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Carl’s eyes grew wide as he saw Sophia move before he could stop her. She’d just barely poked her head out, when she jumped back, whimpering as growling grew stronger. Two walkers were lagging behind the others, and instantly saw her. One fell to its front, crawling across the pavement. Carl saw another just behind it. He moved quickly, watching as Sophia crawled to the other side of the truck, and ran from the two dead lumbering after her. Carl scraped his palms as he dragged himself from under the truck, but ignored the sting as he raced after her, heart beating rapidly in his chest. He could get to her, he could!
“Carl!” He heard behind him, but didn’t even hesitate to get to Sophia first. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to the right. The air was humid, the ground soft, and Carl soon saw a stream.
Both Carl and Sophia yelped when something jumped out at them, and struggled before they realized it was his dad.
“Dad!”
“Shoot it!” Sophia hissed, tears in her eyes, “Shoot them!” She reached for his dad’s gun when he didn’t. Carl held her hand tightly, looking around for any sign on them.
“I can’t, it’ll draw attention from the herd on the highway.” Carl nodded, agreeing. He’d rather run from three than a hundred. “Look, I don’t have a knife, so I need to find a rock or stick. They don’t get winded either, I do. I need to draw them off, handle one at a time.” His dad looked at him, checking him over before nodding. “Okay, you guys hide over here.” He led them to the stream, situating them under a fallen tree that held overgrowth around it, like a small cave. “Stay here, wait for me. If I don’t make it back in ten minutes, go back to the highway, keep the sun on your left!” His dad hugged him, kissing his head, “Keep her safe okay?” Carl nodded, swallowing his fear. With that, his dad was gone.
Two Caterpillars
In love and yearning
Spend every evening
And morning learning
“Carl?” Sophia rasps, holding his hand with dirty fingers. “I’m thirsty.” Carl sighs, eyes flickering to the girl next to him. She was swaying, the heat not helping at all as she looked around.
“I know, me too.” He replies, stress building in his chest. It had been two days since they left the stream, trying to head back to the highway. Carl had gotten lost, having kept the sun on his left should have helped, until the sun got so low that he couldn’t see. He made Sophia climb a tree, teaching her how, and they didn’t sleep much. He almost fell twice, and Sophia’s sniffles didn’t help him relax.
He’d eaten some mushrooms, bitter and dirty, before throwing them up a little after. Sophia wouldn’t eat them until she knew they were safe, smart girl, but Carl wasn’t so lucky.
“We need to find a house.” Sophia whispers, unwilling to speak too loud, afraid to draw attention. He didn’t see anything, or hear anything, but walkers were everywhere. Like lions and tigers, just waiting to pounce.
“I know,” Carl tugs her to the left, just heading north, he thinks. The sun sets in the west, and rises in the east. So if it’s morning, the sun should be on his left, that’s what his dad said. His eyes lit up when he saw a break in the forest, the gray horizon of a road. Concrete! Sophia gasps, thinking they found the highway back, and she rushes forward but Carl tugs her back. Shaking his head, he moves them slowly ahead. Some cars were there, more to the right, further down. A jam, judging but the mass of cars parked and abandoned. Looking left, he spots clear roads, nothing for at least a mile until the road vanishes over the horizon.
“Okay, slow. We stick together.” She nods, gripping his hand, “We don’t split up, but I need you to keep looking out when I’m looking through the cars. Can you do that?”
“What if they’re too tall to see over?”
Carl bit his lip, before swallowing the lump in his throat. “You can climb on top of the car I’m looking in, if you spot any, we’ll hide okay?”
Sophia nodded, a small smile on her face. The amount of trust in her eyes scared him more than any walker.
To hold each other
Their hunger burning
To navigate a world
That turns, and never stops turning
Together in this world
That turns, and never stops turning
Carl’s eyes snapped open as a clap of thunder rolled over the sky, the darkness of the truck disorienting. A weight shifted over him, and he was finally able to focus, feeling a body against him. He was warm, arms wrapped around Sophia as she curled up against him. A ratty blanket was over them, providing heat against the chill of the storm outside.
He saw a flash of lightning from the cracks in the sheets covering the windows. The heavy patting of rain was deafening, a crack of thunder rang his ears before he settled again. It was growing cold at night, winter settling in. It had been days, weeks, since they finally realized they were on their own. Carl tried to find the road, to find the others, but he got turned around, all highway jams looked the same. It was dangerous to stop at every one to check if their group was there. The last time was the first time he killed his first walker; it had trapped Sophia when he had his back turned to dig through a car. It didn’t notice him, so he got the upper hand, but still. It was one close call too many. She cried for a day when he said they weren’t looking for another road block.
She cried a lot, actually. Carl never knew a girl could cry so much, but he supposes he would cry too. He did, often, when she wasn’t looking. He missed his mom, Shane, and his dad. A dad he only had back for a few days before he was the one to be ripped from them. Sophia said she missed her mom, but not her dad. Carl remembered her dad, and said he didn’t blame her.
It didn’t matter now. Days had passed, and Sophia said it had been at least a month since they left the quarry. She said she last saw a full moon at the quarry, and she saw another two nights ago. Carl didn’t know that meant a month had past, and didn’t want to look stupid so he just said he hadn’t noticed. Sophia liked the stars, pointing out constellations and telling him what phase of the moon was showing. She taught him a lot of things. Some were cool, and helpful, but others were kind of gross. Like what a period was. Though he thought it was gross that girls would bleed for a week for no reason, Sophia said it was just natural-Carl thought differently-but he did worry for her. She’d cry, curl up into herself, hold her stomach at times, and not want to move for hours. She explained it made her hurt, that her insides were shedding, so it caused her pain that her insides were reforming. She smacked him when he asked if it was like a snake-apparently it was not.
Having her incapacitated for a few days a month didn’t bother him. Carl swore to protect her and keep her safe, and he would do so. He had a few knives, a metal bat, medicine with names he couldn’t say but the back said what it was for and how often to take them. Sophia didn’t mind, and they helped her pain, so that was what mattered.
“Carl?” Sophia grumbled, “M’hungry.”
Carl snorts, “Join the club.” Despite teasing her, he pulled their food pack to him, pulling out some stale jerky. “Here.” She took it after feeling for it in the dark. “Storms passing over, getting further away. We might move tomorrow.”
“Alright.”
Carl leaned back, lulled into a daze as he listened to Sophia sluggishly chew her food and the world outside. He wondered what storms looked like from space, what the stars saw as the world turned. His arms wrapped tighter around Sophia, his eyes tearing up as he stared into the darkness. Sometimes he felt that he could feel the world spinning, if he sat still enough.
Two Caterpillars
Against the weather
The wind grows colder
But they’re together
The snow was light, soft under their boots as they walked the back road. The two were bundled tightly, oversized clothes keeping them warm as the wind picked up. Carl walked beside Sophia, who was chatting with him about anything and everything.
“That’s why I like cats more than dogs.”
Carl was unimpressed. “That’s such a girl's answer.”
Sophia rolled her eyes, “Shut up! Gimme.” She held out her hand, and Carl wordlessly passed the m&ms, at least they agreed on superior candy. They slow to a stop as a sigh for a town, counting 6 miles, approaches. “You know that town?”
“No,” Carl shakes his head. He didn’t even know where they were. They could be out of Georgia for all he knew. The two shared a look, before turning in the direction of the town. Their hands found each other, swinging between them as they walked towards their unknown destination.
“I hate winter,” Sophia said into his ear, like it was a secret, leaned up against him in the house they boarded up. They camped out in the back room, a window for escape if needed. The front door was locked and barricaded, along with the bedroom door they were behind now.
“I think a lot of people do.” Carl answers, ‘especially these days’ he thought to himself.
“No, not for the way most people think.” She shakes her head, blond hair brushing her shoulders. It has gotten longer since they’ve been together. Carl’s hair was curling around his neck, tangling and annoying. Carl tries not to stare at how soft her hair looks, that’d be weird.
“Why then?”
“Butterflies,” She says, like it was obvious. “I love butterflies, and they don’t come out in winter.”
She was silent, like she was waiting for him to laugh at her, but he wouldn’t. He remembered seeing butterflies at home, in their garden, at the park, camping, or just around outside. His mom said that if one landed on you it was because of angels, protecting you. His dad said they were good luck, that he shouldn’t touch their wings or else they’d be unable to fly and die because they were so fragile.
Carl nods, “Yeah, they’re really pretty.” His voice cracks, and he clears his throat to hide it. “I like the blue ones.”
Sophia smiles, her eyes sparkling. Carl thought briefly that he saw a butterfly with wings the color of her eyes once, that rich gold. He looks away, anxiety building in his chest, cheeks flushing. “I like the yellow ones.” She wrapped herself close to him, winter chill seeping into the home as they settled in to sleep. “Take first watch?”
“Yeah,” He nods, face flushing as she lays her head on his shoulder. He wondered if walkers ate caterpillars, and hoped they didn’t. It would be nice to see some in the spring.
They hold each other
No way of knowing
They’re all they have for shelter
And something inside them is growing
They long to stay together
But something inside them is growing
“Carl!” Sophia hissed, eyes focused on something to their left. Carl tensed, anticipating a walker, but stopped when he saw a monarch butterfly, fluttering its wings. “They travel north for the summer, this one must be passing through.” Carl felt his lips twitch, a slow grin on his face as he watched her creep forward, eager to get closer. It was the most he saw her happy since they got separated, not even when he found a box of chocolate was she this happy.
“Carl?” He blinked, blushing when he saw her frowning at him. “You okay?”
“Yup!” He turned, walking from her and continuing down the road. “Perfect.”
She giggled, “You’re blushing!”
“No, it’s hot out.”
“It’s spring.”
“So?” They paused when a few walkers lumbered from the tree line. Carl sighed, “C’mon.” He led her to the opposite tree line. They ran into the woods a bit before climbing a tree. They waited, and sure enough, the walkers came. Carl and Sophia shared a look as more and more seemed to come. They pass below, continuing on in search of the two meals that got away. It was twenty minutes, Carl guessed, before the last stragglers trickled by.
Carl turns to Sophia, “That’s the second herd this week.”
She nods, “Yeah…”
“We need to move,” Carl huffs, starting to climb down. “C’mon.”
“Why do you think there are so many herds?”
“They’re like…fish.”
“Fish?”
“Yeah, they just follow each other. Ya know? Like the ones in the tanks at stores, there was always a group moving together. Animals also aren’t safe-a lot of them migrate or hibernate in winter right?”
Sophia nods, “Right.” She looked troubled, “Follow the food.”
Carl nods. “That’s what I’m thinking.”
“We should be careful then. Maybe drive? Or-or that thing you said your dad did?”
“We’ll need sheets or blankets…we could try to see if a car works around here…”
Sophia takes Carl’s hand, smiling at him as he begins to get self-conscious, overthinking everything. “I saw some sheets in a few cars back the way we came. C’mon.”
Oh, Caterpillars
Don’t you hold on too tight
Both of you know
It’s your time to grow
To fall apart, to reunite
“Wonders await you-”
Carl cut her off, “What are you doing?”
Sophia looked up from her notebook, smiling at him. They were resting on the roof of a house, a window from the second floor bedroom giving them access. A walker locked in the second room was grasping and scraping against the window to the left of them.
“Writing a song,” Her voice danced, and Carl couldn’t help his own smile. He saw her duck under a curtain of long blond hair, it was braided in parts, clumsy and unmanaged but Carl did try his best. He’d gotten enough practice over the two years they traveled together that they were starting to look like braids now.
“A song?”
“Mhm, a love song.” She teases him, laughing at the rose dusting his cheeks. They’d shared a first kiss and ‘I love you’ the night before, and Carl was still turning red from a simple grin.
“About what?” Carl asks, voice shaky as he comes to sit beside her, licking a spoon. Chocolate pudding has been thoroughly enjoyed.
Sophia looks up at him, brown eyes gold in the sun. Carl has trouble breathing when looking into them most times. He can’t look away though, too entranced.
“Butterflies…”
Carl smirks, “Can I hear?”
Sophia actually blushes, “I-I don’t know how it’s supposed to sound…it’s more of a poem really.” Carl likes how her freckles dot her cheeks like stars in the sky.
“Read it to me then.”
She hesitated before clearing her throat. She tells of two caterpillars, living together and surviving a world that’s much bigger than them. How they suffer together and grow, but there is something else. Something will happen and they both know it. Carl’s stomach twists, seeing the parallel between them and the caterpillars.
“Wonders await you
Just on the other side
Trust they’ll be there
And start to prepare
The way for tomorrow…”
Carl was quiet for a moment before he smiled at Sophia. “That’s really nice.”
“Yeah?” She asks, “I like music and I miss it sometimes, you know? Mom and I would put the radio on when dad wasn’t home and dance in the kitchen sometimes…”
“I mean it, it’s sad but a good sad.” He nods, before taking her hand, “Kinda sounds like us though.”
She grins, “I wouldn’t leave you.”
“Not even for some skittles?”
She snorts, “Oh, definitely over skittles.”
Oh, Caterpillars
Don’t you hold on too tight
Both of you know
It’s your time to grow
To fall apart, to reunite
At sixteen, Carl knew Sophia was it for him. They’d been together for years by now. Just the two of them. It was honestly heaven, of course they missed their family, but it was so simple to just be the other half of someone. The pair worked seamlessly together; finishing sentences, talking with just glances, and knowing what the other needed without them saying anything. Carl was tall now, lean like his father had been, shoulders broad and strong. If he could keep a steady diet, put some weight on, he’d probably fill out like him too. But Carl did have that willowy look to him, like his mother. His dark brown hair was shared with her, and he even let Sophia cut it when he got sick of having to have hair ties for when it got in his face. He picked up a hat, a cowboy one like his dad. Sophia did it, grinning at him as she pranced over with it poorly hidden behind her back, dancing away as she plunked it on his head. He told her he hated it-but then never took it off. He used a sword now, picked it up at an arts museum; he’d never have thought to look in there to be honest. Sophia had wanted to check out the art, see if there was anything worth stealing. There was. Carl now kept a sword, three daggers, and a machete. He kept to dark colors, a jean jacket his usual method of protection from the elements but also walker teeth.
Sophia grew too. She’d been taller than him for two years, before she just seemed to stop at 5’5, instead filling out in other places. She was more woman than girl now, with wider hips and a heavier chest. Her hair was longer too, and she still loved for Carl to braid it. She also grew into weapons, having stolen two shorter swords, some Japanese type, from an elegant display in the museum. She loved the designs on them, and took as good care of them as she could. She also stole some knives, and quite a bit of very old jewelry. Carl wasn’t sure why, but she did have a good argument that ‘no one was coming to look at it anytime soon anyways’, and he couldn't really argue with that logic now could he? The jewels were beautiful though, on her tan skin, the gold and silver clashed, at least they didn’t match to Carl, but when Sophia let herself relax, eyes closed and head back to bask in the sun, she glittered. He’d braided a few flowers into her hair, and froze when a butterfly had landed on a daisy. Right in the middle of her forehead. A kiss of luck from mother nature. That image was burned into his brain.
Carl wasn’t going to lie, he could watch Sophia do nothing and he’d never get distracted from her. He loved her, burned for her, lived for her. The elegant ring on the third finger of her left hand spoke of his devotion and passion, a black and gold band on his own from her spoke of hers in return. He could still remember the day he presented it to her, down on one knee, in the summer season one day, they decided to relax in a meadow full of wild flowers. She’d been standing with her back to him, looking out over the hill before turning around, eyes growing wide before she started laughing. Really, it was comical. Sophia loved to prattle that Carl looked terrified, holding up a shining gold ring with tightly pinched dirty fingers. It had three bands, the middle a row of white stones, the outside bands curving out from the center where the opal sat. Blue sapphire butterflies with white markings faced inwards at the top and bottom, gold flowers with a diamond center framed the sides. It was intricate, decorative, unique and something that just shouted Sophia to him when he saw it at an antique store they scavenged. She loved it of course, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes as she threw herself at him, nearly causing him to drop the ring in the grass below them.
She stated they weren’t married until she found one for him, but Carl didn’t necessarily care about that-they were husband and wife long before the rings ever came into play for him-but she insisted she find one for him. Thus, she found the onyx ring with a gold strip in the center. It wasn’t elaborate, but she said that black and gold were strong colors, unlike the innocence of white, black held a strength and presence that white just couldn’t cut with being associated with purity and innocence. The gold was just to match her ring, but Carl loved it anyway.
They had sex that night, in a cabin they found secluded on a lake. Fumbling like the teenagers they were, they laughed and relished in being able to safely enjoy each other. It was just as special as it was said to be, the first time. Carl fell asleep to the feeling of Sophia’s fingers drawing shapes into his back, her humming her poem, vibrating in his ears as dreams of a wonderful life consumed him.
Wonders await you
Just on the other side
Trust they’ll be there
Start to prepare
The way for tomorrow
Sophia sat on the floor of the bathroom in the house they squatted in. She stared blankly at a white and pink test, two red lines dark and clear as ever. She sat there for a long time, just thinking about her mother, her father, the type of mother she would be, the type of father Carl would be, and the type of world they would be bringing a life into. While she loved her time with Carl, and the world was lighter with him there to guide her way, it was still dark. Monsters lurked at every void, watching and waiting for a sign of weakness. One misstep, one unnecessary risk, one sound out of place, and they would be done for. Sophia couldn’t help but cry, sorrow encompassing her.
Carl found her thirty minutes later, having barricaded the downstairs before moving up. He saw her first, before looking around to see what made her so upset. His heart stopped when he saw it, knowing exactly what that was. He reached for it, hand shaking as he picked it up, blinking his eyes to make sure it wasn’t some crazy mirage. His stomach twisted before he set the test down and turned to his wife. He kneeled down, placing one hand over hers before brushing hair behind her ears and out of her face. Licking his lips, he asked her once.
“What do you want to do?”
Sophia finally moved after a few seconds, a fog lifting from her eyes. “What?”
“T-the baby,” He whispered, afraid it would upset her more. Did he call it a baby or an it? Did she feel better referring to it as a baby or fetus? What did he do? What should he do? He didn’t think he’d ever be asking himself this at nineteen. “The pregnancy…what do you want to do?”
“I…” She trailed off, eyes swelling and turning red. “I don’t know.” Carl pulled her close, before lifting her into his arms, walking them to the room they chose to sleep in. Carl curled up with her in his lap, rubbing her back as she started to cry. “I just-” She choked, and Carl didn’t push her, simply waiting for her to calm herself. It took a few minutes but she shakily continued, “For a moment, I was so happy.”
Carl held her tighter, chest beginning to ache. He thought about it; a small child, maybe a girl with Sophia’s hair, his eyes and her nose, maybe his smile with her laugh. Or a boy, his dark hair, his mom’s earthy eyes, his chin and height, and Sophia’s gentle nature. It sounded wonderful, like a future Carl could look forward to and actually smile about. Until a walker came, ripping into the child while he couldn’t do anything to stop it. Until he pictured a hard winter, little food and too cold of nights, waking up to their body stiff and frozen. Maybe they’d starve and die while they fell asleep, they’d wake with growls and milky eyes.
“I know,” Carl replies, voice cracking. Sophia hid her face in his neck. “I-I…could we even get rid of it? I-I don’t even know how to…to start that…if we decided not to.” Sophia shuddered, nails digging into his arms painfully, hiding from the reality of that option as well. Carl heard his mother gossip to her friends of horror stories of women who got abortions, dying during the procedure and going to hell, of women ripping whole babies from their stomachs or killing the children. Once he’d heard his dad and Shane talk about a case, a car accident, the woman had been pregnant and was injured, and the husband had the choice to save either her or the baby. His dad muttered how insane it was, to make someone choose like that. Carl wasn’t sure if the man ever chose his wife or baby, as Shane caught him listening and they promptly stopped the conversation and turned attention elsewhere. “It might be dangerous to do so. But it’ll be dangerous to keep them as well.”
“How-how do we handle this?” She whimpered, sniffling into his shirt.
Carl sighed, thinking it over. It was logical to think of this like it was someone else. How did you give advice about a situation that would be dangerous no matter what path you took? “We have two paths,” He started, voice even, an edge of detachment as he tried to logically think it through. “Both are dangerous; one is an uphill battle, you have an extra life to care for, someone who won’t be able to protect themselves, survive on their own, or help protect you. You have to feed them, keep them warm and cool, make sure they live, not to mention teach them how to survive…that path is full of hidden walkers and animals and dangerous people…
The second,” Carl continues, leaning back against the headboard of the bed. “While not uphill, there is a bridge, it’s old and made of rope and rotting wood. It holds, and you only have to get yourself across. It could keep you safe, you don’t have to strain yourself on the climb up the mountain, just cross this bridge. The other side is the same as it is now, with walkers and constant survival, with the same partner you have now. No new member that won’t be able to pull their weight, just how it always was. The bridge will hold-or it won’t. Every step, every shift of your weight, could cause it to crumble and break apart. You could get hurt, and fall to your death making the journey across…and I won’t be able to help you.” Carl finishes, voice soft as he pulls her closer. Sophia looks up at him, eyes red and face wet, shock and fear etched into her face. Carl didn’t want to scare her, to tell her she could die no matter what path she took, but Sophia wasn’t stupid. She knew the risk, likely more than he did. “I-won’t be able to help, no matter what path you take. I can’t save you if you get hurt from this. If you want to cross that bridge, we can, and I’ll be with you every step. If you want to climb that mountain, I will die before I let anything happen to you if I can help it.”
“Carl…”
“I’m not a doctor, I can’t help you if something goes wrong during the birth, or even during the abortion.” He takes her hand, kissing her palm and holding it to his cheek. “I know I can live with whatever option you need, or want. I can live with it, either way. I won’t blame you, or them, if something happens. I wouldn’t ever resent any decision you make and I promise you, I will support you and stand by you no matter what you choose.” He took a deep breath, “You-you just need to decide…what option you can for sure, live with happily…” Sophia’s composure shatters once more, and they spend the night together, just holding each other like if they let go, they’d disappear forever.
Two Caterpillars
Cocooned and waiting
Each in their own world
Anticipating
What happens after
The rearranging?
Carl fluffed the pillows before sliding them behind Sophia’s back, checking and double checking her little nest of blankets and pillows. Sophia sighed, a small smile on her round face as she watched him fret over her. She closed the book she had been reading, resting her hands on her ballooning stomach.
“Carl, I’m fine.”
He huffs, back turned to her as he dug through their supplies. Pulling out a canteen of water, he rushed back to her, setting it down beside her. “I know, m’just making sure.” He mutters, checking her over once more.
“The cramps aren’t even that close, I’m alright.” She soothes her husband, looking at him with a cocked brow as he finally meets her eyes, his cheeks flushed.
“Hey, don’t laugh at me!” Sophia shook with giggles, her eyes crinkling as she leaned back against her pillows with a tired sigh. Carl watched her with worry, looking for anything that would indicate a problem. He’d studied the books he found-what little he did find-and tried to find any medical books on birth. There was so little information, and he wished that he’d been older and a doctor when the world went to shit so he could have the knowledge, or at least time travel to learn it all and come back to help her. He’d boiled clean water this morning when Sophia stated she was feeling contractions and discomfort. He found and washed towels and cleaned a knife to cut the cord-or cut her open but god please don’t make him have to please don’t he couldn’t handle it-and he found diapers, bags and bags of it, baby clothes, both girl and boy colors as they really didn’t care and found some cute things in both sections, and adult diapers because Carl read a nightmarish book about women having to wear them so the stuff the baby needed inside could come out without too much mess.
Carl took a seat next to her, waiting for anything to happen. He was more scared than her most of the time, unsure of every step he was taking with this. He was sure he was doing something wrong, he’d make a decision which was risky, that something would happen and he’d have to choose. Sophia and Carl already promised each other, that since they were doing this, that the baby came first, and the other second. No matter what. Baby supplies were the most important, while they were second.
They also decided to stay in one place for a while, letting Sophia recover and get used to a baby. Carl had found a fenced in community that was small, very small. It seemed that people vacated it early on, as only a few walkers were there, having ventured in from the open gate. He cleared every house, let Sophia choose which one she wanted to give birth in, and they set up shop there. They made sure to check the perimeter and lock the gates and chain them shut. They didn’t feel safe, but just safer. The house they chose was still barricaded, and Carl went out to check the perimeter everyday, and to test the locks and markings on each house to make sure no one came to scavenge nor any walkers somehow got in. They’d been there a week and already a schedule was set up.
Despite Carl’s ever increasing anxiety, Sophia found herself excited most days. She was happy to not be pregnant, but to also have the baby in her arms after nine months of waiting. She wondered if all mothers got that way, both wanting the baby out, to just be able to tie their shoes again, but also to hold them and to see them finally.
“Ah!” Sophia gasped, hand snatching Carl’s chest, twisting his shirt and a few chest hairs making him hiss and yelp. “Ow ow!” She breathed, holding her stomach with the other hand.
Carl watched her, waiting for her to relax before moving. Freeing his chest, he eased her back, “That was a few seconds long…they’re starting to get stronger…”
“I really hope that it doesn't get worse.” She mumbled, head thrown back before she chuckled, “After this is over, you are on baby duty while I sleep it off.”
Carl snorted, “After I do a perimeter check to make sure none were attracted to the noise.” She nodded, before jokingly lifting a folded leather belt.
“Got my mussel.” Carl rolled his eyes. “Can you help me up? I’m uncomfortable.” She reached out to him and he helped her to stand, walking with her as she walked in circles around the room. They did that a few times before Sophia stopped, looking at him before blushing. “I think-I think I peed myself.”
Looking down, her pants were wet.
“No,” Carl shook his head, looking up at her with a smile. “I think your water broke Butterfly.” Sophia’s face flushed and Carl reassured her that everything would be fine, as he helped her undress and get down to her area to give birth. She leaned back against the pillows, legs spread and bent, ready to just push and relax.
Carl washed his hands before putting on a few gloves they swiped from a small doctor's office in town. “Okay, I-I’m gunna check okay?” Carl had no idea what he was truly checking for, but read that doctors had to check dilation, and that they did it by hand. Carl read Sophia wasn’t supposed to push until about 8 to 10 centimeters, which was like 3 to 4 inches. Carl didn’t want to hurt Sophia, so he actually had folded paper together and measured it out to accurately see how that size should feel. He was definitely not sticking his fingers in her cervix to judge by how many fingers he could fit in there. Nope. Gross.
It wasn’t long until Sophia was pushing, leather clutched between her teeth, sweat dripping down her forehead. Even with the community under lock and key, they needed to keep as quiet as possible. Carl kneeled down between her legs, holding them open and letting her push against him. He encouraged her, soft words and promises that she’d be okay, and to not give up. His eyes grew wider as he saw the head, stomach turning in excitement, he readied himself to catch the baby before it would fall and slide on the blanket under them.
With a final push, the baby came out, sliding easily into Carl’s arms. He looked down, seeing the baby’s skin was a weird color, more purple than red. He held them as they began to squirm, little cries piercing the air. Carl looked up to Sophia, who was breathing heavily and shared a smile with her. Cleaning the baby off with a wet rag, he saw the baby was a boy. Tears stung his eyes, blurring his vision as he gently placed the boy on Sophia’s chest. She wrapped her arms around him, smiling up at Carl, already crying herself. After helping her with the afterbirth, he gathered what towels and trash they used, and readied himself to take them out and check their fences. He came back over to Sophia, holding a green baby blanket with little blue and yellow caterpillars on it.
Carl swallowed, placing a kiss to her hair, “I’m gunna go check the perimeter, make sure nothing came by.” Sophia nods, eyes full of exhaustion, looking down at their nursing child. Carl nods, giving his son’s head a soft caress before leaving, sword at the ready.
And so afraid of change
In a world that never stops changing
So let the walls come down
The world will never stop changing
(Never stop changing)
(never stop changing)
(Never stop changing)
Carl and Sophia walked down the road, Carl carrying the heavier supplies, while Sophia walked with Orion strapped to her chest. Their car had broken down on the road, and the next town was only a mile out. They stopped when they reached a hill, hearing rustling in the trees. Carl’s heart stopped when Orion started to become fussy, only a month old and still breastfeeding, he was soon silenced by Sophia pulling her low cut shirt down and helping him latch. Carl watched the trees, waiting for danger.
“Carl,” Sophia spoke softly, her eyes ahead. Turning, his jaw fell open. A large group had emerged from the bushes about fifty yards away from them. Slowly, the two moved to the trees. Carl dropped their supplies, keeping look out as Sophia climbed a tree with Orion, slower than usual as he made sure he was still occupied by feeding. Carl soon climbed after her as she got high enough to not get grabbed. They settled as soon as six passed under them, the summer season hid them in a mess of green leaves. Carl held Sophia’s hand, listening as they kept watch. It was more dangerous and stressful, having to move with Orion still so small he wasn’t able to understand to keep quiet most days.
“They’re heading to the town.” Carl sighs, quietly agreeing with Sophia as he watches them turn to the right, right into that town they saw.
“We need a shelter for tonight.” He mutters, and she nods, looking grim. “We’ll head back to the car, and backtrack to a different road.”
They reached the car and slept there, Carl keeping vigil most of the night as Sophia slept. Orion was sleeping on the floor behind his seat, cocooned in blankets and makeshift padding to keep him safe. He woke up once, needing a change. Carl handled them all, letting Sophia sleep until he needed to breastfeed. Sophia hurt from it, but stated that while she still could, it was something she would do until she couldn’t anymore.
Sunrise came soon, as Carl slept for four hours, neck stiff and back aching, he peeked around the shirts pinned to the windows, not seeing anything on his side nor the others, he reached back and shook Sophia awake.
“Breakfast Butterfly,” He smirks, digging out a few granola bars and water, giving them to her while he ate his own. Sophia grumbled, not a morning person as she sat up and chewed with her eyes still closed. “We’ll get on the road soon, I can carry him for a bit if you want?”
She shook her head, “No, he can eat while we walk.”
Carl nodded, “It’s another hot one today.” Which meant they couldn’t use the fabric sheets soaked in walker blood to hide easily from the dead. Keeping Orion so hot wasn’t good, and even getting him near walker guts made Carl uncomfortable. What if he got sick? Could he get infected breathing it in while so young? It worried him, being a father. He wondered if this is what his own father felt like when waking up in the hospital to the end of the world. Everything was too dangerous, too risky, and the knowledge that no doctors could help for a rough cold or broken bone was always in the back of his mind. If Carl got hurt from the risky choices, who would be there for Sophia and Orion? If he didn’t take the risks to get the much needed supplies and to safety, then all three of them would surely die. It was a loose loose in his eyes.
The road was while they began their journey. It took hours to backtrack, with a diaper change in between and a feeding here and there, they soon came upon a few houses. Carl went to the first, Sophia behind him with her own blade drawn, a hand over Orion’s back. Carl opened the door and went in, closing it behind them. Carl whistled, calling attention to whatever was left in the house. A few rustles came from upstairs and Carl waited, nothing came from downstairs, so he gave Sophia a nod and stalked up the stairs. She remained behind.
He took out the two adults in their bedroom, and checked the others, all clear before he heard a crash from down stairs. Running down, he searched for Sophia, and saw her getting up in the kitchen, a dead child on the floor. He saw that the space under the sink was open, and that there was dried blood all over one side. The child’s body had a large chunk taken from the arm, and realized that the child was bitten and hid from their walker parent, and died from blood loss. And a while ago, from the looks of the decay. Fresh drops of blood caught his attention, and he followed the trail to Sophia, who had tears in her eyes, her pant legs darkening with blood as she bled from the small bite in her thigh.
Carl’s hands shook as he reached out for her, catching her as she fell to her knees, sobs shaking her as she held Orion close to her chest. He kissed her forehead before leaving, mind racing as he secured the downstairs and ripped open every cupboard big enough for a child and adult. No other walker was there, and he angrily threw the parents from the window upstairs before moving the child’s body through the downstairs window. He felt for the child that died alone and scared, but hated this family for ultimately destroying his.
Sophia was sitting on the couch, still crying as Orion started to fuss, hungry.
“I can’t…” She shook her head, “What if I give it to him?” Carl felt helpless before he kissed her again, holding her face in his hands.
“I’ll look for some.” He promises, “I’ll be back tonight, I promise, okay? Do you feel alright?”
She nods, “Numb, but fine.”
Carl licked his lips, hesitated before deciding to be honest. “You feel sick or weak, you hide him in a place you can’t reach or get to, but-but mark it so I know, okay?”
“Carl,” She stopped him from leaving with a hand to his arm. He looked down at her, “I-Please don’t let me just…be like that…you have to give me mercy.”
Carl’s throat tightens, but he nods. “I promise.” He whispers, before kissing her passionately, hugging her tightly, Orion whimpered in discomfort as he was between them. The two pulled away before Carl looked at her one last time; trying desperately to remember her as she was, and not thinking of what she would be.
Carl tore apart the other houses, moving smoothly as he killed the dead and searched for formulas. Not finding any, he started a car and backtracked, heading towards the last town they were in. Only a fifteen minute drive, he clearly remembered seeing formula there in a store that they ransacked. He sped down the road, eyes steadily releasing waterfalls of tears. But he didn’t cry, scream, or speak. Just let them fall. Stopping just outside of the building, he rushed inside, and towards the section he saw them. Piling them into his duffle bag, he realized he would need bottles. Just two, he thought, not willing to carry more than that. How much would a baby even need?
Hearing feet, he glanced to see a few stumbling towards him as he exited the building. Ignoring them, he slid into the car and sped off, back to Sophia. He made it back, seeing a few walkers scraping at the door and took them out before going around to the window he left from. He could hear Orion crying, and tried to be quiet, wondering if Sophia had turned yet. Would it take her days or hours? He found her trying to comfort their son, rocking him as he cried. She relaxed when she saw Carl, and he quickly got to making a bottle.
“Shit, I don’t…”
“Here,” Sophia smiled, handing Orion to Carl and taking the supplies, “I’ll show you, I read about it.” It doesn’t take her long before it’s ready and Carl tries to get Orion to accept it. “He might fight it…I read it can be a challenge for them to do so.”
Carl tries to temper his patience, and almost gives up when Orion grumbles before starting to suckle at it. A few seconds go by and the world is finally silent. The couple sigh in relief. Carl sits on the couch, Sophia moving beside him, and looks up at him.
“We should talk, while I’m…still me.”
Carl sighs, “Alright.”
“You remember our promise?” Carl nods, Sophia reaches over, and pulls her bag to his lap. “I made a journal of everything…in case this ever happened. When you were gone, I put down things that would be helpful. I also wrote them a letter, for when he’s older.” Carl hated the thought of Orion not growing old enough to even read it. He pushed those thoughts away. “I put some things…for both of you, that I wanted you to have.” She’d taken off her wedding ring, and placed it on the chain of her necklace, one he got for her a few years into their travels together. It was a locket, and reminded him of the one his mother had. It had been empty before they found an instant camera, and placed a photo of them on one side. When Orion was born, another was taken of the three of them and placed on the other side. “Take my weapons, the photos we have-everything. Keep them safe for him, okay?” Orion was finished with his milk, and Carl burped him before letting Sophia hold him once more.
Carl nods, “I will.” Carl started to pack up the bags. Orion cries again, just Sophia goes to speak again. His cry is sharp and painful, loud, and they quietly shush him when there is banging and scraping against the door, and they check the windows and find a small herd of them outside.
“Fuck.” Carl hisses, before thinking of the supplies he needed to take. He had their rations, canteen, and the baby supplies, and Sophia’s stuff would be mostly left. His heart ached as he started to pile the bags onto his person.
“Carl,” Sophia called to him, holding out Orion. “You need to take him.”
“We’ll just go to the car, and find somewhere else.” he argued, “I’ll carry the bags and you keep him safe.” He started to say they would move fast like that, out the window in the back when Sophia shook her head.
“No,” She sighed. “I can’t leave.”
Carl glared down at her, “I’m not leaving you here.”
“You will.” She argued firmly, eyes bright with the fire he loved so much. “I’ll go out the window first, and cover you as you carry him and the bags, then…we’ll split. I’ll distract them while you go to the car that you used. Does it still have fuel?” Carl nods once, unwilling to lie to her. “Good. You get the fuck out of here. Okay?”
“I can’t let you get torn apart, please Sophia, come with me. I’ll-I’ll take care of you, please.” Carl was crying now, but Sophia only helped strap the baby carrier on, and helped him get Orion in the front.
“Everything will be fine,” Sophia whispers as they leave the house from the back. They rounded the property, coming to the street, and to the place they would part. Sophia kissed Carl once more, before kissing Orion’s head. Carl stared at her, eyes wide as he watched his wife steal her composure, before turning away from him. She held a gun in one hand, and started yelling as she ran away from Carl and Orion, further down the street. The hoard followed her, stumbling eagerly after her. Her yelling stopped, and Carl shakily ran to the car, tossing the bags into the back before sliding into the driver's seat. Orion still strapped to his chest, he started the car, eyes on the herd moving further away. Carl flinched violently as a single gunshot sounded, and Orion whimpered, brown eyes filling with tears as he rested his head against Carl’s chest.
Carl sat frozen for a moment before a cry from Orion shook him, and he turned the car from the herd and drove off, the sun covered by clouds as it started to sprinkle rain.
“Oh, Butterflies
Don’t you hold on too tight
Both of you know
It’s your time to go
To fly apart, to reunite
Wonders surround you
Just let the walls come down
Don’t look behind you
Fly till you find
Your way toward tomorrow”
Carl softly sang to his son, lulling him to sleep in the cabin he held them up in. Somewhere in Virginia, Carl found this cabin in the sticks, sticking close to it as he saw little walkers, had a stream to get water from, and it was easily defendable. On the wall were tallies, totaling six months, but Carl felt six years older. Time moved so slow, yet fast. Orion was growing everyday, curious and happy, he enjoyed many things. His favorite toy was a spoon, Carl wasn’t sure why, but it kept him entertained while Carl was away getting supplies. Carl hated leaving Orion, but after the last time, when Orion started to cry and brought a group down on them, Carl felt it was better to board up a place to keep him and try to get as much as possible. It helped that Orion was eating baby food, and Carl could make some himself. He found some wild veggies in a garden at a farm house and took some. There were wild berries he found as well that he mushed up to give him. Orion was already rolling over himself, Carl read anything he could get his hands on, and refused to help Orion roll over, making him figure it out himself unless Carl specifically needed to move him for a reason. He liked Carl’s long hair, laughed when Carl wiggled his eyebrows, and was ecstatic when he saw himself in a mirror and figured out how to do it himself.
While Orion was enjoying his small world in the cabin, Carl felt like he was falling apart. He loved Orion, and would do anything and everything for him, and Carl often did. But most of the time, everything reminded him of Sophia. He hated eating peaches, skittles, and strawberries, he hated reading fantasy novels, hated singing but couldn’t help but sing to Orion, and hated the sight of butterflies. He shouldn’t, he knew that. He hated himself for getting sick at the sight of things Sophia enjoyed and cherished, and for forcing himself to ignore the emotions and memories that came with those things.
But he couldn’t help it. When he thought of her, all he heard was that one gunshot. Knowing that she killed herself and there was nothing left of her to bury gave him nightmares. He slept restlessly, but enough to function during the day. He clung to Orion, holding himself up only for him. If Carl had been alone, he’d probably have killed himself a long time ago. He’s never been without Sophia, not for almost twenty years.
“Dah!” Carl looked up to see Orion looking at him from his spot on the couch, held up by the cushions. “Da!” Orion laughed, a familiar smile on his little face, dimples in his cheeks.
Carl tears up, seeing Sophia in that face. “Hey caterpillar.” Carl leans over, kissing his son’s face, inciting happy squeals, his facial hair tickling the soft baby cheeks. He pulled his child close, cradling him in his arms. Orion tossed and fought sleep, but soon was lulled into a nap as Carl rubbed his back and hummed a song to him.
Oh, Butterflies
Don’t you hold on too tight
Both of you know
It’s your time to go
To fly apart, to reunite
Wonders surround you
Just let the walls come down
Don’t look behind you
Fly till you find
Your way toward tomorrow
Carl stood up from his chair at the table, hair brushed back from his face as he placed his hat on. He was more muscular now, filling out in the chest like how he remembered his father. He knew he was a mix of his parents, his resemblance to his father stronger now that he grew his facial hair in, and maybe it was the constant narrowed eye he kept that did it too. Looking up into a square mirror, Carl looked at his left eye, seeing the gaping empty socket where his eye should be. He’d been on a run, in a worn down building when coming outside, he’d been covered in walker guts and walking by a few walkers when he heard guns. He’d turned his head to look, when pain exploded in his face. It was when Orion was thirteen months old, and he’d been knocked out for a day, he didn’t care about his injury when he came to. Only saw it was nighttime, and that he was being laid down by some walkers. Carl knew that if he hadn't looked, it would have hit his temple, killing him. Whoever it was, had been a good shot. Carl was lucky he’d leaned back, so the bullet hit his eye, but instead of being angled so it went back into his skull, his head was tilted so it came out just at the side of his eye socket. Just a hair from his left temple. Orion had been tired, scared, and hungry when he got back, and actually hid from him until he got his wound covered. It took the kid a bit to get used to his new look, not recognizing him right away, only by his voice did Orion actually relax.
Carl kissed his son as he placed him in his room. Orion was two, a small child but it was mostly from an inconsistent diet than genetics. His brown hair was soft and slightly curled, like how Carl remembered his father’s got when it was longer. His round eyes a glowing amber, a startling reflection of Sophia’s. Orion was a peculiar kid; with an intense obsession with dinosaurs, Carl found it a challenge to get him to wear literally anything that didn’t have a dinosaur on it. Orion was a sweet kid, smart too, but that might be because Carl made games that were actually teaching him something instead of just stupid peekaboo and baby talk nonsense. Carl sometimes felt he was pushing things, but Orion learned fast, and lessons usually stuck with him very well.
“Alright, I’ll be back soon okay?” Carl kneeled down to give his boy a kiss, “Stay inside, be good, and finish your puzzle okay? Daddy left you snacks to eat, and water here.”
“Daddy no!” Recently, he’s been a bit clingy, always wanting to be held and would cry for a bit after Carl left him in the room, teething wasn’t fun, and Carl knew that. Carl always stayed to make sure he didn’t cry too long, but ultimately needed to leave for supplies. Carl hated leaving his son, but couldn’t take him with him on runs.
Orion was running now, and more curious than a puppy with no danger sense. Carl couldn’t take his attention away from his kid, which meant he couldn’t keep a lookout for walkers and supplies if Orion was there. His kid was also a chatterbox, something Carl was cursing Sophia for, because she hated silence on the best of days.
Carl made it down the path he took and jumped into his car, the tank still full from the last time he did a run. Heading to a town north east of their cabin, Carl parked a bit ways away before getting out. He readied his blade and checked the houses, always bringing the supplies and bags he filled to the car before continuing on. He lucked out with formula, some cloth diapers, and nearly cried in joy when he saw the supermarket had potty training equipment. Carl, covered in a cloak of walker guts, didn’t worry about the dead, already passing a few stumbling down the road had just finished loading his car and checked everything over. He mostly needed stuff for Orion, food and water were most important, but other things to help his kid. The sooner he started using the toilet the faster Carl didn’t have to look for diapers and pull-ups.
Nodding to himself, he got in and drove off, eager to get back to the cabin.
Driving up the lane, he parked close to the door. He saw a few walkers scraping at the door and sighed, knowing Orion probably started to cry again, or maybe do something to attract too much attention.
The walkers turned from the door and towards him, Carl stepped out, easily slicing through their heads. Walking the perimeter, he made sure there were no more walkers before climbing through the window and unlocking the door from the inside. He didn’t bother to check on Orion just yet, able to hear him rustling around in the bedroom. Quickly bringing the supplies inside, Carl shut the door, locked the deadbolt and latched the top and bottom locks.
“Daddy! Daddy!” Orion knocked on the door, making Carl chuckle.
“Coming buddy,” Carl unlocked the door and caught his son just as the kid jumped into his arms. “Ugh! You got bigger! Did you eat your snacks?”
“Yeah,” Orion chirps, giggling as Carl carried him around the house, listening to the boy chatter about his morning alone while putting away supplies. “An Mo’sters came.”
“I’m sorry Caterpillar,” Carl kissed the boy's cheek, seeing the kid was a bit afraid of them. “I got the monsters to leave though, so no worries right now.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah baby.” Carl went to turn into the bedroom, but froze when there was a knock on the door. He held Orion, who looked curiously at him and the door.
“Who here?” Orion whispered, curling into Carl’s chest to hide.
“Be quiet okay? Just like I taught you.” Carl held his boy close, taking out his sword. He waited, wondering who it was. Was it a walker? It wouldn’t be the first time they knocked against the door eerily like a person.
“Hello?” Carl gripped the handle tighter at the sound of someone’s voice. “Hello? Excuse me, my name is Aaron, and we’d like to talk to you about something.” Carl didn’t answer, quietly moving to get his emergency bags. He always planned for the worst. This was it, humans. Worst fucking things to ever be on the planet. He’d rather deal with a hoard of walkers. “Please! We come from a community, it’s got walls and plenty of space, we’re always looking for more people.”
Carl scoffed to himself, getting Orion down to quickly put socks and shoes on him. A light jacket was all he placed over his torso, a little extra protection. Carl reached for the bags to get them out the back window when he heard the man speak again.
“You have a child, think of how safe he could be inside walls that could withstand a hoard of walkers.” Carl’s blood boiled. They knew he had a son. He never let Orion out of the cabin, not without him. The last time had been two days ago, when he let him explore the front lawn area, letting him pick some wild flowers and teach him some colors. The windows were covered in the bedroom… They’d been watching Carl for days. Which meant they knew every part of this cabin too. His exit and entry ways.
Setting the bags down, understanding if these people wanted to hurt him, they’d be able to anyways. Unwilling to run and risk the shelter they did have, Carl turned towards the door, eyeing the window he used to get into the cabin as well.
“What do you want?”
“Just to talk.”
Carl scoffed, “Who is we?”
“Just myself and my partner, Daryl.” Aaron replied, he said that was his name, right? Carl thought for a second, “We can remain out here, if that is fine.” And let someone sneak in from the back? Take his kid hostage so they can ransom for their supplies? No.
“I’ll open the door, but you stay out there, where I can see you, and I stay in here.”
“That’s fair,” Aaron agreed, and Carl peeked out the window and saw two men moving to the front lawn, in front of the doorway, but far enough Carl didn’t feel threatened. One man, scruffy with dark messy hair and a leather vest held a crossbow. The other was just a clean man that didn’t look like a hunter. Carl narrowed his eyes at the crossbow. Flickers of memories flashing in his mind like a candle flame. Daryl…
Carl moved Orion to the side of the door, where he could see him and keep him out of sight of the two men. “Stay here, okay? Do not move.” Orion nodded, little finger coming to his lips in a mimed ‘shush’ and Carl couldn’t help but smile. “Here, keep Spike with you, he’ll keep you safe.” Carl handed Orion his precious green dinosaur plushie, the character Spike from Land Before Time. Orion never saw the movies, but liked the dinosaur anyway. Carl told him Spike kept bad dreams away.
Unlocking the door, he slowly pushed it open, ready for an attack from the sides. Nothing. He watched the two men, eye scanning his surroundings before settling on the two. Just them. More could be in the trees, or around the house.
“Hello,” Aaron’s voice came from the clean shaven guy, who gave a very nice smile. It was pretty, too pretty almost. Daryl, the other one, just stood there. “I’m glad you decided to speak with us. I left you a bag of stuff, to prove to you the existence of our community, and some supplies as well, so show goodwill.”
Carl slowly stepped out, and watched them the whole time he bent to pick up the bag. He didn’t want to take his eyes off them, but decided to open the bag and see what was inside. Instant photos, kept together with a rubber band, were first. They showed people, smiling and interacting. Walls, fences, supply stores, and everything. Carl went to put them away before he paused, looking more closely at a photo. A man stood there, furrowed brow, curly hair, and a thick beard. He was broad, carrying a belt with a gun and a machete. It wasn’t really anything about his looks, but his stance. Carl knew that stance. He looked up at Daryl, and really looked. With his bare arms and crossbow, the only real difference was the hair. Everything else was the same. Carl felt stupid, because of course his father was alive. For a moment, he regretted ever stopping the search for them…a creak from inside brought him back. If he did, he’d never had Orion. If he did, maybe Sophia and him wouldn’t have had the bond they had.
He shoved the photos in the bag and took out a jar of mashed applesauce. But not manufactured, homemade. He saw a batter bottle, seal unbroken. He squeezed it, seeing if there was a puncture from a needle anywhere. Nothing. No leaks.
He looked at the two, who watched him quietly.
“What do you want?”
“We, Daryl and I, scout for people like you, who we think would fit in well with our community. We watch them, learn a bit from a distance, and decide whether to approach or not. We saw you and then saw you had a child. If the boy is yours or not by blood it doesn't matter to us, what matters is that you spend all your hours carrying him and keeping him safe.” Aaron gives another pretty smile, “That’s the type of people our community welcomes, and we both think you would benefit from it as well.”
Carl glares, “I think I’m doing fine on my own, thanks.” Carl drops the bag, keeping the photo of his father in hand. “Ain’t a charity case.”
“We don’t see you like that,” Aaron backtracked, hands up. He glanced at Daryl, who watched Carl like a hawk. “Promise, we are a peaceful community and only seek to help. You can come and check it out, and you are more than welcome to leave at any time.”
Carl rolled his jaw, one that matched the man in the photo. He never realized how much he looked like his father. Sophia always told him, but he never really believed her. He’d forgotten most of his father’s features by now. “Who’s your leader?”
“A man, a good man, named Rick. He’s been with us for a few years.” Carl cocked a brow, but didn’t reply.
“Daddy?” A small voice came from behind him, and Carl didn’t look. “Safe?”
Movement caught his attention, and to Daryl’s right, he saw a small yellow butterfly dance across the ground. He could feel Sophia, how she’d be eager to take the chance, to perhaps see her mom, to see the others. He remembered how she dreamed of finding a safe place for them, with halls high and plenty of food. Carl looked at the men, before taking a deep breath. “Yeah Caterpillar, it’s safe.” If it wasn’t, and his father was the type to steal from and prey on single parents with infant children, then he’d die trying to kill him.
Oh, Butterflies
Don’t you hold on too tight
Both of you know it’s your time to go
To fly apart, to reunite
Wonders surround you
Just let the walls come down
Don’t look behind you
Fly till you find
Your way toward tomorrow
“What happened?” Daryl asks once they were situated in the cabin, door locked and safely back inside. Aaron and Daryl were told to sit wherever, and Orion was holding Spike, shyly looking at the strangers from behind Carl’s legs. Daryl looked at Orion before settling back on Carl. Aaron still looked shocked that Carl was the Carl, the son Rick lost early on.
“Sophia and I hid in the little hollowed out tree in the creek, and waited. We didn’t hear anything for a while, so we left. Dad said to wait, and if he didn’t come back to keep the sun on our left.” Carl explained, voice bland and detached. He hated thinking of Sophia. “Sun got low enough that I couldn’t tell where it was before it was too dark to see. We climbed a tree, slept there, climbed down and continued.” Carl scoffs, “Wasn’t till a few months later that I realized that while dad told me to keep it on my left in the afternoon, it’d put us off course if I kept it on the left in the morning. We made it to a highway, eventually, but every traffic jam looked the same. And we searched a few, before Sophia almost got bit and I told her we weren’t looking anymore. It was more dangerous being near them than it was in the woods.” Carl shook his head, picking Orion up and placing the boy in his lap. Orion reached for the necklace Carl wore, Sophia’s locket and ring were his favorite things to look at when in his father’s lap. “We just kept walking. North mostly. We fell in love, got married, she got pregnant, had Orion, and now it’s just us.”
“Mama’s bu’flies.” Orion smiles, tiny fingers tracing the blue butterflies on the ring.
“Yeah baby,” Carl agrees, voice low as he looks up at Daryl. “Is Carol alive?”
Daryl nods, “Yeah,” the gruff answer did nothing to soothe Carl’s guilt. Sophia missed her mother dearly, and Carol probably did too. “Was it child birth?”
“Nah,” Carl shook his head. “She handled that like a beast.” He looked down, throat closing. “Walker bite. Orion was a month old.”
“Shit kid.”
“Dad’s alive…who else?”
“Glenn, your dad, and Carol are the only ones from the quarry that are still alive…your mom, uh, after you guys were lost we found a farm and stayed there. While looking in the woods, we split up. Your mom got shot accidentally by this hunter, in the arm, she was fine but patched up by this vet, Herschel. His farm, and we stayed there while your mom recovered. She found out she was pregnant, and when the farm was overrun, we all left. Lived on the road for a while, before taking a prison. T-dog died there, a few others were lost on the farm before. Andrea, Dale, and Shane, along with some others from Herschel’s family. Your mom died in childbirth, she couldn’t have it naturally…and told Maggie, Herschel’s daughter, to cut her out.”
“Her?” Carl asks, voice cracking.
“Ya got a baby sister, named her Judith.” Carl smiles, nodding his head. At least his dad wasn’t alone…
“Lost the prison, lost Herschel, and gained a few others. Lost some on the road. We traveled for about a year before finding Alexandria, the community we’re in now. Rick took leadership, and earned the trust of the community when handling this guy Negan, it was a war but they’re gone now…it’s safe. Built trade with other communities and stuff.”
Carl nods, looking around his cabin. He wasn’t sure, if after all this time alone, isolated to the extreme with Sophia, and then practically by himself with Orion, that he could be part of a community. “And I can leave, if I go?”
“Yeah,” Daryl nods, lips twitching. “Doubt Rick will let ya, but you can definitely try.”
Carl shakes his head, “I’d like to bring my stuff…let me pack up some stuff.”
“We can help,” Aaron smiles, and Carl finds he likes him. Guy’s a little too nice, but whatever. Packing his shit, Carl only brings things he’s sure to need. Mostly stuff for Orion, but he makes sure to bring everything Sophia's. Especially her journal. He wanted to give some to Carol-Sophia wrote messages to her mom to pass time often.
While in the car, Carl found himself amused at how excited Orion was to just see the outside world. He felt his heart ache at how isolated he kept his kid, but survival over luxury, he guessed. Following Daryl and Aaron, he drove a few hours north, before coming to large walls and a gate.
‘Welcome to the Alexandria Safe Zone’ was written in large letters, and below, ‘Mercy for the lost, vengeance for the plunderers’. Carl smirks, practically hearing Sophia make a joke about them using the word ‘plunderers’. He was let in, following Daryl before stopping the car and feeling exposed. He got out, telling Orion to stay there, before looking around. He saw an asian man and a brunette woman, speaking with someone, a small boy standing between them, young but older than Orion for sure. Before them, was a tall man, curly hair and a white beard. Gun holstered to his belt and a machete with a red handle. Glenn. Carl’s memories supplied, remembering the man from the quarry. He’s grown older, but still recognizable.
Glenn sees him first, his distraction from the conversation causes the woman and the man-his father-to turn to them. His father looks to Daryl first, before his eyes settle on Carl. Carl watches him, sees the confusion, before acceptance, but then confusion again. Carl walks from the car, meeting Rick half way before the man realizes who he’s looking at.
Carl knows he looks different, with one eye, longer hair, facial hair, but he’s still himself. Rick looks shocked, broken almost, eyes wide as his mouth falls open. A shaky breath was audible from five feet away.
“C-carl?” The man touches him, gently, like he’d crumble to dust. Carl pulls him into a hug and feels weightless for a moment. His dad is crying, shaking, face in his shoulder before he feels the man kiss his head.
Carl grins, “Hey dad.”
“Y-you’re alive.”
Before Carl can answer, Orion crawls out, “Daddy!”
“Carl-what…” Rick pulls away and Carl can’t help but laugh, turning to Orion, he waves him over. The toddler runs over, and Carl picks him up. Rick is staring at the boy, looking back and forth, not quite breathing.
“Orion, this is grandpa.”
“What?”
“Hi grandpa!” Carl turns back to Rick, seeing the man was about to faint, and thinks maybe he should have waited to introduce the grandpa bit. “Uh oh.” Orion commented, watching Rick’s eyes roll back and the man crumble like a sack of potatoes. “Oops!”
Carl laughed, looking down at his dad. “Yeah oops.”