Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jeremy prided himself on being a solidly decent teacher. He was a fair grader, he kept his classes light, and he did his best to be approachable to his students. He'd never wanted to do anything like this when he was in high school, to the best of his knowledge. 

Then, his freshman year of college, he'd made a mistake. A very stupid, but very beneficial mistake. 

No one ever expected it of him, really. Even Jeremy hadn't. 

"Dad." The voice at the door alerted Jeremy to the arrival of said stupid yet beneficial mistake.

If no one expected Jeremy to get a girl pregnant at eighteen, they were even more surprised to see Will as the result. 

Jeremy was all awkward edges and soft spoken voice and muted sweaters. His son was his exact opposite, unless you counted the long nose, millions of freckles, and ginger hair. Will was excitable, eccentric, and outspoken. He dressed in bright colours, and Jeremy had fought the dress code to let him dress how he wanted. Within reason, of course. 

Will dropped his bag at the front row of desks, slumping into the chair. Jeremy raised his eyebrows, knowing that Will, all of sixteen, would continue the conversation without Jeremy's input. 

"We've got a new gym teacher, and you'll never believe what I heard." Will said with a grin that Jeremy was sure he didn't teach him how to do. "I almost lost it when we found out."

Jeremy groaned. "Will, if you stalked my coworker-" It wouldn't be the first time Jeremy had to bail his kid out of trouble. It wasn't any fault of Jeremy's parenting, he didn't think. Will had a knack for getting into trouble, and a healthy amount of recklessness that nearly gave Jeremy a stroke. He was reasonably sure that wasn’t hereditary.

"No no, I didn't! Promise." At least Will seemed sincere. Jeremy's face didn't change. He and Will had very different views of what stalking was. "He went to school with you." 

Jeremy blinked at Will. "Will, that's not even a hard thing to do. I went here as a kid." Middleborough High School had only got mildly better over the years. It was different when he was paid to be there, though. "A lot of people come back to work here. Or just end up here." 

Will huffed. "That's not what I mean ." He protested. "He graduated when you did." 

Ah. Well. That narrowed it down, but that still didn't mean much. It mostly meant that Jeremy would avoid the man for the foreseeable future. He hadn't been particularly well liked in high school. He'd been a bit of an oddball. Especially not if the guy was teaching gym. "Amazing, Will." He said, sighing as he turned back to the papers. Did one of his students call Lady Macbeth a 'crazy bitch' in an academic paper? Sure, they weren't wrong, but still. He took off a point for the swearing. 

"And he was talking about how he graduated the year you did, and how he was on the football team-" Even less of a reason to talk to him. "And he told this story about how Uncle Rich and him were friends, and-" 

Jeremy's head snapped up. "I'm sorry?" 

Well, that put a different spin on things. Jeremy had just settled into his routine. A year to take care of baby Will, six years of school, two years of job hopping, and now almost seven years of this job. He was getting used to being the better English teacher. And now this had to come and throw a wrench in his works. 

"Yeah, I know, I didn't think Uncle Rich had friends." Will said, completely misinterpreting what Jeremy was feeling. "I mean, Uncle Michael counts, but they're married, so not really. And I guess you. And I didn't think that, y'know, jocks and nerds mixed." 

Jeremy felt his mouth go dry. "What's the new teachers name?" Why hadn't he paid attention in the meetings? He knew they'd mentioned the name. Ah, right, that was the one he'd missed because Will sprained his ankle skating. Fuck. 

"Uh, I dunno his first name. Coach Dillinger, though? Some of the guys are already calling him Coach Dillpickle, cause he was wearing these bright green shoes-" 

Jeremy didn't listen to the rest of the story. Usually, he at least tried to listen to what his son said. He wasn't one to repeat his parents' mistakes. He tried his best to keep his son happy and chattery. They'd had a year or so when Will was younger where they didn't have that camaraderie, and it hadn't turned out well.

But Will had no clue why that name was so familiar. 

"Hold on, Will." He said, trying to keep his cool. "I'll be right back. Don't break anything while I'm gone, I've got Swedish Fish in my desk drawer." 

"Dad, I'm not six." But Will was getting up anyways, heading for the desk, taking the seat in Jeremy's swivel chair. 

Jeremy gave him his best don't you dare look, which was returned with Will's best fake innocent look. Sighing, Jeremy grabbed his phone, heading for the hallway. 

Michael was the most recent contact, as always. He picked up on the second ring. 

"Sup, Jere?" 

Michael had mellowed out since their high school days. He did not, however, give up weed. Jeremy had, only because he didn't want to lose his job. Well, mostly given up. He still had his moments. That did make it so that Jeremy cut right to the chase, before Michael could get distracted. 

"When the hell were you going to tell me Jake was back in town?" He said, keeping his voice low. No students wandered this far into the English wing this late in the day, other than Will and his friends. 

"Jake who?" Michael said, and Jeremy could hear the clattering of dishes. 

"The only Jake we know, Michael." Jeremy groaned, running his hand down his face. "Why didn't you say anything? I mean, Rich had to know." 

"Oh, that Jake." Michael was clearly grinning. "I thought you knew. I mean, they had to, like, send you an email or something about it?" 

Jeremy leaned against the wall. "I missed the meeting. You know when Will sprained his ankle and I had to skip, cause no one was available?" 

"Ah. Well, now you know!" Michael said cheerfully. Extremely unhelpfully. 

"Michael, don't you dare-"

"Have fun rekindling with your ex!" Michael sing-songed, before Jeremy heard the telltale sound of the phone being hung up. 

Jeremy would not, in fact, have fun. 

He returned to his classroom. 

Will sat in his swivel chair, bag of Swedish Fish on his lap, spinning himself in slow circles. "You know, he's kind of cute, in a hunky way." 

"William, he's as old as me." Jeremy said, stealing a few of the candy from the bag, despite his son's annoyed noises. 

"Not for me, ew. For you." 

Jeremy shot him a glare. Will blinked at him innocently, mouth full of gummy candy. 

"I don't need you to play matchmaker." He said, groaning. 

"But you haven't been on a date in ages! And I'm gonna be off to college soon, and you'll be all alone, so-" 

Jeremy shoved the papers into his bag. "So nothing. You're here another two years, and I have people. I'm not going to die because no one's at home with me." 

"You get sad when you're alone, Dad." Will said, with all the air of someone twice his age. "You need someone." 

"I'll enjoy the quiet without your incessant drums when you're away. Finally get a proper night's sleep." Jeremy knew he was joking, but the idea of talking to Jake again made his stomach curdle. 

"Fine, be that way." Will got to his feet, dusting pencil shavings from his skirt. Pencil shavings were inevitable behind Jeremy's desk. "I'm just saying he's cute, and you knew each other, so-" 

"Don't set me up with my coworker." Jeremy sighed. "Especially not him."

Jeremy should have known that Will would take that as a challenge. 

—

The one benefit of raising a kid as a single parent meant that Jeremy knew most of how Will ticked. Not everything, of course. He didn't need to know everything. There were things Jeremy didn't know about Will, and vice versa. He was still his dad, for all their uncommon interactions. 

Jeremy had heard Will's friends call him a "cool dad" once, and nearly burst into laughter at the thought. Jeremy had never once been cool in his life. He wasn't a cool dad, either, he just didn't know how to parent a kid at the age of eighteen. He hadn't had any help from Will's mother, either. When Will was three months old, she'd skipped town and never looked back. 

Right now, Will was looking at him with an odd look on his face. 

"What are you trying to pull?" Jeremy said, not looking up from his papers.

"Trying to figure out your suit size. What if Coach decides to take you somewhere nice?" Will said with a grin. 

Jeremy groaned. "Will." He rubbed his eyes. "You know, why are you even assuming he knows who I am? The school was big when I was a kid. We ran in very different circles."

"Because you looked like you swallowed a frog when I said his name." Will said, matter-of-factly. "But you're right. I don't think you'd wanna go somewhere that nice on the first date."

"Stop trying to plan my love life. Do your friends plan their parents' love lives?" Jeremy sighed. Sometimes he regretted being a more relaxed parent. Usually, Will stayed in his lane, but this was a bit much. 

Will was a bit of a romantic. Not where his own life was concerned, of course. Jeremy knew that his kid was getting far more romantic interactions than he was at his age. It concerned him a little, but he didn't know how to bring it up in a casual manner. 

Will had no such qualms. "Do you think he's attractive?"

"I haven't seen him." 

Not in sixteen years. Not since their breakup. Not that he was about to tell Will that. It would just give him more ammo. 

"I can ask Uncle Rich and Michael-" 

Jeremy pointed at him with his red pen. "Don't you dare." He narrowed his eyes. 

"So there is something about him!" 

"Drop it." 

Jeremy was surprised that his voice came out the way it did. Will clammed up, for now, at least. The subject was dropped. 

—

Jeremy didn't mention that he didn't see Jake because he avoided the gym like the plague. He did his best to avoid the teacher's lounge, too. Common areas were out. 

He sat in his office, bent over his lesson plans, on his break period. A knock at his door barely phased him. "Come in." 

Usually, it was Will, or the secretary from down the hall, or a student seeking his assistance. However, the smell tipped Jeremy off first. 

It was some sort of deodorant, and the smell of a cologne he'd never really been able to figure out. He froze, his eyes snapping up to the doorway. 

Jake Dillinger leaned against the doorframe, smiling at him like they were old pals. 

He'd changed. It was to be expected, since they were adults now. When they'd broken up, he'd been growing scruff, his hair cut short except a lock that fell into his eyes that never stayed back. 

Now Jake stood tall, definitely at least half a foot taller than Jeremy, if not more. His hair was longer, trimmed neatly. He had a beard that made Jeremy's own clean shaven chin feel inferior. He was just as strong as when they'd gone to high school together, if not more. He managed to make muscle tees and gym shorts look attractive. 

Jeremy couldn't help but stare at him. 

"I didn't know you worked here." Jake broke the silence. Jeremy searched the words for any hurt, any bitterness. It would have been so nice to find some semblance of hatred in his words, to know where they stood. As always, though, Jake's words were just chipper. No hidden agendas. "How long have you been teaching?"

Jeremy found his voice. "Uh. Here? About- seven years?" What was he doing? Having small talk, in his office, with Jake Dillinger. 

"Wow, can't believe we both ended up back here. And you were so intent on leaving." 

There it was. The jab Jeremy had been waiting for. He held back the wince he knew was coming. "Well, uh, things happened." 

Mostly, he'd been shoved a kid that he refused to abandon to the foster care system, and he needed the only support systems he had at the time- Michael and his dad. 

Jake looked around his office. Jeremy felt a bit like Jake was taking him apart with his eyes. Looking at the mug on the desk of coffee that had gone cold since that morning, at the photos of Will, courtesy of Esther, at the trinkets on his desk. It was like he was searching for something. 

"Y'know, if it weren't for the hair, I wouldn't have known he was your kid." Jake said, gesturing at the wall. The photo was of Will, standing there proud of himself at the age of six, chipped tooth and all, at the top of a skate ramp. Will hated the photo. Naturally, Jeremy had it on his office desk. 

"Really?" Was all Jeremy could muster in response. He'd kind of hoped that Jake was doing what he was doing, avoiding the majority of contact and only speaking to him if necessary. 

"Oh, yeah. Athletic. Really bubbly, too. Good kid, though. Maybe he takes after his- mother?" 

This was wrong, this was awkward. Jeremy wanted to scream for Jake to leave. To get out of his space. To let him wallow in his hatred of himself for pushing Jake away. But Jake, for all he'd changed, seemed to be just as bad at context clues as he always had been. "I wouldn't know." 

There was awkward silence for a moment. What was Jake here for? To put Jeremy on edge? To make him feel like shit?

"You know, it's already mid September." Jake commented, turning the cubes on a dice calendar on Jeremy's desk. It had been a gift from a student, or else Jeremy never would have kept it. Now he wanted to chuck it from the office, with its stupid clacking noises. "You could've said hi." 

Jeremy fumbled for a response. "Um. The English wing is super far from the gym. I just… haven't been over there." 

Jake looked at him for a moment. Their eyes met for a brief moment, before Jeremy dropped his gaze. "I have lesson plans to finish." He said, praying Jake took the hint. 

He did, leaving with a muttered goodbye. 

Jeremy found it weird that he wanted to start crying. He shut his lesson plan book, leaning his head on his desk and shutting his office door. 

His treacherous mind fed him daydreams of green eyes and brown close cut beards and fingers in his curls.

— 

Parent Teacher Night was Jeremy's least favourite experience. He didn't know how honest to be with the parents. Was he supposed to sugarcoat? To be brutally honest? 

He was good with teens. They were dumb, and their thought processes made no sense a good chunk of the time, but they had a rhythm that was easy to figure out, once he wasn't a teen himself. Adults, on the other hand, he'd never figured out.

He'd just gotten done with a particularly annoying family- a mother and father who were insistent that their precious boy should be getting better grades on his papers for effort, no matter the fact that he was consistently late, under page count, and slept in class. 

Jeremy was taking refuge in the old auditorium, collapsed in the back seats. For some reason, he kept coming back to this spot. It wasn't that there were good memories here. But something about the musty seats and the dust bunnies still under the old fashioned heaters made him feel less tense. 

"You really haven't changed, huh?" 

Jeremy scrambled to his feet, fixing his button down. 

Jake stood there, looking annoyingly attractive in his polo and khakis. He was more toned down than Jeremy had ever seen him, in a forest green shirt. 

It matches his eyes, some annoying part of his mind muttered. He decided to shove that down in the little box in his brain that he shoved all his annoying thoughts in.

"What do you mean?" Jeremy said, trying to feel like he was less awkward than he really was. It was hard to do, in a tie patterned with cats. He'd thought it was cute. Maybe Will was right, and he looked like a total dork. 

Jake gestured at the theater around them. "You always used to come here when you were stressed in school." He said, leaning against the backs of the chairs. "Annoying parents?" 

Jeremy couldn't help but huff. "Terrible. The kind that think I'm failing their kid on purpose." 

"Yeesh." Jake said. Jeremy could feel his eyes on him, searching. Jeremy wouldn't meet his gaze. "Those are the worst." 

"I should - really go back. I've got a few more meetings to get through-" 

Jake's hand caught his arm. Jeremy felt like he'd just been struck by lightning, his entire nervous system set on fire. Jake's fingers were warm, loose enough for Jeremy to pull away, but tight enough that Jeremy was sure that he could feel his quickening heartbeat. 

"We met here, do you remember?" Jake's voice was soft.

"No." Jeremy said, honestly. 

Jake's hand slipped from his arm. Jeremy almost missed the warmth. "Ah." Was that disappointment in his voice? No, that was stupid. "You told me my accent was good. I called your buff." 

"Bluff." Jeremy murmured. 

"Sorry?" 

Jeremy stepped back. "I have to get back to my office." 

He left Jake standing there in the auditorium, not looking back until he was sure the doors closed behind him. 

—

"I don't get why he wants to keep talking to me."

Jeremy sat on Michael's back porch, aware he looked disheveled. He hadn't even stopped at home to clean up. Will was off at a friend's, so he could have gone home and drowned his sorrows in alcohol. He didn't drink when Will was home, if he could help it. 

"Maybe he wants to be friends." Michael said, feet propped on the table in front of him. 

"He doesn't want that, Michael." Jeremy groaned, tugging at his tie.

"Enemies, then?" Michael suggested, raising his eyebrows at Jeremy. His eyes were red, just a little. "Look, is it so weird to think he actually wants to talk to you without ulterior motives?"

"Yes!" Jeremy protested. "You remember the breakup. There's no way. He doesn't want to talk to me."

"Are you letting him talk to you, or are you doing that thing?" Michael narrowed his eyes. Jeremy hated when he did this. Knowing someone for nearly three decades had its perks, of course, but god, did it mean that Michael knew way more about Jeremy than he'd like. 

"What thing?" 

"The thing you do where you clam up and go aloof and give the cold shoulder until everyone leaves you alone." 

Way, way more than Jeremy would like. 

"I'm not being aloof." Jeremy groaned. "I'm being reasonable." 

"Right." 

Michael dropped the conversation, wordlessly holding out the blunt to Jeremy. 

— 

"Stop giving him the cold shoulder, Jere." 

Jeremy leaned against the counter in his kitchen, stirring his coffee way more times than necessary. He had his phone pressed to his ear. 

"Christine, I'm not giving anyone the cold shoulder." He said, groaning. "Why are you calling me this early on a weekend?" 

"It's noon." Christine's voice was muffled through the hair between his phone and his ear. "And you're so doing that. Rich told me that Jake's been positively wallowing in his text messages." 

"Oh my god." Jeremy let his head hit the cupboards, shifting his phone to his hand. "Why does everyone seem to think I'm being cold or something?" 

"Because you are! You're making it seem like you haven't been pining after him for like, the last two decades of your life." 

"That's so unfair. I didn't even talk to him for the past decade."

"Hence pining ." Christine said, ever the dramatic. "You're acting like a total ass."

"We broke up for a reason, Chris." It was too early to worry about stupid coworkers and their stupid colognes that lingered in his stupid office for days. 

"A reason you won't tell any of us." Christine had a point. "Just- at least try not to be a dick." 

— 

Jeremy Heere wasn't good at not being a dick. Well, he tried. But when it came to matters of the heart, he'd fucked every relationship up pretty royally. 

He'd dated Brooke Lohst in his sophomore year. Or, well, she'd asked him, and he hadn't exactly said no. He wasn't into her past the fact that she was pretty and, again, interested in him. That didn't happen often. Then he'd realized he didn't, in fact, like her. He didn't even get the chance to break up with her, though, before someone decided to blab to her some rumor about him and Chloe Valentine going upstairs at a party. Which was a lie. It was more that Chloe dragged him up the stairs. 

Either way, he'd ruined that. 

Christine, miraculously, dated him in the beginning of junior year. They'd done plays together, and they were surprisingly good together. And then Jeremy had to go and fuck it all up by being a terrible boyfriend and getting a crush on someone entirely different. Sure, they were on good terms now, but he doubted she liked him very much for at least a few months after. 

Then came Jake. Stupid, charming Jake, all grins and warm hands. Jeremy hadn't even figured Jake would give him the time of day, much less a date. One date turned into two, then three, then a year and a half of solid dating. They'd been good together. Their friends all agreed on that. Jeremy had agreed on that. 

Except Jeremy hadn't been the best then. Mentally, that is. He was… well. He wasn't planning on a whole lot of much.

He'd broken up with Jake on his last day at home. He hadn't meant to leave it to the last minute, really. But some part of him needed to know that Jake was still there. Until the bitter end. 

He'd done it, standing on Jake's doorstep. Said he needed space, that he needed to be alone, that Jake was good but he couldn't be with him anymore. 

Jake had only turned away from him and shut himself inside his apartment. 

Jeremy bolted before he could let Jake see him cry. 

He'd intended on not being there to catch the fallout. Not being in the same state, or not being on the earth. He hadn't cared which. 

Then he kept postponing it. He traveled through college in a haze. He got a girl pregnant. 

April was nice enough. She was pretty, way out of Jeremy's league. But they had been in the same major, and she'd thought he was attractive. Brooding, she'd said. He didn't tell her it was depression. 

She figured it out soon enough, when she mentioned being pregnant. Jeremy wasn't expecting any of it. Helping her through it. Skipping classes to take care of her. It was his responsibility, he figured. 

It gave him something else to do other than think about how he wanted to die. 

Eight and a half months later, Jeremy's finger was held by a wailing baby, and he promised to push through. For that kid. 

And he hadn't dated since. It was depressing, but true. His hands were full with Will, and with school, and with everything else on his mind. He’d gone on a few dates, which he’d managed to ruin in one way or another. Too awkward, too nerdy, too flaky, too insecure. And even after all that, he sometimes found himself thinking about Jake. 

Jake had been, by far, the best match for him. Jake pulled him out of his shell, doubled back for him when he fell, coaxed his feelings out more than Michael, even. They'd been stupid teenagers, but Jeremy liked the way his life felt when they were together. 

He chalked it up to nostalgia. Everyone pined after the one that got away. 

And this was his fault. 

—

Jake cornered him in the teachers parking lot. 

"Stop avoiding me." 

Jeremy nearly dropped his keys, cursing softly. "I'm not-" 

"You are." Jake had that stupid annoyed look on his face that Jeremy had loved to kiss away. He shoved that down. Sixteen years. He'd changed a lot in sixteen years. 

Clearly, not enough. 

"You've been avoiding me, and it's- it's annoying." Did Jeremy just make Jake stutter? "Just- tell me you don't want to talk to me, and I'll leave you alone. You know I'm bad at these sort of things." 

Jeremy resisted the urge to say what he wanted to say. Yes, I do, and the fact that I still feel like I know you terrifies me. "I- I just-" 

"And if you do want to talk to me, I'm going to ask you to coffee." 

What? 

"To catch up, I mean." 

Jake had the tact to look embarrassed with himself, which was kind of adorable. 

"I- alright." 

—

The coffee in Jeremy's cup tasted like sludge. New coffee shops in town never did it well. And then he realized how old that made him sound and shut that thought down. 

"This coffee tastes like shit." Jake commented, clearly not caring about appearances. 

Jeremy was surprised into a snort of laughter, before hiding it. "It does, yeah." 

This was awkward. Jeremy wanted to bolt. Like an anxious child. He held his ground, and his coffee cup, tightly. 

"Look, Jere, I-" Jake started, before clearing his throat. "Jeremy." He settled on. 

Jeremy couldn't help the twist in his stomach at the removal of the nickname. He shouldn't feel like that. He'd ruined it all, and Jake was going to remember that and hate him forever. 

"We… ended on pretty bad terms, huh?" Jake said, staring down at his mug. As if ashamed. "I thought you never wanted to speak with me ever again." 

Jeremy winced. "I- was not the best then. Mentally, I mean." He didn't know why he was admitting this. Even after all these years, Jake was very good at getting him to open up. It was infuriating. He didn’t even try to, he just- was so easy to talk to. "You weren't bad, at all. You were- too good, actually." 

"I know." It wasn't cocky, or arrogant, or anything Jeremy expected. It was gentle and soft and sweet. And totally undeserved. "I wasn't, really. But I know you thought that." 

That made Jeremy pause. "I'm sorry." 

"Don't do that." 

Jeremy looked up at him, hesitating for a moment. "You're more… adult." 

"I would sure as hell hope so, at thirty-five." Clearly, not that much more adult. Jake's grin was still as horribly young and earnest. 

Jeremy couldn't help but smile back. And he let himself relax, just a little. 

— 

They settled into an easy, if awkward, sort of friendship. They smiled at each other in the halls. Jake visited his office on his free periods. They didn't speak about any of their past, not really. 

As always, Will was nosy. He showed up in the middle of a period, standing in Jeremy's office door. 

"You're into him!" He said, grinning like he'd just gotten his dad to let him do something particularly reckless. 

"You're supposed to be in class, Will. Ms. Keenan won't be happy that you're skipping. Again." Jeremy scolded, ignoring the fact that his son was definitely not supposed to be talking to him so casually at school. Especially not about, presumably, his love life. He'd given up on being a harsh parent years ago. 

"I told her I'm going to the bathroom. Dad, I told you you would like him." Will sounded proud of himself. 

Jeremy groaned, running his fingers through his hair. "Jake and I are friends." 

"Jake, is it?" Will said with a wolfish grin. "Come on, you never let me do this, what's different?" 

"Nothing is different, stop trying to meddle in my love life." Jeremy tried to ignore the fact that he was probably right. "You're my son. Isn't it weird for you to want me to date?"

"You're happier than I've ever seen you. I caught you smiling. You never do that." Will said with a huff. He folded his arms, bracelets jingling softly. "And the only thing different is the fact that you're talking to him. So, therefore-"

"Go to class, Will." Jeremy said, raising his eyebrows at him. 

Will, surprisingly, went. 

— 

He was right, of course. Jeremy found himself being all awkward and flustered. He hadn't been like this in ages. 

Will was always trying to get him to date. He'd started when he was young, trying to matchmake Jeremy and the single mothers in the area. Then, when he realized his father didn't exactly care about the gender, the single fathers, as well. 

It was sweet, but Jeremy had been set. He wasn't going to do that again. He was fine with his friends, and his son, and his job, and he wouldn't need to date or flirt or anything like that. 

But it was so easy, with Jake. He caught himself flirting despite everything telling him not to. His stomach flipped and his heart pounded and he was, for lack of a better word, crushing on him. 

Again.

It was as if the sixteen years apart hadn't even meant anything. Jeremy's stupid heart had other ideas. 

He felt like he was too old for this sort of thing. He also felt way too young. One of the things that being a father at eighteen did to a guy was make him grow up way too fast, and stop him from growing up at all. 

It was confusing. He was an adult, with a job, and a kid, but his high school ex still left him reeling like a lovesick teenager. 

They ended up, for lack of a better term, hanging out. Sitting in each other’s offices, grabbing lunch on their breaks. Jake bought him coffee in the mornings on more than one occasion, which made Jeremy feel simultaneously flustered and honoured that Jake had remembered something as trivial as his coffee order. 

It was only part way through getting dinner with Jake that Jeremy realized something. 

"This is a date." He said, out loud, interrupting Jake mid sentence. 

Jake blinked at him, all dark lashes and green eyes. "Did you not know that?" He said, sounding like he was terrified that he'd made a huge mistake. 

"No, no, it's fine, it's just-" Now his sweater with its frayed holes in the cuffs, felt like the wrong thing to be wearing. "I wish you'd given me some warning, Jake." He kicked him under the table, lightly. 

Jake laughed. Jeremy wanted to do that more often.

The sweater didn't matter. Dinner turned to coffee, which turned into drinks, which turned into clothes on the floor. Jeremy had a vague thought about how he'd been stupid to be so worried about the stupid thing, since it spent maybe a few hours on him before ending up in a heap on Jake's rug.

It was surprisingly easy to slip back into their old ways. Neither of them were as young as they had been, but that didn't stop them from trying. 

It was as awkward as it had been before, when they were both insecure and young and inexperienced. But like they had then, they laughed it off, and Jeremy felt that odd sort of flutter in his chest. 

As far as Jeremy could remember, Jake wasn't great at details. He was more of the big picture sort of guy. However, that clearly didn't extend to details of what his partners liked in the bedroom. He still seemed to remember everything. 

Jeremy found himself knowing more than he'd realized he had remembered. His hands moved of their own accord, as if waking up the muscle memory of over a decade ago. It wasn’t easy, but it was familiar, awkward in the way that it usually had been. Jeremy did his best to keep it together, all the time, but something about Jake’s lips on his neck and collarbone and shoulder bone made him unravel.

It was only when he found himself tucked into Jake's chest, feeling warm and safe for the first time in a long time, that he let himself fall apart, just a little. 

— 

“You left me.” Jake murmured, his words warm on the skin of Jeremy’s neck. “I mean- like, honest-to-God left. Moved away and never talked to me again.” 

Jeremy thought for a moment that this was the kind of conversation he shouldn’t be having when he wasn’t properly clothed, but he didn’t feel like leaving the cocoon of warmth made by the blankets of Jake’s bed. “I’m so sorry.” He murmured, his fingers curling in Jake’s hair. It was soft, and smelled like aloe and eucalyptus and a million other herbs he didn’t recognize. 

“I know you are, and I know- I know why, but….” Jake’s breath huffed softly, making the hair on Jeremy’s neck stand up. “You could’ve- given me a better reason. Or… Or talked to me. Or something.” The words were filled with the longing and pain Jeremy had known he’d cause Jake by leaving. He had been aware of Jake’s relationship with his parents, and he’d still left him behind.

“I know.” Jeremy felt like crying, just a little. “I was just- I was so tired. Of everything. Not- not of you, exactly, but I just felt…” He trailed off, trying to remember his thought process. He didn’t really like thinking about how he was at eighteen. “Exhausted. And I didn’t want you to think- I don’t know, Jake. I was so out of it when we broke up.” 

“What if…” Jake’s voice was quiet. “What if we never had?”

Jeremy wondered about that, too. If him and Jake had never broken up. “I don’t know.” He said, nestling his chin in Jake’s hair, his eyes closing. “Maybe- Maybe we'd still be like this. Or something would’ve happened. I… I really don’t know.” 

“I guess I just have to be happy with having you here. And now.” Jake’s lips brushed his jaw. 

“And I’ll have to get used to your beard now.” Jeremy tried to lighten the mood, and felt proud of himself when the rumble of Jake’s laughter resonated in his chest. 

“You’ll have a lot of time to get used to it. Promise.” 

—

If Will suspected anything, he kept his mouth shut. Of course, Jeremy was reasonably sure that he was just bursting with the idea of holding this information over Jeremy's head, but he tried his best to avoid the topic at all times. 

Work was only vaguely distracting. Jeremy could do his best to teach his students, grade their papers, without getting his personal life in the way. He'd done it for years. However, he couldn't help a little skip in his heartbeat at the mention of Jake, or feel his head spin when his path took him a little closer to the gym than was probably necessary. 

Jeremy wasn't sure what him and Jake were. He guessed that them being adults meant that they didn't need to use labels or be called boyfriends or dating or… or maybe that meant that they slept together, so were already dating, and that teens were the stupid ones who felt the need to ask, or… Jeremy had no idea. He hadn't dated anyone seriously in almost two decades. He'd been on two second dates, total, since high school. And Jake hadn’t taken him out, or kissed him, or done anything more since they’d hooked up. Did Jake not want to continue that? Was it a fluke? Fuck, Jeremy was so bad at this. 

The answer came sooner than he’d hoped. It was the end of a school day, a cool, crisp Friday. Jeremy was packing his bag to leave, Will draped over his desk chair. And Jake, in all his rumpled, gym teacher glory, pushed open the door. 

Will sat up properly, staring at Jake in the doorway, who stared back. Clearly, neither of them had expected the other to be there. 

Jeremy cleared his throat, trying to recover the situation. “Jake! What do you- need?” He had no cover for them. He didn’t have any papers, or trinkets, or anything like that. Nothing that could serve as a reason for Jake visiting his office. 

“I- never mind, it’s nothing.” Clearly, Jake didn’t have an excuse either. 

“Come to dinner.” Will spoke up, spinning slightly in the desk chair, barely looking up from his phone. 

“Will, you can’t just- I’m sure he has- things to do, or-” Jeremy felt his face going bright red. He didn’t know why Will seemed deadset on embarrassing him. 

“I’d love to. I mean- if you’re okay with that, Jere.” Jake took it all in stride, which made Jeremy think about kissing him again. 

“Jere, is it?” Will muttered, looking over at Jeremy with the face that screamed ‘you need to explain things, young man,’ which was ridiculous. 

Jeremy did his best to ignore his son. “You really don’t have to come, if you don’t- I mean- if you have things to do, or- or something-” 

“I’d like to come to dinner.” Jake said, folding his arms. Jeremy did his best not to look at them too hard. Goddamn it. But that meant looking at Jake's face, and his stupid tiny grin, and that was somehow more flustering.

“Okay. Yeah. Uh. Right.” 

—

Having his ex-turned-maybe-not-so-ex-boyfriend and his son sitting in his living room was incredibly strange. Jeremy hadn’t been expecting guests, but he’d actually planned on cooking dinner, so that was fine. He was, however, more mad at Will for inviting someone over without notice. Nevermind that it was fucking Jake Dillinger. 

Jake was being annoyingly sweet, asking over and over if he needed help with cooking, or with the dishes, or with cleaning, and Jeremy was going to end up dumping the pan of vegetables all over himself if Jake kept being that goddamn nice. 

He’d managed to shoo Jake away from the kitchen, only to realize that meant that he had now just abandoned Jake to Will. 

Jeremy adored his son. Of course he did. He’d been with him since he was a literal newborn, and it was usually only them. Which meant, of course, that Jeremy was mildly concerned that Will would, as usual, come on a little too strong. It wasn’t that Will meant to, but- Jeremy needed Jake to like Will. He needed them to like each other, so badly. If Jake was going to stay, then he needed to like his son.

Wait, now he was thinking about Jake staying. About all the sappy shit, like waking up next to him and holding his hands in parking lots and cooking with him and- Okay, Heere, too fast, dial it back. He’d waited years for this. He could wait a little longer. 

He moved towards the doorway, hesitating when he heard their conversation. 

“-I’m not planning on taking anything from you, okay?” Jake’s voice was quiet, if a little awkward. It was sweet. “And I promise that I’m not intending on doing anything- you know- bad.” 

“I know that. But he’s- you know what he’s like.” Jeremy felt indignant for a moment. Was his son trash talking him to his boyfriend? “He- he feels so much, you know?”

“I- yeah. I know. But I’m going to try my best to make it feel good- oh, god.” 

“Ewww. Nope, this conversation’s done, I’m going to go-” 

“That isn’t what I- oh my god. I’m so sorry, Will.” 

“You can continue to date him as long as you never say anything like that ever again.” 

“Deal.” 

Jeremy sidled in the doorway, taking in the scene. Jake was on the couch, all flushed and embarrassed in his adorably mussed polo shirt and rumpled hair, like he’d been tugging his fingers through it. Will had draped himself over his usual chair, not seeming to care about being polite or nice in his own home. And Jeremy felt an odd sort of warmth in his chest, seeing them both there, together, and not at each other’s throats. 

“Dinner’s ready.” He said, and he couldn’t help a dorky smile on his face. 

Jeremy had been paranoid for no reason. Conversation was easy, with the two of them there, keeping him from getting too into his own head. After dinner that night, and after a solid bottle of wine- he’d even let Will drink a little, because he wasn’t that much of a prude when it came to his kid- Jake said goodbye, even having the confidence to kiss Jeremy gently goodbye. 

Will stood there, arms folded. 

“I like him.” He said, finally. Jeremy felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “Oh my god, Dad, don’t look at me like I just saved a whole horde of drowning children, I just said I liked your boyfriend.”

“Your opinion matters to me!” Jeremy protested, ruffling Will’s hair like he used to when he was little. “I’m not dating a guy you don’t like. Or who doesn’t like you. Promise.”

“You’d better not.” Will tossed his hair like an old model show diva, grinning widely despite himself. “But seriously. I like him.” 

“Good. When are you going to introduce me to your boyfriend-”

“Never, he’s not my boyfriend, okay, bye!” 

Jeremy watched his son disappear up the stairs, laughing softly to himself. 

— 

Jake ended up at their house a lot more after that. It happened slowly, but a month or two later, Jeremy realized that Jake had a key to their house, a place to sleep, and a drawer in Jeremy’s dresser. He’d sat there while Jake and Will played Mario Kart, grading papers and smiling softly at the chaos around him. 

Jake leaned against him, just enough that he felt the warmth, but light enough that he wasn’t messing up any of Jeremy’s student’s papers. It was good to feel nice and calm and loved. To know that he could fall into bed with someone that cared about him, and that he had a job he liked and a son he loved and that things were good. 

Jeremy watched Jake, and his stupid long nose and his swooping brown hair and his shining green eyes, focused so wholly on the game that he almost seemed to forget that Jeremy or Will actually existed, and his stomach flipped in his gut like a high schooler seeing their prom date. 

He hadn’t been upset before, not exactly. But he couldn’t help but feel that he’d been missing a piece of himself, of his personality, of his livelihood. And Jake, back in his life, with his easy smiles and warm hugs and rough hands and the way he laughed, made him feel complete. Or at least above normal working order. And that was all he could really ask for.