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Eggsy spots the posh bloke – gentleman, his mind helpfully supplies – in the sharp suit carrying an umbrella even though there hasn't been so much as a drop of rain in days. Now, with these types there were two possibilities – either they carried a few grand in cash or none at all. Given that it was well past midnight and the man was clearly not from these ends, Eggsy assumed he was looking for a very specific kind of trouble with a pretty young thing, meaning he must have cash. Bingo. Rather brave of him to walk around like this, though, Eggsy thought. Someone's just gonna have to show him what happens. Better Eggsy than anyone else.
''Thieves don't have a code of honour,'' the pigs had told him. But Eggsy liked to think that he only took what the victims wouldn't miss, he strayed from taking jewellery that could have sentimental value, he never took from those who looked like they needed the money themselves and he never hurt anyone. He sought out people like the man on the other side of the street – he ain't gonna miss the cash Eggsy's gonna take, it's nothing to him, but a week's bread for some, and a month's for others.
First things first, Eggsy thought, as he slipped out from his hideout behind the corner and started making his way over to the bloke, he'd have to rid the man of his umbrella. Now that he was closer he could see that the man was taller than him and seemed to be in shape, but he didn't think the man could fight him. Umbrellas, though, could be used to lash out and getting hit with a good and sturdy one hurt like a bitch. So Eggsy got closer and formulated a plan. He slipped on his earphones and pretended to be nodding his head to the music, just a lad walking home.
As he reached the man, he noticed the broad shoulders and the proud hold of his back and damn, if it didn't do something for him. He had a job to finish, though, so he bumped into the man, knocking the umbrella out of his hand. The man turned and Eggsy recognised immediately the changes in his posture. He was prepped to fight. Time for plan B then.
Eggsy took out one earphone and picked up the umbrella, prepared to hand it back to the man. As he looked up, he found that his victim was well fit, in the way no one over the age of 40 had any right to be. This made Eggsy's job a lot easier, because he was actually going to enjoy this.
''Oh no, you're hot,'' he blurted out.
The man blinked in confusion. ''I – thank you, I suppose.''
''I mean – fuck, I'm sorry,'' Eggsy said, feigning being flustered and handed the man his umbrella, ''here.''
''It's alright,'' the man answered, still looking a bit bewildered by the whole situation. Eggsy decided it was time to make a move. He coughed gently and grabbed the man by his lapels, bringing him down to meet Eggsy half-way, as he reached up and brought their mouths together. The man let out a muffled sound of surprise and Eggsy opened his mouth just a bit, to see what the man would do. Most would either push him away or stay frozen in shock. The man, however, braced his hands on Eggsy's shoulders and opened his mouth in return. Alright, Eggsy thought, this was better than expected. He put his hands on the man's waist and ran them up and down slightly to see if the man carried his wallet in his jacket. Eggsy thought he felt the line of a metal card holder through the suit. The man's lips were warm and, fuck, he knew what he was doing. Eggsy stepped up his game as well, pressing a little harder, opening his mouth a little more and it paid off, because the bloke replied in kind. It was all going smoothly as fuck, until Eggsy reached to run his hands over the man's back and felt the lines of what was unmistakably a gun holster. Shit fuck fucking buggering shit –
Next thing Eggsy knew the man had him turned around and pressed face first against the wall. Fuck. He was balls deep in shit now. Maybe he could break free and leg it?
''You know, if you kiss me again, I'll give you the money,'' the man said and Eggsy thought he could hear faint amusement in his voice, but he never relinquished his death grip on Eggsy's wrists and neck.
''I ain't like that,'' Eggsy wheezed out and tried to turn his head to look at the man.
''I know you're not. But you were trying to pickpocket me.''
''Maybe I really did wanna kiss you,'' Eggsy offered. ''Listen, mate, lemme go. I'll fuck off faster than you can get them guns out and you can find anover bird or bloke to shag tonight, aight?''
''You think I'm out here for sex?'' the man asked and Eggsy gave a non-commital shrug. ''Not quite, I'm afraid. You're not offering, are you?''
''I told you, bruv, I ain't like that.''
''Shame. Listen, I'm going to let you go now, but I'm really fascinated by your methods. I'd like to hear about the reasoning behind kissing your target,'' the man says calmly.
''Alright. If I tell you, will you let me go? And you won't tell the pigs?'' Eggsy asks cautiously.
''Promise.''
''How do I know you're not shitting me?''
''I rather believe it was you who tried to pickpocket me. If anyone should be cautious here, it's me,'' the man says and well, Eggsy's got to give it to him, he's got a point. ''Alright,'' he says and the man releases his grip.
''Fuck, mate, was the death grip really necessary?'' Eggsy groans rubbing the back of his neck.
''Self-defence,'' the man says simply and picks up his umbrella. ''So. Tell me about your reasoning behind that little trick.''
Eggsy'd really rather not, but he supposes if he legged it, the man would catch him in two seconds. Besides, he's armed, so he's really in a bind. Time to give up the trade secrets.
''Well, my first plan was to get into a scuffle with you, grab your cash and get the fuck out of here before you got a good look of my face. Never hurt you, though. You have an umbrella, though, and getting hit with those things fuckin' hurts, right? So I thought I'd get that outta the way and then get into a scuffle. Thing is, though, the minute I bumped into you, you got into this crazy fight mode battle stance, so I thought you know your shit. So I just thought I'd run with my instincts, because, honest, mate, you're well fit,'' Eggsy explains. ''Generally the kissing trick works best on people when they are pissed, but I figured you'd be here to get a leg over, so I thought I'd take my chances. And that's when I noticed you are fuckin' armed, bruv, the fuck?'' he finished in an exasperated tone.
The man listens to Eggsy's explanation with a small smile. ''Why did you think I was after sex?''
''Guy like you, dressed to the nines, late at night in these ends? Not really your natural habitat, mate,'' Eggsy says. ''What else would you do here?''
''Would you believe me if I said I was out for a walk?'' the man asks.
''In a well shabby suit, armed to your teeth? Not really, bruv.''
''Fair enough. Congratulations are in order, I believe,'' the man says.
''What?''
''The last person who tried to pickpocket me ended up with a broken arm and didn't even get nearly as far as you in the first place,'' the man explains and seems to be finding Eggsy's shocked face funny.
''What the actual fuck, mate? So do you just wander round this part of town lookin' for trouble?'' What the fuck was wrong with this bloke. Jesus, you see all sorts around the estates, but this is a whole new level of fucked up.
''No, no, nothing of the sorts. But my work can get me into those sorts of situations.''
What kind of work was that? This guy must be shitting him. ''Just your friendly neighbourhood James Bond, are you, then?''
''Tailor.''
''What?''
''I'm a tailor.''
''I ain't never met a tailor before, but I know you ain't one,'' Eggsy says. Tailor? Please. Fucking Jamal could pass as a tailor before this guy.
The man just looks at him, like he's reading Eggsy. It's kind of arousing, but also creepy as fuck. It seems to be the case with this guy. No denying he's fit as all hell, but the fuck is his problem?
''What're you lookin' at?'' he finally asks, when the man's slightly cocked head and unflinching gaze start to freak him out a little bit too much.
''You're sure you're not offering?'' the man asks.
''Told you, mate, I ain't like that. Gots to wine and dine me first,'' Eggsy says. '''Sides, I don't even know your name.''
''Harry,'' the man says and holds out a hand.
''Eggsy,'' he says and shakes the offered hand. Something flickers over the man's eyes, but Eggsy can't be sure, it's gone so fast. ''Pleasure to meet you, Eggsy.''
They look at each other for a while. Eggsy'd really like to kiss him again, but it's probably better if he fucked off as soon as possible. The man – Harry – has other plans, though.
''So, Eggsy. Would you like to have a drink with me? It's a bit late for dinner, so we're going to have to do that some other time.''
''Why?'' Eggsy asks cautiously. He wants to, but Harry could be a psycho. He might not even be a Harry. Eggsy suddenly wishes he'd given a fake name.
''I believe you said it best yourself – oh no, you're hot,'' Harry replies and Eggsy can't help but to feel a bit smug.
''And is ''drinks'' a code for something else?''
''If you'd like it to be,'' Harry says simply.
''Yeah, alright,'' Eggsy says with feigned indifference. ''But if you drug me and I end up dead in a skip, I'm coming back from the dead to steal your wallet anyway.''
Harry snorts a laugh at that. ''Consider me warned. Shall we?''
They walk for a good 45 minutes before reaching Harry's – a simple but elegant house in one of the better parts of London. ''Now I'm definitely not believing your ''out for a walk'' excuse,'' Eggsy says as Harry unlocks the front door, ''unless you like taking fucking long walks.''
''Maybe I do. You don't know that,'' Harry replies and hangs his umbrella on a hook on the wall. He strolls to the living room and Eggsy follows, taking in the slightly old-fashioned décor.
''I don't know shit about you, mate. All I know is that you ain't a tailor,'' Eggsy replies and takes a seat on the sofa, as Harry indicates it to him.
''Why are you certain about that?'' the man asks and goes to the drinks cupboard.
''What kinda tailor carries guns?''
''A very special kind of tailor, Eggsy. What would you like to drink?''
''Well, I would've gone for beer, but I'm guessing you don't have that,'' Eggsy replies.
''I'm afraid not. I could make you a martini. The good scotch would be wasted on you, I fear.''
Eggsy raises an eyebrow. ''Is that how a gentleman treats his guests? But, yeah, I guess, a martini will do.''
''Why do you think I'm a gentleman?'' Harry asks and becons Eggsy to follow him into the kitchen.
''You sayin' you're not?''
''Not at all. You seem to be making all sorts of assumptions about me,'' Harry replies as he sets about making the martinis. Eggsy watches his practiced movements with fascination.
''Gotta read the target, is all.''
''And now I'm a target?''
''Were from the start bruv. What about me? You're not making guesses about me?''
Harry smirks. ''I don't have to guess. You're from the rough end, sometimes result to stealing, but you also try to get by with the least damage and you're a bloody good kisser. Here you go,'' he says as he slides Eggsy his martini.
''Fairly accurate, 'cept for the last part. I'm a bloody great kisser,'' Eggsy says. ''Thanks.'' He takes a sip. It's strong and definitely not his favourite taste, but it's drinkable.
''And you are cheeky. How is it?''
Eggsy shrugs. ''Yeah, it's alright.''
''You'll learn to like the taste,'' Harry says and watches Eggsy take another sip.
''You plannin' on feedin' me more of these?''
''We'll see.''
Eggsy downs the last of his martini. The look on Harry's face tells him he finished it way too quickly, but he doesn't really give a fuck.
''I'd like to kiss you again, Harry,'' he says and watches Harry place his glass on the counter. ''I promise I'm not going to steal anything.''
Harry smiles and shrugs off his jacket and unfastens the gun holster. ''I think I'll trust you this time.'' They stand for a beat and then Harry wraps his hands around Eggsy's waist and Eggsy places his on the sides of Harry's face. ''Go on, then,'' Harry says. And Eggsy does.
They start slow, just exploring, gauging reactions to wondering tongues and light scrapes of teeth along lips, but soon Harry has Eggsy crowded against the kitchen counter. He divests Egsy of his jacket and slides his hands under Eggsy's t-shirt before moving down Eggsy's chin and neck with chaste kisses.
''You really are trying to get a leg over, ain't you?'' Eggsy whispers before biting gently at Harry's earlobe.
''Now I am. If you're alright with that?'' Harry mumbles into Eggsy's neck.
''Yeah, I am, I am,'' Eggsy says before capturing Harry's lips again.
Harry pulls away and Eggsy's about to protest, but Harry says, ''Let's move this to somewhere else.'' He leads Eggsy upstairs to the bedroom. They kick off their shoes and lose their shirts and Harry spreads Eggsy out on the wide bed. Harry takes a moment to stand above Eggsy to simply admire his handiwork, but Eggsy starts feeling self-concious and drags Harry down on top of him and they resume where they left off, kissing mouths and cheeks and necks, hands roaming over naked backs and sides.
Eggsy makes a move to roll them over and it takes a while for Harry to catch on, but eventually he finds himself being straddled by Eggsy, who shuffles backwards with clearly only one purpose. ''You're going to steal my pants?'' he asks and Eggsy huffs a laugh as he undoes Harry's trousers. ''Well, I was gonna rob you. I'd be shit at it if I didn't come away with anything.''
Eggsy gets Harry's trousers and underwear down to his knees and strokes Harry's cock, which makes the other man gasp. Eggsy supposes that a blowjob is in order, after all, Harry sort of wined him and honestly, he'd give Harry several blowjobs if it meant more kisses afterwards. So he licks a stripe along Harry's shaft and revels in the little gasps and huffs of breath Harry makes. He takes as much as he can into his mouth and sets about finding out what Harry likes. He doesn't have to try very hard, because Harry turns out to have no shame when it comes to asking for what he wants. After Eggsy swirls his tongue around the head of Harry's cock, the other man voices his approval with a ''Yes, Eggsy, that's good,'' and after Eggsy hollows his cheeks to suck properly, he's rewarded with a ''Just like that,'' which makes Eggsy feel proud and also go straight to his already hard cock.
''Get up here, Eggsy,'' Harry all but commands and Eggsy's quick to comply, keeping his hand on Harry's cock, but shuffling up to meet Harry's demanding mouth.
Harry reaches down to unfasten Eggsy's jeans and pushes them half-way down his thighs. He rubs Eggsy through his briefs and Eggsy wants to sob, because fucking finally. But then Harry's sliding down his underwear and they're stroking each other's cocks, half-dressed like a couple of teenagers, but Harry keeps telling him how good it feels and Eggsy's very very happy that Harry turned out to be fucked up enough to invite his mugger – mugger for chrissakes – home with him and have sex with him.
Because under that suit Harry is fit as fuck and he's got a clever mouth and even cleverer hands and that's how Eggsy comes, Harry's tongue in his mouth, lying half on top of the other man. ''Christ, Harry...'' he moans and focuses on returning the favour. ''Faster, Eggsy,'' Harry gasps and Eggsy does his best to comply. Eggsy peppers kisses all over Harry's chest as he continues to stroke him and Harry slides one hand into Eggsy's hair and pulls and oh fuck that's hot. His arm's getting a bit tired, so he puts his last into making Harry come and the man does, letting out a low ''Yesss''.
Eggsy wipes the come off his hand on Harry's chest and the man huffs a laugh and responds in kind, by wiping Eggsy's come on his back.
''Gotta be honest with you, Harry, this is the best mugging I've ever done,'' Eggsy mumbles into Harry's chest.
''If everyone who tried to pickpocket me would give me orgasms instead, I wouldn't have to break their arms,'' Harry offers in return.
''What do you do, Harry?''
''I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you,'' Harry replies. ''Shower?''
''Yeah, sure,'' Eggsy says and stretches himself, relishing in the sated afterglow. He gets up and finally takes his trousers off completely. ''Door on your left, I'm going to get some towels,'' Harry directs as he follows suit and Eggsy wanders into the spacious ensuite. He figures out the shower pretty quickly and soon Harry joins him under the spray.
''Are you going to stay?'' Harry asks after they've towelled themselves off.
''I, uh, I really should get going,'' Eggsy says and starts to get dressed. ''Thanks for the offer, though.''
''Understood,'' Harry says. ''Someone's bound to notice your disappearance.''
''Probs not, though,'' Eggsy shrugs and stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, fully dressed except for his jacket, which must be somewhere in the kitchen. Harry gives him a weird look, but doesn't say anything other than, ''Come on, I'll see you out, then.''
After a detour to the kitchen they end up at the front door. ''Take care, Eggsy,'' Harry says and kisses him. ''You too, Harry,'' Eggsy replies and lets himself out, throwing a wink at Harry before the door closes. He walks back to his end of the town, feeling weirdly tired and out of it, but pretty chuffed because the night turned out pretty fuckin' good. It's only when he's emptying his pockets in his room in the early hours of the morning that he finds several hundred quid in his back pocket.
Several months later Eggsy's scared that this is it. This is where his luck will run out. He's sitting in the interrogation room and fuck, he ain't gonna grass, but spending 18 months locked up was never in the programme. So he calls the number on the back of his dad's medal and what the fuck, he didn't have a complaint, he wanted to call in that favour. But the rat-faced detective comes in and tells him he's free to go and he guesses he must have some angel watching over him or some shit. But outside of the station he's not greeted by an angel, but a much more familiar man.
''Eggsy,'' calls the familiar voice and he turns around to see Harry leaning against the wall. He's every bit as swanky as Eggsy remembers him, all suit and tie and umbrella.
''What're you doin' here?''
''I got you released,'' Harry answers and starts walking as if he knows Eggsy will follow him. So Eggsy does. Time for some fuckin' answers.