Chapter Text
"Marry me, Izzy," Stede blurts out late one August afternoon. He's not sure what compelled him to say it. He's not sure if he wants to take it back.
Stede isn't really expecting anything better than the, "The fuck?" that comes out of Izzy's mouth, but for some reason it still stings. Stede attempts to appear unfazed.
"Marry me," he repeats. Izzy looks at him like he's just grown a third eye. Which is probably fair enough.
"And why," seethes Izzy, stalking towards Stede, hand on his sword, "would I want to do that?"
"For Ed," says Stede. It's not like this idea's come from nowhere, but it's been brewing in Stede's mind for so long that it's a shock to actually say the words out loud. "I mean, we're the two important men in his life." Izzy sneers. "I'd like for us to get along."
"And the best way to do that is definitely marriage," says Izzy, thoroughly unconvinced and harshly mocking.
"Well, it just seems like a good idea!" says Stede. It doesn't. Or, well. Stede's been absolutely certain since he met Izzy that somewhere underneath all that swearing and anger and bravado is a perfectly pleasant man, although that doesn't make who he is now any more likeable. It's all an act, though, it must be. Izzy simply acts like he does because he's scared and he feels like he needs to to be protected, because he's broken and he's given up on trying to be a good person, but Stede knows better. Stede can fix Izzy, if given the chance, and he's going to, goddamnit. He's going to save Izzy from his own demons and get a husband in the process.
He's been rolling it around in his head for a few weeks now. Izzy, his husband. His husband Izzy. He likes the sound of it.
"No," says Izzy. "I am not going to marry you, Bonnet."
"Oh," says Stede, "That's a shame. I was thinking perhaps a spring wedding."
-
Despite Izzy's adamant refusal, Stede is not going to give up that easily. It's the best solution to this whole Stede-Ed-Izzy problem, and if Izzy just let it happen Stede's sure it would work. Stede and Ed are, obviously, together, and Ed and Izzy clearly have something going on. Stede knows they knew each other before Stede arrived and that there were close, in their own way, although that way involved absolutely no emotional vulnerability at all. And when Stede left, things were difficult between them, and their relationship cracked somewhat, but they've been hesitantly and silently rebuilding it. Stede didn't think a relationship could function off of all actions and no words, but apparently Ed and Izzy are managing it. Stede knows they don't like communicating verbally, and it's touching, in a way, to see them both make space for each other, to see them start to look each other in the eyes again, to share glances of amusement and understanding. It feels fragile. Stede is terrified of breaking it.
But this just makes sense. They're like a triangle, and Stede and Izzy are the last side to join up to make it all fit. Besides, Stede - Stede's seen Izzy and Ed interact, and it's difficult, sometimes awkward, and a little clunky most of the time, but occasionally they just get each other, and Stede wants that. He's seen the smiles Ed can bring to Izzy's face, and he wants to make Izzy smile. He can do it, he's sure he can. Izzy just needs to give him a chance.
So he's not giving up. That much, he's established.
Instead, he flops down on his sofa and gives a deep, dramatic sigh. Somewhere to his left, he hears Ed's rumbling chuckle and Lucius' judgemental snort.
"Did you actually think that was going to work?" asks Lucius disbelievingly. Stede scowls.
"Well, no, but I thought it was worth a try. I am going to make a husband out of him, whether he likes it or not."
"I thought you were all about marrying for love?" asks Ed.
"Yes, well, love for you, not for him. And besides, I've got a partner who I picked for love. I want to try doing it for practical reasons. You know, I knew a couple who lived relatively near to us and they certainly didn't love each other, but everyday they woke up and tried, no matter what, because they had to. They worked together as a team, and they always had each other on their side, and I want that. I want to build something steady, and stable."
"With Izzy?" asks Lucius in disbelief.
"Yes! With Izzy!"
"You could pick literally anyone else on this ship," says Lucius, "If it's not because you love him, why does it have to be Izzy?"
"He's the steadiest person I know," Stede frustratedly tries to explain, "And we need to learn to work together. We both love Ed, and we can't hate each other forever. And he's so good at keeping the ship in order and pirating and all that. If I had to pick anyone to be on my team, bar you of course Ed, I'd want him. And I know he would never choose me, but I think he will, in time, and I want his - his competence, and his determination, and his thoroughness."
"Yeah," Ed murmers in understanding.
"Okay," says Lucius like he knows this is going to go wrong but isn't going to stop him because he thinks it'll be funny. Stede scowls.
"Besides, I'm certain there's a soft interior under all that sharpness. There must be. I'm sure that deep down he's a good person. I've seen who he can be with Ed when he tries. I want to bring that out in him."
"That's sweet," says Ed, "Don't think it'll work, but it'd be fun to see you try. If you do end up getting married, I want to see him with his hair up. Maybe we could get Lucius to put flowers in it."
"Maybe," says Lucius, bemused, and the image of Izzy, flowers in his hair, dressed smartly in clothes Stede had given him, smiling genuinely at Stede, is enough to re-ignite that spark in Stede's chest and fill him with determination.
"I'll propose to him in front of the crew," says Stede in a flash of inspiration. "I'll make it really grand. Then he'll feel so embarrassed he'll have to say yes."
"He's gonna fucking hate you," warns Ed.
"He already does," says Lucius, "And is it just me, or is this a bit morally questionable of you? It's basically forced marriage, but by force of humiliation and obedience."
"He wouldn't actually do it if he didn't want to," says Ed, "If he is properly opposed to it, he'll refuse. Or I can go and have a chat with him afterwards, clarify that if he really doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. We wouldn't want to force him."
"Good idea," acknowledges Stede, "And, Lucius, you're right, he does already hate me. So I may as well do it. I mean, he can't hate me any more, right? And he wouldn't kill his own husband."
Ed sighs. "You're right. He'd probably take the vows very seriously."
"That's it, then. A grand proposal. Now the difficult part will be making it a surprise."
-
Stede ends up rifling through his drawers to find a suitable ring, having to using Ed's approximations to find one the right size. Izzy's hands are quite small, apparently, and Stede finds himself thinking about how their fingers would slot together.
He settles on a fairly discreet ring, a simple gold band with an obsidian gem. To match Izzy's black aesthetic, of course.
"Would've thought you'd go for something gaudier," murmers Ed. Stede shakes his head.
"He wouldn't like it. I want to give him something he'd actually appreciate, and I want him to know that I'm serious. This isn't just a game to me. I genuinely care."
"That's very sweet of you," says Ed, and Stede smiles at him.
-
"I don't know, mate. He mostly likes the simple stuff. Bread, soup, you know," says Ed as Stede tries to decide on something to have Roach make for the engagement.
"I can't just make him bread! What about, I don't know, fruits? Cakes? He must like something!"
"He does have a bit of a sweet tooth," says Ed, "Very embarrassed about it, though, don't tell him I told you or he'll never forgive me. Loves anything sugary."
"Great!" says Stede, "That's helpful. Anything else?"
Ed shrugs. "Think I remember him liking strawberries once upon a time. I think they were grown somewhere near where he grew up? Something like that. I should probably know this better, shouldn't I?"
"Don't worry about it," says Stede, patting Ed's shoulder, "You've done great. Maybe a little pastry with strawberries would be nice. Something with strawberry jam? Perhaps a sponge cake with strawberries?"
"Sure," says Ed, "Sounds lovely. Just save some for me, won't you?"
-
"How am I meant to write a sweet song when it's intended for Izzy Hands?" exclaims Frenchie loudly. Stede shushes him ferociously.
"Be quiet, man! And, it doesn't need lyrics! Pretend it's for Wee John if it makes you feel better. I just want a pretty melody," says Stede, "This has to be perfect, Frenchie. It is for our engagement, after all. You'll be doing the music for the wedding, you know."
"Fine," says Frenchie, "But I'm not happy about this!"
-
Stede had been certain that he'd have something suitable to wear, but now, scanning his wardrobe, there's nothing even vaguely appropriate. All of his clothes are far too extravagant, Izzy will just scoff at them, and while that's on Izzy and not him, Stede just wants this all to go well. As much as it pains him to admit, he just wants Izzy's acceptance, and to get that, he'll definitely need the right clothes.
Eventually, he settles on the plainest outfit he owns, and ties that cravat of his that Ed's always stealing around his neck, for good luck.
-
"Just toss the petals over him," Stede hisses, "I'll hand him this bouquet, you take the petals off of the flowers on that one and scatter them over him. Like snow, but more springlike."
"Do I really have to do this?" asks Jim, their tone flat.
"Yes!" insists Stede, "You do! I am ordering you to as your captain. Now quick, get in your places. In your places, everyone! He's coming!"
"They're just through here," Lucius says, leading Izzy onto the deck. The entire crew is out here, and as Izzy steps up into the deck, Frenchie starts to play a beautiful, lilting melody. Lucius nods at him to walk forwards and Izzy hesitantly walks down the centre of the ship as Stede's crew scatter flower petals over him. He's never looked so disturbed, nor so confused, in his life.
When he reaches him, Stede gets down on one knee, and Izzy's eyes widen in understanding. Stede pulls out the ring.
"Izzy Hands," says Stede as confidently as he can considering how much his voice is quivering, "Will you do me the honor of marrying me?"
Izzy's gaze flicks from Stede's outfit to the ring to the setting and all the crewmates gathered around them. His eyes meet Ed's as if questioning if this is an order, but Ed neither nods nor shakes his head, instead smiling at Izzy in a way Stede thinks must be terribly unhelpful.
Eventually, Izzy's gaze turns back to Stede, and, despite Stede's firm belief that Izzy's going to swear at him and push him off of the side of the ship, Izzy holds out a trembling hand and lets Stede slide the engagement ring onto it.
"Yes," he says softly. Stede beams at him, and Izzy gives a tiny smile back, and, as the deck erupts into chaos, Stede can't help but think that this might be the happiest he's ever been in his entire life.