Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Sora wakes up, Donald and Goofy don’t outwardly say how worried they’ve been. Goofy smoothes down his hair, cracks a joke, makes him sit down when he nearly wears a path into Yen Sid’s fancy tower floor. Donald keeps trying to refill his teacup or straighten out his clothes. Sora can see all the signs of him holding back a lecture, but he clearly has no idea what exactly to lecture him about. They're worried over something they don't want to talk about yet, and no demand for answers (Why is Riku still asleep?) gets him any results.

Learning that he’d nearly been possessed is hard, but waiting for Riku to wake up is a lot harder.

Sora doesn’t make master, which is whatever - to be honest it’s the least of his worries. Hes more relieved that no one had gotten hurt over his mistakes and even more thrilled over Riku's success. Sora just doesn’t have it in him to process anything bigger right now. Its hard to focus on Yen Sid’s lecture when he feels so sluggish; he leans more and more against Riku's shoulder as they talk, losing the thread of conversation after only a few more minutes. He can tell that Riku is upset on his behalf and wishes he wouldn’t be. He wants to talk to Riku about it – actually, he wants to talk to Riku about a lot of things, but then Axel Lea gets a keyblade, everyone else gets more cake, and Sora knows that now just isn’t the right time.

He's okay. He’ll be okay.

Later though, somewhere in between his last cup of tea, a round of good-nights, and an escort by broom to a newly magicked bed chamber, he can’t help but wonder...what would it have been like to earn a master title too? He can't imagine it the way he could before the test. His heart feels different, now, and his sense of his own vital energies and magical reserves is distant. Weak.

Sora winces and punches his pillow into submission. Riku deserves the title, of course; he's strong, capable, quick-witted, and steadfast. Sora has always looked up to him, always believed in him, even when Riku didn’t believe in himself. Hes always tried to keep up, but...no matter what he tries, the gap between them seems to grow wider and wider.

He doesn't measure up. Even Donald had said so today.

Sora bites his lip, feeling small and alone in a way that’s been creeping over him ever since he first dove into the sleeping worlds. He hadn’t realized until maybe right this minute how much he’d actually wanted to be…to be recognized as...capable. He was good at wielding, good at it in a way he had never quite been good at anything else. Failure hurt, and failure was also very familiar.

Sora is a joy to have in class. He should work a little bit more on staying in his seat and using his inside voice.

Sora works well with others. As long as he has clear guidelines he can succeed.

Sora is more than capable of success, if he will apply himself.

Below Satisfaction in core competency classes. If Sora focused more, he would easily succeed.

Sora doesn’t realize when his breath picks up, when his hands encircle his shoulders, when his knees draw up in a knot against his stomach. All he feels is a heavy pit in his chest, sparking with hurt like a raw nerve.

The thing is, Sora always felt like he was applying himself. He always gave his best. He often felt, frustratingly, like he was putting more effort into things than other people necessarily had to. And yet, so often, it seemed like when it mattered most, his performance was simply...subpar.

Below average.

Sora doesn’t realize he needs to puke until a bathroom literally poofs into existence right across from his bed. He’d almost been possessed. He hadn’t seen any way out. He's halfway to the toilet, gagging, before he tracks the tears falling into his shirt. Hovering gingerly over the rim, stomach churning, feeling his head swimming, Sora’s vision drifts like he’s caught out on the raft all over again.

Time passes strangely for a moment as Sora heaves out the remnants of too much cake and tea. He's thrown up before, of course – as a kid when he was sick and later, much more often, as a teenaged space explorer. Traveling across worlds is dangerous. Sometimes you have to try a risky meal. Sometimes your body changes right in the middle of digesting something that is suddenly no longer compatible. Some worlds killed his allergies or gave him strange bugs. He’d once thrown up after a desperate gummi battle where he’d been forced to do 5 barrel rolls in succession, spinning and spinning and spinning and -

Sora throws up again. When it seems like his stomach has no more left to give he lowers himself to the floor, pressing his forehead against the cool tile. His whole body is caked in sweat like he's run a marathon through Agrabah at midday. Despite this, he actually feels better; nausea and anxiety both passing into the back of his mind as he absentmindedly stretches out a kinked up muscle in his foot.

He gives himself ten long, long breaths before willing the tub to transform into a shower instead. The jet of water is the perfect temperature and pressure despite no visible knobs, and when he's done Sora finds that the tower has left out towels and fresh sleeping clothes, plus a toothbrush, floss, and mouthwash. Sora mutters out a thank you, polite even with no one to hear, and finishes up on autopilot.

The last thing Sora actually wants to do is sleep but no matter how he feels about it his body drags him under as soon as he trudges back to bed. Distantly, he hopes that his brain is too worn out to have any dreams. Surely, after all this, he’s all dreamed out.

He’s wrong.

Sora dreams he’s sinking through layers of water, of darkness, of sleep. In the dream, his body feels heavy and frozen; when he tries to move, his limbs simply don’t respond. Stars and lights glitter all around him, sinking and flying away as he drops. Kairi drifts into sight, shooting right past and through him. No matter how hard he tries he’s powerless to grab her hand. In the distance he can see others, all falling with him, and his heart aches. On his next blink the scene has changed, becoming blank and white. Kairi and everyone else – they’ve all disappeared.

‘You are not gonna wake up, okay?’

Sora can see tall, tall chairs all around him, knows he’s sitting in one so huge that he is dwarfed in comparison. He chokes on a rising feeling of helplessness, fighting to turn his head as the scene flickers around him again – in one moment he’s encased in glass and in another eye-blink he’s in plain chambers of marble that he doesn’t recognize. When it shifts again he feels the flutter of a curtain just beyond his ability to see, ghost-like over his knuckles. Over and over he finds himself in the chair, unable to touch the back or floor. Unable to run.

‘Sora!’

His vision keeps flickering, and Sora? Sora is scared. Terror grips him in place, white hot, freezerburn, electric, heedless of the scream buried in his throat. He can sense something lurking beyond his perception but feels utterly powerless to get away.

‘Sora, don’t chase the dreams!’

Don’t chase? Don’t chase the dreams? When has he ever been given a choice?

He wants to yell, wants to fight back, but his body just won’t respond. He's trapped, every breath coming out quicker and quicker. Move! Just move -

Sora startles awake, literally yanked straight out of his own nightmare by a hand on his shoulder. Riku’s grip is near bruising and he’s panting like he just ran the whole way up a flight of stairs. He probably had.

“Sora? You there?”

Sora feels himself blush, wild shame creeping up his collar and over his face. “I’m – yeah? I’m here.”

Riku lets go of his shoulder and rests his palms on his thighs, catching his breath, before collapsing onto the edge of the bed. Sora budges over to make room, glad its just this shade of too dark for Riku to see him avoid eye contact.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. Just a bad a dream, I think.” Sora sits up, adjusting blankets and pillows just to give himself something to do. “How could you tell?”

Riku seems to pause and Sora can hear him fiddling with something – maybe the edge of his shirt. He always needed to do something with his hands. “I could - I don't know why, but I think I could...sense you? Um. In my dream.”

He could hear him? Hear what, exactly? Riku seems to be searching in his direction and Sora gets the distinct, paranoid feeling that maybe he actually can see in the dark. For a moment, the quiet swells in the room like a tangible thing.

“Sora? Are you...sure it was just a bad dream?”

Sora doesn’t quite know how to answer that. Was it the real dream he’d had only a few hours ago where some time-defying jerk had tried to steal his body? No. He’s certain about that. Already the details of his latest nightmare are drifting away. He remembers...not being able to move...and….

“You know what? I actually don’t remember! Wasn’t great, though.”

Riku only sighs. If he suspects anything more he doesn’t say. Instead, he lightly whacks Sora in the side until Sora wordlessly scoots even further over, opening up the blanket for Riku to crawl in. Its been years since they slept in the same room, but some things you just don’t forget. Riku slides in like its just one more sleepover. This is the first time in ages Riku has wanted to be anywhere near Sora; Sora pokes him as if to check that hes real.

“Are you okay?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Riku answers roughly, his back facing Sora. Hes clearly exhausted.

“Nah. I slept through it all! You’re the one that had to do all the work today.”

Riku snorts a puff of air from his nose. Its like he hates talking about himself or getting any praise these days, something new that Sora will have to get used to.

“I...” He starts, then seems to change track. “You know, it was the craziest thing. I think I fought you somewhere down in there, but you were wearing this weird armor.”

Sora recognizes the subject change and is happy to go right along with it. “No way! Maybe Xehanort did something?”

“I don’t know. You almost kicked my ass though. I don’t think I’d've stood a chance if you were awake.”

Sora grins into the dark. “You bet! I’ll show you next time we spar.”

Riku chuckles and settles in a little more, seemingly content to go to sleep right then and there. Sora thinks about saying good night as he does the same, thinks he wants to say thank you, thinks about asking how cool he looked in armor. But he doesn’t.

For some reason he doesn’t go back to sleep either. Instead, he waits for Riku’s breathing to even out before rolling back over to stare at his back. He very nearly startles.

There, on Riku’s back, still faintly glowing through his thin sleep shirt, is a Dream Eater sigil.

And Sora knows he has a problem.

Chapter Text

Sora gets out of bed at nearly 7AM sharp, years of waking up to Donald's yelling too ingrained to ignore no matter how dark and glowy it is outside his window. Its not like he’d gone back to sleep anyway, and he was starving. Riku doesn’t stir at all, not when Sora slips out of bed and not even when he shuts the door a little too hard on his way back out of the bathroom. Riku is (was?) a notoriously light sleeper, the kind of person who tended to function on six hours and some change on a good day. He must have really gone overboard yesterday. Sora kinda realizes he’s been staring and sighs - he isn’t used to Riku anymore. The last time they’d been this close Riku had been about two feet shorter and nine times as cocky. Sora resists the impulse to adjust the covers over Riku's sleeping form and rushes out of the room.

The tower seems to know exactly what he’s looking for because after Sora wanders two floors down and sideways a broom appears from thin air to lead him into a kitchen he’s pretty sure has never been present before.

Beyond yet another star-themed door Sora finds a large, comforting room carved out of the same rough, yellow-brown stone found all over the tower. A dining table with several chairs of all different heights, styles, and colors claims the far left side while cabinets, a blue-purple fridge, and every kitchen utensil he’s ever heard of plus several he hasn’t fill out the space to the back and right. There's a center island, and its shelves are packed with books in several different languages. A pantry near the entrance magically bursts open and from within a kettle and selection of tea, loose-leaf, make a proud little acrobatic display in midair. Its delightful and cozy, but Sora’s stomach still churns a bit.

“No! Uh, sorry, I mean, no more tea, please, if that’s okay.”

The kettle hovers forward, featureless and yet somehow radiating confusion and consternation in equal measures. Sora is reminded fondly of Mrs. Potts.

“Do you have any coffee, instead?”

This seems to set things to rights and the kettle gets to work immediately. Sora watches in fascination as the tea satchels retreat, looking a tad betrayed, to be replaced with a loose bag of coffee beans that dump themselves into a grinder. Within two minutes flat the kettle is percolating happily on the stove and a star-patterned mug, decanter of cream, and sugar bowl set have clinked down gently onto the counter beside it.

Huh. Domestic magic is neat. He wonders if Donald knows any?

While the kettle does it’s thing, Sora fries eggs and toasts bread. Although its always a bit of an...adventure, Goofy is a great cook both on and off the field and a master of making a meal anywhere. He’d taught Sora a lot over time. Maybe, in a bit, he could whip up a batch of pancakes…

The kettle whistles once, sharply, then moves itself to a spare burner. He finds that it has a built in filter, and that unlike every camp coffee pot he’s ever used before not a single ground makes it into his cup. Sora nods his appreciation.

“Thank you!”

The kettle seems to jump and suddenly the spout turns away from him, more steam whistling out in a whoosh. Sora laughs – he gets the feeling that its shy.

He’s halfway through his last piece of toast when Lea stumbles in, disgruntled and shaking a broom off his bright, obviously tower-provided flame-patterned pajamas. He looks from Sora to Sora’s mug wordlessly and about jumps out of his skin when a different mug nudges into his shoulder. Lea shrugs after a moment and fills it (huh! No sugar), before collapsing three seats down the table with his head in his arms. Within moments he seems to have gone right back to sleep, mug gently bumping him to no avail.

Sora stares, bewildered (he’s spent all of five minutes with Lea, who knows if this is normal), then takes a long sip of his coffee and settles back down to think.

He’s been trying to come up with a plan, and although he has some ideas he isn’t sure any of them will work. This past week has been something of a disaster; a lot of it wasn’t his fault, but despite knowing that Sora can’t help but feel like he’s been a burden. Riku had been tired before he’d had to sprint up a flight of stairs to pull him out of another nightmare, and Sora doesn’t want to do that to him again. Sora’s been dealing with nightmares just fine all on his own this whole time, thanks, and Riku is going to have enough to deal with now without a magical ability to perceive all that.

Sora is just working out how to put his theory into action when Donald finally drags Goofy into the kitchen. He quacks out a quiet “good mornin’!” while Goofy waves and starts cooking, both of them mindful of the snoozing Lea.

Sora feels something warm and comforting fall over him at the sight, all the way down into his heart. This is the routine he’d lived with for over two years, now, and seeing it again after being on his own for what felt like several weeks settles him in a way he hadn’t known he’d needed. Donald pats his knee and hops up into the chair beside him.

“Aww. Goofy wanted to make you pancakes, Sora.”

“I’ve still got room!” Sora rushes to say, and Donald snickers before fluffing out his morning reading. He taps his chair twice absentmindedly and it seems to subtly shift upwards so that he can comfortably rest his elbows on the table. At the same time, a full mug of coffee carefully floats down to Donald’s right. Okay, Sora has got to learn how to do this stuff.

Mickey strolls in not ten minutes later, seemingly able to find his way with no escort. He pauses hopefully for just a moment, but when nothing happens he seems to give up and gets a mug down from a high cabinet himself. Although the kettle allows him to pour his own coffee, Mickey has to fetch his own creamer and the sugar bowl has hidden itself away.

Its mystifying. Does Yen Sid’s tower not like Mickey for some reason?

No matter what the reason could be, Mickey seems to take it all with high humor, shrugging like ‘well, what can you do?’ and settling in next to Donald to quietly discuss some kind of higher level spellwork Donald’s apparently been mulling over. Sora catches a few words that he doesn’t recognize, like ‘bahamut,’ and knows enough to tune it all out when its followed up with ‘flare’.

Riku is the last to arrive. Despite sleeping for several hours he still looks exhausted – Sora squashes down a half-formed guilty thought and smiles as big as he can, waving Riku over to the other seat next to him.

“Hey! Up for some pancakes?”

Riku seems to perk up at that.

“Really?” He looks cautiously over at Goofy, who has somehow managed to balance one towering plate of pancakes on his hip while he flips a fresh batch. A plate of bacon leans precariously towards the floor from the counter, and Sora watches as the dish scoots itself further back and shakes out its contents. “You uh, sure?”

“Oh yeah. Its kind of a disaster, but you don’t want to miss it when Goofy makes breakfast.”

Riku (and Lea, who nearly upends his cup before it scoots away) jumps at the sound of a crash behind him while Sora, Donald, and Mickey go right back to their mugs, utterly unaffected.

Breakfast is probably quieter than it might have been if not for, you know, but Sora still enjoys it. Riku takes one tentative bite before tucking in with gusto, surprise written all over his face. The kettle refills itself twice more and seems to pay special attention to Sora and Donald while ignoring Mickey utterly. Mickey claims its because he nearly wrecked the tower once and the magic here has never quite forgiven him. Sora sits up a little straighter at that, recognizing this story. He’d seen it, in his dreams.

Usually Sora would jump right in to the story but something holds him back. He really doesn’t want to talk about his adventure in the dreaming worlds just yet. Parts of it had been fantastic and beautiful, but other parts...not so much. If Riku remembers it too he doesn’t bring it up – he just listens, chuckling incredulously at the misadventures of a much less experienced sorcerer king.

They all jump when a quiet voice coming from seemingly all directions requests their presence in Yen Sir’s office shortly, once they’ve made themselves presentable. This time Lea really does upend his cup and it shoots off away from him with an annoyed little wobble.

“Gosh, I’ve never gotten used to that.”

All the other dishes start to clean, dry, and sort themselves back into their compartments as soon as Riku offers to clean up, so that decides that. Now the door to his room is only one floor up – Sora only notices it because it lights up with a crown emblem and dings! as soon as he gets nearby.

“The magic in this place really likes you, Sora!” Mickey observes, smiling. “I bet I walk 3 more flights and have to come back down again.”

Donald cackles a little. “Its because you never apologized to Master Yen Sid!”

“Did too!”

Sora sends them all a little wave that mostly only Riku and Goofy return as Donald starts to good-naturedly bicker back and forth with the King.

“Don’t worry! It just means I’ll have more to climb, right?”

“Gawrsh, Sora, I don’t think it works like that!”

Riku lingers behind a moment as the others depart. "Sora," He keeps his voice low. "About last night. How are you doing?"

And nooppe. There goes the happy little mood that had just been settling in. Definitely don't wanna talk about this. Sora hears himself force something laughing. "All good now! Thank you, by the way."

"Don't worry about it, Sora," Riku says carefully. He might be trying to catch Sora's eye a little more than usual. "You're always helping me."

"No you!" Sora grins just a little, pleased, and Riku finally gives up and the starts up the stairs.

The entire color scheme inside Sora's room has changed from the dark red it was yesterday to a cheerful sea green with fine wood accents. The bed is clean and remade, with all his things carefully laid out on it.

No wonder Yen Sid never left his desk. Sora bets this whole tower barely exists unless someone specifically needs it! He gets himself together quickly and races up the steps to the top tower office even though there’s no need to rush, wondering all the while how he can subtly figure out how many flights everyone else has to take. He pauses, however, right outside Yen Sid’s door, fist raised mid-knock, acutely aware that he has no idea what to say. He hadn’t even considered that it might be awkward to get here first!

The door swings open on its own before he can make a decision.

“You are welcome to come inside, Sora.”

Sora shifts from one foot to the other nervously before scooting into the room. “Uh. Good morning, Master Yen Sid!” He tacks on a small salute, belatedly, and Yen Sid nods. Ugh, normally he can follow everyone else’s social cues in a situation like this.

How do you make small talk with a possibly centuries-old wizard with eyebrows like that? Unfortunately Yen Sid seems to pick up on the thread of Sora’s thoughts because his gaze suddenly turns much more appraising. Sora becomes very busy examining the fantastic scenery outside the starry windows.

“I hope you have fared well this morning. How are you feeling?”

“You have a really neat kitchen!” Sora blurts out, which isn’t quite the question that was being asked. “I’d love to learn how you enchanted everything to work like this. It’d be so convenient!”

Yen Sid chuckles. “It has taken on a life of it’s own, a result of residing so long in this dimension. I’m afraid it would take many years for you to fold so much magic into one place.”

Sora visibly deflates, but Yen Sid continues. “However, there are some spells I could show you that may be of interest. They should be simple enough.”

Its amazing to think about, but Sora feels his mood unexpectedly sour. Two days ago he'd been casting Ga level spells without a sweat, but today his magic feels as weak as distant as he's ever felt it. Was he even capable of basic spells like this?

Sora is just thinking of how to reply when Yen Sid turns towards the door with a small smile, seeming to miss the irritated look on Sora’s face. Two knocks sound out and then it swings open once again to reveal the rest of the rescue party looking awake and ready for action.

Lea is the polar opposite from his just-awakened self. He adopts a slouch and cocky grin, shooting out a cavalier, “Yo! How's it going old man? Half-pint?”

If Yen Sid is insulted he doesn’t let on. “Good morning to you all. I thought it best that we suspend further planning until you had taken your rest. I trust that you are well?”

“Never better Master Yen Sid, sir!” Goofy and Donald complete a much more official-looking salute before taking their usual places around Sora.

Riku sidles up to Sora as well and nods. “Thank you for letting us stay here. We appreciate it.” He seems somewhat unsure of himself still, but Sora can already see the beginnings of old pride starting to shine through. He catches Sora’s eye and they share a thumbs up.

“That is well. Then without further delay let us turn to more serious matters.” Yen Sid clears his throat and the room around them seems to dim slightly.

“A grave threat to the safety of all worlds has been revealed. Sora, Riku, your trip into the realm of sleep has uncovered the bigger fight lurking behind all of Organization 13’s machinations as of late. We must take action!”

Yen Sid debriefs them on their full situation. They don’t know as much as they wish they did – just that Xehanort has found a way to come back and is trying to start an all-out war. At this time, Yen Sid doesn’t have a solid plan – or at least one he’s ready to tell them about.

“All will be revealed in time. First, Mickey and I must consider a variety of options.” He swipes a hand across his desk as though to clear his own thoughts. “Before you depart from my tower, I must ask: what is it you plan to do now?”

Lea is determined to learn how to wield straight away. Yen Sid considers him for a moment, rubbing his chin.

“If you would permit it, may I suggest you reside here a few days more? I believe I can provide you with an ample teacher and training ground given more time.”

“What, hang out in a comfy tower that does all my chores for free? Say it isn’t so!” He waves a hand in front of his face, putting on a show like its a major bummer, but Sora can tell that Lea is relieved. Weirdly, his heart gives a sharp pang. Where would Lea even go if not for here? How long had he been a nobody? He rubs a hand over his chest unconsciously. Its not like he doesn’t care about Lea, but this feels more…personal? than he expected. Maybe Roxas is a little more present when Lea’s around.

His thoughts are interrupted by King Mickey, who has a mission for Donald and Goofy. “Fellas, could ya check on Disney Castle for me? I’m going to be away longer than I thought! And uh...can ya say sorry to Minnie for me too?”

“Of course, King Mickey! I wanna see Daisy!”

“And I wanna see Maxie!” Sora has never met the infamous Max Goof; the last time he visited Disney Town Max had apparently been away on patrol, part of his duties as a knight-in-training. He has, however, seen just about every baby picture Goofy has on him. Its made Sora very thankful he grew up on an island with little to no access to handheld photography.

They both look excited as they turn to Sora. “Sora, do ya wanna come with us?”

Oh, uh, he hasn’t actually thought this part through! “Actually I…have a few errands to run myself!” Sora isn’t at all sure how to explain what he has in mind, and in fact doesn’t want to talk about anything until he knows whether or not it will work. If it doesn’t, no one will have to know.

Riku looks surprised. “Really? Where to?”

“Its...actually a secret!” Sora sticks his tongue out. If Yen Sid gets to be all mysterious then so does he!

“Hey! It isn’t like you not to tell me what's going on.” He says, eyebrows raised in suspicion, grabbing at him in an attempted noogie. “What are you up to?”

Sora dodges out of the way and shoves his fingers into Riku’s side in retaliation, right where he’s most ticklish. Riku slaps his hand away immediately, stifling a gasp. “Wouldn’t you like to know!”

Strangely, Riku looks worried. He hasn’t quite let go of Sora’s hand and his gaze cuts across his features as though he can pluck the answer right out of Sora’s brain. “Are you sure I can’t come with you? I don’t have any plans.”

Sora swipes his bangs out of the way. He suddenly wants Riku to come with him so bad it physically hurts. He’s been wanting to travel with Riku forever; maybe he could come after all – he could even help him test -

“Actually, Master Riku,” says Yen Sid, and Sora closes his mouth with a little click. “I do believe I have a mission for you, if you are up for the task.”

Sora actually watches in real time as Riku schools his expression into something more resigned, more professional. Oh.

“...of course, Master Yen Sid. What did you have in mind?”

The meeting adjourns shortly after, Sora spending the remainder of it schooling his features into something more respectful than he feels. Although Sora’s friends try to cajole him into sharing his plans a couple more times, he won’t say anything more. Sora hates to hide anything from them, but in fairness he himself doesn’t really know what he’s planning to do. Its pointless to think he can really keep anything from Riku, though; if he doesn’t go ahead and leave, he’ll break and tell Riku everything.

Riku, Goofy, and Donald stick by his side the whole time Sora restocks. All three of them hover over him, trying to stick extra ethers or hi-potions into his pockets and reminding him to bring snacks.

“I know guys, I know! I can take care of myself, believe it or not!” He laughs, feigning irritation, but does accept a Cosmic Chain from Goofy. “I don’t think I can carry anymore!”

“Waak! We just want you to be prepared, Sora! You know how forgetful you are!”

Sora turns a bit red. “I got it, I got it! Thanks, you guys.” He threads the chain through a couple of belt loops and finally makes his way down and out of the tower to finish up his good-byes. He gets a vaguely parental hug from Donald and Goofy each and waves to Riku and Mickey.

“Be careful!”

“Very careful.”

“Right.” Sora flashes a smile, hoping and hoping this will work and that the next time he sees them everything will be better. “See you soon!”

His keyblade already knows exactly where to take him, it seems, because Sora isn’t sure exactly where he’s going himself – he simply follows a slow, sleepy tug on his heart until memories of Traverse Town flood into his mind. This world makes the most sense to try first when he thinks about it – Traverse Town fades in and out based on need, existing everywhere but only accessible to the lost or wandering. Being there always feels like you’re hovering in the hour right before you head to bed after a full day of travel, tired but content. A lot of his memories here aren’t exactly happy.

Sora isn’t sure if any Dream Eaters will or even can respond, at first. They aren’t anywhere in sight when he arrives. When he reaches out, though, he can sense them hovering just outside his perception. It probably helps that he’s getting pretty sleepy after staying up almost all night. As dependable as they are, Dream Eaters are also playful and childlike – Sora can bet that they want this to be a game. He searches around the main square placidly, feigning cluelessness, investigating all the nooks and crannies he hasn’t had a chance to explore since his first adventure. He plays like its hide-and-seek, every so often almost flushing one out before pretending to lose track.

Even with the now-Restoration Committee gone, there are traces of them all over. Leon had scorched the side of the accessory shop the first time he’d fought Sora, something Cid had absolutely reamed him for later on. That had gone a long way for Sora back then, when he hadn’t known who to trust. Sora should really visit them soon, he misses them. He wonders how that whole thing with Cloud turned out...

Back behind the triplet’s weapon shop Sora discovers the spot where he’d first met Pluto. Its a lot more dim in this back alley, the hum of electric lighting fading away behind him as he searches around a large crate. Immediately, his Meow Wow bursts out from behind it, pretending to try and escape before Sora can catch him. Sora just barely manages to tackle him around the middle and Meow Wow wiggles happily before covering Sora’s chin in slobbery kisses. Suddenly all of the Dream Eaters that have been hovering around out of sight surround him, not only his but also Riku’s, each of them vying to get his attention. He settles against the bouncy, doll-plush belly of a Kooma Panda and relaxes. They’re all too light and just-this-side of not present to do him any harm. For a while he lets himself be passed around like a new toy, laughing when a Hebby Repp and Tatsu Steed launch him into a Ryu Dragon . He doesn’t have any treats or games for them while he’s awake, but he still remembers all the right spots to give scritches.

According to Xehanort, his whole life had been planned for him; he’d been targeted from the very beginning and even then only as a back-up. How messed up was it, to feel hurt that he wasn't even a primary empty shell? Sora usually tried to think positive, but it was difficult, and growing more so in recent years, to focus on the bright side when so many painful things kept happening to him.

Before the island had fallen to darkness, Sora had felt more and more than he was growing apart from Riku. He and Kairi had both felt it. Riku had grown less kind and more aggressive; their competitions stopped feeling playful and had started feeling like they had real stakes. Sora hadn’t exactly reacted well – the hurt had made him defensive and he’d thought at the time that winning might get Riku to listen. Kairi had often been caught in the middle of their fights. Later, nothing had hurt quite like finally finding Riku again only for him to disappear, insult him, or outright attack him. The following years of fighting and searching with no relief hadn’t helped things. He would do anything to help Riku, would do anything to make sure he was okay, but so often there just hadn’t been anything he could tangibly do.

It made him feel like a failure, and, often, it made him angry. It was getting better, now – their talk in the Realm of Darkness had gone a long way – but they had changed a lot in their time apart. Their relationship now was careful, and, at times, awkward. For a relationship that Sora can’t remember ever not having, so much seems new. There’s no doubt in his mind that he, Kairi, and Riku will eventually be okay again - its just getting there that’s hard.

Eventually, Sora becomes more and more aware of an increasingly heavy weight pressing down on his sternum. He’s been daydreaming without realizing it. He opens his eyes to find that Meow Wow has cuddled into his chest like a particular chunky cat. He’s much more solid than he’d first been when Sora had caught him before. Even the powerful Aura Lion rumbling behind Sora’s back doesn’t feel so real and warm.

“Hey there, buddy.”

Meow Wow’s stubby little tail goes nuts as usual, but it seems aware that something isn’t quite right.

“Do you...can you tell? What's going on with me? I think I need help but I’m not sure what to do.” Sora sinks a hand into his hair, pulling at his spikes a little to calm his anxiety. “I don’t want – every time, I go to sleep and something happens. I can’t even remember some of it! People keep getting hurt!”

Meow Wow inches forward and licks a track of tears right off his cheek and Sora gives a little hiccup. Riku’s Komory Bat cuddles into his neck, chirping sadly.

“I just want. I don’t know what I want! But I can’t keep doing this. I just got Riku back!”

Sora hugs Meow Wow around the middle, pressing his face into it’s soft fur, and cries in a way he hasn’t let himself do in years. He isn’t aware of how the other Dream Eaters seem to droop, almost pained, before pressing back in to offer their support. Meow Wow seems strangely still.

Eventually Sora pulls in a huge gulp of air and breathes it all out at once like a balloon. Dream Eaters thrive on positive emotion and he didn’t come here just to bum them all out. “I’m sorry, you guys, I - ”

Meow Wow puts a paw on his chin, stopping him, and looks right into his eyes. It’s normally vacant, happy little stare seems strangely focused. Without warning it’s eyes close and it leans into Sora, pressing right against his heart.

For a second nothing happens. All Sora can feel is Meow Wow’s cold little nose contrasting weirdly with it’s warm breath. It makes a strange little sound, almost like a whine, and something in Sora’s heart twists and wrenches. Meow Wow, along with every other Dream Eater, disappears in a sparkle of multi-colored light. Sora nearly whacks his head on the pavement when his make-do backrest vanishes, only just managing to pop up into a sitting position instead.

“No -”

Something solid and metallic slides off his chest and clatters onto the cobblestones beneath him. Sora scrubs his remaining tears away and reaches for it, turning a circle of metal over until he can see it clearly. Its some kind of charm, small and made out of a bluish, silvery metal that gleams unnaturally like mythril dipped in oil. On one side is a likeness of Meow Wow while the other displays an inlaid Dream Eater emblem. A delicate chain interlaced with tiny stars loops through the top and when he tests it out between two fingers it feels much stronger than it looks.

Sora sucks in a breath, forcing an almost-sob back down his throat.

He thinks...that whatever he asked for, it might have worked.

He’s outright giddy at the potential success, feeling a little pop of excitement bubble up into his chest. Sora tucks the charm into a pocket inside his jacket, keeping it right over his heart as much as possible. He’s a little unsteady when he rises, so he digs out a potion and then an ether for good measure, downing both at once. It...tastes.

Time has always passed a bit weird in Traverse Town, even when it was awake, so Sora opts to head back to the Tower rather than claim his old hotel room for the night. He dives with enthusiasm, feeling...energized, revitalized, not at all like he’d been crying into Meow Wow’s fur ten minutes ago. This is a great sign! The charm could already be working!

He touches back down on the grass just outside Yen Sid’s tower with excitement. Its late. Sora has no idea if he’s arrived back the same day he left or the next, but no one really seems to be around so he climbs until he reaches his crown-emblem door. The inside has changed once again, now an electric blue with pink accents.

He’s not sure exactly what he’ll say to any of the others – he doesn’t know if or how the charm he’s been given works yet, after all. Maybe, for now, he’d rather keep this to himself.

What Sora does know, however, is that when he goes to bed that night he doesn’t have a single nightmare. Not one.

Chapter Text

The next few days are a string of what Sora would call Good Days. He eats well, attempts a halfway decent sleep schedule, and Yen Sid even teaches him a few tiny housekeeping spells. Mostly, he doesn't think about the exam. Contemplating a near possession and its consequences feels beyond him, just now, when downtime with Riku is a possibility for the first time in nearly two years. Whatever mission Yen Sid has for him, it seems not to involve Riku leaving immediately.  Sora finds himself spending so much time with Riku that he starts to feel embarrassed about it - until he tries to give Riku a break and Riku seeks him out on his own.

Sora's halfway through rolling out some cookie dough when Riku peeks into the kitchen, immediately hovering over Sora’s shoulder to snoop. “Since when do you know how to cook?”

“I’ve been cooking for ages!” Sora pauses to smack Riku’s fingers away from where he’d been sneakily pinching off dough, leaving a smear of mess behind. “Wait until they’re done!”

Riku shakes out his hand in mock hurt, chuckling. “Sure thing, chef.”

Sora sticks his tongue out at him in response before flipping over a teacup to use as a cutter. A drawer bursts open, checking Sora lightly in the hip, and a swarm of little cookie cutters fly out onto the counter to start stamping their shapes into the dough. Sora spots a little wizard hat among them. “I thought Keyblade Masters were supposed to be patient.” He sasses as the cutters wait patiently for Sora to roll the spare dough back out again.

When he gets no reply, Sora turns to see that Riku has gone pink at the reminder. Its so unlike the Riku he remembers – before, Riku would have gloated at least a little bit. He was used to being the best at everything and winning had seemed like a foregone conclusion. Now, Riku looks like he can’t believe he’d even gotten to take the test at all.

Sora lets Riku eat his share of the cookies, poking fun at the way the sugar crystal sprinkles change his tongue to different colors every few seconds.

They train some, finding it weirdly easier than talking some days. Sora gets worn out much sooner than normal. He expects to feel sad or frustrated when this happens, but he tells himself that its better than waking up a year older in a whole new body. At least this time he remembers what happened! If Riku notices that Sora is weaker than he should be, he doesn’t mention it; just asks him about his different keychains or spells. Even when Donald and Goofy make it back in time to practice with them, he listens politely to their explanations on team attacks or castle battle strategy and only rolls his eyes where just Sora can see him.

Lea trains too, determined to learn how to fight with his new keyblade, but otherwise only shows up for the occasional mealtime, mentioning that he hasn't had a vacation in ages. "I'm using it to get some shut-eye."

Sora gets several nights straight free of nightmares. He isn’t sure whether to chalk this up to sleeping in a real bed for the first time in ages, Riku’s continued presence in his room, or the effect of whatever magic his Meow Wow Medal might have. After that first night Riku shows no inclination to return to his own space, following Sora up (down?) to his room after dinner as though it were the most natural choice. Sora’s room has already conjured a bed for him when they arrive, magically extending the size of the room just to the point where it feels cozy. Its thrilling, and Sora treats the whole thing like an extended sleepover. They haven’t had one of those since Riku turned 13 and started behaving like he was too old for that kind of thing. Riku seems to have changed his opinion on the matter entirely in the years since, happily throwing covers over their heads to read by flashlight or stay up late eating snacks and talking gossip about the various worlds they’d visited in common. Riku doesnt seem to mind if Sora is touchy feeley, either, another welcome change.

One week goes by in this way. Sora knows that their break is extremely temporary, but when Riku and Mickey are eventually sent out on their new mission to the Realm of Darkness Sora is surprised at the way his heart twists. He stays sitting out on the lawn long enough after their good-bye that his butt hurts, staring up at the spot the King’s little gummiship had twinkled out of sight until the stars blur.

Getting a gummiphone makes the whole affair a million times easier though. Now, Sora doesn't have to worry about searching the vastness of space to contact his friends - somehow, many and more of them are suddenly immediately reachable with the press of a button! Learning to message his friends is a slow, tentative process - he spends a lot of time thinking about what his life could have been like if he'd been able to do so even a year ago. For one thing, going on another world hopping trip to save the galaxy is far less daunting with messages from Riku, Kairi, and many other friends waiting for him in his pocket.

Yen Sid ships him out with Donald and Goofy one week after Riku and the King leave. Sora thinks the old wizard is a little tired of them being underfoot – in Riku’s absence Sora had been pestering the venerable old sorcerer for more magic lessons while Donald jealously listened in, under the guise of scolding him for his lack of respect. Even the tower seems excited, packing Sora’s suitcase all on its own and making neat little to-go breakfasts that stay piping hot until they’re eaten.

>>[Sora] posts: Off to visit Herc! #juniorheroes<< posts to the gummiphone public network with a little ping!

>>[Mickey] replied: Good luck out there! <<

>>[Aerith] replied: Try the moussaka. I hear it’s delicious! <<

Careening around Thebes is familiar, at least - though Sora wishes he could visit when the town was a little calmer. Its good to get out and explore again, but less good is the way his body feels through it all. No amount of mental coaching seems to convince Sora's brain that where his body was a month ago is no longer where it is now. He's slow and clumsy, like a long-underused muscle, and he grows sore and tense as the fighting wears on. Worse is his spellcasting - his once robust magical reservoirs are downright pitiful, and he keeps blowing through them on instinct. Many of his spells are inaccessible. Fights feel like wading through sludge inside and out, especially after the ease of the dream world.

Its as much a blow to his esteem as it is his energy, and Goofy and Donald share a glance or two they think he doesn't notice when the latest scrape leaves him bent over, hands on his knees, gasping for breath. They don't have time to stop, of course - Thebes is literally on fire and Hercules needs them. Sora takes a huge gulp of air and tries to pretend he doesn't feel like he's been walloped by a Hot Rod.

On instinct, he reaches up to fiddle with his necklace and his hand knocks into the medal carefully pinned inside his vest. He's worn it constantly ever since Meow Wow gave it to him, mentally adding it to his small collection of tokens like Kairi's charm. Looking at it makes him feel calm, but so far he’s kept its existence to himself; its private for some reason. Explaining who or what Meow Wow is or why he's here feels impossible, mostly because Sora doesn't quite understand it himself yet. He would much rather focus on figuring out how to climb the next roof! Maybe that burning column?

Before he can contemplate his options too hard, he takes another blow to his ego when Maleficent and her flunky Pete show up.

Other people can tell, Sora grumbles to himself. Hes starting to wonder what it says about his life that someone like Maleficent apparently knows him well enough to spot the difference between him now and him before. Does he have a sign on his forehead or something? That's fine! He'll show them all. Give him enough time and he'll have twice the skill as before!

It turns out to be true. Every world visited, every villain taken down, every challenge navigated sees Sora grow a little more into his power again. Sora pushes his body and magic relentlessly, forcing both to the absolute limit in order to meet the suddenly overwhelming pressure of an impending war. There’s room to fail in a way there hadn’t really been room for before. At every turn he feels the pressure to be better build, and build, and build, and even when his friends point out just how far he still has left to go he takes it in stride because honestly they're right. He wasn't chosen by the keyblade in the way they all were, and hard work and luck are the only things keeping him here among their ranks.

In retrospect, not having been named a master is a huge relief. He knows that it isn’t really about who is technically better – it was about who was more ready for the responsibility. Sora would do anything for his friends, has literally ripped himself apart for them, but being responsible for the safety of all the worlds all the time is another thing entirely. Yen Sid was right – he just wasn’t ready for that. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be ready for that. It had taken a whole new journey – had taken Xigbar, really – to come to terms with it.

Sora had known, when he was younger, that there wasn’t anything particularly special about him. He wasn’t the best at fighting, or the best at school, or the best at swimming, or the best at….well, the point being was that Sora was surrounded by a lot of extraordinary people. He had been okay with that, and these days he mostly just feels pride at all the amazing people he gets to know.

Master Aqua turns out to be one of these people herself. She’s every inch the type of person Sora imagines masters must be, and the possibility that he could join her ranks seems a little silly in comparison. She and Riku look regal, next to each other, as they meet for a briefing at the tower for the first time in weeks. Riku and Mickey are haggard but in high spirits; Aqua is a different story altogether.

Her energy is chaotic and restless, despite how well she tries to hold herself. From what Sora can tell, she’s spent ten years alone in the dark and has returned to the Realm of Light only to discover that neither of her closest friends are safe and one of them is missing entirely. Sora aches for her. Shes poised, like a dancer; every movement is graceful as she tosses her head back. She won’t listen to any suggestions that she take some rest.

“Thank you for all your help so far, but I must go wake Ven! He’s waited long enough.”

Right. About that. Sora shares a look with Goofy and Donald before nodding. “Actually…” He starts, feeling awkward as everyone in the room turns to stare at him. “Ven is right here.” He places his hand over his chest.

The others are clearly surprised. Sora catches Riku’s eyebrows knitting together in concern as Aqua takes a few steps in Sora’s direction, giving him her full attention. Even Yen Sid seems taken aback.

“Sora, please explain. What happened?”

“In Monstropolis, we met someone named Vanitas.” Aqua startles badly, losing some of that poise as her teeth grit.

“You fought him?” She practically growls.

Sora laughs, remembering the way Sully had taken Vanitas by surprise. “We didn’t have to. Our friends there took care of him. Wish I could have seen his face, he sounded pi-“ Sora cuts himself off as Goofy knocks into his shoulder with no subtlety. “Anyway! Before all that, he said Ventus has been hiding in my heart. I didn’t know anything about it.” Sora pauses, unconsciously rubbing at the scar over his heart and frowning. That had hurt. “He tried to pull him out but didn’t get the chance.” Sora looks up to face Aqua fully; Shes exhausted, but her eyes are full of tentative hope. “I felt Ventus, Aqua. He’s here, or at least his heart is. I think he's been trying to find you too.”

Aqua thinks it over, searching Sora's face before seeming to come to a decision. She reaches out a hand suddenly, stopping just shy of Sora’s head.

“May I?”

Sora nods immediately, not at all sure what she wants but desperate to see the lines of sadness sunk in all over her ease somehow.

He still flinches slightly when her hand lands in his hair. “…Ven?” She calls softly, her voice trembling.

Her hand moves back and forth through Sora’s hair, comforting, in a way Sora hasn’t experienced since the last time he saw his mother. Within him, suddenly, sadness and worry bloom; he really, really misses her. Sora rocks back on his heels, the feeling of loss growing stronger until, unbidden, his mouth opens of its own accord. Faintly, a voice spills out that is not his own. “Aqua!” The keyblade master immediately gathers Sora into her arms, sobbing - which is good because the emotional backlash is intense, here and then gone just as quickly. They nearly slump to the floor together. If that had been Ven, and it must have, he had faded away nearly as soon as he’d spoken. Sora groans, putting a hand to his forehead and trying to suppress a shiver. Ven hadn’t felt like an invading presence exactly but having his body puppeted that way was uncomfortable in more ways than one. He has a raging headache.

“Golly! Guess there's our answer.” Mickey looks pleased as Aqua stands back, taking a moment to steady them both.

“Indeed, Mickey. We must free Ventus and return his heart.” Yen Sid’s gaze sharpens. “Sora, have you had any success developing the Power of Waking? Now is the time.”

Still staving off the after-effects of friendly possession, Sora nervously wipes his hands down the front of his jacket. “I uh…figured I’d just play it by heart to be honest. Maybe it’ll know what to do when its time?”

Yen Sid sighs, long suffering. “Your instincts have gotten you far, this cannot be denied. I thank you, for finding Ventus. But!” he slaps his hand firmly against the wood grain of his desk. “We must take this matter seriously. All 7 lights must be gathered if we have any hope of defeating Xehanort.”

Sora flushes, his shoulders creeping towards his ears.

“Yeah Sora! You can’t goof off this time.” Donald jokes from his right. It falls flat. Maybe it was the lingering emotional whiplash but Sora feels his temper unexpectedly flare, bright and hot, until hes forced to stare just over Yen Sid’s shoulder. Hasn’t he already been taking this all seriously? What exactly do they think hes been doing? He grits his teeth into what he hopes is a serious expression.

"Yes, sir.”

“All of you are in danger because of my choices.” Aqua begins, having composed herself while they spoke. “I can’t keep letting people suffer over my mistakes. Let me go to his body and bring him back here.”

The suggestion is immediately vetoed, Aqua unwilling to argue with every warrior present when her fatigue is so obvious. She is convinced to take a single night of rest and let Sora, Donald, and Goofy accompany her in the morning to at least retrieve Ven’s body if not restore him fully on the spot. All through dinner, Aqua gives Sora special attention despite herself. Sora catches her lost in thought, gazing at his face, spoon halfway to her mouth. Shes out of practice with eating entirely, something that might have been hilarious in other circumstances.

He tries not to let it rankle him. He gets it, really he does – but hes sick and tired of people looking at him and hoping to see someone else. He stays light-hearted and cheerful throughout the entire meal, making extra sure to rocket peas into Donald’s feathers when he isn't looking, but retires early; its easy to get away with, because Aqua really is anxious to get an early start.  Sora pulls out his phone to shoot Kairi a small update and ask about her day before neatly stacking his dishes.

Just as he had months ago now, Riku follows Sora back to his – their? - room. It might be Sora’s imagination, but his Meow-Wow medal is hot against his side. Hes feeling cranky and tired, muscles screaming for rest. All Sora wants is a shower and a good long night of sleep.

Riku seems to have other ideas. As soon as the door clicks shut behind him, he turns with an expectant look on his face.

“So, do you wanna talk about what all of that was?” Sora cocks a hip, wrong-footed and genuinely confused.

“Come again?”

“All of that.” Riku waves a hand through the air to indicate ‘that’. “The ‘yes, sirs’ and the smiling. I can tell you're mad.”

Sora shakes his head, smile already on his face, but he knows it comes out shaky. “Mad? Riku, I’m not mad!”

Riku shrugs, nonplussed. “You can tell yourself that, and you can sure tell everyone else that, if you want. But I know you, Sora. I know you’re mad. Somethings bothering you.”

His annoyance spikes again, but Sora cant tell why. He wants to be done with this conversation. “Its just…its just been a long day.” He sucks in a breath, surprised to find his eyes have welled with tears. He might truly be developing a migraine. Riku startles a little, like he hadn’t expected this reaction. He probably hadn’t. Immediately he reaches out to put a hand on Sora’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m sorry. You’re right. It really isn’t my business. Ignore me. Just…” Riku ducks his head, seeming embarrassed. “You would tell me if somethings wrong, right?”

Sora scrubs his eyes with the heel of his hand, past feeling shame when hes this tired. It really has been a long day.

“No, yeah, of course!” He lies. Ready for a change of subject, Sora rifles through his pockets, finally pulling out a somewhat tattered poster. “Listen, do you remember that toy world? I grabbed this to show you.”

Riku ignores the obvious segue, probably just as ready to move on as Sora is. He takes the poster, which is a dashing composition of purples shading out a handsome game protagonist hovering moodily under a flashy logo.

“Verum Rex?”

“Yeah.” Sora chuckles. “All the toys kept going on about how cool this guy is, but he just looks like you to me. Well, aside from the eyes.” Sora briefly peers into Riku’s glass-green eyes but looks back to his poster so quickly he doesn’t see the way a blush springs across Riku's face, or notice the lingering hand on his shoulder.

He goes on, for a moment, about a silly argument he and Rex had had about which one of them was cooler; Sora had loyally argued in Riku’s favor the whole time.  When he looks up again in the middle of his nervous rambling, worried mostly about making sure that Riku isn’t too mad, Riku is a lot closer than he was before.

Time seems to slow. Faintly, Sora wonders what’s going on. His brain doesn’t seem to be working right. Riku is leaning closer and closer into his personal space, seeming out of it, gazing into Sora’s eyes like he…Sora can’t finish the thought. His brain screeches to a halt when Riku closes his eyes and the distance between them entirely to press his lips against Sora’s own.

A million lights zip up and down Sora’s spine at the sensation before crashing, all at once, to the floor in pieces.

He can feel Riku waiting for him to react, waiting for him to do something, but Sora can’t. Hes frozen. He feels numb.

A painfully awkward moment passes before Riku pulls away. Sora has never seen him look this nervous before. Riku is excited, and scared, red up to the roots of his hair and breathing just a little too fast. As soon as he catches sight of Sora’s face though, his expression drops and shutters.

“Oh.” He says. Just Oh. Sora guesses he wouldn’t be all that articulate either if his heart were breaking.

Another second passes as Riku stares into his eyes, and for the second time today Sora realizes that hes disappointed someone.

Riku turns abruptly, gathering the small items the tower has provided him for sleeping. Hes all business again, but his hands are shaking and curling into fists over and over.

Sora doesn’t know what to say, but he tries anyway.

“….Riku, I…” His voice sounds weak, flimsy, and it trails away into nothing. Riku doesn’t let him finish anyway.

"King Mickey and I have to go check in on some things in Radiant Garden tomorrow. After, we’re returning to Disney Castle. I’ll see you in a few days, Sora.”

“…wait, please, I-“ Soras crying for real now. His throat is so tight it feels like its on fire. Riku doesn’t answer. He pauses just before walking out the door, but seems to have nothing else to say. Its as though he can’t stand to spend even one more minute with Sora.  The door shuts with a firm clunk behind him.

In the morning, after a night of restless tossing and turning, Sora studies his expression in the mirror dully. His eyes are puffy and red, so he splashes cold water against them until they look a little less irritated.  He doesn't get the chance to see Riku at all; when he checks his phone, Riku has sent him one private message before setting his status to busy.

>>[Riku] posts: I’m sorry.<<

Sora flies the Gummi ship that morning, wanting to have something to do rather than stare at Riku's message. Its much easier to focus on Aqua's careful directions; shes never flown like this before and is fascinated with the process. Sora keeps up a steady stream of chitchat, promising to teach her how to build one when they have time. By the time they land, he's simmered slowly into anger despite his best intentions. A week? Two? Is this how long it takes for him to lose Riku all over again? Is it always going to be this way, Riku three steps ahead and disappointed that Sora will never keep up? They've barely known each other for almost three years, but Riku wants to kiss him? Donald and Goofy seem to mistake his sullen mood for unease; none of them remember being in Castle Oblivion but that doesn't stop the sense of disquiet they all feel being back. It's a relief for it to be banished. Less welcome is Vanitas, who dismisses them entirely except to be insulting. Sora's still angry, and getting angrier; loss, sorrow, and confusion well within him with no good outlet - Aqua's barrier just won't come down, even when she seems to be on the losing end of the fight. There's nothing he can do, even though hes been training so hard. Without warning, Sora feels a strange knock on his heart, gentle and resolved. Ventus is speaking to him again. Hes clearer than hes ever been and he knows what to do. Somehow, Ventus understands how to help. Watching him reunite with Aqua settles him a little. He hopes they can all work these things out.

On the flight back Ventus and Sora discover they get on like a house on fire; turns out, Ventus has been with him for nearly his entire life.  "Uh, don't worry, though, Sora!" Ventus says, nervously figeting. "I was asleep. I think I only ever saw little bits and pieces." Ventus sticks close by, a comforting prescence, and the tower grows a room for him right across from Sora's door.

Sora barely sees Riku again, and only gets back the occasional short answer when he messages. Sora can tell that his temper is fraying. Hes so tired of life pulling them apart. He wants to believe, as he always has, that things can get better. They've overcome so much together! But again, Sora has failed where he was needed most. Again, he doesn't understand Riku. Hes just as behind as he has always been, unable to catch up or make it right.

Goofy and Donald clearly know Soras upset. They pester him to talk about whats bothering him, but whatever thing is weighing on his heart Sora isn’t allowed to feel it. They really don’t have time – suddenly, a war is right on top of them. When Kairi hands Sora a paopu, he can see Riku staring at him from down the beach. Everything has felt so numb, except for the fear. Theres so much of it, and Sora just can’t stand to disappoint one more person. He takes the paopu.

In the end it doesn't help.  When they really, really need him, Sora disappoints them all. They're taken, lost inside a swirling demon tower of heartless and darkness.

Each loss startles abrupt physical pain in Sora's chest, familiar and horrifying. He can't catch his breath - Riku swims into his vision, eyes wide and shouting, but Sora can't stand to see the desperation in his eyes.

He claws at his chest, trying to hold on to the draining presence of his friends, feeling all their links disappear and go out like stars. Hes nearly insensate. "Without them..." He gasps. "I'm worthless."

Through the haze, Sora can barely see Riku clench his fist. He rises and walks away.

Run. Sora tells him, not sure if it makes it past his aching throat. He's shouted himself hoarse.

Riku doesn't run anyhow, stalking towards the demon tower in a final, deadly march.

Through the distance, Riku turns and finally meets Sora's eyes. They're so green they seem to pierce through all the darkness at once. Without warning, Riku turns and thrusts his keyblade forward into the mass of heartless, yelling, and Sora is yelling too - there's light all around Riku, shining in violets, blues, a meteor blazing brilliant defiance against everything in its path.

It isn’t enough.

Pain tears through Sora’s heart so deeply hes sure its ripped in two. He takes an instinctual dive, the descent of Riku's heart into the darkness lighting a path for him to follow.

He’s utterly senseless, thinking nothing of the power of waking or Xehanort or even the safety of the worlds. He chases his friends into death as fast as he can, demanding their hearts back by force, breaking himself apart inch by inch until each heart is shuttled back into the light.

I'm nothing, I'm nothing, I'm nothing. Every battle with the Lich drains his energy like a collapsing star.

Inside his jacket, the Meow Wow medal slowly starts to smoke.

Chapter Text

Ugh. Sora pauses, putting a hand to his forehead. All the sudden he feels horrible, like he’s run for miles with no rest. His magic flutters through his system; he’s too nauseous for a cure to help. Sora digs an elixir out of his pocket with one hand, swishing half of it around to spit grit out from between his teeth. He chugs the remaining half, wincing at the way the sloshy, overly sweet concoction slides down his sore throat. The others have already gone on ahead, but Ventus pauses to check on him. Despite how rough he feels, he sends an encouraging thumbs up his way. No time for this. Gotta keep it together.

The next few hours fly by without solid thought. He reacts. He aches. Surprises himself that he’s upright, magic spearing out of him in a 1 2 punch.

There are moments of triumphant joy, dotted along the battlefield. He doesn’t stop. His heart goes open, and for the first time he understands what it is to feel alone.

It aches. The darkness is everywhere. It's too much. He reacts. Rage. Rage. Rage for the man he can't yield in front of. Rage for the man who caused everything who started a war who possessed Riku who hurt Kairi who hurt everyone and tore Sora apart, who put this hurt inside him.

This keyblade is an insult.

All this suffering, this stupid clash of light and dark, for what?

It falls like a stone into his throat, slams against his spine, a discordant clang, and shatters into starlight to rest within his heart no matter what he says about it. Guess he finally got his ceremony. He doesn't want it.

Kairi is gone. He doesn't want that, either.

He reacts.

And

something

cracks

-

When they make it back, days or hours later, the first thing Sora feels is warm, late sunshine. Theres a cool breeze. Rough bark beneath him, and the sound of waves. A whiplash of peace. So many of the people he knows and loves are here, whole and together, right behind him on the beach. He can feel the light of their heartlinks stretching out to tether him back to reality. Kairi’s whole face opens with a smile and she takes his hand.

“We’re back!”

“We’re home.” He replies - and keels right off the tree.

-

He is, has always been, a vivid dreamer. His mom was fond of telling him that he’d been hard to settle – he slept poorly at night and napped at odd times throughout the day even when he was little. He had strange dreams, and as he grew up his dreams grew stranger. He never really remembered them, but he often woke with a sense of unease.

After the storm, after his first time waking up in a new world, he starts having nightmares. No one likes to wake up someplace strange without knowing where they are or how they got there.

One day, Sora goes to sleep in a field and wakes up in a whole new body. Suddenly, everything is too tight, and his voice is different, and he feels just plain out of sorts in his own skin.

He’d missed out on a whole year of his life. He has no idea why.

It had been…it was…it didn’t bear thinking about. He doesn’t want to dwell on it.

It’s hard to sleep from then on, and there are nights his dreams make him jolt awake, shaking and sweating and definitely not calling out and certainly not covering up a sob. Whenever Sora wakes from dreams like that he spends long moments swallowing hard, remembering to just breathe.

What would it be like to just go to sleep and never wake up? He nearly finds out. Sora grows into the habit of checking his phone right away, paranoid about how much time has passed. He kind of starts to hate sleeping.

If his friends notice, and he’s sure they do, they don’t say anything; Sora guesses that even he is entitled to a few personal demons. Or, more likely, they’re waiting for him to be ready to talk about it. It’s one of the endless reasons he loves them so much.

This time Sora wakes up and instinctively searches for his phone. He blinks blearily at the screen – its dead - until he recognizes where he is and collapses back against a pillow. His personal bunk in the Gummi Ship is decorated with a cacophony of knick-knacks and collectibles from years of travel, tentatively organized. Here is a small collection of books, some simple or childlike and some elaborate, a few in languages Sora can’t read but all full of beautiful pictures. Hanging from the bunk above and along the ship wall are flags, fliers, posters, postcards, letters, brick-a-brack; Sora has used various pillows and stuffed animals to line the wall as well, trying to avoid brushing up against the cold metal at night. Under his bunk, he knows, is a carefully organized and catalogued trunk of personal supplies. This isn’t the first time he’s unexpectedly woken up here, and it won’t be the last. Its familiar and comfortable – he can imagine that Donald is flying the ship home right now, arguing over some small detail with Goofy. They’re probably worried about him.

Sora presses himself into his mattress, letting it ground him. Kairi is okay. Ventus, Aqua, and Terra are reunited. He’s finally, finally freed Roxas, and Xion too! Lea must be so relieved. Hopefully Namine is okay?

Riku is…fine? And… Xehanort is dead.

Sora’s hand drifts over his heart, where he can feel the X-blade resting alongside the familiar presence of his Kingdom Key. Everything had happened so fast! In his mind, the highs and lows are polarizing – overshadowed with the moment he’d felt Kairi’s link rip free from his heart. Unbidden, the sight of her suspended in air, helpless against attack, shattering apart, rises to his mind. All to make the weapon that now sits within him. He gags. He doesn’t want it.

Unwilling to consider it any further, Sora swings his legs out and gets up, even though every muscle protests the movement. He wants to know how long they were away, and he wants to see Kairi and make sure she’s okay. Everything else can wait.

As it turns out, Roxas of all people is at the wheel, being carefully tutored (i.e., nagged) by Donald. Hes apparently taking it very seriously because even as Xion enthusiastically greets Sora, Roxas only glances away from his route for a second before swiftly correcting.

Sora is immediately folded into a hug by Goofy, which threatens, as usual, to squeeze the air right out of him. Well used to this treatment, Sora pats Goofy on the back until his sobs subside. He might be a little teary himself.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, Sora!”

“Me too!” Calls Donald. In the reflection of the cockpit’s glass, he makes brief eye contact. He looks stern, a moody little frown in his beak making it clear he has one or two things to say.

“I bet you want to know where everyone is.”

Sora nods, grateful, and takes a deep breath as Goofy finally let’s go to give Donald his turn.

Xion giggles and begins to tick numbers off on her hands. “It’s good to see you up and at ‘em, Sora! Lea went with Isa, Kairi, and Namine on Riku’s ship and Aqua, Ventus, and Terra went on Mickey’s. We’re all going to Radiant Garden. Ienzo and Even want to check on…well, everyone’s hearts! We had to compromise on flight groups.”

She shoots Sora a conspiratorial glace, shockingly similar to Kairi when she was younger. “Everyone was arguing over who got to take you, but Roxas yelled at them to back off. He said you were-”

“Xion!” Roxas flushes, helpless to do anything but protest as Donald commands him to stay focused.

Xion mimes sealing her lips, but winks at Sora regardless.

They inform Sora that he and Kairi have been away just shy of a week, which was the exact limit of time Riku was willing to give them before he started tearing the worlds apart to find them again. By all accounts, anyone available has been taking it in shifts to keep an eye on him. Roxas looks disgusted.

They make it to Radiant Garden with only mild upset – Donald’s squawking combined with Goofy’s reassurance makes Roxas just nervous enough to bang up a back thruster on landing. Sora makes a mental note to adjust it before they try taking off again; it’s a minor fix. He’s incredibly eager to see everyone, but before he can hurry off Roxas catches his shoulder. They’re the only ones that haven’t disembarked.

“Hey.” He starts, then pauses, suddenly seeming not to know what to say now that the opportunity has arrived. Seeing him cast around for his words, Sora is surprised at how real and present he is - this is the first time they’ve ever actually gotten to meet face to face, but it still somehow feels like they’re indescribably close. He throws his arms around Roxas without warning, cutting off whatever he was about to say.

“I forgot to say - I’m so glad you’re here!” It takes several seconds, but Roxas does eventually return Sora’s embrace. After a brief but tight hug, Sora leans back to study Roxas again.

He’s finally in his own body – the way it was always meant to be. “I’m sorry it took me so long, Roxas.”

Roxas places his hands over where Sora’s rest on his shoulders. “Don’t worry about it, Sora. I’m…just glad to be here?”

Sora turns, pulling Roxas forward and out of the ship, and somehow Roxas allows him to keep their hands clasped together. As they jog towards their friends, Sora remembers it had actually been Roxas who stopped them in the first place. “Oh, sorry, what were you gonna say?”

Roxas looks fond, if maybe a little resigned. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s catch up.”

-

It’s the middle of the night when they reunite with everyone else just outside of the main entrance to Radiant Garden’s lab. If Riku is still feeling awkward, he does a remarkable job of not showing it. He and Kairi envelop Sora in a hug – he’s getting a lot of those! – happy to see him up and seemingly fine. “I was so worried when you fell off the tree! You went right into the water and Riku had to drag you out. How are you feeling?”

Sora flushes to his hairline and shoots his shipmates a tiny, resentful look. They could have mentioned that! None of them make eye contact, and when several people chuckle Sora relents. “I’m fine! Thanks for that, Riku.”

Riku shrugs. “You used to fall off there all the time, I’m used to it. No worries.”

“That ladder is sneaky!” Sora banters back, thrilled that they’re having an actual conversation again after weeks of stilted texts.

“This is nice and all,” drawls Lea. “But can we get a move on? Sometime today, before I starve to death.” He ruffles Sora’s hair as he passes, his gruff very put on.

For no reason Sora had imagined Ienzo as somewhat short, so when he turns out to be over a head taller Sora is visibly taken aback. Ienzo is professional but friendly, a contrast to Even who seems more matter of fact and only a little creepy.

Although Sora has never met either of them in person, at least that he knows of, he remembers that they’re both former Organization – and they’re clearly very familiar with him.

The researchers briefly take their basic vitals (“We aren’t really this kind of doctor,” Even mutters irritably) before showing the group to a plush waiting room so that they can be individually called back to a more private space for heart checks.

The atmosphere as they wait is surreal. Not even a day ago, from Sora’s perspective, most if not all the people in this room were in active combat – some of them with each other. Kairi had died, Roxas and Xion hadn’t existed outside of his heart, there was possession and recompletion and who knows what else to think of. Even though its quite late, former Organization members occasionally stroll past or through to complete various tasks - one man, intimidatingly tall and buff, gives Sora a respectful nod. Sora has very complicated feelings towards Isa in particular, who seems content to keep mostly to himself but chats with Lea, Xion, and Roxas from time to time. He looks younger in his new clothes.

When Even calls him back, Sora can’t help but feel a little nervous. He hasn’t seen a doctor in years and has definitely never had this kind of appointment. He isn’t sure what to expect. He learns that he’s short for his age – shocker – and that his blood pressure is a little high. They ask Sora to remove his jacket and sit in a special sort of reclining chair so that he can be hooked up to a couple monitors. That seems to be all there is to it – his job is just to sit still while they take a scan of his heart.

“We actually have more data on your heart than almost anyone else’s, you know?” Ienzo says conversationally. “It really has helped with the replica bodies.” Sora isn’t sure what to think of that.

“How? Because of Roxas?” Even shakes his head, half focused on a screen.

“No. Your pod was of Organization make, even if our group wasn’t the one who put you there. Ansem the Wise watched you very carefully during the recovery of your memory, I’m told.”

“Oh…okay.” Sora wants to ask more, desperate for knowledge of his missing memories, but both researchers seem too intent on getting his results. After a few more minutes, Ienzo nods to himself and turns to remove the sticky patches connecting Sora to the lab’s machines.

“That’s all for tonight, Sora.” Even distractedly hands Sora his jacket back. “It will take some time to check these over. Take plenty of rest and fluids. Eat.”

“Er, thank you?” Sora hops off the chair, extremely ready to do just that, but Ienzo’s voice halts him at the door.

“Oh, and Sora?” Ienzo looks away from his glowing monitors for just a moment. He looks startlingly happy. “Thank you, really. You’ve done a very fine job.” Beside him, Even nods stiffly.

Sora feels his hand creep up to rub at the back of his head – a nervous habit. “Eheh – um, you’re welcome!”

“Send in Lea, won’t you?”

The wait room has gained a new visitor in his absence. Mickey is deep in conversation with Ansem the Wise himself, but it seems to resolve as Sora sits down, waving away an inquiring eyebrow from Riku for the moment. Sora resists the urge to blurt “Hey, we were just talking about you!”

Ansem clears his throat to settle the busy room, and Sora experiences a small spike of anxiety. Surely there isn’t anything new, at least for now? He’s not sure he can take another important old man telling him another way the worlds are in danger at just this moment. “Now that you’re all here, I was hoping to…” Ansem stops, his throat seeming to close. After a long moment, the wizened man simply bows his head to them all. “I am quite sorry. I don’t expect your forgiveness…but if there is anything I can do for you, anything at all, please, don’t hesitate to tell me.”

Check-ups finish shortly after that. Last to go is Terra, who it seems will have a long recovery ahead of him. He spent over 10 years with all his pieces split into different parts; Sora knows, now, that he’s fought Terra several times before. His strength seems insurmountable; alongside Aqua and Ventus, these keyblade predecessors really are incredible.

It’s a relief to finally leave – Sora has already processed far more than he really should have today. He’d have much rather taken a long nap, but even winning a war doesn’t get you out of errands, apparently.

As soon as they exit the lab Sora spots two familiar figures waiting for them in the lamplight. He runs out to the front of the crowd immediately, cupping his hands around his mouth.

“LEON!” He bellows, at top volume, delighted in the way the warrior visibly flinches. At Leon’s left, Yuffie waves back enthusiastically.

“SORA!” She calls, equally uncaring of the late hour. Leon scowls at her. She pretends not to notice, sprinting to launch herself into Sora painfully. He catches her, laughing, and twirls them around so they don’t bowl over. They almost knock into Goofy; the group hurriedly gives their display some space.

“WHY HAVEN’T YOU VISITED?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” He laughs, twirling her again before setting her back to rest on the nice, new cobblestone.

“If you guys are done yelling…” Leon starts. “Please,” Aqua mutters, though not unkindly. “…I was told your group is responsible for saving all the worlds, again. Thanks for that. Want food?”

The duo escorts them back to Merlin’s house; despite all the progress the HBRC has been making in Radiant Garden, its apparently still acting headquarters. It looks more lived in, an interesting mish mash between Cid’s high-tech equipment and Merlin’s cozy maximalist style.

Its crowded with all of them inside; Sora squirms and nearly upsets some delicately smoking equipment that could be magical or technical. Thankfully they’re just here to peer pressure Cid away from his computer; Aerith breezes down from a stairwell (new?) to inform them that Tifa apparently runs a bar, now, and they’ve got a private booking. When Cid starts to imply that he should stay behind, Aerith cheerfully threatens to take him by the ear.

Tifa is the scariest person Sora knows, but Aerith has her own way of inspiring fear.

Sora spends the rest of the night (morning?) surrounded by new and old friends alike. Even Cloud checks in, apparently used to last patrol. It isn’t as raucous as it might have been – its terribly late and most everyone has had a very long day. Ventus, Lea, and Goofy still somehow get tied up in a bet over something Sora doesn’t catch, but it leads to Lea nearly toppling off a bar stool while Tifa threatens him with a dishrag. Sora laughs so hard his stomach hurts. At some point, someone raises a toast – “To Sora! To Xehanort’s defeat!” echoes throughout the bar, and Sora receives many claps on the back. Cid attempts to slip him something a little stronger than soda but Leon puts a firm stop to it.

In the morning, they will likely need to report to Yen Sid - but tonight, Sora leaves duty, thought, and care aside. He’s exactly where he belongs. Its good to be back.

Later, tucked into a cot a handsbreadth from Ven and Roxas on an impossible floor in a wizard’s tiny little cottage, Sora has his first nightmare in months.

Chapter Text

By all rights Sora should have slept ‘til way past noon, but being up early is a habit now. Besides, Sora isn’t sure anyone could sleep with all the racket the HBRC makes when they get together for a meal, and its clear that someone is already in the kitchen.  He casts around for his phone for a second but doesn’t find it right away – whatever.  It’s still dead anyhow.

Cid is standing over a griddle pushing eggs around, spatula in one hand and mitt on the other, muttering around a cigarette.  Merlin and Cid have fought like cats and dogs over his smoking habit, but Sora once caught them sharing a smoke.  (Merlin had blustered – “Well! Its fine as long as its outside!”)  Cid also has some kind of novelty apron on, but Sora can’t make out what it says from his position. 

Nearby, Yuffie is crouched down and staring intently into the oven.  She waves vaguely, only making brief eye contact.

“Bread.” She says, gesturing simply, before resuming her vigil.              

“You’ll ruin yer damn eyesight.” Cid informs her, maybe a bit hypocritically, and she flips him off without looking up.                        

“Can’t come between Yuffie and the oven.” Leon looks casual for once at the vintage table that functions as both an eating place and work desk. He’s pouring over some kind of diagram but puts it aside to fix Sora with an attentive look, gesturing for him to sit.

“How you doing, kid?”

Sora shrugs a noncommittal shoulder.  “Honestly fine? Tired, maybe. Feels like I’ve been all over the place lately."

“I’ll bet.” Never one for too many words, Leon snaps out his paper to straighten it and goes back to making notations. Aerith emerges from upstairs once again, letting out a friendly “Good morning!” and hip checking Cid on her way to switch with Yuffie.  He spins to threaten her with his spatula and Sora can now see WELL SEASONED in block letters across his front.  He snickers.

Done with bread watch for now, Yuffie plops into the matched chair across from Sora and unceremoniously hands over his phone. “Good morning, Sora. Charged it for you, since obviously you don’t know how – aren’t I nice?”

He squawks in indignation. “Wha – I was looking for this? When did you even take it?”

“I’ll never tell!”  She levels a finger at his nose. “Just be glad I’m giving it back at all! I didn’t even snoop. Now you have to answer my messages.”

It feels weirdly normal to sit here and bicker with Yuffie as, around them, the cottage wakes for the day.  Theres fresh bread with preserves and butter, bacon, eggs, fruit.  Simple fare, designed to get busy people out the door, and perfect after a long night out.  Sora remembers several meals just like this, if in maybe unhappier settings, way back in Traverse Town. The committee had looked out for him all throughout his first journey and a part of him will always feel safe as long as they’re around.

Theres official communication from the labs that results might take a couple days to arrive.  Sora, not wanting to just sit around, decides this is the perfect opportunity to go report to Yen Sid.  (Unfortunately, that means he also needs to fix his Gummi Ship.) 

Sora had been expecting at least the Disney Castle trio to come as well, so he’s surprised when they tell him they’re headed home instead.

“I’ve been gone too long, fellas.” Mickey admits. “I gotta kingdom to run, and I owe Minnie about a million dates.”

“I wanna see Maxie!” Goofy grows a little misty, as he always does when the topic of his son is brought up. “I bet he’s grown so much…”

“- and I wanna see Daisy.” Donald cuts in with a sigh. 

Aqua, Ventus, and Terra also plan to return home sooner rather than later, but they’re going to stick around, just in case, for the results of their scans in person. All three make it clear that anyone and everyone is welcome to come to the Land of Departure for a visit anytime.  “Theres plenty of room!” Aqua urges. “…maybe too much room,” Terra follows, just this side of too pessimistically.  Ventus rolls his eyes and kicks him under the table so that Terra coughs, sheepish. “uh…the more the merrier?”

Ventus nods in approval.  “Chirithy would love the extra company!”

Roxas and Xion want to go back to Twilight Town, but they are also going to wait for their results.  No one else seems to have too solid a plan yet, but Sora notices that Kairi looks conflicted. Huh.

After a semi-chaotic meal Sora and Riku accompany Donald, Goofy, and Mickey to the Gummi Hangar to see them off.  On the way there, Sora notices several new vendors in the Square, probably taking advantage of Scrooge’s absence.

They make idle chit-chat as they walk, but when its time for them to depart in Mickey’s little ship, Sora’s throat closes.  Donald and Goofy share a knowing glance.

“Aw, Sora, don’t be sad. This isn’t good-bye. We’ll see you again!”

“That’s right! You gotta visit for Christmas at least!”  They both hug him tight – Sora really hopes that they get a nice, long vacation for once.  Its nice to think of making plans just because they want to hang out.

Further away, Mickey and Riku say their own good-bye. Sora can’t make out anything they say, but Mickey nearly seems almost stern, parental, before he pats Riku on the leg and gives a smile and thumbs up. Riku nods and bends way down to hug him.  After that, its over.  They board the ship.  Sora and Riku back out to the observation deck to observe the take-off, Sora waving the entire time.

Its still a little too crowded for Sora to want hang out at Merlin’s place all day, so Sora decides to stay and fix his ship now. Yen Sid can wait ‘til tomorrow, though. 

Riku unexpectedly offers to stay behind and lend a hand. Whelp. Guess hes finally ready to talk?

Sora isn’t really frustrated with him – in fact, hes thrilled.  Its not like he can hold a grudge for long.  A part of him just wishes he wasn’t always waiting for Riku to be ready, but he’d much rather meet Riku on his terms than not talk at all. 

As they move back through the Hangar towards Sora’s ship, Riku nudges him.  “Hey, I know this might sound weird but…were you okay last night? Felt something weird.”

“Oh, is that why you want to talk to me now?” Sora teases, but Riku bites his lip, guilty, and Sora’s chest does a weird, sad flip. 

“You’re right.” Riku’s eyes focus away, to the dusty beams streaming in from the skylights.  “I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. It wasn’t your fault, you know?”

What’s he trying to do, shut Riku down?  “Oh, I – I didn’t mean to upset you.” He stammers.  “I’m sorry too.” 

Riku shrugs.  Theres that disconnect, again – Sora spends a few minutes beating himself up, trying to understand what went wrong.  Hes very tired of not getting it – it feels like he and Riku haven’t been on the same page in years.  Maybe this is what finally convinces Sora to ask what’s been on his mind for weeks because – well, why not? Its already awkward. 

“Riku…” He pauses in front of The Highwind.  No one else is around.

“Is it okay…can I ask…” Sora makes a frustrated noise.  He finally catches Riku’s eye, hoping he doesn’t look as desperate as he feels. “Why did you kiss me?”

He expects Riku to be flustered, or angry, but Riku just raises an eyebrow. 

“Was that not obvious?”

“No! Its not obvious!”  Sora fidgets with his jacket, making the buckles on his gloves chime a little. “…at least not to me.” 

Riku stays quiet for a long time, considering, before appearing to reach a conclusion. He closes his eyes, pinches the bridge of his nose, resigned.  

“Okay. I'm sorry. You deserve an answer. Just…give me a minute.”  It takes him some time to settle on what he wants to say; Sora can’t imagine what could be this difficult, and it causes an awful anxiety to settle in his stomach.

Finally, Riku takes a deep breath and lets it out, very slowly. “It’s because I…love you.” He admits, looking a bit like he’d rather be anywhere else.  “A lot, and I thought you felt the same way. I misunderstood, and I’m sorry. I should have checked with you first.”

Sora doesn’t know why he didn’t expect this answer, because now that Riku has said it hes right – it is obvious. Of course. Why else would someone kiss somebody else? Even still, Riku’s confession rocks him to the core.  

He is the biggest, dumbest idiot ever. In all the worlds.

“Sora,” says Riku, very kindly for someone in his situation, “Its okay. Really.  You don’t have to panic.”

“Its not okay!” Sora protests. He rests his hand on one of the Ultima Gs. “Its sad!”

“I’m not sad,” Riku starts, but Sora interrupts with “Thats a lie!” and Riku sighs.

“Okay. I was sad, before, but now I’m not. I’m fine, Sora. Really.” 

Sora isn’t fine. Riku looks slightly alarmed as Sora hiccups and turns to slide down the side of his ship, breathing fast.  He’d been angry with Riku this whole time, but really Sora was the one being mean.  Riku raises his hands up and out, slowly, like he’s calming a panicking animal.   

“This is why I didn’t want to talk about it. I knew you would try to blame yourself, and look – Sora, you haven’t done anything wrong.”  Sora shakes his head furiously in response, and Riku just sighs.

“Look, let’s, ah…let’s just work on your ship for a minute. OK? Working on something always makes you feel better.”  Sora nods wordlessly and attempts to wipe his face, feeling guilty that Rikus the one who got rejected but he’s still stuck taking care of him. 

He is right, though, as usual – Sora feels much more in his element when his hands are busy.  After careful inspection, guilt still squirming uncomfortably in his gut, Sora decides to replace the entire Booster G Gummi with one of his few spares.  The old one is crushed enough that he doesn’t think it will ever straighten back out.  Although Gummis are easy to combine, they’re difficult to separate – Sora has to brace against the ship while he pops the old, damaged one off.  It takes some time, but eventually The Highwind is back in working order.

Sora dusts his hands together – they’re a little stained from handling all the Gummis. How could he not have come to this conclusion on his own? Was he actually that oblivious? And why would someone like Riku, who frankly could have his pick of anyone, be interested in Sora?

“You think I don’t notice,” Riku says, very mildly. He had stayed quiet the whole time Sora worked. “…but you keep dodging this question. Are you okay? Did you have another bad nightmare last night?”

Its incredibly ironic that Riku is asking him this, given the context. Sora wants very much to be honest with him…but… Sora would also feel very selfish if he was completely truthful right now.  The whole point of getting that medal had been to take problems off Riku’s plate, and Sora hadn’t even known then how many problems he was making.

“I guess its been a lot, Riku.” He finally settles on. “Everything that happened.  I’m…tired, and I don’t know what comes next.”

Riku nods.  “That makes sense.  You haven’t had a break at all since this started three years ago. You've been under a lot of pressure.”

“Mmm, well. A lot of the time I blame myself for us being involved at all, you know?” Riku cocks his head in confusion as Sora closes the side storage hatch.  “I thought you were acting a bit different on the island, but how could I not notice my best friend was possessed?” He looks down at his feet, ashamed.  “I guess I haven’t noticed a lot.  I’m sorry I let you down.”

Riku’s eyes are wide. He opens and shuts his mouth like a fish.  “I wasn’t.  Um, I wasn’t possessed, then. Sora, you haven’t le-”

“What do you mean?” Sora interrupts, again.

“On the island.” Riku’s expression is firm, and grim. “Ansem - Xehanort’s Heartless - didn’t possess me until right before you fought Maleficent.  I was the one doing all those things, not him.”  

Sora sits back down.  “Oh.” 

“Oh, he says.” Against all odds, Riku begins to chuckle. “No wonder you give me so much slack.”

This whole conversation has already been more than Sora can fairly process right now, but he isn’t willing to let Riku beat himself up today any more than any other day.  “You’re too hard on yourself, Riku.  I’m sure you had a reason.”

Riku laughs again, a little darkly.  “To be honest, I didn’t.  I had a crush – “    

“Even back then?!” and Riku finally starts to look a little embarrassed.

“Yes, even back then.” He admits.  “I didn’t know how to handle it, so I was selfish, and jealous.”  He looks like he just barely bites back another word.

Sora moves to sit beside Riku, unsure if his touch is welcome, but ultimately decides to put his arm around him anyway. “I’m sorry, that you had all this on you, and I didn’t know.  I don’t know if I’ve ever loved anyone the way you…love me. It…feels like I’ve never had time to even think about it.”

“Better that than ending the world with teenage angst.” Then Riku blinks, catching up.  “…Not even Kairi?” He questions, searching Sora’s face. Sora scrunches his nose and shakes his head.

“I used to think that was the way it was supposed to happen, someday, but it hasn’t.  I’ve seen lots of my friends get together recently and I don’t think what I feel is the same as that, you know?”

Riku hums a bit and they fall into silence. For the first time in a while, and despite how incredibly awkward it feels, they might finally be on the same page. They’ve finally reached each other.  Sora giggles a bit hysterically.

“Good talk, Riku. Let’s do it again next year!” Its so not funny, but Riku laughs with him anyway.

Eventually, Sora gets to his feet and offers Riku a hand up. “C’mon. I think I saw some new shops in the market.  I’m in the mood to spend some munny.”

-

Okay, so Riku loves him! Okay. Okay. 

…is it okay?  Actually, can you be friends with someone who’s in love with you? Apparently so, because Riku spends the afternoon shopping with him and even joins in for an impromptu game later with Aqua, Ventus, and Terra.  Command Board is extremely fast paced and difficult to follow at first (and the trio is absolutely merciless), but Sora can’t wait to try again next time.

Riku seems himself – but Sora had thought that before and been wrong. Or had he been right? He doesn’t know.

He rolls over, covers shifting uncomfortably around his legs.  He isn’t going to be getting much sleep tonight.

Unwilling to keep mulling this over, Sora extricates himself from his tangled covers and, very quietly, unlatches the window to his left. He crawls through, hoisting himself away from the wall and swinging himself up onto the roof.

Theres a tall building a couple of houses over that’s perfect for star-gazing - at least it had been perfect. He hopes its still abandoned.  Is that terrible?

 Just as he goes to jump, he hears a noise from below.  “Going somewhere?”

Roxas’s head is sticking upside down out of the window, and his whisper nearly scares Sora right off the edge. He holds a hand to his heart.

“Jeez, Roxas, don’t do that!”

“Then don’t go sneaking around at night.” He replies calmly, climbing up to stand with Sora on the roof.

“I’m not sneaking! Just can’t sleep.” Sora grouses. 

“You’re bad at turning your brain off.” Roxas looks around. “So, where we going?” Sora feels his mood brighten instantly; he hadn’t meant to wake anyone up, but he would love the company. 

“Follow me!”

“Ssh!”

Sora leaps over to the next house, Roxas hot on his heels. When he locates the correct building, he jumps down to a balcony decorated with a filthy outdoor table and chairs.  Trying not to feel like a creep, he peers into the windowed double doors leading into the upper story.  They’re coated with dust; inside, he can just make out furniture still covered in sheets. Phew, good. He looks back over his shoulder.

“Coast is clear!”

“Okay, you stalker.” Roxas drags a chair further towards the edge so that he can rest his feet on the rail and settles in.  “This is a good spot.”

“I know, right?”

Sora throws himself in a lounger, uncaring if his pajamas get dirty, and takes in the glowing worlds above him.  For a long time, neither of them speaks.

“You wanna talk about what’s on your mind?” Roxas eventually asks, and Sora considers it before shaking his head, forgetting that Roxas can’t see him doing it.

“Nah. Wasn’t there something you meant to tell me?”

Roxas makes a little harrumph sound.  “I just wanted to thank you. I was really angry, for a long time, because I just wanted to be me and no one would let me. But you did.” Theres movement in the next chair, and Sora hears Roxas sigh.  “And also, I feel like…I don’t know, that I want to help you now.”

Roxas is precious. Sora can see why everyone in the datascape Twilight Town had been kind of obsessed with him.  Roxas turn over so that Sora can make out his face and shoots him a very pointed look.

“So, what’s up?”

Sora squirms.  “Don’t you know already?”

“I don’t have your memories; I have memories of seeing some of your memories.” Roxas makes another peeved sound.  “And I was mostly asleep while I was in your heart anyway.  So no, I don’t ‘know’.”

“That sounds complicated.”

Roxas shrugs.  “And you keep changing the subject. What’s. Up?”

Sora doesn’t want to share Riku’s personal business, but he really could use a friend’s perspective in working this out...so… “…Riku, he…”

“Yes?” Comes the inpatient response.

“Well…he…confessed today. To me.”

Roxas groans, his head smacking back against his chair in apparent relief. “Finally! Thank fuck. Holy shit. Oh my god.”

Sora sits up straight to point at Roxas accusingly. “How do you know?  I thought you said you were asleep!” and Roxas rolls his eyes.

“No, I was, but Sora, dude, everyone knows.”

Sora grows very, very still.

“…everyone?”

“Everyone.” Roxas says, seriously. “Pretty sure Luxord was even taking bets.”

Sora hides his entire face in his hands and prays for death. “Okay, please stop talking now.”

“You brought it up.” Roxas points out, but he settles peaceably back into his chair.

Its quiet for a moment. In the distance, the town’s defense system flashes into a tiny column of light, presumably obliterating a minor Heartless. Then -

“…actually, I think Xaldin just won that bet.”

“Stop!”

-

Roxas does eventually force Sora to go back to bed, but Sora only gets a few decent hours of rest before his body wakes him up for the day.

He decides to visit Yen Sid on his own, only pausing to grab materials for a leftovers sandwich and send off a brief message indicating his plans to the groupchat.  People reply with increasingly silly versions of text wizard hats, which Sora is super sure Yen Sid would hate and Merlin would love.

Its nice to have a little alone time. Chip and Dale have been loading their phone networks with various types of music, so he takes the opportunity to listen to a little bit of everything. He can see what his friends have listened to as well, and the C&D update feed has recently mentioned they’re working on something called ‘playlists’ – a way to save songs you like all together.

He hums some new ear worm – something Xion had apparently liked – as he disembarks.  When Sora draws near the front doors the one with the star opens and closes back and forth like a little wave before standing still to give him room to pass.  Sora really is very fond of the Tower’s magic – its distinct signature is ancient but friendly.  He’s much less sure of its master, however – Yen Sid is a complicated figure, at times kind and helpful and at other times severe and demanding. 

He is, maybe more than anyone else, someone Sora wishes he could impress. 

As he starts to ascend what will likely be a lengthy climb, he hears Yen Sid’s unobtrusive voice echoing through the corridor.  “Welcome back, Sora. I await you at the top.” Not for the first time, Sora wonders how the man always knows to be ready when he’s needed.

Yen Sid’s office door is open when he clears the final landing.  The wizard looks the same as always, today standing at a window to peer into the shifting neon hues that form the barrier of his world.  As he notices Sora come in, he gestures to a simple but elegant table laden with small finger foods and tea.

“Have you yet eaten? Please, help yourself.”

Sora declines food but does take tea.  He’s extremely thankful to have something to do if, and when, he doesn’t know what to say.

Yen Sid settles at his desk, followed insistently by a steaming cup and saucer set.  He sips it slowly, apparently in no rush.  Sora takes his time with the sugar and cream.

“So. Xehanort is dead.” 

Sora carefully sits opposite the oversized desk and nods. “Yeah.”  Yen Sid closes his eyes, contemplative, and Sora remembers all at once that a long, long time ago, he had been young – and friends with Xehanort and Master Eraqus. 

“I’m so sorry that it turned out like this, Master Yen Sid.”  Sora wonders how close they had all been, wonders if Yen Sid had ever tried to stop Xehanort by himself.  Sora remembers what it was like to be on opposite sides against Riku, and at the time he couldn’t have imagined it being any worse.  They’d nearly killed each other.

“I thank you, Sora.  He would not, could not, change his mind, and he could not be permitted to succeed. What is done is done.”

They both sip from their tea. 

Conversation passes a little lighter for a while. They chat about the status of the worlds Sora has visited and some of the finer details regarding the battle. Yen Sid finishes his tea and sets aside the cup.

“Now, what is it that you plan to do?  Shall you travel once more, or settle in some world for a while?  Train? You’ve a promising aptitude for sorcery or battlecraft.  You could have your pick of teachers.”

Sora blinks, entirely unused to this sort of praise.  He’d venture to say this whole conversation had been nice.  He’d kind of thought Yen Sid thought he was a hack.  “Uh, I don’t really know yet.  I haven’t thought much about it.”

Yen Sid nods.  “Of course.  You’ve only just made it home.  There is no great need to decide now.”  He strokes his long beard, thinking.  “Though before long, as a new Master, you will have duties of your own, no doubt-” His expression is slyly proud.

Sora sputters into his tea. “Master? Me?”  Yen Sid chuckles.

“Are you not aware, then, that you are technically a Master now?”

Hooolllddd on.  Sora’s teacup rattles, so he sets it down. “No? I haven’t passed a Mark - “

“Xehanort was a Master of old, Sora,” Yen Sid interrupts. The room seems to darken alongside his more serious tone.  “…and you defeated him, body and soul. That was a ‘Mark.’  Though you may not have been aware, he certainly intended to bestow the title to you when he entrusted you with the X-Blade. For better or worse, it is his legacy.”

Perhaps Yen Sid expects him to feel happy or excited. Instead, Sora feels sick.  I don’t want it.

Yen Sid seems to pick up on Sora’s stunned expression because the room becomes gentle again.  “Sora, you must know that you have risen to every challenge remarkably.  Everything that has been asked of you, you have exceeded, often in unfair circumstances. Regardless of Xehanort, this title is certainly deserved.” He steeples his fingers together.  “I imagine your journeys have taken their toll.  It has been difficult for you.  Certainly, you could do with some rest, and time to reflect.  This discussion can wait for another day.”

Sora can only nod, feeling outside of his body.  The rest of their time floats by. Yen Sid makes it clear that he is welcome at the Tower anytime, and that the room he was using before will remain untouched.  Sora thinks he manages to behave normally; he stays long enough to be polite, he finishes his tea, and he knows he thanks Yen Sid for his time and information. He promises to visit.

But Sora has no clear memory of making it to the cockpit or of taking off.  He must speed terribly, because he’s navigated away from any previously explored star systems when he becomes aware of the way his hands are shaking on the controls, aching at his tight grip. He turns on the autofloat.  No way he’s going back to Radiant Garden yet.

His LEGACY?  Something cracks a little.  HIS LEGACY? 

A black hole opens in his chest. He imagines the X-Blade falling down, down into it, so far away and distant that neither he nor anyone else can ever lay claim to it.  His face is hot with tears that refuse to fall. 

Hes so...angry! Why does killing Xehanort make him worthy?  He hadn’t wanted to kill him. He’d just wanted everyone to be safe.  He thought is was his duty. Why is this what finally makes him good enough?  Why is the thing Kairi died for stuck in his chest?

Why does Riku love him?

Sora floats in space for a long time, thinking, before turning back for Radiant Garden.

Chapter Text

Chapter 6

By the time Sora stumbles into Merlin’s cottage, its very late. Despite how angry, lost, and confused he’d felt earlier, now he just feels…numb.  He’s missed dinner, but that’s fine – he isn’t particularly hungry. 

He’d thought everyone would have gone to sleep by now, but unexpectedly Namine is sitting alone on the bit of stone platform nearest the oven, sketching.  Theres a blanket around her, a cushion beneath her, and a mug, no longer steaming, just within arm’s reach.  Though he’s taken care to be quiet, she turns when he gently closes the heavy wooden door behind him.

“Hi, Sora.” Her voice is quiet and gentle. With her long hair clipped back, she looks incredibly cozy. “Long day?” 

Soras pretty sure that if he has one more important conversation he’ll explode.  All he wants to do is go to bed and stay there for a long, long time. 

“You could say that.  What are you up to?” 

Namine holds up her sketchpad so he can see it more clearly, beaming.  “I haven’t gotten to draw in a while, so I thought I’d try it again.  Lea said its important to have a hobby, and Isa said our phones don’t count as a hobby.  Wanna see?”

Interested despite himself, Sora joins Namine by the fire.

Her current page is composed of a tasteful autumn palette, though still in the preliminary stages – lily pads, mushrooms, bell flowers, and what might be tulips are taking shape alongside tall green and browning grass.  Though a dark forest looms in the background, it seems strangely flat; Wonderland, Sora realizes.

Namine gestures encouragingly, so he flips through a few other drawings.   On one page, a tree house crowns the top of a massive trunk in Deep Jungle; on another, a shattered, broken ship rests on a dark sea floor – Sora remembers it from Ariel’s world.  Here are the domes of Agrabah glittering amongst the sand, and then the moon shines down on a shadowed clock tower in Neverland, a silvery snake of river in the background.

A great, glowing heart shape surrounded by pipework, shot through with dark ribbons of rainbow light. 

All places from my first journey, Sora thinks with a pang.  He flips back to the first drawing he’d seen and hands the pad back to Namine.  She takes it absentmindedly, more invested in sorting through her pencil box for another color. As their fingers brush, though, she pauses and turns towards him abruptly.

Her face, which had been relaxed, draws up tightly under her bangs in confusion. Rather than looking at him, she’s staring directly at his chest.  “Sora,” She whispers. Her arm rises, unconsciously, as though to reach towards him.  “there’s something…”

Sora reflexively covers his heart, as though to hide whatever she can sense there, and Namine stops.  Please, he thinks, unable to vocalize the words but desperate for some kind of break. Don’t bring it up. I don’t want to talk about it.

In the low light, Sora imagines that Namine’s eyes nearly glow.  She appears frozen in time, considering, before she suddenly blinks and shakes herself, once. Without explanation, Namine turns back to her sketchbook.

“…Sorry, zoned out.  Can’t decide what color to use here – what would you pick?”

Sora lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and looks down to rifle through his choices, grateful beyond words. 

“This one. I think the grass had more purple to it.”

Namine nods, and they go back and forth choosing colors for a little while.  Eventually Namine even offers to let Sora try drawing for himself, but he turns her down for now.  Its more relaxing to just watch, and Namine doesn’t seem to mind him doing so.  She doesn’t push him to make any more conversation, more than happy to sit and work in silence. Its really, really nice.

At some point Sora’s hand slips off his cheek and he realizes he’s nodded off.  Namine has already started a new drawing – Moonlight Hill with its iconic curly top.  Sora stands, stretching out his sore back with a yawn he barely stifles.  Several things pop. 

“Well, I better get to bed. Thanks for letting me watch.”

Namine adjusts her blanket a little tighter, chewing her cheek a little as she contemplates a finer detail in the foreground.  “Good night, Sora! Thank you, for the company.”

Sora makes for the staircase but is stopped again by her quiet voice.

“Sora,” Namine calls. Her pencil continues to move across the page for a moment before she carefully tucks it back into its case. When she finally looks back at him, her smile is knowing.

“Just keep in mind.  If you ever need me, I’ll always be there for you.”  

-

Sora sleeps late, and when he does finally wake up he refuses to leave his bed until his stomach forces him to.  Thing is, a lot of people are going to want to ask about yesterday and Sora still isn’t ready to talk about it.  Hey, apparently killing Xehanort made me a Master, who knew?  I'm completely cool with that and I definitely see myself doing this for the rest of my life!

Its ironic; he’s spent years looking for these people in one way or another, and now that they’re all together he can’t decide if he wants to be around or not.

Still, he’s done harder things – so he gets up, gets dressed, and trudges downstairs.

Its late in the afternoon and nearly everyone left hours ago – Leon has been taking advantage of all the extra hands to get outdated projects up to speed.  Still, a few folks – Kairi, Aqua, and Lea – are milling around preparing some kind of late lunch.  

Whatever they’re making smells spicy.  Sora’s stomach growls, noticeable even over the sound of Aqua being teased – she must not like spicy food too much.

“Well! I heard that!” She says in a somewhat motherly tone. “Looks like you need a snack.” Aqua pushes over a basket of leftover vittles from breakfast, mainly fruit.  “If you can stomach it, this monstrosity should be ready in a few minutes.”

Lea sniffs, then rears back. “Woo! Think I just lost some nose hair. That means its perfect.”

Sora has tried all kinds of cuisine at this point – the hottest might have been in San Fransokyo, something called Birria ramen, which even for an islander kid had been a little intense if delicious.  This seems…worse. Nice.

“Can’t wait!” He says around a grape, and Kairi high-fives him.

The dish is indeed eye-wateringly spicy – whereas Lea and Kairi seem used to it, Sora has to take a break with water and fruit from time to time. Aqua has hers with much more rice, but powers through with minimal complaint. 

When everyone has finished, he volunteers to clear the dishes; as he scrubs, Kairi falls into place beside him to dry and put away.  This used to be a familiar routine. 

“This morning, Cid said the Lab is about ready to talk to us about our results.  Bet they start calling people in any time now.”         

Sora sighs in relief, handing her the last bowl.  “Can’t wait to see them – I’m glad they’re keeping an eye on us, but I wanna go home for a little while.”

Kairi shares a hesitant backwards glance with Lea and Aqua, who give her twin encouraging nods.  She takes a determined breath before putting away the dry dish with a clatter. 

“Sora – take a walk with me?”

Kairi leads him through the little neighborhood behind Merlin’s house, following  the back way to the Bailey.  The wind is just high enough to be pleasant on a day this warm; as they clear the stairs Kairi bundles her hair into a short ponytail, so it doesn’t fly into her face.  There had been a time when Sora and Kairi hung out together nearly every day like this.  Sora had once shouted at Tidus and Selphie for leaving Kairi out when she was new, and she hadn’t told anybody when Sora broke down crying on the first day of 6^th grade when Riku went to a different school building for the first time.  He had thought she’d be his first crush.

As the old, twisted castle comes into view in the distance, Kairi takes another deep breath.  Sora feels trepidation settling in his stomach, weighing him down. Why is it that everyone wants to have a serious conversation all of the sudden?  Why do they all want to talk so bad?

“Sora, I can’t go home with you – at least not right now. I’ve decided I’m going to train with Aqua and the others in Departure.”  She fidgets with an armband, looking worried and a little upset. “I’ve learned what I can here, and they have so much to teach me.  What happened at the Graveyard with Xehanort can never happen again.”

Sora is flabbergasted.  All this time, the thing keeping him going had been the thought of going home and bringing his friends back there with him.  “Kairi, you did fine – it wasn’t your fault that-”

But Kairi interrupts him.

“I didn’t do ‘fine’!” She snaps. “I was dead weight!” Sora flinches at her choice of words and Kairi backs off with a gasp, surprised with herself.  She pushes her hand into her hair, mussing it a little.  “Sorry. Sorry!  I didn’t mean that.”

Sora sits down along the low, recently repaired wall. Behind him, he knows, the Maw stretches out with jagged formations until it hits the Rising Falls of the Castle. Different battlefields.

Sora is tired of war. He’s tired of losing people.  Why can’t they just stay together for once?  A tear slips past his watch, and he swipes it away angrily. He’s tired of crying too.

After a moment Kairi sits down beside him, facing out as he faces away. 

“Just…now that the war is over, I want to learn everything I can.  I want to be strong too, Sora.  Like you and Riku.”

For Kairi, fighting is an opportunity to prove herself.  She’s tired of being left behind.  For Sora, fighting has only ever been about getting back home.  All this time, she’s been fighting a different battle – one Sora is starting to understand he might not be able to help her with.

“I wish you didn’t have to fight at all.” He admits quietly, when his tears begin to pass. “I wish none of us had to.”

“I know.” She says gently. “But it isn’t your choice to make, Sora.”

“I know.” He echoes. He isn’t sure what else to say, but when he turns his hand over, she puts hers over it.  Her thumb brushes against his wrist.

“For what its worth Kairi…I’ve always thought you were strong.”  She studies his expression carefully, then nods.  She looks determined, and Sora finds room to feel proud of her.

-

When Kairi leaves, Sora elects to stay and watch the sun set.  Through his jacket, he thumbs the Meow Wow medal. Although Sora has been careful to always keep the Dreameater medal near him since he got it, its mostly lived in his pocket without being taken out these last few weeks.  He’s too worried he’ll drop it.  After a while Sora fishes out the starry chain, wanting to watch it shimmer in the setting light. 

When he catches sight of his charm, he nearly does drop it.

The metal, once mythril-bright and shining, has visibly aged and looks almost burnt in some places; when Sora inspects the disk more closely, he can see hairline fractures passing through both Meow Wow’s likeness and the emblem on the back.  It looks as though if he squeezes it too hard it’ll shatter.

How could this have happened in only a few short months?  Is it possible that Meow Wow could be hurt, somehow? Sora immediately summons his magic, calling for his Dreameater link; they burst forth from his heart in a chaotic riot of sound, searching for enemies. As they scatter, ricocheting off each other like balloons, Sora spots Meow Wow and Komori Bat.

He gives a cry of dismay. Meow Wow normally doesn’t hesitate to launch himself at Sora for affection; today, he slowly separates from the crowd, nudged along by Komori Bat, drooping visibly.  Sora rushes to him, and when they meet Meow Wow leans against his side with a huge sigh of relief.  His coat, normally a cheerful blue and white, glitches to pink and black and then back again.  Like a Nightmare.   

-

“Its clear that your heart has suffered some damage, Sora.” Ienzo seems nearly as professional as before, despite having been pulled out of his quarters on short notice.  He and Sora stand together in the same lab Sora had had his scan, pouring over a tablet.  “Our findings – preliminary, mind you! – have revealed something like…heartline ‘fractures,’ if you will, all through your heart’s system.”  Ienzo taps the screen in front of him, swiping to a new chart. “In fact, this is a problem nearly all your friends are seeing to some degree.  Yours, however -” Ienzo swipes his screen again before making a flinging motion, and the tablet’s image is now displayed on a huge monitor before them.  Theres a diagram of a heart, crisscrossed with scars and pits. It looks nearly carved.

“This is the first time we’ve seen your heart by itself, Sora. There are a few things you should know. Firstly, you’re showing high signs of darkness degradation - ”

“What?!”

“Our working theory is that you’ve “used up,” so to say, much of your natural resources of light.  As far as we know, no one has ever healed a fellow heart in the manner you have, much less facilitated the development of new hearts in this way without succumbing to dissolution.  Your case is very unique.”

Ienzo tucks his hair out of his eyes.  “To be honest, I’m not certain how you’re not a heartless right now.” Sora settles onto a nearby stool and presses a hand to his forehead.  The Meow Wow medal had been showing a similar state of damage.

“So what’s it doing to me?”

“As I said, in any other heart we have studied before I believe this damage would have resulted in your losing your heart by now,” Ienzo states matter-of-factly.  “Such a person would be more emotional or more numb than is normal and, despite needing more rest, sleep poorly. Their appetite may change, and they may have relationship changes.” Sora averts his gaze, and Ienzo sighs. He sinks into the stool next to Sora’s own.    

“You must understand, Sora. What you’ve – and what we’ve all – been through has been very traumatic.  None of these things I’m talking about would be unusual, and you aren’t the only one dealing with these changes. But I am worried about your ability to handle these symptoms with such a damaged heart.”

Sora doesn’t know what to say to that, so he says nothing. Ienzo sighs again.  “I promise you we will help.  Everyone here is immensely grateful to you, and we intend to make up for our mistakes.” Despite the serious nature of this discussion so far, Ienzo looks sheepish. “I hesitate to say any of us could be called qualified mental health professionals, but we know something of healing hearts.”

Sora leaves the lab with a promise to rest and return the following day to work on some kind of plan for treatment.  With everything that’s happened over the past few hours, days, weeks, months, he expects to be upset – but there’s nothing except a pervasive kind of tiredness. He’s more exhausted than he can remember ever being before, and he wants nothing more than to hide someplace he can sleep for a few hours. Maybe when he wakes up this time, the world will change again, and everything will make sense like before. 

Then, because the universe just cannot give him a break, he spots Riku.  There's no time to turn around; Riku has already caught sight of him.

“Hey! Kairi sent me. Said she was worried about you?”  Riku looks concerned, himself.

“Woah! What’s wrong? Did something happen at the lab?”  

“No.” Sora lies, stubborn, and Riku’s eyebrows raise in disbelief.

“Okay…then why were you there?”  Sora shrugs.

“Just seeing if the results were ready yet.” His grin feels shakier and more uncomfortable on his face.  “I’m ready to go home, you know?”  That part, at least, is true.

“Maybe you don’t!” He says nastily. “You haven’t been around for almost 3 years, Riku!” 

Riku steps back, whole face shuttering into shock and hurt.  Sora has never once in his life snapped at him this way.  Although he hadn't thought it possible, Sora feels more miserable than he did before.

“BECAUSE I HAD TO!” Sora shouts, feeling pushed to his limit, vision doubling. “I had to! There wasn’t anybody else!”  The Riku in his mind is yelling, forcing a hoard of darkness back.  There's nothing he can do.

Chapter Text

>>[Sora] messages: Hey! 👋<<

>>[Riku] replied: Yes? <<

>>[Kairi] replied: What??? 👀<<

>>[Sora] messages: Lookit. [Sunrise in Arendelle.pic] <<

>>[Kairi] replied: Woah! Sora, that’s so beautiful! <<

>>[Kairi] replied: It looks cold! <<

>>[Sora] messages: It is. 😄Donald won’t give me a coat! 🥶😠<<

>>[Riku] replied: Make Goofy make Donald give you a coat. <<

>>[Kairi] reacted: 💯<<

>>[Sora] messages: Okay! 🐕<<

>>[Kairi] messages: 🐕<<

>>[Riku] messages: 🐕<<

>>[Sora] messages: Hey guys… <<

>>[Sora] messages: I’m just a Gummiphone away, okay? <<

-

Darkness rushes up to meet him, and all he feels is pain.

Its happening. Sora stares down at his hands, horrified, as inky black creeps over his fingertips and into his gloves.  There's a strange buzzing in his ears, and a red hue falls over his vision; it takes several blinks before he can see normally again.  Panic rises at the back of this throat; he doesn’t want Riku to see him like this. Rage is him at his worst, his most desperate.

Sora has never even thought about stopping a Drive before, but he tries to now.  It isn’t easy – getting his thoughts in order is like navigating through mud.  His whole body aches as he tenses what feels like every muscle to force the magic away.  This is Riku. He isn’t in danger.

He’s never used Rage form in front of anybody but Donald and Goofy before.  He wishes they were here right now…they always know what to do.

“And remember, Sora – no frowning! No sad face.”

But Riku has already seen.  There's no hiding this, now.  “Sora, what’s happening?”  He asks, but he looks like he already knows.  There's a caution and a resignation to the way he approaches now.

“This boat runs on happy faces!”

“Don’t!”

Sora spins away into a crouch, covering his head with his arms and tucking his chin into his collar.  From this new position, he spots what should be impossible – light.  A light! It’s radiating, weakly, from the inner pocket of his jacket.

Meow Wow’s medal.  Its helping him hold the darkness back.

Without warning Sora is yanked back around. Riku cages him in, both hands gripping his shoulders with force.  He gets right into Sora’s personal space so that they’re nearly nose to nose.

“Don’t tell me ‘don’t’, Sora”!” He practically growls, shaking him.  “You know better.  You’re the last person I’m letting this happen to.”  The tenuous control Sora has been working towards snaps like a twig.

Oh. This is good. This is better.  Fighting is so much easier than thinking or talking. 

Sora rips out of Riku’s grip and lunges at him, formal technique be damned; suddenly two grown keyblade masters are scuffling on the dirty cobblestone like children.  Riku slaps a punch away and tries to pin him down while Sora fights like mad, Rage flickering on and off.  Riku might have the advantage in height and weight, but these days Sora has more experience; when Riku makes to grab him again, Sora ducks and jabs an elbow up and under Riku’s chin, viciously knocking him on his rear.

Riku pauses to wipe his mouth, leaving behind a smear of blood from where he’s bitten it.  He stares at the stain on his hand before fixing Sora with a beady, serious eye.  “Is this what we’re doing, Sora?”  He should be angry, but he just sounds sad.  “You won’t talk to me, but you’ll fight me?”

He shouldn’t want to, but he does.  Sora shoves aside something pitiful and wailing in his heart and summons his keyblade – but. It’s the wrong one. 

The X-Blade glimmers into solid form, so heavy Sora lists to the side in surprise and drops it.

Everything grinds to a halt as it clatters to the ground, chiming musically.  Abruptly, the complete formchange he had been teetering steadily towards fizzles out. Sora collapses, staring in horror at the weapon he’d promised himself he would never summon. The glow at his chest pulses once then fades.  The fights over before it ever really starts.

“Riku.”  His voice, normal again, comes out small and lost.  His eyes don’t budge from the mighty blade shimmering on the pavement. “Riku, what have I been doing?”

Riku dismisses Braveheart but doesn’t approach just yet.  His lip is still bleeding sluggishly.

“Honestly?” He sighs.  “Same shit as everyone else. You just haven’t had a you to help you.”

A hysterical little giggle bubbles out of Sora’s throat before he can stop it, and the X-Blade disappears.  “I’m not sure I’m much help to anyone, right now.”

Sora throws himself backwards so that he’s fully laying down, and eventually Riku joins him.  It takes a while for him to get his breathing under control.  His elbow is tender to the touch – sure to form an impressive bruise.  Riku gingerly pokes at his mouth, and shame wells into a pit Sora wishes would swallow him whole; he’d never wanted to fight Riku ever again. 

Eventually, Riku forces him to catch his eye.  “Wanna tell me what all this was about now?”

Honestly, the answer is still no.  What Sora wants to do is slink off to Port Royal, pilot his weird crab ship to some remote island, and fling himself into the depths.  But…

Sora thinks about how frustrated he had been when Riku iced him out for weeks after the kiss.  The times he had sat with his gummiphone, staring at a read, unanswered message.  The missed calls.  The years before that with no way to make contact at all. 

The days he’s spent, now, doing the same thing.  The way he’d rather fight than have an honest conversation.

Finally reaching a decision, Sora sits up and pulls the ragged charm out of his pocket.  Its barely holding together, nearly black with corrosion. 

“…I think I did something bad,” he admits.  “Do you remember that night at the Tower, ages ago, when I had that nightmare? Well…” 

Telling Riku the whole story might be one of the hardest things he’s ever done.  Once he gets started, it just pours out of him: His growing belief that he had been a burden, his anxiety around sleeping, his fear of being possessed again, the overwhelming sense that he’s been failing everywhere he goes no matter how hard he tries. Riku’s doesn’t interrupt, even when its clear he wants to.  He just takes Sora’s hand, and Sora lets him.

“…I thought Meow Wow was keeping the nightmares away, Riku, but lately I think…maybe it’s a lot more than that. I don’t recognize myself.  I just feel so…blank, but then there are other times when the only thing I feel is angry and... that’s when Rageform happens.  I keep thinking that maybe its just everything that’s happened lately, but now…” Sora turns Riku’s hand over so that he can gently drop Meow Wow’s charm into it. The moment he lets go he feels the strangest sensation, like his ears have been stuffed with cotton but are suddenly clear.  Riku examines the Dreameater Medal carefully, prodding at the nearly charred spikes that line the edge while Sora fidgets, nervous and vulnerable in a way he’s never felt before.  What will Riku even think of him now?  He’s probably harder on himself than Riku ever will be, but at the same time he’s never lied and hurt Riku like this before.  He opens his mouth at the same time Riku does. 

“Sora, I – “

“I’m sorry – “

“No, I – “

“– you don’t have to – “

“Let me finish!”

“…Sorry.”

Riku breathes through his nose, the beginning of a little laugh, before trying again. “I don’t want you to apologize to me.” He says gently.  Sora realizes, all over again, that Riku really does love him. “To me…you’re like this unstoppable force, the strongest, kindest person I know.  You understand other people so much better than I do.  I don’t think its even possible for you to be a burden.  Maybe that’s why…”  He gazes up to where the lamplight obscures slowly emerging stars. “…I never thought you felt lonely.”

 “I was lonely all the time.” Sora admits softly.  “Even though Donald and Goofy were right there.  I thought everything that happened was my fault.  I tried so hard to make it right, but instead I just kept making all these mistakes.” He smiles, fond but bitter, too.  “I was so proud to wield the keyblade, even though I wasn’t really chosen like all of you, but after I failed the test…”

For the first time Riku looks truly angry.  “That was Xehanort, not you.  You had already saved the worlds twice by then, you shouldn’t have even had to take that dumb test.”  Sora shifts a single shoulder, pleased but unsure what to say to that.

“Well.  Doesn’t matter. Yen Sid says I am a Master, now.”  Riku starts in shock, and Sora just gestures to his heart. “X-Blade and all.” 

“Oh.” Riku takes in the way Sora has curled up in on himself, shaking slightly. “I’m guessing there’s something else?”

Sora wonders if he can let this final secret out.  He could stop now and keep it to himself.  It would be so easy to let it stay hidden away…but Riku has been so honest with him.  “…I don’t deserve it, Riku. All of you are so strong, but…I feel like, on my own I’m just…worthless.”

Admitting it feels like draining poison from his very soul.  Riku makes a wounded sound, and Sora allows it when he wraps an arm around him.   Once, it had been Sora reaching across the gap, trying to help Riku to believe in himself again; now, Sora can appreciate how difficult it is to help someone when their own perspective is so different.  It makes him respect Riku a little more – he hopes he can see things differently again too someday. 

“Sora…you can’t believe that.”

“I don’t know.” Sora says carefully. “Ienzo says there’s something wrong with my heart. I’ve been having trouble with my temper ever since I got the medal, and now I think somethings wrong with Meow Wow too.  He…wasn’t well, when I summoned him earlier.”  Sora wrings his hands. “I really messed up this time.”

“Its like you always tell me, Sora. You’re too hard on yourself.  You think you have to be perfect, or no one will care.”  He swallows.  “Even when I was at my worst you didn’t give up on me.  I hid from you, more than once, because I didn’t think I deserved that.”

Riku sighs, sounding weary down to his very core.  “Now I just keep thinking, when is it enough? Will I ever make up for everything I’ve done?  Is it even possible? I don’t know the answer.”

He drums his fingers against Sora’s arm, contemplative.  “All I know is that I can’t keep running away anymore.  If I’m ever going to figure it out, its going to be here with you. Not anywhere else.”

Sora opens his mouth, stunned, but no sound comes out.  He’d never thought of it quite like that.  Why can I forgive you, but not myself? 

Despite his determined words, Riku’s face has erupted into a blush.  “Ah, I didn’t mean that – I know you don’t -” Sora shushes him.

“Riku, stop, I get it.”  Sora doesn’t know what he’s feeling, exactly, but he does know that he feels better than he has all week. “And you’re right – I have been running. ‘I didn’t know how to handle it,’” He echoes. “So I just…let myself turn it all off.” 

“I think you need to summon them again.” Riku says, before fixing him with a quelling look.  “But first we need a meal and a break.” Riku holds up the charm, letting it swing from between his fingers between them. “Is it okay if I hang on to this for now?”

Sora nods.

“Great,” Riku says.  He looks as thoroughly worn out as Sora feels. “Now what would you say to some really awful takeout?”

Theres only one place open this late. Little Chef would have had a conniption at the quality, but Sora is almost grateful for the dry sandwich; the curry from earlier hasn’t done him any favors.

It’s a little awful when a break and a meal can make your problems feel more manageable.  Riku had said he didn’t want Sora to apologize, so Sora won’t – but he does make a promise to himself.  He’s going to work hard at not running away, just like his friend is doing.

Once Sora’s magic has sufficiently recovered, they discard their trash and find a suitably empty space for him to summon.  (Sora tries not to think about his whole meltdown happening right outside of the labs.) 

Riku returns the charm, giving an encouraging nod.  Sora closes his eyes, searching his heart for the trigger to his summoning spell.  Normally his Dreameater link feels fanciful and drowsy, like nodding off in afternoon sunshine – now the connection is sour and nearly impossible to locate, as unsteady as static on the radio.  He breathes out a with a great whoosh of air, worried and frustrated.  

“Riku, I can’t find them on my own – I think I need help.  Can we try?”

Riku looks a little uncertain, but he’s willing to try. “Show me what to do.”  He says.  Sora holds out his hand, palm up with Meow Wow’s charm inside, and after a beat Riku places his over it.  Grasping Riku’s hand tightly, metal digging into the flesh of his palms even through his gloves, Sora concentrates as hard as he can, channeling all his magic to search again for his friend. Riku must follow his lead, because a beat later Sora feels a warm and steady presence join his own naturally exuberant magic. Its a bit like the beginning of an Eternal Session.

Maybe its his exhaustion, his desperation, or the late hour. Maybe it’s the fact that Riku is, technically, a Dreameater himself – but finally, Sora gets a tenuous grasp on the dreamy feeling that still connects him with the Sleeping Worlds.  He pulls, a bead of sweat working down his brow.  A summon has never resisted his call so strongly before. Unlike other links, if Sora pulls too hard this one will slip away – like trying to remember the details of a dream before you wake up.

Finally, gently, the yank gives way.  For the second time in one day, Dreameaters spring forth from his heart.  Riku turns his head this way and that, taking in the many friends he hasn’t seen in nearly a year.  A Ryu Dragon nuzzles into him for a moment before fixing it’s eyes, uncharacteristically serious, towards a Tyranto Rex crouched in the center of the colorful mass.  Everything is unnaturally still; Sora has never seen them so solemn and alert, as if standing vigil.  When Sora and Riku approach, the fierce dinosaur Dreameater shakes out his spikes with a quiet roar before gently uncoiling his tail.  

Its gotten worse. 

Meow Wow lays on the cobblestone, gasping weakly.  If it weren’t for his eyes, still yellow in color, Sora would have mistaken him for a Nightmare.  Komory Bat flies into Sora’s face, screeching in panic, before Riku beckons him to his shoulder with a soft hush.  Sora sinks down as close to Meow Wow as he dares, hands reaching out. He hesitates, then carefully pulls the plump creature into his lap. Although he couldn’t have known…he did this.

“Meow Wow,” He bites his lip, a sob at seeing his friend this way threatening to overwhelm his voice.  “I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry I didn’t realize it before.”  He looks down as he strokes Meow Wow’s soft, silky fur.   Sora had gotten used to thinking that he was weak on his own and that it didn’t matter what happened to him as long as his friends could make it out okay. He had never thought about what it would be like to watch someone else do this to themselves.   “I think that…you gave me your light,” the way I’ve been giving other people mine. “I…I taught this to you.”  

“Sora, here.”  Riku crouches down beside him, his face crinkled in sympathy, to hand him back the medal.  Sora smooths his thumb over the spikes, so damaged they nearly cut into the digit.  He has an idea of what to do, if he can be brave enough.  If he can stop running.  He cradles Meow Wow’s head so that he can look directly into it’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry I let this go on for so long.  You were trying so hard to help me and I couldn’t see what it was doing to you.  To both of us.”  Even in his weakened state, Meow Wow finds the strength to gently lick him on the nose.  Sora sniffs, tears finally gathering in the corners of his eyes, and wraps his arms around him.

“I promise we’ll be okay.  I’m ready to try facing this.”  He whispers.  “Thank you, for everything.”  He swears, for just a moment, that he feels a pair of arms return his embrace – then Sora snaps Meow Wow’s medal in half. 

As it crumbles away into dust between his fingers, the Dreameaters vanish.  Tiny, sparkling lights signal their departure, surrounding the pair briefly before twinkling away.  The dream finally fades.

There is no great shower of light, magic, or power.  No grand display of change.  Everything seems quiet…but inside Sora there’s an instantaneous shift.  He rocks backwards as though from a physical blow, feeling like he had been underwater and not known it until right now. Breaching the surface barrages him with color, noise, sensation; what had once been so muted and distant suddenly feels very real and present – confusion, fear, elation, sadness, too many overwhelming emotions to track. The world spins around him until he closes his eyes, tears still streaming down his face.

“Sora? What’s happening?” Riku says in alarm, attempting to steady him.  “Are you okay?”

“Yes.  No? Just – give me a minute.”  Sora realizes he’s shaking but can’t stop.   He lets Riku prop him up, just trying to process.  Everything is too much, too raw, and yet not nearly enough.  Hes overstimulated but hungry all at once.

How long has he gone without this?  Where has he been? How could it have gotten so bad, and he hadn’t noticed? 

His chest heaves as something tugs painfully and Sora gasps. A hundred links settle back into his heart like long-lost nerve endings, the feeling of healing so intense it might as well be cauterizing.  His friends! He can sense all of them! When had he stopped feeling them there beside him? 

How could he have ever felt alone? 

Sora laughs out loud, unable to stop himself from pulling on each link, just a little, just to feel them respond.  It feels a little bit like grief and a little bit like love.  One link sings back louder than the others, echoing his joy and magnifying it a hundredfold.    

“It worked, Riku.” He says quietly, giddily, wonder and relief building within him until he feels like he’ll burst.  He grabs Riku’s hands.  “I can feel it – Meow Wow is going to be okay!” 

Riku smiles, and amidst everything else going on inside him, a tiny part of Sora thinks oh! Maybe?

There won’t be an easy fix for this.  Sora still doesn’t know how he feels about himself, the X-Blade, or being a Master.  He doesn’t know how he feels about Riku, or where he wants to go, or what he wants to do. Theres no perfect answer.  He has thrown himself away so many times, told himself he didn’t matter, over and over, and the scars of those decisions will take years, maybe, to heal.  

Even so, Sora will wake up tomorrow to find Ventus using him as a human pillow. Roxas and Xion will drag them both out of bed at a decent hour, no matter how much they protest.  Donald and Goofy will video call during breakfast ‘just to say hi’ and not hang up even though they can’t hear each other talk.  Terra will gently steer Aqua away from the kitchen so the HBRC can “teach Lea a new recipe,” fooling no one.  When Cloud unexpectedly stumbles down the staircase, he won’t answer a single question about his tiny HONEYBEE sleep tee.  Later, Sora will catch a sketch of the whole scene in Namine’s notebook.

He’ll go to Ienzo’s lab to start thinking about how to help his heart recover, and Kairi will hold his hand the whole time.  He will try to eat good meals, rest, and spend time with the people he cares about most.   He will try to learn how to forgive himself.

But that’s for tomorrow.  Tonight, Sora will follow Riku back to the cozy little cottage where everyone is waiting for him, ready to help bear the load.  He thinks he’s finally ready to let them try. 

And later when Sora finally goes to sleep Meow Wow will find him, and they will both have very good dreams.