Chapter Text
She sank further into the cushioned seat of the Brightmoon library as boisterous laughter echoed from the courtyard below.
Today marked the 5 year anniversary since the Horde had been defeated. Well, defeat might be a bit of an omission. In reality, the Horde crumbled after its leadership never returned from the portal. They never found out Catra’s fate, but considering what was left of Hordak’s body, Adora didn’t think she could stomach the truth. The truth had turned Hordak into an eviscerated pile of sludge that stained the Fright Zone’s floors. However, the people of Etheria didn’t have to live with the truth. For them, it marked the death of a tyrant as well as his second in command. For Adora, she lost her best friend that day, and now people gather in the streets to celebrate their deaths.
Glimmer had begged Adora to join in on the festivities, claiming that she didn't want to see Adora sulking in the library again this year. Adora wanted to enjoy the celebration, to be free of the guilt that crushed her heart and made it difficult to breathe. However, she couldn’t bear the thought of putting Catra out of her mind, to let herself get lost in the celebrations. If she could, it would mean letting go of Catra for real, and she couldn’t even stomach the thought.
She had constructed a small grave dedicated to Catra atop the Fright Zone: the place they had shared together. She had visited every month for the first year and written dozens of letters to read at her gravestone, but none of it made heartache go away.
As time passed, Adora wrote fewer letters to Catra. The main reason being she didn’t have much to say anymore, nothing that hadn’t already been spoken. However, it also hurt to put herself in that much pain. Instead, she decided to only visit once a year on the day after Catra’s death. She picked the day after to not draw suspicion to herself. No one really knew that she still grieved Catra’s death because she knew her friend’s opinion of the former Force Captain - the very one that had taken Glimmer’s mom from her. Anyways, it was better this way, to grieve alone. She sighed as she glanced down at the half-written letter in her hand.
"I thought I'd find you here." Bow's chipper voice sounded out from the archway leading into the library.
"Yeah," Adora startled, hiding the letter under a stack of papers, "I like the peace and quiet, and partying is so draining. You know what I mean?"
"For the 8 years I have known you, Adora," Bow plopped down in the seat in front of her, "you have never been good at lying."
"That obvious?" Adora sank further into her chair as she picked up the book she was pretending to read.
"Oh big time," Bow laughed.
The two fall silent for a bit while Adora reads the same page over and over.
Bow said, "I am sorry about Glimmer pestering you today, or... uh... I guess all week about the celebration."
"You mean more like all month." Adora sighed at Bow. "It's not that I don't want to attend, it's just..."
"You lost your best friend today."
Adora thought she had come to terms with reality a long time ago, but hearing Bow utter the words rip open the wound and tears start flooding over. “Yeah,” Adora sighed.
"Oh, hey hey" Bow got up from his seat to wrap Adora in a hug, "I am sorry. I didn't make you; I didn't realize it was still hurting you this much."
"No, it's ok," Adora's muffled voice speaks against Bow's shoulder. "I thought I was better too. I have done so much that I couldn't possibly have done 5 years ago. I mean look at all the good we’ve done: rebuilding the Fright Zone, restoring destroyed villages. But it still just hurts."
"They say grief is like an ocean," Bow started before he was quickly interrupted.
"About to drop some of your dads' wisdom on me" Adora attempted to joke through the tears.
"Hey, I promise this is a good one." Bow pulled back from the hug.
"Fine. Ok. Lay it on me."
"Grief is like an ocean full of waves. At first, those waves of grief are so overwhelming it is hard to just breathe. Over time, they get less and less powerful as we learn to live with the grief, but every so often that large tidal wave comes back. It can be triggered by anything: eating their favorite food, seeing something you want to show them, the day they died. It's ok to feel this way Adora from time to time. It's only natural, and it doesn't mean that all that progress you made was wasted." Bow smiled.
"Thanks, Bow.” Adora took a deep breath letting the words sink in. “How are your dads so wise?" Adora teased.
Bow chuckled, "mostly old age plus an addiction to historic philosophers."
"Adora sniffles as she wipes the last tear from her eyes, "How did you know? About Catra”
“You seriously didn’t think I wouldn’t notice you sneaking off to visit her grave? I’d like to think I am a good enough friend to notice when you are grieving.”
“Do the others know?” Adora asked, her voice trembling, thinking about what vile words would escape Glimmer’s mouth if she knew.
That monster took my mother!
If Catra hadn’t died in the portal, I would have killed her myself.
How were you EVER friends with her?
The venom of Glimmer’s anger ripped through Adora’s thoughts.
“I think Scorpia and by extension Perfuma are the only other ones that know.” Bow responded, “and I don’t think you have anything to worry about from them… Scorpia would understand.”
Adora took a deep sigh of relief, “Can you not tell Glimmer about this? I know how much she still hates Catra for what happened with the portal."
Bow mimes zipping his lip and throwing away the key, "wasn't planning on it."
“Thanks, Bow,” Adora wiped the last tear from her eye.
"Can I ask you a question?" Bow's voice is filled with hesitation.
"Sure," Adora said while straightening up in her chair.
"What exactly were you and Catra?"
"Umm," Adora winced, "I don't really know. Looking back on it. It is clear we were more than just friends. I mean we shared a fucking bed together. We did everything together. We promised to stay together forever…” Adora’s gaze shifted from Bow to black expanse outside. “I wish I realized it sooner."
"That you loved her?"
Adora smiled, "yeah... Am I that easy to read?"
"I mean you haven't really been looking for a new relationship and the way you use to follow Catra around the battlefield. It's pretty obvious."
"Do you think she felt the same way?" Adora asked, her voice breaking.
"I don't know if any of us could answer that. The only two that really knew Catra from our group are Entrapta and Scorpia, and they don’t really talk about Catra."
"I mean it's not like it really matters anymore. She's gone, and I am still here." Adora glanced down at the letter poking out of the stack of papers.
Bow reached over, placing a hand on Adora's shoulder. "Either way, I think she cared a lot about you, Adora. Even if she showed it in some pretty awful ways."
Adora chuckled. "I mean she did try destroying the entire world to get back at me."
“That she did. That she did,” Bow smiled as climbed out of his chair, ''alright, I should get back to the festivities before Glimmer starts a search party for me. If you need me, you know where to find me.” Bow crossed the room making way for the exit before taking one last glance at Adora...
"Sure you aren't gonna be busy with your toddler?"
"Can't promise I won't have to emergency change a diaper during the therapy session, but I can promise my time. Goodnight Adora."
"'Night Bow."
After Bow slipped out into the darkness of the hallway, Adora turned her gaze to the festivities below. Hundreds of lights danced on the ground below as the last rays of sunlight dipped behind the horizon, and for a while, she let herself be lulled into the rhythmic patterns of the world below as her focus drifted towards the night sky. I thought crept into her mind as she stared into the empty void, and she began to write.