Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sungho stood on the sidewalk with his head down, holding very still as he tried to pretend he wasn't hyper-aware of each passing body. He didn't like being touched. Even accidental brushes in a crowd made him flinch. He'd hoped there would be fewer people out at this time of night. Maybe there were, but it was still too many. His fingers tightened around the handles of the shopping bag. He was half done with this awful excursion. Soon he'd be home, and next time he ordered milk he'd order twice as much as he thought he'd need so that he wouldn't ever have to do this again.

A car stopped a couple meters off. Sungho checked the ride-share app on his phone to confirm the description and license plate before approaching it. The passenger window rolled down, but Sungho kept his gaze lowered.

"Jung Sungho?" The man inside asked.

Sungho nodded before realizing the driver might not be able to see him from this angle. "Yes. I'm..."

There was a pause, and then the guy said, "Well? Are you getting in or not?"

"Y-yes. Sorry..." Sungho slipped into the back seat and closed the door. As the car started driving, Sungho could feel the driver shooting glances at him in the mirror. He shifted uncomfortably, pretending he was just trying to get his long legs situated in the small space. People doing double-takes at the scar twisting up and across his cheek wasn't unusual. This man seemed to be using Sungho's lack of eye-contact as an opportunity to really stare at him. Maybe he didn't think Sungho had noticed. Maybe he knew and didn't care. Sungho just wanted to be home...

The driver snorted. "Are you really going to sit there and pretend you don't recognize me?"

Sungho's eyes flicked up for the first time. "I'm... sorry?" He couldn't see much beyond the man's eyes in the rear-view mirror. They were dark and sharp, but not particularly familiar. Though Sungho could only catch glimpses of them as streetlights flashed past.

"Wow. You used to have such a good memory. I'm a little hurt."

Sungho's brow tightened. The app had said his driver would be Gi Jaesang. Sungho was certain he didn't know anyone name Gi Jaesang. It wasn't like he knew a lot of people. Maybe the driver was confused? Sungho thought his scar was pretty distinctive, but if the driver thought Sungho was somebody he hadn't seen in a long time, maybe...

"We ate lunch together all the time! Hell, you used to feed me your lunch."

Sungho's eyes widened. "Kim... Dohyun?"

"Hey! You do remember."

"But... but the app..."

"Oh, that." Dohyun waved a gloved hand dismissively. "Yeah, mister Gi had something come up."

Sungho felt sick. The car suddenly felt very small and stuffy, and he wasn't sure he was getting enough air.

"What have you been up to? You kind of disappeared after you dropped out."

He sounded so casual, almost cheery, like he was catching up with a friend he hadn't seen in ages. Sungho supposed they had been friends at one time, and maybe he hadn't been completely straightforward with Dohyun about how he'd felt toward the end of their... relationship, but... The last time they'd seen each other, Sungho had been sobbing as two cops walked him out of the school, and Dohyun was talking like they'd just gotten busy and fallen out of contact.

He didn't feel good. He didn't feel good at all. For lack of any blankets or pillows to hug and hide his face, he pulled the milk carton into his lap instead. It was cold and hard, and condensation had dampened the bag, but he needed to hold it together. Just... hold it together until he got home. It wasn't that far. Besides, what did he think Dohyun was going to do? Pull the car into an alley and climb into the back seat with him?

Sungho gripped the carton tighter and took the quietest deep breath he could.

"Are you still mad at me?" Frustration had crept into Dohyun's voice. "I know we had some disagreements toward the end, but it's hardly fair for you to be mad at me when you're the one that disappeared."

Sungho remained silent. Dohyun was the one who'd reduced him to a sex toy, only seeing him when he wanted to use him. He'd given Dohyun a lot more chances to stay friends than he should have, hoping the friendly, funny, charming boy he'd been drawn to in the first place would come back. All through the callous abuse of his generosity and loneliness, he'd hoped that it was just some misunderstanding, or phase, but he knew better now. Knowing better didn't stop old wounds from hurting, though.

"I tried to come see you," Dohyun said, almost sadly. "When you never came back to school and stopped answering my texts, I went to your house. Your parents wouldn't let me in. They said if I came around again, they'd call the police." He shot Sungho a look in the mirror. "I had a present for you and everything."

Sungho remembered that. Curled up in a ball under his covers with half of his face bandaged, he'd heard the whole exchange. He'd still been struggling to wrap his head around the idea of Dohyun being the rapist that his parents had said he was. Rapists were middle aged men that dragged little boys into vans. Dohyun had been a teenage boy in Sungho's class, liked by most of the boys and some of the girls. Dohyun had dangled the platonic attention Sungho had craved behind a wall of sex, but had that made Dohyun a rapist? Sungho had technically chosen to have sex with Dohyun in exchange for friendship, even if Sungho hadn't really wanted sex. Then again, if Dohyun hadn't demanded so much of Sungho's time in the beginning, Sungho wouldn't have lost all of his other avenues for friendship. Had it really been a choice if Dohyun had made himself the only person in Sungho's life?

That was called isolation. Abusers did that.

In the end, everything had been so painful and confusing that Sungho had decided he wanted to drop the whole thing and forget as much of it as he could. His parents had rallied around him more than they ever had before. Maybe they'd felt partially responsible, for leaving him to his own devices so often without asking questions. Sungho had still never been quite the same.

"Pushing you away might have been the biggest mistake I ever made. I regret it. I really regret it."

What was he doing? Trying to apologize? God, could anyone apologize for something like what Dohyun had done? Well, again, Sungho had never been completely honest with Dohyun. Maybe Dohyun did regret hurting him, and just didn't know... how deeply... Holding grudges was a bad thing. Good people were forgiving. But Sungho had not been prepared for this encounter, not even remotely prepared to forgive Dohyun, and...

"Would you say something?" Dohyun snapped.

Sungho flinched.

"At least acknowledge that you're listening. This isn't easy for me, you know."

Sungho licked his dry lips, and then mumbled, "I... haven't been up to much of anything..."

Dohyun's brow furrowed as he shot another look at Sungho's reflection. Then he chuckled and shook his head. "You must have a job or something."

"Not really..." He'd been figuring out how to sell plant clippings on the internet, and he supposed he was starting to get the hang of it, but it hadn't been enough to get him off of the savings from selling the house so far. He knew he needed to do something eventually, but he'd only gotten worse at interacting with people after his parents had died. Having his entire support system ripped away so abruptly and tragically had felt like some kind of final nail in a coffin.

Why was he thinking about this right now? Why was Dohyun digging around in old wounds? Was he almost home?

Oh, god, was Dohyun going to know where he lived? Did he want Dohyun knowing where he lived?

His head jerked as he searched his surroundings for a clue about how close they were. It was dark and he was starting to panic, so it was hard to recognize any landmarks. Everything looked wrong.

"Are you okay?" Dohyun asked.

"I... just need some... air..." Sungho fumbled for the button to lower the window. He pressed it. Both sides, multiple times. Nothing happened.

"Mister Gi's car is kind of shitty. I don't think the windows work," Dohyun said.

"Are you sure? Maybe the lock...?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

Sungho's eyes flicked between the back of Dohyun's head and the panel of buttons near his elbow. "Could you check? I really need..."

Sighing, Dohyun moved his hand from the wheel to the buttons. It stayed there for a few moments before returning. Dohyun shrugged. "Sorry."

"Can we pull over for a second? I-"

"There's not really a good place to pull over. You'll have to wait."

No. No, no, no, he needed to get out. He couldn't be trapped. He needed... The buttons had to work. They just had to. Barely realizing he was doing it, he reached for the crack between the front seat and the door.

"Sungho!"

Dohyun's voice was so loud and sharp that Sungho froze immediately, the frantic panic replaced by something much more paralyzing. Dohyun pulled something from under his jacket and held it up between the seats, where Sungho could see the silhouette.

A gun.

A gun?! Why did Dohyun have a...

"We've both changed a lot. As much as I like you, I take a lot less shit from a lot fewer assholes these days. Take some deep breaths or whatever it is you have to do, but you'd better sit back and chill out. I don't want things to get messy."

He had a gun and... Had Sungho told him the address? He hadn't. But they were going somewhere. Where were they going? He didn't recognize anything.

"And acknowledge me when I talk to you!"

Sungho flinched harder. "O-okay," he forced out, voice meek and unsteady. "Sorry..."

When Dohyun spoke again, Sungho could hear his smile. "In some ways, you're still as cute as I remember. Unbelievable."

The gun lowered, but Dohyun kept it out and near-hand. Sungho didn't think about attempting to grab it for long. He wasn't even sure how to handle a gun. His mental state had dubbed him unfit to handle one, so he'd never learned how. In the end, all he could do was helplessly watch the scenery scroll past as he fought the persistently simmering panic. At least Dohyun stopped trying to talk to him.

Chapter Text

Dohyun drove out of the city. Sungho kept track of where they were going as best he could, but he had no idea how he would get back without a car at this point. When they finally stopped, they were in a large, empty parking lot. The only nearby cover was a cinder block building, and Sungho doubted he could get around behind it before Dohyun got a shot off.

Dohyun took the gun as he exited the car. Sungho thought about locking the doors and calling emergency services, but he'd be a fish in a barrel until they arrived, if they could even figure out where he was, if it even delayed Dohyun long enough for Sungho to get his phone out and finish dialing. When Dohyun opened his door and told him to get out, he could only tighten his arms around the milk carton and comply. Dohyun stayed behind him as they crunched across the crumbling blacktop. The place looked abandoned. Screaming wouldn't help. But it was also hard to think of escape plans when Sungho had to concentrate so hard on keeping the anxiety down. Dohyun had a gun.

"Don't move." Dohyun kept an eye on Sungho as he fumbled a padlock off the door with one hand. Sungho kept his eyes on the gun.

The interior of the building was perfectly dark. No windows.

"Go in," Dohyun said.

Sungho hesitated. What was in there? Was Dohyun going to lock the door behind him?

"Go!"

Sungho took a few unsteady steps forward. The darkness wrapped around him. Maybe he could run and hide in it, but he might as easily trip and fall after a couple meters. He couldn't see anything.

Light suddenly flooded the room. Sungho ducked his head and squeezed his eyes shut. As he squinted and blinked against the harshness of it, he heard the heavy door slam shut behind him. Peeking over his shoulder, he watched Dohyun fasten the door shut. Sungho remained still as Dohyun turned, leaned against the door, and eyed him up and down. Aside from the height difference caused by Sungho's growth spurt, Dohyun didn't seem to have changed a lot. The black suit and tie presented a much neater and more put together appearance than the apathetic, carefree Dohyun he'd become friends with, but everything else was just... slightly taller, slightly broader, slightly sharper Dohyun.

Well... the suit... and the gun...

The gun hung at Dohyun's side, aimed at the floor. Why were they here? Was Dohyun going to... Dohyun wouldn't kill him, would he? Why? Dohyun had flouted rules at school, smoked, drank, maybe shoplifted and trespassed, but he'd never been a violent criminal. Right?

A faintly amused smiled appeared on Dohyun's face. "You stretched out a lot."

Sungho didn't answer, didn't turn farther toward him, didn't turn farther away. He was frozen, waiting for something to happen.

Dohyun cocked his head. "What happened to your face?"

"... I fell." Fell trying to hang himself because couldn't stand being in his disgusting body anymore, wanted to take his shameful secrets to the grave, couldn't reconcile the guilt of betraying Dohyun with the idea that Dohyun should be punished for what he'd done, but Dohyun didn't need to know that.

Dohyun's eyes moved to the bag in Sungho's arms. "You can go put that down."

It sounded like a suggestion, but it might have been an order. Sungho felt like he would fall apart and drift away if he put the carton down, but if he kept doing things that made Dohyun snap at him, Dohyun might get really mad. Dohyun had always had a temper and Sungho didn't want to push it.

Looking ahead for the first time, he spotted a bed, a table with two chairs, a mini-fridge, a shelf stocked with various supplies, and a couch with an end table. They did little to fill the otherwise vast, empty space. Did Dohyun live here somehow? That didn't make much sense, but he didn't want to think about what else the setup might mean. The table was closest, so he put the shopping bag there, and tried not to think about the pillar with the chain wrapped around the base. He heard Dohyun follow him, but he was still surprised by Dohyun's proximity when he turned around.

"This is too weird," Dohyun seemed to decide. "Kneel down."

Sungho didn't like the soft fondness of Dohyun's expression. However, he didn't like the gun in Dohyun's hand any more than he liked the look on his face. He lowered himself to his knees, keeping his eyes on Dohyun's feet so that he wouldn't have to stare at Dohyun's crotch. He didn't like this. A leather-gloved knuckle dragged along his scar and lifted his chin and he really, really didn't like it.

"The longer hair suits you."

The fingers raking through his hair felt disgustingly good. Sungho shuddered.

Dohyun smiled, leaning forward. "So cute."

So cute...

So cute...

Sungho's chest tightened as his vision grayed at the edges. When Dohyun pressed their lips together, he couldn't level himself anymore. His hands shot up and shoved Dohyun as hard as he could. Then he scrambled for the door. He threw his body against it. Threw his body against it again. Yanked at the handle, and then threw his body against it a third time. It wasn't moving. Why wasn't it moving? He needed to make it-

There was a bang, and one of his legs collapsed under him. He ignored it, staring up at the padlock. It was a bright spot in his vision. He wrapped a fist around it and pulled.

"...dammit, goddammit!"

The lock gleaming on the dark door became Dohyun silhouetted against the bright ceiling.

"...told... messy..."

Sungho's chest heaved as he tried to make sense of the words. Dohyun's face looked upset. Then Dohyun was behind him, and there was pressure around his chest, and the door was getting farther away. Sungho squirmed and reached for it, desperately fighting the force dragging him backwards. Then he was forced on his chest and something dug hard into the base of his spine as his arms were forced behind him. As soon as the weight lifted, he rolled over and sat up, ready to make another charge at the door. The red streaking the floor caught his attention. An intermittent, broken trail leading to...

His foot and the cuff of his pants were also red. Bright red and sticky. Like the kid's face had been, and his knuckles had been, when he...

He was bleeding. With that realization came the pain, slowly catching up with his whirling thoughts and racing perception. Pain that intensified when Dohyun started taking off his shoe and sock. Sungho tried to push Dohyun away with his good leg, but Dohyun grabbed his ankle.

"Do I have to tie up all of your limbs? Stop fighting me."

"You... Did you shoot me?"

Dohyun just stared at him. Sungho recognized the look. Every time Dohyun had put his hands on Sungho and Sungho had flinched, Dohyun had looked at him like that. Waiting to see if he should be upset. Every time Dohyun had looked at him like that, Sungho had withdrawn into himself and stopped resisting, afraid of being alone and guilty about disappointing Dohyun. This time was only different because upsetting Dohyun might lead to actual violence. He watched Dohyun grab a bottle of rubbing alcohol and poor half of it over his bloody ankle. The pain made him cry out and jerk backwards, but Dohyun had a better grip on him this time.

"Yeah, that was a pretty stupid thing to do," Dohyun said. At some point he'd taken off his jacket and gloves, and rolled up his sleeves. "I hope you learned your lesson." He grabbed some cotton pads from the medical kit next to him.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Sungho gritted his teeth, moaning. It hurt. As Dohyun cleaned it, it hurt so much that he couldn't even comprehend how much it hurt.

Dohyun sighed. "Open your mouth."

Sungho warily eyed him and the rolled-up towel he held. He let Dohyun shove it between his teeth, and then bit down hard as Dohyun finished cleaning, stitching, setting, and wrapping his ankle. The pain persisted, though less blindingly so, after Dohyun finished messing with it. Sungho caught his breath, shifting experimentally. He wouldn't be walking on it for a long time.

He looked around the room as Dohyun cleaned up the rest of the mess. There were other doors, he realized. One stood open and led to a bathroom. The other, a set of blue, metal doors, looked familiar. They couldn't be, but they were, he was sure of it. The doors to the sports warehouse at school. They looked so unsettlingly strange, removed from his childhood and set into the wall of a random, abandoned building, that he almost thought this whole thing was a nightmare. How could any of it be anything else? Getting into a strange car, finding Dohyun driving it, getting kidnapped at gunpoint, and being brought back to those doors, kilometers and years away from where they should be. It was a nightmare. Where was he? In the back of the car, staring at the back of Gi's head? On the street corner waiting for the car? Had he really even run out of milk? What if he was at home-

The sense of unreality threatened to bring the panic back. He couldn't afford to get confused right now. This was real. At the very least, the pain was real. He focused on it. He shifted enough to send another jab of pain up his leg, remind himself. "What do you want?"

Dohyun furrowed his brow. "Were you listening? You. I want you."

Leaning against the side of the bed, Sungho looked at the fridge, and the shelf of clothes and toiletries, and the lock on the door. He'd hoped he'd been wrong. What did Dohyun expect to do with him? Not kill him, despite shooting him. The furniture and supplies confirmed that Dohyun expected him to live here for a while. The warehouse... There was only one thing they'd done in the warehouse, toward the end. Sungho pressed his lips together. Dohyun had tried to kiss him...

"Dammit, it wasn't supposed to go like this!" Dohyun kicked a chair. Then he sighed, and smiled at Sungho. "That's okay. We'll start over." He squatted next to Sungho. "I've never had much luck with people, Sungho. They're deceitful, selfish, unreliable, and just all-around disappointing, but not you. Never you." Dohyun eyed him, dazed with affection. "You're the only person who cared about making me happy."

Sungho remembered promising that he would do whatever he could to make Dohyun happy. He'd meant it with all of his heart at the time. His love for the sad, hungry, closed off boy that slept at his desk every morning made the callous, selfish, manipulative boy that Dohyun had become so much worse. Sungho didn't love Dohyun anymore, feared him sometimes, especially now.

"I missed you," Dohyun continued, brushing Sungho's hair out of his face. "I won't let anything or anyone take you away from me this time."

Dohyun meant to keep him here for... what, ever? Like a prison? The idea was insane. Dohyun was... "I don't know what to say."

"That's okay." Dohyun shifted to straddle Sungho's lap. "I don't want to talk, either."

Sungho's hands twitched compulsively against the cuffs as Dohyun's hand slid around the back of his skull and pushed their mouths together. He flinched like Dohyun's lips burned.

"Kiss me like I taught you," Dohyun murmured.

When Dohyun kissed him again, Sungho felt the tip of a tongue stroke between his lips. While the chaste pecks on his lips, face, and neck had been tickly things he'd somewhat enjoyed, he'd never liked the idea of someone else's saliva in his mouth.

Dohyun chuckled, tilting their foreheads together. "Still doing the nervous virgin routine? After everything we've done?"

The way Dohyun looked at him suggested that he expected a response. Dohyun got mad when Sungho didn't answer his questions. "N-no... I..." Sungho looked away, cringing. "I don't..." his voice dropped, "like to be... touched..."

"We're adults, Sungho, you don't have to be coy."

The same. Always the same. Except he couldn't take off his shirt with his hands trapped behind him. It was a good excuse to sit there, but it wouldn't do anything to placate Dohyun. Keeping his head down, he watched Dohyun sideways. If he didn't resist, maybe Dohyun would interpret it as a sign to keep going and Sungho wouldn't have to do anything.

Dohyun sat back slowly. "You can't be serious." His eyes narrowed. "You came every time, I know you did. Don't tell me you didn't like it."

It was something he had struggled with for years, how something that felt so good in his body felt so awful in his heart and his mind. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, not sure what he was apologizing for, just hoping it might do something about Dohyun's darkening expression.

"Is that what you told your parents? Is that why they kept you away from me?" Dohyun's voice rose. "All these years, I was sure you never would've abandoned me, but you threw me under the bus so that you wouldn't get in trouble. Unbelievable!"

Threw him under the bus? Never! Sungho had cared so much for Dohyun, had given up so much of himself, that he'd resisted all of his parents' attempts to involve lawyers and police. After his attempted suicide, they'd been afraid to push him too hard. "I begged my parents to let it go. You have no idea how much trouble I saved you from!" He should've let his parents sue the school and the Kims. Maybe he wouldn't be here right now. "Why can't you leave me alone? Why do you have to keep taking pieces of me?"

"Shut up!" Dohyun slapped him. "Just shut the fuck up, Jung Sungho! You started it! You went along with it! I'm going to prove you liked it!" Dohyun grabbed the scissors from the first aid kit.

Sungho pulled his good leg up to his chest. "Just let me go. I won't tell anyone about this, I promise, I won't..."

Dohyun pushed his knee down and sat on his legs. He grabbed the hem of Sungho's shirt, pulled it taut with one hand, and started cutting.

"Don't!" Sungho twisted his torso, but he was trapped against the bed.

"Stop squirming. These clothes need to go sooner or later."

Sungho closed his eyes, like if he couldn't see himself, then Dohyun couldn't either. Cool air washed over his chest and stomach as Dohyun pushed his shirt open. Sungho wanted to scream.

"You weren't kidding when you said you don't go out much. When was the last time any of this saw sunlight?"

Dohyun's hands were sudden trails of heat rubbing up and down his sides.

"Your skin is as cool as I remember." Dohyun nuzzled his cheek between Sungho's pecs. "Mm..."

The contented sigh brushed a warm tickle of air across Sungho's skin. He shivered. Dohyun pressed against him as he brought his mouth to Sungho's neck. The tickling brush of lips made Sungho twitch and gasp. Dohyun blew on his neck and Sungho twitched harder. Chuckling now, Dohyun's fingers curled over to tickle Sungho's ribs. Sungho bucked under him, laughing even as he tried to escape Dohyun's touch. "Stop! D-dohyun, stop it!" He cried out as his ankle complained about all the squirming, but the tremble in his voice only made it sound like more laughter. "Please!"

"I missed your laugh," Dohyun said.

Autonomic responses. He hadn't been able to help giggling when Dohyun had kissed his stomach any more than he'd been able to help getting hard when Dohyun had groped below his waist. In the present, the fingers and breath playing his skin felt neither wonderful nor awful. They were simply loud. Too loud for his nerves to ignore, and they had to react. His lungs burned for air, but the giddy confusion just kept forcing out laughter. His stupid body. The traitorous flesh that he couldn't escape. The traitorous skin that tingled under the digits spidering to his stomach. The tickling finally stopped, but he didn't get time to catch his breath before a hand palmed his crotch.

Dohyun breathed, "Don't like being touched," and the tickle ran from his ear down his spine. "Maybe you only like it when I touch you."

Sungho was already half hard, and the hand kneading him through his pants wasn't helping. It was happening again. It was all happening again. He had to do the thing he always did. When Dohyun kissed him this time, Sungho drew the tip of his tongue along the roof of Dohyun's mouth.

"Mm," Dohyun brushed their noses together. "Good boy..." Then he dove in for a harder kiss.

Cringing, Sungho decided that swallowing Dohyun's saliva was less gross than drooling, but he hated it. Not that Dohyun was a particularly sloppy kisser, just that fluid exchange was inevitable. Sungho tried not to think about it.

Dohyun reached for the scissors again. Sungho breathed hard through the anxiety of being stripped. He didn't like being seen naked. He didn't like being the only one naked. It made him feel vulnerable and dirty and whorish. Bare, flushed, hard, and ready to be used. His face had to be red as Dohyun pulled the remains of his underwear out from underneath him. The only thing that stopped him from compulsively curling into a ball was the pain that stabbed up his leg when he tried. He was afraid, for a moment, that Dohyun might yell at him for being difficult, but Dohyun seemed content to interpret the flushed skin and heaving breaths as signs of arousal.

Grabbing Sungho's knees, Dohyun started to push them up and apart. The movement jostled Sungho's foot against the floor and he couldn't stop the groan of pain.

Dohyun paused. Looked from Sungho's wide-eyed face, to his ankle, and then up at the bed. "Get up and put your knees on the mattress."

Shifting and fumbling, Sungho said, "It would be easier without..." He pulled at the cuffs around his wrists.

Dohyun pressed his lips together and narrowed his eyes. "I'm sure it would."

Sungho bit his lip. Yes, it sounded suspicious, but he really had no idea how he would manage such a thing with one leg and restrained arms. "I'm sorry I resisted. I was nervous. I didn't mean to."

Dohyun grabbed his hair and yanked him closer again. "Do you know how many lies I hear every week? People love to lie to guys in my line of work. It's annoying as fuck, and I don't have any patience for it."

"You don't understand. I have-"

"That kicked puppy look is cute, but I won't let you use it to manipulate me. Just get on the fucking bed."

"I need help, Dohyun," Sungho insisted, pleading.

Dohyun sighed. "Okay." His fingers smoothed over Sungho's hair. "Okay, here." He stood up, grabbed Sungho under the armpits, and lifted.

Sungho had to push with his good leg, crying out as his foot dragged across the floor again, but soon enough he was seated on the edge of the bed, panting and sweating.

"It's okay," Dohyun repeated, stroking Sungho's face. "I'll make it feel good."

Sungho doubted that. Dohyun probably wouldn't hurt him to be sadistic, but Dohyun's gentleness had always been directly proportional to his patience. This Dohyun certainly hadn't gained any patience in the intervening years. Still, Sungho had no choice. He rolled until he could get his good knee under him, and then leaned on it while he gingerly brought the other leg into position as well, letting his feet hang over the edge so that he wouldn't have to flex his bad ankle. He kept his legs wide so that Dohyun could stand between his feet without bumping them, but god, he hated being exposed like this.

"Arch your back." Dohyun's hand pushed lightly on Sungho's spine.

As Sungho obeyed, he felt nails rake softly to the small of his back, over the curve of his butt, and down the back of his thigh. It did feel good, on his skin, but he hid his face in the sheet. At least having his arms trapped behind him gave him an excuse to keep his head down.

He heard a snapping sound and felt something cold dribble between his cheeks. His mind flailed.

What could he see? Nothing. He didn't want to open his eyes.

What could he feel? His throbbing ankle. The sheet sticking to his face. The chill air caressing his balls... Dohyun's finger circling his...

What could he hear? A belt buckle... a zipper... rustling cloth hitting the floor...

God, oh god, oh god, he could still taste the ghost of Dohyun's kiss, too, he still smoked, probably the same brand...

How had he ever gotten through this? His desire to see Dohyun happy. His desire to be near Dohyun. The desire that he'd spent several years and hundreds of thousands of won trying to unlearn. He hadn't been able to afford medication or therapy since his parents had died, but seeing Dohyun like this had stamped out the old love harder than anything else he'd tried so far. Dohyun was a monster. A selfish, crazy monster.

No, the desire to make him happy was there. Driven by fear instead of love, but it was there. Sungho grabbed onto the concept. Make Dohyun happy. Make Dohyun happy. He whined as a finger entered him.

"You're still so tight," Dohyun murmured. "You really have never done this with anyone else, have you?"

Sungho shook his head.

"Mm. I like that." The smile was audible in Dohyun's voice. "My shy little cutie waiting for me..."

The finger pulled out, and then two pushed in. They felt around until they touched the spot that made Sungho gasp and try to curl into himself. Dohyun pushed Sungho's spine back into the concave arch he wanted, but he wasn't as rough about it as Sungho feared. The fingers pressed and rubbed, and Sungho found himself moaning faintly. At least it was a sensation that he could enjoy, as long as he didn't think too hard about the cause.

"Look at me," Dohyun whispered, briefly close enough to tickle Sungho's ear again.

Sungho peeked over his shoulder. Dohyun stood over him, wearing nothing but the disheveled, unbuttoned shirt. Seeing Dohyun half-naked with his cock in his hand filled Sungho's stomach with confused butterflies. The years had carved and hardened the attractive boy into an attractive man, but there was a casual madness to the leer Dohyun appraised him with. Even the sudden, affectionate grin couldn't hide it.

The hand around Dohyun's dick moved a little faster. Sungho could hear the slick, squishing sound of the lube. Why did it have to be so quiet in here?

"Fuck..." Dohyun muttered. He sucked his lower lip as he glanced over Sungho. Then the two fingers withdrew and three plunged in.

"Ah!" Sungho writhed away from the sudden bite of pain impulsively. Though Dohyun didn't speak, his hand followed Sungho's movements, persistent in his refusal to let him escape. "Nn..." Sungho breathed. The pain faded slowly.

"Better?" Dohyun asked eventually.

No. Better would be being at home. Better would be never having left his apartment. As far as the present situation, it was only as good as it was ever going to be, but Sungho nodded to keep Dohyun happy. Dohyun's hand shifted to Sungho's hip and Sungho felt something else replace it. The tip sank in easily, the rest followed slowly, and Sungho felt as sick as he had when Dohyun showed him the gun in the car. "Dohyun..." he whimpered under his breath. Behind him, Dohyun paused, and though Sungho couldn't see him he could just imagine how Dohyun was looking at him right then. That face, annoyed, frustrated, disappointed... Sungho couldn't force the rest of his plea past his tight throat. Dohyun wouldn't stop and exasperating him would only make him more careless. The words Sungho finally did force out were so soft and muffled by the sheets, that they would only have been audible in the vast stillness of the abandoned warehouse. "G-go slow..."

"I am," Dohyun said.

Once Dohyun seemed sure Sungho wasn't going to protest again, he gripped Sungho's hips with both hands and kept going until his pelvis pressed against Sungho's rear. Fingers dug into Sungho's flesh as Dohyun sighed.

"You feel so good," Dohyun murmured. He eased in and out a couple times, breath low and raspy.

Sungho held very still, trembling, eyes wide and blank, even as he pressed his forehead into the sheets. The slow, short strokes didn't hurt, but the perversity of having a cock inside him left him faintly stunned. More-so that it did, still, feel a little good, beneath the discomfort of being kept open. He'd forgotten how hard Dohyun felt in his... his...

Dohyun added more lube and the heat of the friction cooled further. Sungho knew it could feel wonderful if he let it, but he still struggled with wanting to. If he liked it, it couldn't be a violation and it was. It was a violation. Water dripped from Sungho's eyes as precum dripped from his cock. It felt good. In the hollowness consuming his exhausted mind, there was only the pleasure creeping up on his body. He shifted, fighting himself, not sure which side he was fighting for. A hand slipped down his thigh, and then moved up and around to his crotch. A fist closed around his shaft as Dohyun used his thumb and pointer finger to squeeze and rub Sungho's cock head. Sungho lifted his head with a startled gasp.

Dohyun hummed happily at the response, lengthening the stroke of his thrusts. Feeling something so thick being pulled against his body's natural control felt unnervingly wrong, but the hand massaging his dick felt so good that it all started blending together into another one of those loudly consuming sensations. Like tickling, but it drew moans from his throat instead of laughter.

Dohyun leaned over him, wrapping his other arm around Sungho's torso to pull him closer. "So fucking cute..." Dohyun breathed between Sungho's shoulder blades. "God..."

Sungho felt the grin on Dohyun's face. Happy. Happy Dohyun... Sungho closed his eyes, letting Dohyun's thrusts rock him into Dohyun's fist. The body behind him pressed closer, holding himself deep so that he could lick and nibble the shell of Sungho's ear. "Nn..." The invader filled him, rubbing deeper as the hand rubbed faster. It wasn't going to stop. Dohyun wasn't going to be happy until Sungho finished. It was a sentiment that even the part of him that didn't want to enjoy this could agree with, so his mind finally left his body to it. Dohyun stayed close, licking, nibbling, groping, and petting, until Sungho arched hard in his embrace and ejaculated on the sheets.

"Don't like to be touched." Dohyun's tongue clicked in his ear. "Unbelievable."

The arms released Sungho. He fell face-first on the mattress, spent, empty, like the last vestiges of presence had left his body with his cum. The heavy dullness settled back over his senses, but that was probably a good thing. He could hear and feel the distant, determined slap, slap, slap of Dohyun's hips on his butt. It should hurt, would hurt more later. That was the way it went. Dohyun's willingness to be gentle was directly proportional to his patience, and Sungho couldn't possibly expect him to finish without being a little rough.

It wasn't malicious.

It was necessary.

Necessary...

"Fuck, Sungho... Sungho... Ah... Ah!" Dohyun slammed it and held. Slammed in and held. Slammed in and... Stayed. Left his hands resting loosely on Sungho's haunches. Breathed.

Sungho peaked back at him. His shirt hung off one shoulder and his sweaty skin glowed in the overexposure of the fluorescent lighting. When he noticed Sungho watching him, a contented smile split his flushed face. The familiarity of the expression stung something buried in Sungho's heart and his eyes watered again. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't Dohyun have left him alone? Why did he have to keep teasing and dangling the little pieces of himself that Sungho wanted to cling to? He'd hated Dohyun, and loved Dohyun, and hated himself for loving Dohyun...

Dohyun settled onto the bed and opened his arms toward Sungho. "Lay with me," Dohyun commanded, still wearing that hazy smile.

Sungho hesitated, but ultimately shifted and crawled up next to Dohyun as best he could. What else could he do? He was too drained to think. Doing what Dohyun said was so much easier. An arm wrapped around his back and Dohyun laced their fingers together. Dohyun's other hand raked fingers through Sungho's sweaty hair.

"We're going to stay like this," Dohyun murmured. "We're going to stay like this forever. Finally..."

Sungho didn't know what to say, but it quickly became apparent that Dohyun was just babbling delirious nothings. Good. Thinking of something to say would require him to feel something, and feeling anything was the last thing he wanted to do right now, aside from maybe thinking about anything.

Chapter Text

At some point, Dohyun's restless petting stopped, though their fingers remained locked together as firmly as the cuffs. Sungho thought Dohyun might have fallen asleep, but he didn't dare move to check. He could already feel the old, but not unfamiliar, bruised sting setting in. At least he didn't have to force himself to hold still in class while cum leaked into his underwear.

A phone rang. Sungho lifted his head, groggy and confused. Dohyun moved too, slow and languid. Sungho heard him sigh as he brought a hand to his face. Then he pushed Sungho aside and climbed out of bed. Digging through the clothing piled on the floor, he produced a phone. It looked nice. Shiny, sleeker, more expensive than anything he'd ever seen Dohyun own before.

"What is it?" Dohyun answered. No prior greeting, just the same, irritable, impatient Dohyun. "Uh huh... uh huh..." Dohyun rolled his eyes in Sungho's direction and made a mouth-flapping gesture with his hand. "Fine. Give me forty minutes." Dohyun balanced his phone on his shoulder as he found and stepped into his underwear. "Yeah, forty minutes." He paused. "Well, if you're going to drag a guy out of bed in the middle of the night, you aren't going to get snappy results." He pulled up his pants. "I know, I'm coming... I said I'm coming... Fine. Bye." He hung up the phone and glared at it. "Mother fucker..." he mumbled. Then he eyed Sungho. "I have to run."

Run? Like... leave?

Dohyun shook his head. "God, you really fucked this up." His eyes moved from the chain around the pillar, to Sungho's ankle, to the clothing on the shelf. "We'll have to do it like this."

Dohyun pulled something out of his pocket and rolled Sungo onto his belly. The glimmer of hope Sungho felt when one side of the cuffs loosened fizzled out as Dohyun latched the loose end to the bed frame.

"I'll set you up better in the morning, okay?" Dohyun smiled and cupped Sungho's jaw. "I'm so happy to have you back. Honestly. I really, really am."

The morning... Dohyun was going to leave him here. Naked. Sticky. In the dark.

"Don't look at me like that," Dohyun chastised gently. "If you hadn't run like an idiot, I wouldn't have to change my plan like this."

He moved to finish getting dressed, and then stopped again. "Wait, you know what?" He sat on the bed next to Sungho and pulled out his phone. "I want to remember this. Our first night back together." Throwing an arm around Sungho's shoulder, Dohyun held the phone at arm's length. When he saw Sungho in the camera, he frowned. "Come on, smile for me. You always looked so cute when you smiled."

Dohyun was nuts. He'd really lost it. Sungho didn't want to make him mad. He forced the corners of his mouth up.

Dohyun chuckled. "Close enough." He grinned at the camera and tapped the screen. Then he grinned at Sungho and kissed his cheek. "Stay out of trouble, huh? I'll be back soon."

Sungho watched Dohyun put himself back together and leave. What else could he do? Dohyun had him.

Dohyun had him again.