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Chapter Text

Mo Ran has done a lot of stupid things in his life. He’s carefully hidden some of them, while others he keeps on display in some sort of proud show of self-depreciation. 

However, nothing has been as stupid as this.

It starts in a glitzy bar near his work. It’s dimly lit, filled with suits and drinks that are pleasantly strong and unpleasantly expensive. Mo Ran does not come here too often unless it is to entertain clients, or he’s asked to by someone he likes well enough. In this case it’s a mix of the two, as it is Mei Hanxue who has dragged him here after Sisheng, Kunlun Taxue, and Rufeng had another one of their marathon day-long meetings. 

Xue Meng will join them too once he tears himself away long enough from the mirror, but otherwise it’s not too grand an affair. Mei Hanxue just wants to prove that he can drink everyone under the table and lead them into making bad decisions. Since Xue Meng has yet to come, the sole burden of it currently falls upon Mo Ran.

“I’ll give you money to ask out the next person that walks through those doors,” Mei Hanxue says, and Mo Ran snorts as he takes another sip of the lukewarm neat whiskey. “If they say yes, I’ll give you one whole paycheck of mine.”

“So, pocket change to you,” Mo Ran says, licking his bottom lip as he sneaks a glance over the younger Mei brother’s shoulder. It’s not the most outrageous thing that Mei Hanxue has suggested within the night, but Mo Ran is rather comfortable in his seat. “Give me your allowance instead.”

Mei Hanxue sputters, slapping his hand over his mouth before he sprays his drink everywhere. He’s been drunk since the morning, but he’s finally letting it show. 

“Am I in primary?” Mei Hanxue wheezes, and Mo Ran half-heartedly pats his back.

It’s not that the money would be terrible, or that Mo Ran is above it. Each paycheck that Mei Hanxue receives that he claims is through hard work and not (entirely) nepotism, is worth double or triple of what Mo Ran earns. It’s just that Mo Ran’s a bit of a shit, and wants to annoy Mei Hanxue.

“Take it or leave it,” Mei Hanxue says, hiccuping lightly at the end of his sentence and Mo Ran rolls his eyes. He turns around in his barstool, surveying the door. The place isn’t too tightly packed, giving him a clear view of the door. It’s a popular place, so he doesn’t have to wait long.

The jingle of the door opening is lost in the din of the crowd. Mo Ran cranes his neck to see who’s come in, and almost drops his glass. He whips around to Mei Hanxue and says curtly, “Not him.”

“Hm?” Mei Hanxue peers over, and his eyes go wide before an absolutely shit-eating smile crosses his face. He doesn’t even bother with an over-saccharine “Why not?” because he can already see Mo Ran’s hackles start to rise.

“No,” Mo Ran warns before Mei Hanxue can open his mouth, and Mei Hanxue gives him a positively feline look. “Do you want me to die?”

It has been six months since Mo Ran has seen Chu Wanning. It has been on purpose. Ever since Chu Wanning moved up in the company to join the board of directors and oversee a different department, he’s not had any reason to terrorize Mo Ran at work. 

Yes, objectively, if Chu Wanning hadn’t spent years with his foot on Mo Ran’s neck, he could be someone Mo Ran would happily ask out, even as part of a wager. But high cheekbones, slender hands, an inspired jawline and a lithe waist that could stir one’s soul isn’t enough to smooth over the fact that Chu Wanning’s nickname for Mo Ran for the first few years of his employment seemed to be “Incompetent.” 

Sure, Mo Ran had remained optimistic at the start of his job, but as time wore on, his patience wore down, and the two of them came to blows more often than not. Once Chu Wanning had been promoted upwards in both position and office floor, Mo Ran made sure to give him a wide berth. 

“As I said, do you want me to fucking die?” Mo Ran repeats darkly, and  Mei Hanxue pretends to contemplate it. 

“For him, I’ll double what I said I’d give you,” Mei Hanxue says and Mo Ran raises an eyebrow. “What? If he says yes, it’d be one of mankind’s greatest accomplishments. Statues would be made in your honour.”

Mo Ran hides his frown in another sip of his drink before looking back at the crowd. Chu Wanning seems to have come there with some of the other higher ups, who undoubtedly want to see if the terrifying Director Chu can crack a smile. The answer is an emphatic no, but it seems it’s something that they have yet to learn as they enthusiastically usher him towards a table.

He doesn’t want to do it. As much as he would love to relieve Mei Hanxue of his money, he doesn’t want to risk getting slapped or dressed down in a bar full of people he meets in the hallways at work. 

“I think he’s going to go get drinks,” Mei Hanxue says. “That’s your chance.”

He doesn’t want to do it, Mo Ran repeats to himself. Just because he’s half drunk doesn’t mean he should lose all his senses in favour of some stupid bet. Mei Hanxue nudges his shoulder and Mo Ran swats him away, only to get shoved harder. 

“What the fuck,” Mo Ran hisses, unheard over the din of the bar. A small slap fight ensues between himself and Mei Hanxue, and Mo Ran decides that he’s going to blame Xue Meng for not coming fast enough to the bar to be the one getting harassed by the younger Mei brother. 

He’s unceremoniously pushed off the stool just as Chu Wanning slides up to the bar counter a few people down, not yet noticing Mo Ran. Mo Ran looks over his shoulder at Mei Hanxue, who gives him an awful, good for nothing look, and makes peace with the bad decision he’s about to make. 

“Fine,” Mo Ran grumbles, grabbing his suit jacket off the back of his chair. He glares at Mei Hanxue as he slides it on, and makes one last rude gesture before turning towards where Chu Wanning is waiting.

Chu Wanning is waiting silently, stock-still at the counter, as if he’s above making any sort of call or gesture whatsoever and that his mere presence should be enough to beckon the bartender to him. Much to Mo Ran’s chagrin, it works. Despite the crowd pressing against the counter, the bartender ambles over to Chu Wanning to take his order.

Mo Ran spots his window of opportunity once the bartender turns around and the person standing beside Chu Wanning moves away. Mentally steeling himself, Mo Ran slides into the empty spot beside the man.

It takes Chu Wanning a grand total of five seconds to realize that it is Mo Ran beside him. His eyes widen by a fraction before his face closes off completely, and Mo Ran can tell they’re off to a great start. He has no idea where to begin the conversation, so he starts it off with a safe, “I hear congratulations are in order.”

Chu Wanning doesn’t reply. Instead he raises a single knife-like eyebrow in Mo Ran’s direction.

“For your promotion,” Mo Ran adds, and Chu Wanning’s brows furrow.

“The one I got six months ago?” Chu Wanning replies, and though they have not had a conversation in that much time, his voice is as elegant and cold as Mo Ran remembers it. 

Mo Ran plows on with a grin, and gives what he hopes appears to be an appreciative once-over of Chu Wanning. It’s not hard; Chu Wanning isn’t very creative in the way that he dresses, but he has a strange penchant for wearing clothes that fit him in just the right ways. His black slacks and eggshell dress shirt are not particularly inspiring on their own, but the long legs and narrow waist they highlight are.

“I’ve been busy,” Mo Ran replies vaguely, and Chu Wanning gives him an indiscernible look as the bartender brings forth his drinks. Chu Wanning picks up the four drinks carefully in his two hands, and Mo Ran continues. “But I think we should catch up.”

“Catch up?” Chu Wanning says, not quick enough to hide the surprise in his voice. Mo Ran nods, grasping his glass hard enough that he hopes Chu Wanning doesn’t notice that he’s secretly sweating bullets. 

It is definitely Mo Ran’s doing that they have not seen each other since Chu Wanning’s promotion. He’s made sure to duck away in the hall as often as possible, and run the other way when he sees him get in an elevator. Even during the broader company meetings, he’s made sure to sit as far away from Chu Wanning as possible, ensuring that he doesn’t even breathe in the direction of the other man.

Vaguely, he is reminded of his first naive thought when he started at Sisheng. 

At that point, the new hires had been corralled into one office where the managers would pick who would join their team moving forward. Mo Ran had hoped that Chu Wanning would pick him, just because Chu Wanning looked kind and more importantly, had been  really attractive in his khakis and crisp blue dress shirt. Mo Ran’s wish had been granted, and it had been an excellent lesson in never letting himself think with his dick again.

It’s not particularly a lesson that has stuck, but that’s neither here nor there.

“Yeah, catch up,” Mo Ran responds. Then, lowering his voice by a half octave and delivering the words in a tone that cannot be mistaken, he says, “Let me take you out to dinner.”

Chu Wanning stares at him. Mo Ran stares back and does not bother to clarify further on the offer.

“...” Chu Wanning continues to look at Mo Ran like he’s sprouted a second head. Mo Ran kind of feels like he does. It must be the drinks he’s had so far but for a brief moment, he imagines what would happen if Chu Wanning actually says yes. 

Slowly, Chu Wanning pivots and marches away, straight-backed without as much as a glance behind. It’s rather impressive, the lack of time it takes for him to make it from where he had been standing beside Mo Ran just moments ago, to the table where he and his colleagues are.

“Good talk,” Mo Ran says to the empty space where Chu Wanning once was, and leaves as another person slots in.

He walks back to Mei Hanxue, both hands raised and mouth pressed in a tight line. Mei Hanxue gives him an exaggerated frown, reaching out to give Mo Ran another reassuring pat on the shoulder. Mo Ran ducks and slides back into his seat and says, “See?”

“I don’t think you tried hard enough,” Mei Hanxue says, plucking Mo Ran’s glass from his hand and replacing it with another one that’s full. “I think you could do a lot better than that, Senior Manager Mo.”

Mei Hanxue digs into the inside of his deep blue suit, pulls out a pen, and tugs a napkin towards himself. He concentrates for a moment as he writes, and Mo Ran downs his drink in one go.

He almost chokes on it— whatever Mei Hanxue had ordered is a lot stronger than the whiskey that he had been drinking earlier. It hits him hard enough to make his eyes water, and it’s only by sheer will to save face that he doesn’t spit it out. When Mo Ran swallows it down, the burn reaches his ears.

“Thanks for the drink,” he wheezes, and Mei Hanxue pushes a napkin towards him. The words and numbers swim in his vision for a moment, and Mo Ran has to blink rapidly to focus.

Mei Hanxue has written down three things— the amount of money he would give Mo Ran if he managed to land a date, land a kiss, and land in bed with Chu Wanning. Mo Ran goes bug-eyed at the amounts, and looks up at Mei Hanxue.

“Am I a gigolo?” Mo Ran asks, and Mei Hanxue laughs.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had anyone take up a legitimate challenge,” Mei Hanxue says, and Mo Ran wonders if maybe Mei Hanxue has been the one to spring a second head. For once, he feels active relief when he sees Xue Meng make his way through the crowd where the two of them are standing.

Mo Ran snatches the napkin out of Mei Hanxue’s hand just as Xue Meng approaches with a non-apology for being late. Mo Ran crumples the napkin and shoves it in his pocket, before reaching for another shot.

Unfortunately for Mo Ran, both he and Mei Hanxue instantly forget that they’ve already drunk a considerable amount upon Xue Meng’s arrival. They bully Xue Meng into buying the next couple of rounds to make up for his lateness and as the night progresses, they get absolutely plastered. 

A lot of the regular happens; Xue Meng fights with Mo Ran, Mo Ran mercilessly makes fun of him, Mei Hanxue gets distracted by a group of girls from the accounting department at Rufeng long enough to foot the bill for some of their drinks before they vanish into thin air, Mei Hanxue comes back with a good natured shrug to a bickering Mo Ran and Xue Meng, who seem to forget that this is a bar which their colleagues frequent. 

They drink more and while Xue Meng goes to the washroom, Mei Hanxue leans over and asks if Mo Ran has given thought to the wager. Mo Ran vocally ponders it and Mei Hanxue  tells him something that doesn’t actually make sense but in that moment, is a direct hit to his drunk pride. Mo Ran gets indignant — what Mei Hanxue had said, Mo Ran will never remember, but he remembers a lot of angry gesturing towards his own crotch — and tells Mei Hanxue that not only does he accept the challenge, but if he fails, he’ll pay Mei Hanxue double what Mei Hanxue promised to pay him.

Despite being blackout drunk near the end of the night, Mo Ran still remembers this part of setting the bet crisply. He does not doubt that Mei Hanxue won’t forget it either. The night had concluded with Mei Hanxue finally ditching them for one of his regular hookups and Mo Ran making out with some faceless stranger who claimed to be a tourist till Xue Meng had peeled him off and told him they’d need to share a car back because his phone was dead and he forgot his charger at home.

Mo Ran had been annoyed at Xue Meng, he thinks. He’s not sure. All the details are blurry save for one rather annoying one that he remembers in sharp relief the next morning, his alarm blaring for work. Mo Ran sits up, his entire body feeling like a well-abused pellet drum and his head feeling ten times heavier. 

He had managed to take his shirt and his belt off last night, but he’s still in his dress slacks from work. Mo Ran moves to slide them off, and finds a napkin in his pocket— the one that Mei Hanxue had originally offered. And on it, in his exceptionally drunken scrawl, Mo Ran has declared in writing that he’s taken the bet, and will owe Mei Hanxue if he fails.

Groaning, Mo Ran drops his leaden head in his hands. He can do his best to ignore it and pretend he doesn’t know what Mei Hanxue is talking about next time he brings it up. There’s not a high chance of it working; Mei Hanxue’s honour tends to fluctuate in matters like this, and Mo Ran has no doubt that he’ll want to hold him to this bet.

Alternatively, he could give it just one more shot, just to pad his bank and say he won. All he’d need to do is to convince Chu Wanning to go on a date with him; if he’s smart about it, Chu Wanning doesn’t even need to know it’s a date. The only thing that Mo Ran will need to do is to endure one dinner with a man that looks like he’d rather eat rocks than speak with him.

He can probably lie to Mei Hanxue about the kiss, and definitely lie about the sex. It’s not like Mei Hanxue is going to watch, or question Chu Wanning about it.

Hopefully.

…

Fuck.

Fine.

It looks like somehow, he’ll need to get Chu Wanning to go on a date with him.

After spending six months avoiding Chu Wanning, Mo Ran has refined the art well. It’s surprisingly easy and quick to unlearn it, now that he’s determined to hunt down Chu Wanning. In fact, it’s so incredibly easy that Mo Ran briefly ponders if he’s just manifested the presence of the dour man out of sheer will.

His morning is full of meetings that he leads while doing an impeccable job of pretending he’s not hung over. Sometime after he’s done, when he’s got a quick twenty minutes to grab lunch before going back to his office, he runs into Chu Wanning waiting silently at the elevators in the lobby. 

Mo Ran’s first instinct is to turn on his heel and take the stairs, but he remembers the wager, so he forces himself to keep walking. Chu Wanning is busy staring a hole into the wall across, and doesn’t notice Mo Ran till Mo Ran sidles up beside him, a shade too close for comfort.

“Excuse me—” Chu Wanning starts, but when he looks up and sees Mo Ran’s grinning face, he seems to do a double take. The elevator dings and Mo Ran gestures towards it.

“You first, Director Chu,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning clears his throat before marching in. Mo Ran looks around the hall as he follows him in; no one seems to be running for the elevator, meaning it’ll just be the two of them for at least a couple of floors.

Perfect.

Mo Ran allows a few moments of silence to lull Chu Wanning into a false sense of peace, before he breaks it with a hammer.

“Did you have fun at Miaoyin yesterday?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning makes an ambiguous sound. “It’s not a bad bar, but I never see you at it.”

Another noncommittal sound. Chu Wanning is not a man of many words but around Mo Ran, he seems to be a man of none. It does not surprise Mo Ran; Chu Wanning has given him the silent treatment plenty of times before, and Mo Ran has given him hell for it in turn for doing it in a professional environment.

“I had fun there,” Mo Ran adds, and Chu Wanning lets out a short laugh under his breath. “What?”

“I bet you did,” Chu Wanning finally speaks, his words flat and emotionless. Mo Ran frowns in confusion for a moment then grimaces inwards as he realizes that Chu Wanning was still in the same place as him as he let loose with Xue Meng and Mei Hanxue. 

Mo Ran clears his throat, and starts his play. “Would have been more fun if you stuck around us though.”

“In what way?” Chu Wanning asks, and Mo Ran opens his mouth before he realizes he can’t make up an answer that sounds both sincere and not obscenely inappropriate for work. He’ll blame at least part of that on the sludge of his hangover that his brain is still clawing its way out of.

“You know,” Mo Ran says, making a vague gesture. Chu Wanning looks decidedly unimpressed, but Mo Ran plots on.  “I wasn’t kidding when I said we should catch up. Would you like to go get some coffee after work with me today?”

Chu Wanning’s jaw clenches. It’s visible under the lighting of the elevator. Mo Ran had spent a lot of his time when he had started at Sisheng fawning over that jaw and the slender neck that succeeded it. Those fantasies had evolved into him imagining his hands around that throat, sometimes in sexual ways, sometimes angry ways, sometimes in a confusing combination of them both, fantasies he’s long suppressed.

But he can still have a healthy appreciation for the man’s profile.

“I’ve had enough coffee for the day,” Chu Wanning replies, just as the elevator dings. “This is your floor.”

The dismissal is clear, and Mo Ran tries hard not to roll his eyes because technically, Chu Wanning is still his superior. Instead, he steps out of the elevator and flashes a dimpled smile at Chu Wanning.

“You know where to find me if you change your mind,” he says, and just before the door slides shut, he winks at Chu Wanning.

His phone buzzes, and it’s a text from Mei Hanxue. Specifically, it’s got a photo attached to it— it’s of the napkin that they’ve made their bet on, and Mo Ran silently curses the other man through the phone before pushing it to the back of his mind and continuing on with his day.

Luckily, or unluckily, Mo Ran sees Chu Wanning again later in the day, when he’s walking out of the office building. Mo Ran considers letting him go without irritating him for a moment, but then promptly decides against it.

“Director Chu!” He calls out, and watches as Chu Wanning’s back goes rigid at the sound of his voice.

He doesn’t start running, so that is a plus. That also could be because he hasn’t fully recognized Mo Ran’s voice yet. Nonetheless, Mo Ran jogs up to him, waving as Chu Wanning turns around and pretending he doesn’t see the other man’s face drop.

“Mo Ran,” Chu Wanning deigns to greet, as chilled as his tone is. 

“Where are you heading?”

“Home,” the answer is clipped, and Mo Ran grins as if Chu Wanning doesn’t sound like he’s a moment away from bolting.

“Do you want to get a drink?” Mo Ran asks. A bar could count as a date as well, right? “I’ll pay.”

Chu Wanning frowns at Mo Ran, and Mo Ran tries not to cringe at how eager he both looks and sounds. He knows his normal method of flirting with someone — one that involves a heavy reliance on his looks — won’t work on Chu Wanning, so he’s trying out something else.

It fails.

“You cannot afford the type of bills I run up,” Chu Wanning replies crisply. “Goodbye.” 

The response is so cold that Mo Ran doesn’t even give him a fake smile as Chu Wanning leaves him standing on the sidewalk. Mo Ran feels like his head has been dunked in ice as he watches Chu Wanning’s retreating figure.

It’s not a new feeling to him. Chu Wanning has never hidden the fact that he thinks he is above everyone else, especially Mo Ran. Mo Ran has been the only one to ever call him out on it, and even outline it as a flaw of his repeatedly. It had been one of the main reasons they had clashed so hard at work. If Xue Zhenyong did not have such a fondness for them both, Mo Ran knows that one of them would have long been booted out of Sisheng.

And it probably wouldn’t have been Chu Wanning.

Xue Meng and Shi Mei had always insisted that the only problem the two of them had was being equally hot headed, and that Mo Ran would have a much better time getting along with Chu Wanning if he approached things with a more even temper. And despite still believing that as his superior, Chu Wanning should have been the one to be coolheaded, Mo Ran can concede that he had been too stubborn at parts of his career where it wasn’t needed. Yet all that… is hard to undo.

Maybe that’s why Mo Ran is failing. There’s an innate animosity between them and no matter how much he puts on the act of a grinning fool, it will never be untangled. Chu Wanning did not see Mo Ran as someone worth his respect then and now, he does not see Mo Ran as worth his time and attention. 

Whatever. Mo Ran will get Chu Wanning to agree to go out with him on a date, make it as unenjoyable as possible, run a few lies with Mei Hanxue and get a healthy amount of money for his troubles.

It just means that now, he’s going to have to grit his teeth and double down.

Despite his aloof appearance, Chu Wanning is aware that he does not come off as a particularly friendly man. 

He tries to be, in his own stilted way, but he’s appeared cold and unfeeling for so long that few will ever see him as anything else. It had been a wall he had drawn up when he was in late teens, something that had come naturally to him due to his quiet character, and it is a wall that not many dare to try and climb over. 

The only problem is that he isn’t cold and he isn’t unfeeling. No, Chu Wanning always feels so much, like he’s brimming, saved only by the fact that it’s easy for him to bottle up his emotions and tuck them away. Or so he thinks. He’s done a good job of ignoring that all these feelings perpetually threaten to spill over into the realm of stupidity, all because of one man. 

Chu Wanning has no idea what has inspired Mo Ran to do a complete turnaround in personality. Since he got promoted, Mo Ran has clearly taken advantage of Chu Wanning moving up a few floors by actively avoiding him as much as possible. It did sting to see Mo Ran quickly vanish around a corner if Chu Wanning caught sight of him in the lobby, but Chu Wanning knows that it was of his own doing. 

So to now see Mo Ran everywhere is quite jarring, and Chu Wanning does not know what to make of it. Especially since Mo Ran seems to be making some very persistent requests. 

Chu Wanning may not be as socialized in certain ways as one should probably be at this age, but even he can tell that something is up with the way Mo Ran frames his invitations. Despite his best attempts, part of Chu Wanning’s usually pragmatic brain immediately lights up with the idea that Mo Ran is asking him out on something like a date. 

The amount of hope it flares up in him makes him panic, and his immediate reaction is to shut Mo Ran down coldly. 

He can’t let himself drift away in a daydream— there’s no way Mo Ran has romantic intentions. He probably needs a reference, or to butter Chu Wanning up to grant his department something. Chu Wanning has long given up even entertaining the idea that the bold and personable man would ever have even a glimpse of reciprocated feelings towards someone as dour and disagreeable as Chu Wanning.

So it comes as a surprise when even after some harsh rejections, Mo Ran still doesn’t let up.  

The bar had been straightforward to reject. The few invitations that had come after were also easy. However, Mo Ran’s persistence is making it significantly less so each time. 

“What do you want?” Chu Wanning asks one morning as Mo Ran sidles up beside him in line at the tiny cafe at the bottom of their office building, a big grin on his face. It’s disarming to have that dimpled smile turned towards him and he tries not to make too much eye contact with it.

“What, I’m not allowed to get coffee before work?” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning huffs and turns away. Internally, he lets go of some of the tension he was holding inside— that brisker reply is more familiar to him.

However, he’s thrown off guard again when he approaches the counter and before he can give his order, Mo Ran is beside him once again.

“What—” Chu Wanning starts, and is abruptly cut off by Mo Ran.

“One large black coffee, one large caramel latte with two extra shots of sugar, and three egg tarts please,” Mo Ran rattles off, gently pushing Chu Wanning aside and taking out his phone to pay. “To go, thanks.”

It happens so fast that Chu Wanning doesn’t even have a moment to register it. 

“How do you remember my order?” Chu Wanning blinks, and Mo Ran doesn’t bother answering. He just herds Chu Wanning to the other side of the counter and a couple of minutes later, is shoving the paper bag of egg tarts in his hand, along with the coffee.

“You made me get it enough times when I started,” Mo Ran points out, and Chu Wanning internally grimaces. He hadn’t particularly meant to use any of his new hires as errand boys, but the trio had started just around the time Chu Wanning and his subordinates had been tasked with handling the behemoth task at Jincheng. 

Mo Ran follows Chu Wanning out of the cafe and into the lobby of the office building, and Chu Wanning thinks he absolutely must be working up to asking Chu Wanning for something. He really wants to bluntly extract the truth from Mo Ran, before his mind starts to get any kind of ideas that it shouldn’t. 

Chu Wanning is about to ask Mo Ran if he’s got anything he actually wants to say, when he catches himself. He may have had a sheltered upbringing but there’s limits to how ill-mannered he can act. So as they step into the crowded elevator, pressed against each other shoulder to shoulder, Chu Wanning mutters a quiet “thank you” out of the corner of his mouth. 

“Anytime,” Mo Ran says. “In fact, if you’d like, next time we can even sit down.”

It’s an ambiguous enough sentence that no one else in the elevator would pick up on what he’s saying. However, Chu Wanning does, and feels the tips of his ears heat. 

He doesn’t mean it in that way, a not-insignificant voice in his head says, and Chu Wanning swallows it down as the truth. There must be something Mo Ran is seeking, almost certainly in a professional capacity. 

Chu Wanning leaves the elevator without a word, not bothering to dignify Mo Ran with a response.

Yet somehow, that still is not the end of it. 

Chu Wanning seems to “accidentally” run into Mo Ran more often in the halls and the elevator over the next couple of days. It would have been something he would be secretly pleased about if he wasn’t on his guard. He just doesn’t know where this sudden interest has come from. Maybe he’s fantasized one too many times, and has found himself catapulted into some hallucination as a result.

It comes to a head near the end of the next week when Chu Wanning stays back late enough at work that the only other company that he has are the cleaners making their way through the office. 

Or so he thinks.

Because as he rides the elevator down, it dings on one of the lower floors, and the doors open to a familiar face that looks surprised to see him.

“You’re here late,” Mo Ran comments, and Chu Wanning only affords him a passing glance before staring straight ahead. 

“So are you,” he says as Mo Ran steps into the elevator. Mo Ran doesn’t look bothered by it though, and hits the already lit button for the ground floor again.

“It’s been a long day,” Mo Ran says, and indeed it has. Chu Wanning’s head is still ringing from the hours-long board meeting, the one on one with an enthusiastic but loud and verbose chair of the company, and the laundry list of problems that seemed to crop up all within the span of one day. He’s not had time to breathe all day, let alone eat or sit in silence by himself. He’s looking forward to doing all three once he gets home, if his brain can quiet down.

Chu Wanning is so steeped in thought about this, that he misses most of Mo Ran’s question. “Excuse me?”

“I wanted to know if you wanted to get a drink,” Mo Ran says as the elevator reaches the ground floor. They both walk out, Mo Ran a step behind Chu Wanning. “There’s a bar not too far from here, it’s not as upscale as Miaoyin but I think it’d be fun—”

“Mo Ran,” Chu Wanning cuts Mo Ran off sharply, voice tired. “What do you want?”

The question stops Mo Ran in his tracks, and Chu Wanning keeps on walking. A moment passes before Mo Ran starts moving again, having to do a small jog to catch up to Chu Wanning as they step out of the building and onto the street.

“What do you mean what do I want?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning rounds on him. He does it fast enough to catch Mo Ran off guard. It causes the other man to exclaim in surprise as he accidentally bumps into Chu Wanning, then leaps back like he’s burnt himself.

“Does your department need more money?” Chu Wanning asks. “Or are you looking for a reference?”

“Reference— why would I ask you for a reference?” Mo Ran frowns. “I don’t need anything from you, Chu Wanning.”

That gives Chu Wanning a pause. It sounds earnest coming from Mo Ran, though he still can’t understand what his true intentions are. He doesn’t think it would bode too well though, for him to bring up the fact that he’s noticed Mo Ran ignoring him for the better part of six months. 

It’s just strange that after that, Mo Ran’s coming back with a… with a proposition.

“Last time we spent any sort of significant time together, you said I was devoid of any human emotion,” Chu Wanning points out, and Mo Ran’s eyes widen. Technically, Mo Ran had said it to Shi Mei, but he hadn’t been particularly quiet or subtle about it. And to be fair, it had been after Chu Wanning had called him professionally deficient during a heated argument, a statement amongst many others that he perpetually regrets. “I’m curious as to why you think that someone like that would enjoy dinner with you.”

These words too, Chu Wanning immediately wishes he could take back. He has a habit of spitting out venom like a nervous snake caught off-guard as a defense mechanism he does not always need.

Mo Ran’s eyebrow twitches, and Chu Wanning knows he’s hit a nerve. He didn’t mean to— this is his problem. He’s got the poor personality trait of being easily acerbic ingrained within him, and it’s only partially covered by his ability to be stoic and silent. It’s made it hard for him to develop relationships with people, even if he’s secretly yearned after them for years.

Maybe Chu Wanning is being harsh and Mo Ran doesn’t actually have any other intentions. Maybe he really does just want to catch up with Chu Wanning, the distance dissipating some of the animosity that he feels towards him. He has a strange way of phrasing it, but perhaps Chu Wanning is simply over-thinking it. 

“Well,” Mo Ran says finally. “I don’t think we can say for sure that someone like that wouldn’t enjoy dinner with me, especially if I’m paying. I do think the best way for us to find out is by giving it a chance.”

Surprisingly, Chu Wanning’s previous icy reply did not throw Mo Ran off. Chu Wanning stares at him for a moment and tries to see if he can read any underlying intentions in Mo Ran’s expression. It does not work to his benefit, because he’s reminded of how dark and alluring Mo Ran’s eyes are, so deep they almost seem violet.

Yes, Chu Wanning could give it a chance. Maybe then he could figure out what Mo Ran actually wants from him. His brain picks up on this rationale and starts to spin it; it would be at Mo Ran’s expense, and as long as Chu Wanning keeps his expectations realistic, the worst that will happen is that he’ll find out that Mo Ran wants an in for a higher position within the company.

And there’s no other opportunity presenting itself right now for him to spend more time with Mo Ran. That realization is even more pathetic than he’d like to be so before his mind spirals, he gives Mo Ran an answer.

“Fine,” Chu Wanning says, and Mo Ran blinks.

“What?” He says, and Chu Wanning huffs.

“I said fine,” Chu Wanning repeats himself, carefully making his voice as flat as possible to hide the the swelling wave of nerves within himself. Mo Ran opens his mouth, but Chu Wanning quickly adds a, “We’ll go for dinner. Not tonight. This weekend.”

“I— okay,” Mo Ran stutters for a moment, like he didn’t actually expect Chu Wanning to say yes. “Yeah, okay. Sure. It’s a date.”

Chu Wanning opens his mouth, but Mo Ran holds his hand up.

“No objections,” Mo Ran states, breaking out into a big smile. He looks happy at Chu Wanning’s response, and that stirs something foreign and warm within him. “You’re locked in to go out with me this weekend.”

Chu Wanning shuts his mouth and gives the briefest of nods, and Mo Ran’s smile grows even wider.

“Fantastic,” he says. “I’ll let you know the details then. I can come pick you up.”

Chu Wanning’s ears are still echoing with Mo Ran calling it a date. He can feel the heat start to crawl up his neck. And knows he’s going to embarrass himself if he doesn’t get away soon. So he gives a clipped nod and says, “Goodnight, Mo Ran.”

“Goodnight, Director Chu,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning does not return the wave as he turns on his heel and walks down the other way on the street.

It’s not till he’s walked for a good two minutes that Chu Wanning allows himself the smallest amount of tentative excitement, feeling the tug of a faint smile in the corner of his lips despite himself.

Chapter Text

Mo Ran knows that he should be dreading his upcoming date with Chu Wanning. There haven’t been a lot of times they’ve been in a room together without Mo Ran getting irritated at Chu Wanning, or Chu Wanning finding fault in him, and the two of them devolving into an argument. 

Now, Mo Ran is voluntarily giving up his free time and his money to take Chu Wanning out on a date. Even rolling those words around in his head feels out of place. Mo Ran is still not sure what possessed Chu Wanning to say yes. 

Yet somehow, he’s not as apprehensive as he thought he would be. 

Most likely because he’s going to get some money for his time. All Mo Ran needs to do is make sure he distances his feelings from it. Not romantic feelings. Those he doesn’t have to worry about— after all, this is Chu Wanning. But Mo Ran will have to keep a leash on the antagonism that comes so easily when he’s around the other man, so that they aren’t fighting five minutes into the date.

The date that Mo Ran is going on with Chu Wanning, of all people.

Stranger things have happened, he’s sure.

Mo Ran’s guess is that Chu Wanning had just said yes to get Mo Ran out of his hair, and maybe even get a chance to partake in his favourite pastime of publicly dressing Mo Ran down. And Mo Ran does not want to particularly place himself at Chu Wanning’s disposal for the latter.

After giving it some thought, he had realized that making it an entirely awful date would only work to his disadvantage, because Chu Wanning has never been one to hold back when outlining Mo Ran’s incompetencies. When Mo Ran still worked underneath him, Chu Wanning would sometimes stay back late with him just to harangue him about what a terrible job he was doing. 

Not that Mo Ran has any intention of making the date anything great, or that he has entirely ruled out not messing with Chu Wanning, even just a little. It’s just not worth putting in the same amount of effort he would if the date was a real one. He wants it to be just enough so that Mei Hanxue, who will be sitting in a hidden booth in the same restaurant, will see that Mo Ran has fulfilled his end of the bet.

The kiss and everything else they agreed upon, Mo Ran will settle later. 

He picks Chu Wanning up in the evening as promised, pulling his car up to the front of Chu Wanning’s modest apartment building. It’s the same one he dropped him off at once within his first year at Sisheng, because it had been pouring outside and Mo Ran had gleaned that Chu Wanning had no umbrella, no coat, and had left his wallet with his public transport card at home. That time, Mo Ran had still been in the mood to take pity on him. No matter how far up he climbs the ladder at Sisheng, it appears that Chu Wanning has never bothered moving to one of the glitzier districts. 

Mo Ran’s train of thought dissipates as he sees Chu Wanning emerge from the front lobby. Mo Ran squints as Chu Wanning approaches. It is rare to see Chu Wanning outside of office clothes— Mo Ran didn’t expect him to look so young. He’s swimming in an oversized white sweater and black jeans, ungelled hair falling softly across his face.

It makes Mo Ran do a double take; almost thinks he’s mistaken someone else for Chu Wanning, till Chu Wanning catches his eye and walks over awkwardly to Mo Ran’s car. Mo Ran puts on a sunny smile that hopefully does not look too forced and waves. Chu Wanning merely nods as he opens the door.

The drive that follows is predictably awkward. Mo Ran tries to ask Chu Wanning about his day, and Chu Wanning only responds in monosyllabic answers. Mo Ran doesn’t expect any less from him, but keeps prodding him about how work has been, how many meetings he’s had, if he’s tried one of the new restaurants that’s opened up on the bottom floor. Surprisingly, Chu Wanning does not snap at him to shut up, but Mo Ran assumes he may have learned a thing or two about social interaction with his lessers since the last time they were in close quarters.

Chu Wanning drums his fingers rapidly against the arm rest as Mo Ran drives them to the restaurant; that’s the only indicator that the conversation is having an effect on him. It’s a tic of his that precedes either nerves or impatience, and Mo Ran knows that the man has the latter in spades.

But he still keeps a falsely optimistic expression plastered to his face as they park in a quieter street, a short distance away from one of the local restaurants. The walk over is as quiet as the drive, Chu Wanning’s shoulders so stiff that he looks like a wooden doll. As they push open the door to the restaurant, Mo Ran is almost relieved at the influx of noise in the crowded building. 

As they step in, he watches Chu Wanning out of the corner of his eyes. This place isn’t particularly luxurious; it’s cramped and almost always overcrowded, tinny speakers playing shrill music that is at least fifteen years old at any given time. The smell of spices, frying oil, and sticky sugar is overwhelming, the waiters are brisk, and Mo Ran has adored this place for as long as he has lived in the city. He’s sure this means that Chu Wanning will hate it but so far, the other man appears to be neutral.

They’re given a seat by the window, overlooking an equally busy street. As he sits down, Mo Ran catches a familiar blond head in the distance. Mei Hanxue gives a short wave and Mo Ran presses his lips together, nodding tightly as Chu Wanning takes his seat across from him, completely unaware.

“Have you ever been here before?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning silently shakes his head. 

Chu Wanning opens his mouth, just as the waitress comes by and rattles off a welcome, gives them the cardboard menus, and tells them they have only one choice of rice wine for tonight due to an accident the sous chef had in the bar. She gives an approximation of a smile as Mo Ran places a drink order for both of them,  before walking off to another table filled with already drunk geriatrics, and Mo Ran casts a look towards Chu Wanning.

“See anything you like?” Mo Ran asks as Chu Wanning scans the menu. Or tries to look like he is. Mo Ran can clearly see that his eyes aren’t moving, and that he’s boring a hole into the center of the menu card. “Or would you like me to order for both of us?”

“Do whatever,” Chu Wanning replies, obviously disinterested, and Mo Ran huffs under his breath before pumping cordiality back into his voice. 

“Sure,” Mo Ran says. Now, if Mo Ran can remember Chu Wanning’s coffee order, he can definitely remember that there are certain foods Chu Wanning cannot tolerate. Keeping that in mind, when the waitress comes back with a bottle, Mo Ran lists off an extensive order, keeping an eye on Chu Wanning’s reaction.

Chu Wanning remains as expressionless ever, save for the soft pinch in between his brows. He doesn’t say anything though, and accepts the cup of wine that Mo Ran pours out for him after the waitress leaves in equal silence.

“So,” Mo Ran begins, holding up his own cup to Chu Wanning in a light toast before taking his first sip. “How’s life as a director treating you?”

“No different than before,” Chu Wanning replies without elaborating, downing his entire drink in one go. Mo Ran raises an eyebrow, but pours out some more wine for Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning drinks that immediately, as well as the next refill Mo Ran pours.

“Are you sure?” Mo Ran asks, eyeing Chu Wanning’s cup. “You seem a little stressed.”

That makes Chu Wanning turn faintly pink around the ears, and he sets down his cup rather forcefully. He clears his throat, and looks shiftily at anywhere but Mo Ran, like he’s embarrassed to be here. Chu Wanning probably anticipated that he would have found at least four separate openings to berate Mo Ran by now; the lack of them must be making him nervous. That, or he’s hoping no one catches him out with Mo Ran. 

Mo Ran hopes that Mei Hanxue is enjoying the show. 

Chu Wanning’s capacity to make good conversation does not particularly improve as they sit in the restaurant. It’s similar to how it was in the car, stilted and abrupt, but not sharp and acerbic like Mo Ran had thought it would be. He almost wants to say it is shy, but Mo Ran doesn’t want to risk Chu Wanning’s ire by even thinking about it.

In fact, it throws him off guard— it’s definitely not the comfortable rapport of people who have known each other for as long as they have, but it seems like Chu Wanning’s also retracted his claws. It leaves them in some strange liminal space in between; almost like they are meeting for the first time, without having years of shared history between them.

Still, Mo Ran persists, undeterred by Chu Wanning’s lack of participation, asking him things like his favourite drink and food and show, like he doesn’t know that Chu Wanning has a big sweet tooth and a disdain for television that Xue Zhengyong likes to perpetually poke fun at. 

When the food comes, Mo Ran carefully watches Chu Wanning’s eyes widen by a fraction as the waitress lays down the bright orange and red dishes between them. The pungent smell of spice wafts up, and it’s good enough to make Mo Ran’s mouth water. 

It’s also hot enough to make Chu Wanning’s eyes water.

Mo Ran takes Chu Wanning’s plate and starts to portion out some food onto it, happily telling him how much he adores the food here and how he’s glad he could take Chu Wanning to one of his favourite places. He lays it on extra thick, leaving out the fact that the most appealing part of this restaurant is how late it’s open till and how good the food tastes when one’s drunk. 

It’s mostly to see what Chu Wanning will do. Chu Wanning has never pulled his punches when it comes to listing down Mo Ran’s deficiencies; by extension, Mo Ran doesn’t doubt that Chu Wanning will turn this into a cold dismissal. Part of Mo Ran wants to taunt him into it and give Chu Wanning that opening to rebuke him publicly. Perhaps doing so in front of Mei Hanxue will let him off for the rest of the bet.

Chu Wanning eyes Mo Ran warily as Mo Ran sets the plate down in front of Chu Wanning with a pleasant enough grin, and picks up his own. 

It comes as a surprise then that after Mo Ran’s finished piling up his own plate, Chu Wanning picks up a piece of tofu with great hesitancy, staring it down like one would stare down an enemy. 

Once, during a company dinner, Mo Ran and Xue Meng had watched in fascination as a few seats down, Xie Fengya had gotten too enthusiastic while chatting with the other people, to the point where he accidentally picked up the small bowl that held Chu Wanning’s sweet pickled salad. Chu Wanning tried to get his attention in that cold, not really effective way of his, and Xie Fengya simply did not pay attention.

Chu Wanning had let out what had appeared to be a very resigned sigh, and picked up Xie Fengya’s abandoned bowl. The moment he saw the crushed sichuan peppers dusted over the cucumbers, he had jabbed Xie Fengya in the side and gave him an ear-ringing lecture about mindfulness. Neither salad ended up being touched.

Mo Ran watches in curiosity as Chu Wanning takes a subtle inhale, then gingerly pops the single piece of tofu into his mouth. Chu Wanning chews for a moment, and Mo Ran stares.

“Does it taste good?” Mo Ran takes a chance and asks, and Chu Wanning nods, lips pursed together extremely tight as he clearly fights to keep the food down. His fingers twitch, but Chu Wanning does not say anything, nor does he fly into an immediate rage.

Mo Ran does not dare blink, utterly entranced by the way that Chu Wanning visibly tries his best to ignore the way his body is reacting to the smallest bite of food. His neck has started to redden and when Chu Wanning swallows, the exhale that succeeds it is painfully loud. He reaches for his cup of wine again to empty it, and picks up a piece of fried broccoli from his plate.

Chu Wanning eats that too, and it’s quite visible when he tastes the coat of the peppercorn, because his eyes start to water for good. His face steadily becomes a fire-engine red as this too, he gulps down. There is some sort of determination to his face, like he’s participating in a competition where the rules of engagement are unclear.

“Uh,” Mo Ran starts, mildly perplexed because he hadn’t accounted for Chu Wanning actually eating the food. He had expected him to call him a tasteless idiot and beckon the waitress over to put in his own order, not grit his teeth through a dish that was quite clearly paining him. “Is it too spicy…?”

He can’t quite make out if Chu Wanning’s glare is angry or pained. Either way, the misery on his face is fiery. Mo Ran winces as Chu Wanning eats more of the food, eyes going red as he tries to pretend he is someone that can stomach this spice.

“This place is very good,” Chu Wanning says, voice wheezing. Steam is blowing out of his bright ears, and when Mo Ran pours him a glass of water from the bottle that had previously been sitting forgotten in favour of the wine, it disappears within the blink of an eye. Courteously, Mo Ran pushes the entire thing in Chu Wanning’s direction, correctly assuming that he would want to down the whole thing in one go.

Mo Ran is partly amused, and partly pitying Chu Wanning. He feels some guilt too, because Chu Wanning seems determined to not want to put any of this food to waste, even if it is at Mo Ran’s expense.

“Don’t force yourself—” Mo Ran starts, but Chu Wanning interrupts with a series of whistling coughs before he holds up a hand.

“I am not forcing myself,” Chu Wanning’s voice is almost a peculiar croak now, a sound that makes Mo Ran wince. “I am well aware of my own limits.”

Mo Ran is about to point out that Chu Wanning is very distinctly past his own limits, but there is a nonzero chance that if he provokes Chu Wanning, Chu Wanning may open his mouth and breathe out fire like a dragon.

“Okay,” Mo Ran concedes, still eyeing Chu Wanning with some concern. 

He casts a look sideways to seek out where Mei Hanxue is sitting, and sees the man has somehow sidled his way into a table filled with giggling ladies who seem more than happy to be in his company. Mei Hanxue catches his eye and flashes him a wide smile and a thumb’s up. Mo Ran rolls his eyes at him, and Chu Wanning coughs again.

“Is everything okay?” Chu Wanning asks, and Mo Ran’s attention snaps back to him.

“Just saw something stupid,” Mo Ran replies blandly, and gives Chu Wanning a once over. The man is flushed to the roots of his hair, his eyes are rimmed red as fat tears form and start to crawl down. It should be hilarious, but it’s rather appealing, and as soon as the thought crosses Mo Ran’s mind, he almost jumps back in panic.

That is not the intent of the date. Mo Ran internally curses whatever (significant, as much as he denies it) part of him has always clung on to the idea that despite any sort of personality defect, Chu Wanning is attractive. Stupidly so.

Before he can make a fool of himself by doing something like reaching over and thumbing away the tear rolling down Chu Wanning’s right cheek, Mo Ran excuses himself.

“Help yourself to more,” Mo Ran gestures to the plates, even though he knows Chu Wanning will not. “I’ll be right back.”

Chu Wanning nods tightly as Mo Ran gets up, dragging his eyes back to the food like it’s about to kill him. It probably is. Mo Ran asks the waitress passing by to send another two bottles of water to their table. A couple of minutes later when he comes back out of the washroom, he sees Chu Wanning sitting alone, still red enough to be an airplane beacon as he pokes around at the food on the plate.

It looks rather pitiable. There’s only so much of a jerk Mo Ran can be, even towards Chu Wanning, even as a joke. He flags down the waitress again, and ignores her annoyed expression as he asks her to send more food to their table. This time he takes mercy and orders stewed vegetables, meatballs, steamed sweet and sour fish and plain rice to their table. As much as Mo Ran thinks he’d enjoy watching Chu Wanning suffer, he can’t make the date that terrible—

“Mo Ran?” A voice says  from behind him, and Mo Ran turns around to see who’s calling out to him. When he sees, he almost stumbles where he’s standing.

“Shi Mei?” Mo Ran blinks rapidly, and Shi Mei gives a smile and a pleasant wave back. He’s sitting at the small bar of the restaurant normally reserved for the local drunks, and Mo Ran doesn’t think twice about making his way over. “What are you doing here? How long have you been back for?”

“Thought I’d check out an old haunt,” Shi Mei says, raising his bottle of beer towards Mo Ran in a salute. 

It is a weird coincidence to run into Shi Mei; it has been a long time since Mo Ran has seen him. Guyueye had contracted him out for an overseas research project, and Mo Ran hasn’t seen the other man in ten months. Mo Ran hadn’t expected to see him for another four, based on what Xue Meng had said, but it is a pleasant surprise nonetheless.  

He slides into the empty stool beside Shi Mei, and without a word, Shi Mei flags the bartender down to get Mo Ran a bottle of the same beer they’ve been drinking since they were lowly interns. Once the bartender slides the drink over, they clink the necks of their bottles together.

“Xue Meng told me you’ve made Senior Manager,” Shi Mei says as they each take a long drink. “He made a big deal about it over dinner last night.”

Mo Ran raises an eyebrow, putting on a show of an affronted look.

“You came home after so long and spoke Xue Meng before you spoke to me?” he says, and Shi Mei laughs lightly. It’s an elegant sort of laugh, one that’s sharpened around the edges over time.

“He texted me nearly every single day,” Shi Mei points out. “Even when I was overseas.”

Mo Ran rolls his eyes good-naturedly at the mention of Xue Meng’s name, earning him a short scolding from Shi Mei.  

When Mo Ran had begun as an intern at Sisheng, the three of them — Xue Meng, Shi Mei, and himself — were near inseparable. When Shi Mei had left for Guyueye, deciding to pursue research in a different field, Mo Ran had been a little heart broken for a variety of reasons, but by the time Shi Mei had left to go overseas, that had all faded. Mo Ran’s not as enthusiastic at keeping touch as Xue Meng is, so the distance between them naturally grew.

It’s nice to see Shi Mei again though, and nice to catch up with him even though it has been a while. While Mo Ran may have learned his lesson about putting people on pedestals, the friendly fondness he’s always felt towards Shi Mei has stuck around. Enough for him to quickly get engaged into a conversation with him. It has always been easy to talk to Shi Mei, even if this time it comes with the mild awkwardness of just under a year’s worth of little communication.

Mo Ran asks Shi Mei what he’s done since he came back, and if he’s still with Guyueye. Shi Mei tells him he is, but he’s unsure about his future there given his experience in their overseas branch, so he’s looking around to see what his options are. 

Shi Mei tells him a little about that experience too, when Mo Ran prods, and Mo Ran grimaces inwardly. He had always known that the Xuanyuan subsidiary of Guyueye was harsher to work for, even despite its power and influence. With some of the stories Shi Mei has, it seems that things haven’t changed.

“You should come back to Sisheng,” Mo Ran suggests seriously, and Shi Mei laughs in response. 

“What, so that I can watch you and Xue Meng bicker all day?” Shi Mei asks dryly, and Mo Ran scoffs.

“No,” he replies, exaggerating his put-upon expression. “So that you can see a real boss in action.”

He adjusts his sweater collar in as pompous a manner as possible as he juts his chin out, and Shi Mei laughs. 

“Whatever you say, Senior Manager Mo,” Shi Mei puts up a placating hand on Mo Ran’s shoulder. “It would be nice to see everyone again though. I was thinking about reaching out to Chu-laoshi as well— oh, what’s with that look? Don’t tell me you’re still fighting with him.”

Mo Ran’s smile had frozen on his face halfway through Shi Mei’s sentence. He bumbles his words and chokes on his beer as he tries to talk, swallowing it down before he accidentally spits it up on Shi Mei. She Mei reaches over to thump on his back and gives him a concerned look.

“Is everything okay?” Shi Mei asks as Mo Ran wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and swears. 

“Shit,” Mo Ran rasps, and looks over to where Chu Wanning has been sitting alone for the better part of over twenty-five minutes,

Mo Ran can’t believe he fucking forgot about him, and it wasn’t even intentional. His attention had just taken such a hard diversion with the presence of Shi Mei that for a moment, the real reason Mo Ran was in this place completely slipped his mind.

Chu Wanning looks incredibly alone at the table with all the food, all by himself, Mo Ran’s plate abandoned and cooling across from him. The expression on his face is rigidly blank, as if he’s on the verge of an explosive emotion. Mo Ran is inevitably in for either a vicious earful about how useless he is, or one concise insult that will burn through him for the rest of his life. He won’t even have the right to be indignant about it.

On the plus side, it looks like all the food made it to their table, because the spicy dishes have been pushed over onto Mo Ran’s side and Chu Wanning is delicately picking off the soft white flesh of the fish, staring at the seat where Mo Ran should have been sitting.

There is no way that Chu Wanning hadn’t seen that Mo Ran had gotten distracted. Mo Ran is surprised Chu Wanning hadn’t come over to drag him back by the ear. Unless he simply does not care if Mo Ran disappears off the face of the earth, and is continuing the meal as normal. 

While Mo Ran is certain that the first is true, he doubts the latter is. He’s accidentally been rude towards Chu Wanning, on top of ordering the worst possible food for him. Mo Ran may as well start picking out his own urn and a nice cool locker to store his ashes in, for when Chu Wanning inevitably kills him.

“Is that Chu-laoshi?” Shi Mei says, following Mo Ran’s line of sight.

“He’s Director Chu now,” Mo Ran says, already wondering just how doomed he is. 

“I wonder if he came here with anyone,” Shi Mei cranes his head a little. “That’s a lot of food for one man.”

“Yeah,” Mo Ran says faintly. “He came with me.”

It’s Shi Mei’s turn to choke and sputter, and he looks at Mo Ran incredulously.

“You let me take up so much of your time!” Shi Mei exclaims, and Mo Ran winces at the words. Yeah, he did. And he’s undoubtedly about to pay a price that he has very thoroughly incurred.

“Why don’t you come say hi?” Mo Ran asks Shi Mei in a tone that’s very much begging Shi Mei to come with him so that Chu Wanning doesn’t ream him out. Mo Ran wishes he had a shorter name for it, but it’s a tone they both know very well.

Wearily, Shi Mei slides off the stool without a second word and starts his march. Mo Ran’s brain finally catches up and he follows Shi Mei as they snake their way back towards where Chu Wanning is sitting.

Mo Ran looks extremely sheepish as they approach. Chu Wanning’s face is hard to read; it’s set in a familiar, stern look that has always spelled trouble for Mo Ran. 

“Senior Chu,” Shi Mei greets, as Mo Ran gives half a wave. Chu Wanning looks up at Shi Mei and his expression slips for a moment— Mo Ran has experience in biting back any resentment that others will get softer looks, while he has to bear the brunt of Chu Wanning’s ire. In this case, he knows he deserves it. 

“Shi Mei,” Chu Wanning greets in turn, nodding his head and offering nothing more.

“It’s good to see you,” Shi Mei says awkwardly, and Chu Wanning hums. 

“I heard you have been overseas,” Chu Wanning says, and gestures to the food on the table. He does not spare a glance towards Mo Ran. “Why don’t you sit with us? It has been a long time.”

“Ah…” Shi Mei scratches the side of his head while casting a guilty look towards Mo Ran. “I’ve already taken up enough time. I was supposed to meet a friend at their home for drinks. It was nice meeting you, Senior Chu. Mo Ran.”

“My number is still the same,” Mo Ran replies, sending one last silent prayer up to whoever wants to listen.  “Text me and come by Sisheng sometime. Say hi to everyone.”

Shi Mei makes a noncommittal sound and within the blink of an eye, has disappeared. Mo Ran so desperately wishes he could do the same. Slowly, he turns back to Chu Wanning, who skewers his last crab meatball rather forcefully. Mo Ran is at a loss for what to say. He figured he should start with an apology. 

“I’m sorry,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning doesn’t look at him. Instead, his gaze is captured by the light floral print of the plastic tablecloth. “I hadn’t seen Shi Mei in a long time and got distracted.”

He braces for a moment— for the insult, for the snappy remark, for Chu Wanning to call him incompetent. 

“Mn,” Chu Wanning replies quietly. “It is fine.”

Mo Ran doubts it is. He studies Chu Wanning closely as Chu Wanning continues to avoid eye contact with him. Mo Ran realizes that Chu Wanning’s brow isn’t pinched like it normally is when he’s annoyed, and his frown has a softer edge to it. It makes him look less angry and more forlorn. Mo Ran has never seen him like this before, and he teeters uncertainly.

“Do you… want dessert?” Mo Ran tries, and Chu Wanning shakes his head. 

“It is late,” Chu Wanning states with a finality that makes Mo Ran flinch. Nonetheless, he flags the waitress down to pay the bill, ignoring Chu Wanning’s insistence that he do it, since he was the reason that Mo Ran had to order extra dishes. Chu Wanning doesn’t accept the offer of leftovers, even the food that Mo Ran had ordered specially for him. 

“Let me drop you home,” Mo Ran says after the table has been cleared and the food has been packed away. Chu Wanning looks like he really wants to say no, but seems to think better of it. 

The drive back to Chu Wanning’s place is filled with silence that is monumentally awkward, thicker than the drive to the restaurant and excruciatingly painful. Chu Wanning stares silently out of the window, while Mo Ran’s palms sweat against the steering wheel. He’s still on the edge, waiting for Chu Wanning to chew him out. He knows it is a selfish desire, because he would feel appropriately punished.

Guilt  starts to gnaw at him so Mo Ran wedges his car in a tight space off the corner of the street, and insists on walking Chu Wanning to the front of his building. 

“I hope you enjoyed the food,” Mo Ran says as they approach the glass doors, and Chu Wanning makes an ambiguous sound. “Again, I’m really sorry about getting distracted. I didn’t mean to.”

Mo Ran is sincere about the apology. He knows he may not have room to be, but all he wanted to do was bully Chu Wanning a little on their date, just to get him back for at least some of the times they’ve butted heads in the past.  Mo Ran feels bad for ditching Chu Wanning like that, even if it is Chu Wanning.

If Chu Wanning had looked angry, then at least it would have been a comeuppance. Mo Ran knows all the various shades of anger that can cross Chu Wanning’s face; what he wears now is none of them. It is frighteningly close to what one would call dejection, but Mo Ran doesn’t want to believe that Chu Wanning has the capacity for that.

“Goodnight Mo Ran,” Chu Wanning says and without looking at Mo Ran once, reaches for his door and disappears into his building. 

The disaster does not go unseen. 

“Thanks for letting me witness your date by the way,” Mei Hanxue says, ignoring the way that Mo Ran glares at him. “Entertainingly terrible. I can see why you’re still single.”

“This is a business meeting,” Mo Ran points out icily and makes a rude gesture when Mei Hanxue simply smiles back sweetly. 

It was a business meeting, fifteen minutes ago, but Mo Ran’s team has already left, as have the two attachments that Mei Hanxue had brought. It’s just the two of them now, waiting for Xue Meng to finish up so that they can head to the bar together. 

Ideally, Mei Hanxue would have gone back to his own workplace like a proper employee, however he’s decided that harassing Mo Ran while he tries to finish his day is a lot more appealing. It has taken him only two minutes to finally break and prod Mo Ran on his shitty date, even though he had clowned him plenty via messages.

“I guess I do owe you,” Mei Hanxue shrugs, and Mo Ran tries to ignore him. Thirty seconds later, Mo Ran’s phone pings, and he sees a notification that Mei Hanxue has sent him some money. 

“Really?” Mo Ran says, and Mei Hanxue shrugs.

“That was a date, no matter how tragic it was,” Mei Hanxue says. “So there’s your money. Don’t try to trick me into thinking you got a kiss after that disaster though, let alone laid.”

Mo Ran can’t even lie his way out of it. He’s been on some pretty disastrous dates but he’s rarely been the cause of them. Mo Ran can’t get the image of a lonely Chu Wanning out of his head; he wishes Chu Wanning had yelled at him instead because at least then, Mo Ran would have felt they had gotten even. There was no way he could extract a hug, let alone a kiss from that pathetic situation.

“I…” Mo Ran starts, and sighs out of his nose. “Have a plan.”

“You better,” Mei Hanxue snorts. “Or you’ll owe me.”

“No I won’t,” Mo Ran says indignantly and Mei Hanxue raises a thin eyebrow in his direction.

“Oh, I think you will,” Mei Hanxue says, ignoring the curse Mo Ran throws his way. “At least for the kiss. C’mon, it’d be funny.”

Mo Ran makes a face. He doesn’t actually have a plan— he thinks he’s done for good with Chu Wanning. Mo Ran doubts he’ll get any kind of second chance, given he had flat out ditched Chu Wanning on their date. It wouldn’t have hurt to make the date at least somewhat fun. Mo Ran’s grimace deepens.

Before he can marinate on this further, a sharp knock interrupts his train of thought. Xue Meng doesn’t wait for permission before he barges in, coat in hand and hair sticking up from where he’s undoubtedly been running his hand through it all day in an attempt to appear important.

“You’re coming too?” Xue Meng asks Mei Hanxue, and Mei Hanxue purses his lips, blowing a kiss towards a very disgruntled Xue Meng.

“I invited you,” Mei Hanxue reminds him, and whatever Xue Meng snips in return is lost on Mo Ran.

Instead, he stares at his phone, wondering what will be the easiest.

Chu Wanning is so immersed in his work that he barely notices his phone buzz. He has a habit of ignoring it after a certain time in the evening anyways, ignoring people in favour of the mountain of perpetual work he needs to get completed. It is only by chance that he looks for a new pen on his desk and sees the screen for his phone is still lit up.

Before it blacks out again, Chu Wanning catches sight of Mo Ran’s name and comes to a grinding halt.

Chu Wanning would be lying if he said that the name did not fill him with a bit of dread, given how terribly their date had gone. Mo Ran hasn’t texted him in the two days since, and Chu Wanning hasn’t texted him either, not wanting to remember how he blew it.

Another notification lights up his phone — an email from Xue Zhengyong — and Chu Wanning quickly glimpses at the preview for Mo Ran’s message that still sits on top.

What are you doing tomorrow night?

A good ten seconds pass, and the screen of the phone blacks out again. Chu Wanning stares at it for a moment before frowning and picking it up, wondering if he just imagined things. When he unlocks his phone, the message is still there. As soon as he opens it, another one comes.

Have dinner with me if you’re free?

Chu Wanning narrows his eyes, leaning in to make sure that he has read right.

It takes him by surprise— he thought Mo Ran would want nothing to do with him now, after the poor excuse for a date Chu Wanning had been. Chu Wanning had been too awkward and nervous to make proper conversation in the car or in the restaurant. He had tried, but in his attempt to conceal his skittishness, he appeared dull instead.

And to top it off, he had barely been able to eat the food Mo Ran had selected for them. Well, to be fair, the last part wasn’t necessarily his fault, and his tongue still feels a little numb from all the spice he forced down, but Chu Wanning is far from fair, even to himself. He simply sees it as another failing of his.

Mo Ran had been kind enough to order a separate set of dishes for Chu Wanning, and Chu Wanning had felt guilty. He had also seen Mo Ran run into Shi Mei as it happened, and given that Chu Wanning had been so cold and reticent during the entire date, Chu Wanning was not surprised when he saw Mo Ran drifting towards more interesting company. 

It had stung, and made an old and ugly jealousy flare within him, one that he carried all the way home from the restaurant till he was standing under the spray of his shower, the hot water numbing his body and mind. But Chu Wanning knows that he has no one to blame by himself. Having been a villain in Mo Ran’s life, the two of them have fought over much less.

So it surprises him that Mo Ran wants a repeat experience. Chu Wanning is at a loss for a moment— he rarely gets a second chance with anything, so he does not know what to do.

His first instinct is to reject it. It’s not like he’s got the capability to make the next date any better. Chu Wanning knows he’s generally an unlovable man, no matter what he does, and he doubts that will change.

You could learn, a small voice in the back of his head suggests. You could learn to do better.

What exactly could he do better, that would make up for his lack of attractive features or personality? Does he really want to sit through another date where he’s forgotten about, just because he can’t bring himself to act in a manner which is not wooden?

Yet…

Part of him wants to be selfish too. 

As foolish as this is to say, maybe Mo Ran doesn’t see it as terrible as Chu Wanning does. If Mo Ran wants to suffer through another date with him, why shouldn’t Chu Wanning take advantage? How many other chances would he get?

Chu Wanning’s fingers hover over this screen, turning it over in his head. Unsure of what to do, he locks the screen and throws his phone in his briefcase, unwilling to think about it till he gets home.

Chapter Text

It is a lot more nerve-wracking the second time around.

His meetings run late, so he does not have time to do more than go home and drop his briefcase off. He does his best not to run, not wanting to appear overeager. By the time the agreed-upon time rolls around, Chu Wanning’s only managed to splash some water on his face and take off his tie, throwing it onto the pile of clothes on his sofa. He inspects himself in the mirror and satisfied with the lack of pen ink that normally smears the cuffs of his shirt, he leaves.

The day has been so busy, Chu Wanning’s head filled swimming with too much work to dwell on what’s to come, that the nerves have held off all day. They have lingered in the back of his mind all day, but they do not come to the front of it till he’s stepping into the elevator. It is then that they slam him in full force, and his brain stutters to a stop.

Chu Wanning stares at the panel of buttons, wondering if it’s too late to get off and go back up. The last date had been terrible; there is no reason why this one may not follow suit. It’s not that Chu Wanning has suddenly become more agreeable in the days that have passed. Before he can dwell on this longer and allow the thought of it to walk him back out, a woman calls out to him to hold the elevator.

He does, and the woman pushes her bulky baby stroller into the small space, boxing Chu Wanning in and cutting off his escape.

It had taken a lot to tell Mo Ran yes. Chu Wanning didn’t know if it was worth putting himself through all of that again, and had then thought of how easy it would be for Mo Ran to disappear from his sight for another six months. Thankfully, Mo Ran didn’t seem to bat an eye at the late reply; he simply asked Chu Wanning what time worked best for him, and told him he’d pick him up again.  

When the elevator dings, Chu Wanning dutifully holds the door while the woman pushes out the stroller. He scans the lobby as he does so, and sees Mo Ran’s car parked on the front curb. Keeping his chin high and schooling his face into its regular, sternly neutral expression, Chu Wanning marches rigidly out of his apartment building. This time, Mo Ran’s waiting for him outside of the vehicle, leaning against the passenger door and scrolling idly his phone.

Mo Ran has always been good looking, and today is not an exception. He’s wearing a black leather jacket thrown over a generously snug white crew-neck and dark grey jeans. His hair has been brushed out from the gelled look he wears at work, making the dimpled grin he gives Chu Wanning when he sees him appear more boyish.

Chu Wanning swallows lightly, his mouth going dry. Mo Ran’s looks, his broad stature, and his personality that veers impressively between being polite and roguish make him quite a magnet for others. While Chu Wanning’s also experienced him in an agitated state, he’s never found himself immune to Mo Ran’s charms— he’s just been rather good at hiding any sort of pull he’s felt.

Maybe not as good as he thinks, if Mo Ran is taking him out. A small voice in the back of his head reminds him that Mo Ran is determined, and if he’s looking to get something from Chu Wanning, a ruined dinner may not stop him.

“Senior Chu,” Mo Ran greets him in an old and familiar way.

“Mo Ran,” Chu Wanning nods in his direction, and remembers that he told himself he would try to be less stiff this time. “No need for formalities.”

“Ah,” Mo Ran says, opening the passenger door of his car. “Wanning.”

The name sounds rich rolling off his tongue, the cadence of it playful. Chu Wanning’s never had it said like that before, and it makes his ears heat. He tries to reign in both his desires and his expectations— again, there’s still a chance that Mo Ran’s buttering him up because he wants something.

Chu Wanning wants to tell Mo Ran that he doesn’t need to go to this length. Despite their arguments and despite whatever insults they have thrown at each other, Chu Wanning strongly believes in Mo Ran’s capabilities. Even if they fight, even if Chu Wanning’s tongue gets the better of him, every time Mo Ran has been up for advancement within the company, Chu Wanning has advocated for him thoroughly. But he has only done these things in private, not  wanting to face the discomfort of forced gratitude, especially from a man who hates him.

Mo Ran asks how Chu Wanning’s day was as he starts the car, and Chu Wanning replies with a concise “Busy”. Then he remembers he’s trying to be more personable and less stand-offish today, so he tries to think of something else to add on so that he can make his sentence extend beyond one word. It’s hard to know where to start though; it has been busy, and the day has been the epitome of a headache. Before he can reply, his stomach makes an embarrassingly loud gurgling sound. 

“Hungry, huh?” Mo Ran says as he pulls the car out from the curb, a smile tugging at his face. Chu Wanning feels his own heat in embarrassment. 

“I haven’t had a chance to eat,” Chu Wanning replies, and Mo Ran casts him a sideways look. Chu Wanning’s stomach makes another sound, and he tries to stare ahead like nothing’s happening. 

“Since breakfast?” Mo Ran asks and Chu Wanning shakes his head.

“Since dinner,” Chu Wanning says, and Mo Ran visibly startled, suddenly hitting the brakes. A car honks behind them and Mo Ran gives Chu Wanning a wide eyed look before he starts driving again.

“How are you still standing?” Mo Ran exclaims, and Chu Wanning chooses not to reply, feeling embarrassed. It is uncomfortable being pitied and he snips a “So what?” in an abrasive voice. 

“Change of plans,” Mo Ran says, pulling out his phone from his pocket, tapping away while keeping an eye on the road. “We’re eating dinner first.”

“It’s fine,” Chu Wanning tries, but the small screen in the center console has already lit up with the number of the restaurant.

The place, a trendy European fusion one which Chu Wanning recognizes, says they’re full. Chu Wanning sits in silence as Mo Ran turns his charms on in full force and talks them into giving him an earlier reservation. Chu Wanning curses his stomach, and his penchant for forgetting to eat while he’s absorbed in work.

“You can’t go a whole day without eating when working as hard as you do,” Mo Ran says, his voice on the edge of a lecture. 

“I do it all the time,” Chu Wanning says, crossing his arms over his chest and continuing to keep his gaze pointedly ahead. He hopes his expression conveys that he’s not willing to argue about it and sure enough, Mo Ran merely huffs, not saying anything else till they reach the restaurant. 

This time Mo Ran makes Chu Wanning order off the menu first, even though Chu Wanning tries to defer to him. Chu Wanning is restrained with the food he orders; when it’s Mo Ran’s turn, he orders a host of appetizers for the two of them and a roast chicken dish as the main course.

“Nothing spicy this time?” Chu Wanning asks mildly and Mo Ran gives him a sheepish look.

“I could do without,” he replies. A few minutes later, the waiter comes back with a bottle of chilled white wine and hand towels. It’s a stark contrast from the last place that Mo Ran had brought him to; Chu Wanning wonders if it’s an apology.

It probably is. Not that Chu Wanning minded the last place; the restaurant had been cozier, and the food that didn’t feel like it was peeling off his taste buds was rather delicious.

This time, Mo Ran seems a lot more focused on Chu Wanning, asking him how his day has gone and how work is, pressing on even when Chu Wanning is abrupt in his answers. The patience works because Chu Wanning manages to relax enough that they’re able to have a proper conversation. 

Surprisingly, Mo Ran doesn’t seem to be deterred anytime Chu Wanning sounds brisk and closed off. He does not immediately react to any slip that could be misconstrued as rude either, such as Chu Wanning telling him pointedly that some people stay back late because they must actually work, as opposed to wining and dining clients. Mo Ran’s lips press together in a tight line, sure enough, but he plows on like nothing’s wrong a moment later.

In turn, Chu Wanning tries to make an effort too. After waiting for a lull in the conversation, Chu Wanning asks Mo Ran how he’s finding his position as a senior manager while the waiter brings forth their appetizers. Mo Ran blinks, visibly looking surprised that Chu Wanning’s asked a question, and Chu Wanning clears his throat awkwardly.

“Xue Zhengyong said that you excelled in your first official performance review,” Chu Wanning says, words thankfully sounding less clunky than they feel.

“You heard?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning nods. He hasn’t had many mentees; he was generally deemed too terrifying for the new hires, and it was only because Xue Zhengyong had a personal relationship with Xue Meng, Shi Mei and Mo Ran that he took them on. However, Chu Wanning has kept tabs on all three of them.

After Mo Ran works through the initial shock of Chu Wanning asking after him, he launches into an actual earnest answer to the question, tentatively watching Chu Wanning at the parts where he thinks he’s going to get scolded. Chu Wanning knows that most of it is his own fault; at work, his reputation for having a brisk temper is not unearned. It has clashed many times with Mo Ran’s penchant for wise remarks. 

But they’re not at work. Mo Ran is both a great talker and hypnotizing to watch. At the rare work event he has gone to, as well as the company wide gatherings and forums, Chu Wanning has always seen the measured but gregarious way he acts around others. Seeing it up close like this makes him feel warm under the collar, and he does not interrupt it with any scathing remarks, intentional or otherwise. 

The food, thankfully, is more suited to Chu Wanning’s tastes, mostly because it does not numb his tongue. The seafood dish he’s ordered is satisfactorily pleasant, and he lets Mo Ran try a seared scallop when he asks.

“I think I could make this a little better at home,” Mo Ran chews thoughtfully, and Chu Wanning huffs. “What? I’ll prove it.”

 Chu Wanning suddenly imagines Mo Ran in the kitchen — Chu Wanning’s own kitchen, embarrassingly — standing over a pan with an easy-going look as he cooks dinner for both of them. It’s shamefully domestic and Chu Wanning ducks his head before he gets carried away, because it’s probably not what Mo Ran means. 

While it is not an unpleasant time, the air of their dinner is still stilted. Now that they’re actually talking, there is an underlying tension between the two of them; after having spent so much of their professional lives at each other’s throats, they still instinctually wait to see if the other person will snap. Chu Wanning waits for Mo Ran to make a poor joke about Chu Wanning’s austerity while Mo Ran undoubtedly waits for Chu Wanning to call him incompetent after he tells him about a personal mixup.

But they make it all the way past dessert with no arguments, albeit with a few silences that stretch out awkwardly. 

After Mo Ran ignores Chu Wanning’s offer to pay and covers the bill, he suggests that they go to some of the evening markets nearby. He had originally planned for them to go to one of the city’s historical gardens first, but it’s too late in the day now. Chu Wanning makes an indifferent noise that Mo Ran takes as an agreement, and he makes the decision for them to walk. 

The night is pleasant, a cool but bearable early spring breeze in the air. Their elbows bump as they weave through the crowd, and Chu Wanning doesn’t stride ahead like he normally does when he is with others. Mo Ran talks aimlessly as they walk, chatting about this and that. He talks about a new cafe he tried out, losing an expensive tie on the subway, Xue Meng directing them to the wrong hotel during their last business trip and insisting that the hotel was the one who had incorrect bookings.  Chu Wanning hums along as he listens, the tip of his nose turning pink as the temperature drops.

He makes sure to pay attention; Mo Ran seems more than happy to talk. Occasionally, he’ll ask Mo Ran another question or two about what he says, and will carefully craft his words. He bites back any instinctually sharp remarks as soon as they reach the tip of his tongue and finds that the conversation is actually pleasant when he’s not constantly on guard, ready to play the offensive. When they’re not baring their teeth at each other, being in each other’s vicinity isn’t terrible and it’s easy to forget that he’s an antagonist for Mo Ran.

It could be called…nice. 

Chu Wanning tries to not think about it too hard though, part out of a need to protect himself. He has spent so long repressing his crush on Mo Ran that he instinctually prevents himself from getting so comfortable that he starts to daydream about them. However, Chu Wanning finds that if he dwells less on that and forces himself to stay in the moment, it’s rather enjoyable. 

The evening market is loud and bustling with music, the din of chatter, and the smell of food rising up into the air. The crowd grows denser as they turn down the street of the market, and Mo Ran places a palm between Chu Wanning’s shoulderblades, guiding him through the people. 

“Are you still hungry?” Mo Ran asks as Chu Wanning looks around, taking in the sights and sounds. They end up at a bottleneck and Mo Ran steps in front of Chu Wanning so that he can make way for them both, reaching one hand out behind him to grab Chu Wanning’s and drag him along.

It seems instinctual so Chu Wanning does his best to stop himself from reading into it, but he has never been the type to be used to casual touches, romantic or platonic. Mo Ran’s hand is large and warm around his wrist; Chu Wanning is glad that the other man is in front of him and unable to see the funny expression that crosses his face.

As soon as they make it out of the bottleneck, one of the stalls selling sweets catches Chu Wanning’s eye. Mo Ran twigs onto it immediately and drags them over, despite Chu Wanning claiming he’s full. Chu Wanning has a bit of a heinous sweet tooth, and he does not want to put it on full display yet.

Five minutes later, Chu Wanning holds a skewer, carefully chewing on a candied strawberry as Mo Ran eyes a shop selling garishly neon shirts.

“How come you didn’t get yourself any?” Chu Wanning asks; there had been a large crowd around the stall, and when Mo Ran had re-emerged from it, he had only one stick. Mo Ran hums in question before his eyes drift down to the colourful tanghulu.

“Oh,” Mo Ran’s brow pinches and he leans down, just enough to take a bite out of one of the fruits, a rather sizable slice of a tangerine. The physical distance between them is minimal, so much so that Chu Wanning forgets to breathe for a moment. He stares as Mo Ran draws back, chewing thoughtfully, unaware that Chu Wanning has become a little flustered. “It’s not bad. Hey, let’s go over there for a second.”

Chu Wanning doesn’t get the chance to stare at the way Mo Ran wipes off some cracked sugar from his lips before he’s being tugged yet again, this time towards a shop that’s got walls and walls of trinkets glittering behind a friendly and very animated shopkeeper. 

“This reminds me of you,” Mo Ran says, pointing at— Chu Wanning blinks, and almost forgets his night-long resolve to not verbally box Mo Ran around the ears as Mo Ran points out a large keychain of a particularly angry looking cat. It becomes especially hard when Mo Ran proceeds to buy it.

“I’m not taking that,” Chu Wanning says, though the effect of his words is dulled by the fact that he’s saying it in between eating a hawberry. Mo Ran ignores him yet again, and has the audacity to laugh when the shopkeeper remarks on how both Chu Wanning and the cat have matching expressions.

Mo Ran slides the keychain into the back pocket of Chu Wanning’s pants. Mo Ran and him stare at each other before Mo Ran draws his hand out and quite properly pats Chu Wanning on his lower back.

“Mo Ran!” Chu Wanning bursts out, and Mo Ran steps back with a non-repentant grin, holding both hands up. Chu Wanning feels his ears heat, and he immediately turns on his heel and marches away. He hears Mo Ran call out his name, half laughing. Twenty seconds later, Mo Ran catches up to him and slings an arm around him.

“Don’t reject my gifts, Wanning,” Mo Ran jostles him and when Chu Wanning glares up at him, Mo Ran just gives him a sunny smile that makes his heart feel light. “I give them with a lot of care.”

Chu Wanning makes an indignant sound and shakes Mo Ran off, but doesn’t drift too far away from him again. They remain for a little longer in the market, aimlessly wandering and end it with sitting on plastic chairs outside of a crowded street side restaurant, wolfing down steamed milk pudding. There too, they continue their conversation without any rhyme or reason. Chu Wanning, for all his insistence that concise conversation with no frills is the only proper type of conversation to have, finds it rather enjoyable.

It’s the first time in a long time that Chu Wanning has gone out simply for the sake of going out. The last time he did so was a long time ago, with Xue Zhengyong and Xie Fengya, the latter who had passed out trying to out-drink Chu Wanning while the former insisted that they end their night at a karaoke bar instead of dropping Xie Fengya home. Chu Wanning decides to relay this story to Mo Ran and Mo Ran looks utterly delighted, even though Chu Wanning doesn’t think it’s too much of an interesting story, especially when Mo Ran tells him a similar one in return, where a drunk night had landed him in a village across the province.

They walk back to Mo Ran’s car afterward, and Mo Ran drives Chu Wanning back home. The silence in the car ride this time is significantly less awkward, and much more comfortable, punctuated only by Mo Ran saying that he could have probably made the milk pudding better too. 

As they pull up to the front of his apartment building, Chu Wanning wonders what happens now. Chu Wanning is a reticent man, and goodbyes often just consist of him curtly dismissing the other person. In this context though, it’s a lot different. 

There’s no exact guidebook on how to conclude a date with someone who you were pretty sure hated you. Chu Wanning has checked. Does he tell Mo Ran to come in for a drink or some tea before he drives home? Does he offer another date, or tell him that he enjoys this one? Does he just awkwardly big him goodnight?

A brief image of leaning in for a goodnight kiss flashes across Chu Wanning’s mind and latches on ferociously. Chu Wanning is the diametric opposite of being forward, in the little experience that he has had, but once the idea is planted in his head, it’s hard for him to suppress it. As much as he tries to shoo it away, some little devil in the back of his mind suggests his newfound streak of luck will continue and Mo Ran will initiate it.

 Perhaps this streak of luck will continue and Mo Ran will initiate it.

“Hope you enjoyed yourself,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning is about to make a sound of agreement when Mo Ran continues, “I hope this made up for last time. Once again, I’m sorry for it.”

… Ah. So Mo Ran was simply getting even this time, out of guilt for the last time. So perhaps today was not out of genuine interest and instead out of politeness, Mo Ran choosing to make amends for their tanked date. 

It’s not the worst thing in the world. It makes sense, actually, and doesn’t necessarily mean that it was purely out of honour and not out of interest. 

Hopefully.

“No need to apologize,” Chu Wanning replies evenly. “You didn’t have to go through all of this trouble just because you didn’t enjoy our last dinner.”

Mo Ran’s expression slips for a moment and he immediately sounds flustered. 

“No, last time was my fault,” Mo Ran insists. “I was just being stupid and I wanted to prove I wasn’t the worst date ever.”

Chu Wanning raises an eyebrow. Thankfully, Chu Wanning’s face wasn’t expressing anything enough for it to fall. “Point proven. But we didn’t…have to.”

Mo Ran makes an odd sound, one that sounds vaguely like frustration and an eyebrow of his twitches as Chu Wanning looks at him. “I wanted to, Wanning.”

Chu Wanning feels a little flustered himself, and Mo Ran scratches the side of his head for a moment.

“Go out with me again,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning blinks.

“Again?”

“Only if you want to,” Mo Ran replies, and Chu Wanning’s glad that it’s dark because he can feel his face grow warm again.

The egregious charm Mo Ran gave him is still digging into his pocket. It’s a strange feeling— Chu Wanning simultaneously feels both warmth and an old, deeply embedded apprehension that no one actually wants to see him in this capacity again. But the ghost of Mo Ran’s little touches throughout the night lingers on him, and Chu Wanning is only human. 

Chu Wanning finally nods, and Mo Ran beams. He opens his mouth but Chu Wanning feels the strong flush of embarrassment oncoming so he simply says, “Goodnight Mo Ran,” and makes a swift exit out of the car.

“I’ll text you!” Mo Ran calls out, and Chu Wanning doesn’t bother looking back as he marches towards the entrance of his apartment building.

Maybe he didn’t get a kiss, but he does feel that strange, light and foreign sensation again. Chu Wanning is too pragmatic to be hopeful about this aspect of his life, but he decides he can concede that the night with Mo Ran was fun, and the next one has the potential to be so as well.

Just a little.

A soft look is so foreign on Chu Wanning’s sharply handsome face that Mo Ran isn’t entirely sure that he’s not in a fever dream. Nor does he quite understand how he’s ended up here, and why he hasn’t lied to Mei Hanxue and told him that he bagged Chu Wanning after a better second date. 

It wasn’t that he had initially planned to ask Chu Wanning out on a third date, just— Chu Wanning had actually seemed amenable during this second date. Mo Ran hadn’t quite understood why, but Chu Wanning treated him like someone he actually wanted to have a conversation with.  

And, given Chu Wanning is famously cold and reserved, Mo Ran convinces himself that the third date is for believability. 

As he predicted, he wasn’t able to get a kiss on that second date. He didn’t try to begin with. That date had felt tentative. Even with Mo Ran’s best efforts, he was on tenterhooks for the first half. However, despite Chu Wanning’s initial hesitance to engage, Mo Ran did his best to be unfailingly nice and be a good date.

Part of it had been genuine guilt from the first date. Mo Ran may have clashed with Chu Wanning repeatedly, but even Chu Wanning doesn’t deserve to get ditched the way that he did. Part of it was also the bet; it lingers over him, reminding him of why he’s doing this. The fact that the date was actually a good time had come as a surprise.

So here he is, taking Chu Wanning out for the third time.

This time, Chu Wanning is dressed in a sweater vest that’s a size too large for him and khaki pants, paired with loafers, looking somewhat like a fashionable grandfather. Chu Wanning leans over to fix his seatbelt and his sweater crumples just enough for Mo Ran to catch a glimpse of his collarbone and that reminds Mo Ran of his age-old problem, one that threatens to resurface its head. 

Chu Wanning is really fucking hot. Mo Ran has  always known this; he will never deny this, no matter how much Chu Wanning’s pissed him off. Anyone with eyes would consider Chu Wanning attractive. When Mo Ran first started at Sisheng, he had a purer admiration for Chu Wanning’s beauty. As the time went on and their enmity grew, the admiration turned into simply wanting to fuck a better personality into Chu Wanning. 

More often than not, Mo Ran would fantasize about getting even by railing Chu Wanning so hard in a supply closet that Chu Wanning would cling onto him like he needed him and would forget how to say anything that wasn’t Mo Ran’s name. The six months Mo Ran spent avoiding him definitely helped with curbing those thoughts but now they’re in close proximity of each other more often, the fantasies are back in full force, trying to figure out what footing to take since Chu Wanning is less acidic towards Mo Ran compared to before.

For the third date, they go to a movie, one of Chu Wanning’s choices. He keeps trying to get Mo Ran to choose when they’re at the theater, and ends up landing on an action movie when his attempts are rebuffed. Chu Wanning watches with rapt attention the entire time, and Mo Ran keeps sneaking glimpses to his elegant profile, watching the way Chu Wanning’s lips part in concentration. 

The movie hums on in the background while Mo Ran’s stolen glances grow increasingly longer. Chu Wanning doesn’t notice when Mo Ran watches him lick his lips, too focused on the movie. When Chu Wanning is not snapping at Mo Ran, Mo Ran finds it easier to study his good looks.

It makes this bet a lot easier, a voice in the back of his head that sounds a rather lot like Mei Hanxue tells him, and Mo Ran immediately pushes the voice out of his head, not wanting to act weird on the date. Mo Ran zones out for most of the movie, but he does wrap a casual arm around the back of Chu Wanning’s, pressing gently against his shoulders, and Chu Wanning does not throw his drink at him in retaliation.

Chu Wanning does not have much time after the movie, because he has to leave early in the morning to fly out to a two-day meeting across the province, so they get some pork burgers and sit at tiny circular tables outside of the restaurant, idly chatting about the movie. 

During their last date, Mo Ran had been on guard, waiting for the moment Chu Wanning would insult him. Chu Wanning had let slip a few barbs here and there, but they seemed less intentional and more natural. They did not feel like the comments Chu Wanning had lobbed at him at work in the past, where it felt like the other man was peeling back Mo Ran’s exterior to loudly display all his flaws.

Well, that may not be fully fair either. Mo Ran had done a few foolhardy things to earn those insults. He will give Chu Wanning that.

But what they’re doing now is different in a way that’s hard to figure out. It’s not like a date with someone new, where Mo Ran is learning about them for the first time; yet, he’s seeing small shades of Chu Wanning he’s never seen before. It’s not a date with a beloved friend that he’s long had a crush on either, but they have that pre-existing relationship and shared experiences to commiserate over.

Well, some shared experiences. A small amount. Not all, because it would probably not be the best time for either of them to revisit old work memories.

To his surprise — a surprise that started on the second date and is currently ongoing — Mo Ran finds that it’s not awful. Once he’s coaxed Chu Wanning out of his shell, Chu Wanning does not make a bad dinner partner. Mo Ran assumes this part is what Xue Zhengyong gets to see, albeit in a (hopefully, he prays) less romantic context. When Chu Wanning has trouble holding back some cutting remarks, it is more entertaining than enraging.

It’s only the third date, Mo Ran reminds himself, but then pushes it away. It’s fine. He’s allowed to think it’s not the worst thing ever, especially when Chu Wanning hasn’t insulted him to the high heavens yet.

Plus, Chu Wanning does make for attractive company.

At the end of the night, Mo Ran parks on the curb and walks Chu Wanning to the front of his apartment building. Chu Wanning pauses at the door for a moment and Mo Ran is bemused for a moment before he remembers— right.

It would not have been an issue with anyone else. Hell, it’s something he’s easily gotten before offering or agreeing to a date. However, Mo Ran knows if he makes one misstep when it comes to engaging in physical contact with Chu Wanning, there is a non-zero chance that he will end up eviscerated. 

It’s not that Mo Ran is shy or reticent or holding out because of the goodness of his heart. He’s lucky Chu Wanning didn’t cut off his hand at the end of their last date— Mo Ran doesn’t even want to know what he would do if he misjudged the moment to land a mere kiss.

So he pulls Chu Wanning into a hug instead, an enveloping one where he makes a conscious effort to not squeeze too hard. Chu Wanning is frozen like a board for a second but raises his hands immediately after, tentatively resting them on Mo Ran’s back. It’s strange; Chu Wanning is a tall and elegant man, but he feels slender and small when Mo Ran has his arms wrapped around him.

“Have a good trip,” Mo Ran says, and adds with a wink, “And we should go out again when you’re back.”

Chu Wanning goes pink but doesn’t say no. Instead, he gives one of those imperceptible nods again, one that Mo Ran has quickly learned means a yes that he’s not going to verbalize. Mo Ran almost catches himself getting excited about it as he watches Chu Wanning’s figure retreat into the lobby of his apartment building.

Almost. It is not hard to ground himself.

When he reaches home to his own apartment, he sees he’s gotten a message from Mei Hanxue asking him how his date went. Mei Hanxue was great at extracting information from Mo Ran about there being a third date to begin with, and Mo Ran regrets caving in so easily. Mo Ran gives an abrupt reply, and Mei Hanxue sends a message back almost immediately.

I doubt you’ve slept with him yet, but did you kiss him?

Mo Ran stares at the message as he takes off his shoes and heads to his bedroom. He should lie.  He should tell Mei Hanxue that he’s gotten a kiss. He would still need to take Chu Wanning out again, because anyone who’s ever spent more than thirty seconds with Chu Wanning, which Mei Hanxue unfortunately has, knows that he does not warm up to people ever. Not in a platonic manner, and presumably not in a romantic manner either. Not that Mo Ran actually plans to tell Mei Hanxue if he sleeps with Chu Wanning—

—What the hell is he saying? Mo Ran shakes his head, trying to remember that this whole thing is a bet, and that lying to Mei Hanxue should come to him a lot easier than this. Mei Hanxue isn’t going to clock him on a lie, and it’s not like the man’s going to go up and ask Chu Wanning if it’s true that Mo Ran’s fucked him, let alone kissed him. 

Before he can reply, he gets another text.

So it’s a no, huh.

Mo Ran curses, but he immediately gets another notification— Mei Hanxue has sent him money, the same amount he sent last time.

What the hell, Mo Ran texts, and he can hear the shit-eating grin as Mei Hanxue texts back for your bravery and your service.

Mo Ran steams for a moment, torn between keeping Mei Hanxue’s money as a lesson and sending it back as— well, a lesson. Mo Ran hasn’t quite worked out the logistics of what it is he is teaching Mei Hanxue but either way, it feels cheap that Mei Hanxue is giving him pity money because Mo Ran can’t fulfill his end of the bet. And given that Mo Ran actually had a good time with Chu Wanning, seeing the notification settles a strange feeling within Mo Ran’s stomach.

In the end, he doesn’t send the money back. He does, however, fall asleep thinking of the way Chu Wanning looks when the cold pinkens his features. 

They go on another date when Chu Wanning comes back, and then another. In between, Mo Ran goes to a bar with Xue Meng and Rufeng’s young master, and ignores the obvious interest of a lithe and serpentine man who would really be his type for a one night stand any other day. He tells himself that it would be a disservice to Chu Wanning if he picked up the man’s salacious hints. A disservice to the spirit of the bet, he corrects himself. 

Mo Ran does not admit to himself that it is because the man can’t entice even the smallest spark of interest within Mo Ran. Mo Ran hasn’t been the type to really turn down getting off easily before, but when he is dating someone, he’s only ever focused on them. Even if it’s someone he’s dating for a wager.

Part of it may be also related to a pair of dignified lips that Mo Ran has yet to desecrate, despite his mind and gaze being occupied by them constantly. It could also be bony wrists peeking out from the sleeve of an expensive shirt, or long legs that taper up into an ass that Mo Ran just knows would fit perfectly in his hands. 

But Mo Ran staunchly believes that whatever it is, it is not related to any sort of deeper effect Chu Wanning is having on him. Because there is no deeper effect to speak of, even though Mo Ran’s steadily learning how Chu Wanning is when he’s not acting like a sharp blade. It’s only because it’s a novelty to see Chu Wanning smile that Mo Ran is enraptured when he does, he reasons to himself. 

It happens in small moments, like when Mo Ran makes a joke at his own expense, or orders dessert even when Chu Wanning says it’s fine. On their fifth date, Mo Ran shows up with an extra large, extra sugary cappuccino  with a truly atrocious amount of caramel sauce, and for the rest of the night, he can’t stop thinking about the way Chu Wanning’s eyes softened and his lips quirked up at the sight of the drink.

There’s also the fact that despite Mo Ran mentally preparing for Chu Wanning to rip him down at any given opportunity, it just… doesn’t happen. Chu Wanning rolls his eyes and makes a snippy comment every now and then, whether it be Mo Ran’s taste in food or music or t-shirts with extremely obscene language on the front, but whatever whip he wields at Sisheng has clearly been put away.

Probably because they aren’t at work, but Mo Ran digresses. He does not need to read too much into any of this, nor does he need to read into the way he is perpetually postponing his plans with other people, including Shi Mei.

Had it been Shi Mei texting him three years ago, Mo Ran would have jumped at his offer to hang out immediately, and would have considered his luck blessed.  If it had been two years ago, or even one, Mo Ran would have prioritized him over Chu Wanning. But Shi Mei asks first on a night when Mo Ran already has plans with Chu Wanning, and then on a night where Mo Ran intends to make plans with Chu Wanning. Now, Mo Ran leaves Shi Mei in the vaguely tentative time slot of “eventually” without a second thought.

He needs to focus on Chu Wanning. To get him comfortable enough to collect on the kiss, of course. The fact that Mo Ran may actually be enjoying himself on these dates is inconsequential.

And yes, he has not yet been able to lie to Mei Hanxue about what he’s done with Chu Wanning. It is out of fool’s honour, and also because Mei Hanxue keeps sending him money for each date Mo Ran goes on, complaining that Mo Ran will run him dry. Mo Ran has not touched anything that he has been sent, but it sits in his account as a stark reminder.

So for a good period of time, Mo Ran thinks he’s under control. He will be insistent on the fact, if anyone asks. He believes in it so much so that he doesn’t notice when his grasp starts to grow tenuous.

Not until it’s too late, and it’s already started to slip.

Mo Ran is dropping him off on foot this time— he had a client dinner near Chu Wanning’s apartment, and had decided to bother Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning had met him at a cafe a fifteen minute walk from his place, and had put away quite an impressive amount of pastries. Surprisingly, he let Mo Ran feed him a spoon of strawberry spongecake, and the image of Chu Wanning mindlessly licking whipped cream off the bottom of his lip has been burned into the back of Mo Ran’s eyelids.

They step out into the humid night, and Mo Ran frowns up at the sky. The bright lights of the city and buildings stretching into the sky illuminate a thick cover of clouds. Surely enough, a couple of minutes into the walk, it starts to drizzle.

“Should we take the subway?” Mo Ran asks, wiping drops of rain off his cheek. Chu Wanning shakes his head.

“Nonsense,” he replies. “It’s not raining that hard. We’re not that far away.”

It’s a fair observation, so they continue walking. A few minutes after that, the sky properly opens up and it starts to pour, thunder cracking loud over the din of the streets. It’s rather sudden, like a bucket being upturned, yet Chu Wanning seems to want to pretend it hasn’t happened at all.

“The subway’s probably not a bad idea right now,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning simply grunts and marches on ahead, like the weather dared to defy his orders. In return, it rains harder. Mo Ran stares at him for a moment before he rolls his eyes and slips off his overcoat, pulling it over his head to cover himself.

He jogs up to Chu Wanning’s side and Chu Wanning startles for a moment when he bumps against him. 

“Hold this side—” Mo Ran starts. “Don’t be stubborn, Wanning. Just take it. It’s clearly raining.”

Chu Wanning grumbles as he picks up the other side of Mo Ran’s coat and helps hold it up over the both of them. Mo Ran slides his now-free arm around Chu Wanning’s waist as he adjusts the coat, making sure that it covers Chu Wanning’s hair. Chu Wanning will kill Mo Ran for ever voicing this, but Mo Ran bets that anyone at Sisheng has noticed how easily Chu Wanning falls sick any time the weather turns. He looks especially funny when he’s insistent that he doesn’t have a cold but is made to stay home, and has to be video conferenced into meetings. Mo Ran has sat through one of them, and the sight of a belligerently red and stuffed up Chu Wanning wearing a haphazard suit as he delivered a nasally presentation gave him more amusement than it had any right to.

Chu Wanning’s grumbling tapers off as Mo Ran starts to guide them through the people running in all directions to escape the rain. The overcoat doesn’t do much to help the rain from battering against them, and Mo Ran is close to strong-arming Chu Wanning into at least stepping into some shelter so that they can wait out the weather as it only grows stronger.

But it’s not like they’re too far from Chu Wanning’s place now. And anyways, Chu Wanning is solid against Mo Ran, his waist as lean as it looks. Mo Ran gives it a squeeze without thinking, and Chu Wanning lets out a sound of surprise.

“Sorry,” Mo Ran says sheepishly. “Thought I was going to trip.”

Chu Wanning looks indignant at the lie for a moment, impressively while he’s still walking. Yet, Mo Ran feels Chu Wanning lean into him as they continue to walk back as fast as they can.

There’s construction at the front of the apartment, so Chu Wanning tells Mo Ran he’ll go in through the side stairwell. It’s down an alley and up a set of concrete steps and Mo Ran holds the jacket up as Chu Wanning fumbles with his keys. Mo Ran intends to just drop him off here and hightail it to the subway, but Chu Wanning grabs the other end of his overcoat again and yanks the two of them in. As soon the door closes behind them, Chu Wanning turns on Mo Ran.

“Your shirt is wet,” he states, looking at Mo Ran once over. Mo Ran looks down and— yeah, his dress shirt is soaked through where his suit jacket didn’t cover it. Thankfully, it’s only translucent enough to show some of the skin of his collarbone and the outline of his undershirt. He’s sure if the shirt soaked through across his chest, one of his more colourful secrets would be revealed and Chu Wanning would have a conniption.

“I’ll make sure to change it,” Mo Ran says gingerly, examining the wet cloth of his shirt. 

Unfortunately for him, Chu Wanning had kept his own light grey coat on, so Mo Ran is only treated to his hair sticking out in all directions, some odd damp ends plastered to his forehead. It’s still pretty cute, further enhanced by the fact that Chu Wanning is eying him like a particularly disdainful cat.  

The cool weather seems to have had more of an effect on Chu Wanning; his skin is particularly pale from the cold, while his lips are redder than ever. It lends him a particularly alluring air, especially when his eyes start to drift down Mo Ran’s torso.

Mo Ran clears his throat and Chu Wanning’s gaze immediately snaps up; he takes a step back, and Mo Ran happily takes a step forward, drawing closer to him. They are silent for a few seconds, and Mo Ran barely feels the discomfort of his clothes being wet. Chu Wanning licks his lower lip, like he’s thinking, and the movement is hypnotic. Mo Ran can’t help but fixate on the action, watching as the thin lips part slightly.

They’ve still yet to kiss; Mo Ran has not yet found a proper time to do so. He’s starkly reminded of this fact as he looks at Chu Wanning in this dimly lit stairwell, feeling warm despite the cold chill of his clothes.

“Do you want to wait out the rain?” Chu Wanning asks, and Mo Ran frowns, still partially entranced by Chu Wanning’s mouth.  

“In the stairwell?” Mo Ran asks without thinking, and Chu Wanning gives him a look that’s flatter than a board. Yet, pink dusts across his cheeks and Chu Wanning gives an awkward cough. 

“In my apartment,” Chu Wanning replies quietly, sounding a little less firm. Mo Ran perks up at the invitation nonetheless, and raises an eyebrow. Bravely, Chu Wanning holds his gaze.  Mo Ran thinks for a moment he misheard, so he decides to tread carefully.

“I wouldn’t want to bother you,” Mo Ran says slowly, and Chu Wanning shakes his head lightly.

“It would be no trouble,” Chu Wanning says, words awkward as they stumble out of his mouth. It is so immensely fascinating to Mo Ran, and the sound of the rain pattering hard against the small window of the door fades to the background. “I can… make you some tea.”

It is not the most elegant proposition that Mo Ran has ever heard. He would not be surprised if it was not a proposition at all, and Chu Wanning in all his straightforward irreproachability is really just offering a dry roof for Mo Ran. Nonetheless, Mo Ran feels his blood start to heat as his mind starts to vividly put together the next few minutes of his life.

Mo Ran’s imagination hasn’t run away so quickly since he was a teenager, but by the time Chu Wanning says an expectant “Mo Ran?”, he’s already in a lowly lit bedroom, peeling a damp undershirt off Chu Wanning’s body as he makes a proper effort to warm the other man up. Mo Ran manages to snap back to attention, and huffs lightly.

“Make me some tea?” He wears a wolfish grin as he looks at Chu Wanning, taking another step towards him. Chu Wanning sinks further back against the wall, but he doesn’t step to the side. Encouraged, Mo Ran leans in just a little closer, and purrs, “And here I thought you were a gentleman, Wanning.”

A medley of very visible and strong emotions make their way across Chu Wanning’s face. Mo Ran would feel bad for teasing if he wasn’t so amused by it. Chu Wanning finally settles on a beautifully aggrieved expression, refusing to break the deadlock of their gaze.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” Chu Wanning snips. “It’s just cold outside.”

Mo Ran still cannot tell if it was actually a proposition. Making one seems to go against Chu Wanning’s character, yet if it was not a proposition,  it would simply make this more entertaining.

“You didn’t?” Mo Ran prods, and the furrow between Chu Wanning’s brow deepens. He has the urge to kiss it, just like he has the urge to tug at the collar of Chu Wanning’s clothes and see if he’d get gooseflesh from the cool air. Mo Ran really can’t help it. “The way you phrased it sounded like you were propositioning me, Mister Chu.”

That gets Chu Wanning properly flustered and Mo Ran can see his arm twitch, probably to push Mo Ran away. Beating him to the chase, Mo Ran raises his own hand so that he can pinch Chu Wanning’s chin between his fingers and tilt his head up. It’s pleasing how easily Chu Wanning follows, and Mo Ran openly stares at the soft line of his mouth.

Chu Wanning’s gaze grows heavy, and Mo Ran is suddenly struck by a pang of sobriety as he wonders what Chu Wanning thinks of this all. Mo Ran has his own reason for why he’s going out with Chu Wanning, but why has Chu Wanning agreed so quickly to it? Why is he going along with what Mo Ran is doing to this extent? Mo Ran thought Chu Wanning was tolerating him out of morbid curiosity—

— but isn’t this what Mo Ran wanted anyways? For—

— Chu Wanning exhales, and there’s a fine, nervous tremor to it. Mo Ran’s brain abruptly boots rational thought out of his head, deciding instead to be firmly rooted in the moment. The tip of Chu Wanning’s tongue — small, Mo Ran notes — wets his bottom lip, and Mo Ran is mesmerized by it, all contemplation  of reason falling to the wayside.

“It’s a shame,” Mo Ran murmurs, realizing that without thinking, he’s now a hair’s width away from Chu Wanning’s face. Chu Wanning isn’t throwing him off, isn’t calling him shameless, isn’t turning tail and running. Instead, his mouth is parted, inviting, his eyes at half-mast. 

Mo Ran would be lying if he says that he has not visited this a hundred times in his dreams over the years. Yet, none of the anger, none of the incredulity that had been there before is present now. Rather, there is a low burning hunger that he’s always had, one that is finally allowed to exist on its own.

“If it was a proposition,” Mo Ran says, voice so low and raspy that he barely recognizes it himself. “I would have been inclined to accept.”

The first touch of their lips is so charged that it crackles. Chu Wanning freezes for the first two seconds, but the moment Mo Ran wraps his arms around Chu Wanning’s waist, he melts. The reaction is so fast that Mo Ran has to stop himself from swaying and barrelling forward in equal measures. Chu Wanning is soft and uncertain, the pressure he returns is tentative and warm; it is entirely at odds with the stern, icelike man that he normally is.

(Except, Mo Ran cannot even claim the latter to be true anymore.)

Chu Wanning starts to slump against the wall as Mo Ran kisses him, sinking his weight into Mo Ran’s embrace. His lips are soft and uncertain, but seemingly eager to act as a conduit for whatever Mo Ran wants. Chu Wanning’s hands snake up between them and press lightly against Mo Ran’s chest; the moment Mo Ran pauses, slender fingers curl into his coat and cling, a silent request from their master.

It feels good like this. The pressure, the hesitance and eagerness playing side by side, the soft plush of Chu Wanning’s lips against his own. Mo Ran exhales through his nose, but it does not center him in the way he hoped it would. When he inhales again, he can smell the rain and the faint hint of Chu Wanning’s cologne, intertwined into a scent that’s haunting.

He wants more. He thinks Chu Wanning just might give it to him.

Carefully, Mo Ran deepens the kiss, swiping his tongue along the bottom of Chu Wanning’s lip, doing his best not to get too greedy too quickly as Chu Wanning lets him in. He wants to though, especially when he feels that small tongue brush against his. Mo Ran licks into Chu Wanning’s mouth, the warmth near dizzying. 

It is better than anything Mo Ran has idly daydreamed. He wants to pick Chu Wanning up and hold him against the wall, kiss him ferociously and grind their lower halves together, but he settles on gently sucking on the tip of Chu Wanning’s tongue. Chu Wanning’s body increasingly goes limp, relying on Mo Ran’s support.

Mo Ran doesn’t think he’s ever had someone submit so instantly to his touch, and his hunger deepens as they kiss in the stairwell. Chu Wanning makes one soft sound, then another, and Mo Ran kisses him thoroughly, trying to draw more out. He has to stop himself from getting too fierce but it’s incredibly hard, given how pliant Chu Wanning has grown.

He chases as much of Chu Wanning’s taste as he can with his tongue. Mo Ran thinks he’s losing his mind— kissing Chu Wanning shouldn’t be like this, so warm and sweet like fresh honey, even if his body is running cold from the weather. Chu Wanning’s touch makes the world melt away around them, and Mo Ran can feel his blood thunder in his ears. 

Mo Ran brings them closer together, till there’s no distance left between them, till Chu Wanning’s pressed against the wall as if Mo Ran wants to leave an imprint against the drywall. The water from Mo Ran’s suit sponges onto Chu Wanning’s coat, but Mo Ran is too adept at sucking on Chu Wanning’s tongue for the man to notice. He tilts his head and groans into Chu Wanning’s mouth, squeezing his arms around him.

It is one of the more intense kisses Mo Ran has experienced; he feels feverish with how much he wants. Chu Wanning must feel it too, because despite Mo Ran’s grip on him, he still trembles lightly. He may be even nervous, for reasons Mo Ran can’t place— perhaps because he’s allowing himself to act human for a change, instead of acting better than everyone else.

That’s not fair to him, Mo Ran’s mind immediately corrects himself, because he’s lost in this as much as Chu Wanning. There is no space for him to introspect though, his thoughts very thoroughly occupied by Chu Wanning. He gently bites Chu Wanning’s lower lip and Chu Wanning makes a surprised sound so divine that Mo Ran has to draw back, otherwise he will truly lose all of his senses.

“Ah...” Mo Ran breathes out, looking down at Chu Wanning. 

He’s not been able to pull more than a centimeters away, utterly entranced by how Chu Wanning looks like a mess, hair further rumpled and lips incredibly kiss-bitten. The perpetual worried pinch of his brow has completely relaxed, lending Chu Wanning a rather dazed look. 

Mo Ran is so turned on that he forgets himself for a moment. It would be so easy, he thinks, to fall into bed with Chu Wanning. Mo Ran has dreamed so many times of taking Chu Wanning apart, even before the stupid bet, even when he hated him. Now, knowing how he is when he isn’t baring his fangs, knowing how he is at his sweetest point, Mo Ran’s brain clamours to take Chu Wanning up on his offer.

But before he can make any sort of executive decision, the door to the stairwell opens two floors up, and the people coming out are chattering loud enough that the two men spring apart. Mo Ran curses as he hears the sound of footsteps, and looks towards Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning has gone instantly red to his roots and Mo Ran immediately knows his invitation is as good as gone.

“Wanning—” he starts, but Chu Wanning interjects before he can say anything.

“I— Thank you for tonight,” Chu Wanning says, straightening out his collar and clearing his throat. His voice wavers near the end of his words, and the heat of his blush is so strong that Mo Ran can practically feel it. It would be a peculiar sight on most grown men but on Chu Wanning, it’s only serving to make him look more appetizing. 

But Chu Wanning clears his throat again, three more times to the point where Mo Ran asks him if he’s caught a cold. That leads Chu Wanning to give him a brisk goodbye and partially run away, almost crashing into the other tenants as he darts up the stairs. Mo Ran stares first at Chu Wanning ascending the stairs rapidly and then, when he’s out of sight, the space where he had Chu Wanning pinned mere moments ago.

Mo Ran can’t stand in the stairwell looking stupefied for too long given that he’s in the company of strangers, so he decides instead to work through it on the subway ride home. He doesn’t think he blinks till he reaches back home.

By the time he’s back at his own apartment. Mo Ran still hasn’t gotten the visual of a wrecked Chu Wanning out of his brain. It’s branded into his memory with a hot iron, and all he knows is that he craves more. He kicks himself over not taking up Chu Wanning’s invitation quicker. Even if Chu Wanning truly meant to invite him up for tea and nothing more, Mo Ran would have at least spent some more time in his company instead of standing soaked on the subway train, dripping wet as he stared at his own reflection in the darkened windows.

That thought makes Mo Ran pause for a moment, midway through shedding off his damp overcoat. It’s cut through with the buzz of his phone, and Mo Ran reels back.

As it normally does after every date, as if he has some eerie foresight into when Mo Ran’s home, Mei Hanxue texts Mo Ran and asks him how it went. The text irks Mo Ran for some reason, but he replies a curt fine, and I kissed him so stop asking, to Mei Hanxue. He then gets a notification for a bank transfer, just as he texts Chu Wanning that he’s reached home and to have a good night.

Mo Ran frowns at the phone. Instead of mild amusement at the money, he gets a queasy feeling instead. 

…But this was what he had been doing all this for in the end anyways, wasn’t it?

Mo Ran shakes his head and turns off his phone completely. He leaves it on a side table as he makes way into his bathroom, eager to peel off his wet clothes.

In the shower, he runs the water hot and replays the kiss over and over again, despite his best efforts. The more he tries to shed the rosy glow that’s settled over him and remind himself that this kiss was with Chu Wanning, of all people, the harder he gets. 

Being so turned on isn’t completely unexpected, but there’s a strange patina of guilt to it that Mo Ran has yet to identify. He grits his teeth and jerks off to the thought of kissing Chu Wanning — not even a prolonged fantasy where he fucks him in the starewell — and slams his hand against the wet tile in frustration when he comes.

The clarity that normally comes evades him— instead, the past few weeks swim in Mo Ran’s head in a way that he can’t make the shape of, despite his best efforts to empty it out. Mo Ran has convinced himself so deeply that he’s done a good job of guarding against any feelings, and that he’s just trying to act like a decent human being. Despite the fact that what he’s doing is not decent, and what he wants to do is incredibly indecent.

Maybe this strange turning sensation he feels in his chest is just because he’s spent a healthy amount of time now in Chu Wanning’s close proximity. That’s all that it is. After all, a few weeks of exposure therapy disguised in the form of a few dates can’t undo the bad blood that has existed between them for years.

(But deep in the recesses of his mind, Mo Ran has the faintest inkling that he may just be in over his head.)

Chapter Text

Chu Wanning is on the verge of having a relationship. He thinks. He’s pretty sure. Almost, at least, anyways.

They’ve gone on quite a few dates now. Mo Ran has taken him out for dinners, for movies, to galleries and museums and other similar places, as well as finally to the botanical gardens that keep closing before they have time to get to it. Chu Wanning assumes that if Mo Ran is doing this regularly with him and no one else, it probably means something.

He doesn’t want to assume though— from what Chu Wanning hears, it’s not always that clear cut when it comes to relationships. And it’s embarrassing to admit, but Chu Wanning has a distinct lack of experience in this department. It’s not that Chu Wanning has been averse to romance or relationships. He’s just been acutely aware for a long time that it would not matter if he wanted one; the chances of him being in one was minimal.

So, this thing with Mo Ran comes as a surprise.

Chu Wanning had worked hard to hide the crush he developed on Mo Ran years ago; it had resulted in him being harsher than warranted towards the man, like a scared animal lashing out. Except Chu Wanning didn’t have an excuse, because he wasn’t a terrified animal. Just an unsocialized man who had been taken in by intelligence, a sweet smile, and behaviour that, at the beginning, was unfailingly courteous. Chu Wanning didn’t know how to react to someone who was unfortunately both roguishly handsome, and had the rare capability of making jokes that didn’t make Chu Wanning want to hurl him out the window.

Not that Chu Wanning had ever let on any of that. He had first been in strong denial for a long time, before sliding into baleful acceptance and then learning how to live with it. Unfortunately, by then he had already been established as cold and cruel in Mo Ran’s eyes. 

It hadn’t helped that there were moments where he had to take a harsher stance against Mo Ran, against all three of the men in that group for their better interests, preferring to break their fresh-out-of-college naivety with his own hands instead of leaving them to the mercy of others. Xue Meng and Shi Mei had kept their resentment quiet, while near the end of their time together, Mo Ran kept flying off the handle. It didn’t help either, that the small trio could be impulsive.

Chu Wanning had attempted exactly once to explain why he was refusing to let them secure on their own what they saw as a career-building project another company tried to contract out to them. They hadn’t listened and had tried to go under his nose, but he found out and had immediately put a pin in it. It hadn’t been a loud argument that Mo Ran had brought to his office, but it had been a vitriolic one, and since then, the blood between them had remained bad.

Even though the company that picked up the contract ended up getting entangled in a lawsuit the other company had secretly been hiding, Chu Wanning did not feel any vindication. Primarily because by the time that had been revealed, a couple of years had already passed. Xue Meng and Mo Ran had already moved on to new positions and Shi Mei had been preparing to leave Sisheng. 

Chu Wanning knows his strict, overbearing personality must be half the reason Mo Ran turned jagged over the years; it must have been a breath of fresh air for Mo Ran when he no longer had to be Chu Wanning’s subordinate. Chu Wanning does not blame Mo Ran for hiding from him in the halls.

He does, however, blame himself for being lonely enough that he could never let go of his crush on Mo Ran.

So, Chu Wanning almost doesn’t want to believe in this sudden turn of events. It’s hard not to be self-conscious but at the same time, trying to find out the “why” may require him to re-examine all the ugly parts of himself to see what exactly had changed Mo Ran’s mind. The thought that Mo Ran is finally going to let up and tell Chu Wanning what he really wants from him dims in the back of Chu Wanning’s head, but never truly flickers out.

Chu Wanning manages to breach the topic once, awkwardly. It’s another rainy spring day, and they’re sitting out the weather in a tiny coffee shop. Mo Ran had caught a cold after the last time Chu Wanning tried to beat the rain and passed it on to Chu Wanning, so Chu Wanning has resolutely decided that if they don’t have an umbrella or can get on the subway, they need to wait things out. Mo Ran’s insistence that it was Chu Wanning who had caught the cold and gave it to him goes pointedly ignored. 

A question lingers in his mind when he sees the cashier smile a little too widely at Mo Ran, and seems reluctant to let him go once they pass him his order. Mo Ran gives a polite smile in return, and deflects them enough to steer back to the tiny table in the corner where Chu Wanning’s waiting. Mo Ran hasn’t done anything, yet sharp jealousy spikes within Chu Wanning. Not a lot, but just enough for Chu Wanning to want to know if Mo Ran is doing this with anyone else. 

Just for his own peace of mind.

Ultimately, it manifests in Chu Wanning blurting the question out a few minutes later, after he’s rebuffed a few of Mo Ran’s attempts at conversation. It’s embarrassing enough that Chu Wanning would rather not recall it in its entirety. 

What he does remember though is Mo Ran blinking at Chu Wanning and asking in an incredibly bemused voice, who else Chu Wanning thinks he would be taking out on dates. Chu Wanning coughs and grumbles about just wanting to know, and Mo Ran studies his face in silence for a few moments before he reaches over and gives Chu Wanning’s cheek a juvenile pinch, telling him that he’s the only one Mo Ran is seeing. 

He adds too, that Chu Wanning is the only one he wants to see, which warms Chu Wanning’s heart until Mo Ran jokingly bemoans that Chu Wanning is eating through too much of his wallet for Mo Ran to see anyone else. Chu Wanning opens his mouth, scandalised and ready to admonish, but Mo Ran pushes a tiny lotus pastry past his lips instead.

At the end of that night, Mo Ran kisses Chu Wanning slow and sweet before bidding him goodnight. It’s not as heated as the kiss on the stairwell— they’ve had a few rare kisses in the couple of weeks since then, and neither of them have been as consuming. Chu Wanning can feel Mo Ran smile against each of them, and they make his own stomach feel light.

Yet, Chu Wanning can’t help but notice that Mo Ran is surprisingly reticent with his touch. It isn’t something that Chu Wanning had expected, given what he’s heard, most of the time from Mo Ran himself when he thought it was only him and Xue Meng hanging out in the hallway. 

Chu Wanning is not an indecent man, but he knows Mo Ran has the full capability to be one, and had thought that he would exercise said capability by now. Chu Wanning had seen him use it readily at Miaoyin, on the same night he had first asked Chu Wanning out. Seeing Mo Ran so lushly entrap a stranger had made Chu Wanning take Mo Ran less seriously; now, he’s at a loss.

(He also, embarrassingly, could have just fallen prey to a young man’s braggadocio. Chu Wanning has too much pride to admit it.)

Either way, it is not something he knows how to approach. Nor does he have anything enticing to offer in that department. But it doesn’t stop Chu Wanning from having a cloying desire to be touched every time he is in Mo Ran’s presence.

Chu Wanning needs to exercise more control over his thoughts. Mo Ran’s hands are sturdy, and his dimpled smile makes Chu Wanning feel funny no matter how many times he sees it. The cut of his jaw, his broad shoulders, his dark eyes— all these things haunt Chu Wanning more, now that he spends time alone with this man.

It is like looking at the moon; enigmatic, but out of reach, even though it’s right in front of him. Perhaps Mo Ran is waiting for Chu Wanning to soften his edges, or perhaps Chu Wanning has yet to appeal to him in that manner. Chu Wanning wants, so much so that he finds his fingers curl when he’s driven home, so much so that he needs to measure his breathing when Mo Ran pulls apart from a relatively chaste kiss.

He should be grateful for whatever he gets, Chu Wanning knows. Yet still, something dark within him yearns.

Mo Ran is on the cusp of something that he is choosing not to acknowledge. 

That something might be troublesome. 

The ghost of their heated kiss lingers on his lips, only partially abated by the chaste ones he gives at the end of the dates that he is still taking Chu Wanning on. Mo Ran has not seen a reason to stop; Chu Wanning seems to like them enough. Mo Ran does too, though he adamantly tries not to think about what that means. 

And there’s that bet too, lodged firmly in the back of his brain, making itself known any time he gets too comfortable. He does not tell Mei Hanxue about all the dates. Mo Ran tells himself it is out of consideration for his friend’s wallet, and not because seeing the bank notification does not give him as much satisfaction as it should.

It would have been convenient if Mo Ran only had to deal with his lust getting stoked. That, he would have known how to handle. That, at least, would make sense. But something else simmers within him as he keeps asking Chu Wanning out, and Chu Wanning keeps saying yes. 

There is a possibility that it is just because of exposure. Mo Ran tells himself repeatedly that he’s only feeling this way because he’s spending more time with Chu Wanning; what he can’t explain is the way the man stays on his mind in between. It’s not simply the way Chu Wanning tastes, or a lewd fantasy of him naked and squirming around Mo Ran. Mo Ran catches himself revisiting small details of their dates, like the way Chu Wanning leans in the instant an arm goes around his shoulders, or the way he grudgingly smiles at some stupid jokes, and has to put a stop to it before he travels down a certain road. 

Chu Wanning had asked him if he was seeing anyone else; Mo Ran had answered honestly. He doesn’t know who else he would be doing this with, given just how much brain space this situation takes up. Every time he dares to look inwards, he sees a tangled knot, one where he’s unable to make out what parts of him still hate Chu Wanning, and what parts of him have started to shift.

Mo Ran tries to take his mind off of it by finally accepting Shi Mei’s invitation for drinks to properly catch up. Yet, even as he spots Shi Mei across the half-empty bar and raises a hand in greeting, he’s thinking about the way the way he and Chu Wanning had caught sight of each other in the hall in the morning, and the surprised (then indignant look) Chu Wanning had given when Mo Ran had slyly winked at him. 

He had put so much thought into avoiding Chu Wanning for six months; Mo Ran hadn’t realized that even then, Chu Wanning had occupied his thoughts. There is a possibility that he still hasn’t.

It’s just him and Shi Mei this evening. Mo Ran would have been frothing at the bit for this opportunity a few years ago but now, there’s a tinge of awkwardness to the situation. Outside of their last fortuitous meeting, Mo Ran hasn’t seen Shi Mei in a long, long time. 

Well, almost. Their last encounter doesn’t really count. He still feels a sting of guilt at the thought of their last meeting, remembering how he completely forgot about Chu Wanning. Like many other emotions he’s had recently, Mo Ran has decided to compartmentalize that memory and tuck it away.

Shi Mei calls out his name over the din as Mo Ran approaches, and Mo Ran tips his head in greeting as he takes a seat on one of the lounge chairs across from him.

As promised, Shi Mei’s already bought them their first round of drinks, gin for himself and a whiskey sour for Mo Ran. Mo Ran had invited Xue Meng to act as a bridge between the two, but Xue Meng had made some lame excuse to bug off. Ironic, given how when Mo Ran did constantly seek out Shi Mei in the past, Xue Meng had always been in the way. 

“Work finally set you free?” Shi Mei smiles pleasantly enough, and Mo Ran returns it with a good-natured roll of his eyes before smoothly turning the question around and asking Shi Mei if he’s found a job to entrap him yet.

Mo Ran does a good job of listening, and prodding Shi Mei further about Guyueye. Shi Mei is mostly the same; his voice is still even and calm, his smile is still gentle, he still calls Mo Ran A-Ran with some tinge of fondness reserved for childhood friends. His eyes are sharper though, and Mo Ran can tell the way Shi Mei measures his voice at every turn, inviting others to speak while rarely revealing anything about himself. It has been like this since before he had gone to Guyueye, but Mo Ran had not been able to see it for years, clouded by his naivete.

It is not till now though, that Mo Ran comes to the understanding that this may have been a skill Shi Mei had picked up from Chu Wanning. They both, Mo Ran realizes, calculate their words with similar intensity. The two men just use it to different ends.

Chu Wanning is not dishonest, nor is he deceitful. He is blunt, perhaps too much so. However, he hasn’t risen to a high position by his mid-thirties by sheer luck; Chu Wanning, as unsocialized as Mo Ran may joke him to be, is sharp at what he does. Even when his words are vicious, they are measured precisely for the strongest impact. Both Shi Mei and Chu Wanning use their words as shields, deflecting so that the other person may not find out who they are. 

Perhaps working with people like these has taught Mo Ran how to identify it in others.

Of course this falls away when Mo Ran takes him out outside of work. There, Chu Wanning seems easily flustered and indignant. He has a hidden, dry sense of humour too, that emerges whenever the evening wears on and he’s clearly gotten more comfortable around Mo Ran’s presence. To an outsider, it would simply seem like Chu Wanning is delivering more insults, but Mo Ran has steadily learned where the line actually is.

“A-Ran?” Shi Mei’s voice snaps Mo Ran out of it and he blinks for a moment before he hums at Shi Mei. He hides his own surprise at having his thoughts drift so easily towards Chu Wanning, but by the way Shi Mei’s smile is frozen on his face, Mo Ran may not do as good a job as he should.

“Sorry,” Mo Ran says sheepishly, waving a hand in front of his own face for a moment in a vague gesture. “I drifted.”

“Everything alright?” Shi Mei asks, looking at Mo Ran with some concern.

“Just a long day at work,” Mo Ran says, downing the rest of his drink in one go. “You know how it is. You end every day at Sisheng with your ears ringing.”

Shi Mei laughs at that, and raises his glass in Mo Ran’s direction before taking a deep swig. “Tell me about it,” he says, setting down his drink and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “However, I remember when I was there, the main cause of that was you and Xue Meng.”

“Hey, that’s not fair!” Mo Ran half-heartedly protests. “It wasn’t my fault, you know how it was when we had that…”

He trails off, not finding the heart to finish his age-old rebuttal of “you know how it was when we had that cold devil for a manager ”. Were it even simply three months ago, Mo Ran would have jumped in with no hesitation to rant about how there wouldn’t have been as many arguments if Chu Wanning wasn’t such a tight ass when it came to running ship. 

However, the words don’t come as easily to him. He’s not sure why— regardless of what’s happening now, it’s not as if the past has changed.

Shi Mei raises a bemused eyebrow, and a solid twenty seconds of stilted silence passes between them. Mo Ran grits his teeth, trying to find a save, but ultimately, it’s Shi Mei that breaks the lull in conversation with a laugh.

“I’m glad you’re growing as a person,” Shi Mei says, raising his glass towards Mo Ran. “And not immediately flying into a rage about Chu-laoshi. Cheers.”

Mo Ran sputters for a moment, immediately feeling his ears heat before remembering that there’s no way that Shi Mei knows. 

“We’re alright now,” Mo Ran says, and Shi Mei hums thoughtfully. He’s undoubtedly remembering the way Mo Ran forgot about Chu Wanning in the restaurant, but Mo Ran feels rather indignant. 

“Is he doing well?” Shi Mei asks. “I wanted to see if he wanted to meet up as well, but you know how precious his time is.”

“I don’t think he would turn you down,” Mo Ran replies, words awkward. He knows Shi Mei is probably referring to how Chu Wanning was perpetually busy, so much so that he barely made it to any one of the company’s social functions, save for a charity event here and an employee appreciation day there.

But hearing Shi Mei talk about it is souring the back of his tongue in a way he can’t pinpoint. Memories bubble up of Chu Wanning being unsubtle about not wanting to be in the same room as Mo Ran no matter how much Mo Ran had been trying to impress him,and Chu Wanning taking time with Xue Meng and Shi Mei to teach but only hanging back around Mo Ran if he messed up, just to rub it in.

It’s past us now, Mo Ran reminds himself, but that doesn’t make it any better. Mo Ran clears his throat, dispelling the thoughts just as Shi Mei says, “If you say so. I’ll ask him then.”

The smile that Mo Ran gives in turn doesn’t quite reach his eyes. It’s not a particularly hard to read expression, and the corner of Shi Mei’s mouth quirks up. He tentatively says, “No longer working together probably did you both a favour.”

“He still finds a way to make his presence known,” Mo Ran says dryly, and Shi Mei huffs.

“It’s his strange way of looking out for us,” Shi Mei says. “You already knew that, A-Ran. He’s not a man that can use his words directly to show he cares.”

Mo Ran’s brows pinch, and he’s about to ask Shi Mei to clarify what exactly he already knew, but the sound of a phone ringing cuts through the conversation.

“Oh, it’s Xue Meng,” Shi Mei squints at his phone. He mouths a “hold on” to Mo Ran before cupping one ear and holding up his phone to the other to hear Xue Meng better.

Mo Ran wants to prod Shi Mei and see if that ‘us’ includes Mo Ran, because he knows that each one of the three of them experienced a very different initiation into Sisheng compared to each other. Mo Ran half-listens to Shi Mei say the address of the bar into the phone, flashing him a thumbs up as Shi Mei looks at him in silent question.

Well, it wouldn’t do to dwell on the past now anyways. Not when he and Chu Wanning are experiencing a present that is radically changed. Their circumstances are different now; the fact that it is by design more than coincidence sits like a dark elephant in the corner of Mo Ran’s mind.

Thankfully, distraction comes in the form of Xue Meng deciding to come along for the night after all, towing along Nangong Si and two other people from Rufeng that Mo Ran has met in passing. Their group for the night suddenly expands and while Mo Ran is still curious about what Shi Mei meant, he’s also relieved that the topic of Chu Wanning has been dropped for the night.

The rest of the evening serves well enough as a diversion, and Mo Ran manages to fob off any appearance of being distracted as just being tired from work. The two women from Rufeng quickly lose their polite interest in him, and it barely takes any time for Nangong Si to start to flash his wealth, buying copious amounts of alcohol for the table.

It’s a pleasant enough time. Everyone except for Mo Ran gets roaringly drunk. Every now and then, Shi Mei shoots him a questioning look, but Mo Ran shakes his head, making sure to keep his expression closed off from the other man. He finds his thoughts drifting regularly, and at one point, his thoughts swim so much that he sends Chu Wanning an aimless text.

Hope you’re having a better night than I am, Mo Ran sends just as the sound of five shot glasses simultaneously slamming down makes the table shudder. He locks his phone and puts it away, not expecting a reply— Chu Wanning isn’t really a casual texter, per se.

Eventually, having been the one that’s remained relatively sober, Mo Ran has to drag all of them out by their collars at the end of the night. He manages to skillfully coordinate calling a car from their phones for each of them, before managing to flag one down on his own.

By the time he gets home, he’s utterly exhausted and mellowed out, thrown by the old emotion that had resurfaced earlier. 

For a long time, Mo Ran thought he only knew anger when it came to Chu Wanning. It’s what he thought he felt towards him for the past few years, and what he long accepted would be the only thing to exist between the two of them. 

Their relationship was a barren wasteland where nothing could grow, nor could any warmth be found. Except that is clearly not the case now. Shi Mei’s words keep oscillating in his brain, hinting at something but never fully revealing it.

It’s strange and makes him feel out of his depth, and Mo Ran can’t gauge it. In order to be someone Chu Wanning will say yes to, Mo Ran has curbed his temper and made an active effort to be nicer to the man. 

Except increasingly,the more dates they go on, he finds that he doesn’t really need any effort at all. Being nice to Chu Wanning comes a lot more naturally to Mo Ran than he thought it would. And on top of that, Chu Wanning’s presence is nowhere as volatile as it was even a mere half a year ago. 

They can share a meal together now, take a walk together, go to museums and movies and aquariums together without going at each other’s throats. Mo Ran has had a reason to act civil, but the fact that Chu Wanning has been acting so as well is throwing him for a loop.

He had expected to get a Chu Wanning that is cold and cruel and eager to find fault within Mo Ran. He had expected, in fact, to have a Chu Wanning that would fly into a rage at the mere hint of Mo Ran directing any sort of romantic gestures towards him. Mo Ran doesn’t know what to do with the fact that the Chu Wanning he got is a softer one, one that still snaps at him but without heat or any actual venom, one that responds to Mo Ran with a tentative shyness and not anger.

Mo Ran doesn’t know what to do with the fact that when the two of them aren’t fighting like an aggrieved cat and dog, it’s… not terrible. 

Were this any other time or any other situation, Mo Ran would have just rolled with it. An insidious voice inside his head tells him that were it any other person, Mo Ran would not have had a hard time keeping the lines clear in his own head and getting what he needed to fulfil the bet.  

And were it indeed any other person, Mo Ran doesn’t think he would have felt the way he feels. Whatever passionate anger he’s had towards Chu Wanning has been slingshot around his emotional core, rapidly turning into something he can’t name but is equally fiery.  

Perhaps since the anger has dimmed and lust has filled the empty spaces, but that too he can’t fully reconcile with. There is a very real possibility that Mo Ran may actually be enjoying the time he spends with Chu Wanning. 

Not only does the idea bring him some mild shock, it’s also undercut by a stark and somber reminder that all this is built on a farce. And that, Mo Ran does not know how to confront. 

At the beginning, memories in sharp clarity of Chu Wanning’s lack of kindness justified Mo Ran’s actions. Chu Wanning’s impression in Mo Ran’s mind had been a dark one, of a cold and cruel man who did not know how to feel.

But now Mo Ran knows how Chu Wanning looks when he takes the first bite of food after a long day where he’s forgotten to eat, or the way his face remains stoic but his eyes brighten when Mo Ran shows up to pick him up with a coffee and his favourite pastry. He also knows that Chu Wanning will stoically wave to children like he’s meeting a colleague and that somehow seems to cheer them up, and that Chu Wanning, when he’s not needling Mo Ran, is a good listener. 

And he knows now how Chu Wanning tastes too. Not as thoroughly as he would like, but just enough for it to claw at him. He’s tried to exercise restraint, chastely kissing Chu Wanning every now and then, and only after the strongest part of the urge to press him against the nearest surface and yank his pants down has passed. 

If they kiss like that again, Mo Ran may just give in to the urge. The urge that they may both share, given how responsive Chu Wanning is. Mo Ran does not know how Chu Wanning can shift so easily from being an uptight salaryman to being a pliant lush in his arms, but it makes his mouth run dry and gives him the most vivid dreams. In some, Chu Wanning is sweet and tender and romantic as Mo Ran takes him apart. In others, they fight like animals before they fuck like them too, and Mo Ran has found himself waking up equally hard from either type. 

Even though the recollection of their past re-ignites dormant feelings, it somehow does not dissuade Mo Ran. All it does is leave him at a loss, one that he can’t take his mind off of. 

His phone buzzes, interrupting his train of thought. Mo Ran’s sprawled over his couch, too lazy and tired to move any further. He pulls out his phone to see Chu Wanning has texted him back. 

It’s a benign message with a benign photo; Chu Wanning holds a takeout container in front of the television. In the back, Mo Ran sees a show he’s been bugging Chu Wanning to watch, just because no one else in his inner circle has poor enough taste to watch it. The picture makes something do a flip in Mo Ran’s chest, and he tries to ignore it. 

I can cook better than that, he replies and without thinking, adds a come over and I’ll prove it. 

The invite is a natural progression; in fact, it’s long overdue, regardless of the circumstances. And Mo Ran can handle himself. Mo Ran is not so stupid that he wouldn’t know when he’s approaching trouble, even if he refuses to acknowledge it. 

(He just has the false illusion that he can stay in control of the situation.)

Chu Wanning is a multi-faceted man. This has never been a hidden fact.

Some are under the impression that there isn’t a skill he wouldn’t excel at. Chu Wanning knows better; while he’s good with both his hands and his mind, and there is indeed a laundry list of things he’s proficient at, there are a subset of tasks that he is excruciatingly terrible at accomplishing.

Specifically, tasks related to household duties. One of his deficiencies is well known due to an incident at a company barbeque; the others, less so. 

His lack of home skills have never been on display for others, thankfully. However, his cooking talents have unfortunately been made known once before, and as his luck goes, are made known once again. 

Mo Ran had been not so subtly hinting over their last few dates that he’d cook a much better dish than what half the restaurants he’s taken Chu Wanning to serve. So the invite to come over for dinner was not surprising. 

Still, the emotional intimacy of the offer ran deep for Chu Wanning, and he had to compose himself for a good five minutes before replying with an ‘ ok ’ to Mo Ran’s message. In the few days since then, anytime Chu Wanning thought about what a personal dinner invitation could mean, his ears would start to steam and his train of thought would easily derail.

Given how glacial — respectful — Mo Ran is being in the course of this whole thing, Chu Wanning has accepted that it really would just be a dinner, no matter how much his imagination runs. The fact that he spent some extra time showering and making sure his clothing was something that sort of passed for fashionable before setting out for Mo Ran’s is purely coincidental.

Chu Wanning isn’t too well versed on what the etiquette is for going over to a date’s house for the first time. He brings a bottle of peach wine with him and makes sure he compliments Mo Ran’s neat and tidy apartment when he steps in; Mo Ran beams as he takes his jacket. Chu Wanning is glad he chose to wear something a little more formal, because Mo Ran is wearing a pale blue dress shirt that sits snugly across his back and his neatly pressed black slacks from work. Mo Ran tips his head towards the kitchen, a clear indication that Chu Wanning should follow.

Unfortunately, following Mo Ran in is his first mistake of the night.

Mo Ran wants them to make the food together. Chu Wanning immediately balks at the thought but collects himself together long enough to offer to wash and cut the vegetables while Mo Ran handles the actual cooking part. Mo Ran looks bemused, but fine enough with that, and the two of them roll up their sleeves.

It goes well for the first little while. Chu Wanning is fastidious in his task while Mo Ran flits around him, setting the utensils on the stove top and bringing out the meat he’d prepared beforehand. Mo Ran being distracted allows Chu Wanning to cast long glances at his forearms. An expensive watch sits on Mo Ran’s wrist, glinting, and the silk of his shirt clings to his biceps in fascinating ways as he moves.

Mo Ran steps behind Chu Wanning and reaches for the cupboard above him; Chu Wanning can feel Mo Ran’s warm breath as he huffs and mutters to himself, looking for something. 

“Sorry,” Mo Ran apologizes as he leans closer, rustling through the cabinet, and Chu Wanning accidentally drops the cabbage he’s been meticulously washing leaf by leaf. When Mo Ran pulls back, he immediately turns his face away— not quick enough for Chu Wanning to miss the amused look that tugs at the corner of his mouth. Mo Ran chats about his day as they work, and Chu Wanning listens as he washes, enjoying the rich and mellow voice of the other man.

However, fifteen minutes in, Mo Ran gets a call from a frantic Xue Meng. From the near-shouting tinnily echoing from Mo Ran’s phone, Chu Wanning discerns that Xue Meng seems to have forgotten something extremely important at the office, and has accidentally locked his keys in his desk. Mo Ran first laughs at him loudly and tells him to deal with it, before hanging up.

Xue Meng keeps calling Mo Ran back. Mo Ran puts his phone on silent but it keeps buzzing till Chu Wanning raises an eyebrow and Mo Ran picks up his phone, rolling his eyes as Xue Meng’s voice comes on full blast again. Mo Ran tells Xue Meng that no, he’s not going to go all the way back to the office to go get his briefcase with him, but he can drop off his key pass at Xue Meng’s place if Xue Meng shuts up and also, Xue Meng will owe him big time.

“I have company over now,” Mo Ran says, and talks over Xue Meng’s squawking as he winks at Chu Wanning. “You will not tell Auntie and Uncle I’m coming.”

Xue Meng says something at a more normal volume that makes it hard to eavesdrop on, and Mo Ran disconnects the call with a sigh without bothering to reply. He then turns towards Chu Wanning and gives him an apologetic look.

“He’s only a fifteen minute walk away,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning waves him off, not too bothered.

“Don’t worry,” Chu Wanning says, his words incredibly optimistic. At that moment, he’s only feeling pity for Xue Meng. “You go. I’ll be here.”

Which leads Chu Wanning to his next predicament.

Mo Ran, for some reason, thinks that Chu Wanning was someone trustworthy enough to start actually cooking the meal. He apologises to Chu Wanning profusely, and tells him that the meat was already in the heated pan, and it would make no sense to pause it when it will be quick to finish up. Mo Ran had already portioned out the remainder of the ingredients, and it really would be so simple to finish the dish that a child could do it, Wanning.

“I thought you were supposed to cook,” Chu Wanning tries, panicking slightly, but Mo Ran rattles off instructions — cook this for that amount of time, rest the beef when it’s done, dump these spices and the cream in the pan, throw the pasta and vegetables in, squeeze this lemon—

“You’ll be fine,” Mo Ran says, when he sees Chu Wanning’s expression after he finishes. “Plus, I’ll make the dessert when we’re done with dinner. I can even hand feed it to you.”

He bookends the conversation with a sweet, quick kiss against Chu Wanning’s lips, leaving Chu Wanning slightly startled.

“I’ll be fast!” Mo Ran’s already crossed out of the kitchen and is throwing on his jacket, grabbing his keys. Chu Wanning stands and stares at the meat that’s started to sizzle, already forgetting how long it’s supposed to be on there for.

Chu Wanning should have offered to go in Mo Ran’s place instead. Or should have asked Mo Ran for clearer instructions, preferably some that were written down. Or said something to the effect of admitting that he can’t cook, at the very least. It would save him from the situation he finds himself in twenty minutes later.

To be fair, part of this is Mo Ran’s fault. Most of it, if Chu Wanning has his way.

A few years ago, Chu Wanning had been made to man a grill under great duress during a company employee appreciation event; the great duress being that Xue Zhengyong had broken his arm, and had voluntold Chu Wanning into taking his place. It had been a lesson for all involved, and by the end of the evening, Chu Wanning had gotten used to the look of naked shock people would give whatever he put on their plate.

Mo Ran, Shi Mei and Xue Meng, despite being a year into working under Chu Wanning’s churlish wing, were the only ones to properly eat what Chu Wanning had made. They had given him thumbs ups through anguished eyes, wearing forced smiles as they pretended their faces weren’t turning green.

Retrospectively, maybe Mo Ran simply blocked out that memory. It would be understandable. 

But if Mo Ran had kept that memory, it would have saved Chu Wanning from his current situation, where he’s staring down what was once a promising meal that has now turned into some strange, charred concoction.

Chu Wanning tentatively shifts the food around in the pan, hoping to unearth some edible portion of it. He’s not sure that the cream is supposed to look this dark, or that black pieces of char are supposed to float in the sauce.

He’s unsure where he went wrong, because he’s convinced that he followed Mo Ran’s instructions as precisely as he could. He had dumped everything into the pan and then looked away for less than a minute (he swears) to respond to a work email; when he came back, the entire dish looked rather…wrong. Yet, Chu Wanning had persevered despite the sight. After all, what did he know about what looked wrong and what looked right?

Unfortunately, Chu Wanning can smell and taste when something goes wrong. When he thinks the food is finished and decides to test it, his face puckers up instantly, like a cat that’s bit a lemon. To taunt him, the food grows even darker when he stirs it, and he belatedly remembers to turn the stove off.

He has definitely made a mistake somewhere along the way. Perhaps multiple.

Chu Wanning grimaces at the sludge, and takes another tentative bite out of it. No, this is definitely an offensive mistake. If he was making dinner for himself, he’d simply shrug and finish this anyways. But Mo Ran had prepared everything with a lot of effort, so Chu Wanning figures he might as well attempt to fix it.

He tries to look it up and after a few increasingly dull blog posts, Chu Wanning finds a solution. Sort of. He figures the same thing that offsets too much acidity in food will also balance the bitter, burnt taste. After a quick rummage through the cupboards, he finds some sugar to throw in. The recipe says to taste, so he throws in a few teaspoons to be safe. 

It does the opposite of what he wants it to. There’s a strange crust forming with the sugar on some of the meat, as well as shiny oil blotches on the cream, so Chu Wanning tries to stir frantically. When he tastes it next, the cream sauce is sickeningly sweet, neatly bringing together the various abhorrent tastes of the dish. Having been taught how to cook by a man that cannot cook, it is maybe not the worst thing Chu Wanning’s ever tasted. 

But it does come close.

Chu Wanning wonders if he can order some similar takeout dish and convince Mo Ran that it is the same thing that they were making. Or better yet, tell Mo Ran there was almost an accidental fire and in an effort to save his kitchen, their dinner had to be sacrificed. 

Yeah, that seems like a plausible enough explanation. It’s also a lot less effort than hunting down a restaurant that makes the exact same thing Mo Ran had been planning to make. Especially since Chu Wanning’s not even sure what it was they were supposed to make. Resolute, Chu Wanning starts to look on his phone for the nearest takeout place that’ll have something Mo Ran will like.

By the time Mo Ran comes back, slightly out of breath and five minutes earlier than expected, Chu Wanning has rehearsed the lines in his head and is about to place an order at a local shop only a few minutes away. However, his brain grinds to halt at the sight of Mo Ran’s mildly flushed face as he steps into the kitchen, panting lightly as if he ran. His hair is ruffled, and Mo Ran sniffs the air once before a bemused smile starts to uncurl across his face.

“Ah…” Mo Ran starts, and given the tone of it, Chu Wanning doesn’t even bother greeting him as he shrugs off his jacket and tosses it on the counter. Instead, Chu Wanning crosses his arms in a defensive manner as Mo Ran walks over to him, casting a curious glance at the pan.

“There was an accident,” Chu Wanning says bluntly, trying not to sound petulant as Mo Ran simply hums in acknowledgement and leans over the stove. Before he can elaborate and say there was a fire, Mo Ran squints at the pan and speaks.

“Interesting,” Mo Ran says, peering at the dish, and nothing more. “Did you accidentally dump all the oil in?”

“I’m ordering takeout,” Chu Wanning avoids his question, attempting to sound gruff. It sounds awkward instead. “Tell me what you want.”

“No,” Mo Ran replies firmly, and reaches for a set of cooking chopsticks that sit in a tin cup. Chu Wanning’s eyes widen, and he reaches forward to smack them out of his hands but Mo Ran holds them out of his way. “Ah, Wanning, are you really going to deny me a chance to taste your cooking?”

“I— that’s not cooking!” Chu Wanning says, trying not to appear embarrassed. Mo Ran stares at him for a moment, and Chu Wanning instantly knows that his lie has been caught. “It was a mistake! Mo Ran— don’t taste it—”

Chu Wanning reaches out again and Mo Ran grabs his wrist with one hand, using it to twist Chu Wanning around and pull him into what he can only describe as a human pretzel. Mo Ran cheerfully holds him like that as he picks up some of the sludge, looking at it contemplatively. 

“There was a fire,” Chu Wanning tries defeatedly, and Mo Ran simply replies with a “Mhm.”

There’s a glint in his eye and suddenly, Chu Wanning gets the feeling that maybe Mo Ran hasn’t completely forgotten that ill-fated barbecue from years ago. 

“If you put a lot of care into it, then I want to taste it,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning gives up struggling. He twists his head and glares at Mo Ran instead, and Mo Ran gives him an innocent look in turn. “It can’t be that bad if it’s been cooked by you, Wanning.”

An hour and a half later, Chu Wanning is still reeling in embarrassment from his cooking effort, even though Mo Ran has continuously assured him that it hadn’t actually been a waste, and hadn’t been all too bad.

“The sugar was an interesting touch,” Mo Ran had tried to say placatingly as he clung to the counter with one hand, tears still clinging to his lashes from his immediate reaction to the food. “You are very creative in the kitchen, Director Chu.”

That had led to Chu Wanning clamping his mouth shut and not saying a word as Mo Ran delicately asked him if he would prefer to get dinner outside instead, because Mo Ran thought it’d be a little faster than cooking from scratch again and he’d been a little hungry. Chu Wanning had bothered to give a curt “do whatever” and five minutes later, found himself shepherded out of the apartment building and into Mo Ran’s car. 

Mo Ran took them to the same restaurant Chu Wanning had been ready to order from. Chu Wanning’s lingering embarrassment had resulted in a rather short dinner that was peppered with apologies on Mo Ran’s behalf.

“It really wasn’t that bad,” Mo Ran insisted repeatedly as Chu Wanning tried to tune him out and focus on his soup. It was a clear lie, because after the first bite of what Chu Wanning had finished making, Mo Ran’s face had blanched and his eyes had started to well. His voice had cracked as he asked, “Ah, did you try something new with the recipe?” with an expression that he was clearly trying and failing to wrestle into something encouraging.

It had been similar to the look that Mo Ran gave him in the restaurant as well as he offered, “I can always teach you some little things here and there. You have potential.”

“Shut up,” Chu Wanning had snapped coldly, aggressively shoving bamboo shoots into his mouth. It didn’t stop Mo Ran though from trying to cheer him up, telling him that it wasn’t the worst thing he’s ever tasted, and that mistakes happen. It only worked marginally, and only because Mo Ran ordered douhua for Chu Wanning after they were done without Chu Wanning even having to ask. 

That too, Chu Wanning had eaten like it had personally aggrieved him, but instead of losing his temper to match, Mo Ran simply watched him with a faint smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Any sort of hope he had pretended to not have of Mo Ran asking him to stay for a nightcap, of Mo Ran bundling him up into his arms and at least kissing him fiercely on the couch have been dashed since the moment Chu Wanning’s cooking had first touched Mo Ran’s lips. It was further sealed when Mo Ran offered to drive Chu Wanning home after dinner. Chu Wanning was and is too embarrassed to contest anything. He knows that the night has essentially been lost. What he doesn’t know is how to salvage it. 

Which brings them here. 

The curb Mo Ran normally parks at is crowded at this time, and there’s a moving truck blocking the front entrance, so he pulls into the tiny visitor parking for the building. The visitor slots are taken up as well, so Chu Wanning guides Mo Ran to the spot in the corner that’s reserved for him. It had once housed a motorcycle, but Chu Wanning’s kept it in storage at the Xue family’s property, mostly because he has more space to work on it in the summer. 

For a brief moment, Chu Wanning entertains the thought of inviting Mo Ran up. It’s not something he’d normally do; his apartment usually looks like a storm hit it and never left. However, in the past few weeks, he has been making an effort in making at least his living room look tidy. His kitchen is the only place that doesn’t suffer from mess, due to lack of proper use. His bedroom still verges on a disaster, but perhaps worrying about that at this stage would be too optimistic. 

…On second thought, maybe it’s not worth Mo Ran running the risk of seeing Chu Wanning’s bedroom. Even by accident. Having Mo Ran see how much of a pigsty Chu Wanning can turn his apartment into would take his embarrassment level for the night past the critical stage it is in right now, and straight into the lethal.

“Next time, I’ll tell Xue Meng to screw off,” Mo Ran offers as one last apology, and Chu Wanning simply stares ahead as he puts the car in park. “I’m sorry for ditching you.”

“It’s not your fault,” Chu Wanning says, the other phrase he’s used the most tonight, right behind “Shut up”. Mo Ran grimaces, and reaches over to pat Chu Wanning awkwardly on the shoulder. Chu Wanning gives the hand a withering look, and Mo Ran withdraws it.

“You should come over for dinner again,” Mo Ran tries. “I’ll make sure the food is done before you come over. That part was my fault too.”

“No it wasn’t,” Chu Wanning says, though it’s physically impossible for him to give a look that is not withering. It’s not that he’s trying to be petulant or throwing a tantrum. It’s just that the level of shame he feels right now is of such great magnitude that he can’t look Mo Ran in the eye. Chu Wanning clears his throat and adds, “Thank you for the food,” because despite everything, Mo Ran had still paid for the dinner. 

Chu Wanning had tried to pay, had even attempted to pretend to go to the washroom and settle the bill in a tactic he picked up from Xue Zhengyong, but Mo Ran had already gotten the jump on him. Chu Wanning feels embarrassed that he messed up dinner to this extent; it’s not the worst thing he’s ever done in his life, but it feels much more magnified than any professional error he’s ever had, as few and far in between as they are.

“You’re upset,” Mo Ran says quietly, and his hand is back on Chu Wanning’s shoulder, this time in comfort. Chu Wanning pointedly looks away. His damned ears have been giving him away all evening, and he’s been cursing them till eternity. 

“No,” Chu Wanning says, and Mo Ran huffs. “What’s there to be upset about? You should be the one that’s upset.”

“But I’m not,” Mo Ran points out, and Chu Wanning shrugs off the hand on his shoulder. He clicks off his seatbelt, still not looking at Mo Ran. “Ah, Wanning where are you going…”

Chu Wanning hears the sound of a second seatbelt clicking open and panics for a moment, thinking Mo Ran will offer to walk him up to the exit from the garage, like he walks Chu Wanning to the lobby doors all the other times. But instead, Chu Wanning feels a presence draw in beside him. Chu Wanning slowly turns to see that Mo Ran has leaned across the center console, and is looking at him with his eyes in amused half-crescents.

“What?” Chu Wanning says, and Mo Ran simply smiles.

“Cheer up, Wanning,” Mo Ran says. “It doesn’t matter what we ate. We still got to spend time together, right?”

Chu Wanning feels heat rise to his cheeks as he finally meets Mo Ran’s gaze. It’s got something in it that looks like fondness instead of disappointment, despite everything that’s transpired. Chu Wanning blinks, at a loss of what to do in the face of this.

“Don’t make fun of me,” Chu Wanning manages to croak out, and Mo Ran laughs lightly. 

“I would never dream of it,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning immediately narrows his eyes. “Ok, not over something like this. But it’s not worth being upset over.”

“I get to choose what I’m upset over,” Chu Wanning says, just to be contrary. But Mo Ran shifts, and Chu Wanning’s thoughts get distracted by the way he can smell the spice of Mo Ran’s cologne.

There’s not a lot of light in their corner of the parking garage, save for the faint glow of the dashboard screen in Mo Ran’s car. The blue hue that draws a faint line along the contour of Mo Ran’s face makes him look more devilish. Upon that realization, Chu Wanning can feel his heart thump in his throat.

“Well then,” Mo Ran says, a contemplative undercurrent in his words. He doesn’t say any more; his gaze drifts instead downwards to Chu Wanning’s mouth. A faint hint of realization blooms within Chu Wanning, and he pauses for a moment. The look on Mo Ran’s face is turning dangerous; though Chu Wanning has only properly seen it that one time in the stairwell, he has it memorized.

He isn’t used to being in such close proximity to such a look. Chu Wanning is glad that it’s poorly lit in the corner where they’re parked, a concrete pillar casting a long shadow into the car. 

“I’ll be fine,” Chu Wanning swallows finally, and Mo Ran tilts his head. He leans in closer, till Chu Wanning can feel his warm breath. Chu Wanning’s fingers curl lightly from where his hands rest against his thighs, and he does not find himself leaning away. Something different flits against Mo Ran’s face, and he rakes his eyes once over Chu Wanning before his lips quirk again,

“Let me make you feel better,” Mo Ran says, a low and playful lilt to his words. Chu Wanning stares for a moment, thinking about how close Mo Ran is, and how Chu Wanning has secretly been longing for more intimate touches, even though he’d never voice it out loud. Without thinking, he says a muted “ok” and Mo Ran inhales sharply before he says, “Come here.”

Chu Wanning obeys impulsively; the ball of tension that’s been winding up within him starts to undo itself the moment he feels Mo Ran’s lips press against his. 

It’s the reassurance that Chu Wanning is ashamed to say he wanted, but it does more than any placating words could. Mo Ran traps Chu Wanning’s bottom lip between his own and pushes forward. Chu Wanning tries to respond and he feels Mo Ran smile against him as their teeth accidentally click gently. Before Chu Wanning can retreat, Mo Ran moves his lips again, pulling back just enough to make sure the next kiss is properly felt.

Chu Wanning doesn’t expect it to go beyond this; Mo Ran has kissed him before like this, and has kept it chaste. As much as he secretly desires that fiery kiss he had first gotten, he is content with this too, knowing how to temper his expectations and not get too greedy. He still allows himself to lose himself in this. It’s a sign enough that even though Chu Wanning ruined dinner, and may have overthought things, Mo Ran still doesn’t seem to mind. It’s not the end of everything.

Mo Ran is good. Mo Ran is too good, having seen all the ugly sides of Chu Wanning and still wanting this.

A hand creeps up to cup his face, and Chu Wanning leans into the touch, his eyes falling shut at the warmth of it. They move their lips together like this, a smattering of soft, wet kisses echoing in the car. Chu Wanning is tentative, but more certain than before, tilting his head to see if Mo Ran likes it better. He does, because he kisses with even more enthusiasm, pushing forward till Chu Wanning lets out a small sound.

Mo Ran thumbs at Chu Wanning’s cheek, murmuring against Chu Wanning’s lips, “I don’t want you going home today feeling unhappy.”

Chu Wanning exhales at this, a light feeling blooming within his chest. He hears Mo Ran make a soft sound too, feels the vibration of it as he presses their lips together again. His mouth parts on its own accord, an involuntary reaction, and he feels Mo Ran pause against him. Chu Wanning presses his lips shut and is about to draw back, flustered he did something wrong, but he feels Mo Ran tentatively lick against the seam of his mouth.

A shiver goes through him and he lets Mo Ran in. Mo Ran slides his tongue past his lips, hot and wet against Chu Wanning’s own. Chu Wanning knows now how to move it, knows that Mo Ran likes it when he’s able to dictate the tide of the kiss so he tries to go as pliant as possible. The hand cupping his face slides upward to tangle into his hair, tugging to draw him closer. Chu Wanning goes with it, allowing Mo Ran to bring him in and taste him thoroughly.

It’s not the same, restrained kisses Chu Wanning’s been getting recently. The cadence of this is familiar, and that light feeling bubbles into anticipation all too fast. Even years of well practiced repression can’t combat a searing touch and Chu Wanning can’t help but moan at the contact. 

This time when Mo Ran draws back, his eyes are so bright they twinkle in the dark.

“Shit,” Mo Ran curses, and before Chu Wanning can ask what’s wrong, he’s swept up into another more heated kiss. This one unashamedly has Mo Ran slicking their tongues together from the start, taking no ceremony to bite on Chu Wanning’s lips before licking them soothingly.

“I want you,” Mo Ran says and the words alone send a shudder down Chu Wanning’s spine. Chu Wanning finds himself inadvertently sinking into the hand that’s still holding his face, looking up at Mo Ran’s face through his lashes.

Mo Ran’s is more tense, his lips a bitten red and some deep-set contemplative look on his face. Chu Wanning worries a moment about it, wants to ask what’s wrong, but realises that he himself must be wearing a sterner look, no matter how relaxed he feels.

“We’re in a parking lot,” Chu Wanning mutters, but it doesn’t sound like the protest he very half-heartedly intends it to be. They are in public, and his shame should be cooling him down, but his curiosity reigns as Mo Ran drops his hand and pulls back, but doesn’t say anything.

“Screw it,” Mo Ran says under his breath, and reaches down, pulling the lever to push his seat back.

Once that’s done, Chu Wanning watches as Mo Ran reclines the driver’s seat till it’s nearly flat. Before Chu Wanning can ask Mo Ran what he’s doing, Mo Ran grabs him by the wrist and starts to pull. Chu Wanning makes a sound of surprise but finds himself following, climbing awkwardly over the centre console, brain rapidly going offline as it fails to keep up with what’s happening.

He only appears small when he’s next to Mo Ran, but Chu Wanning is a tall and slender man himself. It’s a miracle that both of them are able to fit as he clambers onto the seat and straddles Mo Ran, and he doesn’t even hit the horn as he settles onto Mo Ran’s lap. It does mean though that they have very little space. And whatever space there is quickly removed by Mo Ran as he circles his arms around Chu Wanning and pulls him close till there’s nothing between them.

Chu Wanning should put a stop to this. It would only be proper. But the part of him that’s been wondering why Mo Ran hasn’t done anything beyond a chaste kiss, if Mo Ran doesn’t desire Chu Wanning enough— that part lets out a brief sigh of relief.

“You’re so red,” Mo Ran comments, shifting his lower half to make it more comfortable for both of them. “I can see it even in the dark.”

“Shut up,” Chu Wanning says, and Mo Ran yanks him down in another kiss.

He should stop — they should both stop— anyone could catch them. But as soon as that latter thought flits across his mind, heat spikes through Chu Wanning in a way that it hasn’t before. It’s so incredibly embarrassing that Chu Wanning actually whimpers, and that earns him an even fiercer kiss.

The way Mo Ran moves against him grows more enthusiastic. Chu Wanning plants his hands on Mo Ran’s shoulders but he can’t bring himself to slow Mo Ran down or stop him. Mo Ran kisses him so insistently that Chu Wanning can’t help but get swept up; what else can he do? Mo Ran kisses him in a way that makes everything around him fade away into white noise. Mo Ran’s lips are wet and hot and possessive against him, like he’s trying to stake a claim on Chu Wanning before he runs out of time. 

One hand drifts up into his hair and Chu Wanning has to remind himself to breathe, not wanting to be the one to break the kiss. He follows Mo Ran’s lead, and Mo Ran only draws back once to look at him. 

“Too fast?” Mo Ran says, lightly panting, and Chu Wanning can feel the broad chest underneath him rise and fall. Chu Wanning scoffs in disbelief, and when he tries to pull back and give Mo Ran another scolding look, the hand in his hair curls its fingers tight and holds him in place. 

“Isn’t it too late to ask?” Chu Wanning says flatly, and Mo Ran gives him a crooked half-grin. Chu Wanning huffs and licks his lips without thinking; Mo Ran’s gaze immediately snaps to the action. When he drags it back up deliberately, Chu Wanning feels the flame stoke further within him. 

“I can get greedy very quickly,” Mo Ran says, wiggling his eyebrows. “Aren’t you afraid I’ll eat you?”

Chu Wanning opens his mouth, but no retort forms. Mo Ran’s words make Chu Wanning both simmer with need and get indignant in equal parts. Both his lust and his pride have perked up, resulting in him blurting out, “I know how to handle myself.”

He expects Mo Ran to laugh, especially given the corners of his lips twitch. But instead, Mo Ran’s expression relaxes and he utters a quick “Sure” before he pulls Chu Wanning in. This time, Chu Wanning is more prepared, meeting Mo Ran in the same way Mo Ran has met him. It still feels strange and clumsy to do it himself, but it clearly pleases Mo Ran.

Mo Ran’s body is so solid and warm underneath him. Chu Wanning tries to adjust when he feels the beginnings of a cramp in his thigh, and accidentally brushes against Mo Ran’s groin. He sucks in a sharp breath— Mo Ran is half hard. Chu Wanning is half hard, and has been so deeply steeped in the kiss that he had barely noticed the rest of his body reacting. Mo Ran hisses and tilts his hips up, bringing their lower halves together, and Chu Wanning makes a sound that feels foreign.

The hand in his hair tugs again, this time slightly harsher than before. The pinpricks of pain light up Chu Wanning’s neural pathways, and his entire body tingles with need. He has never felt this much desire before, nor has he felt so desired; any objections he’d have about doing something like this is quickly drowned in their heady kiss. Mo Ran seems to want to devour Chu Wanning, and Chu Wanning has no problem with it. 

Another hand slides down his back and curves over his rear, palming the fabric of his khakis before smacking him hard enough to make a sound. The sting makes Chu Wanning’s hip stutter and Mo Ran grabs his ass properly, hard enough to make it bruise. Mo Ran drags Chu Wanning’s lower half against his own, grinding him down. The pleasure that spikes through him is fiery, and Chu Wanning’s breath hitches while Mo Ran sucks on his tongue.

“Mo Ran…” Chu Wanning exhales once Mo Ran gives his mouth a small reprieve, choosing to kiss hungrily along the line of his neck. It’s such a sudden and far cry from the chaste kisses they’re changed previously, and Chu Wanning’s mind is melting as the air in the car grows thicker, steamier.

Mo Ran breathes in the crook of his shoulder, pressing wet lips there before dragging them up his side.

“I want to touch you,” Mo Ran mutters against the skin of his neck and Chu Wanning makes some sort of noise. He thinks it’s in agreement; his head is swimming too much in lust for him to be able to tell. The hand on his rear shifts to the front and unbuckles his belt, and Chu Wanning makes a small sound of protest, fractionally coming back to his senses.

“In here?” Chu Wanning says, pulling back and looking down at Mo Ran. Mo Ran has a look so dark that it practically melts into the shadows; he licks his lips before reaching up and running his tongue along the line of Chu Wanning’s throat.

“Just a little,” Mo Ran says, his breath hot. “No one will catch us.”

Chu Wanning is uncertain for a moment, but when he shifts, he feels Mo Ran’s lower half against him, harder than before. Desire and embarrassment shoot up within him as intertwining firecrackers, and the hum he makes in response is one of acquiescence and not of disagreement. When Chu Wanning’s belt clinks and slowly comes off, he does not stop Mo Ran. 

The front of his pants are unbuttoned, and Mo Ran does not waste time tugging Chu Wanning’s shirt out, both from the front and the back. He slides his hand once more over Chu Wanning’s ass, pushing his hands past the waistbands of both Chu Wanning’s pants and his underwear, his large palm rough and scorching hot against the bare skin.

Chu Wanning hasn’t been touched like this. He exhales in a half-gasp, and the squeeze Mo Ran gives in return will surely leave fingerprints. Chu Wanning can feel them bloom as Mo Ran kneads the muscle there, his other hand dropping down to join the first so that he can grab Chu Wanning’s ass in its entirety.

 It feels obscene to be pawed at, and Chu Wanning can feel himself strain harder against his underwear. Teeth skim over his pulse point, biting gently before a pair of lips soothe it, and Chu Wanning can find himself rapidly sinking his entire being into Mo Ran’s.

“You’re delicious like this,” Mo Ran reaches up to whisper into Chu Wanning’s ear. “I really will eat you up, Chu Wanning.”

“Shameless,” Chu Wanning admonishes on instinct, and Mo Ran laughs at his words before groping him thoroughly again.

“You have no idea,” Mo Ran says smoothly, sliding one of his hands out. He raises it up to his mouth and winks at Chu Wanning in the dark as he licks his palm, long and slow, dragging his tongue up his fingers and flicking it up near the tips. Chu Wanning is already heated, but his ears could cook something with how hot they get at the sight of the thing that Mo Ran has been using to torment him.

Then Chu Wanning can’t see anything at all— the touch of Mo Ran’s spit-slick hand around where he’s hard is so new, like a burst of vivid light, that he scrunches his eyes shut. He doesn’t even realize that he’s made a sound till Mo Ran comments on it.

“So your voice can be this sweet, huh,” Mo Ran says and Chu Wanning tries to open an eye to glare at him. The effect is dimmed by the way his hips twitch into Mo Ran’s touch as he strokes up from the base, long and torturously slow. His thumb plays with Chu Wanning’s tip, like he’s lazily examining him, and it drives Chu Wanning mad.

Mo Ran’s free hand settles on Chu Wanning’s neck, caressing it gently in counterpoint to the way he starts to slowly stroke. Chu Wanning shudders at each touch, which seems to please Mo Ran more.

Chu Wanning feels a thumb stroke along the line of his throat as he lets out a small moan. The thumb presses ever so gently, and the heat of it ripples through Chu Wanning’s body. He imagines for a moment, Mo Ran properly squeezing his hand around Chu Wanning’s throat, and the mere thought of it makes Chu Wanning’s hips hitch forward out of their own accord.

Is this how it is, Chu Wanning wonders in the back of his head, to want someone who wants you back in equal measures? 

It is not something that Chu Wanning is used to. Mo Ran’s eyes are carnivorous; the way he looks at him makes Chu Wanning feel like he’s a cup about to overflow, so much so that it almost scares him. So he does the only thing can think of to stymy it, and leans down to kiss Mo Ran. Mo Ran is surprised at him initiating the kiss but returns it with enthusiasm, the steady pace he’s set with his hand not faltering. He matches it with the way he strokes Chu Wanning’s neck, like he too wants to know how it would feel to push forward.

Their tongues slide together, and Chu Wanning can feel the pleasure course through his veins, lighting up every part of his body. His hips twitch again and he feels his core shake as Mo Ran starts to pick up speed, twisting and squeezing his hand on the upstroke before deliberately dragging it back down. 

Chu Wanning lets go of the kiss and tries to slump forward as his body reacts to the novelty of having someone else touch him. A thumb glides under his jaw and pushes, giving him no reprieve as Mo Ran guides their lips back together. Chu Wanning’s next moan is coloured with a plea, and the thumb presses against his adam’s apple. 

He swallows, and the hand resting against his neck slides around, fingers wrapping around his throat. Mo Ran must have an understanding because he squeezes, enough for Chu Wanning to feel the pressure and the lightness reach his temples, but not enough to block his airway off completely.

Chu Wanning likes it more than he’d dare admit, even to himself. Mo Ran moves his hand in a wicked way around him, in an obscene way. Chu Wanning is swept by the tide, unable to do anything but pant into Mo Ran’s mouth as the lust consumes him. His body shakes with need and by the time he’s finally shown mercy, Chu Wanning completely falls apart.

When he comes, it’s nothing short of a gut-punch, winding him completely as he spills over Mo Ran’s hand, ruining his shirt. Mo Ran lets go of his neck and Chu Wanning gasps loudly; his world tilts off its axis for a moment and whatever oscillating groan escapes his mouth next is eagerly swallowed up by Mo Ran. It’s overwhelming, as if he’s not allowed to breathe until he’s fully absorbed every ounce of pleasure. 

It feels simultaneously like forever and no time at all when Mo Ran lets go of him. Despite being both soft and over-sensitive, Chu Wanning still finds himself shifting forward to chase the touch. He stops himself immediately, but not before he hears Mo Ran make an amused noise. 

Pleasure has spread within him, the relief of being touched immense and somehow… not enough. Chu Wanning tries to ignore the latter, not wanting to give off the appearance of being both overeager and depraved, even though it has been Mo Ran who has been doing most of the corrupting tonight.

He pants as Mo Ran finally breaks the kiss, a thin translucent string stretching between their lips before breaking. Chu Wanning stares down at Mo Ran in a daze, feeling completely bared. He could fall into those dark eyes, he thinks, if he is not too careful. Chu Wanning’s mind is clear, but spinning rapidly, overworking as it processes every single minutiae of the moment.

Chu Wanning clings and shifts again without thinking. He sputters at what he feels, and Mo Ran’s small, charmed smile has some strain to it and he stares intently at Chu Wanning. In fact, the darkness in his eyes is almost overwhelming, so intense that Chu Wanning feels like he’s being photographed. 

“I…” Chu Wanning starts, unsure of what to say. He can’t bring himself to say the words, his pride and shame twin beasts within him. But Chu Wanning wants, more than he thinks he’s ever wanted before. So much so that it is near unrecognizable to him.

Thankfully, Mo Ran understands what kind of permission Chu Wanning is looking for and gives it to him without too much teasing. His dark face relaxes into something more playful, to Chu Wanning’s temporary relief. 

“You can touch me,” Mo Ran says, half-grinning. Chu Wanning’s ears burn as he looks down on him, studiously avoiding the dark stain on the lower half of Mo Ran’s shirt.

“Who says I want to touch you?” Chu Wanning says on instinct, ignoring Mo Ran’s knowing look. Chu Wanning wants to touch Mo Ran everywhere. He wants to show Mo Ran the same kind of pleasure he just showed Chu Wanning. But Chu Wanning has a thin face and no knowledge on where the hell to start.

To stall, he places his hand on Mo Ran’s sternum, feeling the solid warmth of Mo Ran’s chest under his palm and a heart that seems to be beating as fast as his own. Mo Ran’s hands settle on his thighs and Chu Wanning bites his lower lip as he concentrates. He moves his palm, more out of contemplation than anything, but frowns when he brushes it over Mo Ran’s pectoral.

Mo Ran’s eyebrows shoot up with Chu Wanning’s as Chu Wanning unsubtly brushes his hand over Mo Ran again. Mo Ran’s not wearing an undershirt, so the ridges of his body are easier to feel out over the silk of his shirt. Chu Wanning’s eyebrows pinch in confusion for a moment, before his eyes go wide, registering what he feels.

“What—” Chu Wanning jerks his hand back, looking down at Mo Ran in incredulity. 

“Don’t pinch it,” Mo Ran warns, and Chu Wanning’s eyes widen. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He closes it, then tries again, doing his best imitation of a goldfish. 

This is to Mo Ran’s great amusement. That gets Chu Wanning more indignant, and Mo Ran’s smile turns from strained to positively sunny.

“Here, I’ll show you.”

Mo Ran reaches up and starts to unbutton his shirt, till he’s reached midway. He pulls it to the side, revealing smooth, tanned skin, a muscular chest, and a piece of metal that glints back at Chu Wanning mischievously. 

Chu Wanning truly has no words. His brain has gone offline. 

The words insolent, indecent, and improper flash across his brain in neon lights. Chu Wanning not sure if he’s referring to Mo Ran’s nipple piercing or his own curiosity, both of how the hell Mo Ran got something like that, and how the rest of him looks like underneath that shirt. And perhaps, how the metal would feel, or even taste—

Fierce heat rips through Chu Wanning’s face at the latter thought. Mo Ran has influenced him too much.

Without thinking, he reaches down to touch the barbell, poking it. Mo Ran pretends to flinch, and frowns at Chu Wanning.

“Ow,” he says, and Chu Wanning instantly stammers out a jumbled apology. A mistake, because Mo Ran gives him a shit-eating grin and says, “You should kiss it better, Wanning.”

“Impudent!” One of Chu Wanning’s words finally falls out of his mouth and Mo Ran outright laughs at him again. Chu Wanning has notably not removed his hand from Mo Ran’s chest, nor his eyes. 

But any hopes of anything further are interrupted quite quickly— there’s the sound of a car honking in the near distance, and Chu Wanning startles so hard that he accidentally leaps back onto Mo Ran’s horn.

Mo Ran winces at the loud blare and Chu Wanning yelps. Before either of them can get hurt Mo Ran grabs him by the waist and pulls him forward. It doesn’t work. Like a spooked animal, Chu Wanning immediately rolls off him, with a lot less grace and dignity than he normally affords himself.

He tumbles his way back against the console, managing miraculously not to get a shoe print anywhere. Mo Ran tries to reach for him but Chu Wanning swats him away, ears aflame as the gravity of what they’ve done — specifically, where they’ve done it — catches up to him.

“We could have been caught!” He exclaims as he hastily tucks himself back into his underwear and buttons his pants. His hands tremble too much when he tries to do his belt buckle, but he pushes away Mo Ran again when Mo Ran tries to help.

“But we didn’t,” Mo Ran points out, amused. “Hey, Wanning, hold on.”

Chu Wanning pauses, and Mo Ran leans over to press a wet kiss against his cheek. Chu Wanning squawks and practically leaps out of the car to the sound of Mo Ran’s laughter. Mo Ran blows him a kiss from the driver’s seat and Chu Wanning simply shoots him a (completely ineffective) glare before marching off, completing his walk of shame to the building entrance.

Ten minutes later, he’s upstairs, safely ensconced in the warmth of a hot shower, hand around himself as he touches himself in a way he hasn’t for a long, long time. All the desire that he’s been working to suppress bubbles up to the surface, and Chu Wanning doesn’t think he can simply meditate it away this time. 

This way too, he can imagine it’s Mo Ran’s hand on him again, Mo Ran’s looming presence behind him in the shower as he strokes Chu Wanning off. The visual comes too clearly to Chu Wanning, but he’s never had a physical understanding of Mo Ran to draw his fantasies from before. 

Now, he knows the shape of his palm, the way his fingers move, the way Mo Ran likes to idly play here, squeeze and touch and stroke in maddening ways. The lust threatens to consume him, grabbing at him from all directions. 

For once in his life though, it is not exactly shame that Chu Wanning feels at it. Instead, it is the anticipation of being wanted.

Chapter Text

Mo Ran is fucked.

It’s one thing to lust after Chu Wanning. That is familiar to him. He won’t lie to himself and say that the urge to fuck Chu Wanning senseless had only started in the car, or in the restaurant, or in Mo Ran’s kitchen as Chu Wanning stood with a daringly petulant expression beside what was supposed to be Mo Ran’s homely but romantic pasta dish. 

No, that urge had been there from the very beginning, when Chu Wanning showed up smelling freshly showered, with a bottle of pear wine and a neutral expression on his face that gave way to a faint smile when Mo Ran opened the door. The smile especially, is something that Mo Ran seems to be getting more and more of, and it makes him want to pick Chu Wanning up and take him straight to the bedroom.

He had resisted while they cooked together, but barely. Watching Chu Wanning failing to be subtle about looking at Mo Ran only stoked the fire further. The detour in the night with Xue Meng only barely abated it; by the time they were in the dark little corner of that parking lot, Mo Ran’s fingers were itching with the need to touch. He had looked for any modicum of shyness from Chu Wanning, anything that he could use as an excuse to back off, but Chu Wanning seemed as enthusiastic, even if in a more reserved way.

It had been good. Mo Ran hadn’t gotten off, but he’s learned a lot of very interesting things about Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning’s embarrassment afterwards was incredibly entertaining and made up for the fact that Mo Ran hadn’t been able to fuck him in the backseat of his car like he so badly wanted to. After he got home, Mo Ran had simultaneously the most charged and most unsatisfying jerk off in the shower, his brain constantly reminding him that if they had left the restaurant just five minutes earlier, it could have been Chu Wanning’s hand around him instead of his own.

So, it’s one thing to lust for Chu Wanning. But it’s another thing to feel something in the spaces in between, because the facts are these: Mo Ran postpones things over and over again, just to make time for Chu Wanning. He tells himself it’s to make good on the full scope of the bet, despite the fact that he does not tell Mei Hanxue about finally getting his hands down Chu Wanning’s pants.

It would feel like a violation if he did. Mo Ran’s having a hard time deciphering whether he thinks that because he believes he’s a good person, or because he’s a selfish one who has decided it’s not anyone's business but his what Chu Wanning tastes like. Or what he looks like when he’s eating ice cream with deep concentration, or how haughty he gets when they go to an arcade for a date and kicks Mo Ran’s ass at the games, despite his insistence that arcades are for children.

Which leads to the other thing— Mo Ran can get a little zealous in a relationship. It is why he doesn’t partake in them often; the intensity of it can be draining, especially if there’s an imbalance in feelings. This should not be a thing he should worry about when it comes to dating someone on a bet, much less someone who flunked him on his first performance review at Sisheng. Not that the latter was unearned, and rarely did people pass under Chu Wanning’s hand, but that and everything else surrounding their professional relationship should have acted as a stopper. And yet…

“Still haven’t gotten laid, huh?” comes a voice from beside him, one that’s slowly becoming annoying for Mo Ran. He turns to give the owner a sour face. “What’s that look for, huh?”

(And yet, Mo Ran has started to think of Chu Wanning as his. It makes conversations like these very grating. )

“Shut up,” Mo Ran says, and Mei Hanxue huffs in amusement before opening his mouth again. Not wanting to hear him speak, Mo Ran shoves a piece of chicken into it. Mei Hanxue chews thoughtfully for a moment before swallowing.

Drowning his sorrows in cheap fried food and beer was a good idea in theory. Doing it alongside Mei Hanxue less so, but Mei Hanxue had happened to be in the area, and had a long and harrowing work day as well. Mo Ran really has been seeing too much of him lately, and Mei Hanxue laughs and tells him to get more friends when Mo Ran brings it up. Mo Ran bites back the urge to point out that technically Mei Hanxue is Xue Meng’s friend, and they’re only here because they’re the most convenient drinking buddies for each other.

They’ve been idly talking, but inevitably the topic turns to their wager. Mo Ran feels annoyed at the fact that it’s brought up, and had snapped at Mei Hanxue in an undignified manner when Mei Hanxue asked if he really was devoting all his energy towards the bet and not indulging in a little bit of real fun on the side.

Mei Hanxue, to his credit, is good at recognizing the situation at hand, so he had quickly dropped it and told Mo Ran he was joking. Unfortunately, his will to live is still not as strong as it should be.

“Let me get you another drink,” Mei Hanxue says solemnly. “One for each missed opportunity for Xiao Mo.”

Mo Ran stares at him for a moment, and Mei Hanxue simply gives him a sunny smile as he slides off the stool and ambles up to the bar counter. It’s only then that it clicks in Mo Ran’s mind what Mei Hanxue meant. When Mei Hanxue comes back with two pitchers, Mo Ran glares at him and he laughs.

“So are you guys actually dating now?” Mei Hanxue asks and Mo Ran grimaces. “You seem to be playing the long game here.”

“I’m not playing any games,” Mo Ran says defensively, and Mei Hanxue raises one thin, blond eyebrow.

“No, you’re just draining my wallet,” Mei Hanxue says dryly as he pulls Mo Ran’s glass towards him and pours him out some beer. “I hope you’re using the money for good, at least.”

The words make Mo Ran more irritable. He hasn’t touched the money at all, but it doesn’t change the fact that earlier, he didn’t have a problem collecting it. Now, it feels weird to do so. 

“Stop paying me then,” he grumbles, taking the proffered glass and downing half in one go. When he sets it back down, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and hiccups lightly. “No one said you had to pay me per date.”

“Think of it as charity,” Mei Hanxue says and Mo Ran’s gaze immediately sharpens. He gives Mei Hanxue a warning look, and it takes Mei Hanxue a moment to pick up on it. “For Chu Wanning. Really, both of you should be thanking me. Fine— stop giving me that look, it’s scaring me. I’ll stop, I’ll only give you what I owe you if you finish the rest of the bet.”

Mo Ran doesn’t quite know how to respond to that, so he raises his glass to his lips and takes a long swig. Mei Hanxue finally derails the topic towards work like it’s nothing, and Mo Ran manages to move along with it, pretending in equal parts that there’s not something weighing on him, and he’s not currently wondering what Chu Wanning is up to. 

Well, Mo Ran isn’t stupid, not as much as others may think he is. 

He knows what it means when he thinks about Chu Wanning during the day, and not just when he’s alone in his bed at night, thinking about the soft sound Chu Wanning makes every time Mo Ran nips at his lower lip. He knows what it means when he follows through on his urge to text Chu Wanning and ask how his day has been, he knows what it means when Chu Wanning listens to him patiently complain about work without interjecting and blaming it on Mo Ran. And he knows what it means when he’s committed every small fact he’s learned about Chu Wanning to his brain, beyond what would be expected of a normal, attentive partner. 

But just because he knows what it means, doesn’t mean he has an easy time coming to terms with it. Yet, deep inside, Mo Ran realizes just how far off his axis he’s been thrown.

It happens on a weekday— 

Mo Ran’s working late in the office with no one else left on his floor. He’s shuttled himself into a conference room to avoid the sound of the vacuum cleaner while he works, trying to crunch numbers for a department performance report. He’s had a day crammed with meetings and calls, and he doesn’t want to stay back late tomorrow night as well. 

Mo Ran’s focus starts to slip though, as his mind drifts to other tasks he needs to complete the next morning before another slew of meetings start. His computer pings, snapping his attention out of the sludge and back to the moment, and he sees a message in the corner. Mo Ran squints and opens it, wondering who else is in the office so late and— Ah, of course it’s Chu Wanning. 

You’re still here?   the message reads and Mo Ran responds without thinking with a yeah, probably going to be here for a while. 

He’s had to reschedule with Chu Wanning a couple of times now given how busy both of them have been with work. He sees Chu Wanning typing for a moment, but he never ends up sending Mo Ran a message. After a few minutes of staring at the screen with no reply, Mo Ran goes back to his work. Or tries to. 

Now that Chu Wanning’s cut through his thoughts, he remains there, nestled between the numbers and the tasks and incomprehensible formulas used on the spreadsheets. This happens every now and then, and Mo Ran is used to it. It’s been happening for years. Only thing is before, his mind would be preoccupied with cursing Chu Wanning out as he’d get kept back to fix the mistakes he made on his work. Now, Mo Ran is idly wondering that since Chu Wanning is clearly in the building too, if Mo Ran can bug him a little, maybe even go up to his office. 

Mo Ran shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts and focus again. He’s not new to relationships; it’s just that this is Chu Wanning. And that within itself is probably what’s throwing him off. 

Mo Ran knows he has the capability to care, but his capability to forgive normally runs in the diametric opposite. Chu Wanning tested just  how much Mo Ran could begrudge one person and now, he seems to be doing something entirely different. If  Chu Wanning had acted cold, if he had acted like going out with Mo Ran was a rare act of charity he was bestowing on his lessers, Mo Ran would not have found himself in this predicament. 

Instead Chu Wanning has started to open up to him. He’s not divulged his deepest, darkest secrets to Mo Ran, but he doesn’t act like a robot whose master forgot to program human emotion into him. He still loses his temper easily but it’s less agitation and more embarrassment; Mo Ran can tease him in the middle of a museum and Chu Wanning will storm off, only to do an entire loop around the gallery floor and join back silently beside Mo Ran.

It is all a very far cry from snapping at him, publicly blasting his mistakes, and coldly telling him that he’s incompetent beyond remedy and should be thankful for the grace of Xue Zhengyong, just because he was a little late in submitting an annual  report. Though, some of the comments may have been earned— that late report resulted in a fine with one of the regulatory bodies that Mo Ran hadn’t known was a thing until one of his subordinates recently made the same mistake and he had to explain to his superior why they had to shell out. Still…

There’s no point in dwelling on it. Mo Ran knows that he’s changed in the years he’s been at Sisheng so it should stand to reason that Chu Wanning has as well. With that thought, he closes the doors on any further rumination and tries to knuckle down with his work. He manages to get through a good twenty minutes of work, before someone knocks on the door of his conference room.

Mo Ran curses internally as he focuses on finishing up the task, eyes glued to the screen as the knocking continues. It’s only when he’s done the task a minute or two later, does he school his face into appearing less angry and more approachable. Mo Ran looks up, trying his best not to look too annoyed at his unwanted visitor.

His expression immediately slips into something more open and relaxed when he sees Chu Wanning’s grumpy face through the slim glass pane beside the door. Work forgotten, Mo Ran gets up to promptly unlock the conference door.

“Come in,” he says; Chu Wanning frowns lightly. He’s dressed in a jacket and holding a white plastic bag, briefcase in his other hand. There’s a faint scent of garlic and herbs around him, and Mo Ran’s eyes drift down to the bag.

“I got you food,” Chu Wanning says awkwardly, holding up the bag. Mo Ran blinks. “Since you’re here late, I…” 

Mo Ran feels warmth blooming at his chest, and gawps for a moment at Chu Wanning. He takes the bag, and Chu Wanning’s hand flops to his side. Chu Wanning looks at Mo Ran for another moment before clearing his throat. “Alright, well. I’ll see you around.”

“Wait!” Mo Ran says, just as Chu Wanning’s about to turn around and walk away. His brain has finally caught up to the situation at hand; they normally don’t share more than a passing glance at work or in Mo Ran’s case, a wink, just for properness. “Sorry, it’s been a long day. Come in, Wanning.”

Chu Wanning’s ears heat at the familiar address, but a quick look around tells them that no one is here, save for the janitor that is too far away to hear. He steps in and Mo Ran closes the door behind them with a click before walking back to the conference table. Mo Ran sets the bag down and peers in, seeing a large plastic container from a familiar restaurant. It’s one that brings a pang of nostalgia— there had been a couple of times when Mo Ran had stayed back at work having to fix what Chu Wanning had deemed an utter mess, and Shi Mei had swung by with food from the same restaurant. Albeit, he would never stick around to share it with Mo Ran.

The same giddiness Mo Ran had felt back then, he feels now tenfold as he picks out the container.

“I didn’t cook it this time,” Chu Wanning says, and his voice is so flat that it takes Mo Ran a moment to realize he’s made a quip. He grins and motions at Chu Wanning to sit down as he pulls out the chopsticks.

“Where’s yours?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning shrugs. “Don’t tell me you already ate. Knowing you, it’s probably not true.”

Chu Wanning’s cheeks colour, and he looks pointedly at Mo Ran’s laptop instead. Mo Ran slides back into the chair that he had been sitting in, setting out the small aluminium containers. There aren’t a lot; just steamed rice, pork meatballs and vegetables, and a small container of wonton soup. Mo Ran picks up one of the meatballs, and sticks it out towards Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning stares at the pork like it’s personally offended him, something that Mo Ran finds oddly endearing.

“I bought the food for you,” Chu Wanning says pointedly, and Mo Ran pouts in his direction. Chu Wanning rolls his eyes but leans in, delicately biting into the meatball. “I did already eat. I had a heavy lunch with the other directors.”

“Mhm,” Mo Ran says, not entirely convinced. His own stomach rumbles, and Chu Wanning raises an eyebrow. Sheepishly, Mo Ran starts to eat his food.

“Thank you,” Mo Ran says after the first delicious mouthful. He’s not eaten in a lot longer time than he wants to let on, and the food tastes like a boon. Mo Ran’s sure they must have changed cooks over the years, because it’s never tasted this good. “How come you’re here this late?”

“I’m always here till this time,” Chu Wanning replies, watching Mo Ran pick up a piece of broccoli. Mo Ran catches the way he looks at it, and holds it out to Chu Wanning; this time, Chu Wanning takes it with lesser resistance.  “Except for when we…”

He trails off, clearly embarrassed to mention it in their office.  Mo Ran finds it endearing, and hooks his foot over the base of Chu Wanning’s chair. Slowly, he tugs, the wheels quiet as they roll against the carpet. Chu Wanning digs his heels into the carpet to stop Mo Ran, and Mo Ran inadvertently drags himself closer to Chu Wanning.

“Except when we what?” Mo Ran says, intentionally making his voice salacious to get a rise out of Chu Wanning. Sure enough it works, with Chu Wanning sputtering for a moment before picking up one of the containers and shoving it in Mo Ran’s face.

“It’s impolite to talk while eating,” Chu Wanning says, and it takes everything in Mo Ran not to laugh. His shoulders shake as he tries to hold it in, and he sees the corners of Chu Wanning’s lips quirk up. And even though it’s not a smile, barely even a hint at one, Mo Ran still finds his stomach doing a little flip at it. 

Maybe this is what has been throwing him off. Against all odds, Mo Ran is learning how it is to have Chu Wanning show him care. 

It’s this food, and it’s Chu Wanning attempting to share his dessert when they go out after they eat even though Mo Ran knows he would rather wolf it down on his own. It’s a new, sleek umbrella showing up on his desk a week after their first kiss, and his secretary doing a poor job at hiding that it was sent down from Director Chu’s office. It’s Chu Wanning reaching forward right now, muttering that Mo Ran looks like a monkey dressed him as he straightens out Mo Ran’s tie, huffing in annoyance and patting the silk down.

“A little to the left,” Mo Ran says, watching in delight as Chu Wanning mindlessly obeys, moving his hand to smooth out the wrinkle of Mo Ran’s shirt. “A little more...”

“Mo Ran!” Chu Wanning exclaims, yanking his hand back as soon as he feels the piercing underneath the fabric. He had been too lazy in the morning to put on an undershirt, and the way Chu Wanning had looked at him in the car when he discovered Mo Ran’s piercing is imprinted into his brain. 

Really, every moment of that is engraved into Mo Ran’s memory. Mo Ran leans in and impulsively presses a kiss against Chu Wanning’s still-grumbling lips. Chu Wanning’s eyes go wide and he immediately pushes a laughing Mo Ran back.

“In— we’re in the office!” Chu Wanning exclaims, then catches his tone. He leans in and hisses, “Anyone could catch us.” 

Mo Ran casts a sidelong glance out the window; it seems the janitor has moved on from Mo Ran’s department, and half the lights have been turned off. Still, he sets down his food and leans forward, grabbing Chu Wanning by the wrist.

“Mo Ran! ” Chu Wanning yelps as Mo Ran yanks him forward, pushing his chair back at the same time. Chu Wanning’s resistance comes too late which is a shame for Chu Wanning, because the man carries some real strength with him. It is not a shame for Mo Ran, who gets what he wants; a lap full of an indignant Chu Wanning.

He keeps pushing his chair till they’re in the corner of the small conference room, just out of view from the window. Chu Wanning gives up on squirming a bit too easily, and Mo Ran figures it’s to make less of a scene. He tells himself it’s because Chu Wanning secretly likes it.

“No one’s going to see here,” Mo Ran says, lowering his voice despite not needing to. He settles one hand against Chu Wanning’s back and another on his hip, safely ensconcing him. 

“This is highly inappropriate,” Chu Wanning hisses, and Mo Ran hums contemplatively.

“This is only mildly inappropriate,” he tells Chu Wanning in a matter of fact manner. “If I truly had my way, that would be highly inappropriate.”

Chu Wanning will look delicious sprawled across the conference table, swimming in a pool of clothes as Mo Ran goes down on him, or throws his legs over his shoulders and caution to the wind. Chu Wanning is a man of pride though, and Mo Ran has a vague feeling Chu Wanning would break his hands if he tried that.

Now, anyways.

“But surely, we can meet in the middle, Director Chu,” Mo Ran continues, and delights in the lack of resistance as he leans up to kiss Chu Wanning, not bothering to hide the hunger.

Because there’s heat too, churning between them, heat that neither of them can avoid. Chu Wanning eagerly returns his kisses, even if he lacks finesse at times, and it gets Mo Ran overly excited. They had moved at a slothlike pace physically, yet Mo Ran has never been so enraptured by relatively chaste touches,

With the exception of the car. That has been the hottest thing Mo Ran’s ever experienced, and he has the burning need to surpass it with Chu Wanning.

Chu Wanning makes a sound, seemingly of protest— Mo Ran takes advantage of his parted lips and slides his tongue in, tasting spearmint in Chu Wanning’s mouth. He feels Chu Wanning respond in like, and Mo Ran has an inkling that Chu Wanning doesn’t actually mind being in places they could get caught. He may even enjoy it. 

Mo Ran tilts his head and hums, intending to draw away to tease Chu Wanning. But now that they’re moving their lips against each other, he finds it very hard to do so. Chu Wanning is magnetic, and the more Mo Ran kisses him, the more starved he feels. It has only been a handful of days since he touched him in the car, and Mo Ran’s already teased him through messages, but it might as well have been an eternity.

A sharp knock cuts through their kiss, and both of them let out twin squawks. Chu Wanning startles back hard like a spooked animal, so much so that he practically flings himself off Mo Ran’s lap. It’s comical, seeing the formidable Director Chu sprawled on his ass on the carpet, and he slaps away Mo Ran’s helping hand.

“It’s the janitor,” Mo Ran says, trying not to laugh at Chu Wanning’s put upon expression. “He can’t even see us from where he’s standing.”

Chu Wanning stands up of his own accord and Mo Ran straightens out his shirt, before heading towards the door. Sure enough, Janitor Liu is there when Mo Ran opens the door, smiling politely and asking if he can come in and vacuum. Mo Ran knows the old man hasn’t seen anything, but he doesn’t think Chu Wanning does with the way he hurriedly rushes out the room, stopping only to greet the janitor before running away.

“Let me clear my things and then it’s all yours,” Mo Ran says amicably, but by the time he’s packed up and at the elevator, Chu Wanning is long gone. Mo Ran resists the urge to touch his lips like a loser, all for the two minutes he spends waiting for the elevator before he gets in.

However, like all thoughts of Chu Wanning, the honey-sweet warmth only lasts for so long. By the time the elevator dings on the first floor, Mo Ran’s chest already feels queasy. His fingers itch to feel Chu Wanning’s skin again, but a snide voice reminds him that he’s being deceitful.

After all, he’s seeing Chu Wanning because of a bet. An ongoing bet. And Mo Ran knows he’s not only being deceitful to Chu Wanning, but he’s being deceitful towards himself. The wager feels like revenge that Mo Ran no longer wants to take. 

As he steps out in the cool air of the late night, clarity suddenly hits Mo Ran. 

He tiptoes around the bigger topic at hand, but he doesn’t turn a blind eye to the other things around it. Primarily, he realizes that he doesn’t want to be dating Chu Wanning just because of a bet, and he doesn’t want to get any money for it. It feels dirty that he did to begin with. He doesn't want Mei Hanxue’s sly face in the background of whatever they have between them right now, the man’s wallet sponsoring his actions.

No, Mo Ran would rather be dating Chu Wanning without any strings attached.

Chu Wanning, who he’s hated and lusted after in equal parts. Chu Wanning, who was a source of torment for him and Chu Wanning, who has apparently looked out for him in his own way, if what Shi Mei said was the truth. Chu Wanning, who smiles like it’s a precious commodity and approaches even the smallest tasks with enough serious determination that it becomes kind of hilarious. Chu Wanning who has warmed up to Mo Ran in more ways than one, and tastes as good as he looks. Chu Wanning, who went out of his way to pick up dinner for Mo Ran, knowing that Mo Ran was working late.

Mo Ran is so fucked.

“We need to call the bet off,” Mo Ran says in lieu of a greeting and Mei Hanxue shoots him an amused look as Mo Ran slides into the booth beside him.

“Hello to you too, Senior Manager Mo,” Mei Hanxue says, making room for Mo Ran. He’s already ordered a bottle of liquor for the table, and pours out a shot for Mo Ran.

Yet again, Mo Ran finds himself in the younger Mei brother’s company. This time though, it’s with intent. Sort of. Well, it had initially just been their now-regular meet up for drinks, however Mo Ran has purposefully invited other people to come ten minutes from now, just so that there’s not much room for argument.

“I’m serious,” Mo Ran says, taking the proffered glass. They clink it together before downing it, and the strong liquor burns down Mo Ran’s throat. “I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“What, is he too annoying to be around?” Mei Hanxue asks, shit-eating grin on full blast and Mo Ran glares. “No?”

“Watch it,” Mo Ran keeps his gaze venomous as Mei Hanxue looks absolutely delighted, and pours them both out another shot.

“Ah…” Mei Hanxue trails off, then scoots closer to Mo Ran. He leans in, his flowery cologne overpowering. “Are you in love, Mo Ran?”

“Fuck off,” Mo Ran pushes Mei Hanxue’s laughing face away, wanting him to quickly absolve Mo Ran before their friends join them. “I want the bet done with. It’s weird to date someone for money.”

“It was a sweet deal though,” Mei Hanxue points out. “If I got paid to date people, I would have made the family fortune five times over.”

“You’re talking like you don’t have the option,” Mo Ran snorts and rolls his eyes. “There’s no shame in trying to achieve your dreams. I’m sure you’ll make a rich and elderly very happy.”

“I’ll just learn from the master,” Mei Hanxue says solemnly, and cups his hands in a mock salute. He’s about to say something undoubtedly bone-headed, but they’re interrupted quickly by the rest of their party. 

“What the hell are you guys doing,” a voice comes from the side, thwacking Mei Hanxue on the side of his head. Mei Hanxue whines and falls forward, and Mo Ran pushes him off one more time, flicking him on the forehead for good measure.

He barely hides his disappointment as Xue Meng arrives, Shi Mei trailing behind him with a bright green atrocity of a drink. Mo Ran had been hoping to get the matter settled before they arrived, and he casts a look towards Mei Hanxue that he hopes conveys that they aren’t done yet. Xue Meng slides in beside Mei Hanxue, pushing him till Mo Ran has to move over as well to make space in the semi-circle booth. Shi Mei sits on the other side of Mo Ran and once they’re settled in, Shi Mei swaps his drink with the beer Xue Meng was holding.

“Why are you so grumpy?” Mei Hanxue asks, rubbing his head and pouting at Xue Meng. Xue Meng sputters something incomprehensible at the sight, and Shi Mei cheerfully translates.

“He’s upset because he asked Chu-laoshi to come,” Shi Mei says, clinking his beer bottle against the tiny glass Mei Hanxue holds out. Mo Ran chokes and hides it behind a cough as Shi Mei continues, “But he had to turn it down.”

“Why would you ask him?” Mo Ran wheezes, and Xue Meng rolls his eyes. 

“Because we like him better than you,” Xue Meng supplies helpfully, taking a dignified sip from his battery acid drink. “We purposefully left out the fact that you’d be here. Shi Mei was going to come ahead of time and convince you to behave or take you somewhere else.”

“He hates places like these,” Mo Ran points out, which is a blatant lie because he’s taken Chu Wanning to this bar before while they were waiting for a dinner reservation, and Chu Wanning had taken a liking to their peach schnapps. “And hey, why am I so low priority?”

“Why wouldn’t you be?” Xue Meng says, and Mo Ran reaches past Mei Hanxue to punch him in the side of his arm. Inside, he feels both a mix of relief and disappointment that Chu Wanning didn’t come. The former, for practical reasons and the latter, because he just thinks it would be nice to have Chu Wanning in his line of sight. Better than his prickly cousin, anyways.“Ow, fuck you!”

“We thought it would be a nice reunion,” Shi Mei says placatingly, doing nothing to stop the two. He nods at Mei Hanxue and says, “He sends his regards to you as well. Chu-laoshi has a dinner with the board today, so he wasn’t able to come.”

“Shame,” Mei Hanxue says, giving Mo Ran a pointed look. Xue Meng frowns when he sees it, but Mei Hanxue saves both Mo Ran and himself by pouring out shots for all four of them. Shi Mei eyes it wearily, but sighs and takes it anyway.

“Senior Chu has had a pretty busy schedule in general recently,” Xue Meng says thoughtfully, and Mo Ran really wishes he would drop the topic. Especially because both Shi Mei and Mei Hanxue look at him this time, Shi Mei a little more subtle about it. 

It’s not that it’s surprising— Xue Meng had venerated Chu Wanning when they worked together, even when Chu Wanning was kicking the trio’s ass up and down the floor. Well mostly Mo Ran’s, apparently, since both Shi Mei and Xue Meng seemed to have maintained a fairly positive outlook on Chu Wanning. Mo Ran doesn’t find it particularly fair but given the current situation as a whole, he does his best not to dwell on it.

“Why are you looking at Mo Ran like that?” Xue Meng asks suspiciously, once he notices where both Mei Hanxue and Shi Mei’s attentions are drawn. 

“It’s nothing,” Mei Hanxue says, waving it off, grinning and his next words have Xue Meng mimicking a gag. “He just has a very handsome face.”

Thankfully, the topic drifts away from Chu Wanning for a bit, long enough for everyone to get some more drinks in them. Well, almost everyone. Mo Ran decides to drink in moderation and tries his best to not look too brooding. It’s mostly out of caution; if he gets drunk too fast, there’s a chance that he might actually share something with the class that he’s not ready to.

Unfortunately, despite his efforts, that decision gets taken out of his hands an hour into everyone getting trashed. The topic turns towards Shi Mei’s job hunt, now that he’s officially left Guyueye, and both Xue Meng and Mei Hanxue are trying very poorly to make their cases for their respective companies. Shi Mei’s a good worker, but right now, they’re pushing it more because the two men shamelessly want another drinking buddy to harass. 

“I wouldn’t even have to fight to make a good case in front of my dad,” Xue Meng hiccups, waving his hand enough to block off Mei Hanxue’s face. “He thought you were great, and would want you back any time.”

“I think it’s more of whether Shi Mei wants to go back,” Mei Hanxue points out, and Mo Ran huffs into his drink. “Would you be so eager to go back to your old tormentor?”

“My old tormentor?” Shi Mei squints, and then realization dawns on him. Shi Mei, for all his placidity, rolls his eyes and gives Mo Ran a flat look. “You mean Mo Ran’s old tormentor.”

“He made all of us suffer,” Mo Ran automatically sniffs, but there isn’t much heart behind it. Xue Meng scoffs and says, “This is why I wanted to send Shi Mei ahead.”

But, he’s thought about it a lot over the past couple of days. It was really just Mo Ran that Chu Wanning used to single out; the others had earned his ire as well, but never to the degree that Mo Ran did. When Chu Wanning had directed Shi Mei towards Guyueye, Mo Ran had thought that he had been casting him out. But with the amount of prospects Shi Mei has lined up, even though his experience at the company itself wasn’t ideal, it has given him more prestige than Sisheng could afford his type of work. 

There have been other opportunities as well though, that had presented themselves to the trio at large. Those, Chu Wanning didn’t have any issues squashing though there too— Mo Ran knows that the company that secured the Zhuque deal he and Xue Meng had worked so hard to obtain had gone under because of their association with the company. At that time, Mo Ran had been so clouded by his distaste for Chu Wanning, he did not have space to appreciate his prescience. 

“They’re not fighting like they used to,” Shi Mei points out, and Mo Ran immediately stiffens. Xue Meng’s brow wrinkles, and Mo Ran wonders if he can somehow telepathically communicate to Shi Mei to shut up. Normally, Shi Mei is good at being rather reserved. However, Mo Ran has a creeping feeling that the alcohol has ruined it.

“Because Mo Ran has been avoiding him as much as he can,” Xue Meng says, and Mei Hanxue lets out a snort that’s a little too loud.  “What?”

“Well—”

“I’m not avoiding him,” Mo Ran hisses, glaring daggers at Mei Hanxue and hoping this will waylay the conversation. “He just works on a different floor now. How do I avoid someone I barely see to begin with?”

Mei Hanxue’s eyebrows crawl up into his hairline, and Mo Ran is highly grateful that the man is sitting beside Xue Meng, and not in his cousin’s direct line of vision. Shi Mei is thankfully a little harder to read than Mei Hanxue, though he too has a scrutinizing look on his face.

“Well then he’s avoiding you,” Xue Meng says, and Mo Ran bites his lower lip. He shrugs immediately after, trying to mask the action, and Shi Mei sputters into his drink.

“What’s so funny?” Xue Meng demands, and Mo Ran tries to pat Shi Mei’s shoulder.

“Exactly,” Mo Ran tries, praying that the conversation takes a new direction sooner rather than later. “C’mon, it’s not exactly news that Wanning… hates me.”

Mo Ran doesn’t realize he’s done anything wrong until he sees Xue Meng freeze. Even Shi Mei pauses under his hand. Shit.

“What did you call him?”

“Uh…” Mo Ran blinks rapidly. He tries to think best on how to backpedal this, because unfortunately, everyone at this table knows that Mo Ran has called Chu Wanning either by his job title, or by a variety of colourful names, none that were particularly respectful. “The venerable Director Chu?”

Unfortunately, Xue Meng has known Mo Ran for too long. They have a kinship that extends beyond just being cousins; they were made to share a room together in the name of bonding at the tender age of twelve, when a freshly orphaned Mo Ran was first delivered to the Xue household. They had also stayed roommates in university and for a few years afterwards as well, before Mo Ran moved into his own apartment and Xue Meng went back to the Xue family estate.

The two of them are very close, having seen each other through so many stages of life, which is beneficial sometimes. However, it also means that they can read each other disconcertingly well. Annoyingly so, in fact. Most of the times, it’s Mo Ran that gets to lord it over Xue Meng. This time, Xue Meng catches on rather quickly that something is up.

“You—” Xue Meng narrows his eyes. “What did you do to Chu Wanning?”

“It’s Director Chu,” Mo Ran corrects weakly, just as Mei Hanxue coughs and unsubtly says, “with,” loud enough for Xue Meng to catch. His eyes blow wide open, and the look that rocks Xue Meng’s face is utterly scandalized.

“Are you—” Xue Meng sputters. “Are you—?”

“I did run into them having dinner together,” Shi Mei says, not to the table at large but more to his drink, and more in a quiet and contemplative manner that would rank as odd to Mo Ran if he wasn’t currently focused on repelling the murderous aura radiating off his cousin.

“We’re not fucking,” Mo Ran says, internally wincing at his phrasing. He makes it sound as convincing as possible, not wanting to dig the hole deeper by putting himself in a situation where he has to explain to his cousin how he got their former manager off in his car.

“Quite literally,” Mei Hanxue adds, his mouth loose and his words slurring with the stupid amount he’s drank through the evening. Mo Ran makes a multitude of gestures towards Mei Hanxue, each of them roughly requesting Mei Hanxue to stop fucking talking. Mei Hanxue seems to pick up on none of them.  “Otherwise I’d have to give him more money.”

“What do you mean money?” Xue Meng and Shi Mei both say at the same time, Mo Ran thinks he needs to definitely get a new drinking partner that’s not Mei Hanxue.

“I bet Mo Ran that he had to ask someone out of my choice,” Mei Hanxue says cheerfully. “And that person happened to be Chu Wanning. Who, very surprisingly, said yes.”

The cheer that had previously been blanketing the table immediately evaporates. Shi Mei slowly turns towards Mo Ran, who stares a hole into the table in front of him, while Xue Meng is aghast. Mei Hanxue’s gaze flits between the two of them, and despite Mo Ran’s best efforts to mentally obliterate the man, he keeps talking.

“I thought all three of you hated him,” Mei Hanxue says to the table at large. “Even you, Mengmeng, didn’t you say you liked him but he was kind of stuck up?”

Mei Hanxue is ignored.

“Are you fucking stupid?” Xue Meng starts, rage evident in his voice. “Does Senior Chu know about this?”

Like a shamed dog, Mo Ran continues to not make eye contact with anyone at the table. There is no part of this where he is in the right; even all the thoughts and memories from earlier, about how Chu Wanning spent so much time berating Mo Ran and humiliating him, hold no water in the moment. No one at this table has had the unique experience with Chu Wanning that Mo Ran has had, and he doubts there is anything he can say.

Xue Meng looks enraged, while Shi Mei looks monumentally disappointed. Mei Hanxue looks like he wishes he wasn’t sitting towards the inside of the booth, and Mo Ran can’t blame him.

“It was only one date, right?” Xue Meng says slowly, and Mo Ran scratches the side of his head. “You’re still dating him and he doesn’t know you’re just doing it because you’re getting paid?”

“It’s not just that—” Mo Ran starts, but he’s cut off by the sound of bottles clattering and Mei Hanxue exclaiming as Xue Meng launches across the table, trying to clock Mo Ran on the shoulder. “Ah— What the fuck! We’re in public!”

Their close proximity growing up meant that they also got into a lot of fights, as brothers do. It had been their default method of solving arguments, and it hasn’t changed as they’ve become adults. Xue Meng won’t ever actually properly punch Mo Ran, because Mo Ran’s been annihilating him since they were eighteen and Mo Ran bulked up, but he does come close as he tries to crawl over Mei Hanxue in the booth and get at Mo Ran.

Mei Hanxue lets out a sound of surprise and Mo Ran tries to shuffle away, but Shi Mei is too solid a presence beside him. Mei Hanxue tries to pull Xue Meng back to no avail, given that Xue Meng is a lethal combination of both angry and drunk.

“You-” Xue Meng makes a grab for Mo Ran’s collar, and tries to violently shake him. “You don’t deserve Senior Chu—”

“Ow— why are you defending his honour!” Mo Ran exclaims, wrenching Xue Meng’s hands off and shoving him back. Xue Meng lunges again, and this time Mei Hanxue makes a proper attempt to pull him back, landing Xue Meng half in his lap.

“Why not?!” Xue Meng hisses. “None of us would be anything without him!”

“You’d still have nepotism,” Mo Ran can’t resist spitting out, blood already ignited from the promise of a fight. Shi Mei immediately calls his name from the side while Xue Meng’s face contorts and goes an impressive red.

“Xue Meng,” Mei Hanxue loops an arm around Xue Meng’s waist to steady him, and to act as a barrier. He looks around, and throws a reassuring grin at the people passing by the commotion so that none of them call security. “Mo Ran’s right. Don’t start a fight in a place like this. My brother’s going to kill me if he has to pick me up from the bureau again.”

“Xue Meng is right though,” Shi Mei points out, grimacing as he downs a freshly poured shot. “After how much Chu-laoshi stuck his neck out for us—”

“For you,” Mo Ran interjects sullenly. “He never did it for me.”

“He did it all the time for you, jackass,” Xue Meng says venomously, struggling against Mei Hanxue’s grip. Unfortunately for Xue Meng, Mei Hanxue prescribes to the same workout routine that Mo Ran does.  “Why do you think you are where you are? Do you think it was my dad covering our asses for all our stupid mistakes this entire time?”

There is nothing Mo Ran can say to that; even his pride cannot win over his guilt. Though he can’t help but feel indignant. He wants to ask what exactly has Chu Wanning done for him in the past, how exactly has Chu Wanning stuck up for him, and why Chu Wanning decided to regularly drag him through the dirt publicly if he was supporting him secretly.

That though, is not a question for anyone at this table. So Mo Ran bites it back, and concedes.

“Fine,” Mo Ran says, dialling back the defensiveness in his voice. “It’s my mistake. I was getting paid to date him, but I was telling Mei Hanxue that I wanted the bet off.”

“You don’t want to date him anymore?” Shi Mei asks, and Mo Ran presses his lips in a thin line. It’s uncomfortable, having to be so open in front of so many people.

“That won’t change,” Mo Ran says. “It just won’t be part of a bet anymore.”

“How do you know he’s going to keep dating you?” Xue Meng says, and then makes a face like the words cause him nausea. 

“What the hell would you know?” Mo Ran bites back, folding his arms over his chest. “Have you ever even dated anyone?”

Xue Meng’s eyes go wide, but Mei Hanxue grabs his shoulder and shakes him gently. 

“Easy,” Mei Hanxue says to Xue Meng, and it… surprisingly works on Xue Meng. Mei Hanxue turns to Mo Ran and says, “Yo, Senior Manager Mo. Bet’s off.”

“Many thanks,” Mo Ran says dryly. While Xue Meng seems to have begun cooling off, he still jabs an incensed finger in Mo Ran’s direction.

“You better tell him,” Xue Meng says, and Mo Ran frowns. “As soon as possible. Or I will.”

Mo Ran opens his mouth, about to challenge Xue Meng, but Xue Meng starts to take out his phone. Xue Meng would be the worst person for Chu Wanning to hear the news from (admittedly, tied with Mei Hanxue) so Mo Ran immediately surrenders. “Put that away. I’ll tell him. I swear.”

“When?” Xue Meng demands, and Mo Ran grimaces.

“I’m going out to dinner with him in two days,” Mo Ran replies, resigning himself to his fate. “I’ll tell him then.”

“I’m going to check when I’m back,” Xue Meng says. Mo Ran already knows that Xue Meng is leaving for a business trip for a few days starting tomorrow; it’s why he’s told the white lie to begin with. He and Chu Wanning have actually planned for dinner the day after, but Mo Ran wants to give himself some cushion time before Xue Meng comes barking back.

Shi Mei sits in silence beside him, while Mei Hanxue just generally looks uncomfortable. Mo Ran tries to act nonchalant by rolling his eyes and saying a “Whatever”, but he knows everyone can see that he’s already started to break out into one hell of a sweat.

Xue Meng is right, though.

Mo Ran does owe Chu Wanning the truth. 

The only problem is, it’s a lot easier said than done. 

The night with the other three had ended on an awkward note; they had stayed a little longer and had tried to enjoy a few more drinks, but the atmosphere had been punctured. Even Xue Meng's indignation upon realizing he had spent a considerable amount of time parked on Mei Hanxue’s lap had done nothing to alleviate the mood, and by the time Mo Ran had gotten home, he felt like a peeled orange.

Everything in Mo Ran’s head has been telling him that the most reasonable outcome to expect is Chu Wanning running away. And now that he’s facing the possibility of that happening, he knows for sure that it’s something he does not want. He wants to stay with Chu Wanning, past this stupid bet.

And it’s not the best secret to have hanging over their heads either; not when so many other people are now party to it.

So. Mo Ran has to take action.

He just wishes he had been less of a coward from the beginning. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been in this situation.

So far, his plan is to take Chu Wanning out to a really nice restaurant, one that serves all his favourite foods. He’ll let half the meal go by, making sure Chu Wanning is fed and in a good mood before he starts to bring it up. Mo Ran has already crafted sweet words to cushion it with; how he’s glad the bet has allowed him to get to know Chu Wanning in a way he didn’t have a chance to before, and how Mo Ran wants to continue dating Chu Wanning because he genuinely likes what they have. 

Mo Ran is also mentally prepared to do the most amount of grovelling he’s ever done in his life. He’s had to apologize for a lot of things, but this by far might be one of the biggest ones he has ever owed. If he’s lucky, he’ll have to put himself through the wringer to prove his worth again to Chu Wanning. If he’s unlucky, he’ll be cut off completely. 

Just the thought of that makes him feel desperate. He’s gotten to know Chu Wanning on a personal level, and he does not want to let him go. But Mo Ran also knows he’s fucked up, and knows he needs to make amends. 

He’s so nervous that he has to wipe his sweaty palms on his jeans before he goes to pick Chu Wanning up at his place. He’s so nervous that he greets Chu Wanning in a fog, mustering up enough wherewithal to kiss him in greeting and ask him how his day has been. Chu Wanning thankfully doesn’t seem to notice anything amiss, and even scolds Mo Ran for kissing him in the hallway lobby where anyone could see. 

The restaurant is not too far of a distance from Chu Wanning’s home, so they decide to walk. The night is crisp around them and Mo Ran’s heart is beating at twice its speed. They don’t hold hands as they stroll, but Chu Wanning strides so close beside him that they may as well be connected. He’s wearing a deep navy coat with a collar that’s pulled up to his chin, the tip of his nose already turning pink in the cold. Mo Ran can’t help but look at him while they walk, and Chu Wanning doesn’t notice till Mo Ran accidentally trips over a stray crack in the sidewalk. Chu Wanning catches Mo Ran by the back of his collar before Mo Ran can truly embarrass himself. 

“Are you sleeping and walking?” Chu Wanning admonishes as he pats down Mo Ran’s front, even though Mo Ran didn’t even fall.  

“Long day,” Mo Ran says sheepishly, and Chu Wanning merely hums in acknowledgement. 

Mo Ran is doomed to fail from the off set. As it goes, he’s unable to bring himself to tell Chu Wanning the truth, even as they arrive at the restaurant and get seated. He makes it through their order and first set of drinks without saying it, and the other man notices nothing amiss. 

Chu Wanning tells Mo Ran about his day, idly volunteering it instead of Mo Ran having to prod him. Mo Ran watches in rapt interest and instead of bringing up the pressing matter at hand as the plates for their appetizers are taken away, Mo Ran finds himself laughing when Chu Wanning tells him how his secretary checked his temperature after he told them they could leave early if they wanted. 

He doesn’t find an opening when the main course arrives either, because he makes Chu Wanning laugh over something stupid and just the sight of it is something that Mo Ran cannot fathom interrupting. He imprints the scene into his head though, knowing that after tonight, it may very well be the last time he sees it. 

Mo Ran is being cowardly. He knows this. Yet, he cannot help it. He wants to savour and prolong every moment he has with Chu Wanning before it disappears. Compared to the other things he’s done, it may not be the most selfish thing he’s done. 

Still. 

That only counts if you actually tell him, a voice in the back of his head reminds him. Yet, it’s only at the end of dessert that he starts to attempt to breach the topic with Chu Wanning. Once he’s settled the bill and they’ve started to wrap up, he turns to Chu Wanning and clears his throat.

“Wanning,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning hums as he starts to slide on his coat. The words get stuck in Mo Ran’s throat, no matter how many times he tries to get it out.  After a few moments of silence, Chu Wanning raises a thin eyebrow in his direction.

“Yes?”

Mo Ran’s rehearsed this. He knows what to say. This is not the first time he’s had to have a hard conversation with someone he’s seeing. But this is more difficult than any of the breakups he’s ever had to initiate; he can’t even draw on any of the callousness he’s used in the past to shield himself in his more terrible relationships.

Chu Wanning looks at him expectantly, but everything else about him is relaxed. The perpetual tension he held in his shoulders when they went on their first date has long melted away, and while his default expression is still cool, it’s not rigid like the way it used to be. Or perhaps, Mo Ran has grown to have a proper appreciation for it, finding more beauty in it than he would in a gentle and warm face.

 “I…” Mo Ran starts again, just as Chu Wanning gives him a funny look. “Don’t want the night to end here.”

He’s so chickenshit. Mo Ran can already hear Xue Meng berating him, and does his best to simply tune it out. Perhaps all the terrible insults Chu Wanning had hurled his way when he started at Sisheng still hold true; he is incompetent, foolish, beyond remedy. He is incapable of having a conversation like an adult with Chu Wanning specifically. 

“Oh,” Chu Wanning blinks, but he does not frown. Instead, his expression softens by a minute degree that Mo Ran is attuned to. He tries to imagine wiping that look off Chu Wanning’s face completely with the truth, and finds it hard to swallow. “What do you want to do then?”

Mo Ran has no fucking clue. He makes a show of thinking for a moment, but all his brain can conjure up is a club that’s in the basement of a building that’s just a five minute walk away from where they are right now. It’s a dingy but popular one, one that’s perpetually overcrowded and a great place to run away from Mo Ran’s problems. 

Chu Wanning looks surprised when Mo Ran suggests it, then uncertain. It’s a shitty idea, but the only thing Mo Ran’s short circuiting brain can think of. Chu Wanning doesn’t like crowds, parties, or any combination of the two, and has never sought to hide it. Whenever he’s at a company function, he looks like he’d rather be staring at a blank wall instead. In fact, at the rare work parties Mo Ran has seen him at, that’s what he tends to do in hopes that no one will bother him.

So it’s surprising when Chu Wanning says yes. To be fair, he rolls his eyes and asks Mo Ran if he’s sure, but forty minutes later, they’re tucked into the corner of the bar at the club, Mo Ran already drunk but no closer to telling Chu Wanning the truth.

Chu Wanning had been right— no one, really, can afford the kind of bills he runs up. Mo Ran’s learning this the hard way, though it’s his fault for not allowing Chu Wanning to pay. They’re already multiple drinks in, and even the bartender is impressed by how unaffected Chu Wanning is. She gives him a drink on the house for his stamina, something that has Mo Ran giving her the stink-eye as she walks away. 

Mo Ran can appreciate the alcohol though, and the way it’s easing his anxiety. Unfortunately, it’s also sapping him of whatever urgency he had to tell Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning’s barstool is at a reasonable distance, yet both of them are pressed against each other, and Mo Ran’s steadily clouding brain thinks looping an arm around Chu Wanning’s waist is a lot better than telling him they need to talk. 

Not that they could, not with how loud the club is. Mo Ran’s phone buzzes, and his face drops when he sees it’s from Xue Meng. He tries to be as subtle as he can, checking the phone under the counter.

That quick?

Mo Ran grimaces and texts back a It wasn’t a big deal.

And that has been Mo Ran’s other misstep of the night. Mo Ran had been waiting for Chu Wanning to come out of the washroom at the restaurant, and had received a text from Xue Meng asking if he had told Chu Wanning yet. Mo Ran’s not sure what compelled him to lie and say yeah I told him. we’re fine when he has not come even close. Probably the same character deficiency that allowed him to pick up a bet like this to begin with. 

He doesn’t blame Xue Meng for casting doubt, but he also doesn’t want to think about it anymore. He should tell him tonight but Mo Ran feels like he’s flying near the edge, and wants to enjoy a little more time on the road he’s on before careening off into the unknown. He tucks his phone away, ignoring the way it keeps buzzing— after all, isn’t Xue Meng on a business trip? Shouldn’t he be focusing on things that are not his cousin?

“Is everything okay?” Chu Wanning half-shouts over the pulsing thrum of music, and Mo Ran shakes his head.

“Work troubles,” Mo Ran replies, and Chu Wanning gives him a questioning look. “Just helping Xue Meng out.”

“It’s good that you still look out for each other,” Chu Wanning says, and Mo Ran simply smiles tightly as he feels another buzz. He leans over and tightens the arm he has around Chu Wanning’s waist; Chu Wanning hides the beginning of a smile as he drowns the remainder of his drink in one go.

It only amplifies the guilt Mo Ran feels, and makes his gut churn. He smothers it as he leans in and speaks into Chu Wanning’s ear.

“Wanna dance?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning immediately jerks back, looking like an aggrieved cat. It makes Mo Ran laugh.

“I don’t like dancing,” Chu Wanning says over the music, but if Mo Ran has to sit with his own thoughts for any longer, his nerves are going to fry. So he slides off his stool completely, keeping his arm hooked around Chu Wanning and tugging. They have two more shots sitting beside their drinks, and Mo Ran downs both of them before he pulls them away.

“Mo Ran—!” Chu Wanning exclaims, putting up no fight as Mo Ran leads them towards the dance floor.

The place is cramped, people ebbing and flowing, moving like anemone as the song playing starts to stutter, lights flashing. No one notices them as they find a small empty pocket in the middle of the crowded floor. The bass turns slow and smouldering as a filthier song comes on, and Chu Wanning’s trying to tell Mo Ran something. It’s fruitless over the music but Mo Ran leans in anyways; he hears something about the two of them being too old for this, but it’s also followed by two hands landing on his biceps, which speaks infinitely more than any words do. 

Chu Wanning doesn’t push him off.  When Mo Ran loops his arms around that lithe waist once more, the white strobing lights roll down to a pulsing blue, one that lazily melts between red and purple. Mo Ran draws back to watch all of it dance against Chu Wanning’s face. Chu Wanning looks exasperated as Mo Ran sways them around, but his expression is relaxed when Mo Ran gives him a dimpled smile.

“Isn’t this fun, Wanning?” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning gives him a flat look.

“No,” Chu Wanning says, sliding his hands up to rest on Mo Ran’s shoulders. Mo Ran laughs as he yanks Chu Wanning closer, till he’s a hot line against Mo Ran’s body, and starts to move them. Chu Wanning tentatively shifts his weight from foot to foot as they go, occasionally getting bumped by a person here or there. It’s not really dancing as much as it is swaying, but Mo Ran thinks hell will freeze over before he can convince Chu Wanning to actually move against him.

It’s just as well because everything is already overwhelming him — the music, his emotions, the people, the solid form of Chu Wanning against him, the alcohol — and his brain is fizzling out into a white noise. Albeit, it’s rather pleasant because like this, he doesn’t have the capacity to think too deeply. All he has to do is move, hold onto Chu Wanning, and stare at the way he licks his lips.

Chu Wanning has such a nice mouth. Mo Ran has tasted it a couple of times now, but he hungers for it more and more each time. Chu Wanning is so reserved but kisses with a lot of unbridled energy, like he doesn’t know how to direct it so he lets it flow everywhere. Mo Ran likes it.

Mo Ran likes a lot of things about him. The more Mo Ran becomes aware of this, the more he realizes that there’s not a lot about himself that Chu Wanning should like. 

Chu Wanning catches him looking and Mo Ran wishes he could properly see the flush that’s undoubtedly crossing his face. Mo Ran can’t help but be drawn in; it is not to say anything, but to press his lips against the corner of Chu Wanning’s mouth. Chu Wanning yelps and snaps his head back, still not letting go of Mo Ran.

“People are watching!” Chu Wanning exclaims, and Mo Ran raises an eyebrow. He tightens his arms around Chu Wanning, letting one drift lower to rest on his lower back.

“Yeah?” Mo Ran counters. “Who’s watching?”

Chu Wanning actually takes a look around, something that brings Mo Ran dark amusement. Moreso when Chu Wanning’s face turns scandalized as he realizes that everyone else is also as absorbed with each other as they are, some in a more indecent way than a simple kiss. 

While Chu Wanning has his moment of understanding, Mo Ran leans in to kiss down the line of his neck. He feels Chu Wanning swallow hard against his lips and smiles, skimming his teeth over the pulsepoint on the slender neck. Mo Ran nips, just enough for Chu Wanning to thump his hand against Mo Ran’s shoulder. 

A hand slides around the nape of Mo Ran’s neck and he waits to get tugged back; instead, Chu Wanning rests his hand there, fingers curling lightly against Mo Ran’s hair. Satisfied, Mo Ran buries his face against the crook of Chu Wanning’s neck.

He mouths along the words of the song against warm, flush skin. Mo Ran can feel Chu Wanning arch into his touch, and slides his hands down so that he can squeeze the other man’s hips hard enough to leave fingerprints through the fabric. Mo Ran inhales deeply, smelling the sweat and skin and faint scent of spring that always follows Chu Wanning around. 

His eyes drift close and despite getting bumped by all the other people packed in the tight space, his senses do a good job of zeroing out till all they pick up is the way he can feel Chu Wanning’s shirt crinkle against his arms as he holds onto him tightly.

As he stays there in that liminal space, Mo Ran feels his brain surrender more to the slush of alcohol, finally letting go of the ugly black ball building within his chest, even if only temporarily. He can’t even think of telling Chu Wanning the truth right now; he’s overflowing from within, and in no state to approach it in a way that’s not clumsy.

There must be another way to set this right.

But maybe it’s not something he needs to think about now. And that’s selfish of him, but Mo Ran knows he can be a very covetous man. Perhaps that’s one of the other reasons he’s so scared of admitting it to Chu Wanning. Mo Ran knows that if Chu Wanning breaks it off, Mo Ran’s immediate reaction will be to bare himself to Chu Wanning to prove his heart. But there is nothing there that is worth loving in a man like Mo Ran, not in a man that could do something so cruel. Even if he wishes for it. 

Chu Wanning clings onto him as they continue to sway together, compressed into the crowd with all the other moving bodies. Heat builds within Mo Ran, but it’s not just lust. It’s warmer and more encompassing, swallowing him up from the inside and making him feel light headed. He wants to melt into Chu Wanning and remain there, held by him as tightly as he holds him. 

If he tells Chu Wanning right now, the moment will be snatched away immediately. The chance of it coming back is rare. Part of Mo Ran knows that he stands a good chance of losing this and he doesn’t want to. But he owes Chu Wanning that honesty. Or at least, he owes Chu Wanning an experience that someone else isn’t secretly paying for. 

He feels a soft pressure against his temple, a pair of lips in a gentle, although clumsy kiss. Mo Ran buries his face in deeper, taking in one last inhale before drawing back to study Chu Wanning’s half-lidded eyes, his sharp cheekbones, the way his brows no longer look like they’re permanently drawn in displeasure. 

Chu Wanning’s gaze belatedly snaps up to Mo Ran’s and before any thought can squeeze its way through Mo Ran’s brain, Mo Ran leans down and scoops Chu Wanning up in another longing kiss.This time, Chu Wanning doesn’t argue or pull back. Instead he tentatively tilts his head, and Mo Ran can feel the shy eagerness in the kiss.

The song rolls into another one as they move their lips together, Mo Ran directing the flow of it once more. He can feel the bass in his teeth and Chu Wanning’s fingers dig into him, and he prays that the moment never ends.

It’s strange. Mo Ran has an understanding of what he must do and at the same time, he doesn’t. There are some things, however, that he does know for sure; the first is that he doesn’t deserve Chu Wanning, and the second is that he badly does not want to let him go.

The last thing Mo Ran knows, the last thing that is certain in his heart no matter how much he wishes it wasn’t, is that in the end, it won’t be his choice anyways.

Eventually, Chu Wanning manages to drag them out of the club, once he thinks that Mo Ran’s truly had enough for the night and Chu Wanning’s reached his own limit for how many sweaty bodies he can have bump into him.

It’s not the most ideal situation for getting out, but Mo Ran is too drunk to go any further. Chu Wanning is merely tipsy, and has to get them home. He suggests that he drops Mo Ran off to his place first, but Mo Ran loops his arms around Chu Wanning and loudly complains until Chu Wanning caves in and tells him he can stay at his.

Mo Ran has been tilting strangely between sombre and overly affectionate since the club, and Chu Wanning assumes that work really has been stressful for him too. He knows that Mo Ran has been staying back late and working through all his lunches, a precedent that Chu Wanning regrets setting. At least he was able to relax tonight, even if he’s been all over the place.

Chu Wanning swallows down his pride and directs the car they call to his own place. Since Mo Ran is so washed, there’s a strong chance that he won’t remember the state Chu Wanning’s apartment is in. After Chu Wanning tucks Mo Ran into bed, he can shove the debris scattered around his apartment into the cupboards and drawers. When Mo Ran wakes up, Chu Wanning’s apartment will appear somewhat in order. 

It’s with that resolution that he hauls Mo Ran out of the cab, slinging an arm over him and dragging him past the front lobby and into the elevator. Mo Ran freely gropes him in there, despite not being able to keep his eyes fully open and mumbling nonsense under his breath. Chu Wanning tries not to turn red and makes a concentrated effort in pushing Mo Ran’s hands away from his more private areas, finally allowing Mo Ran to envelop him in a bear hug while the elevator takes him up. 

They had already been incredibly indecent at the club; Chu Wanning can’t believe himself, that he caved in and did all of… that, in a place packed to the brim with strangers. It’s only because that incident in the car and the kiss in the office left him so wound up that Chu Wanning let his guard down by that much. It seems to be one of the side-effects of remaining untouched for such a long portion of his life, only to be then swept up by a devilishly attractive man.

Chu Wanning tries not to think about it too much in the elevator, otherwise he may let Mo Ran take more liberties with him. And if someone walks in on them, Chu Wanning will have to find a new apartment to live in.

Chu Wanning manages to haul them all the way to his home, holding Mo Ran up with one arm as he digs around for his keys. Mo Ran manages to sloppily kick off his shoes when they stumble in, and Chu Wanning follows suit.

Without much ceremony, Chu Wanning hauls them towards his bedroom, artfully stepping around clothes and books he’s dumped on the ground, mentally mapping out just where he’s going to shove them. He brings Mo Ran to the washroom, the cleanest place in the apartment, and tells him to wash his face while he goes and makes the bed. It doesn’t seem he has to worry about Mo Ran seeing his mess, given that Mo Ran is barely keeping his eyes open.

Chu Wanning pulls the edge of his sheets and ties them into the knot, bundling the books and broken apart electronics he likes to tinker with in his free time that have a semi permanent home on his bed, and dumps it in his closet before spreading a fresh sheet and a quilt.

It’s just in time for Mo Ran to stumble out of the bathroom, face dripping but eyes still glazed over. 

“Wanning,” Mo Ran slurs, and Chu Wanning steps towards him to steady him as he sways. Mo Ran misinterprets the movement, and brings Chu Wanning in for a kiss that in their current state, is a lot more slobbering than sexy. And still, painfully endearing.

Mo Ran whines when Chu Wanning pushes him away, but Chu Wanning looks at him fondly as he drags him towards the bed. He manages to sit Mo Ran down and pull off his jacket, before laying the man down on his side. Chu Wanning thinks he may have to tug Mo Ran’s pants off for comfort but the thought of it makes his ears flame, and Mo Ran will definitely get the wrong idea then.

“If you’re not comfortable in your jeans, you should take them off,” Chu Wanning settles on saying, and Mo Ran gives a small “heh”. Within the blink of an eye, Mo Ran’s jeans and shirt are off, leaving the man in snug boxer briefs that stretch beautifully over muscular thighs. Chu Wanning’s mouth goes dry, but Mo Ran makes a slurred attempt to speak, and Chu Wanning immediately snaps back to focus.

“I wanna talk with you,” Mo Ran says, his words melting into each other as he flops an arm out. 

“We can talk in the morning,” Chu Wanning says, bringing the quilt up to Mo Ran’s shoulders. It’s partly because his room is cool and partly because he needs to cover up Mo Ran’s form before he self-implodes. “I’m going to get you water.”

Chu Wanning picks up Mo Ran’s jeans, taking out his phone, wallet, and keys before he folds the clothes neatly and sets them on the bedside table. He leaves Mo Ran’s other belongings on top there as well; he debates leaving the jacket, but the pile of clothes may grow too high on the already crowded table.

“Wanning… don’t leeeave,” Mo Ran complains as Chu Wanning steps back, and a small smile threatens to tug at Chu Wanning’s face. He feels affection as he sees Mo Ran flail in bed for a few more seconds before ending up in some sort of twisted position, tangled up in the quilt. Mo Ran’s eyes are shut and a few moments later, his mouth drifts open as he starts to lightly snore.

Mo Ran’s jacket in hand, Chu Wanning heads back out to see what he can do to make his place look like less of an abomination when Mo Ran wakes up significantly more sober. At one point, he briefly entertains blindfolding Mo Ran in the morning so he sees nothing on the way out, but grudgingly vetoes that idea.

He kicks a few things under his sofa as he makes his way through the living room, and arranging some books on the table with his free hand. Chu Wanning thinks for a moment as he picks one of the cushions off the floor. Even though Mo Ran and him are… entangled… he doesn’t want to be improper by sharing a bed with him, not when they haven’t already done so. He’ll take the sofa instead, so he scoops up the sweaters and overcoat he’s dumped over the course of the past week, and heads towards the front closet.

Chu Wanning throws a majority of his stuff on the closet shelf, but decides to take care in hanging his and Mo Ran’s jacket. He hangs up his own, and when he starts with Mo Ran’s, he sees something fall out of his pocket.

He looks down at it. From here, it looks like a crumpled, used napkin. Chu Wanning scoffs; clearly, Mo Ran isn’t as neat as he proclaims to be. He puts Mo Ran’s jacket in the closet, and bends down to pick up the napkin.

It’s then that he realizes that there’s some writing on it. It’s torn in parts, and the characters look like chicken scratch. Chu Wanning, in his tipsy haze, can’t quite figure out what’s going on outside of some numbers written beside some illegible words. One of them, he reads, looks like the word kiss, with a rather high price written beside it— though, the writing is so bad and the tissue is so crumpled that it could also be the price of an…ornament? Chu Wanning’s not sure.

Then he sees Mei Hanxue’s name in the corner, right on the edge of the tear, and grimaces; it must be some work deal hashed out between the two of them over drinks, as many deals between companies tend to be. Not curious enough to look at it properly, Chu Wanning shoves the napkin back in Mo Ran’s jacket, and turns his attention back towards making his apartment just a little more presentable.

(It’s all for nothing— in the morning, Mo Ran stumbles into the living room, apologizing as he waves his phone frantically. He had forgotten that he had agreed to an important meeting with a potential overseas client, and has to run back to his apartment before he foots it to Sisheng.

Chu Wanning tells him it’s no problem, and asks him if he’s sure he doesn’t want food before he goes. That makes Mo Ran pause, and he strides up to Chu Wanning. Mo Ran plants a kiss on Chu Wanning’s lips, a close-mouthed one out of mercy, before he steps back and tells Chu Wanning that he’s the best, and that Mo Ran will call him after he’s done and take him out for a proper dinner again. 

With that, Mo Ran presses another kiss to Chu Wanning’s cheek and gives him a big hug at his front door, before kissing his forehead and the tip of his nose and the corner of his mouth. Chu Wanning gets the creeping feeling that Mo Ran’s going to miss his meeting if he keeps kissing Chu Wanning, so he shoos him away, telling him to go be productive and that they can talk later.

Mo Ran’s in such a hurry that he doesn’t notice the state of Chu Wanning’s apartment, and they both don’t notice that he’s forgotten his jacket at Chu Wanning’s place.)

Chapter Text

Mo Ran calls Chu Wanning while he’s at work.

Well technically, Chu Wanning is standing in the elevator line, not having started work yet. Mo Ran is across the lobby, leaning against the tall glass windows that look out onto the street. Chu Wanning looks at his buzzing phone, before glancing around and catching Mo Ran’s eye from a distance. He steps to the side, allowing the other people in the line for the elevator to go up and picks up the call with a sigh.

“What?” Chu Wanning answers, trying to fight off the fond smile that threatens to cross his face. He’s already scared one of his junior assistants with it before, and he’s not looking to make that mistake in a larger crowd. Mo Ran’s too far away for him to properly see his expression, but Chu Wanning doesn’t doubt that it’s one of mock hurt.

“Have dinner with me tomorrow night,” Mo Ran says. “As part of the proper apology I owe you.”

Chu Wanning fights hard to not roll his eyes. Mo Ran has apologized repeatedly for drunkenly passing out in Chu Wanning’s apartment. Chu Wanning’s not quite sure why it would be something so terrible but yesterday, after Mo Ran had finished the round of forgotten meetings, he had called Chu Wanning and blathered on about how he was so sorry for five minutes straight. Chu Wanning has had to tell him to stop apologizing because he had already forgiven him, and repeating one thing so many times gets irritating fast.

Of course, Mo Ran doesn’t listen. This fact is not as grating as it used to be.

“You don’t owe me an apology,” Chu Wanning says for the fiftieth time, and Mo Ran laughs. It’s low and rich, even through the phone, and Chu Wanning has to look away. It’s too tempting to openly stare at Mo Ran; he’s in a sharp black suit, hair gelled back perfectly, that expensive watch glinting in the morning light that pours in through the windows. Mo Ran always looks like he’s walked off a magazine, something that has consistently tormented Chu Wanning.

“I told you already that you can’t convince me that I don’t,” Mo Ran scoffs. “If anything, I at least owe you a dinner that I cook.”

Chu Wanning winces, thinking about the last time he cooked. Despite everything that came after, there are still some traces of underlying embarrassment that remains over from that night. He’s looked at a recipe or two since then, tried to make something new at home so that he doesn’t completely embarrass himself next time, but it’s been to no avail.

“Tomorrow night?” Chu Wanning repeats back, and Mo Ran makes a sound of confirmation.

“I’d have you in my evil clutches sooner but I have to work late tonight,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning feels his ears properly go pink. “Unless of course, you’d like to grab a late meal and stay the night. I wouldn’t be opposed.” 

“Mo Ran,” he hisses into the phone, looking around once more. Everyone, as usual, seems to be giving him a wide berth. “We’re at work.”

“Is that a yes for tomorrow?” 

“Fine.”

“What about tonight?”

“Absolutely not,” Chu Wanning replies, and disconnects the call. He hurriedly rejoins the elevator line, spooking the person in front of him with his suddenness. When they realize who he is and offer for him to go ahead, he takes them up on it, not wanting to stay in the same space as Mo Ran any longer lest he combust.

Chu Wanning casts one more glance over his shoulder at Mo Ran, who seems to catch his eye again and give a small, lazy salute. He manages to keep his composure as he steps into the elevator, but Chu Wanning feels warm under the collar.

It’s not that he’s naive, or a timid little flower. Just a little embarrassed, and weary of falling too hard into his own anticipation. Chu Wanning had contemplated Mo Ran’s glacial pace for weeks, but ever since Mo Ran had touched him in the car, ever since Chu Wanning had felt how hard he was, Chu Wanning’s felt a little relieved that Mo Ran too feels some desire towards him. His behaviour when they came back from the club had been lush, and had he been more sober, Chu Wanning may have entertained.

As it were though, he feels like he needs, ah… a little more time. Tonight would be rushing it, but tomorrow would be better. Though, Chu Wanning doesn’t want to be too presumptuous either, he thinks as he steps off the elevator and starts stalking towards his office. His secretary stands up and greets him, rattling off his agenda for today and all the special meeting requests he’s received for the next two days. Chu Wanning orders off all the meetings to accept and reject, and waits till he’s properly tucked into his office, face hidden from view behind his monitor, before allowing the faintest of smiles to cross his face. 

It’s a strange feeling to have, being this light. It feels frivolous, and Chu Wanning is the last man to be associated with that word. However, there’s no other word he can pluck from his own brain to describe it, and the light feeling has yet to go away. 

It’s strange to him because he has spent so much time beating himself up over any kind of hint of lust or desire towards Mo Ran, not wanting to be an indecent superior taking advantage of a subordinate. Being capricious had not been the smartest way to hide the feelings that he had developed for Mo Ran early on. Chu Wanning knows he had been wrong for that; but it had aligned with Chu Wanning’s intimidating reputation, and love has never been an area he has ever had experience in. 

That, combined with his steadfast honesty and his tendency to push his subordinates too much culminated in something tumultuous between himself and Mo Ran.

He didn’t think Mo Ran would ever forgive him, whether it was for holding him back on Zhuque, or turning Shi Mei towards Guyueye, where his talents would be put to better use. Chu Wanning hadn’t been blind to the way that Mo Ran had looked at the other man when they had started, and that too had fed into his temper, as much as he wishes that it didn’t. Chu Wanning has made some mistakes, and had spent the six months since his promotion wishing he had the chance to explain himself to Mo Ran, but it is as if it is not even needed anymore.

Chu Wanning still doesn’t know if he fully deserves it— but it may just mean something, if Mo Ran deigns to want him even after seeing the uglier side to him so many times. He’s tried to make it up to Mo Ran in other ways over the years, but he’s always chickened out right before admitting to Mo Ran that he has done something in apology, or done something to help him.

An apology and an explanation for the past would work best. Chu Wanning knows that the answer is really that blunt and simple. But it's hard to find the words. Pride is a strange and fickle thing, twisted in a weird shape around his heart. Yet, Mo Ran has seen past that in Chu Wanning, and hasn’t cast him aside yet.

It’s easier said than done to not let his judgement get clouded, or to tame his feelings before they get out of hand. Being held and even cared for to this extent is a novel concept to Chu Wanning, one that he knows he’ll get addicted to if he’s not careful.

Though, he’s wondering if that’s not all too bad.

“If you keep this up, I’m going to start to think we’re best friends,” comes the greeting, because it apparently pains Mei Hanxue to greet Mo Ran like a normal person. It’s what Mo Ran gets, he assumes, for deciding to save both his money and his liver by calling Mei Hanxue instead of dragging him to a bar.

“Dream on,” Mo Ran snorts, looking out of the window of his office into the sea of city lights. It’s late in the evening and almost everyone has left; he’s sitting at his desk, feet on the mahogany quite improperly as he speaks on the phone. Unfortunately, there is no chance of running into Chu Wanning this late again— the man has already sent Mo Ran a carefully taken photograph of a fat dog he saw in the window of a shop on the way home. “I wanted to know if you got the money.”

“Hmm…” Mei Hanxue hums, drawing the phone away and then whistles. “Wow, did I really give you that much?”

Mo Ran’s eye twitches. It clearly doesn’t matter to Mei Hanxue. That’s fine though, because it matters to Mo Ran. 

“Are we in agreement that this bet never happened?” Mo Ran says, and Mei Hanxue makes an ambiguous noise. “What?”

There’s silence for a moment, followed by a sigh. Mei Hanxue speaks and Mo Ran can hear the caution in his tone. It does not surprise him though, what Mei Hanxue says.

“I don’t think this is the solution you’re looking for,” Mei Hanxue starts, and immediately cuts off Mo Ran’s sound of protest. “I am more than willing to pretend this never happened, but I don’t think hiding the truth is as simple as that.”

“What, are you planning to tell him?” Mo Ran asks sullenly, because he knows that Mei Hanxue is correct. It’s merely a small piece of tape on a leaking pipe, there to ease his guilty conscience temporarily. Mei Hanxue hums. 

“No, but your darling cousin probably will if you don’t,” Mei Hanxue says. Mo Ran crumples up a memo that’s been sitting at his desk and flicks it across the room, watching it land neatly into the mesh garbage can. It does not give him any satisfaction.  “If you don’t tell your boyfriend by the time he’s back, Xue Meng might just take matters into his own hands. And as you know, he’s full of tact and grace.”

Mei Hanxue has a point. And if not Xue Meng— hell, Shi Mei knows. He could accidentally let it slip if he ran into Chu Wanning. The truth would be best coming from Mo Ran’s mouth, as shitty as it is.  No matter how precious and fragile Mo Ran thinks the thing between them is.

“At least he’s not back for a few more days,” Mo Ran grumbles. It buys him some time to think. Well— technically, Mo Ran already thought about it. He’s not the bastion of emotional maturity that he likes to think he is, and his brain is still primarily a jumble, but he’s managed to form a game plan.

First, he’ll present Chu Wanning a home-made dinner, one that he actually finishes cooking before Chu Wanning comes over. He’ll then tell Chu Wanning very carefully about the bet, and try to couch it in a way that lets Chu Wanning know that Mo Ran is grateful for it because in the end, it made him realize that he liked Chu Wanning. Mo Ran will probably leave out the fact that he got paid for every date and every kiss; paying Mei Hanxue back will ease the guilt. He doesn’t want to accidentally blurt out a confession before he tells Chu Wanning the truth, because Chu Wanning will probably just think Mo Ran’s trying to manipulate him.

Mo Ran will probably have to grovel. He does not anticipate any version of events where Chu Wanning is not mad at him. And it’s not the grovelling that fills him with the trepidation, but the idea of Chu Wanning looking upon him in white-hot anger once again. Mo Ran should be used to it, but learning about Chu Wanning’s softer side has really pushed him over a threshold from where he can’t return.

Shit.

“You still there?” Mei Hanxue says, and Mo Ran makes a non-committal hum. 

“No,” Mo Ran says, and Mei Hanxue barks out a laugh just as Mo Ran disconnects. So maybe this isn’t making him feel better as quickly as he thought it would. 

Mo Ran manages to hunker down enough to finish the tail end of his work, his mind forcibly emptied of everything but how to do his job. By the end of it though, it’s clear he can only keep the thoughts at bay for so long. The frustration and anxiety continue to roil through his chest as he packs up his belongings and finally heads out, eager to get home and be horizontal as soon as possible

He’s not sure if telling Chu Wanning is the right way to go. If he’s good enough at keeping a secret, Chu Wanning doesn’t have to know now. He doesn’t have to know till way later down the line, doesn’t have to know ever. It’s a stupid secret to keep, but just the thought of what Chu Wanning’s face may look like when he finds out is enough to make Mo Ran’s palms sweat.

In another bid to distract himself, Mo Ran stops at a restaurant to get food. It’s the same one that Chu Wanning had brought him food from last time, a tiny one that’s got two tables for dining, both of which are occupied at the moment. The gesture had been warm, something that Mo Ran would have never assumed Chu Wanning capable of being, not before they started seeing each other.

There’s a delusional part of him that grows louder and tells him that he’ll be good at keeping a secret, and that if he pours enough into this thing he has with Chu Wanning, it won’t even matter.  A quieter voice of reason lets him know the longer he lets this go on, the worse it will get. 

Mo Ran orders his food, rattling off the exact order Chu Wanning had gotten him last time. It’s eerily similar to what Shi Mei used to bring Mo Ran way back, and Mo Ran tries to imagine Chu Wanning asking Shi Mei what Mo Ran’s tastes are. The image of it is strange, and Mo Ran catches himself immediately after. It’s not that his tastes are elusive or this menu so extensive, that the coincidence is out of place.

Maybe it’ll be nothing. Maybe Chu Wanning will roll his eyes and call him stupid. He may scold Mo Ran and call him an idiot and shameless and allow Mo Ran to gather him up in his arms and prove to Chu Wanning that he is sincere.

… Mo Ran knows that’s a fool’s dream. No matter how much false bravado he packs in so that he can sound smooth on the phone, it’s unlikely that he’s going to be able to talk his way out of this. Old wounds will undoubtedly reopen; Mo Ran had harboured too much resentment in the past, and Chu Wanning had to have been aware of it. Perhaps the worst outcome is Chu Wanning using it against him.

But Mo Ran knows that the right thing to do is being honest; they cannot move forward if they have this between them.

Too bad that in all of this. Mo Ran has yet to ever do the right thing.

The other side effect to dating someone, something that Chu Wanning has rarely experienced before, is that he’s started to soften around the edges.

He’s not suddenly flipped his personality, or turned more personable. Chu Wanning has shown some slight leniencies here and there but his subordinates still hold a healthy fear of him, and he hasn’t spared much mercy for any of the other directors he locks horns with. It’s just that… he also finds himself getting distracted more often. 

Specifically now. 

Chu Wanning wishes that he was getting distracted by rosy revisitations of their dates, or Mo Ran’s smile, or even the sharp jokes the other man makes. 

It would be better than the fact that he, embarrassingly, cannot think of anything but the firmness of Mo Ran’s body, or the sturdiness of his hands, or the smooth planes of his well-built arms. The sight of Mo Ran sprawled on his bed nearly-naked has been imprinted into the back of Chu Wanning’s eyelids, it seems, because when he closes them it’s all he seems to see. The sheets still smell like Mo Ran too, something Chu Wanning is acutely aware of when he goes to sleep. 

He had been raised to see any form of desire — for love, for material pleasures, for power — as something to be ashamed of, something to overcome. Chu Wanning has never had that teaching tested to this extent, and he’s finding himself readily succumbing a lot easier than he ever has before. 

Mo Ran holding him, Mo Ran touching him, Mo Ran kissing him hungrily— Chu Wanning has committed every one of these moments to memory, as if it were his last opportunity to get them. From the moment Mo Ran invited him over for a second dinner, Chu Wanning’s mind has been replaying their time in the car. Well perhaps, that’s a lie— Chu Wanning has been revisiting that night regularly from the moment he stepped out of the car. 

Just that now, with this dinner invitation, it has an extra dimension to it, a fantasy where they have a repeat experience, between the sheets this time. Chu Wanning tries not to get too carried away with his daydreams where Mo Ran has him face down and both his wrists pinned above his head under one hand, nosing along the nape of his neck as he drapes his body over Chu Wanning’s and gets them acquainted in the most intimate way. Mo Ran clearly knows what to do, both with his own body and someone else’s, and Chu Wanning finds himself thinking about how much of him Mo Ran would want in one go. 

There is still the matter of how slow he’s taken things overall, but now that Mo Ran has done more than just chastely kiss Chu Wanning, Chu Wanning’s pessimism has become more muted and he’s no longer wondering if he’s simply unwanted. Enough, anyways, that when he goes home after work that night, he manages to bring himself off before bed without an overwhelming amount of shame afterwards. 

Mo Ran is so infuriatingly attractive though, that the thought of him lingers, well into the next morning and well past the amount of time Chu Wanning thinks it’s appropriate to lust after one person. He tries to channel his aloofness, but it just ends up getting him more flustered. 

Chu Wanning wishes he was just a little more experienced; so far, he’s trying to memorize what Mo Ran likes, but it’s another beast completely to know how to apply it in an appealing manner. His attempts to visualize it have only led to steam pouring out of his ears.

Thankfully, the next day, he’s able to drown himself in plenty of work. Chu Wanning finds himself rather popular for the day, meaning that there are a large swathe of messes that need to be fixed, and the work is enough to distract from his impending dinner that night. It’s also enough to start making his temples throb, and he wonders if there’s any merit in shutting off his phone for the day.

Chu Wanning manages to catch a brief respite during lunch, but as soon as he gets back, his secretary is reminding him of the meeting he promised to informally attend in the afternoon. Chu Wanning stares at them for a moment, trying to remember why he agreed to sit in on the meeting when international sales is not his department, then he’s reminded of who requested his presence.

All things said and done, Chu Wanning is proud of how far all his charges within the company have come. Even if two of them are no longer within his department and one of them no longer within the company, all three have done well for themselves. They all work incredibly hard, carving out their place in the world. One though, always feels he has more to prove than everyone else, and always wants someone there to witness his triumphs. 

And Chu Wanning knows on a deeper level, even at this age, people just want reassurance like everyone else, that they’re not crashing and burning. He’s done this for Shi Mei, and he’s done this for Mo Ran— though the latter questioned the intentions of his unannounced presence at meetings repeatedly, and understandably so. But Chu Wanning does this for Xue Meng today too, and slips into a boardroom right before Xue Meng goes up to speak. Xue Meng catches his eye and gives him a fleeting smile before proceeding with his presentation.

Xue Meng had begun his time at Sisheng with a lot of arrogance, as was expected of the chairman’s son. His first year had been extremely humbling, moreso when his father took Chu Wanning’s side when it came to discipline within the company. Xue Meng had picked himself up and had remained tenacious, despite joining his cousin in making one bullheaded mistake after another. He had never seemed to truly hate Chu Wanning, even if he did grit back his annoyance every now and then, and Chu Wanning has a small soft spot for the man.

Where that arrogance once was, there’s earned confidence now, and it’s clear in the way he presents to the room at large. Chu Wanning takes careful note of the things Xue Meng says— Xue Meng has always been the most receptive to his feedback, and has rarely shied away from taking Chu Wanning’s corrections, even if sometimes he seems crestfallen if he’s been anything less than perfect. 

As with many of his thoughts recently, Chu Wanning inadvertently circles back to Mo Ran. It was understandable that Mo Ran didn’t want him sitting in on meetings; Chu Wanning’s eye must have felt too heavy and too critical in the room. Chu Wanning had never done anything to ease that feeling either. He wonders what had made Mo Ran forgive him enough, and what had propelled him into asking Chu Wanning out. Not that it matters now anyways, he thinks, because they seem to be getting along well. As long as Chu Wanning doesn’t mess it up too terribly.

Faintly, Chu Wanning wonders if being inexperienced in bed will be his undoing. Mo Ran doesn’t seem to have a problem with anything he’s done so far but…

Chu Wanning has to shake his head and clear out his thoughts, because this boardroom is the most inappropriate place to have them. His face is hard to read, but so far, he’s taking too much advantage of that fact. He doesn’t want to accidentally project out his desires, not when he’s watching Xue Meng pitch a brand new idea to the department.

The presentation goes well. It’s clear that Xue Meng has worked hard on it, and has tried to bring forward something new and different from Sisheng. The idea is received decently too by the room at large, and Chu Wanning can see the way the other man’s chest is puffed up after it is done. After it is all wrapped up, and Xue Meng has been patted on the back by the same department heads that would chew his head off the moment his father turned around, Chu Wanning meets him in the hallway with a canned coffee. 

Xue Meng’s face lights up as Chu Wanning says a simple, “Not bad.”

It’s a high level of praise, one that Chu Wanning rarely affords, so Xue Meng preens a little before Chu Wanning coughs and continues, “I thought you were supposed to be in Yuliang though.”

“Well,” Xue Meng scratches the side of his head. “I was, but they pushed it by a few days so I’m flying out tonight instead. I’ve slyly been running around town trying to get this other project together though, so I haven’t been in office.”

“I see,” Chu Wanning hums, as Xue Meng pops open the can. “You seem to have made a good impression on Director Jielu as well.”

“That’s the main reason I came back in today,” Xue Meng says, taking a long drink. “He’s been ignoring me since Mo Ran and I got in trouble with our clients at Tianyin. But I need his seal for this project, and it’s too good to give up.”

“Did you work on this project with Mo Ran?” Chu Wanning asks and Xue Meng shakes his head.

“No, he helped me though,” Xue Meng says and shrugs. “Every now and then, he’s useful.”

Chu Wanning heard about that mix up, and how it hadn’t really been their fault because Mu Yanli had been simply itching for a fight. It was why things had gone sour so quickly, and why Tianyin’s representative suggested they’d be willing to look past things if Mo Ran specifically was fired. Xue Meng had so vehemently and angrily flung himself into defending his stunned cousin during that meeting that he too had landed in boiling hot water, until the matter had been completely resolved with a quiet threat drafted with Chu Wanning’s letterhead. 

Still, the headache it had brought had not been forgotten by Director Jielu, who’s been studiously avoiding the two since.

Chu Wanning casts a glance down the hall and wonders if Mo Ran knows Xue Meng’s not left yet. They probably won’t run into each other; Mo Ran texted him earlier on lunch, complaining how he has to spend the afternoon at Rufeng.  

“Are you doing anything after work?” Xue Meng asks, and Chu Wanning raises an eyebrow in his direction. “My flight isn’t till late at night. I owe you dinner for showing up today.”

“You do not owe me anything,” Chu Wanning says, not unkindly, and Xue Meng insists.

“Still, Senior Chu,” he tries, and Chu Wanning would not mind, any other day, but he is tied up.

“I am unavailable tonight,” he says, and when Xue Meng looks disappointed he assures him, “When you’re back from your trip.”

“I’ll take that as a promise,” Xue Meng says. “I guess I can always ask Mo Ran but…”

Xue Meng pauses, and Chu Wanning’s mind has already drifted to whether or not he had said yes to the last meeting request of the day. It’s why it takes him a moment to catch Xue Meng’s look, and realize that the other man is on the verge of saying something. In the far distance of his mind, a faint alarm starts to ring.

“...But I suppose he’d be busy tonight too,” Xue Meng finishes, and Chu Wanning instantly understands Xue Meng’s tone.

There’s no use in playing stupid. Chu Wanning feels a wave of embarrassment at Xue Meng’s knowing words and looks away, not wanting to make eye contact with him. Chu Wanning isn’t ashamed of dating Mo Ran per se — perhaps ashamed of the illicit thoughts the other man seems to inspire at a rapidfire rate — but there’s still something monumentally awkward about Xue Meng knowing, given their history. It feels… unprofessional. 

At the same time though, he shouldn’t have expected any less. Mo Ran and Xue Meng, as much as they argue like a bunch of small, energetic dogs, are extremely close. It doesn’t mean that it’s something he wants to talk about. In general, discussing anything to do with relationships is highly uncomfortable for Chu Wanning. He clears his throat and gets ready to make a hasty escape, using work as a cover.

“Can I say something, Senior Chu?” Xue Meng cuts through the plans with a knife, and Chu Wanning stiffens. He wants to say no, but all that comes out is an indifferent hum. “If Mo Ran ever does anything else to hurt you, you can tell me, ok?”

“Xue Meng…” Chu Wanning’s ears heat up and Xue Meng plows on.

“I was mad enough at him for the stupid bet,” Xue Meng says. “It’ll be nothing to suffocate him in his sleep, even just a little. It might do him some good.”

Chu Wanning’s not completely up to date on everything that’s come to pass between Mo Ran and Xue Meng, so he’s not sure what Xue Meng is referring to, but he grimaces either ways. He wants to remind Xue Meng that he should probably be threatening Chu Wanning, and not offer to threaten Mo Ran on his behalf, but he’s still working through his embarrassment.

“It’s okay Xue Meng,” Chu Wanning starts, and Xue Meng gives a world weary sigh. “There will be no suffocation needed. We are fine.”

“Hm,” Xue Meng says thoughtfully. “Mo Ran said that too, but I didn’t believe him till now. You really are a lot more forgiving than I am.”

…

The statement confuses Chu Wanning slightly, and his brows furrow. 

“There’s not much to forgive him for,” he says, and it’s Xue Meng’s turn to look at Chu Wanning like he’s grown a second head. His thick brows also scrunch together, before relaxing a moment later, and Xue Meng takes another sip of his coffee.

“If someone did that to me, I’d cut them out forever,” Xue Meng says, and Chu Wanning is truly perplexed as to what Xue Meng is talking about. However, with the way that Xue Meng is looking at him and the phrase did that to me, Chu Wanning’s stomach starts to sink. It must be something work related from his and Mo Ran’s sordid history at Sisheng. He hopes it is. “Wow, it’s really not a big deal, huh?”

It’s clear that there’s a piece of information that he’s missing. But Chu Wanning doesn’t want to appear like a fool in front of Xue Meng, so he tentatively says, “It was not that bad.”

Xue Meng drains the remainder of his coffee in one go, making a face as he crushes the can and tosses it in the trash.

“I guess…” Xue Meng studies Chu Wanning’s face for a moment before shrugging. “Everyone always says I’m really sensitive, but I feel like any normal person would be upset if someone only asked me out as a bet. Ah— not saying you’re not normal, Senior Chu. You’re very smart and very intelligent. And very charitable too if you’re dating Mo Ran, especially after this.”

The words take a moment to sluice through Chu Wanning’s consciousness and latch on to his brain. That’s the last moment of peace Chu Wanning has before understanding dawns on him. 

It feels like he’s been kicked in the chest. 

Xue Meng continues to ramble, and it’s all white noise to Chu Wanning. His insides are calcifying slowly as Xue Meng’s words register syllable by syllable in his brain. He immediately recalls what Xue Meng had said earlier too, about what he had been mad at Mo Ran for.

“He better not have told you I was part of it though,” Xue Meng’s voice fades back, and Chu Wanning picks up his words. “I was the one who made Mo Ran tell you. I almost thought he wouldn’t.”

Chu Wanning stares for a moment, as he feels his throat start to close up. A memory tickles in the back of his mind; one of Mo Ran acting strange, of staring for too long at a dinner before suggesting they go to a club. Of him being more handsy than normal, almost desperate in the way that he kissed. Of him telling Chu Wanning that he wanted to tell him something, but Chu Wanning had written him off for being too drunk. Chu Wanning remembers too, seeing a torn napkin, one with Mei Hanxue’s name on it.

He hadn’t gotten a good look at it last time, given how tipsy he was, but now…

“I see,” Chu Wanning says tightly, words hoarse. The floor feels unsteady underneath his feet, and something tightens with a vice-grip around Chu Wanning’s heart. 

“I swear, Senior Chu,” Xue Meng says in all seriousness. “All you have to do if he hurts you is say the word.”

Chu Wanning has shuttered off multiple times in the past. It’s been a defence mechanism since he was a child; his meter of emotions running up so high that he simply shuts down completely. It does not seem to be happening now, but Chu Wanning prays that it happens quickly. Because right now, he’s feeling every single, terribly emotion he could possibly feel in its full, grotesque glory. It’s indescribable. 

This is not the place though. At least his brain has enough coherency to agree on that with his heart.

“Nonsense,” Chu Wanning snaps at Xue Meng, and straightens out the front of his own suit. “And we’re at work, Xue Meng. This is not the place for personal talk.”

Xue Meng looks momentarily reprimanded, before he immediately and obediently switches gears, and starts to chatter about his project again. Mercifully, he gets a call from someone and looks apologetically at Chu Wanning, and it takes everything in Chu Wanning not to bark at him to just get lost. Instead, he nods, and nods again wordlessly when Xue Meng tells him he’ll set up a dinner when he’s back, before turning on his heel and picking up the phone.

He watches Xue Meng’s back retreat in a haze, and is only snapped out of it when he feels his phone buzz. Mechanically, he reaches into his pocket and pulls it out. The message is from Mo Ran and in the preview, it looks like he’s asking if they’re still on for tonight.

Chu Wanning stares at it. 

Instead of shuttering down, his heart simply feels like it has fallen apart.

Mo Ran has been so nervous that his heart has been sitting in his throat for the better part of the evening. He’s been tittering around his apartment like a busy hen for the past couple of hours, cleaning an already spotless place and getting dinner ready.

The last time had been kind of funny, with the way Chu Wanning had utterly botched their dinner. Chu Wanning hadn’t necessarily found it as humorous as Mo Ran, but despite the ghoulish concoction Mo Ran had come home to, it had clearly been made with a lot of effort. This time though, Mo Ran does not think that sort of humour has a place here.

He’s been feeling jittery the entire day, nervous about telling Chu Wanning. Mo Ran doesn’t think he’s been this tense before, even before some incredibly important presentations and meetings. He supposes it is because those have always had to do with work, which in the face of this, seems incredibly inconsequential.

Chu Wanning hadn’t texted him back all day, even when Mo Ran had texted him from Rufeng, asking him if they were still on for the night. It had picked at Mo Ran’s worry, admittedly more than he would have liked. Even without Chu Wanning’s confirmation, Mo Ran had told himself that Chu Wanning had simply forgotten to hit send on his reply, and had busied himself getting his apartment and their dinner ready. 

Sure enough, five minutes ago he had received a text from Chu Wanning telling Mo Ran that he’d be a little late, but he’s on his way.

Mo Ran is still, simply put, on the edge.

Xue Zhengyong has always told Mo Ran growing up that there are few things in a relationship that grovelling wouldn’t fix if the intent was honest, egregious acts notwithstanding. Well— the original statement had ended at “there were a few things that grovelling wouldn’t fix” but Wang Chuqing had kindly pointed out that constantly doing things that had to be followed by apologies suited no one in a relationship, and Xue Zhengyong had amended his statement.

Mo Ran doesn’t know if this thing will be egregious, but he knows there will definitely be grovelling. He’s prepared to lay his heart at Chu Wanning’s feet once he tells Chu Wanning over dinner. And this time, he’ll get it out of the way first, so that he’s not sitting on the edge all evening long. Sure, it’s easier said than done but for now, this is Mo Ran’s game plan.

Except it’s an entirely different story when he opens the door.

Chu Wanning’s face is set in an extremely dour look. Immediately, Mo Ran can tell something is wrong. Chu Wanning is pale to begin with, but now he looks like he has no colour in his face. Mo Ran frowns as he sees Chu Wanning’s red-rimmed eyes. They are not wet but they look like they were, and they hold some fury behind them.

“Is everything alright?” Mo Ran asks hesitantly, looking at Chu Wanning with concern. Chu Wanning makes a vague noise before stepping past Mo Ran, staring straight ahead.

Briefly, Mo Ran panics that it is something to do with him. He casts Chu Wanning a look but gets nothing in return; however, Chu Wanning allows Mo Ran to reach for his coat and slide it off. Chu Wanning doesn’t immediately burst into reprimand when Mo Ran pauses either. And ultimately, he’s here to begin with; if Chu Wanning was truly mad at Mo Ran, Mo Ran does not doubt that he simply would not show up to begin with.

“Are you hungry?” Mo Ran asks as he hangs Chu Wanning’s jacket up. “The food is ready if you are. You don’t need to cook this time.”

A strange expression flashes across Chu Wanning’s face, before it settles back into its stern and annoyed look. Mo Ran knows for sure something is up, and wonders if it was due to work. 

“Wanning,” Mo Ran calls to him quietly, and reaches a tentative arm towards Chu Wanning. When Chu Wanning makes no move to step away, Mo Ran circles his arm around Chu Wanning’s waist. Chu Wanning goes easily when Mo Ran brings him into his embrace — another good sign. It must have been something work related— it’s not the first time Mo Ran has seen Chu Wanning in a silent rage, but it is the first time in a long time  he’s seen it when it’s not been directed towards him. While listening is the best thing he can do, it’s a little hard when Chu Wanning looks too stiff to talk. So Mo Ran opts for the next best thing, and leans in to press his lips against Chu Wanning’s. 

It’s brief. Chu Wanning stays stiff against him for a few moments, long enough for Mo Ran to be concerned. But just when Mo Ran is about to draw back and needle him more about what’s wrong, Chu Wanning slumps into his arms.  Despite Chu Wanning’s suddenly pliable form, Mo Ran doesn’t deepen the kiss. He just moves his lips lazily, brushing them back and forth for a few moments. Chu Wanning doesn’t completely loosen up, but Mo Ran can feel little hints of pressure here and there. 

He pulls back, not too far, but just enough to see Chu Wanning’s eyes have fallen to half-mast. They aren’t as red any more, but they still look somewhat far away. 

“Bad day at work?” Mo Ran cautiously ventures, and Chu Wanning’s eyes close fully. Mo Ran studies his handsome face, and can see faint puffy bags under Chu Wanning’s lashes. 

Chu Wanning may be older than him but he is young too, and Mo Ran sometimes forgets that. While he may have been a terror at work, he also worked his way up in the company very quickly, reaching a high position by his thirties without having to rely on connected relatives. Xue Zhengyong had taken a chance on him when he was young and it had paid off; but holding so many burdens for so long would weigh anyone down, especially if they did it from a young age. 

Slowly, Chu Wanning nods. Mo Ran sighs, and tightens the arm he has around him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning still doesn’t break his silence. He bites his lower lip instead and for a few seconds, Mo Ran can see whatever is plaguing Chu Wanning war with Chu Wanning’s obstinate need to shoulder burdens on his own. Chu Wanning’s face grows even more tense, frighteningly so, and Mo Ran decides an answer is not worth any potential discomfort for the other man. 

Instead, he kisses him again, gently. Chu Wanning makes a sound that’s so hopelessly alluring that Mo Ran tightens his grip. There is hesitation again, evident in the way Chu Wanning holds himself, but before Mo Ran can check in on him again, Chu Wanning is kissing him back.

He’s pushing forward harder than normal. Mo Ran makes a surprised noise at how fast Chu Wanning pushes up against him; it almost feels aggressive. He gathers Chu Wanning in his arms and steps back, turning them around so he can pin him against the wall. As soon as Chu Wanning’s back hits the surface his hands immediately shoot up to grab onto Mo Ran’s arms. His fingers dig harshly into the muscle there, and the heels of his palm push in. Mo Ran can’t figure out if Chu Wanning is pulling him closer or pushing him away.

“Wanning…” Mo Ran draws back, and Chu Wanning doesn’t let go. “Are you sure you don’t want to tell me what happened today?”

Unexpectedly, anger flashes across Chu Wanning’s face, and Mo Ran startles. Suddenly, he’s uncertain whether it’s something outside of this room that’s bothering Chu Wanning.

“No,” Chu Wanning says, voice cold and firm. Mo Ran sighs.

“I won’t push,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning narrows his eyes. “But if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

“I do not,” the reply Chu Wanning gives is clipped, the fire in his gaze angry. Mo Ran will pretend that it was Chu Wanning that yanked him forward, and not him leaning in entirely out of his own volition to kiss that look off Chu Wanning’s face.

Whatever Chu Wanning is enduring, Mo Ran will help soothe him through anyways, even if he doesn’t want to share. The speech that he wanted to give isn’t completely forgotten; it just gets rearranged in his head as he pulls the two of them off the wall and guides them toward the sofa in the living room. The kiss is biting at this point, but Chu Wanning doesn’t seem to want to let go.

Mo Ran intends to sit Chu Wanning down and pull off, insisting that they have dinner. Except s the back of Chu Wanning’s legs hit the sofa, Mo Ran finds himself descending as well, till Chu Wanning’s half lying on the sofa, Mo Ran perched precariously on top of him.

“Let me set out dinner,” Mo Ran breathes in between the belligerent kisses. “I should do it before it gets cold.”

That’s not the only reason Mo Ran wants to abscond to the kitchen. He needs a moment to compose himself; things are rapidly heating up between them, and if Mo Ran gives in, he knows he runs a high risk of not telling Chu Wanning tonight. And he’s dangerously close to giving in. It has been a torture to restrain himself; not just from sex itself, but from touching Chu Wanning, from holding him and tasting him and getting him horizontal on the nearest available surface.

Chu Wanning seems to want him just as bad though. He’s clawing at Mo Ran like a cat but won’t let him draw away too far. Mo Ran reasons that Chu Wanning had yelled at him with equal passion at work before; this is just a different conduit for the man’s mysterious anger, one that works better for the both of them.

He gets a look at Chu Wanning’s bitten lips, and they’re so worried red that he can’t help but lean down and press a soothing kiss to them. That leads to them sharing another kiss, then another, this time their movements growing in passion. Chu Wanning parts his lips further, opening up for Mo Ran before Mo Ran even asks, and Mo Ran starts to lick into his mouth. He keeps his hands firmly on Chu Wanning’s waist, not wanting to roam too much lest he fully lose control.

Remember what you actually meant to do, a voice reminds him in the back of his head, and Mo Ran ignores it for a full ten seconds, deciding instead to slide their tongues together. Chu Wanning feels so fucking good against him and there’s a high chance Mo Ran won’t get to experience this after he comes clean so greedily, he indulges himself just a moment longer, memorizing the way the kiss presses on every single one of his senses as they melt into the couch. 

Finally, Mo Ran pulls back. Not too far— his lips still brush against Chu Wanning’s as he speaks, his body reluctant to go any further.

“I need to tell you something,” Mo Ran says, his voice hoarse. He throws the words out there before his building nerves can yank them back. Chu Wanning though, seems to not be having it.

“I don’t want to hear it,” Chu Wanning says curtly, in the same brisk tone he’s used to verbally dress Mo Ran down. It makes Mo Ran simultaneously recoil and stokes the fire within him further, leaving him in some uncertain in-between state. “I’ve heard too many displeasing things today.”

Mo Ran grimaces, and pulls back further. He moves one of his hands from Chu Wanning’s waist and settles the forearm beside Chu Wanning’s head, staring down at him.

“Seriously, is everything okay?” Mo Ran says, concerned. Chu Wanning is normally so restrained and reserved, and it’s making two versions of Mo Ran fight with each other. 

One wants to coax the answer out of Chu Wanning, make him eat dinner, find out what’s wrong and even fix it if he’s capable of doing so. The other one knows how sometimes one just wants to physically vent when a day is so shitty that it’s painful to put into words. Chu Wanning seems to be more responsive towards the second, and normally, Mo Ran wouldn’t have minded, but there is still something hanging between them.

“If you do not want me, Mo Ran,” Chu Wanning cuts through Mo Ran’s thinking, voice frigid as ever. However, Mo Ran knows him now. He can tell something is visibly thrumming beneath the surface of Chu Wanning’s icy tone, something that Chu Wanning is trying hard to suppress. “Then just say so.”

Mo Ran doesn’t reply, and Chu Wanning’s angry look immediately closes off.

“I should have known,” Chu Wanning mutters. He closes his eyes for a moment before starting to sit up, trying to shove Mo Ran off. The corners of his mouth turn down, poorly masking the embarrassed look on his face. 

All reason flies out the window. Mo Ran doesn’t know what it is about Chu Wanning running away that instantly activates desperation within him. He pushes Chu Wanning back down, hand firm on his shoulder as he looks at him, speaking honestly before his brain can stop him.

“I do want you,” Mo Ran says, “Really fucking bad.”

He means every single word of it too. He leans down and kisses the tip of Chu Wanning’s nose, something that has the other man’s eyes widening by a fraction for a moment. “I want to do whatever makes you feel happy.”

Mo Ran means every word of what he says. He hopes Chu Wanning knows this. 

They meet in another kiss, this one where Chu Wanning’s need is evidently clear. His arms slide around Mo Ran’s neck in a crushing embrace, and Mo Ran sinks his weight against Chu Wanning’s body. The couch isn’t big enough for the two of them to stretch out but it doesn’t matter; the kiss grows increasingly frantic, the lack of space going unnoticed.

At the end of the day, Mo Ran will put what Chu Wanning wants first. He’s been doing this since their second date, he realizes, but it has long gone past wanting to simply make up for what was a shitty first outing. It feels natural for him to do so, just like it feels natural to intertwine with Chu Wanning.

Still, Mo Ran hadn’t actually planned to have sex with Chu Wanning; he wants to genuinely just spend time with him. So he tries once more to prod the answer by pulling back, panting lightly as he stares down at Chu Wanning with overly bright eyes. Chu Wanning looks back at him with dishevelled hair, spit-slick lips, and scrunched brows. He looks angry and he looks hot, and Mo Ran can feel his resolve rapidly letting go. Instead of asking Chu Wanning one more time what’s wrong, different words tumble out of his mouth.

“The couch isn’t comfortable enough,” Mo Ran says faintly, and Chu Wanning scoffs.

“Don’t pretend that is a concern,” Chu Wanning replies, and it takes everything for Mo Ran not to roll his eyes. He hides it by kissing down Chu Wanning’s neck, slow and wet and deliberate, sucking at the skin every now and then. Mo Ran wants to ask Chu Wanning why he’s being difficult, why he’s barely speaking, but it would be foolish to think he would get an answer to it. 

Instead, he takes a second to gather himself mentally. He’s slowly getting hard, stymied only by the thought that all the food he cooked for dinner is growing cold. Even that is not a genuine concern— Mo Ran is grasping at threads, trying to convince himself to not give in. But Chu Wanning is pliant and so willing beneath him, and not letting go. 

A better man would find a way to stop this, but Mo Ran is a slave to his desires and a weak man in the face of Chu Wanning wanting him. Had this been a normal date, a normal relationship, where Mo Ran did not have something he needed to come clean about, he would have taken Chu Wanning to bed without a second thought. He would have done so thoroughly, till Chu Wanning was fucked too senseless to be mad about anything. It would be something that he would consider his duty. 

Well— he doesn’t know what argument he’s making. Mo Ran is utterly consumed, and he does not know for whom he’s pretending to be a good man with reason. He manages to move them off the couch, first intending to take them to the kitchen in a last-ditch effort to eat and then, when he finds himself with an armful of the elegantly dishevelled man, he redirects them to the bedroom. 

Mo Ran’s never felt this much fire from Chu Wanning before. He’s never felt this much from anyone before, and it turns his insides molten as he kicks open the door to his bedroom. Their lips are locked, moving against each other in a frenetic manner. Chu Wanning starts pushing and pawing at Mo Ran’s shirt as they kiss. Mo Ran picks up the hint and tugs his shirt off hastily, ignoring the tearing sound in his rush to divest himself of it. He peels his undershirt off too and suddenly, it all feels so real. 

Chu Wanning’s shirt comes off at the foot of his bed, followed briefly by his pants. He does not allow Mo Ran to step back and take a look— his movements continue to be frantic and jerky, as if he’s convinced Mo Ran will run away or change his mind at the last moment. He also looks like he’s incredibly nervous and uncertain and angry and  when Mo Ran asks after him, Chu Wanning gives him a look that could tear off one’s head. 

Mo Ran kicks off his own pants, leaving him in his boxer briefs and Chu Wanning in that white triangular underwear that Mo Ran doesn’t doubt he buys by the dozen. Chu Wanning starts to move back but Mo Ran spins them around till he’s the one who’s sitting back onto the mattress. Mo Ran steals another look at Chu Wanning’s nearly naked form, his throat closing around any words, the desire in him overwhelming.

He tugs Chu Wanning onto his lap, and Mo Ran kisses him fiercely.  Chu Wanning’s hands roam for a moment, their owner unsure, before they finally land on Mo Ran’s shoulders. 

It’s only the strongest part of his self control that stops Mo Ran from tearing off their underwear too. Chu Wanning tips forward as Mo Ran grabs his ass and yanks, and Mo Ran can feel the way he’s grown half hard too. 

The heat between their bodies is searing. Chu Wanning moves clumsily, like he’s torn between shame and aggression, uncertain what to do next. Whatever is plaguing him must have really pissed him off, so Mo Ran finally resolves to take Chu Wanning’s mind off it completely. It’s not like his mind would let him do anything else, not when he feels Chu Wanning’s bare torso against him. 

Mo Ran has imagined this many times in many different ways, each time the fantasy taking a different shade. Nothing compares to the real thing; Chu Wanning nearly naked is a revelation that Mo Ran wants to put his mouth all over.  He starts with Chu Wanning’s neck again, oddly fascinated by it this evening; perhaps it is because he knows how much Chu Wanning likes it when he closes his hand around it.

He holds Chu Wanning in his lap, pressing his lips to the divot at the base of his neck, before kissing Chu Wanning’s collarbones. Chu Wanning goes rigid against him as Mo Ran presses his lips against his sternum, dangerously close to a knitted scar. Mo Ran inhales deeply there, taking in Chu Wanning’s faint spring-like scent and sliding his hands up his back.

“What do you want?” Mo Ran asks, kissing Chu Wanning’s chest again, tilting his head to skim his tongue over some of the more sensitive areas. He looks up at Chu Wanning through his lashes, as he plays with the waistband of the other man’s underwear. He wants to slide his hand past and feel the warm skin there, wants to see it for himself.

“Do whatever you need to,” Chu Wanning replies, and some of the edge in his voice has been replaced with the same breathy need that’s thrumming in Mo Ran’s chest. Chu Wanning still looks annoyed at something, but he’s not extracted himself from Mo Ran’s arms yet. It’s incredibly hot, and reminds Mo Ran of the swathe of fantasies he’s held for years.

“That’s a dangerous offer,” Mo Ran teases, drawing back to meet Chu Wanning’s dark gaze. “What if I decide to not hold back?”

Something indescribable passes over Chu Wanning’s face, and for a moment Mo Ran thinks the words didn’t land in the way he hoped they would. It’s only a flash though, and Chu Wanning’s expression falls back into his default, carefully neutral, verging on annoyed state.

His hands slide down from Mo Ran’s shoulders and fold over his chest, and the words that follow  are pinched and haughty.

“I’ve handled everything else,” Chu Wanning says, frowning. “Do you think I wouldn’t be able to handle this either?”

The words shoot straight to his core and Mo Ran exhales loudly before he yanks Chu Wanning forward into a crashing kiss. Perhaps he hadn’t been showing as much restraint in the past as he thought he was, given what Chu Wanning said, but Mo Ran doesn’t care. He won’t have to show any now. 

Their tongues slide together and Mo Ran sucks on Chu Wanning’s for a few moments, just to make things more filthy. He slides his hand into Chu Wanning’s underwear and grabs a handful of his ass, squeezing the muscle and enjoying the feel of it. Chu Wanning inhales sharply and Mo Ran takes that opportunity to flip them around and send Chu Wanning sprawling onto the bed.

Before Chu Wanning can prop himself up on his elbows, Mo Ran grabs him by one of his plush thighs and flips him over, till he’s faced with the smooth expanse of Chu Wanning’s back. Chu Wanning’s body is as elegant bared as it is clothed, and Mo Ran feels desire til the tips of his fingers. He kisses a line down Chu Wanning’s back, hands skating along his sides till they reach Chu Wanning’s waistband.  Mo Ran hooks his thumbs in, and pauses for a moment.

There’s an alarm dying out in the back of his head; it tries to ask him what he thinks is going to happen if he saves his revelation till after he sleeps with Chu Wanning. But he’s already had him in his car, and Chu Wanning wants to seem to lose himself. So Mo Ran decides to compartmentalize his guilt, and yanks off Chu Wanning’s underwear. He slides it over long legs and throws it to the side, hears his name called out in a wet and broken way. The blood thundering in Mo Ran’s ears overtake any sort of reason.

Mo Ran kisses the base of Chu Wanning’s spine, before frantically pressing his lips in a wet and haphazard line upwards, till he reaches the nape of Chu Wanning’s neck. He scoops up Chu Wanning’s jaw in his hand turns his head, draping his body over Chu Wanning’s as he guides them into a kiss that’s more tongue than anything. Mo Ran grinds against Chu Wanning as they kiss, the cloth of his briefs doing nothing to calm him.

It doesn’t help either that Chu Wanning makes a soft, keening sound into Mo Ran’s mouth. His ass feels pliant against Mo Ran, and Mo Ran is overcome with the urge to have him as thoroughly as possible. 

“I want to fuck you,” he groans into the kiss, rolling his hips forward. He’s fully hard, and Chu Wanning’s so pliant. Even if Mo Ran can just slide between his pressed thighs, he can die a happy man. 

Chu Wanning exhales and nods, just the briefest amount. Mo Ran would have missed it if he wasn’t so closely attuned to every one of Chu Wanning’s movements. It’s how he can feel, too, Chu Wanning starting to push back against him, giving him more friction.

Having Chu Wanning in his bed is a transcendent experience. Mo Ran works hard to keep himself rooted in the moment as he turns Chu Wanning over again to get a proper look at him. His heart pounds in his throat as he sinks into a haze of lust, kissing every inch of Chu Wanning that he can reach. Mo Ran trails his hand down to find Chu Wanning already hard and dripping, and his own blood runs hotter at the weight of it.

Chu Wanning in turn seems desperate to lose himself too. His initial touches lack finesse but he seems to be a quick learner, and in between admonishing Mo Ran for — for what, Mo Ran can’t tell, probably for licking his palm and giving Chu Wanning a torturous stroke — and biting back his own moans, Chu Wanning kisses back with equal fervour, lets his hands roam too.

He’s still shy; Chu Wanning only makes it to Mo Ran’s chest, fingers brushing over his piercings. The touch still ignites Mo Ran’s nerves, and his need to slide into Chu Wanning mounts. Mo Ran finally kicks off his own briefs before he slides his hands underneath Chu Wanning’s rear and yanks his lower half up, rolling their hips together. 

The skin-on-skin contact has them both moaning, and the corners of Chu Wanning’s eyes tearing up. Mo Ran has enough wherewithal to notice and kisses them away— Chu Wanning is even more inexperienced than he anticipated but instead of filling Mo Ran with dread, it simply excites him, much like everything else about the man.

“I’ll take care of you,” Mo Ran murmurs, nipping Chu Wanning’s earlobe before running his tongue over a freckle. Chu Wanning makes a high-pitched sound at that, one that fascinates Mo Ran and has Chu Wanning curling in from embarrassment. Mo Ran can feel Chu Wanning start to pant once he sucks gently on that area again, and wonders if there’s an off-chance that he’s dreaming.

Mo Ran manages to pull himself away long enough to rummage through his bedside drawer and get supplies. By the time he’s kneeling back on the bed, Chu Wanning’s sitting up, and Mo Ran easily crawls on top of him.

He’s tempted to ask Chu Wanning if he’s done this before, but Mo Ran knows that’s just asking to get smacked. Instead, he pushes Chu Wanning’s legs apart and kisses his hip bones in question. Chu Wanning’s face is flushed pink with desire and potentially embarrassment, but he doesn’t protest or kick Mo Ran away. He simply glares him down, as if his state was entirely Mo Ran’s fault.

Mo Ran’s willing to take the blame.

He slicks up his fingers and keeps an eye on Chu Wanning as he wraps his other hand around him. Chu Wanning’s breath stutters, and Mo Ran reaches in between his legs. Chu Wanning is tense, undoubtedly, but the more Mo Ran strokes him, the more Chu Wanning relaxes, and the easier it is to slide his fingers in, one at a time.

Chu Wanning bites his lower lip, holding back his moans. Mo Ran’s not a fan of it, but he’s not in a rush either. He knows he can be a very skilled lover, but he’ll lose that title if he doesn’t push Chu Wanning to a brink of pleasure. Sure enough, a specific twist of his fingers, an inquisitive touch here or there and a well-timed stroke upwards has Chu Wanning clapping a hand over his mouth as his entire body goes rigid.  

He doesn’t come though, not yet, and Mo Ran is incredibly intrigued. Perhaps Chu Wanning’s self control really is legendary; Mo Ran will have to test it. 

“You don’t have to worry about the neighbours,” Mo Ran coos, expertly pressing his fingers forward, and Chu Wanning shoots him a dirty look over his hand before his eyes scrunch shut. He muffles something into his palm and having enough, Mo Ran leans forward and wrenches Chu Wanning’s hand off, pinning it to the side of his head as he pushes his fingers in again.

“You—!” Chu Wanning gasps, and Mo Ran grins down at the impetuous sound in his voice.

“Me,” Mo Ran sing songs, and cuts off Chu Wanning’s glare by moving his fingers in a way that has the other man’s head lolling to the side. A sound finally escapes Chu Wanning’s throat, a low and needy one, and Mo Ran makes sure to coax more out. “I just want to make you feel good, Wanning.”

Chu Wanning looks at Mo Ran like he doesn’t quite believe him, and Mo Ran is stricken with the urge to prove himself. He swipes his tongue over Chu Wanning’s bottom lip before pecking his nose, leaving Chu Wanning with his lips parted and waiting.

“Are you feeling better yet?” Mo Ran asks and Chu Wanning clamps his mouth shut, cheeks going redder. “Let me cheer you up.”

“You’re talking too much,” Chu Wanning says, and Mo Ran thinks dryly that they’ve barely talked at all. Still, he takes the hint for what it is, and starts to pull out his fingers. 

As soon as he does so, Chu Wanning starts turning over onto his belly again, and Mo Ran immediately clamps his hand on his hip.

“Where are you going?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning at least has the audacity to grab Mo Ran’s wrist. He tries to pull him off, and Mo Ran’s brow pinches.

“I want to do it like that,” Chu Wanning says in a flat tone that allows no contest, and Mo Ran immediately lets him go. 

Chu Wanning huffs as he rolls onto his stomach, and Mo Ran sits back. Initially, he’s upset because he had wanted to see Chu Wanning’s face, but the view this way flips every one of his animal instincts. Mo Ran can feel himself burning with the need so he doesn’t protest too much; he simply hikes Chu Wanning’s hips up, before reaching for the bottle. 

He drips some over Chu Wanning, even though he’s already wet from Mo Ran’s fingers. Mo Ran slicks himself up; he’s on the edge enough that he needs to squeeze himself, not wanting to finish over Chu Wanning’s back before he gets a chance to feel heat around him. 

The first press has Mo Ran gritting his teeth and Chu Wanning letting out a sharp curse under his breath. Mo Ran has himself in one hand, and Chu Wanning’s hip in the other, digging bruises into the flesh there as he slowly and steadily eases himself in.

“Tell me—” Mo Ran says, barely able to make sense of his own words. “Fuck, tell me if it’s too much.”

Chu Wanning merely grunts in response, and Mo Ran takes that as encouragement. It feels like simultaneously ages and no time at all as he pushes in and eventually, bottoms out. The room is filled with the sound of both of them panting, and Mo Ran can already feel sweat beading at his temples. Chu Wanning’s form is still supine below him, and he can tell that the other man is working hard to get adjusted with how rapidly his shoulders rise and fall.

He’s so silent the entire time that Mo Ran feels worry, but when he tries to ask if he should stop, Chu Wanning just barks at him to keep going. Mo Ran spans a hand over Chu Wanning’s back as he grinds forward, trying to test if Chu Wanning is truly okay.

His body takes Mo Ran in beautifully, and his knuckles are white from how hard they grip the pillow. Mo Ran thinks for a moment— despite his reticence, Chu Wanning does like the physical intimacy when they’re in private. Whether it’s Mo Ran linking his small finger around Chu Wanning’s under a table or a hug that lasts longer than normal, Mo Ran isn’t blind to the way that the stoic man is secretly receptive to his  little touches.

So it makes no sense that they have all this space between them. 

Mo Ran leans in, but does not let his weight drop onto Chu Wanning’s body. Instead, he slides his hands underneath his torso, letting one drift down momentarily to check if Chu Wanning is  still interested in the proceedings. He seems to have flagged a little, as is expected, at least at this stage— but his interest isn’t completely gone and when Mo Ran strokes him, he feels Chu Wanning getting harder and letting out a soft whimper. 

They remain there for a few more moments, their breathing falling in sync as Mo Ran buries his face in Chu Wanning’s neck and lets the man surround his senses.  When he’s no longer at the threat of finishing embarrassingly early, Mo Ran starts to rise, bringing Chu Wanning up with him. 

Chu Wanning makes an undignified noise of surprise as Mo Ran wraps one arm around his shoulders, sitting back on his haunches while keeping Chu Wanning securely in his lap. Chu Wanning grasps at Mo Ran’s arm and Mo Ran brings his hand up to grip Chu Wanning’s jaw. His other arm slides around Chu Wanning’s lithe waist and pulls, bringing them so close together that Chu Wanning has to tilt his head back.

Mo Ran takes that opportunity to move Chu Wanning’s head and kiss him as he slowly withdraws, just by the smallest increment. Chu Wanning hisses at the sensation, and through his half-lidded eyes, Mo Ran can see the whites of Chu Wanning’s.

Good, he thinks. He wants Chu Wanning to forget how to think. Mo Ran slowly rolls his hips in, dragging another whine out of Chu Wanning. The sound of it is so sweet that the warmth touches Mo Ran to the core. He gets it again once he repeats the motion, and Chu Wanning whimpers into his mouth. 

Mo Ran pulls back just to give Chu Wanning a lopsided grin as he thrusts in again, the sound of them joining echoing in the room. Chu Wanning’s eyes are overbright and his face flushed, but his eyes drift to Mo Ran’s lips nonetheless. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but as Mo Ran starts to move in him, all Chu Wanning can manage is his name.

Chu Wanning feels really fucking good around Mo Ran. It’s a heady, hot sensation that Mo Ran has never felt before, not when bedding others, not in the deepest recesses of his fantasy.  The more Mo Ran thrusts, the more malleable Chu Wanning becomes in his arms, weak to what Mo Ran does to him.

Mo Ran’s hand drops from the vicinity of Chu Wanning’s jaw to wrap around his torso again and hold him close as he rolls his hips into Chu Wanning. It’s tempting to give it to him fast and hard — he has dreamed about it enough times and ashamedly, visualized it before they got together during his more frenetic one night stands — but Mo Ran wants to savour every bit of Chu Wanning that he gets. 

Occasionally, he’ll reach down to stroke Chu Wanning, pleased to find the man is so hard that it feels painful. Chu Wanning lets out a beautiful cry at that, shuddering around Mo Ran, coming close to the edge until Mo Ran lets him go. Mo Ran makes a point to snap his hips in extra deep at that point, making up for the frustration.

Mo Ran thinks he’s going to lose his mind. Fucking Chu Wanning feels so incredible, the little sound he makes as Mo Ran jolts them upwards so delectable, that Mo Ran doesn’t know how he can ever look back or look past. He wants to live in this moment forever, feeling Chu Wanning’s body give in to him. 

He draws back, and before he can thrust forward again, Chu Wanning is pushing back on Mo Ran. Mo Ran’s vision blurs for a moment, and he fucks forward hard, tearing a cry from Chu Wanning’s throat. He can’t believe that he’s able to hold Chu Wanning like this, and Mo Ran doesn’t want to let go.  Hell, even if they had done nothing more than continue to make out on the couch, Mo Ran wouldn’t have wanted to let go. 

“I can’t believe you think I didn’t want you,” Mo Ran says into Chu Wanning’s ear as he fucks him, their bodies practically melting into each other.  “When you’re all I think about.”

“Don’t—” Chu Wanning chokes out, a moan intercepting his words. Still, he manages to continue, “You don’t need to, Mo Ran.”

“Don’t need to what?” Mo Ran’s voice sounds broken; he’s so lost in Chu Wanning he can barely think of anything beyond the two of them in his bed. Every time he sinks into Chu Wanning’s body, he feels like he’s experienced something new and wonderful. This has to go beyond just a physical lust.

It’s why, when he starts to pick up the pace, the coiling sensation in his core tightening, Mo Ran blurts out a, “I really fucking like you, Chu Wanning.”

“Mo Ran, you— ah,” Chu Wanning hiccups, as if he’s on the verge of a sob. Mo Ran reaches down and wraps a hand around Chu Wanning, starting to stroke in earnest. “You don’t have to—”

Mo Ran re-angles himself and Chu Wanning cuts himself off with something that nears a scream. His body starts to slump, but Mo Ran knows he’s not done yet; he keeps his aim true and makes sure he hits that angle over and over again, till Chu Wanning is jelly in his arms. Whatever control Chu Wanning had over his own voice is clearly gone, and Mo Ran has never heard sweeter sounds made into the night.

Tears form in the corner of Chu Wanning’s eyes as he pants Mo Ran’s name, and Mo Ran knows that in this moment and every one that comes after this, there’s nothing he wants more than to see Chu Wanning happy. The thought of it spurs him on further and further, till Mo Ran finds himself flying off over the edge, Chu Wanning following close behind.

His hips stutter as he comes, and he feels the hand around Chu Wanning go messy as Chu Wanning’s mouth falls open in a silent scream.  Mo Ran bites into Chu Wanning’s shoulder as he rides them through the high, the tension of the past few months releasing between them. The orgasm has hit them both hard, and Mo Ran feels like he’s been absolutely winded. 

He feels warmth throughout his body. That’s the only way he can describe it. It feels like his heart has become a prism, refracting all his emotions into one single white light of sated pleasure and affection.  Mo Ran feels lucky — and with the post-orgasm clarity that slams into his brain, he realizes it is undeservedly so.

They remain there for a few second, panting as they come down from their crest, Chu Wanning practically melting into Mo Ran’s arms as his body goes boneless. Mo Ran aimlessly massages Chu Wanning’s hips and whispers sweet little praises against the nape of his neck as they catch their breath. Eventually, Chu Wanning makes a sound of oversensitive discomfort. 

“Hold on,” Mo Ran soothes as Chu Wanning makes another slightly pained noise. Gingerly, he starts to pull out of Chu Wanning, making sure to take care. As soon as he’s fully freed, Chu Wanning collapses within his arms, and Mo Ran carefully lays him down.

Despite the fact that both of them are sweaty and sticky, Mo Ran can’t quite bring himself to let go of Chu Wanning yet. He kisses him at the junction of his jaw and inhales, careful not to lay too much of his weight on top of Chu Wanning. Mo Ran is clinging, he realizes. But Chu Wanning’s tear streaked face is too alluring, even after they’ve both finished.

“You should shower,” Chu Wanning says, voice rough from all its use. Mo Ran pretends to wear a hurt expression, and Chu Wanning somehow has the energy to roll his eyes.

“Shower with me,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning glares in return.

Right. He’s probably not in any state to move in general.  Mo Ran can’t resist giving Chu Wanning one more kiss on his cheek. Chu Wanning’s arms are looped around him but are limp, and yeah— it would be too much to ask him to stand up right now. Mo Ran will have to bring him a washcloth and properly clean him up in bed, and Mo Ran finds the thought of that rather appealing.

Not as appealing as staying entangled with Chu Wanning though, so it is with great effort that Mo Ran manages to peel himself out of bed. 

But by the time he reaches his washroom and catches sight of himself in the mirror, arms and chest covered in fingerprints and scratches, hair plastered to his forehead and lips partly swollen, that clarity from before has caught up to him again. Mo Ran knows these marks will fade in a couple of days, but wishes that they would stay forever, proof that for a moment, everything was okay.

Because there is one thing hanging over his head: he hasn’t told Chu Wanning yet. But now, he’s taken him thoroughly to bed, done more than just give him a charged handjob in a car. Mo Ran has complicated things further than he should have; he should have really just stood his ground. He just likes Chu Wanning so fucking much, and he doesn’t know what he will do if Chu Wanning leaves him.

When, a bitter voice reminds him.

In abstract, Mo Ran had prepared for the possibility in the days leading up to it. It was all fine and well imagining Chu Wanning getting mad and storming off, but from the moment Mo Ran opened up the door to him today, he knew he wouldn’t actually be able to bear it.

Mo Ran shakes his head and quickly hops into the shower. His mind blanks out as the water sprays over him, but he doesn’t spend too long there, just enough to get himself clean. By the time he’s done, his brain feels numb, and guilt is churning within him.

He doesn’t know what to do. Mo Ran inhales shakily as he hitches a towel around his hips, and finds a tiny clean towel to wipe Chu Wanning up with. Is now the best time to tell Chu Wanning— especially after he has already had a terrible day?

It’s never the right time. Mo Ran knows this. And knows it’s entirely his fault. 

“Wanning…” Mo Ran calls out as he steps out of the washroom, and gets no response. Chu Wanning is curled up on his side, already having dozed off. Mo Ran pretends that relief doesn’t swoop through him as he sighs with a fond smile and walks quietly towards the bed. 

The conversation will have to wait; for now Mo Ran will clean Chu Wanning carefully, so that he’s not uncomfortable in the morning. He will stop and stare here and there a few times, and he’ll brush a soft kiss over the shell of Chu Wanning’s ear before dumping the towel on his bedside table and sliding in between the sheets himself, the messy bed cover long thrown to the ground. Mo Ran will curl around Chu Wanning and bite back the urge to tell him that he likes him one more time like a besotted fool because after all, Chu Wanning isn’t awake to hear. Mo Ran will think it though, repeatedly, over and over as he falls asleep. 

And in the morning, Mo Ran will wake up to an empty bed.

Chapter Text

There is no man more pathetic than Chu Wanning.

That is what he tells himself as he stares out of the window in the backseat of the car he called from Mo Ran’s apartment, watching as the first inkling of dawn rolls through the city.

It had been a great effort to leave the warmth of Mo Ran’s bed, especially when the man drew him into his arms after he cleaned both of them up. It did a good enough illusion of making Chu Wanning appear wanted. The touch had been deceitfully gentle, enough so that Chu Wanning had to work himself up to slipping out of bed. Even though he knew. 

Xue Meng’s revelation had shocked him, and it had not. 

Chu Wanning had gone home after work and went straight to the closet where Mo Ran had forgotten his jacket. Chu Wanning had intended to give it back during their dinner that night. With shaking hands, he had dug in the pockets and pulled out both pieces of the napkin he had seen the other night. There, he could make out the sum total of what it had taken to convince someone to pretend they liked him. 

All of Chu Wanning’s underlying worry that Mo Ran had wanted something else out of him had come true. Looking at the payments promised to Mo Ran made Chu Wanning’s fingers numb. Each moment he had imprinted into his memory, each touch, was listed out as a transaction. It had served a crushing blow, shattering whatever warm, rosy glaze had formed over Chu Wanning’s life in the past couple of months.

Chu Wanning appears cold. He knows this. Only those that are aggressive, entitled, or overwhelmingly coquettish approach him and even then, they offer him things he simply has no interest in. But he does not hate romance, nor does he hate love. He does not resent the existence of them either. He has seen his colleagues and the few friends he has paired off with people who want to share a life with them, and has even entertained the thought that one day it may even be him. As the years dragged by and the opportunity never arose, those hopes had become dormant. Only recently had they re-emerged.

How foolish he was. To think that he would like someone and that it would be reciprocated.

How foolish he is. To still care about that man. Chu Wanning is not mannerless enough to rest his head against the window of the car, but he itches for the feel of cool glass against his forehead.

There is no chance that a man as charming, attractive, and socially adept as Mo Ran will ever be genuinely attracted to Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning was stupid enough to forget it for a moment, and let his childish excitement and infatuation cloud his judgement and his gut feeling. Chu Wanning can only blame himself for acting like an idiot.

And he’s not even angry at Mo Ran. Chu Wanning wants to be. He wants to have enough self-respect to want to tear the other man’s head off in revenge, but he can barely bring himself to see past the loathing he feels towards himself. Mo Ran has so many reasons to hate Chu Wanning and not many to like him— this has been known for years. Chu Wanning is the stupid one for forgetting that so easily. 

Perhaps Mo Ran had done this in revenge for how regularly they clashed and how often Chu Wanning had berated him in public, in their workplace. Chu Wanning certainly didn’t make life easy for Mo Ran in the past. Mo Ran even avoided him for half a year. Why did he think Mo Ran would have a sudden change of heart? It’s not like Chu Wanning had decided to have an earnest talk with him to clear up years worth of misunderstandings.

And even if they did, Chu Wanning knows deep within that nothing could ever truly justify how harsh he had been on Mo Ran in their early years.

His phone buzzes as he reaches his apartment and he steps out of the car. A little bit of hope swoops up within Chu Wanning, till he sees it’s simply a text reminding him of one of his bills coming due. His body aches as he makes his way up the stairs, each step a penance. He’s bruised and marked up and claimed, but Chu Wanning feels entirely detached from it. It had like he had been living someone else’s life for a couple of hours. Someone who was actually wanted.

Chu Wanning still doesn’t know what compelled him to go to Mo Ran’s. He should have stayed home. He should have fought Mo Ran. That pride and honour should have reared its head and he should have used some of those acidic words that had come so easily to him before. Yet the moment Mo Ran kissed him in greeting, Chu Wanning’s brain had quite quickly shut down.

Perhaps it was because Chu Wanning wanted to give Mo Ran some mercy, and end the bet there. Chu Wanning could have played stupid but he’s not such a sorry person that he would prolong a game like this, just to pretend he had someone that cared for him. Mo Ran probably took his time taking Chu Wanning to bed because he had to build himself up to it. If Mo Ran had to get paid to touch Chu Wanning, Chu Wanning doesn’t imagine there being any genuine desire on the other man’s side. 

No matter how intense Mo Ran had been. Mo Ran had held Chu Wanning so tightly that Chu Wanning thought they would melt into each other. His touch had been scalding, and he never let Chu Wanning get away too far. But that isn’t desire, nor is it honest lust. It is simply Mo Ran having a skill he’s bragged about many times when he thought his superiors were out of earshot, and it’s the two of them having a human reaction. 

And this entire time, Chu Wanning had just thought Mo Ran was being polite and accommodating towards Chu Wanning’s reticent nature. He was probably working through the age-old repulsion he felt whenever he saw Chu Wanning. The thought of it sits bitterly on Chu Wanning’s tongue, and he wonders if that’s the same taste Mo Ran felt while bedding him. 

If it was, Mo Ran had done a great job at hiding it. 

Mo Ran had put on a good show the entire time they were “dating”. So much so that it had convinced Chu Wanning that Mo Ran had been actually interested in him, despite knowing all of his ugly sides. Perhaps it had been the desire to cling on to that feeling of being wanted, of being liked, that had Chu Wanning stepping past the threshold of Mo Ran’s home.

He hasn’t even returned the jacket. It’s been thrown to the back of his closet, swallowed up by the debris and the clutter. 

Chu Wanning unlocks the door to his own apartment, not bothering to turn on the lights. He makes a beeline towards his sofa, and kicks off the blankets he left bundled on there from some nights ago. Without much care, he flops down onto the cushions in a graceless form. He should shower, he knows this, even though Mo Ran did a good job of cleaning Chu Wanning while he was pretending to sleep. But because Chu Wanning is a weak man, he remains on his sofa instead.

It did not feel like Mo Ran was pretending when he touched Chu Wanning. Even when Chu Wanning egged him, Mo Ran did not slip up. It did not feel like he was pretending when he undressed Chu Wanning with urgency, nor when he put his mouth all over Chu Wanning’s body and then proceeded to take him till Chu Wanning felt utterly devoured. It felt instead like Chu Wanning was coveted, and it tore at him that it was a lie. It tore at him that it had felt so good.

Amongst all of that, Mo Ran had told Chu Wanning he liked him. That part stings the most. It hurts immeasurably to hear the words you’ve craved for so long from the person you’ve craved for so long, and know that it’s insincere. 

Chu Wanning wonders if it was a means to an end, if Mo Ran would get a bonus prize if Chu Wanning confessed back. Chu Wanning almost had; despite his knowledge that this is all a farce on Mo Ran’s end, Chu Wanning’s heart is unfortunately and unwaveringly true. 

The words make him spiral a little, and Chu Wanning wonders who Mo Ran was imagining in his place. A foolish part of Chu Wanning wishes that it had been real. But if it was, Mo Ran would have come clean about the bet earlier. Sourly, Chu Wanning realizes that if he had more experience, he may have been able to spot the signs earlier.

Chu Wanning didn’t want to stay and confront Mo Ran, so he had laid painfully awake till he was sure Mo Ran was asleep, and then some. How would he do it anyways? Shove the napkin in his face? Tell him he knows? And where would they go from there? Chu Wanning knows his temper matches his other emotions step for step, even if he can’t help it. He may just insult Mo Ran so deeply that they would devolve into one of their old shouting matches. And Chu Wanning doesn’t think he has the capacity for a fight like that. 

He doesn’t want to be there either for when Mo Ran inevitably breaks up with him, pretending things didn’t work out when in actuality, the course of the bet would be completed and Mo Ran would not need to bother with him anymore. Chu Wanning may be of a higher position than him within the company, but he can’t imagine any other part of his life where he surpasses Mo Ran. Everywhere else —looks, charms, personality, appeal— Mo Ran is by far out of his league.

Chu Wanning rolls over onto his side and stares at the fabric of his couch till the texture of the cloth starts to blur, along with his thoughts. This shouldn’t be new to him. He’s handled Mo Ran hating him for so long; he has no place to be surprised. If Mo Ran goes back to hating him or viewing him with indifference, it would be business as usual. 

Except now, Chu Wanning knows what it feels like when those strong and sure hands knead across his thighs, how those lips feel when they claim him in an expert kiss, how it feels like to be utterly consumed by that man no matter how superficial it is. 

His eyes sting and he feels his throat start to constrict as he thinks about the warmth of Mo Ran settling in beside him, or the tender way he cleaned him up, probably out of manners more than anything. Chu Wanning’s chest feels tight and no matter how hard he tries to hold back, he can’t help but heave. 

Part of him wonders how long the charade would go on if he just pretends nothing happened. Maybe Mo Ran will get more money and Chu Wanning can remain in some happiness, as false as it would be. Just the fact that he’s thought of that though—

There truly is no man as stupid as him.

Mo Ran stares at the screen of his phone as, for the fifth consecutive time, his call to Chu Wanning goes unanswered.  The first time he called, he thought nothing of it. Chu Wanning must have just slipped away, having forgotten that he had something important in the morning and probably did not want to wake Mo Ran up. Mo Ran had gotten out of bed then, and devoured a huge breakfast as he first called, then texted Chu Wanning to ask him where he was. The second time he called had gone unanswered, as had the text he sent, and the third and fourth call.

It’s late in the evening now, and Mo Ran has spent a day exhausting restless energy through chores and errands and working out. Chu Wanning still hasn’t responded to him. Worry has started to gnaw at him, so after this failed call, he decides to leave a voicemail.

“Hey,” he says as soon as the beep finishes. “It’s me. You, uh— you left quickly this morning so I just wanted to make sure you got home safe and that you’re alright. Text me at least. Bye, Wanning.”

It feels bereft to not have Chu Wanning around, not after the most transcendent experience Mo Ran’s had in his life. The more the fresh memory settles in, the more Mo Ran realizes he cannot picture someone else in his arms. They would pale in comparison. Even going to dinner, strolling down a quiet street late at night, idly wondering how the other person’s day is going— now that Mo Ran’s experienced these types of things with Chu Wanning, he doesn’t see himself wanting to do this with anyone else. 

But what he wants and what he’ll get can be two very separate things. 

Mo Ran wonders if Chu Wanning is ignoring him. Maybe Mo Ran shouldn’t have caved in and had sex with him so readily. But he had felt so much love in that moment for Chu Wanning, that he didn’t want to do anything but whatever Chu Wanning had been silently asking of him. That feeling has lingered, and has started to twist itself the longer Mo Ran goes ignored. 

It’s not exactly the rosy glow he expected after sleeping with Chu Wanning for the first time. Of course the experience itself was searingly hot. Mo Ran can’t see it ever being bested by anything other than getting Chu Wanning in his bed again. There’s nothing about Chu Wanning that doesn’t drive Mo Ran up the wall. He wants him in every sense of the way, whether it is that lithe body within his arms again, or simply just a phone call. Perhaps he had done something wrong in bed, or pushed too much, but Chu Wanning would have surely voiced an objection if that was the case. 

Mo Ran is not someone who usually keeps an unblinking eye on his messages. Normally he’s on the other side, sheepishly apologizing for forgetting to reply all day. Mo Ran wonders if he should stop by Chu Wanning’s apartment to check in on him, and then wonders if it’s too much. He paces in his living room and then finally changes the sheets, throwing the dirty ones into the laundry hamper. 

The text comes just as Mo Ran is forcing himself to clean out his kitchen for the second time instead of spacing out in front of the television and wondering how bad it would be to actually show up to Chu Wanning’s place. He sees Chu Wanning’s name and quickly scrambles to open it, feeling relief immediately flood him. The message is brief and to the point, very in character for Chu Wanning. 

Yes, I am alright. 

Mo Ran stares at the message for a minute, waiting for Chu Wanning to either elaborate or give him a call. Neither come. He tries not to get disheartened by it and reasons that Chu Wanning simply must be a busy man. It’s not like he was normally prone to being chatty. Most of the things Chu Wanning says is in response to things that Mo Ran says anyways.

So he tries to push any negative feelings from his mind and resolves to just catch Chu Wanning at the elevators at work the next day.

Except he can’t. Mo Ran can’t find hide nor hair of Chu Wanning the next day; he texts him good morning like he normally does, and gets no reply. He doesn’t see Chu Wanning at the elevators, nor does he sense his presence in the halls. During his lunch, Mo Ran calls Chu Wanning’s phone, and it goes straight to voicemail. It makes Mo Ran concerned, so he turns on his heel and leaves the popular fried chicken shop he had been waiting in line for and heads straight to Chu Wanning’s office. 

There, Chu Wanning’s secretary politely albeit a little nervously tells Mo Ran that Chu Wanning has taken the day off. Mo Ran blinks. He asks if they’ve heard from him and they pull a funny face before telling him that Chu Wanning had dropped in for a morning board meeting before leaving for the day. 

It should not bother Mo Ran. It is not as if they are attached at the hip. Chu Wanning doesn’t owe Mo Ran details on every single one of his movements. 

And yet. 

What should be happening in Mo Ran’s head  and what is happening are two entirely separate things. Chu Wanning had been a little agitated when he had shown up at Mo Ran’s front door, but had never told Mo Ran what he was mad about. He had slept with Mo Ran though, his body giving way beautifully for Mo Ran’s in a way that made Mo Ran’s head spin. 

For a fleeting moment, Mo Ran wonders if Chu Wanning is simply hiding because he’s bashful and shy about what happened between them. The image itself is so ludicrous, even given Chu Wanning’s reticent nature, but Mo Ran secretly prays that that is what is happening. 

It would be simple. Easy. Solved by Mo Ran chasing Chu Wanning down and scooping him up one more time. The idea blatantly ignores the fact that Mo Ran built up a comfortable rapport with Chu Wanning and that Chu Wanning, at the very least, would have at least replied to his texts to admonish Mo Ran. 

But it is never that easy. 

He tries though, to remain optimistic. As much as he can anyways when the next day, it becomes clear Chu Wanning is avoiding him. Mo Ran sees him online in the intracompany chat, and the hello Director Chu that Mo Ran sends gets marked as read with no reply. As much as he tries, Mo Ran does not see a wisp of that man around the building. Ironically, he would have loved this effortless avoidance a few months ago. 

Or so he thinks. Being ignored has led Mo Ran to not only combing over every interaction they’ve had recently, trying to figure out what happened, but it’s had him looking through their past as well. There is still a lot of roiling emotion there but with certain revelations, he keeps seeing the history between them in a new light.  The only problem is, they’re still only partial revelations. And he has no idea how to ask for the full truth. It gets pushed to the back of his mind, the need to contact Chu Wanning more immediate. 

Mo Ran even makes the rash decision of calling Chu Wanning’s office, but he’s fielded by the secretary and made to leave a message that he half heartedly bullshits. Mo Ran doesn’t text him too much, not wanting to appear desperate but midway through the third day of being ignored, he kind of is. 

Dread begins to creep into Mo Ran’s gut. He’s so used to talking to Chu Wanning regularly now that he feels strange when he’s not. In retrospect, the way Chu Wanning had been behaving when he came in had been a little odd as well. Mo Ran has been overtaken by the need to simply make things better for the man at the time, but looking back, he’s not so sure if Chu Wanning was simply coming off a bad work day. 

For a brief moment, he wonders if Chu Wanning has found out. But Mo Ran got verbally reprimanded as incompetent in front of the vice-president of the company’s accounting department because he deigned to be a minute late to a meeting on a day there had been delays in the subway. He doesn’t doubt that had Chu Wanning found out about the bet, he would have not hesitated to give Mo Ran a piece of his mind, throttle him, or not show up at all to his place to begin with. 

There are two other possibilities though, and neither are ones that Mo Ran thinks he likes. 

The first is that Chu Wanning didn’t like what they did. Maybe Mo Ran hadn’t touched him in the way that he really wanted, maybe the sweet cries were just exaggerated in Mo Ran’s head. Maybe Mo Ran hadn’t taken care of Chu Wanning properly, and Chu Wanning had realized that perhaps this was not working for him. 

The second is that Chu Wanning regrets it. That he came to his senses and remembered that the man he’s just slept with is a man he didn’t see fit to work alongside with for many years. No matter how much charm Mo Ran laid on him, perhaps the sex is what made it too real for Chu Wanning. The sex or, alternatively, Mo Ran confessing to Chu Wanning that he liked him. 

Either option would spell a rejection for Mo Ran. And that is something that is too harsh and too jagged to swallow. He knows these are just hypotheticals, and the more he dwells on them without actually talking with Chu Wanning, the more it will build up into bitterness. So he tries not to let it bother him and restrains any resentment that tries to sprout up, even if it’s only there as a defence mechanism. 

As a last ditch effort, Mo Ran texts Chu Wanning and asks him if he did something wrong and asks him for the chance to apologize if he did. As usual, he gets no response, and Mo Ran tries to not let it bother him during the course of his work. 

He’s not been rejected a lot but the few times he has, Mo Ran has gotten over them in a flash, and has always soothed his ego with someone new. It’s not the case this time— nothing about Chu Wanning is easy to get over, nothing about Chu Wanning can easily be blotted out by a one night stand. Mo Ran realizes that even when Chu Wanning was his enemy, even when he was avoiding him at every turn, it didn’t stop the fact that Chu Wanning was always there on his mind. 

The truth hasn’t changed. Mo Ran really likes Chu Wanning. He feels for him more than he’s ever felt for anyone else. He was made to put aside his previous grudge for the sake of a bet but he doesn’t want it back. Mo Ran doesn’t know the inroads of Chu Wanning’s mind but he had assumed that he had felt something similar. Up until now, Mo Ran had hoped it would even be reciprocated. Enough for them to put the bet behind them. 

The thought of it frustrates him further along with his work, which keeps him back late at the office again. Mo Ran has to foist off the task of picking Xue Meng up from the airport onto Mei Hanxue, the latter who still reeks of amused pity every time he talks to Mo Ran. It doesn’t help either, that Mo Ran is perpetually distracted. Each buzz of his personal phone has him jumping and each time he checks, the answer is disappointing.

By the time he’s done, it’s almost eleven and his stomach is grumbling loudly. Trying not to wallow in too much misery, Mo Ran decides to pack up and head out before his thoughts swallow him whole. He waves goodbye to the janitor and forgets to press the floor before the elevator doors close, but Mo Ran manages to make it out of the building and walks aimlessly down the street, looking for a restaurant.

He finds one with a familiar name and before he registers what he’s doing, Mo Ran drifts towards it, the tiny building sandwiched between an electronics repair shop and a bar. It’s fairly empty, given that it’s this late on a weeknight, save for one person. One rather familiar person.

“Shi Mei?” Mo Ran calls out, and the person turns around. Shi Mei gives him a faint smile and nods as Mo Ran raises a hand in greeting.

It’s a little cooler reception than he anticipated, but Mo Ran figures that both Shi Mei and Xue Meng are upset about him defiling their beloved mentor. It’s understandable, but Mo Ran also finds him bitterly thinking that they too could have cleared up any sort of misunderstanding Mo Ran had about Chu Wanning. After all, they listened to him complain enough.

“How are you doing?” Shi Mei asks as Mo Ran approaches, and Mo Ran forces an easy smile.

“I’m coming home from Sisheng at this hour. What do you think?” Mo Ran says, and Shi Mei gives a soft laugh. “How about you?”

“Too lazy to cook,” Shi Mei replies, stepping to the side so that Mo Ran can scan the menu. It’s one that he’s vaguely familiar with. Chu Wanning had brought him food from here and years ago, Shi Mei had as well. 

“Still your favourite spot, huh?” Mo Ran says, debating if the beef curry would be worth it tonight. Shi Mei makes an ambivalent noise as the cashier calls out his order. 

“Reminds me of the old days,” Shi Mei says, and Mo Ran lets out an amused huff. He ends up deciding on the curry after all and places his own order, and Shi Mei looks like he’s about to leave for a moment. But when Mo Ran takes a seat at one of the smaller tables at the front, Shi Mei ends up sitting down with him.

It’s clear that Shi Mei wants to ask him something. The last time Mo Ran saw him was that night at the bar. He’s been studiously avoiding all parties involved that night since then. Shi Mei, however, is not like Xue Meng, and doesn’t immediately say what’s on his mind. Instead, he asks Mo Ran idle questions about his day, about work, and in turn, Mo Ran asks him how the job hunt is going.

“I might come back to Sisheng,” Shi Mei says, scratching the side of his head. Mo Ran is still too distracted to muster genuine enthusiasm, but he gives an amicable smile either ways. His mind is a long ways away, still pondering where the hell Chu Wanning went. “Nothing’s set in stone yet.”

“I thought Guyueye gave you prestige,” Mo Ran points out, and Shi Mei gives a dry smile.

“And Sisheng is a prestigious place to work at,” he replies. “Especially over the past few years.”

Mo Ran opens his mouth, but Shi Mei cuts him off before he can start. “I don’t regret my time at Guyueye. And I’m still interviewing at other places, till I can narrow down my options. But Sisheng is very welcoming.”

“Mn,” Mo Ran makes a sound of agreement. Shi Mei is watching him carefully. Mo Ran can tell. “Well, it’ll be nice to have all three of us under one roof again. Even if we’re in different departments, I’m sure we can find a way to terrorize people again.”

Shi Mei gives a polite laugh at that, and Mo Ran wonders if it’s too late to order a drink. Not for want of one; there’s simply a creeping awkwardness between the two of them. Mo Ran smiles in return and watches as Shi Mei purses his lips for a moment, as if in thought.

Sure enough, the next words out of Shi Mei’s mouth are, “I talked to Chu-laoshi about it recently too.”

“Ah,” Mo Ran does his best to remain unaffected. “Did you?”

“He finally met me for lunch today,” Shi Mei nods, and Mo Ran can tell that Shi Mei is carefully studying his reaction. Mo Ran puts his skill at appearing easy and nonchalant to use, and raises an eyebrow. “He said I would have no trouble coming back.”

Mo Ran simply hums, glancing towards the counter. The cook and the cashier are chatting about something as the cook moves around, and Mo Ran’s food still isn’t done. His chest feels heavy. 

“He’s correct,” Mo Ran says, and he itches to ask Shi Mei what else they talked about. He restrains himself— but apparently not well enough, because Shi Mei mirrors his expression and raises a thin eyebrow of his own.

“We didn’t talk about you,” Shi Mei says, and Mo Ran’s fingers curl lightly on top of the linoleum table. “I thought it’d be inappropriate to get that personal.”

Mo Ran cannot even be glad about that; knowing that Chu Wanning made time for Shi Mei but not time for Mo Ran has the taste in his mouth turning to curdled milk. Mo Ran still had fragments of denial before, but now, it is crystal clear that Chu Wanning is avoiding him. He made time for Shi Mei. The thought rings in his head like a pathetic bell. 

“Plus, I don’t know how things are after…” Shi Mei gestures vaguely in Mo Ran’s direction, and for a moment, something about the other man’s face saps any good will Mo Ran had left out of him. Shi Mei has always had a knowing look behind the kind face, but now it feels rather invasive, no matter how friendly they’ve been before. “But it’s not my place.”

“...Yes,” Mo Ran replies tightly, as Shi Mei’s face remains carefully impassive. “You’re right. It’s not.”

Xue Meng must have told Shi Mei that Mo Ran had confessed the truth to Chu Wanning. Mo Ran gets a nauseous feeling in his stomach, but Shi Mei had said that they didn’t talk about Mo Ran. Plus, it sounds like this is the first time Shi Mei has seen Chu Wanning since he’s back. And if this occurred today, then if Shi Mei had said something, it wouldn’t change the fact that Chu Wanning has been avoiding him from before.

When Mo Ran reaches this conclusion, he somewhat feels normal again. He exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and allows a brief lull of silence to fall over them. Mo Ran looks towards the counter once more and the cashier, having sensed his impatience, assures him it’s only going to be another five minutes.

“Better be worth it,” Mo Ran says under his breath and Shi Mei gives a short laugh.

“You always liked the food here,” Shi Mei says idly. “Both you and Xue Meng.”

“It’s not too bad,” Mo Ran shrugs then decides to try and lighten the mood. “You brought it for me enough times in the past that I couldn’t not like it. You were practically a spokesperson.”

“I was just playing delivery boy,” Shi Mei laughs. “This place wasn’t my pick, but Chu-laoshi insisted the food was good.”

“Senior Chu recommended this place?” Mo Ran asks, and Shi Mei shrugs.

“It’s close to where he lives,” Shi Mei shrugs. “And close enough to work. That’s the only two categories he needs filled for a place to be good.”

“Fair,” Mo Ran says, and inadvertently a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips, at the mention of this small character trait of Chu Wanning’s. But something that Shi Mei said nicks at his brain, and he narrows his eyes. “When you say you were playing delivery boy…”

Shi Mei blinks, momentarily bemused that Mo Ran doesn’t know. It irritates Mo Ran, given that it’s clear by now that he was the only one that’s been kept in the dark for so long. Shi Mei gives him a sheepish look.

“Chu-laoshi would feel bad if he was too hard on us,” Shi Mei says. “You specifically. My old apartment was near here, so he’d always send me money and ask me to bring you food when I could.”

It’s not a shocking revelation. It still makes Mo Ran throat tighten. Something inexplicable rises within him, and compounds with the bereft feeling he’s had since Chu Wanning left his bed and never came back. 

Mo Ran doesn’t feel sorry for himself particularly. He knows how he is as a person, and he doesn’t think he’s deserving of any of that. Even when he had spent so much time angry at Chu Wanning, even over the years, Mo Ran had never thought himself worthy of an actual apology. 

There is something to be said though, about so much being concealed from him. Now that he knows how Chu Wanning is as a person, it is clear that it wasn’t hidden to pull the wool over Mo Ran’s eyes, but simply because of Chu Wanning’s reserved nature, and his lack of desire when it comes to getting credit for good deeds. Mo Ran has seen it in action a few times since they got together. 

He just never knew it had ever been turned towards him. God knows that Chu Wanning would have never admitted it.

Still. Others had. 

“It seems that everyone knew Chu Wanning was good but me,” Mo Ran says, corrosive amusement in his words. “And no one bothered to tell me.”

“Well…” Shi Mei says awkwardly. “I thought you’d have found out while dating him.”

Mo Ran doesn’t bother pointing out that there were years before where he or Xue Meng could have talked Mo Ran down. Or maybe they did try, and Mo Ran had been too hot-headed at the time to listen. Though, Mo Ran would have remembered that too if it had happened. He would have remembered it as a betrayal, given how harsh Chu Wanning had been with him. But perhaps, if he knew, Mo Ran wouldn’t have had as much anger festering within him. 

He sighs and decides not to continue the topic. There’s no point. It’ll just work himself up further and anyways, the cashier is calling out his name as she holds up a plastic bag. Mo Ran is grateful for the reprieve from the conversation.

“Hopefully I’ll see you around Sisheng,” Mo Ran says blandly as he opens the door for Shi Mei. The two of them step out onto the street, and the cool night air feels like a blessing.

“Which way are you heading?” Shi Mei asks, and Mo Ran tips his head towards the subway station. Technically, his car is still parked in the underground employee parkade at Sisheng, but he has to drive an important client back after a meeting tomorrow, and there’s only so many times he’s willing to face the morning rush hour. 

Mo Ran wants to be by himself, but it’s not like he can shake Shi Mei off. So they start to walk towards the station, Shi Mei idly talking about another company that he interviewed at. Mo Ran is half listening and half thinking once more about Chu Wanning. Perhaps more than half, because he barely registers a word that Shi Mei says. Mo Ran is so engrossed in his thoughts that when he catches a glimpse of someone a few feet down the street, he thinks it’s a figment of his imagination.

Mo Ran stops in his tracks. So does Chu Wanning, his eyes going wide as their gazes lock. Shi Mei notices a fraction of a second too late, and has only begun to say Mo Ran’s name when Mo Ran abruptly starts marching towards Chu Wanning.

“Wanning!” Mo Ran calls out, loud enough to have a few people turn around. The sound startles Chu Wanning into moving, and he turns sharply on his heel.

Mo Ran won’t run. He’s sober. It’s improper. But he’s really fucking tempted as he sees Chu Wanning walk faster than some people jog, trying to get away from Mo Ran.

“Wanning,” Mo Ran cups his hands and calls out Chu Wanning’s name. His heart is thumping at the sight of the man. It’s only been a few days, but it aches hard as he sees Chu Wanning quite clearly try to get away from him. “CHU WANNING!”

Even the bellow doesn’t work.

It makes Chu Wanning’s avoidance tangible, makes it concrete. Mo Ran knows he can no longer use a flimsy excuse of Chu Wanning being stressed or overwhelmed to keep his own mind somewhat on its hinges as he gets ignored. Mo Ran yells his name, and someone bumps into him, causing him to curse.

The person makes a rude gesture towards him and when Mo Ran looks up, Chu Wanning has disappeared. Forgetting properiety, he breaks out into a light jog, ignoring the way Shi Mei calls out to him again. But Chu Wanning is truly gone. Not down an alleyway, not in a shop, not even crossing the street to run away. He’s just disappeared into the night.

Frantic, Mo Ran whips out his phone and calls Chu Wanning. The first time rings for a long time before heading to voicemail. The second one tells him the caller is no longer available.

Either Chu Wanning has turned off his phone, or Mo Ran has been blocked. Frantically, he texts Chu Wanning a senseless come back, and instantly, red exclamation marks appear beside the message and he gets told the receiver has rejected the message. 

Mo Ran’s hand falls to his side as Shi Mei catches up to him, an extremely sorry look on his face. The chassis of his heart has started to crack, and Mo Ran doesn’t think he can be in denial any longer.

Chu Wanning doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. That much is clear. The reason less so. Perhaps that is why he was so strange when he came over to Mo Ran’s place. Maybe he had already made his mind up for another reason.

And whatever it is, it would have been Mo Ran’s fault. Chu Wanning won’t tell him what it is, of course, but what would it matter? He wouldn’t be obligated to do so and ultimately, it would not change the fact that it would be Mo Ran’s fault. If Chu Wanning is truly mad at him, it also means that they risk quickly spinning back to where they were at the beginning— square one. 

An old, dormant anger starts to wake up within Mo Ran at the mere thought of it. And this time, all of it turns inward. 

There is a practical part of Chu Wanning that knows sooner or later, he will run into Mo Ran. But he tries his best to prolong that inevitability as much as possible. If Mo Ran could avoid him for so long, Chu Wanning can do the same. The only thing is, despite Chu Wanning’s resolve to stay out of Mo Ran’s view till they’re both nothing but faded memories for each other, he still finds himself subconsciously straining to catch a glimpse of a familiar broad frame in the distance, footsteps around the hall, a rich low voice that, against his better judgment, he finds himself missing.

He’s unfortunately too trained; being infatuated with Mo Ran even when the other man hated him (still hates him, his mind viciously corrects) makes it harder for him to get rid of any feelings that he has right now. But Chu Wanning is trying his best to force himself out of sight. He’s even contemplated asking Xue Zhengyong to allow him to work from his home for the next few months, but his role does not make it easy.

Chu Wanning itches when he’s the office, feeling like too many eyes are upon him. Too many people know he got played for a fool, too many people know how gullible he is. Xue Meng knows, that man from Kunlun Taxue knows, and the measured way that Shi Mei looked at him a few afternoons ago gave Chu Wanning an inkling that he knows as well. They did not even breathe a word about Mo Ran, but Chu Wanning doesn’t doubt that since Shi Mei’s return, him and Mo Ran have gotten close again. It was proved further when he went to go get dinner, and ran into Mo Ran instead. 

Seeing him out with Shi Mei felt like a nasty coincidence— seeing Mo Ran with someone he wanted to hang out with willingly felt like a cruel joke. Chu Wanning ran away on instinct, resisting the urge to follow the sound of Mo Ran calling his name. He blocked his number too, hastily unblocking it the day after.

Chu Wanning doesn’t know where to go from here. He wants to tell Mo Ran that he knows, and that he didn’t see anything past sleeping together for Mo Ran on the napkin, so Mo Ran didn’t have to play the role of being a concerned partner anymore. He doesn’t have to go through the effort of breaking up with Chu Wanning if nothing genuine was there to begin with.

What Chu Wanning does know is that he’s going to try to avoid Mo Ran for as humanly as possible. It’s worked so far. It’s been a week since Chu Wanning’s seen Mo Ran. Mo Ran is still trying to reach out to him, but Chu Wanning forces himself to ignore it. He has no idea what to say to Mo Ran, and is scared that the first words out of his mouth will be overly cruel as a defence mechanism. 

He didn’t realize either, what a difference it made to have someone in his life to talk to, until now. It’s not been snatched from him as much as it has been proven to be a mere illusion, and it hurts. 

But Chu Wanning misses it. He can’t help it. He misses the easy conversation, he misses how tactile Mo Ran was whenever they went out, he misses the dry humour the two of them shared in the lighter moments, he misses how patiently Mo Ran kissed him. However, it wasn’t genuine. None of it was, no matter how much Chu Wanning’s heart aches for it to have  been.

It all eventually must come to a head. Chu Wanning cannot ignore Mo Ran forever. Their circles run too close, and the universe isn’t as kind to Chu Wanning.

There is an all-hands-on-deck meeting called one afternoon. There is no immediate crisis, but a huge potential opportunity for Sisheng. The senior managers are called to this meeting too, which is how Chu Wanning ends up sitting in the front row of chairs as Xue Zhengyong gives a robust presentation, acutely aware of Mo Ran’s presence three rows behind him.

They had caught each other’s eye when Chu Wanning had filed in with a few of the other directors; Mo Ran’s gaze had been hard to miss, even in the dim light of the conference room. Both of them wore a carefully measured look of cool impassivity, but Chu Wanning felt his heart thud hard enough to rattle his bones. 

Xue Meng is in the room too, completely oblivious to everything, sitting a few seats down from Chu Wanning’s left. He’s a stark reminder to Chu Wanning of how many people know. The thought of it makes Chu Wanning’s collar feel too tight for him. He wonders how much Mo Ran had told them; he must have had to give some detail to collect on his bet. Perhaps he had made fun of Chu Wanning too, for his clear lack of experience and clumsiness.

Chu Wanning is physically incapable of shedding a tear in the workplace, but it simply means he saves it for later. Still, he feels the ache in his sinuses and his forehead, just above his eyebrows, the type that follows any sort of crying.

He wills it away —he cannot afford to be any more pathetic than he already is— and turns his focus back on the meeting. Thankfully, he’s rather good at multitasking, and rather good at setting his emotions aside when he needs to pay attention.

...Or perhaps not good enough. 

Chu Wanning still can’t stop thinking about how maybe this would have never happened if he hadn’t been so fickle in the past, if he hadn’t taken out on Mo Ran something that was never his fault to begin with. Had Chu Wanning treated Mo Ran with more compassion, Mo Ran wouldn’t have hated him so much.

Had he done so, a dark voice reminds him, Chu Wanning would have never gotten to know Mo Ran’s touch the way he has. He probably wouldn’t have ever known what it would have been like to get Mo Ran’ attention focused on him either. Outside of his cold demeanour, Chu Wanning knows he has nothing else going for him. 

Ah. His heart has tangled itself into a sharp knot in the middle of this meeting, and there’s no real way he can think of to undo it.

The meeting flies by in a haze; Chu Wanning manages to detach himself enough to take his notes and make a single comment in a steady, unaffected voice. When it’s wrapped up, he lingers back to speak with some of his other colleagues, doing his best not to appear obvious when he glances around the room.

As he leaves, Mo Ran casts one look back at Chu Wanning. He’s too far for Chu Wanning to see what it means, but it doesn’t matter, because Mo Ran files out of the room with another colleague who slaps his back and makes a joke that has him turning away. Chu Wanning feels that itch under his collar again, but returns his focus to the people who are animatedly chatting around him. 

Perhaps he lingers a little longer, to give Mo Ran time to truly leave. Chu Wanning finds Xue Zhengyong in the room to give him an ancillary comment that could have waited, just to engage him in conversation. Unfortunately, their conversation is interrupted by Xue Zhengyong’s assistant reminding him that he’s got another meeting in five minutes, and Xue Zhengyong takes his leave with an enthusiastic clap against Chu Wanning’s shoulder.

By this time, Chu Wanning figures that Mo Ran would be long gone, having returned to his own floor. He thinks he’s in the clear but even as he steps out of the conference room, he casts a glance down both sides of the hallway. 

It’s empty.

He heaves a small sigh, though he’s not entirely sure if it’s coloured with relief.  Chu Wanning makes his way down the hall, mechanically sending off an email on his phone as he heads towards the elevators.

Suddenly, he feels someone grab his elbow and yank. Chu Wanning yelps in surprise and immediately tugs his elbow back. However, it doesn’t deter Mo Ran, whose hand lands again on Chu Wanning, this time on his bicep.

The sight of him alone stuns Chu Wanning, long enough for Mo Ran to  pull him into the narrow hall he stepped out from, and into a tiny, empty office.

“Mo Ran, what—” Chu Wanning starts as Mo Ran shuts the door behind them, and locks it with a click. He turns on the light, and Chu Wanning sucks in a breath.

Mo Ran’s face has not broken yet into his true emotion. He looks composed, and Chu Wanning swallows as Mo Ran steps into his space. His looming presence, his familiar cologne, his measured gaze— these are all enough to make Chu Wanning want to buckle. Mo Ran wants a conversation, and Chu Wanning doesn’t know how to have it. 

“You’re avoiding me,” Mo Ran says bluntly, but not unkindly, and Chu Wanning doesn’t look away, as much as he wants to. He keeps his jaw jutted out and holds his ground, no matter how acutely aware he is of the distance between them, and how it closes incrementally as Mo Ran takes another step towards him.

And it’s not that Chu Wanning is completely unsocialized. But he feels his old hackles start to rise before he can help it. When Mo Ran gives him a look, Chu Wanning can see the charge behind those dark eyes. Chu Wanning hasn’t realized it yet, but his old defensiveness starts to rise again, starts to immediately put up those harsh walls he used so often before.

Chu Wanning doesn’t reply. Instead, he glares back at Mo Ran. He can’t speak— this is one of the other reasons he had to avoid Mo Ran. Chu Wanning’s emotions boil so vehemently within him, he’s been scared that he’ll fall back into his old, acidic habits. Already his face has hardened into something that belies his heartbreak. 

“Did I do something?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning looks up at him, narrowing his eyes. “I’d like to apologize, but I can’t do that if you don’t tell me what happened.”

It’s not exactly a standoffish statement. The two of them are equally stubborn; Mo Ran is better at smoothing it over than Chu Wanning is. Here, it’s clear that he’s conceding, but Chu Wanning has no idea how to even tell Mo Ran that he knows.

He’s apprehensive too, and with good reason. If Chu Wanning dares say anything, his tongue risks turning into a whip. So he keeps his mouth shut, for all of thirty seconds. Chu Wanning tries to side step Mo Ran, but Mo Ran rounds on him, not letting him go that easily. 

“Wanning, we can’t get anywhere if we don’t talk,” Mo Ran insists, voice low and… genuine. Almost like he actually does want to find out what’s wrong and fix it. It makes Chu Wanning’s eyes sting, and he tries to duck Mo Ran once more. Mo Ran’s hand shoots out and grabs Chu Wanning by the elbow, stopping him, and Chu Wanning’s resolve cracks. What spills out isn’t his heart.

“And where exactly would we be going in the first place?” Chu Wanning says coldly, no room for misinterpretation in his tone. Mo Ran’s hand freezes around him, and Chu Wanning tries not to think about how the heat of his grip is so familiar.

Mo Ran’s expression is earnest, and Chu Wanning can feel his defenses snapping up and forming a wall the longer they remain in the office.

“Do you…” Mo Ran says, loosening his grip by the slightest fraction. Chu Wanning takes advantage and yanks his arm away, but doesn’t try leaving again. Mo Ran visibly searches for his next words, before he hesitantly says, “Do you not want to do this anymore?”

“Do we need to?” Chu Wanning asks, voice completely devoid of any emotion. He’s seen the bet. He’s tallied how much money Mo Ran must have collected. What worth does Chu Wanning have beyond that amount?

“Wanning, I…” Mo Ran blinks, and his brows furrow. He looks worried, and Chu Wanning wonders if there’s a second part of the bet that Mo Ran stands to lose. “What’s going on?”

Chu Wanning should tell him now, before Mo Ran prods his more eruptive anger. But it may already be too late for it; Chu Wanning’s brain starts to take a back seat as his mouth takes the lead, hurt and anger and desolation churning within him.

“Go to hell,” Chu Wanning says quietly, and Mo Ran’s eyes widen.

“At least do me the dignity of telling me—” He says, reaching once more towards Chu Wanning, and Chu Wanning smacks Mo Ran’s hand away this time. 

The slap is audible, echoing throughout the room and Mo Ran looks stunned. Chu Wanning doesn’t cry at work, no. But his eyes feel hot, and his vision blurs as he looks at Mo Ran, and he can’t help himself. The pain can only stay repressed for so long, before some of it starts to seep out.

“What do you know about dignity!” Chu Wanning finally bursts out, and Mo Ran startles. “There— there is nothing dignified about you, Mo Ran. You— you—”

Chu Wanning’s voice cracks as he tries to find the words, and he loathes himself for being so weak. It’s one more thing for Mo Ran to laugh at him about but even now, Chu Wanning can’t find his words. He’s still barely holding himself back from falling on his old defense of insults, but that thread is wearing thin.

For his part, Mo Ran has a look of trepidation on his face. He still raises a hand and tries to approach Chu Wanning carefully, as if he’s a spooked animal.

“Something’s bothering you, Wanning,” Mo Ran says slowly and calmly, though Chu Wanning can hear the wavering tip of his words.“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what it is.”

It’s an olive branch. An invitation to a gentle, adult conversation. Mo Ran is showing concern, and there is a chance that part of it is genuine. He clearly wants to mollify Chu Wanning. 

It has the opposite effect. Chu Wanning feels the gears in his brain spinning so hard that they start to steam and this time, he’s the one who takes a step towards Mo Ran.

“... Help me?” Chu Wanning says, hating the way his hurt has coloured his words. “How much are you getting paid to help me?”

It is as if time gets suspended, and all sound gets sucked out of the room. 

Mo Ran’s lips part, and a look of stark horror washes across his face. His entire being freezes like an animal caught in the headlights of a car. Chu Wanning’s heart beats in his throat, and he feels the wetness accumulate in the corner of his eyes and cling to his lashes, threatening to roll down his cheek.

Even a pin drop would echo in the room. Mo Ran doesn’t deny anything, nor does he immediately leap to any kind of sweet, soothing sayings. Instead he continues to stare at Chu Wanning in shock, and it grates on Chu Wanning’s nerves.

“How much money are you getting paid to play the role of a concerned boyfriend?” Chu Wanning snaps in Mo Ran’s direction, cutting through the silence. “I don’t remember seeing Mei Hanxue specify that on the menu.”

Mo Ran’s face has drained of all colour, and the silence is killing Chu Wanning just as much. He wishes Mo Ran would say something. Anything. He stares at him for a few more moments before making a move towards the door, and that seems to kick Mo Ran into gear.

“Wanning, I am so sorry—” Mo Ran starts, and Chu Wanning immediately cuts him off.

“For what? For making a laughing stock out of me?” Chu Wanning spits out, hot tears finally making their way down his face. He hates the shame he feels with each drop, and the way they blur out Mo Ran’s face as they burn in his eyes. “For making sure everyone knows I’m an idiot? Whatever revenge you wanted to take on me, you’ve succeeded, Mo Ran.”

“That’s not—”

“You’re a fantastic liar,” Chu Wanning continues, words dripping with humiliation. “So much so that it’s almost a relief that it wasn’t real, and I wasn’t actually attached to someone who is so deceitful.”

Mo Ran does not try to defend himself. He does not try to deny it either, nor does he balk at Chu Wanning’s insult. Probably because it’s not the worst thing he’s heard from him, Chu Wanning thinks acrimoniously. None of those harsher words that he was so good with before make themselves known, but he doesn’t think they’d have an effect anymore.

Eventually, Mo Ran speaks. 

“Who told you?” Mo Ran says quietly, the voice of a man defeated. Wanting to escape, Chu Wanning huffs and starts to march towards the door. Once he unlocks it, he looks back over his shoulder at Mo Ran, who seems to be rooted to the spot, no longer eager to grab Chu Wanning

“Whoever told me did me a favour,” Chu Wanning replies curtly.“Now that I know, I don’t have to deal with someone who despises me as deeply as you do.”

“Wanning,” Mo Ran looks at him with a wounded expression, and despite himself, Chu Wanning feels his heart twist and clench. “I don’t hate you. Please don’t go—”

He can’t look at Mo Ran anymore. 

The most prominent memory he has of the man before this was him standing over a stove, an amused expression in his face as he poked at Chu Wanning’s terrible cooking. Chu Wanning does not know why this is the one that sticks out, but it has been the one that has brought him warmth. It’s now being quickly erased, replaced instead by Mo Ran’s anguished expression in the middle of the shitty little office.

It’s not the memory Chu Wanning wishes to keep. But he’s never truly ever had more than this, has he?

“There is nothing left to be said between us,” Chu Wanning says icily. It’s the best that he can manage; he can’t strike up his normally colourful acerbic words. “And you don’t need to pretend that there was anything to begin with anymore. Goodbye, Mo Ran.”

With that, he opens the door and steps out, slamming it shut behind him. Hastily, Chu Wanning wipes his tears away with the cuff of his suit before anyone sees. He thinks he’ll duck into a washroom to make himself look proper but it can’t be one on this floor, just in case Mo Ran seeks him out again.

Though, Chu Wanning doubts that he would. He’s finished the bet for Mo Ran, and Mo Ran has no more obligation to him. Mo Ran had looked shocked, looked guilty, looked hurt, but the later Chu Wanning thinks he just projected onto Mo Ran, some foolish part of him hoping that Mo Ran would be affected by this as much as Chu Wanning was. He almost wants to turn around to interrogate Mo Ran further, but it would amount to nothing.

Chu Wanning cannot hurl anything else at Mo Ran. He doesn’t want to. At the end of the day, as angry and hurt and betrayed as Chu Wanning feels, he cannot carve out the feelings he has for Mo Ran. 

They’ve been there for a long time from before, and they will be there for a long time after, regardless of the fact that Mo Ran will never love him back, let alone like him. Chu Wanning cannot discard those feelings easily, if at all; he’s tried, from long before.

No, Chu Wanning thinks bitterly as he steps into an empty elevator. There truly is no man more pathetic than himself.

Chapter Text

Mo Ran is crushed. He knows it’s solely his doing.

He had been wading into the deep end of denial, refusing to think of Chu Wanning finding out about the bet on his own. Retrospectively, it is incredibly obvious what would have ticked Chu Wanning off so much he would suddenly ignore Mo Ran. Mo Ran had only been setting himself up for failure, and the revelation that Chu Wanning knew has walloped him in the gut, hard enough to make him nauseous as he stands alone in that tiny office.

Everything has come crumbling down around him, and it is entirely his fault. He can’t even bring himself to say something; he screams at himself to get moving, to go after Chu Wanning, to hunt him down and apologize, otherwise he may never have the opportunity to do so again. Yet he can’t move, his entire body calcified and rooted to the spot.

By the time he comes to his senses, he feels his eyes burn. He won’t cry at work, but he knows he’s going to come embarrassingly close. What he will do after he takes a moment to compose himself, is walk straight back to his office, open his bottom drawer, and pour himself some of the whiskey he keeps there. He reschedules his meetings and contemplates taking the day off, but can’t even bring himself to do that much.

Mo Ran spends the rest of the day in a numb stupor. He wants to text Chu Wanning but every time he reaches for his phone, he remembers that Chu Wanning has indeed blocked his number. Chu Wanning is avoiding him. And for a good reason.

Fuck. No matter what happened between them in the past, Chu Wanning doesn’t deserve what happened. And Mo Ran doesn’t deserve Chu Wanning.

He goes home that night, forgoing dinner in favour of staring at a turned off television. Mo Ran keeps replaying Chu Wanning’s words over and over and over again in his head, turning them over and picking them apart, seeing the vulnerability and pain between them. If this had been half a year ago, Mo Ran would have taken what Chu Wanning had said at face value. He would have thought there was nothing but pure hate and venom spewed towards him, which was on par with all the other interactions they had up till then.

However, Mo Ran has become adept at reading Chu Wanning. Well— he’s always known what’s set Chu Wanning off. Sometimes, when he was feeling particularly antagonistic, he’d purposefully prod at it, just like Chu Wanning would drag Mo Ran’s professional insecurities out and give them a public flogging. But now, Mo Ran has gained an understanding of the deeper meaning behind the sharp looks, the firm frown set on that delicate mouth, the hardened features and how they do not always mean pure anger and disdain. 

There is one thing though, that seemed genuine. One thing that is plain as day; Chu Wanning has been hurt deeply enough that he no longer wants to be with him. In the forefront of his brain sits the stark idea that he could apologize till the end of his days, and Chu Wanning would never look at Mo Ran in a romantic manner again.

He tries to call Chu Wanning, one more time. The phone doesn’t ring. It immediately tells him the user is not available, and disconnects. 

Mo Ran knows that in that office, there was nothing but hurt behind Chu Wanning’s words. Mo Ran knows how he is as a person and no matter how much he ever does to try and make up for it, it’ll never change the fact that he moves through life with more anger than common sense. He’s a fuck up. That much is certain.

Mo Ran’s fucked up.

The knock on the door is sharp and hammering. Mo Ran groans, rubbing a hand over his face and debating closing the blinds over the glass wall of his office so that his visitor gets the hint and gets lost. He hasn’t had the chance to chat with Xue Meng; his cousin has been back in town for a few days by now, but Mo Ran hasn’t had time for him yet. Especially not with the Chu Wanning situation. 

He regrets coming to work. Mo Ran spent the last night barely able to sleep, staring at his ceiling and hoping the white expanse would give him some answers. He could not distract himself with anything, and slipped into a haze as dawn broke. By the time Mo Ran’s third alarm went off, he managed to drag up enough energy to get out of bed, brush his teeth, shave, and dress himself for the day, but ever since he got to the office he’s been feeling completely drained.

Mo Ran has badly wanted to call it in. The numbness from last night crept into the morning, and he feels like he’s experiencing the day with his soul detached and hovering behind his physical form.

There is no pity he’s earned, so he’s trying to stick it through. He does not have the reserves though, to deal with Xue Meng. It does not seem that Mo Ran has a choice, especially when his door starts to click open. He wishes he had told the office secretary to field visitors for him today, but he’s not quite sure if his request would be heard anyways.

“Xue Meng,” Mo Ran greets, and Xue Meng frowns.

“You look rough,” Xue Meng says, squinting as he scrutinizes Mo Ran’s face. “Like someone ran over your pet.”

“One of those days,” Mo Ran says, and waves his hand in a vague gesture. “What’s up?”

“What’s up?” Xue Meng’s brows pinch further as he approaches Mo Ran’s desk and drops down onto the cushioned, leather office chair opposite him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Mo Ran doesn’t have the brainspace to deal with Xue Meng. The less time Xue Meng spends interrogating him the better, so he replies with a half-truth, half-lie. “I had had a lot of coffee yesterday and couldn’t sleep. I got too excited about your return.”

“Jackass,” Xue Meng scoffs in return, but he seems to buy Mo Ran’s excuse, with the way that his face relaxes. 

The conversation falls into something somewhat easier, at least for Mo Ran. All he needs to do is ask Xue Meng one small question about his trip, and Xue Meng launches into a full blow-by-blow account of it. 

Mo Ran can relegate Xue Meng’s voice to a drone in the background and he finds it’s not entirely unpleasant. Hearing his cousin talk and forcing himself to at least appear engaged serves as enough of a distraction and it works for some time. He hums and makes noncommittal sounds here and there, which serves to keep Xue Meng occupied for the better of ten minutes.

The conversation shifts to Xue Meng’s presentation from yesterday, and it takes everything in Mo Ran not to grimace. There was nothing wrong with Xue Meng— just that everything that happened afterwards eclipsed Mo Ran’s entire day. Mo Ran catches the moment Xue Meng visibly thinks something’s wrong with him, so he offers up a compliment and hopes it doesn’t sound too exhausted. 

“It was a good presentation,” Mo Ran says, and Xue Meng narrows his eyes at him.

“You really didn’t get any sleep, huh?” He says, and while Mo Ran doesn’t reply, he still can’t hold back the sheepish look on your face.

“I’m serious,” Mo Ran says earnestly anyways, because as much as he likes to bully Xue Meng, Xue Meng does do good work, and his presentation at the time had been interesting. It’s just that usually, Mo Ran couches his praises between playful insults. This time, he doesn’t have the energy.

Xue Meng scoffs, but straightens out the collar of his own shirt anyways. “I actually had done a smaller presentation before my trip. Senior Chu sat in on it.”

Mo Ran’s heart twinges at the mention of Chu Wanning, but he remembers that Xue Meng doesn’t know the truth. Xue Meng will probably flip a table if he did, and then Mo Ran’s headache will truly never go away.

“Speaking of Senior Chu,” Xue Meng says, and waves the papers he had walked in with. “I’m about to be the best cousin ever.”

He drops the papers on Mo Ran’s desk, but Mo Ran visions swims a little, a combination of the sleep deprivation and having to cobble together enough effort to complete an important audit on a project in the morning. He sees it’s an itinerary for a trip, and sees his name listed right beside—

“Wait,” Mo Ran blinks rapidly, looking down at this. “What?”

“Thank me later,” Xue Meng says. “I put in a word with my dad about the conference coming up in Feihua and instead of sending one of Xie Fengya’s managers, we’re going to send you instead. You’ve got better numbers than any of that old dog’s managers combined anyways, so it wasn’t a hard sell but look,” Xue Meng jabs his finger at the name directly under Mo Ran’s. “Senior Chu is also attending.”

Mo Ran’s brain comes to a standstill, not for the first time in the last twenty-four hours. He gawks at the paper, and Xue Meng takes it as a good sign.

“It’ll be good for your career,” Xue Meng says. “Sisheng is supposed to give one of the closing presentations, which Senior Chu and yourself will do together.”

Good for your career. Xue Meng isn’t wrong. People clamour for a chance to represent their companies at this conference; Mo Ran has tried in previous years as well, but he’s never made the cut. To do one of the closing presentations would be a godsend as well, both for his reputation and for Sisheng’s.

Yet he processes none of that. All he can think about is how this trip will be with Chu Wanning, who he has hurt in an unforgivable manner. Mo Ran hasn’t tried as hard as he could have to reach out to Chu Wanning, not yet.

Blocked number aside, Mo Ran hasn’t brought up enough courage yet to send Chu Wanning a message on the intracompany chat. He thinks it would be inappropriate there anyways, and that Chu Wanning would skewer him for bringing any more of this to work. He has been contemplating for the better part of the day whether Chu Wanning would call security on Mo Ran if he tried to elbow his way into his office.

“I put you two on the same flight and your hotel rooms are booked side by side,” Xue Meng says, and then his tone immediately takes one of sharp warning. “But don’t get any ideas. There are two separate rooms for a reason.”

Mo Ran can’t even take the opportunity to make fun of Xue Meng’s image of Chu Wanning as a paragon of virtue, because all he can think of is how he needs to talk to Chu Wanning as soon as possible. He swallows roughly, and Xue Meng finally twigs on to the fact that Mo Ran isn’t exactly ecstatic about this opportunity. 

“Mo Ran?” Xue Meng prods, and Mo Ran tears his eyes up from the itinerary to look up at Xue Meng. He stares at his cousin for a moment, wondering what to possibly say. His mouth automatically comes to an answer before he does.

“We broke up,” Mo Ran says, and Xue Meng’s eyes go as wide as saucers. There’s a very pregnant pause as Xue Meng visibly processes this information.

“Broke— you broke up?” Xue Meng sputters, and Mo Ran presses his lips tightly. “I thought you said you guys were good! I thought he said you guys were good!”

“You spoke to him?” Mo Ran frowns, trying to piece together when that had happened. If it was some time yesterday, Chu Wanning had already been avoiding Mo Ran. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up; Chu Wanning probably just did it to save face for the two of them, because workplace relationships can be incredibly awkward when they go south.

“You broke up?” Xue Meng repeats, and for a moment, Mo Ran debates lying about the reason. Especially when he’s already lied once to Xue Meng. However, lying is the thing that got him into the whole situation to begin with.

“I never told him that I was dating him on a bet,” Mo Ran says, rubbing his hand over his face. It’s strange; the words don’t get stuck in his throat. They float out freely, the blanket of shame that’s been draped over him weighing down even more heavily than before. “He… found out on his own. Recently. And he broke up with me yesterday.”

Xue Meng’s face twitches violently for a moment, and Mo Ran braces for impact. Where Xue Zhengyong is loud and boisterous, Xue Meng can be loud and angry. Of course, not as much around others, but Mo Ran has never brought the best out in others. Xue Meng opens and closes his mouth repeatedly, doing his best to imitate a fish. 

“I guess that would explain his behaviour,” Xue Meng says finally, his voice a lot more reserved than Mo Ran had anticipated. “I knew something was off when I brought it up.”

Mo Ran takes a moment to process Xue Meng’s words but as soon as he does, realization dawns on him.

“You told him?” Mo Ran says, anger and panic immediately rising in his voice because as much as he loves Xue Meng, there’s no worse person for Chu Wanning to hear the news from. 

“I left later for my trip than I planned to and I saw him before I left,” Xue Meng says obliviously, and Mo Ran feels a vein throb in his temple. No, it’s not Xue Meng’s fault, really. But Mo Ran’s emotions are so volatile right now that he can’t help but feel rage bubble over within him. 

“You had no right,” Mo Ran grits out, trying to keep his temper in check. “It was none of your business, Xue Meng.”

An irrational part of him tells him that if Xue Meng had just kept his mouth shut, Mo Ran would have been able to tell Chu Wanning the truth on his own terms. A truth that he lied about telling. A truth that he should have told Chu Wanning a long time ago. Both the men in the room know it, and Xue Meng presses his lips in a tight line before he pushes his chair back and stands up.

Methodically, Xue Meng walks over to the door, closing and locking with a click. He closes the blinds over the glass door, then walks over to the floor-to-ceiling window and draws the blinds there too. He turns on his heel and looks at Mo Ran, straightening out his tie and patting down the front of his deep blue suit. Then he inhales deeply and roars, “DO NOT PUT ANY BLAME ON ME, YOU FUCKING MORON.”

The window panes rattle with the force of Xue Meng’s yelling, and Mo Ran feels his blood start to simmer. With behemoth self control, he reins it in, but he does let out a scoff. At the sound of that. Xue Meng launches into a tirade. Xue Meng always bursts with his words as if he’s been holding them in for a long time but Mo Ran doesn’t doubt that he truly has been sitting on all of this since the night he found out about the bet. 

A lot of what Xue Meng yells about is rote. That Mo Ran needs to get his shit together (this part is true) and that he needs to be more honest (also true) and that he could walk outside and pick up any old rock off the ground and it would still have more emotional intelligence than Mo Ran (decidedly false and incredibly rich coming from a man who has yet to come to terms with the fact that their solar system revolves around a sun and not himself). 

He also digs his fingers into Mo Ran’s open wounds, telling him about how he’s ungrateful for everything Chu Wanning’s done for him. The cannibalistic projects and soul-sucking opportunities he saved Mo Ran from, the fuckups he pulled their merry little trio out of with a silent hand, the way Chu Wanning has secretly advocated for their careers, including Mo Ran’s rise through the ranks.

It blurs for Mo Ran, a drone that drills right into his frontal lobe as Xue Meng says that “None of us would be where we are at if it wasn’t for that man, and you treat him like this?”

Mo Ran doesn’t bother telling Xue Meng the same thing he told Shi Mei, because he knows it will simply make him prey to more lectures. He does not think Xue Meng will care that Mo Ran never actually got to see any of Chu Wanning’s kindness, and was never told of his good deeds. It will probably be another thing to blame Mo Ran for— for being blind to a man who made no outward gesture of goodwill.

Not that it matters. It does not change the fact that Mo Ran had fallen for Chu Wanning, even before he learned of all his secret good deeds. Mo Ran had learned about Chu Wanning’s kindness late, but he had learned about it on his own because everyone had seen the hate he held for Chu Wanning and had remained impassive towards it, too wrapped up in their own lives and too focused on making sure they impressed him even if Mo Ran didn’t.

Fuck. It’s not anyone else’s fault. No one owes him anything. He needs to stop this. In the middle of Xue Meng’s lecture, Mo Ran plants his elbows on the table and his face in his palms and only then does Xue Meng pause for a breath.

There is silence in the room for a moment, but only a brief one as Xue Meng punctuates it with an expectant, “Well?”

Mo Rand drags his hands over his face as he looks up at Xue Meng wearily. Xue Meng has an angry flush on his face, and Mo Ran feels tension between his own shoulder blades, his head too heavy to lift up completely.

There is nothing he can say. There is a lot he wants to, but each confession weighs down on his tongue, threatening to choke him. And that has been his problem all along, hasn’t it? Where he has an abundance of self-proclaimed charm, Mo Ran clearly lacks the capability for veracity. His shell has been cracked, and there’s been nothing of substance found within.

Xue Meng scoffs at the silence.

“Stop being a dick and sort it out,” Xue Meng says, voice clipped as his phone starts to buzz. “Preferably before the trip but atleast before your presentation.”

With that, Xue Meng takes his leave and Mo Ran droops back into his seat, no better than before. 

And he’s not proud of it, but Mo Ran languishes. He takes the next day off of work, fielding his important meetings into the morning so that he can get them over with and go home. Xue Meng’s words have been swirling in his mind from the night before, and they haven’t made anything better.

This is hitting him harder than any of his past break-ups, including the long-term relationships. The loss of what he had with Chu Wanning has gutted out a part of his heart that he can’t imagine filling back up. As soon as he gets home, having feigned a migraine, he stands in his front doorway for fifteen minutes, trying to draft an apology text.

Xue Meng is right. He does need to fix this. Mo Ran prays Chu Wanning has at least unblocked him as he mulls over what on earth to say. He was tempted earlier to message Chu Wanning over the company chat, but hasn’t sealed his death wish quite yet. Nothing he types out feels right though, and he deletes ten texts, a paragraph each, before he tosses his phone onto the sofa and tries to figure out what the hell to do with himself.

He attempts to find the solution in the gym of his apartment complex, where he goes half an hour after he gets home. He’d been there in the morning before work, but his efforts had been limp. This time, he tries to quieten the thoughts in his brain by overworking himself, and pointedly ignoring the few guys that try to approach him and first ask him about his routine, then ask him with some cursory concern if he’s okay, or if he intends to desolately crush the pectoral fly for another fifteen minutes. 

Mo Ran  manages to work himself into exhaustion and heads back to his apartment to shower, staring at the tile for an inordinately long time till he starts to prune. His thoughts start to seep in by the time Mo Ran is in the kitchen, making a bland and inoffensive dish, just to keep himself upright. He takes some liquor with it too, and parks himself on his couch.

The rest of the day falls by in a blur, and by the end of it, all he manages is a short and cowardly series of messages to Chu Wanning.

i’m sorry.

please don’t hate me

please wanning, i’m so fucking sorry.

At least there are no more red exclamation marks beside his messages, no notice telling him that the receiver has rejected his text. Yet, he does not get a reply. He tries to turn on the television to distract himself but each buzz of his phone has him on edge and frantically checking if it is Chu Wanning. The swoop of disappointment every time he realizes it’s not is crushing, and eventually Mo Ram simply gives in and calls Chu Wanning.

It goes straight to voicemail.

Mo Ran isn’t so out of sorts that he leaves a rambling message. Instead, it’s as short as his texts.

“It’s me, Wanning. I’m so sorry. I know I haven’t earned it, but please give me the chance to make it up to you.”

Mo Ran knows he needs to grovel. Hell, he’d do anything for the opportunity, given that Chu Wanning has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with him anymore. He wants to tell Chu Wanning that he genuinely likes him and cares deeply for him. 

Chu Wanning probably has reawakened his old hate for Mo Ran, and will see this as a cheap trick.

Fuck, even if they at least had a friendship again. Mo Ran would do anything for just that. Ironically, he has spent so much time with Chu Wanning in his life, whether misguidedly hating him or tenderly loving him, he cannot bear the thought of being truly and completely iced out.

So, Mo Ran needs to grovel. But he’ll be lucky if he gets a chance.

The thing is, Mo Ran doesn’t even know where to begin. The apology is a no-brainer. It’s getting a hold of Chu Wanning that is proving to be hard, and Mo Ran cannot blame Chu Wanning for avoiding him. He spends the next day at work still mired in a haze. 

Mo Ran racks his brain, trying to think of how to get a hold of Chu Wanning. His texts are ignored, as are his calls and his voicemails. He finally dares to send Chu Wanning a message on the company chat, but both those and his decidedly improper requests for a meeting go ignored. Mo Ran even leaves late purely in the hopes of catching Chu Wanning in the elevators. But he sees no trace of Chu Wanning. The man has become very good at evading him. Mo Ran is tempted to corner Chu Wanning, but he’s still on his hinges, even though it’s just barely.

Mei Hanxue invites him out, sympathy lacing his voice, but Mo Ran rejects it. After his talk with Xue Meng, Mo Ran doesn’t feel like being in the company of anyone. He’s busy coming to terms with the fact that he’s nothing but a dick, nothing but a destructive force. Xue Meng’s words keep ringing in his head, to the point where they make it ache.

Why did he even take the stupid bet? What was he trying to prove? What did he get? Chu Wanning, for a short time, but at what cost?

Dryly, part of Mo Ran realizes that some of the answers lay within the questions themselves. He spends the entire subway ride home trying to piece together if it was Mei Hanxue’s smug face that egged him on to take the bet, or the need to see Chu Wanning’s icy beauty turn towards him for a change. He didn’t know that Chu Wanning was a lot warmer than he let on; even if he wasn’t, Mo Ran doesn’t know if it would have mattered. 

By the time Mo Ran gets home, he feels beat down. His bag gets dumped on the ground while he meanders into the kitchen, tossing his jacket on the dining chair and opening the fridge, grabbing two bottles of beer in a show of restraint. He hasn’t eaten all day, and his stomach rumbles, but Mo Ran can’t bring himself to throw anything together for himself.

He manages to drag himself to the sofa, but right as he’s about to slump down into the cushions, the doorbell rings. Mo Ran freezes for a moment; many moments, in fact, because there’s a sharp three raps against the door that follows.

“I know you’re in there,” comes a muffled voice from the other end, and Mo Ran’s shoulders slump. It’s tempting to not answer, but Mo Ran knows that Xue Meng is only announcing his presence as a courtesy; they’ve long had keys to each other’s places, given both of their tendencies to lock themselves out by accident.

He debates telling Xue Meng to let himself in, but knows that’s going to set a dangerous precedent. Last time he said so, Xue Meng took it as a free pass for a good three months, until he walked in on Mo Ran in a position with someone else that was both very compromising and very naked. Neither of them want to risk it again. 

Mo Ran lets out a weary sigh and hauls himself up.

“Ge,” Xue Meng greets as Mo Ran opens  the door, holding up a plastic bag stuffed with styrofoam containers. Mo Ran raises an eyebrow, and Xue Meng clears his throat somewhat awkwardly. “I still think you’re a dick, for the record.”

Mo Ran recognizes this for the apology that it is, but doesn’t know for what. He steps aside and Xue Meng comes in, taking off his slides and giving Mo Ran’s forgotten satchel a frown. He eyes the two bottles that Mo Ran’s holding.

“You knew I was coming?” Xue Meng asks, and Mo Ran rolls his eyes. Without saying anything, he simply wanders back to his living room, listening to Xue Meng rustle around in his kitchen for cutlery before he emerges, takeout and cutlery in tow.

Xue Meng tuts about for a while, putting food out for the two of them and turning on the television, switching it to some mindless late night show. The food itself is good; it’s heavily fried, and each grain of rice seems to come with its own pool of grease. Even in this state, Mo Ran grudgingly eats a heavy portion, and the two of them watch television in silence for some time. 

Mo Ran can feel that his cousin is barely holding back on saying something, but he decides to not prod him for it. After all, he’s not looking to get torn a new one twice in such a short period of time by Xue Meng. But there must have been some reason for Xue Meng to come over, other than feeling guilty for Mo Ran. 

His cousin isn’t the best at hiding it, or being subtle. Xue Meng openly stares Mo Ran down as he eats, tearing his eyes back to the television every now and then. It’s a trick that Xue Meng’s picked up from his mother’s cat, Mo Ran is pretty sure. Sometimes Mo Ran thinks that Xue Meng is acutely aware of how weird some of the things he does are, and that he’s a secret mastermind at breaking people down. However, Mo Ran isn’t just people. He’s built his own defences, having spent a lot of his teenage and young adult years alongside Xue Meng, so he continues to eat in sullen silence.

Sure enough, Xue Meng is the first one to finally break, during one of the commercials where Mo Ran pretends that he’s utterly fascinated by a commercial about yogurt. Xue Meng clears his throat three times within the span of the fifteen seconds the commercial runs, and it’s not till the model has flounced off the screen that Mo Ran finally deigns to turn towards Xue Meng. Xue Meng, for his part, looks like he’s very vehemently fighting back a twitch.

“You know,” Xue Meng begins, his voice a little awkward. “Even when you’re stupid and I’m not on your side, I’m still on your side.”

Mo Ran blinks in his direction before slowly dragging his gaze back to the television.

“That was really sweet, Mengmeng,” Mo Ran jokes half-heartedly, shoving a piece of fried fish in his mouth. “I feel like I’ve met my annual quote of looking at my feelings though.”

“I’m trying to be nice here, asshole,” Xue Meng says, giving Mo Ran a punch in his shoulder.Mo Ran makes a face. “And I spoke to Shi Mei. Actually, I tried to get him to come tonight too but he said no, so I have to do this awkward conversation on my own.”

“What awkward conversation?” Mo Ran asks and Xue Meng gives a vague motion he assumes is supposed to be a shrug. 

“One where I…” Xue Meng says cryptically. “You know.”

Mo Ran does know, but he doesn’t want to be the only one who is uncomfortable.

“I do not know,” Mo Ran says helpfully instead and Xue Meng sighs before rolling his eyes. 

“You shouldn’t have lied to me,” Xue Meng starts and Mo Ran has to immediately tamp down on his knee-jerk reaction to run. “But I shouldn’t have brought the bet up to Senior Chu. He doesn’t like getting personal at work.”

Mo Ran feels mildly suspicious; Xue Meng is normally too proud to apologize verbally. Even here, Xue Meng hasn’t fully said sorry, but Mo Ran understands the sentiment nonetheless. The food and the company makes sense, but actually talking about feelings seems something further than normal. 

“Mn.” Mo Ran replies. “Was that the only thing? It’s not something you should apologize for.” He pauses for a moment, chewing on his words before he clears his throat and admits, “I lied to you about telling Wanning. I should be the one who is saying sorry.”

“Just shut up for a second,” Xue Meng waves him off, his voice unusually gruff. Mo Ran’s about to make fun of him for it, but Xue Meng’s face has a determined set to it. “There’s something else I need to apologize for.”

Xue Meng then turns towards Mo Ran, and Mo Ran really wants to run. He’s seen that look on both Uncle and Auntie’s face, and Xue Meng’s face is such an eerie blend of theirs that it creeps him out. It definitely has nothing to do with the fact that an expression like that normally precedes talks about sticky matters like feelings and how much they care. Sure enough, it’s exactly what Xue Meng wants to talk about.

“When you came to live with us, you told me you’d treat me like a proper brother should,” Xue Meng says, unwilling to break eye contact to ease the tension. “You kept your word and you looked out for me. I should have done the same for you.”

Xue Meng scratches the side of his head, and takes a long sip from his bottle of beer. Mo Ran already feels the creeping discomfort of their conversation.

“When we started working at Sisheng, everyone was so absorbed in their own thing, no one really filled you in like they should have,” Xue Meng continues, and grimaces as he hiccups. “Including me. I didn’t have your back as much as I could have.”

“Huh?” Mo Ran blinks, and Xue Meng turns back, sinking back into the couch cushions as his gaze drifts back to the mindless action show they were watching.

“Remember how Senior Chu didn’t allow us to work on the Zhuque project because he knew it’d go down in flames and the company would take us to hell with them?” Xue Meng says, and Mo Ran hums.

“The one where he told us that it was because we weren’t competent, yes,” Mo Ran says. “...But he was just watching out for us. I know that.”

Xue Meng makes an acknowledging sound before he speaks.

“And it was Shi Mei’s idea to leave Sisheng,” He says.  “He didn’t think he fit in, but he didn’t know how to tell us. Senior Chu helped him to get into Guyueye, even though they didn’t really want to give him a chance.”

“That’s got nothing to do with me,” Mo Ran says reflexively, but the way Xue Meng looks at him from the corner of his eye tells him Xue Meng knows better. 

That had been a sore spot for Mo Ran for a long time too; that Chu Wanning was taking away his happiness, his career prospects, and finally, the man he thought he had a massive crush on. Mo Ran had been bitter towards Chu Wanning because he thought he practically shoved Shi Mei towards Guyueye and Shi Mei had never bothered correcting him when Mo Ran had ranted heavily over drinks about it.

Yet, it was Shi Mei’s choice. And even more surprisingly, Mo Ran feels nothing towards the revelation.

“Senior Chu also fought with Mu Yanli to keep our heads above water and made sure you didn’t get fired,” Xue Meng says, and Mo Ran stares. “Director Jielu wanted you gone to please the eggheads at Tianyin because of our mistake, but it was Chu Wanning’s word that kept you safe. And remember how he told you you’d never do well at Rufeng?”

“Yeah,” Mo Ran says, because he remembers Chu Wanning scoffing at Mo Ran’s request for a reference for Rufeng and told him he was shooting for something far above his competencies.

“Well,” Xue Meng says, continuing on this strange unveiling of secrets. “They were only trying to poach you as revenge because Chu Wanning rejected the job offer they gave him. They had plans to fire you after a year, but Senior Chu found out about the plan through the president’s son. It would have wrecked your career.”

Mo Ran blinks, unsure of what to say. He reaches for his own beer, and drains the entire thing in one go. 

“Is any of this supposed to make me feel better?” Mo Ran says gloomily, and Xue Meng sighs.

“I’m getting to it,” Xue Meng says, leaning forward and picking up two fat pieces of shrimp with his chopsticks. He leans back and drops both of them on Mo Ran’s plate, before taking some for himself. “I kept Senior Chu on such a pedestal that I assumed everyone else did the same.”

“They did,” Mo Ran says, and Xue Meng shakes his head.

“You didn’t,” Xue Meng says. “You fought with him all the time, and I thought that you were being obstinate because of a few insults here and there.

“But you didn’t know. Because no one told you, and Senior Chu never makes it obvious. I only knew this because…” Xue Meng chews his bottom lip. “I know everything that happens in Sisheng. And I should have told you, so that you wouldn’t have this grudge weighing on you.”

“I didn’t make it easy for you to tell me either,” Mo Ran points out because he was rather hotheaded. He still is; he’s just learned how to rein it in and how to steady himself when his mind’s afloat in choppy waters.

“No,” Xue Meng agrees, and shrugs. “Still, I was there when he yelled at you in front of the people from Huohuang just because you were a minute late at a meeting.”

“Something I love to relive,” Mo Ran says, voice laconic, and Xue Meng ignores him.

“And I was there for a lot of the other lectures he gave and insults he threw your way,” Xue Meng says, slowly drifting off into his thoughts.“And the way he used to scold you unprompted. He was really scary, if I’m being honest…”

Xue Meng’s beer is empty now, and gets set down on the table with a soft clink. More shrimp piles up on Mo Ran’s plate through no effort of his own.

“Plus, some things he did genuinely would have pissed me off too,” Xue Meng says contemplatively. “Like how he sent whatshisface to Jiangdong instead of you, despite you being the department favourite for that posting.”

“Huang Xiaoyue,” Mo Ran says, and raises an eyebrow. “Who’s now an executive officer because of the work he did there. Yeah, I remember. Was Senior Chu saving me from something there too?”

It is something that is another sore spot for Mo Ran, perhaps even a bigger one. Mo Ran would have had to move across the country, but Chu Wanning had refused to send him out for that opportunity. It had been capricious, how coldly Chu Wanning had declined to sponsor him; unfortunately for Mo Ran, he was not allowed to go over Chu Wanning’s head and get a sponsor from anyone else. Mo Ran had been downright livid, and every time he revisited it, he felt the onset of a migraine, especially when he saw that insufferable one surnamed Huang at a gala a year later, flaunting his fast success.

And strangely, it is something that Mo Ran has not thought about in a long time. Even now when Xue Meng draws that memory back, Mo Ran barely feels a pang at it. He had certainly not thought of it when he had been intertwining himself so closely with Chu Wanning.

“I think he was just being a dick at that time,” Xue Meng says bluntly. “He didn’t have to list your faults so regularly and so publicly in the office either.”

This elicits a short bark of laughter from Mo Ran, and even the corners of Xue Meng’s lips quirk. Both their drinks are done, Mo Ran excuses himself for a moment as he goes to the kitchen, pulling out the rest of the six pack he had originally just bought for himself. The heavy, fried food after a couple of days drinking and not eating properly has made him queasy, but Mo Ran manages to steady himself with a glass of water.

When he comes back, Xue Meng grabs two bottles immediately like the little animal he is.

“Chu Wanning is not a villain,” Mo Ran says as he sits down, and as strange as it feels saying it out loud, he genuinely means it. 

“He’s not,” Xue Meng agrees. “You know, my dad told me that every time your name’s come up for a promotion, Chu Wanning makes sure to put in his word for you.”

He knocks the bottle against the corner of Mo Ran’s coffee table, popping the lid off. Mo Ran mirrors the action and they clink their beer together before taking a long swig.

“I should not have expected you to figure out everything on your own,” Xue Meng says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I should have told you. And… I should have stood up for you, even in front of Chu Wanning. Even if it was just a few insults here and there, I should have defended you.”

Mo Ran does not know what to say to that. It is an incredibly heartfelt apology out of nowhere and one that he does not think he fully deserves. Mo Ran still feels like an idiot, and he is most definitely still a fuck-up, but all this coming from Xue Meng does make him feel fractionally better.

“Of course you’d have thought I’d figure it out on my own,” Mo Ran says lightly, elbowing Xue Meng. “I’m way smarter than you after all.”

“Fuck off,” Xue Meng says, shoving Mo Ran’s shoulder hard enough that his beer spills over onto his jeans. Mo Ran shoves him back, and Xue Meng swears loudly as he almost drops his bottle, earning a snort of laughter from Mo Ran. Xue Meng sniffs and straightens back up, setting his bottle down on the coffee table out of the realm of danger.

“If you really want to make things right with Senior Chu, you should apologize from the heart,” Xue Meng says, and Mo Ran huffs.

“Tell me something I don’t already know,” Mo Ran says, but Xue Meng is right. Mo Ran needs to up his method of apology. Chu Wanning needs to know that Mo Ran is genuine with it. Part of Mo Ran also just wants Chu Wanning back. Most of him, really. His heart aches with how bad he wants him, how bad he wants Chu Wanning to smile his way again, even just once. Whether Mo Ran gets his wish fulfilled though, is not up to him.

He sighs, and stares at the explosion on the television.  “Don’t hit me when I say this, but I genuinely… I genuinely like Chu Wanning.”

Xue Meng has been incredibly and uncomfortably honest with Mo Ran; Mo Ran returns the favour as the credits start to roll, the episode ending on a cliffhanger. 

“I wish I had told him the truth earlier,” Mo Ran says, voice rueful. “I deserve whatever you threw at me in the office. I don’t know if I can fix this.”

“Y’Know, I don’t actually think you’re a dick,” Xue Meng gives Mo Ran a sympathetic look. “I think you’re just stupid sometimes, with bad judgement.”

“Eat shit,” Mo Ran says with no venom, and Xue Meng pats him on the back. It effectively draws their heart-to-heart to an end, but Mo Ran appreciates it nonetheless.

As they fall back into watching television, talking shit and toeing around the fact that they were just emotionally vulnerable with each other, Mo Ran sinks into his thoughts once more, trying to figure out how to make it better with Chu Wanning. Not just for this trip, but in general. He wants to be genuine, and he wants to be heard.

Even if Chu Wanning doesn’t want him anymore, Mo Ran wants to at least convince him not to ice him out of his life completely. Mo Ran will take anything at this point.

Chu Wanning can say with great confidence that he’s had better months.

It’s perhaps not the worst thing that’s happened in his life, not objectively anyways, given his youth under the fist of an oppressively controlling father with a serene face. However, there is something to be said for one’s first genuine heartbreak, something that is trying very hard to rend him in two. There’s been a thick fog that’s laid itself over his life and he’s trying to work through it, trying to pretend that everything is normal and this was nothing but a mere bump in the road. It is too busy for him to do otherwise. 

Against his better judgment, he keeps revisiting the conversation they had in the office over and over again. He had been able to draw on his harshness and his cold words, but it was worse than a hollow victory. He had stood up for himself out of a survival instinct, leaving the messy debris of his emotions in his wake.

It’s hard to feel like he’s won anything, and it’s hard to feel like his pride is intact, not when he misses Mo Ran so much. No amount of self-deprecation or flagellation has taken away that fact— Chu Wanning thinks there must be something broken within him to still be so deeply enamoured with someone who does not return it. Who had been paid to pretend he was interested in Chu Wanning.

Chu Wanning combs through their past memories, trying to find the hints amongst the soft kisses, the small jokes, the way Mo Ran would occasionally link their fingers when they walked down a street like it was the most natural thing in the world. He tries to look at the time Mo Ran had their soaked bodies pressed up against the wall in the hallway of his apartment building, or the time he draped over Chu Wanning like a lush in the club, unwilling to let him go. 

Guiltily, he revisits their first and last time together, and the recollection of Mo Ran bruising him and filling him so deeply and Chu Wanning gritting through the pain just to feel wanted. the recollection of that brings a course of sharp and shameful arousal, swirled in sadness. Mo Ran is a good actor, Chu Wanning resolves, or perhaps he just got comfortable.

Initially after they fought, Mo Ran hadn’t chased him, save for a single call when Chu Wanning’s phone was dead. Chu Wanning doesn’t know whether it was due to shock at being caught, or relief that he didn’t have to do the delicate task of breaking up with Chu Wanning himself. But now, Mo Ran has started to apologize, and Chu Wanning is finding it increasingly hard to keep his head held high.

He ignores them, even though it crushes him to do so. He knows why Mo Ran is doing it — the proof sits on his desk amongst  the clutter — but Chu Wanning cannot bring himself to face it. Mo Ran has become increasingly desperate with his attempts as the days pass; he’s texted and left voicemails, the latter of which Chu Wanning listens to over and over again, trying to determine whether the timbre of his voice is genuine.

Chu Wanning catches him waiting by the elevators and takes the stairs before Mo Ran can spot him. The pastries and the food that Mo Ran sends to his office in apology get distributed amongst his staff, Chu Wanning claiming around the lump in his throat that his tastes are above these types of foods anyways, despite Mo Ran remembering his exact favourites. Chu Wanning explicitly tells his secretary to decline any meeting requests sent by a certain senior manager and the next day, he comes home to a flower delivery person who tells him that if he wants to get rid of the bouquet of soft lilies, he’ll have to do them himself.

Ultimately, Chu Wanning feels sorry for the elegant flowers thrust into the middle of this, so he sets them in a vase, counting down the days till they inevitably shrivel under his touch.

His mind takes complicated roads as he looks at the flowers, wondering if Mo Ran is apologizing out of some guilt? Well— that’s normally foundational to why anyone apologizes if they are genuine. He is probably really doing it to save face and perhaps even win some more money. The more vulnerable part of Chu Wanning’s brain, the one he tries his best to keep guarded from the world, wonders if Mo Ran’s feelings turned genuine. It’s a foolish thought though because if they had, Chu Wanning would have found out the truth from him and not Xue Meng. 

However, he cannot avoid him forever, no matter what he wants to do or whatever inner conflict he’s trying to bushwhack his way through. Regardless of what he feels, there’s one other thing that won’t let him try to suppress things, and that thing is sitting on his desk at work.

When Chu Wanning had first received the itinerary for the trip, he had stared at it for a long, long time. His immediate reaction was that he did not want to go but when he tried to bring it up to Xue Zhengyong, the man had been maliciously exuberant, not letting Chu Wanning get a word in edgewise when the man gleaned onto what he wanted to say.

Chu Wanning still does not want to go. He does not hate speaking, but he hates socializing, especially at corporate events where everyone either simpers or peacocks, with a rare few people striking the balance in between. He hates great heights, and hates the fact that they’ve booked him on a plane instead of a train or a coach bus like they did when he started at Sisheng and their budget was tighter. He hates the small note that states that he and Mo Ran will share a car, share a speech, and have hotel rooms side by side.

Thank god Sisheng has money, and that they do not need to share a room. 

Chu Wanning should go. He needs to put himself aside for a moment, because this conference is important for Sisheng and important to the dear friend that runs this company, one of very few that Chu Wanning has. 

He needs to talk to Mo Ran. The most recent apology and request to talk came just in the past afternoon, and Chu Wanning had faithfully ignored it. The words are still imprinted into his brain like all the other apologies. 

The only problem is this— if Chu Wanning accepts the apology, he runs the risk of accidentally getting his hopes up over the stupid notion that Mo Ran may genuinely confess.  And more realistically, if he gets an apology, they may just simply fade into an awkward coworker relationship, then into nothingness if one of them goes away. 

That alone is a hard pill to swallow. Even though his feelings towards Mo Ran are complicated, part of him also dreads not having him in his life anymore, no matter how angry he is at him. There is no point in beating himself up over that, because he’s already tried to, and has found himself resisting.

But at the end of the day, none of that changes what needs to be done.

The opportunity for it comes suddenly, two days before their trip. Chu Wanning has been steadfast in ignoring Mo Ran till he figures out what to say, but one evening he’s standing on the subway platform, waiting in a dense crowd for the train going north. On the other side, the platform for the train going south is a little more sparse. He would normally be on that side, but he’s got an appointment with his doctor to get a prescription for something that’ll solve his flight anxiety.

Chu Wanning is waiting when he sees a small crowd of commuters descend the stairs onto the platform across from him. Amongst them, his eagle eyes catch a familiar face.

It has been a long time since he’s seen Mo Ran for more than just a fleeting second. At this distance, Chu Wanning can’t tell what Mo Ran looks like, but the man’s casual swagger has diminished. He’s in a black suit with his soft brown satchel, and would blend in with the rest of the salarymen if Chu Wanning wasn’t so attuned to his presence.

Chu Wanning feels a lump rising in his throat at the sight of Mo Ran. He waits for Mo Ran to see him, but Mo Ran does not look around. Instead, he marches over towards one of the wooden benches against the wall and slumps down, pulling out his phone to fiddle around with it. Mo Ran’s presence to everyone around him is innocuous but to Chu Wanning, there is no one else. 

You need to talk to him. 

Chu Wanning knows this. They have the conference soon, and leaving things unresolved to this extent will only make things worse. The only way Chu Wanning can get courage to finally talk to Mo Ran about this is if he compartmentalizes it as something he needs to do for work.

It may be a cold and clinical reason, but it falls in line with the personality he has cultivated at work.

There’s a gust of air as Chu Wanning’s train pulls in. The robotic voice happily announces that the southbound line is experiencing a slight delay, and the next train will be there in seven minutes instead of three. The view of Mo Ran gets distorted through the northbound train’s windows, and Chu Wanning watches as the doors slide open.

He’s about to get in, when he has second thoughts. Something compels him to step back and allow others on first; no one questions it, only too eager to get home. More people come down to the platform opposite, but Chu Wanning keeps his eyes on Mo Ran. 

Chu Wanning will never quite be able to say what compelled him in this moment— he slinks backwards into the crowd surging forward into the subway train, till the doors ding and slide shut. There’s still a healthy amount of people left on the platform, and he slides behind a few taller people before pulling out his phone.

His fingers do not shake as he dials, not like he thought they would. Chu Wanning has not accepted any sort of finality; when he raises his phone to his ear, he feels detached, like he’s watching the scene from a third person’s point of view. He peers through the crowd and sees as Mo Ran’s eyes go wide enough that it’s visible from a distance and he scrambles to pick up the phone.

“Hello?” Mo Ran says, almost breathless as he answers.

“Mo Ran,” Chu Wanning greets, working hard to ensure none of the roughness he feels is there in his tone. Mo Ran glances up from where he’s sitting and looks around, but Chu Wanning is too well hidden for him to spot.

“Wanning?” Mo Ran’s voice curls around his name in a way Chu Wanning knows he’ll need to work hard to forget.  “Wanning— how are you?”

“We have a conference coming up,” Chu Wanning states, cutting to the point abruptly. It’s the only way he can contain the rest of his feelings.“We’re speaking together.”

“I know,” Mo Ran replies hastily.“I know.” A pause, then, “Look …”

Mo Ran trails off, and Chu Wanning watches him. Despite the distance, Chu Wanning can still make out the shade of a contemplative look on Mo Ran’s face. This conversation will be undoubtedly uncomfortable, but Chu Wanning doesn’t want to leave too much room where he doesn’t need to.

“I received your apologies,” Chu Wanning says, brisk voice belying his nerves. “I accept them. You do not have to worry about it getting in the way of our presentation. I will begin preparing the material.”

Chu Wanning wishes Mo Ran’s figure wasn’t so indiscernible. There is silence, then, “...Wanning.”

“What?”

“I’m really sorry,” Mo Ran starts and Chu Wanning sighs.

“Mo Ran—” He interjects, but Mo Ran instantly volleys back.

“No, I need to tell you,” Mo Ran says, as if every word in his apology texts isn’t carved into Chu Wanning’s brain, as if Chu Wanning hasn’t played his voicemails over and over again in the privacy of his apartment, trying to figure out what part Mo Ran is honest about. “I’m so sorry, and I’m sorry you think that I despise you. Especially when I…”

Chu Wanning’s breath catches in his lungs, not daring to even exhale. He keeps a keen eye on where Mo Ran sits; the other man has his head hung between his shoulders, and two fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.  He looks up and even from this far away, Chu Wanning can sense the air of dishevelment. 

Mo Ran takes a deep breath on the other end of the line, and Chu Wanning’s spine stiffens. The space between them yawns wide open with the silence, and it makes Chu Wanning want to claw out of it. And for a brief moment, Chu Wanning feels a nervous butterfly in his stomach, a rare flicker of hope that dared to escape his control.

“I think you’re a genuinely good person, Chu Wanning,” Mo Ran says finally. “I don’t hate you. And I hope you don't hate me.”

Chu Wanning does not visibly deflate; all this time, he has not expected any more than this. Regardless of what his viewpoint is on Chu Wanning as a person, Mo Ran had only pretended to want him romantically for a bet. Any hint of physical desire Mo Ran had been shown can be written off as animal instinct, and any real kindness he has shown to Chu Wanning is simply a reflexive reaction to Chu Wanning easing his foot off Mo Ran’s neck.

He knows better than to expect more than that from Mo Ran. After all, if Mo Ran had genuinely liked him in that way, if he had developed feelings over the course of his charade, he wouldn’t have hid the truth for so long, would he?

Still, he cannot help but say, “Is that all?”

It is a bitter feeling to want more when you cannot have it. To want someone in a way you know is not reciprocated, to have a glimpse and a taste of them before things completely fall apart. That bitterness seeps deep into Chu Wanning’s being, and he moves away from the people he’s been hiding behind, just to get a clearer look at Mo Ran.

“This entire thing… I was being a fucking jerk,” Mo Ran says wearily, still not noticing the way Chu Wanning is walking down the length of the platform on the opposite side. “I was an asshole for not telling you sooner, and I was an asshole for taking any money to begin with.”

Stupidly, part of Chu Wanning wants Mo Ran to ask for a second chance. He has too thin a face to suggest it himself, and has mostly resolved that it is something that’ll never happen, but that want proves hard to get rid of.

“Most of all, I was wrong for not telling you the truth. You deserve a lot better than that. I know you have nothing but hate for me, but I wasn’t doing this to make fun of you. ”

“Really?” Chu Wanning scoffs, inwardly relieved that Mo Ran’s given him something to latch on to and turn the conversation around. “Then what would you call that… that bet of yours?”

“Me being stupid,” Mo Ran says dryly. “Wanning, you know that I am. You’ve told me so many times.”

“But I’ve never meant it,” Chu Wanning replies honestly, and Mo Ran sighs on the other end of the line. And perhaps I owe you an apology too. He tries to say that to Mo Ran as well, but the words are trapped under his tongue, unwilling to come out.

Perhaps if he apologized earlier, before he got promoted, Mo Ran wouldn’t have tried his best to avoid him. Perhaps if Chu Wanning had reeled in both his temper and his fear at his crush being discovered, Mo Ran wouldn’t have had such strong feelings against him, strong enough to do something like this.

“Wanning …”

“Allow me this, Mo Ran,” Chu Wanning says, not brave enough to provide his own apology. He eyes the screen that tells him he has two and a half more minutes till his train comes. It does not feel like enough.

No part of this conversation feels like enough. Chu Wanning reaches near the end of the platform, where the crowd is less dense and he’s able to step to the front of the platform, right where the safety line is. 

“Can we be friends at least?” Mo Ran says, and something flares within Chu Wanning. 

Friends. He should be happy that Mo Ran hasn’t told him it would be understandable if Chu Wanning never spoke to him again. He should be happy that Mo Ran does not want to avoid him for the rest of their lives out of awkwardness, and he should be happy that Mo Ran seems to mean his apology.

But friends is a middle-ground that Chu Wanning doesn’t know if he can meet yet. Friends is what they had become, yes, but friends means staying in each other’s orbit in a way that will ensure Chu Wanning will never truly let go of his yearning.

Not, he knows very well, that he will be able to easily do so now either. But if Mo Ran draws this strictly platonic line, while the memory of his touch is branded against Chu Wanning’s skin...

“I’ve already accepted your apology, Mo Ran,” Chu Wanning responds. “You and I both know we don’t run in the same circles.”

He winces at his inadvertently rude words, and knows that given precedent, Mo Ran won’t understand that Chu Wanning means that Mo Ran is more exuberant, meets more interesting people, while Chu Wanning is just… Chu Wanning. Mo Ran, however, doesn’t seem to be bothered.

“Fair,” His voice though, is heavy with resignation. “You do deserve a lot more than just a jackass like me.”

“Don’t call yourself that,” Chu Wanning admonishes quickly. The television hanging over the platform tells him that he has thirty seconds left till his train comes. Hastily, wanting to end the awkwardness, Chu Wanning says, “And we do not need to speak of what happened ever again. Any of it.”

Mo Ran is silent. His mouth parts, but he says nothing.

“Shut your mouth otherwise you’re going to catch flies,” Chu Wanning’s voice comes out more glum than firm, but Mo Ran’s head immediately snaps up.

“How did you—” The robotic voice announces that the southbound train will be delayed by another five minutes. It echoes both above Chu Wanning’s head, and through the phone, and Mo Ran immediately stands up. “Wanning?”

Mo Ran looks frantically around, and Chu Wanning continues to watch as he seeks him out. Finally, Mo Ran scans the platform across, and sees Chu Wanning standing at the end. Mo Ran murmurs something that sounds vaguely like his name as their gazes finally lock.

There is a rumbling in the distance, and Chu Wanning’s heart squeezes hard. The fissures in it have deepened and though he has accepted Mo Ran’s apology, Chu Wanning’s emotions still feel heavily unresolved. There is a gust of wind as the train pulls into the station, and Mo Ran has not disconnected yet. Neither has Chu Wanning. He steps into the train, and peers out from the window at Mo Ran.

They’ve merely stuck tape over something badly broken, and Chu Wanning doesn’t know if it is enough. It will need to be, just for them to get through the conference in one piece. If anything, this should at least allow them to be able to look at each other, and work alongside each other, even if nothing is fully repaired.

Vaguely, Chu Wanning wonders if things were better before this whole thing, when Mo Ran’s feelings for him were more clear cut, even if they were decidedly negative.

“I’ll see you at the airport, Mo Ran,” Chu Wanning says, still feeling very adrift,  and disconnects the phone just as the train pulls out of the platform.

Chapter Text

It is no surprise that it is uncomfortable to have to share a flight, a car, and an elevator up a stately hotel with Mo Ran. They get nothing prepared for the presentation on the journey there, despite the weight of its importance. 

Mo Ran had very tentatively suggested on the flight there that they make use of the time traveling to get started on their work, but he had taken one glimpse of Chu Wanning white-knuckling his armrest and wisely chose to remain quiet afterwards. At least Chu Wanning’s anxiety over flying was strong enough, even through the medication, for him to not be hyper-aware of the fact that Mo Ran was seated beside him, looking as straight-backed and miserable as Chu Wanning.

It is one thing to have a conversation over the phone; being in each other’s presence is both awkward and painful to a degree that Chu Wanning can feel in his teeth. Whatever has been said between them hasn’t been enough but Chu Wanning prays that Mo Ran doesn’t bring it up again. It’s one of the many reasons he’s dreading the close proximity.

That and the fact that part of him does want Mo Ran to bring it up again, wants Mo Ran to turn it inside out and insist that they talk about it more. However, all of that would mean an unpleasant revisit into what happened and for now, Chu Wanning would rather compartmentalize it and push it to the back of his head.

Mo Ran looks as tired as Chu Wanning feels, dark circles under his eyes and a small nick on his jaw from where his razor must have slipped up in the morning. Chu Wanning tries not to openly stare, but after not having seen Mo Ran for a couple of weeks, he can’t help but slide his gaze over every now and then.

He doesn’t do it too often. Chu Wanning has already decided he’ll slip back into his role of cold, impassive mentor at this conference with Mo Ran, keeping up a wall between them for his own sake.

Annoyingly, it’s put to the test too soon. They’re waiting for the elevators, each standing in a separate line, when someone calls out both his and Mo Ran’s name. Wearily, Chu Wanning turns on the person with an impassive face as Mo Ran puts up a cheerful expression in greeting. It’s a director from one of their affiliated companies who insists they join him for lunch in an hour if they don’t have plans already.

Chu Wanning’s about to open his mouth and decline, politely if he can muster up the energy for it, but Mo Ran interjects before he can say anything and accepts the invitation for the both of them. He matches the other director’s gusto word for word and much to Chu Wanning’s displeasure, the man’s here to catch an elevator too, and steps in with both of them. He and Mo Ran idly chatter, and it is a relief when the elevator reaches his floor.

As soon as the man steps out, Mo Ran’s sunny disposition falls away as fast as it came. He sighs and leans back at the elevator, and waits for a moment before saying, “Since we both have a busy schedule this week, we should probably work on our presentation after lunch.”

Chu Wanning’s about to chide Mo Ran instead for accepting that man’s invitation, but he already knows what Mo Ran would say; that they cannot turn down a luncheon with someone important, even if it’s someone like Mr. Ma.

“Alright,” Chu Wanning says instead, and nothing else afterwards. He does not look again at Mo Ran, not even when they’re going to their respective hotel rooms and Mo Ran bids him goodbye.

He doesn’t bother unpacking; everything will be a strewn mess by the end of the week anyways, only to get crumpled into balls and thrown back in the suitcase. Mechanically, he showers and changes into a fresh set of clothes. Chu Wanning looks at himself in the mirror, examining the flat line his lips are pressed into. Every day his countenance grows sterner, the mask he wears hardening again. 

All of this will be the running theme of the week ahead, and he knows he’ll have to actively work towards making sure he’s shuttered himself off. He starts by answering a flurry of emails until he catches the time and realizes he needs to leave soon.

There’s a sharp knock on the door  shortly after and Mo Ran is waiting for him outside. Chu Wanning’s about to ignore him when he remembers that they’re supposed to be doing this thing together, so he opens the door with nothing but a “Wait here” while he finishes putting on his shoes. 

He does not speak to Mo Ran as they go downstairs, and Mo Ran thankfully does not make any small talk. Mo Ran’s personality changes smoothly into a friendly one when they meet Mr. Ma at the restaurant on the main floor of the hotel and Chu Wanning, for his part, can just keep being himself.

One of the hidden advantages, he supposes, of never pretending to be nice to network.

Chu Wanning spends a significant amount of the lunch staring down a hole in Mo Ran’s head, only looking away to speak. Mo Ran, in turn, glances at Chu Wanning when he’s not looking. Mr. Ma remains clueless, and asks instead about the marketing firm Sisheng recently hired, and if they take referral discounts. The conversation is thankfully banal, and Chu Wanning even makes a promise to meet with Mr. Ma when they return home. The whole thing could be considered soporific if not for the fact that Chu Wanning still itches under his skin, wondering how he’s going to make it through working with Mo Ran alone on the presentation.

The answer is not something he can come to today, so after their lunch, when Mo Ran trails behind him back to their rooms, Chu Wanning turns on his heel and levels Mo Ran with a look he hopes is calm and collected.

“I need to change our plans,” Chu Wanning says. “There are a few other things I need to prepare for, so we’ll have to postpone working on our talk.”

It’s not a complete lie. His secretary has sent over his schedule, and he still has a few reports he hadn’t finished before he left. Chu Wanning might as well clear all of it out of the way now.

Mo Ran pauses in the middle of the hall and frowns. “We do need to get this presentation done.”

“We will,” Chu Wanning says and gives his door a sidelong look. “Tomorrow. I am sure that you too have other work to get completed.”

Mo Ran presses his lips into a thin line, and he looks like he’s on the verge of saying something. Perhaps to insist that they work now, so that they do not fall behind. A pregnant pause passes between them. Chu Wanning manages to tap his keycard on his door and open it before Mo Ran finally speaks.

“Are you going to have dinner downstairs tonight?” Mo Ran asks as Chu Wanning steps in. “I heard the buffet here is not bad.”

Chu Wanning pauses in the doorway for a second, but does not allow himself any longer than that.

“I’ll order room service,” Chu Wanning says. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mo Ran.”

With that, he closes the door in Mo Ran’s face.

Mo Ran’s not an idiot.

Hearing Chu Wanning’s voice at the subway station had brought him a rush of relief. In the moment, he clung onto every single thing Chu Wanning had said. But as soon as the train had taken him away, clarity had sobered Mo Ran up.

Chu Wanning did not genuinely accept his apology. Mo Ran can glean that much. However, he takes some positivity where he can; there is a line left open for communication, as thin and fragile as it may be. Mo Ran simply needs to be on his best behaviour and prove to Chu Wanning that he is truly, genuinely sorry that he hurt him.

Yes, Chu Wanning says that they do not have to talk about any of it again. Mo Ran doesn’t want to strongarm Chu Wanning into revisiting his humiliation over and over again. But Mo Ran does want Chu Wanning to know at least that what he says is what he means, and he is incredibly honest about his feelings. 

He wasn’t able to do that when Chu Wanning kept cutting off his attempt to delve deeper into his apology, and Mo Ran has been mulling over how best to have a sincere conversation with him. The man spooks easily, so Mo Ran has to find another way to prove that he’s both sorry and that he cares deeply for Chu Wanning, in ways he can’t even begin to quantify, while balancing the fact that the two of them are going to be just really fucking busy this week.

The first day of the conference involves a heavy amount of networking and filling in their spare time during the day with meetings. As representatives of Sisheng, Mo Ran and Chu Wanning have to make the rounds together. 

It reminds Mo Ran of how things were when he started, tailing everywhere behind Chu Wanning at conventions and conferences. However this time, he’s got seniority and isn’t a lackey. When he fields people, it’s less like an assistant and more like a talkative colleague who makes up for the look of elegant disdain that Chu Wanning wears at all times. 

Chu Wanning for his part, uses his words sparingly. When Mo Ran was new, he thought it was aloofness; now, he knows it’s simply one of Chu Wanning’s tactics to establish his place and the value of his time. 

All of this takes a back seat to Mo Ran trying to maintain concentration without paying too much attention to the buzzing knowledge that at any given point, Chu Wanning is no more than three feet away at him, whether at their shared table during the morning reception speech, mingling in the crowd, or conveniently running in to a connection they’ve been meaning to get a hold of. The two of them are thankfully too busy for Mo Ran to really latch on to the close proximity, but Chu Wanning’s presence is a magnetic field.

Mo Ran manages to accumulate enough business cards to make a deck, and gives out a total of three. By the time the morning event has wrapped up, Mo Ran finds a steel fold out chair by the now-empty drinks table, and slumps down. He has been running low on social energy recently, and it is taking a lot out of him to be putting on the front of a savvy businessman when he’s actually just a pathetic, moping guy who now spends all of his evenings balefully staring out his apartment window while nursing a beer.

Thankfully, none of the people trickling out of the giant hotel convention room have noticed him sitting at a table and rubbing his temples with one hand while checking his email with another. He lost sight of Chu Wanning five minutes ago, but he supposes that might have been intentional, Chu Wanning already sensing the lull in their time and not wanting to be around Mo Ran.

He scans the room, unable to find Chu Wanning at first. They need to get some lunch and if it’s not attached to a meeting, Chu Wanning will most likely forget to eat. 

Mo Ran can’t find him immediately, and frowns.

He’s stared a lot at Chu Wanning over the course of the morning. Mo Ran’s ashamed to say it, but he can’t deny it either. In a way, he’s glad that Chu Wanning iced out the idea of working on their presentation last night, because Mo Ran was nowhere near prepared to be alone in a small space with him. He’s at least had an evening under his belt of telling his reflection in the mirror to get it together.

Chu Wanning proves hard to locate at first glance. Mo Ran had told him he was getting a drink, and had offered him one. Chu Wanning made a sound of indifference, something he’s been using with increasing frequency around Mo Ran. 

Eventually Mo Ran finds him in the distance, standing beside a poster with a handful of other men in charcoal suits. Chu Wanning has as cold and unfriendly an expression on his face as ever, but his current audience doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, one of them even seems to be laughing, a tall and slender man in a dark suit that kind of looks like Shi Mei at this distance. There is an exchange of cards, and Mo Ran narrows his eyes.

Something ugly turns within Mo Ran. 

He knows he shouldn’t be feeling that way; after all, what claim did he have over Chu Wanning’s time? And anyways, this is an entirely professional setting. Xue Zhengyong has long lectured about the importance of networking, which is the only thing that’s happening right now.

Mo Ran is at too far a distance to properly say he sees intent in the eyes of one of the men but he senses it anyways. His fingers curl against his thigh, and he tries to distract himself by going back to his emails. He glances up every thirty seconds or so, and Chu Wanning never looks in his direction.

Eventually, the men disperse, and Chu Wanning too starts heading towards the exit. Mo Ran hauls himself upwards and within seconds, strides across the hall so that he intercepts Chu Wanning before anyone else can.

“Shall we get some lunch?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning just casts him a sidelong glance before giving him a brief nod. The men Chu Wanning had been talking to have scattered completely; when they spill out into the hall, it is jam-packed, delaying their exit as a few familiar faces stop them to say hi.

Eventually, Mo Ran drags them to a small cafe across from the hotel, where the overflow of people have started to migrate already. Chu Wanning doesn’t quite look him in the eye yet, but he also doesn’t protest when Mo Ran orders them both some hefty sandwiches and drinks, Chu Wanning’s so sugary that it makes him slightly nauseous putting in the order. 

They eat in ungainly silence to begin with, people milling about them. Mo Ran surreptitiously watches Chu Wanning for the first few minutes, while Chu Wanning drills a hole into the table with his stare, quite similar to the one he drilled into Mo Ran’s head the other day. 

Perhaps lunch wasn’t the best idea, if they are going to just sit and eat in silence. The two of them have been on autopilot all morning but in this quiet moment together, the lack of conversation leaves too much space for an acute awareness of what’s between them.

Mo Ran tries to talk. The moment he utters his first syllable, Chu Wanning’s gaze snaps up to him, angry in its challenge. Instead of making him reticent, it makes Mo Ran want to push further immediately; however, Mo Ran can’t keep playing this on his terms. 

And anyways, the two of them need to make it at least to the dinner hosted by Guyueye this evening. In between, their paths will diverge but Mo Ran forcefully reminds himself that there’s no point leaving the two of them in a disarray so early in the week. 

So instead of asking Chu Wanning if they can talk, he simply says, “Do you think we can work on the presentation tonight?”

“We have the opening gala,” Chu Wanning points out. 

“Afterwards?” Mo Ran asks hopefully, even though he knows that afterwards would be too late. The galas and parties and events run long; the people who run this conference love to fatten up the businessmen they invite, like farm animals. 

Chu Wanning makes a non-committal sound, one that doesn’t entirely sound like it’s leaning towards a no. Something else has been nagging at the back of Mo Ran’s brain and for the lack of anything better to say, he comments, “Did you make some new friends at this morning’s conference?”

It is a benign question, but he wonders if Chu Wanning can sense the undercurrent to his words. Chu Wanning’s eyebrows pinch in Mo Ran’s direction, but before he can reply, an alarm goes off on Chu Wanning’s phone. A reminder for a meeting.

“I suppose I did,” Chu Wanning says faintly, and in a blink of an eye, he’s packed up and left, leaving Mo Ran sitting alone in the cafe, staring at the empty seat where Chu Wanning had been just moments ago.

The topic remains on Mo Ran’s mind for the rest of the day, as he weaves through his own engagements, running a balancing act between acting like he cares and having his mind drift off often. The hair on the back of his neck prickles as he thinks about Chu Wanning being in close proximity in the hotel building, mere walls separating them. It makes him restless, makes him itch to seek Chu Wanning out.

Boundaries, Mo Ran has to remind himself repeatedly. Chu Wanning has set up boundaries, understandably so, and Mo Ran has to weigh showing his sincerity against potentially enraging Chu Wanning to the point of no return. Again. 

Chu Wanning is at least talking to him now, which is more than he can ask for.However, that reasoning only lasts him so long. 

By the time the early evening rolls around Mo Ran finds himself knocking on Chu Wanning’s door, wanting to see if he’s ready to go. The answer is yes; he opens the door in a neat, deep navy suit that has Mo Ran’s chest tightening in a primal way. It makes his mouth a little dry too, and he tries to mentally slap himself. Given their precarious position, the last thing he needs to do is study the narrowness of Chu Wanning’s waist with the knowledge of how well his hands fit around it.

Chu Wanning’s gaze drops down for a moment before immediately pulling up, as if embarrassed. He clears his throat and pushes past Mo Ran, marching rigidly towards the elevators and Mo Ran adjusts the lapels of his own charcoal suit. 

“You look nice,” Mo Ran says as Chu Wanning folds his hands behind his back and stares at the elevator door. 

Chu Wanning’s nostrils flare for a moment as he exhales, before he says quietly, “You too.”

“Well, I can't really afford to embarrass Sisheng, can I?” Mo Ran tries to joke lightly, but the corners of Chu Wanning’s mouth simply tightens. There are no more words between them as they wait for the elevator, just a growing tension.

The gala is not held at the hotel; that would be too convenient. Instead, Jiang Xi has rented a more ornate hall a ten minute drive away, probably at the request of the organizers to maintain the goodwill of the hotel that they’ve accosted for the conference for the remainder of the week. Mo Ran’s already called a car ahead of time for the two of them and by the time they’ve stepped out into the cool night air, it has already arrived.

In the back seat of the black sedan, they’re both incredibly close and incredibly far in proximity. Mo Ran keeps stealing glances at Chu Wanning, while Chu Wanning stares resolutely out the window. 

Mo Ran hasn’t had the chance to properly look at Chu Wanning in what feels like an eternity, even though he has gone a lot longer without. Seeing him across the platform in the subway station had made him feel like his stomach dropped out; Chu Wanning had seen right through him, had seen all the ugliness within him. And Mo Ran, in turn, got a fleeting glimpse of what he had been so badly missing.

The passing city lights outline the sharp silhouette of Chu Wanning’s face in all its ethereality, and with each second they spend in the car, the more unbearable it becomes for Mo Ran.

He breaks. But to his credit, he still manages to broach the topic delicately.

“Wanning,” he murmurs, quiet enough that it would be reasonable if Chu Wanning didn’t hear. But Chu Wanning does, and he turns his head towards Mo Ran by only a fraction. “We should talk.”

“About what?” Chu Wanning asks, voice tight. Mo Ran clears his throat lightly.

“I need to say something,” he starts, but Chu Wanning immediately cuts him off. It’s not surprising.

“I told you we do not have to speak of it anymore,” Chu Wanning says curtly, turning his sharp gaze towards Mo Ran. Even in the low light, those phoenix eyes core him.

“I know,” Mo Ran insists. “But there’s something I need to tell you—”

“If you’re going to say it,” Chu Wanning says coolly. “Then you can get lost.”

The wall is up, and Chu Wanning has made it clear that he is on guard. Mo Ran isn’t allowed in. 

He wants to argue for a moment; hell, he fully has the capability of talking over Chu Wanning if he wants to. They’re trapped in the same car for another five minutes, and nothing is stopping him from saying his piece. But Mo Ran can’t center himself that much in this conversation. 

Treading irresponsibly is what got him in such deep shit to begin with, and he’s not quite wanting to find out how much further he can sink.

So instead, he sighs out of his nose and says in as light a voice as he can manage, “I can’t get lost, Wanning. We have a dinner to go to.”

He drops the topic after that, staring out the window and aimlessly watching the crawling traffic for the rest of the drive. The two of them manage to put on a deceptive enough façade at the dinner, or so Mo Ran would like to think. Chu Wanning’s expression is naturally impenetrable and his speech famously taciturn in the presence of others, so he does not have to act much differently.

Mo Ran manages to be personable as always, but his attention always wants to draw back to Chu Wanning. They’re seated beside each other at a rounded table, meaning Chu Wanning is always there in his peripheral vision. Mo Ran is acutely aware of his presence the entire time, and works hard not to fall into forlorn staring every time he sneaks a glance towards Chu Wanning in between pretending that the jokes other people are telling at the table are funny.

Maybe he fails a few times here or there. Chu Wanning cuts a figure that always commands attention one way or another and it can be hard to look away. Chu Wanning does not look at him once; if he has, it has escaped Mo Ran’s notice. Even during the odd time he speaks, often in response, he keeps his eyes directed at that person, before redirecting it to the food or aimlessly towards the opera singer that has been brought in for entertainment.

The dinner moves slowly, and Mo Ran is glad to see the end of it. He amicably turns out offers for going out for drinks, effortlessly lying about having to wake up extremely early to speak with a potential overseas client. It is a good enough excuse, one that he rounds out with a promise that he will join them next time and yes, he can try and convince the formidable Director Chu to come along with him but no, he cannot make any guarantees. 

They share a car back without a word, and when Mo Ran asks Chu Wanning about starting their presentation, Chu Wanning says, “Tomorrow.”

Offering no further explanation, he closes the door on Mo Ran’s face. It’s fine— it’s late anyways, and Mo Ran is tired from both the physical and social expenditure of the day. So instead, he goes back to his own hotel room where he mechanically gets ready for bed and spends the rest of his awake hours staring at the ceiling, wondering if it would have been easier to go out after the gala with the others, just so that he would have a distraction. 

He wonders too, what Chu Wanning is doing on the other side of their shared wall. Maybe cursing Mo Ran’s name, or secretly working on their speech by himself. Mo Ran’s mind dangerously teeters towards a reality where he was honest from the get go. Perhaps they would be sharing a hotel bed instead, cocooned in the soft sheets together, feeding off each other’s warmth. 

Mo Ran scoffs at that saccharine thought and rolls over onto his side, so that the textured ceiling no longer inspires any half baked daydreams— he should be lucky if Chu Wanning even properly looks his way. 

Unsurprisingly, on the second day Chu Wanning steers clear of Mo Ran for most of the morning. 

Mo Ran texts him and asks him if he wants to meet up during breakfast to work on their presentation, and he gets no reply. He follows it up with a “I promise I’ll only talk about the presentation” but it remains a fruitless venture. Mo Ran catches a fleeting glance at Chu Wanning across the hotel lobby, but Chu Wanning disappears into the milling morning crowd. Mo Ran holds on to that image for the entirety of an incredibly boring panel he has to attend on innovation in the industry.

They don’t have anything scheduled together till the afternoon so Mo Ran goes through the motions of sitting through the panel, continuing to socialize and pretending he wants to be here, and accepting an invitation to lunch with an executive who is so ancient that Mo Ran wonders if they simply didn’t just confuse Mo Ran for one of their great-great-grandchildren instead.

During their afternoon event, Mo Ran reaches ten minutes late, held up by lunch. It is in full swing already, and he scans the rows of chairs to find Chu Wanning. He sees him sitting at an end seat, somewhere in the middle rows, but there are no free seats around him. Mo Ran has to take one of the few empty seats at the back, and silently hopes that when he has to sit on a panel himself tomorrow afternoon, people aren’t going to be so evidently glassy-eyed with boredom. 

His gaze drifts. He doesn’t notice that throughout the entirety of the event, it barely shifts from watching where Chu Wanning sits.

When the talk is over, Mo Ran finds that he is not the only one seeking out Chu Wanning. It’s a given, since Chu Wanning has not only made strides at Sisheng but has regularly been courted by other companies given his skill and intelligence. His prickliness is entertaining to those who want to use his brain to expand their portfolio, and when he started at Sisheng, Mo Ran had watched in awe as others had seemed to want to voluntarily be subject to Chu Wanning’s dry and acerbic words.

Now he knows better, of course. By the time Mo Ran is within a few feet of Chu Wanning, Chu Wanning has already amassed a small group of people around him. There’s a funny twinge in his chest as he sees the same man from yesterday stand close to Chu Wanning— the man that looks like Shi Mei, if Shi Mei was half an inch taller and a degree less kinder in his countenance.The sight of the man makes the back of Mo Ran’s throat feel sour, so he marches forward with determination.

Sliding into the middle of a conversation like he’s always belonged there is not particularly a difficult task for Mo Ran. He does so effortlessly, nodding towards Chu Wanning and giving an amicable smile to everyone else within the group. They’re more than happy to fold Mo Ran into the conversation, and Mo Ran rides that wave for a few minutes, collecting another couple of business cards on behalf of Chu Wanning.

“Old habits die hard,” Mo Ran grins towards Chu Wanning, the smile not quite reaching his eyes and Chu Wanning simply scoffs lightly and looks away. After others disperse, the tall man — who introduces himself to Mo Ran as a representative from Guyueye — seems to want to linger around Chu Wanning. Mo Ran clears his throat, and tells Chu Wanning, “Shall we leave? We shouldn’t run too late for our meeting with Bitan.”

It’s a meeting that, if they left in ten minutes, they’d still be half an hour early. Chu Wanning knows this, and he narrows his eyes in Mo Ran’s direction. Mo Ran thinks he’s going to get rejected for a moment, but then Chu Wanning gives a curt nod towards the other man standing with them. Relieved, Mo Ran tails Chu Wanning out of the conference room, then realizes he doesn’t have an excuse for why he dragged them out early.

He starts to rack his brain as Chu Wanning looks at him expectantly, and tries to fend him off momentarily with a, “Looks like you’ve made some new friends.”

“The point of these conferences is to meet people,” Chu Wanning says, rolling his eyes. “You should know. Everyone here is important.”

Chu Wanning is right, of course. He’s simply networking. It is not his fault that Mo Ran’s immediate reaction to seeing someone handsome attach themselves to Chu Wanning is jealousy; Mo Ran’s emotions have been running high, and he is prone to foolishness with no basis. Or at least, that’s what he tries to tell himself as he walks them out of the hotel and down a couple of blocks, till they’re turning into a loud and boisterous alley.

Thankfully Mo Ran’s assumption has paid off, though it wasn’t a hard one to make to begin with; Chu Wanning has skipped out on lunch, so his complaints when Mo Ran takes them to a stall selling roujiamo are minimal. It does not thaw out Chu Wanning’s coldness towards Mo Ran though, and as they head back for their meeting, Mo Ran realizes that Chu Wanning is increasingly putting more distance between them.

It becomes more evident as they take their seats in the tiny meeting room they’ve booked, and Chu Wanning sits across the length of the table from Mo Ran instead of across the width of it, so far away that Li Wuxin and his lackeys cast a somewhat quizzical look towards the both of them. 

Mo Ran has years of experience holding his head up while Chu Wanning expresses clear distaste, so he acts like this is normal, and that they simply are doing this so that no one from Bitan’s team is left unattended. It does not annoy Mo Ran or hurt his pride as much as it serves as a reminder that despite what Chu Wanning says, they have not moved past what occurred. 

After the meeting, after they see Li Wuxin and his people out, Mo Ran turns on Chu Wanning. They’re alone in the empty conference room, and neither of them have anywhere to be. It’s the only thing Mo Ran has been thinking about for the last ten minutes of the meeting, using the excuse of talking about Sisheng’s plans to openly look at Chu Wanning.

“Wanning,” Mo Ran starts, and Chu Wanning’s shoulders stiffen. Reflexively, Mo Ran follows it up with a, “Director Chu.”

Chu Wanning doesn’t run away immediately. Not that Mo Ran would fault him if he did. Chu Wanning gives him a waiting look and Mo Ran’s buzzing brain comes to a screeching halt. Not a fraction of what he wants to say makes it out of his mouth. 

“That old man Ma invited us out for dinner again,” Mo Ran says lamely instead. It’s true— Mo Ran and Chu Wanning had both received the invitation, apparently so that the man can introduce them to a distributor. “What time would you want to leave?”

Chu Wanning is as imperceptible as ever. Silence passes between them for a painful three seconds — an occurrence that is unfortunately growing more and more common — before Chu Wanning gives his answer.

“I’m not feeling well,” he says, and Mo Ran frowns. “I’m going to go back to my room.”

" You’re not feeling well?” Mo Ran repeats back and Chu Wanning nods slowly. “What happened? Is it a cold?”

“A headache,” Chu Wanning replies concisely. “It… has been there all day. I do not think I will be able to make it through to dinner.”

Mo Ran’s about to write it off as a lie, but he corrects course instantly. He’s not in a position to not give Chu Wanning the benefit of the doubt. It would also be an optimistic explanation for his attitude today, though Mo Ran’s not stupid enough to write off Chu Wanning interacting with everyone but him as a headache. 

Well, he doesn’t doubt that him being there is the root cause of it. Fuck. Mo Ran refocuses on what’s importantly.

“Anything I can do to help?” Mo Ran asks gently, and Chu Wanning parts his mouth. But no sound comes out, and Mo Ran can see him visibly rethink his words.

“No,” is the response instead. Chu Wanning himself seems to wince at the abruptness of it, so he continues, his words stilted. “I’ll go lie down. I’ll get the initial parameters for our presentation started as well, and we can go over it… tomorrow.” After another beat, Chu Wanning also awkwardly adds, “You will do fine with Mr. Ma. He likes you.”

That’s not exactly what Mo Ran is worried about, but he nods nonetheless. Chu Wanning returns the gesture with a tip of his chin and just like that, he’s gone again. Yet again, Mo Ran wants to chase him. Yet again, Mo Ran is wary of scaring Chu Wanning off.

Mo Ran sighs out his nose, loud enough that it fills the small room, but an idea has already started to percolate.

Chu Wanning isn’t exactly proud of himself. It’s not because of the conference— there, he’s commanding the same amount of presence he’s always done, if not more. It is not out of conceit that he says this, but knowledge. 

It’s because he’s purposefully running away, instead of keeping his head held high like he told himself he would.

If he was a better man, he would have carried on like normal, even when they weren’t working. Chu Wanning is an adult that can maintain a professional conversation with anyone, even someone who he’s tangled up over, but he’s not strong enough to sit and idly chat with Mo Ran during a lunch, or spend an hour sitting beside him in a dark room while someone drones at a podium.

Everything still feels raw, and being in Mo Ran’s presence for a prolonged time isn’t something that’ll do him good, Chu Wanning thinks. He realized it morsoe this morning, after the image of Mo Ran, tall and sure and handsome in his deep charcoal suit, had been burned into the back of his eyelids, and had been the first thought he woke up to.

And… the way Mo Ran gazes at him is heavy at times in a way that Chu Wanning cannot parse, and perhaps cannot bear.

The ache in his chest has dulled fractionally, but Chu Wanning doesn’t want to explore if it’s because he’s started the process of getting over Mo Ran, or if he still thinks of him as his. Because during the most tedious of meetings, quiet moments waiting for an elevator, or in the depths of the night when he can’t sleep, knowing Mo Ran is on the other side of the wall, Chu Wanning’s mind automatically drifts towards thoughts of the man, the feeling of his hands against Chu Wanning, the sound of his laugh, and the encompassing way that he kissed.

Perhaps it is a product of remaining untouched for so long, that he misses Mo Ran’s touch. But Chu Wanning also finds himself thinking of the dry jokes they had shared, Mo Ran’s surprisingly abundant plethora of inane facts, the way Mo Ran seems to have memorized his tastes. He no longer questions what was genuine and what was not, sheerly to guard his heart from the answer.

He didn’t completely lie to Mo Ran earlier about not feeling well. Chu Wanning does have a headache. 

It is perhaps not a headache bad enough to warrant not going out, given that he’s worked through much worse. But he does not want to sit around people who want to loudly proclaim they have the next grand idea or next best proposition, or anything to get Sisheng in their pocket. He also doesn’t want to spend more time in Mo Ran’s vicinity; the man still ignites a burning sensation within Chu Wanning that makes him simultaneously want to draw close and run away.

So Chu Wanning instead keeps to his word and sets to prepare the framework for the closing speech they need to give together. He kicks off his shoes, leaves his suit jacket on the nearest horizontal surface, and sits down with his laptop on the small cushioned chair beside the window in his hotel room. He thinks, for a moment, to either call the concierge or make a trip down to a local pharmacy to get some painkillers, but decides against it, choosing to start instead on his work.

The actual flesh of the speech, the things that will make it interesting, will all be laid out by Mo Ran. He has a more engaging and exciting way with words, while Chu Wanning is more blunt and direct. Mo Ran will know how to balance it; Chu Wanning just has to set the foundations for what they will talk about.

Yet the more he stares at the yawning emptiness of his laptop screen, the more Chu Wanning wants to put his head in his hands. Yes, Mo Ran is more creative with words and the two of them are professional enough that the spotlight on the stage won’t reveal to an audience of essential strangers that the two have a quagmire of emotions trapped between them.

Chu Wanning is acutely aware of the attention he gets in the professional limelight, and is not a trembling, nervous wreck. However, that is the speech. The days leading up, where he will inevitably have to see Mo Ran in person, in close quarters, to work on their talk is what makes Chu Wanning nervous. He cannot run away from Mo Ran forever, not unless he were to leave Sisheng. But that crosses a line, even for himself.

So instead, Chu Wanning tries to find a different leaping point for the speech. It’s dry work, and not particularly helping his headache, especially when he can’t seem to draw on his natural ability to string together intelligent words. Soon, the walls of words he’s drawn up and icons on the screen start to blur, and Chu Wanning does not notice that he drifts off till a sharp knock on the door wakes him up.

He startles awake, catching his laptop right before it can slide off his lap and meet an untimely end. He blinks and a few seconds later, there’s another knock on the door. Chu Wanning is still drowsy, so he does not go through the motions of debating whether he should just ignore it. Instead, he’s automatically rising to his feet without thinking and drifting towards the sound.

Chu Wanning opens the door to see Mo Ran standing there, balancing a medium-sized silver tray in one hand as his other one remains curled mid-air. The sight of him immediately wakes Chu Wanning up the rest of the way. For a moment, he wonders if he’s still sprawled on the chair, dreaming.

They stare at each other for an awkward moment, before Chu Wanning says a clipped, “Yes?”

“Are you feeling better?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning makes a non-committal sound. Mo Ran holds up the tray. “I brought something for you.”

Chu Wanning eyes the tray groggily. A faint, yet delicious smell wafts out from its direction, and despite the fact that he’s actually kept himself properly fed today, Chu Wanning still feels his stomach rumble. He wants to turn Mo Ran away, but finds himself stepping backwards instead, giving Mo Ran space.

Act the way you always do, Chu Wanning tells himself, justifying his decision to let Mo Ran in. It’s cold enough to scare him off on its own.

He manages to keep the trepidation he’s been feeling for the past couple of days at bay. Surprisingly, not as hard a task as he thought, but that may just be his exhaustion.

It’s not like Mo Ran will want to hang around for long anyways. Mo Ran looks around for a surface that doesn’t have paper or clothes scattered on it, and Chu Wanning feels some shame at Mo Ran seeing how quickly he can drop a room into a state of disarray. He finally settles on the small coffee table beside the couch, carefully placing the tray down and moving the lamp so that the silver does not jut out too much.

“I tried ordering room service but their menu options were garbage,” Mo Ran says. “Don’t tell anyone, but the smaller kitchen was pretty easy to sneak into.”

Chu Wanning casts him a dubious look, which Mo Ran returns with a faint smile. They stand there in silence for another few moments, before Mo Ran stiltedly jokes, “And hey, you’ve yet to properly try the food I’ve cooked.”

That sends heat straight to Chu Wanning’s cheeks; he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, and if his blush had been visible, he would kick Mo Ran out in embarrassment without a second thought.

Mo Ran uncovers the tray, and the spread is simple but abundant. Steaming, plain white rice with a healthily sized mixed bowl of tofu and vegetables beside it, a light looking broth and a bowl of fruit. All seemingly bland foods that smell light but incredible. It looks like a rather lot for one person, but Chu Wanning does not mind a break from the richer foods he’s been eating during the conference.

“I couldn’t steal any meat or fish from the kitchen otherwise they would have thrown me out,” Mo Ran scratches the side of his head sheepishly and Chu Wanning hums and doesn’t move much for a few seconds. 

Mo Ran stands like he’s suddenly realizing he’s placed himself in a rather embarrassing situation. Chu Wanning wonders if he should dismiss him, just to save them both face. But then Mo Ran clears his throat and says, “And if you’re feeling better, maybe we could talk?”

Chu Wanning raises an eyebrow in warning in his direction. “About our presentation?”

“Well—”

“Or about your presentation?” Chu Wanning says firmly. He doesn’t really want to hear time and again that Mo Ran is sorry, that he did wrong, that he wants to be friends. Perhaps later down the line, when this no longer matters to him as much, he will hear Mo Ran’s full piece. It will have to be after he lets go of the notion that maybe Mo Ran does feel something for him beyond friendship. But for now, Chu Wanning would rather avoid the topic completely. 

Mo Ran nods tightly. “Our presentation. I figured we might as well make some proper headway on it.”

Chu Wanning nods and takes a seat again in the chair. Mo Ran hovers around him but Chu Wanning is more than capable of taking his own food, so he picks up the steel bowl of rice and dumps the tofu, vegetables, and broth into it. Once he’s done, Mo Ran finally sits down opposite of him. The corner of Mo Ran’s lips twitch upwards; it’s the briefest action, but Chu Wanning catches it immediately.

“What?” Chu Wanning narrows his eyes, and Mo Ran holds his hands up in peace. 

“Just want to see if you’ll like it,” Mo Ran says, and it’s not as reassuring as he thinks it would be. Chu Wanning eyes the food for a moment, before picking up some broth-soaked rice and tofu with great suspicion. “That’s all, I promise.”

Chu Wanning huffs, and takes his first bite. The tofu is fried perfectly, the outside crisp and the inside soft and savoury; the rice is the appropriate distance between firm and soft, and the salt ties in the flavours of the faint herbs sprinkled throughout. There’s a slight crunch of sesame within it too and while it’s not necessarily medicinal food, it is incredibly comforting. 

“Did you manage to start on the speech yet?” Mo Ran asks while Chu Wanning chews, and Chu Wanning nods. He tips his head towards the open laptop that’s sitting on his bed, and Mo Ran retrieves it. He still eyes Chu Wanning, and Chu Wanning swallows.

“The food is good,” he says quietly, and clears his throat in a somewhat cumbersome manner. He feels less certain about wanting to kick Mo Ran out; they do have a presentation to put together, they both have busy schedules, and the food really is delicious. Mo Ran gives him a dimpled smile, and Chu Wanning immediately shoves more food in his mouth.

He eats and watches Mo Ran scan through what Chu Wanning has jotted down.  Thick, dark eyebrows knit in concentration, and every time Mo Ran looks at him, Chu Wanning examines a rather fascinating spot on the wall behind him. He concentrates on finishing the rest of the food, not wanting it to go to waste. The dishes are simple; distantly, Chu Wanning wonders how a full-fledged meal would taste, prepared by Mo Ran’s hands.

Then he shakes the thought out of his head. In another surprising turn, the dread and self-flagellation that normally follows an unbidden daydream is nowhere to be found. Something about Mo Ran’s presence in his room does the opposite of making him want to run. Without realizing it, the buzzing in Chu Wanning’s brain has calmed down— not completely, but enough that he does not feel like there’s an anvil sitting on his chest.

He still longs to reach out though. That can’t be denied. The distance between them is expansive yet cramped; Chu Wanning finds this happening a lot. He wonders if this is what he’s doomed to feel for a while, wanting a touch that he knows well but cannot get. His eyes drift to Mo Ran’s hands resting idly on his keyboard, tapping a key as he scrolls down the light footwork Chu Wanning has laid out.

Mo Ran whistles when he reaches the end of the document, and looks back up at Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning has nearly finished his bowl of food, and he looks at Mo Ran silently.

“Guess I really don’t have to do any work, huh,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning scoffs before shoveling some of the last dregs of rice into his mouth.

“You know that only covers the first half of the talk,” Chu Wanning says. “Sisheng needs to come off firm and sure, like the place we’ve carved out for us always had our name on it.”

“We do come off firm and sure,” Mo Ran points out. “You better than anyone, Director Chu.”

“And people call me arrogant for that,” Chu Wanning says bluntly. Mo Ran starts to sputter, but Chu Wanning cuts him off. “Which does not matter. I have not gotten as far as I have caring what other people think about me.”

Not professionally anyways. And Chu Wanning has always been good about compartmentalizing; there’s only been one person that’s ever truly tested it, and that person is currently leaning forward to take his empty dish and pass him the bowl of fruit.

“Take that and turn it into something people will like to listen to,” Chu Wanning says. “You can take the lead, and I will be the secondary.”

Mo Ran frowns and shakes his head. “That wouldn’t be proper. You’re my senior.”

Chu Wanning gives him a flat look as he pops a balled piece of sweet melon into his mouth. He does not say much— he does not need to. Mo Ran knows that at this type of conference, someone more affable should take center stage. And Chu Wanning will be the perfect, stoic foil for it. 

Mo Ran will bounce jokes, as he always does, as well as present newer ideas that Sisheng has been implementing, some that may not be swallowed well by some of the more traditional companies in the conference. Chu Wanning, for his part, will be the steady, firm anchor that will occasionally speak, grounding whatever Mo Ran says.

It’s a tried and tested method. Even right before Mo Ran graduated out from being Chu Wanning’s underling, even when they were increasingly visible about being at each other’s throat, they had been able to do things like this easily. There would be a clenched fist under the podium, or a temple throbbing under the heat of the stage light, but they perform well together.

While Chu Wanning is rolling this around in his head, Mo Ran starts to murmur to himself as he scrolls through the screen again. He starts to type, the keys softly clacking in the room as Chu Wanning finishes his fruit. 

“You should get some rest,” Mo Ran says finally, closing the lid of Chu Wanning’s laptop. “I sent it to myself, so I’ll work on it for the rest of tonight.”

“You’re not going to stay?” Chu Wanning says, and instantly cringes at how pathetic it sounds. He quickly starts to cover it up, continuing with a, “I don’t know when we can coordinate working on this next.”

“We can if you stop running away,” Mo Ran says dryly, and Chu Wanning instantly clamps up. Mo Ran immediately looks like he regrets what he says, and gives Chu Wanning a guilty expression. “Sorry, I know you’re busy. I’ll take this back to work on it, and send it to you tomorrow. I know our morning is relatively free tomorrow, so we can meet up before my talk.”

Chu Wanning instinctively wants to say no, but pragmatically, it is not something he can keep off forever. 

Their closing speech will be long enough to warrant at least some practice together; and anyways, Chu Wanning cannot afford to not pay attention to something important like this. He’s not particularly fond of public speaking, but he’s capable of articulating himself in front of large crowds without much preparation. Mo Ran is in the same boat so when they do prepare, they make something elevated. And Chu Wanning shouldn’t let something as sticky as his personal feelings get in the way of that.

“I’m free till noon tomorrow,” Chu Wanning says, which is a translucent lie if Mo Ran already knows his schedule. It’s fine. Chu Wanning thinks he’ll survive sitting out a clinically boring workshop. “And Mo Ran?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you,” Chu Wanning says, and Mo Ran looks at him bemused for a moment. “For the food.”

“Oh,” Mo Ran says. “No problem. I’ll take the tray back to the kitchen.”

“Don’t trouble yourself,” Chu Wanning says, setting down the bowl. “I can take it down tomorrow—”

He pauses mid-sentence, staring at the tray. Mo Ran hums in question and follows Chu Wanning’s line of gaze, and immediately presses his lips together.

“You…” Chu Wanning stares at the second set of chopsticks, wrapped in a napkin and neatly tucked towards the side of the tray. His eyes dart to the bowls and around the one that held the rice, he realizes that the rim was not bumped as part of his design; there were two bowls. “Why did you let me eat the whole thing?!”

“You looked like you needed it,” Mo Ran says, but there’s still a tinge of amusement in his voice. “And you put the broth in before I could say anything.”

“Still!” Chu Wanning says, feeling his stupid ears start to heat. Mo Ran shakes his head and cuts Chu Wanning off before he can continue.

“I made the food for you because you weren’t feeling well. I didn’t eat much during the dinner, Mr. Ma’s tastes are a little too eccentric, so I made just a little extra for myself— don’t feel bad, Wanning. I’ll order room service.”

Chu Wanning’s frown deepens, and Mo Ran simply laughs gently. He must be able to tell that Chu Wanning’s guilt isn’t fully eased so he adds, “It makes me happy enough that you liked it.”

The words sound earnest, and Chu Wanning swallows. An emotion rears its head within him; a few emotions in fact, a chimera that he can’t quite understand. He cannot take such gentle words from Mo Ran; his mind will run away from him. So instead, he nods lightly, choosing not to say anything at all.

Thankfully, Mo Ran takes his leave shortly after, sparing Chu Wanning any further interactions to overthink. Chu Wanning sees him off with an unwieldy wave, and watches Mo Ran shuffle over the short distance to his own room. 

Chu Wanning steps back into his room, and leans against the door once he closes it. The thrumming need to pull Mo Ran in, sit him down, confront him again and again — over a multitude of things— still courses through him. But he’s managed to contain it and Mo Ran doesn’t seem too upset over Chu Wanning avoiding him, even in professional situations. In turn, Chu Wanning doesn’t feel like his chest has closed up completely over the sight of Mo Ran.

It’s feeling something else completely, as if it’s forgotten what happened within the past few weeks, but Chu Wanning chooses not to dwell on it. He’s made it so far in the conference— there’s a chance that they make it out of this thing in one piece.

Chapter Text

Mo Ran does not actually expect Chu Wanning to meet with him in the morning. 

Not because he is the type to avoid work but because Mo Ran expects Chu Wanning to have come to his senses and remember that he is currently avoiding Mo Ran. Mo Ran had half-expected a message in the morning telling him not to bother, Chu Wanning has already finished the speech himself and Mo Ran only needs to look it over to give it flair.

Alternatively, Mo Ran thinks that maybe Chu Wanning will just ask Mo Ran to send over what he has and he’d take the rest from there. Either way, Mo Ran has already completed a good portion of the work, and is mentally prepared to be ignored once more.

But after breakfast and a morning meeting, Mo Ran gets a text from Chu Wanning to meet him at a cafe a two minute walk away from the hotel. It’s a quaint little thing that’s clearly popular with the amount of people spilling out onto the chairs and tables at front. Chu Wanning has miraculously snagged them the last booth inside, and greets Mo Ran with a nod when he arrives.

“How’s your headache?” Mo Ran asks, and he sees that Chu Wanning has already ordered for the two of them. A cup of steaming black coffee sits on his side, while Chu Wanning cradles a latte between his hands. A plate of lotus pastries sit in the middle, and Mo Ran picks one up as he sits down.

“Were you able to get some work done?” Chu Wanning asks instead of answering Mo Ran’s question, and Mo Ran acquiesces and pulls his laptop out of his satchel. He turns it around and pushes it towards Chu Wanning so that he can review what Mo Ran has completed.

Chu Wanning falls into deep concentration almost immediately, allowing Mo Ran to openly study his face. Chu Wanning looks as composed as ever, but there’s faint bruising under his eyes from lack of sleep. His fingers tap gently on his cup as he murmurs under his breath, reading through the speech Mo Ran has almost finished crafting for them.

“This is good,” Chu Wanning murmurs as his eyes continue to scan the screen, face inscrutable. 

“You built a good foundation,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning remains impassive in expression. His shoulders straighten out by a fractional amount, Mo Ran watching him so intensely that he catches it. He can immediately predict what’s going through Chu Wanning’s head —something, undoubtedly, about his lack of use in this building speech despite the fact that his initial research, framework and direction is the only reason Mo Ran had been able to write so much so easily— so he adds a, “And I don’t know how to conclude it.”

Chu Wanning glances up at Mo Ran, but Mo Ran isn’t really lying.

“I guess I could make a few…corrections,” Chu Wanning says. Mo Ran doesn’t reply; he pushes the plate of pastries towards Chu Wanning.

When Chu Wanning works, he seems to melt into it, forgetting about everything around him. He doesn’t even bother to transfer the work to his own laptop so that he can give Mo Ran back his. Instead, he commandeers Mo Ran’s laptop and Mo Ran has no complaints. 

Mo Ran watches Chu Wanning’s hands; even as they rest against his laptop, they hold themselves in readiness, as if hovering above piano keys. His fingers are long and elegant, and his palms lead into bony wrists that peek out from the cuffs of his shirt. One of them is hidden by a watch, but the other flashes pale skin that Mo Ran wants to sink his teeth into.

He shakes his head minutely, trying to steer his mind back to something more normal. Like the fact that he’s allowed to be in Chu Wanning’s presence again. That too has been something he has been longing for, perhaps even more than a touch. Everything about Chu Wanning makes Mo Ran need fiercely, whether it is physically, emotionally, or most often, both.

Even if this is the only way he can stay a prolonged amount of time in Chu Wanning’s presence, Mo Ran will take every moment of it. He can never memorize enough of Chu Wanning’s minutae. Mo Ran itches yet again to talk to Chu Wanning— and eventually he will but for now, he lets Chu Wanning work in silence.

Chu Wanning doesn’t want to be his friend. He had said so in the subway station. So this is all they’ll have. Mo Ran wonders if this is how it’s going to be from now on, watching from a distance, an invisible wall between them. It would be better than Chu Wanning not being there at all though Mo Ran knows that, ultimately, it is still not up to him. 

But if it was, he would simply spill his heart, like he should have much earlier. If he had, maybe he would have had a better opportunity to tell Chu Wanning his very real feelings without Chu Wanning second-guessing his every move. There is no way he can redo it all again though, so there’s no point marinating in what could have been.

At least, that’s what he tells himself in an unconvincing attempt to not dwell.

When Chu Wanning finally finishes what work he needs to do, it is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing, because Mo Ran has gotten so much time just being in his presence, and a curse, because it has come to an end. It starts to become stifling when Chu Wanning turns the laptop back around and silently pushes it in Mo Ran’s direction. Mo Ran takes his time in reading it through, not wanting to give them an excuse to part yet.

Chu Wanning has added his corrections, the points for the conclusion, and highlighted their parts in two separate colours. There is not much left to change there; Mo Ran only needs to add one or two notes, and they are as good as done. As is any excuse to linger around Chu Wanning. Mo Ran swallows lightly, and steals a glance up at Chu Wanning, who immediately looks away.

“Wanning,” Mo Ran says quietly, and the effect is instantaneous. Chu Wanning’s hackles visibly rise, despite his best efforts to remain pointedly blank. Mo Ran is quickly finding out that he hates himself most when he makes Chu Wanning like this, and that things are so fraught. He instantly wants to smooth it over and says, “You said you were free till noon, right?”

“Yes,” Chu Wanning says cautiously, and Mo Ran makes an attempt to sound as affable as he can.

“Well, it’s a nice day out,” he gestures towards the window of the cafe. It’s true— the sunlight is spilling across the street, and the temperature is all too pleasant. “And we’ve been cooped up in buildings all week. We should run over how we’re going to play this speech at least once, right? Why don’t we go for a walk and do it?”

He knows Chu Wanning is going to say no. Chu Wanning has been looking for an exit every time he’s been in Mo Ran’s vicinity, understandably so. No matter how desperate Mo Ran feels, Chu Wanning’s not going to say—

“Alright.”

It is nerve-wracking for no reason. 

No— not entirely no reason. Mo Ran’s palms are sweating as they walk down the less crowded side of the sidewalk, even though he holds himself as casually as possible. Beside him, Chu Wanning walks with purpose, staring straight ahead whenever Mo Ran steals a glimpse.

They’ve managed to run through an abbreviated version of their presentation, and Mo Ran has enjoyed the low cadence of Chu Wanning’s voice as he speaks. The monotone tone of it is soothing, and Mo Ran basks in it as much as he does the sun. 

Occasionally, Chu Wanning will step inwards, closer to Mo Ran to make way for someone on the sidewalk. He’s careful not to make their fingers brush, but a thrumming need to draw Chu Wanning even closer and keep him there still makes itself known.

He’s not sure if it’s nervousness or yearning or both compounding upon each other, that’s making Mo Ran feel strange. The taste of it sits weird on his tongue, like he wants to crawl out of his skin if he cannot get Chu Wanning’s attention. 

“Mo Ran?”

“Mm?” Mo Ran snaps back to attention when he hears Chu Wanning say his name. “Sorry, drifted there for a moment.”

Chu Wanning rolls his eyes at him, as he so often does, but doesn’t scold him. Instead, he just repeats, “I sent Xue Zhengyong a copy too, and copied you on the email. We should keep an eye out in case he gets any last minute ideas.”

“He trusts us,” Mo Ran says, and there’s the faintest twitch on the corner of Chu Wanning’s lips. “Well, he trusts you. There’s still a nonzero chance I might mess it up.”

“You won’t,” Chu Wanning says flatly. “He trusts you too, otherwise he wouldn’t have sent you here.”

I was only sent here because Xue Meng got over-involved, Mo Ran thinks to himself dryly, and Chu Wanning seems to have read his mind because he huffs and adds, “I’m serious. I know he’s proud of you.”

Mo Ran’s mind drifts for a moment to the family that folded him into their warmth and kept him there, even after the discovery that they weren’t actually blood related. He has always tried to repay them through his work at Sisheng but still, hearing it like this, especially from Chu Wanning, does something funny to his heart.

It had been stifling in the coffee shop, but it is suffocating now, hearing kind words from Chu Wanning’s mouth without being able to draw him in. 

“I had a good teacher,” Mo Ran says lightly, not wanting to spill all his insecurities out onto the pavement. Chu Wanning makes a face at that, and shakes his head. “I learned so much from you.”

“You learned a lot despite me,” Chu Wanning corrects immediately, and Mo Ran stops in his tracks. Chu Wanning pauses a step ahead, and looks over his shoulder at Mo Ran. “What?”

“…Nothing,” Mo Ran says, and hastily strides ahead. But it’s not nothing. “But Wa— Director Chu, I don’t think I would have been where I was without you. I… am aware of the things you have done for me, that you did not tell me.”

Chu Wanning’s face drops into an uncomfortable grimace for a few moments, and he bites his lower lip. They walk aimlessly for the next couple of minutes, Mo Ran silently guiding them towards the direction of a park from where they can loop back to the hotel. While they wait at a pedestrian light, Chu Wanning finally speaks.

“I should not have treated you as harshly as I did,” Chu Wanning says, more to the back of the head of the man standing in front of him than Mo Ran. “It was unsubstantiated.”

“You were hard on everyone,” Mo Ran says, trying to ignore the prickling feeling along the back of his neck and Chu Wanning shakes his head.

“I was too harsh on you specifically,” Chu Wanning says. “…I wish I could say why, Mo Ran, but I don’t want you to hate me.”

The light turns, and the crowd immediately starts moving. Mo Ran stands where he is, stunned, before Chu Wanning moves back and grabs him by the elbow, dragging him across the crosswalk. Mo Ran finds his words again once they’ve crossed the road and doesn’t let them keep walking. He pulls them off the sidewalk and into the alcove in front of a shuttered florist’s shop. Chu Wanning goes easily with him, another surprise within the day.

“It’s in the past,” Mo Ran says once they’re tucked away. The words feel incomplete, but the topic was unexpected. He gathers himself a little more and says, “It’s not something I hold against you.” Chu Wanning gives him a deservedly withering look so Mo Ran hastily adds, “Anymore.”

“It is understandable if you did,” Chu Wanning says. He leans back against the brick, keeping distance between the two of them. “It is hard not to look at coldness without any sort of…”

Chu Wanning’s face does a self-deprecating twitch that Mo Ran knows precludes silence. Sure enough, his lips are pressed into a tight line, and Mo Ran aches with how many things he needs to tell Chu Wanning.

“It’s in the past,” Mo Ran says quietly. “And it wasn’t an excuse for me to be as awful to you as I had been.”

“We don’t need to talk about it,” Chu Wanning replies immediately, shifting in an uncomfortable manner. He looks like he wants to run and Mo Ran’s hand twitches forward, as if to stop him. Both of them freeze at the action, and the nerves Mo Ran has been feeling all along swell in his throat.

“I know, but I need to,” Mo Ran blurts out. “You don’t have to accept my apology, Wanning. But I want you to know that I’m genuine when I say I’m sorry.”

This isn’t necessarily where Mo Ran envisioned having the conversation. Not in an alcove in a busy street, not when he’s been caught unaware by Chu Wanning’s sudden words. Maybe Chu Wanning did not mean to plunge into such a depth when he first spoke. But now Mo Ran has responded and once something is put out there, it is hard to pull back and save for examination at a more convenient time.

Chu Wanning doesn’t run. Mo Ran takes it as a sign and he forges onwards.

“I had no right to do what I did. You are not some cold, unfeeling figure, Chu Wanning. You’re one of the smartest people I know, and you care more than you let on. I was a jackass and a total dick, and I am deeply, deeply sorry. From the bottom of my heart, Wanning. I have never regretted anything more than how I’ve treated you.”

Chu Wanning looks at Mo Ran, and Mo Ran holds his gaze, hoping it can convey exactly how honest he is about his words. Mo Ran wants to so badly reach out and touch Chu Wanning’s hands, take those dextrous fingers and intertwine them with his, kiss the knuckles, swear to Chu Wanning he will do anything for Chu Wanning to forgive him.

But the other man looks like he will bolt if Mo Ran comes any closer. Chu Wanning’s expression doesn’t crumble, but the slight tremble in the stoic man’s upper lip is enough to show how affected he is.

“I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want to be reminded of it,” Chu Wanning says, but the forced frigidity of his voice is nowhere to be found. There is a tinge of desperation to it, one that Mo Ran feels mirrored within himself. “I am not eager to revisit my humiliation.”

Mo Ran regrets the deception. He regrets how he’s made Chu Wanning feel, what kind of imprint he’s left. And he regrets too, holding a grudge, and never seeing Chu Wanning for what he really is. Mo Ran regrets, most of all, not telling Chu Wanning the truth, and not telling him that he loved him at a time where Chu Wanning would believe him. He remembers Chu Wanning asking him “Is that all?” and the answer, for Mo Ran, is unequivocally no. 

It will never be all that Mo Ran wants to say to him, but Mo Ran has already taken up so much space as it is. Every moment though, the deepest confession of his inches closer and closer to being blurted out despite his fear of rejection constantly tugging it back. In fact, it sits on the tip of his tongue, waiting.

Maybe Mo Ran deserves to be rejected. If he says what he truly feels and Chu Wanning turns him down, at least Mo Ran’s punishment can be finalized. He can be free to be tormented without wondering what would have happened if he just told Chu Wanning.

“Wanning, I need to say something,” Mo Ran starts, his mouth moving before his brain catches up. “I—”

“Mr. Chu?” 

Both of them pause, just as the third voice follows up with a, “Director Chu?”, cutting clean through the charged conversation. Both Mo Ran and Chu Wanning slowly turn in sync to see the tall, slender gentleman from Guyueye approach with a smile so pleasant that it pisses Mo Ran off.

“Senior Manager Mo.”

Great. Mo Ran gets a greeting too. He gives their visitor a tight smile and says, “Director Hua. Nice to meet you again.”

Mo Ran has, though he won’t admit it out loud, texted Shi Mei last night and asked him if he remembers anything about a Hua Binan at Guyueye. He won’t say that it had been out of jealousy; he just wanted to vet the man’s professional background, since he had been hanging around Chu Wanning. Shi Mei hadn’t been very forthcoming in details, which frustrated Mo Ran.

Just a bit.

“I— oh sorry, did I interrupt?” Hua Binan looks around, and Mo Ran rolls his eyes once they’re not making eye contact anymore. It is quite obvious that he is, and Mo Ran isn’t a fan of people who pretend to be obtuse. “I apologize. I was just thinking what a great coincidence it was to run into the two of you. Are you heading back to the hotel?”

Hua Binan directs this question more towards Chu Wanning than he does towards Mo Ran, and it grates on Mo Ran’s nerves. It is even more annoying that Chu Wanning actually nods in response to the man, and steps down from the alcove. Mo Ran instantly follows, taking his place beside Chu Wanning before Hua Binan can.

The other man simply continues to smile in that stupidly pleasant way, and gestures towards the way of the hotel. Mo Ran wants to steal Chu Wanning away somewhere private so that he can continue their conversation, but it would be entirely too childish, given that Hua Binan seems to be actually engaging Chu Wanning. Well— Chu Wanning does not suddenly become talkative, but he does seem to listen to Hua Binan’s idle chatter about a morning seminar he attended while making a marked effort to not look at Mo Ran.

Mo Ran grits his way through the entire brisk walk back, but refrains from making any comments, lest they come out too bitter. By the time they’re entering the lobby, he’s glaring daggers at Hua Binan whenever the other man is looking at Chu Wanning. Which is an uncomfortable amount.

“I forgot something,” Chu Wanning frowns, patting the side of his suit jacket. “I’ll meet you in the auditorium.”

“Ah,” Hua Binan says, then frowns as he pats the breast pocket of his own, nondescript black suit. “I seem to have forgotten my phone in my room. I suppose I’ll join you in the elevator instead.”

Mo Ran has a good twenty minutes before he needs to be in one of the smaller auditoriums for his own talk, so he joins them without a word in the elevator line. There’s a larger crowd this time, so when they step in, there’s barely any space between any of the bodies. Hua Binan files in beside Mo Ran, while Chu Wanning stands in front of them, a step  to the right so he’s closer to Mo Ran.

The elevator closes, and Mo Ran stands as tall as he can beside Hua Binan, not bothering to hide the side-eye that he gives him. Hua Binan’s pleasantness has taken a sharper, more predatory gleam now that Chu Wanning doesn’t have him in his line of view. He may think he’s good at hiding it, but Mo Ran can recognise the glint when he sees it. 

As the elevator progresses upwards, more people file out but Mo Ran does not move a muscle. He has a feeling if he does, Hua Binan will undoubtedly fill the gap so that he can be the one tortured by the lightly floral scent of Chu Wanning’s eternally lasting cologne.Thankfully, Hua Binan gets off a floor below them.

“I’ll see you downstairs,” he nods towards Chu Wanning, then towards Mo Ran with that infuriating blandness on his face again. “It was nice meeting you again.”

Mo Ran gives him a sardonic smile in return; in an act of what surely must be revenge, Hua Binan excuses himself from his corner of the elevator, putting a hand lightly on Chu Wanning’s shoulder as he squeezes through the remaining crowd. Mo Ran gets the urge to bare his fangs, but the door closes, leaving him in the elevator with Chu Wanning, and a few others. As soon as the door to their floor opens, Chu Wanning is practically running out the elevator.

Mo Ran calls out to him, but Chu Wanning continues marching onwards without a word, without looking back. Fuck. Mo Ran’s timing was shitty again; Chu Wanning promptly slinking into his hotel room without a second word confirms it.

He stares at the door to Chu Wanning’s room. It makes sense that he would have paid more attention to Director Hua than Mo Ran during their walk back, that he would be attending a seminar with him instead of the one Mo Ran was presenting. Chu Wanning had said, after all, that they do not run in the same circles. Mo Ran has no claim over Chu Wanning’s time. He was lucky enough to get what he did.

Their morning had gone so smoothly, But Mo Ran just had to latch on to the one thread of vulnerability Chu Wanning accidentally exposed, and unravelled everything again because he was stupid enough to think that it meant Chu Wanning was open to listening to him again.

You’re one hell of a fuck-up. 

Mo Ran doesn’t bother retreating to his room. Instead, he takes the elevator back down, and makes a beeline straight for the bar. He isn’t going to find any answers in the bottom of a glass, but at least he’ll be able to clear his head before he stands up in front of a room full of people and pretends to know what the fuck he’s doing.

Chu Wanning has no idea what the hell he’s doing. All he knows is that he’s constantly running.

The seminar is packed, so no one notices him slip out from the rear door. He’s long since shed the company he had been sitting with before; he is only entertaining the people from Guyueye and Shangqing for the sake of reporting back to Xue Zhengyong that he’s been social for a change. Once Chu Wanning steps out onto the hallway, he takes a deep breath in; the auditorium had felt too constricting, with too many people, too many expectations, worse than standing on the stage.

Mo Ran had apologized again. He had been on the verge of something else too, something that made him look too charged. In the spaces between their words, Chu Wanning thought with dread that what Mo Ran was gearing up to say was not what he wanted to hear. It had made his stomach swoop and Chu Wanning was not brave enough to face the possibility.

He still isn’t. That’s why Hua Binan was a somewhat welcome distraction. He’s still tangled up in all his emotions. Chu Wanning wants to accept Mo Ran’s apology but he’s continuing to hold out for something that he knows he won’t get. His mind cannot make up whether to draw close to Mo Ran or push him away, and settles on some strange, liminal middle distance.

Chu Wanning moves through the hall and up the steps towards a mezzanine. From there, he quietly opens a door into a tiny gallery that looks down upon a stage. Barely anyone notices the disruption brought by the small spill of light before he closes the door. Everyone instead is watching the presenter.

Mo Ran has a habit of making even the driest topic seem entertaining to an audience. It is part due to how he looks — that confident stature and killer smile could bring the whole audience under his thumb — and part due to the way he commands the room as he speaks. Mo Ran is so much, and Chu Wanning is so used to being under his spell that sometimes he forgets how powerful his presence actually is. He tells a joke that sweeps laughter throughout the audience; no one in this room would be able to tell how he had been looking at Chu Wanning just less than an hour ago.

When he is near Mo Ran, his longing feels painful and when he is away from him, Chu Wanning has to force himself to not seek out his presence. Chu Wanning is used to this but it feels sharper now, more acute. Mo Ran makes another sweeping gesture on the stage, Sisheng’s logo bright on the screen behind him, and Chu Wanning’s fingers lightly curl.

For a fleeting moment, when Mo Ran looks up towards the galleries as he speaks, Chu Wanning’s breath catches in his throat. His imagination runs wild as their eyes lock and Mo Ran pauses; but he continues onwards without falter, his gaze smoothly sliding over the rest of the audience. It’s not like he actually saw Chu Wanning— the stage lights would be too bright, Chu Wanning reasons.

Is it possible to ever move past this stage? Past this stage where he has been so infatuated with Mo Ran for so long, compressing it so fiercely within himself that it has simply combusted, spreading everywhere, trying to find truth within anything Mo Ran had done in the past few months? Will he ever let go of the fantasy that there exists the slightest possibility that Mo Ran feels something for him too?

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he pulls it out to see a message from a number he hasn't saved yet. It is a social invite, one that Chu Wanning would normally turn down unless absolutely necessary to his work. He prefers the solitude of his room, silence to work or read in. But he needs a distraction now and while this may not serve as the best one, it will at least be one.

As silently as he came in, Chu Wanning slips out of the gallery.

After the post-presentation clamour, where Mo Ran’s ability to pretend he’s social is stretched to its limits, Mo Ran unenthusiastically accepts a dinner invitation from a very important person from a very important company. He of course does not show his lack of excitement for the invite, instead playing a perfect representative of Sisheng, entertaining his hosts with anecdotes as uninspiring as they are. 

He has been buzzing under his skin all day, the sensation only mildly dissipating by the end of his talk. The seminar itself had gone well, and his jokes hadn’t been met with painful silence despite his lack of sincerity behind them. His memory of it is a blur, and Mo Ran doesn’t think he’d be able to recount a moment of it.

Chu Wanning hasn’t answered his texts nor the one call Mo Ran made in the cab ride over to the restaurant. He probably has his own schedule to attend to, and he does not want to be around Mo Ran. The thought of it sours Mo Ran’s throat and he has to school his face before he steps out of the car so that none of his other companions will see.

Mo Ran has constantly been telling himself that whatever repairs need to be done, must be done according to Chu Wanning’s needs and boundaries. However, his resolve is cracking. There is nothing more he wants to do than to corner Chu Wanning and tell him his feelings, bluntly and concisely. Since he opened his mouth this morning, Mo Ran has been burning with the need to tell Chu Wanning the full extent of how much he wants him.

It is reaching a breaking point. Mo Ran even considers writing a letter to Chu Wanning; perhaps it would be the least intrusive way and if Chu Wanning wants to ignore him, he can simply destroy it. Or pin it to one of the old corkboard bulletins that Xue Zhengyong insists on keeping in the offices, and turn Mo Ran into a laughing stock. Deservedly so.

Somehow, while contemplating all of this, Mo Ran manages to keep the people he shares the dinner table with engaged. Appealing to people has always been a shallow game for him; all he needs to do is make a joke, flash a smile, pick an oyster off the rotating table for the person sitting beside him, and the entire table is eating out of his palm. It helps too, that the liquor is free-flowing at the table. He does not care for a single one of the people he’s with, and by the end of the dinner, he’s more than happy to help them into their cars.

Mo Ran does not call for a car back to the hotel. His mind is too occupied, and he’s had enough alcohol to render him a healthy amount of tipsy. His head still feels like a mess so he decides to go to a bar to clear it, or at least occupy it with something else. Mo Ran slinks into the first one he sees, one that’s busy enough that no one notices him slipping in, but not so busy that he can’t find an empty stool at the bar.

The music is boring, the dim lighting is boring, the entire place is too sleek to have any luster, but the drinks are expensive and sting deliciously. Mo Ran orders a glass of scotch at an unholy price and clinks it with the person sitting to his right before downing it one go. The bartender, impressed, offers him another, and Mo Ran is more than happy to comply.

Three drinks in, and someone gorgeous sidles up to him, effortlessly sliding into the empty seat beside him. She has soft features, bright red nails, and looks somewhat like his last long-term relationship, something that makes Mo Ran stare momentarily out of dull curiosity before turning his attention back to his own glass. Unfortunately, she catches him looking, and takes it as a cue to lean in with a brilliant white smile.

She’s bold and does not waste any time once they pass a few pleasantries. The hand she rests against his thigh is warm, and she laughs like a tinkling bell when Mo Ran makes a weak joke. Mo Ran is not tempted, but he contemplates it for a brief moment, as a distraction. 

It would be easy. Mo Ran would just need to lean in, tell her something nice about her dress, maybe pretend to be fascinated by the thin watch strapped across her wrist so that he has an excuse to show her how his fingers would feel wrapped around her wrists. He would do it all without feeling a thing.

The hand on his thigh squeezes and nothing within him stirs, not even the urge to use someone else to forget his feelings. It is something he would have done without a thought a year or two ago; something he has done before, done it well enough that the other person never realized. 

But he can’t fuck away all his problems with a stranger and the thought of doing so turns his stomach, a sensation made more unpleasant by all the alcohol in it. 

“I don’t want to waste your time,” Mo Ran tells the woman, and she pauses for a moment. Interest visibly drops from her face and she sighs, but she gives him a crooked grin before grabbing a vividly blue gin from the bartender and disappearing.

Drinking away his problems isn’t the smartest thing to do either, but it is the easiest. And while he will wake up with a hangover, he won’t be waking up with an immense amount of guilt and a warm body that he does not actually want. Mo Ran swears to himself, and keeps drinking till he’s properly drunk. 

Even then, the intrusive thoughts continue.

They have one more day of the conference left. Mo Ran and Chu Wanning have to present tomorrow and pretend that nothing is amiss between them. The morning after, they fly back home and from there, Chu Wanning will undoubtedly continue to play the avoidance game. It’ll be even easier for him to do so there— he can probably disappear completely from Mo Ran’s line of vision. Mo Ran had done it so effortlessly himself.

His head spins a little with the thought of it, and Mo Ran contemplates calling Chu Wanning again. Not that Chu Wanning would be able to hear him over the din of the bar, but Mo Ran has the urge to do so anyways. He blinks, and the alcohol has really settled into his bloodstream because he has a second sudden urge, a strong one to fling himself across the counter and languish.

To temper it, he calls out to the bartender instead.

“Can you hold my seat?” he says loudly over the music, words slurring enough to touch each other. The bartender replies with a, “For five minutes”, looking at Mo Ran with some pity, and Mo Ran slides off the stool, ambling over to the washroom. 

After he’s done, he splashes his face with cold water, trying to get himself a little more sober. It only barely works, and makes his mouth feel less like it’s stuffed with cotton. Mo Ran doesn’t bother looking at himself in the mirror, not wanting to spiral further downwards when confronted with the source of his problems. When he stumbles out of the washroom, he starts to make a beeline straight towards the bar with full intention to reclaim his seat.

It’s then that something catches his eye, something in one of the booths in the bar. Or specifically, someone. Mo Ran blinks and gawps, thinking his eyes are playing tricks before he steps closer, pushing through the people standing and milling around. Sure enough, by the time he approaches, the face is incredibly familiar. 

Mo Ran has never seen Chu Wanning drunk. Some at Sisheng say it’s physically impossible, given that he drinks alcohol like he drinks water. But sure enough, sandwiched between two suits, Chu Wanning sits with a face that when relaxed, looks even more unimpressed as he empties a shot glass. Mo Ran is too far and the bar lights too dim to see any kind of flush on him but he doesn’t need to; Chu Wanning’s tie is undone, his suit jacket hangs half off his one arm, and he uses the other to prop his head up on the table. 

Someone pours him another shot, and Chu Wanning voluntarily raises it in a toast. Mo Ran’s own inebriated brain skips past any sort of reasoning and goes straight to thinking what the fuck as he realizes that one of the people with Chu Wanning is Hua Binan. 

Who must be drunk too, because he slings an arm around Chu Wanning and says something to the table at large. The table bursts out into laughter and Chu Wanning slides out from under his arm, but Hua Binan slings it over again. Mo Ran freezes. Even at this distance he can tell what the other man’s intentions are. And Chu Wanning doesn’t push him away again, just finishes his drink. But he doesn’t look like he’s comfortable either, because his shoulders start to draw up.

Mo Ran sees red when watching Chu Wanning, the emotion blending in with the pathetic sadness he had been feeling just a few minutes ago at his own seat. His feet move before his mind does, marching him over towards the booth. One of the people slides out as Mo Ran approaches and he doesn’t bother seeing where they are going; he immediately slips into the booth, sidling up beside Chu Wanning. It takes both Chu Wanning and Hua Binan a moment to notice Mo Ran. 

“Wanning,” Mo Ran calls out, and Chu Wanning turns, a confused look immediately crossing his face before turning into an angry one. Hua Binan turns too and looks surprised; Mo Ran meets the other man’s eyes and makes sure to glare at him properly before looking back at Chu Wanning. 

“Mo Ran?” Chu Wanning says, slowly blinking. “What are you doing here?”

It’s a great question, one that “Getting drunk” is not the greatest answer to. Hua Binan pours another shot into Chu Wanning’s glass and Mo Ran reaches for it before Chu Wanning can, downing the burning liquor and slamming the little thing down a lot harder than it deserves. He wants to shove Hua Binan’s arm off Chu Wanning, but that has a great potential of starting a fight and getting him kicked out of the bar.

Which wouldn’t be all too bad a thing but even now, Mo Ran can guess that it would do the opposite of winning Chu Wanning’s affections. 

“We need to go,” Mo Ran says, trying to convey as much direness as he can. Chu Wanning raises his eyebrows, and Mo Ran continues. “Now.”

“What happened?” Chu Wanning’s words have the same soft slur to them that Mo Ran’s does, and Mo Ran shakes his head. He can’t put together enough brainpower to think of an excuse, so he tugs on Chu Wanning’s arm instead, hoping to convey urgency.

Chu Wanning looks down at Mo Ran’s hand, then up at Mo Ran again before sighing loudly.

“Do you need me to come?” Hua Binan asks, and Mo Ran interjects before Chu Wanning can say anything.

“No,” he says bluntly. “Sisheng business.”

Chu Wanning gives him an agitated look; he must have instantly seen through Mo Ran’s ruse. But he lets Mo Ran pull him out of the booth, and when Hua Binan stands up to help him put his jacket on, Mo Ran takes it from him instead. Hua Binan has an odd look cross his face, one that sends chills up Mo Ran’s spine before it flickers back to something pleasant, and he blandly wishes them a good night as Mo Ran drags Chu Wanning away.

As soon as they step out onto the sidewalk, fresh night air slamming into them, Chu Wanning rounds on Mo Ran.

“What the hell?” he says, and under the streetlamp, the ruddiness of his cheeks is more visible. Mo Ran tries to speak but his mouth is too dry; they’re both too drunk to have a conversation out in the middle of the street so he focuses on flagging down an old taxi instead.

“We… presentation,” Mo Ran says lamely and Chu Wanning’s mouth parts as he gives him an incredulous look. The cab pulls up to the curb and he opens the door, gesturing for Chu Wanning to get in.

For a moment, Chu Wanning looks like he’s going to turn on his heel and head straight back into the bar. His mouth moves but no words come out, and he stares at Mo Ran. A car honks in the distance and Chu Wanning snaps out of it. He shoves past Mo Ran and slides into the back of the car; by the time Mo Ran joins, Chu Wanning is staring resolutely out the window.

Everything about Chu Wanning is tense during the car ride back. Trepidation and nerves dance around each other, but Mo Ran keeps thinking about Hua Binan wrapping his arm around Chu Wanning. They do not utter a word to each other the entire drive back, nor do they say anything as they cross the lobby and commandeer an elevator.

It is not till they’re stepping out onto their floor that Mo Ran finally speaks. Chu Wanning tries to march ahead but Mo Ran has long strides and it takes no effort to catch up and crowd Chu Wanning up against one of their room doors.

 “How long have you been drinking for? I tried to call you.” Mo Ran says and Chu Wanning snorts, glaring daggers at Mo Ran.

“Not your business,” Chu Wanning says icily, and Mo Ran’s eyes narrow. They dart up for a moment to look at the number on the door, and he pulls out his hotel keycard. He taps it and the door unlocks; when he pushes it open, Chu Wanning walks in of his own accord.

Mo Ran follows, and closes the door behind him.

“Okay,” he says, and Chu Wanning turns again. The angry look in his eyes must be permanently set there because it is so intense that Mo Ran can’t remember Chu Wanning looking at him in any other way. “Were you genuinely interested back there?”

“Interested?” Chu Wanning’s eyebrows draw together, and Mo Ran scoffs. Chu Wanning realizes what Mo Ran is referring to, and goes through a stage of disbelief before fury makes itself known again. “Are you stupid, Mo Ran? Not everyone has slick intentions like you.”

“Slick— there is no way you can be this dense,” Mo Ran says, words coming out harsher than he intended. He tries to backpedal immediately and says, “Wanning, I saw the way that he looked at you. He kept trying to touch you too. I don’t like any of it. I know he’s up to something.”

Chu Wanning glowers at Mo Ran, and folds his arms over his chest. His mouth is set in a harsh scowl and he sighs out his nose, and says with an irritated voice, “...So?”

The reply isn’t surprising, but Mo Ran still sucks in a breath. Chu Wanning holds his head up with defiance, and Mo Ran takes a step towards him.

“What do you mean, so?” Mo Ran “You would actually want…”

“Who the hell are you to tell me what I do and don’t want?” Chu Wanning snaps back immediately. “What other options would I have, Mo Ran? You?”

Mo Ran winces at the words. Chu Wanning says his name like it’s something that disgusts him. And rightfully so. Mo Ran has no place saying any of this to Chu Wanning, of all people. Even though emotions roil within him, Mo Ran can already feel the starting of utter defeat.

He has lost Chu Wanning, but now the fact feels more concrete. With each second that passes, Mo Ran can feel their fate get buried completely, no matter how much he digs.

“That man is not to be trusted,” Mo Ran tries, at a loss for what to say. Chu Wanning doesn’t move as Mo Ran approaches, standing his ground. “I don’t like how he looks at you.”

“It doesn’t matter what you like,” Chu Wanning says curtly. He raises a hand and stops Mo Ran from getting any closer, palm pressed against the center of his chest. Mo Ran’s body tenses, anticipating the shove.

Chu Wanning does not remove the hand. He curls it into a fist instead, crumpling the edge of Mo Ran’s lapel. He presses his lips tightly, and Mo Ran steps back when he feels the gentle pressure. Immediately, the hand holds him in place, not allowing him to go any further. Frustration bubbles within Mo Ran, bursting within him in not-insignificant amounts, all the alcohol he’s had amplifying everything he’s experiencing.

“Fuck,” Mo Ran swears, shoulders slumping down. “Fine, tell me Chu Wanning. What is it that you want? Me at your feet, groveling till the end of time? Begging you to forgive me? Or do you want me to drag Hua Binan back here for you? I’ll do whatever you want, Wanning. Just talk to me, please—”

“It doesn’t matter to you what I want,” Chu Wanning spits out, his voice starting to falter near the end of his words. “And it doesn’t matter to me what you want either, Mo Ran. Because I know it isn’t me.”

Time comes to a standstill for the two of them. Mo Ran stares down at Chu Wanning, mouth parting but no words coming out. He manages to get a proper, real look at Chu Wanning and sees the same desperate frustration he feels echoed across Chu Wanning’s face.

His head is spinning. He murmurs Chu Wanning’s name, loud enough to get a glare in return. Or no, that’s not right. Chu Wanning isn’t glaring out of complete anger. There’s something deeper there too, something that Mo Ran needs to find the answer to.

“Why would you think I don’t want you?” Mo Ran says quietly, and Chu Wanning doesn’t reply. 

The hotel room light is brighter than the one in the bar, and here Mo Ran can see his face is flushed and his eyes are rimmed red. Mo Ran feels the sting in his own and blinks, his vision blurring for a moment. Chu Wanning watches him through his dark lashes, and Mo Ran is so overwhelmed that he forgets how to breathe.

Then time collapses into itself, and the two of them collide.

It’s unclear who started it; maybe they both did, having reached a breaking point. Chu Wanning normally doesn’t get drunk like he did tonight, but whatever he had does not hold a candle to how utterly intoxicated he feels the moment Mo Ran and him meet.

Mo Ran’s lips are hot and insistent against his, and Chu Wanning can taste the alcohol between them as he holds Mo Ran’s suit in a vice grip. Hands immediately land on him, one on his lower back and one sliding up his neck, tangling fingers in his hair. Mo Ran presses forward and Chu Wanning responds with equal fervour.

He had been too vulnerable, Chu Wanning thinks hysterically as Mo Ran tilts his head, their teeth clacking together as the kiss deepens even further. He had revealed too much of himself. The hand on his back skates up and Mo Ran brings him crushingly close as their lips slide against each other.

Chu Wanning is confused, unsure of what anything means. Then Mo Ran makes a desperate noise, and Chu Wanning’s mind empties of anything that is not this moment. He has wanted so badly and now that he’s had a chance to taste Mo Ran again, he does not want to ruin it. Just one more time. That’s all he needs, and then he can slink away into the shadows.

“Wanning,” Mo Ran gasps as he draws back, his face as flushed and hot as Chu Wanning’s. Chu Wanning tries to commit the look to his memory but his head is swimming so he compensates by leaning up to lock them into another fervent kiss.

This may not be the best idea, not with both of them so drunk. But neither of them pay attention to the fact. It feels like a good idea to Chu Wanning as Mo Ran grabs him by his shoulders and pins him against the hotel wall, kissing him so fiercely, like he’s trying to melt them into each other. Chu Wanning’s own hands slide from Mo Ran’s chest, wasting no time in wrapping around his neck and holding him in that suffocating distance.

It has been so long. Chu Wanning finds himself rapidly submerged in the tempestuous heat as Mo Ran presses the entire length of his body against Chu Wanning’s. It is not slow and tender; they paw at each other like agitated animals The next time they part ways, Mo Ran starts kissing up the length of Chu Wanning’s neck, wet and heated. 

“Why would you think I don’t want you?” Mo Ran says again, this time into the junction of Chu Wanning’s jaw. He bites Chu Wanning’s earlobe and runs a tongue over his freckle, causing Chu Wanning’s knees to falter. He clings onto Mo Ran and Mo Ran wedges his thigh between Chu Wanning’s legs, his hands roaming frantically all over Chu Wanning.

Chu Wanning doesn’t want to answer him, so he tugs on Mo Ran’s tie. It had been loosened already so it falls apart easily, and drops forgotten on the ground. He can smell sweat and booze and Mo Ran’s cologne, the scent incredibly heady to him. His fingers fumble with the front of Mo Ran’s shirt, popping open a few of the buttons.

Mo Ran immediately draws back from where he had been sloppily kissing Chu Wanning’s neck, and the look he gives Chu Wanning is so loaded that Chu Wanning feels the beginnings of panic overtake him. He tries to bury it with another kiss and is blessedly successful. Mo Ran moves as hungrily as Chu Wanning does, his hands roaming down to squeeze Chu Wanning’s waist.

“Tell me you want me,” Mo Ran says, lips brushing against Chu Wanning’s. The thought of doing so makes Chu Wanning throat immediately choke up, and he shakes his head. “Wanning…”

The knot in Chu Wanning’s chest swells, but he has long defended himself by appearing hard-hearted. So much so that even now, he reflexively changes the words that he says.

“I hate you,” Chu Wanning blurts out. It is a lie, but a dam has broken within Chu Wanning and he doesn’t know what to do with all his emotions. Mo Ran draws back and his face looks stricken, then morose. He does not let Chu Wanning go, but he looks down at him and murmurs a soft, “I know. I deserve it.”

“It’s not fair,” Chu Wanning mumbles. His hands are still bunched in the front of Mo Ran’s shirt and he yanks on it, popping it open down the front. He wants to pull on Mo Ran’s undershirt too, wants to satisfy his base urge to touch skin to skin.

What Chu Wanning does not want to do is work through his emotions. He does not want to stand and examine whether or not it is out of pity that Mo Ran is going to fuck him. So instead of giving Mo Ran the chance to ask him what’s not fair, Chu Wanning presses forward. 

Mo Ran answers without protest. Chu Wanning hears him say his name and he tries his best to swallow it between his lips. When Mo Ran licks his bottom one, Chu Wanning parts his mouth, the tips of their tongues touching briefly in hesitation before Mo Ran pushes his forward fully, sliding them together. 

One hand lands on Chu Wanning’s ass and squeezes, making him gasp into the kiss. Chu Wanning starts pushing and shoving at Mo Ran’s suit jacket till Mo Ran’s helping him in taking it off completely; Mo Ran’s shirt follows shortly, as does his undershirt. 

Chu Wanning’s suit jacket gets taken off with less care. Mo Ran yanks it off, pawing at the collar of Chu Wanning’s shirt next. He pulls the shirt apart till it’s open down the front, and Mo Ran’s eyes go dark the moment he sees Chu Wanning’s collar bones poking out from his undershirt. 

Mo Ran’s mission to take off Chu Wanning’s clothes is interrupted briefly by him lunging forward and laying harsh, biting kisses across Chu Wanning’s chest. Chu Wanning leans into each sting, each brief burst of pain, sucking in a sharp breath when Mo Ran’s thigh presses more insistently between his legs. 

The pleasure and greed that unfurls within Chu Wanning from there is unquantifiable on all scales but cosmic. His hips twitch and he groans at the friction; Mo Ran in turn makes a sound that’s low and guttural and he grabs Chu Wanning’s hips, grinding him against his thigh. 

“Fuck,” Mo Ran swears as he leans in and takes Chu Wanning’s bottom lip between his teeth. He bites, Chu Wanning lets out a soft whimper, and Mo Ran runs a soothing tongue over it. “I need you, Wanning. I need you right now, fuck —”

Dizzying want surges through Chu Wanning at the words, even though he thinks they are empty. Mo Ran keeps saying his name, keeps saying I need you, a small prayer against Chu Wanning’s heated skin and Chu Wanning needs him back, wants him as wholly as he can have him. Their lower halves connect and even through the fabric of their dress pants, the heat is enough to make Chu Wanning melt.

“Do whatever,” Chu Wanning says brusquely as Mo Ran kisses the corner of his mouth, his cheekbones, the tip of his nose. “Just stop talking.”

Mo Ran obeys immediately, occupying Chu Wanning’s mouth with his own. He’s half naked and his body is scorching against Chu Wanning’s; Chu Wanning does not have enough wherewithal to tug off his clothes, but he does manage to at least kick off his shoes. He meets Mo Ran with equal viciousness in the kiss, their lips bruising against each other. A sound escapes Chu Wanning’s throat, one that’s a lot higher than he meant it to be, and he can feel a rumble vibrate through Mo Ran’s chest.

Suddenly, the space in front of him is empty, Mo Ran stepping back. Before Chu Wanning can completely comprehend what’s happening, Mo Ran grabs him by the shoulder and turns him around, pressing him face first against the wall. Chu Wanning turns his head to try and look over his shoulder and Mo Ran immediately crowds him, burying his face in the crook of Chu Wanning’s neck.

“I can’t just do whatever,” Mo Ran says, his voice low, his body pressed close enough to Chu Wanning that the latter can feel the rumble of his words. “What do you want?”

Chu Wanning doesn’t reply; he simply tilts his head back and rests his forehead against the drywall. Mo Ran mouths along the nape of his neck, and Chu Wanning presses back. He can feel how hard Mo Ran is through his pants, the reminder making him ache. It had been a delicious kind of pain last time, and had lingered with him for days after. Forgetting how dejected he had been at the time, Chu Wanning craves it again. He wants Mo Ran to take him in a way his body will remember for days, long after he has sobered up.

“I want you to get lost if you’re just going to keep talking,” Chu Wanning bites as he rocks back onto his heels. Chu Wanning can’t risk an earnest answer so instead, he does what he does best and antagonizes.

Mo Ran hisses and Chu Wanning feels the other man’s hips push forward, making his heavy and solid presence known against Chu Wanning. One hand slides to Chu Wanning’s front and the other one cards through his hair again, gripping him and holding him steady.

“If I did whatever,” Mo Ran says, voice low and dangerous. He slowly unbuttons Chu Wanning’s pants, and takes his time pulling down his zip. “I would not let you out of this room for the rest of the trip, Wanning.”

Mo Ran hooks a thumb in the band of his briefs and snaps it against his skin before reaching past the waistband and palming at Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning’s already half hard, and his body responds eagerly to Mo Ran’s touch. 

“Then don’t,” Chu Wanning snips, just to see how far he can push Mo Ran. It turns out, the answer to that is away completely because Mo Ran suddenly disappears from behind him. Chu Wanning is left pressed against the wall, shirt and pants undone; it would be humiliating, being on display like this, save for the fact that Chu Wanning gets even harder. 

There are some rustling sounds in the background but Chu Wanning can’t bring himself to pay attention or look back. Less than a minute later —and simultaneously, an eternity— Mo Ran is back behind Chu Wanning, tugging down his pants completely, underwear and all.

“What—” Chu Wanning starts and cuts himself off as he feels his rear get exposed to the cool chill of the hotel air conditioning. Mo Ran grabs a handful of his ass and squeezes, and leans in over Chu Wanning’s shoulder.

He inhales, like he’s about to say something, but remains silent. Chu Wanning tilts his head to properly look at him and furrows his brows, trying his best to glare the words out of Mo Ran. But they both forget what had given them a pause and crash into another messy, sloppy kiss.

It isn’t like Chu Wanning to do a drunken hook up, but the fire has been burning within him for too long. Wanting Mo Ran is more than just an itch; it’s a full blown hunger that threatens to consume him. Maybe it won’t mean anything beyond the sex for Mo Ran but Chu Wanning doesn’t care at this point. He wants to grab and hoard what he can.

Mo Ran slides his fingers between Chu Wanning’s legs, hastily working on slicking him up with his freshly procured supplies. Chu Wanning gasps then hisses at the first press of a finger and when it feels like Mo Ran is trying his best to take his time, Chu Wanning rocks back, trying to hurry it up before Mo Ran changes his mind.

“Easy,” Mo Ran murmurs and Chu Wanning makes an incoherent sound of complaint that melts into a more broken one once Mo Ran works in a second finger, and starts earnestly working him.

His eyes scrunch shut with the next movement, a sharp spike of pleasure-pain shooting through him as Mo Ran crooks his fingers in just the right way. It had felt incredibly good the last time he did it, and it feels incredibly good now— and like the last time, it is enough to temporarily alleviate Chu Wanning’s misery.

“Bed,” Mo Ran suggests, but neither of them move. Instead, Chu Wanning sucks the air in through his teeth sharply and Mo Ran presses forward, intent on opening Chu Wanning up with as much efficiency as possible.

And now that Mo Ran has found the right spot in Chu Wanning again, he seems hell bent on tormenting Chu Wanning to the point of tears. It feels too good, and Chu Wanning’s spine starts to lock up as Mo Ran shoves him towards the edge. He bites his lower lip, trying not to sound too embarrassing, and tastes iron on his tongue.

It’s too much and yet, none of what he wants. Mo Ran crooks his fingers and Chu Wanning’s vision starts to blur; immediately, he reaches back and starts shoving at Mo Ran.

Even in this state, he’s got too much face to voice out what he wants. Mo Ran pulls out his fingers and Chu Wanning turns on his heel, his back hitting the wall with a hard thud. He hooks his foot around Mo Ran’s ankle, and that’s all the indication that the other man needs.

Mo Ran starts shoving down Chu Wanning’s pants all the way, and Chu Wanning kicks them off completely. He’s barely turned his face back when two large hands slide under his thighs and hoist him up. Chu Wanning reflexively wraps his legs around Mo Ran and Mo Ran holds him up with just one hand as he unzips his own pants with the other.

Chu Wanning can hear the soft, slick sounds of Mo Ran readying himself. It would be embarrassing any other time but now, he can simply stare down at the man, his red, kiss-bitten mouth parted as Mo Ran gives him a heated look in return.

He looks like he wants Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning has not felt real lust ever targeted towards him before —and the first time he slept with Mo Ran had clearly not been real desire— but this feels entirely too honest. Chu Wanning can’t bear to look at Mo Ran like this so he ducks down for a wet, messy kiss that has his already rabbiting heart beating in his ears. 

Once Mo Ran is done, he reassembles Chu Wanning, hooking one leg over his elbow for better access. The stretch barely registers for Chu Wanning; he sinks his fingers into Mo Ran’s shoulders, digging into and bruising the honeyed skin there.

“Wanning…” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning tenses at the tone. “Tell me if it hurts.”

Chu Wanning’s shoulders droop and he rolls his eyes. Quickly, they flutter shut because Mo Ran wastes no time after that, lifting Chu Wanning up just enough that he can start to press in.

It takes a herculean effort to not slump over. Chu Wanning slams one hand against the wall as he continues to clutch Mo Ran with the other, gritting his teeth as Mo Ran pushes in with an infuriating amount of care. 

“Breathe,” Mo Ran says gently, and Chu Wanning considers not doing so, purely out of spite. But then Mo Ran shifts him a slight bit so that it’s easier to slide in, and Chu Wanning inhales sharply. By the time Mo Ran is fully seated, both of them are panting, and Chu Wanning’s temples are damp with sweat. 

It had felt strange before, and it feels strange now, but not in an entirely terrible way. Chu Wanning knows now too, just how good it can feel, and he wants to skip all the tenderness of Mo Ran asking with concern, even now, if he’s ok. 

“Just move,” Chu Wanning replies sharply and Mo Ran huffs in amusement. He kisses the corner of Chu Wanning’s jaw, then his neck, mouthing out nonsense against the skin. Chu Wanning seriously contemplates grabbing him by his shoulders and shaking him, but Mo Ran finally starts to move them.

There is a lot less finesse this time; Mo Ran’s pace is erratic from the get go like he can’t decide which exact way to play this. But he goes deep, punching out Chu Wanning’s breath with each thrust and shifting him up the wall. He starts slow, but punctuates it by a quick staccato of his hips that has Chu Wanning keening and shifting the hand the wall to Mo Ran’s bicep.

Chu Wanning hears a whine escape his throat before he can catch it, much to his embarrassment, and Mo Ran speeds up for a few seconds that has Chu Wanning’s brain pouring out of his ears. When Mo Ran slows down, some sort of hysteria seizes Chu Wanning and he begs a soft, “more” that he immediately hopes Mo Ran misses.

He doesn’t.

Mo Ran shifts Chu Wanning’s weight onto one hand again and swears colourfully before reaching up and tugging Chu Wanning’s head back by his hair with the other. He rocks his hips upwards and Chu Wanning’s mouth falls open in a moan again, giving Mo Ran an opportunity to reach up for an artless kiss, sliding his tongue in immediately. 

Once they’re locked in like this, Mo Ran’s hand drops back to Chu Wanning’s rear and grabs it hard enough that marks bloom quickly across the skin. 

“Hold on properly,” Mo Ran orders into the kiss and Chu Wanning swings both his arms around his neck again, just as Mo Ran starts to suck on his tongue. Mo Ran pulls them off the wall but remains standing and Chu Wanning’s head spins once he loses the support from behind. Mo Ran moans into his mouth, scraping his teeth against Chu Wanning’s bottom lip.

Then he starts to move, truly move, his pace immediately unforgiving. Chu Wanning yelps and clings tighter as Mo Ran fucks up into him, fast and hard. The kiss breaks and his eyes start to roll to the back of his head as Mo Ran holds him up and snaps his hips, swearing as he does so.

It’s frenzied, just like the pulse of this night has been.

Mo Ran visibly loses himself in it as much as Chu Wanning does, needy in the way that he takes him. He angles himself in a practiced way and soon, Chu Wanning’s chest is wracking with sobs as unreal pleasure courses through him. It feels so good, so all-consuming, each little sensation part of a whole that’s making Chu Wanning lose his mind.

He barely remembers what they were talking about before, what the argument was. Chu Wanning is utterly entrenched in how full Mo Ran is making him feel, so much so that he doesn’t pay attention to the sounds falling out of his mouth. Mo Ran chants his name, over and over again as he sinks into him, and it makes Chu Wanning feel so wanted that his world tilts on its axis with the weight of it. 

Chu Wanning gives in and slumps forward, burying his face in the crook of Mo Ran’s neck, inhaling deeply to completely surround himself with the other man. He moans and before he knows it, his teeth are skimming Mo Ran’s shoulder and biting down in an attempt to anchor himself. Time loses form and it feels simultaneously like they’ve been doing this forever, and that they’ve just started.

In the midst of the frenetic energy coursing through them both, the shape of Mo Ran’s words change. He turns his head and presses a kiss to Chu Wanning’s temple, before murmuring something over and over again. Once Chu Wanning figures out what he’s saying, he immediately rears back. Mo Ran continues to drive into him, looking up at Chu Wanning through half-lidded eyes as if he didn’t just upend his world.

Chu Wanning must have hallucinated it in his drunken desperation, especially—

“I love you,” Mo Ran half-groans again as he fucks forward particularly hard, enough for Chu Wanning’s eyes to lose focus. Chu Wanning can’t string together a reply, not when Mo Ran aims true over and over again. He doesn’t want to, because his knee-jerk reaction is to deny it, to tell Mo Ran that no, he doesn’t love Chu Wanning, that he’s drunk and mistaken, that they both are.

But he wants it. He wants this confession for himself, and doesn’t want to shut it down. Not this time, not even if it’s insincere. It may be the only time he’ll ever hear them in Mo Ran's voice. So Chu Wanning takes his words, tucks it away, and then sinks deep into the intimacy of their act. 

His finish, when it slams into him, numbs his mind with its intensity. Chu Wanning muffles his yell into Mo Ran’s shoulder and feels his eyes prickle with hot tears of relief as he comes between them, Mo Ran’s hand just barely wrapped around him. Mo Ran finishes shortly after, Chu Wanning’s name on his lips as he stutters in him, Chu Wanning missing it completely as he tries to come down from his own high.

Mo Ran holds Chu Wanning close to him as the room fills with the sound of their panting. Chu Wanning can’t quite bring himself to let go of the rigid embrace he’s held Mo Ran in, especially when Mo Ran presses a comforting kiss to the side of his head.

The last time they had done something like this, clarity had stricken Chu Wanning after they finished, and he had been left hyper-aware of all his senses. This time, Chu Wanning is only aware of where he’s still connected to Mo Ran, of the humming and radiant energy of the other man, of the way their hearts seemingly fall into a syncopated rhythm. 

Seconds fold into a minute, then two, till both of them grow visibly oversensitive. 

“Here…” Mo Ran says gently, and slowly pulls himself out. Chu Wanning winces at the sensation —he also twitches in interest but it embarrasses him, so he tries to curl into himself— and Mo Ran keeps holding on to Chu Wanning, even when he’s fully out.

“I think we should shower,” Mo Ran tells Chu Wanning quietly, and Chu Wanning shakes his head. He’s exhausted, and the only thing he wants to do is be horizontal. He voices as much to Mo Ran, and Mo Ran huffs a small laugh before he carefully steps over their discarded clothes and walks them towards the bed. 

He deposits Chu Wanning gently onto the bed, holding him up so that he’s sitting on the edge. Mo Ran slowly peels off Chu Wanning’s shirt and undershirt before pushing him down onto his back and pushing his thighs apart, using his undershirt to clean Chu Wanning’s abdomen and between his legs. Chu Wanning’s head lolls to the side and he frowns at Mo Ran, who carries out his tasks with utmost concentration.

“Stay tonight,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning blinks, looking at him through a haze.

“My room is next door,” Chu Wanning replies, and Mo Ran shakes his head. He finishes up his cleaning and wipes himself down too before throwing the undershirt to a corner. Mo Ran leans in after, and presses a soft kiss to Chu Wanning’s lips.

“Do you feel like moving?” Mo Ran says against his mouth, and he has a point there. 

Chu Wanning’s legs feel like jelly and the longer he lies on the bed, the more his consciousness decides taking a nap would be more agreeable. It turns out Mo Ran doesn’t feel like moving much either. He kicks off his own pants and boxer carelessly, and slides into bed,  rearranging them both under the covers and drawing Chu Wanning close. 

Mo Ran wordlessly wraps an arm around Chu Wanning’s waist, and Chu Wanning can feel the heat still radiate off his chest. It should be uncomfortable by all means but even after all they’ve done, Chu Wanning is drawn to him. 

And maybe Mo Ran shares the same sentiment, with how tight he holds on to Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning turns Mo Ran’s words over in his brain, but is too tired to make any sense of it. So he leans into Mo Ran’s arms, trying to be as present as he can, resolving that he’ll look at the puzzle tomorrow and sap as much warmth as he can now. 

It won’t matter anyways in the morning, when Chu Wanning wakes up with Mo Ran’s arm lazily slung across him and only fragments of the night before left in his memory. Chu Wanning won’t remember enough to quell the panic that rises in him at the sight of the bite mark he’s left on Mo Ran’s shoulder and once again, he’ll find himself running.

Mo Ran wakes up to the sound of a foghorn so loud and piercing that he may as well be getting an arrow through his brain. He rolls over and slams his hand on his phone, trying to dismiss the alarm. When it doesn’t shut up, he jams the buttons on the side of his phone to lock it and flops onto his back.

His head hurts and for one brief, wonderful moment, that’s the only thing he feels. Then some of the memories from the night before hit him at full tilt, delivering a shock to his system.

Mo Ran doesn’t remember everything. He remembers both being incredibly drunk and finding an incredibly drunk Chu Wanning at the bar. But he doesn’t remember the ride home, doesn’t remember what they were arguing about. He scrunches his eyes shut and tries to recollect the night and— shit.

Shit.

Mo Ran shoots up in his bed and holds back the bile that rises to his throat as nausea courses him through him for a moment. His head pounds like a heavy drum and his mouth is so dry it threatens to crack. His entire body feels like a well-abused rattle drum.

Worst of all though, the other side of the bed is empty and the sheets are cool, his companion long gone.

Mo Ran can’t believe he slept with Chu Wanning when he was supposed to be apologizing to him. He curses again and scrubs a hand over his face, wondering how the fuck he managed to screw up a shitty situation even more. He can’t even remember all of it, except for the franticness of it, of how he was so desperate he couldn’t even wait to get to bed.

He’s never drinking again. Mo Ran resolves as much. He also has the strong urge to come clean about his feelings to Chu Wanning. Not that it would make a difference now. He doubts Chu Wanning will want to look at him again; clearly, he was too embarrassed to even stay.

Mo Ran reaches for his phone, intent on finding out where Chu Wanning is. When he sees the screen, he curses louder, almost dropping his phone in his rush to get out of bed.

He’s got thirty minutes till he and Chu Wanning are supposed to be presenting. The shrill alarm had been a call from Chu Wanning, the fifth missed one from this morning. One text sits upon all the other notifications, asking Mo Ran where the hell he is.

Mo Ran gets ready in record time, scrubbing himself down harshly in the shower with one hand while brushing his teeth with the other. He shaves quickly too, and throws five breath mints into his mouth in the hopes that they will burn the hangover out of him. 

He’s got one last pressed suit in the hotel closet thankfully, and when he steps into it, he spies Chu Wanning’s discarded undershirt crumpled at the foot of the bed. It stops Mo Ran in his tracks and he stares at it for a moment, before he remembers that he’s in a rush.

Mo Ran makes it to the auditorium with five minutes to spare, with nary a gelled hair out of place. He’s panting by the time he reaches the greenroom, and Chu Wanning looks up from where he’s sitting. 

Chu Wanning looks put together, his deep brown suit immaculate, his shoes polished, and an expensive watch strapped to his wrist, one Mo Ran knows he saves for occasions such as these. If it weren’t for the bags under his eyes, Chu Wanning would look like nothing happened. Hell, his face right now is so coolly impassive that Mo Ran wonders for a brief moment if he just imagined things. It still doesn’t quell his urge to spill out his feelings.

“We need to talk,” Mo Ran blurts out and Chu Wanning rolls his eyes as he stands up.

“You’re late,” he says briskly, and picks up a lozenge from the bowl on one of the coffee tables. He tosses it to Mo Ran, who fumbles when he catches it. “We need to present.”

“Sorry—” Mo Ran starts, and Chu Wanning brushes by him. “Wanning, I’m serious. We need to talk.”

Chu Wanning pauses, then looks over his shoulder at Mo Ran. His cool, professional look doesn’t waver as he says, “After we present, Mo Ran. Right now, this is the most important.”

Mo Ran grimaces but follows Chu Wanning with his tail tucked between his legs. After we present. 

As if he’ll be able to find Chu Wanning afterwards.

Chapter Text

He can only run so much and so far. But he has always been a man that likes to push his limits, so he will keep running and running, even after he can’t run anymore. He has even given serious thought to flying back this night itself, but all the flights home are full.

So instead, Chu Wanning pushes his lowball glass silently towards the bartender as she drifts by. She gives him a look of pity, and he simply nods. A few seconds later, his glass is partially full again with a foreign hard liquor that burns as it goes down his throat and spreads its warmth through his chest.

It’s not healthy to be this way, getting drunk a second night in a row especially when last night was a spectacular catastrophe. But it’s the only thing he could think of doing once they finished their presentation.

Chu Wanning still aches everywhere. His head had felt like a sledgehammer had been taken to it in the morning. Seeing the bites and scratches on Mo Ran’s body in the morning was bad enough; when he slinked back to his own room and saw all the marks that had been left on his body, he almost went into cardiac arrest. 

It’s a miracle that they were able to look normal. There was something incredibly strange and heady in a way he won’t admit, knowing that he's standing in front of an auditorium full of people, hidden bruises and bite marks and scratches sitting on his skin left by the man who stood beside him, the man who is equally marked.

At least they were able to keep it together for the presentation. Mo Ran had been sweating a little under the lights and Chu Wanning’s voice was even more direct than usual, but they had been able to carry off their entire portion of the seminar without a hitch, playing their roles perfectly. Mo Ran had been his regular charming self, not a trace of the anxiety he had before they started evident on his face.

Mo Ran wanted to talk in the green room. He probably still wants to talk. 

Chu Wanning knows he’s being childish, and he’s wasting his own opportunity to get a clear cut answer.  But he doesn’t want to hear Mo Ran apologize for this and call it a mistake, and he doesn’t want to dwell on what part of his fragmented memory actually occurred and what part was just a dream. 

There are some pieces of the night that he has to actively force himself not to revisit, on the very real chance that they are nothing more than wishful additions his drunken brain had supplied.

When Chu Wanning had slowly woken up in Mo Ran’s bed in the morning, before clarity and panic had hit him in tandem, the weight of Mo Ran’s arm slung across him had felt incredibly right. For a moment, Chu Wanning had felt like he truly belonged, till harsh reality dawned on him. 

Chu Wanning is probably being weird, avoiding conversation and willingly miring himself in a sea of uncertainty and assumption. However, Mo Ran may have some regrets, and Chu Wanning does not want to make eye contact with any of them. He has no illusions that Mo Ran could physically be amenable to him, even if he doesn’t want Chu Wanning, but he doesn’t think he can stomach hearing that even that is a mistake. 

Still, Chu Wanning can’t entirely say he regrets sleeping with Mo Ran again, even if he can’t even remember all of it. 

Finishing his drink at least brings him some comfort, as does the fact that it gets refilled nearly instantly. He’s normally not in the habit of doing this so often, but Chu Wanning figures this is way easier than dealing with emotions.

His phone buzzes, and his heart ticks up; but it’s not Mo Ran asking him where he is. Chu Wanning had received only one of those texts from him, and nothing since then. Fair, since Mo Ran must be very busy, moreso now that the other representative from Sisheng has gone missing in action, more eager to drink away his feelings than address them.

The text is from Hua Binan, who’s been showing an excess amount of concern for Chu Wanning’s wellbeing since Mo Ran whisked him away, even though Chu Wanning texted him and told him he’s okay. Chu Wanning had accepted his extended hand of friendship in an attempt to get his mind off things, but isn’t reaching for anything beyond that. They fought about Hua Binan too, Chu Wanning vaguely remembers, though he can’t recall what for. 

Chu Wanning grimaces and turns his phone completely off, not wanting to be bothered by anyone.

He wonders how it will be when they go back to Sisheng. The thought of it had occupied his thoughts yesterday as they had walked back, making him even less willing to discuss what happened with Mo Ran. In an ideal world, the slate would be rubbed clean to the extent where even Chu Wanning would no longer think of it. Mo Ran could go back to ignoring him and eventually, the ache in Chu Wanning’s chest would fade. 

It doesn’t seem likely to Chu Wanning, but he is a man that has accomplished many unlikely things. For a moment, he had thought that being wanted had fallen under said list of accomplishments, but he had been mistaken. It’s fine, Chu Wanning tells himself through the hazy fog that’s long settled over his brain.

Well.

He’s not exactly sure what’s fine— but he can’t be bothered to dissect it any further. It won’t leave him at any better place, so there’s no point. Chu Wanning can keep running in circles, but even if he was offered concrete answers, he would be too cowardly to take them. He’s not sure what he wants to keep and what he wants to get rid of from this experience, but it may be something for him to look at when he’s more sober.

Chu Wanning gently moves his glass, watching the amber liquid swirl before he lifts it to his lips again. 

Tracking Chu Wanning isn’t as difficult as he initially thought it would be.

Mo Ran has been operating with a rather calm determination since the end of their presentation, when Chu Wanning vanished into thin air. Well— he first double checked that there was no flight back home and that Chu Wanning hadn’t checked out early, and then proceeded to move through the day with aforementioned calm determination, finishing whatever socializing, networking, and meetings he had left for the day. Which was not a lot, but it helped him center his focus.

Because he knows that when he finds Chu Wanning, he can’t afford to be anything but focused. He cleared out his hangover with food and another shower after the presentation, but he still can’t recollect much of the night before, beyond some of the more physical activities. That, at least, he’s thankful for in a twisted way, because there’s no feeling that both haunts and soothes him more than the memory of how malleable Chu Wanning is under his hands.

But that is a thought he tries his best to shove out of his head as he looks for Chu Wanning, because that is not all that he wants from him. No, he has something to give him this time, and Mo Ran is determined to at least offer it.

There’s a considerable handful of bars within walking radius of the hotel, given its location. Chu Wanning won’t be at the one that Mo Ran last found him in, nor will he be in any of the novelty ones, the ones popular amongst university students, or the ones that are heavily populated with the languishing children of the local wealthy families. There is a possibility that Chu Wanning would have chosen instead to go to a cafe, or go to one of the parks instead, but Mo Ran decides he’ll take his chances.

That leaves Mo Ran with around five bars left in the immediate vicinity. He manages to find Chu Wanning by the third, entering the slim basement bar that isn’t nearly as popular as the two glitzy ones that sandwich it from the outside. The music is dark and syrupy, and the crowd is considerable but not dense enough that Mo Ran misses the occupied seat at the bar, the figure backlit by the flickering neon signs hanging on the brick wall.

Mo Ran would recognise that form anywhere. Even alcohol cannot penetrate the tenseness with which Chu Wanning holds his shoulders. He waits for a moment at a distance, and sees the man he’s watching turn to catch the attention of the bartender. Undoubtedly, it is Chu Wanning from the profile.

A bout of familiar nervousness courses through Mo Ran. If he doesn’t do this properly, then he’ll cement the fact that Chu Wanning will be lost to him forever. Well, if it hasn’t been already set in stone by them sleeping together the night before. He quells it quickly though. This hesitancy was a huge part of what landed him in hot water, and Mo Ran wants to stop giving fate and coincidence leeway to intervene into his business.

Straightening his own shoulders and tipping his chin up, Mo Ran strides over to where Chu Wanning is sitting, sliding easily into the seat beside him as Chu Wanning focuses on downing his glass. Chu Wanning doesn’t notice him yet, nor does he look his way when Mo Ran raises his hand and quietly gestures to the bartender to get him the same thing Chu Wanning’s drinking.

He’s going to stay sober this time, but Mo Ran could do with a little liquid courage. He doesn’t make his presence known till the bartender slides him a drink, and he nudges Chu Wanning on the side gently and leans in.

“Any chance of me putting this on your tab?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning blinks out of his stupor when he realizes someone’s talking to him. 

He turns to get a proper look and his eyes widen comically when he sees it’s Mo Ran that’s approached him. He starts to shift off his seat but Mo Ran stops him with a firm palm against his knee.

“Wanning,” Mo Ran greets, his blood already drumming in his ears at the sight of Chu Wanning. The same nerves he’d felt before rises within him once again. Don’t chicken out this time, he tells himself as he looks at Chu Wanning.

Chu Wanning’s ditched the suit and the tie, and his sleeves are rolled up, revealing his pale arms. The first button of his collar is characteristically undone, and Mo Ran swears that it’s not the dim yet strange lighting of the bar that makes him see a dark bruise edge out from under the fabric of the shirt.

“Mo Ran?” Chu Wanning says, perhaps a little too loudly and Mo Ran frowns. Chu Wanning sways a little as he tries to get away once more; realization dawns on Mo Ran. He notices then, the way Chu Wanning’s hair has long fallen out of its carefully gelled style, and the way the tips of his cheek are dark. His mouth looks wet too, but Mo Ran definitely cannot notice that for too long.

“This is impressive,” Mo Ran jokingly comments, giving Chu Wanning a quite obvious once over. “Aren’t we too old to be putting our bodies through another night like this?”

Mo Ran initially only means the drinking. But Chu Wanning looks furious almost instantly, and Mo Ran picks up the unintended inflection of his words. Immediately, he throws his hands up in surrender.

“I didn’t—” Mo Ran starts awkwardly, trying to find the word. So much for a smooth introduction. “I didn’t mean it like that, Wanning— or I mean—”

“Shut up,” Chu Wanning cuts him off in a sour voice, turning back to his drink. He drains it in one go and pushes it towards the bartender who glances at him in some concern. “What are you doing here?”

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Mo Ran says, reaching for Chu Wanning’s glass. He pulls it towards himself, and the bartender drifts away with a shake of her head.

“Stay out of my business,” Chu Wanning orders, the command in his voice undercut by the way his words slur. He tries to yank the glass back, and Mo Ran catches his wrist, giving it a gentle squeeze.

He’s too late tonight to talk to Chu Wanning. That much is evident. It would be easy to say what he needs to say to a drunk Chu Wanning, but Mo Ran wants him to be fully present for it. Whether Chu Wanning accepts or rejects him, Mo Ran doesn’t want the decision to be written off as a drunken mistake.

Some relief fills him at the thought of being able to only focus on making sure Chu Wanning gets home safe tonight. Cowardly, the same voice tells him, but Mo Ran pointedly ignores it, choosing instead to focus on the man in front of him.

“We have an early flight tomorrow,” Mo Ran says, gently prying Chu Wanning’s hand away from the glass. “You can drink as much as you want when we reach home, but you should probably dial it back for now.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Chu Wanning says petulantly, and Mo Ran gives him a wan smile. “I’ll stay here as long as I like.”

Mo Ran’s instinctual response is an Oh, will you? but for the sake of making sure he doesn’t send Chu Wanning scurrying away into the darkness, he just slowly rubs a circle into Chu Wanning’s wrist with his thumb.

“It’s late, Wanning,” Mo Ran says, trying to keep his voice even. In reality, he wants to scoop Chu Wanning up without another word and carry him out of this bar and into the back of a cab. “Let me take you back to your hotel room, otherwise you’re going to feel like garbage tomorrow morning.”

Chu Wanning stares at him for a few moments, and when he tugs his hand out of Mo Ran’s grip, Mo Ran lets him go.

“You… you don’t have to pretend to care,” Chu Wanning says, folding his arms over his chest. “How did you know I was here?”

“Lucky guess,” Mo Ran answers lightly, already missing the shape of Chu Wanning’s wrist between his fingers. Chu Wanning narrows his eyes, and spots Mo Ran’s still full glass. He reaches for it quickly like a cat before Mo Ran can say anything, and downs more than half of it.

“I can make it back to the hotel on my own,” Chu Wanning hiccups, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You can leave.”

“C’mon,” Mo Ran leans in to plead with Chu Wanning. “I just want to make sure you get back safely. It’s late and you’re drunk and if you don’t show up to the flight tomorrow, they might seat me beside someone who likes to talk.”

Chu Wanning scoffs, but doesn’t lean away. He assesses Mo Ran instead, his glass still in hand. Mo Ran wishes he knew just exactly what was going through Chu Wanning’s head at the moment, because his face looks incredibly complicated. The frown on his face deepens, and Mo Ran panics in the face of him potentially saying no again.

“I know you may hate me,” Mo Ran blurts out and Chu Wanning blinks. A strange sensation turns in Mo Ran’s chest and some memory flickers to life, but he shoves it away to remain in the present. “But if you stay out all night, I’ll be too worried to sleep. I don’t think Uncle Xue would be too pleased if both of us accidentally missed our flight.”

Fleetingly, Chu Wanning looks… stricken. But that truly must be a trick of the light because quickly, his face is cold and irritated once more. Mo Ran waits for Chu Wanning’s answer, tempted to reach out for him once more.

Eventually, Chu Wanning huffs.

“Fine,” he says, digging into a pocket for his wallet. “Go call a car. I’ll settle this.”

“I’ve got it,” Mo Ran says, raising his hand again to catch the bartender’s attention once more, feeling somewhat relieved.

The drive back to the hotel is a blur. Chu Wanning sits pressed up against the cab door, not wanting to be too close to Mo Ran. Seeing him at the bar already had set his heart racing hard enough that it made him slightly nauseous.

Or maybe that was the excessive amount of alcohol.

Either way, if Mo Ran touches him again, Chu Wanning might do something foolish again, like sink into it. As it is, every time his eyes steal over to where Mo Ran sits on the opposite end of the backbench, his mind starts to wander and think about how it would feel if their fingers weaved together. Occasionally, Mo Ran returns his glance and Chu Wanning’s throat starts to constrict, and he has to look back out the window till the hypnotic blur of lights lulls him into drowsiness.

He comes to when the door to his side is opening, and Mo Ran’s hands are on him, grasping his biceps as he carefully hauls Chu Wanning out of the car. Chu Wanning tries to swat away the help but Mo Ran is relentless, telling Chu Wanning he needs to watch the curb as he walks.

Mo Ran only lets him go when they enter the lobby and even then, he rests a steadying palm against the nape of Chu Wanning’s neck, guiding him towards the elevators. Once they’re in an empty compartment, Chu Wanning immediately shoves Mo Ran off. 

“Be careful,” Mo Ran says as he goes back easily. “I’m only helping you.”

Chu Wanning glares at him half-heartedly; the truth is, he does not want to get rid of Mo Ran yet. If ever. But his touch is scalding, and Chu Wanning is unsure, so he keeps his distance. When they reach their floor, Mo Ran bypasses his room to help Chu Wanning into his own. Chu Wanning fumbles with his keycard, and Mo Ran has to grab it for him to unlock his door.

“You can go now,” Chu Wanning says once the door swings open, and Mo Ran huffs.

“I’ll leave when I know you’re safe,” Mo Ran says, pushing Chu Wanning into the room. “I don’t want you to choke on your own vomit.”

“I know how to take care of myself,” Chu Wanning protests but when he loses his footing, tripping over a pen on the carpet, he tries to grab Mo Ran’s elbow for support and doesn’t let go. “Why were you looking for me anyways?”

“I told you,” Mo Ran replies, holding onto Chu Wanning as Chu Wanning kicks his shoes off. “I want to make sure you get home safe. Let me get you some water.”

Mo Ran fills a paper cup with water from the tiny water filter near the kitchenette sink, just as Chu Wanning stumbles over to one of the armchairs and slumps down, trying to get his spinning head on straight. He closes his eyes again for a moment and inhales; by the time he exhales, Mo Ran is kneeling at the chair and pressing a cup into his hands.

The request to drink is silent. Chu Wanning gingerly obeys, fingers brushing against Mo Ran’s as the other man doesn’t let go of the cup. Once drained, Mo Ran sets the cup down and reaches forward, brushing Chu Wanning’s hair off his forehead. Chu Wanning leans into the touch without thinking, and immediately starts back once he realizes what he has done.

“Shh,” Mo Ran tries to soothe him, his hand sliding down to cup the side of Chu Wanning’s neck. His palm is hot against Chu Wanning’s skin, and Chu Wanning has the inebriated desire to have the hand slide down further. Mo Ran stares at him, and it burns more than any touch ever could. “When you’re sober, I need to tell you how much I like you.”

Chu Wanning’s breath seizes in his throat.

“What?” Chu Wanning says sharply as he blinks, his head bobbing forward. He couldn’t have heard properly, and his eyebrows knit together as he meets Mo Ran’s gaze. Mo Ran exhales and drops his hand from Chu Wanning’s neck to his knee, patting it lightly before removing it completely.

“When you’re sober, how much of this do you think you’ll remember?” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning sways back, head thudding against the backrest of the armchair.

“What the hell do you mean?” He mutters under his breath, and Mo Ran sighs out his nose.

"“Forget it,” Mo Ran says, and slowly gets up on his feet. He grabs Chu Wanning’s hand and starts to tug. “You should take a shower before bed. It’ll make you feel better.”

“I’m not taking a shower, idiot,” Chu Wanning says, anything but mollified as he allows himself to get yanked up.

“Wash your face then at least,” Mo Ran says, pulling Chu Wanning towards the washroom. Chu Wanning grimaces as the lights are turned on, the brightness piercing straight into his brain. He catches a glimpse of them in the mirror — Chu Wanning barely upright, Mo Ran holding onto him with utmost concern, his hand splayed across his waist as he reaches forward to turn on the tap — and his stomach does a flip at the sight.

With Mo Ran there to steady him, Chu Wanning manages to splash some cold water onto his face and cursorily brush his teeth. It doesn’t help much, but it makes him feel mildly cleaner. Mo Ran pats his face dry with great care, and Chu Wanning pushes his hands away.

“Leave me alone,” Chu Wanning says, grabbing the towel, unable to take the tenderness anymore. 

“Wanning, come on—”

“Leave me alone!” Chu Wanning has enough wherewithal to push past Mo Ran into his room, but the action of it leaves him mildly dizzy. He braces a hand against a wall and tries to take some deep breaths in as Mo Ran approaches from behind.

“I just want to take care of you,” Mo Ran says cautiously, and Chu Wanning whips around, wincing with the motion. “I don’t mean you any harm.”

“Don’t you?” Chu Wanning bites back and he knows Mo Ran is only helping him. But he’s drunk, and only his strongest emotions surge within him, drowning out any further reason.

“Oh, Wanning…” Chu Wanning hates the way Mo Ran says his name like that. It makes it too easy for Chu Wanning to project his fruitless wants. “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to say sorry or that you regret me—”

“I don’t regret you,” Mo Ran says immediately. “I just regret hurting you.”

Chu Wanning can’t make sense of it, so he steps back once, then twice, till his legs find the solid frame of his bed. He immediately collapses down, his back hitting the mattress with a soft thump.

“Wanning?” Mo Ran’s voice comes from overhead somewhere, sounding very concerned. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Chu Wanning replies, blinking up at the ceiling. His eyes lose focus and never quite regain it, clouded by something hot and wet. He blinks, and feels a tear trickle down the corner of his eye. If he had the energy, he would be vastly embarrassed.

“It’s not nothing,” Mo Ran replies, and Chu Wanning lolls his head to the side. “You’re upset.”

“Of course I am,” Chu Wanning replies without thinking.“The only time someone liked me, it’s only because they were getting paid.”

It’s a pathetic admission, but it lifts a weight off his chest. If there was any chance of Mo Ran thinking he’s aloof, it has been completely squandered now. The mattress sinks beside Chu Wanning, and cool fingers push hair off his face. Chu Wanning tries to move away from the touch.

“Wanning,” Mo Ran’s voice is a lot closer than before, and Chu Wanning hiccups. “It was genuine.”

This time when Chu Wanning shoves away Mo Ran’s touch, he doesn’t do it half-heartedly. He grabs Mo Ran’s wrist in a crushing vice grip, wrenching it away and looking at the man with red-rimmed eyes. Mo Ran hisses in pain but makes no effort to retaliate or escape.

“You don’t have to lie,” Chu Wanning hates the way his voice breaks, and misses the soft “I’m not,” that Mo Ran replies with. He lets go of Mo Ran’s hand, and Mo Ran doesn’t try to touch him again. “People tend not to like me. I don’t have anything to offer outside of my career.”

“You have so much to offer,” Mo Ran says in an attempt to be consoling that twists Chu Wanning’s insides. “So much more than what I deserved.”

Chu Wanning hates it. Hates this discussion, hates that he can’t make sense of it, hates that this is what it has come to. Hates that this was the only way for him to ever get to know Mo Ran properly, hates that he can’t keep him. Chu Wanning hates the way his consciousness slips in and out as Mo Ran unclasps his watch and gently sets it on the bedside table.

“Don’t cry,” Mo Ran soothes, and Chu Wanning hadn’t even realized tears were falling full-fledged till now. Chu Wanning tries to wipe them but his arms feel like they’re made out of lead. “Don’t cry, Wanning.”

A softhearted hand slowly brushes away the wetness on his cheek. Chu Wanning scrunches his eyes shut fully, not wanting to be here anymore. He shakes his head, and feels a shadow loom over him. There’s a soft press of lips against his forehead, and Chu Wanning feels his throat start to close up.

The pressure is gone as soon as it came, as if it was simply his imagination. It must have been. Chu Wanning chokes back a soft sob, his fingers curling in his side. Despite the emotional distress, he’s so exhausted that he’s close to falling asleep. 

Mo Ran must sense this, because he starts to tug the sheets out from underneath Chu Wanning. He undoes Chu Wanning’s belt and coils it neatly on the bedside table, before pulling a thin comforter over him. Mo Ran rolls Chu Wanning onto his side and wedges a pillow behind him so that he doesn’t end up flat on his back again.

Chu Wanning gets a glimpse of Mo Ran’s face, his handsome face, knitted with concern as he delicately manhandles Chu Wanning into a comfortable position. He’s already spun out so much that he doesn’t see the point in holding back anymore.

“It was a lie,” Chu Wanning says, not bothering to hide his dejection. Mo Ran’s eyebrows raise, and Chu Wanning spills. “It was a lie. I thought I was lucky to have you return even some of my feelings when I loved you for so long, but it was a lie. And the lie hurt.”

That’s the full extent to which he can confess, but it already feels like too much. Chu Wanning closes his eyes once more, not wanting to see Mo Ran’s face as he swears. Chu Wanning doesn’t get a reply; instead, he gets the comforter pulled up to his chin.

“Fuck,” Mo Ran’s voice is hoarse as it punctuates the silence. “I’m going to find you tomorrow.”

“It’s no point,” Chu Wanning mumbles. “If you don’t like me.”

He’s greeted with silence yet again. Chu Wanning is fine with that, because he’s losing what’s left of his lucidity anyways, the encompassing embrace of a drunken sleep finally taking over.

The dreams must already be slipping in because Chu Wanning feels something against his mouth, something that’s familiar and a lot firmer than what had been pressed to his cheeks. He parts his mouth slightly but the touch stays chaste, and only lasts for a couple more seconds.

Mo Ran presses a second kiss to the tip of Chu Wanning’s nose before drawing back.

“Get some sleep, Wanning,” Chu Wanning hears him say. If he had more energy, Chu Wanning would scoff and point out that Mo Ran’s giving unnecessary orders, since he’s already well on his way. ”Otherwise you’re going to start to spiral.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice. Chu Wanning falls into a deep, blissfully dreamless sleep, while his tangled heart finally gets a chance to rest.

Each rap on the door feels like a direct knock against Chu Wanning’s skull. He groans and rolls over, the fog of his hangover blanketing him heavily. He stares blearily at the ceiling as he tries to gain his bearings, and hears the knock again. Five seconds later, the alarm on his phone goes off, the shrill sounds blending in with the knocking, ensuring the most painful wakeup call. Chu Wanning groans, allowing himself a few more moments of disarray, throwing his arm over his head in an effort to release some of the tension he feels in his forehead.

Once he can bear it no longer, he gropes around for his phone and hits snooze, before calling out a hoarse “I’m coming.”

He lifts himself up from his bed, which feels more like a coffin at this point. Chu Wanning’s tolerance for drinking means he rarely gets hungover; however, when he does, he has truly earned it. This is one such instance, and Chu Wanning feels like he’s risen less from sleep and more from the grave. Thankfully, his visitor does not knock against the door again, sparing Chu Wanning.

Chu Wanning trudges over to the door, head in a liminal space for a few moments as he opens the door to Mo Ran fully dressed with his suitcase in tow. Chu Wanning blinks, before he remembers that they have a flight back out today.

“How are you feeling?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning ignores the question.

“When’s our cab coming?”

“Twenty minutes,” Mo Ran replies and Chu Wanning inwardly grimaces. “You didn’t pick up my calls, so I thought I’d drop by and see if you were alright.”

“If I was alright?” Chu Wanning parrots back, managing enough dignity to raise a thin eyebrow. He knows though, if he’s waking up feeling like death warmed over, then Mo Ran likely has a reason for concern. 

“Yeah, y’know,” Mo Ran waves vaguely, allowing awkwardness to rapidly fall over them. Mo Ran makes another indecipherable sound, and Chu Wanning gapes at him. The other man’s ears are turning pink, something that is novel to Chu Wanning. “…Do you remember anything from last night?”

Chu Wanning does and he doesn’t. He remembers getting excessively drunk, and he remembers Mo Ran hauling him back to his hotel. He remembers bits and pieces of the evening, but just last time, he was truly well and gone last night. Maybe Mo Ran had helped him into his room… Chu Wanning truly doesn’t remember. 

Shit. He must have made a fool out of himself. 

His stomach churns with the memory of how much he drank, nausea sitting at the base of his throat. 

There are other fragments of the night he recollects too. Mo Ran’s cologne, the security of his arm around Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning making a concentrated effort to not speak. He thinks maybe he did, maybe a little, but he can’t remember what he said. Or if Mo Ran replied. 

It’s just another thing to be embarrassed about. 

Damn. He had tried so hard to avoid Mo Ran and yet he’s found himself here, standing in the doorway of his hotel room, silence stretching awkwardly between them. Mo Ran clears his throat gently, and Chu Wanning decides on an answer.

“Shut up,” he says eloquently, and steps to the side so that Mo Ran can come in.

Chu Wanning flees to the shower with his cleanest pair of khaki slacks and a white shirt. By the time he’s come out, Mo Ran has already packed the clothes that had been strewn all over the room. The scattered sheets have been picked up off the floor, and his briefcase sits neatly on top. It’s incredibly impressive, especially given Chu Wanning’s shower had been less of a shower and more of him standing under the cold spray, trying to get his brain kickstarted as he stared at the grout.

“Thank you,” Chu Wanning murmurs, so quiet that he doesn’t think Mo Ran would have heard it. But Mo Ran gives him a faint smile in return, a genuine one that Chu Wanning feels like he hasn’t seen in a long time. He wants to reach out to Mo Ran, prod him and ask him to detail the night from his point of view. He also just wants to reach out to Mo Ran in general, feel his touch, make sure he’s tangible in front of him.

They do not say a word, not till they reach the airport. Mo Ran tries once, in the car, a soft “Hey” that indicates he wants to talk, but Chu Wanning holds up a hand and brings an end before that conversation begins. He thinks he vaguely remembers Mo Ran trying to talk yesterday, but Chu Wanning doesn’t want to think too deeply about what was said, or what his response was. It’s enough that he has to figure out where to place sleeping with Mo Ran again on the timeline of his life. In the event their conversation last night was excruciatingly embarrassing, Chu Wanning wants that plausible deniability. 

In the airport, Mo Ran gets them both coffee. The caffeine helps settle Chu Wanning’s brain and when they board the plane, Mo Ran gives him a small, wrapped milk candy to take along with his other meds. It is surprisingly caring, and Chu Wanning narrows his eyes at him. Mo Ran puts his hands up wordlessly, and Chu Wanning pops it into his mouth, trying his best not to look like he’s enjoying the sweetness.

There is one bonus to the bone-deep, hangover-induced exhaustion; Chu Wanning lulls off to sleep before the flight takes off, the coffee having done nothing to actually wake him up. It is a relief because if he is not conscious, he does not stew in his shame or anxiety. Instead, he has a thankfully dreamless sleep, interrupted only by a slightly rocky landing. That has him clutching his seat in hidden despair but by then, they’re already on the ground.

Chu Wanning does not waste any time once they’ve exited the building of the airport, and quickly flags down a cab in the waiting area. Mo Ran follows him in the name of helping out. 

“Where are you heading?” Mo Ran asks, opening the door for him and Chu Wanning responds with a “Home.” 

Mo Ran looks contemplative, like he wants an invite to share. Chu Wanning is about to extend him one — after all, it would be good to reciprocate some of the kindness Mo Ran has shown him this morning — but Mo Ran perks up as another taxi pulls up behind Chu Wanning’s, and immediately turns heel. 

“I’ll see you at work then,” Mo Ran says over his shoulder amicably, nodding at the driver as he turns back around. Chu Wanning watches as Mo Ran’s back retreats towards the car, hauling his suitcase into the trunk. Mo Ran gives him a wave before he slides into the back, closing the door as Chu Wanning simply stares back.

“Where to, boss?” the driver of the taxi he’s commandeered pipes up, and Chu Wanning’s attention snaps back to the car.

He ends up asking to go home. He originally planned to go to Sisheng, but he’s not necessarily expected in office today. Perhaps a shower and sleep will do him a lot better. And… It's not like Mo Ran will be there waiting at Sisheng for him.

That may really just have been the way they departed of a tumultuous few days. 

A banal send-off makes his stomach turn more than an argumentative one. Chu Wanning knows it’s not the end of the world, and he was the one who stopped any attempts at conversation. But having everything reduced down to a few cursory niceties stings after such a charged week feels so… so…

Chu Wanning’s brain is too muddled and tired to figure out what he’s feeling. There is a chance he’s overthinking.  So instead, he closes his eyes, letting his forehead rest against the cool glass as the cab takes him home, determined to finally rid his head of all thoughts, once and for all.

In the other cab— 

Mo Ran may not truly know Chu Wanning as a person, not to the full extent anyways. However there is one way in which Mo Ran knows him inside out, and that is Chu Wanning as a worker.

Chu Wanning has gone home for now. That, Mo Ran doesn’t doubt as he directs his own taxi to Sisheng. He most likely doesn’t want to be in the building at the same time as Mo Ran. However, they both still have work to do, and Chu Wanning isn’t typically the one to skimp out. Thus, Mo Ran has an idea.

The first thing he does when he reaches Sisheng is march straight up to Chu Wanning’s office. Chu Wanning doesn’t want to talk— fine. He doesn’t need to. But Mo Ran wants to talk to him, and wants to make sure Chu Wanning’s at least heard the full breadth of both his apologies and his feelings. 

And hear them sober. Their drunken tryst is still a hazy memory to him, but last night, Mo Ran’s brain parted the fog on some of it. It had been when he had been getting ready for bed in his own hotel room, and he had almost dropped the drink he had poured for himself from the mini fridge.

He thinks he told Chu Wanning that he loves him. He wouldn’t be surprised. Mo Ran’s mouth must have gotten loose when he was drunk. He doesn’t know if Chu Wanning remembers either, or if what Mo Ran recollects is even true. There’s another memory, one of Chu Wanning telling him with no venom and all hurt that he hates him, but Mo Ran is uncertain of that one as well. 

All he truly knows is that he needs to tell Chu Wanning when they’re both not drunk and both able to actually remember. Then at least, if and when Chu Wanning rejects him, he will do so knowing Mo Ran in his entirety. Mo Ran had let him go without any resistance at the airport, just to make it easier for him to catch him later. 

Chu Wanning’s secretary is at their desk, finishing a call when Mo Ran approaches. Mo Ran’s greeted with a cool, impassive look that has no doubt been inherited from the boss. It doesn’t melt, even when Mo Ran flashes a big smile and asks if he can get scheduled into a late evening meeting with Chu Wanning this evening.

“He’s not in the office,” the secretary says, and Mo Ran’s expression doesn’t falter, despite how tightly wound he is on the inside.

“It’s work related,” he says, and clears his throat. “He’ll be expecting me anyways. If he doesn’t see it in his schedule, he’s just going to chew heads off.”

The secretary looks at him with some reluctance, and Mo Ran’s about to attempt a bribe when they sigh out their nose and turn to the monitor.

“Your funeral,” the secretary says, without even questioning the fact that their boss would be back and working till late. Mo Ran keeps the ludicrous smile pasted on till he leaves the office, hoping that he can convince his body to not feel any nervousness anymore.

He’s found himself in this situation so often that Mo Ran’s starting to become neurotic every time he gears up to talk to Chu Wanning. He checks his reflection in the closed doors of the elevator as it dings with each floor, adjusting his tie for the hundredth time. He has been in the office the entire afternoon, not bothering to go home, and he’s called in a favour with Xue Meng to see if Chu Wanning had actually returned in the evening as Mo Ran predicted he would.

Sure enough, Chu Wanning had. And now, Mo Ran is on his way to honour their appointment. 

Though, he doubts that Chu Wanning will entertain it.

Perhaps he’ll be missing this time, instead of drunk. Mo Ran won’t be surprised if Chu Wanning has absconded, knowing that Mo Ran is on his way. Mo Ran doesn’t know what will be worse— having to hunt Chu Wanning down again, or having to wait till they share a mutually sober moment.

Not that he minded taking care of Chu Wanning last time. Especially when Chu Wanning had let slip a little secret of his own. Mo Ran’s world had been utterly rocked by that drunken confession, and it’s the only thing giving him enough courage to keep trying to shove his way into Chu Wanning’s path. Mo Ran has decided he’s not going to question the sincerity of it yet. Nor is he going to bring it up to Chu Wanning, not until he’s utterly sure that Chu Wanning feels the same way.

No, this is going to be a time where Mo Ran is going to leave himself bare and vulnerable, and hope for the best. 

The elevator dings and opens to Chu Wanning's floor. Mo Ran strides out with as much confidence as he can, straightening his suit and nodding to some of the people passing by on their way out. He sees Chu Wanning’s office in the distance, his secretary already dismissed, and Mo Ran marches forward, clearing his brain as he does so.

He doesn’t want to overcomplicate things this time otherwise he’s going to lose his bravado. He doesn’t want to get so wrapped up in it either that he sounds like he’s pushing Chu Wanning. Mo Ran has to strike a tricky balance between telling Chu Wanning the whole truth without imposing it. He doesn’t have a game plan per se; the only guidance he gives himself as he raises a hand to knock sharply on the door, is to not be an idiot.

There is silence on the other end. Half the lights are on and Mo Ran can see Chu Wanning’s silhouette through the frosted glass, but he waits patiently for another thirty seconds. Once that passes, he knocks again, and again. The silhouette shifts and Mo Ran tenses. Nothing happens. Instead, he can make out Chu Wanning sitting down. Mo Ran leans in, trying to see if he can hear anything like a phone conversation or meeting. He looks around and impulsively, reaches for the door handle.

It’s unlocked. 

Before the spirit of properiety seizes him, Mo Ran pushes open the door to Chu Wanning’s office. Chu Wanning’s sitting at his desk, decidedly not on his phone, staring intensely at a screen. His eyes aren’t moving, so Mo Ran takes it as a good time to step in.

“Director Chu,” Mo Ran greets casually as he casts a look over his shoulder. The hallway looks rather empty, but he closes the door as he enters the office anyways, wanting to reduce the risk of people accidentally peeking in to what could very well be another fight or a harsh rejection.

Or good news, but Mo Ran is not going to give himself false hope. Chu Wanning barely makes a sound as Mo Ran quietly locks the door with a click and makes his way over. To be honest, Mo Ran is a little surprised Chu Wanning’s here. If he were to place money, it would have been on Chu Wanning running away.

“Are you feeling better?” Mo Ran asks as he takes a seat at the chair opposite Chu Wanning’s side of his desk. Chu Wanning’s jaw clenches, but he does not reply, nor does he look at Mo Ran. Mo Ran wonders if he’s remembered any parts of their ill-fated drunken hookup. Maybe together they can put together the full picture and figure themselves out. “I knew you’d be back at this time, Chu-laoshi.”

Chu Wanning twitches at the old address, his eyes flicking towards Mo Ran for a brief moment before he looks back at the screen. Mo Ran reaches forward and plucks a pen out of the penholder, just to have something to fiddle with and channel his nerves through. He bites his lower lip as they sit in awkward silence for a painfully long two minutes, Chu Wanning finally finding something to read on his screen so he doesn’t look too obvious about ignoring Mo Ran. 

Mo Ran allows it to go on for thirty more seconds after that before he finally speaks.

“Did you tell Uncle how our closing speech went?” Mo Ran asks, and Chu Wanning makes a non-committal noise. “Did he say anything?”

“I will tell him tomorrow,” Chu Wanning says in a clipped voice, still not looking at him. “I’m sure it will be fine. We performed adequately.”

It’s high praise coming from Chu Wanning, though not entirely undeserved. They did a good enough job given both of them were hungover and suffering from emotional whiplash. Mo Ran had been so on the edge the entire time, he had been perpetually three seconds away from declaring his intentions towards Chu Wanning in front of the entire auditorium. Chu Wanning may have properly killed him at that time, and Mo Ran would have deserved it.

“We made some good connections there too,” Mo Ran adds, and Chu Wanning simply huffs. Mo Ran’s thoughts temporarily drift towards Hua Binan, but he quickly reins them back, feeling mildly irritated that the man showed up in his head to begin with. “I think overall, it was a pretty successful trip.”

That elicits a reaction from Chu Wanning, albeit a faint one. The tips of his ears turn just the slightest pink, and Mo Ran has a faint idea of what must have just run through Chu Wanning’s head. Chu Wanning clears his throat, but doesn’t say anything.

It looks like he’s going to attempt to be impenetrable. Which is fair. Mo Ran weighs his options for a moment; this thing has been sitting on his chest like an anvil for so long, that there is no point in avoiding it anymore. He has Chu Wanning here, present and sober, and if he doesn’t want to talk, that’s fine.

Mo Ran has plenty to say for both of them.

“Wanning,” Mo Ran calls out, and he watches Chu Wanning squeeze his computer mouse while his face remains neutral. “I wanted to talk about something else.”

“Is it company related?” Chu Wanning asks coolly, and Mo Ran shakes his head.

“You know that it’s not,” Mo Ran says softly, and Chu Wanning visibly tenses.

“Then why are you wasting my time with a meeting?” Chu Wanning says curtly, and Mo Ran lets out a short laugh. Chu Wanning clearly is on the edge, but there is something hilariously obstinate about his words that makes Mo Ran’s heart full.

“You wouldn’t let me find you any other way,” Mo Ran says easily, and Chu Wanning sighs after a moment, heavy and world-weary. His eyes drift close and he inhales deeply, before fully turning towards Mo Ran. “I’m not going to kill you, Wanning. You don’t have to look like that.”

Chu Wanning still looks like he’s about to face his executioner. 

A few more deep breaths later, Chu Wanning opens his eyes and stares right at Mo Ran, his gaze piercing straight through Mo Ran. Mo Ran forgets himself momentarily as he’s faced with the full force of Chu Wanning. With a clean face and only the slightest hint of dark circles under his eyes, Chu Wanning does not look like he stepped off a flight he had to take while hungover. 

Instead, he looks like he is scrutinizing Mo Ran closely for any hint of a lie. It does not bother Mo Ran. Chu Wanning’s gaze may be naturally commanding to others but to Mo Ran, it makes him badly want to reach forward and pull Chu Wanning onto his desk, and show him with deep sincerity the extent of how he feels. 

But, this is a time to use words.

“I’m sorry,” Mo Ran starts, and Chu Wanning immediately makes a derisive noise. 

“You’ve said that already,” Chu Wanning points out, and Mo Ran nods.

“And I’m saying it again,” Mo Ran says. These words are coming easy to him, but it’s because they aren’t anything new to him. The next part will be harder. “I am sorry I deceived you. I regret hurting you. But I do not regret you.”

Chu Wanning twitches, but his face remains the same. He’s not slow with his response either. 

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” Chu Wanning replies, his eyes still distrustful. Mo Ran knows he’s started the conversation with a great disadvantage, and he has to tiptoe a line carefully so as to not risk losing Chu Wanning. 

At that thought, his collar suddenly feels a little uncomfortable, and he wants to loosen his tie. Mo Ran’s gaze remains steady but inside, his heartbeat has started to ratchet upwards. The urge to fidget hits him again, but he doesn’t want to flip a pen around like a fool while trying to have a serious conversation. He pushes his chair back and Chu Wanning watches, bemused, as Mo Ran stands up.

“Mo Ran?” Chu Wanning says, raising an eyebrow and Mo Ran sheepishly asks him, “Do you want a drink?”

“No?” Chu Wanning blinks, and Mo Ran makes his way over to the small bar counter behind Chu Wanning’s desk. It had been there since the last director, and the stock hasn’t changed much. The temptation to pour himself a proper drink is strong, and he gets as far as picking out the small bottle of scotch normally reserved to impress clients. But before he pours, he pauses.

Don’t fuck this up.

He’s held it in for too long, which has only caused him more problems. Mo Ran can’t try to distract himself or use a crutch every time he comes close to saying something important, so he sets the bottle down and turns around. Chu Wanning’s already swiveled his chair around to look at Mo Ran, caution written all over his face.

The bravado that has been fuelling him all morning is faltering as a hundred different scenarios run through Mo Ran’s head, scenarios where Chu Wanning rejects him, where he tells him that he may have loved him but does not anymore. Mo Ran will never truly know the outcome though, not unless he talks. 

It is Mo Ran’s turn to close his eyes and sigh, mentally preparing himself. This could be the only chance he has to tell Chu Wanning as much as he can, to be completely transparent about his feelings. If he doesn’t use it properly, he will have no one to blame but himself.

Chu Wanning repeats his name, and Mo Ran opens his eyes. Trepidation hangs between the two of them, each unsure of what the other is thinking right this moment. 

“I mean it when I say I’m sorry,” Mo Ran says quietly. Chu Wanning opens his mouth, presumably to remind him briskly he’s already said that, but Mo Ran cuts him off before he starts. ”But I don’t think I’ve given you a good idea of how much, Wanning. I am sorry I hurt you, and I am sorry I didn’t tell you the truth about the bet. I should have told you from the get go.”

Chu Wanning’s face briefly contorts into disappointment, before he visibly catches himself and smooths his expression out. He leans back in his chair, away from Mo Ran, but Mo Ran isn’t finished yet.

“It would have been the right thing to do,” Mo Ran says, not wanting to lose Chu Wanning in this conversation yet. “Because— because, Wanning, I had learned how you truly were as a person. I thought I knew before, but I never truly did, did I?”

Chu Wanning’s expression goes funny at that, and he tries to cut him off with a “Mo Ran—”. But Mo Ran isn’t letting anything get in the way. Not even Chu Wanning. Not even himself. So he pushes on. 

“I didn’t know that you were kind, and that you put others before you. I didn’t know that when you did your best, you didn’t just do it for yourself but you did it for others.

“You already told me—”

“I didn’t know either,” Mo Ran continues. His thoughts are a jumble, and he frantically works to filter through all his words coherently. “The way that you laugh, or the way that you look when someone gets you your favourite sweets. Or that you don’t like to cook. I didn’t know what you look like when you’ve been walking in the cold air for too long, and I didn’t know you use stickers when you text.” 

And before his courage completely runs out, Mo Ran also adds a, “I didn’t know that you run naturally cold, or that you’re actually a dog person. And I didn’t know that you like getting kissed behind your ear.“

Chu Wanning stares at Mo Ran, mouth partially open as Mo Ran pushes off the bar and steps forward. He doesn’t want to crowd Chu Wanning, and he doesn’t want to seem too casual and impertinent by leaning against his desk.

So Mo Ran kneels down near Chu Wanning’s chair, grabbing it by the arm rest so that Chu Wanning can’t push away. Up close, Chu Wanning doesn’t look stern. Instead, he has an entirely different expression on, one that Mo Ran cannot identify but so badly wants to unsnarl. 

“You hate me,” Mo Ran states quietly as he looks up at Chu Wanning, and Chu Wanning blinks.

“I don’t,” Chu Wanning replies, and Mo Ran gives him a self-deprecating grin.

“You have every right to,” Mo Ran says, ignoring the way his chest has started to pre-emptively ache. He didn’t expect Chu Wanning to fall into his arms, but the other man still has his guard up. Mo Ran knows that there is a low chance he can bring it down. “And you have every right not to accept my apology. But I can’t let you go without letting you know that I am grateful that I learned all these things about you.“

Mo Ran doesn’t come closer to Chu Wanning, but he lets the armrest go. Chu Wanning doesn’t push away; instead, his brows furrow once more as he looks down on Mo Ran.

“It became real very fast for me,” Mo Ran says, swallowing down the remainder of his nerves. “I was scared to tell you because I was falling for you, Wanning. I didn’t know what to do with myself.” The words get trapped easily in his throat, but he’ll be damned if he leaves without saying it all. “You haven’t left my mind since I first stepped foot in Sisheng but this… I had never felt this way before.”

Now that it is out there, now that he has started properly rolling, Mo Ran feels some of his courage return, even though Chu Wanning has a stricken look on his face. He can’t keep thinking of what he wishes he could say; he has to draw on all his honesty and just say it. 

“I tried to deny it, but I couldn’t,” Mo Ran says. “And I was trying to work myself up to telling you, I promise. I wanted to tell you about it and the bet  and how it made me realize that I’ve been an idiot for so long for not realizing how special you are. I wanted to tell you that I am genuine, Wanning. I want you genuinely. I’m really fucking gone on you.”

Chu Wanning doesn’t reply, but doesn’t fight either when Mo Ran reaches for his hand. He runs a thumb over Chu Wanning’s knuckles, tracing the ridges as he studies Chu Wanning’s lap. 

“I’ve never met anyone like you,” Mo Ran says. “I can’t imagine meeting anyone like you. When I told you I liked you before, I meant it.”

It’s only then does Mo Ran dare to look up at Chu Wanning’s face. Even though the expression he wears is complicated, Chu Wanning still displays such graceful handsomeness. With all the sincerity he has ever felt in his life, Mo Ran draws out the final confession he has and puts it out into the world, irrevocably so.

“I love you, Chu Wanning.”

He gets no response, nor does he get a reaction. Chu Wanning stares at Mo Ran, unblinking. Like before, Mo Ran had thought he had a handle on reading some of Chu Wanning’s expressions. He realizes right now all that knowledge is moot. He would kill to be able to read at least a fraction of Chu Wanning’s mind, to know what is going through it at this moment. 

Chu Wanning’s mouth opens, but he still doesn’t speak. Apprehension starts to build as more silence passes between them, itching uncomfortably within Mo Ran.

“You… you don’t have to want me back,” Mo Ran says contritely. A ludicrous thought crosses his mind for a moment, about whether he should fully get on his hands and knees to kowtow. He considered it in all seriousness. “You don’t have to like me back. I don’t deserve someone as good as you, but I just… I just wanted you to know that I genuinely do care for you. And I am being honest about my feelings.”

Still, nothing.

An endless, continuous nothing. 

The longer Chu Wanning goes without speaking the heavier the dread within Mo Ran gets. He miscalculated by far. The feelings Chu Wanning had spoken about when he was drunk had clearly been in the past. Even then, Chu Wanning had not mentioned anything explicitly saying that those feelings were still there.

Fuck. Even imagining all the possible ways Chu Wanning could reject him hasn’t prepared Mo Ran for the real thing. The atmosphere in the room starts to squeeze his heart in a vice grip; the crushing sensation in his chest is deserved though, for everything. 

Mo Ran has no one left to hate but himself, but that is not new. Self-loathing is one of his most familiar talents. Losing someone like Chu Wanning can sit neatly on top of his pile of personal failures. Yet he cannot close it off as neatly as that, cannot compartmentalize it as easily as he has other things. 

This one will stick with him for a long time.

“You’re allowed to still hate me,” Mo Ran says hastily. “You don’t have to return my feelings. I’ll stay out of your way from now, I just—”

The rest of his rambling is cut off by the clumsy but firm press of lips against his. Mo Ran’s eyes widen and he raises his hands, unsure where to put them first as he suddenly finds himself occupied with Chu Wanning. He is so stunned that he does not register the hurried kiss till Chu Wanning’s pulling back, a full flush of emotion evident on his face.

Some dam must have broken within him because the cool, impassive Chu Wanning is gone. Chu Wanning leans forward further in his chair, and grips the lapel of Mo Ran’s suit. His cheeks are pink, as are the tips of his ears, and the colour is rapidly spreading down his neck.

“How do I know you’re not bluffing?” Chu Wanning demands more than asks, and Mo Ran circles his fingers around the wrist holding him. He doesn’t move to pull him off, just squeezes lightly.

“I’ve never been more honest about anything in my life,” Mo Ran says solemnly, looking up at Chu Wanning. “And if you don’t believe that, I’ll drag that Mei Hanxue down to Sisheng by his ear and get him to confirm it.”

Chu Wanning’s expression goes unsure, and Mo Ran leans up. He takes a chance and presses a soft kiss to the corner of Chu Wanning’s mouth, and Chu Wanning immediately turns to look at him.

“Are you sure about this, Mo Ran?” Chu Wanning asks, and Mo Ran does not draw too far away as he answers, first with another fleeting kiss, one that he desperately wants to turn into something more, and then with the words he should have been using from the get go.

“I don’t know how I can learn to love anyone the way I love you. Why wouldn’t I be sure?”

Chu Wanning lets out a soft sound, not quite a sigh. Mo Ran knows he looks like a fool, kneeling on the carpet in the office, but he pays no mind to it. He can faintly smell Chu Wanning’s soap, his cologne, he can sense Chu Wanning’s own nervousness and uncertainty. 

“Tell me how to prove myself to you,” Mo Ran murmurs quietly. “I’ll do anything for you, Wanning.”

Chu Wanning visibly swallows, and lets go of Mo Ran’s suit. He keeps his palm rested against Mo Ran’s chest and Mo Ran does not let his wrist go. He doesn’t push Chu Wanning either; Mo Ran simply patiently waits till Chu Wanning is ready to speak.

“It’s overwhelming,” Chu Wanning says finally, looking at Mo Ran. "I don’t know what to say.” His eyes are searching, like he’s still wary. “I wanted to run away.”

Mo Ran’s hopeful look falters slightly, but Chu Wanning does not pull back. Instead, he closes his eyes. Mo Ran wants to ask him why, but the moment between them is fragile. He doesn’t want to shatter it because of his belligerent need to know.

“I feel the same way,” Chu Wanning says, and Mo Ran blinks. He doesn’t hear them at first, his body too stunned to process it. 

Then syllable by syllable, the words settle in and his world suddenly restructures itself. He exhales sharply and he can’t fight his immediate urge to lean up and kiss Chu Wanning once more.

This time they have more coordination, and more eagerness than the last one. It’s their first kiss when they have both laid out the truth and bared themselves to each other; it feels like the first proper kiss they had shared so long ago, drenched in the stairwell of Chu Wanning’s apartment building.

Except there is more electricity, and more certainty here. A slew of feelings ricochet within him but all Mo Ran registers is utter elation and relief, braiding around his heart as he tilts his head just enough to capture Chu Wanning’s mouth more wholly. He finally lets go of Chu Wanning’s hand, only to twine his fingers through his hair and pull him down, closer to Mo Ran.

Chu Wanning follows obediently, sliding forward off the chair. Not wanting to accidentally hurt him, Mo Ran steadies him with his other hand on his waist before he falls off fully. Chu Wanning doesn’t push forward, but he does subtly part his mouth in invitation. Mo Ran accepts it, pushing upwards. He’s still kneeling, but he’s tall enough that Chu Wanning has to start to sit up straight as Mo Ran straightens himself.

This moment is so soft and so plush, and it is all his. Mo Ran would be in hysteria over his luck if he wasn’t so quickly absorbed into it, so utterly consumed with the taste of Chu Wanning against him once more. 

I feel the same way, Chu Wanning had said. The words ring within Mo Ran’s head and makes him even more hungry in the way he kisses Chu Wanning. He registers hands coming to rest on his shoulders, and the kiss swells between them.

It is only when Chu Wanning makes an accidental sound, a slip of a thing in between their lips moving together, that Mo Ran finally manages to regain some control. He breaks off the kiss and reluctantly lets Chu Wanning go. Mo Ran steadies himself on the arm rests as he looks at Chu Wanning.

“I…you…” Mo Ran starts and stops, unable to find the words. Chu Wanning is bright pink, clearly at a loss as well. Mo Ran eventually settles on the same thing as before; honesty. “I’m very happy, Wanning. You make me very happy.”

Chu Wanning is on the verge of a reply, when a sharp knock cuts them off. Both men startle, and Mo Ran immediately leaps to his feet while Chu Wanning pushes his chair back behind his desk and straightens his collar. They look at each other for a moment, wild-eyed, and Mo Ran lets out a short laugh.

Because of course, they would be interrupted at a time like this.

“Let me get that,” Mo Ran says, while Chu Wanning hisses a “Make yourself presentable first.”

Mo Ran straightens out his collar just as the knocking comes a second time, and he approaches the door. He unlocks it and opens it to see Janitor Liu waiting there with his hefty vacuuming equipment, asking if it’s okay for him to come in and finish the cleaning. Mo Ran casts a glance at Chu Wanning over his shoulder, but Chu Wanning has gone back to staring at his computer screen in favour of ignoring the situation. He does, though, give the subtlest nod.

“Of course,” Mo Ran says, turning back to Janitor Liu with a barely concealed smile. “We’re just on our way out.”

It makes no sense to separate; if it had been suggested, he would have gone along with it, but thankfully, Mo Ran offered to get them dinner as soon as they stepped out of Chu Wanning’s office. Chu Wanning had, for his part, given Mo Ran a dubious look, but Mo Ran had simply held up his hands to show his innocence. 

“No funny business,” Mo Ran had said. “I promise. I just want to be in your company a little longer, Wanning.” 

Chu Wanning had no plans to say no to anything back then, and he doesn’t now either. Which is good, because he’s currently getting pressed into the sofa cushions, clinging on to Mo Ran as they continue the kiss from the office, albeit fiercer and more unruly than before. Kissing Mo Ran is addictive, as is his touch, and where Chu Wanning thinks he’s saving face by not admitting it out loud, his efforts get negated by how pliable he turns under Mo Ran’s hands.

They can’t even pretend that it started innocently enough. The two of them had plans to go to a restaurant, but Mo Ran had said something about being tired and wanting to just order in, and Chu Wanning had hummed in agreement.

“I’ll drop you home after dinner,” Mo Ran had said, and Chu Wanning had shrugged.

“Right,” Chu Wanning said faintly. “No funny business.”

Whatever disappointment Chu Wanning had pretended not to feel was both unwarranted and temporary. The moment they stepped through the doors and Mo Ran helped Chu Wanning out of his jacket, the draw between them was too strong. Mo Ran had kissed Chu Wanning and said something about figuring out where to order delivery from, and continued to move his lips against Chu Wanning’s without waiting for an answer. 

Both their phones were forgotten in jacket pockets, as was the idea of ordering any food, in favour of Mo Ran walking them backwards towards the living room. Mo Ran had sat Chu Wanning down on the couch and said that they really should order dinner; Chu Wanning simply bit his lip in contemplation and Mo Ran had been on him, kissing him again.

Chu Wanning still wonders if he is imagining things, if Mo Ran really is slotted between his legs, one hand on Chu Wanning’s thigh and another up his shirt as he sucks on Chu Wanning’s bottom lip. If Mo Ran really had told Chu Wanning that he loved him.

It makes his heart spin like a top in his chest and makes him dizzy with anticipation. The confession had turned him into a statue for a few minutes in his office as he waited for a hint, any hint that Mo Ran’s words were just an elaborate prank or insincere. But Chu Wanning could only find honesty in those dark, earnest eyes.

Some part of himself had screamed internally that it might just be another lie, another deception. But then Mo Ran had been in his space and Chu Wanning instinctually drew near, and his gut told him that the man kneeling in front of him meant his apologies.

The memory of it has Chu Wanning gripping Mo Ran by the biceps, hard enough to bruise. He wants to touch too, but he’s not as brazen or experienced as Mo Ran. He’s also still reeling from the day’s events, and feels like he’ll drift out of his body if he’s not too careful.

Mo Ran kisses him so thoroughly in ways that Chu Wanning has fantasized about many times. It is so easy to do this without any secrets or anger between them that it feels foreign to Chu Wanning, like he’s getting a taste of something forbidden.

But he’s allowed this, he thinks. He doesn’t know what he’s done to earn it, but for all his ability to do penance, Chu Wanning decides that for once, he is not going to deprive himself.

“Wanning,” Mo Ran says in between their kisses, his voice hoarse with want. “We should— we should order food.”

“Go do it then,” Chu Wanning responds, not easing up his hold on Mo Ran’s arms. Mo Ran doesn’t make any kind of move either. Tentatively, Chu Wanning brings up the leg that had been dangling over the side of his sofa so that he can hook it over Mo Ran’s, and Mo Ran raises his eyebrows.

“When did you get so bold?” he asks, and Chu Wanning simply replies with a scornful look. It makes Mo Ran grin, and Chu Wanning has never been a strong man when faced with those dimples. Mo Ran buries his smile in the crook of Chu Wanning’s neck and starts kissing him there, hot and wet and eager.

He loves him. Mo Ran had said he loves him. Chu Wanning had taken a chance and returned it. Those words mean as much as the apology to him, if not more. The sentiments work in tandem, Chu Wanning thinks, and he is thankful for that. He has spent the past few days mulling over what it would have meant to not have Mo Ran in his life anymore, and the anticipation of it had been eating away at him.

His lips feel bruised, but Chu Wanning does not want them to stop. He has always been good at controlling his greed and desire, however that control has never had to face anything like this.

A hand slowly skims over his ribs before drifting over his chest and thumbing at the fabric there. Chu Wanning exhales as Mo Ran nips at his earlobe, running his tongue over the sensitive freckle in a way that makes Chu Wanning shudder. Yet, it’s still all relatively chaste. 

Chu Wanning knows that Mo Ran’s hands are clever and capable but Mo Ran has only groped him here and there so far. He hasn’t even tried to untuck Chu Wanning’s shirt fully, probably because—

“Fuck,” Mo Ran groans against the junction of Chu Wanning’s jaw. His voice reverberates through Chu Wanning’s skin, and he reaches down to pull Chu Wanning’s leg up by the thigh, properly wrapping it around himself. “I didn’t bring you over just for this, Wanning. I just wanted to spend some time with you.”

Chu Wanning doesn’t know how to properly tell Mo Ran what he wants. That he’s okay if they don’t sit and continue to pour out the rest of their feelings today. That he can understand, too, if they ebb and flow with their bodies instead of their words. That he badly wishes for Mo Ran to touch him more, to kiss him and hold him and see for himself that Chu Wanning is also sincere.

“I’m not mad at you,” Chu Wanning settles on saying instead, and eases up the hold he had on Mo Ran’s shoulders. He wants to touch Mo Ran too, but doesn’t know where to start. 

Swallowing down any compunctions, he decides to cup Mo Ran’s face lightly with one of his hands, fingers running nimbly across the length of his jaw before his palm settles. Mo Ran looks down at him, his eyes slightly wide, like he can’t fully comprehend what’s happening. Chu Wanning has seen that expression a lot in the past hour, and he wonders if it means that Mo Ran is in as much disbelief as Chu Wanning is.

‘You said you wanted to run away,” Mo Ran says, looking equally kiss-bitten. Chu Wanning sighs, but does not drop his hand. “I don’t want to push too far.”

“I thought I was being a foolish old man,” Chu Wanning says honestly. “I… there’s not much about me that’s ever appealed to others, Mo Ran. So I don’t know what to do when someone… someone…”

He can’t even bring it to words, and he tears his gaze away, embarrassed. Mo Ran calls his name, but Chu Wanning doesn’t look back at him, trying to regroup so that he doesn’t say anything else that’s pathetic. Mo Ran is undeterred; he drops his weight down fully against Chu Wanning, their lower halves properly connecting, and it’s enough to pull Chu Wanning’s eyes back to him.

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” Mo Ran says. “There’s no one else like you, Wanning.”

“Nonsense,” Chu Wanning says, but they’re already drawing towards each other, their lips meeting again.

This, Chu Wanning understands. This both quells the panic and stirs something fresh within him, stokes the embers into a flame. Mo Ran’s lips are soft and insistent against his, moving with intent. Chu Wanning lets Mo Ran guide them, moving his lips in whichever way Mo Ran directs him. 

Mo Ran presses his entire body against Chu Wanning’s in a hard line, tilting his head so that he can kiss him better. Chu Wanning can’t help but moan lightly, and it turns the grip Mo Ran has on his thigh crushing. The sofa is nowhere near big enough for the two of them, the lack of space fusing their bodies together.

Chu Wanning dares to drop his hand low and rest it on Mo Ran’s hip. Mo Ran has let own his hands roam in so many ways all over Chu Wanning, that Chu Wanning thinks that this should not be anything special. Mo Ran’s breath hitches as Chu Wanning slowly untucks his shirt, and slides his hand under the silky fabric, feeling out the warm skin. 

Immediately, Mo Ran sits back up on his haunches. Chu Wanning feels his ears turn a flaming red and he starts to hastily apologize and sit up when Mo Ran holds him down with a palm to his chest.

“I don’t want you thinking this is all I want,” Mo Ran says, his own face flushed and eyes bright with desire. “I want all of you, Chu Wanning, and not just here, like this. I want us to belong to each other.”

I already belong to you, Chu Wanning thinks, but can’t say. Instead, he just gives a small nod. He knows Mo Ran is being cautious and courteous, given the circumstances. And maybe Chu Wanning should have his head on his shoulders a little more, without falling into bed with Mo Ran immediately.

It’s just that lust and love have been so deeply intertwined within him, that he yearns for both, yearns to be shown both. And he yearns to be shown it by Mo Ran, yearns to be desired by him in all ways. The echoes of their previous trysts still reverberate within him and Chu Wanning wants to drown them out with something new, fresher, made on a clean slate.

Mo Ran must comprehend it without Chu Wanning having to verbalize it. Chu Wanning can tell, by the way that Mo Ran’s eyes narrow momentarily. Chu Wanning forces his own guards down, letting his face relax, and hopes that Mo Ran will understand.

Slowly, Mo Ran reaches for the buttons of his shirt. He pops them open, one by one, his dark gaze burning into Chu Wanning as he does so. His shirt goes, as does his undershirt, and Chu Wanning gets one last glimpse at small, glinting metal before Mo Ran is on him again.

This time, he can feel large hands paw properly at his shirt, yanking it out from where it was tucked into his pants and pulling it apart. Chu Wanning lets Mo Ran maneuver his arms around so that he can slide off the fabric completely. Chu Wanning’s own undershirt comes off next and shortly after, he feels the heated press of Mo Ran’s skin against his own.

They still try to show some restraint. Chu Wanning’s hand drops down to the waistband of Mo Ran’s pants and Mo Ran immediately grabs it and slings Chu Wanning’s arm around his shoulders.

“You’re going to make me lose control,” Mo Ran mutters against Chu Wanning’s mouth, as if they are not already sliding against each other shirtless, heat building between them as they kiss like frenzied, hormone-stricken teens. “Fuck, you’ve already made me like this.”

Mo Ran does not elaborate with his words. Instead, he slides his tongue into Chu Wanning’s mouth, intrusive and insistent. Chu Wanning welcomes it eagerly, and his unaccounted hand flattens across Mo Ran’s chest. He moves it to the side as their tongues play with each other, and feels out the piece of metal on Mo Ran’s chest.

When he plays with the piercing, Chu Wanning elicits a groan and a shudder from Mo Ran. He does it again, pressing his thumb against Mo Ran’s chest, and Mo Ran’s hips twitch forward. Mo Ran’s hand in turn reaches down to give Chu Wanning’s ass a healthy squeeze, kneading the muscle there adamantly.

Chu Wanning loses himself in it, no goal in mind. Mo Ran doesn’t push for more, and Chu Wanning doesn’t beg for it, even if the thought of doing so makes him shiver with want. It’s not till a few moments later that he realizes that Mo Ran is murmuring something in between their lips, repeating it like a soft prayer.

“I love you,” Mo Ran’s voice is so soft it’s nearly unintelligible. It’s enough though, for Chu Wanning to catch it, to feel the vibrations of it as Mo Ran continues chanting it along his skin.

“Why do you keep repeating yourself?” Chu Wanning mumbles as he pulls away from the kiss. Mo Ran looks at him half dazed and licks his lower lip, his own flush strong across his face.

“To make up for all the times I should have been telling you,” he replies, stating it so plainly like it is a given fact. Somehow, this gets Chu Wanning’s blood heated more than anything they’ve done so far.

His face is too thin to bear it, so he coughs awkwardly and looks away. That doesn’t deter Mo Ran from latching onto Chu Wanning’s neck, sucking gently for a second before starting a trail down his torso, sliding backwards as he does so. Chu Wanning feels his ears get heated the moment Mo Ran slows to a halt, just above his right hip bone, skimming his teeth there before biting down.

“Ah—” Chu Wanning lets out without meaning to as Mo Ran plays contemplatively with the button to his pants. Chu Wanning can see the conflict written across Mo Ran’s face, which seems a little silly to him at this point. 

Yes, Mo Ran is right. It would be smart to make sure that this isn’t all Mo Ran wants from him. But there is no dignity left to preserve between either of them, and Chu Wanning is so wired up on the inside, he’s willing to take the chance. Especially if Mo Ran is sincere about what he says.

Mo Ran kisses him right above his zipper, and looks up at Chu Wanning through his lashes as he settles a hand on his hip. He’s got a silent question in his eyes, and Chu Wanning kind of wishes he didn’t ask for permission and just got on with it.

That must have been evident across his face because Mo Ran sucks in a sharp breath, and immediately pops open the button of Chu Wanning’s pants. He slides the rest of the way off the sofa and kneels, tugging Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning goes helplessly along till he’s got his back flat against the sofa cushions and his legs thrown over Mo Ran’s shoulders as the man mouths over the fabric of his underwear.

It doesn’t take long for him to get fully hard, and Mo Ran continues moving his mouth over him. The fabric as a barrier adds friction that makes Chu Wanning’s hair stand on end. He wants to scream in frustration, but then Mo Ran is pulling down his underwear. Chu Wanning hisses as he springs free, the cool air making him shiver, and Mo Ran gets too impatient. Chu Wanning manages to get one leg free from his pants, but the clothes continue to dangle from the other as Mo Ran kisses the inside of his thigh.

Mo Ran’s lips are red and glisten under the light from their overenthusiastic activities. He looks at Chu Wanning like he wants to eat him, though, Chu Wanning supposes, given the way he then bites down on Chu Wanning’s thigh and sucks, he will. Chu Wanning grunts, the pain spiking heat throughout him, and Mo Ran runs a soothing tongue over the bite mark.

“I’ll be gentle,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning says in a voice more impertinent than he intends, “This isn’t our first time, Mo Ran.”

Mo Ran raises his eyebrows, and Chu Wanning is immediately embarrassed by his over-enthusiasm. He moves to clap a hand over his mouth, preferably his entire face, but Mo Ran is quick and grabs it before he can.

“If you say so,” Mo Ran replies with a crooked smile on his face. He drags Chu Wanning’s hand over to his own hair, and twines Chu Wanning’s fingers through the thick, dark locks. Chu Wanning has already said too much by his own standards so he bites his lower lip and tosses his head, not wanting to see Mo Ran as he starts to run his lips over the junction of Chu Wanning’s hip.

Mo Ran lightly wraps his hand around Chu Wanning, his fingers rough but his palm spit-slick. Chu Wanning can feel the way his eyes study him and is conflicted between throwing his free arm over his face so that he doesn’t have to see himself, and forcing his eyes to stay open so that he can watch Mo Ran.

Ultimately, the choice is taken away when Mo Ran dips his head down and wraps his lips around the tip, sending Chu Wanning’s eyes blowing wide and his mouth dropping open in a silent gasp. The touch is shallow and light, but Chu Wanning has never had someone do this to him before, so the novel feeling of it makes his nerves feel electric. 

Mo Ran is cruel to Chu Wanning, and only plays with him in a perfunctory manner, with barely-there kisses and soft licks with his tongue. He doesn’t even properly stroke Chu Wanning, just toys with him, squeezing and only deigning to close his lips every now and then over him.

It is rather infuriating, and Chu Wanning is on the verge of complaining despite himself. He opens his mouth but Mo Ran looks at him with an eager expression, and Chu Wanning immediately realizes Mo Ran is doing this on purpose, exactly for this outcome.

“Mo Ran…” Chu Wanning’s words choke off as Mo Ran dips his head and drags his tongue up the underside, humming contemplatively. “Mo Ran!”

Mo Ran decidedly doesn’t listen to him, and continues to tease. Chu Wanning’s breath is coming out in short bursts now, and the knowledge that Mo Ran is simply stringing him makes him shamefully harder. He tries to squeeze his legs but it only gets Mo Ran laughing, the vibration reaching Chu Wanning’s toes. 

“Impatient,” Mo Ran singsongs, and Chu Wanning tugs on his hair harshly in admonishment. It only turns Mo Ran’s grin more wolfish, and he licks his lips as he pulls off completely. Chu Wanning is about to protest, when Mo Ran leans down and lets his jaw go slack, swallowing Chu Wanning down in one go.

Chu Wanning’s back arches off the sofa and he slams one of his hands down onto the cushions. He bites his lip so hard in order to not accidentally scream that he tastes iron in his mouth. Mo Ran is laughing at him again but the sensation of it is headier, now that Chu Wanning is completely encased in heat. 

It is a behemoth task not to cant his hips into Mo Ran’s mouth, one that is immediately abandoned once Mo Ran slides a hand under his rear, urging him to push further into the wetness. He takes Chu Wanning so deep that his nose presses up against his lower abdomen. Mo Ran inhales deeply, and starts to draw up, hollowing his cheeks as he does so.

“Too fast—” Chu Wanning gasps, trying to tug Mo Ran’s hair but Mo Ran blissfully ignores him, swirling his tongue before sliding Chu Wanning down his throat once more. Mo Ran groans and Chu Wanning feels his eyes roll back as Mo Ran bobs his head, his grip on Chu Wanning’s ass turning harsh the more he tastes him.

Chu Wanning kicks out his legs, the sensation overwhelming, but it does not bother Mo Ran. He continues his work, continues to torment Chu Wanning, alternating between tempting pressure and cool air, and all-encompassing heat. Chu Wanning says his name in a plea, and that just seems to make Mo Ran greedier. Chu Wanning manages to stuff a fist into his mouth, but continues to hold on to Mo Ran’s hair. 

His mind turns soupy, and Chu Wanning can’t tell when he starts to press against Mo Ran’s head instead of pulling it. Mo Ran swallows him down thoroughly, and whatever self-conscious protests Chu Wanning had about his taste, about how it is dirty, about how it is too much, die on his tongue as Mo Ran continues to tease him with his. 

Every now and then, Mo Ran will slip a hand between his legs, tentatively feeling him out with his fingers, and Chu Wanning turns into an even more formless mess. Mo Ran touches him like he knows Chu Wanning inside out; Chu Wanning wouldn’t be surprised if he did. His head feels dizzy with the thought that Mo Ran is taking stock of what Chu Wanning likes, and he feels the coil in him tighten and his spine start to straighten.

“I’m going to—” Chu Wanning blathers, immediately clamps his mouth shut as Mo Ran sucks him off harder, like it’s a challenge. “Mo Ran, no—”

Mo Ran replies with a low and sultry hum around Chu Wanning as he increases his intensity. Chu Wanning’s legs kick out but it doesn’t stop Mo Ran from going down on him till Chu Wanning is spilling into his mouth with a sharp cry. Mo Ran swallows it down dutifully as Chu Wanning sees stars, the warmth blooming from his core as Mo Ran finally lets him go, licking his lips as he does so.

Chu Wanning lays dazed on the sofa for a few moments, staring up at Mo Ran’s ceiling. The cool air makes him shiver and become acutely aware of how naked he is. Mo Ran kisses his hip again and Chu Wanning just barely registers it, his legs flopping down as Mo Ran rises up to kiss him. Chu Wanning tastes himself on Mo Ran’s tongue, and he burns with that thought while Mo Ran hums happily.

“You’re delicious,” Mo Ran says against his lips and Chu Wanning swats at him, trying to push him away.

“You’re shameless,” Chu Wanning returns, and Mo Ran huffs out a short laugh. 

“And?” he says, raising an eyebrow, and Chu Wanning narrows his eyes at him. He can’t look too put out though, not when his body has settled into a state of bliss. Chu Wanning moves his legs, wanting to swing them fully onto the couch, and his foot brushes across Mo Ran’s lap.

Mo Ran inhales sharply and Chu Wanning freezes. He had been so wrapped up in his own pleasure that Chu Wanning hadn’t looked after Mo Ran’s. Mo Ran is practically straining against his pants, something that another press with his foot confirms. Mo Ran’s hips twitch forward, and Chu Wanning’s head tilts in curiosity.

“Wanning,” Mo Ran warns, grabbing Chu Wanning’s ankle. He doesn’t push his foot away though.

“You’re not finished,” Chu Wanning says, and Mo Ran shakes his head.

“We don’t need to do anything more,” Mo Ran says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I only wanted to make you feel good.”

“Nonsense,” Chu Wanning scowls, pushing himself upright. He leans down, reaching in the general direction of Mo Ran’s pants, but Mo Ran knocks his hand away. 

“I don’t want to do something that’ll make you feel like I’m using you,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning furrows his brows. “I swear that I only want this to be about you. We can take it slow.”

Chu Wanning curls his fingers in the cushion, and locks his gaze with Mo Ran’s. Mo Ran has a more serious look on his face, and something in it makes Chu Wanning decide that just this once, he’ll swallow down his pride.

“We should make a… a new memory like that,” Chu Wanning says quietly, truthfully. The first time Mo Ran had properly taken Chu Wanning to bed, Chu Wanning had been so fraught that he couldn’t disentangle his pleasure from his hurt. He doesn’t even remember the second time, and he doesn’t want the only carefree time Mo Ran has ever touched him to be the time in the car. “We can take it slow from tomorrow.”

Mo Ran draws in a breath and squeezes Chu Wanning’s ankle, rubbing his thumb over the bone. His lips are slightly swollen from the way he just took Chu Wanning in his mouth, and his hair is rumpled. Coupled with his broad, tanned body under the warm light of the room, Mo Ran makes for an absolutely devastating picture, and Chu Wanning forgets to breathe.

“You slept with me,” Mo Ran says suddenly. “Even when you knew, you slept with me.”

Chu Wanning balks at the words, but Mo Ran holds on to him firmly. He’s not saying it in an accusatory manner, Chu Wanning realizes, and there’s no reason for Chu Wanning to run away from it. The why? is unspoken, but Chu Wanning understands.

I wanted to feel wanted, he thinks to himself, but it’s not the complete answer. The complete answer is still kneeling in front of him, looking at him with searching eyes. Chu Wanning merely nods, and hopes that that’s enough. 

It is. 

His name leaves Mo Ran’s lips in a broken manner, and suddenly Mo Ran is hauling him to his feet. If Chu Wanning thinks that they had been frantic before, he is sorely mistaken. Mo Ran descends upon him with such a cavernous hunger that Chu Wanning can barely breathe, kneading at his bare skin like a starving man. Mo Ran clings onto him as he kisses him aggressively, biting his lips and not letting him go a moment unclaimed.

“Bed,” Mo Ran commands against his mouth and this time, Chu Wanning does not object. He lets Mo Ran drag them towards the bedroom and by the time they’re crossing over the threshold, Mo Ran is grabbing his thighs and picking him up, all while sloppily kissing him.

Chu Wanning gets thrown on the bed and Mo Ran crawls on top of him shortly after. Using some of his newfound courage, Chu Wanning tries to push at Mo Ran’s waistband. This time, Mo Ran is less obstructive and kicks off his pants till they’re both naked on the sheets.

Their bodies slide together, and the heat is almost unbearable. Chu Wanning is still oversensitive but he is entranced by the press of Mo Ran’s body against his. Mo Ran kisses him so hard that their teeth clack together and Chu Wanning’s mouth feels bruised, and when he rolls their hips together, Chu Wanning finds his own body growing interested in the proceedings.

Chu Wanning runs a hand over Mo Ran’s back and feels the warm muscle there as Mo Ran moves against him, starting to rut against Chu Wanning’s thighs. He’s quick about it, like he wants to get it over with, and when Chu Wanning smooths his fingers over Mo Ran’s chest, brushing lightly over his piercing, Mo Ran lets out a low moan.

Thankfully, Chu Wanning doesn’t have to explicitly tell Mo Ran what he wants him to do. After one more soul-shattering kiss, Mo Ran lets Chu Wanning breathe for a few seconds as he leans over and rummages through his bedside table. Chu Wanning heart thumps hard in anticipation as he sees Mo Ran uncap a bottle and upturn the contents on his palm. Mo Ran gives him a questioning look once more, and Chu Wanning rolls his eyes.

“Would you like me to fill out a form beforehand?” he says dryly, and Mo Ran’s eyebrows rise before he lets out an honest-to-goodness laugh. The sight of it tugs Chu Wanning’s lips upwards as well, in a faint smile that remains there until Mo Ran descends upon him with the sole purpose of driving him crazy.

Sometimes, Chu Wanning thinks Mo Ran does this less for Chu Wanning’s good and more for his own interests, because the way he moves his fingers in him is downright wicked. It alternates between leisurely and quick, gentle and insistent. Mo Ran seems to know how to play him exactly the way he needs, and Chu Wanning’s body draws taut against the sheets. 

He tries to curl away from the immense, sharp pleasure it brings but Mo Ran pins him down first with his hand, then with his lips and tongue over his chest. He takes a nipple between his teeth and sucks as he crooks his fingers, and Chu Wanning draws dangerously close to coming a second time. 

Mo Ran cruelly withdraws right before he does, ignoring Chu Wanning’s indignant sound of protest. 

“I want to take my time with you,” Mo Ran says in a tender voice that belies what he’s been inflicting on Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning is about to ask him what the hell he means when Mo Ran easily slides two of his fingers back in, punching the air straight from his lungs.

Mo Ran keeps his word, and turns Chu Wanning into a puddle. Chu Wanning has tears in his eyes from the stimulation, and his red flush has crawled down to his chest as Mo Ran works him open. For some reason, this is where Mo Ran has decided to slow down and take his time which— in a practical way, it makes sense. But Chu Wanning wants Mo Ran in him before he completely loses his mind. He feels he has earned at least this much.

Eventually, eventually Mo Ran lets him go. By then, Chu Wanning’s lids are at half-mast, and his entire body feels like jelly. He doesn’t know if he came again or not, but whatever Mo Ran has done to him has melted his brain and set him on a cloud. He only mildly registers he’s being shifted, that Mo Ran is kneeling back on his haunches and hitching Chu Wanning’s hips onto his lap.

Automatically, Chu Wanning’s legs wrap around his waist. Mo Ran leans down and Chu Wanning thinks he’s going to say something stupid again, like how he’ll be slow and careful, but Mo Ran just kisses him, sliding their tongues together in as dirty a manner as possible while he lines them up.

Even though their last tumble was just recently, the first press of Mo Ran in him gets Chu Wanning squeezing his legs as he braces himself. Mo Ran moves cautiously, and by the way that his brows are knitted, Chu Wanning knows that no amount of admonishment will get him to get on with it. Mo Ran’s kisses turn apologetic as he slowly rocks in further.

Each small thrust brings Chu Wanning back to the present, the small bite of discomfort making him more and more tethered. It clears the stupor Mo Ran had worked him into, but only momentarily. Chu Wanning tries to roll his hips to help but Mo Ran grabs them and stops him, holding him steady as he continues to slide in. 

Time expands, then snaps back into place as Mo Ran bottoms out, He kneads at Chu Wanning’s legs, ass, runs a hand over Chu Wanning’s back and tries to pull him closer, even though they’re practically melting into each other.

Mo Ran takes his time again, short thrusts at a leisurely pace. He fills Chu Wanning so completely, and Chu Wanning grips the sheets in an attempt to both physically and mentally adjust. Mo Ran’s touch is a fire against his body, consuming Chu Wanning entirely between the way he moves in him, the way he holds him, the way he makes their kiss both greedy and mind-bendingly filthy. 

Chu Wanning tries to rock his hips back, tries not to lie there uselessly as Mo Ran gives one shallow roll of his hip after another. The drag out in particular has his eyes fluttering shut and him breaking off the kiss in favour of biting his lower lip.

He doesn’t have to worry about the languid pace for long once Mo Ran has fucked in till the hilt a few times. Once they’ve properly adjusted, even Mo Ran grows impatient. Chu Wanning can sense it in the way that Mo Ran’s jaw clenches as he moves in him, the way that Mo Ran digs his fingers in harshly when he pulls out. 

It’s a lot to put his own body through in the span of a few days but Chu Wanning cannot imagine being anywhere but here. He tries to nudge his heel against Mo Ran’s lower back again, and that seems to spur Mo Ran into moving jerkily once, in a way that has Chu Wanning whimpering at a pitch that makes him feel a wave of shame.

Chu Wanning throws a hand over his face to hide and Mo Ran doesn’t seem to like that, prying it away. Chu Wanning keeps his eyes shut, his nerves alighting with each move.

“Look at me,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning wants to, wants to see Mo Ran’s face, wants to see the lust reflected there as he pulls halfway out. But Mo Ran tilts his hips with his command, causing Chu Wanning screws his eyelids shut, and when Mo Ran sees that he snaps his hips forward, a sudden movement that has Chu Wanning’s eyes blowing wide open.

“Mo Ran—!” he exclaims as Mo Ran repeats the moment, thrusts not too fast yet but deep and true in their aim. Mo Ran ignores him in favour of grabbing both of Chu Wanning’s hips and yanking him back as he thrusts forward.

Sharp gasps fall from his mouth, Mo Ran groaning in tandem with them as he starts to move with more power. He fucks forward a few more times like this, building up to a rhythmic pace that is quickly becoming unforgiving. Chu Wanning tries to cover his face again, trying to muffle his sounds, and Mo Ran’s hands let go of his lower half completely.

He‘s manhandled till Mo Ran pins his wrists above his head in a harsh grip. Chu Wanning thrashes his head back and forth as the pleasure builds and Mo Ran latches onto his neck, sucking on the skin there. Chu Wanning should stop him, especially when he feels the skim of teeth, but he’s barely coherent, so deeply steeped in his lust as he’s taken. 

Mo Ran’s snapping his hips forward properly now, reddening the back of Chu Wanning’s thighs, the bed creaking in a steadily faster rhythm underneath them. With nowhere left to run or bury his face, Chu Wanning finds himself moaning, soft cries escaping despite his best efforts to constrain them. His body shifts up the bed as Mo Ran drives into him, marks him up in a way that’ll have him running red when he sees himself in the mirror the next day.

Chu Wanning tries to tug one of his hands out of Mo Ran’s grip but it simply tightens, hard enough that he thinks he can feel fingerprints bloom. It feels like nothing prior; whatever hunger Chu Wanning thought he felt before does not hold a candle to whatever is coursing between them now. 

It makes him greedier too, makes him want to see in which other ways he can offer up his body. Chu Wanning shapes his next moan around Mo Ran’s name in a soft and tentative manner, and Mo Ran fucks him hard and fasts enough at that, that the headboard starts to tap against the wall. It’s heady and relentless, Mo Ran insatiable.

So insatiable that tormenting Chu Wanning like this is not enough for him. Mo Ran pauses, but before Chu Wanning can protest, he digs his knees into the mattress and rocks backwards, lifting Chu Wanning into his lap without disconnecting them. Chu Wanning hooks his feet over each other, the heels knocking lightly into Mo Ran’s back. 

He barely has time to be indignant, because Mo Ran holds onto him tightly, lifting him up and bringing him down, rising on his own knees every time. Mo Ran buried himself deeper that way and Chu Wanning feels alien from his own voice, which seems to want to let out shameless sounds. Chu Wanning wraps his arms around Mo Ran’s shoulders and muffles his face in the nook of Mo Ran’s neck, inhaling the cologne and sweat.

Their chests slide together as Mo Ran fucks him like this, and every time Mo Ran’s piercings catch somewhere sensitive on Chu Wanning’s chest, he has to fight his eyes from rolling back. Chu Wanning claws his hands down Mo Ran’s back, trying to find purchase somewhere, anywhere, as he loses his mind. 

Deft fingers curl in his hair and tug him back to bring him face to face as Mo Ran bounces him in his lap, holding him up with one hand. Chu Wanning raises a useless hand to brush the sweaty hair off Mo Ran’s forehead before letting it fall limply onto Mo Ran’s shoulder. He wants to hide his face; Mo Ran is staring at him too openly here. It overwhelms him, makes his heart spill everywhere.

“How do you feel?”  Mo Ran says, breathless. Chu Wanning gets a good look at the way pleasure washes over Mo Ran’s face every time he sinks in, and he too forgets how to breathe.

“Fine,” Chu Wanning says, his voice rasping from use. “Good. Real good.”

Mo Ran lets out a soft laugh, and tugs Chu Wanning in for a short, messy kiss as he doesn’t break his rhythm.

“I feel lucky,” Mo Ran says against Chu Wanning’s mouth. “I’m glad you don’t hate me.”

Chu Wanning scoffs, the thought ludicrous to him, so ludicrous that he manages to string together a coherent reply.

“I could never hate you,” He says honestly, a moan breaking up his words in between. “Anger — oh — and hate are two different things.”

“Are you angry at me?” Mo Ran asks immediately, and Chu Wanning shakes his head.

“Not anymore,” He manages to say before Mo Ran adjusts them the slightest, and Chu Wanning starts seeing stars. Mo Ran doesn’t make him meet his eyes again, because he focuses in on fucking Chu Wanning as deeply and as thoroughly as he can. Chu Wanning commits every part of it to memory, every ache and sting and spark that runs through him.

His blood feels molten, and his heart beats hard in his throat. Chu Wanning feels himself dangling on the edge, completely at Mo Ran’s mercy. His body won’t listen to him; instead, it takes and takes from Mo Ran, not wanting to finish till he’s allowed to.

In one thrust Chu Wanning scratches so hard he draws blood and in another, he thinks he hears one of the wooden slats of the bed start to crack. Mo Ran’s pace grows erratic within him as he pulls towards his own finish. One short command from Mo Ran has Chu Wanning reaching a shaking hand down towards himself, only loosely encircling it.

It’s enough for Chu Wanning to lose it, to come so suddenly that he has no time to hide the loud cry that’s punched out of him as everything blanks out. His entire body goes rigid with the force of it; it hits him harder than the last few times they slept together. It’s so intense that it borders on fearful for a moment, as Chu Wanning crests in a way that he didn’t think possible. 

His entire body feels like golden light given form, the warmth vast and endless, the world coming quickly into clarity for him. Chu Wanning can’t even say he’s been ruined for others from now on. That much had been true from the moment Mo Ran had tugged him onto his lap in the dark corner of that parking lot.

Mo Ran continues fucking into him, holding him up and moving in short sharp thrusts, till he’s spilling messily within Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning is still panting, letting out an oversensitive yelp here and there as Mo Ran rides their ends out. Eventually, Mo Ran slows to a halt, and holds the two of them there.

The room fills with the sound of their breathing, with the heat of their bodies. Everything is a sweaty mess, including themselves, but Chu Wanning doesn’t care. He continues to hold onto Mo Ran and in turn, Mo Ran noses along his jaw, kisses his ear, kisses his neck, tells Chu Wanning that he was so good.

Chu Wanning barely has a mind left, but he absorbs all of Mo Ran’s words anyways. When they’ve finally come down from their high, at least most of the way, Mo Ran gently tips them over, setting Chu Wanning back and propping himself up on his elbows.

Slowly, gingerly, Mo Ran pulls out. Chu Wanning, feeling particularly abused and tender, grimaces at the strange sensation. It’s wet and trickling between his legs, but not entirely unpleasant. The back of his thighs too sing lightly when Mo Ran accidentally brushes by them, their colour a solid pink.

“I…” Mo Ran says, staring down at Chu Wanning. He looks sheepish for a moment, something that strikes a brief panic within Chu Wanning before Mo Ran finds his words. “I should have gone a little easier on you.”

“You are completely shameless,” Chu Wanning comments without any venom, flopping a hand to the side. “Why are you saying this now?”

Mo Ran, to his credit, manages to look at least a little contrite. It disappears quickly behind the naked smugness and self-satisfaction that crosses his face once his eyes drift to between Chu Wanning’s legs. If Chu Wanning had even a modicum of energy left, he would kick him.

But he doesn’t, so instead he simply lays there on the bed, trying to regain his senses as Mo Ran pushes off the mattress and heads to the washroom. He offers to stand them both in the shower but Chu Wanning gives him a withering look, so he retreats with his hands up in surrender.

A few minutes later, when Chu Wanning has started to doze off, Mo Ran returns with two towels, one that’s damp and hot, while the other one is dry. Chu Wanning lets Mo Ran manhandle him whichever way he desires as he cleans him, using most of his effort to keep his eyes open.

“You’re staying the night,” Mo Ran tells him more than he asks him, and Chu Wanning gives a hazy nod. He has no idea how he moved at all after the last two times; now that he’s both sober and not wrought with anger and hurt, Chu Wanning can feel the aftermath in his body to an acuteness that he hadn’t before.

It’s not unpleasant.

Eventually, Mo Ran maneuvers them both under the sheets. Chu Wanning’s body has cooled down by then, and he lets Mo Ran draw him near, Mo Ran brushes Chu Wanning’s hair off his face and smiles at him, kissing him gently on the nose as he does so.

“We forgot to have dinner,” Mo Ran says, resting a hand on Chu Wanning’s hip. “Do you want me to order something?”

Chu Wanning is a mere few minutes away from his stomach gurgling, so the answer is unequivocally yes. But when he looks at Mo Ran, he’s caught by how deep and fathomless those dark eyes are. It has been intimidating to be in the presence of them, but Chu Wanning feels more peaceful now. He doesn’t want to pinch himself anymore to check if this is a dream. 

Whatever erratic way his heart has beaten in the past few years finally mellows out into something more steady, something more sure. Now that he sees Mo Ran like this, Chu Wanning can pick out the vulnerabilities and the small idiosyncrasies the two of them share. Both of them are a little imbalanced, both of them driven in the same way, and both of them have seen each other’s flaws and imperfections. 

He feels more clarity now than he ever has before, as if he’s opened his eyes for the first time after a long while. 

“I love you too,” Chu Wanning says instead, so quiet that it’s barely audible. But Mo Ran, so incredibly attuned to him, hears every word.

Having been too busy languishing, Mo Ran hasn’t had much of a chance to do groceries over the past couple of weeks. So when he wakes up earlier than normal, Chu Wanning still sound asleep beside him, he decides to sneak downstairs to one of the small cafes near his apartment building. This is, of course, after he spends ten minutes staring at Chu Wanning’s supine form and the way it’s gently illuminated by the morning sun pouring in through the empty spaces between the blinds.

It feels like a dream. A light kiss against Chu Wanning’s lips confirms it’s not, and Mo Ran checks over and over and over again, till Chu Wanning is grumbling in his sleep and turning over, away from Mo Ran. It makes him feel immeasurably fond. Thinking of how Chu Wanning will look when he wakes up to food, Mo Ran throws his clothes and retrieves breakfast from the cafe as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately the cafe takes a lot longer than he anticipates. First, when they forget about his order in the weekend morning rush, then when they give it, it’s made incorrectly. By the time he’s reached back to his apartment, he’s jittery, nervous that maybe Chu Wanning would have run away again.

But sure enough, Chu Wanning is perched on his sofa, hair wet, wearing one of Mo Ran’s shirts, one where the collar slips and does a poor job of covering the marks Mo Ran has left. As Mo Ran approaches, he can smell the scent of his own soap and shampoo on Chu Wanning. He already bothered the man enough last night, so Mo Ran shifts his focus towards setting their coffee and food down.

“I’ll make breakfast myself next time,” Mo Ran says as Chu Wanning wordlessly picks up one of the brown paper bags containing an egg tart. He peers in to see another one in there and asks Mo Ran, “Are one of these yours?”

Mo Ran can’t help but smile to himself, and shake his head. “Both are yours if you want them, Wanning.” Seeing Chu Wanning’s flat look he adds, “I got my own breakfast.”

Chu Wanning hums and takes a bite, and the corners of his mouth quirk up at the taste. Mo Ran will continue to chase that faint smile with as many homemade breakfasts in the future, long after Chu Wanning insists he has nothing left to apologize for. 

They eat in comfortable silence for a few moments, and Mo Ran can’t tear his eyes away from Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning still appears half-asleep, but he looks more serene than Mo Ran has ever seen him before. Chu Wanning catches him a few times and admonishes him, but all that serves to do is make Mo Ran grin like a fool.

“If you’re going to be strange, I will leave,” Chu Wanning says the fourth time he sees Mo Ran looking, no real heat in his threat.

It’s not Mo Ran’s fault, not entirely. He’s had such a whirlwind of emotions in the past few weeks that now the dust has settled, he’s realizing he can finally be open about what he feels without waiting for the other shoe to drop or the heavy, dark feeling that comes with holding a secret. Because Chu Wanning knows it all already, and has still chosen to be with him.

He wants to reach out, grab Chu Wanning, and pull him onto his lap. He could, if he really wanted to, but it would upend Chu Wanning’s coffee, so Mo Ran saves that impulse for later. Chu Wanning licks some of the foam of his latte off the rim of the cup, and Mo Ran blurts out a, “Wanning.”

“Yes?” Chu Wanning says, looking towards Mo Ran with some curiosity. Chu Wanning’s eyes drift downwards to Mo Ran’s hands, moving with them as Mo Ran sets the coffee down. While his face is neutral, the tips of Chu Wanning’s ears are still pink, and Mo Ran wonders what is going through his mind. 

“Go out with me,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning blinks. “On a proper date.” 

“What?”

“Let me take you out to dinner,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning gives him a bemused look. 

“You don’t need to ask me out…” Chu Wanning says, and Mo Ran shakes his head.

"I do,” Mo Ran replies, leaning forward. He plucks the coffee out of Chu Wanning’s hands, and finally decides to make good on his impulse to bring Chu Wanning closer. 

Chu Wanning huffs but goes along with it, sliding onto Mo Ran’s lap even though he shoves at his shoulder and mutters “shameless” under his breath. It’s how Mo Ran discovers that Chu Wanning’s also slid on a pair of his boxer briefs, and he can’t help but thumb at the hem. Chu Wanning doesn’t seem as entirely opposed to it, though he does scold Mo Ran again when Mo Ran’s hand slides up his shirt to pluck the band of his briefs.

“The first time I asked you out, it wasn’t proper,” Mo Ran explains and Chu Wanning frowns. “So I think we should have a fresh start.”

“A fresh start?” Chu Wanning says, raising an eyebrow. His expression doesn’t look entirely annoyed, which is a good sign.

“Just for that part,” Mo Ran adds. “Everything else can stay the same, like the part where we like each other. Especially the part where we like each other. Let’s go to a fancy restaurant, or a bar or something, but preferably a fancy restaurant.”

“A bar,” Chu Wanning repeats, and Mo Ran nods. Chu Wanning looks at him for a moment, before flatly replying, “You cannot afford the type of bills I run up, Mo Ran.”

Mo Ran stares back for a few seconds till the memory finally clicks. He barks out a laugh and tugs Chu Wanning even closer, sliding a hand around his waist while the other fits comfortably into the junction of his hip and thigh. Even Chu Wanning has a smile starting to uncurl on his face; not a wide beaming one by any measure, but a handsome and private one nonetheless that has Mo Ran’s heart feeling feather-light.

“I’ll think about it,” Chu Wanning replies, and Mo Ran just gives him his best dimpled smile before tugging him down for a kiss that tastes like egg tart and coffee, with the slightest hint of toothpaste. Predictably, their breakfast soon lays forgotten on the table as Mo Ran sinks into the cushions, taking Chu Wanning with him.

They’re too exhausted to do anything strenuous, but Mo Ran is fine with lazily making out with Chu Wanning on his sofa the entire morning. Moreso when Chu Wanning lets him take his shirt off, and Mo Ran can see more evidence of what they did the night before. Mo Ran kisses down Chu Wanning’s neck and across his sternum, murmuring little truths into Chu Wanning’s skin, repeating his confession over and over again, letting Chu Wanning know in small pockets of the love he has for him.

It embarrasses Chu Wanning and he tries to get Mo Ran to shut up, but Mo Ran can’t. He wants Chu Wanning to know, and then some. Wants to etch it everywhere, and let everyone know just exactly how head over heels he is. 

At the same time, he likes the intimacy of announcing the extent of it to Chu Wanning in this way, in their own little world, away from everyone else. And this part, anyways, declaring it to Chu Wanning repeatedly till the other man goes pink, making it obvious that Mo Ran’s leaving himself so completely Chu Wanning’s hands, is something he doesn’t regret.

In fact, it just might be the best thing he’s ever done.