Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chloe and Rachel were...something. Dating seemed like a stretch, but they were more than just fuck buddies. So much more.

Chloe was never completely sure, to be honest. There were never any labels, but neither of them were seeing anyone else. They just...existed with each other, and as much as Chloe wanted to scream into the void about how much she loved Rachel Amber, and get down on one knee and get them both away from Arcadia Bay as soon as possible, she didn’t want to scare Rachel off.

She didn’t know what she’d do without Rachel. 

She didn’t want to ever have to find out.

They were in the junkyard, cuddled up in the back of Chloe’s truck, cushioned by the blankets they’d stolen from Rachel's house. Chloe didn’t know what time it was, but the insistent buzzing of her phone indicated that it was late enough for Joyce to start panicking.  It was mostly silent, besides her phone, the chirping of the birds, and the gentle melody of their own breathing.

“Sometimes I wonder...” Chloe started, melting into Rachel’s arms as the blonde's hand tangled in Chloe’s hair. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re the reason I’m still alive.”

Rachel hummed in response, kissing Chloe’s forehead and waiting for her to continue.

Chloe sighed. “I get stuck in my head a lot, you know. Waiting for the next bad thing to happen, preparing for it, even. It gets so dark in there, Rachel. And then you’ll touch me,  or kiss me, or even just speak to me and you’ll bring me back. You always bring me back.” She held Rachel tighter, just waiting for the girl to demand to be let up. She felt like that a lot; like she was waiting for Rachel to realize just what she’d gotten herself into and leave. “That sounds stupid though, right? To be so...dependent on you?”

“No, it’s not stupid. I get it.” Rachel said. She ran her nails up and down Chloe’s arm, silent, and Chloe just waited. She knew that sometimes, Rachel wasn’t great at deciphering her feelings, and needed a little extra time to figure out what to say. A few minutes of silence went by before Rachel spoke again. “Sometimes I feel like, without you in my life, I would’ve burned the world. I would’ve just existed to hurt people. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’m going to hurt you and lose you.”

Chloe’s breath caught in her throat. Rachel was rarely ever honest about her feelings. She’d never lied to Chloe, as far as she knew, but she had a tendency to brush off any real feelings. Chloe knew Rachel cared about her, that was obvious enough from the way Rachel looked at her, but this level of honesty only ever happened once in a blue moon. “You know you could never hurt me bad enough to want to stay away from you.”

“I know.” Rachel nodded. “But maybe that’s the worst part of it. I know you’ll come back so really why should I be afraid to just do whatever? Act on my impulses until they destroy you? Destroy us? ”

Chloe smiled. So there is an ‘us’ to be concerned about, awesome.

“I don’t want to hurt you, but I know that I will.” Rachel continued, oblivious to Chloe’s small internal celebration. “That’s just who I am. Just like dad. I don’t know how I’d exist without you, Chloe. I know I’m not good for you, but I’d do anything to keep you in my life. Guess that makes both of us dependent, huh?”

“We’re a bit of a mess, yeah.”

“I’m not a good person, Chloe.”

“You know yourself pretty well, Rach. But I know you better. The fact that you’re so conscious about what you’re doing and how it affects people? That makes you better than you realize.”

Rachel went silent for another few minutes, fidgeting with Chloe’s hair and reflexively holding her closer. “I love you, Chloe Price.”

“I love you too, angel. I always will. No matter what.”

Chloe turned off her phone a little bit after that. And they left Arcadia Bay together as the sun rose.

Rachel was asleep, her head in Chloe’s lap as they sat parked in the lot of an old motel. It’d been about a day since they decided to leave the Bay with nothing but the stuff they had stashed in the junkyard, and each other. Chloe was afraid Rachel would regret it, being with her like this, but so far the blonde had seemed happier than she’d ever been. 

She looked like a weight was lifted from her shoulders. Chloe had never seen her sleep so peacefully. She’d turned her phone back on, just to text Steph and Mikey to let them know she and Rachel hadn’t died or anything like that, but she’d been staring at the texts from her mother for longer than she wanted to admit.

Mom: Chloe please, I’m worried

Mom: You usually stop by to let me know you’re okay or something

Mom: I’m trying to be understanding but this can’t keep happening, Chloe

Mom: Come home, please honey

“Mm, Chlo just call her already.” Rachel groaned, her tone laced with amusement. “I can hear you thinking and it’s interrupting my beauty sleep.”

Chloe chuckled and scratched Rachel’s scalp as she relaxed once more. She took a deep breath and pressed the call button, leaving it on speaker. It was a reflex at this point, leaving everything open for Rachel to hear. Hiding anything—even something as small as this from the girl—felt wrong.

“Chloe, oh my lord, thank goodness you’re okay!” Joyce almost screamed through the phone. “Where have you been? David and I have been so worried.”

“He’s never been worried about me, mom.” Chloe rolled her eyes. “And right now I’d say I’m in...Olympia? Don’t know, I haven’t really been keeping track. I’m probably gonna visit Max. See if she still remembers me.”

“Excuse me?” 

“I left, mom. We left, Rachel and I.”

“Chloe, you cannot keep pulling stunts like this. This is too much! Come home this instant. Rachel’s parents cannot be supporting this.”

Rachel yawned and stretched, burrowing her head deeper into Chloe’s lap. “My parents are dead to me, Mrs. P. No worries here.”

“I always knew you were a bad influence. I don’t know what you said to her, or did to her, but enough is enough.” Joyce sounded like she was crying, and Chloe couldn’t bring herself to feel that bad about it.

“Mom, don’t talk to her like that,” Chloe sighed. “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. She made me want to be alive after everything with Dad and Max. She made me feel like I was worth something after you and David had convinced me otherwise. That place isn’t my home, Rachel is. And I only called so you wouldn’t think I was dead. That house stopped being my home when David started hitting me inside of it. I’m done, mom.”

“Chloe, please...I can’t lose you too.”

“I-I’ll see you around, mom.”

Chloe hung up and the car went silent. She couldn’t bring herself to cry. It wasn’t like she’d lost her mom or anything. Joyce had stopped really being her mom a while ago. There were no hard feelings there. Williams' death affected them both very differently. That didn’t make the ache in her chest feel any less heavy.

After a few moments of silence, where Chloe thought she’d fallen back asleep, Rachel spoke. “You think I’m your home?” Her voice was quiet, and more fragile than Chloe had ever heard it. “Chloe, that's...I love you” 

Chloe didn’t think Rachel Amber would ever cry over her, but she froze as she felt a few stray tears hit her thigh. “O-of course you’re my home, Rach. You’re my world, even.”

Rachel sniffled, smiling into Chloe’s lap. “That’s pretty gay, Price.” 

Chloe snorted as she turned the key and started up the truck, pulling out of the parking lot. “Oh shut up. How are we feeling about Seattle? I know this is sort of a me thing, but we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

Rachel hummed, looking up at Chloe as she drove. “She’s hella important to you—this Max chick. I wanna see what she’s all about, so Seattle, here we come.” She smiled and leaned up to quickly kiss Chloe’s lips. Her hand cradled Chloe’s jaw as she pulled away.

“You gonna introduce me to her as your girlfriend? Think it’ll make her jealous?”

“Girlfriends? Is that what we are now?”

“Well for it to be official, you’d have to ask me, Price.”

Chloe beamed, letting Rachel shuffle off her lap and into the passenger seat. She didn’t take her eyes off the road as she asked, but she didn’t really need to. She could see Rachel out of the corner of her eye, and feel her bouncing next to her in excitement. “Rachel Dawn Amber, love of my life, will you be my girlfriend? Officially.”

“Obviously. I mean I did run away with you.” Rachel snickered. “That should’ve been an indicator that I was in it for the long haul.” She grabbed Chloe’s free hand with a wide smile.

“Shut up.” Chloe rolled her eyes, her smile growing impossibly wider.

“I love you. And I’m never leaving you now. You’re stuck with me.”

Chloe squeezed her hand, her tone fond. “I know.”