Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hey, James and the giant peach, turn your camera and mic on, Steve’ll be on any second and I need your input.”

Bucky glared at the screen, which only had Tony’s frowning face on it. Soon it would have Steve’s smiling face on it, and Bucky didn’t know he was going to deal with it. But he knew for sure that he most definitely would not, under any circumstances, be turning on any device that let Steve know it was him. 

It had been three months. Not that Bucky was counting… Facebook was counting for him. 

He waited a second to make sure Steve wasn’t going to make a sudden appearance on the call before hitting the spacebar to temporarily unmute himself. “I told you, Tony, you’re not paying me for input, you’re paying me to build sensors, I’m not required to be on this call at all according to my actual job description. So I will be sitting here working on what you actually pay me for, and listening, that is it. Complain all you want, but that’s all you’re getting. You can change that by changing my salary.”

Screen Tony rolled his eyes, but was cut off by the blinking of another person entering the call. 

Steve. The camera adjusted and Bucky took a deep breath. Steve looked good. He looked tired, maybe a little more grey in his beard? But he looked good. Bucky knew that he wasn’t currently in New York so it must be a makeshift office of some kind in D.C, there was a plant behind him, but not much else. 

Steve rubbed a hand over his mouth while he waited for the audio to connect, and then that deep rumbly voice came through the speakers. “Hey, Tony, how is it going?”

“Uncle Steve! I’m doing good, how’s the capital life? Seeing lots of museums, enjoying all the old people things?”

Bucky chuckled a little sadly. He missed giving Steve crap for being old. 

“It’s different, I miss a lot of things about New York, but I’m doing good. Who else is on the call with us?”

Steve missed a lot of things about New York. That was so good to hear instead of read. 

Bucky had made absolutely sure that his name would not at all be displayed to Steve, his employee number the only thing next to the black box that was supposed to be his camera display. 

“Oh, this is my Buckaneer, he’s being annoying and saying I don’t pay him enough to be on the call, so he’s just listening, whatever the fuck that means.”

That line between Steve’s eyebrows appeared. “Buckaneer?”

Fucking Tony, he had better not blow his cover, he didn’t want Steve knowing. 

“Yeah, my second in command, you already know he’s working on the sensors for Jarvis, he’s my right hand man who’s a little more left, my top engineer if I wasn’t including myself.”

“You always include yourself, Tony, god shut up.” Bucky groaned into his hands, and pulled out his phone to keep himself busy. He had told Tony he would be working, but with that voice and face in front of him for the first time in three months there was no way that was happening.

Steve was nodding. “Well, hopefully eventually we’ll talk a little more in depth about everything, but I did receive the blueprints, so I do appreciate that…”

He was searching for a name, he was trying to get Tony to tell him his name. 

Thank god for Tony being an ass. He instantly turned the conversation towards the requirements Bucky had drawn up and the actual business started. Bucky tuned out for most of it, he already knew everything Tony was bringing up and didn’t really care about the other business things. 

He spun around in his chair and opened his camera. What should he post today? He was on day 76 of his “things I love about life” challenge that if anyone asked he had started spontaneously with absolutely no other motive. No had one asked yet, but Sam was constantly teasing him for it. 

Well, fuck Sam and his dumb messages. He’d sent Bucky a friend request about a week after the news explosion and Bucky had accepted it thinking it’d be a way for him to talk to Steve. But no, Sam just wanted to be an ass and gloat about his proximity to Steve and how often he got to see him.

It was everyday, Sam got to talk to Steve every fucking day and Bucky was left constantly stalking Steve’s Facebook to see if he’d posted anything. It was dumb. He hated it. Sam hadn’t even told Steve he talked to Bucky. So rude.

“Yes, we have the groundbreaking scheduled for next week, and the foundation should be in within a month. This is my biggest project and I’m putting a lot of my men on it so sticking to schedule should go smoothly.”

“It had better, that’s what my dad pays you for, Steve.”

He had already posted about a lot of the broader things in his life, and had gotten to the point of posting incredibly random details because his life was kind of boring, and he’d been in too much of a funk to do much about it. And no, Natasha, that did not mean he was depressed, thank you very much. 

For a second he considered posting something related to the conference call, but if Steve was using his brain, doubtful but he did occasionally, then he could connect the dots and Bucky didn’t want that. So he spun in his dumb little cubicle looking for inspiration. He rarely used his cubicle, preferring to stay in the lab, but Tony was conferencing from the lab, and he couldn’t risk being seen in the background. 

His phone pinged with the dumb messenger sound.

Hey, guess what I’m doing right now?

Fucking Sam, Bucky did not want to know. 

What?

Making Steve’s lunch. Do you think he’d want mustard or mayonnaise on his sandwich?

What an asshole. Why in the world was Steve friends with this idiot?

We both know Steve doesn’t like mustard. He is a white Irish stereotype if there ever was one.

He didn’t get a response. Why did he have to deal with so many assholes in his life? Ugh. 

He was not moping. To prove it he set down his phone and opened his laptop, leaving the conference call open on his desktop. He started working through some of the code involved with expanding Jarvis’s capabilities and pretended to focus on it. Tony had finally given him access once he’d pointed out that he had to make sure both the sensors and the AI were upgraded and compatible. 

It’s not his fault he couldn’t focus on it, Steve’s face was right there, being all businessy and perfect. God, he was hot when he was working. Bucky hadn’t had a chance to really see that side of him, besides the occasional client phone call Steve would get when they were spending time together. But it really suited him, he looked confident and assured. 

He didn’t look depressed, which made Bucky’s heart beat a little easier. 

Steve suddenly looked up and behind the screen, obviously talking to someone who had just entered the room. 

“Lunch for ya, figured you hadn’t eaten yet.”

“Oh, thank you, Sam, you’re the best.”

Bucky pursed his lips and took a deep breath, because seriously, fuck Sam. Sam was not the best, Bucky was the best, Steve had told him. The fact that he had the ability to make Steve food and see him, and had an office for him in his house didn’t mean shit. 

It was back to business until his phone pinged again. 

Aw, you remembered. Steve said he loved his sandwich, btw. 

Bullshit, Steve hadn’t said that and he hadn’t even taken a bite yet. Not that he could tell Sam he knew that. 

He replied with a complete wall of the middle finger emoji to make himself feel better about it.

Which was kind of inspiring. He screenshotted the messages, cropped everything out except the wall of emoji and pulled up Facebook. 

Day 76 of things I love, the ability to send someone such a beautiful message with hardly any effort. Emojis are life, and assholes are annoying. I love being able to respond appropriately. 

Ha, fuck Sam. 

It was a less Steve-centric post but it would be fine. Normally he tried to include some kind of memory from their time together, but some days he just wanted to vent. Steve would let him vent, Steve would understand. 

Bucky sat back and watched Steve’s face on the screen again. He missed that face, he missed kissing that face, and he missed getting reactions from that face. It really wasn’t fair that he had to be so far away and pretend that everything was fine. 

Everything wasn’t fine, he knew he was getting maudlin again, but honestly, his life sucked and he just wanted that to be fixed. He wanted Steve back, he wanted their evenings together back, even the dumb long conversations that were confusing and hard, he’d take those back in an instant. Because having those back would mean Steve was back. 

A phone call lit up his phone, it was Natasha. She had been a lot more involved in his life since Steve had left. They called often when he was at work, and all three of them spent more evenings together than not. It was nice, even though it was a constant reminder that they were keeping him from spiraling. 

“Hey, Nat.”

“Hey, you still on the conference call?”

“Yup.”

He heard her sigh and winced a little. He hated how stressed he was making her lately. “Well, go on, tell me. How is he?”

He leaned back in his chair and stared at the screen, filtering out the words and simply watching the expressions flickering across Steve’s face. He hadn’t truly smiled much during the entire call… “He’s good. He looks good, he’s in some kind of office at Sam’s house. I don’t know, though, you know how good he was at hiding shit when he’s in business mode. Sam seems to think he’s fine though, so I guess he is.”

“What’s he wearing?”  

Bucky laughed at the tease in her voice, but couldn’t blame her. He wore the tie from Steve as often as he could, even around the house. She thought it was dumb that he hadn’t even undone the knot.

“Shut up…. It’s a red tie today, I don’t know that I like it. He looks better in darker ties, I think it’s the blonde hair. No suit jacket though, it’s a good look.”

At that moment Steve reached up to adjust the tie as he answered another question from Tony. Bucky made sure he was still muted. 

“Hm, well, we’re taking you out tonight, so as soon as you get off you’re taking a shower, putting on the clothes I lay out for you and we’re gonna get a little drunk, all of us need it.”

It sounded appealing while also sounding horrible. “Aren’t we a little old for getting drunk on a Thursday?”

“Oh, please, it just means the club won’t be as crowded.”

He shrugged, too miserable to really object. “Okay, this is the last thing I have to do today so as soon as they’re done talking I’ll get out of here.”

“You sound sad, James, cheer up. The news said his first meeting between the lawyers and everything is happening tomorrow, that’s good, it could be over sooner than we thought.”

Bucky actually laughed at that. “Come on, Nat, you know nobody believes that. She’s gonna drag this shit out for as long as possible. And it’s called mediation.”

“Whatever, be sad then, but you’re still going out and we’re all going to enjoy ourselves. You need to get laid.”

“Nat, I will fucking hang up on you, don’t think I won’t.” She really needed to shut up with the getting laid nonsense. He knew he was being annoying with everything, but getting some random guy’s cock in his ass is not what he needed. She knew that, she just liked being obnoxious.

“Come on, it might make you feel better, relieve some tension.”

He rolled his eyes and hung up on her. It wasn’t the first time, she’d be fine. He didn’t need tension relief, he needed Steve, and it wasn’t fair that he couldn’t even talk to him. 

Whatever, he had shit to do, and if he was going to have to go out tonight he needed to get some of tomorrow’s work done before he left today. He put his phone down and woke up his laptop again. 

When Steve signed off of the conference call he did a dorky little wave at the camera. “You guys have a good weekend, hopefully we’ll sit down and chat again soon, especially about those sensors. I’d love to go over the details on the updates.”

Bucky couldn’t resist using the chat function to send a simple Have a good weekend, Steve.

Steve probably wouldn’t be having a good weekend, not with the divorce finally getting underway. Bucky wished he could reference that without being creepy, but oh well. Steve would know that Bucky was thinking about him and supporting him.

Right? 

—%— 

Sam was mad at him, but Steve didn’t care. He had packed an overnight bag at the little tiny apartment he’d rented and brought it to Sam’s house so he could use Sam’s home office and stay the night before he left for New York in the morning. 

After he finished the conference call he’d changed into his sweats and a t-shirt and claimed his corner of their couch to spend some time drawing. That had been a few hours ago and his phone was dying. It was propped on his knee while he sketched, a picture he’d stolen off of Bucky’s Facebook page opened to give him a reference to work with. He just wanted to finish the details before he moved, not wanting to run out of steam. 

“Hey,” 

Steve glanced up and quickly lifted his pencil when Sam dropped gracelessly onto the couch next to him. When it seemed like he'd settled in, Steve went back to it, still focused. 

“What?”

“You know when I told you to go back to drawing for fun I didn’t expect you to actually do it.”

“Then why’d you tell me to?” The distraction was still obvious in his voice as he glanced back at his phone to make sure he’d gotten the shadow of an ear right. 

“Because you were moping, and I can’t stand that. Now you’re just quiet and focused. It’s a nice look on you.”

“Thanks.” His phone beeped at him, he was down to ten percent. All he needed to do was finish the shading on his jawline and he could do the rest from memory. 

“How many of those have you drawn?”

Steve couldn’t help rolling his eyes. “Pictures? You gave me this notebook Sam, you know how far I am into it.”

“Yeah, but like, of Bucky, I mean.”

Steve’s hand slowed to a stop and he sighed. He had a folder on his phone of pictures he’d pulled from Bucky’s social media, the folder also had a screenshot of every one of Bucky’s posts to him. He had dedicated this notebook almost entirely to Bucky. The first few pages had been practicing to get back into sketching people, but everything else was either Bucky, or a copy of whatever picture he had posted. He didn’t have nearly enough pictures to make him happy, but he had finally relearned the skills necessary to take reference pictures and sketch entirely new settings and poses. It helped. 

Why Sam wanted to harp on this all of a sudden was unknown. 

“What do you want, Sam?” He sighed again, finally looking up at his friend. 

Sam had his therapist face on. “You miss him.”

Steve grit his teeth and went back to sketching. “Your point?”

“Is that why you won’t let me go with you tomorrow? No support if you can’t have the support you want?”

“Sam, can you please give it a rest?”

“He’s right, though, Steve.” 

Steve groaned and clicked his phone off. Riley was involved now which meant this was going to be an actual conversation. He looked up just as Riley dropped down next to Sam. Steve appreciated that neither of them were crowding him. Touch felt different after Bucky. 

“I know, and I understand why you guys don’t like it. But you both have jobs, and I am going to be in New York for at least two days. I can’t ask you to cancel on that many clients. Besides I also don’t want to be in a car, and you,” he looked pointedly at Riley. “Don’t want your husband on a motorcycle, so it’s not my fault I can’t take him.”

“Come on, man, that’s such a dumb argument. I can take my car, you can take your motorcycle, you just don’t want support so you’re making up dumb excuses.”

“Matt and Foggy are both going to be there, I’ll be fine.”

“Your lawyer and his assistant don’t count.”

Steve only shrugged, trying to cut the conversation off. 

“Come on, man, you’re really worrying me with this.” Sam actually sounded worried, which wasn’t unusual with how Steve’s life was going, but normally Sam tried to hide it with humor to make Steve feel better. 

“Sam,” Steve had the decency to put his sketchbook on the side table and turn to mostly face the two therapists. He was glad they hadn’t gone full therapist on him yet, but judging by their matching frowns he didn’t have long till they took that approach. “Look, I understand, I do. And you’re right, I do really want Bucky with me.” And that took so much work to say without his voice breaking. They didn’t understand how much he wanted Bucky next to him tomorrow. “But that’s not an option, and I understand that you guys want to help, but I need to do this by myself.”

Riley sat up a little straighter, leaning in, one hand settling onto Sam’s thigh between them. “You don’t have to do it by yourself, we want to help you, we want to be there for you.”

“I know, and I appreciate it. But…” He tried to get his thoughts in order, to truly be able to tell them why he didn’t need them there. “I need to prove to myself that she doesn’t control me anymore. I need this to be all me. She fucked me over multiple times, the manipulation, the affair, and I just need to know that I can handle her by myself.”

He was met with silence for long moments, both of his friends considering as they watched him, and then turned to look at each other. They had one of their silent conversations that Steve had never been able to follow, and finally turned back to him. 

Sam brought his hand up to clasp Steve’s shoulder gently. “Okay, alright, you do your thing, but I swear to you, man, if I even think that you struggled too much by yourself you won’t be able to keep me out of that courthouse next time, you hear?”

Steve reached up to pat Sam’s hand. “That’s how it is?”

Sam broke into a grin at their little joke. “Yeah, that’s how it is.”

He nodded, finally smiling. “Okay, if I need you next time you’ll be the first to know.”

They both nodded and Steve thought that was all. He picked his sketchbook back up, but stopped when Sam didn’t lift his hand. 

He looked back up. “What?”

Those expressions were full therapist now. Calm and collected, while still being worried and focused. 

“Sketching is an incredible outlet, and we’re both really glad that you’re using it. But maybe it’s time to consider actual therapy… I can give you a few names, you can try a couple of them to see if they can help you.” 

Steve stared at Riley, not really sure how to say no. They’d both been mentioning it on and off since he moved here, but he’d never needed therapy before and he didn’t really like the idea of spilling his guts to a stranger. 

The concern was palpable though, and he couldn’t deny that there were days when he wanted to lose himself in meaningless activities so he didn’t have to think, or rock the scales in the other direction by doing absolutely nothing and staring into space. 

Maybe that meant he needed more help than he was willing to admit. 

He finally sighed. “If I promise to look into it when I get back can we drop the subject?”

“You know we only bring it up cause we care, right?” Sam’s expression was tight and worried, and it hurt to look at. He hated that he worried people this much. He used to be a lot better at hiding the shit he was dealing with. 

“I know, it’s just hard.”

Riley leaned forward again, the calm expression on his lightly tanned skin a stark contrast to the worried one on Sam’s darker complexion. “You promise? You’ll actively look into it?”

Steve nodded, knowing he’d follow through no matter how uncomfortable it was. “I promise.”

They nodded and relaxed into each other. Steve tried not to envy the casual care they showed in their actions. He missed sharing that connection with Bucky. It’d been so long since he’d felt that.

Eventually Riley broke the tension by turning the conversation to dinner. Steve ignored them and went back to his sketching. 

A few minutes later his phone died, but he simply set it on the side table and kept going by memory. No matter how many times he drew Bucky he could never get everything right. Sometimes he managed the eyes okay, though he never could catch all the emotion they held. Other times his nose was off, or the quirk of his lips. This time he’d done a pretty good job, but he kept going back over the way the hair fell across his face, the life of it wasn’t there, no matter how happy the expression of the sketch was. 

It reflected his own current emotions more than the memories he was pulling on.

A plate appeared at his elbow eventually, he glanced up to smile in thanks but barely ate anything. His stomach was in knots, and he really only wanted one thing, one touch. 

When he finally set the sketch aside and went into the guest room to charge his phone it was past midnight. What was Bucky up to? Was he missing Steve? Being without him was agony if Steve spent too much time thinking about it. 

He went to bed with the screen open to Bucky’s contact number. He didn’t remember when he’d saved it, but he couldn’t bear to forget the string of numbers. So, as with so many other nights in the past three months, he fell asleep staring at the digits and the simple necktie emoji that labeled them. 

It wasn’t nearly as comforting as he wanted it to be. 

— % — 

Bucky was past tipsy, but wasn’t quite past the sulky stage yet. Another couple of shots and he’d be clear into the fun side of drunk, but for now he was staring glumly at the table, wishing he’d never let Natasha trick him into this. 

She’d brought him to the same fucking club that he’d met Steve in, they were even sitting at the same table. 

She’d made him wear the same top he’d worn that night. He hadn’t worn it since Steve and it seemed sacrilegious to wear it again without him. 

So he was sitting at their booth, waiting for Natasha to drag Clint off the dance floor and make him drink water. 

Wanda appeared at his shoulder and he had to steady one hand on the table as he looked up at her. 

“Hey, Bucky, how’re you doing?”

He shrugged, looking back down at the glass in his hands. He dragged his fingers through the condensation on the outside of it. It was whiskey, on the rocks, exactly what Steve always drank when they went out. 

“I’m okay, how’re you and Pietro?”

She smiled and shrugged. “We’re doing good, it’s good to see you out here, it’s been a while.”

He smiled back at her, or tried to, and skirted the implied question. “Yeah, sorry, things have been busy lately.”

She shrugged again, finally setting the glass in her hand down in front of him. “Well, there’s a gentleman at the bar who wanted me to give this to you. He’s the one in the blue plaid, he’s a good one, and definitely interested.” 

She smirked at him before turning on her heel and disappearing again. 

His treacherous heart leaped a little, his dumb drunk mind hoping against hope. But one pass of his eyes and disappointment settled like a rock in his stomach. 

She was right, the guy was good looking at least. He didn’t measure up, but he was decent. His dark hair was slicked back, he had a decent jawline, but it lacked the beard that was always so enticing. He was a few seats down from where Steve had been sitting that first night.

Bucky winced a little when their eyes met across the space. He forced himself to smile and bring the glass to his lips. 

Eh, it was just beer, and not even the local one they had on tap. 

He went back to his whiskey after another sip and pulled out his phone. Steve’s Facebook profile only required a single S in the search bar before it popped up and he scrolled down it. Nothing new, which was slightly disappointing. It’d been four days since Steve had posted anything, and six days since he’d mentioned missing driving the crowded streets of New York on his motorcycle. 

Bucky loved thinking of the moments when they’d ridden together. 

He was rudely jerked out of his thoughts by someone sliding in beside him on the booth seat. He looked up to find the man in the blue plaid smirking at him from much closer than he’d like. 

“Hi, I’m Nate,”

Bucky was not drunk enough to deal with this shit. “Hi,”

“Couldn’t help noticing you’re all by yourself, and not looking happy about it.”

If only this jackass knew. “Yeah, I’m not interested, sorry. I’m here with friends, they’re just dancing.”

Instead of taking the rejection Nate slid a little closer, one arm on the back of the booth and sliding around Bucky’s shoulders. 

“I’d love to put a smile on your face, even just for tonight.”

Bucky turned away from him, using everything he’d learned from Natasha and shutting down his body language. “Yeah, not really felt like smiling much lately, and there’s not anything you could do to change that.”

He picked his phone back up and kept scrolling, trying to focus his mind on the posts he’d practically memorized, but unable to ignore how close Nate was pressing. 

“Oh, come on, sweetheart, just a conversation, see what it turns into.”

The use of that endearment cut way too close to the emotions Bucky was trying to shove down. It sounded so strange, it didn’t hold the warmth, or the care that Steve always used. It was nauseating in comparison. 

Anger was the first reaction, his first instinct to lash out, to turn and tear into this man who dared to think he could live up to everything Bucky had seen and felt. 

Before he could even get to the point of turning his head to glare he was saved by Natasha dropping an incredibly drunk Clint into the opposite side of their booth. 

His gratitude was quickly pushed aside when he saw the smug happy look on her face. 

The emotions swirling inside him surfaced so quickly he couldn’t stop them, was both too drunk and not drunk enough to even try to stop them. 

How could she even think that this was better for him? How could she expect him to just move on and accept some other mediocre person instead of Steve and everything that Steve was?

He tossed back the rest of his whiskey to hide the burning in his eyes. 

“Who is this, James? It’s wonderful to see you making friends.”

Before Nate could respond Bucky shoved him, forcing him out of the booth so Bucky could get past him. He barely remembered to grab his phone as he straightened. 

“I’m done, Nat, I don’t want to be here, I never wanted to be here, and you fucking know why. I’m going home, I’ll text you when I get there.”

“Hey!-”

“Bucky, come on-”

He grabbed his jacket from the back of the booth, some still rational part of himself remembering that it was too cold to walk without one. 

Ignoring Nate seemed to do the trick and he finally walked away, so Bucky leveled another glare at Natasha instead. 

“I can’t believe you, you know how I feel, I never wanted to be here.”

She was frowning at him now, and reached forward to grab his arm. “Maybe it would be better if you’d just-”

He shook her off roughly, the alcohol in his system doing nothing to keep him level. “No, Nat, I’m done. Stop, god, just stop already, nothing’s going to make it better!”

She tried to grab him again, but he spun away, forcing himself past the crowd of people, desperate for air. The cold hit him in the face when he pushed the doors open, and he took gasping breaths to calm himself. 

He didn’t want to lose his control, he’d held onto it so tightly the last few months. 

They’d planned on taking the subway back together, but Bucky knew he’d never make it on his own, so he stepped to the curb, hailing a taxi after just a few minutes. 

Natasha called him three times while they drove, but he ignored it in favor of leaning his heated forehead on the glass. His mind refused to shut down and all he could think about was Steve. The moments when he’d cared, when he’d been so soft and kind, but also so strong and dependable. His eyes burned again as he imagined what Steve would say, how he’d pull Bucky from this edge if he was here. 

Maybe a hand on his cheek, fingers through his hair. Or maybe even a harsh kiss, a firm command to ‘ let daddy take care of you ’. 

God, he missed being taken care of. 

A sob tried to break free of his throat and he quickly brought a hand up, biting down on his knuckles to keep quiet. 

By the time the taxi pulled up in front of the apartment he was a mess, not that he hadn’t been before. Now it was just much more obvious. His eyes blurred, and tears streaked his face, his hair was tangled from the times he’d hid behind it only to push it back again. “Don't hide from me, baby, let me see that face.” The echoes of Steve were in every movement, every time he brushed away a tear, every time he caught a glimpse of his outfit and was reminded forcibly of the first time Steve had stripped him down to his core. 

Fuck, he missed him so badly. 

He didn’t remember getting into the apartment, but somehow he’d found his way. 

Another echo of another night months before guided his feet to the kitchen. Steve had made him drink water, he should drink water again. Following the ghost of the command didn’t make him feel better, but it did something to calm him.

He was unsteady, but less than he’d been when he’d left the club, so he braved the shower, wanting to clean the night from his skin. 

By the time he’d finished the tears had stopped, his breathing was even, and he was back to simply feeling unsteady and tipsy. 

It wasn’t any more pleasant than anything else had been, but he’d learned to cope with that lately. 

Natasha and Clint got home just as he was getting dressed. He heard them stumbling their way in, Clint mumbling and, if history was anything to go by, trying to get into Natasha’s pants. 

He kept his door closed, listening without caring as they passed his door to get to their own bedroom. 

Work tomorrow wasn’t happening, he should have known not to do this to himself on a weeknight, but he hadn’t anticipated losing control like that. Sitting on the edge of his bed he typed out a quick text to Tony, letting him know he wouldn’t make it in. He’d make up the work later. 

How absolutely pathetic. One night out, it hadn’t even been his first night out since Steve had left, which almost made it worse. How could he be losing it this badly? He’d told Steve he could be strong, he wanted to be strong. 

He wanted Steve. 

A knock on his door startled him so much that he dropped his phone. 

He picked it up and made his way to the door, slightly impressed that he wasn’t as unsteady. 

It was Nat, unsurprisingly. 

“What?”

“Bucky, I’m sorry. I’m glad you made it home.”

Everything that he’d assumed she’d say, and that was not even on the list. 

He didn’t have the energy to do much more than shrug. “I’m fine, I’ll see you in the morning.”

She reached out to keep the door from closing and he envied her ability to drink them under the table and still come out on top somehow. Her cheeks were flushed, but that was the only indication that she wasn’t stone cold sober. 

“Can we talk? I didn’t realize… I’m sorry, I should have been listening to you, but I just assumed that you would get over him. That was wrong of me.”

The sincerity hit him in the chest, his control already fractured by the alcohol in his blood, and he couldn’t help the way he crumbled. 

Natasha caught him around the waist and he clung to her. He was sobbing again by the time she got him to the bed. There was no judgment in her body language or expression as she wrapped her arms around him and stroked fingers through his hair. 

“I miss him.” 

She nodded, the choke in his voice not enough to keep her from understanding. 

“I know you do, and I’m sorry I didn’t realize how much.” 

Bucky didn’t know how long he cried, she just let him, eventually laying him on his side and pulling the covers over him. She didn’t leave though, and he was grateful for that. She sat on the side of the bed, fingers still stroking through his hair. 

He finally calmed enough to reach for her again, sniffling a little, and she clasped his hand in hers. 

“I’ve been trying so hard to keep going, but not having him here hurts, so much.”

She nodded, her eyes sad as she watched him. “You’ve been doing a good job, enough to fool me. You haven’t broken down once, till now, and I thought it was because you were getting over him. I’m sorry, I should have listened better.”

Exhaustion was pulling him under and he just shook his head. “Not your fault, just… Please don’t make me do that again… I don’t want to go out anymore, it hurts.”

She leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead. “Okay, I won’t push you again. I understand. Sleep, okay? We’ll talk more in the morning.”

Bucky felt exhausted in every cell of his body, but the alcohol in his system made sleep so uncomfortable. He floated between waking and sleeping for hours, any thoughts or dreams so disjointed they barely made sense at all. His anxiety for Steve and everything Steve would have to go through tomorrow was constantly there, knowing he couldn’t be there was worse than he’d imagined it would be. It wasn’t fair that he couldn’t support Steve like Daniel was supporting Peggy. 

By the time the sun through the curtains woke him up he was covered in sweat and a headache was pounding behind his eyes. He groaned and rolled back over, but knew that trying to get back to sleep was useless. His unconscious thoughts had nothing on waking up anxious and unsettled. 

His phone was vibrating. 

What time was it? Who the hell would be calling him? 

He’d forgotten to plug his phone in, it was at five percent. Great. 

The call was coming through messenger and once he registered the name he quickly swiped to answer. 

“Sam?”

“Bucky, I need you to listen to me, man. Sorry to wake you up but this is important.”

Bucky cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes, anxiety coming back quickly. “No, it’s okay. What’s wrong? Is it Steve?”

“Yeah, it is. I know we haven’t really called before, I just… I’m worried about him today and he’s not letting us help.”

“Is he hurt? What happened?”

Sam seemed to realize how panicked Bucky sounded and quickly dialed it back. “No, he’s not hurt, I’m sorry, no, he’s fine. He’s pretty bad off mentally, but physically he’s fine.”

Bucky finally took a deep breath and leaned back. “Oh, okay, sorry. What’s going on then?”

“He won’t let us go to his mediation with him, he’s going by himself, with just his lawyer.”

Yeah, that sounded like Steve. Too stubborn to let someone help him. “Of course he is.”

“Yeah, so I need to ask you to check in on him.” He cut off Bucky’s automatic protest and kept talking. “I know, I know you guys have your agreement to not get on Peggy’s radar, I get that. But he’s falling apart, he barely slept last night, and he’s been drowning himself in work to avoid thinking about anything. I know you guys have some kind of system set up, I don’t understand it all, but figure something out? Find some way to let him see you? He needs you, and that’s one of the reasons he doesn’t want us to go, because he wants you to be there. Can you do something, whatever it is, to let him know you’re supporting him?”

Bucky’s mind started racing, anticipation setting in. Would he have the chance to see Steve today? God knew he wanted to be there to support him. “I’ll have to think… I need to ask Natasha, she’ll have ideas. Where is he gonna be and when?”

Sam rattled off an address then seemed to think better of it. “I’ll just message it to you. His meeting is set to start at noon, he was going to meet with his lawyers before that at their office, and get to the courthouse around eleven thirty.”

“Okay, I’ll… I’ll figure something out. Thanks for letting me know.”

“Hopefully it’ll help him, he’s not doing so hot, right now.”

That hurt to hear, but at least they were in the same boat. “Yeah, neither am I… I’ll see what I can do.”

“Okay, talk to you later, man.”

Bucky was throwing off the blanket a moment later and rushing to Nat and Clint’s room. It was probably rude of him to knock so loudly knowing they all had hangovers, but this was too important. 

Nat was rubbing her eyes when she answered. “What are you doing? It is way too early.”

“Yeah, I know.” His phone pinged in his hand and he looked down to see an address from Sam displayed. “Sam called me. Steve needs me, but I still can’t let the press or Peggy know we’re together. He gave me the address and time for Steve’s meeting, but I can’t just walk in and let him know I’m supporting him. How should I do it? What should I do?”

Nat grabbed a hair tie from the dresser next to the door then stepped into the hallway. She tied her hair up then reached for his phone and he handed it over. 

Natasha was a genius when it came to this stuff, she’d figure something out. 

Sure enough a moment later she sighed. “Okay, go take a shower, get ready, dress up, I need some time to think, but hopefully we can pull something off.”

He nodded and turned to go but she grabbed his arm. 

“I mean it, shower, wash your hair, relax, I can see how anxious you are, calm down, we got this.”

He ran a hand through his hair and nodded again, a little sheepishly this time. “Okay, thank you, Nat.”

She nodded and shooed him away. 

The shower was nice, even though he’d showered after the club last night. It was nice to take some time and relax. He turned the water up as hot as it would go and spent longer than necessary on his hair. 

When he exited the shower it was just about ten o’clock. Nat was waiting in his room, going through his closet. Steve’s tie was already laid on the bed, along with one of his pairs of slacks. 

She nodded at them and threw his black dress shirt on top of everything. “Get dressed, I have a plan.”

—%—

Steve took a deep breath to gather himself, then pushed the door open. He stepped onto the sidewalk and quickly turned to give Matt a hand out, making sure there was plenty of room so he didn’t get in the way of Matt’s cane. 

Matt and Foggy were turning into a very real miracle. He had used Nelson and Murdock Law many times for his business legal dealings, but hadn’t even realized Matt did divorce cases as well until Matt himself had offered. Steve had known the guy was efficient and capable, despite his handicap, but hadn’t known the full scope until now. Steve didn’t want to think about not having these two to handle everything. 

Foggy got out of the front passenger side and nodded at the driver when he closed the door. He smiled reassuringly up at Steve. “The driver’s gonna park around the block, that way when we get out you can go right there and hopefully avoid the press. You said you don’t want to make a statement, so we’re going to ensure you aren’t pressured to.”

Steve nodded. “Thank you, I really appreciate you both being here.”

Matt reached out and found his arm to give it a squeeze. “Of course we’re here, let’s go give this a try.”

They started up the stairs only for Matt to grab his arm again. “I just remembered one more thing. Have you had any recent contact with Bucky? If it gets brought up we need to be prepared.”

Steve’s heart gave that dumb little jerk that happened every time someone brought him up. He’d told both of them as soon as he knew it would be confidential, knowing that he couldn’t risk it being brought up in court without them being prepared for it. He knew Bucky would understand. “No, I haven’t. Just the Facebook posts that I told you about before.” 

Another nod, then another squeeze. “I can hear your anxiety. Remember, this is just mediation. It’s not meant to be long, an hour or two at most, especially since we’re paying the mediator specifically, not the court, we don’t need to waste time on this. If it fails, it fails and we move on to the court hearing. We shouldn’t see much of her at all, separate rooms make that nice.”

Steve smiled and nodded, then remembered the man couldn’t see him. “Yeah, I know, I don’t mean to be anxious.” He laughed at himself a little, shrugging. “I’ve dealt with worse proceedings in court before, but this feels different.”

Foggy nodded at him. “It is different, everything else you’ve had us deal with is impersonal, strictly business. Looking at this like a business transaction makes it easier, but it’s much more personal than anything else. We’ll back you on anything you need today.”

The reassurance settled him a little and after another moment they set off up the court steps. They checked in and were brought directly to the room set aside from them. 

Steve was grateful they didn’t catch a glimpse of Peggy. Their plan to get here early to avoid her seemed to have worked. 

Now all he had to do was get through this. 

They made themselves comfortable around the conference table in the room, Steve pulled out his phone to shoot a text to Sam, and Foggy pulled out a file folder. It had all of the documents they had requested from Steve, and Steve caught a glimpse of several typed items he wasn’t familiar with. Foggy laid them all out, then guided Matt’s hand to each one in a row. 

Steve almost regretted how early they’d gotten here, it meant he had far too much time to think. The two other men conferred quietly, preparing for as much as they could, but he was left to his own devices. 

Maybe he should have agreed to let Sam come with him. 

But no, he really wanted to do this, and handle it. He wasn’t a child. He could handle his own issues without dragging anyone else through the mud with him. 

By the time the door opened and the mediator stepped in Steve had to physically stop fidgeting. 

“Alright, I’m Todd, I’ll be your mediator today. Mr. Rogers, right?”

Steve quickly nodded. 

“Good, Margaret Rogers-Carter is set up in the other room. This is a fairly simple process, but just so there’s no confusion we’ll go through it again.” Todd had a notepad in his hands and glanced at it as he kept going. “Because Mrs. Rogers-Carter is the plaintiff, she served you papers, she will be going first. I’ll receive her offer for settlement and bring it over here to you, you and your counselors will then have the chance to offer a counter settlement, and I’ll go back to her with it. I’ll continue to go back and forth until an agreement is reached, or we determine that mediation isn’t going to come to a good conclusion. If that happens it will then be your attorney’s responsibility to get a court hearing set up and you’ll go from there. Any questions?”

When he put it like that it all seemed very simple, even though Steve still felt like there was something he was missing. Surely it wasn’t going to be as easy as he was making it sound. He shook his head anyway, pulling his business persona to the surface. “No, that all sounds good.”

Todd nodded, giving another moment before continuing. “Alright, well, I’ll step over there now, and I’ll be back with her first offer. This first step is going to take the longest, but it shouldn’t be more than half an hour. So get comfortable, and try not to stress too much, okay?”

The man smiled reassuringly and Steve nodded, trying to return the smile. He’s not sure he succeeded but Todd didn’t seem to care, and quickly left the room. 

Matt found his forearm and squeezed reassuringly. “We’ll know fairly quickly if this is going to fail or not, and we already know what we want to offer as a counter. Try to relax. After this first step we’ll have more to discuss when he’s in the other room.”

“Do you have any questions, or other concerns for now?” Foggy was watching him closely, but he couldn’t read his expression. 

Steve shook his head. “No, not for now.”

They lapsed back into silence. Sam texted him to check on him, he sent back a fairly honest reply. He opened Facebook, checking the time. It was just after twelve fifteen, normally Bucky didn’t post anything until later in the day, but scrolling his page might help his nerves.

He was surprised to see a new post, the time showing it had been posted just after eleven thirty, much earlier than Bucky usually posted. 

I love walking New York streets and seeing the old buildings. The courthouse behind me has been standing for over 100 years! The architecture is beautiful, I wish I knew more about it, but it’s always been cool to see history in the buildings around us.

Steve smiled, shaking his head a little. He never could tell why Bucky chose to post about the things he did, but it was adorable. He looked a little closer at the picture, remembering the history that he’d learned of the columns that loomed in the background of the selfie; they were ionic columns, if he was remembering correctly. There were a few people walking up the stairs, but the focus was on the general area. In fact…

Steve stopped and thought back to when they’d arrived.

Wasn’t the building Bucky was standing in front of… the building that Steve was in right now? 

He quickly tapped on the picture, zooming in past Bucky to look at the details. Bucky was standing across the street, a car was just pulling away from the curb and a trio of people were walking up the steps… Matt’s cane identified him quickly, and Steve knew that he himself was standing to Matt’s right…

Bucky had been right there… He’d been standing across from Steve, just barely out of sight…

Emotion welled up in Steve, quickly understanding that Bucky was showing Steve in the only way he could that he was supporting him. He took a steadying breath, Bucky’s particular brand of care always seemed to catch him off guard. No one else had ever cared like Bucky had, and this showed it again. Bucky had been right there, unable to stand next to Steve, but doing the next best thing.

He pinched the picture back to full size, his eyes now lingering on Bucky, taking in the details. 

Bucky rarely posted selfies, and if he did it generally included other people. This picture was just Bucky, smiling gently, his hair was windswept, but it had the sleek shiny quality that meant he’d recently washed it and used a blow dryer. He was wearing an unzipped grey hoodie over a black button up shirt… and had Steve’s tie around his neck. 

He had to take another deep breath, the simple claim making his heart swell. No one else would understand, but Bucky had known that Steve would… He was showing Steve’s claim, supporting him, totally in silence, but in a way that Steve wouldn’t be able to miss. 

The post did more to calm him than anything else had. By the time he got around to screenshotting it and adding it to his folder, the door opened and Todd came back in. 

He nodded at all of them, then placed his pad on the table, pulling a chair around to sit opposite of them. “Alright, so let’s get started. Margaret has a few things that she’s adamant about, and a few things she’s willing to be flexible on. This is the proposal they gave me.”

Foggy held out a hand, placing the paper down where both he and Steve could see it. He quietly read it aloud to Matt. “She wants… everything left in the apartment, though not the apartment itself, she makes a claim to the mountain cabin upstate. She does want… oh god, she wants the motorcycle, along with shares in Rogers Architecture and Design, claiming both are marital property… Geez…” 

He continued to read while Steve’s heart started racing, his eyes scanning the page faster. No, no, this wasn’t something he could give her, what did it leave him with? He couldn’t-

A hand squeezed his forearm and he looked up to see Matt’s head tilted in his direction. “I could hear your breathing speed up. It’s alright, we expected this to happen, we have a counterclaim ready, this is not meant to be what she gets, it just gives us an idea of what her priorities are so we can align hers with yours.” 

Steve nodded, forcing himself to speak through the panic. “Okay, I’m okay, just… Thank you for handling this.”

Another squeeze and a smile. “We’re doing our jobs so that you don’t have to panic. It’s alright.”

Todd seemed to agree because he also shot Steve a smile. “That’s what all of this is about, checking to see if compromise is an option. If it’s not, if there’s no way to get everything resolved, it becomes a court issue and the judge decides across the board.”

Foggy glanced up and raised an eyebrow. “Have you worked with her lawyers before? I’ve never worked with him, so I’m not sure of his strategy.”

Todd paused, opening his mouth before closing it again. Finally he shrugged. “No, I haven’t, he’s from a different district, and, just between us, it shows.”

Steve had no idea how to take the smile that touched Matt’s lips at that, but before he could ask Matt changed the subject again. 

“Alright, so this isn’t going to work. According to this Steve doesn’t get much of anything except the apartment and that’s not something we’ll accept. We’ve prepared a counter proposal, which is here, we’ll keep this and talk through some more items on her list while you’re in the other room.”

Todd accepted the paper that Matt pushed across the table and stood up again. “I’ll be back shortly then.”

As soon as the door closed Foggy turned to Steve. “Steve, this is where your determination makes the most impact. She’s pushing for a lot here, which we expected, but this is the final decision on how we’re handling it. There are two ways we can go about it.”

Steve nodded to show he was listening, reaching forward to snag Peggy’s proposal and reread it. 

“One, we could save everyone a whole lot of money and time and compromise with what she wants. You’ve said before that what you physically have is everything you really need, so we could offer for her to have everything she wants, barring the motorcycle and company shares. We’re not negotiable on that still, right?”

Steve nodded again. He would spend a whole lot of money to ensure that Peggy never held a single share in his company, and keeping the motorcycle was important, considering it was his only form of transportation. 

“Good, so we could compromise, give her what she wants within reason and call it good. We could probably get it settled today, you walk out of here and within sixty days the judge signs off, you’re divorced. Second option, we fight for the best options for you, it’ll go to court, she doesn’t sound like she’s willing to compromise much, so it would be another several months before it’s resolved, but you’d get a far better deal.”

He stared down at the proposal, thinking things through. Compromising and being done within two months? He’d be able to get back to Bucky so much sooner than he’d thought… He could move on and rebuild, and yeah, it would suck, but it’d be so much easier. 

But did he want easy? He’d compromised so much over their marriage, he’d spent a lot of time making her happy. Is that how he wanted it to end too?

Slowly he shook his head. No, he didn’t want to make it easy for her this time. “I’m not willing to compromise anymore… I’ve compromised a lot, it’s time for that to stop. She doesn’t get her way this time.”

Matt squeezed his arm again. “I was really hoping you’d say that. Good for you, we’ll handle it then.”

Foggy smiled at him, and for the first time Steve saw the calculating gaze of a lawyer in his eyes. “Let’s nail down exactly what you want, everything you want, down to the small things, and we’ll do our best work to get it for you.”

Peggy’s proposal hadn’t been very detailed. Foggy pulled out their own list that was. Early on, before he’d even left New York, they’d had him put together a list of every single item they’d owned, down to kitchen tools and bathroom items. He hadn’t realized they’d kept it. Now they went through it again. Steve remarked on every single item, ones that he didn’t want, and ones that would be nice to have back. 

He’d spent a whole lot of money on the sound system that went through the living room and kitchen… Peggy had always loved their dresser far more than he had, though, it would be better to get a new one… He cooked more than she did, so having the majority of the kitchen items would be great.

By the time Todd came back Foggy and Matt both looked more scheming than he’d ever seen them. 

Todd passed them back their counter proposal, now incredibly marked up. 

Foggy took one look and barked out a laugh. “They can’t be serious… This is ridiculous. They simply adjusted it to fit their original proposal? Do they need to look up ‘compromise’ in a dictionary?”

Steve could feel the anxiety rushing through him, and he knew he was fidgeting too much, but Foggy didn’t offer the paper to him. He forced himself to take another breath, just because she wasn’t willing to compromise didn’t mean it was over. He’d expected this. He just had to trust his lawyers. 

Todd nodded, his expression speaking volumes about how dumb he thought it was. “Yeah, her lawyer is convincing her that she can get everything on her proposal if they go to court.”

Steve couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward at that. “Wait, she could? I thought it’d be different because of her infidelity, doesn’t that make a difference?”

Matt’s calming hand landed on his arm again. “It’s alright, Steve, her lawyer is wrong.”

Todd nodded, shrugging at Steve. “Between us, it’s horrible legal advice. She wouldn’t be able to win all of that in court if she’d been a model wife and mother. And bringing her paramour to her divorce proceedings only emphasizes how much she was not a model wife.”

That hit Steve harder than he’d thought it would. “She brought Daniel with her?”

It seemed like one thing after another, more and more being added, just to make Steve’s life worse.

Todd hesitated then nodded. “I had assumed you knew that… Yes, she did. He’s with her and her lawyers in the other room.”

Steve dropped his head in his hands, Matt’s hand on his arm moving to his shoulder. 

She had Daniel, and he was left to himself. He couldn’t have Bucky with him because of backlash, but she could get away with bringing Daniel and possibly be better off anyway. She was trying to take everything from him, including his company. He’d hoped that after thirteen years she’d be a little more kind about trying to ruin his life.

“Doesn’t that make some kind of difference?” Steve finally lifted his head, including all three of the other men in his question. “Doesn’t that change anything about what kind of compromise needs to happen? Shouldn’t that sway the decision in my favor?”

Todd tilted his head to one side, shrugging, but Foggy answered the question. 

“Unfortunately, Steve, it doesn’t matter right now. This isn’t about actions, this is about if you two can compromise. It’s only when this goes to court that those kinds of actions will make a difference. It might not make much of a difference anyway with New York state changing to a no-fault state a few years ago.”

Todd hummed a little at that. “I don’t know about that. I mean, it’s true, New York is a no-fault state now, but a lot of our judges were around before that happened, and many of them haven’t changed their ways of dealing with infidelity. If she brings him to court with her most of our judges would be swayed toward you, current status of New York notwithstanding.”

Steve rubbed his hands across his face, trying to find his calm business mindset. “What do we do, then? She just sent back our proposal, she denied it, what… I don’t know what… God, I just want this to be over…”

There was a moment of silence while Steve collected himself, but Matt broke it after a few seconds. 

“What you do is trust us to take care of it. She won’t get away with this, you’ve stated your desires and we know how to get what you need. Ours is by far the more realistic proposal, it takes into account everything, while her’s only acknowledges her wants. If she isn’t willing to compromise at all, that will also influence the way a judge views her.”

Steve closed himself off a little, letting their words wash over him while they discussed the adjusted proposal. Every few minutes Matt would place a hand on his arm and ask him about something. 

“How important is the mountain cabin to you?”... “What do you think about trading the apartment in New York for the shares in your company?”... “Has she signed anything in regards to the company, especially your London chapter?”...

Most of the things he brought up Steve couldn’t care less about. He just wanted this to be over. Would it be worth it to just finish the nightmare by compromising? No.. it wouldn’t, and he knew that. He’d rather walk away with his pride after all this time, even though this sucked so much more than he’d thought it would. 

Eventually Todd left the room again. Matt and Foggy continued to talk and Steve continued to stare at the floor. Occasionally Matt reassured him again that everything would work out. 

When Todd came back he rolled his eyes at the lawyers. “Her counter to this, again not legally sound but her lawyers have convinced her she’ll get it.”

They looked over the paper again, again asking Steve’s opinion when they came across something to bargain for. 

Steve finally collected himself enough to hone back in on the conversation. 

At some point Foggy had pulled out his laptop. “Where is he getting that she deserves the entire shared checking account? It’s a marital account, by all opinions it should be split down the middle.”

“Yes, and why was her lawyer telling her she could continue to pull funds from it? She should have suspended all but the necessary bills until after everything is decided.”

“None of this is making sense, I don’t understand where she’s getting her logic.”

Steve zoned out again. Of course she would be pulling money from the accounts. He hadn’t even looked at the dumb things, handing everything over to Matt instead. It’d been a tense week or two before his check had been rerouted to his new account, but he hadn’t needed the shared account for anything since. He didn’t even want to imagine what she needed the shared account for, they each had their own for a reason.

Finally Todd stood up again, shrugging. “She won’t accept this, but I’ll give it to her.”

Matt nodded without hesitation. “We’re not willing to compromise any more than that, if she doesn’t accept it we are more than prepared to go to court.”

Todd tilted his head again, his mouth twisting. “You’ll be going to court then. I’ll be back.”

Steve ran his hands through his hair again. Why was she being so damn stubborn? She had never cared this much before.

“Alright, Foggy, if you’ll collect all of this nonsense, we’ll need to keep copies of everything she gave us. Proving that mediation failed on her part instead of ours will be important. We’ll need to get in touch with the court before the end of the day to schedule the court hearing.”

Foggy nodded, “Yeah, I’ll get that done before I leave tonight, we should be able to schedule it sometime in March, if I remember their timing correctly.”

Steve sighed heavily. March was over three months away. “What happens after the court hearing?”

They both turned back to him. Matt responded quickly. “The court hearing is where we will showcase to the judge why we believe we should get what we want. The judge can make some preliminary judgements on smaller things, I believe it’ll be in the court hearing that you keeping the motorcycle will be decided. Bigger decisions, such as the apartment and cabin will probably need additional documentation, which the judge will let us know about. We’ll schedule the actual court day to happen after that, which is where we’ll bring the additional documentation, they may ask for witnesses, things like that, and the final decision will be made. If it gets complicated sometimes a second court day is required, but in this case I can’t imagine that it will be.”

“Okay… Why is she being like this? I just don’t understand…”

Foggy smiled sympathetically. “This happens more often than you realize. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it’ll be resolved faster than it feels.”

Todd reentered the room a few moments later, the fastest turn around of the day. “They refused, I think we can consider this a failed mediation.”

All three of them nodded, Steve more resigned than anything else. 

After that it was just wrapping up, payment, and another short wait to ensure that Todd didn’t need anything else. And then they were free to go. Less than two hours all told. Steve was exhausted.

Matt stopped him from standing with a grip on his arm. “We’re going to give her a few moments to get in front of the press. If they’re busy with her they won’t hound you as much.”

It wasn’t funny, but Steve laughed anyway. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

Foggy leveled a stern stare at him. “We already decided that you’re not going to be making a statement. She has said more than enough already, and there’s not anything you can do to change that. Public opinion is in your favor still, let her do the damage she wants to do.”

Matt nodded. “You said that you don’t want to make a statement, so unless you’ve changed your mind that’s what we’re sticking with.”

“No, I haven’t changed my mind. Nothing I could say would change anything, I’d rather keep my dignity.”

Foggy smiled. “Good, then let’s practice. Mr. Rogers, do you have anything to say about your divorce?”

Steve raised an eyebrow in surprise, but shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

Matt cleared his throat pointedly. “Not quite.”

Steve went to try again, but stopped, not knowing what they were looking for. 

Foggy took pity on him, smiling a little. “The correct answer is, ‘I am not available for comment, all questions should be directed to my attorney.’”

“You try it, add your business voice and it’ll be better.” Matt was definitely smiling as well. 

Steve had picked a damn good attorney.

“I’m not available for comment, if you have questions you can direct them to my attorney.” 

It was a little more empowering than he’d expected it to be.

Both of them nodded. Matt squeezed his arm again. “Good, that should be repeated to anyone who asks, unless they are close friends. Anyone could be a reporter, so if you don’t personally know them you’re not to give a comment. Send everyone to us, we can handle the press far better than you can.”

Steve decided to trust them on that one. 

A few minutes later they exited the room, the hallway and atrium were both deserted, and when they got to the door it was obvious why. 

A crowd of press cameras and microphones were set up all around the steps, and currently focused on two people. 

Daniel had an arm placed around Peggy’s waist as she spoke. 

The wind had apparently picked up and it kicked her hair and skirt up to swirl around her. 

Matt grabbed his arm again, stopping him from pushing open the door. “Breathe, you will not be talking to them. The car is parked on the east side of the block, walk as quickly as you can but do not run, don’t even speed walk, an urgent stride should do the trick. The driver will greet you there and take you to your hotel. Spend the rest of the day decompressing. We’ll be in touch with the court date.”

Steve nodded and smiled at Foggy gratefully. “Thank you, so much, for handling all of this. I really appreciate it. I’ll look forward to hearing from you.”

“Of course, have a good day.”

“Get some rest, take care.”

Don’t run, don’t run, don’t run. He pushed through the doors, quickly moving down the steps on a diagonal so he could avoid as many of the cameras as possible. The wind was biting through his suit jacket, but he kept his head up, his eyes focused on the east corner of the city block. There was a taxi stand there, a crowd of people waiting. If he could blend in to the crowd he’d be more likely to avoid the press. 

He resisted the urge to look over his shoulder, he kept his hands in his pockets and his eyes focused. 

And didn’t realize someone was walking across the street toward him until they collided. Hard.

“Shit!” He quickly reached out to grab them, steadying them to keep them both from falling. 

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry, I wasn’t…”

They were wearing a grey hoodie, and a black button up over slacks…

As he held them close the wind swirled and knocked the hood down off their head. 

Bucky smiled up at him. 

His fingers gripped onto the front of Steve’s jacket.

“It’s okay, I’m okay, Steve… Hi…”

“Bucky…” Steve stared at him. Bucky was here, he was standing right in front of him. Steve was holding him. 

“Hi, we can’t stand here long, I just…” Bucky seemed to trip a little, but after taking a few steps to the side he steadied. Steve tightened his hold on him, his fingers digging into the meat of Bucky’s arms. “I’ve been here the whole time, Steve, I needed you to know that, I was here with you the whole time.”

The grey of Bucky’s eyes was so much more beautiful than he’d remembered. Steve couldn’t stop staring, couldn’t get his mouth to work. 

“I love you, Steve, and I wish I could have walked in there with you. You know that, right? If you’d given me a single indication you wanted to screw the plan and have me with you, I would have. I miss you so much.”

“Bucky…” Steve raised a hand to cup Bucky’s face, but he quickly derailed that, grabbing Steve’s hand out of the air to squeeze it. 

“I know, careful, we can’t let them see anything. I love you.”

The surprise slowly drained, and Steve’s mind seemed to get back on track. Bucky’s eyes glancing over his shoulder pulled reality back down around them. 

Bucky had positioned them so that Steve’s back was to the press, with Bucky’s height they wouldn’t be able to see him. 

“Baby, you’re a genius. Hi, I miss you so much. Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re here.”

Bucky smiled again, Steve’s own personal brand of sunshine. “Hi, I couldn’t just let you be alone, I had to see you.”

Steve stared some more, drinking him in. He looked beautiful. “Oh, baby, I want to kiss you. Thank you, you’re so wonderful, thank you for being here for me.”

Bucky blinked, and were those tears? “I know, I want to kiss you too, but this can’t look like anything more than someone running into you. If you want to screw the plan just tell me, and we can do whatever we want.”

Temptation flooded through Steve, but it only lasted a flash of a moment. Reality and sensibility were so stupid. “I want to, so badly, but I can’t. This… it’s not going to be pretty, Buck, and more than ever I need to keep you safe. She’s not being kind about this.”

Bucky nodded. “I know, you should avoid listening to her interview, it’s all bullshit.”

Steve shook his head, he had Bucky in his arms again, he didn’t want to think about Peggy. “I miss you, baby, I think about you everyday. Are you okay? How have you been?”

Bucky smiled up at him, pulling a little closer to him. With Steve holding one arm and the other hand it was almost an embrace. 

“It's hard, and I miss you, but I’m okay. I’m doing okay. What about you? How’s D.C.?”

Steve shook his head. “You’re not there… Nothing makes up for that.” Everything suddenly came bubbling up inside him and he wanted to tell Bucky everything, fill him in and show him how much he’d missed him. “I got back into life drawing, I stole your social media pictures and Sam makes fun of how often I sketch you. He also made me promise to start going to therapy and talking through things, instead of just ignoring them.”

Bucky’s smile only grew wider. “God, that’s so good to hear, I’m so proud of you. Don’t let Sam be too annoying, and I want to see those sketches eventually, you never showed me any of your art before.” He squeezed his hand and glanced over his shoulder again. “Remember that I love you, and if you want me with you all you have to do is call. I’d be there in an instant. Don’t let her take advantage, she’s taken enough. Give her hell, okay?”

Steve nodded, knowing Bucky was about to walk away and desperate for this not to end. His grip tightened. “Sweetheart, I need you, god, you matter so much to me, and I miss you.”

Bucky smiled and reached up to touch his cheek quickly. “I know, I love you. I’m here, I’ll always be here for you, be safe.”

Another squeeze and Bucky stepped back. Steve felt the cold of the wind again and wanted nothing more than to pull Bucky back into his arms. 

Bucky was straightening his jacket and grinning sheepishly. “Hopefully I’ll run into you again before this is finally over.”

Steve forced himself to straighten his own clothes and smile back, hoping the desperation wasn’t obvious to anyone but the boy in front of him. “Please do, I miss you.”

Another smile. “I love you. I’ll see you later.”

With that he gave a small wave and walked past Steve. 

Steve forced himself not to look back and to keep walking. 

— % —

Bucky glanced back only once. Steve looked so sad and so alone walking down the sidewalk. 

He had to keep going, he couldn’t make this more conspicuous. He repeated Natasha’s instruction in his head. Keep going in the same direction you were when you intercepted him, don’t cover your face, don’t run, same direction, same pace. Anything else will look suspicious. 

The direction would force him to go past the crowd of press. He lowered his head, blending in with the small flow of people also passing behind the cameras.

He caught a glimpse of both Peggy and Daniel, and who he assumed to be Steve’s lawyers. They were all busy speaking into microphones, looking into cameras. 

He made it past and kept walking until he found the subway entrance. 

His thoughts followed their own train. 

What was Steve doing now?

— % —

He shouldn’t have done it. Bucky even told him not to. Sam would be furious. 

He stared at the phone in his hand, paused on the recap of Peggy’s interview on the courthouse steps. He hadn’t even been able to watch all of it. 

If he kept watching it he might be physically sick. 

But he needed to know how she answered this one. He backed it up a few seconds and hit play.

“Mrs. Carter, you’ve already stated that your affair lasted nearly two years in secret, why not separate before now? Why wait so long to file for divorce?”

Great question, random press guy. 

Two fucking years, they’d both been miserable, and it hadn’t even been worth it.

Daniel raised an eyebrow as he looked down at her, she paused for a moment but after sharing a glance with him she smiled, confidently looking back at the camera. 

“Honestly, it was just easier. Steve was… blind, and inattentive. It’s not like I hid my relationship with Daniel, but Steve never even noticed. So why change when it was just fine the way it was? It was simple, doing enough to keep him happy, while also being able to experience the things I wanted. There was no reason to change anything.”

Another interviewer cut in quickly. “Until Mr. Rogers found out about it, then you decided to change things. What kind of impact does it have that you filed for divorce before he could? We’ve heard that he was going to file against you when he found out, why did you filing first make a difference?”

Peggy laughed at that a little. “You mean he may have filed, there’s no telling when he would have gotten around to it, and I didn’t want to wait around. I don’t know all of the legal jargon, but the impact on the case is minimal, if any.”

Well that was bullshit. Matt had said it wouldn’t matter in the end, but during the proceeding her being the plaintiff made all the difference. The judge would hear all of her arguments first, all of her evidence would be considered before his. Being the defendant didn’t technically matter, but it made everything harder. 

Steve finally tossed the phone to the side and laid back onto the hotel bed. He sighed deeply and couldn’t help the way he felt totally alone. 

He should have let Sam come with him. He didn’t want to be alone with all this backlash. 

Steve was blind and inattentive. There’s no telling when he would have gotten around to it.

Why would she lie like that? After that business meeting he had been on his way to Nelson and Murdock to get the papers signed. Instead he’d been interrupted and humiliated by a legal aid and a camera. She hadn’t even given him a chance, it had literally been less than twenty-four hours since he’d found out. Matt had told him she’d probably already had them prepared. 

She was dragging not only their marriage, but his entire character through the mud for no reason.

Matt had told him to relax for the rest of the day, but he couldn’t do it. He called his assistant and had her check to see if any of his appointments for tomorrow could be moved to today and headed into the office. Drowning in work was better than sitting alone with just his thoughts. 

He went back to D.C. the next day, a little earlier than planned, and got back into his new lonely reality.  

Sam and Riley brought him home with them for the holidays, and though he was a little like an outsider in the big family it was easier than spending it alone. And Mama Wilson’s food was worth any amount of discomfort. It was easier to get distracted when there were dozens of nieces and nephews clamoring for attention. Sam even convinced him to take a whole week off of work, delegating a lot of things to Fury over the week of Christmas. 

Matt continued to stay in touch, pulling out the last of the wrinkles so they would be prepared for the court hearing. It was set for March fifteenth and it seemed so far away. 

After Christmas he threw himself back into work, traveling back and forth between New York several times to work on different projects. 

Sometimes he wondered if life was supposed to feel this surreal. Peggy was trying to ruin everything he’d worked for, and it seemed like the world just didn’t care. 

The sun continued to set, clients continued to call. 

He lowered his head and went back to work. 

— % —

Bucky’s Christmas was a family affair, as it always was. He flew home to Indiana, using every ounce of his energy to keep them from getting suspicious about his mood swings. He hadn’t shared any information about his boyfriend with them, had barely mentioned that he’d had one and lost one, but it didn’t keep them from being nosy idiots. 

It was almost a relief to get back to New York and back into his schedule. Natasha and Clint continued to be supportive and wonderful, though their nights out on the town no longer included Bucky. Which he was fine with. 

It was a surprise when he arrived in the office just a few days after New Years to find a new contract on his lab table. 

Tony just raised an eyebrow, his brand of sarcasm obvious. “Well, you’ve been complaining about your pay, so I raised it. Sign it and you’ll even get a fancy new office on the floor below mine.” He pointed a grease stained finger accusingly at Bucky. “But this means that I am officially paying for your opinion, so you have to actually contribute to the project beyond the sensors, you hear me?”

Even with his concern about Steve finding out, it wasn’t hard to initial and sign. 

Chapter Text

Waking up was hard. 

It’d been hard for a long time, and he’d never realized how hard, until he’d started therapy. His therapist said symptoms would get worse before they got better sometimes, because he was more aware of them. 

Knowing that didn’t make it easier to reach for his alarm and force himself out of bed everyday. 

Today wasn’t going to happen though, he just couldn’t do it. He’d stayed up far too late sitting on his couch doing absolutely nothing. He hadn’t even had the energy to change the show when he got tired of it. He’d flipped through his sketchpad so many times but hadn’t felt like adding to it. 

It was Saturday anyway, so it’s not like there was anything for him to do today.

His phone started ringing. 

He sighed tiredly and pulled the blanket down, enough to reach for his phone, but not enough for the light to assault his eyes. A bump and crash told him he’d knocked something else off his nightstand, probably his empty water glass, but he found his phone, so whatever. 

It was Sam. 

“Hey,”

“Hey, man, you okay? We were supposed to meet for brunch like fifteen minutes ago, where are you?”

Shit. He finally pulled back the blanket, wincing at the light. He’d forgotten to close his curtains. And, yup, it was past eleven thirty. 

“I didn’t know what time it was, sorry, I’m not gonna make it.”

“Are you okay? You don’t sound okay…”

Steve pulled the blanket back over his head and wiped at his face. “It’s just not a good day, I’m… I’ll be fine, just not for now.”  

Would his therapist consider that good or bad therapy speak? Oh well, it was the best he could do for now.

“Did you want to talk about it?”

Steve would normally bite back with some remark about how obviously great his life was where his tone dripped with sarcasm, but he was so tired he couldn’t even find the emotion to do that. “What is there to talk about? Talking isn’t going to change anything, and even if it did I don’t have the energy for it.”

“Okay… You gonna give your therapist a call and move up your next session?”

He sighed again, pulling the pillow over his face too. “Yes.”

“And you’ll call me back when you’re out of bed and drinking water?”

“Yes.”

“I love you, man, you got me in your corner.”

“Love you too, thanks.”

Falling back asleep was hard, and that just sucked. He didn’t have the energy to wake up, but now that he was conscious his mind didn’t want to shut down. He ended up zoning in and out of consciousness, alternating between blissful sleep and staring at the dark underside of his covers. 

Finally his bladder and his stomach were both yelling at him enough that he forced himself up and out. The room was dark again, not quite sunset, but obviously evening now. 

Bathroom break, then food went quickly. He didn’t have the energy to make much, so he simply threw a premade soup in the microwave and ate it standing next to the counter. 

As he was washing his bowl and staring at the time on the oven (now sitting at just past five) he was hit with the disheartening realization that he’d been in his apartment and by himself for twenty-four hours now. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, far from it, but he hated it each time. 

He sighed and went over to flop down on the couch, hitting the power button on the remote just to get some sound in the apartment. Clicking on his phone he didn’t think he quite had the energy to talk to Sam yet, so instead he tapped open Facebook. May as well stalk the person he did want to talk to, even if it was a poor substitute. 

Bucky’s page had received several updates since yesterday, and when Steve registered why it just made the darkness worse. 

Happy birthday, man! Love ya!

Are you sure you’re this old? I could swear you were still fifteen yesterday!

Does this mean you’re finally gonna get your own apartment instead of mooching off ours? We’d like to be able to have loud sex again, so… love you, but geez haha

His entire wall was filled with comments, ranging from the generic congratulations to the very specific comment from Clint.

The very last thing that had been posted was a selfie featuring Bucky, Natasha, Clint, a dark haired thin guy that Steve remembered from Clint’s party but couldn’t remember the name of, and Wanda and Pietro, obviously playing the part of waitress and bartender tonight as usual. All of them, except Wanda and Pietro, had obviously already started drinking, judging by the pink cheeks and bright eyes. Bucky had posted it, along with a caption. 

There’s a couple people missing, and hopefully they’ll be here next year, but we decided to start celebrating early. Now that I’ve hit twenty-six, drinking is about the only upside lol I love all these idiots, and especially love the ones who couldn’t be here.

Steve closed his eyes in a bad attempt at keeping them from stinging. How could he have forgotten Bucky’s birthday? They’d talked about it at Clint’s party, though when Bucky found out that Steve’s had passed by that point he’d been bummed. Under the influence of a few drinks Steve had told Bucky they’d spend his birthday together to make up for it. 

Instead they were hundreds of miles apart, and in vastly different atmospheres. 

It was probably time to call Sam and let him pull Steve out of the apartment somehow. 

He wiped his eyes and pulled up Sam’s number. 

In the darkness of the apartment, low light filtering through the windows and the tv playing quietly, the ringing phone pressed to his ears, Steve let out a quiet sob. 

“Happy birthday, Bucky.”

— % —

Less than a week later it was the day of his court hearing and Steve had gotten to the office way too early. Fury was doing an amazing job taking care of paperwork while Steve was in D.C. but it meant that when Steve did show up at his physical office there wasn’t anything to do. He’d responded to a few emails, but everything else was waiting on deadlines or information. 

He was supposed to be at his court hearing at twelve-thirty. It was barely past eight-thirty. 

Maybe he could swing by Monty’s office. Monty was his electrician guy, he handled all of the electrical contractors after Steve had seen the work he did as an electrician. Peggy had suggested contracting him, she’d taken a shine to him when she learned they were both from England and it had paid off to the point that Steve relied on him to communicate with all of his electricians. Monty had even taken over communicating with Stark’s engineer. He was supposed to have a meeting with him today. Maybe Steve could tag along, meet the guy who had produced some pretty intricate and detailed blueprints. As someone who worked with blueprints everyday, Steve had been impressed.

Monty’s office was three floors down and when Steve got there he was surprised to see a very frazzled Monty standing over his desk. It took him several moments to notice Steve standing in his doorframe. He looked exhausted. 

“Oh my god, Steve, you nearly scared the piss out of me.”

“Sorry,” Steve chuckled, moving away from the door frame as Monty threw him a look while typing furiously. “Is everything okay?”

Monty shrugged. “Well, I’m far more behind than I should be, and I need to be leaving soon to get to Stark Industries, and little Nigel is teething so I was up all night.”

“Ah,” Steve nodded sympathetically. He hadn’t experienced a teething baby, but all the stories he’d heard said it was not fun. “How old is he now? Six months?” Why couldn’t he remember when Monty had gone on paternal leave?

Monty nodded, a tired smile lighting his face. “Seven last week, and he’s determined to let the whole world know. Martha needed the sleep, but she’s with him now.”

Ah, seven months ago would have been about the time he had left New York, a bit preoccupied to worry about paternity leave for employees. 

Steve liked to think that he was a pretty good employer, he gave his employees a full month of vacation days, parental leave, a good benefits package, and as many sick days as they needed. He liked to think that he could read the stress on their faces, and find ways to mitigate it. So his mind was instantly turning to find a way to help Monty today. 

It was a good distraction from his own issues, at least. 

Going with him to SI would be a good start, “What else do you need to do today, after the Stark meeting?”

Monty glanced up again, still not fully sitting down or standing, just awkwardly crouched at his desk. “Well,” He went to gesture with one hand and completely sideswiped his still full mug of tea, knocking it entirely off the desk and spilling it everywhere. 

Steve winced, and Monty looked heartbroken.

“You mean besides getting more tea?”

The man looked exhausted. 

Steve quickly leaned out the door, signaling one of the custodians he’d seen in the hallway. When he turned back after getting their attention he had made up his mind. 

“Monty, you know I appreciate your expertise, and am incredibly grateful that you took over with the engineer. But why don’t you take the day? I can go to the meeting for you, and you and I will get together tomorrow to go over the important things, okay?”

Monty was quickly shaking his head, but his expression only grew more tired when the custodian entered with a towel and carpet cleaner in hand. “I appreciate your concern, but I assure you I can do my job.”

Steve nodded, smiling reassuringly. “Oh, I know you can, that’s why I hired you, because I trust you. But take the day, you’ll feel better and we’ll start again tomorrow.”

Monty finally dropped into his office chair, leaning back tiredly. “You haven’t even seen the recent plans James gave me, it’ll be easier for me to go and I’ll take the rest of the day off.”

Steve rolled his eyes, even as his mind latched onto the name. Funny, considering Monty’s first name was also James. “Then email them to me and I’ll look them over on the way. Stop rationalizing this, just send the guy an email letting him know the change of plans and go get some sleep.”

Monty finally nodded, but smirked. “You’re sure you’re not just procrastinating thoughts of your court hearing?”

Steve took a breath, tilting his head. “Would you blame me?”

“No, nor do I envy you. Fine, I’ll send the email. You’re a difficult man to work for, in the best of ways.”

Steve laughed and after another assurance that Monty would actually take the day off, he went back up to his own office. He had another twenty minutes before he left so he had some time to go over the file that Monty forwarded to him. 

— % —

Bucky was a little frazzled, but considering he was giving his first professional presentation today, he figured it was okay. 

Stark had delegated the presentation of the sensors to Rogers Arch to him, and it was a lot more pressure than he’d expected. He flipped open the briefcase holding the tiny strips of sensors again, just to make sure he’d counted right the first time. All of them were there. Good. 

He went back to his desktop projection, making sure he’d transferred all the necessary files to his laptop. 

“Jarvis, run another scan for me, make sure everything’s running right for the presentation.”

The laptop lit up as the AI did as instructed. A green light a moment later settled him a little. No bugs still. Good.

He shut down the projection with a wave of his hand. It had been almost two months since they’d switched his desktop monitor with one of Jarvis’s projections and it still felt so cool. He was glad they’d done the test install in both of their offices, instead of just Tony’s and the lab. 

He still needed to go over his notes in the files though. Monty seemed like a cool guy, but he was part of Rogers Arch, Bucky needed to get this right. Monty was probably reporting to Steve. 

“Mr. Barnes, an email from Rogers Architecture and Design just appeared in your inbox.”

What? Was Monty running late maybe?

“Is he rescheduling the meeting?”

“It appears there is a change of plan, though not for the timeframe.”

Bucky nodded, too deep in his notes to move his attention. If the meeting was still happening he needed to be prepared. “Go ahead and forward it to Tony, let him take care of it while I focus.”

“Of course, sir.”

He let Jarvis take care of that while he finished settling himself. He needed to nail this. Tony being there was a lot of pressure, this is where he actually earned the ridiculous raise he’d been given. If he got this right he might even be asked to give the presentation to the shareholders as well.

After he finished scanning his notes he stood up and checked his appearance in the reflection of his door. He was wearing the only suit he owned, one he’d bought for Rebecca’s wedding a couple of years ago, and Steve’s tie. It was both comforting, feeling like he had a piece of Steve with him, and also a little entertaining. No one would know it was Steve’s even while he talked to someone who worked with Steve. A claim maybe? Anyway, he adjusted it so it sat a little straighter and took a deep breath. 

“Jarvis, go ahead and scan me, what do you see?”

They were still testing to ensure that the sensors pulled the right data into Jarvis’s systems, so Bucky had gotten into the habit of asking for scans. 

“Your heart rate is slightly elevated from your baseline, denoting nervousness, though your posture confirms that you are confident despite your nerves.”

Bucky nodded. “Good, good job, buddy.”

“May I also say, you have prepared immensely for this, I’m sure we’ll both do our jobs admirably.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sure we will.”

A moment later he received a text from Tony. They were in meeting room three. 

“Alright, it’s showtime. Let’s go.”

He clipped the briefcase shut, gathering up his laptop and the few hardcopy files he’d printed, and headed for the elevator. 

It wasn’t until he rounded the corner toward the meeting room that he realized that maybe he should have asked Jarvis what the email from Monty had said . 

He didn’t mean to freeze, or drop the briefcase, or scatter the papers on the floor. 

But that was Steve. 

Steve was standing just outside the meeting room, talking to Tony. His back was facing Bucky, but Bucky wouldn’t ever be able to forget that posture, or hair color, or that… everything. 

The thud of the briefcase got their attention, and they were turning toward him.

Shit. 

He had to get it together. 

Where the hell was Monty? Why wasn’t he here? Why was Steve here? This is not how Bucky had planned on seeing Steve again. 

He dropped to a crouch, gathering the papers together quickly, trying to stop the sudden panic that flooded him. 

How was he supposed to give a professional presentation when Steve was there? This was so much more pressure. 

“You okay there, Jamsie? The sensors aren’t that heavy are they?”

Bucky bounced back up, everything back in his arms, though the papers weren’t organized anymore. Stark was grinning at him, Steve was simply staring, obviously shocked. 

Bucky rolled his eyes, or tried to, so it didn’t look like he was panicking. “Shut up, Stark, sorry, I just…” He finally met Steve’s eyes, so nervous and unsure. “I didn’t read the email before Jarvis forwarded it… Apparently I should have.”

Steve finally seemed to recover, but his smile was professional, something hidden just behind it. Concern? Frustration? Why couldn’t Bucky read it?

Tony’s arm slid around Bucky’s shoulder and bumped them together companionably. “That’s alright, you’re forgiven this time, Buckaroo. You haven’t met Steve, yet, huh? Not officially anyway, your crush during undergrad doesn’t quite count, no matter how many posters you had on the walls.”

Bucky felt his face flush, and his eyes dropped. Fucking Tony. If he’d been able to prepare himself he could have played this off so much easier. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to find the professional engineer who’d prepared a three hour presentation. He looked back up, trying for a smile that wasn’t panicked. “Hi, James Barnes,” He set the briefcase down again and held out his hand. It took actual effort to keep his voice from cracking. “I go by Bucky, though.”

Steve nodded, grasping his hand firmly. His skin was warm, and his hand swamped Bucky’s like it always did. God, he missed those hands. 

“It’s wonderful to officially meet you. I’ve been impressed by your work so far, I’m looking forward to seeing what else you’ve prepared.”

Bucky did not know how to respond to that. Steve was impressed with him… but why wasn’t he smiling like it? He looked so distant… Unsure?

“He looks a bit different than he does in his posters, huh? Taller in real life?” Tony jostled them as he chuckled, obviously misinterpreting Bucky’s awkwardness.

Bucky finally grabbed Tony’s wrist and pulled his arm off. He didn’t have a good response for that, so he ignored it entirely. “Where is Monty? I didn’t realize you would be joining us…”

Steve shrugged, still smiling weirdly. “Hopefully he’s getting more sleep, but he may also be taking his turn with a teething baby. I offered to come instead so he could take the day off. I had some time to kill.”

Because Steve’s hearing was today. Which is why Bucky had been so sure that Steve wouldn’t show up. He’d scheduled this presentation today for that exact reason. 

“Oh. Okay, well I just need a few minutes to get set up and then we can get started.”

Grabbing the briefcase one more time Bucky sidestepped into the meeting room. Opening his laptop he realized that if he was going to be professional he needed to channel away everything. He took a deep breath, forcing all the emotions away and focused. 

His notes were still pulled up and he winced as he reviewed them. The entire presentation was based on Monty not understanding or having interacted with Jarvis in the past. But Steve had installed the original Jarvis-mini Jarvis as Tony called him- so he would already be aware of the entire first half of the presentation. 

“Shit.” He entered the command to ensure Jarvis was awake and listening. “Okay, Jarvis, we gotta revamp this, rearrange all the notes to remove most of the mini Jarvis information, get rid of anything that Steve will already know, he was there for the original installment, let’s not be repetitive.” The notes began to move as code scrawled across the bottom of the page and Bucky moved on to the next step. 

He opened the briefcase and began arranging the sensors across the table. His presentation sensors, a set for Steve, a set for Tony, and the sensors that would register Steve as a user. Steve had never seen the projection before so that still needed to be impressive. 

His fingers were shaking slightly against the keys when he went back to the laptop. 

Tony and Steve came through the doorway and Tony collapsed a few chairs down from Bucky at the table. Steve went over to the coffee cart and began doctoring a drink. 

He could do this, it wasn’t any more pressure than he’d had during undergrad. 

That was a total lie, but whatever, he’d be fine. 

“Hey, Jarvis,” Tony was fiddling with one of the old sensors, but he looked up and grinned at Bucky as he talked. “Scan the room, what do you see?”

Jarvis had been programmed to be honest and straightforward, unless he was being sarcastic. 

“Two known and one unknown persons, the unknown has elevated heart rate, but that could be attributed to a range of things and not necessarily mal intent. You, sir, are entirely at ease and amused. Mr. Barnes has increased heart rate and respiration indicating nervousness and panic, though he is entirely over prepared and does not need to feel that way.”

Bucky glared at Tony and input the command to silence Jarvis so his responses would only be displayed on the laptop. He didn’t need any more embarrassment. “Thanks for that, buddy.”

Tony just chuckled and started to take apart the sensor. Bucky reached forward enough to grab it, he didn’t need any spare parts on the table and it was distracting. 

A glance at Steve showed he was invested in stirring his coffee. If Bucky thought about what he was thinking too much it made him panic even more. 

A ping alerted him of a message from Jarvis. 

Mr. Barnes, would you like to try a breathing exercise to minimize the unease you are feeling?

He tapped enter, starting the exercise. He was as prepared as he was going to be, he knew all the commands, he had practiced multiple times. A different person didn’t change how well he knew his material. 

Being focused on the exercise, breathing with the countdown that appeared on the screen, helped enough that his hands finally stopped shaking. 

Back in control he began inputting commands again, making sure each sensor was connected to the laptop properly. Eventually the laptop wouldn’t be necessary, but since the room wasn’t integrated it would be serving as the medium. 

A cup of coffee appeared at his elbow.

Startled, he looked up from where he was bent over. Steve was smiling gently down at him. 

“You look like you haven’t had any coffee today, take a drink and relax. I didn’t intend to add any pressure, so whatever you have prepared will be perfect.”

That soft tone, that smile was much more what Bucky wanted to see from Steve. He found a smile and nodded. Jarvis was still running to rearrange the order of his notes, but he straightened and took a sip. 

It was made perfectly. 

How had Steve remembered how he took his coffee?

He would not cry, he could not get emotional right now. 

“Thank you, it’s perfect.”

Steve smiled and stepped over the other end of the table. Bucky was glad they’d chosen the smaller meeting room, it meant they were only separated by a few chairs, it felt less overwhelming. 

A sense of comfort enveloped him unexpectedly. He realized that there was no way he could mess this up. Even if he royally screwed everything, Steve wouldn’t care. Steve cared about him , and likely already knew most of the information Bucky would be sharing. Steve wouldn’t judge him. If he did it well Steve would be impressed, but if he didn’t do it well it wouldn’t change Steve’s opinion of him. 

That thought made breathing a lot easier. 

Another breath, a green light from Jarvis, and everything was ready. 

The last command to move everything off the laptop, a confirmed connection. He stepped back from the laptop. 

“Alright,” He nodded at Tony, then let his eyes rest on Steve. He grinned, a little uneasy, but a lot more confident. It would be fine. “Let’s hope this works.”

A flick of his fingers pulled the information from the screen and started the projection. It flashed to life, and the laptop went black. 

The sci-fi feeling never got old. 

His notes were on the screen, ready to scroll according to what he was saying as Jarvis listened. The algorithm would ensure that his screen was the only one that had the notes, but he took a second to make sure the other projections were working properly. 

Tony was already messing with his, manipulating the blueprints that were the first focus. Steve was sitting back, his eyebrows raised as he blew on his coffee. He seemed impressed, or at least interested. Good.

Their eyes met across the table, Bucky tried to convey his confidence. The first step was getting the projection to work outside of the integration. The next was making sure he presented clearly.

Steve nodded a little, sending Bucky a quick wink.

The small gesture relaxed and reassured him.

Okay, time to show off, at least a little. 

He launched into the design, pulling up specs for the old sensors and comparing it to the new ones. He didn’t have to spend as much time on what the old sensors were capable of, considering Steve was already mostly aware, so he glossed over that spot. Tony interjected every few minutes, adding info that Bucky either hadn’t included or just hadn’t gotten to yet. Jarvis made sure to keep his notes updated to reflect where their discussion was going. It led to Steve asking several questions, mostly about the structure and how they decided to upgrade it. 

In learning everything that he had about Steve, Bucky had somehow forgotten that Steve had an engineering degree as well as his architectural one. The questions he raised were specific, thought out. Why had they never had an engineering discussion before? It’d be so cool to pick Steve’s brain a little.

It was also pretty cool to meet each of Steve’s questions with reasonable answers. Most of the things Steve brought up he’d already thought of and disregarded for various reasons. 

The transparency of the projection added a layer that changed the way Bucky presented. He was able to point at something while also making eye contact, he was able to adjust and change the projection while always keeping his attention on Steve. It created a sense of being close together, but also a room apart. He had to keep pulling himself back from the intensity of it. 

By the time he’d gotten through all of the relevant, and some irrelevant but impressive points it had been over an hour. Steve had stopped reaching for his coffee, either because it was empty, or he had forgotten about it. 

Steve nodded thoughtfully as he scanned the current projection of Bucky's office, which he’d used as an example of how integration would work within the tower. “This is impressive. Speaking as a businessman the cost efficiency needs work, in order to put this in the tower it’s going to take a lot of man hours. But the design is amazing, the efficiency and getting more capabilities into the smaller sensors… that’s impressive.”

Bucky couldn’t help his smile at that, he’d impressed Steve, no one could fault him for being a little proud of himself. 

“But,” Steve narrowed his eyes a little, and Bucky recognized the playful smirk. “How come you can move yours and I can’t?”

Bucky had been manipulating the projection throughout, and Jarvis ensured his manipulation went across the screens. “Oh, I have you locked into mine. Jarvis needs you to be programmed specifically into it before he recognizes you as a user. It’s a security thing, he also has the ability to limit how much you can do with his program depending on your level within the system.”

Steve frowned and sat back, tapping his fingers on the table top. “I thought I was already programmed in when we built the upstate building.”

Tony scoffed and waved a hand. “That’s a different system, this is Jarvis 2.0 so everything had to be reprogrammed.”

Bucky sighed, rolling his eyes. “Tony, we already discussed this. If the other version is called Mini Jarvis, this can’t be Jarvis 2.0, you can’t skip a decimal to sound cool, that’s not how it works-” 

Steve started chuckling and Bucky cut himself off with a huff. 

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter. The point at hand is, that we also upgraded the system entrance. Mini Jarvis’s system was slow and outdated, so in order to allow him the full scope of his new abilities, everyone has to be reprogrammed.”

“I recall that it took a while to get programmed in originally. How well have you updated it?”

Jarvis updated the scrolling notes to move to programming Steve in. Bucky could get used to this kind of presenting, it was so much better than shuffling papers in undergrad to stay on topic. 

“What do you remember about how it worked?” Bucky pulled the palm sensor toward him, inputting Steve’s information as Steve answered. 

“There was a metal detector involved, along with a full body scan that took a few minutes, a few other odds and ends. All told it took, what, ten minutes?” 

Bucky nodded, finally moving around the table toward Steve. It felt intense suddenly, as the space between them shrunk for the first time since Steve had sat down..

The last time he’d stood over Steve it was when Steve was laying on a bed.

He pushed the intrusive thought aside, he’d kept a professional mindset so far, he couldn’t get distracted now. “Ten to twelve, depending on who was running it. Place your hand here, please.”

Steve raised an eyebrow but placed his hand palm down on the reader.

Bucky continued. “Most of that was because of the scope of Jarvis’s program, but it was also due to how information was logged. Jarvis needs certain information to detect people properly, read moods, scan for security threats. That information has to be gathered somehow, and the previous ways of gathering it were detailed and some information was gathered in different ways, so multiple scans by multiple things were needed. But that’s changed, because now we can gather all of it at once, by scanning in multiple ways all at the same time.”

Jarvis interjected, right on cue. “Steve Rogers, welcome.”

Bucky pulled the scanner back as Steve finally let his expression show how surprised he was. 

Honestly if Bucky didn’t get any other reaction out of Steve today, that alone was enough. He’d surprised and impressed Steve, mission accomplished. 

“That was it? I’m programmed in now?”

Bucky nodded, and instead of going back to his own projection he leaned on the chair next to Steve’s. “Yup. Jarvis now uses the sensors that are on the table, along with the palm reader to register all the information he needs about you. Of course I had to input some information so he could connect the data to a person, but within ten interactions he’ll have a complete baseline for your moods, your vital signs, and security threats.”

Tony was leaning forward and interjected some more. “Of course, he already knows a little bit, he’s been scanning each of us every few minutes during this whole thing, so he knows your voice, stuff like that, and can just add that data and specify it to you. The palm scanner also gives him your handprint so he can identify you that way too.”

Bucky nodded, feeling a little cocky. “He uses a combination of collected data from his scans, an electronic signal through your body during the palm scan, and later analysis to truly learn who you are.”

“It's why when he first scanned the room he could tell that your heart rate was elevated but couldn’t tell us exactly why.” 

Well, Bucky could guess why, but that was different. “Now that he’s programmed you in, within a few interactions he would be able to tell us a lot of things. It’s why he could tell that I was nervous, because he and I have interacted so often.”

His face was getting a little hot, he definitely needed to move this conversation in a different direction. He just hadn’t been able to think of another example. 

Steve apparently was also a little uncomfortable because he reached for his coffee again, even though it definitely had to be cold by now. “That’s pretty amazing.” 

An awkward silence fell and it was definitely time for a new conversation direction. What was next on his notes? 

“Yeah, so now that you’re programmed in you’ll be able to manipulate the projection.” Wasn’t that where this entire thing had started? That seemed like a while ago, but he’d run with it. “Jarvis, go ahead and unlock Steve’s projection, and run the tutorial when you’re ready.”

Steve set his coffee down and sat up straight again. Bucky couldn’t help the way his eyes dropped, those shoulders were just amazing, okay? No one could blame him. 

When he looked back up it was obvious he’d been caught. Steve met his gaze again, amusement dancing through his eyes. Bucky flushed and finally moved back down the table. 

“The tutorial is pretty basic, it should only last about ten minutes, but you can mess around with it, see what you think. If you have questions you can let me know, but Jarvis runs this part of the show.”

It was both a disappointment and a relief when Steve’s attention disappeared. For the first time that morning Bucky felt like he was finally breathing easy. But he also desperately missed the intensity of being under that gaze. 

Tony was tinkering with the sensor again but Bucky just rolled his eyes, resigning himself to having to gather the pieces when he left. He should be used to Tony’s adhd by now anyway. 

He turned to his own projection to scroll through what remained of his notes so he could decide how to end the presentation properly. 

— % —

Steve was struggling. First of all, this was so impressive, an engineering marvel, he’d never seen anything like it. But he’d barely been able to focus the entire time. 

Bucky was just so hot . 

The boy had clearly struggled at first, completely surprised by Steve’s presence. And wasn’t that ironic to begin with considering Steve hadn’t even known he worked on the project . But he’d gotten over that quickly, and was clearly in his element. 

The presentation was impressive, and not just because of the technology. It was well structured, well thought out, and Bucky was clearly able to flow from one topic to the other, even if it went in a different direction than he’d planned. 

His demeanor was calm, focused, and he was clearly an expert in this. And god, that was just so sexy. 

How had Steve never seen the boy in a suit before? And he’d worn Steve’s tie? How often did he wear it? 

The longer he sat here listening to the incredibly professional tone of voice, the more Steve just wanted to pin him to the wall and find all of the places that he knew would make that voice fail.

But he needed to focus. Desperately needed to focus. He was supposed to share everything with Monty tomorrow. He was supposed to be doing a tutorial with the AI showing him how to work the program. And he was. He was just also glancing at Bucky as often as he could, drinking in the sight of the incredibly confident man. He couldn’t even call Bucky a boy anymore, could he? Not after this. Bucky was clearly a man who knew exactly what he was doing, and was unafraid to show his confidence and capabilities. 

Since when has Steve had a competency kink? God, Steve just wanted to ravish him, pull that gorgeous hair till it fell out of the very professional ponytail, mess up his entire outfit. 

Steve would bet his entire company that the boy would look beautiful spread out across a desk, his collar pulled open, thoroughly destroyed without even removing his suit, maybe a hickey on his neck.

Wait, crap, Jarvis was waiting for him to do something, but he’d totally lost track of what. 

He needed to focus. 

The rest of the tutorial and presentation went by in a blur. He tried, he really did, but when Bucky came back over, hovering over him again to pass him a sheaf of papers, he wasn’t able to keep his mind focused. 

Bucky was clearly more comfortable now that the end was coming, it showed in his stance, the cocky slant of his hips, the confident half smile. It was all incredibly hot. 

Steve was very grateful to accept the papers though. A quick glance showed him that it was basically an overview of the presentation, minus the tech. Good, he’d need to review it, and he could pass it on to Monty without having to share how much he hadn’t paid attention. He folded them up and tucked them safely into his suit pocket.

Tony was talking again, and Steve knew he was on autopilot because his head turned toward Tony while his focus remained completely on Bucky, who still hadn’t moved away. 

Steve’s mind was churning with all of the times that Bucky had hovered over him. Most of them involved a bed and an orgasm. All of them included intimacy and touch, both of which Steve had been deprived of lately. 

Could he be blamed for being so thoroughly distracted? It wasn’t his fault!

Would Jarvis be able to pick up his train of thought somehow? That was probably something he should have asked about, there had to be some privacy settings somewhere, right?

He’d lost track of the conversation again. Tony was standing up, saying something about a shareholder meeting to Bucky, and reaching a hand out for Steve to shake. 

Steve got to his feet belatedly, glad he’d been in enough of these kinds of meetings for his mind to automatically come up with the right words. 

Would Bucky also be leaving soon? Steve didn’t want him to go yet. 

Tony swept out of the room a moment later. It was just them now. 

Bucky moved back to the other side of the table, turning back to his laptop, the projections collapsed in on themselves. The way he was bent over was entirely distracting.

Bucky glanced up and their eyes met again. It was almost electric, the way the gaze flashed through him. Bucky was smiling, though it had an edge of unease. “I don’t know how much more time you have before you have to get going, but if you have any other questions I’d be happy to answer them…”

Screw this whole professional thing. “Bucky-”

He was cut off when Bucky shook his head sharply, a warning flashing across his face. “I know it’s a little insane, but this technology allows for a lot of data to be recorded. A lot of people have had questions about privacy and how confidential things can be said if someone is always watching.”

Bucky’s meaning came through loud and clear. Damn it. “Yeah, that’s another question I had. You would have to install some kind of privacy settings right?” How could they talk if the damn computer was in the room with them? 

Bucky’s expression softened, and it helped Steve’s shoulders relax. “Yeah, I do. These sensors aren’t integrated, so privacy settings won’t work, I just have to disconnect them. But in a fully integrated space we have passcodes that allow the sensors to shut off, and each user would have a separate passcode to start it up again.”

Oh. That would make sense. 

Bucky was placing the sensors back into the briefcase he’d carried into the room. “My office is fully integrated, if you’d like I can show you how the process would work there…”

Yes, that’s exactly what he wanted. No eavesdroppers and Bucky right there with him. 

He had to glance at the time quickly. It was just past eleven, he had just under an hour before he had to leave to meet Matt and Foggy. “Yeah, I have some time, if you wouldn’t mind I’d love to see that side of it.”

Bucky’s smile was soft and happy. “Yeah, give me a second to pack up and I’ll show you.”

Steve had to physically restrain himself from reaching for Bucky when they eventually left the room. It had always been so natural to pull Bucky against him when they walked. He stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep from doing that now.

Bucky kept throwing him soft looks, and he was obviously gripping his things harder than usual. The poor boy’s fingers were white with the grip. 

Bucky’s office wasn’t anything unusually impressive, nothing like Steve’s glass walled corner office. But it had solid walls, and blinds for the glass door. Steve made sure to slide the lock and close the blinds as he shut the door behind him. 

Bucky was setting down the briefcase, a projection appearing on the desk as he put his laptop down. A quiet “Welcome, Mr. Barnes,” came from hidden speakers.

It was incredibly difficult to keep himself from sweeping Bucky up, but he didn’t know if the privacy settings were on yet. Instead he slipped behind the desk as well, his eyes taking in the screen over Bucky’s shoulder. 

There was a lot of code displayed and if Steve was paying attention he could probably figure out what Bucky was up to, but he was mostly focused on the way a single lock of hair had slipped out of the ponytail and was now laying against Bucky’s collar. He hadn’t noticed that in the conference room. Bucky was also leaned over enough that one more step would put his beautiful ass right against Steve’s crotch. 

He really needed Bucky to finish already. 

One more firm tap on the hologram keyboard and Bucky was nodding. “Yeah, see? Now Jarvis will be completely shut off until I turn him back on-”

That was all Steve needed to hear.

He snatched Bucky up, turning him around so Steve could sweep him into a desperate kiss. 

According to Bucky’s Facebook count it had been two hundred and six days since they’d parted ways. His mind didn’t really care about the exact number right now, but it latched onto the fact that it had been far too long since he’d kissed those beautiful lips. 

If he’d thought about it before he probably would have said that he’d forgotten how wonderful Bucky felt in his arms. But now that it was happening, now that his arm was sliding around that slim waist and pulling them firmly together, he realized that wasn’t true.

The feeling of those fingers sliding into his hair, one hand gripping his lapel, the desperation of those soft lips against his. 

It was like coming home. 

He couldn’t help the desperate groan that slipped out of him. The hand that wasn’t clinging to Bucky’s waist slid up to grip the back of his neck, keeping him in place. Steve never wanted to let him go again. 

Bucky was moaning back at him, desperation in every line of both their bodies. 

Steve forced his tongue into the sweet warmth of his mouth, causing Bucky to whimper and surrender completely, his head tilting up to give Steve control.

Steve needed him closer. He took one step back, pushing Bucky into the corner, the hand on his neck dropping to his thigh, lifting him up until they were level, supporting his weight against the wall. Bucky’s legs wrapped around his hips, his hands pawing at Steve’s jacket to bring him closer, even though it wasn’t really possible. 

“Oh, Steve-” Bucky was groaning again, gasping for breath, yanking on Steve’s hair. 

“Yeah, baby, I’m here, right here, sweetheart.” 

He forced Bucky’s head to the side, his lips pressing against that beautiful jawline, looking for that one spot… It was right under his jaw, in front of his ear…

A low whine and a full body shiver let him know when he found it. 

So much better. That professional engineer was hot, but Steve wanted his beautiful baby right now.

“Daddy…”

That one soft word destroyed him. Emotions swamped him, a desperate need filling him.

He pulled away enough to bring one hand up and tug at Bucky’s tie, his tie, so he could get to more skin. He needed to feel Bucky’s pulse against his mouth, he needed the taste of his skin.

“No, wait!” Bucky jerked away and Steve paused, but after a second Bucky simply shook his head, bringing his own hands up to pull the knot loose. “Oh, nevermind, it’s okay, keep going please.”

At any other time, in any other situation, Steve would have insisted on stopping until Bucky told him what was wrong, but he didn’t have the luxury of time or control right now, so he just went with it.

He couldn’t help but groan again when he finally set his teeth to the tight muscle of Bucky’s neck. His skin was warm, and bruised just as easily as he remembered. 

Bucky’s fingernails were digging into his scalp and the slight sting grounded him into the moment. They were really here, together, in each other’s arms.

After a few blissful moments of biting a mark into his neck- under his collar, because Steve somehow managed to keep the professional setting in mind- Bucky tugged on his hair, whining. 

“Daddy, please, your mouth, please, kiss me, I need you.”

He didn’t waste a moment, surging up to claim his mouth again. Bucky was starting to slide down the wall, slowly losing the fight against gravity, and Steve grunted as he lifted him again, a little higher than before. 

It improved the angle much more than he expected. He slid both hands around Bucky’s thighs to make sure he stayed in place this time. 

Bucky’s hands came around, cupping his face and taking the lead from him. Those rough fingers brushed his cheeks, and Steve’s eyes stung unexpectedly, he’d definitely forgotten that sensation. 

Bucky’s hands kept him close, changing the angle of the kiss every few seconds, occasionally stroking through his hair again. 

Steve knew he was gasping for breath at this point, but he didn’t realize how badly, or why until Bucky pulled away, his eyes opening as he frowned. 

“Steve, hey, it’s okay, you’re okay, shh, I’m here, it’s alright.” 

Steve shook his head in response, not wanting Bucky to be worried about him. But the next breath he released sounded a lot more like a sob than he expected. Bucky’s fingers stroked his cheek again, and this time they were wet. 

Now that he was aware of it he couldn’t stop the tears. 

He took a gasping breath, shifting Bucky’s weight again, and dropped his head onto Bucky’s shoulder. 

Even the smell of him was overwhelming. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m right here with you, just take a deep breath, shh, we’re okay.”

The soft whisper in his ear made more tears spill down his cheeks and he gently let go of Bucky’s legs, setting him back on his feet as carefully as he could. His hands came up to cup Bucky’s cheeks in return, blinking through the blur in his eyes so he could memorize every bit of that beautiful face again.

“Sorry-” His voice was choked, but he pushed through it. “I’m sorry, it’s just… You’re here, baby, you’re here and I…”

Bucky was nodding, his own eyes glistening. “I know, we’re here, I’ve got you, it’s okay.”

“Baby, why didn’t you tell me?” It was the one thing he didn’t have a good answer for. Why wouldn’t Bucky tell him about his involvement in the tower project? He’d brought it up enough times when they were together. “You’ve been right here this entire time, and I didn’t-I didn’t know.”

Bucky winced, fingers stroking through Steve’s hair again. “I know… I’m sorry, I just…” He looked down, shrugging. “I just thought that if you knew you’d pull yourself off the project… And I wanted to keep seeing you… I didn’t want you to have to choose between me or the project, cause it’s so important for your company. I never thought you’d show up when I was around and by the time I realized how involved I was going to be, and it wouldn’t be breaking my NDA to tell you, you were already in D.C., so I couldn’t say anything… I’m sorry.”

Steve couldn’t help but press their lips together again, steadying himself in the pressure. “It’s okay, baby, but I wouldn’t have, I could have used it as an excuse to see you, for us to see each other. All those-” He took another gasping breath. “All those conference calls, and it was you on the other end, I had no idea, I would have wanted to see you, baby, I would have wanted to hear your voice.”

Bucky was nodding. “I know, that’s why I still got on them. I almost refused to get on them at all, but being able to see you, hear you, it was so hard, but it was nice too. I’ve missed you so much.”

Steve leaned down and pressed their foreheads together. He needed to collect himself and his emotions. “I’ve missed you too, baby. God, I’ve been so lonely and so desperate for you all these months, nothing else makes it better.”

Bucky pressed them closer, not kissing anymore, but breathing each other in, settling themselves and bringing them down from the desperation. 

The feeling of Bucky in his arms again, their breath mingling and brushing his cheek, those fingers that still couldn’t quite find where they wanted to settle. It was bliss. 

“I love you, Steve, I love you, and I’ve missed you.”

“Oh, Bucky,” He dropped his hands in favor of wrapping his arms around Bucky and pulling him into a hug, holding him tight and tucking his face into his neck. “It’s been the thought of holding you in my arms again that has gotten me through all the shit of the last six months.”

Bucky gripped him just as tightly back, his arms wrapped around his neck. 

If only Steve could keep this moment frozen in his pocket, so he could pull it out and feel it again any time he wanted. 

After several more moments, or at least some time, honestly Steve had long since lost track of how long they’d been standing there, Bucky started giggling quietly. 

Steve took a deep breath, finally settled again, pressed a kiss to the side of Bucky’s head and pulled away. “What are you giggling about?”

Bucky giggled again, his fingers back to stroking Steve’s cheeks. “Here I was, thinking you were focused and professional, and then you attack me as soon as we get in my office. I was trying to be professional the entire time, and doing a pretty damn good job of it, and you’re just over here sexually assaulting people.”

How had he forgotten how easily Bucky made him laugh? He shook his head, unable and not wanting to stop the smile that stretched his lips. “Sexually assaulting people? I mean, that’s probably fair, but have you seen yourself in a suit? Honey, you should be glad I kept my hands to myself until we got to your office.”

A flush crawled up Bucky’s cheeks, his grey eyes sparkling. “You can’t blame the victim, Steve, that’s just wrong.”

Steve stepped back enough that he could drag his eyes suggestively down Bucky’s body. “Oh, baby, the only victim here is going to be that fabric when I tear it off your body.”

Bucky giggled again, fully blushing as he shoved Steve’s shoulder. “Stop it, you can’t say that shit,”

Steve smiled, but shrugged. He could say it, but he didn’t have time to make it true. Unfortunately. “I just can’t believe I’ve never seen you dressed up before, you’re gorgeous, Buck, and you were so confident and professional too. It was so damn distracting.”

Bucky lowered his eyebrows, obviously dubious. “Really? I mean, it went better than I thought it would, especially after you showed up, but it wasn’t anything special.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you, and I am going to have to read the papers you gave me to even remember what we were talking about.”

Bucky scoffed again, but Steve only leaned down and kissed the comeback off his lips. 

“Believe me, sweetheart, I pride myself on how focused I can be in a professional setting, and you stole every thought away from me. I’m just glad I was still coherent enough to pretend to participate.”

Apparently that was enough to at least keep Bucky from arguing with him. Instead he softened again, his smile going sweet and happy. “I wish I’d had more time to brace myself, but I’m really glad you showed up. It’s so good to see you again.”

“Yeah, Buck, it’s good to see you again too.”

Steve took a couple steps back, bringing Bucky with him, until he was sitting on the edge of the desk, Bucky pulled between his legs. It put them eye to eye, which was pretty great. 

He forced himself to look at his watch, knowing he didn’t have as long as he wanted before he had to leave. 

“Tell me, how’ve you been? How’re things with Natasha and Clint?” He was determined to use each minute to reconnect as much as they could. Who knew when they’d have another chance like this. 

Bucky shrugged, his fingers still raking through Steve’s hair. Eventually he’d have to fix it. “It’s been good, hard, I guess I never realized how much you were involved until you were gone.”

Yeah, he could relate with that. His hands found their way under Bucky’s suit jacket, reveling in the warmth of his body. “I know, it’s been hard for me too. Sam tries, and therapy is… going, but it’s not the same, is it?”

“Nope, it’s not.” 

“And what about here at work? This was the big promotion you mentioned, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Bucky smiled self-consciously, his eyes darting away. “It’s been really cool to be more involved, I get my own team now too, get to boss people around. Plus, ya know, one hell of a pay raise.”

“After that presentation, if you weren’t such a sexy distraction I’d be tempted to hire you myself. You’re good at this, baby, you deserve it.”

“Stop,” Bucky flapped one hand at him, blushing. “You don’t have to flatter me, I’m already yours, you idiot.”

Steve grabbed his hand out of the air and brought it to his lips. That comment both humbled him and hurt. He wanted to be Bucky’s in return. “I know, I think about that every day. Hopefully if everything goes well today it’ll just be one more court day, and then I’ll be all yours too.”

Bucky squeezed his hand. “It’s okay, I know this is hard for you too, take your time and keep going to therapy. I’ll be here no matter how long it takes.”

He wouldn’t cry again, he wouldn’t. “It has been hard, and I want it over as soon as possible. But I also… I can’t let her get away with it, I can’t let her walk all over me again, and that’s making it last so much longer.”

“Good, Steve, that’s good. She doesn’t deserve to get away with anything, you don’t deserve to be walked over like you don’t matter. You do matter, so much.”

It felt so good to finally talk to Bucky about this. Hearing the conviction in his voice, seeing the fire in his eyes, confirmed everything again for Steve, the last confirmation he’d needed that he was really dealing with this the right way. 

Sam was not a good substitute for Bucky’s opinion, no matter what his therapist said. 

For some reason he still needed to push back a little though, really hear Bucky’s thoughts. “Even if it takes longer to get back to you? It wouldn’t be worth it just to surrender and get back to you that much faster?” 

Bucky tilted his head, clearly understanding, and both amused and annoyed by it. “Steve, don’t short change yourself. I would never want you to do anything that drastic for me. If it would be better for you to do that, then yeah, it’d be amazing to have you back sooner, but I can wait. Do what you need to do, no matter how long it takes, and just come back to me whenever you’re ready. I care about how you feel, it matters to me that you handle this however you need to.”

Hearing that gave him a sense of peace he hadn’t had before. “I just don’t want you to think I’m ignoring us in favor of her. It’s been killing me that I couldn’t ask your opinion about it.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and leaned in to kiss him quickly. “You always do this, you know? You’re more important than you realize, your opinion matters more than mine. You remember what I told you about my ex before?”

Steve nodded, a little surprised at the change of subject. 

“It wasn’t until I decided I needed to get out that anything changed. Everyone, Natasha, Clint, even my sister, were all telling me that I needed to get out before that, but it wasn’t until I decided to that it actually happened. I had to be ready mentally, I had to be prepared, otherwise it just never worked. You need to be ready, mentally, physically, financially, and if you decide that you want to give her hell, then do it, as long as you’re ready to follow through. Even if the entire world is telling you to give in and surrender, if you think you shouldn’t, then don’t. If you think you need to stand up to her, then you look her in the eyes and tell her to shove it. And if anyone disagrees with that approach you tell them to shove it, too. You do what will make you feel good about the situation, as long as you’re ready to deal with it. Nobody else matters in this.”

“I knew talking to you about it would make me feel better. Thank you, Buck.”

Bucky kissed him again. “I’m serious, tell whoever it is to suck a dick or jump off a cliff or something. Whatever will make you feel best in the long run is what you should do.”

Another thing crossed Steve’s mind and he couldn’t stop himself from bringing it up, even though he knew Bucky would probably be annoyed with him. “Do you remember what you told me not to do when you ran into me at the courthouse?”

He got another quick kiss as Bucky thought back on their interaction. “Not really… You did it anyway though, didn’t you? Whatever it was, you kept walking and decided not to listen?”

Steve shrugged sheepishly. “I watched Peggy’s interview…”

Bucky’s face instantly fell. “Steve, no, why? It was full of bullshit, why wouldn't you listen to me about something like that?”

“I just… I don’t know, I just needed to know what she was saying and…”

Bucky stroked his face again. “She was lying. Whatever has been bothering you about it, she was lying to get attention and sympathy.”

God, Bucky knew him so well, it was wonderful. 

“She said I was inattentive… that I never realized she was cheating because I wasn’t paying attention…”

“Oh, my love,” The new pet name caught Steve off guard, but Bucky leaned in and pressed their foreheads together before he could comment on it. “I need you to listen to me, okay? I need you to understand that I’m telling you the truth when I say this.”

Steve nodded, closing his eyes, breathing in the proximity and intimacy. He’d missed this.

“She was lying. You are not inattentive, you are trusting. You trusted that she was struggling and trying just as much as you were. You didn’t feel the need to check on her constantly, or look in her phone because you trusted her to be faithful. That is not a bad quality, Steve, it’s the opposite. No one wants a partner who doesn’t trust them to be faithful, and no one wants a partner who isn’t faithful. You trust people to be honest with you. Some might say that’s naïve or stupid, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. You want people to be honest, and you give honesty in return. That’s far more amazing than a woman like Peggy would ever understand.”

Steve squeezed Bucky closer and nodded. 

“Do you believe me?”

He nodded again. “Yeah,”

“And honestly if she’s using that argument it could go both ways. She still hasn’t realized that you were having an affair too, has she?”

“No,”

“Exactly. Just because you are trusting doesn’t mean you are inattentive or blind.”

Steve nuzzled their noses together, just to feel the heat of his skin. “I wasn’t ever inattentive with you, was I? Did I ever disregard you, or not listen enough, or anything like that?”

“No, my love, you only ever treated me with the highest respect. Even when I didn’t deserve it.”

“Good.” Steve pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, lingering for a moment. “I like that, by the way.”

“Like what?”

“You calling me that.”

Bucky pulled away and smirked. “Oh yeah? You like that, my love?”

Of all the things that would make Steve blush… “Yes, I like it.”

Bucky leaned back in, playfully wiggling his eyebrows. “Hm, my green beans,”

Steve shook his head, but couldn’t stop the broad smile. “My mashed potatoes.”

“My snookums.” 

“Oh god,”

“Sweetness,”

“I could actually get on board with that one,”

“Hottie with a body.”

“Okay, enough,”

“Jelly bean,”

“What?”

“Honey bun,”

“You can stop now,”

“My darling,”

The smile fell off Steve’s face and he winced. “Uh, no, not that one, at all actually.”

Bucky pulled away, his own playfulness disappearing. “Oh, okay, that’s okay, we can stick with just-”

Steve shook his head, cutting him off. “It’s okay, it’s just… that was Peggy’s nickname, and I just… I don't like it anymore.”

“Oh, okay, but you liked the other ones?”

Steve smiled again, chuckling. “To a point, yes, though I think Jelly Bean is a little juvenile.”

Bucky took the change back to playfulness in stride, like he always did. “Most pet names are, you’ll get used to it. You call me baby.”

Steve cocked an eyebrow, smirking at the audacity of that comment. “I call you baby because you walked up to me at a bar and instantly called me daddy.”

“Whatever, details,” Bucky flipped his hand in the air to dismiss it. Steve had to laugh again. 

A moment later Bucky shrugged self consciously. “In the interest of transparency… Stud… or stud muffin… that’s my version of darling.”

Steve nodded, raising one hand to stroke across Bucky’s hair. How was it still pulled back so neatly? “That’s the one your ex used, huh? Good to know, I’ll avoid it.”

Bucky nodded, smiling gently. “See, how could you ever be called inattentive when you react like that?”

The confirmation settled Steve. He wished he’d never had to leave Bucky to begin with. He really did need Bucky in his life. 

In order to get him though, he had to finish this nonsense.

He checked his watch again. “I gotta head out soon, honey, I’m meeting my lawyers at twelve thirty.”

It was disappointing to see reality close down the playfulness that had lifted Bucky up just moments ago. He nodded, his shoulders dropping, and it took him a long moment to respond verbally, and when he did it was obviously not what he actually wanted to say. “Okay. Do they know how it’s going to go today?”

Steve shrugged. “If they do, they haven’t shared it. I’ve paid them a lot of money specifically so I don’t have to be included in most of it. They’re good lawyers, and I just let them do their job.”

Bucky nodded, not meeting his eyes. “That’s good, less stress on you.”

If this is what it meant to be attentive Steve was very glad that he was. “Hey, snookums,” He raised one hand and lifted Bucky’s chin, waiting to see the eye roll his pet name would cause before he continued. “What’s going on? What’re you thinking?”

The way Bucky’s hands clenched around him, one on his shoulder and one on the front of his shirt answered the question pretty well. “I don’t want you to leave… I don’t want to go more months without seeing you… I miss you, all the time.”

Steve pulled him into his arms again, tucking that beautiful face into his own neck. “I know, baby, I know. I don’t want to either. It’s only been a couple of hours and you’ve made me feel so much better about everything.”

“Then why do we have to keep doing this?”

“You know why.”

Bucky pulled away, frustration pulling at his mouth and lowering his eyebrows. “But who cares? It’s not like she’s going to win, I could go with you today, you wouldn’t have to be by yourself.”

If only that was an option. But he couldn’t risk it. Besides, Matt and Foggy would probably kill him if he did something like that without talking to them first. “Sweetheart, nothing has changed, I can’t risk it, not when you’re on the line. We already talked about this, remember?”

Bucky huffed and jerked as if he was going to pull away. The way his grip tightened on Steve’s suit only made Steve sway toward him. “I know, okay, I know. But can’t you change your mind? It’s so stupid, neither of us are actually happy, we could be together again, we’d figure it out together. I’m tired of playing the game, Steve!”

The frustration and pain in Bucky’s voice hurt to hear. Steve was suddenly filled with guilt, but there wasn’t a way to change his mind. He couldn’t spring this on his lawyers or the court without a lot of repercussions. He patiently, and painfully, waited, silently watching him until Bucky calmed down and made eye contact again.

“It’s not fair, I hate this so much.”

“I know, Bucky, I know. I am right there with you.”

“Then change it.” Bucky adjusted his grip again, pulling Steve in. “Change it and we can be together.”

God, this hurt so much. Steve stroked Bucky’s cheek, knowing his emotions were on his face, but not able to hide them. He couldn’t ever hide from Bucky. “I can’t. I can’t change anything, honey. Even if we weren’t already too far into this, I don’t know that I would want to change anything. You are precious to me, and I have to protect you from her. You know that. The media is dragging Daniel through the mud, baby, you really want them to do that to you? Because I don’t.”

Bucky was frowning hard, lines of pain standing out on his forehead. “I don’t care, I just want you.”

“Bucky…” Those words left a flash of desire in his heart, he hadn’t been wanted in months. It was the other words that added more pain. Steve released his grip so he could run his hands over his face, hiding in his palms for a moment. He knew that he wasn’t a failure because of this reaction, he wasn’t letting Bucky down, it was just a hard reality to face, especially after a few minutes alone and together again. It definitely felt like he was failing though. “You’ve trusted me so far, and I am so grateful, but I just need you to keep trusting me. We’ve already talked this through and I don’t have the energy to do it again, please, just… Remember what we talked about, okay? Remember all the reasons, and just trust me?”

A heavy silence fell for long moments. Steve couldn’t look up, would this be the moment that Bucky decided it wasn’t worth it?

Suddenly Bucky’s arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a firm embrace. “Of course I trust you, Steve. I’m sorry, I don’t want to add stress to you, I didn’t mean to. I just miss you.”

Steve nodded, pulling him even closer so they were pressed together again. “I know, I feel the same way. I don’t want to make this hurt you, I miss you every day. But there’s no good alternative. We’ve already talked it over, there’s just no other way to handle it. It sucks, but there’s nothing else to choose.”

“I’m sorry… I do know that, I do, I just hate this so much.”

“Yeah, so do I, I argue with myself about it every time I think of you. You don’t have to say sorry for doing the same thing.”

Bucky pulled out of the hug, reaching up to drag his fingers through Steve’s hair again. Steve sighed and closed his eyes, his arms going limp around Bucky’s waist. Another sensation he wanted to bottle. 

“Sam’s going with you this time, right?”

Steve nodded without opening his eyes. “Yeah, he is.”

“Good, I hated that you were by yourself last time.”

“I wasn’t by myself, I had you right there with me.”

A gentle kiss was pressed to his lips and he returned it. “You know that’s not the same.”

“It was nice though, made me feel better about everything.”

“Good, that was the point.”

Another gentle kiss. Steve sighed into it, relishing the soft press of lips, the hot breath. One hand on the back of Bucky’s neck kept him close so Steve could take as many as he wanted. 

He’d missed this intimacy, this tenderness. All his memories of it from before were tarnished with time. It was good to reset the moment into his mind. 

It could have been hours later, but was really just minutes, when his phone buzzing cut them off. 

He sighed less happily and pulled away. Bucky’s eyes were sad, but the pain wasn’t etched into his face anymore. Steve pulled him into his embrace, tucking him close while he pulled his phone out. 

Sam was calling. Steve swiped to answer and brought it to his ear, closest to Bucky so he could hear too. 

“Hey, Sam.”

“Hey, you ready for this? Want to grab a quick bite before we meet your guys?”

“I’m actually at Stark Industries, I took over a meeting for the tower project and it’s just wrapping up now.”

“Ah, couldn’t sit still? I told you, you should have come with me to see the sights.”

Steve took a long look at Bucky, relishing the line of warmth against him, and smiled gently when their eyes met. “Nah, it’s okay, this was good, I got a look at their new tech. It was a better use of my time.”

“Alright, whatever, I’ll grab you a sandwich or something on my way back, how’s that? You’re going straight to the courthouse?”

“Yup, meeting Matt and Foggy on the east sidewalk, hopefully we’ll avoid the press that way.”

“I’ll be there. See you soon, man, love ya.”

“Love you, Sam.”

As he hung up and discarded his phone he looked back up and caught Bucky pouting and rolling his eyes. 

“I know,” He said, stroking Bucky’s cheek again. “It sucks, but I promise we’ll figure something out and this won’t be the last time we see each other before it’s over.”

Bucky was still pouting and wouldn’t meet his yes. “I know, it’ll be fine.”

This was a different tone than he’d used before when he was complaining about it. He sounded more mad than heartbroken.

“Hey, sweetheart, what’s going on?”

Bucky rolled his eyes again, pushing away and standing up straight, leaving Steve feeling oddly bereft. “Nothing, it’s dumb, just be safe, okay?”

“Hey, no,” Steve grabbed his arm when he tried to turn away. He stood up straight as well and took Bucky’s face in his hands. “What happened? You were so sweet for me a second ago…”

Bucky’s pout was so adorable, but it was also serious, whatever it was was actually bothering the boy. 

“Talk to me, Bucky.”

Finally Bucky let his annoyance out with a huff of breath and folded his arms across his chest. “ I love you, okay? Sam doesn’t love you like I love you, and my love is better because it’s serious .”

All of the things Bucky could be bothered by, and that hadn’t even crossed Steve’s mind. 

“Baby, are you jealous ?” Steve couldn’t stop a smile and he chuckled a little when Bucky flushed. 

“Shut up, okay? He gets to spend every day with you, and talk to you all the time, and it's not fair , and I love you more than he does.”

Bucky even stomped his foot a little with the emphasis. God, he was being such a brat and Steve had missed this . 

“Bucky,” He wanted to make Bucky feel better, but he also couldn’t stop chuckling. “Come on, honey, he wasn’t being serious, I know you love me differently. He says that all the time, it’s just a habit for him.”

“Well, it’s rude, you’re mine, and I love you.”

Steve had never had the impulse to say I love you back to Bucky, he’d wondered if he was in love with the boy, but had never seriously thought it before. But seeing Bucky so annoyed, so adorably frustrated that he couldn’t say it to Steve as often as Sam did…

For the first time he wanted to say it back. 

Because he did love Bucky. 

And what absolutely shitty timing for that realization. Because he couldn’t say it for the first time standing in an office with a time crunch.

He satisfied himself by ducking down and kissing those precious lips again, pressing the words into his lips silently. “I know you love me, and I keep that with me all the time, I think about you saying those words everyday. Sam is like a brother to me, I promise, he’s just saying it because it’s a habit. Your love matters so much, Buck.”

Bucky huffed again, kissing Steve back with a little bit of bite. “Well, I want that habit, it’s not fair that I can’t tell you as often as I want to.”

“You do, every day you tell me. You think I don’t religiously stalk your Facebook so I can get one more glimpse of your love?”

“It’s not the same, and you know that.”

“It’s not, you’re right, but it’s just as good.”

“Well… fuck Sam, anyway.”

Steve chuckled. “Please don’t. I’m not sure his husband would like that.”

Bucky raised a hand to point an accusing finger at him. “You’re not taking this seriously enough, Steve, Sam is dick and you don’t understand.”

Steve grabbed his hand out of the air and kissed that finger. There it was again, that little I love you wanting to spill out . “You’re just so adorable, baby, I’ve never seen you jealous before and it’s so cute.”

Bucky visibly softened as he rolled his eyes. “I fucking love you, Steve, of course I’m jealous.”

“I’ll be back for you, I promise.” Steve had to force his mind into wrapping this up, time was not on their side. He dropped his hands to Bucky’s collar, straightening it so he could retie the tie. “I’ll at least be back for the tie, you know that.”

Bucky smiled at that, back to his sunshine softness. “I wear it all the time, I figured today it’d give me some luck with my presentation.”

Steve hummed, he couldn’t stop himself from pressing fingers against the mark on Bucky’s neck. His mark. His baby always looked so good bruised up. “Like I was there with you, huh?”

“Yeah,” Bucky laughed, “Something like that.”

Steve ducked down and pressed his lips to the mark quickly before pulling back and buttoning the collar up again. “I’m glad I made Monty go home, it worked out better for everyone involved.”

Bucky was smiling up at him, searching his face. 

Steve’s fingers finally stroked down the silk and began to retie it. 

“You know, I never untied it.”

“Hm?” Steve raised an eyebrow, not really sure what Bucky meant. 

“Your tie. This is the first time it’s been untied since you tied it for me that first time. I never undid the knot.”

His fingers stilled. “Really?”

Bucky shrugged. “Nat made fun of me for it, but it was something you did for me, and I couldn’t get rid of that.”

He couldn’t resist swooping down and kissing Bucky fiercely, that was such an adorable sentiment. 

When he pulled away he pulled the knot free again and started tying a different knot, choosing one that was a little more complicated. 

“I’ll tie your tie anytime you want me to, baby.”

“Thanks, daddy.”

Steve nuzzled his nose and took another moment to finish, patting Bucky’s chest gently when he was done. “This one is a little more advanced, it won’t come untied as easy. So unless someone unties it on purpose it’ll stay knotted for you.”

Bucky grinned at that, his fingers caressing the knot where it sat against his throat. “Thank you.”

Steve glanced at his watch. He had minutes before he’d officially be late. 

“I gotta go, baby.”

They both took a deep breath, standing in each other’s space, staring into each other’s faces. 

“I love you, Steve.”

Steve kissed him one more time, cupping his cheeks. He pulled back and whispered into the space between them. “I am coming back, I’ll find some way to make sure we can see each other. Thank you for loving me, I miss you everyday.”

I love you, Bucky.

— % —

They were sitting in the courthouse for nearly two hours before the judge finally called their case number. Judging by the previous cases this wouldn’t take long, but Steve didn’t have a lot of optimism right now. He was anxious, bored, and missing Bucky terribly.

Sam stayed on the bench, giving Steve an encouraging nod as the three of them moved up past the railing.

They settled at the left table, but Steve couldn’t help watching as Peggy, Daniel, and her attorney settled at the other. 

“Mr. Johann Schmidt, you represent the plaintiff?”

The tall, slim man stood up, spreading a sheaf of papers in front of him as he nodded. When he spoke his voice was slightly accented, but smooth and confident. “Yes, your honor, I am.”

“Present your case.”

Schmidt launched into an explanation, eventually handing several papers to the security who passed it to the judge. Occasionally the judge would turn to their table to ask a clarifying question. She didn’t seem all that convinced on most of it, but especially focused on Steve’s company and his motorcycle, just like Matt said she would. 

“Mr. Murdock, you agree the company was started after the marriage, but don’t agree that it should be split according to common law?”

Matt stood up, holding out a hand to Foggy who quickly placed a paper in it. “No, your honor, I have documentation stating that though it officially began after the marriage, it had its roots long before the relationship. I also have documentation that Mrs. Rogers-Carter never contributed, either financially or otherwise to it.”

“I’d like to see that documentation, both sets.”

She took her time looking it over, nodding at the paper. If Steve was guessing correctly it was a copy of the business model that he’d drafted at the very beginning in order to get his business license. He’d had to give a couple of names to show that he had the financial backup he needed, but Peggy had been unwilling to sign. It was dated three months before the marriage, but the business license hadn’t been granted till six months after.

“This has been signed by Mr. Rogers, a Mr. Wilson, and a Mr. Stark, those were the only three who contributed to the beginning of Rogers Architecture and Design?” 

“Yes, your honor, Mr. Rogers and Mr. Wilson have both provided testimony to us that Mrs. Rogers-Carter refused multiple times to share financial assets when he was establishing the business, even though she was already settled at her father’s company.”

“And both are willing to testify to that under oath?”

Steve glanced back at Sam. Even though he knew that Sam had already confirmed he would, it was a relief to see Sam’s nod and reassuring smile as he stood up to show his attendance.

“Yes, Mr. Wilson is here today if you’d like to pursue that line of questioning.”

The judge waved her hand dismissively. “Not today, I’d like to look over this a little more, but expect an official summons to court for next time, Mr. Wilson.”

Sam nodded and sat back down.

Peggy’s attorney interjected with a few more comments on the business, but even with Steve’s nerves he wanted to roll his eyes at the arguments. He caught Foggy smiling in amusement several times, writing notes in margins as he did. 

“Alright, this is obviously something that won’t be settled today, we’ll table that till the court date. I’d like to hear more about Mrs. Rogers-Carter’s claim to the motorcycle that is currently in Mr. Rogers possession?”

Another long spiel by Mr. Schmidt but the judge was shaking her head half way through it. 

“Hold on a moment, Mr. Schmidt. Mr. Murdock, the Harley-Davidson is currently the only transportation your client has, correct?”

“Yes, your honor.”

“And Mr. Schmidt, your client has two other vehicles in her possession, a Lexus IS 500 and a Mercedes Benz GLC?”

“Yes, your honor, but-”

“I didn’t ask for an amendment, I asked for the facts, and the facts are that your client has two vehicles and the defendant has one, which your client is making a claim to.” 

Foggy was biting his lip again. “I have always loved Judge Taylor’s attitude,” he whispered. 

“Mr. Rogers.” 

Steve jerked as he looked up. Up to this point the judge had only spoken to Matt so he wasn’t sure what she wanted from him. “Yes, your honor?”

“Do you have a desire to make a claim on the other vehicles? Or is the Harley-Davidson your only vehicle because it’s your preferred vehicle?”

“I prefer it, I don’t need a sedan,”

“And your name is the only name currently on the title for it? Your wife never added hers?”

“Yes, your honor, that’s correct.”

“And you wouldn’t want to trade it for one of the other vehicles?”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“Wonderful. Mr. Schmidt, your client’s claim to the Harley is denied. We’ll discuss the other two vehicles at court, but Mr. Rogers has full claim to the motorcycle and it will not be discussed further, please remove it from your agenda.”

Matt was smiling, and when Steve turned his head, Sam was giving him a thumbs up. 

He hadn’t expected it to be settled that quickly, but it felt great. One of two important things down.

The apartment and the cabin were both discussed and then tabled for court, along with everything inside them. The only surprise from that was when the judge asked Peggy if she was currently residing in the apartment, and if she was why she didn’t want it. 

“No, your honor, I’m not currently there, it’s never truly suited me so I’ve picked somewhere else that does.”

“Does somewhere else happen to be with the man sitting next to you?”

Mr. Schmidt cut across Peggy before she could open her mouth. “My client would prefer not to divulge her residence for safety reasons, your honor.”

Judge Taylor raised a skeptical eyebrow, but nodded. “That’s fine. Most everything else on your list is both petty and menial, Mr. Schmidt, so I’m not sure why we’re bringing it to attention here, but there is one more thing I will need more information on before making a decision. Your client is making a claim for alimony? Explain.”

Foggy and Matt were clearly both surprised by that statement. Matt sat back, his head tilting, and Foggy was instantly shuffling, looking for something in his stack of paper. 

When he found it he leaned into Matt’s side, whispering quietly for a long moment. 

Halfway through Schmidt’s explanation Judge Taylor cut him off again. 

“Mr. Murdock, is there something particularly urgent you’d like to share? The whispering is unacceptable.”

Foggy was scanning through the paper again before he whispered to Matt one more time, and Matt stood up again. 

“Yes, your honor, we were not made aware of a claim for alimony by the plaintiff. The settlement offer we received this morning from opposing counsel has no mention of it, and we would have heavy arguments against it if it had.”

“Mr. Schmidt, would you like to explain why your settlement offer to opposing counsel did not have it listed, but the offer you provided me did?”

Peggy’s attorney paused, even glancing down at Peggy and Daniel. 

Apparently he paused too long. 

“So there is no explanation? No reasoning for not following court protocols?”

“Of course there is, your honor-”

“No, that’s enough, sit down. Mr. Murdock, please give me your argument against it.”

“Of course.” Matt instantly got to the point, pointing out the financial declaration forms both Steve and Peggy had filled out at the beginning, pointing out that their financial income was incredibly similar, and their career paths evidently wouldn't be changing anytime soon. The surprise for Steve came at the end, where Matt pointed out the infidelity. “And, as a last argument, your honor, you’ll recall that state laws require alimony to be paid only until the receiving party is remarried and financially stable. Mrs. Rogers-Carter has publicly admitted to having an affair, and I would like it stated for the court that the man she brought with her today is the man she admitted as her sexual confidant, so it would be ridiculous to require Mr. Rogers to pay alimony, when she clearly wasn’t relying on him to begin with, much less for financial reasons.”

For the first time Judge Taylor was smiling, even though it was little more than a smirk. 

Before she could respond Peggy’s attorney interrupted again. “Your honor, is it really reasonable to assume that-”

“Mr. Schmidt, I said sit down, you have proved to the court that you did not prepare properly and because of that I don’t care for your opinion in this matter.”

Steve’s view of the other table was blocked by Matt standing, and he had to resist the urge to lean forward to see what Peggy’s reaction to that was.

The court sat in silence for a long moment, Judge Taylor again looking over the papers in front of her. 

Finally she looked up, frowning again. “Mrs. Rogers-Carter, please stand.”

Matt sat back down and Steve had a clear view again. Peggy was wearing one of her red dresses, her hair perfectly coiffed as always, confidence obvious in the set of her shoulders and the tap of her fingers against the table.

“Mrs. Rogers-Carter, you currently hold the position of CMO at Carter Incorporated?”

“Yes, your honor, I do.”

“And you’ve held that position for nearly fifteen years?”

“Yes, it will be fifteen in June.”

“Since your attorney is clearly inept, please explain why you feel the need for alimony.”

Peggy hesitated, flustered and caught off guard, glancing down at her attorney, then at Daniel on her other side. 

Foggy was smiling again. 

Daniel began to stand up, pulling Peggy’s arm to bring her ear down to him, but before he could get any further Judge Taylor was shaking her head. 

“Really? Mrs. Rogers-Carter, sit down. You, sir, stand up.”

Peggy was flushing, the tint in her cheeks brought out by the color of her dress. 

“What is your name?”

“Daniel Sousa, your honor.”

“And what, tell me, are you doing on my court floor, Mr. Sousa?”

“I’m here as support for Mrs. Carter, your honor.”

“And? That doesn’t explain why you're on the floor, does it? Her legal support is being handled by her questionable attorney, so your presence is purely companionable, no? Mr. Wilson clearly came to support Mr. Rogers, but you don’t see him at the defense table, do you? What are you doing on my floor ?”

Foggy looked down, shaking his head as he grinned. He caught Steve’s eye and winked. 

Daniel was floundering worse than Peggy had, and Judge Taylor was clearly over it. 

“Mr. Sousa, sit down, and if you interject again into a proceeding that has nothing to do with you I will have you removed not only from the floor, but from the courthouse entirely, do you understand?”

“Yes, your honor.”

“Mrs. Rogers-Carter, stand up.”

Peggy brushed her hands against her cheeks and then her dress as she stood, clearly still flustered. 

“There are several things I’d like to make abundantly clear to you, so listen closely. I don’t care what you tell the press, or what you do in your free time, or your bedroom, what I care about is how you handle yourself on my court floor. It’s only been thirty minutes and I’ve already made several decisions regarding your case. I've watched your reaction to each of them. I’ve not been impressed. So I’m going to give you some advice, and if you’d like to get the most out of your next day in court, you’ll listen. First, either have a very long discussion with your current attorney about what you’d like out of this, or hire another attorney . He clearly has an agenda against the defense, and I’m sure you do as well, that’s what court is about, agendas, however, going against court protocols to support those agendas is entirely unacceptable, and if he makes that mistake again I am going to be heavily swayed toward your husband. Do you understand?”

Peggy nodded sharply. “Yes, your honor.”

“Wonderful, next, and this one is important to me personally rather than legally, but it’s still very valid either way. I don’t follow public profiles of people I judge, it’s a moral issue, but I have heard of your public statement that regards your infidelity. You have made sure your counselor doesn’t mention it, which is prudent, but also completely dismissed by your bringing your lover to court. I don’t care who you have sex with, but when it affects the proceedings of the court I take a look. Mrs. Rogers-Carter, if you would like to be taken seriously in this court, you will be more thoughtful about the consequences of your infidelity. Mr. Sousa has no reason to be here. If you’d like companionable support, take a note from the defense and have him sit with the spectators, I’m fine with that. But having him on the floor is unnecessary, and if I could hazard a guess I’d say the only reason you had him sit next to you is to influence the thoughts and emotions of your husband, is that correct?”

Peggy’s eyes flickered toward Steve and that was all the answer required. 

Judge Taylor shook her head, clearly disappointed and annoyed. “Infidelity may not be as serious of a matter as it used to be, and for that you’re very lucky, but I still consider it within the cases that cross my desk. Your infidelity, and your attitude about it are incredibly distasteful. You have been flippant, thoughtless, and purposefully tried to sabotage the defense’s state of mind. I won’t allow it in my court. If you’d like the next day in court to go well for you, you’ll consider who sits next to you far more carefully. Sit down.”

Foggy cleared his throat quietly, rubbing his mouth to hide his grin. Matt wasn’t even trying to hide his satisfied expression. 

“Mr. Murdock,”

Matt stood again, and Steve savored a last glance at the opposing table, knowing he’d forever remember the chagrin and embarrassment on each of the faces there. 

“Yes, your honor?”

“I realize because of the actions of the opposing counsel that you technically don’t have something to mark off the agenda, but please consider the claim for alimony denied and no longer up for discussion. Lack of plausible argument from the plaintiff leads me to believe that yours is the most compelling side in this issue, so the matter is settled in your favor.”

“Thank you, your honor.”

Judge Taylor nodded, turning back to the papers in front of her to shuffle through them. After a brief moment she looked back up, an amused but severe look in her eyes. “I understand that my comments to the plaintiff may have been satisfying to you, but at least attempt to hide the chuckles next time, Mr. Nelson.”

Matt turned enough to gently smack Foggy’s shoulder and Foggy nodded, obviously chastised appropriately. “I apologize, your honor.”

“Well, I do believe that is everything we can take care of today. We’ll move this discussion to a court date, so counselors please communicate with the court on scheduling. We discussed an official summons for Mr. Samuel Wilson, and I’d like to extend that summons to include Mr. Howard Stark as well, since his signature was also mentioned. Mrs. Rogers-Carter, you may select up to two witnesses that you feel would support your arguments, as long as they are approved by the court . Your attorney has access to what criteria is required for acceptable witnesses, and if that is not heeded your witnesses may not be accepted. I also will require more documentation on both vehicles that are currently in Mrs. Rogers-Carter’s possession, and any documentation or information on the New York apartment and upstate cabin that I haven’t received will need to be introduced to the court before the court date. Any other closing comments, concerns, or questions?”

A chorus of “no, your honor”s sounded across the floor, Judge Taylor nodded, banged her gavel once, and called the next case number.

— % —

“Whoa, the judge actually said that to Peggy?”

Riley’s eyes were wide, obviously impressed, as he leaned forward so he could see Steve on the opposite side of the couch. 

It was the next day, they had come back to D.C., finished a late dinner, and were now reclining with beers on Sam and Riley’s couch. Steve had his back against one arm, while Riley was against the other, Sam comfortably curled against his husband in the middle.

Steve grinned, nodding as he took another drink from his nearly empty bottle. “Yup, the judge wasn’t messing around. Foggy was laughing the entire time, and he got chastised for that at the end, but it was fantastic.”

Sam nodded, rolling his head back on Riley’s shoulder. “You should have seen that bastard’s face when the judge asked why he was there. He was so sure he was in the right place, and then she just rolled right over him. It was beautiful.”

Riley whistled under his breath. “I would have paid to see that. Too bad it wasn’t televised.”

Sam laughed at that. “Peggy would eat that up. Until the judge laid into her, anyway.”

“So all in all, not a bad day?”

Steve shook his head, grinning at Riley then down at his bottle, thinking back to yesterday morning as well. It had been a pretty great day all around. “It was a great day, yeah, definitely great.”

Sam lifted his head again, reaching out to touch Steve’s knee between them. “I forgot to ask, actually, how did the Stark meeting go? I know you had that follow up this morning, but you never mentioned why you needed to go yesterday to begin with.”

“Oh yeah,” Steve nodded, setting his empty bottle on the floor next to the couch. “Monty took a sick day, and I figured I needed to meet the engineer anyway. It was a presentation on the tech they’re putting in the tower. Pretty advanced stuff.” He couldn’t keep the smile off his face while he spoke, but he found he didn’t care. He’d been unsure about whether to tell Sam and Riley, but now he didn’t care if they knew. 

“Was the tech that great? I haven’t seen you smile about tech like that since Malibu.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “No, it wasn’t the tech… The tech was great, just…”

Riley gave him a flat look. “What was it then? Don’t do your dumb reserved thing, we’ll get it out of you either way.”

Sam nodded and Steve laughed, enjoying the camaraderie and comfort in the moment. 

“Well, you know how I hadn’t met the engineer before that?”

They both nodded. 

“And… um… Bucky… he works at Stark Industries.”

Sam narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, you mentioned that like… a while ago.”

Steve nodded, a slow smile stretching his lips. “I didn’t know that he was working as an engineer… Or that he’d been promoted recently…”

Sam’s jaw dropped, Riley took another second to get here and then his eyes widened. 

“You’re joking, you gotta be joking, ain’t no way.”

“Are you saying that Bucky is the mystery engineer?”

Steve grinned, nodding some more. “Yeah, Bucky is the head engineer for the tech they’re putting in. He did a whole presentation on it, how he built it, how they’re testing it, visions for installation, the whole thing. It was great.”

Sam shook his head. “Hell no, you’re fuckin with us.”

Steve laughed. “Nope, I mean, I thought I was hallucinating at first, but it was really him. First time I’ve ever seen him in a suit, and honestly, it did not disappoint.”

“So you got to see Bucky for the first time in months, and you got to listen to a judge chew Peggy out… Yeah, I’d say that’s a pretty good day.”

Steve nodded, pulling his knees up to his chest and leaning more heavily to the side so the back of the couch would take his weight. “Yeah, it was… a fantastic day, actually. It was good to see him again.”

Sam patted his ankle, smiling at him. “I’m proud of you, man, you’re doing a real good job with all of this.”

“Thanks, Sam.” For the first time in a while he actually believed it. 

The conversation shifted, and eventually the tv was turned on. Steve stayed in that position, turning his head when he was interested, but mostly just listening. Eventually he pulled out his phone, scrolling to Bucky’s contact. 

The temptation to text him never faded, but this time he was content to just stare at the screen. 

He let himself imagine what Bucky’s reaction would have been, if Steve had caved and brought Bucky with him to court. Steve could imagine the amazement, shock, and delight on his face if he’d heard the judge’s comments to Peggy. He could imagine the way Bucky would have jumped on him at the end, one hand punching the air, excitement lighting his eyes. I told you, Steve, I told you! She’d mess up and the judge would see right through her! Fuck, I’m so proud of you, we’re halfway there!

Steve closed his eyes and let himself imagine the excited, passionate kiss he could have gotten when he’d stepped out of the courtroom. It would have been the cherry on top of a great day. 

I love you, Bucky, we’re halfway there.

Chapter Text

The tower project was moving along, the foundation had gone in and set time was up, which meant they were now moving into the vertical construction. It was going to be a long process before it was completed, but knowing that it was finally more than a concept was good, fulfilling. It also meant Bucky had a few more meetings to set with Rogers Architecture and Steve was using every excuse he had to be at every one of them. 

This was the first one he’d actually been at, since he’d been in D.C. since they’re initial meeting and the last meeting had been in person. Monty had rolled his eyes and said there was no reason for Steve to be on virtually unless he didn’t trust him. Which he did. So for the first time he was setting up his laptop knowing he was going to see Bucky on the other end of it. Did he technically need to be on this call? No, but Monty hadn’t called him out on it when he’d asked to join this time, so here he was. Bucky had emailed yesterday explaining that he’s been feeling under the weather for a couple of days, but if they still wanted to conference he would just do it from home, and Steve had quickly said he didn’t care. So here he was, twenty minutes before the agreed on time, hoping that Bucky got on early as well so they could talk for a few minutes before Monty got on. 

Unfortunately that didn’t happen, and Monty got on before Bucky did. They covered a couple of small questions about other projects while they waited for Bucky to join them.

When Bucky did it was obvious that he wasn’t feeling well. His hair was thrown up in an incredibly messy bun, and there were shadows under his eyes with creases on his cheek. 

“Hi, guys, I’m so sorry, I know this isn’t professional but thanks for being willing to be flexible.”

He was propped up on one end of their couch at home, his back to the hallway, swamped in a black hoodie. The hood was currently down, but maybe pulling it down recently was one reason his hair was such a beautiful mess.

Monty nodded onscreen. “It’s no problem, I assure you, you definitely don’t look well. Nothing too bad, I hope?”

Bucky shook his head, even as he coughed into his elbow. “No, just a cold, it’s just sticking around for a while.”

Steve winced at the hacking cough, it didn’t sound good at all. It made Steve want to be there in the room with him, Bucky hadn’t gotten sick while they were together so Steve had never had an excuse to pamper and take care of him. 

He made himself take a casual drink of his coffee. “That sounds worse than a cold, you sure you’re okay?”

Bucky smiled a little, but Natasha appeared behind him before he could respond. 

She placed a mug in his hand, wrapping both arms around him, and smacked a hard kiss on the side of his head. “He won’t let me take him to urgent care, stubborn idiot. Drink this, you’ll feel better.”

“Thanks, Nat. And no, I don’t need a hospital, I told you, I’ll be fine, I think I’m over the worst of it now.”

“You’ve slept for nearly fifteen hours, you would have kept sleeping if I didn’t wake you up for this call, you could say thank you, ya know.”

He flapped a hand at her, even as he drank whatever was in the mug. “Go away, I’m unprofessional enough right now, stop being nosy.”

She squeezed him once and disappeared. 

Monty was grinning, and when Nat disappeared he whistled lowly. “I wouldn’t feel the need to get well too quickly with someone like her as a nursemaid. My wife is a redhead as well, fiery women, but good ones.”

Steve resisted the urge to laugh, but also felt a pinch of sadness. He wanted to be a nursemaid for Bucky.

“No, fuck no, god,” Bucky started to laugh, and that threw him into another coughing fit. When he recovered he shook his head again as he smiled. “No, that’s my roommate, she’s definitely taken, you’ll probably see her boyfriend around here somewhere too. I’m seeing someone else anyway, even if I did swing her way.”

Steve definitely smiled at that, eyeing the blush that made its way up Bucky’s cheeks. He missed that blush. “Sounds like a lucky guy, though if I was him I’d be playing nursemaid instead of letting a roommate do it.”

Bucky smiled at him through the camera, lifting the mug to drink a little more. “Yeah, he’s been busy or I’m sure he would be, he’s a mother hen if I ever met one, so I didn’t tell him for a while, I’m sure he’d suffocate me if he could.”

Steve nodded, trying to think of a way to express how much he would love to suffocate his boy right now, but unable to with Monty there. 

Monty was chuckling, but seemed to decide they’d small talked enough. “Well, I just had a few more questions about the sensors. We talked a lot last time, but I feel I will always have more questions for you, if you don’t mind.”

Business filled the next hour, and Steve was a lot more present than he’d been at the last meeting. God, had that really been almost two months ago now? Not quite, but yeah. He’d been pretty busy in that time, acquiring two more projects while also talking things through with his lawyers. Thankfully he’d been able to pass the projects along to Fury and his team, keeping his focus on the tower project, but that didn’t mean that he had a bunch of free time. Being in D.C. while his business worked out of New York was getting tedious. So was his divorce, but there wasn’t much he could do about either of those things. 

He swung between depression, obsessively working out at the gym, constantly spending time with Sam and Riley, and getting frustrated with how ridiculous his life was. It was a little boring, even as he wished that it was even more boring. Boring meant predictable. His life wasn’t nearly as predictable as he had thought it would be at this age. 

Would a life with Bucky ever be predictable though? Even when he was sick he was still just as sassy, sly comments slipping in between professionalism and sips of his drink. It was cute, and if Steve was honest he’d be okay with a little bit of crazy right now. Bucky’s brand of crazy was a good one, he missed it. 

Finally they were wrapping up, Monty sifting through papers to make sure he’d written down what he needed and asked all his questions. Steve had even written his own set of notes, managing to focus even as he watched Bucky across the screen. 

“Yeah, just shoot me another email if you have any other questions, and let me know when you want to meet again. Stark is being an ass about everything, so don’t worry about contacting him, I’ll keep him in the loop if he needs it.”

Monty nodded. “Well, alright then, I’ll check my calendar and let you know within the week. We won’t need to implement much within the next while, but I like to stay ahead of it all, make sure we aren’t the reason the project gets off schedule.”

“Yeah, that’s totally understandable. I’ll look forward to talking to you again.”

For a moment Steve worried that Bucky was going to get off the call without talking to him, he waved bye, that awkward ‘end of video call’ posture obvious. 

But as soon as Monty’s screen was black Bucky relaxed again. 

Steve relaxed in turn, smiling fully now. “Hey, baby, how’re you feeling?”

Bucky snuggled down, pulling a blanket off the back of the couch and over his shoulders, looking through the screen with big, sad eyes. “I don’t feel good. I wish you were here, daddy.”

Steve closed his eyes for a minute, wishing the same thing. “I know, I’m sorry I can’t be there for you.”

“It’s okay, I get it. Just miss you. Nat says I get emotional and gloomy when I’m sick, and she’s probably right.”

Steve leaned forward to rest his head on his hand, wishing he could get closer to Bucky, hug him somehow. “It’s okay to be emotional sometimes, being sick is never fun. I miss you too. Why won’t you let her take you to urgent care? They could run some tests, to make sure it’s really just a cold.”

Bucky fingered the fringe on the edge of the blanket, clearing his throat a little. “No, it’s fine, really. It’s been going around the office, everyone on my team has had it so far, it’ll pass in a couple of days, no reason to sit for hours in a waiting room just to be told what I already know.”

“It’d make me feel better, knowing that you’re actually okay. That cough sounds bad.”

“No, it’s not as bad as it sounds, Nat keeps me stocked on her weird Russian tea that’s supposed to cure cancer, so it’s getting better.”

Steve frowned, a little dubious. “Russian tea? That sounds like it’d be more likely to kill you than cure you. My ma used to swear by honey and lavender tea, she’d make it fresh, with the actual leaves and stuff from her garden, you should try some, it’ll help your throat if nothing else.”

Bucky smiled a little, just like he always did when Steve brought up his mother. “Would you make me some if you were here? I’m shit at tea, and Nat would murder me for trying something that wasn’t Russian.”

“Of course I’d make you some, sweetheart, I’d make you drink a whole mug and then I’d put you to bed and hold you until you fell asleep. Sleep and tea always does the trick.”

Bucky reached up to run his fingers through his hair, then he rubbed his eyes. “I could use some snuggles right now. I miss you, Steve, a whole bunch.”

The slight choke of his voice hit Steve hard, he sounded so sad. “I miss you too, Bucky, I’m sorry, I wish I could be there for you.”

Bucky shook his head quickly, sniffling a little. “You don’t have to be sorry, I know this sucks for both of us. I’m just being emotional.”

Steve took in everything on his screen, the way Bucky was slumped against the back of the couch, the color in his cheeks, probably from a higher temperature, and the slight way his hands shook as he rubbed his eyes. He wanted more than anything to be talking to him face to face, instead of through a computer. “You’re allowed to be emotional, honey, I just wish I could help.”

Bucky sniffed again, which was followed quickly by another coughing fit. Steve really wished he could rub his back, or offer him water, or something. Anything. 

When Bucky finally got his breath back he tried to smile. “It’s okay, really. Tell me how you’re doing, how’s D.C.?”

Steve sighed and sat back in the chair, shrugging. “There’s not much to tell. Sam and Riley are doing well, we hang out a lot. But I miss New York, I miss you, I miss not being bombarded by news crews and lawyers constantly, though I’m sure that’d be worse in New York.”

Bucky frowned a little, his eyes worried. “I figured D.C. wouldn’t care about the divorce, I mean you and Peggy were only really known in New York. Are they bothering you that much down there?”

“No, not that badly, nothing I can’t handle.” Steve waved a hand through the air, “I’ve just gotten really good at telling people to talk to my lawyer. Mostly I just stay inside, work from my apartment, try not to miss you too much.”

Bucky smiled but was obviously still concerned. “Yeah, I’ve noticed you haven’t really given a statement to anyone. Not something you want to do?”

“My lawyers want me to keep quiet for now, and honestly I agree with them. Peggy’s being loud enough about it all, I don’t think anything I say could make it better, and I don’t want to make it worse either.”

“Yeah, she’s a bitch, you didn’t watch her latest interview, right?”

Steve rolled his eyes at the suspicion in Bucky’s voice, but shook his head. “No, you got mad at me last time for it, and Sam made me promise not to as well, so I’ve stayed well away from all of that. She say anything interesting?”

Bucky shook his head, clearing his throat again. “No, just the usual bullshit. I don’t think I really got mad at you for it, but if that’s what’s keeping you away from it then I’ll take that.”

“You definitely didn’t get as mad as Sam did.” Steve frowned a little in worry. “Do you have some water nearby, baby? Drink a little for me, your throat sounds pretty painful.”

Bucky shifted a little to pull a metal water bottle from behind the screen and obediently took a drink. “It’s not as bad as it sounds, I promise. You’re at Sam’s right now, huh?”

Steve nodded, glancing around the small office Sam had. Riley and Sam usually used it for after hours paperwork, or the occasional private client, but they’d let him use it since it was a little more professional than the blank walls of Steve’s rented apartment. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure they just want me to use their space so they have an excuse to check on me, no matter how many times I tell them to mind their own business.”

Bucky frowned at that, rolling his eyes. “Well, Sam can go fuck himself, no matter how nice he is. Tell him to mind his own business, he’s too nosy even with me.”

Steve opened his mouth, then snapped it shut, confused. “You talk to Sam?” Is that what Bucky had just implied?

Bucky was taking another drink, but slowly lowered the bottle, wiping his mouth as he frowned at Steve. “Yeah… Didn’t you know that? I thought he’d told you after your hearing…”

Steve shook his head. “No, when would he have told me? How long have you guys talked?”

Bucky sat back up, the blanket falling off his shoulders as he frowned as well. “He sent me a friend request a while after you got to D.C., we've talked since then, mostly he’s just an asshole, but he updates me about you sometimes. He made it sound like he told you about it after court. He said you told him about me working at SI, and I guess I assumed he’d told you we talked…”

Steve scratched a hand through his beard, both a little hurt and a little frustrated at his friend. Sam had never kept something like this a secret before, and it would have been a nice way to talk to Bucky. “No, he never said anything… I had no idea…”

Suddenly Bucky’s eyes widened. “Wait, so that… fuck, that wasn’t you sending-” He pushed the screen back, reaching for something on the coffee table, coming back with his phone after a second. “You didn’t know he was sending those, then? I thought that was you, but it was just him?”

Steve shook his head as he leaned forward, mostly in confusion. “Baby, it’s okay, what do you mean, sending what?”

Bucky was tapping on his phone, his breathing had gone up a little, and he coughed into his elbow again. “The pictures… oh my god.” Apparently he’d found what he was looking for and he covered his mouth as he scrolled.

“Bucky, baby, tell me what’s wrong, what has he been sending you?” Steve honestly couldn’t think of a single thing that would cause this reaction, but that didn’t stop him from being worried. 

Finally Bucky looked up at him, his phone lowering. “He’s been sending me your sketches… The pictures you draw of me, or us. I thought you were telling him to send them, I…” He covered his mouth again, closing his eyes. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, if I had known…”

Steve’s mind flew to his sketchbook, which was currently sitting on Sam’s coffee table. He was mostly confused, but could feel the beginning of a couple other emotions. “Wait, which ones? Why would he…”

Bucky shook his head again, not moving his hand. “I had no idea, some of them… some of them are so private I assumed you had to be telling him to show me… oh my god…”

Steve held up his hand, trying to calm Bucky down. “Hey, Buck, it’s okay, I promise. Sam and I have an agreement, I don’t really show any of my art to people, but he’s allowed to look at them if he wants to. It’s okay, really.”

Bucky just shook his head. “No, looking at them is different than taking pictures and sending them to people . That’s wrong, and the ones he sent me… oh god.”

“Which ones did he send you? Honey, calm down, it’s okay, why are you reacting like this?” Steve couldn’t quite figure out what Bucky was feeling, and his own emotions were also running wild. This was not the reaction that he’d hoped his sketches would get from Bucky, but he’d also been planning on sharing them himself, showing Bucky when they were back together. Sam sharing them behind his back hurt. 

Bucky held up his phone, scrolling again before turning the phone so Steve could see it through the webcam. “They’re so personal, I mean, this one is from one of our hotel nights… How could he think sharing these without permission was okay?”

The picture on his screen was a recent one, purely from Steve’s memory, of Bucky lying on his side on a bed, his back to the viewer, the sheets pulled up just around his waist, leaving his torso and most of his legs revealed, his hair messy against the pillow as he slept. Steve had put a lot of effort into it, trying to encompass the beauty and grace in Bucky’s body. 

It was definitely one he had been planning to show Bucky himself. A personal moment between them. 

A wave of sadness hit him. “How many has he sent you?”

Bucky scrolled through the phone again, counting. “Thirteen, fourteen? He’s sent a couple a week, he started sending them just after your hearing so I thought it was you showing them to me, just using him cause you couldn’t show me yourself…”

Steve sighed as he sat back. “No, I didn’t realize he was doing that…”

Bucky was rubbing his eyes after he tossed his phone away. “Oh my god, Steve, I’m so sorry, I’m so mad at him right now, that was so disrespectful, he should know better than to do that!”

Steve would talk to Sam himself, but right now it was more important to console Bucky. “Hey, Bucky, look at me, it’s not okay, and I’ll talk to him. But it also is okay, I promise, I didn’t realize it was happening, but I’m not… okay, I’m disappointed, but only because I wanted to show them to you… I was planning on showing you after I got back to New York…”

Bucky scratched his fingers through his hair, obviously still emotional about it. “That just makes it worse! I thought they were from you, this whole time, and then to realize it was just Sam being an asshole, as usual… I would have wanted to look at them with you, they’re obviously personal, and he…” Bucky shook his head sharply. “Fucking Sam.”

Steve wished more than ever that he was with Bucky, simply so he could gather the boy up in his arms and hold him close. “Baby, it’s okay, take a deep breath, you’re gonna give yourself another coughing fit. I’ll talk to him, and now that I know you two talk, maybe I will send you a couple.”

Bucky slid back down against the couch arm, still frowning hard. “That’s not okay, Steve, he’s a fucking therapist, he should know what boundaries are. And…” He wiped at his eyes again, but Steve couldn’t tell through the screen if he was actually crying or not. “This whole time I thought it was you… I thought you were telling me you missed me… But it was just him, and that… god that sucks.”

Steve reached forward automatically, stopping his hand just before he touched the screen. He watched Bucky for a moment, worried about his cough, but also just looking at him, taking him in. “Baby, I did miss you… That’s why I draw you so often, because I miss you, because I’m thinking about you. I drew every single one of those when I was missing you. And yeah, it’s not how I wanted you to see them, but it’s okay, I’ll talk to Sam.”

Bucky coughed again, sitting up a little as he did, his eyes screwed shut in pain. He took another drink quickly then leaned back again. He watched Steve through the screen, frowning. “I wanted them to be from you…” He wiped his eyes again, lifting them to stare at the ceiling. “It doesn’t matter, sorry, I’m just emotional cause I’m sick.”

“You’re allowed to be emotional, sweetheart, it’s okay.” Steve rubbed a hand across his chin, nervous as he asked the question he most wanted an answer to. “What did you think of them? They’re not my best, especially the early ones cause I was still getting back into life work… But did you like them? Even though I wasn’t the one giving them to you?”

Bucky looked back down, taking a deep breath. He rubbed his forehead and smiled as he met Steve’s eyes through the camera. “Yeah, I did, I love them. I knew your art would be awesome, you put a lot into it and it’s obvious. It’s super impressive, I love them.”

“You didn’t think they were too much, or too weird? Sam says they’re a little much sometimes.”

Bucky frowned again. “Well Sam can go fuck himself, clearly he doesn’t have good ideas of right and wrong.” With another shake of his head Bucky softened again. “They’re beautiful. I never saw myself like that, but the way you put it onto a page… it’s special, and I love all of them.”

Steve smiled finally, relief easing the hurt. “ You are beautiful, baby. I’m only drawing the truth, reminding myself of what I’m missing.”

Bucky reached for his phone again, swiping it open as he laid his head against the back of the couch. “There’s a couple that I couldn’t figure out the context for, but I think this one is my favorite, of the ones he sent me.”

He held up his phone to the camera again and Steve smiled. It was another one from memory, but helped a little by the pictures he’d gotten from Facebook. 

Bucky was reclining on the couch, one foot kicked up onto the coffee table, the other knee pulled up to his chest with his foot on the edge of the cushion. His arm extended across the back of the couch toward the viewer and his head was tilted over to smile at them, happiness and mischief in his lips and posture. It was welcoming and bright, exactly as Steve had wanted it to be. 

“Yeah, that one took me a while, but I always loved it when you got cocky and mischievous, I knew I had to draw one with you like that.”

“I miss our movie nights, game nights aren’t the same without you. This reminds me of them.”

“That was the idea…” Steve rested his head in one hand, thinking back like he did so often. “I always loved being a part of them, sometimes knowing I could see you on Wednesday nights was the only thing that got me through Mondays.”

Bucky scrolled through the phone again, holding it up one more time. “This one is good too, I miss holding your hand.”

It was a simple sketch, one Steve hadn’t even really finished, the date on the bottom labeling it at early March. The vague outline of a floor, two legs pressed together with hands intertwined and resting on top of one of them, the edge of a diner seat disappearing unfinished. 

“Yeah, I miss that too. Everything was a lot simpler when I was around you, ya know.”

Bucky clicked the phone off as he raised an eyebrow. “Was it really? I feel like I just complicated everything for you. If I hadn’t been around, everything might have gotten better for you.”

Steve shook his head, having had those same thoughts before. “No, baby, you didn’t. Everything would have been the same, everything still would have sucked. Having you around kept me from going crazy, you gave me something to hold onto, something to care about when I wasn’t allowed to at home.”

I love you, Bucky .

“I miss you, Steve. When are you coming back?”

He sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know, sweetheart. We’ve got the court date set for the beginning of August, that was the earliest they could schedule, and we’ve got a ton of paperwork to do, a lot of preparations. Sam and Howard both got subpoenaed as witnesses, and a lot of it will be riding on how well Peggy’s lawyer performs this time. It could be over in August, or it could go to another session. Matt doesn’t think it will, but it could, considering everything.”

“That’s a long time away… like five more months… Are you gonna be okay till then?”

Of course Bucky would be worried about him, Steve shouldn’t be surprised by that. “I’ll be okay, I’ll keep drawing, keep bugging Sam, keep thinking about you. That’ll get me through it.”

“Will you be at the next meeting with Monty? I think it’s gonna be another video call…”

“Yeah, if I can I definitely will be. Seeing you like this is better than nothing, I miss you all the time.”

Bucky sighed again, obviously getting maudlin as he coughed. “It’s not fair… But I’m glad you have Sam, I’m glad he went with you last time.”

“I wish it had been you. Peggy brought Daniel and all I could think about was the look on her face if I had brought you too…”

“I would have come, I told you that, and it’s still true. One word, Steve, and I’ll screw this whole thing and tell her to shove it.”

Steve smiled, he couldn’t help it, hearing the conviction and promise in Bucky's tone. “I know you would, baby, I’ve never doubted you. Just a little bit longer, are you okay waiting a little bit longer?”

The boy rolled his eyes, even as he reached up and wiped at them. “Of course, I would wait a whole lot longer than five more months if you needed it. I love you, I love you a lot.”

I love you too.

“Thank you, Bucky, I miss you so much, everyday.”

Bucky tugged on the blanket again, messing with the fringe. “Now that you know Sam talks to me… will you talk to me through him, sometimes? I liked thinking that it was you, and if it really was you that’d be even better.”

Steve tilted his head, considering. If Sam was talking to Bucky he obviously didn’t think anyone would flag it as suspicious. Though Steve would definitely need to let Matt and Foggy know just in case. “I think I could do that. Would you want me to send you more sketches? Write you little notes about them?”

“Yeah, that’d be awesome,” Bucky smiled, the tilt of his lips beautiful, and so inviting. Steve wanted to reach out and run his thumb along the bottom one. “I miss talking to you regularly.”

“I miss that too, I’ll be back, I promise.”

“You better be, I don’t like sitting here like a helpless girl waiting for her man to come back from war. It’s boring.”

Steve laughed at that, loving his dramatic little boy. “I won’t leave you helpless, I promise, and if I could do something about your boredom I would.”

Bucky laughed with him, but a flush was slowly rising in his cheeks, darkening his color past the color of sickness. “If…” He fingered the fringe of the blanket again, not meeting Steve’s eyes. “If I went into my bedroom, would you… would you have time to keep me entertained for a minute? Maybe play a game like we used to?”

It didn’t take a lot of thought to get what Bucky was talking about. Steve sighed as he looked at the time. “I have another meeting I have to get onto in another few minutes, besides, you’re sick, honey, the last thing you need is something like that. I know how loud you get, you’d be coughing up a storm within a few minutes of me getting you worked up.”

Bucky sighed and rolled his eyes. “Oh come on, I’m not that sick, I haven’t… I haven’t had anything except my own hand for months now…”

Steve tried not to smile, but failed. “Neither have I, baby, we’re in the same boat. Maybe after the next call, if you’re not sick, and my schedule works out we can do something fun, I could get you all worked up and begging for me. But I really want you to get better, you know if I was really there that’s all I would focus on, cuddling with you and making sure you felt better.”

“Yeah, cause you’re a mother hen…” Bucky muttered as he flicked the blanket away, sad and sulky. “You don’t even care what I want , a guy my age has needs , Steve, and I’m not getting anything right now.”

He actually laughed at that, couldn’t stop himself if he wanted to, Bucky was just too adorable. “I know you have needs, baby, stop being dramatic. As soon as I have you in my arms again I’ll make you beg for me, give you everything you’ve been missing as I take you apart. I promise.”

Bucky flushed brighter, looking up at Steve through his lashes. “You’ll kiss me everywhere, make me come twice, take me apart and put me back together when you’re done?”

Steve groaned quietly, he missed Bucky, missed being with him, being surrounded by him, drowning in him. “Anything you want, you can ask for whatever you want and I’ll give it to you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise, Bucky, I promise.”

“Okay, I’m gonna hold you to that.” Bucky smiled, pink still high on his cheeks.

“You do that, sweetheart, I’ll look forward to it.” Steve smiled for a moment until he sighed again. He really did need to prepare for his next meeting, he was going over March’s numbers with Fury, getting everything together so Fury could have the monthly meeting with the shareholders. “I gotta go, this meeting’s in another ten minutes and now I have to calm myself down before that.”

Bucky grinned, obviously pleased with himself. “That just means you’ll keep thinking about me, right?”

“Like I could ever forget you, I don’t think there’s been a single day that I haven’t woken up thinking about you, sweetheart.”

“Good, means you’ll come back to me.” Bucky suddenly started coughing again, his forehead wrinkling in pain. 

When he recovered, taking another drink, Steve shook his head, worried. “Hey, if this doesn’t clear up in the next day or two, will you let Nat take you to urgent care? For me?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but when he spoke his voice was more hoarse than it had been before. “I’ll be fine, stop worrying.”

“Bucky, for me, come on, two days, if it doesn’t actually get better go in for me?”

“Oh my god, you’re such a worry wart, fine, I promise, two days, if it doesn’t get better, which it will.”

Steve nodded, satisfied by the promise. “I know you think it will, and if it does that’s even better, but just in case it doesn’t. You know I would have dragged you there as soon as it started if I was there.”

Bucky smiled at him again, his eyes soft even through the residual pain. “I know, and if you were here I wouldn’t have put up a fight. But you’re not here, and that sucks.”

“I know it does, it does for me too. But I’ll talk to you again soon, okay? I’ll have Sam send you something.”

“I’m looking forward to it. I love you, Steve, I miss you.”

I love you too, Bucky.

“I miss you, baby, I think of you everyday. Feel better, okay? Try some honey lavender tea, too.”

“Okay, I will.”

Hitting the end call button sucked, he wanted to keep talking, not to have to cut short their few moments of being together, even if only through a screen. 

But he had a business to run, and hopefully they’d have more time after their next meeting. 

— % —

Bucky was sick for another three days, and, as promised, allowed Nat to take him to urgent care two days after talking to Steve. The nurse checked his lungs, his temperature, all the normal stuff, handed him a prescription for some higher grade cough medicine, told him to sleep propped up, and guided him out the door. 

He’d spent the taxi ride home texting Sam, asking him to forward the picture of the care instructions to Steve, proving that he’d actually gone. Sam of course was an asshole and wouldn’t do it without complaining about the ‘talking to’ he’d gotten from Steve about the sketches. Bucky argued that he should have gotten a lot more than a talking to, and if Steve had given him permission Bucky would have laid into him. Sam was a lucky bastard. 

Nat had refused to let him out of bed when they’d gotten home, so he was stuck in it for another day until it cleared. But she kept promising to bring him some tea, scoffing at his request for honey and lavender, but brewing some ‘Steve tea’ anyway. She was great. 

So now he was just laying in bed for the fifth day in a row, scrolling his phone, waiting for his cough to completely clear even though he was feeling so much better. He wasn’t quite propped up like the doctor had told him, but considering it was just a recovering cold at this point he opted for comfort and snuggled up to his body pillow instead. 

While he was scrolling and waiting for some more tea, messenger pinged at him. 

He rolled his eyes when Sam’s name popped up, but when he opened it he was glad he hadn’t ignored it. 

It was another picture of a sketch, this time obviously not taken by Sam. 

Usually Sam held the paper up to the light, his dark skin standing out against the page where he held it, normally in the corner. This one was taken a lot more carefully, laid flat, using a flash so there were no shadows. 

Bucky instantly decided this was one of his favorites. 

It was him, just like most of the others had been, but it also featured parts of Steve, which had been rare so far. He was reclined against the arm of the couch, facing the front of the page, with his feet disappearing at the bottom of the page, but obviously propped in someone’s-Steve’s- lap. One of Steve’s hands rested on his leg, while the other reached further up and was holding Bucky’s. The image had a certain feeling of comfort and contentment, his face was open, happy, their hands were firm but relaxed against his hip. He could imagine that he’d just cracked a joke, or said something sarcastic, and was simply watching Steve react to it. They were clearly focused on each other, ignoring the room around them. It was relaxed, but intimate. It was beautiful. 

He’d never thought of himself as beautiful. 

But Steve did. And it showed.

Another ping told him there was another message, but he took another moment to appreciate the sketch before he swiped it away. There was another picture, but this time it was of a handwritten note, again taken with a flash so it was clear and the writing was legible. 

You told me which one was your favorite so far, I figured I’d share my own favorite. I already told you that I miss our movie/game nights, and how much they meant to me, but they didn’t just matter to me because it was relaxing. They mattered to me because it was relaxing with you , because I got the chance to really know you, to learn who you are, to understand how you’d come to mean so much to me in such a short time. Those moments where we shared a joke, or you said something dumb about the movie, or told me that I’m old, I remember all of them. I couldn’t get your eyes right, but hopefully I’ll get better practice some day. I miss you. I’m glad you’re feeling better. Yours, Steve .

It was the first of many sketches he got, and he looked forward to each one. He couldn’t ever figure out the pattern for when he got one, Sam had been pretty consistent with about two a week. But Steve’s were random, sometimes having long notes attached, and sometimes nothing but the picture, sometimes he got a couple a week, sometimes he didn’t even get one per week. He saved each one to his phone so he could scroll through them as often as he wanted. 

One of them featured him leaning against a bar, propped against his hip, with a flirty smile lifting his lips. It was obviously an approximation of their first meeting, the tie around his neck giving that away, even though the top wasn’t quite the same as the one he’d worn. 

There was another one of him lying in a bed, but this time he was reaching out toward the page, a pout pushing his lips out, clearly begging Steve to come back to bed. He’d done that a lot when Steve had needed to leave for work earlier than him. Steve had drawn him elegant and soft, it was different than he’d felt in the moment, but again it showed Steve’s vision.

Several of them were just portraits of him in different positions with different expressions. One where he was staring contentedly upward, one where he was looking down, obviously embarrassed, and another flirty one, where he was holding a drink to his lips while he smirked. 

Bucky treasured them all. They became a lifeline, and when Sam’s messages didn’t include a picture it was more disappointing than he’d ever let on. 

He counted the days down to their next video meeting, excited by the possibility of more time with Steve, even if it didn’t include any sexy times like Steve had hinted. He just missed the man, and he would take anything he could get at this point. 

He went through the daily motions, checking in with his team, getting takeout with Nat and Clint, watching a new movie in theaters, laundry, cleaning, all the mundane things that meant life. But he made sure to keep his phone close at all times, just in case. Movie nights were spent stalking Steve’s Facebook and scrolling through his growing collection of sketches. He loved his job, but it became a way to pass the time, another shift over, another shift closer to seeing Steve again.

Which was why, when the scheduled meeting finally alerted on his calendar, it was pretty disappointing when Monty was the only one on. They chatted for a few minutes, waiting, until Monty finally shrugged. 

“I’m not sure where Steve is, he hasn’t emailed me or anything saying he was going to be late. Perhaps we should just get on with it and see if he shows up later?”

Steve never got on. Sam never messaged with an explanation. So Bucky just did his job, scheduling another meeting for early July, offering to confirm by email and cc Steve so he could remain in the loop. 

When the meeting was over Bucky messaged Sam, but Sam said he didn’t know anything. It was disheartening and Bucky tried not to let his emotions get the best of him. Steve didn’t have an obligation to show up for the meeting, and there had to be some good explanation. Steve wouldn’t miss seeing him for anything less than a problem. Right?

Two days later he got two sketches from Sam, along with a rather long handwritten note. The note explained that there had been an accident with a crane at one of his other job sites and that had kept him busy for several days and he hadn’t had the chance to let Monty know about it. It was a good excuse, obviously a major problem, but it meant another two months before they’d have another excuse to talk. The apology was beautiful, as were the sketches, and Steve promised he wouldn’t miss the next meeting.

In early June Clint found him in the living room, watching a movie he wasn’t paying attention to. He’d just posted his two hundred and fiftieth “I love my life” challenge post, and it had made him a little sad. He hoped Steve was still reading them and hearing his hidden message.

“Hey, JB, I need your help with something.”

Bucky reached for the remote to mute the tv and raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Clint glanced around, looking nervous, but they were the only ones there, Nat busy with one of her dance clients. “Will you go shopping with me? I just don’t want to mess this up, ya know?”

Bucky frowned, confused. “Sure, what are you shopping for?”

Finally Clint sat down next to him, pulling out his phone. “She’s talked to me about some styles that she likes, but it’s also really hard cause I want it to be perfect, and she’s not exactly a diamond girl, ya know?”

Bucky started smiling and only grinned wider when Clint finally showed him his screen. A jewelry store page was open, displaying engagement rings. “Are you serious? You’re finally gonna ask her?”

Clint shrugged, smiling but still nervous. “I want to, I mean moving in together has always been a little bit of a test, and it’s been like three years, I really want to marry her. I just don’t know if she wants to yet, but the other day she was talking about jewelry and how she wants more, and I don’t know if that was just an observation or an actual hint to me, but…” 

Bucky laughed, still grinning. “Dude, that is awesome! Even if it wasn’t a hint, you really think she’d say no?”

Clint was anxiously scrolling the website, frowning. “No? I think she’ll say yes, hopefully? I don’t know, she’s so hard to read sometimes, and when we first got together she had this idea that marriage was stupid and she always said she would never, but then we went to her cousins wedding earlier this year and she kept pointing things out and how she would have done it differently if it was her wedding, so I guess she’s changed her mind? I’ve been thinking about it since then, but I really want to give it a try.”

Bucky chuckled again, reaching for Clint’s phone and taking it away. “Hey, look at me, even if she said no, would it change anything about your relationship? If she says no, is that a dealbreaker for you?”

That gave him something to think about, but finally Clint shook his head. “No, I don’t think I’d care, I haven’t so far, it’d just be one of those nice things to add, ya know?”

“So ask her, and if she says no tell her it doesn’t matter and you still want to be with her, and keep everything like it is.” Bucky scrolled through the rings displayed, slightly impressed by the amount of options that had non traditional stones. “But we should actually go shopping for sure, cause looking at stuff online is never the same as in store.”

So they did, a couple days later when Nat was busy again they rode the train into Manhattan and took their time browsing different jewelry stores. Clint agonized over style, going back and forth constantly. “I feel like she’s a pretty simple woman, ya know, but maybe with something like this she’ll want a fancier one.”

“That’s probably true, but depending on the stone you use that could change, some of the flashier stones could be set in a simpler ring and still look fancy.” Bucky leaned over a case of black diamonds, set mostly in white gold. “Black diamonds are so cool, look at this one, that would fit her style really well.”

Clint pursed his lips, tilting his head side to side. “Black diamonds definitely fit her style. But her hands are so pale, especially in the winter, maybe something brighter?”

It wasn’t until their third store that Clint came to a stop in front of a case of emerald rings. “Oh hell, why didn’t I think of emeralds? These would be perfect.”

Bucky quickly stepped over to him, nodding with a smile. “The emerald and the gold would look great against her hair for sure.”

The salesperson quickly stepped up, pulling out the tray. After some more discussion, a couple of winces at the prices, and going back and forth a few more times, Clint finally nodded. “Yeah, I think this is perfect, it’s simple enough without being plain. What do you think, JB?”

It was definitely one of the simple ones, an emerald cut into a rectangle surrounded by smaller diamonds, with three darker diamonds in the shape of leaves sprouting from the center, set in what the sales lady called honey gold. It was eye-catching without being ostentatious. 

Bucky slapped Clint on the back, grinning at him. “I think she’ll love it. It’s beautiful.”

“Just like her.” Clint had a big smile for the rest of the transaction, slipping the simple box into a pocket so he could hide it without Nat getting suspicious. 

Helping Clint plan an engagement made the rest of the month fly by, and by the time Clint and Nat crashed into the apartment, laughing and kissing, Clint tossing a “she said yes!” at Bucky before falling into their bedroom, there were only two more days to wait until the scheduled meeting he’d been looking forward to. 

The day of the meeting he made sure to wear Steve’s tie, setting himself up in his office with Jarvis projecting the video. He'd wanted to curl his hair for Steve, but had resisted the temptation and pulled it into his usual professional ponytail. 

Steve looked great on the other side, maybe a little tired, but smiling and talking throughout the meeting. Bucky did his job, he was a professional, but he couldn’t be blamed if he got distracted a couple of times. Steve had his sleeves rolled to his elbows, with his tie loose and his collar popped open at his throat. It was a good look, a great look. 

By the time business concluded Bucky was more than ready to get Steve to himself, in whatever limited capacity he could at this point. 

But for the first time Monty wasn’t in a rush to get off, instead taking a moment to sit back and ask about Steve’s divorce. 

“Your trial is set for next month, isn’t it?”

Steve sat back as well, one hand rubbing across his chin. “Yeah, just about five weeks from now, we’re getting the last bit of prep done and hopefully it’ll all be over soon.”

“So that means we’ll actually get our CEO back in person soon?” Monty grinned, but the question was also obviously a serious one. 

Steve smiled in return. “Yeah, I’ll hopefully be back soon after that, depending on how it goes. I haven’t even considered a timeline yet because everything depends on the outcome of the trial.”

Monty mentioned how that might affect a few of their other projects and that led to more chatting, none of which was interesting or relevant to Bucky. But he wouldn’t be getting off before Monty, even if he had to wait all day. 

He didn’t have to wait that long, thankfully, before Steve was gently giving Monty a task and asking him to follow up later with it. It was a pretty smooth way to get him off the call without straight up asking him. Bucky certainly wouldn’t have had that kind of tact, which is probably why Steve was the CEO and Bucky was just an engineer. 

Steve smiled at him through the camera when Monty’s screen finally went black. 

“Hi, sweetheart. How’re you doing?”

Bucky grinned and leaned forward, propping his head on one hand as Jarvis backed the projection up to accommodate his new position. “I’m good. Happy birthday, daddy.”

Chuckling, Steve leaned forward to mirror Bucky. “It’s not till tomorrow, Buck, but I’m impressed you remembered.”

“Of course I remembered, it’s an important day, you’re becoming even more of an old man. I just wish I could spend it with you. I missed it last year.”

“I know, Sam’s taking me out but I’d much prefer to spend it with you.” Steve smiled softly at him, and Bucky was glad he’d chosen to conference from here. Jarvis’s projection was a whole lot better than a computer screen. “It’s crazy that it’s already been a year, though, huh?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, it’s insane, the end of September will be a whole year since you left.”

“I’m hoping to be back by then, if all goes according to plan.”

“We could spend that anniversary together, since we missed our first year.”

Steve frowned for a minute, obviously thinking. “I don’t even remember that date, baby, it was spring though, sometime, wasn’t it?”

“Yup,” Bucky smiled reassuringly. “It was sometime in March, I don't remember the day either, but it was a couple weeks after my birthday, maybe early April at the latest.”

“We’ll celebrate it next year, how’s that?”

“Okay,” The fact that Steve was making future plans made the reality of Steve coming back that much sharper. “You really think it’ll be over next month, then?”

That made Steve sigh, shrugging a little. “I don’t know, like I told Monty, there’s not really a way to tell, but Matt is confident, and as long as we don’t have any surprises the day of we should be good.”

“I’m excited to see you again.” He leaned forward a little more, wanting to get closer to the man he missed so much. “It’s been too long.”

“I know, I miss you a lot, Buck.” Steve sighed, looking down for a moment. “I might not be able to come back instantly. I want to, and I’m gonna try my best, but it might be a few days so I can get everything in order. Matt said it could take up to sixty days for the divorce to process after the trial, hopefully it won’t take that long, but I want it to really be over before I come back.”

Bucky wished he could reach forward and smooth out the wrinkle between Steve’s eyes. “Hey, Steve, look at me?”

He waited until Steve’s bright eyes met his through the camera. 

“You take as long as you need. This has sucked for me, but I know that it’s been worse for you. I’m not gonna rush you through any of this, okay? I understand that you’re literally changing your life, everything was turned upside down for you, and that’s hard, especially after so long in one relationship. You take any time you need, I’ve waited this long, a few extra weeks aren’t going to kill me. If you need some time to get things straight, either in your head or actual arrangements, do it. Don’t worry about me, okay? I’m here for you , like I always have been.”

Steve nodded, then his lips came up in a small smile. “I’m not really looking to ‘get straight’, you know. Never have been straight, and don’t want to try that again anyway.”

Bucky paused, caught off guard by the humor. Then he started laughing, tipping forward to lay his head on his desk. “Oh my god, Steve, I was being serious! Come on, gay jokes, really?.”

He heard Steve’s laughter through the speakers, and could almost imagine Steve pulling him close, pressing those chuckles into his neck, comfortable and content. 

After Steve got his laughter under control his smile turned reassuring. “I know, baby, I know you were serious, and I am so grateful. I’m gonna come back to you as soon as I can, I promise.”

Bucky smiled back at him, content with finally being able to talk to him again. “Have I said I love you yet?”

“Hm, I don’t think so, I would’ve remembered that.”

“I love you, so much, and I’m serious. Sometimes when I think about how much I love you I get overwhelmed, cause I’ve never felt like this before, with anyone, you’re so wonderful, and I’m so glad I get to be with you. I love you.”

Steve stared at him through the camera for a long moment before one hand came up to rub across his chin. “I miss you so damn much, baby, you don’t even know, thinking about you gets me through my day. Just another few weeks and I’ll come back to you, I promise.”

“I know, I can’t wait. I miss you, daddy.”

After that the conversation got lighter, everything they weren’t saying still very apparent, but pushed to the background. This was the first time they’d actually talked in nearly three months and it would be the last time they talked before Steve’s trial. They’d been apart for nearly ten months, pulled away just at the moment when they’d really gotten close. It pulled at Bucky’s emotions, excitement and yearning making the time they had feel that much shorter. 

Bucky told Steve all about Clint and Nat’s engagement, showing him a picture of the ring Clint had picked. Steve told him about Riley’s new niece, born just a month before, and how excited they’d all been when they’d had the chance to visit. By the time Steve’s phone buzzed at him they’d had the chance to fill each other in on most of the important things, teasing and joking like they always had. Talking to Steve had always been easy, it was the hanging up that was hard, and this time was no different. 

“Alright, sweetheart, that’s Matt, I gotta jump on a call with him, sort a few things out for court.”

He pouted, anticipating that, but not any happier about it. “Already?”

Steve chuckled at him, raising an eyebrow. “It’s been nearly an hour and a half. Aren’t you supposed to be working anyway?”

“I am working!” Bucky sat up, putting one hand to his chest in mock offense. “I am on a very important call with the architect for our current project. It’s taking some time to work out the issues with our current arrangements, but I think we’re doing a very good job discussing the problems, thank you very much.”

Steve straight up laughed at him, one hand coming up to his chest as he threw his head back. 

Bucky watched him with a smile, rolling his eyes when he didn’t stop laughing.

Finally Steve got a hold of himself, still grinning as he shook his head. “Just because you can put it into fancy corporate speak doesn’t mean you’re actually doing your job, Buck.”

He just shrugged, throwing the older man another smirk. “Is there a rulebook for that sort of thing, or are you making stuff up now? The rules I read clearly stated that as long as I can make it sound good nobody’ll care.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “What am I supposed to do with you, huh?”

Bucky took a bit of a risk and smiled softly back at him. “Love me even when I’m being silly?”

He didn’t expect Steve to go soft, staring at him for another moment before he responded, even though it wasn’t really a response. “Just another few weeks, I’ll come back to you as soon as I can, okay? And then we won’t have to use corporate meetings as an excuse to talk.”

It wasn’t the response he’d wanted, but he had stopped hoping for Steve to say I love you back to him after their last night together. It’d come eventually or it wouldn’t. Steve had enough on his plate without any of Bucky’s expectations or hopes adding to it. 

With that in mind he nodded, making sure to keep eye contact so Steve wouldn’t sense his disappointment. “Yeah, sounds like a dream. I can’t wait.”

They signed off and Bucky spent a few minutes staring into space. Talking to Steve had always been refreshing, even back when they’d had hard discussions, Bucky had always felt better after hearing Steve’s voice. 

It didn’t matter that Steve didn’t love him yet. He was just getting divorced after a traumatic relationship, it’d take time for him to be ready for something new. Bucky could be patient. And if Steve was treating him like this without loving him, he couldn’t imagine how love would change things. It was sure to be worth the wait. 

Those thoughts still swirled through his mind as he finished the day and made his way home. But they were abruptly pushed aside when he got there, finding Clint and Natasha sitting together on the couch, looking up at him expectantly. 

He set his laptop bag down carefully, pulling his earbuds out of his ear. “Hey, what’s up?”

Nat glanced at Clint before taking a deep breath. “So we have an announcement, then some bad news, and then some good news. What did you want to hear first?”

He raised an eyebrow, trying not to look at them like they were crazy. “I already know you’re engaged, I helped pick out the ring, remember?”

Clint grinned, glancing down at the ring on Nat’s finger before speaking. “Nah, it’s something else. It’s pretty big too, though. You wanna sit down?”

Bucky slowly stepped to the love seat, sitting on the edge. What else could have happened while he was at work? Something that could be on the same level as an engagement? “Alright, lay it on me. What’s going on?”

— % —

“You ready for this?” Sam stepped up to him and brushed his palms across Steve’s shoulders, dusting imaginary lint from his jacket. His expression said it was meant to calm him. 

He nodded, taking another breath. “Yeah, I just gotta let Matt and Foggy do their thing. You’re gonna have to get on the stand, though, are you ready for that?”

“Course I am, it’s not like it’s gonna be hard, just tellin’ the truth.” Sam gripped his shoulder and smiled reassuringly. “It’s gonna be done by today, and you’ll be able to move on.”

If Steve was being honest that’s what was making him most anxious. He’d put a lot of weight on this day, against his better judgment he’d allowed himself to look at this day as the last one, without knowing the outcome. If they ended up needing another day in court he wasn’t sure if he’d survive till then. He wanted it to be done. 

Foggy came up to them smiling. “They’re ready for us. We already told you this is gonna be different than the hearing, instead of having multiple cases today is just about yours. So as soon as we go in we’re going up to the floor, we’re at the table on the left, so just go right up, we’ll be right behind you. Sam, you’ll need to be on the front row of the spectator benches, so when they call for your witness you’ll be close.”

They nodded, and Steve took another breath. His hands wanted to fidget, but he resisted that urge, along with the urge to stuff them into his pockets. He needed to look composed and capable, and he pulled out every skill he’d learned as a CEO to give that appearance.

Foggy reached up to squeeze his arm. “I know you have a lot riding on this, we’re gonna do our best to make sure this gets settled today, just answer any questions she asks you, make eye contact, and ignore anything Peggy does to rile you up.”

He nodded again and they stepped over to join Matt who was just turning away from a conversation with someone else. Foggy offered his arm to help guide Matt into the courtroom. 

“Steve?”

“Yeah, right here.”

Matt gripped his arm in the reassuring way that was by now very familiar. “We’ll do our jobs in there, your job is to look professional and composed. She’s bound to play a card that will unsettle you, don’t let her succeed in that. I really think this will be the end of it, so keep your head up.”

Steve patted his hand in return, nodding even though the man couldn’t see it. “Yeah, okay, I’m real glad you guys are with me.”

Matt nodded and Foggy smiled. Then they all stepped into the courtroom. 

Peggy and her lawyer were already seated at their table, Daniel was sitting on the first bench directly behind her. Steve kept his eyes forward, not looking her way as he pushed past the swinging door and onto the court floor. 

The hearing, all those months ago, had been hard, but he remembered every detail. He’d been tuned in, thinking, listening, paying attention. But today wasn’t like that.

As soon as they sat down after the judge entered it was like his brain decided to take a break. Everything blurred, and the only thing his mind would focus on was how his body was reacting. He kept himself still, one hand resting motionless on the table, the other on his thigh, laid flat so it didn’t move. His legs were still as he pushed past the temptation to bounce his knee, but that took actual effort, the only effort his brain seemed capable of. 

He watched through the fog of his mind as Sam was eventually sworn in and gave his testimony, Howard was called next. Each time Schmidt, then Matt got up to ask questions. He didn’t hear any of them. Occasionally he remembered to look at Foggy, judging his expression to see how they were doing. Foggy smiled at him each time, occasionally patting his knee. Peggy’s witness was her mother, which his mind finally recognized as strange, considering the woman wasn’t a citizen, but he didn’t have enough focus to ask Foggy about it, so he just kept quiet and still. 

There was a moment of surprise, Foggy began shuffling papers, then turned to ask him a question, which he answered on autopilot without really understanding what it was. Sam got their attention by leaning forward and placing a hand on the barrier, and whatever he said made Foggy nod quickly, apparently satisfied. 

The next thing he registered was the palm of Matt’s hand hitting the table hard, the noise made him jump, and the judge quickly called Matt to order. He hadn’t heard what had been so objectionable, but apparently it was settled after some loud talking, interrupted by Peggy’s attorney, but finally settled in a way that made Foggy nod sharply with a smirk. 

It felt like hours passed before the tension in the courtroom broke after the judge left the room. Sam was reaching forward to grab his shoulder over the railing as Foggy turned toward him. 

“Hey, what’s going on, you okay?”

Steve nodded absently, trying to focus to bring his mind back online. “I’m fine, are we done?”

Foggy looked at him, worry in the lines of his forehead. “No, we’re not, this is just a recess. Peggy started crying so they’re giving her time to get herself together.”

“Steve, what’s going on, what’s happening in your head?”

It took effort to look at Sam and think through the fog. “I’m okay, just… I can’t think too much right now without getting overwhelmed.”

Foggy’s forehead smoothed and he nodded reassuringly. “That’s normal, these kinds of cases take a lot out of people. That’s why we’re here, we’re doing the thinking so you don’t have to. How much have you heard?”

Steve shook his head. “What made Matt so mad? And why would Peggy be crying?”

Sam was suddenly at his shoulder, much closer than before. When had he stepped around the railing? It was comforting to have him so close, especially when he put his hand on his shoulder, it was a warm point of contact, grounding. 

“Schmidt kept twisting things trying to get their way, he went a little too far and Matt took offense. It settled in our favor so unless you want them I’ll spare you the details.”

Steve nodded, not sure he could even retain details at this point. “We knew he was going to do something like that?”

“Yup, we prepared for it. Peggy’s crying is most likely staged, trying to get sympathy from Judge Taylor. It won’t work, though, if it was another judge it might, but Taylor doesn’t like that nonsense.”

Another automatic nod. “Is it gonna be over today?”

Foggy’s smile grew, and Matt was nodding where Steve could see him over Foggy’s shoulder. “Yes, we’ve already worked through everything regarding your business and the two remaining vehicles. The debt you guys share took some debating, that was when Matt got loud, and we’re moving onto the property next. It’ll probably only be another couple of hours before everything’s decided, we’ve got the property, all of the small things within the properties, and the financial investments you took out together. We’ll be done today for sure.”

Sam squeezed his shoulder, and Steve tried to relax. “Good, good.”

“Hey, do you need to step outside? We could go walk around for a bit, we’ve got another ten minutes at least.”

He shook his head at that. If he left he wouldn’t want to come back. “I’m okay, Sam, just overwhelmed.”

“Focus on your breathing, ground yourself into the moment, it’ll keep your mind from going foggy.”

Well, it was far too late for that, but Steve nodded anyway, his breathing automatically following the now familiar pattern his therapist had taught him. Sam was pulling something out of his jacket and slipping it into Steve’s hand. 

“I know we’re not supposed to bring food in here, but the taste will help ground you as well.”

It was a stick of gum and Steve automatically put it in his mouth, following directions so he didn’t have to think too hard.

Foggy turned away to talk to Matt, but Sam stayed close, crouching next to Steve’s chair. They didn’t talk, but Sam was breathing more obviously than he needed to, giving Steve something to match. 

By the time Judge Taylor came back in he was feeling more settled, or at least not drifting as much as he had been.

He still didn’t try to focus on the specifics of what was happening. He trusted Matt and Foggy to do their job, and he hated the sound of Schmidt’s voice, so he kept his mind focused on his breathing, let the now stale taste of the gum center him, and only spoke when he was directly addressed. 

He did finally have the presence of mind to find the wall clock that was placed high on the wall in the corner of the courtroom. This was an afternoon session, just like their hearing, so they had until four thirty to finish their case. It was just past two thirty now. Had they really only been here for two hours? It felt like so much longer. But he knew when it would be over. And he held onto that like a lifeline. 

By the time three thirty rolled around there had been several sharp nods from Foggy, another outburst, this time by Peggy’s attorney which ended with Foggy shaking his head and muttering, and Sam had been called to the stand one more time, but Steve hadn’t paid attention to why. 

At about the same time Foggy had handed him a paper tissue and he’d been confused for a moment, before realizing Foggy had remembered the stale gum he was chewing, even though he’d practically forgotten. It was a relief to discreetly spit it out.

Finally just before four o’clock the judge made some intense eye contact with both him and Peggy, shuffled some papers, then made some closing statements. The bang of her gavel startled Steve a little, but when he realized what it meant it felt like someone had yanked the floor out from under him.

It was over. 

No matter what the outcome had been, no matter what he’d gotten from it. 

It was over. 

He stood automatically, still stunned, as Judge Taylor left the room, then automatically followed Foggy and Nelson out, not surprised when they pulled him to the side to let Peggy out the doors first. They’d let Peggy get to the cameras first both times before, so it made sense to do it again. 

Sam was grinning. “How you feelin’? You okay?”

Steve nodded, the fog not quite cleared yet. “Yeah, it’s over, right?”

Matt gripped his arm again, squeezing gently. “It’s over, you’re all done. Settlement needs to happen within fourteen days, but we’ll make sure Peggy knows it all goes through us, you won’t have to be involved in any of that. And within sixty days of the settlement completion Judge Taylor will sign the papers, she normally does it a lot faster than that, though, so I’d say it would be safe to hope for everything to be done by the end of the month.”

His eyes stung as the reality finally hit him. His next breath was shaky and Sam pulled him into an embrace. He gripped the back of Sam’s suit, blinking when his sight went a little blurry. 

“Oh my god, Sam…” 

“I know,” Sam’s voice was quiet in his ear and his arms tightened around Steve’s shoulders. “I know, you did it, man, it’s all over, you’re done, you can move on. You really showed her.” 

“Oh my god,” A sense of wonder floored him as an invisible weight fell from his shoulders.

“It’s alright, take a few more breaths. I know you weren’t paying attention, but I think you came out on top, and I know that doesn’t really matter right now, but you succeeded, man. You didn’t let her walk all over you, you did it.”

When he finally pulled away Foggy and Matt were smiling. Matt patted his arm again. “Whenever you’re ready there’s a car where we had it last time, at the east sidewalk, you can bypass everything on your way.”

He nodded automatically, and they started moving toward the doors. 

But when he caught sight of the cameras on the steps, Peggy’s green dress bright in the sunshine, he knew he couldn’t just sidestep it this time. 

Foggy didn’t seem surprised when he slowed to a stop between the sets of glass doors. 

“Did you want to leave with a statement this time?”

Sam looked surprised, but Steve finally nodded. 

“Yeah, I don’t know what to say, but… I don’t want to leave everything to speculation anymore. Is that okay?”

Foggy reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a folded paper. “I figured you might have that idea, so we wrote some items down. The shorter, the better, so you can pick one, maybe two, or you can wing it and see what happens. Don’t get too carried away, but I think letting them know where you stand is a great idea.”

Steve unfolded the paper, scanning the few bullet points listed. When he got to number three he knew that’s what he wanted his statement to be about. 

Short and sweet. He could do that. 

Handing the paper back to Foggy, he nodded, gathering his courage. “Okay, let’s finish this.”

He pushed open the last glass door, and felt the warm breeze sweep through him. He could feel the rush of nerves as he moved down the stairs, but they were counteracted by the knowledge that he was free. The others broke away from him and moved to the side, but he kept going. He could do this. 

Getting the attention of the microphones and cameras was much easier than he’d anticipated. They almost pushed Peggy and Daniel to the side in their rush to ask questions. 

Finally one of the female reporters waved a hand and cut across the noise of everyone else. “Mr. Rogers, do you have any statements you’d like to make about the divorce proceedings?”

Taking a deep breath he focused on short and sweet. 

“I do, just one. This last year has been a lot harder than I thought it would be, due to the divorce proceedings I made the decision to relocate to the D.C. area, but that removed me from my company, from familiar surroundings, and from the support system I’d gained here in New York. It was an adjustment. But I am grateful for the insight that it gave me.” 

He could practically hear the blood rushing past his ears, but he took another deep breath and kept going. This was important. 

“They say hindsight’s twenty-twenty, and looking back on the decade of my marriage, I’d have to agree. Coming down these steps I am lighter than I have been for over a decade, I am finally free of the judgment and the scrutiny that I was subject to for the entire duration of my marriage. I know we as a society shy away from stories of men who were subject to domestic abuse, but I’m not going to keep quiet about mine.”

That last sentence caused a riot of noise from the reporters as they rushed to ask more questions, but when he held up his hand, silently praying that it wasn’t visibly shaking, they went quiet again. 

“I have always considered myself a strong person, and because of that I never stopped to consider why I was being made to feel such negative emotions. I didn’t even recognize that I was being manipulated and shown a different view from reality. I was incredibly lucky to have people in my life who shared their own stories,” His mind cut to Bucky and his tearful gaze when he’d shared his own struggles. “They gave me understanding and helped me know that I wasn’t alone. They gave me strength, strength to move forward and stand up for myself. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be on these steps today.”

Short and sweet, short and sweet. 

But then an idea hit him and he knew he couldn’t ignore it. The logistics would come later.

“I know there are many people who are victims of spousal and domestic abuse, some of them may be listening or watching this interview. I know that there’s a national domestic abuse hotline, and I know there are people on that hotline who are willing to help those who struggle as victims. But I will also be starting my own foundation, funded by my company, Rogers Architecture and Design, and others who may be willing to donate to it. This foundation will help those who don’t have the means to escape domestic abuse. I was lucky to be in a position where I could hire an amazing lawyer and remove myself physically to safety. But there are those who aren't that lucky, and this foundation will be available to those who need it, it will help them find safe places to live while also giving them access to legal aid they may need to remove themselves permanently from their abusers. There are people who need help, I needed help, and when I needed help there were people in my life who were there to give me insight and strength, and when I thought I’d lost all hope, there was someone who let me borrow some from them.”

Another deep breath, all the important things were said. He just needed to finish. 

“I want those who are victims of abuse to remember that there is someone like that for you, someone cares for you, someone wants you around, don’t lose hope because of one person who doesn’t understand your value. For those who are interested or need more information on the domestic abuse hotline, or the foundation I mentioned, you can follow my twitter, where I’ll be posting more information on both by the end of today. Thank you.”

He nodded sharply, putting up a hand again when more questions were thrown at him. His breathing had sped up and he focused on deep breaths as he pushed past the reporters and headed toward where Sam, Matt, and Foggy were waiting for him at the edge of the sidewalk.

Matt was smiling broadly, Foggy was nodded proudly, and Sam was laughing. 

When he got closer Sam punched the air and let out a cheer. 

“Yeah! Man, that was awesome!” 

He went willingly when Sam yanked him into a hug, squeezing him tightly as he kept laughing. 

“That was amazing! Did you see Peggy’s face? Man, I hope one of the cameras was pointed her way cause that was priceless!”

Sam pulled away so he could shake Steve as he grinned, but instantly pulled him back into a hug. “I never thought you’d come out and say it, but I’m proud of you! And the foundation! That’s such a great idea!”

Steve laughed with him, infected by his excitement. His hands were still shaking from the adrenaline but he gripped Sam back just as tightly. 

He was also at the perfect angle to slant his eyes toward Peggy and Daniel. An angry flush was high on her cheeks and her gaze could only be described as a glare. Daniel was saying something to the cameras but his posture was obviously defensive and nervous. It only made his own laughter louder.

When Sam finally let him go Matt and Foggy were right there, both still smiling. 

“An excellent note to end on, we’ll take it from here and handle any other questions. The car will take you to your hotel, keep an eye out for an email from us in the next few weeks. Hopefully by the end of the month this nightmare will be behind you.”

Foggy was holding open a car door, and nodded at the back seat in invitation. “We’ll contact you if anything else happens, but it won’t, so the next thing you’ll hear from us is where to pick up your things from the settlement and how to get your official divorce papers. Congratulations, go home and rest.”

Sam pushed him inside, sliding in next to him, still laughing. “Man, I wish I could frame a picture of her face, that was so amazing.”

Steve leaned his head back, grinning. It was amazing. He hadn’t felt this light in years. 

Sam shoved his shoulder again excitedly, and Steve shoved him back, just as happy.

The car began to move through traffic and Sam slapped his knee purposefully. 

Steve tilted his head to grin at him. 

“So, you gonna call your boy? Let him know?”

He might have expected that question to dampen his mood, but it didn’t. His excitement softened as he thought about Bucky, but it didn’t make him sad. 

“Not yet.” At Sam’s baffled look he kept going. “It’s over, the hard part is done, but it’s not even official yet. This is the homestretch. I want it to be completely over before I see him again, I need it to be done completely.”

All of the plans he’d unconsciously made but refused to acknowledge, just in case it hadn’t wrapped up today, came rushing to the front of his mind. His apartment in D.C. technically had another two months on the lease, but he could let his landlord know he would be out of it by September first. If the judge hadn’t signed the papers by then he could always stay at Sam’s again. He’d let Fury know he’d be back in the office physically. He’d start looking for a different place to buy a house, maybe even in Brooklyn. He didn’t know if he’d won their apartment in Manhattan, but he didn’t want to keep it even if he had. 

And most importantly, he could start looking forward to seeing Bucky again. 

After he managed to calm down, and Sam also calmed down, he remembered to pull out his phone. 

His twitter was apparently getting a lot of traffic, and that was something else to add to the list. The logistics of starting a foundation were simple in theory, he’d just need to figure out which people to talk to. 

But that wasn’t what got his attention. 

He had several text messages, including one from Riley, but one text in particular was marked only by a necktie emoji. 

I am so fucking proud of you. You have no idea how much I wish I could have been on those steps right beside you. Whenever you’re ready, come back to me.

Steve’s eyes stung with tears and he considered replying. Obviously nobody cared who he communicated with anymore, and it would be easy to reply, easy to share how light he felt, and how much he owed Bucky for everything. 

But he needed to finish things first, this needed to be wrapped up and done. Then they could have their reunion. 

The thought of finally holding Bucky made his smile even bigger as Sam slapped his shoulder again.