Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Is this a curse? Or some kind of punishment? I often think about the god who blessed us with this cryptic puzzle...

If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, god help you.

--------

The Insertion

The Kingdom of the Night.

A poetic term, certainly, for the ever-shrouded half of the planet. It would have been a site of massive scientific inquiry, if it weren't for the conquest of the machine lifeforms. As it was, the Americas were considered the central land of the enemy, their first conquest and the final and distant battlefield in the war--likely not to come for centuries yet at the least. There were plans, certainly, for the assault--plans for defense should the machines opt to launch out of it. Yet for millennia, all the fighting had wavered on the periphery, taking place under the increasingly harsh eye of the sun. The Kingdom of the Night, for most androids, was a mysterious land of freezing shadows, villainous machines, and the unique life forms that had managed to eke out a living without the heat of the sun. A place of dreams and nightmares, not substance.

So for YoRHa flight units to be penetrating the atmosphere above the very heart of the Kingdom of the Night?

"Enemy units spotted!"

"Begin evasive maneuvers."

It was something worth noting.

Pellets of energy lit the darkened sky, painting it with silhouettes of the machine's circular forms and the angular pattern of the flight units. An explosion illuminated the clouds, almost--almost--drowning out the wail of pain that was cut off by the comms.

"13B down." The voice was dispassionate, the face expressionless. "We have engaged the enemy." Perhaps, in the darkness, a pair of gloved hands clutched tighter on the flight sticks... a motion that would not be noticed by anybody not looking directly at them.

"Understood. Remember: the Scanner units take priority."

"Noted." There were still four--

"AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYEEEEEE--!!"

--three scanner units in the squadron. "5S down."

"11B, 20B. You are reassigned to group Beta and Delta."

"Copy that." The two flew back, joining the other orbits. "Don't worry, Thurt. We'll avenge you."

"Focusing on the mission is your top priority."

"And killing machines will keep the Scanners safe! Don't be such a hardass, 2B!"

The quiet tch in reply was drowned out by the growl of machine rotors, and the world became a sea of red. Crimson light reflected off the dark metal of the flight units as they weaved through the field of death, and a few times the expressions of their blindfolded pilots. Terror. Rage. And above all, determination. The triangular fliers ratcheted panels and levers, shifting to a bipedal form that flew on wings of technology, and the red light was answered in kind by bolts of pure white, illuminating the enemy's own dirty bronze shells.

"6B down!"

For every scream, three dozen machines were felled.

"36B down! Switching to group Alpha!"

And yet....

"TWENT! TWENT, NO!"

...they still kept coming. And coming. And coming.

"11B down." 2B's hands tightened. "10S down."

"Why are we even doing this? What does command think we're going to find out here?"

The crimson light revealed the aggravation on 2B's face as her own doubts were unwittingly echoed. "Don't get distracted, 9S. Focus on surviving."

"....This is 4S. Group Delta is all yours."

2B looked across the patchwork illumination. "What?"

"Only one Scanner needs to get to the destination. You'll have an easier time protecting one of us than two."

Her eyes widened behind her blindfold as she saw one of the flight units break off. "4S, you are hereby commanded to return to formation and--"

"HEY YOU METAL BASTARDS! LOOK AT ME!" A flurry of white light struck out at the surrounding forms, drawing their attention for a few brief and glorious moments. Then there was another explosion.

"...4S down. All units are to protect 9S."

"...Copy that, 2B."

Half their number down, and still they pressed on. The clouds roiled with white and red, sometimes chiming in with gold lightning of their own. Every kilometer was a struggle.

"31B down."

"6H down."

"19B down..."

Unseen in the chaos, the gloved hands were now practically locked on the flight sticks.

"7B down."

"33B down."

"Hold on!" 9S called. "Something's happening!"

2B hid her surprise well, even as she witnessed the machines drawing back. Retreating--no... simply holding position. "...Keep alert. There might be a new machine weapon--"

A comm screen opened in front of her eyes. From the faint pinpricks out of the corners of her eyes, 2B could see the other two remaining androids were also being contacted. The image on the screen was... a machine face, round and featureless save for a pair of glowing lights.

"YoU HaVE eNTeRED ReSTRiCTED TeRRiToRy," a voice warbled. "CoNTiNuE aT YoUR oWN PeRiL."

2B frowned. "Threats, from a machine?"

"THiS iS NoT a THReAT. THiS iS a WaRNiNG. THeRE iS a GRaVE DaNGeR iN THiS LaND. iF YoU PRoVoKE HeR, We WiLL NoT SaVE YoU."

2B cut off the communication.

"Intimidation tactics... I didn't think the machines were capable of it," 9S mused.

"Stay focused. Status check."

"Wasn't hit, ma'am. 7B?"

"My flight unit's damaged, but not irreparable. I'll have my Pod look it over when we land. Don't want to blow up on the way back to the bunker."

2B looked over her own metrics. "Minor abrasive damage to the outer hull."

She allowed herself a glance back, toward the ominous watching wall of red dots.

 "...Command. We are approaching the target location. The squadron has been reduced to myself, 7B, and 9S."

"Understood. Continue with your mission. We cannot allow the sacrifice of your squadmates to amount to nothing."

"Copy that."

2B shut the channel, letting the thrum of the flight unit's engines paint the darkness beneath the distant stars.

"...If you provoke her."

"What was that, 9S?"

"Just... why did they say 'her?'" the Scanner asked. "Why not 'it?' Why would the machines give this 'threat' a gender?"

"Don't let it get to you, soldier," 7B advised. "The machines are probably trying to rattle you. Most likely it doesn't mean anything."

"Yeah, I guess not. Still--"

"Focus on the mission," 2B commanded. "We'll be landing in t-minus three minutes."

"...Yes ma'am."

Twixt the sun and the planet floated an array of space stations, sterile and utilitarian. Their circular forms watched the Kingdom of the Day, monitoring every move of the slow but unending battle below. And at the center, in a room where bright white and hard black faded together into muted gray, multitudes of androids worked on their consoles, coordinating the constant array of strike forces from behind their veils.

Above them all, imposing and silent, the commander watched on. Across from her a great screen dominated the wall, information scrolling along the sides and the motto of the group tracking along the top as a stylized globe dominated the center. Most days it would highlight the theatres of war; the largest landmass, and all the small islands about them. Yet today...

Her grey eyes focused on the image before her, of the two continents that made the Kingdom of the Night.

An insertion so deep into enemy territory was risky. Had any other even suggested it, they would have been dismissed as foolish--or worse. But nobody questioned the commander.

Not even when her fingers brushed across the odd white sphere beside her.

And far away, quite literally at the opposite side of the globe, a yellow light peered up. Up through metal, and stone, and dirt, to watch something that could not possibly be visible through all the interfering matter.

"Oh my. It would seem we have guests."

Chapter Text

Test Chamber 1: Cube and Button Based Testing

"Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center."

The whoosh of a door made 2B's eyes snap open, and she looked around in confusion.

"Your specimen has been processed, and we are ready to begin the test proper."

She stood in a transparent tube, in an unmarked cylindrical room, surrounded by a circle of screens with a rotating logo that was split only by the metal stairs directly in front of her.

"Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun, and learning are the primary goals of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur."

How did she get here...? The flight units had landed, and she and 9S had walked off to begin surveying the area while 7B ran some basic repairs...

"Fortunately, you have passed our endangerment reaction examination with a grade of { ADEQUATE }."

2B reached for her sword--and found nothing. She looked down at herself--still wearing her YoRHa uniform, but without any equipment. Without even her pod.

"You are therefore qualified to begin these tests."

"Who are you?" 2B demanded.

"Please proceed into the test chamber so that we may begin."

"...Damn." 2B snorted. "An automatic system." She stepped out of the tube, looking around the room more carefully. The ceiling... and the floor, actually, held massive rotors behind plastic barriers. The screens were all a bright blue, with that logo--a white circle split into eight parts--orbiting around them constantly. And up the stairs... a hall, of dark metal panels. Forboding, and yet...

...something about the sterile metal, and the massive screens... it felt somewhat familiar. Not like the Bunker, but almost...

With great care 2B ascended the stairs, keeping her eyes peeled as she approached a round door with a stylized representation of... well, it could have been an android, or a machine. She wasn't sure, and the door opened swiftly before she could make a full comparison.

The room inside was white with only a few prominent features. Another door was across from her, and a tube with a hatch hung from the ceiling next to a filtered window. She could see a round red dias to her side, and hanging off the wall above it... an egg-shaped camera that turned to look at her the moment the door opened. 2B watched it as she stepped in, noting how it turned to follow her every motion.

The door snapped shut and locked behind her.

"--....right."

2B approached the other door idly, running through her memories as far as she could. Her and 9S had walked into the field of strange fungal ferns, noting the vines tangling through the undergrowth and a few odd creatures with large, twitching ears prowling around. And then...

...and then...

2B leaned against the unopened door. Her memories faded out from there. It wasn't even the sudden cutoff of a death, she was familiar enough with that. No, this was... almost like falling asleep. She knew she hadn't felt tired, she still remembered walking, just...

Well, now she was here. And 9S--

She straightened up quickly, looking around the room again. Her fist rapped the wall experimentally, drew back, and punched through the white wall. She pulled back for another strike--

--and the damaged portion of the wall retracted quickly, sliding up to allow another rectangle of white to slot in.

"Aperture Science Panels are mass-produced and fully configurable, in order to provide you with the most fun and educational science experience possible."

2B stared at the wall, dumbfounded. She looked at the white dust still coating her gloved fist. Her face twisted in determination, and she braced herself for a rapid-fire series of blows--

--then the floor unceremoniously tilted sideways and flipped her onto the ground.

"The Enrichment Center would like to take this time to remind you that you did not sign up to test Panel functionality."

2B flipped to her feet with a scowl, bringing her leg up-- and the tile she stood on slipped to the side.

Over the course of the next minute she fought the room, trying to land a punch, a kick, a headbutt--but the wily panels slipped and shifted around her. For all her strength, for all her power, 2B was faced with a basic principle of physics--without a firm bracing point, she couldn't keep leverage long enough to do more than flail harmlessly against the white rectangles. It was an embarrassingly short time before she was slammed into the ground.

The egg-shaped camera continued watching her.

2B stood up, the glower behind her blindfold the only visible sign of her frustration. She looked away from the camera and turned to the unusual red dias. It was an obvious point of interest, almost painfully so. For a moment, she considered ripping it out of the ground--

--no. Focus on the mission. Destroying this platform wouldn't achieve anything.

With resignation, she stepped onto the dias, quirking an eyebrow as the red circle receded slightly into the ring and lit up. Across the way, the door slid open.

"You have proven to have the capacity to activate the 1500 Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button. However, despite your undeniable talent at this, it is highly suggested you utilize the Weighted Storage Cube, in order to prevent unwarranted strain on the mechanisms."

"Unwarranted...?" 2B cut herself off as the transparent tube hanging in the corner opened, releasing a divoted cube with that strange logo printed on each side. She stepped over to look at it--noting how the dias returned to its former state as the door slid shut--and tapped it thoughtfully. Lifting it with her NFCS was easy, and she was able to toss it over her shoulder onto the dias.

Or... the button.

Why would anybody make a button that big? What was this test even for? 2B stared at it for a moment, before shaking her head and walking through the door.

"Excellent. Please proceed into the chamberlock after completing each test. First, however, note the incandescent particle field across the exit."

It wasn't difficult to notice the glowing blue field between her and the metal stairs, or the rounded projectors to either side of it.

"This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grid will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it - for instance, the Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube."

"What qualifies as unauthorized equipment?" 2B asked. When no answer was forthcoming, she eyed the rounded projectors. Perhaps....

"Abrupt destruction of Emancipation Grill equipment has been known to lead to malfunctions in the inbuilt equipment authorization registry and subsequent indiscriminate vaporization of Aperture products. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin."

2B frowned as she did the mental math. If this could vaporize things that worked at that temprature...

She eyed the field warily. In theory, it made sense for her to be able to pass through safely. She wasn't likely to be unauthorized equipment, after all, and this... 'enrichment center' seemed to want her to perform these odd exercises. Killing her would be counterproductive. Still...

Her eyes turned back to the door she had just passed through.

Then she shook her head. "Focus on the mission."

Bracing her shoulders, she walked through the field--the faint tingle fading quickly as she stepped down the stairs, into a room much like the one she had awoken in. A lift already awaited her, just as featureless and functional as the rest of this... place. The moment she stepped in, the tube shut and she was sent down.

And through the plastic walls of the lift, 2B caught a glimpse of her surroundings. A tangle of transparent tubes and steel girders wove through a space so cavernous that she wouldn't have seen any wall, even if the jumble of blinking lights and dark forms constantly moving through the void didn't block it from her vision. She glimpsed a few cubes whipping by in one direction, one desperately gripped by a machine life-form; they were there and gone before she could even blink. An orange column of light suddenly flashed on in the distance, and she could vaguely make out some... ovoid... thing, rising within it.

"...what is this place?" the android murmured to herself.

Chapter Text

Test Chamber 2: Portals

The next chamber had no introductory voice over the loudspeaker. Instead, the screens scrolled through an image of... what appeared to be an einstein-rosen bridge. 2B wasn't sure what relevance theoretical physics had; from what she understood, quantum interference had resulted in most practical attempts at teleportation ending with the subject suffering innumerable micro lacerations and, in essence, being reduced to chunks. Direct upload to prepared bodies was much more practical--and more importantly, much more possible, even if it was difficult for non-YoRHa models.

Was this some sort of scientific facility? It would explain why she was passing through 'test chambers,' even if she didn't know what was being tested.

The caution with which she exited the elevator was very familiar to her--even after a battle had ended there could be surviving machines, after all. The stairs and door seemed practically identical to the last one, but the moment she stepped in 2B noticed a significant difference. A short drop led to a room split in four by glass walls--a central chamber surrounded by three small rectangles, splitting a button, a cube, and the exit among them. The glass walls didn't seem to be panels, so--maybe--she could smash through them... if the floor remained stable.

Without hesitation, 2B dropped from the ledge. The moment her boots hit the floor, she heard a strange schwing sound behind her, as if 60 had been turned into the world's most enthusiastically cheerful sword for half a second; she spun and witnessed an orange oval between two projectors, through which she could see an exact copy of the chamber, right down to another B unit--

...no.

No, that was her, moving in exactly the same way. And, turning to look through the glass, she saw a similar blue oval where she expected a camera, showing a scene from the orange one's angle--for a moment, before it flashed away, reappearing in a different segment of the chamber. It wasn't difficult to determine that the blue oval jumped behind each glass wall in turn.

It could have been a holographic projection. It would be logical to assume it to be a holographic projection, if unusual in design. And yet... 2B looked back at the entry door, remembering the image of the einstein-rosen bridge.

She shook her head. It was impossible, there had been so many recorded instances of failure. If her pod was here, she could even cite them. Her original plan of smashing through the glass was less risky than trusting these things, and that was assuming they were real, not holographic projections. She walked over to a glass wall, pulling her fist back--

"The Enrichment Center would like to take this time to remind you, again, that you did not sign up to test Panel functionality."

That same announcement...

2B glared at the egg-like camera from behind her blindfold. "You cannot expect me to believe you have somehow managed to create a safe and functioning einstein-rosen bridge with a relocatable endpoint. The destructive properties of quantum foam during teleportation are well-documented."

Schwing went the oval, as its endpoint shifted again.

2B stood there, staring at the camera, for a full minute.

Two... and there was no reaction from her mysterious watcher.

Ten....

After thirty minutes of nothing, 2B took a deep breath. "I suppose I've had worse deaths." She approached the orange oval with trepidation, looking through it as it shifted. Cube... button... door. Cube, button, door. The pattern was obvious, and if this was real, she could easily rush through it in less than a minute.

If it was real.

If it didn't kill her.

2B braced herself, watching the image flickering through the orange oval. She still couldn't believe it, but with the only other option being losing another fight with the floor, she had to try.

Button... door... NOW!

There was a noise as she rushed through, an odd sort of warbling metal chime, but she didn't focus on it--grabbing the cube and dragging it through just before the oval shifted and tossing it onto the button. She had just long enough to stare, just long enough to process the impossible thing that had just happened, before the image shifted once more and she ran through, running into the exit door.

"Well done, { SUBJECT NAME HERE }. You have successfully completed this basic test in the longest amount of time on record."

2B leaned against the plastic tube, looking at her gloved hands. "...that was impossible," she murmured. Her gaze turned to the screens, where the einstein-rosen bridge was still being illuminated. "All YoRHa records..." She was sure the records said they were impossible. If she had access to the network she could prove it. But without her pod, or 9S's collection of random trivia, she couldn't be sure. And, well... she'd just demonstrated that the strange ovals actually functioned. That alone could change so much.

Well, if she could get the technology back to YoRHa. It might well be embedded in the walls. Or... panels...

She shook her head. It didn't matter if this place had a way to wipe out all the machines and end the war, she wouldn't get anywhere without finding her companions. Two androids and three pods in this massive mechanical maze... it wouldn't be easy. But she didn't survive so long against the machines by lying down and letting events pass over her. She stood, giving one last thoughtful glower to the screens and their impossible image, and walked into the plastic tube itself, sighing as the lift descended back into the metal jungle.

"Psst! Over here!"

The android looked out the plastic tube, eyes widening at what she saw descending alongside her. "What--?"

"Shhh!!" What looked for all the world like a red metal eyeball with a crescent-shaped grey iris glanced around rapidly, before focusing in on her again. "Listen: The panels in the test chambers malfunction sometimes, right? So you need to pay very close attention to them."

"Ah--"

"But don't say anything about it," the ball continued, clenching its handles and narrowing its eye. "This is strictly off the record, and we can't embarrass the boss, right? Just keep an eye out. Quietly. Just in case."

"But--"

"Shhhshsh! Remember, we never had this conversation, and you don't have any idea who I am!"

2B blinked behind her blindfold, reaching out as the ball zipped away on a long winding rail. "Wait--!" But it was already far too late, as the mysterious sphere had vanished into the distance.

"...what the hell?" she asked, increasingly baffled.

Chapter Text

Test Chamber 3: Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device

"In the event you notice dermal faults such as patches of loosened connection, partial fraying, or liquidation, the Enrichment Center advises that you do not panic. This is a rare but known reaction of the plastics used in android construction being partially or totally emancipated by the Emancipation Grill and should not affect your test performance."

2B clapped her hands to her cheeks involuntarily, quickly checking herself as she stepped out of the lift. Fortunately, the warning seemed to be unnecessary. Still, the idea of losing her skin was... unnerving. It wasn't as though she'd never seen an android without skin, there were plenty of bodies on the battlefield after all, but....

The next chamber had a glass wall overlooking a square pit. As she passed by, she noted the odd device in the center of the pit--a clawed cylinder, surrounded by ovoid white plates; there was a simple elegance to the shape that bespoke to devoted craftsmanship. The pedestal it was on turned, and it launched a bolt of light at a near wall--

For the second time in as many hours, 2B witnessed the impossible: the creation of a hole in reality. A gateway... not just one produced on a wall, but fired from something she could hold. There didn't seem to be any wires connected to it, no secret generator in the walls, just something she could walk down and grab. The short stairway of panels only reinforced that impression. Could it really be so simple?

She descended to a small antechamber just in time to witness another portal open up on the wall. Through it she could see the device that defied the fundamental laws of reality, just waiting for her to walk through and take it. It couldn't possibly be that easy... every weapon 2B had ever held had required effort to acquire, be it through raising funds to purchase it or simply earning it through trial. This wonder being handed to her so easily violated any metric of common logistical sense. There was simply no way such a precious and powerful object existed in quantities numerous enough to be handed to random individuals.

And yet.

There it was.

2B could just take it.

Just walk through, listening to the odd warped chime of her passage.

Step across the panels she knew to be mounted on robotic arms.

Watch it rotate on its pedestal. Fire another bolt of light, open another portal.

Reach out with a gloved hand...

"Very good! You are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. With it, you can create your own portals. These intra-dimensional gates have proven to be completely safe. The Device, however, has not."

2B sighed, nodding at the announcement. Of course it wouldn't be so easy.

"Do not touch the operational end of The Device. Do not look directly at the operational end of The Device. Do not submerge The Device in liquid, even partially. Most importantly, under no circumstances should you consider signing contracts which grant the device to outside groups, such as Black Mesa, the Hamelin Organization, or the Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Playplace Restaurant Chain."

"...Well, I've never heard of any of them," the android said dryly.

"For more information on how federal and corporate contracts can and have affected the fabric of reality, please attend an Aperture Science legal cosmic law seminar."

2B looked at the strange object in her hands. The power to break the fundamental laws of the universe, resting lightly in her grip. A single object, so readily given... but then, she was apparently testing it. Test chambers. For ensuring this thing functioned, and, perhaps, what would happen if it didn't. It made some degree of sense.

Her fingers curled around the handle hidden in the rear casing, carefully aiming it at a wall with the forward grip. A twist, and the ball of light spat out of the claw, hitting the wall and spreading into a blue oval opening into another room. So simple in operation, even with the small amount of kickback. A twist the other direction did nothing, to 2B's mild surprise. She aimed at another wall, firing again, watching another portal open to the same space; the first, it seemed, had vanished. Unless they were the same portal and she'd just... moved it...?

The room she stepped into was fairly simple, it seemed. There was a button on the floor in front of her, a closed door to her left, and a small pit beneath a cube-dispensing tube to her right. The only other feature was the orange portal behind her... and the camera on the wall. One didn't need to be a genius to recognize the necessary steps to get out of the room.

The door itself, however, opened to a massive chasm. 2B could see the pistons and rails extending far into the fog below her, and more tubes and chambers to either side. She glanced up just in time to glimpse the red orb from before they vanished from sight, zipping along on their rail. And across the way, lined with white walls, was another half a room.

She looked again at the device in her hands. Such a useful tool this place had provided... and now, it seemed, one that was near certain to be necessary.

The ball of light flew across the gap in an instant, showing her a vision of where she stood across the void. A space of decameters, crossed with a single footstep. And there was a door, yes, with another button--2B casually tossed the cube through the portal, shutting one door and opening another. This one led to the tight hall and stairs of a chamberlock, complete with... what had that voice called it? An Emancipation Grill?

As she passed through the disturbing blue field, the device in her hands twitched; another strange sound, like a ripple through static, made her turn back to see the portal she had just fired was gone. She looked at the wall, then the field, then down at the device again. A few experimental blasts at the field demonstrated the ball of light shattering against it.

"Well," 2B muttered. "That will affect things going forward." Offhandedly, she tried firing at a few other surfaces, finding none of them able to hold a portal. Not the metal grate of the stairs, not the yellow panels around her, not the screens displaying a blueprint of the device itself--

She paused, staring at the video for a moment. With every run-through of the short video, her disbelief at what she held increased. Dyes to color the portals...? A miniature black hole?! Microgrenades to restart the black hole?!?

Was this entire place the dream of some mad scientist?

Chapter Text

Test Chamber 4: High Energy Pellets and Thermal Discouragement Beams

"As part of a required test protocol, we will not monitor the next test chamber. You will be entirely on your own. Good luck!"

2B glanced at the egglike camera as she stepped through the door. "Somehow, I doubt that."

Her eyes ran over the content of this test chamber. A glowing orb of energy--yellow, instead of the red of the Machines--was lazily buzzing up and down. A cube with circular glass panels rested on a platform above her. A pile of bronze scrap metal, with a visible machine head, was scattered haphazardly in one corner--but as she watched, the wall opened up and swept it all into a powerful vacuum tube, before settling back into its usual dormant state. Odd technological devices were embedded into the ceiling and floor and, ah yes, on either side of the orange portal to her left.

This was the first time she had really been able to observe a portal in an... inert form. 2B watched the fractal waves of the orange field for a moment. It reminded her of the ocean, in a way, and the mission where she and 9S--

That train of thought was forcibly shut down. She couldn't afford to lose her cool. Not here. Not until she had a better understanding of this place, and her role in it.

2B jolted when the energy orb loudly exploded. Before she had time to process it, the device in the ceiling unfolded, releasing another orb that bounced gently against the ceiling. She watched it warily, looking around the test chamber. No buttons, and the only cube was one with... lenses. Those were lenses.

She watched the orb bounce up and down, until it exploded again. And then, once more, the machine unfolded.

"Hm."

2B looked at the device in her hand.... and then the platform with the cube.

It wasn't difficult to fire a portal up to the platform with a cube, and she easily brought it over to the orb--which bounced off it at an awkward angle, drifting around the chamber and leaving burn marks with nonchalant malevolence. It was slow enough that 2B managed to avoid it, swinging the cube as it passed and sending it lethargically careening on another trajectory until, at last, it hit one of the devices in the wall--a white circle that started sparking as its black claws folded back.

The other device in the wall turned out to be a thin red laser. 2B watched it carefully, waiting for it to expand into a more potent beam of energy; a minute later, when it failed to melt through the wall, she relaxed.

Her gaze fell on the strange lens cube. With a casual flick of her NFCS, she tossed it in the direction of the laser; the red beam entered one side and exited what looked like a focusing lens. A way to redirect lasers, then. Useful, in... theory...

2B looked to the ceiling and sighed. "Ah. A receiver." She ran a few mental calculations, shot a portal on the floor, and oriented the cube to send the laser through it to the ceiling-mounted receiver. As soon as the input was arranged, a door opened.

"As part of a required test protocol, our previous statement suggesting that we would not monitor this chamber was an outright fabrication."

"I am not surprised," the android muttered as she stepped into the chamberlock, glancing briefly at the animated depiction of the laser being projected from a curved dish on the screens before stepping into the lift.

"Hey there!"

2B looked out of the lift. The metal red orb with the crescent-shaped iris was back. "Hello again."

"Again...? Oh! You must have met my sister. We're twins."

"...Twins."

The metal eyeball chuckled, rolling its... self. "I know, I know, but trust me--we're very different when you get to know us. Plus our eyes look different. The crescents are mirrored, mine points left and hers points right."

2B frowned, running through her memory files. It... seemed to be the case.

"Anyway, I'm just passing by on my way to another sector, and I noticed you in here! How are you doing? Testing track treat you well?"

"It's... not exactly something I was trained for," 2B admitted. "And it seems a touch... haphazard."

"Whadaya mean?"

"Well, those energy orbs--"

"Pellets."

"...Energy pellets," 2B corrected, "are highly inefficient ways to power systems. The laser makes a degree of sense--"

"You mean the thermal discouragement beam?"

"...as...a data stream, is it really meant to discourage heat?"

"No no no. It's meant to discourage misbehavior through intense heat, keep workers at their desks. Or," the metal eyeball tilted thoughtfully, "it was, originally, and then it was repurposed. You'll find a lot of repurposed tech here."

"Really," 2B deadpanned.

"Yep! The energy pellets were supposed to be mining tools, cores like me were originally meant to be alarm clocks, and what you're holding started life as a shower curtain!"

The android stared at the device in her hands. "...it... creates portals," she pointed out.

"Yeah." The metal eyeball nodded. "Always has."

"...This started life as a shower curtain?"

"Being fair, Aperture got its start selling shower curtains. Waaaaaaaaaay back in the day. Didn't really switch to science until they started building this place." The eyeball spun in an enthusiastic gesture. "Test subjects going through testing tracks, day in and out, it sure was something."

2B sighed. "I suppose it must have been. Were they human?"

"Huh?"

"The test subjects."

"Oh! Well... the first ones were," the eyeball said. "Nowadays, though... anyway, my split's coming up. It was nice talking with you--!"

"Wait!" 2B pressed her hand against the plastic. "There's another android, 9S. I think he's in here somewhere, maybe. And our pods, 042 and 153--"

"I'll keep an ear out, but I can't promise anything. It's a big facility. Oh, and I'm not supposed to talk to test subjects anyway, so you know, you never saw me, okay?" The red metal eyeball winked--or maybe just blinked--and then zipped away on its rail.

2B let out a low breath. This situation was getting increasingly... bizarre.