Archive of Our Own ^beta

Bodie always knew his recklessness would catch up to him one day.

Today was that day.

~*~*~*~*~

It started off like any other, though much too early for Bodie’s liking. He tried, and failed, to stifle a yawn as he tooled the silver Capri down the nearly empty motorway, on his way to fetch his partner.

He reached over to the passenger seat and dove his hand down into the paper bag filled with pastries he’d picked up from the bakery just down the street from his flat. His prize was a chocolate croissant, which he munched on happily until he pulled up to his destination, a familiar figure standing at the kerb, waiting for him.

Raymond Doyle slid into the passenger seat, picking up the bag of pastries with a grateful nod at Bodie and set it on the floor between his feet, along with the thermos of tea he was holding. He was dressed for the cool autumn weather, wearing a blue, green and white plaid flannel shirt and his black leather jacket, along with a pair of tight, well-worn light-colored denims, the ones with the dark blue patch on his arse, and those ridiculous red trainers he loved so much.

Doyle closed the door and slumped against it, pushing his sunglasses down his nose, peering at Bodie over top of them. “Mornin’, sunshine.”

Bodie grunted as he pulled back onto the motorway. “Why can’t the villains operate on a normal 9-5 schedule, eh?”

Doyle gave him a chipped-tooth grin. “What would be the fun in that?” he asked as he dug down into the paper bag.

Bodie chuckled as Ray withdrew a strawberry frosted donut, gave him a side-eye look at the sprinkles it was covered in, but took a large bite anyway. It was rare that Bodie could get his partner to indulge in anything sweet, but he knew that strawberry was Doyle’s weakness. The sprinkles were just an added bonus, his partner looking like a five-year-old holding the colorful donut.

It wasn’t long before they pulled into the CI5 car park and Bodie found a spot for the Capri. Doyle grabbed the bag of pastries and the thermos of tea and followed Bodie over to their undercover vehicle.

It was day two of their surveillance duty, sitting outside a block of flats where a pair of bombers were supposedly holed up, waiting for them to show their faces so CI5 could nick them both. Yesterday had been fruitless, sitting in a fake electrician’s van for eight hours straight with nothing to show for it, as neither man made an appearance outside.

Today they were pretend plumbers in a blue utility van, the rear containing a couple of extremely uncomfortable looking folding chairs and two sets of binoculars.

Bodie sighed as he got behind the wheel and fired up the van. He glanced over at Ray. “Here we go again, my son.”

“Perhaps it’ll be our lucky day and they’ll just walk out and surrender,” Doyle quipped.

“Could do without a foot chase for once,” Bodie replied as he drove out of the car park.

“Out of shape, you are,” Doyle snarked, reaching over and poking Bodie in his side.

Bodie jumped and laughed, swatting at Ray’s hand. “Oh, I’ll show you who’s out of shape, mate. You ’n me, on the mat tomorrow morning.”

“You’re on,” Doyle chuckled, grinning warmly at Bodie.

Bodie smiled to himself as he turned his attention to his driving. Cooped up in a van for two days straight wasn’t his idea of fun, but he was grateful he had Ray there with him. Hell, Bodie knew he wouldn’t be able to get through any aspect of this job if not for Ray always by his side. Chalk and cheese they may be, but they also went together like hand and glove.

They reached the block of flats ten minutes later and relieved the night shift—local coppers in an unmarked car that Cowley had pulled in to help. Doyle gave them a grateful nod as the van passed slowly by them and one of the officers raised a hand in acknowledgement.

Bodie found a spot for the van along the kerb and parked up, the rear of the van facing the block of flats. He and Doyle climbed into the back and set up the chairs in front of the two rear doors, in front of the windows. Doyle fetched the bag of pastries and the thermos of tea, setting them on the floor between them.

Bodie settled into the rickety chair and gave Ray a cheeky grin. “Ready for another day of excitement, are we?”

“I can barely contain meself,” Doyle deadpanned.

Bodie reached over and clapped his partner on the back with a smile. “That’s the spirit.”

~*~*~*~*~

Three hours later the bag of pastries was empty, the thermos of tea was empty and Bodie’s arse was numb. He sighed heavily as he shifted in the chair, trying to get some feeling back into his bum. It had grown warm in the van from their combined body heat and they’d both shed their jackets. Bodie picked his up from the floor and tucked it underneath him, hoping the padding would help.

Doyle smirked at him. “You delicate flower, you.”

Bodie pulled a face. “I’ll have you know that this body is used to action, not sitting around.”

“Oh, is it, now?” Doyle chuckled. He looked out the window, then back to Bodie. “Speaking of action…you got anything on tonight?”

Bodie knew his schedule had been purposely, deliberately wide open for nearly a month now. He shook his head, hoping he knew why Ray was asking. “Nope.”

Doyle regarded him steadily. “You’ve had a bit of a dry spell lately. Not like you.”

Bodie shrugged, keeping eye contact. “Want to take my time. Find a good match. Not interested in another fling.”

He paused, letting his words hang for a moment, before tapping Ray’s knee. “And hark who’s talking. Your social calendar has been empty as well, if I’m not mistaken.”

Doyle glanced away, then back, his voice quiet. “Yeah, well, like you, I guess. Just…waiting for the right person to come along.”

And there it was again. This unnamed, undefined…thing, that made Bodie’s stomach flutter. As it had been doing frequently over the past three and a half weeks. Ever since he and Doyle had played at being gay in order to take down a squad of corrupt coppers.

Something…shifted between them on that case. Bodie had always known there was a low current of physical and sexual attraction between he and Doyle, from early on in their partnership. Though neither of them had ever acted upon it. Both of them wary of crossing the line and possibly ruining their friendship, their partnership, that they’d worked so hard to build.

But that assignment opened doors they’d felt had been off-limits, under the guise of pretending, of keeping up their cover. Bodie had always been the more tactile of the two of them, always touching Ray. But during those few days it had been Doyle who’d reached out to lay a hand on Bodie’s thigh as they sat in the pub, Doyle who’d made Bodie squeeze past him in the doorway instead of simply moving out of the way, Doyle who’d run a hand down Bodie’s bare back after his shirt had been torn, Doyle who’d cupped Bodie’s arse as he’d climbed the stairs at the hotel.

And the nights they’d spent in that shared room… They’d talked more than they had in ages. And not about the job. It was rare that they had any kind of quiet downtime during an assignment, and they took full advantage of it. Their conversations ran the gamut of topics, from serious to funny, and Bodie felt more connected to Ray than ever during those nights.

It had been Bodie’s suggestion to push the two single beds together, to keep up appearances and all, of course, he’d said. Wouldn’t want the maid to become suspicious, now, would they? Doyle had simply given him an enigmatic smile and helped Bodie rearrange the beds.

It had taken all of Bodie’s self-control not to reach out in the moonlight, to gather Ray to him. “Pretending” only went so far. But he’d woken each morning with his partner lying more on Bodie’s bed than his own, close enough for Bodie to feel his body heat.

Since they’d been back in London, they’d continued to test the waters, to take baby steps, feeling each other out, trying to decide if they were brave enough to cross that line.

“So…you’re free, I’m free.”  Bodie cocked his head. “What d’you have in mind?”

The corners of Doyle’s mouth curved upward. “Fancy going to the pictures?”

Bodie nodded, taking a look out the window again. “Sounds good. There’s that new war film that just came out.”

Doyle laughed. “Bodie, you lived the military life for years. Why do you want to watch a movie about it?”

Bodie grinned. “So I can pick apart everything they got wrong.”

Doyle laughed again. “I’ll buy the popcorn,” he grinned, then turned his attention outside.

A curl of warmth took hold in Bodie’s chest. Neither of them had come right out and said this was a date, but they didn’t need to. So much of the communicating they did was done without words, they were so in tune with each other.

“Speaking of food—“ Bodie began.

Doyle snorted. “As you normally are,” he muttered, still peering out the back window of the van.

Bodie turned and shot him a look. “Keep that up and I shan’t bring you back a kebab. Though I’m sure I can find you a liver saus—“

“Bodie!” Doyle’s hand shot out and grasped Bodie’s arm. “Jackpot!”

Bodie swiveled his head back toward the window to see both their targets exiting the block of flats.

“Finally,” Bodie exhaled, then looked at Ray. “Nice and easy, mate.”

Doyle nodded and reached for his jacket as Bodie did the same, shrugging it on over his cream polo neck and shoulder holster.

Not wanting to spook their targets by bursting out of the back of the van, they climbed back up front, and as nonchalantly as they could, exited out of the driver and passenger doors.

Unfortunately for them, the street was nearly empty, with very few people walking on the pavement for Bodie and Doyle to blend in with. They did their best to just stroll along toward the men, who were walking up the pavement right toward them.

Bodie didn’t know what it was about him and Doyle that gave them away, perhaps nothing more than a villain’s sixth sense about law enforcement, but both men suddenly froze, making direct eye contact with Bodie and Doyle before they bolted in two different directions. One took off across the roadway while the other made for a car parked at the kerb.

“Go!” Doyle shouted to Bodie over his shoulder as he took after the runner, leaving Bodie to deal with the one trying to escape in the vehicle.

“Damn it!” Bodie cursed, spinning back around and sprinting back up the pavement to the van.

He threw himself into the driver’s seat and violently twisted the key, which was still in the ignition, just as the man roared past him. Bodie stomped on the gas pedal and the van lurched away out onto the roadway. He passed Ray, who was just about to reach out and snag the runner’s jacket, bringing at least one of their quarry to ground.

Bodie turned his focus back to his own quarry, desperately wishing he was driving his speedier Capri than this cumbersome van. Bodie pushed the pedal to the floor, adrenaline surging through his veins. He lived for moments like this, the chase, driving fast, the rest of his environment around him falling away as he sped down the road, his singular focus on the car in front of him.

The fleeing vehicle approached an intersection, and heedless of the red light, it plowed through, shooting across to the other side. Caught up in the tunnel-vision of the pursuit, Bodie thought nothing of doing the same.

He realized his mistake too late.

From his left he saw the large lorry, who had the right-of-way, bearing down on him at speed.

He wasn’t going to make it.

He twisted the wheel in a desperate, futile attempt to evade the oncoming vehicle, to no avail, his mind having time for one final thought in the moment before impact.

I’m sorry, Ray

In the next instant the lorry smashed into him broadside, flipping the van…and Bodie’s world exploded.

His eyes instinctively squeezed shut as his ears were filled with a cacophony of noise—the shattering of glass, the high-pitched ripping and tearing of metal, the harsh squeal of brakes. His unrestrained body tumbled about, hitting the steering wheel, the roof, the doors, as the van rolled and rolled. Then there was a confusing moment of weightlessness, his body floating in mid-air before crashing down onto the roadway, his head smacking hard against the ground…

…and then there was nothing but darkness.

“—odie! Bodie!”

A familiar voice was calling to him from very far away, penetrating the fog in his mind.

“Can you hear me? Bodie! Open your eyes for me!”

He tried to do as he was asked, failing the first time, his body fighting his commands. Why couldn’t he move? He tried again, this time his eyes barely fluttering open. The world was blurry and red-hued and tilted sideways. Why couldn’t he move?

“Thank Christ!”

Doyle’s worried, unfocused face was suddenly in his field of vision.

“Talk to me Bodie,” his partner implored him raggedly, squeezing Bodie’s hand.

But Bodie couldn’t. He felt oddly disconnected from his body. There was a crushing pain in his head. His limbs felt so heavy. And he was tired. So tired… His eyes began to slip closed again.

“No! Stay with me, Bodie! Stay with me!”

Doyle’s desperate plea was the last thing Bodie heard before the darkness claimed him once again.

~*~*~*~*~

Bodie was unaware of how much time passed before the darkness finally released him.

Awareness returned slowly. His head felt muzzy, a dull ache in his temples. Without even opening his eyes he knew he was in hospital by the medicinal and antiseptic smells. His eyes fluttered open, only to close again at the bright light. He tried again, able to keep them open this time, his vision blurry. He blinked twice and his surroundings slowly swam into focus.

The first thing he saw was Ray. His partner was asleep in the chair beside Bodie’s bed, leaning over, his head pillowed on his bent arms on the mattress. Bodie smiled tiredly and brushed his fingers over the unruly mop of curls.

Doyle snuffled, his brow furrowing before he became instantly awake, sitting straight up. His eyes widened when he saw Bodie looking at him.

“Bodie!” Doyle exclaimed, his face breaking out into a huge, relieved smile. “You’re awake.”

Bodie gave him a small grin. “Did we miss the movie?” he rasped.

Doyle huffed out a hoarse laugh and shook his head. “You daft bugger.”

Bodie grimaced and touched a hand to his forehead, finding a large bandage there. “What happened?”

Doyle frowned. “What d’you remember?”

For a panicked moment, Bodie’s mind was a complete blank. He couldn’t recall anything. When he remained silent, Doyle’s expressive face was immediately awash in concern.

Bodie took a breath and concentrated as something niggled at the back of his mind. The van. He was driving the van. His eyes widened as the fog lifted and it all came back to him in a rush.

“The lorry. I was trying to make it through the intersection.”

Doyle exhaled in relief. “Yeah, that’s good. Your brain scan came back clear, but your doctor was worried about possible memory loss.” He curled a hand over Bodie’s wrist. “How d’you feel?”

Bodie took a minute to take stock of his body. “I hurt all over,” he confessed.

Doyle nodded. “It’s a miracle nothing’s broken. Including your head. Though you hit it hard enough to give yourself a concussion. You’ve been in and out all day.” He swallowed hard and released a shaky breath. “Jesus, Bodie. You scared me to death.”

Bodie clearly saw the worry in Ray’s wide, green eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Doyle gently squeezed Bodie’s wrist. “Don’t you ever pull a stupid stunt like that again.”

Bodie shook his head. “Won’t. Promise.”

They locked gazes for a long moment before Doyle pushed his chair back and stood.

“I need to go find your doctor, let him know you’re awake.”

He turned and took a few steps and Bodie called out to him.

“Ray.”

Doyle stopped and turned back around, his head tilted.

“Thank you,” Bodie said quietly. “For being here. For staying with me.”

Doyle’s expression softened, though his eyes held a weight of seriousness. “I’ll always be here for you.”

As Doyle gave Bodie a tender smile and left the room, his partner’s simple, heartfelt statement settled deep in Bodie’s chest, warming him from the inside out as his eyes slid slowly closed and he slipped into a restful sleep. 

~*~*~*~*~

As the side effects of Bodie’s concussion gradually subsided and the rest of his injuries were, unbelievably, just abrasions and soft tissue damage, he was only kept in hospital for 24 hours under observation and then released the next evening.

“Just” soft tissue damage it may be, but Bodie was still moving like a 90-year-old geriatric as he made his way down the hall to his flat. His right side—shoulder, elbow and wrist—had taken the brunt of the damage when his body impacted the roadway, and was playing up the worst. He wouldn’t be performing a quick-draw from his holster anytime soon.

Ray was right beside him, an arm curled loosely around Bodie’s waist. Bodie didn’t really need any assistance, he was just moving slowly with aching muscles that protested every step, but he was glad his partner was there, nonetheless.

Doyle unlocked the door and led them inside, steering Bodie directly toward his bedroom. He turned on the small lamp on the bedside table as Bodie sighed gratefully and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Okay,” Doyle said. “You heard your doctor. Good long soak’ll do you good, relax your muscles. Let me go start the bath for you and get the heating on as well.”

Bodie nodded. “Cheers, mate,” he replied as Doyle left the room.

Bodie carefully shrugged out of his jacket and then undid the buttons on his shirt. Doyle had brought him a fresh set of clothes and had thankfully given him a button-down instead of a polo neck, which would’ve required him to lift his arms over his head. And that just wasn’t happening. He shivered a bit as the shirt slipped off his shoulders and the cool air in the room hit his bare upper body, which had blossomed with a myriad of technicolor bruises.

He unfastened his belt then attempted to bend over and untie his trainers. He grimaced, letting out a hiss as his stiff, sore muscles protested the movement and he abandoned the attempt with a frustrated sigh.

“Ray?”

Doyle appeared in the doorway a moment later and his eyes widened, taking in the damage to Bodie’s body.

“Tell me the truth,” Doyle said as he walked over to Bodie. “How badly are you hurting?”

“Enough that I can’t bend over and get me shoes off,” Bodie admitted.

Doyle made a concerned face and dropped down to one knee and removed Bodie’s trainers and socks.

“Let’s get you into the bath, sunshine,” Doyle said as he stood. “Hot water should help.”

Bodie stood, unzipped his trousers and let them slide down and off his hips, leaving him in just his briefs. He padded his way on bare feet across chilly floors to the bathroom, next to his bedroom, Doyle right behind him.

Bodie came to a stop next to the large, deep tub that was about half full. He hesitated for a moment before pushing his briefs down. It wasn’t as though he and Ray didn’t have the same equipment, but this wasn’t the way he wanted to get naked with his partner for the first time.

But Doyle, for his part, kept his eyes firmly above Bodie’s waist as he helped Bodie into the bath, holding onto his arm as Bodie sank down into the water and got himself settled.

Doyle shook his head slowly, his voice subdued. “Still can’t believe you came out of this in one piece.”

The corner of Bodie’s mouth quirked. “Now I know what it feels like to be on the ‘tumble dry’ setting,” he quipped, trying to make light of the situation.

But his attempt at humor fell flat as Doyle’s expression turned thunderous.

“Don’t make jokes, Bodie! Not about this! I thought you’d been killed, you dumb clown!”

Doyle’s voice broke and he spun on his heel and strode stiffly out of the bathroom. A minute later Bodie heard the door to his flat open and then slam closed.

Bodie sighed heavily, closing his eyes. “Damn it,” he muttered to the empty room, chastising himself as he sank down and let the hot water start to work on his sore body.

He never should’ve made light of the accident. He could only imagine what it had been like from Ray’s point of view, finding him lying there like that in the road. He would apologize to his partner when, if, he came back. He might just be upset enough with Bodie to leave him to his own devices for the next several days while Bodie was off on medical leave and then on desk duty.

Bodie picked up the flannel that Ray had been thoughtful enough to lay out for him and lathered it up with the bar of soap. It stung as he swiped it over the various scrapes on his skin, but it also felt good to finally get clean.

Bodie wasn’t one to normally take baths, but he had to admit it was doing his stiff muscles a world of good, along with the mild pain medication his doctor had given him to help with the discomfort. Which reminded him he was going to need to head to the chemist at some point and get his prescription filled.

But that would have to wait until tomorrow. Right now, he wanted to soak a bit longer and then crawl into bed. He leaned forward and pulled the plug, letting most of the soapy water drain out before turning on the taps again and refilling the bath with hot water once more.

He closed his eyes and relaxed back against the tub, not realizing he’d started to drift off until something splashed into the water, mildly startling him. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a yellow rubber duck with a cheerful smile on its face floating in front of him. The second thing he saw was his partner leaning against the bathroom doorway, an amused grin teasing the corners of his mouth.

Bodie felt something loosen inside his chest at Ray’s reappearance, as he picked up the duck, looking at it askance.

“What the bloody hell is this?”

Doyle was trying to keep in a laugh. “Was at the chemist, getting your prescription filled and saw him in the shop. Thought you might like some company.”

Bodie dropped the duck back in the water with a plop. “Gee, thanks, mate.”

“Always thinking of you, my son,” Doyle smiled amusedly. “Also picked up a few things for you at the market because I know you’ve got nothing in.” He straightened up and hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “Let me go get you some clothes.”

Bodie honestly didn’t know what he’d do without Doyle’s unselfish help tonight. Especially after what Bodie had said to him.

“Ray,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry for making fun of the accident. That was wrong of me.”

“And ’m sorry for overreactin’,” Doyle replied. “Shouldn’t have shouted at you.” He tipped his head. “We good?”

Bodie nodded slowly with a small smile. “Yeah, we’re good.”

Doyle gave a nod of his own and just like that, all was forgiven. The two of them rarely had words, but when they did, they never let it fester between them.

Doyle disappeared for a moment and when he returned, he set down a pair of underwear and sleep pants for Bodie on the lid of the toilet.

“Ta, mate,” Bodie thanked him.

Doyle kneeled down beside the bath. “You look knackered. Need a hand getting out?”

Bodie shook his head. “I can manage.”

“Hang about,” Doyle said, picking up the flannel. “You’ve missed some just here…” he continued softly.

He slowly, gently wiped the cloth over Bodie’s back, across his shoulders, cleaning away the errant soap suds. The action was both tender and sensual at the same time and Bodie felt a tiny shiver run through him. Doyle lingered in his ministrations longer than was necessary, their faces only inches apart, the atmosphere growing intimate.

Doyle trailed the flannel down Bodie’s arm and then draped it over the side of the tub.

“I guess that’s me off home, then,” he said quietly.

He went to push himself to his feet but Bodie caught his wrist, stilling his movement.

“Stay?” Bodie murmured.

Their gazes met and held, warmth in Doyle’s green eyes. His partner gave him a small nod.

“Was hoping you’d ask,” Doyle replied with the hint of a smile.

Bodie gave him a small smile in return as he squeezed his partner’s wrist and then let him stand. Doyle paused in the doorway, giving Bodie a long look over his shoulder before he walked out of the bathroom.

Bodie took a moment before levering himself up and out of the bath, releasing a shaky breath, the last few minutes leaving him feeling a bit off-kilter with whatever was happening with him and Ray.

He pulled the plug from the drain and then took the large towel off the rack next to the tub and swiped it over his body, careful of his bruises. Once dry, he decided to forgo the underwear in favor of just the sleep pants. He stepped up to the sink next and proceeded to brush his teeth.

His ablutions finished a short time later, he yawned as he turned away from the sink. The bath had done its job almost too well in relaxing him. He was having trouble keeping his eyes open, a reminder he’d taken a beating and still needed time to rest and heal.

Turning off the light in the bathroom, he walked down the short hallway to his bedroom, the flat warmer now that the heating had been turned on. He took a step into his room and hesitated for just an instant, his pulse skittering. Doyle was already in Bodie’s bed, the sheet and duvet pulled back, showing his partner was wearing only a pair of tiny, black briefs and his silver chain.

This certainly wasn’t the first time they’d stayed overnight at one another’s flats and shared a bed. Just as mates, and nothing more. But it was different now, their relationship changing since that case, since sharing that hotel room. Bodie once again felt they were on the precipice of something more.

He made his way over to the bed and slid in next to Doyle, who pulled the sheet and duvet up over both of them as they turned on their sides, facing one another. They were quiet for a long moment and once again Bodie felt the atmosphere grow intimate as this undefined thing flared between them once again.

Doyle reached out a hand, his expression one of restrained emotion as he ghosted his fingers over the abrasion on Bodie’s forehead.

He swallowed thickly. “I saw the lorry hit you,” he whispered and Bodie’s chest clenched.

“I saw the van flip,” Doyle continued, his voice trembling just slightly. “And my heart just…stopped. And then I was running. As fast as I could, screaming your name.”

“Ray…” Bodie breathed as his partner stopped to swallow hard again.

“You’d been thrown from the van when it rolled. And you were just…lying there. So still.  You looked…you looked like a broken doll,” Doyle told him raggedly. “There was blood all over your face. I was certain you were dead. And I couldn’t—“ His voice broke. “I couldn’t even breathe.” He lay a shaking hand on Bodie’s cheek. “I thought I’d lost you.”

Then Ray was gathering him close, taking Bodie into his arms, their bodies pressed together.

Bodie could barely speak past the constriction in his throat, his fingers flexing on Ray’s bare back. “You were my last thought, right before the lorry hit me. That I was sorry I was going to die and leave you all alone.” He swallowed, voice rough. “I hate myself for what I put you through.”

“Can’t lose you, sunshine,” Doyle whispered next to Bodie’s ear.

The quiet admission made Bodie’s heart stutter as he let himself sink into Ray’s warm, comforting embrace, his partner’s hand rubbing soothingly up and down his back. His eyelids blinked heavily as the wave of tiredness washed over him again.

“Ray…” he mumbled, trying to stay awake, feeling there was so much more that needed to be said between them tonight.

Doyle ran a hand over Bodie’s short hair. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “Get some sleep.”

Giving up the battle, Bodie’s eyes slid closed, and just as he slipped into slumber, he swore he felt Ray’s warm lips press against his own in a feather-light kiss.

~*~*~*~*~

The nightmare had him fully within its grasp.

He was standing on the pavement, watching as a familiar blue plumber’s van tore past him up the roadway. Doyle was in the driving seat, his features hard, set, his focus solely on the fleeing suspect in the car in front of him.

Bodie frowned. This isn’t right. This isn’t what happened.

No, his mind answered him sharply. This is what you put Ray through. Now you get to experience it…

Bodie could only watch in horror as the van sped toward the intersection, knowing what was coming and helpless to stop it.

It happened in slow motion—the lorry traveling at speed, impacting the van, crushing the passenger side, tossing it in the air where it flipped and rolled, the sound akin to an explosion that reverberated throughout Bodie’s body.

“RAY!”

His partner’s name echoed in the dream world, Bodie’s feet pounding on the pavement as hard as his heart pounded in his chest. He froze as he caught sight of Ray’s crumpled body lying in the middle of the road, deathly still, covered in blood.

A sense of overwhelming, crushing loss swept over him, stealing his breath, stopping his heart, so certain was he that Ray was dead.

He forced himself to move, running again, throwing himself down in his knees beside his fallen partner. With hands that shook he rolled Ray onto his back…and stared down into dead, sightless eyes…

The scream tore itself from his throat.

“NO!”

Bodie jerked and shook, gasping out his partner’s name as the was thrown from the clutches of the cruel vision.

“Ray…”

Caught in the hazy state between sleep and wakefulness, he reached out blindly in his nightmare-induced panic, to be safely caught by strong, but gentle arms.

“Bodie, Bodie…shhh…you’re okay…it’s just a dream, just a dream…”

The sound of Ray’s sleep-rough voice calmed Bodie and his entire body relaxed into his partner’s embrace.

“Yeah, that’s it…go back to sleep, sunshine…”

Never fully awake, Bodie buried his head in the crook of Ray’s neck, inhaling his warm, clean scent, his fuzzy mind telling him his partner was very much alive, allowing him to slip back into slumber.

And there were no more nightmares.

~*~*~*~*~

Late the next morning, without even opening his eyes, Bodie knew Ray was gone. He could easily sense his partner was no longer sleeping beside him and he missed his warm presence.

It wasn’t surprising he found himself alone, though. He might be on medical leave, but Doyle was due back on duty today. It was a miracle that Cowley had given Ray the last two days off to sit with Bodie at hospital as it was.

Bodie was hoping to get himself sorted today so that he could report into HQ tomorrow. He couldn’t take lying around in bed much longer. He knew full well Cowley wouldn’t clear him for active duty until he “stopped looking and moving like the walking wounded”. The Old Man was even threatening to send Bodie to Macklin for a day before he would sign off on his return from medical leave.

Bodie knew he’d be relegated to either the file room or the computer room until his right arm in particular was fully healed, but it would be better than sitting at home and climbing the walls from boredom. And he’d get to see Ray off and on as well. Which was the real reason he wanted to get back to HQ, if he was honest with himself.

Bodie drew in a long breath and let it out slowly as he finally blinked open his eyes—to come face to face with a smiling rubber duck.

It was sat on the pillow next to him with a note around its neck. A grin teased Bodie’s mouth as he read what Ray had written.

Get some rest. The bionic golly you’re not.

Bodie sat up, wincing slightly as his stiff muscles protested his movement. He picked up the duck and stared down at it, thinking about Ray. About last night.

Heightened emotions had brought them closer than ever before. The pain in Ray’s voice had gutted Bodie, knowing his carelessness had caused it. Vague visages of his nightmare came back to him, his penance for what he’d put Ray through.

And he remembered something else. Or at least he thought he did. He brushed his thumb across his lower lip. Had Ray really kissed him? Or was his over-tired mind playing tricks on him and he’d only imagined what he’d wanted to happen?

Bodie sighed. And how was he supposed to find out? Just ask Ray the next time he saw him, “Sorry, mate did you kiss me or did I just dream it?”

Blowing out a frustrated breath, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, then smiled to himself at what he saw. There on his bedside table was his prescription bottle and a small glass of water that Ray had left for him. That was his partner—always concerned about him, so Bodie dutifully swallowed down one of the pills.

He carefully rotated his right arm, grimacing at the low throb of pain the movement caused. He was going to have to do some gentle stretching of that limb today. The quicker it healed and he got his range of motion back, the better.

He crossed the room and plucked his maroon dressing gown, a present from Ray last Christmas, from the hook on the back of his door and slipped it on. He made his way down the hall toward the loo to take care of his morning business next. But when he flipped the light on he stopped in the doorway, spying two items sitting on the lid of the toilet.

He walked over and picked them up. One was a small box of Epsom salts. And the other—a pink bottle of strawberry-scented bubble bath. Bodie shook his head at his partner taking the piss with him.

“Oh, very witty, Raymond,” he said out loud, as he set both items on the side of the bathtub.

The salts were very much appreciated, though Bodie wondered when his partner had picked them up. Perhaps at the chemist’s last night?

His morning business finished a short time later, Bodie’s next stop was the kitchen. He’d slept till just past 9:30 am, incredibly late for him, which was a testament to how tired he’d been, and his stomach was making itself known. But once again he came to a stop as he saw Ray’s handiwork on display again.

On his kitchen counter was a small bag of pastries from the bakery just down the street. Next to it was Bodie’s favorite rugby mug, a birthday gift from Ray a few months ago, with a tea bag already in it. Next to that sat the sugar bowl. His kettle, presumably already filled with water, was plugged in, just waiting for Bodie to turn it on.

Bodie flipped the kettle on then peered into the bakery bag, finding his two favorites—a chocolate croissant and an apple fritter. Bodie smiled as he opened the refrigerator, intending to get out the milk for his tea, his smile only growing as he discovered a plate of sarnies sitting on the shelf that Ray had prepared for him, for his lunch.

Doyle had been a busy boy that morning, and Bodie was beyond appreciative at his partner’s thoughtfulness. Especially because he knew Ray still needed to go home and shower and change into fresh clothes before reporting in for duty.

Vowing to pay back his partner’s kindness, Bodie snagged the croissant and tucked into his sweet breakfast.

~*~*~*~*~

His morning meal finished a short time later, Bodie first made a stop in the bathroom, where he turned on the taps to start filling up the tub, then to his room, where he made up the bed and took out a fresh set of clothes for himself. He stripped down and went to leave the room when he spied the rubber duck sitting where he’d left it on his bedside table. He paused, rolled his eyes at himself and snatched up the duck before heading back to the loo.

He tossed the duck in the nearly full bath, where it landed with a soft plop and started bobbing around. Forgoing the bubble bath, Bodie instead sprinkled in some of the Epsom salts before climbing into the tub, where he sank down into the hot water with a grateful sigh.

He turned off the taps a minute later and relaxed back, letting the water and the salts work their magic on his bruised body. His gaze strayed to the cheerful rubber duck, smiling at him from the opposite end of the tub. Bodie nudged it with his big toe and thought about Ray. About the two of them.

Theirs was one of the few permanent partnerships of the forty or so active field agents in CI5. Cowley somehow knew who would work better as a team and who would work better on their own. Bodie was grateful the Old Man had seen something in both him and Doyle and paired them up. It had changed Bodie’s life, for the better.

Bodie thought about Lucas and McCabe, Lake and Williams and Matheson and King. And how his partnership with Ray differed from all of them. How truly rare it was.

He tried to picture Matheson and King sharing a bed and couldn’t do it. He tried to picture Lucas giving McCabe bubble bath and couldn’t do it. He tried to picture Lake laying out breakfast and making Williams lunch and couldn’t do it. Yet all of that was completely natural for him and Ray.

While all of his fellow agents were mates with their partners, they were mainly workplace friendships, rarely extending beyond the walls of CI5. Unlike he and Ray, who, despite the long hours they put in every single day, still spent much of their off time together.

Bodie simply felt content, comfortable, when he was with Doyle. There were no pretenses between them. Bodie could always just be himself, and the same with Ray. Good moods, bad moods—they were always there for each other.

Bodie recalled the first time they’d shared a bed together, about nine months after they’d been partnered up. Bodie was at Ray’s on the weekend, eating takeaway, watching rugby on the telly and drinking scotch. A bit too much scotch. At the end of the evening Bodie asked if Ray minded him commandeering his settee for the night.

“That old thing? Your back would be in knots come morning from trying to fit yourself on it, mate,” Doyle had replied. “C’mon. My bed’s big enough for two.”

There hadn’t been the slightest bit of hesitation on Bodie’s part to accept Ray’s offer. Simply a, “Cheers, mate.” and he’d climbed into bed beside his partner.

Bodie knew it should’ve been awkward, and he couldn’t have imagined doing the same with say, Murphy or Jax. But with Ray…it wasn’t awkward at all.

Sometimes it scared Bodie, how close of a bond he had with Doyle. Because he knew he could lose him at any time, with the dangerous life they lived. Bodie would do anything to protect Ray, even if that meant giving his own life to do it. And he knew without a doubt that Doyle would do the same for him. But if the day ever came when they were called upon to make the ultimate sacrifice, Bodie selfishly hoped they’d go out together.

Because being left without Ray? Bodie swallowed around the sudden knot in his throat. He couldn’t bear to even think about it.

~*~*~*~*~

It was a long and boring day.

Bodie’s soak in the tub once again helped greatly, especially with the addition of the salts, aiding in lessening his lingering muscle aches. His bruises continued to change colors, mottled red, purple and blue standing out in stark relief against his fair skin.

His limbs loose and relaxed from his bath, after Bodie dressed he carefully stretched and rotated his right shoulder, elbow and wrist. The joints all twinged with the movement, but the pain had decreased steadily over the last few days. Still, Bodie saw a date with Macklin in his future, in order to prove to Cowley he was ready to be put back on duty.

Determined to get back into HQ the following morning, even if it were for desk duty, Bodie decided to go for a walk down the block to fetch a newspaper, wanting to keep his body limber.

His progress down to the newsagent and back was still slower than his normal pace, but decidedly faster than when he’d come home from hospital, so that was definitely a plus.

Once back at his flat he found himself at odds and ends. He was a man of action and sitting around did not suit him. He tried listening to music. He tried reading his paper. He ate his plate of sarnies (peanut butter and grape jam, his favorite). He tried watching the telly. He tried reading a book. But nothing could hold his attention.

He fully expected Doyle to ring him at some point during the day to check on him, but the hours went by and the call never came. Though he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised he hadn’t heard from his partner. Cowley, no doubt, had him hopping all day, to make up for the two days leave he’d given him to be with Bodie.

Restless, he took himself off for another walk, down a few blocks to his favorite fish and chip shop for his supper. He found himself distracted as he ate and walked back to his flat, wondering what Ray had been up to all day, wishing he’d been there with him.

When he returned home, he decided to give his partner a ring himself, only to have his call go unanswered. And when he tried again, two hours later, around 8:00 pm, and Ray still didn’t answer, Bodie began to worry.

Had something happened to Ray? He had no idea what his partner had been working on today. Bodie shook his head. No. If Ray had been injured, someone would’ve called him. Cowley, Murphy, someone. Doyle must just be putting in some long hours today. That had to be the reason why Bodie hadn’t heard from him.

But when Bodie tried ringing again at nearly 10:00 pm and there was still no answer, his mind went somewhere it shouldn’t—that Ray was out with someone and wouldn’t be home that night.

Deep down he knew it was ridiculous, a knee-jerk reaction, especially considering what he thought had been slowly building between them.

But as he lay in bed that night, staring at the yellow duck on his dresser, his sense of disquiet stayed with him until he fell into a restless sleep.

~*~*~*~*~

He was still subdued the next morning as he got himself ready to go into HQ, his thoughts firmly centered on Doyle. There was no guarantee he would even see his partner today, if he was out in the field. But if he did? Should he ask him where he was last night? Even as Bodie considered it, it sounded…demanding, possessive. They weren’t in any kind of committed relationship. They were just mates. Ray’s time was his to do with as he pleased. Perhaps Doyle would simply say something himself when he saw Bodie. With a completely innocent reason for not being at home, and not what Bodie had been fearing.

His thoughts still swirling about in his head, Bodie opened the door of the Capri and eased himself into the driving seat with just a small grimace as bruises made themselves known. He went to put the key in the ignition when he froze mid-motion, doing a double take at what he was looking at.

There, sitting on the dashboard, was a very familiar looking yellow rubber duck.

Bodie blinked, gaping at the toy, which had another note around its neck.

“What the devil?” he muttered, reaching out to pick it up. Hadn’t this been on his dresser when he went to bed last night? Try as he might, he couldn’t remember if he saw it still sitting there this morning or not.

He lifted up the note and immediately recognized his partner’s scrawl.

Mind the speed limit, Flash Gordon!

Bodie couldn’t help the smile and laugh that rolled out of him. And just like that, his fears vanished like smoke in the wind. That crafty bugger had taken the time and effort to break into Bodie’s flat in the middle of the night, nick the duck, write the note, and then break into Bodie’s car to leave it for him. Those were not the actions of someone who didn’t care about him and who had interests elsewhere. And he felt ashamed for ever thinking it in the first place.

“Someone’s been perfecting their Raffles act,” Bodie commented to himself, impressed that Ray had been able to sneak into Bodie’s bedroom with him none the wiser.

His heart lighter than it had been in twenty-four hours, Bodie set the smiling little duck back on the dashboard and pulled away from the kerb.

And he minded the speed limit all the way to HQ.

~*~*~*~*~

The first thing Bodie did when he pulled into the car park was to look for Ray’s motor. But it was nowhere to be found, to Bodie’s disappointment. He found a spot for the Capri, and with another smile at the duck, locked up the car and headed inside.

His first stop was Cowley’s office. Gloria, his secretary, a pleasant middle-aged woman with short, light brown hair and glasses was sat at her desk outside the CI5 controller’s closed office door.

She looked up with a smile as Bodie approached. And even though Bodie was not supposed to be there, she didn’t seemed surprised at all to see him.

“3.7,” she greeted him. “Aren’t you on medical leave for the next four days?”

Bodie shrugged, returning her smile. “Can’t take sitting around at home any longer.” He tipped his head toward the closed door. “Mr. Cowley in? Like a word, if I could.”

Gloria shook her head. “He won’t be in for the rest of the week.”

Bodie frowned. He hadn’t even considered that Cowley wouldn’t be there. Now what was he supposed to do?

“You know you’re not cleared for active duty,” Gloria reminded him gently.

Bodie sighed. “Yeah, I know. Just thought I could be of some use round here until then. The brain still works even if the body is a bit banged up.”

The corners of Gloria’s mouth lifted. “Mr. Cowley left word with me that if you turned up, like he knew you would, you were to report to Louise in the computer room.”

But of course Cowley knew Bodie wouldn’t stay at home like he was supposed to.

Bodie smiled at her. “Cheers, Gloria.”

He turned to leave when she spoke again.

“Oh, and 3.7? It’s good to see you up and around.”

He gave her a wink over his shoulder and headed down the hallway toward the computer room. He scanned the rooms on either side as he walked, still looking for his partner, but coming up empty on his search. When he poked his head into the rest room he found Murphy, Lucas and McCabe getting their day started with a cuppa.

“Oi,” Bodie called out.

The three men turned toward him with matching, surprised grins.

“Bodie! Good to see you!”

“What’re you doin’ here, mate?”

“How’re you feeling?”

Bodie shrugged. “Still in one piece. Mostly.”

“Are you back on duty?” Lucas inquired.

Bodie shook his head. “Not yet. Cowley’s got me down in the computer room until I can get cleared. Say, any of you lot seen Doyle round here yesterday or this morning?”

His fellow agents looked at one another and then back to him.

“You mean you don’t know?” Murphy said.

Bodie’s brows drew together. “Know what?”

“Cowley’s got him on some sort of special assignment,” Lucas told him.

“He’s supposedly out of town, be out of touch for the next three, four days,” McCabe continued.

Bodie’s eyes widened. “What? On his own? Cowley sent him off on assignment by himself?”

Murphy cocked his head. “He’s a big boy, Bodie. He can take care of himself.”

Bodie’s lips compressed. “Yeah, I know that. It’s just—“

I should be with him. But I’m not and it’s my own damn fault I’m not. And it’ll be my fault if he gets in over his head and has no backup.

Bodie’s jaw clenched. “Where’s the Old Man?”

“He’s out of town, too,” McCabe answered him.

“Is he with Doyle on that assignment?” Bodie asked.

Lucas shrugged. “Don’t know. Sorry, mate.”

Bodie sighed. “Yeah, okay. You all stay safe out there. Catch you later.”

Bodie felt decidedly unsettled as the continued on his way to the computer room. This day wasn’t going anything like he thought it would. One of the reasons he’d come back early was to see Ray. And then to instead be blindsided with the information his partner was on special assignment. Alone. At least he now knew why Ray hadn’t called him yesterday and why he was unable to get ahold of Ray at home as well.

So why the bloody hell didn’t Ray wake him last night and tell him what was going on? Why all the nonsense with the duck and the note?

Maybe because Doyle knew Bodie would not take the news of a solo assignment well. And blame himself for not being able to be with him.

Too late for that, sunshine.

And maybe, too, Ray was afraid that Bodie would ask him to stay. Which he would have. And Ray may very well have. Which could have meant putting whatever case he was working on at risk. He’d obviously snuck back into Town from wherever he’d been to do all that he had.

That gave Bodie pause.

While he still wanted to wring his partner’s neck for deliberately keeping him in the dark, he was touched that Ray would go to such lengths. All so Bodie would know he was thinking about him.

And for that Bodie was grateful. Now all Ray needed to do was make it back to Bodie safe and sound so he could tell him that.

~*~*~*~*~

A few minutes later, Bodie reported to Louise in the computer room. She was a tall, severe looking woman with her blonde hair pulled back into a tight bun, dressed smartly in a long-sleeved blouse and straight skirt.

“Ah, Mr. Bodie,” she greeted him perfunctorily, sweeping up a stack of paperwork into her arms as she rose from her chair. “Mr. Cowley told me to be expecting you.”

Bodie fought not to roll his eyes. Was he really that transparent?

“This way, please,” she said, moving off deeper into the room, and Bodie followed along behind her.

She stopped next to an empty desk with a computer monitor on it and swept her arm out. “This will be your station until you are cleared for active duty,” she told him.

Bodie took a seat, feeling as though he were back in primary school. Louise was obviously not a woman to be trifled with. Bodie’s not inconsiderable charms wouldn’t work on her, of that he was certain.

“You will be responsible for data entry on the following cases,” she continued, dropping the large stack of paperwork on the desk and Bodie’s eyebrows rose. “Instructions are attached to each file.”

And with that she spun sharply on her heel and strode away.

Bodie sighed as he picked up the first sheaf of papers. It was going to be another long day.

~*~*~*~*~

Eight hours later, Bodie headed out of the building and into the car park, his eyes tired and gritty from staring at a computer screen all day, his body stiff from sitting for so long.

He’d never been much for computers, himself, but now he had a whole new respect for the men and women who worked in that department. It was tedious work, but they provided invaluable behind-the-scenes assistance, inputting information that agents like himself and Ray depended upon to successfully work their cases.

He’d gotten a few breaks during the day, of course. He had lunch with Lake and Williams in the rest room and was able to take himself off to the gym in the basement for a short while. He walked a few laps then picked up the lightest free weights he could find and did some slow, careful curls with his right arm, eager to get its full flexibility back.

His thoughts had strayed to his absentee partner several times throughout the day. He absolutely hated not knowing where he was or what he was doing. On his own, Bodie felt…incomplete. Like his shadow was missing.

With a tired sigh, he opened the driver’s door on the Capri and sat down behind the wheel. He immediately had the sensation something was wrong, and it took him a few seconds to realize the rubber duck was no longer sitting on the dashboard.

“What…?” he muttered to himself, looking down to see if it had somehow fallen off, only to discover the toy now sitting on the passenger seat.

“How the devil did you get there?” he asked it as he picked it up, noticing as he did so that there was a different note around its neck.

Keep my seat warm, sunshine. Back soon.

Bodie swallowed as a warm glow took hold deep inside him. A sensation that stayed with him until he fell asleep late that night.

~*~*~*~*~

Bodie yawned, running a hand through his still mostly wet hair as he rode the lift down to the ground floor of his building. He hadn’t slept well and as a consequence he was slow to get moving this morning and was running a bit late. He was afraid Louise might sit him in the corner if he was a minute past 9:00 am reporting in. But he’d promised Ray he would obey the speed limit, as much as it was against his nature to do so.

Ray.

His partner was the reason he hadn’t slept well. He’d kept one ear open nearly all night, wondering if Ray would try sneaking into his flat again. And the remainder of the night brought him half-formed dreams of Ray, born out of concern for his safety, out there on his own.

Bodie exited the lift and walked toward the front door. He was moving better today than yesterday. He’d given himself the once-over in the shower earlier. His bruises were still vivid and changing colors, and were still tender to the touch, but the dull muscle ache for the most part, continued to recede. His right arm was still the problem child, healing slower than the rest of his body, though his range of motion was improving each day. Hopefully he’d be able to hold, and fire, his sidearm come Monday when his medical leave was up.

The first thing Bodie noticed when he sat down in the Capri was that the duck was gone. He’d left it on the passenger seat, keeping it warm, just like Ray had asked. And it amused Bodie to have it riding around with him. Like a tiny version of his smiling partner. All it was missing was the curls.

Why Ray had taken the duck, Bodie couldn’t begin to guess. But just the fact that it was gone meant his partner had been here, confirmation that he was all right, which put Bodie’s mind at ease. At least for the moment.

Bodie put the car in gear and pulled out onto the road, already missing his tiny driving companion.

And its life-sized counterpart.

~*~*~*~*~

Bodie made it to his desk at 8:59 am, sparing him a rap on the knuckles with a ruler from Louise. With her managerial style, he secretly suspected she was actually Cowley’s sister.

The majority of the workers in the computer section were women. Normally, Bodie would’ve been in his element, as the pretty birds found excuses to stop by his desk and chat him up. But it wasn’t female company Bodie wanted. The company he did want was decidedly male. One male in particular.

His partner had been particularly on his mind that morning. Having apparently proved himself somewhat useful yesterday with his hunt-and-peck typing style, inputting all of those reports, Louise shifted part of Bodie’s workload to one specific case—he and Doyle’s missing bomber.

Bodie relished the chance to make up for his mistake in allowing the man to escape him that day and threw himself wholeheartedly in trying to track down his whereabouts, using CI5’s vast computer network. It was his hope that when Ray returned from whatever assignment he was on, and he himself was back on regular duty, they’d run this bomber to ground and bring him in. Bodie hated unfinished business.

Later that morning, Bodie took himself off alone to have his tea. He was glad to find the rest room empty and quiet. He was accustomed to spending so much of his day with just his partner, he wasn’t used to an office setting and all the noise that accompanied it.

He crossed the room to the kitchenette, filling and plugging in the kettle, getting the water to heating. He next reached up to the second shelf above the sink and selected his personal mug, which was always sat next to Ray’s. He dropped a tea bag in it then crouched down to pull open the bottom drawer, which contained his secret stash of Swiss rolls. A stash which Ray was totally unaware of.

Now, Bodie was not a man to startle easily. But he nearly jumped out of his skin when he looked down into the drawer to discover a little yellow duck smiling up at him from where it was sat on his box of treats.

His mouth dropped open in disbelief as he picked up the toy and read the note around its neck.

Bet you thought I didn’t know about these, now did you?

Once again Bodie was helpless to stop the smile and laugh that rolled out of him.

“Bloody little Sherlock Holmes,” Bodie marveled, shaking his head at being caught red-handed.

Here he thought he’d been so clandestine in keeping his Swiss roll cache a secret. He had absolutely no idea how his partner had sussed out his hiding spot, but somehow he wasn’t surprised at all.

What he was surprised about was that Ray hadn’t called him out on it.

Bodie set the duck down on the countertop, his expression changing from one of amusement to thoughtfulness as he gazed at the toy. How many times had Ray chided him good-naturedly about his choice of decidedly unhealthy foods? Swiss rolls, greasy fish and chips, all sorts of fried grub, jam tarts…

He knew Doyle was just looking out for him and there was a note of seriousness beneath the teasing. How often had his partner persuaded him to not stop for takeaway and invited him back to his flat to cook for him instead?

While Bodie didn’t believe he was a candidate for a heart attack at age twenty-nine, he knew the choices he made now could very well affect him years down the road. And he didn’t want to cut short even by a day, the time he wanted to have with Ray.

His thoughts turned once again to the other partnerships in CI5. He tried to picture McCabe cooking for Lucas. Tried to picture Williams persuading Lake to put down the sugary dessert and giving him an apple instead. Tried to picture King talking to Matheson about cholesterol and heart disease. And he couldn’t do it. Any of it.

Caring about one another’s health? It was another, unique aspect to their partnership. One that went beyond a simple, working relationship. A relationship he wanted to have for a very long time.

Bodie looked down at his box of Swiss rolls and closed the drawer.

He had a salad for dinner that night.

~*~*~*~*~

Bodie was in a rotten mood.

He hadn’t started off the day that way, though. Yesterday, after discovering the rubber duck with his Swiss rolls, he took the toy back to his desk, after first stopping at the front security desk, through which all CI5 agents had to pass through upon entering the building.

He spoke with Sammy, asking him if he’d seen Doyle come in early that morning, knowing that Sammy himself needed to be there before everyone else. But Sammy said that his partner had never checked in. And yet the duck was in the rest room.

Of course, Ray could’ve easily sworn Sammy to secrecy. But Bodie proceeded to ask everyone he came across if they’d seen Ray and the answer was always no. There was no possible way Doyle had sworn everyone to secrecy.

So how the hell had he gotten in and out of HQ unseen? Forget Raffles, his partner was pulling a full-on Houdini act!

Before he left, he made a stop down at the motor pool. He knew there was a spare set of keys kept for every vehicle, and he charmed the set for the Capri out of the lovely Mary, with a story of locking his own in the car that morning. What he was really going to do was leave the extra key under the duck so that his partner would stop breaking into his car every night.

The duck, sitting on said key, rode home with him in the passenger seat, where it remained when Bodie went into his building.

This morning, Bodie had gotten up early in order to use the gym at HQ before starting his day in the computer room. He was three steps from the Capri when he suddenly froze on the pavement.

What if the duck was still there?

Its disappearance had become Doyle’s signal to him that he was all right. And Bodie had become used to it vanishing. Too used to it. He’d begun taking it for granted that Ray would be fine on his own.

But things could change in the blink of an eye in this job.

Bodie forced himself to move, to open the car door, to look over at the passenger seat…

Which was empty.

Bodie’s relief was palpable. He exhaled a quick breath and felt his body release its tension. Ray was okay.

Bodie slid behind the wheel, smiling to himself the entire ride to HQ.

And that’s when things went rapidly downhill.

His body had been feeling better and better as the days went on, including his right arm. Feeling confident in his healing, he made the mistake of pushing himself too hard, too fast in the gym, lifting a free weight much heavier than he’d been doing, and he paid the price. His wrist and bicep and shoulder protested instantly, a sharp bolt of pain racing up his arm as the muscles spasmed. He couldn’t help the short, sharp cry he gave as he dropped the weight, which nearly crashed down on his foot.

He berated himself repeatedly as he left the gym, a hand curled protectively over his aching arm. If he’d done more damage to himself, which then in turn kept him on medical leave longer, which meant being away from Ray even longer…he’d never forgive himself.

As his bad luck would have it, on his way from the gym to his desk in the computer room, he unbelievably ran into Macklin in the hallway. The training instructor took delight in telling Bodie he was looking forward to putting him through his paces in the very near future, setting Bodie’s teeth on edge.

His foul mood continued as he started his work day, discovering the information he’d been gathering and sending out had not paid off and the second bomber was still in the wind. Reminding Bodie that this ongoing situation was all his fault, his throbbing shoulder attesting to his impetuousness that allowed the man to escape.

He once again took himself off to have his tea alone in the rest room, encountering King and Matheson as they were coming out the door. They greeted him warmly before having to hurry off on their current assignment, depressing Bodie even further that he was stuck on desk duty. Which again, he could only blame himself for.

Scowling, Bodie filled up the kettle then set it down on the counter with more force than was necessary. He jammed the plug in the socket and looked up to the second shelf, reaching in to retrieve his mug, only to blink at what he saw—the yellow duck, perched half on his mug and half on Ray’s.

He picked it up and read the note that was around its neck.

No sugar for me, thanks

Bodie huffed out a laugh as he grinned at Ray’s message. And just like that, his foul mood vanished.

Knowing how your partner took their tea was paramount to a good working relationship. Did they take it plain? Or with milk? Sugar? Milk and sugar? And not just that, but how much? One or two sugars? Just a splash of milk or a good half and half ratio? And further still, what kind of tea did they like? Tea in England was serious business, you know.

For Ray, it was the classic black tea, no sugar, with just a splash of milk. For Bodie, it was oolong with two sugars and a healthy dose of milk. And if you opened one of the cabinets in Bodie’s kitchen, you’d find a supply of black tea. PG Tips, of course. And if you opened Ray’s, you’d find a supply of oolong.

Bodie gazed down into the cup he was preparing for himself, idly swirling the bag around as it seeped.

How many cups of tea had he and Doyle shared over the last three years? Probably close to a thousand by now. They could make each other’s tea blindfolded. They shared a cuppa every once in a while, too. Ray always seemed to be the one filching a sip or two of Bodie’s. Bodie secretly, amusedly believed Ray actually liked the sweetness, but wouldn’t admit it.

Tea was a way of life in Britain. You drank it when you were happy. You drank it when you were sad. You drank it when you were sick. People bonded over cups of tea.

So many of those cups had been consumed right here in this very room, during brainstorming sessions about whatever case they were currently working on. The rest had been consumed at each other’s flats, over breakfast if one of them had spent the night, or for other reasons.

Bodie thought back to one such afternoon, about a year ago. Doyle was smarting after being used by Jill Haydon and her father Bill. The case had brought up bad memories for Ray, reminding him of the death of his partner, Syd Parker.

Sensing Ray didn’t want to be by himself after confronting Haydon at the jail, Bodie took him back to his flat, set him down on the settee and made them both tea, a silent invitation for Ray to talk, and that Bodie was there to listen.

And talk Ray did, in between sips of tea. Told Bodie all about Syd, how much he liked him, looked up to him. About his two little girls. About his wife, who’d taken ill just a month before Syd had been killed. Cancer.

Doyle got choked up more than once. He’d always been the more sensitive, emotional one of the two of them. The big-hearted one. And Bodie was glad of it. Was glad that Ray wasn’t hardened like he was. Was glad he hadn’t had the tough life experiences that Bodie had had.

As Ray drank his tea and talked about his late partner, Bodie remembered something Ray had said to him during that case…

“Bill Haydon stuck a bullet right through the middle of ‘im. Now tell me, Bodie, how would you feel about that?!”

And Bodie’s answer — “I dunno.” — had been a complete lie.

Finding Ray lying on a floor, shot to death? It would’ve destroyed Bodie. Just the thought hit Bodie so hard in that moment he couldn’t even express it, realizing how much Ray had come to mean to him. And how much his loss would gut him to his very core. So he’d mumbled the lie and looked away, walked away, needing a moment to gather himself.

So that afternoon Bodie sat with Ray and they drank their tea and talked and Bodie was eternally grateful he’d never had to experience the loss his partner had. Hoped he never, ever would.

And Ray was there for Bodie as well, with tea. Last winter Bodie had taken ill with a severe case of flu. Coughing, sneezing, sore throat, fever, chills—the whole lot. Could barely make it out of bed to the loo and back.

Doyle had taken leave and camped out at Bodie’s for nearly four days, to look after him, even though he risked catching the flu himself. He made Bodie tea with honey and lemon, twice a day, every day. He sat next to Bodie’s bed, reading the newspaper out loud to him as Bodie dutifully drank the tea, as much as he didn’t care for it. But Ray wanted him to, so he did.

Bodie absently wondered if Lucas and McCabe made each other tea, if they shared a mug, if they had their partner’s favorite at their own flats. He wondered if Lake made tea for Williams, sat and listened to him express his sadness. He wondered if King sat by Matheson’s bedside when he was sick, making him tea with honey.

Bodie’s gaze traveled across the room to the battered leather couch, the one Ray always sprawled across, long limbs everywhere, as he drank his tea. A sharp pang of loneliness reverberated through Bodie as he looked at the empty couch. That old saying came to mind, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone”. All these days without Ray by his side, Bodie felt as though he was missing a limb.

Bodie set his empty mug down on the counter, not even realizing he’d finished his tea while lost in thought. He went to turn, to take the mug to the sink when Jax suddenly hurried through the doorway. It was the first time Bodie had seen his mate and fellow agent all week.

Jax stopped short when he saw Bodie standing at the counter and he broke into a huge grin.

“Bodie! How’ve you been keeping yourself, mate?” He walked closer and eyed the scabbed-over abrasion on Bodie’s forehead. “Doing all right, are you?”

Bodie smiled back, nodding his head. “Yeah, bit worse for wear, but I’m okay.”

“Definitely lookin’ a mite better than the last time I saw you, that’s for sure.”

Bodie tipped his head. “Eh?”

“Oh, you didn’t know? I was there that morning you had your accident.”

Bodie’s brow furrowed. “You were?”

Jax nodded. “Was in the car when I heard Doyle come on the radio, yellin’ that you were down, that he needed an ambulance. The tone in his voice…I’ll be honest, mate, it scared me to death.

“I was only a few blocks away. Couldn’t have taken me more than three minutes to get there.” He paused. “When I saw the state of the van, then you lyin’ in the road, your face covered in blood… I was certain you were dead, Bodie. And Doyle…”

Jax blew out a breath. “He was in a right state. You must’ve opened your eyes at one point, because he was yellin’ at you to open them again. But you didn’t. I crouched down beside you, to take your pulse. Doyle had hold of your hand, and the look on his face… I’d never seen him so scared, Bodie,” Jax said quietly.

Bodie’s pulse skipped and he swallowed hard at all Jax was telling him. “Christ…” he muttered.

“The ambulance showed up just a few minutes later,” Jax continued. “Doyle hovered round the attendants the entire time they were workin’ on you, yellin’ at them to mind your head and neck. You never woke up, even when they moved you. I was afraid it was looking bad for you, mate,” Jax told him seriously.

“Doyle shouldered his way into the back of the ambulance, despite one of the attendants putting up a fuss,” Jax went on. “He was going with you, no matter what. He yelled at me to take care of one of your bombers, who’d been sitting on the kerb the entire time, in handcuffs.”

Bodie shook his head slightly. Leave it to Doyle to make sure both his assignment and Bodie were taken care of.

“The local coppers were there by now and Murphy showed up just as the ambulance pulled away,” Jax told him. “Between the two of us we got things sorted there in short order and handed your bomber over to the locals for safe keeping in their nick, then we both headed to the hospital.

“Doyle was pacin’ the floor like a caged animal when we got there. They’d taken you away for scans, he told us. With the way your head had hit the road, your doctors were almost certain you’d suffered some sort of brain injury.”

Bodie found himself gripping the edge of the counter as Jax’s story went on, at all that had happened with Ray in the aftermath of his accident, that he’d been oblivious to until right now.

“Cowley showed up just then, wanting a status report, which I gave him. When he found out that you were still undergoing treatment, he ordered Doyle back out on the street, since your other bomber was still missing and he was still the primary agent on the case, tellin’ him there was nothing he could do for you.”

Jax’s brows rose. “Doyle got right up in the Old Man’s face, nearly bit his head off, yellin’ at him he wasn’t goin’ anywhere and just try and make him leave. Murphy and I intervened at that point, before it could get any more heated, sayin’ we’d take care of the bomber. That pacified them both and we left with Cowley, while Doyle stayed, waiting on word about you.”

Bodie was staring at Jax, his mouth agape. “I didn’t…I didn’t know any of that,” he replied quietly. “Thanks for telling me.”

Jax nodded, reaching out to clasp Bodie’s arm. “I’m just glad you’re all right,” he told him before moving past Bodie to the refrigerator, where he withdrew a paper lunch sack.

He took a few steps back past Bodie when he stopped and turned around, his dark eyes serious. “Bodie, what you and Doyle have…it’s special. One in a million. I hope you know that.”

Bodie nodded slowly, picking up the duck and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Yeah,” he replied, voice gruff. “Yeah, I do.”

~*~*~*~*~

Upon arriving home that evening, Bodie sat in the Capri for a long while, holding the duck in his hand.

It was no longer just a toy. No longer just a gag gift between mates. Ray’s placement of it these last few days seemed purposely deliberate, designed to stir up thoughts and feelings and memories for Bodie. All of which were building toward something he couldn’t quite grasp yet.

He took a bath before bed, not because he needed to, as he was healing nicely, but because it reminded him of the night Ray took such good care of him. The night he wanted Bodie to ask him to stay. The night Ray held him so gently in his arms. The night Bodie thought Ray kissed him.

When he slid under the duvet, his skin still warm from his bath, he lay on his side, looking at the empty pillow beside him. In his mind he pictured his partner lying there, smiling softly at him, a tightness in his chest until his eyelids grew heavy and finally slid closed.

But it was to be a sleepless night for him.

His dreams replayed all that Jax had told him, picturing all that he’d put Ray through that day. How close he came to dying, to leaving his partner forever. In his dream, he opened his eyes from where he lay in the road and reached for Ray…

…the images then morphing into the kiss that night in his bed, that this time didn’t end, that flowed seamlessly into being with Ray, as intimately as possible. And how right it felt.

Bodie woke with an ache deep inside himself that he knew only Ray could ease. And he cursed the circumstances that were keeping them apart, when he so badly needed to talk to him about all that he was feeling.

~*~*~*~*~

Bodie found himself distracted that morning at HQ, as he sat at his desk. His focus kept shifting from the continued work he was doing on the bomber case to thoughts of his partner.

For his lunch break, he took himself off to the gym, to try and clear his mind. He set off on a slow jog around the small track, pleased with the steady progress he was making in his healing. Even his right arm was feeling much better.

He was on his fourth lap when he spotted Murphy waving at him from the gym door. Bodie made his way over, stopping in front of his mate, hands on hips, breathing a little harder than normal.

“Bodie, there you are. Been looking for you.”

Bodie blew out a breath. “What d’you need, Murph?”

Murphy tipped his head down. “I probably shouldn’t even be telling you this. The Old Man will have my head if he finds out. But if it were my partner, I’d want to know.”

Bodie’s pulse skipped. “Doyle?” Murphy nodded and Bodie took a step forward. “For God’s sake, Murphy, spit it out!” he demanded.

Murphy lowered his voice. “Don’t ask me to tell you who I overheard this from, but… This special assignment Doyle’s on? He’s undercover, trying to track down your missing bomber.”

“What?” Bodie hissed. “Without a partner? Who’s watching his back?”

Murphy shrugged. “That I don’t know. But all that research you’ve been doing? It’s being funneled right to him and he’s damn bloody close to catching this guy.”

Bodie’s mouth opened but he found himself temporarily speechless, trying to process the bombshell Murphy had just dropped on him.

“Listen,” Murphy said. “I’ve gotta run. Keep this between us, okay?”

Bodie blinked. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. And Murph? Thank you,” he said sincerely.

The tall agent nodded slowly. “I know you’ve been worried about him, wondering where he is. If I hear anything more I’ll be sure let you know.”

“You’re a good mate, Murph.”

Murphy gave him a small smile. “And you and Doyle are a good team.”

“People keep telling me that lately.”

Murphy grinned. “Must be something to it then, eh?” he winked and then turned and walked away.

“You have no idea,” Bodie murmured softly.

~*~*~*~*~

If Bodie had been intent before on catching his missing bomber, he was even more driven now, knowing Ray was the one out there, depending on his information.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, with bouts of furious activity as Bodie continued to discover more leads and connections that narrowed down the search, interspersed with periods where he found himself staring off into space, his thoughts firmly centered on Ray, concerned for his partner’s safety.

Going undercover was inherently the most dangerous work any agent could do. One wrong move, one wrong word and your cover could be blown. More than one agent had died as a result of that, and Bodie’s stomach churned with the thought that could be Ray’s fate as well, if anything went wrong. He’d never be able to live with himself if Ray died as a result of his own incompetence.

~*~*~*~*~

By the end of the day, Bodie was mentally exhausted. His eyes burned from working at the computer for so long and there was a dull ache in his temples. He’d heard no more from Murphy, or from anyone, so as far as he knew, the bomber had still not been caught.

Bodie left HQ with Ray at the forefront of his mind, unsettled and worried as he slid behind the wheel of the Capri…to come face-to-face with a yellow duck, sitting on the dashboard.

Bodie’s eyes widened at the sight of the toy. So much had been going today that he hadn’t even realized until now that he hadn’t come across the duck all day.

Something inside his chest loosened as he picked it up, confirmation that Ray was all right. There was another note around its neck. Bodie’s breath caught and stuttered as he read the two words.

Miss you

And there, in the middle of the CI5 car park, Bodie had an epiphany that changed everything.

Being separated from Ray these last several days, and all of the memories that had been stirred up because of it, hit him all at once—taking care of one another when they were hurt or sick, being there for each other through good moods and bad, spending their off-hours together, concerns about health disguised as good-natured ribbing about food, bonding over tea and being vulnerable with each other, sharing a bed…

Everything Bodie couldn’t picture any of the other partnerships in CI5 doing, but was just second nature to them. So what did that say about the two of them?

How many birds and blokes had the two of them gone through over the past three years? Too many to count. But why? Why had none of them lasted? Because they were already in a committed relationship. With each other. That line they were afraid of crossing? They’d already done it. They just hadn’t realized it.

They were so worried about putting a label on their relationship, what they meant to one another, when moving from friends to lovers now felt like the most natural progression in the world to Bodie. Why had they been fighting it?

Spending so much time together with Ray, Bodie couldn’t see the forest for the trees. It took this separation for him to look at their relationship in an entirely new way. How special it was. How much Ray truly meant to him.

Bodie had miraculously survived the accident with the lorry. He’d been given a precious second chance. And he wasn’t going to waste it.

Before he could change his mind about what he was going to do, Bodie quickly scrabbled for the pen he kept in the glovebox. With a racing heart and a hand that shook just slightly, he turned the note over, took a breath, and carefully wrote three little words.

He placed the duck carefully on the passenger seat and started up the Capri. It took all of his willpower to not look at it the entire drive back to his flat, for fear he would second guess himself and throw the note away instead. But he kept his eyes straight ahead, minding the speed limit, until he parked in front of his building. Where he left the little toy sitting on the seat, and went inside.

And then he waited.

~*~*~*~*~

The next day dragged on interminably for Bodie, the hands on the clock moving at the speed of molasses.

He’d been on pins and needles ever since he got into the Capri that morning and saw that the duck was gone. What he’d said, what he’d written—it was out there now and there was no taking it back.

The question was—how had Ray taken it?

No new information was to be gleaned by Bodie’s computer investigation into the bomber case, leaving him frustrated, worried once more for his partner’s safety. He wanted this case wrapped up and Ray back with him.

With little to do, Bodie prowled the halls of HQ throughout the day like a caged animal. He was nearly crawling out of his skin, searching everywhere for the duck, for a reply from Ray.

But the toy was nowhere to be found.

~*~*~*~*~

It was with a heavy heart that Bodie sat down behind the wheel of the Capri that evening in the car park, looking over at the empty passenger seat. The absence of the little yellow duck hit him hard. Finding it in the car had been his last hope.

He gripped the steering wheel and rested his forehead against it, a tightness in his chest. What had he been thinking? He’d pushed too hard, too fast and now his impulsive note had ruined everything.

He drove home on autopilot, an overwhelming sense of loss growing inside him. He parked in front of his building and had only taken a few steps toward the front door when he stopped and did a double-take at what he saw on the street.

Doyle’s white Escort.

It was parked just a few vehicles down from the Capri. Bodie’s pulse leaped. Ray was here. And not trying to hide it. Which meant the assignment must be over. Which meant he was all right.

Bodie exhaled harshly, a wave of relief washing over him. Only to be replaced by a fresh wave of anxiety a moment later. Ray was here, but what did that mean? What path would their future take, now that Bodie had spoken from the heart? Were those three words in Ray’s heart as well?

Bodie forced himself to move, to walk through the front door and into the lift. Butterflies the size of bats took hold in his stomach as he rode up to the fourth floor. He paused with his hand on the doorknob to his flat, taking a long, steadying breath before walking inside.

The first thing Bodie noticed was how quiet it was. He’d been expecting to see his partner standing there in the short hallway, but it was empty. The lights were on in the lounge, but it, too, was empty. As was the kitchen. That left just Bodie’s bedroom and the loo.

He stepped up to the doorway of his room to find the small bedside light on, but again, no sign of his partner. His brows drew together in confusion. That only left…

His stomach somersaulting again, he walked slowly down to the end of the hall, to the open doorway of the bathroom, where he looked inside.

His heart lodged itself somewhere in his throat at the sight before him.

There was Ray, naked in the bathtub, surrounded by fluffy white soap suds, the duck floating merrily among them, the room smelling suspiciously like strawberry, Bodie’s note sitting on the side of the tub. Ray looked up at him, his soft, slow smile piercing Bodie to his very core, the tender affection shining from his green eyes stealing Bodie’s breath.

Doyle held out a hand to Bodie in silent invitation, and in that moment, all of Bodie’s questions were answered. He knew exactly what was in Ray’s heart. He knew exactly what their future held. And that kiss? He knew it had most definitely been real.

There was no hesitation on Bodie’s part this time to undress in front of his partner. And this time Doyle’s gaze unabashedly swept up Bodie’s naked body as Bodie joined him in the bath.

Bodie sank down into the warm water, facing Ray, stretching his legs out in front of him. Doyle moved in close, his long legs wrapping around Bodie’s waist. He ran a hand up Bodie’s arm, across his shoulder and up his neck, to cup the side of Bodie’s face. Bodie’s heart skipped a beat at the warmth in his partner’s expression.

Doyle’s thumb brushed across Bodie’s cheek. “Is it really this simple?” he whispered.

Bodie’s voice was rough with restrained emotion. “We’ve been the simple ones, not realizing we’ve been in love with one another for years.”

“Love, eh? That what this is, then?” Doyle teased him gently, green eyes dancing.

The corners of Bodie’s mouth lifted. He should’ve known all along how easy this would be between them.

Under the water, he ran his hands up Ray’s thighs, to settle them on his partner’s hips. “What would you say if I said I wanted to kiss you, sunshine?” he murmured.

Doyle swallowed, his reply tremulous, his eyes shining. “I’d say what the bloody hell are you waiting for?”

Bodie felt a tug deep inside him, the likes of which he’d never experienced before as he leaned in and closed the small distance between them.

Their mouths met and touched for their first, true kiss, their lips warm and soft against one another’s. Ray tasted as sweet as the scent of strawberries in the air, as Bodie somehow knew he would. Doyle made a tiny sound that hit Bodie straight in the heart, moisture gathering behind his closed eyes, his hands sliding up Ray’s long, bare back, his partner reaching for him at the same time.

As they moved into each other’s arms, the little yellow duck bobbed happily in the water beside them, smiling at the two men who finally figured it out.

With a little help from him, of course.

THE END