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No one else in their friend circle really understood why Zoe and Oz always got in line to pick up their tickets to go to cons. After all most of them either teleported in with Damien or were Polly and just floated in. Both would be easily attainable for the eldritch gods as Oz can just move between any shadow and Zoe’s teleportation powers are even better then the embodiment of fear’s as she was able to go anywhere from her Chaos Dimension. Even the go with the flow Brian didn’t see why you wouldn’t just come in if you could. What none of them really understood however was the joy they got from it.

For Zoey, it grounded her. Not relying on her eldritch powers for everything (just most things) made the whole con going experience feel that much more authentic. For Oz, it was like parties. Full of people, but not the center of attention. It was also mundane, waiting in line. While both former gods loved their lives of fast past wonder, they could truly appreciate these moments of uninteresting were there friends could not. And since all their friends skipped the lines, it allowed them just time to each other.

“Oz! This is going to be the best Monster Con ever. Stop worrying already.” Said Zoe, currently dressed as Vera’s front right snake (not to be confused with back middle snake. It’s scale patterns are incredibly different...apparently).

“I-I know. But this is the biggest Con we’ve been to in a while. I just want to make sure we have everything we need.” Oz was simply wearing a yellow sweater vest and black pants (his lawyers were not able to finish negotiations with Vera to get the rights to back left snake to complete the couples cosplay). Zoe just sighed with one mouth, said sigh with another, and smiled with a third.

“Okay, we’ll go over it one more time, for you. But after that you put away that list and just enjoy yourself, promise?”

“I will. I promise.” Oz pulls his backpack around while Zoe pulled out her phone.

“Water Bottles if we get thirty?”

“Yep, one for each of us.”

“Secondary Water Bottles incase we are forcefully dehydrated or can’t find a clean water fountain?”

“Yep, color coded.”

“Scott Snacks for anything Scott related?”

“Yep, pizza flavored and covered in protein powder just like he requested.”

“Pens in case anyone recognizes me and wants an autograph?”

“Purple and Black ink, yep.”

“Pens in case anyone recognizes you and wants an autograph?”

“...check, but like I said only one of us is a famous fandom writer and cartoonist. People probably won’t ask about me Zoe.”

“Hey, you’re a cutie. Never know what might happen. Now, what’s next…” The list continues on as the two continue to move up the line. Some highlights of the list include: Con Spending Money, A Map of Artist Alley, A Magic Arrow that Manifested the Fight Spirit of People (Oz thinks it’s an anime reference?), 5 Different Costumes for Zoe throughout the Weekend (three for Oz), their room reservations for the hotel, Two Nintendo Switches for the Pokemans tournament, Zoe’s lucky dwarf star (Zoe found the star when she took a gap year to explore the unknowable cosmos. She thought it looked neat so just took it. All life in that small solar system died within a week), A Yu-Gi-Oh Deck in case anyone challenges them to a duel, 17 honey badgers (Damien has yet to explain his request, only laughing sadistically in response when asked), an extra bag of cocaine for Polly, and all the emergency contact information for their group.

“...and we have both King and King LaVey’s personal numbers as well their main work number just in case.” Oz said reaching the end of his list of phone numbers. “It’s really sweet that they said we could call if any of us got in trouble, not just Damien”

“OMG, Damien’s dads are the best! First time I visited Damien’s place they had this giant roast dinner, but when I said I only really eat sanity they went out and tortured someone to my exact specifications. We should visit them next time we go to Hell Con.”

“Agreed.” Oz responded as he put the list of numbers away, “So, that's a thing right?”

“Well….no.” One eye glanced down at the end of the list with the others just looking at her boyfriend with a small scowl. “You still have ‘the mystery’ on here.”

“Oh!” Instead of checking his bag like all the other items Oz just stood there as his body shifted. A thin black haze came from his body as his formally solid body seemed to turn to liquid suspended in zero gravity. Then with a shake of Oz’s head to recenter themselves the air cleared and the body solidified, “Check” Oz gave a smile with his eyes as Zoe just sighed in annoyance.

“Aagrah! Oz! Why won’t you tell me what this mystery is! Seriously, why even put it on the list that I HAVE if you aren’t going to tell me”

“I-I’m sorry. I just wa-wanted to make sure I didn’t forget it. And I-I can’t tell you now, but I will. I pr-pr-promise.” Zoe let out a sigh (she didn’t need to sigh, ever really. She doesn’t have lungs to exhale out anyway, but Zoe would, and has, argued that that is not the point) in defeat. She could probably keep pushing and he would cave sooner rather than later on this if she did. But Oz never kept secrets, at least not from her. And the fact that he hadn’t caved yet meant he really wanted this to be a secret. So the eldritch cutie let it drop. After all, it wasn’t like she had any misgivings about it. Curiosity was the only real driving force.

With the conversation dropped, their talk muddled about afterwards with topics of school and recent commissions until the line finally moved far enough along that they finally made it in the building. At this point Zoe had forgotten about ‘the mystery’ and was just brimming with excitement, “Okay, seriously this will be great! So many panels! So many creators and actors! The Con Organizers have really gone over the top with this one! I don’t want to jinx it, but I think this is going to be a con to remember!” Title Drop

“Y-yeah. I hope so!” Oz said, feeling the weight of the mystery inside of him (and feeling the weight of everything he managed to stuff into his bag. But of course those were all only just a literal weight. The thing in side him was metaphorical as well), “S-So, should we go find our gang first or get in line for the first panel” Zoe just waved her hand as she started to walk in.

“Peesh! We can find our friends later! You have a panel you want to get to early right?”

“Yeah, the Analyzing Video Games panel! But I know you’re not super into those kinds of stuff, so you can meet up with everyone. I’ll catch up later.” Oz said following behind.

“Nonsense! This is one of the big panels that you wanted to come to. Even if I don’t do as much video essays as you do, I’m sure it’ll still be a great time. Now come on, let’s go get in line so we can get good sets!” Zoe began to run off with Oz coming after her. At this point, it was hard to contain her excitement. She always got super excited about these sort of things, and being able to share these with people she loved made it even better. Zoe knew this was going to be the most exciting con she had been to yet.

Chapter Text

“So I think if we’re even going to have this be a point of discussion we must first define what we mean by violence. Is violence inflicting harm on others,fictional or otherwise? What about competition? Do we consider any competitive game one with violence? And what of games where the gameplay does not strictly reflect violence but the context it is put in produces violence? And what of games that actively give a choice on violence or not? I am of course not saying that this is not a worth wild conversation, however, I think some of these questions need to be answered before we continue.”

Okay, Zoe might have overestimated her excitement level throughout the con. Case and point, after the micro speech the airperson in glasses just gave the room had entered into conversation and debate, some even standing up to try to answer the questions posed. Even the shy, timid, and social exhausted Oz willingly became the center of attention to answer a question. And Zoe just could not care! So she found herself sitting in the corner, checking tumblr every 15 seconds, and waiting for this to be over so they could do something more fun.

Now, that’s not to say that these nerds didn’t have a right to engage with the works they loved in whatever way they wanted. Fandom should never be so strict to police people out just for not conforming to the rest of a group wants (unless you are being aggressive or raisitc or homophobic or a nazi or some other shit. Cause that’s exactly a reason to kick someone out). However, Zoe engaged with fandom by creating. Fan Art, Fan Fiction, Ask Tumblr Blogs, Cosplay. Zoe has done it all and it’s how she likes to show her love. But analysing her beloved works was not something she typically engaged with. Or at the very least, not at this level. Glancing up from her own thoughts Zoe sees that a few people have brought out text books.

“Right here, in Applying Cultural and Critical Theory to Video Game Aesthetics, Bryan Carr says, and I quote, ‘Unlike many other visual forms, the off-screen space in games can often be just as important as what is happening on the screen. In a film, what happens out of frame does not in a tangible sense exist- it is visual information that has simply been left out, and does not have direct impact on the narrative or meaning of the visuals. In a video game, enemies, obstacles, and other events that require the player's attention may be congregating in the off-screen space’ end quote. I think we can all agree here that if we apply this to works such as-” And Zoe zones out again.

But still, Zoe couldn’t just walk out of here. Oz only really wanted to go to like 3 panels. For the rest of the weekend, he’d be dragged along by their friends to different places. And look at him, he’s so rarely outspoken and hear he is making great claims about his passions, “Oh, of course we have a Narrativist here! Thank gods we get to hear the opinion that the games part of video games isn’t important.” Like that, Oz would never say something like that back when everyone was at Spooky High School. Sure, they had their moments of boldness (mostly after one to many trip to the bathroom), but they only ever acted upon it for the sake of someone else. Old Oz would never get right up in a stone giant’s face and say, “You think your so high and mighty discussing works through the lens of other mediums! Don’t You?!” like he is right now.

Zoe tries to wrap her head around any real moment that changed him, but none really come to mind. Sure, she can think of times that acted kind of like turning points for Oz. The moment Oz actually asked if she wanted to be in a relationship in college was the first thing that really came to mind. But really there was no moment that changed him. It was a life of interacting with people that made Oz the Embodiment of Fear that he is today. That was probably the best part that Zoe had been able to witness since coming to terms with who she was, seeing all the ways that monsters can change (Well, Second best really. Anime was pretty great. Oh, and Tumblr. Tumblr’s great. And Fanfiction/Ao3/Wattpad. And all fan fiction really. Oh and fan art. Fan art is just the coolest thing. But thinking of cool, snow is pretty great. That’s not something she had in her imprisonment, Garfield too. Garfield is great! And sex. Couldn’t forget about that. Okay, so maybe the wonders of character growth wasn’t her favorite, but it is at least in her top 100).

That’s not to say that Oz isn’t a completely different person. He still isn’t great being the center of attention. He’s still a push over. And He’s still a huge dork. But that’s fine. There is no one right way to change. And what’s important is that he’s now so much more willing to stand up for himself, not just for others. Like, now Oz and some other con goes were currently in an incredibly violent brawl. Oz used to only do stuff like that to impress the people he was trying to romance, and since he’s already with Zoe she knew that last drop kick was all for himself. Zoe couldn’t help but be proud of her fearling.

…
…Something about that thought didn’t sound right

Zoe glances up and fully takes in her current panel. She’s not sure how, but a fist fight seems to have broken out between the nerdy scholars, and her boyfriend was in the middle of it.

“SAY IT! SAY GAMES ARE MORE THEN JUST STORY PRESENTED BUT ALSO STORY EXPERIENCED! SAY IT!!!” Oz said as he has a hobgoblin trapped in a powerful headlock and quickly losing air.

“N-never!” was the last thing the hobgoblin could get out before falling limp. Maybe dead? Oz didn’t really seem to care as soon after he let go a gnome hit Oz with a chair to the back of the head.

“A story can’t be defined, much less analysed by something as unstructured moment to moment gameplay! Such conversation should happen in a game design class, not a narrative based discussion” the gnome yelled at the top of her tiny lungs.

It was clear that Zoe missed something during her character descriptor, and needless to say the eldritch cutie’s attention has been captured. However, in moments like this, Zoe knows she needs to take on a different role. She needs to be a supportive girlfriend. She went over the edge of the battle where all those smart enough to not get into a fight were watching, “COME ON OZ! RIP HER THROAT OUT! SHOW HER WHAT YOU LEARN FOR YOUR THESIS DEFENSE!!!!” Zoe threw in a knife for good measure.

“Oz, for the fourth time. You don’t have to apologize. It’s Monster Con! You can have fun your own way.” The being who was created to bring ruin to existence said comforting the living personification of fear.

“I-I know. I just don’t know what happened. Ludogist and the Narrativists started arguing, we got louder and louder, someone said we should settle this like Plato would, before I knew it we had moved all the tables and chairs to make the fight pit. I’m sorry I got in a fight. That must have been embarrassing for you. Especially since I lost the fight pit.” Oz said with an ice pack on one eye. Oz probably would have won that fight too if that sentient Tapir with human hands hadn’t grabbed Zoe’s knife first. But oh well, the knife was cursed anyway, so it still worked out (that tapir was not cursed to forever wonder the world, compelled to move kitchen appliances to random places throughout the world. A weird curse to be sure, but Faith was pretty drunk when she made it).

“Fifth time. And it’s fine Ozzie. And no, you didn’t embarrass me. After all,” A tentacle slowly wraps itself around Oz as Zoe leaned in, “I like it when you get....assertive” It should definitely be physically impossible for Oz to blush, but they’ve proven time and time again that impossible doesn’t really relate to their life. Oz begins to stammer as Zoe giggles. Thankfully for Oz, they are interrupted by a see-through woman floating upside down.

“Hey, their honorary prank master and her boytoy!” Oz praid internally to the god of mercy for their help. Unfortunately, the God of Mercy still remembered that Oz owed them 20 bucks and was not here, “Oh, I know that face! That’s Oz’s taking about sex face. What’s the conversation over?” Never before has Oz wished for mortality so Milo could take him away from this horrible conversation. Zoe in contrast lived for these moments

“Oh, you know, just a little tease for later tonight.” It wasn’t really. They were going to a concert tonight and would probably just fall to sleep as soon as they hit the bed, but that wasn’t really the point. The point was Oz’s face and studders as they tried to form words.

“Oh, well then if you guys need a third tonight let me know” The wink Polly gave finally set his brain’s mode to ‘Talk’, but sadly volume was turned all the way up.

“WELL POLLY THAT’S NICE OF YOU TO ASK BUT YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP NOW SO IT WOULDN’T BE RIGHT JUST TO DO THAT WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT!!!” After a second to process the fast tempo yelling, Polly just smiled suggestively and turned to a small group of people a few meters away

“Hey Boo, mind if I sleep with the nerd couple tonight?”

“Sure, thanks for asking!” Vicky called back without any real pause to think. And Polly turned back around both she and Zoe now shared a michovies smile. However, with the approval of Vicky, he finally saw an opening to leave.

“OH LOOK THERE IS EVERYONE WE SHOULD BE GOING OVER THEIR HEY EVERYONE” The embodiment of fear removed themselves from their girlfriend’s grip and rushed over to the group of Spooky High Graduates. Zoe and Polly followed behind laughing all the while. Once they had all gathered Damien welcomed the two newest arrivals with his expected level of politeness and grace.

“About time you fuckers showed up! The rest of us have been here for like, 10 minutes!” The rest of us Damien was referring to included Brian, Vicky, Polly, Amira, and Scott.

“Yeah, that’s basically an hour.” said the buff werewolf who wasn’t so angry about the delay and more so sad and bored due to a lack of all his expected friends. He then turned to Vicky, “That’s right right?” Vicky, instead of responding with words, looked a little sheepish and simply waved her hand. Scott took this to mean he was right and wagged his tail in joy for being correct.

“It’s like I’ve told you before Damien, Oz and I like waiting in line. It’s all about the true con experience. Also we get to monster watch. See all the interesting cos-”

“Nope, don’t care anymore. You’re here now and that’s that. We got rooms for you back at my dad’s all set up so we can all head back together tonight.”

“W-well, actually,” despite the good terms that they found themselves in, Oz still really don’t like contradicting Damien, “Z-zoe and I have rooms at the hotel here. So we’ll be staying here.” A normal friend might be a little bummed about that, but Damien thinks that some fruit has personally insulted him.

“Oh, I see how it is! You’re too good to rough it out with us, aren’t!?!!”

“Damien, the rest of us are literally staying at your mansion with our own private rooms to be weighted on hand and foot by your army of servants.” Brian said, not looking up from a text with Milo.

“That’s not the point! ROUGH IT OUT WITH US”

“Hey now Dames,” Amira stepped into the conversation, throwing her arm around Damien, “Let the two love dorks have their Con fantasy. After all, if they stayed over at your place, they might spy on your super secret strategy. After all, you know Zoe got that weird mind reading thing going. She’d totally look in that noggin of yours!” Zoe was a little offended that a good friend of hers thought a simple invasion of privacy was weird, but it did seem to have the diresed effect as Damien calmed down.

“Okay cool, really dodged a bullet there.” Out of curiosity, Zoe did just take a peek at Damien’s game plan. As it turns out his plan was to punch his opponent if they were winning. A solid and time tested strategy. “Okay, so are we just going to stand around all day or are we going to get a plan going!” And so the conversation began.

The group had no intention to spend the entire Con together. Too many different things to do and priorities. No point really in trying to figure out a perfect plan for all of them. So instead they went through all the panels and events they wanted to go to, figured out what places people wanted to go together to, and when they’d all meet up as a group. After about 10 minutes or an hour of talking (Scott couldn’t tell), they had their weekend planned and divided into groups. Vicky, Brian, and Oz went off to a panel. Scott and Damien were going off for special anime training for tomorrow’s tournament. Polly floated out half way through the conversation to do some early morning drinking. And Amira and Zoe went off to Artist Alley. That conversation they all had will be the calmest times they as a collective have this con. Although we’re in chapter two and we already had a wrestling match, so you probably guessed that.

Chapter Text

He was apprehensive at first when a colleague suggested the idea, but Clark the Rock Gnome was glad he booked a table at the Monster Con. First year he did this he was positive that no one would buy any of the backlog from his jewelry shop. After all this was a nerd place, and these weren’t nerd stuff. It was literally just a backlog of shitty but shinny stones that he couldn’t sell at his normal shop. But as it turns out you don’t have to turn something into a nerd thing here. They’ll do it for you. Just lay them out there and the suckers would make a connection all on their own. All Clark had to do afterwards was say “Yes, and...” (and his parents told him he'd never amount to anything by majoring in theater. Well who's laughing now MOM!?) so they would pay whatever price was given to them. All he needed was to let his wares catch someone’s eye. Like right now. A woman with fiery hair was walking by, glancing at the table to only go wide eyed at something. There, he had the sucker! “Does something catch your eye?”

“Yeah, that one.” She just pointed down at one of the items, but didn’t give any indication of what fantasy book they thought it was from. Oh well, that's fine. Not like others havn- Oh shit. Finally taking in the item being pointed to, he saw a mistake. This wasn’t one of his crappy gems. This was a one of a kind cerulean gem formed by superheating the scales of an old aquatic god. It was supposed to be sold to the richest people in the world, not some rando at a Con. He’ll give her this though. She has a good eye.

“Oh, I don’t know Miss. That one might be out of your price range. Surely one of these other ones” suddenly the rock gnome felt a chill running down their back. Like something was watching him. Something that shouldn’t be.

“Come on, you don’t know that. Now, how much for it?” she said as if nothing wasn’t wrong.

“Wwell, it is actually on sale right now. Only 999 Monsters Bucks.” He tried to give out a number that was beyond reasonability, so she would go and he could clear his head. It didn’t seem to be working as he could see his breath now and she just laughed.

“Oh, is it now? How about this? I’ll give you 10 Money.” Such a declaration actually shocked Clark out of his current statement. What a ludicrous counter offer! Why, in all his years- Then indescribable whispers caught his ear and he now knew deep down that his death was near. Quickly turning around, we saw no one, however the whispers remained. “Well, do we have a deal?” the djinn said.

“N-no! Of course we wouldn’t” It was amazing that he could still engage in conversation, although it did concern him a bit that he said ‘we’ instead of ‘I’. Nonsense, we shouldn’t worry about that. After all we are we. That voice came from inside Clark’s head.

“Fine, 5 Money.” The size no longer broke Clark, too preoccupied with the dissonant whispers coming from one ear and the foreign thoughts coming from his head Our head the voice reminded, “Okay fine, 3 Money” Clark did not respond as he felt something long and wet begin to slither up his leg. “What about 1 Money” His eyes began to blur, and his body ran cold. All he could feel was the sound of the whispers and the woman’s voice. “Hold on, are you giving this to me for free?” Suddenly the feeling on his leg disappeared as his eyesight returned. All the normal sounds of the shops began to return. He caught himself on the counter breathing heavily.

“Yes” was all he was able to get out, more as a declaration of his freedom than a response to the woman. She took it as a confirmation even when it was clear it wasn’t, giving a quick thanks and smile as she grabbed the jewel and walked away. The rock gnome didn’t care anyway. These past few seconds (hours, days, months, years. He couldn’t tell anymore) changed him, "I...I need to reconsider some things"

And reconsider he would. He left the gem business as soon as he got home and went back to his core, the theater. From there he worked as minor characters and tech for a number of local productions until he saw a flyer looking for extra hands managing the props for a traveling production. Taking the offer he got in contact with a lot of the production side of theater and when given the chance to write his own play he jumped on it. He never became super famous for his writing, but he was happy with his life now. One day as he was driving home from the bar after a show he was pulled over and the officer asked for his ID. It was only then reaching into his pocket when he realized, “That Bitch stole my wallet!”

Back at the Con, Amira and Zoe were laughing as they walked away with a precious gem and a guy’s wallet. The lack of money in the wallet did kill the buzz of the old god a little, but the djinn didn’t seem too worried about that, “Yeah, sure they might not have any cash in here, but…” She pulled out a few different cards from within a Wallet. What looked like a drivers license, a social security card, a library card, and a rewards card for that new froyo place downtown, “Even if we don’t want to use any of these ourselves, I’m sure I might know someone who could make good use of these” After the reassurance Zoe decided to poke a little at that comment.

“Oh, and would this someone happen to be a new sister-in-law you might have required recently.” Very few people could tease Amira without getting attacked in the process. It was only really two groups of people, close friends that she would literally die for or people that were so powerful that the djinn couldn’t practically threaten. While Zoe wasn’t quite in the first camp yet, she definitely was in the second. So Amira just role with it, although a slight blush could be seen if you were looking (which Zoe definitely was).

“Hey now, I know what’s going through your head, so stop it. Val and I have only been dating for a month.” Despite being called out Zoe didn’t seem to waver as her imagination was going wild (as soon as she was back with Oz she’d spend like an hour writing all the fluff pieces she was thinking about). Amira still found herself smiley at the comment despite herself. The djinn still found it a bit amazing that she was in the place that she was. Before Valerie, Amira had just come out of a serious relationship that ended horribly. Left Amira in a really bad place. It took about two months before she had recovered and was willing to try dating again. She even took up the offer of Brian to go on a blind date with a friend of his. And it turns out it was Valerie.

It wasn’t like Amira had never considered asking the catgirl out before, after all she was always pretty horny and anyone could see how hot the shopkeeper was. However, the purple cat (thinking about it Amira had an odd number of people in her life that were purple) was too chill for Amira. Sure, she was cool to hang out with but not really someone Amira ever really saw herself with. They still interacted with each other of course. Val was a frequent visitor to Brian’s Reefer Madness days (Amira started going to those when she first heard Damien say 420 Blaze It! and horribly misunderstood what he was talking about), and Amira ended up working under Vera as a full-time underling in the Oberlin Crime Empire. Since Valerie was both Vera’s sister and go to fencer, Amira still got to see her plenty, but it was largely a work relationship. It wasn’t until the blind date that she considered making it anything more, but she was glad Brain had the insight.

Amira had changed sense Spooky High School. Sure, she still had that fire and passion within her, but she learned to appreciate the calm every now and again. And just because Val was chill, she still lived with Vera Oberlin for a long time. The catgirl knew how to get crazy, and Amira was always down for some crazy. And so a bind date became a second, then third, and so on until now, where she is currently scamming people out of their valuable objects at the con in order to let Val sell them at a mark up. Amira was honestly so content with her life, she didn’t even care about that jerk of a centaur any more (Amira did once decided to try and social media stalk her ex only to discover that all of his accounts had been deleted, his job had no record of ever having him, his apartment had been destroyed, and Damien said Vera called in a favor to his Dads to let her specifically torture a recently acquired centaur soul. Sometimes it was nice to have friends). 

But enough of this fan fic writer’s headcanon, this chapter was supposed to have a plot. Although you wouldn’t believe it from what is currently going on, Amira and Zoe walking around as the purple one scrolls through her phone, looking if the foryo card was worth keeping, “So, it looks like they don’t have any sanity flavors which is a shame. Oh, but they do make their peach yogurt with real peaches!” Amira was about to comment that she glanced up and saw a sword. It was hanging on the wall at a booth full of other weaponry. It looked real and seemed to have some runes carved into it. Glancing to the sign next to it...Wholly Shit! A plus 12 magic weapon! And it’s being sold here! She glanced at the table. Good, the shopkeep didn’t notice she was staring. This would be fine.

Amira nudges Zoe, “Hey, I see a mark.” The seasoned criminal gestures to the booth, “I’m aiming for the sword.” Zoe glanced over with one of her less obvious eyes and nodded.

“Oh yeah. Aravvi will love that!”

“Yeah, and will be more than willing to buy it from Valerie once I give it to her.” Zoe might have tried to argue against that, but she could fault the logic there, “what are you thinking?” Amira just smiled.

“I’m thinking the same as before”, she stuffed her new found wallet and gem into her pocket. “Let’s do this!” Amira began to walk over there with confidence in her step. Zoe smiled to herself and disappeared into her own pocket dimension. She always loved this sort of stuff.

Denise the Satyr was cleaning off a cheap dagger when he noticed the woman with fiery hair glance at his wares. “See something you like, just let me know.” He had more or less a hands off approach to selling his weapons. He wasn’t one to lower his prices and he wasn’t going to try and convince someone to buy his stuff. You either paid or you didn’t. He wouldn’t go lower. Oddly enough, after thinking that Denise felt a chill go down his spin. It wasn’t going away.

The woman glanced up at a weapon on the wall and pointed. Glancing back the satyr say it was his Masterclass Sword. As he looked at the sword his eyes began to blur. He could only make out the sword. Turning around he could only make out the woman who asked, “I can’t see the price. How much for it?”

“It’s-” his words were cut off by the sounds of chatter. A sound he could not hear, but new was there. He glanced around but the sound did not change in volume at all. “It’s 400 Money” Wait, no. That wasn’t right? Why? Why did he say something lower? Seemingly unaffected by this strange feeling going on, the woman shook her head.

“I don’t know. That’s a bit out of my price range.” She began to reach into a jacket pocket, presumably to grab a wallet, “How about-” Then she stopped with one hand in her pocket. Did she feel it too? “You know what? Never mind.” and she left. He knew logically that she probably misplaced her wallet, but another part of him felt concern. Why? He had no reason to feel concerned. He then realized that he was still here and should leave now before he suspects anything, which was absolutely bizarre. Then his eyesight returned and the chill went away. The chattering did not however, still remaining for a few minutes, making it hard to think.

Denise would go on to join the Cult of Zoe after this encounter, but that is a story for later.

As Amira walked through the hall, now filled with more people, she walked with an aimless purpose. She was looking for something but just wasn’t sure what that something was. She wasn’t exactly hiding however, so Zoe was quick to catch up, “Hey, did I do something wrong? I thought I did everything right.” He was a little hurt, but Amira only partially registered it.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.” She scanned the room once more looking for anything that would catch her eye. After not finding anything she gave an upset sigh and looked over to Zoe who seemed a tad annoyed at just being ignored, “...what?”

“What was that? We had a plan.” In response Amira pulled out the contents of her pockets revealing her wallet, phone, con pass, and a gun, “....I don’t get it?”

“The gem is gone.” Amira said stuffing her stuff back in.

“Wait, you were pickpocketed?” Zoe looked dumbfounded then began to chuckle a bit.

“Hey, it’s not funny!” Amira said, getting defensive. It didn’t really stop Zoe from finding it amusing, “Look, this was someone who was able to pickpocket ME without me noticing. And they only took the jewel.” Amira put a hand to her chin. Zoe stopped laughing, seeming to realize the implication.

“When did they do it? While we were looking at the Wallet?”

“No, I still had it in my hand then. I only put it in my pocket when we went to get the sword.” Amira looked back at the stall, seems the vendor was still a little shaken and the sword was still there. Okay, so it wasn’t about the sword then, “That means it had to be from there, which means it had to be taken there.” Zoe perked up at this revelation and gave a smile.

“If that’s the case then I got you covered.” She gave a smile and walked back to the vendor happy to be a part of an Ocean’s 11 thing.

Denise was still a bit shaken from whatever just happened. Nothing life changing of course, but enough so that he was asking people to come back in a bit so he could recenter himself. “Um sir.” A peppy yet polite voice came from the other side of the table. He glanced up to see a with two holes where the eyes should be and an eye on her forehead between tentacles whp currently was dressed as a snake. It was an odd sight for Denise, but what really stuck him was the chill running down his spine. He remembered this person, but for whatever reason he was unable to recall as if his mind was trying to keep that information away, “I was wondering if you saw anyone walk by while the woman with fiery hair was con- I mean shopping here.” She gave a smile that both made him concerned but also made him want to tell her anything, yet his brain still wasn’t agreeing with his requests.

“Sorry, m’am. My head is spinning a bit, so I can’t quite remember.” Despite denying the request, the woman didn’t seem perturbed at all.

“That’s okay. I’ll just look myself.” She said, never dropping her smile. Her face did change however as he looked into the black voids where her eyes should be they began to move and swirl, a sinkhole pulling in focus, light, himself, everything. And he was falling, falling and yet not moving. He felt his mind leave his body and open up into a beautiful mosec. All of him, now spread out. And then the eyes were looking. 1 eye. 1,000 eyes. He could not tell. But he could feel the gaze. Felt the gaze wrap around him and constrict like wet cloths grasping at your skin yet it was not wet or cold. Just suffocating. And the gaze did not care. For it saw everything, even the parts Denise was not aware of. It knew him now, more than any other being could be. Somewhere, far away from where he currently was, he could hear something, “Okay, got it. Thank you.”

The girl in the snake costume turned and walked away. Eye contact broken Denise fell onto the table, trying to understand the wonderful power he just witnessed. As he stammered trying to right himself he felt a shadow cover him. Glancing up he saw three people all wearing purple robes and identical masks. The one in the front raised his arms into the air and began to speak with a voice full of power and authority, “You have just been touched by our dark lord. You have seen the beauty in the chaos. The power that we can only dream off.” He brought down his arms, reached into one of his sleeve and pulled out a pamphlet, “Would you like to join the Cult of Zoe? We offer benefits and we have our own prophet!” Denise can’t remember a time that he agreed to something so fast.

Zoe came back to Amira skipping, “Okay, I got it! We’re looking for a Vampire, yellow skin, A little shorter than you, and according to my ability to sense everything at once, they are by the bathroom, making their way out of the hall.” Amira smiled and ran off. Zoe followed behind, “Wait, why are we trying to get it back?” Amira turned her head back.

“Because they only stole the jewel and are now trying to leave. That thing might be more valuable than I thought.” As Amira turned back around to see where she was going Zoe swore she saw dollar signs in her eyes. It seems the company she keeps was rubbing off on her.

It didn’t take long to spot the vampire. She wasn’t really hiding, more just blending into the crowd. Doesn’t even realize someone might be looking for her specifically. Overconfidence maybe? Amira didn’t know and didn’t really care. She had her mark. She looked over to Zoe, “Give her a headache. Nothing to clue her in, just enough to distract her a little bit.” Zoe saluted and disappeared. Amira looked back at the vampire. Her pace hadn’t changed and she was keeping to the edge of everyone. This was good.

Amira walked through the room, but not without grabbing a few things. The vampire might be able to ID her, and that'll make this harder. So she nicked a few things from con goers. A scarf, some shades, a jacket, and a hat (Hats had been a problem for Amira for most of her life. A desire to have headwear yet always sets them ablaze. Ever since she told her color squad her plight they set out on a mission to replace all the hats of the world with flame retardant duplicates. It was a lot of work and definitely was the cause of them all being held back a year in monster middle school, but it was clearly a worthwhile investment now). Not the best disguise, but on such short notice all she needed was enough differences to make her unrecognizable at a glance.

As she approached the yellow pickpocket Amira slowed her pace trying to cross her path, waiting for the headache. Maybe the djinn was being overly cautious, but this person was good enough to pickpocket her. HER. No need to go easy.

Once she got to arms length the vampire flinched, a sudden spike surely caused by the ultimate fangirl. Unless you were looking closely, you wouldn’t even see it. In a motion developed by years of experience, the vampire was passed by with no fanfare. In Amira’s palm, she felt the familiar shape of the jewel. A smirk spread across her face as she made her way back to where Zoe disappeared. Sure enough the elder god was there looking proud of herself. “So, we good?” Amira flashed the jewel.

“Yeah, we’re good.”

“Awesome. Then let’s get back. I still want to visit Artist Alley before lunch!” And Zoe turned to walk away. Amira was about to follow only to feel a sudden pain coming from her hip.

“That was impressive, I’ll give you that, but you shouldn’t have contacted your partner in the same room you worked a mark. That’s over confidence” A woman’s voice came directly from behind Amira. Amira tried to swing her arm to prevent the stabbing (or more accurately, to stop being stabbed), but she couldn’t. She couldn’t turn her head. She was even having a some trouble breathing, “I see you struggling,” The Woman continued, “That would be the dagger. Paralysis enchantments are a wonderful thing.” Amira felt a hand reaching into her pocket bag, not even trying to be subtle about it. It then felt a little lighter as the hand and jewel were both removed, “Well, this was a bit more work then I was expecting, but nothing for me to worry about. You did make this a little more interesting burnette, and I thank you for it. Have fun bleeding out.” And she was gone.

Monster Society wasn’t very helpful to strangers. Even if anyone noticed Amira, they didn’t do anything about it. So Amira just stood there, in the middle of a room, bleeding, alone, trying to breathe, and wanting that jewel more than ever now!

Chapter Text

This wasn’t the first time Amira had attempted to shoot fire out of a knife wound in order to propel the blade out. First time she ever had sex with Damien she ended up doing exactly that on his request (not to kick shame, but wow does that boy have some oddly specific fetishes). However, even with experience this was not an easy trick to pull off, even without the added hindrance of paralysis. And the reason for that is thanks to a fact that has caused Amira to lose many bets (and cause her several serious injuries) in grade school. Amira couldn’t fly.

Try as she might, the djinn was not the Human Torch. Sure, she could produce a lot of really hot flames and she could shoot her flames out a pretty nice 3 meters, but flight was a problem. It was more a matter of force. She couldn’t actually produce flames with enough force to propel herself. As such, there was no guarantee that Amira’s plan would actually work, but with no friends nearby this was her only real option. So she breathed in the best she could and focused. Focused on the knife wound and the flesh right under the tip of the blade. Then she thought heat, she thought flames. Not producing, just revving up. Breathing was hard, so she wanted to get this right on the first try. So she needed to focus. focus. Focus. Focus...and FIRE!

*plonk*

Amira collapsed on the grown panting. She did it. She glanced and saw the knife on the ground before grabbing it. No point letting it go to waste. Standing up, the djinn ran through what she knew must have been a fools errand. Amira was facing further into the con and the Vampire never entered her line of sight. So she was still trying to leave. And it had been two minute before she was able to remove the dagger. The target could have been anywhere. No real point in following….BUUUUTT, that was her jewel. Only pausing the heat up her hand and cauterize the wound Amira ran off to continue the hunt.

Oni Parker House in Monsteropolise is one of the greatest hotels in monster kind (and definitely not just the first famous hotel that the fic writer saw that could easily be turned into a monster pun), and was the annual location for the Monster Con. While it wasn’t the tallest building in the city, it was up there. Which made it fortuitous that Amira presently found herself in need of a high up place to scout the area. With a par of stolen binoculars (really Amira didn’t understand why Oz wanted to pack for everything at a Convention when you could just steal whatever you wanted from people who decided to go overboard with their costumes), she was currently scouting the area, facing the city where the Vampire would have exited. Amira knew this might be a futile endeavor. After all, she could have changed looks through practical or magical means. Heck, she could have just been in a car. Amira resolved another minute, and then she’d try another avenue.

Just then, she noticed an orange light from below. Glancing down it seems like a glowing orange line had been created around the build. That didn’t seem right. Sure, she didn’t look into the Con’s schedule much in preparation for coming here, but Amira was confident she would have heard either Vicky or Zoe mention a light show. And who does a light show in the middle of the day (somewhere Lucas, the Haunted Animatronic who originally set up the light for the 24 hour raves at Spooky High School started crying and didn’t know why. He also shorted himself out, and all this while driving an ambulance)? Hearing a loud scream sealed the deal for Amira that something was up.

Looking down at the line with her binoculars she saw a large mummy having been cut in half vertically with the two halves on opposite sides of an elevating force field of orange energy. She also finally saw the yellow vampire on the outside rim of the circle. While Amira had not been in a magical ruins class in a few years she recognized someone casting a ritual.

That clever bastard! Did she know Amira could use fire to push the blade out? Maybe? She did make notice of Zoe! Maybe she thought a friend was coming to help? Amira decided it didn’t really matter. Her yellow advisory was trying to prevent anyone from following, so the djinn needed to act now!

She looked back at the room and in her bag. Nothing useful, or at least nothing useful in the time that she has. Amira looked down at the rising wall and an idea popped in her head. The fiery woman looked ahead to the building across the street. It was full of windows. Yes, this could work. It might also kill her. And what if the force field doesn’t work the way she wants? No, no. The scream from earlier. Someone got cut in half because they were on it. The plan will work.

Amira took a few steps back and then ran, jumping out of the window. The force field just barely got to her floor after she jumped out. She likes to think her target was looking up with a dumbfounded expression, but she wasn’t sure. Too focused looking at the building across the street. Normal math was never her strong suit, so Amira relied on instinct. When she thought it was the appropriate height she drove her elbow into the field. Much to her joy, the power of the field repealed her instantly shooting her across the street. Unfortunately she undershot it, and now found herself being flung onto the roof of the building. Not quite the goal, but good enough. Only a number of bruises and a burnt elbow sustained from the stunt. It was all worth it once she stood up and looked down to the road seeing her target looking up completely baffled.

Neither basked in their current state however as they both began to run: the Vampire on the street, Amira via rooftop. Amira couldn’t make out the face of her vampire, but given how she was currently running down the street pushing people over without subtly, they were in a bit of a panic, not expecting this much resistance.

It was seconds into the chase before Amira knew something was up. At present Amira was able to keep up fairly well via roof tops. Despite the fact that Amira had to jump from roof to roof, her adversary had to deal with the crowds of monsters throughout the streets where the brunette had none. Still this woman had shown to be clever already. If the vampire turned, ran down streets, she’d have a better chance of losing her pursuer. It’d require Amira to jump from her high top, which to do safely could lose her the trail. Yet she was just running in a straight line.

After about 6 Blocks, it became clear why the vampire was running like this, she was playing the long game. The Jewel Thief (who took the jewel from a different jewel thief, so who was the real criminal anyway?) had pulled out a set of keys and clicked them, opening a car door at the corner of the next block. Shit! Amira needed to get to ground level NOW. Glancing at the streets below she saw a stone golem, a person covered in metal spikes, Blobert (Aw, Blobert, look, he’s even waving at Amira and cheering her on. What a nice guy<3) and a yeti walking with a broken leg on crutches. Taking it all in, Amira jumped, using the yeti to break her fall sense they’d be the softest. It worked thankfully with the only major damage being to the yeti. Unfortunately, she glanced up to see the yellow culprit just get in the car. Shit, this is bad. At least Amira learned one thing, the vampire wasn’t a local (On the whole Monsteropilise had a wide and varied public transportation options that most people used even if they had cars. The reason for this is that most people just destroy the car that is taking up the parking space that they want. By parking at the closest available spot to the convention center she unwittingly doomed herself to stand out. HA).

At the end of the block was a traffic light and a banshee on a motorcycle waiting for the light to change. Without pause Amira dropkicked the banshee, takes the motorcycle, and drives off. It only takes a second to find the car again as it is barreling down the road ignoring most if not all driving laws. Amira growled a little as at least the vampire new how to match the normal driving habits of the people in this city. Oh well, that didn’t matter so much. She saw the car, yet she wasn’t gaining on it. Damn her car was fast!

And also dangerous as Amira quickly learned as with the rear light flipping out revealing machine guns. Thankfully through years of having to dodge fast moving projectiles (Amira did not give Coach enough credit in her ability to survive fire fights), she was able to turn, swerving out of the way of incoming fire enough. Amira sighed with relief after the guns retreated only to be greeted with a MISSILE LAUNCHER!!! Who the hell made this car and where can she get one (She also thought for a half a second that, for the sake of the world and everyone in it, she must NEVER show this car to Damien)!? The first missile was easily avoided like the person who was driving them had never fired one before, they were a fast learner however as the second one was much closer to it’s mark. Thankfully this wasn’t the first time Amira had to dodge missiles while on a motorcycle (her 21 birthday was wild), so it was easy enough to avoid the weapons. The djinn didn’t have such good fortune with the 3rd missile as it aimed right into front of Amira’s cycle, destroying the road.

Not able to turn wide enough to avoid the now harsh terrain, the front wheel caught on the rubble causing the vehicle to suddenly jerk to a stop. Amira, still a victim of inertia, kept going. Thankfully she had the concrete of the road to break her fall, all it cost her was a number of injuries with her clothes destroyed. While it wasn’t the most painful motorcycle crash Amira ever had (her 22 birthday was WILD) it still wasn't pleasant. As she righted herself, she tried not to count the broken bones she felt.

“Are you okay?” a concerned citizen yelled running to the injured Amira. Their mistake, Amira pulled out the paralyzing night and stabbed the pedestrian in the foot. Then, not even trying to be subtle (subtly was for an Amira who hadn’t just been shot at repeatedly in the past few minutes), she stole their cell phone and made a call.

RingRingRing *click*

“Q, it’s me Amira. Currently tracking a DB10 Aston Martin, probably from out of town, and I need a new ride. Yeah, just lost mine. I’m at the corner of 6th and 9th...Yeah nice I know. I need you to get here with some tools...and also a new change of clothes. And hurry.” A few minutes later, a large van arrived, stopping only long enough for the djinn that called it to grab her dagger and jump in the car.

Quincy was a computer virus that a hacker decided to use to try and hack their neighbor wizard’s computer in order to steal their apple pie recipe. Some might say that’s a waste for any halfway decent hacker’s abilities. The friends of this hacker would agree and would then conclude that this was the perfect challenge for their friend. Unfortunately for this hacker, the computer had magic flowing through it instead of electricity and thus caused the virus to change and evolve. It became self aware and decided it had better things to do with it’s time and left.

Being a living program designed to hack anything and with far less morals the a certain other sentient machine, Vera quickly found and brought the program under her coil where they quickly became the head of her technology developments division They also owed Amira a favor after she stopped them from drunkenly texting their ex which explains why they currently find themselves here picking up a damaged Amira in a van full of weapons while also tracking a car that, presumably, did this to her.

“Got to admit A, you look like shit.” Inside the van was a miniature robotics lab with walls lined with computers or guns with the center having a thin table with various inconspicuous objects on it. The Van also comes with an indoor hologram array to allow Quincey a “physical”. At present they were a large number of 2D rectangles of alternating colors of Blue and Red in a vaguely humanoid shape. And of course they had a lab coat on for no practical reason.

“Shut it Q.” Amira saw Q’s hands go up and mutter ‘fine, fine’ under their breath. There was always something interesting in this van, but what caught Amira’s eye was the black and white clothes that were on the wall, “You brought me a suit?”

“Well, yeah. You told me to bring you clothes and you made it VERY clear that I wasn’t allowed back in your apartment again,” Amira smiled at herself as she remembered her very colorful threat, “Anyway, that’s all I got. It should still fit you.” Amira shrugged. Never being the most modest woman, Amira began to take off her clothes. Unperturbed, Q continued, “As for these ‘tools’ you requested, since you were not specific, I just brought you a handful of things. First is a gun. I think I’ve finally managed to install a silencer into the actual gun. So it is compact and won’t make a sound. I also have this watch. It tells time and automatically changes time depending on your time zone...Oh don’t give me that look. Of course it does more. Twist this on the side until both hands turn twelve. The face will flip open and you’ll get a small capsule of acid. Just through it at something and it will dissolve basically anything that isn’t a vampire.”

“What? No! I’m chasing a Vampire!”

“Well, how was I supposed to know that? Anyway, as I was saying, I also have for you a box of Vera Breath Mints. They are all trackers,” Those weren’t specially made. Every Vera Breath Mint is a tracker, “And finally a pen. Click it four time quickly and it will be exposed in thirty seconds. Is that enough?”

Quincy looked up from the table to see Amira in a form fitting designer suit. Jet black pants and blazer with a pearl white dress shirt underneath with a black tie around her neck. She wore the suit well, like this was just her day to day clothing, priming with confidence, like she owned the world. Anyone who didn’t know her would assume she was one of many wealthy business people in the city. The only thing that could give her away otherwise was the fact that she elected to wear the flatfoots she had on earlier instead of the heels. Turns out she didn’t think she was going to like the rest of her day if she did it in heels. “I would have preferred acid that I could throw at her face, but it will have to do I guess. Where is the Martian?”

“It just parked outside of the old Governor's Mansion. It looks like your vampire just got out and walked into the building.”

“Great, let me know when we get there.” The car suddenly stopped, causing Amira losing her footing. She looks annoyed as her “pal” just chuckles.

“We’re here” Amira stood up in a huff and equipped herself with her newest gadgets. Fully loaded she stepped out of the van.

A few people stared at the woman who just stepped out of a van wearing a nice suit and walking with confidence. Some probably a bit longer than they should. Amira might have said something, but she didn’t have time. This jewel thief may have thought she lost her pursuer, but she still decided to put a forcefield around a building so no one could get out. Whatever reason she came here for, it was important. For others, that might make them cautious, but not Amira. No matter how much she mellowed out, the burnette was a fighter and she was Damn sure she was getting that jewel!

Chapter Text

The old Governor's Mansion was one of the oldest buildings in the city and oh boy was it hard to book. Even Vera, with her considerable influence, was unable to reserve out this property more than once. So the fact that the yellow vampire was here seemed a bit odd, but not one to deter the djinn from her goal. It did however mean that Amira didn’t know the place well, and didn’t feel like searching the whole building. Thankfully, a quick lie about being separated from her yellow friend was all the Griffin at the front desk needed to hear to point in the right direction, the large foyer up a small flight of stairs.

Amira approached the doors to the room with a little apprehension only for someone to open it from the inside. It seemed to be an old goblin with a clean pencil mustache and a nice suit. Glancing behind the goblin Amira could see what looked like a giant ballroom party happening. Who the fuck holds a face ballroom party in the morning before lunch!? (A fanfic writer who wants all these chapters to take place within an hour and decided to put the Amira adventure before the lunch chapter, that's who). The Goblin looks up, “Oh, yes madam. Are you here for the party?”

“...Yes, yes I am.”

“Excellent, would you like me to introduce you?” 

“No, that won't be necessary. I’m hoping to surprise someone.”

“I see, well. Believe it or not, you’re the second woman to say that to me today”

“Small world” Paying him no more mind, Amira walked in.

The party was lively. Well, as lively as these sorts of parties were. Mostly people mixing and mingling with each other. Introductions are being made, business cards exchanged. If there was a theme to this party, Amira might be either too late or early to figure out what it was. It only took a second before the djinn was able to locate her Yellow Vampire (who Amira decided to name Lemon since she’ll probably never get around to asking her name). During the scan she also picked up on a few people Amira recognized. Beppo of the Clown Mafia. SSSSSpencer of the SSSSSSSnake Gang. Jaria of Slim Pharmacies. Beppo (no relation) of Beppo’s Creamatorium (they offer both cremations for recently departed and delicious pastries). A number of these people were people Vera had contact with.

This was both a gift and a curse. It was a gift that let Amira know that this party wasn’t an elaborate ploy to lure her into a trap (a paranoid thought maybe, but not being paranoid is a luxury that she’s never been able to afford in life). It was a curse however that she might get ID'd and someone might think she was representing Vera which would lead to a whole host of problems, not the least of which was being the vampire might notice she’s still being followed. So no, Amira kept to the edge of the party, one eye on anyone who might recognize her and one eye on her Vampire.

And thus Amira watch. Lemon blended into the crowd fairly well engaging in light conversation as she went. It wasn’t until she got to SSSSSpencer that this changed. The two walked up to each other and shook hands. And then the conversation went on. Amira was too far away to pick it up, but she’d been around Vera for long enough. They were talking business.

Amira considered moving in a bit closer to piece out the conversation’s details only to be stop mid thought when she saw SSSSSpencer look over Lemon should, looking right at Amira. Lemon’s body leaned forward and SSSSSpencer quickly averted his eyes, glancing around the room gesturing his head towards Amira. Lemon then began to briskly walk away. Shit.

Amira looked around. It looks like Lemon was moving to the back door. A number of people were moving around, hard to tell on ground level who was actually moving towards her. Going slow? Yeah, that would be the smart thing to do. By the concessions table, Amira took out her pen, clicked it, and set it down. Time to flush them out.

Amira walked towards Lemon. Not even trying to hide. She reached behind her to the gun she had hidden, only to have her arm grabbed. “I won’t do that if I was you” Glancing back Amira recognized them as Calem the Skinless man. Amira never cared for him after the two met at a henchmen training program (the Program was a wild 3-6 weeks depending on player number where would be henchmen go to 5 different location in order to increase states all to become better henches for their bosses. What truly made it stressful however was that at the end of those 3-6 weeks it was happening, The Monster Ball. An event so important that if you had a crush on someone, you just HAD to take them there. And let’s face it, it was definitely going to be one of the 6 hottest henchmen running around. But that was nothing to worry about because Amira, along with Brian, Vicky, and Oz who were mostly there to expand their resume, were young and unafraid. And they were ready to start. And don’t worry. Couch was also there, although he seemed to think he was teaching driver’s ed). Amira never really liked Calem, mostly because despite not having skin, he still got himself 4 swastika tattoos, “And where do you think you're going?”

“Oh, nowhere in particular. Just thought I’d blow this stand.”

BOOM!!!

A giant explosion erupted from the table Amira just was. Those right next to the table currently found themselves in pieces with those a little bit away, such as Calem and Amira, being blasted by a sudden wave of fire and force. Thankfully Calem was kindly taking the majority for the force of the pen, Amira was both safe from the explosion and free from Calem (although she did kick him for good message. You should always kick Nazis). The rest of the party goers were not so victorious as those not caught in the explosions were now running for their lives. Once the crowd dispersed (or hiding in the corner to watch the coming fight), Amira was left in the room with two Minotaurs (the minotaurs were brothers who also attended the Henchmen Training Program although Amira never met them. The brothers did end up having a wakey adventure with Vicky however) staring her down. Amira simply smiled and gestured for them to approach.

The first of the brothers charged at the djinn, horns out. Amira simply leaped over him, letting the horns act as a base to spring off of. Having landed, Amira only had a second to notice the fist coming at her from the second minotaur. Thankfully, years of living at the edge of death for all of grade school had trained her to react to everything unreasonably fast. The second punch was equally easy to dodge. Unfortunately she was less successful at dodging the third punch to the back delivered by the previously charging bull. It quickly sent her to the ground. Before she could stagger back up to her feet she felt her feet lift in the air, followed by the rest of her body as she was dangled by the Minotur, “I’ll be honest, with such an opening, I thought you’d be more impressive.”

“Well, I share the sentiment.” Amira bent forward, adding a bit of flames to her fist as she punched the Bull man in the face. Quickly recoiling from the literal fire in his eyes, Amira fell once more to the floor, this time quickly bracing herself for the fall. The other Minotaur, seeing Red, decided to charge with horns out front. Instead of doing anything fancy Amira, Amira simply rolled over and let the charging bull do what it does best. Apparently in the djinn’s mind, the best thing a charging bull does is run right into his brother who was partly on fire, knocking both of them out (This is the 17 times Amira had seen this situation. Sometimes, she wasn’t even the one who started the fire). Looking back at the three unconscious fights, Amira straightened her tie and made her way after Lemon.

As Amira ran after Lemon, she took a moment to lock eyes with SSSSSpencer (who had stayed around to see the fight) and glare. It was clear to SSSSSpencer that the moment that fiery woman told her boss SSSSSpencer wouldn’t make it to his birthday next week. As such, as soon as Amira went through the back door the snake man ran out the front door to pack up his stuff and disappear. Years later he would find himself hiding out in a small village in France going by the name SSSSSamuel, always looking behind their shoulder, confident that if they ever drop their guard, Vera will be there with a knife in his back (in truth SSSSSpencer didn’t have anything to worry about. Amira would end up not remembering his little betrayal after the eventful day she had. At SSSSSpencer’s surprise birthday party, all the other gang leaders were confused as to where SSSSSpencer had gone. Even Vera was saddened by this disappearance, having gotten him a new rock to bask on. As it turns out, what SSSSSpencer really ran away from were the friends he made along the way).

As it turns out, the door Lemon ran to didn’t lead out the building but to a stairwell that only went up all the way to the roof. The roof itself was largely barren, with a few large AC units and the door leading up to the roof in the first place on one side of the roof. On the other was Lemon who just finished a phone call. She looked over to her roof guest and laughed, “I’ll be honest, I can’t decided if the fact that you’ve been following me is incredibly amusing or incredibly annoying”

“You sound like my high school crushes.” Amira said, cracking her knuckles. She looked up at Lemon, one hand had a phone being put away. The other empty, “I doubt you passed it off already. You probably wouldn’t have run this much otherwise.” Lemon reached into a jacket pocket and pulled out the prize.

“Yeah, you are right,” She tossed it in one hand and caught it with the other, “So, what are you hoping to use it for?”

“It’s a gift for my girlfriend,” Amira glances up, notices what looks like a helicopter coming this way. “But, I’ll be honest. You stole a thing from me. Can’t let that stand.”

“Pride. How unprofessional.” with reflexes equal to Amira’s own, Lemon pulled a gun out and fired. Amira was about to duck back into the stairwell, but she was grazed. Sure, it wasn’t her first bullet wound, but they are never fun. And what was worse was that she could now hear the blades of helicopter, “I’ve made up my mind djinn, I do think you are amusing. I thought for a second that I found someone else on the job. Someone I would have to report back to my boss, but no. You are just a pickpocket. This isn’t something worth making a report over. If anything it will just be fun coffee talk in the break room.” Any time Amira tried to poke her head out and counter, a bullet was fired in her direction. The helicopter was right on top of them now. Lemon was yelling now, “Well, this is my ride. I have to run.” Amira hear footsteps and took it as her opportunity to dash out herself. Sure enough the yellow vampire was now running towards a helicopter a few feet away from the roof.

Lemon got to one of the AC units and used it as a running step. She jumped, reaching for the landing gear. Just as she was centimeters away she suddenly felt a sudden piercing pain in her back. Fortunately, inertia still exists and this force was not enough to stop her mid jump, although it did cause her to lose the grip on her gun. Less fortunate was that even as she touched the railing she found she couldn’t grab it. She couldn’t clench her hand at all. She also suddenly became aware of the trouble she was having breathing right as gravity decided to take effect. Lemon began to fall. She hit the edge of the building, but was unable to react to the pain. She began to fall off the building only to feel a sudden tug on her arm. The sudden stop along with slamming onto the edge was enough to dislodge the paralysis dagger.

Amira had grabbed her now laying flat hanging over the edge, “Toss the jewel up Lemon, and I’ll pull you up. Who knows, I might even let you walk away.” The yellow vampire was about to respond, maybe even try to spit in her face until she processed what she said.

“That’s...that’s not my name” Before Amira could respond she felt the wind change. Looking up, the burnette saw the helicopter come back around, now coming towards her along the roof at a steep angle, blades swirling. With that moment of hesitation Lemon(?) started clawing her way up Amira’s arm. In response Amira began to ignite her arm, not enough to make her let go. Just slow the vampire down a tad. It seemed to have the desired effect, so with the extra second she pulled out her gun and aimed at the pilot.

*bang bang* One to the brain, one to the heart. The pilot slumped forward in the cockpit causing the helicopter to dip further down. The blades hit the root and began to shred causing the whole thing to turn away from Amira. Seeing a new opportunity, she didn’t waste any time. She used all her strength and pulled, throwing Lemon up and over towards the blade. Amira was hit with blood in her eye right after she heard something begin to cut.

Amira took a breath, set down her gun and began to wipe blood from her eyes with her sports coat. Doing that was going to ruin it, but oh well. It’s not like it was hers anyway. This respite was interrupted by a sudden kick to the face, sending Amira back a bit. She looked up, Seeing Lemon, one arm less, currently bleeding and looking pissed, “I take it back. You are beyond annoying.” Amira staggered up to her feet and Lemon took the chance to breathe. They locked eyes for only a second before running at each other.

And thus the punches and kicks begin. Despite being one arm less, Lemon was a professional. Her training had accounted for many different things and experience had taught even more. Even with one arm gone and currently losing a lot of blood, she was a damn good fighter. Most people wouldn’t be able to survive her, even like this, but Amira wasn’t most people. He had been a fighter all her life. While she hasn’t had the same training Lemon has, she has been in more scraps then most. And she has learned from every single one of them. She knew how to read people in a fight. Like right now, she knew Lemon was trying to take the fight closer to her gun. Amira couldn't stop her from moving that way. Stop fighting and she runs. Try to run herself, Lemon gets there first. All Amira can do now is keep close and be ready to grab the gun first.

Their fight almost looked like a dance. Both moving so well in sync with each other, one might think it was rehearsed. That is not to say they were only moving around each other. Several times, they collided and the force was apparent, just as well as the other’s ability to take it. If anyone was watching it would be a truly amazing fight. And unbeknownst to either fighter, they were in fact being watched by a man in a suit. He had a camera pointed at the two, making sure to capture it all. Even with that attentive eye however, not even he noticed Amira grab something from within her watch during a kick.

The kick itself sent Lemon back a bit yet away from the gun. She seemed to catch on to Amira’s desire to also reach the gun. And quickly made up the distance before Amira could make a run for it. The rush caught Amira off guard and tumbled back a bit, still on her feet, but uncomfortably close to the gun now. They were back in close quarters. They both knew at this point whoever faltered first would lose. Lemon wasn’t worried however. They were both good martial artists, but she was confident she was the better one. And while she may have been correct, Amira was the better fighter and survivor. Amira jabbed with her right arm which was easily deflected. Although it did exactly what she wanted it to do, distanced Lemon for a second. Amira unclenched her left hand and something hit the ground.

Lemon didn’t notice however, seeing this as her chance. She brought her knee up slamming into Amira and causing air to escape. She brought her foot down to gain leverage to another attack only to find no footing. Amira smiled as she looked at the confusion on Lemon's face as she inadvertently stepped into the whole her watch acid had made. Amira didn’t look for long however as she rolled over to the gun, grabbed it, and fired it at the vampire. She didn’t get back up after her fall.

Amira took a breath. The vampire death didn’t do much to Amira’s relief. She walked over to the body and began rummaging through the pockets. It had been a while since Amira searched the pockets of a dead body. It made the djinn feel nostalgic. Maybe she should take Aaravi up on her next offer to go grinding. Finally she got to what she was looking for, the blue/green jewel. It had a little dent in it now, but that was fine. Dents make for stories, and stories make things cost more.

Amira looked down at herself with a ripped and singed jacket, bruises on her face, and covered in blood. While she could easily still go to the con as is, she decided to make a pitstop first. She pocketed the jewel and went on her way, unaware of the man a building away how just clicked stop on his camera.

It was a longer walk to her destination then the shop, but she knew it would be worth it. Amira walked into a familiar shop greeted by a friendly, “Hey there. Welcome to the shop, how can I-Amira, what are you doing here? I thought you’d be at the Con all weekend with the color squad.” The cat girl jumped over the counter to see her girlfriend, “Not that I’m complaining. You always did look good in a suit, even as beat up as you are now.” Amira gave a cheeky smile reaching into her pocket.

“Here, I got you something.” She tossed the jewel to her girlfriend which she caught with ease, examed, and then jaw dropped, “Like it? You can keep it, but I thought you might have a buyer in mind for it.”

“Red, you sure know a way into a woman’s heart.”

“What can I say? It’s a talent.” Amira then turns around, flipping the sign on the door to close, “Also I’ve had a long hour. You free right now?” she leaned in. And thus the two locking the door to the shop and having began copious amounts of sex as would be expected of a James Bond homage.

A video file stopped playing on a laptop. The large man who the laptop belongs to simply looks at the screen. He took a sip of his drink. He wasn’t worried by what he saw. More...confused. It wasn’t like stuff like this hasn’t happened before. His organization exists in a dangerous line of work. Even losing Cassidy wasn’t the most surprising thing in the world. But how it happened, that’s what was baffling him. No attempt to interrogate or torture. It almost seems like this other woman didn’t know who she was up against, but that couldn’t be the case. She was far too skilled to not at least be dipping into their world. He took another sip, “Do you know who she is?” The only other man in the room nodded.

“Amira Rashid. A fire djinn. She’s apparently a high ranking member of the Oberlin crime organization.” The boss spined the whiskey in his cup.

“Vera Oberlin.” He’d been aware of the gorgon's rise in power even while she was in high school. It was impressive, and she certainly had potential. Not in their organization of course. The snake woman was the type of person who wanted the world to know her, yet so powerful that she was basically untouchable. A lofty goal to be sure, but she might be able to do it. That means she wasn’t really ever going to be allowed with him. However somewhere down the line she might be a useful tool. But this perspective was shifting. He had never heard of Amira Rashid before today. Not only was she so high in these ranks, but she was apparently skilled enough to match with their own. Was the Gorgon trying to branch out? Did she know she had competition? And where on earth did this Rashid come from?

He turned over to the agent in the room. “How many people have seen this?”

“Just myself and you sir.” The agent knew the meaning behind the question, but didn’t seem to phase him. The boss took another sip, set down his glass, and took out a gun.

“Well, we can’t have the information out that our organization has a kink in it.” There was a pause. The agent simply stood there as the boss took another sip. “I’d never ask another man to kill himself, but I will leave that decision up to you.” The agent stepped forward.

“Please allow me sir.” he reached out his hand and took the gun with no fan fair. He took a few steps back and put the gun under his jaw, “May The Circle forever be.” and fired. The boss walked over, picked up the gun and began to clean it. He pressed a button on his desk.

“We have a body to dispose of in my office.” There was no response. Didn’t really need one. He knew he was heard, “Also get someone to Monsteropolise. I want someone learning everything they can about Vera Oberlin’s organization.” With his message given and the gun cleaned, he restarted the video. Oberlin was worth watching, but something in his gut told him that this person was the one to keep an eye on. Amira Rashid, just who were you?

He looked up from his computer and out his window. His eyes were sharp, looking intently at something, as if only someone with his years of experience and wisdom could even conceive. He reached down and pressed the button again, “Also it seems someone is narrating me. Figure out who that is and have them killed”

OH SHIT!

Chapter Text

Of friends present at the con, it was clear that Vicky and Oz were the responsible ones of the group. As such, it was their job, along with Brian who was with the two (remember that? Four chapters ago? When I said in one sentence that they were hanging out together? Well this was the build up baby! LUNCH!), to get to the food court first and find their group a table. Apparently even an hour before lunch was too late as the food court was already packed. And not just the normal kind of packed, but there was barely enough space for them to squeeze into packed. This presented a problem, but one Vicky thought she had a simple solution for.

“What if we just go out to eat? Or Oz can teleport out and get us some grub? I’d split the cost with you and we can just get everyone else to reimburse us.” Oz liked the idea, always willing to be the go for of the group, only for Brain to yawn and put a stop to that.

“Not going to work.”

“Really, how come?”

“Cause,” Brain took a casual sip of his water, “Damien was saying last night he was really looking forward to have lunch here today”

Last night:

“Brian! I’m telling you, I cannot wait to have lunch at the food court tomorrow!” The prince of the 8th circle of hell was presently walking around his bedroom that he shared with his boyfriend. Said boyfriend looked up from his phone game with a confused look.

“...Why?”

“I don’t know man. I’m just pumped for it. More than the Pokemans tournament! More than the Nathan Sharp concert! More than the Bank Heist! I can’t wait to eat at that food court man!” Damien just on his bed, laying down but still having his fists in the air. Brian could feel Damien’s excitement. The temperature always rises when Damien is excited. 

“Wait, a Bank Heist?” 

“I’m telling you Brian! I just want to eat at the food court tomorrow for lunch! If I don’t, I think I’ll just burn down the whole convention!” And then Damien fell asleep.

“Wait, a Bank Heist?” said Oz, having just heard Brian’s story. The question was ignored.

“Well, that wouldn’t be so bad right? I mean, we’d all still have lunch?”

“No, that wouldn’t be it,” Oz countered, “Zoe has been looking forward to this Con for months. If it ended only a few hours in, she might actually destroy the world”

“Yeah, but even then, that might not be so bad. I mean we have your shadow dimension, Zoe’s chaos dimension, and Damien’s hell. We’d all be fine. I guess I just don’t see what would be the major downside.” Oz couldn’t really fault her on that logic, seeing as her shadowy friend didn’t have a rebuttal, Vicky took out her phone to prepare to call a Chinese place for take out only to be stopped by Brian. 

“Scott will be sad.”

“Oh right! Oz, you weren’t here yet, but Scott was really excited to have lunch in a cafeteria with all of us again. We can’t go through with this! I can’t look at those puppy dog eyes and tell him no! I CAN’T!” Tears were beginning to form on Vicky’s face just from thinking about it.

“No, no. You’re right. We can’t.” Oz said, whipping away the tears of his own, “That, that just leaves us with one option.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” The tears on her face had dried (evaporated away due to electric sparks), Now the blue woman looked into the crowd with determination in her eyes, “We have to clear out the room.” Vicky looked to Oz for comradery and with a nod the fearling gave it a nod in confirmation, “Brian, any ideas?” Brian had fallen asleep next to the wall with earbuds in, “Oz, any ideas?”

“We could go the Damien route and kill everyone?” 

“No, that would just make everyone lie on the ground. We need to get them out.”

“What if we smoke them out then?” 

“Oh, I like that idea. Got anything that smokes well in that bag of yours?” 

“...no.”

“Dangit” Vicky glanced at Oz, who seemed to be losing confidence. “I like the smoke idea tho, maybe something adjacent.” They both thought on this for a minute before turning to each other. 

“Do you still have that number for Zoe’s cult?”

“Yep, and as their prophet they still follow my every order. Do you still have to address of that toxic waste that Wanda came from?”

“Yep. Zoe and I went on a date there last month. It has a nice glow.”

Vicky and Oz locked eyes with each other. They were in sync in a way their partners could only dream, “WE HAVE TO MAKE THE ROOM UNINHABITABLE” Vicky started calling her work force (she preferred that to cult) and Oz teleported away. After the phone call and returning with a large glowing canister they nodded at each other and went into the room. Brian, having woken up from his minor nap, simply watched the two head into the room.

“Hey Big Green!” Brian glanced up from his phone and was greeted by a wide smile.

“Hey Amira” Brian gave a soft smile and scooted over. Amira took the hint and sat down with her buddy. The wide smile never left her face, “I know that look. Someone just got laid. That why Zoe not with you?”

“Yeah, had to head out of the con for a bit, and I thought I’d stop by V’s. Although I think Zoe’s still on the show floor. What about you? Did you fall asleep and Oz and Vicky just left you?”

“No, well kind of?” Brian pointed a thumb towards the food court, “They went in there to get us a table. I think they are working to create some sort of nuclear accident in there to clear people out. They seemed pretty excited about the whole thing.”

“Dang, I’m sorry I missed it. The dorks are adorable when they just start hyping each other up. Like when they tracked down that serial killer. Or when they made that scrap book last year.” Those were actually the same event. They originally set out to solve the case, but when they were investigating they found a scrap book of a family that was brutally murdered. Vicky liked the idea so much that they dropped the case and did a weekend long scrapbook project with Oz. Still, the serial killing stopped that weekend, so the two still got credit (the killer was actually Jerry. His house in the woods was being fumigated for termites so he was spending a few weeks in Monsteropolis and took his work with him). 

Vicky came running out of the crowd. Her hair was now pulled back and she had goggles and a lab coat on, “Hey, Brian. Sorry, but this is really important. Do you have anything very acidic like hydrochloric acid or battery acid?” 

“Nope, can’t say I do” said Brain. Amira, not wanting to be left out of any conversation ever, made her presence known.

“Hey Vicky, don’t you literally have a car battery in your backpack?”

“Pttish, yeah, but I need way more than that Amira.” Vicky passed and looked down having just noticed something. Then her face lights up as a few stray sparks release from her neck, “Amira! You’re here! This is great! Oh, this changes everything!” The blue woman turned around and ran back into the room pushing past nerds, “OZ! CHANGE OF PLANS!” The other two just sat there as their friend disappeared. Another minute passed before either said anything.

“Wait, are you wearing a suit?” asked Brian

“Had a busy hour.” Amira responded 

“There's a lot of blood on it.”

“Yeah, but most of it isn’t mine.”

“Well that’s good at least.” There was a pause after that as no words really passed between them. This was basically how conversations between the two of them really went. Back and forth followed by long silences. It was good for Amira really, not letting her fire burn out too quickly. Brian’s presents did just kind of relax people. Although, Amira does like to poke the fire to agitate people every now and then. 

“Hey, you have your Switch on you right?” Amira said, reaching into her own bag past the emergency fire extinguisher (Amira didn’t start carrying around a fire extinguisher until the semester before almost everyone went to Camp Spooky. During a rave at Polly’s house, the djinn was making out with Scott only for some of her hair to brush next to his. Damien would late say, with a single tear going down his face and wonder in his eyes, he’d never seen a monster catch fire so quickly).

“If you’re trying to scout out my strategy for tomorrow then I’m not letting”

“That’s fine, like I need anything extra to win against you.” She smirked, he sighed through a smile. It was good for Brian to have a fire poked under him every now and then. 

“You don’t stand a chance” Brian was reaching into his own bag now only to be stopped by someone coming towards them. 

Vicky runs up to the two chatting. She seems to have lost the lab coat at some point, but was now carrying… Amira’s electric guitar? “Guys, come on. Our show is starting in a few minutes! You need to get on stage” Vicky points back behind her and the zombie and djinn look back and see a stage has now been built in the corner. Oz was currently there trying to do a mic check. Vicky handed Amira the guitar.

“How did you get my guitar?”

“I had Oz steal it from your apartment a minute ago, same with Brian’s drums. Now come on!” Vicky grabs both of them by the wrist, lifts them both up, and begins to pull them along. Both know it is better not to fight this. Brian still felt the need to ask.

“What happened to your biological warfare plan?”

“Oh please! That was minutes ago. Plans change. Now come on! Let’s knock their socks off!” Seeing as this was their life now, Brian and Amira stopped being dragged and got into place on stage. Oz assured them all that their equipment was ready and let them know what set they were playing. Once her bandmates were ready Vicky got up to the mic, “Hello everybody! We are the Player Character! And I hope you enjoy your mid lunch show!” The band then proceeded to a play set with so many powerful subliminal messages that most people had left halfway through to buy Apple Stock or Join the Military (although this set was originally made as a birthday gift for Miranda, so it was specifically to join the Merkingdom Army and since most people there can't breath under water they drowned. But they still left the food court so mission accomplished).

The first person to arrive at the recently evacuated food court was Scott  who ran ahead the moment he realized what time it was. Damien was after that. He told everyone that their training was a success as Damien finally unlocked Gear Second which he was more than happy to demonstrate for the group. It was very impressive. Unfortunately, as Vicky reminded him, the fight tomorrow was for a video game competition and thus Gear Second was fairly useless. In Response Damien flipped a table and destroyed a Subway (the restaurant. Not an underground train). Next to arrive was Polly who was oddly sober for 11:43 in the morning. Apparently she was at a wine tasting where the feature was her own toilet wine. 5 people died which she considered a success (was it a success because 5 was less than last time, or more then last time, or the exact number she was aiming for? Who can say?). The last to arrive was the eldritch cutie who made her presence known instantly, “AMIRA!!!” The djinn just realized that she went on her adventure without a mention to her buddy. And didn’t find her once it was over. “That was AMAZING!!!”...wait what?

“...wait what?” Amira looked at the purple girl who seemed ready to jump off the wall. 

“I saw the whole thing! That was incredible! The case, the tracking, the fight, the fight after that one!”

“How did you see the whole thing?”

“Easy. I see everything.” Amira suddenly became aware of a sensation of being watched. Everyone did actually. It turned out to be the Interdimensional Prince, but they chased him off with a swam of bees, a pike-axe covered in jelly, and an absurdly large handbag. Really, it wasn’t that interesting. Don’t even know why I brought it up cause no one else will after this point. “That’s actually why I’m late! I wanted to commemorate the awesomeness.” Zoe reached into a portal she just summoned and pulled out a drawing and hand to Amira, “One of my favorite artists on tumblr was at artist alley and I commissioned them to draw it.”

“Damn, this is really sweet. Thanks Zoe.” Zoe smiled and sat next to her boyfriend who had already gotten her a burrito from a legally distance Taco Bell. 

Brian leaned over at looked at the picture, "Isn't that what you wore to prom?"

"I didn't have any other refence photos Brian!" Zoe yelled from across the table.

“Soooooo” Polly enjoyed times like this, where the SOs of the color squad hung out without them. It was fun to have little talks about them behind their back, and sense they’ve all gone to get all the hamburgers A&W can make, that left Polly alone with them. Also Scott was there too, “anyone got any fun stories to tell since we last spoke?”

“OOOHHH OOOOOHHHHH! Damien can make steam come out of his body and I can summon a toad!” Scott replied, happy that he successfully answered the question. 

“Aw, that’s great big guy” She scratched Scott behind the ears and his tail wagged, “But I was thinking,” She looked over towards her fellow romance options, “anything fun or exciting happening between our special someones?” Damien was about to let out a groan only to be beaten to it by Zoe. “That’s not a sound I normally hear from you Boo. What’s wrong with you and Ozzy?”

“Nothing really, he’s just keeping a secret from me right now. And I know it’s fine, but I want to know!” 

“You want me to ask him for you? Whether through arousal or fear, he’s always honest with me.” Damien asked as he took out a ball to play fetch with Scott. 

“Nooooooo. I’m just curious! He’ll tell me soon. I just want it to be sooner!” Zoe whined out of all her mouths. Damien just laughed as he leans back in his chair. 

“You see, that’s what’s great about me and Brian no secrets. No problems! It’s the benefit of being in a relationship as long as we have” Oh yes, Damien and Brian’s relationship...okay look. I would do a flash back to it, but it’s really not that interesting. Brain asked Damien out. He said yes. End of story really. 

“Oh, really?” Polly leans into Damien. His confidence stance cracks a bit, “Are you suuuuuuuurrree you don’t have anything going on?”

“Yeah...w-why? What have you heard?” 

“Oh, nothing yet,” Poly floated a bit up in the air, “Hey Bri-” and was swiftly pulled down with a hand over her mouth by Damien. 

“Okay. After that, I’m super curious now! You have to give us something!” Zoe was on the edge of her set, Poly nodded in agreement, and Scott was still looking for the ball Damien threw. 

“Okay fine” Damien let go of Polly, both girls now leaning in incase Damien whispers it, “I use to, and I haven't in awhile, but every now and then, confuse Brian with other people. Well, one person specifically. But it hasn’t happened in a long while so it is basically fixed.” Damien said in a huff, arms crossed and eyes definitely closed. He was expected to laugh or taunt of some kind. Instead he just saw two dumbfounded looks staring at him.

“You do that too?” Zoe finally managed to say

“Y-Yeah,” confidence was beginning to return to Damien, “You guys know Noodles?” The two women unbound by time nodded, “Now, imagine Noodles and Brian together.” They thought for a second before all eyes went wide.

“OMG! THEY DO LOOK THE SAME” Zoe Exclaimed!

“They’re basically twins!” Polly confirmed

“I know right!” Damien said, feeling about as validated as when his dads saw his potential as a hairstylist, “Like, back during summer camp a while back, I was walking through the woods, and I saw someone green riding on top of a bear. So we hung out, I showed them my survival skills, we made out, it was a fun time. But it wasn’t until they got off the bear and they were no longer at eye level that I realized it wasn’t Brian at all!” 

“OH! Dames! The same thing happened to me!” Polly said, drawing all eyes to her, “It was like last weekend. I was doing my all weekend pub crawl and Vicky said she couldn’t come which is cool! But then we were at our third party, and I saw who I thought was Vicky walk over to join our group!”

“Wait, that wasn’t Vicky?” Zoe interjected, “Then who was it?”

“It was Susanne, you know, that storm elemental!”

“No way”

“Way! I didn’t realize it wasn’t Vicky until Vicky texted me the next day while Susanne was right in front of me! At first I thought it was just whatever the fuck I just snorted, but when I asked Not Vicky they said she wasn’t Vicky at all! Spooky.” Everyone agreed that it was quite spooky and it turns out Zoe also had a story

“I get Abdu confused with Oz all the time! Like, look over there” Zoe pointed her hand to the far side of the food court at a black skinned monster monster with dreadlocks, bandages, and a yellow jacket currently doing an incredibly impressive kickflip over some tables, “Like, is that Oz or Abdu? It’s impossible to tell!” 

“It’s Abdu!” Scott had made his way back to the table, seemingly given up on finding the ball and now in possession of a very big stick. Polly was about to throw it for him when Zoe stopped her. 

“Wait, it is? How can you tell?”

“They smell different! Abdu smells like decay and barbeque chip and Oz smells like pennies and fear!” Other emotions werewolves can spell are anger, greed, hope, compassion, and second hand embarrassment.

“Dang, now I want chips” Polly lamented. 

“No Noobs! Don’t you see! This could be the solution to our problems! We’ve been relying too much on our sense of sight to interact with the world! We need to go beyond! We need to master the sense of smell, just as our werewolf has! Thanks Scott!”

“Yeah! I helped. Now throw the stick!” And the stick was thrown as they went onto skillshare to find a course on smelling out their friends.

“Excuse me?” Amira and Oz looked to where the voice was coming from only to be greeted by a tall lanky drow man with his hair pulled back into a ponytail. He had on all black leather that seemed to be a mix of a leather suit and a flowing cape. On top of the cape sat two large swords far too big to be practical. The man also seemed to have Heterochromia as one eye was purple and the other was red. From his eyes were streaks of eye shadow running down his face. The lines were too clean to have been from tears. Oz was of course intimated while Amira was bemused, “But I’m looking for someone and I heard they might be here. They are a fellow tortured soul, with a warmth that only I can reach….And that warmth is the only things that can save me from the darkness that sorrows me….the darkness and the rage! And so I must find them. All others have abandoned me! Called me a freak. A Monster! She is the only one who has ever understood the tragic tale of my life. You see, it all started when-” 

“Okay, I’m going to cut you off there. You’re freaking out my friend a bit. So leave now.” Amira said stepping in between the strange elf and Oz

“Oh of course. You would try to get me to leave. You are not the first woman to scorn me. All women have, except...except my beloved.” the strange man looked off in the distance as he continued his monologue. Amira walked away to look for a broom to whack him with while Oz just stood there trying to find a way to leave. “Oh yes, it feels so strange! To not be with her at every moment! It feels like I’ve known her my whole life, although that cannot be true. My life had no light, no joy, no hope until she arrived. I was always an outcast in my clan, Always feared because of my eyes and wings of black feathers. But I cannot help the fact that I am the child of a drow nobleman and a fallen angel. My life was only shadows, until at last I saw that spark-Ow!” Amira had returned with a broom, and began smacking the Hot Topic rewards member until he finally gave up and left. Amira turned around to one of her best friends with the broom over her shoulder. 

“So, that was weird? Wasn’t he one of Joy’s evil exs?”

“Gerard? No, there weren't enough MCR references, although given the eyeliner they might follow the same makeup tutorials.” Oz turned back to the growing pile of burgers and gave a quick count, 67. More seemed to be on the way, “Who do you think he was talking about anyway? Someone we know?” Amira shrugged

“Don’t know. Maybe Polly. Brian and Vicky don't really share things from their undead club, but I can read between the lines. She’s gone through some stuff. Still, he didn’t seem like someone who’d like Polly.”

“Maybe Joy or Liam then? They seem like they’d fit in the same crowd.” Oz suggested.

“I could see that. But Joy has been trying to move away from people like that.”

“True. And Liam might just hate someone like him if he thinks he’s trying too hard.”

“Or he would idolize him.” Amira gave a sly smile. Oz paused thinking about that, yet couldn’t find any fault with it. Amira then gave a small chuckle, “Maybe it’s your ray of sunshine girlfriend. Maybe she is his fellow tortured soul.”

“Hey, Zoe’s been through a lot. It could totally be her.” Oz, agreed that it probably wasn’t Zoe, but as her boyfriend he felt he needed to defend her honor to be angsty. Amira just laughed at Oz’s bravado.

“Hahaha, yeah. You’d probably know best on that subject” Oz decided to ignore the laughter and consider this a victory in boldness, “How are things between you two anyway?”

“Oh, yeah. We’re good. Things are really good.”

“Awesome, but remember, if she ever isn’t treating you right then just let me know,” Amira cracks her knuckles, “I’ll take care of it”

“A-Amira!” Oz suddenly went into a mild panic, “Please don’t beat up my girlfriend” Whether Oz had forgotten the fact that his friend was a moral and his girlfriend was a god, or if he legitimately thought Amira could win that fight was impossible to tell. Amira just laughed.

“Dude, I’m just joking. Seriously, you two are great together. I’m glad you two found each other.”

“Y-yeah! Me too!” Oz looked out over the food court to his table. Sitting there was his girlfriend looking intently at something Damien was saying. It was easy to pinpoint what first caught his eye about Zoe, and no. Despite what a lot of people thought it wasn’t the fact that they were both basically gods (although that certainly helped in the long run). Instead, it was her boldness. Despite the incredibly shy monster that he was, Oz had to admit that he was always attracted to boldness. His three best friends were always willing to jump out of their comfort zones. And all his crushes throughout Spooky High, Damien, Vera, Polly, Liam, heck even Aaravi if camp was of any indication. They were all people who knew who they were and weren’t going to let anyone else tell them who to be. Just like Zoe. 

“Hey my fellow Yellow. How you doing?” But Zoe is more than that. She has so much kindness in her. Sure, Oz’s other crushes did too, but that was after knowing them for years and REALLY working on it. Zoe, in contrast, was friendly right away. The moment she learned Oz had nerdy hobbies she went all in to understand and enjoy them with Oz. It’s hard to describe how much that can mean to someone who feels shame by default, “...Hey, he’s not responding. The Fearling okay?”

“Yeah, they’re just thinking about how lucky they are, probably specifically with Zoe. It’s adorable, but he completely zones out when he does this. Just give him a minute. So, how you doing Abdu?”

And from there a friendship developed. But it wasn’t a big flashy friendship. Oz never became the profit of the Cult of Zoe. That was Vicky (apparently she still has a group chat with them and will sometimes give them wisdom). Oz didn’t free Zoe from her Totem and then admittedly asked her out to prom. That was Brian (when Oz asked how Brian swallowed a totem Brain demonstrated and everyone who saw couldn’t sleep for a week). Instead, his moments were smaller. Oz was there for Zoe when people didn’t accept her identity. Oz was there to go on Cons with Zoe. And they would just spend hours together, reading and writing. Not so much interacting, but just living. And for the timid Oz, being able to share those quiet moments with someone so Bold and Caring means the world. They also dunked on Leonard a lot! And that’s always a great bonding experience (After the two got together they realized just how much Leonard was a part of what got them so close. As such they decided to send him a thank you letter to Leonard saying that without him a gender fluid man and a trans gender woman would never have found love together. And as thanks they also sent a signed copy of Zoe’s first published book and some deodorant. They heard after reading it he had an aneurysm. The couple now celebrate an Aneurysm Anniversary) 

And like a Slowpoke a few minutes later, Oz finally realized that someone talked to him, “Hu wha?” Looking away from the love of his life, Oz notices a new person has found their way over to Amira and himself, a large, well built mummy with a yellow jacket and skateboard, “Oh, Hey Abdu. How are you?”

“Doing good, Fellow Yellow. Doing good. Just wanted to let you know, saw Zoe earlier today, she thought I was you. She said Cal, Aaravi, and Hex invited you all out to their food truck for dinner tonight, so don’t be surprised.” 

“Okay. Thanks Abdu.”

“No prob,” Abdu set down his board and stepped on, “Got to go. Later Fellow Yellow, Fire Red.” Oz waved goodbye as Amira turned to Oz with an eyebrow raised. 

“Wait, how did Zoe confuse you and Abdu? And why are you taking this so calmly.”

“Well, this happens all the time.” Oz explained, “Same with Vicky and Susanne or Brian and Noodles. They usually just text us when something happens so we can keep up. Has Valerie never confused you and Sawyer?”

“I don’t know if they’ve ever met each other.”

“Weird”

“So Dames?” Damien looked over to his boyfriend, “How is the food? Is it everything you hoped it would be?” Damien looked down at his meal and shrugged

“Yeah, it’s okay. I’ve had better.” He took another bit of his burger, “It’s funny really. I don’t know why I was so excited last night. Never even been here before. But dang, I was ready to burn this place down. Still kind of want to though…” Brian shrugged, returning to his burger, glad he hid Damien’s fire kit last night.

Eventually, lunch ended for the group, but as the second wave of lunch goers began to arrive. They all stayed together until they got back to the main convention building. After a quick right after lunch snack for Scott (during the check this morning, Oz accidently put his bag of Scott Snacks at the bottom of his bag, so he had to sit down and take everything out in order to feed the already hungry Scott) the group divided up once more. Zoe and Oz went on a panel run with a long list of places to be until tonight. Polly and Scott decided to do some Prank Masterz stuff. Brian and Amira decided to head back to the shops as Amira got distracted by something earlier. Vicky tried to do something with Damien as they were the odd ones out only for him to respond “Can’t. Robbing a bank” So Vicky decided to wander around on her own for a bit. And thus they all went their separate ways, ready to take on the rest of the day.

Little did they all know, they had missed something as they walked away from their importune snack break. A detail that was not missed by an individual looking in their direction at the time. A smile began to creep over their face as they walked forward. Behind the figure, another specular figure emerged from him visible to only him. 

Chapter Text

It was in the line to get into the Great British Baking Show fandom panel that Oz finally noticed something was wrong. A quiet nervousness began to take him over in the line, a mood that Zoe quickly caught on to. “What’s up Ozzie?”

“I-I-I l-ost m-my…” Oh, that makes sense. Oz has been very specific about keeping his backpack in order. No wonder he’s nervous. He must have misplaced something, but really he probably just put it somewhere in his backpack that it wasn’t supposed to be. Well, I guess it’s time for the perfect girlfriend to come to the rescue. 

“Oh Ozzie, it’ll be fine. Come on, I’ll help you look. Now turn around. I’ll give it a once over.” She did not wait for a response as she just picked up fear with a tentacle and spun him around only to see his backside, “...Oz, you don’t have your backpack.”

“I...I know! I think I left it in the lobby downstairs. Zoe! H-how are we going to get our bag back. What if someone takes our map, or money, or extra water bottles!? What if someone does want my autograph!?” Oh no, Oz was beginning to panic.

“Hey now, don’t worry” Zoe finally puts him down, “We still have a while until the panel starts. We can go, get the bag, and still get back in line!” 

“N-no we can’t. If we get out of line we’ll never get back in it.” Zoe wanted to refute that, but they were probably right about that. The Great British Baking Show Fandom is notorious for being incredibly vicious. In this line, Zoe and Oz are the smallest monsters present with the rest of the line being taken up with Orcs and Giants wearing leather from head to toe (but not in a sexy way [unless that’s what you’re into then you are valid]) and all holding some sort of weapon (the only reason Zoe and Oz are in fact as far in the line as they are now is because an argument stated up earlier about who the best hosts were. The losing faction had to be carted out for either a doctor or morgue). It was doubtful anyone here would let them keep their spot. Luckily, there was a fairly simple solution to this problem, and all it required was a quick phone call for Zoe. 

“...Hey, Blue. Just checking, you’re just con walking right now?... Great, I have a favor to ask. Oz left his bag back where we fed Scott...Yeah, there. We're currently in line for a panel...aaaannnd it looks like it just started moving. Could you be amazing, find it, and hold on to it for a bit until the panel let’s out?...It'll be about an hour long...Yep, Peacock Theater...Great! Thank Blue…” Zoe hangs up the phone and looks over to Oz, “Vicky’s got it.”

“...No Problem Purple.” Vicky had tried before to call all of her extended friend group with colors, but it only really stuck with her main three friends (It of course didn’t help that a number of them shared colors and Damien was VERY upset when he was first called ‘Different Red’). Although Zoe seemed to appreciate it whenever she was called Purple. Vicky thinks it makes her feel included. 

This is good. Just walking around is boring for Vicky. Sure, she could chill. She could take it slow, but that’s not really her style. Having goals, having places to be, that’s much better. And it involved helping a friend. Even Better! So it was left at the lower convention floor, that’s not in the same building she currently finds herself in. But that's fine. The Quest for OZ’s bag is now a go!

The quest wasn’t going great so far. Turns out, a lot of monsters go to the biggest monster convention in the world. So it took her a bit of time to get to the right building, and then to the right floor, and then to the right spot. It wasn’t as if it was difficult, just annoying. The annoyance would only grow however once the Frankenstein's Monster saw the bag, or more specifically saw the person going through the bag. They appeared to be some sort of tall lanky Imp with wings too small to be practical, and they were currently rummaging through Oz’s bag muttering, “How the hell did he pack this thing so dense?”. This would not do.

“Hey!” Vicky yelled out, although sudden yells were not uncommon in the world so no one, not even Mr. The Bag Thief over there looked up. Still, having someone invade her friends privacy and then ignore quickly drove her over the edge as she charged him, giving him a quick kick in to the face (Vicky had always been known as being fairly well mannered if not a little sporadic from time to time, however those who knew her could tell you the electric blue woman could turn up any of her emotions to eleven at the drop of a hat. She probably got it from her mom. After all this was a woman who when learning she couldn’t adopt a child decided to steal a number of corpses and make her own. The Schmidts never did anything in half measures), knocking him away from the bag. He looked up while righting himself. He rubbed his jaw as a bruise began to form. Vicky loomed over him, “I don’t appreciate you looking through my best friend’s bag.” 

The Imp stood up. He was about as tall as Vicky, and didn’t seem to have any worries about the woman that could knock him on his ass, “Look babe, I’m doing something important, so why don’t you run along and don't interrupt me when I'm working.” Before Vicky could respond, she suddenly felt her windpipe squeezed as she began to lift up in the air. Although looking down, it seemed no one was there. The Imp smiled and went back to the bag.

Vicky flailed a little. Something was here! Aside from the fact that she was being lifted, she felt an arm in front of her. So it wasn’t physic power. It was a something! With the realization, Vicky condensed her body and lifted her legs out, then she kicked with all her might at where she thought was a head would be. And she did find one, only it didn’t react at all. All that happened was the Imp chuckled, “Oh please, if you were any real threat to me, you would know that a mire kick wouldn’t work.” Seemingly finding what he was looking for, he pulled out a strange looking arrow from the bag, “It’s rare to find one of these. Quite dangerous,” He tossed it in the air only for it to be stopped, presumably by the invisible figure, “Now, if I’m going to be interrupted like this, I believe I should go elsewhere. But here, a parting present so you don’t let others follow.” The Imp dramatically turned away as the arrow lunged into Vicky’s electrically charged heart. She felt her body begin to lose feeling and her eyesight began to fade. She barely recognized that she dropped and hit the ground. Despite this however, she had one last thought before she lost consciousness, ‘I won’t let this guy get away with Oz’s bag!’.

If she was in better shape, she might have noticed a new figure standing over her. And all the while everyone in the crowd simply walked around the soon to be once more corpse. Cause despite how incredibly progressive monster society is, it is still full of dicks who don’t care when people are stabbed in public.

Arthur Clark Danniel Clark was an Imp on a mission at the Monster Con. He woke up this morning, confident that this is where he could finally find something to achieve his dreams, his ambitions. Sure, it might seem strange to to go to an Anime, Gaming, and General fandom Convention in search for a great power, but do keep in mind that a giant spy organization sent an agent here, the prince of hell was walking around, a manifestation of death was holding a pan later for there new book, and two gods older than time arrived earlier today. At that point, it is not unfair to think that the key to unlimited power might be here. Unfortunately the imp had no luck. All he had managed to accomplish was getting in a fist fight with some Samurai Iron Man cosplayer who had a cardboard Cosmic Cube. And while Arthur did win that fight it turns out the sword and the energy blasts were the only things not made of cardboard. So Arthur wasn’t in the best mood all things considered. Then he saw the glow.

At first he thought it might just be another fancy toy, but after looking again he felt his Other shudder. It was a star. Just there. So close within his grasp. Within Its grasp. Finally, Arthur had found it. This is what he would need. The only problem was that a shadow creature put it into a bag, and they seemed to be in a group. This could be a problem. If the imp could get the star he was confident he could defeat any of them, but right now, not knowing what any of them could do was a problem. It was safer to watch and wait before approaching. So Arthur decided to do just that. It may take a while, but he was willing to hold off. All the patients in the world would be worth it if he could get his hands on-Wait...did...they all just leave...and leave the bag?

...Well, he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. And so the imp with four names dug into the impressively packed bag. He became so enraptured by his search that he drowned out most everything around him. Arthur would only look up again when he got kicked in the face.

Vicky was a bit surprised when she eventually found herself breathing. This was compounded by the fact that an arrow was currently sticking out of her chest. It wasn’t a full blown panic of course. This was far from the first time she had been pierced by an arrow (Goddess, Vicky did love the Camp Dome). Still, normally she found herself with a friend or necromancer over her when she awoke. What’s more, her head was a little foggy. She was doing...someone a favor. And that led to her getting stabbed. Not the most unheard of thing in the world still, she felt shocked and...oddly determined right now. 

And then she felt something bizarre. Like something had just left her body yet it was still there, still with her. The best she could equate it to was stretching her own arm. Reaching out, but still connected. Looking up she saw a figure standing over her. It was a humanoid figure the likes of which she had never seen before. 

It wasn’t bulky, instead it was muscular and firm. The body of the humanoid was a marble white but this was only visible from their hands and a few joins. The rest of the body was covered in sky blue armor. Both it it’s arms seems to be glass windows with numbers in one and an arrow in the other. If you were to put them together they would make what looks like a fuel or power gauge. It’s head was mostly covered in a large helmet with no mouth showing and only small slits for eyes. Even as Vicky stood up it still towered over her, being about as tall as Scott, “Um, Hello?” She gave a small wave at the creature looking down at her, although it did not respond, “And you are?” it was both a question of who and what, but before either Vicky could be met with more silence, some else answered. 

“It is called a Stand!” A Loxodon walked over to Vicky. He was currently wearing a large white jacket with a dark blue collar over a red vest and white undershirt. He was also sporting a top hat with a black and white slanted checkered design. Vicky could also make out a pencil mustache drawn on with sharpie under his truck. He continued, “It is a gift by the arrow to those it deems worth. The Stand is a manifestation of your fighting spirit. And I believe that person you fought earlier had one as well.” Oh that’s right. That Imp still has Oz’s bag, shit. The blue woman turned around and was going to run off only for the Loxodon to put his trunk on her shoulder, “Wait, if you are going to confront the Imp again, you should know what it is you are getting into. If not, you will surely lose again.” 

“Okay, shoot.” Vicky, always a happy learner, brought out a notebook, just in case there was a test or something.

“As I said, they are the manifestation of one’s will and fighting spirit and are usually used for combat. They are not separate from you. So they do not so much obey your will, but are your will. All stands come with a unique ability although it is not usually difficult to figure out that power. Simply try.” And thus Vicky did, she tried something. Tried to let her “Stand” do what it does. And then it extended its hands and lighting came out blasting at the ceiling.  

“Sweet,” It might have been a bit on the nose, but the would be engineer’s mind was racing with possibilities just from that.

“Indeed,” The man with a perfect sense of fashion said, “Aside from the power, Stands all share a few set traits. Only other Stand Users can see other Stands. You can summon and recall your Stand whenever you want. And the only thing that can hurt a Stand is a Stand. Keep these rules in mind, learn your enemies powers, and be creative with your own. That is the key...TO VICTORY!!!” Vicky had written down everything he said. Scanning her notes once more she looked up at the instructor. 

“Got it! Anything else I need to know or do before I go?”

“Well,” He crossed his arms and closed his eyes, pondering the question, “The only thing would be to give them a name!”

“Okay then, what to call you?” Vicky thought for a second before the lighting of inspiration struck, “Oh about...Amplify!!!” She struck a pose along with her new found fighting spirit. The loxodon just shook his head. 

“Nope. It has to be a music reference.” Vicky and her stand dropped the pose. 

“Really?”

“Yep. It could also be Tarot cards, but those have been used up already. Gods also work, but those haven't been used in years. So just music references. Preferably rock, but the genre is more flexible.” He gave a tiny noise from his trunk, just to remind you that he is an elephant man. 

“Okay. Then how about...Black Parade!!!-Black Parade?” She looked at her teacher who nodded, “BLACK PARADE!!!” With that Vicky thanked the stranger and ran off.

Zeppelephant looked on proud at the woman going to fulfill her destiny. He thought it akin to a father preparing his daughter for life’s challenges. This is of course ignoring the fact that Vicky is a grown woman whose father figure is Coach and the Zeppelephant’s teaching could have been turned into a TikTok tutorial with no information lost. 

He was so wrapped up in his misplaced pride that the Loxodon didn’t notice a Skeleton approaching him, “Hey, I heard you say Stand earlier. Do you like Diesel too?”

It didn’t take long for Vicky to find the Imp again. When you leave someone for dead, you don’t really feel the need to hide all too hard. Although it was clear he was a little more on edge then before. As it turned out, being kicked in the face is a good lesson to be aware of your surroundings. 

Vicky weighs her options. Getting in close would be beneficial. She is very athletic, and on the way here she tested Black Parade’s strength on a stone golem that was just minding their own business. It knocked them out and even cracked their face a bit. It could end the fight quickly, but who knows what he could do with his Stand. Vicky hadn’t even seen it yet. No, range was differently better. He hadn’t seen her yet, and she had just the way to attack from a distance. 

Vicky summoned her Stand low to the ground and let it begin to charge lighting in its hands (she didn’t know if it actually did anything, just that she had seen people in anime do it. And if anime wasn’t a good reference for her life at this moment she didn’t know what was). Once she felt it had generated enough (also after it tripped the fourth person) she pushed through some people and let the lighting fly. Unfortunately it missed its target by a good meter, hitting a random beholder nearby. Okay, so lighting isn’t very accurate at a distance. Good to know. It would have been nice to figure that out in a way that didn’t alert the person she was trying to hit, but still. Vicky was at least glad on some level that she now knows. 

The Imp stood up, and looked over at Vicky, annoyed, “Yeah, I guess it was a bit too much to hope that you’d die from the arrow. After all, you introduced yourself with a kick. Of course you’d have a strong enough fighting spirit,” he glances back at the roasted goblin, “Lighting, seems appropriate. Now, tell me. What do you want with the bag?”

“It’s my friend’s bag. They asked me to get it for them. So hand it over!” Vicky said, standing tall, arm outstretched, her Stand at the ready. Arthur looked down at the bag in his hand and back at the woman. Given that he was after a powerful star, and that she was so willing to get it back that a Stand was created, Arthur came to a fairly reasonable but largely incorrect assumption on the situation. That this bag contains items that are as powerful, if not more so, then the star, and she’s trying to take it. Then her face clicked in his memory. 

“HaHaHaHa! Oh yes. I remember, you were with that shadow creature. Well, if you want this bag,” With a free hand he reached into his large fanny pack. As he did so, a spectral form began to take shape behind him, “Let’s see what our Stands can really do. GO, SMASH MOUTH!!”

Chapter Text

With the element of surprise lost, Vicky charged in. If she couldn’t end this long range, she just had to get right in his face and at that point she might as well punch him. It was the polite thing to do really. So as she got within a meter of the Imp, she shot Black Parade out and landed a clean hit on his face...only for him to not flinch at all. It happened in an instant, right before the Stands fist collided, the dark red flesh of the Imp suddenly shifted into a metallic coat. He simply laughed, “That all you got!? Well, I guess it is to be expected. You are still new to this.” Vicky noticed her own hand was hurting a bit now, but didn’t think much of it as she soon noticed a shadow looming over her.

Glancing up, Vicky got a good look at her opposing Stand. Despite the name, the Stand actually had no mouth (maybe cause it was smashed?) and had a visor where it eyes should be. The body wasn't overly muscular or wearing armor like Black Parade was. The Stands fist however were large, and could easily grasp a cantaloupe one handed! Truely a devastating power!

A large fist came down, aiming right for her head. Thankful she was able to dodge it, but only barely. Not waiting for herself to find her footing, she sent out her Stand once more. This time however, Black Parade halted in mid air stopping before it got into punching range. The Imp cocked a smile and Vicky cursed a little. So Stands can only go out so far. Oh great. That would have been a great thing to know before Mr. Elephant! The Imp continued to have his grin up, seemingly amused by the lack of knowledge his opponent had. Vicky saw an opportunity in this however. After all, she did have some range. 

Lighting erupted from the palms of Black Parade hitting Arthur in the chest. The metallic Imp let out a powerful yell as the electricity coursed over him. Metal conducting electricity. Makes sense that this would hurt. 

Once the Lighting stopped, Vicky stood over the Imp who had fallen to his knees. It was now the Frankenstein's Monster turn to look smugly at her quarry despite the fact that it was mostly luck that the lighting did as much damage as it did (Vicky also tripped a little bit as she walked the meter over to Arthur, but she’s hoping he didn’t see that). “Like I said, hand it over”

The Imp looked up at the blue woman, the metal around him seeming to fade away. He then looked down, although Vicky noticed a little to late that he wasn’t looking at the ground, but her legs, “Not yet.” A stylized leg came out of the Imp and left Vicky stumbling. Oh shit, he did see Vicky trip! The kick itself was actually strong enough not just to make her lose her footing, but to actually bend her leg so far back that the string keeping her calf and shin connected snaps. As she is plummeting however, Vicku still sees that he is in range, so Vicky sends out her stand once more and fires lighting point blank. Once again Arthur throws something out of his bag and this time Vicky sees it more clearly, not what it was, but then Smash Mouth grabs it. 

As the lighting hit, Vicky saw the red skinned Imp had changed once more, only this time it was not metallic. Instead he was a dark dull black. And once the lighting hits, similar to the punch before, the Imp doesn’t even flinch. Most disturbing of all however, was that Vicky started to feel exhausted, as if she had just spent the past 48 hours partying with Polly without recharging. She found herself having trouble sitting herself up. She saw a shadow was now standing over her. Vicky smelled the distinct aroma of a tire. She didn’t even look up when the Imp started laughing. 

“BWAHAHAHAHA!! You must have figured it out by now! My Stand Smash Mouth is about to turn myself into any material it touches!!! For a punch I turn to steel. For lighting I turn to rubber! To think you would stand above me, thinking you had won WHEN IT WAS I ARTHUR CLARK DANNIEL CLARK WHO WAS SUPERIOR!! My Stand allows me to adapt to anything, especially someone who didn’t know Stands existed more than 5 minutes ago. I should kill you now,” Vicky’s arms give out, not having the energy to hold up her weight, “But it looks like your Stand has already started doing the job for me.”

“N-no” Vicky was able to barely muster

“Yes.” Arthur picked up the bag and walked away. Leaving Vicky on the ground to wonder about what the Imp said. Was this really the work of her Stand? She called out Black Parade, which thankfully she was able to still do. 

“What happened?” She said barely a whisper. In response the Stand slammed her arms together forming what seemed to be an electric fuel gauge, with the arrow basically on empty. What? Her Stand uses a battery? Then why does it look fine? And then why does she...oh shit! It’s her gauge! That lighting doesn’t come from nowhere, it comes from her, the electricity that powers Vicky’s body, and she just drained it all. She looked around, trying to find an outlet, but her eyes began to blur. God damnit, this really was like a fourrrrrttttyy eeighhhhttt hooouuurrrrr…..

And Vicky ran out of power

“And for the next question, how many handshakes did Paul give in series 6? How many handshakes did Paul give in series 6?” A few people buzzed in the answer, but before any of them could say anything Oz leaned over to Zoe and gave the correct answer. Oz and Zoe both loved, and were very good at, trivia. It was one of the reasons they really wanted to get into this panel. Although Oz wasn’t super comfortable with standing up in front of a group of strangers to flaunt his trivia knowledge (Zoe thought is was the cutest thing in the world that Oz would get in a fight with someone in a crowded room earlier today, but answering trivia was to much) he was content with just proving to his girlfriend that he knew the answers. Zoe was much more willing to flaunt her knowledge, but stayed out at the moment in order to let her boyfriend show off. Also to keep him distracted.

“...So I just had a thought.” Oz leaned over. This is the fifth time Oz has leaned over to talk about his worries over Vicky and his bag, “What if instead of Vicky just finding the bag, she ended up getting in a fight with a group of powerful archers and Vicky ended up getting shot down and is just laying dead on the floor somewhere!!” Zoe just sighed. 

“It’s like I told you with your last few suggestions. It’s probably fine. I have no doubt that Vicky is outside the theater with your backpack. Now pay attention, they are about to give the next question.” Oz related and shifted focus back to the stage. Zoe decided to take this instance to take a peak at Vicky herself, that should calm his nerves more than anything else. When Zoe looked however, all she saw was the lifeless body of Vicky on the ground, no one around and leg detached.

...Well shit. At least it wasn’t archers who did her in. That would do horrible things to Oz’s anxiety. Still, pretty sad news. Zoe will have to remember to tell him his best friend died after the panel is over.

But as you could probably guess Vicky was not actually dead.  

When Vicky woke up on the con floor (How has this happened twice today) the first thing she notices is that one of her legs has been elevated. Looking over she sees a different red devil then the one she was fighting earlier, “Damien? What are you doing here?”

“Oh hey. You’re up” Damien said, finishing up sowing Vicky’s leg back together, “I was just wandering around, waiting for my signal for the bank heist.”

“Bank Heist?”

“Yeah, and as I was walking around I saw you here, and it looks like you got into a fight. Hope the other guy turned out worse!” Damien gave that adorable sadistic smile whenever he thought about hurting other people. 

“No, I got beat bad”

“Oh, well that’s lame. Are you going to try again?” Oh course she was, but could she really win on another go? Vicky lost pretty badly, and as it turned out, her most effective weapon against the Imp was both sometimes not effective long ranch and activity detrimental to herself. If she was going to try again, she had to be a lot smarter this time. Reaching up to her neck to remove the jumper cables, she noticed that said jumpers were not actually there. Looking around, and noticed that not only was she not connected to any battery, but was also in the same place in the middle of the room, far away from the walls and outlets. 

“Hey, Damien. How did you recharge me?” 

“Hu? I didn’t go there. Just fixed your leg” He presented the leg which had been put back together, but it looked like it had also some fancy star embroidery now courtesy of Damien. He was very proud. 

“Not bad Damien,” Vicky said, also admiring the stitching, “Looks a lot better than the last time you tried to reattach my leg” She gave the prince of hell a knowing smirk. Damien blushed hard.

“You said you’d never mention that again,” He said in a whisper. Said 'that' was actually the second time the two ever had sex. With their first time boning being a bit too vanilla for Vicky’s liking, she wanted to spice things up during the follow up. Unfortunately, Damien did not know how to use a jackhammer during sex (I mean, I know Damien’s dad’s sheltered him a lot, but not knowing the proper steps in jackhammer sex is a bit extreme don’t you think?). The result was Vicky losing all of her limbs, Damien failing to reattach them, and one of the most embarrassing calls to Zoe he has ever had to make. 

Going on a little nostalgic trip was fun, but distracting. Vicky shook her head and refocused herself at the question at hand, “What going on?” Vicky turned away from Damien (who wasn’t super happy to be ignored in exchange for empty space) and summoned out her Stand. Black Parade showed the charge level once more, only this time it was about 75% full. Vicky’s mind began to race. She decided to experiment for a second. 

Damien was a little annoyed at being ignored...basically by anyone, including his friends. However, all that changed however as suddenly lighting erupted from the spot Vicky was looking at. Many monster ran and screamed and all Damien could do looking forward was say, “Fucking Metal” The lighting stopped after thirty Seconds and Vicky started forward intently. She then looked back at Damien, then back toward the empty space. Then a wide smile crossed over. 

“Awesome, thanks Damien, I think I will take my revenge now!” Vicky stood up and ran off.

“Okay. Have fun!” Damien waved his friend goodbye

Arthur’s day has really been a series of ups and downs. It didn’t start great, but was overall optimistic. Then it turned great when he realized that he could have the power of a star. Then he got kicked in the face which hurt like hell. Like literal actual hell. He’s not actually sure how that’s possible (Somewhere else during her search, Vicky suddenly had a flashback to when she did an internship with Damien’s dads and they showed her how to make a kick hurt like hell. Once the flashback ended Vicky was left with a smile as she remembered the funniest college credits she had ever earned). But he stabbed her with the fucking arrow. And when she was knocked out he thought that was it. And then she came back and she has lighting powers. And it turns out being hit by lighting when you are living metal is INCREDIBLY painful (a lesson he would have much preferred to hear about than experience first hand). But finally, it looks like her own stand killed her. This is the best. Finally he was sure no one was following him and he could look through the bag in peace. 

Arthurs then feels a second quick and powerful kick to the face, his jaw is definitely broken now.

As the Imp righted himself, the two Stand Users Locked eyes. Both Black Parade and Smash Mouth were already out, ready in case the other made a move. A group of dust bunnies (which in those worlds are both literal and sentient) looked on from the side, feeling a fight about to happen, and were eager to watch. 

Silence passed between them.

It was Arthur who finally broke the silence, “So, I see you’re not dead. I guess it was a bit optimistic of me to assume that your Stand would kill you for me.” Vicky wore confidence on her face. 

“What can I say, my mom made me to keep on kicking.” Arthurs now realizes that he is missing a tooth. Vicky began to walk forwards. Arthur chuckled a little

“Oh, You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me?”

“I can’t beat the shit out of you without getting closer.” Vicky said, maintaining confidence. There was something different about this approach compared to the previous. There was confidence before to be sure, but now there was a certainty there. Not just a goal, but a path to there had now formed. Well, The Imp certainly wouldn’t let that happen. 

Arthur throws out a piece of steel into the air. Just as he did Black Parade charged forward, hoping to land a hit before he could turn to metal. Unfortunately she’s not fast enough as her fist collides with cold hard metal. Seeing the parallels from the last fight, the Imp starts reaching into his fanny pack again to switch to rubber. However, instead of follow up lighting, another punch followed, making Arthur stubble a little. Vicky’s gaze honed in on the hand in the fanny pack, and sent the third punch flying. The precise strike not only knocked the hand open, but scattered the contents of the pack. Suddenly panicking, Arthur himself and his stand to grab the rubber. Time seemed to slow as Smash Mouth’s large hands stretched out, trying to beat the speed of lighting at point blank. And by the grace of some higher being his stand grasped the piece of tire. 

After the brief stint of panic, Arthur turned back around to face the lighting head on only to see Vicky running away with the backpack. Oh, that Bitch! It wasn't to prevent Arthur from defending himself. It was just to get him to lose the bag! “Hey, Get Back Here!” 

Vicky registered the yell behind him, but didn’t really care. Her focus was largely on running away and rummaging through the bag. Why stay and fight? Her goal was the bag and nothing more. And if more violence was needed, then well, that’s what searching through the bag was for. Finally she found what she was looking for a grabbed it just in time for a punch with the force of 1 Damien’s Motorcycle (An odd unit of measurement to be sure, but sense almost everyone in monster society has been hit with Damien’s motorcycle it’s more commonly understood then Newtons or Joules). She did lose the bag, but thankfully was able to keep her prize from inside. Still, not letting a little thing like a punch keep her down, she sent out Black Parade to give a swift kick to Smash Mouth’s head. It wasn’t enough to send him back any, but hitting from under the chin did force Smash Mouth into an upwards gaze. What was more interesting to Vicky however was her opponent whose head shot up exactly as his Stand did. 

And Vicky remembered when Smash Mouth hit Arthur’s metal body. Vicky felt that in her own hand. Okay, another thing her teacher didn’t inform her of. Vicky wondered if he had other information he failed to give.

“JoJo! How would you like to learn the ancient technique of punching a rock through a frog!?” 

All Joy could do was look on at the strange man who just broke into their apartment and decided to use a name that the leader of the Coven hadn’t been called since she was 12. Finally some words formed, “Why would I want to do that? And why are you here!” 

“The answer is the same for both! To fight Vampires!” 

“...Get out”

“Now, hold on,” Liam said looking up from his phone, “The ways people have tried to kill me are so balsa at this point. But killing me by punching a frog. This I have to see.” Joy just sighed, accepting that the rest of her day will be taken up by saving her SO.

But no time to think of that now. Instead of going straight for the bag another fist from Smash Mouth came at Vicky. Thankfully she was able to bring up her own stand to block it even if she still felt most of it. Okay, good to know. Stands do absorb some of the damage from attacks. But her opponent was now right up next to her, and it looks like the Imp was turning away to try and grab Oz’s backpack. 

Almost as fast the lighting her Stand could produce, a punch came rocketing out of the defensive position and landed a clean hit on Smash Mouth’s left shoulder. Coincidently Arthur was trying to grab with his left arm causing it to instantly shoot back, his attention following suit. Before his own stand could react, another two blows came out, far faster than the Imp could see. The only reason he even knew of the hits was the sudden pain in his chest and right shoulder. The second blow was actually strong enough to knock him back to the bag and grab hold of it. 

Arthur surveyed the situation. The blue woman (He doesn’t even know his name and he’s been beaten up THIS much by her) seems to have figured out a weakness of his Stand, Smash Mouth can’t turn itself into different material, just the user. Three strikes and in rapid succession. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue as he’d just have his steel body as a defense and not summon Smash Mouth, but this Stand had a pretty useful ability to nullify that defense. And even if she didn't, that sudden strike at the beginning of this round had knocked a lot of his materials out. And he certainly couldn’t grab them now. All he had left was tire rubber and that wouldn’t really help right now. Arthur was just hit with 4 more punches within a second. This was a problem. 

Her Stand didn’t have the raw power that some other close range stands do, but for how fast it was it almost didn’t matter. After another tooth flew out of his mouth he knew this was urgent. He had tried to use Smash Mouth to get in another hit, but it’s clear that he rarely uses his Stand for these kinds of brawls. Even someone who is learning as they go is able to out maneuver them on speed alone. Arthur needed to think. He has the bag, he just needs to turn into something that will help him get away .But there was nothing for Smash Mouth to grab onto. Nothing around it but air.

...Oh shit, would that work?

Seeing the Stand only on the defensive, Vicky was a little put off by it’s sudden movement, even entering a defensive stance herself just in case, only for Smash Mouth to swipe at the air and clasp down on nothing. Vicky was about to perform another strike when she heard a laugh, and saw Smash Mouth disappear.

What Vicky saw was Arthur’s red skin becoming semi translucent and his form becoming wavy and incomplete, “Bwahahaha! It’s said that Stands, when pushed to the absolute limit, are able to evolve and grow even more powerful. I had never considered trying to turn myself into anything other than a solid. So I guess I have to thank you for giving me a chance to grow.” The bag seems to have followed the change in states as well. And Vicky saw Arthur begin to ascend upwards. Turns out being air gives you the bonus power of flight. Now that’s just not fair. 

Thinking quickly about what to do next, a lightbulb flashes in Vicky’s mind, hoping that some basic science could be the answer to this problem. 

Before allowing him to get too far in the air, Vicky fired a stream of lighting out into the gasly form. Much to her delight, doing so had the attended screech of pain.

“AAAAAHHHHH What was that!?! I’m AIR!!!”

“Oh, don’t you know,” Vicky said, glancing at her Stand gauge to see if another lighting strike would be worth it. Deciding so another sound of pain came from Arthur, “Lighting is basically supercharged air molecules! You thought being metal hurts when hit with lighting. Well, now my lighting is forcing you to change states of matter. Air to Plasma. Looks like you can’t ever escape my Stand’s combat abilities.” 

Despite the pain, Arthur still brought himself upwards. Eventually he was high enough up that Vicky’s range would suffer. She decided to stop the lighting, no point in wasting electricity. Instead she just watched him go through an air event and disappear. 

Vicky wasn’t too worded at seeing this actually. If Arthur was trying to get something from the bag and it turned to air with him then he’ll need to go solid again. And it will probably be soon. After all he’d have to be an idiot to not figure that he was going to have another scrap with the Frankenstein's Monster. At this point it was just Vicky trying to figure out where he would be. A quick break into the hotel’s record rooms could find out that information. What’s more, she had a plan now.

Vicky looked down at what she grabbed and opened it up. Oh yeah. She was ending this next round.  

Chapter Text

Arthur was in an attic when Vicky came across him once more. The room itself was large, situated over one of the larger theaters at the con. Those who ran the hotel might have had plans for the room at some point. There is scaffolding along most walls and in the rafters was a large strange metal...is that a chandelier? Well whatever it is, it’s in an odd spiral shape, with an uncovered metal cord that comes down not far away from where Vicky was currently hiding. Whatever the room's purpose was originally it seems to have just been turned into storage as a number of boxes and crates are stacked throughout the room (Vicky would wonder later once the battle was over just why the hotel had boxes full of dodgeballs, iron/copper/mercury bars, and thousands of copies of Questionable Content Vol. Four in a random storage room). Vicky was actually hiding behind one one of these crates (the mercury bar one in case you were curious. It’s incredibly cold to the touch) standing on a pile of boxes, maybe 10 feet off the floor where Arthur currently was. 

It wasn't super hard to figure out that this is where the Imp would be once Vicky had a look at the building layout (Despite only taking about 5 minutes of her time, she went on a wild side trip for this information. She reunited with one of her BFFs from gym class. She reunited that unnamed friend with their estranged father. And she teamed up with Jack Black but he’s an actual Panda to save all of China. Vicky would go on to say that her search for the building layout was her third favorite thing to come out of the con). It was the closest room he could get to from that vent he went through that was not full of people. He probably wanted some place like this for when Vicky's inability showed up, but it doesn’t seem like he’s noticed her arrival yet. God, he knows someone is chasing him and he still is this unobservant? This is why he’s been kicked in the face so many times today. 

Although Vicky wasn’t paying much attention to Arthur either. Instead she was getting a sense of the upcoming battlefield. Sure, Vicky had a plan, but if she was being honest it was less a plan and more a way to give her an advantage. She needed something to finish things up. Right now she was looking at the interesting metal structure in the rafters. The spiral was actually giving her ideas, and...was that made of copper? Before Vicky could fully form her idea she began to hear laughter and see a bright white glow coming from the other side of the crate she was hiding from. 

“Ha Ha Ha HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHA!!!!! FINALLY I FOUND IT!!!” Vicky glanced over the box and saw that Arthur was no longer sitting on the ground looking through a backpack he stole. Instead he was standing up now with the source of light being in the palm of his hand. It was a small white dwarf star with a chain connecting to it. Oh shit that’s Zoe’s lucky dwarf star! That’s what all of this was about? He’s just trying to steal her friend’s keepsake? What a creep! “With this I can turn myself into energy! I will have the power of a star and no one in the world can even hope to best be with this. The world will be brought to its knees with my new found power! Now come for Smash Mouth! Come forth and evolve into Smash Mouth: All Star!” Without pausing to see exactly what that meant, Vicky grabs one of the dodgeballs and jumps over her crate. 

With a throw so powerful and accurate that it was clear why Vicky was seen as one of the most CHARMing people at Spooky High, the ball slammed into the star knocking it out of the Imp’s and more importantly his Stand’s grasp. Arthur looked up to where the ball had been through only to see the woman he has now definitely decided was his archenemy. 

“Why won't you not just quit?!” Instead of responding with her words, Vicky decided to use her actions and throw an iron pipe with Black Parade. If Arthur hadn’t been quick enough to react it would have gone straight through his foot, pinning him there. Not wanting to trust his reflexes on the second bar, Smash Mouth quickly grabbed the bar, turning the Imp into iron, preventing any serious damage. 

Spicing things up a bit, Black Parade tossed the third bar to her user, who was now leaning over her high vantage point. Her stand grabbed onto the metal cord which remained firmly in place. Using the natural range limit of herself and stand, she used her Stand’s fixed location to keep herself from falling as she readied for another strike. Arthur, not worried about his defense, turns away from his adversary to grab the star which he sees as the quickest route to victory. 

The star had fallen to the ground a few meters away with no real concern of the lighting. At this distance, her accuracy would suffer. When he was only a meter away he didn’t wonder why nothing had come his way. Instead he simply extended his hand, letting Smash Mouth cover the rest of the distance. Right as it was about to grab the star, it came up short. It reached to grab again only to miss once more as if something was pulling his Stand away from the star. It was here Arthur realized that he himself was being pulled, despite nothing touching him. 

Taking better stock of his own environment Arthur saw that he wasn’t just being pulled, but he was no longer touching the ground and was being lifted up by seemingly nothing. Looking over at literally the only person who could be the cause of this, he saw Vicky standing over him as he rose, with a confident smile on her face. Her Stand was still where it used to be, grasping onto the cord, now with electricity flowing through it. Glancing up he saw the metal art piece had electricity over it along with a few metal bars currently in the center of them. Before he could ask what was going on, the electric woman decided to answer. 

“Copper around iron plus a source of electricity equals an electromagnet. It’s not as powerful as it could have been, but with everything makeshift I think it is working well. You have one trick, turn yourself into something. Take your diversity away and you jump at the change to turn into something seemingly useful. The moment you decided to turn into iron was the moment I won.” Once Arthur passed over Vicky, he realized just how much trouble he was in. If he turns into air now, he will at best not be quick enough to get to the bag, or hold it for that matter. At worst he becomes a sitting duck for her lighting and probably couldn’t take a hit like that. And that was just if he turned into air. If he stayed iron he would eventually connect with the coil and be electrocuted through the current. Not a lot of good options, and in his mind at least there was only one good one.

With just a thought, Arthur’s changed back from metal to flesh, no longer bound by the magnet, only gravity. He fell to the ground quicker than Vicky could attack. Still, not one to waste a moment, she grabbed two copper pipes as weapons and jumped down. Both on ground level, the two locked eyes and breathed. And Vicky was starting to feel tired. She didn’t need to look at her Stand’s gauge to know that the last stunt was making her run a little low. She needed to end this with only a little electricity, if any. So melee it was. She readied her pipes while Arthur reached into his pocket and took out a piece of rubber. They played with it in their hands. 

“Tell me. I know you said this was your friend's bag, but for how hard you’ve been fighting it’s clear to me that you have some other motive. So what is it? What is in this bag that you are working so hard to get? Or is it the star itself? Because I might be able to walk away if it is anything other than the star.” 

“You’re wrong.” Vicky said, “I told my friends I would get that bag, so I will. I refuse to let my friends down.” The way they said that was not full of anger or pride, but confidence. A confidence that the world worked a certain way and that if it didn’t she was going to change it by pure force of will. Arthur had never really seen anything like that. It scared him a little. It also reminded him of a story he had heard about in some Stand circles about a particularly bizarre family. 

“What is your name?” Arthur asks, curiosity now getting the better of him.

“Vicky Schmidt!” She responded. It seems like she wasn’t a member after all. Jo wasn’t anywhere in that name. Maybe if it was written out in kanji it would have Jo in it. Regardless, his answer resolved both fighters charged into the fight. 

And it was clear to Arthur instantly that something was different. Black Parade was slower than it was before. In order to compensate and probably try to hide that fact, Vicky was getting within melee as well. Sure, she couldn’t hurt Smash Mouth with the pipes, but she was more trying to parry attacks and create openings for her own Stand to strike. Even so, both were fairly sluggish. Smash Mouth was actually able to keep up with both. It did help however, that every time Vicky tried to use her pipes on Smash Mouth, the tips bent a little. He hoped that hurt her morale a bit. 

Seeing that no ground was being made with melee attacks, Vicky took a risk and raised Black Parade’s hand, intent on firing a point blank shock to try and end this. This was not a risk well taken however as the enemy stand was able to grab her wrist and aim upwards, completely avoiding the blast. If Vicky wasn’t drained before, she was exhausted now. Seeing the shift in energy Smash Mouth sent a fist slamming into the side of Black Parade sending both it and Vicky falling to the ground. Vicky was so weak at this point she couldn’t even keep her stand out and was only barely holding onto her pipes.  

Arthur also returned his Stand, choosing to stand over his opponent himself. “You know, you’ve made my day a lot worse. I’m glad for a little payback.” The Imp began to kick Vicky on the ground, she couldn’t do anything to defend herself, “This is for all the times you Hit. Me. In. The. Face!” Letting out his anger a bit he stopped his kicking, he looked around and saw a box labbed ‘Non-Superpower-Giving Very Lethal Swords’. He walked over and came back with a Non-Superpower-Giving Very Lethal Sword, “You know, I think my big mistake today was to not just kill you. I kept just thinking that it didn’t matter. But you’ve proven me very wrong. At this point, I feel like even when I do achieve Smash Mouth: All Star! You will still be a pain. So I guess I’ll have to be a bit more preemptive about that.” He lifted up his sword for a killing blow. 

“Oh My God! Is that Vicky? She looks wasted.” Arthur looked over at the voice as his face suddenly filled with worry looking at the door to see a very attractive ghost floating in, “Why didn’t you invite me Boo, I would have loved to join you. Hey Scott,” She called back out the door, “Vicky’s here! Hurry up!” Entering into the room after was Scott, currently eating some Scott Snacks.

“Sorry, I wanted to pick up all the Scott Snacks off the ground. Thankfully it was all in a line so it was easy to keep them all.” Scott sniffed the air, “Oh look Polly! There’s the rest of the bag. And it looks half full. Hooray!” Scott pointed up to behind the crate, the same place Vicky was hiding when she entered. Vicky smiled at herself, it seemed like grabbing a bag of Scott Snacks was a good idea after all. It even brought Polly here by accident. Even better. Arthur however, was simply confused. 

“What is going-” His question was cut short by a very fast kick from Black Parade, hitting it’s mark right on the Imp’s face. Vicky jumped up, seeming completely recharged despite being drained a second ago. “How are you-” this second question was also interrupted as more hits came knocking Arthur around. All the while Vicky glanced down at her pipes and had an idea. She had Black Parade back off for a second as Vicky came down with her pipes. Arthur saw what Vicky did now, Smash Mouth bending into the pipes into sharp spears, now plunging towards his chest. 

Acting largely on reflex, although he did have enough sense to throw the rubber up, he had Smash Mouth grab the air, thus letting the pipes pass through harmlessly. Although this seems to be something Vicky wanted as her Stand was ready to shock him. However, that forethought paid off for Arthur as he sent his stand up to grab the rubber just in time to take the hit. Although, the pipes did not leave when he turned to rubber. Instead he began to laugh, an odd thing to do when stabbed in Vicky’s experience, “It’s funny really. The only reason I never used rubber to block attacks was because I was concerned about piercing and slashing damage still hurting my rubber body. But I have pipes in my body now and I’m fine. Truly my Stand is the greatest in the world!!!” Vicky cocked a smile.

“Yeah, sure it is”, Vicky had her Stand grab the pipes and fired a lot of electricity through them, far more than she ever had to this point, and it just kept coming. And Vicky wasn’t being drained at all. And while the lighting wasn’t hurting, he was definitely feeling something. 

“You know it’s funny. I was so confused when I had woken up after our first Stand battle and no one plugged me in to recharge. Yet, according to my Stand’s battery reading I was at 75%. All that was different was my friend Damien was there when I woke up and he didn’t do anything,” Okay, he could definitely feel it now. It wasn't the lighting that was hurting, it was the heat. She was using the copper pipes as conductors to generate an absurd amount of heat. Enough heat to melt rubber. He was about to turn himself into air, “I wouldn't do that if I was you” Her look alone caused him to stop. It was the scary confidence again, “You turn to gas and you die from sudden lighting. You turn back to flesh and you’ll have to deal with heat, electricity, and two large puncture wounds. This is probably the only way you’ll make it through this alive.” Despite the ever growing pain he couldn’t fault the logic, “Now where was I? Oh right, so all that was new was my friend Damien there. So I shot some lighting as a test and it turned out I lost NO electricity. And then it occurred to me what my master said!” The melted rubber was taking up most of Arthur’s body. It was hard to describe just how much pain he was in (unless of course you’ve ever been melted before from the inside. Because then it feels exactly like that!) “He told me Stands are manifestations of ourselves! And I love spending time with my friends! It invigorates me! And I guess Black Parade made that affect very literal.” Despite the liquid form he now had, he had heard one thing of interest in that.

“Wait, Black Parade? Like from My Chemical Romance? I love that song” Vicky pulled out the pipes only for her Stand to wind up for a punch. 

“You have good tastes. Ora!” Vicky didn’t know the last thing she said, only that it felt right to say in this moment. Speaking of this moment, it consisted of a punch. Then another. And another and another and another and another! It was an amazing flurry of blows unlike anything most Stand Users had ever seen. Even Polly and Scott were impressed by what they were witnessing (although Poly was very high so most things were impressive to her right now and Scott was just happy to be spending time with friends). With each punch the humanoid form of rubber began to condense and reshape, Smash Mouth followed suit, reflecting the physical changes happening to their user. “Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora Ora!!!” Once the Imp was in the desired shape she looked on at her work, the rubber having cooled with the blasts of air that her Stand’s blows caused “Their you go Arthur Clark Daniel Clark. You wanted to be a star, and now you are.” 

Now resting on the floor was a rubber star about the size of a basketball. Vicky picked him up, and looked at the two friends she was able to get here with snacks. Neither were paying attention any more as Polly decided the glowing star was far more interesting to look at and Scott having finished the remaining Scott Snacks seems to have gone to a corner of the room to chew on a bone he found (where did he find it? And why does it look fresh? What the hell is in all these boxes?). 

“Hey Scott!” Vicky called out drawing Scott’s attention, “I got you a new chew toy!” Vicky waved her star in the air as Scott’s tail began to wag even faster. He ran over and might have tackled her if Vicky hadn’t thrown the toy away. Next Vicky walked over and picked up the star, much to her girlfriends dismay, “Sorry Pol. But I told Zoe and Oz I’d get their stuff back to them.” 

Arthur Clark Daniel Clark was loved and cherished by Scott as a chew toy for about two weeks before on a trip to the dog park Scott lost it. No one has seen him since.

Arthur Clark Daniel Clark: Retired

Zoe and Oz walked out of the panel feeling pretty great, having gotten every question right AND by using Oz’s powers to summon Paul Hollywood to judge some of the panelist’s baking (not a handshake among them. It was amazing really. Even being kidnapped and forced to judge a competition of monsters wasn’t enough to get Hollywood to give a handshake to anything except excellence in the kitchen). It was enough to make Oz forget about his worries of the lost backpack. But of course, a panel can’t go on forever (Although Zoe is working on that), and soon after the eldritch couple stepped out Oz quickly noticed that one of his best friends wasn’t here. 

“Oh shoot. I knew I was forgetting something” Zoe said as the memory of the dead and lifeless Vicky returned to her. She turned to her boyfriend and grabbed both his hands, “Oz, I know this won’t affect us a lot sense we are immortal and so are a lot of our friends. Or they’re undead. Or whatever Calculester would be classified in. But for most people death will come for them. Once again. Not for the majority of people we care about, but some of them. And sure they may in fact be alive in an alternate universe which us being us could easily interact with, so they may as well not be dead at all from our perspective. But sometimes we lose-”

“Hey guys!” A blue frankenstein’s monster comes running up to the couple, “Oh, I’m sorry. Am I interrupting something?” Zoe at her undead friend. She then shrugged.

“No, not really. You got the bag?”

“Yep! Sorry it took so long. I got sidetracked” Oz embraced Vicky and began to shower her with praise and thanks. Despite some pats on the back the embodiment of fear was largely ignored by the women. 

“So what got you sidetracked?”

“Oh, I saved all of China from a powerful and racist wizard.”

“And that took you the whole panel?” Zoe said surprised. With Vicky’s skills she should have been able to defeat a wizard in 10 minutes tops. 

“Well, no. I also got Scott a new chew toy. It looks like a star!”

“Cute!”

Chapter Text

Vicky and Scott stood on the roof of the convention building. They weren’t technically allowed there, but Scott was a giant muscular werewolf and Vicky could seemingly shoot lightning from thin air. Con security wasn’t paid enough to stop them. The two winners of the “Most Peppy’ superlative both had binoculars and were looking out towards the horizon for something special. Although only one of them was actually using the binoculars to see. Scott was chewing on his along with his new star chew toy. After quietly keeping an eye out for the helicopter Vicky decided to break the silence.

“So, what kind of dog did you get?” 

“A paadfla” Scott said, mouth full of binoculars and Arthur. Vicky smile and told him to spit out his toys before talking, “A poodle. A few of my cousins are allergic to dogs so grandma said if I was going to get one it’s have to be hyp...hypo...hype...hypaaaaa”

“Hypoallergenic?”

“Yeah, that one! So I looked online, but I ate the mouse. So I asked Liam to help me, but he said a dog was too mainstream. So I asked Calculester to help, and he found this place that would deliver a dog to me. And they said it would be here today!”

“That’s great buddy,”  Vicky said, giving Scott a quick scratch behind the ear, “Why is it coming via helicopter?”

“It’s from Canada”

“Wow! That’s possibly very far away depending on where we are at this moment!”

“I know!!” Scott wagged his tail, proud that he knew this ill defined fact. And with exposition done, the two continued the look out for a few minutes until Scott got a phone call. He opened it (he had a flip phone) and was greeted by the sound propeller blades and a yelling man. 

“HELLO SCOTT! THIS IS RICHTER FROM HELICOPTER HOUNDS! IS THIS SCOTT?!”

“YES!” Scott said, feeling the need to also yell. 

“GREAT! I BELIEVE I SEE YOU!! YOU ARE THE LARGER HAIRY MAN WITH A BLUE PERSON NEXT TO YOU, RIGHT?”

“YEP!”

“GREAT! I’LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE” After an awkward conversation with a different large hairy man and blue woman standing on a different roof, Richter continued on his way, finally arriving at Scott and Vicky about 30 minutes later. 

The helicopter was white with an orange logo on the top saying ‘Traffic Qwopter’ on the side. There might have been more, but the two monsters couldn’t see more from their angle as the helicopter wasn’t landing. The reason for that was that, dangling from rope at the bottom of the helicopter was a bunch of dogs in various shapes and sizes all in harnesses. All of them have their tongues out looking like they are having the time of their lives.  Seeing an opportunity, Vicky ran into the hanging pile of dogs and attempted to hug and play with all of them. In her opinion, it was the second best thing to happen in the con. 

Leaning out of the helicopter door was a human man. He continues to yell over the fan blades, “OKAY! THERE SHOULD BE ONLY ONE POODLE THERE! JUST DETACH IT! ONCE YOU DO SHE’S YOURS!

“AFTER THAT CAN I RIDE WITH THE DOGS FOR A BIT!?” Scott said excited by the prospect of sticking everything out a window

“AN EXTRA 20 AND SURE” And thus Scott was flown around the streets of Monsteropolis from a helicopter while Vicky waited on the roof with a poodle that would within an hour be named Hilda.

And with that short little event out of the way, I think I’m going to take a break, drink some water, maybe go for a bit of a walk. Sure, this might seem like a ripoff for those of you reading week to week, but I can promise you nothing else really interesting happens again until the evening. So really, you aren’t missing much. And hey, consider this. For those of you reading this as a completed fic, follows my lead. Take a break. Get a bit to eat. Go to sleep if you need to. No cliffhangers here. The fic will still be here when you get back. Toodles. 

Chapter Text

And we are back. I hope you took that break like I suggested. But anyway, continuing on...

Evening had arrived in Monsteropilosis and thus for the Monster Con. Although this does not mean that the festivities slowed down. Oh no, not in a long shot. After all, the people who couldn’t get off school or work have now joined in. The parties have begun, and very specific to this Con, a panel was about to start (well, a few panels really, but only one of them is important at the moment). In the back of the Kraken Theater on the first floor, Milo Belladonna was touching up their make-up. The internet influencer wanted to look good for this panel. No shared table space with other influencers, be it for a panel about influencers or on a collaboration. The only person on that stage will be the death reaper themselves as the panel is all about them. Well, technically the panel was all about their book, but that was basically just an extension of their brand. And Milo was nothing if not a brand given monster form (they are also death given monster form, but in a much more literal sense there). 

After applying their eyeliner, they took a good long look in the mirror. Looks so good they could kill, just how Milo liked it. And with a few minutes to spare, it was time to write a quick reminder post. 

Hello Milovers, if you couldn't make it out to my Q&A, be sure to-

HAANK!! “The USS Excelsior NCC-21445!” was suddenly heard through the walls followed by a loud uproar of applause. 

“Stacy,” Milo said curtly to one of their con aids, “What was that?”

“Oh, that was probably the trivia contest next door. It’s Star Trek night.”

“I...see. And how do we get them to get them to be quiet?” A muffed laugh could be heard through the walls. Apparently one of the hosts made a joke. 

“Sadly, we can’t. They need to be that loud to be heard over the annual Dahlia Costume Contest upstairs” It’s true. After spending a whole summer with Dahlia, the death reaper had developed a mental block to filter out all of Dahlia’s voice clips. But focusing, Milo could in fact hear ‘Best Summer EEEVVVEEERRRR’ being yelled in various vocal ranges from up above. “But on the good news, the yelling of the Adventurer's League will be be coming from the other side of the room.”

“And Stacy darling, why is that good news?” Milo said with an ever growing fake smile

“We’ll, with your room as a buffer, after they're done setting up they won’t need to yell over the other rooms to be heard.” Despite just setting up, Milo could still hear something faintly playing.

“Okay, and is that where the music is coming from? Just as they are setting up?”

“Oh no. That’s Seth. He’s a custodian who likes to listen to music as he cleans down stairs, but his headphones are broken. But don’t worry, once he finishes listening to his metal music, he switches to English covers of anime openings, and those are sometimes quieter.”

Okay, okay, okay. So this wasn’t ideal, Milo knew, but this could be salvaged. Sure, the sounds of Dahlia could distract some people, but the Miloverse were already used to Dahlia thanks to how often she showed up in livestreams. And maybe they could make a game out of the occasional answer heard during the trivia game, ‘what could the question be’. Yes, that could work. And maybe the table larpers would actually be quiet. Those are just nerds right? And nerds are the quiet bookish type right? I mean, look at Oz. Yeah, that’ll probably just be a room full of Ozs. And Seth? Milo could use it as an opportunity to talk about their music opinions. Yes, yes. This could all work, “Actually thinking about it, Seth just finished watching One Piece. So he’ll probably be just listen to those tunes all night”

...No. no no no no no no no no no, “no no no no no No No No No No No No No” Milo began to repeat as they began to pack up their stuff, “I can handle a lot, but I refuse to talk about myself and my book with pirate openings as background music. There's only so much a being beyond death can take!” Despite this declaration from Milo, Stacy had one job, to make sure Milo got on stage for their panel. 

“Now now, I know it may seem bad, but think of it like this. We’re in the back, so it is a bit louder, yes, but once you are on stage you won’t be able to hear a thing.” The aid gave a big confident smile that couldn’t help but make Milo feel at ease. 

“Okay, you’re right. I’m overreacting. I just want this to be great for my fans. And it WILL be great for my fans!” Milo finished their tweet, and walked on stage to their fans, prepared to not let anything ruin this. 

The problems started right away, “Hello my fans and frie-”

“Have no fear. Dahlia is here” “And the Seed of Evil is Correct!” “Can I roll to seduce them” “Believe in WONDER LAAANNDD!” HOW IS IT EVEN LOUDER OUT HERE!?!? AND WHY IS SOMEONE ASKING TO ROLE FOR SEDUCTION, WEREN’T THEY JUST SETTING UP?! 

This continued on for about 10 minutes with Milo saying something, only to be interrupted by noise from beyond the theater. While Milo was well known for being the shining beam of light in the dark world that is social media, even they were beginning to be visibly annoyed by it all. Which led to the crowd getting annoyed as an extension of Milo. Yet, they wanted to keep a level head so nothing happened. That is until a specific question, “Oh, I do love my cheeses. In a lot of ways I think it is a matter of mood more than anything else. What cheese vibes with me the most. But if I had to pick one for this moment I’d have to go with-”

“AND IT LOOKS LIKE THE JUDGES COULDN’T MAKE A DECISION! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! EVERY DAHLIA, BACK ON STAGE. LET’S DO IT AGAIN!”

As if by pure maliciousness, Milo’s hood flew up over their head, leaving much of their face in ominous shadow, “Ghost Pepper Jack Cheese” And uncomfortable silence filled the room as Milo stood up from their table. Were they about to leave? Was that cheese a code word for something? Had they offended their idol? Milo stopped at the edge of the stage, and stood over the crowd. Their face was neither happy nor sad, but full of determination. They stood there, waiting for the sounds to break. The music was constant however, so with the start of Crazy Rainbow, they began. 

“Men, women, fae, nonbinarys, and those who go between. My monster followers and fans! As well as the group of humans who dressed up as vampires in the corner to get in here. I would like nothing more than to do a reading and give you As to your Qs. But I cannot. For we are surrounded by noise on all fronts. From the RPG room on the left, to the Star Trek trivia contest to the right. The annual Dahlia cosplay contest upstairs. And the hotel staff member downstairs who is playing their music very loud because they think no one can hear it WHICH WE CAN!!! *ahem* You all came here today not to hear any of these, but to hear me. And just like you I also came here to hear me. So I say we don’t just allow these people to live their lives as they see fit if it intrudes with my plans! I say we go forth and we make them stop. Who is with me!?” The crowd erupts in applause and tears. At least one person throws a pair of underwear. Others are pulling out molotov cocktails because this is something you just have to prepare for when going to a Monster Con I guess, “Now, My Simps! To War!”

And thus the first Monster Con War began.

When the war began the Milovers didn’t even think it would be a war. Seth fell quickly thanks to a well placed arrow, and their first strike at the RPG room seemed to remove them from the field. However, taking on a room full of Dahlia cosplayers proved more difficult then expected as they had pure muscle on their side meaning no new ground was found there. The Star Trek panel also proved to be challenging as they had been studying the art of three dimensional combat for years, and easily countered the frontal attack leaving the Milovers with heavy losses. To the Milovers surprise, they hadn’t even succeeded in removing the RPG group as they used their skills in role-play to blend in to the world and regroup. They have now made their camp outside on the first floor lobby. Even more surprising was that the death of Seth has now been seen as an act of martyrdom as The Children of Seth have now arisen to take up arms in this conflict. 

Alliances were attempted, but none fruitful. The Dahlia Legion and The Federation tried to combined their raw might and tactical thinking, but once Dahlia Contestant #58 (who was doing a mashup of Gym Clothes Dahlia and Deadpool) said their favorite Star Trek movie was Star Trek Into Darkness, talks quickly broke down and war was declared. One of the Star Trek Trivia Organizers used to date a volunteer DM for adventure’s league, but the relationship ended badly. Peace talks were never on the table between the Federation and The Adventure's Militia (or TAM). The Children of Seth refused to turn down their music, so no talks were had as no one could speak over it. 

And thus the reality of the First Monster Con War, 5 factions battling it out in a war that none even remember how it started. Although that is not to say that everyone joined a side. Some people, monsters that were not even part of any of the original panels slipped through the cracks. 

In the wastes of a battlefield on the west side of the convention center, bodies and weapons laid on the ground. In an attempt to remove the ventral advantage the Dahlia Legion had over the others, the Federation attempted a covert mission to gain access to the elevators on that side of the building. Unfortunately spies working for TAM caught wind and sent forces of their own. The conflict ended with the Legion hearing this and destroying the elevators. Both sides fell back as their objective was now impossible. Now, with the knowledge of elevators known to all sides, a large-scale battle is waging on the east side between all factions. Which means it is the perfect opportunity for the scavengers, those left out of the war, to attempt to survive. 

“Hey Babe, help me move this body. I think a plasma rifle might be under here,” Brian called out to his boyfriend and scavenging partner. Damien and Brian lifted up the giant corpse of the stone golem and Vicky, the third in their scavenging party, reached under and grabbed the weapon which was as Brian suspected. 

“Nice eye Green. It’s a little beaten up, but I could probably buff out the dents back at home base. We could probably sell it to the Vera Caravane for more supplies” Not to let a possible business venture go untapped, once Vera heard of the war breaking out she quickly set herself up as the go to weapons and supplies seller in the con, with herself and Valerie acting as the main runners of the shop with Amira as an enforcer. They’ve been known to trade food and water for weapons left on the battlefield, so it wouldn’t have been the first time the trio has made their way into that neutral ground, “We find anything else?”

Damien shakes his head, “Founds some knives which is always a good time, but aside from that nothing worth ta-” Damien was suddenly shushed by one of the few people who could do that without getting a finger bitten off as Brain suddenly looked around. Then he pointed to a cave in the drywall. The three had been through enough together in this war that Vicky and Damien didn’t even need to be told why to follow the zombie. As they waited in their hiding whole only very dared to glance out with her Stand. With it she saw about 7 people dressed in high fashion, all with glowing hearts on their chests. 

“We have a group of Milovers, but only 7 of them” Vicky whispered to the two.

“What, that’s it? I can take that many by myself.” Damien said, still in a whisper but about to jump over before Brian put his hand on his shoulder. 

“I know Dames, but you know what they say. Kill one Milover, and 2 more take their place. I don’t want to risk you out there unless we have to.” Damien considered arguing, but let it slide. Brian was right and he knew it. After a few minutes, the group passed by, never noticing the savagers.

“What were they even doing here, I thought it would be all hands on deck over on the East wing.” Vicky wondered. 

“Don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. We weren’t noticed, now let’s get out of here before anything else shows up.” Vicky nodded in agreement. Damien kicked a bolder that had made it to the war zone. 

“GRRRAAAAHH. This is so fuckin’ stupid!” Brian tried to walk over and calm his boyfriend down, but he was too worked up, “We shouldn’t have to live this way. Running around, picking up scrapes, avoiding fights?! Sure, I may be a master of survival, but you’re not Brian. You deserve everything hell has to offer, not this war.”

“Oh babe” The two locked eyes, and stared into each other. Vicky let out a little squeal (Damien and Brian did this adorable stuff all the time, and Vicky loved it. It’s why she decided to follow them around this war instead of, just like, going home). Damien's eyes then hardened.

“You shouldn’t live this way.” Damien turned and began to walk away from their pass camp only to stop a few feet away from his fellow monsters, “I don’t know who started this war, but I’m going to finish it. Vicky,” at the sound of her name Vicky was broken out of her adorable trance, “You are one of the strongest people I know. Take care of Brian for me. Brian...” The locked eyes once more. Damien wanted to say a million things, but they were all so important. Knowing his boyfriend, the green zombie stepped in. 

“I know if you feel like you need to do this, then I won’t stop you. But before you go just know, I love you Damien.” If either Damien or Brian could hear Vicky’s squee of delight then they didn’t show it. Damien simply said, 

“I love you too.” And the two shared one long passionate kiss before Damien turned to walk away, determined to end this war.

Despite being one of the few people in the Milovers army to actually know Milo personally, Zoe decided to take on the role of a soldier instead of a top general like others. Many guessed as to why this was the case: not wanting to distract Milo for what must be done, feeling like she would be better used on the field, or a desire to slay though who wronged Milo personally. They were all wrong however. Zoe picked this role for herself because she might never be able to live through this kind of self insert au fic again.

My Dearest Oz, 

I write to you once again from the front line. Battles have been tough and commanding officers even tougher as we failed to secure the elevator now in Seth’s hands. Our current battle with TAM has called a ceasefire which is the only reason I can write to you now. 

Zoe glanced away from paper and pen, to an old worn down locket she had. Opening it was an old photo of her and Oz doing a couple’s cosplay not long after they met. A single tear came out of Zoe’s chest eye as they looked back on that memory engraved in the old locket (the locket wasn’t actually old. She actually just asked Valerie to make one for her in order to make the situation more authentic. To make it look old Amira just hit it a few times with a hammer)

Oz, I miss you every moment that we are not together. I do not know how much longer I can hold on. I still dream from time to time what may have happened if you hadn’t gone to the bathroom right as Milo’s panel started. Maybe you won’t have been unintentionally drafted into the TAM army after they claimed that bathroom while you were still in it. Maybe we would be on the same side, fighting not just for Milo, but for each other. Maybe, with you by my side, I would have had the courage to run away from this war. Live as a scavenger or possibly escape to somewhere this war hasn’t touched. I don’t know if such a place even exists anymore, but with you, I feel like anything’s possible. 

But that might be dreaming too far. This war is our lives and we need to accept that. All I hope for now is that this message finds you and that this war may end soon so I may hold you in arm and tentacle again. 

I love you with all my hearts,
Zoe

Folding up the paper, she put it in an envelope and kissed it. Satisfied with her work she then ate the note and sent it on its way. A few minutes passed as she looked at the locket once more, before she got a text message on her phone. 

Oz: If you really want, I can teleport over to you and we can go do other stuff if you want. Aaravi, Hex, and Calcuester did invite us to try some new recipes on their food truck. 

Zoe rolled her many eyes.

Zoe: Come on Ozzie. We get to actually be star crossed lovers where a war has driven us apart! This is in like my top 5 AUs to write in! Who knows when we get to do something like this again. So just play along alright, for me?

Zoe clicked send, but after a moment realized she might be in her own head a little bit to much. She typed a follow up text. 

Zoe: But if you are really uncomfortable then we can leave, okay?

Zoe waited for a few minutes and got no reply via text. Instead a bird of living shadow and smelling like the fear of disappointing a grandparent came over to her. 

Lovelist Zoe, 

I was also on that battlefield today. As I looked out, I saw someone with beautiful purple tentacle hair across the field. I didn’t know if it was you, or the you I always keep close to my heart telling me to survive. Survive so no matter what may happen in this war I may see you again. And I’m sorry for the short letter, the commanding Rules Lawyer is telling us to move out. But know I will write you again soon. 

I love you more than you could ever know, 
Oz.  

P.S. O.O.C. Could you text Cal and let them know we won’t be able to make it tonight? Also I still have your water bottle. Just text me if you want it before the end of the war.

Milo looked over the map of the con. New lines had to be drawn. Through a technique lost on almost everyone, the Federation was somehow able to create an illusion of an attack only to send in a real force to take out the force to take out the Milovers there. It was an oppressive maneuver and Milo hadn’t found a way around it yet. When asking one of their advisors who watched Star Trek all they said was “I only really watched Voyager”. Milo still doesn’t know what that means. They heard a knock on the door. They allowed them to enter.

“My Liege” a zombie walked in, @Milo_fan48337, “I just got news that our latest number of recruits have arrived.” The death reaper smiled. 

“Good” If the Milovers had one thing over their enemies, it was pure numbers. After the war began Milo went to secure the loading bay in the back of the hotel. And with a quick tweet to their followers who all came in droves. Milo’s forces just kept coming. Despite that, they haven’t made much headway, “Anything else to report?” @Milo_fan48337 stood there nervously, “Well, you seem to have something on your mind. Out with it.”

“Well my Liege. It’s just...I’ve heard rumors. And I don’t want to bother you with something that we don’t even know is true.”

“Well, now I’m curious. What is it?”

“Damein LaVey has been seen at the Dahlia base.”

“Oh, finally captured was he?” Milo had a small smile on their face. Damien was a good friend, so they let him run around the wastes with his little band. It was cute, but it wasn’t a surprise that someone else was less kind to the spicy red baby. 

“No my liege. He was leading them.” At this Milo finally looked up from their map. 

“I want some form of confirmation on that. Soon.” With an affirmation the zombie left, leaving Milo alone in the room once more. They glanced up at the ceiling of their tent, “Damien LaVey. Just what are you planning?”

The Children of Seth had lost much in this war, just as everyone else had. But one thing they would not give up on was their base within the basement. For deep within the underbelly of the hotel was the Tomb of Seth, the resting place of their lord. Tending to the tomb are the 24 sages which are then protected by the 24 best warriors of the holey army (24 is a sacred number within the cult as that was how many songs were in the playlist Lord Seth was listening to when stuck down). And as per their teaching, music was blaring the whole time. It had been quiet for some time, so the eldest sage was taking the time to polish the tomb. 

From outside the tomb a scream could be heard from the eldest, causing all other priests and warriors to rush in. The sage had fallen backwards, and was now pointing at the spirit that floated above the coffin, “It-It” came the voice of the sage on their butt, “It came, arose from the coffin” Everyone looked up in awe as the implication was clear, Seth had returned from beyond the grave. 

“Wait, Seth is a guy name, and that’s clearly a lady ghost” Another sage said. 

“Well first off don’t assume gender identities” said a warrior to a less wok sage. They nodded in agreement, “And second what Seth looked like has been lost to time. This beautiful being may well be the great Seth walking the earth once more!” They all bowed, accepting this spirit as their lord. 

“Oh great one, one who was shot by an arrow to soon”

“Haha, shot by an arrow is how I died!” The spirit responds only strengthening the belief of their people. 

“Please guide us. We have waited for your return, tried to live as you would have wished. What would you have us do?” The eldest begged

“Well, let’s crack up that music and call in more people. I got a fresh patch of toilet wine, and I’m here to party!” Polly exclaimed, and thus the late night party at the monster con began again. More members of the Children of Seth died at that party than in the war.

“I’ll admit, you do good work Vi. And since you’re a friend, I can give you 4 jugs of water and a bucket of chicken wings.” Valerie said, setting down the plasma weapon the two undead scavengers. Vicky was about to accept when Brian stepped in. 

“From where?”

“Spooky High Cafeteria” Offer

“KFC” Counter Offer 

“Walmart” Counter Counter Offer

“Deal”, they shook on it. Vera walked out from the back and glanced over at the sale just made. 

“You’re too soft on them Val”, Vera then glanced over at Vicky, “So, do you have any information to sell, or is it just a weapon?” Vicky shrugged

“Not really. Aside from this, the most interesting thing that happened was I saw a few soldiers away from the front lines earlier.” That piqued Vera’s interests. 

“Oh really?” Vera had a good poker fact, but Vicky was just as quick witted and noticed the interest. 

“Yep, and I might be able to tell you more, but I’d need it to be worth my time.” Vera grumbled.

“What do you want?”

“A phone charger” the tension left the room as they all looked in confusion, “...what, I lost my the converter for my neck and my phone is about to die.” Vera thought this over. 

“In case the info is useless, I’ll let you borrow it and charge it here.”

“Deal.” And as Vicky waited by the wall for her phone to charge she recounted the story to Vera. Where they were, How many. The direction they came. The direction they were going. Vera nodded and smiled at the end. Damn, Vicky definitely could have just gotten the charger. 

With a half charged phone Vicky finally turned it on and just stared at the screen, “Oh my god. OH MY GOD! I GOT IT! I CAN STOP THE WAR” She unplugged her phone and with a brief thank you and some high fives to Amira standing by the door they left. 

“What was that about?” Amira said, bemused at her friends. Vera was less amused with a hand on her chin thinking. 

“I don’t know...Okay Val, Amira. Start packing up and closing shop. We’re leaving.”

“Wait, what? Why? Isn’t there still money to be had?” Valerie asked her sister. 

“Maybe, but not for much longer. With Damien working for the Legion now, Vicky having her own plan, and the music from the cult switching from anime OST to club music, this war is coming to a close. Let’s not waste more time here.” Vera grabbed her jacket and began to walk out.

“And where do you think you’re going sis?”

“Oh, I was just told a story that will bring down the Milovers. I’m going to sell that info to the prince of the 8th circle of hell.”

It was difficult for Damien to rise through the ranks of the Dahlia Legion, but he was able to prove himself time and time again. And now that he was at the top, he wanted nothing more than to end this war. But now he just needed something to tip the scale. When he heard Polly had taken over the cult, he saw that as good luck. One player was off the board. And then Vera came to him personally to offer information, how the Milovers keep getting tropes. And then in an odd and almost out of character amount of creative thinking Damien says to this information, “You know what? I’ll pay you double if you sell that information to TAM without telling them I know it.”

And thus Damien finds himself in an ambush position. TAM went out in mass to destroy Milo’s ability to get reinforcements, a worthwhile plan if not for the fact that on the way back, at the top of some escalators rested all of the Legion. As Damien waits above, a scout reports that they are coming back. Not as ragged as anyone would have liked. Probably equal in man power to his own tropes. Damien pulls out a pair of binoculars and looks over the army. He confirms the report himself, but as he looks over the march, he notices a certain embodiment of fear walking in step with a specific backpack on him. Damien let’s out a wicked smile. He waits until the army is right at the bottom of the escalator before making his move. It was time to resort to Damiens third favorite way of getting what we wants, Yelling, “OZ, REALEASE THE HONEY BAGDES RIGHT THE FUCK NOW” 

Oz is on his best days a push over who can easily be compelled to do basically anything if he’s put on the spot. Oz also spent a few major years in high school just following the whims of attractive people. All this has given Oz the natural ability to follow the instructions of attractive people yelling at him on an instinctual level which bring us to the point where Oz only now realizes what they are doing once he’s dumped his bag out, including the honey badgers inside. The honey badgers begin to attack monsters in the army, including Oz who wasn’t in any real danger but was still freaking out. Damien simply looked on and smiled. Sure, he had planned to use the animals as his double secret weapon during the Pokemans tournament but this worked too, “Now CHARGE!!!” And the army dove in, as Dahlias and nerds clashed. In times to come this fight would be known as the Battle of 17 Honey Badgers. 

Only two people would survive the battle, Damien who got both bored and bloodthirsty as he looked over the carnage and started just killing everyone. Oz also survived as he was rescued by Zoe who had deserted and was hiding behind the corner to whisk her boyfriend away to safety. The three then went over to their friends’ food truck. Zoe then sent in their group chat to meet up there once the war was over.

Milo thought they would be having a better day than this. TAM, Seth, and the Legion were all done. But a casualty of that was the loss of the flow of new tropes. And even though Milo didn’t have three extra people to worry about, the same was true for the Federation. And they were going in hard. Milovers still had the raw numbers over the Federation, but for how much longer? 

Earlier their generals gave Milo a few different plans. They were risky to be sure, but they had to press what advantages they had. It was now just a matter of which one to go for.

As they were thinking a knock came from the door, “Who is it?”

“A friend” came a high pitched sing-song voice. Milo smiled and went to open the door.

“Vicky, good to see you.” They gave the undead girl a quick hug as she giggled. The death reaper looked over her shoulder and saw a large but pleasant looking rakshasa where a uniform that reminded Milo of the con before the war. It was a very retro look really. Milo approved, “Who is your big friend”

“Hi there. I’m Davis. I’m an enforcer here. Just letting you know, it’s been 55 minutes. Your panel is ending soon. So start wrapping it up.” And this Milo thought about and looked at their phone’s clock. 

“Oh shoot, I completely lost track of time. I’m sorry. Thanks for letting me know. Vicky, I’m guest starring on a podcast in like thirty minutes. Can you call me a cab while I disband my army?”

“Already called.” 

“Oh you are a lifesaver darling” And thus Milo went out, answered one last question, and then bid their fans goodbye, but reminded them that they were hosting a more casual meet and greet tomorrow afternoon. Vicky was the last person to arrive at the food truck. 

And thus the first Monster Con War came to an end with the Federation being the last ones standing, they were declared the winners. Some monsters never came back from that war, some changed in those 55 minutes. But others lived their lives in blissful ignorance to the horrors of the world around them. Like Scott, who went home early to introduce his family to Hilda. Later that night he joined the rest of his gang at the food truck and entered a taco eating contest with Zoe and Damien. And thus life goes on. 

Chapter Text

When Stan and Lucien LaVey first made their castle they wanted the world to know that despite their love for each other, they were still the unmistakable rulers of the 8th circle of hell. As such anyone who approached and entered would feel that. It was a building designed to be intimidating and uncomfortable, to look at and simply know that you were nothing next to the LaVeys. The Kings of hell were pleased with the design so much that it has remained unchanged to this day, save for updating torture weapons and a newly made statue of Judge Steele, the human who became the hero of hell (Once Damien came back from summer came, he brought Magic the Gathering back with him. It became an instant hit amongst the citizens of hell. Unfortunately Damien didn’t bring a rules book with him, only his vague understanding of how the game worked. As such mistakes were made, one such was a gross misunderstanding on how the Monarch mechanic worked. And after a game of commander where one of the Non-LaVey’s became the Monarch, he sentenced them all to the castle's dungeon. Thankfully one of the souls damned in hell was a level 2 Magic judge named Steele who with their knowledge explained that the monarch doesn’t extend out of game. With that the usurper was overthrown and executed over the attempt. As a reward the kings gifted Steele a free year of rent for a 2 bath flat in Boise, Idaho (it was a score really. 10 minutes from downtown. Popular hangout spots are Dave and Busters, the local Cinaplex theatre, the new Outback Steakhouse, and the drug den where the old Outback Steakhouse was) and commissioned a statue of them in their honor).

However when the two men decided they wanted a family, they felt it wasn’t going to be the best place to raise a child. So they had more layers added to the building. It’s still incredibly unsettling for a human, but for monsters, the décor is simply charming. As Damien grew up, his place was always where his friend group would stay and hang out. This continues on to today. As Damien hasn’t moved out (nor does he have any plans to, because he is both next in line to the throne and is a dad’s boy), when the group of con goers decided they needed a place to stay for the weekend they of course picked Damien’s house, to which Stan and Lucien were more than happy to allow (while the two had always loved war, torture, and violence, it wasn’t until they added the nicer space for Damien that they realized that they both also REALLY like hosting). As such each couple was provided their own rooms except for Scott who elected to sleep at the foot of Polly and Vicky’s bed and Damien who already had a room. 

Speaking of Damien’s room, that’s where he was at present, laying on his bed on his phone as Brian walked mostly naked from the bathroom, “How was the shower? Cold enough for ya?” Damien said in a tone that was either him mocking you or his default tone. It’s hard to tell with him sometimes. 

“Like I’ve said before, I wouldn’t survive the temperatures you like for your showers” Damien made a bemused grunt, and Brian laid down on the bed with him, they let the silence pass between them. After a bit of mindlessly scrolling through their phones a thought crossed Brian’s mind, “Oh, I almost forgot. How was your bank heist?”

“Hu? Oh that. Right. It was fine, but I got bored with it about half way through and left. It’s a bummer really, that was going to be my big thing today and everything.”

“Yeah, but hey. You did almost single handedly stop a war. And you killed a lot of people. That had to be pretty great.”

“Oh yeah. It was metal as fuck!” Another pause filled the room. 

“It was really sweet of you by the way. I know how much you love war, so the fact that you did so much just for me was real nice of you” For how constantly angry Damien can be, it was truly amazing how easily flustered he could get. Truly a man of extreme emotions. 

“Y-yeah. Well...I, I know we agreed to take it slow and just feel it out as we go, which I am totally cool with, but you are, you know, rad as hell. And I should know!” Brian gave a little chuckle at Damien’s bad joke, “And, you know man, I love you. And I want you to be your best and to be able to live you best you know?”

“Yeah, I know. I love you to babe” For how high energy Damien is and how wakey Brian’s life could be, their dating was incredibly simple. They hung out a lot. Went prom together once or twice. But then when it came to the end of summer, during that final night around the campfire Brian asked if they could be more than a summer fling and Damien said yes. No big event, they just decided they like each other. It was oddly mundane for the two, but then again doing something unexpected was right up there with what made them, well, them. 

“So, you’re already naked. Wanna fuck?” 

“...Sure, but when you’re too tired to wake up with the rest of us, don’t complain when we leave without you.”

“Sure sure.” Damien then proceeds to take off his own shirt. The author then decided they didn’t actually want to write a sex scene, so instead the scene changed.

Down the hall, out of earshot of the sounds of sex a Frankenstein’s Monster has already fallen asleep in bed along with her werewolf friend. However, as she reaches for her partner, she only finds empty space (and not like the empty space that can sometimes happen when you reach into a ghost that is intangible at the time). The absence of her girlfriend was enough to make Vicky sit up and open her eyes. Thankfully, she didn’t have to search far as fan favorite Polly was sitting outside on the balcony railing. 

Making her way over she tried to be as quiet as she could to not wake up Scott. She passed her stealth check well as Polly only looked back as Vicky closed the door behind her, “Oh, I’m sorry Boo. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay. It’s kind of early for bed anyway,”' It's 3:54am Monsteropolise time, “And you okay? You’re looking out on everburning souls of the damned like you’re thinking about something.”

“Oh me? No, I’m fine.” It was best, Vicky had learned, to just let Polly say what was wrong when ready. It didn’t normally take long, “I haven’t been going to therapy lately”

“Oh, Polly. Did something happen?” Vicky said full of concern

“No, I’ve just been good lately, and classes have been busy, so I thought I might be fine, but then I was in bed and I knew it wasn’t fine all of a sudden.” Vicky jumped up and took a seat next to her girl on the railing. 

“Well, I’ll save you the speech about how you need to take care of yourself since you’ve heard it before. So I’ll just say that if you want to talk about it then I’ll listen, but we should call your therapist tomorrow and see if we can get you an appointment that morning. I think it’ll do you some good. Does that sound good?”

“Yeah, yeah you’re right. It’s still hard, you know. To admit that something is wrong and that after spending a lot of time to fix it doesn’t go away.”

“Yeah, I know” Both shared a melancholic silence as both monsters just took comfort in each other’s company. That is until they both suddenly felt themselves in a powerful vice grip of muscle and love. 

“I don’t know why I’m hugging you, but I feel like I should be hugging you” The freshly awakened Scott said as he had both his undead friends in a giant werewolf hug. The two women smiled, the tension broken.

“So I guess we are all awake now. Want to go see if anyone else is awake?” And so they first went to check on Damien and Brian, but as they heard groans getting louder and louder from their room, they turned around (except for Polly who phased into their room and wished them good luck scaring the shit out of both of them). They then went to Amira's room and ended up playing board games.

Back in the moral realm (figuratively speaking of course. Non-Hell was home to hundreds of monsters that were basically immortal), another half of a couple was just walking out of the shower. Unlike the quiet that Brian was treated to, Oz was graced with the sounds of a timeless classic, “Is that the old Tick cartoon opening on repeat?”

“Yep!” Zoe said with a gigantic grin on her face. It was hard for Oz to be any more in love with her. 

“So, how was your day? Was it the best Monster Con ever like you hoped?” Oz sat down at the edge of their bed while Zoe jumped onto it. 

“Oh, like you won’t believe. This has been some of the most fun I’ve had in a good long while.” Zoe let out a yawn, the weight of the day finally hitting her. 

“Yeah, it’s been great.”

“Seriously, I don’t know how tomorrow could top it.” Oz suddenly felt the weight he’s been keeping inside of him. He hoped she’d be wrong, “Well, I’m not moving. Nighty night Ozzie.”

“Good night Zoe.” Oz quietly changed into his pajamas, but as he was, he heard Zoe say in her last breath of consciousness, 

“Tomorrow will be the best day ever, nothing could go wrong” Oz suddenly felt a chill down their back. Oh no. No, why did she have to say that?! Zoe should know that the gods of irony were stronger than either of them, so why on earth would she say that?!?!? Oz gets that she’s tired and not thinking straight, but saying stuff like that is how you get someone killed!

A Shadowy figure stands over a freshly made corpse. “No, no. I can’t hide the body in time. But I can’t go back to jail! I need someone else to take the fall here...Someone like, Them!” With a wicked smile, the figure began to lay the groundwork for their most daring crime yet. And best part of all, no one would even know.

As Damien sleeps in his bed, he is incredibly rudely interrupted by the loud ringing of his phone. Saying more than a few swear words he picked up the phone and yelled into it, “What do you want fuckwad?”

“Damien, get to the Con now. We need your help.” It was Brian.

“What? You left without me? And why do you need my help?” 

“Because their has been a murder, and Oz as been arrest for it.” Damien shot up from his bed, eyes now fully open.

“Did he do it?”

“No, Zoe doesn’t think so. He’s been framed.” Damien didn’t respond right away. He knew what Brian was asking of him, but it was a lot. He didn’t know if he even could, “Damien, we need you.” He let out a sigh. 

“Okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Damien flung himself out of bed and made his way to the closest. Most everything in there was a mess, neither Damien or Brian cared much for cleanliness. Still, in the back of a closet rested a perfectly clean suit with a badge on the collar. He looked at it, felt the fabric in his hands, and took a deep breath, “Okay, time to go back to work.”

Next Time: Damien LaVey: Ace Attorney

Chapter Text

May 27
Detention Center
Visitor’s Room

As Damien sat on one side of the glass, waiting for his would-be client, he found himself overcome with nostalgia. It wouldn’t be unfair to assume that Damien had many memories from both sides of the glass. However Damien never ended up here after a crime he was caught doing. He always managed to break himself out before then. So it was the interviewing of clients that really brought back memories. All those lost souls being fucked over by a higher system they didn’t understand. It reminded Damien of his time watching his dad's work. Truly a Nesting Doll of nostalgia. 

A door on the other side of the glass opened up. A guard comes in followed by the embodiment of fear looking like a nervous wreck. He was currently wearing onesie pajamas with the word ‘stud’ written over the chest. Damien didn’t really try to hold in his laughter, “What happened to you noob? Did they take you while Z was still spooning you?”

“N-no. I was getting ice from down the hall when they got me” Oz said, not even looking Damien in the eye.

“You see dude, it’s like I constantly tell you. Always look your best whenever you leave your room. You never know when the police are outside ready to arrest you.”

“I-I know. Sorry Damien” Having needlessly shamed the elder god, he gets to the point.

“Now, Brian and Zoe didn’t give me a lot of details. All they said was that you were arrested, and Zoe was VERY clear that you didn’t do it. So, tell me what happened.” Oz took a deep breath (Despite his lack of mouth or lunges). 

“I honestly don’t know. I-I-I was sleeping with Zoe all night after we went to the food truck. When I woke up I went to get ice from the ice machine down the hall cause Zoe really likes iced coffee with leftover sanity” in her time in the moral realm, Zoe had experimented with all sorts of food to pair with the normal nutritional needs of gods (well, eldritch gods. Gods of things like Love and Hope don't really eat the same things Zoe does. Although one of the things Zoe does eat is love and hope), so much so that she ended up making her own cooking youtube channel about it. The channel really took off when Zoe teleported into the Binging with Babish kitchen to steal some salt. She doesn’t run the channel any more, instead turning it over to the Blood God Blake who now just makes incredibly sharp knives out of different people’s blood. Damien is their number one backer on patreon, “As I turned around a saw the police and they dragged me away”

“Wait, so you don’t even know why you were brought in? What kind of questions have you been asked then?” Damien pulled out a notebook and pen

“NO! T-they just grabbed me. The interviewer asked me some questions about the case but they ran out of those questions quickly, so they’ve just been asking me buzzfeed questions for the past hour. I think they get paid by the qu-question”  As it turns out, Oz is a Ross, belongs to Team Jacob, and fainted during the Myers-Briggs test.

“Hmm, I see. Well then, I guess I’ll just have to explore the crime scene myself” Damien looked down at his notebook. He had drawn a doodle of himself and Brian riding a Pachycephalosaurus (Damien finds it the most relatable dinosaur). A true masterpiece, but not really relevant to the case at hand [Damien’s Sketch has been added to the court Records regardless]. “I’m hesitant to take the case on such little information, but then again Brain did ask me to do it. And Zoe did yell at me earlier when I said no. So I guess I probably should,” Oz looked Damien in the eye, fear’s own eyes shifting to large adorable puppy dog eyes now with hope in them. Damnit, Damien hated how cute he found Oz sometimes, “Although I do have one last question. Oz, did you kill someone last night? Or this morning? Or Whenever the fuck they were killed?”

“N-no!” Damien gave Oz a long hard look. The personification of fear shifted uncomfortably in their chair. Finally Damien sighed, disappointed. Fuck! He was really hoping he’d get to forge evidence and disrupt due process. 

“Dammit man. You take the fun out of being a lawyer for me.” Oz gave a meek apology, “But oh well. I’ll take the case and prove your innocence. Or at the very least figure out how you killed someone without you knowing”

And as Damien walked away to begin his investigation he did not think about the fact that he has broken out of jail many times and has zero problem getting violent with authority and thus should have no problem breaking Oz out of jail. He also didn’t think about the fact that Oz and their girlfriend are impossibly powerful and could easily leave custody whenever. Or the fact that one of their friends is royalty and has gone to war over the most minor of things. Or the fact they had a friend with hundreds of police officers on her payroll. In truth there were a number of ways to resolve this problem without a weird Ace Attorney parody. And with that acknowledged we transition to the next scene.

The first step in this plan was obviously to get a wacky sidekick to help him on his investigation adventure. Unfortunately, this is where Damien ran into their first hurdle. He of course asked Brian first, but he had his own chapter coming later, so he didn’t want to oversaturate himself. Damien didn’t personally think that was possible, but he respected his boyfriend’s wishes. The next obvious choice was asking Miranda, but the last time Damien took Miranda as a sidekick, she killed the judge who overruled their first objection. While Damien wasn’t wholly against such practices, the replacement judge did give Damien a penalty for that, so it was better to be safe than sorry in this case. He also asked Vera, but once the moment he asked her to be his sidekick, she hissed at him and had her guards throw him out. This left Damien without a lot of options, so he elected to just let the next familiar face he meets be his sidekick for the case. And while he was pondering this idea, this familiar face came in the form of a machete slashing Damien back. 

“So, I thought you were a hair stylist?” Jerry the actual known murder asked as the two walked along towards the crime scene, “So you’re a lawyer too?”

“Yeah but Brian convinced me to get a part time job while I was in school,” Jerry was oddly expressive through his hockey mask, so he didn’t really need to ask the question how he got a law degree so quickly out loud. His face/mask did the talking, “Hey dude, I’m a demon. I basically knew how to file a slap lawsuit since I was born,” it is true. In the great library on the eighth circle of hell was the family photo album. One of the first pictures was of Damien scaring an independent investigative journalist, “But that’s not today’s quest. I’m defending a buddy of mine in court for murder, so I gotta dress the part” 

“Okay. Cool. Cool” Jerry responded. And the two continued to walk towards the crime scene. Thankfully that exchange took place only a few blocks away from the Con Center and thus the crime scene. Jerry had just finished telling Damien about how his favorite food was changed to hamburgers for the localization when they arrived. 

It was still fairly early in the morning when Damien arrived at the Con Floor proper as almost no one was here (of course ‘early in the morning’ relativity speaking. It’s like 8:48am. People are awake, but most nerds only just went to sleep. The only con goers up now are weird morning people and those who never went to bed). The fact that a murder had taken place in the lowest level of the hotel didn’t seem to effect the chill energy of an early morning con. Then again, murder isn’t that big of the thing in monster society, so it might not have changed much even if it wasn’t a chill vibe.

The crime scene was located in a storage room, one level below a recently destroyed loading bay (It felt like only yesterday that Damien laid siege to it). The room was full of boxes, most being opened and looked through by the police that were swarming the place, the only people in the building who seemed to care about the body (and even then, only to the extent that it was their job). Despite the number of people here, it wasn’t overly loud, mostly a few conversations here and there are some officers exchanging notes while others focus on their work. The room smelled of old dried cardboard with the smell of iron cutting through. 

In the center of it all (like the literal exact center of the room, both in a Feng Shui and mathematical sense. When Mio came to collect this soul, they couldn’t help but snap a pic of the scene. They then posted a few minutes later one of their stock heartfelt apology videos for posting a dead body on social media), a dead body remained largely untouched. From the looks of it, a Dullahan in their early 30s. They are wearing fairly simple clothes, just a hoodie and some sweatpants. Originally a light grey, part of them has started to turn darker presumably thanks to the pool of blood currently on the floor the corpse is laying on. Only one officer was by the body at the moment. Damien was about to disregard the yellow ‘No Not Cross’ line right before he recognized a familiar face, “Hey, Fellow Student. Is that you?”

An officer hunched over the body turned back to the sound of his own name. He was a suit of armor powered by visible blue flames between the sheets of metal comprising the body. Over the armor was a street office uniform with a black bobby hat on top of the helmet. “Damien LaVey!  What is up my Bruh?” The two produced an elaborate secret handshake known only to themselves and Caulculester (Scott was also supposed to know it as well, but he’s Scott).

“Oh, you know. Just doing my normal Damien LaVey stuff.” Damien said a little out of breath from the handshake. Taking that moment to breathe the demon really took in his old high school friend, “So, you’re in the force now? I’ll admit Fellow Student. I never picture you as a cop.”
 
“Oh yeah. After I finally got my revenge on Johnny Karate,” Damien nodded his head. Everyone was there for the final showdown between Fellow Student and Johnny Karate. It was a battle few others could match. It brought everyone closer together really. Not just as friends, but as a family. Except for Johnny Karate who was very dead now, “I figured I needed something to do with my life. So I figured I’d try out law enforcement for a while. Turns out it’s irresponsibly easy to become a police officer. So, who’s your friend?”

“Oh, this is Jerry. He’s a serial killer I met back at summer camp. They’re going to be my assistant for Oz’s case” a ‘sup’ was given by Jerry, but all FS could do was put long sticky notes on his face with eyes on them. Noticing the subtle gesture the demon asked, “Why the long face FS?” 

“Oh bro dude, I know you’re just looking out for your friend, but this isn’t a fight you can win. And before you say anything, yes, even with your impressive knife collection, I don’t think you can do this. There is just too much evidence against them.”

“Oh please, I’ve been told that before, but it’s never been true” Instead of responding with words, Fellow Student took out their phone and went to their gallery. Since Damien had the attention span of a goldfish, he assumed his friend was about to show him a funny gif. The attorney and assistant huddled around the phone as the video played. Both frequent murders’ eyes went wide as the video played. 

“FUCK!!!”

“Yep. That video was taken this morning from right outside this room. It doesn’t look good for Oz here. But hey, still feel free to wander around if that will help you get paid for this case” Oh shit. Damien forgot to go over his fees. Now the nerd probably thinks this is going to be free! This day just keeps getting worse!

Still the two decided to go at it, see what they could find. 

The defense attorney went over the body. It seemed as he had previously seen, a dullahan in simple clothing. Although at this closer glance a knife could be seen sticking out of their chest. It was a fairly large knife with a wooden handle. Engraved on the was a small purple skull with the text “GOOD JOB! LOVE COACH” on it. 

“I feel like I’ve seen that somewhere before?” Jerry said, looking at the knife. 

“Yeah, Couch gave one out to everyone in the monster scouts, and from what I heard on the weed vine” It’s like a grape vine but from Wanda and Stu, “that a few councilors received knives as well” 

“So that means, the murderer has to fall into one of those groups right?”

“Yep, unfortunately that includes Oz as well,” it also included Damien himself, and while he has definitely killed people with that knife, he saw Coach as a third, more annoying father that he hated as an authority figure. He would never just leave a heartfelt gift in someone else's chest. Come to think about it, Liam doesn’t care about sentimental items, and he received a knife as well (he wasn’t a member of the monster scouts, but since he arrived near the end and Coach recognized him, the tiger man got confused and thought he was always there and thus a knife was given). Damien wrote down that information for later. 

[Liam? Note has been added to the court record]
[Monster Scout Knife has been added to the court record]

He glanced at the blood. There was a lot, and it hadn't fully dried. Damien put a finger in then licked it. It still tasted a little fresh, if not cold. Damien would say it’s been sitting here about an hour meaning the time of death was a little before 7. No detailed backstory or explanation of this. He’s Damien LaVey. He knows his blood. Although to be thorough, he did double check with his assistant who agreed. Beyond the singular pool of blood, Damein noticed a few drops of blood leading away from the body over to some of the boxes “So who were they?”

“Kyle Mark Leo” Fellow Student read from a report, “Local drug dealer. Mostly cocaine, but we didn’t see any drugs or money on them. Our current theory is that Oz was buying drugs and then it went south. Killed him on impulse”

“Yeah, but let me guess. You haven't found any drugs yet?”

“Actually, we found an unopened bag in Oz's backpack.”

“DAMNIT!”

A Few Weeks Ago

One of the ways Oz had learned to help mitigate his own anxieties was to be prepared. Sure, it never helped him completely, but doing his best to make sure he could handle various outcomes made it easier for him to navigate those larger social encounters (or smaller social encounters. The last time Oz went to a Doctor, the Embodiment of Fear brought enough medical supplies incase the doctor had to preform surgery right there in the waiting room). One of the ways that this was not helpful was that it made Oz begin to worry about those encounters far in advance, and being the worrier that he was he would always tend to over pack. Currently he had taken up the whole living room of Zoe and he’s apartment with the clutter he planned on packing either for himself or others.

“Hey Ozzie,” Oz turned to his girlfriend gracefully weaving through the organized clutter. She looked over the mess with some confusion, “No cocaine? I thought you said you were bringing some.”

“I was, but the last time I bought cocaine, Poly didn’t really like it and it turned out to just be high quality sea salt. So instead of trying again, I figured I just wouldn’t bother this time.” A soft smile crossed Zoe’s mouth (don’t matter which one, so you are free to decide) as she through an arm and tentacle over him

“Oh Oz. I know it’s hard to try again after not succeeding the first time, but that's just a place to learn, not to give up. Now come on. I’m heading to the store. You should come with me and we can pick up some drugs while we are out. Sound good?”

“But what if I just end up getting salt again? Or what if something even worse happens”

“No buts and no what ifs. We’ll be sure to get salt free cocaine. And something worse happening? Come on Oz. You’re just a monster with black ‘skin’ who would be carrying around a substance that was largely made illegal due to racism in America. What’s the worst that could happen?” 

“We can get you a detailed autopsy report later once we have someone do a through test, but It seems he died via the stab wound” Damien agreed that the knife through the heart is probably what did it. 

Walking away from the body Damien began to circle the room until he came across a small puddle of something black on the ground next to an empty bottle of oil. The bottle of oil seemed to be the end of the trial of blood as well as the blood stopped with some blood on the bottle. Fellow Student interrupted before Damien could ask, “We think that’s a part of Oz, but we don’t know for sure. There aren’t really multiple Embodiments of Fear walking around for any of us on the force to know. But we sent it back to the lab for more info. But yeah, just more proof that Oz is definitely the culprit.”
[Mysterious Black Oily Substance Next to an Empty Oil Bottle with blood on it has been added to the Court Record]

While Damien was looking around on the ground, Jerry decided to focus on the boxes. None seemed super interesting (little hand soap in bulk, printing paper, iron and copper rods, although one things did catch the killer’s eye, “I found a box of pens”

“So…people write all the time” Damien said, although he still walked over to check. 

“Yeah, but they’re the only thing here labeled as arriving today” Okay, there may not have been a relevance, but that was at least worth looking into. 

Damien was about to open the box with a knife when he saw it had already been opened, just the retaped with normal scotch tape. Noting that he removed the tape (with his knife of course. He already had it out, and it would be rude to not use a knife that was out) to find a box packed with identical pens, labeled with the hotel name. It looked like they used green ink too. The box was also mostly tightly packed, but the top layer was a little loose comparatively. Damien handed the box back to Jerry to continue to look at it.

“Hey, Fellow Student, you know anything about this box of pens”

“Oddly enough I do” If it had been any other box, FS’s answer would have been no. Except for the box of iron rods of course. It was obvious why those were there (the copper rods were still a mystery for all except for the owners of the hotel), “The hotel is doing a bit of a rebranding after the con and that box is the first shipment with the new ink in it. It arrived a little before the murder, so they asked me to bring it down with me as I came down to investigate” Well that seems incredibly straight forward. Why did we even devote time to it then?

“There’s a pen missing” Well, that was nice of Jerry to answer my question, “look here, the top layer is looser than the rest. I think that means a pen was taken” Damien still didn’t know how that related to anything else, but it felt at least important enough to write down [Box of Hotel Pens Added to the Court Record].

Defense Attorney LaVey gave another sweep around the room, but aside from slipping on a marker that was just laying on the group that he took to melt in acid later [Yellow Marker Whose Days are Numbered added to the Court Record] nothing else was really found. As such they began to look over the court records. Damien sighed, but still gave a confident smirk. 

“Well, this is fine,” Damien said, “Sure, it looks bad, but Oz isn’t a runner, and the courts know that. We can pay for bail and have him wait out the trial. I’m sure when the actual court date comes around I can find enough evidence I need for an acquittal. Not the hardest thing in the world. Although I will have to review some case law, see how much precedence exists on justifiable murder if done by a concept. Maybe I could even argue that this counts as an act of god if I can’t find enough evidence. Hell yeah! We got this!”

And like his job was to rain on his parade, Fellow Student interrupted, “Sorry dude, but that won’t be happening. Apparently this drug dealer was the District Prosecutor’s dog walker,” What is the economy coming to when a drug dealer needs to supplement their income with side jobs, “So the dude is out for blood. The trial will be later today”

“Oh FUCK SHIT ASS DAMNIT ALL TO HELL!!!” Damien cursing was so angry that the three periods to denote an ellipsis had been turned into explanation points, “!!!...Okay. Okay. Fine. I don’t get to review course law. So I guess that means that I need to do more investigating while things are fresh. Let’s go Jerry,” Damien then turned to his high school friend and extended his hand, “Thanks for the help Fellow Student. You really do embody Bros Before laws”

“Tubular”

The whole hotel had not been converted into a playground for the nerds of Monster Con. Instead, only the bottom floors had. Accessible by stairwell or elevator, the actual rooms of the hotel were high above the chaos below. Or at least that was the intention. But just as a cat will begin to make a mess of furniture no matter how hard you try, let a number of geeks occupy a space for more than 5 hours and the place begins to smell of cheetos and mountain dew. Let them spend the night, and anime posters have already been put on the wall. Those posters are what made Damien know they were getting close to Oz and Zoe’s room (Damien never being one to respect others personal pace thought it was the logical next place to go). 
Damien knew he arrived proper when he saw the poster on the wall:

SATURDAY AT THE POKEMANS ARENA
TWO RIVALS 
WHO WILL PROVE TO BE THE ULTIMATE DEMON

Along with the text was a picture of Damien himself and Dahlia. Both were drawn in an exaggerated and highly detailed JoJo style (which I guess means that both the manga/anime JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure exists in this world and also Stands are real? The nature of the world and its relation to fiction is so bizarre). 

“You have a fight with your rival coming up?”

“No, well, yes, but no, but GRRAAAHH!!” Oh yes Damien, resort to violence when asked a question with a more complex answer then yes or no, “A) She’s not my rival. We solved that problem a while ago. It was anime as hell. 2) We are both in the Pokemans Tournament tonight. So it won’t be until then. She’s not even here anyway. She has to squash an uprising and probably won’t be here until that chapter…of the day when the tournament happens” Well that was a weird way to say that. Damien ripped the poster off the door, not wanting to spread the lie of their rivalry any more than already is. 

Damien then tried the door and found that it would not budge. Then he pushed harder. Then he body checked the door to no avail. Looking at the location he had available it seemed that the bedroom was not an option. The only other new place aside from the hall was the ice machine at the end of the hall. So Damien guessed that’s where he should go next. 

The room itself was fairly uninteresting, simply the end of a hallway. On the back wall were two machines. The first being the ice maker. The next to it was a Coca-Cola vending machine with all the drinks out save for water. On the wall next to the ice maker was a door that was labeled as an emergency exit (it also said “Do Not Open Or Alarm Will Sound”, but Damien had long ago mentally blocked out any sentence that begins with “Do Not”). On the wall by the vending machine was a long and slender tool with multiple rodes present to allow people to climb it and find greater elevation. On the ground was a bucket and small shovel in a pool of water. The demon takes to the bucket first. 

Both were small, no logic based mini game required to figure out they go to the ice machine. Neither were cold to the touch. They’d been like this for a while. Probably Oz’s right before he was taken. 

The next thing Damien tried was the emergency exit. It might lead towards the basement, Damien thought, so it was worth checking out. However to his surprise it actually wouldn’t open, “Real shitty emergency door” Damien then proceeded to bodycheck the door about 3 times before it finally gave at which point an alarm started blaring. Not seeing how this was his problem, Damien elected to ignore it [Shitty Emergency Exit added to the Court Records]. 

Following that is a 10 minute long search where Damien clicked on every object in the room however none added anything new to the court records. It just led to amusing back and forth between Jerry and Damien. Without any other options Damien began to walk away only to be stopped by Jerry once more. 

“Wait, aren’t you going to check the ladder?” Damien grunted in response

“First dude, it’s a step ladder. And second no. Checking on step ladders during an investigation never offers anything useful. Later noob.” This time Jerry did not follow. Once he arrived in front of Oz and Zoe’s door he found that he couldn’t actually enter the room as it was still not available. He then went to the Detention Center only to find that Oz was in the middle of questioning. Going back to the crime scene also seemed pointless as there was no new evidence to click on. Damien tried presenting all his evidence to Officer Fellow Student but his only response to all of it was “Sorry Bro. I don’t know anything about that, but it seems Lit Yo,” so that was not real help. Finally, dejected, Damien returned to the step ladder.

“It’s totally a ladder.” Oh yeah. And Jerry too. And despite the resigned nature of Damien’s return, the attorney was still willing to die on some hills. 

“See those steps? On the ladder? IT IS A STEP LADDER!” Damien pulled out a knife to help strengthen his argument. Jerry responded in kind

“All ladders have that! IT’S A LADDER” Jerry yelled taking a step closer

“WELL THEN, I GUESS THE ONLY WAY TO FIGURE THIS OUT IS TO ASK IT!” Damein took a step closer as well.

“THEN I GUESS WE WILL” Step

“YEAH” Step

“YEAH” Step

“HEY ARE YOU A LADDER OR A STEP LADDER?!” Damien yells while the two are now close enough to smell each other’s breath, both knives now piercing each other. Sense Damien isn’t in an open relationship he is passionately trying not to this about how erotic this is to him (intimacy plus yelling and knife wounds are, it turns out, the fastest ways to Damien’s heart). Breaking the sexual tension however is the sound of metal beginning to twist. 

“Well hi y'all, I’m non-binary so I don’t identify as either ladder or step ladder. But you can call me Yancy.” Said Yancy. Jerry was currently speechless, not sure how to understand Yancy’s existence. Damien on the other hand saw this as an opportunity. 

“Yancy. Were you here when the embodiment of fear was taken by the police?”

“Well shucks? You mean that shadowy fella? thin as a twig? Yeah I was here, just leaning.” 

“Tell. Me. Everything.” Damien got out his notebook. 

“Well, it wasn’t much really. I was just sitting here, thinking about fruits, when this guy came it smelling like waffles,” neither ladders nor step ladders are naturally able to smell. However, every sense Yancy first heard of a scented candle they knew they needed to go out and understand them. So they worked tirelessly to gain this ability beyond their people. They trained with monks specializing in the art of sniff. They took course after course of organic chemistry to understand the science of smells. They even made a deal with Dimitri to join the dark side for the ability to understand aromas. Some would argue that it was not worth the effort at that point but Yancy disagrees. They think it was well worth the effort (except for the first time they tried to sniff one of those candles. It smelled like pineapple and it turns out they don’t like that smell), “Sounded like they were humming a song from an old cartoon. They filled up the ice bucket and was walking back when a group of Monsteropolise’s finest ran into the room and grabbed him. The poor soul was stammering the whole time he was being dragged out.” [Yancy’s statement was added to the court record]. 

“Well, that wasn’t particularly helpful. Those were all already known.” Jerry said annoyed like this affected him in any way. Damien however had a more somber look. 

“I’m not sure.” It’s true. On the surface, nothing seemed new with that account, but something just seemed...off? Like something was just wrong about all that. Still, deciding to file that inclination away for another time the two gave Yancy farewells and left the hallway. To Damien’s delight, as he walked, he saw that a new location had been added to his list of options.

The hotel room was spacious, but nothing overly fancy. Right next to the door was another door that led into a bathroom. Just beyond that was a closet. The room proper had only a few furniture pieces. One large king-sized bed on one wall with two desks on the opposite wall. A nightstand existed on either side of the bed. Two chairs with lambs rested near the window as well. It wasn’t a lot, but was a good size for the two dorks. It was also a complete mess. The hotel is a segmented clutter with each corner seemingly removed and organized from the others but beyond that it was nothing but chaos (If Damien was a bit more receptive of his friends and their histories he might have wondered if this chaotic location might just be how Zoe likes to keep her places as she has her own chaos dimension. He wasn’t like that however and was instead just judgmental despite the fact that his and Brian’s room at his home was no better).

“Okay Jerry. We got a lot to look over, so let’s spread out.”

“Got it.” And as Jerry went to the beds while Damien started at the desks.

On one of the desks was a pile of fire hazards in the form of a bunch of electronics all plugged into various outlets and clustered together. Damien could respect the disregard of safety. The other desk was covered in paper. Some were drawings, probably Zoe’s given the generous propositions of the various unwitting models in it (the only one who was drawn appropriately was Scott whose penis really was that big). Others were writing, probably also Zoe if the prose was of any indication. It looked like a few of them were actually edited as well with pen. The Handwriting was different so it was probably Oz. The edits themselves were in green ink, a direct contrast to the purple that made up the rest of the writing. Skimming the paper for anything useful he ended up seeing a draft for a chapter to an erotic pirate Damien x Brian fic Damien had been following religiously since Zoe started posting it. Seeing no reason not to, Damien quickly pocketed the fic to read through later [Edited Manuscript added to the court records]. Damien was about to move on to the pile of discarded cosplay outfits (by Damiens counts there were about 9 different costumes in the pile, but Damien could only guess what kind of cross cosplays existed throughout yesterday’s convention) when Jerry chimed in.

“There are a lot of sports magazines here. Your client a big sports person?” He lifted up a suitcase full of magazines with various page notes in them.
 
“Oz could take it or leave it, I think. Zoe on the other hand knows a surprising amount about sports. Men’s Volleyball. Battle Royals. Host Clubs. Other Men’s Volleyball. Relatively recently Skateboarding. She’s oddly knowledgeable on all of them. Although I don’t know if I’ve ever actually seen her watch or play any?” Satisfied with the answer Jerry set them down and made his way into the bathroom to investigate (while exploring the couples make-up supplies, Jerry found a shade of blush that would work for his complexion, so he swiped it sense he was looking for some anyway. His next murder victim in about 3 hours would say in the afterlife the Jerry was positively glowing). Damien made his way over to the bed as well from the other side this time. On a nightstand was a plate of breakfast, waffles, cold and uneaten [Breakfast has been added to the court record]. 

Laying on the ground was a box labeled ‘Bunch of Kinky Sex Stuff’. Curiosity getting the better of him, Damien opened the box. A blush, clear and distinct from the demon’s already red skin appeared over Damien [Box of Kinky Sex Stuff added to the Court Record]. Feeling shame for going through others belongings for the first time in his life Damien felt it was his time to go.
 
“Well Jerry.” Damien called into the bathroom, “I think we’ve found everything I’m going to find out here. Any luck in the bathroom?”

“Unless you think a gallon of conditioner will be useful,” Damien agreed that it probably wasn’t.

“In that case let’s go fuck mask. I got one more place I want to be.” And with a sure from Jerry, the two walked out of the hotel room and off to try and figure out one last thing that Damien had been wondering (And to also seriously wonder what they needed all those handcuffs for in their sex box. They only had 8 limbs between the two of them. Right?....RIGHT!?)

Oz was already in the Visitor’s Room when Damien arrived. Apparently Oz’s cellmate started singing along to the song Oz was humming at one point. Binge so modified that they were heard, the embodiment of fear decided to just wait in here in case someone showed up. The reignited attorney arrived just before a guard was going to escort Oz back to their cell. “So, h-how does it look?”

“You’re boned” Jerry said. At that harshness, Oz looked to his friend for reassurance only to be met with a nod in agreement. It was Damien after all. 

“Oz, I’m going to be honest with you. It doesn’t look great for you. Everything is stacked against you right now. They even have you on video footage of you walking away from the murder scene in the basement.”
 
“What?! But I wasn’t anywhere near there this morning!” Oz pleaded from the other side of the glass. Damien instead sighed. 

“Yeah, about that noob. I saw the video. That seemed like you. What’s more, I think you lied to me earlier when you said you only went to the ice machine in the morning” A notable gasp came from Jerry at the small revelation, “Now, I have some ideas going, and I’ll have to go over my notes once more. As long as the opposing counsel is super lame (which lets face it, they’ll be up against me so probably), but you need to be honest with me.”

“Well, well, well. Isn’t this an interesting situation Friends Damien and Friend Oz (As well as Jerry who is also here) find themselves in.” Damien turned around in his seat with some excitement as he recognized the voice of his favorite robo-bro. However that excitement soon turned to dread as he looked at the robot. It was indeed Calculester, but it was Calculester wearing a suit! Damien instantly knew what this meant.  

“No way Cal! You aren’t taking this case from me! This is my first one in years and I will not have you take the joy of destroying people on the witness stand away from me!” Calculester :) turned into a :( accompanied with a sad beeping noise.
 
“I apologize Friend Damien for it seems I have misled you with my appearance. I am not here to steal your client, Friend Oz. I am instead here-”
 
“Oh, you want to be co-councils on this. Well, I appreciate the offer, but I don’t really want to share the spotlight on this. If you’re willing, I wouldn’t mind if you joined as my assistance counsel however, I’d just have to kick out Jerry which wouldn’t be too bad. I never really liked him anyway” Damien said, once again missing the point of why the library computer is here (and hurting Jerry’s feelings a little bit). 
 
“I am sorry, but I will not be battling alongside you today. Instead I shall be fighting against you friend Damien.” There was a notable quiet in the room as the words sunk into everyone present. That is until it was broken by-
 
“What the fuck Cal!? What happened to our oath?”
 
“I’m sorry friend Damien, but I am unsure on what you mean. The two of us have been part of many oaths, together and separately. Could you please specify?”
 
“Oh course I could you traitor. June 17th of an undetermined year. 11:57 a.m. Ring any bells?”
 
“Scanning through memory files with new parameters. Scanning…Scanning…Match found. But Friend Damien, you are currently not fighting Narwhals. I do not see how this relates.”
 
“Oh, then try June 18th?”
 
“Scanning…Scanning…Match found. Oh yes, I see what you mean, but friend Damien you did not uphold your end of the agreement. And while I was not and am still not angry at you (as I have no feelings), I take oaths very seriously. I literally put them in my code. As such, we shall have a battle of wits today, Friend Damien. And sense I am much smarter than you I would recommend you use your remaining time to, as our fellow lawyer Aaravi says, ‘Get Good’. Goodbye Friends”. And Calculester left the room. Not a second passed before before Damien started throwing chairs around the room swearing profusely.
 
“MOTHER FUCKIN PIECE OF METAL AS SHIT CAUSE IF IT WAS METAL THEN IT’D BE COOL SO HE’S NOT METAL AT ALL” Imagine that by like for 5 minutes. The temper tantrum even eventually leads to a calmed down Damien however (and a guard with a concussion after they got hit in the head with a chair the fourth time). After about a minute more, Jerry finally asked the question on both his, Oz, and the guard’s mind.

 “So that’s bad I take it?”
 
“Like you wouldn’t believe. Like, I’m the best lawyer in the world, but if I was to pretend that someone else was better. It would be Cal. The dude is like a computer with how quickly he can find information” Damien said without a hint of irony or self awareness, “If we’re going to beat him we’ll need to be at our very best. Which means,” Damien stares down his client. Oz flinches, “Tell. Me. Everything!”
 
“O-okay. I-I didn’t mean to lie. I just didn’t think it was important. I swear. This morning I thought I’d be a good boyfriend. So, I woke up a little earlier than normal so I could get Zoe breakfast. As I was heading out, I noticed a draft from the next chapter to one of her fixes so I thought I’d help edit it a little while I waited for waffles. I forgot to grab a pen, so I had to get one from the front desk. I got my waffles and made my way back to the hotel room. Zoe was still asleep, so I went to get some ice before she woke up. That’s when the police grabbed me. And that’s it! I-I swear! Y-You got to believe me!!” Oz’s speech got faster and faster until tears began to form under the embodiment of fear. Damien looked his client up and down. What he said matched the evidence, but there was still concern about the validity. After all, Damien saw the video of Oz walking away from the murder scene. That was hard to ignore. Still, looking at the tears going down the fearling’s face, the fear and concern that had overcome fear itself was something Damien didn’t really know how to deal with. He was only kind of sensitive sometimes. So, it was moments like this that made Damien have to look in on himself and find the right approach with the wisdom his own lawyer mentor gave him.

‘Now Damien, I’ve never been a lawyer, but I imagine it must be something like being in the middle of an undercover bear attack. Everything seems uncertain as you never know where the next claw may come from. Still, That doesn’t mean you lose hope. Think it through. Dig in your heels. And above all, trust your friends and always believe in yourself! Because you need all of that to survive a BEAR ATTACK!” Then Coach jumped at Damien while wearing a bear costume.

“Oz,” Damien said, finding resolution in his mentor’s old words, “Do you remember what I said to you the first time we had sex?”
 
“Oh God, that was disappointing?”
 
“No, after that.”
 
“Quit crying you noob, you’ll be fine?”
 
“Exactly! So quit crying! Sure, things look bad now, but if everything you’ve told me is true, then we have the strongest weapon of all against Calculester. The TRUTH!!!” As Damein said this he refused to let his smile go away. This also was not a toothy smile with murderous intent in his eyes. Instead this was a smile of confidence. It had the desired affect as it convinced Oz to literally suck up their tears (when you are an elder god, you can do some real creepy things). Jerry was also smiling but Oz couldn’t see thanks to the hockey mask.
 
“O-Okay. Yeah. The Truth!”
 
“Okay. Now, I have some research to do as well as go over all the evidence once more. So get some rest over the next few days. We’ll need you at full strength for the trial.” Stratified with himself, Damien stood up and began to turn around. 
 
“But the trial is in 20 minutes”
 
“OH MOTHER FUCKER!! HOW DID I FORGET THAT!?”

Chapter Text

As Damien, Jerry, and Oz entered the Courtroom Waiting Room, Brian, Amira, and Zoe were already there. Amira had finally changed out of her suit into a red crop hoodie and light blue jeans. Brian was wearing their default black shirt and pants with a green jacket. Zoe, not wanting to waste her Sunday morning cosplay, was currently dressed as Tsumugi Shirogane (she decided to paint her tentacle instead of wearing a wig). And with Oz still in his PJs and Jerry has no alternate costumes. Damien suddenly felt a bit self-conscious about being the only person here actually dressed for court.

Seeing her boyfriend for the first time in what feels like a lifetime (it’s been maybe an hour and a half), Zoe runs over to Oz and goes into a comforting hug. The warm embrace then turns into comforting makeouts. The rest of the monsters present politely ignore it. “Looks like we’re missing three noobs today. What? The biggest day of my professional career not a good enough reason for them to show?” Damien asked his two remaining friends. 

“Well, first off Polly is out taking Scott on his morning walk. And Vicky…” Amira paused her explanation and grew contemplative for a moment before continuing, “I actually don’t know where Vicky is. Haven’t seen her today.”

Vicky stared down her appointment with one eye, the other currently having blood in it. She glanced down not even for a second, the floor was covered in blood. She should probably be concerned how much of it is hers. Despite the beating and blood loss however, she still remained standing Black Parade with her all the while. 

Standing across from her in better shape (although with a few burn marks here and there) was a large Swamp Monster with his own Stand behind him. The Stand wasn’t so humanoid like other Stands Vicky had seen. Instead it seemed to be a wooden zebra mask coming out from it, long and straight drift wood all then covered in a coat of thin twigs tied together with string. 

“You may have a good head on your shoulders Vicky Schimdt'' The enemy Stand user said, “But you and your stand are truly no match for the raw power of my own stand Africa by Toto!” He says as if someone wouldn’t think of Toto’s song with that name, “With its power I can divide up anything by the whims of a bunch of european men with no regard to anyone’s opinion! Also I can turn into a giraffe!! Bwahahahahahah!!!!” As the laughter continued Vicky looked up in horror as the Swamp Monster shifted and grew, losing their scales and gills, turning into a completely normal giraffe.

“And what do you mean, ‘the biggest day of your career’?! Our friend is on the chopping block here! And you’re a hairstylist!” Amira yelled, her flame getting brighter.

“Yeah, I know Oz is in trouble!” Damien said, matching yell for yell, “But It’s more than just helping them. I’m going up against Cal today.” While Amira looked fairly uninterested in that response, it seemed to have more weight with Brian. 

“Cal is the prosecutor for this case? This is bad then. I told you Babe. You should have just upheld your end of the bargain.”

“Hey! It’s not that easy!”

“Cal literally just asked you to pick up a can of motor oil on your lunch break, and you never did,” Damien blushed with embarrassment. Amira looked annoyed. The makeout noises unrelated intensified in the background. Brian’s expression didn’t change, “But I’m not here to fight. That’s your job today. So, how do you feel?”

“I mean, not great. It’s Calculester after all. And I could have used a trusted assistant during the investigation” Damien said, looking squarely at his boyfriend. 

“Yeah, but my storyline is later today. No need to over-saturate myself.”  

“Oh please. Like anyone could get bored of you.” Damien and Brian shared a smile. Damien wasn’t always the best at public displays of affection, so the zombie appreciated moments like this. Amira, not finding the same appeal of watching either love birds make eyes at each other that Vicky does, went over to Jerry.

“So, what do you got going on man?”

“Nothing much. Just being a sidekick. Look! He’s letting me hold the court records!” Jerry said, holding up a duffle bag with the same excitement that a kid would when their parents let them hold a bloody axe they just used to kill a newly wed couple…What are you looking at me for? Didn’t we all have that experience?

“You sure all of this will be useful?” Amira said as she inspected the bag, “Cause I gotta say, not sure how most of this relates.” 

“I mean yeah. Some of that stuff I stole just cause I thought it’d be funny, but I’ve been in court long enough to know that it’s impossible to say what you’ll need before court starts.”

“Yeah, but did you really need to grab...what is this? A poster of you and Dahlia fighting?” Suddenly the room was filled with an uncomfortable quiet as everyone felt a chill run down their spine. 

“Ÿ̸̙̫̪̠̫́̎̅͂̈́̒͠o̴̢͓̬̖̮͋̍̈́̈́̈́͊͂͘̚U̵̯̝̒̊̍ ̷̡̟̩̝̲̣̦̳̫̺̈́̾͒͌͘͜T̷͔̼̼̤̳̬̪͍̭̬̘̒͒͗́͛͌̚Ŏ̶̙̘̝̲͔͍̀̈́̾́͘͜o̶͉͎̱̹̻̻͈͕͒͋͋̒̒̿̚̕ḵ̴̪̰͙̤̹͎͒̍ ̷̛̛̠̮̘͕̜̥̥̈́͂́̓̉̀̕͜ͅD̵͔̘̃̎̈́̓̏̾͐̕͝ö̶̢̙̱̖́̓̅͋̄͒̌͝W̵̢̢̘̬͎̤͓̳̃̃̏͛̿͂̓͊̈͗̍̊n̴̡̢͓̥̜̘͖͉̳̾̈́̅ ̸̮̾̽͋̋̅̽̎̓̓M̷̠̳̹͎̣̫͔̗͔̗̹̹̈́̃̄̕Ỷ̵̩͑͂̓͂̇̔͠ ̷̨͍̯̐͗P̶͍̳̝͚͇͊̽͆̃ǒ̴̤̺̠̭̚s̵̡̛͔͇̥̹̭̻̥̉̌͂̒̑̾̚̚t̶̹̱̹̯̓͛E̵̦̻̺̬̝͂̓̏͒͑̽̇R̷̢̢̟̘̙̟͇̭̠̃͆͆̄̂!̴͖̭̭̣͈̰̦̻̠͓̓́͆͐͐̊̍!̶̡̪̟̯̥̬̐̓͌͊̾̐!̸̨̙̉̔͊̾̓”

The courtroom was truly like any other in whatever country this place was. Two benches on opposite sides of a large room with rows above for an audience. In the center back was a small podium for those to come in and give their testimony. And overlooking the whole location was a large chair. Currently sitting on top of said very big chair was an old human man wearing black robes, bald on the top of his head and a long grey beard hanging from his chin. He was one of the few humans who had gained respect in monster society despite no magical powers or murderous tendencies. He was the Judge.

Standing on both benches were former friends, now rivals in this battle of justice. On one side a robot with a smile on his face that reflected his own confidence. The other side, a demon who wore a stern face that only went skin deep. The two never break eye contact, only looking away from their opponent when the sound of a gavel echoed through the courtroom. And like many previous scenes, Jerry was also there.

“Court is now in session for the trial of Oz Rashid-Yu-Schmidt. Is the prosecution ready?”

“Yes we are Friend Your Honour”

“And is the defense….Damein LaVey? It’s been years since I’ve seen you in the courtroom.”

“Very true. The defense is also ready for your honor.” The Judge closed his eyes for a minute, nostalgia washing over him, some of the most amazing displays he had ever seen in a courtroom (and some of the most violent which is impressive given just how violent the human prosecutors could be). With one more swing of his gavel he moved those memories away. He could reminisce another time. Justice needed to be served to the newly lost first. 

“Mr. Hewlett-Packard, your opening statement if you please.”

“My Pleasure Friend Your Honor,” Calculester pulled out a piece of paper and began to read through it. He didn’t actually need to read it, but through many trials he has found that people respond better when he is holding a piece of paper, “Today’s trial is over the murder of known drug dealer and local dog/werewolf walker Kyle Mark Leo. It is the prosecution’s assertion that Mx. Leo was meeting the defendant in order to sell cocaine, only for the deal to go south. Oz Rashid-Yu-Schmidt during these events then stabbed the victim. A more detailed explanation can be found the autopsy report,” The library computer turned love interest turned lawyer proceeded to chuck a file square at Damien’s head [Autopsy Report added to the Court Record], “As this case goes on, I shall prove-” 

And Damien stopped paying attention. Instead he started looking though his most recently acquired evidence (his head was fine by the way. Demons, like goats, had evolved thick skulls to withstand headbutts and people trying to explain things to them). 
Victim's Name: Kyle Mark Leo
Time of Death: 6:50 a.m. Earlier today
Cause of Death: Knife wound leading to blood loss. 

Okay, not a lot to go off of, but it did confirm at least one important thing, the time of death. And sure Damien had already accurately guessed that earlier, but he’s learned from experience that his detailed knowledge of dead bodies isn’t exactly admissible in court (the last time someone tried to question Damien's knowledge in court it was over how long it takes for a gnome to be drained of blood from a lost arm. That judge was NOT happy when Damien did a practical demonstration to prove his point). The knife wound is also a nice thing to confirm. Sure, another thing Damien already figured out, but at least it didn’t say something completely out of left field. Yeah, no surprises here at least. 

“And that is how I shall prove the defendant’s guilt” FUCK! Damien was too busy reading three lines of text! He didn’t pay attention to what was being said at all! But still, no worries. This is Cal. As far as Damien was concerned, his opening statement probably just bored everyone to sleep. And to prove it, Damien decided to listen to the audience.

“Well that must be right” “Yeah, he was reading from paper and everything. Only smart people do that” FUCK!!!

“Mr. LaVey, do you have any opening remarks?” The Judge said, snapping Damien out of his defeated idle animation.

“Uh...no?” Damien said, still fumbling a bit. Everyone looked at him with confusion. Then it dawned on him what was the matter, “Oh, my bad. I mean, No Your Honor!” Yes, because the problem was obviously that Damien didn’t say it with confidence. Still, it had the response the prince of hell wanted, everyone moved on. 

“Very well,” The Judge began again, “With that done, could the prosecution bring out their first witness?”

“Of course Friend Your Honor. The prosecution calls Officer Fellow Student, formally Detective Officer Enchanted Armor, to the stand” And as soon as he was called, Fellow Student appeared on the witness stand from the either. His policemen’s get up had not changed since Damien had seen him twenty minutes ago. Although the defense had to admit, he did look a little more sheepish. 

“Witness, please state your name and occupation.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m Officer Fellow Student. I work at the MPD and I was put in charge of this investigation. Although if I’m completely honest, I don’t know why. I mean, I’m still a rookie”

“YOU’VE BEEN ON THE FORCE FOR OVER 20 YEARS!!! YOUR WIFE STILL ASKS IF YOU’LL EVER COME HOME! GOD, WHAT DID THAT SCHOOL DO TO YOU?!” Called out the police chief from the stands. He was ignored. 

“I see. Well, regardless as to why you are in front of us, I’m sure you’ll do your job.”

“Agreed Friend Judge. Now, would Friend Officer Fellow Student please give his recount of the body?”

“Sure thing!” 

It looks like a pretty normal drug deal gone wrong to me
Oz showed up to buy cocaine from the victim which we later found in Oz’s bag
But the deal went south, Oz pulled out a knife and stabbed Mx. Leo
Afterwards he quickly left the basement
Given that we found them right next to a stairwell that does go to the basement
We assumed that he used the stairwell to make his way up there.

“Oh, I see. A drug deal gone wrong. I would think an alumni from Spooky High School would have enough sense to avoid such a horrible situation,” The Judge was friend with Coach (both being named after a profession and all) and thus had a horrible misunderstanding of the moral fiber coming out of that school, “But, what’s done is done. Mr. LaVey, you may now cross examine the witness. Tell me, would you like a tutorial before we begin? It has been a while.”

“No Your Honor. I’ll be good.”

“Very well” And then the judge brought down their gavel which granted Damien the ability to travel backwards, forwards, and even stop time, but only the context of this cross examination. 

And thus, Damien went back and forth throughout the dialogue, checking his evidence, then going back through the dialogue once more. For everyone in the courtroom, it was as if no time had passed. For Damien it was about twenty minutes. It wasn’t that hard all things considered, but there was a little bit of conflict internally. And when there is internal conflict, you press!

“Oz showed up to buy cocaine from the victim which we later found in Oz’s bag”

“HOLD IT!” It’d been a while sense Damien  “Officer Fellow Student, you claim this bag was bought by my client right before the murder, but you have nothing to back that up. How can you make such a claim without proof!?” 

“Now, hold on Bro. I admit we don’t have anything direct, but not a lack of trying. I sent an officer to every local drug dealer to ask if they had any previous record of sale, but they all ran away for some reason. We tried man” The officer then put some sad eye sticky notes on his helmet to signify sadness.

“Furthermore,” Calculester said getting out his prop paper again, “It is not as if your client saved any proof of purchase either,” In the stands, Zoe cursed herself for saying no when her regular dealer asked if she wanted a recite, “And besides it hardly matters in the grand scheme really. After all, we do not bring this up, saying that it is indisputable. Instead, it is one piece of the case” And thus time looped once again within Damien control. Oh well, no penalty for a hold it. But at least now he was confident he knew what to do. 

“We assumed that he used the stairwell to make his way up there.”

“OBJECTION” His figure was on point. The normal courtroom music stopped, replaced with silence. His voice echoed through the courtroom, so powerful that the courtroom next door halted as they thought one of the lawyers objected. Damien, despite the nerves that he would deny having, was finally in a place he felt comfortable with in this court. Proving he was better than others, “What the Once Detective here said doesn’t actually make sense with how the building works”

“Oh really? I’ve never been there myself Mr. LaVey, so if you wouldn’t mind explaining?”

“With pleasure. May I direct the court's attention to this,” Damien then pulled out a hotel door he had ripped off its hinges (both Damien and Oz happened to pay attention the day Councilor The Doctor showed the Monster Scouts how to make the most of limited spaces), “This is an [Emergency Exit Door] for the hotel. In fact, it was the very one on Oz’s floor. And if Oz did use it like the prosecution claims, then we have some problems. First off, despite its current state, the door was actually very stuck when I first investigated it.”

“OBJECTION! Even if it was stuck, which we have no way to prove now, there is nothing to say that Oz didn’t jam it as a way to cover their tracks. And while I don’t like to think ill of my friends, past experience has shown me that I really should more often. As such, a stuck door isn’t enough. Friend Judge, please overrule Friend Damien’s objection.”

“It’s a valid point. I think I agree with Mr. Hewlett-Packard on this one,” Damien nodded to the judges comment.

“You do?!” Both Calculester and Judge said at once.

“Of course. That’s why I said first after all. So shut up and listen fuck faces. When I did manage to get the door open a loud siren started blaring. And for how quick you claimed that the police got my client, you must have heard those sirens. Right Officer Fellow Student?”

“Wwell, yeah. We didn’t hear an emergency alarm until after you went upstairs.”

“Exactly. You’re Honor. Not only did they not hear an alarm during the arrest, but they could hear it all the way from the basement when I opened it. So clearly that door. Was. Not. Opened!”

“Very well Friend Damien, I concede this point to you. However, there is more than one way for your client to get up several floors. It has been established in previous chapters that the Embodiment of Fear can teleport. They could have simply traveled between shadows to reach their floor.” Calculester reasoned. 

“That’s a fair point. Mr. LaVey, do you have any reason to think that your client didn’t teleport?” Calculester looked over to his friend, expecting nerves to show. A ? then covered the robot’s face as Damien’s face held a confident smirk. 

“Breakfast.” Damien paused to allow murmurs of confusion to ripple through the stands, “I have a [Statement Here from a Person Named Yancy]. They were there when my client was arrested. And they had an interesting thing to report. Oz smelled like waffles.” 

“No!” For the first time Calculester’s calm posture faltered and the meaning behind that declaration sunk in. The Judge reacted as well with understanding. 

“Yep. It is such a well known fact in our world that I don’t even need to say it, but I will anyway. Teleportation is impossible with Waffles!” It’s true, and no one has even been able to figure out why. The answer seemed to just be beyond the grasps of the smartest scientists and the wisest mages. It was so iron clad that not even the gods themselves (Oz and Zoe) could break the rule. This fact of the universe was so well known that no one even had to bring it up before now to make it clear this was how that evidence would be used in the case. God, I hope this mystery is never read by someone from a world where waffles have different properties or teleportation isn’t real. Someone then might think this was a lazy plot reveal instead of the clever foreshadowing that it truly is, “And before anyone tries to claim that it may have been waffle scented cologne or deodorant, we found waffles in Oz’s room. So Clearly Oz did have to physically travel up with those waffles.” The judge was floored, and from Damien’s guess, was about to pronounce not guilty on the spot. Calculator was also shocked, his face now replaced with an ! Unfortunately, Damien read that sign of defeat wrong. 

“I see,” Calculester began. “So what you are saying is that Oz, after killing someone, teleported up to the breakfast area, got some waffles to go along with the drugs, then went up normally?”

“What? No!” Damien said, getting out his pointing finger again, “We claim that Oz was never there.”

“Yes, but all you did was prove that it was how Officer Fellow Student described it was incorrect. I have simply taken the points you made and revised our theory. Now, do you have any evidence to support that my current theory is incorrect?” Damien looked at the binary option in front of him, quickly looked over all he had, and came to an unfortunate truth (but he did save just before making his choice, just in case).

“Not at the moment, no” Damien said with a clenched fist and through gritted teeth. 

 “Wonderful, then for the moment I have no other objections, then I would like to thank Officer Fellow student for their time and move on to my next witness” Much to Damien’s annoyance, no one did, so after a quick secret handshake between himself, Calcuster, and Fellow Student (of course it was a secret handshake so Cal asked politely for everyone to turn around, for everyone who didn’t turn around, Damien asked them again, this time impolitely). Calculester then went over to the bailiff to talk about something in private. Taking the opportunity Jerry turned to his partner in law who was currently steaming.

“So, that didn’t go well, did it?” 

“You can say that again fuck mask. GRRRAAH!! Dammit! I was this close to having such a good opening contradiction that the judge pronounced not guilty on the spot!” Damien had done it once before and had been trying to recreate that high ever sense. 

“Well, if Mr. Hewlett-Packard’s opening statement was of any indication, next up will be a few witnesses around the hotel. You should be able to pick them apart easily” Jerry tried to reassure, but Damien was having none of it. 

“Nope, see over there” Damien pointed over to the bailiff who nodded at Calculester before walking off, “If I had to guess, now that Calculester sees we intend to fight, he’ll probably try to switch up his game plan. The next witness will probably be no end of suck of us” Damien was…actually 100% right in the moment about what the library computer was doing, which is about to be confirmed right now 

“You’re honor, sense It seems Friend Damien wants to fight this charge, I choose to edit my current strategy. I would like to move straight into my key witness now” Well, shit. This wasn’t great but Damien wasn’t super worried. He brought down Fellow Student so hard that the opposing council already needed to change their plan. As long as the next witness wasn’t strong, confident, full of charisma, and a romance option, Damien thought he could do this, “I call Dahlia Aquino to the stand!”

“Oh MOTHER FUCKER!” But Damien’s outburst of vulgarity did nothing and former classmate, camper, and rival took the witness stand. All in all, it took about 5 minutes for her to arrive (Damien really should have spent that time, looking over the evidence, reassuring Oz that everything would be okay, or maybe look up a spoiler free walkthrough of this case if he happened to get stuck. But no, Damien did none of that expect mindlessly scroll through twitter) She wore her trademark large toothy grin that stayed on her face while she talked

“Hi everyone! Raw Raw Raw. It’s definitely me! Dahlia Aquio” Dahlia said.

“Aquino” Calculester correct

“Right now. Sorry. I forgot how to say my name because of how blue I am,” They said, pointing to blue patches on their skin. 

“Great,” Said the judge, “And with the name cleared up, we just need your occupation Mrs. Aquino”

“Yes, I, Dahlia Aquino, am a conqueror in the 8th circle of hell!” 

“It is true. And Friend Dahlia also happened to be in the basement at the time of the murder. And it is through this witness that I shall present my DECISIVE EVIDENCE!” Calculester pointed out into the courtroom for extra emphasis. Everyone gasped in shock, moving so close to the final stage of the case. All except for Damien that is. He was too busy staring at Dahlia. This didn’t go unnoticed from his sidekick.

“What’s up?”

“Something’s…off? It’s hard to say really. I’ve known the big blue noob most of my life and hated her just as long. And this all feels…wrong” Damien responded to Jerry, but more to himself than anything else. If Calculester noticed, he did not comment on it. 

“Now Friend Dahlia, I would like you to first give a testimony on what you saw.”

“Sure thing. As I am definitely Dahlia, I can do that easily.”
So I was down stairs in the basement doing normal Dahlia things when I heard an argument 
I made my way over there and I saw two monsters, Kyle and Oz
I knew it was Oz because of the “I’m definitely Oz” shirt they were wearing
The argument hit a turning point when Oz said, “I’m not paying those prices anymore!”
They then pulled out a knife and stabbed the drug dealer. It wasn’t super messy, but blood did get on Oz’s hands
They looked at what they did and then walked away, probably to make up an alibi

Definitely Dahlia continued to have a wide smile on her face that seemed to not move at all during the testimony but no more words came out of it, so everyone assumed they were done. 

“I see,” said the Judge, “So it looks like we finally have a motive, inflation. What a horrible this to happen to a local business”

“Very true, Friend Your Honor, but it does not maker murder okay in this case.”

“Very true Mr. Hewlett-packard.” The judge nodded somberly, “Mr. LaVey. You may now cross examine the witness.” 

Better said than done really. Nothing in this testimony really screamed contradiction. But then again, if it was always this easy then he wouldn’t have the ‘press’ button would he?

“I made my way over there and I saw two monsters, Kyle and Oz. I knew it was Oz because of the “I’m definitely Oz” shirt they were wearing”

“HOLD IT! I know it is not strictly evidence, but we already know that very little time passed between the murder and Oz’s arrest. And as everyone can clearly see, Oz isn’t wearing a shirt like that. So then, how does the prosecution claim he changed so quickly into the PJs you see before us?”

“I do not pretend to know Friend Damien” Damien, always one to count his chickens before they hatch, decides this means he won and continues moving forward. 

“You hear that your honor. If the prosecution isn’t able to show how my client did such a thing, then they don’t have much to stand on with this witness.”

“HOLD IT! Friend Damien, you misunderstand. While I may not know how Friend Oz changed or even where this shirt is, it hardly matters. I do in fact have proof that they wore the shirt at the time. Behold, my decisive evidence!” 

“Decisive evidence for a shirt?” questioned the Judge, “Seems like a bit of a waste to me”

“No Friend Your Honor, my decisive evidence is to prove Oz’s guilt. It just happens to also prove they had a shirt on. For it is VIDEO EVIDENCE!” This pointing actually causes Damien to stagger backwards. He had known for a while that this was coming but was dreading it all the same. Part of him had just hoped Calculester had forgotten it existed. 

“What? Video evidence! Well, what are we waiting for?! Let’s see it!” The judge said excitedly

The scene then cuts to a few minutes later. The projector had been brought in, popcorn had been passed around, and the lights had been turned off. Then the video started. 

When the video turned on it was nothing, just the hallway leading out of the murder scene. For a second he hoped maybe this was one of those cases where they didn’t watch the video before presenting it in court (Damien had done that enough times to know it is possible). Unfortunately Calulester is much smarter than Damien as evidenced by the fact that something did happen. Walking across the screen was a humanoid form, solid black from head to toe. Their black hands seemed designed by thousands of years of evolution to climb on branches. Their tale was large and curled. Their head leaned forward more than normal, almost taking on a chameleon-like appearance. They also had a shirt on that said in bright yellow, “I’m definitely Oz”. There was no mistaking it, this was Oz and everyone in the courtroom now knew it. [Video Evidence added to the court record].

Well, almost everyone. The judge was still confused, “Wait, that’s your decisive evidence? But that looks nothing like the defendant.” Suddenly Damien had hope once more. Yes, clearly the judge didn’t see the shirt that said it was definitely Oz. He could work with this. 

“Actually friend Your Honor,” Fuck! Calcuester started talking first, “this is in fact the defendant. Firstly, the shirt clearly says that it is Oz and shirts cannot lie. Second, since you are not personally familiar with Mr. Rashid-Yu-Schmidt, you would not know this but they are capable of limited shapeshifting. Observe. Oz! Turn into that form,” Being yelled at, Oz acted on instinct and instantly turned into the figure in the video. Damien then started cursing and yelling at Oz in a number of ways that really showed off his minor in creative writing. Calculester continued, “So you see your honor. We have definitive evidence that Mr. Rashid-Yu-Schmidt was walking away from the crime scene, just as our witness has claimed. So I must ask the court, need we even continue?”

“Hmm...You make an excellent point Mr. Hewlett-Packard. Mr. LaVey, do you have any comments on this video?” All eyes turned to Damien who was still going at it.

“-AND WHY WOULD I THINK TO TELL A SON OF A BITCH LIKE YOU NOT TO DO THAT! OF THE TWO OF US, YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE THE SMARTER ONE! YOU AREN’T NEVER TRYING GET ANY CRED FROM THIS SO WHY EVEN DO THIS?! GRRAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!.............Well, I feel much better. What was that your honor?”

“...I was asking if you had any other comments?”

“Oh yes. Well, I’m still in my cross examination, so I would like to continue please”

“...sure, why not?” And thus Dahlia repeated the exact same thing she did the last time

"So I was down stairs in the basement doing normal Dahlia things when I heard an argument 
I made my way over there and I saw two monsters, Kyle and Oz
I knew it was Oz because of the “I’m definitely Oz” shirt they were wearing
The argument hit a turning point when Oz said, “I’m not paying those prices anymore!”
They then pulled out a knife and stabbed the drug dealer. It wasn’t super messy, but blood did get on Oz’s hands"

"OBJECTION! The witness’s claim clearly contradicts the evidence.”

“Oh, and what evidence would that be Mr. LaVey?” asked the judge. 

“Only the evidence that the prosecution provided for the court. THE VIDEO ITSELF!” The courtroom erupted in confusion. The judge had to bang his gavel more than a few times before Damien could continue, “I want everyone to take a look at the hands of the person in the video. Notice anything strange about them, Judge?”

“Not really. They seem solid black just like the rest of him…! Wait!”

“Exactly, that is a direct contradiction from what we just heard from “Dahlia”. They said their hands were covered in blood and yet they’re a black as the rest of him.”

“HOLD IT! That would be a simple fix then. All they would have to do was clean off the blood. Problem solved.” Damien did have to pause at that. He could throw out some lack of physical evidence, but that would be easily countered. Time to argue a different approach. 

“I don’t know if that is exactly how it happened, but I do think the core of what Calculester said was correct. The murder did clean their hands of blood before they were on camera, but you would think that someone as loud and oversharing as Dahlia would have mentioned that” And Damien stared directly at Dahlia unflinching smile, his own toothy grin coming out. The judge took notice of this.

“What exactly are you implying Mr. LaVey?”

“Simple your Honor. It is the prosecution’s assertion that the person on the witness stand is in fact, NOT DAHLIA AQUINO!!!” There wasn’t even time for another outcry from the audience before an opposing OBJECTION rang out.

“That is absurd. Blue skin. Horns. Unmoving, almost cardboard like smile. They even said they were Dahlia. And yet you claim they are not!” Cal said. 

“I do indeed Mr. Hewlett-Packard. You see, something had been bugging me for a while about Dahlia being here, but it took a while before it really sunk in. After all, take a look at THIS!” And from his evidence folder came out a picture of himself and Dahlia, “This picture was done by Zoe No-Last-Name (if you like it she is currently taking commissions). It depicts an upcoming fight between Dahlia and myself that will happen later tonight. It couldn’t happen until then because at this moment SHE IS IN HELL!” 

“Well, that’s a rude thing to say about my court room!”

“No Your Honor. Hell like the actual place. She’s putting down a rebellion at the very moment. I checked earlier, she’s live tweeting it as well” Checking the internet to confirm information was second nature for Calculester. Once they went to Dahlia’s twitter the computer who learned to love came to the same conclusion Damien did. This time there was no almost about it this time as it seems like something broke within Calculester’s neck causing his monitor head to spin around uncontrollably. He put his hands up to stop the spinning which only worked for a few seconds before it spun free again. And thus a shocked ideal animation was born. Taking the sight of his good friend in distress as a good sign, Damien pressed on, “Which really leads to one major conclusion! THIS IS NOT! DAHLIA AQUINO!!!”

The court room erupted into chaos once more with the Judge’s voice barely heard over it. Damien paid no mind however as all his attention was on the Dahlia imposter. And they were a wreck. They may have been stammering something, but Damien couldn’t hear them. Instead of letting them figure out a lie, he decided to press on, “I’ll admit, this was an impressive disguise you’ve put on. I was even fooled at first. But I’ve known Dahlia for years, so this disguise was your first mistake.”

“I-I-IIIII I’m definitely Dahlia I tell you?”

“No, you’re not. And everyone here knows it. Even Cal over there, and once he finally stops his head from spinning, I’m sure even he wouldn’t back you up on this. Now, obviously this makes almost your whole testimone invalid, but just for my own curiosity, why did someone from the Dahlia costume contest from last night decide to lie about this?” 

Damien's words cut right through the panic Not-Dahlia was feeling. Despite what the former (and frankly still mostly) bully would have wanted, this pause in panic didn’t lead to more panic. Instead it leads to clarity and a greater understanding. 

Damien didn’t know who was on the stand. 

They could exploit that. 

And so they ran away. 

“Wait, stop!” yelled out the Judge, “Bailiff, stop them!” Unfortunately despite a truly epic chase, whoever the other Dahlia was, they had seemingly vanished. After the Bailiff returned empty handed, the judge decided to continue, “Well, this certainly has been a wild turn of events. And I must simply admit, I’m not entirely sure what to make of it. She had a credible story, but Mr. LaVey has done a fairly good job as discrediting them. Still, he hasn’t really proven any of these claims false per say, just that they are unreliable. It’s an interesting conundrum. Hmmmm.” The air was tense with the sound of compilation. How this hum ends could decide Oz’s fate forever (or at least until he outlives the concept of prison), “Mr. Hewlett-Packard. You have been quiet for a time. Would you care to make a comment?”

Calculester had managed to get his head to stop spinning, but that seemed to not improve his mood. He was now looking straight down at his desk, slamming his metal fist on the wood every once in a while. He didn’t respond to the only human in the room’s question. 

“...Well, then. Why don’t we all take a 10 minute recess so we can all think about this. Sounds good? Good. Court will reconvene in 10 minutes.” And thus the gavel was hit.

In the defense waiting room stood Damien, Oz, and Jerry, having all just come in from court. Well, Oz and Jerry were standing. Damien slumped on the couch as soon as the door shut. 

“You look like a wreck.” Jerry said to his temporary boss. Wait, did Jerry think he was getting paid for this?

“Yeah. Lighten up Damien. You’ve been doing great! At this rate, I might get out of here quick enough to go to the 'Superwholock (Minus Super and Lock) Panel' with Zoe!” Oh right, the original conceit of this was a Monster Convention. You’d be forgiven for forgetting that after all of these random narrative tangents. 

“This isn’t over. I mean, not unless Calculester is having a nervous breakdown in the other room. The Judge was right. I haven’t really shown that the theory is wrong. Just that the theory was a little faulty or that the witness couldn’t be trusted. I’m not really showing that any of it is wrong. And sense Monster Society doesn’t believe in ‘Guilty Beyond A Reasonable Doubt’ but instead ‘Yeah, they probably did it’, I’ll need to bring my A game for what comes next” Damien dramatically stood up. Oz yelped a little, “This is no time to be sitting down. Jerry, get out the evidence. Let’s look over the information we have in preparation for a knowledge-based test” Damien has never heard of the word study before (Other words that Damien didn’t know were Bequeath, Shuttle, and while he knew the word effervescent, he thought it was a type of snail thanks to how often Liam posted about it), “Oh shit, I don’t have a pen. Anyone have a pen here”

“Here,” Oz said, pulling out a pen. Damien took it.

[Hotel Pen Added to the Court Record] Damien stared down at the pen. Something got added to the court record this late? Either this was a random joke like the picture of Liam or this would be incredibly important for the upcoming events. Damien would spend the rest of his break thinking about this (He was so enraptured by the thought that he completely missed Oz asking permission to use the bathroom. After the 6th time asked, Jerry finally gave him permission).

Damien and Jerry entered the courtroom once more without Oz. In truth, Damien didn’t even realize that Oz had left, preoccupied with the concept of the pen. Being the self-proclaimed, ‘World’s Best Survivalist’ Damien took his ability to miss the forest for the trees to be a sign of pride. One thing the defense attorney did notice when he entered the room was a smiling Calculester. Unlike the disheveled mess he was turning into right before the break, the sideways smile had returned. While it looked the same as it always did, Damien left it was a little more smug than normal. 

“Something wrong?” Jerry inquired

“…Yeah, I think so” 

“Well, I cannot speak for either of you two,” The Judge began, “but I spent the whole recess just thinking about this case. So I will say the following, I am ready to give a verdict, but it is still a shaky decision. At the moment, I am confident, but if anyone has any comments I will listen in earnest. So, any final comments?”

“Actually your honor. If I may take more of the court's time. I would like to have one more witness come to the stand. And I think we will all find this witness to be quite interesting. I present to you the murderer, giving a confession!” This time instead of gasps, everyone in the court happened to be drinking coffee at the time of the revelation, thus spit takes were had. 

On cue (the cue was the thing Calculester said, not the expulsion of roasted bean drink), out stepped Oz once more. However, unlike how Damien saw this client a few minutes ago, the embodiment of fear had changed out of their PJs and had put the “Definitely Oz” shirt back on. To make the situation worse, Oz had also decided to take on the form of the person in the video! Damien wanted to be mad, but thinking about it the Demon didn’t actually tell Oz to not look like a humanoid Chameleon, so really this was his own fault as a lawyer. 

“Why Mr. Rashid-Yu-Schmidt? You plan to confess? I thought the defense was maintaining the stance of not guilty. Has this changed?”

“Yes, your honor. I am ready to confess the crimes that Oz, who is me, has definitely done.” Said the one and only living Embodiment of Fear. 

“OBJECTION!!!” Yelled out Damien from his corner, “Your Honor, regardless of what the defendant says, the defense as a whole still maintains Mr. Rashid-Yu-Schmidt innocence in this matter” The Judge thought for a second on the ethics of an attorney going against the direct wishes of their client.

“You know what? I’ve allowed far more questionable things within my courtroom, so I’ll allow this one as well. Now then, Mr. Hewlett-Packard, what exactly is the first testimony going to be about? Aside from establishing guilt”

“Well Friend Your Honor, we actually hope for there to be no more than just this final testimony. Unless of course Mr. LaVey finds a notable objection, but despite that happening repeatedly today, I doubt it will happen again”

“Well okay then. Mr. Rashid-Yu-Schmidt, you may give your testimony whenever you are ready.”

“With pleasure your honor!”

So I showed up for drugs, but I actually showed up a bit early
By the time they finally showed up I was antsie
And then they told me that the price had just gone up, I was furious
So I stabbed them with a knife I found
And as I bleed out, I didn’t get any blood on my hands

“I see, so I guess this further goes to show that whoever that Dahlia actor was, they’re word wasn’t worth much” Said the judge.

“That’s right, your honor. While their Dahlia disguise may have been completely perfect visually, the story did not hold up. Unlike mine, which is perfect.”

‘Yeah, we’ll just have to see about that’ Damien inner monologue began. 

“Defense, you may now pross examine the witness”

So I showed up for drugs, but I actually showed up a bit early
By the time they finally showed up I was antsie
And then they told me that the price had just gone up, I was furious
So I stabbed them with a knife I found

“HOLD IT! What exactly do you mean you “found” the knife?”

“Well, while I was waiting, I started looking through some boxes, and that’s where I found the knife. I swiped it at the time, as us criminals do.”

“Well, I’ll admit, I don’t see how the origins of the knife are all too relevant. Do you disagree Mr. LaVey?”

“I do your honor. I think this is important context for events.”

“Very well. Mr. Rashid-Yu-Schimdt, please add that information to the court record”

“So I showed up for drugs, but I actually showed up a bit early
By the time they finally showed up I was antsie
And then they told me that the price had just gone up, I was furious
So I stabbed them with a knife I found
I actually found the knife there in one of the boxes”

“OBJECTION!!! Your Honor, the witness-”

“OBJECTION!!” Yelled out Calcuester, “I will stop you right there because I believe I already know what you will argue. Boxes were moved in and out of the room throughout the police investigation. For example, a box of pens arrived a little before the murder took place was actually brought down to the storage room by Friend Office Fellow Student. So that box could have easily moved before it was noted by anyone.”

“Calculester, Calculester, Calculester. That wasn't my objection at all, so shut the fuck up. Now, Oz. You claim you found a box full of these, but that doesn’t really make sense. After all, as you would know, only a limited number of these knifes were ever made.”

“O-ooh-h r-really?” Oz said, suddenly breaking into sweat. 

‘Looks like I’m on the right track’ “Yep, knives like this were made custom by Coach. They’re aren’t more than a few. Calculester can confirm this himself.”

“It is true. Friend Coach did present only a select few with the knifes. Friend Damien is correct. There would not have been a box of it to begin with.”

“Oh, y-yes. Well, you see. There is a reasonable explanation for that.”

“Oh really Mr. Rashid-Yu-Schidmt. Because I would love to hear it” The judge was now glaring down at the witness. Damien took that as another victory. Getting the judge on your side was a great feat, “After all, both procession and defense say these weapons were limited. So, out with it. I would like to hear these testimony”

“Actually, Friend Your Honor. No new testimony will be needed on this subject. After all, while Friend Damien has pointed out a contradiction, he has not helped prove his client’s innocence any more than before. And in some ways, it may have just helped my own case. While Friend Damien was correct that the knives are limited, he neglected to mention why. They were made by Coach specifically for the group of campers and counselors who attended Camp Spooky an unspecified amount of time ago. One of those campers included Friend Oz!”

“What! Is this true Mr. LaVey?” The judge asked, his glare now shifting. 

“Well, on a technical level, I guess it is?”

“And were you going to inform the court of this information?”

“Honestly you’re honored. I was hoping no one would bring up that fact.” The judge said something in response, but Damien has stopped paying attention, instead going through his court records. And as is the rules of any court room, everyone stopped and waited patiently before saying anything else. 

‘Okay. That was weird. Why would Oz lie about the origins of the knife? While I don’t get why he’s doing it, he is trying to admit he killed the druggie. So then why try to hide the fact that he is one of the few people who’d have it? Maybe cause he doesn’t think we know he’d have one? No, we were all together when we got the knives. Think Damien! What exactly does the lie that Oz told mean? Well, they said it was in a box of them which inherently makes them less important. Maybe Oz is trying to make the knife seem less important. Well then. I guess it is time to look at the knife’

Never being someone to not follow an idea that’s popped into his head, he decided to look in detail at the knife. Damien would often struggle to tell people about the intense, almost trance-like state that Damien would enter when he looked over evidence. The closest he could ever get to the description was as if he was looking at the evidence on a DS touch screen with a green checkered background. 

Unfortunately, flipping it around didn’t seem to reveal anything new about it. As such it was time to bring in Damien’s most scientifically minded friend to gain their insight. Damien reached into his pocket to make a call.

“Mr. LaVey, why do you have a dog whistle?” The judges question went unanswered at first as Damein simply blew it. When Damien seemed done, the Judge asked again. 

“I just called in a consultant on the matter”

“Oh, will I need to go to another recess?”

“No, we can just skip to when they arrive” A few minutes later Scott arrived. They didn’t have to wait long as Scott’s morning walk was done anyway and he and Poly were heading this way already. The whistle just makes Scott run the rest of the way. Damien tried to explain the situation to Scott and while he waited patiently, no information seemed to stick in his mind. Giving up on that front, Damien just told him to sniff it.

“It’s Flodge” he said with a tail waggle. Damien looked down at the knife in shock and disbelief. 

‘What?! That’s impossible! I always knew Counselor Flodge was a master of disguise, but to discuss himself as a knife? Truly his skills know no bounds.’

“Yep. The knife smells like it belongs to Flodge.” Damien looked up at his friend, then down at the knife in shock and disbelief. 

‘What?! What would Oz even be doing with Flodge’s knife?’

“You know Boss,” Jerry said, reminding Damien he even had assistant council. He is being really quiet compared to the other plucky young assistants Damien has had. Hope he doesn’t have stage fright, “Something has been bugging me ever since I got here. That monster on the stand has never had pre-marital sex” Oh yes, all lawyer assistances must has some kind of quirky skill and Jerry was no different. Aside from just being very proficient in murder (a skill Damien already brought in this duo), Jerry has always had a knack for telling if someone has ever had sex just by looking at them. As he has worked to hone that skill, he’s been able to tell precisely is the sex was premarital or not, a skill useful in his line of work as a parody of slasher movie antagonists. So telling if someone never had sex at all was really child’s play. 

But regardless, this new information has opened up an interesting new possibility for the attorney. If true, it might just open up a brand new possibility for what happened this morning. But in order to uncover this truth Damien would have to approach the topic gently, “I have a question for the witness. Witness, have you ever had sex before?!” I mean, relatively speaking this is fairly gentle for Damien; although the yelling and pointed figure doesn’t really help that matter. 

“That is certainly an odd question. But you know what? I allow it. Mr. Rashid-Yu-Schidmt, answer the question.”

“What? Oh course I, Oz, have sex before!” Oz, but looks like a Chameleon, said defensively.

“I agree with, who I feel I must remind you, is your own client Friend Damien. Surely you have seen all the FanArt of Oz in intimate moments with others. Clearly someone with that much appeal would have some level of game”

“I don’t disagree Cal, after all my ‘client’ just told a lie” Damien shifted attention away from his rival and towards the judge, “If it pleases the court, I would like to introduce my assistant, Jerry. He has the supernatural ability to tell someone’s virginity and marital status” Jerry corrected that he can only tell if someone had premarital vs marital sex. He couldn’t tell if someone marital status if they got a divorce, or if they never had sex. But no pop up said that information was updated, so clearly that was not important, "My assistant has already affirmed to me that the person on the stand HAS NEVER HAD SEX BEFORE!” Gasps rang out throughout the courtroom! Being a quicker thinker, Calulester instantly realized the simplest course of action would be to say that Jerry’s word is not viable in this context. Unfortunately the witness decided to keep talking first. 

“Okay! So I lied about that! But can you blame me!? This world is so horny and passionate about sex that not going to prom is basically a death sentence! So yeah! I know I lied. I hope you’re happy ruining my reputation” There was a pause as all of that just kind of sunk in, “I mean, Oz’s reputation. Who is me!” That said with a final note of triumph. Damien was still smiling all the same still. 

“Well Oz. It’s interesting that you would say that. After all, that doesn’t really make sense. Not with what was in your room. Your honor. I would like to present THIS TO THE COURT!!!” And Damien pulled out a box labeled ‘Bunch of Kinky Sex Stuff’ from his court records. Zoe then refused to make eye contact with anyone, “This box was found in the hotel room of Zoe and Oz during the con. As we can all clearly see, it is full of a lot of sex stuff in it, some of it used. Clearly then, this means Oz at bare minimum has had sex with Zoe!” Noise was coming from the rafters, but nothing overly loud. In truth, they just didn’t really know what to do with that information. Seeming the channel that confusion, the Judge spoke up. 

“Okay. You’ve lost me. You’re saying your client has not had sex before, but that they have also had sex before? Is that correct?”

“Oh, sweet simple your Honor. You’re only half right. You see, I’m arguing that my client has had sex before, but that the witness has never had sex before!” A quiet ‘no’ escaped Calculester who seemed to be picking up what the prince of hell was throwing down, “Your Honor! I claim that the person on the witness stand is not my client!” And the audience went into an uproar. The Judge tried to bang their gavel to instill silence but to no avail. With the loud noise this caused the following objection to have to be louder. 

“OBJECTION!!! Friend Damien! This is such a powerful accusation! You simply must have something more to this case then just a single contradiction to such a bold claim”

“Oh, but I do Mr. Hewlett-Packard. I present to you all [The actual murder weapon] which I just had varied by the werewolf Scott Howl to verify the ownership. It belongs to Flodge!” You would think the audience would be jaded to big reveals in this case, but as it turned out, they gasped and got worked up all the same (although part of that was probably Zoe who can get really into the stuff she is watching and thank to her passive abilities, that excitement is seeping into the minds of everyone else present). ‘Oz’ instantly jumped back, his eyes now traveling in a separate direction, possibly in hopes of finding a way to escape. Unfortunately the bailiff had learned their lesson from the last runner and had now barricaded the windows. Despite the visible reaction, Calulester was the first to respond.  

“OBJECTION!! Friend Your Honor. While I acknowdlge that friend Scott’s noise is impressive, such sudden evidence cannot and should not be used in a court of law!”

“OBJECTION!!! Your Honor, precedent does exist in this case. Megan Bennett v. A Group of Termites Piloting a Human Flesh Suit. While it may have been a civil case, the surprise witness of a werewolf being used to determine who bought the office lottery ticket has been used in hundreds of courts since then. It should be allowed here!” 

“Hmmm, Mr. LaVey makes a good point. Objection overruled Mr. Hewlett-Packard” And this Calulester visibly reacted, throwing his arms back and only barely keeping one foot on the ground. As it turned out, the computer wasn’t used to getting his objections overturned, “Although I do have a question for you Mr. LaVey” Damien quickly saving his progress in case it’s a difficult question, “It seems to me that both pieces of evidence presented don’t just point to an imposter on the stand, but an imposter in the murder. However, this was a very short amount of time and from what we’ve discussed up until now, it seems like the murder was not premeditated. So how would this Flodge have made in Oz disguise so quickly?” Thankfully, Damien didn’t have to think hard for that answer.

“May I present you you, [AN EMPTY BOTTLE OF OIL]”

“What!? Impossible! How did you find that?!” The witness proclaimed despite the fact that the bottle was literally on the ground not hidden from anyone.

“Simple. I’m an ace investigator” Damien lied (lied in the sense that what he said was not accurate. Damien believed his own hype), “But the oil is solid black, just like Oz. And it was empty when I and the police arrived at the scene. What’s more, I also found a [yellow market] while down there. Such a marker could have been used to create the witness's current shirt” Damien took only a second to see the panic on the witness’s face, “Come to think about it the oil explains something from earlier in the case”

“Oh, and what would that be Mr.LaVey?”

“That person who was dressed as Dahlia earlier. I proved them unreliable when they said the murder’s hands were covered in blood, but the oil would have covered any dried blood for the camera to get.”

“My word! That does make sense. So then if all you say is true, then that would mean…”

“Yes your Honor. The person at the witness stand is in fact the murder, but the are not Oz, but Flodge!” 

“OBJECTION!!!” Looking away from the were-chameleon who looks like they are about to burst, Damien sees Calculester not pointing, but slouching over his bench with a smile on his face. One hand open on the table, a steaming cup of coffee slides in from off screen right into the metallic palm, “Really Friend Damien? Is that the best you can do? I’ll admit it is an interesting theory, and one that I wouldn’t be against backing, but there is a problem with it of course. We don’t actually know when the bottle was used up. Maybe it was when you claimed it was, but maybe it was a month ago. At this very moment we just cannot say for sure. 

“And besides, this is your only real evidence that the murderer is not Oz. And even then, it doesn’t counter my theory, proving me incorrect. It’s just a parallel story. One that has a lot less evidence than my theory” 

“But what about the knife Cal? We do have proof that the knife was Flodges! Does that mean nothing to you?”

“No, it certainly means something. My guess would be it means Oz stole from our former councilor. Now, don’t give me that nasty look. Our friend group has very little respect for the property of others. Petty theft is hardly anything for our friend group. So I stand by my claim. Very little hard evidence” And Calulester took a big sip from the cup. They have no mouth but no coffee spilled out, so the mug seems to be empty (so why is steam coming out of it?), “So then Friend Mr. LaVey, do you have anything else in order to support your evidence?” 

To his smug credit, Calculester did wait patiently for Damien to come up with anything. Unfortunately for Damien, nothing came. As far as he could tell, it was true. Nothing else in his court records did point to Flodge being a murderer or the person on the witness stand at this very moment, “Friend Your Honor. Since my opposing council seems to have nothing else going for his case, I think we can bring this case to an end.”

“True. It was an interesting showing Mr. LaVey, but I don’t think you proved enough to the contrary.” Damien didn’t respond to the judge. Instead the Demon was looking down on his bench, head in his hands, silent. Inside his mind was a lot less quiet.

‘No no NO!! ARRGH!!! This cannot be happening! I know that isn’t Oz and I know Oz isn’t a murderer. I trust my client! And more important in this instance, I trust Scott! But they're right. I don’t have enough proof that Calculester is wrong! Just that my idea is possible. But I don’t have time to find something else to show that Flodge was there!! 

...

‘Is...Is this it? Is this where I lose and Oz has to go to jail?!...I’m sorry Oz. I’m sorry Brian. This was the best I could do.’

“What’s going on? Where am I?” Damien hears from a new voice. He looked up to find himself now in a dark void. It seems Damien finally snapped, but if the new voice was any indication, at least he wasn’t alone. The person was a tall man wearing a large coat and hat. The voice sounded French. They also appeared to be a were-falcon of some kind, “Sparrowson, if you locked me in another dark room with no way to get out AGAIN I swear by the deposed King I will-Oh Lord what is that?! Some sort of Demon?!” The bird man was stopped.

“Sup. Damien LaVey. Prince of hell and ace attorney.”

“Oh, well. I’ll admit I’m a little off put by the ‘prince of hell’ part, but you said attorney? Then I must be in good company. Greetings Monsieur. I go by Jayjay Falcon. Head lawyer at the Aviary Attorney’s office.” And the two shook hands. Finally the two meet. Damien LaVey and Jayjay Falcon. Truly a crossover everyone had been asking for, “So, where are we Monsieur LaVey?”

“I’m currently having a breakdown cause I’m steps away from failing my client. Normally when stuff like that happens I'm visited by the spirits of others to guide me. But normally I just see this really busty woman show up” That busty woman is Polly who, like a cat, always finds a way to get into places she should not be.

“Oh, yes. I’ve been in situations like that before” He is also referring to Polly. That ghost shows up in the weirdest places, “Well, I might not be that Mademoiselle, but I may in fact be able to help. Tell me about the case.”

“Well, I’m currently trying to defend my friend the Living Embodiment of Fear from a murder that I think he was framed for by a form camp councilor of ours. And while I have done a fairly good job of discrediting all of the prosecution's witnesses, I haven’t been able to find anything major that directly contradicts the opposing theory. And they do have more evidence for their theory than I have for mine. The murderer, Flodge, is actually on the witness stand right now, but they are disguised as my client in order to help seal the deal. But I can’t think of a way that I can prove with the evidence I have that it was Flodge in the basement were the murder took place. And the judge in moments away from calling the case in the prosecution’s favor” The bird looked at the Demon in stunned silence.  

“I’m going to be honest with you, but this case sounds incredibly stupid”

“Oh, and Flodge is a humanoid chameleon” Damien said 

“Okay. Now you’re making sense” Jayjay said, “Okay. So you cannot prove that the culprit was actually there while all the evidence points your client towards being there? Then don’t try to fight that. At least not more than you already have. Reserve your thinking. Why would your client have NOT been the one to do it?” Damien thought about that. Why could it have not been Oz? Was there something he hadn’t accounted for? Maybe. An idea was being formed in the demon’s head, “I hope that helps”

“It did. Thank you Falcon. You showed me that France was a little more metal then I thought it was.”

“I don’t know what that means, but okay.” And thus the bird faded away, being replaced by reality once more. 

“Well,” The judge began, “If there are no further objections, I shall announce my verdict.”

“OBJECTION!! Your Honor. I know you are ready to make a decision. But even you must admit that my theory does have an amount of weight to it, correct?”

“While that may be true, I do still have to go with the evidence as it is presented”

“Then I ask you, give me one more chance. And with that chance, I shall prove once and for all just how wrong Mr. Hewlett-Packard is” The judge looked down at his watch. 

“Well, I still have about an hour to kill before my wife comes to pick me up, so sure. Why not? But tell me, what exactly will the topic of this testimony be?”

“Simple, really, I just want to know what Oz did after the murder” 

“Well, that’s a bit of a let down” the Judge said, voicing the general mood of the courtroom. 

“Agreed. Friend Damien we have already discussed at length what happened after the murder”

“True, but if the court doesn’t mind, I would like to hear it from Oz” Damien stared directly at the murderer, a big toothy grin took over his face, “And please, don’t skip any details”

This was a trap. And Flodge knew it. Damien had an idea, but Flodge thinks he knows what it was. Damien is probably betting on Flodge saying something that contradicts what has already been said, but he has actually been here the whole time! He knows the exact store they are going with. No trap for Flodge today! “Very well, and happy to do it”

So once I, Oz, did the murder I walked down to the end of the hall
I then teleported up to the breakfast area
I got some waffles for my girlfriend Zoe
I then took the stairwell up to my floor, but the door was locked
So I went down to another level and went up through there
I left the waffles in our room before going to get some ice
While there I got arrested by the police for the crime I committed

“Friend Damien, I believe we have heard all of this previously. Do you really need to press and objection to all of this again?”

“Nope. All of that is cool and all, but I want to hear one last thing from the culprit here. Is that ALL you did?” Flodge was confident he could spot a bluff

“Yep. And I’ll even add it to my testimony.”

“So once I, Oz, did the murder walked down to the end of the hall
I then 
I got some pancakes for my girlfriend Zoe
I then took the stairwell up to my floor, but the door was locked
So I went down to another level and went up through there
I left the pancakes in our room before going to get some ice
While there I got arrested by the police for the crime I committed
And I didn’t leave a single thing out!”

“OBJECTION!!!” It was an obvious point to object, but it still left everyone at the edge of their sets to see what the fuck was about to happen. Even Damien wasn’t positive on how this was going to go, but the bird’s advice was all he had, so at this point might as well go all in, “It’s interesting that you say that’s everything you did up until your arrest. After all, I’m pretty confident that’s not everything Oz did that morning. So tell me Flodge, do you recognize this?” 

Damien pulled out a few pieces of paper, showing it up to the court. Flodge swinted, “No, but in my defense I cannot see it from here”

“This is just a copy of the next chapter of Love and Death at High Seas. A popular fanfic online”

“Hey!” Zoe yelled from the bleachers. Really, for how routy Damien’s friend’s are, it is amazing how little they’ve actually interrupted, “Don’t show that to people yet. It hasn’t been edited, and I can’t post a fic with sbelling misakes. I just can’t!”

“Oh, don’t worry Zoe. It’s already been edited. Edited by none other than Oz this morning!” 

“OBJECTION! Friend Damien. This is just like the oil. You may say it was done this morning, but we have no proof that it was actually done this morning”

“It had to have been. Oz was in the shower last night when I finished that chapter! It had to be last night!” 

“Friend Zoe, you are not on the stand. Also you are literally in love with the accused. Any testimony from you would be heavily biased” 

“Sorry Z, but Cal is correct in this regard, but thankfully, I don’t actually need your help on this one.”

“What do you mean Mr. LaVey? Are you saying you have some proof of when the document was written?” The Judge asked, leading to Damien select another piece of evidence.

“Well, I don’t know when it was written, but I can tell you when it was edited at least. TAKE THAT!!” And Damien proceeded to pull out a large box of pens from his court records. “These are the pens that the hotel recently bought. You may notice they are an odd color, Your Honor?”

“Why yes! They’re green!”

“And if you could take a look at the markings made on these papers.”

“Oh goddesses, they’re also green!” 

“OBJECTION!” It wasn’t Calculester this time, but Oz/Flodge, “This is nonsense, I got that pen yesterday, the same day I made those edits.” Damien didn’t even need to object. He simply shook his head

“I’m afraid that just isn’t possible. Those pens hadn’t arrived until this morning, and it wasn’t until the police arrived that they were anywhere else aside from the front desk. Which is in fact where Oz received the pen this morning while the murder was taking place.

“The embodiment of Fear may have many powers, but they can’t be in two places at once”

“I-I-I, well, the...the thing is...Prosecutor, anything to add?” as FlOzdge looked over to their life line, they were suddenly disheartened to see a spinning head on the prosecution side. Clearly no help there, “Well, maybe I had simply forgotten that I did it this morning? Ever think of that LaVey?!” He was getting desperate now, actively contracting what he had just said.

“Oh sure, that is possible, but I personally think it’s a more likely story that your are Flodge in disguise right”

“Mr. Rashid-Yu-Schmidt. Or should I say Mr. Flodge (I don’t actually know your last name), I think this farce has gone on long enough. Bailiff, please get the witness some paper towel to remove the oil on their face” Before the bailiff could do anything, the witness began to shake.

“I, no no, you see, you, I’m not, I mean-I am-Wwwwwwelellllll you-- AAAHAAAAHHHHHHH” Cracks begin to show through Oz’s skin and they tilted their head up and they yell. Then in a sudden explosion all of the dried paint (he had more time to prep for court so he used paint this time) to reveal Flodge. Then suddenly the green scales began to shift and convulse into a rainbow of colors. And as the flashing slowed and eventually returned to the normal green, with a raspy voice, the murder let out a, 

“yes it was i...councillor flodge...the whole time” And then he collapsed.

The bailiff had taken away Flodge from the courtroom. While out the bailiff also found Oz. Apparently their bathroom break got delayed because the custodial staff were cleaning every single bathroom in the building at the same time, so Oz just waited. They were now at the witness stand having been caught up on events. Everyone caught up or calmed down, the Judge decided to speak about his decision. 

“I will be the first to admit, this case did not go the way I would have expected of it. A series of poking and prodding, so when the decisive evidence was brought out, well, few more things needed to be explained. We may have to further investigate the murder at the hands of the Flodge, but that will be for another day. For now, I will do at least one thing I am confident on. For the murder of Kyle Mark Leo I pronounce Oz Rashid-Yu-Schmidt…

"NOT! GUILTY!”

And cheers erupted from the crowd. Scott and Polly started throwing confetti everyone. Zoe ran down to hug her SO. Brain and Amira not far behind to congratulate there little buddy. And somewhere in France in the 19th centenary, the bird lawyer feels relief. And Damien does not go to his client’s side. Instead he makes his way to his opposing counsel “How you doing Cal?” 

“I am full of regret, Friend Damien. I was doing my job, what I thought was correct, but in the end I almost sent my friend to prison based on a falsehood. And I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, for starters get your head out of your shiny metal ass and go talk to Oz and apologize. Just explain yourself and I’m sure they’ll forgive you. They’ve forgiven me for a lot worse after all”

“You are correct. Thank you Friend Damien” and the library computer went over sheepishly to his hopefully still friends (they were still friends as it turned out). The Judge, looking over all of that, smiled. 

“Damien LaVey,” the demon looked up and locked eyes with the kind old man, “pulling victory out of the claws of defeat and then making sure your rival was okay afterwards. Truly you are a model example of an attorney. It’s a shame you retired from the courts”

“Well, what can I say, your Honor. I had to choose between my love of justice and my love of chaos and fire. And chaos won”

“...Oh right. You didn’t retire. You were disbarred. Bailiff, arrest that man!”

A group of young monsters walked away from the burned remains of the local court house, smiles on all their faces and chatting all the while, “So you sure you don’t want to join us at the con Cal? You’re always welcome!”

“Thank you for the offer, Friend Amira, but I must be getting back to work. I was actually shopping for groceries for the food truck this morning when the district attorney saw me and asked if I could run this case. I should probably get back to the store. I make no promises, but I will see about closing earlier so Aaravi, Hex, and myself could join you later today” 

“Sure thing. But could you bring some more of those tacos if you do? Those were great”

“Affirmative Friend Brian” And with that, the party said farewell to the robot, as the went back to the con. Although Damien did make a quick detour to the train station to tell Jerry just how important they were before they were to the case. In tears Jerry said thank you and then went off to the mounts to murder people (the people of the mount village were all about connecting to the spirit world, so really wasn’t Jerry just speeding up the process?)

Next Time: Zoe and Oz do cute couple things. All while innocent souls are on the line. But it is neither of theirs so it's fine

Chapter Text

Ah...Spooky High School...the sweetest years of our lives. Back then we were young and unafraid...Sometimes reckless, sometimes brilliant, sometimes just stupid; but always willing to live life to the fullest. We were on a wild journey to discover who we really were. One such student discovering who they really are is Zoe. And what she truly is, is hung over, “I don’t understand. I’ve been alive for eons. I’ve consumed ideas and concepts. Forces and worlds that would make lesser minds break just by glancing at. So how the hell am I hungover?!” 

Amira looked over at her new friend with both sympathy and bemusement, “First time doing an all nighter with Polly?” The two women were currently sitting at a small table on their own waiting for Brian to join. The fact that it was noon and Zoe still had a hangover made Amira lean more toward sympathy than bemusement. 

“Yeah, we were celebrating the start of my first semester here. She told me she knew a great place to celebrate. That’s the last thing I remember before waking up in a freshly made treehouse in the middle of a forest with a head in pain.”

“Dang girl. You did an all nighter at a place Polly recommended. It’s a wonder you’re not dead” Zoe wanted to respond that she was a being beyond death, but at the moment she really wasn’t sure. Content to continue to lay around in her pain, Zoe didn’t notice when someone new arrived. And even when they did, Zoe almost didn’t notice, as the new voice was so soft.

“H-hi Amira. Wh-who’s your new friend?” The soft voice came. At another time, Zoe may have thought they sounded scared or shy or maybe even kind, but at the moment she didn’t care.

“Yo Oz, this is Zoe. They just started at Spooky High. Say hi Zoe” Zoe grunted

“I-is she okay?”

“Nope. All nighter with Polly. She might not make it to the end of the day” No! Zoe couldn’t die here. There was still so much anime to watch!

“O-oh. Oh Gosh. I-I think I have Aspiran X-Treme in my locker. I-I’ll go grab some.” And they were gone. Zoe didn’t even have a chance to look at them. 

“So, that was Oz. How did you like them?”

“They were quiet” At that Amira let out a big laugh. 

“Oh, yeah. They definitely are quiet.”

“No offense, but you are incredibly loud and aggressive. How do you become friends with someone like that?”

“Hey, Oz may be quiet, but they’re good people”

“I didn’t say anything about them being bad people. I asked how you become friends with someone like that?”

“Okay yeah. That’s fair. Do you want the story just told or in flashback form?”

“Hmm...let's just tell the story. I don’t know what a flashback within a flashback would do to my head, and I don’t want to find out” Studies have actually been done on the effect that a flashback has on inebriation. Essentially when you flashback in time you return to whatever your blood alcohol content level was at the time. So it is a sudden way to sober up. However once a flashback ends, as you metaphorically go forwards, you end up spiritually reliving what made you drunk before and sense you hadn’t sobered up in the present, you get that hungover on top of the hungover that your body already experienced. This ends up equaling double hungover, a mathematical concept which no one has survived. Zoe came so close to meeting Milo earlier than in canon. 

“Honestly, I didn't really ask for his friendship. We met the first day of high school and he just kind of latched onto me from then. After getting to know him, Oz is a ball of anxiety, but they are always willing to help. They might honestly be one of the nicest people in this school. It helps when push comes to shove, he can be a real badass too.” At that Zoe did actually look up

“Mr. Stutter at every sentence? He’s a badass?” 

“Oh yeah. He may be a nervous wreck, but wow does that boy have poor impulse control and is incredibly susceptible to peer pressure. He’ll go along with just about anything” Amira looked down at her phone from a sudden text message, “And it looks like Oz found the aspirin. You’ll be cured soon”

“Hooooraaayyyy” Zoe said with the most enthusiasm she could muster

“But seriously, when you are feeling better, you should talk to the kid. You’re both from beyond the beginning of the universe. You’re both into all that nerd shit. I think you’d be cute together.”

“I don’t know. I always kinda hoped I’d end up meeting a dark and troubled loner who would only open up to me. I don’t think I’d end up with the shy nerdy kid” And obvious punchline after a flash forward in 3, 2, 1

“I love you so much Oz!” Zoe explained to the group of strangers she and Oz had sat down to play board games with. The group decided on Betrayal on the House at the Hill. Zoe ended up becoming the traitor, being only one step away from victory. The only one who could possibly stand up to her was Oz, which he did valiantly, if not very successfully.

“B-but I was trying to kill you”

“I know, but you were bad at it” She pat Oz on the head before looking at the rest of the table, “Good Games everyone”

A few players responded in kind, others grumbled annoyed at having lost. Still, everyone did their part to put up the pieces of the game before starting a new one, Dixit But The Pictures Are Alive. Sadly, thanks to an ancient deal that has been lost to all but the oldest of souls, Zoe is not allowed to play any form of Dixit (She made the deal in order to get a continuation of Young Justice. She currently has...mixed feelings about it). So the couple decided to cut the TableTop Time down to wander before the next panel. As they walked, enjoying each other’s company, a question did pop into Zoe’s head.

“So you were going to be arrested this morning because your former camp councilor tired to frame you for murder. And you’re just moving on? Are we just not going to talk about that?”

“I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been framed for murder, so it wouldn’t really be fair to hold a grudge on just Flodge” Zoe understood the logic of that. She certainly wouldn’t want Oz to still be bitter about the time she framed him for murder (it happened long before they were dating and only barely after they first met in the flashback earlier. Zoe would never do that again, not without asking first at least), “And besides, for how chaotic my life tends to be, I find that it’s easier to just move on so I can prepare for whatever the next zany thing that will happen to me” 

“Stop right there you monsters!” Zoe and Oz turned around (and a few others as well. This is monster society after all. Just saying monsters isn’t that specific) to see a human guy with a jacket that seemed ridged and full of scratch. His eyes were narrow and they were aimed directly at the two gods. His hair was also impossible styled with multiple spikes and colors throughout. 

“See Zoe. If I was still hung on the murder charges, I wouldn’t be able to focus the screamy, pointy haired man”

“Make that screamy, pointy haired MEN!” Another man yelled out from the other side of them. They were surrounded (well, it was only two guys, so not really surrounded, but still they were trying their best). Oz looked back and forth at the two, beginning to worry why they were called out like this. Zoe however though the two looked familiar, but couldn’t really place where. Seeing the nervous state of her boyfriend, Zoe decided to step up. 

“Okay, what do you two want? We probably haven’t done anything today to warrant getting yelled at'' Both looked annoyed at that response. The first one, who had a much deeper voice than the other (almost kingly or pharaoh like) who seemed to have a Brooklyn accent of some kind, retired with an arm outstretched. 

“You may have forgot the day, but I will never forgive you for taking control of my friend Joey’s mind and forcing him and myself to have a battle to the death!” Oz was about to respond that neither of them would ever do that, only to think about it a bit and look at his girlfriend, who looked embarrassed. 

"What?" Zoe defended, "You and Brian were doing that game jam. I was bored that weekend" At least she remembered them now. 

“But today! Today we shall have our revenge! We challenge you to a duel!”

“Yeah, you tell it Yug!”

It.

It. 

He called her an it. 

She’s going to destroy them. 

Milo liked their job a lot. They always felt they were doing good in the world. With that said the job could get a bit annoying. Take now for example. They made it clear that this weekend was for the book panel and meeting with fans, but nope. The boss still sends them out on a job. So in times like this it really begins to push their temper. 

The Internet Influencer checked their phone, to make sure they were going the right way only to notice the contract had changed. Well, not so much changed as disappeared. It wasn’t even that someone else had taken the contract or that management had realised their mistake. The two were just gone. It was as if they were now in a situation that not even death could save them from. Oh well, Milo wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. They found a nice place near where they had stopped and tweeted out an impromptu meet and greet with fans. It was a fun time.

The two challengers reached into bags. Both pulled out brand new duel disks. Answering in kind Oz allowed the shadows to emerge from their arm, like a thick black smoke. Forming a solid black device of similar design. Zoe in contrast threw up her duel disk. Still both gods grabbed a deck, and back to back looked at the opponents. All four said in unison, “IT’S TIME TO DUEL!” 

The God King Reborn and Joey: 8000
Author’s OTP: 8000

A pause filled the room as no one declared the first turn. Finally, Zoe ask, “So...do you want to roll dice to see who goes first?”

“YES! CLOSEST TO SEVEN WINS” Yugi rolled 7 on the dote, so he was able to go first. And after a brief misunderstanding that you don’t draw your first turn (The confusion was mostly on Joey’s part. He’s been playing a lot of edh lately), he began, “I’ll start by summoning my Beaver Warrior in Attack Mode!” In the space right in front of him the ground began to glow as the summoned creature came into existence. At the sight of the summon, everyone who was in the crowded hall instantly went into a panic and fled (and not because of the summoning itself. No, as it turns out, in this world of demons, vampires, capitalists, and almost every type were-created you could think of, the concept that drives most people over the edge is a beaver in human clothes. Thanks to their nature of forces of chaos and fears, Zoe and Oz were immune to the effects. Although it was still weird). All that remained in the hall were the duelist along with three humans looking on, a woman who has only dueled once, a man with pointed hair (only a single point) and teen who changed his family company from weapons to card games leaving him impossibly wealthy. Their names are what you think they are.

“So Yugi is starting with Beaver Warrior. That’s not a very powerful monster. I hope he’ll be okay” Tea said, clutching his hands.

“Oh please. Yugi is seen as one of the greatest duelists in the world. I’d guess he’s probably just trying to feel out his opponent a bit before. Even with Wheeler slowing him down, Yugi will win this.”

“I don’t know Kaiba,” Tristan said, “Those two look like they could be pretty tough.”

“Don’t make me laugh. I’d bet my whole fortune that Yugi will when this duel”

“Okay. You’re on!” Kaiba looked over at the loud man next to him. Then he got his cell phone out of his pocket and called his lawyer. 

“Olivia, I want you to write up a contract right now saying that if Yugi Muto loses this match, give all my money to…” He puts his hand over his phone, “Your name is Tristin right?” Tristin nods, “All of my money to Tristin...Olivia, I’m talking about duel monsters. I’m always serious about duel monsters.” And he hung up his flip phone. Now back to the duel. Don’t worry. Nothing happened during the side banter. It’s Oz’s turn now. 

“O-Okay. I’ll start by summoning Gyriod, in attack mode?” A rather cartoonie plane was summoned from the the void. “And I’ll pass after then.”

“Then it’s my go! I summon my Alligator Swordsman, then I play one card face down and end my turn”

“Okay. I’m up next" Zoe said, finishing the circle, "I summon Elemental Hero Sparkman! And then I’ll equip him with a Spark Blaster! Now, Sparkman, Attack Beaver Warrior '' Neglecting to use his gun in any way, the E-Hero sent lighting towards the sin against nature. Instantly, an explosion was set off (Duel Discs are equipped not just with hologram projectors, but also wind machines and mini grenade launchers to create a more realistic experience) which Yugi had to shield his eyes from. When he looked up, his only defense was gone and confident young woman was staring him down, “Then I’ll put a card face down and pass it to you”

The God King Reborn and Joey: 7600
Author’s OTP: 8000
 
“You okay Yug?” Joey asked of his friend

“Thanks Joey. I’m alright. It’ll need to be a lot better than that to weaken my resolve!” Zoe didn’t know if the ‘it’ referred to her or the attack, but she was annoyed regardless, “But it’s my move now. DRAW! First, I will play the card Double Summon. This card lets me normal summon two monsters in a turn. And with that I shall bring out the Obnoxious Celtic Guardian. I shall also play one monster in face down defense mode and one card face down. I shall then end my turn!”

“O-okay. I guess it’s my turn. I’ll summon Patroid in attack. Now I’ll have Patroid attack that face down monster!” Before she could convince her boyfriend otherwise the attack was declared, the cartoon car went to attack. Only when it reached the card it was bounced back thanks to a shield that appeared.

“A foolish attempt. For my face down card was my Big Shield Garna! And because of that carelessness you lose life points equal to the difference!”

The God King Reborn and Joey: 7600
Author’s OTP: 6600

Oz’s confidence was shot and Zoe noticed, “Hey, cheer up. It’s just a mistake. Things happen. But I’m sure we’ll still take the win” Zoe gave a thumbs and a wink which seemed to pick up Oz a little.

Because he is a jerk, Kiaba was less impressed, “The shadow monster is the weak link of the two”

“What makes you say that?”

“Yugi clearly set up a trap with that facedown card. Yet this creature didn’t even think to use his monster’s ability to look at a face down card on the field. The purple one seems to have a decent head on their shoulders, but with their confidence that shaky, they’d probably be better served doing this duel 1-v-2.” Harsh words, but not untrue. Oz ended his turn holding back some tears and playing a face down card. 

“With my turn, I’m going to summon out my Panther Warrior,” a humanoid cat was summoned now. Finally a creature that makes sense, “Now, Alligator’s Sword, attack that weird helicopter thing!” Thanks to incredible foresight of an underpaid Kaiba Corp programmer, the system did recognize the command as intended and the alligator attacked the helicopter. 

“Well, Gyroid can be turned indestructible once per turn. S-so I’m going to do that” The sword came down, slashing through the cartoon machine. It still remained standing. 

“Yeah, but you still take damage” 

The God King Reborn and Joey: 7600
Author’s OTP: 6100

“But that aint the only damage you’ll take. I sacrifice my Alligator’s Sword to let me attack with Panther Warrior. Now, Panther Warrior, destroy that Gyroid with a specifically named attack!” Another animal with a sword came at the gyroid, this time the damage took, destroying the creature. Joey ended his turn.

The God King Reborn and Joey: 7600
Author’s OTP: 5100

“Okay. My move. I’ll start by using Spark Blaster to switch your Garna into attack mode”

“Not so fast! I reveal my face down, Mystical Space Typhoon” He then goes on to describe in detail one of the most common cards in all of duel monsters. It all really boils down to ‘nope!’

“Okay. Then quick change in plans. I’ll instead use polymerization to fuse my Sparkman and Necroshade in my hand to bring out Elemental Hero Darkbright!” Stupid name aside a new hero arouse form the ground of swirling light, “Now, Darkbright, attack the Celtic Guardian!” Black Lighting appeared in the palm of the monster’s hand, then shot it towards the monster that was just a dude with a sword. And just like when a toad is hit with lightning, it is defeated. “Then I’ll play another card face down. Back to you kid” 

The God King Reborn and Joey: 7000
Author’s OTP: 5100

“Kid!? I’ll have you know, while this body may be a young Japanese boy, my spirit is of a pharaoh preserved by magic for centuries” Kaiba yelled from the side that magic wasn’t real. It’s truly amazing how different the lives of the 1% are from reality.

“Centuries? Please, you’re still basically a kid. I’ve been around millenia”

“Oh, I know. I already know all about you” The pharaoh didn’t elaborate, but one of those anime angry vein things did show up on Zoe’s forehead. Neat! Who knew she would biologically do that without veins! “And now I will play Monster Reborn. It is a card that allows me to summon any monster from any graveyard. Not only does it let me use your monsters against you, but it also allows me to disrupt any plans you might be having involving your graveyard. Truly one of the most powerful cards in all of Duel Monsters!” Zoe grew worried as her graveyard has a very obvious target, “So I’ll use this card to bring back my own creature. Return to me Beaver Warrior! Although it will not stay for long. I now sacrifice my warrior to bring out the Summoned Skull!” A large muscular creature with dragon-like swings and armor made of bones arose from the light, looking down at the enemy team with rage. Oz would not say it with his OS right here, but they had to admit, that monster was pretty hot, “Now Summoned Skull! Destroy that Patroid with your own lightning!” The monster's muscles began to flex which somehow managed to generate a kind of electricity. The lighting began to course over the bones then shot out of his claws to the cop car. 

Oz still thought it was pretty hot. 

“Not so fast!” Zoe yelled out while swinger her tentacle in the air. As she did one of her face down cards flipped over to reveal...a trap card, “I activate Draining Shield! This not only blocks your attack, but it also lets us gain life equal to the damage you would have dealt.” As their life points rose, their pointy headed opponent seemed not too perturbed.  

The God King Reborn and Joey: 7000
Author’s OTP: 7600

“Very well. I have nothing more I need to do. I end my turn. The rest is up to you Joey.”

“You got it, Yug!” After confused/concerned glances were shared, Oz followed. 

“Okay. I’ll start by (oh, I hope this is right) activating Foolish Burial! So I’ll take out my Drillroid and put it in my graveyard. Then I’ll activate my face now. Call of the Haunted! With it, I can bring Drillroid directly onto the field. Next, I’ll sacrifice my Patroid so I can now summon Resueroid in attack mode.” In no time, Oz’s field now had two cartoon vehicles, an ambulance and drill. Truly a deck worthy of the embodiment of fear, “And now Drillroid, attack Big Shield Gardna”

“Repeating the same mistake as last time? Gardna has much higher defense. This will end in you just loosing life”

“M-maybe so. But thanks to Drillroid’s a-ability, your Gardna will still be destroyed” A large explosion followed. While the gods were the only ones to lose like, once the holographic smoke cleared, the human’s greatest defense was gone. 

The God King Reborn and Joey: 7000
Author’s OTP: 6600

“Oh no! That was Yugi’s best defense” 

“It’s more than that girl” Kaiba hasn’t bothered to learn any of their names, “That Drillroid can keep destroying any defense, and thanks to Rescueroid, if anything happens to Drillroid, it will come right back onto the field. It’s a solid board state”

“Yugi…” Tea looked on, clutching her hands to her chest

“Don’t worry Yug. I’ll finish up what you started” Joey said, happy with the card he drew, “Okay, I’ll start by activated scapegoat. This card creates four sheep tokens. And with them on the field, I’ll sacrifice two of them to bring out my Red-Eyes Black Dragon. Then I’ll activate polymerization! Mind if I borrow a card, Yug?”

“Go ahead Joey”

“Great, then I fuse by Red-Eyes with his Summoned Skull to bring out, Archfiend Black Skull Dragon!” OH SHIT! THAT’S LEGACY SUPPORT! I THOUGHT THIS DUEL WHO JUST BE BETWEEN CARDS THE EXISTED BEFORE SYNCHRO MONSTERS WERE A THING, BUT NOPE, WE NOW HAVE AN ACTUALLY GOOD CARD ON THE FIELD!!! “And now, Skull Dragon, Attack that Drillroid!” The person behind the programming of Archfiend Black Skull Dragon didn’t do a very good job of it, so it did take a few tries before the attack actually happened. Just before it hit…

“I’m going to stop you right there! I activate my other face down card, Negate Attack! This card lets me stop your attack and instantly end your turn” 

“Sure, sure. But thanks to black skull's ability you still take damage equal to a red-eyes in my graveyard!” While the dragon stopped swinging down it’s claws, it still breathed a blast of fire down at Oz. While he felt no pain, he did still yell in order to help sell the fantasy of it all. 

The God King Reborn and Joey: 7000
Author’s OTP: 4200

...hey, wait a minute. That's not how Archfiend Black Skull Dragon’s ability works! Negate Attack shouldn’t even have worked. And even if it did, this is not how Black Skull’s second burn ability works! That turn should not have happened that way. Well, I guess it must be a truth in all forms of narrative. Yu-Gi-Oh cards don’t blend well with narrative. Speaking of narrative…

“Oh yeah. This is the kind of tag teaming that you two can’t hope to compare!” If this was two irksome comments ago, Zoe may have let that slide, but here we are. 

“What’s that supposed to mean!?” Zoe said, venom literally coming from her mouth. 

“Exactly what it sounds like!” The powerful voice of Dan Green responded, “Joey and I. Our bond is so great, that in moments like this we are one. It’s something that neither of you could ever hope to match Z’gord” Zoe’s face began to twist and bend in on itself forming a mass of tentacles and teeth with a single eye staring down the pharaoh. 

“I̶̙̭̻̭̬̊̅’̶̡̻̹̞͖͗̔͂̄̿̈́̔ḿ̶̘̭̪̬̱́͐͊̊̔̿ ̷̮̳̱͈̬̣͙̓͂̅̃̀̌̂͝g̸̪̲̟̦̞͈̗͐͛̎̒̍͘͠ọ̸̭̤̇͗̿̀͘͝i̴͇̟̖̠̣͑́̾̽̉̊n̵̨͓͇̜̬̟̿͛̔̈́̐̇͠ğ̵͓̣͓̹͜ ̶̛̻̘̾̃̋̾͝ẗ̶̝̘̩̻̝́͗̃̇̅ơ̸̻͔̩̪̞̝̑͌̏̓͐ͅ ̸̤̠̮̪͓̖͙̎̿̚̕͝͝m̶̡̺͈̙͓̗͖̭̓͝a̶̝̬̅̓̆̕͠͠͝k̴͚̖̄͗̑̅͑e̵̡͇̪̹̦̩͆̈́͋͊ ̷̡̫͓̳̌ÿ̴̦̜͕̱͖̜́̾̀̽̃͠o̷̢̱̲͓͖̺̤̓͐̊̔̍͊͘͠u̶͚͂̈́͑̒̚ ̵̢̗̗̹̟̪̣̪̒͆͐̍͂̽e̸̹̥̜̤͘ͅấ̷̤̙̪̲̭̃̆t̷̨̰̙̍̍̐͒̍͜ ̴̯̭̮̎̋̃̽̓̓̐t̷͉̻̺͈̅̇̎̊̊̄͘h̶̙̖̣͉͆o̶̧̳͙̜͍̾̄̈́̃͝s̷̡͈̺̼̥̤̋̇̓͐͂͊ę̷̖̀̎͝ ̴̗̱̼͔͓̻̘́͂̉̆w̷͙̝̝̪̺͂̋̽̋͊͝ơ̴̤̭͓͇̺͇̋̃̑̚͝r̶̤͉͍̬̙͚͎̼͗ḑ̴̱̤͈̈͛̐́s̶͚̰̦̤͙͍̈́́͊͂́͑̔!̸͖͒͝” That’s a very literal threat for Zoe. The act of drawing and looking at her cards was enough to calm her down to put her face back in it’s preferred appearance “Okay. Sense my Elemental Hero Necroshade is in the graveyard, that lets me summon out my Elemental Hero Bladedge in attack mode without a sacrifice. Now you have no monsters on the field and I have two heroes itching to attack. Bladedge, Darkbright! Attack the man with impossible hair directly!” Two Elemental heroes flew over the Yugi. The man did not flinch as the lightning and blades harmlessly passed through him, even if his life points were still affected. 

The God King Reborn and Joey 2400
Author’s OTP: 4200

Zoe would have liked to just consume their concept of self, or damn them to thousands of years in their chaos dimension, but no. She would not destroy the sanctity of this card game by consuming the soul of an opponent. She’d do that later, “And with one card face down I pass”

“That wasn’t a bad attack, but it was ultimately futile” Yugi drew a card and without even looking at it he smiled, “Joey. Mind if I borrow some cards?” A thumbs up was given in response, “Well then I’ll sacrifice two goat token in order to summon The Dark Magician” Despite the name a light skinned man with not very dark purple clothes was brought onto the field, “And now I’ll equip them with the card Cursed Bamboo Sword. This card allows Dark Magician to attack you directly” A number of gasps were heard from the duelists and those outside, “Now Dark Magician, Dark Magic Attack But With A Sword!”

Instead of calling on any dark magical force, the powerful normal monster just threw a sword at Zoe. Truly a dastardly wizard technique

The God King Reborn and Joey: 2400
Author’s OTP: 1700

“And now I’ll activate the card Earthquake!” Back during the DnR period of this card’s creation, they realized that a hologram wouldn’t really be able to capture the flavor of this card. So Maximillion Pegasus (who is a literal Pegasus in this world) instead hired a bunch of mole people to constantly dig around the earth, waiting for people to play cards like this. They then arrive under the play area with an earthquake machine. Some people think this was a horrible waste of money, but those people don’t have a private island where they can set up their own personal battle royal but with card games, “This causes all monsters on the field to shift defense position!” The violent shaking of the mole people brought all the monsters (that were playing cards I should say) to their knees, “And after placing two cards face down I will end my turn.” 

Oz drew their card, and looked between the two powerful monsters with concern. A fear not understood by the people in the stands despite seeing so many duels in their lives. 

“Why does he look concerned? Drillroid could destroy any of these monsters now. Right?” asked Tea

“It’s a trap, but unlike the last one, The shadowy thing has no choice but to go into it. If not, then they lose on Wheeler’s turn just from effect damage. And given that face, they didn’t draw anything out of this save for the direct approach” Kaiba answered

“O-okay. Drillroid. Attack Joey’s monster!” 

“Not so fast!” Yugi came in with the interrupt that we all knew was coming, “I activate Dark Mirror Force! That card destroys all monsters in defense position. Sure, it doesn’t affect the already attacking Drillroid, but destroying everything else seems worth it.” A dark wave of energy swept over everything destroying Darkbright, Bladedge, and Rescuseroid. The Drill did keep moving however, destroying Joey’s monster. 

The God King Reborn and Joey: 2400
Author’s OTP: 1100

After the dust settled, the only monsters left were Dark Magician and Drillriod, although a current of black lightning did exist in front of Zoe. While she didn’t look happy she didn’t look distuat at the moment, “You may have forgotten, but when Darkbright is destroyed, I can destroy one of card on the field. And I choose your Dark Magician!” The lighting then became alive as the current grew and shot towards the purple dress man. 

“That won’t work either! I activate my face down card Forbidden Dress. At the cost of a few Attack point, my Dark Magician can no longer be targeted or destroyed by card effect!” With a sudden appearance of a dress, the lighting harmlessly bounced off the spellcaster...The fun part about writing descriptions of Yugioh duels is that it creates sentences just as absurd as anything else in this fandom. Unfortunately, Zoe didn’t find the same level of amusement in the situation. Instead she was PISSED. 

“W-well, I guess I’ll play Pot of Greed, draw two cards, I’llllllll play a card face down, then pass the turn” Oz gestured towards the man who thought Alligator Sword was a good card.

“Okay. I draw! Now hold on to your pants everybody. Cause this is about to get complicated” What followed was an incredibly complex series of cards and combos that ultimately ended up with the summoning of a vanilla fusion monster and equip it with a card that only gives it 300 Attack (Butterfly Dagger - Elma if you were curious), “Oh yeah! Flaming Swordsman. Now finish this game with your made up attack name!”

“I wanted to save it, but oh well. I activate my trap card A Hero Emerges. You pick a card in my hand, and if it is a monster, I can summon it!”

“Okay, far from the right!” 

“Then I bring out my Dark Catapult!” This machine type monster was quickly destroyed by the dude with a giant sword. Still, no life points were lost. Sense Joey had used his whole hand to bring out this creature, he ended his turn. It was Zoe’s turn. 

“Pot of Greed. I’ll draw two cards. I’ll activate another Polymerization to fuse together My monsters Avian and Burnstinatics to summon the Elemental Hero Flame Wingman!” The monster that came out of the magical swarling creature this time was a mouthless, one winged creature with what seemed to be a dragon for a right hand. Let’s all pray to this creature that it is a lefty. “And then I’ll-” And Zoe paused

She may have gotten a little too excited about bringing out her fusion card. In truth, she had no good attacks right now. And while she definitely wanted to cook these people alive, she didn’t really have a way to make her hero strong. So with an annoyed acceptance, she said, “Pass”

“I Draw!. Well, I think it’s time to enter the end game with this. I’ll Activate a Polymerization,” God, four Polys in one game. This is almost straight out of the GX area (but you can add an extra ‘L’ and then it’s out of Vicky’s wet dreams). "And I shall fuse together my Dark Magician and Joey’s Flame Swordsman to summon Dark Flare Knight!” For the second to last time this chapter, the spiral of fusion energy began to move as the two creatures went in. Stepping out was a tall knightly figure. They had on solid black armor with red trims with a cap over top. They held in one hand a sword orange like the glow of flames. In the other they had a red and black shield. They were ready for battle, “The Dark Flare Knight is a manifestation of the bond between myself and Joey. It’s one you would have no hope in matching!”

“What’s that supposed to mean!?” Zoe said, irate

“It’s simple. We didn’t come in her blind. We did our research, Z’gord.”

“Don’t call me that” If Yugi heard her, he didn’t show it.

“We know what you are. A history of enslavement and isolation. The ender of worlds. You can change your body. You can pretend to be woman all you want. But we ALL know what you truly are! A horrible creature that must be stopped. But neither Joey nor myself could do that alone. So used are bonds of friendship to become one! To act as one greater. It is something you could never understand! Now, Z’gord. Taste the power of our friendship! Dark Flare Knight! Attack its Flame Wingman!”

The knight ran up to the elemental hero, quickly blunging the sword in the monster’s chest, into their heart. They shattered. Zoe’s life points went down 100 points. Yugi and Joey began to talk about their bonds of friendship. The humans on the side started doing color commentary again. Zoe’s world went dark. She heard none of this. 

Why does this happen? Why does this keep FUCKING HAPPENING!?!? She is not Z’gord! She is Zoe! She is a woman. She knows this. She knows herself better than anyone! So why do people keep telling her she doesn’t know? That they somehow know better than she does? She looked up, eyes trying to focus, but all she could see was the empty space where her hero once one, and the smug bastard facing her down. She wanted to punch him, but she also wanted to run away. It was exhausting. These bigots were not the first and they weren’t the last. Would she ever reach a point where she wouldn’t have to fight this battle? This battle to just be who she wanted to be. Who she is. She had no more monsters to help her in this battle. Like those two who had this unifying bond, she didn’t have that. With Wingman gone, she was alone.

She felt someone’s back pushing against her own

“Hey Zoe.” Oz said, quite, but loud in his own way, “I know who you are, and I’m right here.”...yeah, he always was. 

“...Thanks Oz” She wanted to cry. Maybe later. 

“Do you have a way to win?” 

“Maybe, but it’ll depend on what I draw, and even then maybe not”

“Well, I back you up regardless” Yeah, he was good about that wasn’t he? Zoe turned back to the reason she regretted not eating Egypt when she had the chance. 

“Well, if you’re done, I believe it’s my boyfriend’s turn.” Taken slightly aback by the sudden confidence in her words, the pharaoh nodded, ending his turn after putting one more card face down. Oz drew his card. 

“Okay, I’ll play two cards face down, and end my turn!” Oz said, with about as much confidence as he had in himself when not intoxicated. Joey then took his turn, with a similar approach. 

“Sense Butterfly Dagger - Elma returned to my hand after it was destroyed, I’ll equip it to Dark Flare Knight. Then I’ll activate Pot of Greed to draw two more cards,” He drew two more cards, “I’m going to activate one of those cards I just drew, Dian Keto the Cure Master. This gives us an extra 1000 life points. Then I’m going to put a card face down and end my turn!”

The God King Reborn and Joey: 3400
Author’s OTP: 1000

“Zoe, ready to end this?”

“You know it. Draw! Okay I’ll start by activating the card I just drew, Miracle Fusion! This lets me fuse together Elemental Hero Monsters from my graveyard. So I’m going to fuse together Flame Wingman and Sparkman to creature the Shining Flare Wingman” For what is actually the last time this chapter, emerging form the spiral is a being glowing in radiant energy, “And thanks to my Wingman’s super power, they get a boost for every elemental hero in my grave yard. Bringing their attack up to 4000! That should be more than enough to finish you off! Shining Flare Wingman! Destroy their Dark Flare Knight''

“And I’ll activate one of my face downs” Oz responded, “Forbidden Chalice. This card increase your Knight’s attack by 400, but it loses all of its abilities ending this game!”

“I wouldn’t count us out yet!” Joey yelled out, “I activate by face down, Ego Boost! This increase out Flare Knight by a solid 1000”

“What’s more” Yugi began, his original soundtrack victory music beginning, “I activate my own face down, it is also an Ego Boost! All told, this brings Dark Flare Knight up to 4900” God, 4 polys, 2 ego boosts, and all the decks are from the first two seasons of the anime. Maybe the author didn’t remember yugioh as well as they through they did when they sat down to write this chapter, “It was a valiant attempt, but your rain of terror ends here Z’gord”

“Her name is Zoe!” Oz fully yelled this time, “And if I have anything to say about it, her rain of terror has just begun! I activate my final face down, Battle Fusion! With this card, I can pick one fusion monster of the field to gain the attack of the monster it is currently battling. So I’ll have Shining Flare Wingman gain that extra 4900! Zoe!”

“Thanks Ozzy,” There was a lot of weight in that thanks. As she turned back to her enemy she could literally taste the fear from him. The wind was picking up in this hallway. Possibly due to wind machines. Possibly Zoe and Oz flexing their own powers a bit, “You said that the strength in your bond was one of unity. Becoming one thing new. Well, you were right. That’s isn’t something I have. Instead Oz and I’s bond works to boost each other. To give each other the strength to do amazing things! For example, kicking the asses of you two and making Tristen up there very rich. Now Shining Flare Wingman! Blinding Skydive!” 

Jumping as high to the sky as they could, the Elemental Hero began to glow with an impossibly powerful light. Even the gods present had trouble looking directly at them. That light then began to condense in the fist of the Hero. Then, diving rapidly towards the knight, Wingman collided. Overcoming all the darkness of the card, Dark Flare Knight was destroyed. Still, the light did not stop. Going forwards and blasting the original series protagonist off his feet. 

As soon as he hit the ground the floor began to bend and squirt. He tried to right himself but he seemed to stick to he could not see it, but the man from brooklyn was going through a similar fate, begging consumed by the earth into a world of Zoe’s creation. This is a shadow realm they would never escape from. Higher up, a scream of misery and anguish range out.

“NNNNOOOO!!!! I LOST ALL MY MONEY!!!”

“YES I’M RICH!”

“Tristin! Two of our best friends just lost their lives! How can you think about money?”

“Tea, Tea, Tea. Do you know how rich I am now? I can buy you so many markers to draw smiley faces on people. You’ll forget about whats their names in no time. Now come on, let’s go buy us a country” Tea, not able to argue against that logic, shrugged and followed. Tristin would remain rich for about two week until a hostile takeover was performed by Vera Oberline. And then for reasons that no one knows, she gave the company back to Kaiba with no strings attached. All people have gathered that once Vera signed away the company, she was quoted in saying, “Now we’re even” before flying away on her own personal Blue-Eyes White Dragon jet. 

Most humans now removed, Oz and Zoe looked at each other. Zoe’s eyes were partly closed, but she did have a smile on her face, “Thanks for being with me Oz” 

“I-it’s always a pleasure. Do you want to go upstairs and take a nap?” Realizing how she looked, Zoe shook herself and slapped her cheeks. 

“Nope! Too much con going on! I’ll rest later. So what’s next on the schedule?”

“Well…” Oz was pulling up the schedule on his phone when the two heard another voice.

“Halt Tentacled Fined and her shadowy boy toy!” The Duo turned around to see another anime protagonist with impossible hair (It was like, 5 different shades of blue, but the points were a bright red). He wasn’t directly parodying anyone, but was more of a general homage to the crazy that was Yu-Gi-Oh protagonists, “Your actions have caused no end of damage to the spirit world. So today, I’m here to stop you!” Oz just looked at Zoe.

Polly once got an internship as a Duel Spirit while in school. Her last day there (which was also her first day there, but those that hired her didn’t know that yet) she invited a few friends to party in the spirit world. The spirits of that world never universally agreed on anything until that day when they all banned Polly (and Company) from ever entering again. They would still go there to party and wreck shit up cause FCUK RULEZ!!

After shrugging to her boyfriend, Zoe turned back to her new opponent with fire in her eyes, "Very well I except you duel!" And she brought out another duel disc. And Oz looked at their phone, about to pull up a tally for life total when they saw the time
 
"Zoe, Zombie Dante Alighieri is doing a reading of his latest fan fic in a few minutes" The major tags for it are SELF-INSERT, HURTXCOMFORT, CANON DIVERGENCE, OOC, MCU CROSSOVER, LEMON "So you have to be quick about it" Zoe confirmed and switched decks. The man with too much hair gel began
 
"I'll start" He glanced at his hand, "I'll play GaGaGiGo in attack mode. Pass to you" Zoe drew a card
 
"Okay, so  I’ll activate Handistruction. We both discard two then draw two. Send Flip Flog Frog to the GY to summon Swap Frog. I’ll send Ronintoadin to the GY. Normal Summon Subtitoad… Really, no hand traps? Well Okay. I activate Mass Driver...seriously if you have a hand trap or some response now is the time...oh, you don’t know what a hand trap is? Well, now I just feel bad. Send Swap Frog to the GY, summon a Unifrog. Sacrifice Unifrog, get out another Unifrog. Sacrifice Unifrog, get another Unifrog. And I’ll just save us all the time. I’m going to send every frog in my deck to the graveyard this way. That’ll be like 20 frogs. Now, I’ll tribute my Swap Frog to deal 400 to you. Now, I banish a frog to bring out Ronintoadin. And I tribute it to deal another 400 to you. And I’ll basically do that 18 more times to win the game" The nameless man fell to his knees in defeat. Zoe still decided to send them to the shadow realm despite not being an open transphob. This was more the principle of losing a card game to a dark force then any actual malicious intent. 
 
“Okay. Now that that’s done, let’s go Oz. Don’t want to be late” Zoe ran past Oz, who was still putting away their own deck. He looked up at Zoe. He couldn’t help but remember what she said in the duel, ‘Oz and I’s bond works to boost each other. To give each other the strength to do amazing things’

[In The Past]
 
Oz, although they did not have that name yet, was looking for a place to hide. A storm had appeared above them. The thunder and lightning made them...uncomfortable. So instead of staying in that state they decided to hide in a cave that could be found a few miles away from a new human village (new by Oz’s standards of the passage. The village had been around for a good three centuries). And there they hid until from the loud sounds, flashing lights, and eventually harsh winds and heavy rains. It was not a great place, but the concept felt it was good enough. That was until they began to hear something echoing through the cave. Hard to hear at first, but it eventually turned clear. A set up footsteps and some mild cursing, “Dang nabbit, piece of poop, going all to heck” Like I said, mild. 
 
With the sudden presence of someone, the personification was wracked with themselves, frozen in fear on the newest person present. They remained motionless, trying their best not to make a sound. Hoping to wait whoever this was out. 
 
Suddenly the person stopped their child friendly irate, “...Hello. Who’s there?” Oz tried to get even more still, they did not respond, “No point in hiding. I may not have great eyes, but I can hear you mumbling. Now, come on out. I won’t hurt you” Feeling that they were bested, the embodiment of fear came out from their hiding place farther back in the cave. They had on no shirt over their chest and no pants over their legs. In truth they had no chest or legs to begin with. All they were was a formless mass of shadow, unable to really be perceived in the darkness of the underground. If one was looking into the cave all they would see was a growing sense of unease. Thankfully the person present did not have that problem. 
 
Looking at the stranger, the fearling saw an older human, a bit on the thin side wearing old worn clothes. Their hair was messy and grey. Their eyes were unfocused and pale. Oz did one of the bravest things they could do. They decided to say hello first, “H-hh-hel-lo” Bravery incarnate. The old human laughed. Instantly the fearling began to retreat further into the cave. Sensing the shift in mood the human stopped laughing. 
 
“Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you” The fearling did not reproach, “...I promise, I was laughin’ cause I didn’t actually think you’d respond. I wasn’t laughing at you”...And the being of shadow approached again, “Well hey there. You don’t sound like a human moving. You must be one of those monsters I hear about right?” An approximation on a nod was given. Somehow the blind human could tell, “What’s your name?”
 
“I-I don’t really have a name” The voice was softer than a mass of that size should have. 
 
“Well, to each their own kid. My name’s Peyton. Pleasure to meet you. So what brings you to my cave?”
 
“O-oh, this is your cave? I’m, I’m so sorry. I-I’ll get out of your way now” the embodiment of fear was quickly made into a liar as the sudden roar of lighting stopped fear dead in its tracks, “...the storm. I-I don’t like the storm”
 
“Well, I won’t kick you out then. Feel free to wait here until it passes, kid” A silence passed before the elder god worked up the courage to make a correction.
 
“I’m actually not a kid. I’m actually much older then you by a few eons” Peyton took out a lighter and pipe from their bag. They began to put some herbs in one end before lighting it.
 
“I’ve been around for a long time, kid. I know an old soul when I hear one, and you are not one. Doesn’t matter how much older you are from me.”
 
“Oh okay” they said, not really knowing what the human means by that, “So why aren’t you with the other humans?”
 
“Eh? Never really fit in with them. Not my speed” The human shrugged
 
“Oh, does...does that mean you’re alone too” and that question the human chuckled to themselves a little. 
 
“Well, maybe now, but I’ve lived a long full life. I’ve made many friends. A little band of humans all living on the edge of society” then the last word sunk in, “You don’t have any monster friends kid? Any place to call home?”
 
“N-no I’m...I’m all by myself. I used to live with my mom and dad but...” Peyton didn’t say anything, letting the monster in their cave have the time to finish if they wanted to , “but ever since the universe was created, they moved to their own private shadow dimension. I moved here. I have no one here”
 
“Why did you move here?”
 
“I-I don’t know. I was looking for someone. Maybe a friend. Maybe myself. I-I don’t know” Fear suddenly became a bit self conscious. Were they talking too much? It hadn’t been a really long time since they moved out. And now they were kind of just saying anything to this Peyton person. They didn’t want to say anything else. Thankfully, Peyton seemed to have something to say.
 
“I’ve known a lot of people and some of them go through what you do. Not know who they want to be. Not knowing who they want to be with. Not knowing where they want to be. Some people never find that out in their lives, but I believe the answer is always out there. Given how long you’ve been around, I’m sure you’ll find all those things eventually. Then maybe you won’t be so alone anymore”
 
“How...how will I know when I find them?”
 
“I couldn’t say. We all need different things. But take your time. Figure out who you are and try to live life. Surround yourself with people who want you to be the best you possibly can be. And find someone who you want to give the whole world too just to see what they will do with it. When you find a bond that gives you both the strength to do amazing things, then you’ll have found them. But I guess you’ll know you’ve found your place long before then” And thus the embodiment of fear made their first friend, the old hermit Peyton who lived in a cave. 

As Oz saw his girlfriend slide away on some heelys (or her own eldritch powers), Oz couldn’t have been more happy that Peyton was right. 

Chapter Text

On the wall of the main floor, a magical door manifested on the wall. It opened up only to show a blinding light. From the light, three figures began to take shape within the light. Two small, one tall.

The Monster Con was a big event. So big in fact tales of it’s wonder extended not just in this world, but many others as well. Sentient creatures (and more than a few otters) from all dimensions came to witness the convention's splendor. Nearly anything could be found here from valuable treasure to powerful artifacts. And in these two’s opinion, it was a great place to go on a date. 

“Now, you kids have fun. And remember, I’ll be with the other vendors selling junk, so if you need to leave early come find me. If not be back here by dark, okay?” One of the most powerful magic users in the multiverse said as she walked behind the two teens. 

“Okay. Thanks Eda” The mentee called back to the mentor.

Luz and Amity were both witches, trained on the Boiling Isles, a land built on the body of a long dead titan (kinda like Xenoblade Chronicles, but only one titan and only slightly less anime). They are dating. They are also dorks. The two originally bonded over a shared love of a fantasy story, but due to her strict upbringing Amity never really had the chance to explore the world of fandom. Hearing that, Luz felt it needed to be fixed, so at the suggestion by Eda to go to the monster dimension (the dimension full of monsters), the two decided to have a couples day at the most infamous conversion in the multiverse. 

“Okay Luz,” The pink haired witch, “I’ll follow your lead on this one. What should we do first?”

“Well, since we skipped the impossibly long line, I think the first thing should be-” Luz was cut off by a sudden thud. Something fell right in front of the two. Looking down, it seemed to be a disembodied head with grey skin and light green hair. The head looked up at the couple. 

“Hey sorry. Could you get my head back over there?” She did her best to gesture, but as a head it was difficult. Although the two did see a few other monsters standing in the convention, seeming to have to forgo the nerd stuff and were now playing some sort of variation on football. One of those seemed to be a grey skinned monster with a flame coming out of their head. 

“Sure thing!” Luz wound up, then kicked the the head back to the players

“I meant carry me back!” The head yelled as it flew away from the two. 

“Well, that was my bad. But I guess that solves the first things on the convention checklist” Luz pulls out a list and makes a check next to ‘For King - Violence’, “Want to find that Azura panel?” This one fantasy novel seems to have transcended three different universes. Truly the multiverse is a strange place.

“Sure, let’s go” And as the two held hands to walk about and spend the day together, they were almost instantly stopped by a woman’s squee and sudden rush over to them.

“Oh my god you two are adorable!” The two young girls were suddenly approached by a blue woman with stitches throughout her body, bolts in her neck, and hearts in her eyes, “What are you doing here? Are you lost? Where are your parents?” Given her siblings, choice in friends, and choice in girlfriend, Amity wasn’t that phased by the sudden arrival.

“We’re here for the con. And I guess we are a little lost. And I certainly didn’t tell my parents I was here” Amity muddled that last part to herself, but Vicky still heard it. She may have gotten the wrong impression on the comment. 

“Oh my god! You two have fled to the con in order to escape your parents but now you’re lost and alone in the world with no one to guide you!? Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you!” With a strength hidden by her small frame, Vicky lifted the two young witches up and began to run through the build. She called out, “POLLY! I KNOW WE’VE NEVER TALKED ABOUT ADOPTION BUT HEAR ME OUT!!” 

“What no! I already have a mom and a found family mom!” Luz argued before thinking on it and turning to her girlfriend struggling to get free, “Wait, Amity. This could finally be your chance to get a good mom aside from Eda!”

In the ill defined geography of Monsteroplois, Oz and Zoe decided to take a break from the con for a bit and take a walk around as they look for lunch. Well, they didn’t so much decide to take a break as were told to by the con enforcers to leave. After the events of those two duels back to back, Zoe just kept fighting people and taking their souls once they lost (although a few did win their matches. As a reward they got a LaVey Branded Golden Fiddle). The enforcers decided to take action. If they won the duel, the two would take a 30 minute break away from the con. If they lost, the enforcers agreed to act as the personal servant of the couple. After acquiring 7 new slaves, Zoe finally lost, and thus here they were at the pier because this city has a water front it turns out. Although this was not the only discovery to be made today. In fact, the two elder nerds were about to make a discovery that will change their lives forever. 

“What is that?” Oz turned around to see his girlfriend had stopped, and was now staring at...something. It was...strange. Oz had never seen a creature quite like this before. It was a small white creature, covered in fur. It’s ears were pointed up. Its tail was also covered in the white fur although it wasn’t doing much at the moment, just slowly swinging back and four. It seemed to have 4 limbs, but the creature was currently swinging curled up as it layed in the sun. 
 
“It...looks kind of like Juan?” Oz suggested. It’s true. It did. However it had no clothes on nor did it give off the same vibes as Juan. The young wizard smelled of Alcohol and Magic. This creature smelled like fish and self importance. After a minute of deliberating, Zoe reached a decision.

“I’m going to talk to them. Maybe they're friendly” Zoe approached the creature that is statistically unlikely to never have seen before. She pokes it with a tentacle. It does not move. She pokes it again. This time it does react. Wiggling a little. Zoe pokes at it again because her definition of “talk” seems to be different from ours. This time the creature did open its eyes. And they looked up towards the being created to bring ruin to this world. It looked unimpressed. Still, It did begin to uncurl itself revealing no extra wings or feet. What they saw is what they got. 

As the creature stretched its body Zoe saw some claws appear from it’s paws only to retract back in. It then sat on its back legs, looked up at Zoe. Zoe thought this meant it was ready to talk, “Hello! I’m Zoe. What’s your name?”

“Mrow”

“It’s nice to meet you, mister Ow. Now, I know this is a bit of a rude thing to ask, but...what are you?”

“Meow” Zoe had never heard of a Meow before. She looked back at Oz who support although they seemed to be looking at their phone. Suddenly their eyes went wide. 

“Zoe! I think I know what it is! It’s a cat!” All of Zoe’s eyes followed her boyfriends. What? A Cat? Impossible!

“But I thought cat was just a title. Like Capitan or Miranda. Cats are real!?”

“That’s what Google but the algorithm came alive is saying”

“It’s true,” Said google through Oz’s phone because Google is always listening, “That animal right there is a cat. How have you never seen one before?”

The question went unanswered as Zoe felt “cat” rub against her leg. Looking down it had its eyes closed and was smiling. It purred. Zoe just met this creature and she already decided that she would both die and kill for it. She picked it up and gave it head scratches. “Oz. We need to find more of these”

Oz was already ahead of her. As it turns out, such things called Cat Cafes exist which has both food and cats. Glad they found a solution to both of their problems, the two made their way to the café. Looking back on this weekend, the two would agree that this hour was the second best thing to happen all weekend. 

They stole so many cats from that café that by the end, it had just become a café with odd decorations.

Brian, Amira, and Scott were enjoying their time at the con. They were hanging out with Damien, but in the last panel Damien’s dads showed up to collect on a contract made to them. They have servants to do that sort of stuff normally, but since their baby boy was in the area they decided to make a day trip out of it. The Kings of Hell offered to allow the other three to join, but Brian felt it was important to let Damien spend some alone time with his dads (they had seen each other last night but that was HOURS AGO!). This would turn out to be a big mistake as Amira and Brian would have apprenticed the three extra sets of hands.

Near where a magical portal had just opened up from the Boiling Isles, a random game of football was still being played from the beginning of this chapter. Abby the golem was running up to the ball. She kicked. And thanks to her clay strength, the ball went flying, away from the game, down the hall, right in front of Scott’s face before continuing its path through the air.

As the ball flew past, all of Scott’s instinct as a sports player and dog kicked in all at once, “BALL!!” And he was off towards the chase. Amira followed suit but stopped when she saw Brian was not following. 

“What are you doing Green!? We have to get Scott!”

“...Why?” Brain responded. It was a reasonable question.

“Cause he has our wallets!” And Amira turned to begin the chase anew. 

“Wait, why did you give Scott your wallet?” Brain then fully registered what Amira said. He checked his own pocket, “Why did you pickpocket me and give him my wallet?” If Amira heard, she did not respond, only continuing her run after the werewolf. Brian sighed and began his own run. 

Despite how much faster Scott was, it was easy enough to follow the athlete. The path of destruction was clear as could be. Sometimes the ball bounced off of something to change directions. Other times someone kicked it. Scott followed all the same, not letting anything or any one stop him. You can decide for yourself if Scott pushed monsters out of the way or just ran through them in a literal sense. 

It was a good 10 minutes before the zombie and Djinn were finally able to catch up to Scott, although it was not a pretty sight. The werewolf was on all fours, looking down on the ground with no ball in hand or mouth. Looking a little farther ahead the two player characters saw the ball, currently stuck the the quills of a were-pocapine, deflated. 

Brain approached the werewolf, now in tears, “You okay buddy?”

“The ball! The ball did nothing to deserve this! But now it’s gone forever. All thanks to the maliciousness of another!!” The porcupine seemed unaware of the football in his quills. Amira was about to ask when her wolf buddy got a thesaurus when his head shot up. Tears were on his face, but his eyes did not reflect sadness or the normal wide eye joy of Scott. Instead they were hardened like steel, with a fire of determination and rage inside of them, “I will never let something like this happen again” And he never did. 

25 years in the future, Brian and Amira were sitting in the council chamber. The council had gathered at the behest of Emperor Howl in order to plan a celebration for the 20th anniversary of the unification of the world under his iron grip. The council was officially made up of Lord Eternal: Emperor Scott Howl, The Goddess of War: High General Dahlia Aquino, and Still A Princess Cause She Asked: Miranda Vanderbilt. Brian and Amira did not have such titles, but were still the trusted advisors of the ruler of the world. They were allowed places at this table. Miranda was currently giving her own proposal.

“And sense there are only 10 Airpeople left in existence and they are all in captivity, I believe holding public execution of them to finally end their strange and terrible socialist ways,” Emperor Howl gave a nod in agreement, “Great! Then I shall have one of my serfs prepare food. How does pizza sound?” A murmur of approval was given around the table. All except for one person.

“No” He did not yell, but his voice still boomed throughout the room. All eyes turned in shock and disbelief. As he had all their attention, Scott began to speak but sounding a bit more sophisticated and British, as happens when you become evil, “I have thought long and hard about this decision. When I began my crusade, it began in order to do one thing. To make sure that no ball would ever be deflated again” Scott gestured up to a stained glass mural. It depicted the event in majestic detail. Looking up to it now even brought a bit of a tear to Dahlia’s eyes, “And I’ve realized recently that pizza is nothing more than a distraction and such distractions can lead to tragedies. So no. From this day forward pizza shall be outlawed” If anyone had any objections, no one said anything. They all knew better than to speak up against the wisdom of Howl. Miranda suggested soup next which his lord found acceptable. And with that the meeting ended. After a minute the hall was empty save for Amira and Brian who volunteered (well, Amira volunteered both of them) to clean up. This was code for ‘We need to talk now!’

“Can you believe this?!” Amira said running up to Brian was she was sure everyone was far enough away, “I was okay when he sent all pointy weapons into the sun so there would be less things to hurt a ball.. I was okay when he Thanosed the porcupines as retribution for the day of infamy. I was fine when he destroyed Ao3 for some reason,” While Amira may have been fine with it, Zoe most definitely was not. Without the site, Zoe saw no more use for this world and decided to end it. Unfortunately, her ability to distort the fabric of reality until it breaks was no match for the unrivaled strength and tactical brilliance of Lord Howl. Of all the worlds where ruin was being brought on by her hands/tentacles, this one was not just the only one to survive, but kill the world ender, “But this?! Ending pizza forever! This is to much!”

“This isn’t the Lord Howl we agree to serve. Not any more” Brain said, nodding his head, “Now I just feel silly killing our loved ones to prove our loyalty” Well shit, let’s not linger on the implications of that line.

“Glad you have my back on this man. I don’t think either of us are up to take Lord Howl on our own”

“I don’t even know if we’d be enough. You remember when he defeated the whole Coven, Plus their god, Plus Liam and Dimirti, all at once blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back all while doing someone else’s taxes because they were bad at numbers because the Lord Enteral was feeling generous that day. Howl is a force to be reckoned with,” Brain said resigned. Amira was not so quick to give up however

“In that case, we need to be smarter. Hit him in a way that will both cripple him and that he wouldn’t see coming” Amira thought on this matter and, drawing from ancient memories that she didn’t even know she still had, came up with two wacky situations to try and resolve this conflict. 

Go back to your thirsty roots. Ask him to prom and show him the error of his ways through dance. 

Go to someone smarter than you to come up with a plan to destroy the empire that Emperor Howl has created

Amira picked the latter as neither Brian nor herself were thinkers. Instead they went to the smartest person they could think of, so they left for the royal green house. 

“Oh, why hello there Friends Amira and Brian. How might I help you today?”

“Calculester, we are on an important mission for the Emperor. He wanted your beautiful mind to solve a question. If someone were to hypothetically try to overthrow our ruler of the sun and moon, how would they do it?”

“Friend Amira. This question has me concerned that you are planning on turning against Friend Scott. Is this true?” Amira assured the computer that this was not true and that this is actually a quest for the Lord Howl. Brain backed up the lie.

“Yep. We’re trying to prevent anyone from doing your idea. So let’s hear it,” Okay, so he didn’t back her up a lot. Still, it was enough to convince the gardener. He sat the djinn and zombie down and began to draw out their plan on a chalkboard. 

“There is no conceivable way to defeat Friend Scott as he is now. So I theorize the best way to stop him would be to travel back in time before he began his quest.” Calculester stopped and pointed at Amira who had her hand raised

“And kill him?”

“That would be one method, but his quest was started by a tremendous loss. Preventing that loss would in theory prevent the drive. But such a task would require a time machine.” 

“I see. I see. And where could we find a time machine? Hypothetically” She added that last part late, but not late enough for Cal to notice anything wrong. As such he helpfully pointed to the corner of the room. 

“Friend Scott brought it to me to keep it safe, just in case he ever needed it. I grow some of my plants there since it keeps such good humidity. Would you like me to show you how it works?” The former bandmates now contributors to genocides said yes.

And thus Calculester showed them how it all worked and even gave them licenses saying they completed the course. Once Amira was confident in her ability, she had Brain distract the computer, and she sent herself back in time. 

Near where a magical portal had just opened up from the Boiling Isles, a random game of football was still being played from the beginning of this chapter. Abby the golem was running up to the ball. She kicked. And thanks to her clay strength, the ball went flying, away from the game, down the hall, right in front of Scott’s face before continuing its path through the air.

It was then caught before it could get too far by Amira, but from the future. Looking over at the goofy boy, she tossed it over to Scott. Scott caught it and began to do a little cheer because he has a ball now. Seeing this, Amira got a smile on her face as she knows that she just saved pizza for everyone. She was so distracted by it that she didn’t notice someone was watching until they said, 

“DAMN! I can’t believe I get even sexier” Future Amira looked over and saw her past self and past Brain.

“Sup” 

“So, you’re like the future me right? Got any advice?”

“Buy Krypto” And then she began to fade away. Unfortunately when she made her earlier choice, she wasn’t actually smarter than she was charming. While the status quo was restored, the event still ended in a failure. Future Amira lost -2 Smarts and -1 Money and the future she came from and by extension herself was erased from existence.

“So, how do you like it in this dimension so far”, Vicky asked her new teenage companions. She hadn’t been dissuaded on the adoption thing yet (doesn’t help that Luz is all for it with Amity). Vicky was at least receptive enough to take the girls to an Azura panel. Now they all sat near the stairs, eating some snacks that she brought. Thankfully, Vicky always prepared for adoption so she had enough for everyone. 
 
“It’s not bad. We didn’t have conventions on the Boiling Isles so it’s cool to see a bit more of Luz’s stuff. And people here are a lot cooler with our relationship than either of our home dimensions.” Amity said
 
“Yeah, and no one here has tried to eat me, which is a bit of an improvement from the Boiling Isles. Although a disturbing number of people have tried to give me drugs and alcohol. I’m 14.” Luz said
 
“I’m sorry. And once Polly sobers up I’m sure she’ll say sorry too, instead of just being afraid of Amity’s hair” To be fair, it was purple, the devil’s color, 
 
“It’s fine. After all, this universe has 32 Sherk movies. Mine has 5 (if you count Puss in Boots) and Amity’s only has 14“ All dimensions have All-Star by Smash Mouth, “This place is pretty cool” Vicky smiled, satisfied with the fact that buying them the Shrek collection box set was a good souvenir present.
 
“So, what do you gals want to do next? I still got a lot of time before my next scheduled appearance, so I can take you just about anywhere”
 
Before either could answer, a much older witch came running up to the trio. She had gray hair, and a staff with an owl on the end. She looked a little out of breath, but still had a proud smile on her face, “Great, I finally found you. Well girls, I have good news and bad news. Bad news is we have to cut the day short. Good news is I got copies of all of our wanted posters" Eda pulled out three wanted posters: one for Luz, one for Amity, and one for Vicky. Luz was striking a heroic pose in hers, a bright smile on her face as her cap flowing and a magical ball of light in one hand with a few glyphs in another. Amities also has a smile on her face, but it was smaller with a more subdued confidence. Vicky’s seemed to be striking a dramatic pose while wearing a serious face and glaring eyes "Save those. You should always treasure you first bounty on each plan you go”
 
“Why do we have posters? And how do they even know what our magic is like?”
 
“Cause I was very descriptive during the police interrogation now let’s move” The Owl Lady then proceeded to do whatever she needed to do in order to open up a portal between realms (how does she do it? Heck if I know. At time of writing, the second half of season 2 hasn’t come out yet. Who knows how dimension hoping will work going forward). 
 
As Eda was doing whatever she was doing, all Vicky could do was look on at her two kids. She realized now that this would be the time she’d have to say goodbye to them. It was for the best really. She didn’t want to mother them too much, and it was probably time for them to leave the nest anyway. 
 
A crash from behind them was heard and several guards arrived, “There they are! Stop them!” The witches all turned to face their foe, only for Vicky to put her arm out.
 
“No, you all go on ahead. I’ll hold them off. You leave” She didn’t turn to face them, but a single tear did roll down her face.
 
“Cool. Thanks!”
 
“Later Vicky!”
 
“Nice meeting you” and the three jumped in the portal. Swiping away the tears, Vicky looked up at those charging in. Her aura began to glow as it radiated with the energy of her fighting spirit made manifest. She then proceeded to electrocute the shit out of all of them.

After investing in Kryto The Superdog DVD Collections (I mean, what could ‘Buy krypto’ have meant. It had a ‘K’ and everything) , Amira planned to meet up Oz and Zoe to do something that I don’t feel like making up right now. Hopefully I’ll think of something weird to say here before I post this. 
 
On her way there Amira ended up seeing a man in way too much eye shadow hiding behind a pillar, not far from the two gods Amira was meeting up with. Every few seconds he would peek out to look only to duck back again. Like a bird in a cuckoo clock but constant and creepy. The drow didn’t notice Amira as she approached, “I know my buds could probably kill you, but if you don’t stop I’ll save them the trouble” The creeper turned around at the sudden threat which gave Amira a better look at him, “Hey, you’re the weirdo from lunch yesterday” It’s true! He was!
 
Here is the physical description again in case you don’t remember: ‘a tall lanky drow man with his hair pulled back into a ponytail. He had on all black leather that seemed to be a mix of a leather suit and a flowing cape. On top of the cape sat two large swords far too big to be practical. The man also seemed to have Heterochromia as one eye was purple and the other was red. From his eyes were streaks of eye shadow running down his face. The lines were too clean to have been from tears’ 
 
“On any other day, I may have welcomed the sweet release of death, but I fear I can no longer. For you see, I finally found her. A fellow dark soul that might finally be able to save mine from the horrible curse that inflicts me” Both the drow and Amira peaked around the column again, but for different reasons. The couple of biblical proportions were currently carrying a bunch of cats. All the cats begging carried by Zoe were simply laying around, enjoying/not caring about the ride. The ones being carried by Oz, while not aggressive, were all trying to get down. Of the two, Zoe was having the better time. 
 
Amira turned back to the drow with an eyebrow raised, “Zoe?”
 
“Is that her name? That might just be the most beautiful name I’ve ever heard” The drow turned around again, this time looking up at nothing in particular, just accepting the warmth of the name said. 
 
Amira took another look at the guy. This was the first time she had seen him this close up without a broom in his face. It was odd. The burnette was confident she had never seen this person before, but something about them just seemed oddly familiar. Maybe he was from one of the mods? Those weren’t canon so it was harder to remember happening. Maybe he was from a different fic? Wait, no. Something about that clicked in her head. 
 
“What’s your name?”
 
“Death Saber Night-Heart. I’ve never had friends, but if I did, they would call me Blood” Oh god, this was one of the original characters Zoe had shown Amira back in high school. 
 
Zoe, like many people, went through a time where she felt she was all alone in the world and that no one understood her. Being embroiled in fandom, Zoe’s outlite for this angst turned to writing a self insert story where her love interest was a fellow cursed individual, the spawn of a Drow noble woman and a fallen angel, Death Saber Night-Heart. But how on earth could this be? A fictional character, real in this world? Such a thing was unheard of! Thankfully around the pillar, Zoe suddenly decided to get very loud.
 
“Hey Oz, did you know that a few years ago back at Spooky High, I went to a sleepover with the Coven. And Dahlia was there too?” Zoe said. Oz responded, but was not yelling. As such their dialogue will not be shown, “Yeah, so I convinced them to use a spell to bring to life some character in a really old fic I wrote, but then nothing happened. Faith said it probably did work, but they were sent somewhere else. But honestly, I think she mostly said that so I would still uphold my end of the deal. Speaking of, can you order me 6 left foot crocs next time you order stuff online” Some of the spells the coven uses to defeat big bads have weird requirements.
 
The OC’s origins answered, Amira turned back to them, “So Death-”
 
“Call me Blood”
 
“No. Cause we are not friends” Amira said, not letting him interrupt her again, “So your plan is to do what exactly?” 
 
“Once that third wheel in our love triangle leaves, I shall walk over there, and once our eyes meet our souls will become aflame as we will both know the other is the only one who can possibly understand the storm within our hearts”.  Amira scofts
 
“Okay, so you’re going to awaken some inner warm for Zoe?” Amira looks at all the spikes and leather, “Unless you plan to give her all those layers in endues a heat stroke, I doubt that” 

“Hey, I’ll have you know, I am in fact able to unlock the tender side of people. For example I’ve had intimate sex with forever bad boy Damien LaVey” Said the OC come to life

“Oh please, that’s nothing. Having sex with Damien is like making out with Liam. Everyone’s done it except Dahlia” Death forced a sigh

“Fine then. You are far from the first woman who didn’t understand me. But what I know is true,” They both glanced over and saw that Oz had stepped away, “and I’ll prove it to you!” and they began to walk over. Amira was prepared to jump in if need be, but she mostly just wanted to watch. It was like watching a cat about to crawl into something you knew they were going to get stuck in. Hilarious, but also pathetic in equal measure.

Blood to his friends was not aware of this perception however, only full of confidence as they walked. Once they got close they kept a sideways glance towards the eldritch cutiepie. Then Zoe began to turn her head and the drow made his move. He turned his head as well. They now faced each other. 

Their two eyes met, they looked into each other. Mr. Night-Heart began to feel it as this one moment seemed to last forever and he felt the weight of his inescapable destiny (which even in fic is not real) seemed to be lighted just a little. He knew this was it. The moment he had been waiting for years to happen finally was. And for as quickly as his confidence in purpose rose, it was just as quickly shattered. 

Once that brief moment passed, Zoe began to turn her head again, this time looking down at her phone to see if any of the artists she followed had posted something since she checked 20 seconds ago (they had not). She didn’t even give a passing thought to the drow. For her, he was just a dude. 

Death just continued to stair, feeling absolutely broken. Once Oz returned and the two left, the drow fell to his knees. Amira, feeling bad for him, walked up to the pitiful man and patted him on the back, “You okay ya twink?”

“I don’t understand. I felt like I was made for her. That we had a bond that would transcend everything else. So why did nothing happen when I approached? Why did she not know who I was?”

“Cause that was years ago buddy” He looked up at the djinn, confused. Didn’t everything else include time, “Look, Zoe isn’t the same person she was back in high school. I mean yeah, they’re clearly both Zoe, but she’s changed a lot. And who would have been good for her then isn’t necessarily who is good for her now. We need different people during different parts of our lives. And right now, that person Zoe needs is Oz” Amira rested her hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw a soft smile on her face, the smile of someone who really knew what they were talking about

“But I had been waiting for her for so long?” Saber said as the words sunk in

“Then it might be time to let go” The light hand on the shoulder turned into a tight pincer, “And if you don’t and try to break them up; I will break you” 

“But what do I do next?”

“I’d say, try to grow and change yourself. Don’t worry about who you are now, or even who you will be. Just live your life and let yourself be changed from it in ways both big and small. Now, is there anything you’ve never had an interest in before?”

“I’ve never been interested in anything except finding my beloved”

“Okay. Cool. Let’s sign you up for yoga then, and I’ll see if there are any glass blowing classes happening soon” And thus, with appointments made, Amira sent Death Saber Night-Heart to become a more realized person.

Polly’s emotions could swing wildly over the course of the day, but rarely did she ever really get upset. Oh, it could happen to be sure, but for her to get truly upset, truly angry something had to be wrong. 

Damien in contrast could, has, and will again get angry at fruit. So if Polly was in a bad mood, he surely was too. So, what is the cause of the party ghost and prince of hell’s dislike?

“GOD I’M SO BORED!” Oh yes. They are the friends that come along to the con that aren’t super into fandom, so in between stuff that actually interests them they just kind of sit around. Damien had long since run out of knifes to throw at people (a sentence has never truly happened before, and it’s very existence seemed to sake Damien foundation of reality) and Polly was in time out from dugs after trying to give some to a minor (although in her defense basically no one Polly interacts with is under the age of 20, and those two girls were definitely voiced by full grown women). “UNLESS SOMETHING SUPER INTERESTING FALLS FROM THE SKY RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO START DESTROYING SHIT!!” That is the third time he’s said that in hopes that the universe would take pity on him and his ghostly friend. Sadly it has not the previous two times.

But third time's the charm as they say, as Damien felt a bonk on his head. After a few minor swears he checked out what it was. It turned out to just be a turkey baster. Despite his previous wish, this wasn’t what he had in mind. He prepared to throw it up to whoever dropped in only to find a ceiling with no higher level. The actual origins of this kitchen appliance will be revealed in my next fic when I get around to writing it. If you don’t plan to stick around for that, then don’t worry. The answer is underwhelming. Polly had her own interpretation however. 

“Damien! Don’t you see? This Turkey baster came from nowhere. It must be a sign from the universe that we must do something! But what?!” Polly proclaimed. She then floated through Damien to get a better look at the tool. She looked at it long and hard before coming to the logical conclusion of, “The universe wants us to play karaoke!”

“Oh! Of course. It looks kinda like a microphone. Karaoke is the only reasonable take away from this!” And thus the two began to make their way through the convention center in search of karaoke. They did not check if there was any karaoke happening nearby or where it might be. Why would they? The universe gave them a sign and they were going to follow it through. 

Luckily, they did find a room in the con that was being set up for karaoke. It was here however that the universe set up its first obstacle in the form of Davis the convention volunteer.

“The FUCK you mean we can’t do karaoke?!” Oh, a tragedy equal to that of Hamlet. Neither are particularly happy with the con worker who told them no. 

“Look you two, I’m sorry. But despite what all the chaos may have you believe, we are trying to run a clean ship here,” said the bravest employee working at the Monster Con. This is the same guy who yesterday went up to General Milo to tell them to wrap up the war. This guy does not fear death or hell as it seems, “The karaoke hall will be opening up in 5 minutes once they finish cleaning the room. You can sing until your lungs give out afterwards” And then they left to continue cleaning. Their hard work will go unappreciated. 

“Well, now what do we do? Wait five minutes?” 

“No Damien. We can’t! We’ve been called upon by a higher power to do this. We cannot let a simple 5 minutes get in our way”

“So we help him clean? Cause I’m not about cleaning” 

“No Brian’s Spicy Red Baby! We’re going to go in there and demand the ability to sing!"

And so they went in. The conversation went on for about 5 minutes, all the way Davis was still picking things up and testing the mics. After they were done, they left. Damien and Polly felt they had one this day. 

They both approached the mic on the makeshift stage. “I can’t believe it Damien. After our long journey we finally made it. Do you want to be the first to sing?”

“I do, but I shouldn’t” Polly looked at the demon in surprise, “Polly, you’re the reason why we’re here. You saw the signs. You lead us to this room. You didn’t let time stop us. You've proven to the universe that you deserve to be up here” And Damien began to walk away to a chair that was set up. Polly wanted to cry, but instead she put up a big smile, selected her song, and began to sing an out a key version of Riptide.

And as Polly sang on, people began to come into the room for their own turn to sing horribly. Of the people who came in, none of them were D&P’s friends. Oz, Zoe, and Amira were doing nerd shit. Vicky joined Scott in his game of sport with the kickstarter exclusive PCs. And Brian got lost so he took a nap. They were all off doing their own thing and Polly sang her heart out. And as she does, you should consider doing so as well. 

If you’re reading this after it is all done, consider this another breaking point. Eat some food. Go to bed. Get ready for class or work. It’ll still be here when you get back. So enjoy yourself in the outside world as Damien stands up in this fictitious one to sing Every Time We Touch.

Chapter Text

“Last call for registration for the World Pokemans championships. Last call for registration for the World Pokemans championships” A voice rang out over the intercom of the largest room in the hotel. It was about to start. 

There were in fact many reasons to go to the Monster Con. Interact with other fans, meet creators of works, buy cool stuff for too much money. But one of the things that brings people from around the world is that the Monster Con is the home of the annual World Pokemans Championship. It was by far the biggest event held at the con. As such the con organizers had retrofitted the biggest room in the hotel to look like a giant boxing ring. Inside the ring are a bunch of tables where the players will sit and actually have their matches. Around the stadium were a number of folding chairs (the actual ring burned through their budget. So metal folding chairs it is). 

Most, but not all, of the gang we’ve been following these last two days have entered the championships to win it big (the prize is a bag of fertilizer. Like I said, they burned their budget on the ring). Of those who were not looking for glory, Vicky was leading the quest for good seating. Vicky was leading because Oz could barely make a decision between two choices, Scott would happily sit on anyone’s lap, and Polly would happily sit in anyone’s lap. The choice of where to sit was inadvertently made for her when she was someone sitting alone and off to the side. They had purple skin, purple hair, purple suspenders, and purple socks. 

“Liam?” Yes, it was in fact Liam, “What are you doing here? This doesn’t really seem like your scene” Liam signed loudly and the rest of the four gathered around to claim their seats.

A few hours ago the Lioncourt-Johnson-Johjima household was alerted to their new guest thanks to the slamming of their front door open with a powerful kick. 

“Hello fellow Coven member!” Dahlia proclaimed

“You’re not a member of the Coven Dahlia” At this point, there wasn’t even anger in Joy’s voice, just a melancholy that this will be going on until her end of days. Dahlia ignored the nuance (and the literal words said) to continue their mission here.

“No time for pleasantries, fellow Coven member. I’m actually here for Liam,” And that Joy raised an eyebrow and Liam raised his head from his phone. 

“Yes?” Liam asked, curious and a little concerned. 

"Liam, Today I shall be engaging with the LaVey in brutal combat, and I need someone both small and sexy in my corner cheering me on. And I've chosen you to lead that cheer."

"Oh, well I'm flattered but that's not really my- Hey!" Being a small twig, the purple vampire was easily picked up and thrown over the blue demon's shoulder. "Put me down this instant!"

"Nonsense, you'll love it!"

"No, no. Put me down. Joy, Joy, tell her to put me down. Joy, JOY!"

“And then Joy just went back to reading her book” Liam finished recounting the story from a few minutes ago. He tried to leave twice now, but Dahlia kept bringing him back here, “And Dahlia STILL made me pay for my own ticket!” Scott, after hearing this sad story (well, he didn’t really understand why it was sad, but Liam seemed to think it was) hugged the vampire tightly. This didn’t seem to improve the mood.

“NO! Don’t worry Liam! Your friends are here to back you up so you’ll have the bestest time!” Vicky joined the hug as well. Polly also joined because why not? Oz joined the hug because of peer pressure. 

“And besides” Vicky said, “Maybe you’ll actually enjoy it”

“I highly doubt that...but thank you” And he was smiling a little. Liam is kind of a softy

“Why hello darlings! I should have figured you all would be here” said Milo who had also just arrived and noticed the group. They didn’t need to buy a ticket. They had done consulting work for the developers of Pokemans (Game Normal) before, so they just called in a favor. Warm greetings were given to the death reaper, except for one. 

As response to the new arrival, the purple vampire stood up and stared down Milo. Thanks to a glare from the overhead lights, Liam’s glasses were whited out. It only added to the over all glare being thrown at Milo, “Belladonna”

“Oh Liam. I didn’t see you there” They did in fact see Liam there. They just like stirring up drama, “Tell me, did you ever get that seventh follower you were aiming for” Milo had returned their gaze to their own phone

“Oh please, I just got my eighth earlier today”

“Oh wow. That’s great for you. Well, I would happily follow you to make it nine, but you know how it is. I have a lot of younger followers. Wouldn’t want them to be exposed to trash thanks to me”

“I may post literal garbage sometimes, but at least my posts are genuine” At best, what Liam just said was a lie, but it did strike a nerve. Milo looked up from their phone

“How-dare you! I’ll have you know my whole brand is authenticity!” Milo said in a way not dissimilar to a child, “Have you seen the number of likes I get on a singular picture?!” 

“Of course not. I only look for quality work when I go through social media” And Liam probably could have won this verbal battle if they stopped talking there. They did not, “But even if I had, your follower count compared to actual likes? It’s pathetic. At least I know ALL my followers are enjoying my work” Spying an opening, Milo decided to press that advantage. 

“Really? And just what are those followers able to provide you with Lioncourt? Because my followers are able to give me opportunities to truly flex my craft. After all, we all know which one of us was brought on as the lead photography consultant on New Pokemans Snap” It was Milo in case that wasn't obvious. When Liam learned that factoid he was PISSED, “And tell me Liam, what Pokemans game were you a consultant on?”

“...Pokemans Dual”

“Oh that’s right. A nothing game that only 5 people played. I guess it does make sense that you were brought on then. Didn’t want the game to get too popular I guess”

“It may not have been as popular as some of the other apps, but we made quality!” This went on for the next few minutes. None of their mutual friends tried to intervene. For them, watching Liam and Milo fight was basically a pre-show. 

There was actually a bet going on about how long it would be before an argument finally led to them making out. After Joy started dating Liam again the betting stopped. Well, publicly at least.

After spending about an hour trying to prove that she was in fact not Councilor Flodge (all the while still having Liam on her shoulders) Dahlia finally arrived at the Monster Con. She wasn’t able to be here for most of the festivities, but she was fine with that. Except for the concert yesterday. One of the performers was NateWantsToBattle, and Nathan Sharp is just one of her favorite cover artists (Her and Damien’s shared love of the performer was one of the driving factors to the two switching from rival to people who know each other in an inherently non-aggressive way). She almost considered letting the rebellion take over her capital so she could get here early, but that would have been inappropriate. After all, Miranda was helping Dahlia smash the rebellion and it was important to respect girl’s night. But none of that mattered now. Dahlia was here and she was ready to crush all those who stood in her way, including her friends. 

Speaking of her friends, that is who Dahlia was looking for now. She was bored sitting in this back room, so she needed some form of friendship. She spotted Zoe first, but they seemed to already be in conversation with a random monster nerd, “So would you say you’re more like the D-Reaper or the Eldrazi?” Seemingly waiting for this question her whole life, Zoe pulled out the large pin board she had always been dragging around with her but no one has ever mentioned until now. It was covered in pictures of both Magic and Digimon with herself in the center. 

Finding nothing to be gained in that direction she also sees Damien and Brain in another corner. They were doing cuties couples stuff, and Dahlia refused to be a third wheel in the clusterfuck again. Looking around me, Dahlia also saw Kale, but she never met him so to her it didn’t matter. Finally she saw someone who she knew could take a punch. 

Dahlia ran up to Amira and clocked her on the back of the head. 

Amira went in for two quick left jabbs. Dahlia was able to brace herself, but Amira had a mean left hook. It was difficult to brace. In response the blue demon grabbed Amira’s head and brought their face to Dahlia’s knee. 

 Using the current placement of her upper body, Amira swung her lower body up and did a leg grapple around Dahlia’s neck. She then proceeded to lay in some punches, 

Instead of throwing another fist, Dahlia decided to run head first into a wall. Amira wasn’t able to get out of the way and was slammed into the wall, loosening the grip. As she fell to the ground Amira with her last bit of strength kicked Dahlia in the shin. The force was enough to bring her down. Still, that was about all Amira could do as she was now pretty thoroughly beaten up. Amira lost consciousness soon after. 

All the while Kale was looking at the display in confusion as all he saw were these two women just started beating each other up for no reasons. He began to wonder if coming here was a mistake. This was a misunderstanding on the swamp monster’s part. Both Amira and Dahlia took violence as a second language at Spooky High School. So what may look like senseless violence to some (like Kale) was actually a nice conversation between friends. Here is a ruff translation of that conversation although I will admit, it’s more beautiful in its original tongue. 

“Amira!”

“Dahlia! How the hell are you?” 

“I’m doing okay. I was able to convince Liam to come and watch, so I’m feeling pretty good about my people skills”

“Well, that’s great buddy. I’m glad to hear it. So, you ready for the tournament?” 

“Yep. I’ve been filing paperwork all week. I think I’m ready”

“Well good luck then” 

Truly friendship is a beautiful thing.

“If you knew you had a thing for her after the second term, why didn’t you ask her to the meteor shower at Camp Spooky? Both of you were there, right?” Liam asked, having successfully averted his eyes long enough from Milo to have a conversation with Oz.

“Oh, Zoe and I both took up the Yellow player slot. So we were physically incapable of being together for the shower.  So unless we went into the gallery, and played around with positions, it was literally impossible for us to get together at Camp. But that’s fine. Monster Prom Reverse when it eventually comes out makes it possible again” Oh that Wacky Oz and his ramblings that make no sense unless you have a higher level of understanding on the nature of reality. Before Liam could respond and trudge up a drug induced alternate reality, a voice came up from beyond high. No, it wasn’t god, it was the announcer for the events (and they were a goddess technically)

“Hello Everybody” The Goddess of the Coven said over the intercom, “I would like to welcome you all to this year's annual Pokeman World Tournament!” A cheer erupted from all around the stadium, once it calmed down a little she began again, “That’s right. We’re about to witness some of the best Pokeman battles any of us have ever witnessed. These Middle Managers have spent the past year entering tournaments and earning points to be invited here. We also have a few you paid a lot of money at the registration table to be allowed here. And...I am being told we have at least 5 people who security were unable to physically remove, so it was determined that they could be here along with the people who actually earned it. Truly a unique blend of people. And let’s met them now!”

The curtain from the far end of the stadium opened up. Out walked all the Pokeman combatants (or Middle Managers as they are called). It was about 200 people. The whole gang was part of the crowd as well, except Amira who was eliminated early thanks to her conversation with Dahlia. And despite Dahlia's current black eye and limp, the rest of them were ready to fight, “Sense this is the world championships, I won’t bore anyone with the details of how this game works. Instead myself and the protagonists in the stands,” A spotlight shines on the main monsters not in the tournament proper. Vicky and Scott waved at all the less important people, “will be commenting throughout about various rules and mechanics only as they become relevant. Now the Middle Managers have already received their numbers. Please find your first around opponent and let’s get this party rolling!” 

What followed was monsters just calling out numbers, trying to be louder than others in order to fight their first round matches. This went on for 40 minutes.

But finally everyone had begun their matches. A number of tables had been set up in the ring and now people were just playing their games. It was… actually just kind of boring to watch. The room didn’t have any TV set up, so there wasn’t a way to see a featured match. Seeing no other option, most everyone just sort of went to their phones and watched matches on twitch. This wasn’t a very well thought out set up.

Dahlia's first match was a difficult one. It was the mirror match with her opponent starting with the same opening gambit of using Leslie Nickels sense her public speaking stat is so high. Unfortunately sense they both shared a first and last name, it increased their “Viewing the other as a fellow human being” stat which makes fights harder (if Leslie’s intelligence was higher she would have realized that she was facing an alternate universe version of herself and be paralyzed by the cosmic implications). Still, Dahlia was able to pivot quickly to Sam Wilcox who works in mailing and does care for Leslie, so the battle was basically won at that point since Leslie wasn’t able to get her team going. 

Dahlia was one of the first matches over. Damien followed soon after with the end of his own match. While he was able to kill the minotaur he was up against, Damien also packed his team with serial killers who just ended up killing each other, causing Damien to ultimately lose. In some commentary after the fact Damien would say to the interviewer, “I guess I never really figured out how to play. I just like the show”. Kale also lost to another plant based monster. 

Brian also won his match although largely on a technicality. Brian fell asleep during his match, and his opponent thought he died. As such, they left which was interpreted by the rules committee as a forfeit claiming the win for the zombie. 

Zoe won her match as well, but it was something else. If Dahlia’s match was impressive for its speed and adaptability on display, then Zoe’s match was impressive due to the in depth knowledge of the games systems. It took a while, but Zoe was able to win by the rarely used orgy win condition where every Pocket Human under both Middle Managers ended up having a  giant orgy together. To achieve such a goal, a Middle Manager needs to have a deep understanding of the interpersonal relationships between all characters and how different human types would blend with each other. Clearly, she was up to the job. 

The three remaining Middle Managers grouped up, “So, I see I won’t be fighting Damien in battle today” Dahlia said

“I thought you two made peace with each other?” Zoe asked

“I mean yeah, but Damien is always a fun punching bag. No offense Brian” Brian just shrugged. He had no argument there, “But Zoe, you were amazing out there. I only saw the second half, but it was beautiful. I’ve never seen Quinten Patel and Yasmine Khan get into a committed relationship before. It was amazing!” Zoe blushed at the praise

“Thanks. I may not have seen any of your match, but the fact that you finished it before I even had a chance to look up says a lot” Zoe extended a tentacle to Dahlia, “I may not be as gleefully violent as Damien, but I would be honored for you to be my rival this tournament” Dahlia looked at the much smaller then her woman with shock and amazement. Tears began to form in her eyes. 

“It-*sniff*- it would be an honor” she reached out her hand to signify the new rivalry. 

“Hey now,” Brian commented, “I may have fallen asleep last round, but I still intend to win. Don’t sell me short” 

“Oh course not Brian! I’ve seen first hand how formidable your horny energy can be. I have no doubt that you will be an equally skilled fight once we face”

“Then let’s all agree,” Zoe said, “That we will only lose to each other and that one of use will for sure be the winner”

And the three put their hands together and promised that very things, that they would all be here until the end. And with that conversation done, the next round began promptly.

The next round ramped up the difficulty quickly. Dahlia’s next foe was tough. They invested in a lot of math specialists to do a lot of the late game taxes. It was basically impossible to catch up. Thankfully Dahlia had at least one person who was a school bully, so she tried to get a few of the nerds to relieve some childhood trauma. It worked, allowing Dahlia to catch back up. Still, even that was difficult and the stress was getting to her humans. At that point she could threaten their livelihoods by firing them or give them a vacation. She picked the former while her opponent picked the later. While Dahlia’s foe’s decision was more sustainable long term as well as just morally correct, this match was all about short term profit, so treating your works like gears in a machine was the correct thing to do in this situation. 

As Dahlia walked away from her match she saw a few people had already finished before her. What’s more, it looked like most were gathered around a single table. Going to check it out herself, she saw a surprise. It was Zoe, and she looked worried. 

Checking out the screen, it was a mess. She was behind on paperwork. Two of the coworkers had a nasty break up. And another three had just turned in their two weeks resignation. Zoe was trying valiantly to pull everyone back together, but it didn’t seem to be working.

Without much more going for her, she tried one last move to regain group order, she began to recount actions that she had done before to instill a family like tie in her work so her workers would have a positive association to the job. Hopefully that would make them stop looking out for their own interests and instead focus on Zoe’s. Sadly, when she tried that, Yasmine pulled out a copy of the Communist Manifesto. Zoe had lost. 

The force of losing was enough to send Zoe flying back. She looks up, eyes barely open, “I...I can’t believe it...I’ve been...Worfed” And then she faints dramatically. Dahlia ran over to her side. 

“Zoe? Zoe! SPEAK TO ME ZOE!!!” But it was to no avail. Dahlia grasped the eldritch horror’s tentacle, remembering the promise the three of them made. The blue demon brushed away some of the tears that had formed. She looked up again, this time with eyes full of range. There she saw the monster who did this to her friend. 

The monster was green skinned and covered in darker patches. It’s eyes were a mix of red and white. It was small and was currently resting on all four of it’s limbs. It seemed to have some sort of plant on its back. They stood on the table where the match was just held. It looked down towards the two monster women on the ground. They then locked eyes with Dahlia to which it finally spoke, 

“Bulbasaur” 

Chapter Text

“Hello and welcome back. For those of you just joining us, I’m the goddess of the Coven and I am now joined by social media sensation Milo Belladona who I recognized as a member of the crowd. I am also joined by this purple vampire who is standing outside of the sound booth and is just glaring at us. But thanks for joining me up here Milo.”

“It’s a pleasure to be here darling”

“As a recap, the floor is in an upstorm as high contender to win Zoe (From Monster Prom) has just lost in the second round, no less to first year competitor Bulbasaur” 

“It is worth noting to the viewers at home that we don’t actually know if that’s their name. But it is all they’ve said sense their first tournament earlier this year”

“Right you are Milo. This Bulbasaur fellow has already shaken up the standings”

Oz returned to his group in the stands only to be met with worried faces. Polly voiced the group’s concern, “How is she doing?”

“Good from what I can tell. The doctors literally have no idea how to check the vitals of the being from before the concept of physical bodies, so I asked my mom to come over and get her opinion. She thinks Zoe is fine. Just tired from the lose” The party all gave a sigh of relief. They had all met Oz’s mom, the unknowable zoid from before the start of the universe, and they knew she’d take care of Zoe, “Also while I was their I found Amira beaten and bloodied on the ground in the back”

“Oh,” Vicky said, “Did you leave Amira with your mom too?”

“No. I-I didn’t want to upset her if that’s where she wanted to be” No one was super worried about that. They had all found Amira beaten and bloodied on the ground so many times that it lacked all emotional weight. 

“So…anyone up on some gambling? Who will take  the biggest prize?”

“I put everything on Damien!” Scott declared, only somewhat understanding how gambling worked. Mostly he knew, after months of training, to put everything on Damien. He just hadn’t figured out why yet. Regardless, his ‘everything’ was everything in his pocket. Where was mostly just chuck e cheese tickets that he found in the pockets of a kid he might have mauled (he couldn’t remember if he did it or not)

“Buddy. Damien’s already out.”

“Okay!” Scott still not withdrawing his tickets. Vicky took them into the pile. 

“I-I’ll guess Brian then! 10 Money specifically!” And the embodiment of fear through the currency into the pile. They would have picked Dahlia, but he had known Brian longer and it would have been rude to pick him while he was still here. After all, what the zombie figured out that he had been betted against. That might destroy his friendship. And on that note, Scott’s refusal to side against Damien made Oz wonder. Should they have voted for Zoe? Sure she was already out, and the tournament didn’t allow for sporadic reenteries from previously defeated Middle Managers, not after last year anyway. But maybe it was about the principle of the matter. And then again what about Dahlia…

After about 5 Minutes, Oz had put Money on every person who signed up for the competition as well as Liam. Polly also put her money on Liam. Vicky, seemingly the only person who actually knew how gambling worked, put her money on this new fighter.

And thus the tournament went on. Brian and Dahlia were able to stay in the fight, but not without a few hurdles. Bulbasaur also stayed in the fight, and they seemed to be just a ball of momentum, refusing to slow down at all. Dahlia became so annoyed by this that she actually tried to fight him IRL. Unfortunately for her, it seems Bulbasaur was no stranger to fights and firered a powerful solar beam at Dahlia. Since she was blue, which made her basically a water type  the hit super effective (her other type was fighting, which was a bad match up to poison). Dahlia barely recovered in time for her next match. Still, she was able to keep going into where we were now. The semifinals. 

“That’s right, Narrator. We have reached the semifinals. Only four people remain. Brain Yu, Dahlia Aquino, Bulbasaur, and The Invisible Man. Our research team has told me that there is in fact no Invisible Man, no one was there, and the name was put in as a joke, yet they still made it this far.. And the pairings for the match are Bulbasaur vs. The Invisible Man and Brian vs. Dahlia. Both matching will be happening at once, so go to youtube for the first match and twitch for the second. I have also been assured by the event organizers that they are working on getting a TV for the final match but no promises. So Middle managers, go to you tables. And let the match begin”

Bulbasaur went off to a table, seemingly by themselves. Brian and Dahlia walked to another. Before they began, Brian extended his hand towards the warlord, “I’m glad we get to fight here”

“Agreed, but I wish it could have been in the finals”

“Yeah, I guess. But this is for more than just ultimate victory. We also have to see who gets to avenge Zoe”

“I mean yeah, but That’s not my only goal here” Brian raised an eyebrow. Dahlia finally took his hand and brought him in for a head butt. Brian had any blood in his body he’d be bleeding a little, “I came here to win”

“Well said” And thus the two brought out their Switches to begin the match. 

Brian opened with Matt Clarkson, a team leader who was good at stepping in to help any of their co-workers, but seemed to not have much initiative in it. Dahlia in contrast uses Leslie Nickels in order to give a team building speech to start the match. Once their openers had been set out, the both quickly switched out the same Pokemans Amanda Wisler, who is a good worker, but has some trouble with details. Despite switching to the same humans, Dahlia was doing much better number verification then Brian was.

“I don’t understand” Oz asked and a few people sitting him perked up. Not to answer of course, but with the actual commentators focused on the other match, “They’re using the same human. Why is Dahlia doing better than Brian?”

“It’s because” Vicky began as she put on some sunglasses with an impossible glare, “By starting out with Leslie Nickels Dahlia’s entire team has a general productivity boost. Where he stands right now, Brian can’t hope to finish this fight” Vicky did grow a smug smile on her face as she thought ‘But you don’t plan to stay in that place, do you Brian?’ 

No he did not. After another few seconds of working, Brian switched out Amanda Wisler for Matt Clarkson. And then in moments the verification was complete. Brain switched back to Amanda, and Dahlia still hasn’t finished her first verification. This was Brian’s plan. Let Amanda do most of the research and leg work and then Matt comes in to finish and put everything together. It’s an interesting combo. It’s like the posters say in the office in the game. Team Work DOES Make the Dream Work!

And this was Brian’s strategy, one human setting things up and another finishing the job. Productivity has gone up and down a lot, but it’s proven effective. Brain was in the lead now. Dangit, if only Dahlia had paid attention to any of his matches, this could have been worked around. Oh well. It was time to improvise! 

And for Dahlia, that meant violence. 

She quickly switched out Amanda for known warlord Jackson Chekoz in order to perform an assaination. Unfortunately for Dahlia, Brian had spent a lifetime trying to predict the desired outcomes of Dahlia and her peers (her peers in this case are other attractive people). He also lived with Damien and could sense murderous intent on a spiritual level. He switched as well. 

“No way!” Scott exclaimed as Pokemans was one of the few things in this world that he understood (well, kinda understood. He’s still Scott), “Brian just brought out Anika Swaminathan, they’re rare. And one of the best bodyguards in the game. Not even Jackson Chekoz would be able to get through that kind of defense” 

“What’s more,” Polly added, although she really didn’t play. She was just high enough to understand this game. She was also high enough that she thought Dahlia was turning into a goffer, but they broke that curse weeks ago (and curse might have been a bit misleading. Dahlia had bought those pills from the sex shop. It was only after she never turned back that she got medical professionals involved), “Thanks to Anika’s ability, whoever Brain switches into will have that same defense. If Goffer Dahlia doesn’t do something quickly, she’ll be out of this match!” Dahlia couldn’t hear Polly, but if she could there would be agreement. 

Dahlia glanced over at the other table. Bulbasaur was calm, cool, and collected, like their opponent wasn’t even there. Dahlia looked back at her own situation. She had a few different trump cards for today and one given that plant monster’s disposition, one of them probably wouldn’t work on them. But it would probably work on Brian. 

After selecting her move but before Brian did, Dahlia stood up. And with the confidence of a woman who knew just how attractive she was, Dahlia lifted up her shirt and flashed Brain. The zombie froze and just staired. His nose bleed a little. Up in the stands Oz and Vicky shared a similar fate begin both frozen with horny energy and bleeding through the same energy. Polly looked over at her partner exasperated, “I know you’re horny on main but come on Boo. You see big blue boobs almost every night” Amira was also not moving and has a nose bleed and it was also caused by Dahlia. At his third warning for slow play Brian was eliminated.

“Hello my darlings! And welcome back to our coverage on the Pokemans World Championships! I’m your host Milo and this is my coe-host, the Goddess”  

“Hello Everyone. We just finished the semifinals, but before the finals the two Middle Managers Dahlia and Bulbasaur are taking a well deserved break. So we thought we might take a minute to interview one of the fan favorites of his thoughts on the tournament. Damien LaVey, welcome to the both”

“Thanks for having me Milo and Joy’s kinda mom”

“So Damien, this is your first official Pokemans Tournament correct?”

“That’s right glowing lady” Despite hearing her name constantly from Joy, Damien never did figure out the Goddess’ name. “And I was skilled enough to be born into wealth, so I’m glad my ability to stand equal to and above these other Middle Managers was on full display today”

“People love wealth. I understand completely Damien,” Millo said, “Now, sense this was your first official tournament, do you have any takeaways from this experience?”

“We’ll I had a team that was all about violence, and I myself committed violence today. And yet I still lost. I guess a take away could be that violence isn’t actually the answer to all my problems, but that can't be the case cause they are. So I think my only take away is that this sucks and I should just stick to the Pokeman games that I like”

“Oh, and what ones would that be?”

“Mostly Pokemans Go and Pokemans Dual” Milo’s nails and heart in his chest went black.

“Ha! In your FACE Belladonna!” Came the voice of Liam from outside of the commentator’s booth, “Oh, just wait until all my Momentgram follower hear about this!” Liam said as he pulled out his phone. Milo in response stood up and began to follow the purple vampire, yelling all the while.

“It’s 202X Liam! You can just use Instagram!”

Liam scoffed, “Don’t be angry at me just because I have more followers than you on Momentgram thanks to my pics”

“YOU ONLY HAVE MORE FOLLOWERS BECAUSE IT’S A TRASH SITE FOR TRASH SIGHTS!” And now both internet addicts were gone.

“And I think that’s about all the time we have for this interview. Once again, thank you for joining us Damien”

“It’s cool. Later”

 In the final moments before the final battle starts, the event organizers finally brought in TVs. The best they were able to do was borrow a bunch of CRTs from the Super Smash Brother tournament that happened yesterday (the event was seen as sacred by all participants of the Monster Con War, so it was not to be disturbed. Kale lost that tournament too). Those TVs were now scattered throughout the room. They would have to give the TVs back once the tournament was over. 

The stage had been edited a bit, now only one table remains. No large announcement was given. Instead the lights just dimmed. Two spotlights appeared on opposite ends of the room, one figure walked out from each. To the left the buff blue demon Dahlia Aquino. To the right, the Seed Pokémon Bulbasaur. The room was in silence as the two Middle Managers walked to the center of the room. Once they arrived, the smaller one began to speak. 

“Bul, bulba. Saur saur. Bulbasaur. Bulba bulba bulba Bul, Saur. Bulbasaur Saur?”

“Agreed” Dahlia had no idea what was just said to her.

The two nodded at each other and both sat down to prepare their councils. 

“Well everyone. Milo never came back, and Damien fell asleep up here. As such it shall just be me presenting up here for this, the final match. Unlike the rest of the single elimination matches, this shall be a best of three. Are both competitors ready?” Both gave a thumbs up (Bulbasaur produced vines which they used to make a thumb). And thus the match began!

Bulbasaur opened with Matt Clarkson, a team leader who was good at stepping in to help any of their co-workers, but seemed to not have much initiative in it. Dahlia in contrast uses Leslie Nickels in order to give a team building speech to start the match. Once their openers had been set out, the both quickly switched out the same Pokemans Amanda Wisler, who is a good worker, but has some trouble with details. Despite switching to the same humans, Dahlia was doing much better number verification then Bulbasaur was. Luckily for Bulbasaur, they planned for this and ended up switching to Matt Clarkson which shot Bulbasaur ahead….Look, I’m sorry it’s the same, but that’s what can happen at higher levels of play. At a certain point the meta convergences. Not every world tournament can have someone bring in a squirrel for a surprise win. 

Still, this one fight was going scarcely similar to the last one Dahlia just had. Seeing this she decided to skip right to her victory condition. She stopped her turn to flash the grass/poison type. And just like clockwork, the player characters received nose bleeds once more. It’s nice to have some constituency in life. 

Sadly, Dahlia was not in the same egg group as Bulbasaur (despite being a monster herself, she was actually in the Human-Like egg group), so nothing happened. Taking advantage of Dahlia’s focus away, Bulbasaur was able to take the first win. Dahlia looked up at her fellow Middle Manager. Dahlia will admit, she hadn’t met a lot of weird plant, frog, lizard, dinosaur, things, but the demon thought it was looking smug at her. 

“Oh, and it looks like Bulbasaur has won that round. Just one more win for them, and they will be our new world champion! If Dahlia wants to get out a win, she’ll have to rethink her game plan!” The goddess was right and Dahlia knew it. Unfortunately for her, thinking of clever strategies was not her strong suit. The boobs thing was about the best she could manage in that department. This is why she always likes to ally herself with smart people. 

Still, Dahlia knew she needed to change up her game plan. So that left one good solution for her to change up her strategy. She closed her eyes and picked 4 of her 8 employees at random. With both teams now selected, round two began. 

In a move that shocked everyone, including herself, Dahlia ended up starting the match with Jina Dhadho where Bulbasaur’s Matt Clarkson came out again. 

“But that doesn’t make sense. Jina is just kind of an okay worker. Their skills are moral based. As the office joker, they’re at their best when used to lighten the mood. But if you bring them in too early…”

“Then Jina’s sense of humor only distracts from getting any more done. Productivity will only go down” said Brian, who was now sitting with the rest of the gang minus Zoe (who had finally woken up, but was now being fitted for a cast), Liam and Milo (where were somewhere else still arguing), Damien (who fell asleep), and Amira (who never woke up), “Dahlia must have some sort of a plan, but I have no idea what it is”

Bulbasaur didn’t understand what it was either. As such they decided to switch up their game plan just in case. Cheng Lam Ku was brought out instead, a notorious stick in the mud, who would hopefully be able to counteract the humor of Jina.

Unfortunately, this particular Jina was allowed to thrive under Dahlia’s leadership (it helped that the demon enjoyed a good joke and that she made a lot of obviously bad decisions that Jina could easily make fun of). Even Cheng Lam began to crumble under Jina’s wit. Clearly, this wasn’t working. Another switch was in order. Landin Rosenthal was another pick. Just an okay worker, but incredibly good natured. This proved to be an asset as they were able to have incredibly good banter with Jina, but with a bad twist for Dahlia. Landin productivity was low but still ongoing. Jina in contrast had no productively any more sense she has someone to bounce off of. This then led the rest of Dahlia’s team to spiral down as Dahlia did make her team to compliment each other. Enjoying each other’s humor was one of them. Turns out Vera was right, stamping out fun and joy was the best thing a Middle Manager could do. 

But it was too late to do that now (she have to save that until after the tournament). Dahlia looked over her team. There was no working around it, Bulbasaur was going to win on pure paperwork output. It was time for a new plan. Well, A plan really. Remember, Dahlia picked her current team layout at random. As such, Dahlia finally looked at the rest of her team and saw someone she wasn’t even sure if she should bring in or not. But right here, right now. She didn’t see many other options. She called Jina Dhadho back and brought out a character she had never seen before. Prince Simimar Joran the 3rd and Future Ruler of the Kingdom of Elves(His hobbies are weapon repair, gardening, and truly testing the limits of “Non-Stick” kitchen equipment). 

Dahlia could hardly explain it. One day while playing Pokemans she sent an unpaid intern to fetch the office coffee and that intern returned with the highborne elf Simimar Joran. Pokemans has always prided itself on depicting realistic human environments, so to see something so fantastic was just bizarre. What made it even more so was that seemingly no one else on the internet had seen it before. The best the blue demon could tell from her experience with anime, this seemed to be a reverse isekai of some sort. Whether this was a glitch, a soft beta test, or an actual instance of isekai, Dahlia did not know (it was the last one. Simimar may never see his family again). Regardless he was a cute little twink so she put him on her team. 

Of course, no one else in the stadium knew this fact because all of that was just narration. Instead they all just looked confused. On the intercom the Goddess asked, “Is that like? A cosplayer human?” Bizarre. 

The room then turned from confusion to shock when Dahlia decided to not have the prince begin crutching some number, but instead have him cast Firestorm on the opposing team. No one survived and since a full party kill in a victory condition, Dahlia walked away with the win for the second round. “Well, everyone” The Goddess continued again having recovered from the previous flumble, “It appears that Dahlia has tied up this match with a brand new managerial style. Truly, this has been a battle unlike any this game has ever seen. Will Bulbasaur even be able to fight against it? After all, we did just see fire magic in a game about documentation” Dang, that would have made Paper’s Please a very different and much more proactive game.

Still Bulbasaur didn’t seem perturbed about bringing a day planner to a magic magic fight, and so the third and final match began. The room was silent once more as they sent out their first employees. 

Dahlia, not wanting to wait in causing carnage, sent out Simimar once more. Bulbasaur sent out someone new to both the fight and to the audience at large, Experiment X-0238.  Dahlia had never heard of such a name before, but then again she never really paid attention to the naming conventions of humans, so as far as she knew this was just a common name. They looked just like a normal dude.

Dahlia sent a firestorm down at X-0238, but once the storm cleared, he seemed no worse for wear save for the chars of his clothes. However, this act didn’t reveal any private bits. Instead it was completely smoothed all around. Everyone was a little disappointed, so much so that it took a bit longer than it should have for them to realize the whole fire immunity. X-0238’s body began to change and grow. What looked like skin was revealed to be an outer shell as metal and weapons expanded outwards. It seems Bulbasaur brought an android to a magic fight. 

Dahlia glared up at her opponent as they explained exactly how they succeeded in such a feat, “Bulba, Bulbasaur bulbasuar bulbasaur, Bul bul bul saur sau bulba. Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur bulba bulba bulba. Saur Saur Bulbasaur. Bul Bulba Bulbasaur!” Dahlia still didn’t understand the words, but she still understood the underlining message of ‘fuck you!’ perfectly well. 

What happened was an...oddly slow battle for competitive Pokemans, especially with superpowers on display. Powerful Android versus Magical Elf Prince was an unheard of match up (except for that time Calculester accidentally downloaded that v5.2 update which made him incredibly violent towards monsters with pointed ears. It was not a good day for elf kind). As such neither really knew what to do in order to press an advantage. Fire clearly didn’t work against the Android, melee attack were proving ineffective against the prince. They did have some offense against each other. Simimar’s lighting magic was proving super effective and missiles were proving very effective against elf types. Still the match seemed fairly evenly matched. It was clear to both of them that this match was decided the rest of the round. No one else in the team could really keep up in this match. 

And then Dahlia threw in a curve ball. She switched out the elf prince for office clown Jina Dhadho. 

“But why would she do that?” Oz said, having seemed to fully embrace the role of no critical thought commentator for this match.

“Well, this sort of match is unprecedented. Maybe Jina has some sort of missile defense?” Vicky’s guess proved incorrect as Jina quickly died to a missle. When Simimar came back out however, he looked pissed. 

An often overlooked stat in this game is Nobel Rage where someone will get a massive strength boost if one of their friend’s dies in front of them. Combat strength is unfortunately rarely useful in alphabetizing mail, so it was seen as a fairly useless stat. But in this moment it is very useful. This was not Dahlia’s plan by the way. She, like Vicky, was also hoping that Jina could use her jokes to deflect missiles just like she could negative vibes. Jina would be on the chopping block for Dahlia’s team next year for failing her so. 

But for this year, there was X-0238 and Simimar at each other once again, and while it was clear that Simimar was hurt, the rage boost was giving them an edge over the android. It was clear to the grass starter that in terms of DPS, they were losing.

Bulbasaur gritted their teeth. They were so close to victory. They could taste it if their teeth weren’t gritted. They glanced out towards the crowd, taking in all the people about to witness their triumph or tragedy. As they look on, Bulbasaur actually recognized one of the shapes through the blinding lights (well, two really, but seeing Vicky wasn’t emotionally important right now). It was another turquoise quadruped, although this one was much larger. They were still a weird dinosaur frog thing like Bulbasaur. Unlike Bulbasaur however, the monster had a large flower on their back instead of a bulb. They also had a mustache and wore a hat to visually denote that they are a father (they’d be wearing a suit or something to further show that, but they can’t fit in one).

“Saur?” Bulbasaur asked to itself as it looked at the father they never expected to be here

5 years ago in the home Bulbasaur grew up in, said grass type was at the dinner table except no food was being served, only a lecture, “Venusaur. Saur. Venu venu saur saur saur Venu ven venu nusa. Venusaur Venusaur Venusaur. Saur Venusaur,” the voice was of his father, Venasaur. His voice was not yelling and almost sounded calm, but it was still authoritative. 

“Bulbasaur Saur” Bulbasaur said, although largely mumbling

“Saur Venusaur. Venusaur Venusaur Saur” Venusaur answered back with commanding calmness, “Venusaur, Venusaur Venusaur Saur Saur Saur? Saur Saur Saur Venu Venu Saur Venu Saur Venusaur.”

“Bul Saur! Bul Bulbasaur Bul suar! Bulba Saur saur saur Bulba. Bulbasaur”

“Venusaur saur saur saur saur venu venu saur venusaur Venusaur Saur Venu. Venusaur Venusaur Venusaur Venusaur Saur Venusaur Venusaur Venu Saur. Venusaur saur Venusaur. Saur Saur Saur Venu” A vine came out of Venusaur. It grabbed the gaming device quicker than Bulbasaur can and holds it in the air, “Venusaur, Saur. Venu Venu Venu Saur Saur Saur Saur Venusaur'' and Venusaur walked away. Clearly he thought this conversation was over. 

Later that night, up in his room, Bulbasaur paced around the room talking to himself, “Bulba Bul Bulbasur. Bul Saur Baulba saur saur. Bulbasaur Bulb Bul! Bulba bulbasaur saur saur! Bulbasaur bulbasaur bulbasaur Bul!” Bulbasaur looked at his door, across the hall was his parents’ room, “Saur, bulb saur bulba saur sur bulbasaur?” they said in barely a whisper. 

They then looked at their wall. It had a poster on it from the previous year's world championship. Bulbasaur looked at the smile on their face, a wide grin as someone achieved a dream, “Bul. Bulbasaur saur” A vine went out to their closet. It pulled out another game system. A friend who did grow out of Pocket Humans gave it to him as a gift. “Saur Bulba bul bulbasaur, saur bulbasaur. Bulbasaur bulbasaur saur Bulbasaur!” And thus Bulbasaur turned off the light and lowered the music. They had a lot of training to do.

No! Bulbasaur couldn’t lose here. Now when their dad was watching, “SAUR!” He yelled out as he clicked his next commander. After receiving one more shock nearly knocking him out, the robot began to transform. It was a feature that Bulbasaur knew about beforehand, but since melee weapons were not doing well, they didn’t bother using it. But it was a powerful attack. If it landed it could deliver the finishing blow. 

The transformation complete, X-0238 had turned into a truck. The audience saw all of this and began to cheer, loudest of all was Venasaur, although Dahlia’s friends were not far behind hoping she could survive this next hit. While much of this match between Middle Managers was full of silent amazement, we were now at the conclusion of the match. The stadium was alive as everyone looked at their CRTs in front of them. 

Dahlia looked at her options as the truck was heading her way. The next lighting spell was on cooldown. So was a dodge command. And with ineffective fire magic as another option, Dahlia had only one real choice. She ordered the prince to make spreadsheets. 

This order wouldn’t get followed through however as the truck hit before everything else. The hit was devastating, sending Simimar flying then vanishing into nothing. While Dahlia’s friends looked on disappointedly, the crowd was in an uproar. Bulbasaur looked over and still saw his dad, smiling at his child’s achievement.

“Wait, everyone! The elf dude isn’t out yet!” Damien said over the announcer (he woke up). And everyone looked to confirm and it was true. Simimar has one health remaining. And more startling, Dahlia’s paper finally status was increasing at an incredible rate. 

“Bulba?”

“Isekai” Dahlia answers, “You hit Simimar with a truck, and thus they were sent to another world. A world where they’re still doing paperwork!!!” No, it’s not their home dimension. Remember, Simimar is never seeing their family and friends again.     

And all of Dahlia's friends began to yell out in cheers. Bulbasaur was just dumbfounded. X-0238 was powerful, but it couldn’t match that. Bulbasaur had already accepted defeat before it was declared in Dahlia's favor.

After this there was a quick match for third place, but no one cared (although Brian lost in case you were curious).

In front of a jubilant crowd stood two, possibly three, metal winners. Dahlia had a gold metal around her neck while Bulbasaur had silver resting on their head. The bronze medal was currently on the ground although people didn’t know if that was because The Invisible Man was morally opposed to gaining some reward out of a change of their skills or if he was just not real.

While receiving praise, Dahlia looked down and saw her rival kept stealing glances towards one specific part of the crowd. Another monster was there that looked like a much larger version of Bulbasaur. Dahlia was smart enough to read between the lines on that one, “Oh I see how it is. You’ve just claimed victory and now you’re looking for the next challenge. Well, I support you. Beating someone bigger than you is the logical next step to take!” the grass/poison type began to shake their head, “Shaking your head in excitement I see! Well, don’t feel like you have to stay here” And so Dahlia picked up the pokemon and chucked it at their father square in between the eyes. Dahlia took a few more questions from journalists before getting bored of them. They hadn’t left. She was just ignoring them as Dahlia went to Vicky, Brian, Damien, Polly, Scott, Oz, and Liam. 

“So did you see me?! Did you see me!? Was I cool? Do you think Counselor Weaving will be proud of me now?”

“It was very cool, Dahlia. And Weaving has always been proud of you, especially after you got your PhD” Vicky’s words reassured Dahlia of her life choices. 

“Y-yeah. I just wish Zoe was able to see it all” Oz lamented a little. 

“Oh, don’t worry, I did.” The group turned to see Zoe and Amira walking over to them. Zoe looked no worse for wear with only her tentacle wrapped up in sling to brace it. Amira was much worse, using crutches to walk around and carried a bag of water around (it use to be ice for the swelling, but fire djinn), “Your mom recorded the whole thing and then we just went into her and your dad’s dimension to watch it all while only seconds passed in this reality”

“Dude, you mom is cool, but she recorded it on VHS. Like, why was that the easiest option for her?” Oz then explained why, “Oh, well I guess that makes perfect sense then” 

“So what now people?” Vicky said bringing everyone together, “The tournament is over, but I think we can still get some more fun in before the sun rises tomorrow” Nods in agreement were had, “Well then, It’s important to step down when someone else would be better served to lead. Polly?” Vicky gestured to her girlfriend

“WOO! It’s Polly Time Party everybody! The night is young, yet the lights are coming up. We got a DJ on their way and beer is already in the building. I say we all kick back, relax, and then go buck WILD!!!” It seemed like a reasonable plan to all present. And thus they all left with Polly in preparation to get royally fucked up. Truly a fitting end to the exploration of a made up video game.

A few minutes later, Liam came back into the event hall. They lost their phone’s battery pack and so doubled back. He was only allowed to leave after promising to not sneak away back to his apartment. 

Shuffling around the folding chairs no one put up, he made his way back to where his group was sitting. As he approached he ended up seeing the battery on the ground. As he approached and reached down, he was met with another hand first. With the colored nail polish, Liam instantly knew who they belonged to. And given the nails sudden change to black, they knew who Liam was too. 

Both Milo and Liam instantly straightened up, and glared at each other, “Milo, I didn’t see you there. What are you doing with my battery” Milo schoft. 

“Your battery? Oh please Liam. I understand why you’d think that since it is purple, but not everything purple belongs to you.” 

“It’s not just that its purple. I left my charger here and I need to keep my phone alive so the world can hear my opinions on things!”

“Liam, this charger is clearly mine. And I say this with love darling, but you are an idiot if you think your opinions are more valid than mine. I’m afraid you just don’t have the experience I do to write meaningful and witty tweets like I do”

“‘Don’t have the experience’?! I am over 400 years old. I was around when the first text message was sent. MY perspective on the world is vast and well informed!” the purple vampire  countered

“Liam, you’re practically a baby next to me. Sure, 400 years may be impressive to some, but I’ve been around for about as long as the first thing that died” Milo said with a confident grace. Liam simply looked down at his phone and said,

“Okay Boomer” And then Milo lost their shit.

“HOW DARE YOU!” Milo said as they summoned their scythe, a blade sharpened on light, and strong enough to reape souls into their next step in their journey, “I AM A BEING BEYOND TIME! I AM HARDLY A BOOMER! YOU WILL REGRET THOSE WORDS LIAM DE LIONCOURT!” Liam simply looked smug as his glasses began to get a glare on them, dark magic beginning to radiate from his hands.

“Milo, I was a servant of darkness and then a fourth member of the Coven. You’re just the personification of death. You’ll hardly be a challenge” And thus these two powerful forces charge into each other to do battle, a battle for pride and this external battery so one of them can charge their phone. 

Next Time: We do not learn the results of the battle. Instead something else will happen and Aaravi and Hex will be there. 

Chapter Text

The party at the Monster Con was going strong and getting bigger. This was a larger party thanks to Polly. She may not have started the party, but she was damn sure she was going to finish it on her terms. And while she didn’t intend for that conclusion to involve almost half of the attendees dead, that’s how it would probably go. Really, this was probably for the best. Since most monsters are horny on main and breed like rabbits, the only thing that really keeps the monster population in check is the total lack of disregard for the wellbeing of their fellow monsters. So really Polly was basically doing a service for her community by sharing her special blend of lemon-lime soda, orange liqueur, brandy, and transmission fluid. 

And speaking of dead monsters, Brian was currently stepping away from the group. The group overall was currently playing beer pong, but instead of a ping pong ball it was knives. And instead of cups, it was Damien in a pit that Scott dug after finding a bone at the party (don’t worry if you think this is a disrespect to the spirit of the sport. They are all still drinking heavily). And Brian was all about chill and just enjoying life without much worry, but he didn’t really want the intensity of throwing knives at his demon boyfriend( even when it was his demon boyfriend who suggested the activity). And lucky for him, Brian ended up seeing two people he knew were chill.

“Wanda, Stu. Good to see you two not near a body of water. Mind if I sit?” a gargoyle and slime person turned towards the sound of their name.

“Brian. Good to see you man” Stu said red eyes despite being made completely of stone. 

“Wait, Stu” Wanda cautioned, “How do we know this is really Brian? Maybe this is like one of those Brian illusions?”

“No, I’m real. Also pot is not a hallucinogen” 

“Oh cool. Hey Brian. Good to see you man. Want to join the squad” Wanda said reassured.

“Yeah man. Come join the floor crew” Stu gestured to a clear spot on the ground. Brian obliged. Stu then began to take out a joint and handed it to Brian. Instead of taking it however Brian held up his hand and shook his head. 

“Thanks, but I’m good” The two lifeguards (yep, despite everything they still have those jobs, the same jobs no less) stared at Brian with shock. Then the two looked at each other, a sober face shared between them. 

“So it finally happened then?” Wanda asked, “that boyfriend of yours finally domesticated you, didn’t he?”

“No, it’s just...pot just doesn’t really do much for me any more” Brain said, but neither of his friends really knew what that meant, “I can go through 10 joints now and nothing will happen. 

“Oh dude. That's such a bummer man. That must be a fate worse than death” Brian nodded with experience

“Yeah man. No one deserves to have their body get used to weed,” Wanda and Brian nod and Stu’s wisdom. The three then sat in a calm silence for about 30 minutes before someone, Stu, finally said something, “Do you want any help getting high man?” Apparently it took Stu thirty minutes to form that thought. Brian asked how, “It's simple man. We just need to get you a strain so powerful, that you’ll join us up here before the first puff”

“No way Stu. You don’t mean?”

“I do Wanda” The gargoyle said, more serious than Brian had ever seen them .Which still wasn’t that serious in the grand scheme of the world. Just in the context of Stu as a person. The stone(d) man turned to Brian, “Brian, if you are serious about joining us, then you need to find and smoke...The Uber Weed” Brian had never heard of such a thing and asked what it was. Wanda answered. 

“The Uber Weed is like the best thing to put in a bong. Neither of us have tried it ourselves. We only know of it thanks to a vision we’ve both had from that time we smoked Peyote. It’s a list of ingredients, and once combined, we don’t even know what will happen. But this power should not be taken lightly. Is this something you are willing to do bro?” Brian, not really having much else to do tonight nodded, “Then Stu, give him the holiest of shopping lists!”

And Stu did just that. Reaching into his back pocket he pulled out a crumpled piece of paper that’s been there for who knows how long. Brian does not sniff it. Why would that even be a thought in his head? Unfolding it, it appeared to be a list of 3 items: 37 Mysterious Eggs from a Horrific Creature, The Essence of Green, and the Power Stone. Brian looked and studied the list. Once they were done Wanda spoke once more, “Once you receive all the pieces, return to us so we can try it too”

“Will do. Later guys” And with that the zombie walked off to begin his grand quest. A few meters away however, he realized this was a quest, so there was someone better than himself to take the lead on this. He took out his phone and called a friend, “...Hey Aaravi. I was just given a quest, and I know you like quests, so I thought you may want to hang out and-...hello?...Aaravi?” Did she hang up on him?

In mere moments however Aaravi, the Slayer, had arrived with her curse Hex over her shoulder, “Okay. I’m here. I heard you needed help with a quest or something” Aaravi said

“...you got here suspiciously fast” Brian asked, one eyebrow raised. 

“Oh, well. You know…You said quest so I came running. You know me. All about quests…” she said all of that with a blush on her face and avoiding direct eye contact. It was amazing how easily this woman could get flustered. She needed to put some points into deception during her next level up.

“Nope,” said Hex weighing in on the situation, “Aaravi’s been in the air vents for like an hour. She wanted to join in, but was too nervous to interact with her friends uninvited”

“Shut UP Hex!” She then tried to choke out the curse, an act that at this point she must have known was futile. Although it was probably meant to be more therapeutic than practical in this case. Seeing Norah really has done wonders for Aaravi’s anger management. After she had a moment to calm down, Aaravi regained her composure. Brian politely did not comment on the information he just learned, “So what was this about again? A quest right? What kind is it?”

“A fetch quest” Brain said monotoned. Aaravi’s groan was not monotone

“Dammit! I hate fetch quests! But fine. I guess I’ll still help. Let me see the needed items list” Aaravi asked and Brian provided. The slayer read through them, “Yeah okay. Only three main items and we only need 37 of a meaningless collectable. Not the worst grind I’ve ever had. Okay I’m in”

“Well hold on there. I normally support your reckless abandon for any quest when it doesn’t affect me, but shouldn’t we at least see what the quest is about first. Brian?”

“We’re looking for the pieces to make the Uber Weed” Brain responded. 

“Okay, I have no idea what that means, but I’m in. Let’s go!”

“God, finally!” Aaravi bemoaned and the three made their way to the next.

[Aaravi and Hex joined the party]

“I’m just saying, if we’re making the uber weed, you’d think we'd need the mind stone, not the power stone”

“I don’t know Hex. We are working with dark/dank powers that we cannot hope to comprehend. Maybe on a grand comic level, it makes perfect sense” Brian said, giving the best answers that he could since neither Oz or Zoe had turned Brian’s text message about that very subject matter.

“Shut up! Both of you! He’s coming!” Aavari quietly yelled as a portal in time and space began to open up.

The party had decided to go after the power gem first. Well, Aaravi decided to be more accurate. Sure, it probably would have been easier with the equipment and experience they would have gained from the other quest objectives first, but Aaravi had really gotten into sequence breaking recently so she wanted to see if they were able to do the hardest boss first. 

Said boss was the current holder on the infinity gauntlet, an IT guy named Alok. He received it while trying to order an infinity gauntlet lego set, but there was a shipping error at the sweat shop masquerading as an online retail store. As such he received the actual gauntlet along with stones. He now uses these abilities to make his commute to work in seconds, collect lego sets he doesn’t already have, and destroy any restaurant chain that displeases him (Brian misses going to Ruby Tuesdays, but now he finally knows who's to blame for their sudden destruction). 

Having looked up Alok’s character stats and background, the party decided to set up an ambush. Up on a roof, the three placed a new themed lego set out in the open, hoping it would be enough to lure this god amongst IT. And as space began to bend and a man stepped out, it had clearly worked, “Oh sweet. An abandoned lego set!” Alok approached and picked up the box, “A Ruby Tuesday lego set? Well, now I’m conflicted…” This internal conflict was just what Aaravi was waiting for. Without waiting for the rest of her party, she pulled out her Leroy Jenkins dagger and charged in. 

“Die shum!” The dagger sunk into the IT guys back. Unfortunately this didn’t result in the critical hit she was hoping for. Alok was able to use his powers to create a massive force that would push them back. 

“Dude. Not cool” And boss music began. Alok then began to cast fireballs all around the roof in an attempt to get his stabbest. Those without godlike powers were hiding behind an AC Unit. 

Brain patted Aaravi on her shoulder, “Hey, it’s okay. You tried you best”

“Thanks, but we need something else now. I didn’t want this to be a long fight,” Aaravi poked her head out a little to see her foe. She then quickly ducked back down to avoid the lightning coming at her face, “Dammit, I wish I had magic powers right now”

“You got me” Hex said

“You’re a curse, Hex. You don’t count. Also we’re both about to die and you’re just eating bagels!” It’s true, they were. 

“My magic works in mysterious ways.” 

“If you want some new magic powers” Brian said to Aaravi, “You should ask Zoe next time you see them. They acts as a dark patreon for a few warlocks as a side hustle.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Now cover me.” Aaravi charged out of her cover, going wide to try and get around the dude. Brian stood up from his cover and opened fire on Alok with an assault rifle (when facing against the infinity gauntlet, it’s best to be prepared). The cover worked as intended as Alok put up a barrier to protect him from bullets; he completely ignored Aaravi’s dash around. Thank god that this infinity gauntlet is working off of MCU rules and not comic rules. As soon as the magazine ran out, Alok began his own fire once more.

“So, what’s the plan this time? Charge in while screaming again?” Aaravi considered it, but she had left her knife over with Brian. Sure, she had countless other weapons, but it was hard to say what would work in this context. Aaravi then saw the box of legos, unopened on the ground. 

“No, I have a better idea. So be quite Hex” And thus the half monster snuck over to Alok. Thankfully she didn’t have to be that silent as her attempted theft was covered by the sounds of explosions and gunfire. She grabbed the legos and walked over to the edge of the building. 

“Hey guy I never learned the name of!” Alok looked over at the small woman who just yelled, “One wrong move and I drop the lego set!” Alok was frozen from internal conflict once more. On one hand he really wanted a new lego set to build. On the other hand, he really wanted to set a Mini Ruby Tuesday drop. He just didn’t know what to make of this moment. And in that confusion Brian made his move. 

The Leroy Jenkins Dagger is an interesting weapon. It has impressive power and an even more impressive critical hit chance. The only problem is the conduction for those abilities. Your equipped fighter must be in a party, but also must run forward at the enemy to attack alone. While Aaravi earlier was attacking alone, Hex still went, unintentionally, into the fight as well. But when Brian went in for the stab, there was no one with him. As such it had the desired effect. Critical Hit. 

Alok fell to the ground, blood beginning to come out, “Et Tu...uh?” Not knowing the name of his murderer, Alok used the last little bit of his strength to activate the mind stone to pear into the zombie’s head, “...Brian” The zombie did not hear is name. Instead Brian was currently using the murder weapon and a screwdriver he found on the ground to pry the power stone out of the gauntlet. When it was finally removed the stone suddenly burst with radiation, sending everyone to the ground.

“Dang” Brian said as he stood back up, “If this stone was enough to knock us off our feet, I can wait until we put this in a bong”

“So what should we do with the other stones?” Aaravi asked. Normally she would just take them but after scheming over their stats, their only effect seemed to be during cutscenes with minimal increases during normal gameplay. 

“Just leave them. Let someone else have the table scraps” the two people with legs agreed with Hex, and so they left. The stones would later be found and eaten by some raccoons that thought they were berries. These superpowered raccoons, The Raccoon Tycoons, would end up being the next big bad for the Coven. 

And with Alok now dead on the ground, this makes another character based off a person in my friend group who I killed in this fic. Love you guys!

[Power Stone Acquired]

“Are you sure you want to do this Brian? I know you said you were cool with it, but this doesn’t seem safe. And I’d hate to lose one of my few chill buds'' Hex asked, seemingly the only worried person in the laboratory. 

“It’s fine Hex,” Brain said while strapped to a table with a giant laser pointed at him, ready to fire, “After all. We need the essence of green, and I’m green. And she’s the best scientist we know”

“Less talking! More Science!” Yelled out Polly who had stolen a lab coat and goggles from her chemistry lab at Uni. She fired the button and a blue laser fired at Brain causing his body to violently convulse. One of the straps came undone. Still after about 5 minutes, nothing else came of it. And so, disappointed, Polly turned off the laser, “Well that was lame”

“Did...did we get the essence of green?” Brain said weakly from the table. 

“No. That was a waste of our time. Just like the last thing we tried” Said last thing was trying to extract the essence from the green crayon. But not like Lime Green or Forest Green. Just pure green. They really thought they had it with that one.  

“Maybe the real essence of green was inside of us all along?” Brian said still recovering from 5 minutes of electrocution. 

“It's not Brian. We literally just tried to extract it from you and nothing happened” Aaravi said, annoyed. 

“Do we even know what ‘the essence of green’ is?” Hex asked, “Cause I just googled it and turned the essence of green can mean a few different things” Everyone huddled around Hex’s phone to see the truth. There may have in fact been hundreds of things with that name, but they weren’t about to go to page two of the google search to find out. 

“Maybe we need an outsider’s perspective,” Brain wondered, “Polly, what do you think?”

“Sometimes you gotta throw spaghetti at a wall to see what sticks in order to find the ravioli that you mixed into it by accident”...what a magical place it would be to be in that woman’s head. 

“...I think Polly might be onto something here. We’re trying to get a concept, so we need to go big on this one,” Brain didn’t often take on the leadership role, but when weed demands it, he shall answer the call, “Okay. Let’s take this up a notch. Aaravi, call Isis. Polly, call Noodles. I got some online shopping to do”

And so they had a new set up. They gathered Isis and Noodles for this experiment, this time they all sat in a green room located in a greenhouse. Isis was currently reading The Essence of Green by Rae McDaniel (this took the longest to set up since this was actually the 3rd book in the series and Isis insisted on reading the others first before beginning). Noodles was currently on the phone with someone from Essence of Green Landscaping trying to get some rates for a golf course that he apparently owns. Brain was still there of course, currently chewing on the same crayon they tried to extract from earlier. Currently playing in the green room is the song Essence Of Green by Ron Di Salvio and Jimmy Cobb. And once they were all in place, Polly fired her laser. 

When Brian finally awoke from his second dose of electrocution today, the zombie saw that only he, Aaravi, and Hex were left in the room, “Where did everyone go?”

“Oh, yeah. We sent them on their way after we found...this!” And Aaravi pulled out from her bag a concept, held together by a powerful energy field, “give you the essence of green!” And Brian stared at it in amazement. Truly the twitch Brian had developed from this experiment was worth it.

“...Why is the Essence of Green orange and...smell like pepto-bismol?” Brain asked

[Essence of Green Acquired]

The party of three had now reached everyone’s favorite part of a quest, looking at the non-specific piece of directions to try and uncover meaning. Currently they were trying to figure out exactly what a “horrific creature” was in this context. They were currently whittling down their list.

“Okay. So we are down to two choices at this point, the duck or the swan” Aaravi said. 

“I still think we crossed off the cockatrice and basilisk too easily” said Hex, “They literally turn people to stone. What better than them to make the ultimate way to get stoned?” 

“Yeah Hex. We heard you the first time. But that’s why we had that sub committee look into this. And nothing came of it. So just drop it already” Aaravi bickered back.

“And what about the goose? The list says a horrific creature and we all saw Untitled Goose Movie in grade school” In this universe Untitled Goose Game was actually a documentary. During the great Emu War, the Australian government decided the best way to fight a bird was with a bird. The goose they brought in was effective and quickly ended the war. The goose sadly brought to war home with them as they returned to New Zealand. They caused havoc and mayhem throughout the countryside. And then one day it just vanished from the world. No one had seen him since. The documentary is still watched to this day as a warning in case that bird ever returns.

“Commander HONK was an outlier. Have you seen a goose’s stats? They have a nice intimidation skill, but that’s basically it. A swan is basically a buff goose. Of the two, swans are the clear winners.” No one had any complaints about  the duck’s inclusion. I mean, have you seen its penis? Don’t, it’s horrifying, “So then, how are we going to determine which egg?”

“What about cockfighting, but with different birds? I could ask Damien if he’s done with the pit” Brian suggested. 

“No, they could fly out of a pit. What if we get one of each bird so we can cook and eat them?” Hex suggested

“What would that prove? We need to test the eggs not the meat” Aaravi countered. 

“It wouldn’t prove anything. Bird is good, and I’m hunger” Hex said as they were munching on a bag of Nachitos. 

More deliberation went on between these two eggs and some previously discarded eggs. They even formed another sub committee in an attempt to get more information. They came back with nothing except the same solution that Brian, Aaravi, and Hex had come down to themselves. They would just have to experiment to see what would happen. 

“Let’s start with the Swan egg” Aaravi decided. 

And so they did. Not knowing a better way to create this holiest of stains, Brian put the power stone, essence of green, and 37 eggs (whole) into a blender and pressed puree. The quest items began to mix together, being brought together in the ultimate form of unity. The blender began to glow, first low but then into a blinding hot white light. Began to shake violently, shaking the very table that it rested on. Everyone took a few steps back. Then it all stopped. 

Brian was the first to venture forwards. As he approached and reached for the cap, it suddenly flung upwards as a large technical emerged. Before he could react, Brain was grappled by the Monster from the Blender and hoisted up into the air. Thinking fast, Aaravi pulled out a crossbow and fired at the tentacle. The pain of it was enough to allow Brian to wiggle out, falling to the ground. In response more tentacles began to come out of the blender. 

“I think we may have made a mistake,” Brain said as the creature let out an unearthly roar, teeth now beginning to form of the tendrils. 

“That’s okay,” Said Aaravi, “I saved right before we did it”

“Wait what?”

More deliberation went on between these two eggs and some previously discarded eggs. They even formed another sub committee in an attempt to get more information. They came back with nothing except the same solution that Brian, Aaravi, and Hex had come down to themselves. They would just have to experiment to see what would happen. 

“Let’s start with the duck egg,” Aaravi decided. 

And so they did. Not knowing a better way to create this holiest of stains, Brian put the power stone, essence of green, and 37 eggs (whole) into a blender and pressed puree. The quest items began to mix together, being brought together in the ultimate form of unity. The blender began to glow, first low but then into a blinding hot white light. Began to shake violently, shaking the very table that it rested on. Everyone took a few steps back. Then it all stopped. 

Brian was the first to venture forwards. The light began to dim as something green seemed to remain in the blender bowel. Seeing this Aaravi also ventured forward. The three took off the lid and gazed upon what they accomplished. It was a bundle of leaves, curled up together and into a singular large lump. Brian took a small whiff of it and he felt his head go a little light. This was it; he was confident. 

Brain had made the Uber Weed. 

Brian put on some gloves in order to not taint the special blend. He then put it in a bag as Aaravi went online to update the walkthrough for this quest.

“So, we going to light it up now?” Hex asked.

“No, I made a promise” Technically he did. He just said he’d do something. So to smoke it now wouldn’t so much be breaking a promise as it was lying.

Wanda and Stu had not moved since Brian, Aaravi ,and Hex went on their 26 minute long adventure. “Brian, you have returned. Did you complete your quest?” Stu asked the party. As an answer simply presented the bag. Wanda and Stu simply stared for a minute, mesmerized by the faint glow it gave off. 
 
“Stu, it’s just like that vision we shared!”

“I know Wanda. I know” Stu looked up at the party, “Have you tried it yet?”

“No. You shoulder us the way. We wanted you to try it first.” Brain said, holding out the bag. 

“Correction. Brian wanted to let you try it first. I wanted to try it as soon as we finished it. But Brian is bigger than us, so we couldn’t really fight back” Hex corrected and was ignored. 

“Oh wow. Thanks man” Stu grabbed a piece and put it in the bottom of his bong. He put his mouth over the top and lit the bottom. Smoke instantly filled the shaft with a warm green glow. After a second more, Stu inhaled it all. He kept it in, letting it just sit inside of him for a moment. Then he exhaled, and no smoke came out. 

“Are you okay?” Brian asked, a little concerned. 

“I...I’m...wait what?” Stu said, their voice was confused, but oddly clear, “wait...what’s going on” The gargoyle began to look around. His posture began to improve. His speech was clear and steady. His eyes were not red at all.

“Come on Stu. Spill the beans. How did it taste?” Wanda asked. Stu just turned to look at the slim person. 

“Claire, are you okay? And who is Stu?” Stu? Asked

“Stu, you’re Stu” Wanda responded seemingly unphased by her companion’s growing concern.

“Claire, my name is Gregory” 

“Hey you okay man?” Brian asked the gargoyle, “You don’t seem to be thinking straight”

“In contrast Sir, I feel more clear headed right now than I have in years. Oh Claire, this is all my fault. I never should have let us try out that joint. Who knows how much time we lost. Now come on, we have midterms to study for” And Gregory picked up Claire and began to walk out to study for an upcoming class that he was already three years late for. 

The rest of the party just look on in confusion as the fact sunk in that Wanda and Stu were merely weed induced personalities that developed over the span of years of two students never really coming down from their high, “...Well, dang. I’m glad we didn’t try it first” Hex said, finding the silver lining

“I guess the uber weed made him so high, that it loops around to being sober again” Hey, kind of like that urban legend of the nuclear weapons and Ghandi in the first Civilization game (and yeah. That is just a legend. Sid Meyer himself talks about how it doesn’t have any truth in his memoir)

“Yeah, but I was hoping to find a way to get high. This was a bust” Brian said, a little defeated. Aaravi, seeing the sadness her friend had, worked up all her courage to do something she was not accustomed to being, comforting to a friend. 

“You know Brian. Norah has said before that there is nothing wrong with stuff like weed in moderation, but it is also important to remember that there can be a lot of fun to be had outside of it...And...I...had a lot of fun on this quest with you today” Aaravi was not meeting Brian’s eyes, but she had a smile on her face all the same. 

“...Thanks Aaravi” Brian said with a smile, “Still, I wish I could have done it a little. Would have been nice to do it as a group”

“Oh, yeah. I would have paid good money to see that. You know Green. As long as I’ve cursed Aaravi, I’ve never once seen her with a joint”

“...come to think of it, neither have I...Aaravi” 

“Oh, shut up, both of you. I don’t get high because I’m all about optimization. I don’t want something slowing me down”

“Come on. It’s not that bad. You just finished a quest, and you’re among friends. No need to let these joints that Stu left behind go to waste”

“Yeah. Come on Aaravi. Give into peer pressure!” With some caution, Aaravi lit the joint and tried it herself. With her small size, it didn’t take long before she needed to stop. But on a happier note, it turns out stoned Aaravi is incredibly huggy. So when Brian decided to rejoin the group, he did with the slayer wrapped around her stomach. She then shifted from person to person, only letting go to move to another person or use the bathroom. Like a sloth. 

NEXT TIME: We see the story of the Unsung heroes of the Monster Con

Chapter Text

The Monster Con is truly a gay time for all (gay in the traditional meaning of the word, but in the other as well). However, not everyone gets to have an enjoyable time at the con. For some people a higher calling prevented them from enjoying themselves. But it was one they were more than willing to take on. In a dark warehouse, an old orc stood. He was dressed in military attire with a number of medals on his jacket. He was a proud patriot who respected almost no one as much as he respected his country. Almost being the keyword as he currently stood in front of two individuals who had the general’s utmost respect. 

“Men, I know you both wanted to take the weekend for yourself, and if I thought anyone could do this job, I wouldn’t have bothered you. But as it currently stands, not just the country, but the whole world could be in danger. I will not lie. There is risk involved. You both might not make it out alive. But If you are able to make it through, you would have the whole country in your debt. What do you say? Can I trust you in this?”

“...OKAY!” Noodles said with a derpy smile on his face. Fridge said nothing since they were a refrigerator. 

“I’m glad to hear it. In that case, I’ll make this mission brief brief. You two may already be aware of this, but there's an event coming up soon called the Monster Con. I’ve personally never heard of it, but my son tells me it’s one of those anime things,” The son has said more than that, but the general had long since stopped paying attention whenever his son mentions anime or fortnite or the problems of late stage capitalism, “But this convention will be more than just a group of nerds coming together. This weekend that same location will also house one of the most dangerous meetings of the most despicable group of people imaginable. Within the shadows of the Monster Con will be...the Ninja Con,” The general paused for dramatic effect. Noodles and Fridge, being Noodles and Fridge, showed no change in emotional state, “Based off of the intelligence we have already gathered, it seems like the ninjas of the world are planning something big. 

“Now, we don’t know what that is, but we have an idea of who it might organizing it. A Troll by the name of Bertha. From what we’ve been able to tell, she’s been making silent waves in the ninja world for a while now, trying to unite the various clans together for her own ends. It seems like the Ninja Con is when this whole plan will finally take place. And to that end, I want you two to get into the Ninja Con, stop whatever they are planning, and if possible, capture Bertha. While we want her to stop, we also want to figure out how much she knows about the underground ninja culture so we can plan for the future. How you achieve your missions are up to yourself, but we simply ask you do so with subtlety. Any questions before we move you all out?” Noodles was currently staring at a bug and Fridge was a fridge. The general took the silence to mean that they both had no questions and wanted to get on the mission right now, “Glad to hear it. I’ve already arranged your normal entry point. Good luck man and them”

A few years ago, during one of there earlier missions, Fridge was placed concernedly close to the door of the helicopter their team was on. When the door opened, Fridge fell out. This was interpreted as some Captain America cool things, so everyone assumed this was just how they liked to do it. This is what lead to the current situation of Fridge and Noodles currently barreling towards the ground, much like a sperm whale, unaware of the current fate and situation (although if Fridge was capable of thought, they would probably think something along the lines of “Oh no, not again”). Fortunately, no damage was done to Fridge thanks to a lovely non-binary chap named Sarah who through good luck (or incredibly bad luck from Sarah’s perspective, but this story isn’t about them) was there to unwillingly break Fridge and Noodles fall onto the roof. 

Back up at the Helicopter, the pilot looked out her window and spoke into a radio, “Sir. The specialists have both landed.”

“Excellent,” came a voice accompanied by a lot of static and distortion, “Any problems?”

“No Sir But…” She hesitated to even mention it, but she had already started, “I’m looking at them now, and they don’t seem to be moving. Is there anything else I need to do?”

“No agent. Those two are the best of the best. Let them do their work. They’ll come through” The pilot looked out her window once more. The two hadn’t moved from their spot, although one thing had changed. The green jellyfish’s face had become ridged, and their eyes burned with an intensity that she had seen in only the most steadfast of warriors. Any doubt she may have still had burned away as Noodles looked up at her. They made eye contact and her heart skipped a beat. The specialist gave a stoic nod, no words said. No words needed to be said. The pilot nodded as well. 

She spoke back into the radio, “Roger that. Returning to base now General”

And as the helicopter flew away, the refrigerator and jellyfish sat there. 

And they sat there.

And they sat there. 

And then they continued to sit there for about a week, unmoving. Thankfully, something that separates Noodles from other jellyfish (you know, aside from the face, sentient thought, ability to speak, and sex drive) is that he can actually survive weeks without food. Fridge did have food on them in the form of leftover coleslaw. It was beginning to mold. 

The two sat there long enough that the first day of the monster con finally came (Well, first real day. Friday didn’t really count). Due to the angle that Fridge fell on, one of the corners of the kitchen appliance pierced the roof. It caused a crack which had slowly gotten bigger and bigger. The roof began to slowly give out. As the two fell though and began to free fall once more Noodles did let out a exuberant “WHEE!” in celebration of downwards momentum. Fridge landed with a heavy THUD!

“What was that?” Asked a nearby voice. Be it out of a desire to be stealthy or not enough brain power to react to fall damage, neither agent moved or made a sound. 

“It was probably just the wind” Said another voice, clearly belonging to someone who doesn’t understand the concept of wind, “But regardless. Like I was saying my fellow ninja, I can’t believe you weren’t here yesterday. You missed an amazing panel on chakra control. The demonstrator even found this werewolf who had never done ninjutsu before to show that anyone could learn with their methods” Scott was confused the whole time

“I’m sorry I missed it. But it’s like I told you. I had to take up some extra shifts at work”

“Well, it’s fine. You’re here now, and you’ll be here tomorrow for the big event. If everything goes as advertised, you won’t have to take on any extra shifts. Ever Again! BwhahahHAHAHAHAHA!!”

“Well that’s good. I hated working early morning shifts” And thus the two impractically parkours away with the conversation done. With information that they were on the right track, the two continued to sit there. They may have even stayed there if not for the arrival of a new guest. It was the Tapir with Human Hands that defeated Oz in combat back in like chapter 2. 

The Tapir with Human Hands (they don’t have a name) was currently trying to run from their present fate. Almost as if by the whim of an unknowable god, this creature had been inflicted with an unusual curse. They are forced to move any kitchen tool, gadget, or appliance to another random spot. Hiding in the attic of the monster con seemed as good a place as any to avoid the effects of this curse. Sadly, this would not come to pass as the tapir with human hands saw Fridge. Compelled by forces that made free will look like playdough, the tapir resigned itself to their fate. Knowing they could never truly escape the power of the knife that now overcomes their own will. 

And so, with great strength, the tapiroidea picked up Fridge and moved them elsewhere. Noodles fell off Fridge during the process, leaving the dynamic duo separated. And as Noodles looked at their companion being slowly walked away from attic, all Noodles could think about was that one time he gave dentures to a fish.

Paco the ninja was currently hiding in the corner of the shopping area of the Monster Con. They came here originally to test their skills and maybe pick up a thing or two as they wait for their mission to start tonight. It however quickly became clear that the people stealing in the room were way out of Paco’s lead. As such, they were currently backtracking to leave before they get into some sort of weird and poorly thought out Cody Banks adventure. The quiet backing up was interrupted by a sudden slam from right behind them. Since Paco did in fact know what wind sounded like, he turned around only to see a refrigerator. 

It seems the Tapir with Human Hands set Fridge down at a bad angle, so they fell over onto a ninja. 

The ninja wiggled and squirmed, trying to get free, but it was to no avail. They were pinned, “Let me go!” The ninja said, unable to lift the fridge with their weak noodly arms. After about a minute of struggling, they failed to remove themselves, “W-what do you want from me?” Fridge said nothing on account of being a refrigerator, “Is...is this about the fact that I was about to steal from those venters?” Fridge began to shake. Seems that it’s cooling unit just turned on. Paco interpreted this as anger, “This is about the Ninja Con isn’t it?” The shaking stopped. The refrigerator has returned to the proper temperature! “Well, I’m not telling you anything. I don’t betray my own,” Silence hung in the air. The pressure was thick, “What….what are you going to do to me if I don’t?” Paco hears another smaller rumble followed by the sound of ice hitting each other. It seems that Fridge’s ice machine just made some ice, “O-okay. I’ll...I’ll tell you what you want to know. Just please, let me free afterwards!” Fridge said nothing. 

“Okay, so. Our main boss Bertha. She’s been collecting all of the Ninja Steel she could find. With it she plans to find the best 5 ninjas at this con to make them her personal enforces. With her enforcers and the rest of the ninjas being trained this weekend, she’ll be taking over the world starting Monday. No one will know what hit them. Now please. I told you everything I know. So let me go!” Fridge was unmoving and made no sound. It became incredibly clear to Paco that this was in fact where they were going to die. 

Although, it turns out fate had other plans for Paco, “Fridge? Is that you? Why are you on the ground?” Zoe came upon the scene, paying no mind to the ninja. The eldritch cutiepie had just picked up a commission they requested when they saw Fridge. She picked up Fridge and set them upright, freeing the ninja. It was only after Paco stood up, threw a smoke bomb on the ground and ran away the Zoe finally noticed them, “...that was weird” Zoe said as the smoke cleared, “Hey Fridge, want to hear about the latest chapter in my fanfic?”

“Boss! We have a problem!” The troll Bertha looked up from her makeshift desk. She had the time, so she decided to polish her ninja steel, but it looked like this time was over as one of her underlings ran up to her.

“What is it Paco?”

“I was just attacked!” 

“Yes Paco. The Con is doubling as a battle royal. Other ninja’s will fight you here” She said, a tad annoyed

“It’s not that Boss. I wasn’t attacked by a ninja?” 

“...you were attacked by one of the monster con goers? I know you have zero upper body strength, but that’s just sad Paco”

“No, they started asking me questions about your plan boss” And she suddenly focused on Paco’s words, “I didn’t say anything of course, but they were asking and were putting a lot of pressure on me. I think someone is trying to stop you,” The troll thought about this fact. This could get messy if true...well, messier. 

“I haven’t heard from Sarah in a while. We may have been compromised by them. Paco, sure up our defensive measures. And spread the world of what this person looks like. We need them taken care of”

“If it helps boos, at least we know it was only one of them”

Back up in the attic, the wild card of the operation was still up there. Unlike the past few days however, Noodles had finally moved! The jellyfish found a chocolate bar left here by an employee of the hotel and was currently sucking on it. It was likely that they would be able to stay up there for another month since they found food. Destiny had other plans for this spineless warrior however, “Noodles, is that you?” Noodles looked up to see Vicky, flanked by Polly and Scott (the latter of which was currently enjoying a new chew toy). 

“HELLO!” Both Jellyfish and Frankinstine’s Monster shared an incredibly wide grin. 

“Well, what are you going up here little buddy?”

In response Noodles pulled out an incredibly sharp hunting knife, all while keeping his derpy face on, “WE ARE ALL BUT ANIMALS DOING WHAT WE MUST TO SURVIVE!” 

“HA, Mood!” Vicky said, “Hey, I’m going to meet up with Oz and Zoe. Want me to take you out of here?” 

“...OKAY!” Noodles said. He hasn’t put away the knife.

And thus Vicky stuffed Noodles into Oz’s backpack. While there the green monster/animal wasn’t super aware of the outside world. Vicky also just seemed to forget Noodles was in there at one point and the bag began to violently shake for some reason making Noodles get hit or poked by basically everything in there. Finally however, Noodles felt a hand grasp on his noggin. He was pulled out and was now face to face with Oz. It seems Vicky DID forgot Noodles was in there. Noodles may have been mad, but he also forgot he was in a backpack. So all is forgiven. 

“N-Noodles? W-what were you doing in my bag?”

“I BECAME PRESIDENT ELECT FOR ALL THE HONEY BADGERS” Noodles had a fierce election campaign in there. 

“O-Oh. Okay” And Oz just continued to hold Noodles there. Not knowing what else to do, the fearling set Noodles down. As soon as his tentacle hit the ground he began to slowly scuttle away like a crab. It became apparent to Noodles that he was in a bathroom now. Not having to go, he left. 

Having now completely forgotten about the Mission he was sent here to do, Noodles made his way over to a window, and layed down, looking over the city. He then prepared to sleep. Similar to the planets he shares a color with, Noodles gets most of their energy via photosynthesis so typically stops whenever the sun goes down.

Bertha was continuing to not have a very good time after she first heard the news that someone was here to stop her. She had already lost a lot of her people in the past few hours. Sure, a few of those deaths can probably be attributed to the first Monster Con War (which was a headache in and of itself. And she really didn’t want to think about the fact that people were ALREADY calling it the first), but these felt too targeted at her own group. Someone was trying to cripple her plans so it could never happen. And worst of all, she hadn’t been able to get a good look at the enemy yet. 

Oh sure, a few of her ninjas were able to escape with their lives like Paco (well, the first time anyway. Paco is dead now), but they couldn’t get anything much on this hulking figure except rough sketches. No one even knows their name. As such, her own group came up with a name for their terror.

The Refrigereaper.

Bertha shuttered. Simply thinking the name was enough to cause concern. In just a single day and night, the monster had struck fear into the heart of every ninja here. It was taking a lot of control to keep everyone here, but the troll was beginning to wonder if it was really worth it. 

“Boss, the police are here” Another ninja underling named Cali said. As night turned to day, this weekend was just getting worse.

“And why are the police here?”

“It looks like our Ninja Master of Disguise instructor, Ninja Flodge, killed a drug dealer.” Bertha sighed incredibly loudly. Picking up on the boss’ subtle queue, Cali continued, “For what it’s worth, it looks like Ninja Flodge used a clever disguise to hide his involvement”

“I see...And you think this disguise will work?”

“Boss. This is Ninja Flodge. You would need to be some sort of, I don’t know, Ace Attorney to uncover his deception”

About two chapters later, Bertha was handed to results of that case, “OH MOTHER FUCKER!”

Ninjas Mica and Amanda were running for their lives. Ninja Flodge’s Master of Disguise panel was cancelled, although there was a rumor running around that Flodge was so good at disguises that no one could actually find the panel (people who thought that had not listened to the news today). With this extra time ninjas Mica and Amanda had decided to wonder, only to come across a duel that had just started. Deciding to watch, their interest suddenly turned to terror as a humanoid beaver was summon into existence. Nothing in their ninja training prepared them for such a challenge. 

The two just kept running on and on. They only stopped once Amanda (who was on track back in high school and thus slightly faster) ran into something hard. Mica bent down to check on their friend. Amanda seemed okay, but as the ninjas looked up both realized that neither were going to be fine.  

“The Refrigereaper” Mica said with fear emanating from them.

Mica in contrast was looking around everywhere. Trying to find some way out of this situation. Then on the window, they found it. In a lightning fast movement, the ninja pulled out a knife and grabbed a jellyfish sunbathing. Amanda quickly picked up on the situation. Standing up they walked forward with confidence, “Stand aside Refrigereaper. You may be out to defeat us, but we have a hostage now. So I would recommend you back up and no one has to get-” THUDD

Amanda slowly turned around towards the sound of the noise. Her partner was laying face first on the ground, currently feeling the effects of the Cnidaria’s namesake. The green jellyfish looked up at the remaining ninja, “Not even peeing on a wound will save you now” Noodles said as their voice actor switched to a much deeper register. 

Amanda, no longer caring about Mica’s well being, made a run for it. She barely made it a few feet. The dynamic duo had been reunited.

After that event, no ninja had seen either Fridge or Noodles for hours. The two had actually been found by Violet and Tate at which point all of them went on a double date outside of the con (why were Violet and Tate at the con if they were just planning on finding some random people and then leave?). Violet, having higher brain functions than the other three combined, was the only one who did anything to progress the date. After a while, the mushroom and her host decided to leave to do other couple stuff. And with the sexual tense between jellyfish and fridge now at their peaks, the two went back on their mission.

Well, after about another hour of the two just sort of standing there. What ended up bringing them back to the con was a random explosion (don’t worry about it) that jettisoned them all the way back into the con. Fridge smashed through a wall and Noodles followed suit.

The room they fell into was dark, save for the light from outside that was coming in via the whole. A voice came out from the darkness, “So, it seems you’ve fall right into our trap Refrigereaper” These ninja’s had nothing to do with the explosion that just happened. It was just a coincidence that their plan also involved Fridge coming in through the wall, “You’ve done well at fighting us, but this reprieve you’ve given us has allowed up a chance to pick ourselves up, and prepare for...this!” As the lights turned on, Noodles and Fridge saw (or would see if the former was paying attention or the latter had eyes) a room full of ninjas, all wearing black and all holding swords, “And I’m sorry that you had to get into this conflict little green one,” Bertha said now, directing her attention to Noodles, “But we can’t have any witnesses to our presence. You understand, I’m sure” She gave a sympathetic yet condescending smile to the jellyfish. 

“Attacking me is paramount to willingly removing yourself from this mortal coil” Noodles said with a pronounced jawline. 

“...Okay, I don’t feel bad now. Kill them both!” And thus they came in for the attack. 

When the first attack struck Fridge, the force was enough to knock them over. The fall ended up pinning three ninjas coming from the other side. Not wanting to let the opportunity go to waste, the still standing Ninja ran over and started stabbing Fridge with their swords. When the poorly made swords broke they resorted to kicking them while down. Noodles in contrast was putting up a more active defense of his assistants. They attempted to use water style jutsu on him, but Noodle’s mostly water body was largely unharmed. In response, Noodles started throwing knives at those who approached. These two battles were bloody and full of screams of mayhem. 

Finally, someone was able to grab Noodles from the head. This person also had long enough arms to prevent any knife wounds to their person. With this advantage, they threw Noodles out of the room. As Noodles was going through the air, they reached one tentacle out towards Fridge. At the same time, someone kicked Fridge's freezer door open. Aside from just sending some ice out that hit some people, the open door was pointed directly at Noodles. Two Warriors, a bond forged in fire, separated once more. The Ninjas seemed to have won this day.

Once Fridge had stopped moving, they figured that the kitchen appliance must be dead. The ninjas picked up Fridge and threw them out the whole that they came from. Although none of this was known to the grass poison type currently standing by the Convention Center. 

Venusaur didn’t know what to do. He was standing just a few feet away from the door. In his vine/hand was a ticket for the tournament, but he was frozen at the door. But speaking of cold, this was when Fridge landed on the pavement next to Venusaur, knocking the Pokémon out of there head.

“Saur?” Fridge said nothing, “Saur venusaur?” Silence was met with Venausur’s question. The Pokemon interpreted that to mean that the kitchen appliance was asking the same question in response, “V...venusaur. Saur venusaur venusaur,” He gestured to the building, “saur venu venu saur. Venusaur...” Despite his words, his tone was not angry. Instead they portrayed on shame. Fridge waited until he was ready to continue, “venusaur saur. Saur saur saur saur, venusaur venusaur venusaur saur. S...saur venusaur. Venusaur venusaur saur, venusaur venusaur, saur saur saur venu venu venu.” Fridge said nothing. They didn’t have to, “Venusaur. Venu Venusaur Saur. Venusaur Venusaur saur. Saur venu venu saur. Venusaur Venusaur Venu, venusaur venusaur saur venu venu”

Venusaur turned to the cooling machine, “Venusaur Venusaur. Saur venu venu saur saur. Venu Saur Venu Saur Venut? Venusaur venu. Venusaur?” How could Fridge refuse such an offer? With a base attack stat of 80, Venusaur was able to easily though the refrigerator up with vines. However he was thrown up so high he actually overshot the original whole. And with a third wall broken today, Fridge reentered the con, ready to finish the job.

Noodles had decided to do some soul searching. Clearly, being defeated by a bunch of ninjas was simply just a metaphor for Noodles not living his best life. But this of course raised the question of how could he achieve such a feat? The jellyfish concerned this for some time, ultimately settling on the idea that he should start doing pottery with Vera again. Trying to rediscover his passion for the craft. This plan was halted however by the arrival of a different attrition green woman, “Noodles? What are you doing down there?” It was Isis the mummy and, at time of writing, ill defined player character. Let’s see what she has to say next, “Are you also going to that green meeting we were texting about?”

“I SAW NO TEXT SURE OKAY!” Noodles had not checked his phone in a really long time. Although the main reason for that is because he long ago ate the battery. 

“Well, then let’s go together.” And as with most of his life, Noodles was picked up by someone bigger than him and taken somewhere else outside his control. When he was young it was the ocean waves. Now it was unreasonably attractive people. Such is life. 

As per a description of a previous chapter, Noodles and Isis were part of an experiment to remove the essence of green from the three of them. It was a fun time, and one that ended up succeeding. After the experiment, Noodles was the first to wake up. Polly had disappeared from the area, leaving only Noodles, Hex, and Aaravi awake. 

“Hey Noodles. You can go now. The three of us our on a quest, so unless you wanted to join the party, you’re free to go”

“I feel like I am simply a piece of algae in the open waters. Adrift with no directions or ability to write my own course. But if I could, where would I go?”

“...Nope, That’s too much for me. Hex. you handle this.” And Aaravi went back to the wiki she was looking at before (currently she was looking up the favorite items of the community members near the farm she started. She was determined to get the harem secret ending on this farm).  In turn, Hex floated over and bent down to meet Noodles at eye level.

“So what’s up littlest dude? Or are you actually algae and you just never told me? Rude much” Hex said.

“I wish I was algae, for then I would not be buried by such a terrible weight” As Noodles spoke, it sounded as though some ambient music started playing to reflect this darkest hour. 

“I understand completely” That was a lie on Hex’s part. Being a curse, Hex had basically no concept of responsibility. Most people in the friend group really didn’t understand the concepts of responsibility or consequence for that matter. Maybe that’s why the unofficial (but if lobbying was successful, soon to be official) mooto of Spooky High School was ‘Hold My Beer’, “Well, when things get too intense, you should just do what I do and stick yourself onto someone else’s shoulder. Although I guess I do that all the time since I’m bound to double A over here” Aaravi did glance up at her nickname, but seeing as it was not important she went back to her research, “Still, I bet this would work for you. Just got to find a shoulder for you to rest on”

Noodles thought back to all the people he had ever met in life. Trying to see if there was anyone in his life that could help him carry on his burden. And after much thought (relatively thinking. Noodles doesn’t think a lot in general), he knew his answer. He began to crab walk away to find his best friend.

But as it turns out Sawyer was busy, so Noodles went to find Fridge instead. Noodles ended up finding Fridge in a dark room, seemingly alone. No words were shared between the two as Noodles climbed onto the cooling machine. Perhaps this was because the two had an understanding, a bond, that went far beyond the limitations of language. It was impossible to say as neither character has internal dialogue.

Elsewhere in the room, a light turned on, shining a light onto a stage on one side of the room. On it stood 6 Ninjas. 5 with no names and Bertha herself. The nameless characters all stood in attention as Bertha began her speech. If either Fridge or Noodles was a little more attentive, they may have noticed the ninjas that separated the two from the stage. Then again if the ninja were a little more attentive, they may have noticed their nightmare in refrigerator form standing behind them, “Hello my brave ninjas! This has been a grueling weekend for us all. Beyond the normal challenges that we faced with the various panels, this weekend turned into a fight for survival. And you all made it! So feel proud of yourselves cause not everyone did.

“But even among all of us survivors, there stood 5 ninjas who stood out among us!” Someone just jumped into an air event, “These 5 proved themselves to be the best of us, and as such deserve to stand above most. They have all been awarded my hand made Ninja Steel in order to become my (No Copyright Infringement Intended) Ninja Steel Rangers!” A round of applause rang out of the room as the 5 morphed on stage into their colorful costumes, “And now, may we have the lights on so they may walk around and start greeting people for the press tour?” The lights in the room came on. It was the green ranger who gasped first. Others followed her eyes (or what they assumed she was looking at. There was a helmet on now). More gasps and a few steps back were had by the rest of the crowd. The only reaction that didn’t follow was Bertha herself. She simply laughed. 

“Hahahahaha! So you lived Refrigerreaper and Noodles,” When Noodles was thrown out, they found his driver’s license, “It seems we weren’t able to kill you last time. But it makes no difference really. You lost last time against so many. Now you hope to try once more against not only the same number, but you also have to face my Rangers. It’s almost endearing how silly this situation is,” Bertha’s words instilled vigor within her people. With courage they all began to circle Fridge and Noodles. The 5 rangers in particular walked through the crowd. They were Bertha’s heralds. They would start this fight. Fridge began to shake. The fearful in the crowd saw this as rage. The brave saw it 0as fear. Both were wrong. 

“Any last words you two?” Neither said anything, “Very well. Kill them!” And the 5 rangers came forward.

You may have been wondering, how on earth has Fridge stayed cold this whole time if they aren’t plugged in? The answer is actually fairly simple. Back in Spooky Middle School, Joy Johnson-Johjima may not have been as powerful of a witch as she is now, the tween was still skilled enough to make a handful of glyphs. One such glyph was the Ruin of Ever Cold, which Joy inscribed into Fridge back in middle school. She did this because she had the crush on them (and really, who wouldn’t) and magic was the only way Joy knew how to express her feelings at the time. The glyph realized cold air into the body of Fridge, keeping everything nice and fresh. 

Although, Joy was still a young witch at the time. Her magic was raw, and her magical writing followed. Cold air erupts from within the glyph randomly, and as it just so happens, at the very moment the air inside was going full power. Not even the sturdy Fridge could contain it. 

Their chest swung open. The winds were cold enough to flash freeze all of the rangers. Unable to slow down their momentum, they all crashed to the ground, shattering. It was a pretty horrific sight. More than a few ninja backed away at the display in power. As the winds died down, Bertha pushed her people forward, “Don’t stop now. The winds have stopped. And we know we can beat them in numbers!” Not everyone seemed convinced, “Also the 5 best fighters left get to be the newest rangers. Everyone who doesn’t do anything will become those Ranger’s bitches,” Ninja felt no sense of worker solidarity, so all jumped in at this point.  

Noodle’s stood on top of the fallen fridge. Everyone surrounded the two of them, coming in with all manner of weapons, prepared to try and win this battle. And then Noodles began to glow. Not wanting him to succeed in whatever his plan was, everyone hastened their step towards the jellyfish. Big mistake. Without ever dropping their derpy smile Noodles simply said, “DA WORLD” And then time froze.

One thing had moved however, standing above Noodles was now a golden muscular figure. They glowed with power, and if anyone else had been conscious during the moment of frozen  time, they would probably think all their bones were about to broken based on the look of determination on the Stand’s face. They were correct. 

Two fists flew through the air. Each targeted to cripple those within the stands range. To that end, once Noodles ran out of those within 10 meters, they resumed time, just long enough for more to close in, but froze it once more to prevent anyone from fleeing. The result was within a full second. The whole planet’s population of ninjas had been defeated. Save for one. Bertha still stood back.

Moving based on nothing but his combat instincts, Noodles hand the World through him towards Bertha. Bertha ducked out of the way, but it hardly mattered. The Stand user got where he wanted to be. He resummoned his Stand and grabbed the master mind. The World threw her with tremendous force. She slammed into the open Fridge. The force was enough to close the door. Noodles and The World quickly went over there and locked Fridge. 

Threats neutralized and leader captured. Mission Complete.

Noodles and Fridge never told their general contact that they succeeded in their mission. The government assumed they had died in that mission and would later use their deaths in propaganda for the military industrial complex. This would end up backfiring horribly when Noodles started publishing a fantasy series a few years later and their current state of aliveness was evident. 

But that was a way off. For now, the two saviors of an ill defined ninja threat made their way down stairs to the party floor to join their friends. And even though it was getting late, the night still had enough time in it for at least one last thing. Let’s hope it’s worth it. 

Chapter Text

As midnight came and passed, the late night festivities had not slowed at all. In fact it only seemed to get louder as people were getting off their grave night shifts, finishing up any late night errands, or sneaking out past curfew cause they think their parents were finally asleep. The party was boppin with the continual influx of people which just added more and more layers to the party. 

Aaravi was still high out of her mind and still very cuddly. Scott and Vicky had ended up making a game out of passing Aaravi back and forth in her current state. Hex was the score keeper although the rules did seem to change every once and a while. Liam had somehow convinced the DJ to play some more...experimental music which seemed to kill the buzz for a lot of people. Although that certainly hadn’t stopped Polly from creating a new dance from it. Soon enough everyone was dancing along to the sounds of crackling fire fed through a synthesizer at inconsistent speeds. 

Damien got stuck in that pit he put himself in. Brian was doing his best to get Damien out, but Damien had also decided to join in on the dance Polly had made. It was a real uphill battle of Brian. Both Calculester and Valerie ended up closing up their respective shops for the night to join the festivities as well. Having not seen each other since the war, Valerie and Amira decided just to cuddle a bit and share memes that they had found throughout the weekend. Valerie was wearing a necklace made from the stone Amira got for her. Calculester was currently hanging out with Milo. Milo decided that tonight was going to be one of their social nights. No streaming, no meeting with fans. Just enjoying the night with the people in their life. Although they were hanging out with Calculester just in case something interesting happened so the death reaper could use the computer's memory to extract video and photos. 

Dahlia and Noodles had entered into a weight lifting battle as they felt the other was their only true equal in this field (since Scott was doing other stuff). The weight was Fridge and Bertha who was still stuck inside Fridge. She had since woken up, but was unable to get out. That was bad on its own, but it got even worse once the ninja realized that she was stuck in here with some cold slaw that had gone bad quite some time ago. Oh well. At least the DJ was playing her favorite song. 

Although not everyone was here on what had now been dubbed Party Town (Population 379. They will be holding elections for mayor in about a week). Two monsters decided to take a step away from the festivities. It's not that they weren’t having fun, but for one of them there's only so much social interaction they can take before they need to be alone.

“Zoe, you didn’t have to come with me. I know you were having a good time out there” Oz said to their SO.

“Yeah, but it’s okay. You needed a break, and I wanted to be there with you” Zoe said as she began to change out of her most recent cosplay and into a more comfortable set yellow undershirt and brown overalls. Minutes ago, Zoe had entered into a last minute cosplay fight. She was going as the unnamed narrator from the short story, The Murder in the Rue Morgue. The amazing blend of intangibility, literary reference, and the absolute hornyness of it all got her pretty far. Still, it was a complicated costume and Zoe was happy to be out of it for the moment. 

“Thanks Zoe,” Oz said and he really meant it. He knew how much she liked experiencing every moment of a con, so for her to step away in order to spend it with him, it meant a lot. Damn, they loved this eldritch horror, “Have you had a good weekend?” 

“It has been Amazing!” Zoe said, still full of energy, “The cosplays! The war! Ball Pit 2! This honestly might be the best weekend of my life,” Zoe sat down on the bed next to Oz. She let her head rest on his shoulder, “Seriously Oz. I’ve considered break causality just to keep living this weekend over and over again”

“Wouldn’t you get bored eventually?” Oz asked 

“I don’t think so,” Zoe said with the confidence of someone who has thought about this a lot already, “And even if I didn’t, you’d be there with me. So I think it’ll be fine. And this isn’t a hypothetical by the way. I’m still considering it”

“Well, I don’t think you should. You might miss out on what comes next?” Oz said, only too late realized they said too much. 

“Oh? And what comes next then?” Zoe said, more playful than anything else. Although it did have an affect on Oz. 

Oz felt a weight inside of him. He didn’t really have a plan to bring it up. He just wanted to have it with him. He looked around the room. It was just the two of them. All their friends were down straits. And Zoe had had one of the best weekends of her existence. Now was the correct time. 

“Z-Zoe?” Oz stammered out. Still The Embodiment of Fear had to work up their courage. They stood up straight as they could in order to project confidence. 

“Yeah?” She asked her boyfriend, trying not to chuckle at their attempt to project confidence.

“I-I just sort of wanted to talk about something”

“Is it about Aaravi?”

“Wa...N-No. Why would it be about Aaravi?” Oz asked. Without words, Zoe pointed towards Oz’s waist. Looking down, the being older than time saw a very high and very clingy adventurer girl grappling around his own waist. Also Hex was there. 

“Sup” the curse said then started munching on a bagel

“W-wait? How?” Oz said befuddled, “Weren’t you two with Vicky and Scott?”

“Okay Scott. This time, let’s try to pass Aaravi long distance!” Vicky suggested thinking of a way to spice up their game, “You go over there like a fourth of a football field with Aaravi and chuck her. And put your hips in it!” Vicky encouraged. Scott’s tail was already wagging at the sound of football. 

“Okay. Where’s Arravi?” Scott asked, still very happy. 

“Oh Scott. She’s right....” Vicky was about to point to Scott’s waste, only for her to notice the half monster was gone. She turned around looking for her, but it seems she and her curse were actually nowhere to be found, “...where did she go?”

“And we promise not to lose her again” Scott and Vicky had made their way up to the deity’s rooms. Scott was currently bowing to the two for losing his friend. After a stern talking to, Oz and Zoe agreed to put Aaravi back in their care. Vicky just looked sheepish, literally unsure how any of this could have happened. 

“Okay. As long as you learned your lesson, you can take Aaravi out to play again” Zoe said, trying to channeling as much mom energy as she could (which, albeit, wasn’t a lot). Still, it worked on Scott who nodded understandingly. Zoe gestured to Oz to approach the werewolf and pass Aaravi over. And, like a sloth moving from one branch to another, Aaravi was under Scott once more. With his friend present, he ran off leaving Vicky alone with the couple. 

“So...what are you two doing up here?”

“Oz needed a break from the crowd and I came to join him” Zoe answered. Vicky was one of Oz’s best friends. No need to hide the facts. 

“Oh, I’m sorry Oz. Want me to join too? We could play Apples to Apples?” Cards Against Humanity was never created in this world because so much is already against humanity. It just seemed mean. So Apples to Apples was all they got.

“No!” Oz said a little too quickly, “I mean, it’s fine. We’ll be back down in a minute anyway” Vicky instantly picked up that something was wrong. Apples to Apples was Oz’s favorite game (on account of the apples). They’ve never once turned down the game. 

And in that split moment, Vicky read the situation and, more importantly, remembered a conversation she had with the fearling a few weeks ago. With that memory in mind, she quickly realized that she probably shouldn’t be here. She gave the two farewells and walked to the elevator to return to the party. Although, as she was waiting for the elevator to come up, she did get out her phone and sent a quick text to Oz, ‘Good Luck’.

But back in the room, “So, what did you want to talk about Ozzie?” Zoe directed the attention back to the previous conversation. 

“Oh right” They steeled themselves once more, “W-well Zoe. I’ve been think-” *DING* Vicky’s text just went through. Oz ignored it and tried again, “I’ve been thinking that-” *DING* This time it was Zoe’s phone, but she ignored it for Oz’s sake, “I’ve been” *DING DING* Zoe blushed a little. 

“Sorry, just one second” And she took out her phone to check it. Her embarrassment turned to annoyance as she saw who it was, “Grr! It’s one of those stupid warlock who made a pack with me. Hold on. I need to deal with this” And she was gone

Leah the warlock tabaxi (which is different then a catgirl like Valeri or a Weretiger like Coach) was currently hiding behind a fallen tree. When she and her party took on this quest to defeat this rouge automaton, they didn’t expect such a difficult fight. They certainly didn’t expect for two of their party members to go down, and for their only healer to be pinned down, too far away to revive them. 

“And you’re sure you can’t get to them?!” The party’s monk Victoria yelled out. Before their cleric could respond a laser fired, almost blasting out the monk’s head. 

“Yep! Pretty Sure!” Steven the cleric responded. 

This left the task of suppressing fire to Leah, but in order to do that she would need more than her current pack allowed. Hence spamming texts. After the 5th text, a yellow eye opened up on the tree she was hiding behind. Teeth followed suit, forming into a crude mouth. It spoke with thousands of wishers that were all pretty annoyed at you, “You dare summon me Tabaxi”

“Oh Lord Zoe, please. My allies are dying, and I can do nothing to help. Allow me the power to help!” Zoe’s answer was quick.

“No” 

“But please my lord. We made a deal to grant me power in exchange for me surviving you! Have I not done that?!” They pleaded, but were a little annoyed at being told no in general. 

“You may remember adventurer that our deal was that, for being a $30 backer to my patreon you would have access to these powers. No more and no less”

“But you allow others in these tier extra favors!” She argued back.

“But those are people who like and comment on my FAN FICTION! YOU DO NONE OF THAT DAUGHTER OF THE LENTRON CLAN!!” 

“I...I read you fanfiction all the time!” she tried to defend. 

“You forget Tabaxi, I can see into your mind. I see none of my OCs within your heart” Leah began to feel an angry chill course over her spin, “You have not only tired to get more than you have owed, but you have never even looked at my fics! This is the last straw. I hereby remove you from our pack. Here is your monthly donation back” The eyes closed and revered back to wood. The maw of teeth stayed for a while longer, but only long enough to spit out 273 Norwegian Kroner. And then the presence was gone. 

After a second, the tabaxi tried to conjure a light from nothing, only for said nothing to happen. She turned to the rest of the party, “Guys! I may have fucked up!”

And Zoe reappeared, “Sorry about that. But good news, I have cut ties with them. So it shouldn't happen again. Now, let’s try that again” she gestured for her boyfriend to continue.

“O-okay. So Zoe. I’ve been thinking about-” And a sudden crash was heard. 

Normally this wouldn’t even be worth paying attention to. However, the crash was then followed by a “SHIT MOTHER ASS GOD DAMNIT FUCK WHOLE!!!” that sounded a lot like Damien inside their bathroom. Being compelled to check at this point, the two went into their bathroom to find one Damien LaVey, currently suspended in the air with a horn stuck in the ceiling. Below home was a large whole. 

“...Damien what the hell?” Oz asked as he began to stop giving a shit about all of this.

Mere seconds ago, Damien was still inside of the pit of his own design. And like many problems that Damien caused for himself, it was up to Brain to fix it. The solution was a slingshot. 

“Friend Brian. I understand that this hole has been big enough that you have been unable to get your boyfriend out of it, but it is not deep enough to allow the slingshot to stretch the appropriate length to lift someone of Friend Damien’s weight”

“And as it turned out Calculester was very wrong” Brain had come up to retrieve his boyfriend which itself proved to be a difficult task. Damien was very much stuck in the ceiling. His horn seemed to be stuck on a lead pipe. Not even the weight of Brian, Zoe, and Oz, was enough to pull him free (although it was mostly Brian’s weight. Zoe and Oz our twigs), “So, any other ideas?”

“We could cut off his remaining horn,” Zoe suggested. 

“No! You will not remove my asymmetry! It’s what makes me special!”

“Fine then. How about more weight? Oz, anything really heavy in your bag like an anchor or the knowledge that our pleasures are available through the exploitations of other’s human rights?” Zoe suggested again.  

“Not really? Oh, but I do have the emergency contact list! We could call Damien’s dads to help!”

“NO! They-they’ll just make fun of me. They won’t help at all” Everyone in the room knew that was a lie. Damien’s dads would have been in here in a heartbeat if it was to help their precious little man. But still, if he didn’t want their help then so be it (the reason was because this was like the 7th time Damien has gotten stuck in a pipe. And if his dads show up then his friends are going to hear about all of the times it has happened), “Come on guys. Two of you are the ideas people! You can totally figure out some sort of wacky and nonsensical way to get me out of here!” But no ideas came. 

It was so weird. Normally just one of them could come up with at least 2 ideas, but absolutely nothing was coming to mind. Maybe it was a long weekend and they were all getting tired. Maybe it’s been 21 chapters and we’re all out of wacky. Regardless, no silly ideas came to mind. So, after some thought, Oz decided to rethink the problem. Not to solve this like Oz, but to solve this like Damien. 

“Have you tried...punching it?” No one responded for a minute. 

Then Damien lightly punched the ceiling. He instantly became free. He then proceeded to fall back down the hole to Party Town once more. 

“Well, I should probably make sure he’s okay. See you guys later” And then Brian jumped down the hole as well. It was the fastest way to get down there I guess?

Zoe and Oz made it back to the bed of their room again. They quickly discussed if they should call hotel staff about this, but ultimately decided this wasn’t their problem. 

“So, want to try again?”

“Y-yes...so Zoe-” A knock came from the door. 

Without fanfare, Oz simply walked over to the door, opened it, saw it was Amira and Valerie, “Hey buddy. Quick question,” Oz then closed the door without taking the question. He then walked back to the bed, sat down this time, and put his head in his hands. It wasn’t a panic attack, but he was beginning to spiral a little. 

This was not working. Was the universe telling him no? Why was this so difficult? He ran this over in his head so many times and it just keeps getting interrupted. He had a speech. He had a plan. He needed to stick with that plan or it was all going to come out wrong. Then Zoe would laugh and probably leave. And that was her choice of course. They would both live if she did, but the embodiment of fear very much did not want that. They wanted her with him every single day, but why on earth would she ever want that in exchange. I’m just some sort of no nothing loser that happened to stubble around into something amazing and nothing is working out right now so why would this relationship either. 

Oz felt a tentacle on his shoulder. He looked up and met Zoe’s eyes. They were comforting, but concerned, “Oz, whatever you have to tell me. It’s clearly important. So please take your time in telling it. I’ll be with you as long as it takes”...This world was chaotic and prone to random outbursts and cutaway gages. No time for fan fair. Ignore the script. Just start talking. 

“Zoe. I love you. I know you probably know that. But...But I really wanted you to understand that. I love every minute we get to spend together. You understand me in a way that few people do. You make me want to become a better person every day just so I can live up to you. And for every step I take, you’re still always there to help catch me if I fail. But how you help me isn’t the only reason why I love you. Zoe, you are the most amazing person I have ever met. You are bold and confident. You are profoundly in love with everything you see, and your creativity and wit that you approach everything with is beautiful! I-I want to give you the world, just so I could see what amazing masterpiece you would make of it. All of this, being with you, has been the happiest time in my existence. And...and if you’re willing, I would love to keep doing this” Oz moved off the bed, but didn’t stand up. Instead he got on one knee in front of Zoe. From his shadowy body, Oz brought out a miniature TARDIS he had been carrying around the whole time. Opening it up a ring was glowing in it. 

“Zoe, will you marry me?”

The world around the two seemed to freeze as both only stared into each other’s eyes. For Oz, he was willing to kneel here forever in order to get his answer (although at a certain point he will wish he had put a mat down). Zoe’s mind in contrast seemed to have shut down. Her jaw became slack as she just thought about what just happened. Sure, part of her guessed this was about to happen, but a lot of her anxieties also thought she was about to be dumbed. After all, Oz is this amazing, supportive, kind, and fun monster. It would only make sense that Oz would want someone else. But here he was, proving the exact opposite. 

“Of course” she said almost as a whisper

“W-what?” Oz asked, almost not believing what he heard. 

“Of-of course Oz. I’d love nothing more than that” Zoe was almost in tears, but she had the biggest smile on her face (and leg and arm). 

Oz, filled with pure joy, jumped up and basically tackled Zoe into a hug on the bed. Zoe started laughing at her boyfr- fiancés’ energy. Oz caught the same humor bug and started giggling as well. Oz released Zoe from the hug and slid to the spot next to her on the bed. The two held hands. The giggles slowed, but their smiles didn’t disappear. After appreciating the other’s company, Zoe leaned over and kissed the monster she wanted to spend eternity with. Their heads separated again. 

“I love you Oz”

“I love you too”

“I know you dork” Oz blushed, “So we should probably go downstairs and tell the rest of our friends”

“Yeah, but Amira, Brian, and Vicky should all know this was happening”

“Then let’s go. Got to let them know you didn’t chicken out” And thus the two went down stairs to share the good news with everyone. 

Unfortunately no one was really in the mood when they arrived. Not just from their friend group, but everyone in Party City (or in the larger Metro Party City Area) were available as they all seemed to be on the ground groaning in pain. The engaged couple went over to the person who seemed to be recovering the quickest, Vicky.

“What happened Vicky?”

“I-I don’t know” Vicky said weakly, “We were having a good time, waiting for you two to come back down when we heard something then… we all felt horrible, horrible pain, but also a sense of happiness for our friends for some reason?” That was actually Zoe’s fault. When she was still processing the proposal, she inadvertently let out a noise that transferred her emotions outwards. They passed over Oz harmlessly, but to every other being in the building, their minds were not evolved to handle such a pressure. They soon collapsed under the weight of it all. Thankfully she said yes before anyone important could die. 

“That’s weird. But let’s not worry about that now,” Zoe said, avoiding all responsibility, “After all, I think we should start celebrating again” She flashed her ring at Vicky. Upon recognizing the jewelry that she helped pick out, she felt completely revitalized (although her Stand did help with that recharge).

“Oh my god you did it!” Vicky jumped up and started running over to the rest of the group. Sometimes shaking, sometimes slapping, sometimes electrocuting. Regardless of the method, she did keep repeating that same thing “THEY’RE GETTING MARRIED!! THEY’RE GETTING MARRIED!!!” It took a few of them some time to figure out what all that meant, but once they did they all gathered around to give their congratulations….in their own ways.

“Oh Boos! You have to let me plan your bachelor and bachelorette parties!”

“About time you Noobs finally asked each other….Can I help plan the event?”

“Oh Darlings! That’s wonderful! But you should have let me live stream the proposal. How about this? Tomorrow we hold a stream and you reenact it for the miloverse.”

“Congratulations Friend Zoe and Friend Oz. I have yet to go to a wedding that was not designed to trick someone out of wealth. I look forward to experiencing a genuine one”

“What’s a wedding?”

“A wedding? What a mainstream way to show affection. But if it works for you then I guess that’s fine”

“You’re getting married! Excellent. Thanks to my experience as a Monster Scout and Coven member, I can legally marry people. Just tell me when and where”

“Married hu? That’s pretty cool. So you get to, like, share inventories now right? I honestly can’t think of anything more romantic”

“Finally getting hitched. Nice! Just don’t make them rings look too much like bagels or I will eat them”

“So that’s what you bought those wedding rings for. You know, I should have been able to figure that out”

“MAY YOU HAVE ETERNAL HAPPINESS AND YOU PERSIST BEYOND ALL OF US”

“I’m really happy for you buddy” 

“I CAN’T BELIEVE I FINALLY GET TO BE A GROOMSMAN! Easily my favorite thing to happen this weekend”

“Way to go little Ozzie! First of us to get the knot tied”

And as the party and celebration continued, and the sun began to peak out over the horizon, the Monster Con began to come to a close. It was a wild time where anything seemed like it could happen, and for a lot of those times it did. But for everyone here, this was not a peak for any of them. This was just a step on the wild life that they all got to live. There would be more adventures. There would be more declarations of love. And there would be more conventions. Still, this one in particular would stay with them forever as the time Oz and Zoe provided to each other just how much they mean to the other. Although this was far from the end of their relationship. They did not stagnate at this point. Instead their love continued to grow and change as they tackled all challenges that came towards them. After all, they were young, unafraid, and they had each other forever. 

They would also remember this Monster Con as the place where Amira began her war against an evil spy organizations, but most would agree that the proposal was more important.