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Chapter Text

Ronan had a busy day at the Barns, with him milking cows and feeding hens, collecting eggs and brushing the horses and then looking after the crops for the day. It was going to be harvest season soon and the fields were overflowing with produce that made Ronan ache with happiness. It was lush greens and coffee browns. the fragrance of flowers and the earthy smell of the soil.

Henry had somewhat tried to help as he had successfully collected all the eggs from the coop but had ended up getting chased by a hen. And then two more. It had left Ronan laughing to the point that he was in tears. But Henry sure was a fast as fuck at picking berries from the bushes and gathering fruits from trees with Chainsaw's help.

After Gansey, Blue and Henry had left for their trip through South America, after Noah had disappeared after their tryst with the demon and after Adam had left for Harvard, Ronan was alone. He had Opal for company (who annoyed him mostly), Declan and Matthew visited regularly, Maura and Dean who made regular trips to the Barns to "see the animals", to which Ronan would say, sure . He had people around him, noise and life but in his head, he was always alone, no matter how many times Adam told him that he wasn't.

Adam called him every alternate day, texted everyday throughout whenever he could get time. He got Adam selfies regularly. A shirtless Adam brushing his teeth, a sleepy Adam with coffee and books, a happy Adam hanging out with his friends who Ronan knew by face but didn't bother to remember their names. 

And then, Adam, his Adam who talked to him about his day till he was breathless, his Adam who worried about money and grades, his Adam who forgot to eat and Ronan had to yell at him, his Adam who missed him, his Adam who would cry on the phone on days his memories clawed into his chest and settled there, his Adam who was so deeply scared of himself after the demon, his Adam who asked Ronan if it hurt even if he very well knew it did. His Adam who loved him, his Adam who always said alter idem , because who was Ronan Lynch if not the other half of Adam Parrish?

Ronan would ramble and complain about his day on the Barns, about the sticks and stones Opal collected and stored in the little Barn Ronan had made for her (not dreamt because Adam had chided him to make something himself for the Orphan girl) and about himself. On days when he shut himself, he didn't talk to Adam and let his tears flow and through the phone screen, Adam spoke and Ronan would lean into the ghost of him, forehead resting on the screen, as if it could almost feel Adam through. 

The last time Ronan had spoken to him, he had told Adam to not come back. The last time Ronan had spoken to him, the November weather had been the worst, as if it knew. The last time Ronan had spoken to him, he had told Adam that they were over. The last time Ronan had spoken to him, he hadn't dreamt for weeks after that, just cried himself till the point his exhaustion made him pass out.

It had been twelve years. 

Twelve years since everything. Glendower, the demon, everything. Twelve years since Ronan had last spoken to Adam. Twelve years since Opal had begun asking the question "where's my Atom?" And twelve years of telling her that "he's not coming back, runt". 

Ronan's life had been mundane hell, a sudden Adam Parrish shaped hole carved into it and making its presence known loudly. The first few months had been hell. Absolute hell. Ronan didn't know what he could've done if Declan hadn't moved into the Barns or Maura hadn't driven with Dean to check up on him every alternate day. He didn't eat, cried himself to sleep, walked about absent mindedly around the fields. 

He walked for hours, watched the cows and horses and hens, talked shit and fought with Opal about Adam. It was always Adam, Adam, Adam. It would always be Adam, Adam, Adam . He would do nothing, eat the bare minimum, cry into Declan's arms while cursing at him for being a dickhead and an asshole.

Declan held him like he was the most precious and fragile thing in the world, a younger brother so hurt by love, whose love always hurt. But how could anything be precious and fragile if it was already broken?

It was a big Adam shaped hole that had been carved into his life, one that he himself had. Everyday he woke up alone, Adam's side of the bed empty and cold. He was never there in the first place, Ronan often forgot. He'd expected Adam to be in the kitchen, making coffee while a sleepy Opal babbled to him but all he found was Declan making breakfast and Opal outside.

Adam's place in his life was never erased, just left empty. Adam's side of the bed, his side of the wardrobe, the space where he kept his shoes beside Ronan's. The corner of Ronan's heart. All that was left was the ghost of Adam's memory, lingering behind.

Slowly and carefully, he had begun to mend himself up. He began to eat (mostly because Maura had begun threatening him), listened to Opal when she rambled instead of getting irritated and fighting with her. He explained to her about his relationship with Adam, whatever he could. He had held her when she cried. Held her when she called for Adam in the days that followed, and was met with disappointment. Held her when she missed Adam telling her bedtime stories. 

Ronan tried to, but how could he be Adam?

He fought with Declan, which wasn't new but it wasn't punches and broken knuckles and split lips. It was hollow anger thrown back and forth about who'd do the dishes or who'd lock up the Barns. Matthew visited regularly when he got time from classes in Boston and the Lynch brothers would be together under the house again, just like old times. Maybe not just like old times, but new didn't necessarily mean bad. Maybe it was a new start to their relationship as well.

Ronan had started slow. Eating regularly, exercising a bit, sleeping (he had pointedly not entered the dreamscape for he was scared of what he'd end up seeing or worse, taking out). It was slowly building himself back up, with help from Declan, Maura and Dean. Gansey, Blue and Henry hadn't known until a couple of months later and thereafter called regularly to check up. Ronan was surprised that Adam hadn't told them. Or maybe he had and they were just acting. He then started working on the Barns, repairing them and repainting them. 

The first time he had dreamt was six months after the breakup and to his not surprise, it had been horrible. He'd dreamt of Adam breaking his hands when the demon had possessed him. He'd dreamt of Adam choking him to death. He'd woken up with blood everywhere and Declan had a panic attack when he had seen it. It was horrible. Ronan had a sneaking suspicion that Declan had called Adam the next day.

Every time he slept, everytime he woke up it was pieces of Adam that made out of the dreams along with him. Adam's watch, Adam's latin notebook from Aglionby, Adam's denim overalls, Adam's deck of tarot cards, hand lotion, the mixtape he had left in Adam's shitty Hondayota and Adam's favourite flower that smelled like him. 

The last one still rested in the farthest corner of Ronan's desk drawer, fresh as ever even after twelve long years. It was a single flower, a chrysanthemum the color of Adam's hair almost, orange and beige with a few green leaves and a long stem. It was Adam's favourite flower and when Ronan had then looked it up, chrysanthemums were birthday flowers of people born in November. In that briefest of moments, Ronan had hated Adam Parrish, if that was even possible.

Three years later, the Barns had turned into a cottagecore haven of sorts. The field were full of produce, the cows gave liters and liters of milk and the hens gave eggs and meat. Ronan had once told Declan that he had wanted to be a farmer, and here he was. Declan still had been a big part of it, helping Ronan out with stuff by managing the deals and monetary businesses. Declan had always been good at that. Lynch Farms and Produce supplied to multiple places and Ronan had found some semblance of peace in this storm.

Three years later, a corner of the Barns hid the entrance to Lindenmere. Lindenmere, born from Ronan's grief, Ronan's healing, Ronan's mind, Ronan's dreams. Lindenmere that was so highly reminiscent of Cabeswater, Lindenmere whose trees spoke Ronan's latin. Lindenmere who ever so carefully whispered the word incantator . 

He worked, dicked around with Opal, took long drives (to places he and Adam always went. Not that anybody would find out) and visited 300 Fox Way. He talked to the witches about the farms, to Dean about the market and what he could do to expand the business. 

A pleasant surprise had been Henry Cheng calling him a year ago asking if he knew any places to rent as Henry wanted to stay in Henrietta. He was working for his mother and needed a play that was a semblance of home. Not that anybody thought Ronan was nice (maybe except the people who knew him). Ronan had at all but yelled at Henry for asking such a thing and then proceeded to offer the Barns to stay. Henry hadn't spoken for all of forty five seconds after the rant. Ronan would rather have a friend stay in his house with him than some shitty apartment with unnecessary luxurious rent in Henrietta.

So a week or so later, Henry Cheng had effectively moved into the Barns and become roommates with Ronan and Opal. Blue and Gansey had laughed till they were crying when Ronan had broken the news. Ronan had cursed at them in irritation, hoping his anger would teleport all the way to Boston to their apartment.

Henry had been a chaotic yet amazing roommate. He gave Ronan space when he needed but also annoyed him when he knew Ronan was in a good mood. It honestly surprised Ronan how observant Henry was. He didn't press on topics Ronan didn't want to touch, made amazing food and helped out on the farms (he was utterly clumsy and didn't know anything but Ronan was more than happy to teach him) and mostly kept Adam out of conversation even if Ronan knew he talked to Adam even still.

Said roommate was currently sitting in the lawn, his back against a brown fluffy cow who was peacefully dozing. Henry was engrossed in his laptop, occasionally taking calls and petting the sleeping cow and getting up to walk around with Opal, who as usual was finding weird stuff around, Chainsaw flying in lazy circles around her. Ronan was exhausted after a whole day of work, legs and hands aching as he stirred coffee into his warm cup of milk as he watched Henry sitting outside and Opal hopping about. 

Not that he would admit to anybody (maybe to- never mind) he liked having Henry here. Henry helped, was a great roommate and also an excellent chef. Ronan was grateful for him, for the good days and the bad ones saw Henry being there for Ronan, physically and emotionally.

Of course nobody would replace Gansey or Adam, but Ronan wasn't relying on them for himself, not he was relying on Henry. But Henry didn't try to fix him, didn't tell fake words of wisdom, instead just stayed with him, his presence weirdly grounding Ronan.

"I can't and I won't fix you, Ronan. Neither can Gansey or Blue or him. But that doesn't mean I won't be there for you", Henry had told him one day. Ronan believed him. Because just like him, Henry didn't lie. To him, at least.

Ronan poured the fragrant coffee into two mugs and carried them out. He sat beside Henry, who was talking on the phone and gave him a trademark Henry Cheng grin. Ronan couldn't help but grin back. Chainsaw flew down and sat on his shoulder, pecking at his ear. Ronan glared at her before he started petting her feathers.

"Seriously Parrish? You okay?" Henry asked. "You sound bizarre."

"..."

"If you're sure."

Ronan froze, hearing Adam's name and the fact that Henry was talking to Adam while he sat just beside Ronan. Chainsaw squawked loudly, probably in response to hearing Adam's name. Henry gently knocked their shoulders together, grounding Ronan before he hummed, probably in response to Adam.

"I don't know man, You sound tired", Henry added.

It made Ronan tempted to yell at Adam for being so shit at taking care of himself. Ronan then realised he didn't have the right to do that anymore. Instead, he just breathed and picked up his mug of coffee. Henry hung up the call a moment later, shutting his laptop down.

"How's-" Ronan began, followed by a gesture of his hands to convey the rest. Henry sighed, shaking his head.

"Good. He's back in his town in Ireland currently for another conservation project. He's just tired I think. He was in Naples for a month and half but he's back home."

"Always the careless dumbass", Ronan muttered.

"Awww, is Ronan Lynch having pretty little feelings for Adam Parrish?" Henry smirked.

"Shut the fuck up, Cheng and drink your goddamn coffee", Ronan grumbled. Henry laughed before he picked up his cup and drank his coffee.

They ended up ordering pizza, garlic bread and coke for dinner while Henry went out to get ice cream with Opal. Ronan cleaned up around the house in the meantime. His phone (which he now used) rang in the living room when he was vacuuming the floor. He picked up after he saw Gansey's name flash on the screen.

"Hey Dick."

"Ronan", Gansey said in his usual kingly voice.

"Ronan", Ronan replied, mocking him. 

"I fear something is up with Adam", Gansey almost whispered. Ronan's heart stuttered with worry in his chest.

"What do you mean?"

"I talked to him in the morning. He sounded extremely tired. More than usual. Said he hadn't slept properly in weeks because of work." It was a repeat telecast of Henry's conversation so Ronan wasn't really surprised.

"And you think it's not just work", Ronan said, watching a ball of dust get sucked into the vacuum pipe. Gansey hummed in response. "And why are you telling me this?" 

"Because-" Gansey started. "Because it's Adam. And it's you. You have and you know him better than any of us."

"So what?" Ronan snapped, suddenly angry. "Gansey, it's been twelve fucking years. I don't think I need to know every time something happens to him. I don't fucking care", he snapped. He could get away with lying to himself even if he didn't lie to others.

"Don't you? Don't you care, Ronan?" Gansey asked.

A retort burned on his tongue but instead, Ronan hung up, his chest aching and heaving behind the cage of his ribs. He continued to vacuum and clean up till he heard Henry's car pull up in the parking lot again. He also had the pizza with him. Ronan got them inside, taking the bags and boxes from Henry before he told Opal to wash his hands before she came for dinner.

They ate dinner, Opal having sudden interest in garlic bread while Ronan and Henry watched her fondly. They cleaned up in the kitchen, ate ice cream while watching some movie Opal and Henry had been meaning to watch before they said goodnight and went to sleep. Ronan brushed, changed into a thinner tee-shirt before he got on the bed.

Ronan slipped under the covers, missing the weight of a particular someone on the other side of the bed. It had been twelve years. He checked his phone, scrolling through his mostly unused Instagram and looked at Adam's account because he was shameless. It was mostly pictures of derelict buildings that bored Ronan. It had been twelve years. The only few pictures of Adam existed very deep down, the last one being posted on Halloween. It was a selfie, Adam's hair flying around while he sat in some field surrounded by wildflowers. Recordatio , it captioned. Reminiscence. It had been twelve years.

Ronan kept his phone away, gave a sleeping Chainsaw one last look before he closed his eyes too.

In the middle of the night, in his dreams, he dreamt of somebody. A silhouette walking in front of him, their back facing Ronan. Ronan didn't need to find out who it was. 

The square of the shoulders, the lanky gait of his body and the messy crop of his hair. Adam walked towards nowhere in front of him, Ronan following him. It was in Lindenmere, a grassy path carved amongst the trees as they murmured in Latin. Adam had been there a handful of times, the forest's Magician, the trees' Magician, Ronan's Magician. Ronan didn't have it in him to call out to Adam. Adam felt like a stranger. It had been twelve years.

In the middle of the clearing that appeared soon after, Adam stopped walking and turned around. His face was fallen, a deep frown on his face and his brows etched in worry. 

"Adam", Ronan breathed. Adam's name felt bitter yet deeply familiar on his tongue. "I- I missed you."

"Ronan", was all Adam whispered. The trees rustled loudly.

He held his hand out for Ronan, palm open in invitation in front of Ronan. Ronan contemplated on his further movements. This was a dream after all. It was all happening in his head. Adam opened his mouth to say something when everything stopped. The trees stopped rustling and the birds stopped chirping and everything went dead silent.

The ley line stopped breathing. The ground cracked open right under Ronan's feet and he fell through.

Ronan woke up screaming Adam's name.

Chapter Text

"Adam!", Ronan yelled loudly as he gasped awake, hands clutching his bedsheet.

His whole body was shaking and his throat ached terribly at the yelling. Sweat had beaded at his forehead and body, his hoodie and tee-shirt clinging to it. Rain drizzled outside in lazy showers as streams of water cascaded down the window panes. Chainsaw woke up too, squawking disapprovingly at the sudden noise. Soon enough, he heard shuffling from outside before Henry barged into the room. He hastily switched on the lights before he walked closer and kneeled down beside Ronan.

"Ronan?" He asked.

"Here", Ronan croaked, trying to breathe. He got rid of his hoodie, throwing it into a corner where the laundry was piled up.

"What the fuck man? You scared the shit out of me", Henry replied. 

He switched on the rest of the lights and sat on the edge of Ronan's bed. Ronan swiped his forehead with the back of his hand. Chainsaw flapped her fingers loudly.

"Get dressed. We've to go to 300 Fox Way. Get Opal."

"What the fuck?" Henry asked, blinking at him.

"Henry", Ronan breathed. "Something's happened to the ley line."

Henry gaped at him as his eyes widened. Ronan stared at him, waiting for a response.

"Adam", Henry murmured. "I've to call Adam."

Fear shot through Ronan's body, chest and heart. Not Adam , his mind said. Not Adam . Ronan got up from the bed and squeezed Henry's hand.

"Yeah. Fucking call him and make sure everything is okay. Get dressed and come down quickly."

Henry nodded and left. Ronan went to the washroom, body shaking and knees wobbly but somehow he managed without stumbling. He washed his face and changed into another hoodie and jeans, all whilst thinking about the worst. Adam .

Not Adam, not Adam, not Adam, his mind worried again. Shut the fuck up .

He slipped into his boots and sat down on the couch in the living room, fingers fiddling with the BMW keys as he waited for Henry. Chainsaw had flown outside already, bored. Footsteps down the stairs announced the presence of Opal and Henry, who looked half asleep but still dressed. Ronan got up to leave and Opal hugged him tightly, clutching his knees. Ronan patted her hair.

"Hey runt, it's gonna be fine."

"Atom", she whispered into his ear. Ronan tried not to cry.

"Did you call?" He asked Henry.

"Umm", Henry began, but didn't say anything, apparently lost for words.

"What is it, Cheng?" Ronan snapped, glaring at Henry. Henry flinched.

"Gansey called me. He called but it didn't reach you. Adam called him like half an hour ago."

"That's good", Ronan said. Henry's face fell, his frown deepening.

"No, Ronan. All Adam said was your name before the call went silent. Gansey's trying to reach him again, he'll keep updating us", Henry added.

A fresh wave of panic shot through Ronan as he heard Henry. He felt his knees wobble and give out and Henry quickly caught him. Ronan's eyes burned.

"Not now. We need to know what's happening first."

Ronan hugged Henry tightly, a sob leaving him as his tears fell on Henry's jacket. Henry hugged him back, patting his back.

"Lynch. It'll be okay. Adam will be okay."

"Fuck", he softly swore.

He pulled away eventually, aggressively rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. He dropped the keys into Henry's hands and quietly walked outside with Opal's hand in his. Rain continued to drizzle outside as they made a run for the BMW. Henry quietly drove them, Ronan sitting in the passenger seat as panic continued to claw at his skin and bones. Opal sat quietly in the back, Chainsaw on her lap.

300 Fox Way was eerily quiet when they reached and Maura opened the door even before Ronan could knock.

"Come in, come in", she said. Of course she was expecting them.

They all got in and walked inside, Calla and Jimi already in the kitchen. They didn't look any better than Henry either. Out of the corner of his eyes, Ronan watched a post-it stuck on the refrigerator. It had two words scribbled on it.

cyclus corvorum . The cycle of the ravens.

"What the fuck is happening?" Ronan half-yelled. Maura took a breath before she spoke.

"The ley line has been existing for centuries", she began. "Before humankind, before Glendower, before you. So naturally, it is not never ending. It's a cycle of energy that needs to recharge itself after particular periods of time. It doesn't stop, just the energy becomes a little less powerful and less intense. Because you and Adam are connected to it, the line needs you during this crucial time."

" Fictor and incantator . Dreamer and Magician", Calla added.

"So?" Ronan snapped.

"It recharges after every six years and twenty-one days."

"What?" Ronan asked, confused.

"Yes. It's a slow process which doesn't actually require you actively since you are closer to it already. Today is January twenty-one."

"Fuck. Fuck, it is. But then why did it stop completely?"

"Because your stupid Magician slash ex-boyfriend strayed too far away", Calla snapped in irritation.

Maura shot her a glare. Ronan looked at her and then Maura.

"That won't work on me. They need to be told what the truth is."

"What does that fucking mean?" Ronan asked.

"The last time it happened, Adam was still closer to the line. But he moved to Ireland a couple of years ago, meaning he went away from the line. True that the same lines travel through the world, their supernatural tunes are different. Henrietta, Ireland, India, Japan and everywhere else. There is a line where he stays but this one needs him unlike the rest."

"Because the fucker is tied to Lindenmere. Subsequently the line here", Ronan deduced. The ladies nodded grimly.

"And he's gone too far this time. Persephone had warned him. She had told him to not go too far or else he'll be lost", Calla grumbled, massaging his forehead with her fingers. 

"He has to be back or else he'll be late", Jimi added. "He has to want to come back."

"'He'll be late?'" Ronan asked. "What do you mean?"

"Do you need me to spell it out for you, Snake?"

Ronan prevented himself from yelling. He took a deep breath.

"What the fuck do we do now?" He asked instead.

"Did you contact Adam?" Maura asked.

"Apparently he called Gansey, said my name before the call went dead."

"Good god. It's already started. We cannot waste time, Ronan", Maura said in a worried voice. 

"How much time do we fucking have?"

"The line takes about a week to replenish and restabilize. Six days and twenty-one hours to be precise. Not to the T but that's what the knowledge suggests. The energy is very low, the cards barely feel like anything. A week is all you have or else-" she stopped and covered her mouth, her eyes turning glassy. Calla and Jimi sighed. 

Ronan's eyes met Henry, who was frozen in shock at the conversation. Ronan didn't know what to do. He sat, head in his hands as he tried to think. He tried not to cry. Two phones rang somewhere and Ronan looked up. Maura picked one and Henry picked the second one up, mouthing Gansey at Ronan before he went away. 

"Hello? Yes, this is Maura Sargent."

"..."

"What?" She yelled. "Obviously I fucking know him since I'm listed as his emergency contact ma'am ", she snapped. Ronan tensed, so did everybody else as they stared at Maura.

"..."

"Jesus Christ. Okay, thank you. Yes, somebody will be there to be with Adam Parrish soon."

She hung up and sighed, wiping her eyes.

"He's in the hospital. A friend called an ambulance from his apartment. I'll get an update soon. He's in the ER."

"Gansey called his friend to check up on Adam", Henry said, appearing back. 

"Fuck", Ronan cursed, banging his fist on the table. His eyes burned, tears pricking at them. "That motherfucker."

"Gansey is booking flight tickets. Ronan, do you want to-" Henry asked. Ronan glared at him.

"Don't ask stupid fucking questions, Cheng. Of fucking course I'm going", he snapped, standing up.

Henry startled a bit and nodded. Ronan exhaled shakily. Adam was in god knows what condition in a hospital, alone at a place he barely knew. There were so many levels of fucked up to that, Ronan didn't want to think about it.

"Snake?" Calla called for him. Ronan turned to look at her. "Be careful with him. You won't get another chance", she simply stated. 

Ronan gulped. She wasn't being sarcastic or mocking, she was being honest with him. Ronan nodded.

"Let's go then. What time are we leaving?"

"Gansey will let us know as soon as possible. We might have to go to Boston." Ronan nodded.

"Maura?" Ronan asked. Maura hummed, looking at him. "Can you look after Opal and Chainsaw? I don't want them to- you know, in case anything-" Ronan stopped.

He couldn't say, he couldn't even handle the possibility of losing Adam permanently. He wouldn't let Adam lose himself permanently. He had to bring Adam home, the one place Ronan sent him out of. 

"Of course, Ronan."

Ronan nodded and kneeled in front of Opal, who was sitting on a chair, her eyes red rimmed and glassy. She hadn't spoken a single word since they had come here. Ronan rubbed her cheeks, before catching her hands in his.

"Atom", she said, bottom lip trembling. Ronan squeezed her hands.

"I know, runt. He's gonna be okay. I'm gonna try to bring him home."

" Kerah , bring him home. And tell Atom I miss him", Opal mumbled. Tears flowed down Ronan's cheeks as he nodded. "A lot."

"I will. First thing when I see him. Promise me you'll behave?"

"I will."

"Good."

"Promise me you'll bring Atom back." Ronan flinched.

"You know I can't promise you that, runt."

"Promise me, kerah ", she said, angry.

Ronan just squeezed her hands in response. She glared at him. Ronan hugged her before he got up to leave, Henry and Maura walking behind him. Henry got in the driver's seat. Maura lightly touched Ronan's cheek, looking at him with sad eyes.

"Bring him home", was all she said.

Ronan nodded and hugged her. He told her he'd keep updating her as soon as they reached Ireland. Ronan didn't even know which part of Ireland Adam lived, let alone a city or a street. Henry drove them back quietly, Henrietta dark and quiet under the blanket of the stars and moon, its air cold and unforgiving.

Henry handed him the keys as they got down and quietly walked in front, Ronan watching. Ronan caught up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Henry's eyes were glassy, a frown etched on his otherwise smiling face.

"It's going to be alright, Cheng", Ronan whispered.

"What if he doesn't want to come back home?" Henry asked. More knots tied up in Ronan's chest. 

Henry's stare was as unforgiving as the cold, both him and Ronan fully aware of the implications of his questions. Henry wasn't wrong. Adam didn't have any reasons to come back home, supernatural or not, Lindenmere or not, Home or not. That still didn't mean Ronan wouldn't try.

"He has to", Ronan replied. "He fucking has to."

Henry merely hummed. He rubbed his eyes, Ronan dropped his hand down and quietly they walked back into the house. 

"Gansey's emailed us the tickets to Boston. The flight leaves at eight", Henry said as Ronan was unlacing his shoes. It was almost five am now. "Then we fly to Ireland around noon." 

"Fine. Pack, breakfast and leave."

"Yeah."

Henry nodded and left for his room, Ronan dropping his head back on the couch. How was this even happening? And how had he not realised it the last time the line recharged? Or was it because Adam was here so it didn't affect it as much? Or was it because Ronan dreamed so less that he didn't even realise? There were a lot of questions and not many answers. 

Ronan walked slowly towards his room, more or what once was theirs and not just his. He brushed, showered under steaming hot water, soothing his tired, aching muscles but not his heart. He changed into a shirt, sweater and jeans before he got his bags out. He spotted his phone and his heart hammered when he saw a couple of missed calls. Much to his relief or not (he couldn't gauge), they were all from Gansey or Blue and not-

He had received the email of the flight ticket and an attached "come safely" from Gansey which just annoyed Ronan and he closed the email. He dialled Declan's number after realising he hadn't informed him at all. Declan picked up and started rambling before Ronan could even open his mouth.

"Ronan? Where are you? Is everything okay? Ronan?" Declan said, voice etched with worry that made Ronan ache with the knowledge of how much Declan cared.

"Dec. I'm fine. To your surprise, I am not the problem."

"What do you mean?" 

"Well-" and Ronan repeated what Maura, Calla and Jimi had told him with Declan being silent mostly. 

Declan let out a long sigh after Ronan was done. 

"Are you okay?"

"Obviously not. But I can't just sit here and wait for-" 

"Are you sure you wanna go?"

"Stupid fucking question. I'm going."

"What about Adam?"

"What about him?"

"Ronan. You know what I'm talking about."

We're done, Parrish. It had been twelve years . Please don't come back again . It had been twelve years. I don't think I can do this with you anymore. It had been twelve years . I can't sit here and wait for you when you might not even return . It had been twelve years.

"I know, Dec. I know."

"Yeah. Be careful. Keep updating me, please Ronan."

"I will. Don't tell Matthew."

"Ronan, he-"

"Just don't, okay?" Ronan snapped. "Not yet", he added in a whisper.

"Okay. Take care, Ronan."

Ronan hummed and Declan said goodbye. Ronan hung up and plugged his phone into charging before he began packing his bags. Just out of pure spite and anger, contrary to his habit, he neatly folded his clothes and packed them instead of just dumping them into the bags. He grabbed the toiletries, cash and his passport amongst other things.

He grabbed the chrysanthemum from his drawer, a glass bottle full of colorless, shimmering liquid from another and packed them neatly too. He could leave those things for Adam without talking to Adam right? And there was a fair chance Adam didn't want to talk to him in the first place either. 

He saw Henry packing his bags as he walked downstairs but didn't intrude into his room, just walked downstairs. He kept his bags by the door and went to the kitchen to make coffee. Dean would be here in the morning to check up on the farms and the farmhands anyway so Ronan didn't need to worry about that. Having Dean help out on the farms was a very big plus for him.

Henry appeared a while later, looking marginally better in better clothes and a not so sleepy face. Ronan gave him a nod as he poured the coffee. He picked up his phone as it rang. Maura's name flashed on the screen.

"Hello?" 

"Ronan. I got a call from the hospital again. They're still running tests on him so we don't know anything yet. But I'm afraid whether that will help or not."

"I know. I don't think it will. We're leaving in some time. We'll reach there by midnight at least."

"Yes. We don't have a lot of time, Ronan." Ronan sighed.

"I know."

Maura wished him luck and hung up. He set the coffee in front of Henry and sat down, fingers around the cup, absorbing the warmth.

"They're running tests on him", Ronan informed Henry.

"I'm guessing it's not something that's gonna help him."

Ronan shook his head. Henry looked down at his mug, tracing the rim with his finger and occasionally taking a sip. They left for the airport soon after the cab had arrived and doors were locked and bags were stuffed in trunks. 

"What the fuck is happening?" Henry mumbled.

"I don't know, man", Ronan whispered. "But Parrish is sure as fuck a big idiot."

Henry hummed. "Nothing scares me more than the fact that he's alone there. Sure he has a friend or two but it's not any of us."

"I know, Cheng. He'll probably freak out thinking about hospital bills."

Henry let out a small, sad laugh.

"Adam Parrish, see you soon my man", he whispered. 

Chapter Text

Blue cried in his arms as soon as she rammed into him at the Boston airport. Ronan wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Gansey and Henry hugged and stayed like that for a long time.

"Sargent. Calm the fuck down."

"I'm so scared, Ronan."

"I'm gonna murder Parrish when he wakes up."

Blue let out a small, watery laugh amidst her tears and hummed. Blue pulled away and rubbed her eyes with the sleeves of her Lisa Frank disaster of a denim jacket. Ronan patted her hair and she glared.

"Asshole."

"Takes one to know one."

"Is he still in the ER?"

Ronan nodded. Blue frowned. He caught Gansey's eye and gave him a small smile. Gansey rolled his eyes.

"Fake reassurance won't work on me, Lynch", Gansey said.

"Shut the fuck up."

Gansey hugged him. If he felt Gansey's tears, he didn't say anything. He ran his hand along Gansey's back as Gansey's fists curled around his jacket. 

"Breathe, old man. Third time dying is not a charm probably."

"Ronan", Gansey chided him, voice muffled.

Soon after, their flight to Cork was announced and they walked towards it, passports and tickets in hands. Ronan didn't know how he had even managed to survive ten hours of air. He had taken a dull nap that had lasted all of twenty minutes before a baby had started yelling bloody murder and caused havoc. They all walked out of the flight and into the Cork airport. It was not any less cold here than Henrietta as Ronan zipped up his jacket all the way up to his collar. 

Henry and Blue went off to get them all coffee while Gansey and Ronan waited for their bags.

"Any updates?" Ronan asked.

"They're done with the tests, waiting for the reports now I guess."

"Do we even have his address?"

Gansey gave him a look that clearly suggested, really, Ronan? Ronan shrugged in response.

"Yes. In fact he sent a spare key over last year when he got the new apartment", Gansey supplied.

"You're telling me he sent you an apartment key by courier?" 

"It came along with a few old books for me. But yes."

"Jesus Christ. Such a fucking nerd", he reinstated.

"Well, it is turning out to be useful now isn't it, Lynch?" Gansey asked drily. "Sulk all you want but Adam stayed in contact with all of us all this while. That says a lot, don't you think?" He added, ripping the band-aid off of old wounds in an instant. Ronan's words stuck at his throat so he just glared at Gansey. Gansey levelled him with a cool look.

They all collected their bags and sat down at a table in the lounge as Henry and Blue appeared with coffee and something to eat. It was already past dinner time and they needed to get to the hospital.  

"Even if he stayed in contact", Ronan began, his mood still sour from Gansey's dialogue from before. "He didn't bother to visit, did he?" Henry sighed, Blue and Gansey rolled their eyes.

"To be honest, that's not true. He was here last year. As in Henrietta. He came to visit for a couple of days before he went to Harvard for something and back to Ireland", Blue supplied. Ronan's eyes widened at her.

"What the fuck, Sargent?"

"I'm not surprised that you don't know. He didn't tell anybody. Mom was so shocked to find him at the doorstep. Even the cards didn't tell her", Blue added, amused.

"He did us though, which is a good thing", Gansey supplied.

"Obviously he did", Henry added with his voice edged with pride.

"You met him too?" Ronan asked, surprised. Henry gave him a small smile.

"Well, yeah. He didn't want anybody to know, that's all."

"You mean he didn't want me to know", Ronan grumbled.

"Weren't you the one who told him to not look back? Don't be hypocritical now, Lynch", Blue snapped. Ronan glared but he didn't have a retort for her. Gansey sighed.

"Can we not? There's important things waiting for us. Adam is more important now."

Ronan huffed and drank his coffee and ate his sandwich. They all called cabs, stuffed their bags in and drove to Adam's apartment. They were going to drop the bags there and immediately rush to the hospital. Ronan's heart gained more and more pace, thundering in his chest as they got closer and closer. He was going to be seeing Adam after twelve years. No texts, no calls, no contact. It was as if Adam Parrish had been erased from his life.

Adam's apartment was big and bright and chock full of memorabilia scattered all around on tables and desks and hung on walls. And plants, the living room overflowed with them. Ronan didn't dare to touch anything or even move about anywhere as they all piled their bags in a corner.

On a table by the couch, stood two photo frames. One a photo of all of them on Adam's birthday the year he left for Harvard. They had surprised him by having a dinner party in the Barns. Lights had been hung, food was made and tables were set. Henry had gone out, gotten a cake and a huge bouquet of flowers while Ronan had picked up Adam from his apartment at St. Agnes. They laughed, cried and sang happy birthday in horrible tunes. Adam had not left Ronan's side for even a second.

The second photo was a photo of just him and Ronan, courtesy of one Blue Sargent. Ronan was asleep curled up in Adam's arms, his face hidden under them and Adam's chin on his head. She had probably taken it a few days after the catastrophe with the demon and Cabeswater for Ronan could see traces of bruises on his own neck.

It had been the first time Adam had dared to sleep anywhere near Ronan, or sleep in general for he had spent nights and nights just being wide awake, crying till he could not anymore, staring at his bruised and bandaged hands until the end of time. 

They had both fought that night, crying and fighting and fighting and crying until Ronan had just given up and fallen into Adam's arms. Adam had held him like he was the most precious and fragile thing in the world.

"You can't unbreak me, Adam. You can't unbreak me", Ronan had told him that night, face pressed against Adam's chest.

"I can try, we can try", was all Adam had said.

Ronan had hummed through tears, wet cheeks pressed against Adam's chest . Adam's arms were around his back and his lips cool and chapped on Ronan's forehead. Ronan had fallen asleep because of his exhaustion and woken up still in Adam's arms.

"Adam?"

"Still here."

"Okay", was all he said.

"Good thing you didn't dream me then, right?" Adam has asked, voice rough with sleep and his accent slipping through.

"You are such an asshole, Parrish."

Adam had simply laughed, kissing his cheek. It was okay.

"Ronan?" Blue said, snapping Ronan out of his reminiscent reverie. 

"Yeah?"

"We should go."

Ronan hummed, locked the door to the apartment behind him, pocketing the keys before he joined them and they went to the hospital.

The hospital greeted them with the smell of saline and the pungent odor of medical stuff as Ronan walked inside. They waited while Gansey talked to the receptionist. He called them and they followed him to the doctor's cabin. They were going to wait outside but Gansey suggested they all be there with him. The doctor, Martha as her name plate read, gave them a small smile as they went inside.

"Hello. I'm Martha Ryan."

"Hello ma'am, I'm Richard Gansey. And these are Ronan Lynch, Blue sargent and Henry Cheng. We're Adam Parrish's family", Gansey said sincerely. Behind him, Ronan, Blue and Henry gave each other fond looks and squeezed hands.

"Oh yes. We've been expecting you from the States from what I gather from Mr. Parrish's emergency contact." Gansey nodded.

"How is he?"

"We have the reports from the tests and weirdly enough, everything is pretty normal. Like A to Z, everything. Nothing seems out of line or suspicious. There are slight chances that he might be in a coma but his brain activity is mostly normal."

"That's bizarre." Dr. Ryan nodded.

"Mr. Gansey, it appears that Mr. Parrish had simply fallen asleep out of nowhere. It's weirdly abnormal."

Gansey immediately stiffened, so did the rest of them. Glendower had been in slumber too and they had found him dead at the end of their quest. Shivers ran down Ronan's spine.

"What do you suggest we do?"

"I'm afraid there's not much we can do. Time is all it's gonna take."

"Will he have to be in the hospital? Or can we take him home?" Gansey asked.

"Taking him might help as it is a familiar environment. Somebody from the hospital could come in for a checkup as required."

"If that suits."

"Absolutely."

"Thank you doctor."

She gave them all a smile before she called the front desk to make arrangements for Adam to be taken home tomorrow morning as it was already near midnight. Ronan refused to think and let his darkness take over.

"Can I see him?" He asked. Dr. Ryan nodded at him with a small smile.

"Of course. Niamh at the front desk will take you to his room."

"Thank you."

He gave them all a look before he slipped out. He didn't need to tell them that he wanted to see Adam alone. He asked Niamh for directions and she took him to Adam's room and left again. Ronan stood facing the door and took a breath before he entered the room, facing Adam Parrish. It had been twelve years.

Ronan felt like he was eighteen again, visiting Adam in the hospital when his filthy excuse of a father had made him deaf in the ear. However this Adam was different. A different, grown and matured version of Adam. Gone was the skinny, lanky boy with bony wrists. The Adam in front of Ronan had nice arms and elegant hands, not so bony wrists yet the same old constellation of freckles that once Ronan used to kiss.

Adam still was tall and lanky but evidently he ate and worked out. His hair was a mess as usual, dusty blonde the color of soil and grassy fields. His freckles hadn't disappeared at all. Ronan felt as if there were more of them now, dusted across his face, all sharp angles now softened and eye bags under his eyes. 

Ronan breathed shakily and sat down on a stool beside Adam's bed. He ran his finger along Adam's palm, feeling him after so long, too long. His hands were still chapped, not so bony yet the same shade of tan and freckles. It had been twelve years. Adam felt like a stranger now.

It was surprising how peaceful Adam looked, a king asleep. He looked more peaceful than Ronan had ever seen. There was no frown on his face, no eyebrows etched together in thought and no wrinkles of overthinking on his forehead. Adam looked at peace. It had been twelve years. As Ronan glanced around, he saw the monitor beside his table beep periodically, showing Adam's heart beating slowly and steadily. It was some reassurance but not quite. They still didn't have a lot of time.

"Adam", Ronan whispered into the air as tears cascaded down his cheeks and fell on Adam's palm. "Please wake up."

He laid his hand on top of Adam's and watched him, the steady rise and fall of his chest, the periodic beep of the monitor, the cold of Adam's skin. He didn't know how long he stayed like that, just watching Adam sleep. He was wide awake even if exhaustion prickled at his skin and bones but he couldn't sleep. He didn't dare to close his eyes for Adam might just disappear.

The window was half open, city lights twinkling outside in shades of yellows and whites. The sky was painted a deep black, the color of ink and silver stars twinkled in it. Everything in Ronan ached at everything that had happened, the suddenness of it all, being thrown into Adam's orbit out of nowhere, uttering Adam's name after so long. It had been twelve years.

It had been a month.

After everything, after Noah's disappearance, Aurora's death and memorial service, after things had seemingly gone to normal.

Declan had decided to stay at the Barns and Matthew had gone back to Boston because of school. Adam came by almost every day after work to hang out. Hanging out in the loose sense meant he was just quiet, walking around like a ghost around the house. He sat with his assignments in hand, made small talk with Declan and entertained Opal. He talked to Ronan whenever absolutely necessary and always stayed far away. Adam hadn't spilled one tear, not once.

It was hurtful how his eyes landed on Ronan's neck first then met Ronan's eyes and the way he would look away, shoulders shaking. It had been a month. Ronan had cried and yelled and fought with Declan. Declan who fought back but held Ronan when he cried, when he told Declan he missed their mom and Declan had agreed. When he told Declan he was losing Adam, Declan had huffed in disagreement.

Today wasn't anything different. Ronan and Declan had spent the whole day clearing out some of the Barns of useless stuff and cleaned them for storage while Opal dicked around with Chainsaw. Adam had driven in around noon after finishing weekend homework with Gansey at Monmouth while Blue and Henry had gone out with Maura for something. Adam had done more homework, which Ronan suspected that was a blatant show of pretentious bullshit so he wouldn't have to necessarily communicate with anybody.

Declan shot Ronan another one of his cursory 'Is your boyfriend okay?' glances as he made lunch, all while staring at Adam who was sitting beside Opal on the backyard porch. She was babbling as usual, Adam nodded and humming along, face cast in stone. Ronan chopped more vegetables as he watched Adam, the lawns endlessly stretching behind him. 

Adam got up after a while, leaving Opal staring at him from behind as he walked off and upstairs without a single word. Opal walked inside and stood on one of the chairs, demanding.

"What's happening to my Atom?" She asked. Declan let out a small laugh.

"How the fuck will I know?" Ronan snapped. She kicked his forearm.

"You're not talking with him, Kerah."

"She's not wrong, you know?" Declan added. 

"Oh", Ronan said dumbly. He blinked.

"Go", they both said. 

Ronan hummed, washed his hands and walked upstairs. He found Adam sitting in Opal's bedroom, by the window, knees drawn to his chest as he blankly stared outside. Ronan quietly knelt beside him.

"Adam?"

Adam flinched and blinked at him. He stood up to walk away but Ronan was tired now, of the distance between them increasing, of Adam hurting, of him losing pieces of Adam. He pulled Adam down into his arms. Adam froze. 

"I'm losing you, Adam and I don't know what to do to stop it."

Adam's whole body sagged, seemingly melting into Ronan's arms, making space between them as if Ronan could ever be short of space to hold Adam Parrish. 

"You can't unbreak me, Dreamer. You can't unbreak me", Adam replied shakily, hands slowly snaking around Ronan's waist. 

"I can try, we can try", Ronan whispered.

Pieces of Ronan started to fall in the right crevices of his heart. Ronan held him tightly and Adam breathed before Ronan heard him break, whimpered sobs filling and breaking the silence of the room. Ronan's heart cracked at every sound, every tear and every whimper that left Adam's body.

"Easy there. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here."

"How can you be?" Adam asked, defensive. "After everything I did? After I hurt you? I wanted to be the last person who hurt you and-" Adam broke off, crying.

"Fuck that, Parrish. I'm not gonna tell you again and again that it was the fucking demon that possessed you. We already know you don't remember anything."

"Those were my hands around your neck."

"The same ones are holding me right now, aren't they?"

Ronan didn't let him pull away.

"Let me be there for you, Adam. I can't afford to lose you too."

Ronan blinked at Adam's sleeping form. The rise and fall of his chest, his blue eyes hidden from view, the veins jutting out from his palms. The beeping of the monitor, the coldness of the room, the sound of Adam's breathing. Ronan couldn't breathe.

"I can't afford to lose you too", he whispered into the quiet of the room.

Chapter Text

Ronan woke up beside Adam's bed, watching Adam's sleeping form in front of him. Everything was the same as it was from the previous night, not a hair out of place. When he looked around, the rest of the three were asleep as well. Henry was dozing on a chair while Blue and Gansey (Ronan was mildly surprised that he was asleep) took the second bed that was there in the room. Ronan rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms.

"Ronan. You won't lose me, I promise", Adam murmured.

"It feels like I am."

"You're not. You're not. I'm just scared I'll hurt you again", Adam mumbled. "I cannot let myself hurt you again."

"You won't. I know for a fucking fact that in your rightest mind you won't even think about hurting me." Adam nodded. "You're human, Parrish. I don't blame you for being afraid. But that doesn't mean you push me away. You're hurting me as much as you're hurting yourself, you know?"

"I'm-" Adam mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"Adam. Take your time and space because I'm not going anywhere. Just-" Ronan took a breath. "Just don't not let me in. I promised to be with you through the good and the bad."

"Me too", Adam said. "I'll try to be better."

"That's all I'm asking. Just because I have Declan to lean on doesn't mean I don't need you."

Adam nodded. Ronan kissed his hair gently. He swiped his thumbs across Adam's cheeks, wiping his tears away after Adam pulled back. Adam sat in front of him, knees drawn to his chest, hands around them. Adam closed his eyes at Ronan's touch, exhaling loudly.

Ronan swiftly slid his hands under Adam's back and under his knees and picked him bridal style. Adam let out a sound of surprise, clutching Ronan's tee-shirt.

"What are you doing, Lynch? Put me down", Adam muttered. Ronan instantly recognised how his tone had changed. It felt more like Adam's now. The low rasp and the edge of cheerfulness to his voice.

"You need sleep and food. You look like a fucking zombie. There's time for lunch so I'm putting your ass to bed till then."

"I'm not sleepy", Adam grumbled.

"The bags under your eyes beg to differ", Ronan stated as he pushed the bedroom door, their bedroom door open with his foot. 

Adam tensed as he looked around because well, he hadn't been sleeping here for the past few weeks. Ronan put Adam down on his side of the bed, caressing his hair, its tips wet because of Adam's sweat and tears. Adam blinked at him through teary eyes. Adam lay a careful hand on his bruised neck and breathed slowly, his eyelids fluttering close. Ronan's heart throbbed at Adam's touch.

"una die, amor meus erit", he whispered. One day, this love will be mine too. 

"Such a fucking nerd, Parrish", Ronan muttered through his blush.

"Yet you like me", Adam swiftly said, a chuckle following it. I love you , Ronan wanted to correct him.

Ronan kissed him gently and Adam kissed him back. They pulled away, a blush set on Adam's face too.

"Damn right, I do. Go to sleep now." Adam hummed.

"Goodnight."

He let go of Adam's hand and got up, the whole of his body aching. He had a couple of messages from Declan and Maura both when he checked his phone but he was in mood to reply. It was nine thirty as he saw on his phone. He drank a sip of water as he heard shuffling behind him. Some part of him thought it was Adam before he heard Henry speak.

"Morning", he said sleepily. Ronan grunted. "Time to take Parrish home."

Home . Ronan wanted to laugh. He wondered where Adam's home was. He knew where it had been. He just didn't know about it. It had been twelve years.

Ronan went out to get fresh air and went back with coffee and cookies. The receptionist said a cheerful good morning to which Ronan just nodded with a small smile. There was no fight left in him, no anger to be expressed, just worry clawing at his flesh and bones.

All three of them were awake and staring at Adam with sleepy gazes when Ronan walked in. He sat down on the bed beside Blue and Gansey and kept the tray of breakfast on the table and Henry slid closer.

"Thanks man", he said, taking a cup of coffee and sliding back to his place beside Adam. Ronan could hear him murmuring to Adam and he didn't have the heart in him to take efforts to ask or pay attention. It felt like he was starting to lose Adam. Again.

"Patrick was here last night", Gansey said.

"Who's that?" Ronan asked, confused.

"His boyfriend", Gansey said at the same time Blue said "ex-boyfriend."

Ronan stared at both of them, mouth open in shock.

"What the fuck? He has a fucking boyfriend?"

"Ex-boyfriend. They broke up last week", Blue explained. "And don't be pissed about the fact that Adam was with somebody who's not you. Did you expect him to wait for you? He waited for a long time before he even made efforts to move on or whatever", she added, glaring at Ronan. Gansey sighed, Henry shrugged awkwardly at Blue, who herself wilted after a moment while Ronan glared back but said nothing.

By noon, they had finished all the paperwork and paid bills and Ronan had gotten into the ambulance along with Henry while Gansey and Blue took a cab to buy groceries and meet them back home. Ronan and Henry let the hospital staff do their work as they carried Adam and the hospital equipment, setting it up in his room.

"Please call at the hospital in case there is any emergency. Otherwise the doctor will be here for a routine checkup mornings and evenings", one of the staff members said. Henry got up, thanked them and locked the door after they left. He stood with his back against the door, eyes closed.

"This is so fucked up", Henry muttered. "Do you think he knew about this?"

"I don't know, man."

"He sounded very exhausted last time on call. Something about him being out of it."

Ronan blinked at him as Henry came and sat down beside. He quickly took out his phone and dialled 300 Fox Way. 

"300 Fox Way", came Calla's voice.

"It's Ronan. I need to speak to Maura."

"She's doing something. Hold on for a few. How's Adam?"

"Apparently in a coma. All the test results are highly normal and there's nothing wrong with him physically."

"We knew that. Any further response?"

"None."

Calla sighed. "Here's Maura."

"Hello?" Came Maura's voice now.

"Did Parrish know about this ley line ordeal?" Ronan asked.

"Obviously yes."

"What the fuck Maura?" Ronan snapped.

"Why are you even surprised? All the psychics know about the cycle. So of course he knew. He knew when it happened last time and he knew about this time as well."

"So why didn't he fucking come back then?" Ronan asked, tears pricking at his eyes.

"Did he have any reason to come back home? Or come back to what was once home?" Maura calmly asked.

"He should at least care about his fucking life", Ronan yelled. Beside him, Henry startled. "Has he not learnt anything from the last time?"

"That is not my place to decide. When I asked him, he said he won't be coming back since the line doesn't need him anymore. Which was and still is untrue for obvious reasons. I tried to unsuccessfully convince him, Ronan."

"He's such a fucking asshole."

Maura sighed. "You have less than a week to figure out a way to bring Adam home. Physically and emotionally."

"I know."

Ronan hung up, rubbing his eyes that now burnt. Henry shifted close and put an arm around his shoulder. Ronan's composure broke, tears cascading down his cheeks as Henry sat beside him, hugging him close.

"Ronan-" Henry mumbled.

"He's-" Ronan said between tears. "I'm losing him again, Henry."

"You're not. We'll figure something out, yeah? We won't give up that easily."

Ronan merely hummed, hugging Henry close while Henry patted his back. He felt more arms wrap around him and some ugly, hopeful part of him thought it was Adam but it was only Gansey.

"We're not giving up on our magician that easily", Gansey murmured.

"Fuck yeah", both Blue and Henry agreed. Ronan simply nodded, his words stuck in his throat.

Ronan pulled away, rubbing his eyes and cheeks as he filled his lungs with air. His mind couldn't think of a way or two or a million that could even bring Adam back. He was simply helpless. He got up and walked towards Adam's bedroom. He took a breath, hand on a doorknob before he turned it and pushed the door open.

Adam lay there, quiet, unmoving and breathing on his bed, hands crossed on his chest and the monitor beeping continuously, a welcome sign that Adam was well, alive. But for how long?

Ronan looked around his bedroom. It was largely cluttered, but neatly if that was even a thing. Butter yellow walls against old wooden furniture that Ronan knew was thrifted (courtesy of Henry updating him on Adam's life). It had a balcony attached to it, whose doors were closed and curtains too but Ronan could see pots of plants outside.

In front of Adam's desk was a huge soft board nailed to the wall. Ronan peered closer, hoping to find traces of him somewhere. The most he could find was a heart shaped rock that he had found in Cabeswater when they had been there for a stroll. It was a paperweight under which there was a stack of papers, probably documents. 

The soft board was thoroughly crowded with stuff pinned to it. A piece of a printed scarf, polaroid photos of buildings and older photos of Adam throughout the years, with people Ronan knew and didn't. Each of them captioned in Adam's handwriting, with Henry at Monmouth, with Blue and Gansey at the Supermarket, with Maura, Calla and Jimi at 300 Fox Way, with some guy named Fred at classes. The last one broke Ronan all the way again.

With Opal at the Barns home .

Ronan glided his fingers along the old photo, its edges frayed and tattered. It had been a good day after a bad night at the Barns as Ronan had dreamt about the demon's hands again. Adam had held him through the night, his words of reassurance heavy on Ronan's ear, feather light on his heart.

The morning had seen Adam take over Ronan's chores as Ronan was tired and grumpy. He had fed the hens, gotten the cows out and cleaned up in the house. The picture was of Adam and Opal sitting on the backyard porch as Adam was teaching her how to braid flowers together. Ronan had tiptoed and grabbed the camera and sneakily taken the picture and later dropped it in Adam's bag. 

Ronan's eyes shot open, his body paralysed and frozen in place and Adam's worried face hovering over him, his forehead crowded with wrinkles and a deep frown etched on his face. 

Adam's eyes met his and Adam began to pull away, sensing that Ronan's nightmare had been him again. The demon, Adam. the demon, Adam. The demon, the demon, the demon. How could it ever be Adam? Even if it was difficult, Ronan managed to stretch his hand out and catch Adam's. Adam froze in place, silence blanketing itself over the room.

"Don't go, Adam. Please", Ronan mumbled.

"I'm not going anywhere.", Adam whispered.

Ronan pulled him closer and Adam lied down beside him again. Ronan shifted towards him and cocooned himself between Adam's arms, head on Adam's chest and Adam's arms gently stroking his back.

"Breathe, Ronan", Adam whispered, his hand running up and down Ronan's back. Ronan breathed, paying attention to Adam's breathing as he did. "Do you want anything?"

Ronan shook his head. He just snaked his arm around Adam's waist and pulled him closer. Even in this moment of panic, his heart fluttered when a small chuckle escaped Adam's lips.

"Just this", he mumbled into Adam's chest. "Just this is enough."

"Okay."

"Go to sleep."

"Don't tell me what to do", Adam retorted, fingers grazing the base of Ronan's skull, absentmindedly tracing his tattoo. "I'm fine."

"You're knuckles are literally bruised and bandaged, shut the fuck up."

"Doesn't matter."

"What if you had broken your hands or something?"

"It would've healed. I can't heal memories, Ronan."

"You can always replace them with newer, better ones."

"Smartass", Adam muttered affectionately. "Good try."

"I'm serious, Parrish."

"There are bruises on your neck in the shape of my hands."

"Those will disappear after a few weeks just like the ones on your hands. Your argument is invalid. Shut up."

"Ronan-" Adam began and Ronan pulled away. He cupped Adam's face with his hands.

"Listen here, you fucking idiot. Your hands are gonna be fine and so will be my neck. Focus on getting into Harvard and nerding at Aglionby instead of thinking about my neck."

"I can't stop. Everytime I look at you I can't-" Adam bit his lip, a stray tear falling down from his eye on the pillow.

"It's not easy. For you and me both, yeah?" Adam nodded. "But I'm still here, with you. And you are, with me. It's enough. It's more than enough."

"Yeah okay."

"And I'm very deeply, grossly, annoyingly in love with you, Parrish. Okay?" Adam blushed furiously, shoving Ronan's face away. 

I love you's hadn't been shared up until this moment between them but Ronan knew there was never a right time.

"How can you?" Adam asked, another set of tears dropping from his eyes. "After everything? I'm not worthy of-" Adam looked away. Ronan glared at him.

"Bullshit. You, Adam Parrish, dumb fucking idiot are so worthy of love that I cannot even begin to tell you. I'm sorry your filthy excuse of parents made you think so but Adam, you're so worthy of love. Don't let anything or anybody else tell you otherwise."

"After everything I've done-"

"Yes, idiot. After everything you've done. After everything you've done, I still love you and I will continue to do so. Who's gonna stop me? No-fucking-one."

"What if I can't? Would you even want to be here if I can't give it back?" Adam asked, voice a tone higher. Grief, anger, defense. His walls were building themselves back up. Ronan knew how to break them anyway.

"I don't care."

"You should care."

"You should shut up now."

"Ronan,", Adam chided.

"Listen, Parrish. Even if you don't love me or whatever the fuck, that doesn't mean I'm gonna dump your ass and go away. I want to be with you for a long time, okay? I want us for a long time."

"Me too", Adam said between tears.

"I can't be with anybody else who's not you. I hope you know that."

"I know. Are you-"

"Still in love with you? Yes", Ronan quipped back, grinning. Adam blushed again. Ronan pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "Enough reassurance?"

"Damn Ronan, that's gay", Adam mumbled after they pulled away and broke into laughter. Ronan narrowed his eyes at him, his heart fluttering at the sound of Adam's laughter.

"You're such an asshole."

"Yeah yeah, whatever."

Ronan wiped Adam's cheeks with his thumbs after he had stopped laughing like an idiot. Adam's face morphed into a sleepy little smile. Ronan kissed his forehead before he turned around, his back facing Adam. After a moment, Adam's hand snaked around his waist, his skin leaving a trail of wildfires on Ronan's skin. Adam gently pulled him close. 

"Tamquam", Ronan whispered as he covered Adam's hand with his own.

"Alter idem", Adam whispered into his ear. 

It had been twelve years. 

"Tamquam."

Chapter Text

Ronan had barely eaten the dinner, instead opting to stay beside Adam in case anything happened. It had been almost four days now, worry seeping into every single fiber of Ronan as time passed. He had been awake till almost morning, sitting on the floor beside Adam's bed, watching him as if his stare would wake Ronan up. The monitor beeped, time passed, Adam breathed. Ronan eventually passed out and slept, to be woken up by Gansey in the morning. Ronan got up, yawning as Gansey stood waiting.

"You should sleep. And not sit here watching Adam", Gansey said.

"Don't tell me what to do."

"Ronan-"

"Dick, don't", Ronan snapped. Gansey sighed.

"Declan called urgently for something. Call him back please."

Ronan nodded and got his phone, gave Adam a look before he stepped out of the room. Gansey took a seat on Adam's desk chair, glancing through books and papers. Ronan went out and dialled Declan's number.

"What happened?" Ronan asked as Declan picked up.

"Everything is fine over here."

"Dick said that it was urgent."

"Yes. Kind of. How's Adam?"

"Breathing."

"Okay. I'm gonna suggest something that will sound insane but it might work."

Ronan was suddenly more awake.

"What is it?"

"What did the doctor say when you met them?"

"Adam has apparently gone into a deep sleep."

"Ronan?" Declan said, the tone of his voice changing. "He's asleep."

"I fucking know."

"Oh god, you idiot. What do people do when they're asleep?"

"They-" and it clicked. "Fuck. People dream when they're asleep."

"Thank you", Declan half-yelled, chuckling.

"Dec, you fucking genius", Ronan yelled back.

"Point in case, I'm not sure how ideal it would be for you to dream. Maura will know better. But if it's safe then it might just be worth a try? We don't know what's happening to Adam but if he's asleep, he might as well be dreaming."

"Fuck", Ronan swore. "What do I do?"

"Do you feel the leyline there?"

"I don't know. I haven't dreamed. And Parrish was always better at feeling its presence."

"Okay, okay. Here's what. Hang up. Call 300 Fox Way and talk to the ladies. And then-" Declan sighed. "Then you dream and hopefully find Adam."

"Okay", Ronan whispered. He took a deep breath. "You're a genius, Dec."

"Well, somebody had to be", he teased. Ronan rolled his eyes.

"Fuck off."

"Ronan. Be safe, okay? Don't do anything stupid, okay?"

"It's a little late for that, don't you think?"

"Ronan", Declan mumbled, his voice laced with worry at its edges. "Please."

"I won't. I promise I won't."

"Good. Keep me updated."

Ronan hummed and hung up the phone. He immediately dialled 300 Fox Way.

"300 Fox Way, Maura Sargent speaking", came Maura's voice.

"Will I be able to dream here?" Ronan asked. 

"Hello Ronan. I think you might be. The energy is different so we don't know to what extent you might be able to. But beware that if you end up drawing too much energy, you'll draw Adam's too. However, if the leyline there is strong enough, it won't be a problem."

"Fuck. But I need to dream."

"Why?"

"Because Adam's asleep. What if he's dreaming?" Ronan asked. Maura let out a sound that sounded like a laugh.

"Of course. Of course that's a possibility. But he's gone too far and you've to bring him back. There's no bringing him back if he doesn't want to."

Ronan sighed. "I know. I'm gonna try."

"Good luck, dreamer."

"Thank you, witch", Ronan said. Maura simply laughed before she hung up.

He paced to Adam's room where Adam was still asleep. You asshole, I'm gonna find you in my dreams and then yell at you for being so fucking stupid , Ronan thought as he stared at Adam's sleeping form. Gansey was sitting on Adam's desk, flipping through pages of some book.

"Dick."

Gansey looked up. "Yes?"

"I'm gonna have to dream."

Gansey tensed, closing the book and getting up. Wrinkles had already appeared on his forehead.

"Why?"

"Because Adam is asleep so he might as well be fucking dreaming. I'm gonna try to find him there."

Gansey's eyes lit up immediately. "Of course. Of course he might be dreaming."

"I'm not very sure. I'm gonna try anyway. Just need to be careful."

"Careful?"

"If I draw too much energy, I'll end up drawing Adam's as well."

Gansey flinched. Ronan nodded grimly. He lightly punched Gansey's shoulder. Gansey's eyes met his.

"You better hope that fucker is dreaming."

Ronan had spent the day alone except for the company of Opal and Chainsaw. He had cleaned up the house, filling up trash bags with stuff he wouldn't need anymore. He had found keys to the other barns and unlocked them, slightly nervous. He had ended up finding nothing in them except for a few dream objects that probably belonged to his father. He threw all of them away. The barn animals were still asleep and Ronan still wanted to wake them up. 

He cleaned the house, the barns and cut off weeds and grasses from the front lawn. He made spaghetti for lunch while Opal still chewed on tree branches. He hadn't seen Adam in two days as school had consumed him along with his job at Boyd's. Ronan missed him. Two days felt like a lot. They really did. 

He finished work and by late noon, drove towards Monmouth with Opal and Chainsaw in the backseat. He stopped by 300 Fox Way first and beeped the horn. Blue's head appeared in one of the windows and she waved. Opal and Chainsaw both ran inside the house, probably to play in the lawn or chat with the witches. The rest of them met on weekends at Monmouth to do homework and then watch a movie or play Uno or simply go for a walk somewhere or to Nino's.

"Get your ass out Sargent, we've to go", Ronan yelled.

"Coming, asshole", Blue yelled back and disappeared. 

She reappeared through the front door, looking like a Vivienne Westwood nightmare with her neon leggings and denim overalls and neon tee-shirts. Her hair was unkempt as usual, held by a million pins. She got inside the car and fist bumped Ronan. Ronan couldn't help but grin. She then proceeded to flick him in the forehead as he played the Murder Squash song. They drove the rest of the way jamming to old music.

Ronan parked the BMW beside Henry's Chevrolet and they both walked upstairs to find Henry and Gansey on the floor surrounded by books and stationery. Blue joined them while Ronan simply disappeared into his bedroom and plopped on the bed. He found his headphones and plugged them in and played his usual loud EDM music. He closed his eyes and lay down. It was some semblance of his life before it went to shit.

He felt the door open and shut again with a gentle click, not thinking twice about who it was and opened his eyes to see Adam. Adam stood leaning against the door, his backpack hung on his shoulder. He wore jeans and a loose white shirt, upper buttons opened that gave a peek of the freckles on his chest. Ronan sat up in bed, keeping his headphones away.

"Hey."

"Hey loser. Come here."

Adam dropped his backpack and walked over, sitting on the edge of Ronan's bed. Ronan gently pulled him closer, prompting Adam to lay down, back facing Ronan and head on Ronan's arm.

"Missed your ugly face, Parrish."

Adam huffed. Ronan hooked his chin on Adam's shoulder while Adam's fingers played with Ronan's.

"I missed your bald head too."

Ronan glared at him. Adam simply turned over and smiled at him.

"I missed you", Adam mumbled. "I don't care if it was two days. It's hard without you", he added.

Ronan slowly snaked at arm around his waist and under his shirt, hand splayed on the small of Adam's back. He pulled Adam closer.

"Same. How's your hands?"

"Better. Writing is still a bit painful. Boyd gave me the next week off. Paid."

"Good. Don't over exert yourself."

Adam rolled his eyes.

"Asshole. I'm being serious."

"I know. I will."

"Come stay at the Barns next week."

Adam stared at him. "Ronan-"

"Parrish, I know you're too stubborn to give in and move in. So just for the week, come and stay. And then if you wanna stay forever, then move in permanently. And I won't be alone."

"Oh Ronan", Adam whispered. "It's- it's not easy alone. It's just scary now. What if he shows up again-" Adam broke off. Ronan tensed as he watched Adam close his eyes and breathe.

"Adam. Easy." 

"I'll move in", Adam whispered. "It won't be scary. And I'll be closer to you that way."

"Good. Move in. I hate missing you."

Adam let out a small laugh.

"If I could, I'd dream of some place for you where nobody could hurt you."

Adam laughed again.

"Careful Lynch, people might think you like me."

"No, I just like your pretty face."

This time, Adam blushed.

"Shut up."

Ronan laughed and kissed his forehead. He heard Adam exhale. 

"Dream me the world then. A world for me and you."

Ronan closed his eyes and began to dream.

The dreamscape was different from home as Ronan observed after he opened his eyes. He was lying on a lawn of grass and it smelled like the sea. The sun was an orange orb, drowning in the sea, lighting it on fire and throwing orange and yellow sun rays around. The breeze was cool, tingling Ronan's cheeks and so was the grass, tickling his ears as he lay down. He sat up, the sound of waves crashing hitting his ears. 

He got up, brushing soil off his jeans and taking a breath. It smelled of the saline sea and the earthy soil and fresh grass. Ronan felt alive. Behind him was nothing but stretches of lawn and beyond it, a thicket of trees. A forest of sorts that Ronan didn't want to predicate what it did. But something in his chest said he had to walk through the trees to find his answers. To find what he had been looking for all along. To find him. He dared and walked towards the trees, the grass cool under his bare feet and the sun rays warm on his neck.

It was calm, cool and serene and the trees rustled gently with the wind. There were no words, no broken phrases, just noise. He walked through, eyes and ears alert and keeping out for any signs of danger. He could see light at the end of the path, a soft glow that almost felt like home. He walked towards it.

He didn't expect to step into the backyard of the Barns, the house washed in sunset colors in front of him. This wasn't the Barns of today. Ronan's eyes snapped to the table and bench. Ronan remembered that wooden bench and table. He had made those himself that fine morning, chopping, hammering and nailing wood and Opal had painted it a disgusting bright yellow. Ronan loved it. The trees around it had fairy lights hung on them, soft yellow light glowing from them like fireflies. 

On the bench, sat Adam Parrish.

Ronan hadn't seen Adam since the weekend. Today was Thursday. Gansey had informed him that he had schoolwork and finals coming up and Adam being Adam, didn't take a leave from Boyd's either. Ronan had stopped by St. Agnes but Adam had been absent and Ronan didn't want to drive to Monmouth or 300 Fox Way because he had work that needed to be done on the Barns.

He was fixing one of the dream clocks in the living when the door opened and a huge bouquet of sunflowers appeared, Adam's legs being the only thing visible. Adam tilted his head to look at Ronan. Ronan blinked at him, confused as he kept the clock away and took the bouquet from Adam's hands. Adam sighed, wiping his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt.

"What the fuck is this?" He asked, keeping the bouquet on the table.

"Henry gave it to me", Adam explained, brushing off leaves and dirt from his shirt. It looked crisp and new to some extent. Ronan raised an eyebrow at him. "It's my birthday today", Adam added in a whisper.

"What?" Ronan yelled in surprise. Adam startled, blinking at him. "I'm sorry. But what the fuck Parrish?" Ronan blinked at him. Adam nodded.

"Yeah. July third."

Ronan pulled him for a tight hug. Adam let out a small laugh and nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

"You dumbass. You didn't even tell me."

"Sorry. I just didn't know-" Adam broke away, lost for words. "Yeah."

"Happy Nineteen, motherfucker."

"Thanks, Ro."

"I cannot fucking believe my boyfriend didn't tell me when his birthday was", he grumbled.

"To be fair, nobody knew. Except Henry but Henry knows everything."

"Shut the fuck up. We need to do something for your birthday, Parrish."

"I don't really care."

"But I care. It can just be you and me if having everybody around overwhelms you, okay?"

"Okay. Nothing too much, okay?"

"I won't promise you that."

"Ronan, please."

"Fine. Just dinner, okay?"

"Okay."

Ronan pulled away and softly kissed Adam's lips, cupping his face.

"Happy birthday dumbass."

Adam smiled. Ronan would burn cities for that smile, elastic and amiable. He dropped his head on Ronan's chest, breathing as Ronan grazed his fingers along the blond curls at the base of Adam's neck.

"This will be a good birthday, won't it be?" He asked in a whisper. Ronan realised that this was probably the first time Adam's birthday had meant something. 

"Fuck, Adam. Obviously it will be. How could it not?"

"Okay."

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't have work, Boyd gave me the day off. I don't get how it's a big deal but okay. I just want to be here with you. Of course."

"What about cake?"

Adam shrugged. "I've never had a birthday cake. Not that I remember." Ronan wanted to cry.

"We'll get a cake. Or ten." Adam chuckled.

"One is enough for all of us."

"Jesus Christ I fucking hate your family." Adam hummed lowly. "Do you have work?"

"Homework."

"You also look like a zombie. When did you sleep last night?"

"Four? Five am? Don't know."

"Idiot. Finish your homework and go straight to sleep. No bullshit."

"Okay. Okay."

Ronan kissed his forehead. He would goddamn make sure Adam had a good birthday. He walked upstairs with Adam to their bedroom and watched Adam settle down at his usual place on the desk, opening the windows. From the storage he picked up a large glass bottle. He filled it with water and dropped the sunflowers in them and placed it by the window. Adam smiled widely, fingers caressing the flower petals.

"Thank you."

"Always. Finish and sleep, okay?"

Adam nodded and got to work. Ronan kissed his cheek one last time, eliciting a chuckle out of Adam before he stepped out. He had a plan to execute.

Ronan's breath hitched in his throat. Adam's back was facing him. The broadness of his shoulders, the musculature of his arms, his messy crop of hair. Ronan wanted to cry.

"Adam?"

Chapter Text

Ronan let the word out, unspoken of in years into the air. Adam tensed, his shoulders squaring up in defense at hearing Ronan's voice. Ronan stood frozen as Adam got up and slowly turned around. The trees rustled, murmuring in their wake amongst each other.

Sochraide . Sorcerer.

Aislingeach . Dreamer.

Ronan closed his eyes, his breath held in his throat as he heard the leaves crunch as Adam walked and moved towards him, the voice growing louder and louder.

"What are you doing here?" 

Each word and syllable hit like a bullet to Ronan's ears. He didn't dare open his eyes as he felt his lips tremble and tears threatening to escape.

"Ronan." It had always been that. Ronan.

The world around Ronan shattered and dissolved into nothingness. Ronan's eyes shot open, Adam's figure a blurred vision in front, clouded by his tears. There was something entirely different yet still the same about Adam's appearance. The once messy but now comparatively less messy crop of his hair, the light stubble on his chin, the sapphire of his eyes and the millions and millions of freckles splattered across his face. Ronan rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palm. Adam's eyes met his for a moment and Ronan looked away quickly.

"Look at me Ronan."

Ronan's hands trembled, a shiver running his spine before he looked up at Adam. Adam's ocean eyes were a dark grey, a storm raging in them. Ronan drowned.

"Why are you here?"

"Why do you think I am?" Ronan croaked.

"I don't want you here. Leave."

"And let you die? Not a fucking chance Parrish."

Adam huffed. "Don't try to do things that aren't in your control, Ronan."

Ronan rolled his eyes. "Then stop dying", he mumbled. Adam sharply inhaled.

"You know I can't. You bloody know I can't."

"You can't or do you not want to?" Ronan snapped, staring at Adam. Adam flinched.

"You know, Ronan."

"No, I don't know Parrish. I don't know why the fuck are you over here acting fucking stupid and being the self-sacrificing asshole after twelve fucking years."

"I can't go back to Henrietta."

"Even at the sake of your life?"

"You want me to go back home. Henrietta isn't home anymore."

"Ireland isn't home either, Parrish", Ronan snapped. He knew it was the truth. Adam knew it was the truth.

"I'm trying for it to become one."

"You know damn well that it won't", Ronan replied, blunt and harsh and honest.

"Don't tell me about home when you left and took mine away. Don't tell me about home when you dumped me over the fucking phone. Don't tell me about home when you were a fucking coward and scared about losing me."

"I didn't believe in us then", Ronan said, matter of factly. "I wish I did. I wanted to."

"How does it matter anymore Ronan?"

"Because I lost my family, Parrish. Goddamn. I lost my dad, my mom and then, I almost Matthew." 

"And what about me? What about me losing the only family I had, Ronan? Do you ever think about that?" Adam snapped back, voice raised. Ronan flinched, taking a stumbling step back.

"I can't watch you die, Adam. I won't survive it", he whispered, each word feeling like a stab in his chest.

"It'll pass", Adam said.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Parrish", Ronan snapped, angry tears streaming down his cheeks. "Can you, for one fucking fleeting moment think about people around you, think about me even if you hate me and think that you won't die?"

Adam froze, staring at Ronan with wide eyes. His hand moved closer to Ronan's face but stopped short by a few inches.

"I don't hate you, Ronan. I don't know how to."

"Then learn to. I don't care. Do whatever you want but just don't die. I lost you from my life but I can't lose you from this world, Adam."

"Ronan-" Adam whispered, his voice cracking. Ronan took a step back, holding a hand up.

"Don't."

Ronan rubbed his eyes and cheeks. He sniffed and took a breath. Adam's eyes stay locked on his; unmoving, unyielding, unwavering. He took a step back, turning to leave. He could not force Adam, would never force Adam to do anything he didn't want to. And in the end if Adam died, Ronan would break and the world around him too, not to be un-broken again.

"Ronan, wait", Adam called for him. Ronan stopped. He took a breath when Adam's hand rested on his shoulder. "Don't go", Adam said. "Just yet", he added.

"Why? So you can keep fighting with me over how I broke us apart, broke you apart twelve years ago? Or the fact that I didn't believe in us then? Or that I'd lose you like everybody else in my life?"

"You have no idea what it was for me just the way I have no idea what it was for you."

"Why do you care now?"

"You know I never stopped caring. You don't know how many times I've been searching for you in empty houses and emptier hearts just to fail."

"You don't know how many times I've brought out your dead dream body from my head and your blood on my hands." Adam flinched, eyes watering up.

"You don't know how many times I've stayed awake in bed, all alone in my dorm room wishing you were here. Or the times I've dreamt of ending the life out of you with these hands", he said, shaking hands facing Ronan.

"You don't know how many times I've had to tell Opal that you're not coming back."

"You don't know how many times I've had to tell myself that you're not coming back."

Ronan closed his eyes, fresh tears streaming down them. Adam's fingers ghosted on his cheeks, wiping his tears away. Ronan opened his eyes. Adam's eyes were glassy, his cheeks wet and sweat beading on his forehead.

"It's not the same as it was twelve years ago."

"It's not."

"You've hurt me enough", Adam said. "I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want you to hurt me anymore."

"I'm trying, okay?" Ronan said angrily.

He looked away, staring at the grass that was swaying gently with the breeze. The sun hadn't moved, it remained frozen on the horizon and so did the sky, a colorful tapestry of watercolors.

"Time lays frozen", Adam said.

Ronan scoffed. "As if it's gonna help."

"Let's take a walk."

"I don't want to take a fucking walk."

"I've missed the Barns. It's been twelve years", Adam mumbled.

Ronan stared at him with teary eyes. Adam looked back at him. Ronan exhaled and Adam slowly slid his hand into Ronan's. Ronan's skin lit on fire at Adam's touch, like embers on wild grass as Adam's fingers wrapped themselves around Ronan's palm. Ronan sniffed and allowed himself to be pulled forward by Adam. 

They walked around the house, Adam looking out and about and gazing at the trees and grasses and what not, gravel crunching under their feet and the leaves rustling, trees murmuring around them.

In the parking lot of the Barns, stood the BMW. It was still the same, the shiny charcoal grey. Sleek. Shiny. Oil-like smooth. And beside it, stood Adam Parrish's motorcycle. Ronan remembered dreaming up the vehicle. Ronan had dreamt of the motorcycle with Adam's name stitched on the leather, engine running on wood, and a YES/NO switch that turned the bike on and off. Adam, who hated things handed to him, had surprisingly loved it. Maybe it was his shy affinity towards cars and bikes that was responsible for it and also possibly the fact that Ronan had dreamt it. For him.

Adam let go of his hand and walked towards the motorcycle, a slight bounce in his step which Ronan recognised only happened when Adam was particularly excited about something. Adam's hands grazed the vehicle, sliding over it. Remembering it. After all this years, it was still at the Barns, locked away in one of the barns that Ronan used for storage. Adam picked up the helmet, fingers gliding over the 03 etched on it.

Ronan paced the living room, waiting for the roar of the motorcycle engine to reach his ears. It was already noon and Adam had left very early in the morning. Opal had disappeared in the backyard, Chainsaw squawking behind her as she followed Opal in flight. Even in his current state of slight nervousness, Ronan was excited to have Adam home from Cambridge for a good couple of days. God bless Harvard University for having a management related emergency that had led to classes being cancelled for three days. 

He almost missed the roar of the motorcycle and the crunching of the gravel that echoed. Smiling to himself, he walked outside, pacing quickly as Adam's motorcycle stopped beside the BMW in the parking lot. Adam's blond hair was hidden under the helmet, his leather jacket zipped up and his bag on his shoulders. Adam met his eyes and Ronan's heart soared as he walked faster.

When he was closer, almost there, Adam swayed and began to fall down. Ronan's heart stuttered as he caught Adam.

"Parrish. Hey." Under his arms, Ronan realised that Adam was burning up with fever and noticed that his cheeks were flushed red.

"Hi Ro", Adam mumbled, smiling weakly.

"What the fuck? You're burning up with fever. How the fuck did you drive?"

"Had to see you at all costs. Couldn't miss it", Adam slurred, about to pass out. Ronan held him up, arm slung around his waist and Adam's arm around his shoulder.

"Jesus Christ, you sappy motherfucker. Let's get you inside. I don't want another dead person here."

"It's not funny Ro", Adam said, irritated. Ronan laughed.

"My house. My rules." It was their house, Adam knew.

"Shut up."

"Come on patient zero, let's get you home."

Adam hummed. He did manage to walk till the house without falling or passing out, just stumbled a bit. Ronan made him sit on the couch, dumping his bags by the door and got him water and ibuprofen. It was funny how both of them were shit at taking care of themselves. Maybe that's why they worked together so well, since they took care of each other so well.

Adam took the medicine and the water, drinking it in one large sip. He sighed, massaging his temple. Ronan sat down beside him, an arm thrown around his shoulder. Adam leaned into his touch, scooting closer. He gave Ronan a small smile.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry now?" Ronan asked, frowning.

"I'm sick. I'm here and we're supposed to have fun and go out and instead I'm gonna be in bed with a fever and a sore throat."

"First of all, stop rambling. Secondly, you're sick because this is your body telling you to chill out, Parrish."

"Ro-"

"No. Shut up. Let's get you changed and into bed."

"So eager to see me naked and on your bed?" Adam teased. 

Ronan rolled his eyes. "I don't think it's gonna be the first time I see you naked and in our bed, Parrish", Ronan replied, emphasising on the our . Adam blushed, the red of his cheeks darkening. He hid his face in Ronan's neck. Ronan laughed, arms snaking around his waist.

"You", Adam whispered into his neck. "You smell like home."

Ronan pulled him closer. "I missed you, Adam. It's so hard without you here", he said, voice cracking. Adam hummed.

"I know. It's hard without you too. But I'm here now."

"I'm so glad."

"But I'm also hungry."

Ronan chuckled. "Go freshen up. I'll order pizza and get the runt back inside."

"Where is she? And Chainsaw?"

"Out and about as usual. Come on, let's go upstairs."

Adam nodded and walked upstairs, Ronan walking behind him with his bags. Adam got rid of his leather jacket and shirt, sitting shirtless on their bed. Ronan handed him one of his tee-shirts from the wardrobe. Adam pulled him closer and kissed him, slow and soft and his emotions poured out, words seeming unnecessary.

"Hi", Ronan said after they broke apart.

"Hi."

"Tamquam."

"Alter idem."

It was enough. 

Ronan tucked him into bed and closed the curtains and gave Adam a kiss on his burning forehead before he went downstairs. He found Opal and Chainsaw hopping about in the backyard.

"Hey runt. Parrish is back home", Ronan told her. She grinned and ran towards him, Chainsaw on her tail.

"Is he? Is he? Is he?" She asked, yelling. Ronan smiled.

"Yeah he is. He's just sick with a fever so he's asleep. Don't wake him up."

"Yes kerah."

"I'm ordering pizza. You want garlic bread?"

"And Coca-Cola", she yelled. Chainsaw squawked.

"Stop yelling. Parrish might wake up."

She instantly clamped her fist to her mouth. "Sorry", she said, voice muffled. Ronan patted her beanie covered hair.

They ate pizza in their bedroom with Adam leaning into Ronan as Opal rambled at Adam.

"I miss this old thing", Adam said, leaning against the motorcycle. "Do you still have it?" Ronan scoffed.

"What do you think?" Ronan asked defiantly. Adam blinked at him in surprise.

"You do."

"Yeah Parrish. Just because we broke up doesn't mean I threw your shit out and erased you from my life."

"You tried to", Adam stated. Ronan shrugged.

"And look where it got me."

Adam hummed. "Does it still work?"

"I don't know. I didn't drive it after."

Adam's eyes widened at that. He nodded and looked beyond.

"Did you like the house?"

"It's alright."

"Only alright?" Adam asked, curious.

"I like ours-" Adam's eyes widened as Ronan realized the implications of his own words. "Mine better", he finished.  He felt his ears turn red.

"I can't compete with that", Adam said, followed by a sad laugh. Ronan hummed. 

"It's alright. It's very you. All neat and clean with your nerdy books and plants. It suits you."

"I guess", Adam shrugged and looked away.

They fell into awkward silence and kept walking around the house under the shade of the trees and the cool grass under their feet.

"What will it take, Parrish?" Ronan asked, suddenly jittery. "What will it take to make you want to come back-" home. "With us?"

"I don't know", Adam whispered.

"I get it that you don't want me here in your life and I'm perfectly fine with that. I have been perfectly fine with that fact for the past twelve years but I just can't let you die. Not when you're sleeping beside me in your fucking room."

"You can just take me to Henrietta."

"That's not going to help and you fucking know."

"I don't know what I want."

"Or maybe you're just too scared to want it."

Adam shot him a look, his blue eyes piercing Ronan's. He lay down on the grass and looked up at the sky. Ronan sat beside him, knees drawn to his chest. Adam sighed.

"Did you fall in love again?"

Ronan scoffed, his chest aching at Adam's question. "Are you trying to hurt me, Parrish?"

"Of course not. I've hurt you enough", Adam said. "I don't know anything about your life. I always wanted to. You don't have to tell me."

"The answer to your question is no. Had a boyfriend a few years ago. But we wanted different things."

"Was he nice?" Adam asked, curious. Ronan rolled his eyes.

"He was fine. We were good. He wanted to marry me and have kids and shit. I didn't."

"Why?"

"Really, Parrish? You're asking me this? You know me better than that."

"Do I, Ro?" Adam asked, the nickname casually slipping out.

Ronan glared at him.

"What about you? No husbands or wives or partners?" Adam let out a small laugh.

"No. I don't think I have the time to marry or whatever. I am never at a single place, always travelling for work. It's too much to think about, all at once."

"What about Patrick?"

"You know about Patrick?" Adam asked.

"Found out today. Quite a shocker." Adam huffed, leaning against the motorcycle.

"We were together for like a few months, met him at a pub a few weeks after I came back. But we broke up because I knew this would happen. I didn't want him to find out."

"You and fucking obsession with hiding yourself from the world", Ronan grumbled.

He thought about the loss of Adam's accent, the disappearance of his magic, the hidden truth of where he came from.

"They're the ugliest parts of me, Ronan", Adam snapped.

"They are the parts of you I loved the most", Ronan snapped. 

Adam's accent. Adam's apartment at St. Agnes. Adam's inherent ability to persevere in any situation.

"Oh", Adam said sheepishly.

The breeze blew gently, the leaves rustling with it. When Ronan looked up, the clouds began to move slowly and the colors of the sunset dissolved into a murky blue. The house was bathed in the sunset colors across its ivory with the trees casting shadows on it and windows reflecting bits of light from them.

"You need to wake up", Adam said.

"I can't", Ronan said. "Not when I don't know-"

Adam came closer and lightly touched his cheek. Ronan closed his eyes.

"Come back for me", Adam whispered. "I'll be here."

"Have I drawn your energy as well?" Ronan asked, nervous.

"No. The ley line weirdly recognises you and me. It's strong, I felt it ever since I stepped foot here."

"Okay", Ronan mumbled. "What do I do to make you stay?"

"What are you supposed to do to make me stay?" Adam asked.

Ronan didn't know. Adam gave him a small smile, his fingers grazing his cheeks. He wiped away the stray tear that fell from Ronan's eye.

"I don't know", he mumbled, his voice cracking at every syllable.

"I think you know, Ro", Adam said. He sounded absurdly cheerful. "You'll know that you know."

"Adam-" Ronan whispered but stopped as Adam's fingers smoothened his brows. Adam leaned closer, his eyes bright and mouth turned up.

"Wake up, love."

Ronan woke up with a jolt, breathing heavily. He slapped his hand to his chest, rubbing it to calm his racing heart down. His gaze snapped towards Adam. He continued to be asleep, his breathing slow and even as the heart rate monitor beeped continuously. Ronan breathed.

"Fuck", he swore, followed by an exhale.

Multiple footsteps across the floorboards announced the presence of Henry and Blue. They immediately sat down in front of him with Henry handing him a bottle of water. Ronan downed it in one sip. He swiped his forehead with the sleeve of his hoodie and breathed.

"So?" Both Blue and Henry asked.

"He's dreaming."

Chapter Text

Ronan's head throbbed as Blue and Henry started yelling at his admission. Ronan glared at him, massaging his forehead. God, he needed an ibuprofen. Or alcohol. The former was the best and the ideal option even if Ronan thought it wasn't the most helpful. But in his right mind, he'd rather be sober and get Adam back than waste himself away drinking. And Ronan felt like he was rather not fond of drinking in general these days.

"Jesus fuck, can you shut up please?" Ronan grumbled and got up.

Blue and Henry went silent and gave him grim looks. His knees fumbled but somehow he got himself inside the bathroom. His face was paler than usual, dark bags darker than before because of the lack of sleep, abundance of dreaming. But there was no nightwash nor had he brought anything out. He sighed, looking grimly at his reflection. He dragged a hand across his face, sighing. Adam, Adam, Adam. He washed his face before he went out and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat down.

"Want something to eat?" Blue asked, appearing from the living room. "Gansey's gone to the hospital to sign some papers. We can order lunch till then."

"Cool."

"Is Adam-" Blue started but Ronan interrupted her.

"Not now, Sargent."

"Okay. Okay."

Her eyes met his. Ronan blinked at her, hoping she'd understand. She gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand. Ronan breathed, feeling her magical warmth. 

"I'll get you coffee. We all need it", Blue said with a laugh.

Ronan hummed, a small smile appearing on his face. When he walked out into the living room, Henry was scrolling through his phone. Ronan plopped on the couch, his head on Henry's lap. Henry chuckled at him.

"Hey baby, how are you?", he teased.

Ronan glared at him. "Shut the fuck up, Henry."

"Tired? Need sleep?" Henry said with a grin.

"Why do I put up with you?"

"Because you love me. Not as much as Adam but well-" Henry made a gesture of his hands. Ronan blushed furiously.

"That's it. You're getting thrown out of the house asshole."

"How's Adam?" Henry asked, straight to the point, ignoring him. Ronan breathed.

"Awake in his dreams at least." Henry's eyes lit up, a grin morphing on his face.

"Did you talk?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"He-" Ronan bit his lip. "He doesn't want to go back", he whispered. He saw the darkness flash across Henry's eyes. 

"Ronan. What-"

"Yeah. I talked to him but he isn't ready to."

"What now?" Henry asked in an almost whisper.

"I don't know. I'll obviously have to dream again. How many days do we have?"

"Three more, I think? But until tomorrow if we plan to take Adam back."

"That means-"

"One night", Henry finished.

"Fuck", Ronan swore softly. 

"Today's Thursday. The cycle will end on Sunday before the line stabilizes again. We need almost a whole twenty-four hours of travel from here to the Barns. We have until Friday or Saturday morning at most."

"Jesus Christ."

"When do you dream again?"

"Tonight, what else? Or tomorrow morning. How long was I out for?" Henry nodded and glanced at his watch.

"Almost three hours."

"Okay that's not a lot. I can manage it."

"What about the line?"

"I drain it but Adam said the line over here is powerful enough so I can dream without sucking up his energy."

"But that doesn't change the fact that we're running on an hourglass of time, right?"

"No", Ronan muttered. Henry sighed. "No, it doesn't."

They fell into silence. Ronan played with the rock pendant that hung around his neck. It was one of many rocks Opal and Adam had found that Blue had turned into a pendant with wire and tweezers. It was a blue crystal like geode with speckles of green and black. Blue appeared with a tray of mugs and sat down beside Henry.

"How's Adam?" She asked cautiously.

"Fine. I'm not repeating shit", he grumbled, more towards Henry.

"I'll tell you", Henry said as began to repeat what Ronan had told him. Ronan got up and picked up his mug of coffee, listening to Henry while Blue's eyes filled with tears.

"It's my fault, isn't it?" Ronan asked. Blue and Henry shared looks before they turned to look at him. "For all of this mess?"

"Ronan. What are you saying?" Henry asked.

"If I had never broken up with Parrish in the first place. None of this would've happened. We'd be all the Barns, being fine and shit."

"You don't know that", Blue said, voice cracking. Ronan snorted.

"I know that, Sargent."

"No you don't. Shut up, asshole."

"Pray do tell then", Ronan grumbled.

"Because you were stupid to not believe in yourself but not stupid enough to believe in you and Adam. I know that it was all that happened that summer that eventually took a toll on you like it did on Adam. Adam always told me it felt like he was losing you with every moment." Ronan's heart ached. "I laughed at him then, on our calls. He knew he was right, wasn't he?"

"Yeah", Ronan said dumbly, and closed his eyes.

"Would you believe in you now?" Henry asked. 

"Maybe", Ronan mumbled. He didn't need to open his eyes to see the stupid smile on their faces.

"Then maybe that's what is enough. For you, for Adam", Henry whispered. "You both did your best to move on. But look where we are at now."

"That doesn't mean shit", Ronan snapped. He didn't need to tell them all of the conversations he had with Adam in his dreams.

Gansey arrived a while later, their lunch coming in after that and they ate with Ronan irritatingly giving a repeat telecast of his dreams and conversations with Adam. Gansey mostly hummed and nodded, asking a few questions here and there. 

"So what now?" Gansey asked.

"I don't know. He said he'll be waiting for me. I have to go back."

"Right. And what if-"

"Don't."

"Ronan-" Gansey said again.

"Gansey, don't", Ronan pressed. Gansey leaned back in his seat and nodded.

They ate lunch, cleaned up around the house in whichever way they could. Gansey skyped Maura and Ronan banned him from entering Adam's bedroom so Maura and Opal and the others could see Adam. Ronan knew they wouldn't handle it very well. Gansey frowned but listened anyway. He began making calls for going back home, especially for taking Adam home, which was going to be a complicated transit. Blue and Henry stepped out for a walk and went to buy groceries for dinner while Ronan retreated to his spot beside Adam's bed on the floor.

"I need you to be awake here, Parrish", Ronan whispered. "And not just in my head."

He dragged his fingers delicately across the skin of Adam's arms. His tan looked pale, freckles dimmed and light. Ronan slipped his hand under Adam's, dropping his head on the back of Adam's palm.

They had decided to go for a drive after their late lunch. They had collectively made ravioli with a rich ricotta filling and Adam had brought ice cream last night. Ravioli was made with loud chuckles and Ronan cursing and Chainsaw squawking and Opal cackling at the mess they made. 

They left the Barns, exited Singer's falls and drove towards Henrietta. They had dropped Opal and Chainsaw at 300 Fox Way for the night before they had taken the highway and Ronan drove them out of town, up the hills till they reached the top. Ronan got out and jumped on the hood of the BMW, Adam climbing beside him. Adam cocooned himself under Ronan's arm, his arm thrown across Ronan's middle. Ronan turned and kissed his forehead.

"I don't know what you want from me", Adam said.

Ronan turned to look at him. Adam was looking at the view of Henrietta below the hills, his eyes and his face glowing as the sunlight hit it.

"Anything you'd want to give me. What do you want to give me?" Ronan asked. Adam smiled at him.

"I can't promise to give you the world." Ronan laughed. "But I promise to give you little things, because little things have a world of their own, a little bubble."

Ronan hummed and we watched the sunset before Adam began again. It was yellow and pink and orange and the dark green trees and red roofs of Henrietta houses shone under it.

"I want to give you domestic things, cheesy and sappy things. But I want to do them with you", Adam said cheerily.

"I don't mind", Ronan replied, steadily blushing.

"I want the lazy mornings and kisses and breakfast in the kitchen. I want slow dancing in the living room when we feel like we're the only people in this world. I want to go out with you, have picnics in the park with takeout and tetra packs of juice.

I want to give you carnations, fuschia and the sour skittles you like. I want to laugh at you when you scrunch your nose at the sour skittles and make you smile because making you smile feels like heaven. I want to hold hands with you, because I'm too warm and you're too cold. 

I want to hold you on your bad days and scream Harry Styles' songs on the top of our lungs on good ones. I'm broken and making someone whole is bullshit but with you, I feel less broken."

"Me too."

"What do you want?" Adam asked.

"Everything you just said. But also, I want to kiss you at the bus stop because it's cheesy. I want to make ravioli in the kitchen with you on lazy weekend nights when you stay over. I want to go to the museums and art galleries with you, and paint but also make out because shut up, it's romantic as fuck.

I want to take you apart, piece by piece until we forget who we are and get lost in each other. I want to make you feel less and less broken the whole time I have you under my hands. I want to give you happiness. And everything else you deserve, Parrish." Adam leaned closer, his hand on Ronan's cheek and their noses brushing. Adam smiled, his eyes twinkling.

"You do. You make me happy."

"Sappy little motherfucker." Adam rolled his eyes.

"I don't care", Adam mumbled.

Back at home, in the quiet stillness of their bedroom, Adam's hands traced the delicate vines and claws of Ronan's tattoo, gently with enough pressure and so much warmth. Ronan hummed into their kiss, tongue sliding over Adam's bottom lip, eliciting a low moan from Adam's throat. Ronan broke apart, laughing. Adam dropped his head on Ronan's shoulder and huffed.

"You're going away in a month", Ronan said. Adam was moving to Cambridge in a month, his acceptance letter having arrived a week ago.

"Yeah. It's just", Adam took a breath. "Overwhelming."

"I know. You'll be okay."

"Promise me, you'll be still here when I come back home."

"Where else would I be?" Ronan asked.

Where else would he be?

Ronan breathed on Adam's hands and listened to the monitor beep quietly. Adam's skin was cold, his formerly chapped hands not so chapped anymore, Ronan noticed. He closed his eyes and drifted to sleep. He didn't dream.

It was Henry who woke him up. Ronan rubbed his eyes open, the evening sunlight melting into the bedroom in hues of yellow and orange. Adam breathed, sound asleep. Ronan didn't know if it was a relief or not. He couldn't tell. His back was aching terribly, having slept in an odd position.

"Hey", Henry whispered, sitting down beside him. Ronan grunted in lieu of a response. "Coffee", Henry added, handing him a steaming cup of coffee.

"Thanks. I need a shower." Henry nodded.

"Where Gans and Sargent?"

"They needed fresh air. We don't need everybody to panic at once under the same roof. They'll be back by dinner. Will you help me make dinner?"

"Only if we make Korean", Ronan mumbled. Henry grinned.

"Of course, my man", Henry said with a grin. Ronan couldn't help but smile

He finished the coffee, kept it in the sink while Henry sat beside Adam in the room, keeping him company while he worked. Ronan grabbed a hoodie and sweatpants before he shut himself in the bathroom. The hot water soothed his tired muscles and bones against the pain and the cold. Even if his head was a loud cacophony of Adam related thoughts, the shower calmed him down to some extent. 

He changed into the clothes, and went to Adam's room to check up on Henry. He opened the door when he heard Henry's voice and stopped short of opening it.

"... I don't know man. I feel so crazy talking to you like this when you're dreaming, waiting for Lynch out there wherever you are. He won't keep you waiting for a long ass time, that's for sure.

I still cannot believe this is happening. You're in a magical sleep or coma or whatever, we're in your sexy little apartment in Ireland and Ronan Lynch is busy playing worried boyfriend even if he's being all non chalant about it. That guy couldn't act to save his life."

Ronan rolled his eyes.

"I wish you could see him. These past few days. If that doesn't tell you how much in love he is with you, I seriously don't know what will. I know it's been twelve long years and you were both supposed to move on and crap but who are you or him kidding? Not me that's for sure," Henry chuckled.

Ronan resisted the urge to barge in the room and punch him, partly out of anger but mostly out of affection. There were this age old knots in his chest that were untangling in this moment.

"It's been a long, long time Adam. You're both not nineteen or stupid teenagers anymore. Even if he won't tell himself or anybody what he wants, Ronan knows what he wants. You're the only thing he's been ever so sure of, the only one he keeps coming back to round and round. And you know damn well that he's the only one who you're utterly sure about. I know damn well that he's the only one who you're utterly sure about.

We're all family to you Adam Parrish. But Ronan Lynch? He's your second half, split into a grunge looking angry motherfucker who is a soft, gentle man at heart. 

Keep him, Adam. You let go once, I don't think you can do it again. And-"

Ronan couldn't bear it anymore so he just shut the door and walked out into the balcony, blinking away tears. The sunset was beautiful and so was the city. He rubbed his eyes aggressively, digging the palms of his hands into them as the sunlight danced on his skin. He ached, he ached, he kept on aching.

"Lynch?" Henry's voice came from behind. Ronan tried to compose himself before he turned around. Henry frowned. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Did you-?" Henry asked, tilting his head towards Adam's bedroom.

"Yeah", Ronan nodded. Henry blinked at him.

"Shit."

"It's fine Cheng."

"I'm sorry, really."

"I said it's fine", Ronan said, squeezing his shoulder. Henry dropped his head on Ronan's shoulder.

"Tell him I miss him", Henry mumbled. Ronan hummed and patted his back.

"I will. Come on, let's make Korean."

Henry pulled away nodding before they both went to the kitchen to make dinner. Gansey and Blue appeared halfway as they both were making dinner with pastries for dessert. Ronan and Henry finished dinner and they all sat in the living room with food and ate quietly. Ronan cleaned up with Blue in the kitchen while Gansey and Henry booked airline tickets and did the formalities.

"You okay Lynch?"

"Mhmm. You?"

"Same. I just miss him."

"In his dreams at least he's fine. And physically", Ronan said as a form of reassurance while he scrubbed the dishes.

"I know. I just want him to wake up soon."

"Me too."

"What will you do? When you see him in the dreams again?"

"I don't know, Sargent. Just talk I guess. Convince him that his fucking life is important to me. And all of us."

"Yeah. Yeah. Do you think he'll-"

"He has to", Ronan muttered. There was no other option, at least in Ronan's head. "He has to", he said again.

"He has to", Blue agreed in a whisper.

Ronan told them all to go to sleep so that they could rest and not annoy Ronan while he dreamt. Gansey informed him that he had made arrangements for Adam to be taken home and tickets for them as well. Effectively, Ronan had until tomorrow evening but Gansey said they would be able to prepone their flight. Ronan didn't even ask how that was possible. Henry kept him and Adam company, as switched between Adam's bedroom and the living room where the futon was laid out for Ronan. 

Ronan took one last look at Adam's sleeping form before he sat down at the edge of the mattress. He drank water. Henry appeared and lightly touched his cheek, his eyes glassy. Ronan closed his eyes.

"Bring him home", Henry whispered and pulled away.

Ronan opened his eyes, nodded at Henry and laid down. He closed his eyes and began to dream.

He found himself in his bed at the Barns when he woke up. The sun was bright and pleasantly warm outside and the bed was empty and cold beside him. He pushed the covers away and walked downstairs. It was quiet except for the wind chimes tinkling and the trees whispering in their wake. He looked around for Adam before he found him sitting at the yellow bench again.

Ronan took a breath and walked towards him. Adam turned out, his face lighting up into a smile as he saw Ronan. Ronan burned. Ronan sat down beside him. He noticed how Adam looked a little faded, almost translucent. Like a-

Adam looked like a ghost. 

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Henry misses you."

"I miss him too. And Blue. And Gansey. And you."

"I'm right here."

"I miss you in the real world, not in my dreams", Adam stated.

"I don't have a lot of time", Ronan mumbled. 

"I know."

"Tell me, Parrish. What do I do to make you want to come home?" Ronan asked, feeling helpless. He stared at the palms of his hands. Adam's hand slid into one of his, his freckles bright and skin tanned. "I feel fucking useless."

"I told you, you know." Ronan stared at him.

Adam Parrish had always been made for leaving, Ronan knew that. There was this constant urge, fight in him to leave this place, Henrietta and all and to shed his skin, accent and all so that he could go places and be someone. Leaving came easy for Adam, he himself had told Ronan.

What Ronan also knew that Adam Parrish was also made for coming back to Ronan. Adam Parrish had hated every square inch of Henrietta but he always managed to come back to the Barns, to Ronan and land up in his arms, to come back home. Right where he belonged.

Adam Parrish had always been made for leaving, Ronan knew that. But Ronan also knew that Adam Parrish was also made for coming back to him, to home because Ronan wanted him to stay. Because all Ronan wanted was for Adam to come back, to stay and never go. For Adam Parrish to trace his steps back to Ronan, no matter how far he went.

Ronan Lynch wanted Adam Parrish to stay.

All he had to do was ask.

All he had to do was ask.

All he had to do was ask .

The realisation hit Ronan hit a wave of tsunami, his heart doing a weird, flippy thing. Adam spoke before he could say anything.

"Ronan", Adam said, sounding desperate. Ronan's gaze snapped to him. Adam's form was flickering, switching from translucent to more translucent like a light switch. Ronan caught him in his arms, his body cool under his hands.

"What is happening? Adam?"

"I don't know. The line. The line's taking me."

"Fuck."

"Ronan-" Adam said, a bare whisper.

"Adam. Listen to me", Ronan said, tears pooling in his eyes as he cupped Adam's face.

"Yes?"

"Last time I didn't ask. But here I am. Asking you", Ronan took a breath.

"Adam, will you stay? Will you stay for me this time?"

Adam laughed, even while he was disappearing he couldn't stop laughing, his head thrown back and his eyes twinkling like stars. His laugh echoed in Ronan's chest. Ronan ached, he ached and he kept on aching.

"Adam", Ronan mumbled in Adam's hair, tears streaming down his face. "Please."

"Yes, you asshole. All you had to do is ask", Adam yelled cheerfully, pulling back to cup Ronan's face.

"Does this mean?" Ronan asked. Adam wrapped himself around Ronan, his arms snaked tightly around his neck.

"Yes, Ronan yes."

"Fuck." Adam pressed his lips on Ronan's temple.

"Take me home, love."

Adam began to fade away. Ronan held him tighter, his tears falling on Adam's hoodie. 

"Stay. Stay Adam, stay."

"Wake me up at home, okay?" Adam whispered in his ear.

"You're fading", Ronan said helplessly.

"I'll wake up to see you at home. Take me to the place where you and I know."

Adam slipped away in time, from under Ronan's hands.

Ronan woke up screaming Adam's name.

Chapter Text

"Adam", Ronan yelled loudly as he gasped awake, hands reaching for him. Henry yelped in surprise. Before he could say anything, Ronan jumped out of bed and ran towards Adam's bedroom. He fell to his knees beside Adam's bed. Adam's heart rate had noticeably slowed down. Ronan took Adam's hand in his and rubbed it between his palms.

"I'm taking you home, Parrish. Don't you dare give up on me now", he muttered angrily through teary eyes. "Don't you fucking dare", he snarled angrily through teary eyes.

Behind him, the rest of them murmured. Ronan turned to look at them.

"We're taking Adam home."

"What?" All three of them asked collectively.

"We're taking Adam home."

He turned around and kissed Adam's forehead.

"I'm taking you home, love", he whispered only for Adam's ear. Adam's heartbeat continued to rise and increase slowly.

Ronan sighed a breath of relief. He stood up and wiped his eyes. Henry, Gansey and Blue continued to stare at him dumbly. 

"What the fuck are you waiting for? Get your shit and get ready to leave."

"Ronan, explain first", Gansey said.

"Gans, Adam wants to go home. What else do you want to know? I'm not telling you shit."

"You're not kidding right?" Blue asked. Ronan flipped her the bird. Henry laughed while she glared.

"Dick, when can we leave? The earliest, the better."

Gansey quickly got his phone and fumbled with it for a while as they looked.

"Tomorrow morning. Around breakfast."

"Cool. Pack your stuff and sleep. I'll take care of Adam's stuff."

"Wouldn't suggest otherwise", Gansey muttered under his breath, eyes twinkling. Blue and Henry literally giggled.

"Not a word", Ronan said, pointing a finger at their snickering faces. "Not a single fucking word until Parrish wakes up."

They all nodded and left after Gansey confirmed their flight tickets and arrangements for Adam to take home. Ronan didn't even want to know how Gansey had done the complicated stuff so quickly. Adam's heart rate was almost back to normal and had probably fluctuated because of the dreaming. Ronan got his phone and dialled 300 Fox Way.

"Who the fuck?" Came Calla's voice, groggy with sleep.

"Sorry but urgent."

"Oh, hello Snake. Wait, is everything okay?" She asked, suddenly awake.

"That's what I wanted to ask."

"What?"

"Adam had been dreaming, which means Declan was right. He told me to take him home but the line was like, draining him? He told me that. I don't know what to do."

"It was probably the line searching for him. Now that it found him, you're halfway there. He's halfway home."

"Fuck. That means-" Ronan bit his lip. Calla laughed loudly.

"Yes, Snake. It's time to wake your sleeping magician up."

Ronan couldn't stop the wide grin spreading across his face. He laughed, wiping his eyes and Calla chuckled in response.

"We're coming home. Soon."

"Well in time before Sunday. One less worry. Remember, take him to Cabeswater and nowhere else. Do you understand?"

"Yes, yes I do."

"Good. You did it, Snake", Calla said softly.

"I had to."

"Don't let him go this time."

"I won't."

"See you all and Coca-Cola back home."

"Yeah."

"Goodbye."

Ronan did manage to hear Calla yelling "Maura, Jimi wake the fuck up! Adam fucking Parrish is coming home" before she hung up. He leaned against the wall and slid down on the floor, watching Adam. He breathed, it felt like it after a very long time. 

He was taking Adam home.

He was taking Adam home.

He was taking Adam home .

Ronan packed his bags barring the stuff he'd need with him on hand while the rest did the same. The four of them cleaned around the apartment, packed their bags before they went to sleep. Ronan found a carry on in Adam's storage and then opened his closet. He dumped a few clothes for Adam and found his documents all neatly kept together and put it in his own bag. He finished packing Adam's bag and kept it beside his own. 

He felt heat creep up into his cheeks as he thought about changing Adam's clothes. He could do it of course, he had already seen Adam naked but this felt a little invasive weirdly. But it wasn't like he had any other choice. And he knew Adam would rather appreciate him doing it rather than Gansey or Henry because of the fear of them seeing what hid under his clothes. His scars and all. The ones only Ronan had seen and touched and kissed. It had been twelve years.

Ironically, Ronan ended up tidying Adam's room too. Gansey came in a while later to inform him that a doctor would come in for a check up and to prepare Adam for the flight considering it was an emergency under "special circumstances". Ronan found it almost comical. He dragged an extra mattress and duvet from the spare bedroom and slept on the floor beside Adam's bed. 

He slept an anxious yet dreamless sleep and woke up pretty early to see the early sunlight pour into the room through the blinds. He freshened up before he went out. Blue was talking to the doctors, Gansey was coordinating with the airline company while Henry made pancakes for breakfast. Ronan found orange juice in the refrigerator and sat down at the dinner table. Henry handed him a bowl full of strawberries and a knife.

"Thanks", he said cheerfully. Ronan rolled his eyes.

"I didn't say I'd do it."

"No but I know you would", Henry quipped back with a wink.

"Asshole", Ronan muttered as he picked up the knife and a strawberry.

They all had juice and Henry's pancakes for breakfast before they all left to get ready. Ronan cleaned up the kitchen with Henry before he took off. He took a shower, changed into comfortable travel clothes and managed to change Adam too with the help of a nurse who had arrived from hospital without much fuss or panicking on his end. The doctors did a thorough checkup, deemed Adam's vitals to be perfectly normal and ready for travel. Ronan let the doctors finish their work while he sat down in the living room with the three of them.

"Okay I had to pull some strings", Gansey began. "Not really but Helen did."

"What are you saying Dick?"

"Helen's friend is a pilot. He offered to pick us up and take us home in his private plane. I made arrangements for Adam too."

"Damn Gansey", all of them said. Gansey chuckled. 

"I think it's better than crowded airplanes. I feel so bizarre about Adam travelling like that."

"Well, he won't know so that's good", Blue said. Ronan hummed.

"Of course", Gansey agreed.

They had to call the hospital ambulance to take Adam obviously from the apartment to the airport. Ronan and Blue split to travel with Adam while Henry and Gansey took a cab, following them to the Cork airport. Since they had a private jet, it was easier to make room for Adam's stretcher and oxygen and all the required equipment as there was enough space and privacy. A doctor was going to accompany them till they reached back for a final checkup after the transit. 

Gansey informed them that their airplane had arrived so they hurried towards it, the hospital staff carrying Adam. Adam's vitals continued to fluctuate a bit but the doctors informed it was probably an involuntary response to the movement and environmental change. They all were inside the jet soon after and ready to take off with Ronan sitting with Adam while the rest occupied the front. Ronan ran a hand across Adam's forehead, neatening his hair. Adam breathed slowly and continuously.

"You're doing amazing. Few hours more", he whispered into Adam's ear. "Let's get you home."

The airplane took off. Ronan smiled at Adam, knowing that if he were awake, Adam would simply hate each and every minute of this air journey, especially when he had to endure it for almost ten hours. Ronan breathed, fingers tangled in Adam's as he sat quietly. He gave Henry a thumbs up when he peered to check. Henry smiled brightly. His phone buzzed with a text.

Dec: Maura called and said you're coming back home? With Parrish?

Dec: RONAN .

Dec: I swear to god for once just reply to my texts, for the sake of my sanity.

Ronan chuckled as he typed a reply.

• Yes Dec we're coming back home

• Congrats you genius asshole, your assumption was very correct

• I'll tell you everything after we're back in Henrietta

Dec: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

Dec : JESUS CHRIST RONAN WHAT THE HELL 

Dec: I'm at the Barns, I came yesterday.

Dec: Travel safely, take care of Adam.

• As if you have to tell me

Dec: Asshole.

Dec: See you at home.

• See you at home :)

Ronan pocketed his phone and watched the scenery pass by in a lazy landscape outside. The ride from the airport to home was mostly a blur to Ronan as his nerves began to take hold with anticipation rising in his chest. Declan was already waiting for them pacing worriedly across the living as they walked inside. Gansey went into the spare bedroom with the doctors as they took Adam inside while Blue and Henry went to 300 Fox Way. Declan sighed and wrapped Ronan in a bear hug. 

"Now care to explain what the fuck is happening?" Declan muttered.

"You were right. He was indeed dreaming. I don't know how or what or whatever. It took me a while to convince Parrish but I did it, I guess."

"What did you do?" Declan asked, eyebrows etched together in distress. "Ronan, what did you do?"

"What I was supposed to do twelve years ago", Ronan whispered. Declan blinked at him. "Ask him."

"Ask him?"

"Last time, I didn't ask him to stay for me. Last time, I thought he was going to leave anyway."

"Oh Ronan", Declan said with a smile. "You're something else."

"I have a charm", Ronan said with fake narcissism. Declan punched his shoulder and laughed.

The doctors came out with Gansey behind them and Ronan stepped into the room where Adam was asleep. There were no needles inside of him, no heart rate monitors, no nothing. Here he was, peacefully asleep under the roof of the Barns. 

It had been twelve years.

Ronan sat beside him on the bed, his hand covering Ronan's. Out of nowhere, through the window, Chainsaw flew in. She landed on the bed, pecking at Adam's ear. Ronan swatted her away.

"Chainsaw, go the fuck away."

She squawked back in annoyance before she flew outside again. Ronan signed the required documents before the doctors left, with Declan driving them to the airport. Blue and Henry arrived with Opal, who began screaming and crying after seeing Adam. Ronan had to quiet her down with a laugh.

They took the BMW with Henry driving it as Ronan sat behind with Adam's head on his lap while Opal and Chainsaw took the passenger seat. Blue and Gansey were behind them in the Camaro as they all drove towards Cabeswater. Granted that there was an entrance to it from the Barns, but Ronan knew there was only one place he wanted to take Adam to. 

Henry and Gansey parked the car and Ronan got out, carrying Adam bridal style in his arms as his nervous anticipation began to seep into his bones. It was almost night, the sunset a loud, bright mix of yellows and oranges and the trees a dark green. Ronan stepped inside the forest, the others trailing behind him with Opal and Chainsaw hopping in the front. Opal turned to look at him, questions abound in her eyes.The trees rustled cheerfully, murmuring in their wake amongst each other.

Sochraide . Sorcerer.

Aislingeach . Dreamer.

"You know where to go runt", Ronan said. 

Opal's face broke into a grin as she took off. Ronan looked down at Adam, sound asleep in his arms. Instances of an Adam Parrish of twelve years ago, flashing in front of his eyes when Ronan had carried an unconscious Adam back home. After the demon, after his possession, after Ronan was almost unmade, After Gansey died and came back, after everything. 

After walking for a while, they reach the clearing. The sun was bright here, the evening sky forgotten outside. The trees surrounded the small clearing, fairy lights tangled between them and in the centre lay a wooden table and benches, colored in yellow, a shade of sunflower. The trees murmured in excited voices, their chattering a rumbling cacophony mixed with Chainsaw's squawking.

"This is-" Gansey said behind him.

"Adam's nineteenth birthday at the Barns", Blue continued.

"Holy shit", Henry said softly.

Ronan breathed and nerves ran through his flesh, bones and as he laid Adam down on the soft bed of grass on the ground. Henry, Gansey and Blue remained standing behind him as he kneeled down beside him. Ronan touched Adam's cheek and closed his eyes, leaning forward, closer to his ear.

"Wake up, my love", he breathed.

The trees fell silent, Ronan breathed, Adam breathed. Ronan waited, the deafening silence becoming louder by the second. Opal and Chainsaw stood beside him, quiet and waiting. For the briefest of moments, Ronan panicked and thought that the ground was going to crack and swallow them up. And then, his hand which was on Adam's cheek burst with warmth.

A king woke up.

Adam's eyes shot open as he woke up with a loud gasp. Ronan ached, he ached and kept on aching as he watched the sapphire of Adam's eyes after so long. It had been twelve years. The rest of them broke into loud cheers as Ronan pulled Adam close. Adam coughed, inhaling as he tried to get air into his lungs. Ronan ran his hand along Adam's back in slow circles. Adam had the audacity to yawn against his chest. Ronan rolled his eyes.

"Good morning motherfucker", he said. Adam sighed, a small smile appearing on his face, shoulders relaxing under Ronan's hands.

"Hi", Adam replied, voice small and rough from disuse.

"Hi", Ronan said in a mumble, his voice cracking and a grin set in place, eyes pooling with tears.

Ronan sat back and allowed the rest of them to hound Adam until he saw Adam's tired face turn into a more tired version. They talked and talked and asked questions and Adam answered all of them to the best of his ability until Ronan could see that Adam was visibly tired.

"Okay enough with harassing him. Time to go home", Ronan grumbled.

"Actually, you guys go home", Adam said. "I've to talk to Ronan. But we'll be back soon."

"Parrish-" Ronan began but Adam shot him a look, giving his hand a squeeze. "Fine."

The rest of them looked between them before they left, leaving Adam and Ronan alone in Cabeswater. Ronan breathed, still getting hold of the fact that Adam was alive and awake in front of him. He looked tired and rusty, like a car left unused for a while by the way his voice was hoarse and limbs stiff. 

Adam stood, fumbling in his steps and Ronan caught him under his arms before they both sat on the yellow bench. Adam put his legs up and lay down, his head on Ronan's lap. Ronan wanted to cry.

"Didn't you get enough sleep already?" Ronan teased, even if he was this close to crying.

"Very funny."

"Do you remember? Any of your dreams?"

"Crystal clear. I told you I'd wake up, didn't I?"

"You did", Ronan whispered, letting his tears fall. He rubbed his eyes. Adam sat up, turning to face him. Adam cupped his face.

"I'm here, Ro", he said with a small smile.

"I know."

"And I'm not going anywhere this time. I'm staying."

"Stay. That's all I want", Ronan said, voice cracking.

"It's not going to be easy, you know?" Adam said. "I can't give up my life and haul ass here. Neither can you."

"Fuck all of that. I don't care if you are here or anywhere else in the world."

"Ro."

"Adam, please. It's been twelve years. I can't handle losing you again", Ronan whispered.

"Me too", Adam said. 

"We'll make it", he said. "This time we'll make it", he added.

"Yeah. Yeah, we will."

Adam rubbed Ronan's cheeks with his thumbs. Ronan breathed. Adam sat beside him, his head on Ronan's shoulder.

"Do you feel okay?" Ronan asked.

"Yeah pretty much. My body hurts."

"You were literally asleep for four fucking days. No wonder it hurts." Adam hummed in response.

"Ro?" Adam asked, sliding his hand into Ronan's. Ronan slotted his fingers in the crooks between Adam's.

"Yeah?" 

"Take me home."

Ronan couldn't help but let out the laugh that bubbled from his chest. He squeezes Adam's hand in his and stood up. Adam was still fumbling a little but managed to walk without falling. Ronan slid an arm across his waist, watching the blush tint Adam's cheeks pink. Ronan stood leaning against the BMW, Adam in front of him, his sapphire eyes bright under the evening sky. Ronan could see the moon appear behind Adam. 

"Adam?" 

Adam kissed him. Ronan ached, he ached and kept on aching. Adam soothed it.

Adam's lips were distantly familiar, a ghost of a memory that had lingered on Ronan's lips. Ronan kissed him back; slow and gentle and careful. Adam's hands rested on Ronan's hips while Ronan's snaked around his waist, his fingers feeling the warmth of Adam's skin. They broke away, panting for breath and their lips red, cheeks flushed. Ronan dropped his forehead, touching Adam's.

" Tamquam ", he whispered. 

Adam laughed, his breath fanning over Ronan's face. It had been twelve years.

" Alter idem ", Adam replied.

Ronan was home.

Ronan got in the driver seat after Adam got in the passenger seat. He played the Murder Squash song to be an asshole and Adam rolled his eyes so hard that Ronan thought they'd disappear into his skull. "I can't believe I'm saying this but I missed this atrocity of a song", was all Adam said. Ronan laughed as he drove towards Singer's falls. 

Ronan parked the BMW and jogged to the other side to help Adam climb out of the car. Adam's smile hadn't faded a bit. They walked towards the house in slow steps, Adam looking around as they did.

"It looks so different yet so familiar", he said. Ronan squeezed his hand. 

They walked up the porch steps and Adam stopped short of opening the door. Ronan gently knocked their shoulders together. Adam exhaled.

"We're home."

Adam unlocked the door and stepped inside. He sat down on the couch, talking to everybody while Ronan made him coffee and got something to eat. Adam drank the coffee and ate without complaint before he got up and started walking upstairs, as if out of habit. Ronan's heart ached with affection while Henry gave him a smug little smile, fully aware of what was happening as the others watched, slightly confused.

"I'll check up on him", Ronan grumbled and got up quickly to follow Adam. 

Adam stood against the closed bedroom door of what once was their bedroom, now Ronan's. 

"Hi."

"Hi."

"This is so bizarre", Adam said, his hand splayed on the door.

"If it's too much, you can sleep in Declan's old bedroom."

"I don't want to be away from you", Adam said, matter of factly. Ronan blushed. 

"Shut the fuck up."

"Did you get any of my stuff here?"

"I'm not stupid. Your bag is in the other bedroom because I wasn't sure. Yeah."

"Okay. I might have to call the office about my sudden leave of absence."

"Do it later okay? No need to fucking do everything at once. After this long, I'd thought you learnt how to slow down but no." Adam huffed.

"That's because you weren't there to slow me down and make me breathe and shit." Ronan inhaled sharply, looking away. Adam pulled him close, snaking a hand around Ronan's waist. "I'm glad I'm here now."

"I'm glad you're here too. And Adam?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean shit but I have to", Ronan said weakly. Adam dropped his forehead on Ronan's chest.

"It's okay. Doesn't matter now."

"You matter. You're the only thing in my life that matters and the only one I'm so sure of. You know?"

"I know."

"Come on in. Declan's ordered dinner. You need to freshen up."

Adam nodded and they walked into the bedroom. Adam looked around, almost in awe. He sat down at the edge of the bed, hand grazing the covers.

"I'll get your bag."

"Thanks, Ro." 

"Of course, Parrish."

"And Ronan?" Adam called as Ronan was about to leave the room. Ronan peeked inside.

"Yeah?"

"It's good to be home."

Chapter Text

Ronan woke up with a smile on his face and his heart full. He could hear Henry, Opal and Chainsaw cause chaos downstairs as he rubbed his eyes open. He checked his phone. You have four new messages. All of them were from Adam. Ronan clicked it open. 

Parrish<3:

• Morning, grumpy boyfriend.

• Rome was good but I'm tired now.

• I took like a million photos.

• Leaving for the airport now, call me when you wake up.

Ronan smiled, sleepily typing out a response.

• Good morning fucker

• Call you in a bit

• Travel safe

He freshened up, brushed his teeth and splashed water over his face before he walked downstairs. Henry was making toast, Chainsaw was nibbling on what looked like cookies and Opal was chewing on, well, a large stick. Ronan was pretty sure Henry had tried to coax her into eating the cookies before he gave up.

"Good morning Grumpy", Henry said. He had actually heard Adam call Ronan that one night on their call and started teasing Ronan hence. Opal eyed him and chuckled.

"Don't call me that", Ronan grumbled, faking annoyance.

"My bad. I forgot only Adam gets to call you his grumpy boyfriend", Henry said with a grin. Ronan flipped him the bird. Henry sat down with toast and jam and mugs of coffee between them. Opal ran off outside, bored by their conversation.

It had been a little over six months since the whole debacle with the ley line's cycle and Adam's sleep coma and the dreaming and most importantly, them getting together. Adam had ended up staying for almost a month before he had to go back to Ireland and get back to work.

But true to their schedule, they called every alternate night, to catch and texts were sent excessively every day and video calls were abundant. 

Mostly texts and photos and videos were sent from both ends. Adam making breakfast, Ronan and Henry feeding the cows, Adam shopping for groceries, Ronan at 300 Fox Way, Adam buying flowers, Ronan at their favourite spot stop the hills. The ghost of Adam lingered everywhere. 

Ronan had visited Ireland twice. Once with all of them as Adam had officially invited them to stay and shown around town and the second time was Ronan, Opal and Chainsaw. The third time was just around the corner as it was the first of July, which meant Adam's birthday was in two days and Ronan had planned to surprise Adam.

As far as he knew, Adam had lunch plans with a few friends Ronan knew from Cork but he also knew Adam would most probably cancel after Ronan was there. It was hilarious to think about.

Blue and Gansey had sent their gifts for Adam from Boston, a cardigan that Blue had crocheted by hand and a collection of vintage architecture books Gansey had found. Henry's birthday gift was a ceramic cup with a cow painted on it that said "you are a-moo-zing".

Ronan wanted to hate it so bad but it did not help that he had the exact same one. Henry had bought those for them as a "couple's gift" at a flea market they had been to. Ronan's gift was well, a secret in his head. 

"You sure you'll be fine Henry?" Ronan asked between sips. Henry rolled his eyes. "I can just drop Opal and Chainsaw at 300 Fox Way."

"You wound me", Henry said, slapping his hand across his chest. "We'll be fine. It's been a year Lynch, I can work myself around the house."

"Still can't collect the eggs without getting attacked by the hens", Ronan mumbled into his cup.

"Your hens are literal avian spawns of Satan from hell", Henry grumbled. "Not my fault."

Ronan burst into laughter. Henry grinned. They had breakfast before they went out to work on the farms and animals. They fed and brushed the cows first, with Ronan sneakily shooting a video when Henry was talking animatedly to the cows he was brushing. He sent it to Adam. Opal told him that there were weeds growing in some vegetable patches so all of them slipped into rubber gloves and gumboots as they deweeded them, sweating and limbs aching.

By lunch time, the sun was pleasantly warm on their skins and their stomachs were growling for food as they cleaned up and walked back to the house. Ronan and Henry whipped up an Indian chicken curry with spiced rice and salad (all recipes courtesy of one of Gansey's many global friends). They took their food and sat down in the backyard, on the silly yellow bench. Ronan had repaired and repainted it a few months ago, and added a wooden pergola over it, creating a beautiful shaded eating space.

"Lynch?" Henry asked between bites.

"Yeah?"

"So I know I was supposed to stay here for a year because of my work contract. But they want to keep me for a longer time, meaning how much ever I want to so I was wondering whether-" Henry rambled.

"Of course you can stay here, man. As long as you want to", Ronan said, interrupting him. Henry blinked at him in surprise.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. It's great having you here. We have company."

"What if Adam wants to-" Henry waved his hands around. "You know."

"I don't think that's happening anytime soon considering his work schedule. We'll stay at each other's places alternately whenever we can, yes. But I don't think we are thinking of moving. So don't worry Cheng."

Henry nodded. "Okay."

"Bottom line, you're staying here."

"Yes sir."

"Good. I'm happy that you are."

Henry's face morphed into a bright, wide smile.

"Thanks man."

"Of course."

They ate, cleaned up the kitchen before they moved to vacuuming the whole housing. Henry informed him that they needed groceries so the evening saw Ronan, Henry and Chainsaw in the BMW driving towards the supermarket after they had stopped by 300 Fox Way.

Opal had decided to stay there for the night as she preferred the house over their "boring shopping spree". In the parking lot, Ronan was damn sure he spotted Robert Parrish's truck driver by the road but he ignored it in favour of shopping with Henry.

He greeted the supermarket cashier, an old lady from the town they had come to know. She gave them a huge smile and a loud "hello" as Henry grabbed a cart and walked. Ronan snapped a picture of Henry wearing a large cabbage as a crown (it surprisingly looked like one on his head) and sent it to Adam before they continued shopping. 

They made tacos for dinner and margaritas a la Henry before they cleaned up and left for their respective rooms after saying goodnight. Ronan found his carry on in the storage and dropped it on the bed, flipping it open. He opened his closet and began to pick out clothes. He did not forget to take an extra tee-shirt (a certain somebody liked to steal them) along with the rest.

The house was quiet again. All of them, including Declan had left the house, Opal and Chainsaw having disappeared into the lawns. Adam was taking a shower while Ronan was lying down on the couch. There was this feeling in his chest, the feeling of happiness that only Adam was responsible for. 

He still couldn't believe all of this had happened over the week. Adam falling into a magical coma, Ronan flying to meet him after twelve years, talking to him. Bringing him home. The feeling of Adam's lips, Adam's hands and the blue of his stupidly gorgeous eyes. It felt like a dream.

Ronan opened his eyes as Adam suddenly draped himself over Ronan. He couldn't help but laugh, his hands around Adam's waist.

"Get off Parrish", he falsely complained. "You're so fucking heavy."

Adam made no effort to move. His hair was wet from the shower, glistening because of the water. He was pointedly wearing one of Ronan's tee-shirts. What was the point of bringing Adam's clothes if he was going to steal Ronan's clothes anyway? Not that Ronan had any complaints.

"I missed you", Adam mumbled. "I missed all of this."

Ronan breathed. So did Adam.

"I know."

"I can't be your boyfriend", Adam said. Ronan immediately tensed and began to pull away. Adam huffed, stopping him. "Listen, Ro. This is a lot, all at once. I can't go back to what we were in a day. I need time and space to figure all of this out. I want to know where and how you'll fit in my life and how and where I'll fit in yours."

"I know that. I'm not going anywhere."

"I want you to be my friend first. Boyfriend next."

"So eager to get into my pants, huh?" Adam snorted.

"Been there, done that", Adam smoothly said. "Would definitely do it again", he added. Ronan gaped, his ears heating up along with his cheeks.

"Oh my fucking god, Parrish. Get a grip." Adam laughed into his chest. It was a win in itself.

"I know this is asking for too much too suddenly", Adam said after a while. a retort (or many) burned at Ronan's tongue but he kept quiet. "But I want this, I've always wanted this. I'm tired of fooling myself by thinking that I didn't." Ronan tapped his fingers on the small of Adam's back. "And when I come back, I want you to be here for me", he added. "Please."

"I will be", Ronan promised.

"And I want to come to Ireland. Stay with me for a few days", Adam said, almost shy. "If you want."

"Of course I want to, dumbass." Ronan didn't need to peek to know that Adam was smiling. "And I will."

"Come soon."

"I will."

They fell into silence. Adam was a comfortable weight on top of him, their legs tangled together and Ronan's hand around Adam's waist, fingers grazing the exposed skin of Adam's back.

"When do you have to go back?"

"My boss said I could come in whenever since I was sick. So yeah. I haven't decided yet."

"You haven't decided yet?" Ronan asked, faking surprising and emphasising on the you. "Who are you and what have you done to my Adam Parrish?" He said. 

"Your Adam Parrish you say?" Adam asked. Ronan blushed.

"More like who once was", Ronan whispered. Adam looked up at him and smiled.

"I don't think that ever changed", Adam said.

Ronan burst with affection. He sat up and pressed his lips against Adam's. Adam laughed into the kiss, his hands cupping Ronan's face and Ronan's hands digging gently into Adam's skin. They broke apart, flushed and panting for breath. Ronan dared. Slowly, cautiously he slid his hands under Adam's shirt. Adam closed his eyes, his forehead touching Ronan's.

"Tell me to stop when it's not okay,'' Ronan mumbled.

"You're good, you're good", Adam replied. 

Ronan dared. Some part of him expected to feel Adam's ribs under his fingers but all he felt was taut muscles and soft skin, the warmth that radiated from Adam. His hands stay splayed on either side of Adam's chest. He breathed, so did Adam. Adam rubbed his thumbs on the back of Ronan's neck, breathing. Ronan pressed his lips against Adam in a quick kiss and pulled away. 

"Food?" Ronan asked, his fingers still feeling the warmth of Adam. Adam hummed, opening his eyes. 

"Want to go out?"

"Are you suggesting that we go on a date?" Ronan asked, smirking. Adam immediately blushed.

"Maybe", he mumbled. Ronan laughed, pulling his hands from under Adam's hoodie and cupping his face. 

"Let's change and go out for a drive."

They went for a drive. They got MacDonald's and drove to the top of the hill to watch the sunset. Ronan ate soggy fries as he stared at the sunrays dancing on Adam's face.

They were home.

Ronan couldn't stop smiling as he folded his clothes and packed his bag. He finished packing it and kept it away and grabbed his phone. He answered Declan and Gansey's texts before he texted Adam.

• Hey fucker

• Where are you?

• I can't believe I won't be there for your stupid birthday

• :(

He kept his phone away, smiling like an idiot and went to sleep. In the dreamscape, Adam's gift took shape. Ronan scribbled sochraide on its sleek black metal.

The next morning saw Henry drive Ronan to the airport after breakfast while Opal and Chainsaw stayed behind, not wanting to go for a drive this early in the morning. 

"You got everything?" Henry asked.

"Yeah."

"Passport?"

"Yes."

"The gifts? Boarding pass? Enough clothes?" Henry continued.

"Yes mom, I got everything", Ronan grumbled. Henry snorted.

"Don't talk to your mother like that", Henry chided, teasing. "You kiss your boyfriend with that mouth, young man?" He added.

Ronan burst out laughing till his cheeks hurt. Henry grinned widely at him as he continued to drive. He dropped Ronan off with a hug before Ronan saw the BMW disappear. He checked himself and his luggage before he sat down after grabbing a coffee. His phone dinged with messages.

Parrish<3:

• Hey

• I arrived late and went straight to sleep.

• Going to the office now.

• Have a lunch meeting till the evening.

• Call me tonight?

Ronan typed in response.

• Sleep enough?

• Go do your nerdy bullshit

• I'll call you during dinner

• I miss your stupid face, Parrish

He pocketed his phone and soon enough, his flight to Cork was announced and he got up to leave. If he heard Taylor Swift all through the flight from Virginia to Ireland, it was nobody's business except his. 

It was almost dinner time when he got out of Cork airport, the weather pleasant. He got a cab, stuffed his bags into the trunk and got inside. His nerves began to tingle, adrenaline rushing through his body. He ached, he ached and kept on aching to feel Adam under his hands. His heart hammered in his chest, the feeling of anticipation rising in his chest. Adam was only five minutes and a few miles away. 

The lights were on inside Adam's apartment as Ronan peeked from the cab window. He got down, his knees a little wobbly and heart a little unsteady as he did. He grabbed his bag, paid and walked upstairs to Adam's apartment on the second floor. He took a breath and knocked on the door gently. He could hear Adam move before the door unlocked.

Adam's eyes met his. The stupidest, dopiest, warmest smile bloomed on Adam's face as he looked at Ronan. Ronan grinned till his cheeks hurt, taking two strides before he enveloped Adam under his arms. 

"What the fuck, Ro?" Adam said, voice muffled in Ronan's neck.

"It's not nice to miss your boyfriend's birthday, Parrish", Ronan replied, arms snug around Adam's waist. Adam laughed brightly.

"You", Adam mumbled. "You smell like home."

Ronan felt like he was home.

Adam pulled him inside and closed the door before he kissed Ronan senseless, Ronan's back pressed against the door and Adam's fingers sliding across the tattoo on his back. They broke away, panting for breath and blushing like idiots. Ronan cupped his face, fingers slowly grazing Adam's freckles. Adam closed his eyes, his lips morphing into a small smile.

"In the end", Ronan spoke slowly, carefully. "When the sun sets, the birds fly away and the flowers wilt, why does it have to end with you? Why does it have to end like this?"

"Because you", Adam spoke slowly, carefully. "You bring me home."

Ronan was home.