Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Steven has been scared for years now.

The gem isn't sure when it happened, when the fear truly set in and ate through them both like a corruption you couldn't see. He thinks it might have been when they'd shattered Jasper, when the broken pieces of her wouldn't go back together no matter how much Steven had cried. But no, the fear had started before that. Jasper's death had only made it worse. Made it unfixable, as Steven kept saying. Over and over and over again.

She's dead, I shattered her, I can't fix her.

Can't fix her, can't fix this, can't, can't, can't, can't.

And while the gem isn't sure when the fear started, he knows when those I's turned into you's.

It happened in flurry of tears and pain and yells, and suddenly, with a sharp tearing sensation that reminded him so much of White Diamond's nails digging into them, he'd been flung across the room.

He, not them.

For the second time in their lives, he's staring at Steven. The sheer wrongness of it is made worse by his face, so much like and yet so much different than before. There's no longing this time, no desperation to be whole again. To be them again. Steven is plastered against the wall, looking pale and weak. Looking terrified.

Of him.

He can see himself through Steven's eyes. He sees himself in the bathtub where he'd been thrown. Sees the swirling, colored water that was supposed to heal Jasper. He can feel a shard of her gem digging into his fingers. Had they just shattered her then? It feels like months ago, years. Any time away from his human feels like an eternity. The water sloshes as he leaves the bath, and Steven jolts at the sound. The gem sees a frown form on his own face, sees the harsh glowing that gives away his unease and the yearning in his eyes that should be in Steven's too. He turns away at his approach, just for a moment. Just long enough for whatever connection they have to snap closed with a finality almost like shattering. Their shared vision fizzles out like a dying television, and all he sees is Steven now.

Steven, who looks back only to glare. There are tears in his eyes, reflecting his glow like tiny gems.

"Y-you did this! You've done everything! I hate you!"

The gem stills, trying to detect the threat that's making his entire system ache so badly. But no, there's nothing. Only Steven's declaration hanging in the air like the most powerful gem weapon. He feels intimidated by it, hurt, and it hasn't even touched him. Steven hasn't even touched him.

The gem reaches out then, a soft sound escaping his panic. Steven flinches, curling back into the wall. The tears come faster now, but his voice becomes sharper. More certain.

"No, just get out!" Steven yells, and his hands are in his dark hair now. They cover his ears protectively, but his eyes are locked on his. So much fear in them. So much hatred. It makes something in the gem curl in on itself, warp into something unrecognizable. It feels almost like corruption again, a corruption he can't see but can feel all the same.

"Get out!" Steven yells again, sobs. "You're not me! I-I couldn't have done that! I couldn't have done any of this!"

There are noises outside the door now, the gems yelling for them. For Steven. His human's eyes flicker to the door, looking so terrified again. It's a different kind of fear, and yet the same. He's worried they'll hate him, maybe. Considering the pain still shutting his own system down, he thinks it's a valid thing to be afraid of. Hatred hurts worse than anything he's ever known, so it only makes sense Steven would fear it too. They're the same person.

...aren't they?

The door doesn't so much open as it does cave in with a shower of splinters. Garnet's there, gauntlet raised as Pearl runs to Steven. He's glad when she wraps her arms around him, glad someone can comfort him when he can't.

"Holy shit, dude, what happened?" Amethyst is there too now, eyes wide as she looks from Steven to him and back. The gem clenches his fingers unsurely, something digging into them again. He uncurls them to see a shard of Jasper's gem. Had he been carrying it the entire time? Why?

Steven's eyes close at the sight of it, and he lets out another sob. Pearl gasps, and Amethyst makes a noise of shock. Garnet stares, just stares. He can feel himself glowing brighter under their scrutiny, the light reflecting harshly off the mirror. The bathroom feels small now. It had felt big before, unbearably so when Steven was on the other side of it.

"Where did that shard come from? Is that...is that Jasper?" Pearl demands, voice shaking. He curls his fingers again, uncaring of the pain now as he shakes his head. He isn't sure what he's denying. It is Jasper, but he didn't mean - it was an accident. It wasn't something that he'd done alone. Right? His eyes are locked on Steven again, his other half. His better half. He looks for an answer in his eyes, but he doesn't like the one he finds.

Hate, hate, hate.

Steven hates him. He staggers back, nearly tumbling back into the tub as he clutches their gem. His family, Steven's family, stand in protective stances now, weapons drawn towards him like he's a threat. Is he? Steven isn't looking at him anymore, but he can't stop staring at him. He can feel his own tears now, pouring down pink cheeks and not stopping.

"Steven." He whispers, agonized.

He takes a step forward, raising a hand again in a silent plea. The move is apparently too much for Pearl, because she meets him halfway with her spear raised.

It's the last thing he remembers for awhile.

Chapter Text

Reforming without his other half feels strange. Familiar, but impossible all the same. Like something he should know how to do, but can't quite manage.

He's sure he takes longer than he needs simply because his energy roams directionless, searching for something, someone, that isn't there. It's like there's not enough of him to exist on his own, let alone form. How had he done it so quickly before? Was it because he'd been relatively unharmed? Or maybe because he'd been forced to, a moment sprung on him with no time to think?

This time around, he has a lot of time to think. Or rather, a lot of time trying not to.

Things are always a bit fuzzy when a gem retreats into itself, but he doesn't think he could stop hearing the word hate even if he were dead. It still leaves him feeling cold inside. His entire being shifts painfully within the confines of itself, trying to avoid the word like it's an infection. Like it's a corruption.

It's a nearly inescapable loop, mindlessly searching for his human half and trying to avoid the memory of his words. It's only the thought of him feeling the same, feeling so cold and lost without his gem that brings him back into awareness.

Because, looking down at his newly formed hands in quiet contemplation, he has the thought that poofing hadn't been permanent. Certainly hatred couldn't be either?

Humans are fickle creatures, and he knows his own well. He's too kind hearted for that, too good. The gem can't fathom for a single second truly hating his Steven. He could shatter every gem in the world, in the universe, and it wouldn't change anything. And they're the same person, they are. Two halves of one whole. The gem hugs that truth close, wary of it being taken away again.

He can even feel his human, a tiny flicker of warmth not far off. The gem is drawn to it instinctively, stumbling as if he were blind through a room in the temple. Some sort of pool is in it, giving off a fair amount of heat. It makes him warm slightly, but it's not the heat that he needs. He leaves it behind, passing various bubbled gems that he doesn't try to recognize. From what he remembers, they're the ones that refused to cooperate or posed a danger to others. It bothers the gem that he's been put here, but he shakes that thought off as he proceeds. It hardly matters now. Nothing matters except--

"Steven?!"

The gem blinks slowly, observing the new room with vague interest. He made it to the beach house somehow, the door closing seamlessly behind him. He can sense his human just up the stairs, a burning flame now that calls to the deepest part of him. The proximity soothes something ragged, something aching, but it's not enough. He needs to be closer, to bury himself in that warmth and never leave again. Greg is in the center of the room, probably the one who had called his name. He spares him a brief look. The man looks startled, his arms full of blankets and a bottle of shimmery looking water. He glances from the gem to the stairs and back again, huffing out a shaky breath.

"Geez, I'm never gonna get used to this stuff. Where did you even come from? I thought - hey, wait!"

The gem doesn't slow in his pursuit. He should probably pay the other human more attention than this - it is his dad after all, right? - but he just can't be bothered right now. Those soft urges would come back when he was whole again, he was sure. Plenty of time for that later.

"Dad?" His Steven croaks, voice beautiful and terrible all at once. It sounds so weak, so pained. "You okay down there?"

The gem quickly forgoes the stairs to float up to the loft. It's a bit harder than he remembers, like he was a kid again, but it's difficult to think happy thoughts when your other half sounds so hurt. He doesn't look much better, shivering in a cocoon of blankets and looking thinner than he used to.

How long had it been? He feels a stab of guilt, cataloguing his face as he steps forward. There are dark rings under his human's eyes that speak of sleepless nights. Those eyes are narrowed with angry disbelief, like he's the last thing he wants to see.

It makes him still again, just for a moment. That awful feeling he's been avoiding rises up again. It's going to burn him, he knows it with an absolute certainty. He steps forward anyway, feeling wary, cold, confused, but wanting, Steven, Steven, Steven.

"What are you doing here?" Steven says. "Pearl bubbled you!"

Did she? Was that why it took him so long to get out? It makes him feel a little less broken to think so, but...he shakes his head, abandoning that thought too. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters except for him.

Steven shifts, and it's so weak and shambled the gem genuinely doesn't know if it's to move to him or away. Gems don't have hearts, but he feels his clench anyway, terrified of how weak his human has become. They need to be together again, need to be whole. He's nearly to him now, hoping beyond everything that he doesn't hate him anymore.

Greg pants as he scrambles up the stairs. He rushes in between them with his hands raised, as if he were capable of raising a shield.

"Whoa, okay, let's just take a minute here!"

A minute? How could he think they could wait another second? Did he not see him?

"Steven." The gem demands, pleads.

Greg blinks, looking surprised. "Uh, yeah, Steven's right here, but he isn't feeling all that great right now, so-"

The gem doesn't wait for the rest of his words, ducking around his arm and diving to his human's side. Steven squeaks, which turns into a cough as he flinches violently away. The motion sends more water bottles, some empty and some half full, tumbling from his blanket pile to the floor. The gem kicks a few away absentmindedly, and reaches out to grab one of Steven's hands.

The touch is everything he thought it would be, and he releases a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He can already feel them both warming, can feel that ache inside of him lessening more and more with each passing second. He knows his other half is affected too. He can feel his body hesitantly unwinding, and even his coughs seem to be dying down.

The gem's glow starts to creep onto pale skin, and he closes his eyes in relief. The love he feels for his human wipes almost every fear away, every hurt. The space between them gets smaller and smaller with each passing breath, and everything is right again. A few more seconds, and they'll be --

"Let go!" Steven yells, lurching backwards. There's renewed strength in the movement, shocking the gem enough that he's pulled along with him. The added weight sends them both tumbling to the floor in a heap of blankets and limbs. Steven huffs a breath and rolls them until he's on top, pinning the gem to the floor with surprising ease. "I'm never fusing back with you!"

It's the gem's turn to flinch away now, looking up at his human and trying to understand. Fresh hurt rolls through his system, all his own now. He feels like the ache should be back too, but it isn't. It's a strangely phantom feeling, a lingering threat kept away only by his human's hands on his wrists. It leaves him warm everywhere but his eyes, which fill with tears again.

Steven looks conflicted by them this time, his own eyes widening a fraction.

"Steven, are you okay?" Greg says, rushing over. He seems to want to intervene,  but doesn't know how. It was clear who he was talking to, though, and it just makes him more confused. He's Steven too, isn't he?

"Steven?" The gem questions quietly, unsure of what he's even asking anymore.

Am I Steven?

Are you?

What are you doing?

Steven doesn't give him an answer, just frowns worriedly and sits back. "Look, I'm sorry. Don't cry."

His face closes off soon after, looking stern. There's a flicker of fear there too, but it's quickly replaced by a glint that the gem doesn't like at all. "But we're not fusing back, okay? Don't...don't try to do that again."

The gem is still reeling, still trying to make sense of the situation. What does he mean they aren't fusing? Does he still...does he still hate him then? He wants to ask, tries to form the human word and can't do it. It seems like an awful thing to speak, a sinister thing that he wants to avoid again. Like if he just doesn't ask, maybe he won't have to live with the answer.

He can't help the sound of terror when Steven rises though, the human swaying a bit like he hasn't stood for a long time. That ache seeps back in at the loss of contact, and the gem clings to his human's arm to keep it at bay. It's the first time he notices their slight height difference, but he can't bring himself to care. Steven seems curious though, or maybe disturbed. He looks down at him with confusion.

"Did you shrink?"

Greg, who had been hovering nearby with his arm outstretched in case his human fell, scratches the back of his head. "Is this another gem thing?"

It's about that time that the sound of the warp pad echoes from downstairs. Steven stiffens under the gem's fingers, trying in vain to free himself.

"Get off!" He hisses, but he only shakes his head mutely, watching as Amethyst comes up the stairs. She's waving two paper bags in one hand, the other pecking away at her phone.

"Yo, Steven! I got some fry bits and meds for ya. Connie's mom thinks they'll help with -"

That's as far as she gets, freezing at the edge of the room. The gem isn't sure what he expects from her, but he tenses anyway, preparing for...what? A fight? He wonders if he could hurt Amethyst if it came to Steven. Wonders again if he should be worried at how quickly the answer comes. Steven gives a shaky sigh, running his free hand through his hair.

"Amethyst, it's not what it looks like. He just got out somehow."

What does it look like? He thinks, burying his face in Steven's shoulder. Steven stiffens again at the action, but the gem only rolls his head a bit to keep a wary eye on Amethyst.

Amethyst who snorts, and then outright laughs. It's an odd sound, mixed with relief and amusement all at once. "Aw, P is gonna be so pissed!"

His human deflates with another sigh. "Yeah."

Chapter Text

Pearl's expected rage turns out to be an issue for another day. Situations requiring the Crystal Gems' intervention don't stop for anything, apparently. They'd been unwilling to leave Steven alone though, and while it was usually Pearl or Greg or both who watched over him during missions, Amethyst volunteered often too. Along with Garnet and Peridot and Bismuth and Lapis and Connie and - well, his human unsurprisingly has no shortage of people who love him.

Which is good, because he'd always had someone around when he was sick. It's another word that the gem dislikes, if only because now it brings thoughts of Steven being sick. A distant concept when they were fused maybe, but brought into harsh reality when they weren't. He'd been so sick and weak that he could barely even leave the house--

"Come on, stop exaggerating, Amethyst. This was just a bad few weeks." Steven complains, and then as an afterthought, "And stop talking to him. It's weird."

They'd eventually moved back to his bed when it became apparent that all of his strength hadn't returned. The gem joined him despite their best efforts. Upon said failure, his human was doing his best to ignore him. He might be hurt being treated like an unfortunate body pillow if he weren't quietly horrified by weeks. Already another word he doesn't like, not when it's used like that.

They'd been separated for that long? It makes something in his brain stall. It can't comprehend because it wasn't designed to. They'd never been apart for more than a few minutes before. Steven had never had any memories that the gem didn't have too.

Not knowing what his other half had been doing, feeling, what he'd been going through...there's no real comparison for it, but he thinks it might be like falling. A jolting feeling of terror that remains even when he finds his footing. What if he'd taken longer to reform? Could Steven have...? Would the gems have let him...?

"Sorry, Steven. But it's weird for me too, ya know? I don't wanna be rude to your little pink shadow." Amethyst is sprawled at the end of the bed, kicking her feet above her. Her tone is reaching for casual, but not quite making it. She's staring at Steven with sharp eyes, like she's afraid he'll disappear if she looks away. Curling closer to him, the gem can relate strongly to that feeling. Steven recoils a bit, sparing him an irritated glance.

"I know, but he's not staying for long. I mean, I just don't want to..."

He trails off, and the gem doesn't have time to hope for something like get attached to be added, because Amethyst interrupts.

"What, you think they're just gonna bubble him again? Dude, he got out. That's like, never happened before. And besides, look at you. You're already getting better with him here."

"Better?" Steven bites out disbelievingly. "Amethyst, you saw what he did. Dad, help me out here."

"Well...it's kind of true, Stu-ball. You don't look so pale at least." Greg offers hesitantly. He still seems torn, but whatever reservations he has rightfully falter against the relief of his son's healing. The man had chosen a chair near the bed for his watch post, and it's one he doesn't recognize. It had probably been added when he'd been bubbled, put there for uneasy companions to view his human get worse. The thought isn't pleasant, and he nuzzles into Steven's side a little forcefully.

I'm so sorry. He thinks. I'm so sorry I wasn't here.

He doesn't see the full look of betrayal Steven sends the other two, but he hears it well enough in his voice when he snaps, "Yeah, well, I don't want him here."

Ouch.

He can't help his flinch, and Steven gives one of his own, an echo reaction like they were still fused. He looks down at him, and doesn't look away this time. He looks so tired, so angry. Defeated. Despite the fact they're still touching, the gem hurts again. Stars, he hates himself for ever putting that look there.

"Doesn't what I want mean anything?" Steven murmurs, and it's worse than shouting somehow.

"Of course it does, Steven!" Greg says. "But we just want what's best for you -"

Steven lets out a laugh that's not very humorous at all. "No offense, Dad, but when have you guys ever done what's best for me? Besides, I'm old enough to make my own decisions now."

"Not if it means you dying!" Amethyst yells, and her voice is strange. He thinks she might be close to crying, but doesn't look to see. Steven looks more upset though. He always hates it when people cry.

"I wasn't dying, Amethyst. The medicine and fountain water were working -"

"Yeah, at first maybe!"

"You guys, let's just chill out for a little -"

"Shut up, Greg, we can't just watch him -"

"When did you turn into Pearl? Look, I don't even care how sick it makes me. I can't see him without thinking about Jasper -"

It's a strange thing, watching only one face during an argument. The gem catalogues a flurry of different emotions on his human's face, keeping track of what the others are saying by his responses alone. He can't ever imagine wanting to be responsible for those looks (even though he is, probably more than anyone somehow), but he can't imagine letting go of Steven either. What he wants, what Steven wants, what he needs, it all swirls together into a hideous fusion that speaks another language entirely. He wants to make everything right,  but how can he when he doesn't understand anything?

Shuddering, he buries his face into Steven's neck. It's close, certainly too close for his human to be comfortable, but he doesn't pull away. The shouting cuts off suddenly, leaving him with one of the few shaky truths he has. As long as he's touching him, he seems to be getting better. He kisses the skin there, enjoying the shiver he gets. He wills the warmth that sinks beneath the contact to chase the sick away. He wants it to chase away the entire concept of Steven dying at all, because he can't live without him. Can't understand how even the world could, because he's everything--

There's a shriek of surprise, followed by a tugging sensation on his hair. "Uh, hey? Hello?"

The gem blinks his eyes open slowly. Steven is still trying to distance them, and he allows it, if only to have the chance to look at his face. His expression is tight again, but his skin is bathed in a soft pink light. For an amazing, confusing moment, it's like they'd fused again.

But then reality sets in with a shake from Steven, who's gesturing at the bubble around them like it's some great emergency. The gem's own glow is reflecting off the already pink barrier, lighting it up from within.

"Why did you do that? You almost poofed Amethyst!"

He hums in curious acknowledgement, sitting up to see Amethyst outside the barrier. She must have rolled to avoid getting caught, but the end of the mattress hadn't been so lucky. It looks like a pillow had been in the path too. Clumps of cotton flutter around the dome like a snow globe in reverse. Oops.

Amethyst is saying something, but he can't hear her. Greg is out of his chair, tapping against the bubble with a frown.

The gem looks back at Steven blankly. They seem fine for the most part. There's no reason to get worked up about it. From what he remembers from their limited knowledge of human sickness, it isn't good for recovery.

"D-don't just look at me like that!" Steven splutters. "Take it down!"

He must read the why? in his eyes, because he splutters again, running a hand through his hair. It's shaking a little, and the gem grabs it gently for a brief examination. The fingers are a bit longer than his own, but it doesn't look like Steven had grown any. Did he really shrink then? He traces the smooth skin on his palm, pondering. He'd be more bothered by the lack of an answer if it hindered his ability to protect his other half. He may not have meant to bubble them, but he's relieved that he still could. Even Amethyst is trying to break it now, but she isn't having any luck.

Steven snatches his hand back, a new burst of color rising to his cheeks. Greg was right - he doesn't look pale anymore at all. It makes a smile tug at the gem's lips, thinking of him getting better. Steven doesn't want to fuse yet, and he still doesn't understand why (never fusing back with you, never) but this is the next best thing for now.

Steven doesn't seem to agree.

"You can't honestly expect me to stay in here all night. You broke my bed! And you know I could suffocate, right? No, Amethyst, don't call them, they'll just worry and get distracted. I'm okay."

Amethyst can't possibly hear him, but she seems to get the message anyway. The gem spares her a brief glance, sees her puzzled look and her phone lowering in her hand, before he curls against his Steven again. The lull of his heart is soothing, a sound that he didn't know he'd missed. He could listen to it for an eternity and still cherish every beat.

I'm okay.

Yes, he is. And if not, he will be. He'll make sure of it.

Chapter Text

They do stay in there all night.

Steven is unhappy again, or more likely still. He turns his back to him, glaring into the pink hued distance. It hurts a little, but he's already resigned to the fact that being with Steven is going to hurt. At least for awhile. He allows him to keep a hand on him at least, too easy a way to relieve the more physical pain for them both. There's an angry hiss when he tries to snuggle up to his back, though - "Stay on your side!"

And then, with a flush of color rising up the back of his neck, "Not that you have a side, or...ugh, just stay over there. Please."

So, he does. He has to curl his body up a little to resist temptation, but otherwise tries to listen as best he can. Steven is safe for now and they're together (though not like they should be, but Steven doesn't want that either). So, it's fine. It's okay. Steven is okay.

He's watching the rise and fall of his breathing a few hours later, counting them and feeling less anxious with each one, when his human rolls back over. The gem might have startled at the sudden motion if it weren't his human. Alarm is hardly a necessary reaction for someone he'd let do anything to him. He still looks up at face guiltily though, expecting him to be upset at his staring. But Steven's eyes are closed, probably asleep by now. It doesn't seem to be very peaceful.

His eyes are moving beneath his eyelids, and unhappy sounds come from his throat. The gem grabs one of Steven's clenched hands with both of his. It's less to keep contact and more that he doesn't know what else to do. Steven is still lost in the nightmare, making more pained noises that cut through to the gem's core.

The bubble reacts to his unease and maybe Steven's too, because he still doesn't know how this works. It creeps further into the room, trying to protect against a threat it can't find. A few things tumble to the floor before he manages to freeze it again.

The sound of the commotion can't reach them in here, but it can't be too loud if no one's coming to investigate. Steven had banished them from the room earlier, but they probably didn't go very far. He almost wishes they would come back, if only to tell him what to do. Would they even know? Had Steven been suffering in his sleep long enough for them to? It's not a thought he likes.

"No.." Steven mumbles, shaking his head jerkily on his pillow. "No, Jasper."

"Steven." The gem whispers. Freeing one of his hands, he rests it in Steven's hair. His fingers swipe against the sweaty curls anxiously, trying to clear the pain through desperation alone. He can't remember if it's sleeping or sleepwalking humans you're not supposed to wake, and stars, he can't remember the difference anyway. He isn't walking, though, so maybe --

Steven's goes abruptly still beneath his touch, a single moment of continued tension before melting into the bed. The gem sags with him, so relieved he that can feel his eyes burning again. He keeps one hand on Steven's and the other in his hair, stroking gently. He knows, knows that he won't be happy if he wakes up to it, but if it helps him, wouldn't it be wrong to stop?

He's still unsure of an answer by the time the sun begins to rise. Gazing at Steven's peaceful face makes him forget the question anyway. Warmth is washing over him again, pure and desperate and longing.

How easy would it be to fuse with him right now? To take all the love he feels and use it to make him, them, stronger? It's not something he plans on acting on, if only because Steven would probably just rip them apart. Would the gems bubble him again? Would he get out before it was...too late?

Nothing in the universe is worth that risk.

More hours slide by, feeling like seconds. The gem is lightly tracing the bridge of Steven's nose when there's a flash of movement above them. The bubble remains in place, but it still sets him on edge. He tenses, hunching over Steven protectively as he sees...a cat? It peers down at them, flexing its sharp toes against the barrier lazily. It only has one eye.

He remembers it vaguely, Cat Steven, a damaged little thing that they'd rescued from the rain. The fondness they'd felt for it must be with Steven, because he only feels annoyed. What if it wakes him before he's ready? Sleep for humans is like reforming for gems, right? It can't be rushed.

He points sternly towards the direction of the stairs, but the creature seems unwilling to comply. It cocks its furry head to one side before letting out a yawn. Growling quietly, he settles back against his Steven. There's always the option of trying to dislodge it by moving the bubble, but it doesn't seem worth the effort. He supposes it's fine as long as it stays up there - stay on your side - and is already getting lost in the sound of his favorite heartbeat when it moves again.

Tail swishing in the air, it leaps onto Steven's dresser easily. The wood is splintered from the bubble's earlier advancement, but the cat seems unbothered. It jumps to floor, and he doesn't even have time to hope that it'll leave before it pounces on something. The tiny bottle it holds prisoner its paws is familiar - the medicine that Amethyst brought last night. She'd set it on Steven's bedside table, which is now overturned on the floor. The cat bats it even further away, and then recaptures it with a dramatic roll.

The gem feels another burst of annoyance, looking back at Steven's sleeping face quickly. He doesn't know much about human healing, but what if he still needs that?

Dropping the barrier soundlessly, he crooks a demanding finger in their direction. Bring it back. Cat Steven seems only mildly alarmed by the sudden change, but it must be used to gem powers by now. It still ignores his demands, giving the bottle another swat. Unacceptable.

The gem growls again, peeling away from his human as slowly as possible. He gives his hand a squeeze before moving. He's quick to grab Steven's bare foot when he reaches it, as if they'd both float away if he lets go for too long. The cat is still outside of his reach even when he stretches, though. It blinks at him infuriatingly, its single eye disgusting and far too victorious. It looks at the bottle of medicine, Steven's medicine, and back again. It meows softly.

He's considering violence when there's movement from behind him. Steven's foot shifts beneath his fingers, and when he looks back, he's sitting up blearily. He looks around the mess of his room before settling on the gem still attached to his foot. He looks confused.

"What are you doing?"

The sound of his voice, sounding so much stronger than yesterday, deflates the gem's anger almost dizzyingly fast. It makes him feel floaty again, like he's snuggled back in bed, Steven safe and warm beside him. He points at the hostage situation despairingly when Steven's eyebrows raise in question. The cat meows louder.

Steven's mouth twitches, and he lets out a snort. He puts out a hand that the gem eyes greedily, but the offer isn't for him. As soon as he wiggles his fingers, the cat dashes over, leaving its prize behind. The gem is torn between looking at the medicine and Steven, but he manages a few glares for the fuzzy creature, who's now settled happily in Steven's lap. It's letting out some sort of rumbling that makes him wary, but Steven seems unthreatened.

He doesn't seem to want to speak the gem again, and his words are tightly hesitant when he does. "Will you grab those for me? I don't think she can get them open, but you never know."

And...he's suddenly very conflicted.

Ignoring such an innocent request from his other half is so outrageous it doesn't even seem to be in his coding. But letting go of him to do it? He clutches Steven's foot, eyeing the bottle skeptically like it's miles away instead of a few feet. He feels like a human child daring to swim without a flotation device.

But Steven is waiting, probably getting annoyed and adding this to the list of reasons why he doesn't want him around. He doesn't want him to hate him again. Or still, considering he doesn't have to courage to ask whatever that status is.

Preparing for the ache, he lets go one finger at a time. It doesn't come as much as it did yesterday, but he notices it a little more with each step he takes away from him. It's not unbearable, not threatening to freeze him or burn him up from the inside or both, but he still isn't fond of it. Snatching the bottle back up, he all but dives back to Steven's side. He curls up near the cat, placing the bottle in his hand wordlessly. He can't help but close his own hand over it, chasing the warmth in Steven's fingers with his own.

"Er, thank you." His human's face is coloring again, and the gem smiles dazzlingly at the sight. Everything seems right again, Steven putting the pieces back together like only he can.

I love you. He thinks, and the simple truth and joy of it makes him glow brighter again, burrowing into Steven's side with a contented sigh.

"Uh-uh, don't you two go getting comfortable." Steven demands. "I'm not staying in bed all day again."

The gem pretends not to hear, which earns him a protesting tug on his hair. Amethyst must have heard too, because she bounds up the stairs. She's back to cheerful again, but worry seems to have made enough of a home on her face that it's not entirely gone yet. Maybe it would never be.

"Ste-man, I thought I heard your voice!" She says, and Steven smiles at her. It's such an easy one, given away so freely. He'd be jealous if it weren't so beautiful.

"Geez, did you guys have a party in here or what?"

Steven looks around the scattered room, smile wiped away with a cringe. "I told you he's destructive."

"No kidding." She approaches further when Steven swings his legs over the side of the ruined bed. Her eyes are sharp again, waiting for something, but even Steven seems surprised at how good he feels. The cat yowls at the disruption, and the gem gives into the desire to shove it away. Amethyst laughs a little, but Steven gives him a disapproving frown.

"Hey, be nice. She's not doing anything to you."

It's not him he's worried about, but he doesn't say so. Just squeezes their joined hands and wonders again about the medicine still between them. Amethyst drops herself into the sick watching chair, blowing a strand of pale hair from her face.

"Come on, Steven, cut him a break. Maybe he's just not a cat person."

He thinks that might be true, but it's probably true about anything that's not Steven. He's not interested enough to find out. Steven pulls away from him, standing fairly steadily. He takes a moment to shake himself free of his touch before heading over to his dresser. The gem follows quickly. His haste earns a startled hiss from the cat on the floor that he ignores. Amethyst picks it up, scratching it behind the ears until it's calm.

"I just don't want him to hurt anyone else. You don't know what he's capable of - ugh, you broke this too?"

Steven is frowning down at the splintered wood that cages his clothing. He wrestles with it for a moment before getting one of the drawers open. The gem watches his face, only sparing a glance towards the dresser when he pulls bits of clothing from it. It turns into another glance when he notices there isn't any pink. He hadn't really noticed Steven's clothes before, too stricken with worry and relief and - well, he had other things to think about. He isn't sure what to think about them now, though. Or maybe he just doesn't want to.

His own form is still wearing the clothes they'd had on when they'd (when he'd?) shattered Jasper. It makes him self conscious all of a sudden, a strange and shameful feeling he doesn't know what to do with. He almost wants to reform just for the sake of it. But there's nothing that could make him not...pink.

His shoulders hunch, and he's pulling at the ends of his fingers when Steven looks down at him. He looks unwillingly sympathetic, and gives into the emotion with a sigh.

"It's okay. I can get a new one. I know you didn't mean to do it." An unsure pause. "Right?"

The gem shakes his head fervently for probably too long, because Steven stills him with a hand on his head. The soft touch doesn't last, but it makes him glow bright enough that Steven squints.

"Wow, okay. Gonna have to put a warning on you before you blind anyone."

"Aw, he just likes you, Steven." Amethyst says, following them on their way past. Cat Steven is released to the floor, but it follows too. It's like Steven is the bright one, a sun that they're all forced to orbit. He grabs Steven's hand on the way down, feeling a wave of reverence. Well, maybe not forced. He'd follow Steven anywhere.

"Yeah, I know." Steven says, not sounding thrilled about it. "It's just gonna be harder later, though. I really hope he gets over it soon."

On the first floor, Steven tries to free himself again. The gem makes a sound of discontent, only releasing him when Steven is pulling so hard that it feels like he might break something. His human rubs at his freed hand and gives him an unhappy grimace.

"Yeah, it looks like that'll happen." Amethyst laughs. Following Steven to the bathroom door, the gem largely ignores her. Get over Steven? What does that even mean?

"Where's Dad?" Steven asks, changing the subject abruptly.

Amethyst sits on the edge of the counter, snagging a bag of chips next to her. "He went out to get some breakfast. He'll be back soon. Want me to tell him to get you anything special?"

"Whatever is fine. I'm actually so hungry I could eat anything right now." He opens the bathroom door and steps in, giving his other half a strange look when he tries to follow. There's more of that color again, splashing across his cheeks. "Uh, no, you're definitely not coming in here with me. Wait out here with Amethyst."

The gem looks up at him, stunned. First not fusing and now more space? He'd made him better, and it's not even a fact that he can feel smug about. Of course being near him had helped - they were made for each other. Are each other. He doesn't understand.

Steven watches his expression fall with a frown, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's not a big deal, okay? I'll be out in a few minutes. I just really stink."

If he's expecting a response, he doesn't get one. The gem is trying to resist the urge to just bubble them together again, to just go in there anyway, to just - but Steven wants this, and he still has his medicine in his hand, even if it's seemingly forgotten for now. He'll be okay. The knowledge doesn't make him feel any better when the door closes, and he stares at it in quiet dismay. The sound of water starts soon after, and he eventually slides to the floor for lack of anything else to do.

"Ugh, come on, little dude, you're depressing me." Amethyst says, coming over to crouch next to him. She offers him the chips, but he only stares at them. They're Steven's favorite brand. Or they used to be, unless they'd changed in the last few weeks. He picks at the end of his nails, closing his eyes.

"It'll be okay. Cheer up." She implores, hesitantly patting his shoulder. He doesn't like the touch, not Steven's, not mine, but feels too rigid to shake it off. "Steven is doing so much better already! There's nothing to worry about. I mean, unless he somehow drowns in the shower or something."

He opens his eyes to glare at her dully, not knowing if she's joking or not. He feels like he'd know if they were fused again, but without his other half, everything is confusing. Like a language he only half remembers, and is left to piece together the rest without a translator.

Amethyst makes some kind of face, looking away. "Geez, I was just kidding. You're a little intense, you know?"

Oh. She was joking. He files away the tone for later, hoping it'll help with not wanting to fling her across the room. She eventually looks back, giving him a grin.

"He really is fine, Pinky. No need to freak out just yet."

He crinkles his nose at the odd nickname, shaking his head. Steven doesn't like pink anymore. "Steven."

She snorts, patting him on the shoulder again. "Don't let him hear you call yourself that, little buddy. I want this to work as much as you do, but you're gonna have to give him space."

Space? He looks at the closed door and back, feeling entirely unimpressed and done with this conversation. What does it look like he's doing?

She laughs quietly. "More than that. I know it'll be hard, but Steven needs it."

The gem picks at his nails again, not responding. Her words stick somewhere inside of him though, challenging the light ache that's forming again. He thinks that Steven must be feeling it too, because it only takes a few minutes for the water to cut off. He ponders it all in the renewed silence, trying to reconcile his human's conflicting needs with something that makes sense.

He doesn't have very long to do it, though, because the warp pad goes off a second later. Amethyst stiffens beside him, letting out an "Ah, shit."

"I'm telling you, Garnet, it could work. A simple deflector would solve the entire problem."

Garnet hums, sounding unconvinced. "I don't think so, Pearl. I see at least thirty-eight futures where Australia would sink into the sea."

Pearl sniffs, following Garnet further into the house. "Well, surely the humans there could be relocated. Have you ever been to Australia? I think it would be a reasonable trade considering--"

The rest of her words dry up at the sight of them by the door. Garnet looks over her shoulder, letting out a tiny breath. Amethyst waves sheepishly. "Hey, guys. Bring us anything cool back?"

"Amethyst!" Pearl screeches, and there's a flourish of shifting air as she summons her weapon. He honestly isn't sure who it's directed at this time. "She's out, and you didn't call?! I - where even is -"

The door flings open, revealing a slightly guilty looking Steven. The gem stands to go to him immediately, giving him a relieved smile. He grabs his hand before he can object, kissing the skin to sooth the ache. It's still a little wet, like he'd been in too much of a rush to dry off properly. Humans can get sick like that, can't they? The gem tuts, displeased.

"I'm the one who told her not to call you, Pearl." Steven says. "I just - I didn't want you guys to be distracted or to get hurt."

Pearl's eyes are glued to their joined hands, looking disturbed. Looking furious. "We would have been fine, Steven! I told you to call me if anything went wrong! Come over here right now -"

"Steven." Garnet says, her voice breathy. "You look better."

The enunciation is evident even to him. She says the word like she'd been wary of it before, or at least like it hadn't been used very often.

"He is." Amethyst says quickly. "His - I mean, the gem is helping more than anything else has."

He isn't fond of her correction - he is Steven's, whose else would he be? - but it seems to sway Garnet in a way that Pearl doesn't care for. In a way that Steven doesn't care for either. They both watch her with different severities of expressions. Steven looks mildly upset, but Pearl looks thunderous.

The house is silent as Garnet looks unseeingly at a piece of bare wall, her hands clasping together quietly. Her gems flash in the light, and he wonders if touch feels as necessary to Sapphire and Ruby as it does for him and Steven. Surely, if anyone can understand, it would be Garnet.

"Yes, I see now. Your future's already changing." She says, and when she looks back at them, she's smiling. Amethyst smiles back, tension draining from her shoulders. Pearl and Steven speak simultaneously.

"How is my future changing?"

"Garnet, you can't be serious."

And then, as if they'd finally arrived at the same thought : "He can't stay here!"

Well, it had been 'she' for Pearl, but she still seems to be confused about a few things. He holds Steven's hand tighter when he tries to pull away, unwilling to budge on this matter in particular.

"No." He says, and the word hangs heavy and alone in the air until he adds, "I'm not going anywhere."

Chapter Text

The next few days are a little tense.

And given that Steven spends most of them with Pearl, they're loud too.

He frowns in distaste as she complains about the state of the bedroom again. He doesn't know why she even goes up there, given that Steven hardly returns to it. They - or rather Steven - sleep on the couch for now. Greg had ordered new furniture, but it's not here yet. He knows that Greg has the money to get a new couch too, but the gem is still careful when he bubbles them at night. So far, it doesn't need replaced. Steven seems reluctantly impressed, which makes the effort worth it more than anything.

Pearl is always there in the mornings, and sometimes at night too. She seems torn between glaring at him and looking at Steven worriedly. The gem spares her occasional blank glances, and sometimes catches those glares breaking into something sad and searching. He never cares enough to ask about it, but he doubts she'd answer anyway. She has no problem talking about him, but seems hesitant to talk to him.

Still, her silent treatment is better than what she'd been yelling about that first day. About how he's probably some sort of corrupted Pink Diamond, unstable and dangerous and not to be trusted and stars, doesn't anyone remember what he'd done to Jasper?

Steven had tensed almost violently at that, and his hand sought out his gem's of his own accord. It had shocked him at first, made him glow and feel and love and - he knew then and knows now that he'll absolutely take the blame for Jasper. Will confess to every bad thing Steven feels guilt over if it means he can keep his panic at bay.

If he can keep Steven too.

They fall into a quiet routine. Nighttime is his favorite, when Steven unconsciously stays close to him, his face peacefully sweet and unbothered. There are still a few nightmares to chase away, but they clear as soon as he touches him.

I'm here. It's okay. You're okay.

Breakfast follows after, occasionally something sweet but mostly 'healthy' food. Steven always offers him some awkwardly, too kind not to even it's for him. The gem takes a bite dutifully, but he's unable to feign reactions to the flavors. It just tastes like mush, but he likes seeing Steven eat. He always blushes - Amethyst had taught him that word, though he's still not sure why humans do it - when he catches him staring.

Lunch is sometimes eaten on the porch, depending on the weather. Despite the clear longing in Steven's eyes, they don't ever go any further than that. The gem isn't sure why, but he doesn't push him. They can stay here forever if that's what he wants.

Dinner is always spent with the gems, who make themselves more present than he could ever remember them being. Steven is a little cold to Amethyst and Garnet at first, but it passes quickly. He just isn't capable of holding grudges very long, unless it's with himself. That probably doesn't bode well for his other half, but it's hard to be worried about anything when Steven's laugh bubbles up from one of Amethyst's jokes. He decides that she's his favorite, if only because she earns that sound from Steven the most. It doesn't mean he's going to talk to her or anything, but it's a start.

Amethyst talks to him a lot, or at him, given that he doesn't respond. Garnet does too, and occasionally Greg. Pearl not so much, which he's more than fine with.

Steven hardly talks to him at all, which he's not fine with. But Steven's in the habit of giving him his hand whenever they sit down, and it feels like talking somehow. It feels like something. The ache takes longer to form after being close for so long. It wouldn't hurt either of them to not touch for awhile now, (Steven spends more time in the shower because of it, which he isn't thrilled about) but he still gives him his hand anyway. It makes the gem smile each time, and this time isn't any different.

They're on the couch again, the day slowly turning into evening. They'd brought Steven's TV down the other day, and one of the Lonely Blade movies is playing on it. The gem doesn't really remember the plot, and is probably going to miss it again. He's too distracted, playing with Steven's fingers lightly. He's torn between watching the soft way they bend beneath his own and looking at Steven's face. The setting sun is sending long rays into the house, lighting up Steven's hair like a dark halo. He's dazzling.

"So, look...Pink." Steven looks uncomfortable, and he's sure he looks the same, his smile flickering at the name. He's not fond of it - he's not Pink Diamond, despite whatever Pearl thinks. Or at least not the one she knew. And Steven doesn't even like pink now, so naturally he shouldn't either. But Steven is talking to him. Steven had formed that word with his own voice, had given it to him. It makes it beautiful in its own way.

"Pink?" The gem murmurs, trying it out. They have the same voice, but somehow it doesn't sound as smooth. Like an out of tune instrument going up against an orchestra. He doesn't think he'll ever get the flow of human speech right.

Steven nods a little hesitantly. "Is it okay if I call you that? Amethyst does, and I just don't know what else to call you."

'Steven'. He, Pink, thinks instantly, but he doubts the suggestion would be welcome at all. He feels a familiar mix of dread and confusion at the thought of not being Steven, but he bats it away for now.

He's still half of him, even if he is the bad half. (I hate you)

And Steven would come around eventually. (I'm never fusing back with you)

Pink shakes his head to dispel the thoughts, clinging to Steven's hand tighter. The credits are rolling on the screen.

"No?" Steven asks. "Well, we can think of a new name if you want-"

Pink shakes his head again, and Steven looks lost. He knows he isn't making sense, but he can't find the inspiration to speak much if the situation doesn't call for it. He traces the edge of Steven's palm, delighting in the shiver he gets.

"Uh, okay." Steven says, and Amethyst snorts somewhere from the kitchen. It's followed by a scoff from Pearl, and a meow from Cat Steven, who'd thankfully long abandoned them to seek attention from Garnet.

"So, I'm feeling...way better now." Steven continues. Color bursts in his cheeks as Pink beams, kissing his hand gingerly. There's no ache to clear for either of them, but it still feels nice. Tingly. His human's skin is impossibly soft.

"Y-yeah, thanks for that, Pink. But I'm all better now, right? And I just...I thought I'd spend the night with some friends. I've been stuck in this house for awhile now, so it'll be nice to get out. You know?"

Pink nods seriously, though he doesn't really know. He could spend eternity on the couch with Steven and not get bored. But humans are built different. He doesn't want his own being unhappy. Those longing gazes he sends towards Beach City always hurt, knowing Steven wants something but doesn't have it.

Steven's shoulders slump in what looks like relief. Pink cocks his head, smiling in fond bewilderment. Of course Steven can go anywhere he wants. Pink is glad he's well enough to go anywhere.

"So...you're okay with that? It's only going to be for a night or two, until we can figure out this whole -" He gestures between the two of them with his free hand, letting out a nervous laugh. "But there's tons of stuff you can do. Like, there's hanging out here-" A sound of discontent from Pearl that they both ignore. - "or even checking out Little Homeschool. It takes some getting used to, but most gems love it. I wasn't, uh, really sure about that at first, but you've gotten so much better."

Pink nods again, wanting Steven to keep speaking even though he isn't sure what he's implying. He wasn't the one that was sick.

"Or the gems can take you down to the beach if you want. It's pretty empty around the temple, because tourists don't really come over here. Or-"

It takes Pink an embarrassingly long time to comprehend what he's getting at. He's overwhelmed in the best way by the sheer volume of Steven's words. By the time he's finished, trying subtly to pull Pink's fingers from his own, the gem's smile is only just starting to fade.

"What?" He asks slowly.

Steven stills, his eyebrows slanting together as he frowns. Pearl advances, looking poised but stern. Protective. Like he would ever hurt Steven at all.

"He just needs some space for tonight." She says stiffly. "You can give him that, certainly."

There's that word again, space. Pink doesn't think he'll ever be able to hear it and think of the beauty of the universe again - not on Earth anyway. Here, it just means something awful.

"Only for tonight, though." Amethyst interjects, and it's somehow placating towards Pink and argumentative at Pearl all at once. He doesn't even try to unravel that, because Steven succeeds in disengaging them. Pink is still shell shocked, watching him take a few steps away that Pearl follows. When did she get him a bag?

"He'll be back tomorrow." Garnet reaffirms. She's at the counter, chin on her steepled fingers. Her mood is entirely impossible to read, but her voice is distant, like she's seeing more than what's in the room. Cat Steven nudges at her cheek affectionately. Steven takes another step away.

Wait. Stop. Everything's moving too fast suddenly and he's still frozen, like their super speed in reverse. He forces himself to jolt after Steven, latching onto him desperately. Pearl is unhappy, but surprisingly, it's Steven who turns her away gently.

"Pearl, it's fine, just let me -" He puffs out a breath. "Pink. Come on, I really need this, okay? Can you do this for me?"

Pink is swirling within his own head, trying to hold on to something that would make all of this okay. He lands on Steven as always, but it doesn't bring him much comfort now. He wants something, needs something, but he wants to leave Pink here?

"No." He hisses, shaking his head. Steven will get hurt. He'll get sick again, and Pink won't be around to - "I can come."

Let me go with you.

He can't resist burying his face against his Steven, but he can't bring himself to close his eyes. If he does, he'll start to fuse without meaning to, or Steven will disappear, or something. Steven's arm hesitantly wraps around him, a warmth that chases away the impending cold. "Garnet, he won't like...freak out and hurt any of you if I go, will he?"

A moment of silence only filled with Steven's heartbeat and the ringing in Pink's ears.

"I don't see that happening."

Steven holds him for a few more beats before he pushes him away a little. His eyes are so wide, imploring of him. He looks so...so unhappy. Like he's looking towards Beach City from the porch again, and Pink is the one chaining him here. He makes a pained sound, feeling lost.

"Pink. I haven't seen my friends in forever, and I just...please?"

He even brings his hands up to hold Pink's face, staring into his eyes desperately. Pink holds onto his wrists probably too tight, but he can't- he just doesn't -

"I can come." He says again quietly, pleads. He'll take Steven anywhere, anywhere in the entire universe. But Steven only frowns again, looking hesitant and tired and yearning for something Pink apparently can't give him. Something he doesn't want Pink to give him.

"I won't bubble you anymore." He whispers, trying again, but he already knows it's a lost cause.

I can't see him without thinking about Jasper.

Pink hates her suddenly. Viciously. Maybe it really was him who did it, him and him alone, because he feels a blinding fury for her that says he'd shatter her again if only he could. A floorboard cracks loudly beneath them, and then another. Steven jumps back, staring at them with wide eyes. Pink follows his gaze slowly, and he isn't even sure how it happened. Maybe he'd stomped his foot or maybe his power had just bled out, or maybe he's just-

"-dangerous." Pearl is saying, and Amethyst rolls her eyes. "Oh, chill out. It was just an accident, P."

"Another 'accident' around Steven! What if he gets hurt next time?"

"He didn't mean it, Pearl." Steven says, and Pink can't even be happy that Steven had spoken up for him, because what if Pearl is right? What if he'd hurt him? Steven doesn't seem fearful for his safety though, looking torn at the thought of leaving. "I don't know. Are you sure it'll be okay, Garnet?"

Garnet regards the scene in front of her quietly, scratching Cat Steven's head. "I don't see any of us getting poofed, and Beach City mostly survives."

"Mostly?"

"It has nothing to do with Pink. Onion's acquired a batch of illegal fireworks. He's deciding on where to set them off."

Steven clicks on his phone uncertainly, gaze back on him. He and Pearl are nearly at the warp pad now, and Pink is still frozen, like the cracks in the floor had formed an uncrossable valley.

Dangerous.

"I'll text Vidalia about it." Steven says, and though he turns his back momentarily to go the center of the pad, he looks back almost instantly. He gives him a smile that seems genuine this time, if not a little tight. "I promise I'll be back soon, okay? It won't even be a full twenty-four hours."

His human gives a little wave, and Pink's suddenly surging forward. He doesn't care if it makes him selfish, if it makes him horrible or whatever Steven and probably everyone else thinks of him.

"Don't-" Pink gasps, tears springing to his eyes. "Steven, don't leave-"

But he's too late. The light of the warp pad fills the room harshly, shocking him into stillness again. He could always follow, but which warp pad did they even go to? He'd absolutely try them all, but what then? Steven doesn't want him to come, he doesn't want -

One of the other gems is speaking to him, but he can't focus on what they're saying. Pink sinks to his knees, and he feels so sick, so unwhole, so inadequate. He feels...shattered.

If Jasper had felt anything like this in her last few moments, he really is a monster after all.

Chapter Text

Less than twenty-four hours. That's what Steven had said. Pink knows it's not a very long time for humans, and even less for gems. Hardly worth noticing, really.

He tries to convince himself of that for the better part of an hour. It's one less to go, at least, but he can't imagine lasting any longer. Each minute without Steven makes Pink feel cold and alone and horrified at the stretch of eternity before him. Less than twenty-four hours is nothing with Steven, maybe, but without him...well. Pink doesn't have words for it.

He's still crumpled near the warp pad, an incomplete gem without any directive. His hands are covering his ears, trying to block voices that aren't Steven's. It reminds him of that day, when Steven had been trying to avoid Pink's voice like it was something terrible. Something dangerous. It had hurt, and Pink knows he shouldn't be doing it to these gems. They've done nothing to earn his dismissal, but interacting with them, even finding the will to, seems impossible. Another thing that resides with his other half maybe, along with everything good.

He's lost count of how many times he'd wished they could fuse, but he does it again now. He feels less guilty about it without Steven here - no, no, he doesn't want to think about him being gone - but it still feels wrong somehow. Wrong and right mixed together to form some sort of new emotion wrongrightwrong.

Is he betraying Steven by wishing for things to be simple again? Maybe he's no better than anyone else, wanting something from him until he has nothing left to give, until he's sick and angry enough to - but no, Pink did that. Pink did all of those awful things, and maybe that's why Steven doesn't want to be around him. Steven, Steven, Steven. He hopes that Steven is okay, that he isn't cold like Pink is, that he's happy, that he'll just please, please come back soon -

Pink closes his eyes and tries not to exist for awhile.

---

Some time later, the bright flourish of the warp pad brings him back to awareness. He blinks against the illumination, but there's barely enough time to hope before he sees it's Pearl. Only Pearl. He gives her an unhappy look which is readily returned. The other gems are sitting near him, and he isn't sure how long they've been there. It puts him on edge a little, though there's probably no reason for it. They aren't threats, and truthfully, would it matter if they were? Steven isn't here to protect, so he doubts he could call forth their shield even if he wanted to.

Amethyst is sprawled on the floor near him, tapping her fingers on the wood methodically. She grins at his attention, but he glances away to Sapphire, who's sitting primly, and Ruby who's sitting next to her. She looks a little uncomfortable, throwing Sapphire glances every few seconds. He doesn't remember them unfusing. Maybe they had an argument or something.

Pink goes back to staring at the warp pad, which unfortunately or not forces eye contact with Pearl again. Her perpetual frown is in place, and she steps towards them with a quizzical look.

"What on earth are you doing?" She asks. Pink doesn't know and doesn't care who it's directed at, but Ruby answers. From what he can remember of her, she'd never been one to like the silence. It seems both different and similar to Amethyst, more of a compulsion rather than boredom.

"Sapphire thought it would be good for Pink to get to know us, ah, separately."

Pearl seems about as unenthused as Pink is, and gives them a skeptical look as she passes. "Why?"

"Pfft, like there needs to be a reason." Amethyst says. "It's always fun when Garnet splits up."

Fun? Being split up? Pink clutches at his gem, feeling a little sick. He doesn't look away from the warp pad to give her an incredulous look, but he can't help the twist of his mouth. He considers removing Amethyst's silent title of his favorite, but decides against it. She gets the spot out of default if anything. Besides, maybe she just doesn't understand, not having another half and all.

"It's important for him to know that it's okay to be an individual." Sapphire murmurs, and Ruby nods enthusiastically in agreement. "Because you are an individual, Pink. Not just an extension of someone else, but you."

Pink doesn't even know where to start with that. He shakes his head at the sheer absurdity of the thought, still staring at the warp pad desperately. There's a clock somewhere in the kitchen, but he doesn't know if it's worth looking away to search for it. Besides, seeing how slowly time really moves doesn't sound appealing.

"She's right, dude. Our boy can't go more than a few minutes without talking, so there's no way you can be him."

Pink tries not to flinch. He knows she doesn't mean it to he hurtful. Amethyst seems determined to be his friend, and he can even respect the reason why. He makes Steven healthy, and that's enough of a reason for her to want him around. He gets it. He'd like anyone who made Steven healthy too. But the idea that he isn't a part of Steven? He isn't sure if that's worse than just being the bad parts of him. It sounds like it would be, if only because no part of Steven can truly be bad.

Ruby shifts a little closer to him, straightening her already straight posture. "Yeah, that's true! But there's nothing wrong with that, ya know. Being your own person is actually super awesome. And if - er, when - you get to be around someone else, you have so many unique things you get to share with that person. I don't know if you remember when me and Sapphy got into that argument, but-"

Pearl settles against the counter, regarding their apparent group therapy session with crossed arms. "Do you remember? Sorry, Ruby, I don't mean to interrupt."

She doesn't sound very sorry, but that could just be her tone whenever she's talking about Pink. He can almost feel her disapproval, but it's easy to disregard. He doesn't know why Steven is so terrified of it. He huffs in annoyance when she repeats the question, and the shade she turns is so vivid he can see it out of the corner of his eyes.

"Are you ignoring me? Is he ignoring me?"

"He does that to everyone, Pearl. And it's not like you've talked to him much in the past few days anyway."

"Well, excuse me, Amethyst, but I was a little worried about Steven."

Pink's eyes dart to her, instinctively chasing the name. Pearl seems surprised by the sudden attention, stiffening under his gaze before forcibly relaxing. She looks away first, examining her nails for imperfections that aren't there.

"He's doing very well, by the way. You should have seen how happy he was to see his friends. He hasn't been able to in so long -"

"And whose fault is that?" Pink says, and it takes him awhile to realize that it's him speaking, because he's never heard his voice sound like this. Not quite a yell (she's gone) but somehow more harsh. It hits him suddenly that he's angry with Pearl. Sure, maybe Pink had started this mess when he'd shattered Jasper, but Pearl had bubbled him. Had left him in there even when Steven was, when Steven could have...

Whatever her own feelings were about who Pink used to be shouldn't have mattered when Steven's wellbeing was at stake. The fact that he'd been reduced to taking human medicine when Pink could have spared him from the pain, the sickness, with a single touch - he blinks suddenly, looking at the bathroom door with a bemused glance.

Pearl makes a disbelieving sound as he stands. "You're blaming me? After everything you did to - where are you going?!"

Pink doesn't answer, stepping into the bathroom quickly. It's strange being in here. It's where they'd been torn apart, and Steven had always refused to let him in after.

'Privacy, Pink.' He'd mumble, blushing so much that he looked pink himself.

It only takes a moment for him to find what he's looking for. The medicine Steven had those few days ago. He'd never brought it out after that first shower. Pink was thrilled enough he apparently didn't need it anymore that the memory stuck. Of course, it probably would have anyway, with it involving Steven and all. He can't say what his own favorite color is (definitely not pink) but he can easily recount his top ten, twenty even, favorite memories. They all involve Steven.

But he's...gone for now, so won't he need this? There's no physical pain yet, but Pink's already feeling cold, and Steven is so fragile. He won't force Steven to come back (yet) but what if this will help?

Pearl has hardly finished her next sentence when Pink comes back into the room. The bottle feels so small and inconsequential in his hand, but it could be worth everything.

"Oh, hey, Steven's meds. Thanks, little dude." Amethyst is there to retrieve them, but Pink suddenly goes still. He'd been reading over the tiny human print curiously, wondering what this medicine is and what it does, but the date makes his insides turn to ice. It looks like it had even been refilled a few times.

Oh. He'd misunderstood before. Steven said he'd had a bad few weeks because he had other weeks for comparison. They hadn't been unfused for weeks at all - they'd been unfused for months.

There's a strange whistling in his ears, and the world is suddenly bathed in pink. Sapphire brings a hand up to block the bright light, but it doesn't stay still for long. It's reaching, reaching and then closing around Pink's hand slowly. Ruby follows her lead instantly, and Pink finds himself caught between two halves of a Garnet, possibly the only thing that's keeping him from being swept away entirely.

Months, months, months.

Steven had been suffering for months.

Pink had been without him, away from him, for months.
He can feel his brain stall again, lost and racing and having no chance of understanding, because he isn't supposed to be away from Steven at all. It goes against his very code. If he's not protecting him, then there's no reason for him to exist. Maybe that's why he'd been smaller than he was supposed to be when he'd reformed. He'd suspected it was because of the energy he'd expelled to unbubble himself, but maybe it was something else. A self punishment for his own inadequacy, his own failure.

Pink shakes his head, trembling. Twenty-four hours, months, weeks - none of it matters, because Pink needs to be with Steven now. Whatever else he can give him is another matter entirely, but Pink never should have negotiated on this.

Ruby and Sapphire are dragged along as he heads towards the warp pad. They're speaking to him, or maybe to Pearl or Amethyst or each other, but he can't hear a word. It's only when he reaches the base of the stairs that there's another flash of light, and Garnet is suddenly standing in front of him. She grasps his shoulders gently and bends down, staring into his frenzied eyes. Her own three are calm, gazing at him serenely.

"Steven's alright, Pink. He is now, and he will be in the future. I promise you that."

Pink's still trembling, and there are tears pooling in his eyes again. He's still reeling, lost in how long Steven had been in pain in the past and what could happen to him next. Garnet has been wrong about these things before, hasn't she? It's just not worth the risk. Nothing is worth the risk when it comes to Steven, not anymore. Not ever.

He snarls, readying to throw her to the side or even poof her if he has to when something is put in front of his face. It's Amethyst's phone, and the threatening glare he means to send her melts into something else.

Because it has a picture of Steven on it. A very recent one, if Pink knows Steven at all, (which he does) and he's smiling. It's such a vibrant one, like the sun rising or well, there's really no fair comparison, because it's beautiful. There are other humans huddled around him, but they may as well be house plants for how much Pink notices them.

Steven looks so happy.

It's such a different expression than the ones Pink had seen these past few days, and it makes him hurt and ecstatic all at once. He can feel his glow fading to it's normal level, but he can't get his tears to stop. Stars, he'd probably put the old Blue to shame with how quickly they're coming. He wipes them away distractedly, feeling the edge of his smile. He probably looks manic and maybe he is, but it's not something he feels the need to make sense of right now.

Steven is happy.

"See?" Amethyst says gently. "He's okay. Connie just posted these."

She even scrolls down, revealing more Steven pictures. There's no complaint when Pink snatches the phone from her, sinking back to the floor with his prize. Amethyst follows him, and for the first time, he isn't annoyed by her proximity. He even sags into her side, smiling silently at a video of Steven laughing. She seems to take it as the only thanks she's going to get, ruffling his hair playfully.

There's a faint whoosh of shifting matter as Garnet summons her glasses, and she crouches down to watch Pink's Steven show. It's slow going and repetitive, what with Pink savoring and going back to posts he'd just seen, but she doesn't seem to mind.

Pearl does when he holds out the medicine bottle without looking away. He gives them a small, demanding shake. "Take these to him now."

She splutters, affronted. "You can't just order people around! This isn't Homeworld!"

Garnet frowns, poking him sternly. "She's right. Say please, Pink."

"Please, Pink." He murmurs, lost in an older looking video of Steven singing. Amethyst guffaws, but he doesn't notice, hopelessly in awe in Steven's voice. Apparently, it's a 'cover', which Pink vaguely recalls means that Steven didn't write it. He can't imagine how anyone could sound better than him, so the knowledge seems a little redundant.

"When I see the way you act,
wondering when I'm coming back,
I could do about anything...
I could even learn how to love like you."

Pink repeats the song when it's over, glancing at the time near the top of the screen. Suddenly, the wait doesn't seem as terrible as before.

Chapter Text

Pink spends a long time staring at the screen. He can feel the hours slipping by, and he's not unaffected by them. There's a slight discomfort forming the longer he goes without his Steven, something more than just being cold. It's not really pain yet, nothing to make him go searching for him, but it makes the only other connection he has for now seem all the more important.

Amethyst had tried to retrieve the electronic once, but Pink batted her hand away. It's probably a bit unfair - he knows that it's not his, and she's probably worried about Steven too. But Garnet has a phone, and it's not like he's stopping Amethyst from looking over his shoulder. It seems like an acceptable compromise.

They're still interacting with him, but Pink doesn't register much of it. The world moves around him in a blur that he doesn't try to be a part of. His periodic glances towards the warp tell him that Pearl doesn't return, though. She just needs some time, according to the other gems, but it's not her that he's waiting for.

Greg does return. He makes enough of a racket for Pink to notice, and he irritably increases the phone's volume. The single look he gives him reveals that he's brought some things in. He gives Pink a little wave when he catches his gaze.

"Figured I'd fix some stuff around here before Stew-ball gets back. It might be a late nighter. Good thing you guys don't need sleep."

"Ugh, don't speak for me, Greg." Amethyst whines, flopping back on the floor. "Once you get used to sleeping, it's hard to go without it. It's almost as good as eating. Ruby, order us a pizza or something!"

Half of the again separated Garnet (when had they unfused again?) makes some sort of reply that Pink tunes out. His 'cyberstalking' as Amethyst calls it is painting a hazy picture, showing him bits of Steven's life in these past few...months. It hadn't been very long after they'd been split up when he'd starting posting. It makes Pink sad and happy again, knowing he hadn't been miserable for long. He's starting to think all human emotions are tangled up like that, or maybe it's just him.

He chews on the end of his finger, scrolling further. Pink has to switch over to Connie's profile when he exhausts Steven's, and combing through irrelevant pictures and videos to look for the human he wants is irritating.

It's nothing quite like how glimpses of Stevonnie makes him feel. The sight of the fusion brings forth an emotion that's very singular. He tries to avoid them, hand clenching so hard it nearly cracks the screen. For a moment, he thinks he does anyway. Another accident, another mistake. But it's only the phone vibrating, shaking in a strange way. A little window overtakes the top screen.

everything ok?

Pink's eyes widen, and he can feel himself glowing brightly. It's a message from his Steven. It's certainly not for him, but he entertains the idea anyway. Daydreaming, he thinks it's called, or maybe just wishful thinking. Sapphire wanders over, crouching near a now lightly snoring Amethyst. The blue gem runs a hand through her bangs, blinking at the screen.

"Oh, it is Steven." She says, cocking her head slightly. "I thought I saw him texting in this timeline. Do you want to respond? He'll be concerned if he doesn't get an answer."

Pink glows brighter, though he doesn't know why. It's a simple if not upsetting statement. He doesn't like the idea of Steven worrying about anything. The entire idea of letting him leave was so that he could be...happy, right? But he really doubts Steven would want him responding. He doubts he could recreate Amethyst's personal brand of 'texting' either, though the idea is unappealing anyway. When he speaks to Steven, he wants him to know it.

Pink settles for shaking his head, offering the phone to her silently. He has no intention of letting him get sick again, regardless of what he wants, but she must not know Steven well if she thinks he wants anything more to do with Pink right now. He'd left as soon as he'd been well enough to leave, and even if hurts, Pink has to respect that. Well, has to try.

Sapphire hums, taking the offered electronic to type out a reply. She hesitates in the middle of it, staring into the distance before turning to speak to Ruby.

"The pizza is here, but don't let Greg eat the Sea Food Lover's Special. They're trying a new recipe that will give him food poisoning."

Ruby scrambles for the door, looking squeamish. "Aw geez, remember when that happened last time? He turned so green we thought he was dying. He threw up all over the -"

"I don't like that story!" Greg squeaks, poking his head over the second floor with a grimace.

Pink watches the exchange, feeling disturbed. The mental image of Greg vacating his stomach is unpleasant, but it's more of how sudden the future seems to be. Or at least how Sapphire's perception of it is. Does she really know if Steven will be okay, or will some sudden change hit her before they can stop it? He takes the phone back from her silently, reading over fresh words.

She hadn't tried to mimic Amethyst either, and Steven picks up on the proper grammar and lack of emojis quickly. It's not even a minute later when another text comes through, the phone shaking in Pink's hand almost accusingly.

wait, is this Amethyst? if it is, you're acting weird

Pink swallows. He looks at Sapphire again, but she's gone to help Ruby with boxes presumably containing pizza. She doesn't need the help - Rubies are strong - and she proves it by lifting them one handed like they're weights. Sapphire giggles, and Ruby grins like it's the best sound in the world.

"Would you like some, Pink?" Sapphire asks, trailing back to him as Ruby sets the food on the counter. One of them, presumably the infected pizza, is set to the side. Greg gives it a dubious look as he comes down the stairs.

Pink shakes his head, holding the phone tighter. Amethyst is stirring at the smell of food, fumbling into a sitting position groggily. Her hair is plastered to the side of her face that had been against the floor.

"Wha-? What's that fishy smell?"

"Some new pizza that woulda given Greg food poisoning." Ruby answers, bringing over a few plates. She gives one to Sapphire before sitting cross legged next to her. The small soldier gives Pink a grin as she plops a plate in front of him too. He gives it a disgusted once over - it doesn't look very appetizing, even for human food. Ruby doesn't seem to have any reservations though, and Amethyst had snatched the poisonous pizza for herself. Sapphire gives her own piece a few nibbles, nodding sagely at the taste.

"You should try it." She says. "You'll like it."

Pink doesn't know if that's a guess or her foretelling that he'll like it, but the thought is abandoned when the phone vibrates again. It's just a single question mark this time, but still a message from his Steven. Pink's glow brightens a little, and Greg shields his eyes theatrically when he comes over.

"What's with the light show, little guy?" He asks, and after a moment of hesitation, joins their half circle on the floor. "Heh, it's kinda like a sleepover or something. We might have to move it a little when I fix the floor, though."

Amethyst peeks over his shoulder, chewing her pizza thoughtfully. "You should just text him back, dude."

You should do this, you should do that. Pink isn't fond of all these orders, and considers refusing just for the sake of it. But...it's Steven. Sapphire seems occupied with her pizza, and Amethyst is trying to swallow three pieces whole. Pink's responding before he can think of why he shouldn't, or how it would just be easier to give the phone to someone else.

everything is fine, Steven

Pink's chewing on the end of his finger again as soon as it goes through, his vision tunneled onto the screen. He doesn't know if everything really is fine with Steven, but he still has Sapphire's future vision to rely on, even if it does seem to be flimsy. And he can still feel his spark, that tiny, precious flicker of warmth. Even if it is...duller with the distance. Pink shakes his head, not liking that train of thought. Steven is fine. Steven has to be fine, otherwise what's the point of Pink even existing at all -

if you say so :)

The newest reply makes Pink relax a little, but there's still tension in his form that he can't displace. He doesn't think it's possible to truly relax without Steven here, and doesn't know how to try anyway. He has the urge to go back to 'cyberstalking', but the little dancing bubbles mean that Steven is still typing. Or at least he thinks so. Steven never really waited around to watch people respond unless it was Connie.

Pink frowns again, feeling less inclined to try the pizza that Ruby is again offering him. He pushes the plate away with his foot distractedly, and the cat seemingly materializes to sniff at it. Sapphire scolds it gently, and the pizza is returned to Pink's section of the floor. Steven is still typing, still, still, still. Pink can't imagine what information Amethyst needs that demands such volume, but he's eager anyway, if not a little dreadful.

Being apart is still so strange, so foreign. The details of whatever Steven is doing are precious in a way that breathing must be to humans. He feels like he's been holding his own breath since he'd left (Steven, don't leave) and he'll grasp for whatever air he can get. The wealth of words he expects doesn't come though, only a short question that has him staring.

is he doing ok?

More dancing bubbles follow, but quickly go still. Steven doesn't respond again, but Pink hardly notices. His eyes are wide as he reads and rereads again. Steven had asked about him? It's too impossible to believe - Greg is here too, so maybe he'd meant him? That makes even less sense, considering he had his own phone if Steven wanted to check on his wellbeing. Pink is replying before the logic can set in.

greg?

very funny, amethyst. you know who i mean

Pink feels a spark of warmth, not unlike the one he feels whenever his human is nearby. He looks at the warp pad to check, but he doesn't seem to be here yet. No, it seems to be coming from somewhere else. It seems to be something else. Pink feels...a little happy.

"Pink, you're smiling." Ruby points out, shocked. Amethyst laughs a little, thumping him on the shoulder. He doesn't get the reason for the attention, so he mostly ignores it. He's smiled before, so why was this noteworthy? These gems are so bizarre sometimes. Pink feels less and less in tune with them the longer he's unfused. Maybe that had been Steven all along. Greg takes another bite of pizza, seeming bemused too.

"Geez, you really do look like Steven when you smile. Are you gonna keep that form forever?"

Pink's resulting glare makes Greg choke. Amethyst thumps his back a few times, but doesn't seem very concerned. He probably won't die or anything, then.

"If this is the form that Pink feels most comfortable in, then there's little else to say." Sapphire murmurs. "A gem's form is a very personal thing."

Greg looks sheepish. "Right, yeah. I didn't mean - we're just glad you're here, buddy. Steven needed you."

Pink doesn't like the past tense of that. Steven still needs him, right? Their connection had sealed in a way after being together again, but he can feel it starting to fray. Discomfort that will turn into pain if left unchecked. If they spend more time together, will Steven be healed completely? Will he not need Pink at all then? Pink is lost in his thoughts, that little bit of warmth long gone. He should want that for Steven. Steven would he happy if he never had to see Pink again.

(I can't see him without thinking about Jasper)

Amethyst slings an arm over his shoulders, and Sapphire puts delicate fingertips on his hand. Her own hand isn't that much smaller than his. Pink blinks down at it. He truly feels nothing at these displays of friendliness, and he's glad for it. They'll disappear the second Steven doesn't need him to be healthy anymore, probably like Steven wishes he would do.

But Steven had asked about him, had thought about him. It was probably only to check that he hadn't hurt anyone else, but it's something. He looks at the message again, but finds he doesn't have any words to form a response. The fact that Steven is okay is all that matters to him. Steven would want an answer, though. He gives Amethyst her phone back reluctantly, and she takes it easily. She's quick to text back, giving Pink another grin that he doesn't know what to do with.

He sighs and looks at the warp, tuning out the world for a bit.

Only a few more hours to go.

---

By the time night truly falls, Amethyst is sleeping again and Garnet is back. Sapphire and Ruby had told more stories than he could count (or that he'd wanted to count, but they hadn't been discouraged by his silence) and before he knew it, Garnet had been finishing one that they'd started. Pink hadn't asked about the change, and Garnet didn't offer an explanation. What explanation is needed really? Ruby and Sapphire love each other. The sky is blue.  Garnet is Garnet. At least someone should get to fuse around here.

Greg had asked him to move from his spot on the floor awhile ago, in order to fix the cracks. He'd mistaken Pink's frown for some kind of doubt, explaining that he'd practically built this entire house, you know.

"I know." Pink had responded quietly, guilt churning in his gem as he stroked the broken floor with his fingers.

(Another accident around Steven)

Greg looked surprised at his response, but Pink had ignored him after that. Garnet eventually picked him up, and Pink barely had time to widen his eyes at the motion before she'd deposited him on the couch. Amethyst followed, trying to get Pink to try different kinds of snacks like he hadn't just been picked up like a human child. Being a diamond means little to him, but still.

Pink finds himself in front of the warp again, staring at it desolately. Garnet hadn't stopped him, and Greg had left when he'd finished. It hadn't been that long ago, despite how late it is. He'd been putting off fixing things around the house ever since Steven got sick, and that isn't counting the things Pink had broken since then.

Amethyst is snoring on the vacated couch, using Garnet's lap as a pillow. Certainly gems don't need that much sleep. Maybe she's defective or something. Steven had always been too kind to entertain the thought, but she is pretty small. Though if a smaller than intended size makes a gem defective, Pink is too.

His glow shimmers in the darkened room, dull but always there. He can hear the wind blowing outside, along with the low mumbles of whatever movie Garnet is watching. Or maybe she's sleeping too. Pink doesn't look to check. He only stares at the pad, willing it to activate. It's technically tomorrow, isn't it? Steven could come home any minute now.

He won't, but he could.

Pink pulls at his fingers anxiously, hating that they aren't warm, aren't soft like Steven's.

Amethyst's returned phone is forgotten at his side. He'd exhausted every picture and video of Steven on the internet. He'd even resorted to Ronaldo's blog. The strange human has an unhealthy obsession with gems, Steven in particular. Though that's probably because he's the only one who speaks to him. Pink had abandoned it when he'd reached his own section. Apparently his shattering of Jasper is common knowledge now, though he feels the event is exaggerated a little. Or maybe it isn't, considering he hardly remembers doing it at all.

Pink's feeling cold again, just the start of an actual ache coming through. It's certainly the only reason he's allowing Cat Steven to sleep curled against him. She's warm, even if it's only a little bit. His hand seeks out her fur unconsciously, burying his fingers in the softness. He tries stroking it like he's seen the gems do - like he likes doing to Steven's hair. It doesn't feel nearly as satisfying, but the rumbling noise she makes in response doesn't feel awful. He tries to pretend it's Steven's pulse, a sound he misses more than anything. Gems don't have heartbeats, just occasional thrums of power that aren't nearly as constant or soothing.

But no. Steven isn't just something to soothe him, is he? He recalls his human's increasing bitterness over the years, the insecurity. How everyone always seemed to want something from him that he didn't know if he could give. Pink doesn't know if those were his thoughts too, has given up on trying to decipher the past when the present is too much. He feels angry with himself anyway, because what if he's just like everyone else? He touches Steven to make him healthy, but maybe his own selfish reasons get mixed up with that too. Pink doesn't know what to think anymore.

He pushes Cat Steven away, not wanting that warmth and definitely not deserving it, and she gives him a sullen look. Pink gives her one of his own, wrapping his arms around his knees.

The light of the warp pad surprises them both, illuminating the house brilliantly before fading. Pink scrambles to his feet, but it's only Pearl again. He isn't sure if this is going to become a habit of hers, returning without Steven, but he doesn't like it. Pink doesn't like much of anything right now.

Pearl gives him an appraising look, her lips pursing into a barely contained frown. She does a cursory sweep of the room, lingering on the repaired floor and the other gems. Pink's shoulders slump as the reality of more hours waiting sets in, and Pearl looks at him again. She stiffens almost defensively, descending the stairs without her usual grace. Her hands are empty, but her fingers twitch like she wants the comfort of her weapon.

Or maybe it's just the ire of forgotten pizza boxes, as she bypasses him to move them to the trash.

"Honestly, you all could have cleaned up. I know you're not sleeping, Garnet."

There's a pause, and then, "Worth a shot. Sorry, Pearl."

Pearl mutters to herself, or maybe to Garnet. It's hard to tell. Pink can feel himself slipping again. He usually welcomes it, given that time without Steven isn't time worth noticing, but he wills it away for now. Garnet rises to help clean, but Amethyst doesn't wake up. Pearl ties the bag of trash neatly when they're done, heading towards the door presumably to put it in the can outside. That doesn't make a lot of sense to Pink, as most things don't, but he doesn't ask about it. He has other things on his mind. He darts after her into the night air.

She startles when he appears behind her, placing a hand against her chest in a strangely human fashion.

"Gah! What are you doing?!"

Pink stares at her, still on the porch while she's a bit further down the stairs. His glow doesn't seem as bad out here, not with the moonlight reflecting off the conservatory like it is. Steven had gone up there once, but he didn't stay long. He'd apparently tried to take care of the plants when he was sick, but most of them had died. Clearing them out hadn't been a priority, and he didn't ask Pink to heal what was left. He wonders if it still smells like decay.

Pearl looks at his blank expression with one morphing into annoyance. He can see pink reflecting in her eyes.

"Well, are you going to say anything? No one can read your mind, you know."

"Steven could." He says quietly, and she jolts like she hadn't just demanded he'd responded. Maybe she didn't expect him to.

"Yes, back when you were fused." Pearl says, and the word sounds dirty somehow. An accusation he doesn't know how he deserves. His eyes narrow a little. He's not Pink Diamond anymore, but a Pearl speaking so direspectively just grates on basic gem coding. She continues with a voice as sharp as her spear. "He doesn't want to fuse anymore. Whatever this is seems to work for now. You can't force him, you know."

"I know." Pink says, but it just seems to anger her further. She turns to march down the stairs, hauling the bag of trash with her. Pink follows. The outdoor trashcans are kept on the side of the house, and the two gems walk through the night silently. Pearl puts the bag in, but doesn't turn to face him. There's a tenseness in her delicate shoulder blades that warns of the outburst long before she lets it out.

"You can't just come back and ruin everything for him! You don't get to do that!"

Pink doesn't respond, doesn't even know if it's him she's talking to or Pink Diamond or Rose Quartz or all three.

"You chose to give up your life and leave m- us to allow Steven to live, so you can't make this about you now."

Pearl looks at him over her shoulder, and Pink recognizes those eyes. They're protective, fierce, unyielding. Pink doesn't look in mirrors very often, but he's sure his own eyes look like that whenever he thinks about Steven. Which he guesses is all the time.

"I won't let you hurt him anymore. I don't know what all you remember, I don't know -" She takes a breath, seemingly trying to calm herself. "The others think you're not Pink Diamond, not the one we knew. But I saw how hurt Steven was after you did what you did. It doesn't matter who you are, because I won't allow it to happen again."

The threat is blatant enough that even Pink picks up on it. Pearl would bubble him again, or so she seems to think. But those months of Steven suffering are a stain on his being, his existence. Pink had failed him once, but it couldn't happen again. Not when the stakes are so high.

"He could have died without me." Pink mutters. "You're the one who was making it about you."

Because that's the truth, isn't it? The truth that makes his anger with her resurface. Pink should have been brought back the second Steven started getting sick at all. He can't imagine Garnet and Amethyst protesting that fact as much as Pearl would have. Steven's desires had swayed their decision maybe, but Pearl's had cemented it.

"How dare you!" Pearl snaps, and it's shrill enough to send a few seagulls towards the stars. "Who do you think you are?"

'I don't know.' He thinks honestly, but doesn't say.

They stare, glare, at each other for so long Pink can feel himself starting to slip again. It makes him jittery, eager to return inside so he can drift where he'd see Steven return.

"Is...he okay?" He asks eventually, and it takes more energy than it should scraping the question out. He's used all his words up for now. Pearl's nostrils flare, but she doesn't seem inclined to further the argument just yet.

"He was sleeping the last I checked on him."

Pink nods, happiness and sadness twisted into something damning again. It makes his glow fluctuate like a malfunctioning light. Like a defective gem. Pink doesn't notice. He's picturing Steven's face, that rare peace softening his features as he sleeps. Pink treasured those hours, treasured Steven's breaths and the soft curl of his hair. Pink would always chase the nightmares away, letting Steven cling to him and clinging back in return. Will he have nightmares there too? Where even is he?

Connie's most likely, and the thought makes Pink feel sour again. Selfish. Steven loves Connie, so Pink can hardly dislike her. After accusing Pearl of ignoring Steven's needs, it doesn't make any sense for him to. That doesn't make it any easier, though.

He trudges behind Pearl on their way back inside. She doesn't speak to him again, but he wouldn't have heard if she did. He's lost and drifting again, waiting for his anchor to pull him back to a reality he isn't even sure he has a place in anymore.

'please come home soon' Pink thinks, begs, and then closes his eyes. He actually manages to sleep, and Amethyst is right. It's nice.

---

Nice isn't a word Pink would use to describe how he's feeling when he wakes up. If this is the trade off for sleep, he'll never close his eyes again. The ache had gotten deeper, colder, and Pink doesn't know how long it had been worsening. Did the discomfort wake him up, or does sleep simply stop randomly?

Pink sits up, instinctively feeling for that small but there feeling that is Steven. It's so distant - Pink doesn't know how he'd thought Steven had been far away when he'd reformed. The temple is nothing compared to this. Pink shuffles through their shared memories, trying to remember exactly where Connie lives, but so many things are vague. Everything not involving Steven just seems so unimportant.

Amethyst's phone is gone, and he doesn't see her anywhere. Cat Steven had taken advantage of his sleep and curled up on top of him. Someone had put a blanket over them at some point, and Pink kicks it off. The cat lets out an unhappy screech when he tries to do the same to it, digging its sharp toes in. Pink growls, carrying the stupid creature just to save time. If this is how he makes Steven feel, well. At least Pink helps him feel better in the process. What does Pink get other than loose fur everywhere? But that's hardly important now.

Because if Pink is feeling bad, he knows from unwanted experience that Steven is feeling worse.

His search for the other gems is short. Amethyst is still on the couch, snoring loudly under a blanket of her own. It's another human habit they must have picked up, considering gems rarely get cold. Pink does, but it's not a blanket he needs. He nudges her once, and when that doesn't work, he grabs her ankle and drags her to the floor.

"Ugh, what the hell?" She blinks up at the ceiling before fixing Pink with a groggy, betrayed look. "Dude, not cool! Sleep is a good thing!"

Pink shakes his head, clutching his gem silently. She seems to awaken fully at his expression, looking over him quizzically. "You feeling okay? Is Steven -"

"Sick again." Pink says, and the words make something already struggling in him shrivel up further. Steven's wants and needs are conflicting again, so much so that Pink doesn't even try to factor himself into the equation this time.

"Aw, man, okay." Amethyst is rising quickly, upheaving one of the couch cushions to locate her phone. She curses when the screen doesn't respond, and is walking past him when the temple door opens to reveal Garnet.

"Greg is already on his way to pick him up." She says, cutting Amethyst off. "He'll vomit in the warp, and I doubt that'll be an easy mess to clean."

Pink hopes she's joking, but Amethyst doesn't laugh. She runs a hand through her tangled hair, looking shaken. "I thought he'd be okay this time. What with Pink and him getting better these past few days."

"He'll be okay. It's nothing he hasn't been through before." Garnet says, and if that's meant to make the situation any better, it's failing.

Failing. Pink is failing Steven again. He's supposed to keep him safe, he's supposed to -

Pink drifts again, Cat Steven's sharp toes digging into him suddenly far away. He eventually feels a hand on his shoulder, a gem embedded in its palm. It's strange enough that Pink flinches, rising through layers of despair slowly but surely to shake her off. Gems don't touch other's gems, not unless they're close with one another or fighting. That's just the way it is. Pink's own gem churns unpleasantly, rejecting the touch as his glow spikes threateningly. Garnet puts her hands up placatingly, light dancing off the stones.

"He'll be okay. You two will have to find a way to work together, and you will. I've seen it."

Pink can't see her eyes to look for deception, but she seems sincere. She seems sure. Then again, she already said Steven would be okay, and he clearly isn't. He turns away from her, heading out the front door. It's bright outside, and it drowns out Pink's glow even more than the moonlight had. He clings the porch railing tightly, hoping he doesn't break it but not really trying not to. He wants to go after Steven, to chase the sick away like he's supposed to do. But Steven won't be happy, and Greg is supposed to be on his way, right? The cat climbs onto his shoulder clumsily. It rubs its face against Pink's own, oblivious to his meltdown.

The beach spread out before the house looks so empty. They have so many memories of playing there, and Steven had found it beautiful no matter how many times he looked at it. Pink doesn't see the appeal, but how could anything be beautiful without Steven? He's sure his prescence would light up the barren land more than Pink's glow could ever do.

He's proven right when Greg's van sputters through the sand some time later. His Steven is in the passenger seat, looking a little pale but not as bad as Pink had feared. He's leaping over the railing instantly, just remembering to grab the cat before it falls off. He abandons it on the ground just as Steven opens the door. And promptly vomits on the sand.

His human makes a noise of disgust, slumping back into the seat. Pink is frozen with worry for a moment before rushing forward.

"Whoa, Pink, don't step in it -" Steven cuts off as Pink wraps around him, shivering and glowing erratically like he's the one that's sick. Pink knows it's pathetic, and he apologizes repeatedly as he buries his face in Steven's neck. It's sweaty, but Pink doesn't care, doesn't care about anything or anyone but this. Always Steven, forever.

"I missed you." He whispers, kissing Steven's skin in a way that makes him sag. He doesn't know if it's relief from the healing, or defeat that Pink is the one to administer it. It makes him apologize again, and Steven sighs.

"I know." Steven says eventually. Pink doesn't know which statement he's responding to, but it doesn't matter. Steven's hand comes to rest on his back, and it feels like home.

Chapter Text

Steven tries to be kind to him, Pink knows that.

Kindness is instinctive for his sweet human, afterall. Something given out so freely he hardly has to think about it. Pink usually falls in that category too, despite how little Steven wants him around. He still offers his hand to him, still gives him bits of food that Pink pretends to like. Sometimes, he even runs fingers through Pink's hair, commenting on how different of a feel it is to his own. Steven likes what little differences they have, and Pink can't decide if he's thrilled with Steven liking something about him or hurt that it only seems to be what they don't share.

On the days where Steven's kindness runs out, he stares at their similar features like they're something offensive. Something awful. He's always shorter with Pink when he can't seem to draw his eyes away from the gem that he's become so adept at avoiding.

Today is one of those days.

Steven's been stuck indoors due to a particularly bad storm, and it's the longest he'd been around Pink since he'd left that first time. There haven't been any more sleepovers, thank stars, but they've discovered through weeks of experience that Steven does okay if he's only away for a few hours. Steven had put them to use immediately, leaving Pink behind with less of a goodbye each time. He hardly even glances at him anymore, and - well, Pink just tries not to be too satisfied with this routine change.

He's sprawled on the floor below the couch, utterly fascinated by Steven's bare foot. The toes are so much smaller than his fingers are, and aren't as satisfying to bend, but the skin is still soft. He wonders if his other foot is the same, but it's propped up on the coffee table and out of his reach. Pearl would be annoyed by that, but she isn't here, and neither is anyone else. Pink wasn't listening when the gems were talking, but it was apparently some kind of emergency. Steven chews his nails a lot, glancing at his phone for any updates from them. Greg had offered to drive over, but Steven hadn't wanted him to be exposed to the weather.

Connie had tried to come too - Lion could get her to wherever she wanted without risk - but Steven hadn't wanted her to visit either. He'd hesitated much longer on that refusal than Greg's, but the grimace he'd sent in Pink's direction seemed to decide it more than anything else. It didn't make much sense to him, given that Lion could pick him up or he could use that weird whistle thing to activate the warp.

He doesn't ask about it, though.

It's weirdly gratifying having the others trust that he won't hurt his Steven. Besides, he isn't about to argue with more time with him, no matter how put out he seems by the self imposed isolation. Well, as isolated as he is with Pink. The gem still mostly considers himself to be his human's other half, though he's learned by now not to say it aloud.

Steven's looking at him when Pink glances up, and his cheeks color at being caught before he jerks his head back to the TV. He's watching some sort of news station that Pink isn't fond of. There's just so many accidents and tragedies on this planet. Humans are horrifically stupid when it comes to their safety. And they're so...fragile. It makes Pink's skin crawl and his fingers grip tighter. Steven squirms when he does, and Pink brushes the tip of his finger over the bottom of his foot again curiously. There's that weird squirm again, along with a snort of aborted breath he usually only hears when Amethyst draws it out.

"Cut it out. I'm ticklish."

The gem frowns, searching their fuzzy memories for the word. It doesn't seem threatening, but it sounds like some sort of defect. Pink's frown deepens in worry. He wipes the expression from his face when Steven glances at him again, trying to look innocent until he turns back to the TV. Waiting a few more minutes until Steven relaxes fully, he inches closer.

And then swipes his tongue over the side of Steven's foot.

Steven squeals, jerking from his grasp and nearly falling from the couch entirely. Pink startles, his shield coming for the first time since he'd reformed. It settles easily into his now free hand as Pink jumps to his feet. Irritably, he shakes the unneeded weapon out of existence before meeting Steven's startled gaze. He seems unhurt, but Pink still looks him over, seeking the injury that had caused such an intense reaction.

"D-did you just lick me?!"

Pink had brightened so much during the commotion that it makes Steven squint, but he can still see the incredulous annoyance in his eyes. Pink deflates a little, feeling silly all of a sudden for some reason. "I was healing you."

Steven shakes his head, but his breathing seems to slow to a normal level. He gives Pink another incredulous look, but it seems to be less annoyed at least. A perplexed sort of resignation. "I don't need healing, okay? I'm fine."

Pink isn't convinced, eying Steven's feet in a way that the human doesn't seem to trust. He snatches a blanket off the back of the couch, covering his lower half protectively. Or somewhat protectively. The weeping breakfast adorned fabric doesn't look like much of a shield, but Pink accepts the flimsy barrier for what Steven wants it to be. Still...

"You said you were ticklish." Pink mutters, the word strange and unfamiliar. Is it another forgotten thing from their shared life, or something new from when Pink hadn't been a part of his? Regardless, Pink feels uneasy, thoughts of sickness making his shoulders stiffen.

Steven's abrupt laugh takes him by surprise, breaking the glare he'd been sending towards a depressed looking pancake. "N-no, tickling isn't something you have to heal. It doesn't hurt."

Pink can feel his brows furrow. "But you...yelled."

Steven's the one who looks unsure now, and he shifts a little under Pink's steady gaze. The harsh wind knocking something against the house makes him flinch, looking momentarily to the side. Pink doesn't so much as twitch, only cocking his head in question when Steven turns back.

He puffs out a breath, looking uncertain again. "It just feels really funny. It doesn't hurt or anything. Nothing's wrong with me."

He adds a slightly bitter 'besides the obvious' under his breath that stings a little, but Pink's used to these little bits of pain now, and ignores it with practiced ease. When Steven sighs and gestures to the space next to him, Pink all but dives on the couch, pressing against Steven's side like a cat.

Well, like Cat Steven. He isn't really sure how other cats act, considering he can't remember them very well. It's getting harder to remember things the longer they're unfused. He wonders if it's the same with him, or if that defect is all Pink's. Steven gives him his hand again freely though, arm resting around Pink in a more reflexive gesture than a conscious one. It makes Pink melt a little, and though it doesn't feel funny like tickling apparently does, he can feel himself smiling.

Maybe defects aren't that important anyway.

---

The storm is still raging when Steven finally falls asleep. He'd sent a few wary looks towards the rain battered glass while he was awake, but didn't let Pink bubble him. He's fearful for his new bed, which had come in about a week after Greg had ordered it. Pink's a little insulted by the concern, considering how hard he's been trying not to break anything else.

Steven had attempted to sleep on his own for the first few nights, delegating Pink first to the couch and then the sick watching chair when his nightmares wouldn't stop. Eventually, he'd given in, but only after his eyes had grown dark and he'd snapped at Pink even more than he usually did.

The gem hums quietly when his sleeping human startles at another wind driven clash. He feels a spike of irritation when the sound repeats, and glares quietly at the glass door. When he looks back, Steven's expression is tense again, eyelids twitching in sleep that should be, usually is with Pink around, peaceful. The cat is burrowed somewhere between their tangled feet, and it gives a terrified shake of it's own that makes Pink sigh.

Peeling away from Steven carefully, the heart he doesn't have clenches at the whimper the separation earns.

"I'll be right back." He says quietly, giving his searching hand a squeeze. A furry head pokes out from the blanket when he leaves the bed, and he gives it a stern command to stay silent. It mews right away, of course, defiant as always. The sound is so pathetically frightened though that Pink can't help but give it a quick stroke, his glowing thumb swiping across its ruined eye.

"I'll be right back." He repeats. It makes no response, but Pink thinks it understands anyway. It's not as dumb as he originally believed.

He closes the door sharply when opening it brings forth the impossibly loud wind. He throws a wary look over his shoulder to Steven, but he doesn't rouse. Pink brushes his forehead softly before heading downstairs.

He's quick to close the front door behind him, listening in vain for any indication that his human had woken up. The wind is much too loud to hear much of anything, and it tears at his form's clothing aggressively. Walking along the edge of the porch reveals that quite a few of the wooden railings had been torn off and thrown onto the beach.

Rain has him soaked through in only a few moments, and he banishes his useless jacket in annoyance. Is earth always so chaotic? So dangerous? The TV said that humans have died in storms like these, right? Pink glares at the dark sky, daring it to try and take his. He has a few memories of them as a child, cowering in Greg or the gems' arms as sirens went off. He can't hear any now, but it still seems like an unacceptable risk.

By the time Pink is finished, he's exhausted. It's another contradictory thing though, mixed in with a satisfaction that makes his gem thrum a little. It's been awhile since he'd really used his powers like this, even longer since they hadn't been held back.

(Jasper's eyes going wide as the wall of pink came forwards, her gasp lost against the sound of it shattering -)

Pink shakes the past away, nudging Steven's door closed. It's so quiet now he can hear Steven's breathing, can hear rain dripping from him onto the wooden floor. His glow has dulled enough that he can hardly see the puddle forming, but he can hear the squelch of it it against his sand caked feet. He wiggles his toes contemplatively, frowning. He can hardly get back in bed like this. What if Steven gets sick again? But he's already squirming within his blankets, unhappy noises breaking up the silence occassionally.

Pink wipes his hand dry as best he can before grabbing Steven's own. He always feels so warm to him, so soft. Do all humans feel like this? It seems impossible for anything of Steven to be replicated by anyone else, and the thought prods at a constantly lurking fear. One that he's good at ignoring, but can never eliminate entirely.

(You're not me)

If he isn't a part of Steven, who even is he really? Pink is only a name, a word that Steven hardly says anymore. It may as well just be the memory that everyone treats it as - a ghost of someone who he barely remembers at all.

Steven makes another sound. It's sharp and pleading as he searches blindly in his sleep.

"Pink." He murmurs, and the gem feels shattered and whole all at once. Another contradiction he can't begin to make sense of.

"I'm right here." He says, squeezing Steven's hand until he calms. "Whoever I am."

Pink leaves once more to grab a towel, wiping at his soaked form until it's mostly dry. His clothes are a lost cause, and he finds himself too tired to summon more. Vanishing them, he roots around in Steven's new dresser a little guiltily. Steven won't be happy about it, but it's better than getting him wet too.

He settles on a pair of soft pants he's seen Steven wear to bed, and an old looking sweatshirt with those crying foods on it. It's dark enough that it makes his pink skin look even brighter by comparison, but it's the only one he never sees his human wear. Maybe he won't mind as much. He has to roll both of them somewhat, and the effect is a little childish, but it's comfortable and dry and Steven cuddles up to him immediately when he gets back in bed, and -

It's surprisingly easy to sleep.

---

Steven wakes him up sometime later, a first as far as Pink knows. He blinks against pink light, wondering if he'd been glowing too brightly in his sleep again. Steven isn't looking at him, though. He's going back through his door, shoulders slack with disbelief as he stares upward.

Pink hums warmly at him when he returns. He feels much more energized than he did before. Almost in a better mood too, though that could just be his present company. Cat Steven must pick up on it, because she appears just to burrow into Pink's lap. He strokes behind her ears obligingly, smiling at Steven when he struggles to speak. Maybe Amethyst really is on to something about this whole sleep thing -

"You bubbled the entire temple?!" Steven squeaks, voice high.

Oh, right. He did.

Chapter Text

Pink doesn't dream, but if he did, he thinks it would be like this.

The storm is still rolling angrily through Beach City, but Steven is safe and healthy and here. Reflected pink light bathes the length of the porch as Steven slowly eats his lunch, watching as the wind drags debris across the sand. They're sitting on the end where a railing used to be, dangling their bare feet over the edge. What's left of someone's umbrella batters against the bubble ineffectively, but the sound doesn't reach them. Nothing does.

Safe. His Steven is safe.

They stay there after he's done eating, Steven staring at the storm and Pink staring at him. It's a moment Pink knows he'll remember forever, if only because it's the first time he feels he hasn't failed to protect Steven, the first time Steven isn't trying to leave, the first time in a long time that Pink doesn't stop to think about who he is or what. Just being here with Steven is enough in its simplicity.

And it's one of the many times that he's sure of the one unflinching truth he has - he loves Steven.

He'd compared him to the sun once, but he's really more like the entire universe. Existing is pointless without him, impossible.

The thought makes Pink's eyes feel strange, like they yearned for tears again. Tears for all the promises he wants to make his human, and tears for all the apologies when he would undoubtedly fail him.

But now, right now, Steven looks peaceful. It's a fleeting thing that Pink can't hope to hold on to, so he grabs his hand instead. An instinctive and reflexive movement by now that Steven doesn't object to. They sit together until the already dark sky gets darker and they can't see the waves on the shore anymore. Pink doesn't mourn the loss, given how better of a view Steven is.

'I wish I could keep you here.' Pink thinks, and then looks away in shame. He can feel his jaw clenching with effort not to look back, but he fails like usual, surprised to see Steven looking too. It makes him smile like always, delight relaxing his face into something softer. More human, maybe.

Strangely, Steven flinches.

"God, Pink, just - just stop looking at me like that all the time."

Pink blinks in confusion. "Like what?"

"Like I haven't been awful to you!" Steven snaps, and the sound is so loud in the unnatural silence that it shocks the gem for a moment. It's been so long since his human had spoken to him with such unhappiness, and the memory isn't pleasant. (I hate you)

He looks down at their joined hands in bewilderment, feeling even more lost when Steven grips him tighter. That sharp tone usually means that Steven needs space, and the gem would be more baffled by his continued prescence if he weren't so distracted.

Awful? Steven? Those words make no sense together.

"You are not awful." Pink mutters, offended at the mere thought. His eyebrows scrunch at the pain on his human's face, looking for injuries that aren't there. He's learned by now that not all pain is physical, but he has no way of healing that kind. It's why he lets Steven leave so easily now, lets him have his space and takes his biting words dutifully. He wants Steven to be more than healthy, because what's the point if he isn't happy too?

Pink tries to wipe away the stress lines appearing on Steven's forehead, frowning when it only seems to make it worse. He's sure his own expression mimics Steven's now with the exception of their eyes. Steven's are just so dark, so hurt. Is it the bubble maybe? He'd promised Steven not to bubble him anymore, but this doesn't really count, does it? The storm still looks so big, so dangerous.

Dangerous storm or unhappy Steven? Pink makes a noise of frustration, feeling lost again.

This is just more proof that Pearl is wrong. The old Rose and Pink are long dead, leaving behind this defective diamond in their place. He wouldn't know the first thing about being a mother.

He drops his hand from Steven's face, gripping the wooden planks beneath them much too hard. The little crack it makes doesn't leave the porch any worse for wear, but it still makes Pink feel a little guilty. It churns with the rest of his guilt unpleasantly, making him unsure of what he's even apologizing for when he does.

"I'm sorry, Steven." He says, selfishly glad that his human still has his other hand. It always feels so warm. He'd taken it for granted when they were fused, and though he doesn't feel cold with Steven around, it almost seems like he should by comparison.

Steven scoffs a little, but the sound is pained. "Pink, no, I'm - I'm trying to apologize to you. You don't have anything to be sorry about."

Pink is lost again, and the forgotten offense rises up at Steven's words. Steven is the one that has nothing to apologize for, not him. He stares at his pale human reflection silently, trying to harness his frustration into tangible thoughts. But speaking had never quite been his thing, and Steven gets there first.

"The gems say that you just - just sit here when I leave, waiting for me to get back. I thought - well, I'd hoped that we could have our own separate lives after we'd unfused. I didn't mean for them to keep you bubbled forever, Pink, I really didn't.  But after...after everything, they were worried, and I-"

"You can't see me without thinking about Jasper." Pink finishes, and Steven jolts, looking down at him with surprise. Pink glows a bit under his scrutiny, looking away momentarily to keep the pain off his face. It's almost like bubbling, using his favorite power (the others haven't been of much use lately) to lock something away. A storm of his own maybe - a flurry of hurt and chaos that could turn dangerous if he doesn't keep it caged. It doesn't make it invisible though, at least not to him. He's still left staring at it, wondering if it would ever really go away on it's own.

"Pink, I didn't really mean that." Steven says, and he swallows when the gem glances at him doubtfully. "I mean, okay, I did at the time, but -"

He puffs out a breath, shaking his head. "This is confusing. I just mean that I don't blame you for that anymore."

And Pink barely has the strange feel of dreadful hope before Steven adds, "Accidents happen, and it's not like you're the first gem to shatter someone."

Pink nods reflexively, though a small part of him wonders, looking at Steven's wet eyes, if he has a storm he's keeping bubbled inside too. He throws the traitorous thought into the back of his mind, along with the rest of the things he doesn't want to deal with. It has no place here, not with Steven looking at him so earnestly and his hand still in his.

"I love you." Pink blurts, the truth making it's long desired escape while he dealt with the lies. He expects Steven to recoil, to throw Pink into his own unwanted storm and never look at him again. But his eyes only widen before he looks away, his mouth twisting almost ruefully. It settles into a small smile, and he looks back at Pink with a sigh. "I know you do, buddy."

He sits up slowly, tugging an all too willing Pink along with him. "Come on, let's go inside. You...you wanna watch a movie or something?"

"Anything you want, my Steven." He breathes, and he's glowing so brightly now that Steven shields his eyes with his free hand, laughing a little.

And though knows he never dreams, if he did - if he did, he knows it would be just like this.

---

Steven tasks Pink with picking the movie while he goes to the bathroom, and it's oddly jarring. He's never picked anything before, not really. Steven is usually the decision maker, and he hasn't been interested in Pink's opinion on them up until now. It's a heavy weight of expectation, and Pink's honestly not sure what he would prefer. He has no interests outside of Steven, so what do his decisions even matter? He's still floating on the happiness of Steven wanting to spend time with him though, and doesn't want to disappoint him.

Cat Steven slinks over, seeking attention, and he grabs her in his arms quickly.  He can hear the sound of Steven washing his hands, so they only have seconds left.

"Pick." He demands, holding her up so she could see the full stack properly. Greg had brought over quite the collection when Steven was sick, and there's a lot of movies unfamiliar to Pink. What does Steven even like now? The cat's furry face splits on a yawn, and the end of her paw brushes the edge of a bright cover. Good enough.

Pink releases the rumbling feline with a quiet thank you just as Steven comes out. Pink beams at him, and Steven gives him a small smile as he takes the movie from his hand.

"Dogcopter, huh? It's been awhile since I saw the first one. Do you remember it?"

Pink shakes his head, looking over the robotic dog with little interest. He doesn't think he'll remember much of it this time either, not with Steven letting him burrow into his side when he gets it set up. It seems a little loud, and most of the scenes are filled with danger, as if humans have a fascination with it. And do all dogs shoot weapons from such an odd place? Maybe he really is a cat person after all.

Steven huffs a laugh at his perplexed expression, and Pink feels his frown melt at the sound. He clings a little tighter to Steven's arm, still expecting him to leave at some point. His kindness is something he'd craved since he'd reformed, but nothing with humans is infinite. Pink shuts that thought process down quickly, feeling disturbed as a movie human meets its grisly end on screen.

"Yeah, it's not for everybody, I guess. Connie and I used to watch it all the time, though."

Pink can feel the jealousy he'd long tried to banish flare up at the name, though he nods amicably. He still throws a look of irked betrayal towards the cat next to them, who only tilts her head in response. The floaty feeling is still there, will probably always be there as long as Steven is around, but it doesn't feel as good as before. Maybe gem emotions aren't infinite either.

He thinks vaguely of Blue as he plays with Steven's fingers, wondering if she really had banished her sadness so surely. From what he can remember of her, she'd never been one to bubble her storms. They'd always raged on the surface, wiping away others in her path like they were just umbrellas on a beach. But that's never going to be an option for him, and he accepts it as a fact like any other. Emotions are dangerous for Pink, make him dangerous to Steven, which is unforgivable. Steven is being nice to him now, and despite how little time it's been, he doesn't know if he can go back to how things were before.

He snuggles further into Steven's side, pushing the discontent out to the storm where it needs to be. Steven's warmth helps, and Cat Steven complains until he pets her fur. Such fragile organics - just soft flesh over delicate bones, really.

Pink's never felt so much like a diamond in his life, but maybe that doesn't have to be a bad thing. He'll bubble away the worst parts of himself until only the good remains, and maybe if he does it enough, he wouldn't hurt anyone ever again.

If only.

Chapter Text

The next morning finds Steven frowning pensively at his phone. It had been largely silent for awhile, though he only seemed to notice it recently. Pink feels strange about that - not quite bothered and not quite appreciative. Somewhere in between maybe. Emotions are difficult things to label.

He doesn't like Steven being upset, but likes that he's been too distracted to give it much thought until now.

Things seem different between them, if only a little. Whatever distaste he has for his gem is fading a bit, and Pink basks uneasily in the reprieve.

They're at the counter as Steven picks through his breakfast, and Pink is pressed closely against his side. He feels starved almost, but it's nothing nauseating human food can soothe. The storm had largely faded during the night, and he's dreading Steven leaving or going back to cringing around him like before. He wants to soak up as much contact as he can before either comes to pass.

"I don't know, it's weird." Steven muses again, setting the device down to spear the last of his food with a fork. "Nobody's texted me in awhile. Not even Pearl, and she sends me like, a novel every night. Maybe the storm cut the service out or something."

He chews his food almost robotically, looking a bit ill. "God, I hope they're okay. They know I'm worried about them."

Pink hums in response, though he doesn't know who in particular Steven's concerned about. Everyone, knowing him. Pink's well acquainted with the feeling of worry at least. It's one of the few things he doesn't struggle to empathize with. He takes Steven's plate to the sink when he's done, but doesn't spare the time to wash it yet. He hugs Steven from behind, hesitantly at first, and then melting fully against his warmth when Steven doesn't flinch away.

"I'm sure they're fine." He mumbles into his shoulder, nuzzling when he heaves a sigh. It's an odd thing to say given that he doesn't really know, but it's what he likes to hear when Steven's gone. Not quite the truth and not quite a lie. Does anything ever fit into one category? Steven flicks through his phone again, his other hand resting on the arms wrapped around him. The brief contact tingles as always, making happiness flutter in his stomach.

"I love you." Pink says. That does fall under one category. The only category that matters to Pink at all.

"I know you do." Steven responds lightly, and the small interaction feels like reflex by now. He doesn't expect Steven to say or even feel the same, and doesn't pine for it as much as he thought he would. The acknowledgement is nice, settling into him like a missing puzzle piece. All of his missing pieces are Steven, of course - he's glad to have any returned at all.

Eventually Steven stands, chuckling a little when he has to peel Pink off. He lets him go easily enough, smiling at the airy sound. He can still feel the silly grin on his face when Steven goes to take his shower. For once, Pink doesn't stand in directionless impatience. His good mood carries him to the sink to clean the dishes Steven had used. He tries to put them up neatly when they're dry, anticipating Pearl's nagging whenever she returns.

Afterwards, he goes to the cabinet to get Cat Steven's food. It looks about as appealing as human food does, but she comes eagerly when he rattles her bowl. He tracks the sounds of Steven finishing up, scratching behind her ears as he eats. The attention to her favored spot invokes purring so strong that chewing seems difficult. He huffs an amused breath at her annoyed bafflement.

"Looks like Amethyst was wrong." Steven is back at the counter, freshly cleaned and still damp from the shower. He's giving them a strangely bemused smile, but one that tugs on Pink's nonexistent heart regardless. "You're definitely a cat person."

Pink gives her a parting pat before going to his human. He smells like the body wash Pearl had gotten awhile ago, some sort of plant blend. Pink doesn't have much memory or interest regarding smells, but he thinks this might be his favorite. It mixes with the scent of Steven's skin in such a pleasing way. He leans in to get his fill of it, but it seems like an impossible task. He'll never be satisfied parting from Steven no matter how long he's around him. Maybe it's because they've been unfused for so long, but he thinks he'd feel the same even if they were whole again.

"I am a Steven person." Pink murmurs. Steven sags a little, a hand coming to pat his shoulder. Pink is reluctant to return the hoodie - it feels more like a treasure hard won instead of tiredly taken in the night - but he almost wants to shed it. It's hard to feel Steven's hands through it.

"It's okay to like more than one thing, you know." Steven says eventually. "That doesn't mean you like me any less."

If he's expecting a response, he doesn't get one. Pink feels his sigh, and nuzzles further into his neck. Steven makes a sound when he gives into curiosity to see if his skin tastes as good as it smells. Not quite pained, but Pink still pulls back to check. Steven is blushing again, little bursts of pink pooling beneath his skin. He gives the gem a somewhat exasperated look as he rubs the spot with his hand.

"Geez, I told you not to lick me. It's - I'm ticklish."

Pink returns his gaze, trying to look contrite as he scanned his memories. He's sure he looks more confused, though. The sound didn't match the one Steven had made the other night, and besides -

"I thought you said your feet were ticklish."

"I'm ticklish in different places, okay?!"

Pink tilts his head, examining Steven's form.  He hums curiously as he licks the last bit of Steven from his lips. "Where?"

Steven turns an alarming shade of red, spluttering as he leaves the kitchen. Pink gives a questioning look to Cat Steven before following, but she doesn't have any answers either.

Maybe he'd find out another day.

By the time lunch rolls around, the storm has died completely. Pink's almost sad to see it go.

A terrible, selfish part of him (nearly all of him, rather) likes having Steven all to himself. Protected and safe from anything that could harm him. He still hasn't taken the bubble down, but he knows he's running on borrowed time now.

Steven is already shuffling around the house, pulling his shoes on and checking his phone for the fifteenth time. The awful news station hadn't worked on the TV either, apparently confirming Steven's suspicion that the storm had damaged something. Pink watches his movements a bit solemnly from the couch. Pouting, Steven had called it, and he's been around the gems long enough now to know its meaning. Pearl occassionally says it to Amethyst. It always causes an argument that makes Steven roll his eyes and Garnet sigh.

The soft clink of Steven's keys makes Pink 'pout' more, if that is indeed what he's doing. The metallic sound always signals Steven's departure, demanding Pink's attention with a sick, dropping feeling. He knows that he won't be staying on the couch at least. It feels so empty without Steven now. It makes him think of cuddling and the background noise of movies that Pink can't hope to pay attention to. Maybe he'll go up to Steven's room, but that seems a bit ambitious given how quickly his mood is souring.

"Pink?" Steven says. He's standing by the door, grasping the handle with one hand and fiddling with his keys with the other.  He looks hesitant, not seeming to want to look at him again. It makes him deflate a little. He reminds himself again that humans aren't infinite creatures. He's happy that they spent time together at all, even if things do go back to the way they were.

"Do you...wanna go? I just wanna check on Dad and Beach City real quick."

Pink stills, wondering if he'd misheard. Cat Steven growls a little at the sudden clench in her fur, but he hardly notices. He glances at the warp pad, wondering if he hadn't heard the gems return and Steven was addressing them instead. Pink is bad about zoning out like that, but it's usually when Steven isn't here. His incomplete mind seems set on ignoring unimportant stimulation. But this - Steven asking however hesitantly for his prescence when he so usually scorned it - he can't imagine anything more important than that.

He feels a little guilty as he nods, dashing to Steven so fast the room blurs. Cat Steven screeches, having dug her claws into him in surprise. He helps her onto his shoulder distractedly, gazing up at Steven in silent reverence. Maybe he should have said no, if only to avoid seeing that defeated half smile on his face. Steven offering doesn't mean he really wants it. It's like Amethyst begrudgingly offering the last pizza slice before devouring it herself. He's just being nice.

But Pink has always known that Steven is the kinder half, the better half. The guilt doesn't outweigh the joy when he follows his Steven into the cool, post storm air. Steven links their pinkies on the way down the stairs, and Pink thinks he could float them both down if he needed to. It's almost a necessity with how many steps are missing, and Steven grumbles a bit, but doesn't let go.

The gem's torn between watching Steven's face and their intertwined fingers. He's looking at the latter, admiring how they fit together almost perfectly, so he misses when Steven stops. Pink thuds into his back, blinking before sidestepping to peer at his face. He follows his surprised gaze to the bubble's edge, where a small group of humans and gems alike stand behind it. They're tinted pink through the light, and he scrunches his nose in distaste. It feels weird to see his color on anyone but Steven. He doesn't like it.

Pearl is at the front, saying something that neither of them can hear but can guess at regardless.

Steven gives Pink an urgent look. "Pink, take it down!"

Steven releases his hand to go to the barrier, speaking placatingly to the others like they can hear. Sighing, Pink follows a bit slower, only dissolving it when he recaptures Steven's fingers. Pearl comes forward instantly, frantic eyes roving over Steven in worry.

"Steven, what happened?! We all tried calling you! We couldn't even get the warp to work!"

"What -" Steven starts, nearly tumbling over from the force of her approach. Pink stabilizes him silently, which is right about when his phone starts pinging madly. Steven fishes it from his pocket, watching in dismay as dozens of messages covered the screen. "I thought the storm messed up my service."

Garnet and Amethyst come next, greeting Steven in more composed matters. Cat Steven mews happily at the sight of the Crystal Gems' leader, but doesn't leave her Pink-turned-perch.

He's almost relieved, scratching her with his other hand as more people converge. It's quickly evident that the bubble had caused most of the trouble, but Pink is unapologetic. It isn't like he knew it would happen, but he would have done it anyway. That storm was dangerous for Steven. What other explanation is necessary?

Greg and Pearl are sagging with relief, taking turns to assess Steven for the thankfully absent sickness. Pink vaguely registers Peridot trying to be heard somewhere. There's even the tiny Onion child in the midst, though he seems more attracted to the chaos than anything else. Amethyst is laughing about something, sprawled on the litter strewn sand and holding her stomach.

It all fades into a familiar white noise as Pink stands in silence, perking up only when Steven speaks. He doesn't think there's any voice that can catch his attention like that, which is of course when he's proven wrong.

"Steven!"

Pink's eyes widen a fraction as another form pulls his Steven into a desperate hug. They're a mess of tangled limbs and dark hair before the girl pulls back, wiping tiny tears from her eyes. Steven looks at her with relief too, a smile spreading across his face that makes Pink ache.

Cat Steven chooses wisely to flee from his shoulder, probably wary of her fur being yanked again. His free hand curls into nothing as they embrace a second time. Steven still has his other hand, or rather he has his, and he can see Steven flinch a bit when he squeezes too hard. He releases him immediately, and two sets of human gazes are drawn by the motion.

For the first time since he'd reformed, since he'd first existed on his own, his attention isn't drawn to Steven's first.

"Oh, hello!" The girl says breathlessly. She looks a little sheepish, looking back between him and Steven quickly. "You must be Pink, right? I don't know if you remember me, but I'm Connie!"

Chapter Text

Pink has been trying to avoid the past lately. The parts he remembers are just too complicated to juggle with the present. They don't fit together the way they used to. And that's not even including the future, which he doesn't like entertaining thoughts of at all.

He's not usually successful. The past slips through no matter how hard he tries to bubble it, bringing forth bad memories and traitorous desires to fuse again. To go back to the way things were even if Steven was unhappy, which is a thought he can't make sense no matter how hard he tries. How could he ever want Steven to be unhappy? He doesn't, he knows he doesn't, but the thought remains. Another terrible thing that slips through cracks Pink can't seal.

I don't know if you remember me...

Sometimes though, it seems like the nice things are even harder to avoid. He remembers how it felt when they'd laughed the first time, the tiny giggle making their gem glow softly in the confines of their crib. That was the first time Pink had really noticed Steven, or perhaps noticed anything at all. This fragile creature that he shared an existence with woke him up with a burst of joy, and hadn't been able to look away since.

Maybe it should have been strange to him, not being alone. It felt like he should be, or in the very least be making the decisions. Some basic sort of rule that should be obvious and upheld by this life form and all others. It should have been stranger that he didn't have many thoughts of his own until they'd been...separated.

But it felt like life had simply started with Steven, and there was nothing before it. Not so much an empty piece, but a blank slate entirely. Steven painted that empty canvas as time went on. It filled with different things, people, likes and dislikes, so many and so much. It was overwhelming in a good way, and Pink learned to treasure the important parts.  The ones that made them happy, made Steven happy. Those are the things Pink can't keep out now, no matter how hard he wants to.

...but I'm Connie.

Pink remembers when Steven met Connie. He remembers a lot of times with her after too, though they get a bit fuzzier as time goes on.

A lot of things do.

Steven had gotten more unhappy the older he got, more discontented with himself, and Pink remembers being uncomfortable by that. It wasn't something they could reconcile on, and for the first time, their fusion started to waver on its own.

Steven never noticed, not even when his skin stained pink and he shattered - but maybe he didn't even notice Pink then. He'd never given him much thought after they fused back. It was convenient maybe, thinking that Pink didn't exist. Until it was convenient for him to again, but Pink doesn't like thinking about that either.

Connie tilts her head at his continued silence, waiting for an answer that doesn't come.

'I remember you.' He thinks.

Yes, he remembers her just fine. That isn't the issue. He remembers the love, the adoration that Steven felt for her and probably still does. He just can't summon any of those feelings for himself.

'I just wish I didn't.'

Maybe it's another thing his human had taken when they'd split. He can't say he misses it, but he probably should. He remembers calling Pearl selfish when it came to Steven, then feeling the same way when he regarded his jealousy. Emotions are sometimes difficult to identify, but he has no trouble with that one.

She smiles again, oblivious, and holds out a hand towards him. He has no idea what to do with the motion, but Amethyst grabs his wrist and puts his hand in hers. Connie smiles again, shaking them in some weird human greeting.

Steven watches warily, eyes on Pink. There's a warning there, or maybe a plea, that he nearly disregards. But Pink can't be selfish right now. Or at least he doesn't want to be. Not when it comes Steven. His Steven. Mine.

He pulls his hand away before the greeting is finished, surprising Connie enough that she blinks in bemusement. Amethyst slings an arm around his shoulder easily. "Sorry, Connie, Pink's just a little shy. Right, guys?"

Pearl doesn't look like that's the word she'd use, but Garnet only hums. "Yes. Pink is...shy. I'm sure he'll come out of his shell soon."

Amethyst chuckles before wrapping Steven into a quick hug too. Pink observes quietly, feeling a bit confused. There's no jealousy at that show of affection. He hadn't felt any when Pearl had grabbed him either, or Greg. Even Garnet's hand placed affectionately atop Steven's head brings nothing but mild annoyance that she'd flattened his curls.

He barely has any time to hope that he'd managed to bubble the anomaly away when Connie grabs Steven's hand again. He frowns, trying to examine the emotion further. He'd assumed it was because Steven leaves so often to go see her. His human's absences don't warm him to anything, let alone the person causing them.

But Steven is here now, another smile lighting up his own face. The feeling shouldn't be present when Steven is, should it? But Pink can feel it just as easily as he did before, if not stronger when Connie pecks his cheek.

He'd thought it before and meant it - it doesn't make any sense for him to dislike Connie.

So, why does he?

---

They group of mismatched humans and gems split up soon after, some to clean the beach and the others to assist Beach City. Steven goes with the latter, so naturally Pink follows, ignoring the eyes he can feel on him.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Steven?" Pearl asks, frowning a bit. "There's enough of a mess in the city as it is. Not to mention how many people will be there."

Connie looks at Pink thoughtfully too, and he does his best not to bristle. "We can stay and clean the beach if that'll be easier. You know how much Lion loves the sand."

The lion in question is lounging a few feet behind them, yawning widely as he rolls onto his back. His eyes track Cat Steven as she chases a plastic bag, and Pink gives him a suspicious look before turning back to Steven.

The hesitation on his face doesn't surprise him, but he's surprised that it hurts a little. Pink has been good lately. He's still trying to be.

"You said that I could go." He says in a voice that's much more pleading than he'd been aiming for.

And he expects Steven to resist anyway, because they both know by now that there's little that Pink can refuse him when he asks. But he only gives a small, rueful sigh.  "Okay, yeah, you're right. But try to behave. Don't wander off or -"

His words die out as he seemingly realizes how unnecessary that particular concern is. Pink gives Steven's hand a greedy look that makes his human flush. He's quick to grab Connie's again, giving her and Pearl an apologetic shrug.

"I think he'll be fine. We're just gonna check and see if anyone needs anything anyway. I meant to check sooner, but -"

"No one blames you for that Steven." Pearl responds, but her tone is rigid enough that Pink knows who she does blame before she adds "It looks like you couldn't have left even if you wanted to."

"Give it a rest, Pearl." Amethyst says, earning a cross look. "It's not like he was a prisoner in there. Pink woulda let him out if he asked, and you act like a giant storm wasn't tearing up the city."

Garnet intervenes when Pearl stiffens, already seeming wary the upcoming argument. She rests a hand on Steven's head again, sunlight reflecting off her glasses as she looks down at him. "We're just glad you're safe, Steven. Thank you for looking out for him."

It's only Steven's gaze flicking to him that makes him realize Garnet had been speaking to him, but he doesn't have a reply regardless. He hardly needs gratitude for protecting Steven. That's like thanking him for existing, which he doubts anyone would be inclined to do.

He can still feel a few eyes on him as he follows Steven to his car, but they're even easier to ignore than before. Honestly, it's hard to focus on anything but the way the two humans' hands are intertwined, swinging lightly as they walk together.

"Don't look so murder-y, dude." Amethyst whispers. She cringes a little when Pink looks at her, seeming to regret her choice of words. "I mean, not like - whatever, just stop looking like at her like that. You're gonna have to share Steven. He can have other friends and still have room for you, ya know."

She's gone as quickly as she arrived, flashing Steven a peace sign when he looks back at them curiously. Pink doesn't watch her go, but he can feel the strange flare of jealousy stirring at her words. Friend? Is that what Steven is to him? It seems insufficient somehow, but he knows that 'other half' isn't a term that his human appreciates.

"So, it's nice to meet you officially, Pink." Connie says, giving him another sheepish smile. She seems a little nervous, and Pink tries not to be satisfied by that. "I know we met once before, but we didn't really have a chance to talk."

She chuckles like it's a joke, and Pink doesn't respond. The memory makes him tense though, the jolting wrongness of being pulled into existence alone while his counterpart deteriorated in front of his eyes. Her smile fades, and she clears her throat awkwardly. He pretends not to see Steven glaring at him.

"Sorry, I shouldn't bring that up. Steven says you've been having a hard time."

And her voice is so earnest that it makes Pink feel sick. A little betrayed too that Steven had spoken to her about him at all. He ponders if he'd prefer if he hadn't mentioned him, and finds the idea almost as unappealing. His frown deepens. Emotions are absolutely nonsensical. He'd wish them all away if it weren't for the warmth he feels around his Steven.

He can't feel much of that warmth now, not with Steven opening the passenger door and Connie looking at Pink hesitantly. "Do you want to sit with Steven? I can sit in the back if you want."

"Connie, no, it's fine - Pink!"

Pink looks at Steven innocently from the passenger seat, kicking his feet a bit and relieved to find that he hardly has to stretch to touch the floor. He doesn't seem to be shrinking anymore, though Steven doesn't seem to be as relieved as he is. He gives him another sour look before turning back to Connie.

"Sorry, he's not usually like that - well, okay, he is, but -"

Connie just laughs a little, grabbing his hand again. 

"It's okay, Steven. Amethyst told me he takes awhile to warm up to people, and I'm sure having so many people around is an adjustment."

Another nervous smile towards Pink's direction, her voice pitching lower as if gems couldn't decipher whispers. "My parents would probably freak if they knew anyway."

Steven doesn't look pleased at that, but the conversation moves on quickly. Pink rests his head on his arms as he leans out the window, watching in silence as they continue speaking. He can feel himself glowing whenever Steven smiles, which isn't as much as he should be doing with Connie around.

What's the point of her being here if she can't even make him happy like she's supposed to? He looks away, toying with a loose thread on his - Steven's - hoodie sleeve.

And Amethyst is talking about him too? To Connie? Why? His gaze cuts to the small gem herself, who seems to be arguing with Pearl about how the trash should be organized. She does a motion with her hand, like a talking mouth almost, and Pearl seems to grow more agitated. Garnet doesn't seem inclined to intervene again yet. One of her gems shimmer as she strokes Cat Steven's fur.

Another figure catches his gaze as it approaches, and Pink narrows his eyes as Peridot bounds forward eagerly. Her approach startles Lion enough that he growls at her in reprimand.

"Gyah, sorry!" She says, tiny arms rising instinctively to protect herself. Lion blinks before yawning, eyes closing in bliss as Connie strokes his mane soothingly. When they open, they flick to Pink, looking as entirely unimpressed by the gem as he is by him. Pink frowns in distaste as he stands easily at Connie's command. At least Cat Steven is loyal for the most part.

Connie gets on Lion's back, giving a little wave to Pink that isn't returned. Her face flushes before Lion carries her away, and Steven throws him another look of unhappiness when he's done watching her go.

Peridot doesn't seem to notice, bouncing in place a bit as she looks between Pink and Steven.

"Steven, you don't mind if I get a ride with you in your vehicular transport, do you? Please?"

She even clasps her hands together, eyes growing larger as she stares up at him imploringly. Steven chuckles a little, but it's tense as he walks over to the driver door. "Sure, Peridot. I don't mind. By the way, this is Pink -"

"Diamond." She breathes, already in the backseat and leaning forward to stare at him unabashedly. "I've never had the opportunity to run tests on one before, you know. My rank was high given my skills, of course, but I'm sure you can imagine the answer that request would have received from Yellow. I could have done it when you two were fused, but I didn't have the supplies at the time. Not to mention we had other diamonds to worry about and a hybrid would have skewed the results-"

"No one's running any tests." Steven says tersely, frowning at Peridot until she shrinks back against the seat. She pouts a bit, dragging on her seatbelt. Pink wonders if he'd looked that pathetic earlier. He really hopes not, but loses the will to care when Steven looks over at him briefly.

"Don't smile at me like that. You said you'd try to be good. That means not being rude to people for no reason."

"I didn't even say anything to her." Pink protests quietly, and it earns a huff of indignation.

"That's - that's not what I mean, and you know it. You can't just ignore people like that."

They fall into an uneasy silence as Steven starts driving. Peridot eventually leans forward again, seeming antsy in the quiet. She's still restrained by her odd human safety precaution, and it seems ridiculous that she's wearing it at all. A lot of things about Peridot seem to be though, and he tries not look as annoyed as he feels when she speaks again.

"So, Pink, I noticed that you're wearing a Crying Breakfast Friends sweater. It's a slightly above average earth show, if not a little nonsensical, but you haven't experienced this planet's capability for dramatic media until you've seen Camp Pining Hearts! If Steven hasn't introduced you to it yet, maybe I can come over and watch it with you. I don't want to brag, but I'm quite knowledgable about it."

Pink doesn't even know how to respond to that, but he can't help his own frown at the unpleasant thought. He remembers how much trouble, if not outright danger, this gem caused Steven. She had other diamonds to worry about? What about all times Steven had to worry about her?

No, he doesn't like her being around at all, and that's not even considering how off putting he finds her voice. Though, he supposes no voice could ever sound as calming as -

"Pink, what did I just say?" Steven says, and his voice doesn't sound very calm, but it's still nice to hear. The disappointment lacing his tone isn't though, and Pink feels a stab of genuine regret. He doesn't like displeasing him, but it isn't as easy as he makes it sound.

How can he explain that he hardly notices anything besides Steven? That should be obvious at this point, shouldn't it? And maybe more to the point he's pressing, how can he say that Steven is the only thing he wants to notice? The world may have been accessible, even desirable, when they were fused, but he isn't sure how much of that was him and how much of it was Steven. Whoever it was, it isn't Pink now.

But Steven is giving him expectant looks in between looking at the road, and Pink knows he has to say something. They'd been getting along so well before, and he doesn't want to let that go.

"I just...don't like talking to people." Pink eventually settles on, tugging at his fingers. Steven gives him another glance that tells him he isn't convinced.

"Come on, you talk to me all the time-"

And maybe something in his own words are displeasing him now, because he stops speaking before Pink knows he's finished. He gives him a curious look, but Steven has gone back to looking at the road, his mouth set into another unhappy line.

He catches Pink's gaze briefly before sighing, giving him one of his hands. Pink's grabs it reflexively, running his fingers across the top. It always earns a shiver no matter where he touches, and it's another thing that never gets old. He doesn't think any part of him will.

According to Steven, maybe that's the problem.

---

Being back in Beach City is odd. Nostalgic, but...not. It's like the colors had bled out of everything, the feelings they'd once inspired long gone with them. He recognizes a few places, but it's like looking at them with new eyes. Ones that are incapable of seeing what Pink knows they are, or at least used to be.

He tries to find some hint of fondness for what they'd enjoyed in the past, if only to please Steven. He's pointing out stuff to Pink like he's trying to inspire something, but there's nothing. As much as Pink loves Steven's voice, he almost wishes he'd zone out just to avoid the strangeness of it all.

It's eerily like Rose's room in a way - he's glancing at things that seem to be real, but they unravel if Pink stares too long. Some piece not fitting right again, and it's clear by now that piece is him.

Steven seems to be unaffected, and Pink is glad for it. People greet him warmly, and the tension leaves his shoulders with each genuine hug he receives. It almost feels like something Pink shouldn't be witnessing. Is this how it's like whenever Steven leaves? He seems relaxed, and Pink's almost afraid to breathe in case he ruins that fragile peace.

Did Pink ever really fit into Steven's picture? Maybe he'd been small enough to go unnoticed, just a quiet source of power and love in the back of Steven's mind like he was supposed to be. He looks down at himself, wondering if he'd even fit anymore if they did fuse. It doesn't seem like Steven would be able to forget about him like he used to, and it seems to be confirmed when Pink looks up to see Steven's gaze on him.

Another strange mix of emotions comes from Steven's smile, causing Pink's own to falter a bit. He wants things to be like they used to be, and when, if Steven ever agrees, he'll do it without hesitation. But the thought of Steven noticing him feels...nice. It's probably selfish somehow, but Pink's not very good at being good.

Steven grabs his hand after a brief hesitation, looking at him with worry. "Hey, if this is too much for you, I can take you back."

That Steven probably wouldn't stay is implied, and Pink shakes his head quickly. "I can - I want to stay, my Steven."

'With you' goes unsaid, but he seems to understand. He doubts it would be hard for anyone to grasp that, let alone Steven. Pink isn't that complicated in terms of his desires.

He looks at his human, and sees the color that should be in the rest of the world surrounding him like the glow of a sun. It's in the warmth of his eyes, and the shadows of his curls. Pink feels a familiar and entirely right sense of protectiveness, of love. It makes Pink want to stare at him forever in the hopes of keeping just a shred of him.

'Just a little bit of you.' Pink thinks, Amethyst's words rising in his mind as Connie waves them over. 'That's all I need.'

The desire to keep all of him is still there, but Pink is wary of it. It feels sharper than love, less accepting of what Steven wants. Pink feels it churn when Steven waves back at her, tugging Pink along. The feeling seems unable to bubbled easily, almost like jealousy again. It must be doing something to his face that Steven doesn't trust. He slows their approach a little, pitching his voice lower. It's an odd mix of pleading and unyielding, another request and demand mixed into one.

"Pink, I need you to be nice to her, okay? You know how important she is to me. Please don't - don't make this a problem."

And Pink doesn't want to make any more problems for Steven, he truly doesn't. The mere thought makes him squirm in shame, knowing that he's failing his human again. But that unease doesn't reach the bad feelings, and he watches in detachment as Steven releases him to go to the one he prefers, loves, more.

"So, it looks like the boardwalk got hit pretty bad." Connie says. "Do you wanna go help out there? Kiki said that they could use some extra hands."

"Maybe she'll reward us with pizza?" Peridot says eagerly, and Pink jolts a little in surprise. It's not that he'd forgotten she'd been tailing them ever since they'd gotten out of the car, but she'd been quiet long enough that he'd hoped she'd left. "Lapis and Pumpkin love when they add pineapples. A bit of a strange mix if you ask me, but who am I to judge earth cuisine?"

"I don't think they're serving pizza right now." Connie says gently, and Peridot groans. Steven seems unwilling to add to the conversation anymore, and Pink wonders what had upset him this time. His fingers twitch with the urge to grab Steven's in comfort, but he tries to ignore it. There's not enough room for the gesture with Connie around, and he tries to ignore that too.

It's not easy though, and he has a sinking suspicion that's going to be a problem.

---

The human known as Kofi is in a volatile mood when they arrive. It doesn't seem to be an unusual occurence, and his daughters seem unthreatened even when he stomps his foot on a splintered piece of the boardwalk. One of them rolls their eyes when he gestures angrily towards his ravaged shop, his yell torn between despair and fury. "Look at this mess! Tourist season is just around the corner! What are we supposed to do?! Maybe next time, you can shield more than your own house!"

Pink stiffens in offense at that, but Steven is just as good at establishing peace as he's always been. It's not long before Pink's begrudgingly helping these humans clean up their area. There's a few gems in the mix too, but they give Pink a wide berth. He's unbothered by it, but Steven isn't. He seems to make a point of involving Pink more, giving him encouragements for something as trivial as collecting junk. It makes Pink glow in delight, even if it is confusing.

Does he honestly care how they treat Pink? He's always known that he loves Steven more than Steven loves him, and really doesn't think Steven loves him very much at all. Pink is a means to an end for Steven to be healthy, and he's long accepted that as a fact. The payoff of Steven continuing to exist warrants any price, but Steven has been so kind lately. Pink can't deny that he likes the change, but it seems like Steven warming to him is only causing more problems. Steven frowns when another gem flinches away from Pink, and he can feel his own face mirror the expression.

Pink picks up another piece of trash silently, wondering if he'd ever be more than an inconvenience. A short lived gust of wind takes a can he'd been reaching for away, souring his mood even further. Peridot had been getting most of the metal with that admittedly impressive power of hers, but she's busy trying to remove a piece that had gotten stuck in the roof.

He glances at Steven, noting that he seems safe enough for now. Besides, Connie is here, along with that stupid lion of hers. Pink may not be fond of either of them, but they could probably protect him for a few moments. Sighing, Pink trudges after it, kicking a knotted lump of beach grass towards the sea.

Would Steven ever want to train like Connie did? Pink had never given it much thought, given he'd hoped they'd be fused again before he'd have to. He isn't sure if he likes the idea. It seems more dangerous than useful. It isn't like Steven has any shortage of people willing to protect him, as it should be.

The can rolls around the corner of the store that reeks of burnt fry bits - how can Steven actually like those things? - causing Pink to stop.

He doesn't like Steven being out of his sight, but a second glance reveals him to be just as fine as before. Another forbidden, beautiful picture of him existing without Pink. He even laughs a little at something one of the Pizza daughters says. The sound eases something coiling inside of Pink enough that he continues on his path.

The can has gone still from the shelter the shack provides, and Pink is just about to grab it when someone else gets there first.

The metal gives a protesting warble as it's crushed under a heavy boot, and Pink blinks before lifting his gaze.

For a jarring moment, it's like he'd gone back in time. The Jasper looming above him has the same sickening green shade as she did when she'd been corrupted, and it throws Pink long enough that his eyebrows furrow.

"...Jasper?"

But no, now that he's really looking, he sees the green is everywhere, smooth and unmarred by the flaws of corruption. Just another Jasper, then. Probably one of many. She sneers at him with nearly the same energy though, dark eyes holding a fury that makes Pink tense. Steven is just around the corner, but she won't be getting that far if he can help it.

"Not the one you're thinking of, shatterer." She sneers again, spitting at the ground. Pink notices her own gem is just below her shoulder, the stone shifting as she leans down. "Though maybe I'm wrong."

Those eyes spark even in the shade when she gets in his face, and her voice is pure venom when she hisses, "What's one more gem to a diamond?"

Chapter Text

Everyone says Pink's name a little differently. It's as if it takes new meaning depending on who's speaking, and Pink still isn't sure what all those meanings are. Amethyst says it warmly, Garnet like it's a simple fact, and Steven with a reluctance that's thankfully fading as time goes on.

"Well?" The Jasper demands, and her fingers twitch again in a way that reminds him of Pearl. Pearl never says his name at all, but this gem doesn't share that wariness. She wields it like the weapon she hasn't yet formed, her tone sharp and acidic. "Don't you have anything to say for yourself, Pink Diamond?"

It's an accusation and question forced into one, but Pink doesn't reply to either. It makes him think of Steven's earlier annoyance with him, but it's easier to disregard than before. Giving pointless answers to pointless questions doesn't mean much when Steven could be in danger. He takes a quiet step when the Jasper does, blocking her path.

Her face tightens, and she lets out a dark laugh. She seems to know the reason for the motion though, eyes flicking to the flimsy building that Steven is hidden behind. Pink feels a lash of protective irritation, but she only scoffs.

"You know, Steven actually had us going for a bit. Actually had even me believing that things would be different on Earth. What a joke."

Pink frowns at the bite in her tone, the way it curls around Steven's name like another accusation. She looks jagged - a furious, snarling creature that's demanding something that Pink doesn't know. He doesn't think he'd give it to her regardless, especially if it involves Steven, and feels certain of it when she sneers again.

"How long is it until you shatter someone else, huh? Not like the Crystal Gems would do anything about that either. Apparently a few months in a bubble is enough punishment for taking someone's life."

A small squeak of terror catches her attention, and she jerks her head to the side aggressively. Pink glances too, taking note of a few gems further down the boardwalk. He isn't sure what they are - fusions maybe, or some lower types that he can't recall the names of. They don't seem threatening at least, one of them wilting under his attention and another closing its eyes in sheer terror. The Jasper seems to take further offense at this, and turns to snarl something else when one of them manages to speak.

"J-Jazz, don't! Just come back to work!"

The Jasper falters briefly, fists clenching tighter before she flings one out in accusation. "I'm not just gonna roll over and let him get away with this! We've come too far just to go back under Diamond Authority now!"

The gem squeaks again, throwing Pink another terrified glance. "But you'll - what if -"

Pink watches for another moment as the Jasper hisses something back. The tension leaves his form slowly at the resulting argument, but he still throws the Jasper another glance just to be sure. She seems distracted enough though, and he's been away from Steven long enough now.

The fact that there could be more gems like this, angry with Pink and apparently Steven by extension, only make him feel worse for letting him out of his sight at all. The weeks of Steven leaving have made Pink...complacent maybe, but the word doesn't seem to fit right. Maybe he should try to listen more whenever Pearl or Garnet talk - they're much better with words than he is.

Pink turns to leave, but he doesn't get very far. Another dark laugh follows him, along with a hand that clamps down on his shoulder hard. "Don't walk away from me, you little monster. Your human pet can fucking wait. Don't think I don't have shit to sort out with him too -"

Her words in a yell surely loud enough to disturb Steven, and he regards her with annoyed disapproval as she drops to her knees. Her hand is still trapped in his, little hair cracks spreading through her fingers from the force. She's more or less eye level now, and he stares at her evenly, disregarding the smaller gems' terror as they flee.

"Leave him out of this." He says, and her pupils constrict in fear, or maybe in pain. He can see his eyes reflected in hers, that overwhelming pink that only grows brighter with his anger. Her other hand wraps around his own, trying to free herself, and he squeezes tighter, watching idly as a crack reaches her wrist. She bares her teeth in a grimace, but there's no hint of panic in her voice when she finds it again.

"What, are you gonna shatter me too?"

Another accusatory question, like she already knows the answer but is asking anyway. Pink doesn't know, not really. He doesn't think he would. Steven would probably be unhappy about it, and he wants Pink to be good today. Pink's doing such a bad job of it as it is, and that would definitely make it worse.

So, he surprises himself when he says simply, "If I have to."

But then again, maybe it shouldn't be a surprise at all. She clearly doesn't seem to like Steven much, had practically threatened him even. His grip tightens again at the thought, and the Jasper lets out a pained sound.

He can still see himself in her eyes, his expression flat and unyielding as he demands compliance. It makes the only movement on his face catch his attention, and he watches as his own pupils shift in the light. He thinks they're just glowing brighter at first, but the roundness actually seems to be rippling, being pulled apart under the Jasper's widening gaze. They settle easily into something with sharp, harsh edges.

The edges of a diamond.

It's enough to surprise him into letting go, and he blinks rapidly in silent unease, willing his eyes to go back to Steven's own, even if he could never get the color right. The Jasper makes another pained noise as she jerks away, cradling her broken hand to her chest and giving Pink a fresh look of fury. He ignores her, bringing one of his own hands to eyes like he could feel the difference through touch alone.

The air trembles around his fingertips at his anxiety, but his power seems confused. The threat looks neutralized for now, and his shield likely won't come if there's nothing to protect Steven from. He feels for his human clumsily, relieved to feel that familiar warmth darting in their direction.

He comes into view a mere moment later, Connie at his side. The jealousy seems dampened for now, or maybe it's just hard to focus on anything but the way Steven's face drops, looking from the still kneeling gem to Pink with something like betrayal in his eyes. Not much disappointment though, which is somehow worse. Like Steven had never expected much from Pink to start with.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

The last question isn't directed at him, and Pink throws the Jasper another annoyed look that's returned. She still flinches from him though, pulling herself up and away in a move he thinks is meant to be casual. "Fine." She hisses. "I guess that's just what I get for being insubordinate to a diamond."

The glower she's sending in Steven's direction now sets Pink on edge again, and he ignores his protests as he steps in between them. Steven still shakes his head at her, clutching at Pink's arm. "No, it isn't like that. He's -"

Steven hesitates, looking between them in clear indecision. Pink isn't quite so deluded to think that Steven is swayed by affection for him. No, it's more likely that he's trying to find something to say to restore the peace again. Defending him seems to be difficult, but he doesn't want them terrified either. Pink doesn't see the downside to that if it meant Steven would be left alone, but he doesn't say so. He finds it hard to speak at all when Steven finds his eyes again and don't leave.

Shock seems to overtake his unease for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing and his mouth falling open a bit. Pink shrinks back, directing his diamond shaped gaze elsewhere. It lands on one of the gems that had followed Steven, a skittish looking Pearl with a cracked face. She doesn't seem to notice, her eye locked on the Jasper's cradled hand with something like resignation.

"Steven, she's hurt!" Connie says, and Steven frowns as Pink allows her to run past without protest. He tries to follow, but Pink only grabs onto him wordlessly.

The Jasper hisses again when Connie grabs her hand gingerly. She ignores the gem's spluttering protests, turning to them with worry in her eyes. "Do you think this will heal on its own? Maybe Pink can -"

"I don't want anything from him!" She snaps immediately, wrenching from Connie's grasp. She turns to Steven with more anger in his eyes, pointing at Pink with her uninjured hand. "You're letting roam around now? What's the plan, Steven? Just have him live a normal life he didn't take one of ours? And we're all just supposed to deal with it?"

The Jasper spits at the ground again in a motion that Pink's belatedly realizing is an insult. It's more in his direction than Steven's, but he still growls in offense, the air crackling around them with intent.

The other gems seem torn by the display, most looking terrified and a few looking to be almost offended themselves. Pink doesn't spare a thought for who that offense is for, feeling their shield finally settle in his hand with a sort of furied relief. Steven grabs his other hand though, and his human willingly seeking contact is rare enough that he's distracted for a moment.

"Pink, no." Steven snaps, and their short lived weapon disappears instantly like he's still the one controlling it. Pink wiggles his empty fingers with morose irritation, but the weapon doesn't reappear.

"We all talked about this earlier, remember?" Steven's tone drops to a more soothing octave, but the Jasper only glowers further. "Little Homeworld agreed it would be fine if we took it slow. You guys know that I would never do anything to -"

"Well, I didn't agree to shit!" The Jasper says.  "And the others are just going along with it because they're scared."

She holds up her injured hand to the mostly silent gems, her eyes narrowing. "They should be."

A few of them murmur to each other, giving Pink apprehensive glances that soon turn pleading when they shift to Steven. They're right to assume Pink will listen to him - or at least try to - but it doesn't seem to be easing their fear. Peridot alone seems unafraid, standing next to an unimpressed looking Kofi at the edge of the group. The human has his hands on his hips in a fashion that reminds Pink of Pearl again, but Steven speaks before he can voice any protests of his own.

"No one needs to be scared." Steven says to them plaintively, shaking his head again. He looks so earnest that it hurts Pink a little to see. There's actual concern in his eyes, something that Pink couldn't muster for these gems if he tried. Steven is just...good in a way he'll never be. Pink has always known that, but it's a warm thought instead of a damning one. He feels a fresh wave of affection for him that softens the fury from his face like it had never been there at all.

The gems seem aware of Steven's goodness too, gazing at him with fragile hope like he's the only one they can trust it with. Pink can relate to the feeling, and he leans into his side briefly. He doesn't expect it to last given how uncomfortable Steven gets with Pink's affection - especially around others - but he holds onto him before he can pull away. Pink melts into the unexpected touch with a sigh, his anger draining so fast it almost leaves him dizzy. That floaty feeling again, and he clings to it, clings to Steven as he continues speaking.

"I can keep him under control. No one is getting shattered."

"Well, someone already did!" The Jasper snaps, ignoring another gem's protest. It seems like this group craves peace more than justice, and Pink can only hope that it's a common opinion. He isn't sure how he'd handle multiple gems being angry with Steven in any degree, let alone threatening him. It probably wouldn't be anything that he'd would agree with, though that's hardly a new obstacle either.

"They kept him bubbled for as long as they could." Peridot interjects. "Steven's immune system was malfunctioning."

She turns to the gems, holding up a finger like she's giving a lecture. "Those are quite important for organic beings on this planet. They act as a shield against other, smaller organic beings called bacteria. Well, actually, I suppose it's more like -"

"They know I was sick, Peridot, but thank you." Steven is looking increasingly uncomfortable with the conversation, and Peridot thankfully relents. Connie gives Steven a look of sympathy that grates on Pink's nerves. He clings a little tighter when she comes closer, unwilling to hand him over just yet. Steven doesn't seem to notice, but Connie gives him a look he can't quite read. He doesn't try to, only giving her a blank glance that makes her flush and look away again. But now isn't a time to sort out his negative thoughts towards this girl, and he turns back to the still fuming Jasper who growls, "An eye for an eye, then. Isn't that what you humans say?"

Steven stiffens, and Pink does too in response. It's more of a reaction to his discomfort than anything - he's fairly sure he could beat her if it came to it. He gives her broken hand a calculating look that she doesn't seem to appreciate, her glower deepening.

"That isn't going to solve anything." Steven says, and though he doesn't look at Pink again, his arm still tightens around him almost unconsciously. "Keeping the cycle going isn't helping anyone."

The Jasper scoffs derisively, but her voice turns sharp again, another weapon in vocal form.  "Speak for yourself, Steven. The only one who needs a diamond around here is you."

The words hit their mark, Steven flinching back like she'd struck him. Pink watches his face fall again, surprisingly feeling his anger drain along with it. Or maybe change is more of an accurate word, because it cools rapidly into something like simple intent. He raises a hand and their shield turns out to be unnecessary afterall, because it doesn't take more than a quick wave of power to send the Jasper reeling back.

He regards her now distant form assessingly, watching as she struggles to her feet with a string of human and gem curses alike. He doesn't think they'd be so audible if the other gems hadn't fallen silent. A few quickly break off to go elsewhere, but most remain frozen to the spot. It seems a bit dramatic given that the Jasper clearly isn't harmed - not any more than she had been anyway.

Steven isn't impressed with his restraint either, hissing something to him that for once, Pink has trouble focusing on. His eyes are riveted on the Jasper, who's stomping back over with another snarl on her face. The air around her shifts as she jerks her weapon from her shoulder. It seems to pain her, her injured hand nearly dropping it before she switches it to the other.

His shield doesn't come even with the approaching threat, Steven's refusal still locking it away somewhere that he can't reach. Pink bares his teeth in frustration, abandoning the thought. He can protect Steven without it.

The Jasper is nearly back to them now, and Pink's a second away from going to meet her when someone intercepts their path.

"I didn't realize there was a party over here!"

Pink's decidedly done with people arriving unannounced today, and gives the newest arrival a flat look. Bismuth looks the same as the scattered memories he has of her - none very pleasant, and he again wonders why he'd risked Steven being alone at all.

He tightens his grasp on him as Bismuth grins at them all easily. The cheer seems false even to Pink though, and the Jasper seems to sense it too. She stops reluctantly in her tracks, but the anger doesn't leave her face. Her weapon remains - a large, thick appearing axe that Pink doesn't like the look of. Bismuth doesn't spare it a single glance, her braids shifting as she regards the Jasper's expression instead. The hollow cheer slips a bit from her voice when she speaks again.

"You really think that's a fight you'd win?"

He isn't sure if she means a fight with Pink or herself, but the Jasper only growls, sending him another furious glare. "I don't care. I'm done serving diamonds."

"I already told you, no one's serving anyone." Steven says. "Pink's just -"

Dangerous?

Awful?

Maybe a diamond would be a simpler explanation, but it seems to mean the same thing here. Maybe it does everywhere.

"Protective." Steven settles on eventually. "We're working on it."

The Jasper raises her injured hand again, the cracks rippling as her form struggles to heal itself. "You're doing a great job."

Steven grimaces a bit, but he grasps Pink tighter before he can retaliate again. "I'm sorry he hurt you, Jazz. I - I shouldn't have let him out of my sight like that. It won't happen again."

Delight rises in Pink at the words, but it mixes with something else much less pleasant. He doesn't think it's shame, exactly - he'd never regret protecting his Steven. That's why he exists.

He just wishes that Steven spending time with him wasn't seen as such an obligation. But he'd invited him today, hadn't he? He'd brought Pink when he didn't need to, and that meant something, didn't it? Steven hadn't even asked for much in return,  but he had to go and ruin it anyway. That does make him feel ashamed, and he avoids Steven's gaze when it finds him again.

He's feeling overwhelmed suddenly, and watches silently as Bismuth succeeds in driving the Jasper away. Her methods are less physical than Pink's had been, but there must be a threat there somewhere anyway. The Jasper doesn't look at them again, and it isn't long before she turns out of sight. Only a few gems follow her, shooting Pink varying looks that he ignores. He follows Steven back to his car after a moment, Peridot, Connie and Bismuth trailing after.

Steven orders Pink in first, and Peridot clambers in after without waiting for permission. Bismuth doesn't seem interested in joining them, but she still leans against the passenger window. She regards Pink with no fear, even when he growls at her for blocking his view of Steven. He's lingering near Connie, sharing quiet words that thankfully send her elsewhere too. Steven watches her go before glancing at the remaining gems, still regarding them fearfully. The worry that pinches his face makes Pink feel a bit ashamed again, but it doesn't displace the relief when Steven turns back to him.

It doesn't last long, twisting uncomfortably as Steven gets into the car. He seems intent on ignoring Pink for now, and he doesn't quite dare reach for him. He watches him offer a forced smile to Bismuth, still leaning near Pink nonchalantly. Peridot lurks in the back seat, nearly vibrating with the strain of the silence. Steven is predictably the one to break it first, but he sounds so tired that Pink almost wishes he hadn't.

"Sorry about back there. I guess I took things a little too fast."

Bismuth doesn't bother forcing a smile of her own, but she doesn't seem to hold any resentment toward Steven either. Pink's glad for it - he doesn't want to earn any more of Steven's ire by picking a fight with her. "Don't sweat it too much, Steven. It went better than I thought it would. Better than the Agates bet it would too."

Steven looks a little nauseous. "You guys made a bet?"

Bismuth shrugs, snorting a little. "Just something to ease the tension, I guess. I don't think anyone expected him to stay in there forever, but unbubbling himself is a skill I've never heard of, diamond or not. You're just a bag of tricks, huh?"

Pink blinks at her sudden attention, wondering if he'd had it the entire time. It's not something he wants, but she only grins again at his blank stare.

"Garnet has a theory on that!" Peridot blurts, unable to remain quiet any longer. She's leaning forward again, and Pink feels a bit of annoyance at being between the two gems. It doesn't seem like the best time to argue that though, so he only sags into the seat with a sigh. "She thinks it could be because of the hybrid relationship that they share. That Steven's gem half could feel him deteriorating to a dangerous level and was able to free himself through sheer will alone. It's quite fascinating, though I guess we should expect something like that from a diamond. Is that what happened, Pink?"

He sinks back further from her owlish eyes, trying to keep the bite from his tone if only to gain Steven's favor back. "I don't - I don't remember."

Peridot beams at the muttered reply, looking so reverent he almost feels disturbed. He's almost thankful when Bismuth speaks before she can respond.

"So, Pink Diamond, huh? You guys really pulled out all the creative stops picking that name, didn't you? Can't say it's the best one for morale around here."

Steven flushes a bit, drumming a finger on the steering wheel with a frown. "Yeah, I didn't think that through either. Amethyst starting calling him that, and he responded to it, so -"

"It's fine, Steven. Probably wouldn't have mattered anyway." Bismuth says, and the grin slips from her face. He isn't sure what emotion replaces it, but it doesn't seem hostile. Steven frowns again when she speaks though, so maybe Pink's wrong. "That's all anyone's ever going to see him as."

She pushes away from the car, giving Steven a parting wave. "I have some repairs left at Little Homeworld, but I'm glad you're feeling better, Steven. Tell Pearl I said hey, okay?"

Steven watches her go even longer than he had with Connie, and Pink feels concerned until he finally starts the car. Peridot, for once seems to read to atmosphere and slinks towards the back silently.

Pink should do the same. He shouldn't bother Steven any more than he has today - his face is unhappy again, and Pink knows his moods well enough to understand when to be quiet. But it hurts, knowing that he put that pain there, and he's reaching out before he can stop himself. He places the crushed can he'd grabbed before in Steven's hand, stealing the briefest of touches before withdrawing.

Steven stares at it for a long moment before looking at Pink. There's still pain in his eyes, but no irritation. He puts the ruined metal down with surprising care before grabbing Pink's hand.

"I promise we're going to figure this out, okay?"

Pink doesn't know what Steven's promising exactly, but he knows he'd take anything from him. Anything and everything. He squeezes Steven's hand, feeling another piece of himself slot into place when he squeezes back.

"Okay."