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Nelson huffed, a distant and toothy smile growing like the bloody thorns of a rose on his face, "None of you know what it's like to lose the love of your life."

"Autumn?"  There goes Matt, taking a pixel for the bigger image.  He tried to put a sneer in the name, act tough.  Maybe it convinced the camera, but they didn't see how frozen his feet were.

Nelson snickered, "She sure was fond of me.  Must have been more obvious than I thought given the lot of you noticed."  With a breathy sigh, his head fell forward, and his brown hair, though close cut, fell with it.  When he looked back up, a familiar spacey sheen had clouded the emerald green of his eyes.  "They were very similar.  Maybe that's why I kept her around.  So devoted.  So happy... An optimist where I was a cynic."

Around Ben, the group was stunned.  Made sense, he figured.  They'd never seen him anything but angry.  Vengeful.  Ben very well might be the only person alive who found this resigned sadness commonplace. 

"Be glad you've never lost your love-" a manic grin contorted Nelson’s face in a lightning flash- "Or else you'd go mad, too."  But it was hollow and diminished before the last word even left his mouth.  Perhaps it was a Pavlovian response, but Ben felt the cold wash of grief whisper in his head like an old ghost.  "And don't you dare try and tell me this isn't what she would have wanted because you don't even know her name, much less her dreams."  He snarled at them.  His eyes caught on Ben, the only hole in his statement, before dropping to the floor.  

"What was her name?"  Bailey asked, so brave, so gentle.

"Why do you deserve to know," he growled softly.  She didn't try to answer.  The rest continued to flounder in the face of his despair.

Finally, Matt got his wits about him, "So, what, you're doing this all for her?  What's the point, man."

-

A faint smile bloomed on Nelson's face.  He swept aside the question and made eye contact with Ben, instead, "Hiding things, Benjamin."  If he was looking for a reaction, he didn't get one.  Sighing, he returned to Matt, "Isn't it obvious?"  He waved a hand down his body, his own body, alive with a beating heart and flowing consciousness.  "If I can do this, then I can fix it.  I can fix what I should have never let happen."

"Nelson, it wasn't your fault."  Each head of the group swung to stare at Benjamin, "You weren't even there that day."

Nelson's mouth pinched into a thin line as he glared at him, "I should have been.  I was the CEO of that God-forsaken company, I should have been there to stop her."

"You were doing your job," Ben couldn't keep the incredulity out of his voice, a fact that only deepened the surprise of the crew, "You were promoting that 'God-forsaken company' across town.  You couldn't have done anything even if you'd known.  But, Nelson-" he paused to make sure his old boss heard him, "You didn't."

.

..

…

His boss stayed quiet for a while and the moment he opened his mouth, Ben cut off the agreement he knew was coming, "No one knew.  And I know- I know you've tried to blame every single person who ever worked with her. Me, Wesley, Deborah, everyone, but no one knew.  And even if we did, why would we try to use her to hurt you, why would we want to- Nelson, we loved you!  Why else could Deb never bring up her grievances with you?  Why did Wes turn a blind eye as your grief turned sour? And why would I have followed you to the depths of Hell?"  Without realizing, he'd stepped closer to his boss.  The others' gazes bore into his back, but everything in him was far too focused on the crumbling man before him.  The fluorescent orange light above them glimmered off unshed tears in both of their eyes.

Nelson's throat bobbed, "She was holding my handkerchief when she died.  My name was her last word."

-

Ben nodded, his own grief wrapping like a snake around his lungs.  "Because she loved you.  Not because she blamed you."  A whine clawed through Nelson's throat, audible only thanks to the utter silence around them.  "It was an accident.  And I know, I know you hate that 'cause it makes it sound like her death was meaningless, and I know all you've ever done after was try and make sure that wasn't true.  Pushing all of her old projects to priority, forcing people to work overtime so they could try everything again and again and again, but none of it will make her come back."

Nelson's head hung low, and Ben stood less than a foot away from him.   Nelson whispered, "But I came back."

"Have you heard her voice in your head?  Or was it just your grief."

Nelson wobbled, tremors running rampant through his body.  Ben watched as a tear fell to the floor.  "Why do you even care anymore?  Can't you just hate me?"

Ben grabbed the side of his face, forcing Nelson to look into his eyes, "Because even a mad man deserves to know his true love's death wasn't his fault."