Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Simon examined himself in the mirror critically, a shock considering he rarely if ever put any thought into his appearance other than wearing clean clothes and deodorant. Today was a major event, however, and that meant that a bit more effort than usual was welcome, needed in fact. Simon had always thought Grace was the most beautiful girl in the world from the moment he'd seen her, and as they'd gotten older, as he'd watched her beauty grow in tandem with her number that feeling had only gotten stronger.

To Simon being by Grace's side, knowing they were the only people the other really needed made him happy, and almost completely content. Almost. He still wanted that second layer, the one that used to seem like a foregone conclusion to him, the idea that he and Grace would be together romantically. When he was younger and had no clue how these things worked he assumed it would simply happen one day with no effort needed on his part. But now he'd lived a bit more life and read a few more books and he was pretty sure about what he needed to do.

So, he was smoothing down his hair with his hands and looking at his teeth to make sure there was no gunk in them. Simon knew that if Grace didn't want to be with him based on his appearance smoothing down his hair and flossing for one day wouldn't change that. She'd been alongside him when he was sick and gross when he'd walked around with hotdog breath, and worst of all when his puberty-stricken brian has made it his mission to forgo showering for as long as possible. He shuddered at the thought.

Still, the idea that he could somehow fix all of that if he could just look presentable for this one moment, and that he could get Grace to see all past that and be with him, it made Simon feel like he had control over the situation. A crucial fact to him, considering being without control tended to put Simon incredibly on edge. He frowned at his appearance as it seemed that smoothing it with his hands hadn't done much, and he'd need to run a comb through it for optimal results.

Simon dug around his room for a bit, knowing that Grace had at some point gifted him a comb that she'd gotten during a raid on a hair salon-themed car, saying he'd need it. However, being the type of person who he was Simon hadn't thought much of it, tossing it to the side somewhere because when would he ever need a comb? He felt underneath his bed for a brief moment until he finally came across it and pulled it out. Blowing the dust off of it, he combed through his hair for a few minutes before deeming it good enough.

Taking a few deep breaths he exited the car and scanned it for Grace, always a bit hard in the sea of chaos that was the mall car. If it was up to him, he'd have included a bit more structure and routine in the lives of the Apex, turned them into a real force to be reckoned with, but it didn't matter that much he supposed. As long as the kids were placated and knew the procedure for raids the entire thing worked. Grace made it work, made everything work in his opinion, and his heart fluttered when he saw her.

"Okay so the color didn't turn out exactly like you wanted, but the paint is washable so it's fine," Grace said, handing a mirror to one of the Apex kids. She'd found a stash of washable paint during their last raid and had the bright idea to dye some of the kids' hair with it. She knew it was probably nowhere near as safe as using actual hair dye and might end with some disastrous results but the Apex was about freedom, chaos, and most of all actions without consequences. Hair was hair, it would be fine…she still wasn't using it on herself, however.

"Grace! Could I talk to you for a second?" Simon asked and Grace gave him a smile. Simon was as awkward as he always was, even when it came to the simple stuff. She chuckled and wiped her hands on a towel that she'd laid out when starting the hair dying and responded to him without looking up.

"Yeah sure, go ahead," she said as some of the more rambunctious of the Apex started using the remaining paint to make some makeshift graffiti on the walls of whatever store this used to be. Simon shuffled awkwardly in an amusing way as he watched this before clearing his throat and saying something else.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you alone…" he explained and it seemed for a moment that all of the members of the Apex, or at least the ones in the vicinity stopped to "Oooh" at them and giggle something which made Grace roll her eyes.

"Why don't all of you go get ready for the next raid? First, one done gets first pick of the haul for today," she said in that sweet voice she always pulled out when she wanted her way, and like always it worked as the kids whose hair she dyed and the nosey bystanders all scampered off to go get prepared. "What's up Simon?" she asked when the two of them were finally alone, and now that they were and she was able to get a better look at Simon she noticed that he seemed even more awkward and nervous than usual.

He was sweating even though it wasn't hotter than usual, he was shifting on his feet and his eyes seemed to dart everywhere. Outside of that, it seemed he'd put some actual effort into his appearance for once. He was wearing a nice shirt and, from what Grace knew, his only pair of jeans, as opposed to his normal cargo shorts. He'd even combed his hair before putting it back into its normal ponytail. Grace smiled amused at this realization even more curious about what exactly he was up to.

"So Grace…you know, we've known each other for a long time," he started and it was painfully obvious to Simon that he had no idea what he was doing. A part of him hoped someone would put him out of his misery in that moment to keep him from embarrassing himself any further, but there was no such luck.

"Yeah, we have, eight years by now right?" Grace questioned as she leaned casually against the counter where there was only a busted-up register and a selection of half-empty bottles of washable paint. She looked so confident and cool in an utterly effortless way that made Simon even more nervous than usual. He dried his hands on his jeans and continued.

"Yeah…" he said trailing off before finally pulling himself together and deciding that simply ripping the bandaid off would be better. "Grace, I think we should be together," she said seriously before quickly adding. "Like, romantically I mean." which took most of the bravado out of his declaration. Grace for her credit wore an expression that Simon found basically unreadable as she cycled through a million thoughts at once. She spoke after what felt like an entirety but it wasn't what Simon hoped to hear.

"You think we should date?" she asked in a way that betrayed nothing, simply a clarifying question that still refused to tell Simon anything about how she actually felt. He simply nodded numbly as it sank in for him that he really had ruined whatever relationship he and Grace could have hoped to have as friends by letting his emotions get the best of him.

"You…don't feel the same?" he offered, waiting for her to agree. For the first time in eight years, Simon saw something he thought was impossible. Grace, the effortlessly confident, always composed perfect Grace Monroe… seemed flustered.

"No! I mean, yes? Wait I just-" she said trying as hard to compose herself as Simon was trying to keep himself composed. She took a deep breath, doing that lip-trilling thing that Simon always found so endearing. "I'm just…a little surprised is all. I need some time to think Simon," she said and Simon almost would have preferred a rejection to what was happening at the moment. He felt like a slowly deflating balloon with every moment that passed.

"Right," Simon said trying to conceal how upset he was, how annoyed and angry he was at himself for letting things end up the way that they did. Grace seemed to start to say something but Simon simply spoke again, not letting her get the words out. "I'll go get the kids and leave for the raid," he explained before walking out of the room and away from Grace, the person who he loved more than anything, the one who he'd never get to be with and yet would have to see every day regardless.

The next few days were hell as Simon and Grace did an awkward dance around each other. Simon knew that when Grace said she needed time to think she was trying to politely tell him no, and he wouldn't make her give him a hard no. He held onto some hope that things would go back to some semblance of normal at some point but he didn't put much stock into the idea. It seemed unlikely especially considering he couldn't get her out of his head even after she'd all but outright rejected him.

And for Grace, her mind was a mess of confusing emotions as her best friend in the world confessed to her something that shook her world. She'd never thought of Simon in that way, as a potential partner. He was just…Simon. Simon who was always there for her, who she couldn't imagine life without. But now that she thought about it…the idea did make her happy. Simon, a forever dork being her dork. She'd always known she and Simon were going to be together forever, she just supposed she took for granted that this awkward step was a part of it.

So, as she thought about it Grace's mind was made up. What better way to celebrate their years of dedication to one another than this than to make their relationship officially a romantic one. The two of them had kissed years ago when they were young and Grace had giggled about it. Thinking about it now it seemed so small and silly, and Grace was sure she could do it better if she tried now. And so she'd prove herself right, the two of them would date and she'd tell Simon as soon as possible.

"Can I come in?" Grace asked from the other side of the door and Simon practically jumped out of his skin, so focused on painting his miniatures that he'd almost forgotten where he was, and more importantly he'd almost forgotten where he stood with Grace. But now he was back to that harsh reality, and he wanted to say no, to avoid where this was inevitably going. But despite his better judgment he didn't tell her to go away.

"Welcome," Simon said awkwardly after getting up and opening the door, before stepping to the side and letting Grace walk in. He considered leaving the door open but ultimately closed it behind her. "So…did you come to check up on the latest chapter of Esmoroth?" Simon asked, hoping to divert the situation away from what he knew it would be. Unfortunately, he had no such luck as Grace shut it down immediately.

"Actually, I came to talk to you about something," she said and Grace seemed to steel herself in a way that still seemed utterly foreign to what Simon knew about her. "I've thought a lot about what you said and-" Grace started before Simon cut her off.

"Grace I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything and I made things weird and I just…I should have known better," he said and Grace looked at him shocked for a moment, before smiling at him and walking close to him, close enough that Simon started to feel weird and sweaty again.

"Simon," she said in that same sweet voice she was a master of. "I want to be with you," she said and Simon felt like he was dreaming, although if this was a dream he hoped he'd be at least a bit more sauve. Maybe he'd wrap his arms around her waist and pull her into a kiss. Instead, he simply asked a question.

"Really?" he asked nervously and Grace nodded. He could feel his heart beating in his ears as he realized Grace Monroe, the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, was going to be with him. "Then let's make this the start of a new era for the Apex!" Simon announced. "That little robot menace won't know what hit him," he said and Grace seemed inclined to agree.

"You want to tell the kids about this?" Grace asked seriously before the two of them burst into laughter. There was no way any of the Apex kids were ever going to be told about this directly, after all, they already thought they were dating as is and were exactly as immature about it as you'd expect a group of children with no supervision to be.

"Well, if we do enough PDA that won't be a problem," Simon teased as a subtle question on if he could kiss her, and with Grace's laugh and nod that he was right, he leaned in and kissed her. It was a bit awkward for both of them and Grace noted that Simon's unkempt stubble brushed against her face when they kissed. She also noticed that she kind of liked it.

Chapter Text

There was an art to destruction, that was something Grace had learned a long time ago. An art to smashing up a car, to setting a fire that engulfed an entire area, to leaving your mark in a way that left stains and scars. But there was an art to creation too, an art to stringing together moves in an impromptu dance in the way you were taught so many years ago. Dance was always how she reminded herself of that, of the art of creation. Simon had his ways of reminding himself of that too, and Grace had seen that in his miniatures and his writing.

But there was another way too, another push for them to remember that burning the old down had a compliment that felt just as good if not better, creating the new. The two of them had been officially dating for just a bit now, a few weeks or so, but everything felt shiny and new again. When they'd vowed to usher in a new era of the Apex they'd meant it, and even if nothing had materially changed there was a great shift in the air, a new invigorating spirit that made every raid feel like the very first one.

Grace took this in a way to mean every raid felt as new and fun as it once had, back before the Apex had grown into what it would eventually become, back when it was just the two of them, confused and upset and needing an outlet they tied to ideology. Grace remembered why they'd started doing this in the first place, and why they'd never stopped. Simon however had taken that feeling of newness that came with every raid since they'd started dating in a different way, however.

Simon had always been a big dork and a stickler for the rules in certain situations but now it seemed that had been kicked into high gear. Every time Grace did something even remotely dangerous or took any risk he'd be right there encouraging her not to. At first, she'd thought he was very obviously trying to keep her from raising her number and crowning herself queen as always, but she quickly noticed just how much he fretted over the whole thing and her thinking changed.

As much a shock as it seemed to her, Simon was genuinely worried about something happening to her, and he dealt with this by being an utter stick in the mud. Grace found it really cute actually, the way he'd watch with bated breath as she did the same sort of thing she always did with the added caveat that if she got hurt it wouldn't just be his best friend who always bounced back, but his girlfriend who he'd become extra protective over. Still, she couldn't allow it to interfere with her leading raids, so she figured she'd have a talk with him.

"You're not busy, are you?" Grace asked as she casually as she strolled into Simon's room without asking first. The two of them had taken to that, their newfound relationship leading to an increased level of intimacy that meant entering their room without asking didn't feel like a big deal anymore.

"Never too busy for you," Simon said in that love-struck voice he'd started putting on when it came to her. It was almost funny to watch the contrast between that cold uninterested voice he could out on when a null begged for mercy compared to how soft he was with her. Grace couldn't imagine how being on the receiving end of that first voice would be. "But first I've got something for you," Simon added before Grace could say what she came here for. He thrust a small box he was holding behind his back at her.

The thing fit comfortably in two of her hands, a simple white box with a red ribbon wrapped around it. Grace wondered where he'd found it before remembering they'd dealt with a post office car not too long ago. Gently she unwrapped the ribbon and opened the box to find one of Simon's figures inside. It was precisely carved and hand painted, a beautiful black ballerina in a classic pink tutu. Her arms lifted above her head in elegant curves and she was in passé. Turning her to the front she recognized the face instantly. The ballerina was her.

"Simon this is…" she said, getting a bit choked up. She remembered being a kid, long before all of the Apex stuff, long before Simon or the train, and she remembered being small and vulnerable and wanting to be seen. A lone ballerina under a spotlight staring at seats that would never be filled. But in this figure she wasn't that little girl, wasn't vulnerable and hurt and angry. She was as she was now, precise and poised, perfect. She was effortless, not caring if anyone was looking at her at all, or at least it looked like that from the outside.

"I thought you'd like it, since, you know…you're my ballerina," Simon muttered that last part. Grace was never good at coming up with pet names and usually defaulted to deflecting with teasing, but Simon had started calling her his ballerina. Frozen, beautiful at the moment just like this figure, and Grace knew she couldn't tell Simon to back off and trust her to be safe because like this figure, like everything else, it was just too sweet for Grace to ruin the moment.

"It's perfect," Grace said with a kiss, pulling Simon close to reward him with a meeting of lips that she hummed into because it was warm and safe, just like Simon, just like the Apex. "I'll put it on my vanity," she promised and she went off to do just that before Simon could recognize that she'd supposedly come into his room for a purpose that had gone unfulfilled. If Simon noticed he didn't say anything about it, and Grace was happy with that. If Simon wanted to worry about her she'd put up with it, it wasn't like it was hurting anything.

Grace was utterly perfect and Simon knew it, it was obvious in the way she moved, and the way she spoke. Simon could just watch her forever, the way she twirled and danced across cars as she destroyed everything in her path. It made his heart swell to think that it would be something he'd get forever, to watch her like that. That desire, the selfish one to make sure he got to see Grace preserved in her perfection forever, was the one that made him incredibly paranoid that she'd hurt herself on one of their raids.

The Apex had procedures for its members and what they were and weren't allowed to do while on a raid. They'd been put in place by Simon himself to avoid some of their more…energetic members from getting hurt, which of course took time and resources away from the rest of their mission as a group. Grace didn't see the big deal about the whole thing when he'd brought it up to her all of those years ago. She'd insisted that if a kid got hurt they'd take care of them and then go about things.

"What's the point of absolute freedom if you put rules on it, Simon?" Grace had asked and while Simon could have probably come up with a good reason he was fourteen and Grace was fourteen and his crush on her had only gotten worse every day so he'd just walked off and muttered he was doing it anyway. So, there were rules in place to be followed. The only issue was that those rules while applying to both of them on paper, had never actually been practiced by either of them.

In their minds, they were the oldest, the most mature, and absolutely capable of handling more dangerous situations. And while both of them had been hurt on occasion for the most part they were right, and neither had been in any real danger in years. And yet watching Grace climb to the highest point in the car, dance along a dangerously thin edge, or poor gasoline on an unwatched fire made him bite his nails. Never mind that he did all of the same things if not worse, it was different when it was Grace.

They were together now and that meant they needed to take care of each other, it meant he needed to take care of her. And if that meant maybe he had to give off the impression that he didn't trust her to take care of herself he could deal with that. Sometimes you had to do things for other people's good, just like sometimes you had to bail on a car when things got bad. Maybe it wasn't the most fun thing in the world but safety was important. And Grace, his ballerina, was something he wasn't willing to compromise on.

"Come on, let's hit another car!" Grace had cheered after they'd come back from a successful raid in another car. The adrenaline flowing through her veins was almost overwhelming and she wanted another rush, to unleash all of the feelings that built inside of her. It really was just like being a kid again.

"Are you sure?" Simon asked and Grace knew why he was hesitant. A piece of flaming debris had almost hit her in their last car, and she was only narrowly saved by Simon grabbing her by the waist and whisking her away. If any members of the Apex hadn't known they were together by then, the look they'd shared after had certainty clued them in. Still, Grace had found the entire exercise romantic and would have been able to get out of the way on her own if push came to shove.

"Yes I'm sure," she swore before looking Simon in the eyes with that soft expression she knew always got to him and adding. "Come on Simon, this entire thing is supposed to be fun. You've been so busy worrying about me you've only raised your number by a few digits." She said and when Simon looked at his arm and saw that, while bigger, the rate of growth was nowhere near what it usually was after raids he seemed inclined to agree.

"Yeah, you're right," he said before adding something with a smile. "I'll make up for the lost time by outpacing you in the next car." with that their trip on another raid was solidified with the two wrangling their group and packing their bags to head back out. The car they ended up in was quite an interesting one, and by interesting, they of course meant utterly confusing. It seemed like four different themes had been slammed together in one. Not that it mattered much to Grace, it wasn't going to last much longer.

Watching the kids tear apart a car was always fun but she absolutely loved getting to see Simon back in his element, not a care in the world as he took things from houses and took a bat to whatever displeased him. Grace was so busy looking admiringly at Simon that she didn't participate much but it wasn't too big of a deal. These turtle denizens weren't much fun anyway, and she'd much rather watch Simon and the kids than bother with them. Simon took a bat to a fire hydrant and grape jelly sprayed everywhere.

"This car man…" Simon muttered before being joined by Grace who grabbed him for an impromptu dance in the jelly rain. It was easy between the two of them and Simon started to think maybe he had been worrying about nothing. Everything would be okay, with the Apex and with the two of them. Then the car began to shift underneath their feet. Grace, who just a second ago had been giggling and twirling, instantly shifted into the immaculate leader of the Apex, and Simon felt love-struck like he was fourteen again.

"We've got a shifter! Everybody retreat!" she yelled and the kids instantly followed her order, scrambling out of the car. "Simon, we've got to run," she assured him and suddenly all of Simon's worst fears were coming true as he could see Grace slipping on the pile of jelly and being injured, being sent to wherever shifted cars went.

"Wait! What if you slip and hurt yourself?" he asked and Grace looked at him like he was crazy. She likely would have protested verbally if not for the fact that the movement of the car caused the infrastructure of the car to start crumbling, the walled side of a house with one wall on one of its sides beginning to fall over onto Simon. Grace grabbed him as fast as she could and pulled him most of the way to safety, though a part of his food remained trapped under the debris. Time was running out for both of them.

"I'm going to get us out of here Simon," Grace swore. Using the slipperiness of the jelly she was able to dislodge his foot and resist her urge to point out that she'd just saved him. Grace readied her grappling pack and the world seemed to become weightless as the car started in freefall. Grace squeezed Simon reassuringly at the same time that she shut her eyes tight and shot, hoping they'd make it to the bridge. As they flew through the air Grace gritted her teeth hard and remembered everything that brought her to where she was, every mistake, every promise.

"Are we alive?" Simon asked after they landed on the bridge with a clammer, a mess of tangled limbs, and a broken grappling pack wrapped around them. Grace shot up and took a deep breath at the fact that she was alive, but only barely.

"Yeah, not thanks to you," she snarked as the annoyance over Simon's actions set it. Simon sat up awkwardly and winced at the feeling in his foot, which did soften Grace quite a bit. "I know I know, you were just trying to keep me safe," she muttered to no one in particular. "How far are we?" she asked as Simon pulled out his tracker pad.

"About 50 cars." He said as he awkwardly tried to put some weight on his foot and leaned on Grace for stability. She gave him a little kiss on the cheek as she tried not to stare into the big empty desert that existed just beyond the reaches of the train.

"Then we better start walking." she assessed as they started off to do just that.

Chapter Text

50 cars was a long way from the Apex, though Grace supposed that when it had first been said to her by Simon she hadn't realized exactly how long. Some cars were walk-throughs, much easier to handle and much easier to mess up when they were with a team of kids. Unlike the case of a raid however it was just Grace and Simon, both of them incredibly competent at that sort of destruction, but ultimately both just two people. That meant a walk-through was a godsend to just get in and out.

"Let's take stock," Simon insisted as soon as they'd collected themselves in that first car, and Grace began unpacking her bag. Nothing of note, for the most part, the two had blessedly little food but Simon had already known scavenging would be a part of the journey. There was something in the bag however that Grace attempted to conceal.

"That's everything," she insisted and Simon looked at her for a long moment as if considering what to do next to figure out exactly what she was hiding in the bag. "What?" Grace said and before anything else could be said Simon practically pounced on her and started tickling her. She started laughing so hard she couldn't breathe. "Simon I hate you-" she said through her laughter and Simon didn't relent.

"Tell me what you're hiding in your bag," he insisted in a playful manner and when Grace finally called uncle she handed it over, and Simon quickly discovered what she'd been trying to keep concealed. "The ballerina figure I gave you?" he asked and Grace was wiping the tears from her eyes when she explained why she had it.

"I've been taking it with me everywhere…it's kind of my good luck charm now," she said embarrassed and Simon's heart swelled as he gave her a kiss, overwhelmed by just how much he loved his girlfriend.

"You're my good luck charm," Simon insisted, and Grace looked genuinely touched at him saying so. "Two good luck charms is probably how we ended up surviving that shift," he insisted and Grace seemed to agree as he helped her off of the ground, still winded after him tickling the information out of her. Learning that Grace was ticklish had been such an odd moment for Simon, a second where he remembered that despite how high she was Grace was shockingly human. With that they continued on their way praying the car ahead of them would be easy.

That's because the alternative was a long elaborate themed car which they'd have to stealthily work their way through, taking care to avoid any nulls which looked too powerful for them to handle on their own. The first two cars had been simple walk thought cars, one of them containing a simple puzzle that Simon had cracked in seconds. Neither had anything of real note and Grace was starting to get a bit comfortable. After all, if every car was as easy as those two they'd be home in no time flat.

The car that came next had been the real problem, however. Grace and Simon were holding hands, walking alongside one another as Simon's foot seemed to mostly recover, and it was a good thing too. The first thing Grace noticed as they entered the car was that she was assaulted by the smell of hospital cafeteria nachos, that being nachos that were just plasticy cheese on top of stale chips. The second was the distinct stickiness of the floor, which she was sure couldn't be good for her sneakers.

"Oh great," Simon had commented as soon as they entered. "There's no exit in sight," he reported after a preliminary scan of the area, and Grace was inclined to agree. It seemed that if they wanted to find out what the deal was with this car they'd be forced to traverse deeper. The place was covered in a dark carpet with rainbow patterns, strobe lights flashed bright colors which swung around the room, and music Grace had never heard before blared from the speakers so loud she could barely think.

"What even is this place?" Grace muttered to herself and Simon chuckled to himself having heard the comment.

"You can't recognize an arcade when you see one?" he asked and Grace suddenly felt flustered. She thrived on knowing everything, on that appearance of effortless confidence, and of knowing everything without trying. Never mind the fact that her childhood had been immensely sheltered, without real friends or real experiences outside of the purview of her parents. She scoffed at Simon's comment, quickly deflecting.

"Of course I have, it's just different from the arcades I've seen before," she shot back and Simon seemed to accept this at face value. As they moved more through the car Simon threw his arm out in front of her to keep her from moving forward, crouching down behind a plastic plant that was set up in the place, and despite not knowing what was going on Grace followed suit, trusting him.

"There are nulls up ahead," Simon muttered and Grace peered over the plant, seeing a group of what looked to be stuffed animal denizens, the kinds Grace would see in the claw machines she passed as a child, being ushered into a room inside of the arcade-like structure. "And they're armed," Simon commented and Grace noticed that they seemed to be holding blasters of some kind. Suddenly, a memory of something she had explained to her once popped into her mind.

"Oh! I think they're playing laser tag," she said and with that, she started to stand back up only to have Simon pull her back down before she could fully stand back up. "What? Their guns aren't real, and they're literally stuffed animals. We're going to be fine Simon.΅ she assured him and Simon looked unamused at the comment as he took a deep breath.

"Second 1 Subset B of the Apex guidelines clearly says no matter how cute or friendly a null looks it's still a null and is still dangerous without a group," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and Grace rolled her eyes at his dramatism at the situation. What threat was a group of stuffed animal nulls with fake guns going to pose to the leaders of the Apex?

"Listen, I know that's what the rules say but when has that ever stopped us?" she asked and Simon looked almost as frustrated as she felt. Still, she did have to have some sympathy for him, she knew that Simon was only doing what he thought was right. She sighed and put her hand on his shoulder gently, and Simon looked into her eyes sincerely. "Simon, I know you're just trying to keep us safe, and under normal circumstances, I'd love that, but these aren't normal circumstances. If we don't bend the rules at least a little we won't make it back," she said.

Grace didn't want to show it but the truth was she was afraid of what was going on with the Apex while they weren't there. The kids were great but they were also kids, and leaving them on their own likely wouldn't lead to anything good. That was why Simon's behavior confused her so much, why fret over her, especially with the knowledge she could take care of herself when there was an entire car of kids who depended on them who were all alone? She didn't understand and she wasn't much in the mood to, though being his girlfriend the sympathy was unfightable.

"Grace…I just don't want you to get hurt, and I think going in head first is reckless," he said and suddenly all of that sympathy dried up almost immediately.

"Simon I literally saved both of us in that last car, and you don't trust me in this one?" she asked and he didn't say anything. "Fine, I'm going to find the exit on my own then." she continued as she headed out from behind the plant and Simon jumped up to follow her. Grace began putting on one of the two remaining vests that were laid out and grabbed one of the guns.

"What are you doing?" Simon asked though he was also suiting up, following her lead. He didn't understand why Grace wouldn't just see his point of view and trust him, though he also knew her going in alone was a million times worse than him having to follow behind whatever plan she was about to attempt. Grace got a look on her face, that sly smile she got when she knew she was about to destroy a car, the smile that reminded Simon she was absolutely the love of his life.

"I'm going to take down some nulls, and you're going to find the exit," she said, and with that she charged fully into the room where the game was being played, stealthily creeping around in the dimly lit room as Simon trailed after her search for the door. As he traced the walls looking for the way out he noticed a scoreboard that was on a screen at the top of the room. Grace didn't have any points yet, and neither did he. Simon didn't care at all, and he wasn't interested in anything but getting out with minimal incident to his ballerina.

Still, as he stalked the wall he did watch closely for Grace and listened for her voice in case she was in trouble. He knew that he should probably trust her more but he also knew that she needed to be protected, needed to be kept safe as the leader of the Apex and as his girl. The idea that something might happen to her and he wouldn't be able to prevent it scared him more than anything. Eventually, he did find the door against the wall and went to go get Grace so they could leave.

It was then that he found her utterly surrounded by the nulls in the car, cornered on all sides and even worse he noticed her ankle was bleeding. They hadn't noticed him yet so Simon took the opportunity to knock each of them down with the butt of the blaster he was holding. He rushed in and grabbed Grace, pulling her to safety towards the door. The screen which had previously displayed the scores of the players now only flashed a warning which read "No roughhousing" in big red letters.

Simon threw the vest which he'd been wearing at the screen which caused the lights in the place to come on as a result of the destruction of property, and without thinking any further, he grabbed Grace's arm, threw open the door, and pulled her to safety on the bridge. He expected an apology and maybe a "You were right Simon," after everything that had happened. Instead, she simply looked at him annoyed with her arms folded. Still, he wasn't saying anything until he got an apology.

"Seriously Simon? I totally had that!" she insisted and Simon shook his head in disagreement. What was Grace even talking about? She'd been surrounded and injured, and just like any good boyfriend he'd swooped in and protected her.

"I just saved you, that group of nulls had you surrounded." Simon insisted and Grace let out a groan at his insistence. She put her head in her hands at the comment and Simon continued on despite her seeming disapproval of his comments. "And you're injured," he explained gesturing at her ankle and finally Grace explained her point of view.

"Those nulls didn't have me, Simon, they were playing laser tag and were going to shoot me with their fake lasers. If I was in any real danger I would have knocked them out the same as you did," she explained and Simon bristled at the comment though he didn't know why. "And my injury,΅ she said, gesturing to her ankle which was only slightly cut. "Happened because I tripped in the dark." she insisted and yet despite her evidence Simon still felt he'd done only what any reasonable person would have. Still, he figured he'd try to make it up to her.

"Look…I get that you could have handled it, it's just…do you remember when he formed the Apex?" he asked and Grace rolled her eyes but nodded nonetheless.

"Yeah, it was right after we left the car with all of those dinosaurs." she'd said and Simon reminded her of something.

"And in that car, those nulls had surrounded you, tried to kill you. We barely escaped and that's what taught us the lesson that nulls couldn't be trusted. When I saw you being attacked back then…all I could do was watch, too terrified to protect you. I guess when I saw you back in the last car surrounded like that…I just didn't want to make the same mistake." he admitted and Grace seemed to soften a little if only for a second before getting upset again.

"Yeah, well this wasn't that," she said, starting to walk up ahead for the next car, and Simon once again followed after her, putting his hand on her shoulder trying to offer at least a little comfort even if it seemed their little disagreement wouldn't be ended as easily as he'd hoped. At the very least Simon was sure that in time he'd get Grace to see what he was talking about and why he had to behave the way that he did. And until then he could still dote on her in other ways.

"Will you at least let me bandage your cut?" he asked and Grace looked at him a long second before finally relenting with a sigh and a nod. Simon pulled out a pack of bandaids he had and gently placed it on her cut, all of the love and reverence he felt for Grace in the simple act that he performed. Grace accepted it and walked up ahead once again, and Simon followed behind her, still convinced that somehow his ballerina would come around. And in the meantime, he'd keep her protected, even if she hated him for it.

Chapter Text

Things were still chilly between Grace and Simon even a few cars after the arcade car. Grace didn't know how or why Simon had started acting so…like that. Maybe he always had been and Grace had simply been too distracted to notice how absolutely paranoid about her safety he could be. Or maybe the unorthodox situation the two had found themselves in was pushing him to the brink. In any case, he didn't seem to understand what he did wrong nor did he seem to have any interest in understanding.

That was fine, Grace didn't have any interest in explaining to him what she thought he should already know. But that did mean that the two of them were currently in an unofficial fight which annoyed her because she really did hate fighting with Simon. They rarely did it before they started dating and in the time they'd been dating excluding this outlier they'd done it even less. And why would they fight? Simon was all Grace had, all she'd ever known for a while. Just like their relationship it was a foregone conclusion to them that they'd make up, so there was no point in fighting each other.

And yet Grace didn't want to kiss and make up at least not yet. Simon was dancing on her last nerve and it wasn't graceful either, more of a rhythmless, cringe-inducing dance. So she didn't let him dote on her like he usually did and made an effort to avoid letting him do anything romantic until he recognized why she was annoyed with him, or more accurately she finally broke, deciding she missed him too much and just forgave him. Grace hated that the most likely conclusion had Simon learning nothing other than that she'd always come back to him.

But she would, wouldn't she? Because they were always going to be together and both of them knew it. Beyond the Apex's mission, beyond the Apex itself, it had always been Grace and Simon and now it was going to be them in a romantic way too. Grace groaned at the knowledge that she had already partially forgiven him, and rolled over on the ground the two were camping out on in this odd, light-up, jungle-themed car. Simon had offered to build a shelter but she had stubbornly ignored him and slept on the ground instead.

Now she was turned on her side, annoyedly thinking about how much she loved Simon and how much she didn't understand him. Then again, maybe it was by design that she didn't understand him. She and Simon had been together for so long, always by each other's side with no issue or thought to it. And then they'd started the Apex and from then up until however long they'd been stranded there had always been something, their recruits, their responsibility, their ideology, keeping them apart.

Even when they'd started dating and as a result spent more time together they'd still had that level of separation. It was more than possible that Simon in that time had become less of who Grace remembered and more of someone unfamiliar. She shot up quickly upon hearing a snore only to look over and see Simon making a level of sound about equivalent to a jet engine and felt a soft smile across her face. Simon was still Simon even when he was annoying her and acting weird, and that fact wouldn't let her stay mad at him.

"Good morning," Grace had said when Simon had finally woken up, as she sat around the campfire cooking some of the odd but hopefully not poisonous fruits she'd found around the car. When the two of them had arrived in the car Grace had effectively given him the silent treatment, and nothing much of note had been observed about the area as a result. Simon smiled at her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Good morning ballerina," Simon said and Grace was once again reminded that she loved Simon even when she didn't want to. Simon took some of the roasted fruit she'd cooked and tried to hide his grimace at how bad it tasted which she appreciated. "Glad to see you've come to your senses," he mentioned after choking down the food, and Grace elected to ignore that comment lest she get mad at him and his dismissive attitude all over again. At that moment, a roar of epic proportions ripped through the forest and froze both of them in place.

"What was that?" Grace asked even though she knew that Simon would not have an answer any better than the one she had. Still, Simon didn't hesitate to respond to her if for no reason other than the fact that he loved her and wanted to give her a form of comfort in not letting her question go unanswered.

"Something big, and it's dangerous," Simon said seriously and he hoped that he came off more like a cool and serious general than as an embarrassing dork who stated the obvious. Grace didn't giggle at him so he hoped it was the former rather than the latter. Simon knew Grace had been resisting his protection since the…incident in the arcade car, but that was in the past. In the here and now it was his time to redeem himself. He'd protect Grace from this null and show her in one fell swoop why she needed his protection and how good he was at offering it.

"Well if it's that big it's not like we can take it on head-on," she responded and this was Simon's opening as he had a plan, and it all came down to what it said in the Apex rule book. Grace had asked him what the point of the rulebook was when the Apex was founded on anarchy and Simon had known it was for cases like this. The truth was he never wanted the Apex to be founded on anarchy, he'd wanted it founded on the principles that he believed in. Unfortunately, that wasn't something he was allowed, that level of control.

But he could be here, he could take control of this situation, protect his Grace, his ballerina, his world. And he'd show her why exactly that was necessary. He started drawing up plans quickly as he illustrated exactly what he thought was going to be needed for their continued safety. Grace watched him closely and Simon was made very aware that he was in charge of this situation, and that she was counting on him. It gave him a bit of a rush knowing that it was the case and he wouldn't disappoint.

"Well, with a null that big we can't attack it, so we'll have to capture it," he explained and when she looked at him as if to say "How?" he smiled because it was exactly what he'd been hoping for. "With a roar like that we're definitely dealing with a bloodthirsty predator, so we'll have to find some good bait, and then boom, spring a trap," he said and Grace seemed to nod. The two of them got to work fashioning a working trap, binding together bark and leaves in a configuration that Simon had designed himself.

They were working together again and it was like the previous car had never happened like he was able to take care of Grace like he always wanted to. He could do what he knew was necessary, and finally, have the control that he knew was needed to keep his ballerina safe. He looked at the work that they'd done and felt comfortable saying it was foolproof. The null would attack the bait they'd left out, be captured, and Grace and Simon would be able to do what they pleased, and find the exit.

"Good work Simon," Grace said, seemingly pleased at the work they'd done, and Simon felt a blushing cross his face all the way up to his ears as Grace ruffled his hair in that absolutely gentle and loving way she sometimes did. He felt proud of himself and more importantly, he felt right. To Simon, there was very little that was worse than feeling like he was wrong, and had no option other than to admit defeat.

"Now all we have to do is wait," Simon responded and Grace seemed to agree as the two of them sat around a campfire that they'd lit. Simon thought about how the two of them had played chubby bunny all those years ago, and for a long time that had been the last time they'd done it. But after their relationship had blossomed they'd made time to do it again, made time for each other again. Maybe, Simon considered, the effect of those good luck charms had been to strand them together, so they could get some alone time as a couple without the rest of the Apex around.

The two heard a sound behind them and for a second time seemed to freeze as they thought about what was coming next, and what they were going to do about it. Still, he put on a face of bravery. Whatever it was had likely triggered their trap, so there was no need to panic; he'd simply apprehend whatever it was and so Grace that she had nothing to worry about as long as he was with her. Simon cautiously approached their trap only to be met with a terrifying realization.

Whatever it was had broken their trap with ease, and it didn't seem like it had gone far in the time since it had done it. Still, he could rationalize this, a null was a null and he was still smarter and more cunning than some mindless predator. First and foremost on his list however was reassuring Grace that everything was going to be alright, and he put on his brave face to tell her this…only to feel the strong, hairy arms of whatever it was grabbing him away like he weighed nothing, ripping him from Grace and towards his doom.

"Simon!" he heard Grace shout from beyond the brush and though he wanted more than anything to speak with her, tell her to leave him and run for her life, he remained silent. Any response to Grace would have only alerted the null of her position and besides, shrouded in complete darkness he couldn't see exactly what had snatched him. He didn't know if there was a way out of this for him yet and he wanted to refrain from telling Grace to abandon him until he was sure that it was over.
It was all for naught, however, as only moments later he heard Grace screaming as she too seemed to be snatched up by whatever creature had taken him. His heart shattered into a million pieces as it sunk in for Simon that he'd failed, that whatever it was that was dooming him was going to get Grace, his beloved ballerina. It seemed too unfitting a death for someone as ethereal as her, surely she'd deserve something more dignified. The only comfort he could take was in the fact that at least this would end with them together.

"Foolish intruders, quiver before the mighty Tuba!" a small, childlike voice stated. That certainly threw Grace off quite a bit, but before she could even switch her emotion from abject terror to confusion it quickly changed for her to laughter as a large furry hand began tickling her. She wondered for a second if Simon had somehow pulled off the most amazing prank ever but looking next to her he was also in the throes of laughter thanks to what she assumed was the second hand of one null.

"What is happening?" Simon asked in gasping breaths in between laughs and Grace was inclined to ask the same question. She forced her eyes open and the tickling finally stopped as she was able to get her bearings. What she saw was not at all what she expected. There was a large, dangerous-looking purple null, but clinging onto her was a passenger, a small brown-skinned girl who was currently having a laughing fit of her own, though not due to being tickled.

"Oh wow, we got you both so good! You were so scared that Tuba was going to hurt you!" the girl said as she wiped her tears. It quickly became clear to Grace what she was looking at, a new, young passenger that had become bonded to a null. Grace had seen the same scenario a million times, and when the passenger seemed as bonded as this one did, she knew immediate separation was crucial. She felt her heart soften for this poor girl, who'd no doubt been fed a load of One-One propaganda about how nulls were there to help you.

"What's your name?" Grace asked as she climbed up and out of the…nest? That she and Simon had been laying in. Looking over the girl she couldn't have been older than eight, and her clothes looked like she'd dressed herself with nothing but the scraps she'd found around the train, and that just made Grace feel for her even more. The girl gave her a big grin and quickly answered the question.

"I'm Hazel, and this is the great and mighty Tuba," Hazel said, gesturing towards the large purple gorilla who'd been Grace and Simon's assailant, and Simon stood up at about that time, watching the conversation with the same intensity one watches a public argument waiting to see if it escalated. Except Simon, unlike a morbidly curious bystander, wanted a part of any violence that broke out.

"Just Tuba works," the gorilla spoke and Grace had to keep from dropping her jaw, not because talking animals weren't a common feature of the train but because she'd wholeheartedly expected a null with that sort of roar and power to be silent. Still, she concealed it from her face as she continued talking to Hazel.

"Well Hazel, can I see your number?" Grace asked, knowing it was one of the most important things to do when checking a new recruit. She remembered that poor kid with the letterman jacket, Jesse, was his name from her limited memory. He'd run across the Apex just as his number was threatening to drop to zero, and she'd thought she'd be able to save him. Unfortunately, she hadn't found him soon enough to prevent a null from getting its tendrils into him, and he'd been lost. Younger kids were even more dangerous about this sort of thing.

However, when Grace checked the number on Hazel's palm she found a number, but one that wasn't glowing. She was even more taken aback by that than the talking gorilla. That was something she'd seen before, someone with a broken number? Not so much. Still, she tried to conceal her surprise, ushering Simon, who'd mostly been watching from afar, over to examine the situation. He seemed just as shocked as she felt, and Grace did her best to explain the anomaly to Hazel, who didn't seem too concerned.

"We'll have to take you with us back to Apex headquarters as soon as possible," Grace said and it was then that Simon grabbed her arm and pulled her to the side. "What?" she asked and Simon looked at her like she was crazy.

"Grace, you want to take her, will us back to Apex headquarters? That null is too powerful to kill and she wouldn't let Hazel leave even if she wanted to. Let's leave her, it's too dangerous." Simon explained and Grace gave him an annoyed look.

"And leaving her with a broken number and a creepy null isn't dangerous?"Grace asked and Simon sighed into his hands, which covered his face. After his little display, he looked at her seriously.

"I'm not concerned about or responsible for her safety. I am for yours," he explained and Grace looked even more incredulous at his words.

"Really Simon? After all of this you still don't trust me to take care of myself or to do my job as the leader of the Apex?" she asked and Simon looked as frustrated as she did.

"I thought we were past this." was all he had to say in response and Grace only shook her head disappointed, walking back towards the pair. If Simon was going to try and keep her from doing her job then she'd be forced to override him, and if she also cozied up to them just enough to annoy him in the process, it was fair game.

"So did I," she muttered pointedly under her breath as she walked back over to the two of them. "Hazel, Tuba, it's really important we're able to help Hazel fix her number. And until we can, Apex headquarters has a lot of kids I think would be very excited to meet you, Hazel," Grace said, and then she let Hazel do the work of convincing Tuba so she didn't have to. The two began packing and she walked over to Simon who looked shocked and upset. "We'll drive a wedge between the two of them, take out the null when we get back to the Apex, and everything's set," she explained.

"And what are you going to do if that null breaks plan and attacks?" he asked and Grace sighed, before giving him that same soft look she knew was his weakness.

"Then I'll deal with it. And I was hoping that you'd support me and deal with it with me." she urged him and Simon was weak, finally relenting, taking her hand and looking her in the eyes.

"Fine. But if anything goes wrong I want permission to say I told you so," he said and she laughed a bit and nodded. He planted a kiss on her lips and with that their new plan was sealed. Still, the fact that Simon was so willing to disregard her feelings did make one thing clear to Grace: she was going to get her revenge by depriving Simon of her attention. And Hazel would make the perfect person to give it to instead, at least for a while.

Chapter Text

Simon was in his own head but in his defense, he wasn't sure where else he was supposed to be. Grace was pushing him away in favor of the passenger they'd just met and he understood cognitively that it wasn't personal. To recruit someone you had to play nice and make them want to stay, and that had never been something Simon was good at. Sweetening the pot had never been his strong suit, after all, he was much more acquainted with scare tactics for nulls than endearing his allies. It's why he let Grace handle that work.

But despite knowing it wasn't a person he couldn't help the resentment he felt whenever Grace babied their new recruit when she could have been spending time with him. After all, he'd originally thought this detour to be a godsend, allowing them time to just be a couple without the interference of duty. But between Grace's refusal to let him do what he knew was right and protect her and the introduction of more duty in the form of a passenger they were recruiting, it seemed like Simon couldn't catch a break.

Maybe his resentment didn't stem so much from Grace as it did from being idle, Simon had never dealt well with having nothing to do. It's why he occupied his free time making figures and writing stories. Something to keep his hands moving and his mind busy when there was nothing else to do. And when they recruited new people he and Grace had a system, she'd do all of the sweet-talking and he'd take care of any null companions they'd brought along. It worked, it always had.

But with the circumstances combined with the particular null that this passenger had brought along Simon's role had been effectively eliminated, at least for now. And it wasn't like he could write or make figures to pass the time until he could do what he wanted to, so for now all he had was resentment. Resentment against Hazel for bringing along a null he couldn't kill and for taking Grace's time and resentment against Grace for bringing what was essentially work on a trip he'd pegged for bonding time.

A part of him idly wondered if he should just cut out the middleman and resent the null directly but he decided against it. After all, nulls weren't people and weren't worth resenting. No use expending energy over nothing after all. Still, Simon watched Grace and Hazel as she ruffled the girl's hair and filled her in on things like One-One and how bad he was, and how easily the girl took to it. Kids really were little sponges, that was what Simon learned watching the Apex grow, and it was hard for him to be annoyed with the two of them when Grace and Hazel were so cute.

"Grace, can I talk to you about something?" Simon asked as that desire to get and keep her attention swelled inside of him. Grace looked up at him and for a second her attention was his and his alone in a way that he craved. And then she returned her attention back to braiding shells into the girl's hair and responded.

"Just give me a second I'm almost done," and Simon was second fiddle status. He wished they could make it back to the Apex already so that Hazel could assimilate with the rest of the kids, and he wished he could kill that null who watched Grace and Hazel bonding with the same kind of rejected rapt attention that Simon did. The difference of course was that Simon was human dealing with the real probability of not having the attention he wanted from his girlfriend, and the null was…well it was self-explanatory.

"Tuba, Tuba, look what Grace did to my hair!" Hazel said excitedly as she ran over to Tuba to show her the back of her head, which had the symbol of the Apex, that A with a line that Simon had devised all those years ago, braided into it with the shells Grace had found around this car. It was a floating water bubble type of car and it was…well Simon didn't know what to describe it as. He wondered if maybe his pent-up feeling of anger was due to the fact that he hadn't gone on a raid in quite some time. Maybe smashing something up would make him feel better.

"It looks very nice Hazel," Tuba said, giving Hazel a small smile, before looking up at Grace, and asking her a question. It was not lost on Simon that he didn't even get the attention of a null like he was all but dead to the world. "What's the symbol mean?" she asked and there was a layer that Grace was able to detect. On the surface a very typical question but Grace knew better, Tuba was suspicious of the two of them, of their group, and wanted to be absolutely sure that they were safe for Hazel. Grace gave one of her classic smiles as she explained.

"It's the symbol of the Apex, the group with all of the kids we've been teaching Hazel about," Grace explained and Tuba looked at her for a long moment though both her answer and expression betrayed nothing about her thought process and Grace simply moved on. "Simon designed it himself when we were younger," she said gesturing towards him and Simon seemed genuinely surprised she'd addressed him at all. He looked down at his feet and muttered something under his breath that sounded like a confirmation.

"You did? That's so cool!" Hazel said excitedly and Simon seemed to regain a bit of himself. Grace knew that she'd started focusing so heavily on Hazel to be cruel, but she did feel bad about it. After all, she knew that while Simon could deal without the attention he would be hurt by it and she was pretty sure by now he'd learned his lesson about not trusting her. She walked over to him and put an arm around him.

"Simon is the coolest," Grace said happily and she took note of his slight blush at the comment. It was funny, she'd told Simon how much she adored him about a million times before and after they'd started dating, and yet simply telling someone else that he was cool was enough for him to turn into a bit of a mess. She thought about maybe giving Simon a kiss on the cheek to show she was truly done being upset with him when Hazel spoke again.

"Are you two in love?" Hazel asked and now it was Grace's turn to look embarrassed. Of course, she and Simon loved each other and they'd said it often before they'd begun dating but this was different. For one, at that time there had been an understanding that the love was platonic in nature, and since they'd started dating neither had said it. Luckily for Grace who wasn't sure how to answer, Tuba swooped in without any hesitation.

"Hazel, you shouldn't ask people questions like that," she insisted, and Hazel mumbled that she didn't think there was anything wrong with the question as Tuba led her to another part of the car to go look at more sea creatures in their odd water bubbles. That left Grace and Simon alone for the first time since Hazel had joined their party and she turned to Simon interested in what he'd wanted to say.

"What did you want to talk about?" Grace asked and as she studied his face Grace came p with a working theory that he hadn't actually had anything to talk to her about, he just wanted to talk to her and now he was wracking his brain trying to come up with something, anything to fill the space where words should be so that he could justify having called her over.

"Oh I just wanted to tell you that…we've covered about ten cars from our starting point," he said and Grace was now sure that she'd been right. Still, since they were alone she happily gave Simon a gentle peck on the cheek, feeling his stubbled brush against her lips in the way it always did when they kissed, slightly longer thanks to his inability to shave during their journey. Grace had almost forgotten how nice it was to be this close to Simon, and she almost wanted to snuggle her face into the crook of his neck.

"Can we go to the next car?" Hazel asked as she returned and Grace quickly removed herself from Simon, concerning herself again with keeping their new recruit entertained and indoctrinated until she could get her back to the Apex where she belonged. Grace knew it hit Simon hard and she was done ignoring him on purpose, but the reality of the situation was that as long as Tuba was still in the picture Hazel would require more attention than the average recruit to prime her for being a member.

"Yes we can, let's move," Grace said, ever in control and ever in command. Simon couldn't help but let that resentment seep back into him as a moment that could have been a moment of reconciliation where he and Grace admitted their love for each other and desire to put all the silliness of the past few cars behind them was interrupted by her need to dote on Hazel. He squeezed his palms and then took a deep breath, trailing behind the rest of the group. As they entered the next car it was clear it might be a problem.

While the last few cars after the additions to their group had been mostly walk-throughs with minimal null interference this car was absolutely crawling with them, moving around and chatting to each other in the gilded car, dressed in their evening best. They made a mockery of what the train stood for and Simon felt that desire to smash things up fill him as he finally had a target to direct all of his frustration out on. Suddenly he had a way to show Grace, and even Hazel, why he was the protector of the group.

"Oh this will not do, we'll have to get you ready at once," a null said as it glided over and grabbed at Grace to take her measurements. Simon immediately pushed it out of the way as anger filled him, watching a null think it had any right to approach Grace like they were equals. "Why I never," the null said shocked as it stood back up, its chandelier-like limbs brushing itself off. However, before anything else could be done it corralled the group into a room at the top of the stairs, shouting something about practicing their moves.

"Alright, if we peel away the layers we might be able to get through the ducts and climb back down to find the exit-" Simon started and Grace nodded along, seemingly in agreement with the plan. Suddenly Tuba spoke up.

"I think Hazel would like to learn the dance," she explained and both Grace and Simon looked at her as if she was a nuisance, Grace being the only one who bothered to respond.

"What dance?" she questioned and Hazel looked at her surprised as if knowing about the dance was something obvious that they missed.

"We need to learn a dance for the party! It's what the man said before Simon pushed him over," Hazel explained, that wide-eyed innocence she still held onto practically flowing out of her every word. Grace looked surprised but it was Simon who spoke up, deciding to shut Hazel down before she could go on thinking that was going to happen any longer.

"We don't do that. We never follow what nu-" Simon started to say before Grace tugged at his arm, pulling him to the side before he could finish what he was going to say.

"Listen, Simon, I know it's outside of what we usually do but…I think maybe for the sake of keeping things from escalating we should learn the dance," she explained and Simon's face curled into a scowl at the idea that Grace was spouting.

"Grace, you can't be seriously advocating that we listen to what nulls are telling us to do? What sort of lesson is that teaching Hazel as a new recruit, especially if we're going to kill-" Simon said and Grace gave him a look like she was begging him. It was a begging that only upset Simon further. "Fine, you want to play pretend have a good time but I'm going to find an exit!" Simon shouted and with that, he proceeded to start climbing until he pried open a vent shaft. Grace looked at Tuba and Hazel who looked at her confused.

"I'm going to go talk to him," Grace said and Hazel looked sad as if she was looking forward to Grace learning the dance with her. "Don't worry, I'll be right back," she assured the girl, and with that Hazel directed her attention to trying to learn the moves along with Tuba. Grace wiggled her way into the vent shaft and crawled quickly through until she caught up with Simon who was trying to pry open what he thought was an escape.

"Change your mind already?" Simon muttered annoyed, his attention still on trying to get open the end of the vent, and Grace put her hand on his shoulder, forcing him to turn around and look at her. "What?" he asked and Grace's face fell a bit before she took a deep breath and began.

"I'm sorry. I know since Hazel has been traveling with us I've been focused on her but…you know you're like, the most important person to me ever, right Simon?" she asked and it seemed that the remainder of his status in her life was the thing that softened him up because his previously stern expression disappeared in favor of a more loving one.

"Yeah, I do know that. You're the most important person to me too Grace," Simon said and even though it was dusty and already crowded in the vent shaft Grace put her hand on Simon's shoulder and moved closer, letting them have a real kiss for the first time in a while. Grace had missed it, the closeness and the taste of mint gum on Simon's breath, his unkempt stubble and slightly chapped lips pressed against hers. Simon was overwhelmed with how much he loved being this close to Grace, how soft she felt and the taste of raspberry lip gloss she wore.

"I know it's a lot, but when you care about someone, you care about the people they care about. Simon, I care about Hazel and making sure we're able to recruit her so…could you try and play nice with her? For me?" Grace asked and Simon looked away, still reeling from their kiss but nodded anyway.

"Yeah…you're right. Let's go indulge this kid," Simon said but there was a playfulness in it that didn't hide any resentment, simply an understanding and desire to do right by who Grace wanted him to do right by. The two of them crawled back out of the cramped vent shaft to find Hazel and Tuba dancing together and Simon focused on Hazel, how sweet she was and how fast she picked up on things. She'd make a good member of the group with some molding, and he'd be willing to provide it now that he didn't feel like he was competing with her.

"May I have this dance?" Grace asked, her feet planted at the starting point of the moves and Simon took her outstretched hand, pulling her closer to him than the moves strictly required but then again how was he supposed to help himself? She was the love of his life, and here the two of them were together, dancing and enjoying each other in a way that was intimate without being secretive. The null who'd put them into the room came back to tell them it was time to get ready and pulled Simon into a separate room to get ready.

"At the risk of coming on too strong, can I give you some advice?" Tuba said as Grace was about to walk out of the room to join Simon on the balcony before they performed their dance and Grace was surprised, Tuba barely said anything and now she was giving one of her few moments of speaking to Grace. This had to be good. "Simon seems a bit…animated when he doesn't get his way. People like that can end up being more than you bargained for," she said and Grace held back the urge to roll her eyes instead of nodding and walking forward.

What that was even supposed to mean Grace had no clue, but she joined Simon on the balcony with Hazel and Tuba right behind them as they were announced. Tuba and Hazel danced together happily and Grace and Simon flowed through the room, their movements in sync and loose like water slipping through a sieve. It felt right and despite the eyes, Grace did press her face to Simon's chest as she often wanted to. Once they were finished Grace supposed that a reward was in order.

"Hazel, for your ingenious idea to practice the dance, we give you the mark of the Apex," Grace said as she drew the symbol across her face, and the way that Hazel lit up reminded Grace of those early days when they'd only had a few kids and things that now seemed small had been so big. Grace looked at Simon who gave Hazel's hair a ruffle and she was sure that everything was going to be okay. She watched as the two of them walked ahead, Simon in his own awkward way trying to give Hazel a chance.

And then she looked over at Tuba who had been watching Hazel, someone who she'd been holding onto until Grace and Simon had found her, growing closer and closer as she fell away from her. It almost made Grace sad, though she didn't understand why. She thought about Tuba's words to her and wondered what she'd meant by them and why they'd seemed so resonant. She felt something for Tuba when she looked into Tuba's eyes and it scared her. She seemed almost human and Grace clutched her arm because she wasn't supposed to think that.

Chapter Text

When you were as far from your destination as Grace and Simon were from the rest of the Apex you started to notice little things you maybe wouldn't have picked up on otherwise. Most of a road trip was just driving and most of this trip was just walking. Walking between cars and walking through cars, and maybe it would have been boring. But Grace had found a way to keep busy and that way was Hazel. Grace had become quite attached to her, and she wasn't quite sure why that was the case.

Maybe it was just because Grace saw something in Hazel, something she supposed she saw in all of the kids but never had the time to nurture anymore. Hazel was something she used to have years ago, something she'd lost, even if she didn't realize it. She wanted to take care of her and protect her, but Grace knew she already had a guardian and she saw the pain in her eyes whenever Hazel went to Grace over her. It was a pain that broke Grace's heart and she couldn't reconcile it because nulls weren't supposed to feel pain.

And any supposed pain that they felt wasn't supposed to affect her. She didn't understand it, and she could feel something changing inside of her as a result. And yet she didn't want to think about it, she wanted to keep being distracted from this long road ahead or from whatever path forward that she was being led towards. And so Grace ignored the feeling in her stomach, the way that things felt they were changing too quickly and at the same time not fast enough. There was a shiver that went up Grace's spine.

Suddenly Hazel seemed to get an idea as she ran up ahead, grabbing a snowball and throwing it. Suddenly Grace felt awakened and alive as if she was snapped out of some trance. A snowball fight was exactly what they needed as she decided that she and Hazel would be fighting together, as the two girls flung snowballs across the way at Tuba and Hazel. Simon looked frustrated for a second before calling a timeout, something which no one seemed to realize was allowed.

"Hazel, let's switch sides," he said seriously, Hazel looked surprised but nodded and walked over to Tuba's side as Simon approached Grace and parked himself next to her. Grace looked annoyed and Simon seemed oblivious. She didn't want to be the one to snap him back to reality but so often it fell onto her and it didn't seem like that would be changing any time soon.

"Simon, what is your problem?" she asked and Simon looked at her as if she wasn't making sense.

"I'm making sure that you're alright. And besides, I don't want to have to fight against you, ever," Simon said and with that comment, he held Grace's gloved hand in his own, a look of earnestness on his face that almost made Grace want to drop the entire issue before remembering that if she decided to forgive him this time like she did last time and all the times before that it would only continue and he would only get bolder.

"Simon, it's a snowball fight, I don't need you to check on me. " she insisted and he looked again frustrated with her like she was missing the most obvious thing ever like she was throwing herself into the clutches of danger and only Simon, her knight in shining armor could possibly protect her. It annoyed her that he saw her like this, like something fragile in need of protection and too incompetent to do it herself. As if they hadn't done everything they'd done together. "Plus you left Hazel alone with that null."

"You don't know what you need. What if that null gets wise to use and tries to off you with a snowball?" he asked and Grace rolled her eyes because Simon would always do this, always preferring to come up with some fanciful reality that let him shirk responsibility instead of simply admitting he was wrong. It was like admitting he was wrong destroyed him in a way he couldn't come back from and he was fighting and clawing to save his own life whenever he ran away from that responsibility. "And besides, like I said Hazel's not my responsibility, you are," he added

"...let's just do this snowball fight," Grace said and Simon couldn't pick out what exactly she was trying to say, what she was trying to tell him other than that she was guarding it heavily. She was pulling back from him and Simon's natural reaction to that was always to pull her back in, even if that made him the bad guy. Simon accepted that now wasn't the time however and he got started on making and throwing the snowballs across the battlefield. He noticed that Grace's balls seemed to fall apart before they could be thrown but he focused his attention on the fight.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Grace start to remove her glove and he was confused by this for a brief moment, almost starting to fret over the threat of her getting hypothermia only to realize she was doing it to use her natural body heat in order to bind the snowballs together more effectively. Even after she did this he didn't see her throwing any snowballs, but that just reminded Simon why his role was so important. If she got distracted in the heat of battle he was there, protecting her life at all costs from every possible threat.

Grace felt a pit form in her stomach when she looked at her number, trying to examine it and determine if she was imagining things or if her worst fear had really come true. It seemed to her like there was no denying what she saw on her own skin, her number had fallen several digits. Grace thought she might vomit as she scrambled to put the glove back on as quickly as she could and prepared to use worry about hypothermia to shut down the game, though a chill went down her spine at the idea of ruining everyone's fun.

"Achoo!" Hazel sneezed and that was the moment Grace realized that chill wasn't in her imagination and things had gotten significantly colder. Looking at the sky the snow was coming down harder and everyone seemed to grab their arms trying to retain heat. Hazel seemed to have it the worst, lacking shoes or any fur. Tuba noticed her and scooped the girl up in her arms, putting her on her back. Simon looked at Grace with concern, and Grace rushed ahead before Simon did something stupid like offering to carry her.

The four of them pressed forward though the cold made Grace's worries over Hazel grow even deeper as she realized the poor girl likely wouldn't survive in this weather for an extended period of time, especially compared to Grace and Simon who had years of experience traversing inhospitable cars. She wondered as she looked at Hazel's shivering form on Tuba's back if this was how Simon saw her. Inexperienced and in danger at all times, in need of a protection only he could provide. Grace decided she wasn't ready to tell Simon about her number.

She wasn't sure what could have made it drop, but she knew that outside of what was happening with Simon she had felt…good, this past while. Tuba was a figure who confused and frustrated and at times scared her because she felt an attachment to her she knew she wasn't supposed to and Hazel was someone she wanted to take care of despite the fact that Simon insisted that Grace was. What did he even mean when he said stuff like that, that Grace was his responsibility?

Grace wondered when this had started and she was afraid of it, afraid of what he'd think his responsibility to her would be after her number fell. She remembered in those very first few days after Simon and she had decided to be together romantically they'd been kissing each other, and Grace's arm had been draped casually on Simon's arm as she did so, humming into the kiss and enjoying the moment, those rare moments in the Apex when the kids were tired out and they were finally alone. Simon had been the one to break the kiss and it was out of the ordinary.

"God, you're so beautiful." Simon had said and Grace had blushed and though it hadn't been visible on her dark skin the way her face heated up and her eyes averted his gaze made it obvious. She usually revealed in compliments but in this context, with Simon when they'd just been kissing…the entire thing felt different and it was a good type of different, but one that had surprised her.

"You're beautiful too," Grace had muttered and even though Simon had always been a dork, what she was saying was far from a lie. He was beautiful in his own way and it was a beauty that she saw so clearly when they were together, when he was being all cute and dramatic in that way he insisted that he wasn't.

"No Grace you're like…" he trailed off for a bit before removing her arm from his shoulder just to look at it. The green shadow it cast on his face as he stared at it wide-eyed and transfixed maybe would have looked off-putting to anyone else but to Grace, it was supremely romantic. "Your number is so beautiful," he muttered and Simon traced his fingers over the numbers on her skin, each of them touched by the green glow, and Grace had to remain composed instead of kissing him again or laughing because it tickled.

Grace didn't mean to walk so far and fast away from Simon but she knew how much numbers meant to Simon and how much they were supposed to mean to her. How much Simon loved looking at her number, and how much it inspired the kids and him. And now it was falling and the worst thing of all was that she didn't mind it like she was supposed to. She should be scrambling for solutions and begging Simon to help her because a number reaching zero meant death. But instead, she was hiding it like a guilty child.

Eventually, the group reached shelter in the form of a lit-up cabin, a beacon of warmth and safety in the middle of nowhere like a god-sent savior. The four of them tumbled inside and Hazel immediately scrambled over to the fireplace to warm herself up, something Grace was thankful for. She started to wander off to look through the cabin only to see someone she wasn't expecting in the slightest. A sleek, white, annoyed-looking cat stood in front of her, and Grace half expected her to start hissing.

"Cat, what are you doing here?" she questioned annoyed and the Cat seemed to roll her eyes the best she could given the circumstances. Grace knew that she would and she delighted in pissing off the little hairball, especially considering what she'd done to Simon. She knew Simon considered it the biggest betrayal of his life, likely why he considered betraying the Apex to be the worst possible offense one could commit according to the handbook he'd written.

"I was trying to take a vacation. Though I suppose you can stay here until the storm clears," she said, before turning her attention to Simon, who was in the corner doing his best to avoid the entire situation and pretend he was somewhere else. He didn't want to be here with Samantha, trapped in this tiny environment with the person who'd betrayed him worse than anyone else on the train, or off of it for that matter.

"I'm going to find rations," Simon said as an excuse to walk off. He was hoping Grace would notice his discomfort and let Samantha know they weren't taking her up on her offer because they'd rather trek through the snow than stay here with her, accepting her fake hospitality. Instead, Grace, seemingly in her own little world, went to make some tea with Hazel, and Simon felt sick to his stomach. She was pulling away from him again but he couldn't bring himself to pull her back, not while he was here with the Cat.

He braced himself for pain and decided to wander off when it became clear that no one was worried about him, and no one was coming to check on him. A part of him wanted to rage, wanted to yell at Grace that he was suffering and demand she acknowledges it. The other part of him knew she would only pull further away and that it would do no good. He wanted them to stay together and for Grace to love him the way he loved her. Simon wandered into a room he knew he shouldn't have and caught sight of it.

A ghom, larger than life and terrifying with its leathery cockroach-like skin and feelers. He stumbled onto his back thinking only how he couldn't die to it and leave Grace a sitting duck only to survive. As he stood he realized it was just a shockingly realistic statue, and breathed a sigh of relief only to realize where he was. The den of Samantha's collections, piles of junk stacked wall to wall. He picked something small off the floor only to drop it like it burned him. One of the first figures he'd ever carved.

That was his tipping point, the moment that he decided he was done playing whatever game that this was as he walked out into the room where everyone was together, and he almost blew up watching Hazel talk to Samantha, being taken in by her like he once was. But he reminded himself of his mantra, Hazel was a recruit but his responsibility was to Grace, his girl, his ballerina and she was doing what he said he was going to do and going through rations. He took a deep breath and beckoned her over which seemed to snap her from a trance.

"Can I talk to you?" Simon questioned and Grace looked nervous for a moment as if she was afraid to be caught off guard and Simon was reminded that she needed to be protected by him, lest being caught off guard be her downfall.

"So, what's this about?" Grace asked, rubbing her arm nervously, trying to hold back her fear that she'd been discovered, that Simon had somehow peaked into her mind and now knew that she had a falling number and she didn't mind that fact. Simon sat down on a stair and Grace followed suit.

"I've just…you know what the Cat did to me. And being here with her its just…it feels like experiencing it over and over. So watching you pull away from me while all of that's happening…it feels isolating Grace. And I hate it because I love you, and I want to tell you everything." Simon explained and Grace softened immensely all of the fears she had about Simon's possible reaction melted away. Everything would be fine because Simon loved her and she loved him.

"Simon I'm so sorry, you've been dealing with all of this, and I haven't been the most present," she said and Simon looked at her with concern, as if he knew her lack of presence came from something deeper. She gave him a kiss on the nose and then slowly removed her glove. "My number has been lowering Simon and I…I don't know how to feel." Grace explained and Simon looked shocked, gently touching her arm and tracing where numbers used to be and no longer were.

"Oh ballerina…don't worry, I'll fix this." Simon swore and Grace wrinkled her nose at him, because while it was better than the reaction she was expecting she still didn't care for the implication that he was out to "fix" her even after she'd said she was currently conflicted about what to do next.

"Simon, you're not listening. I don't know how I feel about it. I'm conflicted." she said and Simon wrinkled his nose at her in confusion or maybe annoyance because on him those emotions looked very similar.

"What's there to be conflicted about? If your number hits zero you're gone Grace- don't tell me Samantha's been feeding you null propaganda," he said, upset as he started to get up from the steps to confront her and escalate the situation and suddenly Grace felt conflicted on a different level. She knew Simon was only trying to help, that he only wanted to keep her safe and it was her questioning that was making things difficult. She just had to swallow whatever it was that was making her feel weird and accept that love.

"No it wasn't the Cat I was just…it's nothing to worry about. Thank you, Simon, let's get through this together," Grace said as she slipped her glove back on, holding his arm and making him sit back down so she could give him a kiss. Something was definitely wrong and it would probably only get worse as Grace fought her utter indifference to her number falling, and Simon fought for her attention, and to keep her safe. But at this moment Grace's lips were against Simon's and she gently stroked his hair, inhaled his cologne, and for a brief moment, everything was fine.

Chapter Text

Grace was trying not to think about her number and how Simon's reaction to the news had made her feel. She found it was easier than expected when she couldn't see it, when she ignored the fact that this journey had a destination. She wanted to return to the Apex of course, make sure the kids were okay and that nothing had gone too wrong in their absence. She wouldn't leave them behind for the world. But on a deeper, more primal level, if she could avoid returning to the Apex she could avoid facing reality.

Currently, the group was crossing a bridge after an absolutely boring series of walk-throughs. Simon, who was no doubt geting ansty with it having been so long between raids had suggested to Grace they do an impromptu one and deal whatever damage they could but she'd rejected it. After all, Tuba was still with them and more likely than not doing that would make them a bad influence for Hazel in Tuba's eyes, which meant losing what they'd worked for. So Simon distracted himsel by teaching Hazel a song as they crossed the bridge.

Hazel was a breath of fresh air because she hadn't been primed for all of the harsh realities of the train and it was Grace and Simon's job to prime her, to take away the innocence and happiness she felt now, the things that made Grace care for her so deeply. And once they did Hazel would be just another recruit like any other, fall in line and blend into the background. It would be good for her, at least in Simon's opinion. Far better for her than being a surrogate child to a dangerous null ever would be.

In truth though Simon had spent much of this trip resenting her for hoarding Grace's affection he didn't hate the little girl, he pitied her. And even deeper than that he pitied her in the same way he pitied the young version of himself in his mind, blind and naive. He'd had the cold reality of what nulls were capable of and how little they felt slap him in the face without any warning. That moment had changed something in him, and it was for the better no doubt but it had still hurt. But now the Apex existed and Simon could help this girl who was like he had been.

He could teach her the lesson in a safe environment, make sure that she had people to guide her right after and teach her why it'd been necessary. Hazel was young but he saw a good solider in her just waiting to be molded. Simon's tolerance for children's nonsense was usually quite low but he didn't mind it as much with her. And on rare occasions she'd say something with a striking profoundness to it and Simon would tell her he'd have to put that in his book and she seemed happy because of it.

Of course, his desire to bond a bit with the girl wasn't altruistic, or at least not purely. He saw the way Grace smiled at him when he was nice to her, and he understood. Grace wanted him to be bond with her and was pleased when he did, and at this point he'd do anything to please Grace. He felt so deeply he didn't understand her since their conversation in the Cat's car and he wanted to because he loved her. Despite this, he simply couldn't talk to her about what she was feeling, he couldn't bear to listen to her reasoning.

The way Simon saw it, Grace's number going down was a slow acting tumor, and Simon wanted to operate and cut it off at the root to prevent it from spreading. And Grace was a pateint who wanted to wait and see. It was baffling to him that she'd arrived to him with a problem and then rejected not just his solution but any solution at all. He wanted to keep her safe and Grace knew that, she had to know that. So why then did she pull away from him, from what they'd built together for all of these years.

Simon couldn't help the fear that bubbled inside of him, the one that said that Grace was going to leave him and this was the prelude. Grace couldn't actually believe that getting her number to go down was a thing that was good or even possibly good. No she was using this to drive them apart, and then she was going to leave him, take everything and abandon him far away from the only person he'd ever loved. Simon took deep breaths and tried to focus himself. Grace wasn't going to leave him, and he'd prove to her why she needed him.

Grace was happy watching Simon teach Hazel to 1001 gallons of milk on the wall, something which he'd alleged he sang at a summer camp he was at before the train. Grace didn't quite believe it, mostly because imagining Simon, her Simon pasty as he was having summer fun didn't add up at all. More specifically however she considered the few bits and pieces she knew about Simon's life before the train and she couldn't imagine he'd ever actually been to summer camp. He probably saw it on Tv and lied about it because he was embarrassed.

They did that a lot with each other back in those days, lie to save face and to avoid the other knowing the truth, that they had both been sad and sheltered and alone. But in another way they'd also been more honest in those days, before their personas were fully crafted and when their minds were less developed then they'd become later on. When they said and did things, even when they lied there was a layer of real honesty to every action. Now, even when Grace had told Simon the truth about her number she felt like she was lying.

She hadn't want to think about her number but now it was dancing across her mind and she couldn't help but be reminded of what had happened which led her to believing a bigger number was better. Part of it was that same fear of Simon knowing her, knowing she didn't know but the other was the thing that she clung onto, the thing that convinced her. The true conductor, the most powerful person she'd ever seen, he had a number that stretched the length of his entire arm and maybe higher and it was incredible.

A person like that had to be a model, a blueprint for passengers to follow in the footsteps of. A larger number was better, and that much was clear. And how could a larger number be worse when getting tha number higher was fun, when it made you feel good. What made you feel good was good, undeniably so. And that was how Grace knew she'd been right all those years ago, how she knew she was wrong now. But was she? Right now her number growing only felt worse, and letting it fall felt better and she didn't know anything any longer.

"Woah!" Hazel exclaimed as they entered the next car and the group was greeted with an amusement park of epic proportions. Nothing like the flat rides and money eating games of the cats cheap carnival this was a real and true blood pumping experince. Grace looked at Simon and Simon started scouting for a twist because there was always a twist with these types of things.

"Simon's going to go scout out the car and make sure its safe for us, typical Apex procedure," Grace informed Tuba and Hazel as they looked curious as Simon, like a solider on a mission went and searched around the car with the sort of intensity that you'd usually see reserved for a war. Tuba, who'd clearly been growing weary of the two of them and their sometimes secretive whispered conversations, like in the previous car about whether or not to raid, asked a question.

"And why is that? Do you run into dangerous cars often?" she asked, trying to find something, anything to prove her suspicions that this group, the two of them, were dangerous correct. Grace didn't give her the satisfaction in the slightest.

"Not usually no, but you know when there's a bunch of kids around you can never be too careful. You must know how it is, don't you?" Grace asked, vaguely gesturing to Hazel and she ignored the fact that she'd, even accidentally, acknowledged that Tuba was Hazel's guardian and that she cared for her. She wondered if Simon would have caught that, had he been with them and a part of her wished he was still around.

"Yeah…" Tuba said trailing off and if Grace didn't know any better she'd wonder if there was something deeper there, if maybe Tuba knew more about the subject of wanting to keep kids, your kids, safe than Grace had initially assumed. If she did she didn't seem to want to elaborate and the moment passed as Simon returned from his scouting.

"Car’s clear except for these," Simon said quietly to Grace, pointing to a corner where some singing rats dressed in the gear of a barber shop quartet seemed to be the operators of the rides were working, while singing a song about all of the fun people would have. To say Grace was annoyed with the display was an understatement. "I think to get the exit we'd have to ride everything in the park…unless you want to-" Simon started, and seemingly sensing he wasn't going down the right path he cut himself off. "We'll cover more ground if we split up."

"I want to ride the teacups!" Hazel announced before grabbing Tuba and pulling her towards them, leaving Grace and Simon alone, both of them utterly terrified that them being alone was going to lead inevitably to a fight, or a disagreement, or something that pulled them farther apart from one another. Instead, Simon did something Grace wasn't expecting at all, taking her hand in his own and giving her an earnest soft look that indicated he was making an actual effort.

"If those nulls sing one more note about this being the best place on earth I'm throwing them onto the tracks," he said and the contrast of the romantic way he'd taken her hand and looked into her eyes, paired with the objectively funny deadpan way he'd phrased his statement made Grace brust into laughter that she could barely control. Simon wore a proud look on his face paired with a light blush Grace felt happy to inspire. "Your laugh is so beautiful, you know that?" Simon asked and Grace finally got her laughter under control.

"Just kiss me you big dork," she said and with Hazel squarely distracted with spinning herself and a nauseous looking Tuba around in the teacups Simon obliged her, wrapping his hands around her waist in a kiss that was more akin to the little makeouts they sometimes had in their rooms then the chaste pecks they'd done recently. Grace couldn't say she minded as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and leaned into it, being glad she'd remembered to apply some extra raspberry lipgloss to herself before entering the car.

"Alright, where should we go first?" Simon asked as they two finally broke the kiss, only after noticing the rats seranding was getting louder and considering the possibility that they were going to come over and watch which made him want to throw up in his mouth.

"Well…" Grace said with a sly look on her face, pushing her locs to the side of her face before pointing at the gaudily decorated Tunnel Of Love, complete with the swan shaped boats and heart shaped entrance. Any hope Simon had of it being a genuine romantic selection was destroyed when he noticed that the nulls were in fact singing outside of it, this time a song about young love and old love. Simon grumbled that he hated rats as Grace laughed and grabbed his hand, forcing him to come along.

The two were seated in the swan boat, the water having that distinct amusement park smell to it as they traversed many scenes of love on the water, most featuring singing talking animals, and others featuring creepy looking mannequins decorated to look like people, clearly done by paws rather than hands. Grace shuddered a bit looking at it but she leaned closer against Simon as a result, which both of them considered a win. Grace reached into her fanny pack to grab a mirror to check that her face still looked good, only to open it too quickly and drop something into the water.

"The ballerina figure!" Grace exclaimed as she realized it had fallen into the murky amusement park water and the boat was quickly drifting away from it. Her good luck charm, the gift Simon had given her and then thing she'd clung to was now sinking to the bottom of the dyed pink water of the terrible amusement park ride. Simon didn't say a word, only looked seriously at the sitauon, shifted a bit, and the jumped out of the boat into the water. "Simon!" Grace exclaimed even louder than she had originally.

Grace had been given swimming lessons as a child and was quite the strong swimmer, but she had no idea about Simon. Moreover, neither of them knew how deep the water was and considering the quality of this ride Grace couldn't imagine the chemicals in it were any good for humans. She watched with baited breath as Simon thrashed around a bit before coming up from the water, the ballerina figure in hand. Grace remembered then that she and Simon were in love, and that they always would be. The devotion he displayed melted her heart.

"I rescued it for you," Simon said as he climbed, now soaking wet and slightly pink, into the boat and handed it to her. Grace knew it was wood and worried it would be warped but before she could voice her concerns Simon put them to rest. "Don't worry, I used water proof paint so she'll be fine." he explained and Grace felt so overcome by his act that she cuddled close to him even though he was wet and it would make her wet as well. Once they disembarked the boat they reunited with Tuba and Hazel who were standing where they'd entered.

"Tuba threw up all over the ride," Hazel said matter of factly as soon as they were together and Tuba took a deep sigh.

"Remember when I said we don't need to share everything that happens?" She asked and the comment seemed lost on Hazel who was now fascinated by Grace and Simon, or more specifically the state they were in.

"You two got all wet! You know, you're supposed to stay inside the boat," she informed them and Simon explained there was an emergency and that he'd have to, before walking to find the men's bathroom so he could put himself underneath the hand dryer. Tuba made a comment about apologizing to the rodent workers at the park and excused herself to do just that, leaving Hazel and Grace alone together.

"I know you and Simon kiss each other," Hazel said in a hushed whisper after looking around as if she was about to spill a huge secret. Grace and Simon tended to keep their relationship from being too on display in front of the kids and recruits considering they both knew that at their age they had a huge aversion to anything romantic, but considering Hazel had been the one to bring it up she didn't feel the need to deny things.

"Yeah, sometimes. We're dating each other," Grace said as she wondered if Hazel even knew what that meant. It seemed she did or at least understood enough not to ask because her next question seemed to build off of that premise.

"Why are you together?" she asked and Grace could have given her a million answers. Grace and Simon loved each other, and just today Simon had showed how much he was devoted to her. They laughed together, they fought together, and it was always amazing to have someone by your side who you knew you could count on. But then Grace remembered all of the times Simon was controlling, the times he ignored her feelings, the times he insisted he was in charge of her like a child and a sour taste was left in her mouth and before she could say anything the words slipped out of her mouth.

"Because we've always been together." Grace said and Hazel seemed to accept this without much question as she reunited with Tina who'd seemingly returned from profusely apologizing, and Simon returned, more damp than soaking wet which was certainly an improvement. But Grace couldn't stop thinking about the answer she'd given because it was true and she hated it, they'd always been together and they'd always be together and they both knew that. So they had a relationship and it was good mostly. But sometimes, the times that made Grace's teeth clench and her soul ache it felt like autopilot, and she couldn't help herself from wondering if it was supposed to.

Chapter Text

Things were going great in Simon's opinion, and while there had been a while where Simon had craved an immediate return to the normalcy of the Apex now he was reveling in the freedom of this little excursion and what it meant for his relationship. Previously he and Grace had been in their comfort zones without any real worries of tests or threats to their relationship and it had been good. But if they'd stayed like that they might have fallen apart at the first threat to their relationship.

But not anymore, now Grace and Simon had both faced the first challenges in their relationship and in Simon's opinion, they'd passed with flying colors. Now things would be even stronger when they returned to the Apex, they'd be a better couple and better leaders, especially important when they were bringing a new member of their brood back with them to the Apex. As the group walked through a car themed after a haunted beach Grace started doing some of her ballet moves and Simon watched just as transfixed as he'd been the first time he saw it.

She spun gracefully and they looked at Simon, giving him a wink before bending herself backward, allowing him to catch her in his arms as she kept her toes still perfectly pointed. Simon blushed hard and he tried to ignore Hazel's giggling in the background as she watched their display of affection through the guise of dance. Grace and Simon had always been in sync and utterly aware of how to mirror each other, and so doing it in this way was always natural to them, always fun for them.

"Wow, I wish I could dance like that," Hazel said in awe once the two were done and Simon thought it was silly that he'd ever resented the girl who taking Grace's attention. Grace was his ballerina, and the fear that her affection for a small child could get in the way of that was wholly unfounded. Besides, letting go of that fear and letting himself actually see Hazel for what she was had some of that affection rubbing off on him. She was kind of a weird kid but Simon had been one too, though in a different way. He felt she was maybe a kindred spirit.

"When we get back to the Apex I'll teach you all of my moves," Grace promised and Hazel shook her head at this, seemingly resigned to not knowing, a reaction that she explained with her next sentence.

"No thanks, I've got two left feet," Hazel said and that was one of the things that illustrated exactly what Simon was growing fond of her. There was no reason for her to be using such a corny phrase at six years old, and Simon wasn't convinced she even knew her left from her right, but she said it anyway and it felt natural coming from her. He ruffled her hair and felt good that she seemed to be relying less on Tuba. It would make killing her a lot easier the less attached to her Hazel was.

Speaking of killing her it had been on Simon's mind quite a bit considering that their return to the Apex grew more and more imminent every day. Of course, he knew Grace had her own plan of how they'd kill Tuba, mostly involving trapping her once they had the entire Apex for backup and getting the jump on her but Simon also knew his job was to make sure Grace was safe and bringing such a dangerous predator to the Apex might not be the best way to do that. What if they couldn't subdue Tuba quickly enough and as revenge she took Grace?

In Simon's point of view, their best bet was to catch Tuba off guard when she was vulnerable and knock her off then, preferably out of sight of Hazel considering that might reset all of the progress the two of them had made with priming her for the Apex. He looked back at Hazel and saw that she was now clinging onto Tuba's back because she was too tired to walk and Simon remembered if briefly, that once he'd felt the way about the Cat that Hazel felt about Tuba. And he'd been betrayed. He steeled himself and walked up ahead to scout for danger.

Grace loved Simon, she really did. She loved the way he understood her, the way he cared about her safety and wanted more than anything for her to just be safe and taken care of. She loved his creativity, his motivation, and how dedicated he was. And Grace wanted that to be it, wanted to be able to say definitively that her love for Simon was keeping her on the right path, the path of the Apex. But she couldn't help peaking at her number now and then when she was alone and seeing it had fallen.

And she couldn't help the rush of an emotion she'd never known before that accompanied it. She knew that it was probably just her being stupid, that it was her pulling away from Simon's protection when all he wanted to do was help her but that so often felt like she was making excuses. Simon was ahead of her by a bit scouting out the rest of the car and behind her Tuba and Hazel were snuggled together and Grace was here, caught in the middle of two ideals. One the Apex, Simon, everything they'd built.

And the other was something she didn't know how to describe, an unknown entity that was pulling her towards a lower number, towards sympathy for Tuba, towards her stomach twisting in knots when she remembered where they were leading her. But Grace swallowed all of that down because she had to, because she was in love and when you love someone like Grace and Simon loved each other you don't let a fleeting desire for something new stray you from the life you've worked so hard for.

"Car is all clear ahead," Simon said returning to her and gesturing vaguely ahead. "And the exit is just this way," he said offering her his hand to guide her there. The exit was in eyes view and Grace could have easily done it herself but she didn't have to. Simon wouldn't have let her even if she did.

"Thank you, Simon," she said and Simon nodded because it wasn't something he needed to be thanked for but rather a reality of the duty he'd taken on when they started dating. It was what he needed to do, what he was supposed to do at any cost. Protecting Grace came above all else no matter what that entailed, from other people to his own life. That of course included walking her to the door in case something tried to attack them. But Simon didn't go into any of that because he knew that Grace wouldn't understand.

"Anything for you ballerina," Simon explained and that was the long and short of it. He looked back at their two traveling companions, Hazel still asleep on Tuba's back, and Tuba seemingly too focused on Hazel to pay attention to the two of them. Simon pulled his face close to Grace to whisper to her. "When are we offing the null?" he asked and Grace looked surprised at him as if she'd forgotten it was a part of the plan, the most important part of the plan seemingly having slipped their minds.

"When we get back to the rest of the Apex, remember?" Grace asked and Simon shook his head as if the plan she'd come up with was nothing but an afterthought not worth considering compared to whatever he had planned.

"Yeah but this null is a liability Grace. Every day we're risking it snapping and deciding to take out you. I couldn't stand you getting hurt when I could have prevented it." Simon asserted as the two stepped out onto the bridge and started towards the next car. Grace let out an annoyed sigh at Simon's phrasing as if he was the only thing preventing her from being snatched away in the paws of some null and only himself, the hero king Simon, would be able to prevent it.

"And how exactly do you plan to prevent it, Simon? She's huge, and besides if Hazel saw it we'd risk pushing her away from us. Just focus on the plan we already had, okay?" Grace said and Simon seemed disappointed but seemed to put this to the side easily maybe finally understanding Grace's point of view on all this. She stroked his hair and said something else to him. "You know I love you, right?" she asked and Simon smiled at her, a blush dusting across his face.

"I love you too, but I'm sure you already know that," he said and Grace was sure that Simon loved her, and it was why she excused so much she wouldn't have put up with from others. That love was what kept her coming back to him and forgiving any misgivings because she knew that love was real and it meant something. Any mistakes he made in their relationship were just broken eggs on the way to an omelet of the perfect relationship, leaders, best friends, and soul mates.

"Are we there yet?" Hazel asked as she stirred from Tuba's back, having woken up and wiping her eyes after her nap. The answer was of course no, though they had ended up in another car since she'd fallen asleep. This car was also unfortunately massive and it seemed it wouldn't be an easy one. The group stood at the base of a giant mountain, and if intuition was correct anyone would guess that the door was somewhere at the top, or worst case scenario at the bottom of the other side.

"There's no going around, so don't even try!" the group heard a voice say, the four of them turning around to see a post horn with a ribbon tied around its waist speaking to them as it gestured to the mountain. "But don't worry, my name is Clide, and I'll be your guide," it explained, and though they'd never seen this guy in their lives everyone in the group felt an odd sense of deja vu at the entire moment.

"Oh great it speaks in rhymes," Simon said to Grace, only to realize at the exact same time Tuba had muttered something very similar under her breath. Hazel seemed to notice as soon as Grace did and they both laughed at the coincidence. Simon groaned at the idea that he was going to be stuck with this thing talking in rhymes and with Tuba all the way up this mountain. Before he could voice his displeasure the horn spoke up again.

"Now when getting up a mountain we'll need to use the buddy system, so everyone partner up," Clide said and Simon knew that this trip would be amazing if he was paired with Grace, tolerable if he was paired with Hazel, and absolutely awful if he was paired with Tuba. Unfortunately, the universe seemed aware of this and had been plotting to make his life infinitely worse as Hazel quickly yelled.

"I call Grace!" Hazel said and while Simon could have obviously contested this and argued why he should get to be with Grace he realized arguing with a child wasn't a good look, and she'd called dibs fair and square. And with the groups set Clide gave them each climbing gear and backpacks, that just so happened to be tied to whoever their buddy was.

"Now you all be safe, and I'll be right ahead making sure the path is nice and clear for you folks," he explained and Hazel raised her hand, still tied to Grace and seemingly bursting with excitement at the entire ordeal. "Yes?" Clide responded and Hazel gave her a question.

"Why don't you need a climbing buddy?" she asked and the horn gave a wink.

"An experienced mountaineer never reveals his secrets," Clide said and with that, he set off with the two groups following him. Grace and Hazel were doing pretty well despite their difference in sizes, seemingly having found a bit of a groove with Grace doing most of the climbing work and Hazel helping where she could. Simon and Tuba on the other hand weren't in sync at all, constantly pulling and fighting each other for control, and it became clear that they'd fall behind if they didn't get it together.

"Why don't you just stop fighting me and let me take the lead?" Tuba asked as she kept trying to move forward and Simon pulled against her. He wouldn't let this null take the lead, not when he was supposed to be in charge. He was meant to be a leader, a protector, and he wasn't meant to be dragged along as a backpack by an overgrown null who didn't know anything. Giving himself up like that, letting himself lose control like that was exactly what led to Samatha abandoning him, and he'd never be that weak again.

"Why don't you just let me be in charge!" he yelled and almost as if by fate the two could feel the ground slipping beneath them as the imminent danger of a rock slide became clear. Suddenly it was no longer about Simon's pride, he was no use to Grace dead and he knew it. Tuba scooped him up by their conected backpack and began running as fast as she could up the mountain, trying to catch up with the rest of the group.

"Tuba, Simon!" Hazel yelled as she and Grace had stopped upon noticing the lack of their companions, only to see them trying to escape a rock slide, Simon being narrowly saved by Tuba at every turn. The entire event seemed almost too much for Hazel as she began crying and panicking at the sight shaking with nerves. Under her breath Grace silently began to pray, pray that they'd both make it out okay, and even though Tuba was a null and she knew she shouldn't she wanted her to live and to keep living long beyond this.

For Simon this entire situation was odd, a reminder of how he'd been, afraid of losing himself to trusting others, afraid of letting himself become close to a null again. But Tuba wasn't Samantha when Samantha would have run and let him die, Tuba who didn't know him very well or like him very much was saving him. And why, as part of some nefarious null scheme? Or was there a chance, even a small one that she was capable of something Simon hadn't considered, a level of genuine care that even people didn't always have?

"We're not both going to make it," Tuba said, still holding onto the string connecting her and Simon's backpacks. The rock slide had only grown larger and they were dangerously close to getting swallowed up. Using her bare strength Tuba ripped the cord connecting them and tossed Simon to safety on a nearby ledge, and the slide swallowed them up. At the top of the mountain as the sight of the two was lost in a cloud of dust and rock Hazel finally snapped, tears flowing free and her body shaking and heaving.

And then it happened, a change Grace had never seen or anticipated before as Hazel's body became completely transformed, her hands changing into claws and her skin becoming green as her torso grew a shell. Grace almost tripped she was so surprised by the entire event as the idea that someone could look like a passenger and be a denizen, the idea that she could love and care for a denizen rocked her world. The dust cleared around where Simon and Tuba had been, and just as the tears started flowing down Grace's cheeks she saw something incredible.

Simon knew that killing Tuba was what he wanted, and he knew it wasn't what Grace wanted. But he also knew that he valued Grace's safety over her comfort and that if it came down to it he was more than willing to piss Grace off for the sake of her being protected. This would have been the perfect opportunity to kill Tuba, he wouldn't even have to do anything. But he didn't let her die. Though she had thrown him after cutting the cord, Simon had grabbed tight to hers, digging his heels into the ledge and weathering the storm until it passed.

Tuba climbed her way up the mountain now that the rock slide was finished, giving Simon a look of gratitude, and Simon felt his stomach tighten as he watched his number fall and for a brief second he understood Grace, knew why she was conflicted because saving Tuba had made him feel good and confused, and his number had fallen based on it and he didn't know what to feel. But he pushed it all down because that wasn't something he wanted to consider or think about in the slightest.

"Tuba!" Hazel said, running towards her, tears streaming down her turtle face and Simon almost jumped seeing it.

"She's…not human?" Simon said looking at Grace who seemed just as shocked as he was but wasn't saying anything. "She's not human?' Simon repeated when he got no response, and Hazel snuggled closer to Tuba's fur, her tears stopping and her body morphing once again into the form they'd known her in. Tuba stroked her hair and Simon felt tricked, as though he'd been lied to like this was all some big trick done by the train first by making him get his number down and now this. "You knew about this!" Simon challenged Tuba and Tuba looked at him confused.

"So what if I did?" Tuba asked as Hazel stayed close to her still. "She only does this when she's really upset, but it's been a long time since she last did. Besides, she's a kid. The place you were taking us was for kids right?" she asked and Grace wanted to step in and say something but before she could Simon, in the midst of a breakdown upon his sudden turn to saving Tuba and this knowledge jumped in before she could.

"Well yeah it's for kids but she's-" Simon started and Tuba narrowed her eyes, looking at him closely, holding Hazel in a way that was fiercely protective.

"She's what?" Tuba asked and the way she did rocked Simon to his core, all bark leaving him as she stared him down and Simon's words died in his throat. "We're going home Hazel." Tuba said and Hazel seemed upset, starting to protest the idea.

"But I want to stay with Grace and Simon! I want to see the other kids!" she said and Tuba looked at her and then at the two of them knowingly, knowing that the two of them wouldn't want Hazel as she was, wouldn't accept her. Maybe they would have, but Grace and Simon didn't know, didn't have enough time to know, and they were still in shock. To Tuba, the idea that they weren't yet able to decide if Hazel was worth their affection was enough of a reason to leave on its own.

"You'll understand when you're older," Tuba said, and with that, she gave Hazel a chance to say goodbye. She ran up to the two of them and hugged Grace's legs, accepting a head ruffle from Simon, something he did almost automatically now that she looked human again. She took it as his goodbye.

"Take good care of each other, okay?" Hazel asked and the two of them nodded, still numb and in shock as she walked away with Hazel, out of their lives, having changed their lives and numbers forever and leaving them with a final request. Grace and Simon had no clue what was going to happen next as they traversed down that mountain, past a cheering Clide who had made it down long before them not catching any of the drama that occurred out of the door that led to the bridge. Despite all of it, they vowed it was a promise they'd keep to her, and to each other.

Chapter Text

Grace didn't want to blame Simon for what had happened with Hazel. She didn't want to blame his careless words for taking the girl away from their party or for scaring away Tuba, someone who'd just saved his life. She knew that Simon didn't mean it, that he'd just been caught up in the emotion of the moment and was shocked just like she was. But Grace had been shocked in silence and Simon had become accusatory and now they were alone together again. Before this would have looked like a godsend to Grace.

Time alone with her boyfriend, the person she was closest to, the one who cared about her more than basically anything. But right now she was simply trying to swallow the bitterness she felt in her stomach and soul, trying to fight remembering the look in Tuba's eyes when she realized exactly what Simon had meant to say with his comment. The two of them walked silently through a car themed after a middle school, though it seemed the inhabitants of the car were slugs if the long trails of slime everywhere were any tipoff.

They seemed to be at lunch at the moment which was lucky considering neither Grace nor Simon knew exactly what they were going to do if they ran into any denizens at the moment. Simon, who was walking slightly ahead of her, pushed open some large double doors which regrettably did not lead to the exit but instead to a gym. Grace's sneakers squeaked as they traveled across the floor and Grace considered the fact that this was probably the closest thing she and Simon would ever get to middle school since they'd only been ten when they'd boarded.

Grace kept her head down as they crossed the floor, watched the way her shoes moved across the polished plasticine wood floor, and she imagined a life for herself that was like those shows she watched on TV about normal kids who did things like go to middle school classes. She wondered if Simon had those thoughts too, wondered about what life could have been for the two of them, and imagined a world where they'd never ended up here. Thinking about Simon only made her bitter again, however, so she pushed the thoughts away.

At the end of the gym, avoiding the large piles of slime Simon came across another door which thankfully did lead to the outside of the car and the two of them made their way across the bridge in silence still as it transpired. Grace looked out away from the bridge, away from the train out into the vast desert wasteland with its bleached red landscape and seemingly endless nothing and remembered being a child, small and terrified looking out into those wastes and trying to calm herself down.

She'd been alone then, so scared and without any recourse, just fighting to scrape by, barely staying alive. She'd been hopeless, convinced that all of this was some kind of punishment for actions that were now so long gone and fuzzy as to be frayed at the edges. But then she'd seen the conductor and she'd known, she'd understood. For the first time, Grace had hope again and it pushed her to do more than survive but to flourish. And then she met Simon and her other needs had been fulfilled because she wasn't alone anymore.

Now, Grace felt alone again, like Simon was a ghost and she could see right through him. He'd saved Tuba's life and now he was defensive and standoffish and Grace didn't have any interest in unpacking that with him at the moment. She was still unpacking herself and she didn't know what she was supposed to do about the entire thing. She didn't want to be alone when she was with Simon because she loved him. She decided practically out of the blue that she wanted to hear his voice and so for what felt like the first time in an eternity she spoke.

"I'm glad you're okay," Grace said and it caught Simon so off guard he practically jumped because it had seemed at least for the last while that the only glimpses of Grace's voice he was going to get existed wholly in his memory. But now that was changed, she'd spoken to him and he'd heard it clearly. Simon turned to face her on the bridge and he took in his face, her form, having spent so much time avoiding her eyes.

"Sorry for worrying you," Simon said awkwardly because he wasn't sure what exactly he was supposed to say in a case like this. His number had fallen, even for a brief moment. It had raised again when he'd confronted Tuba so the entire thing should have been behind him. It wasn't though, and it replayed over and over again inside of his head. The way he'd felt in that moment when it had fallen and how for a second he'd understood why Grace had been acting the way that she had. He clutched his arm awkwardly and resolved to never let her know.

"Well, these things happen…" Grace said and Simon knew he was losing her, that was if he hadn't already lost her. The way that she looked away, staring off into the space outside of the train and the way her words rang hollow to his ears made that all the clearer. She was drifting away from him and Simon was stuck out at sea trying to grab onto her as the inky darkness swallowed them both whole. He shuddered to think about it as he cut through the fog and reached his hand out to her.

"Do you still love me Grace?" he asked and that changed things, the atmosphere felt less tight and the conversation felt more real, less like a play they were both participating in. Grace's eyes, which had become dull and lifeless for a brief moment brightened significantly at the question and Simon knew that even if he didn't like the answer he at least had woken her up, that at least whatever she was going to say was going, to be honest.

"Of course I do! I just…" Grace started trailing off and Simon wouldn't allow that to happen because he wanted everything Grace had to offer, every word and every action attracted him and he wanted a part of it. As such he wasn't going to let her simply tune out the conversion, let it fizzle out like dying coals on a cooling grill.

"You just what? Please, tell me," Simon said and it came out more like begging than he'd intended it but Simon didn't mind. Grace turned her face away from him again and he tucked a finger under her chin, directing her attention back. He wanted to look into her eyes and have her look into his because some part of him he couldn't explain knew on a primal level that if she did things would go back to some semblance of normal for them.

"Why did you say that to Tuba?" Grace asked and Simon might have stumbled backward if he was just a little more off of his balance because the idea that this, the distance and frost between them, could come from what he'd said to Tuba made him pause and he didn't know how to restart.

"What are you talking about?" Simon asked and Grace felt like Simon was being purposely obtuse with her because what he'd said had led to this, all of this. Had he not confronted Tuba they'd still be traveling to the Apex with Hazel, and they'd still be in love and happy. Grace deep down in her soul knew that wasn't the case and knew that Simon's actions hadn't been the sole cause of discord. She knew on an even deeper level that she wasn't aware of that things would have never ended well.

They'd been leading Tuba towards her own death, Simon had said it in that very car and she hadn't contradicted him. She was the leader and though it might have stung she could have shut it down, though she would have been met with resistance. Why would she want to shut things down anyway? They were the Apex, and Simon just wanted them to do what they always did, what they'd been doing for years. Who was she to treat him like a pariah for doing what they'd always done?

"Nothing Simon," was Grace's response and at that, she tried to turn away and start trudging forward. Simon grabbed her arm and pulled her back towards him. She looked at him frustrated and Simon looked equally miffed at her, though neither of them had anything else to do but sit there and stare at each other. Finally, Simon spoke again, saying something that, while true, frustrated Grace coming from him.

"Can we please just talk about this?" Simon asked and Grace was upset not because the question was a bad one, or because what he was proposing was bad but instead because he was right and she couldn't. Grace figured they probably could talk about this, but they didn't and they wouldn't because she didn't know how. She was holding herself back and the words wouldn't come so instead she just narrowed her eyes at him.

"Let go of my arm," she said and Simon did so in the most dramatic fashion, tossing his hands in the air as if Grace was being completely unreasonable for no good reason and simply trying to make things more complicated. Grace wasn't trying to, but Simon truly was teaching her a lesson in what it meant to be utterly in love with someone and unable to stomach them. Grace wanted to be alone for a while but the two of them were stuck together and always had been. Grace wasn't sure that after all of the time that had passed she was able to be apart from him.

"Now are we going to talk about it?" Simon asked and Grace ignored him walking ahead on the bridge into the next car, which was blessedly free from other people. It was some sort of desert oasis, a beautiful scene of lush greenery and crystal clear free-flowing water surrounded by endless yellow sand. Grace took off her shoes and put them and her socks to the side and stuck her feet in the water. They'd both done so much walking that relaxation melted away the frustration that came from just needing a break.

Simon knew that Grace just needed time, and so he gave her time. He gave her a full ten minutes where he sat on the bridge and let her be in whatever the car up ahead held without him being around. And it destroyed him because he was afraid of what was happening to her, without him around to protect her. And he was afraid that in the time they were apart Grace was going to decide she didn't need or want him around anymore, and Simon didn't know what he was going to do in that case.

When that ten minutes passed Simon walked into the next car to find Grace…fine. She seemed relaxed even, the tension in her brow having melted away and her face had fallen into an involuntary relaxed smile. She leaned back on her palms as her feet dangled in the water and she was so calm that she'd even closed her eyes which Simon immediately was upset by considering how much danger it put her in, but he swallowed that. He was quiet as he walked up to her, not wanting to disturb her rest.

Simon opened his mouth to start speaking when he got close to her but closed it again when he realized he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Grace this calm and relaxed. Maybe words would ruin this for her, this moment of sweet silence that they were both living in. He silently took off his own shoes and socks and put his feet in the water near her, but not right next to her to give her space. Grace opened her eyes enough to see him and then closed them again, and almost as a reflex, her hand moved closer to him.

Simon decided to move his hand near hers as well and gently touched her. She didn't recoil like expected but instead seemed okay with it, and so they rested there for a moment. The two of them were finally able to recuperate and recharge and there was no need for words in a case like this, where they could just have each other without any real effort. Grace's little smile on her face was the healing that Simon didn't know he needed. Their moment was eventually disturbed by the arrival of a third party.

"Blasted thing, you better not be broken," the voice muttered and Simon was shocked to see an old woman trouncing by them holding a trackerpad, not unlike his own. Speaking of his own, it was now going off the charts, and when Simon got a closer look at the woman it didn't take a genius to figure out exactly why. She had the largest number Simon had ever seen, crawling all the way up her neck and most likely covering all of her torso. He hated to disturb Grace's rest but went to tap her only to see she was staring at her.

"Simon, her number is huge," Grace said and there was admiration in her voice but also fear, and maybe a bit of worry as well. Simon thought about why, of course considering Grace was confused about numbers now maybe she was afraid of the women but that wasn't something Simon could really fault her for. After all, his number had fallen when he'd saved Tuba, which meant the inverse would have been true as well. And Tuba was a null of course, but Simon wondered if the same principle held true for people.

"We should talk to her," Simon said and he knew his priority should have been getting back to the Apex, but his priority was Grace, always, and this woman with her giant number would be able to get everything straightened out with their numbers, fix the weird feelings brewing inside of them. "Hey, wait up!" Simon called at the woman, putting his socks and shoes back on to chase after him. She looked annoyed and sped up before ultimately exiting out of the door the two of them had just entered after touching her pad to it.

"She…went backward!" Grace exclaimed as she chased after Simon who was chasing the woman. Grace had long known denizens could traverse backward as they pleased but passengers weren't able to have that privilege in most cases. This woman seemed to be an outlier, however, with her giant number and her tracking pad. Grace and Simon managed to be fast enough to make it through the door she'd left open though once they reached the bridge they'd already lost her.

"We've got to figure out that lady's deal. She probably has the answer about your number," Simon said enthusiastically and Grace felt awkward at the reminder that number was now a topic of conversation again, but agreed and so they set off navigating backward through the cars they'd already been through. They ended up back in the middle school and it seemed the school day had ended, as the place was empty and they walked through the empty school searching for the way they’d come in.

As they returned back to the mountain car the two stopped, Grace realizing how far they were getting from their real goal, the Apex, and called for her and Simon to make camp for the night in a cave they located in the car that was relatively dry and warm, though the chill from the outside didn’t help. Simon scouted and managed to find some dry wood with which he could make a fire and Grace watched as he got it started, the embers dancing playfully in front of her face, Simon’s face illuminated beautifully in the light.

“Let’s turn in for the night. That lady is…interesting, but we can go find her again after we reunite with the kids.” Grace asserted and despite her expectation, Simon didn’t protest, only nodded silently and then left the cave again. Grace was alone again but it brought none of the comforts that she thought it would, that it had when she’d known Simon was still close if she changed her mind. She huddled herself closer to the fire and waited, if only because she wanted to know Simon was back before she fell asleep.

“God…you’re so beautiful,” Simon said quietly as he leaned against the entrance of the cave and Grace looked up at him only slightly embarrassed because Simon could upset her more than anything and then make her love him all over again and she never wanted to be apart from him. “I found a blanket,” Simon said, walking over leisurely and gently placing it over Grace’s shoulders, with the sort of tenderness usually reserved for people you truly loved. Grace held the blanket around her shoulders for a moment, a monument to their love and tenderness.

Then she tossed it across Simon’s shoulder too, pulling him close to her and tucking her head onto his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his waist. Simon seemed utterly surprised by the development but if he minded it he certainly didn’t complain, giving Grace a kiss on the forehead, which she escalated with a kiss on the lips. The two of them had forgotten how good this was, to wrap your lips around another person and taste them so completely, to feel the soft warmth of someone you love this close.

“I missed this,” Grace said in barely a whisper as they kept kissing each other, maybe out of desperation more than anything, and while on the surface she meant them getting to kiss so passionately more than that she meant getting to be together, close, without that anger and resentment and bitterness. Grace was tired and she didn’t want to fight anymore, not with Simon, not with herself. She wanted to see what happened next and she wanted to go home to the kids.

At least for the night, she could feel Simon’s stubble tickle her face and listened to his heart pound, the little hum he did that she felt vibrate through both of them as their eyes were closed and their lips were pressed together, and she could pretend. And Simon could taste her lipgloss and feel how soft she was, the gentle press of her arm around his body and he could stroke her hair. And the two of them could be safe here in this cave from their own angst and from the elements until they woke in the morning and had to face reality.

Chapter Text

When Simon woke up it was just as the day was breaking in the mountain car. He could see the light just peaking over the top of the mountain creating a sort of halo that would have left anyone in awe. But Simon had no interest in sunrises and quickly turned his attention to his tracker pad. The knowledge that the old woman they’d passed with the huge number had shorted out his pad called into question their entire journey to the Apex. Counting how many cars from the Apex they were was how Simon had been keeping track of their progress.

But, if what he suspected about the old woman moving closer to them as they were getting closer to them was true, they might have traveled only half the distance he’d assumed they had. Focusing his attention Simon scrolled through the card ahead of them looking for some sign, any sign they were close to their goal. He was happy with what he found, the Apex being close by and only a few cars ahead. If they hadn’t turned around to chase that woman they’d probably have made it there already.

Knowing the Apex was safe gave Simon enough confidence to scroll backward, through cars they’d already traveled through looking for another large cluster of numbers, this time not from the kids but from one large number. It occurred to him that when they returned to the mall car he’d have to train the thing to know the difference between the two. He was shocked to find that the same woman they’d been following had settled in the car right before the one they were in, and Simon felt a pit grow in his stomach.

He looked at Grace and in her, her sleeping form skin highlighted with a glow from the cast off sunlight of the day, and in her he saw everything he didn’t see in the sunrise. Grace put Simon in awe, there was no other way to think about it. When he saw her he was absolutely floored with how gorgeous she was, and how she could ever want someone like him. Maybe it was luck or convenience but Simon didn’t much care. The most beautiful person in the world was laying under a blanket, arms tucked in and sun shining on her face.

And just last night Simon had the honor of laying next to her. Maybe he should be more grateful, drop the entire thing with the old woman and focus on what Grace wanted. He knew that she’d no doubt be excited to return to the Apex when she found out how close they were. Simon was excited too but there was something holding him back, something stopping him from going on without answers from that woman. Simon remembered that his number had fallen, and he hadn’t hated it and swallowed it down. He’d get his answers.

“I haven’t slept that good in a while,” Grace said with a yawn as she stretched her arms to the sky and cracked her back. She turned her attention to Simon who predictably wasn’t lying half asleep next to her but was instead already sitting up fiddling with his tracker pad. Grace wouldn’t expect anything less from the guy who’d “trained” himself to wake up at 6 am every morning in a place with no time and in a car with no sun. It was funny to Grace how seriously he took things but it was also a comfort. It would be odd if he didn’t.

“I’m glad. You looked so relaxed I would have felt bad waking you up,” Simon explained and Grace crawled towards him, putting her arms on his shoulders and happily planting a kiss on his cheek which she watched cause a blush to rise from his neck all the way up his face. Simon was cute like that and as far as Grace was aware he didn’t even realize it. Grace ran her hands through his hair which immediately reminded her he probably hadn’t washed it in a while, and then stopped to address him.

“I thank you for indulging my relaxation, though I wish you’d let yourself do the same.” She teased and Simon ignored this. Grace had expected him too but she wished he’d at least acknowledge the possibility of turning off the serious thing at least for a bit. He was always the most fun when she could get him to relax a bit and after the time they’d had she thought they both deserved it. Though it wasn’t like the time they’d had was exactly over, they still hadn’t reached the Apex and as far as Grace knew they had no idea when they would.

“I’ve got a read on the Apex. It seems like what I was tracking before wasn’t actually the apex but was that lady we saw instead. So that’s bad. But, luckily for us it seems like the Apex is only a few cars away.” Simon said showing her the trackerpad, and Grace figured she really should ask more about how the things he made worked because she had no idea how he was getting all of that from just a few dots. There was a silence in the air and Grace knew why. Simon wanted to talk to this woman who’d they’d passed, and wanted them to backtrack more.

“So…what do you want to do?” Grace asked and she knew Simon would probably be surprised that she was giving him the option instead of saying what she wanted to do and letting them fight it out over who got their way. The truth was despite the fact that she’d just slept well Grace was tired, tired of fighting with Simon and tired of not knowing about numbers. She didn’t want to think about her number falling, she didn’t want to be fixed, but the truth was if they didn’t address the issue now she’d go back to the Apex and things would only get worse.

“I think we should go back and talk to that old woman. She’s only one car back from us and if we hurry we should be able to corner her for answers before she can ditch us again.” Simon explained and Grace was inclined to agree with his idea. They both nodded on it and got ready to go. Absentmindedly Grace placed her hand inside of her fanny pack and touched the ballerina figure, asking it for something, she didn’t know what it was but something. She wanted the strength and beauty Simon saw in her when he made the thing.

The two left the mountaineering car, narrowly avoiding another run in with Clyde and having to listen to his entire rhyming spiel again, and entered into the car before the one they were in. The door had been narrowly propped open letting them back in through the exit, something which wasn’t usually allowed. That was the thing that intrigued Grace along with this woman’s number. The train was made for passengers and therefore there were no rules for them. It just so happened on occasion the train made things more…difficult for them.

This woman though, those difficulties seemed like they were nothing to her, nothing important anyway. They slipped through the diamond mine car silently, trying to avoid attracting any attention and Grace followed behind Simon, who’s eyes were glued to the screen. He kept a tight hold of her hand as they traversed through the car, and even though Grace knew it was that same annoying protective streak that he was always giving into she couldn’t help from enjoying it in this one instance, after all she did feel weak as they walked into the unknown.

“Smoke. There’s a fire nearby.” Simon assessed as the two of them caught sight and smell of the telltale signs of smoke. “We should steer clear, it could spread. I don’t want you getting hurt.” Simon asserted and Grace looked at him like he was being ridiculous, quickly educating him on a subject that he clearly didn’t understand.

“Simon, what’s more likely, that this car which is mostly made of diamonds and rock has caught fire? Or that someone started a fire because they set up camp?” she asked and before Simon could give an answer she was pulling him along, pushing him towards the smoke as they headed towards the highest edge where they could peer over and look down. Just as they suspected, there in the middle of the mine was the old woman, cooking something on a pot over a small flame. Grace gave a smug look that Simon ignored.

“We can’t confront her directly, she’ll run again. We’ll have to use the element of surprise to-” Simon started to say before being incredibly startled by a voice he wasn’t at all expecting. From below them the woman spoke in a British accent.

“I know you’re watching me. Don’t worry, I won’t run. You can come down here now,” she said and Grace and Simon waited with baited breath hoping the woman didn’t actually know they were there and was just bluffing in the hopes of scaring them off. No such luck as she added something. “I have a tracking pad you know?” And when Simon looked down he could see her holding one in her hands. “I see dot one, that’s me, and dots two and three, you two I presume? So unless you plan on leaving…” the woman said and there was silence.

“What do we do?” Simon asked and there was only one real option for Grace. This woman knew they were around and they didn’t have anything they could do but show themselves or retreat, which she could see on her tracking pad. And after leaving this car Grace had no intention of returning, she was getting her answers here and she was going home. No if ands or buts about it.

“We’ll show ourselves, and we’ll confront her.” Grace said and though she could tell that Simon wanted to protest he didn’t actually have a better plan. They slowly made their way down top of the mine shaft down to where the woman was, and she looked at them impatiently as the thing she was heating over the flame was revealed to be coffee and not a meal, something which slightly disappointed the both of them who hadn’t had a hot meal in a while.

“Well it took the both of you long enough,” the woman said annoyed as if the two of them were the ones she’d been chasing down instead of the other way around. “Well, sit down. You have questions for me don’t you?” she said and Simon furrowed his eyebrows at her, bristling at being told what to do. Grace and Simon may have disagreed on many aspects of the Apex, including the idea of freedom versus structure but both of them never bowed to the whim of adults.

“I think I’ll stand.” Simon said defiantly and the woman shrugged and drank her coffee.

“Do whatever you want, I don’t care. My name is Amelia, and I work for One. Now that we’ve got pleasantries out of the way-” the woman who they now knew as Amelia started and Grace immediately jumped in at the revelation she’d revealed without hesitation.

“You work for One-One!” Grace said and Simon became immediately distrustful of whatever the woman had to say. After all, someone who worked for One-One was just as good a propaganda machine with two legs. “Are you the one who put him into power?” Grace asked and Amelia let out a laugh.

“Ha! That’s funny! No.” she said, suddenly switching to a more serious tone. “That honor goes to a child who successfully ended my over thirty year reign with a pipe and some gumption. Just because she was right doesn’t mean I have to have fuzzy feelings about it…” Amelia said muttering to herself with that last sentence and Simon quickly clung onto what she’d said. A thirty year reign…there was no way that meant what it sounded like. To prove himself right, Simon pushed forward and asked.

“What do you mean a nearly thirty year reign?” Simon asked and Amelia looked as though it was a story she had no interest in telling but decided she had to if for nothing else than that it would make the conversation go faster.

“Right well, One or One-One as you call him controls the train now. Before that I was the conductor for thirty five years give or take after a successful coo against the true conductor who was, shockingly, One. Not too long ago he was restored to his rightful position and as a slow and arduous form or torture I was reduced to his worker, cleaning up my messes. I honestly might have preferred the torture. At least this way my number falls…one digit at a time.” she said that last part extra labored and took a long sip of coffee.

“You’re lying.” Simon asserted. “The true conductor isn’t One-One, it was this huge robot guy. And he was the conductor when you claimed you were. Also why would you want to get your number down, you know that kills you, right?” Simon asked and he chuckled to himself. “I would have assumed that being on the train as long as you have with a number that big you’d know that much at least,” Simon asserted and Amelia suddenly turned her eyes to Simon’s number, and then to Grace who peeled off her glove to reveal her own. She examined both of their faces for a moment before asking something.

“How long exactly have the two of you been on the train?” Amelia asked and Grace answered for her.

“About eight years,” she said and then Amelia started laughing the way she had before. Grace and Simon looked at each other awkwardly and then back to her waiting for her to finish laughing at whatever was so hilarious she couldn’t hold back. She wiped a tear from her eye and started.

“Alright, I see what’s happened. I’ve started a little cargo cult here haven’t I? Let me guess, the conductor had a voice that sounded…” she ruffled through her bag until she found an old looking device and spoke into it. “Like this?” she asked, her voice now thoroughly robotized. “And that lipstick you wear on your face, that’s from the sine wave you saw, wasn’t it. A little bloopy line that was on the robot guy? Which one of you saw this true conductor?” she asked and Simon seemed very upset.

“Grace saw him, Grace tell her we see right through her lies!” Simon asserted and Amelia ignored him, walking over to Grace and talking to her calmly.

“You must have been just a little girl when you saw me right? New on the train, terrified? And then you see this odd looking robot, maybe an arm with a large number and think “Well that must be the most important person on the train, I should be like that!” Am I on the money?” Amelia asked and Grace felt like her head was spinning.

“It was in a pumpkin patch car…do you remember-” Grace asked and Amelia shook her head no.

“Well as long as I’ve blown your minds I figure I might as well tell you that numbers aren’t supposed to be this high. Your number is supposed to go down and then you go home, that’s the natural order of things.΅ she explained and Simon ruffled again.

“You’re a liar.” he asserted and again Amelia shook her head.

“Sorry to tell you, but maybe the things you come up with as a scared child aren’t the most accurate reflection of reality. Now then, for what I was here for, have either of you two come across an anomaly on the train?” she asked and both of them looked confused so she sighed and went into further detail. “This little cult really screwed you two up huh? Well, there’s two types of people on the train, denizens who live on the train and have no numbers and all of that jazz, and passengers who are supposed to get their numbers down and go home. So an anomaly would be…” she paused and waited for an answer like a school teacher.

“Something in between a null and a passenger-” Simon said as his brain lit up and he recognized exactly what Amelia was talking about.

“Right, something like that. Anyway there’s one on the train and I need to let’s say get rid of it. A remnant of my time as conductor that needs to be wiped away with the rest of my mistakes. Have either of you seen it?” she asked and Simon looked at Grace, looked into her eyes and saw her pleading, the way she was asking him something without words. Simon gave her a look too, one in response before addressing Amelia.

“No.” he said and Amelia let out an annoyed sigh. Simon’s number fell and he tried to ignore it.

“Right well, I hope at least the two of you got something out of this. You’re both pretty young, maybe you’ll be able to get your numbers down and go home in a timely fashion. Unlike me, who’ll probably die here…” she muttered “Here,” she said to Grace, handing her the device that made her voice sound robotic. “You can keep it, sound like that “true conductor” you love so much,” and with that she gave them a goodbye and left the two of them alone in the mine car together, without any recourse on how to deal with this revelation. Simon’s reaction was to deny everything, and it was exactly what he was going to start doing.

“Can you believe her Grace? Just lying like that without any evidence, when you know what you saw!” Simon protested and Grace stared hard at the device, remembering how perfectly it had made Amelia sound like the conductor, how easily Amelia had recognized the symbol on their faces and how clearly she’d been able to tell what Grace’s history had been. “You know she’s lying, right Grace?” Simon asked and Grace clutched the thing tight in her hand.

“I mean…it was a long time ago Simon, I was a scared kid-“ Grace e lap knee and Simon got heated, cutting her off.

“Grace, she works for One-One! You’re going to believe her over me? Over your own memory?” He asked and Grace felt confused, like her chest was tight.

“My memory is fuzzy Simon! And it’s not like I’m picking her over you I’m just saying I don’t know what to think! How would she know about the voice? About the symbol? I just need time to think okay?” She asked and Simon looked as though she’d physically wounded him.

“Time to think? Think about what? One conversation and suddenly the last eight years mean nothing to you? Everything we’ve built means nothing to you? Everything that we are is just out the window?” He asked accusingly and Grace steeled herself.

“Simon, please just hear me out. Us, we,” she said, grabbing hold of his hands and looking into his eyes with that same love and affection that always seemed to remind Simon why they were together. “We aren’t the Apex. We built it but it’s not who we are okay? We can still be us, together,” she asserted, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “While still being able to maybe think about the idea that we made a mistake when we were dumb kids-” she said and Simon spoke up.

“I didn’t make any mistakes. The only mistake was talking to that lady, and letting her stray us from the principles of the Apex-” Simon said before Grace butted in.

“Your number fell to Simon. When you protected Hazel just now it fell and you let it. So don’t pretend I’m the only one not following Apex tradition.” she pointed out and that seemed to leave Simon stunned. They stared at each other annoyed for a moment before Simon pushed past her and walked back into the car they’d come from. And Grace was alone, alone with her hazy memories and her struggle, and with this device in her hand which she traced her fingers over. The label on it read dictaphone and she pressed the button on the side to turn it on before quickly turning it off again as if it would reset her fear.

Chapter Text

There was only a short distance between Grace and Simon and the Apex, but it felt as though it was insurmountable. Not because the cars they had up ahead were particularly challenging, they might have been Grace didn’t know yet, but because of the distance between Grace and Simon themselves. It felt as though Grace was caught between two worlds, the one she’d always known and built and one that felt more real and true and scary. Grace didn’t know where she was going to end up and it terrified her.

The answer seemed obvious from an outside perspective, after all the world that she’d built had been years in the making and was the epicenter of all of her relationships, especially her relationship with Simon. And so what question was there to ask in that case, she’d pick the one she’d always known and always had. The other option, the unknown path, would leave her the worst thing Grace thought she could be, alone. She’d be lost, her entire worldview invalidated and she wouldn’t have the one person she loved most in the world.

So why did the idea of that path, of discarding everything she’d ever known under the pretense of being false and being willing to try another path, call to her? Maybe it was because she knew that no matter what path she chose she couldn't go back to who she’d been before this journey. It had changed her, and like Pandora opening the box, what it had inspired in her could never be put back. She could never go back to who she’d been before meeting Hazel, before talking to Amelia, before she started asking questions.

Grace wondered as she tried to solve the giant Rubix cube in the car the two of them were currently in if Simon hated her now. After all, the Grace he’d fallen in love with, the one that he thought he knew, was gone. Her confidence in the face of all obstacles, her hatred of nulls without question, her effortless ability to manipulate people, all of those things felt far away from Grace now. When Grace had heard the phrase ignorance is bliss as a child she hadn’t understood it. After all, how could more knowledge make you unhappy?

How foolish she’d been back then to not know the answer. She looked at Simon’s face as he focused on turning the bottom row of the Rubix cube to try and solve it and she saw a storm behind those eyes. On the surface, Simon may have looked the same but Grace had known him for too long not to know distaste when she saw it. Simon was upset, and she had a hunch it wasn’t at the puzzle. In the last few cars, he’d walked up ahead of her and hadn’t acknowledged her after their disagreement about Amelia.

Grace couldn’t say she didn’t understand where he was coming from either, after all, she was abandoning all of their principles. She hadn’t thought that meant abandoning Simon too but apparently he was of a different opinion. It increasingly felt to Grace that Simon was taking the initiative and abandoning her before she could do it to him. Never mind the fact that Grace loved Simon and never wanted to split up with him in the first place. She saw from Simon’s point of view and understood where he was coming from, but he seemed wholly unwilling to extend her that same courtesy.

Grace wanted to say something to him, to bridge that gap, to make him understand where she was coming from but she didn’t know how. Especially not when they hadn’t said anything to each other for the last three cars. Grace turned the middle portion of the Rubix cube and it matched up, glowing brightly before the previously locked door turned its handle and opened for them Grace watched Simon start walking forward towards the door and she wanted to reach out and say something to him.

“Good work on the Rubix cube…” she said awkwardly as they walked alongside each other on the bridge. Simon suddenly stopped and turned around to look at her. Grace felt like he was looking right through her, like whatever he saw in her wasn’t who she had been and wasn’t who she felt she was now. Even then, there was still a certain warmth in his eyes.

“What do you plan on telling the kids when we get back since you’ve chosen to believe Amelia? Do you plan on disrupting their entire way of life too? Or what are you going…are you going to leave the Apex now that you don’t believe in it?” Simon asked and Grace wished that he’d just said thanks. Dealing with the elephant in the room wasn’t what she wanted to do here on this bridge and she didn’t want to admit she didn’t know what she was doing, stuck between these two paths.

“Simon I didn’t say I don’t believe in the Apes anymore I just have questions-” she started and Simon looked frustrated like it had been bubbling beneath the surface. He interjected with a question that Grace should have been prepared for but caught her off guard nonetheless.

“So what, are you going to bring those questions to the kids? Have them confused about everything we’ve taught them?” Simon asked and Grace didn’t know the answer, and she needed time to think. Maybe it was fitting this particular conversation was happening on a bridge, a transitory period between the past and the future. That was where Grace was and she didn’t know if she was coming or going.

“I’m not sure, okay Simon? I just need time to think.” She said and she started to walk away. Simon grabbed onto her arm the same way he often did, pulling her back towards him. It felt different this time than it had those others, maybe more aggressive or tighter, but certainly not the same playful way she’d seen it before.

“We don’t have enough cars in between us and the Apex for you to think. As second in command, I have a right to know what you’re going to do about us- about this.” Simon corrected himself after his little slip. Grace barely noticed as she tugged her arm trying to get it out of his grip. Simon either didn't notice or didn’t care she was uncomfortable and Grace suddenly felt very claustrophobic. Finally, she said what she’d been hoping to avoid having to get out.

“Let go of my arm!” she said a little bit louder than she’d meant to, and Simon looked surprised and then dropped it. Grace looked at her arm, which looked fine though it did hurt a bit more than she thought it should. Simon for his credit looked legitimately sorry about it, though not enough to avoid making an excuse for himself while he apologized.

“I’m sorry, you’re usually okay when I do that,” he said and Grace looked down at her arm and then towards the door into the next car.

“I need to rest, let’s take a break in this next car,” she said quietly and without looking at him before walking into the next car. Grace was walking away from him, that was all Simon could see. She was going to leave him and she was already pulling away from him. If she hadn’t been brainwashed by Amelia he might have been mad at her but he knew this wasn’t her fault. Everything with the shock around Hazel and her number had made her an easy target. It was lucky that Simon was able to avoid those sorts of tactics.

His number had fallen too, but less than Grace’s and he knew it was a bad thing. He’s watched people be taken after their number fell, dying because of their weakness. Simon wasn’t weak and he knew Grace wasn’t weak either, she was just confused. Simon wanted to help her out of the fog but he didn’t know how and didn’t know what he was missing. Grace opened her mouth and spoke to him but her words made no sense. It was like talking to a wall with her, she was unable or unwilling to see that she’d been lied to.

As Simon entered the next car right behind her he found that it was themed after some kind of beach resort, which he couldn’t say he wasn’t hoping for. After the incident with the mountain car and Samantha’s little cabin, Simon could safely say he’d had enough snow for several lifetimes. He watched as Grace walked up to the building which read “Concierge” and talked to the pile of sand wearing sunglasses behind the desk. Evidently, it worked because Grace returned with two keys, placing one in his hand.

“I’m going to go lay down in the room,” Grace said briefly before walking away from him again, towards her room. Simon wanted to pull her back and have her hear him out, have her understand that he was just trying to save her from herself. Instead, he watched as she walked away, towards the room and towards her peace, her rest without him. Simon could have followed her but he knew when he wasn’t wanted, going to look at the beach instead. When he arrived there he saw a group of those sand blobs together, laying on a beach towel.

A previous version of Simon would have taken his heavy boots and kicked right through them, just because he could because they were nothing. He thought about doing just that, stared from a distance at them, and watched as they seemingly glided over the beach sand taking parts of it into their body with every move. He walked closer to them and started to reel back his foot, and then…he stopped. He walked right past them, to a further side of the beach, and sat down, and his number fell. Simon wondered if he was going crazy.

He’d never hesitated like that in his life, had never even considered sparing the life of a null after he’d decided to kill it. But here he was choosing not to when it would have been easy and probably would have made him feel better. Whatever mind poison had arrested Grace was seeping into Simon too and he feared that soon, he’d lose her and himself. Simon steeled himself because he could fix this, he’d have to. Simon knew what he had to do and who he had to talk to, even though he was dreading it.

He stood up and dusted himself off, removing the sand from his body and pulling himself across the beach toward the exit, preparing to use the harpoon pack to return back to Samantha, and get answers from her. As he reached the exit of the car he looked back out at the beach, and at the rows of houses on the water. He took a deep sigh and walked over to the desk Grace had gotten the keys from asking for a piece of paper and a pen which the sand blob gave to him. He paused for a moment before starting to write.

“Dear Grace, I love you and always will. But I can’t live like this. I need to find the truth. -Simon” he wrote and then, checking the number on the key she’d given him he suck the note under the door of the corresponding cabin. Simon set off on his journey, using the harpoon pack to climb across the roofs of cars because unlike One-One propagandist Amelia he didn’t have the luxury of going back through the doors he’d exited from. Simon knew he probably shouldn’t have, he’d made a note of which car was Samantha’s.

A part of him told himself that it was just because he wanted to make sure that he knew what car to avoid, but a more honest part of him knew that as soon as he’d learned Grace had a falling number he’d anticipated that it would end like this, with him demanding the help of the person- the thing that had ruined his life. Once he reached the car he dropped down in front of it and barged in the door, fighting through the bitter cold and his memories of Grace, of Hazel that had taken place here as he located the cabin and kicked the door in.

“Goodness, have you ever heard of knocking!” Samantha hissed out as her back arched and her fur stood on end upon Simon’s entrance. Simon for his credit didn’t flinch and looked right through her as he walked further inside the cabin, toward her.

“I need answers, and you're going to give them to me,” Simon said seriously and Samantha laughed, simply hopping down from the couch she’d been perched on and, using Simon’s neck as a springboard, she stood proudly on top of a bookshelf.

“And why would I do that when you and your little posse have caused me so much trouble?” she asked smugly and Simon bit down on his lip because she had left him to die and either didn’t care or didn’t mind. When he’d been a scared child she’d told him she’d teach him about the train, told him she’d be his guardian. And now they were like this. It reminded him why he needed to do this for Grace, the one who had been there through thick and thin, the one who’d always protected him.

“Grace has been brainwashed,” Simon said and Samantha’s eyes went wide.

“Grace? Brainwashed? Well, I never thought I’d see the day the manipulator because the manipulated. Tell me, what exactly has happened?” she asked and Simon hated that he felt his guard going down as he paced closer to the bookshelf, looking up at her.

“Well her number started going down and…and so did mine. That was what started it. And then we found out that little girl we were traveling with wasn’t even human and…and then we met this old woman. She had the biggest number I’d ever seen, and she started telling Grace all this crazy stuff about how she was the conductor and that One-One was the real conductor all along and-” Simon started and Samantha cut him off.

“Did this woman happen to be named Amelia?” she asked and Simon nodded. The Cat gave a hiss at the name. “Oh of course it was. Well as much as it sickens me to say it, Grace hasn’t been brainwashed at all. Amelia, may she rot, is telling the truth.” she said annoyed as she paced on top of the bookcase before hopping back down onto the couch. “She took over the train from that little ball, One-One. When she found out he might be a threat again she had me try and acquire him, and when I didn’t…she tried to kill me.” the Cat said with a shiver.

“Save the sob story, I know Amelia is lying. She said that getting your number down is a good thing, that it sends you home. And now she had Grace all confused and acting weird.” Simon muttered something else under his breath. “And I’m acting weird too,” Samantha let out a chuckle at his words.

“Well isn’t this something, it seems like you and your little gang are starting to grow a moral compass. Numbers go down, you go home Simon. Haven’t you seen the video?” she asked and Simon tensed up and got upset.

“That's a lie! It's propaganda!” he yelled before kicking the bookcase behind him. “And it's propaganda that’s going to make Grace leave me,” he said, clearly barely concealing his anger.

“If this is how you act when you don’t get your way I’d leave you t-” the Cat started before realizing what she was about to say. The damage was already done however as Simon walked over to her, and picked her up by the scruff of her neck.

“You did leave me! You left me to die as a child, and if you’d had your way I wouldn’t be here right now. That’s why all of this is even happening-” he said clearly pained, and the Cat breathed out a long sigh, before hopping down from Simon’s grasp with ease and looking at him.

“I’m sorry Simon. I shouldn’t have left you behind and that’s…that’s something I need to live with. But you need to take some responsibility. Beyond Grace, beyond numbers, I hurt you and you decided to hurt other people because of it. Don’t you think that this guilt you’re feeling now, the guilt that’s making you come in here with your demands, is at least a little deserved?” she asked and Simon bristled.

“I don’t hurt people, nulls are-” he started and Samantha stopped him.

“Don’t tell me you believe your own lies Simon, I know misdirection when I see it and it's written all over your face. If we nulls aren’t people, why are you here? Why didn’t you toss me into the fire when you had the chance? You're angry with me and you’ve decided to make it everyone else’s problem. While I’m flattered I can’t help but think you and Grace are finally waking up to reality and you don’t like that she’s doing it faster than you.” Samantha assessed and Simon shot back with his own accusation.

“You're a liar, all you do is lie,” Simon said bitterly and Samantha smirked at him.

“I’m the liar you came to for answers, Simon.” she reminded him and with that, she hopped off of the couch, and walked into the kitchen. “Now, do you think Darjeeling or Chamomile would make this news go down better, hmm?” she asked Simon slumped down in the chair he was in front of as the knowledge of exactly what had happened and what it meant for him sunk in. Simon was angry and afraid and was told the same story by everyone that he didn’t want to believe. Simon thought he should want to stand up and fight for his beliefs but all the fight had drained out of him.

“Darjeeling, thanks,” he muttered as he ran his hands through his hair and tried to put himself back together.

Chapter Text

When Grace woke up she was alone in the little beach cabin she’d fallen asleep in but she’d expected that to be the case. Simon had seemed restless since their little chat with Amelia and she hadn’t expected him to want to take a nap. She figured she was lucky because she also wanted to be alone. Simon, if Grace knew him as well as she thought he did, was probably off stalking the beach looking for a way to release his frustrations. She hoped it wasn’t through violence but it wasn’t a possibility she could rule out.

As much as she hated to think about it in the face of her ideas, specifically her ideas about the lack of humanity in nulls, being wrong Grace knew that she had contributed heavily to a culture of violence. It was under her stewardship that the Apex had grown and flourished, and used those numbers to hurt others even more effectively than before. It made her stomach churn to remember so she tried thinking of other things. The first to come to mind was what she’d been dreaming about.

It all felt far away and hazy now but only a few moments ago it had been clear, sharp even. Images of Hazel shifting from turtle to human and Tuba protecting her as she ran from Grace. Tuba pointed in shock at something, trying to warn Grace of an impending doom. When she’d turned around there Simon was, but not the Simon she recognized, in his stead, this Simon was a giant who scooped her up in his hands. His face morphed into Amelia's as her jaw unhinged and she swallowed Grace whole.

Grace was no expert in dream analysis, though she had read a book on it once, but she still felt qualified enough to make the judgment that she was feeling a bit confused and suffocated by all of the new developments happening in her life. At the very least some things would never change, no matter how hectic things got. She was still Grace Monroe and nothing could take that away from her. And moreover, she still had Simon. Even if things were strained they still had each other and that had to count for something.

She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and cracked her back as she lamented how she’d never woken up from a nap, even a needed one, without feeling a bit off. That was what she chalked her odd feeling of nervousness to, just that same feeling everyone got when waking up from a nap. As she approached the door, intent on going to find where Simon was and talking to him with a clear head, she saw a note slipped under the door. Picking it up and reading it Grace’s hand naturally covered her mouth as shock consumed her.

She didn’t want to believe it was true, and she dropped the letter like it had burned her, pushing out of the door to go circle the beach looking for Simon, shouting his name. Despite her hopes and best efforts however it seemed what the note had said was true. Simon had left her and based on the phrasing Grace didn’t get the feeling he was coming back any time soon. She held back tears as she slumped to her knees on the beach, watching the sand denizens awkwardly shuffle around her.

Grace had tried so hard to protect herself from that endless chasm of loneliness because she’d known she couldn’t handle it. Simon had always been there for her, for more than eight years they’d had each other’s backs, knowing that no matter what came they’d be together. And when they’d started dating Grace had felt even more secure. She’d been sure that no matter what challenges they’d faced they’d do it together. But now here she was without Simon and beside herself with no idea of what to do.

Grace remembered another part of her dream, a part that she’d put out of her mind. Hazel had said something to her while she’d been morphing back and forth between her forms. She’d looked Grace deep in the eyes and asked her a question, the same question she’d asked her back in the amusement park car. Why she and Simon were together. Back then Grace had told Hazel it was because they always had been and that was certainly true. But now Grace has another answer.

Grace and Simon had been together because they had to be. They’d always been and neither of them knew how not to be together, how to figure things out without the other. They’d relied on each other as their glue, their crutch, their living echo chamber. Neither of them had to grow or change or struggle because as long as the other was there it wasn’t a problem. But now they’d been forcibly separated and maybe it was for the better. To Grace, it felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest, but that was a sign they needed to be apart.

Grace didn’t know much about relationships, considering Simon was by far her most important one, but she did know they weren’t supposed to hurt. At least they weren’t supposed to her like this like a vital organ was being taken from her. Grace and Simon were separate people but they hadn’t been in so long. Maybe that was why it had been so consuming when they came into conflict on numbers because it wasn’t something they’d ever disagreed on before. When you’re used to someone being there to validate you the opposite is scary.

Grace pulled herself up and off of the sand, dusted off her pants, and straightened her back. She was Grace Monroe first and foremost, not the leader of the Apex, not Simon’s ballerina. She was stronger than anyone had ever anticipated in the face of change and she was going to prove it. Simon had asked her what she intended on telling the Apex kids when they reunited with them. Well, Simon had chosen to abandon her and them in the face of new knowledge and that meant Grace was all that they’d have.

And in the face of that, in the face of a change with no opposition, Grace knew what she was going to tell them. She planned on telling them the truth, the truth that numbers were supposed to go down and that One-One wasn’t a usurper but the original conductor. That his words about the denizens being there to help you were correct, not lies, and that she knew it was true because she’d met a denizen who’d helped her. She wouldn’t tell them about Simon though, not yet.

She didn’t even know what to tell herself about Simon, imagining how the kids would take the news that he’d left them and she didn’t know when he was coming back was unimaginable to her. So she focused on what she would tell them and what she could do. Grace knew better than most that this particular change wasn’t going to be an easy pill to swallow. But she hoped that hearing it coming from a trusted source would make it go down better for them than it had for her. Or then it had for Simon.

“Okay Grace, you’ve got this,” she muttered to herself as she pressed forward. She tried to remember how many cars she had between her and the Apex and when she came up empty she didn’t worry because she knew that it wouldn’t matter as long as she plowed through as many cars as she could. All she could think about was how things would go when she reunited with the kids, and she hoped they were alright. After all, she knew that for as much as she loved them they were quite rowdy.

Grace had been much more like that when they’d started the Apex years ago, so much more focused on just messing things up because the world had messed her up and she was bitter about it. The Apex had been her revenge, her way of letting those feelings out. The only reason they even had any structure to speak of was…Simon. He’d always grounded the Apex and grounded her as a result. It had worked well back when they’d both believed heavily in their own myth but how quickly that had soured.

When Grace had realized the facade of the Apex was just that, a facade Simon was no longer a force grounding her to reality but a weight dragging her back into the depths of their lies. Grace knew now that she was unshackled from that weight but it didn’t feel good at all to be free. Instead, it felt like she was losing a part of herself, and Grace couldn’t help but think about how everything had shaken out. She wondered if this really was the way things had to end, wondered if there was a universe where Simon could have agreed to look at things from her point of view.

Grace breezed through the cars she entered without saying a word, simply pressing forwards with no thought of anything but making it back to the Apex. As her feet moved it was like a dance, spinning, and bounding between any cars in her way in order to return to the Apex without engaging anyone. Grace fought back any nostalgia or memories that came with anything she passed by keeping her eyes forward and locked on a door at all times. At the pace she was going she would hit the Apex in no time.

She hit a roadblock in the form of a puzzle car, one with a locked door that she couldn’t surpass and she looked around for the solution, tearing her eyes away from the prize for the first time since she’d left the beach car. She was in some sort of creepy-looking old mansion, likely equipped with secret passageways and traps that she was supposed to trigger to open the door. Grace let out a frustrated sigh as she started to look around and anticipated being stuck for a while before remembering something from her past.

That thing was a time when she and Simon had first discovered the mall car and had spent several days just exploring the place and indulging in everything they’d found. When they’d come across the bookstore she and Simon had laid there reading for hours as they shared anything interesting they found in their books with each other. Simon would read aloud some passages to her whenever he thought they were bad enough and in this instance, the story had been about some teenagers trapped in a haunted house.

“Of course, the secret passage that leads to freedom was found by pulling a book on the bookshelf,” he said, annoyed after he read Grace the section and Grace had raised an eyebrow because she hadn’t found it to be a big deal at all.

“What do you mean?” she’d questioned and Simon had looked at her like she was crazy for needing to ask that question.

“When it comes to haunted houses you can always find the exit either by pulling a book on the bookshelf or pulling on the candle near the bookshelf. Anything else will lead you to somewhere completely unrelated to your goal.” he’d explained and Grace still hadn’t seen what the big deal of invoking the trope was but had let Simon have his frustration.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said jokingly before turning her attention back to what she was reading. Grace smiled at that memory now as she saw there was no candle by the bookshelf but there was a rather conspicuous-looking book. She pulled it and sure enough the handles on the door turned, opening it out to the bridge. She exited out and wanted to get back to the headspace she’d been in, with her only focus being keeping her eyes on the prize but now that a memory of her and Simon had crept in it was impossible.

She was trapped now thinking about how she and Simon had been, seeing their ghosts wherever she went. She ran her hands over the rails on the bridge and remembered the two of them racing across the bridge as children, without a car in the world, remembering the two of them sharing a triumphant kiss on the bridge after successfully demolishing a car and claiming success for the Apex. She remembered how much their lives, and their routines had been intertwined and Grace felt a pit form in her stomach as she realized she really was alone now.

“Grace!” a chorus of voices sang as she opened the door to the next car to find it was her beloved mall car, her home. The kids all looked fine enough though maybe some of them had a few more bruises than she remembered, likely from them doing a few too many tricks off of the escalators. None of them were crying for medical attention though so that was good enough for her. They swarmed her seemingly just content to have their leader back after so long and Grace felt herself tearing up at how much she’d missed them.

“I’m glad you all didn’t burn the car down without me,” Grace joked, though she did see some new singe marks in the corner that she didn’t remember being there when she’d left. Still, the happy reunion couldn’t last and Grace knew it couldn’t last because if she didn’t get ahead of it now, one of the kids was going to ask about Simon and Grace might cry about it. That meant she needed to get ahead of it, needed to announce the truth that she’d found out, and needed to tell them some story about Simon that wouldn’t make them worry.

She went up one of the escalators and kept her eyes from looking to the side because she knew that was where Simon was supposed to go up. The two of them were meant to do it together, the symmetry of it all was ruined now. She remembered when they’d planned that entrance, how they’d gushed about how cool it would be to address their loyal followers like that. Grace still felt like it was impossible for Simon to have left her, to have left all of them, because of numbers. They’d been in love with each other, so how had it ended up like this?

“Apex!” Grace announced and a hush fell over the crowd as they gathered around to look up at her and listen to what she had to say. “On my journey back to you all, I’d first like to say I missed you all immensely,” she said and the Apex cheered, people in the crowd yelling out at her.

“We missed you too Grace! It was boring without you!” voices cried out and Grace pushed all of her complicated feelings about Simon and loneliness and everything else out of her mind because she was Grace Monroe and right now that was the type of person who the kids needed. So it was the type of person she’d be.

“When I was out there in the field I learned many things…” Grace started and she wondered how she’d explain this best to them, how she’d show them a symbol of her change. She remembered Amelia telling Grace the lipstick staining her face was a sinewave, a symbol for the machine Amelia had built. She remembered now that she looked out on the faces in the crowd, a sea of red lipstick-stained faces that she’d passed her wrong knowledge onto so many people, so many people who should be home but weren’t.

Grace dug in her fanny pack until she found her handheld mirror and used it to see the sinewave on her face, to see who she was and how she looked. And then, using her glove, she wiped the symbol off of herself. The kids gasped in shock as they watched their leader, the one who’d given each of them the wave, remove it herself as if it was nothing. She put the mirror back into her bag and waited for the chatter to calm down before she was able to continue with her speech.

“I learned a shocking lesson while I was traveling back to all of you,” she started and with a pause for dramatic effect, she continued. “The Apex, our ideas, were wrong,” she said and now the murmur throughout the crowd grew even louder and more shocked. Grace spoke over it again, knowing how this information was delivered was crucial. “I know it's surprising but it's true. One-One is the true conductor, and the one who came before him was a fake! Your number is supposed to go down, so you can go home.” she said and someone spoke up.

“I thought you’d die when your number went down!” a kid in the crowd spoke up and the sound of agreement rippled through the crowd. Grace breathed deeply and launched her explanation.

“I did too, but I’ve spoken to the one we called the true conductor, and she confirmed it. Moreover, the people we’ve called nulls… aren’t our playthings or our enemies. They’re just…people.” she said and this caused the wildest reaction from the crowd. Finally, Grace addressed the final thing she knew she needed to tell them before time ran out. “Simon discovered these things alongside me, and he has left us to find his own truth. As of now, the Apex is on hiatus until things become clearer.” Grace explained.

The crowd dispersed as they all seemed to want to make sense of everything themselves and Grace certainly didn’t blame them, she was still struggling to see everything clearly. She planned to return to her own room, to be happy she was home but she found something else caught her attention instead. Simon’s room, his door still shut closed. Grace walked over to it and making sure no one was watching, she traced her hands over it. Quickly, she pressed inside and shut the door behind her.

Simon’s room was a time capsule of him, of who they’d been together. It was in here that she’d accepted his confession and that they’d vowed to bring about a new age of the Apex. A new age of the Apex had dawned, but this wasn’t how Grace or Simon had wanted it. Grace didn’t want to go through Simon’s things, not just because it would have hurt her more but also because some silly foolish part of her still hoped Simon was going to return. She walked over to Simon’s bed and slumped on his comforter.

She ran her fingers over Simon’s pillow and remembered how she’d lay here on his bed, painting her nails or just talking while he worked or carved. She remembered how perfect things had felt then, and how certain they’d been of their future. Grace knew now that nothing was ever certain and that people who felt like fixtures were fleeting. Grace felt the tears coming and she didn’t try to stop them now that she was alone. She wrapped herself in Simon’s blanket and cried because she was back in the Apex and she knew the truth, and Grace felt more lost than ever.

Chapter Text

“Wake up!” The Cat playfully hissed something which woke Simon immediately from the comfortable trance of sleep he’d been in. Simon quickly looked around half expecting his entire journey to see Samantha to have been a dream but no such luck. As he looked around he was still in the Cat’s cabin and hadn’t gotten up from the chair he’d been sitting in. The table next to him still had his cup of tea placed on it, completely finished. Just as Simon was about to leave it there and consider the idea he should have followed Grace’s lead and taken a nap The Cat spoke. “As fun as this has been, I do have a life to attend to,” she asserted.

“I’m aware, it was the same life that you considered more important than saving the child in your care,” he responded in kind and the Cat seemed to shrink a little at his words. For as calm and composed as Samantha wanted to seem, for as much as she never wanted to not be in control, Simon saw right through her. “How long was I out?” he asked casually as he made to stand up from his chair.

“About an hour and a half,” the Cat said and Simon felt shocked because he hadn’t planned on sleeping at all let alone sleeping that long. If she’d woken up there was no telling what kind of headway Grace might have made without him, especially if she thought he was gone long-term. Simon cursed himself for not adding that he’d be back soon to the note he’d written. As he stood up and started walking towards the door Samantha moved in front of him. “Wait just a moment, you’ve had your tea, you’ve had your rest, and you’ve heard straight from the proverbial horse’s mouth about the truth about numbers. What exactly are you going to do?” she asked.

“I don’t know, and honestly right now I don’t care. I’m going to meet back up with Grace, that’s my priority first and foremost.” Simon said as he once again started towards the door and stepped over Samantha to get there. She hopped on a table and then used his back as a springboard to reach the top of the bookshelf with the goal of addressing him once more before he left again.

“If you’re still unconvinced after everything that’s happened, and you want some sort of closure, might I suggest the engine? Talk to One-One yourself, look around the place, and come to your own conclusions. I’m sure with your gaggle of children it will be a breeze,” she said and Simon nodded as he walked out of the door and into the cold with the goal of finding Grace and the rest of the Apex. “Godspeed Simon,” Samantha muttered to herself as the door shut behind him and she went back to her daily ministrations.

Simon himself hoped that Grace was still asleep in the beach house though he didn’t think that was the case. Based on travel time and the nap he’d taken he’d been gone upwards of three hours and Grace had already been asleep for a while when he’d left. More likely than not she was awake which meant he’d have to answer for that letter and for his misconceptions. Simon felt bad that after everything they’d been through together it had taken Samantha explaining it to him for him to consider Grace may have a point.

On the one hand, Simon knew he should have had more faith in her, and in her ability to recall the things that she’d experienced. On the other hand, Simon also didn’t want to blame himself because he knew where it came from, a place of love and a desire to protect. Simon had wanted to keep Grace safe and in his mind that and keeping things the same were synonymous. He also knew however that no matter how well-intentioned he’d hurt the one person he loved most.

In his attempt to keep Grave from drowning he’d just dragged them both to the bottom of the pool and gotten upset with her trying to loosen his grip. Simon honestly wouldn’t blame Grace for being revealed that he was gone, that she didn’t have to deal with being talked over and having her feelings ignored. Now Simon saw what she saw and even if he wasn’t quite ready to accept it he was ready to entertain it. He knew however that it might be far too little and far too late to be meaningful.

He checked his tracker pad hoping for a sign of Grace but all he found was the cluster of numbers he was now sure was the Apex. At the very least that did give Simon hope she’d rejoined them considering her number should have been large enough to pick up with the tracker pad…that was unless it had fallen more when they’d been apart. Simon was aware his reaction to Grace’s number falling wasn’t the best but with everything else happening it had slipped through the cracks of his mind until that moment.

Now Simon remembered that Grace had a falling number and to her, it meant going home, and to a still-there but quieter part of Simon it meant death. Either way it meant separation, from each other, from the Apex, from everything Simon had known and watched be built over the course of his time on the train. Simon’s heart hurt when thinking about that, about Grace being gone from his life because even if it would have probably been better for her Simon was selfish. He wanted the two of them to be together because it’s what they’d always been.

Over the course of his journey, Simon had been forced to examine so many things that had been givens to him before. The categories between denizens and humans, the truth about numbers, and about the conductor. Grace was the only given he still had and maybe that was why it was so easy to disregard her, to treat her as though her opinions didn’t matter. After all, if you're sure a person will always be there by your side, what's the point of considering anything they say that you don’t like? You’ll have them around no matter what.

That was what Simon had assumed however but just like all of his other notions that too had been squashed. Simon pushed his way through car after car as he walked through the familiar sights and sounds that he’d traveled first with the entire group and now alone, on a path back to Grace. It was easy to watch Grace take down a car full of denizens or skillfully twist someone around her finger and assume that her name was ironic in a way but it wasn’t, not really. For one Grace had always been particularly graceful in her movement thanks to her dance background.

But for another, the word grace in the context of mercy was something she’d always granted to Simon if no one else. Softness, kindness, mercy in the face of overwhelming doubt, and who has Simon been to her when she’d learned a new truth? AA willing Judas waiting in the wings for the chance to doubt and disregard her. He couldn’t imagine what she must have felt like and he feared that if he did he’d talk himself out of going to find her and the Apex kids. If she really had rejoined them no doubt she’d already taught them about his betrayal.

The next notable car that Simon ended up in during his travel back was none other than the amusement park car, the barbershop quartet of singing rats still going at it for a new group of travelers. The park seemed lively with new passengers having stopped there and Simon couldn’t help but stare longingly at the swan boats remembering how it was there that he’d saved Grace’s figure, that she’d commended him as a hero. He wondered if she’d tossed it yet, a reminder of Simon’s actions.

Simon hated to but he thought about the Cat and her words towards him, thinking about how both he and Grace were waking up to how bad they’d been and Grace had simply woken up faster. If that was the truth why had something like that upset him so much, Grace going down the same path he was at a slower rate? Maybe the answer was something simple like Simon not wanting to be outclassed but he had another, worse theory. What he wanted from Grace was to be like one of his figures, perfect, frozen in time, controlled and unchanging.

“I love your loving arms, they hold a world of charms, a place to nestle when I am lonely,΅ the rates sang a love song next to him as if to taunt him. He ignored them and put his head down walking quickly past them with the goal of returning to Grace with as little conflict as possible. As he traversed the cars he’d already seen all he could do was helplessly let his mind replay all of the memories he’d made there with Grace. In the amusement park car, all he could think about was how happy they’d been kissing in the tunnel of love.

As Simon arrived at the diamond mine car he thought about the way that the diamonds had sparkled around them and highlighted Grace’s face in a beautiful way, about how she’d shone brighter than any diamond in the entire universe. But when they’d been there together he was too busy berating her for daring to listen to Amelia, fearing she was going to leave him and making an awful case as to why she should stay. Now he’d never get the chance to go back and tell her any of those things and it was his own fault.

As Simon traversed through the mountaineering car he remembered how badly he’d wanted to be paired up with Grace and instead how he’d ended up with Tuba, and how she’d saved his life. How Grace’s doubts about denizens and what they’d thought about them were probably coming into even sharper focus and how Simon had ruined it thanks to getting Hazel taken back home and pushing away Tuba. How even if it was inadvertent he’d stolen Grace’s chance to learn more about denizens and get closer to them.

Simon considered the idea that maybe if he’d been a little more careful or open-minded all of his could have been avoided. Before he’d wondered what he could have done to ensure that Grace didn’t have her mind changed but now he focused in on another idea, what if he’d heard Grace out sooner rather than later? What if he’d helped foster his own doubts and supported Grace’s rather than trying to control them? What if he’d been more focused on himself rather than her? Those were questions Simon knew he was asking far too late for them to do any good.

Eventually, Simon did make his way back to the beach car only to find that, predictably, Grace was gone and had headed to the next car according to the pointing and sounds of swishing sand the sand denizen at the concierge desk had made when he’d asked about it. Simon wanted to scream or cry at the fact that he’d missed her, but he settled instead for returning to the room Grace had for the two of them and screaming into the pillow for a while before collecting himself and leaving the beach house to find the exit.

The cars ahead of him were mostly walk-through cars which should have made his journey easier, but he took a long time in each one scouring for any sign of Grace, for any chance he was heading the right way and she was near. He didn’t find what he was looking for despite his best efforts and that just spurred him on to take more time in the next car. Simon figured that if someone was going purely for speed and getting through as fast as possible they could get through in no time flat, and he knew that this scouring kept him from Grace for longer.

Maybe he wanted that though, maybe Simon wasn’t ready to face Grace and the kids and to be rejected by her. Simon knew now that even if he hadn’t shown it Grace was the only one for him, the only person he could have ever loved or hoped for. But he also knew that she had good reason to no longer feel that way about him if she ever did. Simon failed to find anything of Grace’s in the car he was in and instead found himself pushing through into the next one, a creepy one themed after an old mansion.

Simon figured that someone could spend hours scouring every nook and cranny, most almost certainly hidden passageways, and getting lost in the place. Now, that would have never happened to Simon because he knew how to open the door as soon as he saw the bookshelf by the exit as he pulled on the conspicuous-looking book and immediately watched as the handles twirled and the door was unlocked. Still, just because Simon had known that didn’t mean Grace would and he wondered if he should keep searching for traces of her just in case.

Simon pushed this gut instinct away as he knew it was nothing but fear talking. Fear of being separated from Grace, fear of being rejected by her when they were reunited, fear that everything he’d done and the only person he wanted didn’t feel the same way about him. And the fear that he’d deserve it if she didn’t. But Simon had spent too much time running from Grace and running from the truth. It was his time to face it now, to put everything else to the side and go see the love of his life again.

When Simon opened the next door he was shocked to see that it was the mall car, the home of the Apex and it was positively buzzing with the kids just like he and Grace had left it. They didn’t notice him at first and that gave Simon time to scan it over, seeing it was just the same as when he’d left, save for the fact that there was some sort of memorial the kids were leaving their stuff on. Upon a closer look, he could see the memorial consisted of a paper “plaque” clearly drawn in marker, one of his hoodies, and a pair of his gravity boots. It was a memorial to him.

“Jeez at least wait until I’m dead before you guys start making memorials next time,” Simon asserted and that got the kids' attention as they whipped around, some from playing games and causing chaos and some from putting stuff on the memorial. They seemed shocked but lit up nonetheless.

“Simon’s back!” they cheered as they swarmed him and Simon was honestly pretty shocked considering he knew he was the least liked of the Apex leaders amongst their followers. Then again, maybe the kids were just like him, seeking comfort and stability that they simply couldn’t find when one of their leaders was gone.

“Did Grace tell you guys I was dead or something?” he mused to himself and despite the fact that really was just thinking out loud he got a response anyway.

“No, but she said you were gone and she didn’t think you were coming back. We read between the lines,” Lucy explained and Simon stifled a laugh even though he did feel quite bad he’d made everyone, especially Grace, worry so much. Walking into your own memorial service tended to get that reaction he supposed. Eventually, the kids seemed to have enough of verifying that he really was alive, and then went back to the memorial, this time to fight over the things that had been left there whether they were the original owners or not.

Simon chuckled a bit and shook his head, feeling as though he didn’t really care about the truth that much at the moment. He was happy the Apex kids were okay and he was home, back where he was safe and where he felt secure in his place. All that was missing now was a reconciliation with Grace but as he’d been informed in the swarm she and a few others had gone on a food run. Not a raid, but just a food run. That made sense considering the kids had likely eaten up most of their rations in their time away but Simon still wished she was here.

“I’ve returned with fo-” Grace started to announce as she and the rest of the group arrived at the top level of the mall. The group who had gone with her quickly retreated to the bottom layer with the rest of the kids but Grace had stayed on the top and started speaking to them from the top of the escalator. That was until she’d looked down and seen Simon at the bottom. She seemed shocked and practically froze in place, and Simon figured it was now or never in regard to laying all of his cards out on the table.

“Grace!” Simon said as he slowly made his way up the escalator, and now that he’d started he knew he needed to follow through. “I’m sorry,” he said seriously as he continued making his way up to her. “I didn’t mean to be gone for as long as I was and I never meant to leave you forever,” he said and once he started he just kept going. “And I’m sorry for not believing you about numbers and denizens,” Simon said in a tone like he was pleading for forgiveness. Simon reached the top of the escalator and got on his knees, holding Grace’s hand. “Grace Monroe I love you more than anything, and most of all I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt that.”

“Simon I-” Grace said before the tears started to well up in her eyes and she gestured at him. “Stand up,” she said and Simon did as she said, shaking out of fear of what came next, anticipating a rejection of what he’d said and of his love. Just because he expected it didn’t mean he was ready for it, however, and he braced himself as Grace looked into his eyes, staring right through him. And then she kissed him, soft and sweet, the tears on her face wetting his as she kept tight hold of his hands as their lips connected.

“Ewww!” a chorus of children screamed as it happened and Grace and Simon elected to ignore them as they turned their attention fully to each other. Simon stroked the side of Grace’s face, her delicate skin hiding a truly hardened person who’d gone through things most couldn’t have imagined.

“I think we should go to the engine, it can be the new goal of the Apex. Once we find the real truth we can put things to bed once and for all.” Simon explained nervously and he hoped that Grace wouldn't hate his idea. She seemed to think for a moment before smiling and nodding.

“Let’s do it, let’s usher in an even newer era of the Apex.” Grace explained and Simon knew what she meant by that. They’d found their new Apex, one built on truth rather than tradition, and even if they didn’t like what they found they’d live with it. And it would be made easier because they’d do it together.

Chapter Text

“Alright Apex I’m going to give it to you straight: the journey to the engine will be the most perilous we’ve ever faced. The people we’ll encounter will be complete wild cards thanks to our lack of knowledge of the true nature of denizens. They could be friend or foe. No matter what we must remember to watch each other’s backs, and when we do arrive at the engine be wary of One-One-“ Simon tried to explain before being cut off by the raised hand of one of the kids. “Yes, Sam?” He asked exasperated.

“Will there be bathroom breaks on the journey to One-One?” he asked and Simon held back a groan as he collapsed his pointer stick back into pocket-sized mode and looked at the map of the train he was trying to show to the kids, wondering why he’d even bothered.

“No Sam, there will not be bathroom breaks on the perilous journey to the engine, so everyone who needs to please use the bathroom now,” Simon said and he watched partially shocked and partially annoyed as a gaggle of children quickly hoped up from their chairs to go do just that, showing they hadn’t been listening to him at all. He sat down exhausted and Grace, who has been watching his presentation far afar with an amused look on her face sat down beside him.

“I take it the presentation isn’t going as well as you hoped?” She asked teasingly and Simon sighed but was unable to hold back from cracking a smile when he looked at her. After all, Simon was never able to resist smiling when he looked into Grace’s eyes and realized that somehow the most beautiful person in the world has decided to be with him of all people.

“I know they’re just kids but…we could be up against something really dangerous when we head for the engine. I kind of expected them to be more afraid and…is it weird to say I’m disappointed they’re not? Not because I want the kids to be scared or anything but I was kind of hoping I could be like a sort of…shepherding big brother force,” Simon explained and Grace let out a soft laugh.

“I mean, yeah that’s a little bad. But also now that I think about it…we spent all this time teaching the kids that we were the stronger, more superior force. That the train and everyone on it was our plaything. I’m not surprised they’re not afraid of One-One when we told them nothing could hurt them.” Grace said and she seemed to feel a real regret about the entire situation, the knowledge that she’d helped to stunt these kids and possibly put them in the same danger she and Simon started the Apex to avoid was too much for her.

“Don’t worry,” Simon said gently putting a hand on Grace’s back. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll figure everything out, and it will be fine.” He assured her and Grave and Simon both knew that probably wasn’t the case but neither of them wanted to acknowledge that fact. As long as they could live in the safe space that they lived in, hoping everything would be okay, they’d never have to worry about the truth of what they’d done and the consequences of it.

“Yeah…you’re right,” Grace said as she scooted closer to Simon, placing her head in the crook of his neck like a pillow and Simon wrapped his arm around her waist, keeping her close. It was nice here, the two of them together while the kids went and used the bathroom, packing up their rations with the knowledge that they might not return to the mall car for a while. For Grace and Simon decided when the right time was to leave their car and take the kids to the engine. A small part of them really didn’t want to do it.

A part of both of them was content to never know the truth and to just have the Apex transition to staying in their car, only leaving for food runs. Tucking themselves away from the rest of the train with the knowledge that failing to do so might have spelled disaster. Both of them were content to let their numbers slowly and passively fall without saying a word about it and pretending this was how things had always been. But that part of them couldn’t drown out the rest of Grace and Simon who were dying from lack of knowledge the way people die from lack of water.

Some part of Grace needed the truth not to prove herself right but precisely so she could prove herself wrong. Grace wanted to prove that all of the doubt she’d been feeling was incorrect, that her hypothesis on the fact that her childhood memory had failed her, that she’d been really hurting innocent people, she wanted to be wrong about it. She didn’t want to go to the engine and find out she was keeping tons of kids from returning to their loving families because she had selfishly lied about what she knew.

Grace didn’t want to go to the engine and find out all of her efforts had been for naught, but she would have been more surprised if her wish came true than if it didn’t. To Grace, what she would find in the engine was a forgone conclusion, this trip wasn’t for her and it never had been. This trip was for Simon so that he could feel the mounting dread that she did so that they could proceed forward into that deep abyss of the unknown together rather than separated. Grace knew Simon still mostly didn’t trust One-One or anything he would say and Grace knew that.

But she also knew that this was better than nothing. The fact that Simon was willing to entertain the idea that something in the engine could change his mind meant that, even if it was only subconsciously, he was ready to admit that he was wrong. This was a side of Simon that Grace hadn’t seen before and she was glad she was going to get the chance to see it because she knew that it wasn't promised.

Grace could imagine very clearly a universe where Simon rejected every attempt she made to reach out to him, to appeal to his logic. A universe where instead of saving Tuba on that mountain after she saved him he let her fall. How cruel and twisted fate was that a few slightly changed puzzle pieces, a few unfallen dominos, had prevented Grace and Simon from ultimate destruction like a droplet of rain preventing the firing of the atom bomb. Grace didn't want to think about the hard stuff any further though.

At that moment Grace didn't want anything other than to put her face in Simon's neck and let the world fade away because where they were, together, it was safe. Simon was inclined to let her it seemed, as he stroked her hair and wondered if there was any way for the two of them to stay in this moment. Always mere hours away from learning the truth, always together, always ready to be better but never having to make the leap required to do it. They could both hear the kids still bustling around, being ready to go in a few moments.

Despite this Simon let himself close his eyes and think about what Grace had told him about them teaching the kids not to fear what was on the train. They'd never had to because Grace and Simon had protected him and…possibly lied to them. None of them had ever had to fear for their lives being chased down by a Ghom as Grace and Simon had back when they were kids. But they'd also never been taught exactly what a Ghom could do to a person and that was just as dangerous. Maybe in their desire to protect the kids, they'd robbed them instead.

Or maybe Simon was afraid and he was projecting and justifying his fear by painting it as a good and necessary thing. On the train, a lot of times fear was good and necessary to protect oneself and to make sure you didn't get hurt. But in this case what was Simon afraid of? Some little ball-shaped robot who may or may not have been benevolent. Why did he decide that was the mastermind behind all of the bad things on the train and in general, and why did he cling to that fear so heavily?

Simon knew the answer, even if he didn't want it to be, was because it was easy. Certainly having one big enemy to hate and blame was easier than admitting that things were odd and complicated and that he didn't understand the train and never really had. It was easy to believe yourself persecuted, a fun little game as long as the persecution in question wasn't real. For Simon and for Grace and the Apex, at least on the train it never had been real. But if denizens were people, they might have been the ones enacting it.

It made Simon's stomach turn to think about and he didn't have anything to say about it other than that he hoped it wasn't true. Simon hoped to go to the engine and be proven right, that One-One was a merciless tyrant and that he and Grace had come up with the right answer to the train, how it worked and why. Simon highly doubted things would be as clean and simple as he hoped however and he wondered what he was even expecting when he arrived there. After all, if he already didn't trust One-One what could he say to change that?

"All ready to go Simon sir!" one of the Apex kids said and Simon opened his eyes to look out upon the veritable sea of children waiting patiently for his and Grace’s order. The way that they looked at them for guidance, for answers, reminded Simon of why he needed to find the truth and tell it to them. The truth about the train wasn’t a him problem or a Grace problem, it affected all of the kids they’d brought into it now.

“Well in that case, Apex, let’s move out!” Simon announced and they all flowed out of the double door of the mall car, out onto the bridge together armed with harpoon packs ready and waiting for an order that Grace and Simon prepared to give them.

“Apex! The way to the engine is straight forward and I expect we will encounter some resistance on our way there. We’ll use the tops of the cars like always and when we see one of those flying pod things we’ll highjack it. Remember, no one is left behind.” Grace assessed and the kids seemed to agree as they all shot and traveled to the top of the cars they were walking on. She wondered idly if the people in the cars below them could hear the sound of feet tapping on the roofs of their cars.

As the group pushed forward Grace and Simon watched closely to make sure that each of the kids was there, a task that wasn't easy considering how many of them there were. Grace and Simon were used to only taking a handful of kids out at a time but they figured the extra manpower would be nice on this mission, not to mention the fact that they wanted the kids to see the truth with their own eyes just like the two of them had started to. As they pushed forward they started to catch sight of what they were looking for.

"Grace, the silver pods have been spotted," Lucy told them in a serious voice and Grace held back a chuckle at how Simon had the kids talking like soldiers. She knew they were doing it mostly to poke a bit of fun at him but Simon didn't seem to mind and the kids were having fun so she figured it was no harm no foul. She nodded at Lucy and the kids hung back as Grace got a bit closer to the edge of the roof to examine the pods and Simon followed suit, saying something she'd expected but hoped wouldn't be the case.

"The pods are pretty small, they'll likely only be able to support two kids at once which means we'll need twenty-five pods to come around, roughly," Simon explained and Grace looked at the rate that the pods were coming, wondering if that would leave them separated for too long but was pleased to see at the very least that they were coming pretty quickly with only a few second delay between cars. Grace thought for a moment and whispered what she was thinking to Simon who seemed to agree. She turned to address the rest of the Apex.

"Alright Apex, the point where the pods get the closest to the car is two roofs ahead. We'll go there and me and Simon will help two of you per pod onto one. Use the buddy system and stay close, we'll be right behind you." she explained and the kids nodded. With that, they made it to the roof of the car they were looking for, where the pods flew close enough that you could reach out and touch them. As an added bit of luck, they also slowed down quite a bit when they got that close to the car allowing for the kids to be put on much easier.

Grace and Simon very carefully helped each of the kids onto a pod with another and watched as they zoomed off toward the engine. Samatha had mentioned to Simon that there was a direct line to the engine via these cars, and that every new passenger is taken on one. It was much faster than the old fashion way of having to make it there on foot and much more practical than making the trip on foot with a bunch of kids in tow. As the last kids were placed onto a pod and sent towards the engine that just left Grace and Simon.

"After you," Simon said as he offered Grace his hand and helped her on, Grace pulling him up with her just as the thing started moving towards the engine again. It shook a bit as they grabbed it and sat on top of the thing, likely due to the fact that they weighed more than two of the kids but it seemed able to support them long enough for the journey. Ahead of them, they could see that the pods went into some kind of hatch that went straight towards the engine, and the kids had disembarked their vehicles, waiting for them outside of the hatch.

"Alright, headcount," Grace said as she and Simon counted all of the kids and found that they'd all made it safely to the hatch to the engine. They watched as a few more pods came, the hatch opened and then closed, and the two of them tried to hype themselves up. After all, this was the moment of truth, the time when everything was going to change whether they like it or not and they were just going to have to deal with it. Grace and Simon looked at each other and Simon braced himself.

"After you?" he offered and Grace nodded when the hatch opened she followed the pod down, finding that it was luckily not a large drop. She reached up and Simon helped the kids down toward her, making sure everyone made it down without any issues. Once the last kid was down Simon hopped down himself and then they were all there, able to look around at each other and at the mythical engine. It took their eyes a moment to adjust to the low light of the engine but when they did the place was freaky.

There was a large pool of some kind of fluid that Grace and Simon both hoped was water that the pods seemed to float onto. It was in the middle of the room and the pods floated on the water to a large center console in the front of the room. There were screens everywhere and some freaky-looking robots that luckily hadn't noticed their entrance yet, likely because it had been so gentle. The two leaders looked at each other as they realized that actually hadn't planned exactly what they were supposed to do at this point.

"Where's One-One?" one of the kids asked seemingly disappointed that he wasn't around and Simon looked at him sympathetically.

"You guys stay here, me and Grace are going to check it out," he explained and Grace and Simon held hands as they crept forward avoiding the watchful gaze of the robots who seemed to be running the show. That was at least until one of them turned its lifeless body towards Simon and seemed to trigger some sort of alarm. In a panic he yelled "Apex attack!" and the kids quickly lept into action throwing things and hitting the robots as Grace and Simon did the same. The alarm seemed to lift as the creepiest-looking robot of all approached Simon.

"Why are you attacking my robots?" One-One said in a cheerful yet confused voice as the face of the robot opened to reveal the little robot himself. The kids stopped hitting the things as they retreated seemingly on the orders of One-One. "It's the second time this has happened, maybe they're unappealing," One-One said in a more hopeless tone. The first voice returned as One-One hopped out of the robot and turned his attention toward a figure in the corner none of them had seen. "Amelia, why did you let them get in here?" he asked.

"I thought it would be funny," Amelia said in that deadpan and utterly uninterested tone she seemed to use regularly as she stepped out of the shadows. Finally, before this charade could go any farther Grace interjected.

"What is going on right now?" Grace asked and One-One turned his attention toward her, something she was surprised he could do considering he didn't have any real facial features.

"I could ask you the same question! Don't you know it's rude to come into other people's houses," he said switching from a more animated voice to the more downbeat one in between sentences. "But since you're here, I suppose I could ask why you came all this way." he offered and now it was Simon's time to interject, talking to the robot.

"Don't play with us, we want to know the truth about the train," Simon announced and One-One seemed confused as much as a faceless robot could. "The truth about the train and about numbers," Simon clarified and One-One responded.

"Oh! Did you get on before the training video was implemented? Sorry it wasn't made earlier we were busy being usurped by a fake conductor," the more happy-sounding voice started and the sadder-sounding voice finished. Amelia scoffed in the corner seemingly uninterested in being blamed for this yet again.

"Yes yes, my bad. And anyway glad my favorite little cargo cult decided to follow me to where I work. And bring children with them," she muttered sarcastically. "Show them their tapes, that will probably clear everything up," she said as she walked off and One-One despite his shots at her seemed to accept this as a good idea.

"Oh, that's a great idea! Hopefully, it doesn't kill you," the robot said swapping between voices once again switching between voices and Grace and Simon watched helplessly as One-One ignored their calls to explain himself, scurrying around to find a tape and play it. “You’re Grace Monroe, right? Sorry, I’m bad with names, and faces too!” He said cheerfully. “Don’t worry this TV is specifically designed to make sure you don’t get stuck in your memories…I think.” He said before throwing the switch and turning it on.

Grace blinked her eyes once and then twice as she found herself stranded in some kind of white void. She felt a deep fear for a moment like she was going to be here forever alone and forever terrified cursed for her desire to learn more than she should have and now this was how it ended. She heard the sound of TV static and figured this was just the first step in her design into madness. This was only further confirmed by when she heard what sounded like the voices of Simon and the kids.

"Grace!" she heard Simon's voice as he ran over to hug her and Grace wondered if this was some sort of dream she was having. Apparently not as she slowly wrapped her arms around him and felt him. "He said we were in your tape?" Simon asked as he broke the hug and looked around. The kids weren't far behind as all of them seemed to be trapped in whatever weird place this was. They walked forward cautiously only to find themselves stumbling into a pumpkin patch. Grace held her breath as she addressed the group.

"This is it, this is where I saw the conductor," she said and as they walked around they came across a young Grace, cowering in fear from a giant menacing-looking robot piloted by a man with a large number. Grace focused hard as she muttered to herself. "No…this isn't right." the memory seemed to change and glitch until what really happened was displayed, Amelia in a cloak standing next to a moderately sized stewart bot, the same one One-One piloted, walking around without ever seeing her. "This is what really happened," she said breathlessly.

"So if this is what really happened…and it really was Amelia…" Simon said to no one in particular and the memory changed again, this time to one of her and Simon wheeling their first null. Simon and Grace ran terrified from a horrible monster, only barely escaping its clutches and managing to trick it into falling into the wheels. Both Simon and Grace shook their heads.

"That's now how it happened, is it?" Grace asked herself and the memory changed again to show Grace and Simon as the aggressors, whooping and cheering as they attacked and…and killed this denizen. They'd done it because they could and because they thought they should be allowed to. There wasn't a shred of remorse in either of them when they'd done it, high-fiving each other as it happened. Grace suddenly felt sick as she stumbled almost falling to the ground when Simon caught her and propped her up on his shoulder.

"Come on, we're going to get out of here, Apex retreat!" Simon announced and as if on command the white world faded away leaving them all back in the engine as the TV screen went to static. One-One was the first to speak.

"I thought that was the non-brings you inside your memories TV. Oh well, did you find what you were looking for?" he asked and Grace groaned because she felt like she was going to be sick if she didn't keep herself together. Her legs were weak and her movements were shaky, the only reason she hadn't toppled over was Simon's continued support. "If you did can you leave now? We'd like to wallow in agony alone." the sad voice said and Simon took it as a sign that it was time to retreat, looking towards Amelia who was still in the corner.

"Is there any way to get to a specific car?" he asked and Amelia nodded.

"If it will get you and all of your brood out of my hair faster I'll show you," she said and Amelia brought them over to what looked like a long system of tubes with a central control panel. "You all congregate in car 3614, the mall car correct?" she explained, and when Simon looked at her like she was a stalker she elaborated. "It's where a large cluster of numbers tends to congregate," she said and one by one the children were sent through the tubes back to the car, seemingly finding it fun. Simon helped prop Grace up into a tube.

"Simon…if we did all of that…what does that mean for us?" she asked and before he could answer she was sent back to the car as well leaving only him. As he was prodded by Amelia to get into the thing all that Simon could think was that he didn't know, and he was scared now that he had to.

Chapter Text

The next while was a half-remembered blur for Grace, a combination of tubes and half-heard words and blurred shapes and colors. She was pretty sure she heard someone, maybe Simon it Armlia, mention something about tape sickness and while she didn’t know what that was she figured it was as good a guess as any regarding what was wrong with her. Maybe being in her own mind, seeing her own memories and her versions of them had caused a major sickness that spread from her brain to her body.

Or maybe Grace was just being dramatic considering the revelations that all of them, Simon herself and the kids, had just experienced. To find out your entire worldview for so long was not only wrong but had been hurting real, innocent people…Grace couldn’t imagine many people who would take that news well. Regardless, Grace had fallen ill right after she’d left her tape and had practically had to be carried by Simon out of it and into the car, however, they’d gotten back. And now she was laying in bed.

She did remember, or at least think that she remembered, Simon gently placing her into bed when they’d gotten back and whispering platitudes about how everything was going to be alright. Grace knew that he’d been talking about her health and she was fairly sure he was right on that front, but on the other hand how could anything ever be okay again after what had happened? How could Grace and Simon truly go on with their lives knowing what they’d done, the people they’d deceived, and the lives they’d ended?

She thought about Tuba and how gung-ho Simon had been to kill her, how if he had Hazel would have been deprived of her mother and her protector. She wondered about how many of the kids they’d had here had been victims of the same thing Hazel was sparred from. They’d taken these kids in as a way to protect them or so they thought, and they’d figured that by doing that, taking away their safety net, they’d been making them stronger. Grace saw now as all the kids had in her memory. All they’d been doing was murder.

Grace felt her stomach twist in knots and she held it, groaning slightly out of discomfort. She thought it hadn’t been loud but apparently, it was as Simon appeared by her bedside to tend to her. As Grace thought about it a little more she figured Simon had been in the room this entire time and she simply hadn’t registered his presence what with being occupied by the complex questions of life and death and a million other things she found herself engrossed within her foggy and sick mind.

“Hey it’s okay, don’t exert yourself,” Simon had said gently as he looked over her, a slightly worried look on his face. “Amelia said tape sickness usually only lasts a few hours, so hopefully she’s right.” He assessed and Grace practically shot up as she realized her skew of time was incredibly far off from what the reality was.

“A few hours? How long has it been since we saw my tape?” Grace asked and Simon fretted over her, adjusting her to have her lay down, fluffing her pillows in the meantime, and refusing to respond until Grace finished getting comfortable again.

“Like an hour and a half?” Simon said and Grace felt shocked as she’d been sure she’d been in that slurry stupor of nausea and sickness for days not less than a few hours. She sat up to address this to Simon, though in this case, she was careful to move herself with a bit more caution so as not to worry her very concerned boyfriend.

“An hour and a half? I was sure I’d been out of commission for days!” Grace asserted and Simon shook his head though seemed to purse his lips in combination with a worried look on his face as he rubbed the back of his neck. Grace at least understood a little better why things felt so painfully fresh in her mind, the revelations she was kicking around in her mind had happened basically just then.

“Amelia did mention that time distortion was a symptom of tape sickness along with nausea and aches,” he said, busying himself with fixing Grace’s bedsheets and fluffing her pillow up so that she didn’t have to feel any more discomfort than she already did. “At least it seems like you’re recovering a bit, when we first got back to the car you were basically a zombie,” Simon said before maybe realizing that’s not something you want to say to your very sick girlfriend. Grace didn’t seem too concerned for her money.

“I’ve got to get up and talk to the kids about what they saw,” Grace said once again attempting to extricate herself from the tangle of blankets and sheets Simon had, well meaningly, but still, trapped her in. Simon once again looked concerned and laid her down before she could get too far.

“You’re still recovering! I don’t want you to exert yourself and then get even more
sick,” Simon assessed, and while Grace sensed his concern was real she also sensed there was something else there too. Fear. Simon was afraid of addressing the kids because just like Grace was, he was dealing with the paralyzing guilt and fear that permeated every single section of his mind after what he’d seen. The truth was seeing was believing but both Grace and Simon had known on some level what they were going to see.

After all, though they'd only seen Grace's memories even Simon had corrected one of them, something only possible if they'd both known the truth from the start. They'd always known denizens were people, had known for a long time that One-One was the true conductor, maybe even known that passengers were meant to go home. But they'd become deluded, wrapped up in their own ideals and believing their own lies. They'd drowned out the truth that both of them knew with false memories that were easier to swallow.

And now they'd have to confront some of the people they'd hurt the most, the people who they'd deceived and misled and kept from going home. The people the two of them had worked to brainwash with the stories they told themselves. They'd started the Apex and used it to hurt people, to kill people. And even then that hadn't been enough for them, even then they'd needed something deeper, something more. So they'd implicated a bunch of innocent kids in their little game and turned them into exactly what Grace and Simon were.

And they still had the gall to smile, to act pleased and self-satisfied after all they'd done. It was gross and made them both feel wrong but there wasn't anything to do besides go out there and tell the truth. But they weren't out there telling the truth, Grace was in here being sick and Simon was in here taking care of her and they were both avoiding realities. Grace was sure now that her sickness was only psychosomatic and only happening as a response to the alternative. She still felt nauseous, but in the way you did before doing something hard.

"Simon, we have to tell them the truth," she said seriously and before any more protests could happen and before he could once again encourage her to lay back down and get more rest Grace stood. She still felt a bit weak and held onto Simon's shoulder for a few moments before pushing out onto her own feet and walking towards the door.

"Grace wait!" Simon said rushing over to her before she could open the door and Grace made serious eye contact with him, letting him know if not through words then through looks like she was in no mood to be held back or stopped from doing what she knew was right.

"I'm going to do this Simon." she urged and she put her hand on the handle to the door, about to head out towards the main area and address her kids, the kids she'd taken and harmed. Simon touched her hand and she turned back to look at him.

"No," he said seriously and Grace narrowed her eyebrows and prepared to rage, to tell him that for however hard this was for both of them the truth was more important and they needed to tell the Apex in no uncertain terms that everything was going to change and they were going to make up for what they'd done. "We're going to do this.΅ Simon said as he looped his fingers around hers, holding her hand. "We started this together and we'll end it together…we'll admit we were wrong together," Simon said.

"Yeah…we will," Grace said and she held back tears because Simon said that was something she would have found nigh impossible only a week or two ago. Instead of crying Grace smiled at him and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze as they put on the brave faces and hid that they were just as shocked by this revelation as the kids were because they were the leaders and they needed to steer things right after they’d been steered so wrong.

“Apex!” Simon announced and the kids, who before could have been found engaged in all sorts of destructive behavior when left to their own devices, and who now it seemed only engaged in nervous idle chatter, turned their attention towards the two of them. "We have an announcement to make," Simon added and the Grace decided to do something she hadn't expected that she ever would, not because it was super shocking but because it felt wild not like who Grace had been. She was a different person.

"We are not your leaders. That is not a title either of us deserves or wants anymore. As such," Grace explained and with that, she slowly descended the escalator. Simon seemed to understand where she was going and followed her down it, to give their address not as the near omnipotent leaders of the Apex but as exactly what Grace and Simon truly were and had been all along. Just like the rest of the Apex they had been and on some level still were lost, scared kids who didn't know what they were doing and had no right to pretend that they did.

"As we all saw earlier the principles the Apex was founded upon are lies. This was confirmed not just by our own memories but by many others who have warned us." Simon explained, thinking back to his conversation with Samatha and their earlier conversation with Amelia. "However we ignored their warnings and in exchange, we hurt many people, and we taught you all to do the same," Simon explained before taking a deep breath. "We were wrong," Simon explained.

"And the deep shame, guilt, and pain we feel are dwarfed by the way we've made others feel," Grace said, biting her lip to keep herself from crying. This wasn't about her and she knew it, for however hurt she felt she was right that she'd personally inflicted that pain on others tenfold, and while she knew she couldn't unbreak what she'd broken she could at least try to put the pieces back.

"We have all changed from seeing and experiencing what we have and the Apex needs to change too…what that name means, what it stands for," Simon said before catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Unlike Grace who'd disposed of her mark long ago Simon's was still on his face, faded and smudged as he hadn't fixed it in quite a while but still there, stained like a mark of the beast. Simon wiped it on his sleeve, the red lipstick staining his white hoodie. "It stands for hatred, for fear and pain. It stands for what we've done to others." Simon said.

"Our symbols and our name can't stay and as long as they hold the meaning that they do they need to be forever tossed aside. I don't know what we will be next, but for now, I suggest…I suggest we start by being ourselves. Not the versions of ourselves the Apex taught us to be, following orders and hurting people, but who we were before, and who we want to be. Maybe then we'll have a chance to do better." Grace said and everyone seemed to nervously chatter about the situation.

As Grace and Simon addressed the kids they walked through the crowd as if they were floating on air, the gaggle of children parting in their wake, like Moses parting the sea as they walked through the children who had once been their loyal followers dispensing the reality of the situation they were watched with the same shock and awe as if the second coming had arrived before their eyes. In a way this was a second coming, a flood to wash away all they were and had been, a start of a new world. Only one child found it in them to speak up and ask a question.

"So…if we're not the Apex anymore what are we? Are we separating?" Lucy asked and the worried looks on the faces of the kids told both Grace and Simon all that they needed to know. They'd robbed these kids of any support they'd had coming on the train and now dumping them back on their own would have only left them worse off. No, Grace and Simon had trained these kids and programmed them into their way of thinking, setting them back hard. It was their responsibility and there's alone to fix things and to deprogram them.

"If anyone wants to leave and start over on the train they are more than welcome. After everything the Apex has done we don't at all blame you for going your own way." Grace assessed and some older kids did leave, shuffling out awkwardly after being so shocked and hurt by what had been discovered that they wanted nothing more than to be apart from the root of all of it. Most kids did stay however and Grace and Simon reckoned with their new role. "For those of you who want to stay…we're going to become something better than the Apex."

This once again caused a murmur of nervous whispering to overtake the crowd as it seemed a contradiction to everything they'd been taught. After all, the Apex was said to be the best of the best, the idea that anything could be better, never mind the idea that all of them who'd done such heinous things could become it, it seemed like a lie or a trap. Still, they looked to Grace and Simon like they were right and like they'd wait for whatever they had to say. They trusted the two of them despite everything.

"We are going to help people," Simon said and even though it had been something said completely on a whim and he didn't run it past Grace he had a feeling that it was something that she'd agree with. Simon knew that he'd want a concrete answer as to what came next if he was in their shoes…he was almost in their shoes right now and he wanted a concrete answer. Grace looked at him and then nodded.

"Yes, we're going to start over, helping people instead of harming them, fixing problems instead of causing them, improving lives instead of…instead of ending them," Grace said as she knew admitting what they'd done in no uncertain terms was an important thing to do, was a step on the road to becoming better. The kids seemed to be convinced by this, their whispering being less quiet and nervous and more excited. Grace and Simon looked at each other and squeezed each other's hands with the knowledge that the Apex was not the only thing that needed to change.

Simon was deeply loving and caring but he'd also hurt Grace badly over the course of this journey, second-guessing her every move, swooping in and trying to control her when she didn't need his hold, and making her feel bad for following the lead that ultimately ended up being the truth. An apology was in order, as well as a chance to start over but Simon didn't know how to start and as the two of them returned to their rooms after addressing the Apex there was only one thing Simon could think to do.

He'd always channeled his energy into creative pursuits, showing his love for Grace through the figures he made her or the stories he wrote her. Simon knew Grace wasn't the biggest fan of Esmoroth but the plan he had to apologize involved it and he hoped it worked out. He wrote a detailed conversation as the end to the first book in his planned trilogy, a conversation between Princess (now queen) Elegance and her knight Colin. It wasn't hard to figure out who they were stand-ins for and he knew Grace even not having read most of the story would be able to tell.

In it Colin apologized for everything he'd done to undermine his queen, explained how he knew better now, and wouldn't be hateful if she disavowed him after all he'd done. How in his pursuit to keep her safe he'd acted in his own best interest without stopping to consider her at all. It ended on a cliffhanger to be solved in the next book of what Elegance's response was. Simon took the finished ending and knocked on Grace's door, holding his breath and waiting for the chance to have her read it, if she so chose.

"Esmoroth huh?" Grace asked as she took the bound copy in her hands. "You know I'm still on the foreword," she teased and Simon nodded, but didn't respond in kind to the joke, focusing on what he'd come for.

"I know I know, and the foreword is by far the best part. But I just want you to read the last chapter, just the end." Simon said and Grace agreed, sitting next to him on her bed as she read it. Simon watched as her expression went from bemused, to surprised to engrossed as she understood the meaning of Simon showing her this, and started to consider what he was saying. When she looked up from the story Simon took her hands. "Grace, this group, what was formerly the Apex, is changing. I want to change too," Simon said and she nodded, hugging him.

In that hug was so much that Simon understood, the sadness and struggle she'd felt with his behavior and the pain she felt with the two of them having to deal with everything and the way it had gone. There was forgiveness and hope in the way she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tight and Simon knew he couldn't let her down, and that he wouldn't. In her hug, Simon felt the desire to change even more bubble up inside of him and Simon knew that they'd tackle the future together.

Things did change for them quite quickly as the nature of what they did change. They thrived on the relatively small scope the Apex had as most cars who they encountered didn't know anything about who they had been and accepted the help of them and the kids. They watched as people reacted to them with excitement and joy rather than fear and pain and both of their hearts ached wondering how they'd lived any other way for so long. And as their good deeds amassed their numbers dwindled.

Kids started leaving, returning to wherever they'd come from to regain the lives they'd lost, and Grace and Simon found that beyond deprogramming the kids they also had to deprogram themselves. They had to learn to not see interactions as threats and to not see lies as fact, to not see falling numbers as a slow death. It was them gaining these skills that let them finally find freedom, not through violence and hatred but through kindness, and through each other. It had been a hard-fought battle to get better and they were still fighting it.

"What are you thinking about?" Simon asked Grace as she stood out on the bridge between cars and looked out on the vast wastes that surrounded the train that they traveled on.

"I don't know, everything?" she admitted, and then she turned her attention to Simon, her back leaning against the railing. "It's hard isn't it?" Grace asked and Simon nodded, not even needing to know what she was talking about to understand what she meant. Still, he attempted to comfort her.

"But…we're doing it together," Simon offered and Grace looked out again at the red dirt, the endless nothing and the stained sky, the ghoms which inhabited every corner of the vast land that was suitable for them only. And then she turned back to Simon, his awkwardly smiling face and his gentle, earnest demeanor and Grace hooked an arm around his neck, pulling him into a kiss, long and sweet as she found her comfort in his lips against hers, the smell of his body wash and the taste of his mouth.

"Yeah, together," Grace said with a smile once the kiss was broken and all at once both of them were acutely aware that they were going to be together forever, that whatever came next they'd have each other. Grace and Simon looked at each other, deep into each other's eyes, and were sure that despite how scary it might have seemed they were at the beginning of everything. And they were there together.