Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ten knows he shouldn't answer the knock on his door. He shouldn't. He needs to roll over and ignore it until the knocking goes away and he's left in peace to sleep with their packed schedule tomorrow. He knows exactly what that tiny, silent knock is. He knows who's on the other side of the door, waiting patiently for him to unlock and open the door. He stares at the wall as another knock comes, slightly impatient this time.

Ten is aware of his body giving in, his limbs bending to push the blankets off of him and standing, his bare feet slowly and gently padding towards his door. His mind screams insults at him, telling him he's pathetic, how horrid he is, what a weak, pathetic creature he is.

He knows it, he knows the song of this all too well, the way his mind plays the same track almost every night since he's been in Los Angeles.

He opens the door and moves aside, quickly shutting it behind the man walking into his room.

His mind silences once he's crushed against the wall and lips are on his own, blocking out any potential thought other than the need to be crushed, ravished, lust filling every inch of his body in ways he didn’t know was possible.

Ten moans softly, delicately, reaching his arms up to wrap around Taemin's back, pulling him closer, as close as possible but it's never enough; there's always going to be too much distance between them.

Taemin lifts him, effortlessly, pinning him against the wall and Ten links his ankles against the small of his back. There's no need for words, none when their dance does the talking for them. Lust, need, want, all of it coil around them, an invisible fog that seeps into them, making them more desperate for one another, heightening every emotion into a cocktail of drugs that you could never buy.

Ten opens his mouth, gasping for air, whimpering, breathlessly begging for more.

Taemin's tongue slips inside his mouth, rubbing against his own and Ten arches his back, pressing their chests together as best he can. Taemin gently entices Ten into his own mouth, nibbling down, closing his lips to suck ever so gently on his tongue and Ten pulls back, panting. They lean their foreheads together for a moment, solace between them, promise to never tell a soul, their longing for one another, all of it loud in the silence of Ten's bedroom. Taemin leans back ever so slightly, giving Ten a chance to brace himself tighter around the elder man before Taemin moves them across the room.

Ten's back hits the bed and he wordlessly stretches his legs out, lifting his hips as Taemin's fingers make quick work of his sleep shorts. He steps aside and pulls them off in one fluid moment, dropping to his knees and resting his head against Ten's knee. His hand reaches up, cupping his calf, squeezing it softly. They stay that way for a moment, refusing to look one another, the contact of Taemin's forehead and hand against Ten's leg being more than enough; it's all the words that need to be spoken. Their heart beats unite, throbbing between Taemin’s wrist and the veins that run through Ten’s leg and they both sigh softly.

There's time to stop this, to push Taemin away and tell him to leave, to pull his shorts back on and go back to bed and pretend this never happened. To take this secret to the grave whilst it’s still a secret.

But, who is Ten kidding; there's no time to stop it. There's never any time to stop it – from the moment he hears the knock on his door, he's weak, needy, desperate.

And Taemin is strong, giving, and as desperate as Ten.

Taemin moves his head, kneeling up and Ten lets his eyes flicker close.

Taemin kisses up his thigh, making sure to pause, nibbling ever so softly. Never hard enough to leave any hickeys or marks, but hard enough to make Ten's heart flutter and his stomach churn. He works his way up, until he's hovering above Ten's hips and his erection. Ten shouldn't be embarrassed at getting hard so quickly; most people would murder to have their erections appear so easily, with such little teasing, but it's shameful and humiliating under his hyung’s gaze. He shifts, ever so slightly, before Taemin leans down, pressing a kiss to his tip.

Ten's mouth drops open immediately, his breath hitching, lust flowing up his spine and Taemin wraps his lips around him. He does nothing at first before he almost immediately starts bobbing his head.

Ten lets his eyes roll back, groaning softly.

As he goes further down, Ten's ears note the sound of Taemin's belt being undone and he shivers. His cock twitches realising that Taemin's hard and needy simply from having his lips around his cock.

The power he holds over his hyung never ceases to amaze him.

Taemin doesn't give him much time for him to think on it, head bobbing quickly, tongue working him, teeth nibbling him with an expertise that they've perfected over the nights spent holed up in Ten's room. Ten huffs, relaxing into the bed as the movement continues, hissing as Taemin's teeth graze over his nerve. He twitches, reaching down to find his hair.

Taemin pulls up, sighing softly. He leans over, pressing his lips to Ten in a kiss that Ten is sure will leave some kind of bruise. He links his fingers around the back of Taemin's neck, pulling him down, close, closer, until their teeth clack together. Ten wonders if this could knock his teeth out of place, but he doesn't care. He pulls away, gasping as he turns his head to the side. "I need you."

"Not tonight, I don't have long."

Ten wants to slap him. He wants to scream and kick him away, cussing him out. If they're doing this the least Taemin can do is give him the full attention he wants. He needs. Want. Need. It's all a mixed up jumble of wires in his brain and there's no way he has to unscramble them at this point.

Taemin kneels on the bed, pulling a pillow down. "But I have some time to take care of you."

Ten rushes to get on his knees, crawling forward to collapse on the pillow, hugging it to his chest. He sticks his ass in the air and Taemin strokes down his inner thigh. Ten shivers, whines when the hand is pulled away before he whimpers feeling his ass cheeks being spread. Taemin's slow, methodical, blowing gently on his hole catches him off guard for a moment before he pushes his hips back. The movement is stopped, Ten gasping, relishing in the feeling of Taemin’s hand slapping his ass, a stinging reminder to behave .

And behave he does, falling still, vulnerable and silent for his hyung.

Taemin blows against his sensitive hole, once, twice, and the third time goes missing until Ten's back arches, groaning at the feeling of something wet prodding at him. Taemin licks from his taint up to his hole, circling it twice before he restarts the movement, painfully slow, but the licks are long, powerful, pressed so hard against him. Ten shivers, tears pricking in his eyes.

He lives for this, as shameful as it feels to admit, he couldn’t live without this now he’s been introduced to it. Taemin’s pert tongue filling him up, teasing him in, more satisfactory than any cock inside him but never satisfactory enough, always need Taemin to press inside him, fill him, make him stretch and burn and beg for more and beg to stop because it’s too much but needing every single inch of more.

Ten’s thoughts are cut off as Taemin’s tongue starts pressing inside of him, slow and methodical, making Ten yelp and cling to the pillow, white-knuckled, as if his life depends on it. He wants to shift and throw a foot back at the low chuckle that comes behind him but then Taemin curls his tongue and stars overtake Ten’s vision. He’s mildly aware of the gasps and groans that leave his throat, but he doesn’t care. Taemin pushes his tongue deeper and Ten buries his face into the pillow, desperately trying not to yell out.

Taemin moves a moment, shifting, grunting a little before he finds what he’s looking for, tongue beginning to work against Ten’s prostate.

Ten's arms give out, his forearms no longer strong enough to hold him up and he whines into the sheets. He curls his hands around the pillow, praying he doesn't rip it as Taemin takes his time, working him open, grinding on his prostate. It's so wet, so loud and so fucking filthy – but Ten can't say he hates or dislikes it. He wants this every night, every day, he wants Taemin to eat him out, rim him every morning until he can feel his muscles stretched and slack, ready for Taemin to bend him over, claim what's his.

Taemin pulls back, cursing under his breath and Ten has to bite his lip to stop him whining out loud. Taemin tugs on his hip, urging him to roll over and Ten does. A fist in his shirt gently pulls him up and Ten follows the movement, planting a knee either side of Taemin's, leaning his head against the crook of his neck.

"Hey... No, I'm just doing some more practising."

Taemin carefully licks his hand, long broad strokes that Ten watches in awe before his hand wraps around Ten's cock. He bites into Taemin's shoulder to stop his yell; the cool skin around his burning hot erection feels so good he could come from it alone.

"You probably missed me, I've been drinking a lot, go to the bathroom a lot. Or maybe I went to grab a snack from my bag. I went to the shop a little earlier to grab a Gatorade as well – you could have come by when I was there, maybe?”

Taemin jerks Ten off rough and hard and it's all Ten can do to stay quiet, staring daggers at the phone with the last semblance of consciousness he has in his brain still.

"No, I haven't seen Ten. He's probably walking around, you know what he's like at night. Probably went and found himself somewhere quiet to sit and do some art where he doesn’t have to worry about fans or being distracted from one of us."

Ten sits up, fucking up into Taemin's hand and planting his hands on his shoulders, leaning in. Taemin tilts the phone away from his mouth, accepting the kiss, biting down onto Ten’s bottom lip. Ten wants to rip the phone away from him when his hyung pulls back, letting Ten’s lip bounce back against his teeth with a loud smack.

"Jongin, I'll be back at the villa soon, I promise. I'm just having some trouble with that one move from 2Fast . I'm just making sure I have it right. I won't be much longer, I just need to try it a few more times. I’ve almost got it down."

Ten scowls at him and Taemin quirks an eyebrow, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his shoulder. "Alright, I love you too, Nini. I’ll see you soon." Taemin ends the call and throws his phone to the side, ignoring the clatter as it falls to the ground. He surges forward, pushing Ten down and crushing him against the sheets.

"The least you could do is not answer his calls."

"Then he'd get weird and come looking." Taemin lets go of Ten's cock and Ten hisses, watching him as he stands. Taemin takes a moment, shedding his jeans and boxers and Ten reaches down, fiddling with his shaft as he waits.

He drags his nails up his skin, making himself hiss softly before Taemin kneels on the bed, crawling closer. Ten blinks a moment before groaning, arousal coursing through him as he realises what's about to happen.

Taemin leans in, gripping their erections together, jerking roughly. The younger bucks up, gasping at the feeling of Taemin's hot, pulsing skin against his own and he bites his lip so hard he tastes blood. Taemin leans forward, covering his mouth so he doesn't howl, scream, shriek, anything that would alert everyone in the villa that he's being laid, and grunts, fucking up as quick as he can.

Ten lifts his arms, shaking, gripping Taemin's forearm. Taemin watches him, head tilted, and Ten wants to kick him. He can see in the dim light how Taemin's eyes are blown, pupils enlarged from lust, and knows he's close. It boils in his own stomach, his thighs shaking as he gets closer and closer to orgasming.

Taemin starts grunting, breathless. Ten collapses, boneless against the sheets as Taemin works them both closer. Ten forces his legs to work, trying his best to hook his ankles around Taemin, refusing to let him pull back. Taemin leans over him, pulling his hand back and kissing him hard. It's the last thing Ten needs, Taemin drinking down his screams as he comes, chest heavily, legs and arms twitching, gasping for air as Taemin pulls back.

Taemin grunts a few times and Ten is vaguely aware of the hot liquid hitting his shirt as Taemin comes, groaning softly, repeating Ten's name under his breath. His name sounds so pretty coming from Taemin like this, dripping with sin, with lust and greed, sparking excitement up and down his spine as he knows they’re both going to hell for this.

Taemin collapses next to him, neither of them moving. It feels like neither of them breath, the heat and lust of the moment passing, waves of guilt and shame beginning to wrap around them both, dragging them down into an infernal, unrelenting sea racked with marine monsters and vicious waves, all of which try and claim them.

They manage to claim Ten, tears beginning to well in the corner of his eyes and he rolls over, keeping his back to Taemin. A hand drifts up his side, slipping under his shirt, resting on Ten's hip.

“Te-”

"-Just go. Before he comes looking."

Taemin doesn't move for a moment, trying to judge where Ten’s emotions are before the hand disappears, cool air wrapping around Ten's skin. It's welcome, with how warm he's feeling, but it's so cruel at the same time, reminding him he'll be sleeping in his bed alone, whilst Taemin goes back to Jongin.

He listens as Taemin walks to the en suite, waits silently as he spends a few moments cleaning himself up. He opens his eyes to watch the beams of moonlight filtering through the gap around his curtains, watching dust particles as they drift through the air. He's jealous of them; he should feel like that after such an act, as though his soul disjoined from his body for a moment, settling in sexual pleasure and allowing it to carry him to sleep, carrying him away from any and every emotion that could plague him. A bed of heaven should be holding him tonight, but he’s laying on a bed of nails and screws, pushing into his back, with no escape from the harsh reality of everything.

Taemin sits down and Ten rolls over, eyebrow raising. He's working his boxers and jeans back up his legs and he stands, quickly jumping a few times to get them up. He sits back down, watching Ten for a moment.

Taemin leans down and Ten flexes his arms, ready to push him away, not wanting any more contact, no more of this because oh if it starts then Ten can’t resist. His arm doesn’t straighten.

Taemin's lips meet his and, instead, Ten's arms wrap around his back, holding him in place as best he can.

It lasts too long, it's over too quickly and Ten gasps as Taemin pulls away from him, desperation, panic, pain welling in his chest, overflowing and arching up his throat, snot and tears welling on his face.

"Stay. Say we were practising something and we fell asleep and-"

“No, Ten." Taemin stands, his back facing the bed, collecting his phone from the floor and heading to the door. He pauses outside, listening, and when he’s sure no one is in the hallway, he quickly slips out, the darkness outside of Ten’s room claiming him from sight.

Ten stares at the closed door and screams, throwing his pillow across the room before he hugs his chest, letting the shame and guilt curl around him. They drag him down to the bed, wrapping him in a too tight, too sticky, too hot embrace, tendrils taking him captive, pinning him down and refusing to relent in their onslaught.

It's how he falls asleep, comforted, at least, by something warm to keep him company, something wrapped around him that if he tries hard enough, he can almost imagine it’s Taemin.

"I'm sorry."

It's a murmur against his skin and Ten lets his eyes roll back, shivering, the breath tickling his nerves, setting his body ablaze.

"I'm so sorry for dragging you into this."

Taemin has Ten's wrists pinned to the wall, kissing down his spine, making him whimper and shake. They’ve been this way for a while, maybe five minutes, maybe ten, maybe two hours for all Ten’s brain can comprehend what’s been happening since Taemin entered his room.

His breathing hitches as Taemin reaches the small of his back, grazing his teeth against the bone. He'll have marks tomorrow and the idea makes him shiver; it’s something he needs to desperately hide otherwise everyone’s going to be asking him questions and the game is up. A game of quick wit, quick thinking, a cat and mouse game that either Ten can run from or be captured.

It's their one day off, however, so at least he won't be told off by the make up noonas.

"I'm so sorry."

"Shut up. Please just shut up. I don’t want to think, I just want you. Please just shut up and fuck me."

Taemin pauses in his movements and Ten tries to sense how he's feeling. But then, Taemin turns him around, and his legs are wrapped around Taemin's hips and Ten can feel the gentle prod against his asshole. He whimpers, pressing his head against the crook of Taemin's neck and tries to push down, lips grazing along the vein under his mouth, making Taemin shiver. He turns his head, moaning softly as he feels Taemin lines up, nipping at the delicate collar bone in front of him. Taemin shivers slightly, groaning softly before he straightens up slightly, a harsh shh leaving his lips.

Ten leans up, just enough to hear Lucas and Taeyong outside of his room.

"Should we get Ten?"

"I haven't seen him all day, he's probably sleeping or in the practice room."

Ten shuts his eyes, every nerve on edge, screaming at him. The knock comes gently. "Hey Ten, are you awake?"

He's going to fucking murder Lucas as soon as Taemin's finished, as soon as his limbs have some semblance of feeling and can hold his weight again. He’ll murder his best friend if he doesn’t leave and he doesn’t get Taemin’s cock inside of him in the next few seconds.

There's no movement, no sounds and Ten strains his ears. He hears the delicate sigh from Taeyong. "Come on, let him be. If he’s not practising and not answering his door, he’s probably sleeping, I'd bet. He's been stressed about keeping up with Taemin and Jongin-hyung, he's been spending most of the nights working on his dancing technique."

“Aw, man, I miss him. Did someone say something to make him doubt his dancing technique? He has the skills to keep up with Taemin and Jongin...”

The voices get quieter and drift away as the duo leave, intending to go about their plan for the day, seemingly. Taemin and Ten let out a breath they were holding, as though their lungs were conjoined, seamlessly connected in every way, shape and form possible as their illicit activities build in momentum.

Ten finds something new every time they do this; their lungs conjoined into one joint breathing mechanism. Their vocal cords, harmonising each other’s names at three in the morning. Their bodies, so delicately doing a different dance every time but with the grace and trust of life partners, never needing to be told what to do or how to move.

Taemin wastes no time in kissing Ten hard, as the sound of Taeyong and Lucas’ conversation falls to silence. Ten’s head bounces slightly off the wall with the force of it, before Taemin fucks up, filling Ten in one swift, fluid movement.

Ten’s back arches and he struggles to force his scream of pleasure back down, clutching at any part of Taemin he can get; his shoulders, his back, his jumper, anything that gives him anything to grip to and ground himself.

Taemin starts a bruising pace, giving Ten barely any time to adjust, to collect his thoughts, and Ten chokes on a moan, watching Taemin as he pulls back. He pauses in his movements only momentarily as he shifts his hips, pulling all the way out, slamming back in as hard as he dares. He does it for every single thrust and Ten lets his head hang, gasping.

He's too sensitive to even try and make any noise, letting his arms drop. Taemin pauses, anchoring Ten against his chest before he gets dropped against the bed. He finds the strength to move his legs, draping his ankles over Taemin's shoulders and Taemin resumes his movements.

At this angle, he brushes Ten's prostate with every thrust and Taemin laughs, softly, dark, low, seeing it on his face. "You like it like that?"

Ten opens his mouth to reply but his throat won't work. It's dry, he's too hot, too turned on, too content, too full to do anything more than nod weakly.

Taemin leans forward, placing a hand either side of Ten’s waist, leaning down to kiss him, working the pace harder and hotter, quicker and deeper and Ten shakes his head. "N-No, stop."

Taemin pauses in his movement, a hand coming up to cup Ten's cheek.

"Are you alright?"

"Don't do that, fuck, I'm g-gonna come too quickly."

Taemin sighs softly, barely audible, and then keeps up his pace.

Ten throws his hand over his mouth, biting on his wrist, gasping, tears of pleasure starting to slip down his temples.

He doesn't want this to be over so quickly; it can't be over this fast; Taemin's ignored him for days, too concerned about keeping them a secret, and now, now he finally has his hyung.

He tries to move his legs, to wrap them around Taemin's waist to yank him close, leaving no distance between them, but his legs quiver, rivalling the autumn leaves in the wind for fragility. He can do nothing but lay there, tears in his eyes, pleasure shooting up his spine, molten pleasure curling around his stomach.

"Tae- Tae, I'm going to-"

"-Then come for me." It's a dark growl in his ear and Ten bites on his wrist as fireworks appear over his eyes, gasping for air harshly through his nose, body twitching and jerking as he comes, untouched. He flushes as he comes down from the high, desperately trying to get oxygen into his lungs. Taemin's fucking him gently now , helping him through his orgasm.

Ten shifts, reaching up to Taemin. Their hands join, interlinking their fingers for a moment before Taemin steps back. Ten glares, huffing at the sudden loss of him before Taemin rolls him over. He steps either side of Ten's legs and pushes himself back in.

Ten groans into the sheets, shaking at the bruising pace. He’s sensitive, and oh, he can feel how hot Taemin is through the condom, how his cock is pulsing and he whimpers.

He wants to feel Taemin inside him, painting his fucking insides, filling him up to the point he can't move without leaking his come everywhere.

Taemin grunts and gasps, hips stuttering and Ten stares at the wall, unable to help the disappointment curling through his veins.

Taemin slumps over him, pressing kisses to his neck before he slowly pulls out. He disappears to the bathroom, likely discarding the condom, before he reappears. He helps Ten crawl up the bed, laying against the pillows. Ten opts to lay across Taemin's chest, gently tracing his abs, around the muscle line of his pectorals.

"I have a while before I have to go."

Ten leans up, blinking a moment before kneeling. "Then why the hell did you ignore me when I said slow it down if we had time?"

Taemin gently pulls Ten in, kissing him softly, breaking away, sucking down his jaw line. Ten's eyes flutter close, vitriol gone but not forgotten for the moment. "Because you always want me to spend more time with you after."

Ten's heart soars, it breaks, it does 12 roller coaster loops and it shatters. He slips a leg either side of Taemin's, resting against his thighs and lets Taemin kiss at every part of Ten's skin he can get to.

"Why do we keep doing this?"

"I don't know."

"Are we ever going to stop?"

"I don't know."

Ten sighs and lets Taemin pull him down, resting against his shoulder. He cuddles against him, the warmth of Taemin's arm holding him in place. Fingers drift through his hair and Ten sighs, his body starting to feel the exhaustion from the round of sex.

When he opens his eyes again, trying to stop himself drifting off, his time's already up.

Taemin dresses silently in the doorway and Ten watches him.

He slumps against the wall, rubbing his face with his hands. Ten recognises from the way his shoulders are hunched that Taemin's trying not to cry. He looks so… vulnerable, like anything would make him shatter at any given point. Ten wonders if he should say something, if he should sit up and reach out to him, give him something, someone to lean on, to process, but then Taemin's gone, the ever so quiet shutting of the door echoing in Ten’s ears.

"Oh my God!"

Ten barely looks up from his iPad, following the sound of Lucas’ voice. He’s stood in the bathroom doorway, face lit up and Ten casts his eyes back to his iPad as quickly as he just looked away.

He’s not really bothered about what Lucas has just discovered in his bathroom – it’s probably that bottle of skin primer he swore he didn’t steal from Lucas but really had, shamelessly leaving it on his sink for his morning routine. He just wants to focus on these clothing designs he has in mind before he forgets small details.

But then, Taeyong and Mark start snickering, their focus completely gone from the film that they had try to convince Ten to watch – Ten had promptly watched fifteen minutes or so before returning to his iPad.

The snickering doesn’t stop, Taeyong falling into giggles and Ten gives in, raising his head.

“What the hell is-” His heart stops beating for a moment, his cheeks turning bright red as he stares at the condom being held by Lucas. He’s gripping it, at least , with tissue between his fingers and Ten wrinkles his nose.

“You are aware that’s been used ?”

He tries to ignore the blush covering his cheeks, his ears, sliding down his chest, the dread churning in his stomach as Mark leans over to poke his stomach.

“Oh my god , you’re fucking Baekhyun-hyung!”

“I’m- What?”

“Well,” Taeyong sits up, hugging his legs to his chest as Lucas disappears back into the bathroom, washing his hands. “Taemin and Jongin are exclusive, and to our knowledge, you’re not sleeping with one of us, so you must either be with Baekhyun-hyung, or a staff member and the staff aren’t here long enough for that to be happening.”

Ten’s blood turns to stone as he swallows, trying to find a way out of this, brain whirring at four hundred miles per hour but shutting down, refusing to function as he stares at the looming wave about to ruin him. The large ocean wave about to crash Jongin against the rocks, pinning him there and refusing to let him go, whilst it pushes Taemin’s boat further and further out to sea with little rations. “Look, don’t mention it, alright? Even you guys aren’t supposed to know, I don’t think Jongin knows on Baekhyun’s end. It was just… I don’t know, we don’t know, neither of us know what we’re really doing. We haven’t labelled anything yet and we don’t wanna announce anything or do anything about it at the moment just… just don’t say anything, alright?”

He supposes it’s not really a lie. It’s a little white lie. It’s just Baekhyun’s name in place of Taemin’s. It’s not that morally objectionable, is it?

"Awww, is Baekkie-hyung shy ?"

"Lucas, shut up." Ten throws a pillow at him, scowling and Mark bursts into laughter.

Mark hands Taeyong a nail varnish bottle and Taeyong replies something, something about tell us… dick size… at least… or… as he focuses on painting his nails but Ten can't hear anything over the pounding of his heart in his ears and the way his lungs are shuddering for breath under his rib cage.

Ten slips into the villa’s pool at four thirty in the morning, hoping for an early morning work out routine. It’s something relaxing, easy on his muscles, something to help his body prepare for the day of dancing. The silence of the morning at this time, the sun barely up, is soothing, soft on his mind, and somewhere in his brain he’s aware this is probably a bad idea – if something goes wrong, no one will find him in the water until around five – if they happen to come out onto the deck.

It’s as if the universe agrees with his random thought of danger that he hears someone else slip into the pool, a second set of arms breaking the water.

He raises an eyebrow; he woke up early so there really shouldn’t be anyone else awake. But, he also doesn’t need to turn around to know who just joined him. Sighing softly, he grips the edge of the pool, carefully hiking himself up to rest his arms on the ground, his cheek on his arms, and looks to the left where he can hear them coming up.

Sure enough, it doesn’t take long for Taemin to join him and Ten shivers as his hyung pushes close, an arm wrapping around Ten’s waist and pulling him in for a kiss. Ten indulges him, humming softly, before he pulls back, studying Taemin’s face. “Anyone could see us out here.”

“Walls are too high for any sasaengs, the managers won’t be here for another twenty minutes and no one else is awake.” He leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to Ten’s neck. “I changed Jongin’s phone alarm from five to five thirty, just to be on the safe side.”

Taemin’s lips are hauntingly soft, plump, pressing against his skin and Ten tilts his head to the side, letting his hyung kiss up and down his skin, getting drunk on the feeling. He almost forgets what he has to do. What he promised himself he would do the night before as he laid alone in bed with no gentle knock on his door to make him forget what he needed to do.

Ten groans and pushes himself away, swimming backwards gently, putting distance between him and his hyung. "We can't keep doing this."

"It's fine, Ten, we can just-"

"-Lucas found the condom. Mark and Taeyong were there too.” The words sit heavy in between them as Taemin’s face goes blank, blinking rapidly. Ten can see the panic rising in his hyung’s chest. “They think I'm screwing Baekhyun but I don't know how long it'll be until they say something in front of everyone, Taemin."

"Fuck- why do they think you're screwing Baekhyun?" Taemin’s eyebrow arches, anger seeming to cross his face and Ten scoffs.

"Oh, as if you get to suddenly act as if you care about loyalty. You’re not my boyfriend. If I want to fuck Baekhyun-hyung, I am well within my means to.” Ten rolls his eyes, pushing himself to sit on the side of the pool, letting his legs dangle gently into the water. “But, they know I'm not fucking one of them and you and Jongin are otherwise preoccupied leaving only Baekhyun, it does not take a fucking rocket scientist, Tae.”

Taemin sighs and lets himself float, gently drifting to come closer. "I'll figure something out."

"You still want to do this? We are playing with fire and we are so close to losing control of it all, of it blowing up in our faces. What happens if we get found out, Taemin? What happens to SuperM?"

"We just keep going. Please the drama in this business, half of these groups that you see daily can't fucking stand each other. They just act. Minho and Kibum were ready to murder each other through half of SHINee’s rookie years and no one would have ever guessed it with the way we all were on stage and at events.”

"Okay, and what about Jongin? Have you even thought about him?"

"Of course I've fucking thought about him." Taemin stands up with such ferocity, Ten jumps. "Don't you dare sit there and pretend like you know what's going on in my head. You're not the one who has to lay next to him, watching him sleep thinking about everything that could happen if he finds out. You’re not the one that’s going to have to watch him fall to pieces if he finds out-"

"-No, I'm just the piece on the side you don't have the courage to stay with, so no, I wouldn't fucking know what sleeping next to someone would fucking feel like in this scenario."

Taemin huffs and relaxes against the side of the pool, biting on his lip as he stares at the sunrise. "What did you say to Lucas?"

"I just said not to say anything because Baekhyun and I hadn't labelled anything and we didn't want to say anything until we knew what we were dealing with."

"Quick thinking."

Ten sighs, rubbing his face, swallowing hard. "I hate this, I hate the lying. Like... This entire thing... We've been lying since day one but to our fucking selves. Now you're lying on the phone to Jongin with your dick in my ass, I'm lying to my friends, praying they don't find out. I don't recognise who I am any more."

"I don't know who I am either."

Ten listens to the soft sound of Taemin swimming through the water and tilts his head, watching the clouds moving across the sky. Taemin eventually joins him again, sighing. "Los Angeles sure is beautiful."

Ten makes a noise of acknowledgement and turns his head, taking Taemin in. "What are we?"

"I don't know."

"Well, that's handy isn't it."

"Come on."

"Well, what are we? Am I just your side piece? Are you going to leave Jongin for me? Are you going to ditch me for Jongin? What is going to happen?"

"I..." Taemin trails off, watching a flock of birds arching across the sky. "I really don't know, Ten.”

"And what if I tell you to fuck off until you do know?"

"We both know neither of us can stop this."

Ten snorts, trying to think of a snappy retort, but he sighs. Taemin's right. If it were that simple, Ten simply wouldn't let Taemin into his room. He's addicted; the shame, the lust, the secrecy, the feeling of doing something wrong that feels oh so good. He can't unlace himself from this. They both need to want to stop it and Ten can tell he won't be the first to do that. "Can you kiss me?" Ten hates himself, the break up he had been so desperate to do now floating near the bottom of the pool, drowned with no hope of resuscitation.

"Someone was walking past a moment ago. Someone's awake."

"Can we go back to my room?"

"For what?"

"I just want you. Time with you."

"Yeah, go ahead. I'll see you there."

Ten grunts and stands up, grabbing his towel and wrapping it tightly around himself. He doesn't bother drying himself off, he’s mostly dry already but he doesn’t care much for the trail of wet patches behind him. Someone will clean it up. He slips into his shower, quickly discarding his trunks and squeezing shampoo into his hair.

His breath hitches hearing the door open but he relaxes when he hears the bathroom door creak as it's pulled. Taemin joins him in the shower, wrapping his arms around his waist for a moment. He presses a few kisses along Ten's neck before he leans back.

His fingernails gently scratch Ten's scalp as he massages the shampoo in. Ten lets his head tilt back, sighing at the feeling, pressing back against Taemin as much as he dares. Taemin takes his time, making sure every single strand of hair has been caught by the shampoo before he steps back, gently pushing Ten further into the shower stream. Ten listens as Taemin opens the shampoo, washing his own hair for a moment.

It’s not long before his arms are wrapping around Ten’s waist, nestling into him under the shower stream. They both sigh, soft, content and Ten tilts his head back, leaning up. Taemin indulges him, kissing him gently.

There's more passion in this than usual; something hot and unseeded, unprecedented feelings pressing into his lips and Ten returns it. He can feel the care Taemin has for him, the feelings – dare he let himself believe, the love – and he hopes he's giving the same back to him. Taemin pulls back, pressing a few kisses up Ten's cheeks before he steps back, grabbing a bottle. Ten snickers. "That's body wash, not conditioner."

Taemin sticks his tongue out and puts it down; Ten grabs the conditioner, handing it back to him. Taemin clicks the bottle open and freezes, hearing banging on the door. Ten scowls and pokes his head out of the shower, anger running through him at the interruption. "What?"

"Hey, it's Jongin."

Taemin goes rigid and Ten shivers in the cold air starting to creep around him, outside of the shower jet, anger replaced with panic, anxiety and fear within mere split seconds, tendrils wrapping around him, colder than the air of the bathroom.

"What's up, hyung?"

"Have you seen Taemin?"

Ten freezes.

He really should say yes. He should do it, let Jongin know about this. They should stop playing with Jongin's feelings and let him know the truth.

"No, he probably went for a walk, maybe went to the practice room we have booked down the street. I've not been up for long. Haven’t left my room yet."

There's a sigh from the direction of the door and Ten closes his eyes.

He's nothing but a weak coward, looking out for his own selfish needs.

"Alright, thanks Ten."

"No problem, everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine, see you at breakfast."

Jongin walks away and Ten heaves a breath of relief as he hears the sound of his bedroom door shutting, stepping back into his shower block. Taemin wraps his arms around Ten's waist, pressing his head against Ten's shoulder. Ten grits his teeth, forcing tears down.

"We're going to ruin him, you know that?"

"I know."

"We need to tell him if this is going to continue."

"I know... I know."

Ten sighs and lets Taemin squeeze conditioner into his hair, making quick work of massaging it to suds before he does his own. Ten starts washing himself down, making sure the scent of chlorine is gone from his body before Taemin steals the sponge. Ten scoffs but leans against the wall, enjoying the warm water washing away his anxieties.

In here, nothing is wrong, it's just him and Taemin relaxing together. There's nothing wrong with group mates taking showers together – Baekhyun and Jongin crash all of their showers. They aren't doing anything wrong in the slightest.

Ten tells himself the lie a few more times before he stands up, more confident now he believes it, shutting the shower off. Taemin follows him across the room, taking a spare towel that Ten offers to him. They dry in silence; Ten disappears toward the closet, pulling on the first pair of boxers and jeans he finds on. He takes a moment to choose a shirt, but decides on a tank top, not bothered with anything else with the murky heat that Los Angeles brings. Taemin pulls his swim shorts back on and walks across the room, wrapping his arms around Ten's waist.

Ten leans against him, staring at their reflection in the mirror and his heart breaks, shattering into so many pieces that sit and ache, burning hot with want and sadness, knives in his chest that don’t let him draw breath properly.

They look perfect next to one another.

Ten raises an arm, gently cupping Taemin's cheek and they both let out a sigh; their voices mirror each other, love, lust, pure contentment.

Taemin grins. "I should fuck you in front of this mirror one time, make you see what you look like when I’m inside of you. Sends me fucking feral."

"Mm, perfect choice of word. You fuck like a bitch in heat."

Taemin snickers and presses a kiss to Ten's cheek, stepping back. "I need to get back before Jongin comes stalking this hallway again."

Ten nods and wraps his arms tightly around himself, licking his lips. "Am I seeing you tonight?"

Taemin shakes his head, throwing the towel he used in the vague direction of the bathroom. "Jongin's starting to get paranoid, over-judging everything, even what isn’t to do with… us, I need to spend tonight with him. But, he and Baekhyun are going sight seeing tomorrow evening, so I will have all the time in the world to make you forget how to do anything but lay on the bed moaning my name."

Ten shivers, a spark of electricity shooting up his spine, a soft stirring in his boxers. He pushes it down, swallowing. "That sounds... interesting."

Taemin winks over his shoulder, listening for anyone outside the door. When it's clear, he disappears, leaving Ten to sit on the bed. He waits, allowing time to pass before he too gets up and leaves his room, being as inconspicuous as possible. The last thing they need is someone else asking what they were doing that morning and making Jongin aware that Ten had straight up lied.

He greets Lucas in the hallway, both of them walking down to the kitchen area together. They don’t talk, Lucas still waking up. That goes out the window when Lucas leans in and… sniffs him.

Ten leans back, staring at him as he walks, eyes wide. "What the fuck."

"Weird. You smell like Taemin."

Ten's blood freezes for a moment, his breath freezing in his lungs. "I stole one of his jumpers last night, I was cold."

Lucas shrugs and sits down as they reach the kitchen, groaning loudly to announce his appearance and demand food of any kind. Baekhyun, the ever watchful leader of them all, easily slides some cereal and a Java Chip, the promotional coffee order to entice SuperM Supporters into whatever coffee shop can get away with it.

Ten watches how Taemin and Jongin linger in the corner, in their own little world, Taemin's fingers soft against Jongin's cheek, murmuring probably sweet nothings to one another. Ten lets his gaze fall on the way Jongin's arm is tight around Taemin's waist, holding him as close as he can in the small space and he feels his heart begin to thrum with jealousy.

Who does Jongin think he is?

He has to catch himself; Taemin isn't his. He's Jongin's. He is dating Jongin. They have been since they were sixteen. No one but him and Taemin know about their... arrangement.

He huffs softly and sits down, accepting an iced coffee slid across the table at him from Mark. With some form of coffee in his system, Lucas watches as Baekhyun walks by, snickering over his bowl of cereal, nudging Ten with his elbow. Ten rolls his eyes and focuses on sucking his straw, his eyes falling on Jongin and Taemin again.

Looking closer this time, there's a tension between them, something unspoken, forbidden and Ten shivers.

On one hand, he knows that Jongin is starting to get paranoid and anxious; he's starting to clue in that something isn't right. On the other hand, he hates himself, thrill seeping through him – if they break up, maybe he and Taemin could actually do something with whatever the hell they've started.

Ten purses his lips, eyes falling onto his drink.

Would that even be... good?

Taemin cheated on Jongin with him, is cheating on Jongin with him. Whilst Ten yearns with so much for something between them to blossom and actually happen, to wake up every morning to Taemin's face, could he handle the constant thoughts? Wondering where Taemin is when he's late from practice, who he might be with-

"Youhoo?" Ten jumps as Mark waves his hand in front of him. "Hello, earth to Ten?"

Ten grins sheepishly, sitting up. "Sorry, what was that?"

"Do you want to go sight seeing with me, Taeyong, Baekhyun and Jongin tomorrow?"

A pair of eyes falls on him and Ten doesn't need to look around. He doesn't need to glance upward, doesn't need to think about who’s eyes they are.

Taemin's gaze is heavy, bewitching, one you can always feel and he smiles. "No, I think I'm just going to do some drawing and catch up on sleep. I want to just have a day off without having to worry about fans and safety and not losing sight of the managers."

"But it's going to be our only day to go sight seeing!"

"I'm sure next time we get a long break we can jet over and do some stuff here or next time we’re promoting in the US."

Mark pouts, looking like he might argue, but returns to his conversation with Taeyong, whining about how Ten has betrayed them. He laughs softly but his gut churns.

Mark is... right.

Who the hell is he turning into? All the lies, the sneaking around, the secrecy; it's starting to change him, to morph his entire personality into something he can't recognise. Any other time, he would have jumped at the chance to go sight seeing with his friends, to have a laugh and to make memories.

He hates it. He despises it.

But he thinks about the way Taemin's lips feels against his own and he shivers. He loves it, as well, a constant battle between his morals, his wants, his lust; every inch of his being fights against one another, doing their best to come out on top.

And he's a monster for it.

He stands up silently as the manager begins herding them around, drifting behind the rest of the group slightly. Lucas slows down, not quite walking with him, but with that large smile over his shoulder as he chats to Taeyong, silently promising Ten he's still with the group.

Lucas is a gem; he’s a bright puppy that does his best for everyone in WayV and SuperM, never letting any of them feel alone or out of place, never lets anyone doubt themselves if he can help it, always there to try and make them smile if they need it.

Ten smiles softly. He doesn’t deserve it.

He bounces his leg as he waits to get into the mini van that will be carting them around all day.

He slides in, heart skipping a beat as he sees Baekhyun jump into the seat next to Jongin, sticking his tongue out at Taemin with a ha-ha I win ! Taemin laughs brightly, stepping back to slip into a seat set at the front, clearly opting to sit alone, probably to listen to music, go over dance moves in his head.

Ten's eyes slide to the side where Lucas, Mark and Taeyong are sat in two seats, Lucas leaning between the head rests of the seats in front to chat to them. He smiles at Ten, waving him over to sit next to him. Ten lets his legs take him forward only to stop, dropping into the seat next to Taemin. He hears the soft sound Lucas makes, guilt festering in his stomach, but the way Taemin shifts his leg, pressing them together quickly makes him forget it.

"You could go sight-seeing you know?"

"There is one sight I wish to see and I'm making sure I do see it."

Taemin quirks his lip, studying Ten's face. Ten can see it out of the corner of his eye. He opens his mouth to say something, to tease his hyung, to make him frustrated all day, wind him up so that tonight he gets utterly ravished, fucked until his bones leave his body and he passes out from pure pleasure.

And then the mini bus lurches forward and Ten shrieks, falling from his seat.

Taemin's hands are there suddenly, yelling at the driver to stop and the vehicle does, as quickly as it started.

Ten carefully pulls himself up, red faced and panting a little, glaring at his seat belt. Taemin's hand is on his cheek, tracing his lip and saying something, and it takes a moment for Ten to realise what he's saying. "You okay? You bit your lip or hit it on the seat in front. That looked hard."

Ten licks his lip, tasting the tang of the blood and grins weakly, plonking back into his seat, and this time, tightening his seat belt across his waist. Taemin pulls him in, rubbing his arm gently, helping him calm down from the shock as the managers' sigh. "Has everyone got their seatbelt on?"

There's a chorus of yes, manager-nim and Ten closes his eyes, embarrassed, refusing to look at anyone.

When he opens them, he doesn't miss the way Jongin's looking in the rear view mirror, eyes burning at the sight of Taemin's arm around Ten's shoulders. Baekhyun nudges him and Ten turns his head to listen as discreetly as he can.

He's looking after his dongsaeng. Relax, Jongin. You're getting too worked up over Taemin being a workaholic.

Ten hides his smile by focusing on his iPad in his lap.

"Jonginnie-ah!"

"Fucking don’t.”

Taemin freezes in the corner of the dance studio, casting quick eyes around the room. "Not here."

Ten watches them in the mirror; Lucas, Baekhyun, Mark and Taeyong are more preoccupied with their lunch. They’re on the other side of the room, probably too far away to hear them; Ten's in the middle of the floor, opting to collapse and not bother to move, asking his manager to bring his food over. He can move later on when he has to.

"What the fuck was that on the bus?"

"Jongin, not here , not now ."

"What the hell was it?"

"I was comforting our dongsaeng? What is your problem with that?"

"Why can't you just say that, why not right here or now? What are you hiding?"

"Jonginnie-ah." Taemin frowns softly, tilting his head. "I'm not hiding anything. And not here or now, because right now, the group doesn't need to worry about us. They were already on edge when they found out we were dating, and I think we owe it to them to keep our personal lives out of work. They don't need the stress of us hitting a rocky patch."

"Oh, so we are in a rocky patch?"

"Not so much rocky-"

"-Your words."

Taemin sighs softly. "Jongin-ah, let's just focus on getting lunch and practising. We can talk later when we get back to the villa, alright? I promise we can sit and talk it all out, but right now, we need to be the hyungs the group is looking up to and expecting better of us than sat in the corner like this."

Jongin purses his lips, staring at Taemin before he sighs and nods.

Ten swallows his smile down with his lunch.

He really shouldn't enjoy watching Jongin in so much turmoil – especially turmoil created by himself – but he can't help but enjoy and indulge on the fact he's not the only one in this twisted what-ever-this-could-be-called-triangle in so much emotional fuckery.

He focuses on his lunch and tries hard to ignore the way Taemin slots himself into Jongin's side, Jongin relaxing enough to pepper kisses across Taemin's hairline, legs tangling together naturally, as muscle memory as any dances that they know, a practised and cherished movement over the past eleven years.

He glances at the ceiling, hoping the universe can see his burning glare through the building for the – deserved but still painful – instant karma.

Ten huffs as Taemin joins him on the couch. His hand quickly finds its way to Ten's thigh and Taemin shifts, lying on his side, curled up slightly next to him, watching as Ten sketches. "What's are you drawing?"

"Some designs for a clothing brand."

"Oh, did someone hire you, Ten-ah?"

It's the same singsong, lilting tone he uses when trying to calm Jongin down, when reaching out to Jongin, voice bright with adoration and love, and Ten almost chews threw the straw on his drink.

"No, I want to release one. I’m thinking if I sketch everything up and then show it to Se Min or So Young or both of them then something might come of it, especially if I can find a distributor and something for them. If I make it as little work for them as possible they might let me release it.”

"That's amazing. These are all so gorgeous. I’ll never know how your brain comes up with these out of nowhere."

“I could say the same about your concepts.”

Taemin goes quiet, a slight blush on his cheeks as he takes in the design Ten’s drawn up for the t-shirt, staying silent as Ten changes symbol positioning and changes colours by a few hex codes, and just sits quietly, letting him work.

Ten eventually looks up, staring Taemin directly in the eyes. "Your hand is on my thigh."

"And it's only us two here. Or is it just distracting?"

Ten swallows.

It's true.

Everyone else has gone sight seeing, the managers electing to all go with them to keep an eye on them. At most, there might be a take out delivery driver if they opt for that, but other than that, they're the only souls here in the villa and only ones that'll be here for a good few hours.

It’s suddenly not so distracting having Taemin’s hand so high up his thigh, warm and soft.

Taemin reaches out with his spare hand, keeping a heavy pressure on Ten's thigh, gently tweaking Ten's fringe out of his eyes.

"Movie, some pizza, and then retreat to your room? Or would you rather spend more time working on your designs?"

Ten swallows.

Oh, Taemin’s the most perfect partner he could think of. The want and lust, the desperation for him but the more than willingness to let Ten do his own thing, do the things he wants to do. Taemin would likely sit and watch a horror movie, maybe with them cuddled up as Ten works on his drawings, waiting patiently for Ten to say now , never putting any pressure for them to disappear and tangle up in the sheets. He’ll wait until the apocalypse comes for Ten to say yes, to wait for Ten to cheekily stand up and wink at him as he looks towards his room. It’s not like the movies where there’s the demand and need to rush off and get into bed, time ticking away.

Taemin’s never let any of that happen. Not once. Never since this started. He’s so… supportive of everything Ten wants to do, had offered to help Ten with dance moves whenever he speaks about a solo debut, to offer help with concepts or song writing, or anything. The supportive lover. The supportive hyung.

Whichever it is, he doesn’t know any more, but supportive is the one thing that Taemin most definitely is.

And it’s right now, in this instance, as Taemin asks so genuinely, eyes sincere and a smile on his face, that Ten is realising he’s way deeper in this than he first realised.

This isn’t just a little affair, not for him, and for how long, he doesn’t know. He’s falling in love with Lee Taemin and this is a problem. A very, very big problem.

He’s long since forgotten what morals are. His susin , his Ṣ̄īlṭhrrm. He can't remember the Mandarin word, as much as he can't remember what they're supposed to be as he nods, breathless from the suggestion.

Taemin smiles and kisses his temple and pulls his phone out.

They shift on the couch, not needing to sit and dictate, or even take a second to figure out the Tetris game of limbs on limbs.

Ten dutifully curls up in Taemin's lap, his iPad discarded, head against Taemin's shoulder, forehead gently against his throat. His voice is hushed, quiet in the moment, translating what the restaurants close by sell.

It takes them about ten minutes to decide where to order from, laughing as they start talking about maybe some Thai, and oh but that sushi restaurant sounds good, and oh what’s this Wimpy burger?

They eventually makes an order, laughing at how long it took them before Ten blushes, watching Taemin open his camera.

They both sit up, pouting slightly at the camera and take a few in quick succession before Ten ends up lying on Taemin’s chest, a photo of Taemin’s lips pressed into the top of Ten’s head.

His heart sinks when Taemin opens the Instagram app, selecting new post and picking the one of them sat up, pouting at the camera.

There’s nothing wrong with Taemin posting a picture of him and his dongsaeng. He knows there is nothing wrong with Taemin sharing time with his group members. That’s all his hyung is doing; posting about how everyone left them at the villa but oh well because they get to have burgers tonight whilst the managers will make them eat healthily whilst they discover the city.

Deep down, he knows it's a lie. What Taemin is doing is making it sound like they’re just friends and group mates, having a laugh, maybe getting to know each other a tiny bit, and letting fans have a moment of solace in the upcoming debut. He’s teasing the line between friend and immoral lover so that fans might defend him if it ever becomes public. He’s making sure everyone sees it as nothing but two group members having a night off. Something that might save his skin if the general public ever found out.

Ten swallows. "Do you think Jongin would go to the press?"

Taemin's fingers falter as he types on his phone before looking up. He pauses, looking back down to hit the post button before he sits up a little. "And risk outing himself and ruining EXO, SuperM and half his brand relationships? No."

"And what if he does?"

"Then all three of us go down in some burning flame and pray that SM can play their cards right to save our asses."

"I don't want to be that member of WayV, Taemin."

"Then leave."

Taemin doesn't do anything to stop him leaving. He sits on his phone, liking the odd comment on his post, opening KakaoTalk and opening his group chat with his own hyungs.

Ten has every chance to stand up and go to his room and end this. He can do it.

He bends his legs, placing his hands on the couch behind him so he can swivel around and stand up.

But his body won't let him.

He always saw cheating scandals and always wondered why they just never stopped or broke it off or whatever.

But he understands now, his body surging forward to grab Taemin's chin and kiss him hard.

He can’t lose this, as much as it makes him hate himself. He simply can’t lose Taemin. Not this far in.

Taemin drops his phone, both of them ignoring the sound of it clattering to the floor, kissing back just as hard. Ten finds himself crushed between the couch and Taemin’s body. He presses his hips up, gasping, groaning, trying to get more, trying to find purchase, trying to find breath, trying to lose himself before they both jump out of their skin.

Their heads turn to the sound of the front door opening, Lucas’ hearty laugh, Mark saying something about being okay and Taemin jumps to his feet. Ten grabs his iPad, his drink, and is on the move, heading to his room whilst Taemin heads into the kitchen. Ten sees him at the bottom of the hall, tilting his head and quirking his eyebrow, innocently asking why they’re back so early.

“Taeyong-ah got sick from a bad hot dog so we bought him home. Baekhyun and Jongin are still sight seeing, they’ll be back later.”

Ten watches for a moment as Taemin lets out a soft aah , helping get Taeyong sat down and get him some water, the ever doting, worrying hyung in an instant and not the malicious heartbreaker that they almost just walked in on. The homewrecker that Ten is. The monster that they both are that no one but they know.

The three would never know what was happening just moments before.

He lets himself into his room, locks the door, throws himself onto his bed and lets himself cry, cold and alone on his bed.

When Taemin knocks on the door, gently holding the take out bags, they both smile, silent as Ten takes the bag. They don’t need to say anything for Taemin to nod and head back to the room he shares with Jongin.

Their debut goes smoothly enough, at least.

Jongin and Taemin’s off stage attitude doesn’t seem to affect the on stage going ons, or the interviews or the fan signs and fans are absolutely none the wiser that something seems to be happening between the two – to their knowledge – friends.

However, Ten finds that things are most definitely not as good as Taemin quietly promises him as they pass in the hallway. Taemin would have him believe that there is nothing wrong between he and Jongin, that their relationship is completely fine and Ten can relax.

And Ten appreciates it, his anxiety somewhat quelled to a minor gut churning feeling here and there rather than something threatening to run him down.

Until, one night, when they blow up on one another.

Taemin was sat next to Taeyong, showing him some videos and pointing out some dancing things, professional level stuff that the fans would never notice but they noticed amongst themselves, the tiniest mistakes that they themselves want out their routines, for themselves and no one else..

Lucas and Mark were having an in-depth conversation about rapping, discussing flows and breaths and helping each other with a few bars here and there as they worked on making themselves sound as spotless as possible.

Baekhyun was looking over managerial paperwork, looking over the next few days of schedules, making notes, talking quietly down the phone because no, this needs to change, there needs to be a longer lunch break and being such a caring and dutiful manager that Ten can’t think of anyone else in the group that could do it with the same finesse and demanding authority that Baekhyun has.

Ten, on the other hand, was supposed to be working with Jongin on dancing, but his hyung barely spoke, not really listening to Ten’s questions and he huffed a little. He again, prompted Jongin about a ballet question, a foot technique he’d like to start incorporating into his spins, but the question falls on narrowed, angry eyes and a closed mouth, never opening to answer.

They were meant to be doing a group session to help one another before their last few performances. It was group-professional bonding, hyungs and dongsaengs getting closer through a shared medium, learning from one another and aiding each other grow as artists. Afterwards, they would have some unprofessional bonding time, a movie night, probably as they all laughed together.

They would be heading back to South Korea soon and then they’d split for their own schedules, so this was really one of the last times they had to cram knowledge from their hyungs or fellow positions who had been doing this longer, or learn a new trick from the dongsaengs.

Ten was about to suggest that he and Jongin take a break and that he needed a drink anyway, a lie lined up in case Jongin got embarrassed about having to stop but then Jongin had stood, sharply, causing all eyes in the room to fall on him, all talk to falter and slowly stop, silence taking over the room.

“Are you fucking Taeyong? Is that it?”

Silence falls over the group as his eyes bore into Taemin’s. Taemin opens his mouth and closes it again, blinking, eyes wide, looking like a fish out of water, whilst Taeyong’s face drops. He shakes his head, jumping up and babbling about no, no, I’m not doing anything with Taemin-hyung , but Jongin isn’t listening.

“I asked you a goddamn question, Taemin.”

Taemin blinks, seeming to get over his shock and shakes his head. “What?”

“Are. You. Fucking. Taeyong.”

“ No , what kind of fucked up incredulous accusation is that? He’s with Mark.”

There’s a moment of silence for a second where Ten casts his eyes over to the two, both of them frozen, cheeks deep red. Lucas blinks, lost trying to follow the group with the quick Korean.

“You two are not as subtle as you seem,” Taemin blinks at Mark and Taeyong before he looks back at Jongin. “I am not fucking , as you so crudely put it, anyone. Only you. Where the hell did that come from?”

Baekhyun makes his way over, weariness on his face as he takes in the scene. Ten slides down in his chair a little, hoping his guilt isn’t written all over his face, showing the roller coasters it’s currently doing in his lower intestine.

“I know it’s someone , just tell me who it is!”

“Jongin,” Taemin blinks up at him, face so perfectly, naturally confused as he blinks up at his partner. “I’m not with anyone else.”

Ten knows it’s far too late now. Whatever Taemin’s reasons for this, whatever Ten’s own reasons for this, there’s no turning back now. Unless this is Taemin’s way of breaking it off with him.

“Then, God, what is it? What the hell are you hiding, always always busy unless one of the kids needs your help, but never here whenever I want to spend time with you? Never to be found in the morning, late at night, having secret giggles with Ten and Baekhyun and Lucas?”

Taemin blinks. “Schedules. We’re on schedules. We have new dances and songs to master. I’m practising. Just like I do every time I have a schedule. We all have different ways of going around our dancing techniques and our singing techniques. All of us, so do you. I could ask you the same about when you’re holed up in the recording studio working out ideas for your debut, but I don’t. Because I trust you.”

“You’ve done something for me not to trust you like this and you know it-”

“-Alright.” Baekhyun claps his hands, causing all eyes to fall to him. “I think that’s enough for right now. Jongin, Taemin, why don’t you two go back to your room for a little bit and why don’t us lot go for a walk down to that nice burger place? You two need some space and we do not need to be privy to this. We’ll bring you two something back, yeah? We have an interview and a fan sign tomorrow, we need to be on our game. Sort it out.”

Everyone quickly stands, Taemin and Jongin avoiding looking at each other as they nod at Baekhyun’s words.

Ten follows Lucas to the hallway to get his coat and shoes. His heart is trying to escape his chest, thrumming up his throat only for him to swallow it back down, for it to viciously launch back into it.

The group is barely out of the door before the fight starts again, Jongin yelling this time, Taemin screaming back.

Ten closes his eyes and walks next to Lucas, trying to pretend that his lungs aren’t about to stop working and he might bend over and be ill here and now. Dread hangs over his heart, his lungs, his head and he prays that none of them realise it as they start the short walk away from the villa. Lucas smiles at him, as always, slinging an arm around Ten’s shoulders and pulling him into the conversation he’s having with Taeyong and Mark about what do you mean you two are dating . He’s grateful, using his friend’s shoulder to stop him dropping with the dizziness he’s feeling.

The last of their schedules are... painfully awkward.

For what they’re worth, the years of professionalism and work ethic showing their true colours, Taemin and Jongin play it up on stage, looking to one another, being the soft friends that some people have started supporting SuperM to see. They smile at one another, help each other with their nerves in front of the cameras, play around and are their… normal selves.

But once the camera crews leave, and half of the remaining staff helping them out of their outfits and with their microphones are staff that they all know that came with them from South Korea?

The air changes. The atmosphere of the very planet itself changes, Taemin sat on the left of the mirrors as he viciously scrubs his make up off, muttering under his breath, and leaving the room, slamming doors whilst he goes to find a water bottle. Jongin scowls to the furthest right of the dressing tables, looking like he might break his own, grimly silent, not even bothering to answer questions thrown at him about literally anything.

When they had gotten back that night, the living room and kitchen area had been trashed. The argument had obviously gotten physical to a degree and Baekhyun had worriedly disappeared. He didn’t bother to look over the damage to the rooms, rushing to the hallway with their rooms.

Taeyong had quietly started cleaning up a smashed mug, clearly lobbed at the wall.

And then Jongin had started screaming at Baekhyun through the door because what the fuck do you even care and when he tried to talk to Taemin, holed up in Mark’s empty room, Taemin told him politely, curtly and loudly to just fuck off . That had been it.

At breakfast, they said nothing to anyone.

At practice, they only spoke if absolutely necessary, if a question or statement was directed to them or they were asked to give advice.

That was all the contact they had with anyone else in the group. Ten heard nothing from Taemin over the days as they lagged on. He was grateful, however, that the entire group was being waylaid by a dark cloud above them, his own mixing in with theirs, inconspicuous as to why he was so anxious. The days lagged on, the cloud over the group obvious to the managers and no matter how many managers tried to help with the situation, it only seemed to grow bigger. It was nerve racking, all of them silently asking if SuperM would actually survive this.

It’s the day they fly back to South Korea that Ten finally breaks. He can’t handle the guilt festering in his stomach any more, for once, his thoughts of telling Jongin not to take Taemin for himself , but to be entirely honest about a fucked up situation that’s gotten much too far out of hand.

He goes looking for Jongin, intending to tell him the truth, the emotions and feelings so far away from his brain with Taemin not visiting him. He can think clearly now, and the main thought he’s having is to tell Jongin that he’s not making stuff up, that he’s right because he would want someone to do the same for him.

Jongin needs to know.

He stumbles into the kitchen to find Taemin and Jongin in the corner, gently kissing at one another and whispering apologies. That honestly they only have eyes for one another. Taemin swearing he could never do that to Jongin. They hit a rough patch working together so closely, putting a wrench in their normal dynamics, but they can work it out and figure out how to get stronger from this. They always figure out how to get stronger from these things, it’s how they’ve worked so well after so long.

Ten blinks and watches them for a moment, the words on the tip of his tongue. His courage leaves him, dissipating quicker than a water bottle after a performance and he swallows his words back down. Heading back to his room, he packs his suitcase quietly, keeping to himself.

Taemin doesn’t text him when they get back to South Korea.

Ten didn’t expect contact during the first few days, knowing more than like that Taemin and Jongin would be spending time together, Taemin tying closed the frayed endings of Jongin’s nerves.

But he didn’t expect or even think that there would be absolutely nothing from his hyung.

Taemin posts pictures on Instagram from Los Angeles, but the only ones of him and Ten are ones that were taken at events, when they weren’t tangled in some deep web of lies. He never posts any of the cheeky, behind-everyone’s-backs affair images that he was so fond of posting in the villa.

Ten blinks at each update and comments on them. He comments after Taeyong or Jongin or Baekhyun have commented, never the first, never the last. He’s the first SuperM member to comment once – only because he had just posted a story and was clearly online. It’d be weird if he waited hours for someone else to comment.

The replies Taemin gives him always so strangely formal, friendly and like two group mates talking to one another, but with none of that hidden feeling Taemin would usually write them with. Usually there’d be a specific emoji, a typo, something, their own secret code.

It never shows up.

Ten finds himself sulking in his room more than he would like.

They’re back in South Korea for three weeks when Taemin finally texts him. Taemin’s mid preparations for Never Gonna Dance Again . Jongin is busy making final preparations for MMMH . WayV is getting ready for NCT 2020.

They’re all busy and there’s no chance for any cross examination with their schedules, Ten realises. Even if he wanted to talk to Jongin, then there was no hope for him to really get Jongin alone to tell him properly for weeks.

Taemin planned it, down to the second, probably.

I can’t do this. I love Jongin. I fucked up in Los Angeles. I can’t do this to him. I can’t kill him like this. We’re just group mates and it should have never gone further than that. I can’t do this any more and I’m so sorry.

Ten reads the message over and over again, sat in a chair waiting for the make up noonas. He blinks at it, wondering what to really make of it. He knew this would be coming eventually; it was the most likely option after being found out. A make up artist asks him to lift his head and he grins, lifting his head and locking his phone as quickly as possible, preventing any peeping eyes from seeing the message.

He sits there, thinking about the text, running it over in his head.

His first response is anger.

How dare Taemin string him along like this, drag him into this, make this about them and then make a decision like this without him. He can’t do that, he refuses to let Taemin do that.

Once his make up is done and he’s sat on the dressing room couch, waiting to be called for a photo shoot, he opens the SuperM group chat. He opens the image attachment, selecting one of the rare photos of him and Taemin kissing, brief and rare memories of what happened. He’s about to hit send when he gets called through to shoot. He rushes off.

There’s numerous times throughout the day, he almost sends some of the photos, in varying degrees of level of affair, proving their relationship, not caring what it might do, but calls to meetings and photo shoots stop him.

When he gets back to the dorm, he reads the text again, this time, jealously burning through him, hot and heavy, lead in his veins. Taemin was as much his as he was Jongin’s. How dare Jongin steal Taemin from him?

He remembers something that his mother told him, in the moment, to stay away from things that weren’t his. But well, this wasn’t the case here, he muses.

After all, really, Taemin isn’t Jongin’s at all. He really isn’t.

Was Taemin really Jongin’s if he wanted Ten so bad?

Jongin’s getting on his nerves.

He opens his chat with Jongin and sends a brief fuck you , turning his phone off and tossing it across his room.

Grief hits him, coming out in an ugly, garbled scream-sob that has his door bursting open. Kun stares at him and all Ten can do is reach his arms out, clinging to his leader as he breaks down, half-arsing a story about a bad break up between heaving breaths and sobs.

When he sees Jongin the next day, and his hyung asks him about the text, concerned he might have done something to offend Ten, Ten bites his tongue and bows, apologising deeply because he meant to send it to the person below Jongin in his chat and he couldn’t see clearly enough to click the right chat bubble.

Jongin nods and laughs a little, patting his shoulder and telling him it’s okay, it happens and he’s done it before. Ten stays bowed until Jongin walks away, hurried on by Youngjun telling him he has a photo shoot.

It’s a week after Taemin breaks up with him that Ten finds himself sat on the outskirts of a group filming. He’s more than aware that he’s been isolating himself bit by bit, not really realising it until he forgets to get his lunch, Yang Yang coming over to give it to him and then skittering off, nervous.

He lifts a hand and feels his facial expression, wincing. How long he’s looked so angry, he’s not sure, but he can’t begin to imagine what his group must be feeling like, skirting around him for fear his apparent anger might burst out.

He wants to walk over to the and apologise. He wants to tell them that it’s not them he’s angry at. But then they might ask a question or two.

And Ten is too tired.

He’s too tired to keep his lies in check and he opts that keeping his mouth shut is better than risking everything blowing up in his face.

Lucas suddenly sits next to him, bringing Ten’s attention up to him with a raised eyebrow. Most of NCT have been opting to leave him alone – and not just for his current resting bitch face. They can feel his misery coming off of him in waves, and Ten is usually the person to cope alone and then come talk when he feels ready.

He doesn’t miss the quiet yelled Kun and the way someone points over to them and oh, oh he hates it. They’re monitoring him, making sure he doesn’t blow up on Lucas whilst he processes his emotions.

Pure fury courses around his body at Taemin; how dare his hyung pull him into such a twisted, curious, secretive dance and then throw him off stage, into a river, never having told Ten they were on a water platform in the first place, leaving Ten to drown whilst he laughs and continues his dance with Jongin.

Lucas opens his mouth a few times before he takes a deep breath, rumbling Chinese leaving his throat, pulling Ten out of his thoughts.

“I know you’re not okay right now.”

“Thanks, Sherlock.”

Lucas looks at him, wounded, and Ten bites his lip, drawing a breath and hanging his head.

Lucas takes a moment and continues. “I know that you aren’t ready to talk about it but I was… do you want to grab dinner some time?”

Ten blinks at him, eyebrow raising a little. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Only if you want it to be. It could be friends getting a meal. Whatever you want it to be.” Lucas smiles weakly, looking away, obviously shy.

Ten purses his lips as he thinks. This is probably the best way to get over Taemin. God, it’s not what he wants. But Lucas is attractive, funny, so sweet, and Ten could definitely fall for him in the future. Maybe this is what he needs; moving on from Taemin and falling head over heels for someone who actually cares about him.

Ten manages a smile as Lucas looks back. “Yeah. Sure. I think I’d like a date.”

Ten falls into bed with Lucas one night after a long stressful day of filming. It’s Lucas who presses his lips to Ten’s, keeping it sweet and soft, but with a hidden ferocity lying underneath. Ten opens his mouth, uses his tongue to entice Lucas, pressing his hips up. Lucas takes a deep breath through his nose and it’s not long until their clothes are on the floor, Ten’s ass is in the air and Lucas’ fingers are in him, stretching and curling, causing sinful sounds to slip from Ten’s lips.

Lucas groans in his ear, tells him how beautiful he sounds and Ten bites his lip as the echo of Taemin telling him how pretty and perfect he is ricochets around his head.

He gets hard too quickly thinking about Taemin, with Lucas inside him and guilt festers in his body.

But it feels the same; it’s the same dark secret he can’t tell anyone because if he did he’d be the asshole; lust conjoins with it, wrapping around his ankles, pulling them further open, inviting Lucas in.

When Lucas does pull back and gently push into Ten, he’s really glad that Lucas prefers doggy style. Lucas is slightly rough, a hesitant hand in Ten’s hair. Ten nods, Lucas shoving his face into the pillow as he fucks slowly and deeply into him.

Ten moans into the pillow as their bodies conjoin. Lucas bites into his neck and Ten shivers, pressing back to him.

It feels good, so good, but not in the way that Ten wants it to.

Under Lucas’ lips is the ghost feeling of Taemin’s, moving up and down his jugular, whispering dirty thoughts and sweet nothings and broken promises. Lucas’ dirty murmurs of what a sweet little thing he is remind him of the praise Taemin would drink down upon him, overflowing his glass, making sure that Ten always has something to drink. When Lucas catches his prostate, Ten sees Taemin’s face behind his eyelids, jaw slack in amazement as he watches Ten squirm and dance on his fingers.

When he accidentally moans Taemin’s name as he cums, Lucas doesn’t hear it, lost in his own pleasure, chasing his own orgasm and Ten’s silk pillowcase hides his filthy secret from the world.

It’s effective enough, Ten finds, lying in bed with Lucas, crushed under the weight of the man above him as he sleeps, fucked out and content with Ten in his arms. There’s familiarity here, there’s no thoughts of Taemin when they sleep like this. Lucas’ broad stature, wide shoulders, deep rumbling voice as he sleep talks brings him nothing of the smaller stature, skinnier, smooth honey toned dancer he had previously spent his nights.

He’s starting to feel like himself again.

Of course, he’s not fully there. It’s a strange balance between feeling like he’s with Taemin again, sexual deviancy and lust meshing as Lucas and he learn each others bodies, whisper crude things to one another and oh does Ten’s praise kink go off the charts with Lucas, just like it did with Taemin.

But he’s also starting a fresh relationship with Lucas. Entirely brand new, unprecedented things he could never do with Taemin.

They go to the gym together, and giggle and challenge one another. Lucas does press ups with Ten one time, making the dancer shriek and laugh bright and loud.

Lucas helps him train his rapping skill. Ten finally hits a flow he had been hoping for and Lucas rewards him with a gentle press of a kiss to his temple.

Ten helps him train his dance skill. Lucas manages a difficult spin he’s been trying to do for months now. Ten leans up on his tiptoes to press a gentle kiss to his lips and Lucas holds him tight and heavy against his body, no care that the rest of their group is cooing around the practice room.

They go to the movies together; they tease each other over their movie picks and judge one another's movie snacks and Ten tells Lucas his slushie choice is disgusting before he ends up drinking half of it.

They go out for meals, hidden dates, and smile. Lucas loves Thai food, his parents ran a Thai restaurant. Ten takes him to the best hidden Thai restaurants around Seoul that he’s never taken anyone else to.

It’s sweet, nothing like he could ever have with Taemin. With Taemin, he was in the shadows, tiptoeing on eggshells, desperate to not let out any tiny hint that something was going on between them. They were terrified that all the little tiny forbidden things they were doing would risk spilling out to the whole world.

With Lucas, Ten is a man being saved from a basement, locked up for years, flourishing in the sunlight and finally getting to know himself again. There’s nothing to hide.

And he wouldn’t change any of the sneaky thigh pats and forehead kisses in a darkened movie theatre for any of it.

It’s two months of him and Lucas screwing the nights away, burning their time off away with one another that Lucas looks at Ten.

They’re in Lucas’ room, lying on the bed, cuddled up together and watching whatever movie Netflix had started playing after they finished the last one. They had decided to take the time to sit and watch some, helping Lucas with his English for the upcoming SuperM brand promotions they’d been told about, designating the time as English speaking only.

Lucas had just been playing gently with Ten’s hair, stroking down his cheek, his jaw line.

Taemin’s ghost fingers followed them down his skin, giving Ten shivers.

Then the movement had stopped and Ten looked up, frustrated.

“Ten?”

“Yeah, Cas?”

“Do you… Do you want to make things professional?”

Ten frowns a little at Lucas’ English, tilting his head. “What do you mean, professional?”

Lucas burns bright red, realising he’s messed up his English and Ten smiles, gently leaning up to kiss his cheek. “Just use Chinese. It’s easier for us both, for now.”

Lucas laughs a little, that bright, puppy laugh, booming and echoing that Ten could really see himself falling for sooner or later.

“I meant, do you want to make things official .”

“What are you asking?”

“Ten-ah… I’d… I’d really like it if you were my boyfriend.”

Ten blinks. He blinks again. And then he’s surging off the bed, a mess of disjointed limbed, a garbled excuse about needing a moment and he really needs the bathroom as he gets out of the room. Fear echoes around his body as if he’s a chamber, completely empty. Fear of what, he doesn’t know.

Every pressure in the world is falling on top of him and he swallows bile as he leans against the wall next to Lucas’ door.

Fear of not being available for Taemin if the man ever wants him again. His mind tells him the answer, mocking him in the crevices of his brain, taunting him that no matter how much progress he had made away from Taemin that, really, he was addicted to the dance excel that had spun into his life and just so aggressively spun right back out.

He can’t do it. He thought he could; he thought that slowly learning to love Lucas would help him, get him out of this but, oh, he was wrong. He’s been stringing Lucas along for months without even knowing it himself.

And the guilt festers again, crawling around his stomach like decrypt cockroaches, gnawing at his intestines. He needs to break this off, now, before it’s even worse and messier, for Lucas’ sake.

When he walks back in, Lucas is already staring dejectedly at his laptop screen. Ten gingerly sits on the bed, looking at the wall next to Lucas’ head, swallowing.

“I’m sorry, you just caught me. Off guard.”

Lucas looks up a little, raising an eyebrow.

“I… I’m not ready for a relationship right now, Cas. Maybe in the future, but right now I… I just can’t.”

Lucas nods a little, taking the time to digest it and Ten rubs the back of his neck. He licks his lips, saying little apologies and he really thought he was ready and he wouldn’t have done this if he knew that he wasn’t before he leaves, knowing Lucas more than likely wants Ten out of his sight.

For the first time in months, he sleeps in his own bed alone, and sobs into his pillowcase.

In the morning, he doesn’t miss how Kun and Yang Yang are off with him and the way Lucas’ eyes are puffy as he stares down at his breakfast.

Ten spends most of his time alone in his room. He knows it’s the safest bet right now, only ever emerging to make himself something to eat or show up to a schedule. He doesn’t miss how his group mates tend to only post pictures of him when it’s something to do with him or if he’s in the background. They don’t post any pictures with him just to hype him up now; his Instagram tags never ping him any more.

His entire dynamic with the group has changed, he’s aware of that. It’s startlingly obvious when he appears in the kitchen and they all go silent, refusing to continue their conversation until he’s left, not giving him any potential chance to join in their happiness or sorrow. Not that he would join in if he was given the chance.

They’re furious with him, dragging Lucas down with him in whatever emotional bullshit he’s been going through. He took Lucas with him, and did the same thing Taemin did to him.

He clawed his way out of the water and found his own platform to dance on, invited Lucas to dance with him then sent him plummeting into the freezing depths below without a life jacket.

He played with Lucas’ feelings. He knows that. He toyed with Lucas, treated him as some object to feel anything again in the numbness Taemin left behind.

And he feels like shit.

He should have done better. He needed to have done better. He let sweet, loving Lucas down. He played with him and hurt him and it’s the new source of his tears as he cries himself to sleep.

He doesn’t recognise himself any more. He still hasn’t changed back from what Los Angeles turned him into. He hasn’t been Ten for a long time and he’s not sure if he’ll ever be Ten again.

And he hates Taemin for it.

He hates Jongin.

But mostly, he hates himself.

Ten is about to turn in for the night when his phone chimes. He glances at it out of the corner of his eye, lighting up on his night stand and he sighs. He doesn’t want to look at it, doesn’t really have much care for whatever anyone might have to say.

No one really talks to him any more, unless it’s about an upcoming schedule and if they do, their tone is clear enough that they’re still pissed off with him. Which he can’t complain about, really. He knows he deserves it. It doesn’t make it any less harder, though, seeing how everyone has shut him out.

He tries to calculate how long it’s been… The math takes a while but he gets there, blinking a little in shock. Three weeks.

Three weeks since he hurt Lucas. Since he tore the loving beautiful boy down and dragged him into this web of deceit and pain without him knowing.

He sighs and grabs his phone, clicking the lock button, simply choosing to determine if it can wait for the morning or not. He’s tired and he’s not in the mood to deal with everyone’s bullshit at the moment.

He shoots upright when he sees a KakaoTalk from Taemin, heart thumping in his chest as he opens it.

I miss you

Ten hesitates, fingers poised over his keyboard. He wonders if it’s a good idea to reply; this can’t lead anywhere good but oh. Oh, he misses Taemin. And Taemin’s missing him . He blinks a little, hearing the sound of trainers of wood in his head, the dance on that precariously balanced floating platform starting up again. His fingers move, knowing he has no chance to stop this dance again, not after the past few months.

I miss you too. I hate you.

I hate myself too

What do you want?

Jongin’s staying at the EXO dorms for a few days whilst he works on his debut. Come over.

For what

I don’t know

Ten stares at the phone, at the text message and knows he shouldn’t reply. He really knows he shouldn’t reply. He should toss his phone onto his desk and clamber back into bed and shut Taemin out.

He knows, he knows what that I don’t know means. It’s the same I don’t know from Los Angeles. He knows what Taemin is inviting him over for. Especially with the mention of Jongin not being there for a while.

His fingers and body move on their own accord, typing almost frantically as he scrambles out of bed to get dressed.

I’ll be there in like 20

It's… incredibly awkward, Ten finds.

They sit curled up on separate ends of Taemin’s couch, Kkoong curled up asleep between them both, making terrible small talk, watching television, both of them ignoring they could be called in for an early start. It’s horrible. The apprehension in the air is haunting to both of them; Ten can see how tense Taemin is from the corner of his eye.

He sighs and stands, shaking himself off and saying that he’s going to head back to the dorms. He starts explaining that he might be called in to re-record something, swallowing a little as he starts walking for the door.

Taemin’s hand darts out, gripping Ten’s wrist and staring up at him.

Ten dares to look.

Longing. Want. Lust. Begging. Care. Affection.

Ten doesn’t need the tug Taemin gives his wrist to shoot down and latch their lips together.

The kiss is bruising, hard, and Ten is pretty sure one of his teeth gets knocked out of place as they press closer to one another. It doesn’t take long for them to be shifting, desperately trying to move together, walking through the living room.

Taemin sheds Ten’s jacket with ease, pulls back just long enough to yank his shirt up and then both of the yelp as they end up on the floor, the back of Ten’s legs backing into the coffee table. They end up in a tangled mess on the floor, laying there, panting, before Taemin sits up. He covers his mouth with the back of his wrist, taking slow, deep breaths.

“I shouldn’t have asked you here, I’m sorry.”

Ten grunts, frustrated and shoots upright, yanking Taemin’s wrist from his mouth and slamming their mouths back together.

Ten’s lost Taemin once and he… he can’t lose him again.

Taemin makes a noise of protest, hands splayed against Ten’s chest to push him away… but then he moans, shoving Ten to the floor, straddling him, pulling back to gasp for air. His hands start working on Ten’s belt, licking his lips.

“I shouldn’t have started this again, fuck. I’m sorry.”

Ten closes his eyes, the oh so familiar feelings washing over him. Guilt, pain, want, need. He groans, like a man stuck in the blistering desert, a surprise rain shower cascading over him and he shivers.

He lifts his hips, letting Taemin get his jeans and boxers off and then he yelps, covering his mouth with a whimper as Taemin’s lips wrap around his tip. Tears well in his eyes.

Lucas blew him before, numerous times, but oh , there’s nothing that could ever compare to the way Taemin’s lips feel around him. Taemin head bobs quickly and it’s all Ten can do to fuck up, feeling the way Taemin gags, Ten whining louder as his hands drop from his mouth.

He’s not sharing a villa with his group mates.

It’s just him and Taemin.

He can be as loud as he wants, let Taemin know all the things he’s doing to him. Let his hyung hear him and praise him and tell him what an amazing man he is.

He groans Taemin’s name as loud as he wants to, hands fisting in his hyung’s hair and forcing him down deeper. The noise he makes as his tip hits the back of Taemin’s throat is inhumane as bliss violently rips through him, feeling the way Taemin moans and whimpers on him. His back arches but Taemin forces his hands away, grabbing his wrists to pull him upright, planting their lips together.

Ten despairs in how close his orgasm was, shivering as Taemin tugs him close, sighing gently against Ten’s lips. “I have lube in the bedroom. And all night.”

Ten doesn’t need to be told twice to scramble to his feet and follow Taemin.

When they do eventually collapse on the sheets, gasping for air, bodies loose and relaxed from their orgasms, Ten notices the time says four in the morning as his conscious mind gives up on being awake.

Ten wakes up in the morning with the sheets pooled around his hips and Taemin gently kissing at his throat. He hums softly, tilting his head so that Taemin can get a better angle, shivering.

He feels like he’s home, their bodies pressed together like this, Taemin nosing up his neck, and he lets out a contented sigh.

It’s not long before he rolls over, grinning at Taemin and Taemin blinks up at him, confused, before he returns the cheeky smile, the first of many rounds of lazy morning sex starting.

Ten loses track of how long he stays at Taemin’s. They fall into a routine. Morning sex getting them both loose and relaxed for the day before they shower together. They have breakfast and keep up with the news. Ten helps feed and look after Kkoong. They order in for lunch, enjoying it on Taemin's backyard porch.

They cook dinner together, laughing and giggling, Ten teaching Taemin how to cook here and there which mostly ends up in him saving dinner from whatever disaster Taemin somehow creates.

They spend lazy evenings on the couch watching Netflix before they end up in Taemin’s bed – in their bed – fucking the night away until they’re exhausted and fall asleep in a tangled sticky mess of limbs.

Ten doesn’t think he’s ever been so happy.

Jongin carefully enters Taemin’s apartment, dropping his gym bag by the door, as silent as he can. He smiles to himself and shuts the door, locking it and checking the alarm. He turns it off with hurried fingers, with barely seconds to spare before he toes his shoes off. He pushes them underneath the shoe rack slightly, making sure they aren’t in the way before he heads deeper down the hallway.

Excitement thrums through his veins as he heads to the bedroom door, unable to wait on surprising Taemin. Not texting him on the drive here was one of the hardest things of his life, not telling anyone in case they accidentally let it slip to his lover, forced to sit on the secret like a toddler with a wide beaming smile to anyone who saw him.

The glow under Taemin’s door tells him that the man is most definitely awake, confirming his previous suspicions he would be around this late.

Jongin isn’t supposed to be here, both of them having agreed to seeing each other on the weekend when Jongin’s MMMH schedules eased up. They’d made the decision so that Jongin could catch up on sleep, be well rested and to fully enjoy his few days off with Taemin. Right now, it was two in the morning on Wednesday-Thursday, whatever day it was, and Taemin would be so ecstatic to see him. He knows it, deep in his gut.

He braces himself, waiting for a very hyper Taemin, awoken from his sleepy morning, throwing himself into Jongin’s arm. He can’t wait for the slam against his chest that will wind him, a shiver slipping through him at the thought of that gummy smile that steals his heart every time he sees it.

But, Jongin pauses, his hand halfway to the handle of the bedroom.

He can hear soft moans emanating from inside, muffled slightly by the door and his blood runs cold. There are definitely two sets of moans and he swallows. He breathes slowly, lungs barely constricting and inflating as the feeling he’s had since Los Angeles hits him like a bullet train. It courses through his veins, screaming at him to walk away, leave the house, flee, and run to the safety of his own apartment.

He forces the feeling away and shakes his head, sharply.

Taemin’s more than likely just masturbating, watching some porn or something. They have a… vivacious sex life, one enough that they have to tell their nutritionists for monitoring. The period of no sex when one or both of them are promoting is harsh on them both at times.

Jongin nods, reassuring himself, and carefully pushes the door open, making sure not to make it squeak.

He stares, blinking rapidly, desperately trying to take in the image in front of him as his stomach launches itself into his throat. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say, if he should say something, his breath leaving his body and refusing to come back as he stares.

Taemin’s laying on his back, entirely naked, his hands wrapped tightly around… around Ten’s waist, hard enough to bruise. Ten’s hands are splayed across Taemin’s chest, hips jerking and shifting as his thighs lift him up and drop him back down onto Taemin’s… onto Taemin’s erection. His head is thrown back, moaning Taemin’s name as he gasps, back arching, tears in his eyes as he wails, begging for more. Taemin’s pushing his hips up, muttering dirty words of encouragement with his own breathless, hoarse, sultry, lust filled voice.

Taemin arches his back, gasping at something, a moan getting half way out of his mouth before he freezes.

With his head thrown back like this, Taemin has full sight of the door, eyes open and staring Jongin directly in the eyes. Ten still moves, shifting, taking a moment to click before his head drops down. His face drops.

Jongin swallows, anger bubbling through him. He’s ready to lose his shit , to start screaming, throwing Taemin’s belongings around the room, maybe punch him but his brain can’t really process what’s happening. He can’t think of anything to scream at Taemin, at Ten, can’t think of where that really nice vase is to smash on the floor, can’t really remember how to ball his hand into a fist to throw a punch.

“How long?”

Ten flinches at the sudden question, opening his mouth before he closes it again, looking down at Taemin. Taemin takes a breath and Ten shifts, scrambling onto the bed to pull the blanket up to cover himself. Taemin slowly sits up, turning to sit with his feet on the floor.

It only takes maybe ten seconds, if that, but to Jongin, it might as well have been ten hours that passed when Taemin finally speaks. “Since LA.”

Jongin barks out a laugh. It’s short, almost silent. And then another escapes his throat. And another and the next thing Jongin is aware of, he’s crouched on the floor, hands over his face just fucking laughing .

He knew it. He knew it; he had known something was happening, that Taemin was hiding something but this ?

He knew there was something weird with how close Taemin and Ten had gotten so quickly, barely any time before meeting to how close they became, thought there might be something up with it but had chosen to ignore it. Taemin was just the dutiful hyung looking after and guiding his dongsaeng with their shared personalities and penchant for dancing.

Taemin had been looking after and guiding Ten through something alright.

“Ten, no.”

Taemin’s voice is quiet, reserved, and Jongin looks up. Taemin is stopping Ten getting up from the bed, probably to try and comfort Jongin, a soft hand on his knee as the WayV member looks between the two of them, unsure.

It’s a smart move.

Jongin surges upwards, snarling, stumbling a moment before he slams the door behind him. He doesn’t bother putting his shoes on, grabbing them and his bag and he yanks the door open. The ferocity of it sets the alarm off, and he simply does not care as he storms out onto the gravel driveway. He doesn’t feel the pain of the stones beneath his feet; he feels them there but oh, he’s so numb and in so much pain and so out of it but so unfairly in the moment he can’t feel anything but the betrayal and anger coursing round his system.

He yanks his car door open, shoving everything in his hands into the passenger seat, and clambering in, tears pricking in his eyes.

For a mere second or two, Jongin hesitates. He shouldn’t drive like this. He can barely see through the tears brimming, everything blurred and out of focus. He should text Minseok, or Baekhyun, or maybe even Sehun to come and get him. He can get his car tomorrow, or someone else can.

In the rear view mirror, he can see the mousy blond-brunet colour of Taemin’s hair, the white of his tracksuit bottoms as he stands there, turning the alarm off, staring out the door.

Jongin can’t spend another second here. He refuses to spend another second here.

He starts the car, carefully easing out of the driveway and onto the main road before he floors it, only just under the speed limit as he lets the tears flow, heading directly for Minseok’s house.

Ten sniffs as they have a drink, sitting awkwardly at Taemin’s kitchen aisle. They sip their coffees in silence, the air heavy between them as they look at anything other than the other.

The guilt, the pleasure, the thrill of doing something wrong is gone, long gone.

All they can feel is shame, thrumming through them, Taemin breathing it out and Ten breathing it in.

Tears prick in Ten’s eyes, sniffing a little.

He doesn’t know what to think .

He had been so happy, he had Taemin, he was Taemin’s, Taemin was his. They had the perfect routine going, he would have gone home tomorrow and waited a while until Jongin was deep in promotions until they met up again and started their routine again.

It had been working .

Taemin finally clears his throat, breaking the silence and Ten’s train of thought. “I… don’t know what’s supposed to happen now.”

“I think I’m supposed to go home and we pretend this didn’t happen until Jongin brings it up.”

Taemin nods and fiddles with his coffee mug. “You can stay if you… if you want.”

Ten nods and then stands, finishing his coffee. “I’m going to go back to the dorms.”

“Okay.” It’s a barely audible whisper and Taemin sits up as Ten passes him. Ten pauses, staring at him, blinking slowly. He can see the urge in Taemin’s eyes to lean in, to kiss him. They stay that way for a while, an hour, five seconds, Ten doesn’t know.

He fetches his clothes and finishes dressing, finding his phone and his train card.

Taemin doesn’t wish him goodbye, farewell, see you later.

Nothing.

The silence echoes in Ten’s ears.

Ten shifts in his bed and checks his phone, Naver searches for his name, Taemin’s name. Nothing comes up, at all, and his anxiety abates for an hour or so.

Jongin hasn’t said anything yet.

He wonders if he would, with SuperM’s We Do promotional song coming up so soon. He blinks at the ceiling, cursing.

SuperM will be promoting again soon. He’ll have to be in an enclosed space with Lucas, Jongin and Taemin, whilst the other three look between them trying to figure out what’s happening with the group’s dynamic.

He thinks back to when Jongin and Taemin were arguing in Los Angeles. Could he bring that much professional attitude to this? Could Lucas? He doesn’t know and he swallows hard, the realisation he may be the reason SuperM fails heavy in his brain.

His phone chimes and he checks it, heart jumping in his throat, but it’s nothing. There’s no new notification for his name on Naver. It’s a text from a delivery company with some new order offers.

Jongin hasn’t texted him. He wonders why. It was him and Taemin in this after all. He wonders if that means he’s gotten off somewhat lucky or if Jongin will have a go at him another time.

Probably the latter.

It’s at breakfast a week later that his phone chimes and he glances at it. One new message from Jongin. He opens it, stomach heavy as he waits for it to load.

What was that fuck you earlier this year actually meant to mean?

Ten glances around at his group, watching them laugh over breakfast. He swallows. He’s only just started getting easier with them, Lucas apparently having forgiven him. He can’t ruin that again.

He gets up, heading to his room for more privacy before sitting on his bed, staring at the text message.

Taemin broke it off. That day. I was angry, upset, and jealous.

He broke it off???

Yeah. When we got back from Los Angeles. It only started again on the Monday or something before you walked in

Right.

Right then

Jongin doesn’t reply again and Ten throws his phone against the wall, not caring that it breaks.

Taemin’s phone buzzing along his bedside table is what wakes him up, long before he’s supposed to be awake and he rolls over, groaning. He reaches out, groping along the oak wood before he finds it, struggling to pick it up. It slips from his hand, clattering against the floor and goes silent. He sits up, rubbing his face and sighing, agitated. He lets an arm drop, reaching down and dragging his hand across the floor to find it. He pulls it up, glancing at the clock on his table.

Eight am.

Fury burns through his body for a moment – they’re not meant to be at SM for training until nine thirty, a rare day where he can sleep in for a little more usually forbidden time. It had better be a good reason he was woken up.

He turns his attention to his phone, clicking the home button.

Nothing comes up and he raises his eyebrow. He tries again, turning it slightly and seeing the shattered screen. “Shit.”

He rolls over, finding the charger plug by his bed and pulling it up, and plugging it into his phone. Nothing shows on the screen to show it had died in the few seconds between falling from his hand and hitting the ground. He groans and throws his hands in the air, now much too frustrated to go back to sleep. He kicks the duvet covers off, turning around to find his slippers. He shoves his feet into them and shuffles down to his kitchen, yawning as he turns the television in the living room on.

He heads back across to the kitchen, getting a coffee cup out of the dishwasher and fiddling with his coffee can, trying to get it open with his sleep numb fingers. He finally manages, pouring some into the cup and waiting for the kettle, swaying on his feet. When the kettle clicks and he starts pouring the water, he yawns, arm shaking, causing hot water to cascade down his leg.

Taemin slams the kettle on the side, cursing and quickly ripping his pyjama bottoms off. It’s not looking like a good day with the way things are going.

He heads into the bedroom, changing into some sleep shorts, with no desire to be getting dressed just yet; he has plenty of time for now. He returns to the kitchen, carefully finishing his coffee and he’s mid stir of the mug when his ears prick.

“Next in entertainment news, it’s been seven years since SHINee’s Japanese top hit Breaking News , but I wonder if the group ever thought that the breaking news would be about their own member one day?”

“That’s right, Lee Taemin of SHINee and SuperM has been caught up in a scandal, released this morning by Dispatch and it’s a shocking one.”

“Lee Taemin, of all idols, it’s not something you see every day.”

“It isn’t at all, which I think makes this news even more breaking than most. Dispatch have been talking to a SHINee fan for a week now, and have revealed this morning that Lee Taemin was dating her. But here’s the real shocker: during SuperM’s promotional period in the United States, he admitted to his girlfriend that he was having an affair almost the entire time he was in Los Angeles.”

“It’s not often you hear about busy working idols and somehow still finding the time to have an entire illicit relationship… Almost outstanding the way he found the time to balance all of it. Taemin admitted to his now ex-partner of it all in text messages and call recordings that Dispatch released about a half hour ago. Fans have been calling for his removal from SuperM and SHINee pretty much since the news broke with international outrage at the dancer for his actions.”

“It’s definitely a strange one. Lee Taemin, the K-pop maknae extraordinaire, in the midst of a scandal, when he supposedly has no time to even eat or sleep. We’ll keep you updated on any further news of this story in the coming times. Next in entertainment news, Ailee, previous K-Pop star, has re-signed to a new contract…”

Taemin stares at the wall, heart thumping in his ears, breath rigid in his throat. He finally manages to move his legs, stumbling over to his sofa to grab the controller, fingers numb as he hits the live rewind button. He stares, stomach churning, bile sitting in his throat, as he stares at his text conversations with Jongin, on show for the entirety of the general public to see.

His head whirls, blinking rapidly as he hits the stop button, letting the television catch up as he slowly sits down.

His own words to Ten echo back in his head.

"Do you think Jongin would go to the press?"

"And risk outing himself and ruining EXO, SuperM and half his brand relationships? No."

He didn’t see it. He fucked up his own careful calculations.

Oh, he underestimated Kim Jongin, going so carefully to Dispatch, probably anonymous, Dispatch having no clue that the shy KakaoTalker was actually Kim Kai. It’s smart, cunning, and Taemin has to give it to Jongin.

He’s pulled literally everything that Taemin has built out from underneath him. SHINee’s branding whilst his hyungs have been away. SuperM’s international standing if SM doesn’t do something about him. His own solo career will be long gone by the time he even gets into work; if SM doesn't do something about him, the backlash will, at the very least, shoot his numbers down so that there’ll likely not be much recovering on his own. Not for years at the bare minimum.

“Shit.”

His phone. This would have been why it was ringing, management trying to get in touch with him and figure out what’s going on in all this mess. He swallows, thinking about his broken phone and slowly goes to get his coffee, sitting back down on the couch.

He waits. He sips his coffee and waits. One of his managers will show up to either bring him in or have a phone conference in his living room. They’ve done it before with other idols.

Taemin watches the window and waits.

Nothing happens. He heads to his bathroom, nerves fraught and finds his piercing kit. He gives himself another ear piercing, wincing at it before he returns to the couch. And goes back. And sits back down. And again, until there are four brand new piercings in his ears, glinting in the fake yellow lights of his bathroom.

And then he waits, again.

But no car pulls up. He frowns a little but slowly stands up, checking the time on his watch. He needs to get ready and head into work. He doesn’t know what’s going on, but he should go in. Management are probably still trying to figure out what to do – Dispatch likely sprung this on them by releasing it as news considering the size of it. This way they can extort more money by adding edits, fixes and maybe waiting before they release an article saying it was fake.

He doesn’t know, really, but he opts to head to his bedroom and get dressed and pack his gym bag. If no manager is coming to pick him up, or coming to tell him anything then he’d better go in, be on the safe side, stick to his schedules and see what happens.

He slings his gym bag onto his back and heads into the kitchen, making sure to leave food for Kkoong and refill her water bowl and heads to his car. He takes a deep breath, waiting for a few more minutes, waiting for any managerial car to show up.

Three minutes. No car.

Four minutes. No car.

Five minutes. No car.

Six minutes. He puts his car into gear and eases out of his driveway, heading to the SM building.

He doesn’t know what awaits him and his stomach churns every second of the drive but at least he might be able to see Jongin and Ten again.

It comes as a shock to the whole group. The news had broken about an hour before they were due in to practice for We Do , most of them seeing or overhearing the news as they made their way in.

Lee Taemin was cheating on someone and the proof was absolutely irrevocable.

Lee Taemin, carefully spoken, mild tempered, situational manager was in a scandal.

And it was bad .

The news and radio were talking about text messages he had sent to his partner, admitting it, dates, times, everything that proved it. The meek milled texts not bothering to say sorry because it was far too late for sorry and he knew it. The messages admitting that during the debut he had been having an affair in the United States almost the entire time had been sent round almost everyone SM idol group chat, everyone in shock, everyone talking about it, everyone asking if it was a different Lee Taemin.

And the weight in Ten’s chest was overbearing, guilt and paranoia churning through his body with every single step he takes within the building.

He walks into the practice room behind Lucas, struggling to swallow bile in his throat.

His eyes immediately go to Jongin in the corner of the room.

He looks pale, skinnier, like he hasn’t been eating, and just. Miserable. Like he’s stuck in a nightmare he can’t wake up from.

He’s sitting with Baekhyun, talking quietly, not really paying attention to anything until his head shoots up, looking up at the sound of Lucas laughing at something on his phone. Lucas blinks, wavering and looking down. No one says anything as they all find a space to start warming up.

Ten and Lucas end up sitting in a circle with Mark and Taeyong, both of them looking as shocked and confused as Lucas had said he was on the drive from the dorms.

Baekhyun and Jongin’s conversation is half-whispered, but overly loud in the room as no one speaks, the only sound the odd cracking of a joint, or trainer moving on the polished floor.

“I can’t believe it… not only cheating on you with a fan but also cheating on the fan-”

“-I’m the fan, Baekhyun.”

Everyone’s head spins round, blinking at Jongin. He looks round, feeling it, and looks round at the four, eyes glossing over Ten. Jongin swallows.

“Those texts were with me, I caught him with his other guy. Why do you think it was phrased so perfectly for the media, the right terms to come up on searches, everything? I caught him and I’m not letting him live it down. I pretended to be a female fan. As pissed off as I am with him, I’m not going to out him or myself.”

Ten swallows, realising how lucky he’s got off. He rubs a piece of dirt on his shoe, too scared to make eye contact with Jongin. He doesn’t dare risk putting a target on himself, doesn’t dare chance Jongin’s vitriol being zeroed in on him – especially with the way the press and general public are going after Taemin. It’s vicious, unrelenting, refusing to let a single person miss out on the news.

He isn’t sure if Jongin would mention who he caught Taemin with, as he said, he wouldn’t out someone, but everyone in the group knows at least Ten is attracted to men. He doesn’t think he could handle everyone looking at him differently, even if he does deserve it.

The practice room door swings open, distracting everyone. Ten looks up and immediately swallows weakly as he sees Taemin hovering in the doorway. His eyes dart around the room, ever so carefully avoiding Jongin altogether, and only looking at Ten for a mere split second.

He knows exactly where he stands, the anger picking up in waves from Baekhyun and Taeyong, maybe some from Mark as well. Lucas remains, as ever, confused, looking around at the sudden change in his friends.

Taemin drops his head and makes his way to the corner furthest away from everyone to start warming up. No one makes a move to talk to him, there’s no morning Taemin, good morning hyung, did you sleep well Taemin-ah? , there’s no piping voices from his dongsaengs asking him for any advice.

He drops his bag, sits with his back mostly to everyone and starts stretching his arms.

Ten lets himself watch Taemin in the mirror for a moment.

It’s clear the man is stressed. The bags under his eyes are some of the worst Ten has ever seen – he must have woken up early at some point or been called before he was supposed to be awake to inform him of the rampant wave of media. His lips are chapped, bitten down to nothing, lifeless and dull. His ears support a variety of new piercings, one of them still bleeding – he must have left early and had them done before coming into work. Ten could swear as well that somehow he’s lost weight during the few hours the news has been out, his figure looking strangely fragile compared to how it usually did.

Worry wraps around Ten but he looks away, focusing on stretching his legs out. He’s not risking Jongin spotting him watching Taemin with anything akin to care or worry.

The door opens again and they all startle and turn, finding the SHINee manager there, resting on the door frame as he leans into the open space. “Taemin-ah, a word.”

Taemin blinks a few times at Euisoo, Ten thinks the manager’s name is, before he stands, his hands shoved into his tracksuit pockets as he follows Euisoo down the hall.

There’s a few murmurs amongst the four of them, and Baekhyun snickers a little, but no one says anything to start a conversation. The anxiety starts peaking in the room, wondering about what is going to happen to the group with this coming out so close to a song release and Ten feels like he’s going to choke.

He concentrates on warming up.

It doesn’t last, however, with the door swinging open violently, slamming on the wall.

Everyone jumps and stares as Taemin stalks in, lip twitching, eyebrows furrowed as he scoops up his gym bag, half running out of the room. He’s in and out within seconds and Ten stares at the door in shock. He glances at Taeyong and Lucas, sharing glances whilst Mark stares at the door like a deer in the headlights.

No one needs to sit and gossip about what has just happened, what might be happening, what that talk could have been about. It’s evident in the way Euisoo shuts the door, a worried and guilty but confident look on his face as he closes the door and murmurs an apology for the interruption. It’s very clear from the way Taemin’s eyes were twitching, his shoulders hunched and his bottom lip quivering, doing his best not to burst into tears.

Lee Taemin, the Idol of Idols, the Prince of K-Pop has been suspended from SuperM and likely all other activities, effective immediately.