Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“We’re here.”

Hyunjin looked out the window, taking a glance at the old rundown building in front of him. It looked empty, & so did the other houses & buildings around. He let Chan talk with the driver & stepped out. He could see the small figures of a few people, a little far from them, walking around aimlessly. He cluelessly looked around the place, trying to remember what he had forgotten. He could hear Chan talking behind him, someone who had picked him up from the military hospital this morning claiming they were friends. Hyunjin believed him. Because he didn’t have a reason not to. Besides, Chan looked like a kind person.

“Unhappy?” Chan asked, dismissing the driver with a few extra coins.

Hyunjin looked back at the older man a little confused. “Why would I be?”

A small smile curled up on Chan’s lips. He stared at the boy in front of him. The boy who was once full of life. The boy whose smile always rivaled the sun. The boy who had a dream bigger than the universe.

“You kinda hated this place before.” Chan looked up at the old building, then around before his gaze settled on a small shadow of a two-storied house a little far from where they were standing. “You hated this neighborhood.”

Hyunjin followed his gaze, & found a small house about ten to fifteen minutes distance from there. It was true, that this neighborhood looked sketchy & shady. But so did the others. The war had turned this country into a depressing piece of land. Wherever he looked, he could only see ruins, bloodstains, burnt forests & dead bodies. It looked like a painting drawn by some colorblind artists, who could only see shades of black, grey & white.

Black ruin of the buildings.

Grey people.

White deaths.

It suffocated him; the smell of gunpowder, mixed with the smell of the dead. It suffocated him to be surrounded by people who were counting the last few seconds of their life; begging for someone to save them, crying to see their family, who were most probably dead, for one last time.

But here, away from the city of death, he could finally breathe. Though this place also looked black & grey, it felt like home. It felt peaceful. He wondered why would he ever hate the place that made him feel safe.

“We have six other friends. We all live together.” Chan explained as they walked down the narrow path that led them outside the city. He wanted to alert the clueless boy about the crowd in their home.

“Do I know them?” Hyunjin looked at Chan, watching the wry smile once again crawl up at the elder’s lips.

“You used to.” Chan smiled, “We all grew up together.” Chan always felt warm at their memories. It was undoubtedly tough for them, eight orphans fighting against the world to survive. But they never strayed away. They were always together, until-

Until one of them wasn’t with them anymore.

“It can be a little hard.” Chan continued as they stopped in front of the house, feeling worried all of a sudden. “The kids… they might react a little harshly…” Chan knew they would.

Hyunjin looked at the older in question.

“You’ve been away for a little longer than we liked.” Chan patted the boy’s head, “But no matter what, never forget how much they love you. They will come around pretty soon.”

Hyunjin looked like a child, trying to make sense of what Chan was saying, He looked conflicted if he should believe the older man or not. In the end, he nodded. He had no reason not to believe the man who saved him from the dead city.

Chan let out a small sigh of relief, & patted the boy’s head gently. He really wasn’t lying when he said they still loved Hyunjin. Every single of them still loved the boy. But with pain & grief now in their hearts, it was harder to accept back the missing piece of their life, even though they wanted nothing more than to hold onto the pieces that Hyunjin had left behind a year ago.

It was gonna take time. But Chan knew they could once again be happy. They could once again be Eight.

“Did hyung tell anyone when he’s coming back?” Jisung asked, looking around the room for an answer. His radio hadn’t been working since this morning. He tried to fix it but didn’t have any luck on that.

“Nope. He said something about visiting a camp in the city.” Minho replied, eyes attentively stuck on the vegetable he was chopping.

Others shared a look. Minho wasn’t happy. They lost the war a year ago. With their country, they lost their freedom & pieces of themselves that they could never retrieve back. And he hated that they had no other choice but to accept that. Accept the help from their enemies & live under their fake care.

He hated when Chan got the job in the main city. Not like he didn't get one. He got a job in a local newspaper that started just a few months ago. His main job was to type the news that he tried to ignore. But to live, they needed food & money. And for that, unfortunately, they had to work under the new government. As much as he hated those people for ruining their country, he had no other choices at the moment. But once choice he had & he took that. He took the night shift to make sure he’d have to meet fewer people from the new government.

It did come with a risk. There was still the news of innocent people getting killed, & left here & there in the dark of the night, only to be the meal of the starving dogs. The others were worried about him, but he was unwilling to change his shift. Later, Jisung also joined him as a cleaner for the night shift, cleaning the waste & inks after work.

A few days later, Seungmin got a job in a post office as a delivery man.  Changbin used to work as an hourly laborer but recently got a job in a clock shop; repairing old & damaged watches. A week ago, Felix got fired from his waiter job, for breaking glasses. He was now looking for another job. Jeongin was looking into a hatter’s shop recently. Still in the training period.

And, Chan. He worked in the military camp. As a nurse. Treating & caring for people he shouldn’t. Sometimes they made him bury the unclaimed bodies as well.

Even after that, Chan still kept going back. He was still looking for someone. And, today was their off day. But still, Chan went to the camp to submit the list of the dead that he made yesterday.

Minho was almost done with the lunch when Chan came back. Hearing the knocks on the front door, Felix walked up to open the door with a big grin on his face. But the grin was wiped off as soon as he saw the tall male standing behind Chan, looking back at him with wide curious eyes.

“H-hyunjin…” Felix breathed, unable to believe his eyes. Hyunjin wasn’t supposed to be here!

“What happened, Lix?” Changbin walked closer, watching Felix holding onto the door like a statue. “Why are you blocki-” His words died out in his throat when he saw Hyunjin.

Chan smiled encouragingly, & gently pushed the open when he realized that those two weren’t gonna move on their own. At least not now.

With one last glance at Changbin & Felix, he clasped Hyunjin’s hand tighter & walked inside the flat. They followed the sound of their other friends. He was nervous. He was downright scared. But there was no turning back now. Not when he found Hyunjin again.

Jisung & Jeongin was sitting on the floor, bickering about something unimportant. Seungmin was on the old couch, still reading the book he found in a ruined library three days ago. Minho was in the kitchen, with his back to Chan.

As soon as the trio in the living room noticed his presence, they looked up to greet him. But not a single word came out from their lips. There were different emotions painted on their faces just at the sight of Hyunjin.

Disbelief.

Surprise.

Betrayal.

Anger.

Longing.

“What is he doing here?” Jisung was already on his feet, charging at the clueless male behind Chan. “What the fuck is he doing here?!” He shouted out, causing Hyunjin to flinch in fear & clutch Chan’s hand tight.

“Jisung-”

Chan tried to stop him, but Jisung wasn’t listening. His yelling had caused Minho to run out of the kitchen. Changbin & Felix also hurried to the scene, holding each other’s hands to ground themselves. Minho looked like his life had left him. He couldn’t look away from Hyunjin, who was now hiding behind Chan, shaking like a leaf.

“What is he doing here Chan?” Minho’s voice was cold, eyes enraged.

Chan smiled at him. “I’ve brought Hyunjin back home.”

Minho sucked in a deep breath. Eyes burning with tears of rage & frustration.

“Hyunjin is dead, hyung.” He looked straight at Hyunjin whose tearful eyes were wide, lips parted in disbelief. Minho watched with sick satisfaction as a single tear rolled down from the boy’s eyes as he said the next words.

“Hyunjin had died a year ago.”

Chapter Text

“What-what do you mean by he doesn’t-” Jeongin choked up, unable to say the last part. He looked at the room where Hyunjin was at the moment, most probably hiding behind the door; listening to them. No- Hyunjin wasn’t the one to eavesdrop. He never liked to breach others’ privacy. Was he still like that?

Chan followed the younger’s gaze. “He didn’t even know his name when I found him. He had no idea who I was. He had been living in that camp for a year now, without an identity.” Hyunjin looked like a lost kid, looking up at him with hundreds of questions under the burnt tree.

“And you decided to bring the dead alive?” Minho snorted, visibly upset. He wanted drag Hyunjin out of their place the moment he saw him. But the fear in those eyes, the vulnerability screaming in his weak child-like posture… Minho was still weak for him even after everything. They all were. But their Hyunjin was dead. He died the day he left them. There was no in-between. “He has no place here.”

Chan stared at Minho for a few seconds, then looked around the room finding the few of them nodding along, and a few just silently staring down. His heart ached, not understanding how they became like this. He could tell every single of them loved Hyunjin. He had seen Minho serving eight bowls of rice, then silently taking one away remembering Hyunjin wasn’t with them. Changbin couldn’t even look at Hyunjin’s door without getting teared up. Jisung would often spend an hour or two in Hyunjin’s empty room when he thought everyone was sleeping. Felix still hadn’t taken off the matching ring Hyunjin got them. Seungmin still had the book Hyunjin gave him on his birthday under his pillow. Jeongin still cried in his sleep, calling out to Hyunjin desperately in his sleep.

Yet, when Hyunjin was back they didn’t want to accept him. What had happened to the family that circled around Hyunjin, functioning on the boy’s kindness?

“Do you remember the times when we fucked up? Hurt him?” Chan looked at Jisung, who looked up at him with wide shaky eyes. “Do you not remember he was the first one to sacrifice when it came to our youngest ones?” Seungmin looked away. Joengin clenched his hands, trying to stop his tears. “Did you forget he even agreed to go to the war in exchange for some money? Because Felix was sick?” Felix was already crying. “Or, did you forget that he was the one who found us?”

Changbin shook his head. He’d never forget that seven years old Hyunjin, running around the streets holding his hand, telling everyone that he had a family. They weren’t orphans.

“I do remember hyung.” Minho clenched his teeth. “I do remember he was the one who told me that it was okay to run away from my stepmother. I do remember he gave me you guys… my new family. I also remember him taking the beating from the old bakery because he wanted you to escape first with the food.” He was struggling hard not to cry.

“But that doesn’t mean we’ll forget what he had done! Just because he made this family, he didn’t get to ruin it, hyung.”

Chan pressed his lips in a tight line. Eyes sparkling with tears. “He doesn’t remember any of it, Minho.”

“But we still do, hyung,” Seungmin spoke up, wiping away the stray tear with the back of his hand. “The memories are still vivid in my mind. The wound is still there… Hurting & bleeding. You have them too. But unlike you, we can’t forget them just like we couldn’t forget his kindness.”

“He can’t stay here, hyung. He’s not a family, not anymore.” Jisung pleaded. They were finally getting better. They were close to forgiving Hyunjin because they accepted that he was dead. But seeing him in flesh & blood, clueless of the pain he had caused was the wake-up call for him. He still hated Hyunjin.

“It’s unfair for him to forget everything while we are still here, trying to close the wound & failing every time.” Changbin looked at the door, wishing to go back to where they were a year ago.

Chan let out a shaky sigh. They were right. Hyunjin had no right to hurt them like this. He nodded as a few drops of tears escaped from his eyes. He stood up from the chair, & slowly walked closer to Hyunjin’s room. He tried to collect himself, before facing the boy. With one deep breath, he grabbed the knob.

“But…. Is it fair,” He suddenly spoke up with his back to others, “to punish someone for the things he doesn’t remember?”

Chan didn’t wait to hear anything after that. He didn’t even look back.

Hiding in the dark of his room, Hyunjin pulled off the gloves from his hands, the ones Dr. Lee had given him after he woke up. He sighed at the difference. One was a little sweaty, while the other…

They shined under the moonlight; the grey metals that had replaced his right hand. He fisted the hand, watching solemnly as the wires & strings around the metals pulled his artificial fingers close. Ever since he woke up, he always wondered how the doctors pulled this off. He’d spent hours in his bed or under the dead tree near the camp, watching how the small little machines worked every time he moved his hand. He wondered why he… a normal civilian was given such expensive treatment.

“I have seen enough deaths. Deaths in war, deaths after the war, and suicides. Try to not be one of them.”

Hyunjin didn’t know what to live for. He didn’t know what to die for. He didn’t remember anything from his past. He didn’t know his name. He didn’t know where to go until Chan found him under the burnt cherry blossom tree. Chan called him Hyunjin. Chan brought him here, back to people who apparently knew him enough to look shell-shocked when they saw him in front of their door.

They thought he had died, which made sense. Chan told him that he had gone missing for a year.

Back in the camp, he had seen a few found by their family. They looked relieved & happy that time. But, Hyunjin didn’t see that emotion on his friends’ faces when they met again. Only Chan cried back in the camp, repeatedly telling him how happy he was to find Hyunjin again. He looked genuinely happy. Unlike the others.

He could hear them arguing outside. He could hear them talking about him. He tried to tune them out. But the voices slowly got louder. They weren’t happy. They didn’t want him here. Chan did warn him about that. He mentioned about harsh treatment he might get. But he also promised that it was gonna be okay.

Maybe tomorrow? Maybe the day after tomorrow? Maybe one day they’d accept him back. He’d have to believe Chan.

“Did you also forget your manners while eating food?”

Hyunjin timidly looked up at Minho, who was glaring at his gloved hand. He looked around the table & noticed everyone had their gloves off. He guessed they wanted him to do that. He didn’t know about it because back in the camp they always made him wear gloves, not wanting to scare the children. His right hand did look a little scary. Almost like a burnt skeleton.

He bit his lips, contemplating if he should take them off. He didn’t want to scare them. The ones who were close to him. But Minho’s glare & Jisung’s little kick under the table made him shake off those fears. Chan did say they loved him. Loving meant accepting, right? Besides, today or tomorrow they’d find out.

“Did you not hear what hyung said?” Jisung glared at him. So did Changbin.

Chan looked like was about to scold those two. So, he nodded immediately, not wanting to drag the matter. He pulled off the glove from his left hand first, trying to take a little more time to muster up the courage. But it wasn’t enough. He realized his hands were shaking from nervousness as his left hand reached out for the other hand. With his thumb & index finger, he pinched the top of the glove of his other hand. With one last deep breath, he pulled it off, revealing his skeleton-like metal hand.

They were multiple gasps around him. But he couldn’t look up to see their faces. He didn’t dare to. He was afraid of seeing the look of disgust & fear on their faces. He furiously blinked his eyes, trying to push back the tears that were trying to come out. Instead, he wrapped his fingers around the silver spoon, making a clinking sound with his metal fingers clashing with the spoon. The sound wasn’t that loud. But the whole table going silent around him made the sound in his ear louder than he wanted. He hated it.

He held the spoon tight and pulled it up; taking a sip of the heavenly soup that Minho served him. It was still warm and tasted heavy on his tongue. It felt like home. But unfortunately, the others didn’t feel the same. There was a loud screech of a chair on the opposite & hasty footsteps leaving the table right after that. Someone just left the table. A few others followed the first person in the next second. Then left the others, except Chan.

Silence brewed between them. Hyunjin felt suffocated. A sob was wrecking its way out of him, shaking his whole body. Just then the same pair of arms that held him under the burnt cherry blossom tree, held him again. He couldn’t stop it anymore. He let out a silent sob in Chan’s warm embrace. He just sat there, crying, letting Chan hold onto the broken pieces of his heart.

But he knew that this time he wasn’t crying alone. Chan was also with him.

Chapter Text

“Yes?” A lady in her mid-fifty peeked through the small gap in the door & the frame; half of her body was still hidden behind.

“Hello, ma’am. There’s a letter addressed to Mrs. Jung.” Seungmin held out the letter assuming the lady was the recipient. He wasn’t wrong. The lady looked a little confused as if she wasn’t expecting one. With a small frown marring her face, she took the letter. Soon the confusion melted away from her face, & was replaced by a knowing smile. A faint one.

Seungmin coughed to get her attention. “I’ll be going then.” He put on a formal smile, & bowed a little. “Have a nice da-”

“Can you wait for a little while?” She asked all of a sudden, “I’m gonna write a reply to this one. Can you please post it for me?” She requested with hope dancing in her eyes.

Seungmin hesitated. This wasn’t in his job description. Besides, he had other letters to deliver by today. Reading the letter & writing would take time. He might get late for that.

“I’m sorry for asking you this. It’s kind of hard for me to walk to the post office, & my son isn’t around either. I promise it won’t take too long.” Mrs. Jung requested again.

Seungmin let out a small sigh, & nodded.

He looked around the house, not knowing what else to do. Mrs. Jung had left him alone in the drawing room a while ago with a cup of tea & biscuits. The house was quite neat & clean, which he didn’t expect when he first walked inside. Another thing that caught his eye was the number of photos around the place. It was a family of three; Mrs. Jung with her husband & son. Though most of them were of her son; a young man in his early or mid-twenties.

Seungmin wondered if Mrs. Jung’s son worked in another city.

“I hope I didn’t make you wait too long.” Mrs. Jung smiled apologetically, holding out another vanilla envelope for Seungmin.

He shook his head, taking the letter. “It’s okay. Please don’t worry about it. I’ll make sure to post it by today.

She smiled at that.

Seungmin should’ve left as soon as he took the letter. But he found himself still sitting on the couch, nervously biting his lips, wondering if it was okay to ask. The moment he walked in, so many questions made home in his mind. But the thing was, he didn’t want to be rude. Nor did he want to cross the boundary. He couldn’t just ask anyone about their-

“Do you want to say something?” Mrs. Jung asked with a motherly smile on her face. She might have noticed Seungmin’s hesitation.

Seungmin bit his lips harder. “I’m sorry. But I-” He looked down at his hands, not knowing if it was really okay to ask. He stared down at his hands, made of flesh & blood. Unlike Hyunjin’s right one. His grip on the envelope tightened a little remembering Hyunjin using his new robotic arm to hold the spoon. The small but loud sound of metal clashing metal was still ringing inside his head, forcing him to think of unwelcomed thoughts & scenarios where Hyunjin didn’t even have a robot arm, where Hyunjin was in pain, holding on to the grief of losing a part of his body. Seungmin still didn’t know how it happened. He didn’t ask Chan. And, he still didn’t talk with Hyunjin.

But his imagination was enough for him to wrench his heart out from his chest. It hurt. For some reason, it still hurt when it came to Hyunjin’s pain.

“My- you… How did you…?” He found it hard to complete the whole question. His words were choking him, making him unable to stay strong.

“How did I lose my leg?”

Seungmin looked up, fearing he had offended the lady. That was the last thing he wanted to do. But to his surprise, Mrs. Jung didn’t look upset. She still had her smile, eyes still gentle as they stared back at Seungmin.

“I lost it during the war. I used to work in a medical camp near the military base on the north side of the city.” Her smile dimmed slightly as a hint of sadness wrapped around her gentle voice. “A few days before the war ended, there was an attack on the medical camp. They wanted to… kill the soldiers who were still recovering…”

Seungmin gulped. Knowing where it was going.

“I was helping another person to escape. He couldn’t walk properly due to a prior injury.” A wry smile curled up on her lips. “We couldn’t make it out unharmed. They dropped a bomb near us.”

She blinked her eyes, even after a year. She was still traumatized by that event.

“The next time when I woke up… I learned that I lost a leg in that bomb blast.”

Seungmin let out a shaky breath, trying his best to hold back his tears. “What about the man you were helping?”

She craned her neck to look at the photos hanging on her wall. Her eyes traveled from one to another. Then settled on a photo of her & her son; both were grinning while looking directly at the camera as her son hugged her from behind.

Seungmin held his breath, hoping what he was thinking wasn’t true. But he had forgotten for a moment that life was cruel. War was cruel. People were cruel.

“My son couldn’t make it. They found him dead.” Beads of tears slowly rolled down from her eyes, “They buried him before I woke up.”

“I’m sorry.” Seungmin looked down, feeling guilty for opening someone’s wound like that. “I’m sorry. I didn’t-”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. It’s been a year. I still can’t move on.” She smiled at Seungmin, “I got this leg recently.”

Seungmin heavily looked at the leg she was talking about. It was almost the same as Hyunjin. Made of metal.

“I’m still adjusting to it. I can’t walk for too long. But I should be able to improve with time they said.” She assured.

“Was it hard? To accept?” Seungmin asked. He wanted to know. He wanted to ask all the questions that he actually wanted to ask Hyunjin.

She nodded, “It was. It felt like I was better off dead.” She smiled sadly. “I had already lost my family, & then I also lost my ability to lead a normal life again. I didn’t see a point in living.”

Seungmin bit his lips. Did Hyunjin feel like that too? Did he also want to……

He didn’t, right? The voice inside his head asked him desperately. But he didn’t know the answer.

“But then, someone reached out to me. He told me to hang on. He told me to start anew. He told me to live for my family.” She looked at the letter in Seungmin’s hand. “He’s the doctor who helped me with my new body part. My son’s fiancé.” She looked up at Seungmin. “He’s the one who sent me that letter today.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Seungmin walked out of the post office, bidding farewell for the day to his coworkers. It was almost 5 of the evening as he walked down the path to the hatter’s shop. He watched the orphan kids still running around the roadside. Mr. Wang was preparing to open his night bar since office time was almost over. There was a new family in the empty house near the cobbler shop. They didn’t look familiar. He crossed the café where Felix used to work & snorted when he saw the poster for hiring. It had been stuck beside the café’s door ever since they had sacked Felix. The owner was a middle-aged man with a bad temper. No wonder he still didn’t find someone to replace Felix.

“Did you wait for too long?” Jeongin asked as soon as walked out of the shop.

Seungmin shook his head. Jeongin looked tired. There were visible eye bags under his eyes recently. Not that he didn’t have them before. It was just that recently they were more prominent. He didn’t even need to ask why. They all knew the reason.

“How was your day? Learned anything new?” He asked, looking straight forward as they, both now started walking back to their home.

Jeongin nodded even though he knew the other wasn’t looking at him. “Ms. Sophie taught me how to stitch the flowers today. It was a little hard to get the thread inside the needle with my bad eyesight though.” He chuckled, “But it was still fun.”

Seungmin smiled hearing the excitement in the younger’s voice. Jeongin really had been working hard with the hat things. Seungmin found it quite time-consuming & it took a lot of patience & creativity, which he never had. He was never one who liked working with crafts & stationaries. It was always Hyunjin & Jeongin. He could also say that Hyunjin had roped their youngest’s into crafting. So, when Jeongin had come back home a month ago with a big grin, yelling about getting a job in the hatter’s shop, no one was actually surprised. They always knew he’d like this type of job.

That also reminded him of another thing. Hyunjin liked to sketch. He’d always have a pad & a few pencils in his bag whenever he went out. There were at least ten pads full of sketches back in his room. He’d draw anything that caught his eye. He’d often draw the others. Minho would always tease Jisung saying how Hyunjin had drawn his sketch more than Jisung’s. It always managed to tick everyone off.

After years of complaining, Hyunjin had promised to draw each of them. He said he wouldn’t discriminate anymore.

With a heavy heart, Seungmin wondered if Hyunjin could still draw with that hand of his.

Hyunjin stared at his hand solemnly. He broke another pencil. It was the third one. He gently put the broken halves down with the others. He carefully turned the pages of the pad, looking at the sketches he had drawn before. He found this earlier under his bed, covered with dust. At first, he thought it belonged to someone else. He was about to bring it to Chan when he noticed that his name was signed under every sketch. He realized that it belonged to him. He used to draw.

After looking through the sketches, he decided to give it a try. Not because he felt like it. But because he wanted to know if he could still draw like how he used to. He wanted to see if a single second of his memories would come back to him.

But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t even hold the pencil without making it skip from his metal fingers in the very next second. Whenever he tried to grip it a little harder, it would break.

He closed the pad & put it back where had found it. He put the pencils back in the drawer.

Because he couldn’t do it. Not anymore.

Nothing would ever be the same as before.

But he wasn’t too sad because of it. Just a little disappointed.

He might never know how it felt to draw again.

Chapter Text

Seungmin had been on edge ever since he talked with Mrs. Jung. Every time he saw Hyunjin. his eyes would unconsciously fall on the older boy’s right hand. Hyunjin never took off his gloves again. He even made sure not to sit at the dining table after his first night here. Chan let him have his meal in his room. & Hyunjin also made sure not to bother them. Whenever he needed something, he’d go look for Chan with his eyes stubbornly stuck to his feet.

There was also a concerning rift between the eldest duo in their family. Minho & Chan weren’t talking to each other. They didn’t even fight with each other. Just after that night’s incident, they stopped talking without utter necessity. Others had been quite worried about that.

On top of that, Jisung was angry. But Seungmin didn’t know the exact reason anymore. He was literally snapping at every one of them at the smallest issue, which had upset Felix earlier & he decided to skip dinner. Which in turn added another thing to worry about.

Seungmin looked at the Hyunjin’s door & couldn’t help but think-

Only if you hadn’t left.

“What are you doing here alone?”

Felix didn’t have to look back to see who found him. He already knew from the voice. “Did Jisung send you again?” He threw a pebble on the lake, watching the ripple forming around it as soon as it hit the surface. “Why can’t he come to own his own for once?” He picked up another pebble as Hyunjin sat beside him.

“Why do you always assume that he sent me?” Hyunjin asked amused, watching the other throwing another pebble on the lake. “Can’t I come because I was worried?” he craned his neck to look at the pouty boy beside him.

“He was being mean again,” Felix complained making the pout on his lips got bigger.

“I saw Chan hyung scolding him for that,” Hyunjin informed, which caused Felix to look at him with wide eyes. Hyunjin smiled, knowing what was going on in the boy’s head. “He was feeling guilty for snapping at you.”

“And? That idiot just went to Chan hyung?! Didn’t he know he was gonna get scolded?!” Felix asked, suddenly all worried about Jisung. If he wanted to get Jisung scolded, he’d have gone to Chan or Minho himself. He just wanted both of them to take time & wear off their anger. Clearly, that idiot quokka didn’t get the hint.

“Well, as you just said, he’s an idiot.” Hyunjin mused, pulling his leg up to his chest. “And, you know his mouth runs before his brain can think. He’s scared that you won’t talk to him ever again.”

Felix shook his head, exasperated at Jisung’s overthinking. “That idiot. When did I ever held grudge against him? or, any of you?” With a sigh, he pushed up his weight on his leg & dusted his pant causing Hyunjin to look up at him in question.

He outstretched his hand to Hyunjin, “Let’s go. I can’t even stay mad at that idiot!”

A big smile curled up on Hyunjin’s lips at that & he reached to hold Felix’s hand. “Minho hyung made stew again.”

Felix snorted & pulled up Hyunjin to his feet. “To comfort the babies?” He knew well he & Jisung were the babies here.

Hyunjin intertwined their fingers, “To comfort the babies.” He grinned wide.

Felix woke up hungry & still upset. Unlike other days, he felt less motivated to start his day. He was sure Jisung was home. He didn’t want to face the older boy. At least not yet. But he couldn’t just stay in his room the whole day. The situation in their place was already messed up. He didn’t want to add more to that.

He freshened up as fast as he could in his & Jisung’s shared washroom & made his way to the dining place. Upon seeing no one around the house, he checked the time. 8:30 am. So, everyone was out on their job. And, Minho & Jisung were most probably sleeping since they had nightshift. Those two weren’t gonna wake up anytime soon, he assumed.

But then, who was in the kitchen so early in the morning?

Frowning in confusion, he decided to check. With cautious steps he inched closer to the kitchen, preparing himself to run back quietly if it was Jisung in there. But to his surprise, it was Hyunjin, who barely used to come out of his room. Felix stood near the door, silently watching the older boy doing something on the counter with his back to him. It had been eight days since Hyunjin came back, or more like Chan had brought him back. And, this was the fourth time Felix saw him. They barely crossed paths even though they both stayed under the same roof all day.

It wasn’t like he wanted to avoid the older boy. But he also didn’t want to reach out. He didn’t know what to say, or how should he react now that Hyunjin was back again. For the past few days, guilt had been chewing his heart out for reacting the way he did after seeing Hyunjin’s hand on the first day. He was startled. He was traumatized. He was upset. But not scared or disgusted. He just couldn’t take sight of Hyunjin-

He didn’t even want to think about it again. With a small sigh escaping from his lips, he decided to go back to his room & wait for the older boy to go back to his room. He didn’t want to face the past now when he had other things to worry about. But before he could leave, Hyunjin saw him.

“You can stay...” Hyunjin curled his fingers around the cup & picked it up from the counter. “I’m leaving.”

Felix’s heart was beating loud & fast. This was the first time Hyunjin had spoken to him after he came back. Actually, this was the first time Hyunjin spoke to any of them after coming back. & The first thing he just said was that he was leaving. It felt like déjà vu. During the war, Hyunjin said the same thing when Felix last saw him.

“I’m leaving.”

It felt like a trigger. A trigger to remember that Hyunjin didn’t come back after that. When he woke up the next morning in a crying Minho’s arms, he found everyone angry at Hyunjin. He found out what Hyunjin had done. While he was still struggling not to hate Hyunjin, they found out Hyunjin was dead. No matter how upset & angry he was at the older boy, he never wanted him to die. He never wanted Hyunjin to leave him.

Why was Hyunjin always talking about leaving?!

Hyunjin, on the other hand, waited for a while, hoping to get a reply back. But when the other boy didn’t make any move or uttered a single word, he decided to leave as it was. With a disappointed heart, he walked out of the kitchen. He needed to remember that they didn’t like him. Anymore.

Felix stood frozen in his spot, watching Hyunjin retreat back to his room with wide eyes. A voice in his head was screaming at him; asking him to stop the older boy. But his mind wasn’t cooperating with him. His hands were shaking. He suddenly felt scared. He didn’t know what to say, or how to make Hyunjin stay. But he did know that he didn’t like this view.

Hyunjin’s back to him.

Hyunjin walking away from him.

He didn’t want Hyunjin to go.

“Don’t leave me…”

Truth be told, Felix never really imagined he & Hyunjin would be separated. Ever since the older boy saved him from the rabid dog in the alley near the old newspaper stall, they were literally together. If not by hip, then by hands. Then their family got bigger, they found more friends. But even after that, they would always find each other from time to time. Sometimes they would just lie on their backs, & stare up at the night sky in pure silence. Sometimes they’d switch places to hold each other’s hands. Sometimes, Hyunjin would spend the whole night sitting in one position because Felix had fallen asleep with his head on Hyunjin’s shoulder. Sometimes Felix would motion to anyone passing by to keep quiet because the older boy was sleeping on his lap. Sometimes they’d talk about anything & everything, just because they wanted to.

Even after the familiar crowd of eight, they always managed to be around each other without exchanging many words. They never needed to. Somehow, they always understood each other a little more than the others. Chan would say this was because they found each other first. To Felix, it seemed like valid reasoning.

But was it still the same? Could they still understand each other as they used to before?

He stared at the cup in Hyunjin’s hand, or more like at the gloved hand that the older boy was using to hold the cup. He looked away as soon as Hyunjin came closer. He pretended not to notice when the older boy placed the cup in front of him.

“This should make you feel better,” Hyunjin said in a soft voice, before taking a seat beside him.

Felix held his breath. It still felt the same. The way Hyunjin talked to him. The exact cup he chose for Felix. The seat he had just taken. How could he do all these right if he didn’t remember anything?

“Hyung said you don’t remember anything.” Felix blurted out all of a sudden. “Is it true?” He needed to know. He needed to hear it directly from Hyunjin.

Hyunjin looked at the boy beside him. He tried to remember the face. He tried to remember anything that he could relate to this boy. But even after a minute, his mind was like a blank slate.

“It is. I don’t remember any of you.”

Felix inhaled sharply, feeling the dull ache in his heart suddenly shooting up like a spike. It hurt. It hurt more than he thought. How could Hyunjin do that to him? Wasn’t leaving him enough for Hyunjin? Was erasing him out of memory really necessary?

How could Hyunjin be so mean to him? Wasn’t he the kindest among the eight of them?

A tear rolled down from his eyes. Then another. He just sat there, & let himself cry once again for Hyunjin. He looked down at the silver band on the middle finger of his left hand, then he looked at Hyunjin’s hand. He wondered if the boy still had it. Or, did he lose that too? But he didn’t dare to ask. The pain in his heart was already tearing him apart. He didn’t want to risk it more.

With sad eyes, Hyunjin watched the boy beside him cry silently. He didn’t know who that boy was to him or what he had done to make him cry. He could only guess. For some reason, he wanted to reach out & wipe those tears away. He wanted to comfort him. But he didn’t know how to. Felix, the boy with the constellation on his face, was still a stranger to him. A stranger who was pulling the strings of his dead heart.

His eyes fell on the hand of the other boy. There was a familiar silver band on the middle finger. The same one Hyunjin had hanging on his neck by a chain. But his was black. He wondered if he had bought them together with Felix. Unconsciously he reached out, to touch the ring on Felix’s hand. Or, maybe he just wanted to hold that hand. But he stopped when Felix asked him to.

“Don’t,” Felix’s voice shook as he watched Hyunjin’s hand hover over his. “Don’t hold my hand.” He didn’t want Hyunjin to hold his hand if the boy was gonna let it go again.

He felt a pang of guilt when he watched Hyunjin hesitate for a second, before pulling back his hand. He bit his lips hard to stop the sob from coming out & dashed back to his room, closing the door behind him with a loud bang. He leaned back on the door & finally let out.

Hyunjin stared in the direction Felix ran off to. He only looked away when he heard the loud sound of the door closing. For a while, he just sat there. Looking down at his hand. Hearing the heart-wrenching sob that filled the silence of the apartment. With every cry of the boy, his heart got heavier. He found it harder to breathe. He wanted to help. He wanted to fix everything. But he didn’t know what was wrong in the first place. He didn’t know if his trying would actually help anyone.

If anything, his whole existence seemed wrong to him.

When the cries were finally subdued, Hyunjin got up & cleaned the table. He washed the cups & let them hang dry on the shelf beside the sink. He looked at the clock. It was almost 10 am. Others should be waking up anytime soon. Knowing Minho & Jisung were home, he decided to retreat back to his room. He already made one unhappy, he didn't want more people on that list.

As soon as he closed the door behind him, he felt lighter. He felt free. So, he finally let the dam break. He let the tears he had been holding back fall free as he crouched down on the floor with his legs curled up against his chest. He didn’t know why it hurt so bad. He couldn’t understand why they hated him.

Why would Felix leave him back there, when he was the one stopped Hyunjin in the first place?

But one thing he did understand was that his bond with that boy was something he shouldn’t have forgotten. No matter what.

He clutched the ring that was hidden behind his shirt tightly, feeling the weight of the black metal in his palm. It was the only piece of his past he had with him until now. Dr. Lee had once told him that maybe it was his lucky charm.

So, he did what he felt was right. He made a wish to his lucky charm.

Make me remember him again.

Chapter Text

“Lix?” Minho called out from the kitchen. Soon the familiar blonde hair peeked out from the door with wide eyes.

“Yes, hyung?”

“Call everyone for dinner, would you?” Minho requested with his back still facing the younger boy. Soon he heard Felix calling the others to the dining place. He turned off the stove & was about to get the bowls. But Chan had beat him to that. The older man was already getting the bowls out from the cabinet. Minho turned back & started scooping rice. Chan placed the bowls on the counter, & he started filling them one by one without exchanging any other words.

Felix & Seungmin walked inside the kitchen right at that moment & shared a look when they saw the oldest duo standing together. Seeing no improvement between the eldest duo, they could only heave out defeated sighs. Knowing there was nothing they could do until Chan & Minho decided to talk about it, Seungmin decided to leave it be. He walked to the counter & asked if he could take the bowls. With Minho’s confirmation, he took one on each hand & walked out of the kitchen. Felix followed him soon with another two bowls. When he came back to take the remaining ones, he noticed the frown sitting on Minho's face as he stared at Chan. When he looked at Chan, he understood why Minho was frowning.

Chan had placed two bowls of rice in a tray; for him & Hyunjin.

“You are eating with him?” Minho asked. Seungmin looked between the two wearily. Should he intervene?

Chan nodded as he grabbed two more bowls from the cabinet, “It can get lonelier when you eat alone.” He smiled at Minho, who was still frowning at him. “And, you know he never liked to eat alone.”

Oh... Seungmin had forgotten about that. Hyunjin never liked eating alone. He'd rather skip his meals than eat alone.

Minho pressed his lips in a thin line. Of course, he knew. But he didn’t say anything anymore, just silently watched the older man serving the side dishes on the bowls & walk out from the kitchen as Seungmin stepped aside to give him space. Soon, he heard Changbin asking Chan to sit with them, but the older man declined & told them about his plan to eat with Hyunjin. The table quieted down instantly. Then he heard a door being opened, then being closed.

Seungmin awkwardly stood there. Not knowing what to do.

With an exasperated sigh, Minho started serving the side dishes & beckoned Seungmin closer to get them to the table.

This is gonna be a long dinner. He couldn't help but to think.

“Nightshift? All of a sudden?” Felix asked with a big pout on his face.

Chan nodded, looking unhappy as well. There was a fire in the medical camp last night. They suspect it was arson. Many important documents were burnt. No major injuries or death were heard of until now, but a few nurses were injured in the incident. So, they were kinda short on the stuff for the next few days.

The news made Felix worried. Others had left early this morning, & the nightshift duo was still sleeping.  He volunteered to go with Chan, but the latter assured him it was okay now. Everything was under control. He promised to get back by the next morning, & in case of an emergency, he asked to call the military base from their friend’s place which was a few minutes away from here. Yunho recently got a telephone.

Before he left, he also talked with Hyunjin, who nodded at his every instruction. Chan felt like he was talking with some child. Sometimes it was weird, to see Hyunjin just nodding away with whatever he suggested as if the younger didn’t have his own thoughts. As if he trusted Chan with everything. It scared him sometimes. What if he messed up? What if he ended up hurting Hyunjin somehow?

“Don’t let the others be tough on him,”

Felix pressed his lips in a thin line, & nodded hesitantly. He was unsure if he could stop the others when he couldn't even stop himself the other day.

Chan smiled at the boy, having an idea of what was he thinking. Felix had always been a worrywart. He reached out & patted the boy’s head affectionately. “Take care of yourself. Don’t let Jisung go near the kitchen.”

Felix giggled at that, shoulder relaxing visibly at the change of topic. “Minho hyung threatened him with a ladle last week. I don’t think he’s gonna go near the kitchen, at least not when hyung is around.”

Chan grinned, already imagining the scene in his head, before leaning close to plant a kiss on top of the blonde mop of the younger. “I’ll see you guys soon.”

When Chan told him that he wasn’t gonna be around until the next morning, Hyunjin expected to stay in his room alone. He had a few things on his mind to spend the rest of the day. Like- reading the book that had been sitting on top of his table since the day he arrived here, trying to keep a journal; writing what he remembered or what seemed familiar. The idea of keeping a journal was Chan’s. He bought Hyunjin a notebook the other day, saying he could use it to keep track of his days. He hadn’t written anything yet. Maybe one day when he’d be able to hold the pencils without breaking them. Maybe he'd ask Chan to get him a pen instead. At least that wouldn't break.

So, without any other options available, he decided to start the book.

Hyunjin lost the track of time soon after that. He barely noticed when hours had passed, & came the time when he'd be called for lunch. He was almost done with half of the book when someone knocked on his door. He looked outside the window. He couldn't decipher the time, not when the sky was nothing but a relaxing blue. Sun was nowhere to be seen.

He guessed it was already time for lunch. He folded the corner of the page he was in & closed the book. But instead of getting up & opening the door, he decided to wait for a little while to make sure that the others were already back in their rooms when he got out. He always did that. Usually, others would have their lunch first, then knock on his door before leaving him alone to eat. However, today there was a second knock on his door, which startled him a little because he wasn’t really expecting that.

He got up from his bed & walked closer to the door. His hand was hovering over the door, unsure of what to do. He knew it wasn’t Chan. The older man never waited for him to open the door. He’d just knock once to alert Hyunjin, & then walk inside on his own. Besides, the older man was on duty at the moment. He wasn’t supposed to comeba-

There was another impatient knock on the door, causing him to flinch back slightly. Whoever it was, they wanted to talk with him, which made him a little anxious. He didn't really have any good memory of talking with the other occupants of this place.

But he decided to push all the hesitation further back in his mind & face it. He had to get used to it. He couldn't just hide away from people his whole life, could he? He took a tentative step closer & was just about to grab the knob when someone suddenly opened the door from outside, causing the door to hit directly his forehead. He groaned out at the sudden sharp pain & crouched down instantly, unable to stand stable on his legs. There was a panicked voice & hasty footsteps around him, asking him if he was alright. He wasn’t, but he tried to nod. But the pain seemed to only increase at that, causing him to let out a pained whimper.

“Let me see,” Demanded the other person in a worried voice, causing Hyunjin finally to look up to see who it was.

Minho. He was bending down with a frown on his face, staring right at Hyunjin. Soon he crouched down & gently wrapped his hand around Hyunjin's hand to move it from the injured area. But as soon as the older man held the hand, he froze; most probably feeling the metal structure of the Hyunjin's hand. Minho blanked for a moment, which Hyunjin noticed instantly & his heart dropped.

The memory of the first day here suddenly flushed behind Hyunjin’s eyes. He felt the dull ache in his heart return. He tried to free his hand, feeling the sudden need to get away from the older man. His eyes were already burning, it was definitely not because of the potato-sized lump on his forehead, but of the rejection that he had received from the man before.

His heart had already taken a blow that day. He didn’t want another.

Minho’s breath had faltered the moment he felt the bony structure of the metal hand under his palm. For a moment he was pulled back to the day Chan brought Hyunjin back, watching the younger pull off his gloves. He felt a sharp pain in his heart as the scene replayed behind his eyes once again. This particular memory had become a nightmare for him, watching his once precious Hyunjin in that state. That day he had left the table in hurry, not being able to watch the younger one like that. He felt like throwing up at the sudden heavy emotion crowing his heart & mind. So, he walked away, belatedly realizing that he shouldn't have done that.

His heart was crushed as he leaned back on the wall, & listened to Hyunjin’s muted sobs in Chan’s arms. He wanted to go back, hold the boy in his arms, and tell him that he was okay. But the ego & the pain in his heart stopped him. He couldn’t go back. he couldn’t hold Hyunjin in his arms when he was in a vulnerable state just like the younger boy.

He didn’t know what to say, that would make Hyunjin stop crying. He didn't know how to pull that boy in his arms again.

While he was tormented by the memories, he felt Hyunjin struggle in his hold. He was instantly rushed back to the present. Hyunjin was trying to free his hand from Minho's grip. His eyes were red, glistening with tears. The younger was trying to look everywhere except at him. Minho felt his heart hurt. As if someone had clutched his heart in a tight grip, nails slowly curving inside.

He clenched his teeth as an unknown pain crawled up in his chest & tightened his grip on the other’s hand. He hated it when Hyunjin looked away from him- when he tried to hide from him. The Hyunjin he knew wasn't like that. That Hyunjin would always look straight into his eyes, demanding attention, daring Minho to look away. The Hyunjin he knew would melt in his touch, not struggle to get away from him. He hated that Hyunjin was denying him now. He hated it when Hyunjin looked scared of him when he was the one who broke Minho's heart into pieces. He simply couldn't accept it. He wouldn't accept it. He didn't deserve to be treated like that.

He manhandled the boy, finally removing the hand from his forehead. His frown got deeper seeing the small red lump in the middle of the forehead. He felt irritation crawling up his head as Hyunjin again struggled to break free, still looking everywhere but at him.

“Look at me,”

But Hyunjin didn't. His eyes burned when Hyunjin only tried to hide his eyes more. He inhaled sharply, trying to calm down. Hyunjin had always been a stubborn one. He knew whatever going on inside the younger’s mind would only get worse if he kept pushing on. So, without any other word, he pulled the boy onto the bed, making him sit on the edge before dashing out of the room only to come back after a few seconds with a wet piece of cloth that replaced his hand on the lump on the younger's forehead.

Minho sighed for the umpteenth time. He really panicked for a moment after hitting Hyunjin with the door. He was a little worried when the boy didn’t open the door for him even after the third knock. He didn’t mean to hurt him. Hyunjin had miraculously fallen asleep with the wet cloth still on his forehead. He did mention a headache a few minutes after Minho had used the wet cloth as a cold compress. He had suggested the boy lie down for a while, to which the younger had complied without any struggle.

He moved the compress, careful not to wake Hyunjin up. He felt a little relieved seeing the angry red color of the lump had dulled a little. It also got smaller. But, still looked painful. No wonder Hyunjin got a headache from it.

“I’m sorry,” Minho’s voice came out small, soft, unlike the other times. He reached out, gently brushing his thumb on the sleeping boy’s face as if he was scared to wake him up. It took a few more seconds to feel a little braver & gently cup a side of the other’s face. His breath hitched when Hyunjin moved in his sleep all of a sudden. He felt scared to get caught. But the younger only turned toward him, nuzzling against his palm, almost melting away. Just like before.

Minho couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. He couldn’t help but feel the hollow inside his heart filling up once again. It was hard to believe that Hyunjin was here again; so close to him, within his reach. For the past one year, he only dreamt about it; all of them together, happy & holding each other. On some nights he used to wake up from nightmares, about Hyunjin leaving him, going to someplace where Minho couldn't reach. Even when they found out that Hyunjin died in the war, nightmares became true, but they never left him alone. That was another reason he took the night shift job.

Chan had tried to talk to him many times. But Minho was never able to express his feelings properly. When Hyunjin left them, he was angry. He was enraged by the betrayal of the person who meant the world to him. With him gone, Minho didn’t know who else would understand the feelings he could never say out loud. His insecurities slowly built up a wall around him. He didn’t want to feel abandoned again.

When Chan came back with Hyunjin again, he really didn’t know what to do. Should he cry? Should he scream? Should he feel relief? Unable to decide, he only did what his insecurities made him do. He unleashed the rage that he had been keeping inside his heart.

“Hyunjin is dead, hyung. Hyunjin had died a year ago.”

It was easy to accept that Hyunjin was dead than to let his walls down. He hated what Hyunjin had done. He hated that he was right to guard his heart, & his family against the person who held the power to break them into pieces. He hated that it was easy for Chan to forget everything, to forgive Hyunjin. He hated that he couldn’t forget. He hated arguing with Chan. He hated that his heart still longed for Hyunjin.

“Is it fair… to punish someone for the things he doesn’t remember?”

It wasn’t fair.

But Minho was done taking the risk. He couldn’t just let Hyunjin break him again.

“Is he okay?”

Minho looked up at the familiar voice. It was Felix. With one last glance at the sleeping boy, he gently closed the door behind him. He nodded in answer, but still looked a little worried. “But he might need to take medicine when he wakes up.”

Felix looked down at his hand with a worried frown. None of them said anything anymore. Minho trudged to the couch, & slipped beside the younger boy. He pulled the boy close to him, gently guiding Felix to rest his head on his shoulder.

“He still looks the same, doesn’t he?” Minho asked in a small voice. Felix didn’t reply. He knew he didn’t have to confirm it. Deep inside they all knew it. This was the same person they once lost. The same person who they thought was dead, & mourned for. Hyunjin was still the same, except he had no memories of them anymore.

“What are we gonna do, hyung?” Felix asked. He had been thinking ever since Hyunjin came back. But the voice inside his head become more persistent after his little talk with the other a few days ago. His heart was still aching badly. It still refused to believe Hyunjin had forgotten him just like that.

“I don’t know,” Minho answered truthfully. He really had no idea what was the right thing to do. His anger was still there, and so was the love. The wound in his heart was still fresh, bleeding every now & then when the strings were pulled by a certain someone’s memories. He didn’t know how to forget or forgive. It was cruel of Chan to put him in this position, knowing he still hadn’t gotten over the betrayal & heartbreak Hyunjin had caused him.

“I really don’t know…”

Chapter Text

Chan exhaled heavily, wiping the sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand. He had been running around the camp since this morning, working double than he was supposed to, all because there would be a visit from the army in a few hours. Everyone was in a rush. Moreover, the fire incident a few days ago caused a lot of damage to the west side of the camp. They still couldn’t find out what happened there, or who could do this.

“Chan!”

He glanced back, & found Minhyung, a coworker, standing in front of the door, waving the papers in his hand. “These are the list of people in the camp.” He held out the papers to Chan, who took them with a small frown itched on his forehead. “We lost the ones of discharged patients. Now, we're collecting names from the nurses who signed their papers. You signed any from this list?” Minhyung asked hopefully.

Chan looked through the papers, pointing to a few names that rang a bell. But he didn’t find Hyunjin’s name there, which made sense because here no one else knew his name. Hyunjin had been living nameless for the last one year.

Should I tell him? He contemplated. Still hesitant about what to do, he handed back the papers silently.

“Thanks! Finally, I can get rid of this.” Minhyung grinned, “The visit is stirring up some serious trouble here. I had to talk with every single nurse & doctor to get the names.”

Chan pressed his lips in a sympathetic smile. But there was something else going on inside his mind. Minhyung talked with everyone in the camp. So, did he have any idea about Hyunjin?

“Yeah, it’s been a hell of a day” Chan tried to drag out the conversation. But he also knew well that he could barely lie, so he got straight to the point instead of stalling around. “By the way,” Chan hoped he didn’t look nervous, “What about the unidentified ones? I saw a few who had no name tags. Did we lose their reports as well?”

Minhyung shook his head & showed Chan another file. “Here is it. But it’s just the tag number we used to identify them. Some of them had already left with their families, some are still here. We lost the discharge papers, so we kinda lost the names who left the camp recently.”

Chan nodded, a frown easily forming on his face as he looked at the list. There were at least twenty-five people here, all tracked with just tag numbers. He tried to remember what number was Hyunjin but in vain. He couldn’t remember.

“What about the dead ones?” Chan asked, looking at the other with fake interest.

Minhyung frowned. “Wait- someone from that list died?” He took the paper back from Chan’s hand, & frowned at it as if it had offended him somehow.

Chan nodded in reply, “On my first day here, I heard two- no three maybe,” he pretended to remember, “I don’t exactly remember the number… But I heard from Jungwoo that a few unidentified had died from high fever the day before.” He lied through his teeth. “One of them was a boy around his twenties if I remember correctly. You should probably talk with Jungwoo to be sure.” He suggested.

But Minhyung only shook his head exasperated, “You don’t know? Jungwoo had been transferred to another camp outside the city. He was supposed to leave the city early this morning. There’s no way that I can get to him before the visit.” Minhyung genuinely looked distressed.

Chan acted shocked, “Oh yes… I totally forgot about it!” He prayed hard that Minhyung wouldn’t see through his lies. “What are you gonna do then?” He asked in hoaxed concern. “They would want a full report. I doubt they’d understand our situation.”

Minhyung looked genuinely scared now. Chan felt bad for the man. If he could, he would have apologized right away. But his hands were tied here.

“What do I do, Chan?” Minhyung asked, eyes wide in worry. “I can’t hand this report to them! What if they find out later & fire me?! I really can’t lose this job, Chan! I can’t-”

“Minhyung, come down!” He held the distressed man’s shoulder with his both hands, stopping him from fidgeting around. “I’m sure we can figure something out!” He smiled, already having a plan in his mind.

“How?” Minhyung asked, voice hopeful.

The voice in Chan's mind grinned, seeing where this was going. “I know that around two or three people died, right?” He asked, to which the other nodded stiffly. “So how many of the unidentified are still in the camp?”

Minhyung frowned, trying to remember. A few seconds later his face lit up with the answer. “There was a total of thirty-one, but now is only 19!”

Chan grinned. “So, there are also a few who left the camp. So, what if we choose three random tags from the twelve who aren’t here, & say they died? They wouldn’t go look for the discharged ones now. And, even if they want to… They can’t… We lost their names, right?” He stared at Minhyung, trying to read his mind.

“So, we just- forge-” Minhyung was stuttering now, scrambling his mind to find the right word.

“Do we have any other choice?” Chan pressed. “If anyone asks, you’ll say three died & nine left the camp. Even if you make a mistake, & list a living one as dead- they won’t find out, Minhyung.” Chan tried again.

Minhyung bit his lips, thinking if it was okay to do so. But then he remembered about his younger siblings. If somehow, he lost this job, he wouldn’t be able to take care of them.

Besides, Chan is a good person. He was only trying to help him.

He exhaled; a decision already made up in his mind. He looked up at Chan, who was still there waiting for his answer.

“Let’s do this.”

“I can’t thank you enough for this, Chan.” Minhyung looked at Chan with a grateful smile.

Chan smiled, “This is what friends do, don’t they?” He felt bile rising up his throat knowing exactly that what he had done was only for himself. Yes, Minhyung was also gonna be helped with it. But, most of the benefit would be given to Chan.

He glanced down at the papers one last time. The bold red underline on three patient tags instantly caught his attention. With one last check over the details, he put the paper back in the record file in Minhyung’s hand, who thanked him once again before leaving to submit them to the head nurse.

As soon as his colleague was out of his sight, Chan’s smile dropped. Face painted with an apologetic expression. Taking advantage of someone’s weakness was something he hated from his core. But then again, when it came to his family- he would do anything to ensure their safety.

He had sent Minhyung off to check the patient tags of the nineteen patients that were still in the camp. When they were sure of the missing twelve tags, they randomly chose three tags from them to declare dead. Actually, Minhyung thought they chose those three randomly. But actually, two of those three tags were chosen randomly, the third tag was chosen by Chan deliberately.

While Minhyung was away, he had hurriedly gone through the patient list & found one patient who had a similar description as Hyunjin. There was no other patient with a robotic arm & whose age was around 20. It had to be Hyunjin. When Minhyung was choosing the tags randomly, he suggested Hyunjin’s identification tag. Minhyung didn’t question anything, he nodded along & marked the tag number.

Then they added those names under the list of the dead; declaring them dead. With Chan’s suggestion, Minhyung even added Jungwoo’s name as the nurse in charge of those three bodies.

Chan let out a sigh, feeling mentally exhausted. But he also felt relieved knowing there was no way to track Hyunjin now, at least not until the doctors who handled Hyunjin’s case come forward & physically identified him. Which he doubted would happen. He was also off the hook now. Even if people doubted, they wouldn’t find any evidence against him about forging the documents &… about the arson.

Chan knew who started the fire. He also knew the reason behind it. Jungwoo didn’t have any other choice but to get himself transferred to another city.

He looked out the window, staring far away, at where his home was supposed to be. Where seven boys waited for him to return. He never wanted to blackmail someone or take advantage of people’s weaknesses. But he couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to lose Hyunjin again. Maybe he was just being paranoid, maybe the army had nothing to do with Hyunjin at all. The war was over after all.

But he wasn’t gonna take a risk. A year without Hyunjin was already torture for the seven of them, though they would deny it now. But it was the truth. He couldn’t risk Hyunjin leaving them again. He knew what he had seen that night when Hyunjin left them. He vividly remembered the look of fear & sadness on the younger’s face when he followed that masked person into the dark.

Hyunjin never wanted to leave them. He just didn’t have any choice.

He couldn’t tell the others & put them in danger as well. He knew if had told them, they’d have left to look for Hyunjin as well. Chan was selfish. He was a coward. He couldn’t help Hyunjin. & He didn’t want to risk what he had left. Ever since Hyunjin left them, Chan had carried the guilt. He hid the truth. He let others hate Hyunjin.

A silent tear escaped from his eyes. Chan hastily wiped it away with the back of his hand. He couldn’t cry. He didn’t get to cry when he could have stopped Hyunjin, & save everyone from heartbreak. Only if he had tried to be a little braver, then Hyunjin's memory might still be intact, untouched. He might not have to lose his hand. 

Unfortunately, Chan was still a coward. He had no courage to stand in front of his family & tell the truth. He didn’t want to lose them. He didn’t want to be alone.

And for that-

He’d rather be a liar, blackmailer & manipulator than lose his family for the truth.

Chapter Text

“Hyung! Play with us!”

Jisung turned back at the familiar voice. A fond grin automatically settled on his face as soon as his eyes landed on the kids on the open ground beside their house, waving at him excitedly. He tightened the muffler around his neck & started jogging to the kids, eyes already on the soccer ball. Upon seeing him, the kids scattered around the place, ready to play.

It was fun playing with the kids. They were good compared to him on that age. It was full of laughter & playful accusations of the kids whenever he tried to cheat. It reminded him of the good old days when all eight of them used to play with the ragged ball that Changbin had found back in a dark alley in the city. Chan was the best among them, & Jisung was the worst with his wobbly legs & baby deer-like balance. They’d always tease him for that. Jeongin would even hide his face behind his hands, embarrassed of Jisung’s play. They’d always lose; him, Chan, Felix & Jeongin. While Chan played the best & tried to instruct them as a real coach Jisung would trip on his own leg, Felix would feel dizzy after scoring a head & Jeongin was too slow to even react.

“Goal!!!” The kids rejoiced after managing to score the 5^th goal. Jisung bent forward with his hand on his knees, panting heavily. It was hard to keep up with the kids’ stamina these days. Most probably because they don’t have time to play anymore. Everyone was busy with their jobs, trying their best to make a living. Besides, they were an odd number now. Minho’s team had only three members after-

“Hyung, who’s that?”

Jisung followed the curious boy’s gaze & found the person he was talking about. Hyunjin was at the window, staring at the sky with a somber expression. For the first time after Hyunjin came back, Jisung found himself looking at the boy for more than just a few seconds. Inside their home, he’d retreat back to home whenever the older boy came out from his room, or walk out of the house in a hurry. Hyunjin’s mere presence around him felt suffocating. Which in turn soured up his mood, & he’d end up snapping at the others for nothing. Just like he did with Felix recently. His heart clenched at the sight. The smile that never left Hyunjin's face, was now nowhere to be seen.

“Hyung?”

Jisung looked back at the kid & smiled; ruffling the kid’s hair. “An old friend.” He found himself replying.

“Can he play soccer?” Asked another kid, making the smile on his widen slightly. Hyunjin wasn’t really that bad at soccer. He was quite average despite his disliking of running around. He preferred volleyball. But he was always worried about hurting his hands & not being able to sketch. So, instead of his hands, he'd always use his feet. He used to call that kickball, which later all of them adopted in their dictionary.

“He can. But he doesn’t like running.” Even when they played around to catch each other, Hyunjin was the one who’d always get caught first. He’d always get tired of running around. So, whenever they played, their first target had always been Hyunjin.

“We can play pass if he can’t run, can’t we Hyung?!” Suggested another kid with a big grin on his face. The others unanimously agreed, looking up at Jisung with wide eyes full of hope.

Jisung’s smile fell a little at that. Hyunjin? Playing with the kids & him?

“Let’s ask him, Hyung!”

“W-wait!” Jisung stammered holding his both hands in front of the kids in a defensive manner. “He’s not feeling well now.” He lied, hoping the kids would back off. But the dejected look on the kids' faces made him feel guilty the very next second. “Maybe some other day? I promise I’ll ask him when he feels better.”

The moment he said that Jisung knew he was gonna regret it.

“What are you doing here?”

Hyunjin flinched at the sudden voice behind him, & looked back with a hand on his chest.

Jisung

His shoulder dropped when he found the shorter man leaning on the door frame with a blank look on his face. “You scared me for a second.” He let out a small sigh. Well, he was still a little scared since his history with the boy wasn’t really good. Jisung was the most outraged one when Chan brought him here. He stiffened remembering the exact words the boy said that night.

“Why is he here? What the fuck is he doing here?”

Jisung did sound like he didn't like him.

On the other hand, Jisung frowned slightly at the sudden change of posture of the boy in front of him. Was Hyunjin scared? Of him? And, what the actual fuck was he doing here? Trying to make breakfast?

“Minho hyung made it clear that he didn’t want you near his kitchen, didn’t he?” He asked, eyes almost boring a hole at the other boy, who retracted his hand from the loaf of bread immediately as if had electrified him. Jisung felt a twinge of guilt inside him. He didn’t intend to say it like that. And, Minho never really said anything like that. It was just him bluffing, trying to bully Hyunjin.

“I was hungry…” Hyunjin averted his eyes. His gloved hands clasped together as he looked down at them. “I didn’t want to… trouble any of you.” He mumbled the last part. He was well aware that he wasn’t really welcomed here. Everyone other than Chan made sure to let him know that. So, he did try to avoid causing any more trouble for them. Since he didn’t have any place to go other than the military camp & he really didn’t want to go back there, near the dead. So, he mostly just stayed inside his room & only came out if Chan asked him to, or if it was really necessary.

Jisung stared at the taller boy in silence. He couldn’t help but sigh when he realized Hyunjin believed his bluffing, once again. He watched as the older boy shifted on his legs, looking nervous & maybe worried that he was gonna call out Minho from his room & complain. He wasn’t that much of a snitch, was he? If anything, they were used to be partners in crime. He used to come up with weird & stupid plans. Seungmin used to try stopping him, Felix would be worrying about Chan & Minho finding out & Hyunjin… He’d grin like a Cheshire cat, eyes glimmering with mischief, ready to jump in the plan with Jisung. They always covered for each other, mostly Hyunjin covering up for his lack of social skills & hot temper.

Jisung straightened up & hid his hands in his jacket’s pocket; something he’d do when he didn’t know how to act normal. Ever since the older boy came back, nothing felt normal anymore. After Hyunjin had left them, he forced himself to adjust to the new situation they were thrown into. He forced himself to smile when he only wanted to cry. He spent hours sitting in the empty room, staring blankly at the empty bed where he’d jump into, asking for cuddles from the older boy. The news of Hyunjin’s death had broken him into pieces. He’d sit in the dark of the empty room, trying to glue back the pieces remembering all the good old memories Hyunjin had left behind.

Now he couldn’t even do that. He would stay up alone in his rooms, even though he was tired as hell. His heart didn’t know what to do, now that Hyunjin came back. His mind was full of the memories of the days when he’d look outside the window, at the path that led them to the city. He felt bitter remembering all those hours when he waited for Hyunjin to come back, but the other didn’t.

Maybe it was the nature of the human mind- missing the person he wished to come back, & when they would, he’d simply hate them for leaving & push them away. Jisung was the same. After all those nights of wishing upon the stars for Hyunjin’s safety & return, the first thing did after his wish was granted was to act like he never wanted his wish to be fulfilled.

Why did he do that? Why did he feel like that? Why he couldn’t be happy now that Hyunjin came back to him? Why couldn’t he just forget everything happened & pull the older boy in his arms now that his family was complete once again? Why was it so hard to be a human?

“Just take what you need & leave before Hyung sees you.” He turned back, acting unbothered even though all he wanted was to cave in & hug the older boy. “I already have enough of chaos & yelling because of you.” He bit his lips as soon as the words left his mouth, internally regretting saying something like that.

In fear of saying something mean again he walked out of the house, not waiting to hear or see anything. Just as the door closed behind him, his hands balled inside the pockets. He closed his eyes & took a deep breath. It was hard. To talk with Hyunjin again, to face him without breaking down into tears or yelling in frustration & pain that was clawing his heart. It was hard to look at that face without remembering what had happened a year ago when Hyunjin was still with them, & what had happened after he left. It was hard to accept everything.

He wanted to punch the boy. He wanted to scream at him. Ask why he left them. What he gained after leaving?

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t ask these questions to someone who didn’t remember anything. Unfortunately, this was only their pain to bear now. Hyunjin had nothing to worry about, nothing to be scared of losing.

Hyunjin was startled awake from his sleep when he heard the sound of a knock on his door. Confused he sat on the edge of the bed, trying to rub the sleep away from his eyes with the back of his hand. It was then that he heard the sound again, but from his right, where the window was. Someone was throwing pebbles at his window. Worried that the glass would break if it continued & confused about the whole ordeal, he hurried over to the window & pushed it open only to find Jisung looking up at him from outside with another pebble in his hand, ready to throw.

Dumbfounded at the situation, Hyunjin could only stare at the boy who threw the pebble on the ground at gestured for him to come down.

What is going on?

He hesitated. Worried that he got it wrong, he stayed rooted near the window with a small frown marred on his face. But Jisung gestured to him again, then pointing at the side where around eight to ten kids were standing in a group with big grins on their faces & a ragged ball in one of their hands. His eyes widened as the realization settled inside his worried, clueless mind. They wanted to play with him.

He looked back at Jisung who gestured him again to go down, mouthing the word “hurry”.

Hyunjin felt something stir inside his chest as he realized that Jisung wanted to play with him.

Jisung was bad at lying & worse at pretending. He was sure as hell that Hyunjin had noticed the sneaky glances he was throwing at the older boy. But he could barely care about it, when Hyunjin was standing just a few feet away from him with a small smile tugged on his lips. He was playing pass with the kids, eyes following the ball attentively. And every once in a while, he’d look up at smile big whenever someone messed up the pass or missed the ball entirely.

Jisung tried to focus on the game too, but it was hard when he had been wanting to see this smile for the past year, & now finally was able to see it again. His heart felt heavy, yet a little happy at the sight. Happy; to see the beautiful smile again, heavy because it wasn’t directed at him. But it was okay for now. As long as Hyunjin was here, with him, it was okay.

For the last seven days, he had been thinking about it a lot & finally came to a decision. He wasn’t gonna throw it away. The chance universe had given them once again by returning Hyunjin back. It was still hard when his mind would remind him of the time when he was heartbroken when he had seen the others of his family hurting because of Hyunjin. But one thing he couldn’t overlook no matter what. His heart still craved Hyunjin & the bond they once had. & Chan was right, there wasn’t really any point in punishing someone who didn’t even remember anything from his past. Besides, wasn’t forgetting himself the biggest punishment for a person?

“Jisung look out!”

Jisung looked up at the sudden call, but before he could understand what was going on the ball hit him square on his face. With a loud pained groan, he crouched down, hiding half of his face behind his hand. It really hurt where the ball hit, but more than that he was embarrassed for zoning out in the middle of the game & getting hit by the ball in front of the kids.

“Hey, are you okay?”

He slowly opened his eyes & felt more embarrassed realizing Hyunjin was right in front of him, also crouching down, looking at him worriedly.

“Y-yeah… I-I’ll be fine.” He stuttered, looking away from the worried boy in front of him. He stood up hurriedly, a hand still covering the reddened patch of skin on his face. It was burning a little. He might need to press a cold compress on it. “I think I’d go first.” He didn’t dare to look at the older boy. Hurriedly he turned on his heel & started walking to their house. He only took three steps when he heard a set of footsteps following him. Soon Hyunjin was beside him, walking with him side by side, throwing not too subtle worried glances at him.

Jisung felt warm in his chest. “Don’t worry too much. It doesn’t hurt too much,” he assured in a small airy voice. He always hated to see Hyunjin worried. He even made it his mission to keep the boy smiling with his lame jokes & weird talks that made Seungmin ignore him often with a roll of his eyes. And he wasn’t lying. Just the knowledge of Hyunjin being worried for him was enough to slightly dull the pain in his heart. He knew the pain, the heartache wasn’t gonna go away so easily. It was gonna take a lot of time & assurance for them to go back to the point where they left off a year ago. But he was gonna try. He was gonna try until he didn’t have a reason to try anymore. Until Hyunjin wouldn’t want him anymore.

Because that was what Hyunjin always did. Trying his best until he couldn’t anymore. Forgiving every small or big mistake, because he believed everyone deserved a second chance.

Which was why Jisung believed that Hyunjin deserved a second chance more than anyone else.

And, Jisung would give Hyunjin that. He’d give them a second chance.

Chapter Text

“You think we can make it?”

A man in his mid-twenty craned his head to look at Hyunjin with a kind smile. The man reached over & patted his head comfortingly, “I’ll make sure you can.”

Things had changed a lot ever since Jisung reached out to him, or more like the younger boy finally accepted him to a certain degree. He felt less alone now even though he still spent most of the time of the day alone in the darkness of his room. He still would be sitting on the furthest corner of his bed with his back against the cold wall, mostly reading books or writing about his day in his journal with the pen Chan bought him recently. Sometimes he’d be sitting on the window sill, watching the grey cloud swimming away. Sometimes he’d watch the kids who, he learned, came to play in the open ground next to the house almost every day. Sometimes Jisung would join them, run around with kids, cheat in the game & then whine when his point was deducted. Sometimes Jisung wouldn’t do any of it. He’d knock on Hyunjin’s door, unlike the first time when he threw pebbles at his window, & ask if he wanted to play with them. Every single time Hyunjin said yes without missing a beat.

It was refreshing to be around Jisung even though their initial meeting was exactly the opposite. Jisung was fun. Less intimidating when he was bickering with the kids. Surprisingly, or maybe not so, he was easy to be around now. They still didn’t talk much, but that was because Hyunjin didn’t know where to start & Jisung was just Jisung. The younger boy would often take him out to play, but never really said more than necessary. But Hyunjin still liked it. It was a good change of his routine here. It was comforting to know that at least one person hated him less now.

Others were pretty much still the same though. Other than Chan & Jisung, people still avoided him & his existence in the house. Minho still looked at him like he couldn’t stand the sight of him. Felix recently got a job in the bakery, so Hyunjin only saw him in the mornings. But not always. He hadn’t seen Seungmin, Changbin & Jeongin at all in the last few days, since Hyunjin wouldn’t come out from his room after the evening hour, & unfortunately or fortunately, those three would only be around after the evening hour. Chan was recently telling him about changing jobs. The older man said something about being tired of the medical camp. Hyunjin could understand. That place did feel heavy. The cries & the smell of death never really went away.

Hyunjin looked outside the window, watching the moon hiding behind the sheer cloud. He’d often wake up at this time of the night, all scared & shaking from the nightmares. They were vivid, but then again, they weren’t. He’d often see a man around his mid-twenty, a little shorter than him. He could swear he had seen the man, but after waking up he couldn’t remember the face no matter how much he tried. As if someone had blurred the face intentionally. Then was the voice inside his head, it’d be around, laughing at his failed attempt to remember the face of that man. Even now, it was laughing at him.

 Hyunjin slipped on his slippers quietly & sauntered to the door. Sparing one last glance behind him, he opened the main door as quietly as possible, hoping he wouldn’t wake anyone up. As soon as he stepped out a shiver ran through his body at the gust of wind passing by him. He pulled the jacket around his body, crossing his hands tightly over his chest to ensure more coverage. He didn’t expect the night would be this chilly outside. He looked around before taking a tentative step away from the house. Then another. Until he was on the other side of the road. It was an empty land or more like a dead plot with dark burns from the war scattered in the big black patches all over the ground.

He closed his eyes & took a long breath. Soon the fresh air of the night soaked into his lungs, making him relax under the shy moon. When he opened his eyes again, the voice inside his head was gone. Hyunjin’s heart felt a little less heavy than before.

“What are you doing here?” Asked a voice suddenly from behind.

Hyunjin flinched & turned back. There was someone standing near the house, on the other side of the road. Suddenly his heart felt scared as he watched the man take a step toward the road. Hyunjin instinctively took a step back & squinted his eyes at the man wearily. The man seemed to notice his fear, & stopped where he was.

Hyunjin looked behind the man when the latter didn’t introduce himself. He found the door ajar, soft yellow light peeking out from the house. He was sure he had closed the door behind his back. So, someone had to open it. Or, maybe the man opened it. He narrowed his eyes once again, hoping to get a clear vision of the man’s face. But unfortunately, the man was standing a little far for him, & the damned almost non-existent moonlight wasn’t really helping right now. All he could tell was that the man seemed shorter than him, & quite well-built, almost like Chan.

But he could tell it wasn’t Chan. This man was a little buffier than Chan. Seungmin, Felix & Jeongin weren’t like that. Minho & Jisung were on their jobs. Then only one left was-

“Changbin?” He asked, even though he was quite sure of his guess by now.

The man seemed to hesitate for a few seconds, before taking a tentative step closer as if he was tasting the water. And when he saw Hyunjin didn’t step back this time, he confidently took the next step. It was only then when the man was standing in the middle of the road, just a few feet away from Hyunjin, the latter could make out the man’s face properly. It was indeed Changbin.

“That’s hyung to you.” Changbin reminded him in a static voice, before asking again, “What are you doing here?”

Hyunjin stiffened, embarrassed for making a mistake & weary that he was about to get scolded by the man. He never really talked with Changbin before, nor had they spent time together in the last one month. This man had literally avoided him like a plague. Always looking angry & irritated whenever Hyunjin saw him around.

“I wanted to get some fresh air,” Hyunjin answered timidly, hanging his head low like a guilty kid. For some reason, he felt like he wasn’t supposed to be outside the house, regardless of the time.

Changbin didn’t reply, just stared at Hyunjin for a while. The younger wasn’t looking at him anymore. Then he noticed the poor excuse of a jacket that hung around the boy’s lean frame & scowled. Hyunjin had never been good with adjusting to the cold weather of the winter. Nor did the boy have any sense of how to dress up for this specific season. And, he was still the same.

“It’s late. Go inside.” He said with a grunt, & immediately felt a pang inside his heart when he saw Hyunjin tightening his arms around his body. The younger didn’t look up again. He nodded his head timidly before walking past Changbin inside the house in hurried steps.

When Changbin heard the door close behind him with a soft click, he finally let the façade fall. He closed his eyes & heaved out a heavy sigh. His heart was still beating fast inside his chest, still a little scared.

When he saw Hyunjin there, for a moment he thought… Hyunjin was leaving again.

He strolled to the side; eyes steady on Hyunjin’s window. He felt something akin to relief settling inside his chest when he saw a shadow moving behind the curtain, illuminated by the yellow tungsten bulb. It felt weirdly comforting knowing that room wasn’t empty anymore. Changbin had spent many nights sitting under the trees, looking up at the window, feeling his heart ache when no one opened the window & called out his name with a big grin on their face.

“Binnie hyung!”

Changbin looked up at the familiar cheery voice & smiled big. “Hyunjinnie!”

Hyunjin’s smile would get bigger & brighter if that was even possible. His thin almond eyes would disappear into small crescents, cheeks a little fuller- making him look like a baby. Well, he was Changbin’s baby from the very beginning. He never missed a single chance to baby the younger boy. Maybe he was a little biased. Ever since Hyunjin called him the family he only remembered doting on the younger, making sure Hyunjin was safe & happy. The others had teasingly called him out countless times, even Hyunjin used to take advantage of his obvious weakness for the boy. Whenever Chan or Minho said no to something, the younger boy would turn to him with puppy eyes & a big pout. And, Changbin never knew how to say no to that.

Binnie hyung this! Binnie hyung that!

Binnie hyung loves me more!

Changbin let out a dejected sigh. He wasn’t Binnie hyung to Hyunjin anymore. Nor the boy was the Hyunjin he grew up with. Maybe physically, but emotionally this wasn’t his Hyunjin. This Hyunjin didn’t remember all the promises they made under the dark night with fireflies as the witness. This Hyunjin didn’t know how grateful Changbin was for giving him a family. This Hyunjin didn’t know that Changbin would shield him from every danger. This Hyunjin didn’t know he’d pick Hyunjin over & over if he was given the chance again.

This Hyunjin… The shadow of the boy they once lost… He knew nothing about the pain he caused.

Chapter Text

Hyunjin was in the middle of writing his journal when a knock on his door caught his attention. The door opened just a few seconds later & Chan peeked inside with his usual bright smile on his face.

“Hey. Busy?”

Hyunjin was surprised to see Chan home at this hour. It was almost 10 in the morning. The older man would usually leave for the camp around 7 or 7:30. He shook his head as he closed the journal & put it aside. “No, I’m not.” He was never busy.

Chan’s smile widened at that. He walked inside, gently closing the door behind him. He strolled toward the bed, taking a seat beside the younger who was looking at him with wide curious eyes. Chan fondly patted the boy’s head, smiling softly as Hyunjin leaned onto his touch more.

“Remember I told you about changing my job?” Chan asked & decided to continue explaining when Hyunjin nodded. “I quit last night, which was I came back home later than usual. I had to tidy up & hand over all the case files I had. I’m sorry I couldn’t be here for dinner.” He apologized, knowing Hyunjin had to eat alone once again. Things between Jisung & Hyunjin might have gotten a tad bit better, but they were still not at that point to eat together. Besides, he wasn’t sure if others would take it lightly if Jisung ended up ditching them to have dinner with Hyunjin.

Hyunjin shook his head denying Chan’s apology, “It’s okay, hyung. I’m used to eating alone.” There were many people around him in the camp. But at the end of the day, he had always been alone, sitting at the furthest corner of the dining hall ever since a few kids got scared of his hand. Even though he never really pulled off his gloves in front of people after that, he couldn’t help but feel the judgmental & unhappy glares on his back. Most of them didn’t like him because of the privilege he was given for an unknown reason. Many had lost their hands; many lost their legs. But he was alone in the camp and was given a second chance to lead a normal life.

The smile on Chan’s lips dulled a little. Hyunjin shouldn’t have been used to this. But there were some things that he couldn’t change nor could he control no matter how hard he tried. There were some things he could only regret now.

But that wasn’t gonna help anyway, was it?

“I was planning to visit the town market for a job that I saw earlier this week,” Chan informed, forcing a smile on his lips.

Hyunjin’s eyes widened in surprise. A new job? So early? He expected Chan to take a few days off. Maybe staying home? With him? But he didn’t voice that out. He didn’t want to cause any inconvenience for the older man. Chan was already having trouble with the others in the house because of him.

“And, I was actually wondering if you’d like to go with me?”

Hyunjin blinked; confused & surprised. “You would take me with you?” He blurted out before he could stop himself.

Chan’s expression softened at the sight of the younger. Hyunjin was looking at him like he had hung stars for the boy. He nodded, “If you want me to.”

Chan didn’t get the job he mentioned but found another one in the fish market. The older man had told him earlier that he was quite good with preparing & cooking, so he’d be fine. There were times when the older man had brought him dinner, boosting about how he made certain dishes as he ushered Hyunjin to take a bite. & Then Chan would wait for his opinion. It was really good, the older man’s cooking.

So, Hyunjin believed him.

They looked around the market next. Stopping from store to store to greet the owners. It was then that Hyunjin realized that Chan almost knew everyone in the town market. And, not so surprisingly, everyone liked him. It was like Chan & his friends' type of situation for Hyunjin. The older man had introduced him to every person he walked with, causing Hyunjin to hide behind the older man & bow his head in a shy greeting. There were also some people who recognized him. They pulled him into tight embraces, asking how had he been or telling him about how much they missed him here. Hyunjin didn’t reply to any questions. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he didn’t know what to say to those people. In the end, Chan was the one who explained his situation briefly, excluding any information about his missing hand. Even then, those people had pulled him in their arms, & wished him a fast recovery.

Hyunjin might or might not have shed a tear or two in Chan’s arms after bidding them farewell.

They stopped by the bakery next, meeting Felix there. The freckled boy looked surprised to see Hyunjin with Chan but didn’t try to talk with him. He basically talked with Chan as he packed the bread for them, while Hyunjin stood near the door waiting for the older man to return. Later they toured the city. Hyunjin was a little skeptical about going back to the heart of the city, But Chan assured him that they weren’t going anywhere near the medical camp. It turned out that Chan had a letter to post, to someone named Kim Jungwoo & he forgot to give it to Seungmin, who stared at them with a blank look in front of the post office. It was awkward when Chan left him with Seungmin to post the letter himself even after Seungmin insisted that he could do it.

Hyunjin clasped his hands, stubbornly looking down as he waited for the older man to return. And, Seungmin was right beside him, looking somewhere with no intention of talking to him. Truth be told, Hyunjin really wanted to keep it that way. He was convinced nothing good was gonna come out from talking with the ones from his family, at least not until he knew what he had done to piss them off.

But seemed like Seungmin had another plan in mind.

“So, you guys going back after this?” Seungmin suddenly asked, making Hyunjin look up at the boy beside him to be sure that the other was indeed talking to him. He averted his eyes as soon as their eyes met.

“I think so,” Hyunjin replied in a timid voice.

Seungmin arched an eyebrow, “You think so?”

“Hyung didn’t really tell me that he had any work here,” Hyunjin admitted, “I only knew about the job interview he had in the town market. Then he got distracted with his… friends there. & In the middle of that, he suddenly remembered about the letter he had been carrying around with him.” He let out a defeated sigh but didn’t have it inside him to get upset with the older man. After all, he had a good day with the older man.

Seungmin scoffed & nodded his head, knowing Chan did have a tendency to forget to tell things beforehand. Just like he forgot to give the letter to Seungmin. Or, about mentioning the beehive that was hanging from the tree next to their house years ago. He still remembered the chaos it caused when Jisung had kicked the ball right into that hive a few years ago. Changbin got stung the most in his attempt to cover Hyunjin, then was bedridden for days with a high fever & aching body.

“So, he got the job?” He asked, dragging out the conversation.

Hyunjin shook his head gently. “He got another one, in the fish market. Hyung said he’s good with fish.” He replied, feeling a little relaxed seeing Seungmin wasn’t bent on scolding or yelling at him.

“He is,” Seungmin admitted absentmindedly. Their conversation died right there, with him not knowing what to talk about with Hyunjin. He briefly glanced at the male beside him, & found the boy looking at something with shining eyes & a small pout. He followed the older boy’s gaze, & found the source of the problem soon enough. He couldn’t help but snicker at that.

Of course, Hyunjin still liked the cotton candy.

“Do you want one?” He found himself asking soon after that.

When Hyunjin looked back at him with confusion swirling in his dark eyes Seungmin exhaled defeatedly; a hand already reaching out to the other. And, as soon as his fingers wrapped around Hyunjin’s left hand, he started walking; dragging the confused boy along with him. He could hear Hyunjin stuttering about something from behind but pointedly ignored them. He only stopped when he reached the old man who was selling the cotton candies.

“Y-you don’t have to!” Hyunjin protested when he saw the other boy pulling out a few coins from his pocket & dropping them in the old man’s hand. But once again, he got ignored. So, he helplessly stood there, realizing Seungmin wasn’t really gonna listen to him.

“You really didn’t have to-” Hyunjin muttered under his breath, timidly taking the candy from Seungmin’s hand when he was offered it.

But Seungmin wanted to. But he decided not to say it out loud. He silently watched the older boy, who soon got lost in his struggle battle with the plastic wrapper surrounding the treat. It was fun to see Hyunjin in these moments. His eyebrows were pulled together in the middle, bottom lips jutted out like a baby as he concentrated on untying the death knot under the candy. He could’ve just torn open the wrapper easily, but no. Hyunjin had always been against that. He wasn’t really a perfectionist, but for some reason, he didn’t like to barbarically tear open any packages or their wrappings. He’d always take his sweet time untying the knots & tapes, making sure to cause minimal to no damage to the packages. On the other hand, Jisung & Jeongin, the impatient duo of their family would rip open the packages every single time; for which Hyunjin had complained to Seungmin at least a couple hundreds time since their childhood.

The weight in his heart suddenly felt a little less heavy than before. The knowledge of Hyunjin still being the same person even after losing his memories might be the reason. Maybe he should’ve realized it earlier, that a person might forget everything but his natural behavior. No wonder Hyunjin was still soft-spoken & awkward around strangers. He was still a kid on the inside, even though he might be the tallest one among the eight of them. The way his eyes sparkled at the sight of the candy, the ghost of a smile on his lips when he took the first bite, the way he looked back at Seungmin with gratitude swirling in his chocolate eyes-

It was hard to look away from him.

And, it was harder to remember why he wanted to hate him in the first place.

It was around 8:30 of the same night when Chan came knocking on his door with their dinner. Hyunjin paused whatever he was doing & hurried to the door, knowing Chan couldn’t open it with his hands busy carrying their dinner. But to his surprise, the older man wasn’t alone today. Jisung was peeking over the older man’s broad back. When his eyes met with Hyunjin, he broke into a shy smile.

It was new, to have dinner with someone other than Chan. And, surprisingly it was also a silent dinner. Usually, Chan would be talking about his day & the things he saw in his way animatedly. Hyunjin would listen to them with undivided attention. But, with a new addition today, Hyunjin wasn’t sure what to do or how to act. Jisung also looked the same; confused & a little under pressure (?) with the new environment. Hyunjin wondered if it was okay for Jisung to be here.

He wondered if others were okay with Jisung having dinner with him. He didn’t want everyone to be upset with Jisung because of him.

So, when Jisung left after their unusual silent dinner, he decided to ask Chan.

“They are not upset. A little surprised at the sudden change. But not upset.” Chan assured him without missing a beat.

“What if they are? What if they stop talking with him because of me?” Hyunjin didn’t want that. He had seen the smile of the older man getting strained more & more after he came here. He had witnessed a few events, where Chan was completely ignored by Minho & Changbin whenever he was around. He didn’t need another person to lose the brightness of his smile. He couldn’t be able to bear to be the reason behind it.

Chan pressed his lips in a half smile; a hand reaching over to Hyunjin, patting his head affectionately. He loved doing it. It always had been like that, him patting the younger members’ heads every now & then. While a few, like- Seungmin, Minho & Jeongin, complained because of it, Hyunjin & Felix were vocal about loving the gesture. So, whenever he was with Hyunjin, his hand automatically would land on top of the younger’s head, patting it before his mind could register what he was doing. Good thing that Hyunjin still liked that. Every time Chan patted him, he’d simply lean more into the touch, melting against his hand like butter.

“Jinnie” He purposefully slipped out the name, relishing the familiar nickname rolling out of his tongue once again. “Jisung is his own person. He’s allowed to make his own decision & stand by it as long as he wants to.” He smiled at the younger boy. “The others; Minho, Seungmin, Changbin, Felix & Jeongin. They wouldn’t do anything intentionally that would hurt Jisung. They might have been upset with me, but they had a reason to be. I said a few things that I could’ve worded better. Besides, I am the eldest one here, I should’ve known throwing you all in a situation wouldn’t make everything okay. I should’ve given you time & tell you more about us before shoving you in front of them. Just like I shouldn’t have done the same with them. And, I’m still sorry about that.” He apologized once again.

“Hyung I-”

“Jinnie, believe me when I say this to you,” Chan interrupted Hyunjin, knowing the boy was nothing but insecure & scared even though he never voiced it out. He cupped a side of Hyunjin’s face gently as if the boy would break under his touch. “They don’t hate you. They will never be able to hate you.”

A single drop of tear glided down Hyunjin’s face as he shook his head in denial. “You don’t know that, hyung. You can’t know everyone’s feelings.”

Chan’s heart ached at the sight. Of course, he didn’t know everyone’s feelings. It was impossible to do so. But one thing he knew was that the others didn’t hate Hyunjin. They were physically & mentally incapable of doing so.

“Hyunjin, they are just upset. They were heartbroken when you left.” Chan cupped the tear-stained face of the younger with both hands, gently pulling up to make the younger look at him. He hated to see Hyunjin cry. He hated not being able to soothe the pain in the younger’s heart. He hated that his words weren’t enough to pull Hyunjin out of his insecurities. “They just need time, Jinnie. It might hurt in the beginning, but they’ll come around. Jisung did, didn’t he? Seungmin too, right?” Chan had seen the smile of adoration on Seungmin’s face for Hyunjin today. He had seen everything from a distance.

“But what if… What if they don’t?” Hyunjin bargained, eyes never straying away from the glossy eyes of the older man. “What if they realize one day that they really don’t want me anymore?”

“Then Hyung will be with you.” Chan promised, “I’ll forever be with you.”

Chapter Text

So, things happened like this-

Chan was in the kitchen, Seungmin beside him. Both of them had taken the breakfast duty today, kicking (not really) a complaining Minho out of the kitchen. The second eldest resorted in braiding Felix’s long blonde hair, while the younger was laughing, watching the feud between Jeongin & Jisung which had Changbin threatening the chaotic duo to lock inside the washroom. But as always, Changbin’s threat was ignored & he grumpily made his way to the kitchen. But he was shooed away from there as well for being a disaster in the kitchen. Demotivated, he pulled a chair out & sat there with an unserious scowl on his face, time to time grumbling about how these people liked to play with his fragile heart.

Seungmin was washing his hands, when he noticed Chan preparing a plate, most probably for Hyunjin since the boy always had his meals in his room, & placing them on the tray. He looked back at the door, & found Changbin already sitting at the table & calling the others for breakfast in his loud booming voice. A sudden thought came to his mind. What if-

“Is that for Hyunjin?”

Chan hummed, placing a glass of orange juice on the tray. “Yeah, I think he’s awake now. He always wakes up early on our off days. Maybe it’s because of all the yelling in the house.” He chuckled, which was followed by a loud shriek from Jisung who was apparently chasing their youngest to the dining table.

Seungmin briefly glanced over the chaos & snorted when he found Minho dragging the chaotic duo by their ears to their designated chairs. When looked back at Chan again, the older was already picking up the tray, ready to leave.

“Hyung…” Seungmin called out, stopping the older man who looked up at him with curious eyes. Seungmin bit his lips, pondering if he should really do it. But then again, one of them had to step in sooner or later. So why not now?

“Why don’t you ask him to have breakfast with all of us?”

Hyunjin had just woken up & was barely able to process whatever that was going around him when Chan knocked on his door. The older man was saying something about breakfast & Seungmin, but Hyunjin’s mind was still lagging due to the sleep hanging in his eyes. He couldn’t understand most of the things but ended up nodding to whatever the older man said because it was Chan. And, Chan never said unnecessary things, nor had put him into weird situations ever since he met the man.

So, when Chan hurried him to freshen Hyunjin didn’t think much of it. He just let the older man gently push him inside the washroom, saying he’d wait outside. Hyunjin actually forgot what day it was, & about the fact that the others were actually at home today. He freshened up as fast as he could, brushing his teeth for only ten seconds when Chan knocked on the washroom door, asking if he was done. By the time he was out of the washroom, his mind decided to finally start working. But before he could catch on to the situation he was about to be thrown in, Chan’s hand curled around his wrist & started pulling him downstairs. It was only then when he was standing in the middle of the staircase, having a full view of the dining table with six people silently sitting there & two chairs still empty beside them, Hyunjin understood what was going on.

The sight of everyone together made him want to run up the stairs & hide inside his room for the next few hours. But the smile on Chan’s face was so big & bright that, he ended up keeping his mouth shut & follow the older man to the table with his eyes downcast. He didn’t dare to look up at anyone when the older man pulled a chair for him, then gently guided him to the empty seat. He was already feeling nauseous at the whole situation. But to his relief & only comfort, Chan decided to sit beside him.

To his surprise, the breakfast was pretty normal. The others were chatting with one another, purposefully avoiding his whole existence. Well, not everyone. Chan was there for him, asking him from time to time if he needed more butter or another fill of orange juice. It was almost halfway to their breakfast when he realized that Seungmin was sitting on his other side, & was asking him in a small voice if he needed another toast. Hyunjin found his voice stuck in his throat, so he ended up shaking his head timidly. He could barely finish the one that was sitting on his plate, glaring at him in accusation.

“So,” Jisung suddenly started, “Mike asked yesterday if you’ll be able to play with them today.”

Hyunjin almost didn’t catch that, because he thought Jisung was talking with someone else. But when the whole table suddenly went quiet & he felt a gentle nudge from Chan, he looked up with wide eyes & found Jisung staring at him. And for some reason, the younger’s face was slowly turning pink.

“I’m sorry? Did you say something to me?” Hyunjin blinked in confusion, voice apologetic.

Jisung pressed his lips in a thin line, feeling a little embarrassed at the sudden attention of everyone. Like the introvert & shy person he was, he wanted nothing more than to crawl back to his room at that moment. But he couldn’t, not when Hyunjin was sitting right in front of him, looking both nervous & confused. He had been noticing the older boy’s stiffened posture the moment he followed Chan to the table. He could guess that the boy might be worried to sit with all of them again after their first time being a complete disaster. So, for Hyunjin, Jisung had to be the braver one at least this once.

“The kids…” he found himself saying again, “they’d be here this afternoon. They were asking if you wanted to play today.” Jisung was clenching his hands under the table; a part of him felt relieved, while another wanted to scream at the others for staring at them. And, from the way Hyunjin shifted in his seat & was trying to make his tall figure look smaller, Jisung could tell the older boy was also stressed at the sudden attention that was directed at them. He wanted to reach out & hold Hyunjin’s hand, tell him that he could just go back to his room if he felt uncomfortable. But then again, he didn’t know if he should really do that. For once, others didn’t act badly when Seungmin mentioned about having breakfast with all of them, including Hyunjin. So, this could be the beginning of something good.

Hyunjin looked down at his plate, biting his lower lip, mulling over what to say. But the weight of the stares he was receiving wasn’t really helping him here. Last night he had gone to sleep with a thought in his mind. Actually, he had been thinking about it for a while now. He wanted to talk about that with Chan today. But he also liked playing with the kids & Jisung.

“Maybe… another day?” His reply almost sounded like a question. He really wanted to make good use of the time today, with Chan’s help. But when he saw Jisung’s face fall, he immediately panicked. “O-or maybe, I can play today if you don’t mind me getting a little late.” He added nervously.

Jisung’s face brightened up immediately, but then he realized something. Getting late? Hyunjin was going somewhere today?

He looked at Chan, who also had a confused expression painted on his face, meaning he also had no idea. Jisung was about to ask Hyunjin but then thought maybe he shouldn’t pry (?). Hyunjin might not like that. But luckily for him, & the others who were silently listening to them & not even trying to pretend that they weren’t, Chan decided to ask Hyunjin.

“You have other plans?” Chan couldn’t help but ask, very much confused about the situation.

Hyunjin briefly glanced at the older, as if he was trying to say something. Then his eyes fell on Felix & Jeongin, who was frowning for some reason. It made him more nervous. Hyunjin was comfortable talking with Chan, but with everyone listening to them- he wasn’t sure how to bring up the topic. But when the older man still stared at him, even more, confused with the desperate look he was given earlier, Hyunjin knew he had no other choice but to say it here, in front of everyone. Besides, everyone was bound to learn about it sooner or later.

He just hoped it wouldn’t cause any chaos in the house again.

“I was wondering if you could take me to the city today.” Hyunjin started with a small voice, clasping his hands tight as he turned slightly toward Chan.

Chan nodded in understatement, frown almost melting back on his forehead. “Do you need something? In that case, we can leave as soon as we’re finished with the breakfast.” He offered the younger with a gentle smile.

Hyunjin felt more nervous. He suddenly wanted to curse the deities up there, for making him so awkward. It wasn’t like what he wanted was something outrageous, or something that could be bad for him or any of the people in this house. Yet he was here, sitting distressed & most probably looking awkward as hell.

“I don’t need anything.” His tongue darted out, wetting the lower lips in swift motion out of nervousness. He tried to calm down his worried heart by assuring him that it was okay to say what he wanted in the town. Chan would understand. He always did.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while…” He paused for a second, “Looking for a job, I mean.”

There he said it. He felt the tension leaving his body as soon as he managed to spill out the words. But soon they came back crawling when he realized Chan didn’t say anything yet. Worried, he looked up at Chan & found the man staring at him as if he had grown a second head. And, it stung. Right in the middle of his heart.

Maybe he should’ve just stayed quiet.

In the end, Chan didn’t seem upset & even encouraged him asking if he had anything specific in mind. When he shook his head, the older man suggested about looking around the city & see the jobs available at the moment. Others remained quiet in the matter, slowly going back to their breakfast. But they also didn’t look carefree & chatty unlike they were at the beginning. Hyunjin tried not to think too much of it, & decided to excuse himself back to his room when he noticed was done.

Everyone was downstairs, scattered around the floor doing their own work or lazing around when Chan & Hyunjin left for the city. The house was enveloped in a palpable tension as soon as the door was closed from the other side.

Seungmin looked around, pressing his lips in a thin line when he realized the situation. No one was quite happy with the sudden decision Hyunjin made & Chan supported him once again. Even before the war, Hyunjin used to work in a painting shop. Then what was different now? He couldn’t understand. So, he decided to ask after an hour of silence.

And, Minho was the first one to answer.

“Because I don’t understand why he’d want to,” Minho stated, looking visibly upset for someone who claimed not to care about Hyunjin. Felix nodded along, while the others kept quiet.

Seungmin pressed his lips in a line, unimpressed with the answer. “Why wouldn’t he? He used to before if you guys have forgotten.”

Something flashed in Minho’s eyes. Anger? Pain? Disappointment? Seungmin couldn’t pinpoint exactly.

“I haven’t forgotten anything.” Minho said, eyes set on Seungmin. “But things are not like before. He’s not the same as before.” He averted his eyes when he said the last line. Minho meant Hyunjin's new hand.

“Besides,” Changbin suddenly chipped in from the corner of the room, face blank. “Seven of us already work & earn more than enough. I’m sure that’s enough for him. At least for now. & If he really needed money for something... It doesn’t look like he’s uncomfortable with Chan Hyung.” There was a hint of bitterness in his voice as if he was accusing Hyunjin.

It was true. Things weren’t the same as before. But sooner or later, Hyunjin had to learn to adjust to his new self in this new environment. But he was also sure Hyunjin wasn’t looking for a job to earn money for himself. He wasn’t like that. And he also didn’t like the way Changbin was accusing Hyunjin, feeling bitter about Hyunjin being comfortable with the only person who had accepted him.

“For one, you guys know it’s not really about money. Hyunjin was never after money.” He gave a pointed look at Changbin, who looked away. “And, are you really blaming for him being close to the only person who had given his identity back?” He exhaled, trying to calm down. He didn’t want to argue here. But nowadays talking with others seemed to drain his energy, as well as mental peace. How had they become like this?

He chambered up on his legs, showing he was done talking with a group of immature adults. He ignored Jisung & Jeongin’s concerned calls & Changbin’s guilty gaze & stormed out of the room. He could hear footsteps following him, but didn’t wait to see who it was. He was upset. He was angry. With all of them.

“Hyung!” Joengin called out, & Seungmin finally stopped; exhaling heavily as he tried to calm down. He didn’t want to snap at their youngest. “Innie, let’s talk later, okay?”

Before Jeongin could say anything, Seungmin was walking inside their room, slamming the door behind him making sure everyone in the house heard clearly.

Jeongin was left alone in the empty hallway. He didn’t follow Seungmin, when he was clearly asked not to. But he was worried about the older one. It was rare for Seungmin to react like this. The older boy was usually calm & collected despite the situation, & always stayed level-headed whenever an argument broke out in the house. To see him like this, Jeongin really didn’t know what to do.

Should he wait in the hallway for the older one to calm down? But he didn’t even know how long that was gonna take. He also didn’t want to go back downstairs, back in the midst of the deafening silence. He had his own baggage to carry, & the weight of that was already crushing him inside. He didn’t need others to add on top of that.

At that moment his eyes fell on Hyunjin’s door, the entrance to the room where he had spent nights with Hyunjin, staying awake making paper flowers & hearts, humming songs & laughing at each other’s misshaped origami. Ever since Hyunjin left them, he didn’t dare to walk inside that room alone. Scared, that he wouldn’t be able to take it.

But now Hyunjin was back. His hyung was back again, & he just wanted to walk inside that room & never leave again.

The room looked the same, just like Jeongin had seen the last time more than a year ago. The bed was still messy, like other times. Hyunjin didn’t like tidying up the bed.

“It’s just gonna get messy soon again!”

It felt like Hyunjin never left them. Those twelve months felt like nothing but a nightmare, that he had managed to wake up from. He let out a shaky laugh seeing the torn pages filled with doodles; weirdly all drawn by pen. He stepped closer & grabbed the papers; eyes scanning the doodles, noticing the slightly trembling lines & imperfect shapes of the doodles. Back then Hyunjin’s hands never shook. He was always confident in what he drew. Hyunjin took pride in his sketches. But these doodles were telling another story. His hyung wasn’t the same anymore. It might be a small thing, but Jeongin now knew even the smallest things mattered. The posture Hyunjin had now screamed how insecure & doubtful he was of himself.

He settled the papers in a neat pile & opened the drawer to put them inside; just like he used to do before. Taking care of Hyunjin’s smallest things without any words. And Hyunjin would return the gesture by pulling him into warm hugs, babying him no matter how much he protested.

The drawer opened with a muted creaking sound, revealing multiple broken pencils. Confused, he picked them up & soon felt his heart drop as the realization fell over him like a bucket of cold water. Hyunjin was unable to hold the pencils with his hand now. That was why he was doodling with a pen. & That was also the reason behind the trembling lines & uneven shaping.

Joengin hastily wiped the tears escaping from his eyes with the back of his hand, fingers still gripping tight the papers.

“Don’t cry… Don’t cry…” He tried to console himself, now using both hands to wipe the uncontrollable tears furiously. But no matter what, the tears wouldn’t stop, nor the ache in his heart would go away. The pain felt unbearable, almost as if something sharp was piercing through his heart. A heart-wrenching sob eventually came out, making him go weak on his knees. He crouched down on the floor, unable to stand on his feet anymore.

He didn’t know how long he stayed there, nor did he know how long did cry in the silence of the room. Eventually, he heard the door open behind him. He heard his name being called in a familiar voice, still sounding the same. But he couldn’t reply. The pain in his heart only doubled hearing Hyunjin’s worry-filled voice, making it harder for him to breathe. It was making him unable to function properly and say all the things he wanted to say to his hyung.

All he could do was cry more at the feeling of Hyunjin’s hands on his face, gentle voice trying to comfort him.

Jeongin missed this. He missed Hyunjin so much, that he forced himself to forget the man at some point. He thought he had succeeded. But it turned out, he was only hiding from his heart. The longing & the pain, both were still inside his heart, now erupting like a volcano.

Hyunjin was panicking. He didn’t know what Joengin was doing in his room, or why he was in such a state. No matter how much he tried to coax the younger boy to stop crying, and tell him what was wrong- Jeongin would only cry.

His heart felt heavy, his eyes were stinging from the tears he was trying to hold back. But he couldn’t, not when Jeongin almost curled up on his lap, fingers curled in his shirt tightly, still sobbing like a child. Hyunjin didn’t know why he was crying, or why his heart was hurting watching the younger boy cry. He didn’t know how to comfort. For the nth time, he felt helpless for not being able to remember anything from his past. He felt guilty for forgetting these people, who were still hurting because of him.

“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin apologized, even though he couldn’t remember what he did. He pulled the boy closer, arms wrapping tightly around the younger as if he was scared to let go. Just then two other people hurried inside his room but stopped near the door. Hyunjin looked up, eyes blurred from tears, & found Chan & Minho staring with wide worried eyes.

He felt sorry. For everything, he had done.

“I’m sorry, hyung…” For what I forgot.

“I’m so sorry…” For being the only one, who didn’t have to carry the pain.

“I’m so sorry, hyung…” For living the borrowed life that I don't deserve.

Chapter Text

“Jeongin, would you be okay alone?” Ms. Sophie asked, taking a swift glance at the young boy behind him.

Jeongin looked up from the lace in his hand, attention now on his employer. “Yeah, I’m sure I can handle the shop until you return.” He nodded with a smile, assuring the older lady.

Ms. Sophie wrapped her red woolen muffler around her neck, letting it sit comfortably there. “Okay, then. But you can really take a break now, kid. It won’t hurt you to laze around a few minutes in between.” She reminded the younger boy once again in a gentle encouraging tone.

Jeongin shook his head, even though he knew the lady had her back to him. “I’m more than fine, Ms. Sophie. But I’ll keep it in my mind.” He forced a big smile on his lips when she looked over at him. The lady stared at him for a few seconds, before slowly nodding with a smile.

The lady reached out for the deep maroon hat sitting on the table beside her, & placed it on top of his head. Her face contorted in a displeased expression at the first sight of her reflection. She didn’t like how the hat looked on her. She then grabbed a deep beige shade hat, placed it on her & tilted slightly to her left, creating a slope. Her features brightened as she admired herself in the mirror for at least ten seconds before she grabbed her bag & checked if she had the necessary documents with her. Done & assured, she threw one last glance at Jeongin before leaving.

Jeongin’s vibrant big smile dulled as soon as the door closed in front of him; leaving him alone in the shop with no one to see his wry smile & red-rimmed eyes. It was hard to keep smiling for everyone, hiding the pain he was feeling. Ever since that night, he felt a new barrier between Hyunjin & them. As if Hyunjin wasn’t already far enough from their reach, he took another step back; curling back into his shell again. He stopped interacting with everyone the next morning. No matter how many times Chan tried to talk with him, and asked him to come down- Hyunjin would simply shake his head at the offer. Jeongin, along with Jisung & Seungmin would watch him from the door.

Jeongin felt like it was his fault, even though Chan & Minho had assured him otherwise. But he still couldn’t help but blame himself. Why did he have to be so nosey? Why didn’t he leave before Hyunjin came back & saw him crying beside his bed? Why didn’t he stop Hyunjin from apologizing for things the older man didn’t even remember?

Why did he let Hyunjin feel like he was the one to blame?

Jeongin looked down at the rose-pink lace on his hand & gently started to fold it in the shape of petals; then carefully sewed them in place. It felt good; to make flowers, thread them to the canvas hats, making a new one. It felt comforting because he was used to this, thanks to Ms. Sophie who took the time to teach him all the niceties required for crafting. He polished up the ones he had learned from Hyunjin. When he first stumbled here, the lady wasn’t quite fond of the idea of hiring a boy. But after he showed him a few of the crafts that Hyunjin had taught him over the years, she was quite surprised & impressed to know a boy could stitch like that. She asked where did he learn those.

“My hyung… he taught me these.”  

At that time it was both, easy & hard to take Hyunjin’s name. Easy, because Hyunjin was one of the biggest truths of his life. Hard, because Hyunjin wasn’t with him anymore, but his presence was all around Jeongin.

Had Jeongin ever hated Hyunjin?

No. It was practically impossible for him to do so. 

He was upset. Heartbroken to be left behind. He was terrified of the idea of Hyunjin not loving him anymore. Maybe that was why it was easier to accept Hyunjin’s death news.

Jeongin let out a bitter chuckle. Who was he trying to fool here? He hastily wiped the tears from his eyes & took a shaky breath. Nothing was easy. He knew the Changbin looked for Hyunjin every single day even though he claimed he didn’t. He saw Seungmin secretly asking people around if they saw a boy of his age with dark black hair & a mole under his eyes. He had seen Felix holding onto the hope that Hyunjin would come back & explain everything. He saw Minho & Jisung struggle on their own, trying hard to control the pain & anger. And, Chan. He looked scared.  

Then one day, a friend of Changbin came knocking on their door & told them Hyunjin was most probably dead. He had seen Hyunjin in the northern camp where the enemies had dropped a bomb a few days ago. Jeongin remembered them mourning. He remembered how much he had cried until he fell asleep. There were nights when he’d hear Seungmin cry in the corner of their shared room when the older boy thought he was sleeping. He saw Minho holding a certain blue ceramic mug, staring down at it with glossy eyes & pursed lips.

Jeongin used to dream of Hyunjin a lot. They’d start with a happy memory but always end with Hyunjin walking away, leaving them alone. He’d often wake up in panic calling his hyung, begging him to come back. Sometimes it was Chan who held him close, sometimes it was Seungmin. But mostly Minho, who’d end up silently crying with him.

Even now, when Hyunjin was back they were crying & making Hyunjin cry. He wanted it to stop. He wanted to see his Hyung happy. He wanted all of them to be happy.

Was that too much to ask for?

Changbin was confused. He had been waiting in front of Hyunjin’s door for a while now. Felix had seen him a while ago & sent a small encouraging smile before he hid in his room. He wanted to drag the younger back & ask him to stay for mental support. But he knew there were some things he needed to do alone.

Suddenly the door opened, causing Changbin to flinch & stumble back. Wide-eyed, he stared at the taller boy who for some reason didn’t look surprised.

“I saw your shadow,” Hyunjin explained on his own, voice small as he averted his eyes away- suddenly interested in the door knob.

Changbin immediately looked down on instinct. Of course. Hyunjin had seen his shadow through the small gap under the door. “Uh… yeah.” He scratched his head, face feeling a little warm. A little embarrassed to get caught like this. Hyunjin didn’t look up at him, nor did he say anything after that. The Hyunjin he knew would’ve been laughing at him, teasing how he couldn’t stay away from the boy.

Changbin let out a small sigh. He reached back & pulled out a folded paper. “Can we…” He paused, letting his mind pick better words to approach. “I thought you might want to look at this.” he held out the paper, watching a little anxiously as Hyunjin stared at him.

What if Hyunjin doesn’t take it? What if he just-

The train of his worries came to a halt when Hyunjin hesitantly reached out & carefully took the paper from him. He let out a breath that he didn’t even know was holding back. He waited as the younger carefully unfolded the paper. a confused frown soon settled on the boy’s face before they melted back. Hyunjin looked back at him, confused & surprised.

Changbin, for the first time ever since the younger came back, smiled, “I thought you’d be interested.”

-----

Changbin wasn’t sure how he was feeling. Happy? Proud? Guilty? Nostalgia? Maybe, just lucky.

He was currently waiting outside, under the scorching sun of the summer while Hyunjin was in his first-ever interview. Well, not really the first one. But the boy had no memories of the past, so it could be counted as his first, right?

Folding his arms over his chest, he looked around the area. Sometimes, smiling & nodding in greetings when a few familiar faces would pop out from the crowd. Every now & then, he’d turn back & steal glances at the younger. Hyunjin didn’t look pressured or scared. Maybe a little nervous when he walked inside the place.

But what worried Changbin was the fact that Hyunjin was taking quite a time for his small interview. He really hoped Hyunjin would get the job. After all, the younger did like painting before. It had been a little over a week since Jeongin’s breakdown. A week since Changbin found out the exact reason.

Hyunjin couldn’t draw anymore. He wasn’t able to hold a pencil without breaking it into halves with his new hands. Changbin would lie to everyone that he hadn’t cried that night, unable to sleep with scenarios running through like a movie in his mind. But he couldn’t lie to himself.

He still cared about Hyunjin. Enough to sit under the tree right beside the younger’s window & watch the wilted shadow of his precious Hyunjin wishing it was all a bad dream.

With an aching heart, he’d wonder if Hyunjin was crying. If Hyunjin wanted to run away from them again. Because, deep in his heart he knew they all, except Chan, had hurt the boy ever since he came back. For the first time ever, he wondered if Chan was right.

Why were they punishing someone for something he couldn’t even remember? Wasn’t he grateful to the God above for sending back the lost piece of their puzzle?

He looked back over his shoulder at the gentle chime of the bell. Hyunjin slightly bowed at the old man- the owner of the shop before walking out & closing the door behind him. Chagbin fully turned, hands unfolding as he anxiously waited.

Hyunjin looked back at him, eyes glossy as he exhaled heavily. A small wavering smile stretched on his lips, “I got the job.”

“Thank you.”

Changbin halted on his step, a hand hovering over the knob. He looked back & found Hyunjin standing a few steps distance from him. The younger was fumbling with a loose thread of his shirt, eyes downcasted- refusing to look at Changbin. It had been like this the whole time. As much as Changbin disliked this distance & hesitations between them, he also felt a little relieved. He could stare at the boy for hours like this.

“Why?” He asked, even though he had an idea already.

Hyunjin’s fingers tightened on the shirt ever so slightly. “For the job.” His voice was small but grateful. He looked up, meeting Changbin’s eyes. “Thank you.” Then again he looked away.

Changbin could hear Jisung’s boisterous laugh coming from inside. He could hear Seungmin complaining about something, while Felix asked around if anyone knew when was Changbin & Hyunjin coming back. Maybe Changbin should drop the whole thing here, & head back to the others with the younger.

But he didn’t want to. It wasn’t something new for Hyunjin to thank him for every small thing Changbin did for him. But never did the boy look so small beside him. And, without a smile.

“Why did you want a job?” Changbin ended up asking instead.

Hyunjin bit his lips. “I…” he paused, not knowing if he should really answer that. No matter what he did or said ended up causing problems for the people around him.

Changbin waited for a minute, watching the boy struggle. He released the knob & turned back, now fully facing the younger boy who only stiffened at the action. “Hyunjin,” he called out, making the boy slowly look up at him. “Why do you think I took you for the interview today?”

Hyunjin stayed silent. He didn’t know. He had no idea why the older man had been sitting outside his window every night for the past week. He didn’t know why the older man was standing outside his door with a job flier. He didn’t know why the man was suddenly being nice to him when he used to frown every time Hyunjin was anywhere near him & left.

He didn’t know anything. And, the people of this house wouldn’t let him.

Changbin let out a small sigh, eyes straying to the burnt field on the other side of the road. A small smile curled up on his lips as memories played behind his eyes. Hyunjin liked to sit on the grass with his small pencil that was hard to grab & a drawing pad that Chan had given him, sketching the small flowers & the green grass. Sometimes, Changbin would be there with him, annoying the younger asking him again & again sketch him. And, Hyunjin would sometimes laugh, sometimes he’d scrunch his nose playfully.

“For free? Not happening!”

Changbin immediately sat straight. “What do you want? Just name it to hyung!” he was very much serious.

Hyunjin giggled loudly, hiding half of his face behind his large hand, eyes curling into half-moons. “I’m just joking, hyung! You don’t have to get me anything.”

Hyunjin did make a sketch of him, & left it under his pillow. Changbin had run around, showing everyone how his precious Hyunjinnie had drawn him. He had landed a number of wet kisses on the younger’s temple & hugged the daylight out of him making Hyunjin whine until Seungmin had stolen the boy away- accusing Changbin of hogging up Hyunjin all to himself.

“You loved drawing.” Changbin was still looking at the field, lost in their memories. “You loved to draw anything & everything.” He still had little Hyunjin’s small drawings on worn-out papers that they found near dumpsters back then. He had every single of them even though the younger had thrown them out when he wasn’t satisfied with them.

“There was nothing that made you more happy than charcoals & inks. There were times when we were often chased out by people because you couldn’t hold back yourself & ended up messing up the pristine white walls.” A breathy laugh escaped past his lips remembering how the younger Chan had literally thrown a sickly Hyunjin up on his shoulder & ran so that Hyunjin would be safe.

His eyes traveled back to Hyunjin who was now looking at him with wide eyes & parted lips. Changbin smiled fondly. “I was the one who used to sneak wasted inkpots & broken charcoals from the dumpsters for you. Chan hyung was biased as hell. He never scolded you for messing up people’s walls. Because what was done was done. Then he’d scold me for not stopping you when I had the chance.”

He ignored how the voices behind the door suddenly went silent. He ignored the passers-by who threw curious glances at them. He ignored everything & everyone but Hyunjin.

“I was scared with the idea of hurting you. So, I never stopped you from doing what you love. Neither, I let you stop from chasing your dreams.” His eyes were suddenly burning & breath faltering as he tried to keep going on. Hyunjin wasn’t any better. His eyes were shining too as his lips wobbled with every word that came out from Changbin’s mouth.

“We might have differences between us. We might be nothing but strangers to each other at the moment. But I don’t want you to stop, Hyunjin.” Changbin inhaled sharply, begging his heart not to hold back anymore. “If you can’t hold a pencil, then don’t. Hold something else. Something that won’t break you.”

His hands curled into fists as he watched the first drop of a tear rolling down the younger’s face. He wanted to reach out & wipe the tears. Then, pull the boy into his arms & tell him that everything would be fine. But he didn’t know if he still could after everything.

Instead, he looked away & tried to blink his tears back. “The paint brushes aren’t that fragile like the pencils. You have to be either very unlucky or, very angry to break them. And, I far as I know you… You’re neither unlucky… nor someone with a bad temper.” he took a small glance at the younger who was silently crying, eyes downcasted at the floor.

A small smile curled up on his lips when Hyunjin looked up at him- tears staining his face as his whole face flushed in a red hue. He looked like the same as the 9-year-old boy Changbin found crying on the sidewalk with bruises on his knees. He remembered promising the 9-year-old that he’d not let the boy fall again as they walked aimlessly through the busy street of the city hand in hand.

“You’ll be fine, Hyunjin-ah. You can still chase your dreams.”

He had made a promise.

“Hyung will make sure you won’t fall again.”

And, he intended to keep it.

Chapter Text

“Let’s leave this place.”

The room instantly fell silent as soon as Hyunjin said that. Hyunjin could tell how surprised they were. He could feel their eyes on him; confused.

Chan glanced at the others, wondering if anyone had any idea about it. Seeing everyone equally clueless as him, he turned back to Hyunjin. “Hyunjin?” he gently called the other, “What do you mean?”

Hyunjin looked up from his dinner. His brows were pulled together as he looked at the older one. He looked upset about something.

“Let’s move somewhere else.” Hyunjin looked around the table, “A new place. A new house.”

Minho frowned at the suggestion. Hyunjin was talking like they had enough money to just hop around from one place to another. But the younger knew it wasn’t possible. This house had cost them a fortune. They had literally spent away every single penny they had saved over the years just to secure a shed over their heads.

“Why?” Chan asked before Minho could.

Minho stole a quick glance at Chan before looking back at Hyunjin. “Is there anything wrong?” he added, suddenly feeling a little worried. If it was Jisung who had said this, he could’ve just waved a hand at the boy & forget about it. But for Hyunjin to bring up the topic of moving was unusual. Hyunjin liked this place. They all did. There had to be something wrong for Hyunjin to suggest this.

But Hyunjin’s shoulder stiffened at the questions. He looked more troubled if it was possible. Minho’s sharp eyes didn't miss the way the younger's fingers tightened around the spoon.

“I…” Hyunjin hesitated, frowning down at the poor radish on his plate. Then he exhaled out after a few seconds of contemplating & shook his head tentatively. “It’s nothing. Forget it.”

Chan blinked in surprise, “Are you sure?” He asked; tone still gentle & confused.

Hyunjin nodded in answer, before stuffing a radish in his mouth- an indication that he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

So, everyone went back to their dinner & previous conversation. But every once in a while, they’d glance at the taller in visible worry. Because Hyunjin was strangely quiet throughout the whole dinner. 

Minho heaved out a frustrated sigh as he closed his eyes again. Sleep had left him long ago. But the dream- the memory was still vivid in his mind. This particular memory was from just a few weeks before Hyunjin left in the middle of the night- without telling anyone. Hyunjin had been agitated for the last couple of weeks before his disappearance.

Minho wasn’t quite sure what was wrong with the younger. He was spending a hella lot of time outside the house. And, whenever he’d come back home he’d get into an argument with one of them. He was acting weird & all jittery whenever they tried to approach him. Then suddenly he stopped going out & locked himself in his room.

He remembered getting upset when Hyunjin refused to come out even after hearing that Felix’s fever had come back worse than before. He didn’t even ask how Felix was when Jeogin & he went to talk with Hyunjin. It was hard to believe this was the same Hyunjin who had volunteered to go to the war, hoping to get some money in return for Felix’s treatment. 

He looked distraught as he stayed curled in the furthest corner of his bed. There were dark circles around his eyes, indicating that he wasn’t sleeping properly. Even though Minho was upset, he couldn’t help but worry for the boy. Seungmin had later asked if it was because of the overall situation. Enemies were dropping bombs from the sky in the middle of the night. Killing people like ants. 

With the war breaking out, the economy of the country took a hard fall.. There wasn’t much food available, nor were enough medicines for treatment. No one dared to go to the main city, knowing it’d be any moment that the enemy would take over. It had taken a nasty troll on all of them. And, they really thought Hyunjin was scared & agitated because of that.

His train of thought was interrupted by a low grumble of his stomach. He looked at the clock on his table & frowned when he noticed the time. It was nearly 2 of the afternoon. “Shit!” He hissed out remembering he had to prepare lunch. He hoped Jisung wasn’t up yet & his kitchen was still intact.

Slipping out from the bed, he grabbed the empty glass from the bedside table & walked out of the room. On his way to the kitchen, he carefully peeked inside Jisung & Changbin’s shared room & sighed in relief when he found the younger sleeping peacefully. He closed the door gently- careful not to wake the other up before making his way to the kitchen.

He didn't want to waste any time thinking about the past.

“Other country?” Hyunjin looked up at Seungmin with a slightly confused frown. “They live here now?” He asked.

Seungmin nodded solemnly, reaching for another egg roll with his chopsticks. “It’s been over a year. Some of them, especially the new government agents moved into the country after the war. It’s mostly to keep an eye on the civilians.” he took a bite & immediately moaned softly at the savory taste. He pushed the box to Hyunjin, ushering him to take a bite.

Hyunjin took a roll for himself, sending a small grateful smile at the other. At the very first bite, his eyes widened at the rich flavor. “This is good!”

Seungmin grinned at that. The money he spent on this had paid off. Everything was expensive after the war. Prices had gone up in a blink, leaving them to struggle to get back on their feet again. Having meals outside was way too fancy for people like them. But he couldn’t help but allow his wallet to take a dent when he saw the egg rolls on the display at a nearby restaurant. Hyunjin liked egg rolls. And, that was enough for him to get the small box & come to find Hyunjin during the lunch break.

“But, why?” Hyunjin asked when he wasn’t distracted by the egg rolls anymore “They already won, didn’t they?”

Seungmin again nodded in reply & stuffed the remaining bite in his mouth at once. He grabbed the napkin from the table & gently wiped his mouth. He was done. “Yeah... But there are rogues here,” he leaned back on the chair & folded his hands over his chest.

Hyunjin frowned in visible confusion.

“The ones who haven’t accepted the outcome yet, & planning to overthrow the new government,” Seungmin explained further. “There are several military agents in the city, often wearing casual clothes, but they carry their badges for identification.” Suddenly, a small frown etched on his forehead, remembering Hyunjin didn’t know how things now worked here. “Try to avoid if you see someone with badges. They aren’t really kind to us,” he warned knowing how troublesome those people could be.

His frown deepened slightly, as he watched Hyunjin silently nodding along. Hyunjin was clueless about the current situation here. Leaving him alone in the main city wasn't really a good idea.

He hoped Hyunjin didn't have to go out of the shop alone. Maybe he or Jeongin could accompany Hyunjin sometimes if the latter really needed to go out.

& speaking about Jeongin….

"I was wondering…" he waited until Hyunjin looked up at him in full attention. "When do you plan to talk with Jeongin?" It's been nearly two weeks already

Hyunjin's posture stiffened almost immediately. His eyes trailed down to the empty paper box as he once again felt guilt crawling in his veins.

"I'm not sure if I should."

Seungmin momentarily frowned at that. Hyunjin looked like he wanted to say more. So, he decided to be patient & listen to the boy first.

Hyunjin fidgeted on the seat, feeling slightly hesitant as he tried to find the right words. "I-I don't really know what happened. But, I-" he paused, feeling the dull ache in his heart returning again.

Seungmin understood. Maybe not the whole situation, but at least Hyunjin's hesitancy. Hyunjin blamed himself even though he didn't know what he did wrong with Jeongin.

He was scared. He didn't want to hurt anyone. He was also scared of getting hurt in the process. Which was a valid reason, Seungmin thought. Ever since he came back, it was a rough journey for him. And, the way they all treated him at the beginning, it was only natural for Hyunjin to blame himself & feel so low about himself.

It pained Seungmin to watch Hyunjin looking so vulnerable & scared all the time. He hated that he was also one of them who made Hyunjin like this.

"I know you're scared. & You have every right to be scared after going through everything. But I can promise you that Jeongin won't hurt you." Seungmin assured the other.

"It's not that," Hyunjin shook his head, "It's not about me."

"I know," Seungmin leaned closer to the table, voice gentle & understanding as he looked at the older boy with unfiltered affection. "There's no way that you can hurt him with just a simple conversation. If anything, Jeongin will be crying again out of happiness." A corner of his lips quirked up.

"He's scared, Hyunjin-ah. He fears that he has hurt you somehow." A small smile curled up on his lips as Hyunjin shook his head in denial almost immediately.

"I'm tired of watching him moping alone in the corner of our room. Almost like a ghost waiting for an opportunity to jump on me," He playfully scrunched his nose, making the older boy let out a chuckle at the sudden change of mood. Seungmin felt slightly better now seeing the smile on the boy’s face.

“Just talk to him, okay?”

Hyunjin took a deep breath, before nodding in affirmation; this time looking less hesitant & scared.

~~~~~

Jeongin, on the other hand, froze as soon as he walked out of his workplace. His eyes went big like saucers at the sight of a nervous Hyunjin, standing right behind Seungmin. His heart started beating fast all of a sudden, then suddenly skipped a few beats when Hyunjin finally looked up & their eyes locked.

Hyunjin’s cheeks slowly turned red as the man sent him an awkward smile & a small hesitant wave in greeting. Then he was again looking down, taking a small step aside to hide behind Seungmin. Jeongin blinked, not knowing what was going on. If he knew Hyunjin would be walking home with them today, he at least would’ve prepared himself before walking out of the shop. 

Nervous & worried, his eyes traveled back to Seungmin who was looking back at him with a big grin- one that he often saw whenever the other was trying to encourage him. He wondered if Seungmin had planned this.

“Are you gonna keep standing there all night?” Seungmin called out in faux impateince.

Jeongin narrowed his eyes at the other in accusation. After almost giving him a panic attack, the man really had the nerve to grin at him. But then, Hyunjin peeked out from the back; a worried frown settled right in the middle of his brows. It was only then that Jeongin realized something. Hyunjin wasn’t really doing any better than him.

They both were nervous. Both were scared. But what surprised him more was that even after feeling the same, it was Hyunjin who decided to take the first step. He might’ve been anxious & feeling different sort of things on his way here- knowing he’d be meeting Jeongin.

Hyunjin did his part, just like always used to. Now it was Jeongin’s turn.

Apparently, Seungmin had made the master plan of picking Jeongin up from his shop after work. Usually, it was Seungmin & Jeongin who walked home together. While Hyunjin would walk with Changbin or Chan, depending on who showed up at the store after work. Felix’s bakery shop was the last stop. Usually, Felix would join the youngest duo if he was done with work, or he’d wait for Chan or, changbin- whoever would go & wait for him to finish.

But Seungmin made sure to convey the older duo to accompany Felix today by practically showing up to their workplaces right after he left the paint shop. Needless to say, both the older were quite surprised with the sudden visits & the request. But they understood immediately when Seungmin mentioned that he invited Hyunjin to walk home with him & Jeongin.

The talk went better than Jeongin expected. Even though they barely acknowledged the main reason behind this situation, he was glad that things were finally starting to get better for him. It was Seungmin who most talked. Actually, he talked more than usual, creating chances for both Jeongin & Hyunjin to join in. And, it worked. They even made fun of Felix’s ex-employer while crossing the bar. The man still hadn’t got a replacement for Felix. 

Seungmin even dared to make fun of Changbin, when Hyunjin mentioned how he had seen the older man getting startled at the sight of a spider & screamed louder than a kid would earlier this morning, on their way to the city. With a devilish smile, Jeongin promised to bring it up later during dinner. He’d love to see Changbin flustered. Hyunjin had laughed then, saying Changbin might actually kick him out if that happened. Which only made Jeongin scoff.

Changbin would do nothing like that. Especially when it was Hyunjin who they were talking about. But he kept the information to himself. It was fun to see Hyunjin being nervous, yet wanting to mess with Changbin. 

Jeongin’s heart felt lighter by the time they reached home. His smile was back on his lips. His hyung was back to him. Maybe it wasn’t like before. But this was much better than not having Hyunjin in his life anymore.

“Why can’t we?!” Hyunjin raised his voice, turning back to find a startled Felix staring up at him with wide eyes. Chan & Jisung were right behind him.

"Why can't we just move to another place?!" He looked at Chan, voice on the edge.

Chan looked conflicted while Jisung looked frustrated. 

"Because we don't have a reason to!" Jisung barked out. "We can't just move to another place just because we-" he paused, before pointing an accusing finger at the other. "-you just got bored!"

Chan rushed between the younger two, trying to stop the argument. But, it was hard. Especially, when Hyunjin refused to back down.

"You don't know anything!" Hyunjin shot back as he took a step closer, eyes red & hard.

“Then tell me what’s wrong!” Jisung pushed past Chan who got in between them hoping to stop the argument. “Because we can’t understand if you keep everything to yourself!”

Hyunjin stared at the others for a few seconds before walking out of the house in a rush. He felt suffocated there. As he slammed the door behind him, he could hear Jisung saying something about him running away all the time. He could hear Chan & Felix calling him. But Hyunjin kept walking as he hastily wiped his tears with the back of his hands.

There was no use telling them. They wouldn’t understand. They would hate him.

Hyunjin woke up covered in sweats. His heart was racing. Tears were clouding his vision. He was finding it hard to breathe. He needed to calm down. With a shaky hand, he reached out to the table. But the glass wasn’t there. He exhaled tiredly as he remembered taking it out for a wash. He must’ve left it in the kitchen.

After waiting for a few more seconds, he carefully slipped off the bed when he was sure that he wasn’t gonna fall down. With shaky steps, he walked out of the room, and then down to the kitchen. He found the glass on the shelf. He settled on the dining table & poured himself some water. The burn in his heart finally seemed to soothe a little as he took a generous sip from the glass.

What was that?

Hyunjin couldn’t help but think about the dream he just had.

Or, was it a memory?

He looked around the place, heart clenching just thinking about leaving this place. He didn’t remember what was it like living here before. But, now- after living here for the last couple of months, he really got attached to this place. Unlike the camp, this place gave him comfort. A dash of warmth that made him want to live.

When he first came here, devoid of any emotions & reason to live, Chan had told him that he used to hate this place & wanted to leave. Back then, Hyunjin couldn’t understand why. But the dream he saw today, just proved that Chan was right. At least, to some extent.

Hyunjin did want to leave. But, there was a reason behind it. A reason that he never got to tell anyone.

A reason that now he didn’t remember.

Diary entry: 13th July, 1912 

I think my memories are slowly coming back. In pieces

Those nightmares I’ve been having ever since I came here… they are way too vivid not to be my real memories…

There would be blood everywhere around me… on my hands…

But today I saw something different… for once I didn’t dream of blood & dead bodies… and, that man… I still don’t remember his face…

I was arguing with Jisung… we both were upset… angry…

I wanted to leave… But Jisung kept asking me why… I couldn’t tell him…

I walked out on him… I walked faster when I heard Felix & Chan hyung calling my name…

I was crying… I felt scared…

I wanted to tell them… But in the end, I didn’t

& now… I don’t even remember it… Maybe this was what I was looking for…

Maybe this was the secret that made me leave…

Hyunjin couldn’t help but wonder if things were gonna get better once he remembered everything. Or, was it gonna ruin everything he had now?

For the first time ever, he felt scared at the idea of remembering his past. He didn’t want to lose these people. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he were to lose them.

Chapter Text

“Seungmin!”

Seungmin looked up from the letters in his hands at the sudden call. His eyes scanned the area & soon landed on the owner of the voice. Hyunjin was grinning at him from a distance; one hand raised up as he waved at Seungmin while the other was occupied with two cotton candies: one pink & another yellow.

As much as Seungmin was happy to see Hyunjin there, he couldn’t help but wonder what the boy was doing there alone. He was about to cross the street, but the boy signed him to stay put. So, he waited & watched as the older boy paid for the treats before taking long strides toward him.

Hyunjin in front of Seungmin & silently held the cotton candies in front of the other, wanting Seungmin to choose one for himself.

“You do know that they all taste the same, don’t you?” Seungmin chuckled as he put back the letters in his bag. He looked at the two colors for a few seconds before reaching out for the yellow one.

Hyunjin hummed, “But we still have a preference when it comes to color, don’t we?” He sauntered to Seungmin’s left, eyeing the knot on the plastic wrap. 

Seungmin nodded in reply, already working on the knot of his candy. “What are you doing here?” He stole a quick glance at the other, the corners of his lips quirking up slightly at the sight of the older boy frowning as he struggled to untie the knot. “Don’t you have to be at work right now?”

Hyunjin narrowed his eyes in concentration, determined to untie the knot. “Mr. Choi is going out of town. So, he gave me the day off.” He mumbled offhandedly.

Seungmin’s nodded. “So are you going home now?” He carefully pulled the wrap. A relieved sigh came out as soon as the candy was out in perfect shape. He looked aside & smiled when he saw Hyunjin grinning wide. He finally managed to get rid of the wrap.

Hyunjin hummed, already taking a big bite & moaning at the sugary taste as the candy melted on his tongue almost immediately. "I'm planning to stop by the market on my.” He turned aside & found Seungmin happily taking a small bite from the candy. He silently stared at the other for a few seconds before-

“Hey, Seungmin?”

Seungmin looked back, a few strings of sugar clinging to his lips. “Yeah?”

Hyunjin smiled at the sight. “Do you wanna come with me?”

As Seungmin stood near the entrance of the fabric shop & waited for Hyunjin to get done with his work, he wondered if this was okay for him to ditch, or more like- delay his work. He still had at least ten letters to deliver. Yet he was there, cluelessly following Hyunjin in the market. And, to think he didn’t even wait ten seconds to say yes to Hyunjin was pretty embarrassing.

Well, his embarrassment was worth the gleeful smile that had stretched on the boy’s lips.

It took another good ten minutes for Hyunjin to waddle over to Seungmin, grinning from ear to ear. He held the small bag up, looking proud & victorious.

“Got the lace at half of the price!” He informed happily, which made Seungmin smile in return.

He took the bag from the older’s hand & peeked inside. “Wah! It’s pretty.” Just by one look at the white embroidered lace, he could tell it was costly enough to leave a dent in the wallet if people didn’t know how to bargain. “How much did it take?” he wondered aloud.

His eyes almost bulged out when Hyunjin held out two fingers proudly. “TWO YEN?!” he exclaimed loudly in shock. Hyunjin looked around in panic before dragging him out of the store urgently. 

“Don’t scream!” Hyunjin frowned at the other, cheeks glowing red from embarrassment.

Seungmin on the other hand looked like he was about to faint. “Hyunjin, you literally spend two yen on this!” he accusingly pointed at the poor lace cowering inside the bag. “That too on just what-" he looked inside the bag, "Just half a meter?!! Wait- is it made of gold?!” he hurriedly tugged his hand out from an embarrassed Hyunjin’s grasp. He grabbed the lace & put it under the sun. It did sparkle at that, but not because of the gold. It was the glittering threads that were used with the off-white yarn on the semi-translucent fabric.

“Those threads are expensive. So are the yarn & the fabric they used.” Hyunjin tried to defend himself, cheeks redder than earlier as stared at the lace with a small pout. “Innie said these types are pretty expensive. So, I already had an idea about the price.”

And, just like that suddenly everything started to make sense to Seungmin. All this time he had been wondering what Hyunjin was gonna do with lace when the boy had bought it for someone else. “Is it for Jeongin?” He asked calmly, voice soft & low unlike a minute ago.

Hyunjin nodded, gently taking the lace from Seungmin & putting it back in the bag. “Last week we came here to buy some laces for his workplace. He really liked this one, but wasn’t sure if he should buy it since it was far more expensive than the normal satin ones he used.”

“So, you bought it for him instead.” Seungmin couldn’t help but feel warm inside when Hyunjin nodded in affirmation. To think Hyunjin had spent his first earnings on something expensive like this, that too for one of them was just the prove how much the boy adored them.

“It’s normal isn’t it?”

Seungmin blinked at the boy, not understanding what the other was talking about.

Hyunjin looked up at Seungmin, “To spend for the people close to me.”

“It is,” Seungmin confirmed, “But that doesn’t mean you always have to buy us things. I’m sure we all can tell how much you like & care about us.” Besides, Hyunjin’s presence around them alone was more than enough.

“I know,” Hyunjin replied in a low voice as they started walking again toward the main square. Knowing the others wanted him in his life, maybe not everyone yet, he felt a thousand times better already. And, he wanted to return the gestures & feelings. By buying Jeongin his laces, or by giving Chanbin a small decoration that he had painted himself. Sometimes by helping Chan in the kitchen- making breakfast. Helping Jisung to cheat in the games even though the kids whined in the complaint.

And, sometimes by spending time with Seungmin & giving him a cotton candy to make his day a little better.

He hoped it was okay with the others. Because he didn’t know if he could ever voice out the gratitude he felt toward these people. Even toward Minho & Felix. They wouldn’t say much but still took care of him in silence. It made him happy. A little less burdened now.

~~~~~

Seungmin didn’t know it would take him this much time to deliver a letter. They were crossing by the fruit market when he remembered that he had a letter to deliver to one of the sellers who went by Mrs. Kwan. He asked Hyunjin to wait outside for a minute, promising that he’d be back soon. But Mrs. Kwan was nowhere to be found. Apparently, the lady had gone to the tax office earlier, & still hadn’t come back. So after waiting for a few more minutes, he informed one of the employees that he’d be back later since he needed to get her to sign on the received receipt.

Seungmin practically ran through the market, knowing Hyunjin had been waiting for a while now. But Hyunjin wasn’t there where he had left him. With a frown perched up on his forehead, he scanned the area & found the boy on the other side of the fountain, near the candy vendor once again. Sighing in relief, he started jogging to the other; an apology already waiting on the tip of his tongue. But as he got closer he noticed two other men who were hidden behind the fountain tower, talking to Hyunjin. Fearing that those were the government agents, he increased his speed.

“...I- I’m really sorry. I don’t remember.”

Seungmin heard Hyunjin stammering apologetically as he stopped beside the older boy. “Is there something wrong?” He asked, eyeing the men carefully who looked pretty surprised at his presence. Hyunjin turned toward him; his tensed posture relaxed almost immediately.

“It’s nothing!” Hyunjin assured, “It’s just they… “ he took a swift glance at the men before looking back at Seungmin. “-said that we met before.”

Seungmin looked at the men who nodded almost immediately in confirmation. “Yeah, we were in the same prison for a few days, before he was taken away.” One of the men looked at Hyunjin, “I don’t know what happened with your memory, but we’re really glad to see you alive, Hyunjin-ah.” A genuine smile stretched out on the man's face, while the other nodded along.

Seungmin’s jaws set hard at the casual tone they used. As if they really knew Hyunjin for a long time. Then, there was also the mention of prison. He glanced at Hyunjin worriedly who looked quite startled & pale all of a sudden. Without any delay, he made up some emergency excuses & took their leave before the men could say anything else.

Seungmin was walking fast, as he nearly dragged a silent Hyunjin with him. He cursed himself for leaving Hyunjin alone. He should’ve brought the boy wi-

He felt a sudden tug from behind. Then a few more weak but persistent ones as if Hyunjin was struggling to break free. Confused & worried, he turned back. Hyunjin looked paler. Jeongin’s gift was on the ground, & Hyunjin was frowning hard as he clutched a side of his head firmly. 

He was in pain.

Seungmin immediately let go of the hand & Hyunjin crashed down on his knees the very next second.

“Hyunjin?!” Alarmed, Seungmin crouched down in front of the other, trying to hold Hyunjin’s gaze. “Hey, look at me! What’s wrong?!” He asked urgently. But Hyunjin didn’t respond. The boy was heaving hard like he had run a mile. He was sweating profusely. Shaking like a leaf; as if it was winter, not summer.

Seungmin cupped the boy's face carefully, calling him out a few more times. But Hyunjin wouldn’t listen to him.

Or, more like he couldn't. His eyes suddenly turned blank as he stared down at the concrete until everything started fading around him.

Chapter Text

“I told you it wasn’t a good idea. But you guys wouldn’t listen to me,” Minho clenched his jaws. Seungmin & Hyunjin came back just a while ago. Minho had just woken up from his much-needed sleep when he saw Seungmin rushing a pale-looking Hyunjin to his room. Worried, he had followed them without wasting another second.

After putting Hyunjin to sleep, Seungmin finally told them about the unknown people they encountered in the market. Even though Hyunjin claimed not to know them, those men looked quite surprised & happy to find Hyunjin alive. Apparently, they were in the same prison as Hyunjin during the end of the war.

Jisung, on the other hand, was on his legs by the time Seungmin had managed to elaborate everything. He was pacing around the room, looking visibly distraught. “What the hell do you mean they were in the same prison?!” He couldn’t digest the fact that Hyunjin had been locked up in the so-called prison of the other country. He had heard stories about those from people. Whoever managed to land there, had to go through inhuman torture.

Seungmin wasn’t any better. As much as he tried to stay calm in front of those people, he was beyond scared when Hyunjin suddenly dropped to his knees, clutching the side of his head. “I think meeting those people had triggered Hyunjin,” he said solemnly.

Jisung stopped pacing at that. “You don’t think-” he looked at Seungmin in surprise, “Did he remember anything?”

Seungmin didn’t know the answer to that. But he had seen the faraway look in Hyunjin’s eyes. For a few seconds, he didn’t even reply to Seungmin’s urgent calls. Almost as if he couldn’t hear anything. “I don’t know. He looked lost, almost as if- as if he wasn’t with me anymore.” & it had scared the hell out of him.

Jisung inhaled sharply. His heart suddenly raced at the idea of Hyunjin regaining his memories. “So, what do we do now?”

Minho looked up from his hands, “What do you wanna do?” he asked, voice still clipped. He looked at Seungmin who was looking down at nothing particular. “Do you want him to recover his memories?”

Jisung frowned, “Of course, I do!” He looked at Seungmin, waiting for him to say the same. But instead, Seungmin stayed unusually quiet.

“Minnie?” Jisung called out.

Seungmin let out a heavy sigh as he roughly pushed back his hair with both hands in frustration. “I don’t know, Jisung.” He was confused. “I don’t know if that is a good idea.”

Jisung’s frown deepened more at the unexpected answer. He couldn’t understand why would Seungmin say that. “What do you mean by you don’t know?! Ever since he came back, didn’t all of us feel it unfair how he forgot us? Didn’t we all blame him for not remembering anything?” He looked at Minho in irritation. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with these two.

“Look, Jisung.” Seungmin looked worn out all of a sudden, “I do want him to remember me. I do want everything to go back to how it was before. But-”

“But?” Jisung was getting impatient. He was on the verge of exploding.

“Jisung, tell me something.” Minho leaned back on the chair, eyes sharp & pinned on Jisung. “What would you do if Hyunjin gets back his memories & decides to leave again?”

The words died in his mouth at once. He parted his lips, wanting to argue. But the lump forming in his throat wouldn’t let him utter a single word. He hadn’t thought about it.

Watching Jisung's drowning in painful silence, Minho shot another question. “Fine. let’s not think about us. Let’s think about him, instead ” Minho spared a glance at Seungmin, who wasn’t any better than Jisung. “Those people said Hyunjin was in a… prison.” he forced the lump that suddenly appeared out of nowhere down his throat.

“What if his memories only make him more miserable?” he asked, “You do understand that there is a big possibility that the memories from whatever he went through during the war might also come back, right?”

Seungmin’s head was starting to ache. He rested his head on his hands, eyes closed as he silently listened to Minho. He wouldn’t lie. He had already thought about it while he watched Hyunjin falling asleep just a while ago. It made him restless; worrying what would happen then.

“The memory of losing his arm… is also one of those. Would you be able to watch Hyunjin living like that? With the memories, guilts & regrets weighing him down the earth?” Minho knew he was being cruel. But he had no other option. This was the reality. This was a possibility they all had to think of before coming to a decision.

No one said anything after that. The silence hung heavy between the three of them as they all tried to digest the question. Even though Minho was the one to ask the questions, he could feel the uneasy feeling that was roping his heart into a neverending fear. The difference & the distance that he had with Hyunjin now had no effect on his heart. He hated what Hyunjin had done. He couldn’t forgive the boy for his actions. But he also wouldn’t be able to watch Hyunjin suffer.

Jisung was having a hard time wrapping his head around the unwanted possibility. The mere thought of losing Hyunjin was driving him mad. Let alone watching Hyunjin drown in the inevitable pain. He looked around helplessly, wanting to find something to distract himself. But the silence from the other two weirdly sounded louder in his ears. Tears pooled in the corner of his eyes. It was too much- too intense for him to ignore.

Letting out a shaky breath, Jisung hastily walked out of the room. Seungmin looked up in the direction the other went. He felt bad. He didn’t want to hurt Jisung. He turned to look at Minho, & the feeling worsened when he saw the red eyes of the older man. Minho might not say anything, and he might not act like it but he was hurting the same.

“You do realize that we can’t stop it, right?” Seungmin asked in a defeated voice, “I rushed him away from the city right after meeting those men. So that he wouldn’t be able to talk more. So that he wouldn’t find out more than necessary. But I don’t think it helped him.” He wasn’t sure. But he did have a hunch. “If his memories are really coming back…There’s no way- there’s nothing we can do to stop it, hyung.”

Of course, Minho knew that. This was something that was out of their control. & Minho hated it; this helpless feeling that was growing inside him. “I know we can’t stop it. But we can delay the storm from wrecking him,” He clenched his jaws in determination. “The less he encounters his past, the slower might be the process.” He hadn’t missed the fleeting glimpse of uncertainty & reluctance in Chan’s eyes when Hyunjin first mentioned getting a job a few weeks ago. For some reason, the oldest of their house was hesitant to grant Hyunjin’s request. Maybe Chan feared the day Hyunjin would regain his memories just like him.

"Maybe we can limit his visit to the city somehow," Seungmin flickered eyes at the photo hanging next to the canvas on the opposite wall. It was a photo of all eight of them. "But what about us?" His voice was just above a whisper, loud enough only for Minho to hear. "We're linked to his past the most."

Minho followed the other's gaze. His heart clenched at the sight of all eight of them, smiling. They looked so happy that Minho kinda envied their past selves. "It has been months, Seungmin-ah. If he were to remember us…" Their world still circled around Hyunjin. "-then he would've remembered us by now."

But things changed. And maybe, Hyunjin's world didn't revolve around them anymore.

The first thing Hyunjin saw after waking up was a familiar ceiling. He slowly blinked, eyes still hazy. His head felt heavy. A pained groan escaped past his lips as soon as he tried to move.

"Hey, easy there…" Jisung's familiar voice came instantly, "Give it a minute before getting up, idiot."

Jisung carefully pushed the older boy back to his pillow, & Hyunjin just let him. "Is it still hurting?" He asked, a little concerned.

Hyunjin hummed, eyes closed. "But it was worse earlier. Almost felt like someone was splitting my head open."

Jisung frowned, lips pressed in a hard line as he recalled the conversation with Minho & Seungmin. He took a seat on the edge of the bed & turned his body to face the older.

"How much do you remember?" It was a trick question. It could go either way.

Hyunjin's brows were pulled in the middle slightly, as he tried to think. "I remember meeting two men in the main square; said they knew me. But I couldn't recognize them." A small sigh escaped his lips. 

Jisung hummed. "What happened then?" He pushed in a gentle voice.

The expression on Hyunjin's face changed to a confused one. "Seungmin came over & talked to the men. They said something about meeting me in a prison…" The last word came out with a little hesitance. 

Hyunjin slowly opened his eyes & looked at Jisung with a small wry smile. "It seems like I was up to no good before."

Jisung forced a small smile on his lips. "We don't know that now, do we? It was when the war was still ongoing. They might have caught & put you behind bars for no actual reason." He tried to cheer the other up, but inside he was thinking the same thing. He wondered how the older boy had managed to land himself in the enemy's prison.

Hyunjin smiled, appreciating Jisung's way of assuring him. "Where is Seungmin? I must have caused him a lot of trouble," He frowned at the idea. He couldn't remember how he came back to the house. But he did remember falling on his knees in the middle of the road & Seungmin's worried calls for him. 

Jisung smiled, "He had been here the whole time. He was pretty worried about you." He watched as the older boy's lips unconsciously curled into a small pout, most probably because he was upset with himself.

"Minho hyung kicked him out just a few minutes ago actually," Jisung laughed as Hyunjin's eyes comically widened, & pouty lips parted open in surprise. "He had work, but he was worried about leaving you alone after you fainted like a princess on him," his lips quirked up in a teasing smirk as the older boy's face colored almost immediately. 

"I doubt a princess would faint in the middle of the road, that too so unceremoniously," Hyunjin grumbled; lips pulled into a small pout as he averted his eyes. "Also, I'm a man." 

Jisung's grin widened, "Then should I call you a prince? Fainting under the scorching sun in summer & getting rescued by a mere mailman?"

Hyunjin's cheek was flaming, as he narrowed his eyes. "Seungmin was right when he said you are insufferable."

Jisung laughed at that. "That I am, sometimes. But only to the people I like."

Hyunjin blinked at that. Too stunned to think or say anything.

Jisung, on the other hand, acted like he hadn't said anything. "You feel better now?" He asked instead.

Hyunjin blinked. Then slowly nodded which brightened up Jisung's face in relief.

"I'll go & see if hyung is done with lunch already." Jisung got up from the bed & waddled over the door before looking back once again. "Do you want me to bring it here?"

Hyunjin pushed himself up & leaned back on the headrest as he shook his head, slightly wincing at the heaviness on his head. "I'm coming. Give me a few minutes."

"You sure?" Jisung asked again, noticing the fleeting discomfort in Hyunjin's face when he tried to shake his head. "Hyung wouldn't mind if you decide to stay here for lunch." He promised on behalf of Minho.

Hyunjin smiled & nodded, "I'm better now. Don't worry."

Jisung nodded before heading out to find Minho. Now that Hyunjin was alone, the smile on his lips slipped away easily as he finally had the time to think of the flashback he had before he almost fainted.

He was indeed in prison at some point. From what he remembered, it was a small dark cell; nearly half of his bedroom. It was empty. Those two men who claimed to share a prison with him weren't there. Hyunjin was there alone, lying on the ground. His hands were tied up with a heavy rope. It was biting onto his wrists harshly, cutting through the skin & smearing droplets of blood around it.

His hair was tacky & short, barely reaching his ears, unlike all the nightmares he used to have. He had the same hair in the dream where he fought with Jisung. So, he concluded that this particular memory was most probably from the time when he had just left home.

He pulled out the diary that he had kept under the pillow. Turning over the pages, he couldn't help but feel the anxious feeling returning once again. Every page held a piece of his memories. & Every piece of memory was like a small stepping stone leading him to his past.

With hesitance, he slowly picked up the pen from the table. Just like his other memories, he wanted to write it down, hoping to connect the dots one day. But today, his hand felt heavy like lead. The flashbacks of the dark cell were still too vivid in his mind, almost making his breath stutter again.

He closed the diary at once, closed his eyes & took a deep breath to calm himself. Chan's familiar voice was ringing inside his head, guiding him slowly.

Exhale…

Hyunjin slowly breathed out.

Inhale…

He inhaled again, taking his time this time instead of rushing.

Exhale

He breathed out slowly once again.

Now, I'm gonna count to ten. Just focus on my voice.

Hyunjin nodded as if Chan was really in front of him.

One.

Hyunjin tried to focus on the voice.

Two.

But something felt strange.

Three.

There were loud noises around them.

Four.

A construction site. Just behind Chan.

Five.

He frowned in confusion.

Six.

What was this place?

Seven.

And, why did Chan's voice sound so strange?

Eight.

It was slowly changing.

Nine.

But it was still gentle & full of kindness.

Ten.

Hyunjin opened his eyes with a gasp. A tear slowly rolled down his face as remembered another piece of his memory. 

A teenage Chan was smiling down at Hyunjin's younger self who woke up scared at the loud noise of the construction site. While a young Jisung was still snoring through the noise, Hyunjin had broken down into tears. 

Chan held his hands gently as the older slowly guided him to breathe; calming him down so easily.

"You did great, Jinnie. Hyung is so proud of you."

Chapter Text

“Guys, letters are here!”

Jungwoo’s lips pressed in a thin line. Asking another nurse to take over the patient, he went to the reception wing with a few others. While the others kept looking for their letters, he waited aside wanting to dissolve the crowd first. It took a while though. One of the soldiers had to take over when the commotion wouldn’t stop. With a proper warning, he started calling names one by one, & handed them their letters in sequence. When Jungwoo’s name was called, he immediately pushed past the crowd to get his letter.

“I didn’t know you have a family back in the capital, Kim,” the soldier asked, looking quite surprised. Jungwoo gave him a half-hearted smile as he reached out for the letter.

“I don’t, actually. It’s probably my former colleagues from the camp,” He lied through his teeth. “The last time I heard from them was when they lost the records of some patients whom I handled myself. It’s most probably related to that.” He tore open the brown envelope right in front of the soldier, acting like the letter was nothing important. His heart was racing inside as he lazily unfolded the letter.

The soldiers kept standing there. Eyes often moved around the room, observing nurses & their reactions. He even looked at Jungwoo. But watching the man literally opening the letter right in front of him was proving that Kim had nothing to hide, at least for now.

Jungwoo stole a quick glance at the soldier, before turning his body slightly so that the other wouldn’t be able to see the content. He decided to focus on the spaces between the lines instead of reading the letter, keeping his expression aloof. 

“Hey, you! Hand me your letter!” One of the soldiers called out. Jungwoo hoped no one noticed the way he flinched for a second, or how his body stiffened when a soldier walked past him. With a lump in his throat, he watched as the soldier charged at a nurse behind him.

It was Shin Yunah, a young girl around her twenties. Jungwoo clenched his jaws as he watched the girl almost shaking like a leaf as the soldier snatched her letter away & started going through it with a frown. His heart dropped when he saw the anger flashing in the soldier’s eyes before he roughly grabbed Yunah’s arm & almost dragged the poor girl out of the tent. There were a few other people who were also taken away right after that. The soldiers often took away the people whom they were suspicious of. Sometimes, they would return later that night after an interrogation. Sometimes, Jungwoo & the other nurse would have to help the soldiers in a mass burial.

Later that night, everyone came back to the camp except for Shin Yunah. With a heavy heart, Jungwoo went to bed with the letter hidden under his pillow. It was only then when he was sure that everyone had fallen asleep, he lit up a small old pocket lighter & started reading the letter.

“Dear Kim,

I’ve been meaning to write to you for a while now. It’s regarding a patient of mine whom I treated back in 1911. If I’m not mistaken, his ID was #108 & he had his right hand amputated.

I received a report from the capital that stated that the patient had died this winter. The report stated Malaria fever as the cause of death. But the report you sent me a week before his death didn’t indicate any complications like fever or cold. There seems to be an information gap here, which I’d like you to help me with. Please provide me with a full report on patient #108 as soon as possible. Also, please mention the names of the doctors & nurses who handled him other than you. 

I'll be visiting the capital soon, so I hope you can help me with the report before that.

Regards,

Dr. Lee

Critical Care Division, SC”

Jungwoo let out a sigh of relief. It was indeed a patient inquiry. He carefully scrambled off the bed & pulled out his suitcase from underneath the bed. By then, he had already lit a small candle on the table beside the bed; relieved knowing even if someone found him now they wouldn’t suspect him with a letter from one of the government doctors. He could just show the letter & get off the hook.

He fumbled with the clothes in his case until he found an old diary that he used to carry around to keep track of his patients’ conditions in the capital. Under the dimmed candlelight, he started looking for the record of the patient. It didn’t take him much time to find it. There were only six patients under his care who had their one or two limbs amputated.

He immediately grabbed a paper & a pen, ready to start the report. But as he read further of the record, his grip on the pen slowly loosened. He exhaled heavily as he reached the abrupt end of the report, eyes pinned on a line written in red ink.

“ File closed on a special request”

He remembered why he had written it. He also remembered the person who had requested- No, almost threatened him to close the file. 

Christopher Bang Chan.

Closing the diary, Jungwoo blew out the candle- not wanting to attract too much attention anymore. He wasn’t sure if he could keep his expression in check at the moment if anyone came asking what he was doing. Sure, he could just show them the letter from Dr. Lee, but he wasn’t really too keen on showing the record of patient #108.

“No one should find out his identity, Kim. Report patient #108 as clinically dead. That’s all I want in return.”

Jungwoo let out another sigh before grabbing the pocket lighter & lighting up the candle once again. He hurriedly opened the report again, taking occasional glances around him to make sure no one was watching him. With one last glance at the report, he tore the pages off the diary as silently as he could. Then he ripped them into four parts & put them above the candle; burning the evidence of his deal with Chan.

Chan had helped him out escaping from the accusation of the arson. Maybe he was a bit rough, but Jungwoo could understand that they all had their own reasons. So in return for saving his life, this was at least what Jungwoo could do for Chan.

“What’s that?” Felix pointed at Jeongin’s satchel as soon as the younger walked out from his workplace. Seungmin wasn’t there today. He had informed them earlier that he’d be late at work today & suggested that they could head home first. That left Felix & Jeongin. Changbin was supposed to fetch Hyunjin today, & Chan should be at the grocery shopping today. Minho had given their oldest a long list earlier this morning.

Jeongin looked down, & flushed when he realized what Felix was talking about. “A wear hat,” he held the satchel slightly open for the older to see. “It’s for Jinnie hyung.” He shyly confessed.

Felix was peeking inside the satchel, lips forming a small ‘o’ at the sight of the at. It was a pretty elegant violet hat. It was beautiful. He was about to ask if Jeongin was the one who made it when the latter suddenly said that.

"Hyunjin?" He looked up at the younger, a little surprised. When he saw the hat, he thought it was most probably something the younger boy needed to deliver to some rich household; probably to a lady. Because it was a ladies' hat. "I thought… it was for some rich woman." He mumbled out as they started walking. Feeling a little confused.

The younger one laughed. "Well, it might get me a few crispy big notes if I put it on sale. It's one of my finest works." He claimed proudly.

"And, you are planning to give it to Hyunjin?" Felix deadpanned. "I know the hat is really pretty & the violet is gonna suit him. Well, all colors do," & it was true. "But he's a man in case you forgot, Innie." Felix shook his head, chuckling light-heartedly. 

Jeongin's cheeks colored easily as he nodded in answer. "But it'd look good on him." He insisted. "Besides," he stole a quick glance at the older boy. "Have you seen his hair? He's growing it long." It was one of the main reasons Jeongin had decided to make this particular hat for Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin's hair had grown longer over the months, almost touching his shoulders. He was due a haircut. But the last time Jeongin had mentioned it, the older man didn't show any interest in cutting his hair.

"I kinda like the long hair."

It was quite new & pretty surprising. Because the older man wasn't that fond of keeping his hair long before. He used to get annoyed easily with the hair blocking his vision. & To tell the truth, Jeongin also felt Hyunjin looked better with his new long hair. It made the older man's features more delicate.

Especially with the lace that Hyunjin had given him stitched on the curve of the hat’s brim. When he had seen this particular lace back in the store, he immediately thought of buying it for the hat he was making for Hyunjin. He didn't have much money at that moment, so he was planning to buy it after getting his salary that month.

But, Hyunjin had bought it for him instead. As a gift. Or, more like a token of appreciation &, he dared to think, love. He was already emotionally beaten by the older suddenly falling sick when he had rushed home to see him. So, when he saw the lace he got more emotional & ended up crying. It was embarrassing. Because all Hyunjin was seeing was him crying every other day. The older man would think of him as a crybaby, if not weird.

But it was okay. As long as it was Hyunjin, he knew they were more than okay.

While Jeongin was lost in his thoughts, Felix was also pulled inside his head by the very person who was also occupying a big space in their youngest’s mind. Hyunjin was indeed growing his hair out. Something out of his usual characteristics. But he also understood that Hyunjin had changed more or less over the time they were apart.

Sometimes when no one was looking at him, Felix would steal glances at the taller boy. He’d watch Hyunjin talk & laugh with other members. As much as he loved the sight of a smiling Hyunjin, he also couldn’t help but feel the small seed of jealousy grow bigger within his chest.

He wanted Hyunjin to look at him. To smile without feeling burdened. To talk without any hesitance. But the last time they tried, Felix ended up crying. He didn’t know how it was so easy for others to let the walls around them fall & reach out to Hyunjin. Weren’t they scared? Didn’t their hearts bleed every time Hyunjin wouldn’t remember something that meant a lot to them?

Because Felix’s heart sure bled every time Hyunjin looked at him with confusion. His heart ached whenever he remembered the days when they were inseparable, unable to stay apart. It was hard not to let himself reach out to the stranger Hyunjin had become. It was harder not to pull Hyunjin in his arms, & melt into the warmth.

& The hardest was to look away from the big surprised smile Hyunjin was sporting when Jeongin shyly put the hat on him. He looked alive. He looked like the fireworks sparkling in the dark sky. 

Jeongin was right- Hyunjin looked beautiful.

“You what?! Are you sure?!” the voice got louder, alarmed at the information he just received.

“I swear it’s Hwang! He’s alive!” The second voice said with urgency, nodding his head along to show that he was sure of it. “I saw him near the town hall with another man.”

“Another man?” the first voice suddenly seemed confused.

“Yeah, around the same age & height as Hwang.” the other described. “He looked quite protective of Hwang.”

There was a moment of silence before the owner of the first voice rushed to the corner of the room & pulled out a small metal box from under the bed. He hastily opened the lock & started fumbling with the things inside until he found a piece of paper.

“Is the man here?” he showed a small crumpled photograph to the other man, who visibly frowned at the sight of eight men in the photo. The photo was old, torn at the edges. There were also blurred marks of water here & there. The man squinted at the photo, carefully scanning the faces until he stopped at a familiar one.

“It’s him!” he pointed at a man on the right. “He was there with Hwang.”

The first man took a look at the face before turning the photo & revealing something that was written on the back of the photo. 

Eight names; one written behind every man on the photo. Checking the position of the man his partner just pointed out, he searched for the name behind it.

Kim Seungmin

(22-09-1891)

Chapter Text

“-ng? Hyung?!”

Chan was shaken out of his stupor. Blinking his eyes in confusion he looked at the hands holding his shoulders, then to the boy in front of him. Hyunjin was looking at him, eyes filled with concern. He stared back at the boy, lips parted as he tried to reply. But nothing came out. 

“Hyung?” Hyunjin’s voice was careful, almost scared as he slowly retracted his hands. “You’ve been spacing out for a while. I’ve been calling you out, but you-” He paused, eyes searching for something in the older man’s eyes. “Are you okay?”

Not wanting the younger to worry more, Chan pursed his lips in a small smile & nodded. “Yeah. I’m just a little tired.” he looked down at his half-eaten dinner, unable to lie while looking straight at the boy. “It was a busy day.” He picked up the small paper package & pulled out a small round candy before holding it out for the boy with a small smile, pretending everything was fine. “What were you saying again?”

Hyunjin didn’t reply immediately. He was still worried. He stared into Chan’s eyes for a few more seconds & then looked away noticing how nervous the other was. The older man wasn’t fine. But he also wasn’t willing to share. So, he decided not to say anything. “It’s nothing, I was just wondering if Mr. Choi was back already. It’s already been four days.”

Chan nodded before looking away again. “Actually, I asked Seungmin to pay a visit to the shop to check if Mr. Choi is back,” he lied, “He should be back soon.” He looked up with a practiced smile & found Hyunjin nodding happily.

~~~

Chan didn’t mean to act creepy. Nor did he want to scare the sleeping man. He just couldn’t sleep. His fears & worries were keeping him up for the last couple of nights. Tossing & turning were all he did if he hadn’t spaced out staring up at the ceiling. Things were changing. Faster than he liked. 

He should be happy. Everyone had accepted Hyunjin back into their life. Even Minho & Felix had warmed up to the boy recently. They were slowly going back to their previous life. It was getting better. But now, after the recent incident, he wasn’t sure anymore.

He silently watched the sleepyman, feeling weirdly content at the sight. Hyunjin looked peaceful while sleeping, unlike the first few months. The bags under his eyes had melted into his golden skin. Sunken cheeks got fuller now, making him look healthier. There was a small curve on the corner of his lips. Maybe he was having a good dream.

Or, maybe they were memories.

Chan’s eyes flickered at the diary lying beside the pillow. He contemplated for a few seconds before hesitantly reaching for it. For some reason, it felt heavier on his hands. Maybe it was the weight of the guilt. Maybe he was just sleep-deprived. Or, maybe he was just scared to face the truth. He didn’t know.

But if Hyunjin had started getting back his memories, he should’ve written them down in the diary. This was the main reason he asked for the diary in the first place, didn’t he? But Should Chan really be looking into it? Wouldn’t it be breaching Hyunjin’s boundaries?

Heaving a small sigh, he put the diary back where it was before leaving the sleeping man alone in his room.

As soon as the door closed behind Chan, Hyunjin peeled his eyes open & motionlessly started up at the ceiling. He had woken up the moment the older man walked inside. It was quite hard to act like he was sleeping, especially when Chan just simply sat there & kept staring at him. 

He knew Chan wasn’t okay. He knew everyone had been lying to him ever since he fainted in the city. He wasn’t as dumb as the others thought him to be. He could tell the lies apart. He could tell when the others couldn’t meet his eyes while they lied through their teeth. They were making excuses after excuses just to stop him from going to the city.

Were they scared that he was gonna meet people from his past again? Scared that he might regain his memories?

Why? Didn’t they want him to remember them?

Tears started pooling in his eyes, heart aching at the idea. It was hard to understand them. It was hard to tell what exactly they wanted from him. One moment they’d be angry & crying that he couldn’t remember the precious memories. Another moment, they’d just want him to let go of the past.

He didn’t know what he should do. His memories were coming back, slowly & piece by piece. What should he do with them? How should he stop them from coming back? 

More importantly, how else was he gonna find out the truth behind his disappearance? & What about the man who promised to save him?

“Does it really work?”

Startled, Hyunjin looked up & found Jeongin peering down at the book in his hands with a curious expression on his face. He looked down at the book & stared at the topic the younger boy was talking about.

Hypnosis

Earlier this morning he went to Seungmin to borrow something to read, claiming he was getting bored staying at home & doing nothing. Pitying him, the younger had granted him access to his personal book stash hidden under the bed inside a trunk. He asked Hyunjin to take whatever entertained him.

Hyunjin had asked the boy about his favorite. Seungmin looked hesitant before pulling a small book from under his pillow. He had expected the other to be fond of typical novels or maybe history. But surprisingly, Seungmin’s favorite book turned out to be Psychology. Curious about what hooked the younger boy, he borrowed the book for the day & ever since then his eyes were practically glued down to the dark inks on the pages.

“I don’t know?” a corner of his lips curled up in an uncertain expression. “But it’s gonna be fun if it does.”

Jeongin’s eyes lit up mischievously at that. He hurried to the empty space beside the older boy, grinning like the cunning fox. “Just imagine if it does work we can literally get away with anything!”

Hyunjin laughed at the idea. “What do wanna do? Rob a bank by hypnotizing the guards?”

The younger boy shook his head immediately, “I’d hypnotize Jisung hyung to do all my chores & make Minho hyung always cook my favorite! & yes! Definitely gonna make sure Channie hyung won’t come to scold me after stealing his stuff! & then Binnie hyung-”

Hyunjin’s stomach was hurting from laughing as the younger kept talking about every single person in the house & what he was gonna do if he ever managed to hypnotize them. “And, what about me? Hmm?” he playfully shot the younger a warning look. “Gonna make me do your chores as well?”

Jeongin’s smile softened as he stared at his hyung. There were many things he wanted from Hyunjin. The answer to why he left them? What happened to him during that one year? Did he not love them anymore? He wanted to know so many things. These questions had kept him awake night after night.

But now that Hyunjin came back to them again, all he wanted was to be with Hyunjin & others happily as long as he lived. So, if anything he could’ve asked now it’d be making sure the older wouldn’t leave them again.

“Innie?” Hyunjin tilted his head to the side, confused as to why the younger was staring at him like that.

“Because he can’t think of making you do anything or stealing something from you,” another voice joined them. Hyunjin & Jeongin looked over their shoulder to see Jisung leaning against the door. “You already spoil him more than all of us do.” he made a face when the youngest made a funny face at him.

Hyunjin laughed at that. He reached over & playfully ruffled Jeongin’s hair. “Well, he’s younger than me. What did you expect?” It brightened the younger’s smile.

Jisung on the other hand jokingly rolled his eyes & started whining about him also being younger than Hyunjin & yet the others treated him differently. Jeongin grabbed the chance & started a banter with Jisung, making Hyunjin forget about the book for a while & watch the bantering duo with a content smile.

Changbin was walking faster than usual. There was a small bag in his hand; the scent of freshly baked bread was coming from it. He bought it from the bakery Felix was working at. He had taken half a day off & decided to spend time with Felix alone before meeting his friends since the boy was a bit quiet back at their home recently. It wasn’t like he didn’t know why. The boy was still having trouble warming up to Hyunjin’s presence in their life again. 

He loved spending time with Felix. The younger boy was gentle & soft-spoken. His thoughts were nowhere near complicated or complex unlike Changbin himself. It was refreshing to be around the boy, to hear him talking about his day & how he made the bread for Changbin. Cooking was something he wasn’t really good at. He was most probably worse than Jisung when it came to cooking. Minho had him banned from the kitchen the moment they bought the house.

Luckily for them, it wasn’t a busy afternoon in the bakery. So, Felix was able to sit with him for lunch & talk like everything around them was all fine & dandy. The younger boy even took him to the back kitchen where he watched Felix make bread from scratch. It was fascinating how easy it was for Felix to make the dough within a few minutes. The way the dough got bigger like a balloon when Felix left it covered for nearly an hour made Changbin rub his eyes twice to make sure that he wasn’t imagining things. Felix had laughed at his expression before explaining that it was something called yeast that doubled up the dough size upon mixing & leaving it covered for a certain time. It was to make the bread soft & fluffy.

They sat in front of the old oven at the corner of the kitchen waiting for the bread to bake while talking about the friends Changbin was meeting today. He was pretty close to them; especially to Wooyoung. They were of the same age & had the same screws loose to click off the first time they met when they were around seventeen. They were known to be an insufferable duo, always causing problems & pranking the others when they were together. They were the biggest headache of Chan & Hongjoong, Wooyoung’s older brother.

It had been over a year since he last met Wooyoung. The last time he met his friend was the very night when Hyunjin left them during the war. It was San, the second older brother of Wooyoung, who had informed them about Hyunjin &... what he did.

It was a nightmare for all of them. After that, Wooyoung & his family left. They only came back two days ago.

Changbin stood outside the small house, not too far from their place. His legs felt heavy now that he watched the familiar shadow behind the curtain hung on the kitchen window. He didn’t know how to face his friend & his remaining family; a few died during the war. And, Changbin was too busy mending his broken heart & looking for Hyunjin at that time.

He couldn’t be a good friend back then. But he also didn’t want to hide away for the rest of his life from his friend when they were only a house apart. He wanted to apologize for everything. So, taking one big breath, he walked up to the porch & knocked on the gate.

Chapter Text

Minho was dead tired by the time when he came back home that morning. Recently the newspaper company he worked for decided to add two new pages dedicated solely to the fashion & entertainment sector to increase their sale. And, it was working. Due to the addition of this new section in the newspaper, it was mostly women & teenage girls who were buying the newspaper for daily updates. The sales had increased recently, & it was taking a hard toll on the typewriters.

Minho, along with the other typewriters had filed a complaint a few days ago. They demanded an increase in salary if they had to work double than before. But the owner was cunning. Instead of increasing the salary, he increased the work hours stating now the writers wouldn’t have to rush. Things weren’t going smoothly ever since. Many had resigned, and many gritted their teeth & kept working knowing it wasn’t easy to get jobs nowadays.

But Minho & a few others had filed another complaint, this time at the local office of the social workers of the new government. It wasn’t an idea Minho was fond of. He barely had any trust in the new government. But at that time, this was their best option. Much to his surprise, the social workers came forward to help them. They helped the employees of his company file a police complaint which had the newspaper company call them back for a raise in salary. And, it didn’t end at that. They were offered fair increments along with the news of hiring three new typewriters to lessen the workload. Until they found extra hands, the company also agreed to pay them for overtime under the order of the local court. 

Just this morning, he had printed the hiring post in their newspaper & finally went back home with a peaceful mind for once. The loud voices of the other seven didn’t get to his nerves today as they all gathered around the breakfast table. Moreover, Chan & Felix had made sure to prepare breakfast to save him from the extra chores. By the time everyone left for work, he was deep in sleep.

~~~

“Do you need something?” Minho asked without even looking up at the other man who was now fidgeting on his feet. When the man didn’t say anything, he looked up from the scissors in his hands to the other, & raised an eyebrow in question.

Hyunjin bit his lips before looking at something behind the older. “I left my book over there.”

Minho followed the boy’s gaze & turned to find a familiar book on the counter. “Isn’t it Seungminnie’s?” he wondered aloud, watching Hyunjin taking small but fast steps to the counter, grabbing & holding the book carefully over his chest.

“I borrowed it from him,” Hyunjin replied in a small voice.

Minho stared at the boy for a few seconds then turned back to what he was doing. He grabbed another piece of old newspaper & started shaping it square. 

Hyunjin had two options in mind. One- He should just leave the older man alone to do whatever he was doing. Two-

“Can I sit with you? Here?”

Minho paused, blinking down at the scissors & the papers. His heart suddenly felt funny. He decided to ignore it for now, before resuming his work-acting nonchalant. “If you want to.”

Now, Minho didn’t really have any problem with Hyunjin being around him. He believed they were already past that “I can’t stand you” phase. But Hyunjin was still cautious around him; nervous & scared of triggering Minho off. Almost like a scared mouse. Even now, being alone the only two of them in a room was making Hyunjin fidget in his seat.

He could bet on his stew that Hyunjin wasn’t reading. In fact, he was following Minho with his eyes when he thought Minho wouldn’t realize. It went on for half an hour & it was now making Minho fidgety & uncomfortable to be in the sole attention of someone.

He dropped the chopped onions in the hot oil before opening his mouth. “Are you hungry?”

Startled, Hyunjin jumped on the seat. “N-no?” His reply came as a question.

Minho snorted at that. “The way your eyes have been following me around instead of reading that brain-rotting book of Minnie’s, I felt otherwise though.” he carefully dropped the beaten eggs & the cubbed pieces of bread on the pan & started scrambling them immediately.

Hyunjin’s cheeks instantly colored as he realized that he had been caught. Embarrassed, he dropped his head, eyes now glued to the book. “I- didn’t mean to. I was just-”

Minho looked over his shoulder, & chuckled silently at the sight of the younger male. “You what? Fascinated seeing me working around the kitchen?”

Hyunjin looked up from the book to the teasing voice of the older male. Minho’s back was still turned to him as the man skillfully worked with the pan & ladle. The rich aroma of fried bread was filling up the room. The aroma alone felt delicious.

Relaxing a bit, he leaned back on the chair. “Kinda,” he answered honestly. “Felix always keeps rushing around the kitchen to tidy things up whenever Channie hyung cooks.” Earlier this morning Felix looked like he was gonna kick Chan hyung out of the kitchen.

Minho scoffed, “Old men are always messy, didn’t you know? Besides, he was lucky that it was Felix. That boy wouldn’t even dream of kicking anyone, let alone Chan hyung.” He walked to the cabinet & grabbed two small plates before walking back to the stove. He placed five to six pieces of bread on each & covered the rest with a metal lid.

“Can you get the chopsticks?” he asked Hyunjin as he looked for the mint sauce Felix bought for them last week. Hyunjin complied without any words. He slipped inside the kitchen & grabbed two forks from the shelves when he noticed two plates on the counter. While Minho worked on pouring the sauce on the small sauce dish, he ran the tap on the utensils & wiped them with the drying cloth as he followed Minho out to the table.

Minho placed a plate where Hyunjin was sitting earlier & the other on the opposite, in front of him. Sitting on the chair, he held up his palm open & stared up at Hyunjin, who kept blinking at him and then at his awaiting palm. After a few seconds of hesitancy, the younger male slowly settled the chopsticks on the older man’s hand, still wary at the sudden turn of their situation.

Minho watched as the other scurried back to his seat; nervous, confused & awkward all at once. He couldn’t blame the boy. After all, it was he who had always been cold & distant ever since Hyunjin came back. He obviously had his reasons, but after all these months he wasn’t sure anymore. It was hard to be mad at someone who had no idea what he had done.

“Is there… anything on my face?” Hyunjin asked timidly, a hand reaching up to his face unconsciously when Minho kept staring at him.

Being almost caught, Minho decided to play along. Clearing his throat, he looked down at his plate & picked a piece of fried bread with his chopsticks. “Yeah, on the left cheek.” 

Believing the older Hyunjin started rubbing his cheek & then checked his fingers. But there was nothing on his finger. So, he opted to ask the older male, “Is it still there?” he slightly turned his face for Minho to see even though he didn’t need to.

Pressing his lips in a thin line, Minho shook his head in answer. “It’s gone.” Then looked away once again & decided to change the topic. “How is the book?”

Hyunjin hummed happily at the taste of the fried bread. “Itz good.” He beamed at the older man, before answering the question he was asked. “It’s quite interesting. We have been reading earlier while you were sleeping,” he stuffed another piece in his mouth. 

Surprised, Minho’s eyebrows shot up. “We? Jisung?”

Hyunjin nodded, “Innie was there too for a while before he had to leave for work. Then it was just me & Jisung. We’ve been reading until Jisung dragged me out to play with the kids.”

Minho hummed & went back to the snack. It was quiet after that. Just occasional munching on the crispy pieces of bread & Minho asking if Hyunjin needed more. Hyunjin had declined saying it was more than enough.

And, then it was just awkward. Both were sitting silently in the table with empty plates in front of them, eyes fleeting everywhere & never settling on each other. Minho didn’t know how to break the awkward atmosphere while Hyunjin was simply hesitant to ask anything not wanting to trigger Minho.

It was Chan & Felix who saved them from the situation. As they walked inside talking & laughing loudly, Hyunjin & Minho looked like they finally found an excuse to get them out of the awkward silence.

“Chan hyung is here,” as if he had been waiting for their eldest, Hyunjin got up & took his leave. Minho let out a small sigh, feeling a tad bit dejected at their situation. He got up & walked back to the kitchen to make tea for others.

Hyunjin stepped out of the house after feeling stuffy inside. Everyone minus Changbin was back. Felix & Chan mentioned the older male visiting a few old friends of theirs. It made him wonder if Hyunjin knew them as well. Or, maybe he was friends with them as well.

But there was one thing that he noticed when Chan & Felix mentioned their friends. Everyone suddenly went quiet & tensed. He didn’t miss the sneaky worried glance everyone was throwing at him. But whenever he’d look at them for an answer, they’d act like nothing was wrong & change the subject. It was getting tiring for him to stand alone in the dark. So, he excused himself after a while, wanting to take a break.

He lazily walked to the other side of the road, to the meadow. He walked around the once-empty field, now filled with small grasses here & there. It was a good change for once. He noticed a small purple grassflower near him & crouched down to take a better look. A small smile curled up on his lips as he admired the flower, looking beautifully alive under the pale moon. 

He reached out to pick the flower. But as his fingers gently curled around the stem someone grabbed him from behind & threw him on his back on the field. Startled, he let out a loud yelp. Before he could understand anything, someone was hovering over him. Hyunjin’s mouth went dry, heart hammered inside his chest as the man grabbed his collar tightly. 

In the distance, he could hear someone yelling his name. & then another unfamiliar name. But he couldn’t tell who was it. What he could tell was the man above him was angry. The look in his eyes was enough to scare him frozen. Those eyes were filled with hatred. The same hatred that he once saw in Minho & Jisung’s eyes.

“Wooyoung stop!” It was Changbin.

Hyunjin finally realized it was Changbin who was calling out to the man & him, so he tried to call for help. But before he could utter a single syllable a heavy punch landed on his face. His ear started ringing, overshadowing Changbin's panicked scream.

There was another punch on his face, making his head bump back on the field painfully. He could taste the metallic flavor of the blood in his mouth.

There were a few more voices that joined Changbin soon enough. Hyunjin couldn’t tell who they were. All he could feel was the excruciating pain his head was in. The ringing in his ears got louder & louder with each punch, almost making him deaf.

Then suddenly the weight wasn’t there on his body anymore. The voices were closer now. All calling out to him. Someone was crying in the back. Someone was holding his face, calling out his name, asking if Hyunjin could listen to him. But, Hyunjin couldn’t answer. He was slowly drifting off.

“Wooyoung! Listen to me please!” Changbin grabbed his friend's arm & turned him back wanting to stop him from attacking Hyunjin again. Chan was also there, standing between Wooyoung & Hyunjin like a protective wall.

But Wooyoung was done talking. He angrily shook off Changbin’s grip on his arm. “There’s nothing to listen! Not after what he had done!” He was beyond angry. “How could you do this to me?! I thought we were friends! I thought you cared about me & my brother!”

Changbin tried to get closure to the angry male. “Just listen to me first! The situation isn’t what you think it is!” Changbin begged, but Wooyoung only laughed at him humorlessly.

“Does it look like I care?” Wooyoung asked before looking back at the bloody unconscious figure on the ground. There was a twinge of pain in his chest realizing he was the one who had done that to Hyunjin. But what else he should have done?

“How do you expect me to forget everything?” he looked back at Changbin, then then at Chan. “How did you guys accept what he had done to us?!”

Chan took a step closer, eyes sad yet kind as he looked at Wooyoung. “It wasn’t easy.” he stated, “But things had changed, Wooyoung-ah.”

Wooyoung stared at the others in disbelief. Not being able to understand what the hell they were talking about. “Things changed?” he asked, incredulously looking at the faces he thought would understand him. But suddenly all of them looked like strangers to his pain. As if they didn’t know anything.

Maybe he should’ve known from the beginning. Those eight were family first. And, family always came first. Just like his family came first to him. For his family, he’d go to any length. Even it required him to lose all his friends.

“Things might have changed, but that’s only for you guys.” Wooyoung looked back at his friends, hurt & disappointment painted deep in his eyes. “But nothing changed for me.”

“Wooyoung-ah..”

Wooyoung looked back at Hyunjin, heart filled with guilt, disappointment, pain & anger. All mixed up in a thick puddle, slowly drowning him crazy. “I can’t just forget it,” a tear slid down his face, then another.

He looked straight at Changbin, “He killed my brother, Changbin-ah. I can never forgive him.”

Chapter Text

A week before Hyunjin’s disappearance~

Wooyoung carefully walked closer to the supposed dead bodies lying in the middle of the road. He had been waiting for a while, & keeping an eye on them just to make sure those weren’t traps. He had heard from Chan & Hongjoong about the recent news of robbery & assassination around the city. They’d lie on the side of the road, acting injured or dead. Whenever someone would find & go to help them, they’d be robbed & left to die with a fatal wound. 

He nudged a body with his feet while tightening his grip on the knife in his jacket’s pocket. When the bodies didn’t react he let out a relieved breath & crouched down. Upon a closer look at the bodies, those people looked quite rich from the clothes they were wearing. He turned a body on its back & immediately cursed at the stench of blood. There were multiple wounds on the man’s front, blood was sticky indicating that the man was attacked long before he found them. He ignored the small twinge of guilt inside his chest & started going through the bodies, hoping to find something he could work with. He wasn’t expecting any cash, robbers sure didn’t leave anything for him. But he did find one half-empty packet of cigarettes, a lighter, an ink pen & some coins scattered around the bodies; most probably fallen during the struggle. The robbers didn’t care enough to pick them up.

He found a few pearls under the woman’s dead body. There was a red mark around the back of his neck. Most probably due to the force when the robbers tried to snatch the necklace from her neck. On the back of his head, he knew what he was doing was inhuman. Robbing dead bodies it was. But the situation in their country was bad enough for him to push back his remaining bit of conscience & do what he had to do to survive.

He pocketed the small items in his pocket, & threw the shoes in a bag he found on the roadside. The shoes would fit his brothers. If not, then maybe they’d fit someone from Changbin’s. After packing the shoes, he started walking toward Changbin’s place.

“He still hasn’t come back?” Wooyoung frowned in worry when Changbin shook his head dejectedly.

“He’s been acting weird these days. Meeting these strangers in the dark.”

Wooyoung’s frown only deepened more at that. “Did you ask him about it?”

Changbin nodded slowly, “Chan hyung, Minho hyung, me…. We tried to talk with him. But every time he’d get defensive & start arguing.” he let out a displeased sigh. “He doesn’t even want to talk with Felix.”

Now this was odd. Felix had been sick for days now. Usually, Felix getting sick meant Hyunjin would be attached to the younger’s side all the time. But, Hyunjin avoiding Felix? There had to be something wrong!

“I can’t help but think he’s doing something wrong…”

Wooyoung’s head snapped at his friend’s direction. “What?”

“A few days ago, he brought a stash of cash. Bills of 50”

“What?! But how-”

“He wouldn’t say anything. Chan hyung had tried talking with him. But, kept quiet the whole time.” Changbin frustratedly carded his finger through his hair. “I even tried to follow him around. But got caught. Ever since then, he stopped talking to me. I don’t know what to do anymore!”

Wooyoung didn’t know what exactly he should say or do to help Changbin. What Changbin was saying wasn’t something Hyunjin would do. But then again, ever since the war started everything got messed up. Just like he had robbed the dead without acknowledging the guilt running in his head, maybe… Hyunjin was doing the same.

He did care about Felix & others. Otherwise, he wouldn’t just bring money & hand it to Chan.

It was most probably his guilt that was making him a stranger to them. It had to be. Hyunjin was far too kind & gentle to withstand this immense guilt of preying on the dead. And, that was what he told Changbin & the others. To give Hyunjin his space to overcome the shock. Knowing Hyunjin, the boy would come running back to Changbin’s arms soon.

Two days before Hyunjin disappeared~

“Wooyoung-ah, have you seen Hyunjinnie recently?” Hongjoon stole a glance at the younger male before focusing on the revolver & the torn fabric in his hand.

Wooyoung looked up at his brother, “Hyunjin? Nah…” his eyes trailed down at the gun in his brother’s hand, & frowned slightly. That thing was illegal. If anyone found out that they carried a gun with them, it would be a disaster. “Why though?”

“Did you not hear? He was seen with Yushi a few days ago.” the older male heaved out a small sigh, “I’m worried for him. Last night I saw Chan & Seungmin near the hill. They don’t look good either.”

Wooyoung pursed his lips in a thin like as a frown settled over his face. Yushi was no good news. There were recently rumors of him working for the enemy country. Just two weeks ago the armies raided Yushi’s place but found it empty. Since then, the armies had been looking for Yushi all over the city. And now, Hyunjin was seen with Yushi. It could cause a big problem. 

What if the army suspected Hyunjin?

Wooyoung’s heart felt uneasy. Sure, Hyunjin was going through shits now. But they all were as well. It’d be hard to keep Hyunjin & the others of his family safe if Hyunjin didn’t come back to sense immediately. He might not know what he was getting himself into.

“Wooyoung-ah…”

Wooyoung looked back at his older brother. Hongjoon looked conflicted. “Yeah?”

“I think… It’s better if you keep your distance from Hyunjin & Changbin for a while.” The older male suggested, making Wooyoung stare at his brother in disbelief. Did his brother also think that-

“Hyungie, I don’t think Hyunjin would work with Yushi.” He tried to defend, “You know him. He’s not like that!” Right then, San walked down from the second floor, looking clueless about the situation. “Hyung, you tell him!” He pointed at their eldest.

San looked between his brothers in visible confusion. “Tell him what?”

Wooyoung got up from the chair, “Hyung is suspecting Hyunjin for treason! He’s asking me to drop Changbin & Hyunjin just because of some bullshit rumors!”

Hongjoon let out a tired sigh, “I didn’t ask you to drop them, Youngie. I just asked you to keep a little distance for a while until everything settled down! The time isn’t good for any of us! I just don’t want to get caught in someone else’s fire.” he tried to reason with the younger, but it only Wooyoung more upset.

Wooyoung looked at San, agitated. “Are you not gonna say anything?!”

San exhaled heavily, “I agree with hyung on this matter.” Wooyoung was about to lose his goddamn mind & say something when he held out a finger to stop the younger, “It’s not that we don’t trust Hyunjin. But it was also true that he was with Yushi. I saw him myself. Whether it was just a coincidence or an accident, he was there with Yushi. Today or tomorrow, this is gonna reach the army & then would come looking for Hyunjin.”

“Yes! Then we should help them out! Maybe help them to talk with the armies & let them know about Yushi’s possible location.” He looked between his brothers frantically. “If Hyunjin helps the army then there’s no reason to arrest him!”

“Wooyoung-ah, you’re too naive to think the army will believe him so easily. Besides, we don’t even know if the word would reach them! That’s why I asked you to wait, just for a couple of days to assess the situation.” Hongjoong said, voice raising slightly at his brother’s naivety.

San immediately stepped between the two brothers, knowing Wooyoung easily got angry. & an argument between brothers wasn’t something he was looking for. “Listen, you don’t have to tell Hyunjin or the others about this. You talk to them when you meet them. Just don’t hang around them too much.”

Wooyoung felt a headache coming, “Define too much, hyung. Cuz’ I don’t exactly know you guy’s definition of too much.”

“Wooyoung!” Hongjoong finally lost his cool. “Is this how you are gonna talk to your brothers because of some friends of yours?!”

“Hyung, please,” San said to the older man before looking back the youngest. “You too. Just calm the fuck down.” he took a deep breath. “We are just worried & don’t want anything to happen to you. Is that too much to ask for as a family? We’re not even asking you not to meet them ever again, Wooyoung-ah.”

Woouyoung rolled his eyes, “As if I would’ve listened to it.” With that, he grabbed his sweater from the table & walked out of the house still angry.

In the end, he did end up at Changbin’s place & got scolded by Chan & Minho when they found out about the argument. Those two also believed what Hongjoong suggested was the best for everyone. He tried to argue but got shut by a slap on the back of his head by none other than Changbin.

Chan promised him that they’d be fine. So, would be Hyunjin. Chan had talked to Hyunjin earlier this morning about the situation. Hyunjin didn’t yell or shut him off, unlike the last few weeks. He was surprisingly willing to listen to Chan this morning. Which was a progress, they believed. Maybe Hyunjin was finally coming back to his senses.

So, Wooyoung needed to come back to his senses as well & apologize to his brothers. After a good talk & a warm meal, Minho & Chan sent Wooyoung back to his place to sort out the tension between the brothers.

It wasn’t like Wooyoung was gonna apologize only because Chan had asked him to do so. He felt guilty as well. He knew his brothers meant well. They cared about Hyunjin as much as they cared about him. It’s just that he couldn’t accept how they talked as if Hyunjin had done a big crime.

“Maybe they’re just worried about you, just like we are about Jinnie. I’m sure they didn’t mean any harm to Hyunjinnie or any of us, Young-ah.” this was what Changbin told him.

So, without strolling around & wasting time anymore, he started for his home. He decided to sit with his brothers & talk in a clear & rational mind. And, apologize for how he talked back earlier. He was sure San was gonna make fun of him after that.

He clicked his tongue, not liking the idea of being teased. He fished out the cigarette packet that he had found the dead body, & decided to try one. He wasn’t really fond of smoking. But he was curious what the rich ones tasted like. With the first drag, his whole face scrunched up in confusion at the peculiar fruity taste of the stick. Feeling worried that the rich people might’ve put some kind of drugs inside, he instantly threw it away & decided to give it to his brothers. Maybe they could tell what it was since they sometimes had random shits. They could keep it or throw it away, up to them.

The day of Hyunjin’s disappearance~

Wooyoung silently followed the dark shadow walking in front of him. Suddenly the man stopped & turned back, making him rush behind the bush on the side. The man looked around carefully before turning back & resumed walking. 

Wooyoung decided to wait for a few seconds, fearing the man would turn back to check again. But when the man went a little far without looking back, he carefully came out from the hiding & started following the man again. But this time, he kept enough distance between them.

The man’s posture looked nervous. His shoulders were stiff, hands wrapped around his body protectively as he kept looking around. As if he was afraid someone would see him. Little did he know that Wooyoung had been following him from the town hall. 

Wooyoung simply didn’t want to let this chance go. He went to the town hall to see if he could cut some deals for the stolen items. He managed to get a decent amount with the boots San brought last night. Enough for the next few days. When he was about to go home, he saw the man- Yushi, hiding behind the tent, small eyes fixed on the narrow path leading to the hill. 

Knowing this could be a chance to get to the mystery behind Yushi & prove Hyunjin’s innocence, he decided to keep an eye on Yushi. This was a chance he couldn’t miss. So, instead of going back home as Hongjoong asked him to, he decided to follow the other.

But back then he didn’t have any idea what was he signing up for.

It didn’t take much time before they reached the woods. Wooyoung slowed down, watching Yushi’s every move. The man stopped near the woods & he slipped behind a big tree. Yushi looked around, then fished out something from his pocket. Whatever it was, it fitted perfectly on the man’s palm. The man opened it & then closed it after a few seconds before slipping it back into his pocket.

Wooyoung guessed it was a watch. And, the way Yushi was looking around impatient every few seconds… he was waiting for someone.

But who? An accomplice?

Suddenly, there was a sound of rustle & hurried footsteps behind him. Scared & nervous, Wooyoung tried to slip more behind the tree, hoping to blend into the darkness. Then, he waited. Soon another figure emerged from the other side of the road. The man looked taller than him. Lean body hidden behind baggy clothes. The man looked around, & soon spotted Yushi near the woods, waving at him. The man’s stiffened posture relaxed almost immediately as if he was relieved. He waved back before jogging toward Yushi.

Wooyoung squinted his eyes, trying to get a look on the man’s face. But the man didn’t look back, at least not until he reached where Yushi was supposedly waiting for him. One moment, Wooyoung was fighting with his fears in the hope of getting Hyunjin out of the mess, another moment he was struck by lightning- suddenly feeling clueless & dumb.

It was none other than Hyunjin.

Wooyoung felt his tongue getting heavier as he watched Hyunjin & Yushing whispering to each other urgently under the pale moonlight. They didn’t look like strangers. Nor did the situation look like this meeting was an accident or a coincidence, like what Wooyoung wanted to believe. His heart started beating as he remembered what his brothers & Changbin told him.

“He’s been acting weird these days. Meeting these strangers in the dark.”

“He was seen with Yushi a few days ago.”

This wasn’t good! If Hyunjin had really got mixed with Yushi’s mess then-

No! Wooyoung needed to stop Hyunjin. He needed to drag him back home & he would whether Hyunjin liked it or not. He wasn’t gonna just sit back & watch Hyunjin ruin his & others' lives.

But before he could do or even say anything, Hyunjin & Yushi suddenly walked inside the woods. Wooyoung scurried out from the dark & rushed to where the other two had been standing just a moment ago. Without thinking much, he slipped inside the wood. But in vain.

There was no sign of any human. As if those two had simply vanished in thin air. He looked around trying to look for a sign that could tell him their direction. But it was dark & he could barely see anything. For a moment he wanted to trust his instinct & move forward. But then he hesitated, knowing he might get lost in the woods. And, it wasn’t really a safe place to be around alone.

But then, where did Hyunjin & Yushi go?

Knowing Hyunjin & his lack of direction sense, there was no way he could just go in & out of the woods so easily. He didn’t know about Yushi though. But finding a way in the woods that too in the night had to be tough. Maybe there was a sign that they followed?

Wooyoung fished out the old rusty lighter from his jacket’s pocket. After a few tries, it finally lit up. Heaving a sigh of relief, he started looking around carefully for any mark or sign on the trunks & branches.

It was then he finally found it. A small cross was engraved on the trunk of a tree. Now that he saw it he could tell one could easily feel it even if they blindly reached for it. Especially, the ones who made the sign. Not wanting to alert anyone of his presence, he put off the lighter & started feeling the tree trunks near the first sign. He found the second sign relatively fast. Then he found the third, & it started going on. The more he walked deeper inside the forest, the more he could notice the small signs of human presence.

Buds of cigarettes.

Tampled leaves.

Broken glass bottles.

They weren’t scattered. They were in a circle. A group of a least seven of eight was there earlier.

Wooyoung’s throat slowly went dry as he realized that Hyunjin & Yushi had company. And, it could be very dangerous for him if he got caught. His brothers were right. This wasn’t something he should put his nose into. But he already went so far, he couldn’t just back away. Steeling his mind & pushing the fear back of his head, he kept moving forward as carefully as he could.

But soon the fear rushed back when a commotion started inside. There was shouting & yelling. Voice angry & frightened as they kept yelling to catch someone. Wooyoung’s whole body froze in fear. Did they see him?!

He was wrong. They didn’t see him. As he hid behind a bug trunk two men ran past him without sparing another glance behind. A few more followed them right after. Wooyoung could make out the silver of the knives in their hands. A few had guns in their hands.

A loud gunshot rang inside the forest, shaking & waking up the birds in fear. Then there was another which was immediately followed by a pained cry of a person.

“KILL HIM!”

“DON’T LET HIM GET AWAY!”

Wooyoung never felt such fear. As if it was him those people were chasing to death. He stamped a hand over his mouth, in fear of making a sound as he curled inside the shadow more. Waiting to be left alone. 

In reality, it didn’t take much time for those men to scatter far inside the woods. But he felt like an eternity before he could finally move & try to look for the way out. He was shaking as he tried to find the cross signs in the trees. His breath was quivering as his round scared eyes darted everywhere in fear.

He spotted a few dead bodies & fresh blood oozing out from the wounds in their body. He felt like crying when he realized Hyunjin was amidst this mess. He didn’t know how to paint the situation anymore. Hyunjin could be in danger. Or, he could be the danger. But he knew crying & wasting time here wouldn’t do any good. He should head back home as early as possible & tell his brothers about the situation.

And, let Changbin & his family about Hyunjin as well.

But his body & mind came to a halt when he heard a familiar voice not too far from where he was.

“Hyunjin, put the gun down, please! We don’t have to do this!”

Wooyoung felt his stomach drop when realized who it was. Without thinking, he started following the voices.

“We can talk it out, Jinnie. We are family, aren’t we?” Hongjoong held out a hand in front of him. San was nervously looking between Hongjoong & the revolver in Hyunjin’s hand.

Wooyoung felt a shiver running down his spine as he processed the view in front of him. Hyunjin was pointing a gun toward his brothers, eyes cold as he stared at him without a hint of guilt or remorse. Then he noticed the opened bag & the scattered bills on the ground near Hyunjin.

He didn’t know what was going on. He didn’t know what his brothers were doing there. All he knew was that Hyunjin had gone crazy. He needed to stop Hyunjin. But before he could process anything, something heavy hit him from the back. With a pained cry, he fell, causing the tree to notice him.

He could vaguely make out San & Hongjoong’s worried voices calling out to him as he tried to focus his vision. He could tell Hyunjin was looking at him. He could tell by the way his posture that the boy didn’t expect him to be there. He looked startled at the turn of events.

His vision slowly got blurred as the pain spread all over his skull. He tried to take big breaths in an attempt to endure it but barely worked.

As he lost consciousness, he could hear a gunshot & a pained scream of San calling Hongjoong’s name. 

Chapter Text

Chan paced nervously inside his dimly lit room, the weight of unspoken words pressing heavily on his shoulders. His mind was a whirlwind of worry and anxiety, a storm brewing within him. The air in the room felt heavy as he wrestled with the decision to reveal the whole truth to Hyunjin.

As he continued to pace, the door creaked open, and Minho entered with a stern expression etched across his face. "We need to talk," Minho demanded, his eyes piercing through the room's shadows.

Caught off guard, Chan halted his restless pacing and turned to face Minho. The air seemed to thicken as the unspoken tension hung between them. He suddenly felt trapped. He averted his eyes away. “I can’t tell him, Minho. He’s happy & alive. So, please don’t-”

"Does it look like I want to tell him?" he questioned back, his gaze unwavering. “But If we don’t then someone else will, hyung.” He reasoned even though he was feeling just as torn as Chan. “Today Wooyoung came for him. Tomorrow San will. Or, maybe one of the survivors of the fire.”

Chan felt his legs going numb, breathing heavier at the mention of fire. “It wasn’t his fault.” He slumped down at the edge of the bed, head in his hands. “He has nothing to do with it.”

Minho closed his eyes & took a deep breath. “I understand you love him. We all do whether we show it or not. But you can’t erase the wrong he had done.” His stomach churned at the memories. He loved Hyunjin. He might’ve forgiven Hyunjin. But he couldn’t deny or forget what the boy had done to them. To Hongjoong. It wasn’t easy. Nor it would be easy for Wooyoung & the other victims. “He wouldn’t understand the gravity of the situation unless you tell him the whole truth.”

Chan could only shake his head in denial. “He’s gonna break, Minho. He-”

Minho got down on his knees in front of the older man. “And, we’re here to mend him.” he gently curled his fingers around the older man’s wrists & tugged them down. As Chan looked at him, eyes full of fear & tears, Minho offered a small smile of assurance. “Hyunjin will be fine.”

“Minho, please believe me. Hyunjin never left us willingly. He never wanted to hurt us.” Chan felt a sudden need to tell them the truth. The truth he saw on the night of his disappearance.

But Minho couldn’t understand. Did Chan think Minho was doing this to hurt Hyunjin? To get his revenge on the boy for leaving them behind? “It’s not fair, hyung,” Minho felt his eyes burn as he tried to blink away the tears of disappointment & sadness. It hurt to watch Chan blindly supporting Hyunjin through his wrongdoing while ignoring Minho’s feelings.

“Even if he had killed someone… even if he left us… left Felix on his deathbed… even if I never wanted to see him again after that… I did love him. We all did,” a drop of tear slid down his face as his voice trembled with hurt & sadness that he couldn’t hold back anymore. “It scares me to death that he’s gonna remember everything & realize that he’s stuck with us again.. The people he wanted to get away from… I’m so fucking tired of waking up to the idea of finding his room empty… & you saying that he had done nothing only shows that I’m making things up.” He clenches his jaws to hold back the sob, “Are my feelings… my fears really that insignificant?”

Chan shakes his head, hands gently cradling the younger’s face as if Minho was made of glass. “You’re feelings are valid. Your fears are valid,” he assured the younger male. “I trust you guys.. You.. with my life, Minho. I know Hyunjin had messed up a big time. And, I know you still love & care about him the same even after that.” he gently thumbed away the beads of tears from the younger’s face.

“But please believe me when I say Hyunjin didn’t leave as behind. He didn’t want to leave, Minho.” Chan felt the dam break inside him as the memories from that night resurfaced behind his eyes. “They took him away.”

Minho felt like someone had splashed a bucket of cold water on him. Breath caught in his throat, his eyes silently searched for an explanation from the older man. But Chan kept crying & saying sorry again & again.

“W-what are you talking about hyung?!” Minho’s voice came out breathless. “Who took him away?!”

Chan didn’t answer. He kept apologizing & Minho was at a loss. He didn’t know what was wrong or why the hell Chan was crying & apologizing like this.

“Hyung please-”

“I saw him that night,” Chan interrupted, voice still trembling as he looked away from Minho. “Hyunjin was with Felix when I went to check Felix’s temperature. He had crying, holding Felix close to him.”

Minho waited patiently for Chan to finish even though his heart felt anxious.

“I didn’t want to make things awkward for him. He had already been distant from us at that time. I just wanted to give him some time to act on his emotions instead of bottling up everything. But then I fell asleep.” Chan took a shaky breath, “I woke up to muffled voices around me. I saw Hyunjin then, he was talking with someone. I didn’t recognize the voice so I just kept my eyes shut & pretended to sleep wanting to know what was going on with Jinnie.”

“We have to leave now.” the unknown voice demanded, making Hyunjin let out a small whimper.

“Please, my family-”

“You being here is only gonna make things harder for them, Hwang. This is the only way to save them. Abandon them.”

Chan’s eyes flew open at that. His heart was beating loudly in his chest as he tried to process the situation. He heard hurried footsteps following down the stairs & Hyunjin’s muffled cries. He immediately got up & carefully followed them. He couldn’t just charge the man without even knowing how many people there were actually. The man was holding Hyunjin’s arm, pulling him along as he walked out. Chan couldn’t see the man’s face but felt his heart drop when he recognized the dress that the man was wearing. It looked like the one from the army.

With the realization settled heavily in his heart, he watched the man walk away with Hyunjin following him closely. Chan felt his heart wrench painfully when Hyunjin turned to look back at their home.

The sadness & fear in the younger’s eyes flared up as soon as their eyes met. Like a deer caught in a headlight, Hyunjin’s eyes widened when he realized Chan saw him. Chan couldn’t stop himself & rushed out of the house to get Hyunjin. But as soon as he stepped out of the door, Hyunjin vigorously shook his head. Desperately begging Chan not to follow him.

So, with the guilt wrapped around his heart, he took a step back & hid in the darkness of the house just in time. The unknown man turned back & scanned the area cautiously before asking Hyunjin to walk faster.

Minho stumbled back on the floor. Eyes fixated on the older man who was still crying. “Why?” he found himself asking, unable to understand why would the older man hide this from them. “Why didn’t you tell us?!” He felt like someone had punched all the air out of his lungs. “Hyung? We blamed him! We-” his voice got caught in his throat. “We hated him for leaving us behind! For months!”

“I was scared, Minho.” Chan quavered, “He didn’t want us to know. He didn’t want me to find him.” he looked at Minho, who only frowned in agony. “If you guys knew then you would’ve tried to find him. You guys would’ve gone to any length to get to him.”

“Yes! I would have!” Minho shot back as he got up from the floor, his loud voice ringing inside the room. He could barely care that Chan was crying. He was livid at the moment. “Because this is what family does, hyung! This is what we do for the people we love!”

Chan stood up as well & tried to get closer to Minho who only took a step back. Chan felt his heart bleed. “I had already lost Hyunjin by then, Minho. I couldn’t risk losing you guys too!”

“Is this why you kept looking for Hyunjin after the war ended?” Minho finally connected the dots. When Chan nodded, Minho closed his eyes & let the tears fall. 

“Hyunjin is dead, hyung. Hyunjin had died a year ago.”

What had he done? He was so caught up in the lies & secrets that his heart couldn’t differentiate between right & wrong. He hurt Hyunjin. And, now he was hurting someone else. Opening his eyes, he found Chan on the floor, silently crying with his head in his hands.

He wanted to reach out. Pull the man in his arms. The fact that this very man was the reason behind his invalid hatred for Hyunjin was holding him back. He wanted to yell at the man. Scream profanities for letting Hyunjin go so easily. But then again Chan was only protecting them. He had been carrying the guilt of letting Hyunjin go for months, & suffered all alone.

Minho just didn’t know what to do anymore.

Hyunjin didn’t know what time it was when he slipped out of the house. He didn’t even notice if anyone had seen him going out or called out to him. Everything but the loud voice inside his head was muffled in his ears. A voice that repeatedly reminded him about his past. He had overheard Chan & Minho a while ago when he went to look for Chan. Needless to say, he couldn’t just stay there anymore. Not after knowing what he had done.

The world outside lay cloaked in darkness, a canvas of shadows illuminated only by the faint glow of the moon overhead hidden behind the ominous clouds. The air, infused with the scent of imminent rain, added an extra layer of foreboding to his already burdened steps to an aimless journey.

His footsteps were muffled against the hushed symphony of the night, each one a reluctant cadence echoing the melancholy etched on his face. He moved as if on autopilot, driven by an unseen force compelling him toward the heart of the town. All while the voice inside his head replaying the words from earlier like a broken record- again & again.

The dimly lit street lamps cast long, distorted shadows that danced along the pavement. Hyunjin walked, his mind tangled in a web of thoughts. His gaze fixated on the ground beneath his feet, betrayed the weight of his emotions. The houses stood as silent witnesses to his solitude. The windows, devoid of life, stared back at him like vacant eyes. The occasional flicker of a distant streetlight played tricks on his senses, casting fleeting illusions that mirrored the ephemeral nature of his own fleeting happiness.

It had already started raining by the time he reached the town hall. His arms soon wrapped around his body as the coldness started slowly seeping through the fabric of his shirt to his skin. But his steps didn’t falter, now finding a gentle rhythm with the rain. Suddenly, something caught his attention. It was the night bar, not too far from him. In the middle of the sleeping town, the bar looked like the only thing alive. Windows glowed in the yellow of the tungsten bulbs as muffled music seeped through the gaps between wooden doors & rhyming with the pitter-patter of the rain. The closer Hyunjin went, the clearer the music got. So did the carefree laughs of the people that lived in the night. They sounded so happy.

His steps faltered as he listened to them. Tears easily welled up in his eyes as the reality loomed over him once again. He wanted that. He wanted to laugh happily. Sing carefreely. But he couldn’t do that. He didn’t have the right.

He had killed someone.

He had left his family to burn dead in the middle of the night.

Yet, he dared to come back to them hoping them to forgive & accept him.

No wonder Jisung hated him. No wonder Minho felt it’d have been better if he was dead. Maybe that was why Felix still couldn’t look him in the eyes. Because Hyunjin simply didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve any of them.

A sudden surge of emotion hit him like a wave, tightening around his heart like a vice. The world around him seemed to blur, tears threatening to spill over. The weight of his guilt & regret finally breached the dam he was trying to save.

Suddenly, the bar door opened, and a dark figure walked out. The music & the laughter got louder for a few seconds, & hit Hyunjin’s weak heart hard. Hyunjin backed away, hands flying to his ears & pressed hard. His head hurt. His heart hurt. It was getting too much.

A single tear traced down his face, marking the beginning of the unraveling of his guilt-trapped heart as he started running- away from the town to somewhere unknown. His breath caught in his throat, and a subtle quiver betrayed the inner turmoil. His lips trembled pathetically as another drop of tear fell. His heart was aching. As if someone had stabbed & twisted the knife inside him. The voice in his head screamed. Yelled at him to take responsibility instead of running away like a coward.

Hyunjin’s legs bucked the next moment, making him crash down in a dark alley. He didn’t register the pain as rocks & broken pieces of bricks pricking into his skin. Nor did he register the blood that started staining his knees.

“Stop!” He cried out, fingers urgently curling in his hair before he started pulling them. He was losing it. “Please stop!” He kept begging, voice breaking as he begged again & again. But it was ruthless. It laughed at his pathetic self. It mocked him. It wanted him to suffer like all the people he had hurt. Hyunjin didn’t know what to do, nor did he know how to make everything right. The only thing he could do was cry.

~~~

Wooyoung let out another annoyed sigh when one of the customers suddenly decided to be loud. It didn’t help that he already was in a bad mood & the fact that his head was somewhere close to splitting into pieces with the headache he had. Deciding to call it a night, he slapped two bills over the wooden counter & left without even bothering to get the changes.

As soon as he pushed the door open & stepped outside, a curse escaped his lips. It was raining. Frustrated, he looked around the shed to see if he could find an umbrella that he could borrow. But there was none.

Fuck it!

Holding his hands above his head in a poor attempt to shield himself from the pouring rain, he stepped out from the shed but then immediately stopped when he noticed a tall figure not too far from him. If it was some other day, he’d have spared a glance & gone on his own way. But the moment he spotted him- Hwang Hyunjin, clad in the same shirt he was wearing earlier this evening, he went rigid. 

His anger once again started rushing back to his state at the sight of the younger male. His hands, now fallen beside him, balled into fists as he tried not to jump on the other. Not when Hyunjin looked like he was about to collapse on the ground. Brows furrowed in confusion & anger he watched the other pressing his hands against his ears as his body shook violently. One moment Hyunjin was shaking & the very next moment he started running to the south.

Something was very wrong here. With Hyunjin.

Without thinking much he started running behind the other, following the latter ignoring his headache that felt like increasing with every step he took. It was only when Hyunjin suddenly stumbled & crashed down on the side beside a dark alley, he stopped in his tracks. He wearily looked at the ground, noticing the broken glasses, pieces of bricks & countless small rocks down. It didn’t take him much to understand they were in some abandoned part of the town.

“Stop! Please stop!”

Alarmed at the sudden scream from the younger, he looked up & found the other backing up to a wall, knees pulled to his chest, lips trembling pathetically. Wooyoung felt his heart clench at the sight. Forgetting about his brother’s death for a moment, he rushed to the younger’s side.

“Hyunjin?!” He called out, but as if Hyunjin couldn’t hear him he kept chanting something to stop. He wasn’t in his right mind.

Sensing Hyunjin wasn’t gonna stop, he grabbed the younger’s wrist & forcefully moved them away from the other’s head. He pointedly ignored the hard metal-like feeling in his left hand & called out the younger louder this time.

Hyunjin stopped moving almost immediately. Wooyoung held his breath as he watched the younger slowly open his eyes & looked up. As their eyes locked, different emotions started blooming inside his chest while a look of recognition settled on Hyunjin’s face.

Hatred.

Anger.

Worry.

Sympathy.

He didn’t know how to grip & hang on to one of them. How wanted to hate the younger with every fibre of his body. But he didn’t know how to when he realized how broken those tearful eyes that stared back at him. His eyes took in the condition the younger was. Red & purple bruises scatted all over his face & neck from the earlier abuse. Eyes red indicating the younger had been crying for a while.

“..sorry..”

Wooyoung frowned. “What?” he couldn’t understand.

Drops of tears slipped from the younger’s face, mixing with the rain as he stared right into Wooyoung’s soul. “I’m sorry,” he apologized again. Because he didn’t know what else to do.

Wooyoung let out a shaky breath, “...you remember…me?” he asked, a hint of hope lit up in his heart. But was immediately blown off when Hyunjin broke into a muted sob & shook his head. He didn’t remember.

As if Wooyoung was burnt, he let go of the other & backed away- maintaining a decent distance between himself & the crying male. He tried to make sense of the situation. Hyunjin didn’t remember him. He didn’t remember anything. Yet he was here, sitting under the pouring rain & crying, asking Wooyoung’s forgiveness.

His eyes burned as tears started to gather up. He felt his heart beating painfully inside his chest, head a mess. Why did it happen to him? Why was it so easy for Hyunjin to forget everything? Why was it so easy for Hyunjin to apologize & ask for forgiveness?

“Bring him back to me..” He demanded, voice trembling in grief & anger. He watched as Hyunjin broke down in another sob. “Bring my brother back Hyunjin!” he screamed in agony. “Turn back time or whatever you can! Bring my brother to life.” His voice turned desperate by the end, tears freely flowing down his eyes.

He hated this. Feeling helpless & grief-ridden. The reality that no matter what Hyunjin did, his brother wouldn’t come back to him was the fuel to his hatred & anger. Yet, the sight of Hyunjin folding on the ground, crying & apologizing in every breath ached his heart. His heart & mind were torn into pieces.

“Why did you come back?” he whispered, shoulder dropped down defeatedly as he stared at the man in front of him. “Why you of all the people had to forget everything?” There were countless nights Wooyoung spent crying & asking the God above to wake him up from this nightmare. Countless moments when he wanted nothing but to forget everything. But the God- He never took pity on him. But He took pity on Hyunjin. Wooyoung didn’t understand why.

“When I saw you earlier today, I wanted nothing but to kill you,” Wooyoung confessed, eyes taking in the mess Hyunjin was at that moment. He could see through the soaked fabric of the younger’s shirt. A skeleton-like metal attached to the flesh on the shoulder. “I wished you to die. To burn you to death like the ones you left behind to die.”

Hyunjin looked up at the other man. Suddenly Wooyoung looked nothing like the man who he had seen just a few hours ago. The angry frown had melted into grief. The man looked broken. Hyunjin broke him.

“You should do it,” Hyunjin found himself speaking, blank eyes staring right at the broken ones. “There is no one to stop you.” I won’t stop you.

Wooyoung was tempted to do so. Hyunjin was right. He could kill Hyunjin & take his revenge right here. No Changbin or Chan was there to stop him. A part of him wanted to watch Hyunjin bleed down to death as Hongjoong died.

Hyunjin watched in silence as Wooyoung reached for something on his back. It only took him a few seconds to realize what the shiny metal was in the other man’s hand. A revolver. For once, Hyunjin didn’t feel scared as the man wordlessly pointed the gun at him. For once, he felt like everything was gonna be alright.

This was what should’ve happened the moment Chan found him. A small smile of acceptance curled up on his lips as he closed his eyes, ready to accept his fate.

Chapter Text

Felix felt the bed dip behind him. A gentle rustle, and then a cold body slipped under the cover silently. At first, he thought it was Chan or Minho who came to check his temperature again. But when he didn’t feel a hand over his forehead, he guessed it was just Jisung or Jeongin who were always cautious not to make him uncomfortable after that one time Felix had whined about their hands being cold.

He waited a few more seconds. Whoever it was, they kept quiet. But he could feel the weight of their gaze on him. Felix slowly turned over & peeled his eyes open, blinking heavily as he tried to focus his vision on the boy in front of him. His breathing faltered for a second when he realized it was Hyunjin. This was the first time he had seen the boy in the last few days. For some reason, Hyunjin was always away somewhere & never came to see him even when he was home. He had heard Seungmin talking with Chan & Minho the other day. Hyunjin had been avoiding them too. Then Jisung & Hyunjin got into a fight. Everyone was worried. So, was Felix. He was worried & sad. He missed Hyunjin a lot.

His eyes silently scanned the boy’s face, noticing the evident dark circles under his eyes. His lips were bitten red. Eyes sad, lashes clamped together indicating he might’ve cried recently. He looked tired & miserable. Felix’s heart clenched painfully. He hated seeing Hyunjin like this. He wanted to ask what was wrong. He wanted to know what was making his Hyunjin so damn miserable that the boy was slowly losing himself.

But he decided not to ask. Others were already doing that. He’d rather bet on their silence, one that said nothing yet meant everything to them. Without any words spoken, he hustled closer to the older boy, lips curling into a small smile when Hyunjin readily accepted him in his arms. With one hand of the older under his head, & the other circled to the small of his back, Felix closed his eyes & took a deep breath.

Hyunjin smelt like ashes & cigarettes. Hyunjin didn’t like cigarettes.

Felix clenched his jaws, suddenly hit with a wave of sadness. His eyes were burning behind the closed lids. He shut them tight, not wanting to cry & nestled closer to the older boy, who just let him.

“I missed you,” Felix breathed out, feeling his whole body shiver at the temperature difference between them. His breath was slightly warmer than earlier. His fever must be coming back again. Usually, this was the time when he’d reach over to the bedside table & ring the small bell Chan left for him. Then the others would come over with medicine & start fussing over him, worried & scared. But right now- he just wanted to stay with Hyunjin. He decided not to tell the older boy that he was feeling sick. The way he was clinging to the older boy, Hyunjin would find out soon enough. Until then, he’d relish the feeling of having Hyunjin back & with him.

Eventually, his breathing got heavier as his body started burning up again. He felt Hyunjin rustle against him, pressing his cold palm over his forehead & cursing silently when he realized the situation. He whined pathetically when Hyunjin pulled away from him, & blindly trying to reach out to the boy. Hyunjin held his hand, gently squeezing it before he let go. In a minute, Felix felt someone gently picking his head from the pillow & tapping something against his lips. Practiced, he parted his lips & took the medicine.

“Stay with me…” Felix weakly held on to Hyunjin’s shirt, eyes heavy & blurry as he tried to focus them on the boy. Hyunjin hesitated for a second before he carefully went back to bed. Felix hummed in contentment as Hyunjin’s bony arms wrapped around him once again. With his heart at ease, he slowly slipped deeper into his sleep- head & limbs heavy like lead.

When Felix thought about it later, he realized when Hyunjin had said that he was leaving- he thought it was just a fleeting nightmare. Why wouldn’t he? After all, he had Hyunjin with him. As if the hands wrapped around him weren’t enough proof of that. But then, he woke up the next morning & found the bed cold & empty. For real, Hyunjin had left him alone to pick up the pieces of his heart.

For days, he kept staring at the door- waiting for Hyunjin to come back. But he never did. He vanished in thin air. Hyunjin forgot about him.

But now- after all this time, Chan was finally telling them what he had seen… whatever had happened in this very house before Hyunjin left them- tore down the last wall between him & Hyunjin. 

“I don’t know who he killed or why… But I know that he didn’t leave us willingly… He was forced.”

Felix ran, without even looking back at the others. He could care less about what others were feeling now the truth was out, not when Hyunjin was just a stair away & Felix’s broken heart was craving to be with the boy like crazy.

Felix scanned the room with desperate eyes, trembling hands held on to the door as the realization settled inside him. Hyunjin was supposed to be resting inside his room after Chan had given him the painkillers. He was supposed to be curled up in the bed, waiting for the pain to lessen & counting the bruises on his arms while wearily waiting for someone to explain whatever the hell was going on.

But Hyunjin wasn’t there. The bed was empty & the room was devoid of any presence of a living being apart from himself.

When Minho had run out in the pouring rain looking for Hyunjin, there were a few things on his mind. The possibility of Hyunjin overhearing his argument with Chan was one of them. If not, then Hyunjin had regained his memories & he was scared, so was now running away- which was very unlikely of Hyunjin. Because, for the love of God, Minho couldn’t think of any other reason Hyunjin would leave.

They had split into two groups, Minho along with Jisung, Seungmin & Jeongin had decided to look into the city, while the other three went to the opposite. Upon reaching the city, they spit up & started looking on their own. It was tough with the rain washing away the footprint, if there were any, from the soil & no people out to see where Hyunjin could’ve gone.

They looked around every possible place Hyunjin could be. The dark alleys. Mr. Choi’s place. The night bar. Jisung even went far enough to sneak inside the medical camp. Leaving Seungmin outside the camp for Jisung, he decided to check the ruins. Then, the checkposts at the entrance.

Something about this place scared Minho ever since the war. The dark shadows of the abandoned buildings & the burnt trees looked creepy. Almost making him feel like someone was watching him. His lungs felt congested at the non-existent smell of the burnt flesh. Stomach churned at the memories of discarded bodies surrounded by dogs & vultures. Clenching his jaws tight, Minho sped up hoping to find Hyunjin soon.

And, he did find Hyunjin. But not the way he hoped he would. The sight of Hyunjin on the ground with a gun pointed at his head had Minho’s blood run cold. Terrified to his core, Minho started running to the men not too far from him.

Wooyoung didn’t look surprised when Minho suddenly came between him & Hyunjin. He watched silently, gun still pointed forward, as the older man crashed down on the ground & protectively wrapped his arms around Hyunjin. & When Minho looked back at him over his shoulder, Wooyoung felt the pain inside his chest double at the raw fear & determination he saw in Minho’s dark orbs. Minho stared at him- glaring eyes red, jaws clenched & heart stilled. He stared at Wooyoung as if he was saying-

You have to kill me first.

Only God knew how much Wooyoung wanted to pull the trigger at that moment. They did say- an eye for an eye. For his family, he could take Hyunjin’s. Maybe when Hyunjin would watch Minho bleed to death- when he’d lose the ones he loved only then he would understand the pain he had caused Wooyoung. 

But what was the point? Hoongjong wasn’t gonna come back? Hyunjin had no memories. Changbin & others were gonna suffer. Wooyoung, himself, was gonna drown in the guilt if anything happened to Minho because of him.

Wooyoung looked away, unable to stare back at Minho anymore. Hastily wiping the tears with the back of his hand, he turned away. He couldn’t do it. Maybe someday when he would be able to shake off all the attachment he had with that family, he would kill Hyunjin without blinking an eye.

But not today.

As Wooyoung’s blurry figure disappeared, God knew where to, Minho finally let himself look back at the boy in his arms. Each drop of rain echoed the storm raging within his heart as he noticed the weight in his arms felt heavier with each passing second.

"Hyunjin," Minho's voice quivered with desperation as he called out into the empty night, his words swallowed by the pouring rain. There was no response, only the agonizing silence punctuated by Hyunjin's muffled, pained groans.

Frantically, Minho shook the boy, his hands trembling as he sought any sign of life. But Hyunjin remained unresponsive, his feverish body a stark contrast against the chill of the rain-soaked night.

Panic clawed at Minho's chest, threatening to suffocate him as he struggled to comprehend the gravity of the situation. Each labored breath that escaped Hyunjin's lips was a painful reminder of the fragility of life. Fever scared him; ever since they almost lost Felix to it during the war.

With trembling hands, Minho brushed aside strands of wet hair plastered to Hyunjin's forehead, his touch gentle yet filled with an urgency born of fear. The heat radiating from Hyunjin's skin seared Minho's fingertips.

He maneuvered the boy; shading Hyunjin from the rain with his body, a hand cushioning Hyunjin’s head while the other wrapped around the boy protectively, pulling the boy’s face in his chest.

He looked around desperately, hoping to find anyone. “You’ll be fine. Hyung is here, Jinnie.” Tears mingled with raindrops on Minho's cheeks as he whispered words of reassurance, though he knew not if they reached the ears of the boy he held so dear. His heart ached with a depth of emotion he could scarcely comprehend, the fear of losing Hyunjin threatening to consume him whole.

The way Hyunjin was trembling in his arms, breathing heavily against his chest- only threw Minho into a deeper panicked state. His head was aching, ears ringing. A sane part of his mind was telling him to hold on, that this wasn’t the time to fall into despair. This wasn’t the time to let his fears win.

Through the haze of despair, Minho's mind raced, jaws clenched tight while searching for a hint of clarity amidst the chaos. But all he could see was Hyunjin, his pale features contorted in pain, a silent plea etched into every line of his face.

He needed to get Hyunjin back home. He needed Chan to help Hyunjin. He could do nothing in his state of mind. Gathering every ounce of strength within him, Minho hoisted Hyunjin on his back- head hidden on the crook of his neck. With each step, he willed himself forward, guided by an unwavering determination even though his own breath was faltering slowly.

But he refused to give up now. Not when he had so many things to tell Hyunjin. He had to apologize to the boy. He had already wasted months, not allowing himself to forgive & forget. Now, when he finally knew the truth- he wasn’t gonna let Hyunjin go so easily. He wouldn’t let anyone take him away. Not even the God was allowed to take Hyunjin away from him.

As they stumbled through the rain-soaked streets, Minho's heart beat in time with the rhythm of Hyunjin's labored breaths, each pulse a prayer for help, for a glimmer of hope amidst the unwelcomed despair.

Jeongin felt relief washing over him when he spotted Minho’s familiar figure stumbling inside the city with Hyunjin. The rain had stopped a while ago, which gave him a clear view of the older two. Soon his relief was replaced with worry when he realized Hyunjin was unconscious on Minho’s back. And, Minho looked nowhere composed & well. Even from a distance, he could see the way Minho was breathing & swaying left to right.

Jeongin dashed to the older, hands reaching for Minho to hold him steady.

“We need to get him home, Innie.” This was the first thing Minho said, looking at Jeongin who was actually more worried for Minho.

Jeongin spared a worried look at the unconscious man before looking back at Minho. The older man was trembling, breathing labored, eyes red. “We will, but you need to-”

Minho interjected with a firm shake of his head, he wasn’t the priority here. “He’s burning, Jeongin. He wouldn’t respond to my calls! We need to get him to Chan immediately!”

Jeongin’s movement faltered finally realizing the gravity of the situation. Minho was having another of his episodes. Chan mentioned it was from the trauma he received during the war. There were times when he had volunteered to take care of the patients in the camps along with Chan & Seungmin. He watched hundreds of people die beside him. And, after that, they almost lost Felix to the fever. That was the last straw from Minho.

Minho kept rambling & tried to walk past Jeongin in hurried & panicked steps. Jeongin opened his arms immediately, effectively blocking the path & halting Minho’s movement. The older one looked up at him, glassy eyes full of anger & desperation.

“Jeongin, get the hell out of my way! We need to hurry-”

Jeongin held Minho’s face in a firm grip & looked dead in those hysteric red eyes, “Hyung… breath.” he whispered.

Minho’s brows furrowed more. “Jeongin, we don’t have time for th-”

“We do!” Jeongin cut through, “He’ll be fine, hyung. Hyunjin hyung is strong. He’s gonna fight through it & get better in no time, I promise!” He watched Minho blink back at him, suddenly calmer than before as if the panic bulb inside his head had abruptly shut off. Almost as if he was waiting for someone to tell him that Hyunjin would be fine. 

Jeongin exhaled gently, “He'll be fine. But I also need you to be okay. I need you to close your eyes & take a deep breath. Can you do it for us, hyung?” he asked in a gentle tone, eyes still locked with the older man as he chose to ignore the footsteps nearing them.

Minho blinked a few times as if he was trying to process everything. After a few seconds of silence & Jeongin's encouraging smile, he shakily nodded. He closed his eyes, & took a deep breath. When he peeled his eyes open, his heart was calmer than before. He found Jisung & Seungmin behind Jeongin, looking at him with evident worry in their eyes. But they didn’t say anything. Nor did they ask anything, for which Minho was grateful. He wasn't sure he was ready to tell how he had found Hyunjin.

In silence, Jisung & Seungmin helped Hyunjin's dead weight off his back. They sent him small smiles of reassurance before they took off with Hyunjin on Jisung’s back. Minho watched them go; heart at ease at the sight of Jisung carefully wrapping his hands under Hyunjin’s knees & Seungmin at the back with a careful hand on Hyunjin’s back.

“Hyung?”

Minho looked aside & found their youngest squatting on the ground. He blinked in confusion.

Jeongin laughed, “Come on, hyung. I’ll give your old bones a free ride back home.” he waved his hand at the older man, asking him to get on his back.

If it was some other time, Minho would’ve snorted & gently kicked the younger. Maybe chasing him down the city until the younger stopped & begged him to forgive the child. But tonight, Minho didn’t feel anything in him to do so. He felt vulnerable, & scared. He wanted nothing but comfort.

He silently got on the younger’s back, hands loosely wrapped around the broad shoulders & face hidden on the boy’s neck. His grip tightened as Jeonging hoisted them up.

“Don’t worry, hyung. I won’t let you fall. We’ll all get back home safe & sound.”

A small smile curled up on Minho’s lips as he let his eyes close. He believed Jeongin.

They'd be fine. Hyunjin would be fine.

Chapter Text

“This is getting insane!” Xiaojun grumbled. “When will they realize that they aren’t gonna get any answer from him?!”

Doyoung blinked up at the young nurse & found the boy frowning down at the ugly bruise on their patient’s back. Samuel Kim was again back in their infirmary. This was the second time this week.

“Isn’t it better if they don’t?” he asked, eyes traveling back to the reports in his hands. Samuel’s report was still the same, except for the new bruises that come & go every three or four days in max. “The moment they realize that he-” he blindly pointed at the unconscious patient with the pen in his hand, “-is of no use to them, they’re gonna get rid of him.” That would be no good.

Xiojun’s frown deepened more, jaws clenched tight. “At least, he won’t have to nearly die every other day.” It was better to die once. “I’m tired of patching him up every single time. Good thing he’s out of it today. I can’t even look at his eyes now!” He felt nothing but guilt whenever their eyes would meet. They’d look at him with tears & desperation. He could feel them silently begging him to help them. But his hands were tied here. One wrong step, he could be in their position in the blink of an eye.

Doyoung dropped the reports on the table with a small sigh & leaned back on the table, hands loosely folded over his chest. “That’s just what you think. There are so many who count days & live every second in gratitude because they aren’t dead yet,” he said in a monotonous voice. He somewhat got used to it. The silent plea in their eyes no longer kept him awake at night. Instead, they lull him to sleep. Because that was the only way he could escape from reality. “They’d do anything to stay alive. To go back to their family.”

Xiojun snorted. “Dr. Kim, please name one man who made it out from here alive. You don't really believe those… Those people are still alive, do you?”

Doyoung’s eyes fell on the unconscious man’s face as he mulled over the question. It was true. Whoever had stumbled inside this prison, hadn’t managed to step a single step out alive. Over the past two years, he had seen countless bodies carried out to be discarded. Many were still inside the prison, counting days with a small hope that one day they were gonna get out of there. And, some extremely unlucky people were also here. They managed to step out of this prison, but after that, they just disappeared from the face of the earth. 

At first, he used to think they got killed by the military. Because there was no way the military would let their secrets out. Even if someone tried to escape from the country illegally, they’d be shot down before they could even step near the border. But recently, rumors were going around the dark hallways of the prison.

The new government had started a project. Some said it was another random research center. Some even said it was an experiment; one where the government needed living test subjects. It was suspected that those missing people were taken there for experiments.

Last month when he visited the Northern camp, he saw the discreet look the military shared. They looked unprepared & startled at his arrival. He had seen the barricades & armies blocking & separating a big part of the camp. No one other than the authorized personnel was allowed on that side of the camp. Not even he, a higher-ranked government doctor, was allowed to visit that side of the camp.

Upon asking, they mentioned something about the possibility of another Cholera outbreak. It’d be the seventh one if they were telling the truth. They said they were keeping the suspected & diagnosed people separate until they were confirmed about it. But that didn’t explain the thick stench of burnt flesh on the air of North camp on the day of his arrival.

He had a suspicion. But he dared not to ask or say more than necessary. He could already tell there was something bigger & more brutal than the capital prison going on in the Northern camp. & If his intuition was right, those missing people were indeed the unluckiest. & many more were gonna stumble upon the same fate as theirs.

His eyes wandered back to the unconscious patient. He couldn’t help but think that the man had little time left. It had already been two years. There was a limit to a person’s tolerance. Either Samuel was gonna be tortured to death soon, or he was gonna be another of the govt. test subjects.

The man… He hoped that man wouldn't be one of those people. Not that he could help if it happened. But one thing was sure- Xiaojun did say right when he said the death was better than the unknown torture in the Northern camp.

Hyunjin was confused. Torn between the past & the present. With the newfound acceptance of his family & the knowledge of the pain that he had caused someone who once was his friend- his heart was having a hard time settling & letting the time heal the wounds.

He didn’t remember much from the night. The last thing Hyunjin remembered after waking up was Minho coming between Wooyoung & him. He remembered the strong arms that wrapped around his body like a protective barrier, shielding him from the death he was waiting for.

He had woken up scared & anxious the next day- running downstairs with tears clinging to his lashes as his eyes darted in visible panic until they found Minho curled up in his room. The sight of him had made Minho scramble up from the bed, visibly relieved. That was the second time Hyunjin was pulled in Minho’s arm in the months of his return. Now that he wasn’t dizzy with the fever in his veins, he realized how warm Minho’s hugs were. It melted away the last bit of the distance they had. They cried together. Out of relief. Out of guilt. Out of the fear of losing each other.

Felix was no better. The boy had clung to him for dear life. Apologizing & crying, until Hyunjin was again a crying mess. His heart couldn’t ignore nor it could deny how unburdened he felt at that moment. After all these months, he finally felt accepted.

He wasn’t angry with Chan, nor he was upset about the fact that he had hidden something so important from all of them. Because he understood where the older man was coming from. His feelings... His fears were valid as much as the feeling of abandonment of the others. Besides, if Hyunjin had really stopped Chan from following him- then he did it because he didn’t want the others to find him & fall into the same pit along with him. He was actually happy to know Chan hadn’t told anyone about him & let the water flow on its own. All this pain & resentment meant nothing if it kept his family safe & away from the danger that was swallowing him.

He knew he’d do it again if necessary.

While his heart finally felt at peace, his mind was full of chaos that kept him awake night after night. He might not be the one to abandon his family willingly. He might not be the one behind the fire. But he was still a killer. He had ruined a family.

The voices in his head kept telling him that he didn’t deserve this life. They kept reminding him about the sins of his past. It was hard to sleep when all he could see was blood in his hands behind his closed lids.

Hands stained with red. Legs were ankle-down in the pool of the same red. Unnamed bodies floating to the pile of rotten ones while the alive ones were running away from him.

This was what took Hyunjin to Wooyoung every single day- eyes full of silent pleas & enormous guilt as he’d wait for the other to say something or do anything that would ease the guilt & regret in his heart. His family was worried. But they couldn’t stop Hyunjin when they realized that he wouldn’t be able to live with this guilt. So, instead of stopping him & tying him to the pillars inside the house, as Jisung & Jeongin suggested, they decided to let him try. But they also made sure that one of them would always be with him when he went to Wooyoung.

It didn’t take too long for the others to realize that Wooyoung wasn’t gonna harm Hyunjin. At least not anytime soon. Wooyoung bluntly ignored Hyunjin. Acting as if Hyunjin didn’t exist. He wouldn’t even bat an eye at the guilt-ridden boy. But Hyunjin didn’t stop. He’d go to the length of waiting for Wooyoung at the porch of the older’s house in the morning. Waiting outside the bar for hours, uncaring of the scorching sun & the weird glances of the people around him.

Sometimes Jeongin would come looking for him when Jisung wouldn’t be able to convince him to go back home. Sometimes, he’d leave on his own & hide in the kitchen of Felix’s bakery- with disheartened eyes & a wry smile. Sometimes Minho would ask for his help to carry the groceries back home from the market; Hyunjin would only spare a saddened glance back at the door of Wooyoung’s workplace & then follow the older back home. There are also times when Seungmin would practically drag him to his work while ranting about extra work & new staff. Hyunjin would silently listen to him, forgetting about Wooyoung for a while, & hoped the younger would feel better after ranting. Changbin would often come to visit him but never would try to drag or send him somewhere else. Instead, he’d sit beside him & lend his shoulder to the younger with a small smile that made the scorching heat of the sun a little more bearable for Hyunjin. And, Chan… the oldest of their house would always welcome him home with a warm hug & a gentle reminder.

“You’ll be fine.”

Hyunjin believed him. Because Chan never lied to him.

Felix had always been considered weak whether it was about withstanding the beatings from the shopowners or the fever that always ran in his veins. He wasn’t much athletic either, always getting hurt, unlike the other stray kids around the city. He got scared almost at everything. Crying readily if anything went wrong. Kids used to make fun of the flaky brown dots on his face. Called him ugly. Teased him to tears. He’d hide behind the old chapel & cry to sleep, hunger of days still in his stomach.

“You… you have stars on your face!”

That was the very first thing Hyunjin had said to him, looking unbothered at the rabid dog down the alley barking at them. But if Felix had stars in his face, Hyunjin held a whole galaxy in his eyes. He still remembered how Hyunjin was looking at him, eyes twinkling in awe; his shoulder-length black hair messy, face dirty & chapped lips parted in a mesmerized smile.

If Felix were to count Hyunjin would be his first in many things. Because in the beginning, it was only the two of them. He was the first person who looked at Felix with a smile. The very first person who offered his hand for him to hold. Hyunjin had been the only one to stand up against the bullies. Running down the streets in bare feet, hands clasped together & lips stretched in wide grins. 

For Felix, Hyunjin was the center of his universe. No matter how many times the older boy had called him sunshine, he couldn’t help but think Hyunjin was the sun himself. & Felix’s world simply orbited around the sun. A world that he couldn’t make alone. A world that Hyunjin helped him to put together.

Sometimes he felt a little guilty when he’d look at Hyunjin & forget everything around them. He loved the others. A lot. He loved the way Chan had them all wrapped in a warm & protective barrier. He loved the tsundere way Minho acted all the time, yet the first one to notice small details about them. He loved it when Changbin would act silly tone second & the next second he’d be the mature adult who would stand at the front like a protective shield. He loved how playful yet thoughtful & full of love Jisung was. He loved when Seungmin would act nonchalant yet would be with them on every step, whether it was right or wrong- he never backed away. And, he loved Jeongin for being the child he was, for allowing Felix to care for him like no one else did for Felix when he was younger.

And, Felix loved Hyunjin for finding him. For dragging him in front of the mirror outside the old salon at the townhall, & telling him that he was the prettiest boy Hyunjin had ever seen. For counting the stars on his face, then naming them after the constellations. For not letting him sleep alone again with the fear & hunger consuming his body. For the silly dreams they shared under the breezy nights, wrapped under the glossy bed sheet they stole from some garden in the rich neighborhood.

He loved Hyunjin for bringing the other six into his life. He loved Hyunjin for putting the pieces of his world together. He loved Hyunjin for telling him that it was okay to love others. For filling the empty spaces inside his heart that he never knew existed. He loved Hyunjin for the stolen glances in the crowd of eight. For all the smiles that held nothing but fondness & adoration. For the moments of peaceful silence that they shared. For all the unspoken words that they never told each other, but their heart knew.

Sometimes, his love for Hyunjin made him scared. Because it only grew with each breath they shared. It was uncontrollable. It burned in his veins & marked his heart in a way that it was impossible to erase.

It scared him. It kept him awake on many nights as his mind weighed the options; heart heavy with the possibility of Hyunjin not loving him back with the same intensity. Hyunjin was full of love. He had so much love to give & share that he might not thought of Felix in a different light. Maybe Hyunjin’s love wasn’t even tilted to the axis Felix was standing on. 

Changbin would always tell him otherwise and reassure him that Hyunjin loved him back with the same intensity. Felix wanted to believe it. Maybe a part of him had always believed it, and this was why it was hard to lose Hyunjin. Even harder to accept him back.

Felix wasn’t a stranger to the butterflies flying inside his stomach. He wasn’t ignorant of the swelling inside his heart at the sight of the other seven. He wasn’t unaware of the love he had for them. He had been nurturing these feelings for years inside his heart with every ounce of love & adoration he had inside him. There were times he wanted to tell them how much he loved them. Sometimes, he’d be content with how things were going without any label. He didn’t wanna ruin things for them.

But with Hyunjin, things had changed drastically recently. He had an extreme urge to tell the boy how much he loved him. He wanted to show his love and leave his heart bare in front of the boy to see the feelings he wasn’t able to put into words. He already had missed a chance. He didn’t wanna take a risk again. Not with Hyunjin. 

He wanted to scream it to the world. He wanted every single person alive to know how much he loved Hyunjin. He wanted Hyunjin to look at him & stop thinking about unnecessary things. So, that Hyunjin would never even think of leaving him again. No matter what the situation was. No matter what danger hovered over them again in the future.

Hyunjin had finally fallen asleep. His labored breath now evened out. Felix carefully reached out & wiped the tear stains away with delicate fingers- afraid to wake the boy up mistakenly. He frowned in confusion slightly when his fingers glided over the mole under the sleeping male’s eye. It wiped over the mole again gently- but felt nothing under his fingertips. He slightly moved closer & took a better look. 

The mole under Hyunjin’s eyes got smaller. It wasn’t too noticeable, maybe that was why he or the others didn’t notice it. He wondered if it was gonna fade like the ones Seungmin had on his back. His lips jutted out in a small pout at the possibility. He loved the mole under the older boy’s eyes. It was pretty & unique. It was like a star. The only thing he had in common with Hyunjin.

Hyunjin was taller & prettier. Stronger & athletic. He had a good sense of colors & clothes. He was good at drawing. He could make the porridge that could rival Minho’s porridge. He was kind & generous, while Felix could be pretty selfish at times. He was brave to stand up against the wrong, unlike Felix who’d always cower & hide behind the others.

If Felix loved things hot, Hyunjin liked things cold. If he liked the sweet taste of the cakes, Hyunjin liked the bland taste of the bread. Then again, Felix hated the sugary flavor of the cotton candy, but Hyunjin loved that fluffy sugar ball. He liked the cold breeze & snowfalls of the winter, but Hyunjin liked the summer better because Felix would be less sick in summer. Felix liked cats, but Hyunjin liked dogs more. It was funny how Hyunjin was obsessed with Felix's long & naturally blonde hair while he liked his hair short. It was even funnier that Felix liked Hyunjin's dark shoulder-length locks, & Hyunjin would often let his hair grow just to make him happy.

Simply, they had nothing in common. But sometimes Hyunjin would say how a star from Felix’s face had gotten lost & ended up on his face. It made Felix’s heart flutter enough to hold onto it, & slowly fall for the made-up connection he had with the boy.

And, now the mole shrinking & fading away was just making him sad. It almost felt like he was losing the connection that had brought Hyunjin to him. A connection that helped Hyunjin to find him.

Moreover, Hyunjin had lost the ring they bought from the fair. He hadn’t seen the ring on the boy’s left hand in all these months. His right arm was definitely out of the question here. So, it only made sense that the boy lost his ring.

But, Felix was wrong.

As the clouds swam apart & let the moonlight wash over them through the open window of Hyunjin’s room, a small glint of silver caught Felix’s tired eyes. As he took a closer look, he realized that it was a chain on Hyunjin’s neck, hidden behind his shirt. Curious, he nudged the collars apart slightly & curled a finger around the silver chain. With a glance at Hyunjin’s sleeping face, he slowly & carefully pulled it out, blinking confusedly at the slightly heavy feeling on his finger. A part of the chain was heavier & down the gap between Hyunjin’s collarbones & shirt- like how it would be with a pendant.

With the knowledge of Hyunjin not being fond of wearing anything on his neck, he got more curious & with a gentle tug he pulled out the pendant in question.

Felix’s breath hitched. Eyes wide & unblinking as he stared at the familiar black ring dangling from the chain. With trembling hands, he reached out & took the ring between his fingers.

“Fe..lix?”

Eyes burning with the sudden rush of tears & breathing heavy with the emotions weighing over his heart, he looked up to find a sleepy Hyunjin looking back at him with a small worried frown. Felix opened his mouth, wanting to say something. But nothing came out. His mind was a mess to come up with something that would make sense.

Hyunjin’s frown deepened more, sleepy eyes now full of worry as he tried to get up sensing the younger boy’s distress. But Felix stopped him. He wasn’t sure what was going on, or why Felix was suddenly over him- in his arms, trembling & crying like this. But he knew not to push the boy away.

After a second of hesitance, Hyunjin wrapped his hands around the boy- one delicately looped around the younger’s waist, careful not to put pressure with his metal arm, & another on the back of the head, gently playing with the soft blonde hair.

“It’s okay… I’m here now…” Hyunjin said, without even knowing what was wrong, wanting to comfort the younger in his arms. But Felix only cried harder, arms tightening around the older boy more.

Even though it was him finding the ring tonight… it oddly & pleasantly felt otherwise.

Almost as if… Hyunjin had found him again.

Chapter Text

Taeyong had been busy ever since he stepped into the city. Loads of paperwork and the responsibility of finding replacements for the staff in the new facility were on his shoulders. On top of that, he had other things to worry about as well.

He received a call two days ago, while he was still in the capital. From what he heard & how things were going, he could tell that they didn’t have much time. A new batch of subjects was gonna get introduced to the facility. The acting commander of the North camp paid a visit to the capital jail- which was also the reason why the government was looking for replacement staff. Doyoung was worried about losing a few of their people in the mess.

They couldn’t afford that, at least not after getting so close to their target. But what could he do? With their trump card gone, their plan was nothing but a meaningless suicide mission. Leaning back on the chair, Taeyong closed his eyes in frustration. Feeling lost & helpless at the lack of a solution. How was he gonna proceed without-

There was a knock on his door, abruptly cutting off his train of thought. With a small sigh, he straightened up on the chair & asked to come inside. One of the guards outside walked in soon & handed him a folded paper.

“An old patient of yours came to visit you.”

True to the guard's claim, the folded paper turned out to be a prescription with his sign on it. One that was for the patients who were treated under his supervision. He asked the guard to allow the patient inside.

Not even a minute later, a petite girl walked inside the room, the upper half of her body wrapped by a heavy shawl. The girl looked visibly scared, wide eyes eyeing the guard wearily. Sensing the patient might not had any pleasant memories with the army in the city he asked the guard to wait outside & invited her to an empty chair near the bed.

“Hello, Ms.-” he took a swift glance at the name on the prescription. “Yunji… How are you doing?” he asked with a small smile, eyes wandering around the small face, noting the large red eyes & dark circles around them. There were small scratches & cuts around her face as well. 

The girl remained quiet. Her scared eyes darted around the room, & when she deemed that they were alone she slowly pulled out her hands from the shawl. Taeyong frowned slightly at the littered fresh scratch marks on the girl’s trembling hand. He reached out to take a better look when she suddenly opened his mouth wide & thrust her fingers inside. Startled, Taeyong watched the girl pulling out something from inside her mouth. It was small, & wrapped with a piece of black poly.

“He asked for your next instruction,” the girl whispered in a low, scared voice as he peeled the saliva-clammed poly off hurriedly, & held up a small folded paper in her palm.

Taeyong straightened up almost immediately. She wasn’t a patient, but one of their people. She was most probably new to the troop which was why he couldn’t recognise her. With a small nod at the girl, he hurriedly picked it up & unfolded the message.

“He’s in the village. Yj & Km saw him in the town hall a while ago with a man we identified as Kim Seumingmin from the photo you sent. They live together with six other people, near the old target zone. From what we know, he still hasn’t recovered his memories.

The brothers are also back in the village. His presence around them can be risky for us. We should take a decision as soon as possible.”

Taeyong frowned, his grip on the letter tight as he processed the information. If he was alive, then why did Jungwoo report him dead? Did he make a mistake with the patient ID?

He turned toward the girl & found her looking around with worried eyes.“Do you think you can deliver a message? I can’t risk you getting caught.” the fact that the girl dared to carry a note inside the camp was risky enough. 

The girl instantly nodded in affirmation, & Taeyong smiled encouragingly. He recited the address to a location & the girl parroted the words one by one until she was confident that she could memorize it. Taeyong wrote her another prescription for recurring stomach aches & gave her some basic free medicine as a cover-up.

The girl left soon after that & the guard came back to tell him that there wasn't any other patient for the time being.

“Would you like me to prepare your bed here for the night, sir? The other tent is quite crowded with the guests from the north.” The guard asked, to which Taeyong shook his head.

“I’ll be heading out for home later. I've already informed the senior commander about it, so if anyone comes looking for me after 9 tonight…” he looked up at the guard with a small faux smile, “-please tell them that I'd be available after lunch tomorrow.”

Chan wasn’t quite happy about revisiting the medical camp. He had left the job for a reason after all. But last evening, Minhyung came looking for him at his home & gave him the official letter from the camp. They called him for some investigation. At first, he was scared and his heart suddenly heavy with the possibility of being found out. But then Minhyung mentioned that the administration asked for everyone who had worked there in the past one year. 

Which also meant, Jungwoo would be there as well.

Meeting Jungwoo at the camp again after months, he realized he wasn’t the only one scared & unwilling to be there. They acted like strangers, sitting on the opposite side of the tent with different people. Jungwoo tried to act nonchalant & oblivious, but Chan could see through his facade. He could recognize the underlying panic every time a soldier would walk in with the list of nurses, calling names one by one & taking them somewhere else.

When Chan’s name was called, Jungwoo looked up at him with a small frown & visible worry in his eyes. Chan pressed his lips in a thin line, forcing it into a small smile when Jungwoo gave a small tentative nod at him, & navigated through the crowd to the entrance.

Turned out he was worried for nothing. The commander & a few doctors, who he hadn’t seen before, sat him down & went through his experience. They were looking for nurses with good backgrounds & experience for some new facility in the North. They offered him a job there, with a salary bigger than his current job. But it also came with conditions. He had to sign a document, a non-discloser agreement, & had to move into the facility for the next two years permanently. Chan politely denied, to which the commander seemed a little annoyed & was trying to force him into it. But a doctor, who he assumed came from the new facility, managed the situation & let him go.

“I’m guessing you didn’t take the offer.”

Chan looked up from his lunch, & found Jungwoo pulling a chair & sitting on the other side of the table. He looked a little more relaxed after his interview, maybe realizing that it had nothing to do with the fire. He looked down at his plate, “I’m guessing you did?”

Jungwoo let out a breathy chuckle & nodded. He tore a piece of bread and dipped it in the soup. “You knew I would. But do you know why?” he pushed it inside his mouth, eyes innocently scanning around acting as if he was just looking around while eating. The truth was that he was just keeping an eye to make sure no one heard their conversation. 

Chan nonchalantly ate, without even looking up. “I have an idea.”

Jungwoo stared at Chan, “But you’re not curious or interested in it.” he stated, the voice suddenly laced with something bitter. “Does your home mean nothing to you?” he asked, remembering how the man was willing to give up everything & anything just to save his family. That patient with a metal arm was more valuable to him than anything else. He couldn’t help but feel that the older man was selfish.

Chan finally looked up, calm & collected but his eyes were cold. “My home is my family, Kim. Whether they’re inside or  outside the border, my priority would always be them.” Then suddenly he smiled, “What about you though?”

Jungwoo pressed his lips in a thin line, not quite happy with Chan’s answer. “What about me?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Is it really worth putting everything at risk when the chance of getting what you- & your people want is little to none?”

Jungwoo nodded slowly, looking down at the soup. “Maybe it is, maybe not.” He huffed out & tore another piece of bread. “But we saw everything from a little too close for not to care.” There were times when he wanted to give up in sheer fear of what he had seen the enemy doing to his brothers & friends. There were moments when he wanted nothing but to run away to somewhere where the red of the blood & screams of agony wouldn’t haunt him.

But then he’d wake up with cold sweat at night, & it’d dawn upon him for the nth time. If he left like that who would help those people? Sure, he alone couldn’t do anything. But he wasn’t alone. There were many like him, still fighting & holding on to the hope of finding a crack in the wall. He couldn’t help but wish Chan would do the same.

Chan nodded, chewing on the last piece of bread. “It’s not like I like how things are going, nor I’m unaware of the things going around me. Townhall has many different people with various motives under their polite smiles & kind front.” A small sigh escaped past his lips, “But I don’t wanna risk what I have. I can risk my life, but not my family.”

Silence followed soon after; Chan made clear his stand & Jungwoo had nothing else to say against that. They finished the rest of their meal in silence. They didn’t have much to talk about in the first place.

Before Jungwoo slipped out of his seat, he looked around them & slid a small note to Chan sneakily, making the other look up at him in visible confusion.

“He’s has been looking for… him .” He cleared his throat, ignoring the way Chan stilled for a moment. “I told him he’s dead.” He stole a swift glance at Chan, “He was the one who treated your…He isn’t a threat ... But I-” he looked up, “I thought you should know…” With that, he picked up his empty utensils & walked away.

Chan gently picked up the paper. “Dr. Lee Taeyong” & a phone number under the name was written with a blue ballpen. He silently folded the paper & slipped it inside his pants pocket before getting up & leaving as well.

-both he & Jungwoo were unaware of the fact that someone had been sitting right behind Jungwoo & listening to their conversation the whole time.

“So, what’s the plan?” Yushi pulled out a cigarette & put it between his lips, “We can’t wait much longer. If they find him before us, it’d be a disaster.”

Taeyong stared at the sky, watching the sun peeking over the horizon. His lips pressed in a thin line & forehead creased momentarily as he weighed the options. “Are you sure he doesn’t remember anything? From how long he had been staying with that family, he should've regained some of his memories. It was planned that way.”

Yushi breathed out a puff of smoke & nodded, “That was what we planned. But from what I’ve observed until now- he doesn’t look like he remembers anything.” He let out a frustrated sigh.

Taeyong leaned back on the wall & crossed his hands over his chest. “Looks can be deceiving. Especially with him. You should know better.” he stole a glance at the other man, “What about the brothers? Any news of them?”

Yushi took another drag, taking a few seconds to answer. “Youngest one came back a while ago… The meeting was quite an unpleasant one,” he huffed out remembering the fight outside Hyunjin’s house. “I thought he’s gonna remember a few.”

“What about the other?” Taeyong asked.

“San is still missing. But we’re keeping an eye on the youngest for the time being. But he has a telephone in their place.” 

Taeyong frowned at the possibility of the brothers communicating through telephones. “There isn’t much we can do about that then.”

Yushi crushed the bud of the cigarette under his boots. “Which is why we need to be careful.” He turned to look at Taeyong, “You need to make a decision, Taeyong. The new batch is gonna start soon. It’s better to put an end to it before that.”

Taeyong knew that. He knew he shouldn’t hesitate to take the action. But he couldn’t help it. “What about the boy?” he looked at Yushi, “Jaehyun entrusted his safety with us.”

Yushi looked away, eyes on the glowing morning sun. “Sometimes we need to break the promises we made,” he looked back at Taeyong, a look of sympathy etched on his face. “This is the life that we chose. For the greater good, we have to sacrifice Hyunjin. ”

Chapter Text

“Price?” He looked back, “What price?” He asked, confused & slightly agitated. “We’re both even once I’m done with your job!”

A lazy grin curled up on the man’s chapped lips, eyes glistening with something mysterious. “Of course! We’ll be even!” The chair creaked under his weight as he leaned back, “But, once you're in this job y’know… There’s no out for ya. It’d be an option for you in the future, a hope whether you like it or not. And, that’s the price you’ll have to pay until you die. Your dull life would be colourful then kid..” his tone lowered down to a whisper, eyes blank as he stared at the young boy. “But you’ll slowly become empty.”

It was a lazy day for Changbin. He only had two customers since that morning, & it was four of the afternoon. In an hour, Seungmin should come along with Hyunjin. Seungmin had practically dragged Hyunjin to his work since their home was empty today. Everyone except for Hyunjin had work. And, Hyunjin had been having trouble sleeping recently. He'd get pretty bad headaches sometimes as well. Felix mentioned Hyunjin talking in his sleep sometimes. Like he was having nightmares- he'd cry out & talk gibberish in sleep. But after waking up, he couldn't remember a single thing; which was pretty concerning. There was no way they'd leave Hyunjin alone & unsupervised while the memory clock was ticking above their heads.

Deciding to distract himself, he busied himself fixing the old wall clock that had been lying under dust in some corner of a cabinet for months now. It worked, once he was inside the machine, he forgot about the time. Even his surroundings. That he didn’t even notice the new presence inside the shop, awkwardly trying to get his attention for the past ten seconds.

He only noticed when the bolt slipped from his fingers & rolled down the floor to a pair of legs. Startled, he looked up & found a familiar face looking back at him.

“Wooyoung…” Changbin was surprised. This was the first time his friend came looking for him after the incident with Hyunjin in their front yard.

The man in question looked quite restless at the door. Hands inside his pants pockets, lips pressed in the small forced smile, & posture awkward. 

“Can we… talk?” Wooyoung asked.

Changbin sighed, "Of course, but if it's about Hyunjin-"

"I'm sorry, but IT IS about him," Wooyoung interjected, annoyed. "Listen- you want him safe right?"

Changbin straightened up, suddenly worried. "Of course."

"Good," Wooyoung gave a small nod, before looking away. He looked like he didn't want to be there. But for some reason, he was forcing himself.

Changbin was getting more worried. "What's wrong?"

"Everything!" Wooyoung looked back at his friend, veins in his head was propping up as he tried not to do or say anything he would regret later. "Listen, I shouldn't be here. Telling you how to keep Hyunjin safe." he walked inside, steps heavy. "Especially after what he did."

Changbin waited because he could sense that there was something else, something important that brought Wooyoung to him.

Wooyoung closed his eyes & let out a heavy sigh. Once he felt that he was calmer, & a better mind to talk- he looked straight at Changbin.

"Yushi is in the town. People saw him following you guys last evening."

Changbin stilled, eyes widened in known fear. Wooyoung noticed almost immediately.

"He's most probably keeping tabs on Hyunjin. Maybe trying to find a time when he's left alone & then he-" Wooyoung stopped watching Changbin getting paler by every second. "He's not good news, Changbin."

Changbin knew that.

But, unfortunately he didn't know how to stop the history from repeating itself.

“Hello ma’am,” Seungmin smiled politely as soon as Mrs. Jung opened the door for him. “Do you have a letter today?” he had been visiting the old lady whenever he was in the area. If she had any letter to post, Seungmin would do that for her. It had become a routine for them for the last couple of months. And, for the first time, the lady gave him a different answer.

“Not today, child.” The lady replied while pushing the door open, silently inviting him- them in. He watched as the lady opened her arms for Hyunjin, who shyly walked into the embrace. She had taken a liking to Hyunjin ever since they first met. “But I was hoping you would come.” With a gentle pat on Hyunjin’s head, she looked back at Seungmin. “And, it’s better you brought him too.”

Seungmin & Hyunjin shared a look, confused.

“I hope you were not overworking yourself in the kitchen & prepared dinner for the whole city again.” Hyunjin joked because Mrs. Jung had done that a few times already. Seungmin shook his head when the lady only laughed but did not refute. “You should be careful, ma’am. Stressing yourself is not a good option for you.” not when she still was having a problem adjusting to her prosthetic leg.

Mrs. Jung dismissed the worry with a laugh & a wave of her hand “.Don’t worry about me. I’m perfectly fine.”

And, Seungmin really did notice it. Mrs. Jung looked happier for some reason. He wondered why.

They followed the lady to the dining. There was a delicious smell packing up the whole place. The sound of sizzling meat & someone working in the kitchen with expertise was unmistakable. Mrs. Jung had a visitor, Seungmin realized. Someone who was close & trusted enough for Mrs. Jung to allow them into her kitchen.

Right. Mrs. Jung didn’t have any letters to send today. Because, her doctor & her son’s fiance, was here.

Right then, a man around his height- clad in a white flowy shirt that looked quite expensive to wear while working in a kitchen- came out while holding a steaming pot, wearing Mrs. Jung’s pink old mittens in his hands.

Hyunjin looked quite unprepared at the new presence, while Seungmin held his breath. Of course! This was why Mrs. Jung was hoping he’d drop by & was happy that brought Hyunjin along with him. She wanted Hyunjin to get a checkup of his hand from her doctor. Seungmin wanted it too. He had questions for the doctor & he hoped he would get their answers.

“Oh! We have guests!” The man looked up with a polite smile.

“These are the boys I’ve been telling you about!” Mrs. Jung happily informed, making the doctor’s lips part in recollection of their conversations. “This is Seungmin, my favourite mailman,” she gently patted Seungmin’s back. Pulling the mitten out of his right hand, the doctor reached out immediately. Sengmin shook the hand with a small bow, & Mrs. Jung then moved closer to Hyunjin. “And, this is Hyunjin.”

Seungmin might be wrong. He was no expert on facial expressions. But he was quite an observer. Right at the sight of Hyunjin, the man’s eyes changed. Again he might be wrong because the man was wearing glasses. But it almost felt like the doctor knew Hyunjin. But he couldn’t describe it well.

He watched as the doctor walked to Hyunjin & held out his hand. Hesitant, Hyunjin looked at the hand for a few seconds before slowly reaching out & shaking it. “Hello. Sorry for intruding.” Hyunjin said shyly.

“Oh please! I would love to have you two for dinner.” The doctor looked over his shoulder with an inviting smile, “I’ve heard a lot about you guys from Aunty.”

“All good things I hope,” Seungmin smiled back.

“Yes. I was actually fearing she was gonna forget me now that she has new friends.” The doctor joked, making Mrs. Jung playfully hit him on the back, “But yes, I was really hoping to meet you guys.” he turned back to Hyunjin. “Especially you, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened in surprise, “Me?’

“Yep. From now on, you are a friend & my newest patient Mr. Hwang. This is Dr. Lee Taeyong at your service!”

Seungmin felt a small hand holding his. He looked at the side & found Mrs. Jung looking up at him with an assuring smile. “He’s in good hands. Taeyongie is the best in his field.” She assured.

Seungmin trusted her. He had seen the recovery process of Mrs. Jung. He had heard stories about Dr. Lee & his works many times. Most importantly, Dr. Lee was trustable…

Wasn’t he?

Seungmin shook his head to get rid of the tiny voice that was nagging him for some reason. He looked back at the lady with a grateful smile. “Thank you.” As long as Hyunjin was fine, Seungmin didn’t care much about the useless voice inside his head. 

Chapter Text

The carriage halted & soon a guard came to the back to check the IDs’ of the passengers. Jungwoo handed over his along with the other five passengers. Once he deemed them safe, they were allowed inside the capital prison.

Jungwoo tried not to overdo it, but he couldn’t help but look around as soon as they were inside. From the outside, it looked like a normal prison. Guards & police were scattered around the place, talking & laughing. Some even dared to play chess at the side, unaware of the newcomers. The carriage stopped at the entrance of the main building. A hefty voice yelled out loud for them to get down.

He looked around, feigning innocent curiosity; unlike his companions who were actually curious about the place. It looked nothing like the torture cell they had heard about. They kept whispering among themselves, and Jungwoo joined in as well.

A man near his early thirties approached them. He didn’t look amused or anything that Jungwoo could describe positively. He looked pissed for some reason, often scolding the poor constable following him in hurried steps.

“Check their IDs,” he grumpily instructed the guard who immediately started collecting them. The guard pulled out a list & started marking their names there. When it was Jungwoo’s turn, he swiftly glanced at the list. There were in total twenty-seven of them. Once done, they were led to a hall behind the main building. 

Upon entering, someone announced that the last group had arrived. People, who he assumed were nurses like him, stood in three columns in the middle of the hall. Jungwoo was a bit startled when two constables came out of nowhere & started checking their luggage in front of the others. They confiscated a few things like emergency medical supplies, diaries & anything that seemed a little suspicious to them. Promising to return those later, they were asked to stand in the line.

There was an orientation speech by the head doctor & the acting police superior. It was a basic welcoming speech that sounded dull & repetitive. They were told what they could do & what they couldn’t, where they were allowed & where they weren’t. Jungwoo mentally took notes of every small detail, hoping to use them in his aid later.

He needed to find a way to communicate with the outside world. Find the smallest cracks in the prison walls & be the listener for the silent voices trapped inside this place. But before that, he needed to settle down here & hopefully, he’d get a roommate who wouldn’t cause too much trouble for him.

& Most importantly, he needed to find a prison rat.

Hyunjin could easily feel the sudden shift around him. He noticed it first when he met Dr. Lee. There was something strange with the man. Something familiar bloomed inside his chest whenever the man would look at him. But he couldn’t pinpoint it.

Dr. Lee’s eyes felt like knives on his skin. Cutting layer by layer, diving deep inside of him. He should’ve been scared & uncomfortable around the man. But weirdly enough, he wasn’t. If anything, there was a sense of relief inside him whenever Seungmin & Mrs. Jung left him alone with the doctor. It was easy to be himself. To bare his fears open in front of the man. It was terrifying how much he trusted a man who he knew only for two weeks.

“I pretend not to notice,” Hyunjin stared down at his hands, “But it's hard. Sometimes I’m scared they’ll see through me.” a frown sketched on his forehead. “But I don’t even know what I’m hiding. There’s always this feeling of paranoia whenever I notice them looking at me, observing my actions.” Shaking his head, he looked up at the man in front of him. “I don’t know why I feel like that. I only know what they told me. They know me better than myself!”

Taeyong was leaning against the wall while listening to Hyunjin. He had been observing the shift of emotions on the boy’s face & voice. And, he wasn’t surprised to know Hyunjin was going through this phase. It was bound to happen. There was only a portion that people usually forget. There was always something that you wouldn’t be able to let go of even though you remember nothing of your past.

“Have you ever wondered why you are like this?” Taeyong asked.

Hyunjin frowned, confused at the question. “What do you mean?”

Taeyong straightened up & pulled a chair in front of Hyunjin to sit. “Why do you keep noticing the people around you? Have you always been this observant? Or, it’s just something new?” he watched the gears in Hyunjin’s head slowly move. “Did anyone comment on it after you came back?”

Hyunjin shifted in his chair uncomfortably, “They never said anything.” he answered with a small shake of his head. “They usually let me be & do what I want. But then-” They would watch him from the sidelines. “Most of the time they are surprised. Often asking me if I remembered something.”

“Did you?”

Hyunjin shook his head again. “Not a single bit.” he pointed at the diary with his chin, “All I remember is my dreams & nightmares. Some of them felt way too real not to be my memories.”

Taeyong watched the young man in silence. It was easy to read Hyunjin when he was not himself. “But you are not sure, are you?” Taeyong tilted his head questioningly.

Hyunjin didn’t answer. 

Taeyong leaned back on the chair, crossing his legs in a habit. “I have a theory on you.” He laughed when Hyunjin looked at him strangely, “Don’t worry. I won’t force it in your head. At least not today.”

Hyunjin didn’t look quite happy with the statement. He hated being perceived by other people. “Then why are you telling me it now?”

“It’s pretty simple actually,” Taeyong grinned, “I want you to find out whatever it is yourself.”

There were a few seconds of silence before Hyunjin snickered. “And, how do I do that? I’ve been here for months now. And, I would’ve found already whatever you’re asking me to find in all these months! There’s nothing for me to find here, hyung.”

“Confront them.”

“Confront who?”

Taeyong glanced at the diary on the tea table beside them. He gently picked it up & held it to Hyunjin. “Verify them. And, maybe you’ll get your answer.” Hyunjin was smart enough to pick up the pieces. Maybe it wouldn’t even take him a day before knocking on Taeyong’s door, asking to unlock the last gate holding him back.

The room was pitch black. He blew off the candles as soon as he was done reading the diary again. He sat there in silence, staring at the empty wall. But his mind was racing. From the very first memory of him waking up in the medical camp to the present, all were playing in his mind.

He knew he wasn’t overthinking. He was simply a little too observant. And, Dr. Lee was a surgeon. What did he know about psychology?! He was supposed to be treating his hand, which he actually was doing besides all the psychology shits they talk about all the time. He couldn’t just deny that his hand was feeling better ever since he started taking up the medicines & doing the exercise Dr. Lee suggested to him.

But messing with his mind, making theories & asking him to verify his own dreams went a little too far. Maybe the man didn’t mean anything negative, maybe he was just trying to help him as his doctor. But he couldn’t help but feel the gnawing feeling inside him.

Seungmin or Chan- who had met the doctor on their second meet, couldn’t see anything other than a generous soul wanting to help him. Taeyong wanted something from him. Only Hyunjin could see it apparently. And, same was for the doctor as well. He could see through Hyunjin’s fear & the inked dreams. He wanted Hyunjin to find out himself.

Why? What did he know? And, how was it possible just by hearing his frustrations & reading about his dreams?

Was Hyunjin that easy to read? Then why couldn’t the other do it? Why did they keep staring at him like he was a mystery they couldn’t solve? Even at the dinner, Changbin & Chan kept stealing glances at him when they thought he wasn’t noticing. Last week Minho came barging inside his room, looking all panicked & scared before hugging him tightly- almost as if he was scared Hyunjin was gonna evaporate in thin air. At first, he thought the older had a nightmare, but then he saw Chan & Changbin outside his door- looking at them with a strained look on their faces. They were worried. Scared would be another word to describe them.

They rarely let him stay alone. Not that he didn’t like to be with them, but sometimes he wanted a little space. To stay or walk alone. To explore things on his own. But they wouldn’t let him wander alone. Especially after the Wooyoung incident. 

“Maybe they’re just scared that you’ll get attacked again.” He knew that already.

Chan & the others- they were very protective of him. They loved him. And, he loved them as well. But surprisingly he barely had any memories of them. Even the dreams- he only had one dream about his family. Others were mostly of the blurred-faced man, prison, blood & dead bodies. How was he gonna confront the truth that lay in those red dreams of his? How the hell would he verify them? Who would he ask?

He had an idea that his family didn’t want him to gain his memories back. Not that he wanted to. But Dr. Lee was right- this restless feeling wouldn’t stop until everything was unveiled before him. And, knowing his dreams there was a chance that huge change was looming over their head. Only time could tell if it would be a good change or a bad one.

Yushi kept his eyes and ears open as he trudged down the road leading to the capital border. There were a few other people as well, all merchants lining near the border knowing there would be troup change for the border duty that night. He disguised himself as a liquor seller, carrying sample bottles on his back in a wooden carrier. 

Soon the loud engines of the vehicles carrying the guard troops were heard from the borders. The military police started yelling & pushing the merchants out of the road. There were three vehicles carrying thirty-two guards in total. They were called to the base for identification & firearms distribution. Once the new troops started taking their places, the previous ones went to submit their firearms. After that, they would return to the capital.

Once the previous troops were dismissed, they started coming to the sellers waiting beside the hill. They started looking through the products & purchased if they got a good deal. Yushi had already sold a few when a guard from the border beckoned him closer. Taking a few samples in his hands he started limping toward the border. 

While some started checking & buying, a few started complaining that they shouldn’t be buying alcohol on duty. But they got sushed almost immediately with an excuse that nothing happened at the border anymore. So, a swig or two would be fine. Yushi nodded along, showing his crooked teeth.

“How much for the pair?” a man with dark under eyes & a cut on his lower lip held up two bottles.

“Four, but for you it’d be three and a half, sir” Yushi practisedly grinned at the man.

 The man didn’t look impressed, “two and a half. I’d take four.”

Yushi shook his head, “Three & we have a deal. It cost me a lot to make the samples.” he stated.

The guard stared at him for a few seconds before started digging in his pocket for the money. Yushi grinned as he took out four bottles & held them up for the man. The man dropped the money on the jar hanging from Yushi’s neck & grabbed the bottles.

“Next week, I need four of the rice grain ones.”

Yushi grinned, “I do have a mix of grains & strawberries. But those are quite expensive.”

“How much?”

“Three & a half for you.”

“Three”

“Only if you take half a dozen.”

“Deal”

By the sunrise, Yushi was close to the town. The merchants started scattering away, on the way to their home. Yushi bid goodbye & started walking along the town border. Once he was sure that no one was following him, he swiftly entered the jungle. He moved forward until he found his tent. With one last look around him, he dropped the carrier & started rummaging through the money jar.

Soon he found what he had been looking for.

A chit, folded in the shape of a coin. Carefully he unfolded it, pressing it between his palms to straighten the paper before reading it.

“Reached.

Mission Samuel Kim starts now

-KJW"

Chapter Text

“So, who am I going to look for?” Jungwoo asked while taking the empty chair near the table.

Pulling out an old file of his patients, Taeyong started going through the documents one by one.

“Kim Samuel or, Samuel Kim,” he placed a piece of paper in front of the nurse. “Special task force agent. He should be around his early 20s. Had been working for Jaehyun since 1909.” He nodded at the other to take a look at the document. “He was stationed in the north camp with Jaehyun before the blast happened at the northern camp. Unfortunately, he was found injured by the military, & immediately got arrested. Apparently, they already had a tip about his identity. So, instead of just throwing him in some refugee camp, they sent him to the capital prison.” 

Taeyong pulled out a small chit from his drawer & handed it to the nurse. “Recently, we got a tip from our informer inside,” He watched Jungwoo trying to decode the chit. “He might be transferred to the project very soon.”

Jungwoo stilled at that, eyes wide he looked up at the doctor. “Wait- you don’t mean they are going to-” he didn’t have to finish the sentence, Taeyong was already nodding grimly.

“To summarize the whole thing, he supposedly knows a lot given that he was with Jaehyun until the last moment. Enough to stop the project.”

Jungwoo was conflicted, “But what if he has already opened his mouth?” The torture in the capital jail was brutal. “Maybe they are trying to dispose of him because they already found out what they needed to know!” He suggested a possibility.

Taeyong shook his head. “He hasn’t yet,” he answered confidently. “The military has been interrogating him for months now, & my informant says he still hasn’t said a word regarding his mission. The officers in charge of him are frustrated with him at this point.”

“So, they basically think of him as a waste of time & want to get rid of him now?” Jungwoo asked, already feeling frustration building up inside him. Upon Taeyong’s confirmation, he nodded in understanding. “So, what exactly do you want me to do?” he asked curiously, “You know it’s nearly impossible to get him out of there in one piece & alive, right?”

Taeyong fixed his glasses with his pointer finger. “We need to know what he knows.” His face was grim. Eyes determined as he looked at Jungwoo, “You’ll be looking out for information like locations & numbers. Other than that, your job is simply keeping him alive until he’s sent to the project base. Our people inside will be helping you as much as they can.” he promised.

Jungwoo heaved out a sigh & nodded. This was hella risky. “Understood. But, I still have a question?”

“Hmm?” Taeyong asked, tilting his head curiously.

“Isn’t the project base situated at the North?” Jungwoo asked.

Taeyong nodded in affirmation, “Yeah, but we don’t know the exact location yet. Heard they’ve rebuilt the damaged camps & using them as military stations.”

“Listen… I’m just saying what if…” There was a pause before he started talking again. “What if they want to send him to the Northern camp just because they know he’s familiar with the area, given that he had been stationed there before he was captured? Maybe they are planning to keep him there & observe?” Jungwoo was worried about this possibility. Agent Kim might slip something through his actions & end up revealing everything!

“Oh they’re gonna do that for sure,” Taeyong nodded his head slowly, indicating that he already knew this might happen. “That’s why I said I need you to keep him alive until he’s sent to the project base.”

Jungwoo froze. The doctor couldn’t mean-  Realization dawned upon him almost immediately. “We’re gonna..” he paused, heart beating loudly in his chest, “You… want me to kill him.” he whispered lowly, “before he’s sent to the Northern camp.” He inhaled sharply at the knowledge of having to kill one of their own. Taeyong didn’t want to risk leaking any information.

“If needed,” Taeyong looked way too relaxed to plan the execution of one of their people, “then yes.”

Jungwoo felt a lump forming in his throat. This was the first time he saw this cold side of Taeyong. It was quite hard for him to digest the whole conversation now.

“Sometimes we need to make a sacrifice for the greater good, Jungwoo.” Taeyong’s voice softened, seemingly noticing Jungwoo’s state of mind. “We both made sacrifices to stand where we are, didn’t we? The only difference here is… ours weren’t planned or deliberate. But this one… it is.”

“But he-”

“How do you think he’s doing there?” Taeyong interjected. His face was devoid of any emotion. Eyes cold. “We both know what capital prison is. Do you think he’ll ever be able to go back to his previous life with all the trauma he received? Can any of us guarantee that you’re gonna find him in one piece? Hanging on with a tiny will to live?”

Jungwoo couldn’t answer. Because Taeyong was right there. He might find the damaged & dying body of a soldier, one who was willing to trade his little secrets in exchange for freedom; or the end of his sufferings. It’s nothing but a pure miracle that agent Kim hadn’t given up yet. Maybe he was indeed waiting for Jungwoo to put an end to his journey.

But no matter how many times Jungwoo tried to convince himself, he couldn’t shake off the little voice that kept repeating in his head & wouldn’t let him sleep.

“What if he wants to live?”

Jisung wasn’t the smartest one in their found family. Definitely wasn’t the wisest one. But he considered himself the first one to notice anything related to Hyunjin. It was like he had a Hyunjin radar in his head; Jeongin often made fun of him because of how sensitive he was when it came to a certain person. Minho would send him knowing glances. And, it terrified him sometimes. What if others also saw through him like Minho? The last thing he wanted was to cause trouble for his family because of his feelings.

But putting that aside, he was quite confident. Hyunjin & Felix might’ve found each other first. But he was the fastest one to catch Hyunjin when he was at his lowest. Maybe that was why he was feeling anxious watching Hyunjin spacing out for the third time in a single conversation. 

There was something amiss there. Ever since Hyunjin started the therapy, something changed. He was the one to open the gate that night when Seungmin & Hyunjin came back late, stating Seungmin had found Hyunjin a doctor who specialized in robotic body parts. He had seen the clouds in the depth of Hyunjin’s eyes. A flicker of something dark. At first, he let it pass thinking the boy was most probably confused & a little scared of starting the therapy. Chan had thought the same, & went to meet this doctor Lee for their peace of mind; wanting to be sure that Hyunjin was in the right hands.

Upon Chan’s green light, everyone immediately relaxed. So, did Hyunjin. At least that was what Jisung thought until he started noticing the small changes in his behavior. He looked cautious about his surroundings, more observant than he had been ever since he came back. He’d throw random topics & questions, & watch the scenery unfold while watching from the sidelines quietly. Almost as if he was looking for an answer. But wasn’t quite sure what he was looking for.

While he was looking at Hyunjin, he found three more people were also looking at the boy. But unlike him, they were sure of what they were looking for. Chan, Changbin & then came Minho. They looked like they were standing on the edge of a clip. Paranoid even whenever Hyunjin went outside. Something happened, or was about to happen- they knew. But wouldn’t tell anyone else.

Jisung wasn’t too happy with that. But now he knew to keep an eye on their surroundings. The radar inside his head was pinging at an alarming rate. Something was coming for them.

Or, maybe someone.

But things took a shocking turn when Jeongin & Felix got into an argument; the least argumentative people in their home. Jeongin was playful, but he had always been respectful toward the older seven. If there was something he didn’t like or support, he’d rather take his leave quietly or step aside & watch from the sidelines, trying to understand his hyungs’ point of view.

Felix was nearly the same, always focusing on the majority instead of his own choices. It wasn’t like he kept sacrificing his happiness for the family. He knew his family would sacrifice everything for his betterment. He had always been the weak one having close to zero immunity level. He wanted to live peacefully, always thinking he might not be able to tackle the next malady & leave the family first. So, it was rare for him to take things negatively.

So, what brought the argument between these two?

Minho was the one to find the two almost screaming their head off in the living room when he came back home. To say Minho was surprised would be an understatement. He was literally dumbfounded when he saw their youngest going off at Felix, who had blazed eyes drilling a hole at the younger’s face, hands fisted angrily as he was about to scream as well.

Dropping the groceries down at the doorstep, Minho rushed between the two- holding both his hands up at the youngers- keeping them apart. Those two weren’t in their fucking minds. He tried to calm the two, but they didn’t even budge. Almost as if they didn’t notice him standing between them.

In a minute, a tired-looking Jisung lazily walked inside the house unaware of the chaos & stopped at the scene in front of him. Eyes almost bulging out of his sockets, he rushed to help Minho. Grabbing Felix from the back, he easily peeled him away from Minho- who took the chance & carefully pushed himself & Jeongin back- increasing the distance.

“Shut the fuck up!” Minho finally lost his patience. That stopped the quarreling duo, but they were still throwing daggers at each other, breathing heavily. He pushed Jeongin to the nearest couch, making sure he is seated before he turned back to Felix. Jisung had managed to settle him down as well.

“Mind explaining the fuck happened here?!” Minho crossed his arms over his chest. Then he looked around, “Also, where the fuck is Hyunjin?” Hyunjin was supposed to be at home in the afternoon. He should’ve been the one to stop these two.

At the mention of Hyunjin Jeongin started spilling. “He’s not here. Went out earlier & when I asked hyung if he knew, he suddenly started how I keep following Hyunjin hyung, & don’t give him space.” His eyes turned glassy, clearly upset with the accusation. “I told him,” he gestured toward Felix, “that I was only worried about hyung going out alone since the Woo hyung incident. But Felix hyung got angry. He kept talking about how I didn’t understand a thing & acting like a child. I shouldn’t bother Hyunjin too much with my worries.” A tear escaped his eyes, making Felix look away in guilt. “Why? What’s wrong with me getting worried? Just because I’m younger than the rest, it doesn’t mean I can’t fucking see how distressed everyone has been recently.”

Angrily Jeongin looked up at Minho, pointing an accusing finger at him. “You have been paranoid for the last two weeks. You rarely let Hyunjin hyung go out alone. Even if he does, you soon follow him or send one of us making shit excuses.”

Minho pressed his lips. He was caught. Although it wasn’t like he tried to hide it.

“Chan hyung & Changbin hyung have been coming late, taking turns to look around the city before coming back home. They are looking for something or someone, & people have been talking about them in the city. I might be blind in some cases, but I can’t be deaf as well, can I?!” he angrily said, while Minho could only stare back at him guiltily.

“It’s okay for you guys to worry about him, but not okay for me?!”

Jisung stepped forward almost immediately, “Innie, I’m sure it’s not like that.” he tried. This had been stretching far too long for anyone not to notice. “As you’ve noticed we all somehow had seen the sudden changes around the house, maybe Felix just wanted to make sure Hyunjin didn’t feel uncomfortable. Right, Lix?” He looked at Felix over his shoulder, who hesitantly nodded, not wanting to argue anymore. “See?!” Jisung tried to grin at Jeongin, who was still crying & frowning at Felix.

Suddenly Felix stood up from the couch; body trembling, eyes red & glossy as he tried to avoid looking at the others. “I’m sorry.” His voice, burdened with guilt, quivered as he apologized. And, before anyone could say anything, he was running out of the door; away to hide for a while.

Jisung watched the door close behind Felix with a worried frown. But he knew better than to follow the other. Felix was emotional; most probably feeling upset with himself for saying all those things to Jeongin. He might want a little time to himself, to forgive himself for that.

On the other hand, Jeongin’s tears now knew no boundary as he watched Felix leave. Heartbroken, as well as guilty for talking with the elder in such a tone. Minho noticed. He took a step closer, & let the younger lean onto him.

“Innie, we all are on the edge. What Felix said-” he spared a glance at Jisung, who nodded at him to continue, “He shouldn’t have said it like that. He shouldn’t have lashed out at you. But you know Felix isn’t like that. He wouldn’t intentionally hurt you ever.” A small smile curled up on his lips when the younger immediately nodded agreeing with him. “We all are scared, Innie. We don’t know what is gonna happen. We can’t predict the future. But..” he exhaled, knowing he should at least warn them about the trouble ahead. “A storm is coming.”

He ignored the way Jeongin froze & Jisung’s eyes widened questioningly. He stared ahead at the wall where a photo of eight of them was hanging. They were happy there. “As far as I can tell, we don’t have the power to stop it. But we need to be prepared to pick up the pieces it’s gonna leave behind.”

He realized that they should let the present flow at its own pace. Today or tomorrow, Hyunjin was bound to face his past. He was bound to remember everything & fall into the sea of pain he had forgotten. They wouldn’t be able to protect him forever. They wouldn’t be able to live freely with the fear of losing Hyunjin to something every single day!

If meeting Yushi triggered Hyunjin’s memories, then maybe they should let it happen. They should let Hyunjin face the trouble of his past, & let him break. Minho would pick up all the pieces no matter how much it hurt him. That was far better than having Hyunjin question the reason behind his existence every night.

Minho would glue the pieces back & build a better future.

A future where Hyunjin could live freely. & Minho wouldn’t have to be scared of losing Hyunjin.

For that, he needed to talk with Chan & Changbin tonight.

Chapter Text

“Once you’re in… there’s no way out.”

Wrong.

There had always been a way out. He knew the moment he saw it. But, he didn’t feel the need for it back then. But now, he knew that he needed it more than anything else.

This was the life he once craved. So, it wasn’t easy to let go. No one in their sane mind would want to go back to the life they had before. He wasn’t any exception.

But it was getting harder day by day. He could feel the knowing eyes on him. He could easily catch the underlying meaning behind the sweet caring words. He could see the shadows that seemed to follow him almost everywhere.

He chose to ignore them for his own good.

“Doesn’t it get tiring?” Taeyong gently poured the tea into a cup, watching the hot vapor swirling upward with a small curl on his lips. “It can’t be that easy.” he took a swift glance at the boy sitting on the other side of the table, before gently placing back the kettle to its place. “You & me, we both know it. Don’t we?”

Hyunjin lazily blinked up at the doctor. His eyes were blank; devoid of any emotion as he watched Taeyong pushing a cup of tea at him while taking one for himself. “I’m not quite sure what you’re talking about.” He said with a confused tilt of his head.

Taeyong’s eyes landed on Hyunjin’s metal hand. “I was talking about your hand. Isn’t it tiring to act like everything is fine all the time?” He leaned back on the chair, legs crossed elegantly. “I sure feel tired of acting like I’m fine when I hold a grudge inside my heart that could burn the whole city.” the corner of his lips pulled in a wry grin. “We tend to hide a lot behind our smiles & innocence, Hyunjin-ah.”

Hyunjin pressed his lips in a thin line. “Is it because of your fiance?” It had to be. Jung Jaehyun- Mrs. Jung’s only son was killed in the war.

Taeyong smiled, “He was pretty basic & common for a man. Not a romantic bone in his body. Always working.” He took a sip of tea, nodding in approval at the taste. Perfect amount of milk & sugar- just how Jaehyun liked his tea. “But he was a good man. The most caring man I met in my whole life I believe.”

Hyunjin didn’t say anything. He didn’t know if he should. Besides, what should he say? That he was sorry? Would that change anything? Was it gonna make Taeyong feel better? Chance was close to zero he guessed.

“He was kind. Even to the enemy.” Taeyong took another sip, “So, you can imagine how he was with his close ones.” Hyunjin slowly nodded. “He even took a kid under his wings when the war was still going on. He cared for him like his younger brother. Protected him with everything he got.” A distant look clouded his eyes. “He even asked me to take care of the kid if something were to happen to him.” The room fell silent after that.

Hyunjin shifted in his chair. Contemplating how to break the ice. Then suddenly, Taeyong blinked back to the present. Eyes again turned dark & mysterious as he looked straight at Hyunjin. “But I lost the boy to a situationship as well.” he wasn’t happy with it.

“Are you looking for him now?” What Hyunjin wanted to ask was if the kid was still alive.

“Not really,” Taeyong chirped up, suddenly all light-hearted unlike the last few minutes. “I kinda know where he is. With his family. It’s a good thing he’s still alive, isn’t it?” He innocently smiled.

Hyunjin nodded slowly. Being alive was a blessing people often didn’t get. 

After that, Taeyong jumped on a different topic. Leaving Hyunjin to ponder alone about the missing boy & Taeyong’s intention with him.

The world seemed to be moving at its own pace. But Jisung was still stuck on the same point where he was weeks before. Except, Hyunjin wasn’t with him. He silently watched as Hyunjin matched his pace with the world, slowly moving forward until suddenly he started outrunning the world, creating own pace.

It wasn’t noticeable if anyone didn’t know what to look for. But it was blatantly obvious when you know. There had been a few changes in their house after the argument between Felix & Jeongin a week ago. Minho apparently had a talk with Chan & Changbin, which kinda managed to stop them from roaming around the city at night. They also seemed a little defeated & controlled themselves from following around Hyunjin all the time. But that didn’t mean they weren’t anxious. Almost as if they were sure Hyunjin would come back with bad news soon one day.

The tension between the quarreling duo still hadn’t dissolved. While Jeongin was trying to mend the bonds between him & Felix, the latter was still maintaining a distance. Felix was trying but his guilt & worries were bigger than what Jisung initially deemed. & Truth be told, Jisung was surprised Hyunjin hadn’t intervened yet in this matter.

Seungmin & he had given their clueless family member a rundown of what happened when he went out that evening. To say Hyunjin was shocked would be an understatement. He was shocked, & surprisingly upset for some reason. Which was new.

Usually, Hyunjin was the most understanding between the eight of them when it came to feelings. But he seemed quite troubled knowing the situation going around the house for a moment. And, instead of trying to solve the tension like he used to before- Hyunjin ended up ignoring the problem. Seungmin was the one who pointed it out.

“Hyunjin haven’t tried to talk with either of them. I wonder what happened.”

Seungmin blamed it on the situation. Maybe Hyunjin was burdened with the knowledge of everyone observing him all the time- knowingly & unknowingly. Maybe he felt uncomfortable, & upset that his family was arguing because of him. So, Seungmin suggested him not to see more into Hyunjin’s actions.

Whether Hyunjin threw random questions regarding their past, or the unfazed reactions he had when his dreams didn’t match the reality- Jisung tried to not to think much about them. Overthinking was gonna do no good to them.

A loud whistle startled Felix awake. Sleepy eyes now wide & confused, he pushed up from the ground & looked around to find what woke him up. It was only then he realized that it was almost evening. The sky looked like someone had lit a fire on one side, while someone poured a bucket of ink on the opposite side- mixing the blue of the sky with a darker grey.

No wonder he was left alone in the meadow. People have already started going back home. Then what the hell was that piercing sound? Slightly irritated & confused, he got up on his legs, dusting his pants with heavy hands. He needed to go back home.

At the thought of home, a heavy sigh escaped past his lips. He wasn’t sure of what to do. He wasn’t angry at Jeongin. The poor soul had nothing to do with any of his insecurities & fears. He wasn’t even upset with Minho & Jisung, for siding with their youngest on the matter. He knew he was wrong.

But he also knew that he was incredibly jealous. He was scared even. 

His feelings for Hyunjin was growing day by day, if not by minutes. It was getting so out of control that sometimes he didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. While Changbin knew about it, & supported him- he wasn’t sure about the others. He was scared what others would think & react to his secret. He was scared of Hyunjin’s answer if he were ever to confess.

And, he was jealous how others were better at controlling their emotions around Hyunjin. He wasn’t sure how or why, but he could tell Jisung was also in love with Hyunjin. So, was Minho. He could tell just by the way they looked at him. They looked at Hyunjin exactly how Felix looked at him. 

He wasn’t upset because of that though. He was upset that it was getting harder for him not to blatantly show his love & desires around Hyunjin. Thus, he started to distance himself from the boy. So, it wasn’t Jeongin’s fault when he wanted to checkup on Hyunjin for the third time in an hour. He was frustrated how easy it was to be around the said boy while he was hiding in a corner, watching alone.

Changbin had tried to talk with him, but he didn’t want to talk with anyone at the moment. He needed to pull himself together first, otherwise others wouldn’t be able to help him. Maybe he should just come clean to his family, about his feelings & fears. Changbin always said they would understand. A part of him knew this was true. But the fear of losing these people was bigger than that.

He lost Hyunjin once. He didn’t know if he could survive if something like that were to happen again.

Way to home was filled with unspoken worries & debates in his mind. His soul had divided into two, & debating what to do- what would be the best solution. So, while he walked in silence his mind was full of chaos.

But it all suddenly went silent when Felix saw Hyunjin walking out from their house; clad in the black jacket that Changbin bought him a few months ago.

Shoving hands in his pockets, Hyunjin looked around him. Kids left long ago. There were a few lanterns far at the road down to the main city. He vaguely remembered Chan telling him about a fest in the city hall. Having an idea that there could be a lot of people in the city, he started walking on the opposite direction. He didn’t want to be around people.

A lot of things had been going around recently. He barely had a minute to spare for himself. Well- he might be wrong. He actually had been thinking a lot about himself. It was just that he didn’t want to be troubled with those thoughts. They made him anxious. Scared of his future.

There were a lot of things that was going around him. A lot he had recently found out about himself. A lot was yet to be revealed. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to learn everything at this point. He didn’t want the guilt inside him to grow bigger than it already was. He wanted to live happily now that he had a chance. Whether it was given or stolen.

But life had never been easy on him. Then why would it be now?

“Seems like they’ve finally let you out alone, huh?”

Hyunjin froze for a second, before slowly turning to the source of the voice. There was a shadow hiding behind the trees, staring at him. He took a cautious step back as the shadow slowly walked out on the road; revealing his identity.

“Finally!” The man grinned as he eyed the other from head to toe, “You do look better than before.”

Hyunjin’s lips pressed in a thin line, as his jaws settled hard at the all too familiar face. “It’s been a while, Yushi.”

Yushi laughed aloud, looking pleasantly surprised. “Taeyong was right! You did get your memories back!” He stated with wonder. “I was starting to think you wouldn’t remember a thing!”

“Why are you here?” Hyunjin asked instead of entertaining the man with an answer. He was sure Yushi could tell that he wasn’t very happy to see him here.

“To fetch you,” Yushi answered without missing a bit. “Now that your memories are back, you know it’s time for you to go back.” when Hyunjin didn’t reply, a knowing grin started creeping up on Yushi’s lips. “You don’t wanna go back, do you?”

Of course Hyunjin didn’t. But he had a feeling that he wouldn’t be given a choice.

Felix’s hands were shaking as he slowly pushed the door open. Hyunjin was sitting on the on the side of his bed, near the desk. Upon his sudden arrival, Hyunjin looked up at him a little startled. The back of the shirt was riding up his shoulder. He was most probably changing when Felix walked in.

“Felix?” Hyunjin called out, confused; unaware of the fact that someone had found out his secret.

He stood up, while Felix just kept staring back at him; eyes glossy & lips trembling. Alarms started ringing in his head. “What’s wrong?!” he asked immediately as a worried frown settled on his forehead.

But Felix kept staring silently. His ears were ringing. Couldn’t hear a word Hyunjin was saying. Mind a chaos. He couldn’t think of anything else other Hyunjin. Hyunjin who remembered everything, but was hiding for some reason. Hyunjin was again being forced to leave. All of it was making it hard for Felix to breath.

Hyunjin on the otherhand getting more & more worried for the unresponsive boy. “Felix? Are you okay?” No answer. “Are you hur-”

Hyunjin was suddenly interrupted. Hands curled into fists, body stilled, heart beating fast. A shiver ran down his spine feeling a pair of small hands urgently guiding him down to a kiss.

Felix felt his whole body burning with an unknown urgency as he pressed his lips on Hyunjin’s with all his might. Tears started to escaped past his closed eyes as his hands cupped Hyunjin’s small face firmly, fearing the other would pull away if he let go of him.

He was trembling.

With the need to have Hyunjin closer.

With the need to have his feelings reciprocated.

With the fear of leaving behind in nothingness.

He couldn’t let go.

Not when Hyunjin had finally remembered everything.

Not when he realized that he might have to lose Hyunjin again.

He wasn’t ready confess.

He might never be.

But if his feelings had a chance of binding Hyunjin to him, to their home- then he’d take the risk.

Chapter Text

“Is it just me or, you see it too?”

Changbin followed Jisung’s gaze & found the reasons behind the boy’s confusion.

Hyunjin & Felix.

Hyunjin was laughing at something Chan said, while helping a nagging Minho in the kitchen. Felix, on the other hand, was preparing the table along with Jeongin & Seungmin. He was saying something to Jeongin, who in turn was nodding along excitedly while Seungmin looked skeptical. It was good to see their family together. He was glad Jeongin & Felix talked out about their problems & worries.

But to think about what Jisung just mentioned earlier- Yes, he could see what Jisung was talking about. Something was going on between Hyunjin & Felix. At first he didn’t notice it. He thought it was just the overall condition of their home after the argument between Fe lix & Jeongin. But then he realized that wasn’t it.

Felix was suddenly bolder & verbal than he usually was. Especially with Hyunjin. But Hyunjin seemed like he was intentionally being oblivious to the younger’s approaches. And, the worse thing was- Felix seemed to know this but weirdly he wasn’t backing down. As if he had set his mind on it.

Changbin wasn’t unaware of Felix’s feelings. He knew how deep those feelings ran inside the younger. He knew Felix wasn’t the only one with those feelings for a certain someone. There were others from their found family who were equally deep in the mud as Felix. But no one was brave enough to voice out their feelings; until now.

Watching Felix bravely trying to fight whatever that was holding Hyunjin back, Changbin couldn’t help but feel proud. But he was also scared thinking what if Hyunjin didn’t feel the same after all these years? What if Hyunjin got scared of the changes that were bound to happen sooner or later?

Hyunjin had never been a fan of changes. Changbin doubted he was now.

“You’re spacing out again.” Chan gently poked at the younger’s cheek, chuckling when Hyunjin blinked back at him with wide eyes.

“I was?” Hyunjin asked, confused. A small frown curled up on his forehead as he tried to straighten up on the sofa.

Chan nodded, “Yeah. Mind sharing what’s troubling you?” He asked, leaning back on the sofa & opening an arm in invitation to Hyunjin. It took a few seconds for the younger to realize what Chan was offering. He looked up at Chan cautiously, as if he wasn’t sure if it was okay. But upon seeing the warm smile of the older, he changed his mind.

Chan couldn’t help but smile big when he watched Hyunjin slowly crawling to his side- neck & ears suddenly red as the boy couldn’t look directly at him. That was a first! Hyunjin was shy over a cuddle! But he decided not to say anything about it. He didn’t want the boy to feel uncomfortable. Hyunjin was already stressed about something. No need to add more to his plate now.

Hyunjin carefully settled beside the older male; breathing out when the arm gently wrapped around him. Taking another few seconds to relax, he let himself lean against the older. “Thanks.” He whispered, still not looking at the older man.

Chan’s smile grew fond. “Anytime. Do you wanna tell me what’s bothering you?” he asked again. “If you don’t then we can just stay like this.” He added.

A small smile curled up on Hyunjin’s lips. He snuggled closer to the older more, letting himself melt against the man. Chan just let him.

They sat there in silence. Drowning in their thoughts, eyes on nothing particular. It was peaceful. To have someone around when your worries & fear were trying to pull you down. It felt comforting, making Hyunjin let his guards down even if it was only for a while. It felt home.

It only made things more difficult for him. Knowing he had people who cared about him. Knowing there was someone who was willing to risk it all just to be with him. Knowing that there was a love that was waiting for acknowledgement. 

He was genuinely scared of the future for the first time in life. He didn’t know what to do. His heart was torn between right & wrong; acceptance & rejection. He didn’t want to go back to the past. He wanted to live in the present, a chance that he was given. 

But it was also true that it’s impossible to erase who he was & what he had done. They would haunt him forever.

So, what should he do?

The loud rattle of the door caught Wooyoung off guard. Hastily grabbing the pistol from the drawer he made his way down carefully. Gun pointed at the front, he slowly walked to the entrance. Soon his eyes landed on the moving figure at the front.

A man around his mid-twenty was standing in the middle of the drawing room with his hands on his waist. He was wearing a discolored jacket, & a pair of loose denim that once belonged to his older brother- Hongjoong.

Upon noticing his arrival, the man turned toward him.

Wooyoung’s guard fell almost immediately, noticing it was just San, his second brother. He lowered the gun as he sighed in relief. “The hell were you doing with the door?” He ended up asking instead of offering casual greetings to his brother who he hadn’t seen in months when he noticed the broken door.

But instead of saying anything, San stared back at his younger brother with raging eyes. Then suddenly he was marching toward Wooyoung, & roughly pushing him against the wall by collar. Startled, the younger failed to fight back & yelped in pain.

“Why?!” San was seething. “Why the hell would you hide that Hyunjin was back?!”

Wooyoung steeled at the mention of Hyunjin. Everything started making sense now. He knew he should’ve told his brother about Hyunjin. But he couldn’t when Hyunjin was simply a blank slate.

“He doesn’t remember a single thing,” He tried to reason. “He has no memory of the past, hyung.” 

San’s face contorted dangerously. “Do you think I care?!” he bellowed. He was fuming already. The information only added more fuel to the fire. “He killed our brother! I saw it with my own eyes! & you!” his grip tightened on the younger’s collar, almost choking him.

San clenched his jaws tight & shoved Wooyoung aside. The latter started coughing as soon as he was released. He felt weak on his knees. “Hyung, just listen to me once~” he begged.

But San had already lost his senses when he found out about Hyunjin & the fact that his own brother hid it from him. “There’s nothing that I wanna hear from you! I could care less about others when I was the one who saw Hongjoong dying in front of me,” He was visibly holding himself back from slapping some sense into his brother’s head. “Not until I’m done with him!”

Jungwoo inhaled sharply at the sight in front of him. He couldn’t move, nor could he say anything as he watched doctor Kim skillfully patching up the patient. As Taeyong had said, Jungwoo had found their allies inside the prison hospital. Or, more like they found him. Everything was pre-settled beforehand there. Only person missing was him who was given the task to complete the mission.

After four weeks of mandatory training, he was finally allowed to work with the internal doctors. This morning he was appointed as a special care nurse under doctor Kim Doyoung. His roommate Dejun was also working under doctor Kim, & it was heard that he was the one who recommended Jungwoo to the doctor.

This was kinda intentional. He intentionally kept a good relationship with his roommate when he found out that Kim Samuel was Dr. Kim’s patient. When Dejun saw his skill during the training period, he instantly recommended him when the selection process started. 

Today was his first day with doctor Kim & nurse Dejun. But what he didn’t expect was having Kim Samuel’s in the infirmary early in the morning. Apparently, the higher-ups had another round with Samuel last night. He was tortured till the sunrise & left for Dr. Kim to do the necessary afterwards.

“Not a pretty sight to see first thing in the morning, is it?”

Jungwoo looked up at the doctor, who was now stitching a four inch long cut on Samuel’s back, while the man whimpered & cried in pain.

“No, I was just-” Jungwoo was cut off by another whimper from the man when the doctor pinched the needle inside. He clenched his teeth, feeling helpless at the situation.

Dejun turned to look at him. There was a look of frustration & anger on his face. Something that confirmed that he wasn’t okay with this either. Maybe months of handling situations like this had him strong enough to ignore the cries of help. “We’re not allowed to waste any expensive medicines or anesthesia on the prisoners.” he gritted out forcefully.

Jungwoo clenched his jaws in anger. He looked down at his hands before closing his eyes & taking a deep breath to calm himself.

Doyoung noticed. “Dejun, bring Mr. Kim’s files from the record room. Jungwoo would need a look at those if he were to take care of him in future.”

Dejun nodded & left the room with one sympathetic glance at Jungwoo.

“I won’t beat around the bushes.” Doyoung stated as soon as he was sure Dejun wasn’t near enough to listen to their conversation. “I’ve talked with Taeyong recently, so I already know who you are.” he spared a knowing glance at the nurse as he gently pulled off the bloody gloves from his hands.

Jungwoo on the other hand, was alerted immediately. It meant he wasn’t there because Dejun recommended him. Maybe the nurse did recommend him, but Dr. Kim already had a plan to take him under his wings.

“As you can see, Samuel Kim isn’t in a good condition. Physically he is a breathing punch bag, mentally I’m not quite sure.” the doctor started rinsing his hands. “He’s gonna end up like this at least once a week, so he’s gonna need special care. You & Dejun would be given a shared schedule. Utilize your time wisely to seek out info. Would you mind?” he pointed at the hand towel on the table behind Jungwoo.

Jungwoo immediately handed the doctor his towel, earning a small thank you from him.

“You can sit, y’know.” Doyoung gestured at the nearby seat, which Jungwoo eventually took after a hesitant glance at the unconscious body beside him.

Doyoung sat on his chair, leaning back as he started again. “As you’ve heard, we’re not allowed to give him any special treatment. But you will.”

Jungwoo frowned in confusion,”Pardon?”

Doyoung snickered, “Jungwoo, how do you think Samuel Kim is still alive after the brutal torture he goes through?”

Realization dawned upon Jungwoo, “You’ve been treating him!” He whispered in surprise. Of course! Doyoung was supposed to keep Samuel Kim alive. So, he must have been secretly treating Samuel behind everyone’s back.

“Does Dejun know?” He asked.

Doyoung pressed his lips in a thin line, “I prefer he doesn’t know. As much as I like him as my nurse, I don’t trust him enough to put everything at risk. I’d suggest you do that as well.”

Jungwoo nodded in response. He wanted to ask more about the situation there, but Dejun came back with the files at that moment.

“Sir, you were saying something about the mental condition of the patient?” Jungwoo changed his tone, as if they were discussing Samuel's health condition.

“Right. Dejun please give Jungwoo the recent record file.” Doyoung immediately complied. “Our patient has been hallucinating for the last couple of weeks. He’d say weird things in his sleep. Worse, even when he’s being questioned.”

Jungwoo frowned at the information. He steadily scanned the reports of the last few days where it was mentioned that Samuel Kim might have received a trauma in his head, without extensive treatment his situation might get worse.

“I’ve sent a letter to the health bureau regarding his condition. Until we get any response from them, I’d ask you two to take special care of our patient.” he glanced at both of the nurses. “If he comes broken, fix him. If he comes torn, stitch him. Higher ups want him alive for some reason. So, your job would be to keep him alive.”

Until we don’t need him anymore.

Chapter Text

Jungwoo’s hands were shaking. His breathing became unsteady as his mind started running at a high speed; trying to make sense of everything. It was hard, messy & confusing. Nothing aligned with the truth he knew. If one was true, then the other would be a lie; betrayal.

But then again, everything now did make sense. No wonder Taeyong was willing to let the soldier die. He had a secret to hide. A big secret enough to ruin multiple peoples’ lives. But it could also be the best shot to overthrow their government!

He spared a conflicted glance at the unconscious soldier. Heart wrenched at the sight of a battered body lying on the cold bed. It was hard to convince his heart to go as planned. Especially after knowing there were so many things that weren’t adding up. He didn’t want to make any mistake regarding his mission. He didn’t want to hurt any innocent in full consciousness.

Maybe he should find the missing puzzle pieces by himself first. For that he needed help from an outsider, who might not be an outsider after this.

“I can’t.”

The words echoed inside the empty room. Felix was staring at Hyunjin, who looked burdened with the situation; with Felix’s feelings.

Felix didn’t know what he was expecting. He always knew Hyunjin didn’t see him that way. He knew he alone wasn’t enough to stop the boy from leaving. But he still tried. His fear of losing Hyunjin was bigger than his fear of getting rejected. So, when Hyunjin looked up at him with teary eyes & burdened shoulders, Felix couldn’t help but feel guilty. His eyes burned. Pain shot from his heart crawled to his fingertips.

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin’s apology came in a whisper.

Felix shook his head. The last thing he wanted was to make the boy feel guilty for not returning his feelings. But the pain was too much for him to tell this to the boy. He silently watched Hyunjin try hard not to break down; hands shaking in need to hold the boy closer. But he simply couldn’t.

He failed to give Hyunjin a reason to stay.

Hyunjin couldn’t bear to look at Felix anymore. He had been trying to avoid the situation- Felix’s feelings for the last couple of days. He could sense the longing eyes of the boy on him whenever he’s around. He could see the underlying desperation in those brown eyes, looking at him with hope & love.

But his hands were bound. So, was his heart. By no one else but himself. He couldn’t admit the truth. He couldn’t tell anyone about himself. He knew they wouldn’t want him anymore the second they found out. Moreover, he didn’t really have any romantic kind of feelings for Felix. Yes, he adored the boy. But that was it. He liked Felix a lot. Just like he liked the other six.

He had been lying to them for so long, intentionally or unintentionally. It was already killing him from inside, knowing he could lose all the love & the family he had always wanted. He didn’t want to be alone again. He had paid enough for his greed.

His heart ached when he saw Felix trying but failing miserably to hold back his tears. Unable to withstand the view of the younger crying because of him, Hyunjin felt a rush to run away.

Felix tried to stop him. “Don’t go!” He was scared Hyunjin would leave him behind again. He was frightened his feelings were nothing but a burden to the older boy- another reason to leave. “Please, Hyunjin!” he begged!

But Hyunjin wouldn’t listen. He was crying too. As if it was physically hurting him to stay anywhere around Felix. He broke away from the other’s desperate hold, & ran without looking back. 

Seungmin was at the entrance, finally back from his work. He was about to pull the door open when someone else opened it for him. Surprised, he took a step back when another figure stepped out hurriedly.

Seungmin stilled as he came face to face with Hyunjin; eyes red, tears staining his face, lips pressed in a thin line. He didn’t wait for Seungmin to say anything, simply walked past him with hurried steps.

Worried that something happened to the boy, he was about to follow him when Jisung rushed out of the house seemingly in the same state as him.

“Felix,” that’s all Jisung said before following Hyunjin down the path leading to the forest.

Seungmin understood. There was already tension between Felix & Hyunjin recently. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what the reason was. But he could tell, Changbin knew. Trusting Jisung to calm  Hyunjin down, he went inside to check up on Felix.

He found everyone gathering around Felix in the dining. He was crying hysterically. Chan was trying to calm him down. Minho was kneeling on the ground with a concerned frown on his face, & glass of water on his hand- probably for Felix. Jeongin was in the same state as him, clueless, concerned & worried about everything. While Changbin- he was leaning on the wall keeping his distance from the others, guiltily watching Felix cry.

“What happened?” He dropped his bag on the table, along with the letter he brought for Chan. It was from some Dr. Kim Doyoung from the capital. He was supposed to hand it Chan knowing it might be related to the older man’s former job & it could be important. But attending to Felix seemed more important at that moment.

“I don’t know,” Jeongin shook his head, face contorted in worry. We were here, in the kitchen, when we heard Felix hyung calling for Hyunjin hyung.” he eyed the crying boy. “Then hyunjin hyung rushed down, and he followed. Jisung hyung tried to stop Hyunjin hyung. But he wouldn’t listen!” Jeongin seemed frustrated.

Seungmin could guess the rest. He inched closer to the crying boy, who was repeatedly shaking his head while chanting Hyunjin’s name like a mantra. He wouldn’t listen to anyone. Not even Chan.

Seungmin frowned at Changbin’s quietness at that moment. “Isn’t it the time you tell us what’s going on, Changbin hyung?” He was upset. It wasn’t the time to stay muted when their family was going through crisis he definitely had an idea about.

Jeongin followed his gaze, “Hyung? Wait- you know what’s-”

“Felix confessed,” Changbin cut the boy off. “I’m guessing…” he heaved out a heavy sigh, “..it didn’t go well.”

The room fell silent, except for Felix’s ragged breathing & choked sobs.

“That can’t be the only reason for him to act like this.” Minho spoke up. “Unless….” He turned to look at Felix.

“Felix, look at hyung.” he put down the glass & held the crying boy’s face with his hands. “Did Hyunjin say anything to hurt you?” he asked when their eyes met.

Everyone waited with bated breath. Not knowing what to expect.

Felix’s lips quivered. Vision blurred for a new batch of tears. His voice was stuck in his throat all of a sudden. It wasn’t because of what Hyunjin said to him, it was because what he wasn’t telling everyone.

“He’s-he’s gon-na leave,” he whispered in a trembling voice.

Minho frowned, so did Chan. “What? What are you talking about?”

Felix cried out. “He remembers.” He finally let the cat out of the bag.

“And, they- they’re gonna t-take him a-away again!”

“Hyunjin! Stop!” Jisung had enough. He grabbed the boy by his elbow & forcefully turned him around. “Just stop & breathe!” he yelled at the other, worried the boy would collapse if he kept running anymore.

Hyunjin stopped running. But he wouldn’t look at Jisung.

Jisung was okay with it though. He needed Hyunjin to calm down first. He wasn’t sure what exactly happened, but he could guess. Felix might’ve confessed & Hyunjin didn’t react well to it. It kinda stung knowing it could’ve been him as well. Crying like Felix back at home after getting rejected by the boy he had loved for so long. 

Yeah, he was sure that Hyunjin would reject him too. Because the way Hyunjin was crying & avoiding his eyes clearly showed how bad he felt. He was scared as well. Who wouldn’t be? This could be the reason for breaking their family apart.

His hand slowly slipped down, clasping the shaky sweaty hand gently. With a glance around, he guided them to a side- hands never leaving the other. He was scared Hyunjin might run off if something triggers him again. He wouldn’t want that. This part of their village isn’t a good place. It could be dangerous to be alone here.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a few minutes of silence. He watched the boy from the corner of his eyes as he waited for an answer.

But Hyunjin kept silent, eyes downward at their feet.

“You know it’s okay not to be okay, right?” he added realizing the other wouldn’t say anything. He looked down at their intertwined hands, smiling wryly. “We can’t make everyone happy, Hyunjin-ah. It’s not possible to give or return what others want from us. It’s okay if you can’t make Felix happy at the moment. He wouldn’t hold it against you. He’s not like that.” he assured. Felix wasn’t the one to hold a grudge. If anything, he was worried that Felix might be beating himself up thinking he might’ve burdened Hyunjin with his feelings. He was sure that Felix was aware that Hyunjin was feeling guilty as well.

“What if,” Hyunjin whispered, making Jisung surprisingly look down at him. “What if it’s me who can’t be happy?”

Jisung breathed out, feeling slightly relaxed now that Hyunjin was communicating. “That’s fine too.” He nodded to himself. “I guess we humans all are the same. We tend to get hurt. We end up hurting others. But even then, we try to find the smallest things that make us happy.”

He stole a glance at the older boy. “When you disappeared during the war,” he took a deep breath in an attempt to push back the ugly feelings from the past. “I was angry. So, angry that I cursed at you. Then they accused you of arson in the village. We almost lost Felix to the fire that night. He was sick & alone, while we were going crazy looking for you.”

“I wanted to grab you by the collar & punch the hell out of you if you ever came back. I wanted to tell you on your face that you were no longer needed. You were dead to us.” Jisung breathed out, laughing at his stupidity.

“When we heard you died in the north I didn’t know what to do anymore. It’s almost as if I lost my purpose of living. I tried not to show. I tried to live for the rest of our family. And, suddenly you came back.” He really wanted to punch Hyunjin then.

“I was hurt because of you, whether it’s purely your fault or not. But believe me when I say that seeing you alive-” he tried to blink back his tears. His throat was closing up from emotions. “Breathing… Only God knew how relieved I was. How happy I was behind all the cruel words I threw at you.”

He sniffed, wiping the tears with his free hand. “I was so angry yet undeniably happy at the same time. I wanted to forgive you, not because I forgot the past. I forgave you because I wanted to be happy. With you.”

Hyunjin slowly looked up at that & found Jisung already staring at him with a teary smile. “You mean a lot to us Hyunjin. You are basically the root of our family- our happiness.” he reached out with a shaky hand, gently wiping the tears on the older boy’s face. “But you don’t need to burden yourself to make us happy. I might be hypocritical saying this to you, but don’t limit yourself Hyunjin-ah. If being a family is what you want, we’re gonna respect that. We cannot be carrying the same adoration for each other, yet we can be happy. So, don’t make yourself a villain when you’re nothing but the princess of us- the seven dwarfs.” He chuckled in between tears, knowing it was true.

Hyunjin’s heart was burning. Guilt was eating him up. He felt overwhelmed with everything. Jisung might not have said it directly, but he was in love as well. Wasn’t he?

How long was he gonna lie? To the people who loved Hyunjin with their life?

“Jisung,”

“Don’t,” Jisung already knew Hyunjin would catch up. “I haven’t said anything yet. At least not directly. So, I don’t want a reply. Not now.” He didn’t wanna cry anymore tonight.

Hyunjin shook his head. Face contorted in the pain he was carrying in his heart. “That’s not… That’s not it… I-” his lips quivered, voice wet as his breathing started to get ragged with the jumble of emotion choking him to death. Tears wouldn’t stop falling. He wanted to run away. Hide where people wouldn’t be able to reach & snatch his borrowed life away.

But he knew this was it. He couldn’t lie anymore. 

Taeyong was right. It was tiring to act as everything was fine & dandy.

Hyunjin got up on his feet & hastily wiped away his tears with the back of his hands. Then he reached for Jisung with his trembling hands, holding onto them tight. He knew he might not be able to hold them anymore once the truth was out.

“Jisung, just-” he sniffed, “just listen to me first, okay?” he begged. “Don’t run away. don’t -” he took a shaky breath, “Don’t say anything. Just- let me? Please?”

Jisung opened his mouth, but couldn’t say anything watching Hyunjin suddenly looking so scared & anxious. Instead, he nodded & gave a gentle squeeze to the older’s trembling hands to encourage him.

Hyunjin nodded. He took another deep breath, trying to calm down. He looked at Jisung, & felt his heart ache at the unfiltered love & adoration Jisung had in his eyes for him. He was gonna go to hell for hurting so many people, wasn’t he?

“Jisung, I’m,” he gulped. It was hard to force the truth out. “I… I’m not-”

“Finally found you,”

Hyunjin swiftly turned back at the intrusion. Jisung was surprised as well. He tried to peek from behind the taller boy anxiously.

Jisung was hoping it was someone from their family, but instead he found San on the other side of the road with his goons. His heart sank at the sight. Wooyoung had warned them just a day ago about San. They came for Hyunjin.

Hyunjin recognized the man immediately. He knew San was there for him. Taeyong & Yushi had been right all along. His past wouldn’t let him escape. And, now it was gonna haunt everyone around him as well.

Jisung firmly held Hyunjin’s wrist, eyes never wavering from the bad crowd. “Hyunjin, let’s go. It’s not safe here. They wouldn’t be do anything near our h-”

“Jisung,” Hyunjin’s voice sounded different. Suddenly cold and distant. “When I say, start running.”

Jisung’s eyes widened in alarm. “The fuck are you saying?! I’m not leaving you here!”

Hyunjin turned back. “They are here for me, Jisung. It’s me they want. Don’t make everyone mourn for two.”

Jisung felt words stuck in his throat. Unable to process what Hyunjin was trying to say. But then he looked at the other’s eyes.

They were cold. Distant. Scarily empty.

Like a robot with no feelings.

Chapter Text

Chattering noise filled up the hospital hallway. Xiaojun slowly pushed the wheelchair down the end of the hallway. With a gentle push, he opened the door & frowned when he saw the bed empty. 

“Mr. Kim?” he pushed inside the room, eyes darting around the off-white room. He noticed a lump covered by the spare bed sheet at the back corner of the room. “Mr. Kim?” He called out again, taking slow steps at the lump. “Are you okay?” He asked in concern.

The man didn’t respond.

Xiaojun’s worry skyrocketed. He hurried to the motionless lump & crouched down. With careful hands, he reached out & gently pulled down to cover. The soldier wasn’t sleeping nor was he unconscious. He was… in a frozen state; immobile no matter what Xioajun said. He kept staring down while tears continuously fell from his eyes.

It took Xiaojun a minute to realize the patient had somehow gone into trauma. Cursing himself for not realizing it sooner he rushed to the door & called another nurse for help.

“So?”

Everyone looked at Changbin, who was staring back at them in a grim expression. He looked nothing like the playful man he tended to be around others. He looked defensive & ready for an argument with his hands crossed over his chest.

“What?” Seungmin questioned back. He was still upset with the older man for not saying anything to them about Felix. If they had known, they could’ve…. might’ve been able to help with the situation.

A heavy sigh escaped past Chan’s lips. He could tell those two were ready to fight. Unlike Jeongin who had curled up on the loveseat suddenly too quiet. He looked scared.

Changbin straightened up, “How do you feel about this?” he paused before sparing a quick glance at the door behind which Felix might still be crying in Minho’s arms. “About Felix liking Hyunjin. Not platonically as you can tell.”

Seungmin’s frown deepened. “What is there to feel about it? If you’re asking if we’re okay with it, then yes.” Then he looked around the room & realized he couldn’t speak for others. Besides, a few weren’t present there. He pressed his lips in a thin line. “At least I am.” He added.

Changbin’s tensed shoulder relaxed slightly as he gave a small nod. He looked at the eldest of their family. Chan was staring down at the floor; a small frown sitting on his forehead.

“Hyung?” Changbin called out.

Chan closed his eyes & let out a sigh. “Of course, Binnie.” He looked up, “But you do see this right? And, you know it might lead our family to somewhere we wouldn’t wanna be.” he said.

“We don’t know that for sure.” Changbin countered immediately. “Felix is heartbroken. He had been scared that his feelings could be the reason our family would fall apart someday! He had been scared of losing Hyunjin, & all of you.” he tried his best to keep his voice low. The last thing he wanted now was to scare Felix more.

“I’ve been telling him for months to confess. But he wouldn’t.” he frowned, “I don’t know what happened, but suddenly he was brave & confessed to Hyunjin a week ago. And, I’m happy he did no matter what the outcome is today.”

Hyunjin’s tear stained face flashed in Seungmin’s mind. “Hyunjin isn’t any better than Felix either. He might’ve rejected Lix, but… he was heartbroken as well. He was feeling guilty for hurting Felix & ended up running away.” Changbin’s face darkened at that. He had been so busy with Felix that he forgot Hyunjin was hurting as well. Chan kept quiet; shoulders still stiff from the tension.

“You mean, Felix hyung was just scared & ended up thinking that Hyunjin hyung… he’d leave us again? No one is taking him away?”

All eyes turned Jeongin who looked back at them with hopeful eyes. His stomach had been churning ever since he heard Felix. The fear of losing Hyunjin was back in a blink.

“It’s possible,” Seungmin lied through his teeth. “He was in shock & had been scared of losing Hyunjin if his feelings ever came to light.” He offered a faux small smile when Jeongin almost melted on the couch as his body relaxed almost immediately. He silently watched as the boy started wiping his tears with the back of his hands; trembling.

But Seungmin couldn’t shake off the ominous feelings. Was he the only one who heard Felix when he said-

“He remembers…”

What did he mean? Hyunjin remembered the past? Was he gonna leave now like he had before? Felix did say someone was gonna take Hyunjin away! What the hell was going on?!

He looked up at the older duo. Didn’t they mention Yushi coming back?

~~~

Jisung was terrified. His legs turned jelly at the sight in front of him. He was trembling, unable to move his body as he watched the blood getting splattered around him. The cries of death, the angry shouts, pained screams were slowly choking him to death.

He couldn’t think. How?! Was this possible?!

Fear slowly crawled around his heart as his mind raced, struggling to make sense. Eyes never leaving Hyunjin’s figure under the moonlight. His pale blue blouse stained with fresh blood, the metal hand holding a sharp bloody knife. He watched, petrified, Hyunjin skillfully slashing the throats & the veins of the goons without any remorse. Almost as if he had done it many times before.

Jisung didn’t know who this Hyunjin was!

The Hyunjin he knew wasn’t like this. His Hyunjin wouldn’t even hurt a fly, let alone kill people in cold blood. When did he learn to fight like this? When did he become so vicious & murderous?!

He watched San’s body drop down last, throat cut open wide, fearful eyes staring at him almost as if he was silently begging Jisung to save him. But Jisung couldn’t move. He could only watch as the tears slowly rolled down his face. He didn’t know what to feel for San when he was trying to kill Hyunjin first.

His eyes slowly trailed up to Hyunjin’s hovering figure over San body, heaving like he had run a mile. Hyunjin nudged at the wound on the stomach with his boot. When San didn’t even react, they both knew he was dead.

“I told you to run when I tell you,”

Jisung’s eyes stung as he realized Hyunjin didn’t want him to see this. Hyunjin was right not wanting him to show this side of him. Because now, Jisung felt scared of the man Hyunjin was. He was scared that this wasn’t the man he knew. He was scared that once the puzzle inside his head fits right into place, his heart was gonna get crushed.

Hyunjin slowly turned around. Cold murderous eyes were now filled with worry & something else. His eyes scanned over the younger boy, desperately praying that Jisung didn’t get hurt. His posture relaxed as soon as he realized Jisung wasn’t hurt, but terrified. His grip on the knife loosened.

Jisung was still paralyzed in his place. Trembling eyes fixed on Hyunjin, watching his every move like a hawk. His heart beat crazily as he noticed the smallest differences that he never paid attention to before.

He was different.

Hyunjin in front of him was terrifyingly different!

With the hope that it was a lie, he slowly met Hyunjin’s eyes. Terrified of the truth he was gonna see.

Their eyes met. Jisung's breath hitched as his brain reached the conclusion. Like magic, pieces of the puzzle started falling in place one by one, slowly turning his world upside down.

They had been played. Hyunjin fooled them all.

“Don’t you dare take a step closer!” Jisung warned through gritted teeth. Fearful eyes now enraged. Heart aching like it was bleeding.

Hyunjin stopped where he was. “Sung, plea-”

Jisung clenched his teeth, trying to stop the tears from coming out. "Don't call me that!" He hissed out, brows furrowed angrily. "Don't you dare fucking call me that!"

Hurt, Hyunjin took a step back. This was what he was afraid of.

"It all makes sense now," Jisung nodded to himself, as he could now see all the pieces falling in their places. "Every single thing makes sense!" His breathing was getting heavier. He wondered how he had been so blind to see it!

“I told you to listen to me, first!” Hyunjin cried from the other side. He wanted to be the one to tell them. He wanted to right the wrongs he did!

But Jisung wasn’t listening anymore. "It makes sense why you can't remember anything," Jisung shot back instead, voice shaking ever so slightly. "Why Felix felt the mole under your eyes got smaller! Why you were good in the kitchen when the Hyunjin I knew could only make porridge." His eyes were getting blurred.

"You can't draw. But you can write perfectly!" His tone became harsh & accusing, while Hyunjin suddenly went all quiet. "You were supposed to hate long hair, because you hated how they tickled your face! You never knew anything about Felix's mug, or the chair where you first sat after coming back." he shook his head, finding it hard to believe his own words.

Hyunjin looked away, evading Jisung's eyes. “And?" His voice was heavy & resigned.

Jisung didn't bother. "Hyunjin wasn't left handed, y'know." Jisung's voice was cold. "He definitely wasn't ambidextrous." Jisung eyed the knife on Hyunjin's left hand. He watched how the grip on the knife tightened at the statement. When he first noticed Hyunjin using both of his both hand at the same time, he thought it was because Hyunjin was having troubles with his metal hand. Seungmin thought the same. "And, Hyunjin could never kill a fly, let alone murdering people brutally with a fucking knife!"

A pause.

Closing his eyes, Hyunjin tilted his head back & let out a sigh before slowly turning to look back at Jisung. Their eyes met again, & he knew there wasn't any way out now.

Jisung could see the hint of defeat in the other's eyes. Suddenly his heart clenched. Hyunjin wasn't gonna debunk his claims. So, he was right. 

"You are not him,” he breathed out, eyes burning as he watched the other silently store back at him.

He was so fucking right. "You're not Hyunjin..."

Jisung solved the puzzle, but at what cost.

Dr. Kim watched carefully as Xiaojun & another nurse carefully transferred Samuel Kim onto the bed in his chamber. The man was still unresponsive to anyone. Almost as if he was in vegetative state.

Maybe he actually went vegetative at the physical & mental trauma he was receiving there. Doyoung needed to be sure. There could be a lot in risk if it turned out to be true.

Asking the nurses to step outside for a while, he decided to try & talk with the man. He didn’t know what the man could end up saying if he was still responsive. But he was sure he definitely didn’t want Xiaojun or someone else to hear it.

Pulling a chair close to the bed, he sat closer to the man. He had intentionally dragged the chair across the room, making a loud screeching noise inside the room. It worked. His patient’s eyes trembled slightly responding to the noise.

A good sign!

“Samuel,” Doyoung stared at the man like a hawk, looking for any sign of distress or any changes in motions. “It's Dr. Kim here.” He introduced himself knowing his patient might feel at ease at a known presence. “Would you like some water?” He held a glass of water in front of the man.

But Samuel wouldn't say anything.

Doyoung waited a few seconds before continuing. “How do you feel right now? Is there any discomfort you're feeling from yesterday?” It was possible Samuel had been traumatised by last night's interrogation. Then again, this was most probably one of the easy going ones. They didn't physically torture him last night. But they did play mental games with the soldier. He wondered what broke the man all of a sudden. “Would you like some water?”

There was again no verbal response.

But if one would look closely, there was definitely some movement of eyes & facial muscles.

It might just be a shock response and the soldier might get better with some rest. Deciding to put the man under sedation for the night, Doyoung got up to call the nurse waiting outside.

“...in”

Doyoung stopped. He slowly turned to his patient. Did he try to talk?

“Samuel?” He stepped closer to the man. He frowned when he noticed the man was trembling & breathing heavily all of a sudden. “Samuel? Can you hear me?”

“Hy…n”

“What?” Doyoung put his ear near the patient's mouth hoping to hear the words clearly.

The man was taking long deep breaths. Almost as if it was hard to talk. But then -

“M..y name..s… ”

Doyoung stilled, eyes wide as he looked up at the soldier who looked like he'd faint any time!

“Hwang-h..”

Doyoung held his breath.

“Hyun…jin..”

Chapter Text

I’m not like the others.

He had known it the moment he opened his eyes at the camp. He knew as soon as he stepped out of the old rusty bed of the hospital. He was different. Not because of the weird metal hand he had. Not because the way people would steal a glance at him with a mixture of fear & jealousy. 

He was different because of the person he was. A man with no memories of his past. No family. Not even a friend. A man who was scared of the angry disgusted eyes around him, but equally unfazed about all the rotting bodies piled behind the camp. He had soullessly watched the military bury the dead with the alive ones- too sick to get cured.

He was alone- had all the time in the world. Only God knew why.

Ignorance was bliss. But he always had a problem with it. He was unable to be ignorant. Picking up the smallest details around him. Hurting alone at the passing comments, but never shying away from them. He cried silently while staring up at the ceiling, mind empty & heart aching with an unnamed emptiness. He knew he was missing something. Maybe someone. His family. Or, maybe a lover he had left behind with a promise to return?

Truthfully he didn’t want to leave the camp even though it was suffocating him to death. He wasn’t too keen on finding out the world outside knowing his hand was gonna raise questions he didn’t have any answers to. He was scared to face the ugliness outside.

He would often sit under the burnt cherry blossom tree at the furthest corner of the camp- eyes skimming through an old notebook he believed belonged to him. Apparently his doctor had found the diary with him when he was brought to camp & returned now that he was awake. It was mostly burnt from the bottom. So there was only a little he could read from the entries he presumably made before losing his memories. But he would still read the same pages again & again. Hoping they would spark a memory or two. But the words felt empty as the initials of the name under every entry.

HHJ

He spent hours thinking what it meant while tracing the initials with nimble fingers. Trying out different names to fit the frame. But they never worked out.

“H-Hyunjin?!”

Chan had come along, & put a name to those three letters & him. His small eyes were filled with thousands of emotions- all raw & unfiltered. The man had held him in his trembling arms- firm yet gently, unwilling to let go as he cried chanting a name again & again.

A name that from then belonged to him.

Hwang HyunJin.

He had guessed he had a few friends & maybe a family at the repeated mentions of seven names in his burnt diary. But he hadn’t expected that the eight of them, including him, were a family of stray kids. Not related by blood, but by hearts.

They were angry with him. Unlike what he had expected even after Chan’s fair warning, they wanted him gone. They’d rather prefer him dead than be breathing & living under the same roof. It was impossible not to notice the same pain swirling in their eyes, so the disappointment. It was enough for him to know that he had done something to them. Something bad enough to evoke this kind of emotions from six out of seven of his family. Maybe he wasn’t a good person to begin with.

He wanted to run away. He really wanted to go back to the camp & never come out. But Chan held on to him, refusing to let him go. He stood like a protective barrier between him & the family, softening every blow that came to him.

“They don’t hate you.” Chan’s voice trembled with desperation. “They really don’t.”

“They do. I can feel it. The way they look at me.” As if I’m not supposed to be with them.

“The way they look away…” As if they can’t bear to see me.

“The way they talk to me…” As if they’re disgusted of me.

“It feels cold…” It’s colder than the winter I spent alone in the camp.

“It makes me feel alone,” In a crowd, just like in the camp.

“It suffocates me, hyung.” I can’t breathe properly not knowing what I’ve done to you guys.

“Hyung” He looked up at Chan, whose eyes were glistening with the tears he was holding back. See? This was what he meant. Even his feelings were hurting Chan. Maybe he shouldn’t feel anymore. But that wasn’t possible, was it? “I want to-”

He was interrupted by Chan pulling him into a tight embrace. The arms around him felt secured. It felt so warm, that he wanted to stay there forever.

“Don’t think about anything.” Chan’s voice was shaken up with all the emotions he was feeling inside. It hurt, to see Hyunjin like this. So fragile. So lost in everything. “Everything will be fine. I promise you.”

There were times when he felt lost. Unsure of what to do- how to act around his family. There were multiple scenarios in his head, a few routes to the solution of a problem. As if he was prepared, or better word- programmed that way.

He always tried to ignore how his mind worked. He tried not to notice more than necessary. But yet, by the end of the day his keen eyes had picked up the smallest habits & norms of the people around him. Like the exact mug he chose for Felix on the first day they talked. It wasn't a coincidence. Nor was it practiced. He had seen the mug on Felix's hand the day Chan brought him to the house. So, yes. He kinda knew it belonged to Felix. But the look on Felix's face showed that he was surprised- maybe he thought Hyunjin remembered something.

And, this wasn't the only time when this happened. There were multiple times when he did something, & someone would look up at him with expectant eyes, waiting for him to confirm their assumptions. He always felt bad. Because that wasn't the case. He was just simply a little observant.

His memories weren't coming back any time soon. That he understood well. Months after staying with his family & in the town where he grew up, he had no memories of them. Most of his dreams were nightmares- memories of places he couldn't remember, faces that were familiar but blurred & blood. There was only once when he had dreamt of a young Chan near Some construction site. A memory of his past.

But it turned out it might not be real. 

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Seungmin spared a confused glance at Hyunjin, who only blinked at him. "I don't remember anything like that." He shook his head.

"Maybe you weren't there that time?" Hyunjin wondered aloud. His brows shot up as he suddenly remembered something, "Right! Jisung was there! Sleeping like a log!" He nodded his head, sure of his memories.

Right at that moment Jisung materialized behind him like a ghost. "I don't know what you're talking about," he trudged to the counter & picked up a grape. "But me sleeping like a log sounds wonderful." He grinned at Hyunjin.

Seungmin snickered loudly, "Maybe you are right, Jinnie. Knowing him-" he pointed at Jisung, "he can sleep through a decade."

“& then waking up with a true love’s kiss? Knew I was a princess!” Jisung started twirling around, holding a corner of his shirt like the princesses do with their dresses.

Seungmin threw a cushion, laughing at the other’s stupidity. “Sit your ass down, you clown!” he shook his head when Jisung started whining that he was just jealous of him. “Hyunjin had a dream, idiot. He thinks it’s a memory.”

That caught Jisung’s attention. His eyes almost bugged out when he heard he was also in that dream. But soon deflated when he heard the details.

“Out of all the things, you remembered something made up?”

Hyunjin frowned almost immediately. “Huh?”

Jisung shrugged, “The age you’ve mentioned, it doesn’t add up. You found me last. I was the last one to join this family. The age you have mentioned, it’s only possible if it was Felix instead of me.” Seungmin nodded along, agreeing with Jisung.

“Besides,” Seungmin looked back with a small apologetic smile on his lips, “Chan hyung couldn’t possibly be helping out with your nightmare at the beginning. He himself used to have night terrors.”

Later he tried asking Chan who also verified that the memory wasn’t a memory after all. He realized why soon enough when the key to his lost memories showed up. Just like that, his world started falling apart.

Chan had been sitting on the single couch for nearly an hour now. It had been over an hour Hyunjin had run out & Jisung followed him. He knew he could trust Jisung with Hyunjin. But the more the time passed, the more worried he became. And, it wasn’t only him. Minho’s tensed shoulders as he prepared dinner & Seungmin’s anxious glance at his pocket watch every now & then were proof that they were in the same boat as him. Jeongin wasn’t any better either. But instead of waiting for the missing two downstairs, he hid inside his & Seungmin’s shared room upstairs. Maybe he needed a little time alone to calm down.

As he stared at the entrance in silent worry, suddenly someone stopped in front of him & held out a white envelope for him.

“This came from you from the capital.” Seungmin explained, “Kinda forgot to give it to when I came back.”

Right. Seungmin came home when Hyunjin ran away. “No worries,” He assured the younger male & reached for the letter.

Seungmin nodded, “Do you know anyone from the capital?” He didn’t have any idea.

Chan frowned when he noticed the red seal on the opening of the envelope upclose. It was a government seal, used for important documents. He turned the envelope in his hands, & weirdly he didn’t recognize the name. He didn’t know any Kim Doyoung. But his name & address written neatly at the right side caught his attention. It was a familiar handwriting.

Chan gave a hesitant nod. “A colleague of mine was transferred to the capital recently. Sent a letter before, remember?” he looked up, hoping his smile was enough to mask his worry & confusion. Because there was no reason for Jungwoo to send him a letter. Then why?

Seungmin’s lips parted in a small “o” when he remembered Chan visiting the post office once to send a letter to the capital. It was the day he bought Hyunjin cotton candy after he came back.

But didn’t Chan send that letter to some Kim Jiwoo? Or,what? Jisoo?

He was about to ask something when Minho called for help from the kitchen. The second eldest was making stew for Felix. “I’ll go,” he gave Chan a small smile before rushing to the kitchen, asking what Minho needed him to do.

With one hard look at the envelope in his hand, he carefully tore one side of it & pulled out the letter inside. His frown deepened when he found another small envelope inside, with no name on it.

A heavy sigh escaped past his lips. For some reason, he didn’t feel good about it.

Leaning back on the couch, he tore the second envelope & found the letter that might have been sent with high caution. After all, the capital prison didn’t allow the staff to contact their families. They had a strict “no-contact” rule for the employees over there.

With one last worried glance at the door, he unfolded the letter.

“The debt I owe you, I’ve paid it long ago. At least that was what I believed.

But I’m not sure anymore.

I did tell you someone was looking for him. I think I was mistaken.

Dr. Lee was looking for someone else. Someone who is staying with you at the moment.

They have the same face. Same voice. HHJ & KS.

It’s either a misunderstanding, or a deliberate action. I’m not sure.

But what I’m sure of is, the person you're looking for is here with me. 

It seems like a valid reason why he didn’t have any memories & why Dr. Lee was looking for him . 

I can't say more.

Time is running out. Find out the truth.

Do what you have to do.”

A gentle rattle of the wooden door echoed in the house, alerting the inhabitants.

Chan’s angry red & tearful eyes flickered up at the entrance.

There they stood.

A devastated looking Jisung, holding onto the door with his jaws clenched & eyes watery.

Right behind Jisung was him.

The fake Hwang Hyunjin.

Chapter Text

Doyoung frantically entered his chamber. Eyes widened in panic. Breathing fast & heavy as he anxiously walked around the room. He was starting to sweat, unable to think of a way to stop the disaster from coming. His eyes flickered to the phone on his desk. Contemplating if he should do what he was thinking of.

He marched to the door & peeked outside. When he was sure that no one was around, he quickly closed the door & rushed to the phone. Picking up the receiver, he dialed a number he knew by heart.

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Rin-

“Hello?”

Doyoung breathed out at the familiar voice. “Taeyong, it’s me.”

There was a rustle from the other side. A few more seconds of silence followed, making Doyoung impatient & worried that someone might come looking for him anytime now.

“Is everything okay?!” Came Taeyong’s hushed concerned voice.

“For now, yes. But it’s gonna get bad soon.” Doyoung stole a hurried glance at the door.

“What-”

“He remembered his name,” said Doyoung with underlying urgency. “I don’t have the time to tell you the details, but I’ve put him to sleep for now. I’m afraid he might wake up with all his memories!”

“No! HOW?!” Disbelief & fear evident in the other doctor’s voice. “We haven’t managed to get Sam away from the family yet!”

“I don’t know!” Doyoung whisper yelled, “Maybe something triggered him?! Maybe he was just bluffing?! I don’t even know what he remembers until he wakes up!”

Anxious heavy breathing could be heard from the other side. “Just pronounce him crazy if he really ends up remembering everything!”

The frown deepened on Doyoung’s forehead. “And, what? Risk him being thrown to the project?! We haven’t even got out any information! Did you even think that he might actually know something about the briefcase that Jaehyun told you about?!”

Taeyong shut up immediately. An indication that he didn’t think of the possibility that the real Hyunjin might actually know more than he should.

t“Just hurry up then.” Taeyong let out a shaky breath, “Once you’re sure, do what we have to. Ask nurse Kim to start his mission immediately.”

Closing his eyes, Doyoung clenched his jaws in an attempt to hold himself back. “Is there- is there no way to send the kid back home?” He asked, even though he knew the answer.

“You know there isn’t. He’s a sacrifice we need to make, Doyoung-ah.” Taeyong’s voice was guilt-ridden now. “I couldn’t keep the promise I made to Jaehyun. I couldn’t save him. But I’d rather give him a meaningful & peaceful death than let the government tear him apart for the experiment.” This was the least Taeyong could do.

The moment his eyes fell on Chan, he knew something wasn’t right. The older man had never looked at him with such cold eyes. They seemed pained & distant.

As soon as he stepped inside the house, Seungmin & Minho rushed out from the kitchen, faces filled with concern as they looked at him. They stopped behind Chan, who slowly perched up from the couch. A paper in his hand; crumpled at the side he was holding.

Jisung looked back over his shoulder. His eyes were glossy. And, lips trembled as he tried to speak.

“You should be the one to explain…” Jisung sounded broken, “I don’t have it within me to break their hearts.”

Neither do I. He wanted to say. If he could, he would’ve stayed being Hyunjin for the rest of his life. But he knew the time of his borrowed happiness was over. Today it was Jisung. Next day it would be someone else. He couldn’t fool them for much longer. They were bound to find out.

Taeyong had warned him. About the attachment, & the heartbreak that was gonna come with it. The moment he regained his memories, he knew forever wasn’t for him.

“Hyunjin?”

He looked up at Minho, who looked borderline worried, finally noticing the dried blood on his hands & shirt.

“Are you okay?! What the hell happened?!”

His eyes flickered to Seungmin, & then to Chan, who was still staring at him with those cold distant eyes. Right then the door to Chan’s room opened, a disheveled looking Felix rushed out. Changbin then. Before anyone could say anything, Felix was running & throwing him in his arms.

He easily catched the boy. His heart ached hearing Felix crying. The boy begged him not to leave. Felix cried asking Hyunjin to stay even if he could never return his feelings. 

His eyes burned with unshed tears. Jaws clenched tight as he tried not to cry. His arms around the frail boy tightened protectively. He didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to go either.

Jeongin walked down the stairs. Eyes red & wide as the younger stared at them. At him. There was a hint of relief in his eyes. Maybe he was scared to lose Hyunjin again.

How funny & cruel it was. All these love- they only belonged to Hyunjin. Not him.

“Promise me,” Felix looked up at the boy he loved for all these years. “You won’t disappear. Not again.” He didn’t care if Hyunjin didn’t love him back. “I don’t want anything else from you. Just..” his voice trembled with all the emotions running through veins. “Just don’t leave us alone.”

He couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. “I’m sorry.” He apologised for hurting Felix. “I’m so sorry,” For giving them hope. “I’m so fucking sorry,” & breaking their hearts.

“Hyunjin please- you don’t have to-”

He shook his head, stopping the boy midway. “I’m sorry, Lix. I can’t promise anything.” His hands trembled against the younger’s back. 

Felix wanted to protest immediately, panic & fear evident in his face. But he shook his head again before taking one last glance at the others of his borrowed family.

This was it. He couldn’t lie anymore.

“Hyunjin, please! Look at me!” Felix eagerly cupped the taller boy’s face, making the boy look at him again. “Please! You don’t have to leave! We can stay however you want! I promise I'll never burden you with my feelings again!”

A wry smile curled up on his lips. “I’m sure he’d never feel burdened with your feelings, Felix. I’m sure he’d love you the same, if not more.”

Felix frowned in confusion, shaking his head he clung to the older boy more.

“What are you saying? Hyunjin you don’t-”

“I’m not him,” He whispered, tears slowly falling from his eyes as he watched Felix stop midway & stare at him confused. “I’m not the one you want, Felix. I’m just someone..” his shakily breathed out, “...who looks like him.”

Felix stumbled back. His hand slowly slipped down from the older man’s face as his mind started registering what he heard just now. What kind of nonsense Hyunjin was sprouting?!

The taller boy averted his eyes away from Felix, now looking at the front- at the other six who all look confused & worried. Except for Jisung who was looking down at his feet, crying silently.

He looked at Chan. The man who had given him a chance to live a life full of love. His heart was breaking knowing he had to hurt that man as well. He held the man’s eyes, full of tears now.

“I’m Sam. Kim Samuel,” his eyes trailed down to Felix, who looked pale all of a sudden.

“Just a look-alike of your Hyunjin.” Nothing more.

Chapter Text

“Why?”

Sam looked up at the small trembling voice. He felt a pang in his chest at the sight in front of him. The seven of them were scattered around him. Jeongin was curled into a small ball at the base of the stairs, right where he was standing when Sam returned. Chan was now sitting on the loveseat, elbows on his knees as he leaned forward in a drained stature. Minho was at the back, facing away from everyone with silence. Felix was on the couch at the left, tear-stained & agitated as he refused to believe Sam’s truth. Changbin was right beside the crying boy, holding him firmly while he stared down at his feet with clenched jaws. Jisung was leaning against the window at the south, looking out in the dark. But his tensed jaws & trembling lips were giving away his emotions. 

Surprisingly, it was only Seungmin who was willing to meet his eyes. He was leaning against the wall behind the couch with hands in his pants pockets. His eyes looked sad. Not in disbelief or anger or confusion. He simply looked sad & resigned, almost as if he had accepted as it was.

“Why would you do this?” Sam's eyes trailed back to their youngest. Jeongin was still looking down at his lap, a hand holding onto the stair rail tightly as if it was his anchor. He was almost as devastated as Felix when Sam had finally told them the truth about him. The youngest refused to believe anything he said, same as Felix.

“I only did what I had to,” he replied, eyes slowly trailed back at Chan. He looked in pain. “As I said, I didn’t have my memories when Chan found me in the camp. When he said I was… Hyunjin, I simply decided to trust him & come here. I believed I was Hyunjin until…” He paused. He had known his identity for weeks now.

“Until Seungmin took you to meet Dr. Lee.” Chan ended the sentence with a heavy & grim voice. Sam gave a slow tentative nod in confirmation.

A heavy breath escaped past his lips as Chan realized his mistake. When Seungmin had told him about Dr. Lee, he immediately had an idea who the man was. Upon looking up, his suspicion was confirmed that this was the man Jungwoo had told him about back at the recruitment camp. Dr. Lee was Hyunjin’s doctor in the camp, the very man who had been looking for Hyunjin & was the acting leader of the movement against the new government.

When he had gone to talk with Dr. Lee & asked what he wanted from them, the man had said he had no intention of reporting Hyunjin to the military basement. He didn’t want to cause any trouble for Jungwoo or Chan for forging reports. The doctor had said that he only wanted to check up on Hyunjin as a doctor, & besides only he could help Hyunjin with his metal arm. That was when Chan had lowered his guard & agreed for the therapy sessions. He simply thought Dr. Lee was a good doctor wanting to help his patient.

But that was far from the truth, wasn’t it?

He looked at the man in front of him- Hyunjin’s look-alike. If the man was actually what he said he was, a special force agent working for the Korean military force then Dr. Lee had to know about him. There was actually a chance that he knew about the identity crisis of Hyunjin & Sam, & maybe that was the reason he was looking for Hyunjin in the first place. He knew this man wasn’t Hyunjin, but Sam.

No wonder this man was given a metal arm. He was a special agent for God’s sake! They wouldn’t just waste their limited amount of resources on the poor defenseless civilians! Why had Chan never thought of this possibility?!

“Then why didn’t you tell us when you remembered everything?!” Changbin bellowed, his eyes were red as he glared at the fake Hyunjin. “You knew it for weeks! & still pretended to be…” his jaws clenched, “...Hyunjin!”

Sam’s jaws clenched tight. He wanted to argue back. He wanted to tell them what he felt all these weeks, how he managed not to crumble under his guiltiness toward this family & the real Hyunjin. But he remained silent. Because he had known this was directly & indirectly his fault too. He had accepted this mission knowing the risks. He had known this mission might go wrong and hurt many people- including Hyunjin & his family. But did he really care back then? Did he really feel pity when Hyunjin had looked at him with wide terrified eyes, unaware of the danger looming above his head?

He didn’t. He felt like Hyunjin was just another sacrifice they might need to make for a greater good. He didn’t care about Hyunjin’s life. But he was jealous when Hyunjin would tell him about his family who loved him to death. So, when he was offered to live Hyunjin’s life, he had taken it right away. And, gave away his life to Hyunjin who was found barely alive after the bombing.

“Is he alive?” Minho finally spoke out, still looking away from everyone. “Is… Hyunjin still alive?” His voice trembled, fists clenched tightly as he waited for the answer. He didn’t care about anything else at that moment. He could see where the fake Hyunjin was coming from, he also could tell the man had been suffering for the attachment he had with their family. & if it was any other situation, he might have considered having another member in his family of eight.

But right now- at this very moment, he only wanted to know if they were still eight; if the Hyunjin who he had run away with, hand in hand, was still breathing somewhere out there.

Sam’s heart sank at the expecting eyes of him. With a resigned shake of his head, “I don’t know.” His voice was small, full of guilt & uncertainty. “The last time I had seen him… he was on the verge of… death…” he heard a few terrified gasps at the information. “It was right after the bombing. He was with Dr. Lee’s fiance, officer Jung.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened in recognition. Dr. Lee’s fiancee- it meant Sam was talking about Mrs. Jung’s son! Suddenly something clicked in his mind. And, every piece of the puzzle started falling in place.

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” his heart was beating fast, breathing was getting heavier as his patience was wearing thin each second. Seungmin felt electrified when his eyes met Sam’s again. His shoulders dropped as the confirmation he needed came to him without any words.

He had seen those eyes before. He had seen them long before Hyunjin’s disappearance during the war.

“This… wasn’t the first time.” His confident voice changed into a whisper. He could sense there were multiple eyes at him, waiting to hear what he wanted to say. He gulped down the bile rising up his throat. “This wasn’t the first time you & Hyunjin swapped your identities…” It was a statement, not a question.

Silence enveloped the room. Everyone was alert now, eyes blown wide as the confusion took over their minds. Holding breaths, all the heads turned toward Sam for an answer.

A wry smile curled up on Sam’s lips in confirmation

“Hyunjin did warn me that you’ll be the first one to figure it out…”

“It might not work…” Hyunjin glanced between Sam & Jaehyun, eyes full of worries.

Sam raised an eyebrow at his look-alike. “Are you questioning my ability here?”

Hyunjin gently shook his head. He was tired of dealing with the “full of himself” look-alike of his. “They know me by heart. They’d be able to see the differences soon. They’ll question you directly instead of worrying their heads off.” No matter how much personal & family details Hyunjin had told Sam, it was still impossible for him to act exactly like Hyunjin with that “I’m the best” mentality & overconfidence.

Sam frowned. That actually could be a problem if they confront him about every small difference. He looked at Jaehyun, who was also looking conflicted now. They couldn’t afford to blow up his cover!

“So what now?” He asked Jaehyun, who looked immersed in thought.

“Hyunjin,” Jaehyun looked up a few seconds later. “Who do you think might find out?” Sam would just have to avoid those people in the house.

Hyunjin’s shoulder dropped. “Everyone.” He deadpanned. His family knew him like the back of their hands. “But…” He looked at Sam, “Try not to cross with Seungminnie too much.”

“Seungminnie?!” Sam raised an eyebrow at the nickname.

Hyunjin ignored it. “He’s the most observant among us. While no one might think of the possibility of two persons with the same face existing, he would actually think of it. He could be scary at times with that brain of his, I’m tellin’ you…”

Sam’s frown deepened at that. “Problematic smartass!”

Hyunjin blankly stared up at the white ceiling. He felt tired, & dizzy. The last time he woke up, he felt the same. His body felt heavy & sore from lying on his back for hours. No matter how much he slept, he still felt sleepy. 

His eyes slowly trailed to the saline hanging from a metal rod attached to his bed. He couldn’t help but wonder if they had mixed something with the saline. They had done it before. They could do it again.

A silent drop of tear rolled down from the corner of his eyes. He wanted to go home. To Chan’s warm hug. To Minho’s warm stew. To Changbin’s loud doting voice. To Jisung’s whines & cuddles. To Felix’s gentle & peaceful presence. To Seungmin’s calm voice reading him stories. To Jeongin’s love & care for him.

He wanted them back. But did they want him anymore? Did they even realize their Hyunjin was gone? Were they happy now with someone else?

Or, maybe Seungmin-

"Have you figured it out yet?"

Chapter Text

Taeyong anxiously looked at his pocket watch for the nth time. Right after his conversation with Doyoung, Yushi went to talk with Sam urgently. They were losing time. This wasn’t the time for Sam to give into his newfound emotions for the family. He was a fucking soldier for God’s sake!

He knew he could trust Doyoung with Hyunjin. But the project's next trial batch was gonna start in two weeks, roughly. If Doyoung & Jungwoo missed their chances, it was gonna be a disaster!

Rapid knocks on his window brought Taeyong out of his ominous thoughts. Knowing the pattern of the knocks, he rushed to the window & opened to find an uneasy looking Yushi staring up at him with his big almond eyes. Taeyong gulped, already fearing something wasn’t right.

“W-what happened? What did he say?!"

Yushi shook his head, “I couldn’t get him in time!” He bit his lips, hesitating about how to deliver the news to the doctor. “Taeyong…”

Taeyong inhaled sharply. This couldn’t be good.

Yushi pondered for another few seconds before- “The family found out.”

“Oh..” Taeyong suddenly blanked out. Hyunjin’s family found out. “I-...” he tried to think, to find words to say. But nothing was coming out of his mouth. What were they gonna do now?

“Hyunjin’s family is gonna come looking for answers,” he mumbled out. But what the hell was he gonna tell them exactly?! That he switched Hyunjin with a soldier to save his mission? That he knowingly sent Hyunjin to the capitol prison?! That Sam’s life’s priority was bigger than Hyunjin’s?! While he knew his actions were justified at that moment, he also couldn’t swallow the guilt that stuck to his throat for months now.

“Taeyong, we need to get Sam out of there immediately!” Yushi suggested with agitation & concern layered in his voice. “Who knows what they are doing to-”

“No,” Taeyong interrupted the other. “That’s not gonna work.” he had his people watching over that family. He knew things about them. If Chan had already found out that Sam wasn’t alone in this ploy, he would hunt all of them down to find Hyunjin.

“Then? You seriously ain’t planning to ditch Sam, right?! You know without him our mission will fail!” Yushi angrily said.

“We’re not leaving him, Yushi!” Taeyong snapped, eyes back to cold & calculating. “But running away from the family won’t be easy as well.”

“Then what do you suggest?!” Yushi crossed his arms over his chest impatient.

“We talk to them,” Taeyong breathed out, giving a small nod to himself as to convince himself that this was the best for all of them. He turned to look back at Yushi, who was frowning at him as if he had gone crazy. But he knew this was the only way.

“We offer a deal,” he explained. “We tell them everything we know about Hyunjin. In return, they give us Sam back.”

Or, maybe… maybe we might gain more than we can think out of this situation.

Around an hour later, Taeyong stood outside Hyunjin’s home with his briefcase. Yushi was hidden somewhere around in the dark, waiting for his signal. His heart was pounding hard & fast. He knew he could fall into a mess with this step, but he also knew there was no better solution. 

With one last sigh, he pulled himself together- putting his anxious mind further back in his head & knocked on the door.

Two slow knocks, followed by a pause then two rapid knocks.

He paused for two seconds, before knocking again at the same pattern.

Soon he heard gentle footsteps approaching the door. He took a deep breath & took a step back. Right then someone opened the door for him. He looked up, heart ached at the red eyed soldier looking at him solemnly. He noticed seven other people behind Sam, watching them from a distance.

“Hyung…”

Taeyong’s eyes trailed back to the man in front of him. Sam’s voice never sounded this small before. His eyes pricked with unshed tears.

A wry smile curled up in Sam’s lips. “I’ve been waiting for you…”

“I want the truth this time,” Chan’s voice was firm & clear. “No more lies. No more made up stories.” He tried to ignore the way Sam looked down at his feet dejectedly. He couldn’t afford to fall weak now. That wasn’t his Hyunjin. But his heart still ached for some reason.

Felix had thrown a fit, denying to accept the truth. He refused to believe this man- he looked at Hyunjin's lookalike- wasn't Hyunjin.

Taeyong slowly nodded. He was sitting right beside Sam on the couch. Yushi was leaning against the front door with arms crossed over his chest. He didn’t look too happy with Taeyong’s decision to come clean. While the family members were now scattered in front of him. Seungmin wouldn’t even look at him, most probably angry that he willingly fell in Taeyong trap. Changbin looked cautious. Eyes darting around the room every now & then. He clearly didn’t believe Taeyong when he said that they only came to talk. The youngest of the household was beside Seungmin, stern eyes red & glossy from crying. Jisung with the blond boy- Felix. While Jisung looked angry & serious, Felix looked out of it. He was silently staring at Sam.

Minho, the second eldest of the household was standing behind the loveseat Chan was sitting right in front of Taeyong. Surprisingly, he was the only one who Taeyong couldn’t read. His face was blank, devoid of any emotions. But his eyes were sharp. Ready to cut though any bullshits Taeyong might try to come up with.

Taeyong took one last glance at Sam, who gave him a small nod.

Taeyong straightened up. “What I’m about to tell you- I need you all to listen with open minds. I will tell you everything I know about… Hyunjin. But in return,” he noticed the frown creasing Chan’s forehead. “I need you to let Sam go after this.”

All eyes flickered at the silent soldier. Some looked away, some clenched their jaws tight. Felix was close to crying again. Jeongin didn’t look any better either.

Taeyong didn’t wait for a reply. He immediately delved in the secret that he was yet to unveil.

“A few months before the war ended, I received a letter from officer Jung.” a small smile curled up on his lips, “Jung Jaehyun- my late fiance, who was also one of the commanders of Northern base camp.” Taeyong opened his briefcase & picked up a worn out envelope from the stash of papers & many other envelops.

He offered it to the family. Chan was about to get up, when Minho placed a hand on his shoulder & walked to the front. He hesitantly took the envelope & opened it. It was a letter. From Jaehyun to Taeyong.

It was a short letter. Instead of loving words between a couple, the letter contained only information of the situation back then. Minho’s brows furrowed as he hurriedly went through the letter before giving it to Chan.

“Jaehyun had mentioned about finding someone who could actually help with our plans in this letter. He hadn’t mentioned who the person was or where he lived.” Taeyong continued. “I met Hyunjin a week later, when I came to the village on an urgent notice from Jaehyun. A few of our soldiers were severely injured on a mission at that time. I remember finding Sam rushing inside the camp with bloody wet towels & gauges. I found it strange. Because I hadn’t seen Sam being that distraught in all these years I’ve known him. But I was unaware of the fact that… that boy was actually Hyunjin, who was identical to Sam in every possible way.”

Taeyong remembers being unable to process when he found out the truth. “They had the same eyes, nose, and lips. Same voice, height. If I hadn’t known Sam personally for years, I would have made a mistake thinking Hyunjin was Sam. I thought he was trying to steal Sam’s identity & spy on us. So, finding a chance- I cornered him.” Taeyong remembered the wide terrified almond eyes staring at him, begging to have a chance to explain. “But Jaehyun came right then, & explained the whole situation to me.”

“Hyunjin was working for a mob when Jaehyun first found him,” Yushi started on his own. He was the one who was with Jaehyun when they found Hyunjin- a lookalike of Sam. “He was trying to rob a family of three in the middle of the night.” He ignored the looks & gasps he was getting. “We had multiple reports stating about the mugging & killing incidents that were happening in the village at night. Me & Jaehyun, we were on our way to our target location when we saw him & the family under the moonlight. He had his pistol aimed at the family, ready to shoot. But then suddenly we realized that…He was crying,” Yushi vividly remembered that night, “-unable to pull the trigger at the family.”

Yushi wasn’t sure what was happening. The boy was begging (?) the family to leave their belongings when he had a gun in his hands?! Wait- was he crying?!

“We need to stop him,” That was the only thing Jaehyun said before stepping out from the shadow with his own gun aimed at the tall figure. Yushi followed immediately.

“Drop your pistol,” Jaehyun commanded with his stern voice, “Or, I’ll shoot.”

Yushi was now also aiming at the tall figure. Cautiously following Jaehyun’s lead. The figure seemed startled at their presence & stepped back. His grip on the pistol loosened & it fell on the ground with a heavy thud.

“Don’t you dare to move,” Jaehyun warned when the man tried to run. “Hands above your hea-”

“Please- I’m sorry~ please let me go!”

Yushi almost tripped at the familiar voice of the man. His eyes flickered to Jaehyun, who also seemed frozen in his spot. Was it who he thought it was?!

Jaehyun took a tentative step forward, unable to believe what his mind was telling him! The man also took a step back in sync. & unfortunately ended up tripping on a brick & fell on his back. Yushi rushed past Jaehyun to get the man.

But the moment he stepped closer to the crying man, his heart stopped at the sight.

A boy- looking exactly like Sam was looking up at him with terrified tearful eyes. He was breathing heavily, body trembling, mouth stuttering at the sight of the gun in Yushi’s hands. But neither Yushi could say anything, nor he could do anything.

Jaehyun soon came after helping the family to escape. And, the moment his eyes fell on the boy, he stilled. While the boy fainted seeing two men hovering over him with guns in their hands.

“We took him to our base. While our on-spot doctor was checking on him, we were just sitting outside the tent- unable to process everything we just saw.” Yushi nodded his head, “Just as Taeyong said, if we didn’t know Sam personally- we would’ve mistaken him someone else as him. Besides, Sam was a soldier for years, he wasn’t scared of guns. Nor did he have short hair. I mean we just saw him a few hours ago!”

“So, we waited for him to wake up. We needed answers.” Yushi let out a sigh, “He was terrified when he woke up. He thought we were going to report him to the police or worse, kill him. He didn’t even wait to listen to us. He started crying & begging us to spare him. Kept rambling about his family-” Yushi gave an acknowledging nod at Hyunjin’s family. “That he needed to go back. Felix was sick & Chan would be worried- he said everything that came to his mind. Including that he never wanted to hurt anyone. That explained why he was crying as requesting the family to leave their belongings & run away.”

“So, Jaehyun guessed that he was asked or maybe forced- to rob by some gang. After almost an hour of assurance, he stopped crying & telling about himself & you guys. That’s when we found out that your blond boy-” he pointed at Felix, “-he was sick & you didn’t have enough money. He was promised a job- but ended up being threatened to steal & rob.”

Chan was clenching hard enough for his jaws to hurt. Was that it? The reason Hyunjin started drifting away from them? He stole a glance at Felix, who was already crying- hiding his face behind his hands. He could tell from the tightened grip on his shoulder blade- Minho was holding himself back as well.

“Did you…” Chan cleared his throat, “Did you find out who he was… working for?”

Yushi gave a slow nod. “A friend, he said.”

Everyone frowned at that. “A friend?” he asked, then looked at Jisung- wondering if he had any idea about it. But Jisung only shook his head in return, a confused frown sitting on his face like the others.

Yushi watched the whole ordeal silently. “Does Kim Hongjoong..” he looked around, “rings a bell?” Then he watched with sick satisfaction as the realization dawned upon the family. He had always been angry with Hyunjin’s family for failing to protect him. He might have never said anything out loud, but he did feel pity for the boy for everything that happened with him. He always wondered how his family never got a hunch of Kim Hongjoong & his adoptive brother Choi San’s real faces.

Changbin was the first to react. “He said it was Hongjoong?” his eyes were wide, “Or, you assumed-”

“He took the name,” Yushi rolled his eyes. “According to him, Hongjoong was the one to offer him a job. At first it was just delivering packages at odd hours of the day. Soon Hyunjin found out that they were smuggling firearms, & explosives via him, & he wanted out. But-” he shrugged, as if he knew it was sure to happen “he was threatened. They threatened to color his family in the locality & throw you guys to the acting military personnel of the village. If that happened… his treatments would’ve stopped & you guys might actually end up in prison.”

“You mean to say,” Jeongin’s voice was trembling, “He- did all that for us?”

“I mean,” Yushi’s lips pressed closer, “I don’t see any other reasons. He could’ve said ‘fuck’ya’ & left without turning back. But he didn’t.”

Jisung closed his eyes, trying his best to stop his tears. Memories of their fights in the last few months started flashing behind his eyes. Hyunjin wanted to move away, to somewhere far. He asked them multiple times, but none was willing to give it a thought when Hyunjin had changed the subject upon asking for a reason.

Taeyong gave a few seconds for the family to absorb everything, before continuing again. “The moment he heard about HongJoong’s illegal business, he started diggin on them. And, soon we realized that Hongjoong was actually involved in something bigger than we thought.”

“Hongjoong & San’s gang was involved in numerous kidnapping & murder cases. They were also involved with the enemies.”

Chan’s brows pulled in the middle. “What do you mean?”

Taeyong’s eyes hardened. “Have any of you heard of Project D9?”

While everyone hesitantly shook his head, Chan remained still. “You mean the project that our government started back in 1890? What about it?”

Seungmin’s eyes flashed in recognition. He read about the project before in newspapers! “Didn’t the government stop the project stating it was a failure?” he asked.

Taeyong nodded in confirmation. “The new government wanted to start that project again after the war. And, Hongjoong’s gang was helping them with it.”

“From what we’ve gathered, Hongjoong & San was helping the enemies for hefty sums of money. They weren't as patriotic as you think they are. They had been stealing our military resources & smuggling them out of the border for a while. But then, somehow they were assigned to find project D9 & its details. Probably because they found out the project base was in the North. That was when they formed a mob. They started mugging & stealing. Sometimes killing people to make sure people were scared to roam around after sunset. They used their mob as a distraction while searching for project D9.”

Changbin looked down at his hands, unable to believe his own ears.

“What about their youngest brother?” he had to ask. He needed to know who his friend was.

Yushi shook his head. “He wasn’t involved with the gang or project D9. But he was involved with stealing & robbing.”

Changbin let out a slow breath, nodding slowly. A dash of relief washed over him knowing Wooyoung wasn’t like Hongjoong.

“When Jaehyun found out, he started making a plan to stop Hongjoong & San. His target was the person they were receiving orders from. He had to be someone from a higher rank or position to act on his own. Jaehyun believed catching the perpetrator would gain us some advantages against the enemies.”

“It was then Jaehyun sent me that letter,” Taeyong nodded at the letter in Chan’s hands. “He wanted to fish out information from Hongjoong’s gang before catching them red handed.”

“Hyunjin was by then affiliated with the gang, but... he wasn’t trained for this!” Seungmin caught on immediately. His eyes widened as he looked at Sam. “That’s when Hyunjin swapped with… Sam.” Everyone looked at him wide eyed.

Taeyong nodded, a corner of his lips was curled up in a smile. Kim Seungmin was smart.

“Hyunjin wasn’t sure about it,” Sam suddenly spoke up, eyes still downcast while he played with his fingers. “He thought I’d get caught soon. Not by Hongjoong, but by you guys." Then he finally looked up with a small smile. Seungmin was looking at him. “He warned me about you. Said your brain scared him sometimes.”

Seungmin felt his eyes burn. Hyunjin often would give him a look saying Seungmin’s brain scared him. He used to tease the boy back for being a dumbo.

Sam exhaled a shaky breath. “We spent a lot of time together, learning about each other. I read all his diaries, smallest to most important memories he had with you guys. But by the time I had swapped places with him, there was already trouble between you guys. Hyunjin had been on the edge because of Hongjoong, while you were worried about knowing what was wrong with him.”

“When- was it?” Minho asked, unable to digest the fact that he wasn’t able to tell the differences between a stranger & Hyunjin. “When was the first time you… exchanged places?”

Sam turned his head in Jisung's direction. “It was the day you two got into an argument. When he asked to move away.”

Jisung’s clenched his teeth. That’s why he couldn’t tell! He was angry with Hyunjin for not understanding the situation they were in with limited money & a bedridden Felix. So, he ignored the older boy & hid in Felix’s room.

“I was hiding behind your house, wanting to check on how he acted around his family before jumping the wagon,” Sam continued. “Kitchen window was open enough to witness the argument. I saw him rushing out the house while you kept screaming at him on the verge of tears.” That’s why he had that dream. He didn’t regain his memories back then, so he thought it was Hyunjin’s memory coming back in pieces. What Sam didn’t understand was that it was his memory, not Hyunjin’s.

“I found him in my tent, crying his eyes out. Refusing to go back. He was scared. He didn’t know what to do. To save himself. To save you guys. Finding no other way, I decided it was my chance to test the water. That night, instead of Hyunjin I came back here.” Sam pressed his lips in a thin line, “It was easy to fool you guys. I used the argument to my leverage, & stayed away. You guys also decided to give space, thinking Hyunjin would come around soon.”

“What about the day he went missing?” Chan looked at Sam. “That was Hyunjin wasn’t it?” it had to be. He had seen Hyunjin caressing Felix’s hair, apologizing in a small voice. He had seen his Hyunjin begging the soldiers to let him meet his family for one last time. He had requested Chan to save the others while being dragged away. It couldn’t be Sam.

“Hyunjin & I often swapped places. There were times when I’d be busy somewhere else, Hyunjin would come then. He’d watch you guys silently & tell me how much he missed you guys.” He looked away. “That day something happened. In the forest. While Hyunjin was here, & I was there.”

“Was it you…?” Changbin asked, “The one who killed Hongjoong?”

Sam slowly nodded. “They found out that Hyunjin had been sneaking around & talking with Hyunjin. Well, they didn’t know it was me." he looked up at Chan, knowing the weight of the words he was about to say. "They didn't want to take any risk. And, made a plan- to kill Hyunjin that night.”

Chapter Text

“Can I stay tonight?”

Sam looked at Hyunjin. They were near the forest area, close to Hyunjin’s place. Sam needed to be in the meeting Hongjoong called out of nowhere this evening. So Hyunjin could go back home tonight, only if he could promise not to step out from the house until Sam returned. It had been a few days since Hyunjin last saw his family.

He couldn’t help but feel pity for the boy. Hyunjin’s eyes were bloodshot, indicating he might have been crying. Sam rarely felt anything for anyone. But somehow Hyunjin was a different case. Maybe because they were lookalike. Maybe because Hyunjin had everything Sam didn’t have. Maybe because he pitied how Hyunjin was losing everything from his weak grasp.

He gave a tentative nod at the other. “But don’t go out at any cost. Yushi won’t be able to keep an eye on your place tonight.” He warned Hyunjin. Yushi would be hiding near the meeting spot, just in case anything went wrong. If everything went well, maybe he’d be able to give Hyunjin good news in a few days.

Hyunjin nodded along. Agreeing readily with everything Sam said. All he wanted was to go back to his family. He missed them.

There couldn’t be two Hyunjin at the same time in the same place. So, while Hyunjin walked down the path to his home, Sam hid in the shadows- keeping an eye on the surroundings. His fingers were loosely playing with the ring on his left hand. He forgot to give it back to Hyunjin when they switched earlier. By the time he noticed the ring on his finger, Hyunjin was already on his way home.

“Maybe next time…”

As soon as Hyunjin walked inside the house, Sam started walking to the hill.

It took quite a while for Yushi to come looking for him. The man kept looking around, saying he felt there were eyes on him ever since he left the city. He was feeling ominous about the meeting enough to discourage Sam to attend the meeting.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go alone,” Yushi worriedly watched Sam hiding a pistol on his back. Hongjoong had asked Hyunjin to meet him on the hill at midnight, saying he had another mission for the boy. But they both knew that it was an odd place. Noone would be able to tell if someone got killed there! 

“I know,” Hyunjin replied in a hushed voice, eyes at the front as they carefully maneuvered their way inside the forest. “But I can’t take you with me. I need you to stay close-” he glanced at Yushi, “If anything happens to me, you have to alert Jaehyun hyung immediately. He’d tell you what to do.”

Yushi understood. But he had an inkling something was wrong there. A few had seen Sam talking with him recently. They all thought it was Hyunjin. Moreover, Yushi was suddenly painted as a spy from the enemy side. He didn’t know why or how that happened, but he knew that Hongjoong should know about him. What if it was just a trap to get Hyunjin since he was meeting with Yushi? Hongjoong wouldn’t just take such a big risk of letting Hyunjin go if the boy knew too much, would he?

But Sam alone was more than enough to tackle Hongjoong. Maybe he should ask his mind to shut up & follow their plan. But still he handed a smoke flare to the younger boy before parting their ways. “Keep it, in case something bad happens.”

Sam stared at the small cylindrical tube in his hand. A small smile curled up in his lips. What worse could happen? Maybe he’d die? That was normal, wasn’t it? People die everyday.

But then Hyunjin’s face flashed in front of his eyes. If he died, what was gonna happen to the boy? What about his family?

A frown settled on the middle of his brows. This was why he hated emotions. It didn’t let him think with his head. His fingers curled around the flare. “Thanks…” He pocketed it in his pants side-pocket. “Do me a favor.” He wondered if it would be too much to ask for this. “If anything goes south… hide Hyunjin. If I die here tonight in their hands, Hyunjin won’t be able to live either.”

The moment they realized that there were two Hyunjin, they wouldn’t spare the boy’s life. Nor would they spare the family.

“KILL HIM!”

“DON’T LET HIM GET AWAY!”

Jaw clenched tight, Sam ran as fast as he could. Securing the file in one hand, he pulled out his gun with the other. Yushi was right. This was a trap for Hyunjin! They were scared Hyunjin was selling their info to Yushi, so they were planning to eliminate any risk Hyunjin could bring to them!

But they didn’t expect Hyunjin would fight back. They were overconfident enough to bring the important files related to the project. Maybe they were planning to deliver the documents to somewhere or someone after they were done with him.

“Never in a million years…!”

He shot a few dead on his way to escape. But soon he realized that he forgot the way out! He started hastily looking around him, trying to find the marks he had left behind on the trees on his way inside. But he couldn’t find them. The angry footsteps were nearing! He could hear San’s angry holler getting closer.

He brought out the flare from his pocket. Clenching his jaws tight, he pulled the fuse wire hard,  igniting the flare with a spark. A bright green smoke started to envelope his surroundings soon after. Throwing it on an open side with less trees, he started running to his left instead of going forward. Not sure where he was headed to! Only thing he knew was if he got caught- this mission was over! So, was Hyunjin & his family’s life!

But in the end, he got cornered.

“We can do it together, Hyunjinnie~” Hongjoong was holding his hand in front of him as if he was trying not to scare him. “I can offer you more than this!” he looked down at the bag he had thrown earlier at Hyunjin’s feet. It opened on its own from the drop & hundreds of bills started flying out everywhere. But Hyunjin wouldn’t even look at the money!

San was just a few feet away from his brother, cautiously eyeing the file in Hyunjin’s hand. One wrong move. Anything could happen.

“Move away,” Sam warned, the gun still pointed at the brothers. He simply didn’t trust them enough! “Or, I’ll shoot.”

San tensed. But Hongjoong looked downright scared at the cold voice of once scaredy Hyunjin!

“Hyunjin, put the gun down, please! We don’t have to do this!” San warned, voice laced with concern & fears. He could see the stern eyes of Hyunjin, almost murderous!

“We can talk it out, Jinnie. We’re family, aren’t we?” Hongjoong’s voice was unnaturally sweet as he tried to play with the young boy. 

Sam couldn’t help but scoff. Did he really think he could manipulate Hyunjin with those emotional family talks?! Well, tough luck. All these family talk had no effect on Sam.

Suddenly someone yelped in pain right behind him. Startled, he looked back preparing to use his long legs to use if necessary. But it was Wooyoung, San & Hongjoong’s younger brother- also was a good friend of Changbin & Hyunjin! 

The fuck was he doing there?! He knew Wooyoung wasn’t involved with his older brothers, then why-

He watched with wide eyes as the man fell on his chest, groaning in pain with a hand behind the back of his head. He looked up and found Yushi behind Wooyoung, heaving like he had ran a mile.

He had come to save Sam.

Hongjoong & San cried out in concern for their brother. They tried to move, but Sam’s steely gaze & unwavering gun pointed at them pinned them to their spot.

Hongjoong’s composure started to break. “I’ll kill you! I’m gonna kill every single one of your family!” he was enraged.

Sam smirked, “That only if you stayed alive, right?” And, he pressed the trigger.

A loud gunshot & San’s pained cry resonated in the dark of the forest.

“I immediately knew something went wrong when I heard multiple gunshots. Then saw the green smoke from the flare clouding the sky just a minute or two later,” Yushi was now standing behind Sam, an assuring hand resting on the boy’s back. “I sent my people to Jaehyun immediately, conveying Sam’s message regarding Hyunjin’s safety. By the time I went back to the base along with Sam, Jaehyun was already there with Hyunjin.”

Silence enveloped the room. They never knew these. The struggles Hyunjin went through for them, the sacrifice he had to make for them. Were they ever gonna find out?

Chan remembered catching Hyun- Sam spacing out multiple times in the last few weeks. Upon asking he’d never given a proper answer. But everyone could tell that something was troubling him. Was it then when his memories came back?

“What happened then?” It was Felix. His voice was heavy from emotions, so was his heart. “Why… why are you here instead of him?” he looked up at Sam, who was looking back at him with pained eyes.

“The last time I had seen him… he was on the verge of… death…”

Felix’s lips trembled. It couldn’t be, right? 

Others seemed to catch onto Felix’s unspoken fears soon enough. Jeongin sucked in a sharp breath, heart beating fast. He wanted to run away. He didn’t want to listen anymore!

Chan winced in pain at the nails digging on his shoulder. Minho was clinging onto him like an anchor. Changbin held Felix in his arms, jaws clenched tight as he stared at Taeyong, waiting for an answer.

“What happened to him?” Seungmin asked again, voice trembling ever so slightly. He wanted to ask something else, but he couldn’t. He didn’t have courage inside him to face a truth that might actually break him to pieces.

Taeyong could tell what they wanted to know. With another small breath, he pushed his glasses up with his index. “Jaehyun changed their location immediately, & settled near the north border, taking Hyunjin along with him. I & Mrs. Jung followed him separately, not wanting to attract any kind of attention to us. War kept going on, & we were slowly losing.” he clasped his hands tightly remembering the countless soldiers he had to pronounce dead every single day. “The weight on Jaehyun’s shoulders kept getting heavier with every soul we lost in the war. But he still stood strong, protecting Hyunjin from everything & everyone.”

Taeyong looked up at Chan, eyes glossy & red, “He wanted to send Hyunjin home after the war. But-” words stuck in his throat. He opened his lips but nothing came out of his mouth. The vivid picture of that day still haunted him.

“But- they found our base.” Taeyong gulped down the lump in his throat. “Two days before the war ended, I went to the city with Yushi. When we returned hours later- we… I found a bloodbath where our base was supposed to be.”

Jisung was breathing heavily. His hands were clenching & unclenching in panic as the fear was slowly creeping into his mind. He felt dizzy. He felt like he’d end up vomiting if he heard another word. So he ran. Ignoring the equally pained & concerned eyes, he ran up to his room & slammed the door behind him.

Minho wanted to go after him. But he knew he had to listen. He needed his closer if Hyunjin- closing his eyes, Minho exhaled shakily. Tears were clinging to his lashes as he waited for Taeyong to continue. 

“We found Jaehyun lying in a pool of blood,” a tear slowly rolled down his face, “Almost unrecognizable & barely… alive,” his face scrunched up as he tried to fight the pain that came with the memory. “Hyunjin was close, on the edge of death. He was barely conscious with the injury on the back of his head. He was bleeding out to death.”

“God, please!” Felix kept whispering in his hands, tears falling from eyes relentlessly. He pleaded with God not to be cruel with him. He begged for mercy.

“We had to be quick. An informer came with news that an enemy troop was on their way there. We grabbed Jaehyun, Hyunjin & Mrs. Jung, & escaped.” Yushi pitched in a grave tone. 

“Jaehyun didn’t survive long.” Taeyong sniffed, before taking a shuddering breath. “We lost him on our way to another hideout. His mom, we had to amputate one of her legs. And, Hyunjin-”

“Is he alive?” Minho finally asked, unable to wait anymore. He had heard enough. He had heard all the sufferings Hyunjin had to go through. But needed to know if the boy was still alive. “Just answer this first- is Hyunjin alive?”

The family looked at Taeyong with a small hope while silently praying to the God sitting above. 

A small genuine smile curled up on Taeyong's lips. A small nod, and a word of confirmation- “Yes…”

Everyone finally let out the breaths they were holding back. Tears of happiness started spilling from theirs. Changbin pulled Felix's trembling body in his arms tight, murmuring ‘ he’s alive’ countless times in the younger’s ears. Seungmin finally let his tears fall. 

“Where is he?!” Jeongin came forward, eyes wide in desperation now that he knew his hyung was alive. His eyes trailed from Taeyong to Yushi, then back to Taeyong when they kept silent.

Chan & Minho looked at Taeyong with expectant eyes. So did Felix, Changbin & Seungmin.

Taeyong bit his lips. When he came here, he did have a plan to tell the truth. But watching how attached the family was with Hyunjin, he wasn’t sure anymore. Maybe he should just lie-

“Tell them the truth,” Sam whispered, knowing what was going inside the doctor’s head. “Don’t sugarcoat. Plain truth you tell them. Please…”

Taeyong shared a worried glance with Yushi, who gave a small tentative nod.

Then, the truth it is…

“How much do you actually know about project D9?” his eyes traveled around the faces in the room. “Other than that, it was a fail.”

A frown crossed on Chan’s face as he tried to remember. He shook his head, “Did hear about it before. But never found much interest in it.” others gave tentative nods in agreement. None of them knew much about it.

Taeyong hummed. He took out a few more documents from his briefcase & handed them to the family. “Project D9 is named after District 9. A northern village- away from the main city & the capital.”

Chan frowned as his eyes skimmed through the documents one by one. It contained classified information about a different project. His frown deepened when he realized that it was some sort of human experiment.

“It was a human experiment that our previous government started with one of our medicine researchers from 1880’s, Dr. Choi.”

“Human experiment?! In our country?!” Seungmin asked in bewilderment. How came he never heard of it before?!

Taeyong nodded, “in 1886, doctor Choi & his team had developed a new medicine. A medicine for split personality disorder. They claimed proper dosage & administration was able to lessen the severity of the disease. He made a formal application of the ministry to allow them to trial on living humans instead of rabbits. The government accepted their application. But instead of letting the doctors do a lab based trial, they suggested launching the said drug in the market in a small quantity first. It started good, but in a few months- all the patients suddenly got worse one by one. Liver failure. Lungs collapse. High blood pressure. Extreme craziness- you name it.”

Chan looked up from the document, “It says there was an investigation. They found the new drug was responsible & the government banned it immediately.” Taeyong had given him the original documents regarding the drug project.

“Yes. But Dr. Choi wasn’t happy with it. He claimed he could modify the drug & needed some time. But the citizens were completely against it. Many had already lost their families & loved ones to the mass drug trial. They protested against the new trial application & some attacked Dr. Choi’s home in anger. The doctor ran away & was never seen again in the city.”

“He wasn’t arrested?” Minho frowned.

Taeyong shook his head, “The government let him go, or- maybe he escaped before the government could take proper action against him.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I believe it’s the first one.” he gave a tight smile to the family.

“District 9 is an abandoned village in the north-west of our country. In 1897, a group of tourists found a secret lab hidden in ruins & jungle. It was Dr. Choi’s secret lab. Apparently, he had been doing his research there for years after running away from the city, & eventually modified the banned drug.”

“People had no idea about it. But then suddenly prisoners started getting higher sentences than they deserved. Some got death sentences. Some went missing. They found a few of those prisoners in the underground cells of the lab”

Changbin couldn’t fathom the reason. “What was he doing with them?!” Secret human trial since no citizen was willing to trust him?!

Taeyong handed over another document to Minho, who immediately started going through it. Seungmin & Jeongin were also peeking over his shoulders to get the look.

“The modified drug turned out to be more dangerous than the first one.” he carefully placed a heavy file on the table. “It contains the patient records of dr. Choi from 1888 to 1897.” Chan pulled the file closer to take a look.

The more he read, the more distraught he felt. Dr. Choi had divided the patients in groups according to their ages. Drug dose & frequency were determined according to patients' ages. Prolonged administration of the drug caused severe damages physically & mentally.

Chronic hallucination.

Change in skin color.

Behavioral changes.

Paranoia.

Night terrors.

Distorted perceptions.

Losing teeth & fingernails.

Flaky skins…

“Shit! This is- so-” Chan was unable to find proper words to express his feelings.

“Fucked up? Yes.” Yushi grimly nodded.

“The drug didn’t make anyone better. Instead, it slowly killed people,” Taeyong continued. “Prolonged exposure to the drug was slowly altering their memories & behavioral patterns. The patients started getting either aggressive, or became mentally unstable to the point that either they’d taken their life in the cell. Or, Dr. Choi would kill them once they were of no use & out of control. Then they’d burn the bodies to destroy the drug chemical inside & also to remove any trace of this experiment. The police had found a mass grave behind the lab.”

Changbin’s stomach churned at that. He turned to Minho. The older man had turned pale already. He could see the man was fighting the image his mind was trying to paint in his head. He reached out & gently held the older’s fisted hand, hoping to soothe him.

Minho took a deep breath. Slowly unclenching his hand, he loosely tangled his fingers with Changbin’s. He was going to be okay.

“But there was an exception.” Changbin’s attention went back to the doctor. He watched Taeyong place another file on the table, before slipping to Chan.

Chan stared at the file for a few seconds, trying to mentally prepare himself. With a nod to himself, he picked up the file & started reading it.

Reluctance.

Disgust.

Anger.

Confusion.

Surprise.

All five emotions started playing on his face one by one as he read the file.

“Wait- intentional split personality? The hell is this?!” Chan was clueless.

Taeyong crossed his legs & leaned back on the couch, “The basic personalities in a human are good & bad. What if you realized that you have a chance to choose the person you want to be? What would you do?”

Chan’s lips parted in surprise. He didn’t even react when Seungmin snatched the file away from his hands, & started reading it himself. Other four were looking at him with wide confused eyes. But no one tried to snatch or read the file. They knew they would understand literally nothing. So, they waited for someone to explain it to them. 

“But how’s this possible?” Chan finally exclaimed, gaining everyone’s attention. “This drug was a disaster!” he threw his hands up in frustration. He couldn’t understand!

“Maybe it is possible,” everyone turned to look at Seungmin again.”Look, Dr. Choi was grouping the patients according to their ages, right? What if the drug only showed this effect on a certain group?”

Taeyong grinned. Seungmin was impressing him more & more as he spoke. “He’s right. The doctor had experimented on two kids of the same age at the same time.” he pointed at the file in Seungmin’s hand. “Instead of having all those deadly symptoms, they grew up healthy in the cell. At first, Dr. Choi thought his medicine was finally working. But soon he realized that he was mistaken.” he signaled Seungmin to turn a page.

While Seungmin started to read the next page in silence, Taeyong started explaining to the others. “Instead of being a cure of split personalities, it ended up being the cause. The boys showed two alternative personalities. While one was growing up being kind & empathic, the other was growing up with apathy & cruelty in his system.”

“But how?” Chan was confused as hell. “If the both boys were the same age & same group, means they were having the same dosage & administration! Then how did they end up with different personalities?”

“Something had to be different, right?” Minho looked down at Chan in question. Chan nodded in answer, “What if the report is wrong? Like someone messed up-” he tried to reason, “& didn’t mention it on the report in fear or whatever?”

Taeyong hummed, “That’s a good possibility. But I feel something else was the issue.”

Felix had been quiet for a while, silently absorbing the information. But every once in a while he’d look back at the stairs, wondering if Jisung was okay. He had run away before they found out Hyunjin was alive. Shouldn’t they go & end the boy’s misery already?

Sam had been noticing the blonde stealing glance to the stairs. A few others had been doing the same. But none had a chance to get up & follow the boy when Taeyong was slowly dumping information one by one that was slowly leading to Hyunjin’s whereabouts & this whole mess. When Felix turned his eyes back at the front, their eyes met. Worried eyes softened almost immediately as the brown pools of the blonde’s eyes filled with something else. Gentle, pure & almost painful.

Sam averted his eyes, unable to withstand the pain in those eyes. Especially when he knew he was one of the reasons behind that unfiltered sadness.

“There’re a few differences if you compare the report with the others, see-” Seungmin started to show something from the case file in his hands. Sam hesitated for a moment, before getting up from the couch & slowly walked to the stairs with leaden steps. He stopped near the stairs, contemplating if he should go to Jisung. He wasn’t even sure if the others were okay with him trying to talk with Jisung after knowing everything about him.

Distressed, he looked at the crowd & surprisingly, Minho was looking at him. His grip on the handrail loosened almost immediately. He was about to step back, thinking Minho wouldn’t appreciate him trying to reach out to Jisung. But Minho again surprised him. Sam halted at the sight of a small smile on the older man’s lips. His heart started beating fast when the older man slowly nodded, as if he was saying- “It’s fine… you can go”.

Seungmin’s voice started getting smaller & smaller with every step Sam took up the stairs. By the time he was on the second floor, he could barely hear the conversation downstairs. With small cautious steps, he walked to the shut door at the end of the hallway. He stood outside the door, hand hovering over the handle as he hesitated to open the door.

He didn’t know how Jisung was going to react after seeing him. Did the boy hate him now? Did he blame Sam for everything that had happened to Hyunjin?

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath & tried to push the negativity far back in his mind. Directly or indirectly, he was involved with Hyunjin’s miserable life. He’d never be able to deny it. But he also knew that he cared about Hyunjin. More than he cared about himself. He might have been selfish for a while, wanting to keep Hyunjin’s share of love to himself. But he knew he shouldn’t. He simply couldn’t do that to people who had showered him with unconditional love.

He’d accept the hate in return for stealing Hyunjin’s share of love for months. 

With a deep breath, he slowly curled his fingers around the handle before carefully pushing the door open. The sight that greeted him was expected. But he didn’t know it would affect him this much. 

The room was dark. From the cracks of the window shade, pale moonlight had skipped in the darkness, falling on the small lump on the bed. He waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. A few seconds & soon he realized it was Jisung. The boy was curled into a tiny ball on the furthest corner of his bed; hiding his head between his knees.

“Jisung…?” He called out gently, taking an unconscious step inside the room.

He, now, could see the way Jisung’s shoulders stiffened, and the way his hands tightened around his legs for a moment at his voice.

His steps faltered. He waited for a sign. For a single word of affirmation that Jisung was okay. That it was okay for Sam to reach out to him.

But Jisung stayed still for the next minute, before slowly forcing himself to look up at the presence in his room.

Eyes full of tears.

Flushed face.

Trembling lips.

Han Jisung was breaking. Painfully & silently.

“Please, go away,” Jisung pleaded, voice filled with unfiltered pain & sadness.

But the way the younger boy was staring at him, Sam felt like Jisung was begging him to stay. He took a small step forward, eyes never straying away from the lonely ones. 

Jisung didn’t look away either. He stared at Sam in a pitiful daze, tears still streaming down his face. He wouldn’t look away. Nor did he ask Sam to leave again.

Legs bumping against the bed, Sam realized this was where he had to stop. But he couldn’t hold himself back. Unconsciously, his metal hand reached out to the boy, gently cupping the boy’s tear stained face.

Jisung’s eyes closed automatically at the gentle touch. He unconsciously nudged against the cold metal hands, & a weak sob ripped out from his lips right after. Meanwhile Sam’s heart clenched when he realized he couldn’t feel Jisung on his fingertips. His face scrunched in pain, tears pooling in his almond eyes.

“You’re not him. You’re not Hyunjin… You’re not my Jinnie..” Jisung sobbed, chanting reality like a mantra as if he was trying to convince his broken heart. “He’s gone… you’re not him!”

Sam clenched his jaws. He didn’t want to cry. Not when Jisung was breaking right in front of him.

“Jisung look at me,” Sam pleaded, but the younger boy shook his head while holding onto the cold ugly metal of his hand. “Ji… please!” his voice trembled.

Jisung slowly opened his eyes. It was hard to meet eyes that resembled Hyunjin’s. It was hard not to wish for Hyunjin here instead of a familiar stranger who he knew cared for him as much as Hyunjin. And, it was harder to let go of that metal hand that he had held for months, & weaved countless dreams in silence. He had lost Hyunjin already. Now he was scared to lose this familiar stranger.

The corner of Sam’s lips curled up when Jisung refused to let go of his hand. The boy looked scared to let him go. “I’m not going anywhere, Ji.” He whispered.

But Jisung could see through the older man. “But you have to. They came to take you away.” he didn’t want Sam to go. He was the remaining bit of sanity Jisung had.

Sam couldn’t deny the statement. A wry chuckle escaped past his lips as he realized why Jisung was clinging on to him. The younger man was willing to look away from everything to have anything- anyone that resembled Hyunjin at this point. Jisung was that desperate for Hyunjin. He was willing to take anything Sam was willing to offer. And, that’s- not what they should be doing.

“I have to,” Sam nodded, biting his lips & taking deep breaths to calm his aching heart. “Otherwise, Hyunjin can’t come back home…”

Jisung’s world stopped moving. “-what?” What did he say?

Sam forced a small smile on his lips, & slowly leaned down until his forehead met Jisung’s. “He’s alive.” He breathed out. “Hyunjin is alive, Jisung.”

He silently watched as Jisung tried to process the truth. He watched with an aching yet relieved heart as hope slowly returned to those lonely eyes. Sam couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle when Jisung clung on to him more, sobbing again- but this time out of relief.

Chapter Text

“It could be anything for we know!” Jeongin shook his head. It was a report from nearly fifteen years ago. How would they find out now after all these years?! On what ground they new government was trying to start the project again?!

“True,” Taeyong agreed. “It could be anything. The only people who could clarify & verify are the experiments themselves, & Dr. Choi.”

“But what has it to do with Hyunjin?” Chan asked, feeling confused.

Taeyong shook his head, “Nothing at all,” He decided to follow the flow instead of dropping the news directly on the family. “So, Dr. Choi’s secret was discovered around 1897. It was huge back then. People started to protest again. They wanted the government to take serious action against Dr. Choi for violating human rights. But that didn’t happen immediately.”

Everyone frowned in confusion. What was there to wait for?!

“The moment the government found out about Dr. Choi’s accidental discovery they took over the doctor’s custody & put him back in the lab back in district 9. They wanted to see if the doctor could recreate the accidental effect.”

Multiple gasps echoed around the room.

“Why would the Government do something like that?! It doesn’t make any sense!” Changbin was getting more and more annoyed with their former government.

“It does actually,” everyone looked down at Chan. instead of being confused like the others, he looked way too calm & collected.

“What do you mean?” Jeongin frowned.

“Just think.. What did Dr. Choi accidentally discovered & how that could benefit the government?” Chan looked at the others, waiting for them for a few seconds before explaining it himself.

“Somehow Dr. Choi could alter a person’s personality. As much as people could’ve been benefited, it could also ruin them. The government most probably saw this discovery as a chance to build an army- that was capable of killing upon orders, without any remorse for their actions.”

A disdainful smile curled up on Taeyong’s lips when every pair of eyes snapped toward him for confirmation. “He’s right. Our government wanted to make an army.”

“But… wouldn’t that require kids under fifteen?! Not to mention their could be other unknown conditions too!”

Taeyong hummed, “You wouldn’t even believe how many kids & teenagers went missing after that.” He was in college that year. Every week he’d see new posters of missing kids hanging on the city notice board. Some even started to hang missing people notices on the trees when there wasn’t enough space on the board anymore! “The moment I stepped out, I’d see missing posters & the families crying their eyes out all around me. It was so horrible that people started hiding their children inside their homes out of fear of losing them to the unknown.”

“Did they succeed?” there was a hint of fear in Felix’s small voice.

Taeyong slowly shook his head. “I don’t know. The experiment was carried on for nearly two years. Then the government suddenly threw Dr. Choi behind the bar giving him lifelong imprisonment.”

“So, is it safe to assume that he didn’t succeed?” Seungmin asked.

“Maybe. Or, maybe the government was done altering enough kids' minds in that timeframe. Maybe they had found out Dr. Choi’s secret behind the split personally. & was using other younger researchers to carry out the experiment-” Taeyong let out a sigh “who knows.”

“What about the first two kids? What happened to them?”

Taeyong stared at Chan silently. Jungwoo was right. Nothing crossed past Chan’s eyes, did they?

“They escaped when the tourist first discovered the lab. The tourists thought they were locked up & felt pity. So, they let the boys free &-”

Taeyong’s voice faltered at the sight of Jisung & Sam. As soon as they were in the hall, Jisung ran to Minho’s open arms. Sam watched as everyone crowded around the other, mumbling words of assurance & small apologies for not going to get him earlier.

Felix’s eyes trailed back to Sam. The sight of the man caused a dull ache in his chest. He didn’t miss the teary eyes. Nor did he miss the guilt embedded in the man’s lanky posture. But he still couldn’t find it in himself to soothe the man. At least not now.

Taeyong noticed Sam awkwardly lingering around the staircase, not knowing what to do- or maybe what not to do to hurt the family more than he already did. He couldn’t help but feel pity for the boy. 

“Sam?” Taeyong gently called the soldier. In response, the man carefully walked back & sat back on the couch. “Okay?” He asked. Sam gave a small nod. Taeyong pressed his lips in a small smile before turning back to the family. He decided to ignore a fews longing gaze at Sam. 

“These files were the documents that Sam had stolen from Hong Joong back at that night.” he gestured to Yushi to hand the files to the family. “He gave it to Jaehyun, who gave it to me to keep it safe.”
Chan, Minho & Seungmin were the ones who divided the files among themselves to check the contents. Seungmin frowned upon finding various methodologies & drug tests in the files. Upon checking documents from Minho & Chan, he realized this was the procedure the new government was trying to follow to start the experiment again. While this was a huge thing, he couldn’t ignore the small line at the bottom of the fifth page.

“After the bombing, injured soldiers were arrested & taken to enemy custody. And, unfortunately Sam had ended up there with his right wrist missing.” Taeyong took a deep breath. “For the next two days he was kept in the local prison, with bare minimum treatment. His wound got infected by the time the new government had taken over.” Sam dipped his head lower, unwilling to meet the wide horrified eyes staring at him. He could tell they already caught on what happened next.

Taeyong paused for a few seconds, knowing it’s gonna get worse from now on.

“We were then offered to work for the new government. I was about to reject the offer regardless of the outcome it might have brought. But a friend of mine found me on the day of the new government installation. He reached out to me with Sam’s news. Sam’s infection got severe while left untreated & it had already started to reach up to the elbow. My friend had no option but to cut off the infected part down his elbow.”

Sam closed his eyes. He didn’t remember it. But yet, listening to how he lost his arm was almost equally devastating & painful.

Yushi noticed, & placed a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder- squeezing slightly in a silent consolation.

“But that didn’t end there.” Yushi continued. “Apparently, the military knew about the missing logs- thanks to Choi San, who provided them with a photo of Hyunjin. They decided to transfer Sam to the capital prison immediately.”

Minho’s heart fell knowing where this was going. “But you couldn’t let that happen, could you?!” his voice was accusing. 

Taeyong exhaled in disdain, shaking his head. “I had no other option! I couldn’t let them take him, especially when I knew-” he paused, & took a breath to calm down. “Sam was injured back then, it was possible to get the truth out of him by just using a higher dose of anesthetics or worse, torturing him to death.” he tried to reason. “One truth could cost our entire nation!”

So? You…” Chan was breathing heavily. He couldn’t wrap up his thoughts anymore. “You decided to swap them?!” words were ringing in his ears.

Taeyong gravely nodded, eyes red as he remembered that night they made the last swap. “Yuta, my friend who found Sam, was the designated doctor for Northern camp prisoners. He helped me to switch Hyunjin with Sam.” he tried to gulp the bile down his throat. But it still left a bitter taste that seemed to crawl up to his tongue as he confessed the wrong he did with Hyunjin.

“Sam needed care & proper treatment. And, I was a government employee. I needed a place to keep him safe. To keep the secret safe. So, we tried to alter Sam’s memory after his surgery.” He planned everything, every step they took. Just to make sure the enemies wouldn't find Sam at any cost. “Yuta tried to hypnotize him, feed his foggy brain Hyunjin’s memories of yours…” He had found the half burnt diary with Hyunjin at the camp. He tried to feed Sam’s lagging brain those moments. But they weren't experts. They didn't know if it was working. “We found Hyunjin’s diary with him earlier. That kinda helped.”

“Then how come he didn't remember -” Changbin asked, confused. If Sam had known about those memories.

“We were no experts.” Taeyong confessed, “We tried. But realised too late that Sam had already lost his memories after the bombing, and was slowly getting hung up on reality. He was getting his memories back one by one. But because of our intervention, he was muddling up the reality with Hyunjin’s memories. He got confused & agitated, unable to decipher what was wrong in his head.” he vividly remembered the terrified screams & horror painted on Sam’s face with every distorted memory that came back to him. Sam thought he was going crazy. Crazy because of the guilt that he couldn’t save Jaehyun & Hyunjin. But Taeyong would never voluntarily tell that to Sam. “So, we tried to alter his memories again,” he said instead.

“What?!” Changbin was frowning hard. “You mean-” he spared a glance at Sam, “you- you erased his memories?!”

Taeyong nodded solemnly. “At that point, he was better off as a blank slate rather than being himself or Hyunjin. We tried to bind his memories to particular words that could trigger his memories.” his eyes travelled over the people in front of him. “After you guys took him, a few people saw him with Seungmin. In the city.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened immediately as he realized what Taeyong was talking about. That was the time when Hyunji- Sam fainted & he had to carry the man back home to an angry Minho. “Those two were your men?!” he asked. 

Taeyong shook his head. “They were just regular people who knew Hyunjin from the war camp. They have been held captive along with Hyunjin after a mishap for two days, before Sam went & rescued Hyunjin. So, when they tried to talk Hyunjin & mentioned about prison- Sam’s memory was triggered. He must’ve remembered something from his past that stressed his brain & he fainted.”

Sam’s breath hitched. He looked up at Taeyong with wide eyes. “Prison- was a trigger word?” His voice was small & airy. “I saw- saw myself chained… in a dark room… alone..I- was wondering why those men weren’t with me-” he stammered. “You mean, it was purely my memory? & the dreams- those were too?”

Taeyong nodded. “It’s most probably from the time when they found you injured after the bombing. You were almost out of it with the massive blood loss & pain from your wrist. Maybe you’ve forgotten about it.” He offered a small smile, hoping to ease the younger. “Your dreams were most probably just responses to some trigger you unknowingly faced or heard. They might have been your real memories or the muddled up version of your & Hyunjin’s memories.”

Jisung helplessly stared at Sam, watching him battling with his own memories in pity. This was just another proof that he didn’t deliberately lead them on from the beginning. He wanted to reach out & hug the man, tell him that it was okay now. He was back to himself. But at this point, knowing there was a massive guilt inside the man- clawing his heart into pieces- he didn’t know if being himself was a great thing for Sam anymore.

He was unaware of everything that had happened after the bombing. He was just another victim who was saved from the enemies, but then was pushed into another situation out of his knowledge. When his memories came back…Jisung couldn’t fathom how he must’ve felt knowing all these love & this home- they were meant for someone else. How did he cope up with that?

Taeyong cleared his throat, “After that I dropped Sam off in a refugee camp in the west. The people thought of him as a regular civilian there. So, he was safe. Only for a while though. Because, sooner or later, someone was bound to find out about two people having the same face.” He leaned back, feeling the pain from his sciatic nerve coming back again. 

“I had to move him from camp to camp until I found you,” he looked at Chan, who stared down at his hands. “Once I was sure Sam was physically fit, I transferred him to your camp with a few other patients.” In that way, no one suspected Sam. “I needed him to be away from the military until the situation settled or we found a way to stop the experiment.”

“And , hyunjin?” Chan asked, “What about him? What happened to him while you’re busy saving-” he took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He knew he shouldn’t be angry with Sam when he had no say in this mess. But Hyunjin wasn’t here with them because of that man. & that was killing every sane voice in his mind.

Taeyong understood. He could tell Chan was about to burst out at any moment. And, he knew the truth wasn’t gonna help any of them. So, he lied through his teeth.

“Hyunjin was unconscious during the whole thing.” He couldn’t find the courage to tell them how Hyunjin begged them not to send him away. How the boy cried on his knees, pleading not to erase his memories. “He had lost his memories from the injury on his head. So, we left him in another doctor’s care in the capital.” He pointedly ignored Yushi’s eyes on him. There was no way he was going to tell them that their half-assed hypnotism somehow worked on Hyunjin.

Chan clenched his teeth. “Is it… Dr. Kim?’ the letter he received today… It was from the capital. “Kim Doyoung?”

Seungmin’s eyes widened in recognition. That man sent the letter today!

Taeyong was surprised. He didn't expect Chan to know about Doyoung. But then again, maybe it was Jungwoo who somehow managed to slip a clue or two to Chan. This could be…it's already been a few weeks since Jungwoo joined the capital prison. He must've already met Hyunjin there & connected the dots already.

That being said… how was he gonna tell them about the mission he gave Jungwoo.

“So, what’s you plan now?” Seungmin decided to ask. “All these histories & plans” he gestured at the scattered documents on the table, “All these risk you took to save Sam & the logs from the new government- you even came to trigger Sam’s memories & now want to take him back with you…” he folded his arms over his chest. He wasn’t gonna let Taeyong whisk Sam away with just explaining what he had to do. “What’s your plan? What’s Sam’s role in this? And, most importantly- how are we going to get Hyunjin out of the capital prison?

The room instantly went silent. While the family waited for the answer from Taeyong & Yushi, the duo went quiet, not knowing how to lay out their original plan- that required Hyunjin’s sacrifice.

Sam was also looking at Taeyong, waiting for him to explain. But the silence kept stretching longer. It was then, when he realized something.

Taeyong didn’t have any plan to get Hyunjin out- did he?

“Hyung,” his voice was shaking. “Please hyung, tell me you have a plan for him! You do, right?!” he asked desperately. Multiple gasps rang out inside the house.

Taeyong closed his eyes with a heavy sigh as soon as the room filled with angry enraged chaos. Changbin fuming, reaching out to Taeyong to beat the shit out of him. But Yushi stood like a dam between the family & Taeyong, not allowing the angry hands get to the doctor.

“This has to be a fucking joke!” Chan bellowed. His eyes were red & angry, as he pointed at Taeyong. “You are a fucking joke! How dare you put Hyunjin in such a position without any plan to rescue him?!”

“I didn’t have a choice!” Taeyong retorted back, angry because he wasn’t thinking about one person or his family only. He was thinking about their whole nation. “If I hadn’t done what I did, all children of our nation would have ended up in the lab!” 

“Do you think we fucking care?!” Chan had lost it. “I told you before, I just want my family safe! I care nothing else!”

Taeyong’s face contorted in disgust. He hated this type of people. They only thought of themselves. They only thought of their own interest while people like Jaehyun wasted their lives for people like Chan. “You disgust me!”

Chan shoved Yushi aside, & walked dangerously close to the doctor. “Does is look like I fucking care?” he said in a cold voice, sending a shiver down Taeyong’s spine. “I want my Hyunjin back. I don’t care what you have to do & who you need to kill. I want Hyunjin back in my arms, alive & breathing.”

His eyes flickered to the couch, Sam was staring up at them with tears in his eyes. Parted lips trembled as he breathed heavily. Chan stepped away from the doctor, & stopped in front of Sam. “And, I’m not letting him go.” Chan stated clearly, ignoring Yushi & Taeyong’s attempt to intervene.

He reached out & pulled Sam up on his feet. Sam was crying, while staring at him with questions, confusion & a mountain high guilt inside his dark orbs. Chan inhaled, coming to a final decision.

He turned back to Taeyong & Yushi, hiding Sam behind his wide shoulders protectively. “I don’t care who he was back then. Now, he’s my family.” he stared directly at Taeyong. “And, I won’t allow you to take away another from my family.”

Not again.

Chapter Text

A piercing scream. Loud & agonising, but now a common occurrence in the Northern lab.

A female doctor watched through the small window on the door as the scream echoed around the hallway. Her face devoid of any sympathy as she watched the current subject scratching his body with blunt nails, causing pain & blood from the torn skin & flesh.

A dissatisfied sigh escaped past her lips as she turned around & started walking away from the lab. She needed to report it to the colonel. As soon as possible.

This one’s not gonna last long. They needed more volunteers to start the next phase.

And perhaps also discuss their last option.

The guards in the hallway straightened up as soon as the familiar heavy steps started echoing there ominously. The closer the sounds of heavy boots came, the more panicked the guards were. Soon, a tall figure emerged at the south end of the hall, accompanied by the prison in-charge, Ryo Amada & the head doctor, Nakamoto Yuta.

Colonel Dr. Yuto Adachi, the man behind the mysterious northern camp. Before the colonel suddenly vanished in the northern camp, the man was known for his razor-sharp skills in the surgical field. While he was extremely talented, he was also a psycho in disguise. He was cruel & torturous, not only to the living prisoners, but also to the dead whom he used for his mental satisfaction. There were countless times when the man was found with open bodies on the bed, head cracked open with brain splattered like mush on a silver plate. Sometimes it would be the heart, sliced open in layer by layers, in sick attempts of the doctor trying to find God knew what!

He even had a record of gouging the eyes of the alive prisoners during interrogation just to see how an eye worked while it was still very much alive. The other doctors were jealous of his skills, but more than that, they hated him for obvious reasons. But the colonel was greatly favoured by the upper people. Maybe he was equally sinister as the government, or maybe he was more than that. Who knew?! No one could verify after all. 

“This is it?” The colonel raised an unimpressed eyebrow at the list in his hand. “Merely 20 people? What am I gonna do with that?” he snickered.

“Colonel Adachi,” Amada anxiously started, "we've informed you multiple times that we absolutely cannot let you take more than ten people each month. Twenty is a double-”

“So what? They all end up dead!” Adachi cut through with a growl, “I need healthy bodies, not the discarded bitches waiting to die!”

“Colonel, please try-”

He had been trying to keep his mouth shut since the psycho stepped into the prison. But it had always been quite hard to keep his mouth shut in front of Adachi. Just like now.

“Then I suppose you can source healthy bodies from somewhere else.” Yuta calmly suggested, ignoring the pale face of the prison in-charge beside him, whispering to him to shut up. “If you’ve forgotten, this is a fucking prison. No one is healthy enough for your sick research.”

A slow, maniacal grin crept up on Adachi’s face as he looked at Yuta. “You’ve still got your tongue, I see.” he took a step closer, almost like a predator. “Maybe I should just throw you in my labs sometimes. A healthy body with an unnecessary tongue in that mouth of yours. Will do great, I suppose.”

Yuta smirked, quite used to the bark. “Try it if you want.”

Adachi’s eyes twitched. Only if Nakamoto wasn’t the general’s son- he would’ve made it a personal mission to dissect the bitch into pieces.

“Meanwhile, as Amada informed you, we’ll send those twenty with you tonight. Feel free to drop a few sick ones. Who knows- maybe they’ll die before reaching your lab.”

With that, Yuta excused himself from the cabin, bluntly ignoring the scalding gaze burning on his back.

As soon as he stepped out into the hallway, his nonchalant mask dropped. A frown easily sat on his forehead when he realised that they were running out of time. He found a nurse at the reception, & sent him to find Doyoung.

They needed to decide what to do with Kim Samuel- or, should he say Hyunjin now?

“You called for me?”

Yuta glanced up at the door. Doyoung was standing there, a clueless mask fitted to his face.

“Yeah, come in.” He closed the file in front of him, & heaved out a sigh at the name on the file. “And, close the door behind you, please.”

Doyoung did as he was asked. But as soon as the door was closed, his mask fell off. “Why is the colonel here today?!” he whispered aggressively, a frown curled on his forehead. “He was supposed to come next week!” He thought they still had enough time to do something about Hyunjin & Sam. He only told Taeyong about Hyunjin’s condition last night & yet to receive a response.

“By the way he was raging, I’m assuming he lost his last subject.” Yuta leaned back on the chair. “Amada managed to round up around twenty as promised, but I might’ve seen the boy’s name on the list.” he pushed the file across the table, in front of Doyoung. 

Doyoung clenched his jaws at the name on the file- Kim Samuel.

“Finally decided to discard him since they couldn’t extract any information from him. They waited for him to die on his own from the torture. But thanks to you, he managed to live this long.” Yuta stole a glance at the other, “Still no idea how he managed to break my hypnotism?”

Doyoung shook his head. “Maybe the trauma was too much to bag in. But I don’t think it’s a good idea to let Adachi take him alive. Who knows what catches that psycho’s attention!” The last thing he wanted was to let Adachi have a hunch about the truth. The man was very sharp, & might end up connecting the dots if he finds out that there were two names to one face.

But it was also hard to kill the boy, knowing he was just an innocent victim in all this. “Nurse Kim isn’t gonna go with the plan. He clearly stated he wouldn’t kill an innocent.”

Yuta’s head was pounding. “What about Lee? What did he say? He won’t be happy with Nurse Kim’s decision.”

Doyoung shrugged, “Not like we can force him. Moreover, I have yet to hear from Taeyong. He still doesn’t know about Adachi’s visit today.” He was frustrated, worried, concerned- & everything that wasn’t good for his mental health.

“What do we do, Yuta? We can’t stop Adachi, we can’t suddenly kill Hyunjin without Jungwoo now.”

Yuta knew that too. Letting Hyunjin go to the camp alive was a recipe for disaster. There was a lot at risk at the moment. “We wait,” he calmly said.

Doyoung looked more pissed at that. “For what?!” What was there for them to do after waiting?!

“We wait for Taeyong’s call. We wait for a decision.” His voice was firm, his gaze commanding. “From my perspective- maybe we’re gonna land in a bigger mess than we planned. So, we’ll wait for Taeyong's call.”

That was the end of the discussion.

Seungmin stood outside Hyunjin’s room, well aware that Sam was now occupying it. Strangely, he found him not caring about it much. Maybe a small part of his brain already had an idea from the very beginning that this wasn’t the friend he lost. That could be a valid reason why he wasn’t shocked today.

Surprised & disappointed? Yes.

Surprised because Sam & Hyunjin managed to swap under his nose so many times.

Disappointed because he couldn’t recognise the difference sooner.

And, at the moment, he wasn’t sure exactly what he was feeling. There was something he needed to be sure of. And, beside Taeyong- only Sam could tell him the truth- that if he even knew about it.

With a gentle knock on the door, he invited himself inside. Sam was on the edge of the bed, near the window. The man looked up, but this time Seungmin couldn’t read him. For the first time since he walked inside this house, Seungmin couldn’t tell what the man was thinking & feeling. 

His face was blank, eyes devoid of any emotion. Practised straight posture.

One look, & Seungmin could tell this wasn’t their Hyunjin.

A small sigh.

“Don’t stare at me like I’m some stranger now. We’re past the phase, y’know.” Seungmin closed the door behind him, & leaned back on it. His hands automatically came up & crossed over his chest as usual.

“How are you feeling?” Seungmin asked, but this time his voice was softer & kinder like it usually would be with the other.

Sam didn’t look away. But he did seem to relax his posture slightly. “Like I’m the root of everything.”

Seungmin kinda guessed. Guilt was something that wasn’t easy to get off. “But you know it’s not true.”

Sam shrugged. “But the situation now is because of me. The last thing I wanted was to fuck up this family.” he looked out the window. Almost as if he couldn’t meet Seungmin’s eyes anymore.

Seungmin let the silence stretch for a few seconds. Arranging the words he wanted to say, thinking again if his questions were valid. While he also let Sam had his little time to calm on the fact that he didn’t fuck up the family. At least not entirely. The family was fucked up the moment Hyunjin left. It had never been the same again.

“Chan meant what he said,” he said after a while. “He would do anything to keep his word.”

A heavy sigh escaped past Sam’s lips. He knew how Chan was. And, he knew Seungmin was right. “But this might end up hurting you all.” he clenched his teeth, “You can’t keep us both.” he wanted to stay. He really wanted to.

“Why?” Seungmin frowned, not feeling good knowing they eventually needed to make a choice. Because, no matter what, at the end of the day, they all would choose Hyunjin. But then- what was gonna happen to Sam? What was he gonna do? Where was he gonna go?

“What was Dr. Lee’s plan with you?” he asked, leaving no room for any hesitation or lies. Sam turned back, eyes calculating as he stared back at Seungmin.

“What was the plan before the bombing happened? From what I can tell, you don’t know the current plan. Everything has changed while you were out of your world.”

A small smirk curled up on Sam’s lips. “There was no plan.”

Seungmin blinked. “Excuse me?”

Sam perched up from the bed & stood facing Seungmin. “There was never a plan.”

Seungmin was flabbergasted, “Then what were you gonna do? With all that information?!”

“I don’t know.” Sam shrugged. “We had only found out about the project back then. Jaehyun hyung was stressed as hell, communicating with other commanders on how to approach this situation. That day, when Taeyong hyung & Yushi went to the city, they actually went to find out about the person in charge of the project, Yuto Adachi. By the time they came back, everyone was either dead or near death.”

Seungmin breathed in. “Before they tried to fuck up with your mind, did they say nothing?”

A wry smile curled up on Sam’s lips. “Nothing… They just wanted me safe… maybe because I didn’t give a damn about my life, & the fact that I actually can kill people unlike Hyunjin.”

Seungmin nodded, then suddenly he looked up, eyes sharp as he challenged, “Or maybe, because sending you to prison would reveal something bigger than just killing people.

Sam’s smile faltered. “What… are you talking about?” Confusion laced his voice.

Seungmin straightened up, hands now loose beside him. “Maybe we need to sit down for this talk.”

Sam suddenly felt his guard rise. This was Seungmin. He could pick up things faster than anyone else. “What talk?” What did he know?

Seungmin pursed his lips together & shoved his hands in his pants pockets. “The fact that maybe… your Jaehyun hyung & Dr. Lee have been keeping things from you. Intentionally.”

Contrary to the others' belief, Taeyong actually expected this. The fact that Chan would revolt against everything. He expected Chan to throw Sam out like a pig, but he also kinda expected the opposite.

By the end of the night, he was still at peace, knowing things were still going as he wanted.

“So, what now?” Yushi was hidden in the darker corner of the room, like a shadow in the dark.

“Now we let them choose.” Taeyong walked to the window, & pushed them open. He took a deep breath, letting the peaceful morning air fill his system before everything got messy.

Yushi frowned. He didn’t like Taeyong’s calm demeanour. This Taeyong was calculative. This Taeyong was secretive, & destructive. But this Taeyong was the one he could trust with the mission they were on. Jaehyun was right to name Taeyong the leader before his death.

“Choose between what?”

Taeyong glanced back over his shoulder- eyes sharp & lips curled up in a small smirk. “That if they’ll let Sam go & save Hyunjin, or not.”

Taeyong had a talk with Doyoung an hour ago. Found out about Adachi’s visit & Jungwoo’s unwillingness to complete his mission, which he kinda guessed when he saw the letter in Chan’s hand last night.

“Hyunjin will be deported today to the northern camp after midnight with nineteen other prisoners. Chan has to decide if he wanna save Hyunjin or not before that.”

Yushi raised an eyebrow. “You think he’ll agree to let Sam take that risk? You did see him last night, right?” Chan was very protective of Sam.

Leaning back on the window, Taeyong nodded back. “Chan will hesitate for sure. But- Sam… his guilt toward Hyunjin is gonna make him convince the family. They all know that Sam was the only person who could manage to do the impossible.”

Yushi hummed, kinda impressed with Taeyong’s mind. “What do you plan to do with Sam then? You surely won’t let him waste himself to save Hyunjin.”

Taeyong’s smile dimmed ever so slightly before he turned his eyes away from the dark corner. There was a single photo of Jaehyun & him on the wall next to him. It was from their engagement party. They had gone to the nearest studio after the party ended to keep the memory alive. 

“I need to talk with Sam. So, make sure to keep the family busy for a while, yeah?” He looked away from the photo. “We’ll follow Jaehyun’s plan.”

At least for now.