Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

when the doorbell rings one saturday afternoon in march, it’s not what momo’s expecting.

“dahyun-ah?”

it’s an odd sight, seeing the younger woman in front of her. especially since, as far as she knows, dahyun’s supposed to be in america.

“um. hi, unnie.”

she’s just as pale as momo remembers. paler, even. despite the fact that winter’s three seasons from now, dahyun looks as if the first snow’s already here, shivering slightly and shifting weight from one foot to the other, the cold seeping in to her bones somehow.

“…i thought…you were in the states?”

it’s been so long since momo’s last seen her, she’s startled at how much she hasn’t changed. in the best way possible, of course, with her jet black, pristine hair, her soft, round cheeks that still have some of her baby fat, and her wide, sunny smile that takes momo back to college.

and yet, something is wrong.

dahyun shrugs.

“i, um, thought it was time to head back for a breather.”

she’s quiet. that’s the next thing momo realizes. the dahyun she knew would have been all over her in a matter of seconds, a burst of energy like no other.

“right…it’s…good to see you?”

momo winces slightly at the sound of uncertainty in her own voice. she’s sure dahyun notices it too, but in spite of that, she gives momo one of her trademark wide grins, a smile she was known for back when they first met.

and yet, something is wrong.

“i know it’s been a while, but…it’s good to see you too, unnie.”

a familiar flush comes over her. damn. all these years, and dahyun still manages to do the same things she did back when they first met. it’s like she’s back in college again, with some adolescent crush.

“i…like your hair.”

momo offers. there’s one main difference to dahyun. her hair is shorter now, much shorter, barely even reaching her chin in length, styled in some sort of lazy wolfcut. it’s out of place. dahyun always loved having long hair.

“thanks. i, um, cut it myself.”

momo clears her throat, pulling her glued eyes away from dahyun’s appearance to address her directly.

“how long are you going to be in the country?”

dahyun hums.

“well…probably for good. america’s…um, not what i thought it’d be.”

she’s not surprised dahyun’s quickly moved on from “the american dream.” aside from it being a total sham, dahyun was always one to move on quickly from something when it didn’t interest her.

the question is, why now? in their late 20s, when everyone seems to be settling, just from first appearances, it seems like dahyun’s still trying to find a place to put her roots down.

“have you tried europe, maybe? i hear the weather there’s a lot nicer.”

dahyun giggles, a light and airy noise. momo had almost forgotten how beautiful it sounds, like wind chimes on a kindly spring day. the accompanying smile is just as light, and easily encourages momo to smile as well.

and yet, something is wrong.

“i did. try, i mean. europe. it was okay. but there’s no place like home.”

dahyun looks straight at her when she says the word home. momo’s not sure how to feel about that.

she shifts in place, revealing the bags that are behind her.

“sorry about this but, um, i just wanted to ask for a favor.”

it’s then that momo sees it. or feels it, rather.

there’s something in the air around her, momo thinks, as dahyun stands in front of the door to their house. it’s thick, viscous, and looming, making momo still in her tracks. it chokes the air around them, her breath hitching unconsciously.

it’s wrong. all of it is wrong.

in spite of that, dahyun has the biggest smile on her face, her bags behind her as she leans in close.

”can i stay over for a few weeks?”

and in spite of everything, of their history, momo can’t think of any other answer.

“of course, dahyun-ah.”

sana scrubs through the dish one more time, trying to get every bit of grime off.

“you have a nice house.”

it’s fully cleaned already, sana’s sure, considering she’s been washing the same dish for about a full minute now. but it’s the last dish, and once she puts this away, she won’t know what to do with her hands.

“o-oh? thank you, dahyun-ah.”

she isn’t able to stop her voice from shaking, and mentally, sana checks over her appearance once more. she’s still in her work clothes, except her blazer’s been replaced with an apron, for washing dishes. it’s a subconscious habit, checking herself, one she only picked up when dahyun started hanging out with them.

“yeah, it’s in a good neighborhood. it’s quiet, not much trouble, there’s a mall and park nearby, and there’s even a kindergarten near here.”

sana tenses. she puts away the last plate.

“…i mean, um, if that’s in your plans.”

dahyun adds it on, like an afterthought.

she wipes her hands on the apron, before taking it off and hanging it on one of the pantry knobs. when she turns around, she sees dahyun in the living room of their house, eyes roaming over the many framed pictures sana’s taken care to set up in their shelves.

many of them are from college, which is why sana thinks she sees the distinct fondness in dahyun’s eyes. it makes sana’s chest tighten.

“how has everyone been doing?”

so, she’s not in contact with anyone else. or hasn’t been. it makes sense. if there was anyone she should have been talking to, it should have been sana or momo. but she hadn’t been talking to them. even when she should have been.

“they’ve all got their own lives now. nayeon-unnie and mitang are off in the countryside. they took over mina’s family farm, if you remember.”

dahyun nods, and sana almost curses herself for adding that last part. of course, dahyun, of all people, would remember the smallest details about her friends. that was her.

“jeongyeon-unnie and jihyo-unnie are working in the big city with that firm of theirs. you know how they are, ambitious as always.”

recollecting the current exploits of their former group of friends is nostalgic, but it’s nowhere near the nostalgia sana feels, just seeing dahyun in the flesh.

“chaeyoung-ah and tzuyu-yah finally put up that café of theirs. it’s pretty cute, we usually go there when we visit their city.”

dahyun has a soft smile on her face, hands tracing over a framed picture of the nine of them, all smiles and laughs.

“yeah…everyone’s doing fine.”

sana’s voice has a certain quality to it as she says those words, like she’s reassuring dahyun. she’s not sure why. dahyun nods, satisfied with the answer.

and then her eyes are on sana’s, head tilted curiously to the left.

“and…um, you two?”

you two. how could sana even begin to answer that? in the first place, they weren’t supposed to be only two.

“we’re…fine. we…well, we got married. if…if you heard.”

considering it was only a few weeks ago, there should be a bit more enthusiasm to her voice. but there isn’t. in fact, it sounds hollow to her, devoid of meaning.

“i heard.”

it’s barely a whisper that leaves dahyun’s mouth, and sana can almost see her lower lip trembling. almost.

“congratulations.”

the ring on sana’s finger shines. its sheen isn’t as bright as it usually is. sana’s not surprised.

“…thanks, dahyun. that…means a lot, coming from you.”

dahyun laughs, faltering and weak.

“does it?”

it would have, if she actually went to the wedding.

sana doesn’t respond.

“i’ve set up your room, dahyun-ah.”

momo’s quiet as she enters the room. sana’s not sure if she’s grateful or disappointed for the interruption.

dahyun’s eyes flick, from sana to momo. then down to their hands, where a simple silver band is wrapped around their fingers.

then she bows, formal and polite. as if they didn’t spend four of maybe the most important years of their lives together. as if they don’t know who she is anymore. as if she’s a stranger intruding in someone’s home.

and at this point, she might as well be.

“thank you.”

their breaths are quiet in the darkness of their bedroom. measured and slow. the covers are getting uncomfortable at this point.

“do you know why she’s come back?”

momo shakes her head, hands running through sana’s hair, an attempt at easing the younger woman’s discomfort.

“she said she needed a break. from what, i’m not sure.”

their voices are silent, and they usually are when they talk to each other in the dead of night like this, but with a new body taking up space in their guest room, it’s as if every utterance of words is muffled, for fear of waking her up.

“that sounds like her. but…why now? i thought…she’d never come back.”

the admission isn’t something new. in fact, it was a fear they shared, many moments after college spent crying to each other during nights like these.

“i…i don’t know, satang.”

“a-and why us? she could have gone to…to nayeon-unnie, or to jeongyeon-unnie, or chaeyoung-ah and tzuyu-yah, i just…”

sana closes her eyes, slightly shaking.

“…i don’t know what to do with her here.”

momo’s next words are as quiet as she’s been since dahyun’s arrived.

“i don’t think there’s anyone else she should have gone to.”

sana’s breath falters, and she chokes slightly on her own words.

“momoring, she…you know how i feel about her.”

momo’s hand goes down to sana’s, squeezing lightly.

“and you know how i feel about her too, right?”

sana squeezes back, and even though they can’t see each other in the dark, they instinctively seek each other’s warmth, curling around each other’s body.

“is…is this a good idea? having her…having her here with us? it’s been so long since college, you know, i…things won’t be the same. i don’t know if she’s changed, but…you and i definitely have.”

momo wraps her arms around sana’s middle, spooning her as sana inhales sharply.

“i’m not sure, but…can either of us really turn her away?”

sana doesn’t respond to that, because she knows neither of them could ever hope turn kim dahyun away. they’re quiet for a bit, both of them stewing in their own uncertainty.

“i’m just…a little scared.”

momo tightens her hold around sana, arms clenching tightly.

“me too,” she whispers.

the two of them lie there quietly, until they fall asleep. when they do, a space forms in between their embrace, not from a growing distance, but from the subconscious knowledge that there should be a third body in between them.

momo blinks at the sound of the stove going. wasn’t it her turn to cook breakfast today? she sniffs and immediately blanches, the smell of something burnt making its way to her nose.

she turns into the kitchen, where she finds dahyun, tongue sticking out and attempting to pry a burnt piece of toast off of the pan.

“what are you doing?”

dahyun almost leaps into the air from momo’s voice, and momo has to stifle her laughter at the sight of dahyun’s wide eyes.

“o-oh. um. unnie. good morning. i didn’t think you’d be awake. i was just…”

dahyun stares helplessly at the burnt piece of toast.

“…burning bread?”

there’s mirth in momo’s tone, and it feels a little out of place. dahyun only got back yesterday, and she’s still not sure how to feel about her coming back after everything.

“i just…wanted to make you breakfast or, um, something.”

she’s touched, of course. usually momo makes breakfast for them, when she has to wake up to head to the office. sana’s job doesn’t start until later in the afternoon, so usually it’s momo up first.

dahyun looks apologetic, curling into herself as she turns the stove off. she’s biting her lip, almost as if she’s ready for a scolding.

momo almost lurches forward, to pull the younger woman in her arms. her hands are already outstretched, a familiar, subconscious act that even she’s not aware of until she’s halfway there.

but she doesn’t, stopping halfway through, and pulling her arms to herself to cross them.

“we have a toaster, you know?”

she clears her throat while speaking, an effort to get rid of the lump inside that forms when she finds that she’s not exactly sure of where dahyun’s place is in their lives anymore.

“…you do?”

dahyun blinks owlishly, looking around the kitchen.

it’s hard, momo thinks, to keep such a strange distance from dahyun when everything she does beckons some sort of endeared reaction from momo.

if this were seven years ago, momo would have already pulled dahyun into her arms, planting kisses all over her face just for how adorably useless she was.

but it’s not seven years ago. momo’s different now. a little older, a little more mature, and a little more aware of the fact that love doesn’t always go the way you want it to.

“…yeah. it’s in this cupboard.”

it just sucks, because with dahyun right here in front of her, momo almost wants to fall back into that naïve state of mind where anything is possible as long as they love each other enough.

she pulls a toaster from one of the cupboards, plugging it in. dahyun watches her, quietly, disappointed, momo thinks.

“…can you pass me a couple of fresh pieces of bread?”

momo looks towards dahyun, who blinks momentarily, before her whole body brightens up, immediately going over to the wrapped plastic where their loaf is.

“y-yeah! okay!”

it’s amazing, how much of a hold dahyun has on her, even after all these years.

dahyun hands her three pieces of bread, one for each of them, and momo takes them, eyes taking in dahyun’s form as she smiles shyly, cheeks lightly flushed in embarrassment.

sana was right, they have changed. they’re much different people now.

“thanks, dahyun-ah.”

so, why is it that momo finds herself wanting to go back to the way it was, before dahyun broke their hearts?

sana closes the door behind her softly, a tired exhale of breath leaving her. the kids really put her through the ringer today. if she had to extract another smattering of clay from a five year old’s hair, she’d shave them bald.

“oh. um. hi, unnie.”

the voice makes her deflate. she’s not in the right headspace to deal with this right now. she might end up saying something she doesn’t exactly mean.

“hi, dahyun-ah.”

her tone is curt and quiet, and she hopes that this conversation isn’t going to draw itself out. a bit of a paradox, she feels, considering that dahyun’s voice naturally brings a lift to her shoulders. she wants to hear more of it, something she’s not sure she should be feeling.

“how was your day?”

sana hums, slipping off her shoes and tucking them into the shoe rack by the door.

“it was alright. one of my kids threw paint and clay into another of my kids’ faces, so i had to stay back for a bit to clean up.”

it’s funny when sana thinks about it. the whole reason she was in this job, teaching kindergartners, was because dahyun gave her the idea. sana always was good with kids, after all. even if she didn’t like them as much as dahyun did.

“oh. yikes. that sounds tough.”

she shrugs. just like any other day, she supposes. kids can be rowdy, after all.

“they’re just kids. they have their fun with each other, as long as it doesn’t get too out of hand.”

dahyun nods thoughtfully, before standing up from where she is on the couch.

“um. do you need help with your stuff?”

sana blinks, looking down at the teaching materials she had to bring to the school.

“i…yeah, sure.”

dahyun almost scurries to her, eagerly taking some of her stuff to lighten her load, even if it wasn’t that much in the first place.

sana uses this time to inspect dahyun. she’d spent the first few days with her here trying to avoid even looking at her, so now is a good time to renege on that.

dahyun looks as if she hasn’t changed at all except for a few things, maybe slightly taller, her hair much shorter, and in general just a little bit slimmer than before, which is a little concerning, but in essence, it’s still her.

that same girl who became their roommate, spent all of her college years with them, then eventually left with no word whatsoever.

sana clenches her fist at the thought, unconsciously crumpling the papers in her hand.

“um. unnie? are you okay?”

okay? is sana okay? no, she isn’t. far from it. why would she be, when such a vital part of her life has come back out of nowhere, when she’d made peace with the fact that she was never going to come back?

“i…”

how is she supposed to feel about this? she’d spent so long wishing dahyun would come back, and now that she’s actually here, all she can feel is disappointment and anger. why even bother coming back?

but as usual, sana says nothing.

“…i’m okay, dahyun-ah. just tired.”

unfortunately, dahyun’s always been quick on the draw. she picks up on it immediately. sana hates that she’s actually thankful for it this time.

dahyun bundles up sana’s things in her arms, turning her head away.

“i, um, will put your stuff in your study.”

dahyun’s finally come back. she’s here with them, with sana and momo. just like they’ve always dreamed of.

and yet, as dahyun walks away from her, a slight slump to her shoulders, all sana can feel is a strange, misplaced feeling of loss.

“are you sure i’m not intruding?”

dahyun asks, three days after she’s arrived. it’s dinner time, and the soft question that leaves her mouth stills movement from both older women.

neither of them are able to answer outright. dahyun almost curses herself out loud. of course, she’s intruding. what was she even thinking, going back after all this time?

“um. because i can go somewhere else. i can ask chaeng? if they’d let me stay over, i mean. i don’t want to be a burden on…your bills or whatever.”

her fingers are tapping along her thigh, nervous energy trying to disperse. she wants to run. run far, far away. coming back was a bad idea, and the uncertain looks momo and sana are shooting each other just prove that.

“it’s not that, dahyun. you know we…we don’t mind having you here, it’s just…”

sana trails off, fingers fiddling with her utensils as she looks to momo for help. that’s always the way it’s been between them. sana knew how to speak lightly, in easy conversations. momo knew her way around serious discussions. together, they helped each other maneuver around what the other had difficulty in.

momo clears her throat.

“we’re just…concerned.”

it’s as if momo’s choosing where to place her feet while hanging on the edge of a cliff, with the way she speaks. every word’s cautious and wary. dahyun doesn’t like it.

“um. do i snore too loud? i can tone it down. i know sana’s a light sleeper.”

she goes to humor as a failsafe. humor always works in tense situations. it’s her go-to social maneuver when she doesn’t like how a conversation’s turning out. it’s always been her way.

the corners of sana’s lips curl just the slightest bit, but only for a moment. momo is more open, and a faint smile draws upon her.

“we’re worried, dahyun. about you.”

dahyun lets out a strained breath. they’re worried. about her. they shouldn’t be. not after college. she was the one who cut herself off from everyone.

“you used to talk about going overseas during college so much, and now you’re back. what happened over there?”

she shrugs, and crosses her arms, staring down at the food, away from their furrowed brows and concerned glances.

“i just…wasn’t feeling it.”

“seven years of no contact with any of us, and you come back to our doorstep like it’s nothing, just because you weren’t feeling it?”

dahyun winces at the pressure in sana’s voice. this is why sana’s not good with serious conversations. she always has a tendency to hit where it hurts, not even on purpose.

momo puts a hand on sana’s wrist, and dahyun realizes sana’s shaking. the way she shakes when she’s about to cry.

she’s messed this all up.

it’s only been three days, and everything’s wrong already. now what, she goes back to the states? saliva pools in her mouth, and she swallows, uncomfortably clearing the tightness in her throat.

“i can, um, leave. it was on short notice, so i get that, um, it’s kind of…hassle? i guess. really, it’s fine.”

run, her body tells her. run like you always have. she shouldn’t be here. she should have just stayed in america, where at least she knows her stay would be easier on everyone, even her family.

but who is she if not selfish?

sana doesn’t say anything, and it’s then that momo’s voice hardens.

“we just want to know the truth, dahyun. why’d you come back after all this time?”

the truth. the truth is that dahyun is one of the most selfish creatures on planet earth, that all she wants is to live as peaceful a life as she can, that all she wants is for the three of them to go back to the way they were, before they graduated, before she left, and before she went on some misaligned journey around the world to fix herself.

but she can’t say that.

so she settles for a smaller truth. one that isn’t as magnanimous or significant as the one she carries in her chest, but is important nonetheless.

she looks back down at her food, the lump forming in her throat again.

“…i, um, i missed you two. that’s…that’s why i came back.”

the words hang over her like a death sentence, and if the table was silent before, it’s nothing compared to the unearthly quiet that has somehow been beckoned to the dining room.

sana’s breath hitches, and when dahyun looks up, she can see the unshed tears shining in sana’s eyes. momo’s the same, head stubbornly looking down, eyes locked onto her unfinished plate of food.

dahyun takes that as her cue to go.

“um. i’ll pack my things. i can just stay at a hotel or something.”

she’s a fool for thinking that things were going to go as she planned. that she would come back, into the welcoming arms of sana and momo, and everything would be just like they were before she left.

dahyun stands hurriedly, not eager to break down in front of them for the umpteenth time because of her aching heart. she turns, to head to the bedroom where all her things are.

until she feels soft, slim arms curl around her waist, hauntingly familiar in this foreign house.

“god, dahyun-ah.”

sana’s voice trembles as it sneaks up to her, her head tucking into the crook of dahyun’s neck, sniffing.

dahyun can feel her own eyes beginning to blur and irritate, tears that she doesn’t deserve to shed beginning to form.

hands close around her own as momo steps in front of her, eyes as soft as they’ve always been when they look into dahyun’s.

“we missed you too, dahyunnie.”

the dam breaks, and the tears come flowing down dahyun’s cheeks. she hates the feeling, especially when she can see momo’s own tears come spilling slowly, especially when she can feel a wet spot form in her shirt where sana’s eyes are hiding. she should be imprisoned for making two of the most beautiful people she’s ever met feel this terrible.

then again, what she has now is far worse than just prison.

she buries her face into momo’s shirt, tears coming freely now. momo lets her, quietly shushing the quiet whimpers that choke out of her mouth.

there’s more she isn’t saying. she knows that sana and momo have obviously picked up on it, but they don’t know the specifics. dahyun wants to keep it that way.

ignorance is bliss, and bliss is the least sana and momo deserve after all she’s done to them.

“you can stay with us.”

she’ll make sure of it, until her time’s up.

“um. unnie?”

momo peers over her phone, eyebrows raising.

“yes, dahyun-ah?”

in front of her, dahyun’s standing in the middle of the grocery aisle, holding two cartons of milk in her hands.

“what kind of milk does it say we should get? skim? or whole?”

momo looks at the small sheet of paper sana handed her before they headed out. her handwriting is pretty, but nowhere does it say whether the milk they should get is whole or skim.

“…it doesn’t say.”

dahyun frowns, looking at the backs of the carton, her eyebrows pinched in the way they do when she’s trying to solve some inane puzzle. momo chuckles just seeing it.

“okay, so…skim means that there’s no fat, but more sugar or artificial sweetener. whole means it’s straight from the cow, so it’s all natural, but it’s got some fat in it. what do you two usually get?”

momo never thought she’d be in this situation, dahyun helping her with groceries in the picture perfect image of domesticity. it’s endearing, and momo can feel her heart warm just at the sight of her.

“who knows?”

momo shrugs, smiling helplessly at the milk conundrum dahyun’s currently in. dahyun rolls her eyes.

“some help you are, unnie. sana-unnie trusted us to get the groceries, i don’t want to disappoint her.”

leave it to dahyun to take grocery shopping incredibly seriously. momo usually doesn’t do the groceries, but when she does, she usually gets something wrong, so maybe it’s good that dahyun’s here.

“should we just get both?”

momo shrugs. the image of dahyun here, in front of her, just as she’d always dreamed of, still has her in a bit of a chokehold, staring at her form.

“unnie, are you even listening to me?”

dahyun pouts, and momo’s nineteen again, in their dorm room, trying to figure out how to split the rent three ways.

“yeah. yeah, i am, dahyun-ah.”

momo smiles, and it’s not because she knows the answer to the milk riddle dahyun’s posed to her.

“and?!”

dahyun gesticulates wildly with the two cartons of milk. momo can’t help but laugh again.

“we get both.”

dahyun grins, tucking both cartons of milk into the grocery cart.

a week into her stay, and dahyun’s acclimated nicely, it seems. she’s adamant on helping with the daily chores that are usually split between sana and momo, but they seem to elude her for some reason. hence, momo accompanying her.

now, dahyun’s taken a cereal box, eyes narrowing at the nutritional content, before shaking her head and putting it back.

“didn’t know you were such a stickler for health.”

it’s an idle comment, full of amusement, but momo takes note of the way dahyun momentarily stills.

just like she used to do when she lied.

“we’re getting into our thirties, unnie. we need to start taking care of what we put in our bodies.”

dahyun hasn’t changed that much. unlike the rest of them. momo’s beginning to realize that.

there’s still something she’s not telling them.

but that’s okay. dahyun may not have said anything before she left the last time, but that was in the past.

“if you say so, dahyunnie.”

dahyun smiles at momo, and she knows it’ll be different this time.

“ack!”

sana sighs as she hears the yelp. that’s the third time.

“um. unnie?”

it’s full of exasperation and fondness, the way she sighs. like one would at a clumsy puppy that managed to bump into a door several times.

“yes, dahyun-ah?”

“the carpet got stuck in the vacuum cleaner again.”

sana puts down her broom and dustpan once more, turning to the woeful dahyun, who’s staring in dismay at the corner of the carpet currently being sucked up into the vacuum cleaner.

“okay, turn it off first.”

dahyun does as she says, then blinks up at her innocently, as if this isn’t her third time doing this.

“then, you press the button that unlatches the vents on the vacuum.”

she fumbles a bit, searching with her hands, even with sana pointing right at the button. sana can’t help but giggle. when dahyun said she wanted to help with spring cleaning, she initially welcomed the help, but it turned out she was pretty much useless with chores like these.

“here, why don’t you use the broom instead? i’ll use the vacuum.”

dahyun physically deflates, staring up at her with wide eyes.

“but…the vacuum’s cool.”

sana has to stifle another giggle and resist going up to dahyun to squeeze her for being so cute.

“well, it’d be cooler if you didn’t get something stuck in the vacuum every now and then.”

dahyun flushes, holding the vacuum protectively to her chest as she does.

“i wanna use the vacuum.”

she’s like a child, whining about using her favorite toy. sana sees no problem in indulging her. she’s always spoiled dahyun, after all.

“alright, but if something gets stuck in there again, i’m not helping you, okay?’

dahyun nods fervently, pulling the vacuum cleaner away from the carpet and glaring at it. sana shakes her head, again in exasperation and fondness.

“why do you want to help with spring cleaning, anyway? you never used to help when we were back at the dorm.”

dahyun pauses, both in speech and movement, and for a few moments, the only thing sana hears is the whirring noise of the vacuum cleaner.

“i just wanna…do my part. i don’t want to freeload off of you and momo-unnie.”

sana softens. dahyun’s always had a sense of duty to the two of them. it’s only gotten worse since she’s returned.

“you don’t have to, dahyun-ah. you know momoring and i are just happy to have you here.”

her hands clench onto the vacuum cleaner, and sana can see dahyun stare into a corner for a bit, lost in thought. then, she shakes her head.

“i don’t want to be too much of a burden, unnie. not when i…”

she trails off, and then begins to clean with the vacuum again, not bothering to elaborate.

this happens sometimes now. dahyun begins to elude to a bigger reason as to why she’s returned, then catches herself before she can say anything more. it’s honestly infuriating, sana just wants to corner her and get the truth out of the younger woman.

but she doesn’t want to scare her off, not when she has the eyes of a stray cat that’s ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble. it’s been so long since she’s gotten to hold dahyun in her arms, she isn’t about to just give it up.

so, she’ll wait. dahyun will come out with it eventually, she thinks, whether or not she means it to. she’s always been a bad liar, especially to sana and momo.

for now, she’ll be okay with this, watching her fit into their lives like the third puzzle piece that was always meant to be there.

“ack!”

sana sighs again. this time with more fondness than exasperation.

“um. unnie? it’s the carpet again.”

“okay. three seconds, no pop, and it’s good. three seconds, no pop, and it’s good.”

dahyun repeats it to herself, again and again, like a mantra. she counts in her mind, eyes locked on the rotating bag inside the metallic contraption.

it pops incessantly, and every pause, dahyun narrows her eyes.

pop.

one.

two.

three.

“yah!”

she slams her hand down on the button that opens the microwave, yelling all the while.

the door opens, revealing a full bag of popcorn. she beams. another job well done. with delicate hands, she pulls the piping hot bag out of the microwave, letting out small “ooph!” and “haah!” noises at how hot it is.

“everything okay in there?”

she hears sana call out, probably over how noisy she’s being.

“yeah! i’m good!”

she pours the popcorn into a bowl, the buttery smell making her sigh in contentment.

“well, hurry up, then!”

dahyun takes the bowl into her arms, then scurries back into the living room, where sana and momo are comfortably perched on the couch, waiting for her to play the movie.

“took you long enough.”

momo smirks, remote in one hand, other hand around sana’s shoulder.

“i didn’t want to burn the popcorn, unnie.”

sana giggles lightly, pulling the blanket further over herself and momo.

“silly. you’d have a harder time burning the popcorn over cooking it properly.”

momo’s quick to intervene, snickering all the while.

“oh, i don’t know about that. you should have seen her when she first got here. that poor piece of bread.”

dahyun pouts as she places the popcorn down on the coffee table.

“unnie! you said you wouldn’t mention that to sana-unnie!”

they all giggle, and dahyun’s heart lightens at the sound.

they’ve taken up their place in the corner of the l-shaped couch, arguably the best place to stay, as momo’s got her legs outstretched on one part of the couch, and sana’s curled up on the other part.

dahyun swallows.

and she sits on the other end of the couch, an awkward distance away from the two of them.

she wants nothing more than to curl up and cuddle in between sana and momo, just like they always used to do during movie nights in their dorm.

now, though, she doesn’t want to push her luck. she’s already gotten this far, dahyun would rather not ruin anything. she’s being selfish enough, just being here.

“dahyunnie?”

sana’s voice calls her out of her reverie, the two of her favorite people looking curiously at her.

“a-ah. um, yes, unnie?”

sana tilts her head, brow furrowing.

“why are you so far away?”

momo’s peering at her, too, eyebrow raised.

“oh. um. well. i just thought, um, you guys need your space?”

the way she phrases it as a question has the living room turn quiet for a moment, and dahyun’s afraid she’s said the wrong thing.

then sana smiles softly at her.

“we saved a spot for you, dahyunnie.”

momo chuckles in tow.

“kept it warm and everything.”

the two of them part to create a perfect, dahyun-sized hole in between them.

dahyun’s eyes tear up treacherously, and she sniffs, rubbing at her eyes quickly to try and hide the fact that she’s so emotional these days.

she’s not sure what she’s done to deserve this. she’s been anything but cruel to them, just up and leaving at the height of what they shared with each other. they should be shunning her from their home, much less from movie nights.

“dahyun? are you okay?”

the two of them are looking at her, worried, and dahyun is again reminded of how much she doesn’t deserve this. not when she’s as selfish as she is.

“s-sorry. just. butter, in my eyes. i think.”

it’s lame, and sana and momo can see right through it, but she wants to preserve at least some form of her own dignity and not break down bawling in front of the two of them.

someone takes her hand lightly. whether it’s sana or momo, it doesn’t matter much to her, not when that hand pulls her close, into that perfectly sectioned niche in between them, where she sits, where she’s always meant to be.

“sit down so we can start the movie already, dahyunnie.”

momo’s voice is gentle, soft, and everything dahyun wants to hear right now.

“here, have some blanket. it’s getting colder these days.”

sana spreads some of the blanket over dahyun’s legs, warmth encapsulating her form.

the two of them converge on her, momo’s arm wrapping around her shoulder, safe and secure, while sana leans her head down on dahyun’s lap.

god, how right it feels, to be in between minatozaki sana and hirai momo. heaven paints a pretty picture, but none of it as vivid as the colors dahyun feels when the two of them are next to her.

momo rubs her shoulder softly. sana caresses her hand gently.

dahyun almost cries again, half out of relief, half out of guilt.

they end up not playing the movie, staying on the couch that way until they all fall asleep, the popcorn going stale.

“i’m home.”

dahyun’s head lurches upward from where it’s resting on the table, pillow entrenched in between her arms. her eyes are drowsy, a bit of drool leaking down her cheek.

momo’s heart twinges at the sight.

“o-oh. unnie. welcome home.”

welcome home.

to hear those words coming from dahyun fills momo with such a warm feeling, it’s impossible to describe in length how happy she is.

“why are you still up? it’s late.”

dahyun blinks blearily, looking at the clock in their living room.

“oh, i—” she yawns, cutting herself off. “—wanted to wait for you to get home.”

it’s too good to be true, momo thinks, that dahyun’s here and saying these things to her, just like they’d giggled about when they talked about their future back in college.

“so, you stayed up and sana didn’t? my own wife?”

there’s a playful tone to momo’s voice, and dahyun picks up on it, obviously, rolling her eyes.

“she’s in the shower, unnie. stop being so dramatic.”

momo chuckles, then closes in behind dahyun, leaning down to wrap her arms over dahyun, burying her face into dahyun’s shoulder.

the younger woman sighs at the warmth, hands coming up to softly grasp at momo’s arms.

they stay like this for a moment. it’s as if momo’s exhaustion is evaporating, just being in dahyun’s presence like this. she wants to hoard it all to herself, the way dahyun makes her feel.

although, she probably shouldn’t, considering how much sana loves it just as much as she does.

“unnie, you’re grimy. go take a shower so we can head to bed.”

momo laughs into dahyun’s shirt, only pulling her closer.

“let me savor this, alright?”

dahyun obliges, only humming in response and turning on the chair to give momo more access to herself.

“how was work?”

momo’s voice is muffled, the way she speaks into dahyun’s shoulder.

“same old. corporate law stuff. boring.”

dahyun chuckles, hand rubbing a particular sore spot in momo’s back, causing her to sigh.

“whatever happened to being the best dancer in the country?”

momo pulls away, managing to look almost slightly offended.

“who says i’m not?”

the two giggle to themselves, like children on the playground keeping a secret.

having dahyun in this way is something she’s always dreamed of, momo thinks. she’s had her before, but not like this. momo never thought she’d get to have her like this, in her arms, with barely any fear of losing her.

it calls to mind everything they used to be in the past, when all they needed to worry about their grades and being able to pay rent on time, when they didn’t care about anything else in the world except each other.

the atmosphere slows, and suddenly momo’s inches away from dahyun’s face, eyes locked so intensely onto the younger woman’s.

“dahyun-ah…can i kiss you?”

she asks, because of course she does. a lingering tension’s come over them since dahyun’s arrived, and momo would be a fool to ignore it. but that doesn’t mean she wants to force it.

dahyun swallows, her throat bobbing. it doesn’t seem like she trusts her voice, because she can only nod.

momo leans in, pressing her lips against dahyun’s, the feeling all too perfect, and all too familiar.

they’ve shared so many kisses like this, almost a lifetime ago, in the privacy of their dorm room, in locked college bathroom stalls, in empty and quiet school classrooms.

but none of them compare to kissing her like this, in the safety and security of their own home, where momo can call dahyun her own and not have to worry about what comes next.

when she pulls away, she can feel dahyun chase after her, lurching forward even as momo leans back to look her in the eye.

dahyun’s cheeks are flushed, and she’s slightly out of breath, shifting in her chair.

“that was a long time coming.”

momo can’t help but say, affection plentiful in her tone.

“hah…i agree.”

dahyun’s voice is quiet, more than it’s ever been since she’s arrived.

momo closes around her again, taking dahyun in her arms as if she’s something precious to behold, like a priceless treasure or a fragile piece of art. and in a way, she is.

“i love you, dahyun.”

and she embraces her back, her arms slipping right underneath momo’s as they always have, hands sneaking up her spine like electricity tingling down.

“i love you too, unnie.”

momo’s not going to let go this time.

“teacher! there’s a pretty lady at the door!”

sana turns away from where little jisung’s been bickering with minho, eyebrow furrowing.

“pretty lady? who is it, yuna-yah?”

the spitfire of a kid chirps up.

“i don’t know! but she was really pretty and her skin was super white!”

sana flushes. there’s only one person that can be.

“she says she has your lunch!”

right. in her hurry this morning, sana may have forgotten to actually bring her lunch with her.

“alright. yeji-yah, please watch over everything, i’ll be back in a bit.”

the eldest among her students, yeji nods, an uncharacteristically serious look on her face as she’s entrusted with the wellbeing of her classmates.

sana chuckles, before heading off to the door of her classroom.

dahyun’s sitting idly by one of the waiting chairs, eyes wide and taking in the hall, decorated with painted pictures that the kids made themselves.

“hey you.”

sana grins, bright and full as dahyun looks in her direction, face lighting up.

“hi, unnie.”

she walks towards her as dahyun stands up, lunchbox in hand.

“you forgot this at home.”

sana takes it, warmth spreading through her chest as her hands graze past dahyun’s. how childish is it of her to want to leave her lunch at home all the time, just so she can see dahyun like this? never mind that she’s been seeing her every day at home for the past few weeks.

“you didn’t have to come, you know. you could have just had it sent over.”

sana much prefers this, however, and she knows dahyun can see that, as dahyun gives her a soft but shy smile, tucking her hands behind her back.

“i just…wanted to see you.”

sana doesn’t restrain the urge to coddle dahyun anymore, and pulls her close, arms wrapping around the younger woman’s shoulders and back as dahyun lets out a small yelp of surprise.

“unnie! we’re in public!”

it’s a heated whisper full of reluctance, but the way dahyun’s arms naturally sneak around the small of sana’s back say otherwise.

“i don’t care.”

she doesn’t. maybe she used to, sometime in the past. how the three of them looked to other people was always a point of concern back then.

but after everything that’s happened, it’s only taught her that moments like these come so sparingly, and that they often flitted away before she even knew they were there.

this time, she would savor them.

sana leans back, and dahyun’s face is a proper tomato, full red on her pale cheeks.

“are you done, unnie?”

dahyun pouts, crossing her arms.

“no.”

sana says, as she cups dahyun’s cheeks, pulling her in for a kiss.

she doesn’t resist, and the feather-soft touch of her lips on sana’s makes the reality of the situation all the more clearer to sana.

dahyun is here. and dahyun is hers.

sana giggles into the kiss, lips parting as their breath intermingles. if possible, dahyun only turns redder as they pull away.

“now, are you done?”

she leans in again, this time a quick peck on her lips as she squeezes dahyun’s hand.

“now i am. i’ll see you at home, okay?”

dahyun nods, straightening out her clothes and trying to fix herself proper.

“okay, unnie.”

sana flashes her a smile, as giddy and as childlike as the kids she’s teaching.

“i love you, dahyun.”

and dahyun returns it, hands still tucked shyly behind her back as she flushes once more.

“i love you too, unnie.”

when sana goes back into the classroom, yuna pinky-promises her she won’t tell momo that sana has another wife.

it’s bliss.

there’s no other word to describe it.

dahyun’s the first to wake up, in the wee hours of the morning, and cooks breakfast for the three of them (or at least attempts to). momo’s the next to wake up, kissing dahyun on the forehead as she attempts to salvage the inevitable mess than dahyun’s created in the kitchen. sana’s the last to wake up, still yawning and grumbling as the three of them eat breakfast to the sounds of a quiet, spring morning.

momo leaves for work soon after. she kisses sana and dahyun goodbye, then drives to work. it’s fifteen minutes away on a good day, thirty minutes on the regular. sana’s the next to go, kissing and hugging dahyun for a good five minutes until dahyun pushes her away, saying she’s going to be late. she walks to the kindergarten, just a few minutes away from their house. dahyun watches the house in their absence, keeping herself busy with books and tv shows.

sana comes back after sunset, usually tired from having to manage around twenty hyperactive kids that don’t do what you tell them to unless you bribe them with toys or snacks. dahyun usually puts her stuff away as sana relaxes on the couch, dahyun joining her soon after.

momo comes home at different times, and sometimes dahyun and sana have to eat dinner without her. when she does come home on time, a proper meal’s been cooked for the three of them, courtesy of sana with a little help from dahyun, as the three of them talk quietly about how their day’s been.

then they take showers. sometimes, they take turns. other times, they share the bath, cramming themselves in and giggling all the while. they go through their nightly routine together, before piling themselves into a bed only meant for two people.

it varies from here. some nights, they talk. they reminisce on college days, or they catch dahyun up on what she’s missed. other nights, they make love. making up for lost time, momo would say, as dahyun’s face would be completely red, sana giggling all the while.

most nights, though, nothing happens.

that is to say, they lay quietly in the darkness of their room, momo’s hands combing through dahyun’s and sana’s hair, sana’s arms curled around dahyun’s and momo’s torsos, and dahyun’s body pressed into sana’s and momo’s warmth.

nothing happens these nights, and yet, everything happens, as they bask in each other’s presence, particularly in the presence of the one who’s been gone for so long.

these nights are the best nights. when all is right in the world, and three souls are together where they are meant to be.

and it is on one of these nights when that bliss finally peels away, the truth no longer able to hide behind ignorance.

it starts with a cough.

it doesn’t sound any different from any of the other coughs dahyun’s had, of which there have been quite a few in recent days.

but this one doesn’t stop.

it cuts through the nighttime quiet like a knife through the thick air.

“dahyun? are you okay?”

momo sits up, flicking the bedside lamp on as dahyun coughs into her hands.

“water, i’ll get some water.”

sana immediately leaps to her feet, rushing out of the room as momo pulls dahyun to sit upright.

dahyun hasn’t stopped coughing.

by the time sana returns with water, momo’s gone pale with worry, each cough shaking dahyun’s body like a tremor.

“drink, dahyunnie.”

sana lifts the glass to dahyun’s lips, the younger woman balling her hands into fists as she greedily gulps from the glass.

when she finishes, she’s pale, paler than usual, sweat building on her temple as she smiles weakly.

dahyun clears her throat, loud and ugly as she smiles weakly at the two.

“i-i’m okay.”

sana frowns.

“that didn’t sound okay, dahyun. are you sick?”

momo presses the back of her hand to dahyun’s forehead, her cheeks, and her neck.

“you’ve been coughing a lot more recently too.”

dahyun stills. the way she does when she’s about to lie.

“it’s nothing, unnie. really, i’m fine.”

sana grips dahyun’s wrist firmly.

“it’s not nothing, dahyun. what’s going on?”

dahyun opens her mouth, only to cough again.

it’s only once, but it’s enough. because it sounds ugly, painful, and terrible as dahyun brings her hand up to her mouth to cover.

when she pulls her hand away, all they can see is red on dahyun’s palm.

“oh my god. dahyun, you—”

momo’s eyes are wide at the sight of blood, gaze flicking from dahyun to her hand.

“i-i’m going to call an ambulance.”

sana’s voice is shaky, arm reaching for her phone on the bedside stand.

“no!”

in a rare burst of speed, sana’s hand is pulled back by dahyun’s, the older woman slightly shocked at the show of force.

“dahyun?”

momo’s voice is scared, and for good reason.

dahyun’s shaking. no, not just shaking. she’s shuddering. her eyes glisten with unshed tears and her mouth is trembling as she shakes her head vehemently.

“no. no hospital, please.”

her voice is raspy, and sana cringes at the sound of it.

“dahyun, you’re coughing up blood, you need to get—”

“not the hospital, please.”

dahyun’s pleading. she rarely does that. she rarely needs to, considering sana and momo are all too willing to follow her every whim. but not this time.

“what’s going on, dahyun?”

momo’s voice is hard now, but concern shines through as the highlight of her words. sana turns on dahyun as well, eyes searching for the younger girl for answers.

it’s like a band-aid, dahyun supposes. you rip it off in one go. except dahyun’s been picking at this one, slowly and surely, and in doing so, she’s caused the most amount of pain.

dahyun realizes one thing, when sana and momo are looking at her the way they do, confused, scared, and worried.

she is selfish.

“i’m dying.”

Chapter Text

it’s lung cancer.

because, of course, it is.

“you’re…you’re kidding, right?”

sana’s trembling. dahyun sullenly shakes her head.

“what…what stage?”

momo’s trying to stay strong, but the way her hands are gripping the bedsheets so tightly give her away.

“…four.”

dahyun whispers. sana lets out a choked sob, her hands over her mouth.

“you…you need to get treated. chemotherapy or something, right? we need to…to bring you to the hospital, dahyun.”

momo’s voice is getting heated, obviously aggravated.

dahyun simply shakes her head again.

“no?! what do you mean no?! dahyun, you’re fucking dying! you can’t just ignore this!”

dahyun stays quiet.

“y-you’ve been hiding this from us this whole time, haven’t you?”

sana’s looking at her, eyes begging her to finally tell the truth.

“this is…this is why you came back.”

the revelation strikes momo as she inhales sharply, the way dahyun further shrinks back only confirming her suspicions.

“you came back because…you found out?”

dahyun’s quiet for a moment, until she responds.

“i…i wanted to get my affairs in order.”

it’s dark. the way dahyun talks, it’s as if she’s trying to show that it doesn’t bother her, but the way her breath has turned unsteady is a sign of the contrary.

“your affairs in order? dahyun, are you hearing yourself?”

momo shakes her head in disbelief, wondering how exactly this all went wrong.

“d-dahyun, we can fix this, you…you just need to go to the hospital, and we can…we can get you the treatment you need…and everything will be okay.”

sana’s hyperventilating at this point, and it sounds as if she’s talking more to herself than to anyone else.

“i…i think i have enough in my savings. we just need to find a good hospital somewhere around here. we can ask jeongyeon-unnie. she’ll definitely know someone or somewhere we can go to.”

momo nods incessantly, building off of what sana’s saying.

“there’s no point.”

dahyun’s words cut through both of them.

“no…no point?”

sana whispers back.

“dahyun, you can’t…is this it? you’re not going to fight this?”

momo grasps dahyun’s hand, not believing dahyun’s words.

dahyun merely shakes her head, a defeated smile on her face as tears pour down her cheeks.

“i already tried, unnie.”

sana holds dahyun’s other hand, on the verge of tears herself.

“w-what do you mean?”

dahyun exhales slowly.

“…seven years. i’ve been gone for seven years.”

and then it dawns on them.

“you…this is why you left?”

momo’s gone stock still, pale white.

“i was…i was diagnosed in senior year. it was stage two at the time.”

sana’s hand slackens, mouth agape as she stares at dahyun.

“my parents wanted…wanted to be sure, so they booked this fancy hospital in the states. we…we have a history of it. lung cancer, i mean. that’s why my parents wanted to be sure.”

they’re staring at her, each word coming from her materializing the dread in their stomachs.

“at first we thought it was alright, because it hadn’t spread, but…then it metastasized. stage three. my parents brought me to europe to see this special expert or something, but it didn’t pan out, so we went back.”

they’re crying now. all three of them. sana’s breathing has shallowed, hands covering her mouth as she shakes. momo’s tears are flowing freely, but it’s like she hasn’t taken notice of them, too caught up in dahyun’s words.

“i…i fought. all i’ve ever wanted to do was fight. it would clear out, we thought i’d be okay, but then the cancer would come back, and i’d have to do it all over again.”

dahyun’s hugging herself, arms trying to provide some semblance of warmth as she rocks back and forth slowly, eyes closed as she tells her story.

“then…early this year, it progressed again. stage four. the doctors gave me ten months. that was in march.”

it’s june now. the end of spring.

“if i underwent any treatment, the doctors told me it might extend those ten months up to a year, maybe two. that is, if the chemo didn’t kill me first.”

the surrounding neighborhood’s always been quiet, but not like this. now, it’s as if the whole world has closed them out, the door shut on the three of them.

“i…decided to stop fighting.”

dahyun exhales again, slowly, gathering her breath again.

“my parents tried to convince me otherwise, but…once they saw that i wouldn’t change my mind, they didn’t protest anymore. they said i could go anywhere, do anything, and they’d support me. so…”

dahyun looks up at the two other women, who are coming down from the shock, now only filled with a terrible, cold feeling that sinks in their chest.

“…you came back.”

momo finishes, her breath no longer angry, only quiet and cold.

dahyun nods, looking back down at the bed they’re sitting on.

“why…why’d you stop fighting, dahyun?”

sana asks, but even then, both of them already know why.

“the only reason i ever fought was so i could come back. to…to this. to you. what would be the point of all those years if i couldn’t even see you before i…?”

dahyun hugs herself tighter at that.

“i…i didn’t want to…to go alone, in a cold hospital, so far from everyone i…everyone i love.”

she closes her eyes, not bothering to wipe away the tears.

“i just wanted to see everyone one more time.”

she buries her nails into her own skin, leaving marks.

“i just wanted to see you two one more time.”

she swallows, raw and ugly as she clears her throat.

“before i…before i pass.”

there’s quiet in the room. no one knows what to say. and who would?

so many years, spent in the wake of dahyun’s departure. so many years, being sad and angry for the wrong reasons. so many years, believing they were abandoned.

they weren’t wrong. they are being abandoned. just not on purpose.

“dahyun…i…”

momo reaches out her hand, an offer for dahyun to hold.

she hesitates, and she can see momo’s heart break with every second she doesn’t take it.

she eventually does, but her hold is weak, anxious.

“i…we…we love you. you know that, right?”

her eyes flick towards sana, who’s shifting in her place, eyes still red and teary as she looks at dahyun’s hand.

dahyun reaches out, and sana takes her hand in the blink of an eye. she holds her hand in both hands, fingers trembling as she runs them over dahyun’s.

“w-we love you, dahyun.”

sana affirms, and even with how shaky her voice is, it still holds strong when she says something she believes in.

dahyun doesn’t say anything, but she nods.

“you know that…and you know that we’d do anything for you. anything. right?”

dahyun nods again, and by the second, momo’s voice is getting firmer, more stable as she tries to be the anchor for her girls.

“so…so if you tell us that this is what you want…you know we’ll support you.”

a fresh wave of tears comes over sana as she sobs, momo reaching over to clench her other hand. dahyun rubs as comfortingly as she can, but it’s hard to do that when all she wants to do is cry as well.

“is…is this what you want? to stop fighting?”

a haunting silence comes over the three.

dahyun nods. her lips part to speak, and in her face, sana and momo can see the exhaustion, the fatigue, the weariness in dahyun’s face, seven years of it.

“i’m…i’m tired, unnie.”

it breaks their hearts. hearing just how tired dahyun is, seven years of being alone, all because she wanted to come back.

with that, momo brings dahyun close, into a hug, sana close behind as they close in on their youngest.

“we’ve…we have you, dahyun.”

dahyun begins to sob, loud and wretching as the dam finally breaks.

“you don’t need to fight anymore.”

all sana and momo can do is hold tighter as her cries get louder and louder.

“you’re here with us, dahyun. you’re not going anywhere.”

sana whispers, her own tears refusing to stop pouring as she clenches as tight as she can.

“we love you. so, so much.”

momo cradles dahyun’s head in one hand, the other snaking around sana’s back.

“unnie…”

dahyun whispers only one thing in response, and it’s enough to break all three of them.

“i don’t want to die.”

in the darkness of the night, three cries intermingle, sorrow and desolation overtaking what used to be one of the happiest places in the world.

it’s not bliss anymore.

it’s the truth. cold, hard, and ugly.

but with it, comes levity. and a freedom that they didn’t have before.

things change.

they all wake up early now. they prepare breakfast together, even if their kitchen only fits three people. they make a mess and giggle when dahyun burns another piece of bread, when sana gets pancake batter on her nose, when momo flips an omelette perfectly.

they go to work together. sana drives momo to work, and she kisses the two of them goodbye. then she and dahyun drive back to the kindergarten, where dahyun occasionally helps sana with the kids.

they finish after sunset, and even though they’re tired, they cook dinner, packing it into portable lunchboxes, and they drive to momo’s workplace, where they wait for momo to finish, talking and playing around in the parking lot.

when momo comes out, they have dinner together in the car, trading stories and laughing over jokes until it’s time to go home.

they arrive at home, and everyone’s tired. but they still do their nightly routine together, all the way up until they cram themselves into bed.

the nights have changed too.

talking becomes more frequent. sana and momo are all too eager to know what’s happened in dahyun’s seven years, now that she can speak freely.

making love becomes more frequent as well. nights like those are more passionate, more heartfelt, as they express their love for each other knowing now what they have to lose.

there are no more nights where they do nothing.

if they’re not talking or not making love, they’re crying.

sometimes, only one of them cries. the other two comfort her, wrapping her in warm blankets and soft embraces. other times, two of them cry. the third does her best to remain stable for both of them as she coos and whispers hushed reassurances.

most nights, it’s all three of them. they try and stand strong for one another, but how can they, when all of them are so caught up in the love they have for each other that they can’t even begin to fathom the pain of losing even one of them?

usually it’s sana who cries first. she’s always been the one who’s felt things on a deeper level. when she sees her unnie cry, dahyun can’t help but shed a few tears as well. and if both of her girls are crying, momo’s not one to hide how she feels.

this is the truth. dahyun tried her best to prevent them from seeing it, but it’s showed itself anyway.

but it’s a good thing, she supposes. she no longer has to tiptoe when she talks, no longer has to watch what she says, no longer has to walk on eggshells. there’s no more hiding for dahyun.

dahyun can cry, and they will understand. they will comfort her. they will take her into their embrace and say that they are here, and they will not leave.

that is perhaps the most important part.

“summer’s here.”

momo comments, a light breeze washing over them as they walk down the pathway. she’s got one hand shoved into her pocket and the other holding dahyun’s hand, fingers interlaced.

“yeah. i love the sun. it’s a nice change of pace.”

as if to demonstrate her point, dahyun stops for a moment under the brightness of the sun, a particularly luminous ray hitting her in the perfect spot. a big smile forms on her face, one that warms momo’s heart.

“a little too hot for my taste, but to each their own, i suppose.”

she chuckles, and dahyun shoots her a faux-glare. they stroll down the pathway, hand in hand. the park’s got quite a fair bit of people, probably since the weather’s pretty good today.

momo wouldn’t consider herself an outdoor person. the only reason they’re at the park is because dahyun asked. and momo would never turn her down.

“why’d you want to come out here, dahyun?”

dahyun shrugs at the question, gaze still fixed on the sky as she traces the outlines of the faint clouds in the sky that wander by.

“i just wanted to go out for a bit. somewhere outside our usual places.”

momo nods. their routine isn’t getting tiring, in fact, momo loves it. but the need to see other things is something that resonates with her as well.

“america and europe not good enough for you?”

she teases, and dahyun lightly shoves her, giving her an exasperated smile.

“i didn’t get to go out very often, you know. all i got to see were white walls and and white beds.”

they quiet after that. for a second, momo’s afraid that she’s made a mistake, drawing the topic back to dahyun’s condition.

“let’s sit down, unnie.”

dahyun leads, and momo follows, as they sit down on a bench overlooking a stretch of grass in the center of the park. children are playing, people are jogging or walking their dogs, the sun’s shining a fair bit today.

“it’s a nice day.”

dahyun hums, legs swinging back and forth on the bench.

“not as nice as you, dahyunnie.”

momo’s line draws another roll of the eyes from dahyun, but an exasperated smile comes upon her lips.

“you’re so cheesy, unnie.”

momo presses a kiss to dahyun’s temple, squeezing her hand.

“only for you and sana.”

they watch the grass for a while like that.

“i wasn’t lying before, you know.”

momo turns to look at dahyun, curiously.

“i’ve always wanted to go to america.”

she listens, dahyun’s eyes lost in that faraway gaze again, where she sees something in the distance, far from where they are now.

“i wanted to…go to new york, times square and take in all the pretty lights. the golden gate bridge in san fran. mount rushmore. hoover dam. the grand canyon. niagara falls. hollywood.”

momo’s heard of these places, and she’s never really shown interest in them, but the way dahyun’s speaking makes her want to see them all.

“a roadtrip across america would have been really cool, too.”

dahyun sighs, looking down at the ground, and it’s evident that the wanderlust that had always been so present in her never really went away.

“so, why didn’t you? your parents said they’d support anything you wanted to do, right? why not go on a roadtrip? to all those places?”

she shakes her head softly, hand squeezing momo’s.

“it wouldn’t have mattered. not if you weren’t there with me.”

momo stills.

“in all my dreams of traveling, unnie, you and sana-unnie were always by my side.”

dahyun confesses, faint smile forming on her face as she watches children playing tag across the grass near them.

momo clenches her hand.

“i have…we have money. we can go. anywhere you like. north america, south america, europe, asia, wherever.”

dahyun leans her head onto momo’s shoulder as momo tenses in determination, for dahyun’s sake.

“i’ll take you wherever you want to go, dahyun.”

and she will. she doesn’t care if she has to file for an extended leave, nor if she has to leave all of her work unfinished, not even if she gets fired.

if that’s what dahyun wants, by god, she’s going to get it.

“that’s okay, unnie.”

the warm sun of summer is nowhere close to the biting chill of winter, but it is a warning of what is to come next.

despite that, dahyun softly laughs, closing her eyes as momo leans her head onto dahyun’s.

“i’m already where i want to be.”

“alright, everybody, let’s all say goodbye to each other!”

a number of high-pitched, childish yells reverberate through sana’s eardrums.

“goodbye, class! goodbye, teacher sana!”

the kids are all excited to go home, and honestly, so is sana. her bones are all tired from having to carry children down from those darned trees in their playground.

“let’s all say goodbye to teacher dahyun, too!”

if possible, the yells get more excited, and sana’s not sure whether or not she’s jealous that the kids like dahyun more, or sympathetic, now that dahyun has the kids’ attention.

“see you next time, kiddos!”

but for whatever reason, dahyun seems to revel in their attention, entertaining the most inane of questions and assumptions from the kids.

her students file out of her classroom, excited cheers and hollers out of being dismissed.

as soon as the last kid leaves, sana straight up collapses in her chair.

“that tired, huh?”

dahyun chuckles, collecting papers on the kids’ desks that are full of doodles and scribbles.

“don’t even get me started. i love them, but i’m just glad they’re going home.”

sana sighs in relief, quiet finally overtaking the usually noisy classroom.

“do you want to head home already? or do you want to catch your breath for a bit here?”

she slumps her head into her arms on the teacher’s desk, letting out a groan at the thought of having to drive.

“i’ll take that as the latter, then.”

dahyun giggles from out of sana’s periphery, the sound of papers being filed being the only white noise in the room, almost lulling sana to sleep.

then she feels a kiss on the back of her head.

“if you fall asleep like that, unnie, your back problems will only get worse.”

dahyun’s standing over sana as she sits in her chair, eyes shining with mirth.

sana spins the chair in her direction, patting her lap. dahyun takes the gesture, sitting down on sana’s lap as sana’s arms curl around her middle and sana buries her face into dahyun’s shoulder.

“ah, i’m exhausted, dahyunnie.”

“from dealing with kids? they’re like, half your size, unnie.”

sana grumbles, increasing her hold on the younger woman when she laughs.

“yeah, but they have twice the energy. did you see how jisung jumped down from the monkey bars, hit his head, and still managed to run around as if he didn’t have a swelling bruise? that kid’s going to have brain damage, i swear.”

“i did see that. i thought it was quite charming.”

considering dahyun was the one who pressed a cute cartoon bandaid to jisung’s forehead, sang him a little song to stop him from crying, and pressed a kiss to the bruise, sana’s not surprised.

“i’ll bet you did.”

she mutters, and dahyun giggles.

“unnie, are you jealous of jisung because i kissed his bruise?”

sana pouts, entirely caught in the act as dahyun giggles some more.

“well…yeah. should i not be?”

“jisung’s a kid, unnie. if i had one of my own kids, then i’d—”

dahyun stops herself before she can continue. sana can feel dahyun’s breath hitch and throat clog as the thoughts swirl. sana knows why, immediately softening her hold, rubbing dahyun’s side softly as she whispers her name in comfort.

“dahyunnie.”

among the three of them, dahyun was always the one who wanted kids the most.

“i…i know, unnie. it’s just…idle dreams, i guess.”

the idea of a small momo, a small sana, or even a small dahyun, running around their little home, laughing and cheering makes sana’s heart ache.

sana’s not sure what to say, so she hugs dahyun tighter, hoping to convey all of her feelings theough her touch. by the way dahyun’s softly stroking her arm, she can tell dahyun understands.

“it’s funny. i’ve always wanted a kid. a cute little girl. but i never even thought once about what i’d name her.”

dahyun’s voice shakes slightly, and sana prays that she doesn’t cry, because if she does, then sana will cry, and her classroom might not be the best place for it.

“i always used to wonder why my parents named me dahyun.”

it’s an idle thought, and sana can’t help but answer it.

“i think dahyun’s the most beautiful name i’ve ever heard.”

dahyun says nothing to that. she only leans further into sana’s touch, eyes fluttering shut as she dreams another dream that won’t ever come to fruition.

sana holds tightly.

dahyun. it’s a beautiful name.

“we should hold a party.”

dahyun says one night, as sana’s twirling a finger through dahyun’s hair, as momo’s tracing the lines on dahyun’s palm, as they bask in the quiet of the night.

“a party?”

dahyun nods, stretching out the hand that momo’s not holding out against the space above the bed, measuring it against the ceiling.

“yeah. then we can invite everyone to come. and we can eat snacks and play games and have fun. just like old times.”

old times, when the nine of them were all living in the same rented dormitory, old and presumably haunted, but with the cheapest rates on campus.

“that sounds nice.”

momo nods, holding up her hand to press against dahyun’s, the size difference making dahyun pout and momo chuckle.

“yeah, it sounds like fun.”

sana buries her hands into dahyun’s hair, massaging her scalp, softly smiling at the low groans of satisfaction that leave dahyun’s mouth.

“do you think they’ll come?”

dahyun doesn’t shun from the affection. far from it. she revels in it. it’s all she’s ever wanted for the past seven years. she’s not going to deny herself of it any longer.

“of course, they will. why wouldn’t they?”

it’s hard to say for sure. they’re all living their own lives now, caught up in their own ordinary troubles and mundane problems. dahyun’s not sure if they can spare the time.

“we haven’t seen each other in a while, so they’ll definitely make the time.”

sana and momo aren’t the only people who dahyun technically abandoned. there’s no guarantee they’ll all receive the news that dahyun’s back in the same grace they have.

“do you think…they’ll be mad at me?”

dahyun buries her face into sana’s chest, sighing as sana continues to massage her scalp and as momo begins to knead her palm.

“they might be. i know chaeyoung’s still mad.”

she winces, but she’s held firmly in place by sana’s arms that wrap around her.

“but she won’t be mad for long. you know her. burns twice as bright but only half as long.”

chaeyoung always has been quick to aggravate.

“do you…want us to tell them, dahyunnie? about…your condition?”

dahyun thinks for a bit, then shakes her head. sana expects the response, choosing only to hum as dahyun explains.

“i don’t want to ruin the mood with it. maybe…maybe after the party?”

momo nods, her hands creeping up over dahyun’s back to gently push and massage sore spots.

“okay, dahyun. anything for you.”

the soft ministrations on dahyun’s head and her back lull her into sleep, fully comforted by the two warm bodies that are next to her. she whispers, her eyelids drooping as she snuggles further into sana’s chest.

“i love you two.”

they whisper back, holding the most precious woman alive in their arms, only the best of care reserved for her.

“we love you too, dahyun.”

there are a variety of reactions when they all see dahyun.

“holy crap.”

nayeon drops the handmade cake they’ve made for the party. she’s quick to hug dahyun, then pinch her everywhere, just to make sure that she’s real and corporeal.

“d-dahyun-ah?”

mina’s mouth hangs open, eyes widening at her form. she recovers quickly and gives her a seemingly nonchalant hug, but dahyun catches her staring at her a few times, as if she’s seen a ghost.

“oh my god.”

jihyo straight up faints upon seeing her, falling into jeongyeon’s arms. then, when she wakes, she begins to fuss over dahyun’s appearance and wellbeing, like a doting mother.

“where in the world have you been?”

jeongyeon probably takes it the smoothest, greeting dahyun kindly and grinning brightly at her. she plays second mother hen like jihyo, making sure she’s eating right.

“…”

chaeyoung slaps her. then she leaves.

“i’m sorry, i better go get her.”

tzuyu bows, gives dahyun one very tight hug, whispering about how much she’s missed her unnie. then she follows after chaeyoung, leaving the house.

dahyun could almost fall to the ground, crying softly at her best friend’s rejection, if not for the two women that immediately go to make sure she’s okay.

“hey, hey, you’re alright, dahyun. it’s just chaeyoung being chaeyoung.”

momo pulls her close, arm over one shoulder as she recognizes the telltale signs that dahyun’s about to cry.

“is your cheek okay? do you need ice? do you want to sit down?”

sana guides dahyun over to the couch, where she sits down, a few tears already going down her reddening cheek.

the other women stand awkwardly, until nayeon comments.

“well, it’s good to see at least some things haven’t changed. you two still dote on her like she’s a friggin’ baby.”

it has no place in the awkward tension of the living room, but it’s enough to draw a laugh from dahyun’s lips.

and just like that, they converge on dahyun, surrounding her as they barrage her with questions.

“one at a time, girls.”

momo fixes them with a stern frown as dahyun’s clearly more than a little overwhelmed.

“where have you been all this time, dahyun-ah?”

jeongyeon’s brow furrows. dahyun shrugs.

“america, most of the time. arizona, minnesota, florida. went around those three states a lot. um, went to europe for a bit. zurich, in switzerland. but then i went back to america, and…now i’m here.”

“what were you doing over there?”

mina leans forward, eyes wide. dahyun hums, considering the question.

“i was with family. um, yeah. mostly that.”

“and what exactly was so important that you decided you couldn’t contact us?”

jihyo crosses her arms, frowning. dahyun winces at her tone.

“i, um…well, i was…it was too…things were…um.”

she fumbles for a bit, before sana comes to her rescue.

“she just needed some time, okay, unnie?”

her voice is soft and meaningful, and upon hearing it, jihyo relents, still looking at dahyun with a mixture of worry and confusion.

their friends are not stupid. they can tell something’s up. but sana and momo apprehend every attempt at uncovering what it is, saving dahyun from the tougher questions, until everyone gets the hint.

they’re still worried, but for now, they let up, much to dahyun’s relief.

“right, now that the serious part’s over, party!”

nayeon grins, raising her hands up. mina rolls her eyes.

“you dropped the cake, nayeonnie.”

“oh shit, i dropped the cake!”

everyone laughs, and for a moment, dahyun forgets the stinging pain on her cheek, and instead basks in the presence of these women that she’d missed so much.

the party’s a right mess. that is, for adults their age. if they were still young, this party would have been considered quite tame.

a potluck’s been set up, with everyone bringing their own food for sharing. it’s quite the spread, with a mixture of home-cooked meals and rather expensive looking take out.

right before dinner, chaeyoung and tzuyu come back, with chaeyoung absolutely in tears, blubbering and apologizing.

“i’m sorry, dahyun, i just missed you so much, please don’t go away again, i’m sorry i slapped you, don’t be mad at me please, i—”

dahyun cuts her off when she hugs her, chaeyoung’s cries only getting louder as she clenches tightly around her best friend.

before dahyun knows it, she’s crying as well, arms around one of the most important people in her life.

“wow, what a couple of sad bitches, huh?”

nayeon chortles. jeongyeon snorts.

“yeah, and we’re not even drunk yet.”

“w-wait, we’re drinking tonight?”

dahyun giggles as chaeyoung immediately rushes to pop open a bottle of wine for everyone as they eat. tzuyu squeezes her arm meaningfully, giving her a soft smile as she goes to watch over her partner.

they dine over excessive chatter, most of it directed towards dahyun, as they try to catch her up on everyone’s goings-on.

jihyo and jeongyeon are doing well for themselves. they live in the city, after all, and you need to be doing well to stay there with such a high cost of living. jihyo’s one of their top executives in their company, while jeongyeon heads the i.t. department. their firm’s gotten bigger, and it seems like there’s only success in their future. dahyun admires all of their hard work, they really deserve to be where they’re at right now.

mina and nayeon are maybe doing just as well. nayeon, despite being that sassy rich girl from a chaebol family, has acclimated quite nicely to the simple life in the countryside, enjoys it more than her life in the city, even. mina’s taken over the farm from her parents, and promises to send over some of their produce when they can. they’re trying for a baby or looking to adopt, apparently, something that endears to dahyun.

chaeyoung and tzuyu, apparently, are having pretty hectic lives with their café. it’s not as easy as they make it out to be in pop culture, and often chaeyoung complains about the workload. but, apparently, they’re managing to make it work, and neither of them would give it up for anything. chaeyoung’s exploring her art hobby on the side, while tzuyu seems to have taken up knitting for herself. it’s cute, cozy, and it screams chaeyoung and tzuyu.

but on the more important side, they haven’t changed as much as dahyun thought they would have.

jihyo’s still that doting dorm manager that would knock on everyone’s door just to make sure everyone’s safe at night.

jeongyeon’s still that hardworking and intelligent bookworm, always willing to tutor the other dorm girls.

nayeon’s still that loud and rowdy varsity athlete that’s always up at three am, driving everyone crazy with her singing.

mina’s still that quiet and serene figure that looks over everyone with her actions more than her words.

chaeyoung’s still that feisty and heated liberal arts student always fresh from a protest or a rally.

tzuyu’s still that markedly talented musician who seems to be more mature than everyone combined.

not much has changed, and yet, everything has changed. chalk it up to missing seven years of their lives, but dahyun feels both familiar and foreign with them.

after dinner, they break out the wine. that’s right, the wine. no longer are they college students, buying shitty cocktails in cheap bars and leeching drinks off of horny college boys and girls. now, they’re sophisticated, refined adults.

“bleh, this tastes like ass. got any beer?”

“nayeonnie! that’s rude!”

or, at least most of them are.

stories become wilder, tales turn taller, and laughs get louder as the women get tipsy.

“oh, you know jeongyeon broke a vase with a piece of lego?”

“jeez, you break one thing and no one forgets it.”

“you stepped on a lego piece and cursed so hard you threw it at the vase, unnie.”

“and so?! it hurt, alright!?”

she’s missed this. she’s missed them, and everything that comes with them.

“did you know that coffee goes pretty well with alcohol when mixed properly?”

“would you find it weird if i said yes, yes i did?”

“that’s concerning, jihyo-unnie. do you need a therapist? i know a good one.”

“i’ve already got one, thanks.”

it’s fun, it’s light, and it’s easy. dahyun loves everything about it.

she almost doesn’t want it to end, that the nine of them could stay here, in sana and momo’s house, and they could relive and redo all of their four years of college together.

but unfortunately, that isn’t the way things work, as she’s reminded by the two women at her side that squeeze her hand softly whenever she gets too lost in the nostalgia. she’s grateful for it.

soon, everyone has to leave, designated drivers nudging their drunken partners as the clock hits eleven.

“remember when we’d used to stay out drinking until the sun came up?”

nayeon’s the tipsiest among them as she hums pleasantly. mina’s by her side, hands combing through nayeon’s hair.

“my liver remembers, yes, unnie.”

chaeyoung grimaces, a light dusting of pink on her cheeks as tzuyu helps her up from her chair.

“we’re too old for that kind of thing now.”

jihyo grumbles as jeongyeon pokes her cheek repeatedly, in an effort to get her to pack up.

“speak for yourself, i’m still young and limber.”

momo lets out a loud laugh, stretching from side to side as if to prove her point. sana giggles from next to her.

dahyun smiles at them all as they ready themselves to leave.

“thanks for coming, everyone.”

dahyun bows, a light and easy warmth settling upon her shoulders as everyone pauses in their movement.

“this…this means a lot to me, really. i’m really glad i got to see you all again.”

one last time. it goes unsaid. only sana and momo seem to hear it.

“yah. why are you speaking like that? it sounds like you’re dying or something.”

chaeyoung laughs, lightly stumbling over to dahyun to hug her, warm breath still smelling of alcohol.

dahyun ignores the slight twinge of guilt she feels, not telling them, and catches her, laughing as she does. it’s the signal for everyone to romp on over to dahyun, making her the center of a big hug that has her retreating to the past, when everything was much, much simpler.

when all she had to worry about was getting enough units for a semester, getting through a class with a terrible professor, working part-time at that record store, and paying the rent.

when she could look forward to hanging out with tzuyu at the record store, to bantering with chaeyoung during class, to listening to music quietly with mina, to getting doted on by jihyo, to studying in the library with jeongyeon, to buying new clothes with nayeon.

when she knew she’d have momo waiting for her at home, ready to take her in her arms and comfort her over another failed test or botched report.

when she knew she’d have sana taking her out to cheer her up, bringing her to almost every place imaginable, as long as she could see dahyun smile.

those days are gone.

this is what they have right now.

dahyun wishes she had more of it.

“do you ever think about what would have happened if i stayed?”

dahyun asks one night, with her hair mussed and sweat layered over her skin. sana presses her head into the crook of dahyun’s neck, despite the stickiness of both of their skins, a questioning hum reverberating through her chest.

“like, after college?”

dahyun nods, slowly. it was a long time ago, and she’s still not sure if she should talk about it. she hurt them by leaving, she knows that, and she wonders if it would be better to not speak of it.

momo lies on her other side, flat on her stomach as she plays with dahyun’s hand, fleetingly pressing kisses to it like it’s something sacred.

“i suppose we’d be able to do this a lot more.”

dahyun chuckles, the afterglow of their night still high above their heads. sex wasn’t something that dahyun had been too fond of, but with sana and momo, it’s a different story entirely.

“i’m serious, unnie. do you think we would have had…this? what we have now?”

it’s close to perfect, what they have now. there’s no other word for it. the loving domesticity of it all, and the fact that none of them take any of their time with each other for granted. all of them savor each and every single moment, enscribing it into the halls of their memory so that this, so that what they have will not be forgotten.

but dahyun can’t help but feel like it could have been better.

“what we have now? no, i don’t think so. we’d probably be closer. we’d have more time with each other after all.”

dahyun tries to ignore the way it stings, when momo speaks that way, when sana momentarily falters in her hold upon hearing it.

“oh…”

maybe she should have stayed then. she tried her best and still ended up where she was, so maybe there was no point to it all.

“but…i think it would have been a little less meaningful. absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all.”

momo turns onto her side, teeth showing in a soft smile as she presses her body against dahyun’s, leaning her head onto dahyun’s outstretched arm.

“but, unnie…wouldn’t you have wanted more time with me?”

time. it’s beginning to sicken her, looking at clocks and seeing the calendar. the way the hands tick down, and the dates are crossed out. she needs more time.

“if i hadn’t left, we…we could have done so much more. been so much more. together. the three of us. i…i just think sometimes if i had just stayed, then maybe…maybe things might be better than they are now. we’d be better than we are now.”

she rambles, as she does. she could never hide things from sana and momo, not by a longshot. her feelings always somehow bubble to the surface, like air at the bottom of the sea.

“dahyunnie…”

sana murmurs, soft and sweet, into dahyun’s neck.

“…can you imagine us any better than we are now?”

dahyun falters. she can’t. she really can’t. what they have now is everything she’s dreamed of, everything she’s ever wanted, everything she’s spent seven years of treatment for.

“…no.”

sana sighs into her warmth as she tugs dahyun closer.

“then what’s the use of wondering about that kind of stuff?”

it’s true. there is no point in worrying about the past, because it’s gone now. but given dahyun’s condition, the past is all she can think about.

“i just…i just wanted more time with you two.”

there it is, the tears are beginning to form now. seems like dahyun will be the first to cry tonight. sana and momo preemptively feel her shudder, and momo’s quick to press herself even closer.

“hey, hey, it’s okay, dahyunnie. we understand.”

hiccups leave her throat, and she doesn’t stop the flowing of tears as she begins to weep quietly, still suspended in the arms of the two people she loves the most.

“unnie, i…”

momo cuts dahyun off, pressing one finger to her lips.

“shush, now. time doesn’t matter. the past, the future, who cares? what we have is this. you, me, sana. together.”

she runs her hands through dahyun’s hair as she shakes, her fingers softly grazing her scalp soothingly.

“dahyunnie, what’s happened has happened. what matters is we’re here with you right now, okay?”

sana squeezes her hold on dahyun, arms wrapped around her bare midriff as her skin is cool to the touch.

“and we’re not letting go.”

in another life, maybe they did have more time together. time spent in each other’s arms, caring for one another, looking out for one another, and loving one another.

but now, what they have is this.

“…okay, unnie.”

and regardless of what could have been, dahyun is happy with what they have.

“i just need to use the bathroom, unnie.”

“alright. do you need us to go with you?”

“i’m not a child unnie, i can take care of mys—”

cough.

“i-i…can take care of—”

cough, cough.

“d-dahyun?”

“dahyun, are you okay?”

“i-i…i’m okay, unnie, i just—”

cough, cough, cough.

“oh my god, dahyun.”

“fuck, let me get some water.”

“i’m fi—”

cough.

“no, you’re not fine. sana? call an ambulance, please.”

“o-okay.”

“n-no, don’t—”

cough, cough.

“dahyun. we have to—”

cough, cough, cough.

“d-dahyun!”

“oh my god.”

cough, cough, cough.

“s-sana, please, just…just get the phone, okay? i have her.”

“…dahyun, h-hang in there, okay? i-i’m calling an ambulance.”

“…”

“u-unnie?”

“y-yeah?”

“i-i love yo—”

cough.

“…”

“dahyun…?”

“…”

“d-dahyun, this isn’t funny, come on.”

“…”

“s-sana, the phone! please, dahyun, please.”

“…”

“th-they’re on their way, i just—”

“…”

“n-no. dahyun? no, no, no.”

“…”

“she’s…she’s still breathing, we just…just make her comfortable, okay?”

“m-momo, i—”

“until the ambulance gets here. help me bring her to the bed.”

“what i-if she’s—”

“sana, please. we have to. for dahyun.”

“…o-okay. okay. okay.”

“dahyun, we have you, okay? we’ve got you.”

“w-we’re right here, dahyun. always.”

summer leaves, and autumn comes with the gentle blowing of the breeze, the beginning of a cold biting chill.

Chapter Text

she needs to rest more, the doctors say.

her body’s getting weaker, and her strength is fading. she needs more energy to do simple tasks, and something as simple as washing the dishes can already take up too much of her energy. a side effect of all those years of chemo.

“i’m fine, unnie, really.”

dahyun says as sana frets over her, watching every step as she heads into the car, right out of the hospital.

“you’re not just fine, dahyun.”

sana replies, worry in her voice as she straps dahyun into the shotgun seat, her seatbelt clicking as she holds dahyun’s hand.

“you need to take care of yourself, okay? no more exerting yourself anymore.”

there’s a moment where sana pauses, exhaling sharply.

“you…you were lying there, so pale and still, i-i thought…”

sana wrenches her eyes shut, the beginnings of tears marring the corners of her eyes. dahyun’s quick to comfort, rubbing sana’s hand as she whispers.

“i’m still here, unnie. i’m not going anywhere.”

for now. the words seem to linger there, unspoken as sana curses to herself, dabbing the corners of her eyes.

the driver’s door opens, momo having returned from the drug store with her prescriptions.

“i got the medicine. we can go home now. you’re going straight to bed after this, okay?”

sana closes the door for dahyun as she responds softly, any fight left in her gone completely.

“okay, unnie.”

dahyun fiddles with her fingers. maybe she should have stayed away. stayed in america with her parents, with her brother. that might have been a better thing to do.

because seeing sana and momo’s faces as she woke up, tears of both joy and desolation coating their cheeks, she was reminded of how selfish she was, to intrude on their lives so suddenly, only to leave so soon anyway.

“dahyun, look at me, please.”

as always, momo seems to know when dahyun’s getting lost in her thoughts.

“we’re going to take care of you, okay? you have nothing to worry about. nothing at all.”

dahyun can’t help but speak up.

“but unnie, i…”

momo shakes her head, a soft, reassuring smile forming on her lips.

“but nothing, dahyunnie. you’re here now and we’re going to take care of you.”

her hand snakes behind dahyun’s neck, pulling her close as momo kisses dahyun’s forehead, the light fluttery feeling in dahyun’s chest beginning to spread once more.

“okay, unnie.”

that night, sana and momo hold her in a paradox.

they maneuver around her so warily, so cautiously, it’s as if she’s about to break at any moment.

but they also hold her so tightly, so lovingly, it’s as if she’s about to disappear in front of their eyes.

and with her condition, it’s true on both occasions.

as she lies in between them, their arms wrapped around her in the form a loving embrace that makes her feel full, dahyun asks them.

“sana? momo?”

“yes, dahyunnie?”

“what is it?”

“will you…”

she clears her throat, an unwanted reminder of their trip to the hospital.

“will you stay with me?”

they waste no time in their responses.

“you know we will, dahyun.”

“of course, of course we will.”

she continues.

“until…until the end?”

it’s then that they pause. not out of hesitation. sana inhales sharply. momo tightens her hold on dahyun. they don’t want to think about it, it seems.

but it’s all dahyun can think about. it’s all that stays in her head, an image of herself lying in her bed, with the two people she loves most by her side.

she needs to hear it from them.

“dahyun.”

she looks towards momo.

“i am never leaving you. there is nothing that will ever stop me from being by your side again. do you hear me?”

momo’s voice doesn’t break, eyes so frighteningly intense as she holds onto dahyun for dear life.

dahyun nods.

“d-dahyunnie.”

she looks towards sana.

“i-i…i’m always going to be here, okay? with you. nowhere else. if you need me, you just need to say something, okay?”

sana’s trying her best to stay strong, for dahyun, as she caresses dahyun’s hand carefully.

dahyun nods.

“okay.”

she isn’t going to be alone. it’s a selfish desire, but when she’s been alone for seven years, she can’t find it in her to chastise herself.

she closes her eyes, feeling the breaths of sana and momo even out, their heartbeats in sync as sleep takes her slowly.

things change yet again with a new truth upon their lives. dahyun can’t be too active anymore, and thus, has to stay at home all the time.

this doesn’t bother sana or momo at all, and they adjust, formfitting their lives to accommodate for their love, as they have since she’s first arrived.

momo doesn’t go to work anymore. she does all her work at home, from the comfort of her study, where dahyun stays sometimes and keeps her company, sitting by her side as she formulates emails, attends meetings, and drafts contracts. occasionally, momo will look over at her, soft love in her eyes as she squeezes dahyun’s hand with such purposeful warmth.

sana’s taken an extended leave from her school. with the right documents from the hospital, they’ve allowed her to take time off and to take care of dahyun at home, which she has no trouble doing. she caters to dahyun’s every single need, even when dahyun doesn’t want her to. regardless, she makes sure to always guide dahyun through the house, keeping a watchful and careful eye over her as they do.

everyday is spent like this now, the three of them at home with each other, never leaving each other’s side.

when someone inevitably needs to leave the house to get groceries or fulfill an errand, only one person leaves, leaving the other to stay at home and take care of dahyun. they’re quick to return and they always come back with a gift for her, something she always gladly accepts.

they do their best to keep dahyun preoccupied and happy. they watch movies together, they buy her books, they play board games, anything under the sun to keep the smile on her face in such a heart-wrenching situation. their efforts are admirable, and just the thought of it is enough to make her happy.

they don’t talk much at night anymore. seems like they don’t want to waste dahyun’s breath by exhausting her with words, instead keeping her company through their warmth. they speak to her with their actions, an arm over her stomach, a hand grasping her hand, a kiss pressed to her lips. it’s enough for dahyun to cry sometimes, which she does.

they still have sex, albeit rarely. when they do, it’s soft, full of hushed whispers and acts of service, all for dahyun’s pleasure. they’re careful and loving and sweet, and it lightens dahyun’s heart to see them so wanting with her, despite her condition.

dahyun’s the only one who cries at night. sana and momo are always there to comfort her. they stay strong for her, keeping her in their embrace as they whisper sweet nothings to her. they don’t cry in front of her anymore, always being sure to keep a soft and steady exterior. instead, they cry where they think she can’t see, holding each other as they try not to break down over the condition of their love.

she always sees them, however, and it only makes her feel worse. the pain that she’s inflicting on them always makes her doubt the worth of her love for it all.

but they always prove her wrong. that her love is and will always be worth the pain.

the truth hits hard now, like the cold that begins to bite at them with the coming of autumn leaves.

time is running out.

“pssst, dahyunnie!”

she surprises dahyun by waking her up in the wee hours of the morning one day.

“hm…wha?”

dahyun looks so cute the way she does, half entrenched in momo’s arms as she blinks the sleep out of her eyes.

“i have something to show you!”

the smile comes slowly on dahyun’s face as she comes into the land of the living.

“what about momo?”

sana’s eager. she hasn’t been this eager for a while. but it makes sense, considering she’s kept this a secret for quite a bit.

“let her sleep a lil more. we’ll go back to bed after i’ve shown you!”

dahyun chuckles, carefully sliding out of momo’s embrace and pecking her on the cheek as she stands to take sana’s hand.

she leads dahyun carefully through their house, as if they’ve never walked through it before, every step filled with slow care.

“c’mon, it’s in the backyard!”

dahyun raises an eyebrow, and for good reason. sana’s been keeping her from the backyard of their house, standing in her path whenever she moves even remotely close to it.

“okay, close your eyes.”

dahyun rolls her eyes, but obliges, putting one hand over her eyes as sana slides open the sliding door to the backyard. dahyun’s hand still in hers, she takes careful steps outside, their slippers touching grass with the morning dew.

she looks around, nervously, hoping that what she’s made for dahyun will be enough to make her happy. she’s put quite the amount of effort into it, after all.

“sana? can i open my eyes?”

dahyun says after a moment of silence.

“h-huh? oh, right! yeah, you can…open them.”

sana’s blanching. maybe this isn’t a good idea after all. maybe she should have spent more time organizing, or maybe bought some more, or maybe—

“wow.”

dahyun inhales sharply.

in a few weeks, sana’s transformed their backyard. what once was just a small space, with dirt and grass on the ground and barely anything to speak of, is now a flourishing garden, with potted plants and flowers that bunch together, small little bushes that frame the edges of the yard, and the beginnings of vines that crawl around posts.

“you…you made this?”

sana nods, shyly, as she tucks her hands behind her back.

“do you…like it?”

“like it? sana, this is…”

dahyun trails off, mouth slightly agape as she stares at the greenery so lovingly arranged and designed. sana clears her throat.

“i know you liked going to the park. and we can’t…can’t really do that too much anymore, so i thought, what if we just have a small park here? i-i know it’s not much, i just thought it’d be nice if—”

in an instant, dahyun’s arms are around sana’s body, embrace so wonderfully tight and close that sana feels her heart grow two sizes.

“i-i love it, sana.”

sana breathes a sigh of relief. she’d spent so much time fixing this up in a way that she hoped dahyun would like, and to hear it coming from her is wonderful.

words are hard for sana. it’s hard to express how she feels through them when what she feels is so much more powerful, so much stronger, so much deeper than letters rearranged to have meaning can express.

she cannot express how deep, how full, how strong her love for dahyun is. she cannot express how dahyun makes her want to be better, for all of their sakes. she cannot express how much dahyun gives so much life to sana’s being.

she cannot express it through words. but she tries her best.

“if you’d like…we can wake up early every morning and water them together?”

dahyun nods from where her face is buried into sana’s chest.

“i’d love that.”

sana hums, soft smile on her face as the two stand in the middle of the garden, caught up in each other’s embrace.

then, dahyun pulls away. her hands move up to cup sana’s face in her hands, and sana can feel dahyun’s hands trembling, her eyes fluttering.

“sana?”

“y-yes?”

sana can’t help but get lost in dahyun’s eyes, her gaze so painfully warm in a way that makes her chest ache, as if she’s already gone.

“i-i need you to know…”

dahyun swallows, and her eyes are flickering between sana’s, as if trying to convey through them what she can’t convey through words.

“i…i love you so much, okay?”

the tears are starting to form in sana’s eyes, and she inwardly curses her tear ducts for being so weak-willed.

“will you promise me that you won’t forget that?”

sana doesn’t trust her voice not to crack, so she nods. the action provides some sort of relief to dahyun, because her body lightens, and she exhales slowly.

she holds sana’s face close, and kisses her.

then she pulls away, and sana is completely lost in dahyun’s being.

“c’mon. let’s go back to momo.”

momo stirs in the middle of the night.

her eyes blink awake slowly, and she just makes out the figure standing by the open window, pale moonlight suffusing her form.

“d-dahyun?”

the figure stiffens, and her head turns to look at momo, cool lunar rays hitting her in ways that capture her soft, young elegance.

“what are you doing up? come back to bed.”

dahyun softly shakes her head, turning back to the window.

“i…i can’t sleep, momo.”

momo turns, seeing sana sound asleep next to her, curled up in the blanket. she turns back to dahyun.

“do you wanna go for a little walk?”

dahyun stays quiet for a bit. then, she nods.

“okay. let me get you a jacket, then we can walk, okay?”

dahyun follows after her as she does, hand in momo’s like a lamb being guided back to its flock, as they put on their shoes to walk around the neighborhood.

they walk, slowly treading through the streets of their little corner of life. there is close to no sound, besides the distant and sporadic barking of dogs. the streetlights are a cool white, only further enhancing the paleness of the night in its soft etherealness.

they’re quiet for a bit, and momo doesn’t say anything to disturb that quiet.

dahyun walks very slowly now, her breath measured and still, her body slightly shuddering from the cold. it’s a shadow of her former self, always excitable and full of energy.

and yet one thing has not changed.

her eyes still glow with that warm light that’s always captured momo’s heart in her hands. a brave sense of wonder encapsulates her gaze, like fleeting stars that shoot through the sky in bursts of white light.

she still glows. her eyes travel through the street, through the neighborhood, as if seeing it for the first time under the light of the moon.

momo squeezes her hand, and dahyun looks at her, a smile gracing her lips.

dahyun is not what she used to be, no. but that doesn’t make momo love her any less.

if anything, the way she walks slowly, the way her breaths are measured, the way her body shudders, only solidify the strength of her love, a love that makes momo stronger by the second.

they walk, traveling through the neighborhood with the soft echoes of their feet against the pavement. nothing else disturbs them in the quiet of this night, and momo wishes it would stay that way.

they pass by the kindergarten, the park, the playground, the grocery store. all of them devoid of any life and soul, almost grey in the darkness of the night.

and yet, dahyun looks at them with all the world’s life in her eyes, pupils twinkling in the dim light of the nearby streetlamp.

“looks different at night. is it weird to say it looks more…beautiful like this?”

momo agrees, but it’s not the neighborhood she’s looking at.

eventually, the midnight blues of the sky slowly shift, light starting to peek through the horizon, and it’s time to go home.

“momo?”

“yes, dahyun?”

she turns to her, and the cool light of the moon is almost gone, faded. it doesn’t take away from the smile on her face as she squeezes momo’s hand.

“i love you, okay?”

momo smiles back, and any thought of the night leaving is forgotten.

“i love you too.”

dahyun nods, satisfied.

“don’t forget that, please.”

momo could never forget that kim dahyun loves her, not in a million years.

“let’s go home.”

dahyun loses her balance one day, almost falling down the stairs.

“dahyun!”

momo is quick to catch her, ever the stronger one among the three of them. dahyun isn’t hurt, at least not by the fall.

“i-i’m sorry, i just…lost my breath.”

sana’s eyes are filled with worry as she frets over dahyun, checking to see if she’s hurt anywhere.

it’s getting harder and harder to move, dahyun thinks. no matter how long she inhales, her breaths always come up short, and her body responds slower and slower. she gets more lightheaded quickly, and oftentimes, it takes her more time to get to places than it used to.

she hates it. hates how her body feels like it’s no longer hers, like she’s struggling to keep control of it. but she doesn’t hate it because it hurts.

she hates it because the way sana and momo look at her, pain so woefully evident in their eyes, is killing her.

“the doctors said that…soon, you might have to stay in bed all day.”

dahyun grimaces. she’s always been the active one. she’s always needed an outlet for her energy, and now, she doesn’t even have that. how long until everything else is taken from her as well?

“is that okay, dahyun? is it okay if you stay in bed?”

their gazes are soft and pleading, like they know what pain dahyun’s going through, and honestly, they’re the only ones who do. and it’s because they understand that pain that dahyun nods, even though she hates it.

“okay.”

they take her to bed, making her comfortable and tucking her in, sliding into the covers after she’s warm and comfy.

“i hate this.”

she whispers, tears leaking out the corners of her eyes.

they say nothing in reply. dahyun doesn’t fault them for it.

instead, they wrap her up in their arms, as they always have, with soft and tender love that never fails to lighten dahyun’s heart.

“we’re here, dahyun.” momo whispers.

“you’ll always have us.” sana whispers.

dahyun closes her eyes, long and slow inhales and exhales that try to even out, trying to ignore the way her breath shudders.

the last thing she notices before she falls asleep is that sana and momo’s breaths never waver, strong and steady as they keep her anchored.

dahyun finally lets the girls know.

there are a variety of reactions when they see her in their bed, pale and sweating.

nayeon is quiet, eyes glaring at the IV drip that’s set up next to her bed. she clenches her fists in anger, only to soften them when dahyun reaches for her hand.

mina seems lost, her eyes foggy and murky as she takes a seat next to dahyun’s bed. there’s disbelief in her eyes, solidifying into sorrow as she clenches dahyun’s hand.

jihyo arrives with a basket of goods that dahyun’s not gonna be able to eat and flowers that sit on the windowsill. she fusses over dahyun, tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she does.

jeongyeon sits on the edge of dahyun’s bed, a small, kindly smile on her face as she asks about how dahyun’s been doing, her eyes staring so mournfully at dahyun as she explains.

chaeyoung doesn’t visit.

tzuyu arrives, her own bouquet of flowers in hand, smile trembling as her eyes roam over dahyun’s bedridden form. the get well soon card is crumpled, tears all over the nice calligraphy.

“where’s chaeyoung, tzuyu-yah?”

mina asks, softly, as if she’s scared of hurting dahyun somehow with the volume of her voice.

“she’s…she’s devastated, unnie. she couldn’t bare to come and see dahyun like this.”

tzuyu clearly feels similarly, because she’s having a hard time even looking at dahyun, her head slightly turned away.

“i don’t blame her. that girl’s always felt so strongly about dahyun.”

jihyo mutters, brushing a strand of dahyun’s hair away from her face, smiling at her softly.

“she still should have come. i can’t believe she didn’t come.”

nayeon taps her foot impatiently, phone in hand as she grits her teeth to the side of dahyun’s bed.

“let it go, nay. she’ll come in her own time.”

jeongyeon puts a hand on nayeon’s shoulder, ever the understanding one.

“in her own time? in her own time?! that’s so fucking selfish of her!”

nayeon explodes, and dahyun winces at the volume of her voice.

“we all came here, for dahyun! we’re all very busy people with our own lives, but i’m sure we all took the time of day to go over here and look after our friend who is currently bedridden with cancer! because that’s what friends do!”

“unnie…”

sana mutters, eyes flickering from dahyun to nayeon.

“and yet, she can’t even muster the courage to go over here and see her own supposed best friend!”

nayeon’s clearly agitated, and dahyun knows that it’s not really chaeyoung she’s angry at.

“dahyun’s dying! and chaeyoung thinks she has the luxury of time when dahyun so clearly doesn’t have time for—!”

“that’s enough, unnie.”

momo’s voice cuts through nayeon’s rant.

it’s then that dahyun realizes nayeon’s crying.

nayeon seems to realize it at the same time dahyun does, swallowing her words as she looks at dahyun, despair in her features.

she sobs, all the fight in her gone as she falls to her knees by dahyun’s bed, taking dahyun’s hand and squeezing it as tears run down her cheeks like waterfalls.

“i’m…i’m sorry, dahyun-ah.”

mina takes her place by nayeon’s side, combing her hands through nayeon’s hair in an attempt to soothe her, but she’s quietly crying tears of her own.

jihyo’s face quivers before she, too, is weeping, burying her face into jeongyeon’s chest, the taller woman rubbing her back softly and whispering.

tzuyu is next to sana, completely distraught as she holds sana’s hand, a few stray tears dripping down her cheeks.

they all are. distraught, that is.

dahyun can see it in the way they look at her, pity and sorrow overflowing. she didn’t want them to see her like this.

she wishes she could have passed sooner, so that the last memory they all had was of a laughing dahyun, who’d returned from her sojourn to live happily ever after with sana and momo.

momo squeezes her hand, and she’s torn from that wish, selfish as it is.

“i’m sorry.”

dahyun says, momentarily bringing them out of their shared sorrow.

“i’m sorry i didn’t tell anyone during the party. i thought…i thought we could have fun together for one last time before…”

“you don’t need to be sorry, dahyun-ah. we understand.”

jeongyeon sits jihyo down by the bed, sitting next to her as she smiles at dahyun, jihyo wiping away at her tears.

“we’re sorry we couldn’t be there for you through all those years. it must have been hard on your own.”

mina’s still holding a blubbering nayeon in her arms, but her voice echoes.

dahyun swallows.

“it was. it was really hard. i was really lonely. all i wanted to do was go back. i really wanted to…to see you all again. but i didn’t want to trouble you.”

“unnie.”

tzuyu stands at the foot of her bed, finally looking dahyun straight in the eye, no matter how painful it must be to her.

“we’re your friends. we…we want to be here for you. no matter what.”

the bottom of dahyun’s lip quivers, and before she knows it, she’s crying.

“i’m sorry.”

she apologizes again.

“oh, dahyun. it’s okay.”

jihyo leans down, taking dahyun and hugging her as dahyun begins to cry.

“we’re your friends, and we’ll always be here for you whenever you need it.”

they all crowd around her bed, but careful not to overwhelm her, each of them reaching out to dahyun somehow.

these girls have all had a place in dahyun’s life, such an important pedestal she’s put them on, as a goal to look forward to.

and now that they’re here, dahyun can’t help but be glad that she’s tried. she did her best to fight, and now she can rest, with her loved ones by her side.

they all stay for a day, crowding and sleeping over in their living room, where sana and momo have set up extra mattresses for them all.

as sana and momo are preparing dahyun for bed, the door to their bedroom opens slowly.

chaeyoung’s standing there, looking absolutely devastated. her eyes are red and scratchy, and it seems as though she’s cried all of her tears out before coming here.

“u-unnie…”

dahyun reaches out, calling her name softly.

“chaeng…”

in a moment, chaeyoung is at her side, hand in hers as she stares forlornly at dahyun in her bed. she’s crying again, wiping the tears messily with her other hand.

“you’re going to hurt your eyes if you keep rubbing like that.”

chaeyoung lets out a watery laugh.

“unnie, you’re dying and you’re worrying about my eyes hurting.”

dahyun brings her other hand up, caressing the side of chaeyoung’s face.

“i’ll always worry about you, chaeng. i’ll always worry about everyone.”

chaeyoung leans down and hugs dahyun, tightly and fondly.

“you’re such an idiot, unnie.”

dahyun chuckles softly.

“maybe i am.”

the two hug for a few moments longer, and dahyun wishes she’d had more time with her. more time with all of them.

chaeyoung joins tzuyu in the other room not soon after, and sana and momo slip into the covers by her side.

“you did well today, dahyunnie.”

sana whispers into dahyun’s ear, arm curling around her stomach.

“a little too well, maybe. i overheard them saying they might just stay over for a few more days, maybe even a week.”

momo smiles as the other two chuckle, her arm slipping under dahyun’s neck.

“that would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

dahyun mutters, sighing contentedly as sana and momo’s warmth envelopes her.

“it’d be like old times. all of us together again.”

she closes her eyes, the sound of sana and momo’s breaths a soothing lullaby as she feels herself being lulled to sleep.

“yeah, that’d be nice.”

“sana?”

sana tilts her head upwards, to look up at dahyun from where she’s lying next to her on the bed.

“yes?”

dahyun pauses for a moment, before asking.

“can you tell me a story?”

“what kind of story, dahyun?”

“something happy. something about you and momo.”

she wracks her brain. it’s hard to come up with a story about sana and momo that is happy, because sana and momo could never be fully happy without dahyun. but she tries anyway.

“mm…did i ever tell you how we found this house?”

dahyun softly shakes her head.

“it wasn’t originally ours, actually. a family friend of momo’s owned the place, but they let us take care of it and do what we wanted with it as long as we paid for rent and utilities.”

dahyun presses her head against sana’s, her soft breaths an indication that she’s listening.

“right out of college, we looked for a place to stay, somewhere cheap, and it was just by luck that momo knew someone that owned this house. so, we decided to stay for a bit.”

it’s crazy how far back in the past sana is looking. that was seven years ago. all sana could remember was that they were relieved to have a place to their own, but the house always seemed way too big for just two people.

now that there were three of them, it was perfect.

“momoring actually wanted a big mansion, in the more rural side of the country. we looked for a lot and everything. and you know momo’s job pays pretty well, we’d be able to afford it.”

sana can feel dahyun intertwine her hand with hers, and she’s still mesmerised at how perfectly they fit together, as she always has been.

“why didn’t you stay at a mansion, then?”

sana hums, shrugging.

“we kept…delaying it, i suppose. the timing never felt right. we had an architect come up with plans, we figured out the loaning plans from the bank, everything was settled. we just needed to start the construction. it felt like…we were waiting for something.”

in hindsight, sana knows exactly what they were waiting for.

“so, we just stayed here. eventually, we bought the land from momo’s friend. made it our own for the past seven years. there was a school nearby, and it was close to momo’s work, so…we got comfortable.”

dahyun thinks for a moment, before nodding.

“i’m glad. this place feels like a home. a mansion in the mountains doesn’t seem like us.”

no, it didn’t seem like them at all. perhaps before, it did. back when they were only sana and momo.

“i agree. i like this place very much.”

but this house is sana, dahyun, and momo. as it should be.

“are you glad i came back?”

it’s a murmur, and just as dahyun can read sana, she’s learned a few things about dahyun as well, like how the insecurity can so easily creep back into her like poison.

“is that even a question, dahyun?”

sana’s voice grows in pitch, incredulous that dahyun could even suggest otherwise.

“momo and i, we…we’ve never been happier since you’ve come back. the house…it’s never felt so right without you here. this is…this is what it’s supposed to be. what we’re supposed to be. we were never complete without you. dahyun, you’re…you’re meant to be with us. i love you. we love you.”

she rambles, closing in on dahyun as she squeezes harder, hoping her embrace will shun those insecurities of dahyun’s.

dahyun doesn’t move, doesn’t speak for a moment. then, sana realizes dahyun’s already asleep, her chest slowly bobbing up and down.

she looks up at dahyun’s face, and there’s a smile on her lips, eyes shut as she breathes peacefully.

sana presses a shuddering kiss to her cheek, and closes her eyes, basking in dahyun’s presence, so full of life and love in spite of everything.

“momo?”

momo doesn’t pause in her scrubbing as she responds.

“yes?”

“are you…are you sure this is okay?”

“dahyun, you’re acting like we’ve never seen each other naked before. is this really an issue?”

she injects just the right amount of mirth in her voice, taking pleasure in the way dahyun’s cheeks redden.

“that’s not what i meant.”

dahyun grumbles, and a laugh escapes momo as she runs her fingers through dahyun’s hair, making sure to lather it up well.

“i hope it’s not. i would have liked to know if you had a problem with seeing me naked, considering all those times we’ve—”

“okay, unnie.”

momo chuckles again, then slips her hands through dahyun’s underarms, stepping in close as she presses her body against dahyun’s.

“what’s on your mind?”

she whispers, and dahyun sighs, reciprocating her embrace as she wraps her arms around momo’s neck.

“are you okay with this? all of this…stuff you have to do for me?”

in truth, momo isn’t okay with it. not because she doesn’t want to take care of dahyun. but because it’s a reminder that they’re losing her, slowly. like ice melting in the heat of the sun.

“dahyun, you know we’ll always take care of you. always. no matter what.”

she doesn’t seem convinced.

“but…you had to start working at home. sana took a leave. i’m just…i’m just inconveniencing you. and now i can barely even walk on my own, let alone bathe myself.”

dahyun shudders, and momo feels the tears slipping onto her back.

“i’m…i’m a burden, aren’t i?”

“dahyun…”

momo clenches tightly around dahyun, the younger woman so frail in her arms.

“…you have never, are never, and will never be a burden to us.”

dahyun lets out a whimper.

“unnie…i’m just…i’m just hurting you. maybe you’d be better off if i just stayed in america, so that…at least you wouldn’t know about…about me. if i wasn’t here…you’d be happier.”

momo isn’t having any of it.

“kim dahyun, you never say that again.”

she’s crying now too, but she doesn’t let her voice waver.

strong. she has to be strong. for sana and dahyun.

“sana and i were never better off without you. we were always missing something, something we could never find with just the two of us.”

dahyun stills in her arms. momo doesn’t stop.

“there is nothing in the world that could have made us complete besides you. we were waiting for you, we always have been.”

sana, dahyun, momo. that’s how it should be.

“we are happier because you are here. never forget that. and if you do, i’ll remind you. again, and again.”

dahyun doesn’t reply, only holding momo tighter as tears come streaming down her cheeks.

momo lets her, closing her eyes and humming softly as dahyun weeps into her shoulder.

no, she does not like taking care of dahyun like this. but she’ll do it anyway, because dahyun is the third piece of their puzzle, and they could never be complete without her.

momo will do it forever, if she has to.

“let’s get you cleaned up, okay?”

it’s close now. dahyun can feel it.

her breaths are shorter, she’s asleep more often, and her body feels more lethargic.

the doctors confirm it. they pass by once every week, to check on dahyun and her health. they say that she might have more time if she transfers to the hospital, but she won’t have any of it.

dahyun’s had enough of hospitals for one lifetime.

sana and momo take care of her every need and every want, carefully holding her and keeping her safe and warm. they’re alert at every minute of the day, always making sure she’s comfortable.

dahyun’s confined to the bed now. she can’t get up anymore. when she needs to be cleaned, sana and momo wipe over her body with a warm and wet towel. her appetite’s all but shot, too. food’s no longer appealing, and she struggles to get even just a few bites in.

then, of course, the coughs.

she coughs so often now, it sounds like white noise to her. each rumbling of her lungs is painful and wracking, and she doubles over with every expelling of breath. every now and then, there’s blood too, the irony taste of copper in her mouth.

sana and momo push through these things like soldiers, always ready to take care of dahyun however she needs.

at night, though, when they crawl into bed next to dahyun, arms gently wrapping around her, for fear of hurting her, their facade fades. they cry softly, like a whimper at the state of their beloved. it’s getting harder and harder to stay strong the way they do, when dahyun looks the way she does, pale, gaunt, and shuddering in their bed.

dahyun does not cry anymore. she stays strong, for the two of them. she closes her arms around them, hushing them quietly as they proclaim their love for her over and over with sorrowful breaths.

she has done the best she could. they have done the best they could.

and as the clock runs down inevitably on a cold morning at the end of autumn, that is all that matters.

they all know it’s here.

they’re not sure how they know, but somehow, they do.

maybe it’s in the way sana wakes up first for once. maybe it’s in the way momo skips all of her work. maybe it’s in the way dahyun’s smile is full, fuller than it ever has been in the past few months.

“can you stay by my side?”

sana and momo could never say no to dahyun.

dahyun feels so light, despite the gauntness of her cheeks, the abnormally pallid tone of her skin, the slow movements of her body.

“when i…decided that i’d stop fighting…i was so happy.”

the admission comes freely to her, no guilt or sadness.

“because to me, it meant that…i could finally come home. to you.”

she looks at the two of them, and they’re both struggling to hold back tears. sana’s lips are quivering, and momo’s wrenched her eyes shut.

“i was afraid that you’d push me away when i came back. that you’d hate me for leaving.”

momo’s quick to respond.

“maybe we did, at first. but it all worked out, right?”

dahyun nods, smiling.

“it did. it worked out exactly how i wanted it to. i could hardly believe it.”

sana holds dahyun’s hand.

“neither could we. but you coming back…it was like everything fit together.”

sana and momo lean closer to her, memorizing every single inch of her being and keeping it away, among the tears that run down their cheeks.

“i’d spent so long waiting, healing, fighting, all so I could come back and show you that i’d done it, that i’d finally beat it. i didn’t, but in a way, it feels like i did. because i tried my best, no matter what. and i couldn’t have done it without you.”

dahyun laughs, so fond.

“i’m glad. i’m glad for everything. i’m glad i left. i’m glad i fought. i’m glad i gave up. i’m glad i came back.”

she smiles, and this one is the biggest one they’ve seen on her yet.

“i have no regrets.”

she pulls both of them closer, by their hands, then cups their faces together, staring at both of them with all of the passion in the world.

“i love you. both of you.”

sana grasps her hand tightly, her smile watery and her gaze pure.

“i love you, dahyunnie.”

momo brings dahyun’s hand to her lips, kissing it so fervently.

“i love you so much, dahyun.”

she kisses them both. one at a time. soft, and warm, and with all of the love she’s spent seven years cultivating.

they pull away, eyes shining, as dahyun laughs softly, so overwhelmed by the love she has for these two women.

a light movement takes her attention, and dahyun turns from where she is on the bed, looking outside the window.

“look.”

outside, they can see small, soft, white flecks of snow, gentle in their descent.

“it’s snowing.”

winter’s arrived. cold and unbreakable.

and yet, dahyun feels nothing but the gentle breeze of spring, the warm light of summer, and the cool air of autumn.

snow falls, and she is nothing but peaceful, because of the two women by her side.

she knows why.

sana and momo. each hand of hers in one of theirs, held so tenderly, so preciously, so lovingly, as if everything in the world laid in dahyun’s palm.

as the first snowfall comes, dahyun feels at peace.

“unnie?”

both of them turn to her, eyes glistening.

“yes, dahyun?”

her vision starts to blur.

“i’m a little sleepy.”

she feels so warm and comfy.

“o-oh. then…you should…you should get some rest, dahyun.”

“you can sleep if you want to, dahyun. you need to rest.”

she’s struggling now, to keep her eyes open. for some reason, she doesn’t want to rest just yet.

“i’m sleepy.”

she repeats, and she thinks she hears something. a sob, or a choke.

“sleep, dahyun. we’re…we’re right here. right…right beside you.”

she doesn’t want to sleep just yet, not without listening to their voices a little longer.

“will you be there when i wake up?”

something’s dripping onto her arms, like water. like someone’s crying onto her.

“you know we will be, love. you don’t have to worry. you can rest.”

maybe it’s that confirmation that finally does it, but she nods then.

“okay.”

dahyun looks at the two of them, the two loves of her life, sana and momo.

“i love you two.”

she says once more. she cannot say it enough.

her strength fails, and her eyelids shutter closed. the call of sleep beckons to her, but she resists for a few, long moments.

until she hears it.

“we love you too, dahyun.”

then, she smiles, and lets sleep take her.

the first day of winter arrives, silent and meaningful.

Chapter Text

it’s a cold day out. the hand warmers in her pockets are barely doing anything to keep out the frigid air.

a sigh escapes her, as she looks up at the ominous building that looks like it’s straight out of a horror movie.

“is this really a good idea, chaeng? you know what they say about this dorm.”

from next to her, chaeyoung lets out a laugh.

“don’t tell me you actually believe those rumors, unnie. what, are you scared?”

dahyun bristles in her coat, cheeks reddening despite the cold.

“i am not scared! i’m just…concerned about our living status.”

“our living status? i’ll tell you about our living status. we’re two broke college freshmen who can’t keep subsisting off of instant noodles in a dorm that’s half our tuition. we’ve already gone through one semester, unnie. i am not going through that for three more years.”

chaeyoung has a good point. it’s only their first year and dahyun already feels like she’s had enough ramyeon for a lifetime.

“i know that, it just…seems too good to be true, that’s all.”

“well, we’ve already signed the agreement, plus our room in our original dorm’s already gone to someone else, so it’s not like there’s anything we can do about it, unnie.”

dahyun sighs, looking forlornly at the big luggage she has by her side.

“come on, let’s just head inside.”

the dorm itself is…creepy. unnatural. foreboding. every footstep on aging wood produces a creak. every movement through the old place makes a groan. even the trees outside loom over the dorm building ominously.

“god…and we’re not even roommates.”

dahyun’s shoulders tense, jumping at every minute sound.

“relaaaax. it’ll be fine. besides, you got the better end of the deal. i’m pretty sure you got the biggest room in the dorm.”

dahyun’s quick to whirl on her best friend.

“yeah, with two other random people in it! what am i gonna do with two roommates?!”

chaeyoung shrugs.

“i dunno, talk to em?”

dahyun sighs once more, and before she knows it, she’s at the door to her room.

“good luck unnie! fighting!”

chaeyoung flashes her a thumbs up, before she enters her own room, partnered with some transfer student from taiwan.

the door in front of her gives her an odd feeling, like there’s something behind it that is, or will be, important.

inhaling, she knocks on the door.

“coming!”

the voice behind the door somehow makes dahyun’s heart pound. whether it’s the nerves or the anxiety or just the plain old fear, dahyun’s not sure.

the doorknob twists open, and dahyun sees who might be the most beautiful woman she’s ever seen in her entire life.

tall, dark haired, lean physique, piercing eyes, and a smile on her lips.

“hey there. lookin for something?”

all the words dahyun’s been practicing in her head just evaporate.

“i, um. the room was, um. there, um, was this thing, and. i was going to…yeah, um. yeah.”

the most beautiful woman in the world smirks, raising an eyebrow.

“yeah?”

dahyun nods very hard.

“yeah.”

she laughs, and it’s like the twinkling of bells.

“who is it, momoring?”

another voice peers through, and by the woman’s side is another one.

another incredibly attractive woman, smooth brown hair, slim figure, adorable face, and a cute smile on her lips.

the first one is not the most beautiful woman in the world, then, because how can there be two of them?

“who’s this?”

the second one asks.

“um, room.”

“room?”

“y-yeah. i…room, here. mhm.”

dahyun’s speaking like a caveman, for god’s sake.

“your…your name is room?”

“i think she means to say she’s our new roommate, satang.”

the second woman lights up like a christmas tree, bright grin and all, and she beams at dahyun.

“really? wow! you’re so cute!”

dahyun lights up like a christmas tree, too, except all the lights on the christmas tree are red. her cheeks burn.

“th-thank you…”

“minatozaki sana!”

the second woman, sana, offers her hand to shake. dahyun takes it, tentatively, as sana eagerly shakes it up and down.

“kim dahyun!”

she finds herself exclaiming, almost a squeak out of her treacherous mouth.

“nice to meet you, dahyun!”

“l-likewise.”

the first one observes, cool smile on her face as she also offers her hand.

“hirai momo.”

dahyun shakes her hand as well, momo’s grip somehow both firmer and more relaxed than sana.

“here, i’ll take your bags in. sana can show you around. we have the biggest room in the dorm, thankfully, so there’s plenty of space to go around.”

momo doesn’t allow dahyun to protest as she takes dahyun’s bag, the younger woman sputtering as sana giggles.

“c’mon, dahyunnie! oh, can we call you that?”

dahyun’s heart leaps to her throat, and she nods, a big smile forming on her face for some reason.

“y-yeah. yeah, um, you can call me that!”

sana squeals, pulling her inside as momo chuckles with her bag in tow.

“better get used to that, dahyunnie. we’ve got a bit of thing going on already, but i’m sure you’ll have no problem fitting in.”

as momo’s eyes twinkle in amusement, as sana’s eyes glow with excitement, dahyun can’t help but agree.

“i’m…looking forward to it.”

the two pull her along into the room, and into their lives.

the funeral is cold.

winter has its faults, but the frigid nature of this ceremony is none of its business. the chapel in which it’s held is small, cozy, and atmospheric enough to provide warmth to all who stay inside.

regardless, the funeral is cold.

perhaps because one more source of warmth in the world has been snuffed out.

it’s a small event. dahyun was never the most sociable, preferring to keep a small circle of trust.

it’s her family and friends, all in one place, each given the time to speak.

“dahyun was strong. stronger than anyone i ever knew. she kept fighting even though she knew it was a losing battle. and…she had the strength to know when she’d lost.”

her brother mutters the last words, almost to himself as he stares at a crumpled piece of paper in his hands.

“my dahyun was always the brightest child. capable of…of lighting up a room when she’d walked in. she could bring…bring a smile to everyone’s faces just by talking…”

her mother has to be taken away for a bit, by her brother, as she cries, still in mourning.

“she was passionate. she knew what she loved, who she loved. and she’d fight for them until her last breath.”

her father stands there, back straight and words meaningful, as the only trace of sorrow on the man is the glistening shine in his eyes as he goes to his wife.

her friends speak next.

“dahyun-ah…god, she was so…she was one of our babies. with her chubby cheeks and her small hands and her adorable stutter and her…her heart was just so big and beautiful, i…she was one of the loveliest people i knew.”

nayeon swallows, hands quivering and face struggling to stay stoic and strong.

“dahyun was so…quiet. but, that peaceful kind of quiet that drew you in, allowed you to feel that same sort of peace. when i was with her, i was always in awe, because…how can someone give that much of herself to the world and want nothing in return?”

mina speaks softly, but from the heart as she gazes fondly, mournfully at the casket.

“my god, i…i’d known dahyun since she was fresh out of high school, just a doe-eyed girl trying to find her place in the world. when we took her in, she looked so happy with us, in our dorm. and i thought…this was where she belonged. with us.”

jihyo trembles, her shoulders shuddering as the words tumble out of her mouth so easily.

“dahyun was one of the smartest among us. always so clever and witty. but she always used that intelligence to help other people, even when it came as a detriment to herself. that alone made her…makes her one of the best people i’ve ever known.”

jeongyeon allows the words to flow straight and true, closing her eyes as she reminisces.

“d-dahyun…”

chaeyoung can’t finish a sentence without tearing up and freezing in place, so tzuyu stands next to her.

“dahyun-unnie was chaeyoung’s best friend. right from kindergarten, they knew they were in it for the long run. they’d…been with each other through thick and thin, the good and the bad, and…there’s no doubt in either of our minds that dahyun was one of the best people to walk this earth.”

tzuyu wraps chaeyoung in a hug, allowing the smaller woman to cry into her coat as she soothes her quietly.

the chapel grows quiet, quieter than it’s ever been, as two people, arguably the two most important people step forward.

“d-dahyunnie…”

sana’s hand reaches outward, towards the casket, where dahyun lies, eyes closed and face set in a peaceful countenance.

it’s as if she’s asleep.

momo grasps sana’s hand, exhaling softly. her gaze is closed in on her sleeping form as she speaks.

“i loved dahyun. we both did.”

she proclaims, loud and unwavering as everyone look to her.

“i’d like to say that…she was our better half, but that’s not the full truth of it. the full truth of it is that she was the part of us that made us want to be better people. she was the part of us that pushed us to be our best selves.”

momo stands, tall and strong, speaking softly yet meaningfully to everyone in the chapel.

“being with her was like…the earth going around the sun. the clouds forming in the sky. the wind on a rainy day. it was…natural. everything fell into place so easily with her there with us.”

sana stands next to her, eyes still fixed on the casket as she listens, her breath shaking.

“they say you never forget how to ride a bike, no matter how long you don’t do it. well, we never forgot how to love dahyun, even when she was gone for seven years.”

everyone’s listening, momo’s words striking them somewhere deep as she talks about dahyun.

“when she came back to us, nothing had changed. she loved us in the purest way, and the least we could do was return it. especially when things got bad.”

sana chokes, and momo’s quick to pull her closer to her, trying to anchor her wife as she continues, breath not shaking.

“when…when it got bad, all she wanted was for us to be happy. she constantly doubted herself, for coming back, because she thought she would hurt us. but that’s not true at all.”

she inhales sharply.

“dahyun coming back…was the best thing that had ever happened to us, no matter how short it may have been. what we had was…something none of us would be able to forget. she made us better people. i can’t say we did the same for her, because she was already the best she could be.”

momo pauses after that. then she turns to the casket, eyes gazing so softly at dahyun.

“we love you, dahyun. so, so much. we will never stop loving you, and we will…we’ll always miss you.”

sana echoes her words, voice choking and raspy.

“w-we love you, dahyunnie.”

the rest of the ceremony proceeds, quietly. like a whimper into the night.

the winter frost is cold, but it does not compare to the icy depths of loss.

“dahyunnie?”

dahyun seizes up momentarily as her head snaps to the door.

“u-unnie?”

momo steps into her room, not bothering to flick on the light as she smiles, the moonlight through the window doing enough to illuminate her kindly face.

“i couldn’t help but overhear you…”

the tears running down dahyun’s cheeks are indication enough for her, she supposes. dahyun lets out a faltering laugh.

“th-that loud, huh? i’m sorry, unnie…i woke you up.”

momo strides to her, taking a seat by her bed calmly, confidently.

“i was still awake, love, i was just finishing some things for class.”

dahyun sniffs, rubbing at her eyes.

“do you want to talk about it?”

momo asks, gentle but not intrusive.

“i-i…it’s just so hard, unnie. there’s just so many…so many deadlines, so many projects, so many things to do, i…i can’t.”

a hand comes over dahyun’s back, rubbing soothingly.

“i told my parents i’d do my best, but…i don’t know if my best is enough, unnie.”

dahyun hiccups, wiping away at her nose as she closes her eyes, a tight frown on her lips.

“hey, now. it’s okay, dahyunnie.”

momo takes dahyun into her arms, the younger woman curling up into her as she embraces her.

“if you’re doing your best, then there’s nothing to be ashamed of. sometimes, we do everything we can, and it doesn’t work out. but what matters is that we tried. because if we tried our best, then we’ll have no regrets.”

momo speaks into her ear, softly murmuring as dahyun leans into her warmth.

“no regrets…”

dahyun echoes, and momo nods.

“and besides, love. you’re not alone. you’re never alone. you can always ask us for help. jeongyeon’s always willing to tutor people. mina’s a little advanced, but you have similar professors and workloads. jihyo’s in a different major, but you know she’ll do her best if you ask her for help.”

dahyun sniffs, and she can’t believe she didn’t even think of asking them for help.

“satang and i, too. we’re here for you, dahyun. if you ever need anything, you just need to ask.”

momo hugs her even tighter, and the butterflies that have settled in dahyun’s stomach ever since she’s moved in only flutter harder.

“…can you hold me a little longer, then?”

“of course, dahyun.”

momo pulls her into the softness of her own bed, a little cramped but enough to fit two people. the way she’s holding dahyun is close, way closer than they’ve ever been before.

dahyun knows she’s selfish. asking for momo like this. but she wants to keep the warm feeling in her chest, the feeling she gets when momo is so close to her.

so, she leans in and basks in it, arms curling around momo’s middle as she buries her face into momo’s neck.

momo chuckles, deep and rumbling as dahyun hums contentedly, tears almost entirely forgotten.

“dahyun?”

“yes, unnie?”

“can you do something for me?”

“anything, unnie.”

“close your eyes for a second.”

dahyun pulls away, a little confused as she looks up at momo, who’s staring at her mirthfully.

“unnie?”

“trust me, dahyunnie.”

and she does trust momo. with her life. so, she closes her eyes.

she’s not sure what to expect. the pounding of her heart is too loud in her ears, the proximity of momo to her has her mind working on overdrive, and she can’t seem to figure out what it is that momo wants until—

soft lips press against hers, gentle and tender, washing away every semblance of coherent thought as dahyun does the only thing she feels is right and leans into it, kissing back.

momo chuckles into her lips, and it’s only then that dahyun opens her eyes, staring into momo’s. she looks drunk, eyes half-lidded as she seems to peer right into dahyun’s.

“unnie?”

momo smiles, as if expecting the confusion evident in dahyun’s tone.

“i’ve been wanting to do that for a while, now.”

dahyun’s cheeks flush, and she burrows her head into momo’s chest, unwilling to let her see her embarrassment.

“me too.”

she murmurs, and the low rumbling chuckle that looses through momo’s chest and the finger rubbing circles into her back is enough to lull her to sleep.

when she wakes, momo is still there.

“d-dahyun?”

momo’s eyes snap open at the sound of sana’s voice, so awfully scared and alone.

she’s sitting up, next to momo on their bed, sheets pulled to her chest as she looks around the room, looking woefully lost.

“dahyun, w-where’d you go? i-it’s late, come back to bed…”

momo sits up slowly, gently placing her hands on sana’s shoulders. she inhales, gathering all of her strength, before speaking slowly.

“…satang.”

sana turns to her, eyes so wonderfully big, yet terribly small.

“she’s…she was right here, momoring. i-i saw her, i felt her! i was—i was holding onto her, and…she was right between us, i-i…”

it takes everything momo has to not break down crying.

“satang…it was a dream.”

sana shakes her head vehemently, denial in her features.

“n-no! it was real, momo! i swear, i swear! maybe…maybe she’s in the garden! i made it for her, she loves going there, i just need to—to bring her to bed, she needs to rest!”

sana’s voice is trembling so hard, and she’s already stepping out of bed, sheets forgotten as she stumbles momentarily.

momo’s quick to slide out after her, the younger woman already by the door and leaving their bedroom.

“sana, wait…!”

“dahyun! dahyun-ah!”

sana calls out, voice painfully solitary in the expanse of their house, now once again too big for just the two of them. the night is dark, but momo feels like it’s even darker in their home, a light seemingly snuffed.

“dahyunnie!”

momo’s right behind her as she slides open the door to the garden, the sounds of the evening flooding into her periphery as sana continues to call out.

the winter chill washes over the two of them as momo begins to see her breath materialize as she heaves.

“where’d you go?”

momo doesn’t have it anymore. the strength to stop sana from calling out. in truth, it’s all she wants to do as well. except she knows full well where dahyun’s gone.

“p-please, you were—you were right here, don’t leave us again, please!”

there’s desperation in her voice, and tomorrow morning, momo knows the neighbors will file a complaint or knock on their door. but momo doesn’t care anymore.

“satang.”

she calls softly.

sana turns to her, tears flowing down her cheeks and face twisted in so much pain, momo can’t bare to stand the sight of it.

“she…she wouldn’t leave us, right? momo, she didn’t go, right? she’s still here?”

momo shakes her head, stepping softly towards sana as tears go down the side of her own face.

“sana, dahyun would never leave us. not on purpose. but she’s…she’s gone now, sana.”

sana doesn’t seem to believe it, hands going up to her ears.

“i heard her, momo, i heard her! she shouldn’t be walking, she needs to lie down, i—!”

momo lurches forward, capturing sana in her arms before she can fall forward. the younger woman is sobbing into her arms now, ruining momo’s shirt.

“i have you, sana. i have you.”

sana’s beating her hands on momo’s chest, and each pounding of her fist cements the ache in momo’s heart, an ache born from missing someone who’d gone too soon.

“i-it’s…it’s unfair! we just got her back, and i…! we didn’t have enough time, we just—i couldn’t! i can’t, momo, i can’t!”

they both fall to the grass, sana completely losing function in her legs as momo supports her body.

even then, it feels wrong, because another pair of arms should be supporting them.

“shhh…it’s okay, satang. dahyun loves you.”

momo whispers into sana’s ear the only truth that’s been holding her together. the truth that she’d promised not to forget.

“dahyun-ah, i love you, please just come back to us…”

sana’s plead goes unheard in the void of the night.

momo doesn’t know how to respond to that, because it’s all she asks for every day and every night.

“m-momo…don’t leave me too.”

sana moans into momo’s chest, and every word out of her mouth breaks momo’s heart bit by bit, and she’s not sure how she can mend the cracks anymore.

“i’m not leaving you. never. i’m here, i’m always here.”

sana grabs fistfuls of momo’s shirt, her cries becoming more pained and angry as she’s run out of tears to shed.

they sit like that for a few moments, where the only thing momo can hear is the sound of sana’s cries dying out, becoming softer and softer until she’s certain sana’s tired them out.

“let’s go back to bed, okay?”

sana’s stopped responding, hiccuping and sobbing softly as momo takes her into her arms, slowly walking her to their bed.

this is the third night in a row sana’s woken up in the middle of the night already, calling for their lost love. and each time, momo dutifully follows her wife into the garden, to take her back to bed.

by the time momo gets to their bedroom, sana’s asleep, face still twisted in pain as tear tracks stain her cheeks.

she makes sure her wife is comfortable, placing a pillow by her side, and fluffing the one under her head.

her eyes glance over to a side table, where a framed picture of them sits.

sana, dahyun, and momo.

momo allows herself one solitary sob, a cry of sorrow as she mourns.

then she wipes away her tears and leans in, kissing sana on the forehead as her lips part to murmur.

“i love you, satang. dahyun loves you.”

sana sighs, shuddering in her sleep as her body finally relaxes.

tucking her arms into sana’s warmth, momo slips into a fitful sleep, and dreams of a pale white girl who’d traveled the world just to be with them.

“dahyun?”

sana always says her name with a specific ring to her voice that always tickles her heart in a funny way. she turns from her desk, seeing the older girl knocking on her half-open door, small smile on her face.

“yes, unnie?”

“i brought you something!”

she practically skips into dahyun’s room, as messy and unorganized as it is. dahyun can’t find it in her to care, sana’s practically memorized where everything is despite the mess.

“what’s this?”

sana’s got a plastic bag in her hands, offered and outstretched to dahyun. she takes it, inspecting it as sana replies.

“your favorite snacks!”

it is, indeed, a bag of her favorite snacks. her chest lightens.

“unnie, you know we’re not allowed to bring food up to the dorm rooms.”

dahyun scolds her, but there’s absolutely no heat in it, just warmth and fuzziness from the kind gesture.

“i know! i just wanted to get you something nice. momoring said you were having a hard time recently, so…”

sana shifts her weight from one foot to the other, like a shy child waiting for their reward for doing a good deed.

“oh…momo told you that, huh?”

dahyun sighs. of course, she would have. they’re two peas in a pod, there’s no way she wouldn’t have shared that fact with sana.

“she did. she also said that you were having trouble with some of your work. so here i am. i’m going to help you!”

sana pulled an extra chair from the corner of dahyun’s room, placing it next to dahyun and sliding into it, bright smile on her face.

“h-here you are? to help?”

dahyun gives her a bit of an incredulous look, as sana nods eagerly.

“but…unnie, aren’t you an arts major?”

“mhm!”

“and…i’m in social sciences.”

“yeah, and?”

“…never mind, unnie. come closer so you can see.”

the rest of the night is spent like that, sana by dahyun’s side, pointing out specific words and phrases that clearly don’t make sense to her, but she apparently deems important enough to say out loud. each word and phrase merits her a pat on the head, which puts a bright smile on her face.

honestly, it does help a little.

by the end of it, sana has her head buried into her arms on dahyun’s desk, right next to her books. dahyun stretches her arms, letting out an exhale of breath. it rouses sana from her small nap, eyes blearily opening.

“bwuh…are we done, dahyunnie?”

she doesn’t lift her head too far up from the table, instead just twisting her head to give dahyun a sleepy grin that tickles dahyun’s heart.

“yeah, we’re done, unnie. thank you for the company. and the snacks.”

dahyun puts her head on the table, opposite sana’s, as she gives her a big grin. sana giggles, slow and drowsy.

“anything for you, dahyunnie.”

sana smiles fondly at her, before propping her head up on her palms, giving dahyun a meaningful look.

“i know i…have a hard time talking about things…but if you ever need anything, you know i’m always here, right? even if…it’s something stupid like keeping you company while you write your…conceptual theory or whatever.”

dahyun rolls her eyes, chuckling.

“first of all, it’s conceptual framework, unnie. and second of all…”

she cups sana’s face with her right hand, leaning on her left palm.

“…i don’t think anything you do for me is stupid.”

and sana beams, bright as the sun that she is, a smile that’s able to push away all of dahyun’s fears away, calm her mind, and make her heart race all at the same time. sana always manages to do this somehow, make dahyun feel as if her chest’s about to collapse in itself because of how strong her feelings are and—

all of a sudden, sana’s leaning in, eyes closing and lips puckering cutely. she stops at the last second, hovering just a few millimeters from dahyun’s lips.

dahyun chuckles, and indulges her, closing the distance and pressing her lips against hers.

sana almost jerks back from the sensation, but eventually relaxes, and dahyun can feel her lips, soft and sweet with some sort of candy lip gloss that tastes wonderful on dahyun’s tongue.

then all of a sudden sana’s pulling back, eyes wide and lips half-parted as she exhales sharply.

“w-wow…”

dahyun giggles at her loss of words.

“let’s go to bed, unnie.”

sana joins her as she heads into bed, and she only leaves when she has classes in the afternoon the next day.

“dahyun?”

sana freezes as she steps into the kitchen, momo’s echoing call stopping her in her tracks.

her wife is standing there, eyes blinking at her, until they turn foggy and she looks back down towards the eggs she’s cooking.

“oh…sorry, i just…today’s her turn to cook with me, and i…”

momo loses track of what she’s saying, her train of thought clearly leaving her, and sana swallows, feeling the tears start to well up, so early in the morning too.

“…are you going back to work yet?”

sana deflects, because that’s all she’s good for. deflecting from the elephant in the room, even when it’s stomping all over them.

“no, i…my boss allowed me to take a leave.”

she nods, and takes her seat by the table, pretending everything is alright in the world when it isn’t.

momo eventually plates the eggs, their usual routine as she slips the dishes onto the table.

sana freezes once more.

“m-momoring…”

momo looks up, listlessly as she pauses in her movement.

“you…you prepared three plates.”

she sees momo look down towards their small dining table, and there are three plates. one by sana, one by momo, and one in between.

“i…i did. hah…my bad.”

sana’s struggling. struggling not to let the pain show on her face because momo, ever reliable momo, for the first time in her life, just looks so lost, shaky, like there’s no foundation underneath her feet.

momo silently puts away the third plate, staring at it for a moment in her hands, before she puts it back in the cabinet.

they eat quietly, the clinking of utensils the only sounds in the space of their home.

“what are you doing today?”

sana’s still on her leave, and so is momo. there’s nothing for them to do. no work.

“there’s still a lot to do.”

sana stills once more. momo spoons some food into her mouth.

“i have to warm the towels, and then we need to make the soup.”

towels? soup? they only did that before…

sana’s heart leaps to her throat. and the look on momo’s face…it’s as if she’s on autopilot, reciting from an outdated manual her plan for the day.

“we’ve run out of IV fluid. i need to go to the hospital and get some more. i think i can get some scented candles, too. she doesn’t like the smell of the hospital.”

momo’s words are like a droning noise that runs in the background of a computer program, automatically executing.

“her prescriptions are fine, so we won’t need to get more for a week or two, but just in case, i can run by and get them.”

sana shuts her eyes, and she can’t stop momo from speaking, because their routine has become so natural to her.

“…did i miss something?”

sana whispers softly in reply to momo’s aimless question.

“the records.”

momo nods then, face completely passive.

“right…she finished those old records, i need to buy some more while i’m out. maybe i can get her some flowers too, while i’m at it.”

tears are flowing down sana’s cheeks, but momo doesn’t seem to notice.

“and then i can pass by jeongyeon at the office and ask for that lego set she promised to give us, because dahyun said she always wanted to try—”

momo halts, as if saying her name out loud has stopped every semblance of time in her mind.

she blinks, once, twice, then stares.

“…ah.”

they sit in silence at the table.

“i…”

momo looks down at her hands, and sana knows that the older woman’s always loved taking care of dahyun.

and now that she doesn’t have that…

momo looks small, smaller than sana’s ever seen her, as she blinks up at her.

“what…what do i do today, sana?”

sana usually doesn’t know. doesn’t know what to say. her thoughts usually jumble up in her mind and she usually doesn’t know how to word what she feels, what she wants to show.

but she reaches out to momo, hand reaching across the table as she grips momo’s hand.

“today…there’s nothing to do, momoring.”

momo’s been running herself ragged. she organized all of the bills, the payment for the funeral, the burial, the invitations, everything. and throughout it all, sana doesn’t think she’s seen her take one break.

“but i…there must be something i can do. i can’t just sit here…”

sana stands, hand still in momo’s as she crosses the threshold and takes her wife into her embrace.

“there’s nothing more to do, momo.”

she repeats, and momo’s fists clench as she scowls, heat burning its way into her throat.

“no, no…i…could have done more, i should have done more, why didn’t i do more?”

self-loathing permeates through her voice, like she’s the one to blame for what they’ve lost. sana hates it, it doesn’t sound like momo at all.

“momoring…you did all you could.”

momo looks up at her, angry tears flowing down her cheeks as she grips sana’s hand tightly.

“…not enough. it wasn’t enough, sana, it wasn’t…i wasn’t…”

sana buries her face into momo’s hair, kissing the crown of her head over and over as she tries and fails to stifle her own tears.

“what else can i…there must be something i can do, i can’t just…”

she kneels down, pressing kisses to momo’s cheeks in an effort to get her to listen.

“momoring, there’s…there’s something you can do.”

momo looks up at her, eyes red and full of pain.

“…you can rest, momo.”

the word is foreign to her, sana knows. momo never rests until both her girls are safe and happy.

“r-rest?”

sana nods, gripping momo’s hand intensely.

“yeah…you can rest. you can…spend the whole day in bed. i’ll deal with the chores.”

momo stares back at her food.

“but…who would i be helping?”

sana’s eyes flicker to the mantlepiece, where a picture of them, together in college, sits peacefully.

sana, dahyun, and momo.

she exhales slowly, carefully, as she speaks.

“you’d…you’d be helping dahyun. she wants you to rest. you’ve done everything you can, momoring.”

momo can’t seem to process it.

“i-i…”

so sana doesn’t let her.

she gently guides momo to stand up, tugging her along like one of her children, her students, to their bedroom, and pulls away the covers.

momo doesn’t resist as sana gently nudges her into the bed, eyes still glazed over and frame still sagging.

“get some rest, momoring…leave it to me for once.”

it’s then that momo meekly nods, as sana pulls the covers up to her chest. she leans in, kissing momo on the forehead.

“dahyun wants you to rest.”

sana repeats, and momo blinks again, eyes beginning to well up with tears.

“okay…for dahyun.”

momo closes her eyes.

once she’s sure momo’s fallen asleep, which doesn’t take long, sana takes careful strides towards the door, and shuts it gently behind her.

the house is a mess. there’s unwashed dishes in the sink, dust has gathered over every significant piece of furniture, and the laundry hasn’t been done.

she shudders for a moment, and wipes away a few tears that come to her.

“for dahyun.”

sana echoes softly, as she begins to do the chores.

the girls take time out of their day to visit the two, unlike before. they must have their own lives to return to, having spent so much time out of their schedules already to visit dahyun.

but they visit anyway, and sana and momo are all the more grateful for it.

tzuyu and chaeyoung make the effort to go see them a lot, despite their work at the cafe.

their visits are fraught with chaeyoung showing them her new artworks, rambling about their meaning and colors, many of her recent ones being abstract images of what they know to be a pale lady who looks stunningly beautiful. she always ends up crying afterwards, and neither of them can help but shed a tear as well.

“will you keep this one for me?”

“…chaeyoung, we can’t possibly—”

“please, unnie? i just…it would be best with you two. i want you to keep it.”

“i…”

“if you insist, chaeyoung-ah. thank you so much.”

tzuyu teaches them knitting, as well as crocheting. it’s something that keeps her hands busy, she says, when it gets too hard. many of her pieces, gloves, hats, scarves, and tops, are the perfect size for a special someone they all miss very dearly.

“these are a lot of…clothes, tzuyu-yah.”

“sorry, it got a little out of hand.”

“who’s going to wear all this, tzu?”

“…i’m sure you’ll figure it out, unnie.”

jeongyeon and jihyo visit pretty often, which might be because they live the closest, just a few minutes away from momo’s workplace.

jihyo cooks for them. a lot. like, a lot a lot. it’s reminiscent of their years in college, when no one else knew how to operate the gas stove in their rickety kitchen. their fridge is full of leftovers that could probably last them weeks. many of them are their better half’s favorites, and they’re slowly becoming sana and momo’s favorites, too.

“is that…a whole chocolate cake, ji?”

“yeah.”

“jihyo…w-why?”

“she…she liked it when i made it for her.”

“…thanks, ji.”

jeongyeon buys them lego sets, all of them older sets that aren’t too complex but take a while to build. she’s quiet when she builds them alongside sana and momo, and afterwards, she puts them on the mantlepiece, in view of the whole house, a proud smile on her face.

“take care of this, okay? try not to knock it over, sana.”

“i won’t, promise.”

“you think she’d like it if i put it here?”

“…yeah, she would. thanks, jeong.”

but unsurprisingly, mina and nayeon visit the most.

nayeon actually takes them out of the house, buying them all sorts of clothes and accessories that they never would, somehow splurging on them with leftover wealth they didn’t know she had. it’s nice, but by the end of her visits, they’ve always bought more than they can even bother to use.

“unnie, this perfume smells…really nice.”

“you like it? i got it because…it was her favorite.”

“…yeah, we like it.”

“i’ll make sure to buy you some more, then.”

mina stays with them the most. which is no surprise. mina’s always been the one they could confide in, the third member of the japanese trio in the dorm. she spends whole days with them, staying by their side and talking to them, keeping their spirits up. she watches movies with them, goes out to the mall with them, even has sleepovers in their living room, just like they used to.

“are you two comfy?”

“yep!”

“mhm. thanks, mitang.”

“of course. someone has to take care of you two.”

“…”

it gets hard somedays.

hard enough that sana has difficulties getting out of bed and cries herself to sleep.

hard enough that momo goes on autopilot and doesn’t process anything.

“…mitang?”

“mm?”

“do you…do you think…we can move on, somehow?”

“…honestly? no. i don’t think so.”

“oh…”

“but you don’t have to. processing grief doesn’t always mean moving on. sometimes it means keeping it with you, a part of you.”

“hah…i don’t think we could even move on, any way.”

“and that’s okay. remembering is good. remembering means you loved her.”

sometimes, they just have to remember that they’re not alone. that they’re not the only ones that have lost someone so dear to them.

it doesn’t make it any less painful.

but it does make it easier.

“momoring?”

it’s another calm night. somber. peaceful.

they’re in each other’s arms, as they always are.

“yeah?”

the wind’s quiet tonight. not like it has been the past few winter days.

“i miss dahyun.”

howling and screaming into the night, the wind has been restless.

“…i miss dahyun, too.”

but not tonight. tonight it is a blanket of cold, not too harsh, but enough to chill.

“do you…do you think she’s somewhere out there? past all this?”

it’s somewhere close to reassuring.

“i’d like to think she is. somewhere nice, hopefully.”

nowhere near an embrace and a promise of safety and happiness.

“maybe…maybe somewhere she can listen to her records.”

a promise like that is not guaranteed to anyone.

“yeah. that’d be nice. and somewhere she can eat a lot of chocolate.”

no, it’s a hand on the shoulder. solitary, but warm.

“do you…do you think she’s thinking of us?”

it’s a quiet promise, one that no one ever hears in the depths of loss.

“i think she is. no, i…i know she is.”

it’s hard to hear, truly, when one is surrounded with such grief.

“…i hope she knows we’re thinking of her.”

but it is there, if you listen closely enough. a whisper of a promise.

“she knows. i’m sure she does.”

one that says that things are going to be okay.

“your bed’s so small, dahyunnie.”

“yeah, i’m pretty sure your elbow’s, like, digging into my stomach.”

dahyun scoffs.

“and who was it that decided that they’d stay in my bed tonight?”

a chorus of giggles surrounds her, and despite how tightly packed they are into dahyun’s single-bed, she’s never felt so warm and comfortable.

“i dunno, dahyunnie. you never said no.”

momo’s voice has a twinkle of amusement to it, as always, as dahyun grumbles, further burying her face into sana’s neck.

“you’re not getting cuddle privileges.”

sana giggles, eagerly taking in dahyun’s snuggles as momo pouts behind dahyun’s back.

“unfair. sana always gets cuddle privileges.”

“well, maybe you need to stop bullying her, momoring.”

momo chuckles, slithering up to dahyun and nestling her head into dahyun’s neck from behind, spooning her.

“i can’t help it. you’re too cute not to bully.”

dahyun whines, heat building in her face. sana snickers once more.

“stop teasing her already, momoring.”

momo laughs, huddling closer to dahyun.

“okay, okay, i’ll stop.”

they lay there quietly, the winter chill no match for the warmth they have for each other, the warmth that sustains their love.

“we’re graduating soon.”

it’s a quiet whisper that leaves dahyun’s mouth. trepidation, hesitance, and anxiety threaten to spill over, and she’s adamant that sana and momo don’t hear it. thankfully, they don’t.

“mm, yeah.”

dahyun tries to keep her breathing steady.

“do you…do the two of you have any plans?”

there’s a pause, a moment of silence.

momo hums in thought.

“well, i’m going to be a lawyer. probably gonna go into corporate. it’s not gonna be…fun, but at least we’ll have money.”

sana sighs, a little unsure.

“you know, i don’t know. what the heck am i gonna do with an arts degree?”

dahyun ponders for a moment, rubbing circles into sana’s back as she adjusts, clearing her throat.

“maybe…a teacher? you’re good with kids, right, unnie?”

“a teacher? well…that doesn’t sound too bad.”

dahyun giggles.

“i can’t believe you’ve gotten this far without an idea of where to go after college, unnie.”

sana pouts, pinching dahyun’s side and eliciting a yelp.

“it’s hard, okay! besides, what’re your plans, anyway?”

dahyun quiets down. plans? she only has one, really.

and that’s to leave.

“i’d…traveling sounds nice. going all over the world and seeing everything there is to be seen.”

in a way, she will be fulfilling her plans. just not how she’d imagined.

“travel, huh? well…it might take a while because of the expenses, but i think we can do it.”

dahyun blinks, confused.

“huh? what do you mean?”

momo snorts, and her voice is filled with adoration.

“you didn’t think we’d let you go on your own, did you?”

sana nods eagerly, bright smile even in the dark of her bedroom.

“yeah, and let you get to see all those countries without us? not a chance!”

dahyun’s heart leaps up to her throat, in the worst way possible.

“i…”

it’s all she wants. to be selfish, and stay for the two of them. ignore everything that has to do with her body, her health. ignore her parents, ignore the sane thing to do, which is to fight.

“dahyunnie…did you think you weren’t included in our plans?”

sana’s voice is soft, heartfelt, as she gazes into dahyun’s eyes.

“it’s not that, unnie, i just…”

she shouldn’t be in their plans. not when she’s going to leave.

“dahyun, you’ll always be part of what we do.”

momo closes her arms around dahyun’s stomach, and it’s then that dahyun begins to choke, the tears welling in the corners of her eyes.

she feels so much for these two, so much hope, so much faith, so much love.

“it’s sana, dahyun, and momo, remember?”

so much of it that she can’t possibly bear to be selfish.

“…okay, unnie.”

not when they’re baring their souls to her, letting her into something so powerful, so sacred.

“we love you, dahyunnie.”

it’s then that she resolves herself.

dahyun will fight.

she will give everything of herself, everything she could possibly sacrifice, just to get better.

just to make it back to sana and momo.

“i love you too.”

dahyun closes her eyes, lets two pairs of arms close around her, and basks in the surety of their love.

“i’m home.”

a tired sigh leaves momo’s mouth. another restless day at work. she’d think they’d cut her some slack, but she’s already spent enough time on leave, she guesses.

warm arms come around the small of her back.

“welcome back, momoring.”

sana feels momo reciprocate the gesture, arms coming around her as she says nothing, simply breathing in sana’s air.

“hard day at work?”

momo nods.

“lots of stuff to catch up on. it’s alright, i’ll get through it eventually.”

sana hums, then takes momo’s hand, rubbing it soothingly.

“the kids missed me a lot, too. a lot of them cried when they saw me.”

momo chuckles, bringing up sana’s hand to her lips and kissing it.

“i’ll bet they did. you’re the best teacher there, after all.”

sana slaps her shoulder jokingly, chuckling.

“i am not. dahyun was way better than—”

she stops.

they both still, quieting for a bit.

then momo brings her hand up to sana’s shoulder, caressing it gently as she gives her a reassuring smile.

sana exhales softly, before looking up at momo, cupping her face with a serene smile that seemed to say what she cannot.

“let’s eat. you must be hungry.”

dinner is a soft, quiet affair. it always is, with the two of them. they trade stories of work, stories of friends, stories of fun. light chuckles and frank giggles. fond smiles and loving gazes.

“i got us the adoption papers.”

“yeah? did you talk to the mother?”

“mhm. she was really excited to see me, actually. i ended up having to stay in the hospital a little bit longer. she’s due any day now.”

“that’s cute. i should pass by with you, one of these days.”

“you should. she adores you. oh, and…she’s letting us name the baby. i’ve already filled it out on the form.”

“oh, so she agreed? let me see…oh, you…are very sneaky, mrs hirai.”

“what? you let me pick up the papers, and i had to sign them.”

“hirai dahyun? really?”

“minatozaki dahyun is a lot longer, you know. i don’t want our kid to have trouble spelling their name.”

“ugh…fine. you win. but the next one will have my name, got that?”

“of course, mrs minatozaki.”

after dinner, they watch a little bit of tv. but it’s not really watching tv. it’s more of spending time with one another. it could be anything, from reading a book, to playing a game, to just laying on the couch.

as long as they’re together, things are okay.

after that, they wash up, cleaning each other off as they go through their nightly routines.

then, they slip into bed, a record player in their bedroom playing soft, classical music that soothes the soul.

momo’s eyes twinkle as she lays on her side, staring at one of the women she loves the most.

“hi.”

sana’s bright smile glows in the dark as she grasps the hand of one of her soulmates.

“hi.”

they look at each other for a while, eyes taking in the form of one of the pieces of their heart, so tender in their warmth.

then one of them leans in. it does not really matter who does, to be frank. what matters is that one of them closes in, an admission of love.

sometimes, it’s momo kissing sana’s forehead. sometimes, it’s sana kissing momo’s cheek. other times, kisses are shared on their necks, traveling down their body in a fit of passion.

tonight, they both lean in. their lips meet, softly and surely in the night. they pull away.

“good night, momoring.”

“good night, satang.”

there is a pause, as they close around each other, warming each other in their embrace.

then, a shared whisper.

“good night, dahyun.”

things are going to be okay.

when winter comes to an end, and the seasons have passed, there is a moment of tender reflection, one that speaks to the soul and calls forth some melancholic feeling of something ending.

“sana? momo?”

“yes, dahyunnie?”

“…i love you two. please don’t forget that.”

“we love you too, dahyun.”

but one must remember that with the ending of winter, there will always come a new spring.