Chapter Text
"Yes, I know that you're not very happy about the idea of selling your land, you've said so." Marcy had never thought that she'd be the one to rule a kingdom. Well, she had, only in video games, though. But video games were very different when compared to real life, she was coming to realize. And that honestly, being a queen was so much less exciting than games made them out to be. Like, sure, she got magic powers (Thank you calamity gems), and she had dealt with multiple attempts on her life, but she never got to do anything with them. All her powers went to was keeping her alive, and she never got to fight any assassins, because they always had the worst timing. They always picked when her wives were around to make an attack, which was really stupid considering that both Sasha and Anne had reputations as being A.F.B's (Absolute Fucking Badasses, an acronym of Marcy's own creation).
Wait, what was she supposed to be doing? Oh right, the frogs. Who weren't selling their land. And were putting up a very big fuss that Marcy had already heard before, she already exhausted these dialogue options, why did she have to hear them again? Honestly, most days being a queen was like customer service. She'd never worked customer service, exactly, but she'd had the internet. She knew what that was like.
Part of her just wanted to say 'fuck it' and imprison the frogs. Just- slap 'em in chains and take all their land for her own without having to pay for it. Goodness knows she could eventually find a good reason to arrest them.
...But no, then she'd be no better than him , and she was determined to be better. She could do this without going down the renegade route, she could bring Amphibia into a time of peace and prosperity in only a few short years. It was possible!
(Anne really was the moral compass of the group most of the time, wasn't she?)
Sasha Waybright stood at her left, and while her face was blank Marcy could tell she was struggling to resist yawning. Sasha really shouldn’t have been so bored- as the First Sword and Law Keeper of Amphibia she was the top judge, jury, and executioner when it came to legal matters involving the Kingdom at large. It hadn't exactly been a job she'd wanted, of course, but from the way it had been described she'd expected it to involve things like fighting bandits and organized crime, getting to have the last say in matters of justice, maybe do some sick vigilante shit like Batman. Moonlight chases over city rooftops, foiling assassins, solving crimes- you know, stuff that was actually interesting .
Instead though, here she was, leaning against a wall in the small council chambers, entertaining a deputation of wealthy frogs from Ribbitvale, bored out of her mind after having to listen to people who really loved the sound of their own voices talk on and on and on . Sasha probably wasn't even sure what they were even talking about at this point, given that she tended to only listen to one word out of ten when it came to windbags. She’d probably know it was something about a land - maybe they wanted more land or they wanted someone else to have less land? Maybe they wanted their land to be more muddy? That would be something a frog would want right?
Not that Sasha would complain. After all, this meant she got to be close to Marcy, which was always something to be cherished. The Queen of Amphibia had managed to keep a straight face, taking notes, consulting with her courtiers and advisors throughout the audience, and there was no way Sasha would leave her to deal with this alone- even if she couldn't actually do anything with her girlfriend, she could at least listen to her talk, and support her as best as she could through this trial of their combined patience.
But man, Sasha had really wanted nothing more for this meeting to be over already an hour ago. She and Marcy would have been able to hash out what actually needed to be done and then play a little grab-ass in the bedroom while they both had the time to spend together.
It would have helped if she could at least have held Marcy's hand, but these frogs would probably take offense at the notion of two young people displaying affection for each other on principle. Or maybe they'd just vent their ire at Marcy for showing any kind of endearment for the dreaded Kingslayer. So instead, she shifted from foot to foot, eyes studiously staring out in the middle distance as she kept a careful blank gaze that she had perfected back on Earth when her parents would get into screaming matches with each other.
At least Marcy was seated on one of the smaller, more comfortable thrones that had enough padding not to leave her legs feeling sore after all this sitting, and she had Lady Olivia at her side- or more accurately just below her side, because the throne had to have a raised dais for some reason, even if they were tripping hazards. The blue-skinned newt scribbled something onto a piece of parchment and gently nudged it towards Marcy. Even when she was just scribbling Olivia took the time to make each letter an ornate gothic blackletter with many looping swirls that made even mundane things seem important.
‘They're obviously fishing for more money. How much more time do we want to spend on this?’
Marcy suppressed the urge to groan. She knew they were fishing for money, and she was tempted to just- give it to them by now. It's not like she could do much, they had all the power here and they knew it. She just needed to make it more desirable to sell at a discount than to hold onto that land. It wasn't like it was doing them that much good anyways!
"You really ought to consider reconsidering," Marcy tried once again. "The amount of money we're willing to pay you is much more than you would make if you held onto that land! You could still gain a fair amount of interest when you place it in the bank, and if you spent that wisely, you wouldn't have to worry about losing any status! It's a win-win!"
"Our families have held these lands for generations!" The frog who nominally seemed to be in charge of the delegation -based on having the loudest voice and the fanciest hat- asserted, neglecting to mention the fact that their families hadn't actually visited the land they owned for generations.
Sasha snorted, rolling her eyes and earning a baleful glower from some. Even if it only lasted a moment, their attention slipped towards the tall blonde teenager with the nervous regularity of any small creature that wanted to keep a known predator in their peripheral vision even if it wasn't currently stalking them.
Lady Olivia frowned, tapping her fingers together as she sorted through papers, mostly to look busy, as she attempted to find something that might be of use in her reports on crop harvests and price indexes on grain.
"Well, by selling it, you could- get back at them!" Marcy said, trying her best to ignore the dirty glances they sent her girlfriend. "Doesn't everyone hate their parents and their stinky traditions? And by selling your land, golly gee, you'd sure get back at them for... making you do the dishes that one time!"
"You make a well-reasoned argument." One of the others said, rising up from his seat. "But unfortunately all of our parents are dead so there's no real reason to spite them."
"Darn it."
While she was shuffling papers on projected salt tax revenue, Lady Olivia lifted her head, letting out a soft humming noise that indicated to Marcy that she had found something interesting. Discreetly, she shifted to the side to look out the window for a moment while giving Marcy the opportunity to see what she had been looking at without the theater of them passing papers back and forth. Wedged between reports on the spread of heavy metal poisonings among the influx of refugees from the western provinces was a number of clippings from cheap broadsheets.
It wasn't exactly easy for Marcy to see but she could at least make out some of the details; ‘What will Happen with the Toads when they no Longer have Wars to Fight?’ ‘Are the Toads Going to Take Over?’ ‘Should we Expel all the Toads From the County?’ ‘Toads: Do They Actually Eat Naughty Pollywogs and Vengeance for Breakfast?’
"Uh. Well... there may be other reasons," Marcy said as she turned back to the frogs. She couldn't spend too long looking, she'd start squinting and that'd just make everything obvious. "Like... toads." She nodded as if what she'd said made perfect sense.
"...Toads?" The frog with the fanciest hat asked back. Sasha meanwhile shifted to a slightly more aware state as the word was repeated.
"Well... toads," Marcy repeated, trying to come up with a good story in her head. She hated lying, but if she was going to lie, then by golly she was going to lie well!
...Hopefully! "They're... big. And strong. And fight wars." She chanced a glance back at the report. "And... need to... retire. Eventually." She mentioned,
"Don't they all die young?" One of the delegates asked, which earned a concentrated glare from Sasha, who spoke up.
"I'm sorry, where were you when Leviathan's robot armies were marching around?"
"Well, me, specifically? Because I don't remember-"
"I'll tell you where I was. I was with those toads! We busted our asses to keep you and your friends alive. Toads laid down their lives to protect refugee columns almost every day." She continued, hackles raised as she spoke out.
"And we're very thankful for their service," The head of the delegation said. "But that's no reason why we have to let them into our homes! Besides, it's the natural way of things: Toads fight, and then they die."
Olivia had a pensive look on her face as she returned to Marcy's side while Sasha fumed, obviously biting her tongue to stop herself from saying something she'd regret and forcing herself back into a neutral expression. A small look from Olivia was all it took for the blonde to square her shoulders, straighten her back, and assume the blank eyed expression of a soldier at parade rest.
"Well that's not really- that's kinda racist, actually," Marcy said, before remembering her whole story that she was supposed to be concocting. "I mean- okay, well, here's the thing. The thing that is very important for you to know. Toads... don't... always die."
She was very happy, in many cases, that frog and human expressions didn't always translate and were sometimes just missed, because she made a face like she'd just caught a whiff of curdled milk before she managed to school it into a better poker face. "And when they don't, they need to retire. And that requires land. And if you're big, and you fight and kill things for a living, you kinda get used to not asking for permission before taking stuff. Like land. And they would be much less likely to pay you for that land, unlike me and the rest of the monarchy."
“What are you saying, exactly?” One of the frogs -she couldn’t really tell who- asked. It wasn’t exactly something she was proud of, but she had trouble telling her subjects apart occasionally. And reading, but only when it was really floral cursive! (Olivia kept getting on her case about getting reading glasses, but she was sure it’d go away with time. Marcy was fine! …If only everyone else around her would believe her when she said that.)
Regardless, that wasn’t really important right now, effectively all the frogs were acting as one, after all. What was important was that she was on the precipice. She could go all in, though she wouldn’t like it. But if she didn’t, then the frogs might not sell, and that’d be bad for the kingdom.
She didn’t like this. But it was pretty much the last card she had up her sleeve.
“These estates hold a lot of sentimental value for you, I understand that. And I suppose that I cannot fault you for being unwilling to part with them because of that.” Marcy acquiesced, keeping her breathing even as she spoke calmly. “But I just wished to mention one last thing…” She chanced a sidelong glance to Sasha, who had returned to being so zoned out that Marcy was pretty sure she wouldn’t have noticed if a rampaging mantis tore through the assembly hall. Using her voluminous dress as a cover, she tried signaling the other human with a nudge of her foot, but her girlfriend seemed to not even notice it.
Well, so much for another morally-ambiguous person’s take on this.
“And that is… what?” A frog asked, looking both ready to leave and partially intrigued by her last statement.
Marcy sighed. “We’ve received intelligence that there are… more than a few toads who may try to take your land by force, in order to retire their troops.”
Immediately, the council chambers erupted into protest, the frogs of Ribbetvale shocked and appalled at the mere idea that their land could be stolen from them. But they weren’t the only ones who were shocked by this information. Sasha visibly zoned back in, a look of surprise and questioning on her face as she grabbed Marcy by the arm.
"Marcy, what the hell are you doing?" She asked in Latin, trying to keep her tone even and her voice low.
"I'm... trying to lie." Marcy admitted, just as quietly, in Chinese. "I know, I know, it's bad and wrong, but- well, Anne's the moral compass and she's not here right now. And these guys obviously don't like toads!" She tried. "So, why not use that to get them to finally sell us their land? ...Unless you think that'll mess stuff up with the toads, I didn't think about that."
Sasha frowned, her eyes rolling slightly as she released her hold. "Devious- I think I'm finally rubbing off on your Marmar. But I'm not sure if they'll go for it. I mean, I'm the toads’ best friend. They know I'll object to you buying the land if my buddies in the army actually wanted to settle on it."
"Oh, yeah, I didn't think about that. Damnit, I'm so tired of this, though!" Marcy complained, glancing back at the frogs, who had very quickly gone quiet and were now staring at the two humans as though they’d both grown extra heads. They tended to do that whenever they couldn’t understand the words being spoken
Sasha hummed before her eyebrows shot up. “...Actually, I have an idea!” She said, raising her voice louder than it should’ve been for that statement as she slammed her fist on the table, rattling the inkpots. “We just have to sell that I’m really upset at this and that you’re only barely keeping me back from murdering everyone in a blind rage.”
"Oh. Oh!" Marcy's eyes lightened up. "It'd be like picking the sarcastic or funny dialogue option instead of the 'right' one! Do you really think that'd work?" She asked, making calming motions with her hands as they both spoke in languages the frogs couldn't understand.
"I mean these idiots are already afraid of me, we might as well make use of it." Sasha said, turning her head to the side and looking away, arms folded over her chest in a way that, if they were back in middle school, would have immediately made Marcy want to reflexively apologize.
"Is everything alright, Queen Wu?" One of the frogs asked, their features pale.
"Uh- yes, no, everything's going to be fine, just- give me a moment. And don't move." Marcy waved him off distractedly- it wasn't hard to do, Sasha really did command attention. "I guess that fear can come in handy from time to time," She admitted in Chinese, speaking 'soothingly' and reaching out to place a hand on Sasha's back. "...So, what do you want for dinner?"
"Do we have any chickalisk salad leftover?" Sasha asked, whirling on her heel to jab a finger at Marcy accusingly.
"Uh, well..." Marcy raised her hands, chuckling nervously. "Not really? I-I might've eaten it all yesterday."
"What, seriously!?" Sasha asked, hands raised over her head. "Come on Marmar, it took us three weeks to summon that stupid thing and then slaughter it! We were going to make it last until Anne came home!"
"Hey, don't blame me!" Marcy retorted, standing up from her seat as she yelled back. "Using my Calamity Powers every day takes a lot out of me! I got hungry, and that was the only thing left!"
A shocked gasp rippled through the onlookers at that, and the frog with the fancy hat tried to interject. "If your Majesty needs a moment -" He began before Sasha rounded on him and just stared, a hand going to the hilt of her sword for a moment.
"We're going to have eat bugs tonight, aren't we?" She asked in a very quiet, dangerous voice, barely above a whisper.
"Hey!" Marcy called out sternly in English as she placed a hand on Sasha's shoulder. "Are you telling me you don't like Yunan's beetle roll-up?" She reverted back to their private languages, speaking in the calm yet firm voice that she'd been picking up from watching Anne interact with the people of Wartwood when she needed them to listen. "It's wonderful! I know you like it."
Sasha let her hand remain on the hilt before sighing, leaning forward with an anguished expression on her face.
"It's okay, I guess. Can we at least try and get something for dessert that actually tastes sweet?" She asks, clenching her fist. "I miss the bakeshops in Newtopia."
"Yeah, I do as well." Marcy agreed, hand dipping down to hers to try and 'calm' her. "But don't act like you weren't right there alongside Anne asking Yunan for seconds!" She sighed, her hand stilling. "And -don't tell Olivia I told you this- but she might've made some cake recently." She mentioned quietly as if even though the frogs couldn't understand her, there was still a chance that they could overhear it and freak out for some reason.
Sasha had to use every ounce of acting skill that she had (and she had a lot, drama club had been a guilty pleasure of her’s back in middleschool) to keep a stiff face before she sighed a heavy, defeated sigh. Her body slumped, signaling submission as she reached out to grasp her girlfriend’s hand to pull her close.
"Okay. Just make sure that Yunan kills the bugs before bringing them to the table this time?" She asked intently before casting a significant glance at the frogs and then back to Marcy. "Also we are really good actresses. You should have tried out for the school play instead of tech."
"Aw, stop it, you're gonna make me blush," Marcy said as she took a heavy breath, sitting back down on her throne. "Seriously, stop. I don't think I can explain away a blush. And it makes for good entertainment when she doesn't kill the bug!" She tried.
"Not really sold on it but I guess," Sasha said with a huff, taking a step back, giving the frogs another glare like they had all spat on her favorite shoes. None of the delegates spoke up, their eyes all focused on Marcy with rapt attention.
"Ah, right." Marcy cleared her throat and spoke in English. "I apologize about that, I had to... have a conversation, with the Kingslayer." She repositioned herself on the throne, leaning forward. "Now, what were you saying, again? Something about that land being too important to sell?"
"Ah. Perhaps that-" The frog in charge of the delegation began before getting grabbed on the shoulder, the other frogs giving him a small shake, eyes wide. "Yes. I think that's for the best. These estates are obviously of greater importance to the kingdom than to us." He continued, trying to keep his voice steady while he spoke. "After all, this is a service to the crown. And what greater reward is there than loyal service?"
"Really? You changed your mind?" Marcy clasped her hands together happily. "Oh, that's so wonderful! Don't worry, you will not be hard-pressed for cash. Each of you will you shall each be paid quite well for each acre of land - in the newly issued state bank promissory notes of course! So much more convenient than having to cart around huge piles of metal! You don't need to thank us, just make sure to remember that you can use the notes to pay your taxes directly now!"
"While you can." Sasha threatened softly with a snarl, silencing any objections some might have in being paid in anything other than copper. Before they could try and puzzle out what Sasha actually meant by that, Lady Olivia rang a small bell, indicating the end of open court and making a sweeping gesture with one hand saying with regal elegance that they didn’t have to go home, but they couldn’t stay here.
She waited until the last of the delegates filed out before smiling and taking the dark-haired human's hand, bouncing on her toes. <Well done Master Marcy.> She signed with her free hand.
Marcy scooped Olivia up and twirled around. "Woo! We finally did it! Lies and deception for the win!" She cried out gleefully, letting out a bark of laughter. "Hah hah! Hah! Haaahhaaaoooohhh I'm just as bad as Andrias." She very quickly deflated, smile still frozen on her face as she let out a slightly broken sounding sigh.
"To be fair, we never actually lied to them." Sasha pointed out. "We just talked about dinner, not our fault if they thought we were talking about something else." She sauntered forward and put her hand on her girlfriend's shoulder, giving her a small squeeze.
"I mean it kind of literally is, though," Marcy replied. "Like, I did just imply that the toads were going to seize their land if they didn't sell it to us before we started talking."
<I heard more truth than lies. After all, toads in the army are going to retire eventually. And we can't just give them towns of frogs to rule over anymore.> Lady Olivia said with a small frown, thoughtful. <The veterans will need to be resettled somewhere, considering how many have no home to go back to.>
"And most of the land really isn't being worked right now..." Marcy admitted with a hum. She sighed and hung her head, however. "We still got our way through trickery and deception, though. We should at least acknowledge that that was kinda shitty. Otherwise Anne might and she'll just make us feel absolutely horrible with her whole 'I'm not angry, not even disappointed, just sad that it came to that' look she's perfected."
"Oh boo," Sasha called out, draping herself over the back of the chair. "We're politicians, this is what we're supposed to do."
Lady Olivia shook her head lightly before signing again. <We have to work with the tools we have. And I'll keep my promise. I will always tell you when you are close to crossing a line.>
"I know, and thank you," Marcy said, flopping back on the throne and grumbling. "I know I've said this a thousand times, but I hate that the karmic justice I called down upon myself for trapping us all here just had to be getting stabbed," She whined, poking her chest. "If it hadn't, then maybe Anne could've been the queen, and I could've been the wandering adventurer who saves the lives of countless innocents and always manages to hang onto her morals despite everything."
"Anne would have ditched five minutes in." Sasha rebutted as she snaked her arms around her girlfriend's chest, hugging and lifting her at the same time while Lady Olivia sat herself on the arm of the throne. "We'd find that she lasted just long enough to get comfy in the royal cushions before realizing she failed civics and running away in a blind panic."
<Honestly, if I could I'd take over for you Master Marcy. It's a bit harder to speak for you though when I can't speak for myself.>
"No, you'd run yourself ragged. And you'd probably get assassinated, too." Marcy said to Olivia, reaching over from her spot in Sasha's arms to grab the newt as well. "And... yeah, Anne probably would've run. But she's so much better at talking to people than either of us! And she could just hire advisors for all the other things!"
"You know you could hire advisors for things too." Sasha pointed out, gently removing her girlfriend's crown so she can kiss her on the top of her forehead. "I bet you we could find somebody who isn't staggeringly corrupt. Maybe."
"Yeah, the problem is the talking . I don't wanna do that." Marcy grumbled. "...Plus, I'm better than practically everyone else here at this sort of stuff, there's no reason to hire advisors for something I'm good at."
<You'll always have me, Master Marcy.> Olivia reminded her as the taller human lifted Marcy -and by the transitive property, her as well- into her arms.
"... I didn't yell at you too loudly? I mean- I know I was supposed to come off like a bitch, but I don't like treating you like my dad treated my mom." Sasha asked, parting her long green robes to avoid tripping over them.
"Oh no, you didn't," Marcy assured her. "...I mean, yeah you did yell like, really loudly, but it was really offset by the whole conversation we were having. Plus, I already knew it was an act! Oh, speaking of which-" Marcy addressed the newt in her hands, "Is Yunan gonna make that beetle roll-up for dinner tonight? It tastes really good."
<Well, I suppose I could persuade her.> The old newt said with a small smile at the word persuade that makes Sasha shudder slightly.
"You two are gross."
<We're in love Master Sasha.>
"And I get it! Really, I do!" The human said as she shifted Marcy to her hip and she walked around the edge of the small council chamber to the door. "But you're both super old and that makes it super gross."
Marcy glanced up to Sasha with a bemused look on her face. "Really? Sashy, if I recall correctly, you're the one who's always bringing up 'trying the local flavor' as you call it. You're the gross one!"
"I mentioned it one time! One time. And I was drunk." Sasha said with a huff, her cheeks flushing bright pink.
"One time to me , maybe," Marcy replied, ignoring the drunk comment. "But Anne's said some things."
Olivia let out a small wheezy laugh as they watched Sasha flush deepen from pink to red, and Sasha resisted the urge to drop the both of them on the ground. Instead, she continued walking until they reached an ornamental fountain, and dropped them both in there.
"Aaaah! Sasha!" Marcy shrieked, shivering as she hit the water. "Is that any way to treat your queen and her best advisor?"
"Oh I'm sorry, I thought you could cool down." The blonde replied while Lady Olivia pushed her hair from her face and then stood with another wheezy laugh, shaking herself out with a practiced shiver that also splashed Sasha in the face and left large damp blotches on her shirt.
<It's so sad to see you two bicker.> The blue-haired woman signed as she picked up Marcy's cane, pressing it into her hands as she rose. <Adorable, but still sad.>
"Oh, like you and Yunan don't," Marcy said as she stood up, reaching out to Sasha to steady herself. "Besides, I still love her, and she knows this."
"For reasons I still don't understand," Sasha said with a self-deprecating snort as she offered her arm for Marcy to hold. If there was one thing Amphibians had humanity beat on when it came to technology -apart from the giant robots and portal devices and laser resonance technology of course- it was in making clothes that could stand up to being wet and dried out quickly.
As soon as she clasped her hand on Sasha's arm, Sasha could feel Marcy still, a devious smile on her cheeks. "...I love you, sweetie," She said, though it sounded less like a coo and more like a warning.
With that, the queen's hair lit up a greenish color and suddenly Sasha was in the fountain, with Marcy having a laugh-slash-coughing fit right beside her. Sasha shrieked with shocked laughter as she was doused, falling just beneath a spout shaped like a spitting fish, plastering her hair to her face.
"Worth- it!" Marcy cried out happily in between coughs, as flaring up her Calamity Powers did take a lot out of her.
"I deserve this but I'm still going to take revenge!" Her girlfriend called as she shook her hair out of her face. For a moment Lady Olivia hesitated before slipping behind Marcy to rub her back softly.
<You're both worse than tadpoles.> She chastised with a shake of her head.
"Oh- no, did we just start a prank war?" Marcy asked gleefully, clapping her hands together. "Ah, we've found what Anne's gonna be disappointed with us about!"
<Unless you catch pneumonia.> Olivia worried over Marcy, taking her hand with an insistent sort of bob of her head that Marcy recognized as the courtier slipping into mom mode.
"Or if I don't get her first," Sasha said as she interrupted the blue-skinned woman's fretting to hug Marcy to her chest. "Sleep with one eye open Wu."
"Oh please, like you won't be conked out as soon as you hit your pillow." Marcy teased, once again using Sasha as a helping steadier to stand up with. "And we won't catch pneumonia! Our clothes dry off really quickly!" She protested Olivia's statement.
Olivia nodded, but in a way that said that she was acknowledging that Marcy had a point but also that she would ignore it to keep worrying for her.
"If we're going to have dinner together, let's skip having food in the banquet hall and just take over a kitchen," Sasha suggested. "That way if Yunan accidentally decapitates herself with her new tail-blades, we can have another cook on hand to finish prepping the meal while we clean up the corpse."
<She's getting better at using it.>
"How many times this week has she almost sliced her face off?"
<Eleven.> Olivia responded candidly.
“And that’s a lot better than twenty,” Marcy said, agreeing with Olivia. “We totally should go to a kitchen, though! Oh, it’ll be like old times, Sasha!” She cooed, grabbing her girlfriend’s face. “You know, like when you and Anne and I used to sneak into the refectory at Saint James Academy and make a giant mess? Ah, those were the days,”
"Marcy, that was less than three years ago." Sasha pointed out with a wry grin.
“Oh my gosh, has it really only been three years since we’ve been in Amphibia?” Marcy asked, eyes wide as she looked to Olivia for confirmation. “Wow. I feel like I’ve grown up ages since then.”
<And you're still not grown up.> Olivia signed with a small shake of her head, and a small quirk of her eyes that made her seem like she was wondering if maybe them growing up would even be a good thing.
"Yeah. Feels a lot longer." Sasha agreed as they bypassed the grand staircase to take the servant's hallway, accidentally startling a group of maids who had been gossiping while pretending to fold linens and change out candles.
"Your majesty!" One of them said, dropping low in a courtesy that was followed by the others.
“Sup,” Marcy gave them a wave as they passed by. “It really does feel like it’s been forever. Though I guess getting stabbed through the chest would kinda age you, doesn’t it?”
"Or having to kill someone." Her girlfriend added, shoulders knotted together, visible under her damp clothing that sticks to her skin.
<I must admit, the last few years have aged me as well.> Olivia agreed, running her hand through her navy tresses. <It could be worse though.>
"Yep. Could always be worse. Could be dead." Sasha agreed coolly, but her hand squeezed Marcy a bit tighter unconsciously at the thought.
“There are fates worse than death.” Marcy intoned, her face growing dark for a minute before Sasha’s hand squeeze reminded her of where she was. “Uh- anyways! Talking about dark and sad things always makes me hungry, let’s make food!”
"Yeah. You could have ended up being stuck with the name Dark Marcy ." The taller girl rebounded as they descended the stairs, the edges of each stone step worn smooth by the passage of generations of feet. "That was so cringe."
“It wasn’t that cringey! That was like, the coolest part of the whole deal!” Marcy protested. “I mean, every good hero has to have a ‘dark’ counterpart! It’s just that I was my own!”
"You sounded like a DeviantArt Fastrat Original Character every time you talked." Sasha challenged with a laugh. "I resisted making fun of you when you said 'nothing personal kid' that one time in Saltspire, but only barely."
Marcy stuck her tongue out at Sasha, looking to Olivia for support.
“Olivia!” She whined. “Tell Sasha I was really edgy, and dark, and really really cool!”
<You were very intimidating Master Marcy.> Olivia agreed with a small bob of her head.
"She's your mom, she doesn't count." Sasha challenged, pulling Marcy close as they got to the last step so that way she wouldn't trip over the uneven edge.
“Of course she counts!” Marcy challenged back. “We could ask Yunan as well! She’d say the same thing!”
"Yeah, your other mom would definitely be unbiased." Her girlfriend said as the wave of dry heat hit them like a brick wall, letting out a soft sigh of happiness as her clothing began to steam.
The kitchen staff didn't notice them at first, too caught up in the various activities that it took to keep a building filled with hundreds of people fed at around supper time- vegetables being chopped, casks of wine and bogbrew being rolled out from the cellars, centipedes being wrangled to be chopped up.
“Yeah, she totally would!” Marcy protested, shaking out her clothing as the steam began to dry it out quicker. “I beat her in a fight! …Barely, but I still beat her!”
Olivia took her pocket watch out, waiting to see exactly how long it would take until their presence was noted- and about forty five seconds from their appearance, an under butler or sous chef or someone else with a snooty title accidentally bumped into Marcy and Sasha.
"Hey, watch it, I've got a bunch of angry beetles in this bucket-" He began before pausing, and Lady Olivia closed her pocket watch, slipping it back into her robes as the man dropped the food he was carrying in his haste to back away from the humans and properly genuflect.
“Oh yeah, no, sorry about that!” Marcy apologized, bending over to pick up the bucket before pausing and thinking better of angering her back like that.
Sasha heaved a sigh but knelt down to pick up the skittering blue shelled insects before they could disappear, fingers moving with lightning speed to stack them all back into the bucket and then placing the bucket in the frog's hands in the blink of an eye.
"We're not here for a surprise inspection or anything, so don't bother bowing and scraping. Just point us towards a room people aren't using right now and we'll get out of your hair." She said irritably as she completed her good deed, and their servant nodded, gulping loudly while Lady Olivia made a small movement with her hands to indicate that he should probably hurry up.
"Two doors down, there's a pantry with a little brazier in it that we use to heat up our food."
"Thank you. Now was that so difficult?" The blonde said, patting him on the head and straightening his bowtie.
<Have a message sent to General Yunan's quarters to meet us here at her earliest convenience.> Marcy could just make out the courtier sign.
“Thanks a bunch!” Marcy beamed, waving to the cook as he left. “He seemed nice. We should give him a raise.”
"You always say that. We can't make every random person who's polite to us a baron or something." Sasha argued back as they skated through the controlled chaos before opening the indicated door and making an exaggerated bow. "Unless you want to make me your Chamberlain?" She asked, wiggling an eyebrow.
“I thought you didn’t really like that type of job,” Marcy said. “I mean, if you’d like it, I could definitely give it to you, though!”
"... Chamberlain is the one who gets to help you pick your outfits for the day right?" Sasha asked for confirmation, just to be sure.
“I mean, it’s more handling money and domestic affairs, but you could do that, too!”
"Eeeeh. I'm not that great with money." Sasha confessed as they entered the much more quiet pantry, which was also warm but not nearly as close to broiling, lighted and heated by a large bronze brazier in the shape of a Toad with an open mouth full of coals. Lady Olivia slipped through before the door closed and immediately headed to one spot in particular on the shelves to retrieve a bottle of red wine.
"Nice, lemme get a glass." The blonde asked as she pulled out a rough wooden chair for Marcy to sit on, next to a nicked and scored table that was obviously used very recently for chopping onions, based on the pungent smell.
“Neither of you need to be getting drunk at five in the afternoon,” Marcy protested as she nicked the bottle from Olivia. “You can survive without wine or beer or whatever for one day. ”
Lady Olivia let out a very soft whine of frustration which was echoed by Sasha. "Oh come on Marmar, it's one bottle. We're not going to get smashed!" She promised as the two of them made very large eyes at the dark-haired human.
“It’s always ‘one bottle,’” Marcy said with a frown. “Then one bottle becomes two, then three, then four, then the next thing you know, I’m forced to deal with two drunks who get very depressed when they’re inebriated.” She scolded. “And if I’m lucky, Yunan might be around to maybe help out. Maybe.”
Sasha puffed her cheeks out. "I'm not a little kid, I can hold my drink!" She began before Olivia patted her on the wrist and shook her head.
<If the Queen commands, we must obey.> She reminded the human, who sighed just a little bit petulantly before sliding down onto a three-legged stool opposite of Marcy.
"Fine. But we listen to my playlist." She decided, reaching out for Marcy's phone with a small gesture of her hands that said 'gimme gimme'.
“That, we can do,” Marcy agreed, handing Sasha the many-times-broken, many-times-fixed device. She turned around, clapping her hands together and beginning to bustle around the kitchen. “Oh, I wish Anne was here,” She whined as she collected pots and pans. “She’s always been the best cook out of all of us.”
"We can survive without her and her kooky Thai love songs for one night." Sasha said, taking a moment to flick over the cracked screen- Sasha had her own phone of course, with her own music, but for some reason or another she had more or less colonized her girlfriend's device with her own music and pictures as well as organizing it into a neat little playlist that she had even drawn a little bit of art for, a picture of herself shredding on a guitar under the words 'Sasha's Party Mixx 2021!!!'.
Olivia winced as the taller human picked a track at random, tinny but very loud music blasting out of the speakers before Sasha set it aside (with perhaps less care than she should have) to grab Marcy from behind as she was reaching for a cooking iron.
The song was a bouncy one with a bouncy tune, something that had come out in the 2000s from a band Marcy had never heard of but Sasha apparently liked given that she had memorized the lyrics.
" - I'm feeling devious
You're looking glamorous
Let's get mischievous
And polyamorous!" She picked up with the chorus, before spinning Marcy, trying to draw her into a dance.
“Pffft, you’re silly,” Marcy cooed as she followed along, smiling at Sasha. “You like this whole song just for that line, don’t you?”
"Maybe," Sasha said as they circled each other, the palm of her left hand pressed to her girlfriend's right, forming an axis by which they could take turns mirroring each other's movements while their feet stepped back and forth. This wasn't anything like the dances from back home- it had more in common with line dances, or maybe a quadrille? The history of musical theater hadn't ever really been on Marcy's radar back home. Here though, the movements were a rough and messy dance for couples.
"I also like the 'Wine and women and wonderful vices' bit too."
Marcy chuckled. “Of course you do.” She kissed Sasha once in between dance moves, grinning at her. “You really like to pretend you’re some hotshot player.”
Back on earth this probably would have been the part where she over-extended herself and ended up face planting or -hopefully- let Sasha catch her, but to her surprise, Marcy had actually managed to pick up dance in her early days at Newtopia thanks to instruction from Lady Olivia for her entrance into high society.
The night of her debutante ball had been a complete and total disaster, of course, but not because she tripped while dancing!
Now the moves were ingrained in her head even now, and it felt like her feet knew what to do, even if they were a little bit more unsteady than they were three years ago.
Face partner, drop hands, double back, double forward, quarter turn left-
"Hey, I am a player! I've got two hot girlfriends don't I?" Sasha asked, her movements much less polished as she led Marcy.
“Uh-huh, sure.” Marcy snorted, focusing on her dance moves. “I’m pretty sure players are supposed to be the ones to propose the threesome, not panic and run away into the night because they think that they aren’t worth it.”
"I was a complete and total mess that night." Sasha objected, flushing lightly with the memory. "I was convinced you and Anne were going to tell me you were both in love with each other and I'd have to just smile and say how happy I was for my two best friends."
“Yeah, and that’s not what a player would do,” Marcy said. “Face it, you’re just as much of a sad sap as Anne and I. Especially considering that we were both terrified of that too.”
"Mmf, I just spent the last week in a swamp having a mental breakdown!" Her girlfriend continued to say. "If I had a chance to wash my hair, pick an outfit, maybe some mood music, you two wouldn't have stood a chance, I promise."
"Run, run, run away
Just take my hand and we'll abandon this world
We'll wash those tears away
You're young and beautiful, and I'll love you always
We got no time for pain-"
“We’d all just spent a week having mental breakdowns!” Marcy contested with a laugh. “We’d just been faced with death and life in ways we’d never experienced before, which is why we decided ‘fuck it!’ And that we were no longer just going to sit on our asses and actually do something about our mutual crushes on each other.
“…Well, Anne decided that.” She admitted. “I was still in the whole ‘oh god, everything feels like it’s on fire and I deserve it, I deserve this pain and I deserve to die’ phase. That was embarrassing.”
"Meanwhile, I was trying to spice things up with learning the harmonica in between crying into Percy and Braddock's clothes," Sasha said, making the last few movements as the song reached the last refrain, hopping in the air and managing to click her heels twice in a display that -if she were a Toad- would have probably made her seem very flirtatious.
Lady Olivia clapped as the two humans slowed, their faces flushed from the heat and physical exertion. <You're much less rusty than I thought you might be.> She noted with a hint of pride on her features.
“Aw, thanks!” Marcy bowed, a little wobbly but she managed. She ran her hands through her hair as she sat back down. “…Do you think we rely too much on Anne to be the emotionally stable one?” She mused.
"Nah. She's just as messed up as us." The larger teenager said as she leaned in to kiss Marcy on her bare shoulder. "Both of us help her as much as she does us."
“Yeah, now at least.” Marcy agreed, nodding her head. “Though we definitely relied on her a little bit too much back in the day.”
"Eh, I was the worst." Sasha began, picking up the cooking iron Marcy had found and placing it over the braziers. Olivia rapped her knuckles loudly on the table.
<You all had your problems, but that was the past.> She signed after she gained their attention, looking between the two teenagers. <You were children then- you're still children now. You're all allowed to make mistakes.>
“Yeah, but some mistakes are a bit worse than others,” Marcy challenged. “Like getting your best friends stuck in a different dimension on purpose because you didn’t want to move.” She immediately held her hands up in the air. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m any worse of a person because of it, I don’t deserve to die, I am allowed to be forgiven and forgive myself for such a mistake, just as anyone else would be!” She said quickly, attempting to cut the other two off before they could berate her.
Sasha nodded before gently tweaking her girlfriend's ear. "So she can be taught!"
<At least you remember the second part more easily now.> Olivia echoed before taking the crown from Marcy's head and setting it aside, running her thumb along the indentation that it had left on her brow.
"Hmf. I still don't think it was really your fault. Like that newt lady said, it was all destiny. We were always supposed to be here, one way or another." Sasha continued as she covered the now hot pan with oil and then began to look through the jars for something easy and simple that she could cook with her minimal home economics skills.
Marcy raised an eyebrow, bemused. “Who knew that all it would take for the Cynical Kingslayer to believe in fate would be her girlfriend acting all sad?”
"I'm just saying, it might have some merit." She said as she found a box of prepared mushrooms that she dumped haphazardly onto the sizzling oil to fry.
“Or, it might not, and I might have truly fucked up,” Marcy supplied. “I’m not saying that I can’t atone or whatever, but I’d like to believe that my fate wasn’t becoming the host of some evil entity hellbent on killing you and Anne.“
"No, obviously your fate was to put a ring on their fingers." General Yunan announced loudly right behind Marcy, causing her and Olivia to jump in surprise and Sasha to fumble as her hands dropped the wooden spoon she'd been using to cook with to go to the sword on her hip before relaxing. Despite still wearing full plate armor the general had somehow managed to sneak in without anyone noticing.
<They're too young to marry!> Olivia signed, peeved after having gone almost as pale as a sheet.
"Hah, they're sixteen! When I was sixteen I’d already killed a hundred men! YUNAN THE HUNDRED MAN SLAYER they called me!"
“Geez, Yunan!” Marcy slapped the newt on the chest. “Stop doing that! You keep making Sasha think that disadvantage for stealth checks while wearing heavy armor is dumb!”
"It is!" Sasha said loudly, tapping her spoon against the plate. "You're saying just because I'm wearing a breastplate I'm suddenly twice as likely to be noticed?"
“Armor is clanky!” Marcy shot back. She got up behind Yunan and began to shake her back and forth to show her girlfriend what she meant. “It’s loud, and it clangs together! It’s very difficult to ignore!”
Yunan bobbed back and forth, head lolling to the side as she rattled like a drawer full of spoons.
"H-how-fared-y-your-day-my-laaadies?" She managed to ask while being shaken.
“Oh, it went great!” Marcy said gleefully, explanation completely forgotten as she twisted Yunan around to face her. “We actually managed to get the frogs in Ribbetvale to sell! We’re gonna get their land, and we didn’t even have to jack up the price!”
"And all it took was a little bit of theater. Don't believe any rumors you might hear about me and Marcy getting into arguments on that note." Sasha added with a smile.
"Well, I still say we could have just confiscated it without paying them a penny, and then maybe thrown the landlords into a pond filled with hungry eel-leeches." Yunan said before using her tail to ruffle Marcy's hair. "But as long as you're both happy I can tell that it was a good deal. Probably not as good as the eel-leeches, but still pretty good." She enthused happily before her wife cleared her throat, waiting expectantly.
"... What?" Yunan asked. "Do you want a drink of water?"
In response, Olivia coughed again and frowned just a little.
"Is it your birthday?" Yunan continued to ask, becoming slightly concerned. "Our anniversary? Marcy's birthday? Is it my birthday?"
Instead of waiting for Yunan to work her way through all possible celebratory dates she might have forgotten, Olivia instead took hold of the armored woman's hand and pulled insistently before turning her head.
"... Oh!" Yunan blushed a bright red, before leaning in to chastely peck the blue-skinned courtier on the cheek and receiving another similarly chaste kiss in return that makes her tail curl.
"How do you always forget that kisses are a thing, Yunan?" Marcy asked, propping her head up with her arm. "I mean, the first thing I think of whenever I see Anne or Sasha is 'oh man, I can't wait 'till they kiss me!'"
Yunan flushed a dark shade of red. "It- it would not be fitting for me to presume such a thing!"
Olivia sighed before signing her response. <Well, presume all you want from now on. But first - can you make beetle rolls?>
"Can I make beetle rolls? Can I make beetle rolls?!" She leaned down next to Marcy to whisper into her ear. "... Can I make beetle rolls?"
"Yes please," Marcy nodded. "They taste really good, and we deserve to have a celebration meal today."
"Then clear the table! I'm going to make a mess!" Yunan declared, excited.
"Next time we're near West Tower I'm going to have to bring you to Percy and Braddock's inn so you can eat my surrogate parent's minced wormwurst sandwiches." Sasha threatened Marcy lightly as she put the now crispy mushrooms on the table to be snacked on while Yunan kicked the door open.
"I NEED A BEETLE WITH FIGHTING SPIRIT!" She proclaimed loudly, claws flicking out from her gauntleted fist. For some reason Olivia just sighed, smiling faintly while she watched the taller newt terrorize the cooking staff.
"Aw, true love," Marcy cooed, snacking on a few mushrooms as well. "Watching the woman you love cause mass destruction and hysteria with glee."