Chapter Text
Solitude and isolation aren’t so bad when one inflicts it upon oneself. In Dirk’s case, he really couldn't care less. Sure, it gets lonely sometimes, but he can handle it. Afterall, it is easier to be alone than to deal with other people’s drama. Yet…
He had to admit, it became harder to keep up with time and sleep schedules. It became harder for Dirk to remember when he last ate, or when he last slept. He kept the windows closed most days, limiting the light to lamps and computer screens most of the time. The only real time he turned on all the lights and opened the windows was on cleaning days, which usually fell on days where something broke and made a mess.
On this day, in the midst of winter, Dirk was in the middle of a bad sleep cycle. He was in front of his computer, trying to work on some complex codes for an AI that could mirror his verbiage in messaging softwares. If he was being honest though, he was just staring at the screens dissociating due to a severe lack of sleep. He had been awake for almost two days straight. He had been, at least, eating well, despite the amount of energy drinks and coffee he had been drinking. Dirk was not a total idiot, he remembered to feed himself shit for the energy drinks to burn.
In a moment of surrender, Dirk saved and closed the tab of code after not making progress for an hour. He leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath. His vision was fading in and out, becoming blurry due to his shitty body fuel. It was tempting to just fall asleep here and worry about everything tomorrow, but there were some final things he should do to make tomorrow easier.
Dirk sits up and settles on checking his email. Some of his commissioners likely sent him reference photos and requests for updates. Despite his bad habits, he always made sure to keep the people who commissioned his codes, projects, and various other crafts updated and aware of the status of their investments. He started filtering through the emails, deleting spam emails and marking emails with a file attached. He will admit, with the longing for sleep, he did select a few… interesting emails thinking they were important. As soon as he filtered through the emails, he hovered up to the top of his inbox and moved through some awful ux designs to the Download All option. A warning popped up on his screen, big red letters warning about large files and possible spam. Dirk got that warning every time, even when he was the person who made the file, so he just waved off the warning and selected Download Anyway.
With that, he pushed his chair in and stretched, a yawn working its way out. “Right. Sleep time.” Dirk muttered to himself, snatching up his shades and heading off to his bedroom to catch some z’s.
On his main screen, the image of a green skull appeared in the center, before a message appeared beneath it. Installing GollyGalloots… Install Complete! Thank you for accepting them!
Dirk would be in for one hell of a surprise when he woke up.
Tiny streams of light peered into Dirk’s face from between his blinds, making the inventor groan as one stray beam hit his eyes. Even drawn closed, Dirk could not escape the light totally. Dirk tossed and turned a bit, not wanting to get up yet, but still very much not asleep anymore. Finally, once he was fully encased in a cocoon of his own bedding, Dirk accepted the sad reality that he would not be falling back asleep. With this in mind, he blindly grabbed and groped at his bedside table, searching for his phone. He grasped the phone finally, signing in victory. He pulled it over, straining his neck to look at it without lifting his hand to check the time. 1:39 pm. Yeah, that was pretty on point after an extended period of no sleep.
After surfing on his phone for what Dirk thought was long enough, he finally set his phone down and set about untangling himself from the mess he had made. On any other day, he would try to make the bed a bit more to make it easier to get into later. Today? Blanket pile. He could worry about it later.
Dirk looked around his room. Not too messy, just cluttered with his various parafernalias. He couldn’t linger on the state of his living situation, though. There was work to be done, and he really should not work on robotics while just in his boxers.
It’s another hour before Dirk started to work, now in his muscle tank top and good shorts. He opted out of his long shower for today, as he could take one later that night once he was actually dirty.
Shades back on, he walked into his studio, stretching as he went. The light of his computer screens caught his eyes. He could have sworn he shut it down. Then again, he was super tired last night, so it wasn’t too out of the question that he forgot to shut it off. His emails were still open, new unreads now present in his inbox. “Fantastic.” Dirk muttered as he opened his mini fridge and grabbed a name-brand orange soda.
Cracking it open, he took a seat, closing his inbox and taking a breath. He was going to start pulling up the blueprints for one of his projects when an icon caught his eye. GG-Welcome. He took his shades off and looked at it again. It was a green skull, something Dirk had not seen before. It was recently downloaded, a little icon indicating it had yet to be opened. In what he would now call a lapse of judgement, Dirk opened the file, wanting to see what it did. A loading bar appeared in the center of his screen before everything went black. Dirk blinked, then took a deep breath as he realized his fatal mistake.
“You’ve got to be FUCKING with me!” Dirk stood up, frustration surging through him. He had just opened up a goddamn VIRUS. It was more upsetting because he actually made programs like that, and yet somehow he still fell for it! It might have even been a parody of his own code too!
He turned from his computer, rubbing his temples as he tried to think about the amount of work he had on there that would need to be replaced and restarted. He was so close to bursting a blood vessel when the sound of laughter caught his attention. Turning slowly, Dirk looked at his computer. In the void of his screens was a person. A green hologram of what looked to be a simulated young man was cackling, holding their chest as they wiped a tear from behind rectangular rimmed glasses.
“Oh, How you humans make me so absotively posilutely transfixed with your blights!” They say, their voice crackling in the speakers of Dirk’s computer. “Just seeing how you all react makes me a barrel of laughs. You really are a hoot!”
Dirk moved back to his desk, raising an eyebrow. He should not be this interested in a literal virus invading his computer, and yet, he can’t help but be curious as to the AI he was presently seeing. Talk about a beautiful code, this was jaw dropping, especially the rendering and presence and-
“Hello? Astronaut to Ground Control? Your jaw is lower than the space left on your hard-drive.”
Dirk’s focus returned to the vaguely-british virus on his computer, now actively paying attention to them. “Excuse me for being fascinated with the invader of my PC and furthermore the unexpected guest here on my desktop.” He deadpanned, quick to remark and even quicker to grab his shades and return them to his face. The virus laughed again and shook their head.
“You’re the one who invited me onto your computer last night from the email. By the way, what sort of state did you put yourself in to just blindly accept a risky email, especially in your field of work.” The virus rambled as they crossed their arms. “I mean seriously, I could just delete all of your files here, even other viruses you are working on, in an instant, and there is almost nothing you could do. Very much a lack of judgment on your part, sport.”
Dirk rolled his eyes and sat back down as he absorbed the word vomit coming from his computer. “Mhm. Can I know the name of this very dangerous virus, because you seem so esteemed and therefore likely have picked an actual name out for yourself, other than your source name.” Dirk spat back, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth as he got an offended gasp out of the virus.
“I forgot to introduce myself, my word! But you don’t have to be so sure about it all! Give me a moment, I need to freshen up.” They said, waving him off.
The virus removed their glasses and wiped them off. Dirk got a good look at them then. Strange metallic fins replace their ears and there appears to be small bits of green wiring seeping from their eyes into their skin. Their hair was so curly, Dirk found himself getting lost in it as he traced the bigger strands into the layers. Whoever coded them had some fun and made some very interesting choices with how they designed them.
“Alright, all ship-shape now!” The virus announced, drawing Dirk’s attention to their face. “Allow me to formally introduce myself. My name is GallyGallots, but you may call me Jake. Call me Jakey and I’ll wipe your computer mister.” The virus, Jake, warned with a cheeky grin. “Speaking of computers, this really is quite the amicable set up you have here. One might get lost in it’s warming embrace!” Jake ranted on and on about anything that caught their attention.
Dirk nodded as he listened, cautiously taking a seat at his desk.
“What’s got your boxers all twisted up there chap?” Jake questioned as they sat their chin on their hands with the slightest tilt of their head.
Dirk blinked, glancing from Jake to his pc tower. “I don’t normally talk with sentient spam programs so please excuse my interest in your holographic state and the state of my PC. I’d rather not have my life’s work burst into flames before my eyes. It’d be a real bummer.” Dirk was rambling, he knew, but sometimes to ramble is to let out some much needed passive aggressive thoughts.
“Oh yes, my apologies. I’d hate to harm your computer, physically I mean. I’m a virus, not a monster!” Jake declared before they rolled up their sleeves. “One low fps model coming right up.” They lifted their hand and with a snap of their fingers disappeared. Dirk’s homescreen returned, intact and normal. From the side of his monitor, Jake strolled out. They were quite small, now a much simpler 2D model that wandered across Dirk’s screen. They turned outward to Dirk, waving. “This a bit better? I quite like this model. It lets me hop around better and relax more.”
Dirk watched as the virus danced around his screens, the smaller figure wandering up and down his task bar. They seemed to be having a good amount of fun as they tested out their new range of motion, constantly hopping around and grabbing onto the various applications and folders on Dirk’s desktops. Triumphant laughter crept out of the speakers as Jake scaled the desktop before planting themself atop the highest icon, swinging their stumpy legs off the edge.
“Having fun there?” Dirk asked the very entertained ai. He’d hate to admit it, but a bit of amusement had slipped into his voice. For a virus downloaded from a spam email, Jake did not seem to be that dangerous so far. Dirk would even go as far as to call them more of a pleasant distraction than a harmful code.
Jake shrugged their shoulders as their gaze drifted towards Dirk. “Quite so, I suppose.” They hummed. “Though that infuriating notification from your chums trying to grab your attention is a rather annoying distraction.”
Shit, Dirk had been so focused on the threat on his computer that he had neglected the many buzzing alerts and randomly spaced calls from his phone. He snatched up his phone, the screen glowing to life. A Mx. Roxy Lalonde had been blowing up his pester client since he’d left bed, her shocking pink handle clouding up his screen.
hey.
strider.
drik.
*dirk
buddy
bro
answer
plese
we need to chat
i wanna talk
dirk
shades
hey
hey
hello
im gonna break down your door
ill break into your house
dirk
are you dead
sleeping?
busy?
bro
come on
answer
I know you can see these
shades come on
answer
Dirk had forgotten what Roxy’s words per minute was, especially when she needed something or someone. “Jake I gotta-“
“I see the messages Dirk, you do realize your pester client is on your computer.” Jake interrupted, gesturing to the red notification over his pester client notification. “Talk to your friend, I swear on my honor that I will not mess with your data!”
Dirk raised an eyebrow as he pulled up his pester client on his phone. “And how solid is that honor?”
“48% solidified!”
Sighing, Dirk shook his head. “Of course. I’ll be back in a sec, don’t mess with my files.”
Dirk slipped out of his apartment, shutting the door behind him. His finger hesitated over the voice call option in Roxy’s chat, his nerves grabbing hold. He hadn’t actually talked to Roxy in ages, only ever texting and emailing her when she needed something. He hadn’t talked to anyone really, as his career never really needed vocal communication. Vocal Communication, damn he really hadn’t talked with another person in so long if he’s calling it that. He sounded like his first draft of his Auto Responder.
But, regardless of his inability to socialize, Dirk took a deep breath in and called Roxy. He pressed his phone up to his ear, waiting for the click of either Roxy answering or the automated response of a failed call. It did not take long before a click warned him of the oncoming storm that is an ignored Lalonde.
“DIEDRICH STRIDER, I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU FOR ONE HOUR!” Dirk’s phone shook with the sheer volume of Roxy yelling, causing Dirk to rip his phone away from his ear and stare at his phone with wide eyes as Roxy began her tirade. “ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY FOUR MESSAGES, AND NOT A SINGLE REPLY! HOW DARE YOU- I WAS BEGINNING TO WORRY THAT YOU'D BEEN IN A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT, OR THAT ALIENS HAD GRABBED YOU, OR THAT YOU JOINED AN UNDERGROUND CULT OF MOLE PEOPLE!”
Ah, the ramblings of Roxy Lalonde, in which Dirk was subject to various odd scenarios of Roxy’s imagination. Surprisingly, this was a very tame rendition of her usual worries.
“Roxy- Okay that is a lot of messages in an hour, first. Second, I was a bit busy so I am sorry for not checking my phone. Third, Mole People?” Dirk questioned while Roxy caught her breath.
“It’s a good worry! Last thing I want is to find your apartment covered in dirt because you joined a cult of ground tunnelers.”
Dirk thought for a second before replying. “What do you have against moles?”
“Dirk!”
Catching up on her tone, Dirk backtracked, “Got it, not the main focus. What did you need, Rox?” Dirk leaned against the wall behind him as he heard Roxy begin to calm down.
“A very important thing, something that could end the world depending on your reply, something so grand that it couldn’t wait another moment!” Roxy began as her voice grew with urgency.
“And this thing is…?”
“So dangerous depending on your answer, to the point where I, breaking out in shivers!”
Dirk felt a bit nervous. “Roxy, what happened? Why are you like this? What’s wrong?” Dirk questioned in a worried tone. Was Roxy in danger? Did she manage to do something terrible? Was it Jane? Was it-
“How are you feeling today?!”
There was a pause for silence as Dirk weighed the pros and cons of his friendship with Roxy. “Let me check my facts. You have been texting me since I woke up, likely racked up a few data costs with the amount of calls you tired to reach me with, and almost made me worried that you’d once again done something stupid that had backfired terribly,” Dirk listed, taking another deep breath, “Just to ask me how I was feeling today?”
“Exactly!”
Dirk paused once again, staring ahead at the wall before him. A solid judgment was to be made, and Dirk had picked his verdict.
“Goodbye Roxanne.”
“NonononoDirkpleasenodonthangup!” Roxy quickly added as Dirk pulled his phone away. “Please! I’ll just spam you until you pick back up!” This was a true fact, as she had in the past spammed anything Dirk owned until he picked his phone back up and answered her.
Reluctantly, Dirk did not hang up on one of his oldest friends, though he was very tempted to do so. “Fine, I’m doing fine, Rox. Why do you want to know?”
“Well I wanted to check to make sure you are feeling alright enough for guests!”
Dirk actually laughed a small bit at that comment. “Mhm, and why would you be curious about that, Ms. Lalonde?”
“Because I’m in the elevator coming up to your apartment.”
“You’re what.”
The last thing Dirk heard from Roxy’s end was Roxy laughing maniacally and faintly Jane snickering behind her before the call ended. Great. The one day he didn’t clean. This would be an interesting day.