Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

he felt it, the shift. right there in the baby section, looking at the cutesy and soft baby blankets. he wasn't even meant to be standing in this section but his legs had subconsciously led him there. he blinks his eyes away, a bit dazed. he doesn’t know what’s come over him when suddenly he’s standing in the middle of the baby section looking at blankets. their soft designs and soft threads, sparking a happy feeling in felix’s brain. one he doesn’t quite truly understand but he’s happy. not many other customers are in this section. able to watch the boy, pet at the softness of the blankets on the white rack before him. it’s normal, he thinks . to be drawn to cute items but then he shakes his head as his fingers fall. yet, he knows it’s not. not for him.

felix is already holding two bags of chips in his arms when he takes the blanket off the hook. he holds it, examining the texture before walking away with it. it’s cute. how could someone not buy it? if his members were to ask he’d just say it was cute so he bought it. that’s all that he is. cute. never a bad thing, he’s just able to buy and get away with things more.

he walks to self checkout, adjusting his mask before greeting the employee at the self checkout. he’s quick to scan his chips and blanket, put them in a black plastic bag, pay, and walk out of the store. his walk back to the apartment is quick, only acknowledging some strangers on the street before he’s in front of the building. 

once again he walks in, greeting the doorman and walking towards the elevators. he stands in the elevator, other neighbors in the complex standing beside him as he’s cornered in the silver box. he squeezes the top of the bag with a fist, not daring to let nosey neighbors take a peek. one by one, they get off in pairs or individual at their floors. felix now stands alone, a few stops from his dorm. he swallows, feeling the shift again. he squeezes his eyes, doing his best to subconsciously talk himself out of it. he’s not ready to fall. he’s never dropped before. to be honest, he doesn’t know how he hasn’t yet but today felt like it was going to be that day, unfortunately. 

he wasn’t anxious, at least he doesn’t think so. he ate today so it’s not a lack of energy. he’s perfectly fine but his brain is still pushing him to the edge. threatening to fall without any guidance. he’s afraid but he knows his group, seven qualified caregivers will take care of him if he does but how does he know that to them he’s just a disguised “neutral” of the group. as he thinks, he’s overwhelmed in panic. suddenly the silver walls are concaving and his heart rate is picking up. he opens his eyes at the same time it’s time to get off on his apartment's floor. he pushes past other neighbors in waiting, apologizing as he quickly steps out into the hallway. the designed elevator doors close as he lets himself lower to the floor. 

confusion is scary. he thinks. they’ll take care of him. he knows they will but he’s scared.

the only sound in the corridor is harsh yet soft breathing and the sounds of the elevator. he stands up slowly, gripping the black plastic bag, adjusting his face mask, and walking towards the apartment with his head down. the walk feels like forever yet it’s only a few minutes. he sighs, using his key to open the brown door. the group used to live in separate dorms until chan and minho, both leaders of the dorms got worried about the separation and asked for them to move yet again. everyone agreed, felix just going along and understanding the worry of the separation. they could be seen as “helicopter parents” but they were just close and worried about every member. 

when the door opened, felix was met with an eerie silence. normally the dorm was pretty rowdy, someone was always yelling or games on the television were being played but today, it was silent. in the kitchen, he heard the microwave beep and someone open it. he slipped off his shoes, pocketing the mask, and walked down the narrow hallway. “ah, yongbok-ah, where were you?” he turned, spotting jisung, resting against the countertop, eating something out of a bowl and minho sipping at a mug. “market.” he mumbled, showing the bag that he soon regretted. jisung soon rushed over, grabbing for the bag but felix could only let out of sound of panic from the back of his throat. 

jisung stepped back, noticing the shift of tension as he stared at felix who now looked like he witnessed a tragedy. “felix, i’m sorry i didn’t mean to scare you.” jisung apologized but felix has already taken off towards his room. 

the duo in the kitchen only stared at each other, confused at the suddenness of the younger aussie. granted, they knew he was sensitive with his emotions and actions but that incident was different than the rest. they didn’t say anything just continued at the conversation they were having beforehand, each of them glancing down the hallway to felix’s room.

felix entered his room, closing the door with shaky fingers hovering over the lock. he decided against the idea of locking it, instead taking out the chips in his bag, throwing them on his desk, and finally the blanket. he takes off the baby blankets packaging, soft blues and yellows instantly easing his anxiety. he could only stare at the scattered yellow stars on the soft blue blanket, not daring to touch it just yet. he felt like he was wavering between reality and truth. the reality was the now but the truth was what he was hiding from his group. how he wasn’t a neutral, in fact so far from a neutral. 

he stood up with the blanket, opening it up and placing it on his bed. he sighed loudly, grabbing his glasses and putting them on. talking to stay would take his mind off everything. he climbed onto his bed, grabbing his skzoo, bbokari, and hiding the newfound blanket under him. he adjusted the lights before taking pics for stay. after a few patient minutes, he selected the chosen ones and sent them to stay. he closed his eyes for a moment, his brain hazing and foggy but content. 

suddenly, buzzing from his burner phone was vibrating his side table endlessly. he sat up, a hand on his head, and stared at the notifications. twitter. he inhaled as he opened the notifications and stared at the tweets from stays.

@straykidsussy: it’s a shame felix is a neutral, he’d make the cutest little 

@SOURGRAPELINO: lee felix, you perfect angel baby

@wolfchanatemygrandma: there’s no way felix isn’t a little… suspicious behavior 

@seungminnie0325 responded to @wolfchanatemygrandma: no honestly, the way he acts, as a classified little myself, he’s playing the system, one of these days he’ll slip up 

he scrolled, his lip sinking into his lip as he read the comments, all the same. he shook his head, turning off the phone and setting it back on his cluttered side table. with closed eyes, he shook off the comments. he laid back down in bed, adjusting bbokari and his new blanket, pulling it up to his chin, and falling asleep. 

🐣

it had been hours later when minho had shaken him awake to help make dinner. felix only nodded, getting up in an unstable headspace and followed after minho. when the two had entered the kitchen, felix could only stare and whine at the bright fluorescent lighting. seungmin was sitting at the kitchen’s bar top for added support. “lixie, can you grab me a pot from the cabinet near the stove?” minho asked, washing his hands as seungmin watched the black haired austrailian sink down to a different cabinet, pulling out a pan and holding it up for minho. minho turned around, staring at the pan in a sleepy felix’s hands. “no baby, a pot, you know what a pot is.” felix whined, insisting for his hyung to take the pan instead. minho and seungmin glanced at each other before minho took the pan, setting it aside. 

“you’re not getting sick, are you lix?” seungmin asked, moving off the stool and walking towards felix. seungmin was soft with his movements, bending down and placing a hand on felix’s forehead. felix shook the hand off, whining yet again. “not a fever, at least from what i felt. maybe he’s just tired.” seungmin announced, acting as if felix wasn’t there in front of him. “he had a four hour nap.” minho replied, eyes busy on cutting up the vegetables. 

“can you get lino hyung the pot yongbokie?” seungmin asked, eyes calculating felix’s every move. felix only pouted back. “please?” seungmin pushed. felix sighed, reaching into the same cabinet and pulling out a strainer, holding it out for minho. seungmin had cracked the code. “felix, that’s not a pot, that’s a strainer from a cabinet lino didn’t ask you to open.” felix had his head in his arm that wasn’t being outstretched. his head was going through it, the pounding, the want to release and let go, taunting at him. anything could make him slip, a word, an action. he needed seungmin to just leave him alone, for five seconds. 

seungmin had stood up, taking the strainer from felix’s hand that had now retracted, putting the strainer back into the cabinet, and walking over to minho, whispering something in his ear before getting the pot for his hyung and exiting. 

“felix, you can’t stay in the kitchen if you’re not going to help, you can get hurt. i don’t want you hurt, hm? now go to the living room and lay down before i call in reinforcements to help move you.” felix ignored the soft tone and was instead getting comfortable in his squat on the floor. minho turned, staring down at the stubborn boy. the front door opened and closed as chan, changbin, and hyunjin walked in, chatting with each other. as the three passed the kitchen, chan stopped and stared. “what did i miss?” he asked, confused as to why felix was on the floor and minho was only staring down at him.

“well mister lee down there is sleepy and becoming stubborn, can you please take him back to his room or living room? i don’t want to hurt him if he’s in the way.” minho asked, his tone joking yet soft as he stared in between chan and felix. “yeah sure, do you want help?” chan asked, walking slowly over to felix, bending down and scooping up the younger australian who didn’t retaliate the action, instead leaned into it.  

“your help? ha, i’d rather set the entire apartment on fire myself but yes, yes i do, can you go get hyunjin. he’s decent enough at cooking.” minho smiled, blowing a kiss at the leader. “you see how he treats me, so rude.” chan spoke, shaking his head as he set off to find hyunjin. he found the brunette in seungmin’s room, standing against the doorframe as they talked about felix. “jinnie, you’re needed in the kitchen.” hyunjin was quick to turn around in the doorframe, nodding to seungmin and walking towards chan with a sleeping felix on his hip. 

“he’s even cuter when he’s not trying to act like a neutral.” hyunjin laughed, walking past the two and into the kitchen. chan smiled, tilting his head down to look at felix all wrapped in his arms. a part of him was happy, that finally the younger australian had somewhat slipped in between headspaces but he knew that they’d need to have that conversation soon, whether felix liked it or not. chan walked back towards the kitchen, watching the two caregivers work and make dinner for the others. it was clear that felix was back in a deep sleep again so if they talked about him, it wouldn’t hurt his feelings. 

“do we know how and or what caused it?” chan asked, rubbing felix’s back as he watched minho put a bowl in the microwave. “he came home from the convenience store, jisung went up to him, you know how he is, that chaotic jisung energy,” minho looked at chan, before opening up the microwave and continuing,” and felix was taken back, almost heavily sensitive which is never normal and then ran off into his room where he slept for four hours. i went to wake him up and he was in between headspaces it felt like. he wasn’t just tired, he was fighting his biology. poor boy didn't know what a pot was. he pulled out a pan and a strainer from an entirely different cabinet.” minho explained.

“do you think he found an item and that made him slip or pressure him to be in between headspaces?” chan asked, eyebrows furrowing. minho shrugged. “i’ll go look in his room after i put him down.” chan turned on his heel, placing felix down on his back on the couch, covering him with a blanket before walking towards felix’s room.

everybody has a secret but lee felix's was the easiest to see through and piece together. 

Chapter Text

 ahhh my brain hurts :)

i've been writing this all day, i really hope you enjoy 

trying to figure out to make a decent enough collage then trying to upload it... my brain, my brain 
p.s. i also used minho's dialogue of them in skzcode eight/nine because that minlix moment is so CUTE!! 

please enjoy, love you all, thanks for the support always !! <3

🐣

it had only been minutes since chan had entered their neutral’s room. it was a standard room, plushies on the bed, messy piles of clothes on the floor. as chan snooped around, he noticed a black plastic bag lazily thrown towards the aussie’s trashcan near his desk. the older bent down, uncrumpling the plastic bag in his hands, flipping it around, and noticing the store’s label printed on the front. an adventurous hand reached into the bag and pulled out the receipt. the date and time at the top with the items listed below. two bags of chips and a blue and yellow baby blanket. chan looked up, eyes scanning over felix’s messy room for the blanket. he walked over to the bed and noticed the blanket, hidden under bbokari and other plushies. he sighed, grabbing at the blanket and walking out of the room with the black bag and receipt in one hand and a blanket in the other. 

minho was still in the kitchen, finalizing the meal while hyunjin set the dinner table. chan wasn’t disappointed, he wasn’t mad, but he was upset. upset as a leader and a caregiver. how had he not seen the signs of struggling anxiety and stress? the slightest want of wanting to regress but fighting biology. his other friends, members, company colleagues, and fans had noted felix’s actions, but he always blew it off. felix would always tell him the truth. 

“he’s a liar, isn’t he?” jisung asked, standing at the end of the bedroom hallway. arms crossed as he glanced between chan, the blanket, and felix asleep. “i knew it. the moment i rushed felix, he looked terrified, like he was on the very urge to slip.” jisung scoffed, turning on his heel to go back to his bedroom. chan followed suit, going to put felix’s items in his own room. 

🐣

dinner had gone normal that night. changbin poking the soft cheek of the little and waking him up and ushering him to the dinner table. they thanked minho for the meal, hyunjin for assisting, and then let the jeongin take the first bite. different conversations were being talked around the table, some about filming for a new episode for their reality show, the debate about the best and worst animes and studio ghibli films, the latest fashion trends, and questions about caregiver biology. felix sat next to changbin, eating silently as he tried his best to zone in on each conversation, but it was so much. it was overwhelming him so much that he stopped eating. he sat, hands in his lap as he looked around at each member, asking himself if they’d take care of him if he told them his secret. 

he imagined chan and himself at work, felix sitting on chan’s lap as chan shared music with him. headphones covering his freckled ears as he giggled and clapped at chan’s songs and demos. he imagined sitting on the floor in the kitchen as minho cooked or baked, felix helping minho put ingredients in a bowl and making a mess. changbin would be soft with him, weaker for him than he is now, showing him off to the world as the group's prized possession and protecting him from any of the mean people who commented on felix. hyunjin would be the same way. hyunjin would post felix’s pictures and drawings to bubble and instagram, praising his artwork to their fans. jisung, he imagined, would make forts on off days, turning the entire apartment into an introvert’s cozy dream. seungmin would enjoy how little felix thinks, watch him get excited at the new findings and praise him for being the most intelligent boy. lastly, jeongin would play games with him, whether imaginary or on their game consoles. kissing his nose every time he let little felix win. congratulating him on the win. it would be soft and comfortable, but of course, he’d had bad days too, and they’d still take care of felix, no matter the good or bad day.

plates and bowls are picked up as felix stays put. it’s when jeongin drops a spoon on the table that felix is alert and notices that he’s the only one left at the table. jeongin apologizes, his signature smile taking form on his face. jeongin walks away, not acknowledging the fact that felix now sits alone. the noise of felix’s chair being pushed back as he slowly stands from the table. felix moves to go to the living room. his other seven members overflow across the space in the living room. “caregiver meeting, sorry bubs.” jisung states, noticing the slight confusion in felix’s look. “oh, okay.” felix mutters, exiting himself from the living room and silently going to his room. when he enters, he throws himself on his bed, grabbing his phone from the side table and tapping the screen. so many notifications, too many . he thinks. he puts his phone on his stomach, staring into the void of the ceiling.

🐣

 the following day, felix is asleep in his bed when his bedroom door is suddenly opened softly. in walks in the maknae, his outfit for the day on. “felix, it’s time to get up. we need to go film.” jeongin speaks, softly poking at felix’s shoulder. the black-haired boy shrugs, eyes blinking away the sleep in his eyes. felix yawns, removing ryan from his arms and putting the bear near the wall on his bed. “film?” felix asks, sitting up and rubbing the sleep away with the palms of his fists. jeongin tries his hardest not the coo at the sleepy boy before him. “yes, baby, we have a skzcode to film. your outfit for the shoot is on your desk so get ready. we have twenty minutes until we leave.” jeongin states, ruffling felix’s hair before leaving the boy alone again. 

the others are outside in the living room, all of them waiting for felix. changbin squats near the couch, adjusting his backpack on his back while also preparing a baby bag for felix, just in case the events today result in him slipping. the yellow and blue blanket that was stolen, one of felix’s beloved bunny plushie, carrot that they managed to take out of his grasp while he was sleeping, his comfort brown fuzzy jacket, and a few other items. they were underprepared, but this bag would have to do until the secret dared to reveal itself. the meeting the night before, chan had explained everything to the confused group of caregivers. how minho and seungmin witnessed an in-between headspace, the purchased blanket, and the interaction with jisung. the filming for today was a surprise. normally the staff hinted at what was to happen and be filmed for the day, but today was the director and creative writer’s surprise treat. the group was supposed to be in matching outfits and accessories. minho had texted their stylist that morning and asked if felix could be dressed in a softer outfit choice. the request must have thrown off the stylist because when outfits were delivered this morning, the members had seven black outfits that had been worn before to music shows, and felix had a totally different outfit.

 “he’s going to question why we’re in all black, and he’s in his soft orange sweater from one of his asmr episodes.” jisung stated, adjusting one of his rings on his index finger, looking up and scanning at everyone else. 

“he’s half asleep. i’m sure he’ll be focused on waking up for the episode.” jeongin stated, looking in the kitchen where minho was making a small breakfast bowl for the ride to the location for felix to eat. they heard a door open, and suddenly felix was walking out, a black beret perched on his head and two loose white strings hanging down. with a pout, he approached hyunjin, silently asking hyunjin if he could tie the strings into a bow. hyunjin only smiled at the request, finishing the task and cupping felix’s cheeks in his hands. chan had looked down, noticing the vibration of his phone. “alright, downstairs we go. felix, collect your bowl from minho and start eating.” chan announced, getting up and signaling everyone else to do the same. once shoes were on and everyone was out of the apartment with the door locked, they started for the apartment lobby. chan stood at the back with changbin, taking the baby bag from changbin so felix would be less suspicious. 

once they passed the lobby, they walked out to the vans, splitting into two groups for the vans. felix was sat in a van with hyunjin, jisung and seungmin. an easy and reasonably quiet ride. felix ate the pancake minho had made alongside his fruit and yogurt, earning praise from the three when he finished. felix blew off the praise, watching the scenery move alongside him as they traveled. jisung and seungmin listening to music on their phones. hyunjin sketching what seemed to be a flower in his sketchbook. it took an hour before the vans pulled up alongside a big building. the van’s driver opened the door for the four. felix stepped out first, waiting for hyunjin to get out so he could hold onto him. each member glanced at felix before following a staff member into the building. the beige building was vast and bare from the outside. felix noticed a black sign with purple letters hanging on the side of the building. the great escape. he furrowed his eyebrows before hyunjin lightly pushed him to the entrance. once hyunjin had safely passed through, felix was quick to attach himself to hyunjin’s arm and pass through the storefront, noticing the scary drawings and figurines on the wall, making a soft noise to himself.

the staff member led them to a room in the back where they’d get their makeup done before shooting. subconsciously, felix sat in his makeup chair, silent as his mind made up false scenarios. his makeup artist was soft and quick with his makeup, adding soft glitter to the corner of his inner eyes. his members were talking as he pushed himself off the chair, walked towards them, and sank in a spot near seungmin. his hands had found themselves anxiously playing with seungmin’s belt. the haze was coming back. after the makeup artists finished with everyone’s makeup, a new staff member led them to the filming area. a large room that had been designed into one big escape room for them. they introduced themselves with their group name and bow. it was then that a man in charge stepped out. felix now clinging to changbin’s arm, finding the light black fabric more appealing than the man with folded papers.

“hi everyone, i’m choi sunho. today’s episode is an exciting one! i’ve designed each one of these escape rooms,” a chorus of ‘wows’ and ‘whoas’ emitting from the members. “the staff told me that everyone in this group is either a caregiver or a neutral, which is a good thing because these rooms are not fit for a little.” felix stilled. 

sunho continued talking, but felix stared at the floor. not suitable for littles? what did he mean by that? felix looked up, and suddenly each one of his members was being blindfolded and taken away. he had gripped onto changbin harder, but a staff member was quick to detach the tiny hands and take changbin away. felix looked forward, and soon a blindfold was being put on him. almost instantly, he squatted to the floor for safety and grounding, but he was stood up and moved away. “shit. shit.” he was quick to mumble as he felt the staff put him in a tight space with the door closed. 

he had heard the other members yelling, screaming support for each other, but his heart was beating so hard he had felt it in his ears. minutes later, he had heard the overhead lights turn off with a loud clang . “you may take off your blindfolds.” sunho, he had assumed, spoke over the microphone. he took off the cute chicken blindfold and gripped it violently in his hands. “if i just push open the door, it’ll be okay.” he mumbled. so he did. the brown wooden door slow to creak open. with shaky limbs, he stepped out of the closet he was pushed into and immediately put his hands up to his ears. the room he was in was deemed safe. it was dark, but he could point out the few fake cobwebs and a wooden table and chair pushed to the side. he’d stay here for a while. slowing his breathing as he listened to his members yell. after thirty minutes, he walked to the other side of the room cautiously, where he was greeted by a door. he wiggled it open, and surprisingly it opened. he heard his other members communicating in an urgent tone, not playful. he ignored the calls as he walked into the corridor. 

he had been so anxious that he missed the point of the game, what the objective was, so he was lost. the designed hall was also covered with fake cobwebs and eerie paintings. suddenly music played as felix walked. scary and spooky tones taunting felix’s headspace. behind a lost and slowly walking felix was a figure in black. 

if he had been paying attention, he would know that this was a figure that the members didn't want to be greeted with.  

the figure knocked over a candlestick holder as a warning. felix quickly whipped his head around, his hands gripping his orange sweater now. his nervousness picking up, scanning for what had hit an object in the darkness of the corridor. suddenly the music was picking up speed and intensified, so felix ran. he couldn’t see it. the figure that was looming closely behind him. he was trying his best not to let the tears slip, but he slowly felt his smaller headspace haze over as he ran. somehow along the way, he spotted a door with a light on above it, so he opened it and slammed the door instantly. 

“shit.” in the dim light, he spotted a couch. he squeezed his eyes shut, attempting to crawl towards it. his wandering hand recognized a rug underneath him, stiff yet soft, but then he felt an unfamiliar leather texture under his hand. he opened his eyes, widening them at the random boot. he went to scream, but a hand quickly dropped down to quiet him. “shh pixie, you’re okay, it’s just me.” it was minho. thank fuck, it was minho . felix silently started crying in the realization of the familiarity. still, minho was quick to put his finger to his lips. felix squeezed tears out. minho quick to kiss them away. “what’s wrong? don’t cry. it’s alright.” minho cooed, now sitting on the ground, holding a crying felix between his legs. 

“please home, want to go home.” felix cried as minho adjusted his mic pack and held felix tighter. minho knew this was an episode that would be cut from the show’s season. felix was slipping in front of cameras for the first time after telling everyone he was neutral. if it were an episode to be released, fans would harass the company over the mistreatment of felix, so it didn’t matter what was said or done. 

“does our baby chick want to go home, hm?” felix nodded. the room was dimly lit but minho still felt the nod. they sat for a moment before minho ushered felix to stand up with him. “we’re going to go back out, okay? hold onto hyungie’s hand, okay? i’ll protect you.” felix nodded, his legs already giving out in fear.

minho opened the door, walking out first before guiding felix out in front of him. felix was biting his lip hard as soon as he was led back out into the hallway. it was going smoothly, minho trying to find his way out with felix in close tow, the music was slowed down, and it was going great. minho had reached the end. he saw the exit door, the door they were supposed to escape through, until they both heard it. the music picking up its intensity and speed. the scary figure was looming near.

 minho had whipped his head around, noticing the figure running at them, but it was too late. from the minimal lighting, felix saw it running, fell to the ground bumping his knee into his lip, and started crying. minho whipped his head back around, giving a threatening glare to the poor staff member that scared felix and holding his arm out as a signal to stop. the escape’s exit door opened, and the other members filed out. felix had slipped, and in that incident, he had also bit into his lip, giving him an injury. changbin dipped down to the ground, shushing felix as he picked him up and noticed an angry chan walking out of the exit and towards where the directors and other cameras stood. minho was still glaring at the figure. the more he glared, the more he wouldn’t move. at least that is what minho thought. jisung and jeongin both sighed before walking over to diffuse the tension. 

“boys, let's go to the green room.” changbin instructed, bouncing a crying felix as hyunjin and seungmin led the way. the four walked out into better lighting. hyunjin took notice of the bleeding lip. the trio quickly tried to pass by an angry chan, to which seungmin broke off and then walked over too.

  this was a mess. 

hyunjin now led the way, going down the hallways to bring them to the green room. once inside, hyunjin went to grab a tissue for felix’s lip. changbin took a seat on the couch with felix on his lap, crying into his neck. he was sure there would be blood from felix’s lip smeared on his neck, but he could clean that up later. changbin rubbed his hand up and down felix’s back, kissing his temple every so often. hyunjin came out with both a wet and dry tissue out of the bathroom, sliding next to changbin on the couch. he softly poked felix’s shoulder, earning a pitiful whine as felix shoved his head further into changbin’s neck. “little star, i need to see your lip.” hyunjin singsonged, dipping his head down so he could try and connect his eyes with felix’s. oh, he was even more precious. hyunjin tried to think before standing up from the couch and grabbing the baby bag that changbin had previously packed. he pulled out the small bunny and felix’s blanket, bringing it back to the black sofa.

“can carrot see your lip? they want to help.” immediately, a pitiful felix looked up at hyunjin, pouting. 

“there we go, see, carrot is helping.” hyunjin smiled, somehow puppeteering the soft brown bunny to apply pressure onto felix’s lip. “good boy.” changbin praised, kissing felix’s temple again as he grabbed the blanket off of hyunjin’s lap and placed it around felix’s shoulders. as the duo cleaned up their new baby and changbin’s neck, the rest of the members were walking back to the green room. 

both chan and minho tried to calm down their anger while jisung, seungmin, and jeongin followed. chan opened the blue door and immediately cooed out loud. felix had tired himself out on changbin’s lap, his body covered with the blanket and his bunny tucked under his arm as hyunjin sang acapella to ‘little star’. hyunjin turned around and stood up, going to ask for ointment when he noticed the other four standing and looking. “super cute, isn’t he?” hyunjin smiled before walking out to find a makeup staff member. chan led the group further into the room, each smiling wide. “that was an awful experience for me, i don’t want to know what it was like for him.” jisung muttered, his hands finding a way to wrap around minho’s waist. they all shook their heads, a silent agreement to jisung’s statement. felix started to shift in changbin’s hold, with his cheeks squished against changbin’s chest. “well, at least it’s confirmed. it was a shitty way to find out, but at least we know his true biology.” seungmin spoke up, a hand detaching from chan’s waist and moving to sit down on a chair.

it felt like forever until hyunjin came back with a tube of ointment in his hand and slid right next to changbin. he placed a little on his index finger and inched further towards the little’s sleepy pouting lips. felix whined, scrunching his face while moving back, eyes still closed. hyunjin still pursued towards, if felix cried, so be it, but the caregiver needed to clean his lip. felix’s eyes fluttered open in annoyance. inching away from hyunjin. 

“there’s my little star,” hyunjin started to coo. “can jinnie put this medicine on your lip?” felix furrowed his eyebrows, his brain trying to indicate what his hyung was trying to ask of him. before felix nodded, he heard loud laughter from the other side of the room. with wide doe eyes, he scanned the room to notice jisung smacking his leg and jeongin laughing at something on jisung’s phone. he whined, straightening up on changbin’s lap and almost falling off.

 “whoa, little chick, you gotta be careful.” changbin spoke, waking up from his own small nap and holding tighter onto felix’s waist. “can you let jinnie take care of your lips, and then hyungie will let you down, and you can go explore?” felix sat still. the poor boy was the epitome of no thoughts, head empty. hyunjin finally leaned forward, wiping the ointment on felix’s lips, disregarding the unhappy little’s protests. when hyunjin was done, he sat back, signaling to changbin that he was done.

changbin scanned the room, most of his members now on their phones or watching felix. with no danger in sight, changbin carefully maneuvered the black-haired aussie off his lap and lowered him down to the floor. his little sat on the floor before crawling over to where jisung and jeongin were laughing on their spot on the couch. when he arrived, he stared at them with those wide beady brown eyes with his head tilted. minho coughed to the two, signaling the new arrival. “oh my god. hi buddy.” jisung mumbled, a smile growing wide as he sat down his phone and leaned over. felix’s eyes trailed to where jisung sat his phone down. jeongin took notice, opening up his phone and handing it to felix. almost immediately, felix put the phone in his mouth, teething on the case.  “ah, ah, naughty felix, we don’t eat phones.” jeongin tsked, grabbing his phone from felix’s mouth, wiping it off with his shirt and setting it back down. 

“putting teethers in the basket.” chan laughed, scrolling through the site on his phone. “you’re shopping already?” minho asked, glancing up from his own phone. “well yeah.” 

“but i’m shopping…” minho playfully pouted, showing chan his phone. seungmin looked up and showed off his phone,” i’m also shopping.” 

“he’s going to be one spoiled little.” hyunjin announced, head on changbin’s shoulder as he watched jisung and jeongin play with felix. it had been a few minutes of the group watching felix crawl around and play with the keychains on their bags or backpacks when a staff member knocked. the door opened, and there was a brief moment of silence and a glance at felix before they spoke up,” the van is here. managers allowed everyone to have a few days off from work. we’re sending our dearest apologies.” the female staff bowed before closing the door back. slowly, everyone rose from their spots on the chairs and couches and started collecting their things. felix watched, his lower lip poking out. 

why was everyone leaving him? 

suddenly, he was being lifted in the air, changbin kissing the back of his head as he adjusted the bags on his other arm. felix wiggled, causing changbin to laugh in adoration. one by one, they left the green room, bowing to the staff as they went. chan was the last to leave the room, scanning for any left items before walking the corridor to the van, ignoring the unapologetic looks of the staff. as he stepped outside, he breathed, feeling like a weight had been lifted off of him. watching seungmin poke at felix’s nose from a distance as he wiggled in changbin’s arm, the three waiting for the others to get situated in the van. 

so much better than anything he could imagine. 

felix was blowing raspberries at chan when chan entered the van. “oh yeah?” chan laughed, ruffling felix’s hair before sitting down next to jisung. it was quite a large van, spacious room for the members to move around if needed, though they hoped not to. in the front row sat jeongin and seungmin, minho and hyunjin sat in the second row, in the third row sat changbin with felix in his lap, and in the last row had jisung and chan. 

soon after everyone was situated,  the driver started the van, and they started moving toward home. moments of calm lasted for a few minutes before felix propped himself up higher on changbin’s lap and stared behind at chan, giggling when the oldest would meet his eyes. overtime it became a game of peekaboo. though when felix went to pop up for the umpteenth time, he didn’t see chan in his spot, looking around worryingly. soon the fear of losing chan grew too much, and he plopped back down on changbin’s lap and started sniffling. chan came out from hiding behind changbin’s seat, cooing and laughing at the worried little. “it’s okay, raindrop, i’m right here.” chan smiled, reaching for felix’s hands. instead, felix made grabby hands, asking for chan to hold him. somehow, in a complicated manner, changbin passed felix to chan.  “is our raindrop tired? hm? you’ve had such a hard day? let’s try and sleep, sleep with channie. i’ll protect you.” changbin passed back felix’s bunny and blanket before he got ready to nap for the remainder of the car ride home. 

chan held felix in a laying position, careful not to touch his busted lip when putting the blanket over his frame. carrot the bunny resting in felix’s hand under the blanket. the leader caressed felix’s soft cheek while humming, watching the blanket of sleep fall over felix. chan sat in the back, using his other hand to massage jisung’s neck, the younger member working on a new demo on his laptop. in front of him, changbin had his headphones in, falling asleep, and rightfully so. minho and hyunjin talked about hyunjin’s sketch and possibilities for lunch. from what chan could see, jeongin and seungmin were teasing each other while playing a game of kart rider. he was sure felix would wake up in his big headspace, or they’d be dealing with little felix due to him suppressing after so many years of disguising his biology. either way, he was happy. they all were. 

felix finally slipped, and it needed to be celebrated.  

🐣

Chapter Text

🐣

the driver had parked in front of the apartment building, turning the engine off and unbuckling himself to help the group of eight. felix was still asleep, his head perched on chan’s shoulder. throughout the ride, chan had dozed off but would wake up immediately to watch over felix. 

the side door of the van opened, and the members filed out one by one. jisung had taken chan’s bag in his own hands, watching the leader debate whether he could grab it while holding felix. the leader scooted himself off the seat and stood, adjusting his hold on felix and walking out of the van. the members surrounded both chan and felix, minho adjusting the blanket over felix’s face so that nearby awaiting reporters or fans wouldn’t be able to comprehend what was happening. jisung stepped out last, standing to chan’s side. they all thanked the van’s driver before walking to the apartment’s entrance lobby. 

if the caregivers had learned about little felix in the last hour or two, he’s quiet. when he sleeps, he’s calm, only making small noises. when he demands attention, he does it softly. 

by the time they reached their apartment door, minho had tucked the blanket back under felix’s chin. seungmin was the one to unlock the door allowing the others to shuffle in after him. “should we put him down in his room or…?” it was jeongin, taking his shoes off and glancing in between his older members. “i think the living room is best, that way if he wakes up he won’t be alone.” changbin spoke up, looking around and noticing the soft nods in agreement. chan had passed felix over to changbin, who was now walking into the living room. felix moved softly, rubbing his cheek into changbin’s chest, whining softly before settling down again. “i need to go pick up the items i ordered earlier, minho, seungmin do you want to come too?” chan asked, looking in between the two and earning two nods. the three gathered by the door, putting their shoes and bags back on before silently waving and exiting.

changbin had tucked felix into the corner of the couch. his lips formed into a pout from the lack of touch. hyunjin, jisung, and jeongin had gone into the apartment to either change or shower. changbin sat near felix, caressing his face softly, watching as the pout left his face. time had gone by quickly, felix still asleep as each caregiver in the house took turns watching felix, eating, or showering. the time in the day was passing by with ease. chan, minho, and seungmin had returned home with a multitude of shopping bags, each apologizing for the noise as they entered. chan had started to take items out of the bags, organizing them, and minho had taken some things like bottles, sippy cups, teethers, and pacifiers into the kitchen to disinfect and wash them. seungmin had left to wash up and change. after minho had  disinfected everything, he got to work prepping a late lunch or early dinner for the group.

felix later woke up in changbin’s hold, blinking the sleep away and staring at the caregiver curiously. “the big doe eyes make a comeback.” jisung laughed, noticing the little one who had turned and looked around at everyone. felix scanned the area, seeing the members scattered throughout the apartment. minho and hyunjin were laughing in the kitchen over the stove. jisung, jeongin, and changbin were on the couch or floor in the living room. lastly, chan and seungmin were in the apartment's entryway, placing things into small bins. when he turned back into the kitchen, he noticed something light green shaped like a giraffe. he wanted it. without realizing he had screamed, alerting every caregiver to look at him either with worry, confusion, or sternly. he did it again, yet this time pushing off of changbin dangerously. “okay, okay, down goes the chick.” changbin alerted mainly to the others as he placed down the determined little onto the floor. 

the others watched in adoration as felix slowly crawled his way across the floor of the living room. out of sight, chan and seungmin smiled as they saw the little in orange crawl past them and sit, now with doe eyes making eye contact with the soft green bins. “uh oh.” seungmin laughed, noticing felix’s eyes look between the green giraffe in the kitchen’s drying rack and between the containers. chan was busy looking down, alert, when a small hand was now in one of the bins full of wipes. felix pulled out a pack with destruction on his mind. grunting when the pack of baby wipes wouldn’t open. he threw down the pack and went to grab another one but chan was quick to stop the small hand. “we have to clean up before we grab something new. can you put this back in the bin?” chan asked, pointing to the wipes and then to the bin. felix screamed in distaste, grabbing a new pack anyway. “ah ah felix,” chan tsked, taking the wipes back and putting them in the bin. “you need to clean up first.” the other members remained silent, some trying to contain their laughter as they watched the two aussies stare down. felix picked up the wipes, a smile on chan’s face, but the smile on chan’s face faded when felix threw the pack towards the front door. jisung snorted but was quickly hit by jeongin, who too was trying not to laugh.

“no, felix, we don’t throw things. that’s not nice.” chan reprimanded, a stern glance plastered on his face as he watched the little stick his hand back into one of the bins. the members didn’t have a designated time-out corner because they didn’t know they had a little in their midst. quickly, chan stood up, towering over the little. he looked over at the other members, who all understood chan’s next motive. “put him in the corner by the window.” changbin spoke lowly, watching the little pullout items of the bins. the leader picked up the curious little with a pack of more wipes in his hands and walked towards the corner of the living room. he sat felix down on the floor, taking the wipes and guiding felix’s eyes to look up at him. “you’re in timeout because what you did was not nice, okay? only for a few minutes.” felix instantly furrowed his eyebrows at the word timeout. chan stood up from felix carefully before walking back to his members who were helping assort the items in the bins back in order. timeout had been good for a few minutes before jeongin spotted a crawling felix from behind the couch. chan held back a laugh before picking felix up and putting him back in the corner. “stubborn little one.” minho giggled from within the kitchen, turning off the stove and taking a peek at felix, who was pouting in the corner. “at least he’s not crying.” hyunjin stated, taking the spoon out of his mouth and peeking at felix who had caught his watchful eyes. instantly felix screamed in delight, moving from his sitting spot and making his way to crawl over to hyunjin in the kitchen.

“chan, he’s out again, and it may or may not have been my fault.” hyunjin laughed, tilting his head towards felix. the caregivers had a vague idea of how they would do their caregiving jobs. they knew that if felix had done something wrong with one of them, that specific caregiver would do the role of light punishment, and no other members were to assist. they didn't want it to be seen as a betrayal. if felix were attached to one of them, they wouldn’t keep him to themselves, instead would pass him around to keep from favoritism. all of their efforts would be in felix’s favor as well as their own. all of the members looked to where chan was standing with a crying felix in his arms. 

hyunjin turned back to minho, assisting with the plating of the food. in the distance, hyunjin heard chan softly state affirmations to felix, telling him that he was okay and a good boy. he heard soft hiccups, and then suddenly they were in the kitchen, grabbing the green giraffe teether from the drying rack. 

minho had collected the others, inviting them to sit at the table where they sat the night before, a new energy surfacing. felix was on chan’s lap, teether in his mouth. minho had made felix a small bowl of noodles and was on chan’s side offering felix the food. felix only looked back with doe eyes and teether in mouth, confused, before dropping the giraffe onto the table and grabbing minho’s hand. 

“the company knows, which means significant news outlets will know. most will be excited and good, but others will be disgusted and disturbed. i need us, as caregivers, to turn a blind eye and, most importantly, not show our distaste for any of the negative ones.” chan spoke, setting his spoon down and staring at the rest of the caregivers. everyone nodded in understanding. they went back to eating, everyone in their conversations as minho was focused on feeding felix and himself. soon the members  finished the meal on the table, and the rest of the members were discussing their new routine with little felix. “since we don’t have a crib or even just a bed barrier, we should at least determine someone that he sleeps with, either we pick or he will. same with bathtime. slowly we’ll fall into a routine, but for now, whoever is comfortable should fall through with the routine. is there anyone who isn’t confident?” everyone shook their heads at the question. the table was quiet once again before the members decided to move. hyunjin had taken felix from chan’s lap, kissing all over the freckles on felix’s face as he moved to the living room. 

hyunjin sat on the floor as his other members surrounded him, cooing and poking at felix. “we should probably give him a bath and put him to sleep soon.” seungmin spoke, playing with the ends of felix’s hair. felix was now back on the floor, crawling around and disturbing the peace, teether dropped on the floor and towards the bins again. “yeah, bathtime, naughty little one.” jeongin spoke, instantly picking up felix and walking towards the bathroom. minho followed suit, bypassing jeongin and felix to walk into felix’s room to grab sweatpants and a hoodie. minho walked back, dropping off felix’s clothes on the countertop and shutting the door. 

minho walked out to the living room, sitting next to jisung on the couch, kissing his temple and patting his thigh. the other members silently kept to themselves as they watched a random drama on television. it was clear that they wanted to take in their time with felix, but deep down, they knew that it would be over soon. it wasn’t that late, but each member went off in their own space to get work done or to be alone. hyunjin left first, stating something about finishing a sketch. changbin left to go to his room to listen to music, and seungmin left to do the same. minho and jisung left together to get ready for bed early, and chan sat on the couch, his laptop glued to his lap. when jeongin was finished with felix, he carried the asleep little on his hip and walked to the living room. “do you want him for the night?” chan looked up, instantly saving his work and setting the laptop down. “of course, was he good for you?” chan asked worriedly. jeongin nodded, smiling softly. “stubborn, but he was perfect.” chan nodded, taking felix into his hold.

“goodnight innie.” chan smiled, watching as the maknae made his way to his room. chan discarded his laptop and walked to his room. opening the door and laying felix down. it was an easy night. a good night . chan had returned from the bathroom, slipping his shirt off before moving in next to felix. he went onto his phone, sending bubble messages to stay, then stalked on twitter. he kissed felix on the forehead before settling in for a night’s sleep. 

🐣

felix had felt the shift again. immediately waking up and looking around the room. the wolfchan skzoo on the desk, indicating he was asleep with chan. he looked down, noticing the unconscious asleep leader. he could run away. go to a park. go to the jyp building. he felt the lump in his throat grow. he bit his lip, quickly removing his teeth from the stinging lip. “channie,” he mumbled, poking chan’s shoulder. it took a few pokes until chan woke up, staring up at felix. “whoa whoa baby, what’s wrong?” chan asked, sitting up in bed and allowing felix to cry into his bare chest. felix didn’t say anything, only allowing for soft whimpers to emit into chan’s chest. felix felt the shift again, and then he regressed, the stress too much for him to handle when big now, causing him to regress. chan cocked his head to the side. he didn’t just imagine big felix, did he?

felix now sat with doe eyes wide as he stared at chan. chan hummed, glancing at his alarm clock. 5:13 am nice. “alright, little one since you’re up early, we’re gonna go out in the kitchen so that i can get some coffee. sound good?” chan asked, his australian causing felix to perk up. chan moved his covers off the two, picking up felix and grabbing a hoodie from his closet before leaving the bedroom. chan wandered out with felix on his hip, sighing at the discarded toys on the ground. he moved into the kitchen, starting up the coffee pot and getting one of his mugs out of the cabinets. while the two waited, chan danced softly with felix on his hip, kissing his temple before the coffee pot finished brewing. chan poured a little into his mug, brewing more for his other members before walking out into the living room with felix and his cup of coffee. he sat felix on the ground, placing the mug onto a side table and moving around to find the playmat that he put in a bin. he found it on one of the shelves, pulling it out of the container and its package. it had been seungmin who thought of the playmat, quick to order a huge round light green playmate in the shape of a lilypad. chan softly moved felix out of the way, spreading out the mat and then setting the little one on the plush mat. he turned on the tv, lowered the volume to five, and put on bee and puppycat. he shrugged before grabbing his mug from the kitchen table and putting his laptop on his lap. with eyes on felix; he hummed in contentment. felix was silent, staring wide at colorful shapes on the television as chan worked on new demos or records for the members. if felix got bored, he poked at the lilypad’s texture or turned around to stare at chan, blushing when chan would smile and wave at him. it was a peaceful morning, and the two would need a nap later. 

it was around 6:30 am when early risers began to wake up, each shocked to see chan and felix out in the living room. minho entered the living room, smiling down at the little but staring at chan in confusion. “he woke up big, but then he regressed. it was almost like he couldn’t control it.” minho nodded, yawning. “i’m assuming you didn’t make breakfast because the apartment is still intact.” chan only playfully glared. “very funny and no, i didn’t want to wake anyone up earlier than they should’ve been.” 

“should we order in?” minho asked, chan shrugged. “i don’t see why not.” minho threw his phone onto the couch, walking into the kitchen to make his early morning tea. felix noticed the phone and quickly moved towards the phone on the sofa, reaching for it and staring at minho’s cat’s stickers on the back. his tiny fingers tracing over stickers and doing his best to try and meow softly. minho rounded the sofa, noticing his phone in the little’s hands. “do you see the kitties, baby?” felix stared up, pointing his finger to the faded dori sticker. “good boy! is that lino’s kitty?” felix nodded, now growing bored of the situation and moving to sit in minho’s lap. with open arms, minho let the little one climb into his lap. minho carefully grabbed the phone from felix’s hands, opening it up and scrolling through. felix watched, carefully tucking his head under minho’s chin as the hyung scrolled through tiktok, entertaining himself and felix with the vast amount of cat content. chan, at some point, moved from his spot on the couch to pour minho’s tea into a mug and handed it off. minho thanked him, returning his hand to pet felix’s back as they watched the tiktoks. “do you think a sippy cup is best?” chan asked, legs standing unsure as he stared at little in minho’s lap. minho did his best to examine felix’s mental state before nodding. “i think so, yeah, what are you making him?” 

“i was thinking water, maybe adding in a bit of apple juice.” minho nodded in approval. “should we wait a bit before ordering in, or should i order everything now?” 

“let’s just order everything now, i’m sure it’ll take a while because it’s a breakfast rush. it’ll take a little time to get here.” each caregiver hummed. chan walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge while minho opened his food delivery app despite felix’s protest. 

🐣

felix was lying on the lilypad as the tv played more episodes of cartoons. seungmin had woken up, hyunjin too. soon changbin, jisung, and jeongin filed into the kitchen and living room. hyunjin had turned off the cartoons, instead playing skz records for felix. there was a knock on the door, and everyone froze. changbin was the one to answer, looking through the peephole and opening it to see the food delivery man standing and waiting. he thanked and tipped the man before taking the two big clear plastic bags off his hands. changbin closed the door, locked it, and walked back into the open area, setting down the bags on the kitchen table. “food!” he alerted, watching as seungmin picked up a curious felix from his lilypad and brought him to the table. the members split up the food, putting certain items on one plate and other foods on another. felix went to grab the big plastic bag, but his wandering hand was soon held by a smiling jeongin. “mmm.” felix hummed, reaching again. still, both seungmin and jeongin smiled before moving him to sit on the couch. “is our lixie trying to talk?” jisung asked excitedly, unwrapping the wrapper from his sandwich. felix whined, reaching for the bag again, but changbin held out a piece of his sandwich which felix stared at before eating it. 

“you’ve made yourself a target.” hyunjin laughed, covering his hand with his mouth as he watched felix impatiently make grunting noises at changbin. “target no longer, here you go, angel.” chan smiled, placing down a placemat and a bunny shaped plate of food for felix. felix screamed in delight, fingers picking up the torn-up pieces of food. the members either sat at the table with felix, on the table, or the couch, using the back of the sofa as a makeshift table. “ he’s so cute.” 

it was true. their sunshine was even cuter when regressed. though he didn’t speak, only remaining quiet or making soft noises, he was their world. soft, gentle, and calm. “what are everyone’s plans for our day of many off?” jisung asked, balling up a wrapper and putting it in the plastic bag. a mumble of “nothing,’’ “sleep,” and “meetings” came out of everyone's mouth. “what does our pixie want to do?” jisung asked, looking at felix, who was now holding onto the light yellow sippy cup. “mmm.” he grunted before attaching his lips to the top of the spout. 

“he’s just so cute!” hyunjin laughed, sliding off the tabletop and attacking felix with a multitude of kisses. the members sat at the table, watching felix eat before dispersing to do their things. 

today was going to be a good day.

Chapter Text

🐣

it had been a few days after their break. felix floating in between little and big headspace.

it was earlier in the morning when felix’s phone rang. he woke up, groaning, and let his wandering hand search for the buzzing phone. he pulled his phone off the charger, answered without looking at the caller id, and sat up with a displeased,” hello.” 

“is this lee felix?” the voice asked. a delicate and soft woman’s voice. “yeah, it’s me.” he heard some rustling of paper on the other line, and suddenly she was talking again. “would you be able to come in for a meeting with your division coordinators, managers, and team? we need to talk to you.” felix froze. a paralyzed fear. he nodded before speaking lowly, “yeah, i’ll be in soon.” the call ended, and felix sat, staring at the floor of his room. 

🐣

it was now mid-afternoon when felix returned to the apartment. his backpack hanging off his shoulder as he opened the door and quickly slipped off his shoes. a few tears fell from his eyes as he walked down the entryway, his hands gripping onto his backpack straps. in the kitchen, he heard chan, minho, and hyunjin talking and laughing. he bypassed them quickly, feeling rude when he heard them call out for him to eat lunch with them. the caregiver trio stood confused, now looking down to felix’s room with the door closed. “where did he go so early in the morning?” hyunjin asked, setting down his bowl and staring at the two oldest members. hyunjin noticed the instant look of remorse in chan’s eye. “i got an email from the higher-ups….”

“saying?” minho questioned, now slowly putting his bowl down to look at chan. “i don’t know, it just said that felix would have a meeting with everyone this morning, they didn’t say anything else.” chan stated, eyes now drifting between minho and hyunjin. “he’s not happy, or well…content with whatever happened. i’ll be right back.” hyunjin noted, carefully pushing himself off the countertop and walking towards felix’s door. with a pressed ear, he heard the sniffles and soft whines from the younger. hyunjin stared back at the other caregivers, a facial expression full of worry now spread across his face. “fefe,” a knock. “felix, can you open the door and tell hyungie what’s wrong?” hyunjin spoke softly, his head down as he waited for felix to open the door. hyunjin heard movement, and soon the door opened, revealing a teary eyed felix. almost immediately, felix squatted and curled himself up, sniffling into his folded arms. hyunjin then too squatted and gave felix a minute to breathe. “sweetie, what’s got you upset?” hyunjin looked up and noticed chan and minho watching cautiously. “th-they,” felix choked out a sob. 

“what did they say, bun?” chan asked, moving closer to the two. felix shook his head rapidly. “t-that i have to,” another sob. “okay, it’s okay, take your time.” chan went to stand felix up but was stopped by hyunjin grabbing his wrist, giving a stern glance of disapproval then mouthed a ‘not yet.’ it was clear felix was teetering between little and big headspace. the stress of whatever was said in the meeting catching up to him. he took a deep inhale, holding it for a few seconds before exhaling it. 

“i don’t want to burden a-and they said that i need to start attending therapy because i’ve been repressing my little headspace for so long, and also they said i need to have a guaranteed caregiver, but i-i said that you all were my caregivers and th-they didn’t like that answer, so i said i didn’t know, and then th-they got mad at me and,” chan had heard enough. standing up and making a beeline for his phone and to the balcony outside. “h-he’s mad.” felix sobbed, crystal tears hazing his vision. “no princess. he’s going to clear some things up, yeah? so we can fully understand what happened. it’s not fair that they made you go alone.” minho was walking over now, smiling softly and sitting against the wall across from felix’s door. another thing they learned from felix was that he enjoyed any pet name. he would blush when members would call him ‘princess’ or hide his face when called ‘bun.’ it was so endearing and humorous to watch his freckled cheeks turn a soft shade of pink.

“are you big, little, or somewhere in between?” hyunjin asked, softly moving his hand to hover over felix’s head. “in between.” hyunjin smiled softly, his eyes becoming their own tiny smiles. “good boy. do you want to go eat some lunch with us?” felix nodded, watching as minho went to stand as well as hyunjin. he whined softly. “does our pretty freckled princess want to be held?” felix blushed but nodded. minho bent down, carefully picking up felix from under his arms, and sat him on his waist. both minho and hyunjin’s fingers made their way to felix’s face, wiping away stray tears. when they finished coddling, the trio moved into the kitchen. 

hyunjin made his way over to the cabinets, pulling out a bowl and moving over to the stove as minho was busy with felix. “can we go to the park?” felix asked, wiping his face with his fists. 

“of course, we’ll go after you eat, then nap, okay? do you want everyone to come too?” felix nodded, silently thanking hyunjin for the food served. “do… do you think people will make fun of me for being a little?” felix asked, his spoon playing in the blue and green painted ceramic bowl made by hyunjin. the two caregivers frowned. “no bun, i think people would be very happy for you. we live in a classified world, it was bound to happen, yeah? plus, when your friend beomgyu came out as a little, everyone was very happy. no one will make fun of you, baby, and if they do, you know we’ll protect you.” minho smiled. felix nodded, taking soft bites of the rice cakes and kimchi fried rice.

the front door opened, in walking changbin and jeongin. chan entered back, stepping into the living room as he closed the sliding door. “hey guys, how was the studio?” he greeted, throwing his phone on the couch and standing with his arms crossed. “it went very well!” the two smiling, changbin making his way into the kitchen and jeongin walking to the bathroom. both minho and hyunjin looked at chan, but he signaled they’d talk about everything later. felix watched changbin move around the kitchen, whining when he wasn’t acknowledged. 

“felix wants to go to the park later or whenever we’re all free next.” minho announced, picking up felix’s finished bowl and walking it towards the sink. “that can be arranged but first, i think it’s nap time.” chan cooed, watching felix sink in his chair and melt to the floor. 

menacing little felix was back .

felix crawled under the table, using changbin’s jogger clad leg as his perch. “chan, he’s not here. i don’t know where he went.” changbin pouted, a hand under the table and softly playing with felix’s hair. “oh wow, we lost him?”

as soon as the front door opened, jisung was quick to sprint into action. “we lost felix?” his materials thrown onto the ground as seungmin walked in behind him, shutting and locking the door with grace. “he didn’t want to take a nap, i don’t know where he went sungie.” minho pouted, patting his lap for jisung to come over and sit. 

felix stopped holding onto changbin’s leg, releasing and crawling out from under the table. “there he is!” hyunjin pointed, clapping excitedly. “our sweet princess! there he is! we’ve missed you! where did you go?” chan asked, his facial expressions animated as he walked towards the dining table. felix giggled at chan before he was picked up. kisses being littered all over his face.

“before i go put him down, does anyone else need a nap or want to take my place?” chan asked, looking around the room and spotting a changbin hand. “give me like five minutes to finish eating, and i can go nap with him.” 

🐣

changbin sat in the rocking chair, felix perched on his lap, his cheek against changbin’s chest. felix was seconds from falling asleep, changbin too. changbin was humming random tunes as he held felix close. seungmin had entered to hand changbin a pacifier and felix’s sippy cup just in case. the rocking chairs had been a new addition. they didn’t want to constantly move it around from room to room, though it was light enough to do so. changbin had moved his own room around and told his members he’d keep one in his room, the other out in the living room. changbin was an avid enjoyer of settling felix down for his nap. the black haired little becoming ten times more cuddly than ever. lips pouting and cheeks squished. 

changbin’s room was standard. a few decorations up, curiosity of a helpful felix. a few polaroids of changbin and his members hung on some black thread around his desk, some small posters of changbin's favorite artists, and a few trinkets. it was the total opposite of felix’s soft and colorful room. felix was now deeply asleep, his face contouring to fit his dream. if changbin wanted to, he’d stand up and walk into the living room with felix, but he’d stay and coo over the little sucking on his bottom lip. changbin saw these moments of intimacy and closeness. with a gentle finger, changbin pulled out felix’s bottom lip and slipped in the green pacifier, holding it against felix’s mouth. 

changbin had struggled the past few days with felix not giving them titles. felix didn’t need to call them by a parental title, but changbin felt himself lacking in his caretaking or jealousy when his other friends told him about how their little calls them by a title. ‘hyungie’ had been the only title used. he wouldn’t mind being called ‘daddy’ or even ‘mommy’, anything in the in between would be fine too. he often imagined situations when felix would be out and about in the jyp building then come to the producing studios, and he’d hear an excited and screaming felix, running towards him, wrapping his hands around his waist and saying how much he missed “his mommy” or “his daddy.”

yet, this was all for felix to decide though. they could push him to lean that way but never force it out of him. 

there was a knock at the door, then an entry by jeongin, peeking his head in and than fully entering. “you look worried.” jeongin stated, eyes deflecting off of felix and onto changbin. the lighting in the room was dim enough for the little to sleep but light enough that facial features could still be made out. “i’m not.”

“be serious. what’s got you worried.” jeongin asked, moving to sit in changbin’s desk chair. there was a moment of silence before changbin parted his lips. “parental titles.” jeongin hummed, playing with a pen that was discarded. “i don’t think you should be worried, we’ve only had little felix for a few days. he’s still figuring things out. i mean, we are too. do you know how many times i forgot to use felix’s baby lotion after i finished up with bath time? too many times... the point is, everything is still so new, and maybe he’ll talk to us about it or he’ll just say it and catch us by surprise. don’t dwell on this, it makes your face ugly.” jeongin laughed, watching changbin slowly raise his fist up. the mood settled, jeongin’s eyes still locked on changbin.

“chan said the meeting this morning, they tried to pressure felix into picking one of us as a guaranteed caregiver. when felix said all seven of us, they got mad, which made him teeter in between headspaces. it was clear they wanted him alone so they could force something out of him without our permission, but he’s stubborn even out of headspace.” changbin’s look of worried now replaced with a frown.

“we were in the building, why didn’t they grab us to sit in?” jeongin shrugged. “they said they want him to attend therapy which makes sense. they also said they would release a statement, publicizing our new addition.” without knowing, changbin held onto felix tighter. “i didn’t come in here to make you more upset, i wanted to ask you something.”

🐣

soon after jeongin left the room with a smile on his face, felix woke up. clinging onto changbin’s neck as changbin stood up and left his room. everyone sat in the living room, playing games on the tv or talking amongst themselves on the couch. changbin went to lay felix down on his lily pad, but a sharp whine stopped him from following through with the action. hyunjin observed and tutted.

“now angel, don’t be like that.” hyunjin, arms open, and art supplies moved away as changbin walked over to pass felix over. 

felix whined, a sleep hazed tantrum slowly rising to the surface, but jisung was quick and brought over one of felix’s books, sitting next to hyunjin and opening it up. immediately felix became silent, doe eyes staring at the book and small hands touching the different textures on the book. “shall we go to the park?” chan asked. “felix needs to change, but also if anyone else needs to change because they hate their outfit, do it now.” everyone moved off the floor or the couches, moving to their rooms. hyunjin stood up with felix and walked to his room first, grabbing clothes and then walking into felix’s room. “arms up.” hyunjin commanded, watching felix raise his arms slightly. hyunjin giggled to himself and took off felix’s hoodie. the cold in the apartment made felix shiver. the weather outside was getting cooler, which meant more of an opportunity to make felix look cuddlier. hyunjin got to work, putting felix in a white printed shirt design and his bear fuzzy jacket. for pants, he put on a form of black joggers so felix could move and not feel so restricted. hyunjin stripped himself, jumping to get his jeans over his bum and putting on a white shirt and a half cropped jean jacket. “little bear, are you ready?” hyunjin asked, looking himself in felix’s mirror and then turning to look at felix. felix nodded before jumping off his bed and running out to the living room. as hyunjin stepped out of the room with a sigh. he saw the little one jumping up and down on seungmin’s arm as minho laughed. 

 chan was in the center of the room, on his phone, texting and giving everyone one last look over. “alright, good, we’re all here.” it was clear everyone was worried and maybe stressed about felix’s first outing as a little. glances exchanged between the group and felix, now hyper and attaching himself to jisung’s back. “we’ll be alright if we keep the formation that we always go in.” hyunjin smiled, approaching chan and resting his head on chan’s shoulder, leaving a small kiss before going into the kitchen. every caregiver had a bag, whether it was a backpack, a messenger bag, or a fanny pack, they were ready for felix’s needs as well as their own. with an exhale and a clap of the hands, chan was signaling that it was time for them to move and go out. they filed into the entryway, putting on their shoes and exiting the door. felix had clung to jisung and seungmin’s hands, leaving the others to figure out a new formation. minho and changbin went towards the front, hyunjin and jeongin followed behind, seungmin, felix, and jisung in the middle, and chan in the back. 

🐣

Chapter Text

🐣

the walk to the park was full of excitement and worry. 

the caregivers are excited to show off their proud little but worried about felix’s safety. it had rained softly while felix napped, making the air chilly and crisp. a lot of worms had been misplaced on the concrete pavement. during the walk, felix had taken it upon his duty to squat down at every worm and put it back into the grass with a small ‘bye bye’. eventually, after the fifth worm, minho had had enough and picked up felix, putting him on his hip despite the whining. if the group wanted to get to the park at a punctual time, felix would have to be picked up and carried instead of worm saving. “lino’s sorry but if you want to go play then we need to hurry, yeah? the worms will move all by themselves, i’m sure of it.” felix was now pouting, eyes staring into minho’s as he continued to walk with the upset little. “i’m sure they'll be plenty of worms at the park too.” jeongin smiled, walking backward now. the caregivers really didn’t want to encourage bug touching because it was a dirty activity. they could only hope the playground would make felix forget about the worms and instead play with his caregivers.

felix had sadly pouted against minho’s shoulder for the remainder of the walk only perking up when he heard excited screams. he rose his head spotting the playground in front of them. in front of the group was a gated park with a playground made specifically for littles. the size of the playground was a tad bit bigger with softer colorful. “let's go find a spot then we can go play, okay?” seungmin lead the way, opening up the gate, holding it open for the others before leading the way to find a vacant spot. the caregiver was quick to find a spot under a tree, the perfect area to put down the blankets and bags. it was slightly on a hill but it was right by the walking and bike trail and had an overview of the river in front of them. felix’s eyes became wide as he was carried past, the other littles screaming with each other or excitedly laughing with their caregivers. seungmin stopped under the tree, lowering his bag. others following. minho put felix on the ground, the little now shy and hiding his face in the sleeve of minho’s jacket. the group got comfortable on the blankets spread out, hyunjin taking out his camera and drawing supplies, jeongin setting up a speaker, and others like chan and changbin already laying down. “are you ready?” minho asked, earning a headshake and a head pushed into his side. “no? we can stay here until you’re ready okay?” felix nodded, minho leading him to the patchwork blanket and watching as he cuddled up against hyunjin.

it would be felix’s first time interacting with littles. the group knew that littles came with all different attitudes and personalities. some could be just like felix. shy, quiet, and gentle, others loud and over the top, others mean and sassy, and the list could go on and on. the group sat in each other’s company, felix occupied with a book that jisung had brought with them. 

every now and then seungmin would watch felix silently peek his eyes over to the playground then advert his eyes to his toys on the blanket. noticing this, seungmin would now have to take his little’s shy nature and get him to the destination he wanted to go. so he stood up and stretched dramatically. “hmm, those slides over there look fun. does felix want to go over there with me and look at them?” felix hesitantly nodded. standing up with help of jeongin and waiting for changbin to help put his shoes back on, and attaching his hand in seungmin's further away from the group. the others watched from the blanket, standing guard just in case. as soon as the two made it to the edge of the playground, felix was immediately greeted by a girl. 

“i’m yunjin! what’s your name?” the black haired boy adverted his gaze, holding now onto seungmin’s arm in shyness. she was pretty. her long brown hair in two braids with a white ribbon in each. her outfit was a white knitted tank top with a jean skirt. she was cool. 

“this is felix, this is his first time at the playground.” seungmin asked, his non-preoccupied hand moving to stroke felix’s hair. “hmm, can i show felix the slide?” she asked politely, hands behind her back as she stared at seungmin. clearly, a little with an older headspace. “felix do you want to go see the slides with yunjin instead?” it took a minute before felix nodded and crossed the edge to step into the actual playground area. yunjin smiled and clapped, holding her hand out for felix but he kept his hands in his sleeves as he followed. seungmin turned around to his other members watching, proud smiles on their faces. 

“you look like a bear.” yunjin giggled, pointing to felix’s brown jacket. felix only followed, climbing the stairs behind yunjin. other littles were up on the first level either playing by themselves or with each other. yunjin moved through the other littles gracefully while felix struggled, mumbling a soft apology every time he bumped into one. they climbed three more stairs and were standing on the second tier of the playground with slides. “pick one and we can go at the same time.” yunjin stated, finding a slide and sitting down. felix carefully sat in the one next to her. 

“three! two! one! go!” and the little’s slid. yunjin stood next to the slide and watched the hesitant new little slide with a wide smile. "again?" she asked, earning a shy nod from felix.

after more time passed, felix was starting to feel more accustomed to yunjin. giggling and playing more excitedly with her. seungmin was now accompanied by changbin and jeongin on the side of the playground, watching their little play. up the soft gray steps, they went again, holding hands and giggling. felix trailing behind. yunjin had stopped abruptly causing the smaller little to crash into her back. “no girls allowed!” felix peeked behind yunjin’s back and frowned. a boy, probably in the same age range of yunjin was standing guard at the slides, the second tier of the playground filling up with upset littles. “hey! move out of our way!” yunjin let go of felix’s hand and crossed her arms over her chest. “no girls allowed!” the boy shouted. 

felix flinched. “fine, we’ll go up to the third level. c’mon felix.” yunjin uncrossed her arms and found felix’s hand, walking to the stairs. they hadn’t ventured to the third level, taller than the other two levels they've played on, though it held slides and activities. “you can’t do that!” suddenly felix was pushed into yunjin causing her to fall forward onto the stairs. he gasped, helping her up and whimpering quietly but the look on her face told him, this argument between the two was only going to get worse. yunjin fixed her braid, walking towards the boy and pushing him back. when she was satisfied, she let felix walk up the stairs first as she let other littles who wanted to slide move to the third level. felix watched as other littles took their spots on the slides and slid down. 

yunjin smirked walking up the stairs and advising felix to pick a slide so they could slide down together once again. once seated, they slid. it was going well until the bully followed the two down to the mulched ground, not done and upset with yunjin’s bravery. 

yunjin took charge wandering the playground, showing felix the monkey bars and net climbing area. felix followed behind, nodding softly when suddenly yunjin was pushed down to the mulch. “h-hey!” felix spoke a soft whimpering in his voice as he, now stood in front of yunjin protectively. yunjin dusted herself off and stood up, standing in front of felix. “stop being a bully!” yunjin now pushed back causing the boy to fall. “see! it doesn’t feel nice, does it!” the boy stood up, now rushing towards the duo as they walked off. from the crunch of the mulch yunjin turned around but it was too late, the bully had pushed felix out of the playground area harshly and was now fighting with an angry yunjin. 

from the sidelines, seungmin and jeongin were talking to each other, changbin being the only one to pay attention to the littles. he had a perfect eye on felix and his new friend, happily playing together. until things escalated and suddenly felix was pushed out of the playground and onto the pavement. his caregiver instincts leaped into action, running through the playground to get to the other side where he heard yunjin fighting with a boy and felix tearing up as he looked at the cuts on his hands. 

luckily yunjin’s caregiver, he hoped arrived and broke up the fight as changbin lifted up the little in his arms. he kissed his felix's temple, holding out his hands to examine the damage, and sighed in relief when it was just a few cuts. “yunjin, what happened?” the caregiver asked, her hands on her hips as she stared her little down. “he was bullying us! he pushed me and then he pushed felix.” seungmin and jeongin now arrived, taking over so changbin could walk back with felix. 

with harsh breathing and a panicked glance at his cuts, felix cried softly. “mommy!” changbin froze for a moment. had felix just… reaching the blanket, felix called for ‘mommy’ very softly again through his tears, alerting the rest of the caregivers. “oh my god! what happened?” jisung asked, standing up. “playground bully, seungmin and jeongin are getting the full story.” 

hyunjin had dropped his art sketch immediately when he spotted changbin rushing to bring felix over, finding the first aid bag. with uneven breaths and teary eyes, felix leaned towards minho, who was staring at a confused changbin. minho took felix in his arms immediately, though his facial expression was confused, endeared, and lost. 

yet, his caregiver mindset got to work. “our poor kitten, mommy’s got you, see?” minho bent down to sit with felix on the quilted blanket, kissing his temple and putting him between his legs. “can you let mommy see your hand?” felix whined, trying his best not to cry outwardly as he showed minho the cuts on his hands. “oh kitten, i bet that hurt a lot.” felix stared his hand down, still being held onto by minho. hyunjin and changbin circled the little and the caregiver, smiling wide as they tried to take turns distracting felix to clean his cuts. after a few minutes, felix’s cuts were covered with pororo bandaids and many kisses from each caregiver.

shortly after, seungmin and jeongin came back over with yunjin and her own caregiver. felix was being held in minho’s lap, minho’s hand protectively resting on the back of felix’s head while the other wrapped around his back. “hey guys, this is felix’s friend, yunjin, and one of her caregivers chaewon.” the other caregivers greeted, smiling and offering for them to sit on the blanket though chaewon politely declined. “is he okay?” yunjin asked, bending down and crawling to where minho and felix sat. chaewon huffed, apologizing to the others for her little. 

“he’s okay, just a little shaken up but what you did was brave.” minho smiled, yunjin nodding and blushing. she rubbed felix’s back softly before standing back up and standing next to chaewon. “plum, do you want to tell them what happened?” yunjin stared between her caregiver and the others and nodded.

“we were having fun! then as we were going to slide again a boy was being mean and saying girls weren’t allowed and i told him to move out of the way, he was upsetting everyone. he pushed felix into me so i fell into the stairs but i stood up and pushed him back. it’s partially my fault that felix got hurt too. i should’ve gotten my mommy but instead, i kept antag-.”

“antagonizing.” chaewon helped. “yeah, antagonizing him, and then when we slid down again he followed and pushed me down, felix once again was in the middle of it all and the final attack was when i pushed him back and he came rushing at us and pushed felix out of the playground area. i didn’t mean for felix to get hurt.” yunjin finished, softly rubbing a stray tear away from her face.

“perfect story of a playground bully.” jisung whispered. chaewon who stood next to jisung nodded. “like felix's mommy said, you were very brave. we appreciate you for protecting our felix, it’s okay, mistakes were made and we accept your apology. you’re a very good friend.” chan smiled, offering a hand for yunjin to shyly shake before she turned to chaewon's side. 

“we should probably get back to our family too, thanks guys for hearing her side and accepting her apology. um, i know we’re from different companies but yunjin only has her little sister to play with, if you all want to set up a playdate sometime, here’s my number.” chaewon smiled, handing a piece of paper to chan who nodded and stuffed it in his pocket. “of course, stay safe and thanks again.” the two walked off and chan turned back to his group.

the members stayed in the park for a few hours longer, taking in the sun and allowing felix to rest on minho’s chest. though after hours of holding felix, minho had moved felix over to jisung, needing a bathroom and stretch break. when felix met jisung’s eyes he grinned. “hello little one.” felix scanned the area, noticing the many snacks that were spread out on the blanket. he scooted himself off jisung’s lap and started crawling toward the bag of gummies. he grabbed the bag, sitting and doing his best to try and open it. jisung tried to take the bag away but felix giggled and held it away. “oh so you’re a jokester huh?” jisung readied his hands to get ready and tickle felix but felix squealed, scrambling up, and ran off the blanket. “lee felix!” jisung called out and stood up, chasing after his little. 

minho had finished using the bathroom, exiting the bathroom, and spotted jisung running after felix with a bag of gummies. the others were busy with a game of foot volley a few feet away to notice the ruckus and hyunjin was now reading with his headphones over his ears. minho was sensing a timeout in felix’s future. minho walked back to the blankets, hearing a scream from felix as jisung threw him over his shoulder and carried him back, taking the gummies from felix’s hands and throwing them to the blanketed ground near minho's feet. “down down! want down!” felix whined, his legs wiggling around. jisung sat felix down on the blanket and told him to stay put. jisung had walked off towards the game of foot volley and pulled chan aside. felix giggled, crawling towards a sitting minho. 

“ah ah, i think jisungie told you to stay put and to not crawl to mommy.” felix whined, disobeying now minho’s word and continued crawling and eventually ended up sitting with his bum on minho’s jean clad lap.

  this was bound to get interesting.

jisung came walking back, felix gripping minho’s thigh. without a word, jisung picked up felix from minho’s lap and put him in the corner of the blanket. felix frowned, crawling back towards where minho and hyunjin sat. “felix.” immediately the little one froze. jisung picked him up again, putting him on the corner. “five minutes felix. stay put.” felix frowned but let two minutes go by before slowly inching himself toward the danceracha duo. jisung was standing above him, arms crossed with a look of displeasure spread on his face. “yongbok.” 

felix pouted, stopping his actions and sitting quietly. slowly felix was becoming fed up and slowly he started tipping over things near him with his feet. empty water bottles, packaged snacks, and his member's backpacks or bags. he quickly perked up, moving from his spot and inching towards a backpack. it had a few keychains on it which piqued felix’s interest. humming in delight when suddenly both wrists were being held by jisung. “do good boys misbehave?” 

“pink!” felix smiled, showing off the pink heart keychain. “felix, you’re not being a good boy and i think that means carrot will have to sleep with sungie tonight.” now, that was a bold statement, even minho wouldn’t have made that claim. felix’s heart had fallen to the pit of his stomach yet he furrowed his eyes,“no!” jisung nodded, letting go of felix's wrists.

“alrighty, it’s getting darker, shall we head home?” chan smiled, interrupting jisung and felix’s staredown. felix immediately ripped his wrists away from jisung’s grasp and ran to changbin, whining. “don’t worry jisung, he’s never been disciplined, we can continue it at home.” minho smiled halfheartedly, kissing jisung’s temple as he stood to clean up. 

felix had cried into changbin’s neck before falling asleep on the walk back home. when everyone arrived back home, some members headed to the showers, and others started to prepare a late dinner. changbin had put a sleeping felix onto his lilypad so the caregiver could go freshen up. 

everyone had been in their rooms except for seungmin and minho who were slow to decide on what to eat but quick to prepare it. “we’re gonna be in big trouble if he wakes up in a deeper headspace.” seungmin noted, looking at the outstretched sleeping little on his lilypad. “i’ll prepare something. do you mind waking him up? if he doesn’t wake up, just go put him in his room. if he cries during the night, i’ll get him.” minho smiled, thanking seungmin before dismissing him. seungmin walked into the living room cooing softly at felix. his arms outstretched and his legs bent and twisted to the side. changbin had placed a pacifier between felix’s lips during the walk home because the little one was softly mouthing at changbin’s neck.

there’s no way felix would wake up and if he did, congrats he’d be grumpy and it would be harder to get him to sleep. seungmin picked him up, discarding the pacifier that fell out of his mouth, and walked to felix’s room. quick to undress and change him before putting him to sleep in his bed full of plushies. seungmin stayed with felix for a bit, watching as he cuddled into his blanket and plushies. not carrot though.

when seungmin walked out, the others were at the table, some eating and others not. “though, i’m happy he picked a feminine term for me, i don’t know, i enjoy being felix’s mommy.” minho answer, taking a bite of his food as chan choked on his food. hyunjin nodded along. “i hope i can be a felix mommy soon too.” 

“i don’t know what i want to be called, i think i’d be satisfied with hyungie.” jeongin spoke, his spoon lifted midair as he sat in deep thought. “hyungie is good too. i’m interested to see if he slips out a daddy, dada, or anything in that equivalent.” changbin added to the conversation, sitting back in the dining room chair with his arms crossed. 

“what a first day out to the park.” jisung laughed, lowering his spoon. “makes a new friend then gets pushed to the ground.”

“don’t forget runs away with a bag of gummy bears then gets away with his actions in timeout.” chan laughed, moving the bowl to his mouth to finish. “i didn’t forget, carrot is sleeping with me tonight.” 

“and when he cries tonight and i have to collect carrot from your room at 2am, then what?” minho smirked, cleaning up his area. “are you doing night duty?”

minho nodded,”i told seungmin i would but if anyone wants to volunteer his bottle is already premade in the fridge just in case. seungmin and i both think he’ll slip deeper, especially after today at the park.”the caregivers nodded. “that makes sense.”

slowly, the caregivers began to clean up dinner and went into their own room or each other. the night became quiet and tame. 

Chapter Text

after dinner, each member joined and cuddled on the couch, deciding to watch a random movie to calm them down for the night. they had a few more days left of their break before they’d have to get back to their work. however, some members had already cut their time off and started working the first day of break. the evening was calm, with pretty little stress on the caregivers as they watched the movie, teased each other, or scrolled through their phones. it had been pretty clear that the caregivers were waiting for some kind of movement, noise, or cry to signal from felix’s room. one by one they had broken off into their own rooms, placing soft feather kisses on each other’s faces before exiting. changbin was the last to leave the living room, cleaning up before exiting into his own room for the night but not before checking on felix. 

🐣

it had been the next morning, felix was asleep in minho’s bed, and his light pink pacifier had fallen out. minho woke up first, the tears shed from felix’s face leaving red splotches on his cheeks. felix stretched, his fists accidentally hitting minho in the chest. soon wide doe eyes fluttered open and stared at minho who was smiling. felix squealed softly making minho’s heart full. “see pixie, i didn’t go anywhere, mommy was here all night.” minho spoke in a hushed voice.

it had been four hours after minho had fallen asleep. the apartment was calm, a few still up in the early mornings when felix woke up and started crying loudly. minho immediately pushed himself out of sleep and wandered over to felix’s room, not bothering to knock, and stepped in. felix was tangled in his blankets and his pacifier had been spit out. 

“uh oh, what’s gotten my princess so troubled?” minho cooed, walking further into the room and bending down to pick up felix. felix fell lax in minho’s bare arms, huffing and puffing as he mouthed minho’s shoulder blade. minho ignored the mannerism and turned out of felix’s room to walk towards the kitchen. felix kept tearing up. his sad tears dropping off his eyelashes and falling onto minho’s shoulder. the caregiver was quick to open the refrigerator door, rubbing felix’s back when the little shivered. with quick hands, minho took the bottle from the side door and moved to the microwave, uncapping the bottle and putting it in to heat it up. while the two waited, minho leaned against the counter, he looked over felix carefully. the little still mouthing at the caregiver’s shoulder while staring dumbly at minho. the microwave beeped and minho was quick to push himself and felix off the counter, opening up the microwave door and pulling out the bottle. he tested the liquid on his wrist and nodded to himself. he exited the kitchen and walked back to his room. there’d be no use in putting felix back in his own room. 

with a soft kick of the bedroom door, it opened. minho’s room was cozy yet still chic. he set down the bottle and then moved with felix to his closet. felix whined, hiding his face in his caregiver’s neck as he opened the door. through the dim lights of minho’s soft fairy lights, his hand grabbed for an unopened muslin blanket to wrap felix in for the remainder of the morning. felix was in the smallest headspace, the option to put him on the ground wasn’t an option. with one hand, minho opened up the light pink muslin blanket, putting it on the bed near the wall so felix couldn’t fall off. when he stepped back to look at his work, he smiled, kissing felix’s temple and laying him down on the blanket. felix immediately started to whine but minho tutted his actions by grabbing the bottle and moving in next to felix. with gentle hands, he wrapped up felix and then pulled him closer to him. a soft finger tapped felix’s lips signaling him to open up. felix’s lips parted as minho carefully introduced the nipple of the bottle. felix was slow with drinking it, wide doe eyes staring up at minho holding the bottle. “mommy will keep you safe tonight okay? i’ll sleep right next to you and i’ll protect you.” felix shed a few more tears that night until he stopped with minho’s offered skinship and soft singing.

hyunjin knocked on minho’s door, peeking his head in and smiling at the two. “ hello mommy and baby.” minho looked hyunjin up and down, offering his hand out. hyunjin took it, moving forward as minho reeled him in closer to the bed. “can you watch him while i go to the bathroom? great thanks hyune.” minho was quick to push hyune onto his bed and bolt out of the room. “did you have a good time with mommy?” hyunjin asked, giggling as he neared felix’s cheeks. the blonde blew raspberries into felix’s cheeks, kissing his face all over while felix squealed. soon other members walking by, filed into the room, the open door an automatic invitation. 

seungmin and hyunjin sat on minho’s bed, taking turns blowing raspberries into felix’s plump cheeks, smiling wide every time felix squealed. minho came back, dusting his hands onto his sweatpants.

Chapter Text

felix had woken up big from his nap. 

he had tempted to fall back asleep, pretending he didn’t just wake up big but he stayed away. staring at his white ceiling as the thoughts ran through his mind. he was at a standstill. he lazily tried to find his phone, his hand hitting his bedside table multiple times before his fingers grazed the familiarity of his case. he brought the screen to his face, notifications compiling and buzzing rapidly. yet the most exciting and popular notifications came from twitter. with blurry sleep hazed eyes, he opened his phone to twitter. 

he tapped on the bell, reading through a few of the threads he was tagged in before one stuck out to him most. well, a few did. 

@givemeyourtmistay: has made a thread “your favorite little kpop idols for multis” a thread 

he scrolled through, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion as to why he was tagged. the more he took in, the more he realized it was a thread of his fans asking the user to be added. he deemed it decent before going to his timeline and noticing pictures of him and a female on the playground, photos taken from a few days ago. 

@antifragilehyune: my stayfearnot heart !! lix and yunjin are so cute !! besties !!

@superboardsakura: this, this is everything !! i need them to interact more 

@antititifragile: was this accidental or planned /gen

he had made a friend? he didn’t quite remember that, his mind was still hazed and confused but at least the fans were enjoying it. a knock at the door startled him out of his thoughts, tucking his phone away, sat up quickly, and turned his head to look at the visitor. “hi baby, ready to e-.”

“i’m big,” he whispered. his face became red due to the embarrassment. it had been jisung, standing against the door frame now, staring at his day apart twin. “oh wow lix, how are you feeling? do you need anything?” felix began pulling at his sleeves, making a poor effort to make sweater paws with the shortness of his hoodie sleeves. suddenly, the overwhelming sensation was taking over. jisung took note, pushing himself off the door frame and quickly walking and squatting down by felix’s bedside. “hey now, there’s no need to feel overwhelmed. you were perfect, everything about big lix and little lix is perfect to me and the members.” it was silent, felix still trying to soothe his anxious hands. “no need for that.” jisung tried to interrupt felix’s anxious hands but was met with a flinch. jisung mumbled a ‘whoa’ before retreating his hands. 

carefully, felix removed himself from his spot on the bed, carefully tiptoeing from the bed to the door. jisung watched from behind, now standing back up and slowly approaching felix. the little slapped his face with his hand as he walked toward the living room. he froze as he stared at the teether, his blanket, his bunny, and many of the assorted bins on the floor. suddenly his hands began to shake, and the memories came to mind. panic arose as he gripped the fabric of his hoodie. suddenly feeling suffocated.

jisung had followed out, watching felix stutter with his actions. almost immediately, felix turned back, rushing to his room and shutting it in jisung’s face. the caregiver stood for a moment, the actions catching up to his brain. 

once inside, felix slumped against the door and held his fists, squeezing them tightly and cursing softly. his breathing picked up and suddenly he was hyperventilating over his overwhelmed state of mind. he hadn’t locked the door, thankfully. from the door he crawled to his bed, sighing to himself before pulling himself up and back into his bed. he got comfortable, curling up and pulling the covers over his nose and chin. he lured himself back to sleep as he lightly traced his arm. with soft patterns being traced felix’s breathing slowed and he was now back to regulating his normal and healthy heart rate. soft chatter and noise could be outside his bedroom door, anxious caregivers conversing with each other, others going along with their day opting to give felix space, and others who weren’t home, to begin with. 

🐣

“ji, just breathe yeah?” it was seungmin, comforting the older caregiver in the comfort of his own room. after the incident, jisung had immediately beaten himself up, first to point a finger and blame himself. seungmin had been helpful, of course. guiding jisung through breathing techniques and providing jisung with helpful input with the side of an anxious and emotional little. the others who had been home during the incident were now either in their own room or standing in seungmin’s door frame. “let’s let him relax or sleep some more and then we’ll see what to do from there. it's mainly our faults for not cleaning up.” seungmin smiled, a reassuring hand rubbing up and down jisung’s hoodie black covered shoulder blade. the two sat like this for a moment before jisung thanked seungmin once more and moved from his spot on his bed. 

in the midst of the caregivers moving back around the home, jeongin had softly sprinted to seungmin’s bedroom door, softly beckoning the two to follow him with a wave of a hand. in a confused state, jisung and seungmin followed their maknae, passing by another member’s room before approaching changbin’s door. 

“if you’re planning to do some kind of failed prank on binnie hyung, i want nothing to do with it.” seungmin spoke, his voice monotone and facial expression stern as he stared at jeongin. with a huff of annoyance, jeongin ignored the statement and softly pushed open changbin’s door. 

in the middle of changbin’s bed lay felix. tucked underneath his caregiver’s comforter and blankets, small and pure. it had been unknown and quiet when felix had moved from his room to changbin’s yet seungmin’s bedroom was furthest away from the little’s. “i went to check on him, just in case and when i got to his room, he wasn’t there. i panicked thinking we would miss him if he left the apartment but noticed when i saw changbin’s door pushed open slightly. hyung always leaves his door shut.” jeongin explained, cooing as he took pictures with his phone from afar. 

“sneaky one.” jisung tutted. the three caregivers stood there in the door frame for a moment longer before eventually, seungmin slightly steered them away. it was late nor was it early. it had been right at two pm when other caregivers walked through the door of the apartment, sighing in relief as they took their shoes off. minho would be the first to enter into the living room where the others sat, then chan, hyunjin, and changbin smiling in passing on his way to his room. jeongin was quick to stand on top of the gray couch cushions, chan and minho sighing at the action, jeongin then tutting at changbin as he walked. “changbin wait!” the maknae was late with the warning, jumping off the couch and following suit, the other caregivers watching, two of them in an understanding and the others left to be confused. 

if the timing was just right, jeongin would’ve caught changbin’s arm before he walked into his own room but the youngest was late, standing in the hallway and watching changbin contort in his own emotions. gently he let his black backpack fall off his shoulders, cooing ever so softly as he carefully walked over to his own bed. jeongin had softly tiptoed toward changbin’s door frame, peering in and watching. felix had shifted at the slight noise, eyes fluttering open and soon locking eyes. almost immediately tears welled up and felix was whining. “whoa baby, binnie’s here, no need to get fussy.” changbin walked towards his bed, bending down and engulfing felix in his arms. felix continued to cry out his whiny crocodile tears as changbin kissed the crown of his head. “you’ve must’ve been asleep for hours, hm?" felix was now only whimpering, stuffing his head into changbin’s neck as his hyung rubbed his back. 

“he needs to eat.” jeongin blurted out. the sudden voice making felix jump in changbin’s hold. “okay, we can do that, can’t we felix? good boys eat for their daddies, yeah?” changbin smiled, bouncing felix on his hip, unaware of the title that had slipped out of his mouth. felix was unphased but jeongin had stared before making his way back out to the living room. changbin should’ve found himself in the shower, dried sweat from earlier soaked into his skin and clothes but felix was his own priority right now. the duo entered the living room, all seven other members smiling and laughing with each other but silencing as they entered. a chorus of “hello baby” and “lixie pixies” sounded as changbin rounded the couch to sit with felix on his lap. changbin was understanding of the skinship that felix wanted but he also wanted to show off their baby, finally awake after many, too many hours of sleep. felix only huffed to himself and gripped onto his caregiver’s neck harder and with much annoyance. a tell tale sign that felix had fallen into his deeper headspace, though it was expected. 

for the entire late afternoon, felix had attached himself to changbin. wherever the third oldest caregiver was felix had to be right there with him. if changbin was playing with him on the floor, felix was by his side, playing with his hand. if changbin was on the couch, felix was on his lap. if changbin was gone for a millisecond, somewhere out of sight, felix panicked. the other caregivers could but also couldn’t understand the situation. changbin had thought felix sincerely missed him so when he stood up to go shower, he didn’t expect felix to whine. eventually, seungmin had taken over, playing with felix. with wide eyes, he stared at his other members then at felix, who was on his lilypad, playing with seungmin’s finger. 

“i have to go shower, what should i do?”  he asked, worry spread on his face. they all collectively sighed, knowing that a tantrum was brewing deep inside the attached little. “go shower, change, we’ll try and distract him while you step out. don’t worry, he’ll be fine.” chan mumbled, busying himself with the toy in his hand. changbin nodded, walking out of the living room, carefully inching to the hallway and down to his room. felix was squealing at seungmin. this could work. this was really working. 

felix had his back to changbin, his attention now focused on seungmin and the silly looking duck in his hand. the rest of the caregivers exhaled, and tantrums were avoided… for now. with the members floating in and out of the living space, it was getting hard for felix to track changbin. 

“hmm, let's try tummy time, hm?” felix was picked up by hyunjin. the little looked around more but was becoming panicked. hyunjin lowered him down onto his tummy, sitting beside him and smiling softly. soon felix started crying to which hyunjin picked him up and held him close. “so grumpy.” 

“try this,” jeongin walked in, handing hyunjin a bottle of warm milk and a pink sanrio bowl of fruit. “this might make him happier.” hyunjin softly thanked jeongin as he slowly sat down next to the hyung. they cooed and talked as felix drank the bottle, clutching his small hands on top of hyunjin’s and staring up as hyunjin smiled and praised. with a soft yawn, felix’s lips formed into a pout and his eyelids began fluttering closed. “go on angel baby, sleep, it’s okay, your hyune’s got you.” 

“he’s a sleeper, that’s for sure.” jeongin softly commented, petting at felix’s messy hair. hyunjin had held out the baby towel, a silent request for jeongin to wipe the corner of felix’s milk covered lips. 

🐣

when felix woke up, he was pressed against someone’s bare chest with a blanket covering his entire body. he was being moved around as he heard his caregivers conversing. he whined softly, nudging his head into the chest. now confused and still sleepy, he began whimpering. when the blanket was pulled back, minho’s face appeared and smiled down at him. “hello, my princess.” carefully taking felix from changbin’s hold and covering him back in his blanket, on his lap. suddenly the conversation surrounding him grew louder. minho was softly caressing felix’s face, his attention directed across the table. when felix decided to turn himself around he saw strangers, or close friends of the group sitting at the table as well. changbin scooting his chair out, pulled felix out of his trance on the friends. immediately felix rose his arms, beckoning changbin to pick him up but the caregiver ignored his plea. minho noticing the tension, was quick to pull felix in and kiss his little one on the temple. “princess, he needs to go put on a shirt, silly binnie hm? two of my clingy babies.” 

the excited scream from the living room caught felix off guard. with a sigh and apology from the friends from across the table, they rose from the table and opened their mouths to discipline.

Chapter Text

the excited scream from the living room caught felix off guard. with a sigh and apology from the friends from across the table, they rose from the table and opened their mouths to discipline.

“beomie and kai, please use your inside voices. you’ve woken up the little one.” felix knew that wasn’t the truth, he had woken up on his own, on his own accord, and no one here was to blame.

immediately soft pitter-pattering of socked feet were heard on the hardwood floors of the apartment. both yeonjun and soobin had sat back down in dining room chairs, taehyun smirking softly as he lifted his little, beomgyu up in his lap. hueningkai was now sitting in between yeonjun’s legs, playing with a plushie. more specifically, felix’s plushie. now, felix was always one to share. both in his little space and in his big space, he’d drop whatever he was doing to assist and share whatever gummy, drink, or even money to help out his members. though, one thing he didn’t share… his plushies. sure, he’d let his members look or play with them within reach but never would he allow for someone, he only barely knew to touch and play with them. 

the conversation began again, chan and soobin immersing themselves in company talks, yeonjun, hyunjin, and minho talking about caregiver advice, and lastly, taehyun, jisung, seungmin and jeongin talking about animes, video games and much more. felix’s eyes were set on watching hueningkai ’s movement with his bunny plushie, carrot. “mommy mine.” he mumbled softly, a hand tugging at minho’s soft tan collared shirt, his voice not daring to get any louder. minho’s attention was pulled away from the conversation, settling a hand on top of felix’s. slowly felix’s spite was increasing just a bit more. changbin came walking back in, a gray mahagrid hoodie being pulled over his chest. 

without any discussion, changbin picked up felix, walked him into the living room, and settled him down onto his lily pad. soon after, beomgyu and hueningkai trailed behind, a watchful taehyun following. “mind if we join?” taehyun asked, smoothing out his jeans before sitting down near changbin on the couch.

“no, not at all.” changbin smiled, stretching quietly and yawning.

“sorry for intruding at this late of an hour, we had taken the boys to some shops and as we were walking i had brought up that you all lived in the area and we could visit. i didn’t actually believe they’d comply… for once. we didn’t mean to stumble in while you were fresh out of a shower and food was ready to be served.” taehyun laughed, his attention taken away from the conversation to softly gush at an orange duck toy beomgyu was intrigued on showing him, on his jean-clad knees as he softly mumbled to taehyun. hueningkai was sitting in front of felix, a knowing smirk on his face as he played with felix’s bunny.  

felix didn’t like impromptu playdates anymore . 

the grumpy little turned on his butt, his eyes locked and focused out the living room's window, the lit-up skyline was now much more interesting than the other little who was taunting him. spite had now struck in his little heart. others gathered in the living room, finding places to sit on the floor, couch, or chairs. with a harsh pout, felix glanced away from the window and crawled towards chan on the couch. instead of asking to be picked up, he maneuvered himself in between chan’s open legs, pouting outwardly at the group of thirteen. chan stopped his conversation with soobin to inspect his little, pouting and glaring at the others, or well someone in particular. with confused caregiver eyes, he spotted hueningkai’s hold on felix's beloved carrot. chan tilted up his head to try and catch the attention of hyunjin, a definite caregiver that could easily distract felix in his pouty form. “hey hyune, if you’re not busy, can you feed felix? i realized he woke up moments after we finished dinner.” chan spoke, a hand on felix’s messy head of hair. easily the dancer complied, standing up, excusing himself from the conversation, and made his way through the many legs of others over to the leaders and the little. 

with a soft smile, hyunjin bent down to pick up felix, whose eyes were still on carrot in hueningkai’s sticky and grimy grasp. “let’s see.” hyunjin spoke to himself as soon as he walked out of the living room and into the kitchen, just a few feet away. felix hadn’t realized he was sinking his dull nails into hyunjin’s neck in spite until he heard a hiss and a small tut from the caregiver in pain, his focus too busy on watching hueningkai playing with carrot's little ole paws. sick.

hyunjin had sat felix down in his own designated cushioned dining room seat, a chair that was facing away from those occupied in the living room. hyunjin kissed felix's head and felix was calm, for a moment. eyes now looking away and focused on his busy caregiver. hyunjin had his back turned to felix, as he prepped his dinner on the counter. it didn't take long to cut up felix's food in halves before hyunjin turned around, coming back with a white and blue cinnamoroll plate with the halves of bibimbap and rice. the caregiver moved over to his own chair and scooted it closer to felix, assisting in feeding him with his bibimbap and rice, wiping his mouth ever so slightly with a wet napkin each time he made a minor mess. for a moment, felix felt shy every time he glanced up and saw his smiling and proud caregiver. “you’re so good at eating. my good boy.” with one more bite, felix finished, hyunjin wiping his little’s hands and face as well as his own with a new and cold sanitary towel then stood him up by his chair while he went over to the sink. dropping in the plate and putting on the yellow rubber cleaning gloves to wash up. 

felix was feeling small but not too small. he could stand, maybe walk or run, but he felt small. 

when hyunjin finished up cleaning felix’s plate and utensils, he walked back to felix, holding his hand out for the little one to take. the two walked back into the living room, a soft ambiance of soft music playing on the tv and hushed talking surrounded the room. hyunjin stood near the edge of the couch with felix at his side. once again, everyone was either sitting on the couches, seats, or on the floor. minho and seungmin had asked felix if he had eaten well and with a shy blush, felix had nodded. they always loved when he ate well.

beomgyu and kai were in their own world, babbling to each other as their caregivers relaxed and talked. felix wouldn’t say he was close with the other members of the group but he would politely talk to them in passing at music shows. recently, he had no real time to talk to anyone new with his little space schedules, and regular schedules, and now with therapy sessions to add on top, he wouldn’t know when the opportunity to make friends would arise again. with soft steps, he let go of hyunjin’s hand, waddling over, tiptoeing and easing himself into the txt duo’s circle. the hushed conversation surrounding the little’s silenced as felix dared to make new friends on his own. as soon as beomgyu felt his presence and looked up, felix backed up. with watchful eyes, soobin, opened his mouth to try and assist with the guidance of the very obviously shy little.

“little bear, what did you tell appa earlier, about felix’s freckles?” soobin had moved spots, now sitting on the floor, his back resting against the couch in between yeonjun’s legs. the oldest of their group, playing with the second oldest with newly dyed blonde hair. beomgyu took a moment to think, setting down the blueberry toy and staring at his caregivers in hopes of remembering. eyes of confusion had turned into eyes of remembrance as the little one stood up and screamed,”i said, i said i like felix’s freckles!” 

felix’s freckles had been the talk all throughout the kpop industry. known as one of the ninth wonders of the world. to experience them in real time was not just a luxury but a gift or so the others say. felix had talked openly about how he didn’t mind his freckles, a matter of factly just stating that they were just “ugly freckles that got in the way of his visuals and he'd try harder.” after that statement, he got positively attacked by his members, fans, and others on the internet for saying something so ridiculous and to free his freckles more.

felix was quick to blush at the compliment, running back to hyunjin, jumping on him, and trying his best to hide in hyunjin’s oversized jersey-styled shirt. “ouch lixie, please-,” hyunjin was trying his best to sit his little on his lap but felix was adamant on getting away, or well hiding away from the compliment. “i think what felix is trying to say is thank you beomgyu.” chan took over, looking over at his little who was trying his absolute best to cover and hide in a blanket then at beomgyu who was giggling wildly. hyunjin had finally settled felix on his lap, covering them both with a blanket. though beomgyu was quick to run over, making an attempt to play with the shy little. with the help and encouragement of hyunjin, felix and beomgyu began playing. 

after felix had decided he was no longer shy with the other little, he was quick to kick off the blanket hyunjin had tried so hard to hide his little in and slipped onto the floor. from there beomgyu told kai about felix in simpler terms but it seemed felix had only warmed up to beomgyu. taking toys from him, and showing him and kai to the bins which made chan scold his little from the couch earning three mischievous giggles. the fun had gone down when changbin had advised felix that he needed to try and use the restroom. felix had whined at changbin, trying his best to hide in the blanket seungmin and jisung were using but it had been no use, changbin had picked him up from his poorly hidden spot under the blanket and carried him to the hallway bathroom. 

when felix had accomplished his goal, changbin softly pushed him back out into the hallway, following felix. taehyun and kai had been standing next, taehyun laughing softly as he thanked him for the restroom reminder. soft pink socks had rounded the corner of the hallway and immediately stopped in place when spotting jeongin sitting on the floor with a laughing beomgyu in his arms. everyone endeared at the moment between the two except for felix. felix paled and turned on his heel and insisting changbin carried him. "a change of heart, hm?" 

 no, the poisonous envy. 

the night continued on with jeongin and beomgyu being endeared with each other and the others never bat an eye. during the bluey episodes, seungmin had put on for background noise beomgyu was sitting on jeongin’s lap. when they played again for the umpteenth time that night, beomgyu and hueningkai were there with jeongin. felix had left himself out but he would’ve liked to be invited in, maybe. when it was time to leave, felix was held in chan’s arms, holding onto his black shirt’s fabric and softly waving goodbye to the members of tomorrow by together. for the entire rest of the evening, felix found himself purposefully straying away from jeongin. 

🐣

“alright little prince, it’s bath time! are you ready?” jeongin laughed, his expression bright and animated but the little had turned away and run towards jisung still on the couch to hide away. it was a known motive that felix would try and run away from jeongin when it was time to bathe so the outburst was seen as normal. when jisung was quick to surrender felix’s hiding spot, jeongin came over happily to the little lying on the couch. “no!” felix shouted, rolling over onto his tummy and pushing himself off so he could carry on running away. his pink socked feet hit the floor and took off toward’s minho’s room. he’d save felix. jisung and jeongin both made glances at each other, trying to decipher if the little was in a playful or upset mood. 

pink socks found themselves running through minho’s open door, invading his and hyunjin’s conversation. minho was sitting on his bed and hyunjin in his desk chair when felix invaded, arms outstretched. minho was quick to engulf the little, placing him on his lap yet the duo of danceracha stared at each other, after a quick glance over minho looked up at hyunjin confused. “mommy want to bath please.” felix mumbled, his lips tickling at minho’s neck. “yes baby you can bath now, let’s go find jeongin.” almost immediately felix whined, his arms tightening around minho’s neck. “no jeonginnie, no mommy no!” felix was crying now, desperate to get away from the maknae. hyunjin had stood up from his seat on the desk chair, carefully coming closer to sit next to minho. 

the bed dipped and suddenly felix was trying to wrap both of his arms around the two. “can mommy help you? maybe if you explain what happened, mommy and hyune can help.” minho spoke, hush and soft over the shell of felix’s ear. felix shook his head but both jisung and jeongin had arrived at the doorframe of minho’s room. 

“what’s happening?” hyunjin asked, his eyes directed at jeongin. jeongin who was also confused shrugged as well as jisung, his laptop still in his hand. minho had put a finger up to silence the others,” do you want to bathe with jeongin or mommy?” it was a bit of an unfair question, to make felix choose but jeongin was known as the bathtime king. he was fun, playful, and quick with felix. felix had chosen him over others and was known for waiting until jeongin would come home to help bathe him. “mommy, bathe mommy.” felix cried. the four caregivers sat and stood, the tension and tenderness of the room had been set in place. 

felix had denied jeongin. 

Chapter Text

jeongin stood stunned.

felix had denied him for the first time ever since he entered little space. yet, he was confused as to why. what had shifted within felix to make him deny the youngest caregiver? without noticing it, both minho and jisung were guiding him away from the doorframe, hushed mutters and hand pats on his back. though this was a frustrating scenario, he couldn’t be upset at the little, maybe it was something that he had done subconsciously or consciously, that was for him and felix, in a big space to figure out.

jisung had ushered jeongin to his room, taking the towel off his shoulder and setting the fluffy towel on his drawers. minho had left, mumbling to jisung but jeongin only caught “i’ll take care of him” before minho slipped away. “maybe he was overwhelmed.” jisung stated, sitting next to jeongin on his bed. the maknae still hadn't moved a muscle. jeongin was deep in his head, calculating his moves of the night, his actions, words, and expressions. with furrowed eyebrows, he nodded to himself. he looked up from his rub and stared at jisung who was looking back at him with many worries. “do you think, do you think he was jealous ji?” jisung took a moment to himself, looking around the maknae’s room, now going back into his mind to remind himself of the night. jisung was quick to cover his mouth with his hand as he stared at jeongin, eyebrows furrowed and concentrated. “you played with beomgyu. it sounds silly to say but felix, hasn't experienced sharing with others, especially littles. it feels right in the sense of him becoming possessive over all of us.” with both heads nodding, it made sense or they hoped it made sense.

“we start scheduling again tomorrow, if he’ll allow you, talk with him. it’s possible he didn’t know what he did.” jisung spoke, smiling as he began standing. 

in one of the shared bathrooms, hyunjin sat on the closed lid of the toilet, felix on his lap as he watched minho fill the tub. felix seemed more content now, in hyunjin’s grasp and holding a pororo bath toy. the only noise was the sound of water filling and felix’s occasional small noises. with small movements, minho started undressing felix on hyunjin’s lap. pulling off his white top as hyunjin ducked his head to kiss felix’s cheeks. the duo continued to undress the little, gently placing him in his bubble bath, and watching him splash around. changbin had passed by, making funny faces at felix before walking off into the apartment. felix’s baths never took long, quick to get him cleaned up and bathed properly. hyunjin had washed felix’s hair as minho got to washing the little’s body carefully. the duo making quick work. after a few more minutes, felix was taken out of the bathtub wrapped in a big blue fluffy towel, and carried on hyunjin’s hip. hyunjin stuttered in his step unaware if minho wanted him to take over. “you can take him to bed, i’ll go inform chan and see how jeongin is doing.” minho spoke, his back to the two as he unplugged the toy. “okay, goodnight lino.” hyunjin smiled. felix already tuckered out. 

the night continued to be calm. when hyunjin got to his room, he quickly dressed felix on his bed, popping a pacifier into his mouth before softly tucking him safely in his bed. without looking back, hyunjin got undressed and redressed again before leaving quickly to do his own bedtime routine. when he came back felix hadn't moved, his arms spread out and took up space. hyunjin turned off the lights, walked carefully over to his bed, got under his covers, and pulled the little towards his chest. 

🐥

it had been the next morning, felix was asleep in hyunjin’s bed, and his light pink gray pacifier had fallen out. hyunjin was the first to wake up first, the tears shed from felix’s face leaving red splotches on his cheeks. felix stretched, his fists accidentally hitting hyunjin in the chest. soon wide doe eyes fluttered open and stared at hyunjin who was smiling. “miss you.” hyunjin’s heart was full. “little star, i didn’t go anywhere, hyune was here all night.” felix whined, not satisfied with hyunjin’s answer. “play?” felix asked, hyunjin moving the fallen light pink and gray pacifier from his mouth. “we have to go film today, for stays. we can play after, don’t worry.” it was true. yesterday had the last break day for the group. today was back to scheduling and practices. with a small soft kiss to his forehead, hyunjin watched little felix blush into a cherry red tomato, “little star, it’s a big day, let’s get up.” hyunjin sat up fully, putting felix’s pacifier on his bedside table. he didn’t know how long it would take for felix to become big so he just sat up, watching over him and humming before getting up and going to his closet. while hyunjin busied himself in his closet, he’d peek out every so often to note the mannerisms. 

felix both in big and little space were all the same but tiny mannerisms set them apart. for example, if he were to wake up little he’d fight the urge to wake up, squeezing his fists together, eyes closed, and whining. if he was big, he’d open his eyes and smile, stretching and then sitting up. “hyung, head hurts.” hyunjin was quick to melt, smiling as he approached felix and hugged him. felix’s head in hyunjin’s chest. “you had a big meltdown last night, we won’t talk about it right now but why don’t you go into the kitchen and get some food in your system? i’ll bring you some painkillers.” felix nodded, just now noticing that he had slept in hyunjin’s room. he pushed off more of the blanket’s covers and waddled out of his hyung’s room.

loud chatter was sounded from the kitchen and dining room. with a yawn, he walked in, everyone greeting him a good morning as they sat at their spots at the table. he sat next to jeongin, a wide smile on the maknae’s face. minho handed over a plate and smiled. “you doing okay?” jeongin asked, patting felix’s hair as he focused on eating. felix hummed. “i’ll leave you alone so you can eat, you know i love you right?” jeongin smiled, taking his own plate and standing up. felix nodded, watching jeongin walk towards the kitchen sink before exiting. he was feeling weird, almost like he had been in trouble but he couldn’t place the exact feeling. hyunjin came out of his room, walking past the other members to set two painkillers down on the table in front of felix. “thanks.” felix spoke, taking the two white pills in his hand and stealing a sip from jisung’s water to down them. 

“we have about an hour and a half before we need to be at the building by 12:30 for shooting. everyone needs to be dressed and ready and out the door by eleven, we’ll stop by a café for coffees, smoothies, etcetera.” chan spoke, tapping his fingers against the table as he stared up at the remaining members at the table. 

🐥

somehow the writers had decided to make a new family in the stray kid's universe. when the group came to set, felix was big in his headspace, responding well and being productive. the caregivers didn’t seem to worry about their little as he got his outfit and makeup done for the set. they had traveled for a bit outside the city to go to a house in the countryside. the set was like most, with a ton of cameras and lighting. important people here and there. script writers and camera directors marking the member’s future spots. each caregiver had asked felix if he felt okay or if he felt overwhelmed but the black-haired little would just respond with a nod or shake of his head. stylists and makeup artists had set up different rooms for each other. felix was alone, his lips being tinted a soft pink as his stylists put on white chunky sneakers. 

in a meeting awhile back, he remembered hearing that the stylists wanted to play with skirts and dresses for the members. he wasn’t sure if the high-ups would follow through with that request, fearful of backlash but as soon as he entered his designated room, he made eye contact with a blue and soft yellow plaid skirt. he didn’t mind the idea of wearing “girl clothes''. instead, he found himself getting excited as he got clothed in an oversized blue sweatshirt with a blue carebear on it and a skirt with white socks and white chunky shoes. his staff members gushed at his cuteness, pinching his cheeks and poking his stomach as he blushed. “noonas, you’re gonna make me slip before shooting.” he mumbled, his hands over his stomach as he swung his leg back and forth. the two looked at each other before looking across to the slightly ajar door. the noise and music blasting out loud, noise from company staff, music from the various different rooms, it was safe to say, their conversation would be soundproof. “i think the goal of this episode is so that viewers can watch you slip. that’s why you’re in your own room as well as your other members.” felix only stared. “oh.” 

“but you didn’t hear that from us.” his noonas laughed. felix smiled with them, thanking them as they left. felix stood up from his chair and walked to the window. he saw the camera crew ready and testing equipment. he hummed to himself, pacing the room. he got a knock at his door, and a crew member got him to directly follow him downstairs. felix played with the ends of his sleeves as he followed. now he was feeling anxious. “go sit on the floor, you see those coloring books and cute little trinkets, sit there until your caregivers come in.” felix nodded, noting how they used the word ‘caregivers’ instead of ‘members’, walking towards the spot that was pointed to, bowing respectfully to the camera crew that was sitting across from the set. he looked up and saw one of his stylists on the other side of the camera barrier. she moved across the camera barrier, apologizing and moving her bag to her front as she approached felix. “we’re going to do a half up half down ponytail, okay? tell me if this pulls too hard.” felix had zoned out as she styled his hair, chan’s voice coming from inside the hallway. there was laughter and then chan appeared, bowing as he proceeded towards the couch. felix had moved to stand up but his stylists sat him down again, not finishing with tying the white ribbon. he heard bits and pieces of the concept of the video as chan talked to a scriptwriter. 

supposedly, this would be an entirely new family in the stray kids reality, that live a weird life. instead of three couples, it was just two. chan and minho as one and hyunjin and jeongin as the other. changbin and seungmin would be chan’s brothers, uncles to felix’s character and jisung would be a nosy neighbor trying to crash into hyunjin and jeongin’s marriage. it truly just seemed like the company wanted to see their interaction with little felix on camera so they made up a quick idea. it felt complicated. 

felix froze in realization. his hands going back to his sleeves. a tap on his chin took him out of his glance to the floor. he moved his glance from the floor to look at where the tap came from. felix nearly choked on his spit as he stared at hyunjin. his member was wearing blonde extensions, and pretty makeup adorning his face, but that wasn’t what caught felix off guard. it was the white silk dress and lace gloves that his stylists dressed him in. felix’s brain was going berserk. he wasn’t focusing on hyunjin’s question because he heard heels stepping across the floor. minho was there smiling down at him, brown long extensions slipped into his hair, pretty makeup, and a long red slip dress gracefully sculpting his body. “i’m starting to see what they did here.” changbin noted. when did he get there? felix looked over at him, sitting on the floor. though it felt like his standard dress, it felt classy. a black oversized button-up, stuffed into black ripped jeans, and a pair of combat boots laced on his feet. one by one his caregivers filed in, sitting either on the floor with felix or waiting for a cue to enter. 

the filming had started but felix had zoned out… hard . he felt himself teetering between big and little space but he had to regress to finish the recording. hyunjin’s hand was petting his hair, making his task to just stare and play with the rug on the floor harder than expected. he heard chan and minho being lovey dovey for the camera, ignoring them and reaching for the coloring book that the director pointed to earlier. it was becoming louder and more chaotic as the plotline thickened and suddenly everything was becoming overwhelming. the lights, the many cameras, the staff, the chatter, everything. felix breathed in and out softly, focusing on finding a coloring page. this was intentional. shouldn’t he just give the staff what they want? no, he can’t and he won’t. he needed to show people that he’s not just a little. 

he gripped at his exposed thigh, his nails sinking making small little indents and cuts. he finally landed on a page with three penguins on an iceberg. when he looked up to see what was happening, jeongin was on the couch next to hyunjin, minho was leaning on chan while talking to changbin, jisung, and seungmin. they were all doing the job that they were here to do except for felix. 

he tried to remember his anxiety tactics. pointing out five things he could see. hyunjin’s hand on jeongin’s vest, the cameraman tapping his foot, the three penguins, his heart pumping rapidly and jeongin’s one cuffed jean leg and the other not cuffed. embarrassing. four things he could hear. chan and minho’s conversation about an expensive business, jisung’s laugh, hyunjin’s hums, and seungmin talking about textbooks. three things he could touch. the crayon in between his fingers, the carpet underneath his bum, and the paper in between his fingers. two things he can smell. the hairspray in his hair and the smell of the home they were currently filming in. one thing he could taste. the blood in his mouth? huh?

with sudden urgency felix softly closed the coloring book, standing up on wobbly legs. when he slowly walked towards the door and the hallway, the door busted open and a person wearing a black cape and an alien mask came out, startling felix who had fallen on his bum. seriously, what’s up with jumpscares? the alien walked towards felix, his feet kicking to get the person away as he scooted back. felix was quick to scramble to his legs, running to where the five stood, immediately hiding behind chan. seriously, what was this? 

minho turned, consoling felix. “you’re okay, you’re okay.” felix could feel not only chan’s anger and tension with the production team but changbin was glaring. felix had gripped minho’s dress as he felt himself get dizzy and overwhelmed. it was a sensory overload. 

felix pushed off of minho and ran to the door, pushing the “alien” to the side and exiting. felix ran past other stylists, makeup artists, staff members, and caterers. he ran out the front door of the house, hugging himself tightly. he tried to console himself by giving himself breathing exercises to follow but it was no use. he was far too deep and far too overwhelmed. members of the staff watched closely, not engaging, thinking this was all for the sketch. he was teetering ever so slightly but refusing to actually slip. he felt all eyes on him and that only grew into his overwhelmed nature. he bowed before turning and walking back through the front door and going up to the room that was reserved for him. softly he shut the door and walked over to the closet, opening its door and hiding in the closet. 

soon enough he heard heels, thumping against the wooden floors and the door to the room open. “what is wrong with them? minho, what’s wrong with them? this is the second time!” it was hyunjin’s groaning voice and a dramatic sigh following after. “i don’t know hyune, it’s unfair to us but especially to felix. the poor baby is probably so overwhelmed, they keep trying to milk this situation out.” minho sighed. 

“despite this terrible situation, i wanted to say you look very pretty.” hyunjin complimented. the two were looking around the room, very poorly . “you do too! was it you that suggested feminine clothing? i adore it. i’ve been wanting to try more feminine looks but i fear they’ve put me in something so powerful, i’ll never turn back to masculine looks.” minho laughed, going through felix’s backpack and grabbing a spare pacifier just in case. “it was, yeah. i don’t know, i just need to feel different i suppose.” hyunjin spoke honestly, sitting on the bed as minho entered the bedroom’s bathroom. “i get that, i’m glad i got a feminine title.” minho preened. felix felt terrible for eavesdropping on such an intimate conversation. though he could just pretend to be exhausted and they’d never bat an eye. the power of being a spoiled and sneaky little. soon the closet door slid open, and felix’s eyes quickly fluttered close. 

“there’s the princess.” minho whispered, hyunjin now standing up and pulling down the dress. felix pretended to wake up, humming. “hello little star.” hyunjin gleamed. the little one stared up at the two, a thud in his heart hitting hard. “i think i’m b-, can we go home? please.” felix cut himself off, noticing the deflected looks on his caregiver's face. “we’ll see. i think chan is having a very mean word with the people downstairs.” hyunjin spoke. felix had caused all of this. the clusterfuck of poor production. if he had only just played his part, this wouldn’t be happening. the overwhelming stress was prickling at his skin, numbing it and creating a heavier feeling. chan was downstairs, most likely having an argument, who knows what the other members were doing if not joining in with chan. he sucked in a shuddered breath and glanced up. the gloss of incoming tears is evident. “mommies are mad at felix? is sorry.”

there it was. the breaking of the damn. hyunjin gasped softly, looking at minho and then felix. “can mommy have a lixie cuddle?” felix nodded, crawling out of the closet and doing his best to stand on his wobbly and numbed legs. instead, hyunjin picked him up, walked towards the bed, and sat with felix on his lap. minho was to his right side, smiling and petting felix’s hair. “you look so cute today. so small and cute. our little blueberry.” hyunjin teased, bopping his gloved finger to felix’s nose. felix hummed, playing with hyunjin’s long extensions. “they must look familiar, hm?” felix’s eyes actually began to grow big, a curious doe eyed little now present. minho smiled, softly tucked the pacifier between the little’s lips, smiling at hyunjin, mouthing a soft “congrats.” 

shortly after felix distracted himself with hyunjin’s extensions, seungmin came through the door. “minho, can you come downstairs for a bit?” minho stopped smiling to nod and stand up, patting both hyunjin and felix’s hair. “what’s wrong?” hyunjin asked, stopping his sway to look at seungmin.

“chan and changbin.” minho was quick to stand up, taking off his heels and following seungmin out of the room and down to the first floor. as soon as minho rounded the staircase, he noticed many of the staff and crew in the room they were just recording in. as he followed seungmin, squeezing past bodies to get to the center of the room. a hand flew to his mouth as he noticed the crew member now on the floor with a bloodied nose, others trying their best to take care of it. he turned around to inspect the suspect, both jisung and jeongin were keeping chan and changbin in a corner, both of them pissed and holding their dominant hands. minho whipped his head back around to make sense of everything. “he’s in another room.” seungmin simply stated, noting the confusion. he slowly made his way over, seungmin following cautiously.

with a simple look, chan and changbin sighed and bowed in an ask for forgiveness. “what happened?” minho asked, picking each one of their hands, and examining carefully. “felix ran out, and two members of the crew made comments about felix. i guess we both blew a fuse at the idea of them intentionally harming felix again and we both saw red.” changbin answered, jeongin softly rubbing his shoulder. minho nodded, it was understandable. was it right? no, but the staff and crew kept intentionally crossing boundaries felix marked off.  “why don’t you four go upstairs, see felix and debrief, chan hyung and i need to talk.” minho smiled, ushering them off quickly. when they walked off and away, minho grabbed chan’s hand, rubbing his knuckles and sighing softly. “lets discuss outside, get a breath of air.” chan nodded, the tension in his mind still evident. 

Chapter Text

🐣

the ensemble had walked their way upstairs, everyone following changbin into felix’s dressing room. when the door was pushed open, everyone walked in smiles going all around except for changbin. his stare still harsh and jaw still clenched. with furrowed eyes, hyunjin tried to communicate with his other members to get a story about what happened but no one caught his glance. instead, everyone crowded around him and felix on the bed. felix wasn’t asleep, eyes closed to closing but he was looking around at his caregivers. tucking his head deeper into hyunjin’s neck when he noticed changbin at his other members. with soft eyes, felix examined everyone around him. jisung and jeongin seemed to be playing and fighting on the bed behind him and hyunjin, the bed moving and rustling. hyunjin and seungmin were just sitting, seungmin making soft occasional touches to felix’s nail indents. felix noticed changbin holding his fist, hitching his breath when he caught changbin’s glance. before changbin could speak there was a knock at the door before a staff member opened it wider. 

felix sat up in hyunjin’s lap, for once his big space shifting in and pushing his little space away. he took out the pacifier that minho gave him and looked at the man dressed in all black at the door. “hey guess, after the incident, we’re still going to continue the skit, it won’t be a skz code but we need changbin and felix to go home along with chan. you all can go downstairs now to start filming again.” hearing his name announced made felix’s heart drop. hyunjin squeezed him softly, kissing his temple before he carefully moved him to the side so he was now sitting on the bed. the four members left, weird energy falling over all of them as they shuffled out of the room. felix sat uncomfortably on the bed staring at the white sheets. changbin had moved out of the room already, going to his own room to grab his belongings before returning to felix’s and picking up felix’s small backpack. “you’re not small right now but i want you to put on my coat, okay? it’s cold outside and you’re only wearing a thin hoodie and a skirt.” changbin commanded, handing over his own black coat to felix. with the door being left open, felix noticed that chan was now upstairs, going into his own room and collecting his items before finding the duo. felix moved off the bed, shyly handing changbin his pacifier before putting on changbin’s coat. it was a scary silence, tension and aggressive energy dangling in the room. “alright let’s go home.” chan whispered, allowing for changbin and felix to leave the room first, changbin trailing behind felix, making sure he could walk down the stairs without trouble. the tension between the staff and felix’s two hyungs felt overwhelming as he walked out in front of them, all eyes on the pair as they all traveled to the car. felix swallowed a nervous gulp before turning around quickly, startling his hyungs,” why is everyone being so weird? did i do something wrong?” 

“there’s no need to worry about that, no one did anything wrong.” chan stated, opening the car door and letting felix get in first. “but something, it doesn’t feel right, it’s so-.”

“drop it felix.” chan demanded, a knowing look silencing the youngest’s concerns. with the three piled and settled in the car, the driver started the car and they were on the road back towards home. felix anxiously started rubbing his palms against his skin, making his palms turn red. “felix, pixie, enough of that.” changbin voiced but felix had completely zoned out, still rubbing at his palms. with a heavy sigh, changbin spoke again. “felix, pixie,” a tap on his leg. “daddy told you to stop that and you weren't listening. will you stop hurting your hands for me?” felix had zoned back in, his head wiping over to look at changbin in the opposite chair. chan was in the passenger seat, on his phone, messaging and answering multiple calls, too distracted to notice the pair in the back. felix had nodded but still, the rubbing of his palms continued. changbin was quick to look down, settling his own hand on top of felix’s. “daddy said to stop, if daddy says stop you need to stop, okay?” changbin spoke softly, earning a soft whimper from felix. felix was teetering in the in between, big enough to understand but small enough to let changbin take over any control. he had also been taken back at changbin pushing his title. he wasn’t mad or upset. In fact, he enjoyed it but right now, changbin was pushing it too hard. changbin felt felix’s hands flatten and then turn into fists. “you better not be doing what i think you’re doing.” felix was doing exactly what changbin assumed was happening. pressing his nails into his palms, inflicting more self pain. felix was staring at changbin hard, almost like a taunt. “enough felix.” it was chan now. off the phone and looking into the rearview mirror. felix huffed, moving his hands out from under changbin’s and turning to his side so he and his body were faced looking out the window. it was a moment of silence between the three, felix shooing off any touch changbin wanted to give him. changbin eventually gave up, playing on his phone through the entire ride. 

when the driver arrived at their apartment building, felix quickly pushed open his door and walk towards the entrance in an annoyed fashion. if luck was on his side, the elevator would’ve opened and closed on his hyungs but instead, they smiled as they stopped the elevator door from closing and walked in, bags on each of their shoulders. felix stayed in the corner of the elevator annoyed with all the secrecy. when the elevator opened for their floor, chan and changbin walked out first but felix refused to step off. teetering. changbin grabbed him by the arm quickly which resulted in the black haired boy throwing himself on the floor. to say the caregivers were shocked was a lie. they saw the tantrum coming ever since felix entered the car. it was just a matter of when and where. felix was crying into his arms, puffing out his cheeks, trying his best to “scare” off his caregivers. “our pixie is so tired, hm? too much work for our baby today.” chan cooed, moving down to pick up felix in his fetal form. 

“i bet his daddies didn’t make it any better huh?” changbin added, softly petting the little’s hair as chan walked with him on his hip towards their apartment door. felix cried, pushing his head into chan’s neck. chan was quick to hum a tune whilst changbin unlocked the door and pushed it open. “are we thinking nap time or snack time?” changbin asked, taking off his shoes and placing his and felix’s backpacks down onto the bench they had near the door. “nap time is probably best, do you want him?” changbin nodded, taking the crying boy from chan’s arms. 

“i might do a chan’s room, clear things up before they get big in the news if they do. if you need any help, just knock.” changbin was quick to nod, watching the leader make his way to his room. felix was already asleep in changbin’s grasp, his plump lips parted softly. 

🐣

Chapter Text

🐣

it had been like a switch for felix. fighting so hard against his biology to instantly fall into the void. if it hadn’t been for the push and pull of the staff, felix would still be working, laughing with his members but instead he was prodded and taunted to the point of regression relapse. 

changbin had sat on the couch, felix cradled in his grasp. soft and small twitches dancing on felix’s closed eyelids. an indicator that he was dreaming hard. perfectly happy in dreamland with everything he could ever want and more. changbin could only smile softly as he smiled down at felix. breathing in the soft vanilla of his lotion and the soft warm cotton of his perfume of the day. with curious fingers, changbin allowed his fingers to travel and trace along felix’s bare thighs, watching and cooing softly when the little squirmed away from the ticklish touch. after a while of changbin tracing over his little, felix was put down on his own for a nap just after falling asleep on changbin’s shoulder. the others were still out of the apartment and felix was tucked away in his bed, plushies surrounding the perimeter of his bed. changbin had texted the group chat of caregivers, alerting his absence in the apartment and leaving the house to grab something quick from the convenience store. 

chan had prepared and alerted stays in the meantime, after cleaning up his room and checking in on felix. texting on bubble, telling stays he would have chan’s room in his actual room during this live. he had done episodes similar, inviting stays to join him and answering questions, and laughing at comments. the leader had just started, waving at the camera and looking at his burner phone to look at comments. it was going smoothly. a stay had requested sandcastle by twice and he had indulged, playing the girl group’s song and sitting back to enjoy the music. on his desk sat his infamous laptop, some notebooks, pens, and a baby monitor. as he was feeling himself in the music, he heard a soft whimper from the baby monitor. 

the caregiver opened his eyes and stared at the white baby monitor with a wolfchan sticker on it. each member had one with their own skzoo stickers to specify. he didn’t think the laptop was close enough for stays to hear but soon stays and other visitors had flooded the chat.

redhyune: did anyone else hear that??

streetlightbin: who was that ?? baby felix?? omg

crypticmaniac: wahh

many of the comments were asking chan to bring felix in but he had dismissed them. if felix was to wake up crying, he’d end up soothing himself back down. they all had their own specific ways of nurturing including felix himself. 

the whimpering and the cries started to grow stronger as soon as the song ended. chan immediately grabbed the baby monitor and silenced it a bit. he put it back on his desk and stared at the chat before looking up. “yeah, he’s okay, he’s probably dreaming hard. i’m sure we might see him when he wakes up soon. it’s about that time.” chan mumbled the last part to himself. chan carried on with his time with stays, ears attentive to felix’s whimpers, whines are other soft noises. changbin had texted chan that he had come back with food and snacks and he would take care of felix, when he was to wake up in his daze. 

changbin was sitting on the couch once again, watching chan from his own phone and smiling to himself. after a few moments of watching, he sat his phone down on the couch and slowly made his way to chan’s room, in a sneaky fashion. when he knocked on the door, he heard a chan giggle and alert stays to cover their ears. changbin then barged in and surprised chan and the stays watching. immediately the chat started flooding with the excitement of hearing changbin. changbin walked in further, after closing the door and peeking his hand and waving to the camera. with time he was quick to show his face and greet the stays, smiling wide and teasing chan. somehow changbin had found himself now sitting next to chan, interacting with the leader and stays. changbin answered a few questions as chan entertained mostly. it had been a few long minutes when the door to chan’s room was pushed open. the duo looked over to the sleepy felix before looking at each other. 

the chat became confused at the sudden quietness of the two. 

case143: uhoh ,, 

jellyhanji: is it frozen or ??

linoscat: i think,, maybe something happened guys 

felix walked further in, blissfully unaware of the live stream, and fell and melted into changbin’s lap. changbin was quick to rub felix’s back, kissing the little’s warm cheek and smiling at chan before standing up and leaving with felix attached on his front. 

seungminluvbot: omg,, baby felix ! in a skirt !

babybread: that was so cute ohmygod

chan looked back at the screen after watching the caregiver and little dismiss from his room. “he’s cute isn’t he?” chan laughed. “he’s okay everyone, he’s had a hard day, we’ll take care of him well.” the chat didn’t pick up the sound of crying from the living room but chan did. he lingered for a few short moments before saying his goodbyes and going off live.

when he walked into the living room, he was surprised to see both felix sitting on changbin’s lap who was sat on the rug, with felix holding fists to his eyes and crying loudly. “so hard baby, i know, it’s okay to cry.” chan cooed at felix’s pitiful and frustrated cries, taking the bag of food off the dinner table and walking it over to the two. chan joined the two sitting on the floor and placed the bag between him and changbin. felix was still huffing and puffing in changbin’s lap. “i’m gonna find him a change of clothes, are you okay for a few seconds?” chan asked, standing up and looking down to assure changbin. “yeah, we should be good, just so cranky and sad.” changbin stated, directing the last part to felix, who’s lip was jutted out in a sad but cute manner. chan left to go to felix’s room and changbin laid felix down on his back, his small fists still covering his eyes. “so so sad, our poor pixie. what’s gotten you so upset?” changbin slowly started to undress the blonde from his set clothes, leaving the little in nothing but his boxers. chan came back with some sweatpants and a hoodie he stole from lee know’s room. chan threw the soft gray sweatpants to changbin (who failed to catch them) and then positioned himself at felix’s head, putting the pink hoodie onto felix’s small frame. chan fished around in his pockets and pulled out a pair of my melody socks and threw them once again in changbin’s direction. 

felix finally removed his fists from his eyes and was now staring up at chan who was watching changbin put on the little’s socks. when chan looked down, felix was quick to hide his face again, giggling every so softly when chan neared closer. “uh oh, binnie… where did our lix go?” chan pulled his head up to look at a now fake worried changbin. with a dramatic gasp, changbin started to search under the dirty clothes,”no clue channie hyung.” felix unshielded his face and the duo cheered and immediately took to kissing and coddling the little. after a few minutes of squeals and raspberry blows, chan picked felix up and took a minute to appreciate felix in his whole entirety. from the constellations of freckles littering his face to the smell of his perfume to the detail of lee know’s hoodie looking oversized. he was so perfect and he was theirs to take care of and to hold.  

there was calm, a healing silence washing over the three before felix remembered something. a fresh set of crystal tears drew from the corner of felix’s eyes. he started crying, startling chan just a bit. “oh princess, what’s wrong now?” 

if felix was going to be in a headspace that would make him nonverbal, this would be a challenge for everyone. changbin moved quickly, standing from his spot on the rug and off to find felix’s baby bag. chan stood up with felix, rubbing his back and humming as he paced the living room. “our poor princess. no need to be so sad, daddy’s got you.” with the amount that felix had been crying, it would make sense that he would tire himself out. hiccups ensued a bit after felix had calmed himself down with the window’s view of the city. “there we go, there we go.” chan whispered, kissing felix’s temple.

changbin walked back into the living room, baby bag in hand as well as a specific plushie. “he’s so worn out.” chan spoke softly, taking the bunny from changbin and proceeding to sit on the couch with felix who was somewhat now asleep but still conscious. the two caregivers sighed, having remembered the moments from the early afternoon. 

“he needs to eat.” changbin spoke, eyes now glued to the small hand that was tightly secured on the brown bunny. “felix, are you hungry?” chan asked, bouncing the blonde softly. felix only whined. he didn’t want to move or eat. he was perfectly comfortable sitting in chan’s hold and inhaling his cologne. “no? well, i think daddie’s are hungry. do you want to sit with daddie’s while we eat?” changbin asked softly. as caregivers it was better to give options rather than just assuming, though assuming is sometimes best. if felix didn’t want to eat, he could play quietly, maybe even get lucky and watch some cartoons but he couldn't sleep, or else he wouldn't sleep later in the night. 

felix gave a curt nod. with the approval of felix, the two sat back up from the couch, changbin bending down to bag the food delivery bag, and walking with chan to the dining table. chan went to grab two plates and a baby plate, walking back to the table and setting them down. the trio was quick to start eating, with minimal conversation and a lot of cooing and praise. felix wasn’t going to eat, telling himself that he wasn’t that hungry but the minute chan offered him a small piece of chicken, he was quick to change his mind. the trio finished minutes later.

chan had placed felix on his lilypad, putting on bluey while the duo cleaned up their mess from the dinner table. 

🐣

felix was softly playing with soft foam and colorful blocks on the floor while chan and changbin sat, changbin on the ground next to felix and chan just inches away from the other caregiver and the little. they were both exchanging glances between the work on their laptops and felix, though the little was in no danger. 

the duo’s heads perked up when hearing the jingle of bells and a key inserting itself into the front door. within seconds, the door opened and the other five caregivers rushed in, sighing, moaning, and groaning. chan set his laptop aside, saved his document, and stood up, adjusting his black sweatshorts. he made eye contact with seungmin who sighed and shook his head. “i think we all should have punched a staff member.” minho mumbled with a sigh, taking off his shoes and getting scolded by jisung. 

“oh my baby, my baby, how i’ve missed you.” hyunjin fake cried, softly rushing towards felix who had still no idea of the commotion. baby brain. “what happened?” chan asked, confused as to why a large portion of the group came barreling in annoyed and an extremely exhausted mess. 

“it was a mess after you three left. we had to sit for an hour while writers and staff rewrote an episode, then when it was ready to shoot one of the main cameraman’s cameras froze up so we had to wait extra long while they fixed it and oh my god it was a bust.” minho whined, falling onto the couch. chan and changbin couldn't help but laugh but nevertheless, rubbed the caregiver’s back.

“you deserve to rest, all of you do. we can order in again, so much food, i’ll take care of you all tonight.” chan smiled, rubbing minho’s back one last time before retreating to his spot on the couch. other members left to go to their rooms (as they should) but minho and hyunjin stayed put. “was he okay?” minho asked, raising his head up and staring at the two caregivers on their laptops. 

“cried mostly but we fed him and got him settled,” changbin responded. “he’s just been cranky and sad but i’m sure he was confused as to why so many of his caregivers were missing.” 

“but that doesn’t matter now, does it. hyunie is here.” hyunjin smiled, placing the little one in his lap and kissing his cheeks. felix ignored hyunjin’s presence, continuing to play with the foam blocks. the caregivers began talking again and felix was feeling devious. with the foam blocks all in a pile, he picked up a green rectangle block and threw it toward the tv. hyunjin was quick to stop in the middle of his conversation with chan. “felix, no throwing, okay? that’s not a very nice way to play with our blocks. they belong on the ground, okay?” felix scrunched his nose, eyeing another block. he maneuvered himself off of hyunjin’s lap, calmly playing with the blocks again. 

jisung, seungmin, and jeongin walked back into the room laughing and that’s when felix struck. throwing a yellow block in jisung’s direction. felix giggled softly, ready to pick up another one but minho was quick to sit up in his spot on the couch and move towards felix before he could throw again. 

“felix. that was unkind. good boys don’t throw their toys.” minho scolded but it was no use, felix was not paying attention to minho’s words and expressions. with a gentle finger, minho tapped felix’s cheek but the little one was ignoring him. “felix, why are you being a bad boy, hm? being unkind to jisungie and now mommy, what’s the matter? why are we acting out?” simple words brought out simple emotions. although felix wasn’t paying attention, minho was now holding his face with his hands with stern eyes. 

felix tried to move his face away but minho’s grip was soft and strong. felix whined, once again trying to pull his face out of the grasp but it was no use, minho was going to win this one. “do we need some quiet time with mommy? do we need to settle down with mommy?” felix’s were glossed over as he stared at minho, the pout that formed earlier coming back. “alright, mommy and felix are going to have some quiet time, i advise everyone else to do the same.” minho smiled, putting his hands under felix’s armpits and hoisting him up. minho looked back at the group, smiling and thanking hyunjin who handed over the soft brown bunny. 

the two exited the living room and the others just watched. “i don’t know how he does it?” jisung asked, amazed as he watched the caregiver and little walk away. “he’s our lee minho.” chan answered fondly. 

“now, i overheard that you were paying for dinner?” seungmin spoke up. immediately, all of the members surrounded chan and started screaming and shouting, placing their orders or suggesting restaurants to buy from. 

this was anything but quiet. 

🐣

Chapter Text

🐣

it hadn’t been five seconds of minho holding felix when another crying fit had hit the little. minho did his best to coo and make soft noises but it was clear the little was so upset, he couldn’t hear his caregiver trying to calm him down. minho knew deep down that something was suppressing in felix so much that he was at the point of destruction. minho walked through his bedroom, softly laying the crying felix on his bed as he went to turn on his mood lighting. 

with a quick shuffle, the room was dimmed with a soft yellow light and felix’s crying calmed down, his fingers being chewed on softly, calming himself down. minho walked back to his bed, now standing over felix with a soft smile. “there’s the sunshine.” there was a soft pause before felix started crying, again. minho furrowed his eyebrows for a moment. was it him? was he the cause of felix’s cries? surely not. he picked up felix, setting him on his hip as he rocked with him back and forth. minho walked over to his full-length mirror, pointing out the polaroids of his kitties to felix, in hopes he’d calm down. 

minho hummed to himself when felix finally calmed down. “there’s my lixie.” felix turned his head from the polaroids to stare doe-eyed at minho. minho continued smiling, softly taking steps back to his bed. the oldest would never attempt to pull felix out of the safety of his headspace but in the back of minho’s mind, it seemed that maybe the headspace was the problem. the caregiver laid felix down, playing with his hair softly before he stopped and bent down further. “can my felix be big for a moment? can you do that? be a good sunshine for hyung?” minho paused for a moment, trying to search for some kind of telltale sign that big felix was returning. the little one closed his eyes then opened them up and stretched with a groan. 

minho smiled, standing straight up and looking at felix. felix rolled over in his hyung’s bed, ready to take a nap to ward off the bad thoughts. “lixie, can we have a heart-to-heart?” minho whispered, bringing his hand to make contact with felix’s hoodie-covered arm. felix whined. the oldest of the two smirked before making himself comfortable on his bed. 

“no whining felix. let’s talk about today, is that okay? you can nod and shake your head if that’s what you prefer but i need you to sit up and face me.” felix was laying, his head near minho’s crossed knee. “come on felix, up please.”

with a huff and a sigh, felix sat up, his shy and tear-marked face now staring at minho for a split moment. minho cleared his throat before gathering felix’s small hands into his own. “are you upset because you think you ruined this skz code episode?” there was a brief silence and minho could immediately tell felix’s answer when he tried to pull his hands away. “felix answer for hyung.” felix bit his inner lip, swallowing the lump in his throat and nodding. “oh bokki.” it was a sad coo.

felix opened his mouth then closed it quickly. “i- i feel like i’ve disappointed everyone again. i couldn’t even act like myself.” felix stated. minho’s thumbs were rubbing small circles onto felix’s hands. “it’s not fair to you bboki, it would’ve been different if they told us everything but it was another surprise to all of us and that’s not fair. you didn’t disappoint anyone, especially when you were overwhelmed. this is all new, hm? it’s normal to feel pressured.” felix shifted around uncomfortably before seeking out his spot in his hyung’s lap. minho let the sunshine sit in his lap, allowing for the younger to also play with the bracelets on his wrists as he thought out his emotions. 

“chan hyung punched a staff member because of me,” felix spoke softly. minho took one glance in the full-length mirror and resisted a coo. felix looked oh so small in his lap, playing with his caregiver’s wrists. he looked away and kissed the temple of felix’s hoodie. “well, he deserved it but it’s not your fault bokki. when baby’s are little, you’re not supposed to scare them, it was disrespectful to you and us as your caregivers. none of us wanted to see you scared, hm?” though the hoodie was blocking felix’s face, minho could sense the pout on felix’s face. 

“no one’s upset with you. you shouldn’t be upset with yourself either, okay? i don’t know what happened when you, chan, and changbin went into the car or what happened when you three came home but let’s not add so much pressure onto ourselves. do you think you need to apologize to them? i know you need to apologize to jisung but what about them?” felix whined, turning in minho’s lap to press his face into his neck. 

the fear of disappointment was looming over felix’s head.

“too much? do you need to be small again?” minho asked but received no comment. “bokki, you can only be small if you understand that you’re not the problem and never were the problem. if you fail to recognize that, i won’t hesitate to make you stay big.”

“promise, i’m just tired.” 

“me too baby, let’s nap together yeah? want to nap with mommy as i play with your hair and sing some songs?” felix whined pressing his face against minho’s neck. “all right my needy baby, let's get you and i settled.” with much grace and chaos, minho managed to push himself back to the top of his bed with felix still perched in his lap. sure he made some humorous struggling noises but he persevered. felix had already been half asleep when minho tucked himself and felix in. the caregiver grabbed his phone just in case, placing it under himself before cradling his baby. minho did as promised, playing softly with felix’s hair as he fell asleep at his side. 

minho texted changbin separately, asking him to bring in felix’s bunny that the caregiver failed to pick up on his way to his room. there was a soft knock at the door, then it opened revealing a smiling changbin and a small bunny in his grasp. “come in, he’s knocked out.” minho softly projected, his fingers still playing with felix’s hair. changbin shuffled in, closing the door softly behind himself. 

“did you two talk? what happened?” changbin asked, passing the bunny towards minho’s outstretched hand. “he blamed himself for everything.” changbin let out a sigh as he sat down at minho’s desk chair. “explains everything really.” minho shifted carefully to quirk an eyebrow at changbin,” what happened after you three left?”

changbin shifted, clearing his throat,” he questioned both chan and me, and chan shut down his questions immediately. when we got in the car he has been so out of it, even pushing the two of us, attempting to do his anxious mannerisms, you know the ones.” minho nodded. rubbing his palms raw then sinking his nails into them.

“chan and i had to push our authority onto him but he was so glossed over, in his world. eventually, he stopped, giving up and turning himself away from my and chan’s line of vision. when the driver dropped us off, felix tried to get out first and beat us up to the apartment but he failed then he threw a tantrum.” changbin informed, his arms now resting on the tops of his knees. “eventful, almost as eventful as when everyone left. he’ll be apologizing sooner or later. it was our compromise before he could sleep.” 

“looking forward to it. we ordered a variety of different foods. should be here soon. i can text you when it gets here.” changbin smiled, standing up and leaving the two alone. 

🐣

when felix woke up, minho was now asleep, his hand placed on the top of his head. he stretched softly and then maneuvered himself out from under minho. with careful movements, he wiggled off the bed and placed his feet on the cold floor. minho moved, causing felix to stop in his walk to the door. 

he was big right now. capable of doing anything.

he eventually made it to the door safely, opening it and then leaving but not before cracking it. he heard a few voices coming from the kitchen and living room, hoping that it wasn’t all six members. he couldn’t deal with all six out of headspace. 

he tiptoed carefully, reaching the wall of the living room and peering out into the open space. chan, changbin, and seungmin sat at the table, playing with their utensils mindlessly. with hesitation, felix stepped out, head down and shy. “well hello felix.” chan smiled, speaking in english. the other two looked from the table and smiled. 

“hi, um minho’s still asleep.” felix replied, walking towards the table and pulling out a chair at the far end of the table. “are you hungry?” seungmin asked, now moving from his spot at the table to walk into the kitchen to grab a plate and bowl for felix. “chan bought an assortment of japanese, american, korean, thai cuisines.” 

felix hesitated, his fingers dancing on the wood of the table. chan and changbin were staring him down while seungmin was plating different foods for felix to eat. when seungmin sat the plate and bowl down in front of felix, minho stumbled into the room. “good morning sweetheart.” seungmin teased earning a glare from the older. “do you want to die?” minho playfully asked back, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a plate from the cabinet. 

“so mean,” chan tsked before laughing,” how’d you two sleep?” chan asked, looking at felix but his intention was for minho to answer. felix was slowly eating from his rice bowl, avoiding eyes from everyone else in the room. “felix always sleeps like a perfect angel baby but i slept well, except for the fact that felix was mouthing at my neck.” minho giggled at the last bit, setting down his plate and joining the rest at the table. 

felix was quick to blush, now shoveling the food into his mouth. “felix you’re gonna choke if you do that, please be careful.” changbin spoke up now, moving seats to get closer to the shy boy. 

“did anything happen after we left for quiet time?” minho asked, taking a bite from his curry rice. “nothing really, some took up your offer on quiet time but others just drifted in and out. nothing really.” the table sat in silence, felix being first to pick up his bowl and plate, walking it over to the sink and washing it silently. he didn’t need to be surveillance when he was big. 

he put the bowl and the plate on the drying rack before dismissing himself from the four and going back to his room to destress. eventually, he walked into his room, shut the door silently, turned on his fairy lights, and reached for his phone. he sighed before navigating to twitter, opening up his fan account, and scrolling. he was now following fearnots, fans of le sserafim to watch his new friend closely. he didn’t think it was weird, he hoped it wasn’t. he continued scrolling down, ignoring threads and pausing when he spotted a screenshot of him on changbin’s lap. 

kittenbboki: he’s so cute when he’s little

         HaPpYhanji: i can’t believe we saw him little !! loved this live !! :,))

he ignored the comments and then proceeded to scroll more until his timeline was only screenshots and video of him from chan’s room. he sighed, closing his phone and setting it on his bedside table. he lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling before rolling over and facing his mound of plushies. with closed eyes, he attempted to sleep again but there was a knock at his door. “come in.” he spoke, back facing the door and eyes still closed. soon, a figure walked in, stalking toward the bed and sitting down. felix felt the dip in his bed and looked back. it was hyunjin. smiling back at him. ready for bed.

“hello little bug.” felix whined at the nickname, turning back and closing himself off into a fetal position. “oh my apologies, my princess.” hyunjin corrected, his hand finding its way onto felix’s side and rubbing softly. felix felt wrong for wanting to interrogate hyunjin. why was he in his room? what did he want? so kept his mouth closed. 

“i was thinking, maybe after you shower, and clean up, you can join me for sleepy time? would you like that?” felix knew what hyunjin was doing, though it could’ve just been biology taking over hyunjin’s brain. felix sat up, hyunjin’s hand falling onto felix’s patterned duvet. “i’ll see.” felix mumbled. hyunjin furrowed his eyebrows. hyunjin could take no for an answer but when he wants something, he pushes. “you’ll see?” felix nodded. felix was feeding him nothing. 

“i want to game, i think. it’s not that late and i want to... i want to just,” felix enclosed his arms around himself. “not feel like this.” he whispered the last part, avoiding eye contact with the older. hyunjin opened his mouth to speak but there was another knock at the door then it opened. it was chan, smiling then letting it fade when noticing felix’s closed-off position. “hey princess, are you okay?” something inside felix was forming. emotions on top of other emotions. it was suffocating him. “yeah, fine.” felix stood up, walking and brushing past chan out of his room. he couldn’t exactly hide in the living room, it would be too easy to find him. he couldn’t even go to minho’s room, too easy so he walked to jeongin’s room. with a careful hand, he went to knock but the door opened and it was jisung. “oh hey lixie, what’s up?”

“are you two busy?” felix asked, peering past jisung to look at jeongin, sitting upright on his bed, phone in hand. “uh, we were gonna watch skidamarink, it’s a horror and you don’t like horror.” felix bubbled his mouth and lightly bowed before walking away. he sighed, humming to himself as he walked to seungmin’s room. with a soft pout, his socked feet padded down to the slightly cracked door, smiling when he approached. though when he peered in, seungmin was asleep. he turned on his heel, walking back down the corridor hall. 

he stopped in the kitchen on his way back, walking up to the fridge and opening it up. the fridge was stocked, always. it was minho’s job. he reached in, grabbed a juice box, and shut the fridge door. behind the fridge door was an awaiting changbin. felix jumped back in surprise,” shit.” changbin raised an eyebrow at the little one, in a stern warning. “sorry.” felix apologized before getting ready to walk off but changbin grabbed him by the wrist and yanked him back softly. felix fell into changbin with an “oof” and was quick to stabilize himself and brush away changbin. “i’m not interested in what you have to offer right now?” 

“who says i was offering? maybe i just wanted to see your face.” felix furrowed his eyebrows together, taking the plastic off the straw and punching it into the juice box. “you’re being weird.” felix walked off, an exaggerated gasp coming from changbin as he walked back to his room. when felix arrived, hyunjin and chan sat on his bed still, waiting for the little one to make a return. felix ignored the two, sipping from his straw and walking over to his closet. maybe it was the dimness of felix’s room or the eerie atmosphere of everyone’s energies being weird but felix hadn’t heard chan stand up and walk over to him so when chan touched his shoulder, the little one jumped and fell onto the clothes in his closet. the juice box was now on the floor, leaking and felix was breathing heavily as he stared at chan with wide, scared eyes. “oh my pixie, i didn’t mean to scare you.” in the back of felix’s mind, the scene of the first failed skzcode played. the haunted maze, the scary characters, and the atmosphere. it was racing and flashing across felix’s mind, as he curled into the closet, staring at the leader of stray kids. “felix?” chan asked in english, bending down softly and outreaching his hand. 

hyunjin had left to grab a rag to clean up the juice mess so it was just chan and felix. “have you been teetering but didn’t want to tell anyone?” chan asked. why was he pushing so many questions? felix whimpered, the flashbacks playing in his mind as he and chan just stared at each other. felix tried to calculate a way out of this situation but he didn’t think he was small enough to squeeze through the spot between the closet wall and chan’s entire being. hyunjin came back with a damp cloth and a dry towel, slightly pushing chan away so he could clean the spot. felix scrunched his nose as he tried to battle away his headspace but the more he stared at hyunjin, the more he wanted to let go. he had been pretty good with fighting off the headspace until he sneezed. “bless you baby.” so nonchalant yet so impactful. hyunjin didn’t notice the slight shift within felix, focused on the now clean spot on the floor and left to drop it into the laundry room’s dirty hamper. 

chan squatted back down in the spot hyunjin was occupying in and stared at felix up and down. “felix… how, are you okay?” felix was focused on chan until he spotted his plushies in the corner of his eye. he hummed, carefully crawling out, bumping into chan’s knee and whining. “oh i’m sorry bub.” chan scooted back, allowing felix on his mission to wherever. hyunjin walked back in, focused on his phone, and sat on the bed. “hyune..” chan started but it was too late, a crawling felix was already trying to lift himself with hyunjin’s leg. hyunjin put his phone down and stared at chan confused. “he’s small?” 

“just now.” with a devious smirk, hyunjin picked up felix. “well then i think it’s sleepy time, hm? babies can’t be awake past ten o’clock.” felix tried to shrug off hyunjin, eyes focused on his plushies.  

“so wiggly.” chan giggled, standing up and walking towards the two. when chan neared, felix shied away, now calm and hiding in hyunjin’s chest. “oh, did daddy scare you?” felix whined, pressing his head further into hyunjin’s chest. question answered. 

with a few short minutes of silence, jisung and jeongin came running down the hall screaming and yelling. hyunjin was quick to cover the little’s ears as the two rushed into the little’s room, grabbing onto chan’s arms and legs. “yes my babies? what can i do for you?”

“sleep with us tonight!”

“channie hyung, ahh please sleep in our room!” 

chan couldn't help but giggle, ruffling both of their heads. “okay, leader bang chan will protect you both. come on let's go.” chan gently pushed jisung first but he was quick to scurry behind chan, gripping the leader’s black tank top. with a sigh, chan waved to the duo before walking out of felix’s room with two scaredy cats trailing behind him. hyunjin lifted his hands from felix’s ears, kissing the top of his head before standing up with felix in his front. 

“all right, let’s go get ready for the night.”

🐣

Chapter Text

🐣

if hyunjin could protect felix all day, he would. he would if he could look at him and brighten his smile all day. he'd drink in his laughs and the way his eyes crinkle ever so slightly when he's smiling. the way his cheeks become fuller when he pouts. 

pressuring and coaxing felix was a hassle. the little one wanted nothing to do with sleep and instead found himself giggling and crawling over hyunjin's body. laughing every single time, he would fall face-first into hyunjin's pillows, and when hyunjin would gasp in fear of felix hurting himself. the apartment was alive, and no one seemed to be kept up in bed. from chan's room, he heard chan scolding both jisung and jeongin to stop scaring each other and lay down. dramatic sighs and loud, freaked-out screams coming soon after. he was sure both changbin and seungmin agreed to walk into chan's room with their entire purpose of annoying. that indication being chan's loud sigh and some binnie giggles being heard from down the corridor. though minho, hyunjin needed to figure out where his other member lurked. 

they would start back with schedules tomorrow, chan and changbin being excluded for a day. there was a soft knock on the door, making the little jump ever so slightly on hyunjin's sweatpant-clad legs. "come in." hyunjin announced, watching the door open and minho walked in, smiling softly at felix's bum high in the air and hyunjin simply laying he scrolled through his phone. "what is our crazy baby doing?" minho asked, softly setting his steaming cup of tea down on hyunjin's dresser and walking forward. felix hadn't heard anything after being startled, zoning out at hyunjin's voice and the sound of the door opening. 

due to felix residing in his spot in danceracha, the three have become closer. so much closer. 

"he decided that he didn't want to sleep, and now he is, playing on me and acting a crazy little fool." 

felix was positioned, his body lying on hyunjin's side and his bum sticking in the air. occasionally he'd wiggle, but he managed to stay in one spot ever since he was brought in. "i heard hanji and innie watched a scary movie, and now chan has to deal with them, but also seungmin and changbin got word, and now he's dealing with all four…."

"what are you trying to get at lee minho?" hyunjin asked, narrowing his eyes and smirking softly. minho smirked back, eyeing felix, then back at hyunjin. "can i have some peace with you two?"

"why of course, maybe you can get this rowdy baby off of me and into bed." hyunjin smiled, poking at felix's exposed side and watching him wiggle. "it would be my pleasure." minho approached felix, wrapping his hands around felix's side and lifting him slightly so hyunjin could lie appropriately on his back. 

felix whined but stilled when he recognized minho's silver bracelet with a small cat charm attached. his fingers making a way to touch it and grab onto the silver pendant. minho brought his nose to felix's neck, smelling him softly and humming. warm vanilla and lavender. that's his lix.

hyunjin was lying on the bed, ready for the other two to join, his face lit up by the brightness of his phone. "did you know, hmm sorry, what is that?" hyunjin started to speak but got distracted the more he scrolled, looking closer at his phone. minho was quick to scoff, turning around with felix in the hold of his left arm, walking a few steps to grab his tea that had now cooled down. he walked back over, setting felix on the bed, watching as the baby just sat, staring at hyunjin, then cuddled onto his stomach. with an oof, hyunjin groaned but giggled to himself and the little one, using his free hand to pet felix's hair. minho was nosey and was looking around hyunjin's room, the artwork, the photographs, sipping at his tea as he heard hyunjin and felix make questionable noises. "anyways, i was going to say, did you know th- felix no, don't bite, good boys don't bite." 

minho was quick to turn around, an eyebrow arched with a mouth full of tea. the caregiver quickly swallowed the lemon tea, set the mug down, and walked toward the bed. "is he teething?" 

"what makes you say that?" hyunjin asked sarcastically, his hands squishing felix's cheeks to keep his teeth away. minho slid his way onto the bed, the blankets ruffling, and sat right next to hyunjin, carefully parting felix's lips with a finger and looking at the inside of his mouth. felix was quick to whine, trying his best to rip his head away from hyunjin and minho's prying hands. 

of course, he was teething. he was a growing boy, was he not?

while felix struggled against the prying hands, the two caregivers were discussing. "i think i bought some teething toys out of impulse." minho spoke, finally letting go of felix's jaw, letting the little close it and whine more until his lips formed into a pout.

"his giraffe is in the bins, i think, baby, why are you crying? oh, little star." hyunjin cooed, watching as the soft tears fell down felix's cheeks as he made grabby hands for hyunjin. "let's go to the living room then, yeah?" minho suggested, rubbing felix's back as he gripped onto hyunjin's white hoodie strings. slowly the two sat up, hyunjin holding felix and minho helping hyunjin stand up with a clingy felix in his arms. 

minho was quick to grab his mug from the dresser and followed the two out of the bedroom. as he walked behind, he noticed felix slowly slip into sleep, his cheeks looking even more mochi-like pressed against hyunjin's shoulder and his lips pouting, the caregiver smiling as he watched hyunjin kiss the crown of his head. they walked out to the corridor, passing by chan's room, where inside the room, chan was being laid on and messed with by the rest of the members. noise erupted and made felix flinch slightly at the noise level. the two were on a mission to get felix, his teething giraffe, and leave back into their cozy and soft room. though that didn't go to plan. from where felix's head lay on hyunjin's shoulder, he spotted a plushie in the middle of the living room floor. 

he looked up from his position on hyunjin, whining for his way down to the floor. minho was already at the bins, grabbing the giraffe, when hyunjin put the little one down onto his lilypad in the living room. "he's so restless." 

"well, we could always send him into chan's room." minho laughed out loud, bringing the giraffe with him and sitting down next to hyunjin on the couch with it. the two caregivers stared at each other, smirking on both faces. the plan was simple. 

🐣

operation: rogue baby felix 

slowly, the three approached chan's room, the door ever so slightly pushed open. 

a squirmy felix at their feet while hyunjin held onto one of felix's newest plushies, a medium-sized light brown puppy, the one that caught his eye earlier, the one that makes crinkle sounds if played with correctly. it had been seungmin's gift, early into felix's process. the little one hadn't had much time to play with it due to schedules or his brain getting the best of him.

 minho bent down next to felix, a soft whine emitting from the little, turning to ask to be picked up again. hyunjin bent down next to felix, kissing the crown of his head before pushing the door open ever so slightly. 

hyunjin was quick to throw in the puppy plushie, giggling when he heard jisung shriek and chan scold him for gripping his forearm so tightly. felix sat, doe-eyed and confused. a pout on his lips. curiosity got to him slowly, and he crawled toward the plushie. he stopped when he noticed that minho and hyunjin weren't following and whined, crawling back. "felix, no, no, go go, go play with daddy." there was shuffling. then the door opened, revealing chan with crossed arms and an amused grin. felix made it back to the duo, pushing his way into hyunjin's lap. 

"oh, lee minho and hwang hyunjin, you two should never be left alone, but i'll gladly take the baby off your hands in exchange for you taking away the four." immediately, minho rolled his eyes, peeking in and looking at the four. jisung was lying on top of an unamused changbin, and seungmin and jeongin were sitting watching the interaction go down. "we'll take changbin and jeongin." 

"ah ah, all or nothing lee minho." the two caregivers looked at each other, down at felix, then over to jisung and seungmin. admitting defeat, minho opened his arms, and the four ran towards the second oldest, bouncing and filing their way out of the leader's room. hyunjin stood up, handing the little one to chan and smiling softly. "YAH! everyone come to kiss the baby goodnight." the caregivers turned around, crowding chan and felix, pecking kisses onto felix's face, his cheek, his nose, and his forehead. "all right, everyone begone, it's time to sleep." at the phase, felix whined, earning a soft tut by chan. felix was quick to furrow his eyes, complaining when chan was bringing him towards the bed. "hey hey hey, none of that." chan picked up the puppy plush from the floor, softly tossing it onto his bed and walking out of his room with felix on his hip and down to the bathroom where it seemed to be a hotspot with everyone brushing their teeth and washing their faces, even where changbin was beginning to take a shower unbothered. with countertops crowded and the mirrors being steamed, chan found a spot secured next to jeongin.

"alright, little koala, let's sit you here." chan mumbled softly, sitting felix on the countertop, facing him, and grabbing his own and felix's bathroom supplies. he made quick hands, prepping his and felix's toothbrush and toothpaste, "felix, can you say cheese, hm? show daddy your teeth." 

felix was hesitant to show his teeth but eventually showed them. quick to throw a tantrum when chan started to brush his teeth. he wiggled and squirmed, crying soft glitter tears. "hey, hey, felix stop squirming. you'll hurt yourself." jeongin had finished his night routine, looking over at the two, and was quick to assist chan, holding felix's head and then holding onto the little one on his hip, waiting for chan to finish with his routine. one by one, the members of stray kids left the bathroom and headed to their rooms. chan and felix were the only two left behind, besides changbin, who was stuck in the shower. "goodnight, binnie, rest well. felix says goodnight." felix pouted, sticking his head into chan's neck. chan laughed before exiting and walking down the corridor back down to his room with felix holding onto his front. when he entered, he shut off the overhead lights and put on his triangle lights. the different colors setting the room to a purple tone. 

chan set felix down on the bed, observing him before he removed his black cut-up tank top. felix had been too enthralled with the lights, crawling towards them to try and touch them. chan chuckled softly, pulling at the little's ankles to bring him closer so he could remove the little's day clothes. he had a hoodie thrown over his desk chair, which he grabbed quickly and put onto the little. black, of course . though felix did try and fight chan for trying to clothe him. when felix's head popped out of the hoodie's hood, chan was quick to kiss his nose, earning a squeal. "all right baby, let's lay down and sleep. it's far past your bedtime." somehow, chan had got felix to settle and smiled when felix allowed him to play with the ends of his hair and brush over his cheeks. the caregiver smiled softly, watching felix fight the sleep in his eyes. "go on, be a good boy and sleep. it's okay to be sleepy." chan mumbled. chan was humming random tunes when felix finally let sleep overtake him, moving closer to chan and making soft noises. chan was quick to grab his phone off his nightstand and open the camera app, positioning the camera just right so it would show his entire face and only half of felix's already-covered face. after taking a few, he picked his favorite. he went to the bubble community, making a new post and adding in the recent posts. 

🐺: baby duty teehee !!

attached two photos.

almost immediately, the comments and likes came rolling in. still, he shut off his phone, instead listening to felix's soft breathing. he could look at felix all night. all day. every waking second. he could, and he was until there was a knock on his door. he furrowed his eyebrows together, looking at the time, yet, the time never mattered. they all were awake until ungodly hours. 12:30 am. changbin walked in slowly, smiling at chan. "mind if i sleep with you two?" 

"are you okay, bin?" changbin nodded. still, chan didn't seem to be sure. "what's wrong?" chan was now sitting up, careful not to wake or stir felix from his sleep. his back hit his pillow, and he patted the small spot of the bed by felix. changbin closed the door, walked over carefully, and slid in next to felix. rarely changbin needed guidance, evident in his morals and teachings. he would always guide others as well as himself, but tonight, it was different. "i guess, i'm just, i feel as though i'm pushing too much with him." chan thought for a moment, staring off at his wall before his eyes stared at changbin. "today, felix needed that push. today was a bad and awful day for all of us, but for felix, it was a hundred times harder. you established your role and pushed it. if he wanted to take you out of that role, you will, and you would've. i think you're being harsh on yourself. it's our job and biology to be caregivers and guide felix. we feel indifferent to it because it's finally our time to showcase that. you know what i'm saying?" chan asked, his hand subconsciously finding its way into felix's hair. 

"i do, yeah, thank you, i just feel so ah." changbin exaggerated, clenching the air and sighing. chan could only smile, his eyes disappearing and his smile taking over," i do understand, i do. it's best to sleep. lets all sleep. come cuddle with felix and me." changbin took up the offer, spooning felix from his backside and chan slid down from his upright position and spooned felix from the front. with a click of a button, the purple hue of the room turned to pitch black.

"goodnight, my babies." 

Chapter Text

🐣

felix was woken up by both chan and changbin. 

he woke up, blurry-eyed and dry, heaving with his nails digging into changbin's chest. "hey, there he is." chan smiled, eyes crinkled and bedhead a mess. 

it had been around 3:23am when felix started having his panic-induced nightmare. luckily for him, chan was still awake, going in and out of sleep while changbin and felix slept together. it started when chan heard soft whimpering noises and then quiet sniffles from felix. it took changbin a few minutes before he was woken up slightly due to felix's nails digging into his chest. the youngest was mumbling words and twitching, and that's when chan decided, coming to an executive decision, to wake him out of his sleep. with a few more soft and pained noises made, felix woke up, heart racing and softly removing his nails from changbin apologizing and shyly looking away from the two. 

  chan turned on one of his triangle lights, dimming it so it wouldn't be too harsh for the three, and looked down at felix. "i'm trying, i'm trying, i'm sorry." felix mumbled over and over. nails digging into his palms, but changbin quickly dismissed the action. "we know you're trying, yeah? let's try and breathe, let's breathe, and then we can get back to sleep." 

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry." felix was rubbing his eyes, breathing roughly and shaking slightly in changbin's gentle hold. "did you have a nightmare? do you want to talk about it?" changbin asked, a thumb rubbing over felix's skin. felix shook his head. maybe some other time, but right now, he needed gentle praising and coaxing, but would he dare to ask for it? 

"is there anything you want from us?"

oh, this wasn't fair. this wasn't fair. how come chan and changbin were so lovely? he's weird. he's different. why do they put up with him? his constant crying. his constant stress. 

"no, i'm fine." he smiled half-heartedly, laying back down, ignoring the gazes of chan and changbin. felix stared up at the two, confused as to why they weren't laying down with him. 

"felix, what do you want? you have to voice out loud." felix sighed, rolling his eyes and rolling himself over so he was face first in chan's pillow. "hey! who taught you to be this bratty." chan asked, poking felix's butt with his finger and laughing at felix's reaction. 

there was another agonized groan from felix. "laydowncuddle." he mumbled into the pillow, eyes clenched shut. "sorry? what was that?" changbin asked, rolling felix over and smirking down over him. "cuddle?" felix asked, cheeks flushed and eyes still pressed close. "s'cute, of course we'll cuddle with you." changbin was quick to lay back down, wrapping his arm around felix's waist and chan took a minute, staring down at the two before joining them again. with the dim of the triangle light now gone, chan, changbin and felix all snuggled together. felix thought he felt secure but something in the back of his mind was picking at him, teasing him but he was quick to push it away and close his eyes, inhaling the mix of colognes. 

it had been a few good minutes before the sound of snores took over felix's thoughts. he couldn't help but giggle softly before feeling claustrophobic in the touches of chan and changbin. the blonde bubbled his mouth, sighing softly before trying to plan an escape out of the claustrophobic hold of the two. with softness, he quickly removed the arms that wrapped around his waist and chest, scooting down to the edge of the bed before softly leaving the door cracked.  

when he made it outside the leader's room, he padded down the dark corridor with light footsteps so he wouldn't bother anyone sleeping. eventually, he made it to his room, pushing the door open, waddling straight to his bed, and falling on top of it. he got comfortable almost immediately and tucked himself in before he could sleep again.

🐣

when felix woke up, he was alarmed by the noise coming from across the hall. he furrowed his eyebrows and quickly sat in his bed, pushing the comforter off his legs before standing and walking over to his door. he opened the door slightly, peeking before opening it fully to minho banging on jisung's door. "you have five minutes before i come in there and swat that bum of yours! let's go han jisung." he heard the huff of the caregiver before he turned around, and the two made eye contact. "good morning, my baby tart." minho smiled, his eyes crinkled in a way that showed mischief. 

"have i missed something? what's going on?" felix asked, trying to peer past minho and down the corridor to look at the other awaiting members, bags on their shoulders and bags. "we have a new practice but don't you worry, little tart, you can stay here with chan and changbin hyung, you don't have to go into the building with us yet." felix could've gleamed and been happy to be saved from dance practices but for once he was bummed. he nodded slightly, a pout on his face obvious. "maybe if you're still big later, chan and changbin can you bring you in? you can come in on your own. just talk with them before you go- YAH HAN JISUNG." minho barged into the twin's room, coming back out his finger pinching han's ear. 

"love you pixie, go sleep some more, relax today. we'll come back home soon." minho smiled before pushing han down the corridor, soft scolds as they regrouped. he watched the five members leave the door as he stood, pout still evident on his face. 

he kicked the air beneath him, deciding what to do next, now that he was up he could do a multitude of things, make breakfast, buy breakfast, play games, watch television or tiktok, do challenges for TikTok, so much was on his mind. he got startled when he heard the loud laughs of chan and changbin, moving their way into the kitchen. he peeked softly before walking his way into the kitchen. "oh, there he is, our little escapee." chan smiled, putting his mug into the sink. 

"sorry, i- just felt overwhelmed suddenly, i didn't mean to hurt feelings if i did." he heard soft coos, and suddenly his face and cheeks were squished my changbin. "how did we get so lucky?" felix whined.

"binnie let go, felix we were planning on going to a cafe, the one by the building, to work if you wanted to come with us. we can pack for little you if that makes you feel better." chan smiled. felix took a moment to overlook the oldest's face, barefaced and soft. his eyes also crinkled when he smiled, but only when he was delighted. felix didn't realize he was nodding, lost in the haven of chan's crinkled eyes and his doopy smile. "actually, can we," he hesitated in wanting to ask. "can we go do something fun? then we can end at the cafe and wait for the others, please." the two caregivers in black stared at each other, a silent conversation happening and maybe even so off-putting eyebrow wiggles from changbin to chan. chan pushed changbin, then looked back at felix," we can do that, princess. say we leave in an hour. is that okay?" felix smiled wide, nodding his head before gathering the two in a hug and then leaving to go to his room. 

the caregivers smiled at themselves and the interaction between them and their little one before deciding to do the same tasks, possibly shower, change, pack a baby bag and work bag.

felix was currently staring down his closet, he wanted to dress himself and maybe his little self, just in case something happened. he settled on a white shirt with a silly design than some black joggers, paired with his second favorite black and white jacket. he quickly found some clean boxers and socks before running to the bathroom with his clothes for the day. he turned on the shower, tilting the lever to warm it before undressing himself as it began to warm up. he hummed, eyes making contact with one of his little bath toys, an otter in a blue and white striped floaty. he couldn't help but giggle, remembering the countless times jeongin or minho would tell his little self not to put it in his mouth. 

"baby otters can't go in baby's mouths." minho would scold, pulling the poor otter toy away and out of felix's tiny hand.  

there was a tiny hint of fondness on his face before he entered the shower, allowing the warm water pellets to hit his back and front. there was not much thought in the shower, well maybe a few thoughts like his therapy would be starting soon and being scared about it, how sometimes when hyunjin paints he doesn't ventilate his room and gets yelled at by chan, minho, and even changbin, and how he remembers the time he and seungmin went live and made terrible smoothies. the aussie felt content and happy. after successfully zoning out and subconsciously washing his hair and body, he stepped out, grabbed the yellow towel from the second rack, and wrapped his body in it, feeling the fluffy texture. 

quickly, he got changed after taking care of his skincare and hair. he hung up the towel before walking out, the shower's steam contradicting the coldness of the rest of the apartment. in the distance, he heard kendrick lamar's the heart part 5  playing from what he presumed to be changbin's room. he didn't want to be on this side of the apartment by himself, so he waddled and slid towards chan's room. 

he went to knock but the door opened, revealing chan, all in black and smiling. "hello, little one. what can i do for you?" felix whined. he was big. he swore. "i didn't want to be alone." 

"alone no more. let's go to the living room and wait for binnie to finish up." felix nodded, waddling his way back into the living room and immediately sitting on his lilypad out of instinct. "are you feeling small?" chan asked, curious as he trekked out with his work backpack and the little pack. felix stared up at chan, confused as he shook his head.

"you're not lying, are you?" chan tsked, sitting down at the edge of the couch, elbows placed on his knees as he stared down at felix. felix furrowed his eyebrows. maybe he was teetering, he felt a lump form in his throat at the accusation of lying. he swallowed it down, his hands fisting his jacket. "felix." 

"no, no, i- teetering." felix finally blurted out, a pout forming on his face as he stared at chan. "if you slip, do you think you'll be a small baby or a small toddler?" asking this question would change the plans, change the bags packed.  felix whined, turning himself around on the lilypad. he didn't want to continue this conversation. he heard a sigh and the springs of the couch creak. "felix, i asked you a question, and i wouldn't want to put you in timeout before we start the day." suddenly, he has spun around on his lilypad so that he was facing chan but the little was stubborn, so he looked away and once again tried to look anywhere but chan's face. 

"yongbok." 

"no!"

"oh?"

the little tried to stand up and make a run for it, away from their caregiver, but chan had caught the little before taking off. toddler felix. a little more mischievous and menacing but still sweet and attentive when asked. felix squirmed in chan's hold, unhappy that he was being lifted off the ground, and walked towards the corner by the window. timeout.  chan sat felix down on his stool, bending down so he could look at felix, but the little was having none of it, looking away and huffing when chan touched his knee. the caregiver cocked his head to the side," felix, you're sitting here because you didn't answer daddy. you'll be here for four minutes. when i come back you need to apologize." felix growled softly, huffing as chan walked away. 

the music in the background stopped, and changbin stepped out of his bedroom, closing the door and coming out of the small corridor. "alright, i'm ready if y- why is felix in the corner?" he paused, looking at chan who was watching the stubborn little. "he was teetering then became a bit naughty and wouldn't answer my question." 

felix noticed changbin, immediately standing up from the yellow and blue stool and running to changbin, arms open. chan stopped the little from reaching changbin, he knew the game he was playing, and changbin would not be involved. "naughty naughty felix, you know i won't hesitate to swat that bum of yours." back to the stool they went, chan sitting felix down and walking away but the little wanted to play a game of cat and mouse, standing up again after chan turned his back and going into hiding near workout machines. chan noticed the little missing when he turned around and heard the apparent snickering from behind a bench press machine. he walked over, picking up the squirming felix, giving him a quick warning swat over his joggers before sitting him back down and restarting the timer. "get up again, and you'll get spanks, and we won't go out today." 

the caregiver stood up again, walking towards changbin and shaking his head. "can't wait to tell minho about this." for the rest of the time, felix sat, mopping and huffing, especially when chan came over to hear an apology. "daddy's not mad at you, but you need to listen when any one of us speaks, whether it be your daddies, mommies, hyungies because it's important. we want to keep you safe. now can you apologize, have you thought about what you wanted to say to me?" felix shook his head, shy.

"do you want to think more about it?" felix nodded his head, arms open to be invited into chan's embrace. "okay bubs, tonight you'll apologize to both daddy and hanji, hm?"  oh. felix had forgotten about han. chan picked up the little, kissing the one small tear that dared to slide down felix's face. they regrouped with changbin, and the three got ready to leave, chan carrying felix with his backpack and the little's backpack, and changbin had his small bag, offering to take felix from chan after he put on his nikes so chan didn't have to struggle to put on his combat boots. they put felix's shoes on and out they went. after the incident, felix didn't seem phased, eyes doe and curious. asking many simple but curious questions. 

when they stepped on the elevator, felix wiggled his way out of chan's grasp, walking over to the buttons and pressing at least four different buttons before changbin caught his hands in his grasp. so down and up, then up and down the three went, watching the doors open to no one each time. finally, they made it down to the lobby and felix bolted out, giggling. a menacing boy.

with a tap on felix's hand and en empty threat hung over felix's head, the three continued their adventures. "where to?" changbin asked, the sun reaching his eyes, blinding him accidentally. "daddy, daddy, pokèmon!" 

"okay baby, we can go to the pokèmon exhibition." 

recently, felix big or small had a big hyper fixation on pokèmon, playing the games, and watching the show, he just loved pokèmon, and luckily so did the rest of his caregivers and friends. they had been walking for a while, the exhibition a bit away from their apartment, when felix looked up from the ground and at the two hands he was holding. swinging his hand with chan's first, then with changbin's next, he made a curious face at the hands before connecting them together and giggling as he watched from behind. "daddies holdin' hands." the duo stopped, changbin smiling and chan giving a stern look. "felix, i told you not to let go." changbin's face dropped. oh yeah, i guess he did say that. 

felix pouted, waddling forward, only grabbing and cuddling onto changbin's arm. the caregiver looked up at the other, who just shook his head and continued walking. "naughty." chan mumbled under his breath before walking with the duo. the weather outside was nice, pretty, and warm. many other citizens had taken this opportunity to walk around the city. some holding hands, others just laughing and walking side by side. it was another ten minutes before the trio entered the pokèmon exhibition building. felix was jumping up and down at the many pokèmons on display, on the wall, the floor. they were littered everywhere.

after buying tickets, the caregivers took felix over to the arcade area, buying coins and attempting to play to win for felix. chan and changbin would secretly capture pictures of the little one roaming around, careful of the other visitors but excited and tame. felix pressed his face against the glass of the crane game, watching changbin attempt to win him a piplup. slowly, a blue plush was lifted and fell into the drop hole. changbin retrieved it, giving it to felix, who was bouncing up and down. "piplup-ssi." felix giggled with a soft lisp, slowly over time, the trio were running out of things, so they left, much to felix's dismay.

"cafe?" chan asked, staring at changbin, who nodded. thankfully, felix didn't throw a tantrum, instead waving to the exhibition goodbye for a long time. they'd most likely eat lunch at the cafe, the three of them skipping breakfast. oops.  the restaurant was near the  jype  building, where many trainees, idols and familiar people went to grab a quick coffee. it was little friendly and even had a small area where little's could play to their little heart's content. though when felix entered the cafe, he'd mask himself and steer away from the little corner. 

the bell chimed, and the three walked in, the owner greeting the three and nodding to chan. the cafe had an excellent clean white, black, and brown with pops of color for the littles, so it wasn't so dull for those who visit with their caregivers.

"alright, let's find a table." felix ran to a booth by the window overlooking the jype  building. he had thrown piplup on the table carelessly and looked out the window. "yongbok." it was changbin this time, sliding into the booth next to felix and tapping felix's shoulder. he turned around, a pout already on his face, doe eyes lost as he looked changbin. "i know you're excited, but you need to be careful, you could've run into customers." felix nodded, sliding down onto the bench of the booth.

the owner walked over, cups on a tray. "three americanos. do you three need anything else?" chan smiled, taking felix's iced americano for himself or another member if they finished early. "actually yeah, mind if we talk somewhere else?" soon the two walked away, up by the counter. felix noticed chan pointing to the menu and then to felix. "am in trouble?" felix pouted, tugging on changbin's sleeve who was staring down at felix, watching the little try and decipher the conversation. "no baby, because you're so small, daddy has to give the owner super secret special directions for you." 

felix nodded in approval, attempting to grab changbin's iced americano but immediately it was taken away. "this is daddy's drink, you'll get one soon, okay?" 

"want that." felix pointed to the iced americano. "no pixie, just wait a little longer and daddy will come back with some juice for you, you like juice, hm?" felix crawled into changbin's lap, staring at chan still. chan walked back over, a smaller glass cup filled with a pink liquid in his hand. "daddy missed you!"

"I haven't been gone that long, my silly pixie." chan made quick hands, opening the little's sunshine backpack and taking out the pororo sippy cup. he transferred liquids before screwing the top back on and handing it to felix. "daddy why pinky color?" felix asked, before lifting the sippy cup up to his lips and drinking it anyways. 

"it's lychee juice." felix nodded, not caring for the answer, instead leaning against changbin's front and sucking the juice down. eventually, the producing duo got to work, pulling out their laptops and getting to work. the owner brought food over, and the three dug in, caregivers helping felix eat and eventually helping him clean up too. 

after about an hour of work, the caregivers noticed felix slowing down with his coloring and slowly watching his face sink closer and closer to the table. "alright, home time." the caregivers cleaned up, tipping generously, and picked up felix and left the cafe. yet, instead of going home, they walked over to the building, showing their ids and walking in with felix. chan held the two iced americano, and changbin held felix and his almost empty iced americano. with a flight of stairs and four more stories up on an elevator, the trio made it to the floor, hearing the music of their newest album and walking into the dance practice. 

they were either spread on the ground or messing around when they walked in. changbin set felix down, watching him run over to everyone else. minho excluded himself from the pile of kisses, strange noises, and biting to walk to the duo. chan handed over the iced americano receiving a thank you and lips immediately attached to the black straw. "you texted he was stubborn this morning?" minho asked, recalling the texts he was sent this morning while he was leading a stretch.

"he was caught teetering in between headspaces, then he slipped when i kept asking him questions. during a timeout he decided to make it into a game. i swatted his bum, his hand once and he still owes hanji and myself an apology." minho sighed, turning to look at the little now attempting to bite seungmin's wrist. luckily seungmin was quick to scold.

"do you think we need to heighten the punishments?" minho asked, turning back to the duo. "he needs to know he has to listen so whatever he does next i think we need to swat his bum, lightly." changbin interjected. the three made a silent agreement. 

"alright, everyone pack up and let's go home." 

🐣

there was a groan when all seven members walked through the front door of their home and a small giggle from felix. one by one the members took off their shoes and scattered. after minho helped take off felix's shoes, the little also tried to disperse but was caught by his wrist. felix turned, eyes furrowing at the action. "i think you have some apologies to take care of before you start playing." 

"off off." felix whined, trying to take minho's hand off his grip. "felix, mommy is telling you something, and you need to listen." felix flung himself to the floor, crying and whining. "oh? this is new." minho smirked, catching chan's  told you  glance. the little tried to call out for the other members, earning soft and low chuckles. this was now a conflict between minho and felix. the caregiver bent down, catching felix's face between his fingers. "either you be a good boy, stand up and walk to the timeout stool by yourself or mommy's gonna take you over his knee, hm?" 

felix ripped his face away from minho's fingers, standing up and walking towards jeongin, pouting and raising his arms. "are you asking to be picked up because it's too far, or are you trying to get out of the punishment?" jeongin asked, not gullible to felix's sly motives.

“too fars.” felix lisped. jeongin walked felix over to the stool, sitting him down before walking away. the caregivers got back to work, except for minho who was watching felix ever so slightly. every sly movement felix attempted to make, minho was there to tsk. for the four minutes, he sat, huffing and puffing his chest out. minho couldn't coo at this moment, but felix sure was cute when trying to look intimidating. in the last minute, felix bubbled his mouth when minho approached, proud of felix for sitting for the five minutes felix set for him. "can you tell mommy what you did wrong?" minho asked, eyes studying felix's facial features. the caregiver was still in clothes from the dance practice, nothing but an oversized black shirt and black joggers. "didn't listen." felix pouted, kicking his feet in front of minho, anxious nerves taking over the little. "who didn't you listen too?" minho pressed, his hands coming down to settle felix's restless legs. "you anded daddies." the little now looked up but immediately looked down when he noticed minho was staring at him.

"can you put those sentences together for me, hm?" minho knew he was pressing to hard when felix made a soft inhumane noise. "lixie didn't listen to mommy and daddies." 

"there's my good boy, now let's go apologize to daddy and hanji then we can play." felix must've been in his head because when he looked up, hyunjin and jeongin were on the couch eavesdropping but playing it off as if they were watching the news on the tv and finding it interesting. minho helped felix up, who immediately clung to minho's arm and walked to chan's room. if chan was in his room, then meant at least one other member of 3racha resided there as well. 

after a few steps, the two were at the door of their leader. minho knocked, waiting a minute before chan opened up, and sure enough, han was inside at chan's desk looking over something on chan's laptop. "perfect, just the two we need to see. felix would like to say something to both of you." oh? he was gonna do it like this? just unplanned and with both of them in the room.  the little stuttered on his feet, suddenly his pompompurin socks were really interesting. he hummed, his hold on minho becoming tighter. 

"lixie is sorry." the little mumbled, making no eye contact with either caregiver. chan tried not to coo at felix wrapped around minho's arm and was nervous but he caught minho's eye. "felix, what are you sorry for? daddy forgot." 

"didn't listen and didn't hold hands when outside and that is very bad." lixie looked up and chan was staring down at him, arms crossed and head cocked. he could tell deep down he was proud but had to put on a façade. han was still sat in chan's chair, watching the interaction. "and for hanji, why are you sorry pixie?" minho helped assist, making eye contact with han who was already trying hard not to coo.

"lixie sorry he throwed his toys at hyungie, das bad."

"oh my little sunshine, it's okay. your hyungie forgives you." han gleamed, and suddenly felix felt proud and good. minho must've waved goodbye because the two soon left, closing the door. they walked back into the living room, where both hyunjin and jeongin turned their heads quickly. felix let go of minho's arm to walk back to the stool to sit. "no baby, you don't need to do that, you're all forgiven."

immediately, felix bolted up, running around the couch to dive head-first into hyunjin's lap. there was a sound of pain followed by a fit of giggles. "mommy, lixie sorry." felix apologized through the tickles. oh no.

"oh my baby, you've done no wrong." hyunjin stopped tickling to stare at felix and then at the other caregivers. felix crawled off hyunjin's lap the best he could, then dove into jeongin's lap. "hyungie, lixie sorry." 

meaningless would now be felix's favorite thing to play. 

"felix, you didn't do anything wrong, but can innie tell you something important?" jeongin asked, eyes wide and excited. felix gave in, nodding and leaning in closer. "no more saying sorry, okay?" this would be a hard lesson to teach.

"no more?" felix asked, staring at jeongin in his rimmed glasses. "only say sorry when we give you permission, but that means you have to listen to us. only daddies, mommies, and hyungies have that special power." felix nodded in awe and understanding. felix then yawned, getting comfortable on jeongin's lap.

minho left to shower when seeing the three settle on the couch together, hyunjin picked up the remote and switched it to some silly cartoons that entranced the little before he was nodding off. jeongin played with felix's hair as he watched the cartoons as well. felix began crying softly, gripping at his fists.

"his bunny, hyung get his bunny and his blanket and maybe make a bottle." jeongin spoke in a hushed tone, pecking felix's face softly. hyunjin found the little's bag changbin dropped on the countertop, throwing carrot and piplup just in case. next came a flying blanket, and lastly, hyunjin began prepping a sippycup, warm vanilla milk.jeongin covered him and felix in his blanket, holding out carrot and piplup for the little to choose, ultimately, and by his loyalty, he chose carrot, holding her ear and settling his head under jeongin's chin. over some time, felix settled. hyunjin came back over to the couch, holding the sippy cup for felix to take, which he did, sipping it so hard little milk droplets began pooling on his chin. "messy baby." hyunjin sighed, standing back up and finding face wipes in the bins in the entryway. 

by the time the caregiver returned, both felix and jeongin were asleep, jeongin's glasses slowly falling off and felix making soft noises. hyunjin cleaned up felix's chin before taking off jeongin's glasses, but only after taking a picture of the two and sending it in the group chat.

to: sunshine protectors ☀️🐥

from: 🥟

our sleepy babies

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Chapter Text

🐣

life for felix had returned to normal. he had been big for a few days, allowing himself to get back into a routine of dance practices and idol life. some of his members had begun getting their hair dyed or even haircut, including himself, resulting in some teasing and pestering from stays online. he had returned to a honey blonde, happy and content with the color. he had told his stylists to trim just a bit of his long hair but not entirely cut it short. he loved when lee know or even seungmin would put his hair in pigtails and add cutesy ribbons, he wasn’t ready to let that go.

the blonde aussie was currently in one of the dance practice rooms, finishing up some choreography he had seemed to be forgetting. honestly, he was wasting time before he had to video call with his therapist. the little had started therapy a few weeks prior, anxious and afraid but his therapist, a kind woman with a soft smile and big heart had eased him into it slowly. the schedule of his sessions was always indifferent because of the idol’s hectic and chaotic schedule but they made do. if unable to video call, felix could text her, hye suni, and talk to her. the other members were spread throughout the building, some locked in their producing studios, others curating video ideas with the stray kids staffing team, and others simply just wandering and talking with stays. with heavy breathing, felix sank to the floor, staring at himself in the mirror, he was sweating profusely but that’s what happens when one dances five songs in a row with no stopping. the blonde was now laying on the cold hardwood floor of the practice studio, maintaining and counting his breathing, before rolling over and grabbing his water bottle littered with stickers and his laptop. he hummed, opening the computer and quickly typing in his password, pulling up the video calling application and waiting for hye suni to video call him. felix had zoned out, staring at himself in the laptop’s camera when a bright blue box was ringing in his face. with quick hands he accepted the call, waiting for the call to connect.

over the few weeks felix and hye suni had covered a range of topics, of course starting slow but first came introductions then slowly piling into felix’s story of why he suppressed. it had been scary but slowly, felix was enjoying his talks with a professional, he had told himself that therapy was complex but perhaps he had lied to himself. 

when the call connected, hye suni sat in her white office with a wide smile, waving politely at the camera,” hello little chick.” she laughed, looking at felix’s flushed self. oh yeah, that. for therapy not to feel so scary, hye suni brought up the idea of masking it with a friendly approach, informalities were allowed but felix refused, wanting to keep it respectable and still professional through nicknames came to be. hye suni had yet to see the little drop but she’d press him one day that wasn’t on this thursday afternoon. “hello red panda suni.” felix laughed, playing with the carry loop on his water bottle. 

“you seem to be doing lovely, are you felix?” felix nodded, “yeah, minho hyung said he’d make dinner for all of us tonight for our hard work and i just did some choreography and i feel good.” 

hye suni had yet to meet the rest of the members through call, simply wanting to keep it one of one but she knew of them because of their popularity. felix had been kind enough to give better descriptions for hye suni to follow along. 

“have you talked to your little friends recently?” hye suni pressed, curiosity spread on her face. felix furrowed his eyebrows. come to think about it, he hasn’t. “no ma’am but i think i want to reach out again, do you think that would be weird? what if they don’t actually like when i’m big?” 

“nonsense felix. i’m sure they’d love it if you reached out and asked them to do something big and fun. you should text them after this call, okay? can that be your goal this week, do you think it’s achievable?” hye suni asked. felix nodded, hand already on his phone. the two continued to talk, nothing significant happened this week for felix to unpack so the session seemed pointless. though when wrapping up, hye suni pressed into felix, “let’s see let’s book for hmm, say two weeks but in person, bring your caregivers so i can talk to them about you and their dynamic with you. would that be okay?”

“uh.” 

“here, i’ll book it, and then after we end this call, give me your leader’s email, and him and i can discuss what’s best, okay?” felix nodded, feeling more comfortable with that idea. “good, alright, always a pleasure talking to you felix, let’s talk soon, goodbye now.” with a wave and a goodbye from felix, the call ended and felix closed his laptop. he sat for a moment before collecting his things from the floor and bringing them over to the pack them away in his one backpack. he brought up his phone, hesitating to text both beomgyu and yunjin so he dismissed the idea, for now. after packing up, he walked over to the door, pushed it open, and was now on a hunt to find one of his members. during the video call with hye sun he saw that some members had gone home already. there had been a rule that felix would have to walk with one of his members but he was unsure if he would stay longer and who was ready to go home and relax. 

to: 8ISFATE.SKZ

from: lixie

is anyone else in the building and ready to go home ?? i just got out of therapy and i wanna go homeeee but i will be okay to wait for a bit 

from: flour boy

minnie and i just left about three minutes, would you want us to stay?? we’re at the crosslight

from: puppy  

^^

from: lixie

i’ll hurry, i’m walking out of the building now

from: little mom minho 

you better not hurry, felix i can’t bandage you up anymore, walk carefully please, they’ll still be there when you arrive 

felix softly giggled, pushing the glass door open and stepping out into the warm spring air. he was hopping down the stairs, noticing hyunjin and seungmin standing farther away by the road’s crosswalk. after a few steps, he met up with hyunjin and seungmin, giggling as he cuddled into them, allowing them to place him in the middle of their walk formation. they didn’t talk much, soaking in each other’s company. occasionally, one of the world recalls a memory or ask what they did but for the most part, it was nice and quiet. the walk was easy except while they were crossing to another sidewalk, seungmin noticed a particular being with a camera with a huge lens, watching their every move. he didn’t tell felix but softly hit hyunjin’s back with his hand, gaining his attention and softly pointing to the girl with the massive camera. when any idol came out of classified little, news outlets would spill all information on the news. they were idols, pretty dolls for citizens to play with and manipulate, always under surveillance and never seen as actual people. because many people speculated felix was a little, the news got bigger, and crazed caregiver fans fell in love with the parasocial relationship harder as well as any average caregiver person in the country of korea. it was one thing to be an idol but another thing to add on being a little, which instantly made the idol feel a little more petite and tiny, more doll-like and loveable. there were good people in the world and they’re were terrible people in the world. what would happen next would demonstrate the bad.

as hyunjin and seungmin helped felix cross the road, they were bombarded with many fans but also crazed caregivers who had yet to get their littles, due to personal issues. many people in the crowd tried to organize the swarmed meet-up to be calm and respectful but others took it upon themselves to grab, pull and touch the three idols. hyunjin and seungmin tried to push a way for them to escape but suddenly the crowd was growing. felix was dazed, hearing words from hyunjin, coaxing him that he’d be okay but it all felt like he was going in slow motion. he began walking again alongside seungmin but someone yanked his backpack back causing him to fall back onto his bum. he tried to gain his position back up. still, he was pulled down again. he turned around and a fangirl was smiling with a hand attached to his backpack. “let’s go home together.” a cold shudder went through felix’s body. a visceral reaction of being scared. another hand reached down to grab his backpack but he remembered this hand, with the matching rings and chain bracelets, it was his hyunjin. “don’t ever talk to my little ever again, you hear me?” the girl’s hand fell, in shock of the protective caregiver, her face paled. 

seungmin helped felix stand up, kissing his head before walking away from the crowd, now understanding that the three idols needed personal space. hyunjin caught up a few minutes later, ruffling both felix and seungmin’s hair. the two were talking but felix was tuned out, staring in front of him and gripping tightly onto seungmin’s hoodie. his mind had been running on autopilot, walking through the lobby, into the elevator, through the apartment door where he now stood just looking. “come on felix, let’s take off our shoes and get comfortable.” it was seungmin, coaxing him to move. still, he felt so out of place and his skin prickly. 

hyunjin returned to the front door entryway, minho, and jeongin followed behind. seungmin must’ve told them. seungmin somehow maneuvered felix’s shoes off his feet. he was still zoned out until he bent himself to the ground, tears now coming out of his eyes, sobs shaking his body as felix held his head in his hands. “oh felix.” it was jeongin, cooing from afar as he watched all three of his hyungs, lift felix and takes him to the couch, taking off his backpack, his jacket. “we don’t have to talk about it now, but you have hyunjin and seungmin who also experienced that with you.” 

felix was crying into someone’s chest, unsure of who’s but they were warm and breathing softly. “i’m sure it must’ve been so scary for you.” it was hyunjin, he finally recognized the scent and the vibrations of his chest as he talked. the sad reality had been that the other members had been mobbed in the past days, weeks as well. the general public seemed to really miss them and wanted to show it. felix had yet to experience it. felix clung onto hyunjin’s neck as his life depended on it, crying softly now and becoming sleepy. “please don’t leave me.” he cried again, his body wracking up another sob. 

“i’m not going anywhere, none of us are. how about we nap on the couch and watch something to get your mind off it, hm?” hyunjin asked, retrieving the remote from jeongin, who was now sitting on the couch watching the two interact. minho and seungmin stood back, also watching. “i’m not small.” felix whined, sniffling. hyunjin laughed softly, thanking minho for the tissue,” i never said you were but you don’t want to watch tv with hyung?” hyunjin tried his best to wipe felix’s nose but the now blonde made it his goal to not let hyunjin do that. 

“no, please, let’s watch something.” felix insisted, maneuvering himself in hyunjin’s lap. the others couldn't contain their smiles, watching the two interact. hyunjin put on a random kdrama, no one was truly watching the show anyways, it was only acting as a distraction. “lix, how was your therapy session?” it was seungmin asked, a pack of gummies in his hand. he had gotten his braces off recently so he was enjoying all the foods he was restricted to. 

“oh! minho, minho hyung!” felix scrambled up from hyunjin’s lap, causing a groan to emit from hyunjin as the older doubled over. felix was quick to sprint into the kitchen but found no minho. he ran to his room, knocking anxiously and waiting for the door to open. minho opened the door, on the phone, holding up his index finger to his lips so felix could note before inviting felix in. felix hummed, sitting on minho’s rug, threading it with his fingers and playing with the texture. minho was standing in one spot of his room, before pacing. 

after a few minutes, minho got off the phone, throwing it to his bed and looking down at felix who was still playing with the carpet’s fluffiness. the member bent down, cocking his head to the side to stare at felix, hoping to gain his attention. felix was still zoned out, playing with the carpet when minho tapped his cheek,” what did you want to tell me?” felix immediately stopped playing with the rug and looked up at minho. 

“uh, hye suni wants to meet with everyone. she said it would be in two weeks but she could change it. i gave her channie hyung’s email so he knows but i wanted to tell you too.” felix smiled half-heartedly. minho hummed, “thank you for telling me lixie, is that all?” the younger member nodded, moving to stand up but minho had him confined to his bed frame and body. 

“is everything okay? i know you had that scare but are you doing okay? feel okay?” minho pressed, taking note of felix sucking in his teeth. felix nodded, slightly pushing minho to crawl away and return to the living room. maybe felix was feeling some way about the incident but he’d deal with that himself or with hye suni. he walked back into the living room, watching hyunjin, jeongin, and seungmin now playing mario cart. jeongin had seemed to be winning by the sheer joy he was expressing and how the other two were scheming to get the maknae out of first place. felix slowly made his way to an open spot on the couch, bundling up with a blanket and watching the three race. hyunjin was sitting on the floor in front of him, seungmin to his right nearest to the kitchen, and jeongin on his left, laughing. minho came out of his room, and entering into the bathroom. felix watched him close the door and hummed to himself before giggling and adding comments to the game being played.

about three more games later, the three finished up. jeongin won the first two and seungmin won the last game played. the four were now on the living room floor, felix in hyunjin’s lap and the other two just surrounding as they had a silent discussion on random topics. somehow, maybe planned but seungmin had asked hyunjin a philosophical rhetorical question about what was better, “being the first love or the last love” which cued the groans from felix and jeongin. thankfully, the front door opened and the last three members of stray kids walked through the door, for once silent. 

han kicked off his shoes, coming over to the four. chan and changbin kicked theirs off and walked together onto the balcony. “what happened?” felix blurted out, watching both chan and changbin stare out at the skyline. “they found out about the swarm of people that mobbed you three.” han whispered lowly, watching as the two came back inside and sat on the couches. “oh.” felix muttered, squeezing hyunjin’s hand for comfort. 

it was uncomfortable at first the silence but slowly, conversations began. felix took this as his opportunity to leave the living room, instead wanting to get rid of the icky feeling and play some games on his computer. no one batted an eye at felix’s will to leave, instead they all began talking once again. felix passed by the bathroom, noting the handle of the doorknob moving, and rushed to go into his bedroom quicker. he pushed his door open, shutting it softly, and bent down by the door frame to turn on his fairy lights. he began stripping out of his clothes, wandering around his room to find new and more comfortable ones. he slipped into his closet pulling out an oversized light black gray shirt and some black sweatpants, and quickly he changed before walking to his desk and sitting in the chair. 

he started to gear up, turning on his monitor and readying his headset. he was mere seconds away from putting on his headset when there was a knock at the door. “come in.” he expected hyunjin, maybe even jeongin, han but not both chan or minho when the door opened. his smile faded as he looked at the two.

“why the long face?” chan asked, smiling as he leaned against the doorframe. “i- uh, no, sorry i’m just surprised to see you both.” he stuttered a bit but found his calm soon after. “am i in trouble?” he blurted, setting his headset down.

“no baby, we wanted to have some quiet time with you because of today but it seems you found an ou-.”

“no, i-, i want quiet time with you two please.” he had cut minho off, his hands instantly going to cover his mouth. the two oldest caregivers smiled,”meet in channie’s room when you’re ready.” minho smiled, walking out of the doorframe and pulling chan by his shirt to follow.

quickly, felix turned everything back off and scrambled out of his room, ready to face the embarrassment of the others in the living room but they had all dispersed. he got to chan’s room, knocked and was immediately greeted by chan. minho was laying on the bed, on his phone and smiling up at the two. “but i’m, i’m not small.” guilt panged felix’s heart.

“you don’t always have to be small to have some quiet time, now come on, lay next to minho and let’s watch this show with us.” felix ignored the feeling in his chest, cuddling into minho’s awaited arms. he was wrapped up immediately,”are you really okay my baby?” minho was still pressing. the show started playing in the background but it seemed the three wouldn’t pay attention. felix made a soft noise, pushing his face into the crook of minho’s neck. chan offered comfort by stroking felix’s back. 

when he had received the news, he was livid. with staff and managers not offering the boys assistance by driving them home or walking with them home and by the people, the citizens of korea for thinking they had such a right as to mob and scare his members. he had been in the building’s cafeteria with changbin when he got the call. 

the cafeteria was full but not as full as it should’ve been on a thursday afternoon, closer to employees, trainees and idols to start leaving to go home. changbin and chan were sharing a tray of food, changbin eating and scanning his food and chan eating and humming at the tastes and flavors of the food. eventually, changbin had put down his phone, eating alongside chan and making conversation. it seemed to always be them, last to leave the building. they both knew hyunjin, seungmin and felix had left a few minutes before they came down to the cafeteria, feeling no inkling of fear or anxiety for the three to roam the streets. it was still light out, the building window overlooking the roads and crosswalks, small ant like bodies moving as one to get from one destination to the other. chan had seen it, changbin on the other side of the small table to not witness. he had recognized hyunjin’s outfit, seungmin’s light green hoodie and felix’s backpack, even from high up in the building. there was a pain in his heart, watching the three get mobbed, though it was ten people asking and questioning, it had been too many. if he was a better leader, he could’ve gotten there in time, asked a manager to assist them home, this hadn’t been the first time. it was not until a few minutes after the three got free that chan got a call. he didn’t have the guts to tell changbin, knowing he’d feel the same guilt and anger as the leader. 

chan was now staring at felix in minho’s hold of safety, tender strokes going up and down felix’s back. chan sighed to himself, angry at himself for letting an incident occur especially because felix had freshly come out of therapy and it was a strange possibility that he had been a setback in his session. 

from the looks of it, quiet time for felix had knocked him out completely, tuckered out in minho’s hold as the caregiver watched the anime, spy x family . “i’m assuming you got the email.” minho asked, slowly moving his head from the tv to look at chan who had already been staring at the two.

“which one? i get so many.” chan grabbed his phone, which had been thrown to the end of his bed and unlocked his phone to go look through his emails. “oh, the visit with the therapist?” minho hummed. felix must’ve been deep asleep, attempting to push his head further and further into minho’s neck, whining when he was dissatisfied. the two smiled softly at the frustrated member. 

“felix came running to me to tell me about it, he didn’t seem bothered by the idea but sometimes he puts on façades. i tried to ask him about today many times but he just ignored me, so i imagine he’ll keep to himself or be all over the place for the next few days. hyunjin told me that someone had grabbed felix, attempted to coax him into going with him, how fucking sick is that.” minho felt heated, holding onto felix just a bit tighter, scared that someone, anyone would try and take him away again. he had zoned out, the biology of his brain grabbing onto felix tighter, bringing him close when chan touched his arm to get him to reality. 

“i think a meeting needs to be held, this can’t keep happening, the swarms of people and especially endangering us and them, it’s too easy to have someone get hurt but minho, he’s not going anywhere, we won’t allow it but i’ll set up a meeting and i’ll look into the therapy session with all eight of us.”

 there was a knock at chan’s bedroom door. “come in gremlins.” chan called out, smiling wider when han and seungmin were behind the door. “old man, you’re bold to call us gremlins.” immediately chan’s face fell, standing up from his bed to chase seungmin away. the bed bounced and felix sighed. jisung was left in the doorway, staring at the two then at the tv where spy x family played, his mouth dropped and he felt betrayed. “YAH! how come i couldn't have come to watch too, maybe i need quiet time too!” there was a betrayed pout and minho giggled softly, beckoning him over. the quokka made his way over to the two, flopping on the bed and earning a smile from minho. “we’ll invite you next time my hanji, hm?” jisung couldn’t help but blush then remember his purpose as coming to interrupt the three.

“they want us to come in, for a meeting.” crazy how the world works. 

with a sigh, minho nodded, scooting han off the bed before slowly picking felix up in his arms and carrying him out to the living room. it wasn't late in the evening but being called back to the building at this hour seemed unusual and rare. 

“should we?” minho asked. chan shrugged, rounding the couch to stand in front of the eight. the leader stood for a minute, weighing his options before sighing and staring at everyone else,”we have too, everyone get ready and we’ll go out in a few minutes.” the members dispersed, minho standing with felix had now fallen asleep in minho’s grasp. when the group members who needed a change had finally changed, they met at the entryway and put on their shoes, jeongin assisting minho and putting on felix’s, all ready to exit with chan out their apartment door. the members mumbled softly around minho, minho now in the center of the formation. the buzz of the elevator soon turned to the hustle of the cars as the group stood on the sidewalk. changbin stared down at felix as hyunjin and jisung watched the duo closely. 

soon the company van pulled up and the driver opened the door for the seven, chan closed it behind him. discussions settled into themselves as the driver drove, a few miles down the road to the building. the scenery was bare but lovely as minho softly patted felix’s blanket-covered bum. disconnected from the conversations around him and tuned in with the little mouthing at his cardigan. the car stopped and they all got out, chan being the last to close the door and follow his members inside. 

when the seven walked inside, they showed their badges as well as felix’s but immediately minho was stopped by one of the many receptionists. her arms out and waiting for something, more likely someone. minho looked down at felix then at the petite woman and then back down at felix, gripping him tighter. “where would you be taking him?”

 hyunjin asked, sensing the anxious tension between the caregiver and receptionist. “there’s room for littles, on each floor, you can view it almost like a waiting room for littles when their caregivers are away for a bit. there’s a caregiver staffed in each and for the meeting, i think it’s best he be put there.” 

the group gave uncertain looks. “he’s not small right now, just sleeping but we can carry him to our floor then we’ll let you take him.” the woman mumbled a soft ‘of course’ before starting for the gold elevators. the group of seven and the receptionist piled into the elevator, each member watching the finger with blue polish push the thirteenth level. they all stood with awkward tension, watching the numbers on the panel rise. with a soft ‘ding’ the doors opened and they walked out, following the woman down the hallway before she stopped in front of a door. “meeting is here, the room where felix will sleep or play is just right across.” 

once again the woman outstretched her arms and minho quickly walked towards the door of the little room. when opening the door, he expected no littles waiting but instead found two, yunjin and her member, another little sitting on a playmat. the caregiver looked sweet and gentle, reading a novel in a rocking chair as she oversaw the girls.

upon entering, the caregiver immediately stood up, bowing politely. “hello, im yu eunbi, caregiver for the starfish room in the jype building. it seems, he’s still asleep, we have cribs and beds if you wish to put him down.” she smiled, distant as she observed minho. yunjin had stopped playing with eunchae, a soft whine sounding from the smaller little. “is it okay, if i put him down over here?” the caregiver asked, nearing a crib, big and a soft yellow with minimal blankets inside. “of course, make him comfortable and take your time, i’ll be over here with the girls.” eunbi smiled, bowing once again and moving to sit on the mat with the girls.

after minho settled felix, he caressed his cheek, waiting a few minutes before dismissing himself to be with his other caregiver group members. the honey blonde haired boy didn’t stir, deep into his nap. 

“a baby?” eunchae asked, a big blue block in her hand as she pointed with her other hand, her index finger covered with a hot pink bandaid. “that’s right eunnie, lix is a baby just like you so we need to stay quiet.” yunjin reminded, helping eunchae build her block squared castle. with a nod the younger one nodded and helped yunjin.

the other members filed into the meeting room, shocked to see the other members of le sserafim present. 

why else would yunjin and their littlest be in the jype building?

 minho was sitting on the opposite side of the women, head down low as he played with the buttons on his oversized cardigan. chan sat next to minho, taking his hands from the buttons and patting them as he held on tight, giving the caregiver a reassuring smile. when everyone was ready, a higher-up walked in and stood at the head of the office table. “both groups had instances today of mobbing and attempts to grab at your groups littles, though you two are very different groups from different companies, both groups have had an interaction.” he started. 

🐣

thirty minutes later, felix had woken up without a fuss, the familiarity of yunjin easing his nerves. eunbi had frightened him, a stranger he had never met picking up and carrying over to his little group. yunjin had smiled, filling felix on everything he had missed. after a few yawns, felix began slowly playing. an interest in the playhouse in the corner, taking his particular interest. the house was a soft pale yellow with blue plastic shutters and white windows. he had waddled over, going inside and smiling, puffing out his cheeks when yunjin stuck her head through the window. “i like your house lixie.” she giggled. 

if felix didn’t notice the shift, yunjin did. suddenly yunjin barged into the house, sitting across from felix. “you’re big right now.” she spoke in a whisper, almost as if it was a crime to be big in a little room. “i- i am yeah. sorry if i pulled you out.” felix mumbled, eyes glancing through the white plastic doors windows out to eunbi and eunchae. 

“no, it’s okay! i was slowly falling out too, i don’t know.” the two sat in awkward comfort. knowing each other in little space but not knowing much when out of it. “can i ask you a personal question?” felix asked, eyes flickering over to yunjin who was now watching her team member in fondness. “do you think you’re a bother when, no uh, do you think your caregiver's mind when you slip?”

yunjin continued staring at eunchae, fingers playing with her black and white striped polo shirt. “no. i don’t think so. i think if they did mind, i wouldn’t still be in the group. it’s all a part of biology. it’s scary to think about but if they don’t want to deal with me, they wouldn’t but we’re symbiotic. i need them and they need me. why? do you think you bother your members?” yunjin asked, her eyebrows furrowed as she looked directly into felix’s eyes. 

“sometimes.” felix whispered. “you know, i know i can’t say much but i know you aren’t a bother to them. especially from the clips i’ve seen, how i watch them with you, the way they treat you, look at you, speak to you. you’re like a delicate little petal they don’t dare to crush. they were already certain to give you the world but if they had the opportunity, they’d give you the entire universe and its many galaxies.” felix smiled lightly, rubbing a stray tear from his eyes away. 

“we’re besties now, whether big or little. i’ll listen to you if you’re willing to listen to me.” yunjin smiled, hands carefully making way to hold felix’s. felix accepted, smile growing wider. “felix and yunjin, can you please come out of the playhouse? eunchae wants to finger paint with the both of you.” eunbi knocked softly on the roof. felix stared into yunjin’s eyes, the glimmer shining now into his own doe ones. the pair giggled, poorly trying to manage a way out of the playhouse that could incorporate the two of them. after a few minutes, they decided that holding hands and going out individually would suffice. 

eunbi had sat eunchae down at the painter’s baby table, an apron tied around her with paints already messing up the table. one by one, the caregiver placed the other little’s into their spots, helping tie aprons around their necks and displaying many colors of individual paints for the two. eunbi smiled, fixing her collared shirt and pencil skirt as she monitored. the littles were so preoccupied with painting their papers that they didn’t see their caregiver’s heads peeking over the frosted glass. the meeting had ended about five minutes ago and as the caregivers filed out, they were talking when they saw eunbi prepping for a little art activity. there were many coos and phones taken out to capture the moment. 

soon the door opened and both leaders, chan and chaewon peeked their heads in, earning squeals and cheers of excitement. “daddy! daddy!” felix cheered before growing frustrated at his glued position in the navy chair. before he could cry, chan quickly rushed over, pulling felix out of the chair and kissing his cheek. “whoa now baby petal, i’m here.” hyunjin had walked over, smiling at the little artist's artwork before assisting eunbi with handing out wet wipes to the caregivers. jisung had walked over to chan, helping clean up felix’s hands as he squirmed in chan’s grasp. when jisung finished, felix immediately attached his arms tightly around chan’s neck, nosing at his neck and giggling. “oh no boys. we have a giggling felix on our hands.”

the members of le sserafim were smiling and pointing at both yunjin and eunchae’s works. eunbi was doing her best to secure the finger paintings safely for the groups, hyunjin also helping. seungmin grabbed felix’s blanket from the crib, holding onto it until felix saw it in chan’s grasp. he whined, bending over towards seungmin, wanting to be closer. with assurance, seungmin took felix in his arms, smiling at the little who was now surveying the puppy member’s face. he was lost in seungmin’s eyes, unaware that he was being taken out of the room and being walked out of the building by a security team and his friends nearby. “mong mong.” felix giggled, trying to communicate with the caregiver. “silly lixie, do you think seungminnie mong mongs.” it had been jisung teasing him, causing him to pout and angrily stare at him. 

“of course i mong mong, but only for our baby, hm?” seungmin responded, teasing jisung back for felix’s sake. the little now embarrassed that he had been proven wrong. 

it had now been evening time, dinner time when the meeting ended. when they all stepped into the building’s garage, the two groups departed, planning for a playdate soon then waving as they got into the respected vans with their security teams. minho still had to cook, they all needed to eat and felix needed a bath tonight, so much to do for a late start into the evening. currently, the van was loud and chaotic, and both changbin and seungmin starting it. if one member was to get loud, others followed suit. 

“YAH! everyone quiet or there’s no dinner for any of you tonight!” minho tried to silence but only got more yelling and groans. felix was sitting on jeongin’s lap, somehow tuned out and staring at jeongin. “puppy.” he whispered softly, lips in a noot and staring intently at jeongin. “no baby, fox. foxes go yip yip, can you go yip yip?”

felix thought about it for a second, humming. “yip yip.” jeongin couldn’t help but laugh and coo softly before smiling at felix. “hmmm, do you want to show everyone?” the little nodded. 

“YAH! old people, our sunshine baby has something to show off.” with a gentle nudge, felix’s cheeks blushed a soft pink. the van quieted down and everyone looked at the two. “yip yip.” jeongin whispered, urging felix to say it with him as well but the little became too shy, whining and hiding into jeongin’s chest. “oh c’mon lixie, no need to be shy.”

“he’s so tired.” hyunjin commented, noticing how the little was becoming even clinger. they were almost home but feeding felix would be a hassle now. felix stretched, pushing himself off of jeongin and now on the floor. he scanned the van, looking for a specific caregiver. “felix, you can’t be on the floor, it’s dangerous.” minho had picked him up, dusting him off but felix squirmed. he kept scanning but he couldn’t find the caregiver. he looked to his side, out the window, and squealed when changbin was there, now calm. felix climbed off of minho’s lap and practically threw himself onto changbin. “daddy!” 

“it’s daddy!” felix yawned, still sitting up. “you can sleep, it’s okay, we won’t let you skip dinner, go on, sleep for daddy.” though sleepy felix was stubborn and refused to follow such an order. the blue blanket with yellow stars was passed back and as soon as the blanket hit felix’s body, he was slumped against changbin's hoodie-covered chest. 

🐣

Chapter Text

after a wild car ride and an even more hectic trip up the apartment, all the right members made it back safe and sound. felix had woken up during the ride up the elevator, thankful that whoever had put the blanket over his eyes so he wouldn’t be blinded. 

changbin had sat him on his lily pad. still, he took that as an invitation to lie down, stretching again to get comfortable. he slept a lot when he was little, but deep down, he understood that it was biology and that his body couldn’t take so much energy during long periods. while others were showering and getting dressed in more comfortable clothes, he heard two of his caregivers cooing at something over the kitchen table. the more he lay, the smaller he felt. the pressure of yunjin’s advice hanging over his head. he felt small. 

there was an ocean documentary playing on the television. as he watched the nature documentary in the living room, jisung also watched him. he began to scratch his face, a tickle on the tip of his nose. still, without realizing it, he had cut the tip of his nose slightly with his fingernail. the duo watched the calm of the jellyfish displayed on the screen, the music lulling felix into a light sleep. he kicked his feet, smacking his lips softly and let the sleep over take him. as soon as he closed his eyes, he was picked up and immediately clung to the caregiver's warm, bare skin. 

everyone was sitting at the dinner table. felix was strapped into the highchair, whining and squirming from the contrast of warm skin to cold white plastic. seungmin had stood up from the table mere seconds after everyone began eating. he walked over to the entryway’s shelves and pulled items out before coming back over and sitting in front of felix. with quick hands, seungmin ripped and twisted open a cap of some ointment, spreading it on felix’s nose, then put soft baby blue mittens onto felix’s hands. “aigoo…” seungmin frowned apologetically as soon as felix realized what he had done. firstly, no contact to warm skin, and now the itch of blue mittens?

the little one quickly threw a tantrum, shrieking and crying, immediate wails spurting out of his mouth. the caregivers paid no mind to the little, aware that he was cranky from being hungry and tired. “oh, does our angel not like his mittens? they’re so cute.” it was minho, trying his best to calm the situation down, but it was clear felix wanted skinship and these silly little mittens off his hands. felix was now heaving and sobbing ever so sadly, looking down at chan, who was eating with his shirt off at the dinner table though he wasn’t going to detest it, bare skin meant better skinship. 

“baby, you need to breathe, hm?” it was seungmin, playing with felix’s hair slightly, but felix made it clear he was upset with seungmin. he was shying away from his touches and gentle voice. he was slamming down his fist on the white plastic table, upset that he couldn’t feed himself. “ah ah. none of that.” the puppy member tutted. the little let out a small cry,” i know baby, you’re so sad and so tired, but let’s feed you, and then you can go to sleep for the night.” seungmin brought up his chopsticks and picked up some kimchi to give to felix but the little refused. his lips in a fine line and a look of hurt in his eyes. “felix, you need to eat so you can be big and strong.”

hyunjin had gotten up from the dinner table, spooning more rice in his mouth before exiting into the kitchen. felix watched hyunjin prepare a bottle, warming up the almond milk in the microwave for a few seconds, then adding vanilla. “he needs to bathe first.” he heard jeongin whisper to hyunjin, but the older of the two shook his head. hyunjin was now in front of felix, taking off the tray table and hoisting felix out of his chair and onto his hip. felix tried to wiggle his way out of hyunjin’s grasp, annoyed he wasn’t being passed to chan. “we’ll be in the living room, don’t mind us.” hyunjin apologized. still, the other caregivers didn’t bat an eye, shooing away the apology. 

the caregiver brought felix into the living room, laying him on the lily pad, the jellyfish still in the background. hyunjin took off his shirt, grabbed felix’s blanket from the edge of the couch, moving around the living room to get the preferred setup for him and his baby. felix seemed calm, watching the jellyfish float and be elegant before he was scooped up again and tucked into hyunjin’s chest as the caregiver found a comfortable spot in the corner of the couch. hyunjin brought the bottle to felix’s lips, urging him to drink with gentle eyes. felix made a soft noise before taking the bottle into his mouth, soothing suckling sounds coming from the little. hyunjin grabbed the blanket, placing it over himself and felix, allowing felix to be alone and safe. hyunjin leaned back against the couch, content with the sounds of felix’s soft suckles and the blanket's softness. 

with time, the other caregivers joined, seungmin bringing hyunjin’s unfinished plate and feeding him his plate while he tended to felix. hyunjin peeked into the blanket, smiling softly when he noticed that a few milk drops had escaped from felix’s mouth and landed near his lips and chin. the caregiver was quick to look around, but there was a bib from a helpful hand that was quick to clean up the messy chin, looking up and peering at a smiling jisung, stars in his eyes. the caregivers basked in the calm, others leaning on each other while sitting on the floor. others were watching with soft eyes at hyunjin and felix. with a disgruntled noise, felix shifted in hyunjin’s hold, mouth still attached to the bottle but nothing coming out. they all hoped he wouldn’t cry. their moods dampened every time their little one cried.

hyunjin took out the bottle from between the soft and pouty lips. helpful hands surrounded hyunjin and felix. the blue pacifier was slipped into felix’s mouth. hyunjin looked up again, noticing minho, taking the bottle and taking it with his plate and bowl to the kitchen.

“should we go bathe him now, innie?” hyunjin asked, moving to stand with felix. the maknae nodded, moving from his spot on the couch, tucked into the corner, and followed the caregiver and the felix. 

“he’s completely knocked out.”

“he must’ve had a fun time with the girls.” chan noted, a fond smile on his face as he remembered peering through the glass to watch his little play. felix started squirming, uncomfortable with being held bridal style in the air. luckily jeongin called hyunjin into the bathroom, observing the caregiver strip the little and then lay felix in the tub. “are you okay if i leave for a minute?” hyunjin asked, holding felix’s dirty clothes and his blanket. 

“yeah, of course, we’ll be alright here.” jeongin smiled, his rings and bracelets on the countertop and his hands quick to start pouring water on felix. he grabbed the vanilla body wash in felix’s little basket, quickly applying some on felix’s bare skin before beginning to wash felix with a washcloth. it was quiet, the sounds of water rolling off felix’s skin and droplets from the loofah that was now hanging to dry, and jeongin was humming some trot to himself. felix slowly began to wake up, eyes blinking many times and becoming big and doelike. jeongin was busy tidying the space before he turned to notice the baby staring at him. 

“so small, our lixie is so small.” jeongin sang softly, standing and pulling the little out of the tub and into his chick bath towel. felix was sitting on the bathroom rug, the yellow chick hood blocking his view from jeongin, who was also sitting but contemplating. felix babbled gently, moving to crawl away though jeongin was quick to replace the little in his spot. as jeongin rummaged through felix's shelf, he pulled out boxers, slipping them onto the little one who was crawling with a chick towel once again. despite the towel's hood blocking his view, he slowly made his way out, babbling as jeongin followed very slowly after him. 

eventually, the baby moved into the living room, where everyone sat and talked. felix paid no attention to the caregivers, crawling towards his lily pad. “oh, he’s never crawled before.” seungmin whispered, watching felix crawl to his lily pad. he plopped his bum down on the lily pad. he looked at the tv. still, nothing played, no jellyfish, just a black screen. he whined, kicking his feet and staring up at the tv. 

“baby, no more jellyfish, all gone.” jisung tried to recept, but felix was zoned out, pouting and looking up at the tv. 

“he needs to sleep, get dressed and sleep.” seungmin noted. changbin began to squat in front of the baby but felix whined, a mean look trying to display on his face but failing. “no more.” changbin noticed the waterworks start up, looking for any toy to distract felix but he was out of luck, he was already crying. 

changbin picked him up, a wail escaping the little’s mouth, reaching towards where minho sat on the couch with the others, phone in hand. “sunshine, mommy is busy. let’s get dressed with daddy for the night.” changbin tried to coax, but felix refused, flopping and squirming in changbin’s hold, wailing and shrieking. despite felix’s desire to be with minho, changbin took him away, walking down the corridor to changbin’s room. he pushed the door open slightly, the hiccups of felix’s cries being the only sound and a few sniffles. changbin cooed, wiping felix’s face full of tears and snot with his baby chick towel before taking it off and laying him down on his bed.

felix was making sad, pitiful noises as he clenched his fists and tried not to cry again. changbin came back with a black t-shirt of his own, dressing the baby, who was still weeping. 

changbin heard the other members saying goodnight to each other and knew they’d eventually peek in to whisper goodnight to the rapper and the baby. it had been a few minutes, changbin, thanking whatever entity above for once, not letting his members come and say goodnight. with a few quiet moments, changbin rocking felix in his lap, the little hiccuping, his chest shaking against changbin, there was a knock, alerting felix. 

“i just wanted to say goodnight to you both, and you did well today.” 

“you can come in. he’s gonna cry anyways, so you might as well show your face and say goodnight." changbin replied lowly, stopping his rocking. the hyung walked in, treading over to changbin’s bed carefully, and dipped into the bed, sitting next to changbin. when felix looked over, he was quick to whine and lean his way into the lap, but changbin kept his grip tight.

minho softly pinched felix's cheeks, wiping away the stray tears that threatened to fall them. “are you not tired, my peach? you’ve been up for so long.” when felix realized minho wouldn't hold him, he whined, tucking and turning his head into changbin’s neck, frustrated and annoyed.  

“grumpy and sleepy kitten.” changbin laughed, felix feeling the rise and fall of his chest and the delicate patterns of his heart beating. felix was falling asleep now, his hand on changbin's shirt, sucking on his bottom lip for comfort. minho had kissed him goodnight, leaving the room, and changbin smiled down at felix. 

the caregiver tried to move felix off his lap into a laydown position. still, felix gripped changbin’s shirt harder. “so grumpy, whiny, and clingy.” felix yawned, rubbing his eyes and finally drifting off to sleep. changbin smiled, gently brushing strays of felix's hair. he kissed his forehead and held him close until he fell asleep. then, he carefully laid him down on the bed and tucked him in, watching him until he was sure felix was deeply asleep. he stood up and slowly walked away, content with the warmth in his chest. he whispered a soft goodbye and shut the door, leaving felix to sleep peacefully. 

changbin walked out of his room and was met with two of his hyungs, chan and minho, sitting on the couch, a mug in each hand. “congratulations, binnie, and you got the baby down.” 

there was a small laugh from changbin, the younger of the three sitting on the floor and facing the three. he replied, "I don't know about that.". he seemed pretty adamant about staying up longer.” minho laughed into his mug, taking a sip before holding it again. there was a moment of silence,”i think i might go to the convenience store and get some snacks, do you two want anything?” changbin asked, dusting himself off and gesturing to the two. there were headshakes, and changbin nodded, leaving the living room. 

when the caregiver entered his room, felix was awake and stretching before crying softly. “oh my sunshine, i’m sorry. hmm,” changbin picked up felix, bouncing him around his room, into his closet and grabbing a jacket, and walking out with felix into the living room. “to your other daddy.” changbin laughed softly, handing the little off to chan who graciously took him. felix didn’t feel the transfer into chan's arms and was still crying but now into chan’s shirt. changbin left quietly, and minho laughed softly from his spot in the corner of the couch. 

“shh shh, you’re okay. he’ll be back soon, hm?” felix stopped sniffling, peering up and noticing that it was chan and not changbin. he looked around, realizing he was in the living room, and whined when he glanced at the television. “the jellyfish..” minho softly mumbled to himself, looking at the time and then yelling. “YAH JISUNGIE, COME TO THE LIVING ROOM!” chan quickly covered felix's ears when he noticed minho’s smirk before shouting and nodding to himself when his intuition was correct. 

slowly a quokka emerged, wiping his eyes with his finger and glaring down at minho but not before making silly faces at felix which chan blocked, laughing at jisung’s reaction. “what can i do for you, lovely lino hyung?” 

minho smiled, and the infamous devilish cat smiled and patted the spot on the couch beside him. jisung sighed, rounding the couch and sitting, instantly becoming trapped by minho’s legs. “the baby wants jellyfish or one of your nature documentaries.” minho smiled, gently throwing the remote at jisung. jisung turned to felix, who was now bouncing on chan’s lap, watching the television. jisung smiled, pretending to cry in adoration. the hyung stared at the jisung's antics before scrolling through the disney+ account shared with him. 

soon, multiple varieties of colorful fish swam across the screen, and felix was squealing. "a hyper fixation unlocked.” chan noted, watching felix lean forward in wonder and awe. he was quiet and attentive, shying away when scary sea creatures approached the camera. throughout the documentary, when minho wanted to put his mug away, he turned on the overhead lights and then return to his spot near jisung.

all three of them watched felix fall back into a sleepy haze, getting comfortable on top of chan. changbin had come home with two plastic bags, closing the front door softly, locking it, and removing his shoes. the three awake members welcomed him back, squeezing in to give him a spot on the couch. “i brought back snacks and drinks, thought we all deserved a pick me up, even late at night.”

“i’ll buy ice cream next time. changbin smiled, “it’s no trouble, i was happy to do it.” he began to unpack the snacks and drinks, distributing them to everyone. 

Chapter Text

it had been many days later.

currently, all the members are doing a schedule. they were filming for a new episode of skzcode. nothing challenging but a getaway vacation because of their hard work and dedication. felix was squished by a window, watching the cars on the road with jisung next to him. the two of them seemed to get closer after felix came back into his normal headspace. the oldest twin of the sunshine duo, quick to run into felix’s room and talk about nature documentaries. the oldest sunshine twin filing him in from the night prior.

felix was listening to his other members talking, softly acknowledging the camera but simply wanting to be with himself. he was given a jellyfish keyring by jisung the same day. a small translucent with a hue of blue, a moon jelly jisung had pointed out. he was playing with the tentacles, the rubbery feeling taking him away from the conversation. he had been out of headspace for about a week. embarrassed and feeling self-shame for pushing himself away from work. though the others tried to make him small, telling him “he was okay to be small” or “i’ll give you a time limit,” he didn’t budge. this had been the longest he had gone ever since coming out as a little. 

the road to their location was long, about two hours. after the cameras cut off, many dispersed to give themselves more legroom and a comfier place to rest and sleep. jisung had moved near minho, the two talking and watching something on minho’s ipad, a new anime felix believed. chan had moved closer to felix, a big smile on his face and offering him an airpod but the younger shook his head. chan caught onto felix’s attitude shift, agitated and anxious. chan knew it was because of the suppression. 

felix was still playing with the jellyfish, noticing it had been the same color as his cardigan. he smiled with a slight twitch of a smile. he did love jellyfish, both in and out of the headspace. he let go of the keyring, cracking his neck and stretching his limbs with a yawn. “tired?” chan asked kindly, positioning himself so felix could lay his head on his shoulder if he wanted to. still, felix ignored the question and leaned his head against the window, shutting his eyes and allowing the sun to shine down and warm his face. he fell asleep quickly, the sleep tucking him in kindly and kissing each of his freckles as he went.

from what chan could see, felix was asleep, jeongin to his left was on his phone, headphones on and relaxing. in the second row, jisung had fallen asleep on minho, who was still watching the anime, on the left side of the van, seungmin was scrolling on his phone, occasionally looking out the window and lastly in the front row, changbin was teasing hyunjin who had one airpod out and was doodling in his sketchbook. chan himself was relaxed, taking time away from his laptop to take at the moment with his members. he was watching the road ahead, his middle back row seat perfect for viewing the road as well.

 slowly time passed, and the directors and producers started asking the members to wake everyone up. the curve onto a new road, signaling they were close to their destination. felix had woken up from the chatter, sniffling and staring out the window. wiping his eyes softly with his soft sleeve and mentally preparing himself for the content ahead.

slowly the van pulled into a driveway, the tires crunching the small rocks and up to the small square colorful condos. when the driver stopped, the directors and producers signaled for the members to step out and explore, the cameras already set up and prepared for their arrival. carefully and slowly, they thanked the driver and stepped out of the van, amazed at the rented condo for their episode. they were told that upon arrival, there would be no introduction, just a free for all. one by one, they started to explore the area, some of them walking into the home first, but felix spotted a cat, a small orange, walking and also exploring. he knew cameras were watching but walked down the driveway and bent down, calling for the small cat. slowly the cat approached him, rubbing against his hand and meowing softly. the little thrilled and smiling, making soft baby noises to coax the cat. he spent time alone with the cat before it had been seungmin, calling for him to come inside. “yongbok-ah!” he was standing on a balcony, waving for felix to go inside.

the little slowly stood up, waving goodbye to the cat, picking up his bag, and walking back up the driveway to the front door. he took his time, taking off his shoes and placing his bag on a shelf before entering the home. he furrowed his eyebrows, confused as to why he saw no one on the first floor, but soon music and singing echoed through the house. timidly he walked near the basement, descending the stairs, and there was the massive gaming room with a karaoke machine. he stood on the big step, watching his members play, and pulled his sleeves down to create comfort and sweater paws. luckily there were no cameras in the stairway, so he could slip now if he wanted to. he had been doing well, attempting to start walking down the three more stairs, but his eyes went from watching chan and changbin playing ping pong to where minho and hyunjin sat watching jisung and jeongin sing together. he saw it . his blanket, draped on the benches near minho’s leg. quickly he started digging his nails into his palms. 

oh, this wasn't good.

instead of fleeing, he walked down the stairs, consciously approaching the karaoke side of the room. with a smile, hyunjin patted his lap for felix to sit on. he sat on hyunjin’s lap, and the member quickly wrapped his arms around felix’s waist and started swaying with him while the duo sang together. he was zoning out as the duo performed for them, even singing for the group when jeongin passed him the mic occasionally. it was going well, the blanket forgotten and unnoticed. 

after a while, watching his friends perform got boring for his taste, so he played the games spread out in the basement. first basketball, then battle light, similar to whack a mole but with lights. seungmin had come down, changed, and smiled at everyone, joining in the games and singing, and for once, felix felt as if he could breathe, free of headspace. felix was humming to himself, humming along to jeongin singing ‘creep’ when he felt a tap on his shoulder. he did his best to ignore it, playing it off as if he was focused on the light game. “we’re going into the pool soon, you have five more minutes of gameplay before hyunjin comes to tap you instead of me, okay?” it was changbin. the lights of the game flashed red, signaling he had lost. 

changbin had walked away, presumably upstairs with the others getting ready to play in the pool, so quietly felix sent himself upstairs, watchful of the stares, and walked to grab his bag from the corridor shelf. he grabbed the entire bag and walked from the corridor, still aware of the eyes of minho, changbin, and jeongin. he started up the stairs, accidentally bumping into hyunjin before rushing up the stairs with his head low.

“this isn’t good.” 

“you think we don’t know?” it was minho, sighing as he leaned into the couch. “he saw the blanket, tensed when on my lap earlier, he knows.” hyunjin commented, sitting on minho’s lap, a groan escaping the oldest lips.

“we need to push it. harder. ten times. whatever it takes.” jeongin pushed. after felix came down, the other seven filed out onto the deck, all careful and helpful when getting people into the pool. 

🐣

after the games in the pool, slowly, the members, one by one, came into the house, drying off and running to get into their clothes for the night. felix had somehow chosen the same room as jeongin, smiling when he walked into the door and eyes glancing away when jeongin changed. felix was quick to change into sweatpants and a comfortable soft sweatshirt, leaving jeongin alone in the room. 

they had played a silly game made by the directors of choosing dinner items, and currently, chan and minho were head chefs in their areas, grill, and stove, and their sous chefs had left their jobs to wander and get the table ready. felix had gone back downstairs into the basement with changbin, jisung, and seungmin. the karaoke had been a hotspot for the group of eight, changbin and jisung now dueting with each other, but felix had zoned out. in time jeongin joined, sitting next to him on the floor, so now he was in front of seungmin on the bench with jeongin at his side. 

felix didn’t realize he was still nervously digging his nails into palms until jeongin had taken his hand in his, slowly forcing open his hand as felix was watching the duo sing and gasping at the tiny bit of blood that smeared on his hand. “felix.” jeongin spoke, low and unrecognizable due to the music. felix hadn’t heard the maknae trying to talk to him until he felt a tap, looking behind him at a smiling seungmin and then at jeongin, who was holding his hand up carefully. immediately felix tried to yank his hand away, but jeongin held on, cocking his head at felix. “let’s go take care of this, hm?” it was scary when jeongin got strict and his voice low. it meant that he’s even more caring, though sometimes it comes off as a tone of disappointment. the heart in felix’s chest was anxious and beating rapidly. jeongin carefully helped felix off the floor and gently cooed him towards the stairs.

felix wanted to cry, and he so desperately wanted to cry, tell jeongin that he was sorry, he didn’t mean to. 

this was making the suppression of the headspace so much more challenging. when on the staircase, felix let go, squatting himself down to the floor and crying softly, jeongin’s hand still on his wrist. “oh lix, it’s okay.” the maknae bent down, patting the soft hair of the blonde. from the blonde’s cry, changbin quickly passed his microphone to seungmin and grabbed felix’s blankie, and rushed to the stairs. the members knew upon arrival that felix had skipped his naptime.

“changbin hyung, can you wrap him up? i’ll go ahead and get sanitized and grab the first aid.” changbin did a curt nod, unraveling the blue and white star blanket and wrapping it around felix before picking him up, the tears still coming strong. jeongin quickly made his way up the stairs, ahead of the two as changbin wrapped felix up in a bundle, kissing him softly, his cheeks and his tears.

 “you’re okay sunshine. we’ll fix you up and make you so much better.” changbin continued kissing felix. felix wanted to say he wasn’t little, but the voice in his mind told him to give in and slip. because of this feeling of suffocation, he cried harder. when changbin stepped into the first floor, he saw jeongin signaling for the two in the bathroom, gloves on and ointment on the sanrio bandaid ready. the other caregivers watchful of the trio. changbin was quick to walk the two over into the bathroom, softly closing the door with his foot and placing the little one on the sink counter. 

“okay, our good sunshine, can you hold out your hand for me?” it was jeongin. felix seemed unresponsive, so changbin slowly grabbed his hand, showing his palm and watching the caregiver apply the ointment and then the pompompurin bandaid. the cream added a lil sting to the indents causing felix to cry a bit more, but both changbin and jeongin reassured his bravery, kissing his temple, the crown of his hair, and his cheeks. with the gloves now off, jeongin squished the little’s face in his hands and gave him another kiss,” how about a nap time or a little rest time on the couch, hm?” 

felix whined, shaking his head and seeking changbin for refuge. “you’re not sleepy, princess? not even until dinner?” changbin asked, playing with felix’s hair again. “what if we all nap? hm?” 

oh, the little one was cranky, holding onto changbin and facing away from them both, eyes on the door with a pout. they knew felix would fall asleep sooner or later, so they just decided to take him back downstairs in changbin’s arms in his blanket, all stubborn and bundled.

the rest of the caregivers noticed the two with felix, back downstairs, curiosity in their eyes. when the two returned downstairs, jisung was now on the carpet, talking with seungmin. changbin and jeongin sat down with the other two, changbin leaning against the bench near seungmin.

 “oh wow lixie, did you get an ouchie?” it was seungmin, sitting next to changbin on the floor and examining felix’s bandaid. from the mere mention, felix let the tears flow again, pushing his head into changbin’s neck. “oh, he’s like sensitive cranky.” seungmin noted, holding felix’s hand and kissing the bandaid. changbin laughed, nodding and swaying with the little. for a short while, felix had fallen asleep in changbin’s hold. the caregiver quickly took him back upstairs, letting him lie down on him on the couch, and watched over him. there was a camera in the room, and deep down, changbin knew stay would love this moment, hearts warmed and fluffy. felix was still swaddled in his blanket. 

“i see he slipped, finally.” it was chan, plating the various types of meat on the table and smiling at the two. “two words, yang jeongin.” 

felix didn’t hesitate to stir, whining softly and opening his eyes to the ceiling. the others filed upstairs, the sleepy haze catching jisung in felix’s gaze. jisung was walking to the table, changbin now, standing up with felix too, ridding the blanket so it wouldn’t get dirty and following, taking a seat on edge of the table.

felix was glued to jisung, missing the speech made by the leader and the signal to start eating. changbin was trying to feed felix with his chopsticks, but felix would shake his head, and changbin would eat instead. 

curious eyes at the table followed felix’s gaze and smirked when landing on jisung, who was talking with his mouth full and laughing at something jeongin was saying. felix reached his hand out to try and signal a small dainty hand at a feeble attempt but only ended up gaining attention from seungmin’s point of view, alerting him instead. even when seungmin attempted to feed the little, felix sassily declined, sticking his nose in the air and waiting until the food was away to go back to staring. 

with furrowed eyebrows, felix attempted to speak out,”mhmph.” a pout instead took his words away. from across the table, chan watched felix try with his words but fail. the leader cleared his throat, interrupting jeongin quickly to signal jisung to look at felix, the pouting little on changbin’s lap who was once again refusing to eat. felix was in his world with changbin, now frustrations forming as the caregiver tried to feed him and not give him what he wanted, jisung. 

“changbin, i’ll take him.” it was jisung, pushing himself out of his seat and walking towards the other end of the table where changbin and felix sat. the little squealed almost immediately, happy to be in jisung’s arms. 

“hello my little sunshine jelly, i’ve been told you’ve been eyeing me. is that true? hm? my silly little jelly.” jisung sat back down at his seat, adjusting felix on his lap, and attempting to feed the little, tiny portions of the food, unsure of the wavering headspace. felix had refused the vegetables given and instead took it upon himself to grab the strawberries and other berries on the table in his hands and immediately stuff his mouth, the juices of the fruits making a glossy and sticky mess on his mouth and chin because instead of eating, he was sucking and teething. 

“aish lix, that’s a white shirt.” minho groaned, scooting from his chair at the table and quick to undress felix of his white shirt, the little now shirtless and doe eyes wide. if felix was undressing, why couldn’t everyone else? felix giggled, strawberry still in his hand, and the juice was squeezed out, and the fruit, his new target, was dropped to take off jisung’s shirt as well. before the group could warn jisung and scold felix not to touch with dirty hands, felix placed his hand on jisung’s shirt, fisting at it and pulling. 

“felix, no, no, we don’t pull. let go of jisungie’s shirt.” it was seungmin, doing his best to hide a laugh while trying to help the poor caregiver be free from felix. though with seungmin helping, felix turned, showing off his bandaid, blissfully aware of his chaotic nature. 

“pum.” felix pouted, words slurring and his lips now in the form of a noot. “that’s right baby, puppy pompompurin.” seungmin smiled, taking felix’s balled fist off of jisung’s shirt and holding them in one hand, waiting for someone to slide him baby wipes. it had been jeongin sliding the wipes down. seungmin thanked jeongin softly, returning to his task. felix was screaming and giggling on jisung’s lap, and seungmin was doing his best to wipe off the strawberry juices. 

after the clean-up, minho attempted to feed felix some “real” food, noodles to his lips with soft chews. a sigh of relief escaping his lips, satisfied with a little with a full tummy. the caregivers at the table talked, eyes occasionally going to the little one who was still highly focused on jisung.

they had played rock, paper, scissors to decide clean up, the losers being changbin and jisung. happily, seungmin had taken felix from jisung, the little’s eyes slowly closing but not quite. the caregivers dispersed, some returning to the basement and games and others getting ready for bed. seungmin stayed in the living room, felix now on his lilypad, white noise in the background as the caregivers wandered the condo. 

felix was a curious little. constantly questioning things when he was verbal, questioning authority, why his caregivers were wearing specific colors, and why the sky was sometimes sad. even when in a deeper headspace, he was curious and nonverbal. he would cock his head to the side like a curious kitten and stare until his caregivers caught on. even when they didn’t he’d grunt. for example, the little small bug in the corner. felix, in a bigger headspace, didn’t mind bugs. as long as he didn’t get near them and they didn’t hurt or harm him, they lived in harmony. felix in a smaller headspace, well, they appeared scarier. 

felix was watching it, his doe eyes carefully scanning the small black dot right above the tv on the wall. it was about a few minutes later when felix started to stir. big doe eyes looking at the wall. a kick of his foot alerted chan, who was now on his phone on the couch. he looked down, felix’s small pout evident. he didn’t appear to be smaller than usual, possibly around the age of one or two, the small kick notifying chan of that. the bug seemed to be moving quickly down the wall. in felix’s mind, it was targeting him, on its way to get him. 

luckily they hadn’t give felix a pacifier, able to do his following action, crying bloody murder. caregivers from all over the condo were quick to reach the living room in confusion and protective mode. chan was quick to pick up felix, rocking him softly and looking to the others. “whoa baby sun, what’s gotten you so worked up?” chan asked, whispering into felix’s temple before kissing him. the caregivers huddled around the two, everyone looking at each other. 

felix seemed not to have to explain because sometimes, bugs fly.

it had been poor hyunjin who caught the action of the bug opening his wings, and his screams had alerted the others, who immediately hid behind jeongin. it had been chan and a brave seungmin to try and catch the bug, chan passing felix off to changbin, the pink rubber dishwashing gloves still on his hands. changbin then passed felix to hyunjin, who was quick to take felix away and run downstairs to the basement with jisung and jeongin. felix had stopped crying, instead digging his head into hyunjin’s neck, a scared state of mind. 

“oh baby jelly, no need to be scared, our brave chan and seungminnie will take care of us.” it was jisung, huddling around hyunjin to pet at felix’s head. the shrieks and yells from upstairs seemed to be telling the others otherwise. 

“minnie on your right!”

“chan hyung! don’t move! it’s right next to you!”

“if we don’t catch this thing, i will set this place on fire, so help me GOD! anything for my babies!”

“LINO PUT THE LIGHTER DOWN!” 

“our heroes.” jeongin giggled. felix was tired. with a yawn, he quickly found comfort in hyunjin’s hold. after some time, roughly ten minutes, the others came down, chan smiling, seungmin exhausted, changbin still with the pink gloves on his hands and minho with a lighter in his hands, which changbin was quick to take away.

“it’s gone. everyone’s safe.” chan announced a yawn following afterward. 

“bedtime?” 

“bedtime.”

Chapter Text

after the trip, felix had fallen back into his anti-phase of little space.

the members tried to get him to slip again but now, he had noted their actions, showing him his blanket, putting on his favorite cartoons or his jellies for background noise, calling him by specific pet names but he was prepared each time. wearing around his airpods or headphones and just dismissing them politely.

the skzcode had aired but he wasn’t there when they all watched it together, laughing and mentioning behind the scenes with each other on the couch with snacks being handed off between the seven. he was instead, in his room, headphones on and playing genshin impact with no care in the world.

embarrassment was not a strong enough word for his thoughts and actions. he had to keep telling himself that it was just biology, it all came down to biology.

currently, he was in his room again, snacking while he watched vlogs on youtube, something he never did often but it was in a perspective of a little with their partner somewhere in europe. all of a sudden, felix felt a shift but also a hit to his gut. he stopped the video, analyzing his hands, soft shaking and his heartbeat beating rapidly. he didn’t know who was home at the moment, maybe seungmin, maybe also jisung, but he had dismissed everyone later in that morning and stuck close in his room.

he attempted to try out his breathing techniques but it didn't seem to work. normally, they always worked so why weren’t they working now? he stood up, collecting himself and started to pace around in his room. the panic was starting to hit harder. he pinched at the skin between his index finger and thumb, learning the hack on tiktok but nothing worked. hyperventilating took place and he was now crouched on the ground, soft whimpers and cries.

somehow he managed to stand up, opening his bedroom door harshly and walking out, holding himself and trying to collect himself. his cries weren’t silent but they weren’t all too loud either.

jeongin was sat in the living room, mindlessly scrolling when he heard felix. he tossed his phone softly and stood up, walking over to the hallway and noticing felix in his panic state. “oh my god.” he whispered, quick to go over to felix.

“lixie, what’s wrong? hm?” felix just clung onto jeongin’s waist crying as jeongin petted his head softly. he heard the soft whines of felix as he gripped into his waist harder.

“okay, let’s move over to the couch and we can cuddle and be calm for a little bit, sound good?” jeongin had slowly maneuvered his way over back to the couch with a clingy felix on his waist. he sat down in the corner of the couch, felix following him down to his spot and laying on jeongin. jeongin still felt the shakes and the soft sounds emit from felix’s mouth but rocked slowly and to his best ability. a random tune was being hummed but felix had felt the vibrations from jeongin’s chest, allowing him to ease up.

jeongin knew not to push felix with his questions, knowing he’d only restart the cycle that had just ended. his phone was a few inches away, his fingertips not able to grab it so he could update the group.

with a now steady breathing rhythm, felix was falling asleep on jeongin, arms still clung around his waist and his face smushed a few inches above his caregiver’s belly button. “sun, sun, mister golden sun~,” jeongin sang softly, his hands in felix’s hair, his rings clinking softly.

🐣

when felix woke up, he was in a new room, yet high up in someone’s arms, their shirt off and a soft and gentle laugh emitting from their chest. a blanket was thrown over his head and body, his very own blanket to be exact.

the odds of him being held by hyunjin currently were high, the caregiver finding a new love in skin on skin contact, the caregiver finding it somewhere on a tiktok but it could be anyone else too. he tried to find clues of his members on the chest but nothing gave him hints. no necklace, no freckle or mole. he popped his head up, shifting the blanket and earning a soft coo from his caregiver. “seems someone’s waking up.”

the blanket was removed, revealing chan, or 3racha’s recording studio from home, all three of them inside with hyunjin who was standing and watching. the studio was dim but felix let out a pained cry to which hyunjin apologized and put the blanket back. felix bit his lip softly and pouted softly. he clung to hyunjin, his headspace fuzzy, a teetering feeling between big and little. if he over-thought his feelings and emotions anymore, he’d probably find himself in the same situation again except with four more of his members watching over him. he felt sick, maybe even a little sad and upset.

hyunjin had felt the soft shakes begin again, a telling sign that felix was entering into a panic attack.

when the other members got to the apartment, both jeongin and felix were asleep on the couch. minho had softly nudged jeongin, waking him of their presence while the others dispersed. the rappers walking back out of the apartment and down a few doors to their recording studio and the others finding comfort back into their rooms. hyunjin had gone to change, his room door slightly cracked and it was then when minho knocked slightly and entered with a whining felix in his sleep, dead asleep.

with knowledgeable eyes, hyunjin took felix, knowing their little would appreciate the skinship and upon first contact, felix settled. with a sigh of relief, the caregivers smiled and minho thanked hyunjin, the older caregiver a bit busy with other schedules and stalked off towards his room.

hyunjin had told the rappers he’d join them with a session, just sitting and watching, giving criticism where it was due but really just wanting to be with his members and watch their craft. that’s how he’s now in this situation. felix in a state of panic and his bare skin now with nail dents in his skin.

the sound of felix’s cries were enough for hyunjin to pull off the blanket, throwing it somewhere on the couch and immediately rubbing his back for comfort and looking to the members for a sense of assistance. they had seen felix in and out of his room, for their practices, different schedules but it only felt like brief moments. felix hadn’t dared to show himself in his little form. sometimes making plans with his new friends, and the caregivers only getting word of mouth through his friend’s caregivers.

chan had stopped his track editing, jisung pulled off his headphones and hung them up, walking out of the booth and changbin was right there, next to hyunjin, trying to help both the caregiver and his little.

hyunjin was an emotional individual. he’d cry with others when they cried, cry over fond memories and moments, over silly little things like fresh pastries or being able to use a fresh and new paint palette but he especially felt emotional when his little, when felix shut down and shut everyone out, saddened that their own sun had dimmed.

“he’s not right, he doesn’t- sorry.” hyunjin wiped his soft teardrops.

“what do you mean hyunjin?” it was chan, his leadership role taking over him.

“i feel it, he’s, he needs a doctor, or t-to go to the hospital. please take him to the hospital channie hyung, i can’t bear it.” the instincts through a maternal lense we’re always right. caregivers with a maternal instinct knew everything about their little but on a much more deeper and personal level. hyunjin and minho were able to tell if felix was happy just by the way he feels, if he was tired and gave just the slightest indication that he was tired. they knew when to keep going and when to stop with their littles but also with their caregivers, noticing if a caregiver needed more time with their little, their biology hinting at it or if they had too much time with their little.

hyunjin, a caregiver with a maternal instinct with a peculiar sixth sense, had spoken. their little one needed to go to the hospital, see a doctor, get help. felix was pale, still shaking and crying softly, responsive yet not.

chan was quick to nod, softly taking felix from hyunjin’s arms, the leader watching as the distressed caregiver plopped down onto the couch, crying with his head in his hands and changbin hugging and consoling him.

“jisung. i need you to tell minho, or seungmin, maybe tell them to collect felix’s things into the bag and put them in an an overnight bag, okay? i’ll text you everything. hyunjin, he’ll be okay.”

chan was quick to rush out, speed walking with felix in his arms, kissing and humming anxiously as he walked to the elevator, thankfully close by. he pressed the button, his black boot tapping the marble of the apartment’s floors impatiently. the elevator’s doors opened and thankfully to chan’s luck, he and felix would be the only ones who would occupy the space for the time being.

it wasn’t unlike bang chan to blame himself in every waking situation, sometimes, he wouldn’t but in moments that catered to his members, to his little, he blamed himself. why hadn’t he pushed felix out of his room to join them? why hadn’t he listened to his members when he noticed a shift in their demeanor and yearned for felix. instead he just brushed it off,”felix will come to us when he’s ready.” he should’ve known better.

the elevator doors were quick to open, chan practically running to the front of the doors of the building, noticing felix’s change in weight, slightly more light. felix had fallen back asleep.

when chan got outside he noticed one of the company’s cars waiting. “thank you seungmin.” he was quick to approach, the door being opened for him and the driver was quick to get in the driver’s side and start up the vehicle. without any direction, he was being taken to the hospital, the directions on the gps at the front of the car.

littles could go to normal hospitals per say, though it was wanted by the government that they attend hospitals that cater especially to their needs, where the doctors wouldn’t be as cruel or harsh with their actions and words.

“i’ve already called the hospital, seungmin told me about felix and his medical wellbeing, they should have a stretcher ready.”

chan could only nod, looking down at felix against his baggy t-shirt, his face pale and his freckles slightly lighter, more dull. with a quick approval, chan noticed the group of doctors and nurses ready for the idol yet chan’s heart had shattered ten times over. their driver assisted with the two, helping out chan and guiding them over to the group. the male and female nurses immediately took felix from chan, a loss for words with pain and agony sitting in the bottom of his heart.

“doctor yu seeho, we’ll be taking care of felix for the time being, can you answer some questions?”

🐣

bang chan had answered the questions two hours ago, sitting in the waiting room while he watched the other caregivers watch over their littles. he had updated the group, minho immediately responding that he was on his way just a few minutes ago.

the doors of the er center slid open and minho had paced his way through, accidentally bypassing the receptionist, embarrassingly having to stop and get a pass before officially passing through. he must’ve come quickly from a photoshoot for the new album, his outfit making chan giggle in his chair from his viewing of the window.

“yah! i saw you giggling and smirking.” minho whispered and yelled upon his approach to the pastel blue waiting chairs, hitting chan softly.

“i’m guessing you came from the photoshoot.” chan asked, looking over at his member, all dressed up in a silly little maroon velvet beret, a white button up shirt, a leather arm band and a black glove with black leather pants and some white and black speckled boots.

“no, i had to retake the photos for the photocards because our photographer had deleted them and didn’t back them up on his computers. what are the odds.” minho scoffed, eyes rolling and playing with his pants.

“are you doing okay?” it was minho again, looking at chan who nodded, eyes glued to the white floor.

“how’s hyunjin?” chan asked back. there was a hum in thought from minho. almost as if he was pondering what to say to make the situation lighter, not as stressful.

“he’s okay, i think his lack of caregiving was making him feel worse, but he’ll be okay, he’s at home with the others. they should maybe all be here later, depending.” it was minho’s turn to look at the floor.

the soft sage doors to the hospital rooms opened and a doctor chan remembered talking walked out, a clipboard in hand,”caregivers for lee felix, lee yongbok.” the two caregivers stood, the doctors noticing and smiling.

minho was never one to make physical contact first but he was quick to grab chan’s hand, unsure if it was for grounding himself or chan. they walked over, the doctor initiating a walk and talk. the doors shut behind them and the doctor began.

“good news, felix is okay and will be okay after some more of our medicine, bad news, the news caregivers hate to hear, he had suffered through a lasting panic attack, hence why he seemed dazed and pale, going through all of that while also suffering with what we call ‘caregiver loss’. it’s a scary name but in short, he hasn’t had any contact with his caregivers while he was little, now this is never a blame game but also seems that he also hasn’t fully slipped in weeks. is that correct?”

doctor seeho, had stopped, looking up from his clipboard. “he’s been hiding away, every time we try he looks away and dismisses us, our schedules got busy which doesn’t help the situation but we’ve constantly been trying.” minho quickly answered, chan caressing his thumb over his knuckles.

“ah, he’s stubborn, that’s what i believed too. now, it’s easy to blame caregivers, yourselves, especially in this situation but felix is stubborn, we don’t need to make him little to understand that, it seems he’s been holding onto his bigger self for those two weeks but with loss of contact and added on stress and panic attacks, he landed himself here but like i said, he’s okay, but remember to keep pushing him, pushing is never a bad thing for littles especially if they’re stubborn.” seeho smiled, a relief washing off of both chan and minho’s faces and shoulders.

“he’s just in this room here, i’ll talk with his nurses and i’ll report back with plans for the night.”

“thank you doctor.”

“thank you so much.”

the door was pushed open already and the two caregivers walked through the door, felix was laying down, a new plushie, a shark in his arms and a pacifier slipping from his mouth.

“oh goodness.” it was minho, once again cooing over their little.

they walked in further, closing the door and noticing the lights off and soft cartoons playing on the tv in the corner. felix started to cry and immediately minho rushed over, standing near the bed, his hand on felix’s cheek, watching his baby's eyes open slowly. thankfully they had seemed to take the ivs out of felix’s hand and arms so he wouldn’t have to deal with tangling them up when he picked up felix in his arms.

“mommy’s here, it’s okay our sunshine.” chan walked over, occupying the two but picking up the new shark plushie and the basic pastel yellow pacifier, holding both. minho went to wipe felix’s tears but his glove was too thick to make a real movement, earning a grunt and a pass over to chan.

while chan held felix, he noticed the pale of his skin gone and his freckles brought back to life. minho had taken off his glove, setting it on the tabletop of the doctor’s station and joined chan while leaning against the hospital criblike bed.

“you scared us so bad, so stubborn our felix.” felix’s hands were brought up to chan’s face, his turn to wipe the tears, though his hands were just on his face. “daddy forgives you, it must’ve been so scary, i’ll do better to protect you next time.” chan smiled, collecting both of felix’s hands and kissing them.

felix had been dazed and confused but his caregivers were here now. his soft hands on chan’s face, noticing the smudged eyeliner but he still looked pretty and effortless. minho was dressed up, felix unsure if this was his normal attire or if it was for work but nonetheless, he was here with him. minho’s hand is now back on his cheek, light touches and reminders of calm.

the door to the room was knocked on before the doctor and a nurse walked through. “mister chan and mister lee know, the test results have come back safe and positive, we’ll administer a shot and then a prescription for pickup later, then you three can get out of here.”

the nurse was readying her position, the shot in her left hand and approaching felix who was stuck focusing on chan. minho saw the slight glance over and jumped in quickly, playing with the shark plushie, animating its movements, distracting felix as the nurse rubbed an alcohol pad over the spot and pierced his bicep just slightly. before felix could react the shot was over and done with, felix crying into chan’s shoulder who was laughing and cooing.

“if you three need anything, ask for doctor seeho, i’ll always be happy to help.” the duo walked out, leaving the three. minho was quick to clean up the little mess they had left, the glove going back on his hand and holding his arms out of felix.

the leader passed felix over, watching as felix became oh so shy and bashful. “are you ready to go home?” minho asked softly.

home. home was not only a place but it was also a feeling, an emotion. a mix of emotions that felix had made himself, the perfect and sometimes dangerously awful mix. home was where his members were, watching tv, cooking and playing games with each other. yet home was also where he closed himself off, didn’t eat for days at a time and where he suppressed himself from regression. home meant time with caregivers but also time with the company, their company and their motives. where sometimes it was okay if they unclipped his weeks and wanted to push him into his precious space.

the question was meant to be light and soft, yet felix had zoned out, making soft whines as he cuddled his head into minho’s neck.

“he’s okay, he’s probably just a little homesick, hm?” it was chan again, offering a positive response to felix and his silly little behavior. minho nodded, having to agree with chan just this once because if he didn’t, he’d beat himself up, his biology and wouldn’t be able to sit still until he got down to the problem at hand.

over time, the three eventually walked out of the room, chan holding onto the hospital’s gifts for the little, while minho walked a little bit ahead, holding onto felix tight and showing felix the soft sea animals that decorated the walls, he probably never saw them coming in.

🐣

when the trio arrived back home, felix squirmed to get down, tired of being held and wanting to play with his toys. chan had unlocked the front door, surprised to see the rest of the members huddled together on the couch. minho had let the little one down, already taking his shoes off and watching him crawl towards the couch in the living room, eyes set on a few of his toys. it was silent, felix even noticing and stopping in his tracks to sit on his bum and pout, looking back at minho then to his caregivers on the couch.

“you’re right lixie, it’s too quiet in here.” chan laughed, shutting the door behind him and watching felix decide if he would rather play or be in the comfort of chan’s arms.

“we didn’t want to freak him out.” it was seungmin, somewhere in between hyunjin and changbin, his head poking out to look at chan.

“well, you all seemed to do so anyway.” minho laughed, setting down all of felix’s extra belongings on the counter. felix had seemed to let the quiet not disturb him and his play, crawling to his lilypad and softly making noises.

a lot of the caregivers were now staring at chan and minho, curious eyes but jeongin had his eyes set on felix. “we’ll talk about it later.” chan spoke, the others nodding and letting a sigh of relief wash over them. felix was now crawling towards the big window, smushing his face against the glass and making small “ooo’s' ' at the scenes down below.

“i need to go back to the building but…” minho started, zoning out at the sight of felix, small and pressed against the window, dirtying it. “but, i’ll be back, uh yeah, i’ll be back.” he smiled, a soft smile on his face before he waved himself off and off towards the front door.

felix was in his own world, not paying attention to the conversation that went on behind him, there was a shift in his headspace, a jerk to his body and he was laying on the floor, hands protecting his ears and his head.

“felix?”

“felix, what’s wrong?”

“lix?”

his headspaces were competing with each other, a pain and a loud vibration in his head. his eyes were sealed closed, pressed together to not let the bad monsters get to him. there was movement behind him, he had felt the floorboard under him and the shuffle of house slippers.

when he opened his eyes, he was met with pale green house slippers with the head of pochacco sewn on them. ah, seungmin. “can you lift yourself up, bun?” seungmin asked, wary yet smiling and staring down at him. felix shook his head the best he could. the poor little stunned and frozen in between headspaces. seungmin was quick to look away from felix, nodding to someone behind him.

in an instant, felix was lifted in a bridal style lift, yet awkwardly whoever was lifting him and holding him had his body weird. instead of a full bridal form, he was lifted from his side so he looked to the side instead to the ceiling.

“lix, if you can hear me and can understand me, can you give me a sign?” it was changbin, he was the one holding him. felix let out a whine, although wanting to pinch changbin for his sign. “good, now, this is scary huh? you’re stuck in between headspaces but that’s okay, your caregivers are going to help you out.”

“the doctor said you need to be small so we’re going to push you to be small, no matter how much you don’t want it, it’s safer and best for you if you listen to us and trust us, you know we’ll never do anything you don’t want to do.” it was chan, somewhere behind him, changbin and seungmin.

“first, we’re going to pass you off to hyunjin, mommy and then you’re going to have some skinship and a nap, hm? does that sound okay?” seungmin now asked, bending down slightly to speak to felix. felix didn’t have a choice. it had to be okay for him. they wouldn’t not let him have it any other way and yes, it frustrated him. he didn’t want this to be bothersome.

changbin turned, felix now facing the others, soft smiles, sad smiles and reassuring smiles and he hated it. he hated it so bad. the noise of an upcoming cry began but he had no tears to spill. they were accommodating him and yet, he hated it.

felix noticed hyunjin in his sight, already ready, felix’s blankie already draped over him and his phone in his hand. changbin walked over, closer to the couch, and the others got to work, tugging off felix’s hoodie, shirt and socks, earning a whimper from felix. “shh, no whimpering our sun, we’re taking care of you.”

he was cold. he felt so out of his head and he hated it. he was handed off to hyunjin, who quickly made his notice to coddle and warm up felix, draping his blanket over him and pressing him close to his chest. felix’s dry sobs were muffled by the barrier of the blanket but the caregivers were still able to feel it, to hear him and see his body shake.

the living room was quiet, felix managing to calm himself down and give into the skinship despite his worries. everyone was in the living room or nearby, jeongin in the kitchen preparing something light and small for felix. the television was on, the volume on low, a random show on the screen. the caregivers were watching hyunjin with felix, little bits and pieces of them healing alongside felix.

chan was sitting at the kitchen table, reading over documents from the hospital. they all seemed to be normal, healthy despite the notes of the incident. he read each word carefully, flipping the pages until he stopped when he read the doctor’s notes. in big bold lettering it read, felix needs to finalize a headspace. he seems to be all over the place which makes him feel out of control. narrow him down to two, one younger and the other one a bit older.

quickly chan got out his phone, opening to the notes and jotting this down for felix’s therapist, for their big meeting that would happen later. he stared down at the papers then glanced back to the couch. he’d have to find a time to talk to all of them, despite felix.

jeongin had walked from the kitchen over to the couch, sitting right next to hyunjin. chan watched the two interact, a soft smile on his face. jeongin had a small bottle in his hand, tinted the lightest color of pink on the inside. medicine. hyunjin pulled back the blanket draped over felix’s face, cooing a bit too loud at the sight of felix sleeping. although jeongin’s face felt defeated, hyunjin didn’t let the youngest member’s efforts go to waste, taking the bottle from jeongin’s hand. with the same hand of the bottle, he took his index finger and tapped felix’s lips in an effort of getting them to part. after a few seconds, felix parted and the bottle’s nipple was slipped inside.

“thank you yeni.” hyunjin whispered, nudging himself towards jeongin. it was silent once again until there was a vibration somewhere on the couch. everyone held their phones or had them nearby. with curious eyes everyone checked their phones but they weren’t the signs of the buzzing. jisung was sitting to the pile of felix’s clothes and immediately started looking through them, surprised when he felt it and saw the caller id.

gyu 🧸
mobile

“it’s beomgyu.”

“here, i’ll answer.”

with the phone passed to seungmin, the caregiver was quick to answer. “hello beomgyu, how are you?” the caregivers watched, only able to read seungmin’s expressions.

“okay, okay, calm down, yes, let’s breathe, remember to breathe slowly, good gyu.” seungmin was now standing, a hand on his hip. soon he was pacing, chan watching with quick eyes.

“yes, he’s okay, he’s with us right now, there’s no need to worry, okay? thank you for checking in on him, you’re a good friend.” there was a few hums and nonverbal expressions from seungmin before the call ended.

“now, what was THAT about?” it was changbin, piping up and staring at seungmin.

“beomgyu was checking in on felix. supposedly he knew about felix not wanting to slip and told me he did his best to even let him slip with his caregivers, that didn’t work. he also said he and yunjin are at fault for letting it breeze by them, they didn’t mean to make him go to the hospital, which he found out from twitter.”

“oh that poor baby, he thinks it’s all his fault.” jisung pouted.

“at least he and yunjin tried to help, it’s nice to know he’s stubborn enough to not even slip for his friends.” changbin spoke. the others nodded.

“wait, you said twitter? he found out from twitter?” chan asked, getting up from the table and checking his phone. “everything’s on that damn app nowadays, are we even suprised?” hyunjin scowled, holding felix tighter. the pressure of hyunjin’s hold made felix stir, softly blinking awake and whining at the lack of light due to the coverage of the blanket.

jeongin softly pulled back the blanket, smiling at their little, dazed and confused. “hello angel.” the shyness in felix’s personality took over and he quickly tried to hide his head in hyunjin’s chest.

Chapter Text

hi friends…

recently there was a comment left on one of my chapters that wasn’t polite. the  comment the user/reader at the time made critiqued me and my chapter for sexualizing the boys.

this fic is a non sexual agere fic. overall and never will be a sexual fic. i add in and incorporate feminine aspects into some of the members to show a maternal relationship instead of having an all paternal relationship between the members and felix. 

i never ever would i want to sexualize my boys and im sorry to the readers if i made you uncomfortable within that specific chapter by giving some of the members “feminine” clothes, in my mind clothes have no gender. this chapter was in no way shape or form to sexualize any of the members !! in my little made up world (as well as this world too) it’s normal for clothing to have no gender but maybe it was my fault for not sharing that small detail. 

i had never even imagined i’d have to comment back, delete comments and block a user for criticizing not only my writing but also attack myself as the writer too. especially reading comments is what makes me work harder on my chapters, i love seeing all the praise and the excitement, i swear i’m always looking, i see it all !! writing is my favorite thing to do, writing this specific fic is one of my favorite things to do so seeing something like that really bummed me out. (sorry for the dramatics).

i understand this fic is not for everyone but there’s no need to comment such hostile and rude things on a fic, clearly you don’t enjoy or agree with. i understand views and preferences are different but i want everyone to mind that this is indeed a nonfiction fanfic of the kids. if you don’t enjoy my fic there’s so many more you can explore under the tags but also writers can’t stress this enough… please read tags !! 

once again i apologize if it did come of as sexualizing a member, i swear it’s never in my heart to do that to anyone i know personally or with idols included.

i hate to be like this and give a false update but i had a chapter in the works but that comment has really set me back, though i’ll really try to update as quick as i can.

sorry for the slight scolding, i really didn’t mean to make it come off this way but i really wanted to address this because it’s been bothering me since.

if i’ve ever written anything uncomfortable im always happy to rewrite and change a chapter but writing a comment that’s nice and helpful rather than hostile and negative really does so much.

sorry again.

<3

Chapter Text

not an update,,

im sorry (but im off two days of work, so i’ll work hard) !! i really appreciated the kind words everyone commented to me and i really wanted to have a space for us to be together without it i don’t know… just hard to discuss due to timing and inconvenience ?? so ive created a twitter account where i hope to make chapter update news and talk to you guys if you want ofc. this goes for all my stories. id love to hear/see feedback there, really, i want it to be a place for you all, not just me. is that silly?

it’s SANRIOLIXlE on twitter,, the second “i” in lixie is a lowercase “L”. id love to have a platform where we can interact because i really do appreciate every single one of you. i don’t care if that’s cheesy, it’s real. you guys really make me smile and feel better on my dullest days. im getting emotional already… blahblah but if you want, feel free to follow, i’ll follow you back, don’t worry.

anyways, for now wait just a bit longer, i have a few more words i want to write before i hit my goal and post.

ily all !! thank you.

Chapter Text

🐣

by the time minho got home, felix had woken up. up and awake crawling in the living room with a small baby gate put up in between the couch’s edge and the stand of the television. jisung was in the confines of the baby gate too, sitting on the floor and rearranging toys in felix’s toy bins while an ocean documentary played as background noise. 

“what’s all of this?” minho asked, slipping off his shoes and replacing them with house slippers, black kuromi slippers, courtesy of seungmin. the caregiver maneuvered his way over the low gate, smiling when he heard felix’s giggles and noises of excitement.

“jeongin’s preparing a bath and the others are off doing what they do. how was work, your new photocard prints?” jisung asked, a toy shark in his hand, staring at the caregiver. minho nodded, no true answer but jisung understood. minho needed time with felix, especially time with him outside the hospital visit. he was quick to silence himself, back to organizing when he saw minho smile at felix crawling towards him. a soft smile along with a soft pastel pink hello kitty overalls and a white hoodie underneath. they had changed him from the hospital. out of the rich smells of hospital and into his own scent, the softest vanilla and lavender. minho collected felix in his arms, blowing raspberries in his cheeks and healing at the sound of his laughter.

a vibration from jisung’s pocket caught him off guard from the scene, removing himself from the baby proofed living room and answering the phone call. 

“oh my kitty, you scared me so much.” minho whispered, his right hand caressing felix’s face, his plump cheeks and his glittering freckles. “you’re my baby, always my baby.” minho smiled, choking down the tears and holding felix tight. 

jeongin appeared from the bathroom, his outfit changed too, more athletic clothing, a tank top and basketball black shorts, ready to bathe felix. “hey hanji where’s that one jellyfish to-, oh, hi lino hyung.”

“hello maknae,” minho was quick to devilishly smile, standing up with felix. “is it bath time for this little one?” minho asked, standing up with felix and walking towards jeongin, felix just babbling and playing with lino’s cheeks. 

“it is, it is.” jeongin smiled, felix being passed off above the baby gate and politely taking his leave of absence. it was close to dinner but minho hadn’t planned to cook, if he hadn’t been so stressed with felix, he would’ve stopped by the grocery to pick up a few items to cook a lovely and warm meal for his members but his heartstrings were too attached, he needed felix. with a moment of contemplation, minho walked off to the bathroom. noticing the slight crack in the bathroom door and the sounds of water splashing and the soft sounds of toys falling into the water. 

he poked his head in, heart immediately swelling at felix, laid in the bathing bassinet, a cloth covering his lower body as jeongin sat next to the tub, making soothing mouth noises and washing felix gently. felix held an otter toy in his hand, softly dozing off as jeongin got to work, washing his hair and his body. 

“he’s had a day.” minho spoked, stepping into the bathroom and kneeling next to jeongin. the youngest made room, observing minho and his trace on felix.

“sure but you’ve also had a day. acknowledge that. please.” jeongin pleaded, only whispering the last part, filling up the blue whale cup and pouring it over felix. minho was silent, hands in his lap. once again, there was silence. minho stood up, excusing himself from the duo and out of the bathroom, into the apartment.  

with time, jeongin worked to finish quickly. rinsing off felix one last time before unplugging the tub and watching the water drain. he had alway told himself, he was never a fan of skinship, cuddles, hugs, little kisses, hand holding and well anything that involved skin to skin contact until felix arrived in his life. that day, his world turned and he didn’t mind felix holding on his fingers or when it moved to his whole hand and suddenly the little one was cuddling him while he heard the rest of his members groaning and whining because, “ how come felix can and they can’t ?”

slowly felix was lifted by jeongin, safe in his warm and fluffy brown puppy towel, the hood keeping him safe from the harsh lighting of the bathroom and out in the corridor. 

jeongin didn’t know what he liked so much about bathing felix. maybe it was because he could see the little relax into a gentler headspace, one that wasn’t so harsh and demanding, or maybe it was watching felix give up his regular headspace and entrusting jeongin to take care of him with him in it. though it could be many things like watching the excitement of the little in the water, watching felix splash around despite jeongin tsking at him to play gently and watching his imagination blossom after so much time of repressing it. 

felix still held the otter toy in his hand, fingers just lightly grasping at it, wary of the idea of it falling. it wasn’t time for the members of the apartment to settle down, the sun was slowly saying her goodbyes, drifting down and away between the fluff of clouds.

jeongin was just walking around with felix in his arms, holding him, loving him and admiring him. giving everything he needed but didn’t want to tell he needed. with slow steps he was out in the living room, kissing felix’s cheeks when he noticed minho standing on the balcony. his head ducked down in between his shoulder blades, leaning against the railing. immediate worry coursed through jeongin, his brain now feeling scattered as he tried to find the pop up crib he knew jisung had put up. eyes scattered the mess of a living room before finding the top of the sage green railing behind the couch. gentle steps made way across the hardwood and over behind the couch, laying felix down inside before he swiped off his hands on his shorts, dodging the toys and books scattered on the floor, careful not to step on a toy that’d wake felix. the member walked to the balcony sliding glass door, tapping on it softly, noticing the slight gleam on minho’s face as he was quick to wipe his tears with his hands, welcoming jeongin out.

“what’s wrong.” jeongin made it short and blunt. minho could find a loophole or a scapegoat in any conversation that regarded his feelings or emotions, he was clever in that sense, pushing his intimidating aura out to the world and his members but breaking down when it got to much, showing his true self. 

“my brain, m-ugh. it’s the caregiver brain. my maternal instincts are going crazy right now.” minho spoke, facing out towards the buildings that surrounded them in this skyline. jeongin hummed, acknowledging he understood… partially but allowing for minho to keep speaking if he needed or wanted to.

“i- seeing felix in a hospital bed gave my body the worst chills, the worst feeling. he was there and we were working, you know how terrible that is to feel? we’re supposed to take care of him but how can we do that when he’s so uncomfortable with us and himself that he doesn’t want it anymore...instead he tells his friends.” jeongin thought for a moment, looking over to note minho’s expressions. he was done talking now.

“don’t you think it’s easier for him to go to his friends, to other littles to talk? sure he has his therapist and us but other littles also have their own headspace and mindsets that we as caregivers, or neutrals can’t understand fully. it’s like you with your instinct, it’s hard to explain to everyone except for hyunjin because you two can relate. i don’t believe he’s uncomfortable but he’s been repressed for so long that it’s still all so new. he’s unsure and i think that’s okay, hm?” the younger got closer to minho, a watchful eye before side hugging minho, a gentle arm rubbing up and down his arm. 

“when did you get so big, thank you,” minho smiled, a straggling tear slipping down onto the cool black metal of the railing. “i just needed that reminder.” the two caregivers stood for a long moment, taking in the atmosphere before the sliding glass door opened causing the two to turn around. it was seungmin, holding felix still in his towel.

“he started crying.” seungmin smiled, bouncing a now content felix, still holding onto his otter toy. “ah, sorry seungminnie, i’ll take him and get him dressed, thanks.” jeongin smiled, taking felix in his arms and stepping back into the living room, wandering off to felix’s room.

minho joined silently, shutting the sliding door behind him and moving past seungmin. once again, there was silence, looming over the apartment. 

jeongin and felix were in felix’s room, the caregiver picking and choosing felix’s night time outfit. the little sound asleep on his bed. jeongin pulled together a soft outfit, a blue pochacco shirt and some baggy, slightly oversized gray sweatpants. from the movement of jeongin putting on felix’s outfit, the little woke up, eyes blinking in a haze and then a soft smile forming. 

“crawl or hold, baby sunshine?” jeongin asked, peering down at felix whose head now tilted. felix squealed in excitement. jeongin couldn’t catch a clear answer from the little so he picked up felix, before setting him down on the floors, watching felix crawl out of his own room and down the corridor, jeongin following slowly behind. felix was a speedy little crawler, already arriving at the baby gate in the living room, grasping and pulling at the white mesh in urgency.

hyunjin had emerged somewhere from the other corridor, giggling softly at the urgent little, sitting on his bum and whining at the blocked area. felix squealed loudly, even louder when he was lifted up and over the gate by hyunjin. with a few scattering kisses, hyunjin put down felix, watching him crawl over to a few figurines and a small and pastel colored dollhouse. 

hyunjin sat on the floor, his back resting by the edge of the couch, watching felix play by himself. one by one the others emerged from their rooms, changed and comfortable, joining the two in the living room. 

“can i suggest something?” it was minho, speaking from the very edge of the couch, jisung’s hair being played with by his fingers. “anything.” it was chan, nodding towards minho, smiling from the other side of the couch, legs crossed and eyes mindful of the playing little. 

“you know when we first debuted and we made our megabed in our old dorm? i was wondering if maybe we can do that tonight or soon. even watch a movie and eat in. i think that’ll help me, us, heal just a bit.” the fingers in jisung’s hair, hesitating to move until there was a direct answer. 

“let’s do it.” it was seungmin speaking now, taking initiative in the suggestion. then there were a chorus of nods of approval, and his fingers began again. 

“changbin and i will get the beds, and the living room spread out, we can use mine and changbin’s and…”

“mine, you can use mine.” jisung smiled, sitting up slightly from where he was leaning on minho. “who wants to get the food?” ah, the dreaded task. 

“i, hyunjin and felix can go, i want to take him out when he’s little, so he’s more aware, anyone else is free to join too.” 

“okay, let’s begin.”

🐣

felix was now being held by hyunjin, a coat covering both of them while minho and seungmin took charge of the front. the four were now on the streets, off to pick up their takeout from too many restaurants. felix looked oh so small, a pacifier between his lips and his eyes big and doe eyed. he had cried before they left, while seungmin helped put shoes on him. 

“aigoo, you poor baby, just some slip ons, that’s all my precious kitty.” seungmin cooed, putting on felix’s white vans on his feet, easy to put on and easy to take off but felix was cranky. the poor baby had been taken away from his toys and he was sure to show that he was upset about it. 

they had slipped in felix’s pacifier, the light gray one and he was okay again. tucked in hyunjin’s arms and surrounded by both of his mommies and his puppy. if a stranger passed them, he’d shy away, finding safety in hyunjin’s neck, whining but then being okay after hyunjin kissed his nose. 

the streets weren’t as crowded as the group imagined. there were many people out drinking, trying to get home but not many. the cars in the street passed every so often, along with the buses. the night was chilly, the smell of rain blowing in the air as the four walked. only minho had brought an umbrella just in case. the forecast had called for rain in the next hour. the four were hopeful they’d miss it.

felix was whining softly, now understanding that when he whined he got rewarded. “you’re okay little star, just a few blocks more.” hyunjin softly reminded, turning with the two in the front down a street with a semi-full crowd. their chicken restaurant was just at the other end of the street. bypassing other caregivers and neutrals on their nights out with friends. 

“wan’ daddy.” felix lisped around the pacifier. hyunjin knew felix was upset, overwhelmed with the crowded chaos. his daddies, chan and changbin showed and proved they’d stop at nothing to protect felix. they all would, but felix was associating chan and changbin with their muscles, and muscles meant strong. 

“we’ll see them in just a bit, okay?” minho stopped walking in the front, veering towards the back with hyunjin and felix, rubbing at felix’s back. minho didn’t need to read felix’s facial expressions to know a tantrum was coming. he felt the bittered tinge. 

felix was now becoming restless in hyunjin’s arms, squirming and throwing himself around. his pained cries did nothing for him, the three caregivers ignoring his cries and walking towards the shop. 

“ ‘ommy.” felix cried into hyunjin’s neck, his pacifier luckily clipped to his shirt but falling out of his mouth. he managed a small, ever so little scream of protest, squirming again, but hyunjin didn’t care for it. he knew felix’s tactics and ways of getting what he wanted and this time, he wasn’t going to fall for it. 

“seems our star is so small, so whiny.” the trio laughed. 

🐣

back home, chan and changbin were carrying out beds while jisung and jeongin, sorted out snacks into bowls and warm blankets onto the beds. “what did the doctor say?” jisung asked, two small white bowls of chips in his arms. 

chan stopped in his tracks, helping changbin put down the bed before standing up. “felix, suffered through a lasting panic attack and while he was going through all of that he was also suffering with what the doctor’s called ‘caregiver loss’. they said it’s a scary name, off putting but in short, he hasn’t had any contact with us while he slipped or was little. in easier terms, he hadn’t slipped in weeks and also never made contact with us while he was small which then resulted in this incident. they gave us medicine but for the time being, he needs to be small or if he’s big, given the choice or option to slip. what he was doing to himself wasn’t healthy.” chan explained, hands on his hips and looking at the other caregivers, reading their expressions and sighing. they got back to work, all four of them in their own headspaces for the time being. 

the four finished quickly, all of them gathering and already cuddling on the beds, scanning and searching for something to watch on the television for the time being. 

a crack of lightning struck from the sky, jisung jumping slightly. “i never heard the raindrops…” suddenly a loud pitter patter of drops hit the windows of the apartment. 

“do you think they’ll be ok-.” immediately the front door opened, the answer to jeongin’s question now answered as he saw the four, crowded in the apartment’s corridor. felix was screaming, crying in hyunjin’s arms but seungmin had the plastic bags of food. hyunjin was bouncing the little but he was too upset, at the moment to take a breath. 

chan separated from the cuddle puddle, standing up and making his way to the other four. soon the others dispersed, hyunjin handing felix off to chan, the little crying for chan while the others prepared plates. 

“see, daddy’s got you, no scary storm will get us, i promise.” felix was starting to calm down, flushed out pink cheeks and a pink nose to match and tear stains decorated his face. hyunjin came back over to where chan was standing, by the front corridor, a baby wipe in his hand and soon wiping felix’s face despite his huffs. there was one last kiss on felix’s face, hyunjin taking in this moment, the new smell of baby now on felix’s face. 

minho and seungmin stood in the kitchen, preparing plates and unboxing the food, handing off plates and needed utensils to their members. the sound of the rain was being muted due to the conversations and noise of the television. chan was the last to grab a plate, felix on his left side of his hip, tucked away softly. the little was now silent, half asleep and half awake. he grabbed a little extra food, unsure if felix would want to eat solids or not. the caregiver walked into the living room where his members were sitting either on the couch or on the beds, eating with soft discussions.

he wasn’t sure who had brought in the highchair, a new one with subtle ocean designs on the sides and in color but he handed his plate off to jeongin, the member noticing the struggle and sat felix down in the highchair, strapping him in and putting the light blue tray on. felix sat slightly higher up than those on the couch and especially to those on the beds on the floor. he was awake now, the skinship absence present and a pout on his face towards chan, sitting right next to him on the other edge of the couch. 

he was kicking his feet, bouncing in his chair and squealing. he had leaned over, peering down at the caregiver below him, jisung. he squealed even louder, his kicks more aggressive when seeing that his jellyfish friend was below him. 

“felix, inside voices please.” minho reminded, watching the interaction. that reminder ended with felix screaming in excitement again. minho was quick to scoff, staring at felix in disbelief. naughty little thing. chan was quick to tear off pieces of chicken, putting the little pieces on his highchair table. quickly the distracted little indulged. 

“ah!” hyunjin was quick to move from his spot, setting his plate down and moving towards the kitchen. everyone was watching felix, happy he was eating well. jisung was staring up, making eye contact with felix who was quick to hand off his squeezed chicken. “no no bubs, that’s yours. quokka has his own.” felix insisted, pushing his hand out once again, upset at jisung. the caregiver took the chicken from felix’s hand, watching the little get distracted and putting the chicken back on the blue highchair table. 

hyunjin came running back in with a sippy cup full of watered down lychee juice in the cup. he handed it off to jeongin, who handed it to seungmin who then handed it to jisung who placed it on top of the tray. felix hummed, grabbing for the sippy cup, a nonverbal thank you. “you’re so welcome baby.”

the family of eight got back to eating, felix occasionally making noises to grab attention of his caregivers, almost as if he was making sure he was still being paid attention to. the little had eaten all chan had given him so that only meant he would grab for other’s plates. most of the plates were empty except for seungmin’s. “want.” felix whined, pointing to seungmin’s plate. his caregivers were busy talking amongst themselves to hear his whine. he sat back with a frown, using his sippy cup as a soother. if he could lean far enough over, he could pull chan’s shirt but he stayed still, a pout on his face as he took long sips from his sippy cup. the television was on, old stray kids stages in the background. the members had noticed felix liked to watch himself, old vlogs, old stages. he also enjoyed trying to understand how his caregivers were on the screen and yet still next to him. the little had zoned out, watching the superboard music video while his caregivers stopped in their conversation.

“he’s so cute.” 

“so fucking cute.”

without realizing it felix was making soft kitten noises, copying the lyrics from the music video. he was still holding his sippy cup, meowing softly before his tray was taken off by jeongin. his eyes still hyper fixated on the screen as he was taken out. 

felix had already had a bath, eaten dinner so now it was time to just play and relax for the night. changbin and  jisung were in the kitchen, cleaning up while minho, hyunjin and seungmin did a quick change of clothes. 

“is that what a kitty says baby?” jeongin asked, drawing felix’s attention back onto him. the little meowed softly, causing the caregiver to smile widely and laugh softly. jeongin took the sippy cup from felix, walking the duo into the kitchen. jeongin handed off the sloppery sippy cup to jisung, thanking him before leaning against the countertop with felix on his front.  

“lixie, did you know mommy meows too?” changbin laughed, drying off utensils. minho had stepped out of his room, making his way into the packed kitchen. he didn’t understand what changbin was saying but he heard mommy and meow. in the same sentence so it was definitely a good sentence. “only to my babies.” minho smiled, kissing felix on his temple. there was a shy blush that spread across felix’s cheeks. 

oh, how he was so loved. 

🐣

the eight were now in the living room. out of options chan had chosen for felix’s movie nights, the little had picked ponyo. he was only half engaged, playing with his toys between changbin’s legs and staring up at the screen. the eight were all compiled in the living room, minho’s idea of a mega bed taking up the entire room. 

they had got felix ready for bed before the movie started, knowing he would fall asleep during. 

“felix, say cheeseee.” jisung smiled, showing his teeth. changbin was holding felix, his back against the bathroom’s sink countertops. felix was looking at jisung, the big doe eyes making a return. “cheese felix. smile for hanji.” changbin bounced felix. the duo didn’t want to pry open felix’s mouth to brush his teeth but it was starting to feel like it was the only option.

there was a small crack of a smile from felix and jisung was quick with brushing. the little squirmed in changbin’s arms, now fussy and unhappy. jisung was quick with finishing, setting down the bubblegum toothpaste and the green and blue pororo toothbrush. seungmin had been the genius to buy the little a toothpaste that was okay if ingested. felix was now crying, unhappy with both changbin and jisung. “oh, we’re so sorry sunshine.” 

they cleaned up the spot in the bathroom, walking out of the bathroom together, felix crying.

the little one had stopped playing with his toys, crawling out from changbin’s legs and towards maknae who was on his phone. he was crawling on top of his caregivers, changbin, seungmin and hyunjin not caring about their groans and moans of pain, he wanted his little fox friend. he eventually got to jeongin, falling face first into his chest. “hello sunshine.” jeongin smiled, dropping his phone and petting felix’s hair.

immediately the little dismissed jeongin, now eyes focused on the phone. he grabbed jeongin’s phone, opening the camera app immediately. “oh our silly sunshine.” felix was sucking on his pacifier and screamed after taking a picture of himself. 

“felix, you need to remember our inside voices.” minho reminded, laying down in between hyunjin and jisung on his phone. felix would never remember inside voices.

another clap of thunder hit and felix was quick to whine, slowly getting closer to jeongin. “i’ll protect you, don’t worry.” jeongin smiled, opening his arms for felix to fall into. it was about that time when they’d lay felix down for bedtime. most nights he’d welcome sleep but on a rare occasion he’d fight back, this being one of the nights. 

the little still sat, pouting and pointing at ponyo playing in the background. “you can still watch it, don’t worry but let’s lay down and hide from the storm, yeah?” jeongin insisted, arms still opening and grinning when felix laid down, right into his arms. 

“our innie is too clever.” chan giggled, at the far edge of the mega bed. either everyone was asleep or on their phones getting ready for the sleep to come to them. within a few seconds and after a few caresses, felix fell asleep, jeongin noticing the light breathing come from felix. 

the lights had been out, all except for the fairy lights they had hung around the living room, a simple way to keep light without keeping the microwave light on all the time or buying multiple nightlights. jeongin had looked around, noticing a few of the dimmed phone screens. he didn’t want to speak, just in case he woke up felix or his members but he did instead,”i’m glad we did this.”

it came out as a soft spoken sentence but he got a few sleepy hums in agreement. “me too,” it was minho, “thank you for everyone’s help and support today, truly couldn’t have done it without everyone.” 

jeongin knew a bit of that sentence was directed at him, from his help on the balcony but he could only smile. caregiving was a tough job, a tough biology but with the right people by their side and a little, it made the job a whole lot easier, more manageable. they all brought something different to the table which gained a stronger, more positive and protective environment for everyone caregiving and to felix as the little. they had brought felix seven different ways to be loved and felix had shown them each, different ways to be loved back.

they had their happiest days but they had also had their shittiest of days, either with themselves or with felix yet they always seemed to come out of it.

they’d have to go back on schedule soon and hopefully felix would be able to feel comfortable with himself again and understand that his caregivers are pushing him for a reason. 

Chapter Text

when felix woke up the next morning, he was crammed in between jeongin and seungmin. he remembers a few moments from the night before but everything had just seemed to be a blur. he stretched, politely doing his best to not wake up jeongin by accidentally punching him. when he sat up in his spot, after rubbing his face he noticed all of them in one mega bed. the twinkle of the fairy lights above them dimmed and the television played the opening credits of ponyo.

“sunshine, come lay back down with innie.” it was jeongin, half asleep and beckoning for felix to lay back down with him. the loss of skinship annoyed the sleepy fox. felix hummed, having no urge to alert jeongin that he was big so he laid back down, cuddling into jeongin while the maknae held onto him tightly and played with his hair. sleepily jeongin kissed felix’s forehead and dozed off again. 

the action making felix immediately blush.  he got a kiss from innie, haha.  the warmth in between his friends was enough to lull him back asleep, shutting his eyes for just a brief moment before sleep took him away. 

🐣

next time he was awake, he was being woken up with a gentle hand and a few caresses on his cheek. “sunshine, let’s get up and get ready for the day.” it was jeongin once again but the blonde couldn’t open his eyes. he was comfortable, cozy and warm. another hand was now playing with his hair,” c’mon felix, i know it’s hard but let’s wake up so we can start our day.”

ugh. they had schedules again today, a day packed and felix wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stay big enough for the entire day.  were they relying on him being big? being small?  he felt the frown form on his face and his eyes squeezed closer together.

“oh, lixie, whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay, let go.” it was chan, it had been chan who caressed his face alongside jeongin. the boy opened his eyes, frowning upon seeing chan with a soft smile. tears had formed and had fallen, the sound of them hitting the blanket underneath him, a shock. he inhaled quickly but jeongin was hugging him, back to caressing and calming him down while chan served as a support,”it’s scary, yeah?”

felix only nodded, sitting up, mumbling an apology to jeongin and immediately hugging chan. it was an awkward position, jeongin still lying and chan sitting just beside yet in front of jeongin’s feet. “let’s eat some breakfast, get some food into you and then we can figure out your headspace.” chan suggested, rubbing felix’s back, the blonde nodding. jeongin sat up this time, his back leaning against the couch, watching the two aussies. 

felix had felt himself in the in-between. he was big yet small and it was making him uncomfortable. chan let go of felix, standing up now and holding his hand out. cautiously, felix took his hand, his small one wrapping around chan’s big hand, and stood up too with a wobble. chan didn’t praise him, instead gleamed at felix slowly starting to walk with felix towards the dinner table where a few members sat, finishing up their breakfast. breakfast had been nothing special for the other members, cereal, protein bars, eggs, hard or boiled, oatmeal, minho hadn’t planned for breakfast. 

chan sat felix down gently, patting his hair before leaving to set up felix’s meal. when felix glanced up, he noticed hyunjin and jisung looking at him with protective and caring eyes from their spots at the table. the blonde inhaled again, his exhale only pushing out more soft glittery tears. felix tried to hide his tears, wiping them out of his way with his arms but he was failing. “oh my star, do you want to sit next to me? on me?” hyunjin asked, pushing his yogurt parfait out of the way and standing to help felix prepare his decision. the questions only made felix cry more, stuck in his spot with his head in his arms.

when felix cried, the world cried too. 

chan was quick to come back, a bowl of cinnamon oatmeal in one of felix’s sanrio bowls, pochacco with a green accent around the rim with a few pieces of fruit layered on the top. he slid it in front of felix but was quick to leave, forgetting his own need to get ready. “oh, so small.” felix heard jisung whisper and the urge to correct him was right on his tongue. he wasn’t small.

his bowl was pushed to the other side of the table, near hyunjin and jisung. hyunjin was still standing and jisung still sitting. felix was lifted into the air by someone and handed off to hyunjin. more tears erupted.

“no no, not small, not small.” felix cried, hyunjin now taking his seat back but with felix in his lap. 

“gosh, he forgot a spoon.” jisung noticed, standing up and taking a leave. 

“you must be somewhere in between, hm?” hyunjin hummed, looking at felix who had become lax in hyunjin’s arms. the caregiver earned no response, instead thanking jisung for the keroppi spoon before he also left. “let’s eat and we can decide what to do with you.”

hyunjin offered felix the spoon, the blonde taking it lightly. though felix hesitated at first, he put the metal into the bowl, caught a few blueberries in his spoon, and started eating by himself. hyunjin didn’t praise or coo, instead also eating but with felix on his lap. the caregiver ate from his bowl too, holding felix carefully on his lap and finishing way before felix.

felix pushed his bowl aside, with more than a few bites left. “get ready.” felix mumbled, pushing off hyunjin standing up from his lap and attempting to walk to his room. hyunjin watched the blonde stutter in his steps down the hallway.

felix pushed open his bedroom door, standing and looking blankly at his room. it had been a while since he slept in his room. his sheets and blankets on his bed were unmade. his plushies either on the floor or in his bed, upside down or on their side. his fairy lights were dim, the battery that powered them dying slowly and softly. he had left them on when he had his panic attack. he moved into his room, face unamused as he walked over to his drawers. pulling at the black handle, out towards him, and finding a selection of sweatpants. if he went to light or pastel, they’d know he was little. if he went too dark, like black or a darker gray, they’d know he was big. yet, he was in the in-between. he sucked in a breath, biting his lip. he pulled out a darker pastel blue pair of sweatpants. somewhere right in the in-between. 

he moved over to his closet, after switching into his sweatpants. without hesitation he grabbed a random white shirt, somewhere in the dance practice section of his closet. he put it on, walking over to his makeshift vanity on his desk. sitting down softly in his gaming chair and looking at himself in his desk mirror. 

he looked fine. the bags under his eyes were fading, thankfully. there was a knock on his door. it opened and it was seungmin, smiling and holding a glass of water and a pill bottle. “take this medicine before we leave.” felix stood up, his body on autopilot, taking the pill, small and a weird soft green color, putting it in his mouth and swallowing it down with the water. 

“thank you lixie, are you ready? have everything?” seungmin asked, the glass in his left hand and his right hand extended. felix looked around his room. he guesses he does. the blonde was unsure of the schedule today but he was sure his members would have his belongings if he didn’t. 

🐣

felix expected for a dance practice, for his members and himself to be stuck at the building for hours upon hours. he had dressed for a dance practice, perfectly disassembled in hopes of being reassembled but here he was, therapist’s office and he was drastically underdressed compared to his members. oh, the embarrassment. 

he had been out of it when they arrived to the office. he hadn’t been to hye suni’s office building. the white tall skyscraper of a building. the van had dropped them off and felix didn’t notice the difference in scenery, with all of his members crowding him and with extra security around, he just followed seungmin’s lead into the building. the van was talkative on his way to the building but he had put on his headphones, grounding himself from his own self-made tension this morning. they had piled into the elevator, felix taking his headphones off and enclosed between hyunjin and jeongin. it wasn’t until he felt his anxiety building that he noticed everyone’s outfits… not dance practice outfits. looking down at his scuffed black air jordan’s and holding a bubble in his mouth. 

a ‘ping’ alerted his subconscious. the silver doors of the elevator opened and chan walked off first, filing everyone out and towards the left of the hall. with the bubble still held in his mouth, felix got off last. “you doing okay, lix?” chan asked, side hugging felix, a question of genuine worry. truthfully, he didn’t know. he felt okay earlier but now, he felt something, and it was all off. by the time felix was about to respond, changbin had made it to hye suni’s door, white and with big gold lettering. a small doorbell on the right was rung and felix knew then, that it wasn’t enough time to run, instead, he needed to brace himself. 

the door opened and felix’s therapist whom he had been talking to online for such a long time was revealed. it felt different to felix for so many reasons, yet to his members it just felt like a first greeting. hye suni held so many secrets and feelings that felix projected and told her about, she was like a good childhood friend who he hadn’t seen in years. “good morning stray kids, good morning bang chan, lee minho, se-.” she was greeting every single one of them, walking up to them and bowing. felix had floated off again. 

there was squeeze to his shoulder,  chan.  “he’s been feeling a little all over the place, sorry about that.”  what? what did he miss? 

“that’s quite alright, please come inside.” suni smiled, opening the door wider for the members to step inside. felix had heard murmurs of how beautiful her office was, but the pinch stunned him. chan had let him go and walked into the office deeper with his members, yet felix was still taking off his shoes but suni had stayed back with him. 

“hello little chick, how are we feeling today and be honest, i am your therapist after all, i’ll know everything eventually.” felix was taking off his left shoe when he clumsily bowed towards suni,”icky? is that stupid? i feel so out of place and too much uh, what’s the word?”

“tension?” felix was quick to hum at the word. “let’s get you all settled and then we can talk, or they can talk with me, sound good?” felix nodded, becoming an inch shorter than suni now, following her as she led him deeper into the office.

it was white and minimalist, but it still felt, safe and homey. there were a few colorblocks with the pillows and blankets, with the little toys and the artwork but it wasn’t an eyesore or too overdone. felix went into the living room, hyunjin opened his arms up for him to sit on his lap but felix wanted to sit on the floor, next to or on jeongin. the rug was soft and fluffy, a very light brown, reminding felix of his teddy bears. he saw hyunjin pout but that didn’t stop his hyung from ruffling his hair when the little plopped down next to jeongin, who was also playing with the rug.

suni walked in with a file and felix didn’t realize he scooted even closer to jeongin. “shall we get started?” oh begin with suni fully introducing herself, her position, who she was to felix and why they were here today. felix had been to many school conferences and this, this had felt like one.

felix hadn’t realized he was gripping jeongin’s oversized shirt, a full fist of a white shirt in his hands and half of his body on jeongin’s lap. “felix, lix, are you feeling okay?” the question from suni was direct, now turning everyone’s attention onto him. jeongin tried his best to pull felix onto his lap for comfort but the teetering little had pulled himself off. “yeah, fine.”

lying to a therapist would get him nowhere because suni would always get answers whether it was verbally or through studying felix’s movements. “you seemed to be clinging onto your hyungie, it doesn’t seem like you’re okay.” now, this felt like target practice and felix was that easy target.

felix had made a noise, one he had felt inaudible to himself and then surrounding but he was wrong. this was a slight hint that he would cry, sad little crystal tears down his cheeks. he could fight back to suni, demand that he was fine and him clinging onto jeongin meant nothing but she knew it all. she would always know, be one more step in front of him. 

his members were watching, others feeling a bit more on edge than others but they let it be, they had trusted suni for a reason. it had been between two candidates when they had searched and picked felix’s therapist, suni, and some other kind man’s photo. ultimately, felix would be picking in the end and well, he had picked her too. 

“can we talk about your hospital incident?” she was direct, flipping some notes in her floral notebook, her black pen at the ready and a new file now sitting on her lap too, the manila folder now taking up an entire bottom half of the notebook. felix looked around alert,  hospital?

his members must have noticed his confusion, staring at each one of them and then to suni for an answer, the entire story. he had been to the hospital a few times as an idol, when he was getting a checkup or already sick but his major incidents came from the problems in his back but he didn’t feel as if that was something that took him out of little space. 

“we haven’t t-.” chan started but suni interrupted,“you seem confused felix, do you not know?” a whirl of emotions was piling into the pit of felix’s stomach and he hated every single feeling that fell in there.

felix didn’t have time to take in suni’s question. mentally remembering the mega bed, the pill, and why his members seemed a little bit more protective. 

“felix you were in the hospital for suffering through a lasting panic attack, with that you were also suffering from what doctors call ‘caregiver loss’. it’s a scary name but in short, you hadn’t had any contact with your caregivers while little, which means you also haven’t fully slipped in weeks.”

oh.

felix was struck frozen on the carpet, as if his entire world had been exposed. he remembered that day. in his room, watching youtube videos completely fine and then suddenly he was crying at jeongin’s waist, huddled and curled while jeongin tried to soothe him to calm down. yet, that had been his first interaction with a caregiver, feeling so small in that moment.

“i- i didn’t me- sorry.” felix shot up quickly, making some of his members jump, standing in the center of the room with a hand covering his mouth. hyunjin got up with him, quickly took him and tucked him in his arms, scooping the apartment for a bathroom. 

“bathroom?” seungmin asked, taking a hint of the worry and urgency.

“down the hall, right side, it’ll have one sage green painted wall.” suni directed, writing things down in her notebook and then pointing with her pen. 

hyunjin was quick to bow away, taking felix in that direction. “i’m fine, i’m fine.” felix managed to speak, hand still covering his mouth as hyunjin walked with him.

“you’re not.” hyunjin spoke, it had felt like a hurtful comment, a dig at felix but felix knew hyunjin would never say anything like that in that way, he was also probably stressed too. felix had caused a lot for his members, if he had just slipped, he wouldn’t have been in the hospital and worried his caregivers like how he did. 

they made it to the bathroom, hyunjin opened the door and led felix in, guiding him to the floor gently and then petting his hair. felix finally removed his hand, nothing but spit coming out, thankfully. 

“we didn’t mean for it to come out like this. you were in your in-between this morning and it felt like it would only make it worse for you.” hyunjin was leaning against the white countertop, watching felix. his head low between his arms resting on the toilet seat. 

felix didn’t say anything, sighing and then feeling the vibration of it all coming up gently. he motioned hyunjin to turn away, embarrassed and warning him it was coming. 

when he had, felix sighed, tears in the corner of his eyes and resting against the sage wall suni talked about. he felt disgusting in both a sick way and in a bad little way. hyunjin turned back around, rummaging through the bottom cabinets and finding baby wipes. 

the package of baby wipes had pooh on them, little honey pots surrounding him with bees buzzing nearby. hyunjin pulled out a few, taking felix’s head gently in his left hand and wiping with his right. felix whined, the cold feeling disgusting against his hot skin. 

“sorry my star, but it freshens you up.” felix was floating and he could nap in this bathroom at this very moment but he refrained. hyunjin had stopped wiping, back to petting felix’s hair. 

“what are you feeling right now?” hyunjin asked, joining felix on the floor. felix had busted into tears. crying into his hands and heavy sobs pushing out of his mouth. the dam had busted after being poorly constructed again. hyunjin was quick to pull him near. humming and kissing his head softly. 

“you didn’t know, hm? no need to be so upset little star.” hyunjin watched felix’s hands turn to sad and upset little fists. balled up so tight and resting against his head. “can i pick you up felix? it’s too dirty to be crying on this bathroom floor.”hyunjin didn’t doubt suni’s cleaning abilities but crying on a bathroom floor was not sanitary in hyunjin’s caregiver mind. 

felix didn’t reply so hyunjin let go of felix, standing and picking felix up, bouncing him up and down on his front. felix’s sobs were sad, the little whining and trying to make himself feel better. 

he was currently teary eyed, staring away from hyunjin in a pout, the caregiver taking their leave from the bathroom to join back into the living room.

“we heard sobs.” seungmin sadly smiled, looking at the pair. 

“he’s small but yeah, he was just a little spooked.” hyunjin answered, watching his members move around the couch to accommodate the two.

“ah, this is perfect.” suni smiled, and she inched closer, the coffee table separating her from felix, fixing her black midi skirt and trying to catch felix’s attention. the caregivers watched carefully, unsure of what tricks suni had up her sleeves. 

“you all don’t mind if i call you by your titles, correct?” the members were quick to shake their heads, anything to make felix comfortable. felix was too zoned out, head in hyunjin’s neck, smelling his cologne and easing into the rise and falls of hyunjin’s breathing. he was close to shutting his eyes when suni tapped his knee softly. the poke of her manicured nail, making the little one quick to flinch away, not wanting to be bothered by his therapist. 

when he was with hyunjin, nothing mattered and the world stopped. when he was in the arms of one of his caregivers nothing mattered and the world stopped, no one outside of the bubble his caregivers created for him could be able to ruin it, except for maybe a soft pink manicured nail. 

felix was quick to make a noise of protest, a warning to stop with the aggravating pokes and pleas for his attention. he didn’t want to be in the spotlight right now. 

“i don’t think he wants to be poked anymore.” it was minho, watching suni. the woman, annoyingly poking at his burnt-out little and ignoring felix’s boundaries, small gestures of warning. if looks could kill, suni would be dead, minho glaring and his jaw clenched from the aggressor. deep down he knew this was some lesson, some way of understanding felix and how he worked but felix was not in the mood, tucked away in hyunjin’s neck and close to sleep, eyes drifting open and shut, looking to each caregiver as if it was a sign of permission. 

they hadn’t had little felix in a while and minho didn’t want suni ruining it for everyone. jisung was quick to notice the tension minho was creating, lightly settling his hand on top of his thigh and smiling. 

suni gave a look of disapproval at minho’s words, slowly sinking back into her chair,”he’s put up no front. no force in boundary setting.”minho scoffed out loud. this woman wasn’t serious right? 

“so, you’re saying you'd rather him act out?” chan asked, scooting closer to the end of his chair. suni shook her head. 

“if littles haven’t regressed too long, years, days or hours, they’re understanding of how they should work, act and understand goes out the window. felix is a shy little, oftentimes submissive under pressure or even nervous about breaking rules, so much so that he just lets others walk over him. my constant poking showed just that, though he was tired, now sleeping in his mommy’s arms, he let me poke. this isn’t anything new, nothing to worry about but it all comes with “recoding” your little. i’ve met littles like felix who let things happen to them, littles who set a clear boundary, and littles that act out, hitting, fighting back.” she was now on a new page, writing down more of her notes. 

“so we need to set rules he can break, that we can break? i’m not following.” it was chan again.

“watch how he behaves, by himself, with your staff and crew. help him sort out his boundaries. he won’t ask for help but do it for him and then eventually he’ll start to do it for himself.” felix shifted into hyunjin’s arms, waking up slightly and pouting, eyes closed and reaching out for someone new. 

that someone new was jeongin, taking the little from hyunjin, sitting right next to him and patting felix’s bum softly. the little one started to cry again, softly this time, the caregivers immediately indicated it as a cranky cry, he was tired, maybe a little hungry but most importantly he didn’t want to be here anymore. 

“we didn’t pack sn-.”

“here.” a hand with soft teething crackers rose in front of jeongin. it was seungmin, sitting on the ground right near his feet with the baby bag open and ready. felix was now restless in jeongin’s arms, the poor caregiver trying to maintain a flaky cracker and a cranky little. 

“little peach, do you want a cracker?” jeongin tried, offering the cracker to felix who immediately cried harder. seungmin was rummaging through the bag, pushing wipes, other snacks, and bibs out of his way. felix did not become restless for long, normally settling after having a little fit but this seemed to be ongoing. 

“i’ll take him, we’ll go pace around.” it was changbin now, standing up, dusting off his shorts, and offering his hands to jeongin. felix screamed, the caregivers and even suni, in a state of shock. it wasn’t blood-curdling as if he was in fear but instead a scream that indicated his ongoing feeling of restlessness, that he was tired and didn’t want to be here anymore. 

“i- we can, he’s nev-.” chan couldn't find the correct words to say, still in shock from felix’s outburst. 

“we can meet again another time, don’t you worry boys. it’s my fault for going over time. it was a pleasure to meet you all.” suni smiled, setting her things aside. 

they each stood one by one, felix now in changbin’s arms and looking away from his smiling therapist. they each began to pack up their bags and belongings lightly, talking amongst themselves before they were greeted by the front door. one by one they started to put on their shoes, seungmin assisting with felix's shoes. ignoring the soft little kicks of protest.

“i’m just glad he’s back to his headspace.” suni noted. “thank you again, we’ll stay in touch.” it was chan, last out of the apartment and smiling despite felix acting up in the hallway of the office building. the door of suni’s office had finally shut and the caregivers were met with a cranky, loud little. 

“lee yongbok-ah, why are you being so cranky, hm?” it was minho, walking over to felix in changbin’s arms and softly cuffing his face with his right hand, his left holding the baby bag he took from seungmin.  he didn’t want seungmin to be dragged down by the weight… but don’t tell him he thought that. 

“he must be so tired or maybe he needs to be enriched. it’s been a while, we could go back to the playground.” jisung proposed. the group of eight walking to the elevators.

“how about we call his friends? we can go home, feed him some lunch, put him down, and then we can go out to play. does that sound okay to everyone?” seungmin added to the proposed idea. a chorus of hums and mutters, agreeing with the idea. with a sigh, they all agreed with each other, the doors of the elevator opening. felix had settled down, finally taking the cinnamon sugar cracker from jeongin, teething it, and sucking on the soft, crispy, and puffed cracker. 

“i don’t like her.” minho spoke out loud, jisung hitting him softly on his hip at his member speaking his brief truth. “you can’t be upset with her, she’s just a therapist, she’s doing her job.” chan spoke, speaking up for suni’s absence. 

“she should quit her job.” minho mumbled softly, watching felix in his world, held in changbin’s arms. giggles from hyunjin and jisung erupted in the elevator, absorbed with their member’s hatred of the therapist. 

🐣

when the members got home, felix was still wide awake, held in changbin’s arms and screaming out of excitement, seeing his lilypad and his plushies thrown everywhere in the living room. “yongbok-ah, we don’t scream inside.” hyunjin reprimanded. felix whined, annoyed with hyunjin telling him off. he was quick to turn away from hyunjin. his logic being that if he can’t see hyunjin, his caregiver, he can’t be told off. 

he started to bounce in changbin’s hold, excited to get down and play with his toys. he screamed again, eyes averted from hyunjin but catching minho’s in his ways to avert hyunjin. “you naughty little thing.” minho scoffed. 

changbin put down the little, watching felix scream excitedly as he crawled towards his toys. the little one immediately became occupied with his little tea party set, hitting the soft pink and purple pastel teapot against one of the cups, the sound of the machine starting over and over again with each wave. 

“he’s going to hurt himself.” jisung noticed, felix was too hyper to pay attention to his actions. “,or one of us.” seungmin noted.

the two caregivers walked into the living room, joining felix, settling down his hyperactivity by telling him to play softly. the others could only laugh at the three, seungmin with a hyper felix in his lap now and jisung trying to show felix to “pour” from the teapot softly. 

“i’ll make lunch, does anyone want anything in particular?” minho asked, looking around at the others, shrugging.

“don’t strain yourself, make whatever you want, you know we’ll eat it too.” jeongin smiled before looking down at his phone and walking away. others that needed time alone walked away but minho stayed in the kitchen, opening up fridge doors and cabinets to ensure his ingredients. jisung and seungmin were in the living room with felix, now playing with a shark plushie, softer and lighter, though the small beads inside added a little weight to the plushie. 

felix was sitting on seungmin, turning and throwing the shark plushie down and now placing his hands on seungmin’s face, screaming. minho stopped what he was doing in the kitchen, setting his utensils down and turning on his heel. from jisung’s vision, he spotted an angry minho walking towards the three. the caregiver in his frilly apron, a joke gift from changbin and his kuromi slippers. seungmin noticed next, noticing jisung’s halt in play with felix. 

“yongbok-ah, didn’t both mommies say to use your inside voice?” the question was rhetorical of course, felix even in little space noticing it. he turned his head to the side, looking at jisung and shying his head down, hands still on seungmin’s face. if jisung was spooked by minho’s calmness, he was sure felix would be too. minho made gestures for seungmin to offer up felix, the little clutching onto seungmin tighter. he didn’t deserve to be in trouble. 

“lix, mommy is going to count to three and you’ll let go of our puppy friend, if i get to three and you haven’t let go, you’ll have an even worse punishment.”felix naturally only clutched onto seungmin tighter. 

“one,” minho started, eyeing felix and his unwillingness to let go of seungmin, despite seungmin’s insistence on letting go. “two…” the tears welled up, glossing over felix’s eyes, yet not willing to fall just yet. jisung tried to offer a friendly smile but felix seemed to be even more upset now.

“th- good boy, up with mommy, and to our naughty chair we go.” felix was sniffling now, watching both jisung and seungmin move and adjust from the loss of the little. jisung now playing with the shark plush watching felix be walked away by minho and seungmin, moving to push out his now uncrossed legs. 

to the other side of the living room, the two went. felix was fine until minho leaned down with him to get him to sit, now the little’s subconscious was pushing him to the brim and he was crying again. “baby, maybe if you listened to both mommies you wouldn’t be sitting in your naughty chair.” minho tried to coax, hands on his knees, bending down and trying to get through to felix who was crying with his arms up, covering his face. 

“just a few minutes, then you can go play again.” minho left, his kuromi slippers shuffling against the wooden flooring. felix had attempted to growl back, something he learned from his silly little cartoons, but the growl was soft and very unintimidating. minho laughed, looking at the two in the living room and shaking his head. 

felix sat, pouting and kicking his feet against the air rapidly. he was getting impatient. slowly he got off his chair, decorated and plastered in a few stickers from their albums and cartoon characters, now sitting on the floor and crawling his way from behind the couch. 

it had been changbin that had called out felix. the caregiver walks back into the living area, a new and more comfortable outfit on, on his phone and nearly stepping on the little. “ah- felix, you can’t play over here, it’s too dangerous.” 

minho was in the middle of stirring budae jjigae, turning around slowly and watching changbin put felix back into his now set-up playpen. with a sigh, minho put down the spoon, walking across the hardwood of the kitchen and out into the open living room area. changbin had put himself upright, smiling at felix, turning and nearly running into an awaiting minho. 

“oh, sorry hyung, didn’t see you right there.” changbin apologized but minho was staring at the little, playing with the shark plushie jisung had left in the playpen, right next to his other plushies in the pen. “felix.” minho’s words were sharp, cutting the thin tension with a knife easily and making the pain last. minho’s voice alone was enough to make felix stop in his tracks. 

“i’m starting to think the naughty chair is not teaching you enough about punishment.” changbin was quick to cover his mouth with his hand, oh no. 

“do i need to bend you over my knee and swat that bum of yours?” minho asked, hands on his hip and a face of disappointment spread on his face. felix tried to hold his stare too, to be more intimidating but instead, he looked away, ignoring minho once again and playing with his plushies. 

“so be it, after lunch, over mommy’s knee.” minho walked off, back into the kitchen. changbin stood still, feeling guilty for bringing felix into his playpen but felix had done this to himself, somehow, right? changbin settled down on the couch, watching felix silently play with himself in his playpen, plushies spread and his blankets bundled and bunched up together. eventually, the little laid himself down. 

changbin had zoned out, staring at felix but a person had fallen into his lap causing him to groan. “oh hyunjinnie, jeez.”

“sorry my love.” hyunjin laughed, arms wrapped around changbin’s shoulders, resting as he sat bridal style. 

“felix is getting his first spanking after lunch.” changbin informed, eyes looking at hyunjin now, trying to read off his expression. the caregiver was thinking before he nodded softly,”he has been acting up… i don’t know.” so he was torn too.

“i guess only time will tell.” changbin replied, looking into the kitchen where he saw minho and seungmin, bumping butts while minho was at the stove. poor minho was probably getting pestered.  only time would tell.

minho had brought the pot to the kitchen table, a green pot holder in the center of the table to prevent the boiling and scalding hot pot from burning the wood. minho had called for everyone to come to eat, sure to collect felix himself, smirking when he saw felix’s sleepy pout. one by one they sat down, felix in minho’s lap. they started to eat, a few of the members, chan and jisung getting up to grab extra napkins and bowls for the others. the dinner table was always chaotic, never once would they have a meal without forgetting things. 

minho started to eat first, filling himself up, allowing for felix to wake up before he held a spoon out for the little, a baby spoon with an octonaut character on it, the kitty to be more precise, kwazii. felix ate soft little bites before falling lax into minho’s hold. the talk at the table was nothing of unusual nature, sometimes there would be yells in protest to a subject but mainly it was silent, countless thank you’s to minho for making such a delicious meal. 

“i talked to yeonjun, he said they can go to the park around dinner time, they had scheduled but beomgyu and kai are excited to be reunited with felix.” changbin spoke up, taking a sip from his glass of water before sitting back in the chair. “cute.” hyunjin cooed, eating a bite of rice. 

“i haven’t talked to chaewon yet, i was giving it a bit of time, but i’ll do it now.” seungmin spoke, wiping his mouth with his napkin and pulling out his phone, texting at the table. it had seemed like lunch was wrapping up, members just sitting and talking. felix had eaten well, thanks to minho and jeongin siting next to him. 

“can someone do the dishes and clean up, i have to go do something with felix quickly.” minho smiled, already pushing his seat out, felix tight in his hold. chan cocked an eyebrow,  had he missed something ?

“we’ll be right back, don’t worry, binnie can somewhat fill you all in.”

Chapter Text

🐣

minho had carried felix out of the kitchen and into his room. felix was asleep, dead asleep in his arms. there was an ache in his heart. he couldn’t, no, he wouldn’t. he had just got felix back into littlespace and he wasn’t going to pull him out due to his own personal reasons. he was just a baby, their baby, he was just acting like one, he was in his own space. somewhere where he was supposed to feel comfortable and safe, he didn’t have any right to rip that away from him. 

“oh, my baby, sleep well, hm?” minho lifted him from his side, from where he had tucked himself in and moved him out and down to his bed. felix budged a little, allowing the safety and warmth of lee know to move away from him. 

minho was quick to pull a blanket over felix, sitting beside him and ensuring that he was in a deep sleep before moving off the bed and towards the door. 

he left the door cracked, walking out into the living room where all six other members sat, eyes glued to minho’s room and now to minho, standing in confusion.

“either he didn’t cry or..”

“there was no spanking, i couldn’t go through with it, it’s not fair to him for playing deeper into his biology.” minho sat down. he was tired, maybe even slightly overwhelmed but he let out a short exhale and he felt fine again. fine for this moment in time. 

now would be their downtime. while felix was asleep, they’d be allowed to be in their own space, their own comfort, and in felix’s words, their own healing space. seungmin and jeongin stayed in the living room while the other caregivers dispersed. 

minho had gone into felix’s room, hyunjin following behind him. 3racha had gone into their own separate rooms, allowing for time to themselves, whether that be to nap, scroll through social media, or to work. 

🐣

felix woke up about an hour and a half later, stretching and blinking his eyes rapidly. he rolled over on minho’s bed, confused at the surroundings but gained instant knowledge from the tiny cat figurines on the shelves. minho’s room. he sat up, pushing the blanket off of himself, standing up and quickly remaking minho’s bed before walking out into the corridor. he fisted his eyes, rubbing the leftover sleep, and furrowed his eyebrows as he walked down to the living room. so much seemed to have happened in the last few hours, the few days and he just felt all over the place. 

he peered through the opening of the corridor, chan was lying on the couch, his shirt off and joggers on, staring at his phone, hair slightly damp and minho was sitting against the couch chan was lying on. he waddled in, stomach growling slightly, a snack was in order. 

after he regressed, it always felt so awkward walking around in big space around the apartment. as if he was the one in the wrong. how dare he be big after so many days or hours. he felt he needed to serve that purpose. the blonde was quick to avoid eye contact, quickly scurrying into the kitchen in search of a snack. he scanned the fridge, then the freezer, then walked over to the pantry, opening it with a sigh. nothing had piqued his interest and now he felt annoyed, just the tiniest bit annoyed. he closed the pantry door. he could go to the convenience store. they had one just a few blocks away. 

there he stood, eyeing the pantry door trying to come up with his statement, maybe his question on asking to go. though, the blonde could just go. he was big, he knew his right from his wrongs. suddenly he shuddered, remembering the mob from just a few weeks ago, how he was grabbed. yes, maybe he knew right from wrong but others, others didn’t and they knew what they were doing and that was worse. he was too far into that headspace, he didn’t hear the soft approaches of footsteps behind him,“what are you looking for honeydew?” 

the voice startled felix, causing him to immediately fall to the ground, resulting in hitting his elbow against one of the kitchen drawers. a shock ran through his arm and he cried out in pain, holding his arm and finally looking up at one of his members. “oh felix, i didn’t mean to startle you, i was just curious. oh baby.” chan spoked, cooing at the end of his sentence and picking up felix. felix wasn’t necessarily little yet, but he loved skinship. he loved it so much. to him, skinship was like delicate dance of human connection, where the language of touch replaces words. where an apology was immediately healed and forgiven. it was a warm embrace of a cozy blanket on a chilly winter night, where fingers become storytellers, tracing the lines of one's soul. it's the tender choreography of fingertips, grazing softly, like the gentle strokes of an artist's brush on a canvas, creating a masterpiece of emotions.

he was being held afloat by chan’s soft giggles and buttery soft touches to his cheeks to wipe away the few tears that had fallen. chan had brought him back to the couch, minho now sat at the far end of the couch, feet tucked under a blanket, watching with soft eyes at both chan and felix. “did daddy scare you?” minho asked, moving the blanket and moving closer so they’d be squished into a three. 

felix shied away from minho, suddenly remembering the empty threat and cuddling into chan’s body warmth. “hey now.” minho pouted playfully, poking at felix’s side. felix tried not to budge at the ticklish attack but squirmed in chan’s hold. suddenly he wasn’t feeling so much a float like he was just a few minutes ago. he had let the safety jacket go, falling from the raft and letting the waves of pent-up regression flow and overtake him. this is what he had deserved. he deserved to let go. 

both chan and minho noticed the shift again, felix slightly zoning in on something on the bookshelf and then making a soft whine. he still clung onto chan, the comfort of his coconut shampoo and conditioner and his cologne, deep and musky scent to it, if felix had a well enough nose he’d pick up on the pink pepper and ylang ylang but he didn't think he’s ever smelt that note in his past time except on chan. 

“your daddy is naked and we have the park to go to soon.” minho smiled, now teasing and poking at chan, covering felix’s eyes. the little screeched in excitement and terror, both in the mentions of a park and to his world becoming dark. “yah, lee yongbok.” 

“leave my baby alone!” chan playfully shouted at minho, pulling felix close, blowing raspberries on his cheeks. when it came to parenting or caregiver styles, it was clear chan and minho had an overlap but minho was more stern and strict in more cases while chan was more laidback yet stern when it was necessary. caregivers had various styles of caregiving, and it all depending on the schooling that the caregiver went through. there were so many universities with all various teachings, practices, ethics and morals. at the end of the day, a caregiver would have to pass their courses like any other student in order to graduate and gain a certificate of verification, this would grant them safety and certification to have their own little(s).

the others had come out into the living room, nosey by the noise. “bang chan hyung, do you ever put on clothes?” it was hyunjin, passing by with a cup of a weird colored liquid inside.  chan smiled and shook his head. "nah, i'm too comfortable in my skin." he winked, and hyunjin rolled his eyes. "yeah, whatever."

one by one the members of stray kids gathered in the living room. felix saw both jisung and seungmin, cooing to them like his caregivers do to him.  seungmin caught the coo, looking over and smiling and waving, and nudging jisung, who also giggled and waved back. felix smiled and felt warm inside, pushing his face back into chan’s neck. the others gathered around the room, and chan greeted them all. 

“do we have a plan about the park?” seungmin asked. they didn’t have a clear plan. at one point they’d have to eat dinner, then get themselves ready, but not in that exact order. earlier seungmin had brought up just having dinner at the park, ordering from one of the restaurants nearby, and eating while the littles played but the idea had ended there. 

“p’rk?” felix asked, eyes wide and doe eyed, looking at his caregivers. at some point, chan had switched his soothing index finger for a pacifier for felix, the translucent blue one with an otter and bubbles on the it. 

“yeah baby, we’re trying to figure out plans for the park and friends.” changbin smiled. he was standing, arms crossed and his glasses perched on his nose bridge. “how about w-. oh, it’s yeonjun. give me a minute.”changbin was quick to leave, finding a more quiet area but hyunjin was quick to take his spot, standing and noticing the confused and quizzical looks of everyone’s faces.  he gave them a reassuring smile before speaking. "w- what?" he asked, his voice soft and gentle. "what's wrong?"

jeongin was quick to shake his head,”nothing’s wrong. we’re just talking about what to do about dinner and the park.” hyunjin nodded, a relieved noise escaping from him. so he didn’t miss anything from pouring out his paint water. 

changbin came back into the living room, wrapping his hands around hyunjin’s waist, earning an cry of distaste and some disgust. they argued playfully, changbin eventually winning and resting his chin on hyunjin’s shoulder. “well..” jisung asked. 

“yeonjun said he told the boys and now they’re too excited to go so they’re heading over there. when i mentioned dinner, they agreed with our idea with takeout.” 

“so we should start getting ready and heading over there?” chan asked, petting felix’s hair, softly. the little one was still hiding in his neck, maybe falling asleep but now wide awake at the mention of the park. “yes.” 

“alright, it seems everyone’s somewhat ready but let’s get our little ready and myself a proper outfit and we can go out.” chan moved to sit upright, careful of felix and allowing for one of his member’s to take felix so he himself could get ready. jeongin was the first to get to felix, lifting him up from chan and walking away with him. jeongin was easily one of the member’s who enjoyed fashion, always trying new trends and posting his outfits for fans to see. he also loved dressing felix, putting him in soft and comfortable clothing unlike some of the stylists, who went against felix and went against his want for comfortable, non constricting clothing on his body. the little easily has some form of sensory issues when csme to textures, on clothing, foods so when stylists chose not to listen to his wishes, it easily frustrated him. jeongin though listened, putting felix in soft materials, moldable to his play and daily activities. 

“okay my sunshine, let’s see what we have in your closet.” jeongin was holding felix on his hip, the little just happy to be near the fox like boy, blushing easily with the maknae of the group. the closet door was open, various colors popped out at felix and jeongin. “p’nk.” felix whined, pointing to a familiar hoodie from kingdom. that day was memorable for many reasons but felix remembered struggling not to regress due to the attention and the two piece set. “this one lixie? and the sweatpants too?” 

felix nodded and the decision was set. felix would wear the two piece watching set but this time he would be able to regress. jeongin laid felix down, sweet praises and a few kisses littering onto felix’s face, cheeks, and forehead. “our perfect strawberry baby, hm?” the praise alone was enough to make felix slip deeper, whining and blushing profusely at jeongin’s words. “pretty, precious baby strawberry. oh, my baby.” jeongin was smiling wide, felix’s cheeks obvious from his embarrassment from jeongin’s praise. 

the caregiver was quick to dress felix then picked him up from under his armpits. “hmm, i think..” jeongin was looking around felix’s room, a finger to his lips as he scanned the room, trying to determine if the pacifier he wanted was out in the living room or in felix’s room. jeongin walked out with felix, the little looking around and screaming in excitement when seeing the rest of his members. before anyone could reprimand felix, jeongin was quick to ask the question, handing felix off to hyunjin who was quick to pamper him with kisses and praise. 

“ah, i feel like it’s in his baby bag, one of them, i think it’s the sanrio one, hold on.” changbin was now near hyunjin too, poking felix’s cheeks. “are you excited to see your friends baby?” changbin asked but the little shied away, pushing his face into hyunjin’s black knit sweater. 

“silly boy.” hyunjin smiled, patting felix’s bum and moving closer to the group. “got it!” chan smiled, pulling out the pink pacifier, putting it on one of felix’s gray pacifier straps and handing it to jeongin who was quick to attach it to the opening in felix’s hoodie. 

“are we ready to go?” chan asked, picking up felix’s sanrio backpack, minho putting in last minute toys and snacks. the leader took a headcount, making sure everyone was present before escorting everyone to their put on their shoes and grab bags if they wanted to do so. seungmin helped put felix’s shoes on, velcro version of his air jordans.

they let felix walk, in between changbin and jeongin. chan locked up the apartment door while the others waited, scattered down the hall and allowing for the little to run down the corridor to push the button to go down to the lobby. the pacifier was in his mouth, whining and continuously pushing the button. “yah, felix, we need to be patient.” after some time, the elevator got to their floor, opening up it’s doors and they all piled on. 

“i’ll text everyone now.” changbin spoke softly, pulling out his phone from his back pocket and opening the massive groupchat of caregivers from all three groups. as they ascended, felix was whining into minho’s front, holding onto his hoodie. “‘unny.” felix pointed out on minho’s hoodie.” minho hummed, petting felix’s hair.

felix felt the disinterest from minho and pouted, moving to hyunjin. “‘oomy.” felix pouted. then the doors to the elevator opened and they shuffled out, felix still attached to hyunjin’s front, making it awkward for him to move. “yes, my pixie?” hyunjin asked, finally making the executive decision to pick up the little and continue on with the group. felix was quick to be distracted, finding hyunjin’s necklace to be more interesting than the conversation he started. 

the air outside was cool and crisp, a perfect playdate evening. 

🐣

the distance between their apartment and the park wasn’t all that far. it had been the same one they had gone to when felix first regressed and where he met yunjin for the first time. fond memories came from this park with more to blossom with this evening. 

upon arrival, the members of stray kids spotted the caregivers and littles of le sserafim, spead out on a blanket near picnic tables and a spread of fruits and snacks on them. with a wave they walked over, chaewon and kazuha greeting them and the members greeting them back. “sakura is already over at the playground with the girls, we brought fruit because yunjin insisted so please feel free to help yourself.” chaewon smiled, gesturing to the pretty spead of fruits and bread on the table.

“we should’ve brought something.” minho pouted to himself, upset at the lack of service. chaewon was quick to shake her head,”no, please, yunjin has always been a fruit loving little and she just wanted to share her love with everyone else, i promise. we’re just a little extra.” chaewon laughed. 

felix still clung onto hyunjin, looking around. the park was on the han river, so there were many activities to do, biking, walking, playing on the playground, using the park’s equipment and so many concessions near the waterfront. the caregivers sat their things down on the picnic table, seungmin and jeongin quick to set out their own picnic blanket. 

felix was distracted. he saw his friends on the playground but he instinctively gripped onto hyunjin tighter. everyone was talking but he was zoned in on the little that was running towards them, his bouncy blonde hair flopping on his way too. hueningkai was here, his plushie pokemon, piplup in his hand.

“oh hello kai, did you run off from your daddies, hm?” jeongin asked, petting his head before looking up and spotting the four making their way down, yeonjun with a disapproved look. beomgyu was being held by soobin, much like felix. 

“hi lix.” hueningkai smiled, waving his piplup to felix but the little looked away. yeonjun moved over towards hueningkai, grabbing him by his upper bicep, smiling and taking them both away to a more secluded area. “that little..” soobin tsked, patting beomgyu’s bum and watching yeonjun and hueningkai walk over to a tree. 

“but hi everyone, how’s everyone doing?” soobin smiled, bowing with beomgyu in his hold and taehyun behind him, hugging his friends and putting their belongings down. they all responded in a quick and polite manner, changbin and seungmin quick to help set them up as well. 

“is he feeling smaller today too?” soobin asked, walking over towards hyunjin with felix. “not too small, just a little overwhelmed, he’ll play eventually. hi beomie, how are you?” hyunjin asked but the little was quick to shy away. soobin made a surprised noise but hyunjin was quick to smile in understanding.

“he just woke up from a nap. clingy little thing and then we have that crazy one over there.” soobin laughed watching hueningkai run to the playground and yeonjun motion for taehyun to takeover. yeonjun took a seat next to changbin, the two quick to get into a conversation. 

“gyu, do you want to go play or do you want to sit down here?” soobin asked, noticing beomgyu looking at felix, who was now looking out at the water. shrieks and screams of excitement were heard from the playground, the three littles playing with each other as sakura and taehyun watched. 

beomgyu sat down on the picnic blanket, the caregiver quick to pull out toys from his own backpack. the backpack was brown and themed around a bear. out came the blocks and lil toy cars. soobin put a fluffy black jacket on beomgyu, the little stuck in a short sleeved blue and white donald duck shirt. 

felix looked away, spotting a boat in the water. he whined, tugging at hyunjin’s sweater. “okay baby, hold on, let’s pass you off to daddy, i need to go talk to mommy, hm?” hyunjin walked over, careful of the pool of backpacks and bags. chan was talking with chaewon, under a tree before hyunjin cleared his throat. 

“oh, excuse me for a second,” chan turned around and looked at hyunjin with felix. “what’s up?” he adjusted his hat on his head, looking at the two. 

“he wants to go towards the water but i need to talk to minho.” chan tsked, nodding and taking felix, the little whining from the loss of hyunjin. hyunjin was then off towards minho while chan bounced felix in his hold. 

he turned back to chaewon,”felix is interested in the water, i don’t know if your girls would like to come along but the offer is extended to you all.” chaewon made a cute noise, excusing herself to go get her girls, or at least sakura. 

“soobin, did you hear that?” yeonjun asked from his spot on the picnic bench. soobin looked up from beomgyu and shook his head. “they’re going to go look at the water, the boats, beomie probably wants to go too.”

hueningkai came running to the picnic tables, into yeonjun’s lap. “boats. boats.” it was very clear he was in an older headspace than the other days they saw him. “yes little penguin, do you want to go see the boats with gyu, lixie and the girls?” 

speaking of the girls, they came down the slight hill with their hands in sakura’s, so cute and gentle. taehyun followed behind giving yeonjun a look. 

“alright! little ducklings, if you want to come see the boats, come stand or be carried behind me. i will be your puppy guide, kim seungmin.” the littles were quick to giggle, standing behind seungmin and his blue flag. where did he even get that flag?

“daddies, mommies, caregivers, your littles will be safe with me, but adventure awaits your curious little. speak now or forever hold your peace.” there was a giggling silence and they were off, seungmin raising up the flag and escorting the littles to the riverside with chan and soobin.

🐣

yunjin was holding eunchae and seungmin’s hand when they arrived to the railings of the riverside, hueningkai was holding onto soobin’s and chan was just following behind with felix. “m’ny ‘oats.” eunchae giggled into yunjin who giggled with her. “yes marshmallow, so many, so smart.” yunjin gleamed.

felix was looking far off, the blue boat with the white sail catching his eye. chan was quick to notice, pointing out to it,”do you know what color that is lix?” felix shied away, into the crook of chan’s neck, the caregiver looking down at the others. 

“boo!” eunchae giggled. “good job eunchae, that’s right, that’s a blue boat.”

while the littles were occupied, the other caregivers at the top were situating dinner and talking about random topics themselves.

“yeah, we can order on my phone, i don’t mind, really?”

“our girls eat a lot…”

“oh please, order what you all want.” changbin passed his phone to sakura, before sitting down on one of their blankets. 

“ohh they’re so cute.” chaewon cooed, standing up and pulling out her phone to capture the group. 

“do you know their headspaces today?” minho asked out of curiosity. chaewon sat back down, looking at the photos she took. 

“yunjin is around four, five, pretty big headspace today and our eunchae is around two, they both woke up in their headspaces this morning.” kazuha answered, for her two older occupied members. minho nodded, directing the question to yeonjun and taehyun.

“beomie is pretty small, we think a few months to a year at least and kai is about hmm, what would you say taehyun?” yeonjun asked, looking at taehyun. 

“he’s in a weird big headspace today, possibly three or four? he knows what he’s doing, that’s for sure, punishment has been his theme today.” 

“what about felix?” chaewon asked, phone now put away and curious eyes at felix’s caregivers. 

“he’s small too, he tends to waver because he doesn’t have a set headspace but he’s never too big, he likes being dependent on us, i’d say right now? maybe one or two, he’s clingy and extra whining so that indicates small.” jeongin spoke up, eating a piece of watermelon. 

the phone was still being passed around, now yeonjun and taehyun holding it and discussing. the littles were making their way back, yunjin and eunchae running and giggling to their caregivers, squealing when sakura, chaewon and kazuha asked about the riverside.

felix was placed down on the blanket, the same one changbin was on. “hey there sunshine.” changbin gleamed, patting the open spot between his legs for felix. 

“have we discussed dinner?” chan asked, taking off his flannel and sitting on the bench next to jisung. “just ordered it.” changbin spoke, getting his phone back from taehyun.

“appa! can we go swings please?” kai asked, slowly moving towards soobin until he was right in his lap with a pout. “not now, let’s settle down for a moment, hm?”

beomgyu was on a different blanket, a few inches away from felix. the girls had joined too, their princess toys and barbies on the blankets, mixed in with felix’s plushies, lettered blocks, beomgyu’s cars and stacking blocks, and kai’s pokémon figurines. 

“appaaaa.” kai whined. “wow, seems like our little penguin needs a nap, hm? so whiny.” yeonjun tsked, arms ready to get kai but the little huffed in soobin’s lap, looking towards the riverside. 

“no manchae, mine!” yunjin pouted, watching as eunchae took her rapunzel barbie doll. “yah yunjin, we share with our baby sister and our friends, yeah? apologize and play with another toy.” 

felix was playing with his lettered blocks, mainly just holding them but beomgyu seemed entranced by them, holding out a hand for one. felix squealed, passing him one and watching as his friend also giggled with the block. 

“our babies play so well.” jisung and taehyun smiled. felix and beomgyu were in their own world while their friends played together but that’s okay, as long as they were having fun right. 

the evening was going well, food had been delivered and now all the littles were lined up on the bench whether on a lap or on the wood itself, eating on their provided plates from home, an array of their personalities spread out in front of them. jisung was feeding felix, the little using his hands instead of the baby cutlery provided and beomgyu was doing the same on yeonjun’s lap. 

chaewon had taken more photos, so in love with the moment. soon the caregivers got their own plates, serving themselves and then eating near their littles.

“so much for a playground for felix, poor baby is ready to sleep.” jisung giggled, rocking felix to the side but the mention of the playground made him wake up. with hazy eyes and his pacifier half suckled in his mouth. 

“let’s get him cleaned up and then we can go play, hm?” minho smiled, pulling out the flavored wipes from the baby bag. felix saw minho pull out the wipes, making a quick gesture to hide behind jisung’s shoulder. a sigh escaped jisung, his brown hoodie now properly stained by tteobokki sauce. he heard a snicker from somewhere, noticing kazuha laughing at the fate of his brown hoodie. 

“ah, naughty baby, let mommy wipe your face.” minho preened, manuevering felix’s face to stare at him so he could attack the little with the strawberry flavored wipes. felix made a few growls at minho, one of his favorite noises to make to sound intimidating. “oh our scary kitty.” minho whispered, finally cleaning up felix’s face and smiling, putting the used wipes on his plate. 

“we’re going to go to the playground if anyone wants to join, i think we brought a soccer ball if anyone wants to play with it.” minho stood up, taking felix from jisung, who was passed a wipe to clean his hoodie up. 

“ball!” yunjin screamed, kneeling high on the bench and leaning against the picnic bench. “yunjin, we don’t climb on picnic tables, sit on your bum right now.” sakura reprimanded, standing up and moving from her own spot to clean up. 

one by one, each little group had cleaned up their littles, aside from the whines and let them roam within proximity. the soccer ball was changbin’s, a tad too big for littles but they didn’t seem to mind, running after it in between kicks from their caregivers. 

minho and soobin had brought their boys over to the baby swings, fitting their feet into the holes and swinging gently. minho and soobin had met briefly through mc’ing jobs, through corridors of taped showcases, award shows but never had they had the time to speak alone. for once their littles were quiet, squealing every so often or just relaxing in the breeze of the wind. 

“thank you for inviting us, it’s really calming knowing both gyu and kai have a friend they can turn to.” soobin was pushing beomgyu lightly, noting his cries when he got to high and away from soobin for too long. 

minho cleared his throat, looking off to his members playing with the other littles, changbin chasing a giggling eunchae and yunjin, jeongin kicking a ball with kai and the others just circling around talking. “i’m glad we have each other. we know schedules can be busy but taking time away from it all, really is something special.” 

“i’ve never seen beomgyu so calm..” soobin laughed, pushing gently and smiling at a walking taehyun coming to the scene. the mulch crunched under his shoes, and beomgyu was quick to scream in excitement, reaching over for taehyun.

“BEOMIE BE CAREFUL.” everyone shouted, both swings slowing down. taehyun rolled his eyes, picking up beomgyu. felix watched, kicking his feet, annoyed at him not swinging. 

“okay lixie, we can swing again, sorry baby, mommy, and friends had a scare.” felix gripped onto the blue chair, excited to swing again. he felt warm. safe and cozy. he was in his headspace comfortably. a part of him felt bad for not really playing with his other friends, but they were bigger, their activities didn't line up with anything felix would want to do. he and beomgyu had quiet fun, playing on the blankets spread out for them, looking out at the river together and now swinging, but h- where’d he go ?

after a while, minho slowed down the swing,”it’s getting pretty late bunny, we need to clean up, say goodbye and go home yeah?” 

minho tried to lift felix out of the swing but felix refused. “do you want me to go get daddy?” felix shook his head, a pout evident. “hmm quokka or puppy?” minho asked. felix nodded, wiping his tears pathetically. 

“okay baby, let’s get in mommy’s arms first and then we can go to quokka and puppy.” felix nodded, agreeing. oh he was so dumb, so cute. minho hoisted him out of the swing, wiping his eyes with his hoodie sleeve and exiting the border of the playground. walking across the grass, minho noticed everyone packing up, all the caregivers now prepared for their night routines. 

minho walked up to the circle, felix holding his arms out for changbin, who graciously took the baby. “thank you all so much, the girls and i appreciate it so much and they’ll sleep so well tonight.” chaewon laughed, holding an asleep eunchae. yunjin was just barely awake, holding onto sakura’s hand and wiping sleep that dared to be come to her. “we’ll get going, thank you all again.” 

“get home safely, text the group chat when you arrive.” chan reminded, watching them exit the circle and walk away. “what a day.” 

“it was a much-needed evening it seems.” chan smiled, taking bags from jeongin and pointing to the asleep hueningkai in yeonjun’s arms and the blushing beomgyu in taehyun’s. “you have no idea.” without realizing, the two groups began to walk out of the park together, still talking. 

felix was dead asleep in changbin’s arms, rubbing his head against his sweatshirt. eventually the two groups split at a stop light, waving goodbye and communicating ‘thank you’s’. 

“well that was nice, i really enjoyed that.” chan smiled, adjusting the bag on his shoulder.

“i’m glad we could do it all together.” 

“oh he’s so cute.” it was jisung, walking next to changbin, looking at an asleep felix. “he’ll sleep so good tonight.”

“it’s what he deserves.” 

Chapter Text

felix had hit the wave of emotion hit him. 

suffocation had taken over in his lungs and there he was, dry heaving into his arms.

he had been fine days before, hours before dwindling to the minutes, and yet, here he was, on the floor in his bedroom, trying to collect himself before anyone wanted to barge in and enter. with bleary eyes, he shakily stood up, clutching onto his white dresser, until his knuckles turned white, a few trinkets falling in the process. he was going to make himself better again dammit. the sun never dims. with a light punch, he hit his dresser, allowing the pain to cease in his hand, numbing it slightly before forcing himself to smile as he wiped his tears with his hoodie sleeve. there was a deep exhale and he placed his hand on his doorknob, he was sure he could find someone to cuddle up with, to slowly ease his pain away. 

there was confidence in him opening his door and bouncing down the corridor. he’s sure his face was evident of his cries, his pink nose, and his tears dried to his cheeks but if there was a smile on his face, no one would ask right? that’s what he wanted to avoid. the asking . so much pain came from the asking, all the built-in emotions and feelings he’s developed inside his mind, clawing at the answer as if that was their only gateway out. he knew the answer already, he just didn’t want to admit it. he was scared of the emotions that would come with it. scared of feeling exposed and vulnerable even if he had shown it countless times. 

normally the apartment was decently loud, no one was overly loud. unlike the other days, where he often felt bad for hyunjin, the most calm out of the eight, knowing the loud and chaotic nature of his members can do serious damage. most of his members in the apartment were gone but today had been a day in, so it seemed. seungmin was on the couch, on his phone, and watching what appeared to be baseball on the tv. now, in all honesty, felix didn’t know much about baseball but he would sit through games with seungmin to watch his friend’s rollarcoaster of emotions display through excitement to pure disappointment. with a look outside, he noticed the bright blue sky, though no clouds, a perfect day to be outside, jeongin was on the balcony sitting and on the phone with what felix could only presume to be family members. 

“hello pixie, how are you on this,” minho was quick to squint trying to find a wall clock in sight. “saturday afternoon?” minho asked, a cup of juice in his hand before he was quick to put on the light blue dishwashing gloves and get back to washing the dishes in the sink.

“i’m okay.” felix smiled, bowing slightly and wandering to the couch. seungmin was teetering on the edge, engrossed and felix was now lying comfortably, a spare blanket to his side. he was quick to unfold the blanket, tucking and holding it up to his chin and watching seungmin watch the game and watching and listening to minho hum as he washed dishes. for now, he was comfortable and he’d remain comfortable, until the comfort faded away, invaded by his thoughts.

his head began to hurt, eyes dried and irritated. normally those who had a headache would find a quiet space but felix didn’t want to go back into his sad void. so he laid. and he laid. laying until eventually his eyes drooped and he heard the balcony door slide open. 

he heard a calm reprimand from minho, probably telling jeongin to leave him be but he was floating now. off in his world of clouds and vibrant colors.  

in a dream that unfolded like a vibrant painting, felix found himself in a surreal landscape bursting with an explosion of colors. the sky above was a mesmerizing blend of hues, transitioning seamlessly from warm oranges and pinks to cool blues and purples. the clouds danced in playful patterns, taking on the forms of fantastical creatures.

as felix walked through this dream world, the ground beneath his feet transformed with each step. lush meadows of emerald green led to fields of blooming flowers in every imaginable color. each petal seemed to emit a soft glow, creating an enchanting aura that surrounded him. the trees that dotted the landscape were not bound by the limitations of reality. their leaves shimmered in shades that defied description, ranging from iridescent gold to deep indigo. as a gentle breeze rustled through the branches, the leaves created a symphony of rustling sounds, accompanied by the occasional chime-like tinkling.

the creatures that inhabited this dreamland were equally vibrant. exotic birds with feathers that mimicked the colors of a rainbow soared through the sky, leaving trails of sparkling stardust in their wake. butterflies with wings that resembled stained glass fluttered around, casting intricate patterns of light on the ground below. as felix wandered through this kaleidoscopic dreamscape, he encountered a river that flowed with liquid crystal. its waters sparkled with reflections of the surrounding colors, and fish of every conceivable shade swam gracefully beneath the surface. the dream seemed to defy the laws of physics and reality, creating a world where every color was more vivid and intense than anything he had experienced before. the sheer beauty and vibrancy of this dream left felix with a sense of awe and wonder, and upon waking, he couldn't help but feel a lingering sense of enchantment from the vivid colors that had painted his subconscious mind.

he heard minho's voice again, this time calling him back to reality. felix felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and a warm pat on his hair. he opened his eyes to find minho's concerned face looking down at him. “baby, are you alright?” minho asked, a cold hand pressed on felix’s very hot forehead. the concern was enough to make felix whimper, he had felt alright, despite his emotions and now he was triple-thinking his thoughts. 

“no, no, i’m okay.” he sat up quickly, pushing minho’s hand away from his forehead, roughly and holding back the lump now in his throat. “heyy, hey felix, i’m not insinuating that you’re not okay, hm? it’s possible you just ran a bit warm during your little nap but the blanket, is too thin to warm you up so much.” 

there would be no time that felix could’ve gotten sick. he remembered the park but, that had just been a few days ago and he was feeling just fine. he squinted his eyes, furrowing his brows, trying to remember. he knows that after the members got home from the park, they were quick to give him a quick bath and quickly into bed. though the days after the park, felix had been in his big headspace. they practiced, went into the building to do schedules and he was doing fine and doing his best to maintain a balance between big and little space. there were days when he played with his smaller calico critter playsets, putting them into his backpack, along with his journal, when he stopped playing, he would journal when he was big enough, jotting down his endearing or scary thoughts.

“felix, lix, i need you to pay attention okay?” minho brought felix back to reality, smiling. felix would call himself pitiful when he got sick. every little thing he did, he felt pitiful. after he found himself in the hospital, he noticed the intenisty of the watchful eyes on him, scared he’d drop back into a panic attack and get himself back into a hospital bed. 

“hey seungminnie, can you ask chan to grab some medicine from the store before he comes back, i don’t want to risk this.” minho asked, seungmin now watching the two and nodding, quick to grab his phone. 

“i’m not sick.” felix talked back, pouting and trying to look angry. minho ignored him, his hand now resting on felix’s thigh. jeongin walked back in, on his phone, and looked up to talk to minho,” supposedly, a lot of little’s are getting sick within the industry, must be a new illness, i haven’t checked in with chaewon or yeonjun but i’m seeing a lot of groups talking about it.”

minho hummed, “so maybe it would be a good time to go back to the doctor, they have to have some kind of shot, right?” at the word shot, felix was quick to push minho’s hand off his thigh, standing up, although tangled in his blanket and shake his head. he would not be getting any shots, no way.

“lix, please sit down before you hurt yourself.”

“i’m not small.” felix lied, whimpering and gaining balance on the couch cushion. minho glared at him, one that they all knew too well,” i never said you were small, now did i? sit down please.” minho smiled, his arm out, just in case felix wanted to change his mind and sit back down on his butt. “no!” felix felt the wetness of his tears start-up, his feet now playing tricks on him as he stood uncomfortably on the cushions. jeongin looked shocked at the determination and sass of the little, looking to the others who seemed shocked as well. 

all three of them sensed the pent-up tantrum coming soon, but unsure of when felix would let his feelings implode. seungmin waited for the inevitable outburst, feeling a sense of dread as he anticipated what felix was about to do. jeongin held his breath, unsure of what to do or say. minho, who was all familiar with felix's tantrums, sat in place, trying to keep calm, unsure of what felix would do. “i don’t want shot.” felix’s lip wobbled. minho nodded,”no shots, okay?” felix made a soft noise, biting his lip. jeongin who had enough of felix, endangering himself on the couch walked over, collected felix in his arms, held him, and watched the tantrum begin. felix can’t make up his words before seungmin is before him, holding his face in his hands. he had slipped so fast, giving him whiplash and he was now having a full-blown meltdown,“okay angel, it’s okay, cry it out, hm?” minho was sat on the couch still watching yet they were perfectly gathered around felix. guilty feelings staggering over their own heads. felix spotted seungmin, eyes wide and doe, now tucked in between jeongin and minho, reaching out for the puppy boy who gladly accepted him—hugging him tight and kissing his forehead.

seungmin held a gentle touch. a touch only felix could understand, one that was immediately calming and a feeling of understanding that washed over him. seungmin was rocking him, humming a random tune and smiling down at the little,”i won’t let mommy get his way hm? no shots for our baby.” minho was quick to look up from felix to glare at seungmin. 

the door to the apartment opened, changbin and hyunjin walked in, just after the tantrum, and looked at the four on the couch in confusion. “someone had a tantrum.” jeongin spoke, watching his friends take their shoes off at the door.

“minho hyung, i told you to stop having tantrums without me.” changbin pouted cutely, walking over to the couch and noticing a bundled felix in seungmin’s arms. minho scoffed. felix wanted to so desperately get himself out of headspace, and make them all wrong in their accusations but the moment he spotted hyunjin’s soft smile, he felt himself slip even more. the warm haze, hitting him like an unexpected wave, crashing onto him. “how was work?” jeongin asked, looking towards the two. work. a word felix desperately hated. he felt himself cringe and then he grew uncomfortable in seungmin’s hold, in his own body. he began to wiggle around, seungmin looking down in confusion. felix scrunched his nose, doing his best to let himself be big, remember his priorities, his heavier thoughts. finally he cried out, the living room, now holding a heavy silence as they stared at felix. 

“lixie, what’s wrong?” hyunjin walked over to the side of the couch seungmin was on, kneeling in front of felix and cocking his head to the side. felix had looked up, flinching at hyunjin, sighing, and doing his best to undo his tangled limbs in the mess of blankets. seungmin was lenient enough to let up his hold on the blanket, letting felix freely move around, close to falling off of seungmin’s lap.

“hm. are you overstimulated?” it was jeongin asking, earning a slight nod from felix, who had finally freed his limbs and was now analyzing his arms and hands. felix remembered his calico critter in his hoodie pocket, taking it out and holding it up. “now would you look at that baby, the kitten looks like you.” changbin cooed. it was hard for the caregivers to get out of caregiving mode, especially around felix because both big and little felix required all the same care. he liked the skinship, he liked the soft pet names, and he enjoyed the attention. 

“he seems to be distressed between switching, he’s stuck again.” seungmin whispered to the group, felix now staring at the white kitten, holding it in his palms on his lap. 

“this feels all too familiar,” minho noted to himself. “we need to push him to be little.” minho was determined now, standing up quickly from the couch and speedwalking to felix’s room. the caregiver was not going to let felix fall into another state of discomfort. he pushed the door to felix’s room open, sighing at the little’s mess, and quickly looking for the playsets that felix enjoyed playing with when they were at practices. 

“this kitty is awfully cute, angel.” hyunjin smiled, pointing at the white kitten in felix’s palms. felix made a noise, picking up the kitten and offering it to hyunjin. “for me?” the vivid expressions made felix squeal, leaning over and falling into hyunjin’s open arms.

the group had made plans and schedules that would make the little one feel less overwhelmed. somedays they’d leave individually and meet up at work but most days they traveled in twos or threes. felix was still on an awkward schedule, the higher-ups not wanting to call him in “just because” because of his status. seungmin stood up, stealing a glance at jeongin. changbin and hyunjin had left earlier this morning, chan and jisung had left last night and were possibly, maybe slept in the recording studio, which minho was very unhappy about. now it would be minho, seungmin, and jeongin’s turn to leave the apartment for a few hours. felix would get his own time, in a day or two. 

minho came back, two small pastel yellow and pink playsets in his hand. “hyung, we should get going.” jeongin spoke softly, watching minho set the playsets down next to hyunjin on the floor and nodding. minho had been the caregiver who had found it the most difficult, leaving felix, they all knew it, they saw it so minho had done his best to hide his feelings behind and just leave. he was not felix’s only caregiver and he should not act like that, “okay, let’s go, shall we?” minho smiled, gathering the two and urging them to the corridor that led to the door.

“bye lovely members, we’ll text you.” changbin said, still on the couch and watching the three get themselves ready to go out into the world. for days it felt as if they had been cooped up in the apartment, which was untrue but it must feel nice to go out. changbin watched the door close, hearing it lock before turning to look at the two on the floor. felix was sat in between hyunjin’s spread legs, his white kitten taken back from hyunjin and watching him play with the sets. 

changbin remembers when felix got the sets, having been shy and blushing when they came in the mail.

changbin yawned, walking into the apartment building, mail in his hands. he had just got back from the building, retrieving their mail after a very long brainstorming session. he had two boxes, one addressed to lee minho and the other lee felix. he had wondered if felix was trying to hide his age regression through minho when he first got the boxes from the staff. he had studied the package labels but it was clear, that the two had just both received their packages on the same day, one being a new set of pans and the other two calico critter playsets, baby castle nursery and baby castle playground. 

as changbin stepped onto the elevator, he shifted the boxes to one arm, searching for felix’s items on the internet, he was nosey although he was sure he’d see it lying around the apartment sooner or later. as soon as the picture popped up from the internet, he emitted a coo. the pictures were too cute, with little critters on the sets “playing”. suddenly he was excited for felix too. he got excited at the thought of playing with him and these sets one day. he’d need more calicos so they could all play together, so they could each have their own character.

the caregiver was stuck in his own head, not hearing the ding of the elevator doors. when the doors opened felix was there, bouncing on his heels, teeth biting his lip in excitement. “hello there pixie.” changbin smiled, noting felix only looking at the box. they must have been tracking the rapper from work. they were all home except for changbin, so he was sure chan was tracking him closely. changbin cleared his throat as he stepped off,”felix.”

felix had whined, pouting and making grabby hands for his package. changbin had cocked his head to the side. “hyunggggie, pleaseee.” 

“well what if i want to play with your calico critter playsets.” embarrassment set in and felix stopped bouncing,”you’re mean.” felix pouted, no longer excited. felix had left changbin at the elevator, quick to walk down to their apartment, looking back at changbin and grinning.

safe to say, with a light yet fake scolding from chan, felix got his playsets from changbin.

felix was content in his own world, wiggling his feet and playing with his kitten. “i’ll go get the other ones.” changbin got up from his spot on the couch but felix noticed immediately and started gearing up for another tantrum. “whoa whoa, lix-ah, daddy’s just going to go get more of your kitten’s friends, can i do that?” felix shook his head rapidly, worry bubbling inside himself about the desperate separation anxiety. the kitten was dropped with a small thud hitting the hardwood. felix’s arms were raised and he was now crying for changbin. 

“okay, we can go together.” changbin smiled, bending down and picking up felix but felix was quick to turn around and whine for hyunjin. the caregivers gave each other look, hyunjin just dismissing the whine and standing up and joining the two,”let’s all go together, hm?” it was silly for them all to go to the same room together, just for one of them to pick up the small bin together but if it makes felix happy, they would go together. hyunjin took felix back from changbin, felix now hoisted up in his arms of his caregiver.

felix smiled, his tears slowly stopping as he snuggled into hyunjin's arms. they continued on their way to felix’s room, the three sharing a moment as felix's worries slowly melted away. hyunjin smiled back, feeling a sense of peace and contentment. he placed a gentle kiss on felix's forehead before patting his bum. changbin was in front of the two, leading them, talking about a new trend he saw on tiktok, hyunjin nodded along and felix simply closed his eyes, content in the knowledge that he was safe and loved.  the door was pushed open to felix’s room, hyunjin stayed outside the room while changbin walked in went into felix’s closet, and grabbed the small bin of other calico critters.

the front door then opened, and an argument filled the soft silence of the apartment. “jisung, you still have no right to scrap my work from your laptop!” it was a very frustrated chan. hyunjin could see from his spot in the hallway. felix woke up immediately. changbin walked out of felix’s room, walking towards the rappers. 

“you scrapped work?” it was changbin now entering into the argument, looking between chan and jisung, both of them tired and frustrated.  changbin then turned to jisung and sternly said "jisung please tell me you better have a good explanation for this." jisung, unable to think of anything, stayed silent. changbin then ignored the two, entering back into the living room, leaving jisung and chan alone. 

hyunjin knew this was an argument between chan and jisung, maybe even changbin, he was unsure but he knew that rest was needed. he walked down the corridor, smiling and patting felix’s bum softly,”you two please go shower and rest, okay? for me?” hyunjin had coded his words and they knew he meant for felix, do it for felix, take time for felix.

they both looked tired, drained, and in desperate need of showering and rest. overnights at the building always have a different vibe, each visit. he knew later minho would scold them but for now, hyunjin gave them a loving smile and a wink before walking away. felix was staring at the two as hyunjin carried him away, whining softly. hyunjin heard the whine, ignoring it, knowing that felix would want everyone in the living room to play with him, to be near him but he didn't know of the argument and the tension that would suffocate them. 

“down you go little star.” hyunjin placed felix on the ground, in front of his playsets and characters that changbin had spread out. the little started to play sadly, wiggling his feet and looking behind him every so often. changbin and hyunjin were on either side of the little, an arm resting their heads on the couch as they talked, or well changbin kept asking hyunjin to marry him. 

there was no possible way, felix could get out of this situation without the other two watching him but he could always try. slowly he started to scoot away with his bum, ever so softly. he was close to being near the edge of escaping when hyunjin had laughed, a hand covering his mouth and turned to look at felix. “what are you doing little wiggle worm?” felix stayed silent, playing dumb and then turning to crawl. changbin was quick to grab felix’s ankle, leaning and grabbing the bare spot of his ankle and softly pulling him back towards the two. 

“felix, we don’t need to crawl away from daddy and mommy, hm? your toys are here, remember?” changbin was trying to be strict but felix was now lying on his back, having flipped over in being upset and kicked out a leg. “yah!” it was a normal reaction from changbin, one that indicated he was truly upset or angry and maybe, felix had just realized that. he had just hurt changbin’s feelings because of his wants. it was loud, startling both hyunjin and felix but felix more so.

the leader sat a bottle of medicine on the kitchen counter before turning around on his heel. chan had rounded the couch, nothing but a new change of a huge hoodie and black basketball shorts. his hair slightly damp, bending down to pick up felix and hugging him tightly, going to sit down at the edge of the couch, “oh felix, how kind of you to share your toys.” felix didn’t care about anything, he missed chan. he didn’t realize he missed him so much until this moment. hands on his face, replicating what they do with him and staring chan deep into his soul. felix loved chan, adored chan so much. “d’ddy missyou.” his words were slurred but he got his point across, even earning a loud, expressive response from hyunjin, holding onto his chest and falling into changbin’s lap, the older gladly now taking advantage.

“i’ve missed you too my baby, i’m sorry daddy was busy with work.”  chan felt his heart soar with happiness, a weight lifted off of his shoulders. he held him tightly, rocking him back and forth, and changbin and hyunjin were both content simply watching. chan had finally felt a deep sense of peace and serenity, and he never wanted the moment to end. he was content to hold felix in his arms and cherish this moment. he knew that this would be a memory he would keep with him forever. 

jisung had also come out, walking into the kitchen, easily avoiding the four. it was clear he was upset with both himself and the others, he had opened the fridge, pulled out a juice, and walked back into his room. hyunjin did not doubt that jisung would figure out how to get the file back or remake it. jisung was talented and hopefully, this would be an issue that would blow over by tonight. 

“minho hyung is ready to pounce on you both. i’d be scared.” hyunjin brought up, watching chan put felix down, the little one crawling back over to his toys, excited to play again. chan sighed, rubbing his face with both of his hands,” can’t say it’s not deserved.”

Chapter Text

felix had felt vicious. 

not in the sense of angered aggression but in his emotions. a journal can hold only so much emotion, be able to portray a feeling held to one’s close heart and with felix’s down on the table, he was feeling too much. 

🐣

it had been days later. minho had reprimanded the trio and jisung had fixed chan’s scraped piece. thankfully, it didn’t take much work for jisung to fix it. a few hits to the mouse and it was as good as new. he had thankfully had not come down with the illness either, having surpassed the illness and only gained a headache from his nap, moments after.

for now with loosened threaded socks, felix sat on the couch waiting for minho to get home from some grocery shopping. felix was picking at the torn pieces of his tulle frills, the sound of the television softening his background. he had been doing okay, managing his boredom by flickering through television stations and petting his plushies. 

felix had been sleeping a lot more lately. it was an easier way for him not to fall into the temptation of slipping. he wanted to be more adventurous, go out on his own but he was too stagnant in his biology. when they told him no, he’d throw a tantrum, turning on his heel quickly and hide away. when the other members left to go home, on small trips he was stuck in his room, mopping away. childish? sure, but they never took the feelings to heart. it’s all just biology. felix wasn’t a hard little to take care of. he had his moments sure, but he was never too out of line, otherworldly to the ones that minho’s professors had talked about in his courses. those littles seemed so uncharacteristic, undisciplined, so fake. there was no denying that there were littles in the world that did scary things, run with scissors, greet strangers, run away but they aren’t rare. 

the group had become notorious for their reputation. in public they had become more serious, grounded and centered around their biologies. serious was far from the word. media outlets had noticed as well as fans, especially after the incident with felix. both outlets had respected boundaries, though there were always the occasional out of line fan or photographer. in private, though serious in some cases they were free to become themselves. they had promoted their newest japanese album and the showcase had been nothing but respectful. they’d taken it easily while fully promoting the album. they had no worry, felix had pushed himself before, with the suppression of his headspace, they just hoped this time, he’d be brave enough to voice his concerns if something were to happen and he had, taking more breaks or painfully working all the way through. 

felix hadn’t been able to smile properly in weeks. forced smiles made his way onto his face when playing with his members but it hurt his own feelings. they didn’t know what he was dealing with, why should he smile for them. his thoughts were mean, a bit troubling. he didn’t want to act this way. having a harder outer shell was not for him and his member’s had broken it long ago, why was he trying to piece it back together? how unfair, he sighed.

with a blink or two, he looked down at the calico critter still in his hand. a lamb, wearing nothing but little small blue shorts. he thumbed over the fabric, wondering if his little self had taken the clothes off while playing. it was a new favorite hobby to do. 

he hadn’t been alone in awhile and the sudden eerie change scared him. deep down he knew that if he was really scared, he could call one of his members and they’d gladly talk to him but truly, he wanted to be stubborn and show them that he could be alone. 

he stared down at the tulle of his frilled socks before looking at the lamb in his hand. his feet kicked soft, excitement bubbling up in him. seungmin had been so kind to bring out his playsets for his calico critters before leaving for a cafe so the little didn’t have to reach and climb on the shelves to get them down. 

softly, felix scooted himself down off the couch before sitting on his lilypad, gathering the other critters and displaying them. before he could play, a wave of clarity washed over him and he sighed. if he slipped now, he could get hurt. make a silly mistake and injury himself and scare one of his members. he’d hate for minho to come home and see an injured little felix in the middle of the living room. there was a nagging in the back of his mind, pressuring him to just give in but the boy just sat, whining and waiting for the front door to open. he could feel a panic rise inside of his chest but he choked it down, the sting of his tears burning in the corner of his eyes. 

he wanted to slip, so badly, why hadn’t someone been home with him. frustration grew and soon, felix was curled crying on top of his lilypad with the lamb in his hand. his chest was tight and he was huffing and puffing out his emotions. with an irritated yawn the fight with his frustration conceded. frowns and huffs as he dug his nails into the lilypad, sheer silence on the outfit but a loud fight of balance inside his head.

🐣

surprisingly changbin had been the first to come home. kicking his shoes off at the entrance and placing down his satchel. the apartment was oddly quiet, soft music playing in the background of the home. he walked down the corridor, immediately face to face with a sleeping felix in his lilypad. 

changbin smiled, taking a quick picture on his phone before maneuvering over the playsets to pick up felix. the member shuffled a bit under changbin’s grip but settled down once again immediately. the lamb trinket was gripped firmly in felix’s hand, as changbin walked the two down the hallway to his room. with a slight nudge to his door, it opened, a creak of the door causing felix to shudder.

changbin laid felix down on his bed, not quite tucking him in but letting the little get comfortable as he got changed.

changbin in likeminded fashion had started his day by waking up, eating something small before going to the gym. normally he was accompanied by at least one of his members but today he went solo. the group had their own schedules to deal with today and luckily, he was off the hook. he walked into his closet, finding a quick change of clothes before taking himself to the bathroom.

 with a push to the bathroom door, changbin stepped in, a hand on the door to close it when a disheveled felix appeared. “changbin~.” it was a clear whine for attention.

“hello my lixie, did you sleep well?” changbin asked, opening the door slightly further. the little hugged him immediately, pressing his head into changbin’s chest and shaking his head.

“no?” changbin asked, pouting softly as he hugged felix back and rubbed his back. a sob emitted loudly. 

“it was s-so hard!” felix hiccupped, the shirt on changbin now wet from felix’s tears. changbin let out a hum, rubbing felix’s back.

“but you did so well!” changbin preened. felix nodded in agreement, huffing softly. “let me shower and i’ll come back out and we can hangout, okay?”

“i’m not feeling small.” felix mumbled. 

“felix, i don’t only want to hang out with you when you’re little. now, let me shower, okay?” the older boy checked for a moment, before letting go of felix’s shoulders and backing himself into the shower. 

the defeated boy walked back to the living room, plopping down right on top of his lilypad, pulling his knees to his chest and laying his head sideways to look at the weather. it had been another sunny day and yet, felix had not been able to go outside. technically he had the opportunity to go but he always felt captive. if he had gone out on the terrace, would he be scolded? 

with confidence he stood up, walking to the terrace door and pushing it aside, the sun immediately kissed his face, his freckles preening from the warmth and he hummed in satisfaction. he sat back down on the terrace, looking over the traffic of the city, picking apart the cars from people. he was feeling warmth in the sunlight, eager to fall asleep but he quickly stood up, waving a soft goodbye to the sun and walked into the apartment, locking the terrace door and finding himself back on his lilypad. again. 

he felt overstimulated. indecisive. 

he stood up from his lilypad, having no use if he wasn’t so small and walked to his room. he’d do what he had been doing for years now and avoid slipping. there was no use hanging out with changbin, no use to pretend to be okay. his emotions were his to dictate, not theirs. life would move on, schedules would continue to be changed and he’d still be stuck. frozen in this same moment, he has been for years. he’d have a meltdown, they’ll calm him down, nurture, tell him it’s okay to feel this way and then he’d snap out of it.

he walked into his room, hesitating to lock the door behind him. his hand hovered over the lock before it vanished away with him. the boy fell into his bed, groaning and pouting shamelessly at the wall.

“lixie! i’m out, where’d you go?” changbin was down the hall, freshly washed and dressed, surveying the apartment for the boy. felix’s heart panged, the same feeling he’d experience when letting someone down. they were all so excited and it felt like such a waste.

the creak of felix’s door was heard, yet the boy didn’t move an inch. “are you asleep?” a groan.

would it even matter if he was asleep. his members would just walk right into his room, look around it, sighing at the mess before sitting down on the bed and attempting to touch felix.

changbin had done just that. walking in, cleaning up a few trinkets from their fallen spots and then sitting on felix’s bed. the dip heavy between the two. felix gripped on his blanket. breathing in the smells of his members colognes combined before sitting up and throwing at the head of his bed.

changbin didn’t say anything towards the actions, just smiling softly. felix wouldn’t cry. he’d refuse to do so. he had cried so many selfish tears, this time, he’d keep it in.

“i’m going to the convenient store.” felix stood up, not daring to look back at changbin. in a quick pace, he grabbed a jacket, throwing it on as he exited his room. changbin didn’t protest nor egg him on, he just sat. there would be no point, the caregiver would just pull him back, and have someone else get what felix desired. 

perhaps, changbin knew what was boiling inside felix. knowing that the moment the front door opened, felix would crumble to the floor. crying, a mess of words and hits. 

changbin followed only a minute after, finding the little squatting before the front door, head in his hands. “you left me!” felix cried, the little had barely placed his shoes on, just a mess of laces amongst the neatly organized rack. 

“i did, i’m sorry lixie.” changbin apologized, pulling the boy up into his arms, rubbing soft hands up and down felix’s jacket. 

“you all did! you’re all so selfish!” felix was attempting to hit now but the space between him and changbin was so tight. yet, the older man felt the clench of two fists. “so selfish.” changbin agreed. 

felix attempted to free himself but changbin was adamant on keeping the two tightly held together. “you can yell it at me felix, i’ll listen, i’ll always listen, but don’t you dare try and hit me.”

just then the door opened and seungmin entered, completely oblivious and in a rush to set down his bag and take off his shoes. when he placed his keys in the bowl, he looked up, a hitch in his throat, noticing the sight. felix with the saddest eyes with red and pink splotches all over his face with changbin stoic. 

“hi guys.” he greeted. felix didn’t answer, facing the other way, a frown indenting in his face and changbin nodded. 

“i felt small today and no one was here.” felix mumbled, a stray tear trailing down his cheek. changbin’s grip had loosened up slightly, to which felix took full advantage, shoving the muscles off of him and stomping to his room. seungmin looked at changbin quizzically, ready to trail after felix but a hand halted him. “leave him.”

“changbin, he just told us he’s been wanting to be small all day and you’re saying we should keep him from resisting?” 

the argument couldn’t dare start, because clatter and noise of toys hitting together fell into the sound of the hallway. with soft movements, the two caregivers toed their way to the corridor, peering down and noticing a mound of toys, piling on top of each other. “call everyone. now.” seungmin demanded, walking down towards felix.

in his own room, felix was throwing his toys and plushies out his bedroom door. huffing and puffing. “you all hate me!” felix slammed his door. surely he was being dramatic about the situation but he had no intention of escalating it.

“lix, it’s minnie, i’m coming in.”

“go away!” his head was hurting so intensely. tension and emotions pulling at each other. seungmin entered the room, just like changbin had. felix was crying and backing himself into the corner of his room. “you left me! both of you!” felix was sobbing now, tears and snot mixing and painting his face. 

“i know puppy, i know.” felix was shaking again, terrified at both changbin and seungmin. “you’re okay, i promise.”noise of the front door colliding into the wall and keys and bag charms smacking into each other could be heard. 

felix was quick, running past both the caregivers, stumbling over his toys and plushies and running to the door. it was minho and jisung, laughing at a joke but becoming serious when felix collided with minho. 

🐣

it had been days later. there was no clear conclusion to the outburst, just felix walking on eggshells around his members. for the time being he was once again stuck at home with chan and hyunjin. the two were both off doing their own things, since felix had deemed himself big and had showed them that he was. by doing his own laundry, making coffees for his members before they left and organizing and delivering hyunjin’s paint supplies to him in his room while his caregiver was on the phone with his parents.

it had been lunch time. normally felix would order takeout but today he felt more comfortable making and eating in the kitchen. strict rules were in place that felix had to be watched over in the kitchen, yet he had entered alone, prepping his easy ingredients to make a grilled cheese. soft, fluffy bread, a little bit of butter and his best assortment of cheeses. the blonde was being very careful in his steps. placing the pan on the stove, halting. turning on the stove, setting it at medium, then halting. one step at a time. 

with much more confident, he assembled his grilled cheese, placing it into the sizzling pan and watching it. very very closely. eyes level and close to the stove top. not too close. flip. wait. another flip. lifting the spatula underneath the bread to get a closer look at the toasting bread. with a sigh of relief, he placed his hands in his hoodie pockets, walking away for a moment to do a favor in cleaning up the living room. a few seconds turned into a minute, then a minute into five minutes. he was losing track of time.

he gasped just in time as the fire alarm blaring out into the apartment. he ran into the kitchen, horrified to see a small fire on the stove. there were patters of footsteps and suddenly he was being shielded by another big hoodie, as curse words were being mumbled by chan. 

“open the windows for me!” chan ordered and suddenly, the pale blue hoodie was lost in the chaos of the scenario. the faint of the fog was slowly being forced out by the fresh air of the outside. 

felix’s heart fell into a twinge of regret and anxiety. 

“felix, why didn’t you come get one of us?” chan asked, the pan in his left hand as he was looking right at felix, face in confusion.

“i stepped away for a mo-.”

“that’s the problem lix, you can’t step away when it involves something or someone that can seriously hurt you. you could’ve been hurt badly or even worse, the fire could’ve become bigger.” chan was scolding him now, his australian accent heavy and thick, dumping the burnt grilled cheese in the trash and harshly throwing the pan into the sink. it made a clatter against the metal of the sink which caused felix to flinch.

“you said you were big and could handle it.” the hint of disappointment was enough to make felix crumble. the disheartened look from chan and the way hyunjin was doing nothing by standing between him and the kitchen, as if to act like a barrier.

“i just wanted to cle-.”

“felix it doesn’t matter. you could’ve seriously hurt yourself”. 

“b-.”

“that better not be a ‘but’ felix, end of story. i’ll order takeout while hyunjin makes sure you’re okay. just don’t do it again.” chan frowned, walking past felix and hyunjin to his room. he must’ve left his phone unattended to save felix. 

motionlessly, felix was softly being pushed to the kitchen table where he was sat down in his spot and hyunjin was examining him. both sleeves were pushed up then down. his face held in between hyunjin’s warm hands before a peck was placed right in the middle of his forehead. 

“asking for help isn’t ever a bad thing.” hyunjin noted, sliding in next to felix. the blonde was too much in his own head, biting his lip and nodding. they would tell the others and he’d be watched like a hawk. he’d never be able to do anything ever again.

by the time chan had come back, felix had slipped, hugging hyunjin’s arm and not daring to look at chan. a phone was passed in front of him to hyunjin to which the little hugged hyunjin tighter. 

“order whatever you two want. i’ll set up some toys.” it had been the same toys felix had attempted to put away before causing a scary situation. 

the blonde peeked over his shoulder, watching chan put out the playsets, his lilypad and switched on the tv, a hand on his hip as he did so. the caregiver looked exhausted, his hair ruffled by headphones most likely and head hung low as if he was thinking. 

“lixie, do you want noodles?” hyunjin asked, pointing to one of the menu items on the phone. with a small grunt, felix ignored hyunjin, still watching chan. the caregiver mumbled something under his breath before adding to the cart and checking out. 

the oldest walked back over to the two, taking the phone before attempting to scoop felix in his arms. the blonde still attached to hyunjin’s arm like a koala to a tree. “sunshine let go, hyunjin wants to finish his painting.” 

with a tense two minutes of gripping and a quick sigh of defeat, felix let go, watching the arm fall back into its place. the blonde curled his arms around chan’s neck, inhaling his cologne and watching as he got whisked away towards, presumably chan’s room. he had thought they’d hang out in the living room but his answer was made clear when seeing his toys scattered around chan’s room. his lilypad was just inches from chan’s desk, right inside his small playpen. 

his stomach clenched itself into a knot. “i just need twenty minutes to finish this piece, just be a good boy and wait okay?” chan smiled, setting felix inside the playpen and immediately felix started fidgeting with his hands. he attempted a nod, being lowered down and watching chan take his place in his desk chair, placing his headphones back on. 

the little whined, picking up one of his newest toys and gripping it tightly. he let go of the sensory block and laid himself down, listening to chan’s humming. one of his favorite blankets were in the playpen, a smaller blanket, a giraffe head on top of a smaller green, fluffy blanket square. 

he didn’t fall asleep but laid. for many minutes he stared at the ceiling, a permanent pout. his stomach still hungry from the tossed out grilled cheese. chan’s humming eased him to forget the forgotten meal.

a crack in the door startled felix before chan, causing the little to sit up softly. hyunjin was at the door, holding the takeout bag and smiling. “look at my good boys.” hyunjin cooed. chan had taken his headphones off again, picking up felix swiftly and walking out with hyunjin. “food’s here. i prepped the table. i’m unsure if the others are on their way home. practice seems like it’s running a bit long today.” hyunjin spoke with a slight frown. 

practice had been running long. not necessarily longer than usual but just long. “we won’t bother. they’ll come home when it’s done.” chan smiled, sitting down felix at his end of the table before dishing up the plates. the grumble of felix’s tummy was loud enough for the two caregivers, eyes wide in shock. 

“you can eat, little one. you must be so hungry.” felix nodded, cotton filling his ears. an understanding but no movement to the action. it wasn’t until hyunjin sat next to him, did the little get fed. small bites of the tangy, savory noodles. felix hummed in satisfaction, patiently waiting for hyunjin to let him eat again. 

back and forth hyunjin fed himself and felix. the little yawning, the moment his tummy was full of the delicious food and staring softly at hyunjin and chan. they were engaged in a conversation, something along the lines of a duo song but felix couldn’t be bothered to understand. once again leaning against hyunjin’s shoulder. 

the moments passed and hyunjin was carrying him over to the living room. his routine after every meal. a calm video on the tv and placed right on the lilypad. felix truly felt like he was floating. on a cloud of cotton candy.

his toys were once again scattered around. his calico critters, their own playsets and other accompanying toys. a part of him wished for the blanket in his playpen, but nevertheless he played with some of the toys. well, playing in this sense just picking up and inspecting each one before finding another. 

“his outburst the other day.” chan was somewhere behind him, sighing. they were behind him now, both on the couch, talking about him. he softly swallowed the lump forming in his throat before turning around and pushing a wolf calico critter into chan’s hand. he so desperately wanted to avoid all talk of the other day. 

the caregiver smiled, holding the figure and looking it over. “this looks just like me, lixie, thank you sweetheart.” it was unintentional, but the blonde preened at the interaction. chan joined him on the floor and soon hyunjin followed, a mouse figure pushed in his hand. 

the three attempted to play house but felix was not necessarily keen on the roleplay that chan and hyunjin were playing. he was now in hyunjin’s lap as chan and him bantered about a divorce and court. felix lost their plot. 

the door opened and felix shrunk into hyunjin with a whimper. everyone filed in, shoes being taken off, bags and coats hung. 

“oh! i want to play.” jisung bounced over, sitting next to hyunjin, taking a random panda from the small white basket and hopping into the roleplay. felix watched, holding onto the small fox calico critter and keeping quiet. 

the others walked over, flopping onto the couch and chairs, watching the imagination of their members run wild. felix avoided eye contact with nearly all of them, a nervous flutter in the pit of his stomach. he was nearly curled into hyunjin’s lap when jeongin took a spot right next to chan and right across from hyunjin. with haste, he leaned over, dropping the fox near jeongin’s knee and retreated back into hyunjin’s chest. 

“thank you angel.” jeongin spoke softly, smiling at the shy little in his presence. felix could only feel a bit of happiness seeing his caregivers playing with his toys he loved dearly. he fisted at hyunjin’s hoodie, enjoying the texture, though exposing the skin underneath to the others. 

with curious eyes, he continued to look around, until green fabric was blocking his sight. he whined before noticing the giraffe’s head being held in minho’s hand softly. with grace, minho snatched felix from hyunjin’s lap, and gave the little the soft blanket. 

although minho smelled like a mix of sweat and his cologne, felix snuggled into his shoulder with his blanket covering his face. a sense of calm took over felix and the boy could only whine happily. 

it had been a lot the past few days. yet minho, always seemed to be ten steps ahead and ready for felix to fall onto. there had been changes in the group, new tattoos, piercings, hairstyles and although it was overwhelming for felix, minho was always the one to catch his sight. 

the living room was warm. not with the heightened temperature but with the group, playing amongst each other in the calm of their own home. laughing and big smiles floated amongst the room and for once, felix wasn’t the center of it. he was back on the sidelines, happily so. no tantrum, no reprimand, just a calm nature of his members. 

the blanket was removed from his face, and peering down was minho, with a knowing look. with a shake, felix’s head moved and minho smiled. just like that, minho cradled felix, watching his members chaotically create a messier storyline and play roughly. 

“she loved me first!” jisung spoked dramatically, his critter placed in front of a toy blue car with chan and jeongin characters inside. 

“it’s always love and tragedy with those four.” changbin mumbled, shaking his head and on his phone. 

the night went on as so, felix tucked away and drifted asleep and the members performed oscar award winning performances with felix’s toys. eventually, the scene came to an end, showers were taken, and felix was put down in the playpen in chan’s room. 

“we have to tell him.” jeongin spoke first, standing near the bookshelf. 

the caregivers were put in a difficult position. the lease was up soon and their company had suggested breaking the group into duo apartments. they had known felix wouldn’t mind but it was all going to be happening so soon. a new building, the same building but different apartments. 

“he dislikes change but he, we don’t have much choice but to go with the company’s decision. the movers are coming a day after tomorrow, he’s going to wonder what’s going on.” changbin spoke next.

“i think, the best way is to not trick him. that’s cruel. we tell him, how and why but also, we all have three bedrooms, that third bedroom is for him, if he never wants to sleep in his own apartment, no offense seungmin.” minho said, eyes soft as he spoke towards seungmin.

“no, i definitely understand. he’ll have me all the time, i understand he wants to change from time to time. i also know my responsibility and position. in all honesty, this wasn’t much of a decision for any of us, we all like it here at one place. it’s not as if we’re on different floors, just different complexes.” 

the others nodded. the change was new to everyone. they could all just hope, the moving and new upcoming emotions would be in their own best interests. 

Chapter Text

felix was okay with it. 

it had been a few days after felix slipped, when the conversation started. it was minho who spoke. they were at the dinner table, feeding each other and others when minho announced their agency’s plan. it was in a quick five minutes, felix nodded and understood, agreeing to stay with seungmin before looking around at the shocked faces. 

“what? did you want me to fight the agency?” felix asked, a spoonful of the warm soup going into his system. he was truly unsure how they had wanted him to react. “it’s not like i hold much power anyways. if that’s best for us, then it’s okay with me.”

and so the moving began, loud sounds of tape being secured on boxes and agitated noises from his members as they had to source through each room to indicate what was theirs and what wasn’t. and felix didn’t lift a finger. he watched as his members entered his room, and packed up his belongings, sending them away with the moving company. 

it was overwhelming, overstimulating and overall just a commanding experience. 

🐣

the silence was deafening, well seungmin’s music in the background was a huge help but felix was overwhelmed. the boxes upon boxes of his items were stacked and placed around his new room. though the room was nice with its hardwood and bigger space and window, felix didn’t know where to start, more so, he was afraid to start. 

his bedroom door had been open, seungmin had asked if they could do an “open door” rule for the first week, to which felix agreed to. his hands held each other, staring intently at the boxes as if they’d blossom to life and start moving his room magically. if only. the window was open at least, the calm of the rays of the sun and bugs singing, made felix smile just a crack. 

“lix, are we doing okay, oh.” seungmin bounced in, stopping when he saw the member standing and anxiously awaiting for his room to move itself around. 

“yeah, i-, there’s a lot so i just want to make sure i can envision it.” felix turned around, a toothy expression and eyes crinkled as he looked at his member. seungmin nodded softly, moving himself in to examine the boxes. seungmin had always been quiet and strategic in his ways, there was no doubt he was mentally making a checklist for felix. 

“how about,” seungmin was lifting and moving boxes aside and pointed to one on the ground, slightly being pushed to felix. “we start with your bed and your bedding. do you know where you’d like to put your bed?” seungmin asked softly, looking at felix and patiently awaiting the little’s answer. 

“by the window, i’ll help you move it.” felix nodded, his bed near the window would allow for him to speak to the moon and find warmth in the sun. the sun would kiss his freckles each morning while the moon would lull him to sleep with it’s simple song. 

“just be careful.” seungmin noted, taking one side of the bedframe and scooting it alongside felix. their downstairs neighbor might not be too happy. with a huff, they stepped back, felix analyzing and seungmin looking to felix for any sort of confirmation.

with a grin, felix nodded,”i like it.” seungmin didn’t need to state his own smiling answer back, instead walked over to the box and softly put it near felix. 

“the bed is the hardest part, now it’s just up to you to decorate your bed and adventure with your other boxes. i’ll be in the living room setting up our coffee machine if you need anything.” felix knew seungmin meant his very fancy, very expensive coffee machine. he knew seungmin was going to have a good time making his own station and treating himself to coffee, even in the early mornings.

the blonde didn’t get to nod, instead just dropped to the hardwood and moved the box in front of him to open it. with the tape off, felix pulled out his entire bedding set, a soft blue and yellow mixed set. one by one he pulled out the fitted sheet, then the pillow cases, then his duvet cover and set them aside. he stood, preparing to battle his bed with the soft blue fitted ignoring the thought in his mind to wash them. after a few huffs and curses under his breath he made up his bed and smiled. 

he heard the front door open then slam shut. he ignored the voices in this apartment and picked another random box. plushies and trinkets. his fingers grazed the rough cardboard of the box, hitching a breath when someone knocked on his open door.

“yes?” felix turned softly, looking up at chan who was standing and staring at felix. the interaction felt like a millennium but truly was only a millisecond. 

“your bed looks good there, i’m here to set up your desk.” chan noted, showing off the toolbox in his hand.

“i can do that, it’s no problem. i’ve done it before.” felix spoke, quick to reject chan’s help. 

“after the kitchen incident, i’ll take my chances.” chan laughed, moving into felix’s room. the pain hit felix like a wave. beautiful at glance then rough when it takes you under. 

“okay.” felix spoke, turning around and opening the box aggressively, taking out his plushies and taking far too long to decide their order on the bed. he heard the sound of tools being used behind him but he ignored it, walking past chan and into the living room. seungmin was in the kitchen, organizing their dishes into the cabinets. 

“i’m going to,” he wasn’t sure who he wanted to run to. “someone’s apartment.” he mumbled softly, putting on his shoes and exiting into the hallway. thankfully, there were only three other doors to choose from, within distance to his own. two on the opposite side of the hallway and one just a few feet down from his own. he’d have to take a gamble in hopes of not choosing chan’s, simply so he’d not have to let down jeongin by not entering. two doors to choose and another at a risk. 

he cleared his throat softly, walking slowly down the hall, peering at the doors to see if there were any indicators of who’s apartment was whose. after a headache of contemplating, he went to the door on the left on the opposite side, knocking softly and squeezing his eyes shut.

the door opened softly, to which felix finally took his glance. there stood hyunjin, a book in hand and a pen tucked behind his ear. “fefi?” hyunjin stood confused but opened the door wider.

“sorry, cha-, it doesn’t matter, can i come in… please?” felix asked but hyunjin was already leading him in and closing the door behind him. 

“mind the mess, changbin’s terrible at cleaning up his own mess furniture parts,” felix peered behind hyunjin and sure enough mounds of styrofoam and cardboard pieces littered the living room. “you said that chan hyung said something to you?” hyunjin questioned further but felix just shrugged it off, allowing hyunjin to lead him into their kitchen. 

“it doesn’t matter.” felix mumbled, watching hyunjin place down his book and pen, turning to the cabinet to pull out a glass. “juice? water?”  

“i’m not little.” felix rejected. 

“it doesn’t make you little to drink fluids, fefi. now would you like some juice or water?” hyunjin asked. with a pout, felix put his elbow on the countertop, nesting his chin on top of his hand.

“water please.” hyunjin got to work, ice in the glass, then water. the glass was set before felix and felix smiled at the design. a clear juice glass with white 3d clouds etched into the glass. he took a sip, setting the cup down and playing with the growing condensation. hyunjin only watched, picking his book up again slightly and allowing the silence to flow through the softness of the room. 

felix just wanted a moment to breathe, to lean on someone that wasn’t his own thoughts. 

“i got overwhelmed with the move and unpacking but seungmin helped me at least start to put my bed together.” 

“it’s very much okay to be overwhelmed by moving, i believe we were all against it but it’s what was best for us.” hyunjin softly addressed, the words of his book a mere thought. felix took another anxious sip. 

“i like this cup.” felix smiled, looking at hyunjin’s face for a preening expression and he had found it. hyunjin had finally sat down his book and was annoyingly propped up on his elbows on the counter, smiling back at felix.

“well i suppose this can be your cup for every time you come over.” hyunjin annoyingly booped felix’s nose before standing up again, resting his side against the countertop. felix’s heart shouldn’t have felt fuzzy at that moment. it was silly to be granted such a cup, for it was, just a cup. 

the fuzziness fizzled when changbin entered the apartment and made a beeline for the kitchen, dropping the bags to his feet, snatching the cup and gulping down felix’s water in his hand.

“thanks lix. jinnie, i’m never running errands for you ever again!” bags upon bags soon were then placed on top of the kitchen counter, each one with groceries inside.

“liar, you love me.” hyunjin smirked. 

they had shared many things as the eight. video games, clothing, kisses on the cheek, but something about this cup being gifted to felix then taken away… felix felt childish. he said nothing, setting down the empty cup and watched as the two quarreled. 

“i need to probably go back, thanks hyunjin.” felix faux smiled, scooting off the chair and moving around changbin to leave. he placed his shoes back on his feet, opening the door and exiting. the pit in his stomach soured at his own thoughts.

thankfully seungmin hadn’t locked the door, to which he walked back in and slipped off his shoes. the blonde made a beeline to his room, thankful seungmin was in his own and sighed when he walked in and saw chan, fixing his desk. he glowered, biting his cheek to not say something indecent and flopped himself onto his bed, despite chan watching him. 

it’s like chan knew what felix was thinking because suddenly there was a dip in the bed and hands wrapped around his waist. felix tensed. nothing was said, just a warm kiss to his neck and a long hold. chan pulled back softly, taking his hand and playing with felix’s hair, it was growing so much longer. 

“you don’t need to be upset silently at the move. we all sensed it coming. you can cry lix, it’s okay to let it out, even if you’re not little, we’re all here, i’m right here for you.” the gulp of felix’s throat threatened to move but felix was quick to shake his head. he wanted to speak but only his words would be flooded by his ocean tears. 

he wanted to tell chan about a stupid cup and how he missed the proximity of being near everyone. nothing but soft whimpers and shakes of his head. chan continued to pet his head softly. “i’m right here.” chan whispered. felix swallowed down his tears, the pets of his head softly lulling him to sleep.  

“nap now and i’ll continue fixing your set up.” like velcro, chan detached from felix’s backside, straightening out his clothing and propping himself back down on the floor of felix’s new room. it had been strange to all of them. having to visit each other instead of walking out of their rooms into a room of chaos. 

🐣

when felix woke up, it was dark in his room. his monitor was glowing from its new spot on the desk. he sat up softly, stretching his muscles before swinging his legs over his new bed frame. with a fist in his eyes to rub out the sleep, he stumbled over to his desk, noticing the sticky note. 

we’re having dinner at mine. 

hopefully i set this all up well enough. 

xo, channie 

peering at his monitor’s clock, he saw that it was a little past seven which meant his nap was two hours. with a groan, he stumbled out into the apartment. the lights off, except for one new nightlight in the corner of the unpacked living room, and the windows were slightly cracked allowing for the night air to be welcomed in. 

soft steps led their way to the front door, poking his feet into shoes, unsure if they were his own and grabbing his uncustomized keys. with the door opened, he walked out, locking the front door just in case and following the noise. chan and jeongin’s apartment happened to be right in front of his own. he cleared his throat before raising a hand to knock. embarrassingly he knocked softly and the door swung open immediately. jeongin was standing on the other side, smiling wide and face flushed. “yongbok!” 

felix smiled, walking into the new apartment, glancing around at the new aesthetic. everyone seemed to be gathered in the kitchen or spilling over onto the kitchen table, drinks in hand. hyunjin found felix’s eyes but felix looked at the other six, who were drinking or leaning against the countertop.

”we made you a bowl, it should still be warm.” chan smiled, taking felix from jeongin’s grasp and leading him over to the table, sitting him down and walking off into their kitchen. “we didn’t want to wake you.” hyunjin explained but felix looked down at the darkwood of the kitchen table. soon a bowl of jjajangmyeon was placed in front of felix, with a set of chopsticks. a highly anticipated and custom move in meal. 

felix felt the crawl of eyes staring him down, all of them anticipating his first bite so he hesitated. “can i get water?” he squeaked, averting his gaze from the seven. back into the kitchen, chan went, rummaging through the cabinets, pulling out a plastic sanrio cup. the conversations kickstarted and felix was forgotten about. 

with a smile, chan rushed over, sitting at the table and passing the cup to felix. “thank you for setting up my things. i don’t know where’d i would be without you.” finally the chopsticks rose.

 “no need to thank me. eat up.” chan smiled, sitting back in his chair and watching felix. the blonde took his time while the others talked and drank amongst themselves. there was an awkward wave that washed over felix as he watched his members together. not necessarily a feeling of being left out but a distance, one that he put between himself and the others. he stared back at the table, noticing his bowl and chopsticks gone. with shaky hands he picked up his cup, gulping down the water.

”lix, are you okay? i feel like you’ve been avoiding me since our interaction earlier.” hyunjin had come up from behind him, startling felix to the point of dropping his cup. thankfully, there was only minimal water left inside but it collided with the ground and felix’s heart jumped. soft gasps and eyes stared towards the blonde. his lip threatened to quiver but he held it together as minho and changbin rushed over to clean up the stunned boy and the floor. a few napkins dabbed at his sweatshirt and pants. he’s sure he heard hyunjin's muffled apologies but his brain had become cotton as the scene in front of him played in slow motion. 

there was no doubt he was teetering all day but at this moment, he felt the scales of his brain tilting. without thinking, he let out a sob, one that he had been holding in since early this morning, since he watched his members pack up his room, and since the topic of the move came up. he felt his whole body shake and suddenly warm hands were caressing and burying his glass tears into his skin. anxiously, he moved the hands off of his face and attempted to stand. when his path was blocked, he scooted the chair back and scrambled out of the chair and to the front door. he’d run away from his problems, if it was the last thing he did. 

with haste, he opened the door, cursing himself for once locking his own front door. thankfully, his keys were littered in his trinkets and just had the two keys attached. “felix!” the cotton of his brain didn’t allow him to distinguish the voice as he shoved his shoulder into his own front door after he unlocked the door. he dropped his keys to the floor, not even allowing for the door to shut entirely and kicked off his shoes as he hurried to his room. he was slipping and stumbling into the walls of the apartment. his heart racing, vision hazy and hands tingling.

once he entered his room, he slammed the door shut, locking it and scurrying to his closet to hide inside. his panic attack would rise, it would takeover and then it would drain him.

a few footsteps followed after each other as they entered the apartment. all in a collective sigh as they saw the mess of felix’s entrance. seungmin stayed behind, picking up the keys and tidying the shoes. chan and minho rushed towards felix’s room. chan’s hand grazed the doorknob and he didn’t need to figure out that felix locked the door. though annoyed, he took a deep breath, reached the top of the doorframe and brought down the spare. minho’s face was stoic, waiting for chan to open the door so he could barge inside. within seconds the door opened and minho rushed inside. he found felix in his empty closet, crying into his knees. 

“why must you be so silly.” minho cooed, slowly putting himself inside the closet, lifting felix into his lap, eyes looking at a worried chan in the doorframe. “do you want to explain to me what happened?” minho asked, dismissing chan with a head tilt. felix could only shake his head. 

“later then. understood.” softly he wiped felix’s tears with the back of his hand while holding him tightly. “your room looks very pretty, did channie help?” 

felix knew minho understood that when he was in such a state, he didn’t want to be asked about it, that he’d rather be distracted. minho did a good job taking care of him. not just as a caregiver but as a member, a close friend. minho was often perceived as cold, daunting and hard to please and it made felix feel sad for his older friend. it’s not true. he just loves differently and others might not understand his feelings, but felix did, they all did. 

the thunder in felix’s head caused the boy to groan. the come down of an attack while also a case of sobbing. 

“a cup.” was all that felix mentioned, between clenching his eyes shut, enough to see the rainbow stars in the void of black. 

“the plastic one, the blue sanrio one channie gave you?” a head shake. 

“hyune’s cup.” minho looked up, a look of confusion displayed on his face. for now it would be a riddle but after felix was settled, it would be a new conversation. the two didn’t know how long they sat in the closet for, ten minutes? thirty?

felix had fallen asleep so minho, maneuvered his body in his hold to stand up. quickly he adjusted the boy, walking out of his room and into the living room. chan and seungmin were sat, looking to minho.

“he’s upset about some kind of cup, a cup hyunjin gave him? i’m not sure. seungmin, he’s not slipped yet but he’ll need to drink some water. do you want to sleep with him or…”

chan looked to seungmin who seemed to be listing the pros and cons of his own made up list. “put him in my room. we’ll sleep together tonight.”

with a nod, minho walked to seungmin’s room. the door was already opened, the warm light smiling at the two. seungmin’s room was neat, a little minimal but it made sense for the person he was. though he’d have time to add more later. 

minho laid felix down on the made bed, watching the little frown at the loss of contact. 

🐣

when felix woke up, he was warm. his cheek pressed into seungmin’s chest. soft breathes and loud thumps, whispering in felix’s ear. he pressed further into seungmin, the want for more contact annoying him. he wanted to be engulfed into seungmin’s chest and hidden away from the world. 

seungmin was awake. he could tell the rhythm of his heart. the way it was beating quickly and thumping against felix’s ear. 

“i’m sorry for being a disappointment.” felix whispered, so quietly he didn’t even hear himself. his head was being pet and he heard seungmin reposition his head on his pillow.

“no such thing puppy. no such thing.”

“why don’t you ever get mad? aren’t you tired of me ruining everything? every little moment and i- i can’t even form my thoughts or feelings without exploding.” the blonde was forcibly clutching onto seungmin’s shirt. it was sure to be stretched out. 

“felix. you’re our little. we are your caregivers until one day we aren’t. it’s our responsibility and biology to take care of you.” 

“and you like it? taking care of me?” felix wanted reassurance. the reassurance that even when he feels like he’s the most annoying boy in the world, he has someone, seven other caregivers who will be there behind him.

“we love it puppy, so very much.” the crown of felix’s head was kissed and the swell in felix’s heart grew. 

“don’t ever want you all to leave me.” felix’s lip wobbled, grateful it was buried in the distressed shirt. seungmin only petted the boy’s back, humming softly.

they laid like that for a few moments. the warmth of seungmin’s bed lulling felix back to sleep. in the past, well, a few days ago felix would’ve been sleeping to avoid slipping. now, it felt the complete opposite. he wanted to sleep again, sleep in his tilted state of warmth and comfort and wake up in a haze.

“puppy.” seungmin spoke softly. felix whined in displeasure of being woken up. “we love you very much. big or little felix. sooo much.” his eyes were already closed and he felt the haze take over him. the reassurance weighing itself heavily. 

🐣

by the time the clock hit 10am, seungmin’s alarm sounded. seungmin woke up with a start but felix took his time waking. with an anxious hand, seungmin reached across his bedside table, silencing the alarm. 

“bunny.” felix managed to whimper out. rubbing his eyes and looking around. with sleep still in seungmin’s eyes. he nodded, carrot would be somewhere in felix’s room and the urge to go grab them was low. in a panic, felix became more aware of his surroundings. new room, new house, and just the two of them. whimpers of fear were quick to become gasps of air. 

in a quick scoop, felix was on seungmin’s lap, the caregiver humming something soft as he fiddled with his phone on the charger. with felix’s face tucked into the cotton shirt, he wasn’t watching seungmin’s fingers type on his phone. quickly the phone sat on the side of the bed and the bedside drawer was opened. a soft blue pacifier was pressed against felix’s lips. 

felix made an audibly confused expression at the familiar texture but then opened, eyes glossed over as seungmin pushed it in softly, earning a kiss on the nose as a gentle reward. “my good puppy. so good for me. no fussing, no fussing this morning.” seungmin was smiling at felix. the boy being too far gone for this world. they all often doted on felix looking “too dumb” when he slipped. though it sounded bad, it was a compliment to him being absolutely spaced out and adorable. 

felix let out a pained expression, the noise gurgling softly around the pacifier. his eyebrows furrowed and his lips bobbing softly with the pacifier. “i called you good, is that not enough for my puppy?” a soft finger was brought between felix’s two eyebrows and softly rubbed against his skin. his eyes fluttered closed bringing his long eyelashes with them. 

within just two minutes of rubbing, felix was knocked out again, leaving seungmin with a sleeping little and a hungry belly. being in different apartments now had a price. with just the two, he’d have to provide for felix alone. no problem but it would be difficult alone.

cautious, seungmin took his time regaining blood flow in his legs and stood up with felix. cradling him tight in his arms. felix has been relatively light for his weight so moving him around would be no issue. with light cascading down the walls of the apartment, seungmin walked down the small corridor and into the kitchen. prepping his coffee for the day would be a challenge but one that he’s not immune to. 

felix never stirred in his grasp, even when the mugs clinked together in the cabinet and should’ve woken up the little. little by little, seungmin measured his coffee, ground the beans and then pressed it before inserting it into the machine. the button would be pressed and he’d have to run out with felix, knowing that the machine would stir awake and make itself known to the entire apartment building. seungmin winced at the noise and ducked into the living room, still cradling felix and opened the curtains to allow the sunlight in. he’d be sure to set up the playpen later. 

from where he stood, felix’s soft features were being kissed by the sun. his cheeks full and smushed into seungmin’s chest. his nose was scrunched bringing his freckles along, the constellations of the universe, gathering around the sun. the irritable noise of the coffee machine stopped but seungmin was too invested in looking over felix’s features. they had talked about felix last night, if or when he’d find a partner who’d take are of him but seungmin was struggling to understand why he had a twinge in his heart. one full of jealousy and loss. how one day, he wouldn’t be theirs to hold and nourish. a deep sigh was let out.

a knock on the door startled seungmin. felix stirred but never woke. with quick steps, seungmin got to the front door, not bothering to use the peephole and opened the door. minho stood on the other side, still in his sweats from his sleep. ”i heard your coffee machine.”

minho glanced down at felix, fast asleep with his pacifier bobbing. without hesitation, seungmin passed him over, relieving his arm for a bit. “americano?” seungmin asked, allowing minho to enter. he was about to close the door when jeongin opened his own apartment door, staring at the door wide open across the hall and quickly walking over. he barged in, hearing seungmin grumble under his breath. with one look out the door, seungmin slowly started to close it and smiled when no one else stopped him at the door. 

“two americanos?” seungmin asked, entering into the kitchen and seeing minho holding an awake felix and jeongin right in his face. “can you make me a latte hyung?” jeongin asked, averting his gaze from felix to look at seungmin, the boy standing in the middle of the kitchen and contemplating his answer. “reg-.”

”regular milk is fine.” jeongin cut him off, smiling menacingly before turning his gaze back to felix. his cheeks had been rusted in rose colored blush. his eyes once again glossy and doe. 

“how was he last night?” minho asked, watching seungmin scurry around the kitchen prepping orders. the clinks and clatter of cups and ice stopped for a moment,”he needed a lot of reassurance. we had a good talk, one good enough for him to sleep when he was ready.” 

minho nodded,”i talked to hyunjin. he said that felix came over yesterday. the whole cup thing started because hyunjin granted him a cup “for him and only him” but changbin came home from the grocery and drank from the cup.” minho explained. 

“oh sensitive little lix.” jeongin cooed. the three quieted after the explanation. 

“i suppose i can understand from his view. it’s like giving him a toy but having someone else play with it while he watches. hyunjin’s not in the wrong, i’m sure he didn’t quite understand the significance to felix either.” jeongin spoke again, watching seungmin walk over and divide the coffee cups. they quieted down again, all taking sips from their cups and laughing at felix’s attempt to drink from minho’s straw. 

the kitchen remained quiet. occasionally, they would bring up their nights but it felt like a much needed moment for the three. after a moment, seungmin begun felix’s breakfast, a torn up waffle and a few fresh berries and politely snatched felix’s pacifier from his lips to allow him to eat. eventually, jeongin ended up leaving to shower, which left minho and seungmin. 

“i should probably go too, we should plan something for him today, since he’s little. i’ll text you.” minho smiled, maneuvering felix off his lap and into his chair, bringing the plate along with him. slowly, minho peeled himself from the kitchen table, the doe of felix’s eyes being a gravitational pull. with a lot of “i’m sorry cuties” minho got himself out the door, now with minho gone, it was just seungmin and felix again. 

deep down seungmin cursed to himself, he also needed to shower and with felix little, he wasn’t sure if he could multitask it. felix was still eating so seungmin sat at the table with him, picking up his phone and watching felix cautiously. a text was sent and after a few seconds, the door opened. there was a shuffle of slippers being put on and then a face appeared. it was changbin, dressed for the day in a black t-shirt and black jeans.

annoyingly, seungmin groaned at the face, smiling when he caught changbin’s face faltering just a bit in annoyance. “i was hoping for hyunjin maybe, even jisung, not you.” seungmin sighed, standing up.

”brat, you asked for help and i brought it.” changbin scoffed, watching felix reach for his water. subconsciously, seungmin pushed it forward and attached his lips to the straw. “whatever.” seungmin laughed, leaving to shower. “i’m taking him back with me!” changbin called after seungmin who threw a hand, before picking up felix. there was a coo at the dark purple juices smeared on his cheeks. felix wasn’t bothered with changbin, no remembrance of yesterday’s quarrel.  

in just a few seconds, felix was out in the hallway in changbin’s arms. he whined, his pacifier now gone and his water now left in his apartment. “i know, i know, you’ll get cleaned up and dressed.” changbin kissed his cheek despite the mess of berries that lingered. 

the front door flung open and hyunjin smiled, greeting the two with a wet wipe. “my sunshine!” 

“i- how’d you know?” changbin asked, shocked at the readiness of hyunjin, as he wiped at felix’s face. the little squirmed at the coldness of the wipe.

”i always know. my sunshine! look how cute you are!” hyunjin squealed, taking felix in his arms and blowing raspberries on his cheeks. the little was still in his pajamas but was still flushed from waking up before breakfast.

“i wander what today’s plans entail and i hope it’s something fun.” changbin mumbled.

🐣

it was far from fun. by the time seungmin and other members showered and got dressed, they were called in to start practicing for promotions. they had tried to tell management about felix slipping but they overlooked the little.

cut to now, felix laying on the floor, sweat dripping on the floor as his members got themselves together. he would be lying if he said that the faint ringing sounds in his ears weren’t bothering him. between coming out from his haze and his back injury, he was overall annoyed at the situation but didn’t dare speak on it. in the large mirror, he caught seungmin’s eye watching him and he remembered last night’s conversation. they were all in their own worlds but felix knew, deep down, they were reading him like a book. looking at each other with “those” looks before looking away if they caught his stare. it should’ve bothered him but it didn’t. 

the fluorescent lights felt brighter and the room felt bigger. he didn’t realize he had been zoning out until jisung came over and passed him a water bottle, uncapping it for him as he sat up. “we should be done here soon, i’m sorry you got pulled out of your space.” jisung looked worried, scanning over felix for any sort of wrongness.

”no need to worry, it was nice while it lasted.” felix didn’t realize that he subconsciously allowed himself to drink from jisung until he spoke and saw the bottle lower. felix knew it was instinct and he didn’t fight it. instead he crawled into jisung’s awaiting lap, watching the others in the mirror rest and get themselves together.

”we thought we’d go out to eat, if you need to slip, tap me okay? you know we’ll protect you.” the reassurance was nice and felix knew seungmin had probably snitched on their conversation. he sucked on his lower lip and stopped himself from whimpering but tapped his bare knee softly.

“can you tell me animal facts?”

”of course i can, my princess,” jisung cleared his throat. “did you know that koala’s have fingerprints similar to humans?” felix looked up, shaking his head. 

“very interesting, found that while watching a documentary,” jisung smiled, pushing his glasses up his nose. “hmmm, what about crocodiles can’t stick out their tongues. that’s pretty silly.“

slowly minho approached, dressed for the rest of the night and cooing at the sight. jisung caught him in the mirror and twisted his head to look up. “small?’ minho asked jisung who looked at felix. the twin was examining the little and deemed him small when he noticed felix sucking on his bottom lip. “he’s small.” with a nod, minho left for a moment, digging in a backpack before walking back to the two.

”i’m just going to change him here, should be fine. thank you han for your lame animal facts.” minho joked, laying down a blanket on the hardwood floor. “they aren’t lame!” jisung softly laughed, raising a soft fist.

”whatever, whatever, go get dressed, han jisung.” chan emerged, bending down to pick up felix so jisung could get dressed himself. jisung pouted before wandering to the back of the practice room and picking up his gym bag. 

“alright angel, down we go.” chan smiled, lowering himself down so he could place felix on the blanket. minho got to stripping felix quickly. felix had different plans, like squirming and finding the reflections of hyunjin who was squishing jeongin more entertaining. 

“honey boy, i need you to stay still.” minho laughed. felix’s shirt was off and now he was trying his best to put on the hockey jersey over his wiggly head. with precision, minho got his head through the hole, blessing the god’s above for being a cat tamer part time. 

“you two are no help!” minho softly scolded, felix’s pants being pointed to hyunjin and jeongin. chan took over, putting on felix’s jean shorts while minho asked the others. next came felix’s socks, off with the old and on with the new. chan picked up felix, giggling at the standing hair on felix’s head. he stood up, booping felix’s nose. 

“you two, clean this up,” minho tsked, pointing to the blanket that needed to be folded as well as felix’s old clothes. “and don’t you dare throw them in his bag.” minho spoke, pointing the hairbrush at jeongin accusatory. minho turned, standing up alongside chan and started brushing down felix’s hair. his hair had been getting long. with a baby hair tie in his fingers, he got to work, brushing felix’s hair into a half up and half down style. 

“alright, it should be okay.” minho mumbled, looking at chan who nodded. minho walked over to felix’s backpack, examining the folding done by the two and nodding. jisung finally entered with changbin and seungmin after.

”who’s ready for kbbq!”