Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ressler did not want to be here.
The bright sun only added to his irritation, making him despise the societal norm of wearing black suits to a funeral. Given that it was outside with no shelter in sight, couldn’t he just wear shorts and a shirt?
Liz wouldn’t have minded.

Liz.

It had been a week since he’d held her lifeless body in his arms, feeling the warmth slowly fade out of her, frantically trying anything and everything in his power and out of it to stop it from happening.
But to no avail.
The most important person in his life died in his arms, and there had been nothing he could do to stop it.

Ever since he’d tried and failed to catch the piece of shit responsible for Liz’s death, he’d stayed locked up in his apartment.
He’d ignored all the calls and voice messages from those around him, and ignored them when they came knocking on his door. Not only because he didn’t want their well-intentioned but absolutely and completely useless talks about grief and loss, he didn’t want them to see the state his apartment was in.
He had absolutely no desire to see their pity and concern as they took in the shattered ornaments on the floor, broken in flashes of anger, the pigsty of a kitchen, and the one or two holes in the wall which had clearly been made from a fist.
And, given that he’d seen his own reflection, the state of his apartment looked infinitely better than the state he’d been in.

He'd mourned her death once before, and because he hadn't known that it was fake, a ploy to keep her daughter safe from Reddington, his grief had been real.
He’d wanted to scream, to cry, to yell at anyone who dared to utter her name, and to curl up in a hidden corner of the world and fade away from existence.
This time… was so much more.

So much more had been lost.

It was a strange duality.
He felt the pain and the anger overtake his body, grief constantly following him and enveloping him every day like a cloak made from lead, constantly pulling him down. Yet at the same time, he felt numb, like his body was in this world but his mind was not, feeling detached from everything happening around him.
It was with that mindset that he studied the small number of chairs that had been set up, not all that surprising given how Liz lived for most of the latter of her life.

Feeling a presence coming up from behind him, Ressler turned around to see a similarly dressed Cooper, though he seemed to be wearing his suit much more naturally.
His boss’s eyes clinically swept over him, as if trying to make sure he was physically okay given that he hadn’t been able to reach him in the past week.
Apparently happy with what he saw, Cooper looked him in the eye.
“Donald,” he softly said, his voice subdued and full of genuine concern. “I was worried you wouldn’t come today.”

“Wow,” Ressler immediately snapped. “You must have a pretty low opinion of me if you don’t think I’d show up for her funeral.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Cooper tiredly replied, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

Ressler knew he should be more considerate and understanding, but given the mood he was in right now, or more accurately, had been in the past week, he just genuinely couldn’t bring himself to care.
Just because he was here, it didn’t mean he was okay with anything that had happened. In fact, that was the furthest from the truth possible.

“I want to reassure you,” Cooper suddenly but hesitantly said, making Ressler wary of whatever was about to come. “Reddington has assured me he won't come.”

“He'd better not,” Ressler growled, instantly feeling his fists tighten of their own accord, wanting to beat the murderous old man senseless.

“Ressler,” his boss carefully started saying, but stopped himself as an older woman, in her 70's or 80's, came up to them. Ressler was glad for it, not wanting to insult Liz at her funeral by turning into the angry, violent man he did whenever he thought about Reddington.

“Elizabeth's funeral hasn't started yet, has it?” she asked, her voice slightly raspy with age.

“No ma'am,” Cooper replied. “You can take a seat for now, it'll start in around 25 minutes.”

The woman nodded. “Okay, thank you,” then with a slightly sad smile, asked, “how did you know her?”

“I am, was, her boss,” Cooper replied, Ressler irrationally hating the way he changed the tense. “But,” he added, a sad smile on his face. “We knew each other for so long that, more than friends, we were family by the end.”

The woman nodded, the same smile on her face. “I guess that makes the two of us family as well. I'm her father, Sam’s, sister,” she explained.

“Yes it does,” Cooper warmly agreed.

“And how did you know Elizabeth?” the woman kindly asked, turning her eyes to him.

Ressler stilled, no words coming to mind.
He didn’t know how to describe his relationship with Liz or where to even start.
She was the love of his life, his best friend, his protector, his reason for worry, his sounding board, and his current reason for wanting to pull out his own heart as a means to stop the pain for once and for all.

“He was Elizabeth’s partner,” Cooper's voice gently answered for him.
Partner.
Yeah.
That seemed to cover the bases.

Clearly understanding it as romantic partner, a look of anguish at what he must be going through came over her face, and she softly asked, “how long had the two of you been together?”

Though he and Liz had been something more for a short period of time, he’d known her for over a decade, been partners with her for most of it, and deeply cared about her for more of it than he probably realised.
“For…” he started saying, trying to come up with something that would encompass all of that. “A while.”

Though vague, the woman nodded understandingly, seeming to know exactly what he was saying, and Ressler felt tears threaten to fall. Just like Liz, this woman understood people and seemed to genuinely care.
She reached out and Ressler somewhat reluctantly bent down to accommodate the older woman’s desire to hug him.
“I know that the words aren’t enough,” she whispered in her slightly raspy voice once she had her arms around him. “But I am truly sorry my dear.”

Ressler’s throat suddenly choked up, hearing the genuine sorrow, not only for herself, but for him, someone she’d never met in her life, but because he’d been important to someone important to her, she was trying to comfort him with her warmth and compassion.
Sure she might not be biologically related, but the way she exuded sincerity in her empathy reminded him so much of Liz that he just wanted to break down in her arms.

Squeezing him as tightly as her frailer arms would allow, she let go and took a step back.
“I…” He blinked away the tears in his eyes, feeling a few drop onto his face. “Thank you,” he said, his voice coming out gruff as he tried not to cry. He’d done more than enough of that recently.

She nodded, softly patting his arm before saying, “some day, we must get together and exchange stories about our Elizabeth. What do you think?”

If she’d asked a few minutes ago, he’d probably have said no, the idea sounding too painful, but for some reason, he found himself nodding. “Okay.”

She smiled softly at him. “Whenever you’re ready, dear.”
He nodded, trying to swallow the lump in his throat as she spoke to Cooper.

By the time he’d managed to steady himself, she’d left and the other man looked at him with sorrow filled eyes, Ressler suddenly and irrationally hating it, but whatever he’d been about to say was cut off as a distressed Aram ran up to them.
“Agnes won’t stop crying.”

“Geez,” Ressler bitterly replied, unable to help himself. “I wonder why?”

Aram blinked, momentarily surprised out of his panic, while Cooper gave him another sympathetic look which, while it was genuine and caring, only added to his irritation.
“Um, well,” Aram hesitantly continued. “Charlene and I have been trying to calm her down but nothing’s helping.”
Ressler knew that Cooper and his wife had been taking care of Agnes this past week, but did they really think that just because of that and the fact that Aram had been Liz’s best friend that Agnes would be comforted?
Only one person could do that.
The person they were all in this stupid cemetary for.

“I need you to help,” Aram pleaded while looking at him.

“You mean Cooper, right?” Ressler immediately asked.

“Well yeah, but you too, Ressler,” he replied. Was Aram serious right now? “I know you were close with Liz and Agnes,” the other man continued. “So it might be helpful if you -”

“You think I’m in any condition to console a girl whose mother just died?”
Aram flinched slightly at his harsh tone but Ressler just couldn’t bring himself to care.
“I wouldn’t be great at it under normal circumstances, but when the girl in question is wearing Liz’s face?” Ressler darkly chuckled. “No fucking way.”

Aram took a slightly startled step back while Cooper gave him a stern look but Ressler didn’t care. This was Liz’s funeral for fucks sake. He knew that they knew of his and Liz’s relationship, so did they really expect him to be polite and civil while her lifeless body was lowered into the ground?
Aram gave him a worried and slightly fearful look, but seeming to see the merit of his words, said nothing to him and instead turned to Cooper and said, “please help. We’ve tried, but we can’t make her stop crying,” sounding close to tears himself.

Cooper nodded, and as the two of them started walking away, Ressler growled quietly to himself as he automatically started following them, even though he had protested it so fiercely and knew he couldn’t do anything to help.
There was just too much pain in him to do anything.
If he couldn’t even muster up the tiniest hint of comfort for himself, how the hell was he supposed to reassure and bring some semblance of peace to Liz’s daughter?

But he followed nonetheless and heard her long before he saw her.

As cruel as it seemed, he tried very hard to not care.
The grief he felt over losing Liz was just too much for him to bear and he physically would not be able to carry Agnes’ as well as his own.
But as the sound of the young girl’s wails, filled with anguish and heartbreak, carried towards them, Ressler found it impossible to not care.

God. He would do anything to be an unfeeling bastard right now. To not feel the deep gouges in his chest, filled to the brim and overflowing with pain, grief and anger, physically hurting to the point where he wished he could knock himself out whenever his brain reminded him that Liz was no longer in this world.
He wanted to be numb to how Agnes’ cries only deepened those wounds which he knew would never heal, and how the sound made him want to hold her and keep her safe in his arms forever while also causing him to want to collapse on the ground and scream until his voice had long gone.

They turned the corner of the entrance building and Ressler was ripped from his anguish as he saw Charlene, her angle hiding Agnes from his view but he knew she was there.
There was no mistaking that crying.

Aram rushed forward, Cooper matching his pace, but Ressler found himself slowing down.
He couldn't do this.
He couldn't do a single thing to help Agnes out of her grief, but at the same time, he couldn't stand by and watch everyone fail at doing that themselves.

Why did he follow them?

Charlene moved to the side as Cooper crouched down in front of the crying girl, Ressler finally seeing Agnes after some time.
Wasn't it crazy how fast kids grew?
Though Liz had kept him updated on Agnes, the last time he'd seen her in person was when she'd been in the post office, just before Liz had gone on the run.
At that time, she'd probably reached his stomach, but hazarding a guess from where he stood, she probably almost reached his chest.
It seemed like the older she got, the more Agnes looked like Liz, a fact he both hated and loved.

He watched as, like he'd predicted, the three adults could do nothing to calm the crying child, who at this point, had cried so hard and for so long that she was shaking.
Yeah.
He certainly knew what that felt like.

Suddenly, as if sensing his hovering presence, Agnes, still crying, looked up.
His step faltered as the mini Liz suddenly locked eyes with him, her own red and swollen.
He couldn't do this.
He really couldn't.

The three adults, seeing something had caught Agnes' attention, turned around to look at him, but he stared blankly at the girl, somehow just knowing that she wanted him there. Why she did? Ressler had absolutely no fucking clue, but no matter how much he wanted to walk away, to not add to his crushing anguish and devastation, he couldn't let Agnes down like that. Hell, he couldn't let Liz down like that. He suppressed his sudden urge to laugh. Why was he not surprised that even though she was dead, Liz was forcing him to be a good fucking person.

He numbly walked closer with everyone's eyes still on him, and just as he reached them, Agnes pushed past the kneeling Cooper and collapsed into him, Ressler having to take a half step back for balance. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her face into his shirt.
He froze, numbly aware that he could already feel the wetness of her tears soaking through his dress shirt.
He couldn't do this.
Ressler could feel three pairs of eyes, but he stared blankly down at the head of neatly braided brown hair against him.
Why did Agnes choose him?

Suddenly, Ressler felt disgusted with himself.
Here he was, crying and moping around like he was the one who felt Liz's death the hardest, but Agnes was her daughter for fucks sake. And not only that, but at the young age of being way too young for any of this shit, Agnes was now an orphan.
Life was an absolute fucking piece of shit sometimes, and though it wasn’t possible, he wanted to beat the absolute hell out of it.
His mind suddenly conjured up an image of Liz smiling at him, her eyes bright with laughter as she teased him about how he tried to be all macho and manly by turning all his negative emotions into anger, and while he hated showing sadness, worry and fear, he couldn't help but be open and vulnerable around Liz and only Liz.

And around Agnes too, he suddenly decided.

Feeling tears on his face from the bittersweet image of Liz, he finally moved his arms, which had been stiff by his side, around Agnes, and though she sobbed harder at the action, she buried her face even further into his chest.
He bent his head down, even though she was too short for him to rest his head on hers, and he heard the other three silently walk away. He didn’t acknowledge them, instead focusing on Agnes.

Ressler offered no supportive words to the sobbing girl in his arms, no whispered reassurances, no comforting phrases.

He had none to give.

Instead, he held the shaking girl tightly in his arms, her cries muffled against his shirt but also by the sound of his own tears. He wasn’t going to put up some fake show of being okay for Agnes. She deserved more than that.
He let the tears flow down his face, into her hair, the sobs racking his body just like they were Agnes’ in his arms.
He held her close, but his thoughts were his own, his mind conjuring up memories of Liz smiling at him, how the corner of her mouth would tilt up if he did something inappropriate that she shouldn’t find amusing but did, the way her eyes were wide, warm and bright when he did something kind for her when she wasn’t expecting it, and the way she’d burned his soul with the intensity of her look, everything about her body telling him she loved him long before she’d said the actual words in the back of that restaurant.
He cried and cried, pouring his heart out while Agnes did the same, the both of them clinging to each other while drowning in their same yet unique versions of pain.
These tears were different from the countless he’d shed in the past week. Those had been of anger and anguish, these ones, here with Agnes, was of loss and sorrow and he felt it deeply.

After a few minutes he was slowly all cried out, his mind exhausted but somewhat peacefully blank, but he kept his arms tight around Agnes who, though she was still shaking, her sobs had started to quiet down. After a few more minutes they stopped all together, and Ressler finally lifted his head, his neck feeling stiff and slightly sore from being awkwardly bent down. Ignoring it, he saw that the back door to Cooper’s car was still open, so clearing his aching throat, raspily got out, “let’s go in there.”

Agnes finally let go, looking up at him with red and swollen eyes, a puffy face, and a runny nose, and Ressler had no doubt he looked the same. “C’mon,” he said again, not able to help the roughness of his voice, and put a hand on Agnes’ shoulder to lead her inside.
She mindlessly complied, all the energy completely drained out of her.
He climbed in after her, and she immediately pressed up against his side, slumping her head against his upper arm, and Ressler put his arms around her again, holding her close.
Ordinarily he wasn’t a hugger or a touchy feely kind of person, but it seemed like both the Keen girls brought that out in him.

Her voice just as croaky as his had been, Agnes whispered, “mommy died, Ress.”

He felt stinging behind his eyes, not only at the defeat and heartbreak in her voice, but at the name Liz had called him so often that Agnes had picked it up as well.
“I know,” he softly replied, knowing any apologies would be useless right now.

“I want her back with us,” she said, sounding close to tears again.

He pressed his cheek against the top of her head, a rogue tear slipping down his face.
“Me too, sweetheart.”

They silently stayed like that until the buzz of his phone startled them slightly. Keeping one arm around Agnes, Ressler pulled out his phone and saw that it was five minutes to two, when the funeral was meant to start. The text, from Aram, simply said, let me know if you want us to push the starting back a bit.
Though he’d snapped at Aram earlier, he couldn’t help but love his friend who instead of asking the stupid question of are you okay, because of course he wasn’t, he was practical.
Clearing his throat again, Ressler asked, “ready to go out there?”

Though Agnes looked drained and like she wanted to wallow in her grief forever, she nodded. “Okay.”

He nodded back, then replied, it’s okay. We're coming.

Chapter Text

“I won’t bury you Keen. I won’t stand next to Agnes while she cries at your funeral.”

Ressler numbly watched them lower Liz’s coffin into the ground, a quietly crying Agnes pressed up against his side.
He loved Liz, he really did, but in this moment, he'd never hated her more.
She’d forced him to go back on his word and do something he’d never ever wanted to do.

The sun was still hot and very present in the sky, piercing his skin, and he wished he had his sunglasses, not only to dim the overwhelming brightness but to hide the redness and slight puffiness of his eyes, a side effect from crying his heart out with Agnes.
After that, he and Agnes had silently walked back, Aram seeing them and giving him a quick but tight hug and Agnes a long cuddly hug before walking with them to their seats at the front. Ignoring the evenly spaced out chairs, Agnes had pulled hers closer to his, resting her head against his upper arm.
He hadn’t tried to hug her or reach out again, but he hadn’t reacted either, even when she sniffled into his jacket.

He didn’t know why he cared about hiding his eyes though. Given the way that Aram was crying next to him, no one's attention would be on Ressler, but he could tell Aram was trying to reign it in given that he had a speech coming up.
Though she wasn't crying, maybe she was all cried out for now, Agnes' grief radiated off of her, seeming to amplify his own twofold.
Ressler wanted to leave, to dig into a case surrounded by an endless pile of files, wanting his mind to be so wrapped up and just completely confused by an unsolvable case that would take years to solve so his mind could have something else to focus on.

But as much as he wanted to, he loved her too much to disrespect her by not staying.
So he stayed.
Even though he wished he was anywhere but.

Aram and Cooper, sitting on Agnes' other side, suddenly got up, Ressler dimly aware that they were now up to the speeches.
He forced himself not to listen to any of them, tuning out as Cooper undoubtedly said his proud praises and Aram's heartfelt words probably made the few people that were here cry even harder.
His own and Agnes' pain was just too much to bear. He could not add everyone else's as well.

Instead, he stared, eyes focused yet seeing absolutely nothing, on Liz's coffin.
His mind played out moments of Liz. When he first saw her standing up those stairs with Tom, the impromptu dinner they'd shared on her birthday, all their shared moments in that office, when she proved just how much she cared when she'd done the unthinkable to save him from his past, the heartbreak of their first kiss, the love and intensity on her face as she'd sat astride him naked, and when she'd told him she'd loved him when he'd been just conscious enough to hear it.
He felt silent tears drip down his face, his heart warming at the memories yet breaking at the same time as he realised that that was all they could ever be now that Liz had gone.
Memories.

Feeling a shift in the crowd, he blinked, focusing back in the present, and saw everyone standing up as the priest said the final words.
Awkwardly patting Agnes’ arm, he stood up after she lifted her head off of him. As someone started saying final words, Ressler suddenly felt a prickling at the back of his neck, different from the insistent feel of the sun, and he turned his head sideways, immediately seeing Dembe standing in the shadow of a large tree some distance away.

Ressler suddenly felt the heat of anger bubbling up in him, and he let it overtake him, loving it.
Anger was so much easier to deal with.
Unlike grief and pain, the burning of anger felt good.

Dembe immediately felt his gaze, turning his head to calmly meet his burning gaze.
Ressler stared him down, silently seething.
The other man reverently nodded his head, acknowledging Ressler's reaction but not reacting to it, then turned back to focus on the proceedings.
Ressler forced himself to breathe out.
While the feeling of anger was a welcome change, he couldn't act on it now, when everyone was honoring Liz.
He couldn't do that to her.
Besides, Ressler's anger was directed at Reddington, not his henchman, and clearly he had come alone, paying his respects not on behalf of his boss, but for himself, for his own friendship with Liz.

He turned back as, clearly finished, people started moving from their seats, sounds of shuffling, chairs shifting on the grass, and people quietly sniffling.
From next to him, a teary eyed Aram went to pay his last respects, Liz's aunt slowly following him.
A watery eyed Cooper, on Agnes' other side, turned to her and softly said, "come with us," referring to Charlene on his other side. "Let's go say a last goodbye to your mom."

Agnes turned to look up at him, but he shook his head, not able to do it with her. "Go with Mr Cooper," he gruffly said, his throat feeling rough and raw given that the last time he'd used it he'd been crying.

"Come on," Cooper gently said, maneuvering Agnes between him and his wife with a soft hand on her shoulder, and the three of them walked away, leaving him alone.

Which was how he preferred it.

Turning his head, he saw that Dembe had gone, vanishing as if he'd never been there.
Ressler huffed.
Probably learnt a trick or two from his murderous fucking boss.

He finally looked back, seeing the last person had started making their way towards where the wake was to be held.
He slowly made his way to her grave.
Tears filling his eyes as they landed on her coffin in the ground, he ignored them as he whispered, "I love you."
He wiped his eyes.
"I don't think I ever actually said the words, but you were so good at reading people, at reading me, that I know you undoubtedly knew I loved you."
He closed his eyes.
"I still love you," he amended.
After a few moments, he cleared his throat.
"I know you chose Cooper and Charlene to take care of Agnes, and we both know they're going to pick up right where you left off in terms of raising her right and shaping her into an amazing person," and knowing it was true, added, "but I know you'd want me to check in with her now and again, so, as hard as it will be, I promise I will."
He closed his eyes again, feeling the sun burning through his stuffy suit, hearing the slight wind moving through the trees and some birds chirping in the distance.
Quietly, feeling a few tears roll down his face, he whispered, "I love you, Liz."

He stayed like that for a few moments, taking slow breaths, and just as he was about to leave, a large cloud passed over the sun, giving him the shade he'd been craving since he'd arrived.
Ressler shook his head, unable to help his reluctant smile, and wiping a few tears as he started walking back, whispered, "of course you waited till the end to give me a sign you're watching over me."

He continued walking, but the strange sense of almost calmness that had washed over him vanished completely as he neared the small hall where the wake was being held.
Today had only strengthened the fact that, when he was in grief and pain, he wanted, needed, to be by himself.
He didn't think he could stand around, mindlessly chatting about what a great person Liz was and how much they'd miss her.
He knew people genuinely meant it, but it just felt so fake.

He walked in, and seeing the few people who had come talking with each other and eating or drinking, Ressler froze where he stood.
He definitely couldn't do this.

The one good thing however, was that he didn't feel bad for leaving.

The funeral was to honour Liz’s memory, and even with Cooper’s surprise at him coming, there was no way he’d miss it, no matter how much it hurt.
The wake, however, was for the living, to keep them happy and make them feel better about death.

He didn’t want any part of it.

Ressler turned around, fully intending to leave unnoticed, when Cooper and Agnes came into his line of view, clearly heading for him.
Fucking hell.
Was it too much to have just one thing go for him?

Cooper opened his mouth when he was close enough, but not wanting to stay here any longer than necessary, Ressler immediately said, “I’m leaving.”

“Ressler,” his boss said in a slightly reproving tone. “I know it's hard, but you should -”

“No,” he sharply cut in, refusing to budge. “I'm leaving.”

Seeing that he couldn't change his mind, Cooper sighed and said, “fine,” but before he could say anything else, Agnes suddenly added, “I want to go too.”

Cooper drew in a calming breath, clearly exasperated at having to deal with two of them, but Ressler didn’t care.
“You need to stay, Agnes,” the other man simply said.

Given that she was in Cooper’s care, Ressler didn’t have to deal with any of this and so was about to leave them to their inevitable argument when Agnes turned her pleading and slightly watery eyes onto him.
“I want to come with you.”

Though Ressler had, albeit very reluctantly, accepted to carry Agnes' burden as well as his own, he could not do it all the time.
Especially now, after Liz's funeral.
He needed to be alone right now, his pain and grief too raw, too much, for him to have to deal with Agnes' as well.
“I think you should listen to Cooper,” he told the girl, and ignoring the slight hurt on her face, turned around and walked away before she could somehow convince him otherwise.

Chapter Text

It was just past 10pm when Ressler arrived back home.
He'd gotten to work at 7am and it'd been a mentally and physically draining day.
Not that he was complaining.
This was what he needed at the moment.

Along with the other agents, it'd just been him and Park working this past week after Liz's funeral.
Cooper was still off, probably working with Charlene to try and get Agnes settled in her new situation.
He hadn't gone to visit her yet.
Aram was off as well, probably dealing with grief and loss in a normal and healthy way.
He knew if Liz was still here, she'd tell him to see a therapist or something, but she wasn't, so he was going to do whatever the fuck he wanted to deal with losing her.

Throwing whatever he had in his fridge into a sandwich, he slumped onto the couch with a bottle of orange juice. He'd wanted nothing more in this past week to go through bottles of whiskey or gin, but given the absolutely fucked up place he was mentally, he knew it would've been way too easy to slip into old habits and there was no way he could do that, not only for all the progress he'd made, but for Liz.
Disappointed wouldn't even begin to cover it if he started drinking again because of her, even if it was because of her funeral, so to honour her, he refused to drink even the slightest drop, lest he fall back into one of his addictions.
So orange juice it was.

He ate his slightly pathetic excuse for a dinner while forcing his mind to only think of the case he'd been working on, and when he only had a bite left, his phone rang.
Grumbling into the silence of the room, he picked his phone up from where he’d thrown it next to him.
Why the hell was Cooper calling him?
Even though he didn’t want to, he found himself answering the call.
“Yeah?”
He had no patience for niceties at the moment, and given the circumstances, he knew Cooper wouldn’t take the lack of them personally.

“Donald,” his boss replied in his usual calm voice. “How was work today?”

“Good, busy, productive,” he replied, knowing this conversation would be over the quicker he got through it, but seriously, what did Cooper want?

“Always good to hear,” he evenly replied with a light chuckle, a contrast to his own quick answer. “I was just calling to invite you to dinner at my house tomorrow.”

Ressler thought about it.
Yeah.
Definitely not.
“Thank you, but I’m fine,” he civilly replied.

“Come on,” Cooper lightly urged. “I'm making my famous red Thai curry.”

Ressler had had said curry before, and while it was good, he was in no mood for company. He knew it'd still be the case tomorrow.
"Thank you, but no."

The lightness in Cooper’s voice disappeared as he sighed.
"Agnes is asking for you."

Dammit.
That was the one thing that, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't say no to.
He'd promised Liz, at her grave, that he’d check on Agnes occasionally, but he hadn’t done that yet. Cooper was offering him a chance to do just that, he should be leaping at it, but he was hesitant.
In a moment of vulnerability, he admitted to his boss, “it’s hard.”

There was a pause before Cooper softly replied, “I don’t feel the same level of what you’re going through, though I can understand it.” Ressler was glad he acknowledged that instead of pretending he felt the same. “But,” Cooper gently continued. “You can’t avoid Agnes forever, you know.”

Ressler sighed.
“Yeah, I know.”

“Besides,” Cooper added, a hint of warmth in his voice. “Given how insistent she was, I have a feeling that Agnes is like Elizabeth in that she won’t let you sulk alone.”

Ressler let out a reluctant huff of laughter. Of course Agnes took after her mom in that respect.
“I guess I have to come now.” Cooper lightly chuckled, but though Ressler had been convinced, dinner would be too much for him. Instead, he compromised by adding, “I’ll come for an hour in the afternoon instead of dinner.”

Cooper lightly sighed, but probably figuring that it was the best was going to get, said, “sure,” and after a pause, added, “Charlene’s convinced Agnes to help her with baking tomorrow, so we can have that and some coffee.”

Ressler had a feeling that Cooper was adding the element of food because it'd be a lot harder for him to leave early if food was being served, but he'd had Charlene's baking a few times and it was very good, so he said, "okay."

And so, that was how he found himself outside Cooper's door the next day.
He knocked, suddenly feeling awkward. Was he meant to have brought something? How was he meant to act? He’d been, understandably her thought, in a pissy mood recently, but that probably wasn’t the best mood to be in while visiting people, but at the same time, did Cooper expect him to be all happy and smiley?
That certainly wasn’t going to happen.

The door opened, Cooper giving him a smile slightly more muted than his usual ones.
“Good of you to come,” he said, giving him a pat on the back as he walked inside.

Ressler cleared his throat.
“Yeah. Thanks for inviting me.”

Cooper instantly replied with a “of course,” just as Charlene walked towards them.
Cooper had clearly warned her that he didn't like hugs, because instead of giving him a real one like he suspected she wanted to, she wrapped one arm around his shoulders, giving him a light squeeze before letting go.
"Good to have you here, Donald."
He nodded in response, not quite sure what to say.

Agnes walked into the hallway, but clearly no one had told her his aversion to hugs, because as soon as she was close enough, she wrapped her arms around him, squashing her face against his chest. A lump formed in his throat as he remembered the last time she'd done it, but he forced it down as he wrapped his arms around her and gave her a light squeeze. As he let go, Agnes doing the same a second after, she looked up at him and said, "you came."

And for all the hesitations he'd had, he was suddenly very glad that he had, glad that he hadn't disappointed her.
"Of course," he lightly replied.

Cooper ushered them into the living room, Ressler grateful for the interruption to what was starting to become an emotional moment, and he immediately walked towards and sat in the armchair instead of the couch. Cooper and Agnes sat there instead as Charlene had gone to get the food.

Suddenly, he felt the awkwardness again.
He’d agreed to come over for coffee and cake, sure, but then what?
What were they meant to talk about?
Should they make light conversation about the weather? About how Agnes was doing? About how work was going considering Cooper wasn't there because he had to take care of a girl whose mother just died?
Liz's funeral was literally one week ago.
There was absolutely no possibility for any kind of light conversation right now.
But he'd known Cooper for a very long time at this point, and just knew that he didn't want to burden Agnes, and hell, probably him, with any heavy topics.
Leaving absolutely nothing to talk about.
Great.

Why did he agree to come again?

Cooper, clearly foreseeing this issue, immediately launched into speech, Ressler hearing the words ‘Agnes’ new room’ and having to admit it was a good topic. Obviously it fell under the ‘how Agnes was doing’ umbrella, but it wasn’t explicitly related to the girl’s mental state and she was probably even excited to add bits and pieces about the topic.
Huh.
Clearly that level of thinking was why Cooper was the boss and not him.
Tuning back into the conversation however, he realised he hadn’t said a thing.
Cooper probably wasn’t offended at his lack of conversation but he felt that Agnes would be, so when Cooper finished whatever he’d been talking about, Ressler admittedly hadn’t heard a word, he cleared his throat and asked Agnes, “so Mr Cooper told me that you did some baking?”

“Yeah,” she replied, and slightly sadly, added, “I asked to make brownies.”

Of course she did.
“Did you add raspberries in it?”

Suddenly slightly teary eyed, Agnes replied, “of course.”

“You asked for raspberries,” Cooper said with his brows slightly furrowed. “But you never said why,” finishing in a soft, inquiring voice.

Ressler looked at Agnes, letting her answer, and to Cooper she said, “raspberry brownies were mom's favourite.”

Cooper gave a soft smile. “Well, I'm glad we could find some nice raspberries then,” and looking in the direction of the kitchen and then back to them, added, “let me just go help Charlene bring everything out.”
Ressler and Agnes nodded and Cooper left the room.
Leaving the two of them alone.
Great.
He'd used the one topic of conversation he'd had. What else was he meant to say?

He looked over at Agnes, slightly taken aback by the sudden way she studied him, a hint of hurt in her eyes.
“Why didn't you let me come with you?”

Ah.
Even though it was vague, he knew she was referring to the day of the funeral, but not really prepared to truthfully answer, just shrugged.
“Mr Cooper is your guardian. It was up to him.”

“Well what if I want a different guardian?” Agnes huffed out.

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen, kid,” Ressler immediately replied. “Mr Cooper and his wife are the best guardians you're going to get, besides, your mom chose him to look after you.”

Agnes sighed. “Yeah that's true I guess,” and looking up at him with a shrug, added, “they are really nice and they make really nice food.”
Ressler almost felt like chuckling. Clearly Agnes had her priorities right.

Cooper and Charlene walked back into the room, food and drink in hand, and as they put it down onto the table the latter warmly asked, “so what are we talking about?”

Ressler turned to look at Agnes, and though she wasn’t smiling, there was a hint of humour in her eyes. Turning back to Charlene, he said, “Agnes was just saying how much she loves yours and Cooper’s cooking.”

“Oh thank you,” Charlene replied, clearly pleased as she put a cup of coffee in front of him. “Though admittedly I’m more of a baker and Harold is more the cook.”

Cooper gave a pleased chuckle at that, but his reply was cut off as Charlene put a mug in front of Agnes and the younger girl immediately asked with wide eyes, “you’re letting me drink coffee?”

“That’s hot chocolate, honey,” Charlene immediately replied with a light laugh.
Agnes’ face fell slightly, earning a rumbling chuckle from Cooper, but she happily drank her drink all the same.
After taking a sip of his coffee, Ressler helped himself to a slice of brownie, taking a bite.
It was chewy and fudgy, not too sweet and the added raspberries gave it a hint of tartness.
Yeah.
Liz would’ve loved these.
Directing his compliment towards Agnes, Ressler said, “these are very good.”

“Thanks,” she said, and after taking a sip of her drink, added, “I think mom would’ve liked them.”

He nodded, they’d both been thinking the same, and Cooper told Charlene, “raspberry brownies were Elizabeth’s favourite.”

“Well then,” Charlene replied with a soft smile. “I’m glad we could do them justice.”

There were a few moments of silence as everyone took a bite or had a sip, but Cooper resumed the conversation as he said to Agnes, “there’s no rush at the moment, but at some point we should start thinking about you starting school again.”
Oh yeah, that was a fair point.
Agnes’ schooling recently had been slightly unconventional to say the least, but given that she was now permanently living in one place, it was probably a good idea to enrol her into a school.

“I want to go back to school, but not right now,” Agnes replied after finishing her bite.

“That’s fine,” Cooper instantly reassured. “Let me know when you’re ready,” and from the other armchair, Charlene asked, “do you still want to continue your ballet lessons, honey?”

Oh yeah. Agnes did ballet, and from what he knew, she really enjoyed it.
After thinking about it for a moment, Agnes nodded.
“Yeah, I like ballet.”

“Okay,” Cooper said, nodding. “Let me know when you want to start those as well.”
Cooper and Charlene were Agnes’ guardians, sure, but the fact that they were including him in this discussion, even though he wasn’t contributing anything, meant a lot more to him than he thought was possible, and he was once again glad that he’d agreed to come.
Though after the conversation had ended, them deciding to do some research on ballet classes in the area, Ressler saw that he’d already stayed for half an hour longer than he’d intended to and mentally was ready to leave.
Putting his empty cup back onto the tray, he said as he stood up, “I think I’ll head out now.”

“Are you sure we can’t convince you to stay for dinner?” Charlene immediately asked.

“No,” he replied, hoping they wouldn’t push it. “But thank you for the coffee and baked goods, it was very good.”

“Well it’s all thanks to my little helper who suggested we make brownies in the first place.”
Agnes smiled softly in response.

They walked with him into the hallway, but before he got to the door, Cooper said, “Ressler, wait one moment,” before walking off. Ressler looked at Charlene who just shrugged but Cooper came back a few seconds later, handing him a slip of paper.
“Liz’s aunt gave me her contact details, hoping you’ll keep your promise to meet up with her.” Ressler remembered her as he took the paper. He liked her. “She said she’d have given it to you at the wake, but couldn’t find you,” Cooper added with a pointed look which he ignored.

“Okay,” he instead replied as he put the paper into his pocket. “I’ll reach out to her sometime soon.”

Cooper nodded as Agnes asked, “wait. Is this mom’s aunt?”

“Yes,” Cooper replied. “Your great aunt Rose.”

“Can I meet her?”

Cooper looked at him and resisting the urge to sigh, Ressler replied to Agnes, “when I go visit her, I’ll take you with me.”

“Thanks Ress,” she replied, giving him a quick hug.
He gave her a quick pat on the back before she let go of him.

“Come anytime,” Cooper told him. “You don’t need a reason or even to tell us beforehand.” Charlene nodded to agree with her husband.

“Thank you sir, Charlene,” he replied, acknowledging them both, knowing that they meant it.
Giving them all one last look, he walked out, and as he shut the door behind him, he realised that that hadn’t gone as horribly as he’d imagined.

Chapter Text

It was only when he pulled up outside the cosy house that he realized he hadn't mentioned to Rose that he was bringing Agnes.
After Cooper had given him her number, it'd taken five days for him to muster up the courage to call, but when he had, she'd happily invited him over for a few hours in the afternoon.
At least it wasn't dinner.
He'd picked Agnes up, and during the ride over she'd been talking about the first lesson of her new ballet classes.
Ressler nodded along, adding something when he could, but he felt the growing nerves and hesitation inside of him.
Was this even a good idea? What the hell was he meant to say to Liz's aunt? How much of Liz's life did she actually know about? But even though he considered making up some excuse not to go, he'd still driven on.
If not for his sake, then for Agnes'.

They got out of the car, Agnes surveying the pale yellow house before saying, "it's cute."

"Yeah," he absentmindedly replied, trying not to let his nervousness show.
They walked up the few steps and he knocked on the door.
It was opened a few moments later.

“Donald,” Rose said while beaming.

“Rose. Nice seeing you again.”
He bent down, letting the woman hug him, and though he was nervous, he wasn't so raw in his emotions this time that he felt the need to break down in her arms.
As she let go of him, he stepped to the side and added, “I bought someone with me.”
Agnes moved a half step forward, but suddenly nervous, also closer to him, pressed up slightly against his side.

Face lighting up, Rose said, “you must be Agnes!”

Agnes nodded. “Yes I am.”

Ressler had been so nervous and apprehensive about this visit, not only because it was Liz's family, someone who he'd never met, but also because he was beyond worried that this visit would skyrocket his grief to the levels it had been at the funeral and before. And though he was feeling pretty much the same since then, a minuscule improvement was better than none.
But all of that momentarily slipped from his mind as he realised that Agnes clearly trusted him enough to actively seek out his comfort for when she was feeling nervous or uncomfortable, and his chest tightened at that realization.

Seeing her hesitation, Rose warmly smiled at Agnes, saying, “your mother told me about you, but wow, you’re so big!”

Agnes seemed to lose some of her nerves, stepping slightly away from him as she asked, “she told you about me?”

"Oh yes she did!" Rose instantly replied. "She told me how smart you are, how beautiful you are, and how much you love seeing new places!"
Much like she'd done with him at the funeral, the older woman instantly put Agnes at ease, something he could tell from the way her body relaxed.

As Rose ushered them inside, Agnes said to her, "mom told me about you and her other family even though we never met any of you."

Rose asked, "she did?" and Ressler saw through the warmth in her eyes that she appreciated Liz making that effort.

Seeming to remember something, Agnes asked Rose as they walked through the hallway, "are you the aunt that taught mom magic tricks?"

Rose burst into delighted laughter as they walked into a small but cosy and colourful living room.
"Why yes I am."

"What kind of tricks?" Ressler asked, figuring it was polite to add to the conversation and not just relying on Agnes to do it.

“Mom showed me some cool card tricks,” she answered. “And one time, she showed me how to take the battery out of someone’s phone without them knowing.”

Ressler froze, then slowly turned to face the seemingly sweet old woman.
“You’re the one who taught Liz how to palm a phone?”

She casually shrugged as she gestured for them to sit, and as they complied, Ressler slightly dumbstruck, she answered, “I picked up a few things here and there in my youth, and thought it would be fun to pass on to my niece along with a few other tricks, seeing as that I had no kids of my own,” she added.

Seriously?
“You taught her how to do criminal activities?” he disbelievingly asked, vaguely aware how Agnes suddenly seemed too interested at his words.

Liz’s aunt waved off his accusation, saying, “it was just a few tricks, besides, as long as no one blabs to the cops we’ll be fine.”

He silently stared at her, the sheer absurdity this visit was quickly turning into completely vaporising the worry he’d had about it.
“You realise that I work for the FBI, right?”

It was her turn to freeze.
“I thought you were Elizabeth’s partner, as in boyfriend.”

“Well yes,” he replied. “I was, but I was also her partner at work, the FBI,” he repeated.

She seemed to process it for a few moments before saying, “oh dear me,” and grabbing a few glasses and placing them next to the jug of lemonade on the table, added, “well. Let’s forget we had this conversation then, shall we?”

“Wait. Ress,” Agnes suddenly said, a large smile that he hadn’t seen since Liz was alive on her face. “Does this mean you have to arrest mom’s aunt?”

The woman looked at him from the chair she’d just sat down on, playfully daring him to try, and picking up one of the glasses she’d poured out for them, said, “why would I? Like your Great Aunt Rose just said, I’ve already forgotten what we were talking about.”

Rose chuckled, but he ignored it completely as Agnes giggled, his chest abruptly warming at the sound.
He’d been drowning in pain and grief and anger for so long that this warmth, this happiness, almost felt foreign to him.
Recently he’d been more angry than sad, anger felt a whole lot better than grief, but this also felt good. Maybe, just maybe, he should slowly start allowing himself to feel it.

He tuned back into the conversation, Rose telling Agnes about Liz’s first day at school, the time they'd built an intricate pillow fort, and a time where she and Liz had dressed up and gone around town pretending to be different people, something that sounded suspiciously like undercover work, leaving Ressler once again wondering what Rose's past had been.
He silently watched as Agnes intently listened and laughed along to the animated way Rose told the stories about Liz's childhood.
Agnes had obviously just lost her mother, but instead of wallowing in it and letting it eat her up like he was, she was getting comfort from absorbing all the stories she could about Liz.
He could learn a lot from her.

"I loved helping her and Sam in the garden," Rose was saying. "And I know we planted some grapes to make wine, but I don't know if -"

Ressler couldn't help his laugh.
The first time since Liz died.
Rose and Agnes turned to look at him with questioning looks, and he explained, "I've had the wine made from those grapes."

"You have?" both of them immediately replied? "How in the world did you get it?" Rose added.

"A… friend," he replied, forcing himself to ignore his sudden hatred, especially given the happiness he'd just achieved. "A friend somehow found a bottle of wine Liz and Sam made and gave it to her as a gift," and feeling a slightly sad smile coming to his face, he added, "Liz and I shared the bottle while eating wing-yees to celebrate her birthday."

"Wait, Ress!" Agnes said excitedly. "Is this the birthday you and mom were talking about that started the tradition?"

He chuckled, looking at Agnes with a smile. "Yeah, that was the first time."

"What's the tradition?" Rose gently asked.

"Every year for mom's birthday," Agnes explained. "Ress comes over and we have wing-yees for dinner. It's really fun."

"That does sound really fun!" Rose added, and an idea coming to mind, one he instinctively knew Agnes would love, he asked, "how about we do the same for your birthday?"

She launched onto him, giving a quick and slightly violent hug before sitting back and saying, "yes please!"

He lightly chuckled, Rose doing the same, pleased he'd made the suggestion given the response he'd gotten.
"Okay, sounds good."

Rose looked at them both with a warm smile, then turning to him, asked, "so how did that wine turn out?"

"It certainly wasn't the best I've had -" Rose chuckled "- but it wasn't bad for what it was." Rose laughed, saying "fair enough," and he added, "in fact, Liz was saying that, given how she and Sam didn't really know what they were doing, it turned out pretty great."

Rose shook her head, but there was clear fondness in her expression.
"Sam was so worried about how he'd take care of Elizabeth when she came into his life but he was such a good father."
Ressler nodded, everything Liz had told him about the man letting him know that that was true.
"I think," Rose added slightly sadly. "The last time I saw Elizabeth was at his funeral," and shaking her head, sudden pain in her face, she quietly added, "I can't even imagine how she must've felt when she heard the news of his passing."

"I was with her when she found out," Ressler softly admitted, the heartbreak and anguish she'd exuded in that moment coming to mind.

Some of the pain eased from Rose's face, almost seeming slightly relieved as she said, "well, at least she had someone to help and comfort her through it."

He quickly shook his head. "I wasn't romantically involved with her then, in fact, I'd only recently met her at that point."

"That's irrelevant," Rose said, shaking her head, and seeming to know the answer, asked, "did you let her suffer alone or did you help her through it?"

Ressler thought about that moment, something he hadn't done in god knows how long.
He remembered how he'd made all the agents leave to give Liz space, how she'd collapsed into his arms like she'd done after being captured by the stewmaker, and how, unlike that time, he hadn't been as awkward about holding her in his embrace. He remembered how he'd driven her to her place to get her things then back to the airport, all done in silence like he'd instinctively known she'd wanted and how, before leaving, she'd lightly squeezed his arm in a silent thanks.
Feeling the prickle of tears ready to fall, he cleared his throat before saying, "I helped her through it."

Rose nodded, as if she'd suspected as much.
"I don't know if Elizabeth ever said, but I know she appreciated it more than words could ever say," Rose said. "When I lost my dear Larry, it was the support of my best friends that got me through it. They didn't say or do anything big, instead just being with me, offering their silent support. I wouldn't have gotten through my loss without them," she added with a slight sniffle. "And I just know that Elizabeth would have felt the same about you."

Ressler nodded, trying to get some handle on his emotions before clearing his throat and replying, "thank you. That means a lot."

Rose also nodded, wiping a tear away and from next to him, Agnes shuffled closer, looping her arm through his.
How grown up and mature was this kid that she was the one comforting him right now?
But regardless, he found it reassuring, and they sat in silence for a few moments before Rose let out a light chuckle, wiping away the last of her tears
"Look at me! I wanted to share happy stories about our Elizabeth and instead I've made us all cry!"

Ressler let out a reluctant chuckle, wiping his misty eyes and Agnes looked up at him with a small smile before letting go.
"So, my dear," Rose said to Agnes. "What are your favourite places that you've travelled to?"

"Oh I love them all," Agnes immediately replied, her face lighting up. "Me and mom went to a lot of places like Paris, and Russia, and Singapore and I love all the places we went to."
Rose's face lit up as well, and clearly also a well-travelled woman, she and Agnes started comparing where they'd been and what they liked best.
Ressler was happy to let them talk.
Seeing the way Agnes lit up while talking about travelling made him realise that she and Liz did that a lot together, but unfortunately it was something the Cooper’s couldn’t give her right now, or at least, not to the same extent that Liz could.

Seeing that it was nearing 5pm, at the next pause in conversation he said, “it’s been wonderful getting to know you, even though I learnt about your criminal past,” he lightly added, earning chuckles from them both. “But I think Agnes and I should head out now.”

Rose nodded. “Well it was lovely getting to know the two of you as well,” and as they all stood up, she added, “don’t be a stranger. Come again whenever you're free.”

Ressler found himself nodding, and actually meaning it, replied, “we will.”

She nodded, pleased, and after they’d walked back down the hallway, she added, "If you need someone to take care of Agnes while you're doing your busy FBI things -" Ressler shook his head but laughed, Agnes joining in "- I'd be more than happy to take care of my great niece while you're out of the house."

"Oh…" She'd understood the situation wrong. "That's great, and we'll probably take you up on that, but," he said, stumbling slightly over his words as he aimed to clear up the misunderstanding. "Agnes doesn't actually live with me."
Agnes stayed silent while Rose tried to cover up her confusion so he added, “Liz left Agnes’ guardianship to our boss, who’s practically family at this point,” and realising she’d met him, added, “Harold Cooper.”

“Ah,” she said. “I only met him for a small amount of time, but he seems like a good man," and when Ressler confirmed that he was, she added, “well, the offer extends to him and his wife as well."

"I'll let them know," he nodded, then after a pause, added, "thanks again for having us," Agnes from his side adding, "thanks for telling me all those stories about mom."

"It's genuinely my pleasure, dear," she warmly replied. "And please," she added, looking at them both. "Come again sometime soon."

"We will," he nodded, and with their final goodbyes, he and Agnes got in the car and headed off.

Smiling, Agnes said, "I like her," and with a side glance at him, added somewhat cheekily, "even though you might have to arrest her."

Ressler shook his head, not able to help his chuckle. "Yeah, she's certainly interesting."

Chapter Text

After an irritating day where, for some reason, every single one of their suspects had thought they could outrun them, Ressler was beyond ready to head home and collapse.
He and Park started walking out, Aram already gone, when Cooper called out from the balcony, "Ressler, a word before you leave?"

He turned to Park next to him, wondering if she knew what it was about, but she shrugged then walked off, and holding in a sigh, Ressler walked up into Cooper's office.
"Yes?" he asked as he walked inside.

"Have a seat, Donald," Cooper said, gesturing to the one in front of him.

Ressler didn't like this.
Nothing good ever came when his boss started with that.
"I'm good standing, thanks."

Cooper let out a light sigh, but said, "as you wish," then silently looked at him for a second.
What the fuck was happening?
"Agnes brought up something a few days ago," he finally said. "And she's becoming more insistent and serious about it since then."

Ressler ignored the part of his mind that instantly worried something was wrong with Agnes. If there really had been, Cooper would've told him outright and not bothered with all this drama.
Slightly impatiently, he asked, "what is it?"

Cooper took another pause to think, Ressler ready to turn and leave, when he finally said, “Agnes wants to live with you.” What? “She wants you to be her guardian.”
Agnes wanted to live with him? Over Cooper?
Sure he loved the kid but what had happened in the last six days to make her want the change? Could he even take care of her well enough to not mess her up for the rest of her life?
“Considering you didn’t immediately say no,” Cooper said into the silence, seeming slightly wary of his next words but determined to say them. “I just have to say that, make sure if you say yes, it’s for Agnes, and not as a way to keep Elizabeth close.”

“How much of a selfish, uncaring bastard do you think I am?” he instantly snapped, unable to help himself.

Cooper put his hands up, saying, “you know I didn’t -”

Ressler shook his head, cutting him off.
“You really think I care so little about Agnes that I’d purposely force her to stay in a home that’s bad for her just because I’m sad?”

"Do you really think that I -"

“You think that I’d insult not only Agnes, but Liz by -”

"Stand down Agent Ressler," Cooper commanded in his authoritative director of the FBI voice, one Ressler couldn't help but instantly obey.
"Do you really think that I think so little of you?" he finished.

Ressler stayed silent, knowing that was clearly a rhetorical question, and taking advantage of that, Cooper continued.
“I know you’d never force her to live with you, after all, she was the one who brought it up, not you, but I just want you to walk into this with your eyes wide open. I’m only thinking of what's best for yours and Agnes’ future right now.”
Ressler nodded and Cooper continued.
"Given how insistent Agnes is, and how serious she is about this, I'm taking it equally seriously."
Ressler sharply nodded. That was fair enough.
"If, after considering everything, you think that you can, that is more than fine with me, but,” Cooper added, eyes drilling into him. “We're going to have that conversation first. You, me, Agnes and Charlene."

Yes he was initially annoyed, but after cooling down for a few seconds, Ressler realised that Cooper just wanted what was best for Agnes, something he wanted as well, so after taking a deep breath, said, "okay, sounds good," and somewhat sheepishly, added, "sorry about my… outburst."

Cooper, the gracious man that he was, brushed it off with a laugh.
"I'll admit that I was expecting some kind of reaction, so let's just say that I wasn't caught entirely by surprise."

Ressler lightly chuckled, trying to hide his slight embarrassment that Cooper had anticipated his tantrum like a father would his toddler's.
“Should I come by tonight?” he asked, trying to move on.

Cooper thought about it for a moment before replying, “no I don’t think so. It’ll be best if you come by tomorrow. Give yourself some time to go over and process things.”
Ressler nodded, figuring that it was a good idea.
Seemingly saying all he needed to, Cooper got up, and they made their way to the garage together, talking instead about the day and what were the next steps in the case.
Before getting into their cars, Cooper said, "see you tomorrow."
Ressler nodded.

He got home, made and ate dinner, tied up and watched a bit of TV, but throughout all of it, his mind was on Agnes and her moving in with him.
The more he thought about it, the more he warmed up to the idea. Like Cooper had said, one of the reasons was admittedly that it was a way to keep Liz close, but that certainly was not the only thing, and if it had been, he wouldn't allow himself to go through with it. When he'd found Audrey's pregnancy test, something he could now think about without too much pain, it had squashed the dream he hadn't even realised he'd had of becoming a father. Though he certainly wasn't going to be Agnes' father, he would never brush away Tom's importance to Agnes like that, becoming her guardian was the closest he'd ever get to that. But faded dreams of fatherhood aside, this was Agnes, the girl he'd watched grow up. The one thing that he was certain of was that he couldn't say no to her.
The only thing holding him back, from immediately saying yes, was him. Sure he wanted to say yes and Agnes certainly did as well, but would he be good enough for her?
With absolutely no experience, could he raise this brave, intelligent girl who was grieving her mother, something he was doing as well, without completely messing her up for the rest of her life?
If he were raising her with someone, with Liz, he wouldn't have that worry, but that obviously was not an option. And sure Cooper and Charlene would always be offering their help and support, but it was different.

In bed now, Ressler willed himself to sleep.
He'd see what tomorrow's conversation would turn up.

The next day, he arrived earlier than planned in hopes of leaving earlier as well.
It was the afternoon, and he didn't want there to be even a possibility that he could be convinced to stay for dinner.

He knocked lightly on the door, waited for a few long moments, and was about to knock again when Charlene answered.
"Hi, Donald -" he nodded back "- I just have something in the oven that I have to keep an eye on, but they're in the living room."
He nodded, closing the door behind him, and as Charlene rushed off, he walked the opposite way to the living room.

A few steps away, he couldn't help but pause as he heard voices inside.
“I loved your mom,” Cooper was saying to Agnes. “But because of his relationship with her, Ressler feels the loss of her harder than I do.”
Where the hell was Cooper going with this?
“Because of that,” he continued explaining. “He's not in the best of moods, and I don't know if he'll be able to raise you right now.”
Ressler wanted to complain but he couldn't.
Cooper's assessment was harsh but fair.

He waited for Agnes' reply, and was surprised to hear a loud huff of annoyance.
“Well I'm not in the best mood all the time either,” she stubbornly got out. “I love my mom but miss her too and I'm annoyed by everyone trying to make me only remember happy things.” Huh. Fair point. “I want to be sad and angry sometimes.”

Ressler felt a reluctant smile grow on his face. Attitude and brutal honesty seemed to be strong within the Keen girls. But, somewhat soberly, he also thought that if Agnes spent any more time with him, she'd turn into just as bitter of a person as he was and he didn't want that for her.
Maybe Cooper was right in his hesitation.

He coughed lightly as he walked in, but before anyone could say anything, Agnes’ face lit up and she quickly got out, “you want me to live with you, right Ress?”
Ressler paused, thinking of how to say what he needed to, but her face immediately fell before he could articulate his thoughts.
“You don’t?”

Choosing his words carefully, he said, “there’s a lot of things we need to talk about before I answer that question.”
And they really did.
He would be okay with it and probably enjoy having her live with him for a week, maybe even a month, but what about a few months in? Or a year? What if it all just became too much for him? He couldn't just return Agnes back to Cooper.
Agnes nodded, suddenly seeming mature for her age in a way that showed she’d already gone through so much at such a young age.

He nodded as well, making his way to the armchair as Charlene came in, a plate of freshly baked cookies in one hand and some plates in the other. After putting them down on the table, everyone helped themselves as Charlene sat down on the free armchair.
Once everyone had taken a few bites, Cooper said, “okay Agnes. How about you start with saying why you want Ressler to be our guardian.”
Yeah, that was definitely a good place to start. There weren’t enough words to describe how touched he was by Agnes’ choice, but why would she want to choose him?

“I promise I like you and Mrs Cooper,” Agnes immediately reassured. “I don’t want Ressler to take care of me because I don’t like you guys.”

Cooper let out a small, rumbling chuckle, easing the slight tension in the room. Charlene smilingly said, "thank you honey," and Cooper added,"thank you for saying that, Agnes, but I promise we're not mad about that.”

Agnes smiled at them, nodding, before continuing with, “I like hanging out with Ress, and I’ve already spent a lot of time with him because me and mom have probably hung out with him more than we have with you, Mr and Mrs Cooper.”
Was that true?
“Like Ress always did our birthdays with us,” Agnes continued. “And then we went out for ice cream a lot of times and all of you guys came to my dance but Ress also came to the plays I was in and one time we went to the beach together.”
Huh. Ressler guessed it was true.

“That’s a very good, strong reason,” Cooper said. “Do you have anything else to add?”

Agnes was about to shake her head, when she softly added, “Ress has really nice and warm hugs.”

He’d mentally prepared himself to be almost brutally honest, to lay down all the facts with a strict efficacy to make the decision be logical rather than emotional, but his heart softened at her last reason.
Who was he kidding?
Of course this was going to be an emotional decision.

Cooper and Charlene gave him soft looks, clearly also feeling the impact of Agnes’ statement, but ignoring that, he was about to start saying the points he’d mentally prepared, when stopping himself, he first said, “thank you, Agnes. That means a lot.”
She nodded, giving him a small smile.
“First thing you need to know,” he said. “I have never taken care of a child so, if you live with me, I’ll obviously try to do the best I can, and maybe I’ll be good at it, but maybe I’ll also be bad and I need you to know that.”

"Okay," Agnes simply said, but he could tell she was listening intently.

"I know there've been a few times when your mom was busy and I looked after you for a few hours, but that's obviously very different to this -" Agnes nodded "- meaning I'll be learning as I do it and I might not always get things right." Agnes nodded again, and knowing he had to acknowledge Cooper's words that he'd walked in on, Ressler added, "obviously we all miss your mom and I know that's the hardest for you -"

"But you miss her a lot too."

Ressler sadly nodded.
"Yeah. I miss her a lot too." Ressler saw the understanding in her eyes. When did she get so big? "Because of that," he continued. "There will probably be times where… where I'm not in the best mood."

Agnes nodded, and he could tell she truly understood, and a small smile suddenly coming to her face, she said, "don't worry, there'll be times where I won't be in the best mood too."
Cooper and Charlene chuckled, and Ressler couldn't help the reluctant smile that touched his lips.

Agnes was being surprisingly realistic about all of this.
Ressler guessed that with constantly moving around and living on planes, Agnes was not a child who had a "normal" living situation, so she wasn't fussed if the conditions weren't conventional.
Something suddenly coming to mind though, he looked Agnes in the eye so she'd know he was serious.
"If you do come to live with me, anytime you want to move back with Mr and Mrs Cooper, I don't want you to worry about hurting my feelings. I need you to tell me."

She shook her head, as if he was being silly.
“I won’t want to -”

“No,” Ressler said, interrupting her. “I need you to promise me that you will tell me if you ever change your mind, or, if you have any worries, that you tell me. I don't ever want there to be a time where you're unhappy with your living situation but you're too scared to tell me," he added, deadly serious.

Agnes studied him for a moment then solemnly nodded, Ressler once again hating how she seemed to mature for her age.
"I don't think that will happen either," Cooper suddenly reassured, "but please know that you can always come to Charlene and myself for anything," and from the other chair, Charlene added, "no matter how small, or how awkward you feel about it, honey."

Agnes nodded again, smiling at them both.

"Well," Cooper said, lifting the slightly somber mood that had fallen across the room. "Let's talk about more fun things, like school."
Agnes let out a fake groan which had everyone smiling, and with a significantly relaxed feeling, everyone discussed finding a school, and Cooper talked about being happy to change Ressler's hours so it would fit with those times.

During this whole process, Ressler had been brutally honest with Agnes, and even with all of that, she still wanted to live with him. While it was reassuring to know she was going into this with her eyes open, Ressler was still slightly unsure if he would be good enough, but at the same time he knew that there was no way he could make himself walk away from this.
Yeah, he was probably going to say yes.
Everyone knew it at this point.
Saying that though, there was one main issue in the way.
Turning to Cooper, he asked, "would I even be allowed to? Given that you're legally Agnes' guardian, I mean."

"That's a good question," Cooper replied. "One I honestly don't know the answer to."
Agnes looked slightly anxious by that news, but Cooper added, “you’ll have to talk with the lawyer who’s in charge of Elizabeth’s will.”

Ressler looked at the hopeful look on Agnes’ face then back to Cooper.
“Okay. Give me the details of this lawyer.”

Chapter Text

Ressler walked inside the woman's office, trying to hide his nerves.
This lawyer, Ressler couldn’t quite seem to remember her name, was an older, distinguished looking, African American woman. She certainly seemed nice enough, but that did nothing to ease his anxieties.
Agnes, Charlene and Cooper were waiting outside, the latter saying that it would probably be best if he initially talked to the lawyer by himself.
"Mr Cooper mentioned that you had a question regarding Agnes' guardianship?" she asked once they were seated.

"Uh yes I did," Ressler replied, trying to speak as he normally would even with the nerves that he irritatingly couldn't make disappear. "Agnes would like me to be her guardian, and though Mr and Mrs Cooper and I are happy to make that change, we don't know if it's actually a possibility given that Liz, Elizabeth, expressly made them her guardian."

“Actually,” the woman said. “Ms Keen did initially consider making you Agnes' guardian.”

Ressler sagged back against his chair, feeling like someone had just punched him in the chest.
“She did?”

“She did,” she confirmed as she flipped through the papers in front of her. “But I admit, I did advise her against it given you are a single man working a potentially dangerous job, and though she felt that you would be a good guardian, she eventually chose Mr and Mrs Cooper, not wanting you to deal with the sudden burden of taking care of a child alone.”
Ressler stayed silent, his shock making him process things slower than usual, but taking it the wrong way, the woman paused, looking up at him.
“I didn't mean to cause offence, Mr Ressler.”

Ressler shook his head, not offended, but not really listening either.
For some reason, this news hit him hard.
He'd been seriously wondering if this was a bad decision, not for him, but how badly living with him might affect Agnes, only to find out that Liz had actually considered it. In fact, the only reason she hadn't gone through with it was out of concern for him and his future, not because she didn't think he couldn't take care of Agnes.
If Liz thought he could do it, then why was he doubting himself? Especially when he was Agnes' choice as well.
Ever since it had come up, he'd always figured he'd say yes simply because there was no way he'd be able to say no, but there had always been that looming doubt, wondering if he was good enough.
But now, even from beyond the grave, Liz was telling him that he was good enough.

Softly, clearly seeing that this was big for him, the woman asked, "would you like to get started on the documents we need?"

Ressler cleared his throat. "Yeah, I mean, yes, that would be good."

She nodded, and while pulling out some papers from a file, softly said, "Ms Keen absolutely lit up while talking about you with her daughter."

Ressler silently stared at her, and as she met his gaze, he slightly shakily started saying, "I…"
What was he meant to say to that? It was the smallest of things, but it felt so monumental to him right now. He cleared his throat. "Thank you for telling me."
She nodded, softly smiling at him, and feeling bad for not remembering her name from when she'd told them all when they'd first come in, he apologetically asked, "I'm so sorry, but your name has seemingly gone from my mind."

The woman chuckled, brushing aside his apology with a wave of her hand. "I daresay you've had more pressing things in mind. Joanna Humphrey."

He nodded. "Thank you, Ms Humphrey."

She warmly smiled, then looking at the papers and back up, said, "Mr and Mrs Cooper are needed for the paperwork so how about we call them all in?"
Ressler nodded, and as Humphrey asked a secretary to call them in, he sat quietly in his chair, everything soaking in.
He was going to be Agnes' guardian.
He was excited, he knew he was, but at the moment it was slightly daunting. But if Liz had faith in him, he had to have the same faith in himself.

The door opened, Cooper, Charlene, and Agnes walking in. The former two first acknowledged the lawyer with a polite, 'Joanna' but Agnes immediately asked, "so? Can I live with you Ress?

"Yeah," he replied, still feeling slightly dazed, and though Agnes immediately started cheering, warming him up, Cooper gently prompted, "Donald?"

Looking at his boss, who’d practically become family over the years, Ressler slowly said, “Liz had actually planned on asking me first.”

“Mom did?” Agnes asked, stilling.

“She did,” the lawyer added, and as everyone eyes turned towards her, she added, “I was the one who suggested to Ms Keen that couple might provide more stability to her daughter if it came to needing guardians, especially given that Mr Ressler is a single man in a potentially dangerous job.” Cooper and Charlene nodded, understanding. Ressler did too. He couldn't bring himself to be offended at her words considering that they were true and that the woman was simply wanting what was best for her client.
“But,” the woman added, turning to Agnes with a warm smile. “If this is what the younger Miss Keen wants -” Agnes eagerly nodded “- then I think that she’s on the same page as her mother."

Ressler was unable to help his smile at the grin on Agnes’ face, and turned to Cooper as he asked, “you know what this means, Agnes?”
She shook her head.
“It means that even though your mom is not here, she’s agreeing with your choice,” Cooper finishing off his sentence while looking at him.
Ressler nodded, smiling at him. He had realised the same thing himself.

Though there was the threat of tears in her eyes, Agnes smiled, launching onto Ressler with a big hug. He immediately hugged her back, and feeling much more confident in his choice given that Liz had erased his doubts, he smiled.

Chapter Text

It was a busy weekend.
Cooper, Charlene and Aram had helped him and Agnes move her things from the Cooper’s to his and they’d all helped set up her new room, including the new bed he’d bought for her. The one she’d been using was the Cooper’s guest bed and he thought it was good to get one that was hers, especially considering he didn’t have one.

All of Liz’s money was left for Agnes, but until she was 21, it was under the control of the guardian. The will had said all of Agnes’ schooling was to be paid from there and all expenses could as well, but Ressler was paying for it himself.
He definitely had the means to provide for another person as well as himself, and while he would use Liz’s money for Agnes’ schooling given that it was explicitly stated in the will, he wanted to save as much of the money for Agnes to use later on.
He also had to admit, he enjoyed buying things for her.

The moving had finished yesterday, so today he was going grocery shopping with Agnes. The food he had would probably not appeal to a 12 year old.
With Agnes immediately commandeering the trolley, Ressler pulled up the long list she'd typed out on his phone as he'd driven. She'd meant to just be scribing what he'd been saying, but glancing over it, forced his smile down and instead raised an eyebrow. Written between milk and cheese were two different flavours of icecream.
“Rocky road and chocolate, huh?”

Agnes looked up at him with wide, overly innocent eyes.
“I love rocky road but I don't think you do, so obviously we have to get your favourite too.”

“Thanks for thinking of me,” he muttered before turning to get a bunch of bananas.
Agnes’ grin greeted him as he turned back to put them in the trolley, and shaking his head, he turned to get more fruits.
They continued making their way down the list, knowing Agnes would make headway in a debate team as she tried to argue buying chips. Unluckily for her however, he'd had decades of convincing unwilling suspects to talk, so they settled on a pack of flavoured almonds instead.

The cart started filling up as they continued their way down the aisles, confirming for him that the very basic food he had for himself at home would certainly not be enough for Agnes as well. As he was thinking he should set up some sort of weekly shopping schedule, the sudden cold told him they were in the freezer section. Agnes conveniently stopped the trolley right in front of the ice cream.
He raised an eyebrow and it seemed that it was suddenly time to check over everything they'd bought so far.
Shaking his head, Ressler opened the door and put a tub of rocky road ice cream into the trolley.
“Okay, let's go,” he said, walking forward.

“Wait, Ress!” He turned around. “What about your ice cream?”

He smiled at her concern, but answered, “I don't need ice cream, Agnes.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, clearly very concerned.

“Yeah,” he reassured. “I hardly ever eat it.”
He couldn't help his laughter at the horror on his face, but they resumed their shopping.

As they waited in line to get to the cashier, Ressler asked her what kind of food she took to school, but though she replied, her energy level seemed to go down. He frowned slightly, then realised it was fair, after all, they'd spent all of yesterday moving which was tiring business, and she'd told him this morning that it took her some time to fall asleep in new places. As he greeted the cashier, he tried to make it as quick as possible so Agnes could go home and rest. She still helped him carry all the bags and put them in the back of his car, but when they sat in, she slumped in her seat.
Ressler frowned as he started the engine. Was it just tiredness?
He didn't comment though as they drove off, he was probably just overreacting on every tiny thing now that she was officially under his care.
“How about I make grilled chicken for dinner?” he asked as they stopped at some lights.

“Yeah okay,” was her half hearted response, looking out the window instead of at him. He frowned, studying her, but quickly looked back onto the road as the lights turned green.
She could definitely just be tired, but he had a feeling it was more than that.
He said nothing else the rest of the way home, happy to have no conversation as she wanted, the radio stopping the ride from being in silence.
He pondered what could've caused her mood shift, but it didn't take him long. Sure moving was tiring, but the reason why she was moving would no doubt weigh a lot heavier. Not that he was now her guardian, but the reason why she needed one in the first place.
He was sure that that was the reason, but he had no idea what he could do to help.

They pulled up to his house, and she helped him carry bags, now completely quiet and drawn in on herself. He spent the walk from the car to the kitchen trying to figure out what to do or what to say, but the moment she'd put her bags down, she mumbled, “I'm going to my room,” before immediately taking off.
Ressler stared after her, feeling hopeless and useless.
What was he meant to do?
He didn't know how to console a fully grown adult, let alone a child mourning her mother.
He knew he couldn't leave it alone, though.

Taking a deep breath, he left his keys on the bench and walked to her room, taking another before he knocked lightly on her room door.
“Can I come in?”
There was silence for a few long seconds, and Ressler debated if he should go in anyway, when he heard a faint murmur.
Taking it as a yes, he slowly opened the door, seeing Agnes sitting on her bed, back against the wall, arms hugging her knees.
His heart clenched at the sight.
"Anything I can do to help?" he gently asked. A parent would instinctively know what to do in this situation, but given that he most certainly was not, he had no choice but to ask.
She shook her head, so he added, "okay. When you feel up for it, come and join me again."
She nodded and he walked out, closing the door behind him. Walking back into the living room, Ressler let out a breath as he slumped onto the couch. He didn't know if he'd handled that right, but he'd just treated her like he'd want to be treated, afterall, he certainly wouldn't want someone pestering him while he was clearly in a mood.

He made himself stand back up, moving back into the kitchen to methodically put all the groceries away. After finishing, he felt like collapsing onto his bed, Agnes' grief somehow making him feel like all his energy had been drained, but he wanted to be in the living room in case she needed anything. Instead, he collapsed back onto the couch, turning the TV on and landing on a random home renovation show. He honestly couldn't care any less about it, but it was better than being depressed by the news that had initially come on.
He kept the volume low just in case Agnes needed anything, but for the next half hour or so, he watched a couple make ugly design choices that they were somehow convinced was high art.

He suddenly heard Agnes' door open, and looked up as she came back into the room, saying nothing but slumping into the couch next to him, looking blankly at the TV.
Figuring it was the correct thing to say, he gently asked, "do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head.
"I miss my mom. We can't do anything about that."

"No we can't," he sadly agreed.
They sat silently for a few moments before, realising he could try and make her feel better, stood up. She finally looked away from the TV and up at him with a questioning look.
Gesturing for her to wait, he went to the kitchen, grabbed two spoons and the tub of ice cream they'd just bought, before returning back to her.
Holding the items up, he asked, "will I be a horrible guardian if I let us have ice cream for dinner?"
She gave him a reluctant smile, Ressler glad to see it.
He handed her the remote as he sat back down, and while taking the lid off, said, "choose a movie."

She did, eventually landing on Ratatouille. Though he'd never seen it, he knew the basic plot, so as he handed her a spoon, said, "sure the rat is the hero in this movie, but if I see one in this house, I'm going to scream and get it out of here instead of asking it to cook."
Agnes burst into laughter, shaking her head, and the two of them sank more comfortably into the couch, watching the movie and eating ice cream.

Chapter Text

A few days into Agnes living with him, and everything was running smoothly. Of course, it was hard for it not to be when Agnes was not the energetic child that he knew she could be. Though she was doing better than when she'd first moved in, he knew how boisterous she could be, but Ressler didn't blame her for it after all that she'd been through.

Initially, he had been worried that her mood was due to regret at choosing to live with him, she’d erased that fear when she’d come and silently sat on the couch next to him five minutes ago. She’d been particularly quiet today, and as she’d been heading to her room after lunch, he’d told her, “I know that there’s probably nothing that I can actually do that would help, but just remember, I’m always here.”

Since she’d plopped down next to him, she’d said nothing, but there was a sense of what could almost be described as calm, as they both watched the soccer game playing on the TV together.
It was only almost 20 minutes later that Agnes finally spoke, saying ‘Ress’ with a slight wariness in her tone.

“Yeah?” he asked, concerned, but trying not to show it.

“You don’t have any pictures of mom.”

Oh.
That was what she was wary about asking.
“No, I don’t,” he answered, given it was clear to see the answer looking around the room. He wasn’t big on displaying pictures in the first place, a fact that he was glad of so he didn’t have to move any after Liz had gone. His phone was a different story. There were endless photos of her there, starting with the first one they’d taken together, the first time they celebrated her birthday with Wing Yee’s, and including one’s of him, Liz and Agnes together. He knew some people would put out those photos so they could remember, but he just couldn’t. It hurt too much. But he couldn’t delete them either, instead moving them all to a folder on his phone that he never opened anymore.

“Why not,” Agnes gently interrupted his thoughts.
She was the opposite of him. The few times he’d been in her room, there’d been frames of her and Liz everywhere.

“It’s because I…” How could he put his jumble of thoughts and tsunami of emotions into words? “It’s because I miss her.”

“Well,” she gently said, as if she didn’t quite understand but was trying to. “That's why you would have photos of her.”

He didn't instantly reply.
Agnes was right, he knew that, yet he just couldn’t bring himself to put any out. She’d lost Liz as well, so opting for the truth, he stared up at the ceiling as he quietly admitted to the twelve year old girl, “I don’t think I’d be able to see her face everyday, knowing that she won’t come back.”

Silence fell in the house, deep and painful. Ressler knew that he probably should’ve softened his words, but, unfortunately, Agnes was all too familiar with the pain and it’d feel disrespectful if he’d tried to brush that aside.

Proving his point right, Agnes quietly said, in a slightly choked up voice, “I know how you feel, Ress.” He nodded, he knew she did, but she added, “but I love mom, and even though I know she’s not coming back and yeah, sometimes that makes it hard to see photos of her, seeing her happy face makes me happy.”
Life’s cruel circumstances had made this young girl too wise for her age.
In a whisper, just barely audible, she added, “I don’t want to forget her face.”

As painful as it would be to see her smiling face every day, Ressler suddenly realised it’d hurt a lot more if one day it suddenly hit him that he’d forgotten the features of her face, which is why he replied, “okay.” He felt her turn to look at him. “Let’s put some photos of her up.”
He turned to look at her, seeing eyes which had brightened up at his words, and although subdued, Ressler saw the warm, energetic girl he knew.
It'd be okay he reassured himself.

Chapter Text

It was three weeks after Agnes had moved in, and as they’d all agreed, it was now her first day at school.
Agnes hadn't been since Liz passed, so he could choose the school that worked best for her living with him.
They'd sat down with Cooper and Charlene, going through the extensive list Aram had created of the schools in the area, reading the pros and cons he'd given for each.
In the end, they'd chosen one of the higher rated schools which was only a few minutes detour from his route to the post office.

"Excited?" he asked while placing the eggs he’d made for them both onto the table.

"Excited and nervous," she answered while piling eggs onto her toast.

Ressler nodded, and after taking a bite of his own breakfast, said, “I know you’re starting in term two so all the other kids will probably know each other already, but I have no doubt you’ll make friends fast.”

Agnes smiled, and after swallowing her bite, said, “yeah, I’ve been the new kid at so many schools, so it’s pretty lucky I’m like mom and can make friends wherever I go.”

Ressler chuckled, that was true enough. He lifted his cup of coffee to take a sip, but suddenly, completely out of the blue, it felt like he couldn’t breathe.
Liz should’ve been here.
All three of them should’ve been sitting at the table, eating breakfast, talking about Agnes’ first day, Liz telling the importance of creating a good first impression, him quickly butting in about how horribly her first day had gone at the FBI, and everyone having a good laugh about it, then rushing out the door because they were running late for this first day.
Liz should’ve been here.

“Ress?”

He quickly plastered a smile on his face though it was the last thing he felt like doing. For Agnes, he would do it. She was happy and excited about going to school, and there was no way he could take that away from her with his grief, even though he now couldn’t muster up a single drop of genuine excitement that she deserved.

“Just realised I was about to take a big sip of my still very hot coffee,” he said with a casualness and ease that felt like it was squeezing the life out of him, and walking over to the sink so he didn’t have to keep face in a smile, continued in an upbeat tone that he hated, “so the principal is taking you to meet your class, right?”
He turned around to see her reaction, plastering the most realistic smile he could onto his face, even though he was fighting his instincts to do it.

Clearly reassured by it, Agnes answered, “yup. It’ll be a bit scary to walk in and have the whole class looking at me, but I think it’ll be okay.”

“I know you will,” he answered truthfully. She was here, nervous yes, but excited about going to school. Compare that to him, barely able to keep himself together.
Seeing that Agnes had finished her food, he poured out his coffee into the sink, he knew he wasn’t going to drink it. “Okay, grab your bag and let’s go.”

“We’ll be a bit early, I think.”

“Important on a first day,” he instantly replied.
He couldn’t keep up the facade for much longer.

“Yeah, fair enough,” she replied with a shrug, before putting her dishes in the sink and rushing off to her room. He didn’t even care to deal with their dirty dishes, he just needed to leave now, so he could drop Agnes and be alone. He knew he should feel bad about it, but he just needed to be alone before he exploded with the effort of pretending to be okay.

Forcing himself to go through the motions, he grabbed the sandwiches he’d made, putting one into his bag and the other into Agnes’ lunchbox which he handed to her as she came out with her bag. She put her shoes on, he did the same, and making sure that his fake smile was still in place, opened the door to head out. Instead of immediately following him though, Agnes turned to look at the photo on the wall they’d printed out two weeks ago; her, him and Liz sitting around a table in the sun, ice creams in their hands, smiles on their faces. One grew on Agnes’ face looking at it, as if she were drawing strength from it, but Ressler turned to the door instead. It only etched the pain deeper into him.

“Ready to go?” he asked, forcing his voice to come out steady.

She kept her eyes on the photo a second more, Ressler fighting the part of his mind telling him to just leave anyway, when she nodded then turned around.
“Yup! Let’s go.”

He plastered the smile back on his face while locking the door, and after they both got in the car, he asked her what things he was looking forward to. He wasn’t proud to admit that it was just so she would have to do most of the talking, but he just knew that Agnes was perceptive enough, that if he had to talk for a while and feign excitement and interest, it wouldn’t escape her notice.
Thankfully, she excitedly listed all the things she was looking forward to and the things that she wanted to try. He only needed to make sounds of agreement or encouragement while forcing his mind to concentrate on the road, giving it something to focus on that was emotionless. He needed it, at least while he wasn’t alone.
They got there and he pulled into the drop-off zone.
He knew he should park properly and go in with her and meet the principal but there was just no way he could manage it without absolutely crumbling. He knew he should feel guilty about it, but right now, as bad as it sounded, he could only think about himself, about making sure he stayed standing.
“We have a big case at work,” he lied. “So I can’t meet Principal Jones with you, but I’ll watch to make sure you get in okay.”

“Worried I’m going to run away?” she asked with a cheeky grin that was so similar to her mother’s that he felt like he couldn’t breathe.
He clutched the door handle in hopes to anchor himself, then shook his head, hoping it came across as amused at her response.
He needed air.
He threw the door open and stepped out, Agnes taking it as her cue to do the same, and while his back was turned to her, he forced himself to take deep breaths in and then out.
Just a little bit longer to pretend you’re okay he tried to reassure himself. You have to, for Agnes.
She walked around to his side, and dragging that smile back onto his face, said, “have a good first day, okay?”

She nodded, then threw her arms around him and he forced his arms to move to do the same, struggling to breathe. He just wanted to collapse, he didn’t want to be the only one that Agnes could hug, he didn’t want to be the only one here dropping her off, he didn’t want -
“See you in the afternoon, Ress.”

He quickly plastered his smile back on his face as she pulled away.
“Yup, have fun, Agnes.”

“I’ll try!” she replied with an enthusiastic smile, walking into the building with a spring in her step.

He watched her go in, watched her climb the few steps, plastered the smile back on his face the moment he saw her starting to turn, waved back in return, and watched as she opened the door, walked inside, and disappeared from sight a few steps later.
He felt like he couldn’t breathe.
His chest felt too tight.
He wasn’t getting enough air into his body.

Liz should’ve been here.

He got back into his car, needing large gulping breaths, but only taking tiny little ones. It was all his body could seem to do right now.

Liz should’ve been here.

Because it’d worked so well for him last time, he focused on the road, but this time he had no need for a fake smile and no need to feign interest.
He was merging back onto the road so he turned his indicator on and checked his blind spot before doing so.
He forced himself to try and take a deep breath.
He was coming up to an intersection but it was his green light so he could go.
Another deep breath.
An upcoming yellow light, but he didn’t have the patience to wait peacefully for his turn again, so he sped through it.
Another breath.
He was turning, so indicator on and checking for no oncoming vehicles before making the turn.
In.
Another yellow light that he wasn’t going to try and see go red.
Out.
He recounted every move he made, as if he were sitting a drivers test, needing his mind to be on something painless, and once the pain of his thoughts started bubbling through, he instead started saying the rules and regulations out loud, explaining to absolutely no one what he was doing and what road rule it followed.

He reached the post office, continuing reciting his actions, in his head though, as if writing the world’s most boring story.
I am walking to the elevator.
I am waiting for the elevator to go to the ground floor.
I am walking to my office.
The moment he was in, he closed the curtains, sat down in his chair, and grabbed his growing pile of paperwork.
Today was a slow day and Ressler was beyond grateful for it.
He was in no mood to talk to anyone.
With all the running around, interviews and car chases they did, there was also a lot of paperwork involved, and today was one of those days where he had a lot to go through.

Shutting himself in the office, he was grateful that Aram, who he shared the space with, was out at the moment.
Even though she hadn't worked at the task force in recent times, after Liz passed, he hadn't wanted to share the office with anyone because no matter who came in there, it was always going to be his and Liz's office. He could tell Cooper wanted to bring it up but wasn't sure how, and Ressler had been in no mood to make things easier for him.
In the end, Aram had gently asked if he could take the other desk. As much as Ressler had wanted to be by himself, he knew it was unfair to reserve the desk for a memory of someone, and Aram was definitely the only person who would acknowledge that and who Ressler could bear to sit at Liz's place, so he'd said yes.
Besides, though he'd never admit it to Aram, it was endearing how excited he'd been at finally having an office space instead of being on the main floor.

He worked for the whole day, shut up in his office, replying with one word answers to whoever poked in with questions, sending a very obvious hint he was in no mood.
As the day went on, less and less people came in until, around 2:30, the door opened and an irritatingly cheerful Aram burst in with a bright, "hi," and immediately after, "did you miss me?"

Not having the energy to muster up energy to respond, Ressler made some sort of noise as he kept his head down, working mechanically on the paperwork.

There was silence.
"Ressler?" Aram gently asked.

He had no idea what to tell Aram. He didn’t know if he could.
He’d locked himself into the office for a reason, he couldn’t deal with anyone right now.
“I need you to pick Agnes.”

"But it’s her first day!" Aram cried. "You should go pick her!"

Ressler put his pen down, staring blankly at the paper in front of him.
He should.
He really should.
"I can't Aram," he said, not explaining any further, but Aram, the empathetic friend that he was, immediately understood.

"Okay," he simply said, opening his drawer to fish out his keys. "I'll come up with a plausible reason you can't pick her," and lightly patting his back as he walked out the room, left to go pick Agnes.
Aram could be annoying at times, sure, but Ressler had never loved his friend more.

That burden off of his back, Ressler slumped his head into his hands.
He didn't want to do this.
Not the whole Agnes and her new school part, but the fact that he was doing it alone.
He wanted to do all of this, but with Liz, and not because he had no other choice because Liz was dead.

His phone buzzed, dragging him out from his thoughts, and he reluctantly looked at the screen.
Will tell Agnes you’re working on case only u can deal wth.
Ressler slumped in relief. At least that was handled.
He picked up the pen he’d been using before Aram barged in, but instead of resuming working on the files, just stared at them.
Nope.
He pushed aside his stack of papers, grabbed his keys, and left his office.
He didn't want to be here, and quite fucking frankly, he didn't have to be.
This place wasn't going to collapse if he wasn't here, Cooper would actually be pleased if he took some time off, and Aram had Agnes handled. It meant he could be how he needed to: alone.
As he strode to his car, he knew the one place where there weren't a lot of people, and even if there were, they certainly wouldn't bother him.

Twenty minutes later, he pulled up into the cemetery where they'd buried Liz.
He hadn't been here since the funeral.
Climbing out, he shut the door behind him with shaky hands, and retraced the steps he’d taken that day. His steps faltered as he saw it ahead, sun warming the light coloured stone, flowers brightening it up, but nothing could take away the coldness in his heart as he read the words etched onto it.
Elizabeth Keen
1985 - 2021
Beloved mother, fierce protector
It was not just his hands which were shaking now, and he struggled to take the few more steps needed to be right next to it. His eyes were fixed to the words. She was a beloved mother, he didn’t have to know Agnes well to know that, and she was most definitely a fierce protector. Everything she’d done, as deplorable as some of those actions may have been, it was to protect someone; her daughter, her sister, him.
He didn't know if that was all Liz had requested on her headstone, or something the Cooper’s had chosen for her, but quite honestly he didn't care enough to ask.
All that mattered was that he was here, standing at Liz's headstone, and that it was real.
A part of him expected, or more likely hoped, that she would pop up from behind a tree, smiling at seeing him there but the apology clear in her eyes. He would yell and scream at her, of course, but would wrap her in a hug and never let go.
But no.
That wasn't going to happen.
He'd been there as she died, the blood rushing out from her too fast for him to do anything.
He'd seen her die.
He slumped onto the ground, leaning his side against the stone. It was warmed up from being outside on a bright day, and he leaned his head against it, feeling the grass against his fingertips, the breeze against his body, the rays of sun against his closed eyes.
He stayed as he was, focused on the feelings against his body, not the ones inside, and, somehow, felt himself relax.

He didn't know how long he sat there, certainly not asleep, but not fully aware of his surroundings, lost in his memories of Liz, but slowly, second after second, minute after minute, the grief that had been suffocating him during the day loosened its hold, draining into the soil he was sitting on.
She was helping even though she’d gone.
As he walked back to his car, he checked the time.
Two hours had passed.
Now that his sorrows had eased slightly, as he drove back home, he felt the guilt set in. Today had been a huge day for Agnes but in his grief he'd practically left her to deal with it herself. Sure Aram was with her, but Aram wasn't her guardian. He was. He didn't know if Agnes would forgive him, hell, he didn't know if he could forgive himself.

As he was driving back, feeling lighter with his memories of Liz but guilty about his abandoning of Agnes, he saw a cakery and impulsively turned into the carpark. Getting out, he was glad to see that even though evening was beginning, he still had a couple of hours before it closed.
He certainly wasn't trying to bribe Agnes, but even though he hadn't been able to help it, he knew he'd acted badly and this was an apology.

A bell chimed as he walked in, and as he started looking through the displays, a woman greeted him with a smile.
“What are you looking for?” the woman brightly asked.

“I’m looking for a cake. Just a small one.”

“Any special occasion?”

"It was my… -" what should he call her? "- my child's first day at a new school today," not meaning child like the woman probably thought, but given that Agnes was a child under his care, he figured it fit.
"It was a pretty tough year for her," he continued with the understatement of the year. "So I thought it'd be nice to celebrate a bit."

"Oh that's lovely," the woman gushed. "Definitely father of the year."
Ressler awkwardly chuckled, knowing it'd be too long to explain the truth, but feeling quite uncomfortable with the title.
Making an effort to keep conversation to a minimum, he chose the chocolate cake, knowing it was Agnes' favourite.

Arriving home, he unlocked the door to see Aram sitting at the table, but more importantly, a disappointed Agnes.
"Sorry Ags," he said, the nickname just slipping out. "I should've told you that I couldn't pick you up and I promise it won't happen again."
She studied him silently for a moment before nodding, the disappointment leaving her face.
Thank god.
"Have you guys had dinner?" he asked as he set the bag onto the kitchen counter.

"Yup! Me and Uncle Aram had pizza!" and as Ressler turned to him, Aram put his hands up and said, "I know it's not the healthiest but today called for a celebration!"

Ressler shook his head but smiled.
"Well, I guess the celebration will continue because -” he took the box out of the bag "- I've got chocolate cake."
Agnes' eyes lit up, and he was suddenly very glad for the impulsive decision he'd made.

Chuckling as he picked up his jacket, Aram said, "well that's my cue to go, otherwise there'll be no cake left for the two of you."

Ressler couldn’t help his smile as Agnes launched onto Aram with a joyous hug, thanking him for today, and Aram's smile was wide as he hugged her back.
Ressler obviously knew that Aram was a hugger, but the person who'd liked his hugs the most had been Liz, and Ressler knew it bought Aram some comfort that her daughter was the same.

Walking closer to him, Aram put a light hand on his shoulder. "I know we're not Liz," he said. "But you're not in this alone. Even if you wanted to be, we won't let you."

Ressler let out a light chuckle, and giving into yet another impulsive decision, pulled Aram in for a quick but tight hug, one the other man fiercely returned. As they moved away, Aram said, "damn. I need to give you heartfelt advice and words of comfort more often!"

"Please don't," Ressler immediately replied, earning a loud laugh from Aram as he picked his bag off of the couch.

“Okay, see you both later!” Aram said with a cheery wave, and as the door closed behind him, Agnes turned to him with a grin.
“Can we eat the cake now?”

He chuckled.
“Yup. How about you go get two spoons and I’ll unbox the cake.”

She got a high-pitched ‘yay!’ before racing into the kitchen and Ressler shook his head, feeling much lighter, as he brought the box over to the table. Agnes was already sitting, spoon in hand, by the time he took the cake out of the box, and passed him a spoon as he sat down.
They both put their spoons to the cake, but before they could take a bite, Ressler said, "I know I should've picked you up from school today, and I'm really sorry that I couldn't." She gave him a small smile, accepting his apology. "When I can't in the future," he continued. "I promise to call or text you to let you know."

"Deal," she nodded, and after they took a few bites of the quite delicious cake, he asked, “so how was your first day?”

Chapter Text

Ressler sat, sprawled on the couch, enjoying the silence of the house.
Aram had wanted to take Agnes to her ballet lesson, so he was currently alone, and while he didn't hate the constant noise and movement that Agnes had, it did take some getting used to after living alone for so long.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed, and he looked at the notification with a huff of laughter. At his mom's insistence, they'd created a family messenger chat, though she was the one who'd start occasional conversation and he and Robbie would simply reply.
She'd sent a selfie with a pear tree in her yard, taken at the unflattering angle all parents seemed to favour, showcasing the first fruit of the season.

Ressler was about to reply, when he suddenly realised.
They had no idea about Agnes.

Shit.

Sure he wasn't an open person, but this was a life update he definitely had to share. He somewhat reluctantly realised that if he'd kept in touch and talked with his mom more he wouldn't have to say everything at once, she'd already be up to speed.
But, this was a conversation that needed to be had, so he dialled his mother's number.

"Donnie!" his mom answered. "Did you see the photo I just sent?"

He held back his laughter.
"Yeah, that pear looks great."
She spent the next minute detailing how she'd kept the tree healthy, and when she finished, he said, "sounds good mom," then added, "I actually called because I wanted to update you on something that's happening in my life."

"What is it?" his mother cheerfully asked.

"I'm now a guardian to a 12 yr old girl."

"Oh," she replied, Ressler hearing the confusion in it. "So you have to help her out at school or with her living situation?"

Ressler shook his head.
"No. I'm her legal guardian. She lives with me, I drop her to school, pick her up, we have dinner together and spend the weekends together."

"So you're her parent?"

He closed his eyes as he sagged against the couch, an image of a smiling Liz appearing in his mind.
"I'm not her parent, mom. I could never be."

Clearly picking up on something in his voice, she gently asked, "how did you come to be her guardian?"
So he told his mom, as much as he could about everything that had happened, feeling a few tears run down his face at some parts and hearing his mother sniffling at them as well.

When he was finally done, his throat feeling slightly raspy from exertion, his mother softly said, "I know this has probably been said to you to the point of annoyance, but I really am sorry about Elizabeth, dear." Ressler nodded, feeling more tears well up. "I only met her for a short time," she continued. "when the two of you came to help Robbie, but even from that I could tell what a genuinely warm and lovely person she was."

Throat choked up, he slightly hoarsely got out, "thanks mom."

"Of course," she softly replied, and after a pause, added, "so Agnes chose you to take care of her, huh?"

Of course his mother went right to the heart of the matter, and softly, he admitted to her, "that's the scariest part of it all. She chose me, and yes that means more than I could put into words, but I don't know what I'm doing. I'm trying, but what about when I undoubtedly do things wrong? What then?"

There was a pause over the line, presumably his mother thinking about her words carefully. Eventually she said, "this little girl, who's been through too much already, deserves your best, Donnie, and I have no doubt that that's what you're giving her. You can't do any more than that."

Head against the back of the couch, Ressler let out a slow breath, letting her words sink in. After a moment, he softly replied, "thank you. I think… I think that that's exactly what I needed to hear right now."

"It's the truth," she gently replied.
They sat in silence for a few moments, both lost in their own thoughts, but when the mood seemed to shift slightly, his mom asked, "can we meet her soon?"

"I'll ask her," he replied. "But please don't be offended if she says no," he added, grateful when his mom replied 'of course'.
Obviously Agnes was going through a lot right now, and though he'd want her to get familiar with his family, if she even had the slightest bit of hesitation in wanting to meet them, there was no way he was going to force her.

"If she does agree to it," his mother continued. "Robbie and I can drive up and -"

"She likes travelling," Ressler suddenly said, realising that this could be a good opportunity. "I know Detroit isn't that glamorous but I'm sure she'll enjoy the road trip."

"Okay, sounds good. Let me know what she says, yes or no."

"Okay, will do."

He was about to say his goodbyes, when his mother added in a warm voice, "I know, given how you've been suddenly thrust into this situation, that you're unsure of yourself, but I can promise you that you're just what that girl needs."

Ressler felt his throat grow tight, but through it, he replied, "thanks mom."

"Of course," she said, sounding slightly emotional herself. "Call if you need anything, no matter how small."

“Will do.”
He hung up, feeling reassured. The timing was perfect, and he stood up as Agnes let herself and Aram in with her key.

“Hey Ress!” she happily greeted with a hug.

Returning it, he asked them both, “how was class?”

“Ballet is crazy?” Aram replied in a slightly bewildered tone, earning a bright laugh from Agnes. “Like I knew it was, but actually seeing it in person, but also you guys are so young and already doing all these crazy things?”

Going into the kitchen, knowing Agnes was always hungry after classes, he replied, “well it's actually easier to do crazy things when you're young. You're more flexible and you heal faster.”

As he grabbed the sandwich he'd made before sitting on the couch, he heard Agnes say, “Ress used to do ballet too, remember?”

He walked back out to a wide eyed Aram.
“I completely forgot.
Ressler laughed, as he handed the sandwich to the appreciative Agnes, but before he could reply Aram added, “how does this not come up more often? If I could do ballet I'd be telling everyone.”

Giving Agnes a look when she mumbled ‘maybe I should do that’ he replied, “ballet is a skill you will lose very quickly if you do not practise, and I haven't practised in decades.”

“Fair enough,” Aram conceded with his words, though given the look on his face, Ressler mentally prepared himself to see some nonsense like his face photoshopped onto a ballerina's face when he went to work next.
“Well, I'm off then,” was all the other man said though, and Agnes launched onto him with a hug thanking him.
Aram’s warm smile almost overtook his face as he hugged her back.

“Thanks Aram,” Ressler said when they were done, giving him a slap on the back.

“Anytime,” was the automatic reply, Ressler knowing he meant it.

After he walked out, Agnes turned to him with a grin.
“I love Uncle Aram coming with me because he’s always so amazed by all the moves. Like a cheerleader,” she laughed and he did as well, knowing Aram himself would be the first person to agree with him.

Both he and Agnes were lucky to have Aram in their lives. He was always the first one to cheer at your accomplishments.
“Yeah,” Ressler smiled. “He’s good like that.”

“Definitely,” Agnes replied with a smile, before going to the kitchen to put her now empty plate away.
When she came back out a few seconds later, he told her, “I was talking with my mum while you were at class, and, if you're okay with it, she'd like to meet you.”
Agnes looked at him, surprised. There was no other reaction.
“Theres no pressure from my end,” Ressler hurriedly reassured. “Only if you'd like to meet her, then we can.”

For a moment Agnes didn’t react, a sinking feeling starting in Ressler’s stomach, but it disappeared the moment a slow, soft smile grew on her face.
“Yeah, I’d like to meet her.”

Ressler smiled warmly at her, and now that Agnes was happy with that, he asked, “I know it's not Paris, but do you want to take a road trip down to Detroit?"

A large grin broke across Agnes’ face.
“Yeah that'll be fun!”

He smiled, and impulsively, he asked, “how about we take a day off school and work tomorrow, so we spend Friday and Saturday there, and come back Sunday.”
Excited squeals were her answer, and quickly and violently launching onto him with a hug, she rushed off to pack before he could even hug her back.
He chuckled as he pulled out his phone, and walking to do his own packing, texted his mom is it too soon if we come tomorrow?
He dropped it onto his bed as he pulled out his duffle bag out of the closet. He was pro at this point for packing for last minute trips, so he was done in no time, and just before going to see if Agnes needed any help, turned to his phone as it buzzed.
Of course not! I can't wait!
Laughing at the obvious enthusiasm coming at him through the phone, he was just about to reply when his mom added You'll stay the weekend, right?

That's the plan he texted back. We'll leave Sunday morning so we have enough time to get ready for school the next day

Sounds perfect! came the immediate reply.

After making sure everything had been packed and having an easy dinner, he and Agnes went to sleep soon after, deciding leaving early in the morning was best.
Though Agnes had agreed to it, it was still a struggle to wake her up the next morning while it was still dark outside, and the moment she got in the car, she’d curled up and fallen back asleep. Ressler chuckled to himself but didn’t mind in the slightest. There was a calmness not only around him, but in him, as he drove the usually busy roads, Agnes peacefully asleep, and seeing the sun slowly rising as he drove out of the city.

The seven hour drive was made with singing along to songs Agnes chose, her laughing at how horrible he was, stops for food and toilets, naps for Agnes, and working on her social sciences project.
He hadn't been sure how it would go, he'd certainly never done a road trip with a child before, but he was pleasantly surprised to find that not only was Agnes enjoying herself, he was too.

He woke her up from another nap once they entered Detroit, and though it took some time for the sleepiness to wear off, she was happily listening to his anecdotes and was excited to meet his mother.
As they pulled up into the driveway, his mother was already standing there, and Ressler couldn't help but smile at seeing her excitement.
Agnes was also smiling, but it was more polite than exuberant, Ressler knowing that some nerves were kicking in.
Let's go,” he smiled at Agnes, and as they got out of the car he called out, “Hey mom.”

“Hello!” his mom called back, but it was only when they were in front of her that he introduced Agnes.
Remembering when she'd first met Rose, Ressler put his hand on her back to reassure her as he introduced, “Agnes, this is my mom. Mom, Liz's daughter, Agnes.”

“Hi darling,” his mother greeted, warm, but not exuberant, and as Agnes smiled back, she added, “I’m so sorry about your mom.”
Somberness overcame Agnes’ face, and as she murmured a ‘thank you’, Ressler rubbed circles into her back.
“Come here,” his mom added softly, opening her arms, and Agnes stepped away from him into the tight embrace.
They didn't immediately let go.
Resslers felt himself tearing up.
The warmth and comfort one gained from motherly affection always hit differently, and Ressler had no doubt Agnes was feeling it more.

Movement from inside the house caught his eye, and looking up, Ressler was slightly surprised to see Robbie. His brother gave him a nod of hello, clearly not wanting to interrupt the moment that was happening, and he nodded back.

It was a few moments later when they finally let go, and Agnes turned to him with a sad smile, tears in her eyes. He automatically stepped next to her, putting his hand on her back to reassure her that he was here with her.
“I'm okay,” she whispered, but stayed pressed against his side.

He nodded, and after giving her a second to collect herself, pointed at Robbie who’d come to stand next to mom.
“Agnes, this is my brother, Robbie.”

“Hey Agnes,” his brother greeted, holding his hand out.

Looking surprised but pleased at being offered a handshake, she shook it while saying, “nice to meet you.”

A subdued smile on his face, Robbie added, “Your mother was an amazing woman.”

“You’ve met her?”

“Yeah, once,” and with a small smile, added, “got me out of a lot of trouble.”

“Yeah,” Agnes let out in a little chuckle, eyes still watery. “She was good at that.”
That was an annoying trait of Liz's. She didn't care how much trouble she'd be in as long as those she loved weren't in it.
There was a pause, everyone in their own thoughts for a moment, before Agnes looked between him and Robbie/
“You guys don’t really look like brothers.”

“Because I got the looks in the family.”
“Because I'm the good looking one.”

Agnes and his mom burst into laughter while he and Rob scowled at each other, and shaking her head while ushering Agnes inside, his mom simply admonished, “boys.”
Agnes giggled as she walked away, but given that the heavy mood had been alleviated, he didn’t mind being laughed at.

“Robbie,” he greeted with a hug, a lingering smile still on his brother's face. “Mom didn’t say you’d be here too.”

“Want me to leave then?” Robbie joked as they stepped back from each other.

“Eh, I think I can manage.”

They both grinned at each other, but it faded off his brother’s face as he said, “mom told me what happened. I’m sorry, Donnie.”
Ressler nodded his thanks.
“I meant it when I said she was amazing.”

“She definitely was.”

He had told Robbie that Liz had helped make the problem go away and nothing more. His brother hadn't asked for any more information then, but clearly curiosity had been building up, and he asked, “how did she do it?”

Ressler shook his head.
“I'm not telling you,” he immediately replied, seeing that Robbie caught on that it wasn't entirely legal. “But it was quite honestly one of the riskiest and most dangerous things she's done, which,” he added with a huff of laughter. “If you knew her, you'd know that that's saying a lot.”

Robbie studied him for a second before quietly saying, “she must've really cared about you, huh?”

She must have, even then, but if he said that or even thought about it too long, he had a feeling he’d burst into tears, so all he said was, “we weren’t together then.”

Robbie huffed out laughter.
“That's not what I asked.”

Ressler managed a laugh of his own.
“Yeah,” he simply said. “Yeah she did.”

His brother patted his back as they walked into the house, seeing his mother already pouring out juice for everyone.

“How was the trip down?” his mother asked while handing Agnes a glass, who took it with a polite thank you Mrs Ressler.

“It was good,” Ressler added, also accepting a glass. “We had some food stops, got some homework done and played some trivia games. Though,” Ressler added with a grin. “Agnes would be a horrible co-pilot. She kept falling asleep on me.”

“I was so you wouldn't be tempted to sing,” she shot back causing large guffaws of laughter from his brother, more reserved ones from his mother, and a look of outrage from him.

“He is quite bad isn't he?” Rob asked Agnes, getting a vigorous nod back.

“Okay then,” Ressler said. “I can tell when I’m not wanted here.”
They all had a good chuckle at his expense, but there was warmth in his mom's eyes as she looked at him.

“I think I have some old photos of Donnie on my phone,” Robbie told Agnes, and before Ressler could react, Agnes rushed towards his brother with an excited squeal.

His mother came next to him as the other two hunched over the phone.
“She's an amazing girl, Donnie.”

He smiled warmly at his mom.
“She is, isn't she?”

“If you ever need to be away for work, Donnie, I'm always happy to come up and take care of her.”

“Thank you for the offer, but do you not think I can do it by myself?” he couldn’t help but ask.

Her stern glare cut into him the same way it did during his childhood.
“That's definitely not it, Donald. Raising a child always takes a village,” and expression softening, added, “when your dad died, there was no way that I’d have been able to raise you and your brother without my own brother and your dad’s sister.”
Ressler stood down, chastised.
Though he wasn't around home much in his youth, he remembered that his aunt and uncle were.

“Sorry,” he said, and feeling honesty with his mother was a good thing, he added, “I'm sometimes still trying to reassure myself that I can do this.”

She patted his arm with a small smile, as if she’d expected as much.
“After everything you’ve told me, after seeing this girl here, safe, healthy and happy, I absolutely know you can do it, Donnie.”
He smiled thankfully at his mother.
“But,” she added with a grin. “I'm a realistic person, and I know, whether she's biologically your daughter or not, Agnes is the only grandchild I'll ever have.” Affection bloomed in his chest and he gave his mother a warm smile. “I'm not saying she has to call me grandma,” she added. “But it does mean that I’m going to spoil her and spend a lot of time with her.”

Ressler had never been more grateful for his mother.
Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he smiled, “sounds like a plan.”
She laughed and patted his chest, and they walked towards the other two who were talking about some latest tech release.
When there was a pause in conversation, his mom asked Agnes, "I'm sure you have a phone, right darling?"
Agnes nodded, pulling said phone out of her pocket, and smiling, his mother added, "it's mostly me sending pictures and my boys with a bare minimum of conversation, but do you want to join our family chat?"

Oh wow.
That was a small gesture, but one that meant so much.
He hadn't asked his mother to offer, in fact, the thought hadn't even crossed his mind, but it meant a lot that, even though he knew she would be, his mom was so accepting and welcoming of Agnes.
Clearly feeling the same, what looked like sadness came over Agnes' expression though he knew it meant she was touched by the offer, though she hesitantly said, "if no one minds…"

"Of course we want you on it," he instantly replied in an effort to reassure her, and Robbie added, "obviously mom's fine, but it'll be nice to have someone other than my annoying little brother on there."
Ressler fake scowled at Robbie while Agnes giggled, but he wasn't really annoyed considering that he knew that Agnes' reaction had been Robbie's goal.

"That's settled then," his mother said, and she and Agnes worked together to add her to the chat. A few moments later, his phone buzzed, and he looked to see that Agnes had sent a smiley face emoji on The Resslers group chat. He felt a smile of his own spreading across his face. Though Agnes would always be Agnes Keen, this felt right too, and looking up and seeing the grin on her face, he knew for certain it was.
Smiling at Agnes, his mother said, “call if you need anything,” and turning to him, added, “both of you.”

Both of them agreed, earning a ‘good’ from his mother before she handed out tasks to everyone to set the table for lunch, and though his mother started telling Agnes embarrassing stories from his childhood, and though Robby started telling some of the more tame stories from his school days that he’d prefer Agnes not know, Ressler felt some of the weight he hadn’t realised sitting on his shoulders lift. His mother had said that it took a village to raise a child, and with his post office family and his family here, he knew Agnes was in good hands.

Chapter Text

Ressler and Agnes walked into the mall, enveloped by the hustle and bustle and the smells of the food court.
Ressler was hungry meaning that Agnes definitely was, so he thought that he should get something for the both of them before they left.
Usually he would save a trip to the mall for the weekend instead of after school, but Rose's birthday was coming soon and this was one of the free afternoons that they had.
Agnes had found a jug and glasses set with stained glass roses on it and had immediately decided it was perfect, something Ressler had to agree with, though because it was at a specific store, they’d had to forgo the mall closer to their house for this one.

"There's Fatima, Roslyn and Stacey," Agnes was enthusiastically saying, talking about the friends she'd made while walking next to him with big, exuberant movements. "Stacey is awesome and funny and she's the only one who can beat me in a race but she's kind of dumb," and when he turned to look at her in surprise while moving out of the way of an incoming couple, she quickly added, "dumb in a silly way, not a mean way."

“Still seems like kind of a mean thing to say, Ags,” he replied, though he couldn’t bring himself to truly feel annoyed given the way Agnes’ happiness seemed to radiate off of her.

“Okay dumb is probably the wrong word,” she quickly amended. “Maybe just silly then but in a fun way?” Ressler shook his head, unable to help his huff of laughter, and grinning at his reaction, Agnes said, “like the other day the four of us were talking about polar bears and then Roslyn, or was it me?” She shook her head. “Anyway, one of us mentioned that they live in the North Pole and then Stacey burst into laughter and she wouldn’t stop and the rest of us were so confused but when she finally stopped laughing and we asked her what was up, she said -” Agnes looked up at him, cutting herself off. “Wait.”
While manoeuvring herself so she was walking backwards just in front of him, she said, “I have to see your face when you hear this.”

"You're going to crash into someone, Ags," he said with a laugh.

"You won't let me," she said, holding onto his arm while continuing to walk backwards.

It was just a few simple words, but her trust in him meant the entire world to him. Feeling a slight prickle in his eyes, the result of a sudden onslaught of emotion, he instead asked, "so what did Stacey say?"

"She said," Agnes continued with a large grin on her face, "that the North Pole isn't real!"
Ressler shook his head, both at the information and at Agnes' loud laughter.
"Me, Fatima and Roslyn couldn't believe that she thought that but Stacey started laughing again and called us dumb because even though we know Santa’s not real, we believe that where he lives is a real place," and looking at him with bright, mirth filled eyes, she added, "I'm pretty sure that's the definition of ironic, right?"

Ressler laughed, about to reply, when he suddenly felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle, all of his senses going on high alert.
He moved the arm Agnes was holding to hold her hand to pull her closer, when face lighting up even more, she suddenly said, "look! It's Pinky!" looking behind him.
Who the hell was Pinky?

He spun around, instinctively pulling Agnes behind him. Sure she was happy to see whoever Pinky happened to be, but after almost two decades of being in the FBI, he trusted his instinctual reaction.
As soon as he spun around, he knew exactly who had caused Agnes' happiness and his body to tell him danger was near.
Raymond fucking Reddington.

A sudden onslaught of anger rushed through him, completely and utterly obliterating the lightness and happiness he'd been feeling just a few seconds ago.
With Reddington he knew there was no such thing as coincidence, and so he knew without a doubt that this motherfucker had sought them out.

The man in question walked closer towards them with a large smile and wave for Agnes as if he hadn't been the one to cause her mother's death a few months ago. Dembe, two steps behind him, at least had the decency to look apologetic on behalf of his murderous boss.
Agnes moved to Ressler's side in order to greet Reddington, though slightly awkwardly because he hadn't let go of her hand yet.

"Donald," the man casually greeted as soon as he was close enough.
Ressler said nothing in response.
His mind was entirely occupied with fighting the urge of every single part of his body to punch this old man in his face. Unbothered, Reddington turned to Agnes and beamed, pulling her into a side hug which she happily returned even though Ressler was still holding her hand.
He couldn't bring himself to let go.
Not when Reddington was right here.
"How have you already grown so tall?" Reddington asked with a smile as he stepped back.

Who the fuck did this piece of shit think he was?
The last time their paths had crossed, Reddington had caused Liz's death, and now here he was, acting like a sweet, doting grandmother.
He wanted to beat the shit out of this selfish old man, preferably till he stopped breathing.
Don't cause a scene, the minuscule part of his mind that was still rational warned.
Don't cause a scene. Especially in front of Agnes.
Given the situation, Ressler could not care less if everyone in the mall thought he was a monster for beating up a seemingly old man, but he would never, never, be able to live with himself if Agnes thought that of him.

Not trusting himself to speak, he kept his hand on Agnes' while listening to the two of them talk about her school, him slightly relieved to hear that she hadn't mentioned what school it was. Though, Ressler suddenly realised as his anger spiked, not only could Reddington easily find that information, he probably already had.
That piece of shit.

Ressler forced himself to stop thinking about that, afterall, he didn't want to grip Agnes’ hand so tightly it'd hurt her.

Though Dembe stood just behind, Ressler knew there was no chance in hell that Reddington would have just one man. His quick sweep of the area produced three people who he knew were Reddington's men given he remembered their faces, two more who's stances made it seem like they were, and Ressler guessed that there were probably more that he couldn't scope out in a few seconds.
He turned back to face Reddington, trying to control his seething anger.
Clearly the man thought it was dangerous enough to need an army following him around, yet he still came to visit Agnes?
Did Liz’s death not teach that piece of shit exactly how deadly his selfish actions were?
Ressler knew Reddington didn’t give a shit about anyone but himself, but he’d, clearly very wrongly, assumed that Agnes’ safety would matter to him.
What a selfish bastard.

“Donald.”
Ressler was forced to look into the eyes of the man he absolutely hated. Clearly he had finished dotting on Agnes and had, unfortunately, turned his attention into him.
"If you ever need anything," the man continued in what sounded like a genuine voice, "anything at all, let me know."

The only thing Ressler wanted from this motherfucker was for him to leave and to never come into his and Agnes’ lives again.
Or a notice of his death.
Don't cause a scene, Ressler.
He took a breath.
“We’re fine,” he managed to get out, beyond proud of himself for his civil response instead of the swearing, punching, and severe damage he wanted to cause to the man.

The man studied him silently, Ressler glad to see that he seemed to understand what he actually wanted to do.
“Okay,” he finally said with a nod, and with a final farewell for Agnes, spun around and walked away. Dembe, waiting for Reddington to go slightly in front, gave Ressler a look but he couldn't tell if it was apologetic, pitiful, or worried. Given that Ressler just wanted them to leave, he really didn't give a shit about decoding it.

He let out a breath as Reddington and Dembe left out the door, his army subtly following, but all earlier thoughts of getting food left his head. He just wanted to get the gift and get out.
He started walking towards the shop they'd come for, at a slightly faster place than usual, but realising that he was still holding onto Agnes hand, let go.

"Are you okay?" she suddenly asked, concern for him clear in her tone.

He could not bring himself to explain, so replied with forced casual, "why do you ask?"

At the silence he got in response, he looked down at the 'are you kidding me right now?' look she was giving him, reminding him too much of Liz.
"You only said like three words to Pinky and held my hand like you thought I was gonna run away or that someone was gonna try and take me."

That's exactly what he was terrified of.
Not trusting himself to talk about Pinky, he truthfully replied, "I suddenly felt like we were being watched, and not in a good way, and I didn’t really realise that I grabbed your hand to keep you close. Sorry Ags.”

“It’s okay,” she smiled, touched by his instinctual worry about her, but added, "it was just Pinky though."

Yes.
It was just the world's most dangerous, violent and selfish person. Why should he worry?

He couldn't tell Agnes his hatred of Reddington though. That would require telling her everything he'd done and there was no fucking way he'd ever burden her with that gruesome knowledge.
Finding a plausible explanation, he instead said, “I’m sure that was what caused my reaction, but I just wanted to be sure.”

“Okay,” Agnes casually said, taking his explanation in stride.
Thank god.
"So what I was saying about Stacey," Agnes continued, completely unbothered. "I promise I wasn't being mean, she’s awesome and she's so sporty too! She even does karate," Agnes added with an excited smile.

Those last words stuck to Ressler's mind.
"Do you want to do karate as well?" he suddenly asked.

"Instead of ballet?"

"No, you can do ballet as well, but I think karate is a good idea. Actually," he added before Agnes could say anything, "you should do kickboxing."
Kickboxing was more relevant in the real world than karate was.

"What's kickboxing?" Agnes asked, Ressler hearing that she was still slightly confused at the change in conversation.

“It’s like boxing, but instead of just punches you use kicks as well.”

“Okay…”
They stepped onto the escalator, and when he said nothing else, Agnes asked, “so why do you want me to do kickboxing?”

There was no way he was going to tell her the truth.

What if she got into danger, and they weren't immediately there to get her out of it?
With anyone else, that would be an unnecessary worry, but this was Agnes. Though it was unlikely and he prayed that it never ever happened, what if Liz's enemies found her, or Reddington's or the Task Force’s?
What if he wasn't immediately there?
He needed some hint of reassurance that she'd put up some fight before he could find her.
It was a morbid thought, but one he couldn’t help but have.
He could not let anything happen to Agnes.
But, he couldn’t scare her with the truth, so thinking of something that was also true, channeling Liz and her psychology ways, he said, “obviously it’s good exercise, it improves your strength, endurance and agility, but, it’s also a good outlet for your anger and frustrations.” He glanced down at her, not surprised to see her eying him back thoughtfully. He mumbled ‘careful’ as they reached the top, and after she looked down to get onto the upper level, he truthfully added, "my fight training does that for me so I'm hoping it'll do the same for you."

She thought about it for a second before replying, “yeah okay. Sure,” and chuckling, added, “also, it’ll be cool to be able to kick someone’s butt.”
Ressler faked a chuckle for Agnes’ sake, but inside her words relieved him slightly.
Though it was grim, that was exactly what he wanted.

Chapter Text

Ressler let Agnes’ punch to his side land and was pleasantly surprised that it actually hurt. She was progressing nicely. She quickly took a step back, ducking his punch which he intentionally threw higher.
Agnes’ eyebrows scrunched, and grinning, Ressler stepped forward, catching her leg before she could fully extend it with a kick, picked her up, and gently dumped her onto the couch.

She admitted defeat with a pout.

“Maybe next time,” he laughed, patting her lightly on the head before walking into the kitchen to get them both water.
He knew she felt a bit down about losing, but as he always reminded her, he had literal decades more experience than her, and though she complained, they'd both agreed he wasn't just going to let her win every time.

As he walked back out, the school newsletter on the fridge caught his eye. He was about to ask Agnes about it, but she spoke first. “How do you always know?” she whined, accepting the glass of water.

“Well,” Ressler said after taking a sip of water. “Whenever you’re about to do a kick, you always scrunch up your eyebrows like this,” he demonstrated.

“Do I?” she asked, seeming slightly taken aback that she did.

“You do.”

“Huh,” she muttered. “Guess I’ll work on that.”

“Good idea,” he replied, and after finishing his water, asked, “you have your teacher conferences next Thursday. How do I book a time for you?”

Agnes’ face fell.
Ressler was instantly on edge.
Aiming for casualness though, she replied, “oh you don’t have to go to that.”

“Why not?” he instantly asked.
Ressler hadn't wanted his parents to go to his teacher conferences because he was failing his classes, but given how enthusiastic Agnes was about hers, he had a feeling that that wasn't the case.
What was it then?
“Agnes?” he gently asked.

She seemed hesitant, but as he calmly waited, she slowly said, “our teacher told us… that when we first get there, we have to introduce our mom and dad…” Ah. He understood. "I don't know what to say," she somberly added.

Given that the school had his details, he was sure the teacher knew that he wasn’t her dad and though the inconsiderate behavior pissed him off, he hid it as he said, "you can introduce me as…” what could work? “As your adult,” he decided.

“Huh?” Agnes got out, her somberness replaced with confusion.

“Would you consider me your adult?”

Agnes thought about it for a few moments before slowly replying, “yeah, I guess.”

“Then yeah, you can introduce me as your adult,” he said, shrugging as if it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Seeing that she was still hesitant though, he added in a serious voice, “or you can introduce me as your majesty.”

She looked at him in sudden surprise, but seeing the growing smile on his face, burst into laughter and shook her head.
“You wish!”

Ressler chuckled, but he felt relieved. He knew what they'd landed on wasn't the norm, but that made sense. Nothing about Agnes’ life had been normal so far. That hadn't been Liz's fault, he knew both mother and daughter had wanted to stay together, but because he was able to provide it now, he wanted to give her some normalcy. Which is why, the next Thursday, Ressler walked into the school with a calm mind.
The school had a half day on account of the conferences and he'd finished work early for it.

Amongst the crowd of adults and children, he saw Agnes waiting for him, and couldn't help a large smile as her face lit up at seeing him.
“Hey, kiddo,” he said once he was close enough.

“Hey, Ress. Mine will be soon so we can go in.”
He nodded and they walked into the hall where there were many desks set up outside the perimeter, all with teachers on the outside, and students and their families on the inside.
“There's my teacher,” Agnes said, pointing to a youngish white man in one of the corners, shaking hands with some parents who were just leaving.

“Mr Johnston, right?”

“Yup.”

“Well, let's go see how much chaos you cause.”

Agnes shot him a look of outrage, and he chuckled right as they reached the now empty desk of Johnston.
He smiled at them both, then looked at Agnes expectantly.
She nodded at her teacher.
"This is -" she shot him a quick look full of amusement, Ressler knowing she was thinking of your majesty "- my adult, Donald Ressler."

A split second of confusion flashed across his face before he saw understanding of the situation and his mistake take its place.
He taught children but couldn't take a second to read about Agnes’ guardian?
But, Ressler quickly reminded himself, he was aiming for normalcy and shook the man's hand as he reached out for a handshake.
“Nice to meet you, Mr Ressler.”

“And you too,” Ressler civilly replied before all three of them sat down.

“Agnes is doing very well,” Johnston started with a smile for her. “Especially considering she joined us in term two, she's caught up wonderfully.”
Ressler smiled at Agnes and got one in return.
Johnston continued to outline all of her classes; social sciences, maths and physical education she was excelling at and science, while nowhere near bad, could use some work.
Ressler didn't care in the slightest. No one could be good at everything.
“Though,” the man added after finishing, an eyebrow raise letting Ressler know it wasn't too serious. “Agnes and her friends do tend to make a lot of noise in class.”

Given that Ressler had seen and most definitely heard the group of four when he came to pick Agnes up, he had an idea of how loud it could get.
“I'll have a word with her about inside voices,” Ressler told the teacher in what he thought was a good responsible adult response, but he saw Agnes’ eye roll with a side glance. Yeah. The both of them knew he wasn't going to make a big fuss of it. He knew it was probably irritating for Johnston, but given everything Agnes had been through, the fact that she could still loudly laugh and joke with her friends was not something he was going to shut down. He would, however, remind her to respect her teacher.

“Well,” Johnston said with a smile. “That’s it from me. Anything you wanted to ask Mr Ressler?”

“No, I'm okay,” he replied. “Good to hear that Agnes is doing well in class.”

“That she definitely is,” and turning to Agnes added, “anything you’d like to add, Agnes?”

She shook her head.
“No, I’m okay, Mr Johnston.”

“Okay then,” the man replied standing up, prompting them both to do the same. “I think that that’s us for today. Lovely meeting you, Mr Ressler,” Johnston said while shaking his hand.

“You too.”

The man turned to shake Agnes’ hand, earning a grin from her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Mr Johnston!”
Ressler smiled at him in farewell, then as he turned, smiled politely at the boy and parents standing behind them, waiting to go next.
“I know me Fatima, Roslyn and Stacey are loud,” Agnes said once they’d walked out of the hall. “But we’re nowhere near as disruptive as Jacob.”

“The boy who was next?”

“Yup,” Agnes replied as they maneuvered their way through the corridor. “Last week he literally he got into a big physical fight in the playground at lunch, and then when someone asked him about it in class he started swearing and throwing pencils at them.”

Yikes.
No matter that Johnston hadn’t made the greatest first impression, Ressler had to respect the guy. He definitely couldn’t do what the man did, much more comfortable being in fights and staring down murderers.
“Please don’t go down to Jacob’s level,” Ressler only half joked.

“Don’t worry,” Agnes immediately replied. “We’re definitely nowhere near as bad as him.”

“Good to know,” Ressler replied. He knew Agnes was nothing like the boy, but he still thought that he should address what the teacher had said about her. “But what Mr Johnson said about you guys being loud -”

“You know I’m not a quiet person, Ress,” she cut in with a laugh.

“I know,” he replied, unable to help his smile. “And I know you and your friends get along well and have a lot of fun, but make sure you all are showing respect to your teacher, okay?”

Agnes paused for a bit, face turning more thoughtful, looking a heartbreaking lot like Liz when she did the same.
“Okay.”

Ressler nodded as they walked outside, knowing that she’d keep that in mind.
They walked in a comfortable silence, parked a bit further away because of the crowd.
“If you’re my adult,” Agnes asked out of the blue, Ressler glancing down at her to see she still had that thoughtful look on her face. “Then what am I to you?”

They walked in silence for a few steps, Ressler thinking of what the answer was that showed how much he cared for her but wasn’t presumptuous about any relationships with her.
A bittersweet smile formed on his face as it came to mind.
“Well, I always thought of you and your mom as my Keen girls… So my Keen girl?"

She quietened for a few moments, and as he looked down at her, she gave him a sad smile before looping her arm through his as they kept walking.
"Sounds good."

Chapter Text

Ressler was putting both their breakfast dishes away when Agnes said, "oh I forgot to ask yesterday, Ress."

"What's up?"

Brushing crumbs off of her uniform, she said, "Fatima, Stacey, Roslyn and I wanted to go watch a movie today after school." He picked up his tie from the back of his chair, nodding to show he was still listening. "Fatima's mom is coming with us and she said she can drop us all home afterwards." Giving him a hopeful look, she added, "can I go?"

Given that he knew Fatima's mother and also that it was Friday, Ressler didn't mind.
"Sure," he replied, earning a smile from Agnes, and as he finished tying his tie, asked, "where are you guys going?"

"Parnell Mall."

His body stiffened on its own accord.
Parnell Mall.
The one where they'd run into Reddington.

"No," he heard himself sharply say. "You can't go."

She stared at him, completely confused.
"What?"

"You're not allowed to go, Agnes," he repeated.
He couldn't risk her running into Reddington again, especially when he wasn't there to watch out for her. Sure Reddington seemed care for Agnes and she certainly seemed to like him, but all the years that Ressler had known him had proved that that bastard was a murderous, manipulative man who always had some kind of con running and Ressler wanted Agnes to have absolutely no part in that.
Besides, Reddington caring for her only made it worse.
Liz was the cautionary tale of what happened to those that man cared about.

"But you just said I could go!" Agnes countered, annoyed. "Why could I go two seconds ago but not now?"

"Because I said so," he simply replied.

She scowled at him.
"You're not the boss of me."

He raised an eyebrow.
"I'm your guardian, so actually, yeah I kind of am."

"You might be my guardian, but my dad is dead,” she sharply said, her eyes narrowing onto him. “Don’t pretend to be him.”

“Trust me,” Ressler scoffed, his tone full of disdain. “I would never want to be like Tom.”

“Why are you acting like you’re my parent then?” she suddenly yelled at him.

Ressler loudly growled, throwing his hands up in the air.
“You chose me, remember! I warned you that I was probably going to absolutely suck at taking care of you, but you still agreed!”

“Well why did you let me!” she instantly countered. “If you knew you were going to be so bad at it, why did you agree and not force me to stay with Mr Cooper?” and before he could reply, she added with a surprisingly scathing look, “it was probably because you didn’t care about me at all, you just wanted to see my mom everyday because I look like her!”

“How dare you!” he couldn’t help but yell. “You think I don’t care about you, do you?” She stared at him, angry stubbornness in her eyes, and he humorlessly laughed. “You’re pissed, whatever, but don’t start making up complete garbage just to make yourself feel better about wallowing in your self-pity.”
Her eyes widened in outrage, but he immediately cut her off, yelling, “you think you’re the only one who misses her every minute of every day? I do too! I’ve known her for longer than you’ve even been alive!”

It was Agnes’ turn to humourlessly laugh. “Is it a competition? Because I think I win. I’m an orphan, remember?”

Ressler spun around, growling loudly. How the ever loving fuck was he supposed to deal with this? He could feel the anger radiating off of Agnes behind him, but he just didn’t know how to deal with her without completely losing the tiny shred of control he had left over himself.
Seeing the clock in his line of vision, he growled again when he saw that this argument had now made them 10 minutes behind schedule. He tried, unsuccessfully, to take a calming breath, and turning back around to meet Agnes’ seething look, sarcastically said, “at the risk of overstepping and sounding like a parent -” her scowl deepened “- grab your things because we have to leave.”

She stared defiently at him for a moment, looked up at the clock, then strode into her room, walking past without acknowledging him.
Ressler let out a quiet growl as he packed his own things.
How the absolute fuck did parents constantly deal with shit like this? Well, he darkly chuckled to himself, by definition of the word, parents certainly never had to deal with an 'I'm an orphan' tantrum.

It took them just over a minute to get into the car and onto the road, Agnes refusing to even look at him since she'd come out of her room.
Even though the radio was playing, the silence between them was so tense that it seemed to drown it out, making it sound like prickling static instead.

The drive felt longer than normal, neither uttering a single sound, let alone word, but thankfully he finally pulled into the drop off zone.
Given that he was the adult here, he figured he shouldn't give her the silent treatment, managing a tight but civil, “have a good day.”
She slung her backpack over one shoulder, ignoring him.
Clearly Agnes wasn’t talking to him, but she didn’t need words to make her displeasure known. She got out, slamming the door shut loudly and with more force than was ever needed, rushing off without so much as a backward glance.
Ressler growled in the emptiness as he pulled out onto the road, the contained space of the car seeming to only intensify his mood.

He realised that he’d probably handled it badly, and that he definitely shouldn’t have yelled back at her like he would’ve his brother instead of a child he was taking care of, but how the hell was he meant to have known that?
As Agnes had so clearly pointed out, he wasn’t her father, and more than that, he’d never been one. Instead, he was thrust into what, much to Agnes' annoyance, could only be described as parenthood, taking care of the preteen of the now dead woman he loved. And to make everything a whole lot better, they were both still trying to drag themselves out of the depths of that pain.

Obviously there was no way for it to go wrong.

He was still silently fuming as he parked, but somehow managed to close the door with a normal amount of force, then got into the elevator.
“Ressler!”
He barely suppressed the urge to groan as an irritatingly cheerful Aram waved for him to wait, rushing to catch up.
Ressler somewhat reluctantly held the elevator open as Aram ran in, and they started moving down as the doors closed.
After catching his breath, Aram smiled at him. “Good morning!”
Ressler grunted in response.
Aram's smile vanished as he eyed him up.
“Or maybe not?”

“Definitely not.”

“Want to talk about it?” the other man offered.

Ressler humorlessly chuckled as the doors opened up to the office.
“Definitely not.”

They walked in, Ressler ignoring Aram's slight pout, and he walked to their office to put his things away.
Cooper was already in the middle. “Morning,” he greeted just as Park joined them. “How are you?”

“Fine,” Ressler answered, knowing the team for enough years that he couldn't be bothered putting on a show.
He could feel Cooper and Park eyeing him up slightly warily, but if he wasn’t going to indulge Aram, he certainly wasn’t going to spill all his thoughts with these two.
“What disaster do we have to stop now?” he instead asked, trying to move everyone forward.

“Well,” Cooper said, taking the not so subtle hint, and Ressler relaxed slightly as everyone focused on the briefing.

After a lot of listening, talking and asking questions, they were ready to head out to conduct interviews, Ressler riding with Aram for the day.
He was grabbing his keys from his desk, Aram grabbing his phone, when Ressler's own buzzed in his back pocket. Pulling it out, he read the text.
I wnt Mr Cooper 2 pick me
Ressler wanted to scream, professional environment be damned.
Was this how they were going to deal with problems?
But his anger wasn't improving, and as much as he wanted to explode, he couldn't take it out on her again.
Will ask him, he texted back, aiming for civil in his message even though he felt anything but.

“Give me a minute,” he said to Aram who looked like he wanted to ask what was happening, but Ressler left the room before that could happen.

Dreading it slightly because he knew Cooper would have a lot to say about it, Ressler knocked on his door before entering.
His boss looked up, and keeping his expression neutral, Ressler said, "Agnes wants you to pick her up from school today."

Immediately Cooper put down the file he'd been holding.
"And why is that?"

How much should he say?
He wasn't very proud of how he'd handled things, he knew it was wrong, and he didn't need Cooper to tell him off. Besides, he had a feeling that Agnes wouldn't want him to tell Cooper what she'd said.
Keeping it vague, he answered, "we had a fight and she's pissed at me at the moment."

His boss' eyes narrowed.
"What did you fight about?"

Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen.
Not answering the question directly, he instead replied, “let’s be honest, when Agnes moved in with me, we all knew that there would be some rough patches considering we’ve both lost Liz and I have absolutely no experience taking care of a family. Hell,” Ressler scoffed, “I’ve never even had a pet.”
Cooper said nothing, but continued listening intently.
“We’ve hit a rough patch, we’re both equally pissed with each other, and while I’m sure we’ll figure it out, we’re not level headed enough to do that right now.”

Cooper silently studied him again, and though Ressler had managed to calm himself down enough to give Cooper a reasonable explanation, all the silence he got in response was starting to raise those levels back up.
“Okay,” Cooper said before Ressler could say anything. “I’ll pick her up.”
Ressler nodded and walked outside before Cooper could add anything else.
While walking back, he replied to Agnes, letting her know that Cooper would pick her.

He walked back into the office, picking up the keys which he’d left on the table under the slightly wary gaze of Aram who still stood there.
“Let’s go,” he said, leaving the office and heading for the elevator with Aram trailing behind.
Ressler had known Aram for almost a decade at this point and he knew he was going to question what had happened, but Ressler’s phone buzzed again, putting it on pause.
Agnes had replied with a sharp ‘ok’
He put his phone back in his pocket.
Ressler realised that Agnes could’ve just texted Cooper herself but clearly she wanted him to deal with her anger for longer, and if he wasn’t so pissed, he’d be slightly impressed with her subtle plan.

The doors opened, and as they walked out into the garage, Aram asked, “is everything okay?”

Ressler recognised that this wasn’t a ‘need to know everything Aram’ but a genuinely concerned one. With that in mind, Ressler repeated what he’d told Cooper, saying, “Agnes and I got into a fight. Let’s be honest it was inevitable, and I’m sure we’ll figure it out, but for now we’re both pissed and she wants Cooper to pick her from school.”

His dump of information was met with silence, but as they climbed into the car, Aram finally said, “let me know if I can help with anything.”

Affection spread through Ressler, and starting the engine, he truthfully said, “I will.”
Aram smiled at him, clearly sensing he was genuine, and as they pulled out onto the road, Ressler added, “for now, we need some time to ourselves before we get more pissed at each other.” Ressler let out a light chuckle. “Well, I do anyway.”

“Hey,” Aram said with a slight laugh. “Maybe you'll be able to work out your frustrations by chasing a fleeing suspect.”

“While that would probably do the trick,” Ressler said as he turned onto the road. “I don’t think I’m frustrated enough to wish for that.”
Aram chuckled, and feeling a bit more settled, they made their way to the ex-wife's house. They didn’t get any new information there, so went to the business partner next. The business wasn’t going too well, they already knew that through their debriefing, but the partner also mentioned a man coming and having whispered conversations with the victim. Ressler and Aram had a bite to eat in their car while the techs figured out who it was, and close to 20 minutes later, they got it: the ex-wife’s brother.

Instinct had him checking the time around 2:30, habit telling him to go pick Agnes, and unreasonably annoyed, he grilled the business partner even harder.

Cooper texted him just after three, saying that he'd picked Agnes and was taking her with him and Charlene.
Ressler replied ok.
Cooper then texted what was the fight about?
Ressler ignored him.
Instead he focused back on the building they were about to enter: the ex-wife's brother.
They knocked, and while waiting for the door to be opened, he felt his phone buzz. Pulling it out, he saw Cooper had texted Agnes isn't telling me what happened, so I'd appreciate it if you as the adult could.
Ressler ignored it with an eye roll.
Aram raised his eyebrows but thankfully the door opening saved him any comments.

The light interrogation started off okay, but the longer it went on, the more Ressler had a bad feeling about the guy, and a side glance confirmed Aram was feeling the same. The brother quickly popped away to the kitchen to turn something off, and suspecting the worst, Ressler and Aram were already standing by the time they heard the back door opening and hurried footsteps getting fainter.
He and Aram looked at each other before setting off.
“I said I wasn’t frustrated enough for this,” he told Aram running beside him before picking up the pace.
It took running two blocks, climbing over a fence, a narrowly missed punch to the face and what Ressler suspected would be an ugly bruise on his stomach to bring the son of a bitch in.
He glanced at his phone before they set off for the office, and he saw then ignored a text from Cooper.
Aram raised an eyebrow at his sigh, and as they turned onto the road, Ressler said, “honestly, Cooper is more like a nagging parent than a boss at the moment.”

Aram let out a light laugh, but after a minute of silence he slowly added, “it makes sense though, you know.”
It was Ressler’s turn to raise an eyebrow, and he did so then turned back to the road. He knew Cooper was just being a concerned adult, but this constant check up was irritating and he didn’t really want to hear a defense of his actions.
“If we were a normal workplace, then yeah,” Aram continued. “This would be completely overstepping. But we’re not.” Ressler stayed silent, knowing Aram wasn’t done. “We’ve all already been through so much together, even before… even before Liz died.” There was silence for a few moments, neither having the words to comfort each other.
Aram cleared his throat. “But after, with Cooper and Charlene being Agnes’ guardians and then you, and me and Park as well being there for Agnes and you, I think it’s fair to say that we’re not just colleagues. We’re a family. And as irritating as this situation and Cooper always checking in must be for you, if you look at it through that family lens, it’s still annoying for sure -” Ressler huffed. “But it makes sense,” Aram finished.

Ressler drove silently for a while, processing Aram’s words.
He sighed.
“I hate it when you’re right,” Ressler muttered, earning a loud laugh from his friend.

Only after bringing the brother in, processing and interrogating him, did Ressler check his phone again. There were all the previous messages from Cooper he'd left unread, but the most recent was him letting him know Agnes is eating dinner.
To this Ressler replied ok.

“Cooper still texting you?”

Ressler looked up into the concerned gaze of Aram.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “Just letting me know Agnes is eating dinner this time.”
Aram nodded, and Ressler added, “I should probably go there now and leave the paperwork for tomorrow.”

Aram chuckled.
“You’re becoming self aware.”

“Well,” Ressler started saying, grabbing his things. “I did have a wise friend advising me through this ordeal.”

“Did you just call me wise?”
Ressler smiled at Aram’s excitement, and though he walked out of this office, Aram's voice followed him.
“You know I'm going to make you regret that!”
Ressler chuckled his way into the elevator and as he got into his car and started making his way towards the Cooper's, he was grateful that Aram had helped lower his anger levels. Though it had been impossible earlier, he knew a level head was needed to have a conversation with Agnes.
Twenty minutes later Ressler was there, and he took a deep breath as he walked to the front door.
He hated being the one to apologise first, but with Agnes, he needed to.
He knocked on the door which was soon answered by Charlene.
“Donald, hello,” she said slightly warily, probably because he wasn't exactly in a smiling mood right knowing there’d be an inevitable conversation ahead but not knowing how it would go.

“How is she?” he asked, because although he was pissed, he was still worried.

“Okay,” she replied, ushering him in. “Angry, but okay.”
He nodded. That was probably the best he could hope for under the circumstances.

Walking into the living room, he looked past Cooper who stood up as he arrived, instead meeting Agnes' face as she scowled at him.
Ignoring Cooper and Charlene's eyes on him, Ressler forced himself not to retaliate to Agnes' reaction, instead evenly asking, “are you staying here or are you coming home?”

She stubbornly stared at him, the simmering anger in her eyes suddenly reminding him of Liz, but though she was clearly not enthused by his presence, she sharply replied, “I'm coming home.”

He nodded once.
“Okay. Get your things.”

She nodded, shoving a few books into her backpack, and glancing between them warily and slightly confused, Cooper slowly started saying, “you can stay with us if you -”

“No. I'm going with Ressler,” she replied, and though there was no smile on her face, she gave Cooper and Charlene quick hugs.

There was a tense silence in the car the whole way back, but unlike last time, it wasn't intense enough to drown out the radio.
A good sign.
After they got inside, Ressler said, "we've got to talk about this -" Agnes nodded but said nothing, so he added, "how about you get changed out of your uniform, I'll do the same, and then we can talk?"
She nodded again, making her way to her room and he did the same.

Ressler took off his suit and got into some sweats, the whole time telling himself he had to be calm and level headed. Sure he'd never been anything close to a parent, but he was still the adult here. He needed to act like it.

He walked into the kitchen and started getting things ready for dinner, sandwiches were all he had the energy for, when Agnes walked into the living room. Putting dinner on hold, he walked into the next room where Agnes was standing, fiddling with her fingers.
He took a seat on the couch and patted the space next to him.
She sat, her gaze on the blank TV rather than him.
He cleared his voice.
“I'm sorry I yelled and said some pretty mean things to you.”

Agnes finally turned to him and nodded. After a pause she opened her mouth, and Ressler supposed it was to apologise as well, but instead she asked, “why did you change your mind so fast?” and shaking her head, added, “I just don't get it.”

There was still annoyance on her face, but genuine bewilderment was there as well. When he thought about it from her perspective, he knew his change in answer had been ridiculously abrupt with no explanation, and if someone had done that to him, he'd be pretty pissed as well.
Ressler sighed.
He knew the truth was the way to go. He couldn't come up with any other reasonable explanation, besides, he didn't want to lie to Agnes.
“Remember how last time we went to Parnell mall and… Pinky was there?”
The term of endearment felt like poison on his tongue.

“Yeah?”

“Well,” he continued as Agnes’ eyes stayed locked on him. “I didn't want you to run into him, and because it happened there, I was scared it might happen again.” Agnes’ brows furrowed. “That's why I didn't want to go when you told me where it was.”

Silence followed his reason and Ressler was proud that he was able to say as much with a calm voice, but Agnes immediately added, “why not?”

That was a fair question but Ressler just wanted her to unreasonably just accept it. He didn't want to tell Agnes the ins and outs of why he absolutely detested that man.
“Because,” Ressler slowly started saying, a valid reason coming to mind. “He has a lot of enemies, and I don't want anything to happen to you.
There was no way Agnes could argue with that.

She nodded, but before Ressler could feel any relief that this argument was finally resolved, she added, “but Pinky wouldn't let that happen.”

Anger exploded in him, but he closed his eyes.
Calm down, he warned himself.
He hated the man's guts, sure, but Agnes didn't know about that, and as much as he wanted her to stop defending him, no way was Ressler going to tell Agnes the myriad of reasons why he hated him.
He didn't want to burden her with that gruesome knowledge for one, but also, Agnes was finally healing from Liz's death. He didn't want to cause her a surge of anger that would eradicate all of that.
“I'm sure he wouldn't,” Ressler lied, trying to remain calm. “And I don’t mean to scare you, but that man has really really dangerous people looking for him who want to hurt him. I don't want you with him when they find him.”
Everything he'd said was true, but he'd omitted one important detail. Pinky was the most dangerous and ruthless of them all.

Agnes was quiet for a few seconds.
Finally, she shrugged.
“You should've just said.”

Clearly Liz's lifestyle had made Agnes unfazed by the threat of danger, though Ressler wasn't sure if that was a good thing.
"Yeah I should've," he nodded. "I'm still learning how to take care of you but I promise I will next time."

“Thanks,” she said, handling this conversation very adult-like, but sobering slightly, she added, “I shouldn't have said those mean things about you. I'm lucky I have you, Ress.”

“Thank you,” Ressler smiled, a warmth spreading through his chest, and finally the mood seemed to lift.

“Besides,” Agnes added with a small laugh. “You're a lot easier to be angry around.”
Ressler frowned, trying to understand what that meant.
“You give me time to cool off,” she continued. “Mr and Mrs Cooper kept asking me if I was okay and what happened. I didn't like it,” she shrugged.

Ressler couldn't help his laugh, Liz's daughter turning out to be more like him than was probably healthy for her.
"Yeah, I know the feeling."

Chapter Text

Ressler pushed the coffee table back to its usual place, laughing as Agnes dramatically rushed to open the windows. She only had kickboxing lessons once a week, so he made the effort to practise with her at home as well, not only to get her familiar with the movements, but for his own peace of mind to see where she was.
He was glad to see she was doing beyond well, and she'd even managed to land a kick this time.

Just before going to her room, Agnes suddenly asked, "what's your favourite flower?"

"Why do you ask?" he replied, confused by the out of the blue question.

"For a surprise," she slyly answered, a hint of a smile on her face.
He laughed, but let the matter be, and starting on dinner, answered, “I'll think about it and let you know.”

“Okay, thanks Ress!” was her response, and running towards her room, she added, “I’m going to do my homework!”

He laughed as washed the rice and turned the rice cooker on.
What was his favourite flower though?
As he prepped chicken, he knew he didn't have one, but if Agnes asked him she clearly had some plan in mind, meaning he needed to think of one that had some relevance. Washing his hands then pulling a vegetable mix out of the fridge for a stir fry, he questioned how many types of flowers he even knew. Roses, of course. He knew daisies, Liz's favourite flowers were tulips, but those were hers, not his to choose. He was putting some sauces into the stir-fry when he remembered his mother's words from his childhood.
He grinned.
His mother loved gardening fruits and vegetables, but flowers as we well, and given that she'd compared him to marigolds a few times, he was happy to choose that as his favourite.

Seeing there was just a few minutes left for dinner to be done, he called Agnes who popped in the kitchen a minute later.
They were comfortable in their routine at this point so Agnes didn't need to be asked to set the table.
After putting all the food on they started eating, and a few bites in, Ressler smiled as Agnes complimented, ‘this is really good, Ress!’
She then wanted to dissect her kickboxing which Ressler was happy to do, and after that was done, he said, “by the way, my favourite flowers are marigolds.”

Agnes’ eyebrows scrunched up.
“Which ones are marigolds again?”

“They're the orange ones that Mr and Mrs Cooper have a patch of in their front garden.”

“Oh!”” Agnes exclaimed. “They're pretty!”
Ressler nodded while taking a bite, and she asked, “why are they your favourite?”

“Well,” Ressler said after taking a bite. “When I was younger, my mom said those reminded her of me.”

“Really?” Agnes asked, eyes lighting up. “That's so cute!”

“Thanks,” Ressler deadpanned, and Agnes laughed.

“Why did she think that, though?” she asked after taking a bite.

Helping himself to more stir-fry, he explained, “well firstly, they're orange and red.” Agnes pointed her spoon to his hair, and nodding, he added, “as well as that, apparently they're strong and resilient flowers and she said those qualities were in me too.”

“Wait,” Agnes said, making a face. “That's actually cute!”

He chuckled, then after taking a bite, asked, “what's your favourite flower?”

“Bluebells.”

Ressler nodded, pretty sure he knew which ones they were, then after a few more bites, asked, “are you going to tell me what this is for?”

“Nope,” she grinned, seeming pleased with herself, and shaking his head, Ressler continued eating.

The upcoming week was busy as it always seemed to be nowadays, a fine balance between Agnes and work, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.
Friday afternoon, he was waiting to pick Agnes up after school. Usually she'd greet him then tell him a bit about what she’d done during the day, something interesting, or some shenanigans she and her friends got up to that he had to pretend he didn't find amusing.
He was expecting the same again, so was surprised and worried when she greeted him with a quiet ‘hey’ then wordlessly belted up.
“Hey,” he replied back, carefully watching her, and hesitantly asked, “everything okay, Ags?”

She shrugged.
“I'm fine.”
You certainly didn't have to be in the FBI to know that that was a lie.
But, regardless, he pulled out onto the road, knowing that trying to get her to tall was a futile task. Sure that was part of his job description, but unlike the people he had to force to talk at work, he actually cared about Agnes and wasn't going to force anything. If it got worse, however, he'd try.
For now though, he was okay with giving her time, which is why he didn't say anything when she went straight to her room when getting back home.
The fact that she didn't even stop to get a snack, something she was usually ravenous for after school, worried him slightly, but he left it for now to get changed.
He worried if she was sick or if something bad had happened in school, but he reassured himself with the fact that if it had been something quite pressing, she would've let him know.
Instead, after getting changed and putting all his things away, he walked to the kitchen. There was some leftover chicken in the fridge that he'd quickly heat up to put into wraps with salad, so he had no need to mess around in the kitchen for dinner. He'd prep it all when she was ready to eat, but for now, with nothing else to do, he plopped onto the couch and turned the TV on.

For an hour he watched the news, watching it, but with nowhere near the attention he usually would've.
It was only 10 minutes into the travel program that he heard Agnes’ door open, and a few seconds later she walked into the living room.
Her mood still looked the same, but given that she had joined him unprompted and unasked, she was clearly up for sharing. He also saw something in her hand, and when she plopped down wordlessly next to him, he saw it was a small canvas. He could only see the back of it, but suddenly knew what was on it and why Agnes was feeling down.
She didn't say anything, however, but happy enough for now that she'd come out and joined him, he was okay with it.
They both had their eyes on the TV, though Ressler knew Agnes wasn't watching it.
He certainly wasn't.
But he let it be, knowing that if all she needed in this moment was his silent presence, then that was what he'd give her.
His eyes saw the views on the TV but took nothing in. An ad break came and went and still they sat in silence. It was only when the next break came, that Agnes quietly spoke.

“I miss mom.”

Ressler’s chest clenched.
With how amazingly Agnes had slotted back into normal life with school and friends, sometimes it was easy to forget that she'd lost her mother so recently.
Agnes was brave, there was no doubt about that.
He knew that she was truly happy with her friends, the post office family, and him and his family, but also knew very well how grief could come out of nowhere with a sucker punch.
His eyes flicked from the canvas to her.
“The painting, huh?” he lightly asked.

Nodding, she turned the canvas around to show him.
A tulip, a stem of bluebells and a marigold where painted in one bouquet, and the background was painted a soft butter yellow.
“It’s really beautiful,” he said, turning to her. “Honestly, Ags.”

She sniffled, nodding while her eyes stayed fixed on the painting. Tears welled up in her eyes, and feeling some collecting in his own, he lifted his arm.
“Come here.”

She put her painting on the table then cuddled up to his side as he wrapped his arm around her.
“I miss her too,” he whispered.

She pressed her face into his shoulder and mumbled, “why did she have to go so early?”

Tears fell down Ressler’s face.
That was the eternal question, wasn't it?
It had happened with his father, Audrey and, of course, Liz.
Through all his losses, people had told him the same thing over and over but it hadn't helped him one bit. Looking back now, however, he knew he hadn't wanted it to help. He wanted to wallow in his own sorrow and suffering. After coming out of it though, he knew what people said was true, and now that he was the one offering the comfort, he saw the sense in saying it and, if you let it, how it could give some peace of mind.
Besides, he didn't want Agnes to have the same coping methods he did.
“People come and go,” he slowly started saying, arm tight around Agnes, eyes on the framed photo of him, Agnes and Liz on the wall. “That's the unfortunate truth.”
Agnes sniffled.
Rubbing her arm, he continued, “as much as we like, that's out of our hands, something we can't control even though we try so hard to. But what we can control is how we feel, and I feel so grateful that I knew your mom.”
Blinking his own tears away, he continued, “obviously I wanted much more time with her -” Agnes sniffled again. “But I'm grateful that out of literally billions of people on earth, I was in the same place and time as her.”
Agnes nodded against him.
“Well,” he added with a small chuckle. “That's what I try to remind myself when I miss her.”

There was silence for a few moments, then Agnes said into his shoulder in a small voice, “I'm glad that she was my mother.”

“She is,” Ressler quickly said. “I know she's gone now, but that doesn't change the fact that Elizabeth Keen is your mother.”
She nodded against him and Ressler wrapped his other arm around her.
He wanted her to feel safe and supported in the way being surrounded by family made one feel. Ressler couldn't invite all the people important to them here right this instant, but an idea came to mind.
"You know," he said into the silence. "You should send my mom a picture of the painting. She'll love it."

She pulled away, looking up at him with sadness still in her eyes, but nodded as she moved forward to take a photo of it. She typed a few words, showing him she'd written my, mom's and Ress' favourite flowers', and his phone buzzed on the coffee table as Agnes sent the photo.

He was just about to get up to grab ice cream from the fridge, he knew it was her comfort food, when both their phones buzzed and Agnes angled her phone for him to see. His mother had replied Absolutely stunning work darling! A beautiful way to honour your mother.
The sincerity leaped out from the screen and Agnes' light but genuine smile made him glad he'd suggested sending the photo.
As Agnes replied, he said to her, "the one bad thing about showing mom is that she'll probably ask you to paint something for her now."

She lightly laughed.
"I don't mind, it could be fun."

He smiled warmly at her, marvelling yet again at the strength and resilience she had, and patted her back as he was about to stand up, but both his and Agnes' phone buzzed again, her bursting into sudden and loud guffaws as she read whatever message was written there.
"What is it?" he asked, taken aback by the complete turn of her mood.
Her reply was not through words, she was too busy laughing, instead putting the phone in front of him, Ressler having to focus a bit more to read it given she was still shaking.
Robbie had replied: Artist Agnes in da houzz!!.
Ressler burst into laughter.
Was his brother trying to be 'hip with the kids'?
If so, it definitely was not working.

"Uncle Robbie is cool," Agnes said between laughs. "But that is definitely not!"

They chuckled for a few moments more, Ressler feeling grateful for his brother now too, before trailing off into silence, but it was calm and content. Ressler's eyes landed on the photo they'd printed a month ago, hung on the wall. It was taken quite some years ago, Agnes was much younger, and it was her, him and Liz out for ice cream. They hadn't been together then, but what he hadn't allowed himself to think then but was fine with now, was that they looked like a family.
Still staring at it, he said to Agnes, “how about we put your painting next to that photo.”

From his peripheral, he saw Agnes turn to look at the photo as well.
“Yeah,” she quietly said. “I think that's a good idea.”

He nodded, and seeing that there was space for a lot more on that section of the wall, added, “how about we add more as well. Like a gallery wall.”

“I was thinking the same.”

He smiled, knowing this was going to be a good idea, then paused.
He was quite sure this had nothing to do with his aversion of having her photo up from before, Agnes had settled those worries, but if they only had photos of or with Liz it would feel too much like a shrine.
He definitely didn't want that.
He wanted them to remember her, yes, but also to remember that there were so many other people they called family, blood related or not.
“I think,” Ressler slowly started, hoping his words wouldn't upset Agnes. “That we should put photos of all of our people, and more of your art. Not just photos of Liz,” he quietly added.

There was silence for a moment as Ressler waited for her response.
“We need mom there,” she lightly said. “Of course, but yeah, photos of our entire family, right?”

He smiled.
“Right.”

They were silent for a moment.

“I’m hungry, Ress.”

He chuckled, unexpected relief flowing through him that she wanted to eat.
“Good,” he smiled.

She smiled back, and looking at the photo of the three of them and then back to him, added, “thanks for the gallery wall suggestion, Ress.”

“Of course.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Ressler pat his knees and stood up, prompting Agnes to do the same.
“How about this,” he said as they started walking towards the kitchen. “I’ll make the wraps, you look through your phone and mine to find photos.”

Though the smile was faint on her face, it was bright in her eyes.
“Sounds like a plan.”

Chapter Text

Ressler took a sip of his morning coffee, having already had breakfast, to relax on the couch while Agnes woke and got ready. Outside it was grey and abysmal, but his eyes were fixed on the recently created gallery wall.
In addition to the original photo and Agnes’ artwork, there was now also a picture Liz had taken of him, Aram, the Coopers and Agnes at her ballet performance, a photo of him and Agnes with his mom and brother from when they’d gone to visit them, and, at Agnes’ insistence, a very old photo of him and Robbie posing with their mom and dad.
To say he’d been shocked when she’d shown him that photo had been an understatement, but he’d suspected his mom had had a hand in giving it to Agnes.
Thinking that it was only fair that Agnes had a photo with her parents as well, Ressler made a mental note to try and find one with her, Liz and Tom.
There was still space on the wall for a lot more photos, but the both of them agreed to make it a never-ending project, adding photos as they saw fit.

Taking his last sip, he headed back to the kitchen, hearing Agnes’ door open and then the bathroom door close.
He put one of the two sandwiches he’d made before his breakfast into his briefcase, knowing that Agnes packed her own fruit and snacks as she packed her lunch.
Her class had a field trip to the zoo today as part of the biology section of their science topic, and while that sounded fun in theory, Ressler looked outside and winced.
Not ideal weather for a field trip.
He checked the weather on his phone, seeing that it was meant to be grey and cloudy all day and only in the evening would it rain heavily. She’d be back by then of course, but the weather could be unpredictable.

“Morning, Ress,” Agnes greeted as she walked into the kitchen.

“Morning,” he said while putting his phone in his pocket, and as she prepared her cereal, he asked, “excited for the zoo trip in this weather?”

She made a face, and after taking a bite, replied, “yeah, I did see that. It’ll still be fun though,” she added with a shrug. “All my friends are coming with.”

Back to her as he washed his coffee cup, Ressler grinned.
In her group were Fatima, Roslyn and Stacey, and everytime Agnes talked about them, her eyes lit up. Clearly she’d hit the jackpot when it came to the friends category, something he was eternally grateful for. He’d met them all multiple times at this point, from pickups to sports practices and outings during the weekends, and they were all polite and intelligent girls.
That wasn’t to say, though, that they didn’t get up to mischief.
Aside from stories Agnes had told him where he’d had to force himself not to smile, he’d also had a few words from their teacher about noise level and class disruptions. While he’d had a talk or two with her about that, he couldn’t quite bring himself to care as much as he should given she was doing well at school, and most importantly that, after all she’d been through, she was genuinely happy.
Regardless, as her adult, he knew he had to say something, so turning back around, said, “you’ll be out and about in public. Make sure you all listen to the teachers and do as they say.”

Agnes had been about to take a bite, but paused to make a face.
“Yeah, I know, Ress.”

He smothered a grin and replied, “good,” picking his tie off the back of the chair. “Just checking.”

Agnes rolled her eyes and said, “you should be more worried about this weather.”

That was actually a good point, and he asked, “have you packed for it?”

“Yup,” she replied, taking another bite. “I’ve packed my umbrella.”

Ressler frowned, and finished with his tie, walked out of the room to one of their small storage closets. He knew there was a raincoat of Agnes’ somewhere in there, and while she would probably outgrow it soon, it would do for now.
He walked back into the kitchen, coat in hand, where Agnes was now washing her bowl.
“Pack this,” he said, laying it over the back of the chair with her backpack on it.

She put the bowl in the drying rack before turning around, eyeing what he was talking about.
Eyes moving to him, she asked, “you did hear me say I’ve got my umbrella, right?”

“I did,” he replied. “But if it gets windy, the umbrella won’t be much help and I don’t want you to be getting sick. Pack it,” he said, pointing to it before going to the fruit bowl to get an apple for himself.
She rolled her eyes but went to pack it nonetheless, then took an apple and some crackers along with her sandwich and put them in her bag as well.
“That’s all you’re taking?” he asked.

She looked at him confused.
“That’s how much I usually pack?”

It was his turn to roll his eyes.
“I know, but you’re going to be out and walking about all day. You should pack some extra snacks, otherwise even the lions will be scared of you with how cranky you get.”
Pleased with himself, Ressler chuckled loudly, even as Agnes scowled at him. Aram had recently taught him the word hangry and he’d learnt the hard way that it most definitely applied to Agnes.

“Maybe I should feed you to the lions,” she mumbled, causing Ressler to laugh harder, but she still packed a few more snacks into her bag.

Residual smile still on his face, he asked, “your phone is fully charged, right?” thinking of if the weather got worse or god forbid anything happened on the trip.

“Yup,” she answered, zipping up her bag.

Putting the apple in his own, he thought about what else she might need. She had an umbrella, a raincoat, extra snacks and a charged phone.
Given that she wasn’t wearing it right now, he asked, “do you have your school jumper?”

“On the couch,” she replied. “I’ll grab it when we leave.”

He nodded, then said, “you should probably pack some gloves,” and in response to her raised eyebrow, added, “doesn’t look like it’s going to get any warmer.”

“I think I’ll be fine.”

“You’re okay with cold hands?”

“I have pockets.”

Knowing that this was not an argument he was going to win, he let it be, and looking at his watch, said, “okay, time to start heading out.”

“Good,” Agnes mumbled. “I was scared what else you were gonna get me to pack.”

Ressler couldn’t help his smile as she took her backpack out to the living room. Regardless of her comment, she hadn’t sounded annoyed, just mildly sarcastic, but given her age that was a given. She might think he was overdoing it, but he of all people knew the importance of being prepared in the field.
Taking his briefcase out as well, he was about to put his shoes on, then turned to Agnes who was doing the same, and in all seriousness, said, “take an extra pair of socks.”
She loudly groaned and he had to laugh, but cutting in before she could argue, said, “I know, I know, but consider, if it rains, you don’t want to be walking around the rest of the day in wet socks.”

Shoes on, she stood back up, and shaking her head, said, “okay, I see your point, but if I take spare socks for that reason, wouldn’t it be useless unless I also took a spare pair of shoes?”
Huh.
That was a good point, one he’d overlooked.
He considered if it’d be too much for her to also fit a pair of flats in her backpack, when she exclaimed, “I’m not taking extra shoes!”
So much for that, then.
Laughing loudly, she added, “seriously, I think we need to leave right now otherwise you’re going to get me to somehow pack this entire house in my bag!”

He huffed. The shoes, maybe, were overkill, but still he said, “just making sure you’re ready for whatever happens out there.”

“It’s just a zoo trip,” Agnes laughed while putting on her backpack. “It’s not that intense.”

“I know, but still, I don’t want you getting sick, so at the very least I think you should still pack the socks -”

Agnes’ loud laughter cut him off, fondness in her eyes even though he was clearly the object of her humour.
“It’s just a zoo trip! I’ll be okay and I promise you there’s no need for me to pack my entire wardrobe or all the contents of this house!” He opened his mouth, but she cut him off with, “it’s chill, just relax, no need to worry so much. I’ll be okay, dad,” she reassured.

They both froze, the teasing smile wiped from Agnes’ face.

Dad.

She’d just called him dad.

He knew it was a mistake, of course, but still, it echoed through his mind.

Dad.

But then, her words from the big fight some time ago joined the echo in his mind.
“My dad is dead, don't pretend to be him.”
“Why are you acting like my parent?”

They stayed frozen, staring at each other, trapped in a sudden minefield.
Ressler had absolutely no idea what to do.
He knew that, given their situation, he was inevitably seen like a father figure to her, but, regardless of that, he was definitely not her father. Her words that day had made that clear, and he honestly couldn’t even bring himself to feel annoyed or disappointed about them given that it was simply the truth.

The ticking of the clock was the only sound in the room, but it made him aware that they were on a schedule.
Unsure what to say about the D-word situation, he cleared his throat and instead said, “okay, you don’t have to take the socks,” and turning to pick the keys from the entry table, added, “c’mon let’s go. If you’re late they might leave without you.”
He knew he should acknowledge the overbearing elephant in the room but he didn’t know how. Cowardly, he hoped if he brushed it off, she would too.
There was no response from Agnes, and he turned back to see her standing in the same position, backpack hanging over one shoulder.
Yeah, he didn’t think the brushing off technique would work.

He tried to read what was going through her mind, but her poker face was getting close to being as good as her mother’s.
Still, he could see a flicker of uncertainty cross her face as she slowly started saying, “Ress, I…”

He waited.

The ticking of the clock came back into their awareness as she tried yet failed to find the words that she wanted to say.

“It’s okay,” Ressler gently reassured.
Agnes made a face, almost as if she were in physical pain, and Ressler’s chest tightened.
This topic was a minefield between them. A minefield buried under murky water, and yet, even though he knew that, and even though he knew that she’d said it by accident, it meant something that she’d mistakenly called him dad, something that, though he wasn’t ready to dwell on it, made his chest warm.
But, he definitely wasn’t ready for that and would probably never be, and he certainly wasn’t deserving of it.
“It’s okay,” he reassured the frozen-in-panic Agnes again, but seeing that she wasn’t convinced, added, “it's like when you accidentally call your teacher mom.”

That finally snapped her out of her panic, and she looked at him weirdly.
“I've never done that.”

Ressler knew that they both needed a bit of levity right now, so sighing, said, “just a me problem then, huh?”

Her eyes widened slightly.
“You've called your teacher mom before?”

He huffed, still slightly embarrassed by the story, but seeing humour growing on Agnes’ face, explained, “yeah, I did once.” She grinned. “The teacher laughed, said it was fine, and continued with whatever she was doing,” he continued. “But in my parent teacher conference soon after, joked that both my mom’s were there.”

Agnes’ mouth dropped open, and mirth dancing in her eyes, she asked, “did she actually?”

“Yup. My mom found it hilarious.”

“As she should!” Agnes laughed, and Ressler just shook his head.

They both stood smiling for a few moments, Agnes presumably at imagining the story and him at seeing her smile, but as it faded, he saw slight apprehension fade back into her face again.
He had a feeling that she felt that she needed to say something about her slip up, but truly she didn’t.
“Look,” he said, seeing the hesitation on her face. “I’m Ress, your adult, and you’re my Keen girl,” he reassured. “Maybe normal families would find that weird, but we’ve been through so much that they never have and never will, so we can just ignore them. Whatever works for us, works for us, okay?”
She nodded, seeming more sure of herself, and with a small smile, he added, “no stress, okay? What we have right now works and is good. No need for anything else.”

She studied him for a few seconds before wrapping him in a tight hug. He couldn’t help his smile and wrapped his arms around her the best he could given that her backpack was still hanging over one shoulder.
“Thanks, Ress,” she mumbled against him.

“Of course,” he smiled, rubbing her back.
They stayed like that for a few seconds before she pulled away, and glancing at his watch, Ressler said, “okay, it really is time to go now.”

Agnes checked her own as well before nodding, slinging her backpack on properly, and while putting his shoes on, she said, “yup, gotta go. Only because I don’t want to be late for the trip,” she added as he looked at her and the growing cheeky smile on her face. “And not because, if we stay any longer, I’m going to have to do the math of how to fit this whole house into my bag.”

Ressler couldn't help his laugh as he grabbed his briefcase and Agnes grabbed her jumper, both at her sarcasm and relief that she was now comfortable enough to joke about it.
“Well,” he said, ushering her out of the door. “Don’t come running to me if you get sick because of this trip,” he joked while locking up behind them.

“Please,” she said as they walked towards the car. “If anything, I can see you running to the doctor if I get so much as a sniffle.”

He grinned as they got in.
“I can neither confirm nor deny that acquisition.”
Agnes rolled her eyes, but there was an obvious fondness in them, and chest warm, Ressler drove off with a smile still on his face.

Chapter Text

10am on a Saturday morning, and Ressler was going over a case file while drinking his coffee.
Agnes was still sleeping, but he wasn't one of those people who insisted children get up early for absolutely no reason, so he didn't mind, enjoying the stillness of the room while he worked.
Given it was a weekend, he'd made himself comfortable on the couch, spreading out the files and reports over the coffee table.
He made a few connections and wrote down which leads he'd need to follow up on when he got back into the office on Monday, when he heard Agnes' door open.
“Morning,” he said, but stilled as he looked up, taking in her slight frown, wringing hands, and the way she couldn't seem to stand still.
“What's wrong?”

Not quite meeting his eyes, adding to his worry, she haltingly got out, “I, uh… I just got my… my first period.”

Oh.

He put down the paper he'd been holding.
What was the correct response here?
“Congratulations?” he hesitantly replied.

“Thanks,” she deadpanned, finally looking him in the eye, all hints of nervousness and embarrassment immediately vanishing.

Okay. Maybe not the best response.

His initial reaction was to feel and act awkward but he wasn't going to allow himself to do that.
Obviously this day had been inevitable, so he really should've planned for it in order to not be the useless adult figure he was acting like at the moment.
“Okay,” he said while standing up, trying to figure out what to do next. “Um, how about I go to the store and get you some, some things.”
She nodded, the awkwardness back.
Damn. He really wasn't doing a good job here.

After being partnered with Liz for countless years, it was inevitable that she'd talked about her period with him, so remembering those conversations, he asked while grabbing his car keys, “do you prefer pads or tampons?”

“I don't know.”

He spun around.
“You don't know?”

“It's my first period, remember?” she instantly replied, clearly irritated.
Yeah okay. That was fair.

He felt a sudden pang in his chest.
If Liz were here, she'd know what to do.

God he missed her.

Remembering his mother's words to call whenever he needed something and knowing she meant it, he asked Agnes, "is it okay if I call mom and ask for her help?"
She looked hesitant at first, but clearly deciding his mom would be a lot better at dealing with this than him, nodded.

He grabbed his phone from under one of the reports, patting the couch next to him as he sat back down. She plopped down just as his mom picked up.
“Good morning, Donnie! How are -”

“Hey mom,” he cut in. “Sorry, but it's a bit of an emergency.”

“What's wrong?”

“We're okay,” he quickly replied. “But Agnes has just gotten her first period.”

“Ah,” his mother replied, her voice full of understanding. “That must've been quite a shock for her.”

“Yeah it was,” she added from next to him with a slightly humourless laugh.

“You're on speakerphone,” he uselessly added.

“Hello my darling,” his mom's voice warmly greeted. “How are you holding up?”

“Okay,” Agnes replied with a shrug. “It was just… a bit of a surprise.” His mom made a noise of understanding, and giving him a side glance with a sudden teasing glint in her eye, Agnes turned back to the phone and said, “Ress is making things a lot worse though.”

“What?” he exclaimed as his mom laughed. Had he really done that bad of a job? “How?”

Laughing lightly in what he knew was her up to no good laugh, she told his mom, “after I first let him know, he told me congratulations.”

“Oh, Donnie!” his mom said through a new and louder round of laughter, Agnes joining in.

He didn't like this at all.

Slightly self-consciously, he mumbled, “well I thought, given that it's a sign of becoming a woman and all that, that -”
The two of them burst into yet another round of laughter, Agnes next to him holding her sides and shaking from laughing so hard.
He hated this.
“Fine,” he huffed out. “Now that I've clearly very successfully fulfilled my role as family comedian,” he said, talking louder than normal to be heard over their laughter. “Do you mind telling me what I need to buy, mom?”

“Of course, dear,” she said, her laughter finally dying down. Agnes eventually quietened as well, but looked at him with shining, mirth filled eyes, and while he wasn't overly fond of being the butt of the joke, he didn't mind it too much given her reaction.
“Because it's your first period,” his mom said to Agnes. “It's best you start off with pads given that they're the easiest to use, and then you can try tampons.” Agnes nodded, now listening intently. “Based on whichever one you prefer,” his mother continued. “There are more sustainable options like period underwear and period cups.”

Feeling like this conversation would take some time, and the fact that he felt like he didn't need to be here for this, he cut in, “Ags, how about you call mom from your phone, so I can go and grab the pads.”

She and his mom agreed, and after hanging up from his phone, dialled from hers.
“Hello again, darling,” his mother said as she answered.

Leaving them to talk, he picked up his keys again before asking, “do we need anything else?”

Agnes looked up, about to shake her head when she said, “yeah, we're almost out of milk.”
He nodded, about to leave, but cutting off whatever his mom had started saying on the phone, she added, “also, can you please get ice cream?”

He raised an eyebrow.
“Strawberry rocky road?”

She grinned at him.
“Thanks!”

He shook his head, a smile on his face, before leaving for the supermarket.
He got there not too long later and headed for the Feminine Hygiene aisle.
After surveying all the choices, and wow were there a lot, he decided Teen Light Flow seemed like the best option, so he grabbed that, the milk and the ice cream, and arrived back home soon enough.

He opened the door to see Agnes curled up on the couch, scrolling through her phone.
"Good conversation?" he asked as he put his keys and wallet away.

"Yup," she replied, looking up at him. "She said to call whenever I need to, and that, for my sake, she's going to have the period talk with you."

Ressler rolled his eyes at the mirth in Agnes', and replied "I can't wait," in a sarcastic voice, but smiled as she laughed at him.
He passed her the pads, glad to feel the embarrassment from earlier was no longer in the air and said, “these okay?”

“Yeah, should do,” she said, while standing up. “I'll be back,” she added while walking down the hallway.

He put away the milk, grabbing the ice cream container and walking back to the couch. Realising the table was covered with his files, he started organising them into piles just as Agnes walked back in.
“Everything good?” he asked.

“Yup,” she replied, plopping back down onto the couch. “But,” she continued as he pushed the files to one side. “Though I changed when I came out, my pyjama shorts are stained.”

“That's okay,” Ressler said as he stood back up. “I'll teach you how to get blood stains out of clothes.”

She stared at him.
“You know you sound like a serial killer, right?”

Ressler couldn't help his chuckle.
"Comes with the job, I'm afraid."
She shook her head, but he saw the faint amusement on her face.
"Well that's the period talk out of the way," he said as walked to get spoons. "I guess now I have to prepare for the sex talk."
Even though he was going to absolutely hate it when the time came, he couldn’t help his smile as her sounds of horror followed him into the kitchen.

Chapter Text

Ressler, Aram and Park stood silently, listening as Cooper talked about one of the largest meat import companies which also fronted as an illegal smuggling ring. When he was done, they divided up the tasks, Ressler going to interview a secretary at the company, Park talking to a spouse, Aram digging up more information.
Cooper was giving them some final information before they left when, feeling a buzzing in his back pocket, his phone suddenly started loudly ringing.

Everyone's eyes turned to him.

In the past he'd have never kept his phone in his pocket during work, and certainly not unmuted, but ever since he'd become Agnes' guardian, he'd made the change.
Apologising, he pulled his phone out, ready to ignore it if it wasn’t Agnes, but recognizing the school's number, his chest tightened.
He immediately answered.
“Donald Ressler speaking.”

“Mr Ressler, this is Principal Jones here from Agnes' school.”

The man paused, clearly waiting for some sort of acknowledgement, and only just stopping himself from yelling at the man to tell him what was wrong, said, “yes. What happened?”

“There's been an incident here and there was some violence involved.”

“Is Agnes okay?” he immediately got out, feeling everyone's eyes drill into him, sudden tension in the room at his words.

There was a pause before, in a clearly disapproving voice, the man said, “she was the perpetrator.”

“Oh,” he said, his almost suffocating panic suddenly diffusing.

“Given that she injured another child, this is a very serious situation Mr Ressler. I'll need you to come to my office after school so we can discuss it.”

Confused, because he knew Agnes was not a violent person, he slowly nodded, replying, “yes, of course.”

“See you then,” the man sternly said before hanging up.

“Is Agnes okay?” Aram immediately asked.

“There was some kind of violent situation,” he explained while putting his phone back. “Agnes was the one who injured another kid, though.”

“What?”
“No way!”
“She did?”

He distractedly nodded, thinking over what he'd just heard. Sure Agnes was excelling at kickboxing, but she was not a violent natured person by any means. He knew her. If she was using violence against someone, there was a reason, and he instinctively knew that it'd be a good one.
“There's clearly a lot more to the story,” he said out loud.

“Definitely,” Cooper said, his voice firm. “Agnes is a good girl. She knows what's right and wrong.”

“For sure,” Aram loyally nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly. “Let's be honest,” he added, looking at Ressler. “She was probably following in your and Liz's footsteps, standing up to a bully or something.”
Ressler softly smiled. If Agnes turned out like Liz, and he felt that she definitely already was, he would be beyond proud.

Realising something though, he turned to Cooper and said, “I have to meet with the principal after school, and given that interviews can be uncertain with how long they go, do you mind if -”

“Of course,” Cooper said, nodding. “Aram can go talk to the secretary and you can go over the files we have until you need to leave.”
Aram nodded, happy with the new plan.
Ressler thanked them, beyond grateful. As his mother had reassured, it took a village to raise a child, and other than his immediate family, the family he'd made here at the post office was certainly part of that village.
Reshuffling the tasks, they all left to do their thing, Ressler taking the files to his office to go over them.

Two hours later, seeing that he should leave, he reorganised everything he'd been working on, but before heading out, he climbed up the stairs and poked his head through Cooper's office door.
“I'm heading to the school now.”

Cooper looked up from the file in his hands.
“Let me know if you need anything,” he offered, Ressler knowing he meant it.

“Will do,” he replied, once again grateful.
Cooper nodded and Ressler left, soon in his car and on the way to the school.
He couldn't help but feel strangely nervous.
He was obviously the adult figure for Agnes, but he wasn't a parent, and he had absolutely no idea how he was meant to react to this situation in front of the principal and the other child's parent who would presumably be there.
He was still mulling it over when he arrived, but climbing out the car, decided that his job as Agnes' adult was to have her back and that was what he'd do.
He walked through the building and the children who were still in the hallways, remembering the layout and heading straight to the office.
“Principal Jones is expecting me,” he said to the secretary, and as she nodded, he opened the door and walked in.

As he had done countless times, he surveyed the scene in a few seconds.

The principal, an old white man, was sitting behind a large desk. Sitting to the side in a chair was a tall gangly boy, in the awkward stages of growing up, but the notable thing about him at the moment was his slightly bloody, busted up nose and his wrapped and elevated ankle.
Huh. Agnes got him good.
Next to him stood a furious looking woman, clearly the boy's mother, a protective hand on the back of the chair.
To the other side was Agnes, slumped down in her chair, seemingly not caring, but the way she fiddled with her fingers let him know that that wasn't the case.
As she looked up to meet his gaze, there was suddenly a defiant look in her eyes, telling him she was sticking by her actions no matter what anybody said, further confirming there was more to it than what the principal had said.
Liz had raised a good kid with a strong moral compass.
If she was defending her violent actions, the boy had clearly deserved it.

“Mr Ressler,” the principal gravely greeted.

He nodded in reply, about to ask for exactly what had happened, when the mother immediately burst out, “that girl is a danger to students! Look at what she did to my poor Charlie!” she added, gesturing to the beat up boy who was refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

Ressler felt his anger rise at her words, but before reacting to anything, he turned to Agnes, softening his face slightly and giving a small nod to reassure her that he had her back.
Her fingers stopped moving and she sat up straighter.
Happy, he turned to the still screeching woman, and giving her a stern glare, her face faltering slightly, he turned to the principal and asked, “what exactly happened?”

“She beat up my boy is what happened!” The irritating lady half yelled. “Look at the -”

“I was asking,” Ressler tried to calmly get out. “Principal Jones.”

“Yes, well,” the old man said before the woman could continue. “Agnes here punched Charlie in the face, making his nose bleed. We were very lucky it didn't break.”
Ressler gave Agnes a quick look, and judging by her barely hidden eye roll, he suspected she'd wanted it to break.
He was now very interested to hear what the boy had done.
“She also pushed him over,” the old man continued. “And given the way he fell and landed, he sprained his ankle. Once again,” Jones said, giving him a pointed look, “it was very lucky she didn't break it.”

Ressler nodded.
“Not a good situation I know, but -”

“Not good? Agnes has -”

“But”, Ressler angrily growled out, cutting off yet another one of the woman's interruptions.
She was seriously on his last nerve.
“Before we go pointing fingers, we should hear the whole story.”

“What else do we need to know?” the irritating screeching woman immediately interrupted.
The only thing keeping Ressler from knocking her out to keep her silent for at least a few minutes was that it would reflect badly on Agnes and he just couldn't have that.
“Agnes here could've put my boy into the hospital! As it is, he'll need crutches for weeks and that aside, his ankle is probably permanently weakened! She might've just taken away his future soccer career!”
He opened his mouth to reel in the woman's absolute bullshit, when glaring at Agnes then narrowing her eyes on him, she added, “Agnes is an absolute menace, not only to my boy, but to other children! Given how violent she is, it's surprising she hasn't already put somebody in hospital with life threatening injuries!”

Okay.

That was it.

Ressler had had absolutely enough of this idiotic woman insisting Agnes was some kind of villain and the useless principal doing nothing about it, so he snapped, “I know my daughter and know she'd never act like this without reason,” and cutting off the woman as she opened her mouth to argue, sharply added, “you're acting like your boy is some sort of saint, but given the way he's been suspiciously quiet, I'm going to hazard a guess and say that he's not.”
The boy seemed even more interested in his ankle, and knowing without a doubt that he was right, Ressler glared at the other two adults and snapped, “did anyone even bother asking what he did to deserve it?”
The mother looked outraged at the accusation, but Ressler realised that they hadn't asked, making his anger threaten to overflow.

A guilty look came over the boy's face as everyone in the room turned to look at him.
“Charlie?” Ressler sharply prompted when it was clear that the boy's mother or the useless principal weren’t going to say anything.

“I, uh…” he started saying, struggling to get the words out, but it was clear that he knew what he’d done.
Ressler turned to Agnes, about to ask her to explain given that the boy was so unwilling, but was slightly taken aback by the way she was studying him. Hiding his reaction though and not drawing attention to it, he asked her, “what happened, Ags?”

She snapped out of it, now looking at him with sudden fire behind her eyes.
She was Liz's daughter alright.
“Charlie said some really really rude, really racist, things about my friend Fatima and threatened to pull her scarf off, and I told him that if he dared to try, I would punch him in the face. He just laughed and I warned him again that I would, so when he went to pull it -” she shrugged “- I punched him in the face like I said I would.”
Just like Aram had predicted.
“I was just meant to get his nose,” she admitted. “But the sprained ankle he did to himself. It’s his own fault that he’s so weak that he couldn’t even stay standing after I punched him,” she added, sounding almost disappointed with the boy’s lack of strength.

Ressler held in a smile.
He was so fucking proud of Agnes, and given the identical hidden grin on her face as she looked at him, she was aware of that.
Good.

But, it wouldn't help her case to say that out loud, so making sure his face was stern and disapproving, something that wasn't hard to do, he turned to the mother.
“This is the behaviour you’re proud of, is it? This is the boy you’ve raised?” and giving her a pointed look, added, “though given the boy is young, I wonder where he learnt this disgusting behaviour from.”
He cut her off as she opened her mouth, turning to Jones instead, shaking his head with seething anger lacing his tone. “This is the kind of behaviour this school encourages, huh?”
The man opened his mouth, but Ressler cut him off too, taking control of the room.
“You punish those who stand up for what’s right and protect the ones that spread fear and hate.”
The man's mouth opened and closed like the useless piece of shit he was.
“Maybe,” he added, feeling slight satisfaction at the fear he was going to cause with his next words. “I should look into what other kinds of behaviour this school is encouraging, what other incidents the school has wrongly and unfairly dealt with.”

Ressler knew the old man knew what he did for a living because his face paled slightly.
“Now now, Mr Ressler -”

“It’s Special Agent Ressler,” he snapped, not feeling a shred of guilt at flaunting his position right now.
Turning to the woman, he said, “I'm going to say my next words slowly and clearly so that they sink in.”
She blinked, the principal's fear seeming to make her wary of him as well.
“This is for your benefit Charlie, so listen up.”
The boy looked up, slightly scared.

Good.

"I have been in law enforcement for almost 20 years. That means I've been putting bad people in jail for longer than you've been alive," he said, eyes drilling into the boys'.
Charlie shakily nodded.
"If you continue on this path of hate and discrimination," Ressler continued. "You will be arrested." The boy's eyes widened in fear. "I say that because it's true. I've arrested more people than you could ever be allowed to know, and whatever it's been for, kidnapping, arson, murder, terrorism, the majority of them started out with thinking and behaviour just like yours." The fear was clear in his face. "Do you understand me?"
The boy nodded, trembling slightly.

Good.

His point had hit home.

Turning to Agnes, who was trying her best to hide a satisfied smile, he said, “grab your bag, Ags. Let's go.”

She nodded, picking up her backpack from next to the chair, and as she walked towards him, he turned to Jones with a piercing look.
“I will be talking to the school board about this, or better yet,” he added, knowing it'd be completely overkill but still seething from how they'd treated his girl. “I'll have my boss and close friend who also happens to be Agnes' former guardian, director of the FBI, Harold Cooper to do it instead,” knowing that, given the situation, Cooper wouldn't mind.

He saw the fear set deeper into their faces, and finally satisfied, turned to leave the room. As they were exiting, but still in earshot, Agnes casually said to him, “oh yeah, we're going to Mr Cooper's for game night tomorrow, right?”

Ressler forced himself not to grin.
What an absolute genius and innocent way to prove how close they were.
She grinned up at him as they finally walked out the room and down the hallway, but he quietly said, "unlike those idiots in there, we're going to be graceful winners and not celebrate our victory where they could potentially see."

She thoughtfully nodded, and after a few seconds, asked, "in the car?"

He forced his smile down.
"But yes, we can in the car."
Agnes giggled.

They got into the car, and as they pulled out of the carpark, Ressler suddenly remembered the way she'd studied him. "What happened during that moment?" and when she got out a confused 'huh?', he clarified, "at one point I looked over and you were looking at me like…" he tried to describe it. "Not like I had done something wrong, but like you were studying me."

"Oh," Agnes quietly got out, clearly knowing what he was talking about. "You don't realise you did it?"

He glanced at her, confused and slightly worried, before turning back to the road and saying, "did I say something bad or something wrong?"

"No," she instantly replied. "It's just that…" he glanced at her again, feeling even more worried about her hesitation. "You called me your daughter."

Oh.
He had?
He certainly hadn't meant to, clearly it'd just slipped out, but -
Wait.
Shit.
His mind went back to the argument they'd had all that time ago, about how he wasn't her dad, and sure she'd accidentally called him that one time afterwards, but it hadn't been brought up again, turning into an uncertain, unspoken subject between them, both of them hesitant to bring it up for different reasons.
"I'm so sorry,” he got out. "I didn't mean to -"

“I didn’t mind it,” she quietly interrupted, a hint of a smile in her eyes.

His heart felt like it stopped for a second.
“Oh.”
Looking back to the road as his heartbeat continued, it took him a few seconds before his mind could jumpstart with a response.
Glancing at her, her eyes intently fixed on him, he looked back at the road as he softly said, “I'm glad to hear it.”
Agnes had only said that she didn't mind it, and Ressler knew it certainly wasn't permission to start calling her his daughter. He had done so only as a mistake, and he wasn't about to go about proclaiming to everyone that he was her father. But given the arguments and uncertainties and hesitations they'd had with that word before, this was a huge moment and his chest felt like it was glowing.
He could almost imagine Liz smiling warmly down at them.

"Anyway," Agnes suddenly said, cutting through the tender moment. "I'm not sorry about hitting Charlie, besides," she added in a cheeky voice. "It is kind of fun to hit someone."

Ressler rolled his eyes as he took a left turn, not able to help his muttered, "you definitely get that from Tom."

"You didn't like my dad, huh?"

Knowing she was asking light-heartedly, Ressler replied, "he wasn't my favourite person, no."

There was a pause, then, "was it because he was married to mom?"

That wasn't the only reason, but it admittedly was a main one.
"You're too smart for your own good," he mumbled, but he couldn't help his slight smile as Agnes cackled, clearly very pleased with herself.

Liz had certainly raised one hell of a kid, and after a brief pause, Ressler softly said, "they'd be really proud of you, you know?"

"Yeah?" Agnes replied, her previous exuberance replaced with a gentle smile.

"Yeah," he confirmed. "Both your parents were strong and skilled fighters, with an even stronger sense of justice. You got the best of them both, Ags, and they'd definitely be proud of you."

At the silence he got in return, he glanced over at her to see her looking at him with a slightly sad smile, and as he turned back to the road, she said, "thanks Ress. That's really… really nice to hear."
"Of course," he replied, and after a pause, she softly added, "but I learnt that from you too, you know."

The previous chest glowing returned in full force, almost bringing tears to his eyes.
“Thank you, Ags,” and glancing at her as she smiled warmly at him, he added, “that means a lot.”

“It's just the truth,” she softly replied, and the threat of tears felt stronger.
He loved this kid, and though of course he wished circumstances were different, he was glad to have her in his life.
In the comfortable silence of the car, he let out a shaky breath then blinked a few times.

For Agnes’ sake he'd been trying to channel Liz and her way of feeling and acknowledging emotions, and while he was making progress, he was coming up to the limit of what he could handle.
Clearing his throat, he asked, “pizza for dinner?”
Her loud laughter filled the car and he glanced at her with a bewildered look before turning back to the road.
“What?”

“I knew my compliments would bribe you!” and as she reached for his phone, presumably to order said pizza, Ressler could only laugh and shake his head.