Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chuuya laid the front passenger seat down, unbuckled his seatbelt, and curled his knees to his chest.

It was going to be a long drive to the site of their next mission, and Dazai was okay with staying awake the whole time.

Chuuya promised to kick Dazai's ass if he damaged the car.

Dazai wouldn't let that happen.

"Sweet dreams, Hatrack," Dazai murmured once Chuuya's breathing evened out. His soft gaze lingered on the redhead for a moment.

A moment is all it takes.

Honking filled the air as a semi-truck crashed into the driver's side of the car, brown eyes widened, as the door was smashed in.

Glass shattered, warm blood spilt on the meticulously cared-for leather seats. The metal rods the semi was carrying shot through the already broken window and out the other. More glass shards, more blood.

Chuuya was...

Safe. His seat was laid back causing him to escape mostly unscathed.

But Dazai...

Too shallow breaths seemed to echo in the car, ears ringing, a quiet voice croaked out.

"Chuuya, are you alright..?"

The redhead was awake at this point, the truck's horns jarring him and, although drowsy, allowing him to use gravity to stop himself from flying through the windshield.

The car was totalled. This was the second time shitty Dazai had been the one at fault for the destruction of the mafioso's vehicles.

Chuuya bit back a snappy remark, staring in horror at Dazai, scanning his body and taking in the damage. While Chuuya wasn't that hurt, Dazai...

There was metal stuck in his bicep, glass shards sticking out from his skin in more places than could be counted.

And yet...

He was worried about Chuuya.

The detective agency made him soft.

Chuuya made him feel... warm.

He was weak.

He was in love.

He didn't realise it until now, but his heart was beating out of his chest. Nothing else mattered except Chuuya. He couldn't even feel the damage that had been done to his body, he wasn't scared of dying. The only thing that scared him in this world, was losing his partner.

It didn't matter if Chuuya hated him. It didn't matter if the redhead refused to ever look him in the eyes again.

...

Okay well maybe it did but that's not the point. Dazai doesn't care more about anything than he does for Chuuya. Not even suicide.

But...

It was too late for that realisation.

Chuuya crawled over the centre console. "Dazai don't you fucking dare. Keep your eyes open, look at me Dazai!" A soft hand reached to his cheek and he subconsciously leaned into it with everything he had. A shaky voice led him to the realisation that Chuuya was scared.

Dazai couldn't hear anything, he only saw Chuuya's lips moving. God his lips. Dazai wanted to kiss him until he was breathless.

Only now, Dazai was the breathless one. Chuuya had his phone to his ear, a call presumably in process.

But was there time..?

Chuuya was shaking. Dazai wanted to calm him down, but his chest felt like it was aflame. He opened his mouth and quickly closed it realising his voice had once again failed him at a vital moment.

He felt something... warm on his hand. assuming it to be blood, he didn't think anything of it.

It's dripping onto his hand. His gaze gravitated to Chuuya's, he could hardly keep his eyelids from falling shut but he had to ensure Chuuya was okay.

Chuuya was not okay.

He was crying.

Dazai would have teased Chuuya for it in any other situation, but now? He would give anything in the world to not have to see those beautiful eyes tainted by such vile tears.

Why should Chuuya be crying? he was okay...wasn't he?

Dazai's mind raced. What if Chuuya was hiding an injury? Despite Dazai's teasing, Chuuya wasn't weak. He was the strongest-willed being Dazai had ever met. If the injury had him in tears it must be bad.

He is an idiot.

But he didn't realise that anybody could ever care about him in a way that mattered.

"DAZAI KEEP YOUR EY-"

Dazai fell unconscious.

------------------------------------------------------------

Beep.

...

Beep.

...

Ah.

Wait.

Dazai quickly pulled himself into a sitting position, wincing at the strain it put on his wounds.

Chuuya was by his side at once. The redhead's hat lay forgotten, his hair a mess. If there were a mirror around, Chuuya would surely have a fit.

That was almost enough to make Dazai laugh if it weren't for the flaring pain in his right side and arm.

Not only that, but something was clawing inside him. No Longer Human had grown anxious at the near loss of its host—and now? It was craving. The feeling would be enough to have anyone doubled over, even Dazai couldn't fake normalcy with ease.

"Dazai- you bastard! I told you not to fuck up my car!" Chuuya raved in an angry voice, the true words lying thickly disguised beneath his veil of anger. This was easier for them, the rage. It was expected. Worry, on the other hand, was foreign.

"I'm sorry, Chibi, I'll just have to do better next time," Dazai wheezed without his normal teasing lilt.

Chuuya's eyes blew open a fraction more in fear. "Dazai.." a beat. "You're gonna be okay, shithead." You've got to be lay unspoken.

Dazai faked a smile, but it quickly turned into a grimace as he started to cough, covering his mouth. Once the fit subsided, he removed his hand, spotting a scarlet coating over his palm.

"I hate hospitals," Dazai groaned out before coughs racked his body once more, blood continuing to come up through his agony.

"Shit, Dazai. What the hell happened? You may have a death wish but that doesn't mean I want to go with you." They ignored the blood, both having gone through worse in their mafia days.

Dazai had been distracted.

"He came out of nowhere."

Liar.

The attempt at a falsehood sounded feeble even to Dazai, his voice was giving him away too easily in his current state, this was bad.

Quickly attempting to change the subject, Dazai brought up the Agency. "Did you tell them?"

"Of course not, just because I wasn't 'The Demon Prodigy' doesn't mean I'm a dumbass."

No further words needed to be shared, they both understood what one another meant beneath the courtesy of regular conversation.

Dazai's hand lay palm up beside him, the other balled up disguising the layer of blood coating it from his previous attack.

The chair Chuuya was settled in skid across the bare floor as he stood and stepped cautiously towards the bed.

"Move over."

"What?"

"I said move over, damnit! I didn't think you damaged your brain as well as your body."

Dazai did as the mafioso demanded, not even bothering to hide the hiss through clenched teeth. Chuuya deserved to know his wish brought pain to the brunette, he thought in an attempt at humour.

As soon as the space was unoccupied, Chuuya settled down and buried his head in Dazai's chest.

"Chu-"

"Arahabaki."

"Huh?"

"He's been louder. I'm only doing this because you calm him down, Idiot."

A part of Dazai's heart cracked at that knowledge. He wished it were something else. He craved something more.

But, those words also brought along another realisation.

"No Longer Human has been uneasy."

The redhead grunted in response. Knowing Dazai wouldn't get any more acknowledgement, he continued.

"I think it was worried I would die. Not because it cares, of course, but because then it would lack a vessel."

Chuuya gripped Dazai's hospital gown tightly and murmured something inaudible into his chest.

"What was that, Chibi? use your words~" Dazai managed to bring himself to tease the shorter one once more, despite the pain his body was undergoing.

"...worried you'd die too"

"I'm sorry, I still didn't catch that."

The grip grew even tighter, his knuckles white and ears redder than any blood either of them had ever spilt.

"I was worried you would die, too. Fuckface."

Ah.

Ah.

Dazai was truly at a loss.

Chuuya? Worried? About Dazai?

This must be a fever dream.

Chuuya must have thought he said something wrong because he looked up. When their eyes met, his face went scarlet.

"Are you sick?" Dazai asked with a cock of his head

Chuuya quickly hid his face again and groaned.

"You're killing me, Dazai."

The usual facade that got put up around Chuuya was long forgotten, Dazai brought his arms around Chuuya and rubbed his back.

"I'm sorry."

Chuuya seemed to stiffen in his arms.

"What?"

When the redhead got no response he begrudgingly made eye contact with Dazai once more.

"The hell are you sorry for? Did you seriously get brain damage from that wreck or what? I know it's rattling around up there but I never thought it was that loose," Chuuya sneered.

This time it was Dazai who looked away, his eyes glazing over in an uncomfortably familiar manner, one that Chuuya hadn't seen since they were 18.

"You shouldn't be worrying about me, there's no need. I don't deserve it. Not from anybody—especially not from you."

Dazai realised too late what he had let slip and looked back at Chuuya to see his eyes narrowed.

"You're right. You don't deserve it—any of it. You fucking left me Dazai! You left me without a care in the world. Did I really mean so little to you?"

Chuuya was pissed, Dazai deserved it.

Chuuya was wrong.

Cutting his chuckle short, Dazai coughed up more blood.

"The hell do you find funny, Bastard?"

"Oh, Chuuya~ I knew you weren't the brightest but I'm amazed you haven't managed to figure it out yet," the brunette cooed.

"What is there to find out? I already know you're a piece of shit. I'm lea-" Chuuya pulled away as he spoke, and tried to shift off the bed when Dazai latched onto his wrist.

"Chuuya..." Dazai started nervously and the redhead fell silent because he was serious for once.

He was using his free hand to cover the bottom portion of his face, his cheeks redder than the other's hair.

"Are you coming down with something? Spit it out!" Chuuya clenched his teeth despite the worry clawing at his heart.

"I love you." a beat. "I am in love with you."

"HAH???" Chuuya screeched as his face became a brighter shade of red than the carefully arranged Chrysanthemums on the bedside table.

Where had those flowers come from?

Dazai released the other's wrist and let his gaze fall on the tiled floor as his hand settled in a fist at his side.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep you, I'll tell Fukuzawa to not pair us again. Soukoku won't be needed anymo-"

He was cut off by a tentative touch to his cheek as incredibly soft lips caught his own, rougher pair. Chuuya climbed back onto the bed and settled in Dazai's lap, careful to avoid his injured side.

The heat of the moment was scorching, but the touches weren't desperate, they were...

delicate.

Dazai had grown accustomed to needy drunk kissers, trying to claim every last bit of him in their haste to forget the night. But this? This was nothing like that. And yet, it was... exciting.

Once neither of them could hold their breath any longer they pulled apart, Chuuya resting his head in the crook of the taller one's neck.

Dazai inhaled to make a remark but Chuuya pressed a shaky finger to his lips.

"I- I love you, too." He managed to get out after a momentary loss of his voice.

Dazai's eyes had never been wider, he hadn't anticipated this. He hadn't thought out a second of this encounter ahead of time. Hell, he planned to be out of Chuuya's presence by this point, having already finished the mission they had been assigned by their superiors.

After a long pause, Dazai spoke quietly, as if trying not to scare a creature new to the world.

"It was the hardest thing I ever did— leaving you. I've loved you since we had our first mission. I never thought I could wish to be in someone's presence, but, despite how annoying you are, I never wanted to leave your side. You made me feel... human."

Silence filled the room, Chuuya's hot breath tickled Dazai's bare skin where bandages would typically settle.

"I drank until I blacked out—when you left. That Petrus was meant for a 'special occasion' but I felt so-" his voice cracked. "So empty and I just wanted something to fill the hole your absence left. I drank until I couldn't remember what day it was and then I drank more. Ane-san said I didn't leave my room for months, but I don't know. I can't remember a thing except for the pain of losing my partner."

Warm drops spilt onto Dazai's skin, and he pulled Chuuya in closer, their bodies fitting together like they were never meant to be apart.

"You bastard, I don't ever cry like this." A feeble attempt at a laugh echoed through the otherwise silent room.

A sniffle.

"Oi are you-"

All of a sudden, years of desperately hidden anguish slipped past his carefully sculpted masks and Dazai was sobbing.

Chuuya's attempt to look up at him was countered by Dazai burying his face in the redhead's shoulder as quiet sobs racked his taut frame.

Chuuya brought his arms around Dazai and rubbed circles into his back. Dazai let everything out, all the pain that he had kept methodically subdued, refused to be silenced any longer.

"Crying doesn't make you weak, Dazai. The fact you're here at all makes you stronger than the world could ever understand," the mafioso whispered into the detective's ear.

His cries increased in volume despite himself, as he grabbed a fistful of Chuuya's shirt.

Chuuya continued to speak quietly to Dazai, not because he thought of him as fragile, no, but because he was dangerous.

Arahabaki was silent, No Longer Human was satisfied. Despite their differences, the two worked together in more ways than could be counted, and they would surely stick together against all odds.

When Dazai had stopped shaking and the room grew quiet once more, Chuuya chuckled.

"The boss is gonna have my head for this one."

Dazai hummed in agreement.

"I wouldn't let him hurt you."

Chuuya's stomach flipped at the soft tone in Dazai's broken voice.

"...I know."

The two were content to stay in the moment forever, but they still had work to do.

"Mori and Fukuzawa are going to expect an explanation for the delay," Dazai stated simply.

They both knew it to be true, their superiors would be confused at how Soukoku had managed to fail a mission.

"You wanna report to the Agency and let them know about the incident?" Chuuya asked in response.

Tightening his grip around the redhead, Dazai murmured, "Can't we stay here for a bit longer..?"

"You're a clingy bastard," Chuuya complained, but it held no true venom.

"Because I love my boyfriend~!" Dazai responded cheerily, before dropping that facade and adding on quietly, "Sorry, I get it if you don't-" He was interrupted by a firm grip on his chin and a chaste kiss on the lips.

"That good enough of an answer, Jackass?" Chuuya teased as a deep blush dusted across his cheeks.

Dazai finally raised his head and let his gaze fall on the beautiful man he had fallen for. He studied his face carefully, counting each individual freckle in case Chuuya woke up tomorrow and decided he never wanted to speak to Dazai again.

If this was it, Dazai would remember even the tiniest details, like how Chuuya's nose rounded off or how easy it was to get lost in bluish-grey eyes, akin to the sky on a stormy day. The way vibrant flames curled perfectly around ivory skin as if to frame a masterpiece, or the dusting of pink that would turn progressively darker at any show of affection.

"A picture would last longer, y'know." Chuuya's voice broke into Dazai's thoughts, bringing him back to reality.

"But it could never truly capture the radiance of your beauty," Dazai responded in awe, and he was being honest. That seemed to be a theme of the day.

Chuuya's face turned scarlet, his lips parting to make a comeback, and Dazai took the window of opportunity.

Pulling Chuuya in for another kiss, their lips fitting together, mismatched pieces somehow managing to make a completed puzzle. Chuuya's bare hand caught Dazai's, their fingers intertwining, hands not fitting physically yet it felt perfect.

When had he taken his gloves off?

Dazai's free hand found itself in ginger locks, twirling the soft curls around his callused fingertips.

There was a soft graze against his cheek moments before Chuuya's hand settled there, thumb rubbing back and forth gently. They continued their kiss, breaking apart for brief moments to gasp in air, but not going about it desperately.

This kiss wasn't to forget anything, it was out of love—something Dazai had never experienced before he met the short ginger in desperate need of anger management lessons.

They parted sooner than either wished, but short breaths of oxygen weren't enough to keep a heart pumping forever. Foreheads resting together, they sat in silence as their breathing patterns evened out.

"Maybe hospitals aren't so bad," Dazai wheezed out before coughs racked his body.

A sigh.

"You're an idiot. We better get moving before a doctor comes to check up on you and your views on this place change." Chuuya reached beside the bed and grabbed a bag holding Dazai's things.

"Hurry up and change so we can get outta here," he growled before unravelling their bodies and stretching beside the bed, back facing Dazai.

A sharp wince led to Chuuya calling out, "Dazai? You okay back there?"

"Does Chuuya think he could be so kind as to help out an injured man in dressing?" Dazai half-heartedly attempted to mask the pain in his voice.

Hesitating for a moment, Chuuya eventually turned around and saw the state of Dazai. Sweat was beading down his forehead and his hair was messy, bandages bloody, a fake grin occupying his face.

"Damnit, Dazai. Why the hell didn't you just ask in the first place?" He sighed and walked around the bed to help Dazai pull on his trousers, taking in the scars covering his arms and legs now that his typical bandages were gone. A look of unease crossed Dazai's gaze, but only for a moment.

Chuuya caught it, though, and knew very well what the cause was.

"I wouldn't let them take your bandages off. I dealt with the wounds to your arms myself, after a few threats towards the doctors, they relented."

Chuuya paused and when Dazai averted his gaze he decided it was worth adding.

"It should be up to you whether or not anyone gets to see you without the bandages and I'm sorry that was taken from you."

"I'm glad it was you."

Dazai's voice was quiet. Too quiet.

"But?" Chuuya questioned softly.

"Do you not hate what you see?" His voice was filled with disgust, "I mean, it's hideous. Inhuman. It's-"

"Dazai."

The normally composed brunette was in a panic and at the sound of his name, he froze, gaze returning to the redhead who called it.

"The only thing I hate is that you had to go through whatever made you do this to yourself. You are not a monster. Stop treating yourself like one." His voice was stern but his gaze was soft, contradictory, just like everything else between the pair.

A silent tear rolling down Dazai's cheek was acknowledgement enough for Chuuya. He pulled the man's top over his head, carefully guiding his arms through the proper holes.

"This isn't what I was wearing before," Dazai weakly stated.

The ginger gave a small smile and shook his head.

"I went to your apartment and grabbed fresh clothes, what you were wearing in the wreck was coated in blood, and I- I wanted you to be comfortable," Chuuya mumbled the last bit.

Dazai glanced down at his clothes; basic black trousers and a red turtleneck jumper adorned his body and he smiled realising the mafioso across from him was wearing a jumper as well, in blue.

"We're matching," Dazai said with a grin. A genuine smile.

Chuuya flushed and softly hit his uninjured side.

"Bastard. We've gotta go talk to Fukuzawa."

------------------------------------------------------------

The trip to the Agency was less than ideal. Getting out of the hospital undetected was the easy part. Getting Dazai's injured ass there in one piece was the challenge.

Once they were on the block Dazai seemed to regain enough of his strength to appear in shape. Climbing to the second floor left Dazai needing a moment to stabilise his breathing. Whoever decided to house the agency up such steep stairs deserved a special place in hell.

Putting up his typical facade, he pushed open the door and flashed a cheery smile, Chuuya staying a few steps behind so as not to be the immediate focal point of the detectives.

The lanky brunette was instantly met by an even taller blonde yelling at him. "What are you doing back here, Dazai? You're supposed to be on a mission with Nakaha- Why the hell is he here too?"

"Oh, Kunikidaaa~ We're just here for our mission report!" Dazai replied with a big grin and waved Kunikida off as if that explained the situation in its entirety.

"You-" The blonde began before pinching the bridge of his nose with a sigh, "As long as you did your assignment I don't have much to say to you."

"Ah, well, about that. I actually got into a car crash!" Dazai exclaimed as if it were a wonderful occurrence, and considering how outrageous he was, his co-workers might agree.

"HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO-"

"Just let them give Fukuzawa their report, Kunikida," Ranpo interjected from his perch on a nearby desk, holding a knowing tone.

With a smile sent Ranpo's way, Dazai grabbed Chuuya's hand and pulled him towards Fukuzawa's office, only to be stopped once more by another member of the Agency.

"Welcome back Dazai! Hello Mr Fancy Hat!" Kenji waved with the same cheerful demeanour the kid always held, genuine, unlike Dazai's many masks.

After Chuuya sent a polite nod and Dazai beamed Kenji's way, the pair knocked on Fukuzawa's door to let him know about their unfortunate failure.

After briefing him on what occurred, Fukuzawa nodded. "I see. I'll send Akutagawa and Atsushi to handle this in your absence. I trust you received medical attention already?"

Once Fukuzawa was satisfied with Dazai's response he sent him off with the promise of time spent resting, not wanting to see him back until his body had fully recovered from all injuries.

Exchanging goodbyes, they went to exit the room, but Chuuya was held back by a beckoning. "And Nakahara? Be sure that Dazai doesn't partake in any... strenuous activities during his period of recovery." Catching on to what was being implied the mafioso turned scarlet, giving a curt nod before quickly exiting the office and burying his face in his free arm.

Groaning, Chuuya murmured, "You are so embarrassing, Mackerel."

"Love you too, Slug."

Unfortunately for the redhead, their exchange had been overheard. But luckily enough, everyone just assumed it was another of Dazai's terrible jokes.

"Leave Nakahara alone, Dazai. He already had to deal with you enough today as is," Kunikida called out from where he was scribbling away in his notebook.

"But Kunikida.." Dazai pouted pointedly, "Chibi is in love with me!"

Kunikida's pen snapped. At this point, everyone who was present was staring at the pair who hated each other. But...did they really?

Chuuya sputtered and whacked Dazai in his uninjured arm. "Shut it, you slimy bastard!" But any arguments would have fallen short, given the fact their hands were quite literally intertwined for all to see.

"I think Chibi is just-" already tired of what was about to leave Dazai's mouth, Chuuya wrapped the same arm he had used to hit the other behind Dazai's head and stretched up to place a kiss on his lips, being sure to make it last short enough to leave him wanting more but long enough to prove a point.

"Pay up, Yosano!" Ranpo shouted across the room with an accomplished grin on his face.

"There's no way you could've known that would happen! What gave it away?" Yosano groaned as she fished out the money required for the lost bet.

Dazai was still standing stunned, looking down to meet Chuuya's gaze. The pair were looking at one another as if no one else existed.

"That! The way they look at each other. No one looks at someone they hate with those eyes. It was so obvious the entire time!" Ranpo claimed with a laugh as he popped a Lolli in his mouth, proud of his new earnings.

Wait.

"You were betting on our relationship??" The pair called out in unison, exasperated at how the detectives spent their free time.

Holding his hands up Ranpo shot them a sly smile. "I've gotta pay for these snacks somehow, you made it too easy."

"Bastard." Chuuya growled under his breath before burying his reddening face in Dazai's chest.

"There there, Chibi. Being in a public relationship with me may not be the greatest, but I'm sure you've been through worse!" Dazai 'joked' with a smile.

"I disagree."

Dazai's heart plummeted at such a simple phrase. He couldn't believe it was over so quickly. What if he forgot the way freckles lined Chuuya's cheeks in the same way constellations filled the night sky? What if he couldn't remember the softness of Chuuya's lips against his skin? What if-

"Being in a relationship with you is not what I expected, but I wouldn't change our current standings for anything," Chuuya said with a grin as he pulled Dazai in for another soft kiss.

Dazai's heart fluttered, despite his insecurities, he was truly happy.

Chuuya's head swam with thoughts, his stomach filled with butterflies. He had never felt so warm.

They were an odd pair, anyone would agree. But not all pieces of a puzzle are perfectly cut, rough edges are bound to be present. None of that really mattered to them, because despite it all, they loved each other—and wasn't that enough?