Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tattoos. Sarah Manning was drowning in them. But drowning, she thought, in a good way. It was a nice break from the hustling, the con-artistry that she’d done for so long. She was happy with her tattoos. She loved coming up with concepts for them, she loved giving them, she loved getting them, and she loved the people that got them.

Growing up, it had always been her brother Felix that was the artist, at least, the conventional type. Sarah loved nothing more than messing with him, though, and one day, she stole his sketchbook and decided to doodle in it. Her grand plan to ruin his life backfired, unfortunately, since he wouldn’t stop complimenting her skill after that. To make him shut up and, she supposed, to make an honest living, she finally buckled up and got a job. At a tattoo parlor.

Sarah had very quickly gotten into a routine. A routine of work, a routine of breaks, and well, a routine of clientele. There was a certain type of person that came into the shop on the daily. They had dyed, crazy hair, they usually had more than one tattoo already, and they dressed like they were going to a Clash concert, much like Sarah herself. These people knew what they were doing when they walked in. They were pros at getting tattoos, and Sarah barely had to do any work with these types.

Sarah and her fellow artist, Cosima, loved to make bets on what each customer would request. The big, burly men got mom hearts, the hipster chicks got anchors, it was nearly all the same.

Until her.

Sarah had the shop to herself that day because Cosima was out on a blind date or something.

Since no one was coming in, she was bored out of her mind. She was trying to decide whether or not to add to her wrist tattoo and give her crescent moon a star companion, when her thoughts were rudely interrupted.

The bell rang, the door swung open, and the click-clack of heels announced a woman’s presence.

Sarah walked out to the front, the decision made for her.

She was immediately taken aback by the woman standing before her. She had a severely cut blonde bob, expertly done makeup, a tightly fitting black skirt and a blazer. She looked, Sarah thought, like she belonged in a corporate office of some kind, or maybe on the cover of a magazine. Not, you know, in a tattoo shop like this. But what stood out the most was the intensity of her gaze. The woman stared Sarah down like she was trying to burn a hole in her face with her eyes alone.

If Sarah was being 100% honest with herself, she was totally terrified and just a little turned on.

“Oi, I’m Sarah,” she managed to get out, her voice cracking a little. “What can I do for ya today?”

The woman tilted her head ever so slightly, “A violin. A large, incredibly detailed one, on my back.”

Sarah nodded slowly, then once again. “Yeah. You got a drawing or you want me to do one?”

“You know what a violin looks like, I presume.” It wasn’t a question. And well, Sarah was offended.

“It’s better to have a reference,” Sarah answered, brushing off the attitude with some of her own. It was also better if someone came in with a very specific picture, or requested one custom done. In, you know, advance.

The woman rolled her eyes, pulled out her phone, and flashed the screen at Sarah, who grabbed the phone from her hands.

“This is beautiful… “ She whispered, looking at the photo of the violin. “Is it yours?”

Blondie nodded curtly. “I play in the symphony.”

“ ‘Course.” A musician, huh? Not a corporate bitch? Interesting. “You want, like, a real lookin’ one or what?”

“Whatever works the best for you,” the business clad woman replied.

Sarah pulled out her sketchbook and sat down at the front desk. “Gimme a minute, yeah? I want to practice this once so I don’t muck it up.”

After a couple of minutes of outlining, Sarah became aware that her customer was still standing at the desk, staring at her intently. Which, you know, was only a little bit disconcerting. “Alright, you’ve got to fill these out,” she told her, handing her forms. “And you can sit righ’ over there,” she finished, pointing to the red leather chairs by the door.

Someone had shut off the shop’s Pandora station that morning, and Sarah, bothered by the silence but too lazy to turn it back on, slipped her earbuds in. She blasted Florence & the Machine’s new album, even though she well knew it wasn’t punk. But hey, it helped her concentrate. It also helped with blocking out all the crazy, wild thoughts about the new customer, thoughts Sarah could certainly do without.

With the music on and the fire in her veins, Sarah couldn’t resist adding detail to her sketch. A lot of it. What started out as a simple, fairly realistic violin turned into an explosion of artistry in a watercolor style. Sarah knew she was getting ahead of herself, she knew her customer wouldn’t like it, but honestly she couldn’t stop herself. She was inspired.

After what felt like an age, she finished her sketch and looked up.

Her client’s eyes met hers and she felt a chill run down her spine. There was that intense gaze again. This time, though, it was a curious one, an interested one.

“Have you finished?”

Sarah nodded. “You got those papers?”

The woman nodded as well and handed them to her.

Sarah checked them over quickly, noting that her client’s name was Rachel Duncan.  “Can I see ID?”

Rachel sighed and pulled out her wallet. She handed her driver’s license over and winced a little, which Sarah had to admit looked strange coming from her.

“What?” Sarah asked, taking the card and checking it over.

“That photo is clearly a poor representation of my appearance.” Rachel informed her, sounding genuinely ticked off.

“Is it cuz you’re smilin’ in it?” Sarah asked, merely joking. She herself found nothing wrong with the picture.

Rachel sighed again. “Yes.”

Sarah could only laugh. “Look, Rachel, is it? You look great in this photo. Which is sayin’ somethin’ cuz everyone looks shite in their licence pics. You got lucky.” Wow there, Manning. Slow down. It’s not honesty hour, she thought to herself.

Rachel nodded her head slightly in acknowledgement but did not respond.

They avoided each other’s gaze for a few moments before Sarah cleared her throat. The tension in the room was making her incredibly uncomfortable. She held up the sketch, and asked, “Is this alright?”

The violinist grabbed the notebook from her hands and scrutinized it. She held the paper close to her face, scanning it meticulously. It felt to Sarah as though she were actively searching for a flaw, for some way to shut Sarah down. “It’ll do.” The words were sharp and cut through the air like a blade.

“Look, if you’re not-” Sarah began, but was cut off by Rachel.

“I said, it’ll do.”

“Right then.” Sarah honestly didn’t know what to feel. Every one of her customers had been so much more outgoing and conversational than this one, and she wasn’t used this kind of abrupt attitude. The tattoo artist was used to being the brutally honest one, the harsh one. She could dish it out but she couldn’t take it, it seemed.

After going over pricing and all the stuff that made Sarah want to shoot herself in the face, she then had to take another age and a half to copy the design onto stencil paper. Finally, they were ready to prep. To prep! Sarah loved her art, but the paperwork, the prep and the money part of it she could honestly do without. All she wanted to do was sketch, and draw on people. Was that too much to ask? If Cosima had been there, Sarah could’ve bribed her into it. But the shop was Sarah’s that night, and that meant the responsibilities were hers too.

“Alright, Rachel, you’re gonna have to take off your top,” Sarah told her, once they were in one of the back rooms. “I’m gonna wash and shave your back so we don’t have any issues.”

Rachel fixed her gaze on Sarah again. “You want me to take off my top?” She asked incredulously.

“You want the tattoo on your back?”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Obviously.”

“Then the top comes off. Can’t tattoo through fabric, can I? Look, it’s my job. I do this all the time, and oh right-- I’m a woman too!” Sarah shook her head. She hadn’t meant to snap at the other lady, though snapping was her instinct. She felt like a spring that was coiled too tightly.

“Of course,” Rachel whispered, the softest Sarah had heard her speak. She unbuttoned her blazer, spun the other way, and pulled her blouse over her head.

Sarah could not help but notice how toned the other woman was. She definitely worked out. Or maybe playing the violin was a hell of a lot more demanding than Sarah thought. She  had to reprimand herself, though. She was at work, for Christ’s sake, and besides, she didn’t even like girls. Rachel was just… nice looking, was all. And very intimidating.

Carefully, and with a steady, gloved, hand, Sarah washed, shaved, and washed (again) Rachel’s back. Not that she had much hair to take care of anyway. There were guys who wanted tattoos on their backs and their masses of hair were literally repulsive. Rachel, on the other hand… her back was smooth, and sculpted and-- Sarah had to catch her runaway thoughts before they wandered into forbidden territory. Thoughts like how Rachel might look from the front. Nope. None of those

They didn’t talk, not at all. Sarah had left an earbud in, though, and so let Nirvana drown out the silence.

Once she’d finished, she told Rachel she was going to stencil the tattoo.

Rachel turned her head to look at Sarah. “You’re going to what?”

“I’ve got the thing on transfer paper, and I’m gonna stick in on you, so you can see what it’ll look like and so I can tattoo you proper. It’s like a temporary tattoo, a bit.”

“Ah.”

Speed stick was the trick, or at least it was in their parlor. It got the stencil to stay, and if you scraped it right, not to smear.

Sarah scaped it right everytime.

The violin, in nearly all its glory, was imprinted onto Rachel’s back, exactly where Sarah would tattoo. That is, if Rachel was satisfied with it.

“Oi, Rachel,” Sarah called, grabbing a mirror from the wall. “Take a look at it for me, will ya? If it’s not righ’ you’re gonna have to tell me, cuz this is your last chance.”

Rachel whipped her head around to see the mirror, her short hair following the trajectory in a graceful arc. This time, instead of looking for a flaw in the image, she seemed to be appreciating the work. Her features were open, honest, and Sarah felt like she was seeing something not many people were privileged to.

“How is it?” Sarah asked quietly.

And like a door slamming shut, Rachel closed right back up. “Do continue,” she spoke, her voice flat and emotionless.

“Yeah. ‘Course.”

Sarah, despite being miffed at Rachel’s tone, was actually excited. This, this, is what she lived for. After waiting all night, she was actually gonna get to do her job. Her tools were clean, her latex gloves were fresh, and this was the coolest design she’d done in ages. “You ready for this, Rachel?”

“I believe I am,” she answered carefully.

“Me too. If it gets too much you let me know, yeah? I don’t want none of that stoic business. Not that you got anything to worry about. I’m a pro.”

Rachel’s nod was barely perceptible.

Outlines first, always outlines first. She put the needle in the machine, cracked her neck, and grinned a wild grin. Sarah placed her left hand, her guiding hand, on Rachel’s back, and with her right, began to work.

She couldn’t wipe the smile off of her face if she tried. She loved this.

And when she was happy, Sarah Manning got to talking. Never mind her customer was a brooding bitch, Sarah was gonna talk anyway. Besides, it was the silence she hated, and she was getting sick of her music.

“So, why’d you want a tattoo?” She asked, carefully outlining one of the tuning pegs.

Rachel took a long time to answer. And when she did, she took Sarah by surprise. “I had to get one. I lost a bet. Well, more of a game.”

Sarah barked a laugh. “Did’ ya? What game was it?”

Another long pause. “Agricola.”

At that, Sarah had to put down her needle, she was shaking with laughter. “My friend Cosima plays that. It’s a nerd game, isn’t it? Something like... “

“Medieval farming.”

Sarah giggled again, picking her tools back up and going back to work. “Can’t quite picture that.”

“The bassoonist, Scott, made me do it. He and his oboe player friend said I’d be good at it, and well… I… I am. But that game was a fluke.”

“A fluke, eh?” Sarah was trying to visualize Rachel playing the game, this time with a few nerdy musicians at her side. “What happened?”

“My goat died.”

Sarah had to take several deep breaths to keep herself from laughing again.

“It’s not humorous,” Rachel scolded her, sounding offended.

“It kinda is.”

This time, it was Rachel who let out a laugh. “I suppose it is. But only a little.”

“Okay, Miss Agricola, tell me more about your musical life,” Sarah said, feeling lucky that Rachel’d even shared this much.

“I don’t socialize much with the other instrumentalists,” she confessed. “They think I see myself above them.”

“Do you?”

“A bit.”

Sarah tried to keep a straight face, she really did. It didn’t last. “C’mon, even I know if you’re in an orchestra, you gotta work well with others.”

Rachel sighed, her back shifting under Sarah’s hand. Thanking God the needle hadn’t been in, Sarah cracked her neck again.

“I figured as much. So, when Scott offered to teach me the game…”

“You accepted, no matter how degrading.”

“Precisely. It is helping.”

“Good.”

Silence fell again, but this time, Sarah didn’t feel the need to fill it. It wasn’t a scary quiet, somehow. It was a peaceful one.

She finished outlining soon after, and switched to her shading needles. “So what is the appeal of Agricola?”

“Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. Perhaps it’s just that I’ve always enjoyed a challenge.”

“How do you play?” She asked, thinking that Cosima would be pissed she didn’t ask her.

Rachel launched into a detailed explanation of the game, which Sarah tried her best to follow. Despite its complexity, she found she loved listening to Rachel going on and on. It was cute. She was genuinely excited about the thing. And when she finished, Sarah wanted her to continue.

“So, what about violin?”

“What about it?”

“Why’d ya start it?” Sarah asked, hoping this answer would be as long as the last.

“My father made me.”

There went that. “How come?”

“He played stringed bass, my mother played viola, my grandmother played cello, it was just what the Duncans do,” Rachel replied. Her voice had lost its excited quality.

“Do you… like it?” It was dumb question, Sarah thought, since the woman was literally getting one permanently adhered to her back. But there was a story there, she could tell.

“Yes,” Rachel told her, and Sarah could almost hear the smile in her voice. “Yes I do.”

“That’s good, then!” Sarah exclaimed, happy to hear that Rachel was happy.

“It took me ages. When I was little, I used to dread lessons. But I grew to love them, in time, just as I grew to love the instrument. It-- this is going to sound ridiculous--”

“No, no! Go on!”

“It gets me. Somehow,” she finished quietly, almost as though she were ashamed to say it.

Sarah thought it made perfect sense. It was, after all, how she felt about tattooing. “Well, I’d love to hear you play someday.”

“Someday.”

The comfortable silence fell again and Sarah smiled a little to herself. So the corporate bitch had a heart, did she?

When she was done shading, she stood up. “Break time.”

She handed Rachel a towel to cover her front with, and told her she could get up and stretch if she wanted to.

“Thank you.”

Sarah herself went to the front and checked her phone. She had about a million texts from Cosima. She didn’t have time to read all of them, but what she saw was:

----SARAH SHE’S FRENCH! Her name is Delphine and she just moved here, and she’s bi, and her accent is so cute!

----Oh shit she’s hot. Oh SHIT!

----SARAH! What should I do what should I do oh my goDddDDDdd

----I THINK she MIGHT like me!!!!!

Sarah laughed at her phone, and only sent back:

----she def likes u. don’t get 2 knackered on the first date and don’t kiss her yet. make her wrk 4 it

The response came right away.

----Too late.

Sarah didn’t ask whether it was the drinking or the kissing that Cosima hadn’t waited for. She knew. She shut off her phone, shaking her head. If Cosima came in singing the next day, Sarah was never gonna stop teasing her about it. It was about damn time Cosima found someone. It made her quit trying to set Sarah up with people.

Sarah stopped in the bathroom and splashed her face with cold water. She needed to refocus on that violin, because was she gonna start coloring.

“What about you?” Rachel asked after she had begun.

“What about me?”

“Well,” she hesitated. “What are you passions?”

“My kid.” Sarah responded without skipping a beat. “My daughter, Kira. When I’m not doing this, I’m with her. I-” she paused, wondering why she suddenly wanted to share her life story with this mysterious customer. “I left her, with my foster mum, for around 10 months. And not a day goes by I don’t regret that. So I guess, I… I’m making up for lost time.”

Rachel make no move to speak right away. Sarah could tell that she was processing her words, was weighing them carefully.  “How old is she?”

“She’s eight. Smart as a whip, too, you’d think she’d gone to uni or somthin.’”

Rachel chuckled. “She sounds lovely. It’s very good of you, to try to stay back in her life. I’ll bet that makes her very happy.”

Sarah smiled a cheek shattering smile, and felt a blush rising in her cheeks. “Thanks. That means a lot.”

“Of course.”

If she hadn’t been in the tattoo chair, Sarah thought, Rachel would have dipped her head in that demure way.

Sarah switched colors, stretching a little.

Rachel spoke again. “You have a foster mother?”

“At this point, Siobhan's like my real mum. Same as my foster brother, Felix. They’re the only family I knew as a kid, and the only ones I got now, besides Kira, of course.”

“That sounds terribly lonely, to not know your true family,” Rachel’s voice was soft and gentle, two words Sarah never would have used to describe her when she first walked in.

“You know, it was, for a long while. But I love ‘em. And I’m happy now.”

“That’s good, then.” Rachel’s words mirrored Sarah’s from earlier. She couldn’t help but wonder if Rachel… if Rachel… nope. Not going there.

Sarah worked her way through the color palette steadily and carefully. And as she did, Rachel continued to converse with her. They talked about music, children, family, and tattoos. Sarah told her story of how she got started, and it made Rachel laugh.

It was a sound Sarah was growing to love, and she found herself looking for ways to get Rachel to make it again.

When she finally finished the tattoo, it was with a heavy heart. She didn’t want to part Rachel’s company, she wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

She held up the mirror again for her client to see. “So here it is, in the flesh.”

Rachel gasped. A real, true, smile spread across her cheeks. She looked as though she were going to cry. “Thank you. It is the most beautiful thing that anyone has ever done for me.”

While people often said nice things to Sarah after she’d finished, she’d never gotten a compliment quite like that. She got the feeling that not many people tried to get past Rachel’s icy exterior, and knew they were all missing out.  “It was an honor.” And really, it was. Because while Rachel’s compliment had come from her heart, that violin had come right out of Sarah’s. She’d breathed life into it for Rachel, and it was unlike anything she’d ever created.

Sarah wrapped up her tattoo in bandages, with instructions to remove them after two to three hours. After Rachel’d put her clothes back on, she gave her a long, pre-typed up list of other important tattoo care, and walked her to the front. And then she sighed.

Rachel studied her carefully, and pulled out a card from her pocket. She twirled it around in her fingers for a moment, saying nothing. Then, she pressed it to her red stained lips, and passed it to Sarah. Without another word, she slipped out the door, and was gone into the night.

The card read:

Rachel Duncan

Principal Violinist

589-451-0094

[email protected]

and on the back was a fresh imprint of a kiss. Sarah half nodded to herself, and when Rachel was well out of hearing, screamed like a schoolgirl, and texted Cosima immediately.

Chapter Text

Rachel Duncan was bored nearly out of her mind. A rehearsal had been called last minute, and she sat, violin in her lap, just waiting for the conductor to arrive. It was her responsibility to tune the orchestra, as the principal violinist, but she’d done that when she arrived. Any late comers had to suffer. Her phone, from its place tucked into her violin case, buzzed.

hey u left ur card so i thought id text. its sarah from the tattoo place.

Rachel couldn’t stop the little flutter in her heart when she saw that. She had been obsessively checking her phone for three days, just waiting for something, anything, from the bold, punk, tattoo artist. Perhaps, she'd thought, she'd come on too strong. She knew she had an intimidating effect on people. But then, she'd thought, maybe she hadn't been clear enough. Maybe, instead of kissing her card, she should have just kissed Sarah. But then that would have been very strong indeed. At any rate, it didn't matter now. Sarah was texting her!

Hello, Sarah.

so whats up?

Currently at rehearsal

oh shit sorry ill text l8r

No, no, it’s quite alright. I’m so bored.

same. only 1 cstmr 2day. had 2 shave his nastyass back hair. not nice 2 look at either.

Rachel let out an ungodly snort. It had attracted the attention of others in her orchestra, and they looked at her as though she had three heads. But it had been worth it.

I’ll have you know the laughing sound I just produced caused three trumpeters to glare in my general direction.

rach r u even allowed 2 have ur phone out? (and good. im proud.)

Not… technically… no.

:D fun shit. dont get caught. dont want 2 be responsible 4 that

You wouldn’t be.

good. lol

Rachel fancied herself a put together woman. She always felt like she knew exactly what to say, exactly how to say it, and that effortlessness was what had gotten her so far in her life. But with Sarah Manning, somehow, she was undone. And usually quite often at a loss for words. Thankfully, she remembered the tattoo, and how much she loved it. At first, she thought it perhaps too bold, too loud. But it had grown on her, just as Sarah herself had, and she found herself treasuring it.

The tattoo is perfectly lovely, by the way. Couldn’t stop admiring it.

thx. it was one of my nicer cstmrs

-*works

Was that… a compliment? Rachel decided to take it as one.

Both, I think.

;) yep. so tell me all about ur inferior musicians

I’ve just been spit on by a trombone player. Scott is making faces at me from across the room, attempting to tell me to put my phone away. The violas are out of tune. Again. The conductor isn’t even in sight.

spit back

-like a llama

Rachel giggled again. In her mind, she saw herself spitting at the trombone player, and gleefully imagined his rage. But she would never, and told Sarah so.

What do you take me for?

o right u’d go the whole high and mighty route and spit like an alpaca

… Right.

so my nerd friend cosima said she knows scott. theyre probably in a cult of nerds together or something. tell him hi 4 her

Rachel glanced over at her friend. While earlier he had seemed to be keen on keeping her out of trouble, now he was… talking to his instrument? She shook her head.

I think he’s too preoccupied with his bassoon. This is the third time he’s stroked it in the past five minutes. But I will after.

kinky.

Quite.

u do any violin stroking lately

This time, Rachel caught her laughter before it ruined her reputation completely. Clearly, she knew, Sarah was being sarcastic. And so, she played along.

Not recently, no.

2 bad.

Perhaps.

-...You?

--….With your tattoo needles and the like?

yesterday, in fact.

Incredible.

o it was.

Glad to hear it.

A long pause followed. She set her phone down on the music stand, and plucked the strings of her violin. She had a solo in “This is Halloween” that she was close to mastering, and practicing without the bow, or pizzicato, was extremely helpful.

Her phone buzzed again, and she was embarrassed at how quickly she picked it up.

oi whens ur next show? would luv 2 c u play

Tuesday evening, 6 p.m. We’re doing Danny Elfman. The music from Tim Burton’s movies.

OH kira loves the burton shit. should i bring her? can kids come?

Certainly. If you wait after I can meet you?

oh hell yeah. maybe i can take u 2 food afterward  ;)

Sarah wanted to see her play! Sarah wanted her to meet her daughter! Sarah wanted to take her to dinner! Rachel had to take a deep breath to keep from embarrassing herself in front of her peers.

That… would be lovely, thank you. Would Kira be joining us at dinner?

naw ill bring fee and he can take her home. shes got an early bedtime

Is Fee your brother?

felix, yeah, he’s super gr8. super gay and super sweet.

Super all around, then.

yeah hes my super baby bro boob

Rachel chucked, and still smiling, texted back.

Your what, exactly?

super

-baby

--bro

---boob

I see.

Another short pause. Then:

do u have any super sibs? or even regular sibs?

None. I’m an only.

figured. got any pets?

Birds. Two parakeets. Purebred. Two years old and five years old respectively. Sherringford and Osmund Duncan.

Rachel loved her birds, though she admitted she had a tendency to overshare.

u… keep… birds…

What if she doesn’t like birds? What if she’s allergic to birds? What if she thinks Rachel’s odd?

Yes, is that a problem?

no just weird is all.

Yep. It was the last one.

Is it? How so?

i was thinking more like cat or dog. but birds. cool. i guess.

Do you have one of those?

i think kira would like a dog but siobhans against it. shes doesnt want pets cuz she says that fee and kira and me r 2 much 2 take care of already. plus shedding.

Naturally. She sounds like a smart woman.

she is. seriously how r u even able 2 text this much tho? u do anything productive over there?

Rachel looked up and glanced around. It was complete and utter chaos. She thought these were professional musicians, not imbeciles. But she couldn’t talk. She wasn’t exactly on her best behavior either.

Yes! A bit. Today is, it seems, an off day. For everyone.

4 u 2?

Earlier that morning, perhaps. Rachel’s natural state was unsatisfied, and so she often felt ‘off.’ But Sarah distracted her from that, almost entirely.

Not… not since talking to you, no.

u got me blushing. cosima wont stop laughin. and making fun of me. im gonna have to kill her. if i go to jail its ur fault.

I would gladly take the blame if it meant saving you.

Why in God’s name had she sent that? Rachel was the most self-serving bitch she knew, and had no idea what had possessed her to offer herself in Sarah’s place. Even if it was simply in jest.

eh jails not that bad. i was there for a little once. petty crimes, wasted youth and the like. but im honored u offered.

I see. Is she still laughing?

YES. mostly cuz im still blushing. the damn pink color wont leave my cheeks. damn u.

My most sincere apologies.

accepted. wait. damn it.

What?

cosima is STILL bein a little brat. i cant even tell you what shes on about

Rachel idly wondered to herself if this Cosima thought Rachel had feelings for Sarah. Then she was immediately paralyzed by the fact that she did have feelings for Sarah. Rachel Duncan did not have feelings. Or, she tried very hard not to. Sarah was, it seemed, an extreme exception. 

Try me.

damn it all to hell. alright. so the night u were in she went on a blind date with this chick delphine. and she wants the 4 us 2 hang out. so she can meet u and i can meet del.

Good Lord. Cosima did think Rachel was gay.

Like… a double date?

yeah kinda like that. a bit. i dunno.

Rachel selected her words carefully in her reply.

That doesn’t sound like something worth damning it all to hell for. Does it to you?

 … not a bit. no. just thought… that you didn’t… never mind.

Her heart was beating so loudly, she was certain the second chair violinist could hear her.

She was about to do something very brave.

If it’s attraction you were talking about, then yes I feel it. To you. I mean.

-If not then COMPLETELY disregard the last message.

omg.

That, Rachel thought, was not a clear response. She buried her phone in her bag, desperately ignoring the buzzes. She only lasted a minute.

really?

-rachel you better not be messin w/ me

--RACHEL

I knew I should have kept it to myself.

no! christ! no no im glad u told me! cuz i do. i like u 2.

Do you?

The conductor stuck his head out from backstage. He looked almost bewildered, like he had forgotten he’d called his orchestra together.

yes.

Rachel nearly screamed. Yes, yes, she did like Sarah, and yes, yes, it was that way, and yes, yes! Sarah liked her too. And they couldn’t even talk about it, since Rachel had to actually participate now.

Oh look, the conductor’s finally arrived. Fuck. I’ll text you later. And see you Tuesday?

She waited for the response before tucking her phone away.

oh yeah. for sure. ;D  (i c you cursing, rachel duncan. i c it and i approve)

Rachel couldn’t stop herself from smiling for the rest of the day.

Chapter Text

u nervous?

Sarah and Rachel had texted so often in the past few days, it felt completely natural to send her something now. Even though they were going to see each other as soon the show was over.

Not in the least. Put your phone away! Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to have your phone out at a concert?

Kira read the text over Sarah’s shoulder and giggled. “She’s right, Mommy. She’s gonna walk out soon and you’re going to miss it cuz you’re looking at your phone.”

Sarah shut off her phone, looked up at Kira, and threw her hand over her heart, pretending to be wounded. “Ouch. My own kid turns against me!”

Kira giggled again, then wrapped her arms around Sarah. “I would never!”

“You’re right, Monkey. We’re a team. You, me, and-” Sarah looked over at Felix, who was also on his phone. She reached past Kira to whack him playfully on the back of the head. “You, me, and this clown over here.”

“Oi!” He exclaimed. “What was that for?”

Sarah waved her hand at the dimming lights. “Show’s starting, git.”

He rolled his eyes, but shut off his phone anyway.

Sarah smiled, glad Fee and Kira had come. It wasn’t just that she wanted them to meet Rachel. She did, she totally did. But she was terrified of acting like a complete dumbass around the violinist, and her family was good at keeping her smart. They also knew how important this night was to Sarah.

She didn’t go on dates, hardly ever. Her last boyfriend (and that was a loose term) had been Vic the Dick, and their dates were more drug runs than anything else. And when she was dating Kira’s father, she’d been conning him the whole time. Even if she had actually liked the guy.

In other words, Sarah was a total newbie. She didn’t date girls and she didn’t date. But Rachel, Rachel made her want to. There was something about her, hell, even her texts, that Sarah found completely irresistible.

Rachel had told her, that in a formal orchestra setting, the musicians walk out first, the choir next, then the principal violinist, and then the conductor. And she had told Sarah explicitly not to cheer, that clapping was the only acceptable form of appreciation.

Sarah passed this information along to Felix and Kira, who both pouted. “But we’re gonna clap extra loud for Rachel, right?” Sarah asked.

“Right.” Kira nodded, a serious expression on her adorable features.

“Yeah, I guess.” Felix sat back in the seat and crossed his arms. “Can’t believe the first concert we’re taking Kira to is the bloody symphony. I’ll bet I can play piano better than their guy.”

Sarah laughed. This was definitely not their usual scene, that was for sure. She was even wearing a dress, and had actually bothered to wipe the smudged makeup from under her eyes.

The musicians began to file out, taking their seats and holding their instruments completely still. They all sat up perfectly straight, and Sarah couldn’t find a hair out of place if she tried. They continued to fill up the seats until there was only one empty. Rachel’s. Then the choir walked out, filling up the black bleachers behind the orchestra. It seemed to Sarah that they were taking extra long to piss her off specifically.

Then finally, finally, the principal violinist strode out. And she looked good. The three of them clapped like mad, a stark contrast to the polite smattering of applause heard everywhere else. Sarah savored every click Rachel’s heels made as she walked across the stage, admired the way her black dress clung to her curves, and grinned wildly at the confidence she exuded.

“She’s very pretty, Mommy,” Kira whispered once Rachel had taken her seat.

“I think so too, Monkey.”

They clapped for the conductor too, when he walked out, but not nearly as enthusiastically.

And then, the show began.

Sarah could safely say she’d never seen anything like it. Though it was not quite the type of music she listened to, she recognized most of the songs from watching the movies over and over with Kira.

Every time she looked down at her daughter, Kira was wearing a giant smile. When they played the theme from Beetlejuice, Kira shook Sarah’s arm, and motioned for her to bring her ear closer.

“It’s your favorite, isn’t it?” Sarah whispered to her instead.

“Yes.” Kira nodded, and Sarah couldn’t help but grin at the excitement on her child’s face.

Even Felix looked like he was having fun.

As for Sarah herself, her eyes were mostly trained on Rachel. Her chair was near to the edge of the stage, right close to the middle, so Sarah couldn’t miss her if she tried. Sarah was enraptured, quite honestly. Every time Rachel had a solo, she had to physically stop herself from cheering out loud. It was like… Rachel could talk, just like anyone else. But when she played, that was communication on a whole other level. Sarah just couldn’t figure out how to describe it. Maybe it was her soul talking, or it was some kind of magic. Whatever it was, Rachel pulled the audience into her world, into the emotions Sarah was sure she didn’t display on her face. And she was damn honored to hear it.

At intermission, they went out to the lobby. There were snacks, flowers, and drinks being sold. “Want anything, Kira?”

“Not really. But Mommy, you have to get Rachel flowers.” She pulled Sarah over to the flower table and pointed at a bouquet of red roses. “Get those ones.”

“Monkey, those are the really romantic ones!” Sarah told her, laughing.

“I know.” Kira raised an eyebrow, a move Sarah knew she’d picked up from Mrs. S, and refused to change her mind.

Sarah sighed. “Fine.”

They headed back inside, Sarah holding the flowers, and Kira nearly skipping as they went.

At the last note of the last song, Sarah, Kira and Felix launched to their feet, the first of the audience to offer a standing ovation. From her position on the stage, Rachel flipped her head at the audience, saw them, and smiled.

It wasn’t long until everyone was on their feet, and Sarah had never clapped louder in her entire life.

They waited for Rachel in the lobby, and Sarah listened as Kira went on and on about how much she loved the show.

Felix looked over at Sarah, and nodded slowly. “Rachel’s good, Sarah. Bloody good. I just hope she’s- she’s good to you too.”

“Thanks, Fee.” She scooped up Kira and put her on her waist. “So can you guess what my favorite was?”

Kira looked at Sarah, studying her. “This Is Halloween,” she said decidedly.

Sarah gasped. “How did you know?”

“You smiled so much during that one, I thought your face was gonna crack open.”

Sarah laughed, putting Kira down. “I do love the Nightmare Before Christmas.”

Felix peeled himself off the wall he’d been leaning on, and tapped Sarah with the back of his hand. “There she is.”

And there she was. As Rachel made her way through the crowd, Sarah watched the people moving aside, giving her a perfect path. No one so much as brushed up against her.

When their eyes met, Rachel’s professional expression morphed into one of joy, reminding Sarah of her driver’s license picture, and how she’d said hated smiling.

Sarah grinned back, and waved a little.

Rachel picked up her pace and closed the distance to where they stood very quickly. “Hello, Sarah.”

“Oi, oi, Rachel. This is Felix, and this is Kira. Guys, this is Rachel.”

Rachel stuck out her hand for Felix to shake, and he did. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” he told her. “My sister’s been on about you for days, it was driving me mad!”

Rachel chuckled, and glanced over at Sarah, who was blushing furiously.

Then Rachel knelt down to be at Kira’s height, and shook her hand too. “You’re quite beautiful, Kira,” she told her, a slight smile on her cheeks.

“Thank you. You are too. And you play very well. Uncle Felix is giving me piano lessons, but I might wanna take violin instead.” Kira looked up at her uncle, and saw him shaking his head in disappointment. She giggled.

“That would be wonderful. I think you would be quite good.” Rachel told her, standing up and looking at Sarah. Her gaze fell on the roses, and she asked, “Are those, by chance, for me?”

Sarah’s blush darkened and she stepped closer to hand them over. “Yeah. I- I was gonna pick different ones, but Kira insisted.”

“She chose well. These are my favorite.” Rachel leaned her head closer to the flowers and inhaled deeply. “They even smell amazing. Thank you.”

“‘Course. You were… completely incredible. You deserve ‘em.”

It was Rachel’s turn to blush.

Felix checked his phone, and picked up Kira. “It’s getting late, Monkey,” he told her, and Sarah glanced over. He was right, it was time for her to go home.

“But Uncle Feeeeeeelix! I’m not tired!” She complained, burying her head in his shoulder.

“You might not be, but I sure am.” Felix faked a yawn and winked at Sarah.

“Night, little one,” Sarah said, planting a kiss on her the top of Kira’s head.

“Night, Mommy.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Rachel is lonely, I think. I like her. Be nice.”

“Okay. I will,” Sarah whispered back. Kira’s approval meant the world to her. The kid had a killer instinct about people, and if she liked Rachel, that meant Sarah was allowed to like her too.

Felix nodded once at Sarah, and took Kira outside.

Sarah turned to look back up at Rachel and was startled to find her gazing right back. Every time their eyes met, Sarah felt that chill run down her spine, and she knew Rachel felt it too.

If Sarah had known her better, she would have thrown her arms around Rachel and given her a giant hug. But as it was, she was tentative, cautious, and only offered her arm for Rachel to take.

Rachel slipped her arm into Sarah’s and whispered, “Thank you for coming. No one I know has ever been to one of my shows before.”

As they walked out into the cool air, Sarah noticed that even with their arms linked, Rachel still maintained a certain distance between them. “You’re welcome. But wait, really? Not even your mum or dad?”

“I haven’t spoken to my parents in years,” she replied with a curt tone and a serious face.

Sarah remembered how Rachel’d acted the last time they talked about her parents, and decided that was a topic they would avoid in the future. She liked the open, honest Rachel, not the one that threw up walls between herself and the world. “Sorry about that. You want me to come to all your shows then?”

Rachel turned her head slowly to face Sarah, as though trying to decided if she was kidding. “Only the brilliant ones.”

“If you’re in them, they’re all bloody brilliant,” Sarah countered, and there, there was that smile again.

“True enough.”

Sarah laughed, tugging Rachel along faster. “So there’s this place about a block or so from here, and you have to promise you won’t think I’m being cheap, yeah?”

“Why would I think that?” Rachel asked, looking offended by the idea.

“It’s a pizzeria.”

Rachel’s face said it all. Pizza: cheap date. Pizza: the food of lower creatures. Pizza: messy.

“Now before you go all high and mighty on me, you have to try the food. It is the best damn pizza in this entire city. And I like to think I’ve tried them all.”

“Why pizza, though?” Rachel asked, her expression still holding its judgemental features.

“Because it’s gonna blow your fuckin’ brains out, that’s why. Besides, you’re the best, and you deserve the best, so I’m gonna give it to you. Free of charge.” Sarah tried to keep her tone light and casual, but she really had meant it. The pizza from the place was out of this world and even though it wasn’t fancy, it was certainly the best. She was, on some level, trying to impress Rachel. Maybe a cheap dinner wasn’t the best way to do it, but the pizza itself certainly was.

Rachel’s face then could only be described as bemused. “If you say so,” she replied delicately.

“I say so.”

Once they’d arrived, ordered their slices, and sat down, Sarah leaned forward in her chair, resting her her chin on her first. She looked up and watched Rachel glancing around the room. “Disdain.”

“What’s that?” Rachel asked, her gaze resting on Sarah.

“That’s the word for you. Disdain. You look at everything with disdain, including this amazing pizza joint. Have some respect,” Sarah told her with an easy smile.

At first, Rachel looked incredibly offended. “I- how-” she shook her head. “No, you’re right. Would you like me to give this place a chance?”

Sarah nodded. She wanted Rachel to give her a chance, too. It wasn’t like the symphony was her cup of tea either. But she’d come for Rachel, because she cared about her.

“MANNING! Come and get your slices!” The guy at the counter called out, and Sarah told Rachel she’d be right back.

“Could you get me a knife and fork?” Rachel asked her.

“A knife and- no. No. You eat this with your hands, Rachel Duncan.”

“But-”

“No.”

Sarah brought their slices back to the table, shaking her head. “Who eats their pizza with a knife and fork? That’s criminal.”

“That’s how they do it in Germany,” Rachel told Sarah, tugging her plate to her side of the table.

“We’re not in German-” Sarah stopped, seeing that Rachel was picking up her slice. “You have to close your eyes when you chew it. Full effect that way.”

Rachel arched a careful eyebrow at her, and nodded slowly. “Very well then.”

She did as Sarah asked, closing her eyes once she’d taken a bite. Sarah watched her carefully, waiting, just waiting for any kind of reaction. She took a sip of her root beer, and stared.

Rachel moaned.

Sarah nearly choked on her soda. Of all the reactions in the world, that had to be the one she chose?! It was far too sexy for this cheap pizzeria. “Good?”

Rachel’s eyes opened slowly. “Yes. You’re right. It is the best. It’s... ” she smiled. “Bloody brilliant.”

Sarah beamed, and wolfed down her own slice.

Once they had both finished, (the food was simply too good to maintain conversation) Sarah leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms.

Rachel looked at her, and asked quietly, "This is a date, isn't it?"

"Yes. For sure. I mean, that's what I intended, I don't-"

"No, it's what I intended as well. I just, wanted to make certain."

“Yeah! Speaking of.. dates... Rachel… there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Rachel, still somehow sitting perfectly straight in her chair, nodded. “I’m listening.”

“Ah shit. Alright.” Sarah took a deep breath. She’d been preparing this speech for ages, but she was so nervous she kept starting and stopping. “I’m not good with… with anything like, dates or relationships, you know? The guys I’ve been with, like, I wasn’t serious or anything with them, and I- I’m bloody horrible with communication and basically… I’m a big idiot. I’m angry all the time and I’m scared of a hell of a lot, especially letting people get close. But like, Rachel, there’s something, something, about you that I just… I want to be your girlfriend, and I want you to be mine. Like for real. You’re bloody brilliant, and I feel so lucky that we talk, and that you let me see you play, and I dunno if you want that too, and if you don’t that’s fine but-”

Rachel held up a hand to stop her. “I do.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” She smiled and Sarah swore the world stopped spinning. “To be honest,” Rachel began, “I’m not exactly excellent at relationships either. All the other arrangements have been decidedly less than permanent. Not that- I mean, not that you- never mind. So I’m,” Rachel swallowed. “I’m actually quite terrified. But the thing is, you, you’re wild, and brave and bold. And you won’t let me hide from the world. Because that’s what it is, you know? The superiority thing. I’m like you, I’m scared as well. So let’s, I don’t know, be scared together?”

“Yeah,” Sarah nodded. “I like that. You and me, blustering our way through this relationship shit, scared out of our bloody minds.” She reached for Rachel’s hand. Sarah had blundered her way through her speech, but it was good to see that Rachel hadn't been perfectly put together either. They were in uncharted territory, it was new, it was scary, but it was worth it. 

Rachel laughed, taking Sarah’s hand in hers and squeezing it.

“You have got to promise me that, like, you’ll tell me when you’re scared, alright?” Sarah told her, trying her best to get her message across. “Like if you’re worried about something or you think something isn’t working out you gotta tell me.”

Rachel nodded. “That is an excellent plan. I trust you’ll do the same?”

“Oh yeah. You’ll hear from me tomorrow like ‘I’m scared the date didn’t go well! Did I muck things up?’” Sarah said in a whining impression of herself.

Her date laughed again, and Sarah joined her. “Trust me, you didn’t muck anything up.”

“Bloody brilliant.”

Chapter Text

Rachel woke up every morning at 6:07 A.M. on the dot. Her alarm went off at 6:10, and she generally liked to be ahead of it. The sound of it irked her, and the quicker she could shut it off the better. But that morning, she slept right through it, and woke up at 9:32 instead. Her phone, which she had placed under her pillow, buzzed, and that’s what woke her.

im scared the date didnt go well! did i muck things up?

Rachel rolled over in her bed, laughing. She wasn’t even upset about waking up late, not when she had a text from Sarah, from her girlfriend (!) to start the day. Besides, she didn’t have rehearsal that day, and honestly the gym could wait.

Rachel went through the date in her mind, savoring every detail of the sweet memory. It was the most she’d ever opened up to anyone, the most she’d ever connected to another person. She was so used to the order and the cleanliness of her life, so ingrained in her ways. Being yanked out of them by Sarah was quite possibly the best thing that had ever happened to her. She’d loved Kira, who had her mother’s honest attitude, and Felix, who seemed like he had Sarah’s back entirely. And the pizza… oh lord, the pizza. It had been devilishly good. Not as good, however, as the look on Sarah’s face when Rachel had taken her first bite. That was worth a thousand pizza slices.

Yes actually. It didn’t last long enough.

fuckin hell. knew i shouldve kissed u

Well, why on Earth didn’t you?

scared i guess. y didnt u kiss me?

The same reason, I suppose. Perhaps we should remedy that when next we meet?

o yes.

Rachel had wanted to kiss Sarah, just as she’d wanted to when they first met. But she was definitely new to the concept of dating. Rachel had been with people, certainly, but romance had never actually held any kind of importance to her. She made a mental note to watch a few romantic comedies or look up how to date in her spare time. She needed to know more about it. Was it okay to kiss on the first date? When could they hold hands in public? (Rachel was surprised to find that she did, in fact, want to hold Sarah’s hand) Rachel was used to being the best at everything she did, and any sort of ignorance was incredibly inconvenient. But then she remember, Sarah was new to this as well. They could figure it out together.

Did I muck anything up?

u almost 8 pizza w/ a knife & fork

Still haven’t forgiven me for that, have you?

nope. dont think i ever will.

Other than that?

naw ur perf

Thank you. You are “perf” as well.

;) u bet. so whats up w/ u this lovely morning?

Just woke up actually. I have the day off today, and I was considering going to the gym.

Rachel fluffed her eggshell white pillow, propping it against her wooden bed frame. She could tell she was going to be staying in bed for a while.

u DO work out! i knew it. i bloody knew it.

Were you, by chance, admiring my muscles?

…maybe.

Rachel was equal parts flattered and embarrassed.

You WERE, weren’t you?? When I had my top off at the tattoo parlor??

u got me. im a sucker for a nice back. when uve seen as many gross 1s as i have the nice 1s r all the better. & urs my dear is the nicest.

Why thank you. I have to admit that I was admiring you in your dress last night. You have quite a few muscles to brag of yourself.

Which was certainly true. Rachel had been taken aback entirely by Sarah’s transformation. Though she still retained her punk appearance, she had gotten dressed up for the concert, and wow. Rachel honestly couldn’t have kept her eyes off Sarah if she tried.

u can blame my boss 4 that. alison makes me do hip hop abs w/ her.

Is that a job requirement?

2 her it is. probably couldnt get fired 4 refusing, but its 2 risky

You’ve never mentioned your boss before. What is she like?

omg. ali hendrix is… the best way 2 describe her would b soccer mom. she has 2 kids & she is ocd as hell. u would not think she owned a tattoo parlor. @ all. shes dating a cop, got divorced from her husband a year or 2 ago. oh shit i just realized somethin

She sounds…  interesting. And what is it?

i always thought i was the 1 straight 1 @ the parlor. guess i cant say that any more can i?

It would appear not. Is the cop a woman, then?

yeah, beth. shes a sarcastic little shit but shes good 4 ali. no seriously tho. i still cant get over this. did u kno u liked girls?

I honestly doubt I’ve thought about my preference for any gender. But as I've said before, you’re my first actual relationship.

cosima says sexuality is a spectrum. i never paid much attention bc i never thought i liked girls. but i am not not gay & not not straight?? so???? shes kinda right?????

Isn’t bisexual the accepted term for that kind of situation?

thats what delphine, cos’s gf, is. is that what u r?

If that’s what works. You should ask Cosima more about this. There could be some sort of term that suits me better.

there r more?

Most likely.

huh.

-ok its question time

When the two of them texted, they often fell into a pattern of asking each other questions. It was a way for them to get to know each other better, and it was, Rachel admitted, seriously entertaining.

--coffee or tea

I am English, aren’t I?

tru. shouldve known that 1

-fav ice cream flavor

Green tea.

wtf is that??? they make that??

Yes. It’s quite good. They sell it at Japanese restaurants. What about you?

figures. rocky road i think.

-superman or batman?

Black Widow isn’t an option? Agent Carter isn’t an option?

we r doing dc comics, duncan.

Catwoman.

same tbh. that was a dumb question.

Yes it was.

oi i dont c u askin any

Would you rather travel to the bottom of the ocean or outer space?

ocean 4 sure. wait. no. space. theres more of it. but the ocean--- no one has seen that shit either. thats a tough 1. u?

Space.

bitch u dont have any doubts?

If it was anyone else, Rachel would have been deeply offended by the insult. But coming from Sarah, it was almost a term of endearment. And so, instead of being pissed, Rachel found herself smiling again.

The ocean will be charted more quickly, I think. It is finite. Space, however, is something science is still unable to test the limits of.

get. out.

-if u could be from any time period besides this 1

--what would it b

---and y

Now that is a challenging question. If you go back too far, women had almost no rights. I wouldn’t have been able to be a musician about a century ago.

4get the politics & the other shit. go 4 pure aesthetics.

The 1920s had the best haircuts. What about you?

u would. & id say the medieval knights & shit. or maybe the renaissance after that. good art.

You would.

fav weather

The kind of snow that cancels everyone’s productivity and gives me an excuse to do nothing. You?

rain. reminds me of home.

Do you miss England?

yea i mean im happy here but sometimes i get homesick. & kiras never been. i want her 2 c it, bc its in her blood. what abt u?

Not really. There have been a few occasions, however, when something reminded me of something from my childhood, and it brought back a strange kind of nostalgia.

It was the closest Rachel had gotten to bringing up her family with Sarah. At one point, she was certain, her parents had loved her. Didn’t all parents love their children? But Rachel found that the only memories she held of them were the ones in which she was being sculpted into the perfect musician.

what area r u from?

Cambridge. What about you and your family?

brixton. me & felix both. mrs s is from dublin originally tho.

Interesting. Alright, I have one for you. What is your favorite book?

o god ummmmm i dont read much but sometimes i read teen books cuz the adult shit is boring? i like the grisha series a lot. u?

The Sherlock Holmes books. I named my parakeets after the original name ideas for Sherlock and Watson.

omg rachel duncan u r a nerd! w/ ur agricola & ur birds & ur sherlock! its adorbs.

Nerd wasn’t exactly the label Rachel would have picked for herself. But she had noticed that Sarah used the word liberally, and so took no objection to it. She did have a point.

Well I don’t believe I am, but if my nerdiness is an endearing trait to you… then I suppose…

yep. nerd.

Fair enough.

when is ur bday? astrological sign? not that i believe any of that

April 20th. End of Aries, I believe. Yourself?

march 15. pieces. totally looking up compatibilty rn not gonna lie.

What does it say? (I thought you didn’t believe it?)

o good it says we have a mutual understanding of each other. (shut it i had to check)

That sounds accurate to me. (Admit it, you’re a believer.)

it also says i kno u better than u kno urself (never)

Do you? (Oh yes!)

no clue. that remains 2 b seen doesnt it (oh no!)

I suppose it does. (You are indeed.)

yep. (am not.)

The side argument nearly had Rachel in pieces she was giggling so much. It was childish and immature, she knew, but she loved playing along with Sarah.

Yes. (Yes.)

ok. fav song

A Rush of Blood to the Head by Coldplay.

u like coldplay????? not just classical stuff & movie soundtracks????

Yes?? Most musicians only listen to the style they play for inspiration, not for pleasure.

& u listen 2 coldplay 4 pleasure?

I refuse to play into your sexual joke traps, Sarah Manning.

dont look @ me im innocent

Far from it. What do you listen to?

florence & the machine. nirvana. the black keys. rock & roll. my current fav is arsonists lullabye by hozier

Take-Me-to-Church-Hozier?

yes. that 1. hes a p chill guy. irish. heard a couple of interviews w/ him

I enjoyed Take Me to Church until they overplayed it, and Like Real People Do as well. Haven’t heard anything else by him.

GO LOOK UP EVERYTHING ELSE. NOW.

Rachel snorted. Sarah not only had the gall to order her around, she was doing it in all caps, too. Though she enjoyed having an intimidating effect on everyone, it was refreshing that Sarah saw right through it.

Perhaps I will a few moments. I still haven’t gotten out of bed.

r u kidding? im already @ work. ali told me 2 get off my phone but i dont have any cstmrs so she can suck it. plus beth will b by & shell be plenty distracted.

Oh, I don’t want you to get in trouble.

Rachel gazed out the floor length windows to her left, picturing Sarah furiously texting at the tattoo parlor, her feet propped on a desk, telling her boss to suck it. She liked imagining Sarah in her natural habitat.

i wont. o cosima is buggin me again abt the double date thing? when/where do u want 2 do that? she said she & del will go anywhere

She was looking forward to meeting Cosima and Delphine, since Sarah had talked so much about them. But more importantly, she wanted to see Sarah again, and the sooner that happened, the better. As for a place, she had just the one.

Yummi Sushi. You have to try the green tea ice cream. And I’m free tomorrow evening at around 7.

ew. but ok. let me ask. its in the same neighborhood as the parlor right?

Yes it is. And okay.

cos luvs sushi. damnit. shes asking delphine. hold on.

-del also luvs sushi & we can all make it.

Excellent. I look forward to it.

me 2. <3

<3

Chapter Text

“She’s here, luv!” Siobhan called from downstairs, and Sarah was reminded that she really needed to get her own place.

“Fuck, mum, I’m not ready!! Let her in, tell her I’ll be down in just a sec!” Sarah yelled back, making a face at her reflection. She yanked the brush through her hair, once, twice, and idly wondered if she should go for dreads like Cosima had. She checked over her makeup, added a little more mascara, a little more lipstick. She cracked her neck, cracked her knuckles, and paused, trying to listen to S and Rachel downstairs.

“You have a lovely home, Mrs. Sadler,” Rachel’s voice traveled up the stairs.

“Oh, thank you, luv. Please, call me S. Everyone does.”

Sarah shook her head. She had a promised kiss to get to, and time was wasting away.

She thundered halfway down the steps, but stopped dead halfway when she saw the shotgun on the dining room table. Was Siobhan seriously cleaning her gun before Sarah’s date? Typical. Just bloody typical.

She ran down the rest of the way, and ran her fingers through her hair when she made it to the bottom, smiling at Rachel. “Oi.”

“Hello,” Rachel smiled back, and Sarah wondered if she was also thinking about the kiss they’d promised over text.

“Glad to see you’ve finally decided to grace us with your presence. I was near about to pull out the baby pictures of you and Felix,” S told her, shaking her head.

Rachel’s eyes widened fractionally in horror, but it was enough for Sarah to know she’d made it down at the perfect time.

Sarah rolled her eyes and gave her foster mother a quick hug, whispering, “I’m moving out tomorrow, I swear to God.”

Siobhan just laughed. “Shoo! Go have fun!”

Sarah took Rachel’s hand and led her outside. “Thanks for picking me up. I got off early today, otherwise I probably could’ve walked over. And Felix is babysitting Ali’s kids, so he took Kira and the car, and-”

The look on Rachel’s face stopped her completely. “Get in the car,” she whispered. Then, as if remembering her manners, she added, “Please, darling.”

Sarah had never gotten into a vehicle faster in her life. And that was saying something.

Rachel slipped into the driver's side, turned to Sarah, and took her face in her hands.  “I am scared,” she admitted, “but for the sake of the both of us-” Rachel stopped and completed her sentence with a kiss.

Sarah was not complaining, not one bit, and responded in kind.

Rachel tasted like a cool breeze, like a light rain, like homemade lemonade in the middle of summer. It was a gentle kiss, a happy kiss, a “finally” kiss, and Sarah just hoped it was as good for Rachel as it was for her.

When they finally broke apart (they were meeting people after all, and after all, they were still in Sarah’s driveway) Rachel pressed her forehead to Sarah’s and whispered, “Bloody. Brilliant.”

Sarah giggled, turning away to buckle her seatbelt. “You too, Rachel Duncan. You too.”

And then Rachel laughed too, buckling her own seatbelt and starting the car.

It was a fairly short drive, and therefor the first time in her life Sarah had actively wished for a longer car ride. She loved Cosima, sure, and she was excited to meet Delphine, but she wanted Rachel to herself for just a little longer.

On the way over, Sarah insisted they play Hozier, to which Rachel had no objection.

“I did listen to him, you know!” Rachel told her when the first song began.

“Oh yeah? I don’t believe it.”

“I swear I did. I, I listened to Cherry Wine, and Sedated, and, and” she snapped her fingers, “Oh, and Work Song! And naturally, Arsonist’s Lullabye, because you said it was your favorite.”

“Eh, I’m just messin’ with you. But thanks, honestly didn’t think you would,” Sarah told her with a shrug. Cosima and Alison never took her music recommendations, and Felix was where she got her music from anyway.

Rachel turned her head briefly to look at Sarah, then brought her attention back to the road. “It’s something that matters to you,” she said matter of factly, “and so I really had no choice, did I?”

Sarah thought her heart would burst. Rachel got it. She really got it.  “I think we figured out the key.”

“What’s that?”

“You know, how to do the relationship thing.”

“Oh? And what is it, exactly?” Rachel asked, a genuine interest in her voice.

“I come to your show, even though I’ve never been one for classical music. I love it, because you’re in it, because you care about it. You try my pizza and my music, and you like it, because it matters to me.”

“You make an excellent point, Sarah. We should endeavor to do more of this in the future, I think,” Rachel’s words, as always, were carefully selected, but now Sarah knew that she wasn’t trying to impress or intimidate her. It was just the easiest way for Rachel to express herself.

“I agree. It’s a give and take, yeah?”

“Certainly. We’re only a day in, officially? One date, one kiss, and we figured out the key to the perfect relationship already.” She laughed. “Lucky us.”

There was sarcasm in that sentence, Sarah could tell. She had a bullshit detector a mile long. But it was well deserved sarcasm. “Yeah, yeah I hear it. How about this, then? A battle plan. This can be our battle plan, and if it doesn’t work out, we’ll try something else, then.”

“I like it,” Rachel answered. “I think it will work.”

When they arrived at the restaurant, neither Delphine nor Cosima was there.

“Table for four,” Sarah told her hostess, who told them there was no wait, and seated them right away.

Not too much later, a tall woman with curly blonde hair entered the building. Sarah could tell she was French almost instantly (it was a gut instinct), and waved her over. She looked at Sarah gratefully, no longer having to explain why she didn’t know who exactly she was meeting.

“You must be Delphine! I’ve heard loads about you!” Sarah said as she approached.

“I am! And you must be Sarah, and… Rachel?” She answered in a light accent, pulling out her chair and taking a seat.

“Yes.” Rachel nodded. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Enchantée,” Delphine replied gracefully.

“Same.” Sarah said in turn, having nearly failed French in high school.

Delphine smiled, checking her watch. “Did Cosima contact you? She’s later than I am, and I thought that I was very late!”

Sarah exchanged a glance with Rachel. They’d arrived after 7 as well, and clearly gotten lucky.

“Cosima,” Sarah began, seeing her friend in the doorway, “is kind of always late and so she’s kind of always-”

The woman in question sat down and finished the sentence for her. “Sorry!”

“Oi, oi, Cosima, you’re at least fifteen minutes late today,” Sarah told her with a laugh.

She shook her head. “I said I was sorry! Anyway, hi,” She kissed Delphine once on each cheek, then stuck out a hand for Rachel to shake. “I’m Cosima, and I’m sure Sarah’s already complained about my nerdiness to you.”

“She certainly has,” Rachel told her, a slight smile flashing across her features as she shook Cosima’s hand. “But according to Sarah, I also fall under this category.”

Cosima turned on Sarah. “You called her a nerd! You little shit.”

Sarah just cackled.

“To be fair,” Rachel told Cosima, “I did name my parakeets Sherringford and Osmund.”

“I think that qualifies,” Delphine weighed in delicately. “That’s original Sherlock, isn’t it?”

“Ooh, you’re right!” Cosima exclaimed. “Welcome to the nerd club.”

“Thank you,” Rachel tilted her head at Cosima just like a queen would at her subjects.

Sarah’s stomach growled, and everyone laughed, picking up their menus.

Once they’d ordered, Rachel turned to Cosima and said, “Sarah tells me you play Agricola.”

Cosima’s eyes lit up, and she launched into a giant nerd discussion with Rachel, which Sarah tuned out abruptly.

Delphine whispered to Sarah, “She is adorable, but honestly I have no idea what she is talking about.”

Sarah nodded. “Right? I got enough of it with your girlfriend, now I get it from mine too!”

Delphine laughed. “Maybe we should pretend like we’re having a very serious conversation. Say something completely random and I’ll nod like you’re very wise.”

“Good idea. Okay, er… Did you know that they’re trying to figure out a way to make pigs fly?”

“No! Really?” Delphine asked, her eyes widened in shock.

“No, no, you just said to say something!” Sarah told her, laughing.

“Ah, okay. Alright, my hair glows in the dark,” she replied with a grin and a shrug of her shoulders.

“I had elephant toenails for breakfast.”

Rachel stopped talking completely and turned her head slowly to stare at Sarah. “What was that?”

Sarah looked at Delphine, desperately trying not to laugh. But Delphine was already in a fit of giggles, and it wasn’t long before Sarah joined her.

“We… felt left out…” she got out between chuckles, “so we… just said whatever popped into our… heads… I swear I had… a normal breakfast.”

Rachel nodded. “As long as I haven’t kissed elephant breath, I’m satisfied.”

Sarah and Delphine fell into another fit of giggles, and Cosima just shook her head.

Once their food arrived, a comfortable silence descended on the table. Sarah had made a big deal about not liking sushi, but Rachel had given her recommendations, and they were honestly really good.

Everyone was willing to share, too, so Sarah got to try a bunch of new flavors and found herself actually enjoying the meal.

"Pansexual," Cosima said simply when everyone had finished their meal.

“What’s that?” Sarah asked, having never heard the word before in her life.

“Yesterday you asked me about the spectrum of sexuality. Pansexual’s like, attraction to all genders, or if gender’s irrelevant to attraction. It’s kinda like what you said Rachel described.”

“That,” Rachel began slowly, “sounds about right, actually.”

“Right- but what makes it different from, say, bisexuality, then?” Sarah asked again. She wasn’t that interested, but she was at least intrigued.

Cosima gestured to Delphine, a silent way of passing the answering baton.

“Well,” Delphine looked at Sarah and Rachel, “the truth is that the two have become muddled over time. But if you are bi, you like girls, and you like boy. If you are pan, you like anyone anywhere on the gender spectrum.”

“Don’t tell me that’s a bloody spectrum too,” Sarah chuckled. Life had been a hell of a lot simpler before she liked Rachel. But she wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Their waitress appeared at the edge of the table. “Can I interest you in any desserts?”

“Yes.” Rachel told her. “My girlfriend and I will share a green tea ice cream.”

Sarah felt a rush of pride at that. She still couldn’t quite believe it.

“You got it.” The server turned to Cosima and Delphine. “And for you?”

They shook their heads, politely declining.

When the ice cream arrived, Sarah couldn’t help but make a face. It looked like Kermit the Frog threw up in a field of grass. “That’s unnatural,” she murmured to herself.

“Just try it,” Rachel ordered, handing her a spoon.

Cosima and Delphine leaned forward in their seats, waiting to see how Sarah would react.

Sarah yanked the spoon from Rachel’s hand and scooped up a large amount, then shoved it into her mouth, letting the flavors crash over her tongue. It was like nothing she’d ever had before. The first taste wasn’t sweet, like one would expect from ice cream. It began the way green tea began, almost bitter, but not quite. It did however, have a sweet finish.

One bite was not enough for Sarah to discern whether she liked it, and so she took another, this time hyper aware of everyone’s eyes on her. And the second bite, well, that was mind-blowing.

“Well?” Rachel asked, picked up her own spoon and slowly taking a bite.

“I fuckin’ love it.” Sarah laughed, and went in for a third.

“Excellent.” Rachel responded with her mouth full, causing them both to laugh.

Cosima wrapped an arm around Delphine and whispered, “Aren’t they adorable?”

Delphine reached up and bopped Cosima’s nose. “Not as cute as you.”

Chapter Text

hows game time w/ da boys

Excellent, I am currently winning, as usual. 

u go girl. kick ass, k?

Of course, darling. How are things with you?

good. just dropped kira @ skool. have a few hrs b4 wrk.

And how do you plan to spend those hours?

idk probs daydream bout my gf. have u met her?

I can't say I've had the pleasure. Do introduce us sometime. 

hm we will have to fix that. duncan, meet duncant

Oh, it's lovely to meet you, Ms. Duncant

no ur duncant

Why am I Duncant? 

cuz i cant get enuff of u

How sweet, and eloquently put, too! It saddens me that I haven't your talent for a good pun. 

2 bad

Quite.

so r u busy 2nite? we have tix 2 the county fair

-if u r thats ok

--if not also ok

---rachel

----an answer would b nice?

-----RACHELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

------r u ok

-------u better b ok

--------holy shit im calling u woman u better answer & b ok

Incoming call from Sarah <3

Missed Call from Sarah <3

Missed Calls (2)

Missed Calls (3)

Missed Calls (4)

Chapter Text

Incoming Call from Duncan Doughnuts

Sarah picked up the phone more quickly than she'd ever answered a call in her life.

She had been waiting to hear from Rachel with a kind of restless desperation. With all her nervous energy, she'd decided to go shopping. Honestly, she couldn't think of anything else to do. She had bought some clothes for Kira, and then picked up some groceries. But the whole time, she was fretting about her girlfriend, and had reached two possible conclusions. Rachel hated her, or Rachel was dead.

"Rachel!?!?" Sarah asked frantically.

"Is this Sarah Less Than Three?" A man's voice replied. "I'm Sarah, and what? Who is this? Where's Rachel?" She had not been expecting this, of all things. Maybe Rachel was dead. And what was this business about less than three?

"I'm Scott, Rachel's friend. And there's a less than symbol and a three next to your name, so I don't know; I thought it was your last name."

"That's a heart." She answered, glad to have at least cleared that up.

"Oh. Oh, I'm such an idiot. Duh," Scott laughed nervously. It made her happy that Rachel put a heart by her name, but the panic in her chest wouldn't subside. Not to mention, her stomach was doing somersaults, and her heart was racing. "Why are you calling me from her phone?"

"Something happened," he began slowly. Sarah's heart stopped. Please let her be okay, she thought, over and over, more like a prayer than anything else.

"Sometimes, things get a little out of hand at the game days. Usually we're pretty calm, you know, just nerd board games. But sometimes it's like, war? We weaponize household objects and make shields and just kinda act like idiots. Rachel doesn't participate. And we didn't even have one of those today." Scott took a deep breath.

Sarah had to interrupt. "Look, Scott, just tell me what happened, alright? Is she alive? Is she okay?" She was, she admitted, using a rather harsh tone, but Rachel was hurt, Rachel was hurt, and oh god, it was all she could think about.

"There was a fire."

"So she got burned? How badly?"

"No, she didn't get burned. It was a little one, on the table. But someone had weaponized the fire extinguisher and she ended up with a pencil in her eye," Scott finished apologetically.

It took a minute for that to sink in. "Someone shot... A bloody pencil? In my girlfriend's eye?" Her voice simmered with fury.

"It was Tony. He thought he was helping, he didn't know about the pencil. I'm so sorry." Scott sounded genuinely sorry, and Sarah was hoping it wasn't him that rigged the extinguisher.

"I'm coming. You with her? Hospital?" "We're at the hospital and they took her to operating almost right away. They're, uh, removing the pencil."

"Thanks for calling. See you there." Sarah hung up and pulled out of the grocery store parking lot she'd been sulking in. She knew it wasn't a good idea to drive angry, but she had to be there, she had to go right now. She couldn't get the picture out of her head. Sure, Rachel and her had only been dating a month now. But their battle plan, caring about the things that mattered to each other, had worked rather well for them. They had a lot of dates, but Rachel hung out with Sarah and her family too, coming over for dinner and treating them to the movies. And of course, they almost never stopped texting. Rachel had already secured a permanent place in her heart, somehow, and being with her was so good. Sarah didn't want to lose that, didn't want to lose her.

She drove and drove and drove and her mind spun and spun and spun. She vibrated with anger, with the sort of horrible anger that comes with worry.

"Who in their bloody right mind," she mumbled to herself, "would rig a bloody fire extinguisher with a bloody pencil and point it at bloody Rachel? Fucking hell."

She pulled into the parking lot and flew out of her car. It wasn't too hard to find the waiting room, and she was greeted by six seriously nerdy looking guys. Sarah didn't even bother to say hello.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" She exploded. "WHO THE FUCK IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS FUCKERY?" Sarah paced back and forth, pointing her finger at each of the now terrified men in turn. "You, you, you, you, you, and fucking you, what were you thinking? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Christ."

She felt like she didn't even know what to do with herself. She wanted, very badly, to let her fists fly, to just punch all of their stupid faces and maybe that would fix her Rachel. Instead, she punched a wall. Which didn't help at all, and left her hand stinging.

A nurse stepped in from the hallway."Miss? Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to keep it down."

Sarah stopped. Hospital. Right. The reprimand felt like getting doused with ice water. "Yeah, sorry, got a bit... Carried away."

The woman nodded and disappeared again.

"Which one of you is Scott?" The one on the far right with thick glasses raised his hand.

"Thanks again for calling," she told him, her voice softening. "Did they say when we could see her?"

"It's going to be a while. After the surgery, she'll still be sedated, and then they only let family in."

Sarah felt her fury fly up again, but she squashed it down. "She hasn't got any family. They're..." She searched for the word. "Estranged. She usually won't even talk about them."

A guy with long hair and a tiny beard buried his head in his hands. "Shit, man. Shit." "

Are you Tony?" Sarah asked him.

"Yeah. I'm so fucking sorry, Sarah. I swear to God I had no clue, I just, I didn't want her to get burned. I thought I was doin' the right thing." His tone was sincere and Sarah could almost see tears in his eyes.

"I would've done the same thing. Could've been anyone. It's not your fault." Sarah took a deep breath. "The fault belongs to whatever loser rigged it in the first place." She ran her fingers through her hair. This was a bloody mess.

She looked back up at the group. "Seriously though. Who was it?" All of them managed to look equally guilty. It was enough to make Sarah want to punch the wall again, but she restrained herself. "That's bloody cowardly. Well. We'll just have to go down the line, won't we?"

Each man cowered a little. Sarah fixed her stare on Scott. "Hi Scott. Was this your genius idea?"

Sarah didn't know what she was going to do when she found out. She just knew she needed to.

"No," Scott answered. "No, I'm in the defense business, I make the shields."

Sarah nodded. "Alright. Okay." She looked at the next guy. "Oi. Name."

"Mike," a tall, nervous looking blond replied. "You do this?" He burst into loud, obnoxious tears, nodding.

"Bollocks," Sarah swore under her breath. Of course he was crying. It was so hard to be pissed at people when they cried. Even though it looked really dumb on a full grown man.

"I'm sorry!" He sobbed, "I thought it would be cool!" Sarah shook her head, easing herself into a chair opposite the guys. She felt drained, defeated. "Whatever," she mumbled. "Just make it up to her somehow. I dunno."

She felt like crying, but didn't want to in front of six guys she barely knew.

"Sarah?" Scott asked carefully.

She looked up and met his eyes reluctantly. "Yeah?"

"I just want you to know-" he cleared his throat. "I've known Rachel for years. But she only started calling me her friend about a month ago. She only started smiling about a month ago. She started talking to us, engaging with us, being, like, a real human, a month ago. And you two started dating a month ago." He paused and cleared his throat once more. "So you're good for her. You make her happy." And then Sarah really did cry. It had been... Years? She couldn't even remember, really, how long it had been since she'd cried like that. She felt so powerless, and frustrated, so raw and just... She sobbed, and sobbed, and if the guys thought it was strange, they said nothing.

After a while, she excused herself and stepped outside. She texted Alison, saying she wouldn't be in for work that day, and Alison called her immediately.

"Sarah. What's going on?" She asked, her voice full of sharp concern.

Seeing as she was still crying, she couldn't exactly form a response.

"Is someone dead? Is Kira alright? Siobhan, Felix? Is it... Rachel?"

In the background, Sarah could hear the gentle strumming of a guitar. It was probably Beth, who had taught herself to play, and regularly serenaded Alison.

Sarah took a shaky breath and said, "Yeah, Rachel, she's in the hospital."

"Oh, honey."

The strumming stopped. She could hear Beth ask, "Is Sarah okay? Who got hurt?"

"It was Rachel," Alison answered, away from the phone. "Sorry about that, Sarah."

"It's okay." She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. "I'm okay."

She could sense her boss hesitating on the other end. "Want us to come down there? I can close the shop for the day. It's another slow day."

Normally Sarah would have said no, right away. But she needed someone- Felix was working, Siobhan was out of town, she didn't want to bug Cosima, and Rachel.... She definitely couldn't talk to Rachel. "Actually..." Sarah swallowed her pride and nodded to herself. "If it's not too much trouble..."

"Beth! Close the shop! We're helping Sarah!"

"Roger that!"

Alison softened her tone and asked, "Do you want me to stay on the phone, Sarah?"

"S'okay, Ali, I'm okay. See you in a few." Sarah hung up and collapsed against a wall.

She just wanted to see her girlfriend. Rachel would look at her, she would laugh at her for getting so upset, and everything would be okay. Except Rachel couldn't do much looking with just one eye, could she?

It felt like forever, but finally, finally, Alison and Beth arrived.

Beth got out of the car, still holding her guitar, and slid down the wall next to Sarah. "Hey, last time I saw you, you were tattooing an apple pie on some girl's boob, right?"

Alison, delicately sitting on Sarah's other side, nodded.

Sarah looked up at Beth, trying to repress a smile. "Yeah, she was a right bitch, too. Took all the cash outta my wallet."

"You never told me that!" Alison scolded, indignant. "We could have tracked her down."

Beth pointed to herself. "Cop? Remember?"

"It's nothing, really," Sarah laughed a little. "And yeah, Miss Rookie Cop, do you ever actually work? Or do you just ditch to hang with my boss?"

"Hey now. I work. I'm working now!" Beth laughed. "Well, kinda. If they give you that family only crap, I will gladly flash my badge around for you."

"Thanks." Sarah was genuinely grateful. She didn't see Alison's girlfriend often, but had always gotten along with her rather well.

"Sarah?" Alison asked carefully. "Do you want to tell us what happened?"

She sighed. "Sure. Some nutter, I think he's called Mike, did up a bloody fire extinguisher like it was a pencil gun or something, then a bloke, Tony, shot Rachel in the eye cuz he thought he was putting out a fire."

There was silence.

Then Alison whispered, "Holy fishsticks. Ho-lee flipp-ing fish-sticks."

And Sarah couldn't stop herself from giggling a little. "What are the chances, right? What are the bloody chances?"

Beth shook her head. "Man, I've seen some weird shit-"

A sharp intake of breath from Alison. "Ali, I love you but you know I can't stop swearing."

"Doesn't mean I'll stop trying to change that," Sarah's boss mumbled.

"Anyway, I was saying, I've seen some weird shit and this is by far the weirdest shit I have ever even heard of it. Who in their right mind would think about messing with the damn fire extinguisher?"

"Mike, apparently," Sarah said with a shrug.

"Want me to arrest him?"

"Beth!" Alison glared across Sarah. "I was kidding, Ali. Though it would be nice to put the fear of God in that guy."

"Already done," Sarah told her with a smile. "Had him cryin' earlier."

"I'm not going to say he deserved it-" Alison began, "but he definitely deserved it. Rachel's a lovely girl, if a bit uptight."

Beth laughed. "That's rich, coming from you!"

Before Alison could respond, Sarah nodded. "Lovely doesn't begin to cover it. You're right, he totally deserved it."

"Hey, Sarah?" Scott stuck his head out from behind the door. "They said she's awake. But they won't let us in. She can't talk, hardly at all, but they think she's asking for you."

"Can I see her?" Sarah asked, standing up and cracking her neck.

"I... I don't think so..." Scott looked nervous. "Who are these women?"

Sarah smacked her forehead. "I'm an idiot. Scott, this is my boss, Alison, and her girlfriend, Beth."

"It's nice to meet you." Scott shook each of their hands and met Sarah's eyes again.

"So Sarah, are there any straight girls left?"

She just smiled. "Don't think so."

Beth led the way into the waiting room. "Official police business." She did some badge flashing, and pointed Sarah in the direction of Rachel's room. "Go!"

Sarah pulled open the door and slipped into to her girlfriend's room.

Rachel had a giant white bandage covering most of her face and her left eye. In her nose was a cannula to help her breathe. She wore a flimsy hospital nightgown, and had the covers pulled up to her chest. Any makeup she might have been wearing was completely gone. She stared up at the ceiling, and Sarah couldn't help but think that she looked so small and so broken. It was frightening to see her bold, powerful, wonderful woman in such a position of weakness.

"Rachel?" She asked tentatively, stepping inside the room.

Slowly, painfully, Rachel turned to look at Sarah. And when their eyes met, her expression lit up as much as it could. "S-S-Sar...ah," she stammered, the small word an incredible effort.

"Oi, babe," Sarah tried her best to smile back, but the sight of Rachel had her a little shaken.

One of the things that happened over the last month was that Sarah and Rachel had grown very comfortable with each other. So instead of pulling up a chair, Sarah climbed in the bed right next to Rachel and cuddled up to her.

Rachel reached out her hand and Sarah took it, whispering, "I'm here. I'm here."

With her free hand, Sarah stroked her girlfriend's cheek. She felt like crying again, but she knew she had to stay strong for Rachel. "What can I do? What can I do to make this better?"

Rachel let her head fall onto Sarah shoulder. She swallowed, then cleared her throat.

"And if you can't talk that's okay, too," Sarah added hastily.

"Mu... Music. Somehow. P-please," Rachel tells her, face contorted in concentration.

Sarah gently ran her fingers across the crease in between Rachel's eyebrows, relaxing her. Music, of course, she wanted music! She was a violinist, she couldn't breathe without it! "I'm on it. Next time I come I'll... I'll play you something myself."

Sarah couldn't play an instrument to save her life, and she was pretty sure her singing voice was worse than a frog's. But the hopeful look in Rachel's good eye was enough to make her want to try.

Chapter Text

Rachel's hand started to shake when she picked up the phone. If she'd had normal control of her vocal chords, she would've growled out of frustration. It was bad enough her eye was missing- why did everything else have to suffer too?

Thank God for Scott, though. Her nerd friend had truly come through, getting her to the hospital, getting Sarah, and making it so that she could actually use her phone. She never thought that the awkward bassoonist would be so kind to her, and she was truly grateful.

How are things?

Typing was horribly difficult too, even with the enlarged font, but she made do. It was worth it, for Sarah.

things r p good or as good as things can b when my gf is in hospital. wbu?

As good as things can be when my eye is missing and half my body is paralyzed. What are you up to?

cant tell you its a secret

I am dying! Tell me!

... no. & ur not dying. shh.

I am dying of curiosity. My eye socket hurts. I can't move. I can't see anything properly. I can't talk. I AM dying. Just. Tell. Me.

didnt anyone ever tell u that a secret is meant to stay a bloody secret? (ur guilt trippin me!)

A half smile appeared across Rachel's cheeks. She was certainly guilt tripping her girlfriend, but she was genuinely curious. Sarah was stubborn, but so was Rachel. She had one more strategy.

Please.

UGH fine.

-im at alisons place learning guitar from beth.

--4 u. so u can have music.

Rachel was touched. When Sarah had promised to play something for her, she'd pictured an MP3 player and headphones. This was, well, so much better and so much sweeter. And honestly, no one did anything like that for her. Ever.

Oh indeed? And how is that coming along?

im shit. literal shit. 

It can't possibly be that bad.

its that bad. cant sing either.

A chuckle began in Rachel's chest. Unfortunately, it got stuck in her throat on its way out and she coughed a violent cough instead. She was entirely trapped within her own body and it was driving her absolutely insane. Usually, when Rachel felt her emotions slipping out of hand, she would turn to her violin. But even that was impossible. It takes two hands to play violin, and she only had one working one. And working was a loose term.

No one ever said anything about singing!

ali did. she says i cant play 4 u unless i sing too. she takes voice lessons so she thinks she knows what shes on about.

Does she?

eh thats debateable. but i kinda trust her.

Hmm. Well, I had better be impressed, then! When will your performance be?

2moro. i miss u 2 much 4 it 2 b any l8ter.

I miss you, too. My only other visitor is Scott. Oh and Mike gave me a formal apology. He wrote a letter and then read it out loud. It was exceedingly awkward but completely appreciated.

good. i may or may not have yelled @ him. a lot. i was fuckin pissed

The Sarah shaped compartment in Rachel's heart grew at that. Letting Sarah have a spot there at all had been difficult for Rachel. But now that Sarah was hers, and Rachel was Sarah's, she wouldn't have it any other way.

How pissed?

punchin hospital walls pissed. OH GUESS WHAT?

WHAT?

I CAN PLAY A CHORD NOW. I THINK ITS "A MINOR"

Congratulations. Which song are you learning?

1 that starts w/ a minor.

Which song?

just, u kno, a song.

WHICH SONG, SARAH?

ur not gettin an answer so stop askin i already spoiled the guitar part

Fine.

ha.

Rachel hesitated a moment before replying. She knew Sarah was a bit busy, but they had sworn to each other to always be honest with their emotions, and Rachel needed to tell her what she was feeling. It had been very hard to her, at first, to get in the habit of openly discussing her emotions with Sarah. But she trusted her girlfriend like she'd never trusted anyone before, and so she told her everything. Just like Sarah did for her.

Sarah, I've something to confess. I'm scared. I'm scared I'll never get better. I'm scared I won't be able to play my violin anymore. I'm scared you'll... I'm scared you'll love me less or that I'll be a burden.

At first, there was no reply, and so Rachel instantly regretted her message. But after a few moments, there was a selfie from Sarah and a new message. In the picture, she was blowing the camera a kiss.

duncan. omg. 1st. u r not a burden. dont even go there w/ me ok? 2nd. me? love u less? never. ur gonna have 2 try harder than a dumbass pencil if u want 2 get rid of me. & 3rd. u will get better. u will play again. u will. i promise. & dont u forget it. ok? ur so strong & kickass and powerful ur gonna beat this.

As Rachel scanned the message, she felt herself beginning to cry. It started as a trickle and very quickly became a cascade. Rachel hadn't cried like this since... Well, she couldn't even remember. She didn't have words to express how she felt. All she knew was that she didn't deserve someone like Sarah, and that she was very lucky to have her.

Thank you, Sarah. You have no idea how much I truly appreciate that.

of course. ur perf.

As are you. How's the song coming along?

gr8 actually! i can play all the verses now! the chorus is funky tho

Hmmmm. I'm tempted to look up a list of songs that begin with A minor and have a "funky" chorus.

DONT U DARE. a surprise is a surprise!

-oi i 4got 2 tell u: im stopping by ur place 2 feed ur birds. anything u want me to pick up? spare key still under mat?

Sarah had been over to Rachel's twice before. The first time, they'd watched Inception and fallen asleep snuggled together on the couch. The second time, well, they hadn't slept at all.

Yes, the key is still there. Tell my babies their mother loves them. Could you bring my violin when you come tomorrow? I know I can't play but I'd like to have it with me.

u got it. bird mum says hi 2 her bird babies, bring violin. ur other baby.

Honestly, I can't argue with that.

no u cant. if there was a fire and u could only save me or ur violin u would save ur violin.

...Maybe?

c u cant even deny it. ur horrible.

No, I would save you. There's plenty of violins on the planet and only one Sarah Manning.

DAMN THAT WAS SMOOTH. THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT, THAT RIGHT THERE.

;)

-Maybe I shouldn't use that one anymore

--Oh my goodness, Sarah, I can't wink! I can never wink again!

u don't wink anyway. u don't need 2. u get the girls by business card. (NOT THAT UR GETTING ANY NOW CUZ I WOULD KICK UR BLOODY ASS AND THEIRS 2)

True. (You're the only one for me, I'm afraid. It's terribly unfortunate.)

4 being a bitch ur actually rly sweet u kno that?

Fuck. You've seen right through the façade, have you?

since day 1.

And that's why I like you. Well, it's one of the many reasons.

there r many reasons? i want 2 hear them all. flatter me. go.

Mmmm I don't think I will. Nope. Not today.

damn u.

;)

when they take the bandage off r u gonna get an eyepatch?

I believe so, why?

ud prolly look v sexy in an eyepatch. just sayin

Rachel chuckle/choked again. It was becoming increasingly inconvenient for her to be unable to laugh. Especially with Sarah, who was always making her laugh.

I would look like a pirate, Sarah. A bloody pirate. Are you sexually attracted to pirates?

... maybe.

You are! Will a peg leg and a hat complete the look?

yes. u already have the birds. i look forward to this.

You're horrible.

so r u

I am indeed. <3 

OH MY GOD RACHEL I FUCKING DID IT I CAN PLAY THE WHOLE SONG HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIIIIIIITTTTTT

CONGRATS! WHAT SONG?

not tellin. i gtg im goin 2 ur place, c u 2moro, luv ya, <3 

Fine. Love you too, I suppose. <3

Chapter Text

Sarah Manning was not usually a nervous person. But today, she was more nervous than she'd been in years.

She walked into the hospital carrying Beth's guitar and Rachel's violin, and she hoped she appeared confident as she made her way to Rachel's current room.

The guitar bit, she felt she had down. Once her fingers got used to the shapes, the chords of the song were easy to find. And she'd actually had fun strumming the three chords of the verses on an endless loop before she fell asleep.

But the singing thing? Holy shite, she was nervous for that. Sarah didn't sing. Ever. Siobhan was had been an actual in-a-band singer back in England, and Felix wasn't so bad himself. But Sarah wouldn't even sing in the car. It didn't matter the song, she just wouldn't do it. Until now. Christ, the things she did for Rachel.

Once she got the room, she stepped inside and met Rachel's stare instantly. Her girlfriend was propped up in bed with a bunch of pillows, and the wraparound bandage had been reduced to a single square.

"How is my favorite bitch doing today?" Sarah asked, sitting on the foot of the bed and taking out the guitar and the violin.

"I'm g-good. And you?" Her voice sounded exponentially better from Sarah's last visit. She still had a bit of a stutter, but she sounded strong.

"I'm nervous." Sarah laughed, and handed Rachel her violin.

She took it, cradling it with both hands, and Sarah's jaw fell open.

"Impossible," she whispered.

Rachel smiled. "Not paralyzed anymore... Apparently."

Sarah grinned. "Want the bow? We could make it a duet?"

Rachel waved her off.

"Alright then. Here goes."

Sarah cracked her neck, swallowed, and began to play the opening chords to Rachel's favorite song, "A Rush of Blood to the Head."

She'd played them perfectly so many times, but her fingers were shaking, and she nearly messed up.

When she looked up, however, Rachel had the biggest smile on her face, and Sarah knew she'd picked the right song.

And then she started to sing.

"You said I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down/I'm gonna put it six feet underground..."

It was such a destructive song, Sarah thought, so destructive and yet so sad.

She'd had a lot of time to reflect on what Coldplay had wanted it to mean: and really she had nothing.

But to her it was a song of protection.

"Oh I'm gonna buy this place and start a fire/Stand here until I fill all your hearts desires..."

Sarah and Rachel had really done their best at that in the past month. They paid attention to each other, they listened to each other, and while they both knew they were in the early, slightly delusional, stages of a relationship, they also really knew they belonged together.

"Because I'm gonna buy this place and see it burn/And do back the things it did to you in return..."

To Sarah, the place in the song was Rachel's family. And oh, did she want to hurt them the way they hurt her girlfriend. She wanted them to feel abandoned and ignored and unseen, but she just really wanted to punch them. Instead, she'd taken that anger out on the Agricola boys. Who only kind of deserved it.

"I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war/If you can tell me something worth fighting for..."

Rachel was worth fighting for. That much was certain.

As Sarah sang, she closed her eyes, pouring her heart into the song just like she'd poured her heart into the tattoo the night they met.

They'd been saying, "Love you" casually for weeks now, but it was in that moment that Sarah realized she was actually in love with Rachel.

She thought her heart was going to explode right out of her chest, and she almost stopped in the middle of the song to tell Rachel how she felt.

Instead, she pushed on, her voice only cracking slightly on the next verse.

"Honey, all the movements you're starting to make/See me crumble and fall on my face..."

And by the end of the song, she really couldn't stop smiling.

"So meet me by the bridge/Oh meet me by the lane/When am I gonna see that pretty face again/Oh meet me on the road/Meet me where I said/Blame it all upon a rush of blood to the head."

Sarah looked up at Rachel, only to find her girlfriend with tears streaming down her face. "That bad, huh?"

Rachel laughed a small laugh. "You're b-bloody b-brilliant."

Sarah beamed. "Thank you." She set down the guitar and flipped around so that she could cuddle her girlfriend properly.

"Sarah?" Rachel whispered, facing her and pressing her forehead to hers.

"Yes?"

"I am... in love... with you."

And then Sarah started crying too.

"That b-bad?" Rachel asked, reaching up a shaking hand to brush away the tears.

"I love you too, you nerd," she answered, the words coming out sloppy and emotional.

Sarah couldn't say exactly how long they stayed there. It felt like forever, but it could have been a matter of minutes.

"When I get out of here," Rachel began slowly, "would you and K-Kira... like to c-come live with me? I have... plenty of space..."

Sarah let a grin creep across her cheeks. "Look, if S lets me take Kira, which I think she will... Then yes. And even if not, I'll be over everyday to make sure you're doing alright and you've got everything you need."

Rachel rolled her eye. "All I need is you."

"Nerd."

"Rude."

"Loser."

"Wanker."

"Babe!" Sarah said, and kissed Rachel gently on the cheek.