Archive of Our Own ^beta

"You're leaving? For good?"

Louis' heart is in his throat and his stomach at the same time and all the air in the living room of their hotel suite has turned to lead. Harry's arm drops from the couch's back to Louis' shoulder and he can barely feel it as he stares at his lover sitting in the armchair between the love seat where Niall and Liam have gripped hands and the couch where Louis and Harry are pressed against each, Harry's arm rubbing Louis' shoulder and holding his hand. Zayn is staring at the coffee table, studying it and keenly avoiding his boyfriends' eyes.

"I'm sorry, Lou. I can't...I can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted, I'm feeling burnt out, I just need, I need to be a normal 22 year old. Touring all over the world, being everywhere and nowhere all at once, it's too... It's too much."

"So this isn't just a break." Liam's voice, usually so strong, sounds lighter, on the edge of breaking. Zayn shakes his head, looks up at Liam, and shakes his head again.

"No. They're...they're gonna announce it a bit later." His voice, soft and musical, cuts through Louis' chest. Don't cry, Louis. That won't help any, he thinks, although all he wants is to throw his arms around Zayn and beg him to stay.

Harry's hand grips Louis' a little tighter and Louis rests his head on Harry's shoulder, comforting him.

"So you're just gonna leave us then, mate. Right in the middle of the tour. Gonna leave all your fans, gonna leave your band, your best friends, your fucking boyfriends." Harry's voice is low and sad and angry.

Zayn looks at Harry, and Louis can see the pain in his brown eyes. He runs his hand through his hair and pushes his lips together. "I'm...I'm sorry, babe. But it's for me, it's not to do with them, or you."

"Not to do with us? We're lovers. Partners, Zayn. And you're just leaving us."

Zayn looks at Harry, apology shining through his glazed eyes.

Louis closes his eyes. No, Haz, we'll still be together. He still loves us. So we won't be on tour with each other, we can still be together in London. Or LA. Or New York. He still loves us, he still loves us.

Louis repeats the mantra in his head, while something unasked and unsaid hangs over the groups head. He has to still love us.

They've gotten through Haylor, through the disastrous two years of Elounor. They survived five years, five years of beardings, five years of tours and prolonged separations. They've have had their fights, their misunderstandings. They've gotten over all that. They made it through the five years. They can make it through Zayn leaving.

We love each other. We'll always love each other. Louis thinks, messing with the ring around his fourth finger, five gems, amethyst, amber, sapphire, emerald, and opal, set in place. They only wear them in private, but they always wear them, even when they're by themselves, no lovers to cuddle. They had a commitment ceremony last year, no one there but their mums, their kind understanding mums, some a little more confused then others about their boy's strange relationship, but supporting them as they said vows and passed rings around in Ibiza. They then spent two days in bed, and Louis felt deliciously sore for three after that. These rings were theirs. No one, not fans, or management, or beards, or rumors could take them always. Louis smiles at the memory and looks eagerly up at Zayn. He's staring at his ring too. Louis wonders what he's thinking about.

"We'll always love you, Zayn. We'll always be here to support you, sweetheart." Louis gives a smile, bittersweet and loving, when Zayn meets his eyes and smiles back. Don't cry Lou, he thinks, and blinks away a few tears. Harry's hand tightens on Louis' shoulder. "Won't we, Hazza?" He turns his smile up to Harry, who fake smiles back. There are tears in his eyes too. Louis kisses his cheek. "Don't cry, Haz," He whispers in Harry's ear. "Then I'll cry and look like a mess on Zayn's last night here." Harry kisses his nose, and nuzzles his face, but stays silent. Niall and Liam are whispering on the loveseat across the way, Liam's arm around Niall's waist, and pushing his blond hair back, as Niall rubs Liam's shoulder. Louis decides that he will make this will be a good night, a final 'til we meet again' night. Maybe he'll break out Zayn's favorite underwear, some blue lacy scrap he got at some skeezy shop that didn't know him, and didn't care enough to sell the information to the tabloids, that always leave Zayn hot and bothered and pushing Louis on to the closest surface as soon as can when he sees them beneath Louis' jeans.

He plants a kiss on Harry's lips and turns back to Zayn, who's staring at him like man about to die and Louis is his last breath of oxygen. "So when are you leaving, love?" He tries to be kind, and supportive. No joking Louis tonight, there'll be plenty of time for that in the morning, when he'll help Zayn pack, while the other three are grabbing breakfast and coffees and maybe one of Zayn's favorite books to surprise him with for the long flight home. He and Zayn'll throw underwear and laugh over some of Zayn's stupid shirts and Louis will steal a sweater or three and some boxers to keep so he'll always have his smell while he's gone, while Zayn does the same with his favorite hoodies. He'll be joking and sarcastic tomorrow, but tonight he will be kind and supportive because that's what Zayn needs and that's what they do. They give each other what they need. Shoulders to cry on, laughs, jokes, sex, support when the whole world wants a piece of them, grounding when they feel overwhelmed, promises of big farms with children and goats and organic greens for Harry, and isolation from everyone when One Direction stops and they can just be Niall, and Zayn, and Liam, and Harry, and Louis. A family.

"My flights in two hours. The car leaves in twenty." Zayn looks away. Louis, taken back, leans against Harry, who wraps his arms around him. Harry, who's the closest to him, who he turns to for comfort, his rock. Zayn's his best friend, the one who will always make him laugh when he's sad or homesick, will cuddle him when he's in a mood, play pranks or jokes at opportune or iopportune moments, who seems to always be touching Louis just right, who turns anything sexual, or wants to be sexual at inappropriate moments.

"You're, you're leaving tonight?" Louis hates the way his voice squeaks at the end. Tonight? What about their final night, with the blue underwear, and the whispered promises of staying together always across each other's sweaty skin, and the packing tomorrow. Tonight?

Zayn closes his eyes. Liam and Niall's jaws drop and Harry holds Louis closer and puts his face on his shoulder and Louis feels a tear soak into his tshirt. No don't cry, Harry, then I'll start, and suddenly the dam burst and tears roll down Louis cheeks. Harry buried his face in Louis shoulder and starts muttering to him and rubbing his belly. "Shhh, it's okay love."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Louis grips Harry's arm and stares at Zayn. Liam closes his eyes and shakes his head, while Niall sets his jaw and glares at the table, like it's its fault that their five some is being torn apart. Liam rubs Niall's back and kisses his cheek.

"I didn't know...I didn't know how. I love you guys, and I didn't...I didn't know how to fucking tell you." He closes his eyes as tears gather, then fall into his hoodie. Green. Louis' favorite.

"What about..." Niall closes eyes and a sob shakes him. Don't, Niall, Louis thinks. Don't ask him. He needs to know, but half of him feels he already knows the answer and if Zayn says it, it'll be out there and it'll be true and Louis doesn't want to hear it, can't hear it, won't be able to unhear it. Zayn leaving One Direction, that's fine. He needs a break. Fine. They could handle that. But that's from the band and the band has been mostly separate from Liam and Niall and Louis and Harry and Zayn. He can't leave this, his lovers. Their nights out in a big field where no can see them kiss, dinners where Harry cooks and Louis helps, mostly by distracting Harry and stealing tastes and not seeing Harry sneak carrots or kale in so Louis will eat healthier, their days off they spend in bed, naked and spooning and slowly making love and watching sappy movies, their tours were they can be with each other, singing during the day and snuggling at night. He won't give this up, Louis thinks, only half uncertainly.

Zayn looks at Niall. He already knows the question, knows the answer. He plays with his ring and his jaw trembles. Niall continues. "What about us?" He gestures around. Zayn plays with his ring some more. Louis closes his eyes. Please don't, Zayn. Love us. Please love us. Don't leave us. Leave the band, but don't leave us. Harry buries his face in Louis shoulder and let's out a sob, quietly. Louis opens his eyes and stares at Zayn. Zayn's looking at his ring and sobs and then, no, dear god no, he's taking it off.

No. Nononono. No, Zayn, please. Louis feels his heart beat faster and he stares at the ring. Put it back on. Niall and Liam are staring at Zayn, gripping each other's hands, tears down their faces. Liam is shaking his head.

Zayn places the ring on the coffee table, an offering. He's crying, and that makes Louis' stomach turn to brick, and he starts crying too.

"I'm sorry, loves. But I think... I think I need to be alone. For awhile. I can't...I can't do this either."

Louis looks from the ring to Zayn's face. He tugs away from Harry and falls to his knees by Zayn. "Zayn no, please, please babe, don't leave." He grips Zayn's hands and pulls himself in to his lap. They had sat like this last night, too awake after a couple rounds of sex, and came out here while the other boys were sleeping and watched Gone With the Wind, Louis curled in Zayn's lap. They didn't watch half of it, kissing and whispering about their upcoming break, half of which they planned to be in a flat somewhere, naked 23 hours a day, or on some private island, where they could shout I love yous from the mountain tops and no one would hear.

Now Louis straddles Zayn, hands gripping his shoulders, pleading in his eyes. "Please babe, no, don't leave us, we still love you, please we need you. I need you. I'm sorry, we can fix it, what ever it is. Don't leave us, please, please." He's sobbing at the end, and Zayn's crying too. Zayn takes his thumb and wipes away Louis' tears. Louis grips Zayn's shoulders tighter, as if to hold him to this chair and never let him leave. "Please Zayn. I love you."

Zayn places his hands in Louis' cheeks and presses a kiss to his lips. Louis kisses back, pouring all his pleading and begging into the kisses. Don't leave me, he thinks. Maybe if he thinks it hard enough it'll imprint in Zayn's mind and he'll stay. He wraps his arms around Zayn's neck and deepens the kiss. Stay.

Zayn pulls back. "I'm so sorry, love." Louis places his forehead in Zayn's. "Put your ring back on, please babe, please, please stay with us, please don't go. Babe, love, Zayn I need you, we need you, Zayn please. Please." His voice breaks on the last word and he puts his head on Zayn's shoulder and cries. "Please, please don't leave me." Zayn's rubs his back, and sobs. "I'm sorry love, I'm so sorry. I'm so so so sorry, Louis." Louis grips Zayn's back and holds him. "Put your ring back on, please Zayn. Please."

"I can't, love. I'm sorry. I can't." Zayn hugs him tighter. "I love you, Louis."

Louis pulls back, takes Zayn's face in his hands, mimicking Zayn's motion from earlier. "Then stay. Please." He's crying and so is Zayn, and he hears Niall comforting Liam and Harry sniffling. "Put your ring back on." Zayn looks at him, heart broken and crying, and shakes his head.

"I'm so sorry, love."

Louis kisses Zayn, over and over, in between begging him to stay, please. "Please, please, love." Zayn runs his hand through Louis' hair and kisses his forehead. Louis shakes his head. "No, please. Babe. Zayn."

There's a knock on the door and Louis lets out a big sob. "No please, no. Put your ring on, please. Please." He hears heavy footsteps, Harry's footsteps, go over to the door, lets in Alberto. "Please, please, don't do this, Zayn. Please."

"The car's here, Zayn. We have to go." Alberto's voice is strong and deep, as he takes in the scene. Liam and Niall comforting each other on the love seat, Harry looking forlorn as he leans on entryway to the living room, Louis crying in Zayn's lap, begging him to stay.

"I gotta go, babe." Zayn sounds hoarse. He presses his lips to Louis' forehead one last time.

"No, please." Louis sobs and grips him tighter and pushes all his energy and love into Zayn, begging him.

"I love you so much, Louis. All of you." He looks around the room but nobody's looking at him. They can't. Alberto, having gone to get Zayn's things, comes out of their room, where they made love for the final time last night. The lube's still on the dresser, Harry's shirt thrown over a chair, Niall's underwear on the head board from where he had shoved it into Louis' mouth, the wood slightly cracked where Louis had gripped hard as he rode Liam. Louis hadn't even realized Zayn had packed, too distracted by nude sunbathing on their private balcony and making out with Niall in the shower and getting lunch with Liam and then going skinny dipping with Harry. "I'm so, so, sorry." Zayn's voice cracks, and Louis wants him to sob, to cry, to show he cares. He wants him to say, fuck this, I'm sorry, just a prank, I'm staying. But Zayn doesn't. He just sits, tears glinting on his cheekbones.

Harry walks over and pulls Louis off Zayn's laps, cradles him as he sobs. "Bye, Zayn." Harry's voice is strong, and he looks at Zayn with barely disguised rage and anger and sadness and love. Zayn stands up, and looks at Liam and Niall, who look at him sadly, tears running down their cheeks. They tell him good bye, softly, barely heard of Louis' sobbing.

Zayn walks towards the entryway and looks back. "Bye, boys. I love you. I love you all."

Louis screams "No, Zayn, please!" But it's too late. The door slams and they're alone, three of them crying and one of them angry, and the abandoned ring on the table.

Harry holds Louis close. "No. No. He didn't, no. Please tell he didn't." Louis looks up at Harry. Harry kisses Louis' forehead.

"It's gonna be alright, love. We're still here. We're not going anywhere. I promise. I swear. I will never leave you. Never." Harry looks at the other two, motioning with his head for them to come over. Liam presses against Louis's back, buries his head in his neck, while Niall joins on Louis' side, Harry's arm moves out of the way and rewraps around Niall and Louis together. Niall leans his head on Harry's shoulder, while Harry presses his face against Louis hair. Niall wraps his other arm around Liam.

"I'm here for good too, short stuff. You'll have to kill me to get rid of me."

Liam kisses Louis' neck. "I'll always be here, Louis. Always." Louis sobs have lightened, his face still pressed to Harry's chest, but he doesn't pull away, doesn't say anything.

"You need anything, love?" Harry asks. Yes, Louis thinks. I need Zayn here, to tell me the same, to complete this. I need him to tell me this is a bad dream and he hasn't left us, didn't leave his ring on the coffee table like some half drunk glass at dinner party.

"No," he says aloud though. "Just...just hold me please. Just hold me and never let go."

Harry nods into his hair. "Never."

Liam nuzzles his neck. "Never, love."

Niall leans over, kisses his cheek. "Never."

Louis breathes in Harry's scent. "Never."

Louis doesn't know how long they stay like that, comforting each other from the pain of losing part of them, but Harry's shirt is soaked, and Liam shifts a little, and Niall's stomach growls a bit, so he pulls back, wipes his eyes. Harry pulls his chin up and kisses him. "Let's go take a bath. I'll order up some room service. We can just have a night in."

Liam makes a sound of agreement against Louis' back and Niall nods, smiles sadly and hugs Louis close. "It's gonna be okay, babe," he says. Louis nods sadly. "I'll go draw the bath, do you want vanilla in it?"

Vanilla was what Zayn always liked, liked it on Liam after a concert, or himself combining it with his spicy shampoo Louis always stole, and his regular smell to form the signature scent Louis loved. "Rose." Niall presses his lips to Louis's forehead and turns to go to the large en suite.

Louis spins around, press himself against Liam, tucking his head on to his shoulder. "Are you okay, babe?" Louis whispers into Liam's shoulder. Liam had been closest to Zayn, started this whole thing when Louis walked in on them in the X Factor bathroom, Liam blowing Zayn. They invited Louis to join them. Louis had had feelings for Harry since the beginning, kissed him after their audition and taken him on a date when they first started bonding as a group, broke down and told Liam and Zayn, right there in the bathroom. Told them he thought they were attractive but he had Harry, then turned and fled. Liam and Zayn confronted them both halfway through the competition, and they made a foursome. Somewhere between then and the end, Niall had joined, naturally fitting in. He wasn't gay, or bi, had no interest in boys until he walked in, ironically, on Zayn fucking Louis in the same bathroom Louis walked in on Liam and Zayn. They all shared a look and later, asked him to join. Niall started out feeling a little uncomfortable with the whole thing, not knowing his feelings about making out with a guy until Louis kissed with him and showed him exactly how a man could make him feel. He was quite eager after that. They hadn't inseparable, having to fly all of the place, sleep schedules disjointed, but the first tour really solidified their relationship, abnormal as it was. The rest of them, their breaks, their promos together, singing and writing and being together had strengthened it, although apparently not enough for Zayn.

Liam smiles sadly at Louis. "I'm a little hurt, and angry, and sad, not gonna lie. I love him. I'm not going to say I understand. I don't. But I think since the four of us have each other will be alright. It's gonna be hard, but we, we can handle it. We can make each other strong." Liam brushed his hand through Louis' hair. Louis chortles at Liam's quoting his own lyrics, lyrics written after a bad time being apart, at him. "And we'll always be here for each other. This was hard on Zayn, it's been hard on all of us, he's been having some issues, we know that, he hates talking about it, hates upsetting us. He's been getting kinda distant. Maybe some time off will be good for him."

Louis swallows and looks up at him. "Do...do you think he'll come back?"

Liam closes his eyes and pulls Louis closer. "I...I don't know. And this hurts. Him leaving, him leaving us. I won't know if I want him back." Louis feels a tear work his way down his cheek. He isn't sure either.

Harry clears his throat. "Food's ordered." He walks towards the couple, clinging to each other. He reaches out, grabs Louis' hand. "Let's go have that bath."

Louis leaves his arms around Liam, and Harry steers them towards the bedroom. Niall comes in when he hears them. "Baths almost ready." Louis nods and pulls away from Liam, reaching to take off his t shirt. Liam tugs his hands away and starts undressing Louis. Harry goes over, does the same for Niall. Louis grabs Liam's top button, starts to undo it. He remember the last person he undressed, Zayn, last night, when they were a little tipsy and Louis couldn't figure out buttons, so Zayn ripped it open, and pounced on him, tickling and teasing him. He stares at Liam's chest.

Don't think about Zayn. Think about Liam. About Harry. About Niall. About the people here. When they're all nude, except for the rings around their fingers, they head towards the bath. Harry climbs in first. Louis follows, sits between Harry's legs and snuggles back. Liam and Niall get in the enormous bath, sit next to each other. Liam wraps his arms around Niall, pulls him close, so Niall can lean his head on Liam's shoulder. They just sit for a minute and Louis feels the emptiness between Liam and Harry, where Zayn should have sat and splashed Liam
until Niall laughed or put a beard on Harry.

"Bubbles are nice." Louis murmurs, playing with them, building up a pile then blowing it towards Niall. Niall giggles and Liam smiles.

"Thanks. They're rose scented so you'll smell like girls for a while." Louis feels Harry's arms around him, rubbing his stomach and chest over his tattoo.

"I don't mind. Think it smells nice. Better then Harry's farmer scent." Louis tangles his legs with Harry, and Liam tangles their entwined legs with his and Niall rests his on top. "Rather smell like a farmer then a boo bear." Louis laughs and grips Harry's arms, leans back, and relaxes on Harry's strong chest. He traces Harry's tattoos, although he cannot see them. He had memorized Harry's and Liam's and... much like Harry and Liam and Niall memorized his.

Louis closes his eyes. He could get used this, this foursome. Maybe in sometime, the hole that Zayn left will close. "I don't know what I would do I if I didn't have you guys." Liam untangles his legs, scoots closer to Harry, fills the space where Zayn should be. Niall scoots around the other side, puts his hand on Louis', Harry tugs Louis closer, pulling his arse right above his cock. Louis giggles a bit. They lay there comforting each other, with kisses and nuzzles and rubbings. Liam grabs a bottle of body wash, Harry's, since Louis doesn't buy body wash or shampoo or cologne or hair gel, when he's around them, preferring to use one of theirs, so he would always smell like them, and a wash rag, putting some on the cloth before passing the bottle and a clean rag to Niall. Harry grabs Liam's shampoo. Louis ducks beneath the water getting his hair wet, and comes back up, rubbing slightly on Harry's crotch. Harry tugs on the back of Louis' hair and Louis smiles. Liam starts rubbing the cloth of Louis front, across all his tattoos and his nipples and body hair. Louis wishes he would scrub harder, get all of today off, all his sadness and hurt, but Liam's gentle and it feels nice so Louis just sighs and ignores it, especially when Liam rubs it over his crotch unexpectedly and Louis gasps. Harry squirts some shampoo in Louis' hair, and Louis goes down in the water til his hair and face is just peeking out. Harry massages Louis' head and ears much longer then normal. Louis is in heaven, Niall and Liam rubbing his body and Harry massaging his head.

When Harry stops his motions, Louis whines a little, which makes the bigger male chuckle. He grabs a small cup and pours the water over Louis hair, making sure all the shampoo is out, and none into Louis' eyes. Liam and Niall have moved onto to washing each other, rubbing shampoo into Niall's blond locks and bar soap into Liam's abs. Harry grabs his conditioner and rubs the ends of Louis' hair with it. "Don't get it wet," he whispers in to Louis' ear, and Louis smiles and turns around and grabs Harry's soap and a wash cloth and starts rubbing across the sparrows Harry got for him and Louis. He goes down over the butterfly and pulls it back up and washes Harry's shoulders and arms. "Turn around," he whispers, and Harry does, folding his long legs so Louis can trail the cloth up and down his back. Louis grabs his shampoo and rubs it into Harry's hair, feeling Liam and Niall, done with their cleaning, scoot up behind him. Liam wraps his arms around Louis's tummy and Niall watches as Louis rinses Harry's hair. The bubbles have long since gone,leaving the water clear enough to see where Harry's bum curls underneath him.

Louis rubs conditioner into Harry's hair. Liam picks up the cup and rinses Louis' hair, calm and gentle. They don't speak. He rinses Harry's curls and kisses his back, indicating he's done washing Harry. Louis feels as if this is some kind of ritualistic bath, cleansing them. He wonders if his lovers feel the same. He feels a bit better, some of the sting gone, but something's still missing and by the tightening of Liam's arms and the look in Niall's eyes and tension in Harry's neck, he knows they feel it too. He kisses Harry's neck again, and Harry pulls his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them. Louis leans his head on Harry's back, and they stay like that til they hear a knock on the door, lighter then Alberto's. Harry jerks a little, and Niall rubs a hand down his arm. Louis feels Liam stand up. "I'll get it." He hears Niall stand up too, leaving Harry and Louis leaning on each other. They stay like that, water getting colder, until Louis kisses Harry's neck.

"Come on, love, let's get in some sweats, and eat, maybe we'll watch a movie or something, then we can go to bed," Louis murmurs on Harry's back. Harry nods, and they both stand. Harry get out, and Louis pulls the drain. There. Now the ritual is over, and we can start to heal, Louis thinks as he watches the water run down the drain.

Except it wasn't a ritual and it doesn't change that Zayn left them, aching. Harry comes over, black towel sling past the leaves on his hips, showing a bit of pubic hair, and wraps a purple towel around Louis' bum, and then drying Louis' hair with another.They walk hand in hand to the wardrobe where Louis keeps his clothes and Louis opens a drawer for some sweats and stops in shock. He'd forgotten for a moment that he shared with Zayn, and seeing half the drawer empty hurt a little.

Harry gripped his shoulder, and reached down and shut it. "You can wear some of mine." Louis nods and walks over to Harry's, who doesn't share, having claimed YSL and Gucci and whatever else needs space to breathe. Louis and Zayn had laughed, pretending Harry's flamingo shirt hadn't enough oxygen and preformed cpr on it, declaring it dead after five minutes.

Harry grabs a black tshirt and a grey one and holds them out to Louis to choose. Louis shakes his head and pulls out a bright pink one, and a pair of white boxers he know will barely stay on. Harry smiles, tugs the black shirt on and a pair of red sweats that might have been Liam's. They turn and head out to where Liam, white hoodie and grey shorts clinging to his muscles, and Niall, whose dark blue oversize sweater and running shorts match his eyes, are setting up the coffee table with junk food and snacks.

Niall turns and smiles. "Nice shirt, love." Louis smirks and struts over, modeling. He leans into Niall's ear.

"Bet it'll look better on your bedroom floor, hot stuff." He feels a small smack, not strong enough to hurt, on his arse and turns around. Harry's looking at him like he's edible. "Don't worry, sexy, I got enough body for two." Liam walks in carrying a tray of glasses filled with ice. Louis smirks at him "Or three."

"Got a enough booty that's for sure, " Harry comments and Louis turns and quirks his eyebrows at him, and shakes his ass. He smiles and look down to see what Harry ordered, when he spots the part of the table Niall and Liam are avoiding.

Zayn's ring stares up at him, sparkling off the sunset. He sees the inner part, where the small letters HS LT NH LP ZM and date of their ceremony glare at him, like a campfire flame. Harry and Liam and Niall go quiet, their laughter at Louis' booty shaking gone. Louis picks up the ring, and goes over to small kitchen." Don't," Liam clears his throat."Don't throw it away." Liam's voice is small and shaky. Louis ignores him and grabs a small opaque bag from next to the ice machine. In goes the ring, then Louis chucks in the freezer, behind some ice cream and vodka. Louis looks at the vodka, temptation peaking through him.

"The freezer, love?" Harry voices quirks out. Louis shrugs. "At least we won't have look at it." He stalks back and flips himself over the couch back, landing with a small oof. He turns and looks up at his partners, hand on his hip, best pinup girl look on his face. Harry laughs and sits by Louis' head. Louis pulls himself into Harry's lap, cuddling close. Liam sits down, and runs a finger along Louis' legs. Niall leans against him, but Liam tugs him into his lap as well, laying his head on Harry's shoulder. "This is a lot of junk food, Harry." Louis turns a teasing smile up at him. "Not gonna shove veggies down our throats tonight?"

Harry chuckles, a warm noise that sends vibrations through Louis. "Figured tonight we could use some comfort food." Niall grabs a plate of chips, and some coke, while Louis heads for some mini burgers, and holds one up to Harry's mouth. They take turns feeding each other and laughing when Niall pretends to chase Liam around the couch with a spoon, who pretends to be freaked. Louis grabs the remote, turns the TV on, flicks over to the movie section.

Gone with the Wind pops up. Louis swallows and the giggles die down. "I guess he'll be everywhere til we leave huh." Harry presses a kiss to Louis' neck. He'll be there even when we do move on to the next city, Louis thinks. He'll be in the empty spot on stage, he'll be in photos, asked about in interviews, be written about in articles. He'll be missing in bed, wrapping his arms around Liam, on the tour bus, convincing the driver to stop at Taco Bell, on the couch, curled up behind Niall and Louis, trying to distract them from writing or playing a game to get a blow job. Zayn would be every where but between Liam and Harry where he belonged. Louis blows air through his nose and flips past it, settling on some light hearted Pixar movie.

"This look good? We could use some laughs, ya?" Louis looks at his lovers, who all nod, looking off. Louis clicks it and the title starts to play. He leans his head on Harry's shoulder and stares at the screen, not watching. He thinks about Zayn. His flight would've taken off now. Louis wonders if he's thinking about them. Is he crying? A part of Louis hopes so. Part of him hopes he isn't. Is he listening to the songs they wrote and recorded for each other, some of them released on the track, changed for the hopeful teen girls who want to date them, others to remain theirs, a song secret for their ears only. Like their rings. Is he thinking about how hurt Louis is? How he screamed his name as he left? Maybe he's not doing any of that. Knowing Zayn, maybe he's joking with the bodyguard, watching the in flight action flick, cruising tumblr or Twitter, or flirting with the stewardess to get free drinks and a blow job in the bathroom, like Zayn blew Louis on the way to South Africa. A tear runs down Louis' cheek. Is that why he left? He wanted to fuck someone else? We weren't good enough? He feels a thumb wipe away his tear. He looks up at Harry, who's giving him a sad smile. "You okay, love?" Liam and Niall are looking at him too. He tries to smile but it comes out like a whimper.

"Zayn."

All three give him heartbreaking smiles and he turns his head into Harry's neck. "Why'd he leave? Why? Why...why were we not good enough? Why, I just, I don't understand." Harry hugs him closer and caresses his hand on his arm. "Did he want to...see other people? Was it because we can't be out? Or together always? I want to be so bad you know and I know he didn't like it either and we have plans to live together after this, and I want to spend every second of every day and I just don't understand why he would leave." Niall moves off of Liam's lap and Liam kneels on the floor and presses against Harry's knees and Louis' back and Niall curls against Harry, rubbing Louis' leg.

"I don't know. I've been racking my mind, love, but honestly it was such a shock." Liam mutters and strokes Louis' side. Louis just sobs against Harry's neck. He thought he was done crying today, that his body couldn't handle it, but apparently not, apparently he had some tears still there, some cry behind his spleen or in his left tibia. "It's not our fault, Lou, love."

Louis shakes his head. "We could've done something, you know. We should've seen it! He was our lover, our partner, our best friend, why didn't we notice he was planning on leaving! I don't care about the band, he could've left One Direction and lived in some loft in Soho or London or York or LA. We could've taken care of him. He didn't have to leave us." Louis is a little hysterical on the last part. His hand is gripping Harry's soaked shirt, and there were some tears on Louis' leg from Niall and Louis can hear Liam sniffling. "I really don't care about the band part, we can do this with out him, that's the easy part. But how am I supposed to live knowing one of the men I love doesn't love me back? Why doesn't he love us anymore? Why would he leave?"

Liam pressed his lips to the back of Louis' neck. "Love," he whispered and Louis shivered a little bit. "You'll live because we're still here. We still love you. I know. I know it hurts. But we're here for you. It's gonna hurt and we're gonna be sad, and, no, it's not gonna be the same. But we're still here. We're not going anywhere. We still love you. I love you. So much." Liam presses his lips to Louis' neck and leave them there.

"'M sorry, I'm sorry, I love you guys, I'm sorry, don't leave," Louis sobs out. Harry cradles him closer and Niall rests his head on Louis' shins and Liam's tears wet the back of Louis' neck.

"We're not going anywhere, love, I promise, I promise we aren't going anywhere. We're staying here, right here. It's fine, it's okay, we love you, we love you so much, sweetie, so much." Niall's words carry across Louis' legs and into Louis' chest and he misses Zayn so much, so much, but he has them, he has Liam, he has Harry, he has Niall, and they weren't leaving.

"You won't leave me? Please? I need you, all of you. Louis' voice is shaky. Harry shakes his head. "We'll get old together, love."

Louis sobs and grips Harry closer. "Zayn, he, he promised that, too." And Louis hates himself, but he did, everyday, at the ceremony, when he wore his ring, texting, after sex. "He promised he would always love me. Love us." He even got it tattooed, as much as any of them dared, on his arm. A rose, to match Harry's, with antler like thorns and stems branching out. There were four points, in a chevron pattern, and an n hidden in there somewhere. Louis had memorized it with his fingers, could draw it from memory. Zayn said it was so he'd always have his boys with him. Louis wonders if he'll cover it up.

Harry looks at him sadly, hugs him close. Nuzzles his hair. "I know. But I swear, I'd sew my hip to yours if I could. I'd sew my other hip to Liam, and my shoulder to Niall's so I could never leave you."

Liam chuckles against Louis' neck and Louis squirms. "That'd cause quite a stir," he says.

Harry smiles. "I'd give up this entire thing, just to be with you always you know. I'd go out tomorrow and kiss you and Liam and Niall and tell the whole world if we could. But right now I'm here, and Liam's here, and Niall's here and you're here and that's all that matters."

Louis cries a little and hugs Harry. "Zayn matters. He does. I still love him. I shouldn't but I do." He feels Liam rubbing his side under his stupid pink shirt and he hates himself so much, but he does, he loves Zayn.

"I still love him too, baby, but we need to stay strong. I know, it hurts, I'm so sorry, baby." Louis hears how Liam's voice is breaking. He hates himself even more. Liam moves his hand to his hip, rubbing underneath his waist band. "And if you can't be strong, sweetheart, we'll be strong for you, until you can be."

Harry's head is in Louis' hair, murmuring in agreement. "This'll be hard, baby. But we have each other." They stay like that, crying and hurt and sad, while the upbeat movie plays in the background. Louis hates it. He wants the whole world to be sad and gloomy, his insides matching his surroundings. He thinks of the ring in the freezer, of his half empty drawers, the emptiness of the bath. He hates Zayn. He loves Zayn.

Louis moves away from Liam, turning so his back is against Harry's chest. Liam looks up at him, hurt and confused. Louis leans down, kisses him. Hard. Liam kisses back. He sits up, wraps his arms around Louis' waist. Harry starts kissing his neck, Niall moving to do the same on his side. "Please," Louis whispers against Liam's lips."Make me forget. Make me strong." Liam pulls away and Niall and Harry stop kissing his neck. Louis looks intensely at Liam. "Please, I need this." Liam nods. Harry picks Louis up, carries him into the bedroom, Liam and Niall following, shedding clothes as they go. Harry lays Louis down on the bed and pulls back, stripping quickly, his cock growing beneath his sweat pants. Liam crawls on to the bed, naked, and kisses Louis intensely. He reaches down and rubs Louis' growing hard on, and Louis whines a little. Niall tugs off Louis' shirt and Liam moves down and kisses above his waistband.

"No," Louis pants. "No foreplay. I just need you, all of you in me. Please. Just fuck me."

Liam looks at him and pulls himself up, covers his body with his muscled one. He kisses Louis, and reaches for the lube. "Okay, baby. I need to prep you first though." Louis nods and tugs off his underwear, throwing them across the room. Harry and Niall lie on with side of him, rubbing his body and kissing his neck. Louis pulls up his legs, giving Liam a clear shot to his hole. Liam pours some lube on his fingers, teases Louis' hole with it. "So beautiful, baby."

"Please, Liam." Louis looks at him, begging in eyes. Liam nods and slips his finger into Louis, finding his prostate with practiced ease. Louis whines at the contact, closing his eyes and feeling his lovers touch him. Liam quickly slides another finger in, scissoring his fingers, kissing Louis intensely. "Please, Liam." Liam slides a third in, making sure Louis is properly prepared, and then pulls his fingers out, lining his cock up with Louis' hole. He slides in, and Louis moans. Harry tweaks a nipple and Niall starts sucking his neck, a hickey forming. Louis closes his eyes. "Fuck me, Liam." Liam starts to move, in and out, as Harry rubs Louis' stomach.

"You're okay, babe, right?" Harry whispers. Louis nods. Liam cums quickly, deep in Louis, with a moan. He pulls out and rests on top of Louis for a moment, before kissing him and pulling away, leaving Niall to lube up his fingers and make sure Louis was properly stretched. Liam took Niall's spot, nuzzling Louis' neck, murmuring sweet nothings. Harry watches Louis as Niall fucks him, gently. Harry kisses Louis, and Louis looks up, bittersweetly smiling, before throwing his head back and moaning as Niall hit his prostate. "Don't cum yet, babe," Harry whispers in his ear. Louis nods and swallows.

Niall leans down and kisses Louis, deeply. He tries to make Louis forget, tries to make himself forget. Louis is so beautiful, and he looks up and make eye contact with Niall and squeezes his hole just right, and Niall cums hard, whimpering and moaning. Louis shifts as he feels Niall's cum join Liam's, deep inside him. He kisses Niall and pours his love into it. Niall strokes his cheek and pulls out, laying on top of Liam, who cuddles him, exhausted. Louis closes his eyes. He wishes Zayn was here, to joke, to make Louis scream. He feel a finger poke at his hole, and smiles. "Just fuck me. I'm fine."

Harry kisses him. "You sure, babe?"

Louis swallows. "Please. Just... Just fuck me, Haz. I need this." Harry kisses Louis deeply as he lubes his cock and slides in, hitting Louis' prostate. Louis whimpers and shuts his eyes. Harry and Zayn are almost the same size, so Louis pretends it's Zayn fucking him one last time. He wonders what Harry would say.

Harry rests his hands on either side of Louis' head. "Look at me, babe. Please. I wanna see you." Louis is reluctant to, not wanting to shake his fantasy of Zayn, but eventually looks at Harry, his eyes focused intently on Louis. "You're so amazing, Louis. I love you so much." He starts to thrust, in and out.

"Harder, Haz, please." Louis wraps hands around Harry's back, digging his nails in the skin. Harry rocks harder. Liam grips Louis' cock and Niall rubs his nipples, his chest, all his sensitive spots, and Louis feels like he's gonna explode.

"Gonna cum, love," Louis rasps out. Liam rubs his balls, and his shaft, and Harry make sure he hits his prostate on every thrust. "Cum for me, baby." Harry's voice is low and raspy, and Louis throws his head back and cums hard, squeezing Harry's cock, which made Harry explode into Louis. Harry pulls out, kisses Louis, and grabs Niall's old briefs and wipes off Louis' chest. Niall and Liam curl around him, and Harry lays on top of him. Louis swallows, and closes his eyes. It doesn't feel right. There's a missing body. Louis squeezes his hole and feels his lovers cum in him. Harry flips them over, wraps his arms around louis, and Liam and Niall rub Louis' back.

"I love you guys," Louis whispers. The boys mutter their love back, and Harry holds Louis tighter.

"Sleep, love. You'll feel better in the morning," Harry murmurs in his ear. Louis isn't sure about that, but he closes his eyes and cuddles into Harry's chest. Maybe this is a dream. Louis hopes so.

The next morning, Louis wakes up on a hard, naked chest, four arms wrapped around his waist. He counts the bodies he feels, and shakes his head. It wasn't a dream. Zayn did leave. Louis cuddles into Harry's chest. He's not looking forward to today, to the show, or to his phone. He should probably check it, send his mum a quick message, check in on Lottie, double check the schedule. He doesn't want to. There won't be a message from Zayn, might even be the announcement he left. He feels a hand run through his hair and looks up at Harry, who's smiling sleepily at him.

"You okay, love?" Harry asks.

Louis looks at him. "I need to text mum. But..." Harry smiles at him.

"Here, I'll help." Harry reaches across Liam and opens the drawer where they keep their phones, so they can have privacy and quiet. Louis swallows and Harry glares at the phone a bit. "Fucking press." Louis looks at him. Harry shakes his head. "It's nothing, babe." Harry taps a few times and brings up Louis' mum messages, before handing it to Louis. Louis looks at his screen.

I'm sorry about the news, love. Call me as soon as you can. I love you.

Louis looks up at Harry. "The news is out." Harry rubs his back and Louis buries his head into Harry's chest. He doesn't hear Liam wake up, but he feels his lips on his cheek, and Louis takes a deep breath. "I'm okay." Liam nods.

"We should go shower, get ready to face the day," Liam says. Louis doesn't want to, wants to spend all day in bed with his lovers, caressing and kissing and telling each other it'll be okay. But he can't. Can't shows how much this hurts him, at least not more then a band member leaving a band. Liam tugs him closer. "Let's go shower."

Louis sits up. Harry follows, running his hand through Louis's hair. "I should call mum first," Louis mutters. Liam nods and heads towards the bathroom. Harry offers to stay and wake Niall up. Louis takes his phone, and heads out to the balcony, sits on the chair, and dials his mothers number. She answers on the second ring.

"Oh, Louis, how are you?" Pity rings through her voice and Louis hates it. He doesn't want pity. "I can't believe it. Are you okay?"

No, he thinks, I'm not okay. A man I loved left me for no good reason. "Mum," he says, his voice cracking. "He left. Not just the band, mum." He feel tears running down his cheeks.

"Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry."

"He just left, mum. I don't understand. I thought he loved me, us. But he just... He just left, mum. He left."

"Lou, sweetie, I'm sorry. I know. Are the other boys there? Are they taking care of you?"

"Yeah. But it's not the same. It hasn't even been twenty four hours and, oh mum, it hurts."

"I know, sweetheart. I'm so sorry."

"Liam keeps saying it's not our fault, but mum, what if it is? What if he left because of us?" Because of me.

"No, Louis, don't you dare think that. It wasn't your fault, love."

Louis wipes his tears away. "How are the girls?"

"They're good, but sweetie, I wanna talk about you. How you're doing."

"I'm fine, mum. I have the boys. I'll be okay."

"I'm glad."

"I've gotta go, mum. Busy day." He doesn't want to hang up. He wants his mum, to have her bring him tea and run her hand through his hair and sing to him and watch crappy 80's movies like they did when he was a young and sick.

"I love you, Louis."

He clears his throat. " I love you, mum. I'll call you later. Bye." He hangs up before he does something stupid like cry again. He hears the door open and feels a body press against him. He closes his eyes. "Niall's in the shower. Harry's getting breakfast. You okay?" Louis leans back, against Liam. Liam adjusts his weight, swings around until he has Louis between his legs, puts his head on Louis' shoulder.

"I don't know if I can do this, Li. They'll ask about him, have signs, wanna talk about him. I wanna go back to bed." Liam kisses Louis' neck, on Niall's hickey. That'll take some magic to cover, to keep from speculating. He hates this. He hates hiding. He can't even mourn his boyfriend leaving him.

"I know, babe. We'll be right here. The whole time." Except he can't draw comfort from Harry, can't lean on Niall and give him heart eyes, can't hug Liam when he feels like his heart is breaking like it is now. "Then we can come back, and sleep. And tomorrow we'll leave, and maybe it'll be better in the next place." Except it won't, because Zayn won't be there to joke with Louis as they drive, to hold Niall when he gets carsick, to play psp with Harry. He closes his eyes. "I hope so. I hope it goes well tonight."

It doesn't. Louis' heart isn't in the show that night, and he's afraid the fans can tell. When he sings Strong, he has to hold back tears. Liam and Harry put on a great show, not saying a word about Zayn, but bantering with the audience, with each other, with Niall when he feels up to it. They tiptoe around Louis, giving him encouraging smile and singing his solos when Louis feels as though he'll sob right there on stage. He's quiet, and he hates it.

When it's over, Louis does the meet and greet like a puppet, plastering a smile on his face and moving how the fans want to. When he can touch Liam or Niall he feels so much better, grounded by them. Their smiles are fake, all of them, moving in a dream, til they can go to the hotel and curl up around each other.

In the van ride back, Louis keeps to himself in the back. The others are silent. It's not the usual trip back, full of adrenaline and sexual innuendos and touching until they get caught, laughing at their handlers' faces who hiss "Can't you just wait til you get back?" They get to the hotel and wave to the fans gathered outside. Louis doesn't sign anything, doesn't take a photo, just heads inside, and upstairs, while Liam and Niall and Harry do fan service with fake smiles.

Louis goes straight to his phone, checks it for messages. There's some from Oli, from his mates back at home, who tell him their apologies for Zayn leaving. There's some from people who knew about them, and they just send him "here to talk when you need to" texts. There's some from Twitter, about David Beckham tweeting, about 'Liam' tweeting something about Zayn, about Harry telling everyone they had a great show. There's nothing from Zayn. His last message is still unread, a series of emoji that Louis thinks is sexual. He doesn't check Twitter or tumblr or Facebook or google alerts. He knows what will pop up.

Louis goes to the fridge instead, grabs a pint of chocolate ice cream, and sees the bag that contains Zayn's ring. He looks at his own, having been put on while he grabbed his phone, and takes the ring out. He heads to the living room, puts the bag on the newly clean table, and opens his ice cream. He looks at the bag as he eats, glaring. He hears the door opens, feels his lovers' eyes on him. They head straight for the bedroom, and come back almost immediately, rings on their fingers. Liam heads towards the kitchen, fiddles with the freezer and drawer, while Harry and Niall sit on the couch by Louis. Liam comes in, passes out ice cream and spoons. Louis stands and motions to his seat. When Liam sits down, Louis curls up in his lap. They're quiet, staring at the bag on the table. Louis swallows and closes his eyes. "We should...do something with it," he says.

Harry rubs his knee. "Like what?" Burn it. Throw it in mordor. Tie it to a rocket and send it to the mars. Louis thinks. Anything but stare at it. "Dunno. Burn it." Louis shrugs Everyone giggles a little.

Liam tightens his arms briefly and kisses Louis' neck. "We should pack. We have an early day tomorrow."

Louis grabs the bag and heads into the room, following Harry closely. He pads straight to his wardrobe, grabs his suitcase, just shoves each of the drawers contents in. When he gets to the bottom one, he sees a black hoodie, white ties peeking out from under the sleeves. Zayn's. He left it here on purpose, leaving it on top. Louis knows because last night these drawers were just his things. Well his things from the boys. One of Harry's scarves he stole, an ugly grandpa shirts, a pair of boxers, wrapped around a bottle of cologne. Liam's soft dove grey t shirt, some briefs with his deodorant tucked inside. A footie sweater of Niall's, and a pair of his boxers briefs with some hair goop Louis doesn't quite understand. And Zayn's underwear and purple sweater, shampoo nestled gently between the sleeves. His lacy scrap of a panty is there, folded in the middle of it all. Zayn must've tucked the sweater in there.

Louis likes this drawer. It smells of his boys, has their things so when he is alone, he could smell them, wear their clothes, hug them. He pulls out the purple sweater and underwear around the shampoo, adds his lacy blue panties and the bagged ring to it. He wraps them together, shoves them towards the bottom, buries them beneath his clothes. The rest he tucks in the special section he has just for them. He lays Zayn's hoodie on top, closes the top, zips it. He strips down to his boxers, putting his worn clothes in his laundry bag.

Louis goes over to where Liam is packing out of his shared wardrobe with Niall, snags one of his shirts, tugs it on. Liam smiles at him, rubs his hip, pulls him onto his lap. "I love you in my clothes."

Louis giggles and peeks up at him through his lashes. "Maybe I should stop buying clothes then, just wear yours and Harry's and Niall's."

Liam presses a kiss to his forehead. "Wouldn't mind that," he chuckles, and Louis feels it deep inside himself.

"Well, except I couldn't wears Hazza's cause he's a fucking giraffe who dresses like a grampa. And Niall doesn't smell as good you, so I'll only wear your clothes, Li."

"I smell like an angel, Lou." Niall stands in front of Liam and Louis, shoves his sock in Louis' nose. Louis wrinkles his nose and Liam pushes Niall's hand out of the way.

"Angel of stink, babe," Liam says and Niall sticks his tongue out.

"And you love my grampa shirts." Harry settles next to Liam, his expensive leather bag next to Louis' slightly more beat up blue one, packed and ready for tomorrow.

"Only because you button them once and I can see your nip nips in public and play with them in private." Louis smiles at him, reaches out, and flicks Harry's top left nipple, airing out as Harry just wore his tiny briefs Louis loves because they show off his crazy long legs.

"Nip nips?" Nail laughs. "What are we, twelve?"

Louis looks confused. "What do you want me to call them? Harry's titties hat?"

Harry chuckles. "I like it." Louis flicks it again.

"He likes it. And as the man with the most titty hats, he gets the final say. Nip nips are now titty hats." They all laugh, and Louis shifts to Harry's lap to let Liam finish packing. He straddles Harry, look at him with hooded lids, leans into his ear. "I really really like all your titty hats," Louis whispers and rubs his hands across Harry's chest. Harry shivers and arches upwards. Liam hurries through his packing, Niall helping, while Louis kisses Harry, wraps his arms around his neck, tugs on his curls, presses his chest to Harry's. Harry wraps his arms around Louis' waist, and falls back onto the floor. He bucks up, presses his length against Louis' crotch. Louis pulls his lips away, kisses downs Harry's neck, his chest, nipping at his nipples as wanders down to his belly button.

Niall and Liam are finally done packing and Liam leans down and kiss Harry. "You're wearing too many clothes. The both of you," Harry's voice rasps out.

Louis kisses Harry's belly button, holding down his hips. He slowly peels off Harry's underwear. "Liam, be a sweet and get the lube and prep me. I found a farmer to ride." Liam scoots over to the dresser, grabs the lube, scoots back. He kneels behind Louis, kisses his neck. Louis presses his butt into Liam's naked crotch. Niall lays by Harry's head, kisses him gently. Harry works his big hand through Niall's hair, kisses him, palms his hard on.

Louis takes Harry into his mouth. Harry moans into Niall's kiss. Liam had worked off Louis' boxers, buries his face into Louis' ass, slips his tongue onto Louis' hole. Louis makes a noise deep in his throat against Harry's cock and Harry takes his hand and places it on Louis's head, combing his fingers through his locks. Liam lubes his finger, slips it inside Louis, who makes a choked, gagging noise around Harry that makes Harry moan in Niall's mouth. Liam preps him quickly and when he slides his fingers out and slaps Louis' bum, Louis pulls away from Harry's cock. Harry whines and reaches down to pull Louis back on.

"Patience, Harry! Lou's just get your cock all nice lubed so he can ride you," Niall admonishes. He leans down and kisses Harry harder, swallowing Harry's moans.

Louis finishes lubing Harry up, then raises his hips til he's lined up with Harry's cock. "Ready, love?" he whispers. Harry grips his hips and urges him down. Liam crawls over to Niall, slips a finger inside the Irish boy, who yips. Liam chuckles, and kisses his neck.

"Come over here, Niall, wanna suck you off while I ride Harry and Liam fucks you." Niall groans and kneels by Harry's side, Liam following him closely. He finishes prepping Niall quickly, then presses his cock into him. Niall whimpers, and Louis leans down, his hips never stop moving, up and down on Harry, to take Niall into his mouth.

"Fuck, Lou, you look so fucking sexy doing that, yeah, fucking riding me, sucking off Niall, you're such a little cockslut aren't you, fuck," Harry rambles out, gripping Louis hard enough to leave purplish bruises on Louis's hips for the next few days. "A cock in every hole, God, you're sexy, harder, ride me harder, babe, that's it."

Louis smirks and hums around Niall, leaving the blond to put his hands in Louis' hair and lean back against Liam, letting the brunette wrap his arms around his waist, stroke Louis' face. Louis looks at him through his eyelashes and nods at Liam, who starts to thrust harder, angling to hit Niall's prostate. Louis licks the tip and reaches beneath Niall to play with Liam's balls and all of a sudden, Liam grips Niall's waist harder and bites his shoulder, cumming hard. Niall shivers at this feeling, and Louis stop moving for a second, just sits in Harry fully, to start fucking his mouth on Niall, humming and moaning and nuzzling until Niall jerks against Liam's arms and cum down Louis' throat. Louis grins and feels a touch of Niall's cum slip out of his mouth. He leaves it there and leans back over Harry, continuing his movements, only harder, faster.

Louis kisses Harry and mutters against his lips. "You feel so good in me, so fucking hot. Can you taste Niall in my mouth? Are you gonna fill me with your cum, babe, gonna fill me up, dirty little cockslut I am?" Harry groans against Louis' mouth, rakes his nails down Louis' back, Louis' cock rubbing on his stomach. "Fucking cum in me babe, that's it," Louis mutters and squeezes his hole. Harry moans and shudders, trembles as he explodes into Louis. Louis shakes as he feels Harry cum, feels Harry reach down and stroke him, feels Harry thrust a little bit. Harry strokes him once, twice, three times and then Louis cums, spilling his seed over Harry's strong stomach and his own chest. He falls onto the puddle, exhausted and sated and trembling with pleasure. Harry wraps his arms around the smaller boy, and Liam and Niall reach out and stroke his back.

This was different then last night, hotter, raunchier, dirtier. Louis was back to his normal self, at least a little bit, and this insane round of fucking made him feel a tad more normal. They lay like that, spread out in the floor, taking in each other's company. Louis hums contentedly, and Harry strokes his hair, kisses him on the forehead, rubs Louis' bum. Liam gets up first and returns with two damp wash cloths, hands them to Louis and Harry, who move apart. Louis still straddles Harry, just sits up and wipes himself off of Harry's stomach. Harry does the same to his chest, and Niall gets up, presses his lips to Louis', licks the bit of cum off Louis' lips.

Louis kisses Harry one last time before rolling off of him, grabs the boxers Liam had been wearing and tugs them on. He crawls into bed, waits for Niall to press against his back, for Harry to spoon his front, for Liam to lay on his stomach next to Harry, throwing his arm all the way across the closely knit boys beside him. They all mutter their good nights and I love you's, kisses whatever body part is close to them, and one by one, fall asleep.

Except Louis. Louis waits until all breaths have evened out, until Harry mutters a bit in his sleep, until Niall's arm slackens around his waist. He waits one breath, two breath, three breath, and then slips out from his lovers' arms, goes to grab his phone from the living room, then pauses to reach into his suitcase for Zayn's sweater to wrap around his bare torso.

Louis heads out into the darkness, sits on the chair he called his mum in earlier, where he sunbathed yesterday, where Liam rubbed lotion onto his bum. He pulls out his phone, goes to favorite contacts, hits 'Beautiful Z' It rings and he puts it up to his ear.

"H'lo?" Zayn's voice is rough and deep and beautiful. "Zayn," he breathes. Zayn.

"Lou? What...are you okay?"

Tears prickle his eyelids. "No, no I'm not. I need to know why."

"Why?"

"Why." He clears his throat. Zayn's end shifts a bit as Zayn sits up, stretching. "Why you left."

"Ba...Louis, go to bed. It's late here. It's even later there. You have an early morning."

"No. Five years, Zayn. Five. Tell me why. I deserve to know why." We all do, Louis thinks. But his mind goes back to last night, Liam talking about his hurt and staying strong and together when Louis brought up Zayn, Harry's quiet sadness and anger, Niall running around trying to make things better, burying his own pain to please everyone. It's up to him. He needs to know, needs to make it up to his boys for last night. You can do this, Louis, he thinks.

Louis doesn't hear the door open, doesn't hear Niall step out and lean on the frame, doesn't see his smile as he looks at the brunette, curled up on the chair.

"Love..." Zayn clears his throat and Louis feels his heart pound at the familiar pet name. "Louis, please go to bed. We can...we can talk later."

"Was there someone else?" he demands. It's quiet and forceful, but scared. Scared of a yes.

"Never, Lou." Louis shakes his head and a tear falls down his cheek and Niall wants to to go and cuddle him, take his phone away and kiss away his tears. But Louis needs this. They all do.

"Then why, Zayn. Why. You made a commitment to us. We're your..."

"My partners, I know." Louis cringes at Zayn's voice is harsh and fed up, anger stretching across the countries and burying into Louis' soul. He's never directed that tone towards Louis before. He wraps an arm around his tummy.

"I'm 22. Fucking 22. This is fucked up. I was basically married to four guys at 21." Louis shakes his head at the was.

"But you love...loved us." Louis fiddles his ring with his thumb. A nervous habit. Zayn sighs.

"I do. Did. I still love you and Liam and Niall and Harry, Lou. But we're young. What happens when we get older? After One Direction?"

"We'll still love each other. We made a commitment. You still remember that word, Zayn? Commitment? That promise you made us a year ago? I didn't realize forever only lasted a year."

Louis' hands are shaking. He needs a cigarette. But he gave them up, for Liam. For Harry. For Niall. We want you around for a long time. Zayn didn't quit, and maybe that's when he should've realized that Zayn was acting different. Louis was willing to do anything for his boys, but Zayn wasn't. Occasionally, Louis snuck one after he smoked up with the boys, or when it was just him and Zayn, or when he was writing. He decides right then to give them up for good. If Zayn can give up us, I can give up cigarettes, he thinks, determined.

"We were young. So young. Harry's 21, Lou, he was twenty when he got married to four guys. You were 22. You don't think this is just some phase, a relationship of convenience? That when this is over, we'd want something..."

Louis sets his jaw. Convenient? This? If he wanted convenient, he would date Elenour, not an abnormal relationship between the five...four of them. He wouldn't date actually, he decides. Just fuck random guys in each city and live alone, let himself be seen with a chick every once in while for the hetero rumors. This isn't convenient. "Real? This isn't real? The love I felt for you...feel for you is real. The rings are real."

"Lou, it's fucked up. Four guys, and I can't...couldn't hold you, couldn't kiss you, any of you in public. I have to hide. That makes it not real, and I hate it. And if we're caught? We're toast. Who does that? Who marries four guys? We'd be freaks."

Louis shakes his head some more. "You did. I did. I married four men I love. So that why, hmm, our relationship is abnormal, and people might judge us. And there's a small, tiny, microscopic chance we might pull a runner. Like you." His tone is bitchy, a voice he usually save for management or interviewers or Taylor. It's his stuck up tone he uses when he's mad at something. He's never used it on one of his boys before.

"Louis. Lou, babe..."

"No, you don't get to call me that. Not anymore."

"Lou, I want you to move in with me."

Louis stills, his hand rubbing the sleeve of his hoodie on his exposed thigh. "What? Excuse me?"

"Move in with me, ba...Lou. During break. We can...we can go to uni, we can go on real dates."

"You want me to leave?" Niall gapes silently. Grips the door handle. Niall's stomach hurts. "Leave this band? Leave...leave Liam and Niall and Harry?" Louis closes his eyes.

Louis can see it. He could move in with Zayn, go to uni, get his degree in English or drama, teach somewhere. Zayn could major art, and they could cook dinner together, and go out holding hands, to a movie they don't watch, or dinner where they can play footie without a handler watching and glaring when they're too obvious. They could adopt a kid, or two, regale them with tales of how they used to world famous pop stars. They could be comfortable.

But it's wrong. The wrong type of comfort Louis wants. There's no Harry to cater to the child's every wish, no Liam to insist on the movie being something artsy, no Niall to cuddle with after school. Liam wouldn't be able to sleep wrapped around Louis. Harry wouldn't have Louis to help him to paint his nails and help with his hair, to whisper that he was gorgeous no matter what, but if this is what Harry wants, he would only get the best hair braider in Doncaster. Niall wouldn't get to play sports with Louis and fall in an exhausted heap on the couch, dirtying it. Louis can see it and it's so wrong his bones ache thinking about it.

"No."

His voice threatens to crack.

"I'm not moving in with you, not leaving the men I made a commitment to. I keep my promises to those I love. I'm not leaving them to go live your definition of normal. I love them. I love our definition of normal. I love them, and I can't live with out them. Not right now. Maybe later, we'll agree that this was a phase, we can move on, but I... I highly doubt it."

"Louis..."

"No, you don't get to insult my relationship, ask me to leave them, then judge me for saying no."

"I'm not judging you. I'm sorry, Louis. It was an offer. You hate this, too, just as much as I did, maybe more. You try to hide it but I know you, Louis. You want to be able to travel with them, go on vacations and hold hands, lean on us during songs. I can see it, Louis. I'm offering some normalcy, for once in your life, in a relationship."

"I told you. This is normal. My normal. Their normal. It was our normal. Take your 'normalcy' and shove it in your ass. Good bye, Zayn."

Zayn's silent on the other end. He sighs and "Good bye, Louis." There's a pause, a beat, a breath where they both wait, jungle cat tense, waiting for the other to hang up. Zayn save Louis the trouble and Louis powers his phone off. If he leaves it on, he'll obsess, and think, and maybe break, call Zayn back, take him of his offer of normalcy and Louis doesn't want to give himself the opportunity.

Niall clears his throat then and Louis jumps, turns around. "Hi. Sorry, I didn't mean to listen in but..." Louis pats the chair beside him. Niall goes over, sits down, hesitates. Louis picks up Niall's hand, traces the vines of his blood beneath his skin of his hand with his thumb, kisses his middle finger. He wraps his hands around it, puts it in his lap. Nial starts to rub his back, and Louis leans into the touch, relaxing against Niall.

"How much did you hear?"

Louis' words hang in the air in front of them.

"Er, well, all of it. Yeah. I, hum, heard Zayn, well, offer..."

"And you heard me reject him." Louis' voice is calm.

"Yeah. I'm not gonna lie, I kinda got worried. He's right, you know, he could offer you a normal..." Louis cuts off Niall with sharply hissed "normal". He looks up into Niall's blue eyes, tightens his hands around Niall's. Niall rubs his back a bit slower, up and down, dipping into the dimples on his back, trailing his fingers along his spine.

"I never want to hear that word again. This is normal, Niall, our normal. God, I wouldn't give this up for anything. I wouldn't leave. I'd rather hide our relationship for an infinite eternities before I go be a drama teacher in a normal relationship for a year. Normal. I don't want normal, Niall. I want you. I want you, I want Liam, I want Harry. I want this. If that asshole wants normal, he'll have to find it somewhere else because I'm not leaving." His voice is angry, harsh. By the time he finishes, he's panting a little. Niall leans back, rests his legs on the lounge chair, one on each side of Louis, who's looking at him, anger and hurt shining through his eyes.

"Our version of normal then," Niall says quietly.

"Yes." Louis replies. "Our version of normal." He rests his head on Niall's chest, lets go of Niall's hand, slips his own under the oversize Barcelona shirt Niall's wearing. Niall holds him, and they breathe together, eyes closed, on the edge of sleep, until the sun peeks out over the sky line.

Liam wanders outside, stretching. "Are you alright, Louis? Niall?"

They both open theirs eyes, shift from too long held positions, but Niall keeps his arms around Louis. Harry's awake and outside too, carrying a blanket. He puts it over Louis' and Niall's bare legs, sits down on the edge, looks at them.

"I called him." Louis keeps his voice even.

They don't ask who he is and Louis doesn't clarify. They all know. Louis doesn't look at any of them, just stares across the city, unblinking.

"You called him?" Harry asks. Liam drags a chair up behind them, sits down, puts a hand on Niall's arm.

Louis nods. "I called him."

"What'd... What'd he say?" Liam's voice is quiet in the early morning. Louis swallows, looks up at Niall, who gives him fond eyes and an encouraging nod. Louis nods back. Liam and Harry watch the silent conversation. Louis looks back across the city, where families are waking up, getting breakfast, going to jobs. Loving. Living. Normal.

"He said it's fucked up, our relationship. He was 21, and married to four men. He was worried about people finding out. He said it wasn't normal. That we'll get tired of each other and leave. That this is just convenient. Convenient, honestly. It's like he didn't live with us for five years." He clears his throat. Niall presses his lips to Louis's cheek, and Louis takes one of Niall's hands and grips it. He feels Harry's hand on his leg, caressing, looking at him with those sleepy doe eyes Louis loves. Liam runs his hand through his hair, pushing forward into his eyes.

"What else?" Harry asks, hesitant, holding back, his voice sounding like its caught in the back of his throat.

"Tell 'em, babe," Niall whispers into his hair. "They deserve to know."

Louis looks up at him, then turns to look at Harry. "He asked me to move in with him. Over break. He asked me to leave you all. He offered me normalcy." Louis doesn't blink, doesn't fidget, just stares at Harry's pink lips as Harry starts to shake his head, as Liam stills his hand, as Niall clears his throat. "I imagined it. It felt comfortable. But it was wrong."

"Wrong?" Liam asks. "How?"

Louis shakes his head. "Because. You weren't there. It wasn't my version of normal, our version. It was his, it was society's, it was comfortable, but it was wrong. I told him to take his normalcy and shove it up his ass." He's still looking at Harry, at his lips as Harry seems to relax.

Louis reaches out and Harry climbs up, grips Louis' hand where he's holding on to Niall for dear life. Liam rests his lips in Louis' hair.

"I needed that. I needed to call him. We needed to know, and I needed to hear him say it," Louis whispers. Harry nods, and Niall holds him tighter and Liam murmurs into his hair. They stay like that, Louis looking at Harry, and they just take in the information Louis gave them. Louis shifts, his arse sore, his back and arms and legs stiff. Harry kisses him, and Louis feels the love moving through him.

"Don't start something you can't finish!" Liam says. "We have two hours, Louis needs a shower, we all need showers actually, we need breakfast.
"Tea," Louis chimes in, smiles at Liam sweetly. "Me and Liam'll go shower. You go get breakfast and tea, Hazza, lots of tea, a gallon if you can, with Niall. Then when you get back we can eat, and then you two can shower together while me and Liam pack what needs to finish packing and get it down to the bus."

Harry pouts. "No time for shower sex, love?"

Louis smirks at him. "Liam'll have a conniption. He'll keep me focused, and then I'll blow you in the bus, ya? Then tonight, after the show the three of us can have long, hot shower sex, while Liam can wait outside and wank, fucking pervert he his."

Louis hears Liam growl, feels him rub his hip, and then he mutters into Louis' hair, "I'll show just how perverted I am tonight. There's a lingerie store near the hotel tonight, you know. Those panties of yours are getting old, and I think Sophia needs me to send her some new ones."

"Talking about Sophia while trying to get Louis to have sex with you, good plan, Payno," Niall laughs. Louis crinkles his eyes with a grin. They could this. They could make a new version of normal. One with the four of them. They'd be strong. Louis knows, as long as he has them, he doesn't need society's version of normal. He leans back onto Niall, moves a hand to hold Liam's on his hip, looks at Harry.

"I love you guys. You make me stronger. Thank you," Louis says, quietly. They all smile at him, then Harry throw himself on top of Louis, tickles his sides. Niall grabs his wrists and Liam starts moving his fingers up and down Louis' back. Louis screams with laughter, shaking and begging them to stop, squirming. They all fall into a pile on the chair and Louis thinks again. We can do this.

This was their normal and it made him strong.