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To Choose
Only a week into summer break and Wilhelm has already been regulated to this corner of his home. The floor-length window faced away from the rising sun leaving the cornered seat in a perpetual shadowed state until moments before sunset, when Wilhelm’s new little world flooded with the brilliant setting sun.

This area of the mansion was small and lonely… but so was the rest of the grounds at very least here he would be unbothered.

Wilhelm picked at the skin of his thumb thinking of his future, but after a semester of isolation, he could only see endless years of this loneliness and despair.

His phone rang, no doubt his mom or dad calling about some random public appearance that required his attention. Wilhelm sighed and stood, looking out to the little garden outside his window, before straightening his shoulders and shielding his sadness from the world to join his family and fulfill his duties.

Four weeks later: three more public appearances, two ribbon cuttings, one charity event and Wilhelm was finally able to return to his window seat to continue his thoughts.

This performance he put on, of empty social grace, was that to be the rest of his life? And from every conversation he witnessed between his parents and the plans his mother had already made for his future, he could not imagine how anything would improve. His duty from now until forever was to live a narrow life of press releases, marry a woman, have children, and then raise said children to do the exact same thing; while they all remained miserable with smiles on their faces.

He couldn't do it. Erik is the one who was born for this role, whether resigned or excited for it, Erik understood the role. Wilhelm couldn’t seem to grasp anything and faking it to the public was getting easier just as faking it to himself was getting harder.

He was so tired and so heartbroken with nothing to distract him from it. Earlier after his father lay a hand on his shoulder for a photograph, Wilhelm realized it had been so long since he had last been touched. Only Erik ever gave him hugs, tackles, and head rubs; and with him gone the house was empty of touch, laughter, and love.

What a sad conclusion to come to.

Wilhelm tapped on the window, watching the wind blow through the trees and the flowers dance along the breeze. Without prompting Wilhelm stood, things wouldn't change unless he forced them to and Wilhelm was tired.

_______________________
Two days later, the opportunity finally came. Approaching the door of his mother’s office, Wilhelm had to steel himself for the conversation that would make or break his future, but he was ready for the answer.

Wilhelm knocked and, after hearing the answering call, walked in. The office was wide and bright, but the many windows did not change the staleness of the air or the oppressive feeling that was building in Wilhelm's body. Walking forward and trailing his eyes over the bookcases and tray of snacks to the side, Wilhelm tried to imagine this as his office and hated the image.

“Give me a moment, Wilhelm,” his mother returned to her paperwork after gesturing for him to sit in one of the chairs facing her desk.

Wilhelm sat and shifted in the seat he had been in many times before, always for a lecture on proper behavior for someone in their royal position. Wilhelm had nothing but negative memories for this space.

“Okay, darling, what is it?” Having his mother's full attention on him was unnerving. It happened very rarely that nothing else was taking her attention away in his presence.

“I…,” Wilhelm hesitated, suddenly unsure he wanted to ask the question when he feared the answer. His mother raised her eyebrows, “I wanted to ask you a question.”

“Yes, go ahead. I must warn you I have an important call coming in half an hour so this mustn’t take long,” Her eyes moved back to the papers on the desk, already losing interest in anything Wilhelm had to say.

“‘Gay crown prince’ are those words a contradiction?,” the words left him in a rush and at her startled look, Wilhelm repeated. “Is it possible for there to be a gay crown prince?”

“No.”

Wilhelm was expecting it, but it still sliced at his heart.

Queen Kristina sighed deeply at his heartbroken expression and continued, “There are so many requirements and responsibilities put on people of our position. For you marriage and children are the first duties of your adulthood.”

“How does my sexuality hinder that? Children can be adopted. Surrogates and in vitro fertilization have existed for decades!” Wilhelm stood, angered and desperate, running his hand through his hair.

“TRADITION, it is what makes us who we are. We CANNOT throw that to the wayside, generations of people have been born and bled to put you in the position you are in today.” The queen stood as well, countering his argument with the only thing she cared about.

Wilhelm took a step back in shock and lowered his voice, “You would condemn me to a life of misery for something as flimsy and fallible as Tradition?”

“It would not be misery,” his mother moved past the desk coming to stand before him and placed both of her hands on his shoulders to look him in the eyes, “You will have joys in your life. Yes, there have to be sacrifices you make, but you will find contentment in your role, in the help you provide this country, in your children. Just wait and see.”

Wilhelm was disbelieving, stepping back to let her hands fall. “Contentment? That's what I am living this life for, to be content?,” his expression disgusted, Wilhelm began striding out of the office.

“Wait. Wilhelm, do you not realize how privileged you are, the amount of people who would kill to be in your position? Do not disgrace yourself by acting this way,” the rest of his mothers words were cut off by him slamming the door and walking away.
______________________

Once again Wilhelm was back in his window seat, but now there was a laptop and a pile of books with him. Two days after his conversation with his mother, he had already decided that the life she created for him would never come to be. But that meant he had to figure out what his life would look like and the future that was once dark and dreary began to take on a colorful shape.

The wide world of psychology caught his eye, a counseling psychologist for teens and young adults. Wilhelm paused his writing to actually think about it, to be able to help others who felt stuck or this same pressure sounded attractive. And he could open a practice or program to serve several schools or broaden his ideas for improving the mental health of adolescents all over the country. Wilhelm smiled that did sound like the perfect career, he wrote it down to create a more developed plan later.

One thing semi-done meant he could move on to the next issue.

Pulling out the old family tree, Wilhelm cross referenced the book with the website he found on the larger Swedish royal line. Feeling a momentary sadness at Erik’s picture with the deceased label under it, Wilhelm reoriented himself to what he was searching for, Nathalie. He had met her before, of course, but Wilhelm spent most family gatherings trying to make himself invisible. And Nathalie was his heir, just a year younger than Erik and five years older than himself.

Wilhelm pulled out his phone, scrolling through his contacts to find Nathalie and opened up their chat. Their last two sentence conversation was Nathalie expressing her grief over Erik and extending a hand to Wilhelm, which Wilhelm thanked her for and let the conversation end there.

But now Wilhelm texted:
~ “Are you busy? I could use someone to talk to,” Wilhelm placed his phone down looking at the rest of his extended family tree, taking note of the other people he could ask if his conversation with Nathalie didn't go well. And he also breathed a sigh of relief to know that there were nine people between the throne and August, when his phone buzzed.

Lifting it to see what Nathalie wrote:
~ “Hi, Wilhelm, it's good to hear from you. I'm in town if you'd like to meet up or we could keep this purely over text. whatever makes you more comfortable.”

Wilhelm thought it over, it would be easier to evaluate body language and trustworthiness in-person versus over text and replied, “Yes I would like to have lunch, do you know the bakery at the corner of Olsson Park?”

~ “Yes, does Saturday at eleven in the morning work for you? Thank you for reaching out to me,” Nathalie returned.

After Wilhelm confirmed with her, he returned to his notebook of plans and tried not to feel overwhelmed with his aspirations.

_______________________
Wilhelm munched on the overly sweet pastry and sipped at his coffee, ignoring his bodyguards and the few people who snapped some pictures, while he waited for Nathalie.

Thankfully, Wilhelm recognized the brunette woman who rushed toward him.

“I hope I haven't kept you waiting,” Nathalie breathed deeply, trying to calm down from her jog.

“Not at all,” Wilhelm reassured, handing her the pastry and coffee he had bought for her, “I hope you don't mind, I took a guess on what you would like. I thought we could take a walk in the park?”

“Oh, thank you,” Nathalie accepted the food, “and yes, a walk sounds good, um lead the way.”

Wilhelm smiled and turned toward the archway of Olsson Park's entrance. It was beautiful, the flowers freshly in bloom and the early morning chill allowed the air to remain sweet. The two -four, if you counted the bodyguards- walked in silence for some minutes.

Nathalie took a gulp of her drink before shifting her French braid to her other side and speaking to Wilhelm, “So many times, I wanted to contact or call you, it seemed like you could use a friend. But I didn't think we were close enough for it to not feel like prying.” Nathalie's self-deprecating smile did help set Wilhelm at ease.

“Honestly, it’s been a bad year and I wouldn’t have taken any outreach of friendship well. You did the right thing, giving me space,” the silence resumed after Wilhelm’s words and the walking continued.

Wilhelm huffed a little frustrated with himself; what was the point of the in-person meeting if he wasn't going to do anything with it.

Spotting the bench, Wilhelm turned to his companion, “Would you like to sit?”

Nathalie nodded and they both faced the trees of the park, Wilhelm gathered some courage.

“So, You just finished university?” he questioned, trying to start small talk.

“Yes, Oxford to be exact,” she rolled her eyes lightly, “my parents' idea because of the prestige, now they want me to go to Harvard business or law, but I don't think I want to go that far,” she shrugged.

“Oh, what are you trying to do instead?” Wilhelm was curious about the parental pressure she felt as well.

“Well, I did like all my science courses, so I applied to the Karolinska Institutet without telling them,” she gave him an exaggerated wink, “I just feel better actively helping people, not passively through charity balls.”

Wilhelm laughed at the face she made, “That makes sense. I was thinking the same thing, but through psychology. You still haven't told them?”

“Nope,” her mouth popped on the word. “I’m 22 and already have my trust fund, if they make too big of a fuss, it will look bad for them not me,” she further explained. “And what about you? Going against the business school tradition for something else, What type of psychology?” she questioned.

“I haven't quite decided,” he answered. Okay Wilhelm had delayed enough, from their little conversion Wilhelm could deduce Nathalie was intelligent, wished to help others, and had enough sass to be an interesting person.

Wilhelm cleared his throat, “Tell me, have you ever thought about being queen?”

Nathalie startled and looked wide-eyed before returning to a more relaxed position, “I suppose in abstract terms, my parents’ liked to use the possibility of me being queen to get me to behave when I was younger. And when,” she paused for a moment, “Erik left us, I was reminded again that the crown was getting closer not further.” She narrowed her eyes at him, “Why do you ask?”

“I am thinking of abdicating,” Wilhelm admitted.

Nathalie reacted strongly to the statement standing up, which caused the guards some meters away to do the same. Wilhelm frantically waved her down, smiling at the guards until they sat as well.

“I haven't made a final decision. I wanted to meet you, my heir, before making more plans,” Wilhelm let her gobsmacked expression settle and imagined he would see more of them soon.

“But, why?” she whispered, concerned. “What's so wrong?”

“I- I asked my mother what my life would look like as King, and she painted such a terrible picture, I’m looking for a way out,” Wilhelm sighed and still seeing her unbelieving face he let out words he had never truly said out loud. “I’m gay, and my future must include a wife and children by said wife. I'm not willing to sell my happiness for a crown.”

Nathalie’s expression cleared as she thought, “Oh, so that video…”

“Was me, and August's doing. My mother knew and didn't care, as long as the crown saved face.” Wilhelm turned back toward the trees, the sun was shining with a few more rays and birds were circling the blue sky. And thus Wilhelm was taken by surprise by the hug Nathalie gave him.

“It will all be okay, Erik wouldn't want you miserable. I promised myself before this meeting that I would help you however I could. Though I admit 'queen-hood' isn't how I thought I could help,” she snorted.

And the relief of having a supporter and the warmth of a hug he had been desperately craving, Wilhelm began to cry as he wrapped his arms around her in return and they remained that way for some moments allowing Wilhelm to receive comfort he hadn't felt in months.

_____________________
“I have noticed you have been meeting with Nathalie, that's good. You shouldn't keep cooped up by the window too long,” his father, king-consort Ludvig, stated breaking the silence of their dinner.

“You’ve noticed me by the window,” Wilhelm had thought he was invisible there, “Why didn’t you come say hello?”

“Well you looked so peaceful, content, I didn't want to disturb you,” his father explained.

Content? Wilhelm thought. How odd to use that word to describe him, when his time spent on the window seat was anything but content.

“In any case, you should have your meetings inside; the press circulated that picture of you crying on her. You must be more careful of your surroundings and emotions in public,” his mother interjected with a now predictable statement.

Wilhelm wanted to roll his eyes, but instead placed his fork down to look at each of his parents in turn. “Thank you for bringing Nathalie up, Father. Mother, I would like you to prepare for my abdication.”

His father choked and his mother fork clinked on her plate as she turned to him.

“Excuse me?,” her voice low and disbelieving asked.

“I would like you to prepare for my abdication,” he repeated. “Nathalie is wonderful, smart and self-assured; She would make a great queen.” Wilhelm took another bite as his parents gathered themselves.

“Wilhelm, where is this coming from?” His father’s face was confused, and if he thought Wilhelm content, it was no wonder he was surprized.

“I have been thinking of what my future would entail as a traditional king and I don't want it, so abdication is the only path.”

“Wilhelm, if you are unsatisfied with something I'm sure your mother and I can compromise with you, there's no need to take such a drastic measure,” his father reasoned, looking to his mother to add her agreement but her face was furious.

“Is that why you've been meeting with Nathalie, have you promised her your throne? Did she put this idea in your head? Her parents tell me she is heading to Harvard business school. She cannot be your heir,” her tone was harsh, but Wilhelm had prepared himself for the backlash.

“The idea was my own, Mother. What else were you expecting when you promised me a miserable life? I was born to be more than content.”

“You were born to be spare,” his mother may as well have slapped him.

“KRISTINA, don't say such a thing,” his father hit his palm to the table. “Now listen, there is some room for compromise here. Wilhelm please, what is going on?”

Wilhelm looked into his mothers eyes even with his words directed toward his father, “I’m gay, Papa, and I refuse to spend my life in a lifeless marriage for a sake of a piece of jewelry too heavy to be worn.”

“Is this because of that boy? Let him go,” his mother parried.

“THIS IS ABOUT ME, choosing for the first time what my path would be. Can’t you understand that?” Wilhelm's eyes beseeched his mother’s hardened gaze.

“Kristina, we have some time. We can adjust the public to Wilhelm being a homos-... an untraditional king,” he reached for her hand trying to soothe the high emotions in the room.

“Or Wilhelm could realize that we all give our pound of flesh to the crown and his sacrifice may not even be the biggest or hardest,” her hand moved before the touch.

Wilhelm’s face contorted through sadness and anger, before rising from the table abruptly, “then prepare to lose your spare as well.”

Wilhelm walked away from his parents' ensuing argument and into his room. Pulling out his phone to text Nathalie:
~ “A definite possibility you will end up being queen,” before turning the phone off and slumping on his bed.

_________________________
At the annual Midsummer's Day ball, his family, guests, and members of the press mingled around the event hall. Unlike previous years, Wilhelm could not fade into the background, everyone either had something to say to him or picture to take of him; he never had a moment alone.

Luckily Nathalie was there to help reintroduce him to all the cousins he had once ignored, while also avoiding August. And, of course, his closeness with Nathalie earned him some glares from his mother; they still had not spoken of his abdication in the past few days, but he had warned Nathalie of his mothers ire.

The night went much the same, with Nathalie by his side helping keep him sane. He would talk to a family member or stranger, then answer a question from a journalist; a few questions about Erik, Nathalie had to help him gracefully deflect.

But now Wilhelm was getting exhausted wondering when the festivities would end, just as he was approached from the side by a female journalist. Wilhelm tried to subtly look for Nathalie, who had gone to the refreshment table and was now being accosted by her parents. Too late to run.

“Ingela Varli with Nordstjernan news, Can I ask ‘Do you have anything special planned for your 18th birthday?” her words came quickly, a camera in his face.

Wilhelm thought quickly, he could lie, but what would be the repercussions of honesty?

“Honestly, I think I would have abdicated by then, so it would be a party like any other,” Wilhelm shrugged consequences be damned- time to force his parents’ hand.

Ingela reacted like she had been struck, “Why?” her question was whispered as if she feared making a wrong step and falling off a cliff.

“Well, I would like to keep my reasons to myself. Things aren't finalized, my issues could be resolved and therefore make my reasons irrelevant. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

Wilhelm turned away from the still frozen journalist to walk back to Nathalie, who had escaped her parents and threw his arm around her.

“What are you so happy about?” She narrowed her eyes at his expression.

“I’m making moves, and I'll either succeed or fail, how exciting.” Wilhelm grinned at her, “Come, let's keep mingling, everything has to look normal,” he pulled her along.

“Everything is normal.” her expression didn’t change with his mischievous smile, and her words caused him to laugh brightly, drawing many people's and Ingela’s attention.

_____________________________
The pounding on his bedroom door woke him up, and he didn't have time to react before he was ambushed by his mother, a phone pushed in his face.

“WHAT IS THIS?” she screeched. On the screen the video of him speaking of his abdication played on loop. Wilhelm peered at the phone before registering the question.

“That is me forcing your hand. Make a decision, am I your heir or not?” He sat up in his bed glancing at his father and continued, “my sexuality will not change and I will not compromise my future. So make your choice, me or Nathalie.”

His mother growled. It was the most undignified sound Wilhelm had ever heard from her, but he stood his ground looking her in the eyes.

“Mama,” his voice purposefully softer, “you have championed so many pro-LGBTQ laws and anti-discrimination projects, surely you believed in what you were doing. Why am I any different?” he asked, so confused by her opposition.

Her face softened from furious to neutral and his father laid a hand on her arm, “He’s right, and you know it. Kristina, stop fighting him. You will not win, not with this.”

His mother pulled her arm free and walked away, his father sighed and sat at the foot of his bed. Wilhelm joined him, thankful for the support. They sat in silence as Wilhelm scrolled through his phone looking at article after article showing the same minute clip and discussing the ramifications of his abdication. A few of them even took note of his new friendship with Nathalie and postulated that it was because he was trying to transfer his royal crown to her.

“Wilhelm, don't give up too easily. You may not have been born for this role, but you were trained for it and I know you have so many forward thinking ideas to help our nation.” The line of his fathers shoulders was slumped, “the crown is a heavy responsibility, but also a useful tool.”

Wilhelm was so grateful of his fathers belief in his ability, “I am not going to give up, I just can't do something so emotional, mentally, and physically draining, while also miserable. Please understand.”

“I do- I understand,” his father patted his leg, before smiling at him conspiratorially, “We will wear her down together, brilliant move with the journalist.”

“Truly?” Wilhelm felt happy in his room for the first time in so many months. “I was so nervous, I wanted to push, but not too far,” he returned the grin.

“No, you did well, vague enough it could be about anything, but close enough that with a wrong move from your mother someone could guess the strife in this family,” he moved to stand patting Wilhelm's shoulder and looking him in the eyes. “You will be a great king, just be patient,” his father walked out and Wilhelm flopped on his bed more calm than he could remember being all spring and summer.

__________________________
“So, my dad’s on my side and if it's two against one, you probably won't be queen,” Wilhelm explained, ignoring some paparazzi who had followed them to the park and were being kept away by the bodyguards.

Nathalie leaning back against the bench, eyeing the photographers yelling invasive questions at them, “I'm glad, cause I’m really not prepared for this life of yours.”

“I wasn’t either,” Wilhelm sighed, remembering simpler times, “I hope we will still be friends, even without the crown as a factor,” he questioned.

“Of course.” She tossed her arm over his shoulders in a half-hug that had the camera men shouting again, “You can't get rid of me that easily, consider me your new big sister.” Her smile was shy, and yet Wilhelm leaned into the touch.

“I have had the best big brother in the world, an okay big sister would do in the interim.”

“Hey! Look at you already behaving like my siblings; those absolute brats,” she ruffled his hair, “that includes you too.”

They couldn’t help laughing.

_____________________________

Walking into the house and being immediately greeted by his mother wasn't something he planned on, but she dismissed the guards and waved him toward her office. Entering the office for the second time in so many months was slightly surreal. His father was already sitting in a chair waiting for them.

“So, what's going on?” Wilhelm asked them both.

“What's happening is that you won. I want my royal line to continue, so I'll acquiesce to your demands with some conditions.” Her face and voice were resigned, but Wilhelm was too busy grinning at his father to care much.

Wilhelm straightened his shoulders, “What are your conditions?”, his expression serious.

“First, you shall be the perfect heir from this moment on, no more mistakes. Second, whoever you chose to marry will have to be vetted by me. And third, there shall be no adoptions, only several surrogate born children.” The list concluded, his mother crossed her arms, while Wilhelm thought her words through.

“I cannot promise absolute perfection, if you recall both those fuck-ups were not my fault,” Wilhelm reasoned, “and whoever I marry won’t be entirely chosen by you, that would defeat the purpose of me trying to have a happy marriage, and finally I have no objection to the surrogate condition, do you agree with my revisions?”

She took an angered breath ready to argue, but was interrupted by his Father’s, “Kristina,” and calm expression.

“Very well,” she approached him for a handshake, which Wilhelm gladly took. “We are agreed,” she cemented.

“Now go get dressed; We have the same journalist, Ingela Varli, returning and you WILL refute your words about the abdication, yes?,” she peered at him.

“Of course, I’ll go put on all the bells and whistles,” he bowed to his mother and waved at his father, before walking out with a lightness in his steps.

__________________________
Coming down the steps in a suit and a big smile, he shook Ingela and her cameraman’s hand, before he sat between his parents.

“Well, let's cut to the chase shall we? Prince Wilhelm you wish to take back your words of abdication?,” Ingela asked, “how can we be sure these are your true thoughts and not coerced by your parents?” Ingela wasn’t cowed by his mother’s blank stare.

“I told you I would abdicate IF my parents and I didn’t resolve our differences, needless to say we have. So rest assured, I will remain your crown prince,” Wilhelm corrected, “and while my parents were trying to prevent me from stepping down, I won't have agreed if concessions weren’t made.”

Wilhelm was entirely relaxed, which was obvious to Ingela and would be obvious to their viewers; whatever battle occurred in the royal house Wilhelm had won.

“So what were your reasons to favor abdication?,” Ingela pushed for a concrete answer.

His mother grabbed his arm in warning, but Wilhelm didn’t startle or react to it. Ignoring his mother’s unnecessary move, “Now that things are resolved between us, I believe I will keep that information to myself and that is all I have to say on the subject.”

“In that case, I’ll ask you once more, ‘What are your plans for your 18th birthday?’,” Ingela reluctantly allowed the dropping of the subject, even while taking note of the queen's reaction to the possibility of having his reasons being released.

“I think I would like a party at a park or fair, a place with lots of activities and surrounded by friends and family. I have never been on a rollercoaster or a Ferris wheel. I, very much, look forward to it”. Wilhelm gave an honest answer and made a silent wish that his 18th birthday would be better than his 16th.

Ingela, knowing she'd get no more answers about the aborted abdication, moved on to different questions asking both his parents and himself about different social and political topics.

______________________________

That evening after dinner, Wilhelm sat on his bed holding his phone in his hand, nervous about what he wanted to do. Wilhelm quickly swept through his contact list to land on Simon’s number. He paused, clicked on the profile, and texted:

~ “Hey, I’m ready. Can we talk, please?” Wilhelm stared at his screen for two minutes waiting on the reply, which came in.

~ “Watched your press conference. You have a lot to tell me,” Simon returned.

~ “Can I come see you; take you on a date perhaps?”

~ “A date? In public?,” Simon was pleasantly surprised.

~ “As public as you are willing to make it,” Wilhelm smirked at his phone, imagining Simon’s shock at his new attitude. “I know of a little Ferris wheel down by Forsling lake, I’d love to sit at the top with you.”

Not even a week later and summer vacation almost over, Wilhelm and Simon sat on top of the giant Ferris wheel, looking at the sparkling grounds below them. The couple had spent the day wandering around the fairgrounds, avoiding cameras, holding hands, and clearing the air between the two of them.

Simon even teased Wilhelm that he lied to Ingela, describing his perfect date not birthday to her. It was entirely unsurprising for them to end their date on the now stationary Ferris wheel. And it was only natural for them to kiss while they sat unbothered at the top of the world.