny bike, and I can feel my face starts to wrinkle each time I ride it. Even some of my classmates tease me about it, calling me ‘grandpa’ every time they see me entering the school grounds. Well, excuse me if my taste is different from the norm.

When I first bought the bicycle, I made a vow to ride it at least three times a week, but of course, that burning spirit slowly faded away as time passes. My ears have grown numb from Mom scolding me of not using it often. Make use of that money you spent, she said. And so, here I am, cycling towards a particular park near my apartment, being cautious of the few passing cars while admiring the blooming flowers.

Fifteen minutes have passed since I started, and my body really could use some break time. Luckily, a small playground is nearby, so I can take a short rest there. Though, it looks like it has seen better days…

I feel like the world's happiest man the moment I land my butt onto the vacant swing seat. "Finally, no more exercising..." I sigh out loud, wiping the dripping sweat on my forehead. Getting tired quickly just from cycling alone really tells of how low my fitness level is. I should probably work on that…

…not. Next month, maybe.

As I enjoy the quiet, serene air breezing through, a loud phone ringtone almost pushes the soul out of my body. Who the hell could be calling me at this time? I take the phone out of my pocket, and the number displayed on the screen is none other than…

"…!"

This is bad. Just seeing her name alone is enough to make my heart skip a beat. A few months have flown by since my last visit, and we did have the occasional call sessions together, just asking what's up. But it's different than talking to her face-to-face. Do I really miss her that much?

"I'm so bored out of my mind. Save me." Aubrey whines through the phone speaker, yet her voice is soothing enough to wash away the fatigue in my body. How does she do it? "Don't you have your job today?" I reply.

"Yeah, but it's sooo freaking boring. Nothing exciting ever happens over here." She complains while stifling a yawn.

"How about the others?"

"Kim's doing something with her family, Basil's busy with his work, and talking to Kel already made my head spin."

I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. An image of a bored Aubrey with her tired eyes, as her entire face rests on a table, slowly melting like an ice cube almost produces a laugh in me. "And, you never think that I, too, may be busy?" I try to be sassy with her. It's not fun being teased often, after all.

Her voice somehow sounds calmer than before. "Yeah but, you always make time for me. I can always rely on you for that."

"…"

"…Hellooo? Sunny, you there?"

"Y-Yeah, sorry. The line is a bit…unclear, yeah…" Damn, that was a deadly attack. I almost died there.

"You got anything interesting to tell? It's the city, something weird must happen there."

"Well, I can tell you about this one time at my school…"

"Uuu, tell me more…"

…

How much time has passed, I wonder? Has it been five or ten minutes since then? I can't tell, though, I guess that is the least of my concern. She always has this effect on me, making me unaware of anything else except for her, as if she wants me to only look at her and no one else. How selfish, and yet it’s also partly my fault for falling for her trap. I can’t help myself. Her voice sounds so soothing, so addictive, like a loving whisper or even a soft lullaby. She can talk for hours and hours, and I would never find it boring. If only this would last forever…     

The sounds of leaves being stepped on snap me from my daze, as I notice someone approaching. It would be so embarrassing if anyone catches me being over the moon. "Sorry, Aubrey. I have to go right now. Talk to you later." I hastily apologise. Luckily, she catches on quickly. "Oh, okay. Thanks for spending time with me, Sunny."

And with that, that moment of bliss comes to an end. I turn my head towards my right, checking who this stranger might be, and…

"Hiyori! What are you—oh, Sunny?"

"Hey, Rudy. What's up?" I greet my blue-haired friend. He seems to be in a casual mood today. Even his white T-shirt and beige pants scream 'casual'. "Didn't expect to see you here. Sorry, I thought you were Hiyori for a moment, there." He bashfully rubs his head, now sitting on a swing set right beside me. "Going on another date?" I show him a teasing smile. Rudy's been going on tons of dates lately, no wonder he's been in a good mood.

The boy displays a small, faint blush on his face. "No, not today. I'm just having a walk around. You?"

"Cycling."

Rudy suddenly bursts into laughter, as if he just heard the funniest joke ever. "You, wanting to exercise!? I thought you hated doing those stuff!"

"W-Well, it’s just one of those days…" I timidly reply. So embarrassing, getting teased by freaking Rudy, of all people. He wipes the tears off his eyes for laughing too much, slowly catching up to his breath. "Anyway, that's good, bro! It can get tiring at first, but as long as you stay consistent, you should be fine."

"…" I take a glance at my tired legs.

"…you are planning to stay consistent, right?" Rudy asks in a deadpan voice. Feeling desperate, I try to change the subject. "I wonder what happened to this playground? Everything looks old, especially that see-saw there." I lift my index finger towards it; its seat is broken to pieces. It feels a bit sad, to see a happy place for children to have fun, now looks as if it is abandoned.

He nods his head in reply. "Yeah, guess the community service doesn't seem to care anymore." He silently stares into the old slide, watching its color fade away. Even the swings produce a creaking sound as I lightly move them.

"About the seesaw, you want to know who broke it?" Rudy asks out of the blue. I shake my head in return.

"…me."

I almost choke on my saliva hearing that. "You?"

"Yeah. It was years since then, but I was strong enough to break it, though my legs were about to fall off after doing that." He chuckles while wiping the bangs from his forehead. "Why would you do something like that?" I blurt out.

"That's…a long story." His face drops down saying that, and my interest immediately withers away. Guilt begins to seep in, as Rowan's warning rang back in my mind, of how Rudy was a bit touchy when it comes to his past. Even during the budding days of our friendship, I can tell he has tons of secrets that have yet to be told. To say that I'm at least not a bit curious is a lie in itself, but there are boundaries that I have to respect, even if we're friends.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me. I understand." I apologise to him, and the both of us become silent once more, watching the flowers being fluttered by the wind.

"…"

"Say, Sunny?" Rudy brings up a question. "How long have we been friends?"

I look at him, before answering, "More than a year, I think."

His peach-coloured contacts dilate in surprise. "Wow, a year!? It feels like just yesterday we met at that arcade. Do you remember? Rowan was about to destroy that machine had you not come in."

"Yeah. And then, you guys came by my house to have a sleepover."

"I still can't forget that one time you pissed off that one girl. Pretty ballsy move, there."

"Please, don't bring that one up."

Under the blooming flowers of spring, both of us share a hearty laugh, reminiscing of times past. Why am I feeling so peaceful, all of a sudden? The fatigue from the exercise has been washed away, and my breathing slowly rises and lowers into a steady rhythm. Rudy is there beside me, and I can't help but wonder if he too, feels this sense of serenity as I do. I glance at him, and his hands are holding the swing chains, while his eyes are gently closed. If I don't know any better, I might assume Rudy has fallen asleep, with how calm his face looks.

"I'm glad we're both friends, Sunny…" He then slowly opens his eyes, though it looks a bit sad. "…but I don't know if we will still be after you know what I did."

That last part catches me off guard. "What do you mean?"

Rudy slightly tilts his head towards me. "I used to be a horrible kid, back then. Rude, angry, violent, you name it. A spitting image of what a rebellious delinquent is."

I have a bad feeling about where this conversation's going. "Rudy, wait. You don't need to tell me if it's making you uncomfortable." Even after I voice my concerns, the boy lets out a small laugh, shaking his head. "It's alright. We've been friends for a while now, and it's only fair that I tell you, since Rowan knows too."

"Oh, I see…" I'm not sure what to feel about this. I'm happy, of course, that Rudy is willing to talk to me about it, but at the same time, curiosity kills the cat, and it is better to be in blissful ignorance. But right now, he trusts me enough to share his secrets, so the least I could do is by repaying that. "Thank you, Rudy."

He gives out a light hum. "For what?"

"For trusting me."

"Oh, it's no big deal. I should be thanking you for wanting to listen." Rudy takes a deep breath, as I tentatively wait for him to begin. "Where do I start…"   

A family of five sat together at the dining table, with plates filled with homemade pasta in front of them, ready to be eaten. The dinner session went in silence as sounds of spoons scratching the ceramic plates filled the air. A mother, a father, and their three kids all together, enjoying each other's presence. A small, yet happy family; the American dream come true.

But for the young Rudy, it was a beginning of a recurring nightmare.

The father began a conversation. "I heard the exam results are already released. Mind sharing it with all of us?"

The three siblings looked among themselves, all of them mentally sighing up to the heavens. The older sister spoke first. "Dad, didn't we already show it to you? Why do you want us to say it again?"

"I don't see any harm in it, right?" He simply replied. Something about his low, calm voice that made Rudy's ears itched, as if the words themselves had sharp claws, scratching the insides of his ears. He never liked it. He never had. 

"I…got mostly A's. A slight improvement from the last one, except for Biology. That one's a B." The sister answered reluctantly.

"Oh, that's great! Just what I expected from you, Grace," He flashed a small smile, as he turned to face the older brother. "Samuel?"

The brother gave a quick reply. "Some A's, some B's. Pretty much the same as last one."

The father nodded his head in return. "I see. Good to see both of you are performing so well in exams. Guess all of that money we put into your tuitions didn't go to waste, hmm?" He produced a small laugh, with a wide, prideful smile drawn on his face.

Yet it looked forced all the same.

"…um, Dad? Aren't you going to ask Rudy?" asked the older brother.

The father blankly looked at Samuel. The kitchen became silent.

"…why should I?"

"…"

Sounds of metal scratching on the plate filled the air.

How ironic of him to wear that stupid smile and to simply throw it away like trash when the younger brother is brought up. He didn't even bother lifting his head to look at him.

"But Dad, Rudy's scores have been better, lately. He got C for Maths, a huge improvement from before," Grace tried to reason with him. "Right, Rudy?"

"…since when a C is considered good, anyway?"

His cruel words reverberated in Rudy's ears.

The older siblings began to feel restless, even the mother gave her husband a worrying glare, as the warm atmosphere slowly faded away, though it was never there, to begin with.

Sounds of metal screeching on the plate filled the air.

"Oi, Rudy. Tell Dad about that time you scored a goal during P.E. It was a last-minute goal too." The older brother produced a small laugh, desperately trying to salvage whatever hope they had left to somehow lessen this heavy air hanging around them.

"…he's not going to go anywhere with those terrible grades."

"…"

Yet even more silence. Rudy felt sick.

"Dear, why are you—"

"Can't you try mimicking your older siblings for a change, hmm?" The father put his spoon down and finally turned his head to Rudy, but not for the reasons he wanted. "I spent loads of money for you, sent you to the same tuition your brother and sister went, and this is how you repay me?"

Rudy sealed his lips shut as he scooped the pasta into his mouth, trying to savour its taste with each bite. Though he tried to remain calm, the slight shaking from his fingers gripping the spoon betrayed him. Everyone had their limits, and Rudy was reaching his.

"That's enough for now, dear. It's not good to talk ill in front of the food." The mother used her gentle voice to calm her husband. She always tried to defend her youngest son, but there was so much a mother could do. 

The father scoffed as a response. "You people are the reason he became such a brat. 'Oh, let's give him a chance,' 'Don't go so hard on him.' And after all that, he still failed to get good marks? If he just stopped fooling around and took his studies seriously, we wouldn't even be having this conversation."

"Rudy tried hard, Dad. Just give him some time." Grace intervened.

"…well, he's not trying hard enough, then."

"…"

"…"

The older siblings simply stared at the ground, their faces strained, feeling uneasy about the heavy air weighing them down.

Finally, Rudy's innermost feelings slipped out from his lips. "I didn't ask for this…"

"What did you just say to me?"

SLAM!!

"I SAID I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS, YOU FU—"

"RUDY!"

His brother's shouts put Rudy's sudden outburst to a halt. He felt his hands still shaking from slamming the table, even spilling some of the food. A part of him told him how wrong he was, but Rudy couldn't care less. He had it enough, especially with him.

The father, still nonchalant as ever, simply got up from the chair and walked away, without uttering a single word. The mother then followed suit, silently mouthing an apology to the siblings.

Another family gathering ended with a slam on the table. What's new?

…

Rudy laid on his bed, impatiently waiting for sleep's embrace, but the feelings lingering in his mind were not something he could simply sleep off. It was not the drowsiness that kicked in him, instead it was the itch that grew in his heart, as his father's words kept stinging him, agitating him even further. Rudy turned over, burying his head into the fabrics of his pillow in hopes that he would slip into his dreams, but…

"…he's not going anywhere with those terrible grades..."

Such a shame. That football match was something he was proud of. He might be not as smart or as talented as his siblings, but there was something that he was, at least, decent at. Realising all this, a glimmer of hope sparked in his heart. That maybe, just maybe, his father would finally pat him on the back.

But of course, that didn't happen.

If this was the first time, his pillow would've been dampened by his tears, but unfortunately, moments like this were too many to count.

He shouldn't have joined the others for dinner.

A low creaking sound snapped Rudy from his thoughts. He lifted his head, only to find his brother, looking at him with worry.

"Hey, Rudy…you okay, there?"

Rudy didn't answer back.

"Look. About back then, don't worry about it too much, okay? You know how Dad can be sometimes…" He tried to reach for Rudy, only to find his hand slapped away by the younger sibling. "Easy for you to say. He only loved you two. He won't even look at me."

The brother remained silent. It was not Rudy's intention to offend him in any way. His siblings have always tried to defend him every time their father went into a fit. But deep down, it was irritating. To see them excel in every subject, earning praises from everyone like prodigies. How blissful it must feel. To be loved by everyone. To have people kiss the ground you walked on as if you're a king.

"Rudy…I know it must be hard for you. Honestly, Dad shouldn't have said those things. For now, just hold it together, okay? I'm sure he will open up, someday."

"…"

Hold it together, huh…

Rudy only gave out a slight hum in response. He knew how empty those words were, yet what more could his brother do? They didn't know how did it feel like to be compared. At the end of the day, he was just not good enough. Why can't everyone see this? Why can't his father see this? As if Rudy was in a glass box; he saw others, but no matter how hard he knocked the glass or how loud he shouted, none of them heard him. 

Poor Rudy. The boy who wanted attention, yet none were giving him any.

"So anyway, about the game that I mentioned, why not we go to the cybercafe this afternoon? We can play there as long as we want."

"You sure that four-eyed guy would let us in? Remember our last time there? You broke the keyboard for getting too angry, Will. And he kicked us out!"

The boy named Will clicked his tongue while waving his ice cream in the air, looking slightly irritated. "It's not my fault the keyboard's too shitty to use. And your stupid comments were distracting, so don't put all the blame on me, Zack!"

"Hah, classic Will. It's always the other people's fault and never yours. Just say that you're bad at games, bro. No one's going to judge you…I think."

"Fuck off, Jamie. I didn't ask for your opinion."

The three of them howled like a pack of hyenas to the point where it annoyed the others in the playground, though that was the norm for them. Typical boy groups, one might even say. Loud, brash, and overall rude. A period in life where breaking and violating the rules is considered cool and edgy. A perfect representation of adolescence.

Will attempted a long throw of his ice cream wrapper into a garbage bin.

It missed. He didn't bother to pick it up, of course.

The other two laughed even louder, before noticing someone not joining them. "Rudy, the hell is wrong with you? You sick or something?" Zack lightly tapped his shoulders, followed by Jamie chipping in. "Yeah, usually you're the loudest when it comes to games."

Indeed, it was weird. Rudy had remained silent, and he was far from being a silent type of boy. His face looked lost, pondering over something. There were lots of things in his mind, yet he wondered whether he could be honest with them.

Zack, Will, and Jamie. It was at this playground that Rudy met them back when they were kids, and somehow, they became friends. They were not what society called 'exemplary', but it was nice to have them around. It was a moment of escapism for Rudy, to escape whatever demonic thoughts that held over his mind.

Which made it even harder to be honest around them.

A loud sigh escaped from his lips. "No, it's just…about my parents, again."

"…"

The three of them looked absolutely done.

"Seriously, bro?"

"Here we go again."

"Way to bring the mood down."

Rudy gritted his teeth. That honestly hurt. "You're the one that asks me about it."

"You're right," Will scoffs in return. "We shouldn't have asked."

"What does that supposed to mean?"

 "It's always the same shit with you, man. It's either your grades or your parents. Like, dude, move on already. Everyone has their shit to deal with. Man the fuck up, bro."

Man up...

Zack hit him on the back, making him wince from the pain. "Okay, Will. That's going too far," The long-haired boy warned him, before turning to Rudy. "Look, man. I get it. It's rough out there, with your parents and all. But don't you think you're being pretty overdramatic over all of this?"

Am I? Rudy repeated that question in his head. Certainly, it looked like he was making a fuss out of nothing. Getting bad grades? No big deal. Everyone had those days, so just move on like any other person would, right?

But to be mocked about it? By his father, no less? And to face it every single time? How much more could a person endure?…

Seeing Rudy being mute, Zack brought his arm across his shoulders, giving him a light shake. "C'mon, cheer up, already. Don't think too hard about that stuff. We're still fifteen! Leave those boring stuff when we get older. Let's just go to the café, and I'm sure you're going to forget all this in no time."

Rudy replied with a small smile, yet he couldn't help but wonder the number of times this has happened between them. Was he really annoying them with his usual rants? Were his feelings didn't matter at all? He didn't feel safe in his home, not even with those he called his friends.

"…"

Whatever. Perhaps keeping it together was the correct decision, after all. Spending time with them has always helped him to forget his problems, even if for just a moment. "You're paying for the drinks, yeah?" He snickered.

"Oh, now you're just taking advantage of my kindness." Zack let out a fake tear.

"Let's get a move on, before Andy and his stupid goons come here." Jamie spoke up, brushing up the dirt from his pants.

"You're right. Don't want to get trouble with those assholes." Will responded as the four of them began their way out of the park.

Yet another failed test.

This time it was Maths, the one subject where Rudy thought he had improved. He was baffled, to say the least. The question was fairly easy, or so he thought. He remembered how he was the earliest one to walk out of the class for finishing it early, finding it amusing how even the smartest ones looked like they were struggling. Did the teachers somehow make a mistake marking it, or maybe they handed him the wrong paper? Or perhaps, he overestimated himself. That couldn't be, right?

"Damn, you failed again. Didn't know you could be this stupid." Will gave him a light nudge, snickering.

"Screw you, asshole. This is bad!" Rudy cried. Will rolled his eyes in response. "Oh, don't worry so much, bro. There's always next time."

But that was not what made Rudy worry. Oh no, it was far from that.

…

Here he was, standing before his father for what felt like an eternity, as his eyes were glued to the test papers, not even showing an ounce of emotion, except for the overwhelming dread that loomed all over the house. Rudy wondered what sort of reaction would he give. Throw the test paper at his face? Yell at him for being a stupid, useless brat?

"You really had the nerve to come back here and show me this, fully knowing of your results?"

That was the last thing Rudy heard before he felt a sharp pain land on his face, as he found himself lying on the ground, his hand instinctively rubbing his cheek.

"Don't test me, brat!" A loud voice growled before him, earning shrieks from his mother, as she kneeled beside Rudy, holding him tight. "This is your child, dear! How could you hit him!?" She fearfully cried.

"Hit him? This is nothing compared to what I had to endure when I was his age! Being hit just because I came home late, being tied at a nearby tree for failing a subject once; it's because of said punishments that I can be where I am today!"

"Even so…!"

His father became more agitated. "And why are you on his side? You and I wasted tons of money for him, and he wasted it all for some stupid games and football boots! Can't you see that!?"

Rudy felt the tears threatening to leak from his eyelids, his ears flared up like never before. He never cried from being yelled at, since it was something that he got used to. But this time, his father…slapped him. It was the first time for him to do so.

It hurts. It hurts a lot.

Samuel and Grace joined in, and even they looked petrified. "Stop it, Dad! Rudy doesn't deserve this." They both begged, only to be met with a glare. "You two stay out of this. Kids these days have been getting too soft and weak, no wonder the current generation is so spoiled and rotten!"

His chest rose up and down, and his entire body froze up until a single line of thought crossed his mind.

Run.

And so, he did. He bolted out of his house, ignoring the screams and shouts of his mother. He didn't know where his legs were bringing him, only that he needed to be somewhere, just anywhere away from his home.

Not like it felt like one.

…

Rudy found himself at the playground. Of course, he would be here. After all, this was his haven. Away from the stress at home. Away from his father's anger.

"Damn it…"

He felt powerless to even stop his tears from falling. Why did things have to go this way? Was he wrong for being born stupid and talentless, unlike his older siblings? All he wanted was for people to praise him, his father to love him, and everyone to look at him. Was that too much to ask?

A failure in his father's eyes. Siblings that were too smart for him to catch up. Friends that wouldn't bother to at least listen to him…

He hated it. He hated it. He hated it.

"DAMN IT ALL!!"

He found himself kicking the trash bin, watching it roll on the ground. He found himself kicking the see-saws, smashing it with his legs till it got numb. Even if it bleeds, he didn't care. No one will anyway, so why even bother?

He kicked it harder.

And harder.

And harder.

Just to see how much it could bleed.

Just to see if anyone would care.

…

No one did.

"Whoa, what do we have here?"

A voice came from behind. Rudy turned back, and his face dropped. He didn't like what he saw, not one bit. A group of five approached him, and judging from their hairstyles and their punk-like clothes, they were not the kind to raise charity by selling lemonade during summer break. It was Andy's goons, a bunch of good-for-nothing teenagers who had nothing better to do than cause trouble.

The day just turned for the worse.

"If you want to break shit up, do it elsewhere. We're going to use this park, so get lost!" One of them threatened Rudy, as they slowly ganged up on him. Rudy's legs began to give out, coming to realise the situation he dug himself into.

"Damn, this dude is crying? What got you so angry like that?"

"Where are your friends, huh? Or are you one of those lonely kids?"

Rudy felt a chill running down his spine. He needed to run, but his body didn't listen, frozen by fear. These people were not the type to mess around with, and even if he challenged them head-on, it was a five-against-one battle; a death wish, to be precise. And still, knowing all that, his legs didn't budge a single inch.

And so, he left his fate to chance. "Don't get close!" He warned them, though his voice didn't sound as convincing as he hoped to be. "If you do, I'll…"

"You'll do what?" One of them mocked his bravery, as four of them began to surround him, rendering escape useless. "Fight us? Hah, there's five of us, and one of you."

"Trying to be a hero, huh? I think this guy needs a reality check. How about it, boys?" Rudy raised his fists, readying a fighting stance to mask his fear.

His fate was sealed, before a stern voice came from behind, delaying the inevitable outcome. "That's enough, guys. No need to scare him like that." The goons stopped to a halt as if they were charmed by it. Rudy blinked once, and an average-sized, bald boy walked up to him, his face was like a predator hunting its prey. A notable scar on his lips, and his sapphire blue eyes, piercing through anyone upon meeting its gaze; at least, it felt that way to Rudy. There was no doubt about it. That had to be their group leader, Andy.

"Quite a mess you did here," He commented as he landed his eyes on the scattered litter and the broken see-saws. "You got dumped or something?"

The other boys stifled a chuckle hearing that. "What does it matter to you, anyway?" Rudy hissed.

"You're right. It doesn't matter to me whether you broke your hand or your leg," His blood boiled hearing this guy talk. "But you almost trashed the whole damn place, all by yourself. There has to be a big reason behind all this."

"…"

"C'mon, don't need to be so tensed up like that. You're making me kind of nervous, here."

"I-I don't want trouble. I'll even get out of your hair, so please…leave me alone." Rudy pleaded, feeling his courage wavering bit by bit.

"That won't do, I'm afraid. You see, we're just going to use this park, but seeing it in this state just ruins our evening. And whose fault do you think that is?" Andy's growl rippled in his ears, as he felt all of his bravery get thrown out of the window. Once more, his actions became his undoing.

Rudy fell to his knees, surrendering himself to whatever these guys were going to do to him before he felt a light touch land on his shoulders. "What made you do this? Is it…something that frustrates you for so long? Something that you kept inside and you just can't hold back anymore?"

"…!"

 What was going on? Here he was, waiting for these goons to relocate his jaw, but this guy was…consoling him? He sounded so irritating, yet the things he said were spot on. How did he know all of this? Was it that obvious? Or perhaps, he too, went through the same as he did?

"It's okay, you can tell me. I'll listen."

"..."

"…"

"…"

"…I just don't get it. What more do they want from me? No matter how hard I try, I'll never be as smart, or as bright as they hoped for, so why can't they understand that? Why can't they accept that I'm just not good enough? I'm sick of being compared to everyone as if everything I did was pointless."

Rudy didn't know why, but his words flowed like a river, and he couldn't stop it. This guy was a total stranger, but somehow, he felt like he could talk to him for hours and hours. For once, he felt like he was being listened to. For once, he felt like he was understood.

"They keep telling me to man up, to keep it together, but they don't know how it feels like to be compared. To work so hard just to please them, only to have them dismiss you just because you didn't meet their expectations. I don't ask for much. Just a simple 'you did great' or even a pat on the back is good enough. I know it's fucking childish, and yet, I…"

For once, he felt like he wasn't being ignored.

…

It had been a long time since Rudy felt this huge amount of relief as if a weight has been lifted off his chest. However, there was still that seed of anxiety in his heart. No matter how kind this person was, he just let his true feelings out towards a total stranger. He half expected Andy to simply laugh, finding his whole childish story amusing, but seeing the delinquent giving slight nods as he poured his heart out, showing that he at least was listening to him, was weirdly comforting. Scary, even.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through all that. I think I can understand a bit of what you're feeling."

"You do?" The boy asked. "Well, it's not like I went the same thing you did, but that feeling of always being second fiddle to someone far better in everything, it must be awful. And these people keep rubbing in your face, too. With no one there to listen to you, it has to be killing you from the inside."

For a moment, Rudy thought his ears were playing tricks on him, but even reality could be stranger than fiction. This guy, Andy, who would've guessed he could be so…kind? His voice had a certain charm that made him so reliable. How can someone who is considered the leader of a bunch of thugs can be such an understanding person? Perhaps, Rudy thought, people may have judged him too early. They did say to never judge a book by its cover.

"Even so, I still find it hard to understand why you would go to such lengths just to release some steam? Beating people up is one thing since I did it myself, but this? You did nothing but hurt yourself."

Andy was right about that one. The numbness Rudy felt on his legs was still there. "I know, but I just can't take it anymore. I have to do something, or else…" He sighed. Truly, there were better ways than this, but he wasn't thinking straight at that time, letting his emotions take control. How immature.

It was then Andy rummaged in his pocket, searching for something. "Well, I too get angry from time to time. And I think I get the perfect thing just for you." He then pulled something small, bringing it to Rudy's face, and his eyes dilated in shock upon seeing it. The object of immorality. A sign of rebellion, or adolescence.

"Is that…a cigarette?"

"Yeah. Although, it's not the high-quality ones. Those kinds suck the soul out of your wallet. But still, this cheap one does its job well." In that moment of hesitation, Rudy felt Andy's grip on his shoulders tighten, as the delinquent leaned closer. "So, want to give it a try?" whispered the boy.

"I…I…" His voice trembled with uncertainty.

"What, you scared?"

"N-No! It's just that…I never smoked before."

Andy waved the cig in front of Rudy's face, tempting him. "Well, first time for everything, yeah?"

"But, I…"

"What are you so nervous about? Afraid that those 'people' you spoke of might found out? That they might get mad at you? But you said it yourself; they never cared about you in the first place. So why should you care about them? That seems pretty unfair."

Rudy's tongue was being held by the hands of doubt, as the words slowly digested in his head. What Andy said was true. His father didn't care about him, and he is hated anyway, so what was the point? And besides, even if he decided to smoke, his father probably wouldn't even realise it. But still, never in his life did he see himself picking up a cigarette, since the idea of it was so foreign to him. None of his family smoked, and it was immoral to do so.

But to say he never felt curious about it was a lie in itself. Although he never did voice out his thoughts, he always wondered what got those people so hooked up with it. And now, the opportunity is presented right before him…

"Well, if you're scared, just say so."

"W-Who said I'm scared? I'll show you." Not wanting to be ridiculed, Rudy hastily took the cig from Andy's fingers, much to the delinquent's amusement. "Hah, you do have guts, after all. Someone, bring him a lighter!"

A strange sensation ran through him, as he inserted the cig into his mouth. It couldn't be that bad, right?

…

The taste was horrible. Rudy had to stifle a cough the moment he inhaled the smoke. It was like his whole body rejected this foreign feeling coursing through his bloodstream. The terrible aftertaste didn't help either. And it smelled bad, too. How can people get used to this?

"What the hell, it tastes like shit!" He cried, earning laughter from the goons. "That's what everyone said when they tried for the first time. Give it another go. You'll get used to it."

"Eh, I have to?" The gang nodded unanimously. Rudy took another look at the burning cig, dreading the fact he had to put that thing into his mouth again. He already reached this far, might as well go all in. "Alright…"

…

It still felt horrid, but somehow, it became a bit sweeter. He didn't know why, but it was a slight improvement from before. "See? You're starting to feel it, aren't you?" The group continued to egg him on. "Now, try to inhale it as much as you can, then slowly exhale the smoke."

"Tch, so many damn steps…" Rudy grumbled as he followed what the guy said. The moment he blew the smoke out of his lips, waves of pleasure ran through his body, as if those smokes, now lingering in the air, were the manifestation of his problems and worries, were being blown by the wind. The only thing left is the smell of tobacco, now etched into his mind. How can something this small be capable enough to give such an effect on his body?

For a moment, Rudy felt at ease. His mind went blank, relishing the sweet taste of nicotine in his mouth. It felt good. Really good.

And he wanted more.

His moment of tranquillity was interrupted by the annoying cheers of those goons, as they praised how cool and awesome Rudy looked. He had to admit, it sure did feel like one. "I could get used to this." The boy thought out loud. With a satisfied grin, Andy patted him on the back, saying, "Hah, knew you would like it! It fits you like a glove." 

As Rudy brought the cig into his lips once more, chasing that short-lived yet sweet pleasure, he noticed Andy was giving his goons a knowing look, before he turned back to face him. "Hey, what's your name?"

"Rudy."

"Rudy, huh? Look, as you know, we were going to use the playground today, but it seems there is a change in plans. Say, why don't you join us for today? It would be fun, I promise. That is if you want to."

Rudy remained silent for a moment. His mind went back to the past, of how everyone said bad things about Andy and his friends, of how Zack and the others made sure to stay away from them, of how the neighbours labeled them as good-for-nothing teenagers. He had to admit, he was never the smartest tool in the shed. He only believed what he saw. And the only thing he saw here, were a bunch of people, who had more than enough reasons to ignore and beat him into a pulp, but instead stopped and listened to him.

They treated him like a person. With feelings.

It didn't matter what others said. These guys were good people, and that's what Rudy chose to believe in.

"Sure, why not? I'm game."

…

On that night, Samuel felt his legs were about to fall off from his endless running. No matter where he went, his little brother was nowhere to be found. As the sun began to set down, his fear started to rise within his heart. His brain tried to figure out more possible places for his whereabouts, while his conscious kept telling him to calm down. And beneath all of that, he cursed his father. That old man had gone way too far this time, but what can Samuel do? Even he was powerless before him. He still depended on his father, after all.

The only thing he did was watched from the corner, silently weeping for his poor little brother. The feeling of déjà vu ran through him, for he too went through the same thing Rudy did. His father's cruel, venomous words have stung Samuel's ears far too many to count.

But the difference was that Samuel did prove himself. Rudy couldn't.

As the night began its reign, as Samuel slowly began to succumb to his hopelessness, his eyes caught a glimpse of someone familiar. Happiness welled in him, for it was none other than his younger sibling. Samuel ran up and hugged him as tight as he could. Questions of where he has gone had to wait, for nothing else mattered other than Rudy, now back by his side. He said that he was fine, and he went to have a walk. That was enough to put Samuel at ease.

However, Samuel couldn't help but notice something. Something that he wished he didn't. A possibility that was so worrying, so unthinkable, yet it was a possibility, nonetheless. He chose to remain silent, brushing it off as a mere coincidence, but still, he couldn't shake this feeling of unease.

There was no way Rudy would smoke, right?

 "Rudy…is that you?" Zack was the most surprised one out of the gang, and all of their faces looked hilariously confused. Even Will and Jamie were taken aback. As much as Rudy wanted to assure them that yes, this was indeed him, it was funny to see them like that.

After all, who wouldn't react like that after seeing their friend suddenly dye his hair blue?

"What do you think? It fits me, doesn't it?" Rudy asked in a mocking tune, enjoying their reactions. "Well, it looks great, I guess. Blue has always been your favourite colour." Will commented before Jamie chimed in. "Wait, doesn't this go against the school rules?"

"Heh, since when did you become such a goody-two-shoes, Jamie?" Rudy snorted. "What? I never see myself as a student model, but even I know when to not go overboard. Now, everyone's going to have their eyes on you." Jamie replied.

"That aside, you have been acting strange as of late, bro." Zack pointed out. "You've been coming late to school, and I even notice you skipping out on some classes. Is everything okay?"

That last thing he said almost ticked Rudy off. Now he started to give a damn? "I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about." He replied with a strained voice. The air became heavier, and judging from their faces, even they felt this lingering tension.

"A-Anyway, now that you're here, want to join us after school? We're planning to go to the café, and it's been a while since we all hung out together, so…" Jamie spoke up, trying to lighten the mood.

"Sorry, but I have to pass. I have…other things to do."

"You've been awfully busy, Rudy. We rarely see you at the playground anymore. Did you get a part-time job?"

"No, I…"

Should I tell them? Or should I not? Those were the thoughts running through his mind before a familiar voice entered his ears. "Yo, Rudy! We've been looking for your ass." They called for him, giving him a chance to escape.

The other three gasped in unison upon realising who it was. "Andy?" The boy straight up ignored their gasps; his eyes focused on Rudy. "Let's go and have lunch, already! I'm hungry as fuck right now."

"Yeah, let's go." Well, at least he didn't have to explain anything, he said to himself, as he and Andy walked away from those three, before…

"Wait, Rudy! Are you…friends with Andy, now?" Zack suddenly asked, stopping him in his tracks. Still refusing to look at him, Rudy answered with a cold tone.

"…so, what if I am?"

"You idiot! Don't you know who those people are? They're delinquents, Rudy! A bunch of wannabe thugs who had nothing better to do. How could you not see that?"

"They're nice people, Zack. Maybe if you give them a chance, you would understand. And besides, you can't judge them based on their appearances alone." This has turned for the worse. Rudy dearly hoped that Zack would leave him alone, but the boy was relentless, much to his surprise. "Oh? If they're so nice as you said, then explain the blue hair, then. You even start to look like them!"

"…"

"Well, everything starts to make sense. You've changed, Rudy. No wonder you become more rude and violent. It's because of them, isn't it? Doesn't that prove my point?"

"What are you trying to say, here?" Rudy scowled, feeling his fingers balling into a fist.

"Do I have to spell it out for you, dumbass? You're hanging with the wrong crowd! Please bro, just come back to us. Aren't we friends?"

"…friends?"

Rudy felt something snap in him. To hear that word come out of his mouth, the irony in it was too perfect he could've burst into laughter. But it wasn't funny to him.

"You got some nerve, spouting shit like that! Friends are supposed to help each other, to lend a shoulder when one needs it. These 'wannabe thugs' you speak of did that for me. Where were you when I needed someone to just listen? Where were any of you? What did you guys do? Oh, that's right. You fucking shut me down!"

The sudden outburst finally shut Zack up. Good. His patience was already running short, and if he did any more, Rudy would have done something even he would regret. Though at this point, he couldn't care less what happened.

"We're done, you hear me? I don't want to see any of you again."

Without waiting for their responses, Rudy walked away from the scene, feeling slightly relieved that he had finally given them a piece of his mind. It was fine, this was the road that he chose. But still, he couldn't help but grieve over the reality of the situation. Those three were his childhood friends, so many tiny and precious memories were created, and to have it ended in this way was…sad, to say the least. Though he found a new group, there was a small gaping hole in his heart that may never be filled.

Maybe, he did care. Just a little.

"Why did you defend us?" Andy suddenly asked. Rudy looked back, surprised by his question. "What they said was true, after all. We're not the kind of people that parents want their kids to hang out with."

"…perhaps. But this is my decision. And it's too late to re-think about it, anyway."

"I see."

Bruises were everywhere, tattered on his body. His mouth tasted like rusted metal, and his hands were still shaking from the adrenaline, making the pain slightly endurable. But above all else, Rudy felt satisfied. He always thought that being a delinquent would be hated by old, boring adults only, but it seemed that that term applied to everyone, even the same kinds.

A bunch of kids claimed that his group pissed them off, so they were challenged into a brawl. The boy was scared at first since he never got into a fight, but of course, like many other things, the first step was always the hardest. Once he went past that, things went by smoothly.

He didn't expect how good it felt like to inflict pain on someone else.

He didn't realise the thrill he got would make him feel so…free.

He relished in that feeling of superiority, seeing others beg to be spared.

The excitement mixed with the pain; it was the perfect recipe. This had to be what youth felt like.

"You okay there, Rudy? They beat your ass pretty hard, there." Andy came in from behind, handing him a bottled drink. Even he looked pretty messed up.

"Tch, I'm fine. I beat them back ten-fold, so it doesn't matter. And you guys didn't seem that into it. Don't want to ruin your pretty face, huh?"

"Hey, don't accuse me like that. You're the one that fought like a fucking demon."

"Heh, I can't help myself. Who would've thought getting into a fight could've been so fun!"

Andy gave him a knowing smirk. "…really now?"

"Whoa, we got a hardened badass over here!" One of the goons called out, as they caught up to the two. All of them got battered, yet only smiles were drawn on their faces. "Don't try to act so cool, bro. No girls here are going to see you, not that they want you, anyway."

"Fuck off, idiots." Laughter erupted in the air. Such annoying fools, Rudy thought. Nothing came out of their mouths but mindless garbage. Rotten behaviour, a waste of space; truly, the lowest of the low. Just like him.

Didn't his father love to call him a useless brat? Someone who amounted to nothing?

Maybe he was right.

"But still, I'm pretty jealous of you, Rudy. You've become the hot topic among the people here since you joined us. Now everyone's got their eyes on you."

The boy couldn't help but smile hearing that. The words of how a troublesome kid was roaming around town, causing nothing but havoc, were still fresh in his mind. A talk of a blue-haired boy who always fooled around, disrespecting even the teachers; overall, a pain in the ass to have around. Any sensible kid would crumble under the negative reception, but Rudy flourished in it. Positive or negative, it didn't matter. Everyone finally noticed him.

Is this what Samuel and Grace feel when everyone's talking about them?

Speaking of his siblings…

"Yeah, though I do wonder about your parents. Do they know about it yet?"

Rudy never once wondered if they ever caught wind about it. At least, his parents didn't confront him. His siblings did but only once. It was during midnight when they came to his room, demanding an explanation for his sudden changes. Feeling annoyed, Rudy shut them both out, and that was the last time they asked him about it. His mother? She gave worrying glances, but that was it.

His father? That old man completely neglected him, as if they were strangers who so happened to live under the same roof. Not that it mattered in the slightest. Still, Rudy made sure to never went overboard, and to return home early. He didn't want to drag his mother and his siblings into it.

"Hmph, like I care if they know or not," The boy let out a huff, gulping down the drink to wet his drying throat. "Besides, I don't need them, anyway." 

"Oho, what do you mean?"

"I got you assholes now. That's all I need."

Silence hung over them before another set of jeers and laughter took over once more. "Damn, this dude is a softie, hahaha!" Andy chuckled as well, seeing the goons joking around. "You know, Rudy. It's really more fun with you around."

"Really?"

"Yeah. And may it last for moments to come." Rudy nodded his head in response, followed by another set of cheers. This was the path that he chose, and whatever lay at the end of the road, he told himself that he was ready to face it.

…

Unfortunately, actions have consequences. And Rudy had to pay big, heavy prices for his deeds.

It was break time, and Rudy was starving. The last class was painfully boring, and loitering in the bathroom with a cigarette in his hand was a bit better than listening to the teacher yapping about something useless. He was on his way towards the canteen, pondering on what to have for lunch, as he rummaged his pocket to check his money…

…and he forgot to bring any. Fantastic.

"Shit, I had no money with me." His friends took an unamusing glance at him. "Well, sucks to be you." The group said, before continuing with their own business.

"Ugh, you guys could pitch in for me?"

"Hell no, dude. Pay for it yourself."

"C'mon, I just need around five bucks."

"You think we're rich or something? No means no."

 Such friends, they are. Rudy lightly cursed. As he left to figure out how to satiate his hunger, Andy suddenly tugged him, a sly smile wore on his lips. "Yo, look over there." The boy lifted his head, and across from him, was a kid all by himself. He's quite skinny. Looks pretty weak, too…

"A perfect target, don't you think?" He whispered into Rudy's ears. "You want me to..."

"Why not? He seemed pretty rich on daddy's money. Besides, he wouldn't dare to say no if you're the one asking. Make use of that reputation of yours."

"Well, I…"

It was either that, or he had to stay hungry for the rest of the day. He had to make a choice.

…

The moment Rudy got a bit closer, the boy looked like he saw a ghost, eyes were as wide as saucers. "Eep, Rudy! What do you want?" He shrieked, and there went Rudy's hope of settling things quietly. He decided to put up a friendly act first. "Whoa, why do you look so scared, er…" Rudy's eyes moved around in search of his nametag. "…Mike, was it? Relax, bro. I haven't done anything yet."

"W-What do you want from me? Please, I did nothing wrong…"

"Getting straight to the point, eh?" Rudy brought his arms around Mike's shoulders, as he leaned in close. "You see, on my way to school today, I somehow forgot to bring some money for lunch. Silly me, right? And I'm really hungry at this point. So…" He lowered his voice into a whisper. "wouldn't you mind letting me some cash? I'll pay you back, I promise."

"I…I…"

"Hmm? I can't hear you, Mike. Speak louder."

"I…don't have any money left. S-Sorry…" The boy squeaked in fear. 

"…"

Rudy blankly stared at him. "I see…" he said, as his hands moved closer…

"Wait, what are you doing!?"

On Rudy's hand was a brown-shaped leather wallet, taken straight from the boy's pocket, and it felt pretty thick, too. "You know, Mike. Didn't your mom ever teach you not to lie?" He opened it, and a few stacks of money bills were neatly folded. "Damn, dude. You're loaded! Why are you bringing this many, anyway?"

A whimpering voice interrupted his discovery. "Please, don't. I need that money for—"

"Shut up, asshole! I only wanted a few bucks, and you had the nerve to lie to me, knowing you have this much!" Rudy snapped back, taking the few bills into his pocket. His anger had been out of control, as of late. There were times when even a simple matter was enough to tick him off. His friends have been saying that a few times, much to his annoyance. So, what if he was a bit angry? That was just who he was—

"GIVE IT BACK!!"

With Rudy letting his guard down, Mike took advantage of it and jumped on him, struggling to take back his wallet. His kicks and punches were flailing around, much like a raging animal let loose, but unfortunately, Rudy had more experience in brawling. It took only mere seconds before the tables were turned in his favour, with poor Mike getting pinned onto the ground.

"C'mon, where did all that energy go, huh? That's the best you can do?" With every punch and kick landed on Mike's body, Rudy's heart was filled with ecstasy. As he indulged himself in this bliss, Rudy noticed the tears falling from Mike's eyelids, his eyes begged for him to stop. "Tears, really? You're already crying just from this? Man the fuck up, already!"

"…please…"

Not satisfied with his response, Rudy grabbed Mike by the collar and shoved his body onto the hard wall, making the poor boy wince in pain. "Listen here. Don't think just because you act soft and cry like a bitch, everyone would take sympathy on you. Over time, people will get sick of it, and you have no one to blame but yourself. This world is harsh, and it got no place for crybabies like you."

Mike remained silent except for a few sobs, his head hung down as tears and snot rolled down his face. Such a pathetic look, Rudy thought. It reminded him of someone. Someone he hated.

He looks like me...

He was about to land yet another punch on his gut, before…

"Rudy, stop it!"

His attention shifted towards that voice, and of course, it had to be someone he dearly wished he didn't have to encounter, especially in this manner. Out of everyone, why did it have to be Will? And before Rudy realised it, his grip on Mike loosened, and the boy made a run for it, taking his wallet along with him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" Will screamed at him, his hand jolted forward, and grabbed Rudy by the shirt. "I have always thought of you as stupid and immature, but to think you sunk this low as to bully other people…"

His whole vision is filled with nothing but Will's entire face, his eyes giving him a wild glare. Rudy didn't like it. "Tch, you just can't leave me alone huh, Will? Why don't you mind your damn business?" Rudy tried to threaten him, but his old friend did not waver. "Look at you, trying to act all tough. Do you think I'm scared of you, asshole? Going around acting like a damn egotistic bastard, but you're nothing but a pathetic little brat, throwing a temper tantrum!

Rudy felt his face heating up. "…what did you say?"

"What's wrong, did I strike a nerve? That means deep down, you know that I'm right in this. You can be all rude to others, dye your hair whatever colour you want, but that won't change a single fact about you."

His ears rang, as his hands tried to break Will's grasp from his collar. Even the other students began to catch on the scene, as they spectated from a distance. Some wore a worrying expression; others were debating on who would come out victorious.

"Let me go, Will."  Rudy scowled, but it only made the grip even tighter. "Want to know something, Rudy? You have always been weak, ever since we knew each other. Complaining about your grades, your parents. Every single time. Do you think everything revolves around you? No, it doesn't!"

His vision slowly became blurry. "I said. Let. Me. Go."

"And you know what, I'm glad you decided to leave the group, that way I don't have to listen to you bitching about your fucking life!"

Rudy cried out in rage, as he smashed his head with Will's, letting his emotions overtake him once more.  

…

Everything became hazy. Rudy didn't know what he was doing, the last thing he remembered was this boiling anger swelling in him, and after that, his mind went completely blank. The next thing he knew, he was being held by two huge people, as his senses slowly returned to him. A bunch of other students was surrounding him, some were holding up their phones, and right across from him, sat down a boy, with blood dripping from his face. Did he…do that?

Wait, is that Will? That's right, we were fighting, just now.

"You brats did nothing but cause trouble for everyone in this school!" A sudden shout snapped Rudy from his daze. Right before him was the principal, and the sight of him made Rudy's stomach drop. Even more so when the principal suddenly walked up to him, landing a rough slap on his face. "And you, my patience has already run out." He growled, before instructing the two teachers holding him to bring him and Will into the office.

Fear took control of his body. "Wait, you misunderstand! He's the one that started all of this—"

"Just be quiet! How many more excuses are you trying to give?" One of the teachers shut him back. The more Rudy tried to break away from their grasp, the more desperate he became. "Wait, you have to trust me! He suddenly went up to me and asked for a fight. I-I have people that can prove that." Rudy frantically turned his head, as his eyes landed on Andy and his friends, who were watching among the crowd. "Right, guys? You all saw it too, right?"

"…"

Much to his dismay, he was met with dead silence. His friends neither showed shock nor guilt, but a mere blank expression. 

"What are you talking about? They're the ones that called the principal."

"…what?"

There was a saying that Rudy heard sometime in his life. 'You reap what you sow'. If you do good things, good things will happen to you, and vice versa. Deep down in Rudy's heart, he knew that what he did was wrong, and all his wrongdoings would catch up to him, someday. But he didn't want to admit it, thinking that it was all too late for someone like him. This was the road that he chose, and he was ready to face any sort of consequences.

However, Rudy was only an immature kid, who tried to act like an adult. The only reason he claimed that he, indeed, has no regrets, was because he had yet to see his consequences with his own eyes. And now, he was about to face one.

The decision has been made. Both he and Will were suspended from school, a decision any sane person would do. When they contacted the parents to come and take him, only his mother showed up, her face painted with guilt. Rudy didn't dare to face her like that. He vowed to himself to never drag his mother along, but it seemed even something as simple as that was too much for him. But it was only the beginning.

On the ride back home, Rudy mentally prepared himself for his mother to erupt, but it was not the tears of rage that fell from her face, but a waterfall of grief and regret instead. "I'm sorry, Rudy. I'm so sorry." Her quivering lips never stopped repeating those words. Rudy sat beside her, hiding his face away, not wanting to see her mother's crying face.

The moment he stepped inside his house, he was greeted by his father towering above him, with a look he was so used to. Oh, now he started to act as he cared? When his name got tarnished for not looking after his son, only now he tried to be a good parent, as if all these past months of negligence meant nothing?

Whatever regret Rudy had at that moment vanished completely. If he was going to hell, he would drag his father with him. The old man started with his usual threats and shifted all the blame on Rudy, much as he expected this. Things were about to get violent, before his mother intervened, instructing Rudy to go to his room. And so, he did, not wanting to see his father's face any longer. The argument continued, which has been the norm for both of them as of late.

What he didn't expect was the argument to escalate to an extent.

He heard of his mother wanting them both to apologise to him. He heard of his father refusing to do so and shifted the blame onto her instead. He heard of how the both of them threw insults at each other.

He even heard of a claim of unloyalty. That his mom was unfaithful, even went so far as to claim that Rudy might not even be his.

With each passing moment, Rudy slowly began to lose his cool façade. The loud beating of his heart hammered at his ears, as his mind went haywire.

Until finally, he heard a mention of a divorce.

What Rudy didn't realize was that at the end of the day, he was just a young boy, trying to behave like an adult. And when a kid is separated from their parents, they lost their sense of security and began to break down.

Will's words rang in his ears. Of how he did nothing but throw a temper tantrum when things didn't go the way he wanted. And so, very much like a kid, Rudy fled through his bedroom window, running away from his troubles once more, searching for his comfort. The place he called his real home. The group he considered his real friends.

And besides, he needed an explanation.

…

"Why are you here? There's nothing more between us."

"What are you talking about?" Rudy stood before his friends; their faces looked at him with blank expressions. Gone were the laughter and the smirks he was used to, leaving only the cold, empty stares, as if he was an outsider. "And why the hell did you guys call the principal? I got suspended because of that!"

"Yeah, and you deserve to."

"…what?"

Andy came up to him, giving Rudy the same hostile blue eyes, similar to the first time they met. This whole atmosphere, the strange hostility, left him flabbergasted. How did this happen? Why weren't they happy to see him like before? "You went up and beat someone till he bleeds, Rudy. I'm surprised they didn't throw your ass out of the school, already."

 "So, you're saying it's all my fault?"

"Yes." Andy calmly replied.

Confusion. Anger. Mix those two and it resulted in an irrational Rudy, as he let his emotions take control once more and violently grabbed Andy's shirt. "Don't screw with me, here! Weren't you the one that wanted me to ask that kid for money? Had it not been for that, none of this would've happened!" He shouted, but the emotionless response Andy displayed irritated him even more. "Answer me!"

The boy sighed in return. "Yes, I did ask you to go and bully that kid for money. However, that was all I did. The one that pulled the trigger…was you."

"…"

The boy was forced to look reality in the eye, as Andy's words slowly sank into his mind. It was true, after all. He was the one that decided to listen to Andy. He was the one that went up and bullied that kid. There was no one to blame, but Rudy himself.

"And besides," Andy slapped Rudy's hand away, his face showed disgust. "I know people were going to think that I'm involved too, and I don't want to be with someone foolish enough to beat up a person in broad daylight."

"You…you used me as a scapegoat?" Rudy didn't want to believe it. No, he refused to. All of this must have been a really bad dream. That was the only explanation for this sudden turn of events. There was no way Andy would do something like that, right? After everything they've been together, surely, he wouldn't. As if he was on the verge of drowning, he desperately hold to that thought. And just as a glimmer of hope shined before his eyes…

"Yes, I did. It's your problem, so you should handle it yourself."

Rudy was stripped of whatever hope he had left, as the words dragged him back into the bottomless pit.

The only thing left in him…was anger.

"YOU BASTARD!" Rudy flew his fist, but Andy was faster. His burning rage was stopped by a punch straight into his gut, forcing Rudy to kneel on the ground. The pain made his head throb. His mouth was slightly agape, allowing a few strings of saliva to drool over. "…why…I thought…we were friends…"

"Friends?" Andy repeated his words mockingly. "You really believe in whatever people say, do you? This is the problem with people like you, Rudy. Say something nice to them, and they'll eat it all up, even if you're spouting nonsense."

Believe? Say something nice? Rudy's pain multiplied trying to figure out Andy's stupid riddles before a memory flashed into his mind. His face dropped in horror. "Wait. Then, at that park, everything you said…"

Andy gave a knowing smirk. "Exactly. You looked so gullible back then, that I had to hold myself from laughing. Did you really think I meant what I said back then? Your story bored me to death! No wonder one of your friends got annoyed about it. All I did was feed you some words of encouragement, and look where you are now."

"…no…I…"

Rudy wanted to disappear, to tear his ears away, as being deaf was better than hearing all of this. But all he could do was let out a small, pathetic sob, as everything that he believed in came crashing down right before his very eyes. These past few months…it was nothing but a lie. A hole that he dug, only to fall into it himself. "Well, it was fun knowing you, Rudy. I had to admit, spending time with you was entertaining, but it has to come to an end."

And with that, Andy and his gang began to walk away, leaving Rudy all by himself, not even one of them showed an ounce of sympathy. To think that there was even a glimpse of genuine friendship between them, he cursed himself for being so naïve.

"Goodbye, Rudy. May we never see each other again."

Rudy laid down on the dirt, feeling the pain in his gut slowly fading away, but the one in his heart kept tugging at him. He wanted to cry, to scream, maybe even punch something. But he was too tired to do anything.

His parents possibly got divorced.

His old friends hated him.

His new friends used him.

All of that bravado, all of that so-called manliness, amounted to nothing.

Except for the feeling of betrayal and the smell of tobacco in his rotten mouth.

"…"

Poor Rudy. The boy who wanted attention, yet none were giving him any.

Chapter Text

"W-Wow. I didn't know that you went through so much…I'm sorry."

"Nah. It was alright." Rudy heaved a small sigh. "A long time has passed since then, and at the end of the day, there was no one to blame but myself."

I swallow a gulp, treading carefully on my next words. "So, did your parents…?"

"Hm? Oh, they divorced right after. My dad took my siblings and moved somewhere else. So, it was only me and my mom." He shortly replies. I couldn't help but feel a sense of déjà vu hearing that. Something about it sounds familiar, though I can't pinpoint exactly why.

Rudy then continues. "It was tough, you know. Mom had to deal with the fallout all by herself, and I was too much of a coward to even approach her. At school, I was treated like a monster, probably their revenge for what I did. It was a living hell. But then, I met someone. And my entire life changed after that." He says so with a smile on his face, along with a faint blush spreading across it.

Something clicks in me. Rudy had a terrible life before, so one might think that his conclusion would be him spending his days in juvenile, chewing his tongue out. And yet, here he is living life like a normal student, having a circle of friends, and on top of that, a girlfriend to boot. Unless he's faking stuff up-which I doubt he is, things don't seem to match up.

And I think I have a hunch on who that someone might be. "Is it Rowan?"

"What? No, not him." Rudy blurts out immediately as if he's offended by that answer. "Though, he did help me a lot. But no, it wasn't him."

I give him a knowing look. "Then, it's…"

He nods his head. "Yeah. It's her."

The night spread its wings throughout the ceilings with no pillars, as darkness shrouded the city below. A particular house was silent like any other until a sharp sound alarmed its residents. A middle-aged woman-someone who has seen better days-picked up the phone.

"Grace, why are you calling us at this time? Your father might find out…even so, you don't have to—um, is Rudy here? Yes, he is…hold on, let me turn on the speaker first."

With a click of a button, the phone emitted a familiar voice, coming from its small speakers. "Hey, Mom. Rudy. Samuel is here with me, too. We just want to know how you've been. It's been a while since we talked to each other." A masculine voice then came through. "We wanted to visit for some time now, but Dad's really strict about it. That old geezer…"

"Samuel, that's your father," said the mother, though her voice didn't sound as angry as one thought it would. "It's not good to talk about him like that."

"As if I care," The brother scoffed. "He is such a pain in the butt, Mom. Living with him is like living in hell! The restrictions, the strictness, and we're not even allowed to call you? That's stupid!"

"Keep it down, Sam! Dad might hear us…anyway, we hope that you're doing well, Mom. As Sam said, we dearly wish we could see you again." Even from the cellular phone, Grace's voice was heavy, Rudy and his mother both felt its weight. The mother exhaled a dry sigh, resting her head on the palm of her hand, looking dejected. "Well, it's a good thing I have a job of my own, that should be enough to keep us under the roof. But it can get tiring, sometimes."

Did she regret how things went? Had there been any moment where she thought that maybe, the father was right? Did she ever wish to return back to that day, and wanted to change her decision? That someone like Rudy didn't deserve any sort of defending and was better left to rot in a juvenile?

Curiosity begged him to ask, but he had no guts to do so. And thus, he closed his lips shut.

Samuel suddenly mentioned his name from the speakers. "Oi, Rudy. You there? You better not cause trouble for Mom, okay?" he warned before Grace followed suit. "That's right. Think about what you've done and behave yourself from now on, you hear?"

"…"

Rudy didn't say anything.

The call was cut short when a faint, yet recognisable voice came out from the speaker, enticing panic from the siblings, leaving only the ambient silence of a quiet night. The mother's gaze lingered on the phone, emptily staring at the small device, reminiscing. She turned to face her son, but he was no longer there, with a door click followed after.

An empty husk. A walking corpse. A vessel with no substance in it. Rudy had become a shell of his former self.

Gossips had been a norm in the school, and today was like any other. It plagued the students' minds like an itch; they couldn't help themselves.

"Did you hear? That blue-haired boy came back to school a few weeks ago."

"Really? Hmph, just as the school got a bit peaceful. Can't he just, screw off somewhere?"

"Nah, I want him to stay. At the very least, the school becomes less boring with him around. Did you see when he beat the shit out of that one kid? It was brutal! Now that's exciting."

"But that kid was heavily injured, though! I heard his parents were planning to move him to another school."

"I don't give a fuck who got hurt. This school is too boring anyway, I need something to look forward to."

Even among the corridors and the hallways, Rudy never felt free. Eyes peering around the corner, monitoring every single of his movements, like a prisoner roaming around the cell. His dyed hair stood out from the crowd like a sore thumb, making everyone turn their heads. Were it up to him, the school was the last place he wanted to be. But the thought of his mother kept dragging him to this hell he created.

It was strange. Wasn't this what all Rudy wanted? People were looking at him, noticing him, whether it be good or bad. This was his dream all along, so why wasn't he enjoying it? 

…

"What do you want?" Zack's words struck deep. His refusal to look at Rudy along with the cold shoulder treatment was as clear as day, but Rudy chose to go for it anyway. He had nothing left to lose. "Zack, I…"

For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to finish it. The idea of it was too absurd and stupid, yet a part of him wished for it to happen, refusing to let go. That perhaps, their past bonds can be rekindled once again.

"I have nothing to say to you." Zack's words shut out the last remnants of hope Rudy had in his mind. "Why don't you go to your new friends, since you liked sucking them off so much?"

"We're not friends anymore. They left me." Rudy pitifully replied, feeling his entire figure shrank with each passing moment. His head felt heavy, threatening him to just kneel in front of his old friend and beg for forgiveness, or another chance.

"…"

Zack's silent treatment made it even worse. Without saying another word, he walked away from Rudy, making the boy desperate. "Zack, wait! I know I screwed up, but please…!"

"Stay away from me, you piece of shit." Rudy stopped dead on his tracks as if veins sprouted from the ground and held him in place. "We're not some toy you can play with, Rudy. You brought this upon yourself."

"I…I…"

"There's nothing between us, anymore. And don't even try to talk to me." Zack then walked away, never once stopping to give Rudy a glance.

Such an obvious outcome, yet it was hurtful all the same.

It was after school, and Rudy was among the earliest to scurry away. He didn't know where exactly he wanted to go, only that he needed to be away from this place as soon as possible. And so, his legs moved on their own, making his way towards the school gate, as he found himself surrounded by passing students, all with their friend groups. Laughing at each other's jokes, discussing their next hangout place, complaining about petty things like homework, and sharing about the latest gossip.

Memories of school life. A symbol of innocence. The simple joy of youth.

Rudy once had such things. He remembered the time he walked from school with Zack and the others, talking about the latest computer games. He remembered the time he rode on Andy's bike, as they stormed off to do stupid, petty crimes.

Even though it has been a few months since then, it felt so far, far away, like a bird's feather that landed on one's palm, and before he could enjoy the gentleness of it, the wind blew it away.

And now, Rudy had nothing left.

"…"

His legs stopped moving, and he found himself at the usual playground. The rusty swings, the broken seesaws-no doubt his doing, the dirty slides; a sad scenery. Yet even with all this ugliness plaguing what once was a paradise for him, Rudy still had a soft spot for this place. So many memories were created here, whether it be good or bad.

The boy went and sat on the swings, hearing the slight creaking noises from its chains. He took a long look at the place. This was where he met Zack, Will, and Jamie; his childhood friends. He had to admit that all of them had nothing in common, which might explain the constant arguments they got into. But it was their interest in games that somehow bonded them together. Since then, all of them sticked to each other like glue. Loitering around the cafes, playing football, or even laying down on the grass, gazing on the floating clouds.

Life was beautiful back then.

"…"

A gust of wind breezed through. This calm feeling ran through him, putting his mind at ease. His nerves began to relax, and for the first time in a long while, Rudy felt like he was at peace. Maybe this was why people kept those ugly-looking photo albums in their dusty drawers. Whenever things got rough in the present, they could always retreat back into the past, reminiscing of simpler times.

Rudy's tongue began to itch. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and ignited his lighter. It'll be okay, he told himself. He didn't need anything else. Even if his friends rejected him, even if everyone despised him, it didn't matter. Because he knew his past and his precious memories would never betray him, forever immortalised in his mind. That was all he ever needed.

And besides, Zack may come back here one day, and they can reconcile with each other and start where they left off. It was still possible for him to have a change of heart and accept Rudy back as an old friend.

Until then, he decided to spend his time there, waiting for paradise to come.

“It'll be okay…”

Some students had a weird obsession with their class tables, to the point where they were willing to decorate it with stickers as if to tell everyone that that table was theirs. Rudy found it to be a waste of time, and since he always skipped classes, he didn't care that much about what happened to his. To him, it was nothing but an old, rusty desk like any other.

But a particular incident gave him a change of heart.

Scribbles everywhere with vile words written all over, all targeted him and his mother, calling him a devil and all sorts of names. Not to mention, the amount of rubbish piled under his desk, giving off a foul smell, making Rudy want to throw up. Seeing this, his eyes darted around the classroom, and all of them acted so nonchalantly; not a single one looked surprised.

It had to be their doing. There was no other way to explain it.

“…”

Rudy had enough. Being treated like a waste of space, and even dragging his mother into this? Where were the teachers when they needed the most, or maybe they too supported this act? His teeth rattled, seething from his boiling rage, along with his hands gripping the table, inches away from breaking the furniture…

But he couldn’t do it. Much as he wanted to scream and let everything loose, he couldn’t. Act, and they would expel him immediately. These bastards knew it, and they took advantage of that fact, knowing fully well that Rudy had no choice but to sit down and take these abuses.

So, Rudy did nothing. Like a clueless, gullible idiot, he took a cloth and try to clean it, while the rest of them watched this clown getting what he deserved, some were snickering under their breaths.

…

He was back at the playground, spending most of the time sitting on the swings and remembering the old memories. It was the only thing he did for a long time. Being at school stung his ears with loads of insults hurled at him, and staying at home shrouded his heart with overwhelming guilt, seeing his mother like that. The poor woman had to work extra hard just to keep a roof under her head, along with her useless brat as a son. Any sane person would look at that and try their best to help and ease her burdens.

But Rudy couldn't bring it in himself to face her. He wanted nothing more than to apologise, to say how terrible he has been, and want to own up to his mistakes. But every time he saw her weak, tired figure, along with her heavy sighs, he wavered. As if life was mocking him, saying: "Look at her! Look at what you've done. She ends up like this because of you!"

The embarrassment was too much for him to take, and so he ran to the playground; the only place where Rudy felt safe, away from the words that stabbed him like knives and the demons he was too afraid to face.

With a cigarette at hand, he inhaled the sweet taste of nicotine and watched the smoke he blew out lingering in the wind.

A memory flooded into his mind.

"Hey, Rudy. Have you ever thought about your ambition or something?"

"Geez, Zack. You started to sound like one of our teachers."

"Aw, c'mon. I'm interested."

"Well, I'm not sure. I guess as long as I could make my dad proud, then I'll be fine."

"Boo, what a boring ass dream!"

"Hah, Will's right, Rudy. We gotta dream big, man! Like me, for example. I'm going to be a game creator, so I could play games all day long. No more homework, baby!"

"Heh, that's a good dream. Can't wait to play it!"

"Damn, cig's running out." Rudy grumbled, making a mental note to buy another one before his ears caught a foreign noise. Not far from him, he noticed a faint sound, so weak that if they were more people in the park, he would never notice it.

"…thought I heard something."

He closed his eyes, focusing on his hearing to confirm whether his ears were playing tricks on him or not. A few seconds after, that same sound registered in his ears again, this time more recognisable.

"A cat? And it sounds pretty close, too." Rudy got up from the swings and went straight towards the source. There was a lone trash bin in front, and right beside it, was a dirty, scrawny grey cat lying on the floor. It looked like a stray one; the kind you saw near dirty places, salvaging whatever food left. Its fur was messy, and his overall figure was skinny, unlike the cute, domestic ones he usually saw on tv. It looked so pathetic; Rudy felt an inch of pity in his heart.

However, as he walked closer, his mind was baffled by what he saw next. A small choker with a bell attached to it was tied around the cat's neck, showing that it was once owned by someone. That begged another question; how did it ended up like that? Did it lose its way home? Why didn't the owner come and pick it up? Or maybe, the owner…

Rudy didn't want to finish that thought.

"You look tired. Have nothing to eat?" The poor animal produced another weak sound, as it helplessly stared at Rudy with those pair of yellow pupils. Its body rose up and down, with its ears drooping, as if all of its energy has been sapped away. Rudy did feel bad for the poor animal. If he had some cat food with him, he definitely would've given him some. But of course, he didn't expect a stray cat to be in this park initially. Perhaps, the cat has already reached its time.

There was nothing else he could do.

"…"

Yet the sad look on that cat had somehow branded itself on Rudy's mind like a stamp. The way its eyes emptily stared at him, the way its paws weakly scratched the ground, the way its stomach expanded and contracted, struggling even to breathe…

…

"I can't believe I'm doing this…"

The moment Rudy placed a small canned sardine on top of a laid-out newspaper, life had been injected into the cat's body, as it sprung out from the ground and dashed towards the tinned can, gobbling its content as its life depended on it. That sight alone almost produced a chuckle in him. To think he went that far by rushing to a nearby store, using the pocket money he originally saved for another pack of cigarettes, but instead, he spent it on some cat food. All of that, just for this random feline he met.

What made him go that far? Was it due to sympathy? Or maybe because it was the right, moral thing to do?

Rudy shook his head. He wasn't trying to be a good person here. No, it was far from that…

"You and I. We're the same, aren't we?"

The cat didn't pay attention to Rudy's words, as the boy crouched beside it, gently petting its fur. "We both got abandoned, one way or another. My old man left me, and once, I thought that was a good thing. Turns out, it made our lives worse. Mom doesn't say anything, but I bet she really hates me now and is only staying due to her responsibility as a mother. And my friends left me, too—no, it was I that left them. All for chasing some stupid thrill and attention. And now, I have nothing left."

Rudy felt like the scum of the earth. How dare he simply assumed that this cat too was abandoned? For all he knew, it simply got lost, not knowing where to go, and its owner was working hard in search of their pet.

"I'm sorry. Maybe, I just want someone to relate to. It feels better when there's someone, something out there, who is the same, if not, worse than me."

…

While the boy was busy tending to the cat, a lone girl sat on a bench not far from him. She didn't try to approach him but simply stayed at her spot, observing him from afar.

"Blue hair…so, that must be him. He also no longer hangs out with his gang. Did he leave them? Or, was it the other way around?" She mumbled, as a small smirk slowly crept up on her face.

"Guess I'm not the only one."

Days went by, and the harassment got worse.

One day, Rudy saw his name horribly scribbled on the toilet door, alongside several vulgar drawings he wished he didn't see.

His class table was treated as a second trash bin. A warming gift.

Once during recess, he was dragged to the school back alley just to get beaten up by the seniors. A student who claimed to be one of Rudy's past victims had asked the seniors for help. And so, they came to the delinquent with a gift, alongside a warning to never say a word about the incident again. And they made sure to etch that message into his skull, figuratively and literally.

Whatever he did, wherever he went, these people would jump in the opportunity to harass him like a pack of hyenas.

Even the teachers, who were supposed to act on the moral side, turned a blind eye. Perhaps to them, this was the moral thing to do. You reap what you sow.

But to Rudy, their so-called justice was as flimsy as their courage. Cowards, all of them. They pissed their pants when he was in the pit of delinquency, and never once dared to lift a finger. And only when he lost it all, did they decide to act all high and mighty, acting as if they had balls in the first place.

And the worst of it all was that he couldn't fight back, and they knew it damn well.

…

Rudy was at the park again, sitting on the dirty swings with a cig in his mouth. How many times had he been here, again?

Every single day, most likely. And Zack still hadn't come back.

It was fine. He is used to waiting.

His mind ran down on what happened today. Back at school, some random asshole decided to try and pick a fight with him.

He spat on Rudy's shoe. It was payback, he said. For all the bullying Rudy did to him.

The boy didn't remember. Too many people to count, and he couldn't be bothered to recognise their faces.

The asshole got mad and grabbed him by the shirt, then spouted more nonsense. Rudy had grown numb to their insults.

But then, he crossed the line.

He degraded Rudy's mother.

That pushed him to the brink of his patience. Rudy tensed up, ready to dislocate this asshole's jaw, only to find the other students spectating them. On each of their faces, displayed an ugly grin.

Waiting for him to snap. Waiting for him to pull the trigger. Some wanted him to get expelled already. Others waited in anticipation, wanting to see how far could this go.

It was then Rudy realised, that these people didn't have a single ounce of care for him. They knew he was the victim in this, and that this asshole was the one that instigated this whole charade.

But they didn't care. All they wanted was to see his life miserable, just like how he made theirs.

And so, Rudy ran from the scene. Just like how he had always been.

…

"It'll be okay…it'll be okay…"

Creaking sounds can be heard from the swing set. Rudy reached for his lighter, bringing it closer to the tip of the cig.

It didn't ignite.

"…"

He tried again.

"…"

And again.

"Come on…"

And again.

"…"

No matter how many times he tried, the lighter did not ignite, leaving only the growing bristles on his thumbs. The lighter then dropped to the ground, as it no longer served its purpose.

"…"

Under the evening sky, a lone boy made a wish.

He wanted his family back.

He wanted his friends back.

He wanted his old life back.

He wanted someone to talk to.

Or even something, it didn't matter.

He remembered about the poor, stray cat. The one he saved not long ago.

He looked around for his whereabouts, but it was no longer there.

"…"

Nobody's there in the park, except for him.

No one.

He was alone. All this time, Rudy had always been alone.

"…it'll be okay…it'll be okay…"

Droplets of tears fell on his hands.

"Of course, it won't…"

…

A strange, familiar sensation was felt on his legs, as Rudy's body jerked in surprise. He looked down, and it was that same stray cat looking at him with those pair of big, yellow pitiful eyes. For a while, everything returned to what it used to be. As he crouched down, moving his hands to pet its head, he noticed someone's presence in front of him. He lifted his head up, and right before his eyes, was a girl-probably someone his age, watching him with concern. Black hair that barely exceeded her shoulders, dark-brown eyes, a black vest over a white uniform shirt with a red ribbon tied at her neck. Someone from his school, perhaps?

"What do you want?" Rudy asked, startling her a bit thanks to his rough voice, though it wasn't his attention to intimidate her. The girl shook her head, saying: "No, I was just feeding the cat some food, then I saw you here, and I thought this cat is yours, so…"

He blinked, taking a few moments to process what she just said. "Uh, no. It's not mine, just a stray cat that leeched on me one day."

The cat meowed. Good thing it couldn't understand human language.

"Um, are you alright?" The girl suddenly asked. Rudy was puzzled for a while until he felt the wetness of his cheeks. "Yeah, yeah. It's nothing." He replied, quickly rubbing his swollen eyes.

"Oh, okay then. Well, sorry for taking your time." She then excused herself. Rudy only nodded as a reply, not even raising his head to look at her. It had been a while since someone treated him like a human being, and not some lowly scum. But nevertheless, she was nothing but a stranger. She didn't know anything about what he did.

Rudy thought that was the end of it, but then he heard her say: "By the way, you should stop smoking."

"…huh?"

Before he could say anything, the girl already made her way toward the park exit, and Rudy did nothing but stare at her, dumbfounded. "That came out of nowhere."

Well, that was certainly an interesting chain of events. It did pique his interest in the girl, though. Rudy glanced at the feline beside him. "Do you know her?"

The cat meowed.

"…"

Either way, it wasn't important. If she truly was from his school, then she should know that rule number one-according to the students here, is to stay far away from him. A boy with blue hair and a cig in his mouth didn't exactly give an impression of an honest student. Your friends reflect who you are, after all.  

 Such a shame, though. She was an interesting individual, albeit a weird one.

Rudy was sure that the encounter he had with that black-haired girl was a one-time thing, but it seemed life had something in store for him.

The next day, he noticed someone sitting on a bench not far from the swings. Probably some old geezers taking a break from their jogging routines, he assumed. But much to his surprise, it wasn't some random grandpa, but that same weird girl he met instead. With a small book at hand, she sat there quietly, looking totally immersed in it. Was this park her favourite spot, too? If so, why did it take Rudy this long to notice her?

He kept his gaze locked on her, and it looked like she hasn't noticed it yet. Much as Rudy wanted to scurry her away, this park is still a public place, open for everyone to come in and go as they please. And she wasn't disturbing him, so Rudy decided to leave her be.

But still, a part of him can't shake off that feeling of unease, of being watched by the peering eyes. Were that to happen, this park wouldn't be any different than that horrible school. It was the only place where Rudy felt safe from everyone's judgment. If he lost that too…

"Ugh, what am I thinking?" He shook his head frustratingly. "I'm looking way too much into this…"

But it didn't stop there. The next day, he saw her at the same spot, playing with her phone.

Sometimes, she was seen studying by herself.

Once, she gazed into who-knows-where while eating some cake.

Every single day. After school, she would sit on that same bench, doing her thing all by herself. No friends. No company. Just her, alone.

Her actions were enough to raise some eyebrows, but Rudy was willing to shrug it off. If anything, it only cemented the fact that the girl was indeed, weird. Who in their right mind would come to the same place every single day, and do nothing but daydream? Only weirdos do that.

But he discovered something else about her. She always leaves the park at the same time Rudy did. When the sun began to set, and he went back to his home, so did she. Never once did she ever leave earlier than him.

Things were getting absurd, but Rudy didn't want to jump to conclusions yet. So, he experimented a bit. Once, he decided to break the norm and not go to the park. After locating a suitable place to hide, he hid there, waiting for the girl to show up. And sure enough, he spotted her walking towards the same bench. But then, Rudy saw her doing something strange. The girl walked towards the swings-his usual spot and frantically turned her head around, much like a kid searching for their favourite toy.

Right after that, she left the park immediately, and that was enough for Rudy to come to a conclusion. It made no sense for her to come to the park and simply did nothing but sit around, every single day. And she came alone, too. Without bringing her friends along.

This girl was following Rudy the entire time. And that creeped him out.

 …

It was like a normal evening, like any other. Few cars passed by, sounds of kids happily playing basketball, and the sight of that creep sitting on that bench, acting as if she did nothing wrong. Rudy decided he had enough. No matter what, this simply couldn't continue. He needed an explanation, consequences are damned.

Getting up from the swings, he marched towards the bench, startling her in the process. "You think I don't notice you looking at me, you creep? If you've got something to say, then spit it out!" He shouted angrily. Rudy's eyes darted around, trying to find any other person hiding behind the trees and bushes. Was this one of Andy's doing, he suspected. Or maybe, one of the students set him up?

But much to his surprise, there was no one there, except for them both. Her silent treatment irritated him further. "Why are you here in this park, all by yourself? And stop giving me weird glances!"

The girl looked shaken at first but then recomposed herself. "I can be in this park whenever I want to. And you have no right asking me such things when you have been sulking here, day in and day out."

"You…have you been stalking me?" Rudy asked, feeling taken aback by her words.

She let out a gasp in surprise. "What? No, you freak! It's just that every time I come here, you are always at the swing, all by yourself."

"What I do is none of your business. And, it's my choice for being here, anyway," said the boy.

"Really? But your face said otherwise."

This girl is starting to piss me off. "You still haven't answered my question, yet. Didn't you have your own friends? Why didn't you go and hang out with them, instead?"

Upon hearing Rudy's question, the girl suddenly hung her head down. Her eyes no longer stared daggers at him, and her eyebrows frowned in frustration. A contrast to her witty behaviour seconds ago. "I…don't have any."

"…what?" Rudy was a bit stupefied hearing that.

"I don't have friends, okay!? Well, I used to, but they moved houses, so they had to change schools. They were the only friends I had, so now that they moved away, I have no one left." She explained, her face still refusing to look at him. Her entire figure shrank, showing glimpses of vulnerability from the girl.

Rudy had to admit, in the deepest depths of his heart, seeing her like this did make him sympathise with her. It seemed he wasn't the only that was going through the same thing. That painful, sorrowful expression she wore, Rudy knew that look so well. After all, it was moulded well into his face.

However, as much as he pitied her, frankly, he couldn't care less about it. If that was all the reason she had to be here, then he had no right to take that away. Even she used this park as her place of comfort, and Rudy understood that well. "Well, best of luck to you, then," he said with a deadpan voice, as he began to walk away.

"Wait, hold on!" The girl suddenly cried. Her hands sprung forward and grabbed Rudy by the arm, not letting him go. "I-I have trouble making friends, you see. Whenever I meet new people, I become so scared I don't know what to say. It's like the words won't come out of my mouth. I always relied on my old friends, and I regret doing so. But now that you're here, and since we’re already on talking terms, maybe you could, um, help me?"

“…”

"…pfft." Rudy stifled a laugh. The absurdity in her words was too much to handle. "Look, girl. That is your problem, so you have to handle that yourself. Don't drag me into your mess." He yanked his arm away, and as soon as he tried to leave, the girl asked him something that struck deep into his heart. "Why? I thought you, of all people, would understand. You don't have any friends too, do you?"

"…!"

Her words were like an anchor, not allowing him to be swayed away by the currents of the windy evening. Panic ran over his mind, as Rudy's instinct told him to save face, and so he thought of ways to cover up the truth. "I have friends, you idiot! They're just, um, busy at the moment." He conjured up a lie, hoping that she somehow would eat it, but a small part of him believed it was useless anyway.

As expected, the girl didn't buy it. "You're lying. Every day after school, you always come here by yourself. You want to tell me that your friends are always busy?" Rudy gritted his teeth in frustration. This was not how he expected things to go. He was supposed to be interrogating her, not the other way around. "Didn't you used to have your gang?"

"…huh? W-What kind of gang?"

"Everyone knows, Rudy." The girl finally mentioned his name, taking him by surprise. "The blue-haired delinquent who causes nothing but trouble, likes to pick fights with everyone, including the teachers and does whatever he pleases. He also hangs out often with another group of punks, just like him. But recently, after he got suspended for injuring another student, he is never seen again with said group."

Rudy remained silent. How was he going to refute any of that? It was like his entire past was clearly written on his face, and all she did was simply read it like a book.

"…"

No, she did more than that. Rudy thought his past scars and wounds have long been healed, but her words were more than enough to reopen it back, like ripping off the bandage and smearing salt all over it. Scenes of that fateful day replayed in his mind, of how Will riled him up into a fight, of how Andy revealed that their friendship was nothing but a lie. That day cursed him like an omen, sometimes keeping Rudy awake at night, making him beg for another chance, knowing full well his efforts were fruitless.

"…what do you want? Do you come all the way here just to mock me, like all the other students? Is that it?"

The girl frowned and tried to refute that claim, but Rudy decided he had more than enough. It seemed even this playground was unsafe from those insults aiming to hurt him. The one place that allowed himself to be vulnerable and even that got snatched away from his grasp.

"Just leave me alone." He uttered, making his way towards the exit. 

"Wait!" The girl cried for him, but he refused to look back. "Where are you going?"

"…"

"I-I can help you! We can be friends if you want!"

"…"

"Rudy, aren't you lonely?"

"…I'm not." He replied.

"You're lying! I know that face very well." Her voice became more desperate.

"I'm not!" Rudy raised his voice, with his body suddenly felt heavier.

"You want to know why? Because I'm lonely too!"

"I SAID I'M NOT!!!"

With a hurdling scream, Rudy lost control of himself, as he smashed the old slide, causing it to dent. His breaths became erratic, and his heartbeat drummed in his ears.

"…"

"…"

"…"

 Silence lingered in the air. The boy dropped to his knees, overwhelmed by his emotions, leaving only the fatigue and the pain in his legs.

He felt tired. So, so tired.

All this time, he deluded himself with lies. That he didn't need anyone. That he was strong enough to carry everything by himself. But beneath it all, all he ever did was giving out excuses, and running away from the truth like the coward he was. 

The girl, once again, timidly asked him. The question that he didn't want to answer. The question that he was afraid to confront.

"Rudy, aren't you lonely?"

"…"

"Of course, I'm lonely."

History had a funny way of repeating itself, and poor Rudy here was about to do a whole re-shoot. On a quiet evening, a boy heartbroken with his life’s little sorrows poured his heart out to a stranger he just met. The irony in it was enough to burst him into a laugh, but Rudy was too emotionally drained to do so.

 A story of arrogance, greed for attention, and betrayal. Whatever secret he had; she knew it all.

"I'm sorry to hear all of that. What they did to you was horrible." The girl gave her condolences. Well, it was the very least she could do, not like it helped or anything. Rudy took a glance at the girl. She was sitting beside him, hugging her knees to her chest, wearing a solemn expression. Today was a mess overall, but it would be a lie if Rudy said he felt a lot worse than he was minutes ago. Talking to this girl did lift a huge chunk of weight off his chest.

Maybe, she wasn't so bad, after all.

"…"

More the reason why the both of them couldn't be associated with each other. He slowly got up…

…before he felt a light tug at his sleeves, again.

"Where do you think you're going? You still haven't agreed to us becoming friends yet."

At any other moment, Rudy would've slapped her hand away. He was too tired to deal with her shenanigans, and frankly, he had no mood to make some new friends. But he couldn't find it in him to do so. Rudy's conscious screamed for clarity. The fear of being used again clashed with his desire for connection, and he found himself at an impasse, unable to choose between the two.

And thus, he spoke whatever came first into his mind. "Why me, of all people? You knew who I am and what I did, and if anyone sees the both of us together, people would assume the worst about you. And yet, despite knowing all that, you still insist on choosing me. So, why?"

The girl awkwardly rubbed her chin, while her gaze dropped to the ground. "W-Well, I already have no friends, to begin with. So I don't have to worry about what others said or anything. And besides, we're both loners, so…"

Rudy opted to remain silent. He wasn't sure how to deal with a response like that. The girl then lifted her gaze up and brought it to meet his. "Just now, you asked me why I always hung around here. Well, there were two reasons why. First, I once saw you rushed out to a store nearby just to feed that stray cat. From then on, I knew you're a somewhat decent person."

The boy's face lighted up a bit hearing that. Him, a decent person? No one has ever said such nice things to him, and he never believed himself to be one, anyway. It did feel strangely nice, though.

"As for the second one, um, you might think bad of me for this, but…" The girl hesitated before reluctantly continuing. "…I was already in the dumps, back then. I went to the park to release some steam, and that's when I saw you sitting at the swings, sulking by yourself. Seeing you being all miserable…made me happy. Someone out there is the same, if not, worse than me. Ever since then, I always come here to feel a tad better about myself."

“…oh.” Rudy had eyes like saucers hearing that. How was he going to reply to such a confession? Should he be mad that she, technically, was looking down on him? Or should he be relieved that she wasn’t plotting anything to harm him like he initially feared? And those words she said; it was the same thing he did when tending to that cat.

There were so many things he wanted to tell her, and so he finally decided on one.  

"You're…a horrible person, aren't you?"

"Tch, I don't want to hear that coming from someone who beats up people for fun." The girl argued back.

Rudy blew air out of his nose. "Hmph, now I see why you have such a hard time making friends."

"Huh!? What is that supposed to mean?" She asked back, feeling annoyed.

"The way you talk, it's too straightforward," answered the boy with a plain stare on his face. "Not like it's a bad thing, but for people who you rarely know, it gives a bad first impression. Forget making friends, it was over before it even began."

"So, you're saying I need to lie?"

Rudy scratched the back of his head, racking his brain to find the exact words to use. "Um, no. What I mean is that, know when to be honest and when to lie. Not everyone likes to hear the truth, you know." How ironic seeing he, a delinquent, giving someone life advice. The day just got even weirder.

The girl slightly tilted her head. "Huh, my friends never said anything about that."

"That's because they already knew you for so long. They got used to it."

"I see…" She nodded her head in response, much like a student listening to a teacher's lecture. It was a miracle how she hadn't got bullied before. Guess she really wasn't lying when she said she depended heavily on her friends.

Not long after, she spoke up. "That does it. You're the one that can help me with my problems." She announced with such confidence in her voice, taking Rudy by surprise. "Woah, hold on. I haven't agreed to anything yet."

"Please, you need to help me. You're the only one right now who sees this side of me, and I'm not sure if I can ask others for help…I'll do anything, I swear!" She clasped her hand, begging for Rudy to compile. How persistent. "Oh, I know. I'm pretty good at my studies. Why don't I help you with that, instead? Now, we're even, right?"

"No means no. What part of that you don't understand?" Rudy insisted. Everything about this was too absurd, there was no way he could agree to such things. "And besides, it's too late for me, anyway."

"Is that really what you think? Don't you ever want to turn things around?"

"I…"

Rudy averted his eyes. Truth be told, he wanted things to change and return to what once was. His old friends, his old family, much as he hated his father. At least, he had something back then. Unlike now, where he achieved his freedom, but at what cost?

And that glimmer of hope, that second chance was dangling right in front of him, through this girl. All he had to do was agree to her requests…

"There's never too late, you know. We're still high-schoolers, so don't talk like you're dying or something."

"Tch, how annoying…" Rudy brushed off her comments, but perhaps that was the final push that he needed. Looking back at her, he sighed heavily in defeat, before reluctantly answering: "Fine, you win. I'll follow along with your plans."

The girl, however, was happy beyond relief hearing that. "Really!? Then, it's a deal. You and I will be helping each other from now on until we both become less pathetic. Until then, let's hang out as friends." She then offered her hand to Rudy, and at that moment, he hesitated once more. His mind told him to accept it, but his gut warned him of past events that may repeat themselves should he agree with this.

"Or, if we're using your terms, then it's a contract. I shall use you to help me find new friends, and you shall use me to fix yourself. How's that sound?"

Did she hear herself talk? That just made everything worse, though Rudy guessed this plan was silly enough as it was. At the end of the day, his life was already at rock bottom, surely it couldn't get worse than that, right? And so, with nothing left to lose, Rudy accepted her hand, surrendering to whatever fate had in store for him. "Alright, then. Hope we can get along, uh…um…"

The girl looked at him puzzled before her face lit up in realisation. "Oh, sorry. I guess I haven't told you my name, huh. It's Hiyori. Nice to meet you, Rudy."

"…"

"…that's a weird name."

"Excuse me!?"

Chapter Text

The few weeks after that felt like a fever dream to Rudy. When his life spiralled downwards, he expected to see himself in some random back alley smoking his life away or wasting his teenage years rotting in a jail cell. After all, he didn't deserve happy, fairy-tail-like endings like the ones depicted in shows. People like him, the only thing they deserved was a cold, lonely end to their miserable lives. People died as they lived; what a fitting end for Rudy's story.

And yet, here he was, prepping a girl his age on how to talk to people during recess. First off, he wasn't the right person to ask for these things. He tried to drill that into her head, but Hiyori was more stubborn than he thought, leaving him no choice but to surrender to her demands. How did her old friends deal with her? That remained a mystery.

"Alright, so the first thing you can do is to try and start some small talk. Maybe, start by pointing out how good the weather is, or how cruel the teacher is with their homework." Rudy leaned his back on the wall, watching as Hiyori nodded her head, slowly digesting his words. "As long as you have a topic to talk about, then you should be fine…I think."

"That sounds easy enough. Yeah, I think I can do it." Hiyori said so with much confidence. The enthusiasm this girl had, and yet she looked so timid. Rudy was a bit impressed, at least. "Alright, then start with that girl, the one sitting under that tree over there." He pointed toward its direction. It was lunch break, so it was perfect for both of them to meet since it would not attract much attention.

"O-Oh…okay…" Hiyori answered unconvincingly. Where did all that energy go? "What, you jelly?"

"W-What!? Of course, not. I can do it…I think."

After some more pep talk, Hiyori finally made her way toward the girl, with Rudy 'giving moral support' from behind. One would've thought she got this in the bag, but something about the way she walked made Rudy doubt that. Her posture, her body language, her stiff movements; it was all off! If he had to describe it, she looked like a scared student entering the principal's office, or a stealthy assassin walking up to their victim. "You're going to scare her like that..."

Rudy couldn't bear to watch any longer. Wanting to distract himself, his hands went inside his pocket. "I really need a smoke right now…"

…

Not long after, Hiyori returned, and the grim look on her face was all Rudy needed to know. "That was awkward as hell, I'm not doing that again." She sulked while her hands gripped her shirt in frustration.

"It can't be that bad, right?"

"No, it was terrible! Things were already awkward when I approached her. I mean, who wouldn't when a stranger suddenly went up to you and started talking about the weather? And then, our small talk was so short-lived, that I ran out of ideas! We both just sat in silence for ten minutes!" The longer Hiyori ranted, the more her face cringed out of embarrassment, so much so that even Rudy felt it. "I feel like I'm going to cry…"

"C-C'mon now, let's not give up that easily…look, there's always a second chance, yeah? We can try some other way." What am I even saying? Rudy honestly didn't know, as he simply took anything that crossed his mind and shot it like an amateur firing away from his gun.

And somehow, it worked. "Yeah, you're right…I should've seen this coming. There's no way I will succeed that fast, right?" Hiyori exhaled a dry sigh, as her face slowly relaxed. She wiped the sweat from her forehead, before looking at Rudy, smiling. "Thanks for cheering me up, by the way."

"O-Oh, it was nothing, mm…" Getting compliments from someone? Such a foreign concept, but Rudy felt like he could get used to it. It did feel nice, though…

“You know, I have been wondering about something.” Hiyori turned to Rudy, feeling curious. “You were panicking so hard before approaching that girl, and yet you seemed just fine when talking to me back when we first met. What’s up with that?”

The girl looked at him momentarily, before answering, “Well, it wasn’t like I myself came to you to talk. You were the one that came to me first, right?”

Rudy scratched his head, trying to recall said events. “Huh, that makes sense.” He was the one that started the whole argument, and her responses probably came down like a snowball rolling down a hill. “Wait, so had I not come to you, you would never try to talk to me?”

“Yeah,” Hiyori nodded. “I did think of approaching you first, but as you already knew, I was too scared to do so, which explained why I only sat on the bench for weeks. It was good that you did, though.” She ended with a smile, though it was more naïve than it was sweet.

“You shouldn’t rely on other people to make the first move, you know…” sighed the boy.

“Hmph. Pot calling kettle black, much?” She retaliated with a pout.   

“What did you—” Before Rudy could pull a witty response, the school bell loudly rang, marking their break time was over. “Huh, time sure flies fast. Well, see you later, then,” said the girl, totally forgetting of the talk they just had.

Both of them moved on their separate ways before Hiyori suddenly called him from behind.

"Oh, one more thing. You really need to stop smoking. Don’t think I don’t notice your smelly breath."

And with that, she walked towards her class, and Rudy was left there, feeling slightly offended. "This woman and her constant nagging…" He uttered under his breath. It wasn't like he didn't want to stop, but he couldn't imagine himself going through a day without a cigar in hand. It was as if his entire life depended on it, and if he didn't do it, his mind might go into a frenzy. But she did have a point, that the first step towards self-improvement was to eliminate any bad habits. Sooner or later, he had to throw away his cigarettes.

"I'll stop smoking…next week."

"So, from what I see, you struggle a lot with Maths, correct?" Hiyori asked, beginning their study session.

"Well, more like, everything, I guess. It's been a while since I ever touched a textbook." Rudy confessed with a heavy voice. He used to stuff his face with equations and formulas back when getting good grades was his only goal in life. But that was a long time ago, and Rudy wasn't sure whether he could catch up with the current studies. "I don't think this is going to work." He voiced his concern.

"It will be a huge hurdle, but still. We need to try, or else you'll keep getting bad grades for the rest of your life! You don't want that, do you?" Hiyori tried to pep him up, displaying a determined face. If she asked him that question a few months ago, he would be begging on his knees for her to take him in as her protégé. However, now Rudy couldn't even care less about it. He wanted to say that…

But the look on her face was too pure for him to refuse to, much like a cat sadly staring at him for hours, with those innocent-looking eyes. There was no use in resisting. "Alright then. I'll be in your care from now on…"

Rudy roughly sighed. Since when did he become so soft?

…

It had to be because of her.

A few weeks have passed since their agreement, and since then, Rudy found himself spending more and more time with Hiyori. It wasn't like he had a choice; she was the only one willing enough to be inches near him. If before, his routine was wasting time at school, then doing some more time-wasting at the park, now it was slightly productive, emphasis on slightly. He still didn't want Hiyori to openly talk to him at school, so their best choice was at the park.

With each time, he learnt bit by bit about Hiyori, the girl who randomly asked to be friends, comedic as it was. She is half-Asian, thanks to her father marrying a Japanese woman. Unfortunately, a few years after her birth, her mother died from an illness, so she never knew her well. And so, her father was the central pillar of her life, as he gave everything he had for her only daughter. Such a loving father, Rudy couldn't help but felt a bit jealous. She hated sports, loved fashion, surprisingly liked spicy food, and was very bad with small talk; a very timid person, yet only with a certain group of people did she click with, and her whole personality burst with energy. Sassy, funny, sometimes weird. But it was entertaining, in a way. And the only ones who saw that side of her were her old friends…and Rudy himself.

That realisation made him…happy. Even more so when her old friends now moved to another school. In a way, the only person who knew this side of her was him.

"…Rudy? Are you even listening?"

Hiyori's voice, along with the tapping noise of her pen on his book woke him up from his thoughts. "You need to focus, you know," said the girl with a stern voice.

Rudy wiped his flushed face. How embarrassing of him to be caught like that. "Sorry…"

"Well, we have been studying for some time, now…" She sighed, closing her book right after. "Want to take a break?"

…

The wind blew softly, accompanying the quiet afternoon as a group of kids not far from both of them were playing basketball. Rudy and Hiyori were enjoying their break with a canned soda at hand, simply enjoying the peaceful atmosphere of the park, letting the frizzly drink washing away their fatigue.

Hiyori stretched her arms wide, letting out a groan. "Man, I could eat a full house right now."

"Feeling hungry?" Rudy continued sipping his soda. "Yeah, studying really makes me tired and hungry. Don't you feel the same?"

"Hmm, not really. I mean, I do get tired. But hungry…"

Hiyori suddenly dropped her chin onto the table. "Ahh, I want to eat cake so bad…" She whined, and Rudy swore her face was melting like a burnt marshmallow. What a sight that was, he couldn't help but chuckled a little. "What's so funny?"

"No. It's just that, I don't know that you like to eat cake."

"It's not like I eat it daily, it's just one of those days where I have a sudden craving for it." She swept away a falling leaf from her notebook, showing off the magnificence that was her lazy face. "What about you, Rudy? What's your favourite food?"

Now that was a question Rudy hadn't heard in a long time, probably since kindergarten. "Hmm, I don't think I have any in particular. I just eat whatever tastes good."

The girl found his answer unamusing. "Boo, you're boring! So plain!" She jeered, putting her tongue out.

"Shut up! It's my taste, so whatever. And besides, won't eating cake makes you fat or something?"

"…"

"…"

Eh? Why wasn't she anything? Rudy leaned closer and…

"…sob…how cruel, Rudy. Is that how you talk to a girl…sob…"

"That has to be the worst fake-crying I have ever heard." The boy pointed out with his deadpan voice. Silly him for even thinking she got offended by his comments.

"Tch…" Hiyori annoyingly hissed. She was about to say something witty before something caught her attention. "Hey, it's that cat again!"

The girl crouched down, lifted the grey cat from the ground, and brought it onto the table. That little guy sure looked better than before. Well, that was obvious when he had two people to pamper him, no wonder he looked healthier, and fatter too. Someone's been living their life to the fullest. "You hear that, Neko? Rudy's being a meanie again, calling me fat and all. How heartless." Hiyori whispered to the cat while petting it lovingly.

Laughing at her little dramatic act aside, Rudy noticed an unfamiliar name she just mentioned. "Neko? Is that his name?"

"Yep, isn't it cute? In Japanese, the word literally means cat. How fitting, don't you think?"

No shit, Sherlock. "You think the cat likes it?"

"Of course, he does. Right, Neko?"

Neko responded by flipping his body over, giving out a loud purr while exposing his belly, earning a squeal from Hiyori. "Hehe, you like it, don't you? Good boy~"

Seeing Hiyori like that, gently rubbing the cat's belly under the warm sunlight of a quiet afternoon, with the sounds of birds chirping, stirred something in Rudy, making him feel fuzzy and warm inside. He didn't know why, but compared to the times he reminisced about his past; this one was different. Hearing Hiyori's little laughs, feeling her excitement playing with the cat, watching her smiling from ear to ear, it all felt so…genuine.

A thought manifested in his head. If I remain friends with her, would I see more of this in the future?

"…"

Rudy shook his head. Curse him for getting carried away with sappy things like that. This relationship he had was nothing but temporary. Soon, after they both reached their respective goals, their little 'contract' would end, and Hiyori would go on her separate way. It all felt like a dazzling dream, and thus Rudy should treat it as such.

Speaking of which, his tongue began to itch once more. He reached for his pocket, and—

"Oi, Rudy. How many times do I have to tell you to stop smoking?"

That voice almost shocked him by surprise, reminding him that Hiyori was right there, in front of him. It was rude of Rudy to smoke in front of others, and he did feel bad about it, but the sudden desire in him was too much to suppress. "Sorry, but just this once, I promise." He half-heartedly answered, lighting up the lighter.

But Hiyori was having none of that. The moment Rudy turned away, the lighter on his hand suddenly snatched from his hands, earning a gasp from him. "What the hell was that all about!? I told you, just this once."

"Rudy, how many times have you been saying that?" Hiyori snapped at him.

"Well, I…"

"Exactly. You're not going to make any progress if you keep taking things lightly. So…" She then held out her hand towards him. "Give me."

Rudy blankly stared at her. "Give you what?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

His mind went blank for a moment before things began to click. "My cigarettes? You can't just—"

"Either you throw it yourself, or hand it over to me." Her strict voice struck his heart with no mercy. What happened to the happy, cutesy girl a few moments ago? "Khh, you fucking…"

Even with his anger slipping out of his mouth, Hiyori remained firm, not once showing a face of doubt or fear. Much as Rudy hated to admit it, she was right. If no drastic steps were taken, then nothing would change. A determined person would do whatever it takes to reach the goal in mind, and if Rudy wanted to turn over a new leaf, sacrifices were unavoidable.

"Trust me, Rudy. This is for your own good. Or, are you telling me you're so weak you can't even stop this addiction of yours?" The girl sneered, and the words she said ticked him off the wrong way. Addiction? Him? There was no way he became addicted to smoking! He can stop wherever he wanted, he just chose not to. Why would he stop doing something that gave him pleasure? The nerve of this girl to challenge him! If that was how she was going to play this game, then…

"You're going to eat those words. I'll show you that I'm not addicted." He hissed in anger and roughly threw the pack of cigarettes. Hiyori caught it with ease, smirking. "See, that wasn't too bad. I know you can do it, Rudy."

The boy scoffed as a reply.  It didn't matter how he did it, Rudy swore that he would stop smoking, and it would be all the worth just to see Hiyori's dumb face when he succeeded. It's just smoking, he repeated in his head. He can stop for a few weeks…

…right?

Time passed by, and Hiyori had been showing slow, albeit good progress. Instead of aiming for random students, she met during recess breaks, she aimed for something far easier; her classmates. She used to be only on speaking terms with them before her original friends moved away, so their conversations were always around their daily studies and group projects, and even then, she was never the one to initiate a talk. But ever since she became 'acquaintances' with Rudy, Hiyori somehow found the courage to slowly open up.

"So, how was it?" Rudy asked.

Hiyori hesitated, letting her fingers twirl around her black hair. "It was weird at first, but then after a while, we suddenly clicked and began to have fun talking."

"I see, then that's good." Rudy sighed in relief, but the girl's face still showed discontent. "I don't know, sometimes I feel like they don't want me to be around."

"To be fair, your classmates are used to you not talking to them, so it makes sense that they reacted weird at first. But then you were having fun, correct?"

"It seems like it." She murmured.

"Then, they do want you to be around. Maybe they're happy that you're finally talking to them."

"You seem to be awfully optimistic. Something good happening in your life, hmm?" Hiyori smirked, nudging him in the stomach. Rudy simply chuckled in return. "Heh, I can say the same to you."

"You helped me a lot, you know. Just talking to you made me feel a bit more confident about myself, though I do feel scared from time to time. Like, what if they were thinking that all this time, I had been cold towards them, and now I started to approach them only after I had no friends? It's…unsettling to think about it."

"Well, I do see where you're coming from. Honestly, you…"

Rudy was about to say something, but his words trailed off, as his body suddenly reacted in a way he didn't expect.

"Rudy, what's wrong?" Hiyori voiced her concern, but the boy brushed it off. "Sorry, but I need to use the bathroom." Without waiting for her response, he rushed towards the nearest stall.

…

 Optimistic? Something good happening? What a load of bullshit.

Words were so cheap, these days. A politician can preach about the importance of doing good for society and yet didn't believe any single word of it. A man can share his advice about love, and yet he struggled with the same problems he taught others. Anyone can say anything, which was why humans were all hypocrites. Rudy knew better. After all, he dealt with one himself.

Everyone wore a mask. Sometimes to fool others, and sometimes to fool themselves, thinking that they were a better man, but in the end, they were nothing but a pile of shit laying on the ground.

"…hah…hah…"

Rudy's tongue twitched. Even after he rinsed his face with water, trying to calm himself, it didn't work. His body screamed, begging for that daily dose of pleasure, that short-lived ecstasy that he indulged in for so long. It seemed these past few days of not doing it were finally catching up to him.

He needed a cigarette in his mouth right this instant. Yet the thing that stopped him from doing so was…

"…are you so weak that you can't even stop this addiction of yours?"

Her words kept buzzing in his ear like a fly, as Rudy struggled to even form a coherent thought. His heart told him to remain strong and true to his words, but his body desired that sweet taste, consequences are damned.

"I…I…"

…

Rudy made up his mind. He walked out of the bathroom stall, and after making sure that no one noticed him, he sneaked through the school gate and walked away. So what if he skipped classes? So what if Hiyori got mad at him? He has always been living by his rules, and never bowed down to others.

After all, there was no greater salvation than admitting that you were a piece of shit of a human being.

Smoking has been Rudy's solution to his problems for a long time. Whenever he felt down, he took a cigar and lit it up. Whenever he needed to escape his problems, he took a cigar and lit it up. Whenever he felt angry, he took a cigar and lit it up. It might be an exaggeration, but Rudy's entire life revolved around smoking, and he couldn't imagine himself going through a day without it. To an extent, it had become a part of him.

"…are you so weak that you can't even stop this addiction of yours?"

Maybe he was.

Rudy thought of apologising to Hiyori for breaking his promise, and that may put an end to their little 'game' they were playing, but it was time to accept that he wasn't good enough. These past few months of so-called 'self-improvement', were nothing but a waste of time. All of that progress got thrown away, and he was back to square one. But did it really matter? No matter how hard he tried, the damage has been done. He would forever be branded as a delinquent who once beat up a student in public. No one would ever forget such a thing, so why Rudy should trouble himself fighting in a losing war?

Hiyori was different. These few months, she had been slowly opening herself up to other people, albeit she was still scared, but still, there was some progress. She was already on her way to improving herself, and that meant one thing.

Rudy would be no longer needed. And thus, it was all for naught.

He was at the park, sitting on his favourite swing set, before he noticed that stray cat, or Neko as Hiyori called him, staring at him from afar. Rudy whistled, calling the cat to come close. But then…

…he felt a quick slap on his wrist, causing him to let his cig fall.

"Really? This is what you've been doing this whole day? Just sitting around doing nothing but smoke that stupid thing?"

Rudy emptily stared at the cigar on the ground. "I haven't finished using that, you know."

Hiyori became even more irritated. "Don't screw with me, here! You said that you're going to stop, but you didn't really mean it, do you? And you even skipped the whole school, too. Are you even taking this seriously!?"

Her loud voice rang in his ears. Rudy was losing his patience.

"Answer me!"

"…do you know how much that cost?"

Hiyori let out a gasp. "Huh?"

"These things, they may look small, but they're not cheap, you know." Rudy then crouched down, picking up the dirty cigarette. "Look at this. It's still half-burnt, but now, it's just a waste."

The girl couldn't believe what she just heard. Her face flared up in anger seeing his nonchalant expression. "Do you really care about money so much that you're willing to destroy your body? Do you even know what these things can do to you? It could—"

"YOU THINK I DON'T FUCKING KNOW THAT!?"

Rudy's sudden outburst brought the park into a dead silence, as all eyes were now on them. Hiyori flinched a bit. Her entire body tensed up, frozen by fear. Rudy's emotions were all over, unable to think straight. Once more, he let his anger take hold of him.

"I'm not stupid, Hiyori. I know what these things can do to me, but I can't help myself!" He half-shouted, bringing the pack in front of her face, trying to prove a point. "This thing, this piece of shit that you people despise so much, it's the only thing that keeps me from going insane! If I go through a day without it, I would…I would…"

"All the more reason for you to stop, then! How can you not see such an obvious thing!? You don't need to depend on that stuff just to live, Rudy." She argued. Her voice was shaky, but she remained persistent, holding her ground. Her eyes were getting watery, either from fear, or anger.

The boy shook his head, rejecting her words. "You keep blabbing about things you don't understand. You don't know what I've been through."

"You're right, I don't. But I don't need to understand just to know that smoking is bad. At this rate, you're not going to achieve anything!"

The air surrounding them felt heavier. Both of them were literally shouting at each other's faces, and none refused to change their minds. The more Rudy stayed there, the more irritated he became, and at that point, he wanted nothing more than to walk away and never see her face again. These last few months with Hiyori have been nothing but a dream, and it was time for Rudy to wake up.

There was no way he would make a friend after all the things he did. He didn't deserve it.

"So, you come all the way here, just to lecture me on how to live my life? Who do you think you are!? Don't think you can run your mouth like that just because we're friends—no, we're not even friends, are we? You dragged me into this little game of yours just so you could feel better about yourself, isn't it!?"

Hiyori didn't give a reply. Her eyes widened in shock, as her mouth left agape. Rudy didn't stop there. "Good for you huh, Hiyori? A little, lonely girl who is too much of a coward to even talk to people, is now making friends. I wonder when they will know the real you? You know what, I hope they do, so that they can know just how much of a shitty person you are!"

"…"

Silence. Realising what the things he just said, he instinctively covered his mouth, as reality began to sink in. But it was too late. Hiyori's facial expressions were more than enough.

"Is that…what you think of me?"

Tears, both sadness and pain, fell down her face. Hiyori's breath hitched, as she struggled to make up a sentence. "Am I really that terrible to you?"

"Hiyori, wait. I…"

The boy tried to reach her, but the moment he saw her backing away, it was too late. "Fine, then. If that's what you want, then keep smoking that thing. I don't care anymore!" Her words struck his heart, as Hiyori stormed away, leaving Rudy all alone.

He wanted to punch himself for being so stupid and careless, letting his emotions take hold again. He didn't mean to say those things, but who was left for him to convince?

Perhaps, this was the right thing. Rudy knew that their relationship would come to an end sooner or later. On paper, it shouldn't happen in the first place. He was doomed to fail, and he would do nothing but drag her down. The rotten, aimless life has always been Rudy's life, and no matter how far he ran, eventually, he would return to it.

A person who is friends with someone who sells perfume will always smell good, while those who are friends with someone who melts metal will have their clothes soiled. Hiyori would be better off not associating with someone like him, so maybe this was a blessing in disguise. Rudy hoped that would be the case.

He dearly hoped so.

Something was keeping Rudy from falling asleep. He pulled up the curtains and stared at the distant moon from the windows. Things returned to what they used to be. Rudy had everything he wanted. A place of solitude, cigarettes to keep him calm, a sense of normalcy; surely, he would be happy.

So, what was the reason for this emptiness he felt?

At first, he ignored such feelings residing in his heart. He wasn't a stranger to loneliness, after all. He no longer had friends to hang out with, and the latest one he had ended on a terrible note. They didn't see each other anymore after that incident, though it made sense for her to despise him and never wanted to see him again. The words he said were too much, leaving a deep scar in her heart.

But as days went by, that loneliness began to take over his mind. It wasn't like that before, when his dad refused to acknowledge him, or when no one wanted to listen to him, or when his friends left him. No, it was more than that. It felt more painful, slowly killing him from the inside. The sense of longing that plagued his heart grew larger and larger, sometimes making him lost some sleep.

Rudy thought his childish desire for attention was the cause for this aching. But no, it was different, though the fundamentals were the same. It wasn't the memory of him with his siblings that triggered it, nor the ones with his friends. It was more personal, more grounded in reality. Like talking with someone during recess, or studying with someone at the park during a peaceful afternoon…

"Ugh, what is wrong with me…"

Rudy cursed himself for being weak and foolish. He thought he would be content with it, that things would eventually end like this, and there was nothing he could do. He told himself to never get attached and to expect all of this would come crashing down due to his violent nature.

But even so, those times spent with her were too wonderful for him to simply forget it. For a long time, he never felt so content and happy just being with someone. He didn't have to pretend to be a tough person, since she accepted him for who he was. She saw all of his flaws, and still decided to stick with him. And in a way, he too accepted her for who she was.

He truly has become soft. And it all started with that girl he met at that park.

Rudy wasn't sure whether it was sufficient or not. It may look cheap and insincere, and she might even think he was taking this whole thing lightly, but it was the only way he knew how to fix all of this. And so, the moment the school bell rang, Rudy dashed towards the school gate and went straight for the nearest bakery store. The hostile stares he got from other customers were awkward, but he didn't blame them. Who wouldn't after seeing a punk-like student rushing into a shop? One might think that he was there for trouble, but this time, there were no hidden tricks under his sleeves.

He ended up buying a slice of cheesecake, not knowing whether it was Hiyori's favourite or not. But it didn't matter. He just wanted to see her again.

With the small box at hand, he made his way back to the school grounds. Only around half an hour has passed, so some of the students should still be there, and the possibility of Hiyori being involved in club activities was present, too. However, as to what club she's in, Rudy had no idea. He never bothered to check it, and simply asking other students was a no-go, so he had no choice but to play a game of trial and error.

Unfortunately, the game was dragged on beyond his liking. The laboratory, the classroom, the art room, and even the track field; Hiyori was nowhere to be seen. And time kept on ticking, and at this rate, finding her would be an arduous task.

"…"

Rudy felt his fingers gripping the plastic bag. Perhaps this was a sign, an omen that he should stop pursuing her. After all, it was for her own good, right? That the both of them stopped seeing each other. No rumours would surround her, and her high school life wouldn't be ruined. He needed to stop being selfish and think about others.

But Rudy was far from a selfless person. People only start to care about things only after they lose them. Rudy did take her friendship for granted, and as a result, it slipped right out of his fingertips.

He needed to see her and put an end to this guilt hanging over him. Even if she hated him, even if she rejected him, it was fine. All he wanted was a proper closure.

Gaining whatever resolve he had left, Rudy began to walk once more, before he realised where he was. To his right was the library, the one place he hadn't checked yet.

"This might be it…" He muttered, as he gently opened the door.

…

Back then, Rudy's friends never thought of coming to the library, as they preferred things like sports or games, so he rarely ever came here, even less so when he was still with Andy. And now, he found himself in a sanctuary of knowledge, and with his appearance, he stuck out like a bad apple out of a bunch. And of course, everyone in the room gasped as they turned their heads toward him. "Rough to a bad start…" He sighed.

"R-Rudy!? What do you want?" One of the librarians went up to him, and her face clearly told him that he was unwanted here. The boy swallowed a gulp. The last thing he wanted was to create more unwanted attention, so he needed to play his cards right. "I just want to read some books. Can't I do that?"

"You're kidding, right? Why would a delinquent like you be in a boring place like this?" The librarian asked back. Her words hurt, but that was only because it was true. "I just feel like it. Want to have a change of pace." Rudy answered calmly.

"Bullshit."

"Look, you can kick me out if I cause some trouble, I promise. Just let me in, okay?" The librarian sternly looked at him, unsure whether to act as a fair librarian or a wary student. "Fine, then. You may enter. But make a mistake, and I need you to leave. You got that?"

What a statement, but he digressed. "Thanks," he replied, but before Rudy could walk away, she suddenly stopped him. "By the way, what are you carrying in that box?"

He looked at her, confused. "Er, food?"

"You…do know food is not allowed here, right?" She gave a wooden response. "Either you finish it outside or leave."

"Well, I…" His eyes darted left and right, trying to cook an excuse before…

"…huh, Rudy?"

From the corner of his eye, a girl suddenly emerged from the tall shelves. Though she tied her hair into two pigtails, her voice was instantly recognisable. The second he laid his eyes on her, huge waves of relief coursed through him as if he was lost inside a dark cave, and after hours and hours of mindless walking, light shined through from the cracks, showing that he was near the exit.

Rudy was happy. So, so happy. 

"Oh, you have something with him, Hiyori?"

"Um, yeah. He is a…" Hiyori abruptly stopped, before wildly glancing at Rudy. If people knew both of them used to be on friendly terms, rumours would spread across like wildfire, and that meant nothing but chaos. Rudy gave her a tense expression, hoping that she would catch on to it quickly.

And somehow, she understood it. "We're actually partners for a class project. We were supposed to have a meeting today, but I must have forgotten about it, heh."

Was that little chuckle necessary? Even the librarian gave the both of them a weird look, but before she could say anything, Hiyori went forward and grabbed Rudy's hand, saying, "Well, Rudy. Let's go, shall we?" She displayed a forced smile while dragging the boy towards the door, making their escape.

When they were a few steps away from the library and made sure no one followed them, Hiyori finally turned towards him, annoyed. "What the hell was that all about? You're the one that said we shouldn't meet in the open, and now you're doing this!?"

"…sorry." Rudy timidly answered.

"…"

"…"

Silence hung over them, as both Rudy and Hiyori struggled to look each other in the eye. They didn't verbalise it, but that last fight was still fresh in their minds, reminding them of the pain that they both inflicted.

Rudy was the one that broke the silence. "C-Can we…talk?"

Hiyori didn't say a word, but her body language showed him more than enough. Her quivering lips, her furrowing eyebrows, her fingers lightly tugging her hair; she was struggling to give an answer. Rudy admitted that he did put her in a tough spot, but he desperately needed a conclusion to all of this, whether it be good or bad.

"…"

"…alright, then. Let's talk."

Rudy thought he prepared for this. He already imagined the scenario multiple times-what words to say, the possibility of her rejecting him completely, he readied himself for such scenarios. And yet, all of that effort came crumbling down when he had been given the real deal. Even the best performers had to calm themselves before going on stage, let alone a teenager like him.

Both of them were at the familiar park once more, sitting on the familiar wooden table they used to study together. Feelings of unease surrounded them; both were unsure of how and where to start. But this silence couldn't go on forever.

Rudy decided to bite the bullet. "Actually, I…"

His voice overlapped with Hiyori's.

"You can go first."

"No, it's alright, Rudy. You go first."

"O-Okay, then…" He took a deep breath, arranging his mind. "I'm sorry, Hiyori. For everything. I wasn't thinking straight back then, but that shouldn't be an excuse for what I did. What I said to you back then, I didn't mean it. I really didn't. It's just, I was so angry, you know? It felt like you were attacking me personally, and I just couldn't take it. Deep down, I know what you're saying is the truth, and I was too much of a coward to admit it. So, I'm really, really sorry."

Rudy's hands were under the table, and it was shaking terribly. He felt a trail of sweat rolling down his neck, and he almost stuttered a few times. It was hard after all, to admit that you were in the wrong, putting down your pride in the process. No one liked to be humiliated, so they resorted to shifting the blame entirely on literally anyone but themselves, and Rudy was one of those people. He used to blame his father for his failures, his friends for betraying him, and the cigarettes for his addiction. But never once had he stopped for just a moment and thought to himself, that all of his shortcomings were all because of him.

It was a wake-up call, a bitter pill to swallow. But he had to do it. 

"…"

Hiyori had been awfully silent. Rudy wondered what sort of face she had at that moment, but he didn't dare to lift his face. He closed his eyes shut, mentally preparing himself for the harsh words.

"I'm sorry, too."

"…huh?"

He thought his ears were playing tricks on him, and so he lifted his head, only to find the girl, who was sitting across him, wore a solemn expression. "I was angry too, at that time. The fact that we promised and you went and broke it behind my back. It felt like a betrayal. But I was being so harsh to you. You were right, Rudy. I always thought that stopping a long habit was something easy, but that just shows how naïve I am. I never tried to understand you, and instead forcibly pushed my ideals onto you."

"You know, I was planning to apologise to you for a long time, actually. But every time I saw you walking down the hallway, my entire body froze. I couldn't bring myself to say it, so I remained quiet. I cursed myself for being so cowardly."

It didn't make sense, but to Rudy, her words were like magic, casting a spell on him. And just like that, he felt infinitely better than he was hours ago. His chest rose up and down in a harmonious rhythm, and his stiff shoulders slowly began to relax. He thought of the weeks where he wallowed in self-pity, fearing whether Hiyori would reject him or not. And to think that all of those times could've been avoided…. 

Hiyori continued. "I also treated you pretty badly, huh? When you told me of how I forced you to be my friend so that I could feel better, that was true, you know? That was also why I always hung around the park back then. I'm the worst, aren't I? Just how low could I go…?"

"Don't say such things." Rudy told her.

"But it's true, isn't it? I only cared about myself, so—"

"If that's the case, then you wouldn't tell me to stop smoking." He shook his head, much to Hiyori's surprise. "You were looking out for me, just like a friend should. So, please don't blame yourself."

"…" Hiyori said nothing afterward. That solemn look on her face, full of pain and sorrow, kept bringing Rudy back to that day, much as he loved to forget to. How dearly he hoped for things to go differently, but it was impossible to erase what's already written. And so, with everything's said and done, what was the next step for them to take?

Rudy raised a proposal. "H-Hiyori, do you want to become f—"

The sharp pain from biting his tongue stopped him from continuing. Few months of them spending time together, and yet he didn't know how to describe this relationship they had. Instead, he opted to use her own words. "Do you want to continue our deal?"

Hiyori raised her head, showing a lukewarm smile. "Are you sure? I'm not a good person, you know."

"You're still saying that?"

"…"

A light hum came out from her shut lips, as Rudy scrambled his brain for answers. It might be true that the best solution was for them to separate ways and avoided the chances of hurting each other. But for once, Rudy wanted to believe that everything would be alright. That one scene of them happily studying together was the sole proof that they can work it out. 

"Hey, guess what? I'm not exactly what you call a good person, either. But there's no harm in trying again, right?"

The girl remained silent once more, though her expression had softened a bit. With her left elbow on top of the table, she rested her chin on her palm, looking at Rudy with contentment. "I was right. You did become more optimistic…" A soft sigh escaped from her lips, followed by a smile. This time, a genuine one. "…alright, then. Let's be friends, Rudy."

Her last line almost shook him to his core, making his heart skip a beat. How silly of him. Of course, she looked at him as a friend all this time, and not as a mere acquaintance. "Yeah. Let's be friends, Hiyori." He repeated with a smile of his own, feeling his body slowly relax, as his eyes landed on a small box beside him. "Oh, I almost forgot. I bought something for you."

Hiyori gave out a chuckle. "I was waiting for you to show me what it is." Rudy opened the box, and in it was a cute, small slice of cheesecake. Her eyes widened in surprise. "A cake? For me?"

"You once told me how you wanted to eat a cake. So, I thought I could buy you one as a gift." He sheepishly answered, praying that she would like it. But Hiyori suddenly burst into little giggles, throwing him off. "W-What's so funny?" He asked, feeling his face heating up.

"No, it's just, I don't expect this kind of stuff from you, that's all…" She gasped, trying to catch up with her breath. "…and besides, cheese is not my favourite."

"Oh, really?" Rudy's eyebrows drooped, much like a sad, dejected child. The girl panicked a little seeing his reaction. "Oh no, it's not like I hate it or anything. I just don't like cheese that much."

"Then, do you have a favourite?"

"Chocolate." She answered briefly. Rudy nodded, taking mental notes of that info. Hiyori brought her attention to the food before her. "But still, you bought this for me, might as well enjoy it, right?"

"Go ahead." Rudy watched as Hiyori took the plastic knife and cut the slice into small bite pieces, before she brought it into her mouth, slowly munching the cake. Even if the flavour was not her favourite, the way her small lips slightly curled upwards as she ate it gave Rudy a sense of pride and accomplishment. Such a good look on her face, smiling innocently like that. It certainly fitted her way more than the sorrowful one she wore.

A gust of wind blew past them, and along with it, carried whatever worry they had. Watching the leaves softly sway away, and Hiyori's little noises as she enjoyed the cake, Rudy was struck with an epiphany. All this time, he had been chasing everyone's attention, love, and praises; a childish want to be seen. Before he realised, he was climbing this tall mountain of sin, and as he reached the top and marvelled at his actions, no one was there to congratulate him. A hammer of justice came down, shattering the mountain as he fell into the dark pit of despair and guilt. Everyone shunned him.

Except one. And now, that person was right there in front of him.

Rudy realised how childish and fantasy-like his dreams were. The term 'universally loved' was merely a concept; an idea that would never be attained. No matter what people do, they would always be someone out there that hates you. Rudy found comfort in that reality, for he no longer needed to chase such fantasies.

Even if the whole world hated him, as long as he had her, everything would be fine.

"…"

And in that moment of self-realisation, a spark ignited in Rudy's heart, giving him a weird feeling. The kind where it warmed his chest, brought his face into a blush and caused little knots in his stomach. It was painful, annoying, and perhaps a hassle to deal with, but amidst all that, Rudy didn't seem to mind, as a single thought appeared in his mind.

He never realised just how adorable Hiyori looked.

"Hey, stop staring at me so much. You're making me a bit self-conscious here."

"Huh? Oh, sorry." Rudy immediately averted his gaze. To be caught like that in front of her, how careless of him.

"Oh, I get it! You want to try some, don't you?"

"No, it's fine. It's your cake, after all."

Hiyori's eyebrows furrowed. "Hey, what's up with that attitude, my man? It's so unlike you." She scoffed as she brought the plate closet to him. "C'mon, try some! Trust me, it tastes a lot better when you share it with others."

With her big, dark brown eyes looking at him like that, her small lips widely grinning, her black hair cutely tied into a pigtail, Rudy simply couldn't say no to that. Heaving a sigh, he dragged the plate to his side and took a bite.

"How is it?" Hiyori asked, looking at him with expectancy.

A bit sweet for his liking, but the sourness balanced it out. It wasn't as cold as it initially was, not like it ruined the taste or anything. The cream on top felt a bit thick, but overall…

"…it tastes good."

Chapter Text

Weeks flew by since that day at the park, and things seemed to be turning for the better. Hiyori, while still struggling to make new connections with others, was able to talk to a few students on a constant basis. Her social circle is still considered small, though she didn’t seem to mind it. Who knew opening up a little with people who luckily enough had the same interests could work wonders? It might be a coincidence, but weren’t all friendships started with a mere coincidence?

As for Rudy, his addiction to smoking was still present, but he was able to control it more and more. From once a day to once every two days, and so forth. It was a slow and long process, but he knew better not to push any help aside, and so he persisted. His grades too, which before took a huge nosedive, slowly climbed the ranks. Although, the constant harassment he received was still there, albeit it calmed a little. There were days when he stayed late cleaning up his vandalized table and lockers. Aside from that, good progress.

There was another problem, however. Something that has been bugging Rudy for a while.

It was during recess, and both he and Hiyori were relaxing under a tree shade nearby the school field, idling around as the shouts of students playing football can be heard not afar. Exams week had just flown by, and much to his disbelief, Rudy did somewhat well. Although his marks were barely above the passing grade, so he was still considered at the bottom of the barrel. Still, it was a massive leap from his constant MIAs during exams.

Now that he did something good for once, he wanted to celebrate it. But…

“Why don’t you tell your mom about it? I’m sure it would make her happy.” Hiyori suggested. That would have been the most logical action to take, but Rudy became unsettled hearing that. “That’s the problem. I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve told you before, remember? Me and Mom, we’re not exactly on good terms. She didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just…I get afraid.”

Shame. Regret. Guilt. Those emotions clouded him every time Rudy saw her. His heart screamed for him to come clean, to at least say ‘I’m sorry’, but even that was too much for him to do. Rudy hated how weak and petty he became, but he just couldn’t. How can he ever face her without feeling any ounce of shame? A mere apology wouldn’t change anything. So, was it necessary?

He wanted to apologise but was too scared to do so: Rudy’s dilemma in a nutshell.

“I think you should go for it, Rudy.”

“…I wish I could. But it’s been so long. Would she even want to talk to me?”

“Well, if you never try, you’ll never know.” Hiyori got up, dusting away any dirt on her skirt. “I understand being afraid to do something new. But I think failure in trying is still better than doing nothing at all.”

The boy nodded his head, letting her words ferment well in his mind. All this time, he had been mulling over the possibilities, and yet his situation didn’t get any better. Perhaps, the key here was for Rudy to take a leap of faith.

“I’ll think about it. Thanks, Hiyori. I need to hear that.” Rudy thanked her, to which she beamed at him with a smile. “Now, come on. It’s getting hot.”

…

As they made their way towards the school building, Hiyori suddenly pointed out his hair, noticing the blue dye fading away.

“Oh, that? Yeah, I haven’t reapplied the dye for quite some time.” Rudy explained.

“Hmm, why not?” She asked curiously.

“I…got lazy, I guess.” A half-baked lie, but there was more to it. Every time Rudy looked into the mirror, streaks of blue stared at him back; a fragment of a past he would love to forget. Each time he looked at it, the ghosts of the past haunted him, reminding him of what he once was. And so, Rudy chose to neglect it, letting it slowly fade away with the passage of time.

“Aww, that’s a shame.” Hiyori gave a pitied look. “I always liked your blue hair.”

That took Rudy by surprise. “Y-You do?”

“Yeah. I think you look cool with it.”

“Oh, I see…”

That was weird. She just said she liked his hair, nothing wrong with that. But somehow, that had to be one of the most pleasant things he ever heard. Was it because of the compliment itself? No, it couldn’t be. Had anyone else said the same thing, Rudy would’ve passed it as another empty compliment. But Hiyori was different. Like a magic spell, it stirred a particular emotion in him, that similar feeling he felt back then.

While having an internal crisis, Rudy’s eyes landed on Hiyori’s black hair. It looked so soft and silky, he wanted to run his fingers through it as of late, but there was something missing…

“Say…” He coughed up a few words, trying to fight back the sudden nervousness. “Didn’t you use to tie your hair once?”

 “Hm, I do?” Hiyori pondered for a moment. “Oh, you mean that time I tied it into twin tails?”

“Yes, that one.” Rudy shortly replied.

“I’m surprised you remembered that since I only did it once just to see what it looked like. It was quite a hassle to tie it, though.”

As she said that, Rudy kept stealing glances at her, feeling the mischievous side of him grow, as he wondered what would happen if he did the same thing to her as she did to him. He slid his hands into his pocket, saying: “Aww, that’s a shame. I always liked your hair in twin tails.”

Hiyori suddenly stopped, looking at him bewildered. “Eh, really?”

“Y-Yeah, you looked really, er…” Rudy somehow forgot how to speak. “…c-cute with it.”

He thought he was acting weird, but Hiyori wasn’t any better. Her figure looked smaller, much like a shy cat, and though her face was partially hidden, her red ears couldn’t hide her deepening blush. “T-Thank you.” She squeaked, while her fingers twirled around her hair. “If you want, I can tie my hair like that again…”

“Uh, yeah, mm.” Garbled noises came out of Rudy’s mouth. It was getting awkward for the both of them, so the rest of their walk went on in silence.

Rudy was back at his home, waiting for his mother in the dining room. Unbeknownst to him, his fingers were gripping his bag as if his life depended on it. One might think that he was stressing about his eventual talk with his mom, but that wasn’t the case. Instead, he was left feeling confused, as that memory he had with Hiyori kept rewinding in his brain.

What could’ve possibly happened? If before he was talking to her just fine, being able to say whatever he had in mind, and the same went for her too. But now, he was struggling to even look her in the eye. And even if he did, he couldn’t stop staring at her. It was like a force that pulled him towards her like a magnet, as the whole world became incomprehensible to his conscious, except for her soft, dark-brown eyes. He began to notice the little things too, like how long her eyelashes were, or how mysterious it looked when she was serious, or how it shined like diamonds whenever she passionately talked about her favourite things, or how it fiercely glared when something ticked her off. And that was just her eyes! He hadn’t got to her small lips, or her soft, pinchable cheeks.

It was surreal and overwhelming to a point. Did she apply makeup recently that made her features stand out? But Hiyori always looked the same to Rudy. So, what changed? What could induce such emotions in him, that a mere sight of her smiling and mentioning his name was enough to make his heart throb like never before?

“Oh, Rudy. Sorry for keeping you waiting.” His mom’s voice came out from the kitchen, leaving Rudy no choice but to put his thoughts aside. “It’s okay, Mom,” said the young boy.

“Is there something you want to tell me? You rarely come to me about things.” Rudy squirmed a bit hearing that. It was true that he and his mother have been rather distant, but it wasn’t out of any ill will. Rather, it was the shame mounted on his head for causing all of this turmoil in the family. Numerous times where he wanted nothing more but to come clean, but the cowardice in him was too much to overcome.

But now, it was time for him to change. “There’s something I want to show you.” Rudy said while unzipping his bag. His mother watched in silence, as the boy pulled out a paper sheet. “It’s…my test results. I want you to look at it.”

She hesitantly took the paper, grimacing. This scene used to be a common thing back then, for all the wrong reasons. Ever since his father left, Rudy never once showed to her his exams, so to see it happen again so suddenly took her off guard. She skimmed the paper without any expectations, and her face lit up with surprise. “You…did okay.”

“It’s not much, since I barely passed. But I hope you’re happy with it,” answered the boy, still finding it hard to directly look at her.

“Dear, I hope you know that I’m not trying to pressure you or anything. I mean, I’m happy, of course. But I don’t want you to feel like it’s a burden.”

“It’s nothing like that,” Rudy clarified. “More like, I have to show you proof.”

“Proof of what?” She bluntly asked.

“Proof that I’m changing.”

With a deep breath, Rudy raised his head and finally made eye contact with his mother. The wrinkles on her face, the bags under her eyes, her quite messy hair; she was clearly tired. Of the daily stress, work, everything. No amount of apology could ever make up for what he did, but alas, Rudy had to do it. If not now, when? “I’m sorry, Mom. For causing trouble to you and everyone. I know it took me this long just to say those words, and it probably wouldn’t change anything. It’s just…I got scared of what would happen if you say that you hate me, so I…”

Rudy’s felt like a hot, heavy rock has been placed on top of his chest, making him hard to breathe. All the worst-case scenarios possible began to play in his mind, as his heart sank into a sea of guilt. And here he thought he had steeled himself.

But a mother’s smile, albeit weak, was strong enough to wipe away those venomous thoughts. “Oh, Rudy. You don’t need to prove anything. I already forgave you a long time ago.”

The boy was bewildered, hearing that. “What? But I thought you hated me for—"

“What kind of mother would hate her child?”

“…”

Rudy didn’t say a word, feeling stumped.

“And besides, I was partly to blame, too. As your mother, I should’ve done more to protect you, even Grace and Samuel. But you know how strict your father can be. I guess I can’t even do something as simple as that.”

“Mom, please don’t say that.” Rudy hated how sad she looked, saying all those things, blaming herself when he was the one who should be on his knees, begging for forgiveness. But she only shook her head as a response. “You’re not the only one who’s afraid, dear. I wanted to apologise for a while too, but seeing you suddenly becoming cold, distancing yourself from me, I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Even during dinner, you always bring your food into your room. I thought you hated me, and I couldn’t blame you for feeling that way. It’s just…I don’t know what to do anymore without your father. So, I simply left you be.”

Her long, pent-up feelings slowly came pouring out, and so were her falling tears. “I’m sorry, Rudy. You deserve a better mother.” Her lips were trembling hard, as her sobs filled the lifeless ceilings, tugging the strings of Rudy’s heart.

Seeing people cry was nothing new to the boy. Disgusting as it was, he admitted that he once enjoyed seeing the people he hurt crying, wailing for mercy, with tears ruining their looks. It was pathetic, laughable even. But now, he felt nothing but guilt, seeing the woman he cared about crumbling down to little sobs.

If only he could turn back time and tell his old self that it wasn’t worth it…

“Mom, please…don’t say that.”

But in the end, that was all he could do: begging for his mom to stop crying, powerless to stop even his own tears from falling down.

The dining room, which once was devoid of any sort of warmth, was finally filled with tears and cries of a broken family. It wasn’t a happy occasion, nor was it joyful, but at the very least, it became the sole proof that this household once had a soul, and there was still hope for it to blossom once more.

…

It had been a while since the last time Rudy poured his heart out, and he had to admit, it felt therapeutically good. The amount of relief after a crying session definitely helped him clear his mind.

“You know, Rudy. You have changed quite a bit. Not only your grades, but you look a lot happier now too.” His mom commented, still wiping the tears away. “Did something good happen, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Now that she mentioned it, it did feel like things were changing for him as of late. If before, going to school was a drag, an act only out of obligation, now he was a bit more willing to go, though his laziness was still there. It wasn’t like the harassment suddenly stopped, but it slowly evolved from a depraved thing to face into a mere annoyance he had to deal with. The moody clouds that followed him dispersed away, replaced by warm rays of sunshine, brightening Rudy's day-to-day life. 

And all of the said changes spurted out from that one particular afternoon at the park.

“I made a friend, actually. It was all thanks to her that I could even get grades like that.” Rudy told her, to which she gasped in shock. “You made a friend? Well, that’s just great—wait, ‘her’?”

The boy nodded, “Yeah, it’s a girl.”

“Oh, okay then.” Rudy’s mom gave a weird reaction. Her voice suddenly changed into a more upbeat one, as if she was talking to one of her old college friends. Her face lit up, feeling that youthful energy seeping back in. “So, this friend of yours. What is she like?”

How strange, Rudy thought. She never once asked about Zack and the others back when they were still friends, and this piqued her interest? Could it be she was baffled by the fact he managed to make a friend? “Well, she’s the same age as me, but we’re from different classes. We first met at the park, and somehow, we became friends after.” Her image appeared in his mind, and Rudy had to hold back the growing smile his lips drew every time he thought about her. “She’s a bit rude, always saying things without thinking first, quite stubborn, never wanting to back down. But she still chose to be my friend, even after knowing what I did. I owe her a lot and couldn’t thank her enough.”

“Hmm, sounds like a good person.” He noticed his mother’s smirk from the corner of his eye. “Yeah, she’s just…amazing. I don’t know why, but it feels so comforting every time I’m around her.” A content sigh escaped from his lips. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason why, but her overall presence made something as mundane as studying felt so enthralling.

“…”

There it was again. The loud beating of his heart. The sudden tightness in his chest. New, unexplained emotions whirled inside every time she was mentioned. Fear rose in Rudy as he considered whether it may be some kind of disease. Did his addiction to smoking finally do an effect on his body? 

Out of nowhere, his mother then said something that turned his world upside down.   

“Rudy. You’re having a crush on her, aren’t you?”

“…”

The boy almost choked on his saliva, hearing that. “C-C-Crush? Me!? That’s just…”

“Oh, c’mon now. Are you really going to deny it after all that?”

“I-I mean, I don’t think it’s a c-crush or anything…”

She shook her head, sighing. “Dear, your face lit up when you talked about her.”

“W-Well, I…”

How was Rudy supposed to refute that? Him, having a crush? On someone like Hiyori? It wasn’t like he never thought of having a girlfriend; after all, he was still a teenager. And Hiyori certainly got the looks herself. In fact, he went as far as to say she was one of the cutest girls in school. That sweet smile she had, the cute laughs she gave out when things went her way, her mysterious eyes when she daydreamed. Sometimes Rudy wished he knew what was she dreaming about. It had to be good if she looked so darn adorable doing it. He wanted nothing more than to just pinch her soft cheeks and play with them and—

“…maybe you’re right.”

“Ooh, you’re not even denying it. How bold~”

His blush deepened as Rudy’s face was as red as a tomato. Maybe that explained why his hands started to sweat when they talked together, or why he stuttered a bit when greeting her, or why his heart skipped a beat when she smiled at him. Who would’ve thought it would be something as vague and complex as love?

“So, have you told her yet?” His mom suddenly asked.

But…

“I-I don’t know if she sees me that way. What if she wanted to stay friends?”

Knowing Hiyori was perhaps one of the best things to have ever happened in his life. And if there was an opportunity for them to be more than just friends, then that would be wonderful. But Rudy can’t help but wondered whether it was worth the risk or not. At the end of it all, Rudy was an ex-delinquent. His name is already stained, and nothing would ever change that. Would anyone want to be with, let alone date someone like that?

“Well, you never know if you never try.”

His mother said it effortlessly like it was another piece of advice, but to Rudy, it felt like the biggest push he ever had. “Listen, dear. It might sound scary, but if you don’t at least try, then you’re going to surely regret it. Just be honest and polite with her, and I’m sure she would understand. Whether she accepts it or not, that’s up to her.”

It felt a bit jarring, seeing her being all cheery and supportive; a big contrast to the moody atmosphere they had a few minutes ago. But the look on her face—full of happiness and enthusiasm—it was clear how much she wanted to be involved in her son’s life again. Rudy didn’t have it in him to say no to that.

And besides, she had a point. If he remained passive and did not say a word, all while mulling over other possibilities, then nothing would be achieved. Just like the talk he had with his mom, he had to give it a shot and hoped for the best.

It was clear to Rudy what he had to do now.

“By the way, what is her name? Does she live nearby?” 

“Yes, she moved in a few years ago. And her name’s Hiyori.”

“…that’s quite an unusual name.”

“Heh, tell me about it.”

Clothes? Well-ironed. Hair dye? Reapplied. And most importantly, nicotine gums, to eliminate any sudden urges. The awaited day had finally arrived, and Rudy came in prepared.

It was break time, and he was walking toward Hiyori’s classroom. Rudy’s thoughts were in disarray, conflicted about whether it was a good idea to talk to her so casually while everyone else watch. Although he had slowed down a bit, maintaining a low-profile attitude, it still wasn’t enough to wipe his name clean. But he kept marching on, pushing aside those doubts. Besides, he wasn’t planning on telling her right there and then. No, that was far too reckless.

As he climbed the stairs, a noise caught his ears, and it didn’t sound like random chatter. There was malice slipped into their words, much like poison. It was reminiscent of how he used to intimidate others back then. Was there another case of bullying? Curious as he was, Rudy decided not to interfere. He was in no position to tell others what was right and wrong, not after what he did. However, he did take a short glance just to feed his curiosity.

“…!”

In a way, he was glad he did, but all for the wrong reasons. His eyes widened like saucers, as a group of girls was ganging up on someone: four of them against one person.

“…Hiyori?” He gasped, and it indeed was her, looking distressed as those girls spouted venom at her.

Confusion ran over his mind, as he wondered about the things that happened prior, before it soon got replaced by rage, slowly creeping in. Even though he swore to never lift a finger again, seeing Hiyori—especially Hiyori—being treated like that, he couldn’t take it. Rudy felt his fists shaking from the adrenaline, as he crept in close.

But what happened next put a stop to his anger. Another group of girls came from behind and started arguing with those bullies. Were they Hiyori’s friends? The argument escalated further, as their insults became more aggressive, even Rudy felt the thick air surrounding them. Things seemed to reach a breaking point, before the bullies scorned and walked away, leaving Hiyori with the girls.

A rough sigh escaped his lips. At least, it ended before it got out of hand.

…

“I don’t expect you to bring me here out of all places.” Hiyori began first as they sat on the grass, uncapping the bottled grape-flavoured soda drink she bought from the vending machine nearby. It was under Rudy’s sudden request that they went somewhere different from their usual spot, so they chose a recreational park, famous for its big playground and the beautiful lake; a perfect spot for sightseeing. Apparently, it was a popular site among the youngsters here, especially couples.

“…how fitting.”

“You said something?”

“No, no. It’s nothing.”

It was a windy afternoon when Rudy and Hiyori were sitting beside the lake, watching the clear-stilled water shimmer in the sunlight, feeling the itchy, rough feeling from sitting on the prickly grass. “It’s a shame all the benches are taken,” sighed the girl, as she glanced at the wooden seats taken by either families or young couples. “Sorry. I didn’t expect there would be that many people today.” Rudy apologised, but Hiyori simply shrugged it off. “It’s alright. Sitting on the grass isn’t that bad, anyway. You know, Dad likes to nag about how he used to walk bare-footed on grass and how lazy today’s kids have become." She then crossed her hands on her chest, scrunching her face while deepening her voice, saying: "Kids these days are so busy with their damn video games! Something like that.”

Rudy shook his head, chuckling at her silly acting. "Is that supposed to be your dad?"

"Yep. How'd I do?"

"Eh, could put some more effort into it." He answered unamusingly before earning a playful pinch at his arm. "Harsh." said the girl, smirking.  Little laughter and giggles followed after, as both of them found themselves relaxing, taking in the friendly, light-hearted atmosphere of the park.

Rudy gazed at her, sighing with passion. Indeed, spending time with Hiyori was too much fun.

“So, why do you invite me here? I thought the usual park is enough if you just want to have a chat.”

“Oh. I just, er, want a change in scenery.” Technically, he wasn’t lying when he said that, but there was more to it than a simple ‘change in scenery’.

But first, he had to address something. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something. Back in school, I noticed you were with a group of girls…” He paused to see her reaction, and the sudden grim on her face told him everything. “So, you saw it, huh?” 

“Is everything alright? You can tell me, you know.”

Hiyori sighed before taking another gulp. “It’s nothing serious, but it has to do with you, sort of.”

“Me?”

“They…know that we’ve been friends.”

“…”

At any other moment, that revelation would’ve knocked Rudy's socks off. And yet, he didn’t feel that impact hitting him hard. What once sounded like something to be afraid of, now felt like any other trivial info. Maybe the fact that Rudy saw this coming turned the news into nothing but a mild surprise. If any, he was relieved to hear it.

But something growled in the pit of his heart. He was still worried, but it wasn’t for him. It was for her. “What did they say to you?”

“All the things you expect from people like them.” Hiyori’s voice was cold as she continued. Seeing her frowned face like that awfully reminded him of his own when he first witnessed his class table vandalised in a disgusting way. It was months since it started, and though he grew numb to it, it didn’t mean the scars were completely healed.

“I’m sorry…” That was all he could say. Rudy didn’t have it in him to comfort her when he was part of the reason she was treated in such a way.

As he expected this atmosphere to continue spiraling down, Hiyori then landed her hand on his shoulder, displaying a small smile. “Hey, don't be sorry. It wasn’t your fault. Besides, the situation didn’t go any further, remember?”

The boy exhaled, as his mind recollected the scene that followed after. “That’s right. Another group of girls came in after and defend you.”

Hiyori nodded her head. “Those were my classmates. They said they were looking for me, and immediately interfered when they saw me being surrounded. They came in at the right time, or else things might turn out ugly.”

He heaved a sigh of relief. “It’s a good thing they spotted you fast.”

“Yeah, you’re right…” Hiyori took another gulp, emptying whatever was left of her grape juice, and put the empty bottle aside. She then smiled contently, before saying: “I have to thank you, Rudy.”

He looked at her, confused. “What do you mean?”

“You’re the one that pushed me to slowly open up and be more friendly to others. Because of that, I was able to meet and connect with new people, and made new friends, too.”

Rudy felt his face slowly heating up into a blush. She has to be exaggerating, he thought to himself. The only thing he ever did was unload more burdens onto her shoulders. If anything, he should be the one thanking her for accepting him as a friend, when everyone else avoided him like a plague. “I didn’t do anything much. You’re the one that did all that by yourself.”

“Even so…” She quickly refuted. “Had you not accepted my request back then, I would still be my moody, lonely self. Watching others have fun while I sulk, fretting whether I should be brave or not. I don’t think I could be here without you.”

“…”

Rudy didn’t want to show it, but those words had to be one of the sweetest things anyone had ever said to him.

How did his life even come to this? Realistically, this little game of theirs should’ve ended back during their first fight. These two individuals; a delinquent who was lost astray and a desperate loner, should not mix well together. And yet, here they were, sitting in front of a lake, admiring nature's beauty all while enjoying each other's company.

It was too good to be true.

A gust of wind blew past them. Rudy’s head instinctively turned to his right, and in that split moment, the currents of time moved at a snail’s pace, as the people, the trees, and the lake around them were swallowed by the white void.

At that moment, his brain decided that nothing else mattered, except for the girl that sat beside him, with her knees hugged to her chest, her chin resting on it, those deep, black jewels of her eyes staring at him, her small, red lips stretched from ear to ear. A faint blush painted across her cheeks and her hair, tied into twin tails, rested on her uniform.

“Thank you, Rudy. For sticking with me.”

It was nothing ordinary, just a teenage girl expressing her gratitude towards her friend. But that sight of her alone looking at him with such affection was enough to almost pulled his heart out of his chest.

Cute. Forceful. Beautiful. Stubborn. Understanding. Nosy.

If anyone were to have her as a girlfriend, that guy would be the luckiest man in the world.

Rudy dearly wished that he was ‘that guy’.

…

The sound of ambience reverberated through their ears, hearing the grass being softly swayed by the wind. The splashing sounds of water from the fountain as it spurted out from the lake center and the little laughs and chatters from people nearby. Rudy and Hiyori stayed silent as they both were basking in the lukewarm sunlight.

“Hiyori. There’s something I want to tell you.”

The young girl hummed lightly, wiping the few strands of hair from her face. “What is it?”

Rudy clenched his fists, feeling the sweat in his fingers due to the growing anxiety, threatening him to vomit. His head felt stiff, frozen, unable to face her, as the realisation began to dawn on him. It was now or never. If he wasted this, there would be no second chance. Hiyori was right there beside him, waiting for his next words. The risks were high, but he had no choice but to commit.

And so, with his trembling lips, Rudy began his gamble.

“…”

“I…have feelings for you.”

“…”

Like a faucet being turned at its max, Rudy’s emotions came bursting out, and not even he could stop his mouth from moving. “I enjoy spending time with you, Hiyori. Whether it be us studying together, hanging out at the local park, or even walking down the school hallway. I love being anywhere with you. Even if we lay down on this grass and not say a word for the rest of the day, I-I don’t mind it! Just seeing you smile, and talking about the things you like is enough to make me happy. My life has been full of mistakes, but you chose to be by my side despite all that. Since then, you showed that even people like me can get a second chance, and bit by bit, my life slowly regained colour. And before I realise it, I…began to fall for you.”      

“…”

The wind blew. Hiyori hadn’t said a word, and Rudy began to feel unsettled. “I-I understand if you don’t feel the same way. Hell, I’m pretty sure you don’t. It’s just...I only want to let it out of my chest. That’s all there is. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“…”

The silence dragged on, to a point where Rudy felt like he was rambling to himself. He wanted to look at her, to figure out what was going on in her mind, but fear got the best of him, locking his gaze into the dirt.

“…”

There was no use in waiting any longer. Rudy sighed, accepting her silence as the answer, before…

“I feel the same, too.”

“Eh?” The fear in him evaporated instantly upon hearing that. Rudy jerked his head towards his right, and there he saw Hiyori-still hugging her knees to her chest—giving him the sidelong glance. Her face flared up with blushes of red, reaching to the ends of her ears. She then spoke; her voice was small, much like a squeaking noise, barely above a whisper. But Rudy heard it all too well as if those words were meant for him and him only. “I don’t think my feelings are any different. It’s the same as yours, Rudy.”

"…"

He thought he already prepared himself for this. Hiyori rejecting him, giving him the cold shoulder, and calling him a creep; he was ready for anything she might throw at him.

But clearly, he wasn’t ready for this outcome to happen.

“I see. So, this must be a dream.” Rudy blurted out, feeling stupefied. That was the only logical conclusion he could come into.

“Huh? What do you mean it’s all a dream?” Hiyori asked. Her voice hinted a bit of annoyance.

“I mean, there’s no way you would actually like me, right? So, it has to be a dream…”

At that point, Rudy didn’t know what he was saying. It was like someone took hold of his tongue and put whatever words into it, intentionally making things worse. The shame he was feeling was too much, making him wish he could roll himself up in a big ball and just, fade away from existence. He wondered what face was Hiyori making, though he wasn’t that eager to find out.

“…”

It became quiet. Too quiet for his liking. Her silent treatment was too nerve-wracking for him to handle.  

“So, you think all of this is just a dream?”

Rudy suddenly heard the sounds of grass rustling beside him.

“Then…”

Hiyori sounded too close to his liking. He turned to his right, and his entire vision was filled with her face, as the girl now inched closer to him, so close he felt her body heat. And then, a whisper entered his ears; so soft that barely anyone heard it, but strong enough to shake his entire body.

“Kiss me.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

He felt like he needed to say something here. “…what?”

Somehow, he has lost the ability to speak. But the girl seemed to catch on to what he said. With another deep breath, she repeated her words, this time with a bit more clarity into it.

“I want you to k-kiss me…”

“…oh.”

Rudy swore his heart stopped beating momentarily. His body was rooted to the ground, as the world around him came crumbling down like shattered mirrors. Naturally, his brain tried to rationalise all this. Perhaps, the wind made him hear strange things. Or maybe, his ears were playing tricks on him, messing up with his cognition, making him hear all the things he wanted to hear and not the truth.

But much as he wanted to deny it, his heart knew better. That mask of confidence with the little cracks of embarrassment in her voice, the determined, brave face she wore, yet it didn’t hide the intensity of her blush all over, her fists slightly shaking from the anxiety: A walking contradiction, yet it was beautiful nonetheless.

There was no masking it. Hiyori just asked Rudy to kiss her.

One would’ve thought he would be over the moon, but Rudy ended up with more questions instead. This sudden burst of confidence in her actions, as she took the initiative first, made her look like a totally different person. The juxtaposition of her behaviour was too absurd to not point out.

After what felt like an eternity, his mouth finally moved. “Do you hear yourself? This is not a game, you know. Why would you—”

“Y-You wanted to know whether it’s all a dream, right? Well, let’s find out.” Hiyori cut in right before Rudy could finish his sentence. “Didn’t they say that most dreams end when something good is about to happen? S-So, I thought that if we tried to k-kiss, then…”

“…”

He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry at her stupid reasonings. The things she said sometimes, and yet, he never once thought of it as a flaw, but as a charm of its own. Seeing her trying to explain her motives with her endearing voice, as she tried to mask her nervousness with her bold attitude. It was entertaining in its own way.

More and more, he found himself falling even harder for this girl.

“W-What are you smirking about? I’m being serious here!” Hiyori displayed a small pout, unsatisfied with his nonchalant reaction.

“No, it’s just…the things you said sounded so illogical, and yet it somehow made sense to me.” Hiyori remained mute after that, as silence lingered once more.

After he looked around—they were the only ones left, conveniently enough—Rudy turned and faced Hiyori, who was still sweating bullets. “Alright, let’s do this.”  

The girl became flabbergasted. “H-Huh? Wait, are you really going to—”

Now it was Rudy’s turn on the offensive side, as he leaned closer to the girl, cutting off whatever she was going to say. Feeling nervous, she tried to regain control over the situation. “W-W-Wait, hold on. Maybe we shouldn’t do it, after all.”

“Isn’t that the exact opposite of what you were saying before?” Rudy’s eyebrows furrowed with frustration.

“I-I just did it out of impulse! I don’t actually—”

But before Hiyori could explain herself, Rudy’s right hand had landed on her face, with his eyes bored into hers, much like a predator preying on its food. “You’re always like this, Hiyori. Saying things that make me happy inside…” The warm sensation of his rough hand softly touching her left cheek sent a jolt down her body and elicited a squirm from her.

“But do you really mean those words? Just how much am I supposed to believe?” Rudy asked in a low, raspy voice—so low it resembled a growl—which in Hiyori’s case, didn’t make the situation any better.  

Everything became fuzzy to Rudy, making his head spin. He couldn’t think straight. This feeling that erupted in him like a volcano threatened to swallow him whole. Here he was, holding the cutest girl he ever met, and they were inches away from doing that thing. The one thing that most couples do. Nothing made sense anymore. It didn’t help when seeing Hiyori being reduced into a blushing mess just from his mere touch alone was pushing him towards the edge. Her small nose, her big widened eyes, her soft cheeks that he wanted to pinch oh-so-badly, the small trail of sweat on her forehead, her cute, red lips that looked so smooth and alluring…

The blurs between reality and fantasy became more unclear, as Rudy’s Id and Ego clashed with each other.

On one hand, he didn’t want to force Hiyori into doing this, and simply scold her for playing around when it come to matters like feelings.

On the other, he just wanted to smash his lips into hers.

“I…”

Hiyori finally spoke, snapping Rudy out from admiring her facial features. Her lips quivered, as she tried to form a coherent sentence. The boy continued to gaze into her eyes, waiting for her answer.

“I-I mean it, this time. Let’s do it.”

"...okay."

Without wasting another moment, Rudy’s fingers slowly travelled down, caressing her cheeks as they trailed towards her chin, before slightly lifting her face up, getting a good look at her. Despite the shaking, his movements were so gentle and oh-so-lovingly, making sure not to hurt her. Hiyori’s breath hitched before she slowly relaxed as her eyelids closed and her lips puckered, waiting for that special moment to come.

“…”

Everything became quiet. The sounds of walking shoes and the ambience of nature were swallowed by their own little world.

Rudy leaned closer, but…

“…”

He paused. Hiyori’s face remained unchanged, waiting for him to embrace her.

Fear rose in him. His claims that this was all a dream crossed his mind.

It sounded silly, but it was not outside the realm of possibility. These things happening to him; it was everything he ever wanted. It was too good to be true.

If it was nothing but a mere fantasy, and the moment right before his lips touched hers, he wasn’t greeted with her face, but his bedroom walls instead…

It was too much to think about.

More doubts were planted in his mind. If he kissed her, then the dream would come to an end. If he didn’t, then technically, this moment would last forever.

Did he really have to do this?

But Hiyori was right there within his grasp, waiting for him to make a move. The only person who was willing to be his friend. The friend who trusted, supported, and most of all, believed in him, despite all his flaws.

The girl who he really, really cherished. And that feeling has manifested into something else, as it burned with such fire and passion.

Rudy felt it. The softness of her cheeks was gently held by his hand.

His hand that once harmed those who were weaker.

His hand that once destroyed the friendships he built.

His hand that once robbed him of any chance of redemption.

And yet, it was this same hand that saved a stray cat from dying.

His hand that once helped a girl from her loneliness.

And now, his hands were holding the girl he cared about the most.

Even if it was a dream…even if all he got was the mere touch of her lips…

His feelings for here were real. And that was more than enough.

“…”

At that point, all the restraints that held him back were taken away. Rudy felt his eyes begin to close as well, as he leaned closer, feeling Hiyori’s hot breath blowing on his face…

…

It was mystical. Ethereal. Something that only existed in fairy tales spun by dreamers alike.

The moment his lips touched hers, Rudy felt electricity jolted down his body. His breath trembled, and he felt Hiyori’s was the same too. Their mouths, shaking from the nervousness and the anxiety, yet none tried to back away as if they were entranced; both wanted to savour each and every second of this foreign feeling coursing through them. Hiyori’s lips were soft—a bit sour from her drinking that soda—but Rudy thought it was the sweetest thing he ever tasted.

As his mind struggled to register all this, he felt a warm sensation in his right hand. Hiyori snaked her fingers into his, interlocking them together. The soft grip of her hand along with her thumb making small motions on his skin calmed Rudy down, saving him from being overwhelmed. He responded to her affection by caressing her small, slender shoulders with his left, gently moving down to her arm, enjoying every touch of her skin.

After what felt like an eternity, they finally broke away from the kiss. Rudy opened his eyes, figuring whether it was a dream or not. And what greeted him was not the bedroom walls, but the girl who he had a crush on, staring at him deeply with those pair of hypnotizing eyes, with a smile drawn on her lips, along with her flushed face.

A face just for Rudy and Rudy alone.

…

“…blergh!”

And just like that, the emotional bliss Rudy felt came crashing down like a stack of cards after seeing Hiyori turn away, stifling a cough. His heart was quite offended by her sudden reaction before she then explained herself. “Sorry, but I can still taste the smoke…”

He immediately covered his lips. “Oh, my bad. I’m still trying to quit, you know. And I did take some nicotine gums before we came here, so…” Rudy felt the embarrassment seeping in, but the girl shook it off with a laugh, as her fingers ran over her lips. “It’s alright. You’re trying your best to stop, and that’s what really matters. I find that really attractive.”

“Really?”

Hiyori nodded. “Mmhm.”

“I…I see.”

“…”

Reality finally sank in, as both of them tried to come to terms with what just happened. The tightness they felt in their chests, and the lingering taste on their lips left these two teens fidgeting around like idiots. It didn’t take long before Rudy addressed the elephant in the room. “So, we really did just…”

Hiyori answered back. “Y-Yeah, we did…”

“Does that mean we’re a…”

She gave a light hum.

“…”

“…”

Well, that was surely an experience to be remembered. But Rudy can’t help but felt like it was missing something; the final piece in the puzzle. Was it wrong for him to expect more from it? While it certainly felt amazing and otherworldly, comparing it to the grandiose, sappy declarations of love usually depicted on TVs, this one felt…reserved. Quiet. No dramatic music playing in the background, and no petals of flowers scattered on the ground. Just him and her, sitting at a park, trying to come to terms with what they did.

But Rudy was far from being dissatisfied. The quiet, calm kindness that Hiyori offered, in contrast to the noise of jeers and laughter of his old friends, was what made him fall for her.

Indeed, he preferred this one way more.

“Um, can I…” Hiyori suddenly spoke up in her gentle, timid manner, making his heart flutter. “…lean onto you?”

“…sure.” He answered, feeling the drumming of his heartbeat in his ears. Not long after, he watched the girl slowly land her head on his shoulders, letting him smell the sweet scent of her hair. It was intoxicating, making him yearn for her touch even more.

A whisper entered his ears. “Rudy, are you nervous?”

“Do I look like that to you?” He replied softly.

“No. It’s just, do you think things will change from now on? Between us?”

Rudy gazed upon the wide, blue skies, pondering over her words as his skin bathed under the warm sun. “I think I am nervous, after all. A lot of things may happen after this, but I don’t think anything would change between us. Or, maybe you want us to?”

The girl smiled before nuzzling deeper into the crook of his neck, hugging his arm close. “Nope, I’m happy as we are now.”

“Guess our little contract is going to last a bit longer now, huh?”

“Don’t say it like that!” Hiyori playfully slapped his arm, earning a chuckle out of him. “That sounds like we’re forced into doing this.”

“Isn’t that how we both met, though?”

“Well, I…”

Satisfied from teasing her, Rudy shook his head in bliss. “I’m just joking,” said the boy, before he too leaned his head onto hers, enjoying the feeling of his cheeks rubbing her soft hair. “But there is something that I do want to change.”

Hiyori hummed as a response. “And that would be?”

“I hope I could stop smoking soon enough.”

“You’re already doing that, silly.”

“No, you don’t get it. I promise you that I will stop it completely one day. So that you…” Rudy felt his face heating up, thinking about his next set of words.

“…want to k-kiss me more…”

“…”

“…”

Hiyori suddenly pulled away, and both of them had a staring contest for a few seconds before she burst into little giggles. “What are you even saying!? Do you hear yourself talk?”

“The hell are you laughing for? I’m serious, here.” Rudy scoffed. Here he was pouring his heart, and this was her response? Poor lad. How can he ever come back from this?

Hiyori continued to laugh for a good minute—as if she just heard the greatest joke ever told—before she finally calmed down, gasping for air. “I’m sorry, okay. Please, don’t get mad.”

While Rudy wasn’t that mad at her, he wasn’t planning to make it any easy for the girl. An apology has to be earned, not given. And he didn’t plan to give up that easily just because she had a pretty face. He chose to remain silent while turning his face away, ‘sulking’ to his best ability. Hiyori didn’t say a word, and just as he thought he might overdo it…

He then felt something soft and warm land on top of his head, as it moved along the knots of his blue hair. “W-What are you…?”

Rudy turned, and the sweet smile on her face never failed to make his heart thump louder. “There, there. Don’t be mad.” She said with a gentle, almost motherly voice.

“…I’m just teasing, you know.” He smiled softly.

“Hehe, I know.” Hiyori continued to rub his head, as her fingers moved along the strands of his hair, carefully not to hurt him. It was surreal, he admitted. The only person that ever did this to him was his mom, and that was ages ago. The soft, longing feeling of nostalgia mixed with Hiyori’s affection almost sent him to tears. How long has it been since he was given this amount of kindness and tenderness?

It was a childish desire, but he did want to be spoiled like a kid more often.

Unfortunately, hair care has never been included in Rudy’s daily routine, so the number of knots formed in his hair was concerning, to say the least. It was only a matter of time before Hiyori accidentally—

“Ack!” Hiyori pulled her hand away the moment she heard him wince. “I’m sorry! I tried to move as gently as I could…”

The boy shook his head, assuring her it was fine. “It’s not your fault. I never even bothered to take care of my hair before.”

“Well, you better do from now on.” Hiyori beamed at him, allowing their shoulders to bump with each other. The sensation of their bodies being so close filled Rudy’s heart with glee. “Or else, no more headpats for you.”

He laughed heartily. “Alright. You win.”

The sounds of grass rustling by the wind breezing through danced around Rudy’s ears like music notes. The warm sunlight kissing his skin, along with the touch of the girl he loved; it was as if the world was telling him that everything would be fine in the end.

Rudy would love that to be true. But for now, he could say for the first time, that he was happy. Very, very happy.

“…I confessed to her at the park, and we began dating since then. Heh, sorry for rambling so much. I went on and talked about things you didn’t even ask…Sunny, you alright?”

“That’s the best kind of youth…” I say with such flare in my voice, with my hands dramatically covering my face much like a theatre student. But in no way was I exaggerating. Never in my life would I expect Rudy’s past was filled with twists and turns. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought he was talking about a recent TV drama.

Honestly, I wish my love life—no, my entire teenage years were as eventful as his. Minus the whole angst part, of course.

The boy then looks at me, fidgeting around the swing seat. “So, what do you think?” He asks timidly, contrasting his relaxed tone moments ago.

“I…I’m glad that you tell me all this. I feel like I know you a bit better.”

“I see…” Rudy stares down to the ground, looking dissatisfied. “Is there something wrong?” I point out.

“No, it’s just…now that you know everything about me, even of the things I did, I was wondering if you…” Rudy pauses, scratching the back of his head. “…hate me, or something like that.”

It is then I realise his true intents. He tries to sound confident and carefree, but even someone as socially inept as me can recognise that slight unease seeping away from his shaky voice. It makes sense, after all. He just laid everything bare, sharing with me all of his mistakes that could never be reversed, knowing fully well that I could turn on him. And yet, he chose to put his trust in someone like me.

“I don’t think anything changes between us.”

Sharing your past with someone. Telling them of the things you did, whether it be good or bad. Choosing to be vulnerable, knowing that they could use it to attack when you least expect it. Once, I have been in Rudy’s shoes, though our situations were different. But the look in his eyes, filled with doubt and fear of being judged; I know it too well.

“Really?” Rudy still seems unsure of himself. I show him a smile—the earnest, most honest smile I have ever shown to anyone—in hopes that my message can reach him. “Yeah, I’m sure of it.”

The guy looks taken aback. Uh oh. Did I overdo it with the smile, accidentally making it not genuine? But Rudy recovers back, smiling at me as his body relaxes. “You really are a kind person, Sunny. I know I could trust you.”

“…”

I remain silent after hearing that.

…

The day continues, and it seems my small time with Rudy is reaching its end. We both then say our goodbyes, with him reminding me to be careful going back home. I say the same to him as well.

The sun shows no mercy, scorching my pale skin as I exert whatever strength I have left to pedal the bicycle back to my apartment. My legs are getting weaker, the sweat dripping down irritates me, and I desperately need a bucket of cold water to splash my face into. No more exercises, I say.  

People say to keep your eyes on the road and remain focused, but my brain keeps coming back to the conversation I had with Rudy at the park.

“You really are a kind person, Sunny.”

In the back of my mind, I can’t help but wonder if he actually meant those words, or if it were just lip service. Was he referring to the Sunny that everyone sees, or the Sunny behind closed doors, hidden from everyone? The truth is, I find it hard to believe such a pious statement. It doesn’t suit me one bit.

Because a kind person would never do the things I did.

Some may call me being petty. The incident was years ago, they said. Move on, they said.

I wish I could. Believe me, I tried. But it's not as easy as it sounds when the reminder of it keeps staring back at me whenever I look in the mirror.

“…”

I wonder…If one day, I do decide to tell him the truth…

My past…my darkest secrets….

Will he still think of me the same way?

In his eyes, will I still be a kind person?

“…”

They say that curiosity is what kills the cat. Do not poke a sleeping bear, or else it would spell your doom. Our friendship is fine enough as it is. But I can’t help but wonder about the possibilities should they know. Would it deepen our bonds, or would it sever our ties altogether?

After I reach home and have some short exchanges with Mom, I head to the toilet to wash myself. The day is hot enough as it is, and I am sweating like a wet pig. The sooner I change to new, fresh clothes the better.

I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, looking at the reflection of what seems to be an image of myself. My hair is properly trimmed, and my body doesn’t look as skinny as a skeleton. A huge improvement from how I used to look during my shut-in years

However, there’s something else that I can’t ignore, much as I like to. A feature that permanently marks my face as ‘incomplete’.  

I slowly unhook the square-sized, white eyepatch, and a huge, noticeable scar is shown at my right eye, or what is left of it. My past, my sins, my punishment; all of it manifested into this thing, carved right into my face like a huge stamp.

I hate it. I hate how ugly it looks. I hate how uncomfortable it feels.

Mom told me to take the eyepatch off once in a while. To ‘build some self-confidence’, she said. But to this day, I don’t have it in me to walk around with this scar being visible to the public eye. The sheer embarrassment is going to crumble me. Would they be creeped out by it, and starts to avoid me like a plague? What would they think of it?

What would Rudy and Rowan think of it?

I sometimes dreamt about it. Me, hanging out with them without the need to wear one. Where I could walk around, free of being misjudged.  

Friends are supposed to be with each other. To give one support when they need it the most. And most of all, to be genuine and honest. Rudy did that with me at the park. Rowan? Sort of. He is brutally honest when it comes to his passion.

And then, there’s me. Two years later, and still hiding things from them. It wasn’t like I had to tell them all the nitty-gritty of my past. But just once, I would like to be real with them, without worrying about anything.

“…”

My fingers softly caress the itching scar, tracing it down to the bone of my cheeks.

“…I knew I could trust you.”

At first, I wondered where did Rudy summon the courage to share his past with me. It took a lot to just be vulnerable with someone. No one liked to be hurt, and so they put a barrier surrounding their heart, preventing anyone from hurting, let alone touching it. But in doing so, no one would ever truly understand each other.

But now, I think I figure it out.

“Trust, huh…”

How could I have forgotten? The reason I’m here now is because of trust. Because I chose to believe in the good of my friends, instead of the evil that my mind perceived them as. That is the reason I am here, living among real people and not the artificial fragments of my childlike world.

It does sound so optimistic as it is childish. Just trust in yourself and others, and everything would be fine. A rather naïve view, but maybe that is what I need for this moment.

A familiar voice speaks to me. It asks a question I am so familiar with.

What do you want?

I already know the answer to that.

It’s like what Rudy said himself. All it took is a leap of faith.

And I think I’m ready to take one myself.

Chapter Text

"Dude, your eyes are baggy as hell! You got into a fight or something?"

"No, it's just…" Rowan lets a loud yawn. "I've been playing this one game, lately. Ever heard of Maplestory? I gave it a try after dinner, and the next thing I know the sun already began to rise."

"So, you hitting the bed after this?"

"Huh? No, I'm going to continue playing."

"But didn't you just…" Rudy is about to say something before he stops himself. "Never mind."

"You should play it too, Rudy. It's a multiplayer game, so we can hit it off together."

"Hah, I wish! But you do know I don't have a computer, right?"

"Aw, shucks. Come over this weekend, then."

"Sounds like a plan."

…

…

Sweaty palms, shaking hands, goosebumps all over. What a perfect start, I joke to myself. Even though I have repeated this scene countless times in my head, it's still not enough to eliminate the feeling of fear brewing inside. Not even the best performers could remain totally composed before their return to the stage. And my performance is far from being Broadway-level.

The school bell rang minutes ago, and while all the students are swarming toward the school gate, the three of us are going against the flow, choosing the cafeteria as our next spot. The two of them argued the classroom would be fine, but I prefer a quieter place, where we draw less attention.

"Huh. Looks like there are still people around."

My hands are tucked in my pockets, gripping the inner fabrics as if I'm trying to tear them apart. The longer this drags on, the more I think of how terrible all of this is. With each step, my legs feel like they've been sinking into the ground, dragging me into the bottomless pit of doubt. And yet, by some unknown force, I keep marching towards the battlefield. It could be bravery, foolishness, or perhaps both.

"Well, now that we're here…" Rudy finally turns to face me as we spot an empty table to sit down. "Is there something you want to tell us?"

"Yeah. You kind of call us to meet out of the blue." Rowan chimes in, before his face tenses with shock. "You're not moving school, are you?"

I shake my head. "It's almost the end of our term. Why would I move?" The flower boy then exhales a sigh of relief. Pretty touching, I have to admit. "Then, what is it? Another sleepover? Because I'm down for that."

"No, it's…"

It's not like I have to go down this route. There's still a chance for me to back off, calling all this a mere bluff. A little prank from silly old me. Would they be baffled by it? I can already imagine Rowan overreacting like usual, while Rudy simply facepalms himself. Then, we can all continue the day normally, shrugging off this little anomaly as if nothing happened.

"I've been wanting to tell you guys something. Or show, to be precise."

But I guess I'm too much of an idiot to do such a logical thing.

Both of them appear puzzled at first, but as soon as my hands reach the eyepatch on my face, they begin to catch on. "Wait, are you…"

Taking the initiative is so not me. I rather sit back and watch from behind, not pulling much attention from others. A mob character, an extra, or whatever people call it. It's tiring to be put in the spotlight.

"I've been wanting to tell you guys this, but I was too scared to do so for the longest time. But now…"

And now, two years later, I am about to do the same thing, but with different people. History has a funny way of repeating itself. Is this necessary? Is this the right thing to do? If you ask me, I honestly don't know the answer to that. Nevertheless, I am already halfway there, and the only thing I can do is push forward.

"Sunny, hold on." Rowan suddenly speaks, interrupting my thoughts. "Where is all this coming from?"

I turn my gaze to the brown-haired boy. "It's not that complicated. You once asked about it, remember? It's as simple as that."

"Well, yeah…but you don't have to do this, you know." Rudy then butts in, saying: "We understand that it's a sensitive thing for you to talk about. So, really…don't force yourself."

I could only smile at their consideration of me. "Thank you. But I'm fine, really." A part of me wants to tell them, to thank Rudy for showing me that being honest with someone is okay. But that's something I will only keep to myself.

"Oh, okay then…" Both of them still look unsettled, as they watch my fingers slowly unhook the patch. My most vulnerable side, the proof of my mistakes is about to be shown, and yet somehow, it is not fear that surrounds me, but acceptance. Could this be what they call the final stage of grief?

Two years of concealing. Two years of hiding. And finally, after so long, I overcome this mountain of fear as I take off the eyepatch, revealing another side of me. The hideous, ugly scar that no one else had laid their eyes upon.

…

"What the…"

"Oh…"

Breathless gasps escape from their gaping mouths as their eyes widen like saucers upon seeing this mark of sin. An expected reaction, though I'm sort of waiting for a more dramatic one. Having this scar exposed to the public eye for everyone to see, I can't help but feel embarrassed, as if I'm walking around without a string of clothes on me.

Rowan then breaks the silence, as he stutters for a moment before carefully arranging his words. "Dude…I…wow. That look like it hurt." His face cringes a bit. I can't blame him. If only he knew how it really felt that day. If I was given a choice to die instantly on that day or to live while having the pain etched into my brain, I'm afraid I might choose the former. I might not be a good person, but I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone, even to my worst enemy. "It is. But it doesn't hurt that much now." I reply, lightly rubbing the itch of the scar.

"What happened? Was it some sort of accident?" Rudy breaks off from his own stupor. Accident, huh? I guess it is, from a certain point of view. Both of us were acting out of pure fear back then, so any rational thought was thrown out of the window. Besides, whether it was intentional or not, knowing that wouldn't change anything. "It was a long time ago. I got into a fight, he had a gardening tool in his hand, I saw that thing on top of me, and then…"

I couldn't continue the story any further. Making peace with it is one thing, but bringing the memory back is unpleasant, like reopening an old wound. And judging from their petrified faces, I don't see any need to explain any further. Their lips mouth nothing, except for the usual words of sympathy and condolences. What else could they offer at this point?

"So, now that you see my scar, are we…still friends?" I ask randomly. Both of them look at me, stupefied. It seems I have to elaborate more. "I mean, I was afraid if you guys are going to stay away since I have an ugly scar now…"

They don't say a word for a moment. Rudy looks at Rowan. Rowan looks at Rudy. They blink once, then turn to me with blank faces. Didn't I make myself clear? And just as I'm going to clarify once more, they start to chuckle among themselves. "Dude, you overreact sometimes."

"What do you guys mean—" I spit out a few words before Rudy cuts me off, saying: "Just because you had that scar, doesn't mean we're going to stay away. Like, it's unfortunate that you lost an eye and we're sorry for that. But at the end of the day, you're still Sunny, and nothing can change that."

The flower boy then nudges me, smirking. "What he said, yeah. And hey, on the positive side, you can tell others that you survived a near-death experience."

"…"

The words are there, but the tongue won't articulate them. Astonished by their positive reception, I could only stare at them like a deer in headlights, unsure of what to say next. Is it wrong for me to assume the worst out of everyone, to expect the cracks to appear in this friendship of ours? How much trust did I put into them? Once more, I have been blessed with great companionship and still, I complain.

"…thank you." Overwhelmed by their kindness, that's the only thing my lips could utter. A part of me is warning not to get carried away, but just this once, let me indulge in this. 

Everything is going smoothly so far. I could relax a bit, knowing that these two are taking it well, even if they were freaked out at first, but in no way am I blaming them. It was the same as how I opened my eye bandages for the first time. Seeing the scars and stitches, witnessing what once was a normal human face has turned into something beyond repair. It took a long time for me to get here, to a point where I could face these two with these scars without the fear looming over them. I never ask for sympathy, only that they treat me as another human being. That's all I ask for.

But there's one more thing, unfortunately. One more secret is yet to be revealed.

"I have to be honest, Sunny. The first time I saw you, I thought you were one of those kids who were obsessed with cartoons." Rudy confesses. I chuckle a bit hearing his remarks, though his initial thoughts of me were a bit too specific. "What made you think I was like that?" I ask.

"Well, I am Rowan's friend, and you know how he is…"

"You do know I'm still here, right?" The brown-haired boy sneers at him, followed by both of them sharing a small laugh. For a moment, it feels like everything has returned back to normalcy. Right after that, the ex-delinquent suddenly leans a bit closer to me, taking a proper look at my scar. My body unconsciously leans backward as his peach contacts pierce right through my right eye as if I'm being interrogated by an officer.

"Hmm…" He continues to study the scar with much focus, and I can't help but feel a bit uneasy with his sudden moves. Is it that interesting to earn such attention? Even I feel my skin begins to crawl whenever I stare at it for too long. "The scar looks pretty deep, Sunny. Your friend must have been really pissed, huh…"

I let out a nervous laugh, dodging his remarks. Rudy then continues: "To think that he would go that far…what happened, anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, how did the two of you get into a fight? Usually, the worst thing someone can do is give you a black eye, or break one of your ribs or something. But for him to do you like this…" His face looks deep in thought before he snaps back, looking regretful. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to push you for an answer. I got a bit curious…"

"…"

There is no musing about it. It's only natural that the conversation would come down to this. Curiosity is such a double-edged sword; it could bless people with knowledge and wisdom and makes us a better man. And yet, it could also curse people, making them yearn for the ignorance they once had. Such a shame. The talk we had was fun, even if it lasted for a passing moment. I wish I could buy more sand for my hourglass but unfortunately, no one's selling any.

There is still a way out. A last chance for me to back off from this 'suicidal charge'. Tell them that it was only a mere accident. But that would diverge from the purpose of this whole thing. If I do that, I would be running away again, just like I did in the past. Why should they know? They are not my childhood friends, who I spent most of my childhood with. It made sense that I owed them an explanation. But these two? We only met for more than a year. They are mere outsiders, listening to my story. After we graduate, we would barely keep in touch, so why should I unload my burdens unto them?

But if that was the case, then why did Rudy tell me his story? In his eyes, I too was someone he randomly met and not who he grew up with. Surely, he knew that I could walk away from our friendship with no strings attached, and yet he still chose to put that trust in me.

I find myself in a dilemma. What is right? What is wrong? What should I do? What shouldn't I do?

"Bro, you okay? I don't mean to offend you like that..." Time continues to tick, not giving me a chance to breathe. With a steel heart, I open my mouth, sealing my fate. "Actually, that's the thing I want to tell you two. About my past, I've been keeping it a secret for a while…"

Rowan stares at me blankly, whereas Rudy's face changes as if he has a premonition of things about to happen. "Sunny, is this about…?"

I nod my head. "You trusted me, even though you didn't have to. So, I feel like I should repay it."

"Y-You don't have to. That was my decision to take."

"The same goes for me as well."

A memory pops into my mind. Both of us were together at the park, sitting on the swings beneath the scorching heat of the sun while enjoying the softness of the wind. And right beside me sat a young boy unfolding his stains and mistakes, but with a face so calm and pure as if he was born anew. I wonder if I could feel the same way he did.

"I'm sorry for being selfish. You guys must have things to do after this…"

"Nah, I don't mind it," says Rowan. "It's not like the day's getting dark any soon. And I won't lie, I am a bit interested in your past school life since you've been so secretive about it."

"…thanks, guys." I exhale a heavy sigh. It feels like all my burdens have finally been lifted even though nothing's happened yet. Right before I start, I take one last look at both of them. Who would've guessed our memories together would spark from a random encounter at the arcade? The times we had spent and the bonds we created may not be as strong as the ones I have with my Faraway friends, but it's still something that I want to cherish. Rudy and Rowan are good people, and I will surely miss them.

And so, bit by bit I shed off the layers of shield that have protected me from harm. With each passing minute, with each syllable, I unveil to them the pages of my life. Of Faraway, my family, my friends, the accident, the isolation, and finally, the night where Basil and I fought. The chatter noises that filled our ears moments ago slowly fades away, leaving only the three of us in this small bubble. My voice is small—shaky sometimes, but it's enough for them to listen clearly.

Visiting past memories, especially painful ones is never a pleasant thing to do. Is there a moment where I wish I could undo everything? Where the accident never occurred, and she was still here with me? Every single night, I wonder about the possibilities. But in the end, it would only remain a possibility. An idea that would never be realised. The only thing left is to learn from it and move forward. They say mistakes are the best teacher and make us wiser. But do I really feel like a better person, or I'm still the same old me? I like to think otherwise.

As my story continues, the two of them sit in silence, much like a student attending a class. At times I do wonder if they're actually listening or if my voice simply flows through their ears. But I do notice their slight changes as the story progresses. Their curious remarks when talking about Faraway, the little laughs when talking about my old friends…

And the total silence afterward.

Their faces stiffened, mouths left agape, dropped in shock as if life was being sucked out of their bodies. It was like they were trying to convince themselves that it isn't true and it's just another messed-up dark humour that I conjure. But unfortunately, no one in the room is laughing.

…

My story begins with curiosity and now, it ends with sorrow. The deed is done, and the curtains that hid my ugly side have been raised. It doesn't matter if what I did is sensible or not. Even if it isn't, there is no turning back. I did something that could never back out from. That little innocence I had all this time might as well disappear.

Rowan reacts first. His voice is strained, saying with much disbelief. "I-Wow. You r-really ha—I mean, did that?"

I grimace a little. He cuts himself off before saying that word, but I know what his original intentions were. Saying to yourself that you did it is one thing, but to hear it from someone else hits differently, like an accusation. But there is no way I could refuse it, for it's the truth.

"…yes."

What excuse could I give? That I was in a daze, and only did what was being told? That I didn't know what I was doing? But what changes? No matter how much I try to rationalise it, the deed was done. Her blood was already on my hands, and I participated in something so…vile. Spin it all you want, but it would always end at the same point.

"I still regret it to this day. If only I stopped myself…"

"…"

"…"

Silence. The air lingers. Gone is the friendliness they both give, leaving only the bewildered looks in their eyes.

"Sunny. I…wow. I, um, don't know what to say." Rudy gives out a few words, trying to relieve the tension somehow, and even that isn't enough to hide his obvious discomfort from me. Call me selfish, but I sort of hope he would understand and relate to my story. After all, both of us did something horrible in our lives. "I'm…sorry. It must have been rough."

But of course, that's a flawed way of thinking. Compared to me, Rudy is a saint.  

The rest of the world finally seeps back into our minds as we turn around only to realise, we're the only ones left in the cafeteria. Seeing this, Rowan hastily gets up, slinging his school bag. "Erm, so, I guess we have to leave, huh?" Rudy then nods his head. "Yeah, we should. Come on, Sunny. Let's get going." He taps my shoulder, urging me to come along. A friendly gesture, but I know better. That moment where you're trying to keep it all in, brushing off whatever's bothering them, acting like everything's fine. If anything, I should be grateful. Things could turn sour, but they somehow don't.

"Yeah. Let's go." I reply, playing along. And so, we pack our bags and walk away from the cafeteria.

None of us say a word as we walk in the school hallway.

Or at the school gate.

Or at the pavement.

No words. Not a remark or even a simple joke. Just complete dead, utter silence between us.

I can hear the devil laughing at my naivety.

The next day comes in, and I stumble upon Rudy on my way to school. Seeing his figure freezes me in place as if my heart has dropped onto the ground. At any moment I would've turned back and run away had someone not bumped me from behind, snapping me out of it. There's nowhere I could flee to, and so I raise my head, greeting him like usual while donning a mask of bravery. As for him, he looks pretty normal. Just like any other day. Perhaps the talk we had yesterday was no big deal, and he had already moved on?

"Morning, Sunny…" He greets back, smiling weakly at me. "You're quite early, today."

"…yeah…"

But it is immature of me to expect him to shrug it off that easily. I may be socially inept, but I'm not blind. I know someone who's clearly uncomfortable, and Rudy's furrowed eyebrows and his refusal to meet eye contact is a dead giveaway.

"Well, then. Be seeing you." He then excuses himself, walking among the students.

Everything's fine.

Sometime later in the day, I meet with a busy Rowan, shuffling some papers on his desk. It's uncanny to see him acting calm and composed. "You okay?" I ask shortly.

"Huh? Oh, okay. I guess…" He lazily replies, without looking at me. "Just have to clear some assignments. Been putting it off for a while now, so…"

"…I see."

"…"

"…"

"You want something, Sunny?" Rowan asks once more, indifferently.

"…no, not really. Um, talk to you later?"

"…mm." He gives a slight hum as a response, ending our 'small talk'. I walk away from his desk.

Everything's fine.

A few days flew by, and we no longer interact as frequently as we used to. Everyone is busy with themselves, whether it is homework or some personal matters, and I'm not the type who sticks to others like glue. The days when I sat alone at the cafeteria, surrounded by those who had their own groups are slowly returning. Sometimes, I wonder if this is what the rest of my high school years will be like—abandoned. Like some used toy by those who once stuck with me.

Everything's fine.

No. Why am I acting like it's my fault? If anything, it's those two. They're the ones that stab me in the back! I poured my heart and soul into them, trusting them to be by my side, and this is how they repay me? After all these months, is this what our so-called 'friendship bonds' amounted to? It's unfair!

Everything's fine.

I don't need friends. I don't need anyone. For four years, I've been all by myself and I came out fine and dandy. It would be better off without them anyway. I hate them.

Everything's fine.

But is it fair to me to hate them? Is it OK to shift the blame onto them? You reap what you sow, and this is exactly what I deserve. These things are bound to happen, sooner or later. When I shook Rudy's hand at the arcade back then, I knew that this 'friendship' would come crumbling down. If they knew who I really am, and what I really did, then it would create a huge rift between us. Hadn't I thought of this before? Didn't I already make peace with it before I told them?

"Everything's…fine."

Everything should be fine. I am prepared for this, so it shouldn't bother me. To cry about the outcome and whine about what ifs are just hypocritical of me. The truth is, I'm the one that started this whole mess, and now I need to live with the consequences.

And yet, why does my heart ache so much?

Is it wrong for me to be honest with people? Is it a sin for me to feel regret? Rudy was able to do it, so why can't I? What is the difference between him and me?

"…because you killed someone, you idiot."

Two years ago, my Faraway friends knew of the truth, and for a short period, they rejected me. Even if it was what I wanted, the pain was too much to take in. Two years later, the same thing happens again but with new people. You just have to laugh, at this point.

Another school day passes by and everyone is excited to do anything other than memorising formulas and historical events. I find myself in the boys' bathroom, listening to the dripping water leaking from the rusty pipes. The maintenance here leaves a lot to be desired, though I'm sure many students have lodged their complaints, unfortunately, it all fell on deaf ears.

There's a reflection in the mirror in front of me. A not-so-skinny figure, better skin, slightly taller height, and an eyepatch for the missing eye. It feels somewhat nostalgic, I have to admit. Time keeps ticking and before I know it, almost two years have flown by. To think that I'm still here, being literally anywhere other than my bedroom.

As I turn off the faucet and head towards the exit, a memory flashes in my mind. This is also the place where I encountered Mike and his goons and marked the beginning of our 'beautiful' relationship. Come and think about it, when was the last time I saw him? At the restaurant, I think? We barely talk to each other nowadays, and it seems like he's minding his own business now. It's probably for the best, not like I miss him or anything.

The sounds of my footsteps echo through the hallway with golden lights glinting from the windows. It's a peaceful evening like any other, perfect for lazing around and forgetting life's troubles. At times like this, a pilgrimage to Hobbeez is a must thing to do. The laid-back atmosphere they have is perfect for sloths like me. Too bad there is none here in the city, or at least, to my knowledge. I pull out my phone, scrolling through my call logs just to pass time. The words 'Mom' and 'Doctor' are the ones I mostly see, with the occasional names of my classmates and the ones from Faraway, not that it's surprising. I mostly spend my time surfing the web through my desktop, so I rarely find myself sticking this device to my ears like glue.

Except for Aubrey. Her name has been filling the recent call list for at least two weeks now. We usually just talk about mundane stuff, but it's nice to spend more time with her, even though she's the one that always called me first. At times, I did wonder if I should tell her of my current situation, but I ultimately decided not to. She already has too much on her plate as it is. 

"Yo. What's up, man? Been looking for you."

 Someone calls for my attention. I raise my head, and…

"Good thing you haven't gone back home, yet. I was getting a bit worried."

There he stood in front of me; hazelnut eyes, brown short hair, and his out-of-place flower pin plucked at the left side of his head. For a moment, time seems to slow down as if it's allowing us to have this moment.

"…"

How can I describe this? This feeling roared inside like a wild ocean during a rainstorm. There's this flare of rage, seeing him showing his face in front of me after all this time, acting like nothing's ever happened. But there are also these small cracks of fear inside, making me cower. And of course, a glimmer of hope for a chance to make amends.

I raise my hand to greet him. "Hey…" Rowan smiles at me, and yet at the back of my mind, I can't help but be wary of his sudden appearance. What on earth could he have wanted this time? If he wants to cut ties, then surely this encounter is needless?

"Look, man. I…" His body language screams his reluctance to be here. Could Rudy be putting him into this? Is he putting an act to pull me into this false sense of security? My overthinking self is taking over again, and I don't like it. Right now, I need to come up with an excuse and walk away, ending this whole thing. Better not to confront them any longer. What's done is done. "Sorry, Rowan. But I have to—"

"Are you…free? After this?" He suddenly cuts me off. "Yes, I am." I blurt out an honest reply.

"Oh, okay. Um, want to go and hang out somewhere?"

"Erm…"

Damn it, I just had to give him an honest answer. Whatever, I need to cook up an excuse quickly. I don't want to drag Mom's name into this, but I could tell him that I need to run an errand, and so I can't join him. Or maybe I could just say I'm tired and in no mood to go out. Or perhaps, I could…

And that's how I find myself walking in the mall with Rowan beside me, who is texting with someone, from the looks of it. His red flip phone catches my good eye. An old model, with a small Lego figure attached to it. Is he not planning to buy the latest model everyone's been talking about? The one where you could touch the screen to type, instead of a dial pad? Technology sure has come a far way.

I blow out a sigh. All those thought-out excuses and none are said out loud. The words are right there at the tip of my tongue but somehow wouldn't come out. Could it be happiness, that Rowan is finally talking to me again? Or is it anger, that it took him this long to say something? But do I even have the right to have such feelings, when he's justified to do so?

"…hello, Sunny? You alright?"

I flinch a little, immediately turning my head to face Rowan who is looking at me with concern. "I was talking about that new phone everyone's been crazy about. Like, I bet you five dollars I could turn my head right now, and there would be a phone ad plastered on the wall."

"O-Oh…yeah."

The boy lets out a snicker. "Heh, you do daydream a lot. Kind of like Hiyori sometimes. I can't really read the both of you."

"…"

"…"

Silence is stretched into the thin atmosphere, and it doesn't seem to break anytime soon. This is as frustrating as it is awkward. I could really use a distraction right now…

"Hey, so…you must feel weird right now, right? Me, suddenly asking you out of the blue…"

Rowan finally gets into it. I don't say a word, allowing him to continue. "I…ugh, this is so hard. Um, I understand that you might be angry, and I totally get why. You have a valid reason to do so. It's just, er…"

And here I thought I was the clumsy one when it comes to words. His wishy-washy attitude is slowly starting to irritate me. If he's going to end it once and for all, then make it quick. I would rather not be stuck in limbo while waiting for him to make his decision. However, as I am about to tell him, Rowan's sudden grunt stops me. "Ah, screw this. Sunny, what you did is really messed up and I just need time to process it all."

"…"

Well, that is something. I did ask for him to be direct, but not THIS direct. How am I supposed to reply to that? Snapping myself out of the daze, I force my tongue to string a few sentences. "I-I thought that you guys hated me and don't want to be friends anymore." As much as I want to blame them for ditching me, my story isn't the tragic kind you commonly found in stories, the kind that makes you sympathize with the character. 

"Well, I don't know about Rudy, but it was for me at first."

"…"

Rowan then explains after I didn't say anything. "Honestly, it was hard at first. I couldn't believe my ears on that day. The fact that someone as quiet as you could commit something so…extreme. It's too much to take in. I was shocked, to say the least. Were it up to me, I wanted nothing more but to get up from the seat and walk away. I didn't want to do anything with you anymore. I admit, even now it's hard to see you the same way again."

His words cut deep. Deeper than any knife. And for a moment, I hate myself for even being spiteful of their recent changes. It's only natural for Rowan to feel this way. "But it just doesn't feel right, you know. All of us, leaving each other after so long. It would be cowardly of me to walk away after everything you've been through, and I don't want our high school lives to end like this."

Rowan pauses, scratching the back of his head, looking down in shame. "Heh, look at me. I always act tough and talk shit, but when push comes to the shove, I'm the first one to back out."

"It's not your fault." I retort.

"I wish it's as easy as that," says the boy. "I was about to leave you when you needed us the most. What kind of friend would that be, right?" He sighs regretfully. Rowan may see it as an act of cowardice, but I say otherwise. If you don't want it, why force yourself into doing it? "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want us to still be friends if that's alright with you." He then stays quiet, looking at me expectantly. How am I supposed to deal with this? It would be easy to turn my back right now, knowing that Rowan is struggling to accept me back, even if he said otherwise. Why would he still want to associate with someone with a troubled past like me? Aren't I just adding more emotional baggage to them? Just cut this string and be done with it.

But somehow, my hands would not let go, clinging onto it as if I were about to fall from a tall cliff. "I…"

"You don't have to give your answer right now," assures the boy. "Besides, Rudy's not here anyway. Let's hear what he has to say."

"Where is he?"

"At the restaurant, I think. He went in first to book a seat."

It seems I still have time to think about this thoroughly.

…

Our three-minute walk comes to an end with Rowan and I now standing before what seems to be a Japanese-style restaurant. Circle wooden tables were arranged inside, the strong aroma brewing from the kitchen, and red banners with writings on them hung at the entrance. If I have to guess, they're probably going for the 'small Japanese stall food one can find on the alleyway' theme.

"Didn't know Rudy fancies places like this." I point out.

"Me too. You aren't a big fan?" Rowan asks.

I shake my head. "I was expecting he would choose a typical fast-food joint, that's all."

One might think finding Rudy is hard but fortunately, his blue-dyed hair already did half of the job for us. It's like he's asking to be noticed. And sure enough, we find him staring at the menu before he raises his head to see us approaching him. "Cozy little place, isn't it?"

"It's…out there, that's for sure. Definitely different from Metro Sandwich we always go to." Rowan explains as we both take our seats. "I didn't know about it myself. Hiyori's the one that told me about this."

"Huh. Figures."

The three of us stay silent for a hot minute, waiting for someone to make a move. Unfortunately, this is more than just an innocent hangout between friends. Right before I could say anything, Rudy closes the menu and puts it aside, looking at me. "I think now would be a good time to talk."

Glad to see we're all on the same page, then. With a little bit of confidence I have, I start out with much-needed talk. "You don't have to do all this, Rudy. Bringing me to a special place like this…"

He nods his head. "You're right. We could've done this at the park nearby and our conversation would be the same. But I wanted this. Nothing wrong with spoiling ourselves every now and then, right?"

Without waiting for me to answer, Rudy continues as he clears his throat. "Sunny, I know whatever I'm going to say wouldn't change anything, nor would it undo the things you went through. But I'll say this, and I know Rowan thinks the same thing too. You are still our friend, and nothing will change between us."

My heart aches. They're not being hostile nor are they rejecting me. I just simply can't fathom their thought process for them to come to this conclusion. Unable to look them in the eye, I squeeze out a few words: "Why? Why are you forcing yourself to do this?"

I could hear Rudy taking a deep breath. Is he offended by what I said? "Everyone makes mistakes, Sunny. Some do small, petty ones while others do…big, grave ones. What you did was horrible yes, but from what I see, you're trying to change yourself. To be better. I think that's admirable."

"What I did is more than just a mistake."

"I know, but you can't let that define who you are now. In the two years that we've been friends, I see you as someone kind, a bit lazy, but considerate to others. Believe it or not, you ARE a good person. Look, I'm not trying to say I relate to your pain, because I don't. However, I understand that feeling of not being good enough. That feeling that you're still the same as you were years ago. You heard my story; you knew all the things I did. If there is a chance for me to get my family back together, my old friends, I would grab it in a heartbeat. But I can't. Half the school is scared of me, and the other hates me. So, trust me when I say I do understand your fears."

Rowan then chips in. "And, you said it yourself. You've been seeing doctors, going out more, meeting new people. To me, that is someone who tries to better himself, and that's great, man! Unless you refuse to change and still be how you were, then sure. But that's not it, right?"

"So, Sunny. Thank you for telling us your story. It's good that you trust us enough to share something so personal. And, sorry for avoiding you before. We just need time to think about it, that's all."

"…"

Fools. Both of them. Sticking up for someone like me, are they out of their minds? The past doesn't define who I am? I am the product of my past! And now, they're apologising, as if this whole thing is their fault!?

But at the same time, their kindness begins to overwhelm me. Something is bubbling inside, and I don't know what to feel or say.

"…no, this is wrong. I should be the one apologising to you two."

"Huh, what are you talking about?" Rowan pats me on the back, trying to cheer me up. "You didn't do anything wrong to us."

"I know, it's just…"

Why do I keep second-guessing others? Why can't I just accept people's kindness as it is, and not be pessimistic about it? Am I subconsciously seeking judgement, wandering around aimlessly, hoping for someone to bring down the hammer of justice upon me? Wanting them to just say it in front of my face? Of how terrible I am? And yet, all I get are words of comfort, compassion, and sympathy from those around me. Even if they explain it well, I still can't believe how willing they are to stay close. 

Or perhaps, it didn't affect them personally, so it was easier to digest?

A sigh escapes my lips. "It looks like I can't change your mind, huh?"

"Nope, and that's final. Take it or leave it." They both speak simultaneously. It seems there is no use denying it. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, these two have already made up their mind. If that's the case, then…

"…thank you."

If they still insist on sticking with me, I guess I have no choice but to go with their wishes. "Thank you for all this. If it's okay, I want to start again. With you guys, I mean."

Both of them reply with a smile. Words are unnecessary when the sentiment is shared. "Alright, shit's getting too sappy now." Rowan, of course being the voice of reason, brings this whole 'feels trip' to an end. "Pass me the menu, Rudy. All this talking is making me cranky."

"Sure, man." Rudy chuckles, giving him the booklet. "Just, don't take the expensive ones, please."

"…no promises." 

Bonus:

"Haah...seems like everyone has a story to tell." Rowan moans from the corner, looking like he just chugged three mugs of beers, even though he only drank a can of soda. "Well, why not tell us yours, then?" I curiously ask. The only thing I know about Rowan is his wealthy family background and his passion for Legos. Other than that, he's pretty much a mystery. 

"You do? Are you sure you want to know? My story is not for the faint of heart." He then pauses, angrily glaring at Rudy. "What's with that face, asshole? You have something to say?"

"No, no. Keep going."

The flower boy grumbles as he turns to me, clearing his throat. "I was just an ordinary kid, with an ordinary family and ordinary friends. But then one day, we have to move places, and I ended up transferring to this school. It was painful in the beginning, I tell you. Everyone avoided me like I was some sort of disease or something. Do you know how it feels like when someone immediately moves away as soon as you approach them?"

I nod my head in agreement, but then Rudy touches my shoulder, smirking. "What he's not telling you is that he kept screaming to everyone about his Lego stuff, and when no one was on the same page, he got angry and threw a fit."

"I'm not angry! I'm just...passionate, that's all."

"Yeah sure, buddy."

"So, how the two of you met up?" I ask. Rudy answers: "We happened to share the same table during lunch one day, and we just, continued from there."

Rowan butts in. "It was the time when Rudy had no friends—"

"You don't need to tell him that."

"Anyway, unlike the others, he actually listened to what I had to say—"

"I tolerated you."

"For fuck's sake, can you let me talk!?"

 I take a small sip of my iced grape juice. It tastes fine. 

Chapter Text

"Mmgh…"

A groan slipped out from her dried lips, clearly frustrated that her slumber was interrupted by the sunlight creaking from the window, pulling her from her good sleep. Of all the times she had to wake up, it had to be when the dream was reaching its climax. And what's worse, she can't even remember what it was about! The young girl rolled her body over like a lawn roller, burying her face into her soft pillow, trying to grasp whatever journey she was going through in her dream. But it was a fruitless effort. She intended to remain in her bed for a few more minutes, but then…

Something came up in her mind. Something important. Something…

"Oh, yeah!"

The bulb in her head shined brightly as the young girl sprung out from her bed, jerking her head towards the calendar nailed to her wall. Her eyes wandered around until finally, she noticed the big circle drawn on a particular date.

'May 23. Happy birthday!'

Aubrey smiled gleefully, clasping both her hands to contain her bubbling excitement. Today was the day. HER day! How could she forget such an important detail? Silly girl, she scolded herself. It was one of the few days when her parents would buy her something nice and cute as her birthday present. Oh, how delightful! Aubrey knew how strict they can be at times as if she was a cub living with two lions. But on days like these, where she could see their joyful smiles as they brought her to buy some pretty clothes together—even if it lasted for a short while—were what made it even more special.

And not just that, she even got lots and lots of presents from her dearest friends too! Ever since she moved into this town, Aubrey was afraid none would want to be her friend. Everyone already had their own, and joining them felt a bit awkward. But luckily, she met a group of nice people that wanted to hang out with her. Since then, her day-to-day life became much, much happier. Though Aubrey didn't say it out loud, she looked at them as if they were…her second family. She couldn't ask for anything more.

But of course, since it was her birthday, she had the right to ask anything to her heart's content. The excitement was too much to handle, as little Aubrey began to mentally list the things she would get. Mari and Hero are going to cook delicious cookies, Basil is going to make a beautiful flower crown just for her, and Kel is finally going to stop teasing her, even if it lasts for five minutes. And of course, Sunny! He doesn't talk much, always giving short glances, but overall, a nice person to hang around.

"Ah, I need to brush my teeth!"

Laying around in bed all day was not the best thing to start a birthday, Aubrey thought. And so, she hastily stood up and dashed towards the bathroom. She can't wait to go downstairs and see what her parents are up to. She can't wait to head outside and run across town like there's no tomorrow.

She can't wait to see her friends again.

"Mmgh…"

A groan slipped out from her mouth, frustrated that her slumber was interrupted so abruptly. Getting a good sleep these days felt like finding a gem in the middle of a desert. Aubrey wiped her eyes as her vision slowly refocused, making her see clearly again. Little droplets dripped down from the leaking ceilings, stinking her room with the awful stench of rain. Was it pouring heavily, yesterday? She must have slept like a log if she didn't realise it, and even that wasn't enough to call it a good sleep.

She can't even remember her dreams as of late. Not like she wanted to, since it was all a bunch of nonsense, anyway. Sometimes, it was her wandering aimlessly in the darkness. Sometimes, she was in scenarios that were so absurd she couldn't even bring it into words. And sometimes, she was in the backyard, watching in horror as her lifeless body—

"…ugh, damn it…"

Wanting to shake that thought away, Aubrey took a look at her weary calendar. May 23. The happiest day of her life. Used to be, but not anymore. Birthdays were supposed to be a special day, but it was all a childish fantasy, and she once believed in it too. Now, it brought her nothing but painful memories. Things that made her laugh, made her cry, made her confused…

Every day she wondered. Every day she cursed. Every day she wept. What happened? Why did it happen? What did she miss? Could she have done a lot more?  Was it her fault? Was it their fault? Where were they? Why did they move on so easily? Did they even care? Didn't they like her as much as she did?

All of these questions, and she can't answer even one.

Aubrey turned her head towards the worn mattress she called her bed. "Need to change a new one…" she reminded herself, as she got up, preparing to go through yet another day. The church was the first thing that came into Aubrey's mind. She needed to be there quick, or else 'she' might feel lonely. But then, as she headed down…

She caught a quick glance of herself in the mirror. And at that moment, Aubrey knew that nightmares can even occur when you're not sleeping.

Messy, dirty clothes.

Long unkempt hair, partially covered her drained face.

The fading colour of blonde dye.

"…!"

Panicked, Aubrey's eyes darted around the small attic she called her room. Canned sodas were scattered around, piles of clothes on the floor, and even Mari's old blouse was there, mixed in with the dirty jackets. She stood there petrified as if she saw a ghost. How did her room become this messy? She always made sure to put her things tidily, or could it be that she have forgotten to do so last night？ And this awful smell…

Aubrey looked at the mirror again. The reflection that stared back at her, who was she? This…disgusting person couldn't possibly be her. Yes, that had to be it! She would never, ever in her life, bring herself down to this pathetic state. No, this was not her. It simply couldn't! Aubrey refused to acknowledge that was her. It was something else. She was someone else. She was…

"Mother…"

Horrified, she knocked the mirror away, not wanting to see that heinous image any longer. The sounds of her feet stomping on the floor echoed in the decaying walls as the girl immediately picked her clothes up and threw all the trash into a plastic bag. On that day, she swore to never, ever repeat the same mistake again.

Some birthday this was.

"Ugh…"

A slight groan slipped out from Aubrey's lips as the weight of her decision finally sinks down her consciousness. It's a bad idea, her brain warned. You're going to suffer, her heart said. But no, she just had to be a stubborn girl, and look what happened.

There's only one culprit, and it's definitely not her.

"AHAHA, LOOK AT THIS GIRL EATING LIKE A GOBLIN!!"

It's one thing to be born with an annoying voice, but to shout it constantly even when they're close is more than enough to drive the girl mad. She's not deaf, though, at this point, she'd rather be one. "Shut up! This is your fault!"

"Ah, classic Aubrey. Blaming things on me instead of herself." Kel sighs dramatically, wiping his forehead like a damsel in distress. "I guess being eighteen still doesn't change who you are."

"You watch your mouth, you big f—ugh…" Her stomach acts up just as she is about to give that idiot a lesson. Guess it's a sign to behave herself, then. "Easy there, Aubrey. You're going to vomit if you talk too much." Basil, her other friend, is gently patting her on the back, wearing a concerned face. "Er, maybe you want something to soothe the pain? A tea, perhaps?"

The girl shakes her head. She appreciates his gesture, but the last thing she wants to do right now is to stuff more things into her stomach. She wouldn't even dare to open her mouth, lest things might pour out, and it sure as hell is not going to be rainbows. How did it ever get to this? There was only one cake, and that idiot Kel was chomping it like a beaver eating its favourite wood. HER cake, and he acted like it was his bloody birthday! Any sensible person would claim that delicious bakery before anyone else could, right?

Alright, maybe she was acting a bit childish and immature. But…

"Whoa, would you look at that! You sure gobble it all up, Aubs. I mean, half of it by yourself? I guess that means no more wearing crop tops for the next two weeks, huh?"

The Queen of Gluttony could only groan at her snarky comments. The typical calorie joke, spouted by none other than the taffy lunatic herself. How ironic. "Shut up, Kim." She snaps at her best friend, to which Kim laughs loudly, nudging Aubrey's shoulders. "Hey, think on the bright side. If you could stomach half of this big ass cake, that must mean you like it, right?" Kim then turns to one of Aubrey's friends, smirking. "Nice choice, Charlene. Tell you what, when it's my birthday, I'll let you handle the cake. Deal?"

All things considered, it is a delicious cake, and Aubrey couldn't certainly complain when it comes to eating good food. Leaving herself on only instant noodles and carbonated drinks is not exactly what one would call a healthy diet. Not like cake is any healthier, but it's way better than whatever she used to have. "Thanks, Charlene." Aubrey smiles at her friend, to which she replies with a nod and a small thumbs up. Quiet, but a sweetheart. It reminds her of a certain someone…

But let's not talk about that. He's not even here, anyway.

In the back of her head, Aubrey wondered how did they even collect the money to buy the cake. All she knows is that these fools, Kel and Basil included, suddenly jumped on her, dragged her into their secret hangout spot, and screamed happy birthday into her ears. They even gave her a little plastic crown, with the words 'Queen of the Day!' written on it.

"…"

Aubrey heaves a light sigh, smiling. Sure, she was acting a bit childish and immature, but what's the harm in doing it once in a while? Especially if it's during her birthday. Her eighteenth birthday. And spending it with none other than her precious friends is already the best present she could ever ask for. Even if some could not be here, like Hero for example. Poor guy is filled with college studies. And of course, a certain someone who still hasn't given a call, but aside from that, it is all fine.

Finally, birthdays mean something again.

"May I have your attention, please?" Yet another loud voice rings through the park. Enough with the shouting, poor Aubrey begs. A young man now standing valiantly, and soon as everyone turns their heads, they all collectively sigh. "To commemorate this historic day of our beautiful rose coming into this Earth, I shall share with you, my fellow compatriots, my most honest, most heartfelt, most passionate speech for our lovely friend. May you all be moved by it. Ehem, dear—"

"Alright, Mikhael. Thank you, moving on."

"I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET!"

"First things first. Snacks, check. Games and juices, ready and okay…alright, everything's here. Now then…"

"GIRLS' NIGHT!"

And cheers and laughter echo through the room, followed by the sounds of soda cans being cracked open. The day may be over, but to them, the night is still young to party and hang out together. And what better place could they be other than Kim's dry, basic and boring bedroom? And with a certain brute going out to who-knows-where, this room is basically theirs to use.

"Finally, it's just us three, and no boys. Is this heaven, because it might be so. HAHAHA!" Kim's laughter is loud as always, much like her brother's. "Seriously, if I have to listen to Mikhael's stupid delusions one more time, I'm going to punch someone. And, I mean that!" She grumbles before ripping the taffy wrapper with her teeth.

"And who that person might be?" Charlene asks the bespectacled girl as she gulps the soda drink. Kim stares at her unamusingly. "Really, Charlene? Do I really need to answer that?"

"Hmph," Aubrey roughly blows air out of her nose, joining in to roast the poor blondie. "You would think he would stop his bullshit by now. It seems to be getting much worse."

"I…actually don't mind him that much," Charlene answers timidly. Aubrey certainly doesn't expect that reaction, especially from her. "No way. You're just saying that because you feel bad about him, right?"

She shakes her head. "Think about it. We're all graduating soon. So, he might want to do it one last time before we...you know."

"Well…"

Aubrey couldn't find a way to counter that. Much as she hates to admit it, there is a certain charm to Mikhael's shenanigans that she just can't find anywhere else. Sure, they may hate it now, but in five years, when everyone goes their separate ways, wouldn't there be a moment where she will reminisce her times with all of them, together? Wishing that she could relive said memories? It's food for thought, that's for sure.

While she does have a point, having a mid-life crisis is not how Aubrey wishes to spend her night together with the girls. That kind of thinking can be saved for later. "You're too nice, Charlene. But don't be too lax on Mikhael, or else—"

"Aiee, can we stop talking about that idiot for just five minutes? For fuck's sake, he's not even here!" Kim throws a hissy fit, and it's the other girls' turn to give her unamusing glares. "You're the one that brought him in the first place."

…

And so, the night continues its reign as more and more people begin to fall into sleep's embrace. The moon glints through the window, slightly illuminating the darkened room. One might think the girls have already tucked in bed, but do not be fooled by the darkness, for it only serves as a backstage for something else. Or in layman's terms, a mood enhancer.

"…they said that whoever reads the poem out loud, bad things shall befall them. Reading it in English won't do; you must read it in Japanese for the curse to work. Some reported that nothing bad happened, while others simply disappeared. From what I heard, there was a case where a female student read the poem for a daring prank, and a week after..."

"...she was found dead."

Charlene involuntarily swallows a nervous gulp. "I-Is the poem really that bad? What is it about?"

"The only thing I know is that the person who wrote it got the inspiration after losing his family members," Kim explains. "Other than that, I don't know."

Stories like these are not for the faint of heart, and poor Charlene is already worried her sleep may not be as pleasant for the next few days. She tries to brush it off, saying that it's only a silly rumour. "I don't believe it. There's no way a poem could k-kill you…" But the spectacled girl sees her unwavering will and takes advantage of it. "Well, you could always try to read it by yourself. See what happens…"

It seems both of them are enjoying themselves, but it feels like the party's missing someone. And sure enough, a pink-haired girl is isolating herself, lying on the bed, grumbling silently. Is she too getting bothered by the creeps? That might be so if her brain was even giving half the attention to Kim's stories, but instead, Aubrey has been spending the last ten minutes staring at her phone, even to the point her eyes start to become itchy. But what on earth could she be doing? Those little pixels in the device could only offer so much, and unless she's focusing to beat her personal record on that snake game, she is, well, wasting time.

"…where are you…?" Her restlessness seeps out from her lips, as the worried girl keeps pressing the dial pad, skimming through her contact lists, hoping for a miracle to occur, a saving grace in her time of need, but alas, there is no sign of a fairy godmother appearing out of thin air, and poof away all her worries. As she keeps scrolling up and down, there is a particular number that she keeps lingering around. Something about that contact list makes her uneasy, unable to make a decision. From the moment she woke up today, to the party they held, and now hanging out at Kim's house, that…feeling is always there. How would she describe it? Frustration? Anger? Longing, perhaps? Whatever it is, this number is the culprit, and all she has to do is to press the button. Aubrey knows this. A process even a child can do, and yet she still struggles.

"Come on, Aubrey…"

"You look like a high school girl waiting for a text from her crush."

"WHA—" The girl's whole turmoil comes down shattered like glass, all thanks to Kim's sudden cameo in her thoughts. Poor girl has to remind herself to breathe for a moment. "Go away, asshole! Can't you see I'm busy right now?"

"I don't know, girl. Staring at your phone doesn't define busy to me," Kim answers unamusingly. "It's not like there's anything in that old junk, anyway. Can't even browse Myspace…" Aubrey is about to ignore her long monologue, but then Kim suddenly stops, much to her confusion. With the ends of her lips slowly curling upwards, the girl looks at her with knowing, mischievous eyes, and right there and then Aubrey realises, the night is going to be a long one. "Unless…"

As she predicted, Kim leans forward and tries to steal a small peek at the screen, but Aubrey's reflexes react accordingly. Her hands cover the cellular device, shielding it from view. "Hey, personal space!"

"Whoa, what's with the whole secrecy act you're doing right now!?"

"I'm not hiding anything…" Aubrey tries to push her away, but the attack is relentless, and her defence is being tested. "You sure are! Come on, you don't have to hide. We're friends, remember?"

"Ugh, damnit Kim. I said I'm not!" Not even her raised voice is enough to put down the curiosity, as Aubrey's friend pushes for an answer. "Playing hard to get, hmm? Fine, then. I'm just going straight to the point since you're so bad at lying." She readjusts her glasses, obviously mimicking the gesture of an intelligent person cliché, with a smile so smug and disgusting Aubrey wishes she'd never seen that. And to think just hours ago she mocked Mikhael for being immature. "So, who's the unlucky guy?"

"I told you, it's no one…and what do you mean by unlucky!?"

Kim clicks her tongue out of frustration. "This is a tough nut to crack. Seems like we need more manpower…or should I say, womanpower?" She claps both her hands as if she's sending a signal, and sure enough, Charlene's presence seeps into the conversation. For someone as gentle as her, she sure can be intimidating.

Aubrey internally sighs. These two girls are now playing the whole 'good-cop-bad-cop' routine on her. And it's about love, of all things. Feels like this is taken straight out of a sitcom show. What happened to the horror vibes just a moment ago? "Not you too, Charlene…"

"Sorry, Aubs. But this is way more fun than listening to Kim's stories." Such a stern voice, Aubrey notices. She really is playing that role to a tee.

"I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that," Kim begins to crack her knuckles, readying herself to solve the case. "Anyway, you got nowhere to hide, girl. You better cough it up, for your own sake."

Aubrey turns away. "…I'm not telling you anything."

"Ah, so you're not denying it?"

"…"

"Alright, have it your way. If you want to play the game of guess, so be it. I'll list every single one of the boys from our school if I have to!"

And thus, begins Kim and Charlene's arduous task to figure out Aubrey's heart as they list out the names like a teacher during homeroom. And each time they state a name, the pink-haired girl denies it with ease, given they're going to get it wrong, anyway.

"This is a waste of time," Fed up with their antics, she threw her hands, annoyed. "Try as you like, you'll never get any answer from me." And they never will, she reassures herself since they limit to only the ones at her school and at Faraway. Might as well throw in the towel, or so Aubrey hopes. But Kim is not showing any sign of giving up. "Oh, you silly girl. I don't need you to tell me…"

"I just need you to show me."

A sentence so simple, and yet it's enough to throw the interrogated girl into disarray. What did she mean by that, Aubrey wonders? But of course, Kim chooses to remain silent, as she continues to play with her cards. As time goes on, the two of them are inching slowly, but surely toward the answer. Aubrey braces herself for impact. There is no way they would ever guess it, right? Her mouth is zipped tight, so they can't get a concrete answer. Unless…

It is not a verbal answer that they seek.

"Okay, so it's not the popular ones from school, which tells me everything I need to know of your taste in men. And it's certainly not going to be one from our gang…"

As Kim scrambles for more options, Charlene proposes a name. "Maybe, Basil?"

Hearing the flower's boy name of all people produces a little chuckle from Aubrey. Basil is a good friend, and he has his own charms. But that's all there is to it. A friend; nothing more, nothing less. And besides, bringing their past together into consideration, it's best if their relationship remains the same.

As Kim hears the name of Aubrey's lifelong friend, she suddenly gasps. "Could it be Kel?"

Just imagining that is mind-boggling as it is, bringing the girl to an almost nauseous state. That is already an offence, worthy of breaking a friendship. The nerve of these two to even think of such an option is disgusting. Make no mistake, however. Aubrey has much respect for Kel and enjoys the friendship they both have together. Much as she liked to blame him for all her misfortune, deep down, she was just too afraid to admit it and chose to use him as a scapegoat. And she couldn't be happier that both he and she can rebuild the broken bridge between them after so long. Much like Basil, Kel is a good friend, and she's happy to have him around.

But to endure his stupid antics is already a whole other thing. The number of times they clashed heads against each other; sometimes friendly, sometimes not so much. People may look at it as a sign of chemistry, and they may be right, but honestly, she's getting tired of the constant arguing and shouting. As if the noises at home aren't enough…

"Ah, I can't think of anything more!" The spectacled girl vents her frustration, and Aubrey begins to see the light at the end of this long, embarrassing journey. Her secret is sealed, and she gets to smack that ugly smug Kim had earlier upside down, turning it into a frown. "If not those two, then who!? I want to say Kel's brother, but everyone has a crush on him, and that's way too boring!"

Seeing that idiot losing her marbles brings such joy into Aubrey's heart. Oh, the amount of bragging that she's going to do after this. She could do it now and simply burst into laughter, but no, she has to hold it in. Not until victory is assured. "Are we done? Can we please end this silly game?" asks the girl confidently.

Kim grits her teeth, clearly unsatisfied with her loss, before finally heaving a heavy sigh. "Fine, you win. I got no more tricks in me. How about you? Got anything left?" Aubrey crosses her hands, satisfied. Kim's the main drive, and Charlene is just tagging along. A car will never move if there's no driver to control it. Finally, this whole sitcom show can come to an end.

But then…

"I have nothing, either. I was thinking about that one boy from the city, but…"

"…!"

Charlene said something. Something that pulls the trigger in Aubrey's mind, making her heart skyrocket. And that is enough to bring her whole facade crumbling down.

"Hmm? Oh, you mean Sunny? Yeah, but he's like, miles from here. She couldn't possibly…oh?"

Panic controls her body. Her mind starts to go haywire. A second feels like a minute, a minute feels like an hour, and an hour feels like an eternity. Aubrey turns away, avoiding eye contact. They say the eyes are the windows into the heart, and right now her heart is thumping, vulnerable for anyone to peek in. Blood rushes through her cheeks, turning her skin into a reddish red. But little does she realise; her fate is already sealed.

"No fucking way. You shitting me, right?" Kim gasps, while Charlene stares in astonishment. In the blink of an eye, the whole dynamic shifted. The prey thinks it's already safe after escaping from the lion's den, only to find itself surrounded by a pack of wolves. Aubrey tries to think of something, but she knows it will make things even worse for herself.

And of course, it doesn't take Kim long to light the fuse. "HAHAHA, ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME, RIGHT NOW? YOU, WITH THE CITY NERD?"

"NO, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" She finally speaks, but not the words of victory that she hoped for.

"Then, why are you so flustered?" Her question lands the final nail into the coffin, and Aubrey finds herself stumped. The tongue may conjure lies, but the heart couldn't. There is only one thing she can do now...

...keep denying it, of course. "He's just a friend. Nothing more…" Aubrey squirms, feeling the blush spreading to her ears. Kim refuses to give up, as she continues to egg her for a concrete answer. "Girl, I may be dumb, but I'm not blind. No one blushes like that when talking about a 'friend'." 

"I…I…"

"Oh, wow. So, it's really him." Charlene just has to give a comment, doesn't she? But then, Kim cuts in; her face shines with curiosity. "No, Charlene. I want to hear it from her own mouth. C'mon Aubrey, say it~"

"Damn it, Kim…" Seeing that shit-eating grin plastered on her face fills Aubrey's heart with rage and contempt. Why is she enjoying this so much? The girl grits her teeth, trying to play tough one last time.

"Don't be shy. You like him, don't you?" She continues to egg Aubrey, pushing her to her limit. "I don't…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…you like him, don't you?"

"Alright, fine! I do, okay? You happy now?"

"See? That wasn't so hard." Says Kim with that stupid grin she wears proudly. As Aubrey wants to berate her for it, in the end, she's the one who won the bragging rights. If only she could keep her emotions under control, but that's probably what she gets for being so angry all the time. Though, she has to admit; her chest feels a lot more relieved after telling the truth.

Charlene then inches closer to Aubrey, looking at her with innocent eyes, but her facade would not go unnoticed. Even someone as quiet and reserved as her can hide a few tricks under their sleeves. "Don't think you're getting away with this." Aubrey jokes with her, to which she replies with a hearty laugh. It's good to see her being more open with people. Charlene has a good heart, even if her appearance might say otherwise.

"I don't expect Sunny to be your type, Aubrey." The girl comments, followed by Kim chiming in. "Yeah, isn't that a bit weird for you to choose him? I mean, he did have the whole mysterious vibe around him, but he did hurt you before, remember? With that knife of his?"

"He's not like that! I promise you…" Aubrey pleas in his defence. That day, she remembers well. Four years. Four years of anger and confusion. Four years of struggling to let go of everything, and finally move forward. And all that effort has gone to waste. Not by Basil, Kel, or even Hero.

But Sunny. Him, of all people. That weak, skinny figure of his. That scarily pale skin that hasn't felt the touch of sunlight for who knows how long. His face never changed, as if he was directly ripped out of the photo album. Oh, how similar he looked to his late sister. For a split second, Aubrey feared that she herself came and punished her for even thinking of moving on. It was a day full of regrets, and Aubrey wishes to never relive it again.

"Are you sure? He might be okay for now, but who knows when he will snap? And if he does, what then? Sounds like a hassle to deal with."

Aubrey looks at Kim, feeling a bit offended. "I don't think we have the right to say such things to him. Aren't we a bunch of fuck-ups as well?"

"Well, I…"

Kim may sound a bit rude, but Aubrey understands her reasoning. She's just worried for her friend, that's all. And besides, it isn't like she's talking nonsense. Any sensible person would tell her the same thing. Find someone with less baggage. There are plenty of good men out there, and they probably have a point. But this is more than that. There might be better choices, but Sunny's different.

To Aubrey, Sunny's different.

"He and I, we go way back. Whenever everyone was busy with something, he would always be there, ready to listen to whatever I had to say. It's embarrassing, thinking about it. I must have told him some silly things, but he never once judged me for it. And I guess, that's what I really appreciate about him."

Aubrey remembers it well. On a quiet afternoon, usually after school. When the children were happily running around, leaving the two kids on the swing set, unnoticed. Not even their closest friends knew about it, but she preferred it that way. A moment just for themselves. An isolated world, where nothing mattered save for them both.

A world where he saw nothing but her.

And she saw nothing but him.

Perhaps, it was that time when these feelings started to blossom. She didn't understand it back then, but she certainly does now.

While she is going over the moon right now, the other two girls simply sit in silence, staring at this…phenomenon with bewildered eyes. Has this girl turned mad, they say to themselves. Her motion, her way of speaking, feels off. If they have to describe it, 'girlish' seems to fit well.

"Is there something wrong?" The pink-haired girl addresses their blank reactions. "No, no. It's nothing…" Kim answers awkwardly.

"Sunny is really that important to you, huh?" Charlene asks. Aubrey chuckles hearing her question. Does it seem that way to them? Is Sunny really that important to her? Well, if he's the reason she's been feeling giddy as of late, then technically, he has to be, right?

What is wrong with me!? She screams internally. These mannerisms, this lovey-dovey talk, it's not her at all. The Aubrey that she knows is the rude, feared delinquent, who has a heart as strong as steel, and does whatever she pleases. Not this dreamlike, hopelessly romantic little girl that she once cast aside. Or maybe, that side of hers never truly died?

"I don't know, I guess?" She sheepishly answers. Charlene asks her yet again. "But Basil and Kel are also your old friends. Why not them?"

"Oh, those two are good friends. But Sunny, he's different…" The girl sighs, hugging a pillow into her chest, feeling butterflies in her stomach. "When I'm with him, I feel so…safe. It's weird to say that since he's not strong physically. But I don't know. When we're together, it feels like nothing in the world could ever harm me." Her words, coated with sweet honey flow down like a stream, as the thumping of her heart reaches the drums of her ears. Aubrey feels goosebumps dancing around her skin, rejoicing that the heart is finally allowed to talk. To express. To fall in love. The band-aids that tried to cover the past are slowly being ripped off, freeing the little young girl that proudly wears that cute ribbon of hers for everyone to see.

Perhaps, she never really moved on. Aubrey is still there at the playground, sitting on her favourite swing, waiting for her best friend to return.

"Woah, girl. I've never seen you talk with so much…passion." Kim finally speaks, wiping the sweat from her forehead, even though the fans are spinning at max speed. Charlene nods eagerly. At least, someone's enjoying this. 

"You're the one that asks me about it," answers the smitten girl, clutching her pillow tight.

"So, what's the problem?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, why you're looking all gloomy and stuff, today."

"Oh. Well, that's…" Aubrey pauses, thinking of what to say next. It's about time they address the meat of things, and she regrets she can't prolong it enough. It's rather embarrassing, and a bit petty, but they both won't stop pestering her about it unless an answer is given. "I've been waiting for him to call…"

"And?"

Aubrey feels herself squirming inside. Unconsciously, she brings the pillow up to her face, muffling her voice. She glances sideways, saying: "…and, he hasn't called yet, so…"

"…"

The air becomes stagnant for a passing moment. "Er, why not, you know, call him yourself?" Kim, being the voice of reason, brings up the most sensible thing to do. And yet, Aubrey finds it so hard to commit. "Yeah, that's the problem. I sort of, want him to do it first…"

"…"

"…"

Silence. If Aubrey is a betting woman, it's probably the disappointing kind. And sure enough, she hits the jackpot, as she is greeted with facepalms and collective sighs. Too bad she's not in the casino. "So, there's nothing to worry about." Charlene shakes her head, looking more sad than relieved.

"What do you mean it's nothing?"

"Isn't it obvious? Just give him a fucking call, dude! I don't understand why you're making such a fuss over this." Kim grumbles. Her hand is shaking, looking as if to slap some sense into the lovestruck girl.

"You two don't understand!" Aubrey tries to justify her reasoning. "Every time we talked over the phone, I was the one that called him first. Every time we texted each other, I was the one that started it first. Can't you all see? It's always me, me, and me. Why can't he do it for once? Is that too much to ask? Oh, it's alright if he's talking to Kel and Basil first, but all of a sudden, he can't do that with me!?"

After throwing quite a rant, Aubrey finally cools down, feeling slightly relieved to release some steam. She knows how childish and petty this all is, but it won't stop bothering her as of late. And as time goes on, that annoyance only grows bigger. "I'm sorry. It's just, sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one that's so into this…" She puts the pillow aside, heaving a rough sigh. "…forget it. Maybe he doesn't see me that way."

A tough pill to swallow, but there's nothing she can do about it. Sunny is a nice person. Quiet, but fun to hang around with. Willing to spend some time listening to the stupid girl talking about her stupid troubles in life. His presence makes her feel so safe and secure, and that's what Aubrey likes about him. At first, she thought that he was being like this just for her. That life has decided to send him to her; her very own knight in shining armour, that shall save her from turmoil and carry the princess towards the sunset.

Aubrey thought she was special. But reality came knocking at her door. His kindness, his calming nature, and his compassion; it's not just for her. It's for everyone.

Sunny never chooses when it comes to helping those in need. And that's why everyone loves to have him around.

Is it wrong if she wants him to show those kindnesses to her only? Is it selfish for wishing such a thing? She should be happy that Sunny is changing for the better, and as a matter of fact, she is. How proud she felt when he told her of the stories he had in the city, the people he met, and the new friends he made. But still, the heart is like a child. When things don't go their way, they will make sure everyone knows it.

And right now, the heart is in disarray. Worried whether this little fantasy may not come true. And Aubrey has no one else to blame but herself. Her feelings might resurface, but can the same be said for him? Years have gone by, and everyone has changed, including her. She might be Aubrey, but she is no longer the Aubrey that always waited for him at the playground. The sweet, little Aubrey that everyone liked.

That person is gone. Carried away by the sands of time, leaving only a young, broken teen with no more smiles to offer. An outcast to some, a delinquent to many, a brat to everyone. Who would ever have feelings for someone like her?

But she's changed, hasn't she? Her old friends are now back together, so that has to be a good sign, yes? People are willing to accept her, albeit slowly. And Sunny, if he truly hates her, he wouldn't be replying back to her calls. The friendship that they built since childhood is still there!

Or perhaps, she wishes it could be something more. More than just a friend. Something more intimate.

"I don't know if he likes me back. I mean, you both know who I am, what I did. What if he likes the old me, and not…me?"

Sunny might be kind, but even he has limits. A person can be pushed so hard before he breaks. Has she crossed that line? And time has passed far too long for those feelings to stand. The city is a big place, so he might already find someone else. Someone far more beautiful and kinder, that can be by his side without burdening him further.

The other girls stay silent, and Aubrey couldn't blame them. What once started as a simple teasing game turns out to become something they all didn't expect. But before she could apologise for souring the mood, Kim suddenly says something. "Then, the only thing left is to give him a call."

Aubrey stares at her, dumbfounded. "Huh?"

"You heard me. If he's not coming to you, then you have to go to him!" She says with such conviction, before turning to Charlene to earn her approval. The girl shows a thumbs up as a reply.

Aubrey, still remaining hesitant, gives out a grunt. "Haven't you been listening? I don't even know if he feels the same way. What if it looks like I'm forcing myself unto him?"

"Well, you know the saying: you never know if you never try." Such a surface-level answer. It's like asking a homeless person to simply buy a house. "Besides, if you're so pressed about it, why not ask him to come today? It's not like the city's that far from here."

The girl hesitates to answer. The truth is, she did think of inviting him over, and while the city is indeed nearby, they're not literally neighbours any longer. To invite Sunny to come all the way here just to celebrate a silly party is pretty selfish of her. Still, Aubrey can't help but wonder if she did decide to be one just this once. 

"Maybe send him a picture next time. I'm sure he won't say no…"

"…!"

Both Aubrey and Kim can feel goosebumps all over. The shivers that run down their spine guide them to turn towards the source, and they both stare at the last girl, with much disbelief, and awe. Reality can be stranger than fiction, and it shows here. After all, never judge a book by its cover.

Aubrey is at a loss of words, while Kim quickly bounces back. "Ooh, now that's just dirty, Charlene. But why stop there? I say we take it up a notch." She then looks at Aubrey with sly eyes. "Maybe, have her lying on the bed, messy hair, put on a resting bitch face or what not. That will surely drive him crazy…" She can feel blood rushing to her face, deepening the blush even further as Kim's words begin to form an image in her mind, and it's certainly not a wholesome one. "…maybe show a bit of cleavage~"

"OH MY GOD, SHUT UP! YOU'RE MAKING IT WEIRD!" She has it enough. Unable to take the teasing any further, Aubrey tries to strangle Kim, only to be held by Charlene's massive hands. "Damn it, Charlene. You on her side, now!?"

"Hah, why you gotta be so mad, girl? You know he would be head over heels for you after seeing that. And don't try to act so innocent, as if you've never fantasized about him before."

"That is none of your business!" The scenario itself is rather pleasant to think of but to hear it said out loud from someone else, let alone her own friend, the humiliation is too much for the young teen to bear. After much struggle, Aubrey finally breaks free from Charlene's grasp, unable to reach that hooded menace. "Sunny is not that kind of person. He won't be bothered by things like that…"

Though, it will be a lie to say she is not slightly interested in Sunny's reaction should she pull such a daring stunt. Oh, how she would absolutely love to see his cute, adorable face flushes with embarrassment, as he tries so hard to avert his gaze. So innocent, but Aubrey knows better. He thought he was being sneaky, but she did notice the little, naughty glances Sunny had the few times they were together. How cute.

Unfortunately, she won't get to see any of that. To have Sunny show a bit of emotion, let alone react to anything is like waiting for pigs to fly. His blank, nonchalant face will always be his default. Will it kill him to show more interest in her?

"…yeah, that's right. He won't be bothered. Matter of fact, he might just air the message and not even reply. Or worse, he's going to act dumb and answer with that monotone voice of his." Unbeknownst to Aubrey, her mouth gains a mind of its own, making her frustration even more transparent. "I bet right now he's 'so busy' to give me a call, or even wish me a good night. Not caring at all about my feelings…"

Kim looks at Charlene. Charlene looks at Kim. "Charlene, what am I seeing?"

"I think Mikhael calls it a 'tsundere'."

"I miss the cold-hearted Aubrey already." 

The night continues, and no matter how energetic the girls are, their bodies couldn't resist the call of the night any longer. It is time to pull down the curtains and call it a day. This pretty much works in Aubrey's favour, putting an end to their endless teasing. She could only pray that whatever happened tonight would stay only between them.

The light is turned off, leaving only the quiet darkness enveloping the once hectic bedroom. The girls are slowly relaxing themselves to sleep, but then Aubrey suddenly gets up, frantically searching for something. "Shit, did you guys see where did I put my charger?"

Her question is met with heads shaking and shrugging shoulders. "Did you forget to bring it with you?" Charlene asks.

"Could be so…" She admits, gritting her teeth at her clumsiness. Of all the things she could forget, it had to be the one she needs the most. She could just ignore this altogether, but waking up tomorrow morning with a dead phone at hand is already a crisis of its own. And so, she is left with no choice. Aubrey gets up from the bed, putting the blanket aside. "Sorry, but I'm going to rush back home."

"Dude, just go to sleep. It's almost midnight, already." Kim moans beneath her own blanket. Judging from her drunk-like voice, she's already one foot into the realm of dreams. But Aubrey insists. "My house is literally right there. It's not that far." Not waiting for Kim's response, she grabs her sailor jacket and heads towards the door, but not before Charlene asks her to be safe.

…

Now here's a place Aubrey finds familiar. On the desolate roads, darkness stretches as far as the eye can see. The flickering light from the lamp post projects little circles of white light on the sidewalk, guiding her way home. Empty cars sit along the curb, providing shelter for the stray cats should it rain. Traffic lights still function this late at night, warning the non-existent drivers to stop. There is none here to admire not to entertain, but there is a lot to dread and fear.

But Aubrey is no stranger to the dark. One might say she has become intimate with it, like meeting an old, distant friend. Hard not to, when the gloomy, dirty shack she resides in is what she calls home. The unbearable smell of tobacco and alcohol is just the icing on the cake. Even so, she is not entirely oblivious to the dangers that may lurk in the shadows. Thus, she quickens her pace.

Something catches the girl's attention, however. She gazes into the far horizon, and there she sees the tall towers and buildings erected from the ground, decorated by little dots of colourful lights. It seems the city never sleeps, after all. Be it day or night, someone would still be out there with things to do. Aubrey slowly stops, still gazing at the far town as if she's entranced, but not to admire the scenery. Instead, she is left wondering. About someone.

"Is he asleep already?"

Looking at the city like this, Aubrey can't help but feel a bit foolish. On that day, how they all cried like babies when Sunny moved houses, whimpering at the thought of never seeing him again, only to now see his homeplace with the naked eye. He feels so close, and yet so far.

"If he's not coming to you, then you have to go to him!"

Kim's words keep buzzing in her ear like a fly, reminding Aubrey just how exhausting today was. And of course, the humiliation she suffered at their hands. With a mix of anger and disappointment, Aubrey continues her way home, stomping her feet along the way. "This is stupid…" she grumbles.

But as she begins her walk, her cell phone suddenly rings, breaking the stilled air of this sleeping town. Annoyed, she pulls the device out, moaning about this person's 'brilliant' decision to call her this late. But as soon as her eyes lay on the screen, her entire demeanour flips upside down.

"Speak of the devil."

When the sky is pitch black, when not even a single soul is up at the moment, when today slowly sets and tomorrow begins to dawn, a young teen finally receives something she's been waiting-no, begging for the entire day. The thing that's been brewing in her mind, and now, it's finally here. Surely, she must be overjoyed by this? Perhaps, she might do a little skipping on her way home?

But of course, the human heart is a hard thing to understand. Indeed, Aubrey's heart is filled with something, but it's not the addicting ecstasy, but the burning rage that comes from the depths of hell. Did he really think that giving her a call this late at night would solve everything? Certainly not, that's for sure! Aubrey has been sulking about it all day long like a damsel, even suffered the endless teasing from her friends, and a mere one-minute call wouldn't poof it all away! Someone needs to give this man an earful, and this girl has a lot to say.

She brings her phone to her ear. To hell with the dark and scary roads, Aubrey is not in the mood for any horror antics. She might punch a ghost out of rage at this point. She presses the dial button, repeating every single word, every vocabulary she ever learnt in her brain. "Yeah!?" She answers the phone rudely.

"Hello, Aubrey? It's me, Sunny."

"…"

"H-Hey, Sunny. Quite late, isn't it? Hehe…"

And just like that, the audience boos, rolling their eyes in disappointment. But Aubrey isn't the one at fault here. After hearing his soft, lullaby-like voice, how could she resist that? If anything, it's Sunny's fault for all this! Heck, she doesn't remember her rehearsed script! Such a klutz, she is.

"Sorry for calling you so late."

"You'd better be!" Aubrey still tries to appear angry. "Thought you wouldn't call…"

"Were you waiting for me?"

"Ack!" Curses, she almost did it again! Is she really that easy to read?  "W-Well, you could say that…"

"Heh, is that so?" Sunny says so playfully, as the girl feels her face slowly heating up. "Um, I just want to say, er…happy birthday, Aubrey."

Finally, the words she's been waiting for. Even though it is just like everyone else, something about the way he said it feels so special. "Thanks. You remembered, huh?"

"Of course, I do. I still remember the others, too."

"You're always the one with the best memory out of all of us."

Sunny let out a chuckle once more. As they continue their talk, Aubrey's fingers playfully twirl around her long, pink hair. How wonderful it is to see, to hear him just being happy, enjoying what life has to offer. He deserves it. Everyone deserves it.

"So, how does it feel like? You know, being eighteen and all?"

"Hmm, not much. I still feel the same old me." Aubrey wonders about that thought. She isn't unfamiliar with the statement many adults say. That eighteen is the age where your adulthood begins, where a new phase of your life starts. The coming of age, they said. Hearing such grand words, little Aubrey couldn't wait to reach that stage of life. The endless possibilities, the many things one can do. And yet here she is, at the twilight of her teenage years, and it all feels familiar. No sudden revelation, no wisdom. Nothing. "Kind of disappointed, I have to say. I was expecting some extra hands to grow out of my body this morning."

She hears yet another little giggle, tickling her heart as well. Sunny's been acting rather carefree, hasn't he? "Well, I'm going to be eighteen soon, so who knows?"

"Yeah. If you're not careful, you might grow your eye back!"

"…"

"…"

"Heh, good one!"

The two bursts into cackling laughter, before Aubrey finally realises the gravity of her words. "Oh shit, sorry! Fuck, I didn't mean to…"

But Sunny simply brushes it off, still catching his breath. "Hey, it's okay. Don't sweat it."

"But still, that's pretty ignorant of me." It's no secret to Aubrey. Ever since they were kids, talking to Sunny always put her mind at ease, so it's easy to let her guard down and say things without thinking twice. It's something she needs to change from now on.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Sunny tries to change the subject. "Today must've been busy for you, huh? Did the others prepare something?"

She blows air out of her nose, smirking. "Oh, they prepared something, alright. A surprise party at our hideout place. With a big cake, even. Then, we went to the mall and just hit it off." Aubrey can feel herself skipping like an excited child, and since no one's going to belittle her for it, she decides to continue on. "Speaking of, you would not believe what Kel and Mikhael did at the arcade…"

…

And so, Aubrey loses herself in her own story, sharing with Sunny all the things she saw and did today. And every now and then, the boy would give a remark of his own or a small comment, joining in the story. The darkened nights, the quiet, gloomy roads; none of that matters to Aubrey any longer. Sunny may be far, but the girl feels him being so close as if they are both walking together, side-by-side, strolling around the park on this peaceful night where none may interfere. One might even call it a date.

Oh, how magical that must be, just like those fantasy books she used to read. But of course, Sunny is not actually here with her, and that remains her only regret on the day when all her dreams come true. "I wish you could be here. It would be so much fun." She sighs heavily, coming to regret her stubbornness. 

"Oh, I'm sure it won't make a difference…"

"What are you talking about? Of course, it does!" Her voice rises, accidentally scaring off a crow perching on her house's trash bin. She didn't mean to sound angry, but his attitude of singling himself out is really getting on her nerves. Had it not been for that, that entire year of radio silence could've been easily avoided. Sometimes, she wonders how can she drill into that thick skull of his that he is indeed one of their own. Perhaps, Sunny is that type of person that needs to be said right in front of his face.

But that can wait for another time. With her house right beside her, the conversation has to come to an end. For now, at least. "Hey, I'm going to put the call on hold for a moment." Says Aubrey.

"Oh, okay. Why?"

"I'm about to enter my house. Don't want my mom to suddenly wake up."

"Wait, you're outside this entire time? That's dangerous!"

"It's fine. I'm just taking a short walk, that's all." She rolls her eyes. The way he nags resembles too much of Mari's. "Anyway, gotta go. Talk to you soon."

She puts the phone into her pocket, and silently makes her way toward the door. "Home sweet home," she mutters under her breath, acting as if she's very eager to return to this dump hole. The awful smell of alcohol and rotten foods is certainly a welcoming scent.

As she is about to open the door, she notices the mailbox is more cluttered than usual. Usually, she ignores them, since most of them are either stupid flyers or some official letters too complicated for her to understand. But something tells her to go and check it. Maybe a notice of her winning a lottery, or finally an awaited letter from her father. Nevertheless, she follows her instinct and harshly pulls a random white envelope, ripping its sealing in the process.

And her guesses all hit off the mark. Government letters are always so difficult to read as if they purposely try to make them look confusing. But Aubrey knows what this envelope is. She doesn't even need to read it in detail, as the big red letters stamped on it already summarise it for her.

LAST NOTICE

Her stomach drops as she continues to read further down, picking up the words printed in bold typing.

Refusal to pay bank loans…

Property to be legally claimed and seized…

Broken bottles, static sounds of old television, the snoring sounds of a living corpse. No matter how long she lives here, Aubrey simply couldn't adjust herself to call this a place to live, and yet she still keeps coming back here, because where else could she go? The old woman mutters something in her sleep. Aubrey couldn't bear to watch. It's too pathetic it makes her want to break down into tears.

As she enters her room, she lets go of her breath, taking in the somewhat fresh air. It's not clean, but compared to the one downstairs, it's like smelling roses in a garden. Making sure not to wake the sleeping Bun-Bun in her cage, Aubrey tiptoes into her bedroom and plugs her phone into its charger. She then softly lands on her rough bed, grimacing.

The envelope is still held between her fingers. Aubrey stares at it. It stares back.

"…"

  Everything is happening way too soon for her to digest. It isn't like she doesn't see this whole thing coming. In fact, she already imagined the steps she would take should it happen. But to see it actually happening right before her, she clearly isn't mentally prepared for this. Why would she? After all, she is still eighteen! A young teen who hasn't fully tasted the joy of youth, of being free! This whole loan thing should be the parent's responsibility, not her.

And of course, she doesn't have any. What a twisted joke this is.

Looking at the date, the envelope was recently delivered here, which means there is still time before people start come knocking at her door. This house, this room, all of it will be taken away. 

What then? More importantly, what should she do, now? Find more jobs? The ones she's doing at the moment are clearly not enough to cover such an outstanding amount. Run away? But where would she go? Her friends may accept, but she can't simply lean onto their hospitality forever. What should she do? What can she do?

"I hate this…"

Her fingers shake.

"I hate everything…"

The envelope is slowly being crumpled.

And with a hiss, the girl throws the letter down to the ground as hard as she could. She feels a lump of air stuck in her throat, as her vision becomes watery with tears falling down on the floor. Soft sobs fill the dark room, and no one shall ever listen to her woes.

Her eighteenth birthday and this is her final present. Fitting, considering the things she had done. It's the only ending she deserves.

RING RING

"…huh?"

Aubrey reaches for her phone. And it's none other than her savior. Her knight in shining armor that she always dreamed of. When nightfall dawns upon this cruel world, when she wants nothing more than to scream to oblivion, there he stands, waiting for her. They say that escapism is a bad thing, but at this moment, when everything seems to be falling down, Aubrey sees it as her only salvation.

Never in her life did she pick up the phone so hard as she did now.

"Hello, Sunny? Yeah, sorry. I forgot to call you back." She clears her throat, wiping the tears on her cheeks. Much as she wants to tell him of the news, she decides it would be best not to. At least, until the timing is right. Right now, it's her day, and she wants to end it on the best note possible.

"Oh, alright then. Just checking in." He says so in his gentle-like voice that never fails to calm her down. Slowly, she can feel herself breathing again. "Aww, are you worried about me?" She teases him.

"W-Well, yeah…you said you're going to call back, so…"

The girl lets out a giggle hearing that. This boy actually waits for her to call back, instead of going to sleep. Either he has way too much time in his hands, or it could mean…something else. That thought almost makes her heart jump. But it couldn't possibly be, right? "It's bad to stay late at night, you know…" She struggles to say a few words, still feeling the burning sensation in her throat.

"Says the girl who's still awake during this time."

"Hey. My birthday, my rules. And besides, you're the one that calls someone in the middle of the night." She playfully scoffs.  "What, are you trying to be the last one to wish me or something?"

"…" Sunny doesn't say a word, and that in itself is already an answer. Her jaw drops to the ground upon the realisation. "No way. You're actually serious?"

"…"

"…"

"…maybe." A small squeak out from the speaker. Like a switch, it triggers something in Aubrey. She can feel it bubbling inside, threatening to burst out, and though she tries to hold it by keeping her lips tight, it is all for naught. A few seconds later, her mutter of amusement finally blossoms into an enormous belly laugh.

"Oh god, I can't believe you…hehe…you…hahaha…" Her voice alternates between comprehensible words and dying wheezes of laughter, so much so that she has no choice but to cover her mouth with her arm to muffle her laugh. But the more she tries to hold it in, the harder it becomes.  It's all hard to explain. There is practically nothing to laugh about, and yet here she is, giggling like a little girl after hearing a silly, childish joke. She even pinches her cheek to control herself, but nothing seems to work. This whirling of emotions, both sadness, and joy, leaves her overwhelmed.

And so, they both continue to talk. Recalling all the silly things they did, fangirling about the latest television shows or the hottest comic issues, ranting about the regime-like behaviour of their teachers, reminiscing about the old, sweet memories of childhood…

The food they ate today.

The latest deals at the mall.

The new song that Aubrey liked.

The old, retro game that Sunny recently found.

The little things. Basic, mundane day-to-day life. But to Aubrey, it's what makes her life a tad more colourful. Slowly, the letter that caged her mind with fear and uncertainty fizzles away, leaving only the warm feeling of a summer night. Time has turned into a metaphor, a concept she barely understands. It could've struck midnight already. It might even be three in the morning. Heck, the sun might rise soon. But she couldn't care less about those things. Time itself might freeze for all she cares. As long as she could have this moment, with none other than the boy she fell for.

That's right. The boy she fell for. No use in denying it any longer. The boy that came back into her life, reminded her that even someone like her could even feel something as sweet as love. That fire that ignited in her heart a long time ago, is now burning with passion. And yes, she is no saint, not even a kind soul to enjoy something as sappy as this, but she truly likes Sunny. Sweet, adorable Sunny. Brave, beautiful Sunny.

…

"Hey, Aubrey. Is there anything you want to do in the future?"

"Hmm…" His question lingers in her mind. Aubrey is now laying on her bed, with her phone right beside her pillow. The drowsiness is slowly creeping up on her, one could say she is already in a half-dozed state. With a stifled yawn, she straight up says the first thing that crosses her mind, without giving it much thought. "Buy a house, maybe?"

"Oh?"

Her eyelids are becoming heavier. "Yeah. I just think how easy it is to own a house of your own. I might need to rent an apartment first, but definitely will buy one after." 

Aubrey can't even hear herself talk. Such a shame, it is. If only she could stay awake just a little more. To hear his voice softly blowing into her ears, whispering words of love, reassuring her that everything is going to be fine.

"How does that sound?"

An image slowly forms in her mind: a moderate-size house, not far away from the city. A living room, free of empty bottles and plastic bags. A kitchen, where she can store actual food and not cheap, canned ones. Roofs without patches or holes. Walls made of actual concrete. A small space for her rabbit. A bedroom-an actual bedroom, just for her. During the quiet nights, she would stare at the bright moon, admiring its beauty and elegance, gazing at the far stars…

With Sunny by her side.

Sharing the same bed…under the same blanket…A house, a space just for him and her.

The girl flips to her right, facing the phone laying in front of her.

"Yeah, it sounds nice." The way his voice reverberates in her ears, it's so close, so intimate. It's as if he is physically here, right now. Lying beside her.

Her fingers lightly pull the sheets of her bed. Oh, how she yearns for Sunny's loving embrace. To have his arms wrap around her body. To play with his beautiful, black hair. To hear the rhythm of his heartbeat as she rests her head on his chest. To study his adorable face as he fast asleep. To gently kiss his eye and whisper how much she loves him.

Aubrey is slowly falling into the realm of dreams, but she keeps holding on, refusing to let go. Even Sunny notices the lack of energy in her voice. "You're getting sleepy, are you?

"…no…mmgh…" Her eyelids slowly closing shut, unable to keep them open any longer. Still, she does everything she can for just another second.

"Sun…ny…"

"Mm?"

"I…had fun…tonight…"

"Yeah. Me too."

"…"

"…"

"…Aubrey?"

"Heh, looks like she's already asleep." It is subtle, but I can hear the small sounds of her snoring through the phone. It's rather cute, actually. Almost as if she's right here, sleeping right next to me. Now that would be a dream come true. In any case, this call has gone on long enough. But not before I say something to her. A small wish, one might say. With a low, trembling voice, I whisper:

"Good night, Aubrey. I…"

"..."

"...I love you."

With a click of a button, the call finally ends, and I rest my head on a pillow, rubbing my tired eyes. What I did just now might return and stab me in the back, but it would probably fall on deaf ears, so it doesn't matter.

I'm not yet ready to say it to her, but I swear I will. When I've fixed all my flaws and finally become the person I've wanted to be, confessing to her would be the first thing I do. This, I promise.

Just before I let myself get carried away by dreams, a thought crosses my mind. We've been talking for quite some time, haven't we? Out of curiosity, I reach for my phone…

Two hours and forty-seven minutes…

Prepaid balance…zero dollars, zero cents.

"…great."

Bonus:

She couldn't sleep. No matter how hard she tries, she can't find herself wandering in the field of dreams. She slowly opens her eyes, reaching for her phone right beside her. The screen lights up, displaying the current time. 2:30 AM. 

And yet, she's still not here.

"Kim..." Charlene calls out for her friend. "Aubrey's hasn't returned yet. I'm kind of worried for her."

"..."

Fear begins to take control of her emotions, as her brain starts to conjure some bizarre situations as to why her friend is still not here. "Is it because of me? Because I read the poem?"

"..."

"...I'm sorry, Kim. But I just got a bit curious. I just wanted to know what happened if I read it out loud...but I only did it once, though!"

"..."

"I mean, the curse is not actually real, right? It's just some stupid joke, right Kim?"

"..."

"H-Hey, why aren't you answering? C'mon, I know you're not asleep..."

"..."

Panic rises in her, making the girl sweat like bullets. She gets up, slowly approaching her friend's bed, wanting to wake her up.   

"T-This is not funny! Kim!"

Charlene shakes her body. Once. Twice. No response.

"Hey!"

She takes off the blanket hugging the body, and...

"K-Kim!?"

Chapter Text

Grey colour is painted across the walls of this spacious room. The curtains are partially left open to let some sunlight shine through, leaving the scenery of the city to be admired. I am sitting on a big sofa, feeling its soft fabrics hugging my figure, along with the cool air emitting from the air-conditioner and the sweet scent of lavender.

"From what you told me, it seems you're making good progress. Great job, Sunny. I couldn't be prouder."

"Thank you." I lightly nod. Sitting right across me is a middle-aged woman with long, brown hair neatly tied into a brunch, wearing a loose, comfy-looking white t-shirt with black jeans. A look not so professional to intimidate patients, and not so carefree to be looked down upon. A friendly image, fitting for a therapist.

She takes note of something in her book filled with sticky notes, scrambling lines and symbols incomprehensible to the human mind. "Okay, that should be everything for today's session. Keep it up, Sunny. If there's anything you want to talk about, feel free to give me a call. I'll try my best to make some space available for you." The woman says so with a friendly smile, trying to ease up the nerves. I guess that's the bare minimum should one decides to take this as a profession. A patient's comfort is always number one. "Oh, one more thing. About your medicine..."

"I no longer take it daily. Just like you told me."

"Good, and we shall continue to keep an eye on your condition. Remember to only take it when you really have to."

I silently nod. Even if her tone emits otherwise, I can't help but be alarmed by her words, as if it's a sign of things to come.

Sounds of cars bustling through fill my ears as I step outside the building, wincing my eye thanks to the bright sunlight. Loud, blaring sounds tear through the stratosphere, akin to a horn signaling the end of the world, only for it to be a plane flying across the blue-painted sky. I look up in awe, observing the man-made bird fly away, soaring through the clouds.

"Ah, it's so hot…" No time to admire the scenery. Heading towards the bus stop is my absolute priority, lest I want the sun to gift me a bad case of sunburn, which from experience, is not a pleasant thing to have. As I fasten my pace, I notice a yellow motorcycle parked right in front, with a man sitting on top of it, presumably taking a smoking break.

I was planning to pay that man no mind, but his familiar face strikes me down like thunder. My first instinct commands me to make a run from it and avoid eye contact, but it is all too late. The predator has caught its prey's scent. "You…"

I raise my head, replying to him in a monotone voice. "Mike…"

Life is always full of surprises, aren't they? Living in this big city, filled with various people, I could've bumped into one of my friends, my strict history teacher, or even that tall-looking foreigner that lives right next door to me; literally, anyone would be fine. But no, life has decided to pull a small joke—a twisted one, I add—and put me with the last person I ever wanted to see. What did I ever do to deserve such punishment?

"…"

The two of us haven't said anything, just standing like a statue, staring at each other like idiots. He is probably as baffled as I am. But then, Mike breaks the silence between us, putting his cig down. "Fancy seeing you here. Heading somewhere?"

"Yeah…"

"Where?"

"Home." I cautiously answer, unsure of what to expect from him at the moment. We're currently not at school, so there's absolutely nothing that he could dig from me. And the last time we met was during my part-time job, and I saved him from getting chewed by my manager. There should be nothing wrong, but past encounters said otherwise.

Not wanting to give him a hostile impression, I start a small talk of my own. "How about you? Heading somewhere?"

"Nah, just fucking around," Mike brings back the cig into his mouth. "Better than being at home…"

I don't say anything afterward. Even he too finds it troubling at home, huh? Makes me envy Rowan's simple, yet happy life even more.

There's nothing left for me to do here, and Mike is not someone who I'm eager to hold a conversation with. I excuse myself, resuming my walk once more, but then…

"Wait. You heading home, yeah?"

"What of it?" I turn to face him. To my surprise, Mike throws away his cig before revving his motorcycle; his engine gives out an intimidating roar. He then gestures his hand toward me, saying: "It's hot out here. Hop in, I'll lend you a ride."

"…"

"…huh?"

What I'm doing is probably a bad move, but money is still money, and a free ride back home is an absolute bargain. I tried to refuse his offer at first, saying how I can ride the bus and no need to trouble him, but Mike sure can be a stubborn fellow. And that's how I find myself right behind him, as I feel the summer wind ravages my poor face, with my hands held on the rear seat, gripping it to dear life. This guy blitzes through the cars left and right, like a roach crawling away from angry humans.

Speaking of, I am currently not wearing a helmet, and the police would not like that. I ask Mike for one, and with a laid-back tone, he says:

"Sorry, but I have only one helmet with me. So, you just have to endure the wind."

Good grief.

…

After a free thriller-like ride, Mike finally comes to a stop thanks to the traffic light. And right behind him is a poor young boy, feeling as if he just participated in a fear factor competition. Seriously, just how reckless this man can be? Does he know that there are lives at stake here, particularly mine? The number of times I felt my skin softly grazing other cars as this idiot rode his bike like those macho men in action movies. Nevertheless, this experience has already knocked five years off my life. Time to think of a will…

Even Aubrey didn't ride her bike like this. Ah, just thinking about her makes me reminisce about that time we both delivered pizzas together. The fresh, sweet air of Faraway. Her soft, beautiful pink hair tickling my face, feeling her scent etched right into my brain.

"Yo, can you hear me from behind there?" I let out a disgruntled sigh as Mike's voice pulled me from La La Land. Can't he see I'm busy doing something else, here? "Loud and clear," I dryly reply back.

"Good. Thought you would've already passed out," He then belly-laughs, before suddenly coughing like an old man with asthma thanks to the smoke coming out from a truck in front. "Geh, fucking trucks."

I can't help but smile a little.

…

The traffic light is sure taking its time, and once again I feel the sun's overbearing heat burning up my skin to a crisp. And it certainly doesn't help that my black t-shirt is not making the heat any more bearable.

Even so, my mind is still focusing on the boy in front of me. Never in my life would I see myself riding on a bike with one of the school's bullies, under his request too! Had it been any other person, this would be a sign of friendship, but the same cannot be said for Mike. Instead, I am left wondering, confused about his actions, and most importantly, paranoid about what comes next. Is he really doing this out of his own good will, or is there more than meets the eye?

"…"

He still remains quiet, loudly tapping his fingers on the meter display. Mike may not look like it, but surely, he's aware of how bizarre this situation is. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to ask him a few questions; a small session of ice-breaking, one might say.

"Why are you doing this?"

I probably should've worded that a bit better. It sounds too straightforward for my liking, but Mike looks unfazed by it. Not even bothering to face me, he dully answers: "Nothing really, just want to kill some time. Being anywhere but home is better, anyway."

"Sorry to hear that."

"…"

We both remain silent again. I couldn't help but feel a bit of sympathy for him. Doesn't change the way I view him, but it does soften up. Maybe that explains the way he is now.

"Besides…"

He suddenly speaks up. "I'm returning a favor. Back then, at the restaurant."

"…"

"Oh. Well, I—"

I wish I could say more than just an involuntary gasp of surprise. As I am about to do so, the light finally changes to green, drowning the quiet stillness of the air. Mike pulses his bike, readying to move once more as if telling me to leave the conversation as it is.

It is a journey filled with twists and turns—literally, I add—but I finally arrive at my apartment safe and sound. The grey building humbly stood amongst the other taller ones, looking as if to reach the boundless skies. From the corner of my eye, I notice a few children happily playing at the playground, laughing without a care in the world. Brings back memories.

Without wasting any time, I get up from the bike, giving my skinny legs light stretches. I turn to Mike, who is going for yet another smoke. A rather carefree person, though I am in no place to complain. History aside, he did offer his help today, and it is only right I thank him for it. "Thank you."

"It's nothing." He nonchalantly replies before glossing over the building. "Nice place you live here."

"It's alright, I guess."

"Mm, can't complain much." Mike then continues with his smoke. I don't see any point lingering here any longer, so I begin to take my leave. "I'll be going, then." I slightly raise my hand before walking away.

"Wait. I want to ask you something."

But it seems Mike has more to say. "You know Rudy? The one with blue hair?"

Hearing that name catches my attention. I stop, turning to face him once more. "I do."

"You're friends with him, yeah?"

I answer his question with a nod. An odd situation to be talking about Rudy, I have to admit. Mike then suddenly smirks. "That bastard. He actually made some friends. This long, too."

My eye is locked on him, without saying a word. It feels like we're no longer in front of my house but in the quiet hallways of our school. Just him and I and that usually spells bad news. My brain keeps telling me to not be worried, and yet I couldn't help but be wary of him.

He speaks again. "Did he, uh, ever tell you anything about me?"

"…"

"I suppose that means a yes. Though, it doesn't even matter." He brings the cigar to his smoke for the fourth time, as I stand there frozen, simply observing his movements. "In any case, you must be aware of how much a piece of shit he is."

"…"

"You aren't answering."

I force my tongue to move. "What are you trying to get at, here?"

"I'm just wondering…" Mike throws the cigar onto the ground, before he leans forward, resting both his arms on the bike, looking straight at me. "…why are you friends with someone like him? Even if you don't know of the things he did, just looking at his appearance alone should tell you enough. You don't seem like someone who likes to be in trouble and yet still, you remain friends with him."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm just asking, that's all. Wouldn't you be wary and stay away from him?"

I didn't expect Mike to be so nosy about my circle of friends. Much as I want to tell him to buzz off and mind his own business, a part of me can't help but wonder about what he said. Mike does raise a sensible point. They say that friends reflect who you are as a person, your personality, and such. And Rudy is a bad example: a delinquent with an attitude and his dyed hair is already a dead giveaway.

But I know better. I may have only one eye, but it never deceives me. This past year of being together with him is a testament to that. The Rudy I know is nice, quite considerate, and fun to be around. Never once did I feel myself slowly becoming someone I wasn't, and that's proof of who he is as a person. Sure, his hands may not be clean, but then again, so am I.

"Rudy's a good person. I don't see anything wrong with him."

And I just can't stay quiet and let him badmouth one of my friends.

"Huh? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Mike appears baffled by my answer. "Didn't you hear of the things he did?"

What is up with this guy being pressed, all of a sudden? I'm not entirely oblivious to Mike's whole history with Rudy, so I understand where his resentment coming from. But that's between them both, no need to bring me into this. "Even so, he's changed now. Why should I stay away from him?"

Mike still maintains his glare toward me. "Is that what you really think? Do you really believe he's a different person, now?"

"…"

"How long was he acting like that before he slowed down? Months? A full year? It has already become a part of him. No matter how good he pretends, a devil will always be a devil. And that pisses me off…"

"What are you trying to say?" My voice shakes from the adrenaline. No matter how tempting it is, I must remain calm and not let my anger get the best of me.

Mike, on the other hand, remains totally composed, as if he is in control of the situation. "People don't really change, you know. They will put up a smile, and act all sweet with you, but that doesn't change a damn thing. Sure, he may be good with you, but who knows how long will that last? All he needs is a simple misunderstanding, a bad joke, a small incident, and just like that…" He snaps his fingers, reassuring his point. "…he'll return to who he was."

I couldn't say a word. I want to tell him how wrong he is, and how hard Rudy is trying to change himself. The fact that my friendship with him still lasts till now is proof that he's no longer the delinquent everyone sees him as. But still, my tongue wouldn't move.

A memory flashes in my mind. When I was pinned by Mike's friends in the bathroom, Rudy was there, saving me from getting humiliated. He was there for me, but the way he looked…

How intense his glares were…

How his fists were ready to hurt someone as if it was his second nature…

"Lay one finger on him…and I will repay it back ten-fold."

At that time, for the first time ever, I was scared of him.

"But hey, that's just me. What do I know about what's good and bad, right?" And with that, Mike pulses his bike, letting the engine roar. It's a relief this conversation is coming to an end, who knows what would happen had it dragged on? But right before Mike rides away, he looks at me one last time, saying:

"One more thing. Next time, be mindful of who you choose to befriend."

He then leaves only a trail of smoke as I stand there, staring at the figure slowly getting smaller and smaller.

"People don't really change…"

His words linger in my brain, leaving me to ponder it for days to come, but for him to suddenly say that to me after all this, I can't wrap my head around it. Is he waiting for an opportunity to say those to me, or could it be…jealousy?

"I really can't read that guy."

Still, there's a glimmer in my heart that after sharing a ride together, we can put our spite aside and start something new. To turn over a new leaf. But I suppose that chance slipped away the moment we had this talk. You simply can't be friends with some people, no matter how hard you try.

As I wait in front of the elevator, the phone in my pocket suddenly vibrates. Someone's calling me, during weekends even? This day is just full of surprises, isn't it? I pull the phone out, and it's none other than…

"Aubrey…"

Ah, just seeing her name is enough to send butterflies to my stomach. It's only yesterday that we had a long, yet lovingly calling session, and it's something I will never forget till I die. Come to think of it, I was acting rather bold, wasn't I? Laughing a bit more, making more jokes, even telling her that I love—

"…uh oh."

The phone almost slips out of my fingers upon the realisation. She couldn't possibly hear it, could she? I swear I heard her little snoring noises back then, which gave me the push I needed. But if she did hear it, the fact that she is calling me now could only mean one thing.

"…"

In any case, I better pick up the call. "H-Hello?"

"Hey there, city boy. How's it going?" Aubrey's sweet voice comes out from the speaker, and I can feel myself grinning ear to ear. Judging from her cherry tone, she must have a wide smile on her face right now. So cute.

"...it's better with you now…"

"You said something?"

"Uh, it's all fine, here. Yeah. How about you?" Phew, that was close. Somehow, I was able to dodge a bullet. Need to be more careful, next time.

"Same as always. Not much to do in this boring town, anyway…"

The elevator is going to come down, soon. Better address the elephant in the room. Swallowing a gulp, I ask her: "Is there…something you want to talk about?" I feel a cold sweat rolling down my cheek, and I don't think it's because of the hot weather.

"Oh, yeah. That's why I'm calling you. You, uh, free tomorrow?"

"…yes."

It is silent for a few seconds before she speaks again. "Sweet. I'm coming to the city tomorrow. Wanna meet up?

"…"

"…what?"

Chapter Text

"Sweet, I'm coming to the city tomorrow. Wanna meet up?"

"No, it's just me coming here…why should I be worried? I'll have you show me around!"

"I'm coming by bus, so I'll give you a call when I'm almost there…alright, see you!"

…

It's been a day since that, but I still can't get her voice out of my head. That childlike excitement she had when talking about her coming here is etched into my brain, to the point where it even followed me into my dreams. Although, having dreams about Aubrey has been common as of late. Could this be what they call 'lovesick'? No, maybe 'brain rot' is the proper word.

The white clouds float throughout these pillar-less ceilings as I sit idly under the bus stop all alone, blankly staring at the leaves, at times taking a quick glance at any passing cars that steal my attention. It may be the weekend but the road is as busy as ever, just as what you expect from a place like this. Everyone has places to go these days, instead of lazing around at home, watching soap dramas with a bowl of chips at hand.

"…"

I wonder how long has it been since I last sat here. I pull out my old phone, and the number 10:30 is shown on the small screen. Roughly half an hour after the estimated time, and still no sight of Aubrey's bus. Has it really been that long? Sure, traffic jams are a common thing here, but it's not like Faraway is at the end of the world. And now, I have to sit here, doing some bird-watching like some old, retired uncle taking a break after doing some power walk. If only my old SNES is with me right now…

Well, no point in complaining. Giving out a slight grunt, my fingers snake into my pocket once more, pulling out a small purple wrapper. A chewing gum, to be exact. Not my favourite, but more than enough to keep me busy.

"…"

"…"

"…"

It's quiet. Way too quiet, except for the ambient sounds of the passing winds. Before I realise it, my feet begin to tap on the floor, producing sounds with an irregular rhythm.

The chewing sounds of my teeth get louder.

The tapping of my feet gets faster.

Even my skin begins to itch, much to my annoyance. Coupled with the scorching weather, I might as well just run around half-naked and cannonball myself into the nearest pond.

No, that's not it. It's not the weather, the boredom, or the eerie silence of this bustling city.

It's anxiety. I'm sure of it.

Why wouldn't I be? One of my childhood friends-no, scratch it-the girl who I have had a massive crush on since we were kids, even before I knew I liked girls. The girl who I shared so many memories with, is now on her way here, all by herself. No Kel, no Basil, not even her other friends; it's only her! Today is going to be just the two of us, that's a textbook example of a date! A romantic walk in the city with a beautiful girl by your side, both nervously laughing when accidentally making avoid eye contact, the ecstasy when our hands lightly brush against each other; it is everything I have ever wanted!

But this is all too soon for me to suck it in! If she's coming in, say, two days from now, then I would have plenty of time to prepare. The popular places for people to go, the restaurants, the latest movie showtimes; I could write it all down. But now, there's no time to do some research. It's like I'm heading towards a battlefield without a single piece of armour equipped.

And of course, there's this 'love' thing I have to address. Right after Aubrey called me, I was frozen like a stunned mullet, fireworks everywhere in my brain. Feeling desperate, I had no choice but to reach out to Basil, wanting his advice for things like these. And then, he had the gall to say:

"This is your perfect opportunity to confess! She is literally coming to you, so you have to grab this once-in-a-lifetime moment!"

Idiot. I asked him how to handle this situation, not when to confess! Granted, he did have a point and I am eventually going to tell her how I feel, but right now? At this moment? It is impossible, like asking a fish to climb trees. Even if I do confess, the mood has to be fitting, right? For that to happen, she needs to be enjoying herself, and that is where the main problem lies.

Ah, this is so frustrating! There is only one of her, and one of me. What am I supposed to do? What if things go wrong midway through? What if she gets bored, and is in no mood to talk? Where am I supposed to bring her? How can I keep her happy the whole day? Damn it! Curse me and my introverted self.

"…okay…calm down…this is not like me…"

After taking a deep breath, I slowly exhale all these thoughts away from my system. In any case, there is no need to pull my hair out over something as trivial as this. At the end of the day, Aubrey is not my principal, nor is she the mayor of the city. She is simply my friend. Look at this as another normal outing we usually have, and everything shall follow suit.

Right after I finally found my footing, a low, grumbling noise can be heard fizzling into the static air, slowly growing in volume. And sure enough, from my left, a blue bus is slowly coming into my field of view. "Perfect timing," I slowly mutter, waiting in anticipation. A few moments after, the vehicle finally stops, followed by a small crowd of people getting off, all wearing neutral expressions, each telling a story of their own. But those are the least of my concerns, as my good eye scans around, trying to notice a stroke of pink colour. Even though I've calmed my nerves down, it is still not enough to stop my heart from jumping up and down. We've seen each other multiple times, yet every time we did, it felt like the first. I wonder if she, too, feels the same.

"Ah, Sunny!"

From the moment her teal bow peaks out from the crowd, everything pauses. The people, the wind, and the birds are all frozen in their places as if the world is forcing me to not be distracted and to only focus on her presence. A cute, pink, short-sleeved shirt with a drawing of a bunny on her chest. Short, blue jeans, fitting for the occasion. And her smile, her oh-so-sweet smile, steals my gasps away, leaving me with no words to spare.

She is beautiful, that is the only thing I could think of. If only I dare to say it out loud.

"Took you long enough. What happened?"

"The bus driver suddenly had a stomach ache mid-way. And it was so freaking long! Whatever he ate last night must have been an absolute nightmare." Aubrey lightly scoffs as she took a sit right beside me, readjusting her bow. The bus she rode a moment ago didn't go towards the main city, so we have to take another one. More waiting, but I guess it's slightly better now, with the two of us.

"I see." I lightly nod, wearing a small smile. It may be just me, but the way she complains sometimes with that small pout of hers is so adorable. Though I have to hold down a chuckle, or else my cover might get blown.

"Hey, what's with that smile? You're enjoying this, aren't you?" says Aubrey, playfully poking my arm.

"I'm just happy to see you're here, that's all."

"Oh." She looks…slightly taken aback at first, before crossing her arms, and turning her face away. "Well…I'm happy to be here, too."

…

I expect the bus to be packed with people, leaving no free seat available, but it seems we have a good stroke of luck for now, as Aubrey and I take the ones near the back, her seat right beside the window. We share some small talk on the way: her little stories from Faraway, my small complaints during my part-time jobs. Sometimes I notice her look in awe at the buildings with their unique and stylistic designs, and I briefly introduce to her what it is. As best as I could, of course. I don't claim myself as someone who knows the city at the back of my hand.

"That is the biggest field in the city, and aside from the general public use, they also held international concerts there."

Aubrey curiously looks at me. "Have you been to a concert before?"

"No, not exactly my kind of place to be." I then turn to my left, pointing to yet another tall tower. "Ah, and that building is brand new, the mayor officially announced it two weeks ago. I heard it's for a major tech company."

The girl simply nods her head, gazing through the window. "You sure knew a lot huh? I'm impressed."

Hearing her compliments, I involuntarily let out a small, awkward laugh. Yeah, I know so much about this city, and I certainly did not do any last-minute research. In any case, everything has been going exactly as I hoped for…

…until of course, it all starts to slow down.

Slowly, each of us begins to run out of things to say and now, both of us are sitting in silence, waiting for our next station. Aubrey is leaning back, resting her head on the bus seat whilst gazing at the windows, her face wearing a nonchalant expression. On any other occasion, her looking so comfy and relaxed is a scenery worth dying for but now, it leaves me nothing but unease. It is common knowledge that I am not someone who can go for hours and hours running my mouth, spouting new things to talk about with a snap of a finger. How strange, during our texting sessions or the occasional calling sessions, there is always something to say. A topic, a rant, or even a simple joke, they flow in like a geyser, and my mouth would not stop moving.

But now, seeing her face-to-face like this, I find myself struggling to come up with anything. This could be a sign to take things easy, and I very much agree. Talking can be a tiresome activity, and I rather participate only when necessary. But how about Aubrey? Does she feel the same? Does she, too, enjoy this silence as much as I do?

From the corner of my eye, a couple is sitting two rows in front of us, sharing what looks like a lively conversation, at times laughing, teasing, their chemistry bouncing off each other like a ping pong ball. When they do get quiet, it doesn't last long till one of them brings up something new. It is as if they are both living in their own little world, not giving a care about anyone else. How can they not get tired, I would never understand.

I take a small peek at Aubrey's face. It still wears that blank expression, and while it is attractive on its own, a face can sell a thousand emotions. Is she contemplating something? Is she bored? Is she regretting coming here all alone? At times like this, we could really use a Kel to break the ice, lightening the mood. His carefree attitude never fails to lift up our spirits, especially Aubrey's.

"…"

The couple in front of us reminds me a lot of those two. The way they bicker, arguing over silly things, teasing each other. It is like what Hero once said: a sign of chemistry, a sign they both find each other comfortable to hang around. A candid relationship. I bet if Kel is here right now, they both would be arguing about which food tastes better, or something as mundane as that.

At the very least, she would not be bored.

"…"

"Hey, I was wondering. Why didn't you bring Kel along with you, today?"

"What about him?" Aubrey finally turns her head to face me.

"He must be excited to come here and all…"

"Hmph," She blows air out of her nose, looking unamused. "Yeah, but I don't want to deal with him getting all excited like a kid."

"Yeah. But at least, it will be more fun…"

Right before I realise the words I just uttered, Aubrey tenses for a moment, giving out a rough scoff. "Huh? Are you trying to say I'm boring?"

"No, no. It's not like that. Just…"

Damn it, I just had to let that slip out, didn't I? Am I really that desperate for a conversation that just about anything would do?

"Hey, is there something wrong? Want to talk about it?" Aubrey suddenly voices her concern, and I couldn't be even more ashamed. Today is supposed to be a joyous day when we forget all our problems and have fun. And yet, I somehow got her tied up in this little mess I created.

I hang my head down. "I want you to have fun coming here, that's all. You know I'm not that great when it comes to small talk, so I was afraid you find this…boring, or something."

"..."

"..."

"Ah, so that's what's going on right now. I notice you've been a bit talkative today, not that I mind it."

My head raises on its own, baffled by her response. 

"Well, you do have a point. It's certainly fun to be in a lively atmosphere, but it's also nice to have some silence, every now and then. A moment where you can just slow down and relax, without the need to keep up with others. Like now, for example."

Aubrey lands her hand on my shoulder. She looks at me softly, tenderly, her eyes contain no ill or malice like I initially feared. And with a smile, she says: "Never once did I find you boring, Sunny. Even if we just lay on the grass and not do anything except stare at the sky, I don't mind it at all. Just you being here is enough for me. So, don't worry about it, okay?"

"…"

I simply stare at her, mesmerised. It is quite laughable how easy I am to be moved by mere, simple words. But maybe it is because of how genuine and sincere it feels. How could I have forgotten? We have been friends for so long, she is already used to all this. If she really finds me boring, she would never entertain the thought of coming to the city to see me, let alone by herself.

As always, her words never fail to put my mind at ease. "Thank you, Aubrey. I appreciate it." My voice comes out a bit raspy to my liking, but she doesn't seem to mind it. Aubrey beams at me, smiling gleefully. "No problem. Take it easy from now on, okay? Don't want my tour guide to suddenly collapse on the ground."

"I'll keep that in mind." Both of us share a laugh shortly after. The fact that she still has it in her to joke around tells me the day is not yet ruined.

"By the way, I've been meaning to say this…" Aubrey lifts her finger, placing it on her right cheekbone. "…you no longer wear an eyepatch?"

"Oh yeah, that." Instinctively, my hand mimics her movements as well, lightly rubbing the scar. "I'm not wearing it today, want to try something new. I still bring it with me, just in case it gets uncomfortable or something."

"Does it still hurt?"

I shake my head. "No, not anymore. Except for the usual itchiness, but I'll live."

The girl taps my shoulder once again, probably a sign of comfort. I smile back, thanking her concern. Can't believe the day when I finally walk outside without the need to cover this scar would come, but here I am. As to how I got here, that is a very long story, best saved for another time.

"Oh, wow. Look at that crowd. Is there an event going on?"

"Could be so. But this is fairly normal during weekends."

Now here's a familiar scenery: music blaring from the huge speakers, people strolling around, checking for any latest sales, groups of teenagers discussing where to go next, children crying for no reason, security guards patrolling around, making sure everything is in control; just what I expected from the biggest mall in the city. Compared to this, Othermart is like a retirement home.

Well, I say familiar, but that description only fits me. Aubrey, on the other hand, is looking awestruck by the sheer amount of people walking around, not even showing a glimpse of fear. They do say that some may panic when being in a huge crowd, but thankfully, I don't have to worry about that. Looks like this place fits her to a tee.

"Have you been here, before?" I ask Aubrey, who is still looking like an excited child drooling over their favourite toy.

"Nope, this is my first time," She replies. "I usually went to the other malls, and they're usually packed, mind you. But this..." Her voice trails off as she continues to admire the scenery.

More the reason to do some exploring, then. "So, is there anywhere you want to go?" I personally wouldn't mind just hanging out in a fast-food joint for hours, but I doubt she would come all the way here just to stuff her face with burgers. And besides, with me being somewhat familiar with this mall, I can act as her escort! Chances like these to impress her don't come often, so they should not be wasted.

"Honestly, I don't know. There are so many options to choose from." She eagerly replies while clasping her both hands, little stars twinkling around her face. I wouldn't be surprised if she starts jumping up and down like an excited little girl. Not sure if I can handle the cuteness, though.

"Well, we can walk around first. See which one is interesting." I suggest.

"Sounds like a plan. Let's go." Not wanting to waste any more time, Aubrey immediately heads straight into the crowd, while I follow from behind. She really is that eager to explore, huh? That innocent expression on her face says it all.

…wait, why am I walking behind her? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

…

Walking amongst this sea of people, it would be a lie if I am not feeling somewhat overwhelmed. Old habits die hard, after all. A mall is not a great place to bring an introvert, much less a once shut-in. It emits an intimidating aura, threatening to swallow people like me, much like a final boss. Old me would have been crumbled by its sight alone, but as time went on, so do my initial fear of it. Going to school, talking with people, and occasionally hanging out together. Slowly, I grew numb to it that now, seeing this crowd does not scare me that much.

Aubrey is still in front, taking the lead as she analyses each and every store that is known to man, like a student tirelessly checking his notes the night before an exam. A minute, her head turns left, and another minute, she turns left. At times she quickens her pace, or randomly slows down, pretty much moving by her own rhythm, while I quietly follow from behind. A curious creature, this one.

And yet, no matter how real this all feels, my mind still refuses to wholly accept that I am actually doing this. Walking around the mall with Aubrey, just the two of us, it feels so much like a date. Words could not describe how wonderful it would be if we are dating for real. At least, that is how I feel. Does she too feel the same? Is her heart fluttering right now, hanging out with someone like me? Or is this simply another friendly gathering she already had countless times with other people?

As we let our legs guide us, my good eye catches on to something, or someone to be precise. Right walking beside us is a boy and a girl, chatting amongst each other, hands intertwined, lightly swaying as they walk. The boy whispers something, earning little bursts of giggles from the girl, as she playfully pokes his sides, teasing him.

Great, another couple. As if this city is not filled with them already. And what is up with this sudden emergence of couples, anyway? There was one at the bus, and now here in the mall, all right before me. Is life itself making a mockery of me, or is it sending a message I am too dumb to realise?

Or maybe, it is a challenge?

I steal a glance at Aubrey for the tenth time today, eyeing her from top to bottom. Our choices in clothes today are quite similar: I put on a simple white shirt along with brown khakis, while she wears her pink shirt with short blue jeans. It is not flashy or eye-candy like most trendy clothing today that girls seem to favour, and yet it somehow ticks all the right boxes. Just how attractive can a woman be? But alas, that is not what I am focusing on right now.

Both her hands…are free. She is not holding her phone or tucking it inside her pocket. It is right there in the open, swaying freely.

"…"

If I touch it…

If I hold her hand, would she be fine with it? Gently, of course. Like handling a fragile vase, or petting a sleeping cat.

It should be fine, right? Some people do it to their partners, suddenly taking the initiative, and from what I read, girls really like boys who make the first move. Although, given context, those people only do it with their significant others and right now, I can't exactly call Aubrey my…girlfriend.

Aubrey…girlfriend…just thinking about it is enough to send me over the moon.

"…"

My body inches closer to her, to the point where I can barely feel her warmth. Aubrey is now at my left, walking side-by-side. She still has not realised it yet, much to my advantage.

I glance at her hand, as my own slowly reaches out to hers. My heart feels like it is going to leap straight out of my mouth.

This is fine, right? If I do this, then maybe she would take the hint, which means I do not have to confess to her the old-fashioned way. If it does go wrong, I can just act like I am about to trip, or something.

Or maybe I shouldn't. We are not actually a couple, and she might take it the wrong way. The last thing I want is to have Aubrey calling me a creep.

But if I don't, then when will I? Chances like this might not come again, and I don't think I could handle another couple acting all sweet in front of me again.

"…screw it."

Holding my breath, I slowly move my left hand, a few inches away from hooking my index finger with hers. Just a little bit more now and I can finally—

"Sunny, look. Over there!"

As quick as a cheetah, but as quiet as a snake. The moment she turns around, my hand is already back in my pocket, safe and sound. "W-What ish it?"

I bit my tongue.

Aubrey points her finger toward a store on our left. "Isn't that Hobbeez? I didn't know there is one here in the city. You know about this?"

"No, this is the first time I ever heard about it," I answer dumbfoundedly.

"I wonder if it is still the same as the one from Faraway. Only one way to find out."

And so, Aubrey innocently marches into the game store, leaving me all alone with my thoughts, as I go through the five stages of grief in five seconds. All of those mental gymnastics only to be left with the taste of metal in my mouth. The Suzuki Luck strikes again.

It may look small and compact from the outside, but never judge a book by its cover. The moment I put my foot inside the shop, everything changes. It does not feel like I am still at the mall, but back in Faraway. Aside from the obvious changes like the wallpapers and a shelf filled with newly-arrived games, this store is the spitting image of the one back in town. The comic shelves, the capsule machines, even a long table to play some cards. Just seeing all this almost makes me shed a tear. Oh, how I miss those days…

"How did I not know about this?" I ask in astonishment. This place would have been my go-to place to buy some games had I known about this place prior, though it is wholly my fault for not exploring this mall enough.

"I guess you should thank me for bringing you here then, huh?" Aubrey nudges my shoulder, smirking. "Oh, would you look at that? The limited edition of The Masked Chainsaw! I thought they didn't sell this anymore."

She picks up a comic book, with its cover featuring a large hockey mask-wearing man wielding two chainsaws covered in blood, striking a menacing pose as he stands on top of a mountain of corpses—a pretty cool image.

"Limited edition? What do you mean?" I ask Aubrey.

"It had a short run a few years back, but the reception was poor, so they had to axe it. Some said it was too graphic and disturbing for young kids, what a bunch of nonsense!" She explains while skimming through the pages. Hearing her say that makes me regret staying at home for so long. The things I missed…

As Aubrey is busy immersing herself in the comic, I take a walk around, looking for any that strikes my eye, like a child wandering around a chocolate factory. If there is one thing that separates this outlet and Faraway, is that they provide a small section specially made for games that came out recently. The main attraction is, of course, the old retro games or obscure ones that many have never heard of. But it does not shy away from the latest ones, adding some variety for customers.

There is one poster that catches my eye. A hooded grim-looking man with half his face covered, standing menacingly amidst a busy, ignorant crowd. A small blade is ejected right out of his wrist, that alone is enough to pique my interest.

"Ooh, looks pretty good…" I murmur my excitement under my breath. The mystery behind this man and his unique weapon is really making me consider buying it. But then, my eye gazes down at the poster, and in an instant, my heart drops onto the ground, and along with it, my hopes and dreams. Yes, it is available to play on a computer, but looking at its spec requirements, I can already hear my old computer having an emotional breakdown.

The hardest choices require the strongest will. "Next time, baby…" And with that, I bid my farewell.

Not long after, Aubrey suddenly enters my view, looking rather satisfied. A good book really can change someone. "You finished reading the book?"

"No need to, there is always time for that." She replies, showing me a plastic bag with the name 'Hobbeez' imprinted on the front.

"You bought it? Didn't expect you to."

"I mean, it is a limited edition. What kind of idiot would pass this up?"

I draw a smile, agreeing with her. Aubrey does not look like someone who is still into comic stuff, but then again, she still has her Space-Boy poster hung in her room. In a way, it makes me happy knowing her interest in comics is still there.

"Oh, but don't tell anyone about this, okay? The last thing I want is to have both Kel and Kim chewing me about this."

I raise my hand as if taking a pledge, voicing my vows with a deadpan tone. "I see nothing. I hear nothing."

"Hah, you idiot~" She shakes her head, laughing at my performance, before lightly sighing. "You know, you're the only one I can show this side of me."

"…glad to hear that…" Her words make my heart skip a beat, reminding me once again how much I am crushing on her. We both continue forward before yet another poster catches my eye. "Aubrey, wait. Look at this."

If before, the last poster oozes with mystery and an unadulterated edge, this one has a more…ominous feel to it. The moon, painted in blood red takes almost the entire space, leaving only a city right under. Seeing how small and insignificant the city is compared to the moon gives off this sense of dread as if the day of judgement has arrived, and we humans can do nothing but helplessly watch. What makes it creepier is how wrong this all feels. The moon is supposed to be small and far up there in the sky, but here it is depicted as if it is…falling. Down to earth.

And right between all the madness, contains a message:

'The only thing worse than the weight of the world on your shoulders is the weight of the moon.'

This reminds me of something but I can't exactly pinpoint it. Looking at the bottom section of the poster, another line is written, which reads:

'72 hours, 24 masks, 1 moon. The world is waiting on you.'

Wait, this is…

"Oh wow. What a way to advertise your game." Aubrey says with astonishment. "Do you know what this is, Sun—"

"YES. OF COURSE, I DO!"

"You…do?" She looks at me, surprised.

"It took me a while to recognise it, but after seeing the word 'masks', everything starts to click. Gosh, I can't believe this is the first time I see this poster. I mean, just look at it! Beautiful and creepy, just like the game itself. It doesn't tell much, but everyone can grasp what the plot is all about. Have you ever heard about it, Aubrey?"

"N-No, I haven't."

"Oh man, you really should play it! I don't have the appropriate console, but oh boy if I do get my hands on it, the controller would never leave my hands ever again! Even though this game was eight years old, there are tons of forums and videos still discussing it, so much so that it gained a cult following. They said that this one is the most unique and had a really dark plot compared to the other ones, doesn't that excite you? I had the game's main plot spoiled for me, unfortunately. But I just can't help myself! Watching a few video clips online is already enough to make me think about it all day, just imagine if I actually play it! Oh, this is so exciting!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

…crap, did I say all that out loud?

No. No. No. Please tell me this is all just me talking in my head. There is absolutely no way in hell I just acted like a buffoon, gushing about an old game, no restraints whatsoever, with Aubrey-freaking Aubrey of all people, right beside me, watching me losing my mind. No, I refuse to believe such a thing. It is a premonition, a warning from future me, a vision of what's to come. Everything will be okay. I just have to turn to Aubrey, and if she's looking at me weirdly, it's all over. If not, then it should be—

She is looking at me weirdly.

"…"

"…I'm so sorry."

I want to go home. I want to head straight to bed and just, not be awake anymore. I want to curl into a ball and disappear from human consciousness. Sunny? Who is Sunny? There is no one here on this planet that goes by that name—

"W-Wait, why are you apologising?" She asks in between her laughs. I do not care how cute her laughs are, the shame becomes more unbearable with each second. "Sunny please, hahaha, don't cover your face!"

"Nooo…don't look at me." I could only plead at this point.

Aubrey is still trying to bring my hands down, while hardly containing her giggles. "Come on, dude. Did you really think I'm going to make fun of you?"

"No, but it's so embarrassing…"

"Of what? You're just telling me about the game."

"…"

"You know, Sunny..." Aubrey's tone takes a sudden turn, as her laughs begin to subside. "I really like it when you talk like that."

"…"

"Before you were always quiet, only talked when someone asked you to, always keeping things to yourself. To be honest, I was…a bit scared of you, the first few times we met. Of course, my initial perception of you was off the mark and I was glad to be wrong. But still, sometimes I wondered how you would look like if you were more…outgoing."

"Things happened after that, and when you finally came out, you didn't say a single word. It made me realise just how little I did for you as a friend, and I'm sorry for not reaching out. But now, seeing you being all happy, talking more about the things you like, sharing your passion with others, how could I not be happy?"

"So, don't hide your face and be embarrassed about it. And if you can, please share it with me. I want to know more about the things you like, the games that you enjoy. Would you let me?"

"…"

Ah, this is so unfair. How can I still remain firm after hearing what she just said?

Eventually, I give in to her request and allow her to lower my hands. Upon making eye contact, Aubrey smiles widely, her hands still gently holding mine. 

"See? That wasn't so hard, right?"

"Y-Yeah, mm." I can't help but avert my gaze. Her dazzling smile is too bright, and with her being this close to me, I find myself struggling to say a word. Still, when something is that beautiful, a short glance is all one needs to keep it etched into their brain.

…

We walk out of the store, both of us not empty-handed. Aubrey with her comic book, and then there's me with a second-hand console and a single copy of that game that I have been gushing about. All the embarrassment aside, if it means I can come out with something, especially if it's the game that I've been dreaming of, then maybe it is all worth it in the end.

"You sure you're okay not buying a new one instead?" Aubrey asks.

"It's fine. The console itself is still in good condition, and it's cheap, too." I explain. Certainly, this one is a bargain. To the person who sold it here, I thank you. Your legacy shall continue with me.

As we look around deciding on where to go next, the store's door suddenly opens, startling me a bit. I turn my head only to find two girls walking out as well. We make eye contact for a split second before they pass us, going on their way. But not before I hear something:

"Woah, isn't that the guy who was talking about that one old game?"

"Yeah, it was so funny. He's kinda cute though, don't you think?"

…

I am pretty sure they did that on purpose because Aubrey seems to catch on too. Not sure if I should be offended that they think it's funny, or happy because they think I'm…cute.

My face feels hot and bothered once more. First with Aubrey, and now this. This day just gets even weirder.

"Did you…hear that?" I ask Aubrey for confirmation. And sure enough, she nods her head. "Loud and clear."

"It must be weird, right? These people thinking it's cute and all…" I was expecting Aubrey to agree with me, but then…

"I don't think it's weird."

She looks at me, her sultry expression quickens my pulse. "You've always been cute~"

"…"

What sort of face am I making right now? This hotness swelling in my chest, the pain from my heart beating so hard, everything feels so wrong, and yet feels so right.

I hate it. I hate that I like it. I hate that want more of it.

"Um…" I am unable to reciprocate her gaze. Is it due to fear? Is it forbidden for me to do so? But no matter how many times I tell myself, my eye would refuse to meet hers.

"I-I mean, cute as in, um, the way you talk about it, you know. Hehe…" Even Aubrey is stumbling on her words, much to my surprise. I wonder if she too is feeling the same way as I am. Feeling all hot and bothered, seemingly lost for words when we both make eye contact.

Seeing her like that, I decide to go in for the attack. "You know, Aubrey…I think you're pretty…cute, too. When you talk about the comic, and stuff…"

"…"

Silence? Why isn't she saying anything?

I slightly raise my head up, taking a small peak and Aubrey is standing right there, frozen, her eyes as wide as saucers, and her face flared red like a tomato.

Did it work? Could this be a sign?

"…"

It feels like forever since we both remain like this, helplessly stargazing at each other's eyes. The air tastes sweet, waiting for someone to break this silence. Aubrey inches forward, slowly bringing her face close to mine. "Sunny, do you want to—"

HONK HONK

"Move out of the way, please!"

Had it not been for Aubrey yanking my arm to the side, I definitely would have seen my soul flying away. It is like watching a show, the plot is engrossing, holding me in a chokehold, and when the story is about to reach its climax, it just…ends. No preview, no credits, nothing.

Right before us is a small train slowly moving past the crowd. Cute pictures of animals decorated on its body, along with a children's song cheerfully played by its speaker. Inside the train are a bunch of kids with their parents, one of them is pointing straight at me with a lollipop in his mouth. Look at them, laughing all carefree and innocent. Must be nice to not have your little ride interrupted, isn't it?

"Oh wow, that looks boring." Aubrey gives out such a wonderful insight. Not sure what she is expecting from a slow, chill ride like this. In any case, this is probably the most bizarre thing I witness today. Will I ride it, though? Probably not. Do I want to? Possibly.

The train then stops at a small booth not far from us, possibly their 'station'. With a loud whistle, the passengers all come out of the carriage, and some kids are already begging for another ride. What surprises me is there are even a few teenagers hopping off the train. Such shamelessness, though there's nothing wrong in reliving childhood memories. Having said that, I can imagine the children's heartbreak seeing those grown teenagers taking their spot.

"So, uh, where are we going next?" Aubrey asks, prompting me to get a move on. "I'm not hungry yet, but if you wanna grab a bite, then I'm down." She adds.

I lightly rub my stomach, still staring at the people coming out of the train. One, in particular, had his hair dyed blue. Seems like everyone is eager to change their hair colours, though I am not so sure why. "I'm not exactly that hungry, but—"

Wait, blue?

My head jerks towards the train in search of that familiar colour, and sure enough, he is right there, wearing that usual beanie of his. He is not alone though, as alongside him is a girl walking together, and that is enough for me to understand the full picture. Mom always teaches me to mind my own business, and I know how it feels like to have your moment interrupted. As a friend, I have to respect his privacy.

Aubrey on the other hand is having question marks hovering over her head. "What's the matter?" She asks.

I shake my head. "Nothing. We should probably go—"

"Yo, Sunny! Is that you? Didn't expect to see you here." A familiar voice calls me from behind. And just as I am about to excuse myself. Oh well, at least it's him that I bump into today. If it is Rowan, I would never hear the end of it, especially if he sees me with a girl.

"Hey, Rudy. Well, someone has to be, right?" We both shake hands before I turn toward the girl next to him. "Hiyori," I say, nodding my head.

She replies the same in return. "Hello, Sunny. I assume you're here with somebody?"

"Oh, yeah. This is Aubrey, my old friend from Faraway, that town not far from here. Aubrey, this is Rudy and Hiyori, my friends from school."

I have always thought of introducing my Faraway friends to my city ones someday, though it was only but a pipe dream. Seems like that dream become reality, after all. After sharing the pleasantries, Hiyori asks: "So, uh, are you guys here to do some shopping, or just walk around?"

"Sort of. I wanted to see what's cool around here, good thing I have Sunny here to show me around." Says Aubrey proudly whilst patting me on the back, like a dad boasting about his son's high exam marks. She is overreacting, but I am certainly not complaining about this serotonin boost.

"Is he, now?" Hiyori smiles as well. "You sure know your way around here, huh?"

"He may look like that, but boy does he has tricks under his sleeves." Even Rudy decides to join in the 'Giving Sunny Self-Esteem' session. I might as well melt like thawed ice should this continue. "Well, we won't be bothering you two any longer. Have fun, okay?"

As Aubrey and Hiyori say their goodbyes, Rudy suddenly snuck up on me, smirking. "So, this is what you've been doing behind my back, huh? Bringing girls to dates, showing them a good time…"

"Hey, what I do is none of your business." I throw it back at him.

"Hey, no need to be so secretive." Rudy raises his hands as if surrendering while still wearing that smug on his face. "I have to say though, you do have a very keen eye on women. She's some looker, alright."

"Ooh, I'm sure Hiyori would love to hear that~"

"Getting cocky huh, you little shit." Both of us burst into laughter shortly after. Hanging out with people, making stupid jokes, and laughing together; moments like these are what make life even more special, and I am very glad to be able to experience it.

…

"Those are your friends, huh?" Aubrey comments after we both and the pair go our separate ways. "That girl seems nice, can't say the same for the boy, though." She adds.

"What makes you say that?" I ask.

She shrugs her shoulders. "I know a delinquent when I see one. Aside from his hair colour, he just has this…air around him that I can't explain."

"Even if he is, he's changed though."

"Oh, of course. I doubt someone like that girl would choose him if he is still the way he was." Aubrey explains. I can't help but wonder about the possibilities of their relationship, had Rudy remained stubborn in his habits, or had Hiyori refused to understand him. How would they both end up? For better, or for worse?

"Although, something about that boy…"

"What about it?"

"I feel like I've seen him before. He looks so familiar like I'm supposed to know him. But…" She trails off, looking slightly confused. "Forget it. I must have sounded weird, huh?"

Hearing her say that sends me chills because it was the same feeling I had when meeting Hiyori for the first time, The sense of familiarity, like seeing your long lost relative, or meeting your sibling after being separated for so long. Or even worse, staring at your own reflection in the mirror. In time, I learned to ignore this uncanny feeling, but it would be a lie if I didn't think about it every now and then.

"I understand what you're feeling. It was the same for me too with Hiyori. The strange sensation, similar to déjà vu." It maybe sounds weird, but I am glad to know that someone is experiencing this too. Makes it feel less lonely

"You too, huh?" Wonder what it all means…"

"Who knows…" In any case, dwelling on theories and conspiracies can be saved for a later time. Right now, the only thing I want to do is to spend more time with Aubrey. Who knows when will I have this chance again, with everyone being busy and all? "So, uh, is there anywhere else you want to go? We still have some time before lunch, want to go check on some clothes? Or hit it off at the arcade?" I ask.

Seeing me getting back on track, Aubrey's face lifts up once more, as she rubs her chin, looking around the mall. There must be a lot of places she wanted to go, and I could only pray that we have the time to do so.

"Hmm…" She is still scanning the mall before suddenly pointing at a particular store below us. "Is that…a pet store?"

I walk forward, trying to get a better look at what she is pointing at. The store is pink in colour, with the words 'Pet Kingdom' displayed in big letters, presumably its name. "It seems so. You want to go there?"

"You bet I do! Come on, let's go!" She answers with high spirits, as expected from a pet owner. With her looking all fired up, how could I say no? Not that I planned to.

As we both head down the stairs, Aubrey turns to me, saying: "You know, Sunny. I have a lot of fun today."

"You do?" I ask.

She nods. "I mean, just look at this place. It's huge, there are so many things to do. A whole lot better than sitting on your ass in Faraway."

I let out a small chuckle seeing her complaining. "Faraway's not that bad. It's quiet and lazy there; peaceful, unlike here."

"Hmm, is that so?" She looks unsatisfied with my answer. Knowing Aubrey, it is only a matter of time before she leaves Faraway too, searching for opportunities in life, or the very least, a better roof to live under. Sometimes, I wish I could help her more, but there is so much a teenager can do. Things like these are beyond our control.

Although, offering her a place in my apartment does not sound too bad…

Yeah, let's not get carried away. Getting back on track, if she is happy to be in the city, then who am I to stop her? Maybe I could help her with that. With that in mind, I say: "Hey, if you feel like you want to go somewhere in the city, do some sightseeing or whatnot, you could always give me a call. I'll be more than happy to, even if it's just the two of us. So…"

Aubrey looks at me, stunned for a moment, and only then do I realise the meaning of my words. But before I could take it back, the girl gives out a hearty laugh, shaking her head a few times, before pausing to look straight at me with a wide smile drawn. "Just the two of us, huh? Now that you put it that way, I guess there's no choice but to accept your offer, then. You better prepare yourself!"

Seeing her smile, and hearing her laugh never fail to make my heart skip a beat, no matter how many times I see it. It is baffling how wonderful today has been. Never would I see myself walking around the mall, living an everyday life with actual people, hanging out with the girl I like. It feels like an old dream come true, a dream that I once cast aside. So much pain and grief I went through to get to this point, but it is all worth it in the end.

"And hey, if it means I can see you gush about games again…" Aubrey nudges my shoulder, smirking.

"Can we please not talk about that?" I let out a small whine, as that painful memory flashes by again.

"Hah, why not? It's good to see you be more—ah!"

For a moment, everything feels slow and sluggish, time moves at a snail's pace as the girl before me slowly losing balance, her body descending the flight of stairs. And right there and then, something switches in me, commanding my body to react. My hand reaches out for her as if it knows what to do next, and luckily enough, I was able to grab her arm in time, thanks to our distance being pretty close. Had I been a few centimeters away, things might turn a bit ugly for the both of us.

"Woah, be careful. You okay, Aubrey?" I ask her, to which she immediately nods, still looking surprised.

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for catching me."

I heave a sigh of relief. "You need to be more careful, next time." This whole thing reminds me of that day in Faraway, where Aubrey saved me from a speeding truck. She may not remember it, but at least I already returned the favour. As I am about to let her go...

"…!"

My eye sees something.

Something on her arm. It looks and feels familiar.

But where did I see it? When did I see it?

Come and think about it, all the times I saw Aubrey was during the cold seasons.

Back at the grave, and then during winter break.

All those times, I have only seen her wearing long-sleeved clothes. It makes sense why I never noticed it, until now.

It is faint, but I can see it clearly. This thing…

"Sunny's here? Wow, it really is you. It's been a while, but you haven't changed a bit."

This scar…

"How long has it been since you left your house? Three years? Maybe four? Must have been really nice to live in your own little bubble."

I…

"Watch it, Aubrey! You don't know what he's been through."

It all comes back.

"GAH!!"

On that day, I did something…

"Is…is that a knife!?"

Something so horrible, so vile…

"You think you're the good guy, don't you Kel? And I'm the big, bad bully, here to terrorize poor, defenseless Basil."

…no.

"YOU'RE THE ONE HANGING OUT WITH THE PSYCHOPATH WHO CARRIES AROUND A KNIFE!"

No…

"…um, Sunny? You can let go now."

No, no, no…

"…it kinda hurts."

No, no, no, no, no—

"Sunny, you're hurting me!"

Snapping out of it, I lift my head, only to find Aubrey staring at me, looking scared. Uncomfortable, as if I am but a stranger in her eyes. Without realising, she yanks her arm out of my grasp. "What's wrong with you all of the sudden? Gripping my arm like that…oh!"

She gasps upon seeing her arm, realising the situation. Her other hand instinctively covers the scar. "Oh, this! Um, you don't have to worry about it. Look, it's already healed!" Aubrey momentarily panics, juggling her words to calm me down.

"…"

"…um, Sunny?"

"Sorry, but I need to use the bathroom."

"Oh…okay…I'll be waiting for you, then."

Mine has been a life of much shame.

Accidents, tragedy, misery. No matter how far I run, the claws of sin will never let go, a painful reminder of who I once was, who I am now, and what will I forever be.

A confined space, locked behind a door. I sit inside, as the burning pain in my chest urges me to throw up, along with the drumming sounds of my heartbeat in my ears. Here I am, hidden from view. None may see, none may know.

A pill is swallowed to soothe the pain. How embarrassing, after all the months of progress and hard work. In the end, I still have to rely on it like an incompetent fool. Too bad the effect does not immediately kick in.

Memories keep flipping through my brain like a film, forcing me to relive them. To see. To make me regret. That day was long, long ago, and yet the sensation feels all too recent like it was yesterday.

I look at my fingers. They tremble in fear, acting all scared, but they know what I have done. These very same hands…

They hurt.

They cut.

They kill.

"Sunny, you're hurting me!"

Aubrey's voice, once a remedy, now curses me to no end.

Shut up, shut up, shut up. I did not hurt her. How could I possibly…?

…

I didn't mean to…it was an accident…I didn't know.

But I cannot tell her that. How could I, when the proof is right there for everyone to see?

…

I should have seen this coming. Everything was going smoothly, way too perfect. It was bound to come crumbling down sooner or later, like a ticking bomb. You cannot escape the inevitable. After all, this is what you get for confronting the past. What was I thinking, agreeing to see her after everything I did? Just how selfish can I be?

But am I not allowed to do this? To have fun, to build back broken bridges with them? To let her know that I have changed as a person?

…

I have changed, have I not?

It has to be! I eat more, go outside, meet some new friends, and reconnect with old ones. Surely, I am no longer the same person I was back then?

But then, why am I here, locking myself in yet another small room?

…

"People don't really change, you know…"

What Mike said…

"All he needs is a simple misunderstanding, a bad joke, a small incident…"

He's wrong! There's no way whatever he said can be correct…right?

...and just like that, he'll return to who he was."

This is tiring. So, so tiring. All these questions are burdening me to no end, and I am tired of it.

Just let me be at peace. Let me forget, even for just a moment.

…

…

…

"A familiar ceiling…"

Here I am, again. A place with no limits. White is painted across the room, far as the eye can see. A small laptop, a basket, and a notebook. All I ever need, nothing else matters.

I am lying down, staring at the lightbulb, hanging onto…whatever it is up there. This place keeps me safe from harm. From expectations, from people. A place where I can be…me. Whatever I want to be.

As I groggily get up, a familiar sight catches my eye. It looks like I am not alone in this white void. There he stands, wearing his usual monochrome clothes, staring at me with those dull, black eyes of his. To others, it is a symbol of fear, but to me, it is a sign of comfort, that everything will always be okay in the end.

There is no denying it, the boy over there is none other than me, or rather, a version of me. A fragment of a time when everything was better. A symbol of innocence, of childhood bliss, a desire to remain stagnant…forever.

He reaches his hand out, prompting me to do the same. Oh, how easy would it be to accept his hand and simply fade away. To return back to those times: an image of Paradise. Who would ever reject such salvation?

But…

"I…I can't. I want to, but I just…can't."

"…"

"I see. That's a shame, then."

The boy starts to close the distance between us. My body is calling me to move, and yet, I could not move a muscle. He seems harmless, but something in my gut keeps telling me how terrible this all is.

"Just now, you said something…of how I am you, a version of you."

I could not tear my eye away from him. "What the…how do you—"

"I heard all that. We are in your mind, after all."

He continues to walk closer. "Well, technically you're right. We both look the same, act the same. But there's a slight problem with that."

"What are you talking about? You are me!"

As my desperate claims echo through the room, the air begins to change, spelling nothing but fear and dread. The innocence of this room slowly changes, stained by the colour of blood. The boy walks closer, but his movements are unnatural as if he is limping with one leg. The pale white skin melts off his face like wax on a candle, revealing a dirtier, decaying skin, eaten by maggots. His fingers twist inhumanly as if it is possessed, the sounds of bones cracking and crushing hurts my ears.

"I am nothing but a mask. A shield to protect you from the truth, from the things you refuse to look in the eye."

His void black eyes swirl like an endless spiral, before it glows with red, piercing into my very soul, paralysed me with fear. His mouth is rotten, stained with blood and dead skin as if he has eaten nothing but his own flesh.

"But now that you refuse to avert your eyes, the mask no longer holds a purpose. And so, there is nothing left to hide."

"…"

What stood before me now is no longer the monochrome boy, but instead what I could only describe as a resident from Hell, here to drag me down, along with him. No one could live in such a condition, and that is probably his eternal punishment. The sight is too much for my poor soul, making me avert my gaze.

"Not even going to look at me?"

"…"

"Are you that disgusted with me, your very own creation?"

I force my tongue to move. "What are you talking about? I don't even know you."

"That is a lie and you know it." His emotionless growl shakes me down to the core. "Maybe this would make you remember."

He kneels down, shoving his zombie-like hands down my face, its stench makes my stomach churn. "This blood on my hand, do you recognise it?"

"…"

"Of course, you would. After all, you do share the same blood as her." He coldly claims, seeing me giving no reaction. Much as I want to deny his words, the taste of blood is too familiar for me to deny. I know it all too well.

Feeling my willpower seeping away, I slump my shoulders in defeat, surrendering to this…monster. "Who are you?"

"I am what you refer to as Sunny Suzuki, the authentic one."

"…"

"…are you not going to disagree with me?"

No, it is nothing like that. I can easily shove him away, let my screams echo through this void of how wrong he is, but I could not. No, it is more than that. It is not that I could not…

"But you won't. Because deep down, you know that I am right. The truth is, this is how you see Sunny Suzuki as. This is what you imagine Sunny Suzuki looks like. Broken fingers, decaying skin, stained with blood all over; an abomination. A monster. A devil."

He talks with such spite, but beneath it contains a great sorrow and grief, a dying wish to be better, to be cleansed from dirt, to be someone…different. I know better, for it is my hands that mould it into such a thing.

Once more, I have created yet another failure.

I clench my hands, feeling sharp nails sink deep into my palm. "Why…" I desperately repeat. "After all these months, why am I still like this? I thought I…I…"

"Do you honestly think that you are different now?"

"Of course, I do!" I finally find the courage to voice my own thoughts. "I talked a lot more, met new people, learned new things. Yes, I'm a few years late, so what? It doesn't stop me from trying to be who I wanted to be."

With Kel's words as my anchor, I lift myself off the ground.

"And I will not stop until I reach that point. I swear to never give up and continue to head down this path!"

With Basil's words as my support, I bravely march forward.

"I shall keep working hard to be the perfect version of myself…"

Aubrey's words fill me with hope.

"…because I believe that even someone like me deserves a second chance…"

Rudy's story inspires me, as I now stand toe-to-toe with the boy in front of me.

"…isn't that enough proof that I have changed!?"

"…"

"…"

Our gaze meets each other, both refusing to back down. I thought I have done everything I could to prove him wrong, that these last two years is not a waste. But then…

"If that's the case…" His long, sharp nails suddenly grip my shoulders, forcing me to look at his rotten face. "…then why are you here?"

"…"

"Why do you come back here, to this god-awful place? Why do you wish to forget once more? Why are we having this conversation?"

"N-No, I just…" He shakes my frail body, pent-up anger seeping out of his crooked voice, and once again, I am at a loss for words, unable to fight back.

"If you have truly changed, then why do I still look like this!?"

"…"

…why?

Why can't I say anything? Why is my willpower so weak that it could easily be crushed by words alone?

Why do his words hurt so much?

"The only thing you have done is cover up an ugliness that could never be cleansed. Pretend to be everything you are not: a student, a friend, or a partner. But there is one truth you will never avoid."

"You cannot change. It's like what the girl said. You will always be a monster, a psychopath that brings a knife around."

"…"

The weight of his words brings me to my knees. There is nothing left I could do. No shouts of anger, no tears of regret. Just an eerie silence, in this dread-filled space.

"This girl who you have feelings for, why do you continue to pursue her? Why do you keep walking down this uncertain path?"

"Because…I like her." My tongue moves on its own.

"And that feeling will do nothing but hurt her in the end."

"No…I won't hurt her…"

"But you did hurt her. Haven't you forgotten? You loved your sister, and you ended up killing her. Who can truly say you would not do the same to this girl?"

"I…I want to protect her…"

"With those hands, that took someone's life? Everything that you touch, destroys. You bring nothing but misery, everywhere you go."

"…no…"

"You are undependable and can never commit when things become tough, and all your hard work will go to waste. Even now, you choose to lock yourself in a small room, refusing to face it. How can someone so flawed can protect anything?"

 "…no…"

"The girl doesn't need more burden in her life. She needs someone that she can rely on, someone that will always remain by her side. And your problems will bring her nothing but pain."

"…please…"

"In the end, you will abandon her, just like you did with the others. You will run away, just like your father!"

"THEN, WHAT SHOULD I DO?"

"…"

"…"

Feeling powerless, I grovel on the ground in front of him like a pathetic dog, begging. "Please, tell me what should I do. I don't want to hurt Aubrey, not again."

These past few months have all led up to this moment. I want to be a better person, a perfect version of myself so that one day, I have it in me to say that I can stand by Aubrey's side, and never leave her. And if I can't do that, if I would bring nothing but suffering into her life…

"Aren't you a selfless person? Don't you always put others in front, instead of yourself? Don't you want to protect her?"

"…"

The boy puts his hand on my shoulders. "If you truly love her…"

"…then let her go."

I stare at my own reflection in the mirror, watching droplets of water slowly roll down my cheek, before falling onto the dirty sink. As the sounds of running water fill my ears, I keep staring at the image before me:

A black-haired boy, with a noticeable scar on his right eye.

I feel my skin peeling off my spine.

"How disgusting." I hiss, covering the scar. It is ugly, hideous. Why am I walking around, letting everyone see this thing carved on my face?

I pull out my eyepatch from my pocket, hooking it firmly. Initially, I bring it in case of discomfort, but now I know how much of a mistake it was.

With this, no one will know of what I did, of who I am.

Like a mask.

To them, I would always be a quiet, innocent kid who has nothing interesting to note of.

An angel.

But my history, my sins, my ugliness shall forever be concealed.

Sins only a devil could commit.

I can never change. I finally realise that now.

No matter what I do, these hands will always be stained with blood. These flaws will always remain.

And I will always be…

Chapter 18: A Devil Wearing an Angel's Mask (Part 4)

Chapter Text

The look on her face says it all—a mixture of uncertainty and guilt, the fear that lingers in her eyes, moulded together to create a grim expression that fits her like a mask, no doubt I played a part in that. It pains me to see her like this…

…which is why things must go down this way.

"Oh, you're back." A low, shaky voice escapes from her lips.

"Sorry about that." I force out a reply.

"And your eyepatch…" She points at the right side of my face, where my eye used to be.

"Yeah. It starts to get itchy."

"…"

"…"

Silence. Aubrey awkwardly rubs her forearm. "Um, is everything alright? You know you can tell me anything."

"…"

"L-Look, if it's about the scar, you know I already forgive you. It's been years since then, and I—"

"Don't worry about it." I offer a short reply, not wanting to dwell on it any further. Walking past her, I point my hand towards a particular store. "Come on, let's go to the pet store."

Aubrey stares at me bewildered, before eventually nodding her head a few times, as if she is reassuring herself. "Yeah, let's go."

"…"

My heart feels heavy, all of a sudden. To treat her like this, to speak in such a manner; all of this is wrong! I need to—

No. No, I should not.

Things have to be this way.

I need to close my heart. 

Just a little bit more, and all of this will come to an end.

As soon as we enter the store, the unsettling atmosphere between us has evaporated like a drop of water on a dry desert. Aubrey's contacts lit up with excitement, watching gleefully at the sight of adorable animals moving around. "Look at them, so cute!" She lightly squeals, carefully making light steps so as to not scare them, looking much like an innocent girl.

Whether it is a genuine reaction or a mere act to cover up, I am not so keen to find out. What matters is that the awkward tension has been put to rest. For now, at least.

As Aubrey enjoys herself in her own paradise, surrounded by fluffy cats and bunnies, she then turns to me, gesturing her hand. "Don't just stand there, come! Take a look at this one."

I internally sigh. Her enthusiasm can be endearing to witness, yet exhausting. Nevertheless, I choose to play along and head towards Aubrey, who is currently holding a small white bunny in her hands.

"Does this remind you of someone?" She brings the animal closer to my face, presenting this newfound discovery.

"…Bun-Bun?"

"Correct! Although, Bun-Bun is a bit larger. No doubt she's been eating well, thanks to a certain someone." She claims with a smug tone, patting herself on the back. The rabbit, on the other hand, simply stares at the human with blank eyes. What could be going on inside that mammal's head? "Are you not going to look around?"

"Uh, I'm not exactly here to buy myself a pet…"

"Oh, come on. It's not like you have to buy one when you enter this store." The girl taps my shoulder, as she keeps insisting I go take a look. "I'm pretty sure there are some cats here that will get your attention."

Once again, I decide to comply with her request and go around the store in search of some felines. It is her day after all, and it sure is a lot better than standing around like a statue.

…

Well, she is certainly not wrong. There are already a few that pique my interest: ones with fur as fluffy as a cloud, others with jewel-like eyes, easing their way into the human heart. Coupled with their silly behaviour, one might find it hard to resist the temptation to pet these adorable animals. To be showered with such affection by simply existing, I cannot help but be envious.

It is not long until a particular one catches my eye. It is sitting on the ground licking its paws, clearly minding its own business. Unlike the others who are more active, moving around the small buildings specifically made for them, this one opts to laze around on a sofa, waiting for something to happen.

The feline then notices my presence, and its eyes lock with my own.

"…"

The cat itself is nothing special. Compared to its more domestic-like companions, this one appears to be more…normal. Cloaked with the colour black, it continues to stare at me, giving me a sense of familiarity.

That is right. It is not the appearance or its behaviour that pulls me. It is…

"…is it really you?"

When was the last time I last saw her? It was a gift from Mari and one that I immediately had a connection with. Just having her close was enough to bring me comfort. If circumstances were different, perhaps she would still be under my care.

But of course, things did not go the way I hoped for.

I reach my hand out for the cat, gesturing for it to come close. A more, wholesome memory comes into mind; Faraway somehow always have stray cats wandering around the streets, so much so it has become an attraction for tourists to come. Once, I fed one a small piece of fish I bought from the market, and the next thing I knew, a flock of cats rushed in out of nowhere. Since then, my friends loved to associate me with them, and it was something I was proud of.

But this is one is different. Instead of coming close, the cat remains static in its position like a statue, while its eyes continue to shoot darts at me. I wonder if this one is generally afraid of humans? I take a deep breath, trying to appear as gentle as possible but before I could even feel its fur, the cat immediately tenses up before running away into its shelter.

"Huh, that's weird. She rarely shies away from people, and is usually one of the more active ones." One of the shopkeepers approach me, wearing a confused face. "One time we had to put our ornate plants away because she kept trying to eat them…you didn't try to scare her, did you?" The young woman asks me jokingly. I shrug off my shoulders in reply. As I take one last look at the black feline, I wonder whether it is the eyepatch that scares it off. Not many people go around wearing this as an accessory.

Or, maybe I did scare it off…

"…"

There is no need to dwell on this any further. The only reason I approached the cat in the first place was that it resembles the one I used to own. In any case, if I have the time to be worrying about mundane stuff like this, it is better spent on finishing the rest of our plan. I head back towards the rabbit section. "Aubrey, do you want to—oh…"

Aubrey is still there, holding the rabbit in her arms, giggling to herself while giving it little kisses. She looks so peaceful, so happy in her own little world, as if nothing could ever bother her. Seeing her like that, I could not bring it in me to interrupt her little moment.

Every now and then, I keep being reminded of how beautiful the girl is. Her radiance shines so brightly, blinding me to everything else except for her and her cute smile. Her long, beautiful hair rested on her shoulders. Her soft touch, as she continues to run her fingers on the rabbit's fur, treating it with much love and affection. Her mesmerising eyes which I find myself so easy to get lost in. Everything about her is simply wonderful. It feels so surreal how someone who has gone through so much can still muster such an innocent smile.

"…"

There I go again, ranting about how pretty my childhood friend is. It almost seems helpless at this point, but there is no wrong with appreciating beauty.

Which is why I…

"Sunny, you're hurting me!"

I must be rational and not let my emotions take over. Some things are beautiful for the very reason they are unobtainable. For her sake, I must let go. Even if my heart wishes otherwise…

After a while, Aubrey finally puts the rabbit down, before realising my presence. "Oh, Sunny. Are we leaving now?" She asks.

"Up to you," I reply. "If you still want to be here…"

"No, it's alright. About time we leave anyway, I'm starting to get hungry."

…

As we make our way towards the exit, I decide to have some small talk with Aubrey. "You seem to be having fun, back there."

She blushes a little. "Is that so? Well, it's so easy for me to get lost in it. You should know how much I love bunnies, right?"

"Yeah. You're right."

The door exit is within hand's reach. As I open it, hearing the clinking bells tied at the top, Aubrey suddenly speaks. "Sunny, wait."

Hearing her saying my name puts me at pause, as I turn around to look at her. Aubrey's face appears restless, as if that moment of bliss she had seconds ago never existed. "Are you…feeling better, now?"

"…"

Her eyes meet mine. She looks at me with that concerned eyes of hers. Was it really that obvious? We have been friends for a long time, so it is only natural for her to pick up on things like this. Could that be the reason for her sudden switch, and why she is so persistent on having me take a look around the store?

I feel disappointed in myself. Another reminder of how badly I screwed up today. This is supposed to be her day; she should be having the time of her life, not wasting it worrying over someone like me.

"Yeah. Of course, I do." I can feel the lies seeping through my teeth saying that.

The girl furrows her eyebrows, still maintaining her stare at me. Her lips murmur something and I fear for what is coming next. Instead, she roughly sighs, nodding her head a few times. "I see. That's good, then."

Before I could say anything, she quickly moves past me, hanging her head down. "Come on, we have other places to go."

But I can see it clearly. That broken, dejected face that I knew so well. A fragile vase that will break upon a single touch. The bright radiance is no longer there, replaced by the bitterness of her voice, as she leaves me there at the exit, frozen.

"…"

I am not blind. I know how wrong this all is. With each passing second, a part of me bleeds seeing Aubrey being hurt. Friends aside, to treat another person like this is unacceptable. Every single fibre in my body is commanding me to open my mouth and tell her everything. But I…

I…

"…"

I could not. My fingers are shaking with frustration. No matter what, I simply cannot tell her.

How many times do I have to repeat myself? This is the right thing to do, the only way to make her happy. So, why am I still feeling guilty? It would be much easier to push her away and be done with it.

But even that is impossible. Because my feelings for her are still there, letting out a voiceless scream, wanting to be heard.

Why?

Why do I have to be so weak?

No matter how much I fight it, try to bury it deep down, these feelings keep coming back, making me irrational, making me wish for something so selfish.

Why, oh why does it have to be Aubrey? If it is someone else, someone who I never knew, then all of this would be easier.

If only…if only we never met…

If only I didn't think this way about Aubrey…

"…"

No. I must not falter.

I need to close my heart. Do not let it speak, let the brain dictates what happens next.

Things have to be this way. It must.

Einstein once said that time is relative to the observer, and I firmly believe it to be so. Everything moves so quickly, like flipping through pages of a book or skimming through multiple paragraphs. You get the gist of the story, but fail to notice the little, intricate details. For example, a subtle plot point leads to a major twist later on. For what reason someone finds a need to skim through a story? They might do it out of necessity to finish the plot, others are simply too bored to care, while some could not put their minds to it, no matter how hard they try.

After the little incident, I know the day will never feel the same again. The carefree attitude we both had earlier is simply lost, and the day will end on a sour note. Though there is still time to change things, I no longer see the point in doing so. I thought by doing other activities would serve as a distraction; a way to put my mind off things. But they are persistent.

Even when we are eating lunch.

Even when we are doing window shopping.

Even when we are at the aquarium.

The more I try to forget, the more they force me to remember.

As for Aubrey, I could not say for sure. She turns passive after our last talk and resorts to giving a small comment here and there, as we both follow where our legs take us.

Many times, I find myself gazing at Aubrey's hand. What once was a childish desire to be closer is now nothing but proof of my naivety. How could I wish for such a thing when this hand of mine was responsible for many acts? This hand failed to meet expectations, broke friendships for years to come, and even took someone's life.

Indeed, this hand has brought misery and pain to everyone, and Aubrey deserves better. Someone who can stay by her side at all times, reliable enough to be the pillar she can lean on. I thought I was that person. Hell, I tried to be one. But what happened today said otherwise. Who can say for sure it will never occur again?

I simply do not want to be a bother, that is all.

The skies have turned orange. The bright sun, millimetre by millimetre, falls down to the ground, swallowed by the earth as another shall take its place, bringing darkness to the entire city. It is a sign that the end of yet another day is drawing close. I reflect upon myself today; so many things that could go wrong did go wrong. A small scar snowballed itself into something big, destroying what was supposed to be a joyous day. Instead, it only reopened old wounds, scars that should be left alone. It is a day that I truly wish to forget.

Aubrey must be feeling the same too, maybe even coming to regret the decision of inviting me along. It was a mistake agreeing to go with her in the first place, and I should have been the wiser. Had I said no, someone else will accompany her, and today would have definitely ended on a higher note. But that is all I could now, complain. The only thing left is to live with the consequences.

… 

The bus station is rather lively, occupied with people holding a few shopping bags at hand. It is a relief knowing the wait will not be awkward, especially knowing both of us are not in the mood for any sort of talking.

And so, we wait.

"…"

"…"

The wind blows. I readjust my eyepatch, feeling the breeze rustling my black hair. Aubrey is beside me, staring at the far horizon, her face lost in the borderless skies.

"Did you have fun, today?"  

My mouth asks a question that needs not be asked. I feel myself assaulted by anxiety, raising up something that may offend her. Aubrey's eyes widen. "Huh? Did you say something, Sunny?"

"Yeah. I asked if you had fun today."

Her cyan contacts stare at me with surprise. "I guess so. The mall has so many things to do, and we've only scratched the surface. No wonder everyone's been talking about it."

I lightly nod. Though today may be a let-down, the girl has a lot to gain than lose here. Someone like her will find the mall right at home, and I would not be surprised if she becomes a regular there. "Maybe next time you can bring the other ones with you. I'm sure they will like it."

"And you're joining too, yeah?"

"…"

I could not answer her, and at that moment, my silence opens up an inevitable topic I would rather not confront. An ideal situation would be ignorance, where she would turn a blind eye and pretend like nothing ever happened, and the day would end as a simple hangout between two old friends. But reality is always unkind to such wishes. The more you wish for something, the further it pushes you away.

"…"

The girl beside me freezes, letting a small breeze blows her pink hair. Her eyebrows furrow before she shakes her head, looking directly at me.

"Why?"

A simple question but it carries an unbearable weight. I find myself tongue-tied, unable to reply.

"Look, I mean it when I say that I enjoy the time we have today. If this is about the scar, then I already forgave you. If this is about Mari, then…" Aubrey clicks her tongue, sighing frustratingly. "I don't know how many times I have to say this, but I'll say it anyway if it means I can finally get through. You are my friend, Sunny. No matter what, we will always accept you as one of our own. Kel, Basil, me. So, don’t worry about it."

"…it's not that—"

"—then, what!?" Her voice rises, along with the whirling wind. "What is it that you're not telling me!?"

"…"

I cannot say it. No matter how much the guilt is eating from the inside, my vision is glued to the dirt, shying away from the girl. Followed by my passive response, Aubrey lets out another rough sigh, letting a moment of silence accompany this bus station. My stomach churns, and my heart weighs an unbearable shame, making me wish for a swift death, yet still, I persist, consciously aware of my stubbornness. Does she hate me, now that I refuse to listen to her pleas? Would she let this whole thing rest and move on? Everything will be a lot easier should that be the case.

 But then, the girl suddenly speaks. Words that are meant to be gentle, but are spoken in a melancholic tone. "You know, there is something that I really like about you."

"Before we met, I had a lot of trouble fitting in. A lot of people called me rough, always complaining about everything, and even rude sometimes. After we all became friends, I always assumed that you guys were going to leave me eventually. It was hard to talk to people about some things, fearing they may find it annoying. But you never rejected me, Sunny. Every time I needed to just, let it all out, you always had time for me, listening to me talk for hours and hours…"

"…it made me happy, knowing how willing you were to listen to this girl talk about the silly things she had in mind. And, I really appreciate that. But then, things…happened. And after some years, I finally realised something that I should have long ago…"

Aubrey's voice suddenly shakes, as her words carry a certain weight. "I never once asked about you. How was your day, how were you feeling, how was the recital, all these questions I could've asked, but didn't. It was always about me, me and me. I was quite selfish back then, huh? Had I asked about you, had I cared enough, then perhaps things might've been different."

The girl takes another short pause before turning to face me, locking her cyan contacts with mine. "Look, I know it sounds a bit forceful, and at the end of the day, it's still your choice. But believe me when I say I want to help you. My words may not mean much, but at the very least, I could lend an ear for you to listen. A shoulder for you to lean on, just like you did for me back then."

"…"

. With a wavering voice, she says: "You don't have to do this all by yourself. I want to be there for you Sunny, for all these years that we have missed. But if you don't tell me what's going on, I don't know where to start…" She pauses, as her eyes drop to the side. "Or maybe, you don't trust me enough…"

What should I do? The girl in front of me, one of my oldest friends, who have suffered for so long, carrying the anger and sadness all by herself, is now desperately trying to reach the culprit for all her suffering. The desire to help, to reignite the lost connection we had, shines brightly through her face. As if she reaches her hand out, trying to reach for the distant moon. Such a pure, innocent wish…

"…"

Yet all the more reason why I cannot tell her.

The bus arrives shortly after, and for once life has listened to my pleas.

The chatter of nearby passengers, the blinding light of the sunset shimmering from the city landscapes, the rumbling sound coming from the engine; they are all gone, swallowed by white noise as Aubrey's words push me deeper into my conscious, like a gush of water violently hitting my face. Even her presence right now is no longer registered. As if she boards the bus alone, leaving me at the station along with her afterimage, forced to relive the conversation we had.

"If this is about the scar, then I already forgave you..."

"You don't have to do this all by yourself. I want to be there for you…"

How much time has passed? How many times have I watched this scene? Ten, fifty? Even a hundred? So much so I begin to feel sick.

But each time, that feeling I have is always the same. That moment of epiphany, like searching for a pencil for a good minute only to realise it is right under your nose this whole time. It should be so obvious, yet I am blinded to it for so long. 

I never confine to anyone about anything. My secrets, my opinions, my problems; all of it is locked inside this beating heart, sealing it tight. At the swings, Aubrey often shared with me lots of things: stories that made her happy, things that made her sad, jokes that made her laugh, and problems that made her cry.

A symbol of trust, she said.

Aubrey told me everything, while I told her nothing.

It was not that she never asked about it. In fact, I still remembered the moments when she asked about Mari and the recital. But I always avoided such questions and gave her answers that vaguely said anything, just to put the topic to rest.

Perhaps she is right. I never truly trusted her in the end.

"…"

No, that was not exactly it. Seeing her talk about her worries, the things that bothered her mind, how could I bring it in me to share with her my own problems? Everyone has their own to deal with: Mom and Dad with their day-to-day work, Mari with her school work and the recital. Was it selfish of me to not burden her with even more baggage? If she knew of my struggles, what then? Will my inadequate skills improve overnight? Will that make Mari satisfied with my performance?

Absolutely not. The only thing it would do was make her even more worried.

And even now, my wish remains the same.

"…"

It kills me to see her being so concerned and worried about my mishaps. Her life is hard enough as it is, and so I say enough. No one should ever be dragged into my own mess, and today was nothing but an example of that. Even in moments of joy, my mistakes always find a way to drag me back. Why could she not realise this? After seeing all that, does she really want to mingle with someone that will bring nothing but nuisance into her life? Just remembering it is enough to send me to the edge. All the hard work over this past year amounted to nothing, and in the end, I am still as weak as I was back then.

Someone this spineless, held back by glaring flaws could never take care of anyone, let alone himself. 

"…"

Though my heart aches, though it screams in agony, wanting to be heard, I must not pay it any mind. I must close it, and seal it as tight as possible. No matter how bad it feels…

No matter how awful it gets.

No matter how much I want to tell her.

I must steel my heart. This is how it should have been…

…

…right?

It feels like my entire consciousness is refusing to listen to reason, like a child throwing a temper tantrum. All I want is for Aubrey to be happy, and this is the only logical way to achieve so…

…and yet, I cannot help but feel like it is not.

Humans become satisfied when they achieve something that they desire. A gift, a promotion, a personal achievement—this is the basis of human emotion, no matter what age.

Then, if this is truly what I want, what could be the reason for this guilt?

…

What do I really want?

A loud, sharp noise from the sliding door marks the end of the ride. Aubrey gets up from her seat, and I then follow suit. It is not my station, but the very least I could do is to make sure she gets home safely. Since there is no bus that takes us immediately to Faraway, we have no choice but to take transit.

"This is your station?" She asks.

"No," I reply.

"Then, why drop here?"

"…just to make sure you board the right bus." I give a vague reply.

"I'm not a kid, you know. Pretty sure I can take care of myself," Aubrey lightly chuckles, before shaking her head, heaving a soft sigh. "Still, I appreciate the concern."

…

The sun begins to fall down. No one is there at the station, save for us both. Sounds of leaves can be heard rustling by the blowing wind. At times like this, I wish the place is a bit noisier; perfect for distracting one's mind from things.

"We're at the end of May, correct?"

Aubrey suddenly starts to speak. I turn to look at her. "Yes. June's coming."

"And we're just inches away from graduating. Time sure flies, huh?" The pink-haired girl gives out a light chuckle. "Can you believe it? Me, of all people, is going to pass high school? After everything I did, this is not how I saw myself ending up, back then. Guess the story took a sudden shift midway, huh?"

Even if my tongue does not utter a word, I find myself sharing the same sentiment with her. Reality sure can be stranger than fiction.

"So, uh, do you already have a plan for the future?" The girl asks me another question.

I blink once, before shrugging my shoulders. "I don't know. Haven't thought about it, yet."

That statement is not exactly true. I did think about it once in a while, though, one might say I am merely following what others are saying since this period is considered to be the pivotal moment of one's life. Having said all that, deciding one's profession can be quite scary. I mean, you are deciding what you are going to do for the rest of your life. It is not as easy as thinking of your next meal or choosing which game to play next.

"How about you?" I throw back the question at her.

Aubrey turns silent for a moment, recollecting her thoughts. "I'm not so sure myself. But leaving Faraway is my number one thing to do. After that, I haven't decided yet. Maybe find a new job…start over, you know. Although getting into college would be nice, I wouldn't exactly bet on it."

This an answer which may surprise some, but not me. Knowing Aubrey, it is only inevitable that she leaves the small town and searches for other opportunities.

"I'm sure you already knew of Kel and Basil. Seems like those two already had plans in mind. Heh, wouldn't it be funny if Hero returns during the holidays and finds out everyone's no longer there?"

The girl laughs yet again. It seems like what happened today is no longer weighing on her mind. If that is the case, I could not ask for a better outcome.

"Still, I'm going to miss all this. Us hanging out together, fooling around at Gino's, and whatnot. Things are only getting busier from here on. I don't know if we'll even have the time to do stuff like this again..."

I silently agree with her. With everyone going on their separate ways, it will be harder to stay in contact. Sure, the city is only a few bus stations away, but we are no longer neighbours. It is not as convenient as knocking on their front door whenever we like. Even with things such as phone numbers, it does not feel the same as meeting face-to-face.

I will be seeing less of Kel.

I will be seeing less of Basil.

And I will be seeing less of…

"…"

I…I could not finish that thought.

"Hey, about what I said earlier…" Hearing those words makes me tense up. Aubrey lifts her hand as if to say something, but she suddenly stops, and her face shows hesitation. "…just, forget about it, okay?" She retreats her hand, awkwardly scratching her cheek. "I really wish I could help you, but there are some things you just have to keep secrets from. Even with friends, am I right?" She then ends with a small laugh, probably trying to ease up the mood.

"…"

"But you will be fine, Sunny. These past two years, you have totally turned your life around. I mean, just look at you, now! Really looking like you do belong in the city. And..."

Aubrey's voice is muffled. Everything comes into a blur and once again, I find myself staring at the girl right beside me.

My childhood friend.

One of my best friends.

My first love.

...

I love Aubrey. I really do, from the bottom of my heart. What is there to say about her that I have not? She is pretty, strong and always sticks to her values. The way her cheeks glow red when she is embarrassed is adorable, her small smile and how she tries to hide it when people point it out. People may call her rude, brash, quick to temper; a bad person to hang out with, overall. While she may be rough on the edges, never once did it ever bother me. Because I know, deep down she is still that kind-hearted girl who we met on the walkway. She is still that sweet girl who patiently waited for me at the swings. All the times we spent together—from the loud, hectic laughter at Gino's, to the calm, peaceful afternoons on the swings; I never regret any single one of it, and will never trade these precious memories with anything else.

I am proud of myself for falling in love with her.

Which is why I…

I…

…

I cannot tell her how I feel.

It hurts, like someone tearing my heart apart like a flimsy piece of paper. So much so I could fall to my knees and scream till blood comes spilling out.

To love someone is to protect them. To love someone is to make them the happiest they have ever been. To love someone is to make sure they never shed a single tear again.

I cannot give that to her. My flaws, my imperfections, and my incompetence will make her worry. The scars that tainted me will never leave, and they would be nothing but a hindrance, an obstacle for her to face, or even worse, a way to hurt her.

Is that what you call love? Is that what you call affection?

No. It is nothing but selfishness, a way to dump my problems onto someone else.

If I could not protect her from my own flaws…if I do not know how to love her…

Then, I have no choice but to leave her be.

"…"

"…"

"…"

From the distance, a huge vehicle is approaching our way, with familiar numbers displayed on top. Aubrey notices it. "Oh, looks like the bus has arrived." She points out.

...

But…

Saying it is one thing, but doing it is an entire thing altogether.

And right now, seeing Aubrey getting ready to leave, after what may be our last time together…

Our last time seeing each other…

I…could not accept that.

"I should get going, then. Thank you for today, Sunny. I...really enjoy today, walking around with you."

Static noise clouds my mind. Two voices are screaming at me, forcing me to make a choice.

Be honest with her. Or leave her be.

My happiness, or hers.

Time continues to tick, and Aubrey is slowly moving away from my grasp. What am I supposed to do!? My feelings and my desires would burden her to no end. History can never be rewritten and my mistakes will weigh her down.

There is no happiness walking down this path!

"I want to be there for you…or maybe, you don't trust me enough…"

"You were, and still are, our friend. Best friend, even! Don't you trust us?"

Trust…

"You are a good person, Sunny. I knew I could trust you."

"…it's good that you trust us enough to share something so personal…"

The talk I had with Kel.

The moment I shared with Basil.

The time I showed Rudy and Rowan my scar.

And the moment I told my friends everything.

They all had something in common.

And that is…

The bus is right in front of us. Aubrey looks at me one last time, sadness lingering in her eyes. "Well, be seeing you."

Is this how it really ends? Is this really the ending that I wanted?

"Thank you, Sunny. For everything." With a final wave, Aubrey—

"—Wait!"

Emotions take over.

I am blinded by my own feelings.

I can hear my heartbeat drumming in my ears, as my hand moves in to grab hers.

Indeed, this hand that ruined the lives of those who I called friends…

This hand that hurt the girl I cared about the most…

This hand that took my only sister away from me…

And right now, this hand is clutching onto the girl I love.

All in the name of selfishness.

"…Sunny?" She gasps. And still, my hand refuses to let go.

"I have a feeling…if I don't do this…" My voice shakes as I force my good eye to look at her. "I'm going to lose you."

Aubrey is left speechless. Her eyes widen in shock, as she remains frozen.

…

The wind blows.

Aubrey's pink hair is swaying softly.

The bus driver is urging her to hurry up.

And all I could think about are the words I am about to say.

"There is something I want to tell you."

Even if it will worry her.

Even if it will burden her.

"Aubrey, I…"

...

...

...

...

...

Ah...I truly am the worst.

The bus that is meant for Aubrey drives away from the station, leaving only a trail of smoke.

Vivid colours paint the world orange. 

As my voice, filled with overflowing emotions, echoes through the skies.

"…I like you."

Chapter Text

The heart is like an unreasonable child.

Selfish. Loves to rebel. When they want something, they will make sure others hear of it.

And because it lacks self-control, it covers its mouth.

The next thing you know, it has forgotten how to speak.

But…

…

…

…

Right now…

"I like you."

They always say feelings are concepts hard to grasp. Love, hate, sadness, joy.

The language of the heart.

Is it because they are unseen things that make them so complicated to grasp? Frankly, I am not someone who understands it, let alone excel in it.

"…"

Aubrey's lips tremble, her words are voiceless, as if someone has stolen her breath away.

At the time, why did I say that?

Some people out there, when faced with an uncertain girl might be able to say, 'Only as a friend, nothing more!' and put up with it. After all, misunderstandings can be a problem down the line.

But me? I don't have it in me.

"Sunny?" Her voice returns. "…w-what do you—"

"—It's true, I really like you!"

Perhaps my feelings have blinded me completely, making me spout stuff without giving it a second thought. Maybe all reason has been thrown out of the window, leaving only these innate desires.

"Not only as a friend…but as a girl."

But whatever it is, there is no doubt of its sincerity.

Indeed, this is not Sunny Suzuki, the murderer who is speaking.

Nor Sunny Suzuki, a once shut-in.

Even Sunny Suzuki, the boy who once abandoned those he cared about dearly.

No, perhaps it is more accurate to say that all of them are speaking simultaneously.

Amalgamated into one being:

Sunny Suzuki, the boy who wants to live.

The boy who wants to love.

"It's true, Aubrey. This is how I really feel…"

But how can someone like that deserves love, when he has done so much?

"…which is why I cannot be with you."

I wish I knew the answer. I wish anyone know the answer.

Could it be you?

Aubrey…

Are you the one that can answer this dilemma?

If I show you my everything…

My flaws…my mistakes…my weaknesses…

Will you still want to be my friend?

Will you still be there for me when I feel like I have lost everything?

Will you still love me when I find it hard to even love myself?

"Sunny, what are you talking about?" The girl before me moves forward. With a look of shock of disbelief, she says, "Why are you—"

"Please!" My feet take a step back, not in fear but to hold my ground. "I have so much to say and I need you to listen…"

"…"

Her words ring in the chambers of my mind. Of how she claimed to be selfish back then.

If that is the case, then in her terms…

Allow me to be selfish, too.

…

"You know, when I first moved into the city, it wasn't always smooth sailing. My mom thought that getting a fresh new start would be good for me, and while she was right about that, getting there wasn't as easy as I imagined. Seeing new faces, people who are the same age as us, I realise how left behind I am in many things. Things many deem as basic skills are the ones I severely lack."

I almost have to hold in a chuckle. It is funny to hear myself talk this much. Given a choice, I would rather sit behind and let others do the talking. Being the centre of attention, and making sure people understand what you are trying to convey. It is a tiring task and simply not suitable for someone like me.

"On that day, when we both met at the graveyard, something began to stir within me. That familiar heat in my heart, the similar palpitations I used to have long ago, feelings that I once thought were gone came back to me as if it has always been there…"

As I ponder about my next set of words, Aubrey suddenly cuts in, and her face flares with a small bit of red. "W-Wait, are you trying to say…"

"Yeah. I've always liked you ever since we were kids." My left hand unconsciously rubs the back of my head. "You didn't realise it?"

"Well, I only had a hunch but I wasn't exactly sure…"

"Huh. Guessed I hid it pretty well." I say, followed by a small chuckle escaping my lips.

Again, this all feels surreal to me. There is nothing to laugh about, yet here I am, trying to hold in this laughter slowly leaking out. But it is not one out of humour, but of relief instead. Like lying my body on the warm sand, feeling the cold waves washing my body away from worries. Aubrey is there in front of me, her pink hair illuminated by the orange colour of the falling sun. Her eyes look straight at me, giving full attention. It may be nerve-wracking to some, like standing on a stage before an audience, but it is not fear that I feel. Her eyes give me a look of care and understanding, not one of judgement.

It is so comforting, making me want to let these walls down and share with her my everything: the ups and downs of life, the joy and pain that I went through.

"I…wanted to act on these feelings. But four years is not a short time. How can I be there for you, when there is so much left to learn? How can someone like me stand by your side, when I am yet to grow up as a person? I thought it was impossible at first…"

For a moment, everything begins to shift. It feels like we are no longer in the bus station but sitting on the old, familiar swings back in Faraway. Aubrey's cyan ribbon is replaced with her favourite pink bow and I can almost feel my missing right eye. A normal after-school evening when everyone is busy, leaving us both alone.

Only this time, Aubrey is the one listening. And I am the one talking.

With each syllable my tongue produces, my shoulders feel somewhat lighter, as if someone has been lifting away this weight that I have been unknowingly carrying for so long. For hours, I talk. And for hours, she listens.

On that day, had I told her everything, will things be different somehow?

"…but throughout these months, I have learned so many things, and met so many people. Those who gave me hope kept on pushing me forward whether I like it or not, made me believe that even someone like me can change for the better." I can feel my hand clutching my shirt, feeling the weight of my words. "Aubrey, the times we spent together, the laughter we shared are all so precious to me. Before I realise it, I began to hold on to these memories, not wanting to let go. So much so that I started to think, how wonderful would it be if every day is like this."

"I wanted to change. Someone strong and independent, free from any sort of flaws. A perfect version of myself, so that one day, I can proudly stand by your side. That is who I aspired to be, and I thought I already became that person. But…"

The grip I had on my clothes slowly loosen, as my hand falls back to the side. Her scar vividly flashes in my mind. "…nothing changed. No matter what I do, these flaws will always weigh me down, and I will always be a burden to everyone. Even you, Aubrey. To think I could ever change and become a better person, just how stupid can I be?" A solemn sigh is added to end this long monologue of mine.

…

I…said it.

I really said it. What looked like a huge mountain to hurdle, I now find myself standing on top. Not basking in glory but being weighed down by shame. The ugliness is now shown, all for Aubrey to see. What happens next, I do not know. Maybe the girl will finally see why these feelings should never be—

"You think that's stupid? What you're saying right now is even more stupid!"

Aubrey's sudden sharp voice catches me by surprise. Before I could properly address it, she has already invaded my personal space, her glaring eyes being a few centimetres away. "Nothing changed? Are you even listening to yourself!? Look at how you were two years ago and the way you are now and tell me nothing changed."

Her words are filled with pent-up anger and I find myself slowly raising my voice. "No, you're wrong. If I have truly changed, then what happened today would never happen."

The surge of emotions within me as I held her arm, those painful words she said years ago, my reaction shortly after—all these months of 'progress' and I still chose to hide in a small corner, running away. How could she not see such an obvious sign?

And yet, the girl still remains in disbelief. "Sunny, this scar on my arm, you cannot erase it." She brings her arm up, showing the scar as if to make a statement. "What's done is done, but that doesn't mean you're still the way you were!"

"No, you don't get it!"

 Logic is slowly seeping away from my brain. Doubts, second thoughts; none of that exists any longer. One could even say that my words right now are as pure as a naïve child. And like a child, it cannot be reasoned with.

"I've spent all these months to be a better man, to fix all these mistakes that I've done and to be perfect. All that effort, and for what? A little scar is enough to throw me into disarray, so what's the point? Just admit it, Aubrey. In the end, I'm still a coward as I was years ago. It's just who I am…"

My throat begins to hurt, and I can feel my eyelid starts to water. This is so laughably pathetic but it is all I have left to offer. I wish I could give her kindness, safety, comfort; all the things that make her happy. But with these hands stained with blood…

These hands that took but never gave…

How could I give her anything?

"…"

Aubrey still maintains her glare at me, showing off an austere look. "So, you think you haven't changed, huh?" She says so with a stern voice. "Then, by your logic, I'm still a horrible person, aren't I?"

"What? No, that's not what I'm…"

"Why not?" She retorts. "I've hurt many people before, did stupid mistakes, and even bullied one of my dear friends. Doesn't that make me a bad person, too?"

"What you did is nothing compared to mine." I fight back, trying to hold in the anger pulsing through my veins.

"You know damn well that's not what I meant." But Aubrey shows no signs of backing away. At this rate, we are both going to be at each other's throats, as both parties stubbornly refuse to give in. "Listen, Sunny. Like it or not, we are going to make mistakes. It will always be a part of us. You want to know why?"

Her hands move to grip my shoulders, forcing me to look her in the eye. "Because no one is perfect. Not you, me, even Mari. There is no such thing as a perfect human, so trying to be one is stupid. But from those mistakes we learn, improve, and try to be better than our yesterdays. And even after that we will fall again, and learn again. Isn't that what it means to live?"

"…"

It is only now I realise how powerful words are. It can drive men to their deaths, but also give hope to an already hopeless heart. I feel like I have been floating inside a really deep well, surrounded by darkness and now, a shimmering ray of light shines from far above. And like a helpless child, I foolishly try to reach it, thinking that perhaps, there is a way out of this.

But…

"E-Even so…" My tongue stumbles upon itself, as I try to grasp any tangible thing to say, much like a drowning person helplessly reaches for air. "What's the point if my mistakes will hurt others? You saw what happened today. It was only a small scar, but what if it becomes something worse?"

All the possibilities flash through my mind like a film.

"What if I leave you again when you need me the most? What if I hurt you again, just like back then? What if I'm not strong enough to be by your side when things get too much to handle?"

Why could she not understand this simple thing? Is she purposefully blinding herself to the truth, and simply leaving it all to chance?

"Can't you see? I don't want to hurt you, Aubrey. After everything I put you through, you deserve someone much better. Someone who will never burden you, and will always be by your side. I can't give that to you. I want to, believe me, but I just…can't."

Words of desperation. That is the only thing I could cough out. Fate is such a sick, twisted being. If only I never did the things I did, then we both will not be having this conversation. Perhaps, there is another world where Aubrey and I are happily together, both free from the shackles of my sins. Where Mari is still here with us, and our group are just a normal bunch of kids, going on our everyday lives.

"…"

Why must we suffer this way?

Aubrey goes silent. I turn my head away, not having the courage to face her. How could I, after saying such petty words?

"Sunny, tell me something."

"…"

She continues. "Do you want to hurt me?"

Her question feels like a punch to the gut. "W-What are you…"

"Answer me." Her grip on my shoulders remains firm. "Do you?"

"Of course not!"

"But from the way you talk, it sounds like you're expecting these things to happen."

 I feel a lump of air stuck in my throat. "N-No! I don't want to hurt you, which is why I'm doing all this."

"Did someone tell you of the future? That you really are going to hurt me?"

I could not answer.

 "How do you know that you're going to do all that?" She asks with a commanding voice.

"I…don't know."

"How can you say for certain?"

"I don't know! I'm just…scared."

"And that is enough to make you stop trying?" Her voice roars with anger. "You're just giving excuses at this point!"

"…"

Shame pushes my head to the ground. I wish I could disappear right now, simply forgotten by everyone.

"Sunny." Once more, the girl mentions my name, only this time, her voice slowly softens. "What are you afraid of?"

I decide to answer her honestly. No point in taking care of dignity when so little is left. "The future. I'm afraid of myself."

Is it weird for me to be afraid of the future? They said that the possibilities are endless and that is a good thing. But those 'possibilities' consists of both good and bad. If there is a slight chance that my actions may bring harm to those I care about, then why take the risk? It would be safer to avoid it completely, bringing the chance down to zero.

"Aubrey, aren't you afraid?" I raise a question. The girl is not stupid; she must be aware of the challenges should we go down this road.

"Of course, I'm afraid."

An obvious answer. But then, she continues: "But we can't let it rule us forever."

I remain quiet, expecting her to say more. "You're not wrong in being afraid. In fact, I'm sure everyone has that little fear in them. A chef cooking food for the customers, a bus driver responsible for many lives, and a writer making a comic people may or may not like. Hell, yesterday before I gave you a call, I was worried about whether you will be available today. There will always be fear that things may not go well, but we have to go for it anyway. Or else, nothing can ever be achieved.

"…"

I am still in that deep well. The light has gone brighter, so bright it gives me an illusion that this well may not be as deep as I thought it was. Maybe, if I reach my hand out, someone will take it and pull me out of this darkness.

But…

"I…"

Once you grew accustomed to the darkness, you began to call it home. And now, the light has become foreign to your eyes.

Call me stubborn, but the risk is simply too high. The bad outweighs the good, and I will never forgive myself if things turn out badly. For her sake, I need to stay away from her.

"I'm sorry, Aubrey." I shake my head in denial. "But I…I can't accept all this. I know I'm running away, but I just…I just…"

"DAMMIT, SUNNY! STOP BEING STUBBORN AND LISTEN FOR ONCE!"

Her shouting rings in my eardrums. Seething with frustration, the girl gets close and grabs the collar of my shirt.

"You're the one being stubborn! Why do you keep insisting that things will be okay when they definitely won't?" Even I find myself raising my voice, ignoring the growing pain in my throat.

"Because the person in front of me right now is acting unbelievably stupid! Why won't you put more trust in yourself?"

"Why do you care, anyway?" I shift my weight onto my left leg, as I force my body to lean forward, trying to fight back. "No matter what you say, I will only end up as a burden. You will never be happy!"

"You idiot!" Aubrey cries. "Who are you to decide how I'm supposed to be happy? Do you really think there's no happiness going down this path? Well, too bad. Because I believe there is!"

"…"

"…"

Her words put me into a stump. For a moment, I thought it was a mere bluff, a way to calm the brewing storm. "Wait, are you…"

But the look in her eyes, as her cyan contacts shine under the vivid sunset says it all. It glows with sincerity as they both bore into my very own. They say the eyes are the windows to one's soul, and right now, the girl has laid down everything before me. I should have expected this, Aubrey has always been honest with herself. Perhaps, that is why I find myself attracted to her. Even now, amidst this whirlwind of emotions, I cannot help but be in awe of her beauty.

The girl steps back, heaving a ragged sigh. "Look, Sunny. I…don't want to be pushy. And like I said, at the end of the day, it's still your choice. But before that, I want to know something. After that, it's all up to you."

The wind blows again, feeling a soft chill going through my body, as both Aubrey and I look at each other. I feel anxiety creeping up as I wait for her next words. "You always talked about my happiness, but what about you? What about your happiness? You said how you're doing all this for my sake, but is that really the truth?"

"I…"

I find myself tongue-tied. A simple question, yet I do not know the answer to it. "What is it that you wish for? And please, forget morals, forget the future, forget what is right or what is wrong—just forget everything. Do that, and answer me honestly."

"What do you really want?"

"…"

Ah, there it is again. The question that has been bugging me these past two years. In moments where I was forced to make a decision, it always appears.

When Mom asked me about my decision to visit Faraway.

When I reunited with Aubrey again at the graveyard.

When I am faced with doubt, right before entering Kel's house.

When I came clean to my new friends about my past.

And today, when it kept pestering me to no end, asking me the same thing.

What do you want?

"I…"

What do I really want?

The evening day is quiet. A few cars are passing by, busying an otherwise empty road.

Forget morals…

Birds are chirping, as the sun slowly sets down.

Forget the future…

Though the summer heat is still there, I do not mind it. Though I can feel a trail of sweat rolling down my neck, I do not mind it.

Forget what is right…

A small breeze every now and then cools down the city. It rustles my black hair, much like a mother lovingly playing with her child's head.

Forget what is wrong…

The orange skies, the green leaves, the tall buildings from the distance. It is beautiful, all of it.

Forget everything…

And at the centre of it, lies a girl who I knew so well. Her silky, long pink hair. Her pretty eyes. Her beautiful figure. She steals the spotlight effortlessly as if it is second nature to her.

And I, helpless as always, cannot help but gaze at her, charmed by her beauty.

How could I ever forget her?

The girl that always stands proud.

The girl that always sticks to her true self.

The girl who pushes me forward, whether I like it or not.

The girl who keeps pulling me back up, no matter how much I resist.

Beautiful. Stubborn. Elegant. Blunt. Strong. Weak. Endearing. Annoying.

How can I forget someone like her? Even if I do, she always comes back, making me remember.

"…"

Once more, it asks.

Once more, it echoes.

What do you really want?

I…

I want to be her boyfriend.

I want to be her lover.

I want to bring her close.

I want to hug her tight and never let go.

I want to hold her face gently.

I want to be lost in her alluring eyes.

I want to kiss her.

I want to feel the soft touch of her skin.

I want to play with her beautiful hair.

I want to whisper soft things in her ear.

I want to go out with her.

I want to go on many dates with her.

I want to create many memories with her.

I want to be a shoulder for her to cry.

I want to lean on her shoulder when I cry.

I want to comfort her when she is sad.

I want her to pull me close when I feel sad.

I want to support her in any way I can.

I want to share the pain she is carrying.

I want to build a future with her.

I want to start a family with her.

I want to have beautiful children with her.

I want to grow old with her.

I want…to take care of her.

I want…to protect her.

I want…to always be with her.

I want…to love her.

I want…

…

"…you."

"Sunny?"

The heart is like an unreasonable child.

Selfish. Loves to rebel. When they want something, they will make sure others hear of it.

And because it lacks self-control, it covers its mouth.

The next thing you know, it has forgotten how to speak.

But right now…

It is screaming as if it wants the whole world to hear.

"I WANT YOU!!!"

Everything moves in an instant.

The world as I knew was preparing itself for the night, as the orange slowly darkens into a starless black.

But now, it has turned pink.

The world has turned pink.

My vision is flooded with pink.

And it is warm, so warm I can feel myself melting in it.

Ah, I might fall asleep if I let my guard down.

That is how warm it feels.

…

Aubrey's hug…feels wonderful.

The moment I say those words, I can feel my hand being grabbed and pulled in close. Aubrey's arms are now wrapping around my entire figure, as my feelings echo through the heavens above.

"See? That wasn't so hard now, was it?"

Her voice is soft, so soft it is enough to put me at ease, as I feel my good eye begins to well with tears.

"You always put others above yourself, thinking what’s best for them, and that’s what I like about you. "

Ah, this is no good. Aubrey's warm touch as she pats my back, her fingers gently tugging my clothes. I might not be able to hold it in any longer…

"But can’t you respect me enough to make my own decision? I know the road ahead may be bumpy, but I believe we can face them together. If you find yourself down, I'll pull you back up. If you go astray, I'll guide you back.”

She tightens her hug as her warmth slowly overwhelms me. Her fingers trail upwards, now slowly rubbing the back of my head.

"Isn’t it about time somebody saved your life?"

Both my hands are slowly raised, wanting to embrace her, and yet, a small moment of hesitation is still holding me back. I…

"Go ahead. Hold me."

It feels like a dam had broken. I hold her close, much like a child not wanting to let their toy away. With each second her hand strokes my back, my muffled sobs become louder and louder. Today, where I feared tears of guilt and regret are going to be shed, have been changed to ones of happiness and joy.

That finally, after so long the heart is allowed to talk. To feel. To fall in love.

After what feels like an eternity of bliss, both Aubrey and I slowly move away from our hug, though we still remain within arms' reach, as if we are both not willing to let the other go.

She gazes into my eye, while I gaze into hers. How wonderful would it be if we could spend the rest of the day like this, helplessly getting lost in each other's eyes. Aubrey then lets out a small giggle, breaking our sweet silence. "What's so funny?" I ask.

"Oh, nothing. It's just, I guess I have to give you my answer, huh?" It does not take long for me to realise what she is talking about. Even though I didn't say the exact words, technically, I did confess to her. It is only natural for Aubrey to give her answer, though, at this point, I already knew her exact feelings.

The girl taps her finger on her chin, putting on her thinking face. "But, since you didn't say it normally, I'm just going to use your words instead!" Without wasting any time, her fingers move in to hold my face, and my eye sees nothing but the girl before me.

With a voice that could melt the coldest hearts, she announces: "I want you too, Sunny."

Right before I could say anything, the sudden warm sensation from my lips shuts my entire brain down.

Again, everything moves in a blink of an eye. And when the rush comes to an end, the last thing my brain could register is Aubrey's hot breath hitting my face as she moves away, looking at me with sultry eyes. It all happens in a flash as if life itself is not letting me enjoy the sweetness of her lips, as I am now left in a daze after her sudden kiss.

My first kiss…and its taste has already been lost in me. At this point, could one even call it a kiss?

"Oh, sorry! Um, I didn't mean to jump on you so suddenly. It's just that, um, I've been dreaming of this for so long, and your face is pretty close, so I…"

The girl is saying something gibberish, and yet at the back of my head, all I could think about is the sheer utter disappointment in myself. Aubrey's taste, the softness of her lips, the intimacy—all gone, lost to time. If people ask me one day about my first kiss, and all I could say is:

"It happens too fast I forgot about it. Whoops, my bad."

Isn't that a lame answer to give?

I have gotten angry about petty things, but this one is justified. I am not letting this moment go to waste. If there is a way to erase that kiss like it never happened, then I will take it in a heartbeat.

"…but you know, some people do actually like it when their partner takes them by surprise. But then again, everyone is different, so I should've asked you about it, first. Again, I'm very sorry—"

"Aubrey."

"Y-Yes!?" The girl lets out a squeak. My face feels all hot and bothered as I sternly look at her, deciding on my next words. It is embarrassing to ask her a very bold request, right after we confessed and all.

But right now, Aubrey is my girlfriend, is she not?

"About that kiss…" As I begin, my hands move in to grab hers, clasping together. "…can we do it again?"

"Wha…!?" She lets out a gasp. Her face flares with a bright red, perhaps brighter than her hair colour, as her eyes wildly dart left and right. So cute.

With our hands still remain intertwined, I can feel my heart pulsating loudly, as I patiently wait for her answer. No matter what, I do not want to forget this moment, ever. Even if I am to disappear right after, it will be worth it to have this be the last thing I do.

"W-Well, I guess it's okay…" The girl looks at me bashfully, giving me the answer that I have been waiting for.

I swallow a gulp as my trembling hands raise to cup her face, enjoying the softness of her cheeks. Our face inches closer and my heartbeat is so loud I can hear it thumping in my ears. Her beautiful cyan contacts, and her warm breath landing on my face as we both move closer and closer.

"…"

"…"

Our lips meet each other once more. Everything begins to freeze, allowing us to have this moment for ourselves. All our worries, our anxiety, and our pain are washed away by this growing feeling of love and comfort. Nothing else matters, save for her and me.

It is awkward. Messy, even. Just what I expect from my first kiss. Yet the fact that it is my first makes it even more special. Even better when this kiss I am sharing is with none other than my childhood crush. The girl who I adored ever since we were kids. The girl who accompanied me in my sweet dreams. The girl who I unfortunately hurt, yet still accepted me with loving arms. The girl who vows to stay by my side, and helps me should I astray.

The girl who I once, now, and forever love.

I snake my arms around her waist, pulling her close to me, craving the warmth of her body. Her hands softly caress my biceps, as we both bathe in this intimacy between us.

If only this moment would last forever…

As much as I relent to, we finally break away from the kiss, catching up our breaths. I take a good look at Aubrey's face, admiring the deepening blush she is having. The sweet little smile she has, and the little giggles that escape from her alluring lips never fail to make my heart skip a beat. Her beautiful eyes were so dazzling, so enticing.

"D-Don't just stare at me like that! Say something..." Her voice pulls me out of my little daydream. Letting out a small laugh as well, I gently rest my forehead on hers, wanting to admire her beauty closer. Weird as it may be, my heart is still trying to accept the fact we both actually…did it. What once was only but a silly dream, a childish fantasy has now become a reality. It took us long, long years, but under the evening sun, we finally allow ourselves to forgive. To comfort. To accept.

To love.

I swear to myself, that as long as I am allowed to breathe on this earth, I will never, ever forget this feeling.

It has been minutes since then, and both Aubrey and I are sitting beside each other, silently enjoying each other's presence. Never would I have thought today would end in such a fashion. From going at each other's throats to lovingly embracing each other. Emotions are all over the place, going high and low, much like riding a roller-coaster. It is certainly a day to be remembered.

Aubrey nudges my arm, saying: "You know, I was actually going to confess to you, today."

That took me by surprise. "You were?"

She nods her head. "I even had it all planned out. But then, you were acting rather cold, so I thought that the time wasn't right…"

The way I treated her today was nothing short but rude, no matter what excuses I had. Even knowing that I still remained stubborn, all in the name of protecting her. If only there was a way to go back in time and slap some sense into my past self. "I'm sorry for being rude to you, today. I should've talked to you about it."

"You sure do." She raises a small grin, before leaning into me, resting her head on my shoulder. “But it doesn't matter, now."

I sigh in relief. "Yeah…"

"Although, you do make me miss my bus."

Her words hit right in the heart. Amidst all the rush of emotions, I did keep her from going back home, regrettably. "I'm sorry…"

"Hey, don't worry about it. It's all worth it in the end, no?" Aubrey tries to comfort me, before letting out a cheery laugh. "Still, you do have to take responsibility for this…" says the girl with a sly grin on her face.

…

An idea suddenly forms in my mind. 

We are right now at the bus station, waiting for Aubrey's next bus to take her back home. My good eye starts to look around. The day darkens, and who knows how long till her bus arrives. One important rule to learn is that being alone in the city, especially at night is an invitation to trouble.

And even if her bus does come, that would mean Aubrey and I are going to be separated again.

After I poured my heart out to her, after we both shared a kiss together, only to end up with us both going our separate ways…

That kind of ending…does not leave a good taste in my mouth.

"Hey, Aubrey." I look at the girl who I fell for. "It's getting late, huh…"

"Yeah," She sighs. "I sure hope one will come soon."

I ponder over my words. My hands are sweating, and the palpitations grow louder as I force myself to keep on pushing. "Um, if you want…"

"…you can stay at my place."

Chapter Text

"…you can stay at my place."

"…"

A balloon will eventually pop if too much air is pumped in. A student could not study non-stop or else their brain will not keep up. If Aubrey has to describe it, her brain right now is similar to seeing a car lightly hitting a lamp post before it suddenly falls and hits the electric cables, causing a huge eruption.

"…"

Poor girl has to remind herself to breathe. What she heard a moment ago was just the wind, right? A fluke, maybe? Perhaps her ears are playing tricks on her again; yes, that has to be it. Today has been a long roller-coaster ride, so her brain might be reaching its breaking point, making her hear things. After all, there is no way Sunny would say something like that. She likes to believe that is the case, but seeing the way he has been acting today, she would not dare put it past him. This must be one of the rare cases where he is pulling her leg. The boy might look like that but he does have a few tricks under his sleeves.

But that serious, unfazed look on his face says otherwise…

"…you can stay at my place."

She could not believe this. Sunny—that Sunny, actually said something so…dauntless.

"You…you really…pfft…"

A loud, sharp noise pangs in her brain, like a glass being shattered. One could even say she has reached her breaking point. Aubrey's body suddenly shakes akin to a person being possessed as she feebly tries to stifle her laughter. "I can't believe you…you actually said that…hahaha…"

The way she is cackling right now even starts to resemble Kel. Even knowing all that, she would not stop giggling, kicking the air like a little girl hearing a stupid joke. Is it because of the humour in his words? Or relief that he finally opens up to her after so long? Happiness that after years of waiting, he is finally her—

"What are you laughing about? I'm being serious here!" The boy looks offended at first, giving out a small pout whilst crossing his arms. "If you don't want to, then fine." He puffs out.

"Wait, wait," Aubrey clutches her gut in pain. "I'm just surprised hearing that coming from you of all people, that's all. Hah…" She explains while catching her breath.

"Did I say something weird?"

"No, it's not that…" Her index finger lightly scratches her cheek, wondering how to explain it to him. But not long after, Sunny suddenly clears his throat before turning his face away. "So, uh, do you…want to stay here?" asks the boy bashfully.

He looks so cute trying to act all cool and not embarrassed. Though, seeing him blushing like that is starting to make her face feel all hot too. "W-Why not? Better than renting a motel room, anyway."

Not to mention she was planning to visit his apartment one day, but she decides to keep that reason to herself.

"But still, I'm surprised…" An opportunity presents itself and Aubrey is certain to not let it slip away as she brings her face closer to his, showing off a sultry look. "Asking a girl to come to your place right after confessing. That's quite greedy of you, Sunny~" The smitten girl continues to tease the smitten boy, playfully bumping her shoulder with his. Oh, how she loves to see him trying so hard to contain that growing blush. "At least, take me to dinner first."

"…"

"…eh?"

Sunny suddenly tenses. His good eye is open wide as if he just received a message from the skies before turning his face towards her.

"WAIT, I WAS JOKING. DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY!"

A ten-minute ride is all needed for them to finally arrive and step foot inside Sunny's apartment area. A fairly tall building, decorated by balconies with hanging laundries, walls coloured with grey; just like the other dozen buildings in this city, Aubrey thinks to herself. These designers could at least come with a bit of variety, although, seeing a pink building standing in the middle of other grey towers feels much like a fever dream. Aubrey lifts her head towards the skies, mentally counting the countless windows. How does it feel like living on the highest floor, she wonders? No matter how far one may live from the ground, feeling like a king as they sit on the sofa, looking down on others like small ants, that sense of superiority is worthless if their privacy is sacrificed. It must be a sacred thing, considering the number of people here, living under the same roof.

Still, she would kill to have that first-world problem if it means finally living without the stench of tobacco and alcohol clogging up her nostrils.

"Your place is not bad. I kind of like it." The girl says so bluntly. To think she would actually see it with her own two eyes. This tall building that she has been gazing at from her windows in Faraway. On those restless nights when the moon and stars were her only friends, she longingly stared into the far city, wishing to catch a glimpse of a certain black-haired boy, going on with his day-to-day life.

Sunny nods in agreement. "It can get noisy at times and the room is a bit cramped, but I get used to it."

"Huh, tell me about it."

They continue to walk around the area, enjoying the warm bliss of summer air as Sunny gives out bits and pieces about the place. How the elevator here has a weird, yet catchy tune that will stick inside your head, the convenience store not far from here, always has one or two things out of stock, and the small playground never seems to be lacking in children's laughter. Sunny notes how he sometimes goes there at night, sitting on the swings by himself while moon-gazing. A way to find some inspiration, he says. A bit weird, though understandable since she too does it a few times. In contrast to the dreadful, depressing space she called home, the quiet night offers her comfort and peace of mind. She loves being surrounded by its beauty, serenity and mystery.

"The people here mostly keep things to themselves but there are a few friendly enough to greet you, like that one old aunty who lives next door, or the tall foreigner I always bump into at the elevator. His accent is really funny, hehe…"

As he continues with his little story, Aubrey cannot help but notice the slight changes in Sunny's behaviour. Something about the way his lips curl upwards, showing the bits of his teeth, the way his ear cups slightly move upwards when he's laughing, the way his hands animate with such life and vigour as he talks about the mundane things he encountered, easily catches her attention. It reminded her of today when he was gushing about that one game about the moon and masks, losing himself in his own little world. She realises how sweet his voice actually is. It has a certain charm that makes it so soothing to listen to, like sitting beside a campfire, listening to a wise storyteller telling tales and legends of old.

"…"

Before she knew it, a smile slowly creeps itself into her face, as Aubrey longingly gazes at the boy beside her. Indeed, walking with him side by side, listening to him talk for hours and hours brings her so much joy. An old dream she thought she cast aside has finally come to fruition. This is all she ever wanted: a quiet walk in the park with the boy she loves. Perhaps, that is why it irritates her when he brought up how boring he is, or how he never changed. Seriously, the nerve of him to say such nonsense.

"Idiot…"

Sunny suddenly turns to face her, bringing an end to her flowery thoughts. "Aubrey. Er, you've been staring for a while…" he points out, with a hue of crimson coloured across his cheeks.

"E-Eh, I am?" The girl stutters. Somehow, she always ends up fumbling her words whenever they make eye contact. Curse him and his wicked charms.

"Is there something weird on my face?" He asks.

"No, no. You're just imagining things…" She cooks up a reason, and thankfully enough, he seems to not push it any further.

"Okay…we should get moving, then. I want to show you something." Sunny then leads her to a different area, all the while Aubrey maintains her gaze on his face, without him noticing. And with a raspy, wanting voice she murmurs:

"My lips are not on your cheek, that's what's weird…"

What on earth is she thinking about!? Baffled, Aubrey hits her head with her fist, knocking those thoughts away, both literally and figuratively. These 'wishes' of hers have been knocking on her door as of late, and while she does not mind it, there is a time and place for that.

But it all went loose right after that kiss.

Her kiss…with Sunny.

Her Sunny…

"…"

Back in the station, emotions were all over the place. The things he said, the arguments they had, it was all pushing her to the edge. On one hand, she wanted to slap some sense into him for saying audacious stuff, but on the other, her innermost desires were pushing her to yank his arm and pull the boy close. But she could not. After all, she already had so many chances to talk to Sunny, and he rarely intervened. This time, she will be the pillar for him to lean on.

But the moment he shouted it – those three words she have been wanting to hear for so long, everything broke loose. That feeling of Sunny being wrapped in her arms, how warm his body felt, how it shook with uncertainty, the glimmer of hope in his eye, knowing that even someone like him deserves love…

He wanted her? Well, she wanted him more. So much so she ended up smashing her lips onto his without asking him first. Now, she admits it was partially her fault, and pretty embarrassing to think about. But she has been dreaming of this for so long, and Sunny's face is right there for the taking. If anything, it was his fault for being so darn adorable.

"…"

Time moves at a snail's pace. Like a person reaching their hand to grasp the ever-distant moon, Aubrey raises her right hand towards her mouth, her index finger gently rubbing her lips. As if she is trying to remember, to reach for that lingering taste. That sweetness slowly intoxicates her. Lovingly addictive.

Sunny, he…he was so nice. And soft. And gentle.

It felt good. Way too good. And like a spoiled kid, Aubrey cannot help but want more.

The girl balls her hand into a fist, trying to hold in these growing 'desires' inside, and it is getting stronger with each second. Despite her wants, Sunny is his own person with his own boundaries none may cross, and she has to respect them.

But still, it would not hurt to do it at least one more time, right?

Aubrey heaves a heavy sigh. Is this what love can do to a person? She hates it, and yet she craves more.

"This is stupid…"

Aubrey was expecting Sunny to bring her to his apartment room. It has been a while since she last talked to his mom and it would be great to do some catch-up. But when he steers away from the elevator and heads to a secluded area, shielded from the golden sunset, it is enough to raise her eyebrows. Is there more to this little tour guide, she wonders. Maybe there is a path leading to a secret lair underground? That chainsaw comic she bought certainly would agree with her.

Or maybe, the boy has another idea in mind…

"Er, Sunny. Where are you bringing me…?" The girl asks, feeling that small bit of nervousness seeping through. Sunny is not the kind of person to be thinking of that stuff, and it does not fit his more reserved personality. But the fact still remains…

He is a boy.

She is a girl.

And they are both in a hidden area, all by themselves. With no one watching.

Sure, he has been rather bold, but certainly not THAT bold, right?

"Hmm? Oh, right there." The boy looks at her innocently, pointing his finger to a small hut a few metres away. A row of motorcycles and bicycles are messily arranged; all of them are tied to a pole with a lock. "I park my bicycle in that small garage, there. It's a bit dirty, so sorry about that." 

"…"

"…"

Wind blows. Though, she is not sure where it comes from.

"O-Oh, I see. Your bicycle, huh? Hahaha…" The pink-haired girl laughs the awkwardness away whilst cursing herself for overthinking things. Once again, love can make one do things.

But something does not bode well with her. "Is there something you want to show me there?"

Sunny, not stopping in his tracks, continues to head towards his bicycle, pulling up a small key to unlock it. The bike itself looks rather old-fashioned, something old aunts and uncles would prefer. "My bike is not as cool as the others, but it gets the job done. It has a basket at the front and some space at the back, fit for another person." He explains as he pushes the bike out of the hut.

Aubrey, on the other hand, blankly stares at the boy, much like a poet listening to a chemist explaining Boyle's Law. "Okay…"

Is her face not showing her confusion, right now? Because Sunny does not seem to pick it up, as he sits on the bike seat, before looking back at her, saying: "Come on, Aubrey. Let's go."

"…to where, exactly?"

"There's a family restaurant a few miles from here. The food's alright – nothing too fancy, and the price is good enough."

"…"

It took a while before the girl finally understands his real motives. "Hold on, so we're going to have dinner?" She asks, to which the boy bluntly nods his head. "Sunny, you do know I'm joking when I said that, right? I appreciate it and all, but you don't have to go this far." Aubrey tries to reason with him, feeling a bit of guilt inside for forcing him to do something more for her. He must have been exhausted from today's events.

But of course, the boy is not on the same page. "I mean, I was planning to bring you out, anyway. And after what happened today, don't you think we deserve a more…normal date?" He lets out a small chuckle, rubbing the back of his head. "Just think of it as a way for me to make up."

"Even so…"

"And besides," He continues. "My mom doesn't have to cook for one more person. Saves her the trouble, don't you think?"

"Well, if you say so…" The girl eventually gives in. If that is what Sunny thinks, then who is she to disagree? It is not like he is doing this against his will, and she does appreciate some more time with him before crashing at his apartment. And besides, there is some truth to his words. The last two dates they both went on always had a few…mishaps.

Oh well. The third time's the charm like they always say.

Now that she has that out of the way, it is time to address the other matter. "So, we're going there with your bike?"

"Yes." He replies.

"And you want me to sit behind?"

"Er…yes?"

"Is that even allowed?"

"Since when did you start following rules?"

"How rude! I can follow simple rules too, you know!" Aubrey grumbles. "That aside, will you be fine, with me at the back?"

"I'll be alright," Sunny gives a thumbs up, flashing a small smile. "I may not look like it, but I'm pretty strong for this."

Seeing him being all cheery, Aubrey could not help but laugh a little. How can she say no to such a carefree face? "Alright, then. You're the boss." Lightly shaking her head, she walks towards Sunny, before carefully adjusting herself on the seat cushion right behind him. It is a bit small to her liking and far from comfortable, but it will do for now.

"Be careful, okay?"

"Of course. Er, if you want..." Sunny replies before muttering something in a low voice. "…you can like, h-hug me or…"

But his words are loud and clear to the girl behind him, whose face is growing hot. Thankfully, he cannot see the pink blush covering her face. Since when did this boy get so bold, saying lines that could knock a girl from her seat? Asking her to stay at his place, and now this? He needs to slow down!

Or maybe, the fact she cannot see his face right now could be the reason.

"Hmm…" The girl has something on her mind. If that is how he is going to play…

"Okay, if you say so!"

With a cheery voice, she leans forward and latches her body onto his, like a koala clinging onto its favourite tree, eliciting a small gasp from Sunny. A cute reaction, she notices; too bad she cannot enjoy it when the bicycle suddenly loses balance.

"Hey, be careful!" shouts the scared girl.

"Don't just hug me out of nowhere!" shouts the scared boy.

"This is your idea in the first place!"

…

And so, the valiant hero – against all odds, defeats the wicked evil dragon and saves the beautiful princess as they ride together towards the sunset, living happily ever after. Only this time, there is no dragon, and the ride is…not as romantic as one may hope.

"Are you sure you'll be fine?"

"For the last time, Aubrey…huff…yes, I will…huff…"

The courageous Sunny seems to be running out of his breath as his legs pedal with all his might, fighting against this small hill. Aubrey did tell him it was fine if they walk there, but did he listen? Of course, not. But she digresses, it is not like the restaurant itself is far.

…

…

…

Okay, maybe it is a bit far. Still, she stands corrected.

Aubrey looks over at Sunny, who is giving out gallons of sweat enough to use as bathwater. "Are you really sure—"

"Aubrey…"

"Look, I know I'm a bit heavy, and I have been eating a lot recently. There's a new menu at Burger Prince, and I have some extra money saved from my jobs, so I thought, why not spend a little, and then…"

The girl who fell in love with burgers suddenly starts a monologue out of nowhere before realising Sunny's silent treatment. Usually, this does not bother her, but given the context, it makes her worry. "A-Anyway, why not we switch? Just tell me where should I go, and I'll take it from there."

He stays silent, and for a moment, she fears that her words may offend him. But Sunny then produces a light laugh, albeit a bit ragged. Though she cannot see his face, she can feel a smile spreading across his lips as he says: "I told you, I'm fine. This is really good for my body when you think about it."

"So please, rely on me sometimes."

"…"

The rest of the ride continues in silence, saved for Sunny's huffs and pants as he steadily rides the bike forward, not realising the girl behind, looking at him in awe. There are so many things Aubrey wanted to say, so many feelings to articulate. But in the end, she could only resort to these simple words:

"Idiot…" She mutters, her hands tugging his clothes, but not hard enough to make him notice. "…I'm the one relying on you all this time…"

A brown, cuboid-shaped building enters the view with a few lamp poles illuminating the huge parking lot. The Cozy Bistro; those three words dressed in red are proudly displayed front centre, along with a picture of an old chef wearing a huge, friendly smile beside it, welcoming those who are either hungry or simply searching for a place to chill. If that is not the textbook definition of a family restaurant, then what is?

"Thanks for the ride, dude." Aubrey pats Sunny on the back, as he is locking his bike on one of the lamp posts. "You must be pretty hungry after all that, huh?"

"Verily." A simple, yet efficient reply. That's Sunny, alright.

As they walk towards the entrance, Aubrey decides to take in the quiet, still air surrounding them. For the whole day, she has been accustomed to the crowd-filled, suffocating city and now, seeing herself walking in the middle of this vast space, filled with nothing but a sparse number of cars feels a bit unnerving. As if she is the only one left, aimlessly wandering around. What once was a place rich with life, now is devoid of any.

An abandoned city? Ominous.

It is different from the walks she had in Faraway; the small town is already quiet, to begin with, so it makes no difference. Perhaps, the huge contrast here is what throwing her off balance.

But something disrupts her line of thought. A slight, faint bump on her left hand; weak, but recognizable. Like a child wanting to hold his parent's hand but is too short to do so. Aubrey does not turn her head, taking a small glance to her left, and there Sunny is, slowly moving his hand to reach hers. How romantic, she thinks to herself. But before she could enjoy his desire for intimacy, she cannot help but notice that uneasiness oozing from him. There is hesitation to his movement as if he is questioning whether to commit or not, akin to an oscillating pendulum.

And worst of all, his face weighs a heavy guilt, covered by a cracked mask.

Aubrey's heart bleeds for the poor boy. This is more than just him being shy; back when they were just innocent kids, holding hands with him was nothing noteworthy. Something that is expected from a group of happy, carefree children. As time went on, things started to make more sense, and now she realises how…special it feels to have a boy gently hold her hand. Little touches that make her blush, make her swoon.

But now, seeing Sunny having a guilty conscience over a simple act of intimacy makes her heart ache with sympathy. When he was sharing with her his worries and struggles, the way he held his hand, was full of hatred, as if he despises the very thing that gives him a sense of touch. Aubrey understood his pain, to a certain degree. Her hands have orchestrated pain for others, as well. And had it not been for Hero, they would have been smeared with blood.

"…"

Aubrey is not someone who knows her way around words. She could not dish out charming one-liners nor boldly shout passionate words of love. Perhaps, if she is born with a silver tongue, she could decorate his ears with honeyed words. But there is one thing she can do.

With a swift, gentle motion, her fingers reach out, intertwining with each one of his, feeling the slight friction of their skins moving against each other before they are interlaced together, palm to palm. His hand feels rough, a bit hot from gripping the bike handle, and perhaps a tad larger than hers.

Her heart flutters. So, this is what Sunny's hand feels like.

Startled, the boy looks at her with his face turned red. His mouth is left agape as if someone stole his breath away. And she continues to gaze at him with loving eyes, gently giving his hand a small squeeze.

Admiration. Comfort. Safety. Love.

Will it reach him? She dearly hopes it does. 

To love someone is to protect them, and make them feel safe. To love someone is to make them the happiest they have ever been, and comfort them when they are at their lowest. To love someone is to be by their side at all times, and lend a shoulder for them to cry on. Only the future knows what it has in store for them, but there is one thing Aubrey wants Sunny to know:

No matter what happens, she will always cherish him.

She will always be with him.

She will always love him.

Will it reach him? She dearly hopes it does.

That aside, another chance presents itself and the girl's soft look slowly morphs into a teasing one. She moves her thumb up and down, rubbing the dorsal side of his hand, earning a small gasp from Sunny. Yet another cute reaction, Aubrey says to herself. No words are shared between the two but there is no need. The growing blush on his face already did the talking.

"Only two people, sir? Yes, right this way."

The interior is what Aubrey expects: golden, caramel-like walls with white, circular lights installed at the ceilings, singular tables with a pair of chairs arranged at each side of the wall and the larger tables with sofas housing three to six people in the middle. The counter is at the front, and surprisingly enough, an old jukebox is right beside it, tuning some old folk music fit for the old generation. In layman's terms, it is like Gino's, but bigger. She should pass this information on to him someday. Goodness knows that the old pizzeria could use some upgrades.

After making the orders, they both head towards a free table not far from the counter. "So, how's the place?" Sunny asks.

Aubrey replies with a nod. "It's big, that's for sure." She notices a small family from a distance, in what seems to be a deep conversation, judging from their stern faces. Best to leave them be.

…

A rather catchy tune dances around the diner as Aubrey realises her own head gently bopping to its beat. Not surprising, considering what song they are playing. It is a huge hit nationwide, especially among young people like her. It is surprising, however, to hear this song playing in this old-fashioned diner, of all places. Probably a way to pull the young customers.

That said, they sure know how to distract people's minds, especially when it comes to their orders. A clever move, she admits. Gino should definitely learn from this.

"The food's pretty late…" says Aubrey, while she glances at the wall clock. It has been ten minutes since then; not a good sign.

Sunny, however, looks unfazed by her comments. "Yeah, that's the one bad thing about this place…" He leans forward as if wanting to share a secret. "The weird thing is, it always happens when I bring someone else with me."

"Oh?" His statement raises Aubrey's eyebrows.

"I'm a regular here. One of the reasons is because of how fast they make your orders. But one time I came here with my mom, we had to wait around twenty minutes—"

"That's stupid!" The girl suddenly shouts, earning a few looks from other customers. She clears her throat in embarrassment, before continuing: "You should've said something."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. But…" Sunny brings his gaze to the ground, avoiding eye contact. "It was during peak hour and both Mom and I felt a bit guilty if we did, so…"

Aubrey leans back onto her chair, sighing. "Like mother, like son, huh?"

Both of them chuckle before Sunny suddenly perks up with excitement. "Oh, and the other day, I brought my friends here, and we had to wait for half an hour!"

"Don't tell me they can't handle more than ten customers—"

"—no, they just forgot."

"…okay, you clearly should've said something."

"Maybe, but it's not mine that they forgot," says Sunny with a small grin on his face. "It was them. Rowan and Rudy were about to flip the entire thing upside down."

Aubrey laughs while shaking her head, listening to Sunny's bizarre stories. "You sure someone didn't curse you with bad luck?"

"Who knows? Let's see what happens today." Says the boy casually.

"Well, at least I know who to blame."

Both of the teenagers erupt into laughter once again. They probably earn a few side glances but at this point, Aubrey could not care less. She roughly sighs, catching her breath after howling like a mad wolf. To hear herself laughing still feels weird even to this day. It was a foreign concept to her years ago, as tears of anger and pain were the medicine to her grief. At the back of her mind, she silently thanks Sunny for bringing her here. Perhaps he was right; this little date is very much needed after what happened today. The stiffness in his body, the awkwardness that was slowly eating her back at the mall, it was one of the worst lunches she ever had. Comparing now to that is like heaven and earth. Like having a cleansing palate after eating greasy foods.

Given a chance, she gladly trades that date with this one. Although, that would mean giving up seeing Sunny being a total dork for his games. Decisions, decisions…

And just as the reality of their food situation is about to annoy her again, a waitress finally comes in and saves the day from Aubrey's wrath. A woman – who seems to be around her late twenties – wears an innocent smile as if they did nothing wrong. "Two plates of medium-cooked steak for order sixty-nine, correct?"

Aubrey looks at her, nodding with a smile. A smile that is surely not filled with unbridled rage, but a smile nevertheless.

As the aromatic smell from the meat enters her nostrils, causing saliva to leak out of her mouth, the waitress puts something else on the table. A small slice of strawberry cake, to be precise. Aubrey is not aware that Sunny is a fan of such sweets, but the confusion on his face says otherwise. "Um, we don't remember ordering any cake, do we?" He asks. The girl shrugs her shoulders in reply.

"Oh, this one's on the house." The waitress explains whilst still wearing that friendly smile. "Let's just say…"

As she walks away – still facing us – she says:

"A gift for a very cute couple."

"…"

"…"

Aubrey feels like she has been floating in space for aeons before the heat from her cheeks brings her back to reality. The words that woman just said invoke something in her, like having her third eye opened, or being delivered with the truth of the universe. The sudden realisation hits her like a speeding truck, as the blushing girl finally realises something. The talk she had with Sunny was so much fun, so reminiscent of their innocent days back in Faraway, making her forget one important matter.

That is right. She and Sunny are now a couple. Boyfriend and girlfriend. Lovers.

"…"

"…"

Silence, but not the one that makes Aubrey wants to crawl inside a hole. It is comforting –too comforting, even – to a point where it becomes scary. The kind that makes her all hot and bothered, that makes her self-conscious. Thankfully, she finally finds it within herself to break the stillness. Grabbing the fork and knife, she says: "Um, let's just dig in, yeah? Before it gets cold and all."

Sunny, whose face is blaring red like a tomato, breaks out of his own stupor. "Y-Yeah, let's eat…"

Despite the embarrassment, Aubrey has to hold in a small giggle after hearing Sunny stutter for a bit. She can never get enough of his little reactions.

"…"

"…"

"…"

This is no good. The steak is well cooked, the juice feels refreshing and the jukebox is playing some old music romantic enough to bring Aubrey to La La Land. Usually, things like these do not bother her. Getting swept by love songs, it is a bit too sappy for her liking. But somehow, she finds herself to be susceptible to such things today.

And then, the violin kicks in.

The beautiful, high notes have pulled the young girl into her own fantasy. She imagines herself taking Sunny's hand, pulling him into the centre floor as they slowly dance to the tune. Both hand in hand, getting lost in each other's eyes, not knowing how to dance but deciding to do it anyway, laughing the nervousness away as the music celebrates their love together. And when the music reaches its end, Sunny gently holds her by the waist, his warm hands pull their bodies close, feeling his hot breath hitting her face. And with a soft whisper of love, he leans close and—

Her brain finally figures it out. That stupid jukebox is the culprit behind this.

"…"

Aubrey internally squirms. No matter what she did, that waitress's words will never leave her mind. It is not like she hates feeling like this, but every time she indulges in it, it always ends up with her imagining or doing something foolish. Like fantasizing about some silly dance with this stupid boy in front of her, with his stupid face, his stupid smile, his oh-so-pinchable cheeks…

There she goes again!

Feeling desperate, Aubrey grasps for anything that could distract her. She cuts the steak into a medium-sized piece and dips it in the sauce before putting it in her mouth. The heat from the meat along with the flavour pushes those thoughts away. "Mm, this steak is pretty good."

"Really? You think so?" Sunny asks.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm not an expert or anything, but it tastes great." Why does he look slightly baffled by her comments? Was he expecting her to dislike it?

Hearing her say that, the boy sighs as if he was the one that made the steak. "That's good. You know, Rudy and Rowan didn't like it that much."

"Oh?"

Sunny nods, sipping his grape soda. "Well, they didn't say they actually hate it. More like, they're…indifferent? I really like the steak here, so I thought they would, too."

"Hmm…" Aubrey continues to munch the meat. "Different people, different tastes. Not much you can do, there."

As she is about to settle in, something catches her little, mischievous eye. Two tables away she glances to her left, picking up a man and a woman, roughly a few years older. Looks like a couple, if she has to guess. That is the fifth one for today. If she has to use an analogy, these couples are like ants; they are scattered everywhere.

For crying out loud, why does everything keeps reminding her of romance?

Still looking with a small glance, Aubrey observes the couple, at times retreating her gaze to not look like a creep. The brown-haired man is twisting his fork inside the pasta before bringing it up towards the blonde girl in front.

"C'mon, Grace. Open wide, aah…" He says with a teasing grin across his face. The girl, on the other hand, is hiding her growing blush and her giggles. "Dave, stop…people are watching us…"

"So, what if they do?" The man chuckles as well, his fork still in front of her. "C'mon, now…"

"Ugh, you're so persistent…"

"…"

Little Aubrey didn't understand the concept of feeding each other. She understood the feeling behind it, thanks to watching multiple romance TV shows with Mari. But still, she preferred doing things herself. What if the person was feeding her bad food? What if the person gave her too little?

But now, Big Aubrey is more than curious to try it herself. Especially now she has her very own special someone. How will it feel, she wonders?

She stares at the steak, her tongue unconsciously licking her lips. A tricky question hangs over her mind: to be the one who feeds or the one who is being fed? While she enjoys the idea of Sunny pampering her, she likes the idea of pampering him too. His small reactions when she teased him today were a joy to see, but why stop there? She can already see it: Sunny looking slightly bashful, his blushes reaching the ends of his ears, his good eye avoiding her gaze, before finally leaning close to her fork, partly opening his mouth.

That sight alone is enough to give her diabetes, and that is just Sunny. If the father is already that adorable, just imagine his kids…

'K-K-Kids? Ahh, what am I thinking!? That's way too far for something like that…although, it wouldn't be that bad—'

"Aubrey?"

"H-Huh!?" Sunny's sudden voice pulls her out of the trenches of her own desires. Stupid love.

"…"

"What's up? Something you want to say?" Aubrey tries to put her embarrassment aside but Sunny seems to be restless as well. The boy fidgets around his seat, darting his good eye left and right, furrowing his eyebrows, much like a student being picked out by a teacher to answer a math question. The knife in his hand makes tapping sounds on the ceramic plate, leaving the girl hanging.

"Er, is there…" She starts to feel the awkwardness slowly seeping in till the knife suddenly stops moving, startling her a bit. Sunny looks at her dead in the eye – wearing a mask of courage – and with a single breath, he says:

"Can I…feed you?"

"…"

"…"

"Er, can you repeat that?" Sunny may not be doing what she thinks he is doing. But she asks him anyway, wanting to avoid misunderstandings and all.

The bashful boy moves his head to the right, in the direction of the couple Aubrey's been looking at minutes ago. "That couple over there…" says the boy as his blush grows even redder. "…do you want to do it, too?"

"Um…"

Aubrey has been wondering how it feels like getting fed by someone special to her. Well, seems like she is going to get that answer soon. The girl naturally hesitates at first, feeling that single bud of sweat rolling down her neck giving her chills. But the moment she sees Sunny's wanting face, she knows what she has to say next.

"…okay. Let's do it."

Besides, Sunny is her boyfriend now. This is a normal thing for couples to do, so there is no need to fret about it.

Sunny looks around at his steak, probably trying to find the most delicious part to give her. After cutting a small piece, he sticks his fork in, lifting it towards her. "Okay, here goes." He pauses, looking away from her. It is then Aubrey realises just how red his face is. With a shaky voice, he says: "Um, open wide…"

Hearing him say such a corny line almost makes her burst out of laughter. Poor girl has to summon all the willpower to hold it in, not wanting to embarrass him any further.

 She leans forward, gratefully accepting the piece of food into her mouth. The taste should be the same since they both ordered the same thing, but something is a little different about this one. It feels…sweeter? Did Sunny dip it in a different sauce, or his meal is made by a different chef?

But the moment she looks up, her answer is right there, looking at her.

Guess it is true, after all. Food given by someone you care about always tastes the best.

"How is it?" Sunny asks, this time looking at her.

"…it's good." The girl bashfully answers, showing him a smile. He smiles back in return.

If this is how it feels, then Aubrey would not mind getting fed like this for the rest of her life.

Although, it would not be fair if she is the one on the receiving end! "Okay, my turn." The girl cuts a piece of her own steak before offering it to her boyfriend. Though he refuses it at first, eventually he gives in to her request.

"Oh, you don't have to…"

"Nuh uh, I want to. Now, open wide…"

Sunny leans close as Aubrey gently puts the fork inside his mouth, before he munches it quietly, covering his mouth, probably trying to hide the embarrassment. As always, his reactions are worthy to die for, the girl thinks to herself. Seeing Sunny blush this hard is a rare thing on its own, and this is just the start!

Aubrey's mischievous side starts to wonder. What if she pulls the fork away from him, and plants a big smooch on his lips, instead? How would he react to that?

Her rational side shoos that thought away. That move will kill the boy's heart, and hers as well. Best save that down the line. Sunny is not going anywhere, and neither is she. Soon, seeing him blushing will be common, and the girl cannot wait for that to happen.

Plates have been emptied, talks were held, laughs were shared, and memories were created. Alas, it is time to go home. The call of the night echoes throughout the world.

A full belly equals a happy person, which means the ride back home will be as smooth as butter. Well, at least for Aubrey. As for Sunny, it means yet another session of cardio exercise. Though she did offer herself to be the one on the handle, but he insists on doing it himself.

And so, Aubrey complies with a light sigh. Sunny can be persistent, sometimes.

…

Darkness stretches far as the eye can see, save for the circular white lights from the lamp posts, illuminating the area. Aubrey lifts her head, longingly gazing at one of her longest companions, shining brightly amidst the darkness. Like a drop of white paint on a black canvas.

She chuckles to herself. Even in the city, the moon follows her everywhere.

"…"

"…"

The road is quiet. The contrast between the empty sidewalks with the jam-packed crowd that is the city is mind-boggling. No sounds of chatter, engines rumbling or blaring horns, except for the occasional breeze passing by. It feels like nature is allowed to reclaim what was theirs, even if it only lasts for a few hours. However, it is not peace that Aubrey feels, but fear instead, slowly crawling her back. It puzzles her for a moment. This static air – void of people and noise – should be calming her. It is no different than her lone nights in Faraway, so why does she feel…unsafe? As if she does not belong here?

"Aubrey?" A voice calls out for her. It sounds a bit tired but still emits that subtle, friendly tone that she is so familiar with. "Is everything alright back there?"

"Yeah, what's up?" She replies, unknowingly with a smile.

"You've been quiet." Sunny gives a short reply. A man with a few words. Aubrey thinks it is charming.

"I'm fine, thanks. It's just…"

She turns her head left and right. A lone car passes by, momentarily breaking the stillness of the night. "…looking around, that's all. It's really quiet over here, almost makes me think we're no longer in the city."

And just like that, all her anxiety is washed away, like a small shell on a boundless beach.

"Even the city has moments like this, you know. Still, it's quite dangerous walking here all alone."

"Yeah…"

The cold air sends a breeze, fluttering Aubrey's long hair. It is calming, in a way.

"Luckily, I don't have to worry about that." Says the girl.

"Oh?"

"…because you're here with me."

"…"

Sunny does not say a word afterwards, not like she needs him to. Because she knows in front of her now is a blushing boy, trying to act all cool and mature.

Those words escape her mouth like it is second nature to her. Or maybe, she has been wanting to say that to him for so long, she no longer gives it a second thought. How silly of her, Aubrey scolds herself. There she goes again, acting all…

"…"

Is it wrong to act like this?

Is it wrong to let her guard down around him?

Is it really wrong to act childish with him?

This is not her. The delinquent Aubrey, the cold-hearted Aubrey who does things her way, and the rebellious Aubrey who is seen as a nuisance and a brat to those around her. And now, that same Aubrey is being sappy? Acting all ladylike just because a boy likes her back?

But still, is it really wrong for her to be like this?

She recalls those days long ago, back when she was still the happy-go-lucky Aubrey. Back when she was still the innocent, ever-lovable Aubrey. She recalls those children's books Mari lent her. Those old, princess movies they both watched together. Even Sunny joined in sometimes, though it was mostly his sister dragging him along. She remembers how dreamlike it felt watching those old movies. The drawings and the music; it was like watching a beautiful painting came to life. Watching it now, she might point out all the nonsensical plot, the cheesy dialogue and all those boring stuff, but her childhood self did not mind those things. Because all she thought about was how…romantic it was. How sappy the dialogue was. How otherworldly it felt.

And she liked it. To see the brave, handsome prince takes the beautiful princess's hands, as they sang and danced to their heart's content. To see an undying love that saved the kingdom and repelled the evil witch.

Like any other girl, Aubrey dreamt of such things. A heartful, passionate romance with the man of her dreams, protecting her from any danger, making her feel like the most special girl in the world. An innocent, yet naïve dream. No wonder she cast it all away growing up. Reality has a way to make one cynical.

But still, despite the realisation, the heart never forgot, and a small part of her never stopped dreaming.

And now, after all those years, this childish dream of hers actually came true.

Spending this entire day with him, sharing both heartbreak and laughter, going on a quiet and peaceful date, a love confession under the shining gold of sunset…

…is this not like one of those fantasy books and movies she and Mari used to watch?

The young girl feels knots tying in her stomach, slowly overwhelmed by these feelings bubbling inside. What did she do to deserve such an outcome? Surely, many others dream of such a thing, and yet, life gives them something totally different. Does she deserve all this love?

"…"

Aubrey searches for an answer, but she could not come up with any, and that is fine. Even if the truth says otherwise, she will cherish what life has bestowed upon her. This chance to embrace love and happiness. A change of pace from the pain she endured all this time.

She looks at Sunny again. One of the things she has always dreamt of is having a prince scoop her and take her, as they both ride away on a horse towards the sunset, living happily ever after.

And that prince is right in front of her.

Gently, she leans forward, making sure not to throw the bicycle imbalance. She snakes her hand around his waist before intertwining on his stomach, feeling their bodies now touching. Her head rests on his back, listening to the melody of his heartbeat. He twitches at first, before eventually relaxes, allowing her to be more comfortable. Sunny's body feels so warm, so welcoming, so lovely. Hugging him like this feels so good, perhaps too good for her liking.

She can still feel his voice lightly reverberating in her ears. The honesty in his words back at the station, his thoughtful concerns for her, and his shouts of love never fail to tug strings in her heart.

She pulls her body close, squeezing the hug just a bit tighter. Right now, more than ever, she wants to feel Sunny. Wanting to be close to Sunny. Wanting Sunny all for herself.

After all, there is nothing wrong with being a little selfish, right?

Once, Aubrey thought of how safe the boy made her feel. Those talks on the swings, the little moments they had for themselves when no one else was watching. It made her the happiest she has ever been. Whenever he was with her, nothing in the world could ever harm her.

And what a relief to find out it still feels the same, as if time itself never moved since then. That is why she could be aloof. That is why she could let her guard down.

Because Sunny will always be there for her. That sweet black-haired boy living a few blocks away has stolen her heart, selfishly keeping it to himself. And she would not have it any other way. His smile makes her heart flutter. His courage that she finds so endearing. His laughs...

"Sunny…"

For all these years, Aubrey has brewed hate.

For all these years, Aubrey has met with hate.

For all these years, Aubrey has fought with hate.

It was her only way to escape, her only way to remedy the pain that scarred her heart.

"I hate you, Aubergine."

It was only natural that only hate came her way.

But now…

"I want you!"

She has finally found it. Something that she has been craving for.

Aubrey inches closer to his ear, carefully not wanting to throw him off. At the back of her mind, she scolds him for making a girl say those words. But she does not care, nor does she blame him.

These feelings are the ones to blame instead. Feelings that burn inside, that make her chest tighten whenever she sees him. Feelings that make her heart aches, yearning for his presence.

His touch.

His kiss.

His…love.

Ah, so this is love.

Under the series of lamp posts, sheltered by the beautiful, dark sky…

"I love you."

She whispers it. Words so sacred, so special, she wants them not to be heard by anyone else. Not even the world itself is allowed to pry in. Because those words are meant for him, and him alone.

"…!"

Suddenly, the chilling breeze comes to a halt. That lamp post a few metres away from her – which she expects to pass by soon – remains stationary in front. Puzzled, Aubrey looks around, letting go of her lover's body, only to realise the bicycle has stopped moving.

"Is everything alright?" Aubrey asks.

"…"

"…Sunny?"

She taps his shoulder, before the boy turns back, giving her a pair of petrified eyes. "Aubrey…"

Panic shoots through her heart. Why does he look like he just encountered a ghost? Do the tires get punctured? Are they stranded here? Did he get lost? Are his legs giving up? That idiot! If she knew things would happen like this, she would gladly take his place instead.

"Don't do that again…"

"…yes?"

"Don't just say things like that out of nowhere…I'm not ready…" The boy squirms, with a fiery blush all across his soft cheeks. "Also, I kind of want to see your face when you say it, so…"

"…"

"…"

Much like a geyser, Aubrey suddenly bursts out laughing, her body jolting like she has been tickled, all while Sunny keeps staring at her with question marks hanging over his head. Her feelings have gone haywire, not like she cares about it. May as well call her crazy at this point.