Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A young girl named Sky (sometimes Ozzy) sits in a restaurant, typing on her phone. It just so happens that today is...

Ozzy: Oh, shut your up. I'll write my own intro, thank you, Narrator.

Well, fine, be like that!

Ozzy: Sorry, it's just I'm currently not at home, and I'd rather not have you describe my uncle and my mom. That's just weird.

Alright, fair enough, I suppose... continue.

Ozzy: Thanks!

Hi, everyone! I'm Sky, or Ozzy, or Nickel, but I won't be going by that last one during this, cause... well, that'd be confusing as hell. You'll see what I mean.

So, yeah, this is a character elimination show! Inspired by Epichaxboi's, but also Dollar Store's, because why not? It won't be done here, though, of course... (Narrator, that's your cue!)

Oh, yes, right. A-hem.

The camera zooms in on the phone and suddenly the busy restaurant transforms into a lush mansion painted in black and with mint trim, gardens spilling out behind it. The host has golden hair chopped short, blue eyes behind black glasses, and is wearing white boots, black pants, a black Inanimate Insanity shirt, and a mint fluffy jacket. They smile as they fan out a set of invites, each with a return sticker on them and a green checkmark.

Ozzy: We'll be doing them here! Thanks, Narrator. Now, these invites, as the Narrator said, have all been returned- I sent them all to the proper characters and got a go from them. Well... there were some I was going to ask who weren't them, but...

The screen cuts to 5 envelopes, each with a red X on them. They're labeled "Oodle", "Bandu", "Henry", "Monika", and "Papyrus". The screen cuts back to Ozzy.

Ozzy: Yeah, five of the original ones I had planned declined. Henry, Monika, and Papyrus were busy with other shows, and Oodle and Bandu were busy with their jobs, so I sent invites to replacements. I did end up getting a Henry, though he's definitely not the original.

He is from a universe called "The Volt Switch Collection", if I remember correctly. It's a universe where the government and Toppat characters swap sides, I believe.

Ozzy: Right on the nose! The West Mesa and Wall characters also swap jobs. I made that AU with Dinsfire24, by the way, so credit to them as well. But for now...

The host tosses out the twenty checkmarked invites, each of which make a portal from which a character walks out. They all marvel at the mansion, then look at each other with varying levels of surprise and confusion.

Ozzy: Welcome to Let's Try This!

Sadly, there's no intro, so just... pretend there is, alright? 

Ozzy: Oh, hush, you.

A nickel with legs walks forward, eyeing the host suspiciously.

Character unlocked!

Nickel

Universe: Inanimate Insanity

Species: Object

Sarcasm: To the max

Where in timeline: S3E11

Nickel: Hey, lady. This is the show I signed up for, right? I thought this was an object show.

Ozzy: Sorry to disappoint you, ha! No, this is a character elimination show. Basically an object show, but not limited to objects. Allows for a lot more creativity! And also hopefully not as heavy as your show.

Nickel: Say what now? What do you mean my show is heavy ?

Ozzy: With angst. Though not nearly as bad as ONE. I debated adding Abstracty, but... nah. Anyway, get used to seeing non-object characters. Same goes for you, Blue.

The blue bouncy ball 'hmph's.

Character unlocked!

Blue

Universe: Contest For The Diamond / Battle For Fries From Wendy's 

Species: Object (with near god-like powers)

Blue: ball

Where in timeline: BFFFW Episode 11b

Blue: I've seen other universes. Not a big deal to me. Though I am curious about the nickel's show...

Nickel: Stay the hell away from me.

Ozzy: Break it up, you two! Actually, everyone break up! Your first challenge is a two-parter. Make teams of five, and then name them! The team with my least favorite name loses and is up for elimination. Ready... begin!

She snaps her fingers, then disappears. Everyone is left to their own devices, and the first chance he gets, Nickel walks away from Blue and up to a teenager with a green hoodie, slip-on shoes, brown hair, and an axe.

Character unlocked!

Lore

Universe: Heartbound

Species: Human

Dog: Gone

Where in timeline: After The Tower, good path

Nickel: Hey.

Lore: Hey.

Nickel: You don't seem all that surprised to see a walking object.

Lore: I've seen weirder.

Nickel: Wow. ...wanna team?

Lore: Don't see why not.

Nickel: Cool.

A pink- wait, no- magenta stick figure wearing a police badge and hat of the same color walks up and joins them.

Character unlocked!

Magenta "Jenny" Clark

Universe: The Night at Bobert's 

Species: Stick figure

Tired: Dear god yes

Where in timeline: After TNaB 4

Jenny: Saw you guys were forming a team. Can I join? I don't want to have to think about it too much so I'm just joining the first group I see.

Lore: Ha, mood.

Nickel: I'd probably do the same, so I can respect that. Welcome aboard.. what's your name?

Jenny: I'm Jenny. I'm a police officer.

Lore: Neat, I'm Lore. I don't have a job.

Nickel: Me either, but I'm on a reality show.

???: Reality show, huh?

Two people walk up to the new group, having been previously chatting. One is a teen with a shock of white-blond hair and round sunglasses, and the other is a short, mustachioed man with blue overalls. They're both wearing red shirts.

Characters unlocked!

Dave Strider 

Universe: Homestuck 

Species: God-tiered human

Stairs: I told you man!

Where in timeline: Long after the webcomic (I'm not acknowledging the epilogues)

Mario

Universe: Mario: The Music Box

Species: Human

Deaths: 196

Where in timeline: After the main game's True End

Dave: What's that like?

Nickel: Chaotic.

Mario: Sounds about right. I mean, the closest I got to reality TV was a kart race, and that was extremely chaotic.

Lore looks around at the little group they've made, as well as the pairs that started to form around them.

Lore: I think we've got 5 members. Wanna call it a team?

Jenny: That's good enough for me.

Dave: Don't we need a team name, though?

Nickel: "Sarcasm Central".

Mario: I was thinking of "Tired Of This Shit".

Lore: Darn, I like both...

Jenny: Just combine them. Since Nickel said his first, why don't we put his first, then... I never caught your name?

Mario: It's Mario- this is Dave.

Dave: Yo.

Jenny: Right, then put Mario's after in parentheses.

Dave: How are we gonna tell the host, though?

Nickel: I got this.

Taking a deep breath, Nickel yells into the air.

Nickel: HEY, OZZY!

Ozzy appears next to the newly founded team in an instant.

Ozzy: Yes?

Nickel: We've got a team and a name.

Ozzy: Haha, not surprised the one with contestant experience came up with a team first. So, it's you five right? What's the name?

Lore: Sarcasm Central (Tired Of This Shit).

Did... did he just say the parentheses out loud?

Ozzy: Pfft- okay, I like that, and it's also accurate, especially for you guys. I'll probably end up calling you guys the Sarcasmers, though, is that alright?

All the Sarcasmers shrug.

Ozzy: Alriight! One team down! Now back to drawing.

Ozzy disappears into thin air as the Sarcasmers begin to talk amongst themselves again.

Meanwhile, a few minutes ago, a young boy (though not of the human species) with a spade visor on his face frowned at the newly-being-created team. He scanned the area around him, spotting specifically four other people in blue, and triumphantly runs over to the nearest one, a ninja in blue garb, one of the arms metallic.

Characters unlocked!

Lancer

Universe: Deltarune 

Species: Darkner

Bad guy: The baddest!!!! >:]

Where in timeline: After Chapter Two

Jay Walker

Universe: Ninjago

Species: Human

ADHD: Probably

Where in timeline: Post S13

Lancer: You there!!

Jay: Who, me?

Lancer: Yes, you! The one in blue!

Lancer pulls Jay down by his arm and theatrically whispers to him about his team idea. Jay grins, clearly enamored by the idea- and quickly getting along with the kid.

Jay: I like how you think! I'll get the cube and ball, you get the mug?

Lancer: You're good with these sort of plans... what's your name?

Jay: I'm Jay Walker! I've heard the puns about my name plenty of times, haha.

Lancer: Well, crime boy Jay, I am Lancer, king of Card Castle! I am making you my cadet until further notice. Now go get that cube!

Jay salutes with a grin, then they both break 'character' and laugh. 

Jay: Meetcha back here, King Lancer!

Lancer: Good luck, Cadet Crime Boy!!

Jay runs off to where a cyan cube is floating in midair, somehow giving a disappointed look to Blue despite not even having a face.

Character unlocked!

Cyan (?)

Universe: Just Shapes and Beats

Species: Shape

Dodging: 100

Where in timeline: After Story Mode (including The Lost Chapter)

Blue rolls his eyes as he sees Jay running up to them.

Blue: What is it?

Cyan: >:/

Blue: I'll be as rude as I want.

Cyan: >:(

Jay: I'm recruiting you two to join our group!!

Blue: With who else?

Jay: Lancer! It's a group of us blues!

Cyan: :0

Jay: You wanna join?

Cyan: :D!!

The little cube 'nods' by quickly going up and down in the air, seemingly excited by this. Blue rolls his eyes.

Blue: It's as good as any, I suppose.

Jay: Woo!! Okay, you two, follow me!

Cyan: >:]!

Jay and the others rush back (well, Blue lags behind) to find Lancer chatting it up with a mug-headed person who seems to find it refreshing to talk to a kid like him. He's wearing a vest with a spade on it.

Character unlocked!

Mugman

Universe: Casino Cups 

Species: Object head? Idk

Bisexual: Mess

Where in timeline: End of Act 1

Lancer: Cadet!!! Welcome back, I've recruited the mug!!

Mugman: You sure did. Blue team, huh?

Cyan: :D!

Jay: I was actually thinking "The Blue Group"!

Lancer: Excellent name, crime boy!! 

Blue: Could be better.

Lancer: Now where's that host...

Ozzy pops out of thin air and startles the whole team.

Ozzy: You called?

Jay: Gah-?!

Cyan: O_o

Lancer: WOAH-

Mugman: FFFFF-

Blue: Bunch of wimps.

Ozzy: haha

Ozzy: Anyway, team made? What's the name?

Lancer: We are... The Blue Group!

Ozzy: Awww, that's cute. I like it! Good luck next episode guys :D

Ozzy disappears again, and all the team but Blue celebrates with each other. Cut to a golden-haired teen and a blue-eyed man with glasses standing somewhat awkwardly next to each other. The former seems to be appraising everyone around him.

Characters unlocked!

Giorno Giovanna

Universe: JJBA

Species: Human

Theme: Epic

Where in timeline: Just after the end of Part 5

Seán "Jacksepticeye" McLoughlin

Universe: Uh... his egoverse I guess? Channel canon

Species: Human

Top: OF THE MORNIN

Where in timeline: Present day

Giorno: Hm. Two teams are already made.

Seán: Is... is that a bad thing?

Giorno: No. Sorry, do I know you?

Seán: Uh... probably not. I'm Seán, but everyone usually calls me Jack. What's your name?

Giorno: Giorno Giovanna. 

Seán: Your name sounds kind of familiar...

Giorno: ...?

Seán: ...eh, it's probably nothing.

???: Hey, you two!

A group of three run up, two being dragged by the others. The two dragged were both wearing headphones- one pair red with a microphone, one pair black with only one earphone. The one with red headphones wore dog tags and a camo jacket, and the other wore a nondescript black hoodie and jeans. The person dragging them wore a collared light blue shirt with a white bowtie and leggings, though none of it was pristine at all. He also wore a top hat the same color as his shirt with a white ribbon and a pin shaped like an H.

Characters unlocked!

Charles Calvin

Universe: The Henry Stickmin Collection

Species: Human

Valiant: Hero

Where in timeline: Triple Threat Ending

Remy Abode

Universe: Gemini Home Entertainment

Species: Human

The Iris: Freaks me out

Where in timeline: Latest video

Henry Stickmin

Universe: The Volt Switch Collection

Species: Human

Soldier: Boy

Where in timeline: Toppat Triple Ending

Henry stops in front of the two and breathes heavily. Charles seems confused (and a little apprehensive towards this Henry), and Remy just flops onto his back.

Henry: Can... can we join you guys?

Giorno: Pardon?

Henry: Your.. your group.

Seán: I mean... we weren't really forming a group, but sure?

Henry: Cool. Didn’t want to be last.

Remy: Did you have to drag me?

Charles: Why on earth would you want me on your team?!

Charles stands up and glares at Henry, arms crossed. Henry looks confused.

Henry: I dunno man, I thought you looked like Charles, and well I figured if the blue team or whatever could make a team with only blue people, we could make a team with only humans, and most of the other humans I saw were already on a team, so I just grabbed you two since you were right next to me-

Charles: You’re Toppat, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you hate government? Did you not see my jacket?

Henry: Oh, that. I actually don’t hate government all that much.

Charles: ...really?? I find that hard to believe.

Henry: Oh, come on-!
Seán: Are you two done? The host’s been watchin’ ya argue.

Seán points to Ozzy, who was indeed standing there watching. Charles and Henry both back up kind of sheepishly, muttering a ‘sorry’ to the other. Remy rolls his eyes. 

Ozzy: So you guys have a team already? That was fast.

Seán: I didn’t really expect to form one so quickly either. I was just standing here.

Giorno: Yes, we have a team.

Ozzy: Awesome! What’s the name?

All of the team looks awkwardly at one another. None of them had come up with one. Eventually, Seán spoke up timidly.

Seán: We’re Only Human?

Remy: Really?

Seán: I had to come up with something!

Ozzy: Eh. not the worst. I like the song reference! Kind of boring though.

Henry: Could be worse!

Ozzy turns to the last five, clapping their hands. Immediately, all five are gathered into a group. 

Ozzy: Alright, you five are the last group! Ya snooze, ya lose. Come up with a team name, then come back to me!

They disappear, leaving the five to look awkwardly at each other. Eventually, a black-haired teen with icy blue eyes clears his throat. Looks like he might end up being the pseudo-leader for now.

Character unlocked!

Danny Fenton

Universe: Danny Phantom

Species: Half ghost, half human

Going: Ghost

Where in timeline: End of Season 2

Danny: This is kinda sudden, but since it’s the challenge, we have to come up with a team name anyway. What’s one thing we all have in common?

An orange, hollow-headed stickman raises their hand. They can’t talk out loud, but text of the same color as themselves appears next to their head.

Character unlocked!

The Second Coming / ”Orange”

Universe: Beckerverse / Animator vs Animation

Species: Exe program

Why are they called the second: When they’re technically the fourth stick Alan has made

Where in timeline: After AvM 30

TSC: Maybe all of us have powers?

Danny: Um.. raise your hand if you have powers.

All but two raise their hand.

TSC: Worth a shot.

Danny: Okay, that’s a no go. Any other ideas?

???: I mean, I doubt it, but does anyone else here deal with puzzles?

The suggestion came from a man wearing business casual clothes, an elaborate eyepiece with red, green and blue lenses hanging on a chain around his neck. He had a journal under his arm and had an odd hexagonal symbol (it kind of looks like a heart) over his heart in faint red. There were black marks along his hand, which he hid mostly with a glove.

Character unlocked!

The Player (unknown name)

Universe: The Room games 

Species: Null-marked human

Dislikes: Puzzle boxes

Where in timeline: The Room 3; Escape Ending

Danny: Uh, probably not. Good suggestion, though?

Player: No need to lie, it probably wasn’t that great, hah. Worth asking, though.

TSC: Two left who haven’t talked yet! Either of you have any suggestions?

The one with white eyes shakes his head. He’s wearing a blue shirt and purple sweatpants, and sports a pretty impressive goatee.

Character unlocked!

Herobrine

Universe: Beckerverse / Animator vs Animation

Species: Minecraft myth

Don't: Play at 3 AM

Where in timeline: After AvM 30

Herobrine: Can’t say I do. However, I do think I can say I know you.

TSC: Hey, that’s right! You helped us in the battle! ...and possessed Red years ago. Why was that, by the way?

Herobrine: Oh, no, that wasn’t me. There are multiple ‘Herobrine’s scattered through servers; some are malicious, some aren’t. I happen to like being a teacher in my server.

TSC: I mean I guess that makes sense.

???: Animation.

Danny: Huh?

TSC: What?

???: Animation!

The short farmer raises an (armless) hand in triumph. He wasn’t easily noticed before, quite literally being the shortest one there by a long shot, but in hindsight it also wasn’t easy to overlook him, with his green hat, red shirt and blue overalls. And no arms. Seriously, how does he move his hands without arms?

Character unlocked!

Bambi

Universe: Dave & Bambi 3.0

Species: Forgotten god

Corn: What’s up mother shuckers

Where in timeline: Present day

Bambi: We all animation!

Player: Pardon?

Bambi points to himself, Danny, and TSC.

Bambi: 2D animation.

He then points to Herobrine and Player.

Bambi: 3D animation! Sorta. Team name should be “Animation!”

Bambi looks proud of himself as everyone seems to agree. TSC looks at what Bambi says and looks thoughtfully before taking the “ion!” off of what Bambi said, adding an ‘e’, an ‘a’, and an ‘m’ instead. The whole team looks at that and seems to agree that they like the team name.

Danny: Animateam. That’s pretty clever!
Bambi: I get it, animate team. I like!

Player: Did you just... literally edit Bambi’s words?

TSC: I do that a lot, get used to it. I don’t like to talk like this much either, so I’ll be doing that a lot more often.

Player: Huh.

Ozzy: Alright, Animateam! I guess that means every team is complete and named.

Ozzy claps their hands and all the teams are organized in front of them.

Ozzy: Sadly, here comes my least favorite part- putting one of you up for elimination. The Blue Group!, your name is cheerful and catchy. You are not up for elimination.

Mugman: Nice!

Ozzy: Animateam, despite being the ‘leftovers’, you found something in common and turned it into a clever team name. You are also not up for elimination!

Danny: Phew.

Ozzy: Sarcasm Central (Tired Of This Shit), your name is long, but it’s funny. I gotta give points to that. You are not up for elimination, which means...

Seán: Aw man!

Ozzy: Sorry, We’re Only Human, but you guys are up for elimination first. It’s really a shame, I love your team- it’s just... well, it was rushed, and really Jack, were song lyrics all you could think of?

Seán: I guess that’s fair.

We’re Only Human is up for elimination! Please vote here to give immunity to one person next episode- and for who you want to be eliminated. See you next time!

Ozzy: Hm, I should probably advertise this a bit. Alright, Dollar Store, time to do to you what you did to others...

For what my words are worth, Ozzy, I think you did great this episode! I’m sure everyone will like it.

Ozzy: Aw, thanks. By the way, the next episode will only be posted when we get at least five votes. Just to make it fair for the contestants.

Oh yeah, and voting ends on December 20th! That sounds fair, right?

Ozzy: Works for me!

Chapter Text

Ozzy: Wow, 10 votes! I can’t believe we got this much already. Hard work pays off I guess!

Indeed it does, Ozzy. Unfortunately, this also means...

Ozzy: Yeah, it’s elimination time. My least favorite part- but also the most necessary.

Ozzy snaps her fingers and We’re Only Human appears at the elimination area, which is a long couch in front of a large TV. She clicks a button on a remote and a pie chart shows up, split into ten.

Ozzy: You guys lost last time, which sucks, but it’s a part of the game! We got 10 votes from our viewers. If you’re safe, you uh... get a sticker! I don’t have any other ideas for prizes, sorry.

Charles: That’s fine by me!

Ozzy: Well, luckily for you, Charles- you were the only person who got a total of zero votes! Oh yeah, if you get no votes, you get a gold pin. Because why not and I say so.

They toss Charles a gold star pin. He pins it on his lapel with a grin.

Ozzy: Tied with one vote each are Henry and Giorno! Giorno, you got your one vote first- the reason being “ bcuz everyone else is just better ”.

Giorno: Could have been a worse reason, I suppose.

Ozzy: Henry, the person who voted you said “ No idea who that is lol ”. Even though I did explain who he was...

Henry: One vote is better than being eliminated!

Two slices of the pie chart are filled in, one with pink and one with light blue. Ozzy tosses stickers to Giorno and Henry, the former pocketing it and the latter sticking it on his hand with a grin.

Ozzy: It’s down to Jack and Remy! One of you got only two votes, and the other got a whopping six ! That person will be leaving us today.

Seán: Already?

Remy: Oh well.

Ozzy: Alright, time to show the votes!

The pie chart fills in two slices each in dark purple and green, before quickly filling in the last four with purple. Seán breathes a sigh of relief. Remy looks unsurprised, but a bit worried.

Ozzy: Jack, you’re safe for another day! Your two voters said “ he feels a bit out of place for me ” and “ cuz im silly :3 and i randomly clicked ”, respectively. Thanks, Peer, for that second vote- but unfortunately our boy Remy will have to go.

Seán: Phew. That’s a bit of a relief!

Remy: I guess I should’ve figured I’d get out first. I don’t really have much to contribute, anyway. What were the reasons for me?

Ozzy: Well, in order of shortest to longest... one person just sent a heart, “ hate horror ”, “ Outta all of them, I only don't know who this person is ”, “ I could not choose so I closed my eyes and picked ” with a crying emoticon, and... oh boy, these last two are long. 

Remy: Lay it on, I can take it.

Ozzy: Someone named Not Me said “ I guess I will just say the age-old, failing, reason of I don't know them. Also, I don't know if you are aware of this, but just be aware of a backseater. Also, I hope to shorten things later or maybe explain a bit more about this verse to you, Ozzy, or the contestants not like I have (to be honest) omniscient knowledge. ” Thanks, Not Me, I’ll take up the offer on learning more about the verse later- except this game runs by my own rules and I know the characters well enough, so I’ll be fine on that end.

Remy: I guess a lot of people don’t know me then.

Ozzy: Your series isn’t exactly the most popular in the world, and your name only shows up in the credits. It makes sense, honestly. 

Remy: I guess so...

Ozzy: This last one is from Dollar Store himself! “Nice show.” Thanks! “To be fair, the name "We're Only Human" sucks ass. 1: That saying is kinda cringe, NGL. 2: I'm not entirely sure if stickmen count as humans.” Ehhh, I’m counting them this time. If it’s hard to imagine, they’re more in the style of the askblog Ending The Cycle here. “Sorry for taking (the non-Volt Switch) Henry and (the Non-Crossover Conquest) Monika.” Lmao, it’s fine. More creativity points for me! “As for my elimination vote, let's see... I couldn't vote for Henry or Charles because... *looks at his Henry* ...yeah. Giorno is the funny meme man, and JackSepticEye is cool. I'm just not really feelin' it with Remy.” Makes sense to me!

Remy: Wow, who knew not being popular would get me out first.

Ozzy: Wait, there’s more... “Also, *silently takes an Uno reverse card out of his pocket*, GO WATCH THE WORLD'S SHITTIEST GAME SHOW, RIGHT NOW, HERE! https://archiveofourown.to/works/42867675/chapters/107693238! WE HAVE (Non-Volt Switch) HENRY, (Non-Casino Cups) CUPHEAD, (Non-Crossover Conquest) MONIKA, (Speedrunner) MARIO, (SMG4) AXOL, MR. GAME & WATCH, AND MORE!” I gotta agree, check it out! It’s very cool, and- hold on, wait. “Also, a while back, a portal malfunctioned and brought The Second Coming to my show. I don't know how THAT happened, but if that happens again, let me know.” Huh. HEY, SECOND!

The Second Coming turns around and makes a questioning gesture.

Ozzy: DID YOU GET LOST AND SHOW UP IN DS’S SHOW?

They nod, shrugging. They make an outline of an envelope with their arms before making a large oval and then shrugging again.

Ozzy: Huh. I’ll have to make sure that doesn’t happen again. My bad! So, Remy...

They toss a sticker to Jacksepticeye before turning to the video maker.

Ozzy: Any parting words?

Remy: Do I.. have to go back?

Ozzy: ...what?

Remy: You know about my universe, right? Do I have to go back? I don’t... want to go back. To that.

Ozzy: Oh. Oh yeah. Uh... I don’t really have a plan for the people who want to stay so I guess you can just stay in your given room and I can put an ‘Eliminated’ sign over it?

Remy breathes a sigh of relief.

Remy: Thank you. That actually means a lot.

Ozzy: S’long as you don’t interfere with the game, you’re good to stay. So... yeah, I’ll go start the challenge now. Have fun back at the room!

Ozzy snaps her fingers again, everyone but Remy appearing in front of a board with a bunch of taped over pairs.

Nickel: What’s this for?
Ozzy: Wellllll, the challenge for today’s episode was going to be a Smash Bros tournament...

Seán: Oh hell yeah!

Ozzy: But, in spirit of the recent holiday, we will instead be doing a gift exchange! I will tell you who your partner is, and for the challenge, you must give a gift to your partner. Like in Paper Puppets, the gift must be given without any help from the person you must gift to. You may ask me for a bit of help, but it won’t be anything extravagant. After a period of a day, you’ll exchange gifts, and rate the gift you’re given out of 10. The team with the lowest total rating will be up for elimination!

Danny: Wasn’t someone just eliminated? Isn’t that unfair?

Ozzy: Good point! Which is why we have a special guest for today!

The host tosses out an invite similar to in Chapter 1, opening up a portal. Out walks a person with an apple for a head, holding an axe and looking confused. 

Character unlocked!

Andy

Universe: Andy’s Apple Farm

Species: Object head

Stuck: In a video game

Where in timeline: After the Christmas update

Andy: Am I late?

Ozzy: Yeah, unfortunately, you replied too late. The cast is already full, but you get to be a special guest, filling in for the first eliminated contestant! We’re doing a gift exchange, and you rate the gift you’re given.

Andy: Um, okay? I mean, I don’t have great experience with Christmas...

Ozzy: This place is Peter the Pumpkin free!

Andy: You’re sure?

Ozzy: Positive!

Dave: Alright, so what are the pairings?

Ozzy: Glad you asked!

They snap their fingers, and the lines of tape disappear, showcasing the pairs.

Dave - Jay

Lore - Andy

Mario - Lancer

Henry - Nickel

TSC - Jenny

Blue - Bambi

Charles - Player

Cyan - Giorno

Seán - Herobrine

Danny - Mugman

Many of the contestants seem slightly worried about their pairing, like they don't know what to get. However, some, like Dave, Danny and Lancer don't seem worried at all. Others seem to know vaguely what they'd give and are just deciding on what it would be.

Ozzy: You have.. um, fifteen hours to go get your gifts ready! Get going!

The contestants begin to disperse, and.. er... Ozzy?

Ozzy: Yeah?

Weren't you going to do a time skip or something and briefly touch on who asked for help?

Ozzy: Oh yeah. No offense, viewers, but I gave them all fifteen hours to finish and I'm not writing all that. I will go into detail at the gift exchange, though! That is the main focus of the challenge anyway.

I suppose that makes sense. In that case, I will get on with my job...

While most of the contestants work diligently on their gifts, four end up coming to Ozzy for help in turn. The first to do so is the first introduced; Nickel.

Nickel: Hey. Host. Can I ask a question?

Ozzy: Yeah, what is it?

Nickel: What the hell am I supposed to give my gift partner? I don't even know him.

Ozzy: Ohhh, you want a gift hint, huh? Well.. Henry likes shiny things and pins. I doubt you have any fancy pins, but he likes button ones too. Put whatever you want on there, as long as it's eye catching.

Nickel: The hell's a button pin?

Ozzy tosses him a blank one.

Ozzy: Go ham, I have like a million of these.

Nickel: Oh. Thanks, I guess.

He'd wandered off after that, going to ask his teammates if they had any paint.

The second to ask for help is Lore, who looks between he and Andy's axes, somehow finding it both comforting and slightly unnerving.

Lore: Um, Ozzy?

Ozzy: No idea what to get?

Lore: Yeah, you kind of paired me with the guest. Not that I would know what to get Remy, either...

Ozzy: No shame in asking for help!

Lore: If Nickel did it, so can I.

Ozzy: Oof, yeah, he is the type to not ask for help even if he needs it, but I guess he pushed past that today.

Lore: Uh. Gift hint?

Ozzy: Right, right. Andy... hm. Honestly, I have no clue either, and he's not one to really want anything like a plush. I guess if I had to say anything about him, he got severely traumatized by a pumpkin?

Lore: Okay? That's a bit odd, but it does give me an idea, so... thanks.

Ozzy: Good luck!

About an hour after Lore leaves to go to the store, Mario comes to take his place, looking slightly embarrassed that he has to ask for help.

Mario: Hey...

Ozzy: Third Sarcasmer today!

Mario: I don't think most of us are good at gifts.

Ozzy: That's fair. Usually, neither am I. You got Lancer, right?

Mario: Yeah. 

Ozzy: Oh, he's an easy one. Loves card based stuff and music. Doesn't have a music player on him right now, though.

Mario: ..! I got it!

Ozzy: Oops, I think I was too obvious.

Mario: Thank you!

Ozzy: Oh well. 

After that, it was smooth sailing for a while. Everyone was either working on or had finished their gift, and were spending their free time chilling out with their teams, Remy included. (Ozzy said, and I agree, that "this doesn't really count as interfering if everyone's done".)

But, it turned out not everyone was completely ready. Mugman, who seemed frustrated and annoyed at himself for not coming up with anything, finally gave up and came to the host, who was reading fanfiction.

Mugman: Hey, uh, I hate to do this but-

Ozzy: Gift help?

Mugman: Gift help.

Ozzy: Yeah, Danny doesn't seem like much on the surface, does he? Well, he likes ghosts- sort of- and he loves puns. Take that as you will. I think you'll find something at the store for that.

Mugman: Are they as bad as Cuphead's attempts at quips?

Ozzy: He wouldn't say "eat my shorts" unless he was fighting a pants related villain or something, haha. Not as bad as Cuphead.

Mugman: Good, we don't need another one. Thanks for the help.

Ozzy: No problemo!

With that, everybody who had needed help had asked, and gift making (or getting) was pretty much complete. A night passed before the fifteen hours were up, and most everyone slept during that night. The next morning, Ozzy gathered everyone in the garden with their gifts. There was a box next to a stack of paper slips on a stool.

Ozzy: Alright everyone! Your fifteen hours are up. Now, it's gift giving time! I'll call up each pair in order, you'll give each other your gifts, then rate them on these slips- be sure to write your name- and put them into the box. Once everyone has given their gifts and rated what they got, I'll tally the totals and announce who is up for elimination! No, you can't rate over 10. 

Lancer: Aw man! It would be funny, though...

Ozzy: If you rate it over 10 I'm just going to count it as a 10.

Viewers, you'll be able to see what the person rated their gift after it's given- I'll read them out to you.

Ozzy: Yep! Okay, first off is Jay and Dave. Come on up!

Jay and Dave both walk up, grinning. Jay is holding what looks like a mini helicopter, and Dave just has a piece of paper.

Jay: Ooh, what's that?

Dave: A comic. It's shitty, but that's the funny part. Here.

Dave hands the comic to Jay, who reads it and bursts out in confused laughter. 

Jay: I understand none of this, but it's so funny?? You have a talent, man!

Dave: Uh... thanks.

Dave seems sheepish, almost embarrassed. Jay hands the helicopter to Dave in turn.

Jay: It's an automaton! Wind it up and you can make it fly. It's not incredibly complicated or useful, but it's neat!

Dave: Holy shit man. Now that is cool. How did you do it?

Jay: Gears and other things, mostly. I took apart a watch for this. 

Dave: Man, I have to show this to Dirk when I get back. He's gonna love this.

Jay beams at Dave's small smile. They both rate their gifts and walk back, holding their new things.

Dave's comic - 7/10

Jay's automaton - 9/10

Ozzy: Okay, that was nice, surprisingly. Wow. Next up is Lore and Andy, our guest!

Lore walks up, holding a huge bundle of something. Andy has a plushie of Lore himself, which he hands over first.

Andy: I would've done a plush of something else you liked, but I didn't know what else to do, so...

Ozzy: If you'd asked I would have told you about Baron, his dog.

Andy: Damnit!

Lore: It's fine, I like it. I don't think I'll sleep with it or anything, but it's nice.

Lore hands over his bundle, which Andy staggers under slightly, not expecting it to be heavy.

Andy: Huh-?

Lore: It's a weighted blanket. It's not much, but weighted blankets help me sleep at night- especially when I have a nightmare.

Andy: I... wow. That's actually really helpful. Thank you.

Lore: I tried.

Lore shrugs before they both rate their gifts and sit back down.

Lore's weighted blanket - 7/10

Andy's plush - 6/10

Ozzy: Well, that's all we need you for, Andy- do you wanna go back now or stick around?

Andy: I think I'll go back. No offense! I just want to see my friends again, and well.. you don't need me for anything more.

Ozzy: Alright, well thanks for coming! Good luck back at home, Andy.

Ozzy opens a portal and waves goodbye to Andy as he walks through, closing the portal and looking at her list. 

Ozzy: Alright, Mario and Lancer, your turn!

Lancer skips up to meet Mario at front, shoving his gift at the other first with a big grin.

Lancer: It's a drawing! I tried my best to draw you and... what's your brother's name again? Loogi? Well you're both pretty famous guys so I drew you!

The drawing is childish, but it's clear he put effort into it.

Mario: Wow, uh, thanks. We're famous?

Lancer: Yeah! My girldad loves your games! Especially the racing one.

Mario: Girl.. dad??

Ozzy: His mom.

Mario: Oh. Well, uh, I got this.

Mario hands Lancer an mp3 player with an SD card and headphones.

Mario: Ozzy told me you liked music. It doesn't have much on it, but you can add your own stuff.

Lancer: Wow! Thank you, plumber guy! I can put my girldad's mixtape on it!

Mario: You're welcome I guess.

Lancer's drawing - 6/10

Mario's mp3 player - 9/10!!

Lancer skips back to his seat with his new gift in hand as Mario folds up and pockets the drawing.

Ozzy: Henry and Nickel! Your turn!

Henry and Nickel barely make it to the front before Nickel tosses the button pin at Henry, who catches it with mild surprise. It’s got a painting of a lightning storm on it. The lightning is painted in gold.

Nickel: I didn’t know what shiny thing to do, but this is definitely eye catching enough I bet.

Henry: Oh, I love it! Here, I got you this.

Henry pins the pin on his jacket, then leans forward and wraps a scarf gently around Nickel, keeping his mouth uncovered. It’s mostly light green, with gold stripes that glitter in the sunlight.

Henry: It doesn’t really fit me that well, but I figured you might like it!! I have a lot of shiny things, and this is also pretty shiny!

Nickel: It’s... not terrible.. thank you.

Henry: You’re welcome!

Nickel huffs and they both turn to write down their ratings before going back to their seats.

Nickel’s pin - 8/10

Henry’s scarf - 10/10

Ozzy: Awwwww, that was wholesome. 

Nickel: Shut up!

Ozzy: Well, next up are TSC and Jenny! Halfway through, guys!

TSC walks up to Jenny, who doesn’t even walk all the way to the gift area. They hand her a drawing of herself, looking happy about it.

Jenny: Huh. Thanks. That’s really well drawn.

TSC stims slightly at the compliment before Jenny tosses them a hat much like her own, only without the badge. It’s still magenta, though- at least until TSC grabs a bucket tool and colors it orange instead. They put it on their head and give Jenny a thumbs up.

Jenny: Looks good on you!

TSC tosses Jenny a slip of paper, and they both rate.

TSC’s drawing - 9/10

Jenny’s hat - 5/10 (I appreciate it, but it is just a spare hat)

Ozzy: Five out of ten gifts given! Blue, Bambi, your turn.

Both walk up to the front of the garden. Bambi gives Blue a cornhusk doll that definitely looks handmade. It’s actually surprisingly elaborate, and looks like Blue.

Bambi: Got you this.

Blue: I guess I was right to assume you liked corn seeing what you were making.

Ozzy: Hey, that’s cheating!

Blue: You never said anything about that.

Ozzy: ...shit, I didn’t. I guess I’ll let it pass this time, but don’t do it again.

Blue: Hah. Maybe. Anyway...

Blue shows what he was hiding to Bambi. It was a little object character, about the same size as Bambi’s hand, blinking innocently. It was a small cob of rainbow corn with black eyes, arms and legs, and its mouth was white on the inside. Once it saw Bambi, it raised its arms happily. For now, I’ll nickname it “Rainbow”.

Rainbow: Hi!

Bambi: Woah...

Blue: Pretty cool, right?

Bambi looks absolutely floored by this, eyes wide, but in a happy way. I’d feel the same way if I got something like that as a gift. I really don’t know how to explain it, but...

Ahem. Back to narrating. 

Bambi picks up Rainbow gently, who laughs. He holds it close to his chest and smiles.

Bambi: Thank you. Wow.

Blue: No problem. Having godlike powers is useful at times.

They both go to rate their gifts, Bambi gently putting Rainbow on his hat, who hangs on tight and seems delighted to be up there.

Bambi’s cornhusk doll - 4/10 

Blue’s Rainbow - 10/10

Ozzy: Well, that was absolutely adorable, actually. Charles, Player- get on up here!

The two walk up to each other, Charles sheepishly holding out a sculpture of a fighter plane, painted to match Player's current outfit.

Charles: I had no idea what to make, so I ended up just making a plane like usual. I did put that symbol you have on there though and tried to make it look a little like you!

Player: This is super accurate, even though it's small.. how did you do that?

Charles: I'm a government pilot, so I know these planes inside and out! And I love sculpting.

Player: Huh. Neat.

Player takes the mini fighter plane and hands Charles a simple eyepiece, a pen and a set of refills for the pen.

Player: That's invisible ink; it can only be seen through the lens. Not even fire or anything else can make it show, only through the lens. It's turned out pretty useful for me.

Charles: Holy shit. You're serious?

Player: Deadly.

Danny snorts, to which Player gives him an odd look and Ozzy just rolls their eyes.

Charles: This is great! Thank you so much!

Player: No problem.

They rate and walk back, Charles examining everything through the lens on the way.

Charles's sculpture - 7/10

Player's invisible ink set - 9/10

Ozzy: Cyan and Giorno! I did wonder what you two were going to do, honestly.

Giorno walks up calmly while Cyan flies up to him in an excited manner, seeming to want to show their gift first.

Giorno: Go ahead.

Cyan: :D!!!

They begin moving around akin to dancing, before singing a tune happily that seemed to almost be made up specifically for Giorno. (It didn’t sound anything like his theme though.) Once it was done, Giorno was smiling and clapped a little.

Giorno: Did you make that yourself?

Cyan: ^v^

Giorno: You did? That was very good! I quite enjoyed it.

Cyan: c:

Giorno: I made this for you.

He places a small crown on top of Cyan’s head, gold with a gem the same color as him.

Giorno: I would have given you a pet, but I wasn’t sure if that would be the best idea, so I made this.

Cyan: ^^;

Giorno: Oh yes, I can understand it would likely be hard for someone your size... regardless, I hope you like the crown.

Cyan: :D!!! ^v^

Giorno: I’m glad!

Cyan flies around excitedly and Giorno chuckles as they both go over to the voting area.

Cyan’s song - 8/10

Giorno’s crown - 8/10

Ozzy: Cyan will never cease to make me smile. Seán and Herobrine, what've you got?

Seán hands Herobrine a printed out photo of a giant sinkhole in Minecraft along with a large text of numbers above it.

Seán: So I kind of scrubbed the internet for this, it's not huge but I thought you'd like it. The seed is 4325227337 - it makes a giant sinkhole! Right near spawn, too.

Herobrine: That's pretty incredible. And we both made Minecraft things too, it seems.

Seán: Really?

Herobrine: I built you a castle in the game.

Pointing Seán to a nearby computer, Herobrine shows him the map he made.

Seán: Oh that's amazing, I could never.

Herobrine: You could with enough practice!

Seán: Have you seen my Minecraft world?

Herobrine: Yes, I have. I still stand by my statement because that was quite good for a beginner.

Seán: Oh... well, uh, thanks.

Seán smiles awkwardly at Herobrine, who returns it warmly as they walked to the voting box then back to their seats.

Seán's MC seed - 8/10

Herobrine’s build - 8/10

Ozzy: Alright, last but not least, Danny and Mugman!

Mugman walks up and rubs the chip in his handle seemingly out of habit, handing Danny a Halloween themed book of puns.

Mugman: I couldn't really think of anything else, and I heard you like puns, so...

Danny: Gimme a sec to skim through it.

Danny skims through the book, stopping at the ghost puns and reading through a few of them before snorting loudly.

Danny: Okay, that's a good one. I approve!

Mugman: That's good...

Mugman breathes a sigh of relief as Danny hands him an ice sculpture of him, Cuphead, the Devil and King Dice in their casino outfits.

Danny: Don't worry, it won't melt. It's basically glass but colder.

Mugman: That's... how?

Danny smiles mysteriously, his canines a bit sharper than the average human. Mugman is curious but not incredibly fazed. (He is a friend of the Devil after all.)

Danny: I have my ways. 

Mugman: Well, thank you regardless. It's really pretty.

Danny: No problem, Mugsy!

Mugman: Don't call me that.

Danny: No promises~!

Danny grins at the other, back to Normal Teenager Mode, as the two last contestants vote.

Mugman's joke book - 7/10

Danny's ice sculpture - 9/10

Ozzy: Alllright, that's everyone! Just gotta tally up the scores and we're good to go!

I'll list them. The total scores are...

The Blue Group! - 40/50

Animateam - 39/50

We're Only Human - 37/50

Sarcasm Central - 36/50

Ozzy: Ooh... ouch. Sarcasm Central, lowest by one point, is up for elimination.

Lore: Uh oh.

Jenny: Yep, that's it, goodbye everyone. I know for sure I'm gonna be the first gone.

Mario: You don't know that.

Jenny: Remy was eliminated because no one knew him. I'm ninety percent sure that's gonna happen to me too.

Lore: Same could be said for me...

Nickel: Or me, maybe.

Ozzy: Oh, not you, Nickel. You have immunity, which means you are exempt from being voted entirely!

Nickel: Really? That's a first.

Ozzy: Alright everyone, back to the mansion with you!

They clap their hands and everyone is teleported into the mansion.

Ozzy: Voting ends on... let's say January 10th. Be sure to vote here !

Hm, I wonder what's happening with TWSGS.

Ozzy: I think the next challenge has something to do with ads- I agreed to letting ads show up here next chapter if it comes to it. Not that ads are really needed, there's a link to his show before the summary, haha.

Well, it's for a challenge, so I'm sure it'll be funny!

Ozzy: Say, what if we did a Q&A? Like, after Chapter 5 or something.

I think that would be fun.

Chapter Text

Ozzy: Hey! Sarcasmers! You wanna know what time it is??

Nickel: If you say a knockoff name relating to Cake at Stake, I’m going to kick you.

Ozzy: ...I was going to say Treat or Get Beat, but uh, I guess it’s just elimination time.

Nickel: That’s what I thought.

Ozzy gathers all the Sarcasmers around the TV like last time, the pie chart appearing like last time. All of its slices are currently blank, and there are thirteen this time.

Ozzy: This time we got a total of thirteen votes! Kind of nuts, huh?

Lore: I mean, I guess?

Ozzy: Nickel, you’re already safe- viewers voted you immune.

Ozzy snaps their fingers and a circular silver pin with an uppercase i on it appears on Nickel’s scarf.

Nickel: I thought the no votes pin was gold. And star shaped.

Ozzy: It is. Immunity pins are silver, and if everyone got at least one vote, the person with the lowest votes gets a bronze pin shaped like a wing! These are stackable, and just a neat thing I thought would be cool. Also a good way for me to keep track of fan favorites.

Nickel: Oh. Fair enough, I guess?

Ozzy: The rest of the votes were for the four of you! Nobody got zero votes, but the one with the least amount of votes would be Lore, with only one! Congrats!

Lore: Wait, really?

Ozzy tosses a bronze pin to Lore, who catches it, mildly stunned.

Ozzy: Your only vote was I think a joke vote, because it said “if you eliminate lore from the show, do you have no more lore? these are the questions that need answers. also hello mario. that's all.”

Mario: Are you serious, am I going to have to sit through that stupid joke multiple times-

Lore: I- wow, I seriously thought I was going to get more than that. I mean, I doubt people know me that much?

Ozzy: Yeah, Heartbound sadly isn’t that popular, but I think you’re a cool guy and I guess the viewers agree with me.

Lore: Wow.

Lore blushes out of embarrassment a little bit, shrinking back into his hoodie as he pockets the bronze pin. One of the pie chart slices fills in with green.

Ozzy: The one with the second least amount of votes is... Mario, with two votes!

Mario: Let me guess, both of them say “hello Mario”.

Ozzy: Only one of them does, actually. The other says “i have no real reason i’m just feeling silly”.

Mario: Oh. Good.

Ozzy: Also, the ‘treat’ this time-

Nickel: Ugh.

Ozzy: -is a cherry tart, courtesy of my mom. They’re really good.

Lore: Do I get one too?

Ozzy: Oh yeah, right. Nickel, do you want one or no?

Nickel: No thanks, but thanks for asking. 

Ozzy: Aw, you don’t want to ruin the scarf do you?

Nickel: N-no, shut up.

Ozzy: haha

Two of the slices fill in with blue, and Ozzy hands one plate with a tart on it each to Lore and Mario. They then eat the spare one before moving on to the next part. 

Ozzy: It’s down to Dave and Jenny! Surprisingly, this was actually pretty close. 

Jenny: Yep, there I go.

Ozzy: One of you got four votes, the other got six! The one with the most votes is...

Four slices each fill in with magenta and red slowly, leaving the final two open for a few seconds before filling in with magenta.

Ozzy: Jenny! Sorry, my gal.

Jenny: A, don’t call me that, B, called it. I’m tired of people just voting because they don’t know a character! It’s unfair to not even give everyone a chance just because they’re less known- we have our own things to contribute, you know. Our own lives. Our own personality, and just throwing it away because of an excuse of ‘I don’t know you’ is just... just... augh!

Ozzy: Yeah, four of your votes were “I don’t know you”. One of those was also partly saying that because of your not stellar gift.

Jenny: Okay, that’s fair. I don’t mind being voted for that. But think about what your reason is next time, voters, because playing the game like that will earn resentment from its contestants.

Ozzy winces and hands the last tart to Dave.

Ozzy: Yikes. Well, Dave, did you want to hear your elimination reasons?

Dave: Sure, why not?

Ozzy: Well, okay, shortest to longest... okay, one just says “homestuck”. The next says “probably know em the least.”

Jenny: Gee, I thought that would’ve been me.

Dave: Yeah, we all heard your speech. Which is absolutely true by the way, but it’s my turn right now.

Ozzy: This one says “I dont know much about Homestuck! Dave seems like a fun character atleast, but i just dont know him enough.” Dave’s a cool guy, that’s actually like part of his early story character, haha.

Dave: Hell yeah.

Ozzy: “HEHEHEHE HOMESTUCK FUCKING SUCKS. GO PLAY UNDERTALE OR SOMETHING. ALSO HOPPER IS SECRETLY BILL CIPHER,” says someone named Iris of Cyan. Um. Iris you do realize Hopper isn’t here? I don’t even know who that is.

Dave: What’s wrong with Homestuck?

Ozzy: It is kind of problematic media from what I know? It’s not the worst out there- not even close- but it does have some bad rap. Also my sibling in Undertale, Homestuck is literally your fandom cousin. 

Dave: Eh, that makes sense.

Ozzy: Alright, Jenny, do you want to hear your reasons?

Jenny: Leave out the “I don’t know the character” parts, thanks.

Ozzy: Okay, so I won’t read two of the votes. This one just says “How dare you make a lowly hat for our lord and savior TSC”.

Jenny: It looks good on them, though, you have to admit.

Ozzy: True. Without reading most of this, it just says “Jenny to me is just another stickperson and the only one in the show i dont know. Also editing response to say: you just lost the game! (Hah revenge)”. Haha, jokes on you, I don’t care about losing the game.

Jenny: What’s “the game”?

Ozzy: Wow, I don’t think you’ll be losing that anytime soon.

Jenny: ??? What???

Ozzy: This one... oh boy, this one’s weird. “Jenny wouldn't survive in this show with a body like that, maybe if she was 600 pounds like me then she'd have a chance....but nope i guess you gotta go, also my left hand is sorta numb....probably nothing to do with my overweight right? lol”

Jenny: Isn’t that just stickperson discrimination? I’m a perfectly healthy weight and body type for my species, you know. 

Ozzy: Yeah, that one just kind of weirded me out. Oh hey, this one’s from Dollar Store- gotta leave out the first part, but uh... “Oh, yeah. Also, I sent you something through the MVPS (MultiVerse Postal Service). It’s a video player and a USB. The USB contains an ad for onions. I decided to give you the least sexual one. Righty, then. BYE! Oh, and Gaster’s doing some weird shit. You should probably warn Lancer.” Lancer’ll be fine, I have a security system here that can keep the G-man out. I’ll explain that later with the next one- and I’ll put the ad up for the winning team of this chapter’s challenge.

Mario: Pfft. G-man?

Ozzy: Haha, yeah, G-man. Anyway, leaving out the first part of this last one, uh... “and the added salt to the wound, or final nail in the coffin, is that the gift is a hat for 5/10. Not saying a hat is bad, just if the person you are gifting it to can alter the properties of it in a way that is probably bad news score wise. You may have potential in future episodes, but that day sadly drags down any chance to show your skills.” Yeah I thought that was kind of fair.

Jenny: That part I’m fine with.

Ozzy: I think the rest has to do with uh. Character Elimination lore. Lemme read that out. “Also, it is me again I will be honest with you I am that same guy. Just can't say it unless you know it also it was referring to the CECU I feel like you have the highest chance of being safe due to having to search via DS so I can talk a bit freely, but I may done the now all of China knows you are here meme so I may have caused jeopardy for both of us (then again I think I was about to be open with DS), but in case you still don't know what I am referring to I will give you a multiverse synopsis of this generation and a shield *provides a protective shield around Ozzy* hope it works and helps (I think you don't want anything to do with this).” Correct, I don’t. I appreciate the shield, but I kind of already have a failsafe for this kind of stuff? If anyone not related to the show tries to get in here I have an automatic security system which teleports them to the waiting room in ONE. Which um. Kind of leaves them to try and search for their universe through the radio, so, I don’t recommend that. Failing that I have a few of my object ocs here too. 

Nickel: Really?

Ozzy: Yeah, if you ever see a living Smart Pad or an eraser around those are mine. There are more too but I don’t feel like listing them. “Bill, Host, and Mav may cause multiverse Armageddon with the help of Big Boss and his cronies along with Grover, I think. Volo might do something but I have faith in Rocky. There is a whole lot more going on and I suppose I may have the chance to leak some spicy information, but I don't know if I am reaching my limit and I can handle saying any more of whatever I am saying. Just keep yourself and your contestants safe.” Thanks, Jeopardy, but like I said, I got a pretty good failsafe going on.

Jenny: Character elimination lore?

Ozzy: Yeah, which I’m not really a part of. Don’t plan to for a little bit. Gotta get the chapters going first. 

Ozzy claps her hands and creates a portal, in which a broken down mansion can be seen through.

Ozzy: Alright, Jenny! Any last words?

Jenny gives a long, hard look to the camera.

Jenny: You all heard my speech. Vote based on performance, not popularity. It’s stupid. 

Ozzy: Wise words.

Jenny: Well, I’m back to the Bobert case, I guess. Good luck, you guys.

Waving to the rest of her team, Jenny walks through the portal, which closes behind her. Nickel sighs, Mario looks a bit sad, and Lore just gives one last glare to the camera before Ozzy claps their hands again. Everyone is teleported in front of a group of Switch consoles and TVs, along with a whiteboard that has a tourney diagram on it.

Ozzy: Alright! Here’s your promised Smash Bros. tournament, guys! This challenge is fairly simple- I have a tourney plan right here, which I’ll randomize, and those paired against each other will fight a battle. Animateam and The Blue Group! will each have one player sit out, which has been randomized ahead of time. Cyan and Bambi will not be participating.

Cyan: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Bambi: More fun to watch. Would break controller anyway.

Rainbow: Watch fun!

Ozzy: Yeah, probably. The first team to have all their team members in the tourney beaten will be up for elimination- and the team with the winning contestant gets a prize and gets to watch the ad sent from Dollar Store from his most recent chapter! As for the fight rules, we will be playing a basic game on the first map and randomized characters. You literally can’t pick anything other than the Random option, I’ve disabled all the other ones. Also you can’t possess the TVs or whatever. Looking specifically at two of you. Now, is everyone ready to see who they’ll be up against?

Seán: Hell yeah!

Mugman: Bring it.

Charles: Woo!

Ozzy pulls up wheelofnames.com on her phone, enters everyone’s names and spins the wheel twice, writing down “Giorno” and “Lore” in the first two brackets.

Lore: Oh boy.

Giorno: I’ll have to try my best, I suppose.

The next two brackets soon have Seán and Nickel’s names in them. Nickel and Seán grin at each other.

Nickel: Let’s see how good you really are!

Seán: Bring it, coin bitch!

The host snorts at the next pairing, which is Player and Lancer.

Lancer: Oh boy, I’m going up against an adult! This might be hard...

Player: Probably not. I haven’t really played this game before.

Lancer: In that case, I’m gonna wipe the floor with you!! >:P

The last brackets of the first half end up as Dave and Danny, who look at each other.

Dave: I’m gonna be honest, I’ve only played Brawl.

Danny: Me too, actually. I guess we’re even. 

Dave: Good luck, man.

Danny: I’m gonna need it!

TSC peeks over Ozzy’s shoulder as she spins, putting a hand to their chin as it lands on them and Mario. When Mario sees his name next to TSC, he groans.

Mario: I’m going to lose so badly.

Ozzy: Yeah, probably.

Mario: Hey-!

Ozzy: lmao

Ozzy spins the wheel again, snorting at the pair as they write it down on the board; Herobrine and Blue. Herobrine looks at Blue with a raised eyebrow.

Herobrine: Are you planning to cheat again?
Blue: Who, me? Never.

Henry nervously fiddles with his pins as his name is written next to Jay’s, who grins excitedly.

Jay: The only other blue guy not on our team!

Henry: (Iiiii have nooo clue how to play this-)

Ozzy doesn’t even do another spin as she writes down Charles and Mugman in the last two spots.

Ozzy: And that’s everyone!

Charles: I wonder what the pairs would’ve been if Remy and Jenny were still here?

Ozzy: I mean I dunno I probably would have put them against each other. Then again, I don’t really. Choose what the wheel does. So... everyone get to a TV with your opponent and get to fighting! In game. If you try to brawl in real life I’m going to make you play the game with a shitty knockoff controller.

Danny: Man, I hate it when I’m stuck with the knockoff controller.

Ozzy: Exactly! Now get to it, doofuses.

The contestants disperse into their pairs, Cyan tagging along with Lancer and Bambi (and Rainbow) following TSC. Remy pops out of the mansion with a large bucket of popcorn to watch next to Ozzy, who takes a fistful. The camera zooms into the first pair as the game starts.

~Giorno vs. Lore~

Giorno: Ness [Skill level 5/10]

Lore: Lucina [Skill level 3/10]

Giorno quickly gets the hang of Ness’s PK Fire and halfway through the battle ends up spamming Lore to death, who’s mostly just spamming buttons and hoping it works. He sighs and takes the loss as the loud sound of “GAME!” comes from the TV, holding out a hand to Giorno.

Lore: Good game. I kind of suck at anyone who’s not Kirby or the more well-known guys, so I was kind of bound to lose.

Giorno: Actually, I’ve never played this game before.

Lore: Wow. That’s even more embarrassing for me.

Giorno: You did admirably, if it means anything. I’m just used to having to adapt quickly in many situations.

Lore: Yeah, that’s kind of... not the same for me? I only just got my life turned upside down recently and it’s a lot to take in. I don’t even know how to properly fight with an axe.

Giorno: Perhaps we could learn together. I am always open if you need to talk.

Lore: I-I mean, sure, yeah, that’d be cool. Um. Good luck in the next round.

Giorno smiles pleasantly as Lore’s face burns from embarrassment, cursing himself internally for being so awkward, but appreciative of the offer for help. The camera pans over to Nickel and Seán, both grinning and trash talking each other as the game boots up.

~Seán vs Nickel~

Seán: Duck Hunt [Skill level 6/10]

Nickel: Samus [Skill level 8/10]

Seán: Aw, fuck, I almost never play this guy!

Nickel: Ha, I got one of the good characters. Suck it!

Seán: I’m gonna beat your ass!

Nickel: How can you do that when I don’t even have an ass?

Seán plays a valid game, but Nickel ends up mostly missile and Zero Lasering Seán to death after losing two lives to Seán’s right and left-B moves. Seán swears at his loss, but ends up patting the back of the large sentient nickel after that with a grin.

Seán: Well, I tried! Good game, coin man.

Nickel: Haha, Zero Laser for the win! You played pretty good too, though.

Seán: Thanks! Good luck against Giorno!

Nickel: I don’t need luck, but thanks anyway!

Nickel stands up proudly and goes to join Giorno and Lore to talk with them. At the next TV, Lancer is fiddling around with the controls while Player tries to read the instructions, given that he’s never actually played the game before. He’s good with puzzle boxes, though, so this can’t be that difficult, can it? Cyan watches next to Lancer, offerring hums of encouragement to both contestants.

~Player vs. Lancer~

Player: King Dedede [Skill level 4/10]

Lancer: Joker [Skill level 7/10]

Player: Okay... okay, I think I finally got the controls.

Lancer: Finally! Let’s get this show on the road already, symbol guy!!

Cyan: :D!!!

Player: My name is-

Lancer starts the game, interrupting Player from saying his real name. The man startles and tries to get a headstart, but thanks to his lack of skill in the game entirely, loses pretty solidly. He is able to last surprisingly long, though, and actually makes Lancer lose a life before the “GAME!” makes him sigh.

Player: Yeah, I expected this. I’m not really a video game guy anyway.

Lancer: What?! I thought everyone liked video games!!

Player: Wh- no , I do like video games, I just don’t play as often as some people. Haven’t had the time lately anyway...

Lancer: Why’s that?

Cyan: :0?

Player: I’m sure you don’t want to hear my tragic backstory or whatever.

Lancer: Now you’ve got me curious!! Tell me, symbol guy, tell me!

Cyan: ^-^!!

Player sighs.

Player: Well, it started with a letter from a pen pal of mine named AS, accompanied with a puzzle box that contained an eyepiece...

Player begins to tell his story, the two kids completely enraptured with the retelling of the first two The Room games from his perspective. He leaves out a lot of the creepy, traumatizing details, but otherwise is completely truthful. I won’t spoil the games for you though, so let’s move on to Danny and Dave...

~Danny vs. Dave~

Danny: Byleth [Skill level 2/10]

Dave: Snake [Skill level 3/10]

Danny: I hope the controls are the same as Brawl, because I really don’t want to have to look at the control screen.

Dave: Me either, dude. You ready to go?

Danny: Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess. 

Dave: Oh shit it’s Solid Snake!

Danny: I’m tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!

Dave laughs at Danny’s joke, and they continue to quote old memes and joke with each other more than entirely focusing on being serious. After a decently long battle, they come out laughing with Danny losing (and making another dead joke) and acting like old friends.

Dave: That was fun, man. Wanna rematch sometime?

Danny: Hell yeah! Congrats on winning, by the way. Beat the next guy’s ass!

Dave: I’ll try my best, haha. No promises!

Danny: Hey, I mean, you beat me, right?

The two grin at each other. Ozzy hums at the progress of everyone, Remy still eating popcorn next to her.

Ozzy: Y’know, maybe I should’ve chosen a game that everyone here has played.

Remy: Isn’t that like.. literally impossible, though?

Ozzy: Yeah, you’re right. Say, you have any challenge ideas?

Remy: Can’t you just ask your co-host?

Ozzy: He’s just gonna suggest The Stanley Parable again.

Wh- lies and slander! I didn’t even- I’m not even the same narrator!

Ozzy: I know, I just like to tease. 

Remy: You and the Narrator get along well, huh? Maybe I should’ve had a co-writer to help me with the videos. And surviving. That would be good.

Ozzy: Maybe Player’ll join you, he has experience with this sort of stuff?

Remy: Maybe. Only if he wants to though.

Y’know what, I’m just going to... go to the next pair. This was a nice break and all, but-

Ozzy: Yeah, yeah, I get it, main focus of the chapter. Have fun over there!

Remy: Good luck.

I’ll need it, knowing these guys. Ahem.

Camera pans over to TSC, who’s stretching in preparation for the battle, and Mario, who’s just nervously sitting with the controller in his hands and moving around the joysticks. TSC plops down and picks up the controller, looking excited. Mario just sighs. Bambi is watching from behind, though only half-heartedly, as he’s playing around with Rainbow.

~TSC vs. Mario~

TSC: Dark Pit [7/10]

Mario: Richter [5/10]

Mario: Alright, I can do this. I know this game, I can do this.

Mario then ends up losing by a fair bit, because TSC is just kind of that good. He sighs as TSC celebrates silently. Both Rainbow and Bambi cheer for TSC.

Bambi: Go teammate!

Rainbow: Woo!

Mario: Aw, darn.

Circle: Aw shucks!

Mario stares at Circle. Circle stares at Mario. TSC has multiple question marks next to their head and is standing in a confused expression. Bambi raises an eyebrow as Rainbow makes grabby hands at Circle. Ozzy looks over, nearly chokes on her popcorn (to which Remy starts laughing confusedly at), then teleports over.

Rainbow: A!

Ozzy: CIRCLE WHY ARE YOU HERE?!

Circle: I dunno

Ozzy: Can you like. Get out

Circle: 

Mario: He disappeared-

Ozzy looks around to find that indeed, Circle has simply disappeared. There are at least five more question marks near TSC now, and Mario is sighing into his hands.

Ozzy: I- what- okay. Sure. Let’s just. Move on to the next battle.

Good idea. Ahem. Next to TSC and Mario, who are just looking around confusedly, are Blue and Herobrine, the former of which looks eerily calm. Herobrine gives him a look.

Herobrine: You’re not going to cheat, are you?

Blue: No, no, not this time. Ozzy clearly set the rules.

Herobrine: Then why are you so calm?

Blue: Because, my good Minecraft creepypasta... I’m good at this game. It’s one of the games I used to play incessantly with my old co-host, Eraser Cap. I would’ve made a challenge for it in CFTD if it wasn’t cancelled.

Herobrine: Hm. Well, don’t count me out, either. The students at my school host Smash Bros. championships, and none of them have been able to beat me.

Blue: We’ll see who wins, then. Good luck!

The bouncy ball grins at his competitor, not unkindly. They both look confident for the battle. Say, I had no idea Blue even had a co-host. Ozzy, is that true?

Ozzy: Hm? Oh, yeah. It’s not really common knowledge- especially since she barely got, like, half a minute of screentime in the cancelled show- but honestly? If backstory is untouched, then I do what I want. I love ECap, she’s my blorbo.

Huh. Well, anyway...

~Blue vs. Herobrine~

Blue: Steve [Skill level 9/10]

Herobrine: Meta Knight [Skill level 8/10]

The battle is fierce and long-lasting, and ends up escalating into a death battle. When it seems like Herobrine’s about to win, however, the smash bubble appears, and Blue gets it last second- activating Steve’s Final Smash and ending the game. Blue cheers and pumps a fist in victory as Herobrine laughs good-naturedly.

Blue: Woo! Knew I still got it!

Herobrine: Congrats. Almost ironic you beat me using Steve, honestly.

Blue: Almost? That is ironic. Good game you put up. I almost lost. I guess you really are that good, huh?

Herobrine: So are you. Godlike powers are useful, huh?

Blue: Hey, give me some credit. I didn’t cheat at all this time.

Herobrine: Haha, you’re right. Just teasing.

Herobrine shakes Blue’s hand and grins. At the next TV over, Jay and Henry are gearing up for their battle. Jay is shaking out all his shakiness by flapping his hands (generating some electricity while he does so) and taking deep breaths. Henry just seems to be fiddling with the controller.

Henry: So... you good at this game?

Jay: Yeah! When I’m not shaky. Whoo, I’m nervous-

Henry: No need to be, I only really play this against Charles and Ellie. Er... the Charles from my universe. This one doesn’t seem to like me a lot.

Jay: You’re on the same team- you’ll have to get over whatever rivalry’s going on eventually. Besides, you seem pretty nice! And so does Charles. I’m sure if you guys just talked or whatever, you’d get along!

Henry: ...maybe you’re right. I hope you are.

Jay: Well, anyway, I’m ready!

Jay sits down and picks up the controller, initiating the battle.

~Jay vs. Henry~

Jay: Pikachu [Skill level 7/10]

Henry: Pac-Man [Skill level 8/10]

Jay stares at his choice.

Jay: Are you kidding me?

Henry bursts out laughing, and the first minute of the match is wasted on ranting and laughter, but when they actually start to fight seriously, it’s a very close battle. Both end up on one life, but Henry ends up K.O.ing Jay just before a death match would have started. Jay curses, sighs, and holds out a hand for Henry to shake, which he does.

Jay: Good game! Sorry about the long start.

Henry: No worries, it was funny. Thanks for the advice; I think I’ll take it next time I talk to Charles.

Jay: That might be soon; he’s up against Mugman, who’s a beast at card games- but uh, not at video games.

Henry: How do you know that?

Jay: He beat all our asses in poker and Uno but when we played Mario Party he lost spectacularly. Last night, anyway.

Henry: Oh. Well, uh... thanks for the tip, man.

Jay: No problem!

Charles, on the other hand, is mostly glancing over nervously at Henry while Mugman reads the rules. He sighs, and his opponent looks up.

Mugman: Anything wrong?

Charles: It’s just... I’ve mentioned that that Henry is Toppat, right?

Mugman: Yeah?

Charles: I don’t... trust the Toppat clan. I get that they’re, like, surviving together and that’s cool, but I constantly worry about them... hurting others by what they do. I know it’s ironic- especially considering that I work for the government - but I really am trying my best not to let that happen, you know? Inside man with the greatest plan. 

Mugman: I’m assuming part of that fear is from what the government told you about the Toppats, right?

Charles: Well, yes, but-

Mugman: Listen. I work for the Devil. The guy I used to spend my childhood fearing about like some almighty god. I live in a world of angels and magic and devil’s deals, and you wanna know what I learned? God is kind of a bitch. The Devil isn’t the worst person in the universe. 

Charles: ...

Mugman: Sure, he kicked the crap out of me when I was a kid, but then I repaid the favor- and technically , we were going after him . Self defense and all. He’s a cool guy once you get to know him- though, I’ll admit, I still trust him less than my own brother, though that just might be because he’s a bit of a chronic liar. Just talk to him, get to know him. Then form an opinion.

Charles: Yeah... yeah, you’re right. Sorry for dumping this on you.

Mugman snorts and opts to start the game.

Mugman: At least you dumped it on someone who has similar experience. I mean, you could’ve said all this to Lancer.

Charles: Haha.. yeah, I guess you’re right.

~Charles vs. Mugman~

Charles: Isabelle [Skill level 8/10]

Mugman: Ganondorf [Skill level 5/10]

The battle is pretty one-and-done, Charles easily sweeping Mugman with Isabelle. She’s one of his favorite characters to play as, so it makes sense. 

Charles: Woo! GG!

Mugman: Who knew a dog could sweep whatever Ganondorf is?

Charles: Practice, my dear Mugman, practice.

Ozzy claps her hands and all the losers (and spectators) are teleported back, while the new pairs are moved to the middle four TVs.

Ozzy: Alright, round two! Giorno and Nickel, Lancer and Dave, TSC and Blue, and Henry and Charles. Same rules as before, same stage- after this, we’ll move onto the semifinals and then the last battle of this chapter! So far, WOH has three players still in, SC(TOTS) has two, TBG! also has two, and... yikes, Animateam has only one! Good luck!

Nickel grins at Giorno and picks up the controller with his feet. Giorno seems slightly confused as to how that’s possible, but decides to focus on the game regardless.

~Nickel vs. Giorno~

Nickel: Mario [Skill level 10/10]

Giorno: Ryu [Skill level 6/10]

Nickel: Oooh, you’re going down .

Giorno: You ended up with the first character on random, it seems. That’s rather unlucky for me.

It’s really no contest; Nickel ends up sweeping the floor with Giorno. It’s probably the fact that Nickel got Mario. Other than that, the battle isn’t very interesting. Next up is Lancer and Dave, who are trash-talking each other in a friendly sort of way. It might help that Lancer is mostly complimentary and doesn’t actually know how to trash talk.

~Lancer vs. Dave~

Lancer: Banjo & Kazooie [Skill level 8/10]

Dave: Inkling [Skill level 3/10]

Lancer: Ooh! Bird and monkey!! I love these guys!

Dave: I have... no clue who this character is.

Lancer: You don’t know Splatoon??

Dave: Uh, no.

Lancer is caught off guard and slightly flabbergasted when the battle starts, leading to Dave getting a few hits in, but the boy quickly recovers and Dave’s loss of knowledge on Inkling and Splatoon as a whole lead to a quick loss.

Dave: Man... congrats, kid.

Lancer: Yes!!!

Lancer does a victory dance, to which Dave starts beatboxing to. They end up spending the rest of that round goofing off with each other. Over nextdoor is TSC and Blue, who are both glaring competitively at the screen. TSC had been stretching for the past few minutes, but is now completely focused on the game. Blue is silently praying for a good character, though he doesn’t show it.

~TSC vs. Blue~

TSC: Sheik [Skill level 6/10]

Blue: Luigi [Skill level 8/10]

TSC seems slightly disappointed at their character choice, while Blue just grins. Despite the difference in skill level between the two with each of their characters, TSC holds up surprisingly well. They do end up losing, though- Blue K.O.s them while he has one life left. He laughs good-naturedly, and they shake hands.

Blue: Good game, Second. You played well.

TSC flashes a thumbs up to Blue as Ozzy teleports over. Bambi is half raging from the stands, and the rest of Animateam seems disappointed at the loss.

Ozzy: Alright! That’s everyone from Animateam out, which means you guys are up for elimination. The rest of the tourney will still keep going, though- we have to figure out who the winner is! Though I might speed through them after Charles and Henry’s. 

Blue: Do what you have to do, I suppose. 

Charles and Henry, at the next TV, are sitting awkwardly next to each other, each waiting for the other to start talking. Eventually, they both try to break the silence- though unfortunately at the same time.

Henry: So-

Charles: I-

Henry: Oh, sorry, you go first-

Charles: I mean, are you sure, you can-

Henry: No, I insist!

Charles: I mean, okay...

Charles takes a deep breath.

Charles: Look, I’m sorry for my bad first impression. Part of my dislike of the Toppats is instinctual- I know that- but I’m just so worried and partly especially because you look so much like my Henry too? But.. you’re Toppat, and he’s not. And I’m always so worried about Toppats hurting innocents, even though I’m part of the government...

Henry: Hey, I get it. You care a lot about people. And honestly? My version of the Toppats is probably worse than yours. Reg is a cool guy. Galeforce I don’t really trust farther than I can throw him.

Charles: Galeforce is-?!

Henry: But I’m mostly there for you and Ellie. In all the endings where I’m government, I either don’t meet Ellie, am not friends with you, or I’m dead. I understand your dislike- honestly, I kind of share it- but I really don’t hate the government. Or you.

Charles: ...yeah. I’m sorry.

Henry: Apology accepted, though you really didn’t need to, hah. Ready to get on with the game?

Henry nudges Charles with a friendly grin, an apologetic one and a nod given in response. Mugman gives a thumbs up from the bleachers as the game finally starts.

~Henry vs. Charles~

Henry: Pichu [Skill level 7/10]

Charles: Falco [Skill level 9/10]

Charles lights up at the character he got, and Henry snorts at his. The battle isn’t particularly fast-paced or long-winded, and just simply ends with Charles winning due to skill with Falco. No surprise there. 

Henry: Congrats, Charlie!

Charles: I actually prefer just Charles, haha, but thanks.

Henry: Huh. I guess that’s a difference between you and the Charlie I know, then.

Charles: Neat!

The two fistbump. Ozzy claps their hands again and teleports the losers to the bleachers. 

Ozzy: Semifinals! Nickel and Lancer, and Blue and Charles. Good luck, you four!

Lancer happily sits next to his opponent, giving him a goofy grin.

Lancer: Ooh, the nickel guy!! Y’know, you kind of remind me of C. Round... who kind of terrifies me, honestly.

Nickel: Who’s C. Round? Also, why does he scare you?

Lancer: A giant checkers piece who crushes people to death!!

Nickel: Uh.. rest assured I don’t do that?

Lancer: Okay, phew!

Nickel kind of looks slightly nervous, remembering the safe trap, but decides not to mention it.

~Nickel vs. Lancer~

Nickel: Mr. Game & Watch [Skill level 9/10]

Lancer: Piranha Plant [Skill level 6/10]

Nickel beats Lancer pretty quickly, surprisingly showing that he plays Mr. G&W a lot. Lancer, on the other hand, loves the plant- but almost never plays as them. 

Lancer: Wow! You may not crush people to death, but you sure crushed me in game!

Nickel: Haha, yeah, I guess so. You played well though.

Lancer: Aw, thanks!!

Next to them, Charles is still riding the relief of the talk with Henry, and seems confident. Blue is crossing his fingers as the game starts, hoping for a good character again.

~Charles vs. Blue~

Charles: Shulk [5/10]

Blue: Villager [8/10]

The pairing ends up leaving Charles without good footing, given that Blue had a habit of playing Villager to be a menace. The game ends with a missile launched at Shulk and a knockout.

Charles: Aw man! Good game.

Blue: You did pretty good, I just play Villager a lot, haha. 

Charles: I can see that! Good luck in the finale!

Ozzy once again teleports the losers back to the bleachers, leaving Nickel and Blue at the middle TV, entirely focused on the game. Nickel hopes his luck pulls him through, and Blue holds the controller closely.

~Nickel vs. Blue~

Nickel: Greninja [Skill level 6/10]

Blue: Robin [Skill level 5/10]

Blue’s luck seems to finally run out in the finale, Nickel fighting tooth-and-nail and eventually coming out on top. The whole of the Sarcasm Central team cheers at the win, and Nickel whoops out loud. Blue laughs and pats the other object character on the back with a smile. Ozzy grins and looks at the camera.

Ozzy: And that’s everyone! Viewers, please vote here on who you want to eliminate from Animateam. TSC is safe as the poll declares!

TSC brightens up at that, then signs out “how many”?

Ozzy: By the majority of seven votes, actually. Voting ends on the 25th, by the way. Now, just give me one second to gather the Sarcasmers...

Ozzy claps their hands and teleports all of the Sarcasmers to one of the TVs, holding a USB in hand, which they plug into their computer, which is screensharing.

Ozzy: Alright, you guys, time for your prize- this ad was sent to me by post through DS. Enjoy!

They pull up the mp4 and begin to play it.

The video opens on Kaminari on a green background.

(video) Kaminari: Hey, viewer! Ever need a tool for every situation possible? Well, with this tool, you’ll have it all!

Kaminari pulls out an onion.

(video) Kaminari: Introducing the Infinite. It’s called that because it has infinite uses!

Dave: Is that a fucking onion?

Lore: Oh my god, I think it is.

Cut to ENA and Cuphead playing baseball with the oni- *cough* Infinite.

(video) Kaminari: You can use it as a sports ball.

Cuphead pitches the Infinite at ENA, who hits the Infinite. It flies into Cuphead’s head, shatters it, and ricochets off Zim’s head and into a spotlight, knocking out Zim and breaking the spotlight.

(video) Kaminari: Oh, shi-

Nickel: Ooh, that’s gotta hurt.

Lore: Why did they think that was a good idea?

Cut to ENA writing something down. Scout and Mr. Game & Watch were in the background, trying to figure out how to glue Cuphead’s skull back together. They were halfway done. Gray was on a ladder fixing the spotlight.

(video) Kaminari: You can use it as a paperweight!

Mario: I feel bad for Cuphead back there. Yikes.

Nickel: Couldn’t the host just have revived him?

ENA puts the onion down on the paper and walks away. Cuphead’s headless body stumbled around and knocked into the ladder, causing Gray fall on top of Scout, Mr. Game & Watch, and Cuphead’s head. Gray was no stranger to having broken glass in his spine. Unfortunately, Scout and Mr. Game & Watch were knocked out.

(video) Kaminari: Son of a-

Nickel: Is this team just really accident prone?

Ozzy: Yeah.

Cut to TABS Unit aiming its bow.

(video) Kaminari: You can use it as target practice,

Mario: Bad idea.

TABS Unit aims its bow at the Infinite, which was placed atop ENA’s head. TABS Unit shot a firework arrow, getting a bullseye. However, it ricochets around the room and hits TABS Unit in the back of the head, knocks it out, and causes all its other arrows to set off towards ENA. She runs away until she hits a wall. Luckily, all the arrows somehow missed. Unluckily, ENA fainted from the shock.

(video) Kaminari: Fu-

Mario: Bad idea holy shit-

Lore: I almost can’t watch this, jeez-

Cut to Duck in a small pond, with Kaminari and Gray sitting near it on a bench.

(video) Kaminari: You could feed it to the ducks!

Lore: Please don’t I’m pretty sure onions are poisonous to most animals.

Kaminari throws an onion at Duck. It catches it in its mouth, but chokes on it.

(video) Kaminari: You could even feed it to yourself!

Nickel: Ew.

Kaminari takes a bite out of the onion apple-style.

(video) Kaminari: Mmm!

Kaminari’s face gradually becomes more and more disgusted until he finally spits out. Meanwhile, Duck simultaneously suffocates and drowns somehow.

(video) Kaminari: Ugh. That tastes like a-

Mario: Is- the duck guy okay-

Dave: This feels like one of those random ass YouTube videos you somehow get recommended even though it’s really not anything you’d watch.

Nickel: Accurate.

Cut to Kaminari with a green background.

(video) Kaminari: So, yeah! Buy now!

Nickel: No.

Lore: Yeah, I’d rather get my onions from the store.

Dave: Agreed.

A sticker pops up.

(video) Spamton: SPAMTON APPROVED!

Nickel: Spamton???

Dave: Who’s Spamton?

Nickel: Uh... long story.

Cut to black.

Ozzy: So, what do you think?

Dave: Chaotic and destructive. I love it.

Nickel: I would not buy anything from them under any circumstance.

Lore: What the hell did I just watch?

Mario: I feel bad for the cup headed guy and the duck.

Ozzy: Haha, that’s about what I expected.

Chapter Text

Ahem. Oh, how do I say this...

Hello, it is me, your beloved Narrator. I have some... mildly bad news to tell. No, Ozzy isn't sick, don't worry about that. On the other hand, s he's on vacation. Not only that, but the idiot decided to start another writing project, and the last few weeks have been pretty stressful, what with finals and all.

To put it bluntly, the next chapter will take longer than usual.

That's not to say this is discontinued or even on a super long hiatus, just that you'll have to wait a little more for a proper chapter four. It's planned out, just not written fully.

This is absolutely their pet project and they love it too much to just cancel it out of the blue. It's not over yet.

For now though, you can check out many other character elimination fics! If you go to the work that inspired this one- TWSGS- in the notes after every chapter is a list containing a good amount of other character elimination fics, like CDCAT and ECER.

This is the Narrator, signing off.

[Sigh] Ozzy, now was a very bad time to get back into MCYT, you know? You could've- wait, is this still recording? Shit-