Archive of Our Own ^beta

Evil. Conniving. The root of anything bad that had ever happened to Lance. Gremlin. Lance could go on and on about how Pidge went out of their way to cause him pain. And today was no exception.

“Just admit you have no game, Lance, it’s ok,” Pidge mocked.

Hunk snorted and Lance glared at them.

“I have game! It’s you who has no game!”

“I don’t want to have any game,” they said. “I’m very content with my single life, it’s you who’s gonna be sad when you end up an old man who only has his cats for company.”

Lance scratched Blue behind her ear absentmindedly. Hunk let out a loud “Aha!” as he overtook Pidge in Mario Kart. 

“Whatever. I have game, and you can’t handle that fact. I’m actually talking to someone right now,” Lance lied.

Pidge paused the game and they both turned to look at Lance, amused surprise on Pidge’s face, confusion on Hunks.

“You didn’t tell me you were speaking to anyone,” he said.

“I was gonna tell you later.”

Pidge narrowed their eyes in suspicion. “Call them.”

Lance’s face heated up. “What?”

“Prove it. Call them now.”

Lance grabbed his phone and unlocked it. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Pidge is looking at him with a smug grin. They know he’s lying. He goes into his contacts and scrolls to the one person’s contact who he could pass off as someone he’s speaking to. The contact had the name Shortstack with a bunch of obnoxious heart emojis after it. Lance hovered his thumb over the call button.

“What’s wrong, Lance? Can’t find their contact?” Pidge asked.

Lance glared at her and turned the phone around so they could see it. “I’ve found it.”

He hit call before he could back out and brought the phone to his ear. Pidge still looked smug and Hunk just looked even more confused.

After five rings, someone picked up.

“Hello?” Keith’s voice said through the phone.

“H-Hey, Keira,” Lance said shakily.

“What’s going on, Lance?”

“What it be, girl?” Lance fumbled for more stuff to say. Both Pidge and Hunk looked like they were going to burst into laughter. “What you got going on, ma? It’s the freakin’ weekend.” Lance shot them a fake smug smile.

“Did you just call me girl?”

“A-Are you wearing something sexy?” Lance internally cringed as his face heated up. Pidge let out a snort.

“Just a t-shirt and jeans, like always.”

“Oh, you got jeans on, baby? Are they tight?” Hunk finally broke down and started laughing. That then set Pidge off so the two of them were rolling around on the sofa, laughing their heads off.

Keith hummed in thought. “They’re a little loose, I buy them big.”

“Those jeans sound sexy,” Lance purred, grinning at his friends. Ok, he couldn’t lie, this was kind of fun.

Keith paused for a moment. “Is everything alright? Do you wanna hang out more, Keith?”

“You taking- you taking care of that ass for me?” he asked. Pidge lost it even more, falling on the floor with how hard she was laughing.

“I mean, I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less packet ramen.”

“Stop- Please! It’s too much,” Pidge shrieked, holding their stomach.

“Is that Pidge in the background?”

“Ok! Gotta go now!” Lance said hurriedly.

“Wait, did you prank call me? What’s going on?”

Lance quickly hung up the phone, his face on fire. Pidge and Hunk just laughed louder.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. But I told you I was speaking to someone.”

The two calmed down.

“You’re right, I’m sorry for doubting you,” Pidge conceded. 

“Thank you.”

The two went back to their game. After a few moments though, Pidge spoke again.

“So, how long have you and Keith been talking?” they asked.

Lance’s face heated up again. “How did you know it was him?” he all but yelled.

Pidge snorted as Hunk started laughing again.

“Oh please, like I didn’t realise you had changed his contact to that ages ago.” They glanced at Lance with a grin. “Besides, you had the same face you have whenever you speak to Keith.”

Lance frowned. “What face?”

“You know,” Hunk joined in. “The whole, heart-eyes, big lovesick grin where you’re totally imagining your wedding in your mind.”

Lance squeaked as they started laughing again. “It’s not funny!”

“So, you admit I’m right? That you have no game and are so hung up on Keith that you couldn’t be talking to someone else,” Pidge said, smug grin once again returning to their face.

He folded his arms grumpily. “I have game, but I’m not speaking to anyone.”

“Because you’re so hung up on Keith.”

“That’s classified.”

Pidge snorted as Hunk groaned.

“How did you win? You were talking to Lance the whole time!” Hunk complained.

Pidge shrugged. As she did so, there was a knock at the door. Lance frowned and Blue lept of his lap to rush over there. He followed and found Red already at the door as well.

He opened the door to find Keith standing there, a frown on his face and panting heavily. He wasn’t even wearing a coat and was dripping wet from the rain.

Lance’s mouth fell open in shock. “Did you run here?”

“That was a prank call, right?” Keith asked, completely ignoring his question.

“Yeah, it was. Pidge was being a dick. Aren’t you cold?”

“Freezing. I thought so, you were acting really weird.”

Red circled Keith’s ankles, meowing loudly. 

“That still doesn’t explain why you ran all the way here, in the rain, without even a coat on!”

Keith shrugged, as if it were no big deal. “It wasn’t that far of a run. Can I come in?”

Lance stepped to the side so he could walk into the apartment. “If you don’t, I’m not dragging your sorry ass to hospital when you get pneumonia or some shit like that.”

Keith grinned and ran a hand through his soaking wet hair as he walked past Lance. “Thanks. Hey, guys!” He called out to Pidge and Hunk.

Pidge just waved a hand, already starting to get ready for the next game. Hunk turned and gave a wave. “Hi, Keith.”

Keith went to walk over to them but Lance grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the bathroom. “Absolutely not, you are not soaking my sofas. No sir.”

“Then where can I go?”

“You can go have a shower and I’ll lend you some clean clothes, you heathen.”

Keith chuckled and pulled his shirt off as he walked into the bathroom. “Ok then.”

Lance stood in the hallway, looking at the closed door for a moment, his mouth dry, his face hot and his mind replaying the image of Keith without a shirt on. He shook his head and went and grabbed some clothes for him. He left them outside the door, knocking and letting Keith know before walking back and collapsing on the sofa.

Pidge snorted. “He ran all the way here in the rain when he could’ve just called you?”

Lance groaned. “Yes.”

“Nice to know he’s got it just as bad as you do.”

Lance glared and threw a pillow at them. “Shut up.”