Work Text:
- [The story 'In Sickness and In Health' has started its storytelling]
Kim Dokja is about to die.
Well, that's what he feels.
He'd been feverish since the morning but out of laziness (which he already regretted by now) he decided to avoid the impending sickness and appeared at his work. In his defense, he doesn't think it's that bad. Kim Dokja is still able to commute to the company after all.
But by afternoon, his vision started to blur. He wasn't able to stomach anything during lunch because of nausea and dizziness. Yoo Sangah, his coworker who is stationed next to his cubicle, urges him to just go home and rest, but he was only able to leave his desk by near evening.
It was fortunate that Lee Seolhwa, the company nurse, was still there when he walked by. She said that Kim Dokja has the flu considering the cold and cough that had been accompanying his fever. She recommended him to rest until he recovers, tucking a sufficient amount of medicine in his bag while he spent his time with his eyes closed, hating how the world seemed to be spinning so fast.
He doesn't even remember how he was able to arrive home. All he knows is the relief he felt when he stepped inside his empty home, haphazardly removing his mask and company uniform. Kim Dokja is able to get a t-shirt before he collapses on the bed, wishing to sleep away all the pain.
Then the lights in his apartment suddenly opened.
He's about to curse whoever that person is until he looks up to see Yoo Joonghyuk, his boyfriend, looking at him sternly from the door.
Kim Dokja has the gall to smile at him sheepishly, already thinking of excuses as to why he didn't inform his boyfriend of the situation.
Reasons vary from he doesn't want to disturb him to he doesn't want to make Yoo Joonghyuk worry crosses his mind. But his boyfriend just pushes him back to the bed, stopping him from mumbling furthermore.
"Shut up, Kim Dokja." He says with finality. Dokja can only shut his mouth, not having the energy to even argue.
Through his half-shut eyes, he sees Yoo Joonghyuk quickly trying to pick up the things and clothes he left on the floor. Then he disappears through the door. When he enters again, he has a basin and towel with him. He even brought a pitcher of water and glass.
"There are medicines in my bag." He croaks out, hating that Joonghyuk has to take care of him when he's most definitely also tired after work.
Dokja knows that if he voices that sentiment, Joonghyuk would only be mad. It's been three months since they've been together but he's still not used to seeing this side of Yoo Joonghyuk. Perhaps it's because he's not really accustomed to having someone who wants to take care of him wholeheartedly. Because of that, he often finds himself contemplating if he deserves Yoo Joonghyuk's love.
One time, he asked it out of the blue and Joonghyuk only glared at him, telling Dokja that it's pointless to ask it when he's the one who went all out wooing Joonghyuk.
"You should be prepared to be loved in return." Yoo Joonghyuk tells him, stroking his cheek in great care before kissing him against his apartment door.
Dokja's doubts disappeared just as fast as their clothes did and safe to say, Yoo Joonghyuk had a sleepover in his apartment for the first time.
Kim Dokja flinches when he feels a hand on his forehead. He opens his eyes to Joonghyuk who looks worried and stressed. He instantly feels sorry for him.
The rest of his actions are blurred but he's pretty sure that he felt Joonghyuk wipe his body with the cold towel and then placed one on his forehead. Dokja smiles when he feels a feather-like kiss on his cheek, liking how sweet and gentle his usually indifferent boyfriend is.
"Thank you." Dokja croaks out.
Yoo Joonghyuk shakes his head as if to say, he doesn't have to thank him.
"How are you feeling?" He asks Dokja.
"Like dying." He tries to humor him only to receive an annoyed pinch.
It's not like Dokja is lying. He'd experienced far worse conditions than this but something about having a fever takes him back to being a child. Whenever he feels the feverish heat and the lethargy, all he remembers is being sick as a child and having his mother fuss over him, nursing him to health until Dokja is well again.
Every time he opens his eyes, he feels the ache of wanting his mother. Coupled with the bad condition of his body, he can't help the tears welling his eyes. Being sick surely sucks.
If he's alone, Kim Dokja would probably weep his way out of his sickness. Crying until he feels okay enough to function again. But now, every time he wakes up, he only sees Yoo Joonghyuk.
His boyfriend is either at Dokja's desk, wearing his eyeglasses and deeply focused on his laptop. At times, he's lying beside him in bed, looking at him tenderly as if he's the best thing in the world. Sometimes, he's there with food and medicine, determined to make Dokja eat and drink everything because he believes that that way, he'll recover quickly.
Dokja's yearning for his mother is forgotten as Yoo Joonghyuk makes him feel the love and care he never thought he'll ever receive again. And if he does cry, he wipes it off while his boyfriend is distracted, deeming it still too early to cry because of how much he loves him.
(He doubts that it'll scare him off. As their friends say, Kim Dokja fell first but Yoo Joonghyuk fell harder. Still, he isn't the type to be dramatic. Thank you very much.)
The next time his consciousness wasn't hazy anymore, four days had passed. Kim Dokja is able to tiptoe his way to the bathroom, noticing that it's already midnight. He doesn't see Yoo Joonghyuk on his way but doesn't think about it so much. Maybe his boyfriend had gone home or went out to do something.
He's relishing the relief of emptying his bladder when he bumps into someone on his way back to his bedroom. Even without looking, the feeling of the person's chest is an indication that it's Yoo Joonghyuk. When he looks up, he sees a worried expression on his boyfriend's face. But he can also notice the sleepy glint in his eyes and his tired features. He probably fell asleep and woke up to see his empty bed.
Kim Dokja immediately softens. He reaches out to push away the bangs hiding Joonghyuk's eyes and makes a mental reminder to accompany him to the barber once he's well.
"Let's sleep." He coaxes, hands intertwining with Joonghyuk and pulling him to the bed.
Dokja tucks them both quickly feeling sleep trying to take over his body again. With one last kiss on Joonghyuk's forehead, he watches as his boyfriend immediately falls asleep, his whole being relaxing under his care.
He had known about it for some time but despite not showing it, Yoo Joonghyuk cares so much about the people he loves. He'd seen it when Yoo Mia, his sister, had broken her arm while playing football in school. Kim Dokja has to force Yoo Joonghyuk to relax or he'd be an anxious mess until he's sure that Mia will be okay.
Joonghyuk is probably so stressed when he was sick.
"I love you." He whispers, knowing Joonghyuk is already fast asleep to even hear it.
Tears accumulated in his eyes but he blinked them away. Instead, he sinks back to his bed, wishing he'll be okay the next day.
- [The story 'Making a Home Out of Empty Space' has been acquired]
Kim Dokja's loud moan echoes in the empty apartment.
He instinctively clamps his mouth shut, feeling unnecessarily too conscious of being naked and spread out in their new apartment.
It's probably because he's on the floor, shivering because of the cold floor and pleasure at the same time, his boyfriend working his way to his ass like a predator finally succeeds in catching his prey.
Around them, various boxes and furniture are arranged haphazardly. They've been moving their things the whole day and its sheer amount is enough for them to decide to schedule the unboxing for the next day.
Kim Dokja expects them to just roll a blanket or mattress on the floor to sleep. After all, they are very tired. But instead, he finds himself trapped in the kitchen island, Yoo Joonghyuk kissing him with so much fervor that would make anyone think he didn't carry most of their things to the apartment.
A part of Dokja feels weird having sex in an unfamiliar place. Sure, this apartment is officially theirs now. But they haven't made a home out of it yet. To his eyes, it's just a typical desolate space.
"That's the purpose of this," Joonghyuk says, navigating him in a more comfortable position by the sink before unbuttoning his shirt. He bites Dokja's shoulder when he notices the familiar crease in his forehead, forcing him to focus.
It elicits a pained moan from Dokja and he bites Joonghyuk's bottom lip in retaliation. Instead of getting annoyed, Joonghyuk only smiles at him, his eyes bright with lust and so much more.
For a moment, Kim Dokja feels like they are stuck in space, time stopped moving. His thoughts shuffled in clusters, not letting him form a coherent sentence. He crosses the distance instead, kissing Yoo Joonghyuk hungrily and tasting the crimson blood from his lips.
That's how he finds himself on their cold floor, feeling cold yet warm at the same time.
Dokja unconsciously tugs Joonghyuk's hair, his ragged breath hitching at his actions. He feels him licking his cock, a stray finger finding his hole at the same time. He can't help the sound coming out of his mouth, now unrestrained and shaky.
When he looks at his boyfriend again, he sees him holding a lube out of nowhere. Despite himself, Dokja can't help but comment on it.
"You're suspiciously ready for this." He teases, wiggling uncomfortably when he feels a lube-coated finger massaging his hole.
"Christening the house is important." Joonghyuk comments, pinching his left nipple. When he deems him comfortable enough to add another finger.
Dokja squirms at his ministrations, the urge to fuck himself with Joonghyuk's fingers becoming more unbearable as he adds another one. But he tries to be good for him, letting him have his way.
"Okay?" Joonghyuk asks, checking up on him but never slowing down.
"Y-yes." He moans out, a particular thrust reducing him to a mess.
Joonghyuk teases him by slowing down when he notices the subconscious movement of Dokja's hips. He grips it steadily to make it stop and withdraws all his fingers.
Dokja whines at the loss of friction, his hips trying to buck in the air but Yoo Joonghyuk shushes him, lubing himself while giving Dokja butterfly kisses everywhere — his face, his neck, and chest.
He holds his breath as he feels Joonghyuk line up his cock at his entrance, the movements so gentle despite the rough treatment earlier. Dokja can only stare at his boyfriend's face, an unsaid ecstasy so obvious that he keens to himself, feeling happy because he made Yoo Joonghyuk feel like that.
When Joonghyuk finally bottoms out, Dokja releases a sigh, anticipating his movements. But it doesn't come. Instead, Joonghyuk stops and stares at him with an unreadable expression.
Feeling impatient, Dokja tries to move by himself but his boyfriend stops him. The whines get stuck in his throat and for a moment, Kim Dokja is so ready to beg. Anything to get him to pound him to oblivion already.
Then Yoo Joonghyuk started speaking.
"Thank you for this." He says so sincerely, so not fitting with the way he's buried in Dokja to the hilt.
A part of him wants to joke, "It's not like I ever say no to sex with you." But Kim Dokja knows that this is not what he means.
Despite the lewd position, something inside Dokja clenched as he sees Joonghyuk appear vulnerable. He raises his head and kisses him on the nose, tears threatening to fall from his eyes by the way Yoo Joonghyuk shows him his boyish grin — so happy and glowing.
Kim Dokja remembers when Yoo Joonghyuk proposed living together. He was so unsure and so was Dokja. He had never met anyone who's willing to be with him, to start a life with him in a place where they could call home.
He remembers the uncertainty. The almost automatic rejection of the idea. Kim Dokja's the type to fall into phases, sadness decorating his sleeves for days, weeks, and even months. He doesn't want him to see that nor does he think it'll be okay to be around him during those times. Dokja doesn't want to be a burden. Yoo Joonghyuk doesn't deserve to be around someone like him.
But he sees Joonghyuk also looking the same — unsure and afraid. Yet so ready to take the leap, as long as Dokja's with him. And Kim Dokja realized that maybe, he won't mind feeling like this with him. Because he knows, they'll definitely figure it out together.
Kim Dokja smirks.
"Anything for you, Joonghyuk-ah."
The impending laugh turns into a series of moans and in the back of Dokja's mind, he thinks the backache will definitely be worth it.
- [The story, 'The Ship and its Anchor' has commenced.]
Kim Dokja is contemplating whether to go home or just step off the train tracks and let death take him.
It's weird that he's still surprised that he was fired from work. Since the beginning, Kim Dokja already knew that it would take some miracle to be regularized in a medium-sized company in Seoul. Let alone a company that is fairly strict in their guidelines.
A worker like Dokja, who came from a third-rate university and has skills that wouldn't be comparable to most of his age group doesn't stand a chance.
Still, it didn't hurt to hope.
Dokja had become used to the company. It was a routine that he surely knew would haunt him for the following months, his feet unconsciously dragging him to the vicinity of the company because for the last six months, he had nowhere to go but there. It's always his house, the station, and the company. Wash, rinse, and repeat.
Now, he's in the middle point — the station. Suddenly realizing that he's definitely jobless. Dokja inhales deeply as he steps out of the train. Letting himself be lost in the middle of human traffic.
It's rush hour. He used to hate being submerged in between it, being surrounded by so many people. The busyness urged him to get moving, to find somewhere to go.
But now, standing in the middle of it, he can't help but feel a bit of relief.
Kim Dokja is so ordinary compared to everyone. Thank goodness.
It was when he stepped into his fully lit home that he remembers that he had someone waiting for him there. Dokja hears noises in the kitchen and instantly knows that Yoo Joonghyuk is in the middle of cooking.
All the plans of eating take-outs and moping on the sofa while watching reality tv are thrown out of the window. Whatever self-pity and anger to himself were pushed deep inside his brain once he saw his boyfriend.
It's been a few weeks since they moved in together and until now, he still isn't used to having another presence inside his own space. Dokja thought he would've hated it. He loved being alone. In solitary, no one can see him and point out things that Dokja already hates about himself.
In solitude, Kim Dokja is allowed to wallow in despair without abandon.
But with Yoo Joonghyuk around, Kim Dokja is somehow forced to push away those thoughts in exchange for more desirable notions. Maybe he just loves him so much that he can't think of anything else when he sees him but arriving home after a hard day to see his boyfriend waiting for him has done wonders for his emotional health.
Who would've thought that a face is enough for Kim Dokja's erratic mind to go blank?
Sensing his arrival, Yoo Joonghyuk leans into the center island to look at him. He raises his eyebrows at Dokja — a silent greeting. Kim Dokja has to look away and breathe.
How do he even say to him that he was laid off because he wasn't skilled enough? What does he say to the ever-perfect Yoo Joonghyuk to remind him that he's just ordinary?
Kim Dokja felt his hand shake.
He isn't a stranger to these feelings. And most times, people tell him that he underestimates himself a tad more than okay. A sick brain would always find a way to continue rotting, as some may say.
Kim Dokja may have seen himself as a useless person but it's not always the case.
Now, if only acknowledging that fact can decrease his pain, it would've been better.
He feels his eyes water as he's enveloped with a familiar embrace. Dokja almost sniffles when Joonghyuk kisses his forehead. Yet, he steels himself and offers his boyfriend a wobbly smile when their eyes meet.
"How are you?" Yoo Joonghyuk tenderly whispers to him, as perceptive as ever.
Kim Dokja holds his hand tightly and tells him about his day.
- [The story 'Life and Death Companions' has started its story.]
Kim Dokja is having the worst day ever.
For starters, he has three scheduled job interviews today.
Being himself, he spent the last three days feeling so nervous. At first, he tried not to overthink because it was not like it was his first time. But for someone who has very few skills and nothing to impress the companies, the interview feels more like a life and death situation.
Yoo Joonghyuk had tried to take his mind off of it. His boyfriend had dragged him in the grocery store — which ended up in a disaster because Joonghyuk shops in a certain way Dokja can't understand. He had also tried to distract Dokja by playing games with him which only led to an argument because according to Joonghyuk, he's a hopeless noob.
Even sex doesn't help. A few handfuls of times of his boyfriend ending up blue balled and Dokja being mortified by his libido crashing down, they just stopped trying.
It was in the middle of the night and he was spooned by his lover that he feels a bit of comfort. He tries not to think of failing and instead focuses on that certain moment, with him being so close to Joonghyuk — feeling his warm body, hearing him breathe, that he's safe.
The future can wait.
Until he woke up this morning and realized, the future arrived too soon.
Kim Dokja spent the whole morning in a daze. Muttering practiced answers under his breath and hypothesized over the littlest possibilities. He doesn't have an appetite but Joonghyuk insists he should eat, even going as far as hand-feeding him.
It leads to Dokja feeling guilty. His boyfriend is working and providing for them for the last few weeks. Yet, he also never fails to take care of him. Joonghyuk always tells him that Dokja is just someone who naturally needs to be taken care of. And that he does all of this because he loves him. But he can't help but feel like a burden.
So, clad with a well-made lunchbox, his requirements, and the memory of Yoo Joonghyuk kissing him good luck, Kim Dokja felt determined to be hired. He has to pull on his own weight no matter what.
Of course, determination isn't everything. After failing the first two interviews, he finds himself eating his packed lunch alone in the middle of a park. He wants to cry as he stuff himself with the still-warm food. Mulling over how it tastes extra delicious today.
Perhaps, the only god-given possession of Dokja is his boyfriend.
During the third interview, he felt more relaxed than ever. Probably because he spent so much time thinking about his boyfriend, sending him a mass text of gratitude before arriving at the workplace. It was also during that time that Dokja somehow had accepted his faith. Maybe he won't get hired today. But he still has a few options lined up. This may end up in a catastrophic failure but he can think of a few other things worse than this.
(Who would've thought that reverse psychology would work on him? Even Dokja is surprised.)
Before he knows it, he's back in the waiting room. Companies don't usually take a lot of time deciding so Dokja stares at the clock, starting an imaginary countdown. He kinda wants to send his boyfriend an update but when he gets his phone, he sees Joonghyuk already calling him.
Dokja excuses himself and answers the phone.
Instead of his boyfriend, someone else speaks, their voice unidentifiable but their message loud and clear.
"The owner of this phone is in an accident. They're at the hospital right now and I called you because you're at his emergency dial."
Without thinking, Kim Dokja runs out of the building. The company and hiring are already the last thing in his mind. He hails a taxi immediately, his voice cracking as he tells the driver where to go.
He repeats what the person told him over the phone. Apparently, a portion of the ceiling of the old bookstore downtown had collapsed. Yoo Joonghyuk is one of the customers inside. Dokja doesn't even try to think of the reasons why his boyfriend is there out of all places. Especially when he always refuses to accompany him to it.
All he has in mind is the hope that he's fine.
The taxi hasn't even hit a full stop when he opens the door, his uncoordinated legs struggling to cooperate at his desired speed. At times like this, Dokja loathes how he has no interest in physical activities.
He wavers through hallways, struggling to find Yoo Joonghyuk until he takes a full turn and comes to a stop.
At the end of the hallway, Yoo Joonghyuk is standing. He's completely oblivious to Dokja looking at him from afar, swallowing the choked gasp he can't help but illicit when he sees him standing and looking okay.
Kim Dokja feels his leg turn into jelly. He staggers as he walks to him, eyes getting blurry from the unexpected tears. It's a secret that Dokja usually tries to maintain a calm facade but deep now, he can't help but feel paranoid.
He laughs at himself, stopping his tears from falling and just thinking, "I'm glad he's okay." Never mind that he left an ongoing schedule nor that he looked like a fool as he wandered around the hospital to find his boyfriend.
At least he's okay. Sans the cast in his left arm that Kim Dokja only notices now that he's a few steps away from Joonghyuk.
The doctor walks away to attend to a nearby room when Yoo Joonghyuk feels his presence. The man has the gall to look timid when he sees the shock still decorating Dokja's face. Maybe Kim Dokja will deny that he rushed to the hospital but it's obvious by the sweat in his temples and his lopsided tie.
"Hey," Joonghyuk says, smiling faintly at him.
Kim Dokja walks up to him, his lips thinning.
Then he kicks his boyfriend's shin, instantly inducing a pained gasp. Yoo Joonghyuk is about to complain, maybe grab him by the collar using his uninjured arm when Dokja's face breaks into full relief, unshed tears shining in his eyes.
Instinctively, Kim Dokja is pulled to a bone-crushing embrace. All his worries melted under the warmth of Joonghyuk.
He held Yoo Joonghyuk tight in his embrace, his hands forming a fist in his shirt, so relieved and happy that he was okay.
"I'm glad that you're alive, bastard!" He says voice muffled in Yoo Joonghyuk's chest. His boyfriend only laughs and Dokja sinks to the feeling of his chuckles vibrating through their embrace.
Dokja may say that he's been used to being alone in life and that people arriving and leaving just as fast is something he's already used to. But that doesn't mean he isn't afraid of losing them.
Just the thought of a world — a life without Joonghyuk and Dokja doesn't think there are still more reasons to continue breathing. He doesn't wanna delve into technicalities nor does think of the nagging feeling that maybe he's being very dependent on him. All he knows at that moment is that living a life without Yoo Joonghyuk is like going back to his black and white lackluster lifestyle from before. A life void of life. Is there even such a thing? Yet that's what he feels.
Yoo Joonghyuk removes himself from the hug and looks down at Kim Dokja.
"Your phone is ringing." He says in his usual nonchalant fashion.
Automatically, Dokja feels the vibration of the device. He fishes it out of his pocket and is surprised to see the third company calling him. He'd been very rattled to hear the news of Joonghyuk being at the hospital that he left without even knowing if he was accepted in the job or not.
A part of him doesn't want to answer it. He deems his behavior unprofessional and that he probably botched his last chances of being accepted by bolting away without any words. Still, Joonghyuk is looking at him expectantly. Dokja knows he'd probably lecture him again about the importance of facing problems head-on so he sighs and picks up the phone.
"Hello, Kim Dokja-ssi? This is Yoo Sangah of Minosoft. You suddenly left. I called to check on you." The person, Yoo Sangah, sounds troubled more than exasperated. Dokja thinks it's a good sign.
"Yes. It's me. I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly." He says, scratching his nape out of embarrassment. "There was an emergency and I had to rush to the hospital," Dokja adds, feeling obligated to provide an explanation.
"Oh!" Yoo Sangah exclaims. Kim Dokja braces himself for whatever's coming but instead, she says, "Is everything okay?" She says, sounding so worried that Dokja gets surprised by the kindness.
Kim Dokja looks at Yoo Joonghyuk in front of him. His boyfriend is busy looking at his cast, an annoyed expression on his face. He's probably thinking about how he'll be able to game or to cook. Dokja thinks that he'll probably be able to get him to rest now that he technically has no choice.
Their eyes meet. Dokja smiles at him.
"It's okay now." He tells Yoo Sangah although his words couldn't be more fitting to himself and his endless inner turmoil.
"That's good to hear! Since you're probably occupied right now, is it okay if I'll just send the schedule of your employment in your email? We still need to discuss other things before you start." Yoo Sangah says, now sounding professional.
Dokja mindlessly agrees, intimidated by her serious voice when something clicks.
"Wait, I'm hired?" He exclaims, making a few passersby and his boyfriend looks at him in surprise.
"Yes, you are…" Dokja zones out after the confirmation. It's probably not the greatest thing to do but he's just so happy.
A lot of negative feelings had unknowingly accumulated in his mind after losing his job. It's not the first time that it happened but he's growing old and it's not going to be easy to find a job again. Still, whoever blessed him and his incapable ass today, he's eternally grateful.
The call ended sooner than he expected. Before he knows it, he's swooped in with a one-arm hug, Yoo Joonghyuk's cast-wrapped arm sticking out randomly.
"I knew you could do it." His boyfriend says, voice full of pride.
Dokja doesn't think he'd ever had someone be proud of him. And the new feeling expanded in his chest, it felt something more than happiness.
Maybe it's love.
Kim Dokja's breath hitched for a moment and his eyes became filled with tears. Like an expert, he swipes away before Joonghyuk can see it.
"Only because I have you." He says before going in for a kiss.
+1 [The story, 'The Person who Weeps out of Love', has been acquired.]
If there's one thing that Kim Dokja has learned in his 28 years of existence in this world, it's that sometimes, the inevitable happens.
In this context, the inevitable is this sadness.
When he was young, he tried so hard to rationalize it. He listed every single reason as to why that emotion seems to never fail on knocking on his door on random days. Kim Dokja would think and think and think, only to realize that it hasn't helped at all. Instead, he's still trapped in himself and the sadness, his bed deflating with the weight of his unmoving body.
He feels lost as if he's suddenly transported into the galaxy and all he sees is endless space — full of nothingness but also of everything. Just plain overwhelming. When he tries to ground himself back, find something inside him that can counter all the ugly thoughts inside, all he sees is nothing.
As he grew older, he got tired of trying to understand it. Sometimes when he wakes up knowing it's there, he just sighs and hopes that he'll still be able to come out of it, not half-empty. Dokja tries to hold on to his last bits of sanity because at some point, it's all he has.
Having Yoo Joonghyuk in his life has helped.
Maybe it's the company of another person (which he rarely has, if he's being honest) or Joonghyuk's willingness to ride out the spiraling loneliness with him that made it bearable. But it does feel good knowing someone loves him enough to be around him at his worst.
When Kim Dokja woke up today, he knew this day was one of those inevitables.
He felt cold despite the warmness of Yoo Joonghyuk's arms around him and no matter how bright his boyfriend's smile is, the pit on his stomach continues to gnaw. As if it's trying to consume him from inside.
Dokja battles it. He still went to work, he talked to his colleagues, he texts Joonghyuk when he can. But the urge to cry and sink to his knees in despair doesn't waver. It was almost funny to think about it. Because Kim Dokja once thought that this would stop if he became strong enough.
A decade into it, Kim Dokja has a stable job, a passable lifestyle (something that Joonghyuk had coaxed him to work on), and the man of his dreams with him. Still, the dark clouds stayed close, afraid to ever leave him.
Thus, this will always be inevitable.
He can't help the sigh of relief he lets out when he finds himself at the company lobby. Work isn't always taxing, especially on slow days like this but Kim Dokja feels bonelessly tired. All he wants is to reach home and bury himself in his bed, maybe sleep will make him feel better.
"Dokja-ssi?" A voice calls out to him.
Kim Dokja snaps out of his reverie and hazily turns to look at Yoo Sangah behind him.
"Yes?" He replies patiently.
Yoo Sangah smiles at him, in her hand a carefully disguised paper bag is being offered to Dokja. He blinks confusedly but accepts it anyway.
"Happy Birthday! It's a pleasure to work with you." She greets.
For the first time today, Kim Dokja felt awake. The gears in his head turn rapidly as he confirms that it is indeed his birthday.
He smiles at Yoo Sangah, though his composure wobbles the more he stays there. He isn't used to this. Frankly, he never had experienced this. Kim Dokja has to take a second to remind himself that life has changed for him in the last few years.
He has friends. He knows what love is. Even if he has to be reminded of it sometimes.
"Thank you, Sangah-ssi." He replies sincerely.
Han Sooyoung, their other co-worker, and friend, appears during this time. She immediately pieces things together, finding it funny how uncomfortable but grateful Kim Dokja appears to be.
"It's your birthday?" She still asks, hands already digging in her pockets for something.
"Yes." Kim Dokja answers but he doesn't offer any other details.
Sooyoung nods and hands him a bunch of candies. "Happy birthday." She greets, glaring at Dokja when he seems unsure about accepting it.
"T-thank you, Sooyoung-ssi." He mumbles.
Kim Dokja chews on a lemon candy on his way home. His mind remains absent all throughout, almost as if it's induced into a steady and not functioning state again. He still feels sad. And he hates it, because, on a normal day, he'd be glad that someone remembered. Even if he won't admit it.
But sadness deters any other emotions in his system, disabling him from feeling anything but it. His hands tighten his clasp on the gift in his arms as he wills himself to get it together knowing he's on the brink of blaming himself for feeling this way.
It's not like this is in his control. He shouldn't hate himself for this.
Kim Dokja mindlessly walks into their apartment. He finds the place suspiciously silent but he ignores it, too determined to call it a day and maybe cry in his bed.
He fumbles for the light switch on the wall, wondering why their home is so dark. And as he had lit up the whole apartment, he heard a startled noise.
Kim Dokja turns around in hopes to find the sound, only to find Yoo Joonghyuk standing in the middle of the living room. He looks annoyed, disgruntled even. Glaring at Dokja from where he's standing. In his hand, a birthday cake and an unlit candle.
"Do you want me to go out so you can try again?" Dokja asks, amused by Joonghyuk's antics.
"Nevermind." Joonghyuk replies and Dokja notices a hint of a whine in his voice. It causes Dokja to laugh for the first time in days. The sound fills the whole apartment and when he looks back at Joonghyuk, he is smiling fondly at him.
"I wanted to surprise you," Joonghyuk says sadly when Dokja had cajoled him to put down the cake so he could hug him.
Dokja looks up from the hug, kissing Joonghyuk's chin when he sees his frown. "I was still surprised. You did so well." He says, feeling grateful.
"Not the way I want to." Yoo Joonghyuk replies as they make their way to their dining room.
Joonghyuk serves him a bowl of seaweed soup along with a variety of dishes he loves. There's not a single tomato in any of the food and all he does is gaze at his boyfriend appreciatively.
He's even on the brink of crying when they start eating. His emotional state hasn't been at its best today and it left him in shambles, drowning with the love he unexpectedly received.
It is surely hard to keep being sad when you're being loved to the bones.
But instead of weeping, he starts a conversation.
"Why did you suddenly stage a surprise?" He asks. Joonghyuk places down the lighter he's holding and looks at him. The birthday candle remains unlit.
Before this, Dokja and Joonghyuk had already celebrated a few birthdays jointly. Their mutual agreement is to always have a meal together. This is why Dokja didn't expect anything but to eat dinner with Joonghyuk when he arrived.
But today, his boyfriend not only cooked and baked for him. He even has a gift and tried hard to decorate the living room for his surprise. Now that he's thinking of it, Dokja felt bad that he ruined all his efforts.
"I wanted to make you happy," Joonghyuk says sincerely and Dokja has to stop himself from gasping.
"I'm happy, Joonghyuk-ah." He says meekly, feeling ashamed that Yoo Joonghyuk definitely noticed that something is wrong.
"It doesn't hurt to make you happier." He replies, his hand reaching for Dokja's. "Especially when you need a reminder."
Kim Dokja stares into Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes and he's reminded of the galaxy again. But instead of nothingness, Joonghyuk's eyes are full of life and possibilities. He has to wonder, how did he get so lucky to have him? What did he do to deserve this?
As if he'd read his mind, Joonghyuk says, "Stop thinking." And almost like magic, his mind halts.
For some reason, Dokja had always felt like he'd been thrown through various cliffs his whole life. He just kept on falling and falling. His spirit is trashed from the impact. Most times, he was shredded to bones, void of any reason to go on. But today, with Joonghyuk right in front of him, it's like he turned around at the bottom of the cliff only to see that Joonghyuk had fallen with him, right down the rock bottom.
Kim Dokja is reminded, wholeheartedly, that he's not alone.
Yoo Joonghyuk lights up the candle and starts to sing the birthday song. His voice is pitchy and shy but he smiles happily at him, urging him to blow the candle and make a wish.
Dokja blows the candle. But instead, he sends his wish to whoever needs it elsewhere. Because he knows, right where he is, that he has all he wishes already.
When he opens his eyes, Joonghyuk spreads a hefty amount of icing in his face, laughing when Dokja curses out of shock. Dokja tries to retaliate by doing the same thing but Joonghyuk runs to the living room, his happy guffaws loud enough for the neighbors to hear.
"Thank you. For everything." Kim Dokja says when he's able to catch him. Their faces and hands are sticky from the remnants of the cake fight but Dokja brings their faces together, kissing Joonghyuk.
Dokja cries for the first time.
It's gross. With all the cake and the saliva from kissing but he can't help it. Not when Yoo Joonghyuk kept on telling him that he loves him. Not when he had felt all sorts of bad throughout the day only to be proven wrong.
When Joonghyuk asks him what's wrong, all he can say is "Nothing. I just think I love you so much." He says, still sobbing openly in his arms.
"I love you just the same," Joonghyuk replies. Making Dokja laugh through his tears when he proceeds to lick the icing off his face.
Kim Dokja has yet to learn that it's okay to be loved and yet be sad still. He has yet to learn that some wounds run deeper than others and only time can know when it'll heal.
But for now, Dokja settles at the knowledge that even at his most undesirable times, Yoo Joonghyuk never leaves his side — in the opposite, he sticks around and loves him with all the love he can muster.